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Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Ikss Corners The Cocky

I have to admit that I was a bit nervous preparing to interview Edward Masen, aka The Cocky, central figure in my story The Cocky and TheCougar. I’ve read of his immeasurable charms, of course; his deep green eyes, his slightly crooked grin and of course his newfound appreciation for older women. I do pride myself on maintaining a certain level of professionalism at all times, but I am only human after all.

My intrigue over the man behind the myth, however, far outweighed any apprehension I may have had over my ability to keep my hands to myself while I had him on the couch. Much has been written, discussed and hypothesized of late about the moral character (or lack thereof) of Mr. Masen: cocky love interest of Bella Swan, Director of Sales for Con-Vert, and undisputed Sexy Motherfucker. It seems to be the consensus that, despite being discussed to such an extent and appearing in no less than eighteen chapters written by yours truly, to many the man remains an enigma.

Until now.

In response to the prodding by and with the cooperation of the lovely and brilliant twanza and the equally delightful Chele681, Edward agreed to sit down for an interview. The call went out far and wide and your questions were sent in via various digital media – Twitter, the Twilighted Forum Thread dedicated to The Cocky and The Cougar, even my own personal blog. Once those questions were compiled, Edward sat down with me on a comfy sofa and here are the results of our conversation. These are his words, straight from the horse’s mouth.

Edward arrived at the appointed place exactly on time, something that impressed me and appealed to my anal-retentive nature. He was dressed casually, in blue jeans and a plain, blue tee shirt. He wore blue Doc Martens on his feet, which I adored. In fact, I was wearing my own pair of white Docs and we laughed for a moment while comparing shoes before we got down to business.

ikss: Thank you, Mr. Masen, for agreeing to sit down for this interview today. I know you don’t usually do this sort of thing and I appreciate the effort.

EDWARD:Well, it is my distinct pleasure, madam. I am quite thrilled that so many readers want to know so much more about me. It’s flattering, really. And please, call me Edward.

I will admit that the grin he flashed me at this point caused my heart to flutter just a bit. I averted my eyes from his blinding smile and looked at the notes in front of me, thankful for their distraction.

ikss: OK, well Edward, I know we discussed this already, but as a reminder, here is what is going to happen: I will read the questions we have received for you, just exactly as we received them. You may then take as long as you need to answer them. If I feel the need to then ask a follow-up question for the sake of clarification I will do so. Otherwise, these are the questions from your reading public.

EDWARD:Sounds good.

ikss: OK so the first group of questions was received via Twitter. The first one comes from xoEMC, although noralw asked the same question, as well.

EDWARD:Inquiring minds want to know, eh?

He shot me another killer grin and honestly, I think he was trying to throw me off my game. Not gonna work, big fella.

ikss: Indeed. Here is the question: Are you dropping off the roses?

EDWARD:Everybody knows that women love flowers and, as such, I enjoy giving flowers to them. I find that when I give roses to my mother, for example, I can pretty much talk her into anything. For example, when I was fourteen I wanted to go to a Beastie Boys concert in the city with my friends from school. I knew it would be a hard sell because we’d planned on taking a combination of trains and busses to get there and we would have no adult supervision. I’d never even been to a concert before. So when I was ready to ask for my mother’s permission, I made dinner for her on a Saturday night and had it ready for her when she arrived home from some charity function that ran late, as they always did. In the middle of the table sat a dozen pink roses I had bought for her. She was giddy with excitement over my surprise and didn’t even care that I’d made her fish sticks for dinner. She sat with those roses in her face for what seemed like half an hour, just smelling them and smiling at me and saying “thank you” like a dozen times.

Of course, the fact that she was already three sheets to the wind probably didn’t hurt my case any, but still; she agreed to let me go to the concert. She did not, however, approve of the public transportation. My friends and I arrived at the venue in a Town Car.

I don’t remember where my father was that weekend. He travelled a lot for work. Honestly, I don’t even know if he was aware I’d gone to the concert.

I never forgot my mother’s reaction to those roses though, and I often buy flowers for girls when I am interested in them. I find that women are often impressed by small, simple gestures like that. Not all of them, though. Sometimes when I buy women flowers, they look at me as if to say, “Yeah, but where’s the diamond bracelet?”

When I first brought Gerber Daisies to Bella at her house, I thought I might die from heart palpitations when I saw the look on her face. I gotta say I would pretty much do anything to see that look again, and I have. I love that she was so bowled over by something so simple as my buying her flowers - relatively inexpensive flowers, at that.

