Share this:

1) While bargains are everywhere these days, July and August room rates are always reliably rock bottom. They’re that way for a reason — the city reaches jungle-like levels of humidity. But if you’re just planning to lounge by the pool, don’t be put off; there will be rain each day, usually a Biblical shower around 2 or 3 p.m., but other than that the weather should be tan-tastic. Plus, everything’s quiet.

2) Planning on renting a car? Definitely use Fort Lauderdale’s well-run and convenient airport as your gateway (frequent and affordable JetBlue flights from both JFK and LaGuardia.) That said, you really don’t need a car if you’re just hitting the Beach for the weekend, in which case Fort Lauderdale becomes a pricier proposition. Here’s the thing — prices for parking at most South Beach hotels make daylight robbery seem cheap — budgeting a couple of round-trip taxi rides to the mainland (for dinner at Michy’s, say) is smarter.

3) Speaking of daylight robbery, you should know that many hotels just have their valets drive your rust bucket to the local municipal garage and then charge triple the overnight fee. Garage it yourself (13th and Collins, 17th and Washington lots both cost $8/overnight) and stroll back to the hotel.

4) “Miami Vice” was canceled before Clinton hit the White House, and its image of cocaine cowboys and carjackings is just as dated. The city of Miami Beach is far from the crime-riddled cesspit Horatio Caine and his merry band of CSI’s inhabit. Today, it’s the mainland that’s the trouble spot, specifically areas north of downtown and west of Biscayne Boulevard. Yes, there’s a nude beach at Haulover Park (up north of Bal Harbour, FYI), and it’s worth pilgrimaging north even if you don’t want to disrobe. There’s a huge clothed section to the south and the sands here are hands down the best on the sandbar. Overall, just a spectacular beach.

5) If in doubt, dress up: in Miami, the velvet rope has designer labels written all over it. Hipster, thrift-store cool is not South Florida slam-dunk.

6) Don’t miss the show Deco Drive on the local Fox affiliate, Ch. 7/WSVN-TV, every weeknight — it’s like a local version of “Access Hollywood” fronted by weatherman handsome gleaming toothed Louis Aguirre, and is just kitschy enough to be worth sitting through.

7) Though service will be better in the hotels on the mainland, it really just makes sense to stay in the largely walkable city of Miami Beach. The luxury hotels on Brickell Avenue or the historic Biltmore in Coral Gables are all well and good until the 12th time you’ve crossed the Causeway. Also, this is one great reason to just say no to the sterile, New Town-esque towers of Sunny Isles Beach — the 30 minute commute to Ocean Drive can be tiresome.