Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Open Letter from Pitt to ACC

Blawnox - Dear ACC Members,

We want to thank you for accepting us into your conference. We're going to be honest up front and throughout. But let's just say, you saved us. You saved us from hell. We know it, we thank you, we always wanted to be here, it's the best fit for us, we could not be happier.

It's not to say we don't add value. We hope you think we do. But to be clear, we want to thank you. Pitt is not WVU, or Louisville, or UConn, or some others you may have danced with. We're a little different - we put academia and teaching first. That hurts us on the field at times. We know it. We're not Ohio State, or USC. We really don't want to be them, honestly. Obviously, in a way we REALLY do. But not in our heart of hearts. We'd rather lose in a fun game, and get along with our competitors if the alternative is to lie, cheat and steal in a win anyway possible, NCAA-2011 type of way. We know you understand these thoughts.

However, we're a little bit "in your face type of folks". Not like SEC people or anything. We just want you to know where our heads are coming in to this thing. A little feedback, if you will. So let's go down the list, in no particular order.

1. University of Maryland: Let's start easy. We know you, even though, for some reason, we never play in any sports. You and I are pretty much the same in all ways, except for your weird obsession with Lacrosse. Very good school, very good research, very good basketball. The only thing we don't understand is why the entire state could care less about college football. I mean, no one, anywhere. That's ok. Frankly, we like you. We always have. If this was a guy-girl situation, we'd marry you and be happy forever.

2. University of Virginia: You seem like the son of the rich lawyer up the street who will never BE a rich lawyer. That's ok, since you don't really act as if you're better than others. You just seem to be into your own thing. That's cool. Not really known for football or basketball. Or really anything except for Thomas Jefferson. Just into being a good school who wears goofy outfits to football games. There's nothing wrong with that. Seriously, no one could hate you as you're a good guy. But no one really loves you either. Think about that.

3. Virginia Tech: You're like the ugly girl in middle school who lost some weight and got a nose job, now acts as if she's been the perennial Homecoming queen. You just don't have any sense about you. And we beat you...in your best years...badly. Get it together. We're being friends here. Everyone is starting to hate you, when we all used to like you a lot.

4. Duke: We've never met a Duke alum we didn't like. We never met a Duke fan, non-alum, we did like. Who knows how this happens. Do we blame you? Sort of. Being perfectly open and honest, you are a little uppity and douchey. You aren't over the top though, and we respect that. But just be on-notice that you're pushing it. Big time. Don't get one more step douchey or we have to take action.

5. Boston College: Fuck you. Seriously, fuck you. You're assholes. Always have been, always will be. Why are you in a conference that pushes basketball, lacrosse, and baseball, when all you give two craps about is the Bean Pot Trophy? Seriously, people in Boston don't even like you. They'd root for Northeastern to beat you in football if you were 11-0 and headed to a sure-win BCS Championship game. Literally, no one likes you. Never. We ALL believe you are pedophiles who eat feces.

6. University of North Carolina: Please, let me thank you for all you've done. We know it was you who reached out and got this all done. We don't bite the hand that feeds. We've always respected you. Heck, UNC is the secondary college basketball team in Pennsylvania. We like your style, even though you live in a town with a foofy name. No matter - we know you mean well. You're willing to fire a very successful football coach because he compromised your integrity; that fits us just right. Keep on doing what you do, UNC. We've always liked you, big time.

7. North Carolina State University: We hate to admit it, but you remind us of us. Only worse. You pretty much screw up anything you can touch, just like us. You screw up Olympic sports, you screw up basketball, you screw up football. Beyond us, you screw up research and academics, when you live in the ####ing RESEARCH TRIANGLE!!!! We'd ask, "WTF?," but then again, we'd have to answer the same question. So we're happy to just wink at you and say hello in the hallway but just keep walking. Let's just pretend we don't know each other so as others won't notice how dysfunctional we are.

8. Wake Forest: We don't know you. No one does. No one cares either. I hate to be cruel, but the world just doesn't give two shits about Wake Forest. It's one of the "extremely expensive for no good reason" private Universities. If you're going to pay that much, go to Harvard or Yale. Oh, that's right, you couldn't get in there. You were just sort of dumb but dad was rich, so you went to some dumbass school in tobacco land and acted as if your shit doesn't stink. Well, it does. And you're dumb. And your school sucks. And your team sucks. I know this sounds really mean and rude. But I have to be honest - you're annoying. Decent people = yes. But who pays $50K+ per year to go to Wake Forest? Come on.

9. Georgia Tech: You're alright with us. Pitt has no beef with the good people of Atlanta. Now Univ of Georgia? yeah, they suck. We know you know that. We know you know how it feels to be the city school with the smarter and more socially adept kids who lose out in popularity to the big state school out in the country full of bumpkins and retards. We get it. We know your pain. You are the southern version of us, except we have uglier chics. Not by far though. Georgia Tech: you are our blood brothers. Call if you need us, and you know we're there.

10. Florida State University: Pitt has some affection for you. Always has. However, if we're being honest, you need to get over yourselves. The fact is, you had an incredible run under Bowden. Incredible! His run of success and consistency may never be matched. But we, and the nation, are sick of hearing how Jimbo is great, and you're right back on track. You're not. And face facts: you may never be again. Trust us - this stuff has a way of fizzling. Don't want to believe it? Go look at our history when it seemed impossible for us to screw up. But you think you're smarter than us, right? Ok. Just tell us when you win the conference again. We know you believe it's yours to lose every year. What we're saying is, it's not going to happen. Hear us now, believe us later. Oh, and your school sucks academically. Get that shit together because UCF and USF are lapping you. It's embarrassing.

11. Clemson University: You're the rednecks of the ACC. It sounds as if that's bad and I'm going down a negative line but let me stop you right there. We're from Pennsylvania - we ALL have family and friends like you. And truth be told, we love those guys. I mean, LOVE those guys. They chew snuff at work, they drive forklifts, they own junkyards. Whatever - it's all good. We'll never admit it to high society but we love watching games with those guys. We make it a point to find them at the family Christmas party because we know who brought the booze. You're all good with us. All cards on the table: you may be the one school in the country we never had a beef with. AND you have really hot chics, who are slutty. You guys are awesome.

