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Ah, good old Pokemon -wait, what?Note: Most music files will not currently work because ripway.com sucks. To be fixed soon!

For those who do not know, there are a pair of old GBC games called 'Pokemon Diamond and Jade'. They're infamous for their talk of curry and random swearing and hilarious engrish!

Said games are really badly pirated and translated games called 'Keitai Denjuu Telefang', which was another monster-collecting+fighting game that was only ever officially released in Japan (it also got a Japanese-only sequel). But said piraters tried to pass their poorly translated works as Pokemon games, completely with box art and a different title screen! Within the game though (bar it being in English Engrish and having the odd problem with saving in cases) it was simply the Telefang game, with no Pokemon to be found inside.

'Pokemon Diamond' was the 'Power version' of Telefang, while Jade was the 'Speed version'. (I don't believe they're referring to that sort of speed, but...). Well, have a Telefang box art pic

Spoiler:

But it's not a bad game - some tough battles, frustrating mazes, catchy music and very entertaining engrish - what's not to love? ;p

I've decided to replay this game - I actually had a game pak with this as a kid which provided me with many, many hours of confusion. Hope you enjoy it too!

Note I'll throw up tunes when they come up in the game via sound clip player windows! Press play to, well, play, and if it lags it's not my fault.

Warning - swearing is abounds in this game in some stages. But it's engrish swearing so it's all good! ;p

Part One - Down the Rabbit Hole!

Or part of the long intro sequence in which a lot of baseballs happen.

Spoiler:

Wow, I can't believe it's not Pokemon!

We're greeted with this highly convincing title screen, which seems to suggest this strange snake thing has three of the Chaos Emeralds. (At this stage the games appears to be as much Sonic as it is Pokemon).

But this is as exciting as the title screen gets, so let's watch the intro video - maybe we can see if there's any Pokemon there.

Any Pokemon here, I wonder?

...no, it doesn't seem so. Darn.

...what is that, anyway? Pyramid Head? The local hobo? Who knows!

Clearly what was found startles what appears to be our HERO™ though.

Suddenly, lots of trees. Maybe it's Viridian forest, or-

Oh is it a Pokem-no, it's a...thing. With a phone.

Something tells me we're not in Kanto. Or Kansas.

Our HERO™ would like to tell you that today's LP is brought to you by the letter 'S', as seen on his helmet.

The 'thing' that appeared earlier is now angry. Maybe he doesn't like the letter S? Or maybe he too wonders where all the Pokemon are.

One gets a feeling a showdown is about to go down...

...only the intro video cuts out then as the two things face off. Aww. I was expecting an epic chess duel or something. :< And so much for Pokemon.

We might as well get on with the beginning part of the game!

The main menu screen. It's phonerific.

The game allows you to set up the- no, decide time! - when you start a file, which does have a visual effect (day/night feature, so you will).

Well, at least it doesn't say 'make your time'.

Look at that character walk about like a pro. Clearly he must be an important character of some sort!

Well... don't believe everything you hear, kid? Already we are informed that there's another world and we can presume the strange creatures are electric monsters.

Because, you know. They were totally packing a lot of electricity? =/

And that's why he shall stand in front of it for the time being. You show that tree who's boss!

Suddnly, a wild baseball attacks!

The native baseball is prompt to defend its home tree against any intruders.

Darn right, kid.

And the engrish already breaks down for the first time - fly over...what? The tree? The ball? The text boxes!?

Meanwhile, our HERO™ is also walking about.

Yes, please do.

And another person who comes with her own theme music. They also like jumping!

...actually, that's a lie. EVERYONE in this game likes jumping. It's like the secondary method of speech in the game.

Oh no she didn't.

Such an outrageous comment prompts our HERO™ to show off his jumping skills. Observe the jump of anger!

Our HERO™ calms down to point this out to 'Miyor'. And compared to apparently magical trees, it shouldn't be that special anyways.

(Sungki being the fellow who nearly suffered death via baseball).

So in other words... please go walk through that tree?

