Monday, September 5, 2011

THE BANK opened December of 2008 and right from the start YOU embraced us.We wanted to take this opportunity to look back at a some of what we have accomplished together and to thank you for all YOU have done.

You have made THE BANK one of only a small handful of places to spend your nights and we could not be more appreciative.

We gambled on the premise that you wanted a little bit more from your “nights out”…and boy did YOU!!

Together we have change nightlife in Barrie and in the process added some much needed words to the Barrie vernacular.

Guest Lists:Since our opening, multiple bars have finally woken to the fact that our nights are special and important.That we actually like to “plan” these nights in advance and there is a better way than lining and stacking us like bewildered cattle roaming Dunlop.

Bottle Service:We were told this would never work in Barrie.That Barrie wasn’t Toronto.That Barrie wasn’t “sophisticated” enough.Together we proved the naysayers dead wrong.“Line by-pass” and “FREE Cover” are the spoils of this victory and Barrie is absolutely “sophisticated” enough.Did they think north of Toronto was rural Alabama?

Rooftop Patio:We were told this wasn’t feasible.That “walls of glass” and “ipe wood” was too costly and impractical.That Barrie was fine with pressure treated wood boxes and free plastic furniture provided by Beer Sponsors.Well you made SKYBANK the best Patio in Barrie as voted two years in a row (Barrie Advance).Next time you go to another patio that is a little nicer nowadays, pat yourself on the back.What we did here made everyone sit up and take notice.Love getting noticed.

Dignity:Remember the vomit and urine drenched floors of the bathrooms other places used to subject us to as if we were caged in a shoddy Animal Shelter?Well no more.Look around at the bars downtown and most (if not all) have proper facilities finally affording us some dignity.In most cases we have overturned decades of neglect, abuse and being taken for granted.Pant cuffs have never been happier.

Courtesy:When we first provided an awning to cover our valued customers waiting in line because we didn’t want them standing in a downpour, other bars took notice and now provide this simple accommodation.“Bar Hair” has been saved!

Style Code:For as long as we can remember we would see our nights out being degraded by those who didn’t have the decency to put even the tiniest of efforts into appearance.Together we have shown Barrie that is not how we wish to spend our nights.The Jersey Shore look is a whole other problem ;)

Photo Albums:Together we have created over 32,000 pictures capturing YOU and your special night out!Now you’ll find a photographer in most bars.We did that.Together we surely did…of course we are partial to our B Click ;)

Today we would like to thank all of YOU for ALL we have done together.On behalf of all of us at THE BANK and including each and every one of our fantastic staff we wanted to take this opportunity to let you know how humble and most grateful we are to YOU.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

“When the US sneezes, Canada gets a cold”.This cautionary adage is all too true and why we are going to visit the problems to our Southern Border once again.

The US raised its debt ceiling for the 75th time in 50 years, however this statement would lead you to believe it is business as usual, so why all the fuss??

The problem is not “how many”, the problem is “how much”.

Before getting started we must state we care nothing about Democrat vs Republican.Both parties are to blame as well as the Media and the American public.No one is absolved and everyone is complicit. They all had their roles in “Charlie Sheen and the Cocaine Factory”.

Here we go!

The cumulative budget deficits of the US reached $1T by 1980.That is all their annual budget shortfalls combined.Btw $1Trillion is enough money to give every household in American $15,000.

From 1980 to 1995 it had climbed to $5T, an average gain of $0.25T per year.

From 1995 to 2005, it had increased another $3T, an average gain of $0.3T per year.

However in the past 6 years it has increased $6.5T, an average gain of $1.1T per year!Furthermore last year they dug a ditch to the tune of $1.6T and this year the smart money is saying $2T.

Meaning the average American household will go into debt another $8.5T in 7 years!When the movie “Wedding Crashers” came out they owed $120,000 and come this Xmas they will owe $250,000.

Hallmark should be printing cards that say “How did you possibly think you could pay for all this shit?! Merry Christmas -You’re Fucked”

The average American household only earns $50,000 per year before taxes.Do you think they can square a bill that is climbing by $30,000 per year?

How fucked are the Americans?Their “10 year Forecast” (that is 10 years in a row of making up shit like GDP and Inflation to suit their needs) shows the deficit will balloon to $30T ($450,000 per household).

They can’t even fake getting out of this debacle in a decade when they are making the shit up!These are the same people that didn’t see the crash in 2008 coming so let's not pretend they can prognosticate like Nostrodamus.

You can bet the reality would be much, much worse than $30T, luckily the end will come sooner than their forecast.

Politicians to the rescue!Did I say “to the rescue”?I meant “to the TV’s to lie”!