Okay, maybe his charms did throw me just a little, because it was only later that I realized: he never really answered the question.

ikss: This also comes from xoEMC: Why are you so cocky?

EDWARD:I really don’t consider myself cocky at all. I am, however, confident. Look, it’s no secret that I am nice to look at. I could sit here and act all humble and shit, but we all know the truth and what is this interview for if not to be truthful, right? I’m good looking, I’m smart and I can charm the pants off of pretty much anybody. Knowing that is not being cocky; it’s simply being aware of the caliber of ammunition I’m working with, here.

I am secure in my ability to get what I want in any situation and pretty much from anyone. I can read people very well, generally, and am proud of my ability to communicate with people and get them to talk to me. That talent is part of what makes me a great salesman. And that’s what it is - a talent, given to me and developed by me to be utilized to the best of my ability. Can I help it if it also helps me get laid a lot?

He laughed.

Does knowing where my strengths lay make me cocky? I hardly think so. The word “cocky” has such a negative connotation and it is hardly appropriate in this instance.

I gotta say though, that this is an area where Bella has totally thrown me off my usual track. She’s not so easily swayed. I know she’s attracted to me; hell, that’s obvious in everything from the way she looks at me when she thinks I’m not aware, to the fire behind her kisses (which are just the best, by the way – no competition there), to the way she shivers when I touch her.

He smiled and it looked as if he might run a hand through his hair, but he caught himself and merely gripped the back of his neck, briefly.

But she doesn’t let that attraction or my somewhat formidable charms throw her off. She sticks to her guns in a completely frustrating, albeit intriguing and extremely sexy way. I don’t think I could ever just talk her into anything. It would have to make sense for her to agree. She makes me nervous, For Christ’s sake. No woman has really ever made me nervous before. He chuckled to himself and shook his head.

It’s just a good thing Bella wasn’t my mother or I never would have seen the Beastie Boys, roses and fish sticks or not. It’s also a good thing she wasn’t my mother cuz…well, jeez, that would just be gross.

Okay, I will admit that I giggled when he said that. What? It was funny.

ikss: I’ll say…a final question from xoEMC: Can I have your Ramones t-shirt?

EDWARD:Well, tell her to come on over here, baby. Let’s see if it fits her.

xoEMC may be happy to know that he winked when he said that. And yes, I shivered just a little on her behalf.

Honestly, I love that shirt. I’ve have had it for ages and wouldn’t even think of parting with it, except that I recently had a dream in which Bella was dancing with me, wearing that shirt and only that shirt. Let’s just say that if anyone could get that thing off my back, it would be Bella.

ikss: Ah, that’s sweet. Okay our next question comes from noralw. She asks (If you are not the one leaving the roses), what are you gonna do to get Bella’s attention and win her back?

EDWARD:You women are really obsessed with those roses. Still want to tell me that I’m not onto something with the whole give her flowers and you can get anything you want strategy? Because I’m noticing a bit of a fixation with all of you.

He sighed and sat back in his chair.

This is kind of a toughie for me, I must admit. I’ve never had to work that hard – or hard at all, really – to get a girl to begin with and I’ve never wanted to get one back once she was gone, you know? And Bella is…well, as I have inferred already, she’s different than any other girl I’ve been with.

I know that I have fucked this situation up royally. She thinks I lied to her and I guess I can see her point, even though Heidi meant absolutely nothing to me and is bat-shit crazy to have ever thought she had a chance at making me feel otherwise. Anyway, I know that at this point I need to prove to Bella that she can trust me, above all else. The only thing that will truly tell her how much I love her and want her in my life is to be honest. Honest about those truths, and about anything else she may want to know about me.

But how do you just prove that to someone, when they no longer want to get close enough to you where you might have the chance to prove it? So I need to figure out ways to use those weapons I use best in order to be given the opportunity to show that I am trustworthy.

Also, I’m really not above begging at this point.

He chuckled a bit, but sighed again, looking at me. I have to admit that I felt a bit sorry for the guy. He seemed so earnest and almost…lost talking about this.

Here’s my thing: Essentially, I’ve spent my whole life keeping people at arms’ length. I’m fun to hang out with, you know, and so I’ve always been pretty popular; but I’ve always only let people in so far. I think I learned at a young age that because my family had money there were just people who were going to pretend they wanted a friendship with me, when really they just wanted to hang out with someone of a certain social status – with the image of me. The fact that I’ve always been good-looking was also thrown in there. It’s like some badge of honor to hang out with beautiful people, isn’t it? That was especially true with girls in school. I was the cutest boy in class and they could go out with me because my family was of the same social caliber as theirs, or even above theirs. It was never about me, as a person; it was always about how I would look on their arm. I’m not saying that I didn’t take advantage of the situation, but I always knew the score.

