With the aid of i-phones and the benefits of Wi-Fi and such families of the internet as Facebook and Twitter, the world in which we live is becomingly increasingly remote. This growing vacuum is at odds with our more natural instinct of aiding and communicating with our neighbors and may play an unpleasant role in who we are becoming.

It is also true that much of this complaint may simply be the conflict between the growing antiquity of many of our aging population (notably this author) and the modern technological skills that seem to be part of the current generation’s gene code. Nevertheless it does seem to be a problem.

There are, however, ways to counter that increasing distance between people and that is to embrace some of those moments and incidents that we happen to share. Without the pressure of competition, there is a naturally warm and caring relationship between most citizens that we practice almost every day, but unconsciously and in little noticed ways.

One very small example is the gracious relationship that emerges almost spontaneously when entering or leaving public buildings at the same time as a fellow stranger. Almost without thought or comment, the first person with a hand on the door handle will hold the door open for the next person’s convenience – a minuscule act of courtesy that is almost always greeted with a smile and perhaps a few pleasant words and is at least a very small break in the preceding cold silence.

A slightly more aggressive effort at assistance is often available in almost any public parking lot, but particularly those serving super-market stores. One example was observing an older woman carrying two bags of groceries to her car and facing the struggle of opening the door and getting inside. A fellow patron noticed this and offered to carry her groceries, then to hold the door and help her into the car. Altogether it took about two minutes and no effort to complete this task, but in some very minor way her reaction – her smile and relief and appreciation – helped shape the day for each of them. All at the cost of about two minutes of time.

Or consider some of the more complex and time-consuming offers of assistance on the road. An increasingly common driving problem is breaking into a line of heavy traffic when exiting a driveway or parking lot. With slow-moving traffic seriously backed up, your likelihood of timely entering that line is severely limited – unless the next car stops and waves you on. And that is a favor in which we can all participate – at no cost to ourselves beyond leaving us still stuck in traffic, but only by that one car length’s difference.

In short, the mini-contacts we regularly have with strangers during the course of each day – and these are just three examples of countless others – may help remind us that we are neighbors, that ours is a society of people much like ourselves and that ultimately it is the relationship we have with all those unknown members of our larger society that will help secure for us the character of a society that we would like to embrace.

Hey, it’s such a small matter that even recognizing it hardly seems worth our time, but in a population that is growing ever larger and more distant from its fellows, finding ways to narrow the gap and add a degree of warmth and familiarity – at a cost in time and effort so insignificant as to be unmeasurable – cannot be all bad.

Bob Faber
Ann Arbor

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