The secret blog/self-therapy space of Ms Dolly Daydream*; ex professional career girl/social butterfly/commitment phobe trying to make it (fake it; most of the time) in the real world as a new mummy and a fully fledged girlfriend/partner (I guess?) looking after 3 people and a home. Eek.
*name totally fabricated in order to protect identity of self from partner/family/friends/the world for fear of hurting the feelings of those mentioned (or getting attacked with a kitchen knife)

Thursday, 19 April 2012

The time has come when I must think about the big return to work since leaving the office back in August 2011, in preparation for that big moment when my life would change forever; and I would never look back.

I went into the office last week to meet with my HR Manager and Head of Operations to discuss the options available to me regarding returning to work. I was provided with the 'Maternity Policy', 'Flexible Working Policy' and the 'Keeping in Touch with Work Days Policy'. A lot of reading, then.

I only started with my current (Law) Firm early 2011 and unfortunately I'd only been working there a few days when I discovered I was pregnant. Had I have found out a few weeks earlier then I'd have been still under the employ of my old Firm and therefore entitled to 'Enhanced Maternity Pay', given that I'd been there over five years. But I wasn't. So I wasn't entitled to any maternity pay. Bugger.

As I'm receiving Maternity Allowance from the government, this runs out on 1st June 2011 and I therefore need to consider going back to work by then. We discussed the options of me working part-time; four days per week. We also discussed me doing flexible hours to fit in with my childcare needs. I'm not exactly sure what will happen yet. My mum will have my bubs on a Wednesday, my Aunt one other day, she'll go to Nursery another and possibly MIL will have her one day too. Hopefully I'll get at least one day per week that I'll get to be off work and spend some quality time with my scrummy girl. This all needs some serious planning and discussing. My hours will also depend on times I will have to drop her off, collect her etc from family and possibly nursery.

I'd had my return to work planned out in my head beautifully. We'd be staying with mum for a few months rather than weeks (we had the option of staying in the BF's parents city apartment overlooking the river, but I politely declined, favouring being cramped into a small bedroom back home where I had a network of family and other friends on maternity leave around me) and then as it was leading up to Christmas, present buying would keep me busy (as well as this newborn baby I had too, obvs) and we would be quite happy there until around mid January when we would start getting fed up and be ready to move into a house of our own. We would then spend a couple of months doing it up and then I would enjoy the last month or two of my maternity leave in my new house exploring our new area, just me and my little sidekick, before I'd have to go back to reality.

Well the beginning part went to plan, only when Christmas came and went, we seen a house we instantly loved, agreed an offer on it and it was accepted. The Vendor however seemed dodgy and things didn't seem quite right. We ended up pulling out of the sale. We continued on our search for our first family home and found another lovely little place. Again, offer accepted, a week later, husband of Vendor decides he longer wants to sell, after the place being on the market for three years. Pah. At the end of February we found our little palace to be....which you will be able to read more about here. The sale is still going through and once we get the keys the house needs ripping to pieces.

You don't have to be no genius to work out that by the 1st June (approximately six weeks time) I will definitely not have been in my lovely home which has been completely renovated to my taste for a month or two. In fact, the reality of it is, we may not even have the keys, or we will be in the process of knocking walls down. Not good.

I am quite lucky in the sense that I had already worked with my current Head of Operations in a previous job, so she knows me well. As I mentioned before, as soon as I started my new role I fell immediately pregnant. Although this was a happy time for me, it was very hard too. I was looking forward to starting a fresh new page in my career book. I was hoping to work hard, stand out, get noticed, be promoted, you know, the usual. However, this was all, shot to shit, basically, when I was struck down with the awful Hyperemesis Gravidarum (severe vomiting) and was hospitalised a good few times; resulting in a lot of time off work. Then once I was past the first 18 weeks and waved HG a happy goodbye, I had about 4 weeks of normal pregnancy before I started having heart problems and became anaemic where I was constantly on 24 hour heart monitors and having scans and the likes. Resulting in more time off work and my caseload being taken off me to reduce the stress. More time off work also ensued. Not ideal. At all.