My parents lived their lives the same way. Their social lives consisted of those activities and functions that were approved and allowable within their very restrictive circle. I don’t know that they ever had any real friends…well, my mom had her gin bottle. I think that was her best friend, really.

Now, for the first time, I want a real relationship with a real woman who doesn’t give two shits about any of that stuff. I’m not sure I even know how to do this, if I’m being honest. I just know that I want to try. I know that I have to try. I’ve never met a woman like Bella and I’ve never felt this way about anyone. I know it’s not something I’m likely to find again soon, if ever. I can’t just let her walk away because I fucked up once.

ikss: Um…Okay well in a complete switch of mood, our next question comes from StarLightSuccubus: Why are you so sexy in those Ray Bans?

EDWARD:
He laughed.Ah, sweetie. It’s one of god’s little mysteries, isn’t it? Why does her Latin accent make her so sexy? Why question these things? Just go with it.

ikss: Hey, I’m not proud. So this question is from Kim. She asks, when did you lose your virginity and to whom? Was it Carla Arnotti?

EDWARD:Wow, you girls are rather invasive, aren’t you?

He laughed again and I must admit his laughter was infectious. I found myself chuckling along.

It was not Carla Arnotti, although she thought she was my first. In truth, about six girls in prep school thought they were my first.

I first had sex at age 13, with my 19 year-old babysitter. I’m not gonna say her name here because, you know, my mom could read this. She was totally hot and I know that may sound very gross to some people, but in her defense, I was not your typical 13 year-old. I mean, I didn’t look 13, I certainly didn’t act 13 and I pursued her with a vengeance until she finally gave in one night while my parents were at the ballet…and then again like five other times after that, until she went back to college that fall. Looking back, I don’t think she knew much more than I did when it came to sex, but she was beautiful and sweet and my first sexual experience couldn’t have been more ideal, really.

Of course, she created a friggin’ monster and I couldn’t keep it in my pants after that. And finding girls my age who would actually put out was no easy task, I assure you. I therefore tended to opt for older girls, as a rule. Carla was a senior when I was a sophomore.

ikss: You acquired a taste for older women even then, I see.

EDWARD: Hey…you know, I never even thought about that.

I moved along rather abruptly to the next question because seriously, the look on his face right then was intensely sexual and I almost broke my pen in two.

ikss: Okay, we have a few questions now from our friend in Poland, moon_C…Um…Okay, again, I’m just reading this exactly as she wrote it in her question, okay?

EDWARD:
He chuckled.Okay…whatcha got?

I took a deep breath and launched into it.

ikss: Hello you sexy motherfucker! I have some questions to you handsome.

Edward laughed at this.

EDWARD:Well, let me just say that she is already my favorite question-poser. Is that the correct term? Question-poser?

He screwed his face up a little and chuckled at himself.

ikss: How come you stayed so cool all the time with Bella, knowing that you're constantly lying to her? Omission is a lie too, jsyk. I think that means “just so ya know”. Just so ya know.

Edward fidgeted in his seat a little, for the first time showing a small chink in his armor. I was intrigued.

EDWARD:Wow. Okay, she may not be my favorite anymore…

Look, I wasn’t lying to Bella. I am assuming you’re referring to the Heidi situation and your implication seems to be that I never intended tell Bella about her and the “baby” (he actually did the air-quote thing with his fingers. God, I hate it when people do the air-quote thing with their fingers). That’s an awfully big assumption.

I think there is some disagreement over just when I owed Bella that bit of information. In my opinion, I didn’t need to tell her, yet. Bella and I were still in the beginning stages of our relationship. I didn’t want to scare her away with the whole “Oh yeah, by the way I’m gonna be a daddy” thing. I knew Jake had gotten some other woman pregnant; that Bella can’t have kids of her own. I knew I had to handle the whole thing delicately, is what I’m saying. That doesn’t mean I was lying to her. But I do think this is something Bella and I are going to have to discuss, because I think she feels pretty much the same way you do.

ikss: The next few are all from moon_c.

EDWARD:Great.

The look on his face did not say “Great”. The look on his face said, “Holy shit, what have I gotten myself into here?”

ikss: Were you thinking about taking her home to meet your family?