12. University of Miami: You guys are straight trash. We know you don't care. You're at some douchey club with guys who wear sunglasses inside, popping their collars, dancing to the spins of DJ Whatever. You're the worst kind of trash. Don't ask me to define it because I don't owe you shit. But be aware - your good football days are over forever. Accept it - it's never coming back. You never had a basketball team. And only poor Hispanics care about baseball so good luck with that. Shalala is a fucking criminal. Kiss my ass, you fucking bitches.

13. Syracuse University: I'm using this opportunity to give you a piece of my mind. Actually, this is positive feedback. We've known each other a long time. You and I both know that we thought we were going to be stuck with WVU in some trailer park forever. Thank god, bro. Thank god we got through this. You've always been a good buddy. Remember that time we got drunk before the middle school dance and Mrs. Kramer asked why we were dancing so wildly? And then we pissed on Todd Cohen's leg? Good times. We're glad you're in this with us. And we're glad you decided to completely give up on football, even worse than we did.

169 comments:

I gotta say that this is the funniest thing I've read in a long time. But the previous guy is right: you should fix the spelling/"grammar" errors - just as he should've fixed his. (Yeah, I know - me, too.)

Funny. Interesting view of acc schools from an outsider. When you are an insider you will figure out where your misconceptions lie. UVA is a little more obnoxious than you think. UNC-CH(eat) is much more obnoxious than you think with the cheating aspect of Miami. They just hid it a lo better for years. VaTech, the are generally liked and respected. I'll be interested to see how your opinions change after dealing with he acc for a few years.

To Pitt, glad you're here. I agree we are very similar schools. Ranked about the same academically. Both have many football titles in the past, both have been middling teams the last 30 years. But both have potential. Pitt's tearing it up in bball right now though, while GT is at it's lowest point in years.

Okay....we stand corrected: Wake Forest has great academics. So they can brag that they're "The Rice of the East", and we'd understand perfectly. Just like Rice, you have no impact in sports; you could even give-up sports and who'd notice? Pitt has great football tradition: 9 national championships, and they've contributed mightily to the NFL. I'll assume that you've heard of Fitzgerald, Revis, McCoy, & Otah, along with such all-time greats as Marino, Dorsett, & Ditka. Yes, we've under-achieved as a team, but we're in the process of getting that corrected. In fact, you'll get to witness it up close!

GT Fan - Wake is ranked in the top 25 nationally in the 2011 US News and World Report, higher than GT for instance. Here's the bizarro evidence http://colleges.usnews.rankingsandreviews.com/best-colleges/rankings/national-universities/page+3

No impact in sports? Not sure if you don't know that much but Wake has produced two of the better basketball players in recent ACC history in Duncan and Paul. Definitely a downturn recently in basketball but to say WF has had no relevance is really an ignorant statement. Wake also won the ACC football title in 2006 and is the only North Carolina school in recent memory to play in a BCS game.

I actually really like Pitt, Jamie Dixon, and think it's a great academic school. I'm happy about the addition.

You ought to get to know Wake we could be friends. Wake academics is ranked above Pitt (just saying) in undergrad, law and business and not too far behind in medicine which I know is Pitt's claim to fame. Also if doing it the right way is really as important to you as you say then you ought to like and respect Wake because it is important to us, too. As far as sports relevance, Wake's men's basketball team has been as good as any team in the ACC not named Duke or Carolina over the past 20 years -last year's record notwithstanding. We like being small in enrollment but still competitive with anybody. I don't like the high cost of college either, but Wake is comparable in cost to other private peers like Notre Dame, Vandy, and Syracuse ... but if you want to hate on us for it I guess you can do so. But good luck in the ACC.

From an NC State Alum/Fan:You will come to hate UNC-CHeat. They have been at it since the days of Choo-Choo. The most conceited group in the world. Good article, and welcome, except for your love of the Holes--you will come to regret that.

Very good. You'll learn to ignore NCState fans - their hate of UNC is comical and irrational. They are the red headed step child in the state....Be careful if you visit Carter Finley - your children will hear and see things no one should. UNC doesn't really give a flip about NCState - culturally, socially, academically, academically nor athletically - and man they can't stand that

Great read. If your sports are as entertaing as this article me and my redneck Clemson friends welcome you with open arms to he ACC!! By the way, we did bring booze to the party just don't share it with any Tarheels.

I know we had to get out of the Big East, but there's not much to get excited about as far as buying Pitt season tickets in the future. The Big East may have sucked, but at least rivalries against UConn, Rutgers and Cincinnati made sense. If Pitt has trouble selling out games against those teams, how in the hell are they going to make people care about Wake Forest, North Carolina State and Clemson? I mean, who gives a shit?

I'm an NC State grad. I grew up in Winston-Salem (home of WFU). I literally didn't know there was anything outside of the ACC until I was 12. You sir just perfectly captured the whole conference after what, 2 or 3 weeks of being in it. This blog post has made me happy to see you guys in the conference.

Great stuff and welcome to the league. Your assessments are fairly accurate other than Clemson is more country and NC State is more of the redneck stepchild of the league. Your comments about FSU academics are the same for NC State and add in a huge dose of the red-headed stepchild reject from all the other schools and you have NCSU. Not even then will you begin to fathom the delusion, hatred, jealousy and deep rooted feelings of inadequacy you will find there.

So, UVA fans don't think they are better than everyone and UNC firing their coach 3 days before the season and months after the violations came to light shows integrity? You have a bit to learn about the ACC.

I was the one making light of Wake Forest. Just for the sake of honesty, I was just messin' with y'all. We know that we don't know all the in's-and-out's of the ACC, but we're looking forward to being a part of your conference. The Big East is crippled; we've known for a long time that there's no future in remaining there, so it's nice to receive the invitation. Believe me, it's much appreciated. I liked how several of you immediately came to Wake's defense. That showed me something that would have never happened in the Big East - namely, one conference school defending another. Best of luck to your schools for the remainder of the season, and hopefully we'll be playing an ACC schedule sooner rather than later.

