Shadow Work: How to Face Your Darkest, Disturbing Thoughts

All throughout the history of mankind Shadow Work has played a powerful yet mysterious and occult role in helping us discover what is causing us mental illness, physical dis-ease and even insanity resulting in crimes of all kinds.

Traditionally, Shadow Work fell in the realm of the Shamans, or medicine people, as well as the priests and priestesses of the archaic periods of history. These days, Shadow Work falls more commonly in the realms of psychotherapy, with psychologists, psychiatrists and therapists setting up practices and writing books of all kinds on the topic.

However, more often than not the prescription drugs and behavioral therapy recommended and appointed to us does very little to truly cure our deepest and darkest thoughts and desires.

The question is … how can we truly accept ourselves and grow to respect and love who we are when many of us feel ourselves to be abhorrent, disgusting, irredeemably flawed and wretched people due to what we carry inside. The answer is we can’t. But we can grow to love and accept ourselves with the right guidance.

Recently I was very fortunate to go on a shamanic journey with co-writer of LonerWolf, Sol, as part of our soulwork practice and discover a solution to this much forgotten and suppressed problem. Today I will share it with you in hopes that you can truly face, overcome and heal yourself from the stifling grip of the Shadow Self in order to obtain more peace in your life.

Rated “R” For Disturbing Content

Firstly, let’s define what dark and disturbing thoughts are.

Depending on who we are, our circumstances, upbringing, and cultural and religious influences, most of us have at least one form of dark and disturbing thought throughout our lives. These can include the following:

These thoughts can be towards any person, gender or race of any age, and of any connection to you, e.g. your friends, children, lover, parents, siblings, colleagues, strangers or acquaintances. They can also be directed towards other life forms, e.g. animals or inanimate objects.

As we can see, in the realm of dark and disturbing thoughts, nothing and no one is off limits, and we will see why below.

Why Do We Have These Thoughts?

It is said that during shamanic journeying one is either guided through the underworld (the unconscious mind), the middleworld (the conscious mind), or the upperworld (the spiritual realm). In this case, I was guided through the underworld where Pan – that mythic half-man, half-goat god – appeared to me numerous times as I descended to the depths of my unconscious.

Once I discovered the long repressed thought I had avoided and forgotten due to fear, shame and shock, I understood the purpose of Pan’s presence: to face this unconscious block, to take responsibility for it, and to heal. We will discuss these topics later.

Now, it is important to explore why dark and disturbing thoughts arise in the first place.

So what’s the issue here?

Well … that is the precise problem. All throughout our lives since we were tiny infants we were distinctly taught what is “good” and what is “evil”, what is “right” and what is “wrong”, and what is “virtuous” and what a plain fat “sin” is.

We were taught that if we stepped out of line in any way we would either be punished by our parents, the authorities, or by some kind of God. We were even taught in our religious education that God/Divinity can “hear all of our thoughts” and knows the “hidden intentions of our hearts”. This was enough to make us constantly feel on edge, and ridden with guilt!

In essence, we grew up with a 24/7 surveillance system around us. If it wasn’t our parents who caught us, it was the police, and if it wasn’t the police, it was a wrathful God.

Naturally, this sensationalized the “bad”, “evil” and “sinful” acts of life, giving them an all too tempting air of mystery.

To the naturally curious and inquisitive human being, this is paramount to painting big red words on a wall that say “DON’T PRESS THIS BUTTON!” or “DON’T OPEN THIS DOOR!” Naturally, most of us will push that button and will open that door, giving in to the tempting and sensationalized air of mystery that “evil” and “sinful” acts are given.

But the aftermath is what we suffer from the most.

Once we do taste what it’s like to have a dark and disturbing thought, most of us fearfully push it out of our minds or shamefully repress it, until we build up so many of these “bad” and “evil” thoughts that we either become physically or psychologically sick … or act on them to purge the overwhelmingly tempting curiosity from our systems. This, often, is what forms the rapists, child molesters and sadists of life.

“Don’t Think of the Pink Elephant!”

Have you ever played the “Pink Elephant” game before? The funny thing about this game is that the more you try to avoid thinking about a pink elephant, the more likely the thought is to arise in your mind. Kind of ironic isn’t it?

But this game, in essence, is the premise for a psychological phenomenon known as the “Ironic Process Theory” that states that the more you suppress a thought or thoughts, the more they will appear.

