Thursday, December 31, 2009

Cancer

Thursday, December 31, 2009: Today's Lunar Eclipse in your sign can reveal unresolved tension in a relationship. You might have thought that everything was copacetic, only to discover that a significant issue has been swept under the rug. Unfortunately, the conflict may not be quickly resolved. You'll need to take enough time to straighten it out now or it'll just resurface again and again until you do.

Pisces

Thursday, December 31, 2009: You want to explore new ways of enjoying yourself as today's Lunar Eclipse illuminates your 5th House of Self-Expression. Still, you may be hesitant to say anything about it to anyone else. Naturally, you are concerned about what others think and you want them to approve of what you are doing, but now you're going to have to take a risk all by yourself.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Cancer

Saturday, December 26, 2009: It's hard to decipher what someone is saying today because the words don't seem to correspond to what you thought you already knew. You are tempted to draw new conclusions based on what you learn, but it's a smarter idea to continue gathering information without trying to arrive at a final answer. Instead of pushing for closure now, work at becoming more comfortable with the unknown.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Last Saturday was the second time i watched movie at the cinema this year and it was awesome i tell you. I don't know why the trailer was so poor. My eyes didn't blink for the whole 3 hours you know, and the way the movie injected you emotionally will leave you breathless. I wish i watched it with "someone"...i mean seriously...phhhfff...oh well............... The CGI were pupils popping and the way it blended with the live shot were flawless. The story were good, i mean it felt complete even tho some of the plot were predictable but still there were twists and a lot of epic moment in there. I watched it with my 6 eyes i tell you, the 3d glasses added icing on my pupils! 8)

I want a blue gf! or maybe "the chopper pilot babe with shade" omg! ;)

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Today i had futsal after 6 months of growing buttock. I scored hat-trickkot and all of them were long range angled shot........pricless. x)

My right leg got cramps though at the last minutes....sakit sioot...hahahaha

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Last Saturday was awesome, Phlox performed for Tonight unplug in Manys Cafe, Wangsa Maju. Me and my bro met them at the curve before hanging out at studio shop space and watched the Asian Biggest Loser. Shenaz and Hakim had this really funny and stupid argument about the soft pink hair dude from the tv show and the argument were dragged until the time they were going to perform, I mean it turned big but u know, standard la gaduh-gaduh ni sometime. Nasib baik mase perform takde ape-ape.

There were hot chicks in almost every corner btw...phhff....you jealous? ;D

Remind me of someone, obviously ;)

huh! buddifly! xD

We went back to the studio after watching football. I had my shot with the fender. I covered almost every song that I know in the jamming room. I'm getting good with 'Secret Door' btw but some of the lyric were so mouthful. I love the mic, it sound good no matter how you sing it. So ape lagi!

A phone call from my dad break the possession and then i looked at the watch and it was 8 am!!...perrghh it doesn't felt that long in the room. Hakim told me as if I dah kene rasuk hantu because everyone were sleeping...pphhff... We went back soon after because i had to take pictures for this majlis kekah and cukur jambul for this one cucu tan seri at 10, i got pain in my shoulder, me no sleep...tired :(

Saturday, December 5, 2009

look dude. i never liked u as in like u. i never did right from the start.

There were tons of nastier line that i can never put in here. i don't know what she were thinking when she wrote those but i guess the heart want what the heart want and i'm not what her heart want at the time. i don't know why i'm reading it all back and i don't know what i'm feeling right now after reading it all again. It made me feel as i'm distracting her from her main intention that she had from the past that may cause her to regrets in the future. i can't even be her friend to settle things down after that blow. It made me felt sick to the guts babe...

I don't know why i keep talking about the past when i know things are different now. I guess it is the way to let it all go. I just want you to know it was painful and that's why i keep bragging and bragging and i hope you understand. I guess this game will not end anytime soon but you should always know that i was into you right from the start...

