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Jealous of the Nanny

Hello fellow mums!

Is it immature and selfish that I get jealous of my nanny? Being a working mom, I never get to spend as much time with my daughter as the nanny. How do I maintain my authority as the mother? Or am I doing something wrong (aside from being immature)?

I think it is a natural feeling; try not to feel guilty about your emotions. How much do you work during the week? Are you able to spend quality time with your daughter on your days off? I think that this is what will be key to maintaining healthy family relationships and, hopefully, reducing the jealousy that you feel towards your nanny.

Remember that you will always be your daughter's mum. No-one can change that. Plan special things to do in the time you spend together. It may help to plan it in advance so that you can both look forward to it. I remember from your other post that your daughter is almost two. You could get her a weekly calendar that you can write on with a wipe-off pen each week and draw pictures of the things you are going to do together on your time off.

Could you ask your nanny to show your daughter photos and videos of you whilst you are away (as long as this will not upset your daughter and make her miss you more) and keep up a dialogue throughout the day about you coming home and looking forward to seeing her when you get back from work etc?

I wonder if it would also help you if your nanny could send you a few picture messages through the day showing what your daughter is doing so you still feel involved in what she is doing day-to-day?

Remember that you are working to provide for your daughter. This is a wonderful gift to her. You can explain this to her and there are also books where the characters have working mums which may help. In today's society, so many mums need to work alongside caring for their children. What I feel is important is to make sure they are happy and well-cared for whilst we have to be away and then cherish every moment when we are together.

When you say 'how do I maintain my authority as the mother' - please could you expand on what you mean by this. What is concerning you? Does your nanny understand your parenting 'philosophy' and what this looks like in practice? I would say that this is essential. Consistency is so important but, more than this, you still want your daughter to be cared for with the greatest respect, interest and gentleness when you are away from her.

I hope this helps. Please do post back and let me know what you think and we can offer you some more suggestions.