This is the same for all thoughts in daily life. And the problem lies in how we perceive them.

We are taught to perceive and judge in absolutes. The reality is: there are no absolutes of “good” or “bad” in life. However, there are decisions, choices and acts that are unwise, unkind, sadistic and cruel. But to divide life into “good” or “bad”, “righteous” or “evil” is to fragment and divide the world, stealing it of its innate wholeness. Sol wrote more about this life-changing topic here.

The conclusion is, once we change our fragmented and absolutist thinking of “good” and “bad” to more realistic qualities such as “wise” and “unwise”, “kind” and “cruel”, the sensationalism will be taken out of any act of life, and thus, these acts will lose their power.

Facing and Overcoming Your Disturbing Thoughts

When we think in the fragmented, unrealistic and absolutist terms of “good” and “bad”, it is easy for us to label ourselves as either “good people” or “bad people”.

Those of us who have dark thoughts (which by the way, is most of us) tend to harbor the deep conviction that “there is something wrong with me”, or “I am a terrible person”. Sometimes, this is even enough to prompt us to act on our thoughts and become self-fulfilling prophecies.

The reality is that having a dark or disturbing thought does not make you a “bad” or evil” person.

This can be hard to believe due to our learned way of dividing the world into a simplistic “black” or “white” perspective. But in reality, life is a vast and complex spectrum of interconnected greys.

On my shamanic journey, I learned something important: we must take responsibility for whatever we think or feel, no matter how disgusting, disgraceful, or debased it is. This is imperative.

We must take responsibility by admitting to ourselves that yes we can inflict this on someone, yes we can rape that woman, brutally murder that man, molest that child, copulate with that animal, cheat that colleague, ruin that person’s present life … but we choose not to.

We must face these thoughts, whatever they may be, and go through with them in our minds. Running from them or repressing them only increases their potency and persistence.

Not only must we take responsibility by admitting that yes we do have the power and ability to go through with our thoughts, but we must also realize why we choose not to, e.g. personal and interpersonal repercussions which aren’t hard to guess at.

There is no such thing as a “good” or “bad” person, but there is such a thing as a person with courage, or lack of courage, wisdom or stupidity, authenticity or pretension.

As I was taught on my shamanic journey, to face and accept responsibility for your darkness is the ultimate act of courage, one that allows you to heal and move past such psychological blocks that prevent you from growing in life.

***

Having dark and disturbing thoughts does not make you a horrible or worthless person. In most cases, we are attracted to the vile and atrocious things in life due to the sensationalized, absolutist way of thinking that we were taught as children.

When a person is taught “Don’t think about that!” and “Don’t push that button!” it can be compared to the Pink Elephant game, where the very act of suppressing the thought actually serves to increase its likelihood of occurring.

Shadow Work Journal:

Go on a journey through the deepest and darkest corners of your psyche. Embrace your inner demons, uncover your hidden gifts, and reach the next level of your spiritual growth. This is deep and powerful work!

In the end, we must realize that there is nothing intrinsically “good” or “bad” about having such thoughts, however, we must take responsibility for them and realize that yes, we could carry them out if we wanted to … but we choose not to for many reasons. This is really what counts.

Accepting, rather than running away from or hiding such occurrences that arise within us is the best way to heal, and find more peace as well as self-love in our lives. This is essential on the spiritual path.

At your own discretion, I would love if you could share your own thoughts and experiences with Shadow Work below.

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About Aletheia Luna

Aletheia Luna is an influential psychospiritual writer whose work has changed the lives of thousands of people worldwide. After escaping the religious sect she was raised in, Luna experienced a profound existential crisis that led to her spiritual awakening. As a spiritual counselor, diviner, and author, Luna's mission is to help others become conscious of their entrapment and find joy, empowerment, and liberation in any circumstance. [Read More]

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I’ve been wrestling my pure OCD and these dark and twisted intrusive thoughts and the urge to escape my mind is so strong that I feel a panic attack is around the corner. I’ve never felt this hopelessly insane before in my entire life…:,( I hugged my family members tightly while on the verge of tears because I love them deeply and wouldn’t do what these thoughts say. I also feel an overwhelming sense of despair and that even god himself would reject me upon learning of these thoughts. My mind honestly couldn’t get any darker at this point and the mental agony I’m experiencing is otherworldly ):