~If you're happy and you know it jump up high!~

And here the translators display their lack of knowledge of female pronouns like 'she'. Anyways, saying such things was rather rude...or maybe it was just that she didn't pick up the ball. That must be it, seeing that baseball seems to be rather important thus far.

_He_ may be a _cute guy_ as well. Maybe our HERO™ is blind or something...

Yes, let's. Oh, boy, I haven't been this excited about seeing a ball in years! (I presume he is also either talking to himself, or his helmet).

Heh, cool that I got one person to recall them wacky adventures. =p And yes, that was always a confusing aspect of the game, especially considering some of the telephone calls...

Anyways, let's get right through that intro!

Part Two - A Whole New World
Or the rest of the long intro sequence in which a magic phone happens.

Spoiler:

So where were we?
Ah yes, plummenting to our dooms. Let's get that bit over with already.

Sungki seems initially concerned by Bek falling directly on his head but then decides the tree stump is far more interesting.

The tree stump probably isn't the one to ask, just saying.

The tree stump's silence angers Sungki into more jumping!

Indeed it is - what a rude tree stump.

Well, I guess a mere headache isn't so bad considering how long you were falling there for...

Oh no!

Yes, what are you taking about. There's nothing strange going on here! Stop that crazy talk.

Ah, the pause for dramatic effect.

Le gasp!

When in doubt, turn around and then jump!

No, it's Munchkin land. With all that jumping you flew over the rainbow, obviously.

How old is this phone we're talking about here? I mean, I remember the old-style phones which had an antenna, but three, let alone four?

(He's possibly referring to the signal strength which shows four, but who can tell? Still just as outdated!)

Phones are very magical, it seems.

Always with the shooting, aren't you, Sungki.

A 'hard won portable'? A wonna is Bek? Clearly Sungki is too caught up in rambling to himself in a desparate attempt to try and make sense, while Bek is likely thinking to himself 'baseballbaseballbaseballbaseballbaseballbaseballbaseballbaseballbaseballbaseballbaseballbaseball'. A distraction is needed!

...yes, I suppose a random, talking turtle-like creature suffices.

Creepy turtle is creepy.

'Selected to stand and listen to Sungki wave phones about? Sadly, yes. Say, do you like baseball?'

"I like baseball. Do you like baseball?"

He's clearly not a 'man', Sungki. And find out what?

Gotta like something!

Wait, I though we were going to find out something? And look, another creature too.

This prompts a yes/no response. Saying no has him give you a Brief History of the Electric Monster's World, and then he repeats the question. Fun times!

The general gist of said history is that the worlds were separated by 'dark curtains', but mankind figured a way to go through them (by walking?). They brought with them phones to make friends with the e-monsters - the 'D-shoot'. Exchanging phone numbers become custom between friends, although now stronger e-monsters had more numbers than other ones. Hence, combat between them and winning was how they got more numbers, and battling was referred to as 'making phonecalls'.

If not, then don't worry, that was probably the best-translated part of the entire game! Let's find out why this...thing told us to come here.

Like Pokemon, names of creatures are in CAPSLOCK. FOR COOLNESS.

Blah Blah woe is village. I guess that's why pipelines are good things!

They're not worried - they looks very worried! Now that's worrying.

What sort of trouble, I wonder? Does he run about yelling obscenities, or steals everybody's left shoe?

I don't think Bek has moved an inch thus far inside the house. Not even a mere jump.

A friend! A friend of you, Bek!

Whatever you say, Not-Sandslash.

Phone Numbers is essentially like the telefang version of catching creatures. Now they do your bidding and all that jazz! Pity that doesn't work in real life. =(

It's the map that YOU have to fill in!

This can be regarded as a [fourth wall] which has been broken.

Sungki finally speaks and makes little sense.

'Quiet, Not-Sandslash, I'm still trying to find the baseball.'

...

Yeah, perhaps leaving is for the best, Bek.

And now we're outside! What fun.

Thus ends the intro sequence! Now one can control your character! But first, let's examine this map.

This map.
It is the best map!
Look at the places on that thing-
The map's blank. We have to fill it in _ourselves_.WHO WOULD DO THIS

Ok maybe the phone will be more interesting.

Phone is for calling! Call is for reading calls! Excitement!