When I do return to work there is naturally going to be a huge pressure on me to show my Employers exactly what I can do, when I am actually in work! So the last thing I'm going to need is having builders, plasterers, plumbers etc calling me up and presenting me with problems (which is all expected with this shithole, ahem, house). But what do we women do about that? We get on with it. Because there is nothing else we can do!!

Maybe there will be a period of time where I am going to be running around like a headless chicken each morning and being constantly harassed throughout the day. But it won't last forever, I'm sure I'll handle it.

Then there is the other side of returning to work; leaving my precious little princess each day with someone else than me. But of course that is a whole other post.

I have no idea how things are going to pan out as yet, but one thing is for certain, things will work themselves out, they always do.

Monday, 16 April 2012

So today friends, as some of you may know from my Twitter account...I have started the Slimming World diet.

During my adult life I haven't really tried out too many different types of diets as I've never really needed to. Smug bitch; you might say. But no, I've never been a super toned skinny minnie.....my usual weight is around nine and a half stone. If I'm dieting, I can get down to around nine stone and I look SKINNY then. This is an extreme rarity (is that how you spell it??!), though.

The last time I was this weight was 2 years ago to the month. BF was travelling in Australia. We had dated for around three months before he pissed off (I always knew he was going) and we agreed we would speak every now and again, probably just through Facebook, as friends. If both of us happened to be single when he came back (if he ever did) then we would give it a go. We ended up kind of falling for each other just before he went though, so the friends thing never did really happen; but that's another story!!

When we first started dating I was at my heaviest. Probably just under ten stone. I agree it's not very heavy at all and I'm not saying I was fat; but a stone heavier than my normal happy weight makes a dramatic difference to me at five foot four. At that weight I didn't feel confident or happy in my own skin or clothes for that matter. And I think that's what matters. The figures on the scales or the measuring tape don't matter; it's how you feel inside. I used to think to myself 'I bet he looks at me and thinks; she'd be a keeper if she was a bit slimmer and more confident'. Mad aren't I? I'm sure we've all been there though!!

Anyhoo, whilst he was there, we would speak on and off, I would see girls flirting with him on Facebook, see pictures of his nights out....and as every normal girl does; I got jealous. So I thought, right. I can't carry on like this. I am supposed to be going out and enjoying myself and trying to forget this stupid boy on the other side of the world. I need to get my confidence back and lose weight for me. Obviously on the sly I wanted to lose weight, look amazing, splash my new model-esque pictures all over Facebook and then he'd probably be on the next plane at Sydney Airport.

www.weightwatchers.co.uk

I joined Weight Watchers and was ready for action. I'd done this on other occasions over the years and found it to be really effective. The diet was so easy as you could literally eat whatever you wanted. You had to count points for each food and you were allocated so many points per day. My daily allowance was 18 points. I never ever stuck to that. I ever weighed anything. I just kind of stuck to around that . And the weight just dropped off. The first week I lost around 5lb and that just gave me the boost I needed to carry on. I would still go out drinking of a weekend, I would still have my stodgy fast food hangover food. It was amazing. I started running of an evening and weekend. I felt so good. Soon enough and I got down to nine stone three (ish) and I felt amazing. My face looked different, my hair felt different (it probably wasn't) and I could swan into any shop and choose any item of clothing I fancied. No more floaty smock tops and leggings for me! I went out on a few nights out, got a load of pictures taken and got them up on Facebook.

Hey Presto. The boy was bowled over. At the time we weren't speaking (there were plenty of fall outs) so I sneakily changed my profile picture ( I knew he'd look) and left the album of new pictures to public. He was like putty in my hands. Mwahahahahaha. Three months later and he cut his trip short by four months. His plan was to stay for at least a year to see out his Visa.

Six months later. BAM. Pregnant. Nine months after that? Four and a half stone of weight gain. Oh yes my friends. FOUR AND A HALF STONE. Thirteen and a half stone I weighed at term. Two of the buggers feel straight off me (probably water) upon giving birth; which took me down to eleven and a half. The next half a stone started to come off gradually. I was then at eleven stone and ready to get my body back.

I re-joined Weight Watchers and for the first time in my life stuck to it flawlessly. I even joined a programme called 'Bikini Body Bootcamp' and went there three times in my first week. I skipped excitedly into my first weigh in waiting to hear..' Oh my GOD! You've lost three stone!! I've never ever seen that happen before!! You are AMAZING at dieting!!'. Well ok, I was maybe hoping for...' well done Dolly, you've lost five pounds in your first week just like you did last time'.