This me figuring it out in a safe environment, I fuck with peoples heads. Testing them, maybe reflecting my own fear, . my dad was a n emotional manipulator and tyrant. I’ve gone that road. I fucked a lot of prostitutes and transexual prostitutes. My biggest ignorance is that I am a racist or think racist towards black people particularly because its common, I do not want to, I would prefer ” to be”. I think I take things out on the ones who are weak or down, or insecure, because I’m insecure, I dont like accepting that I am, I’m confused I want to know if people can read my thoughts or if I can mask them . my own brain policeman, it comes into my mind and I think it and people know. I affectionately love the poor woman. I am fragile and sensitive. My anima needs me or vice versa. I masked it and now a child is coming back and being remembered through the first act of love I gave to a girl at 5, kiss and embrace, it was innocent. Im a coward basically. If one could say male or female?- unattached to form I used to say when I was more spiritually inclined

It recently occurred to me that we all have a dark side, whether we admit it or not. I have strong urges and at night turn into a horny demon. The wife wants none of that, not into sex while sleeping. I’m not sure if this is a part of the dark side but it almost feels like someone else is pleasuring me ( sex with a demon?)
I come from deeply religious background and I really can see it coming through sometimes. Particularly I will get into these moods where I can’t seem to say anything that doesn’t piss her off. Its as if I activated her darkside and they feed off each other. Most of the time I see it, and yet it feels like I’m powerless to stop it. She doesn’t want to acknowledge her let alone confront her darkside, which I think is mostly her clinically insane mother who did a number on her mind as a kid. That is highly personal though and only she can do that. I try to help her, but when we discuss certain things, like spirituality or her own darkside, she either argues and gets angry eventually, or even gets sad and cries. Especially if it is in anyway directed towards her. I just want to help, not trying to be pushy and I don’t always have a way with words. I found this very comforting to find this thread. I want to learn to confront my dark side so that I can understand myself better and stop struggling with these desires I can’t fulfill.

I wish I could have read this article when I was in my teens. I thought I was completely insane for thinking about vile and disgusting acts like the ones listed. I was deeply disturbed by them! I still have them now, thirty years later, but I don’t own them anymore. I let them float away without judgement.

Apparently I have a large shadow, thanks some of what i was reading made a lot of sense and self destruct mode is probably reason not gonna be healing my inner self just yet .Will still read more thanks

Thanks for this article that has helped greatly release some of the pressure and fear associated with certain thoughts I frequently experience.
However, my most instinctive reaction reading this would be the fear, not of my own Shadow self, but of that of others.
I mean, I can tell myself that, whichever thoughts I have, I choose not to act on them, but how am I to assume that everyone’s going to make the same choice? Especially when the news are filled with examples of people failing to make that choice?
I know it sounds silly and maybe it’s a sign of resistance to my own Shadow self to displace fear and make it about other people rather than myself, but it’s an actual daily concern of mine. Like, is this the day that someone’s going to take a rifle to work and shoot everyone? Or the day that a guy spots me on the street and decides to have a bit of fun with me?
I know I’m a tad too influenced by what I hear on TV and on the radio and so forth, but tragic events happen every day in the world and whilst I’m all for working on my own Shadow self, I’m very afraid of becoming the victim of someone who isn’t doing that…

Hello there. My name is irrelevant (such is the nature of life) but you can call me Pants or Shadow.

I have been forced lately to come to terms with an act I committed when I was younger and it affected my current life. I cried and released all that energy and I felt a lot better. Following this, I decided to stop running from myself. I am a musician and I essentially killed myself for the second time. I feel reborn in the flesh yet again, which I was not expecting to feel this life time again, and I decided to rebrand myself with the name Shadow because I want to do some shadow work but also make some productive music out of it.

My question is this: Is this a healthy way to embrace the shadow and heal? I figure if I fully embrace it as opposed to running and hiding in terror like I have the last 6 years I have more of a chance to fight back successfully. Is this thought process flawed in some manner? If so I’d like to know.

