The Times They Are a-Different Than They Used To Be

Mr. Singh, who works next door to Mr. Kraus, is more uncertain. Customers from the neighborhood are coming in “more and more,” he said. But he lost 40 percent of his business when the city created bike lanes along Ninth Avenue, making it impossible for taxis to park in front of his store.

Just for kicks, I used a popular mapping application to obtain a "street view" of Mr. Singh's store, and here is what I saw:

So yeah, thanks to these horrible bike lanes, instead of parking right in front of the store the taxi drivers now need to park a whole twenty (20) paces away at most.

This is not to begrudge Mr. Singh his right to make a robust living, and I certainly acknowledge he had a pretty sweet setup for years as far as feeding taxi drivers, what with being right in front of the hydrant and all:

(Easy to pull over.)

Still, my main question is this:When the hell has a bike lane ever stopped a taxi driver from stopping?If anything, if you didn't know any better, you'd just assume they were passenger pick-up and drop-off zones.

Also, this is a story about a "rising tide of wealth" subsuming humble shopkeepers, and it's worth noting how effortlessly the riding of bicycles--which arguably makes the city more accessible to people of limited means drowning in a rising tide of wealth--is often woven into the narrative of evil gentrification run amok.

Then again, maybe bike lanes are arteries of evil. Just a few blocks south of Mr. Singh's shop is the New York City headquarters of a certain company that makes a popular mapping application, as well as an Internet searching engine, a video-sharing website, and a social network nobody uses. So perhaps this bike lane merely serves an an artery of smugness for the certain company's employees, and once they're at work they deprive Mr. Singh of much-needed business by dining in their famously well-appointed cafeteria.

I really don't know, I'm not a socioecononomist.

All I know is that for a moment I thought maybe Mr. Singh could turn the bike lane situation to his advantage by marketing to bike messengers instead of cab drivers. But then I realized that loading up on Indian food in the middle of the day is not exactly the wisest choice for a messenger who's still got five hours of riding to do--unless his goal is to clear out the elevator at his next pick-up, which now that I think of it isn't a bad time-saving trick.

("Everybody out! The messenger just cut one!")

That's how you turn a local into an express.

Speaking of Manhattan and soul-crushing hyper-gentrification, I was knocking around downtown this past weekend when I passed a humble sidewalk sale:

I feel really bad for the kid whose fashion-conscious parents spend $125 for a 400lb Ross sold to them as a Schwinn (or "Schwin") because they're charmed by the vintage aesthetic. Granted my own first bike was a nearly-identical Ross, but that's only because it was actually the 1970s--and even then the bike didn't cost anything since it had previously belonged to my cousin. Most frightening of all though is that this bike will wind up being purchased by an adult, who will invariably ride it around the trendier precincts of the city, causing good honest working people like Mr. Singh to shake their heads when they salmon on by in the bike lane while gabbing on a cellphone.

The company has begun building a fleet of 100 experimental electric-powered vehicles that will dispense with all the standard controls found in modern automobiles. The two-seat vehicle looks a bit like the ultracompact Fiat 500 or the Mercedes-Benz Smart car if you take out the steering wheel, gas pedal, brake and gear shift. The only things the driver controls is a red “e-stop” button for panic stops and a separate start button.

My first reaction upon reading this was that it was great news for cyclists, for here after all is a vehicle that is so diminutive that it couldn't intimidate even the most diminutive cyclist--and the best part is that it only goes 25mph:

Google’s prototype for its new cars will limit them to a top speed of 25 miles per hour. The cars are intended for driving in urban and suburban settings, not on highways. The low speed will probably keep the cars out of more restrictive regulatory categories for vehicles, giving them more design flexibility.

That means you can give the driver the finger and easily sprint away.

But the more I thought about it the more worried I became. As it is, if a driver hits you while you're riding a bike, the police will virtually always assume you were somehow at fault--even if the driver is an unlicensed and uninsured homicidal maniac with a criminal record and a meth lab in the trunk. Now imagine you somehow get hit by one of these little driverless golf carts. Who do you think is getting blamed for that? The car designed by the most talented software engineers the world has ever seen? Or you, the smugmonger in shants and a pannier full of shattered craft beers?

And that's how cars will win the war once and for all. In the future, you will always be wrong. All the time.

Then the computers will finally take over everything and humankind will be reduced to slaves in a horrific techno-dystopia, yadayadayada.

When Pupko later attempted to clarify to police that the rope was tied with the apparent intention of causing injury, he was brushed off, he said."[The lieutenant] is patting me on the back saying 'We're trying to help you here, not hurt you,' as if I'm this liar trying to fabricate the whole thing," he said. But when he insisted that the lieutenant take the report as a crime, he resisted. "He said 'Your friend was involved in a serious traumatic incident, there are certain inconsistencies we have to clarify,'" he said.