Amusingly in the 'Options' part, there is a 'magic' option. Maybe the phone really does work on magic?
However, I do not know what this option actually does. ._.

The 'Mons' option is essentially your E-monster Dex of the game.

Never has a dex entry been so interesting.

This was the turtle-like creature.
Who asked Bek 'is that a cute kid' and proclaimed that he would show us 'funny things'.
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay Telefang.

An explanation of stats and then some actual playing sequences - complete with battles - awaits in the next part! Which'll come whenever I can be bothered! =D

Part Three - Looking for NETARO
Or a lot of walking north in which for the patient reader, curry increase!

Spoiler:

BUT FIRST let's examine the stat screens to see what stuff means!

...or you can just skip the following spoiler! It's not that exciting.

Spoiler:

Not-Sandslash (whose name has been shortened for the stat screen...despite that the remaining two letters might fit in anyway!) is 'Knd wood' - of the wood type, in other words. His personality trait is also to 'get angr' (or 'angry'), which is also represented by the lightning bolt. It means for Not-Sandslash, he'll sometimes 'attack freely' - attack without you telling him to do so! (And how about that - Telefang had personality traits before Pokemon had natures, let alone its own 'personality traits').

LV is level, and you start at 5 with the starter e-monster (and max out at 99). HP is HP, FD is... a happiness trait it appears to me as it goes up upon winning battles and the such, and EX is EXP. Maximum you need to level up is 99, btw.

SP is speed, hit is attack, and fend is defense - obvious enough. Bolt however stands for 'special attack' - and what that means is the ultra-super-special-awesome attack only some (usually evolved) e-monsters get. 'Teleg' is the defense against such attacks, or so I assume...

And finally - moves (or 'strategy'). Dive is an attack (akin to Tackle), and Diverge boosts his attack - like Howl. The last one Not-Sandslash learns later! Excitement!

And so ends the exciting tour of the statistics. Time to explore the world!

We have a time display and whatnot at the bottom, while the signal strength showing changes area to area...and is actually pretty important. We have 500 BL... boring lives? Brown lyrebirds? Bloody limbs? Oh, and we have full healt-

OH LOOK TREASURE

Just when you think you've struck it rich, it turns out Bek is too weak to move a box. Or unable to climb over it. Even Not-Sandslash cannot do anything to it. Truly the toughest of obstacles.

I bet this is all the tree stump's fault.

'It is truly a exciting place. Can we go home now to watch the [baseball]?'

Aw, bugger. I guess we have to go help out then. That crafty turtle-lizard...thing.

It seems Bek already got his running shoes on though...

You can run so fast you cut the grass! And from the grass you can get currency and hearts! HMM, this sounds awfully familiar...

Suddenly, a KESI. Oh god that's not familiar in the slightest.

Ah, our first battle. Fight is...well, fight, Position means 'check out the opponent's stats and whatnot', and Escape is Escape.

Bek has Not-Sandslash as a friend, but nobody else... so sad. Anyways, during a battle you can call other e-monsters to help you, but if you don't have any other phone numbers, then you 'didn't call the mate!'

...Miao? Does this KESI believe it is a cat?

That was not very nice, KESI. =(

Ah, good old engrish. What it means isn't hard to figure out, but oh dear, what an awkward way to word it.

Despite being only one level higher, Not-Sandslash is clearly superior, dealing some 17 points of more lost!

...well, not really - catching in this game actually means getting the creature's phone number (I assume you got a good glimpse of their phone...right?). But despite beating up this KESI to a bleeding pulp and giving it the inability to sit down for a week, it refused to tell us its number! How rude.

On the flip side, exp points get...and balls?

Yes - it turns out BL stood for BALLS. The currency of the electric-monster's world is ball!

And Bek now has 531 balls!Yeeeeaaaaaaah.

As a side note - any HP lost n a battle can be regained by waiting, or waiting and mashing the B button. Take that, Pokemon Centres!

This means...that the attack was super effective. For the telefang bootleg, engrish increase!

Level up Grade raise!

These are such amazing stat gains!

Clearly this grade raising business impressed the OSIE.

