How To NOT Give Him Blue Balls!

Sex tips are the best way to understand how the opposite sex works. Girls are notorious for giving guys blue balls, but here’s how to avoid being a tease!

What She Said:

Congratulate Yourself!

First of all, if your man is complaining of blue balls, check his ID. No adult man would own up to the idea you are giving him blue balls. And I have yet to know of any man who died of it. I’m not sure it even exists.

But if for some reason your man is complaining of it, then you should congratulate him. He is obviously with one smoking hot babe that he cannot wait to get his hands all over.

So if he is “in pain,” it’s not your fault by any means. You have obviously just made him all hot and bothered. To relieve that, fool around with him.

What He Said:

Just Do It!

How do you prevent your man from getting blue balls? You drain them. On a regular basis. I know, I know, you’re not always in the mood. Maybe you’re never in the mood. Maybe he’s let himself go or maybe he’s not flirting with you or romancing you like he did when you first started dating (or before you got married).

Long term relationships are about doing things you hate because you know your other half likes or loves them. Just please them. I know you make not like oral sex or you may not be turned on enough for intercourse, but so what? Did your partner really want to spend Christmas with your family? Hell no! They hate your family! But they did it because they want their balls to be drained.

Romance is for short term love affairs. Sooner or later it goes right out the window and if it’s never happened to you, you’ve never had a relationship last long enough. If that’s you, consider yourself lucky.

You’re probably thinking “hey wait! They’re not doing [insert random sexual or non sexual task/think you really like]! Why they hell would I please them if they aren’t doing what I want?

It’s simple, grasshopper. If you help them, they will do what you want. Having sex will scramble their brain and reduces any resistance to suggestion that they have. You won’t have to tell them to do what you want. You can imply it and they will snap to attention, even if you don’t scramble their brains by giving them all the oral sex, anal sex or plain old intercourse they can handle.

Why? Because if you’re screwing them eight ways to Sunday, and you ask them to go to Starbucks and get you that half double cap red eye latte that makes them cringe when you order it, are they really going to say no? No, they won’t. They will get you your stupid frilly over priced coffee drink. Why? Because you’re screwing them! A lot!

No one is dumb enough to walk away from an ATM that’s spitting out free money. So you will get your damn latte. Or your foot massage. Or someone to cuddle with while you watch Oprah or Jersey Shore or whatever it is that you love to do that your partner would rather take a cheese grater to the genitals than participate in.

It’s a win win, right? It’s a little counter-intuitive, I know. It really doesn’t make sense. You probably think I’m crazy. Or you will, until you try it. Then you will tell anyone who will listen what an incredible genius I am (it’s true. I am a genius. Literally and figuratively).

If you do this, you will have the partner of your dreams! You’re place will never be cleaner, you’ll never be happier and it might just save your relationship! Sound hokey, no, no it’s not. Sex is like the canary in the well of your relationship. If that’s great, so’s the rest of your relationship.

Now, of course, you should be getting yours. If you have to drain your partners balls whenever and wherever, they should be helping you too. You need to get yours. You will. Because they’re getting theirs.

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