EDWARD:I hadn’t even thought about it. My “family” consists of my father, my mother and me. I don’t see them much anymore. And look, I love Bella. Why would I inflict those people on her?

ikss: Did you tell your family you're in love with her? How about age difference?

EDWARD:Not only do I not see my parents much, I don’t talk to them much, either. So the answer is no, I hadn’t told them about Bella. But her age has never meant as much to me as it does to her and I would have no problem introducing her to anyone, least of all my parents, for that reason. I am always proud to have Bella on my arm. She’s fucking awesome. And honestly, I think her age is part of what makes her so awesome. She’s smart and sure of herself in a way that I think comes with age.

ikss: What did you feel when Bella pushed you away? It's always about what women feel in such situations. They never say [that] about men...

EDWARD:Does she mean initially or after Heidi’s fucked up phone message?

ikss: Honestly, I’m not sure either. I assume she means at first, but why don’t you just go ahead and answer both questions?

EDWARD:Sure, why not? In for a penny, in for a pound, right?

He gave a sarcastic laugh, but spoke at length anyway. I was beginning to find myself impressed at Edward’s candor in answering these questions, especially when I knew it must be terribly difficult for him to reveal so much of himself.

Initially, I knew Bella was feeling unsettled about the prospect of dating a co-worker and the fact that I am younger. I thought the age thing was complete bugshit, to be honest. I mean, there are reasons men and women are attracted to one another and I think our age difference has a lot to do with our attraction. I know I love a lot about the fact that she’s older and there are…you know…certain ways in which she likes the fact that I’m young and have great stamina.

If you know what I’m talking about. And I think you do. As a matter of fact, dear ikss, I can tell by the blush on your cheeks right now that you really know what I’m talking about. Me thinks your old man is one lucky SOB.

He chuckled and that only made me blush even more. Even if he weren’t before, I knew my old man would indeed be lucky that night. Sitting here talking to Edward like this was akin to two hours of foreplay.

I knew I could win her over as far as the age difference goes, cuz it’s really such a non-issue. The co-worker thing is a little different, but still. It wasn’t an insurmountable obstacle. We just needed to discuss it and make sure we were on the same page as far as how we would handle different work situations.

The bottom line is that we both knew we wanted to be together. I don’t think there was a lot that was going to keep us apart. Even though that made me nervous for a lot of reasons, I pretty much knew that all I had to do was be myself and we’d get there eventually.

When she pushed me away after Heidi’s phone call…well, I was crushed. I was terrified. I still am, actually.

ikss: Do you know you look like this HOT young actor? Rob is his name... In fact, you two could be twins, which gives me shivers every time I think of you two side by side.

EDWARD:Boy, she is a dirty little girl, isn’t she?

He gave a musical laugh which made me smile.

I have heard that he looks like me, yes. Frankly, I think I’m more attractive. He seems a bit of a wimp to me.

I just looked at him for a moment. For the first time all evening, I wondered just who the hell he thought he was, anyway.

ikss: Um…yeah, okay.

EDWARD:What?

ikss: Let’s just move on, okay? The rest of our questions come from the Twilighted forum thread. Do you know that there is a forum thread out there set up to discuss you and Bella and your goings on?

EDWARD:A little birdie told me it exists, yes.

He winked at me again and I had to admit that maybe, just maybe, he actually was more attractive than Robert Pattinson.

I cleared my throat and began again.

ikss: Okay, this is from PrincessDeb: Who did you think you had feelings for before? You did mention that you hadn't had feelings like you have for Bella for years.

EDWARD:I should clarify and say that really I have never had any feelings even close to what I have for Bella. I did, however, have feelings for a girl in prep school. She was quiet and somewhat shy in crowds and she always seemed a bit on the sad side. But when she had something to say, she was not at all shy. I had a government class with her and she spoke her mind freely and often…and rather loudly.

He laughed again. If I hadn’t known better I would swear that with each of his laughs, birds sang along at the sound.

Her opinions never seemed to coincide with those of the rest of the class and she seemed really fine with that. I admired that about her.

It’s funny too, because she wasn’t really all that great-looking. Not that she was ugly or anything, but she was a bit on the chunky side and her hair was long and honestly kind of stringy. It just kind of…lay there, you know? It’s interesting to me that this is the girl who held my attention the longest, out of all the really pretty girls I was with, you know?

