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Saturday, February 20, 2010

The Stupidity Of Movie Reviews: A Nevin Barich Blog Experience

I don't get movie reviews. I mean, I truly never understood people's obsession with them. Why the hell do people care about the opinion of movies critics when you don't even know who these people are or what their tastes are like?

My wife Ramona and I are big movie goers, and we have this argument all the time. It's the same scenario. I look up the movie times online, I give Ramona some options, and she says:

What do the reviews say?

Then I say:

Who cares?

Then she says:I just want to know.

Then I say:

But what makes you think that they like what you like?

Then she says:

Would you just tell me?

Then I say:What difference does it make what they say?

Then she says:

It matters to me.

Then I say:Well it shouldn't.

Then she rolls her eyes.

Then I roll my eyes.

Then she looks up the reviews herself.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

I just never understood why we care so much about some random person's opinion. Do people think they're experts just because their opinion can be found in print or online? As a former journalist who spent 13 years in TV, print, online and magazine writing and editing, I can tell you: This isn't so. Most of these people don't have two brain cells in their head. They simply tell you what they like and don't like, and use fancy words and catchy phrases to make it seem like they have some deeper knowledge of what makes a movie good or not.

In reality, it's like going clothes shopping, trying something on, and grabbing the arm of some random stranger passing by and asking them: "Excuse me, person who I have never met before in my life and whose taste I know nothing about, what do you think of this color on me?" Do you do this when you go clothes shopping? No. Why? Because you don't give a damn what that person thinks. Because you don't know them!! They're not a fashion expert!! And they know nothing about your taste. And even if they answered you with fancy words and catchy phrases, you still wouldn't care.

The movie critic is like that random stranger. I don't care what he or she thinks because he or she doesn't care what I think. We don't know each other, we have no clue of each others' tastes, and I for one want to keep it that way.

I was watching the movie Street Kings the other day, starring Keanu Reeves. It was your typical dumb action flick, with a moronic plot and filled with such Keanu lines as "We were black and white when black and white was a big deal" and "Quicks? Not quick enough." I loved it. I thought it was entertaining as hell. I'm told movie critics hated it. Did I listen? No. Did I even read? No.

And thank God I didn't.

Because if I did, I would've missed Keanu go into a convenience store to break his ex-partner's jaw, try to save him when some gang bangers come in to kill the ex-partner, and then Keanu accidentally shoot his partner in the back.

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About Me

I'm what they call in Southern California a "Valley boy", born and raised in the San Fernando Valley. But there's one difference between me and the other Valley-ites of the world: I hate sushi!! I mean, I can't stand it. It's raw fish, people. It's disgusting. I don't find it trendy, hip or delicious. I like my burgers, my hot dogs, my red meat in general. Why is this important, you ask? Because it sums up who I am. I am clueless when it comes to trends, I like random types of music, I think it's wrong to spend triple digits on tennis shoes, I don't own an iPod, and if we were ever taken over by a technologically challenged country whose dictator announced, "From now on, the only video game system you can play is the old-school Nintendo," I'd be OK.