My husband has been secretly watching porn, ADVICE FROM BOTH MEN AND WOMEN NEEDED!

When my baby was 6 weeks old, I had a feeling my hubby had been watching porn, turns out I was right. While I was busy sorting four kids out downstairs.

I had to pratically drag the truth out of him, I was so shocked and hurt when he admitted it. I really thought we had something special.
I know loads of people think porn is healthy and normal, but what really annoys me is that we always agreed that porn was not for us, he even agreed that when people watch porn there must be a problem with their relationship.
So anyway its been four months now and I can't get over it. I feel disgusted and betrayed.
I've been trying to work out when everything went wrong with us, pretty sure it's because I don't look the same after having our children.
I can understand men who have wives who neglect their needs, and never satisfy them, but we had a good healthy sex life. I can't go too long without it, so he can't use that as an excuse.
It's really bugging me because even though he said he will never do it again I don't believe him for one minute. And part of my feels guilty for asking him to give it up (it's obviously been something hes enjoyed for a long time)
Will he resent me eventually when he gets over the guilt and starts missing his extra curricular activities?
So for all the guys out there who are happily married do you still need to watch it or are you completley faithful to your wives??
The whole thing is destroying me, we are fighting constantly about it. He is sorry about it, but at the same time I think he thinks I'm over reacting.
I love him so much it's ridiculous, but this whole experience has made me look at him in a whole new light. All of a sudden I have lost all faith in him, I don't trust him. Sometimes I actually want to physically cause him pain.
I sort of wish I never found out at all , but than again I hate being lied to.
I'm so angry because I even asked him on a few occasions if he ever wanted to watch it, tell me and we could try it together. I don't mean to offend anyone but the thought of him sitting in the loo with his phone (the phone I bought him it just makes me feel sick.
I asways thought I was a cool wife, I'm not naggy (well never used to be) I'm highly sexed, I'm laid back when it comes to him going out doing his own thing (again, used to be)
He's turned me into a complete nutter. Am I misssing something, should I just be trying it before I judge him?
Is it my fault?
rant over!

I'm confused, why do you think he's being unfaithful ? I understand that you don't like it, I don't particularly but it's just a visual buzz for most blokes. Men like the visual, women like the sensual...well thats my theory anyway

Is it because he did it in secret that is bothering you so much ?

I think you are in real danger of ruining your relationship over this if you don't calm down and put it in perspective. If you love him that much, you have to accept him warts and all and forgive him...maybe you are expecting too much of him, none of us are perfect and hes a man after all

Yeah I think I'm more annoyed because we have discussed this before and he has always been so against it, so theres me 'little miss perfect, don't even look at another bloke never mind risk hurting his feeling
I think if he'd been open about it all from day one I would of just accepted it, but ten years of lies is a p*** take.
And I think it hurts because he knew it would hurt me but done it anyway.
He had no need to do it.
I appriciate your comments though

I can understand why you might be shocked to find him watching it if you thought he was not interested in porn. But to be totally honest with you men are visual creatures and porn is a form of visual stimulation. I think this is being blown way out of proportion because you are making it sound like he has cheated on you when in actual fact all he has done is a bit of D.I.Y, it is not different to you sorting yourself out and using your imagination. A lot of the time it is the act the people on the screen are doing that men focus on not the woman and they put their partner in there head but look at the act in front of them to help things along if you get my meaning.

I personally do not think your OH has done anything wrong or really violated trust. But this is just my opinion and this is obviously a very big issue for you, maybe you need to look at why it is such an issue for you and if you are willing to let something trivial affect your relationship to the extent it already is. Just because you are not interested in or don't like porn doesn't mean your OH shouldn't. And if the convo you had about porn was at the start of your relationship then maybe he said what he thought you would be more comfortable with knowing how against porn you are.

okay so I'm not on the wrong post, I posted anon because I was so embarrassed. I feel like I've failed as a wife.
I always thought that I was enough for him and was giving him everything he needed.
I don't have a problem with porn, aslong as both people in the marriage are comfortable and honest with it.
My main concern is that there is more wrong with our relationship than just this. And maybe he just isn't happy with me.

I'm pretty certain all men watch it even those that say they don't, I believe there is a saying in the army something like " you're a wan**r or a liar " you have to try and move past it beng anything to do with you or what's wrong with you, all men like to visit porno land it doesn't mean they want to live there!

okay so I'm not on the wrong post, I posted anon because I was so embarrassed. I feel like I've failed as a wife.
I always thought that I was enough for him and was giving him everything he needed.
I don't have a problem with porn, aslong as both people in the marriage are comfortable and honest with it.
My main concern is that there is more wrong with our relationship than just this. And maybe he just isn't happy with me.

