Hi. My name is Clark and this is my blog. My intent is to entertain and I'd like this to be more than "Clark And What Pisses Him Off" (although there will definitely be some of that) so I'll be posting some short humorous fiction as well. I hope you like it.
WARNING: Sometimes I will cuss. And I will also embellish facts (ie: lie) in the interest of making things funnier than they really are. Just so you know.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Nature: Sometimes it makes me laugh

I have never, ever in my life smoked pot. I know some people might not believe that. That's okay, believe what you like (although, if you knew my dad, you wouldn't be surprised: "Get out of bed. 'Scared Straight' is on PBS and you're going to watch it and you're going to get something through that thick skull of yours", "Okay...but I'd like to state for the record that I'm, like, eight years old", "Get your ass out of bed!"). At any rate, even though I've never been a smoker or a toker, I'd probably be good at it, based on the fact that sometimes the stupidest shit cracks me up for no good reason whatsoever.Exhibit A: Turtles. Turtles to me are hilarious. Why? I have no idea. They just are! The other day, I took this picture of a turtle near the pond out in front of my apartment:

﻿

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!

﻿I know, I know. There is absolutely nothing funny about that. It's just a turtle and he's just sitting there, doing nothing. He's not even moving. There is nothing happening here that's even mildly amusing, let alone so hysterically funny that I could barely take the picture. In fact, noting how funny it isn't is making me laugh all over again. I love animals. I really do, but maybe it's because some of them, like turtles, are so inherently ridiculous. With turtles, you have the shells, the flippers, the little head poking out. It's ridiculous!"I'm ridiculous?", the turtle would rebut. "I am a member of the animal kingdom with a perfectly defined role in the natural order of things that has been established and carried out over millions of years. Look at you, walking around on two legs, wearing clothes, spending generations of lifetimes inventing ultimately useless things like styrofoam and internets. Cripes, your species still haven't even figured out what you can and can't eat yet! If anything, you're the one who's ridiculous, my friend." To which, I reply, "Oh really? Check out this photo that I took at Lowry Park Zoo":

CBS Tampa's Most Valuable Blogger Award 2011 Winner

Who's this guy?

Originally from Benton Harbor, Michigan, I have lived in the Tampa Bay area for over 20 years now. I am a published writer with numerous internet columns, magazine articles and a documentary film credit. I've also done professional announcing and acting. I like to make fun of stupid people in positions of authority when they do stupid things. While that implies that I think I'm somehow superior to them, nothing could be further from the truth.