8 Ways In Which Running Might Be Having A Negative Effect On My Life.

I start to think of everything in terms of running even if it is completely unrelated – “Getting your genitals trapped in your sock drawer is like running a marathon. After a sore couple of hours on your feet, you regret ever entering it.”

I envy joggers when I’m not running and want to chase after them – Do you know how dogs get excited when they see each other and sprint at each other? That’s how I feel when I see someone out running. Only I am not keen on sniffing any runner’s asshole. I know where you lot have been.

It’s made me realise that I might actually be capable of murder – If a man walking 4 small dogs was to block the pavement whilst absentmindedly checking his smartphone, then there is every chance that I could freak out one day and eat someones face. The only thing is that I’m a piss-weak stick-insect of a man with a beer gut and around 99% of the population could probably break me.

Entering all of these races hasn’t helped my bank balance – I know that I should be managing my finances better but I can’t seem to control my impulsive nature. I spend hours perusing marathon calendar sites and checking for cheap flights to places I can’t even pronounce and it fills my life with joy. Then I get my credit card bills and I think “Why the fuck did I enter a 100 mile naked race in a puffin sanctuary in the Falklands?”

I lose patience when I feel life is going too slow – With all my experiences of running over the past 2 years, I can’t seem to fit enough into my life. There’s not enough time. When I’m queuing somewhere I start to lose my mind and want to shout “There’s a fucking recession on here and we’re all going to die! Hurry the fuck up!”

I’m overly worried about road traffic accidents – I’ve had a few near misses with traffic and I still get the awful feeling that one day I won’t be so lucky crossing the road. It’s an insidious thought that I can filter out at most times but it’s still there at the back of my mind. It only takes one lapse in concentration to enter a world of pain.

I depend on running a lot to feel normal – As much as it pains me to say this, I feel either really manic, or really down depending on how the day has progressed if I haven’t been running. Jogging stabilises my mood and I don’t see the world in such contrast. It’s dangerous when you rely on anything outside of yourself for peace of mind.

I’m a running hypochondriac – Every little sensation/tingle in my legs is a stress fracture. Every time my heart skips a beat, I think it is the onset of a cardiac arrest. Sometimes I can listen to my body too much. There has got to be a middle ground between being vigilant about possible injuries and letting my mind go hog-wild.

2 Responses

I feel you on the cardiac arrest front. I sometimes get pretty horrific panic attacks, and that jumping heartbeat thing makes my mind go crazy. Currently I’m worried I have a hernia and that my left arch is about to disintegrate. But then, I was always a hypochondriac. Always. Knowing the problem is half the battle….