“Romance”… what comes to mind when you hear that word? Is it candlelight dinners, midnight walks along a beach lit brightly by a full moon, snuggling in front of a roaring fireplace on a cold winter night, or maybe it’s just holding hands and walking and talking together without thinking about a care in the world!?!

Whatever “Romance” looks like to you, as a married couple, it’s important to MAKE the time to keep it as a vital part of your lives together —otherwise your love relationship could eventually become stale and rusty and could even fall apart out of sheer neglect.

After all, part of what helped you to fall in love with each other in the first place was the romance you experienced with each other —doing fun things together and enjoying each other’s company. And yet after the wedding we forget that. We get so caught up in the busyness and inertia of every day living that we forget to “romance” each other throughout the marriage. That can be a HUGE mistake! Read more

“A husband considers romance to be one way and the wife considers it to be another. The wife provides many romantic gestures which go unnoticed by her husband, because it wasn’t romantic to him. The husband can spend precious time doing what he thinks will bless and romance his wife only to discover she didn’t appreciate it at all.

“What is wrong? Are the gestures extended not romantic or thoughtful? No. Are the recipients ungrateful and self-absorbed? No. The spouse is simply not romancing their spouse in a way that is romantic to them!

“This is a great truth that once practiced is sure to produce lasting fruit. Study your spouse. Find out what romance means to them? It may surprise you! But if you do your homework you will become the master of what really turns your spouse on!” (Tom and Debi Walter, from Theromanticvineyard.com)

Discuss this list with your wife. Ask her to check the ones meaningful to her, and then have her tell you the order she considers most important. Use this list to learn what speaks “love” to her. It’s likely very different from what speaks “love” to you. Your relationship can be strengthened by using this as a guideline —but keep in mind that these are only SUGGESTIONS —not all or any of them have to be used, if they won’t work for your marriage.

1. Start and/or end each day by holding hands and praying together with your wife.
2. Pray for her every day and make it a point to pray with her when she is troubled.
3. Communicate with her instead of talking AT her or shutting her out emotionally.
4. Talk to her respectfully without demeaning her or hurting her feelings.
5. Compliment her for the giftedness you see in her. Be specific.
6. Show interest in her friends,and if they are trustworthy, give her time to be with them.
7. Do something active together to lift her spirit —even taking a walk hand-in-hand.
8. Express to her that you need and value her.
9. Show enthusiasm for the things that she’s excited about—let your actions show it.
10. Find something that makes you laugh together.
11. Put your arms around her when she needs comfort, holding her silently.
12. Surprise her by doing something you think she would want done before she asks.
13. Try not to make sudden changes without discussing them with her first.
14. Show interest in that which she values as important in her life.
15. Allow your wife to teach you things without being defensive.
16. When you feel you must correct her, be gentle —speak the truth in LOVE.
17. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Show her that she matters more to you than any one you could be with, that threatens her security in your marriage.
19. Be a good listener. Show her you value what she says.
20. Plan a mini-honeymoon, where the two of you can spend quality time together.
21. Go shopping with her and don’t sigh or look at what time it is even once.
22. Take her out to breakfast or make her breakfast (cleaning up afterward).
23. Make the time to set specific goals with her to achieve together for each year.
24. Give her grace when she offends you and forgive (even as you want to be forgiven).
25. Find ways to help her know you are her partner in all areas life.
26. Be polite, courteous, and mannerly with her—not taking her for granted.
27. Exhibit humility, admit your mistakes, and ask for forgiveness. She’ll appreciate that!
28. Defend her to others—especially to your family.
29. Don’t belittle her intelligence.
30. Scratch her back, rub her feet, or her rub her neck—whatever she’d prefer.
31. Get up in the middle of the night (let her stay in bed) to take care of your upset child.
32. Be especially helpful when she is not feeling well.
33. When she asks how your day went, don’t just say “fine” —actually give her details.
34. Thank God for her by name when the two of you are praying together.
35. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
36. Don’t embarrass her by arguing with her in front of others.
37. Lead your family in their spiritual relationship with God. This is important to her.
38. Make eye contact when she is talking to you and when you are talking with her.
39. Show her that you prefer her to others—give her your attention whenever possible.
40. Relate what happened at work or whatever you did apart from her.
41. Keep away from anything that gives you sexual gratification, other than your wife.
42. Be helpful, both before and during the time you have visitors in your home. (If you’re not sure of what to do, ask your wife “What can I do that would help the most?”)
43. Brag about her to others, both in front of her and when she is not with you.
44. Surprise her from time-to-time with a card and flowers or a little gift.
45. Remember to tell her or call her as soon as you know you are going to be late.
46. Give her your undivided attention when she wants to talk.
47. Guard your tongue from saying “unwholesome words” or down-grading her.
48. Refuse to compare her unfavorably with others.
49. Encourage her to relax in some way while you clean up after dinner.
50. Be an involved partner in helping with the children and spending time together.
51. Maintain good grooming habits so you look and smell good. It shows you care.
52. Be supportive. Help her to finish her education and goals that are important to her.
53. View and treat her as if God put a sign over her that said, “Make me feel special.”
54. Run errands without complaining.
55. Give her the love gift of being thoughtful and considerate to her relatives.
56. Don’t negatively compare her relatives with yours.
57. Sit close to her —even when you are just watching television.
58. Be verbally supportive and honor her in front of the children.
59. Do not making plans without her agreeing with them (unless it’s a surprise).
60. Pro-actively do things that makes her feel cherished as a woman and as a wife.
61. Keep her trust at all costs. Leave no gray area when it comes to other female relationships, money and your word. (Dave Ramsey)
62. Ask for a list of 3 things she’d like done in the home. Priortize to do them ASAP.
63. Ask her and then listen to what makes her fearful and insecure (without judging).
64. Pray about and act upon what you can do to alleviate those fears.
65. Find out what her sexual needs are (and then try to fulfill them).
66. Surprise her with a 15 second kiss (with no expectations to go any further).
67. Put effort in to keep yourself in good shape so she’s especially proud to be with you.
68. Make it a point to write a mission statement together for your marriage and family.
69. Take the time to touch every day—even if it’s only for a minute or two.
70. Be polite and kind. (Often we’re kinder to strangers than we are to our spouse.)
71. Be sensitive enough to ask her if you offend or hurt her sexually in any way.
72. Go out of your way to help her feel valued over everyone else.
73. Consider her as your marital partner in how you spend money.
74. You dated your wife before marriage, and fell in love. Date her now to STAY in love.
75. Be careful to choose your words, especially when angry.
76. Show affection for her in front of friends.
77. Make sure your children speak to her and treat her in respectful ways.
78. Make a point of honoring anniversaries, birthdays, and other special occasions.
79. Make sure she has money to spend any way she would choose.
80. Hold her close and verbally express your love when she is hurt or discouraged.
81. Surprise her by giving her a special gift from time to time.
82. Share the responsibilities around the house (without looking for special recognition).
83. Don’t tease and belittle her, saying “I was just joking” when she doesn’t find it funny.
84. Allow her to express herself freely, without fear of being called illogical or dumb.
85. Don’t forget to hold her hand in public like you used to when you dated her.
86. Don’t criticize her in front of others—keeping her dignity in tact.
87. Don’t focus on the physical features of another woman (It dishonors your wife).
88. Be sensitive to her needs—looking for ways to bless her.
89. Let her know you want to spend special time with her and the children.
90. Fix dinner for her sometimes.
91. Be sympathetic when she’s sick—and help her however you can.
92. Let her sleep in sometimes and you get the children ready for the day.
93. Honor her by not disagreeing with her in front of the children.
94. Don’t ignore the small things that bother her and let them build into bigger issues.
95. Surprise her by doing some things around the house that she’s wanted done.
96. Tell her (and show her) you love her often.
97. Call, email or text her when you’re apart so she knows you are thinking of her.
98. Surprise her by suggesting a marriage seminar or weekend retreat you can attend together.
99. Express your love and appreciation for her in a love note which you give to her.
100. Show her affection without sexual intentions.