That said, I’m very at ease with the twisted thoughts that go through my head nowadays. It was just recently that I stopped judging myself for the thoughts I have sometimes. I have been telling myself “Yes, I can take my knife and stab anyone I please, but I will not do that because it harms others and Creator would not like that. I believe I am either an Earth Angel or a Lightworker because I want to just help everyone heal from their traumas and I know if I did assault someone, I would feel awful about it and I wouldn’t want to get arrested but cops are more annoying than anything to me.

Does that mean I completed my shadow work or am I fooling myself? Have I caught myself in a spiritual bypass?? I don’t know what to think and I would love and appreciate any responses.

May you all feel the Love and Light that is so lost in our repressed society these days.

Luna, Sol… Any of you enjoy sex; or even simply enjoy life, even when you know there’s people suffering… ?, i think that’s what’s been killing me, can’t enjoy ’cause my empath abilities are too high, like having sex after i just saw the weak suffering and dying hurt me, like the very pleasure of sex is bond to enjoy the suffering, enjoy by example the sacrifice of people in a war; in our timeline could it be the use of childrens to work in mines, do you think that i don’t feel GUILTY of being in my room, enjoy food and the pleasure of have cloth, a bed, heat?, i’m helping’em but instead i get the girl or at least i’m free, i couldn’t forgive myself… TRUST ME, i’m open my heart here, guys…

All what i’m saying here…

I don’t know why this happens to me, but i think is halving my abilities as a human, right now i’m only a robot, in a web i just put my name and my… “X-Men” power is reading minds, and well, i guess also being empath, reading the intentions of the people, but… if my own mind is broken ’cause guilty of the suffering and my own darkness; wich i hold by masturbating, how is possible that i didn’t commit suicide yet…

In resume… i feel like a a man kill a children, you forgive that man and he smiles at you with a dark smile… like i did a horrible thing, like i don’t deserve sex, eat food, things like that, it’s like being a corrupted empath, overcharged of suffering and the only way would it be or becoming a psycopath killer or death… why i’m feeling like this… i’m just a normal random guy who, well, have dark fantasies, but that’s all, everyone have’em…

I didn’t commit suicide ’cause there’s people that still love me…

Guys, read something like Contingency and Archangels… don’t know if is 100 % truth, but… could it be near to what’s happen to me… thoughts of kill children or commit suicide, emerge ’cause this overcharged of suffering… and well, there could be only one actress that lift me up, Antje Traue… Faora in Man of Steel…

Just… thank you guys,for, as i said before, not blame but give us a space to talk… BUT, i think i will always be… a loner wolf, the fact that find my “media naranja”, Twin Flame, LOVED HER TOO MUCH, and then… lose her… i don’t think i would even take it… and trust me, guys, i would have sex with her, very slow, kissing her in the neck, in the… lips… loving her… and finally become one with the climax…

Is a blessing that you don’t call us, like… you know, Child Killers, Monsters… people like you, Sol & Luna, that give us an space to tell our stories and how we feel without insult us is like pure heaven… if weren’t for you, i don’t know how we would end most of us… i have your book, by the way, i just acquire it by Amazon… Also… forgive my english, i’m spanish, so…

First off I want to say just found your site recently after going through some very tough times and the articles have been very insightful, thank you so much for this breath of fresh air. After reading this article and spending some time trying to explore some of my own dark and self destructive thoughts, one night I opened up to my wife about them. She did not take it well and threatened to run away and take our two kids with her with which would literally destroy me. She calmed down but now I have great fear in ever opening up to her that way again. Is it still possible to continue this healing process on my own while keeping my dark side hidden from my wife and family? Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

I have over the past year began to truly love myself- the good and the shadow parts. I have changed immensely and have learned self-compassion as well as acceptance of what is. However, I recently found out that my husband is a serial cheater. He has been lying to me over our 10 year marriage trying to subdue his shadow side. He holds it back for so long and then several times a year he goes to strip clubs, has secret phones and pursues relationships with women, gets prostitutes to suck his dick, etc. He finally came clean after I told him I only want truth in my life. I don’t judge him for it but I know he is just not at all in tune with his emotional self or the dark side of him due to shame. His intentions are always to stop, however, his lack of self-awareness and self-love prevent true change. I love him and am currently trying to help him explore the underlying parts of himself that motivate these hurtful behaviors. But I really don’t want to spend the rest of my life with a partner who desires other women because I know he can’t truly change until he does some deep work on himself. What should I do? I know that I really don’t need anyone in this life because I am whole myself. I also know that no matter how open I am with him I can never have true intimacy with him because he is not able to even know what he is feeling and certainly feels shame preventing him from being vulnerable to me. I continue to bare my soul to him as a best-friend but I know the trust is broken and cannot be truly healed until he embraces his true self. Should I wait and try to encourage him to do the work and even if he does……I don’t know if I really want to chance that he would fall back into the old patterns. Please help.

