Cast magic missile at the darkness all you like, but only Jesus can save you now.

Everyone knows that Dungeons & Dragons is a secret tool of the devil to lure young, impressionable minds away from their rightful savior and forever trap their souls in unholy perdition, right? Well, in case you didn't know, the upcoming Zombie Orpheus Entertainment-produced film Dark Dungeons is going to set you straight this summer.

I know God tweets, because you can't prove He doesn't.

Parody Twitter account (or maybe not—you can't prove God doesn't use Twitter) @TheTweetOfGod went to The Holy Land Experience and had a lot of fun tweeting about all of the Jesus-themed stuff He saw there. It turns out God has a really great sense of humor, so we've got the highlights of his little trip for you.

Back in August the Internet exploded with pictures of an attempt at restoring a Spanish fresco that depicted Jesus called Ecce Homo or Behold the Man. The attempted restoration was done by an 80-year-old woman named Celia Gimenez. She is now widely considered to be the worst, but it hasn't stopped her from painting, and now Celia Gimenez just sold a painting on eBay for $1,421. What are the chances she's really Banksy?

Winter Is Coming

"I have this unhealthy obsession of Game of Thrones," writes DeviantArtist sheilalala. Don't we all? Seriously though. Seasons in George R.R. Martin's universe last for years and he's got a never-ending list of food to pull from. This dinner would last for aaaaages.
(via Vulture)
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Not a Misprint

According to a mysterious piece of papyrus discovered by Harvard Divinity School professor Karen L. King, eternal presumed bachelor Jesus may actually have been married. [INSERT OBLIGATORY DAN BROWN/THE DA VINCI CODE REFERENCE HERE] The business card-sized fragment has on it eight incomplete lines of writing plus a few words and letters amidst other too-damaged-to-read text, but the phrase that's causing all the buzz is this one: "Jesus said to them, my wife."
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Imagine What You'll Know Tomorrow

Previously, the comedy group Barely Political brought us a helpful lesson on how to speak like Twilight star Kristen Stewart. Well, they're back with a very special holiday message. Listen intently as Stewart (Laura McDonald) tells us all about the virgin birth of Jesus, three very different Wise Men and how Pocahontas and beards played a huge part in Christmas. Also, Bella is like, totally like the Virgin Mary. Merry Christmas.

I Want to Believe

Don't pretend you've never thought about it. Jesus is supposed to care about all creatures big and small so why wouldn't he take care of the Klingons, E.T.'s and Jawa's out there in the galaxy? Well, recently, theologians and scientists actually put forth the debate, "Did Jesus die for Klingons too?" at the 100 Year Starship Symposium in Orlando, Florida.
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