Birth Rape (warning: trigger story)

Part of my “journey to a VBAC” includes arming myself with knowledge. Lots and lots and lots of reading. Not just about VBACs, but also about c-sections and what questions to know to ask and what to expect in ANY situation

And with all that reading, I’m bound to come across horror stories. Stories that make me want to jump, grab someone and shake them, and shout from the rooftops WHY?! HOW?! THIS HAS TO STOP. and then I burst into tears.

There’s a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) support forum at babycenter.com. While browsing, I came across a birth story from a woman, posted just 2 days ago (2.21).

No, she did not use the term “birth rape,” I did. What is birth rape? “Birth rape is the violence and assault women are subjected to by those they are trusting to safely care for them while they give birth. It is ignoring a woman’s refusal of procedure. It is anything which in any other situation would be considered assault.”

I know some people think the term is extreme. But what is done to some women is absolutely rape, just not in the “traditional” sense you’re used to hearing about. I had my membranes stripped without consent. I was coerced into being cut open when it wasn’t necessary. Is that birth rape? Eh, I don’t know.

But what happened to this woman? Absofrickinglutely.

***Warning: the following story may be a trigger.***

You really should go read her birth story, because it’s her story, not mine. But to sum it up: this woman, trying for a VBAC (with what she thought was a willing and trustworthy OB/midwife group), was cut open without consent. Ohhhh, and it’s much worse than that. She was taken into the OR “just in case” where they switched her oxygen mask for a “better one,” which turned out to actually be a gas mask. When she woke up from her unexpected sleep????? Her baby had been “born” and she had a new scar on her abdomen.

CAN YOU EVEN BELIEVE IT.

Please tell me you’re as outraged as I am. I hope to God or Buddha or Brad Pitt or whoever you pray to that these people get what they deserve. I hope she sues. I wish there was something I could do (like kick some ass).

Illegal. Abuse. Assault. Birth rape.

Visit this mama’s story, send her well wishes, congratulate her on her lil one. And spread the word–this is NOT acceptable.

If they get away with this? What good would it even do for me to prepare myself for a VBAC (in a hospital)? What good would it be to arm myself with knowledge? If they can so easily trick you and force you into an unnecessary c-section? This makes me afraid of birth, when I never was before. This makes me never want to step foot in a hospital again.

I had an even worse experience where the nurses closed my legs and didnt let me deliver /push for almost 15 min from when i was read till my gynaec arrived..they could have called the doc on duty but they didnt…and then they call themselves the most passionate and human workers…

Even people who aren’t directly related to the birth process walking in and seeing a woman giving birth, when “students” come in to watch without being introduced beforehand, etc happens, it makes me sick. It takes away a woman’s dignity and choice. I get to pick who is there, and if people (who may know me personally outside of the hospital) want to watch, they need to ask first. It always bugged me when docs bring people in without permission to learn, stitch, etc who are learning without asking if the woman is ok with a student or if she even KNOWS this person.

I have a lot of docs in my family and took a lot of medical classes, and I would be infuriated if one was allowed to watch me give birth without my knowledge or permission.

And that is just to start. There is a lot more, but I won’t go into my story. Mine wasn’t anywhere near as bad as surgery without consent.

PS Do you know what they did to women in the 50’s? There is a reason that the husbands weren’t allowed in the rooms. It was because they treated the women like animals- shaved them, forced them to have enemas, strapped them down, cut them, and pulled the baby out without really giving her a chance to try to push. It was standard.

This makes my blood boil! What right do these people think they have? Did they honestly think they wouldn’t get caught or that this was the best possible option? I hope she sues as well, there is absolutely no excuse for that kind of behavior or treatment. Some people have no ethical standards.

Insane. Absolutely insane. Sue the pants off them. I was also cut without consent and my OB pulled my placenta out(extremely dangerous and there was no medical reason to do so). The OB was upset about something and proceeded to sew my episiotomy up with unnecessary force. of course i didn’t understand what was going on at the time.

more awareness needs to be made of these situations. its not right.

i hope she seeks counselling. i’d be messed up if that happened to me.