One and a half pound I'd lost. I couldn't believe it. I'd been utterly convinced I'd lose I had a lot more water weight and it'd just drop off. But it never. I wasn't given the boost I needed to carry on and I fell into my old ways again. It was hard to embark on another diet now, cooking proper home cooked hearty meals for the BF made it increasingly difficult to survive on a diet of salad, chicken and brocolli. Staying home all day I'd feast on whatever available and out and about I couldn't stay away from the fast food.

Slowly but surely another half a stone has come off without dieting and in fact, actually eating like a pig. I ended up taking some supposedly herbal slimming tablets a few weeks ago, lost eight pounds in two days, and ended up in A and E due to chest pains, paraeasthesia and palps (yet again another tale) so they got flushed down the toilet and that eight pounds found it's way back to my arse.

Here I am. Roughly ten stone seven (give a take a few pounds- my scales are crap). I'm considering joining the Slimming World group weight in with my friend but see it as a bit of an expense; so I'll see how I go first.

I'm hoping to get down to nine and a half stone again. Not my favourite weight; but it's a start and hey. I'm a Mother now.

Do any of you have any pregnancy weight slimming tales?? I'd love to hear about them! Why not write a post on your own blog and link back up here! Also anyone with any slimming world tips I'm allll ears.

I'm off to have my Weetabix with skimmed milk and sweetner. I promise to keep you all updated.....laters.

Saturday, 14 April 2012

I haven't written a blog post for a good while now. I do realise I need to keep up and create posts more regularly but upon entering this new world I have stumbled upon (and been welcomed to with open arms by many yummy mummies) I have found that I am just not so great with computers. At all. So I've been spending the majority of my time trying to learn new things, keep in touch with my new 'pals' and keep up to date with the blogs I follow.

However, Easter weekend I probably done none of the above. Why I hear you ask? Because, my friends; I went PARTYING. TWICE. IN ONE WEEKEND/MONTH/YEAR.

This never ever happens to me and in fact this was my first time out with all my little lovely lady friends since November 2010. Yup. Almost 18 months. Rewind 2 years and I was up there with the best of them; out every weekend at the coolest places to be with the coolest people to know drinking the coolest drinks there are. I was also at the worst places to be, drinking the worst drinks known to man; but the company was always fabulous. I was just anywhere!!

Thursday night and myself along with eight of my favourite friends headed out to a Travelodge hotel in the city to commence our night. This was booked on the back of a sale and cost us a fiver each; which was far cheaper than taxi's home; hence the reason for booking.

We stopped off at Boots in a local retail park whilst I ran in for some falsies (eyelashes). I always use Eyelure Naturalites in number 107.

Eyelure Naturalites Eyelashes no 10

For someone with quite small eyes, they really open up your eyes and give them a great shape. I can't go out without them on a night out and unleash my little stumps; I hate them. They cost about £5.30 (ish) but can be worn again and again and are really easy to stick to your own eyelids. I have so far been unable to successfully stick an eyelash to my eyelid properly without an eye full of glue with any other brand. These bad boys are the bomb; let me tell ya!!

After there we continued on to our destination. We were around two minutes away from our destination when I spotted flashing blue lights in my rear view. Bugger. Three points and a sixty quid fine later (i was doing just short of 50 in a 30 zone; I thought it was a 40 and didn't realise I was going so fast due to the level of excited girly gossip going on in my car- don't judge) and we arrived. Drinks were flowing and we all started getting ready with the music on having a dance around and generally just being girls.

Even though I was there with my nearest and dearest; I couldn't help feeling very out of place and uneasy. I know they know I've just had a baby; yet for some reason I felt the need to keep mentioning it when I was dressed. Why? I guess I just wanted to be the old me again; just for the night and guess what? I wasn't. I came to the conclusion that I will never be the old me again; because the new me is here. The new me who still has a stone of baby weight to shift, the new me who feels insecure and is lacking in confidence since becoming a mum and the new me who just isn't a crazy party girl anymore.

