This is from when I first started blogging. A lot has changed since I posted here. For a current story, please visit 5andaviking.blogspot.com. Thank you! P.S. Please don't choke on the cyber dust that has settled in these old archives. Also- try not to laugh at me too much. ;)

Monday, September 6, 2010

I've been asked by several people in the last 2 weeks to start up again.

And I want to.

But..

I had grand plans.

I started working on it.

I worked myself into a corner.

I talked myself out of this world.

I analyzed things through and through, and now. I'm stuck.

Not in a "writers block" sort of way. But in the "How in the world am I going to do this, the way I want to, sharing the things I need to, in a way that matters, with all of my qualms about it, with all of my ideals behind it, with all the things that matter to me, and all the things that don't matter, and art, and what art means and writing and career and family and money and pursuing dreams and keeping in touch and being private and slow to speak and being outgoing and personable. and truth and hypocrisy and pride and gloating and so. much. stuff." kind of way.

In my last post, I said I was working on a new blog and was going to be starting it with a bang. I think I will be following through with the new blog, just not with a big bang. I kind of want to ease into it. I think. I don't know.

*sigh*

I want to do this. I really do.

I want to write truth. But who wants as much truth as I'm willing to spill?
I want to use my time wisely, so monetizing my blog makes sense. But doesn't that mean I'm butchering the art of blogging, butchering the beauty of, "I have something so important to say that I am going to say it and write it without getting paid for it."?
I want to share my life with people. But I don't want to sit down to get to know someone who already knows me, who knows what to talk about and what not to talk about in my company, because "everyone knows she..." whatever it is.
I want to write about love, food, life, justice and my convictions. But, then people know what I think about those things and after that, there is no way to be casually integrated into a group of normal people. Because, seriously, I've seen people be afraid to ask us over for dinner. And if they get up enough nerve to invite us, they apologize for not having "the right kind of food." Who wants to live like that?
I want to share the ways that we raise our kids, and interact as a family. But things change, and I don't want anyone being influenced by our choices because "what if we're wrong and we screw everything up?" but... if that's *really* how I feel, "why am I writing these things in a blog in the first place?" And "shouldn't I be more confident in our choices?"

Do you see what I mean?

Golly, it's a good thing this is labeled The Ramblings Of.

Are you tired of hearing my whining?

Please, fellow blogger, help me. Really, I'm being as honest as I can be here.

Why do you blog?

Why do you read blogs?

Why is it okay to assume you having something worth saying?

Why do you think someone wants to hear what you think is worth saying?

Why don't you talk yourself out of the things that you think are worth saying because; (lets be real here) it's already been said?

I'm not usually into begging for comments, but, could you just take some time to answer some of these questions?