She shot me down, though. I had watched her for weeks, maybe even months. I knew her patterns: where she sat for lunch, when she liked to go to the library, stuff like that. I knew she was working on set design or some shit for our winter musical so I kind of found a reason to stick around before going back to the dorms. I approached her in the hallway. There wasn’t anyone around or anything, thank God, because when I asked her if she’d like to go get a coffee or something, she really let me have it. I think that was the first time I was actually called cocky, in fact. She said I was full of myself and thought I could get anyone I wanted, but I wouldn’t get her.

The funny thing is that she had a crush on me all through school. Right before we graduated, she talked to me about it. She had a boyfriend by that time, so maybe she felt safe about telling me, I don’t know. But anyway, she said she’d had a crush on me for three years, but when I asked her out she thought I was just trying to score and that I thought she’d be an easy target, so she shot me down. I told her that wasn’t it at all, that I actually liked her and had a lot of respect for her. I told her that I liked how she was so different from everyone else. She seemed to really appreciate my telling her and she hugged me. It was sweet, but I wished for a long time that she’d have just said yes when I asked her out. I don’t know if we would have been a good couple, really; but it would have been cool to see. I think hanging out with her for even a few weeks would have been a lot more worthwhile than dating all the shallow, superficial chicks I ended up dating all those years.

But can I compare that to the overwhelming feelings I have now for Bella? Not in the least. Bella makes me seriously crazy. I think about her so much it’s distracting. I fucking hate traveling now, which was something I always loved doing before, because it takes me away from her. Sometimes I can’t even get work done, especially now that we’re having problems. I’m just always thinking about her. Just touching Bella, even if it’s not really in a sexual way, turns me on more than actually fucking most girls I’ve been with. I can’t believe how much fun we have together, how much she makes me laugh. And even though she can be a pain at work sometimes, I even love that. She’s fucking feisty. It turns me on. But she’s also super-sweet and I love how obvious it is…or at least it was…that she cares so much about me. I know she’s on my side, that she’ll always have my back. And she is one person you want to have on your side, you know? And at the risk of being indelicate here, let me just say that a woman who is that confident is something else in bed. She tells me what she wants. She even shows me what she wants. That is a huge fucking turn-on. Plus, she totally gets off on making me happy. How can you not love that? I really want…I want to deserve her, you know? I know I can be the man that’s good enough for her. I just need to show her that.

ikss:Wow…um…Okay before I get to the next question, I am going to remind you that I am just reading these questions as they were posed, okay?

EDWARD:So don’t shoot the messenger?

ikss:Precisely. From KrisBCullen: You said things with Heidi were casual for both of you, and you weren't exclusive. So when was the first time that Heidi said "I love you" to you, and what did you tell her about your feelings for her at that time?

Before you answer, Teddy... remember most of us in the listening audience are women, and will very likely NOT believe you if you say that she first professed her love via answering machine. It says right here in the "Chick Handbook" that "I'm having your baby" normally comes BEFORE the first "I love you" and NEVER after "leave your message at the tone... BEEEEEEEEEEEP".

EDWARD:Jesus. I don’t know whether to laugh or to be afraid of this woman. I do love that she just called me Teddy, though. I haven’t heard that in a while.

Okay, I have to admit that his saying that broke my heart a little bit.

Heidi first told me she loved me on the phone, but not on that fucking answering machine message. After I moved out to California, Heidi started calling me a lot. At first I thought it was no big deal and I just kind of avoided most of her calls. I figured she’d stop calling eventually, but she never really did. I did talk to her a couple of times, when I was too stupid to check the caller ID before picking up. She asked if she could come visit or if I was going to come home soon and I just pushed her off. I really think most girls would have gotten a clue, you know? It’s not like I ever acted like I wanted to see her again and I lived across the country, for Christ’s sake. I was in the airport and talking to her, actually, when she first said she loved me. I was kind of astounded. I mean, we only went out a few times and I was nowhere near feeling that for her. I knew she liked me more than I did her, but still. That was just extreme. But that’s when I figured I should actually see her in person to talk to her about it and let her know once and for all that I wasn’t interested and she needed to stop calling me. I was gonna tell her about Bella, even.

I gave her my home phone number before I left Chicago. You know, at the time I thought she was having my baby and she should be able to get hold of me when she needed to, right? Believe me, I regret a lot of things, but giving her my home number is one of the biggies. I mean, that was not how I wanted Bella to find out about the whole thing.

I never once told Heidi I loved her and when she said it to me, I just kind of brushed her off. I think I said “thank you” the first time. I mean, what do you say to that? I felt kind of bad that she cared for me and I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but I also couldn’t tell her I returned her feelings when I didn’t. Especially since by that time I was seeing Bella and I knew she could be something special for me.

ikss:This one is from branlc: Mr. Cocky, What were your thoughts when the Chinese woman was telling you that you needed to be honest and that it may be too late?