You haven't failed as a wife. And just because he watches porn doesn't mean you are not enough. Maybe this porn thing has brought more issues about your relationship to light? Do you struggle with self confidence? Because porn can not replace you and I don't think your OH is trying to do you? My OH watches porn sometimes but I know he still loves and wants me. I don't mean to sound blunt but maybe this is more about how you feel about and within yourself than him watching porn.

I can understand why you might be shocked to find him watching it if you thought he was not interested in porn. But to be totally honest with you men are visual creatures and porn is a form of visual stimulation. I think this is being blown way out of proportion because you are making it sound like he has cheated on you when in actual fact all he has done is a bit of D.I.Y, it is not different to you sorting yourself out and using your imagination. A lot of the time it is the act the people on the screen are doing that men focus on not the woman and they put their partner in there head but look at the act in front of them to help things along if you get my meaning.

I personally do not think your OH has done anything wrong or really violated trust. But this is just my opinion and this is obviously a very big issue for you, maybe you need to look at why it is such an issue for you and if you are willing to let something trivial affect your relationship to the extent it already is. Just because you are not interested in or don't like porn doesn't mean your OH shouldn't. And if the convo you had about porn was at the start of your relationship then maybe he said what he thought you would be more comfortable with knowing how against porn you are.

But that's whats bothering me the most. I'm not against it. I've offered it to him, and everytime he's said 'I don't need that, I've got you.' so I'm so confused. I'm starting to wonder if he was saying all that crap to prevent me from visiting those sites. I just feel that I must be doing something wrong now for him to feel different.

When my baby was 6 weeks old, I had a feeling my hubby had been watching porn, turns out I was right. While I was busy sorting four kids out downstairs.

I had to pratically drag the truth out of him, I was so shocked and hurt when he admitted it. I really thought we had something special.
I know loads of people think porn is healthy and normal, but what really annoys me is that we always agreed that porn was not for us, he even agreed that when people watch porn there must be a problem with their relationship.
So anyway its been four months now and I can't get over it. I feel disgusted and betrayed.
I've been trying to work out when everything went wrong with us, pretty sure it's because I don't look the same after having our children.
I can understand men who have wives who neglect their needs, and never satisfy them, but we had a good healthy sex life. I can't go too long without it, so he can't use that as an excuse.
It's really bugging me because even though he said he will never do it again I don't believe him for one minute. And part of my feels guilty for asking him to give it up (it's obviously been something hes enjoyed for a long time)
Will he resent me eventually when he gets over the guilt and starts missing his extra curricular activities?
So for all the guys out there who are happily married do you still need to watch it or are you completley faithful to your wives??
The whole thing is destroying me, we are fighting constantly about it. He is sorry about it, but at the same time I think he thinks I'm over reacting.
I love him so much it's ridiculous, but this whole experience has made me look at him in a whole new light. All of a sudden I have lost all faith in him, I don't trust him. Sometimes I actually want to physically cause him pain.
I sort of wish I never found out at all , but than again I hate being lied to.
I'm so angry because I even asked him on a few occasions if he ever wanted to watch it, tell me and we could try it together. I don't mean to offend anyone but the thought of him sitting in the loo with his phone (the phone I bought him it just makes me feel sick.
I asways thought I was a cool wife, I'm not naggy (well never used to be) I'm highly sexed, I'm laid back when it comes to him going out doing his own thing (again, used to be)
He's turned me into a complete nutter. Am I misssing something, should I just be trying it before I judge him?
Is it my fault?
rant over!

God there are a lot of these threads lately

Firstly the reason you probably had to drag it out of him was because judging from this post it was because of your reaction and how you would feel about him watching it, and by reading this i think he maybe right.

I am one of them people who think porn is healthy as my husband watches porn and we will also watch it together.

You say you thought you had something special why have you not got something special you have acted like hes cheated on you, its not the case. Hes a man a lot of men watch porn ( not all i have to add but a lot).

I NEVER neglect my husbands needs i put his before my own, and our sex life is great. We both think this.

By the way you are speaking you have took him watching porn personally, you are looking at your body, the way you look as his reasons this is not the case, nobody can look the same when they have had children. We just have to try our best.

I think its wrong you have made him promise you he should never watch it again, its probably put him in the position where he has to lie to you because he does not want to hurt your feelings but he enjoys porn and does not want to stop watching it.