I’m at a loss for words. I can’t even begin to imagine. The more I know the less I trust hospitals and main stream docotors. What happened to “do no harm?!” Docotors and even midwives are badgering, bullying and doing what they want to protect themselves and their own interests and it needs to stop.

I thank God, that I did not discover the concept of birth rape and the horrific stories that are on the web before I had my kids. I just recently found some of these stories online for the first time and I am thankful that no one I’ve known has ever expressed having such horrible experiences. I think the idea of labor is scary enough when you assume that the ‘professionals’ will treat you wonderfully.

Oh my gosh, no way! Unacceptable and I really hope that she does take action. These kinds of things just piss me off. Doctors have no right. I had something happen to me without my consent too. Not about giving birth, but about something else a doctor did. So angry for this family!

I also had my membranes stripped without my consent TWICE,each time because my normal doctor was unavailable, and had a student doctor in the room without my permission when I went in early thinking my water had broken (again, not my normal doctor). I agree with you that a woman has every right to feel violated and angry in this situation. However, always the one to play devil’s advocate, could it be that the woman was so hysterical that she was deemed unfit to make conscious decisions at this time? Were the alternatives hazardous to her health?

I was once extremely constipated for five days. On the fifth day I strained and strained and produced on enormously long and wide stool. I gasped. The stool was so big that the end was poking out above the waterline, seeming to laugh at me. Well, this all happened three years ago. Ever since, I have been extremely emotional. I cry easily and am reluctant to go out of doors and meet new people. I’m afraid of dark places and of being alone in the bathroom. If I smell a fart in a public place, I become physically ill and began to violently gag, sometimes spewing out vomit. Your article really hit home. I realize now that I was anally raped all those years ago.

Don’t even get me started about the time my dentist reached way back into the back of my mouth… Let’s just say that I’ve been raped in all of my orifices at one time or another.

Rape does not mean feeling violated. The term for that is “violation.” Rape is sexual, C sections are not. Rape happens because the perpetrator gains something they want, where the primary goal is to humiliate or feel powerful or to satisfy some “urge” with not regard for the damage one is causing to another person. Rape victims don’t have 9 months to think about what they know is an event that will involve some exposure on their part, and to do research and ask questions about complications. Doctors exist to improve the medical, physical well being of the patient, and they need to be given some latitude do so. If you want to be technical to the point of absurdity, then consider that if you give birth to a child and do not know its sex, and it turns out to be a boy, that you never consented to have its penis pass through your vagina, and is thus rape, and all while the child has lost his virginity at birth. Call your experiences something besides birth rape because you’re watering down the meaning of the word.

Jake….are you kidding me? Why in the world does it even matter to you? Did you not read the part where membranes were stripped without permission. The word “rape” is merely being used as a way to describe this woman’s awful experience during her birth. It is used as a term meaning these things were done WITHOUT permission. Who cares what word was used. The point of the entire story was much more than that. Obviously you could care less about what happens to women when some doctors choose to do “their own thing” regardless of what their patients request. You sure seem to know a lot about rape. Why would you (I assume you are a man) be googling the word “rape” in the first place and what is the real purpose of your post? To anger those who have been through this or what?

jake you are an absolute IDIOT and completely misinformed… rape is ANY unwanted and non consentual action no matter if the person performing the action is a medical profession… since you clearly are male and have no chance to give birth and actually experience ANY OF THIS i suggest you keep your opinions to yourself and if not im sure many of the women here would be more then happy to perform such actions on you against your will and see how you feel about it after…

A suggestion to prevent “birth rape”…I (patient name) am pregnant and regardless of any instances that may be relevant to such pregnancy as age, medical and pregnancy history, problematic ultrasounds etc. etc. have decided to prevent the possibility of “birth rape”. I state that any procedure, (C-section, epidural, episiotomy, turning baby, etc) the doctor may need to perform will not be attempted even if it means the death of me, my baby or both. If the doctor needs that final push and I don’t feel like it the doctor is forbidden from any action – “No means no even if I am unable to verbalize it out loud”. I or my family still maintains the right to sue anyone involved.

