My Dog Magazine

Essex Lion “Probably a Pit Bull”

If you haven’t heard, there’s a lion on the loose in Essex (probably ((not)).

Any way, experts have been lining up to explain what the feral feline probably is and the general consensus is(n’t) that it’s maybe, or could be a Pit Bull type dog.

This is, of course, not possible. Pit Bulls are banned in the UK (so therefore they are just as unlikely to be roaming the countryside as lions, right?) Lions, which CAN be kept provided you have the right paperwork (a DWAL – Dangerous Wild Animals Licence) are thought to be frightened of Pit Bull type dogs and will cower when faced with any bull breed type dog above the age of 6 months (source: some science guy).

Locking Jaws & Flesh Eating

With their infamous locking jaws and fondness for consumption of human flesh, it makes sense to us (and Ken Baker) to call for this lion/Pit Bull to be swatted with the biggest tranquilliser gun the Police can get hold of, before being contained in a top security kennel for (oh, let’s say 3 to 4 years?) whilst more ‘experts’ argue before a judge about whether it is in fact a Pit Bull or a lion.

A warning to any would-be captors of the Essex Lion/Pit Bull, most Pit Bulls/lions are able to fight off the effects of tranq guns due to their genetics, which also enable them to climb tall buildings, carry large (Olympic sized) weights and (some say) ‘attain wingless flight’.

Somebody Think of the Children

For the sake of our children, let’s hope that the Essex Lion/Pit Bull can be caught/tranquillized asap.