Sure, the lieutenant had every reason to be skeptical. How does he know Pupko didn't hurt himself while fixed-gear jump-roping, which everyone knows is the new bike polo?

Hey. I just finished reading the article about Mr. Singh. How timely.Wildcat and New Yorkers: yesterday while eating my breakfast, my wife started laughing while reading the weddings in the Style section. One of the brides-to-be is a consultant for Pre-K kids as to which pre-school to go to. Really? I love your city, but, this seems a bit over the top.

Lucky us in Chicago, our Bike to Work Week doesn't start till June 13.

Saw something interesting last week. A guy used the protected bike lane to move a car from one parking lot to another about 50 yards away. If he'd used the street, he'd have been going the wrong way (it's a one-way street). If he'd used the sidewalk he'd have saved a couple of seconds, but I guess he has standards.

I wonder what the reaction would be if someone where to anchor and tension a 1/2" wire rope for a car snare? I'm sure it wouldn't be no criminality, nothing to see here, move along. Just something for the low riders to hop over.

Bikes ARE a symbol of gentrification -- if you're homeless. "This neighborhood used to be accessible. Now just look at these pretentious rich douchebags with their $200 bikes. What's next... a TACO BELL!?!?!?!?!"

It'd be cool if like, a neighborhood was full of millionaires, but then all the BILLIONAIRES started buying up property and the millionaires were forced out. And they'd be like "I remember when you used to be able to get a bhajee for just $30 around here."

Speaking of that, if you're in an upscale neighborhood like Singh is now, you raise your prices and upscale your shit from its current crappy-looking cockroach-ridden state, or you move somewhere cheaper beyatch!

1904-Leave your legs hairy, but shave your balls and tell everybody you meet. That way, you'll finish the ride with no more friends than you started with, giving you time to ride instead of having to be social.

Cotardi- I could advise you either way on this..either go complete yosemite sam on'em (no bathing or shaving for a week)..or remove all body hair &leave no doubt about itat the start line..half measures are no damn good...Fred's gotta do what a Fred's gotta do

There is a "pub" in my town named "the barking spider". After ariving there one night last year and learning that there is NOTHING to lock a bike to, my girl and i peeked inside, saw the place was empty (3 other patrons) and pushed our bikes inside and off to an empty corner. We were prompty told our bikes could not be inside to which i made the argument that there was no parking outside. The establishment did not care and so the lost my patronage. Moral of the story is that the Barking Spider is a really shitty place...

Mikeweb -- Thanks, I'm mending fine. A couple of days after the crash, a faint facial marking emerged that looks like a prison tattoo of tears. I'll be sorry to see it go. (But I won't miss my dog's Folsom Prison Blues jokes. I didn't shoot anyone in Reno. I've never been to Reno.)

BSNYC -- I would have parked on the street, like I usually do in that neighborhood in the summer, but we were running late. If I'd ridden a bike, it would have taken a lot less time to get there, parking would not have been an issue, and I would have arrived in a better mood.

1904 Cadardi -- Been there, wondered that. Go Full Fred. Trust me. One of the benefits of reaching a certain age as a rider is that you are exempt from convention and can dress/depiliate accordingly.

Why theankyeeew, though of course this is undeserved since I don't actually know what "runcible" means. I assume they explain it to you at the Nyack city line as you're publicly urinating on a shrubbery, but alas, I have never been further north than Palisades, where I went to visit my rich-ass friend.

Either geo-block this blog so as to restrict it to the few readers residing in the neighbourhood of the Larking Hampster, or detail the nature of the premises so that the entire readership may follow the conversation.

I'm working here temporarily, but if I decide to stay permanently, I'll plan on living close enough to bike to work every day. There are showers and towels in every building, and dedicated lockers for "self powered commuters". For those who need added Smugness they will donate to a charity on your behalf each time you bike to work.

Many people around SF blame those buses for the high rents. I don't see the problem if it keeps more cars off the road. I'd be interested in reading your take on them!

"But he lost 40 percent of his business when the city created bike lanes along Ninth Avenue."I find that incredibly unlikely. If any small business owner, especially a restaurant, lost 40% of REVENUE, they would likely lose any margin whatsoever that they had and be in arrears on rent immediately. More likely he notices fewer cabbies eating there and pulled a number out of his ass.

The evil white SF buses of our tech overlords go by my house every morning. They have bike racks on the back, but I have yet to see a bike on one. Good old Caltrain though, is stuffed with bikes heading down to Mountain View and Palo Alto

I'm here! Well, if hospitals count as here, that is. We topped 50km/ hr on the vet ride yesterday when a few of us crashed. Broke my clavicle and completely shattered my scapula. Scheduled for surgery tomorrow though they said there is nothing they can so for the scapula. /(

This just in: brain surgeon says helments are actually useless.http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/10866273/Cycle-helmets-are-useless-says-brain-surgeon.html#source=refreshActually, this was something we all suspected long ago, but I shared it nevertheless.

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About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!