Bringing us to the deal reached to raise the debt ceiling:Cut $2.1T over the next 10 years.

Funny how they say “cut”.They continue to rack up huge deficits every year of the forecast.The “cut” is only a disgustingly lame attempt to lessen how huge.

And how much did these preening monkeys “cut” in the next year (the only time period this Congress and President are assured of being at the helm)?

$0.028T or $28B.

To put that another way…They agreed to a 0.8% “cut” to the budget ($3.9T) in 2012.Not even a single percentage point!That is a “Need a Penny” Cup territory.So instead of spending $3,900,000,000,000, they are going to try and spend..... $3,872,000,000,000. Which is still an INCREASE over this year btw.Please tell us this is a joke.

Unfortunately…no.No, they are not joking.

This deal doesn’t even get to the meat of their feeble so-called cuts until 2016 when 70% of the $2.1T kicks in.

This is officially insanity.

But what the hell, the US has $60T+ in unfunded liabilities thanks to Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid, what’s another few Trillion more added to the grotesque debt pile.

You know how Americans accept that the 30 year olds of today that are paying into Social Security won’t be getting it?Well guess what…neither will the Baby Boomers.That’s right.The real shocker is this Ponzi scheme won’t even last long enough for them.

The inevitable downgrade of the US Credit Rating by Standard’s and Poors is not surprising, unless you are surprised by how long it has taken and how minimal it is.This is only the “tip of the Iceberg” and the “USS America” is going down.

The US is unsustainable.All levels of Governments are nearing the end.The curtain hiding the mighty Wizard of Oz still has not been fully pulled back by the world to reveal the feeble old man with the shameful levers and pulleys.

The Emperor is wearing no clothes and we are nearing the time his frost bitten ass will affirm this fact.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

What is the average number of sexual partners for a 25 year old?Well that depends on who you are asking of course.

I was sitting around with a large group of guys in their 20’s and this question popped up.Before gleaning the proper estimate, they added the wrinkle that this “average” person was of the somewhat good looking and popular nature to create a stable sampling.No bookish types messing the numbers up.

After a bit of back and forth they came up with this:Guys 20-25.Girls4-7.

I asked “Since the numbers aren’t balanced then are these guys sleeping with their parent’s friends or other guys?”

This started a melee that I will save you the tedium of but essentially what we have on display is hubris, or to put it another way...the male ego.Guys want their numbers high and they want to believe a girl’s are low.

What I tried to explain, mostly in vain, was the numbers have to be the same for both genders.The ledger has to balance.The only way to skew guys so much higher would be if the vast majority of his sex was with girls that were 26+ years old “at the time of the encounter”.

The average good looking 25 year old guy has been having sex for roughly a decade and chances are most of that sex has been with girls well under the age of 26 at that time.If he lost his virginity at 16, chances are she was 16.If he got laid at Prom, he probably wasn’t taking a 27 year old.

Every time a guy has sex, it counts for him and her.“Tick” on his side of the ledger.“Tick” on her side of the ledger.

At this point most of my twenty-something friends were looking at me as if they had paws and I was wailing on a Dog Whistle.

Finally one proffered this nugget. “A minority of slutty girls are putting up big numbers and affecting the average.”

Really?

Let’s say there were two girls called “Rosie Rotten-Crotch” and “Suzy Nice-n-Tight” and they were banging the world and cranked up numbers of 100+ each.A guy can bang them both all he wants but it still only counts for 2 on his side of the ledger.He still has to go out and bang another 20 freshies to get in the proposed range.And those 20 “hits”, if they are roughly his age, will have to count on all those “nice girl” ledgers.

Averages are averages and the math doesn’t lie.

So where does this leave us and what is the truth?My guess is there is a little fibbing going on, on both sides.

To bring the guys numbers down or a girls up, you would have to rule on “Just the Tip”.Guys count it and girls usually don’t.Guys also have a tendency toward “Fish Stories”.You don’t see women in a bar regaling people with a story that has the line “It was 10 feet long if it was a foot”.

Now when it comes to malfeasance girls have us guys licked.For they know most guys covet a virginal girl so they fight like hell to keep that number down. They accomplish this by playing the "It Doesn't Count Game".

For example; “It was on vacation”, “I was drunk”, “He was drunk”, “It wasn’t long enough” (that can be used two different ways of course). “I don’t remember”, “It was hate sex”, “It was pity sex”, “My bf pissed me off that day”, "I didn't get off", "He didn't get off", "Justin Timberlake promised it'd be our secret" and the list goes on and on.

The end result is guys count everything and then some, while girls have a more selective memory.

So instead of worrying about the fact that girls are having exactly as much sex as you fellas, try and enjoy the sex you are having ;)