Author unknown for the 100 Ways List.

— ALSO —

From the ministry of FamilyLife.com the following is a link you can follow and learn:

This article is not exactly about sex, guys. But in reality you do get more sex by loving your wife more by making her feel cherished. This is all about how to improve your marriage, and to be the man of her dreams.

However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (See: Ephesians 5:33.)

We are commanded to love our wives. Also note here that our wives are supposed to respect us, but it does not say that we are to make her. We can control ourselves, but we can’t control our wives.

Be a man of God

One of the best things that you can do it to become more like Jesus. If you have never accepted Jesus as your savior, now is a great time. If you don’t go to church every week, start going. If you do go to church, but don’t read your bible on a regular basis, then start reading a few days a week. One of the best ideas is to have quiet time with God every day. Most people prefer the mornings. Guys, you are the spiritual leader of your house. Your wife wants you to lead. Don’t let her down. Start having a family devotion time every day. What works for me is that my wife and I get up early every weekday and spend some time reading sitting next to each other and reading our bibles or a devotion book over coffee. We do not read the same thing, but we read and pray separately.

Eliminate Major Sin

Hopefully most people reading this can skip this section entirely. But, if you have a major recurring sin in your life, it will kill your marriage. Things like adultery and addiction to drugs, alcohol, gambling, or pornography are major obstacles that need to be overcome. If you are truly blessed with a wonderful woman, then she may stick it out with you, but I guarantee you that you will destroy her little by little. If this describes you, then seek help first from your local church. Your pastor should either be able to help you or direct you to resources where you can get help.

Another wonderful resource is New Life Ministries. They can hook you up with counseling, workshops, and a library of wonderful books. They also have a daily call-in radio talk show which you can also listen to over the internet. For those struggling with sexual purity (and that, more or less, describes all of us), they have a book called Every Man’s Battle that is worth checking out.

