intimacy

The other day, I had a thought: Why don’t I give my wife more massages? Seriously. This isn’t a rhetorical question. I mean, let’s think about it. In my marriage (and I’m guessing many more), massages:

Help her relax

Help her transition from “mother” or “teacher” or whatever-else to wife

Help get her in the mood

Help get her ready for more sexual touch

Let me see her body

Let me feel her body

Let me give her pleasure

Usually lead to better-than-average sex (and our average is pretty amazing already). Continue reading →

We had a pretty rough Christmas break in 2012. December started with everyone in the family getting colds, which, with 4 kids is a fairly regular event, nothing new. We all got over it, except my wife. Hers persisted for weeks. She went to the doctor after the first couple of weeks, was told it’s just a cough and cold, you’ll get over it.

A few weeks later with no improvement, she went back. Turns out she had bronchitis. So, she went on the medication, which made her feel worse than ever. Finally, by mid-January, she’s pretty much back to normal.

So, what does this have to do with Sex Within Marriage? Well, basically, our sex-life tanked during this sickness. Now, our marriage is pretty solid, and we can weather dry-spells like this these days. I’ll admit, after a while, I do get a bit cranky, but I’m not feeling depressed or wondering if my wife still loves me like I used to.

But, after a week or two of our frequency being back up near normal, I have noticed quite a few things are different that I wasn’t really noticing during the month. Now, I always knew that I performed better in life when we’re having regular sex, but I didn’t realize how much. Continue reading →

I often read, in forums and comments, complaints from one spouse or another who isn’t getting what they want out of sex. Sometimes it has to do with a very simple problem of the spouses not knowing each others goals in a sexual encounter (or all of them).

I was really looking forward to reading this book. The concept is amazing.

This Christian family has a tradition, for 8 generations (at least, might be more), the grandmothers have sat their granddaughters down during their engagements and unloaded everything they know about sex to them over a week or two visit. Completely in private, no one around, giving time for questions, repetition, and time to let all the information sink in.

I love this concept. I hope I can remember to do with this my grand children.

The book came about because one of the daughters became terminally ill and couldn’t bear the thought of breaking the tradition. So, she started typing out everything we wanted her granddaughters to know. Eventually word got out (discretely among the other wives) and they started adding what they knew and were taught, and learned on their own to the body of knowledge.

Now, I thought this was the holy grail of sex knowledge. 8 generations of a large Christian families sex tips and tricks including a former lesbian and a former high-end call girl.

I do a lot of research about sexuality and theology, those are the two biggest areas of research in my life. It’s no surprise, then, that I eventually started a blog exploring the intersection of these two interests. But my research is not limited to the Bible and personal experience. Before you get scared, let me explain:

I read a lot of books about theology, I also read blogs, and talk to many differing people. I talk to Atheists, Muslims, Buddhists, Agnostics, and people of many other faiths. I also discuss what I believe with as many people from other denominations as I can find, because I’m not arrogant enough to think that my denomination, or even Christianity, has it 100% figured out. Don’t get me wrong, I believe Christ is the Way the Truth and the Life, but I respect the Islamic focus on prayer and fasting, the Buddhist focus on peace, Mormon’s devotion to the family and the priesthood, the United church’s focus on accepting everyone, and many many others.

So, what does this have to do with sex within marriage? I also do a lot of research outside of the Christian sphere in regards to sexuality. I read books from humanist authors who push evolution when discussing sex. I listen to Podcasts from non-christian speakers who make fun of Christian family ideals. I read blogs from ex-Christians who think we’re all nuts for thinking there is a God. Why? Because the fact is, there are not many Christians doing ground-breaking work in the sphere of sexuality. So, I listen, I read, I discuss and argue, and I distill it all down, cross reference with the Bible and what I believe and then, if there is something to be gained from it and it doesn’t contradict the Bible, I share it. This is not the impetus of many of my posts, or even the bulk of my content in a single post, but I learn here and there, little tips, little bits of information, research that is being done and such that help to strengthen the Christian ideal of marriage as God intended. A prime example of information I’ve shared is the post Is Sex A Need Or A Want?

So, lately I’ve been hearing the strangest phrase pop up all over the place: “Christian Porn”. Continue reading →

This is the twelfth post in the 1/2 Marathon being orchestrated by the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association. There has been a lot of discussion on some of my posts this week (especially Why Do Married Men Masturbate). I’m going to answer one of the questions I received on that post. Please note, these are my perspective. I cannot vouch for all males and when I’m giving my perspective on women, I certainly cannot vouch for all women. Also, all references to gender traits are based on the average population, there are exceptions of course. Please do not be offended by these if you are not “neuro-typical” for your gender. So, on to the question:

If a spouse, I’ll say husband but it can be wife, too gets aroused by someone or something, say an unexpected sex scene or flash of nudity in a movie, is it OK to turn that arousal towards their spouse, or should they turn off (for lack of a better description) that arousal instead through prayer, cold shower, accounting, etc?

I think first it’s important to make a distinction between temptation and harbored thoughts. Continue reading →