Top 10 Signs You've Joined a Cheap HMO
Annual breast exams are conducted at Hooters.
Directions to your doctor's office include, "Take a left when you enter the trailer park."
Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.
The colon specialist is only available on his days off from Roto-Rooter.
Only item listed under Preventive Care coverage is "An apple a day."
The used needle receptacles have recycling symbols on them.
Patient responsible for "200% of out-of-network charges" is not a typo.
Your Prozac comes in different colors with little "m's" on them.
The radiation techs are wearing old Stormtrooper costumes.
The only expense covered 100% is embalming.

"Well that's a bunch of bull$%& - you must think you're a real big man, eh?"

"Sorry, it's the law. I also noticed your winshield has a crack in it."

"You are abusing your power, you ego maniac. Someone must have stolen the twinkie out of your lunchbox when you were a kid."

"And I also see that your tail light is cracked. That will be another ticket." "Would you like to continue to stand here and call me names?"

"Fine, you arrogant bas#$%rd. Write me all the tickets you want. We'll just see about this."

"And it appears your left front tire is low - that's a fourth ticket." he said as he placed all four tickets under the wiper and walked away.

I walked around the corner and got in my car. As I drove past, I took one long last look at the car with the four tickets on the windshield... and the "ELECT JOHN KERRY" bumpersticker on the bumper..."

Just returned from awol for coupla days--enjoy the following then ah must go n check out the other topics b4 bed.
Kanga smokes--lol(ok--shoot me Emily)
Last trip to my onc. he asked me if I was still smokin---
I came well prepared for that. Just before entering his room I rolled a smoke. Then when he asked me again I promptly turned around while holding the smoke to my arse(scusey french pls--lol) and commented-"I never smoked thru my arse!!!"
He totally cracked up--I thought he was gunna fall orf his chair--he was almost in tears--lol
Made my day and his too metinks--lol

Yes, I'm having a better day today. Went to the doc for a white count. They are still low, but stable. So...no shot. And...they pushed off my treatment for another week. ( the holiday messed up my schedule and they figured they'd give me another week.) No arguement here. I get to feel semi-normal for an extra 7 days.

Going to a Ducks game tomorrow night. ( Minor League Baseball). I need to get this cancer off my mind. It seems that is all I think about lately. ( I think that's why I was having such a lousy weekend.)

Hi everyone, Just had to tell my little funny story. This morning I took my daily morning shower. Took the bottle sqeezed the jell on to my toothbrush began to brush my teeth. Only problem the jell wasn't the tooth paste it was my Tone Bath Body Wash. Boy did I laugh didn't taste bad either. I know my mind is pretty much shot waiting for my Liver Resection Surgery. At least I had a good laugh for the day. Montiel

The content on this site is for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Do not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease without consulting with a qualified healthcare provider. Please consult your healthcare provider with any questions or concerns you may have regarding your condition. Use of this online service is subject to the disclaimer and the terms and conditions.