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Take the road on your wheelchairRoll it out tonight!Cause there's only one option for us right nowOne of us got to get downIf you don't hear my call for helpYou're in another world boy!I've lost my faith in the pure, blue skied summertime

I've been lying awake at night thinkingThat son of a fuck dragged me down and now I'm lostCan you help me find my long way back home?The traffic lights are even dimmer then my pastGive me a sign, some kind of religion, Allah, BuddhaI don't care, I don't dare to choose one sign, one heart, one feeling, one God

Coz it's one blood floating in the streamIt's one blood floating in the stream...

Every day that goes I need more and more people around mePeople I can rely toNot those fucking sellouts I read about in the papersWhose only hope are equally dumb consumersI'm up on that stage, I'm up here, you're down thereDoes that make me more important? More intelligent?More likely to live that happy standard life your parents set you out to?

I don't know- You're in a position most kids dream ofI don't know- You can be as weak as the man sleeping on newspapersI don't know- You're still set out to tell the dirty man's storyI don't know- Other people are talking and thinking about you as we speakBut I've seen them out there as well- Yeah, but you don't know them do you!?No but they don't know me either- Well, they think they do!They think they do!THEY THINK THEY DO!!!

So what do I need to get through the day?- ONE BLOOD!What do I need to break on through the night?- ONE HEART!What do I do to get along with these, these fools?- ONE SOUL!Why don't I just go back to the steal factory? Or the warehouse?Or the railroad? Get the fuck out of here, get the fuck out of music,back to the days when we had one heart, one brain, one soul, one God

Coz it's one blood floating in the streamIt's one blood floating in the streamCoz it's one blood floating in the streamIt's one blood floating in the streamCoz it's one blood floating in the streamIt's one blood floating in the stream

I'm sorry about this, it felt so sick inside and i had to vomit it all out...

So i guess now its all connected. I was truly blinded.

Now i know why you act the way you act. My first guess was right it was as it is. Its not as you were merajuk or such. It was for real, you act like that and you meant it that way.

There is a reason why i saw all the part and eventually solve it out.

You ignore me for the first week because you were actually on with the guy. Unfortunately i made a stupid mistake by removing you from a friend list for a teaser and you had a breakthrough. You said things happen for a reason straight away to show that it was my fault that you are being that way and off you go. One month of ignorance without any compassion shows the greed and betray. Not to mention the hurtful message that you wrote to me, you said that I'm nobody and you said you are with someone else which you are and also the post you made in your blog with the mocking up etc. I doubt you were merajuk, its too much. You want to get rid of me so you can get your dream. The saddest thing was your art piece. I really thought you made it for me, its the reason why I'm still here. I even did a cover of the song...heh. I was too blind even though my instinct told me the real thing at my first sight. The guy were also in my friend list so you know how i found out. The artwork was obviously to impress him base on his previous comment. The symbol and such, no doubt. You love him don't you? I know you do. I'm nothing compare to him.

So time pass and suddenly you discover that the guy already got his own and now you regret and start to chase me back again. The date of the piece and post and such makes it too obvious, i can see the time-line in my mind so clearly. You start to write about me again in your blog after you find out about his status and it was cleverly written that only myself know about it. Coax and coax and coax with related music and some tease and you are such a coward for not admitting it. Yeah you are a p*ssy anyway...

I wish i don't have the capacity to solve it but unfortunately its not to my favor and i wish i would let it remain as a mystery but now I can't stop thinking about it again and again and again...and i can't stop painting your darker character in my mind...

Not to mention how you made me piss all the time.

You know who you are bitch. I was too blind, I don't want to see you effing face ever again. I'm honestly saying its over. I got no reason to love in the first place but...

A lesson you got to learn. If you get rid of a person for the sake of your dream, that mean you don't deserve that person, and don't you ever look back because you never deserve that person.

You don't belong here. Shhoosshh sshoosshh..

...wait...wait...

The only way for you to fix this is to prove my assumption is wrong...

Please prove me wrong...hun because i can't stop thinking about it. It made me feel sick...

I will wait after its all over though and please tell me every single thing....

.....or maybe i should forget it all because i'm myself not perfect...

