seeing my father after a very long time. PLEASE he

hi everyone...i need some advice...i grew up in an abuse home where my father hurt my mother both physically and emotionally...i remember instances when i was young of him throwing my cat across the room and then physically fighting with my mother. the yelling and the screaming that i heard often have stayed with me...im a non-confrontational person b/c of it. when i hear people yelling on the streets, i go right back to my childhood yrs... and fast movements directed toward me make me very jumpy sometimes...even when they turn out to be playful...when i was 12, my father started hitting me, not often, but enough. and with the emotional abuse and yelling that i experienced, i feel that i cannot trust men or feel comforted by them. My parents have been divorced since I was 13 and i can't help it, but i do miss my father and i did love him despite everything. My parents and i did have good periods but they were also followed by arguments and yelling...The reason i am writing all of this is because a couple of weeks ago, i ran into my father and we've talked on the phone a one time since then. I have over the yrs tried to forgive him but i was always so angry. Now that he is in my life, should i give him a chance? I'm very scared...not of him, but what his leaving me again will do to me. I feel like i both love him and i hate him at the same time, but what do i do? i have his phone number and my bday is coming up...should i meet him? should i wait for him to call ME on my bday? what if he doesn't want to see me? i don't know what to do! i was just beginning to cope and i currently have many issues with men b/c of him...will meeting with him and trying to form a relationship heal old childhood wounds? what if he hasnt changed? PLEASE HELP, i would talk to my mom but she has a lot of hurt with him b/c they were married for 14yrs and my father thought it would be best if i wouldnt tell her that we met.

I made the mistake of seeing my father after working very hard at forgiving him. It brought back a lot of bad memories and I am still angry. He will never change and does not see his actions as wrong. He justifies his behavior even accusing me and making me feel guilty. If you are still going through the healing process I would not see your father. Maybe a quick happy birthday email or letter, however the relationship is too toxic to go back for now.

Emotional abuse takes many years to heal from. I am only starting to begin to face the possiblity of facing everything and trying really hard not to be bitter and angry about it. I don't see how to forgive him when I am so angry.

I'd wait to start seeing him in person. Maybe a short chat on the phone occaisionally, but I mostly agree with the above reply. If you're still in the healing process, very much, don't see him. Good luck.

Set boundaries with him and take it slow. you do not owe him anything. Expect that he may or may not apologize but make sure your well being is first do not worry about him or his feelings it is good to forgive because it benefits your health and well being. Do not talk with him if you do not want to and let him know where you stand. You are so brave right now. This is only my opinion but I have been there done that.

so my father never called on my bday...so i called him 2 days after my bday. he said he lost my number on his cellphone or something like that. he was happy to hear from me or at least it sounded like that...he told me he can&#039;t see my for a while since he has a lot of stuff going on...(didnt say what exactly)...he said he was going somewhere and he&#039;d be back in 2 wks...then he said, i probably wont be able to see you until the end of may...should i believe him?? the first thing he asked me was &quot;did u tell yer mom that u saw me?&quot; and i said &quot;no, u told me u dont want her to know&quot; (which is the truth, i didnt tell her)...but then he didnt believe me so i had to be like &quot;no, i really didnt&quot;. i cant figure out if he wants me in his life or not. what do u guys make of this?

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