The girls of course tried to make me feel better by telling me I looked amazing; especially for just having had a baby...but of course that didn't work, I still didn't feel good. We went out into the cold air night (me with a leather jacket glued to my back as I wanted to be as covered as possible!) and headed for our nearest favourite bar in the city.

The cocktails, champagne and vodka soon started flowing and before long we moved on to a cool new bar opening (which was not very cool at all) before finishing the night in our favourite club which we frequented week in week out for many years.

As soon as I walked in; I was shocked. I am only 26 and guess what? I felt OLD. Every person walking around in there was around the age of 18 and I even found myself trying to mother a couple of young boys (around 16 years old) at the bar. I was standing for an age trying to get served they offered to get me a drink to which I responded something along the lines of...'Pah! Don't be so ridiculous, I am old enough to be your mother, I've been coming here since you were in nappies, I will buy you children a drink if anything, I'm a mother now don't you know....' Embarrassing much!!

Even though the place was full of really young people, all the girls being together we still had a ball. We danced in to the wee hours of the morning before heading back to the hotel in a taxi (via Mcdonalds) and all crashed into bed. The next morning we chatted excitedly about the nights events before all heading home again in a convoy of cars.

It felt so good to be me again (the new me, granted, not the old me; I think she's gone forever) and not to be just 'mummy'; but I realised I had had my fill for a long time and wasn't desperate to get back out again quite so soon. I was desperate to get back to my little girl though and see her big happy gummy smile. There's nothing quite like the feeling of having big cuddles with your little person knowing they are happy to see you.

Friday, 6 April 2012

In around 4 weeks times (hopefully!) BF and I should be the proud owners of our first little house together.

A home however; it is not. The place is at the moment, in a word; disgusting. As soon as we get the keys we are going to have to literally rip out the kitchen (if that's what the current owner wants to call it then so be it), the bathroom (which is not fit for even a rat to wash in) knock walls through, pull hideous polystyrene tiles from the ceilings and the list just goes on and on and on.

However. As much as I wish we were buying something that was at least liveable; I am very excited because it means we get to do everything from scratch exactly to our taste!!

So lovelies....I have decided to blog about my quest for the perfect sofa and the most stylish bed linen.

Wednesday, 4 April 2012

I was tagged in this meme by the fabulous fellow newbie blogger CJ over at A Mummys View . CJ is lovely lady that has taken time out to give me a few tips about blogging and I am very grateful!

To get involved all you have to do is write your own Mums 101 post, list your top three gripes/bugbears relating to motherhood, tag some other blogger and link up over on Emily's page at Never Bored of Bubbles

1. When OH's think they are giving you some 'you' time by entertaining the baby whilst you do chores....Right. So, I look after the baby all day every day, as is my duty. I'm on maternity leave. I getup with her through the night if need be. I see to her most weekends. I also look after her when you work of a weekend, go for a game of golf or go to the pub to watch the football. When you entertain her whilst I am trying to get washing/cleaning/cooking done this is NOT you giving me some time off. This is you doing one job whilst I am doing another. I do not enjoy chores. I do not look forward to you looking after the baby so I can get right into my housework. If I moan about you going to golf for the umpteenth time this month, do NOT respond "what's the problem? I watched the baby this morning whilst you done your kitchen and windows." It is not MY kitchen. Its is ours and it is a chore not a pleasure.

2. Fast food cup holders....they are absolutely POINTLESS. Even more pointless when they give you one drink in the holder. Why? I hate them. I burn up inside when I approach the last window at the McDonalds drive thru anticipating the cup holder being handed over to me. I always give it back. Like the sales assistant is even one tiny bit arsed.

3. When cashiers give you your receipt folded up with notes....annoying! Your at the checkout of a busy shop. You have an arm full and a pram full of shopping and have no spare hands. instead of handing you your receipt separately or putting it into one of your bags; the cashier puts it into your hand in between a five pound and a ten pound note and a hand full of coins. You can't just cack-handedly throw the money in your purse, you then have to walk over to the side of the store (as the cashier is already rushing you away from their till by beginning another sale) put all of your shopping down to free up your hands, separate your receipt from money and put it in a separate part of your bag. I realise I am a freak and I am totally on my own with this one.

