My girlfriend works for Tiffany & Co. and is sort of a fantical Angelina Jolie fan. She showed me this registry on Tiffany’s website today which looks like it’s for Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s wedding. She said she doesn’t know for sure if it’s authentic, but it might be…”

He requested I not use his name for fear his girlfriend would lose her job because of him and thus withhold sex from him, so I’m understandably leaving Crotch’s name out of this. Oops. Okay, no, his name isn’t really “Crotch”. Even if it was, nobody, not even his girlfriend, would believe somebody was really named “Crotch” unless their mother’s name was Gwyneth or Demi. And even then, it still wouldn’t be a name ridiculous enough for those broads to give their offspring.

It appears to be a June wedding, by the way. And they want 30 vegetable spoons at $270 a piece. I’ll get right on that.

Angie, Brad, kids and fetus during one of the stops on their current world tour: