I don't even mind walking uphill

Yes, you do. On the upside, since the city is basically built on a giant hill, your calves get a solid workout.

Poutine isn't so bad for you, right?

Wrong. All that fat, sodium, and 'dem calories are just as bad for you as you think they are. Not like you're going to let that stop you. Give in to the lie and eat up.

Of course the cab will take debit.

That would make sense, right? But in this backwards city, where most cab drivers think it isn't all that necessary to provide riders a means to pay electronically, you might have to run through a few cabs 'til you find one that'll take a card. Though apparently they're all supposed to take cards now so let's hope for the best.

Oh, the road is closed? I'm sure the construction will be done soon.

Then a year passes, and they're still drilling up the street, making you wonder what the hell they're "improving" anyway. No wonder businesses tend to tank in this city.

Winter will be fine. Actually, I love the winter!

Sure, you may love Christmas and the first few snow falls, but each and every year you experience some mild amnesia that makes you forget just how excruciatingly long winter is. Which brings us to our next delusion of grandeur...

It's not that cold.

No, no, it's negative 30 outside. It really is that cold.

The Habs are going to take the cup this year.

Apparently, this might actually come true this season. That is, of course, if the Habs don't mess it up, which has been the norm since '93.

Montreal pizza is awesome!

Only if you're paying $20 at a legit Italian restaurant. The kind you like is just a thick piece of bread with a slab of cheese thrown on. Sure, drunk you loves it, but drunk you loves anything with enough grease on top.

Being stuck in traffic gives me so much time to think and relax before work!

Does it though? No, that's just what you tell yourself every morning to get through the living hell that is traffic in this city, which is the worst in Canada, by the way.

I think I'm going to stay in and get work done this weekend.

Said so often, yet never really followed up by anyone. It's okay, as long as you think it for a hot second, that totally justifies getting schwasty all weekend.