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We've slugged the last of our too-sweet "heartthrob" martini and paid our $125 prix-fixe, three-course restaurant tab. And so, in a lovelorn haze, we turn our lonely eyes to Chowhound to get the lowdown on Boston restaurants that exude misery. Places you wouldn't even take someone you're trying to dump. Our favorite snippets from that cold formica table of longing, straight ahead.

Hi-Fi Pizza maintains a curious foothold in Boston's dating landscape. It's a horrible place to take a date unless you're drunk out of your mind, in which case it's a bouquet of possibilities. Indeed, one sensuous adventurer notes, it's a worthy pit-stop in between the "after party and going home with someone who may or not be the world's greatest idea." Pepperoni: disappointment's best cushion.

Meanwhile, at Watertown's Old Country Buffet, it's dinner and a show. Watch in amazement as diners thrust "dinner plates under a soft-serve ice cream machine." Nothing makes us want to commit quite like watching our beloved impersonate a stoned college student. That is, unless our beloved is a stoned college student.

A few miles away at Mitti's in Brighton, the soundtrack isn't jazz but heaving. Expect to find a a "BU undergrad booting under the table two booths away." But it doesn't hold a candle to the horrors of Yum Mee, an "incredibly grim" Chinese takeout on Tremont Street that makes us scream "Definitely not you!"

It was hard to focus on your date's perfume at now-closed Snappy Sushi on Boylston, where the air reeked of chlorine; the scent of chlorine, however, is better than being "awash in waves of despair," which is the plight of Medina Market on Brighton Avenue.

The "right kind of woman" might be charmed by the atmosphere at Eastie's Santarpio's; at Minado, the "right kind of woman" is large, as often "there's an influx of gigantic people shoving people out of the way to load up their plate with crab legs."