EDWARD:I thought she was a freaky old lady, that’s for sure. It was funny too, in a way, even though I never would have laughed in her face or anything. She kind of scared me a little, truth be told.

I didn’t feel like I was lying to Bella about anything, except that I knew I loved her and I was afraid to tell her. I kind of knew I was in love pretty much from the beginning with her. You can’t experience something that totally different from anything you’ve ever known before and not have a clue that it’s probably love, you know? But I knew about her and that asshole Jake and I wasn’t sure if I was moving too quickly for her. I didn’t want to freak her out, you know? So I waited until I just couldn’t wait anymore before I told her.

Don’t think I don’t know what she’s getting at. She wants to know if I thought about Heidi and that whole thing. But see, to me, I wasn’t lying to Bella about any of that stuff. I knew I would have to tell her about it eventually, if things between us were going to work out, but I wasn’t lying to her. I would have told her. It just wasn’t time, yet. I was waiting until we got home from Frisco.

Maybe I was naïve, but I honestly thought that maybe this could be a way for Bella and me to have our little family. Maybe not full-time, obviously, but since we couldn’t have kids of our own maybe we could at least have a part-time family, when I got to see the kid. Is that weird? I guess it’s kind of weird to be thinking that far ahead when Bella and I had only been together like a month or whatever and I didn’t even know if she loved me - yet.

I stared at him for a moment. There are times when the man reveals so much in so few sentences and I wonder at these sudden glimpses of vulnerability in him.

Then I looked down at my notebook again and I sighed before even asking this next question. I had some idea what his reaction was going to be.

ikss:From songster51: Hi, you cutie. Can I hug you?

EDWARD:He laughed. Ah…come on over here, sweetie. If I hug you, ikss, can you pass it on to her?

ikss:Um…I don’t think that’s how these things work.

EDWARD:Really? I’ll give you a hug you won’t soon forget…

He started to pout a little and I had to steel myself from actually getting up out of my seat and sliding toward him, even while I was frustrated at the man’s ability to leap from sweet vulnerability to lackadaisical cockiness in a heartbeat.

ikss:Let’s move along, shall we? This one is from latuacantante4him: What went through your mind when you heard Heidi's message on your recorder?

EDWARD:Now see, this is where I really screwed the pooch. When I got out of the shower and Bella was gone, I really didn’t know what happened. The message on the machine had not been listened to, you know, so I thought there was a chance she hadn’t heard it. I knew she had to go back to her place to get ready for work, so I thought maybe she’d just left before Heidi called. Yeah, it was weird that she’d leave without saying good-bye, but I was grasping at straws.

That message pissed me the fuck off. I almost hated Heidi right then, cuz she knew I wasn’t interested in her that way and to talk about buying stuff at La Perla so she can wear it for me…I mean, what the fuck was that? That chick is seriously a mental case. But for her to say all that stuff - and knowing Bella probably heard it - just made me so mad, I can’t even tell you the thoughts that were going through my mind. I felt horrible for Bella, for what she must be thinking. I was pissed at Heidi and a bit worried about her mental health, and I was frantic. I was petrified about what this meant for Bella and me.

ikss:This one is from her, as well: What went through your mind when you realized that Bella heard the message?

EDWARD:Oh. Fuck.

ikss:This next bit is from RebeccaMatthews. She says to note that she has an innocent look on her face.

Edward barked out a laugh.

EDWARD:Well, she can try as hard as she likes to look innocent, but I’ve heard about her…

ikss:Dearest Mister Cocky, I love that you are confident in yourself, but rather disappointed in the way you have handled the fallout over Heidi, and the possible pregnancy. You’re over reacting to seeing Truman walking Bella to her car, and choosing to embarrass Bella at the staff meeting was a little disheartening. My question is: why did you choose to change the subject every time Miss Bella asked about your past? It seemed that she did want to get to know you better, but this just makes you look rather stupid. When you respond, please no bullshitting us.

EDWARD:Truman? Was that his name? What the fuck kind of pussy name is Truman?