Be an awesome father

Another way to really turn your wife’s knees to Jello is to be an awesome father. There are plenty of resources to help with this, including the Focus on your Child section of Focus on the Family. I would love to give you some wonderful advice on this, but I struggle with this one myself. Sometimes I get too grumpy with my young children. I’m giving it my all though, and my wife appreciates the effort.

Read a relationship book

The marriage relationship is so important to women. Be each others recreational companions. Yes, by all means, take your wife shooting, fishing, or hiking. But then pay her back by watching a romantic movie, talking about your feelings, or listening intently to her dreams. One surefire way to score brownie points is to offer read a relationship book together.

We have several relationship books available through our store, but I just wanted to point out one. The 5 Love Languages is an awesome book. The basic idea is that there are five different ways that people feel love. One person may feel loved when you give them presents. Another may feel loved when you spend time with them. Yet another may feel loved when you give them “acts of service” (do chores for them).

If you bring your wife candy and flowers, but she would rather spend time with you and take a walk in the park, then you are wasting your time and money. This book is all about figuring out what your wife really wants. If you read only one relationship book, read this one. By the way, they also have the The 5 Love Languages of Children. This falls under the “Awesome Father” section above.

Another book to pick up is Every Man’s Marriage. You should also check out anything by Gary Smalley. He has an excellent DVD series. It is quite expensive, but your church may have a copy.

Also note that most of these books mentioned so far are also available as an audio CD. If you have a long commute to work, this may be just the thing.

Get Dishpan Hands

Some women think that the sexiest thing on a man is dishpan hands so, dive in and offer to do some extra household chores for your wife. Some women may appreciate this more than others (as explained in “Five Love Languages”). Or, you could fix all of the little things that keep on breaking around the house.

Give her a Massage

Some women love to have a nice massage. I am not talking about the sexual kind of massage here. I am talking about a deep massage of the back, shoulders, neck, hands, and feet. Keep your hand off of anything that would be covered by a bikini. Of course, if she wants to make love afterwards, great! But let it be her idea.

Watch a “Chick Flick”

Watch a “chick flick” with your wife. Ask her to choose. If you watch one of these movies with your and actually put effort into enjoying it, your wife will appreciate it. Just brew an extra pot of coffee to keep yourself awake.

Flowers and Candy

Yeah, it sound trite, but some women really love these tokens of affection. It shows you were thinking about them when you were apart from each other. Take time to know her likes and dislikes and put work into a gift that really shows you thought about it.

Listen to Her

Talk to your wife. Spend time together talking. Listening does not just mean listening to her words. It means valuing her opinions and letting her express herself. I did that, and now my wife runs a business selling romantic supplies and sex toys.

Respect Her

After you listen, what do you do with the information? You should always think about how your wife would feel about what you are doing. I made the mistake once of not considering how my wife would feel on a big decision. I once fell in love with a baby ball python at a pet store. I brought this beautiful creature home, and my wife was horrified. Well, I eventually had to get rid of the snake, and my wife’s feelings were hurt. If you ever find yourself thinking “it’s better to seek forgiveness than ask permission,” then you are likely heading for trouble.

Best Friend

Finally, your wife should be your best friend. If you spend more time with your TV, your boat, or your deer stand than you do with your wife, then you should re-think your priorities. All of that other stuff is fun, but time with your wife is both fun and fulfilling

The above article was written by K.H. and was formerly featured on the web site, CovenantSpice.com. Their web site is dedicated to strengthening marriages and increasing playfulness and intimacy in your sex life. They believe God created marriage to be a lifelong passionate romance. They have every marital aid you need to keep the sparks flying in and out of the bedroom, and are one of the only Christian Intimacy sites where “No Nudity” means just that!

Before you marry, you ARE the man of your wife’s dreams. But things change after you marry and she comes to know you in a different way. It is then that you especially need to cooperate with God in truly becoming the man of her dreams — the man God has called you to be as her husband.

However, there aren’t a lot of models that we see in today’s world of men that will help you to see that in action.

“I’m convinced we have a generation of married men who are confused and lonely; they’re stuck in a lifeless marriage because they never learned how to cultivate a relationship with a woman that speaks to her romantic need for intimacy.” (Dennis Rainey)

To read more about how to cultivate a romantic relationship to help you to become the husband your wife desires and the husband God has called you to be, please click on the Familylife.com link below.

And then arrow back to this web site and click on to the following related link which builds upon the same concept of romance and sex. As author Paul McGuire says,

“Thankfully, the greatest sex and romance manual ever written is the Bible. Men who are sexually frustrated can find understanding into the female psyche and learn how to have the sex life they’ve always wanted in the pages of God’s Word. Not only that, but the Bible actually shows us how we can have the most rewarding, passionate, erotic, spiritual and fulfilling sex life that is humanly possible!”

Paul then gives you 10 ways, based on scriptures to help you, so “you can ignite your sex life and, ultimately, help cultivate that closeness that your wife is longing for.”

If you have additional tips you can share to help others in this area of marriage, or you want to share requests for prayer and/or ask others for advice, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.