Just for the record, I wanted you guys in the ACC instead of BC back when. I sat behind the Pitt section at an NCState football game a couple of years ago. Now, I realize those were Pitt alums and not students, but I came away quite impressed. Classy folks, you Pitt Panthers. And even though I was at the game as a guest of an NCState friend/alum, I'm a UNC alumnus. And I am excited about Pitt in the ACC. Syracuse, not so much. ;-)

GT fan here with a few things to point out. One trip to College Park will probably change your mind about Maryland. UVA does act like they are better than others. On Wake Forest, Jim Grobe still does more with less, and their fans are okay. I always felt NCSU and VT are more redneck than Clemson. GT has more women than any other ACC school, when measured by the pound. And it sounds like you've been to Miami.

Ahh, gotta love the typical reaction by NCSU fans. They are on a methodical march to tell EVERYONE how much UNC cheats. I mean, they probably have "UNC-Cheats" on their toilet paper at home, just to sooth the incredible pain from the reaming they get every year in bball. Yes, I know UNC hasn't won in fball in four years. And honestly, if that keeps TOB around another 3-4, I'm ok with that ;-)

The teams who should have been admitted when VT and Miami came in. I remember those good FB teams at both Pitt. and Cuse. Welcome to the ACC. You bring good competition to a great conference. And thanks for those kind words about UNC. Go HEELS!

In the past, Pitt has has some decent success versus Duke but those games were on a neutral court. Nonetheless, we're still looking forward to the challenge(s) of playing Duke and the other ACC teams. Any thoughts about the possibility of rotating the ACC tourney thru Madison Square Garden? A little NYC exposure wouldn't hurt, and it would make a nice road trip for those of you who've never experienced all the good things that NY has to offer.

In the past, Pitt has has some decent success versus Duke but those games were on a neutral court. Nonetheless, we're still looking forward to the challenge(s) of playing Duke and the other ACC teams. Any thoughts about the possibility of rotating the ACC tourney thru Madison Square Garden? A little NYC exposure wouldn't hurt, and it would make a nice road trip for those of you who've never experienced all the good things that NY has to offer.

ACC Tourney - What NY has to offer? Crime, major expenses, & traffic.When I want to see a Broadway show, I'll go to NY.When I want to experience true ACC basketball tourney exceitment, I'll stay south. I don't travel to the tourney to do "other things". Basketball is LIFE here in the ACC. We don't need no stinking NY exposure.

FSU Fan - If there are any Saragusa-like women, I'm sure they'd have no trouble kicking YOUR puny ass. You won't find any genteel women in Pittsburgh. Georgeous? You betcha; visitors to Pittsburgh claim that the women are among the most beautiful in the country. But they won't put-up with your crap, and you'd be licking their boots in no time. And to BC fan - you must not watch Boston College play, or else you'd be begging the ACC to let UConn in - just so that you could beat somebody in football. Seriously, your football team sucks. You're the team that the ACC wishes DIDN'T get invited. You should've stayed in the Big East with the other Catholic basketball schools; maybe you'd beat Providence or DePaul....but again, maybe not.

Post a followup in three years to see how your opinion of the Tarhols changes. Nobody likes them. They're like Miami without the football history, or Virginia without the academics, but somehow they're as arrogant in football as Duke is in basketball, it's just nobody can figure out why.

Welcome to the ACC Pitt fans, and Syracuse fans also. Never mind the mongrel NCSUX fans, they onlr know how to type because we started the remedial education program in Education for them. They call UNC dirty while not acknowledging 4 of their own players were arrested for assault on a 60+ year old Bus driver, taking his money, and beating him. Then, get busted with drug paraphenalia and steroids and the great Rawlee police Dept. decided to drop the charges, because they wouldn't have been able to play Fball this year with their 4 starting all-stars not being able to play this year, but they call us "Cheats"....lol!!!

Hilarious letter. Looking forward to the basketball rivalry between PITT and DUKE. We need some more competition in the league besides UNC and the occasional upset from FSU. Like others have said you will come to hate UNC, they really are pompous assholes and get far too many calls these days. NC State has the finest girls and hottest clubs in the state; VT and FSU play hard physical bball which i respect but games can get chippy. Maryland fans are the 2nd worst after UNC. Wake has had some good teams in the past; but your right who would want to pay $50k to be in Winston-Salem. Cameron Indoor Stadium is the best atmosphere, has the best fans; and even if we beat you in basketball, You can always count on beating us in football. Everyone can. (well expect BC).

Why are all of these commenters acting like BC doesn't have a .655 win% in football since joining the ACC? Are they shitty this year? Certainly. Are they usually the laughing stock of the ACC? Not at all. (Looking at you Wake Forest and Duke).

Wow! This Tar Heel nominates you for honorary founding member of the ACC status for that entertaining analysis. The Pittsburghers/Steelers/Carnegie Mellon folks I lived, worked, and drank with way back when in San Jose and the relatives of my wife in Jermyn are all good people who are fun to be around, so I'm expecting a treat ahead getting to know the folks from Pitt.

While fairly humorous, I am certain that your perception of certain schools will change in the very near future.

-Virginia is exactly the opposite of your description, and any alum would tell you the same.

-Wake Forest is a top-25 University. It does, however, cost like 50k, and they are often an afterthought. They have produced a small, but outstanding crop of professional talent in basketball and football.

-You were absolutely correct about non-alum Duke fans being insufferable. You did, though, fail to address the pretentious and generally arrogant nature of their alumni population.

-You will change your mind about Carolina - without any doubt.

In general, the ACC sticks together and roots for its own (I know I do). Welcome.

Princeton and Yale have a combined 44 national championships in football. Under your theory that championships won before 1937 actually matter, you certainly are a football powerhouse. Under everyone else's theory that championships won in the past 35 years are the real measure of national relevance, you might as well be Duke (who won the Sugar Bowl, Orange Bowl, and Cotton Bowl...before everyone was born). Congrats, tool.