OK, look…I will admit that I overreacted to seeing Bella with him. It’s just…I know how men are. And she may think they’re friends, but I know he hopes they will end up being more. I mean, have you ever seen Bella? There is no heterosexual man alive who does not want to get his hands on that. That’s just a given. And you know, with the way things are between us right now, I was…well, I was already upset and I’d had this crazy day with that psycho Heidi and I just wanted to see Bella and give her the good news about the non-pregnancy. Plus I was hoping she’d make me feel a little better cuz she’s usually so good at making me feel better. And then I get there and see her walking and giggling with this tall guy and I just…I kinda lost it. I feel bad about that. I apologized to her. I think we’re over it.

As far as what happened at work that Monday…you have to understand the nature of the Sales/Credit relationship. Honestly, things like that happen all the time. They really do. The truth of the matter is that if we hadn’t had the kind of relationship we have, I would have brought it up just exactly the way I did. Throwing her off her game by bringing all of that up in the midst of that meeting worked to my advantage, so that’s what I would have done if she were anyone else. If we’re not supposed to let our personal relationship affect our business relationship, then I did the right thing, yes?

However, we do have a relationship outside of work and as much as she may say she doesn’t want that to contaminate our working relationship, the truth is that it does and it will. I should have been a bit more sensitive to the fact that I would be hurting her feelings and I shouldn’t have just ambushed her like that in front of other people. Again, I apologized and I think we’re over it.

I anticipate that this will be a recurring problem that we’ll have to deal with, though, so long as we both work for Con-Vert. It’s kind of a strange tightrope to walk. I understand now why Bella was so apprehensive about dating someone she works with.

You really think I looked stupid because I didn’t feel the need to discuss my high school batting average with Bella? I mean, why does that kind of shit matter anyway? Honestly, my life is kind of boring.

Moreover, I am not at all used to airing details of my life with someone – with anyone. I was raised to be rather guarded, I guess. I think when you come from money, you just kind of assume that the more information you give people, the more ammunition they have to use against you at some point. I know Bella’s not that way, but I think it just takes some time to break old habits. And again, I wasn’t keeping anything from her that was all that exciting.

ikss:This one is from Greenie. She’s very sweet and you’d better be nice.

EDWARD:
He chuckled.

I’m always nice.

ikss:Um…yeah…Okay, well here it is: Mr. Cocky, How did you remain so cool and collected around Bella when you had such a huge revelation from Heidi? Especially when you told her that she knew everything about you that mattered and when you told her that you had a friend coming from Chicago (and, of course, the Chinese lady question asked above).

EDWARD:First of all, why are so many of these people calling me “Mr. Cocky?” It sounds like Joe DiMaggio should be doing commercials for me or something.

ikss:You remember those Mister Coffee commercials?

EDWARD:Well…vaguely…anyway, back to the matter at hand - I wasn’t exactly gonna spring the Heidi thing on Bella in the middle of that bar, now was I? And honestly, at that point, in that bar, I was just interested in having a good time. It was all I could do not to rip her clothes off while we were sitting there. Discussing how I aced my SATs was not on my agenda.

Really, Bella did and does know everything about me that matters. In many ways, she knows me better than anyone ever has. It’s not about how many women I’ve slept with or what street I grew up on and what sports I played as a kid or any of that stuff. She knows me. She gets me. She knows my motivations. She understands me. And yes, she knows how to turn me on. What is more important than that?

I was nervous about the Heidi situation, but honestly while we were in San Francisco I was only thinking about what a great time I was having in San Francisco with Bella. When she asked me to go to Rose’s birthday thing, I just…I knew I couldn’t go. I actually thought that Bella would ask me who was visiting and I thought for a moment, “Okay, well maybe this is when I’m supposed to tell her.” But she never asked. And you know, I’m certainly not gonna bring it up and ruin our whole weekend if I don’t have to. I was relieved.

You know, in my own defense, this is not at all something I’m used to dealing with – having to put everything on the table for someone; for anyone. I’ve never been in a relationship before and it’s not like I had good role models as far as that goes.

ikss:Also from Greenie: What were you planning on doing with Heidi staying at your place all week-end and how were you planning on keeping that from Bella?

EDWARD:Look, Heidi knew – she was told anyway – that she would be staying in my guest bedroom, even before I got her that hotel room to further prove my point. And even though I had told Bella that I was having a guest and I didn’t really think the two would meet, I was planning on telling Bella before Heidi showed up. I didn’t want her to drop by or call me and hear Heidi or whatever, so I thought I’d talk to her about it after we got home from Frisco.

ikss:And what were you thinking when Bella asked you this (I’m gonna read from the story, here): "Something you'd like to tell me?"

