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Thursday, October 03, 2013

Now that Amelie's five, she's not only holding court, she's employing a court artist...

That was the scene here yesterday afternoon, as we were all sentenced to a long stretch of hard partying at her majesty's pleasure. And her majesty certainly had a lot of that. Frankly, most people would require illegal drugs to achieve the kind of high that Amelie experienced on her birthday.

Of course, if you prefer a more photo-realistic view of proceedings, there's always this one...

We had a couple of gate-crashers, obviously, but that aside, Amelie's artwork is remarkably accurate. I spent three hours yesterday hanging up bunting, balloons and banners, before arranging all her presents and putting out the party food. But if you're wondering what the multi-coloured lines in the drawing are, here's your answer...

I've never known one girl to set off so many party poppers. By the end of the day, the flat looked like we'd had some kind of ticker tape parade, the whole place smelt of fireworks, and the neighbours thought we'd bought a machine gun on eBay.

Anyhoo, as late summer babies, neither Lisa nor I ever went to school on our birthdays, and until Michael Gove gets to grips with term times, Toby's in the clear too. Which means that Amelie's now officially the first member of our family to learn something on her birthday since the day I learnt never to get my hopes up and expect a trip to Disney World.

To be honest though, she was quite happy about it. She informed us that as it was her birthday, she was allowed to choose some friends to go and play in the atrium, which was a surprise to us, as we didn't know the school had one, and barely knew what it meant. I thought it was a part of the heart. In addition, she was allowed to bring a man home...

Toby might look a bit disapproving, but the girl's growing up now, so he needs to learn to accept it. She's not four any more.

Anyhoo, a party wouldn't be a party without guests, so we invited a few unemployed people from the local Jobcentre. Big Sis, who's currently 'resting' between projects and has nothing better to do, made the trip down to Brighton, and was soon having her photo taken by the birthday girl...

My parents also turned up, and were quickly joined by Lisa's sister and three nephews. All of which made Toby quite happy...

Unlike the food, which made him sad...

But only because he couldn't reach it.

As for presents, Amelie received a Vtech Kidizoom Twist Plus camera, a Dive & Swim Mermaid Dora (don't ask), a laughing Fufris monkey (please don't ask) and a talking Doc McStuffins, which speaks, sings, diagnoses disease, and comes complete with an otoscope, stethoscope, thermometer and that most crucial of medical paraphernalia... a comb. It's important to look your best on the wards. You don't want the patients to know you've been up for thirty-six hours.

We added to that with a separate doctor's outfit and medical bag. We're aiming for her to reach Harley Street by the age of thirty, so she can pay off all our debts and buy us a house. Although she's insisting on buying a pony first.

Of course, if the medical career doesn't pan out, she can always dress up as vermin...

That fox outfit (there's a tail out of sight) came courtesy of Toby's Fairy Godmother, Marie, who's clearly looking after her godson's best interests by distracting his sister just long enough for him to grab another slice of quiche. The outfit was accompanied by a copy of 'Fantastic Mr Fox', which I haven't read yet, but I assume is some kind of pest control guide.

Anyhoo, by the time we'd chopped up SpongeBob SquarePants...

... and allowed Toby to join in a game of Pass-the-Parcel...

... we were all fit to drop. I think it was the pressure of making sure Amelie won. Frankly, that one game of Pass-the-Parcel made the Zimbabwean elections look fair and above board. If you think Robert Mugabe's dangerous when he loses, you should try Amelie on her birthday. By the time we reached the ninth layer, we were all living in fear, and praying we hadn't mis-counted.

But all's well that ends well. Amelie won a snow globe, we all breathed a huge sigh of relief, followed by a massive yawn of exhaustion, and the girl went to bed saying it had been her best birthday ever. Admittedly, she's only had five, and she can't remember the first two, but even so, we were pleased.