Newtown survivors, choose faith, charity and hope

By Liz Carlston, Special to CNN

Updated 1428 GMT (2228 HKT) December 30, 2012

Funerals: Community says goodbye30 photos

Newtown funerals: Community says goodbye – Mourners wipe tears away as they file out of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints after the funeral of Emilie Parker in Ogden, Utah, on Saturday, December 22.

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Funerals: Community says goodbye30 photos

Newtown funerals: Community says goodbye – The casket of Rachel Marie D'Avino is carried into the Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem, Connecticut on Friday, December 21.

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Funerals: Community says goodbye30 photos

Newtown funerals: Community says goodbye – Parents attend the funeral of Dylan Hockley, 6, a victim of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting, on December 21 in Newtown, Connecticut.

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Newtown funerals: Community says goodbye – A view from outside the funeral service for 6-year-old Dylan Hockley at Walnut Hill Community Church on December 21.

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Funerals: Community says goodbye30 photos

Newtown funerals: Community says goodbye – Family members depart the Trinity Episcopal Church in Newtown, Connecticut, following a funeral for Benjamin Wheeler, 6, on December 20.

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Newtown funerals: Community says goodbye – Mourners, including Boy Scout and Tiger Scout members, depart the funeral on December 20, 2012. Wheeler was a member of Tiger Scout Den 6.

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Newtown funerals: Community says goodbye – Boy scouts salute as a funeral procession for Benjamin Wheeler enters the Trinity Episcopal Church on December 20, in Newtown, Connecticut.

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Funerals: Community says goodbye30 photos

Newtown funerals: Community says goodbye – Firefighters salute as the casket of Daniel Barden, 7, a victim of the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School, is removed from St. Rose of Lima Church on Wednesday, December 19, 2012, in Newtown, Connecticut.

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Funerals: Community says goodbye30 photos

Newtown funerals: Community says goodbye – Police escort the hearse bearing the casket of Daniel Barden from St. Rose of Lima Church on December 19.

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Newtown funerals: Community says goodbye – Mourners enter St. Rose of Lima Church for the funeral of Charlotte Bacon, 6, on December 19, in Newtown.

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Newtown funerals: Community says goodbye – A police officer directs traffic as mourners enter the church for Charlotte Bacon's funeral on December 19.

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Newtown funerals: Community says goodbye – A procession arrives for the funeral of Victoria Soto, 27, at Lordship Community Church in Stratford, Connecticut, on December 19. Soto was a first-grade teacher being hailed as a hero for protecting the children in her class during last week's school massacre in Newtown.

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Newtown funerals: Community says goodbye – A woman carries a program with Soto's photo after attending a funeral for the slain teacher in Stratford on December 19.

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Newtown funerals: Community says goodbye – Bagpipers play at funeral services for Soto on December 19 in Stratford.

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Newtown funerals: Community says goodbye – Richard and Krista Rekos leave after a funeral service for their 6-year-old daughter, Jessica, at Saint Rose of Lima Church on Tuesday, December 18, in Newtown. Jessica was one of 20 children killed in last week's school shooting.

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Newtown funerals: Community says goodbye – Family and friends depart Jessica's funeral on December 18 in Newtown.

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Newtown funerals: Community says goodbye – A child stands next to a makeshift memorial for Jessica Rekos following her funeral on December 18.

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Newtown funerals: Community says goodbye – Pallbearers carry out James Mattioli's casket at St. Rose of Lima Roman Catholic Church after a funeral Mass on December 18 in Newtown. James, 6, was one of the 26 victims in the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown.

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Newtown funerals: Community says goodbye – Mourners console each other after the funeral for James Mattioli on December 18.

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Newtown funerals: Community says goodbye – People arrive for the funeral of Jessica Rekos, 6, at St. Rose of Lima Roman Catholic Church in Newtown on December 18.

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Newtown funerals: Community says goodbye – Jessica Rekos' casket arrives at St. Rose of Lima Roman Catholic Church as mourners gather December 18.

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Newtown funerals: Community says goodbye – Mourners console each other after attending the funeral for Jack Pinto, 6, on December 17.

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Newtown funerals: Community says goodbye – Mourners grieve the death of Jack Pinto, 6, on December 17.