Edward was grinning, as well. "The truth?" I felt the arm he had at my waist leading me forward as we continued our walk up the street. "The truth is that I'd like nothing more right now than to pull you in to a back alley around here and have my wicked way with your body."

ikss:She is. But you have to admit that some of your actions of late have been rather…questionable.

His hand ran through his hair, pulling at it a bit, and he crossed his legs, ankle over knee.

EDWARD:OK, well, as I said earlier, I really wasn’t thinking about Heidi at that time. I was thinking that I loved Bella and needed to tell her. I was trying not to laugh at the scary old lady…and really, I would have loved to have pulled Bella into a back alley and fucked her up against the wall. It’s not like I was lying about that.

ikss:If Heidi didn't mean that much to you, why did you go out of your way to fly to Chicago to officially break things off with her and do the "right thing?"

• Why couldn't you just tell her over the phone?

• How could you do the "right thing" with Heidi but not Bella?

EDWARD:Jeez, sometimes I feel like no matter what I do, you all are gonna think I’m a shit-heel.

The thing is, I never told Heidi anything which would make her think I loved her, or even that I was interested in maintaining any sort of relationship with her. But after she started saying she loved me, I just…I mean, I felt kind of bad. I wondered if I had led her on in some way, back when we dated. I had the opportunity to go back to Chicago, so I decided to sit down and spell it out for her.

And I don’t think I did “the wrong thing” to Bella. I think she just found out about the whole situation in a very unfortunate way. Bella and I were really at the beginning stages of our relationship. It’s not like I’ve slept with anyone else since I met Bella and I would have told her about Heidi if she hadn’t found out the way she did. It’s all about timing and apparently mine just sucks.

ikss:That is all of the questions we received from the general public, Edward.

EDWARD:Really? That was…well, it was painful, but not as bad as I expected, actually. And really, it was almost…cathartic.

ikss:Well hold on. I actually have a question or two for you myself.

His laughter was uproarious and I actually found myself giggling along.

EDWARD:Wait. Don’t you write this shit? Don’t you already have all the answers?

ikss:One would think so, but, dude, you and Bella have pretty much taken over the story. I barely know who you kids are anymore.

EDWARD:OK, well, shoot. Just remember where your bread is buttered and be gentle, will ya? I’m still feeling a little wounded from some of those questions.

ikss:Ah, poor baby…and just as an aside, there ain’t no bread bein’ buttered here, bub.

He chuckled, his hand again going to his hair.

EDWARD:Such alliteration, missy.

ikss:Yes, I do so love the alliteration. Anyway, so I’m wondering what the hell you were thinking parking outside of Bella’s house and watching her that first night you met?

Edward stared at me like a deer caught in headlights for a moment before uncrossing his legs and running his hands down his thighs.

EDWARD:Shit. Honestly, I thought I’d been let off the hook there.

I chuckled.

ikss:No such luck, bub. You know, you seem like such a nice guy, really. I mean, I know you’ve fucked things up with Bella, but I honestly believe you’re a decent guy at heart.

EDWARD:Well, gee…thanks.

He smiled and it was almost shy. It was rather endearing, I must say.

ikss: Sure. But really, I don’t understand the subtle stalking. That was just…weird.

EDWARD:Well, you wrote that shit. Why don’t you tell me why I did it?

I just glared at him and tapped my foot until he finally sighed in resignation and pulled his hand through his hair again.

EDWARD:Okay, fine. Look, I honestly don’t even know what I was thinking. There is just something about Bella that makes me feel very territorial. I’ve never felt that way before. I mean, I’ve never acted jealous like I do when it comes to her, either. The stalking thing was…well, I knew it was freaky while I was doing it!

At least I didn’t take it any further, you know? Not that that’s any sort of redemption for what I did, but at least I didn’t…you know, like sneak in to her bedroom to watch her sleep or something.

We looked at each other blankly for several moments before we both burst out laughing. Once our laughing fit had retreated a bit, I thanked him for his time.

EDWARD:Sure - you know, I hope this helps. Or, at the very least, I hope it has been entertaining.

ikss:Well, I for one was entertained, anyway.

And there you have it – The Cocky, in His Own Words. It has been my distinct pleasure to bring you this interview. I feel that I have learned quite a bit about the man behind the myth in doing so and I hope you feel the same.

As a side note…yes, he really is as great-looking as he has been described. As the evening progressed it became more and more difficult to maintain my professionalism and keep my drooling to a minimum. I hope you’re as proud of my efforts as I am, because I did it all for you.

A very special thank you to KrisBCullen for her input and editing on this project.