Support and Causes

It’s funny how after I got engaged I thought it would be more fun, as a girl anyway. You know, the looking through Brides magazines, having a shower, making engagement pictures, registering, shopping for things like the dress, the shoes the veil, picking my colors and theme and such. Yet it has been the loneliest engagement.

My fiancée is in another state getting things wrapped up so we haven’t been together. Just a small trip where we got the marriage licensee together. We were supposed to have a friend take some pictures for us during that trip as well so we could use as engagement pictures here but that seemed to not materialize after she offered to do it for us. It was doubly sad because I figured it would be some time for her and my guy get to know each other a bit. Had I known it was an empty offer, I would have then made plans with someone else and then I would have engagement pictures.

My mom has been sick. So she just didn’t have the energy, desire or just feel well enough to be involved in anything. Even though finally my mom has gotten better and has more of her energy back, she still doesn’t seem to be reaching out to do things with me about the wedding. I call and she doesn’t call back. She doesn’t seem to ask me much about the wedding plans or just call or email me much. I really don’t know why. Most of my engagement she was sick – so I did everything by myself or had my fiancée help me through long distance emails or calls in helping to pick things out. But it just isn’t the same with him not here.

So I registered by myself at the stores. It would have been nice to share that with someone like a friend or my mom or my fiancée. I can’t even do anything with my future sister in law or mother in law as they live overseas.

None of my personal friends offered to throw me a shower. A couple of co-workers from work offered and are going to do it. It just surprised me that my friends didn’t offer. At one point I asked my mom if we could have the shower at her and my dad’s place. They have the perfect home and space for entertaining and she seemed to not like that idea at all and tried to get me to look at different restaurants to host the shower at. So again, something else I was to research on my own. Something I should not be researching for the bridal shower. To be honest that sort of made me mad. I don’t want my guests to pay for food when they are buying me a wedding gift for my shower so just told the hostess let’s have it at her place. My place is too small. That honestly bothered me that my mom didn’t want it at her house. Maybe my mom is just too tired and old and so she just doesn’t want to do this stuff.

Then I was supposed to go hunting for my cowboy boots to wear with the wedding dress this weekend. My friend offered to do that with me. Sounds like fun right? So when the time came it didn’t happen again. So I went by myself as usual. All of my life I do seem to do things alone. I guess I’m going to shop by myself for my dress and veil too. I’m sure when people come to find out I picked out my dress and veil without asking them, they’ll seem all hurt and shocked I didn’t ask them.

Maybe I’m being selfish or uber sensitive. I don’t know. I don’t get it. I thought when a lady gets engaged, her friends and family gush and rush to do these things with her and want to share in these things. I just don’t know. I get that the world can’t revolve around me and other people have their own problems and lives and all. I get that. I guess I’m just mistaken about how this was supposed to go and I’m really getting emotional about it. Maybe it’s my hormones. Maybe I just got married too late in life when everyone is older and on with their lives too deeply. I’m sure had I been in my 20’s maybe it would be different. Maybe I expect too much. Whatever it is, it still hurts my feelings.

Just got an email from my mom saying they are going to Vegas. They leave Monday, the day of my birthday. I think this is the 2nd year in a row they have gone to Vegas on my birthday. I hate to sound selfish but it bothers me. Especially now. Just seems to be the icing on the cake these days. Why does it seem every year for the last few years my birthday has been depressing? I am seriously getting to the point where I really can’t stand my birthday.

*UPDATE: My parents didn’t go to Vegas after all because I misread the email. I’m a big baby!

Tonight I’m staying in and cooking and drinking and watching some good movies. It’s my own little tradition as I don’t like to be out on the roads with others who have been drinking. I may do some cleaning in the evening and getting some things organized, what better night to do that on.

I’ll be making some honey mustard chicken wings, black-eyed peas, cabbage and cornbread. All foods are for luck and wealth if eaten on New Year’s day, except for the chicken wings – those can be bad luck so I’ll eat them well before midnight. I’ll also make an orange sherbet champagne punch.

Speaking of luck and superstitions, here are some I found interesting for New Years. I’m so glad I kissed my boyfriend at the stroke of midnight in his timezone in Afghanistan. Even though it was still a cyber kiss on instant messenger! I will probably email him another one when it’s midnight here in Arizona.

Kissing at midnight: We kiss those dearest to us at midnight not only to share a moment of celebration with our favorite people, but also to ensure those affections and ties will continue throughout the next twelve months. To fail to smooch our significant others at the stroke of twelve would be to set the stage for a year of coldness.

Stocking Up: The new year must not be seen in with bare cupboards, lest that be the way of things for the year. Larders must be topped up and plenty of money must be placed in every wallet in the home to guarantee prosperity.

Paying Off Bills: The new year should not be begun with the household in debt, so checks should be written and mailed off prior to January 1st. Likewise, personal debts should be settled before the New Year arrives.

I think it’s pretty cool that this year it falls on 11/11/11 and the 11th hour is when you are supposed to have a moment of silence in remembering. A great tribute video with memorable quotes. Thank you Veterans.

Since my parents are in Vegas, one of my friends Lisa who just came back from Italy (the one I was cat sitting for) decided to scrap her plans to drive to California to be with her aunt and uncle and prepare a Thanksgiving for her and I. I thought that was very sweet. I told her over and over not to cancel her original plans but she insisted. She said really wanted to do it.

So…. she ordered a turkey dinner from Boston Market for us to enjoy. Not too glamorous but decent and affordable and includes turkey and the basic sides like stuffing, mashed potatoes, rolls and so on. Plus she is making some extra things like pumpkin pie, lots of appetizers and shrimp and such. I invited my other friend from work – I’ll call her Jersey Girl but she isn’t feeling up to it. Lisa and I were bummed but I do get wanting to be alone sometimes. I’ll try one more time to convince her to come before I leave.

I won’t be heading over there till around 5pm because she said everything won’t be ready till 5:30 pm. I told her not to kill herself trying to make everything so perfect. “I know you!” She laughed and said, yeah you sure do. I’m the same way so I know she’s trying to make the table look nice, making sure she has enough food, making sure the house is spotless, picking out mood music and cocktails. lol I do appreciate the effort though. I’ll be bringing stuff to make a salad and a coffee table book as a gift.

She has a beautiful home, she’s a great hostess and single like me. I’m actually looking forward to spending the time there with a nice dinner, cocktails and single girl talk in a cozy house. It was incredibly nice of her to do this.

Sometimes I feel really blessed. I have a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. Good friends who really care about me. My health. My parents. Being employed!!! Having my home. And being in love with a great guy. I will be saying a special prayer this evening with giving thanks to all of those things.