Friday, November 20, 2009

I don't know, my mind will keep calculating the unsolved matter even thought if it was like six month ago. Have you ever fall for a person who were unfortunately also start to fall for another person? She gave you hint and stuff to show you that she was interested and you start to had feeling with her but then she suddenly change for a reason, a reason that you know but she wouldn't admit. What makes things worse was the sudden manner. It was like "Fuck you, i don't like you, i had nothing to do with you, I fancy this new guy, go to hell", mocked you with her friends and then she ignore you like tungol and the only way to communicate with her is like this and a couple of days earlier she was actually like "Woaw, bile nak belanje ice-cream?" with ;) and "more".

Oh maann...only god knows the pain. She hate me so much for admitting my feeling just when her heart with others and perhaps because i remove her from FB and myspace with a "fuck u" soon after which i think she glad because I was the one who was holding her back. If i recall back the moment, it was like one of the worst moment in my entire life period, just in front of my 10 Gb hardisk kabooom! moment.

It get even worse when you actually know what was going on. For example "que pensez-vous?".I think she look back just because she find out that the guy was already owned and at the same time you learn that you were not the "it" guy for her which you are not because if you are, she wouldn't treat you macam anjing which she did and even worse she also painted you as an ugly dog saying "NARF". Now, how would you feel when the person you care so much and you think she felt the same way suddenly treat you that way? The most painful thing that a person can ever say when the other were like "oblivion" : The heart want what the heart want. .......WTF?? :(

I might be wrong in some part but its not my fault to assume what i assume...

I got only few reason to love her but endless reason to HATE her and the most unfair thing is that i still love this girl, and i love to love her which i hate myself and i can't control it...FUUUCCCKKKKK!!!!

ccccooooommmeeeooonnn!! open your heart man!!! the more i try to to move on the more it struck...

There was this one time that i truly move on but the bitch call me back for a weird reason....f*cking fickle a*shole...

She is the most coward, weird, manipulative, ego, mean, childish, selfish, opportunist and pathetic girl that i had ever known, FACT.

...and i don't know why the hell i'm feeling what i am feeling. Being with her is the best thing ever....

I guess i'm not worthy enough for her to admit with my current standard. Let it be as it is, i guess i'm fine this way, really. To be honest i'm still not ready, maybe another ten years till i truly get my self esteem and by that time she will be on my knee begging for mercy ...bwhahahahaahahahahahha (macam sialann xD)

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Done, so i sum up this semester under performance as 'JIWA KACAU'. I think this year is the year that break my routine. It's so different than the last three years. Emotionally as I'm riding a never ending roller-coaster ride. I kinda spend most of my time on my own for the last 6 month and not in the mood for socializing. I guess i should move to my friend's 'rumah sewa' for the next semester which is my final year, I don't know...

I finally get my haircut after a year...bwahahahah xD

Not a very happy face ain't it? :P ...or maybe control macho kot?? ;D

I had to get it because of the exam. The philosophy paper was alright even though i start studying at 1 am until the test. Never ever do that okey....i mean, if you got the time ;P

I was bored so i check my cancer if it match my situation....so i guess, SPOT ON.

Saturday, November 14, 2009:Normally, you're someone who might pass by an opportunity for an emotional thrill if you believe that it will destabilize your life. But today, you are tempted to choose to ignite the fireworks, even if there's a chance of getting burned. Fortunately, the risk is not as great as it may seem, so give yourself permission now to do something enjoyable that's outside of your regular comfort zone.

Sunday, November 15, 2009:Family responsibilities cannot be avoided now, even if your role is undergoing dramatic changes. You are taking yourself pretty seriously these days, yet something may happen today that lightens your load and brightens your heart. Unexplored possibilities are being presented to you, but this still doesn't free you from previous obligations. Instead of wasting time worrying about what you should or shouldn't do, just express what's in your heart.

Monday, November 9, 2009

...again and again and again andagain and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Humbug is so parallel to me and the timing it release is just perfect for the situation and condition that I'm having. The lyric is just spot on....not to mention their approach and enhancement to their previous effort. It's just pure genius....