I have decided to created my own meme as I am desperately trying to juggle my life at the moment and reading all of the fabulous blogs out there it appears to me that a lot of you are just naturals at living life day to day; flawlessly. You have babies to look after, blogs to nuture, husbands to entertain, houses to maintain, jobs to go to and all that I am thinking in my tiny little baby brain zapped mind is....HOW DO YOU DO IT?!?!?

So now...I am asking you to actually tell me how you juggle your life and find the right balance. I am currently staying with my mum and getting help and still not coping so I am DREADING moving into my own home and going back to work and things getting even worse!

Rules:

Please post the rules.

When answering the questions, please give as much detail as possible!

Leave a comment on Sex, Drugs, Rocker and...Stroller, baby. so we can keep track of the meme and I can totally steal your routine tips to make my world a happier place.

Also if you want (and I'd really like you to!) add a little paragraph at the bottom to give a general summing up about your weekly routine!

Tag 3 or more people and link to them on your blog.

Tweet tweet tweet #howdoyoufindthetimetomeme

AND even if none of you fancy filling it in don't worry; I've enjoyed writing mine anyhoo :-)

Here are the questions...

How and when do you find the time to...

....do your laundry?

I have tried to get into the routine of grabbing clothes of a morning just after my LO's first feed (usually around 6.30-7am) and put it on. Somedays I do. Most days I don't. I tend to leave it to build up and then spend an entire groundhog day frantically working my way through 7 loads of washing. Even then I am known to leave washing in the machine, forget about it, it stinks, I have to wash it again. I also have a bad habit of hanging out washing and leaving it there. I desperately need to buck up my ideas. I know!

....write a blog post?

Well as a brand new blogger, I haven't written many. I have just been spending time tweeting and reading other blogs and I definitely need to put aside some assigned time to do all of this as at the moment I am doing it throughout the day when my baby is sleeping and when she is pre occupied whizzing around in her wheelie walker chasing the dog. I also do it in bed of a night when the BF is watching the footy. I feel though that I should be utilising this time to keep up with my chores so that they don't get on top of me or maybe doing other boring tasks I have to do like sorting out old clothes for the charity shop, sorting through bills and filing them etc!

I rarely do these days! I try to grab a shower of a morning whilst LO is occupied or sleeping. It's literally a 3 minute get wet, wash armpits with soap, clean body, get out. Get dressed. I no longer have time for outfit planning and trying different things. I throw on a (mostly un-ironed) tshirt and pair of leggings, team that with a blazer a big scarf and a pair of flat brogues and that's about as far as it goes for me. I cover my entire head with dry shampoo (have been known to go without washing for up to two weeks) tie it up in a knot and go. If i'm feeling super grim or going somewhere nice (hardly ever!) I'll throw on a bit of makeup in the car when I arrive at my destination. Sometimes; I don't get a chance to shower, it's a baby wipe and a bit of Sure. If I do wash and blow my hair, it's once a week of an evening. It bores me greatly.

....spend time with your other half?

Well at the moment, BF and I are staying at my mums house with the bubs. Three of us crammed into one room with all of our stuff. Mums house isn't big by any stretch of the imagination! We mainly sit in our bedroom of an evening, baby asleep in the cot, TV on low whispering to one another. Usually; the footy or the Xbox is on and I am surfing the net. We make sure we have at least one family day of a weekend where we go out for the day; wherever that may be. To his mums and out for lunch, shopping or maybe a nice walk. My mum is really, really good with us. As LO is in bed by 7pm latest, whenever we want we pop out for dinner or shopping and whenever we fancy a night out we always have a babysitter. We hardly do this though due lack of funds to due buying a new home!

....do fun stuff with your LO?

As aforementioned, we have at least one family day each weekend. I also try to get out of the house most days as if i didn't, I'd probably commit. I try to have at least one day each week in the house. My grandma comes over and watches the baby whilst I put clean washing away, change my bed, hoover and tidy around. The rest of the days I try to do a few bits in the morning; put a wash on, wash and sterilise bottles etc and then get both of us ready and head out somewhere for the day. Usually visiting relatives, going to the park, spending time with our other mummy and baby friends, playgroup, shopping, anywhere.

....spend time with family?