The thing to know about Georgia Tech is that we have a massive chip on our shoulder about the SEC. We were once part of it. We left it out of good principle. We wandered in the wilderness for years an independent and nearly wrecked our football program. We tried to get back into the SEC, and they said no. And now we're in the ACC.

We clearly belong in the ACC, but we're always looking over our shoulder at our redneck SEC neighbors with a mixture of hatred, regret, and envy.

Still, anyone who appreciates how badly UGA sucks for Georgia Tech fans is all right with me. You clearly get us.

UVa - They DO think they are better than everyone. And they are wrong.

Dook - Spell it right. Northern transplants. Lots of dorks.

UNC - Arrogance knows no bounds.

NC State - We all go to NC State, because anyone can. Delusional as to their importance. Not bright. Sort of rednecky.

Wake - Harmless and fun. EVERYONE'S second favorite team. Often good, never great except in non-revenue sports where they sometimes punch way over their heads (somehow they have national titles in golf, soccer, field hockey and baseball)

Clemson - OK, you sort of nailed that one.

Ga. Tech - Smart. Not too smug. Maybe a little shady. But you have to be smart to go there. They live in the shadow of the SEC there.

Va Tech - Stick to football. Pretty rabid group of fans. Folks seem to like them.

BC - Good school that seems to think it is better at sports than it really is. You know more than us, to be honest.

Spot on, Pitt! Welcome to the ACC. We aren't the biggest...probably not the best...but we hate each other with an eternal passion. In college sports that's a GOOD thing, lol. You'll learn to especially despise the mouth-breathers from Raleigh. Decades of irrelevance has taken it's toll on their psyches and it shows in their behavior. Just ignore them an eventually they'll fire another coach, lol. Good luck Panthers!

Awesome post. Funnily accurate in such a short period of time. One thing you have to remember is that NC State is filled with students and alumni that applied to, and were rejected by UNC. The bitterness usually lasts until they die, usually lonely, broke and alone. Unless they get lucky and marry a Duke or UNC grad to support them.

First off, let me start by saying I am a Clemson Alum who was born and raised in Pittsburgh. I also live in Pittsburgh now. The only reason I am glad you are joining our conference is so that I can see my Tigers play. You (Shitt Panthers)are an embarrassment to college football. I was at the South Florida game last Thursday night. A primetime game, against a top 25 opponent, and you can't even put 40,000 people in the stands. WHAT A JOKE. I was in the upper deck and was ASKED to move to the lower deck so it looked better on TV. That would NEVER happen in Death Valley. We (being a Pittsburgh native) have more rednecks/white trash in the area than anything you see on Clemson's campus. The only thing better than getting to beat your A$$ in football every year, is knowing that Penn State gets to do the same again soon.

Tech fan here: Funny stuff, but there's maybe a cultural difference going unappreciated here. Is it just me or did the Italian and Eastern European quotient just increase about 200% in this conference? I'm picturing some combination of The Fonz and The Situation writing this thing...

As an alumnus of both Clemson and Georgia Tech (grad school) - I welcome Pitt (and your middle school buddy Syracuse) to the ACC. I think both schools are an excellent fit for the conference in both academics and athletics.

Athletics/Basketball - both are basketball powerhouses which will only help the conference and will bring some humility to tobacco road. Dixon (and Boeheim) are great coaches and fun to watch on the sidelines.

Athletics/Football - My Clemson brethren will be mad at me for saying this - but Pitt in many ways reminds me of Clemson football. National Championships a long time ago. Great talent going to the NFL annually. And choking during games you should win and winning the games you should lose (knocking WVU out of BCS championship). Wannstedt was great for bringing back focus to the football tradition and possibilities - but he had to be the most conservative coach ever and lost many a game with his playcalling (lifelong Dolphin fan here). I think Pitt will be a force to be reckon with in the ACC moving in the near future. I won't heckle your attendance like others have since you have an off-campus stadium.

Academics - a great school. I can only speak to it from a B-school perspective but when I was looking for schools I visited both Carnegie Mellon and Pitt's Katz school and came away impressed.

You nailed your descriptions of Clemson and Georgia Tech.

And lastly, everyone does dislike UNC because we all believe rightly or wrongly that they run the conference much like Texas runs the Big 12.

Hey Blawnax - the moment you aligned yourself with the friggin' Tarcheats is the moment I ceased to take you seriously. But I guess every conference needs a middle of the road fodder team and you'll do nicely alongside those baby blue pussies. Let's see today you are 3-2. I'd say you are off to another perfectly typical mediocre season.

FSU fan here, a rare kind of FSU fan that is also an FSU basketball fan. We were in Pitt's shoes in the early 90s so we can offer you some perspective on what to expect when you're here.

First of all your tune will change on UNC very quickly. Duke fans are obnoxious as hell but at least with them they are up front about it. UNC fans are far more snide and will be very backhanded even when complimenting you. I recall riding the MARTA in Atlanta with a bunch of UNC fans for our game vs them in the ACCT three years ago and ALL of the comments were along the lines of "hey I bet you're happy to be playing on a Saturday for once but you gotta wanna see Duke vs UNC again!..." etc... and after we beat UNC to go to the finals it was the most passive aggressive ride back to a hotel I've ever experienced.

You will also learn that when it comes to basketball ACC stands for All Carolina Conference. If the game is close vs a Carolina school the officials WILL screw you on critical possessions every single time and it does not matter if you won a national title aka Maryland or went to the title game aka Georgia Tech. Karl Hess will hand the game to a Carolina school every chance he gets.

Conrad Kaz - This apparently isn't the forum to say it but Wake fans like BC for the most part so I am not sure why the need to take a shot at us. BC's main problem in the ACC is its geographic isolation which hopefully the additions of Pitt and Syracuse will help address. You're right that BC has had a pretty solid run in football over the past decade, but at the same time let's not overstate how high and mighty you are over us. BC leads the series with Wake 10-7-2; the last nine games have been decided by 10 points or less. And while you've been to two conference championships we've actually won one. It actually has the makings of a good, friendly rivalry if you all stopped pissing and moaning, or do maybe these other posters have a point about you guys?