I have a few things to say about this lady’s birth story. I do not know how many people here have medical knowledge, but I am a registered nurse and I have worked in labor and delivery in the past. I also do not know what hospital she went to or how they function as far as complying with state regulations, but I am going to give my educated medical opinion on a few things because it seems as if people here do not have that type of knowledge and need educating. First of all, when a patient is admitted to labor and delivery, that patient signs several consents for “in the event” that something happens, the doctor is allowed to do what is medically necessary in the most safe route for the baby and mother. With that being said, I highly doubt that anyone has had a c-section without giving consent. I can almost guarantee you she signed a consent when she was admitted to labor and delivery. Secondly, if the patient was wearing oxygen, that means her baby’s heart rate was deceling meaning it was dropping and you do not want a babys heart rate dropping for too long of a period because they can die or they can have an anoxic brain injury(from not getting enough oxygen) and be born mentally retarded or have other life long problems due to not getting enough oxygen to the brain. So if she were wearing oxygen, her baby was in trouble and they moved her to the operating room incase her baby’s heart rate dropped too low for too long that they had to perform an emergency c-section. Which from what I am reading, is EXACTLY what happened. In an emergency c-section, the mother is intubated because they have to cut the mother’s stomach and get the baby out as fast as they possibly can in order to save the baby. Just because this lady was given a mask and was told it was oxygen, then went to sleep DOES NOT mean she was breathing in gas. They give medicine through IV (propofol AKA the michael jackson drug) but will pre-oxygenate the lungs before intubating by letting the patient breathe oxygen in through a mask and simutanelously pushing propofol leading to the patient falling asleep so that they can be intubated. The same procedure to put a patient to sleep like this happens for routine surgeries like if you were to have your gallbladder taken out or a hernia repair. ANYWAY, she may have said as everything was happening that she did not want a c-section, but the other outcome would have been a dead baby. So whats the best choice? Deny a c-section and give birth to a stillborn? I would opt for the c-section. Another note-no spouse or any family members are allowing in the OR for an emergency c-section. What happened in this situation was they moved the patient to the OR thinking they’d probably have to end up doing a c-section(not an emergency c-section), and while dad was getting dressed, things went downhill really fast for the baby so the medical team had to act swiftly to save the baby. The mother should be thankful for what was done to save her baby and count her blessings because if it were not for the medical team, she would not have a precious baby to love and care for. As for poor nursing care after the birth in regards to pain meds, etc, I can not speak to that. Some nurses are awesome and take great care of you. Others shouldn’t even work as nurses. Just like any other person at a job that doesn’t perform like they should and gets fired. I’ve seen poor nursing care and it is sad. You expect to be treated as anyone would expect to be treated when you are in the hospital. I am sorry she had poor nursing care, but I 100% agree that the medical team did what was in both her and her baby’s best interest in performing her c-section.

Seriously!??? There is never any emergency bad enough that they can’t say “We need to get your baby out NOW, do you consent?”. If it’s so bad they can’t take 5 seconds to say that, it’s probably too late to save the baby anyway since even general anesthesia takes a few minutes. The medical team fucked up. End of story. The woman ALWAYS has a RIGHT to refuse surgery, EVEN IF it means the baby will die. The majority would never even consider refusing, but medical professionals still need permission to cut someone open, otherwise it’s just assault. And the general permission forms are a huge violation of informed consent, since you’re basically signing away any right you have to refuse anything. I tell every woman DO NOT sign the general permission form. If the hospital insists, cross out everything you disagree with. It is your legal right to modify it and to insist on giving consent or refusal for each procedure separately.

Just to play the Devil’s advocate:….but if baby and mother dies, will that give the father or other relatives the right to sue the hospital, the doctors, the midwife and each of the nurses for millions of dollars for ‘lack of care’ or even criminal negligence leading to the death of two people? Unfortunately, yes. It also means those medical professionals (and yeah, I am in that general category) may loose their licenses or even end up in jail if found guilty. It is a CYA world, but also realize that they really want both of you to live and will do what they can to make it so.