What a wimpy entry.

That's enough of this showing of battles business for now - let's get moving and talking to people.

This thing tells us what types there are in the game. Not an interesting fellow either...

Yes, and it's once too many- oh hey a shop. I wonder what kind of stuff they sell here?

...ok, maybe they like mining or something?

It's not just a card - it's a P-card! But...what does the P stand for? Is this a Pokemon card?

Well this I can agree with-

What.

...or maybe this is the D Shoot everyone talks about? =/

Yeah, maybe we'll just buy the game for now.

Seems everyone is waiting for this NETARO bloke to deliver the water already. Maybe they should tell KESI to stop spitting breakfast in it - then it'll be cleaner! And look - a person who does not look like Frankenstein's monster!

That's the entire content of that phone call. Well, have you had sense, Telefang?

Let's just walk north already and get to that place.

It's a bird!

A very mean bird. =( Note that flying stuff is super-effective against Not-Sandslash here.

Luckily it was foolish and attacked OSIE who is strong against it! (Somehow).

I was...unaware that birds had teeth...

Hmm, shopping for 'D Shoot', maybe? =/ But let us investigate.

Yes, I think Bek is a human... not necessarily a bright one, but he still counts!

How rude indeed!

More talking reveals he wants to just make friends with the electric monster...but wasn't the thing complaining about him one? And why does he have 'no interest in human being'? Man, this game is confusing.

I don't even know anymore. Why didn't anyone buy him an alarm clock!?

By 'take care', you mean...?

So that's why nobody else wants to go wake him up? How rude. You're all a bunch of wimps. =(

Nooooo not more engrish!

Sometimes your 'friends' will call you and tell you what item a particular species may want.

'That is the kind even though are not able to use but prefer'. Okaaaaay. If I get a computer I'm keeping it for myself.

Yes, I'm glad you agree with me.

What has happened here that isn't strange?

I hate it when that happens!

I am not even sure what [Midew T] was supposed to have been in English...

Man, what a nasty guy.

...mood swings?

Yes, I'm sure it would.

Bek also demonstrates an inability to lift barrels (despite him holding a drill and whatnot back in the shop just fine).

A speech! I wonder if he'll tell us something useful...

Hi, Dr Nick!

Oh god no. A politician!

You know a politician is desperate for votes when he decides that he'll use a curry store as a way to gather up votes. But then again, half of everyone seems to be crazy, so.

Then he walks off after jumping multiple times.

I wonder who is the more confused - Bek, for meeting a politician who promised to build a curry shop so he can become the Prime Minister, or the e-monster who doesn't even know what is the thing that the politician promised?

Ok, moving on away from the crazy curry cult... oh wait, OSIE was one of them. D=

EGADS!

Suddenly, a hole.

Ah, we must be getting closer finally! Whenever you see silly statues with faces you know you're nearly there!

I'm both elated and annoyed at this LP. /was planning to make a fanfic about Pokémon 'Diamond'... but regardless. |P I was amused considerably, but of course remain confused by virtue of it having anything to do with Diamond/Jade... yeah. I'm sure that a Let's Play of this game will produce much snickering as time goes on.

Yeah, I suppose on doesn't often here about a LP with engrish AND curry... Hurrah for you finding it amusing though. =)

Quote originally posted by Giratina ♀:

I'm both elated and annoyed at this LP. /was planning to make a fanfic about Pokémon 'Diamond'... but regardless. |P I was amused considerably, but of course remain confused by virtue of it having anything to do with Diamond/Jade... yeah. I'm sure that a Let's Play of this game will produce much snickering as time goes on.

According to wikipedia, 'Mildew refers to certain kinds of mold or fungus', so even then it seems odd (or maybe not that odd considering it's telefang) that they ask if one is a mold/fungus trainer?

And...

Part Four: Still looking for NETARO
Or wandering about a cave and finding out what a trainer looks like.

Spoiler:

Ok, let's get to exploring this place and wake up someone already.

And that's why you are running about in circles in this room, right? Gotta love helpful NPCs.

When you enter a new place, it takes extra time for your friends to reach you. And if that's the case...

