Glo and behold! Klaxons (pictured) scoop the coveted Mercury Prize for debut album, Myths Of The Near Future, delivering an acceptance speech that is quite literally ecstatic. The swivel-eyed new ravers were deemed too high on life to be allowed on News 24 the day after the ceremony.

Birds of a Feather: The Musical

Cor Blimey! In June, mockney sparrow Kate Nash scores a number two hit with Foundations, the lyrics to which are: 'Thursday night/everything's fine/Except you've got that look in your eye/I'm living in Chigwell with my sizta/We 'av opened up a café/My sluttish neighbour az come round/She az got a new toy-boy/And oh my gosh, wot will Marcus say?/ Let's visit Daryl in prison with Garff-y'. Etc.

Coffin Idol

Katie Melua duets with a dead person which is possibly where this A to Z becomes a 'spot the difference' competition.

Don't bogart my father!

In April, Keith Richards is quoted as revealing that he once snorted his father's ashes. There might have been fears that his dad was cut with brick dust. Richards later insisted the remarks were in jest.

Every Little Helps

The Spice Girls reform and sum up the Christmas spirit by wandering around Tesco buying cheap presents for people they don't particularly like and haven't seen in years.

Their tour sells out in 38 seconds, but their fund-raising comeback single Headlines (Friendship Never Ends) is officially the worst-selling Children In Need song in history.

Four Pounds Fifty Worth of Damage

Fast-talking Dundonians The View are banned from a motel chain in Britain after flooding their room. Debut album, Hats Off To The Buskers, is nominated for the Mercury, and 'The View! The View! The View are on fire!' becomes the festival terrace chant of the summer.

Gore Blimey!

Al Gore's Live Earth tries to teach us all to conserve energy by enlisting pop stars. During James Blunt's spot, it's a miracle the world didn't take to the streets spraying deodorant in the belief Armageddon couldn't arrive soon enough.

That aside, it's been a pretty sedate year for the Artist Formerly Known As Mrs Alexander: three visits to rehab in the space of five weeks, shaving her head, losing custody of her children, being ordered to attend twice-weekly drug testing, and a deluge of motoring offences. Scissor Sisters are well-known for claiming Spears was 'as stupid as a box of hair'. Now she doesn't even have that.

Just send us the cash first, Thom ...

Radiohead released their seventh album, In Rainbows, through a digital download where buyers could purchase it for how much they considered it to be worth, which was perfect for getting rid of all those 2ps that build up down the back of the sofa. We offered to give it a listen for £20.

Keith Moon for Grazia readers

Amy Winehouse becomes a national obsession. While giving us the biggest-selling album of the year and winning a clutch of awards, her personal life is riven with incidents. Her parents use the media to blame husband Blake Fielder-Civil (whom she wed in May) for the freefall. Elsewhere, Back To Black mastermind Mark Ronson releases Version, becoming Jive Bunny for the Facebook Generation.

Michael Eavis complains that this year's Glastonbury became too middle-aged and middle-class. So much so, the magic mushrooms were presumably sautéed and served on a bed of crisp asparagus.

Never Mind The Horlicks!

Ever get the feeling you've been cheated? The Sex Pistols reform for a tour. Past-it? Pah! Apparently they were throwing TVs out of the window - only not when Heartbeat was on.

Our eyes! Our beautiful eyes!

Beth Ditto - frontwoman of Gossip and the NME's exalted 'Queen of Cool' poses naked on the cover of the indie Bible that anointed her in May.

Party Tricks

In November, McFly's Danny Jones sets fire to his pubic hair with lighter fluid during a performance at a London nightclub. Not to be outdone, you wouldn't believe where Dougie Poynter pulled a rabbit out of.

Memorably turns up at the Brits looking like a bizarre Lisa Scott-Lee tribute act (is there any more degrading job in the world?), sending 'big, big love' out to rehab-bound Robbie Williams.

Replicable

In February, Ordinary Boy turned professional celebrity Sam Preston stormed off Never Mind The Buzzcocks after host Simon Amstell read extracts from spouse Chantelle Houghton's self-penned autobiography (don't you hate it when people give away the ending?).

He's replaced by a lookalike audience member and the programme continues.

Meanwhile, when Pete Doherty doesn't show up for a gig, Babyshambles supplant him with a fan.

Sober! No, No, No...

Chief Arctic Monkey Alex reveals that he worships the ground Girls Aloud Sarah Harding has passed out on, winding up the media by insisting he's set to record a musical collaboration with her.

Disappointingly, it never materialises, rupturing our dreams that the pair would be the new Dollar. You know what they should have called the duo? Turner & Hooch.

Thatcher! Yes, Yes, Yes...

Ginger Girl Aloud Nicola Roberts snaps over Labour's mooted renege on a referendum on the EU, penning a newspaper editorial on the issue before revealing that the Conservatives can count on her vote in the next general election. Bizarrely, one tabloid survey found 96 per cent of its readers thought she'd make a better Home Secretary than Jacqui Smith.

Umbrella-ella-ella

Hey hey! Rihanna's amazing ode to friendship and rain-protection is number one for 10 consecutive weeks. Surely it's the best thing water's done for us since killing off Kevin Costner's career.

Vegetarian

One of the few legal things we're allowed to call Morrissey at the moment following a controversial NME interview in November which contained his alleged views on immigration.

What's happening, Mr Wolf?

In April, genre-defying visionary Patrick Wolf attacked his drummer onstage with a cymbal stand before firing him in front of the audience in the US.

He then announced he's set to quit live performances, before retracting the statement.

X Factor scandal

Contestant Emily Nakanda is forced to withdraw from the show after a video showing her 'Happy slapping' another girl surfaces.

Ironically, the camera-phone footage had a bigger budget than the last 10 Girls Aloud promos.

In a similar scandal, Strictly Come Dancing was rocked by the shocking revelation that one of its viewers wasn't middle-class.

Youth

Underage gigs become the hot trend this year, culminating in a festival in Victoria Park, London, kind of like the NME Brats meets Bratz. Text msg language is possibly used on official notices to deter over 18s.

Z-list relationship

Cerys Matthews signs up to I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here! and starts a relationship with Gianni di Marco.

Not since Vietnam has someone entered a jungle and emerged with such bad press.