If you don’t want to consent to the hospital’s rules, give birth at home. It is perfectly legal. You can still do all the prenatal care and interview pediatricians. Just be up front about it. If you have a lot of plans for the birth (music, videos, chanting, burning incense or whatnot) realize that a hospital is perhaps not for you. Check out birthing centers in your area who can accomodate you. One of my neighbors had her midwife come to her house and she delivered in an inflatable kid’s pool. You have choices, but just like everything else in life, you cannot have it all. A friend chose a birthing center and had a detailed plan, but almost died because the birth did not go right, had to be taken by ambulance to a hospital, emergency C-section and had to have several units of blood due to excessive tearing. She knew that was a distant risk and chose it anyway. Disappointed, yes, but happy for her baby and her to be alive when they were so close to not make it.

I read Dawn’s story. It is appaling. It leaves me with questions. If she was never given paper work to prove surgery, was her insurance company not billed either(yeah, right)? Her EOB’s should be a clear and blazing trail showing exactly who billed what. If she was given anesthesia, well, the hospitals have very strict regulations on those types of drugs and that would be documented somewhere (date, dose, patient, how many doses if repeated). I don’t know what state she is in – but discharge 46 hrs after a c-section is strange – it is routine for uncomplicated vaginal births after 48 hours, but I thought c-sections required a 5-day stay (all mine were vaginal births and some time ago, so forgive me for not being up to date)? Who did her follow-up care? Her wound alone should have resulted in another batch of notes in her regular ob’s chart? Why did she change OBs so many times and why did she not stay with the OB who have followed her before? I may be atypical, but I was with my OB for 4-5 years for my regular check-ups before I ever got pregnant. Once I got pregnant he told me up front that he did not do specialty care and if my pregnancies were complicated he would refer me to a specialist. I appreciated his honesty and luckily I had no problems. Was her pregnancy particularly complicated? I wish her the best.

You got it right. I’m a CCMA,in GA, and I have had two c-sections for both my girls. Rape is all about power, not sex. And with all the HIPPA laws and Privacy Acts, there’s no way the woman didn’t know what was going on, unless she wasn’t paying attention to what the doctor and nurses were saying, but I bet she signed a lot of papers, and this was best thing for her baby, her baby is alive, she should be thankful they saved her baby. Rape is a horrible injustice, so lets not group it with having a child, just because a woman didn’t get her way, the child comes first as far as I am concerned, I do believe the mother wasn’t in any danger. If you truely want to hear a terrifying birthing experience, I got one that will blow your mind, and it’s my story 18 years ago, in a German hospital.

C elizabeth, with your expertise you have some incorrect experiences yourself. I am a father of three. My second was my son (actually 5 years ago April 16th :)). I was called at work about 2 weeks earlier than expected and was told we need to do an emergency C-section now due to infection. I worked about 15 minutes from the hospital. Drove there, got dressed in the superman outfit including the face mask, then went in to the OR in less than 20 minutes. Everyone was waiting on me to get in before they got started. I’m sure with your ‘experience’ you will say that my procedure probably wasn’t as much of an emergency then but you are wrong. It was so much of an emergency that my son wasn’t breathing on his own for almost 3 minutes. After he started to SLIGHTLY breath, he was on a machine for two days. After 17 days I finally got to bring my son home. Getting to my point, even through all this ciaos, two different doctors three different nurses still had the courtesy to ask my wife “are you okay with this”. The reason I know this is b/c when I got there, I asked appropriate questions. A person saying that they are violated means that they are violated b/c they believe it. Just b/c your definition of violation is different doesn’t mean that it’s not important. Here’s another way to look at it; the people that you say aren’t being violated are the ones paying your salary! Before you make any decision about what to do to another person, you should have authority/permission. I’m sure with your ‘expertise’, you going into any doctor’s office would be the one asking questions to ensure that things are going okay for you, correct? Well put yourself in someone else’s shoes that doesn’t have the knowledge you do; would you want the person with more knowledge to be honest with you? Say a mechanic; “Ma’am, your flux capasitor needs to be replaced and it’s going to cost you $2k. If you pay me now it will only take me 30 minutes. If you wait and come back, it will cost you $3k and it will take me three days”. Think of it as the recipient….

Dawn, the mother in the article above Reply:April 22nd, 2012 at 6:41 am

I had modified the admission consent form by hand writing that consent would need to be obtained on an “as needed” basis.