Pitt doesn't seem to be raising the academic profile of the league, at least according to the nation's most influential ranking. (You may disagree with the ranking system, but perception seems to be reality in the world of brands and reputation.)

[*] Big East brethren, UCONN(58), Syracuse (62), and Rutgers(68) are in the same boat.

I think the Wake, Clemsona nd any other fans taking offense to this should read the disclaimer at the top first"Panther Rants is The Onion of Pitt Sports. Formerly a serious recruiting blog written by a serious recruiting writer, the site was taken over by mediocre bloggers that provide satire, sarcasm and anything but serious information. Everything on this site is tongue-in-cheek and is not meant for serious consumption."

I don't think you realize yet how delusional, crazy and downright stupid NC State fans are. By far the worst in the ACC....I mean nation.

To get into State all you need to do is show them your UNC rejection letter on the first day of classes and you're in.

Oh yeah, and they're extremely racist hillbillies to boot!

Part of it is them having been beaten down by UNC for decades in all categories, sports or otherwise. They have developed an extreme inferiority complex and it shows. But most of it is that they're just really really really dumb people.

1) you are wrong about DUKE. their fans, the Dookies...they are all complete jerks even though coach K is a very decent man and a fabulous coach. it's one of the great ironies of ACC life. Their fans are asholes and their coach is a swell guy. By the way, you are going to love kicking their ass in everything except basketball. WE ALL DO!

2) Va Tech - another area where you are wrong. Look, if you thought Clemson was the ACC redneck school you have not been paying attention to VPI. Yes: "VPI" - Virginia Polytechnical Institute. That is how long-time ACC-area fans refer to "Va. Tech." Long ago we kicked South Carolina out of the ACC because they insisted on recruiting super stupid athletes. Well, VPI knew better than to even apply for admission. The king of the red neck schools. Hokie High School. Land of Felonious quarterbacks. Butt-Ugly girls. Only the power of a few US Senators got VPI shoe-horned into the ACC. Clemson is a flat-out classy school by comparison and the all the girls there are gorgeous. Plus VPI chokes in big games. Win the ACC. Go to a bowl game. Get embarrassed.

So, welcome to the ACC. See you at the greatest college conference basketball tournament in the world!

You'll soon figure out that almost all of the redneck Clemson fans are only locals that did not attend school there. mostly gas pumpers and fast food employees that couldnt graduate HS much less get into any college. The majority of our student base is now transplanted northerners. Other than that there are a ton of slutty hot chicks and enough booze to have a good time. I hope Pitt can be better in football than they have been in the last 25 years or this conference is going to the Dookies and Heels quick. FB>BB as a sport and especially when it comes to TV contracts and $$$$$.

Don't go to NC State unless you want to get a great job after you graduate. If you do go to State, you'll probably marry a UNC Girl who can't get a decent job with her psych, sociology, or worthless business degree, unless Daddy hires her :-)

NC State is rated twelfth among the nation's colleges and universities in terms of value, according to Kiplinger's Personal Finance. In 2006, NC State was ranked second by Princeton Review and fifth by U.S. News & World Report on their lists of best values among the nation's public colleges and universities. Recently, the university was ranked 6th in the country by The Princeton Review on the list of best value for 2010 at a public university. For 2010 the Wall Street Journal surveyed recruiters and ranked NC State number 19 among the top 25 recruiter picks.

Great read.....really funny. Only off base about a couple of the NC schools. One should only attend NC State if they want to get a REAL job when they graduate. They can attend UNC if they want to flip burgers with a worthless degree that they didn't have to work for. If UNC had the academics to go with their egos, they would be awesome.

To be fair, NCSU does enroll a bunch of idiots - what school doesn't? But to say every NCSU student goes to NCSU b/c they couldn't get into UNC is uniformed and well moronic. Last year, NCSU was ranked 31 among the nation's top engineering schools (tied with Duke). UNC was 70 (tied with Central Florida). Many, many, students pick NCSU over UNC for the engineering program alone (or because they don't want to date fat chicks who dress nice to feel pretty). Overall, are academics stronger at UNC, sure. But I get tired of hearing over-reaching comments about how NCSU students couldn't get in to UNC.

1) First off welcome to the conference Pitt (oh and thank Todd for teaching Chad the ropes). I am pretty sure half of the city's population over the last 30 years has moved to the Southeast after your city government did such a magical job calling the shots. You guys have been doing great things with that basketball recently (that is until the tournament shows up). I look forward to road trips up to the City of Champions (after driving 5 hours through the Eastern European country they call West Virginia) to watch the Tigers mess up the grass for the Steelers games (do you guys look at the stands as half full or half empty?) and defiantly catch a Penguins game at the new arena. I was on campus a few months ago and your chicks are sub par for the conference and your fans all wear pro stuff, but whatever floats your boat. In saying all of this I am really psyched to have you guys and get you guys plastered and laid in Tigertown when you come down to visit. It will be like a family reunion.

2) Hi Boston College #2, sorry I mean Syracuse. Glad Swofford went out on a limb after consulting Coach K and Roy and got you guys. Nice to have some more orange in the ACC and another good basketball program (since we didn't have enough). You guys are a bit like buying vanilla Ben and Jerry's. Yeah they make really good vanilla but why, when you can have Dave Matthews Band Magic Brownies. I don't really know if you have hot women or not since they are covered in parkas for 7 months out of the year. I know football is not really your thing right now, so you really do fit like a glove. Welcome to your new home and I know you guys will look forward to your road trips south in the winters, leaving the frozen tundras of Upper State New York.

Look, a little funny, maybe. But, it's obvious that the writer has not experienced half the stuff posted. Take the Clemson comments. Red-neck, I think not. They must not ever visited that campus. Clemson is Harvard compared to Pitt. Hell, on game day, half the male student population have bow ties on with their Ralph shirts. The writer must have gotten Clemson mixed up with University of South Carolina.

