My Role.

Before we got married, I had this sort of idea in my head that I would learn to be a wife. And while I am learning some things, such as the best way to sort the laundry, and the fastest way to make the big bed, there’s a lot of stuff that I don’t feel like I’m learning at all.

Things like loving my husband when he “forgets” to tell me things and leaves messes everywhere. Things like being okay at home by myself for his nights with the boys. The sense of pure and complete love, appreciation, and respect I have for him every morning when he gets up so early for work. The feeling of excitement I get when I hear him opening the door after he gets home at night. The realization that this is OUR apartment, our home, our life now.

Those things I don’t think I’ve learned at all. They just, well, are. They came naturally, as if they always were a part of me, I just hadn’t discovered them yet.

And I don’t believe in soul mates. I don’t. I believe that Wyatt and I fell in love and that we work really hard at our relationship. We make compromises, sacrifices, and commitments. And underneath all that, I know that somehow we’re bound together by the love that we have for each other. Love that was inspired by the love our Father and Creator has for us.

Before I got married, before I got engaged really, I had this idea that Wyatt was my “helpmate suitable” (Gen. 2:18, 22-24). But until now, I don’t think I understood exactly what that meant. We’re not two halves to a whole, or two peas in a pod, or opposites that attracted. We’re just helpers, mates, and we were the exact ones who were suitable for each other. Not because of some cosmic connection, but because for some reason, we’re only willing to be all those things…for each other.

So really, my role in this life? It’s to be exactly that. To be my husband’s biggest fan, his toughest, and most constructive, critic, his greatest love, and most enthusiastic and steadfast supporter. Because that’s what he is for me.

And though I don’t have a job yet, and I still struggle with feelings of desperation, frustration, and a complicated sense of self-worth, I know that right now, no matter what, and forever more, I am a helpmate suitable. I am a wife.

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7 thoughts on “My Role.”

When you say “We’re just helpers, mates, and we were the exact ones who were suitable for each other. Not because of some cosmic connection, but because for some reason, we’re only willing to be all those things…for each other,” I assume you mean that you wouldn’t necessarily be/have been willing to be all those things for anyone else … isn’t that sort of like a soul mate, though, in a way? I think I sort of do believe in … well, maybe I would not call it “soul mates” because that sounds sort of cliche. And I know what you mean about not being two halves of something, because that makes it sound as if you weren’t a complete person before you were together. However, I’d say that my definition of “soul mates” or being “meant for one another” is exactly what you described — mates and helpers who are (best) suitable for one another.

I totally agree with what you said about “working hard” to make your relationship work — I certainly don’t think that if people do have “soul mates” it means things will work all on their own with no effort …. I just think it means that when you find the person you are “exactly suitable” for, you’ll be willing to work harder for them BECAUSE you two are so suited for each other, and your relationship will last because of that. I

I dunno. Didn’t mean to necessarily disagree with your post — just some thoughts I had.

I sort of see what you’re saying. And really, I guess it does depend on your definition of soulmates. Because while I agree that we’re saying similar things, I still think the more traditional view of soulmates is that people are just sort of magically “perfect for each other.” And I don’t see it that way. I don’t think that just because we’re “suitable” for each other, we are unlikely to have to work as hard at our relationship.
Anyway, thanks for reading and for sharing your thoughts!

In the movie Take the Lead, a statement was made: “Do you like dancing? Then you are made to dance.” So yes, this urge of wanting to love, to care, to support one another proves that you two indeed are the “two peas in the pot”, standing by each other because of a certain “cosmic connection.”

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Hi!

I'm a newlywed wife, an out-of-work writer, and a former farm girl living in the big city. So in the middle of finding a job, finding my way around (or, okay, getting lost), I'm also learning to be the best blessing I can be for my husband.

I'm not sure where this first adventure together will end up, if I'll ever get a job, or learn to like folding laundry. But this is my life, married life, as a newlywed wife.

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A great marriage blog that offers insight and conversation about how to make this life together really work, relying on biblical principles and good communication.

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These posts are written as letters from wife to husband, from husband to wife, or just to random objects and people. Sometimes silly, sometimes sweet, they tell the story of an honest, happy life and a committed approach to marriage.