I was wearing a nasal canula as a precautionary measure. The external monitor wasn’t recording consistent information because I was actively moving, rocking and rotating my hips, on a birthing ball.

I was moved to the OR “just in case”. I was a VBAC. I was asked to labor/deliver in the OR as a precautionary measure. I was not informed of any need for surgical intervention (or any intervention, for that matter). Once in the OR, I was not allowed to continue laboring. I was immediately prepped for surgery. Being gassed isn’t something you can mistake for oxygen. It doesn’t smell the same. I had been gassed in conjunction with medical care in my past, so I knew it was gas. Prior to being gassed, I had no active IV. I was given a hep-lock upon admission, but it wasn’t connected to any tubing.

I said that I didn’t want a c-section. I also said that no one had discussed with me a need for surgery. I said that IF I needed surgery, someone needed to tell me. And I said that I wanted my husband to be with me to make any decisions. If I had been told that I needed a c-section, I would have consented. I was not given that opportunity.

Things didn’t go downhill while my husband was getting dressed. I wasn’t hooked to any monitors during that time. I wasn’t examined during that time.

I’ve never said that I received poor nursing care post-op. I said that post-op no one ever contacted me to explain what happened and when I asked what happened, I was told someone would be fetched to come talk to me, and no one ever did.

Ohhh mama, I am so so so sorry. And I am sorry that you have to come here and read all these negative comments from people that were not there and do NOT know or understand what you went through. I had an unnecessary and coerced c-section 2 years ago – although not nearly the same as your situation where you weren’t even told. I hope you’re healing. If you ever need an ear to listen, I’m here. I started an ICAN chapter after my c-section. I thank you for sharing your story to show people what really is wrong with maternity care in the US and honestly what CAN and DOES happen. After doing research and reading my medical records after the fact, I know that I was lied to… my OB and the medical professionals lied to my face about certain situations in order to do what they wanted to do to me–it DOES happen! That is NOT informed consent, as in your story, and something needs drastic changing in this country. Hugs, mama.

Dawn, the mother in the article above Reply:April 22nd, 2012 at 10:32 am

Thank you. I understand why people don’t believe what happened. It’s unbelievable. No one wants to ‘know’ that things like this happen. I don’t know to know it.

There is an ICAN leader in my city, but she does not actively participate in ICAN. In response to my experience, she held a meeting, once, and I attended. I haven’t heard from her since. And I’m not brave or strong. I can’t lead a group of women toward VBACs, . I do get emails from ICAN via their yahoo group. I search the topics to read if someone shares a similar experience, but I delete most messages. I am simply unable to withstand the “I did it!” posts. I am VERY happy for those women that succeed. I just get sad for myself in comparison and can’t hear their success without becoming overwhelmed by my own failure to do so.

On a side note.. I didn’t share my story to show people anything. I posted my experiences in the VBAC-friendly forum that I had been a part of for most of my pregnancy. Those were women who had already proven their acceptance and concern for me. Again, I am not strong or brave. I couldn’t get up the nerve to ‘alert the media’ or even to call the police. There is anything the media or police can do to make my experience ‘ok’.

I’m positive that there are no circumstances under which any of the medical personell would ever apologise or even explain what happene in an unbiased way. They can’t. There are no acceptable explanations. And an apology would make them legally vulnerable. So since I understand that the only things that could ‘help’ me are things unattainable, I do my best to live with it. I focus on strengthening the bond I have with my son. I make a concerted effort with my every breath to ensure that my son never understands the emotional barriers I feel. My emotional response to his birth has nothing to do with him and I intend to keep it that way.

On the other hand… If by sharing my experience, someone else avoids it for themselves, then I’m ok with the articles being written…. and I’m ok with being called names.. I don’t need to be believed by others. I know what happened to me.

This story should not have even been put on this forum. There is not even near enough information and facts. And I am thinking that there were enough professionals in the room that if anything was done wrong, they would have had to report it. Mandatory reporters. The whole story sounds like someone is trying to find a way for a free plastic surgery to their abdomen. DB

I sure wish most men would stop bugging these women on the sight. WTF? They had an experience you simply can NOT begin to understand. Period. Most of you guys come off arrogant and condescending. Leave the women to their sadnesses, and for heaven’s sake, if you can’t find anything better to do than hang out on sites about birthing, say something positive or say nothing at all. When you can grow a vagina and birth a baby out of it your input will be valued.