For those of you trotting out the US News and World Report rankings, look at some of the categories they use for the rankings. They're a joke. Look at the Times Higher Education world rankigs:Duke #24GT #27UNC#30Pitt#64

As far as BC goes, can't wait to get the automatic W in football, 3 straight, and the easy W in BBall, lost count of how many in a row we beat you guys.

I see the Clemson rednecks are getting cocky because of their great start, don't worry, you'll blow it, you're Clemson. And your HC is named Dabo.

I would agree that NC State is the best value in the ACC, although at the time, I got through Maryland dirt cheap. Most often you get what you pay for except when you're talking about colleges. Most are rip-offs.

First off, a big fan of the Onion and you did a nice job on the parody. As a NC State fan, welcome. You got most of it right except that UNC will do anything to win and will only fire the coach if they absolutely have to. We do it the same way but are not smart enough not to keep it hidden. You may want to lay off Wake. Great academics, beautiful campus and a super football coach about anyone in the conference would love to have.

Good college football left Pittsburgh with steel. When Pitt has three NFL quarterbacks starting on one day come talk to Boston College. Additionally, I realize that regular road trips to WVU may give you some false sense of academic superiority, but to those of us out East (where hiring didn't cease in 1974) Pitt straddles the delicate line between safety school and city college. Maybe BC grads didn't respond because they are at work. And yes, Pitt does have a basketball tradition; it goes something like this: Pitt is ranked 9th going into the tournament and earns a 3 seed. That one guy in your pool, we'll call him Carl, is telling everyone this is their year. Despite the objections of all those around him, Carl is resolute that "this year Pitt's legit." But here comes the round of 32 and Pitt goes crashing out to Butler (or Xavier or Bradley.) Carl is humiliated and forced to hand over $20 when UNC comes out on top yet again.

MD fan Damn just when we were looking forward to a real BB rival. UVA went the VATech route, DOOK/MD will never come close to DOOK/UNC and BC? Nah.Methinks a couple of visits to CC will have you thinking divorce.Glad you're in the club. Funny piece. Now get out there and patch those ungawdly awful Pittsburgh side streets. You-ens owe me new shocks.

UNC students and alums are completely stuck on themselves and constantly irritable. However, if you had a meaningless liberal arts or political science degree, I guess I would be pissy all the time as well. Really…how does it feel to be wearing a douche bag all the time??

I am a Wake Forest grad. I read your inane comments about WFU. Our academci are superior to yours. How many Pitt players started the last NBA alstargame? WFU 2 Pitt 0. My wife is a Pitt graduate and lived in Pittsburgh. She refers to Pitt as ARMPITT as she swipes her underarm! Go back to your podunk conference..

Welcome to the conference, guys. I'm a Clemson alum/fan, and our entry was funny and pretty accurate. I'd point out that we're on the rise academically, blah blah blah, but then I'd just be humorless and defensive like the pissy Wake fans posting here.

You guys take this thing too seriously. Did you see the thing at the top that said the whole site is total satire. As for you people from Wake claiming to be sports relevant, you produced two good players in the last 25 years to the Not Basketball Anymore League. Who cares. And finally to the people who bitched about spelling, I agree with you. There is a built in spell check. How in the fuck did the writer spell anything wrong.

Love the article. Welcome to the ACC Pitt! We may end up disliking each other on the court or field, but we're glad to have the addition of two universities that are both academically and athletically excellent. Go ACC! Go Heels!

You are clueless. There isn't a single person at Clemson "trying to be like South Carolina"

South Carolina is Clemson's little brother.

Clemson is 65-39-4 all time vs South Carlolina in football. Almost all students from the state of South Carolina apply to South Carolina as their back-up school in case they don't get into Clemson (I know this because I did that when I applied for college and I was a South Carolina fan at the time)

Freakin' great comments. The ones I like the best: "You guys are too serious, it's satire don't you know. By the way, (insert name here) sucks/are rednecks/cheats and (insert my school's name) is the greatest academic and athletic powerhouse ever to play college sports and here are the top 50 reasons why." Welcome to the Atlantic Comedy Circuit Pitt and Syracuse.

I'm a Pitt grad, currently fucking a Wake chick, nightly. She's smart, but she does believe she's smarter than she actually is...and has a rich dad...and couldn't get into Yale or Harvard...and was wait-listed at UVA.

You call Miami trash but the last I checked Miami whipped your ass in football the last time they played and whipped their ass for years in the Big East. All that Pitt has is basketball. You also bash Duke but the last time I checked Duke has won more National Championships then Pitt. You may have a good basketball program but you choke in the big dance.

Pitt grad - great to be in the ACC. I can see by the post which schools hate each other. This is what college football and basketball are all about. For those of you mentioning hockey, soccer, lacrosse, ping pong, etc. championships your school won....absolutetly NO ONE CARES about those sports.

1. Please, some of you using anon, stop, you can't get good banter going. Take a sec. and make up a name. Geez.

2. For the couple people that seem to have gotten really defensive, calm down, most are just having fun.

3. Last time I checked, Pitt beat Duke in MSG two years ago.

4. Wake and BC, you're not even an AAU school, you're small potatoes no matter what USNWR says.What, little private schools that read the Bronte sisters. Stop allready!! Do some research and make a difference

Miami, I wouldn't be callin' anyone out, you're close to goin to the death penalty. We may have to replace you. Lets see, what other school could we get that has thugs, cheated in football, has no basketball and not the greatest academic rep.............

Thank you for a wonderful post. While some posters have noted errors, they are all but meaningless. The only mistake worth mentioning relates to your comments about leaving West Virginia behind and joining company with Virginia Tech. You should know that they are the same school. Just as Michael Jackson maintained the dual identity of "Janet" Jackson all those years, the two schools are the same. If you don't belive me, spend some time around the fans of "both" schools. The smell of kerosene and chewing tobacco is a dead give away. Again, thank you for making my day.

Wake Forest grad (the one with the wife who's the Pitt grad) - because Pitt is designated as an "urban university", it works under a mandate to accept a small number of students who are "challenged" and would normally not get accepted into the school. Please thank your wife for helping us to reach our quota for that year.