As mentioned above, i try to get out with my LO a lot each weekday. Sometimes we visit family members that don't work 9-5pm jobs like my grandma, BF's mum both of our aunties. I see my mum every night and weekend as I live with her and we see the BF's parents and siblings either on saturday or sunday when we visit. Each saturday morning my family members tend to visit us at home before we head off anywhere.

....socialise with friends?

I hardly do these days. Sadly. Supose this is just what happens when you grow up, have a family and take on a sh*tload of responsibility! I try to just grab the opportunity whenever I can. Get them to pop over during lunchtime, I'll pop over there if BF is playing golf or at work at weekends etc.

....prepare an evening meal juggling a baby/toddler bedtime routine?

Luckily as I've said, I live with my mum at the moment. I try to get home from a day out at around 4pm so I can have a quick whizz round the house clearing toys, throwing strewn baby wipes in the bin etc. Then hopefully my little doll will settle in her bouncer and I can prepare some dinner for her dad getting home at 5pm. I'll then feed LO her dinner before her bath at 6pm and bottle straight after. BF usually baths her whilst I do the dishes or viceversa. If he is home late, he and I will eat dinner whilst my mum feeds the baby. We all just muck in! DREADING being on my own!

....deep clean your house?

I don't. It seems our house is constantly a mess! It is so tiny and with four of us crammed in plus the dog it is such a nightmare. My lovely mum spends a lot of her weekend mopping hoovering dusting etc whilst we are out. When I move house I imagine the BF will have to take the LO to see his mum or something on a saturday morning so that I can get it all done!

....do the food shopping?

Sometimes whilst bubba is sleeping and my mum is home, the BF and I nip to our local Asda in the evening after dinner. Ideally I should do it online. But I don't. I am lazy.

....bulk ironing?

Again- I don't! BF comes from a world where he puts his clothes in the 'magic basket' the night before and the next day after work they are hanging clean and ironed in his wardrobe. Not in this house though, mate. His mum was lucky enough to be a housewife with no young children and so fortunately had the time for that type of stuff. I don't and quite frankly; it bores me to tears. I just quickly whip the iron out and iron as I wear. Rather spend five minutes each day ironing than devoting an entire sunday evening to it.

Saturday, 31 March 2012

I've been tagged by the lovely MishMashMummy in this Meme! Love this Meme as I enjoy reading about what everyone was up to before their lives changed forever!!

Rules:

Please post the rules.

Answer the questions in as much or as little detail as suits you.

Leave a comment on mother.wife.me so we can keep track of the meme.

Tag 3 people and link to them on your blog.

Let them know you tagged them.

Tweet loudly about taking part #amothersworkmeme.

Questions:

1. Did you work before becoming a mum?

Yes, and I still do. I'm just on maternity leave at the moment. I work for a major Law Firm in the North West as a Paralegal/Legal Excutive. Basically, for those that don't know what one of those is, I do exactly the same job as a Solicitor only I don't earn as much money as I have one more year long course to do in order to gain the job title (and the extra $$$$!!). I done my degree part time over five years with a full time and a part time job.

2. What is your current situation?

I found out I was pregnant just after leaving my old Firm (where I was for five years) and joining another one. Damnit! Therefore I was not entitled to Maternity pay and whereas if I'd have stayed where I was I would of gotten full pay for six months and half pay for a further three. Boohoo. I've been on Maternity leave since 1st September of last year and it's not been decided when I will return to work as of yet. At present, we are staying with my mother (the BF, the LO and I) and are in the process of buying our first home together; which by the way needs completely gutting. Not a thing can be salvaged as it's in that much of a state! Anyhoo. I'm in turmoil at the moment over going back to work; whilst I want an element of normality back in my life I don't want to go back full time and miss out on watching my daughter grow up. Hopefully I'll be able to find a happy medium as nursery fees by us are almost the same amount as my pay!! Ridiculous!

3. Freestyle – got your own point you’d like to get across on this issue? Here’s your chance…

I'm with MishMashMum on this one!! Childcare in the country sucks. It's too bloody expensive. How the hell do the governmentwork things out? I don't get it!! Maternity leave is for no longer than twelve months; yet free childcare doesn't start until the child is three years old. What exactly are we to do with our children for those two years, then?

Im not looking forward to my little girl starting school because she's going to have to go to a breakfast and after school club. I won't get to drop her off and pick her up; my hours simply won't allow for it!