I haven't actually read Breaking Dawn nor seen the film, but if it's as cracktastically Gothic as Cleolinda Jones' parody indicates, I might eventually have to. I mean, that's totally an improvement on the tepid I-won't-bite-you-until-we're-married previous three books.

EDWARD: So… big white bed. Four-poster. Alice said to spring for the filmy white drapery so it can flutter in the sultry tropical breeze. She says there's always a sultry tropical breeze. This kind of place, it comes standard. I feel cold. Do you feel cold? Maybe we should go for a swim first. In the warm, tropical water. Because it's warm. And I'm cold. I'm babbling. Are we going to have the sex any time soon?

BELLA: *looks down, shuffles feet, bites lip*

EDWARD: OH MY GOD YOU'VE BEEN HUMPING MY LEG FOR THREE WHOLE MOVIES NOW WHAT IS YOUR DEAL