From a Pitt Alum. Pitt people I know, like and admire Wake Forest. Great fight song(always important), great school colors of black & gold that reminds us of who?And Wake's most famous alumnus is a Pittsburgher, the one and only Arnold Palmer. Plus how can one not like a school with only 4,000 undergrads beating up on schools with 5-6 times more students.Can you say the little engine that could. Finally, a school who's original sports team's name was ....The Fighting Baptists, what's not to like. Oye vey. Give it up for the Fighting Baptists.

I'm a Pitt guy and I have to say I loved reading everyone's comments. They were even more entertaining than the Rant. If being in the ACC is anywhere near as much fun, as it was reading some of these posts, then I'm glad that we're in.You'll find that the Pitt fans are ok. We don't have as much fun as the Clemson fans, but then who does? Thanks for saving us.

Having read several of these comments, it is clear that despite the claim that Pitt will learn a lot about southern sports and life, some of the writers know nothing about Pittsburgh. "Economically depressed" ??? Do you read newspapers ? Pittsburgh is one of the areas not as affected by the down trend of the economy. While the original comments are funny, this will just add to the exaggerated images of each school. Oh well, Pitt fans are used to that with the constant jibes from PSU and WVU fans.

Only southern girls that are worth a damn are the ones who have lived somewhere other than the South, excluding New Orleans & Miami. See most of them are afraid of a guy who speaks words with more than two syllables and doesn't look like Davis Love (ie. a milk dud). Leave your leather coats in Pittsburgh, as the yocals might think you're mafia or worse, Catholic.

And fuck you very much for the greetings from Pittsburgh, now we won't be the only fucking pimple on the ass in this conf. Welcome and did I say fuck you. Keep your frickin kids at home and we won't rape them. God Bless you ya fuck.

"Just about every other school in Virginia likes to bash UVA kids for being 'pretentious' and 'snobs.' In other words, they get called out for thinking they're better than everyone else. Well, if you went to the school in Virginia with the most stringent admissions requirements, best overall athletic program, most beautiful campus and coeds, most successful and famous alumni, the most storied social scene, that was founded by Thomas Jefferson, and all that happened to be in what was voted the #1 city to live in in America, well you'd think you were the shit too."

Enjoyed your post, Pitt guy. I am a little embarrassed by how ridiculous most of the ACC fans sound, though, spouting their sophomoric prejudices and stereotypes. I vow to never be so petty, no matter how sickening those Dook fans, ballers and coaches get.

I am a Pitt grad that moved down to Raleigh a 2 years ago. I have been immersed in NC ACC land. Additionally, my neighbor is a Clemson fan, my good friend is a VaTech grad, I visit a GT high school friend in Atlanta every few months, and my cubicle buddy is from FSU (I have yet to encounter a WF fan in 24 months of NC residence. They are like unicorns). I have even attended that snooze-fest in Greensboro instead of the Big East Tournament that I grew up going to (NJ born and bred, mom is a Seton Hall grad, dad is a St. John's grad). The ACC tournament fucking sucks balls. No energy at all until someone gets close to upsetting Duke or UNC. I implore any ACC fan that is in the NYC area that has not been to MSG during the tourney, please go this year, as it is the last. I will see you there.

Here is what I have learned from contact with these folks:

Duke - Dorky carpetbaggersUNC - Duke with popular kidsNCSU - If WVU was bad at sports and had two Pitts to hateWF - ????????????????????GT - Very Pitt likeVaTech - Just like you rememberClemson - Sort of like WVU. So close to being awesome, but the fans never learnFSU - SEC school in the ACC

I was sad about the move for about two seconds, then I realized I'll be attending more Pitt games than I would living anywhere but Pittsburgh.

I got linked over here from Pitt Blather and this is fucking hilarious. "Longing for the days of mediocrity" LOL. Being a Pitt fan is exactly like being a Jets fan. They did something really good before I was born and have since been chasing it down with the grace of a three legged, drunk elephant.

Here is the thing to know about UNC fans. They are like the kids in high school who had money and wanted so bad to be cool… but weren’t… ever… no matter how hard they tried. So they all just got together and decided that they would pretend to be better than everyone else… which just made them look stupid.

As a NCSU fan, welcome to the league, sadly you're fairly accurate about us. For those hating on us claiming we are delusional and have resentment about being irrelevant...Fuck you! lol State fans just want to win, consistently. Yes, we're a bit rabid, bitter, hostile, but that's because we refuse to accept mediocrity and defeat(we were once a great athletic program) So if that means continuing to replace coaches & athletic directors till we get it right, then so be it!lol Seriously, our fanbase isn't laying down we're as diehard as they come, and our tailgating experience is legendary!

Carolina grad/fan here. Became Carolina fan in Jan 1946, when we were in the Southern Conference.

But probably an unusual Carolina fan, in that I have always liked all ACC schools. I will always back an ACC school against out-of-conference foes. I usually have only good things to say about all ACC schools.

I have a cousin who was a starting guard on the Tony Dorsett national champion Panther football team of the mid-1970s, and my Dad earned his BS and MS at the 'Cuse, so I am very happy to see both these fine schools in the ACC.

This is a fantastic OP and set of comments, and every ACC fan should see it! LOLs all over the place.

We have a great conference full of fantastic schools with high academic standards, and IMHO that's part of what's driving the quality of this thread. May those standards always continue to be an important part of the identity of the ACC.

I join others in this thread in welcoming Pitt and hoping that this blog post is indicative of the sorts of contributions Pitt will make on and off the field of play.

I'm a Carolina grad who lives in Raleigh, and has since just after the Cardiac Pack did their thing in '83. It was all painter hats and commemorative Coke products and all that, but State has been in the wilderness of irrelevance ever since.

I do pull for State whenever they're not playing Carolina, as they're the hometown team, I went to high school with a bunch of dear friends who are State grads, and it makes local sports talk radio much more interesting.

I follow PackPride fairly closely and particularly enjoy the endless threads obsessing about Carolina and the epic postgame meltdown threads. No one stands on a window ledge weeping like a little girl more pitifully than Statefan.