Guys are aiming for you and i guess game over then. The more i hold on, the more i would get hurt. I think they suited you more anyway, especially "the jedi". It's obvious that he obsessed with you already. Not to mention the charm and the humor and "Shina Ringo".... .....focktard...

Yeah, I'm the last think you want and i came in first ...so what? too bad I misread your sign and gesture.

Something about you which made me felt sucky and not at home. Insecure of myself. You are a mistake, and the only one to blame is myself. I don't know why i keep chasing you even though you said "fock off" since day one. I guess I'm not used to being reject...heh....the make believe....i'm pathetic...

I don't feel at home...

and I'm naturally don't like to compete in this matter...

i hope you don't break other stupid guys heart out there as myself and think its funny...

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

.I heard the truth was built to bend,A mechanism to suspend the guilt ,Is what you are requiring still,You've got to dance little liar,

Just like those fibs to pop and fizz,And you'll be forced to take that awful quiz,And you're bound to trip,And she'll detect the fiction on,Your lips and dig a contradiction up,

And the clean coming will hurt,And you can never get it spotless,When there's dirt beneath the dirt,The liar take a lot less time,

I'm sure its clear and plain to me,Its not an alibi you need just yet,Oh no its something for those beads of sweat,Yes that we'll get you back to normal,

And after you have dabbed the patch you’ll grieve,And then proceed to scratch the varnish off,That newly added calmness,So as not to raise any alarms too soon,

And the clean coming will hurt,And you can never get it spotless,When there's dirt beneath the dirt,

The liar takes a lot less,Time to decide on his saunter,Have you got itchy bones?And in all your time alone,Can you hack your mind being riddled,with the wrong memories?And the clean coming will hurt,And you can never get it spotless,When there's dirt between the dirt.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

In a way, I think prank is a good thing because you think you lost everything but then when the hope are lost and you felt so low suddenly you realize it was just an act and you gain even more. It's the best feeling you can ever had. To had mention that, I think prank are also risky because you can't really predict the outcome and it might get worse than what you intended, out of control and give harms which happened. The fun bit is when you can see how the victim react in their true nature and feeling in the scenario you created. Its great....it leave me breathless and all i can do was smiillleeee..and amaze how she can handle it with flair ....and then when she get so sentimental, desperate, adorable and cute, you cave in...alolololololo.... ;) ....hahahaha...

BUT THHENN!!!

Then, the game restart and you are back to her monster mind game to her favor because of your compassionate nature. ..damn I'm weak :(

This one is slightly different to yours, what if the game is for one whole year? You were teased and then she gave you some mild hint which were so slight but so important to you and when you solve some bit of it, she wouldn't ever admit it. The only person who know about it are between you and her. You were lied and swore by the person, who you care so much and you know they were just teasing you and she also said you were delusional and nuts to her friend to add icing on her acting. Yeah its cute and funny but don't you think people would feel annoyed? gutted? bullied? mocked? hopeless? agitated? when you are treated as such for so long? and i don't even know how to act in the condition and your emotion are so fucked up....and you are pissed....but at the same time amazed and sappy....paranoid and then pissed again......arrrgggghhh

People don't believe you....and you are on your own with the truth that hard to prove.

...and then I start doing out of the box approach, take risk and go for the blow to stir her game up...but still, she hold the it firm, she can just be silent because she is the matter....hadddoooii -_-'

I don't know what to do but I love every bit of it though, you are awesome you know....but I'm jaded...

What if I will never see you again after these months of struggling? how would you feel about the things that we might had if you are not too late? what if you at least give it a shot? What if we call it a null? I guess i got the answer because you already answered it in my last act xD

btw I still remember the time when she said she weren't going to a party that we have dated at the very last minute and I still remember the gutted and disappointed feeling that i had. The desperation.....and then suddenly she was there!!! she gave me the so called sucker punch to my arm....and then i ask her to punch again because i want to feel her soft touch......i love it........bwhahhahahhahha!!

For now, I will just wait untill she finish her Big E and then....we'll see if it just a game or for real.....