Thank you, Dan. Thank you, Elizabeth, and thank you, Jake. Only three comments that actually showed sense. I find it very difficult to believe that events unfolded in the way this woman claims. More likely, she was very distracted and in a great amount of pain and so did not have the best viewpoint in the situation. Perhaps she really believes she was slighted in this way–“Birth raped” ( horrible, monstrous term, by the way)– in which case she needs to find an attorney and let the court make some decisions for her.

As an attorney, I want to state that many of you keep using the word assault. That is not correct. Battery is unconsented to touching,

Wikipedia: “Battery is the tort of intentionally (or, in Australia, negligently) and voluntarily bringing about an unconsented harmful or offensive contact with a person or to something closely associated with them (e.g. a hat, a purse). Unlike assault, battery involves an actual contact. The contact can be by one person (the tortfeasor) of another (the victim), or the contact may be by an object brought about by the tortfeasor. For example, the intentional contact by a car is a battery.”

Also, I 100% agree with C. Elizabeth, who seems like the only rationale person on this board.

This is a horrible and, what I can only assume, traumatic experience for this poor woman, but I find your use of the word rape careless and offensive. I can appreciate that, if true, this is a violation and was performed without consent, but it was not sexual assault or intercourse. Please do not ostracise other women who have been through what you call “traditional rape” by trying to convey the emotion and horror of this story. It takes away from your own point and it’s incredibly offensive.

Poor decisions happen all the time by medical professionals and plenty of doctors feel they know best and ignore their patients’ wishes. Items left behind after surgery, wrong limbs being amputated, etc. To assume the medical professionals knew best in this scenario is a pretty big assumption. Perhaps they did – perhaps they didn’t. Either way it doesn’t matter because ethically they owed her a discussion prior to putting her under. I am sure the statute of limitations has not passed so I do hope the mother in the article does pursue action via a lawyer if for nothing else other than reasonable answers to help her cope. As for the RN who posted with her “expertise” – who in the medical field refers to brain damage due to lack of oxygen “mentally retarded” these days?! Any credibility she tried to muster was completely gone for me at that point. My heart goes out to the mother in this story.

I’m calling BS on this one. There is DEFINITELY more that than what’s on the surface with her story here. One, if you do a little digging on her profile and previous posts on BabyCenter where this is posted, you find that she’s been pregnant at least seven times and in over half of of them there were complications which have resulted in the loss of three babies. Now while that is in itself tragic and I would never wish that upon anyone, it points to there being a very, very, very good chance that there was in fact a medical problem here and a c-section was required. Sounds to me as if she had it all planned out that she wanted a vaginal birth and something was wrong with the baby and she’s sour about it that it didn’t go her way. If she was admitted to the hospital, then she signed a consent form. Just because she didn’t want it, doesn’t mean she never consented to it if it was medically necessary and, given her past, there’s a very good chance it was.

Hurray for a post from someone who dug a little further and used some common sense in their post! I’d say that half the people posting on this sound like complete lunetics! “Birth Rape?” Give me a break!!!

I’ve always said, the goal is to have a baby, not a birth. Some people get fixated on the act, when the point is to have a healthy new life. I have little doubt the medical professionals acted how they should have in this situation, but will pay attention to the story to see if I am proven wrong. The vast majority of doctors, nurses, and other medical staff are great, but like any field, there are terrible ones.

Calling this “Birth Rape” is pathetic. If the situation had played out differently and the baby had died because the mother insisted on vaginal birth, would that be called “Birth Murder”?

What a vulgarly inappropriate use of the word “Rape”. This was not an assault and there was no violence. Even if this is true, it is not violent or rape, by any means. Who ever wrote this is insensitive. How can you report another woman’s story and taint it like that. Have some respect.

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[…] Yesterday afternoon I caught a tweet about Birth Rape from one of the women I follow on twitter. Emily had a c-section a little over a year ago, and as time went on was not happy with her experience. While her blog is mainly about her son who is super cute, she posts some birth stuff, like the birth rape post. […]