For a university with the sort of quality academic concentrations it offers, you'd think the campus would display much more interesting architecture than it does.

Instead, it's a monotonous load of bricks--a word that describes the majority of the shots taken by Wolfpack roundball players for the last 20 years. One of the few buildings with some character was recently torn down. WTF?

Legendary tailgating? Yes, I would agree--have enjoyed it many times with my high school friends. However, it's all fun and games until folks get shot to death.

And then there's the dookies. My contempt knows no bounds. From the faux gothic frillery of their campus, to the dorky, unsportsmanlike New Jersey cheer-sheet-reading campers who are so disdainful of this area and the peasants in Chapel Hill, to their rodentine coach who when he isn't playing manipulative games with referees during the season, spends the offseason giving keynotes on being a leader of men and being a profane, arrogant prick, dook is a vortex of suckage that could rip open the space-time continuum.

Please read Will Blythe's "To Be Hate Like This is to be Happy Forever", absolutely the best book about ACC sports, and I've read a pallet-full.

It's about the Carolina-dook rivalry from a Carolina fan's perspective, but it's about so much more than that--family, relationships between sons and fathers, life in the Triangle, and much more.

Check it out on Amazon and read the reviews to get an idea of what's between the covers.

Great original post and great thread. We've got great schools and great fans in this conference, and I think this displays that.

From a State fan: All these fools talking about us being delusional really don't understand how masochistic our fan base is. 95% of real State fans would agree with your assessment and yes we have a massive inferiority complex about how bad we are. You'll find us to be pretty honest about how much we suck, still we'll make no apologies about not being content with where we are...

so welcome...and when your 2nd star player fouls out of a game against a UNC/Duke team that barely has 5 TEAM fouls...you'll REALLY be inducted into the conference...don't believe us? There are 9 other teams that will say the same thing...

It won't take long to hate UNC just like everybody else in the conference. They're a bunch of whiney Wal-Mart fans. You won't find 2 who pull for them in anything besides basketball. As for the school itself, it is the Cal-Berkeley of the east. 'Nuff said about that. As for the "scholar" athletes, you won't find curriculums anywhere else in the ACC like they have. Tailor-made for athletes to stupid to spell their own name.

I'd rather pay the $54,932 that I'm paying right now to get an outstanding college education than have bragging rights over a football game. If the only meaningful aspect of college is your perception on college-level sports, then you have a skewed view on college. You obviously are one of the ignorant fans of one of the trashier schools in the ACC.

Have you ever thought of fact-checking before posting? You say Pitt beat VT "badly", but if you bothered to research it first, you would see that Pitt is 4-7 against VT in football. With 3 of those 4 victories came by margins of 7 points, 7 points, and 3 points. I'm not quite sure a 4-7 record is something to brag about.

hmmm the ACC was better without two more yankee schools trying to succeed in the NCAA. And I'm sure Pitt would like to forget the last time they played in Carter-Finley because it was the last time they were ranked. And of course they're on UNC's nuts everytime you look at the news UNC is hosting a gay marriage dialogue. Ahhh no wonder UNC is Pitt's rolemodel.

Hilarious stuff. Ignore the UNC haters- most of them are jealous State fans with a complex because they're not acknowledged as good at...well, anything. I admit there's some superiority in the UNC crowd, but honestly, we have an impressive history in several sports. But hey, we've all got problems in the ACC. Except Clemson. I love those guys.

Learn to HATE dOOke they are the most arrogant people in the country for no apparent reason. They only care about basketball. I know this sounds like the pot calling the kettle black, but we actually show up to our football and soccer games. Not to mention, we love baseball. Omaha is a home away from home.

As far as Clemson being the rednecks, wait until you see State football.

Welcome to the ACC and join us all in the mutual hatred of that school in Durham!

1) He starts by saying “Wake Forest: we don’t know you …” and then makes a s**t ton of unfounded and untrue assertions about the most superior university in the South. Aside from the spelling mistakes, the idiot even uses quotation marks to quote his own words. What a simpleton. And Wake sucks? Pitt hasn’t been relevant in football since 1937 and hasn’t been to a Final 4 since 1941 (and only 1 Elite 8 since the 70’s). Glass houses, dillhole.

Larry Fitzgerald. Now quick, name another relevant Pitt alum since 1990. Exactly.

UNC “fire[d] a very successful football coach” b/c he “compromised the school’s integrity”?!?! Really! Really? How about they fired an underachieving, habitual cheater for cheating … and nearly running UNC’s credibility into the ground?

Want to know why my dad paid for me to go to Wake Forest? Because I could get into Wake Forest, m****r f****r. Done.

I’ll be sure to hire this fartknocker to drive my kids to private school one day. But not in his car, because it will smell like McDonald’s hamburgers and menthol cigarettes. Welcome to the ACC f**kface.

Best part of reading this joke of a rant is that these gifted scholars from Pitt have advertising from DeVry University on the page.... I guess it is their sister school... see below... frankly you and the Orange belong in that trailer park with WVU...

To the commenter who said that WFU is ranked "jack-sh*t" in academics. They're the highest ranked in the conference after Duke, top 25. But yeah, from a sports standpoint nobody really loves or hates them, so the letter to Wake is dead on.

A couple misc comments regarding academics: my kid visited Duke, UNC, WF, VTech, and Davidson (non-ACC). Despite pushing him south, he ultimately stayed home and went to Pitt.USNWR rankings are shit. The caliber of student they attract is comparable to WF and UNC. Average SAT for 2011 incoming frosh was 1280- a full 100 POINTS HIGHER than PSU. Look it up. Pitt is only a "safety school" if you think you are getting into Penn or Cornell.

Pitt fans, there is only one "Tech" in the ACC, Georgia Tech. Virginia Tech is actually Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University or VPISU (pronounced Vippy Sue). Give those hillbilly bastards credit for nothing. Their burn victim coach is the prettiest bitch on campus which is amazing given the half-tard entrance requirements to their cow pasture school.