Did you ever dream that you were a dog agility super champ except then it switched and you were at some germy, grungy, derelict seaside park in the dark and the carnies were actually drug addled zombies that were shambling after you with hammers and their big teeth? And then as you're trying to escape your way out from under their oily, horrible claws by clambering up a rat infested palm tree, you're all, this is about dog agility like, how?

12 February 2010

Today we bring the dog agility world the marketing genius plan of small, round vacuums to begin building the robot army.

I'm not kidding. I really want Roomba. Sassie is a genuine New York City dog trainer and she has not only has Roomba, but Robot 1, Robot 2 and some other kind of Robot. And a parrot! She made a video for me as a present so I could be jealous of her Roomba. Thanks Sassie!

So I had this idea. Maybe I could become a marketing genius and sell Roombas? Like, it is my destiny? Just this thought. Because you could vacuum and teach your dogs the Thriller dance all at the same time. Educational for dogs! And exercise! It doesn't have to be just Michael Jackson songs. The Clash, Sublime and Dee Lite strike me as very, very good Roomba vacuum dog training exercise bands. We are talking one huge robot dance party for everybody.

So let's say that I was going to sell top of the line, pet hair vacuuming Roombas to all of you for $369.99. This is a DEAL! And then I am going to sell you the Premier Manners Minder Robot for the low, low price of $109. American dollars. Plus tax. They are made of highest quality plastics and robotic devices. They are shiney and sparkly and roundish and best of all, they are ROBOTS. Because, you get this, right? You watched the video. Robot needs to be riding Roomba. Otterpop too. All the dogs ride Roomba. Roomba, fun for EVERYONE.

And then here is where the business plan part escapes me somewhat. I am a vacuum salesman now? One USDAA class is $13. How many Roombas do I lose money on to pay for one USDAA class? Can I still pay for Steeplechase and Grand Prix, which costs $20 to enter? Is there money left over for jeggings? I think those are $100. But the problem being, you need a lot of days of robot dance party with Roomba to wear the jeggings.

Potential business plan flaw. This happens to me sometimes. Once you lose all the money, then you just call it art and come out even. Sort of. Like even except you lost the money. But what a great robot dance party it could be!

So after watching the video it occurred to me that there are a number of different possibilities. I put the MM so that the food was coming out the front of the Roomba, which is a good way for dogs to shed in front of the vacuum cleaner, thereby having any shed fur immediately removed from the floor. I also set the Roomba on spot clean so that it would stay roughly in the circle of light I had shining on it so that the video would come reasonably well.

If, however, the MM fed behind the Roomba, and the Roomba was set on its regular path, it might lead to more of a conga line type dance.

Sadly, the snow is going away and now I've got to do things like real work...

I want the dirt dog roomba! I figure it's the only one that could handle the amount of hair around here :)http://store.irobot.com/category/index.jsp?categoryId=3334468&cp=2804605&ab=CMS_IRBT_Supercat_070109

Laura Hartwick, Captain

Many people around Santa Cruz know Laura as the lady with all those little black dogs. Many people know her as a horse trainer. Many people know her as the artist with the small brushes. Many people know her as that hoity graphic designer.
None of them would be wrong.
All the dogs of Team Small Dog, righteously awesome.
Laura Hartwick is usually a nice person. Except when she isn't. Be nice, don't bite, and run faster.