...then sometimes you will be called during the battle to be informed that they will be late. How helpful.

While exploring, Kokia decided to share the following:

I can't say i know who or what BURTAMAS is but how does a screwdriver increases his exp?

So essentially, don't give him a screwdriver or he'll break everything with it.

The cave is hardly entertaining...no crazy mazes or the like.
See? Boring.

More water but still boring!

Oh hey a guy with a hat.

Not here, clearly...

'Well Not-Sandslash, you heard the guy. Let's go back and find some baseball!'

Only Bek then proceeds to look about and decide he's too darn lazy to walk all the way back. To be fair, this game is troublesome for him.

Ok, take a good look at the man in the overworld and what this 'KAKUZATO' actually looks like. The 'start to enter' bit can be taken in a bad way too.

He'll proceed to send out a monster to match your Kuribute and may call up to two others while you can call up to two other e-monsters too.

Of course both of mine decided to get lost, despite having found their way here before. The battle is easy enough though - Kesi is nothing to write home about.

Upon winning:

And then the guy runs off. But wait, that was the name of the politician who promised curry... hmm. Now we have politicians that seem to look like telefang's version of pedobear, great.

Crossroads! Let's go down.

The creature sounds confused, and to be honest I don't blame him.

Let's give him a talking to then!

But we want to-

He places emphasis on his order by jumping as well. Bek is convinced by this jumping and hence you are unable to get past him. Oh well, going back up...

So now it is the trainer of fungi or mold they look for? At any rate, the door is locked and remains so for a good while, and is unimportant anyways.

Ah, a politician demonstrating how to use one's head. Hang the fact it's locked - open it anyway!

The politician fails.

How vague.

Yes, I can see you running into locked doors.

The politician leaves, and Bek begins to...think I suppose. At any rate, 'that guy' has the key. At least here it is not too hard to figure out who here has it as we've got a confused creature, a man running around in circles and an angry guy stopping us from going anywhere.

Let's go-

Suddenly a random battle from...

...um, what looks like a decapitated warthog. =(

An aggressive decapitated warthog, my mistake.

Damn straight.

So apparently it has limbs, but I still remain sceptical given the appearance and all. =/

Watching politicians run into stuff and encountering even weirder looking things.

Oh shut up already.

And by asked, I mean he kept talking about the history of this world until I said yes.

Hey, wait a second, Bek just said he was asked to wake him up, is all!

I think this is why MUSA asked us to go here instead of doing stuff himself.

I'm not sure why he wants to make a call when he doesn't call anyone else. Maybe he calls himself. 'Oh hey, NEJIRO!' 'Stop shouting my name.' 'Sorry, NEJIRO! Anyways can you beat this guy up for me?' 'No.' 'I'll be your friend!' 'Ok fine sheesh.'

Not that tough a battle on paper considering it's 3 on 1 in your favour, but it can be difficult if you haven't trained enough (he has a type advantage against Not-Sandslash) and/or you haven't gotten the phone number of anyone in the cave - because with some bad luck your friends get lost and it's one-on-one again.

Luckily that is not a problem.

Do what, exactly...?

Ah, he chose his super-awesome-special move, which is usually a one-hit kill when it hits. It however takes at least a few turns to charge (the DP bar which apparently stands for e-magic? is the display for that), and we don't need that long to win.

A fairly easy battle in this case. Take that, angry...thing.

Everything, I tell you! Because that's what one does when fleeing politicians. This puts everything in perspective - he probably mistook us for a politician. Maybe he doesn't like curry?

That's quite true...

NEJIRO continues to display thinking abilities. Durr hurr, you must be all politicians!

Bek's question prompts a lot of jumping.

Oh that's all right. I mean, you only repeatedly ignored what he said and threatened to kill us. That's an innocent-enough mistake!

'Ok, this is for your own good. Now go to sleep, or the politicians will get you!'

No, really - that's basically what he is saying. And you thought our pollies were bad enough. These ons kidnap and play dress-up.

Yaaaaay.

'Sorry about the whole beating to death business. Friends?'

Man, with friends like these, who needs enemies?

Yay.

And then he disappears, like a ninja or something.