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Newtown funerals: Community says goodbye – A mother and two children attend the funeral for Jack Pinto on December 17. Children are among those crowding the funeral for the 6-year-old boy.

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Newtown funerals: Community says goodbye – A man comforts a young mourner at Honan Funeral Home while attending the funeral for Jack Pinto, 6, on December 17.

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Newtown funerals: Community says goodbye – Boys enter Honan Funeral Home before Jack Pinto's funeral on December 17 in Newtown.

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Newtown funerals: Community says goodbye – Veronika Pozner, mother of Noah Pozner, arrives for her son's funeral on Monday, December 17, at the Abraham L. Green and Son Funeral Home in Fairfield, Connecticut. Monday is the first day of funerals for the 20 children and seven adults who were killed by 20-year-old Adam Lanza on December 14.

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Newtown funerals: Community says goodbye – Three women embrace as they arrive for the funeral services for Noah Pozner on December 17.

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Newtown funerals: Community says goodbye – Mourners arrive at Noah Pozner's service in Fairfield on December 17.

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Newtown funerals: Community says goodbye – Mourners leave Noah Pozner's service on December 17 in Fairfield.

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Story highlights

Liz Carlston: My heart aches for the children and parents at Sandy Hook

Carlston: I went through the Columbine shooting and know the pain

She says life won't be the same for the survivors; it's important to push out the anger

Carlston: Choose faith, choose charity, choose hope; then, life will be livable again

Like them, I know what it means to have life turned on its head by unprecedented violence. On the morning of April 20, 1999, two senior students walked into Columbine High School and began a shooting spree. Someone pulled the fire alarm and I was able to escape my trigonometry classroom. While I didn't suffer any injury, people I knew and admired were killed. That awful day left a permanent scar on our community in Littleton, Colorado.

But the Columbine shooting did not define us. We are defined by the acts of goodness that followed. People in our community bonded and helped each other get through the tragedy.

Hundreds of comfort quilts were sewed and handed out to those who were trying to recover from the anguish and pain. Restaurants provided free meals in the days after the shooting. Strangers offered hugs to each other at the Clement Park Memorial for support.

Liz Carlston

No one ever should experience a Columbine moment. No one wants to feel assaulted, offended or hurt by an inexplicable event. But sometimes, those things happen.

The way we respond to those moments is crucial in how we build and rebuild our relationships, and more importantly, how we rebuild our lives.

There are two ways we can respond to a traumatic experience -- as a victim or a survivor. Early on, I pitifully used Columbine to justify personal failures and shortcomings. Eventually, I realized that I owned the way I reacted to situations and how I engaged with those around me.

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More than a decade later, I still think about Columbine. I do not dwell on the grotesque details of the day. In quiet meditation, I think of the lives that were taken and the lessons that help me move forward. I appreciate the subtle and profound consequences that our thoughts and actions can have on others. I became slower to anger and quicker to love. The inconsiderate driver or long line at the post office doesn't spoil my day anymore.

I share my story to offer hope to those impacted by violence -- those who wonder whether they'll be able to regain the life they once knew. The answer is no. Life won't be the same. But one can, over time, find happiness. When you are able to come out of a tragedy you'll be stronger with a greater capacity to love, more determination to serve others and desire to mend broken family ties. And you'll feel joy that comes from these actions.

To those who are wading through a mountain of pain and sorrow right now, please know that it will be OK. Take time to grieve your loss. Talk through your feelings, even if it's no more than ramblings. Live your life in a way that honors the memory of the precious lives that were taken. Push out the anger and fill your mind with a positive outlook. I promise this approach will bring more peace and joy.

There may be some people who are angry at God. I was not. In Columbine's aftermath, my faith was an essential part of my healing process. There's a scripture passage that I take comfort in:

Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, the design of your God concerning those things which shall follow after much tribulation. For after much tribulation come the blessings.

I believe in God and trust that He has a plan for our lives. His added measure of strength always comes at the moment when we've exhausted our best effort. When tragedies like Columbine or Sandy Hook happen, we are reminded of the fragility and precious nature of life. This gives rise to the question, what will you do with the time you have?