It had been a wretched
week. The weather was drippy and soppy enough to be more than
annoying. Kagome loved the rain,but this…This is not rain. This
is…bleh. She wracked her brain for a more appropriate word, but
none came. Nope, I think 'bleh' pretty much covers it.

The group had trudged
through the mud, the wet, slapping leaves and branches, and slept
without a fire for the past three nights due to lack of dry kindling.
The absence of a fire also meant an absence of hot food.

All in all, the entire
group was on edge. Sango snapped more than usual. Inuyasha…well,
Inuyasha always snapped at everyone… only, now he seemed to anger
twice as easily as before, and was three times as loud and obnoxious
about it. Shippou was sullen and whiney, and even Kirara seemed
disgruntled as she cleaned the mud from her fur each night. Miroku
was the only one who didn't seem ill-tempered, but he was much more
quiet and withdrawn than usual.

And Kagome - sweet,
compassionate, always-full-of-sunshine Kagome - was ready to cause
some serious damage to anything that crossed her path. Of the entire
lousy week, that day was particularly-for lack of a better word-a
bitch.

She sent one last
scathing glance at her current source of frustration, before uttering
a word that shut him up and sent him into the ground. Osuwari.

Without a second glance
at the hanyou-shaped crater in the forest floor, she stalked from the
campsite and huffily situated herself on a fallen log next to the
stream that ran gently along side it, a thick layer of bushes and
growth separating her from the camp and her friends.

I can't handle
this anymore. I love them…each of them. But sometimes, oh,
sometimes I just want to scream! To strangle! To…to…eat a lot
of chocolate!

She sat on the damp
log, clenching her fingers into the thick green moss that grew on its
surface, and ground her teeth, thinking of all the reasons she wished
she were home at that very moment, and how she just longed for a hot
bath, and warm oden, and foot massages, and snuggly blankets, and is
that really so much to ask!

The grinding of her
teeth blocked the gentle rustle of leaves and robes that approached
her, so when she realized that Miroku was seated next to her she
started in surprise.

She turned and opened
her mouth to tell him she just wanted to be alone, but the words died
on her lips.

He looks so at
peace, and yet…. She looked at his eyes, and could sense a
longing in them that she had seen before, but only glimpses of, as
he'd always quickly wipe it away with a smirk, or playful grin.
He looks so melancholy at the same time.

Kagome sat there,
smelling the mossy dampness that was soaking into her skirt, and
gazed at him.

Miroku, for his part,
never looked away from his focal point, which seemed to be in some
far-off place that no one else could escape to. Kagome realized
rather wistfully that he was often there, and that he usually looked
content.

Wish he'd take me
there too….

He looked out ahead of
them, beyond the quiet brook, beyond the towers of trees that
surrounded them. Beyond the undergrowth, beyond the browns and greens
and grays and blacks. Just…beyond.

Kagome couldn't tear
her eyes from his face. She watched his deep, dark eyes that
reflected the violet of his robes, and was amazed at the wisdom
behind them. He was, after all, a young man. How did he seem to hold
so much growth and knowledge behind those young, young eyes?

It's not fair. He
always knows everything.

Her selfish internal
grumbling stopped when he moved. It wasn't much, but just a parting
of his lips. He had soft lips, most often favoring a smile, or a
smirk, or a gentle twist of thought. But now they were set in a
relaxed state, and when they parted a small, almost inaudible sigh
passed through them.

The sigh fluttered from
his mouth and onto the breeze, and danced with the sounds of the
creek, and the swaying of the trees and the rustling of the leaves,
and floated its way onward, on a journey of its own.

He seemed to watch it
dance on its way for a moment, before he turned to her, warmth
glowing gently in his gaze. "Beautiful view?"

She started, before
blushing and staring furiously at her lap. Oh no… he caught me
staring at him. She cringed and inwardly groaned. Now he's
never gonna let me live it down, stupid perverted jerk...

"The forest."

Kagome looked back at
him so quickly she nearly gave herself whiplash. "What?" She
rubbed at the back of her neck, scowling.

"The forest…it's
beautiful."

Oh! The forest! I
thought he meant him…. She blushed again before answering, her
embarrassment rapidly changing back to sullenness. "Yeah. Sure."

He turned away from her
and let his gaze slide gently over their surroundings. She watched
him take his time appreciating the view before she spoke again.

"It's muddy,
Miroku. It's…soggy. The sun won't shine, we can't make a fire
to keep warm or cook food, the mud is sticking to everything…."

She trailed off with a
defeated sigh, letting her shoulders sag under the weight of the day.
"We don't know in what direction to go next. I haven't felt
jewel shards for over five days. We haven't had a decent night's
rest in a week, and on top of that, I think I'm getting a cold."
She sniffed loudly.

Miroku grinned lightly,
his pearly white teeth peeking from behind his perfect soft lips, and
handed her a cloth from his sleeve.

He allowed her time to
blow her nose on it before replying, and Kagome found herself being
slowly soothed by the gentle depth of his voice. Smooth and
warm...

"But it's
beautiful. Everything." He shifted so his body was angled toward
her slightly, his leg crooked over the edge of the log, his
ever-present staff leaning against the wood behind him.

He nodded in the
direction of the stream. "Do you hear that? The way it always moves
on? It doesn't really have a destination either, nor does it know
where it's going but… it moves because it has to. That is what a
stream does. What water does. It flows. And every time it hits a rock
or an obstacle, it makes that beautiful trickling noise, and catches
the light so that it sparkles, before it moves on. And when it falls
over a cliff…" He trailed off and closed his eyes with a deep
sigh. "Oh, Kagome, have you ever seen anything more beautiful than
a waterfall?"

