Marcia Neave, head of the Royal Commission into Family Violence. Photo: Eddie Jim

Christmas holidays are a time of year when stress exacerbates violence that already exists in relationships, says Safe Steps head Annette Gillespie.

Families come together, or access arrangements mean children have to spend time with perpetrators.

People are under financial pressure and drink more alcohol. Yet some women don't make the call for help until after the holiday period is finished.

"They will want Christmas to be OK for their children, and that can mean they leave it longer because there's a social expectation about holding the family together," says Gillespie.

So in mid-January, when perpetrators have gone back to work, victims feel they can make the call safely.

The service is always busy. Safe Steps took about 57,000 calls this year and provided emergency accommodation to 16,000 people.

And phone counsellors notice an increase in calls when a woman is killed by a partner or ex-partner, or when the issue is prominent in the media.

For example, Australian of the Year Rosie Batty recently spoke in the Victorian Parliament, and the service took more than 420 calls the following day.

For bystanders or friends, it can be confronting to see family violence and be reminded it happens in every street, every neighbourhood, says Gillespie.

Calling 000 is the best response in an emergency, but the reality is many victims are unwilling to take this step. About 60 per cent of women who make contact with Safe Steps have never made contact with the police.

Unlike some family violence services, Safe Steps don't insist women report to police before they access the service. Reporting violence can mean increased risk for the victim.

When women say they are experiencing violence, they need to be believed, says Gillespie. "Women are told 'That can't be possible, he's a great guy. I'm sure it's not as bad as you think'."

Karine* is working the triage phone shift and takes a call from a woman who has been bounced between services. She sounds exhausted. Karine books her in for a one-hour phone assessment, to try and tease out her experience.

For many women it is the first time they have ever disclosed what is happening and they unconsciously minimise it, says Karine. "He doesn't hurt me that much".

"We need to work out at immediate risk. If they leave do they have somewhere else to stay? If they leave are they worried he will come and look for them?" she says.

Significant days in the year – Christmas Day, Father's Day, birthdays – are used by separated perpetrators to inflame acrimony, says Berry Street family violence manager Gayle Correnti.

"The pretext will be organising time to see children, but really it's about the opportunity to keep that control. For women, leaving doesn't mean these behaviours stop," she says.

Last December and January Berry Street received 1550 referrals from police, above their average of 700 a month.

Berry Street has produced a video and, together with Women's Health West, a set of family violence resources, in recognition of the fact that domestic violence spikes at Christmas.