You are a beautiful soul Robbi but it is pretty obvious in this day and age that sex is just sex and love is love and those two things are becoming completely irrelevant from each other. Also, the balance between masculine and feminine energy has been becoming very unbalanced so the humans in this dimension that are males are more of a mere animal, which is why lesbians are becoming more prevalent. It’s just pretty naive to believe or want a man to only want you. Of course not all men are incapable of only desiring one woman, but the majority are. The more you want them to only want you, the more they want others. I have the deepest love and compassion for all beings and speak not from a place of judgement, but from a place of higher understanding. Men always drop their jaws in amazement because I know all of this yet don’t judge and literally do not care because I am simply not interested in or attracted to humans like that. Those are the same mere animals that end up wanting to get married and make me their “one” so if I can give any helpful advice, it’s that it is true what people say about men want what they can’t have. That seems to be their nature but I can’t say it’s 100% sure. You can try and continue to show that you understand and are ready and willing to move on and live the life that serves your higher self, and that will most likely not involve one of these humans that I speak of, man, and see if he realizes that you do not actually need him and are a complete being without him. It may just balance out his overpowering masculine energy and correct some of that behavior. But I genuinely do not have any desire to get involved with one of these mere animals, as I say, and so that may just be why I attract them only to have them denounce that mere animalness of their selves upon discovering that I have higher understanding and most importantly, do not need or want them period.
Life is funny and an infinite list of other words but it really is funny.

You will see once this is all passed and you’ve healed.
Dearest soul, I put the energy and intention out into the Universe for you to heal and live your life for your higher self.

I want to fuck a whore but never have. I have booked to fuck one tomorrow and I want to act on it. I want to be selfish and know I have not repressed this dark thought…she is really pretty and I am sure it will be mind blowing…what to do?

You’re free to do what you like, I have nothing against prostitution so long as it is ethical and the woman/men willingly accept such a role. My only concern is your use of “whore.” I recommend that you explore your relationship to sex and women first before you act out your pleasures, otherwise you’re basically turning such a practice into spiritual hedonism and not benefiting in any real, deep way.

The more difficult thing is that i almost always feel responsible for the death & suffering of the world… creating me anxiety and become blocked ’cause is like my mind is against me, and in the end i just have to masturbate with dark thoughts and enjoying the suffering & deaths of the people, if not… i would shoot myself without any doubt, or ended doing TRULY bad things to other people… AGAIN, thank you for not insult to people that suffers this problems, THANK YOU.

PD: Is like i’m the sweetest person in this planet but when there’s suffering and death i just blocked myself like i enter in a cage but in my case is in my room, to listen music until this problem solve alone or masturbate…

I could slice the throat of someone with a knife, if, as i said, someone insult me if i HAVE TO say how are my dark fantasies. As a warning i would say that you don’t f*ckin’ care how are my Dark Fantasies…

I say. Sorry… but people like you, Sol & Luna that don’t insult but give a place to say how are our in & out without insulting or treat like garbage, like a kill a baby… It’s a miracle…

How are our dark fantasies… THAT’S OUR LAST TABOO, the one that if we would say it in public we would treated like baby killers… like we should be in a f*kin’ mentally asylum… that’s why i just react in such way in the last message… or use a fake name… again, sorry… and, yeah… I HATE MYSELF when i just masturbate to become free of bad thoughts…

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About Us

Walk the path less traveled

Our names are Aletheia Luna and Mateo Sol and we currently live in Perth, Western Australia.

Our mission is to help others embrace the path of the lone wolf and listen to the soul’s calling. Our goal is to provide a grounded and balanced perspective of spirituality that doesn’t bypass the raw, real, and messy aspects of spiritual growth or psychological development.

We are deeply drawn to exploring and exposing both the light and shadow side of human nature and spirituality. We strive towards integration, balance, wholeness, and embracing both the sacred and wild aspects of being human. Read more.