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Kay, do y’all remember that special channel on my Roku called Midnight Pulp where I found Antfarm Dickhole? For the newbies: 1) Yes, that’s an actual movie 2)Yes, I watched it 3) NO, I did not finish it 4) but a couple of other brave souls did and you should really check out all the reviews. My goodness gracious me…anyway I found The Disco Exorcist on the same channel and well…just look at it guys, look at it!! How on earth could I pass this up? Of course, I couldn’t. So here’s the lowdown:

Rex Romanski is a 1970s disco swinger who loves and leaves the wrong woman – the wicked black magic priestess Rita Maria. And now it’s up to Rex to undo the scorned Rita’s rampage of revenge, murder and destruction before she claims more lives, and possesses the soul of the woman he loves. A sexy, irreverent horror comedy – Get Down… and Get Dead!

This is Rex. And yes, I would’ve totally been one of those 800 million girls to sleep with him. It’s the long hair, dammit, it’s my kryptonite!

Anyway, Rexie is like the ladies man – I mean, the film starts with him doing two chicks (wearing blue and pink wigs which I HIGHLY approved of) and videotaping it all while snorting coke off one of the girls’ asses. Obviously this man is THE man. After all that having of THE SEX, Rexie is off to the disco club to dance the night away. He meets the most awesome, amazing, totes diesel babe (is that 70s lingo or am I in the 80s now?) and they dance all night, then go back to his place for some more of THE SEX.

This bitch be cray-cray.

The next morning he’s off for brunch with his friend (which means he’s going to a theatre to watch porn with his friend) and so he and amazeballs chick decide to meet up that night for more disco lovin’. And they do and all is well until the most awesome, amazing, totes diesel babe walks into the club and Rexie is in love (wait…I’m seeing some very strong similarities to Romeo & Juliet here…) Anywho, Babe #1 is pissed and seeing as how she’s a witch or a voodoo priest (are those different??), she pulls out a chunk of Babe #2’s hair and curses her. Then she goes all psycho, screaming and crying and leaves the club. It’s like my every Friday night in college.

Then…um….oh yeah, for some reason everybody becomes porn stars – not sure why but whatevs, do your thing. So there’s lots of sex on roller skates and then Babe #2 gets all black-eyed psycho with two other porn stars and wakes up like this:

Luckily, my Friday’s in college DID NOT end up like this.

And then there’s a whole bunch of her being possessed, then not being possessed and there’s sex and more sex and then there’s the killing and then it turns out Rexie’s brother isn’t actually a priest but the guy that runs the club IS and he’s performed an exorcism before! Holy Mary Mother of God, y’all! And then there’s a whole bunch of exorcist stuff (well, okay seriously for having the word “exorcist” in the title, this has very little exorcisms) and there’s a relatively happy ending. Hehehehe…happy ending…

So basically, I saw more penises and sex before 11 AM then you guys did and got to see some blood and zombie possessed porn stars just for extra measure. Go me.