She shook her head
dumbly, staring at him in wonder, but his gaze was off in his own
universe again, seeing things she saw only for milliseconds at a
time, when she was on the brink between beautiful dreams, and a
glorious awakening. Those moments were too short, and too few, but he
seemed to dwell in them, and Kagome wondered how.

"And the water
crashes over the cliff and lands on the rocks below. And it should be
beaten, and it should feel abused, but it doesn't. It rises in a
lovely mist so that when the sun does decide to shine, a rainbow can
form." He swallowed thickly.

Kagome's mouth opened
in a gasp. "Miroku…."

He interrupted her and
sped on. "And look at the trees. They bend and sway in the wind and
make their own beauty and music as well. And the rain! It waters the
trees, and feeds the stream, and creates all these wonderful smells,
and when it stops, when the rain stops, and the sun comes out, it
will sparkle on every drop of water, and shine off of the brook, and
filter down through the trees and create beautiful patterns all over
the forest floor."

He grabbed her hand
suddenly from the log between them and Kagome jumped. "And the
moss! Look how green it is, and how soft and beautiful it made this
old, gray log. A dead tree…and now look at it. It's beautiful
with life."

Kagome looked down at
the moss before looking back at his eyes and her heart clenched at
the shininess of them. She didn't know what to say. "Miroku…."

He hurried on, almost
frantically, and she could see that he was desperate that he make her
understand, make someone understand, and Kagome felt her heart
break knowing that he had chosen her to share his beautiful secrets
with.

"You always bring
back sweets for Shippou and he nearly explodes with excitement and
gobbles it up as quickly as possible." Kagome nodded her head,
smiling slightly. She felt tears sting the edge of her eyelids.

"And…and when he
reaches his last piece he always hides it away. Always. I've
watched him. He sneaks off on his own, and takes his time eating it.
Because…because he knows it's his last one, and that makes it all
the more special, and all the more wonderful. And he wants to savor
it."

He swallowed hard, and
blinked fiercely before continuing quickly. "And Inuyasha...just
before the night of a new moon he always pushes - moves faster,
fights harder - because he knows…he knows he doesn't have much
time left before he turns human, and he wants to use his power till
the very end…until he loses it to the night."

He was leaning in to
her now, his face only inches from hers, begging for her to
understand. Kagome ached to brush away the tears that began to leak
from his wide, searching eyes, but her hands were now both locked in
his, and he was looking at her desperately, and she was instantly and
horribly and wretchedly ashamed of all her selfish complaints and
grumblings.

"And you…I know why
you take so long in your time before returning. You're taking time
to savor your family…enjoying your home, and your comfort. You're
doing your best to enjoy your time there with them and being happy,
because you know those will be the last moments you spend there for a
while, before you come back here."

And Miroku -
smooth-talking, always calm, always collected Miroku - began to
stumble and trip over the words that rushed from his graceful lips.

"And Sango…she
always gets so sad when she thinks of her family." His breath
hitched and Kagome felt her chest tighten painfully as well. "But
when she thinks about her brother and how much they loved each other,
and how wonderful their lives used to be, she smiles. She smiles when
she remembers how happy they were. And…those memories she has of
them, of her family and her village, she treasures them the
most…because they were her last."

Oh god. No, please
don't….

The tears were flowing
freely down his cheeks as he opened his mouth to speak again.

"And I…" his
voice caught in his throat, and he squeezed her hands more tightly.

Kagome felt the precise
moment when full realization hit her…when she understood exactly
what he had been trying to tell her all this time. And she knew,
then, where it was that Miroku stared to…where he secretly longed
to go all those times when he seemed off in his own universe.

She swallowed back the
bitter taste of bile that rose in her throat, and as she looked at
him she knew her heart was breaking fiercely, and determinedly. I
know where he was. Her head spun with the injustice of it all. He
was imagining a world…where he wasn't dying. Oh God. The
thought blindsided her and she felt its blow as distinctly as if it
had been a physical one. He's dying. Oh, God, how could I
have been so self-centered?

"And I…I look at it
all…everything. I look at everything around me and I savor every
last bit of it because…because…"

No, no, no, no, no,
NO! Please don't say it!

"Because I don't
know which moments will be my last. I want to enjoy every second of
life I have left, because it could pass at any time…and I don't
want it to end. I want to see Shippou get older, I want to see the
jewel completed…." He was sobbing as he spoke, and his hands over
hers were shaking uncontrollably.

"And I want to see
Sango get her brother back…to see Inuyasha finally be at peace with
himself…I want to see us be happy again."

Kagome grabbed him and
pulled his face into her shoulder as she sobbed silently into his
hair, and he cried quietly into her neck, his tears running down her
shoulder. She could still hear him rambling through his tears and the
heaving of his shoulders.

"It's all so
beautiful, Kagome, and I don't want it to stop…it's so
beautiful…living is beautiful and so help me, I can't bear the
thought of its end."

She held him closely to
her, rubbing soothing circles on his back and praying to anyone who
would listen that the wise, old, young, living and dying man-child in
her arms receive every chance at life that he so very much deserved.

They slowly slid
together off the mossy log and onto the ground next to it, leaning
into it for support, the living depending upon the dead for strength.

Eventually, their tears
trickled dry, and they sat in companionable silence and looked and
listened.

And the water still
moved and sang, and the trees still swayed and danced, and the
darkness settled like a blanket on them both.

Miroku's eyes left
again for his distant land and this time he took Kagome with him.

And they sat. Two
friends sat together and gazed into a place where everything was
beautiful all the time, and it never had to end. It was a place where
Miroku wasn't dying, and Sango wasn't longing for the past, and
Shippou could savor his childhood, and Inuyasha was content with the
wonderful person he was, and Kagome never had to choose between the
two worlds that she loved so very much.