A...Mo-gun?

Woot. Now to go open a door.

While travelling back, we get another phone call telling us HERIOPS likes propellers. And we also got our first instance of an e-monster learning a new move!

This is one of my favourite out-of-context telefang moments. Heck even context doesn't do much to savage anything. After all, Telefang gives one the impression the translator may have been high or something...

Oh look it seems we found him.

Bek is pretty serious business about this - you can tell by the jump.

As a note - imagine this scene with everyone jumping after they finish and/or start speaking.

Wassup!

'Won't somebody please think of the children!?'

Well, he would if he could be bothered to walk here himself.

'What do you mean, water? Who is this Musa? Who are you? Where are my pants?'

Politician noooooooooo

It's nearly 5 in the afternoon. =(

'Won't someone please think of the curry?!'

We're not called Jimmy!

Politicians keeping their word!? How much crazier can this game get!?

He is very happy.

But-

Bek eventually interrupts the jump fest by jumping himself.

Not sure why he's hating on the confused Netaro...oh well?

'I mean, just look at all this...water! You could get WET!'

Them fighting words.

So much for being called Bek.

Suddenly a woman shows up.

...Are you asking Bek out, or asking for a battle?

Ah, a battle.

The engrish is consistent, but not any better due to that...

And suddenly the game throws a level 10 at you with an advantage over Not-Sandslash. Fun!

The rest of her team.

Luckily they take a few turns to arrive, and if you are lucky enough to win before everyone else arrives the battle ends.

Noriwuts indeed. Some strange owl-like thing that tells us to come here...I'll pass.

Already better at fighting than Nejiro, it seems.

Ok, let's try to kill it before the others arrive-

Bugger.

But at least the battle goes all right...

The pink-thing with a tentacle was defeated from healing! Somehow.

And soon enough...

Victory!

But why did you even-

Well there she goes.

Females do not exist in the world of e-monster!

..unless that was a he. =(

This politician does not know how to use a phone. Yay!

Let what happen, the losing or the running into doors?

...bye?

'I'll only sleep for a few days at a time in future!'

No.

'It's not baseball, I'm pretty sure! This is boring!'

Another number!

Gotta like that the one responsible for the water supply is a sloth.

...A sloth with missiles in its hair. Ok.

Outside, and straightaway we get a call. Ah well, it can wait until the next update!

Monsters with confusing dialogue? A politician that wants to make a curry store and doesn't knows how to use a phone and thinks water is dangerous? A girl that (apparently) is a guy? This game is starting to get extremely confusing... Maybe if I played the game I would understand it. *downloads ROM*

Monsters with confusing dialogue? A politician that wants to make a curry store and doesn't knows how to use a phone and thinks water is dangerous? A girl that (apparently) is a guy? This game is starting to get extremely confusing... Maybe if I played the game I would understand it. *downloads ROM*

lol... I found it rude that I wasn't allowed to save... So yeah, it bored me pretty quickly (I once left the pc on when I paused and I played together with my brother, we got pretty far back then), At that time I couldn't read english. And the only thing that was familliar to me was "curry" Although at that time I only knew it as some sort of... Sauce...? So yeah... I pretty much skipped everything that is said. Looking at this LP makes me laugh since I now understand english. xDD

Ahaha ~ I also called kuribute Sandslash first but then I just said it's name correctly (somehow it reminds me of kirby...)

You wouldn't, but the creatures in the e-monster world do! =D And guns are not quite the 'worst' and such items actually do have a use in a way...but you will see. =p

Quote originally posted by Froslass_Maniac:

Oh i remember playing this as a little kid. ~

lol... I found it rude that I wasn't allowed to save... So yeah, it bored me pretty quickly (I once left the pc on when I paused and I played together with my brother, we got pretty far back then), At that time I couldn't read english. And the only thing that was familliar to me was "curry" Although at that time I only knew it as some sort of... Sauce...? So yeah... I pretty much skipped everything that is said. Looking at this LP makes me laugh since I now understand english. xDD

Ahaha ~ I also called kuribute Sandslash first but then I just said it's name correctly (somehow it reminds me of kirby...)

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