Like i say we both watch porn and were both FAITHFUL to each other, just because you watch porn does not mean you are being unfaithful. Its you he loves and you he goes to bed with every night and it is you he has chose to spend the rest of his life with.

You say its destroying you, and you are fighting because you want to stop him, and he does not want to stop, i really do not think you need to be fighting over it, its people HE will never meet. Its tv. I cant believe you would want to cause his physical pain over it.

You haven't failed as a wife. And just because he watches porn doesn't mean you are not enough. Maybe this porn thing has brought more issues about your relationship to light? Do you struggle with self confidence? Because porn can not replace you and I don't think your OH is trying to do you? My OH watches porn sometimes but I know he still loves and wants me. I don't mean to sound blunt but maybe this is more about how you feel about and within yourself than him watching porn.

Maybe your right. I did have a really low self esteem issue after the birth of our 1st child. I was 16 and lets face it image is everything at that age lol.
But slowly I began to feel good about myself again.
Maybe I'm reacting so bad because of the timing of it all. Our baby was only 6 weeks old when I caught him. My hormones are surely not back to where they should be. Or maybe I'm a complete and utter fool to think he was different. when I look back I must of been so nieve, but then again I was just listening to what he was telling me.

okay so I'm not on the wrong post, I posted anon because I was so embarrassed. I feel like I've failed as a wife.
I always thought that I was enough for him and was giving him everything he needed.
I don't have a problem with porn, aslong as both people in the marriage are comfortable and honest with it.
My main concern is that there is more wrong with our relationship than just this. And maybe he just isn't happy with me.

Do not be silly how can you have failed being his wife. You do not have to be embarrassed its nothing to be embarrassed about because if you think that then we all must have failed.

You really are looking at it the wrong way, my husband would tell me i am everything he needs and he watches it.

I very much doubt there is a single thing wrong with your marriage or hes not happy with you. xxx

Firstly the reason you probably had to drag it out of him was because judging from this post it was because of your reaction and how you would feel about him watching it, and by reading this i think he maybe right.

I am one of them people who think porn is healthy as my husband watches porn and we will also watch it together.

You say you thought you had something special why have you not got something special you have acted like hes cheated on you, its not the case. Hes a man a lot of men watch porn ( not all i have to add but a lot).

I NEVER neglect my husbands needs i put his before my own, and our sex life is great. We both think this.

By the way you are speaking you have took him watching porn personally, you are looking at your body, the way you look as his reasons this is not the case, nobody can look the same when they have had children. We just have to try our best.

I think its wrong you have made him promise you he should never watch it again, its probably put him in the position where he has to lie to you because he does not want to hurt your feelings but he enjoys porn and does not want to stop watching it.

Like i say we both watch porn and were both FAITHFUL to each other, just because you watch porn does not mean you are being unfaithful. Its you he loves and you he goes to bed with every night and it is you he has chose to spend the rest of his life with.

You say its destroying you, and you are fighting because you want to stop him, and he does not want to stop, i really do not think you need to be fighting over it, its people HE will never meet. Its tv. I cant believe you would want to cause his physical pain over it.

My advice watch it together...... and chill out with your rants xx

I think everyones missing my point. I have offered on many occasions to watch it together.
I don't have a problem with porn if both adults are okay with it. He was not ok with it.
I haven't made him promise to give it up, he is saying he is put off it now, he doesn't think its healthy for a relationship all of a sudden. he will never use it again. I actually said to him, use it but be honest and he said it doesn't intrest him anymore-not one bit. So now I'm not only upset because he used to use it, I'm more upset because I just know he is going to use it again but lie about it again. I feel terrible that he can't be honest with me. Even after the lies I've said to him we should get a porno and watch it together (I am a supportive wife really) but he said no he doesnt need that anymore.
I guess I'm so angry that he feels the need to lie to me

In your post you say you could psychically hurt him because you're so angry that you found him watching porn and in the same post you don't understand why he wasn't honest with you! Maybe he was scared of your reaction!

You've said yourself you have low self esteem, I'm sure he's aware of this and just didn't want to make you feel any worse. Maybe he thought that when you offered to watch it with him you were testing him. Who knows.

If you have a great relationship otherwise please don't let this effect things. You certainly haven't failed him as a wife!

My husband watches porn on occasions, don't know how often as he doesn't tell me and I don't ask. Because I really am not b

In your post you say you could psychically hurt him because you're so angry that you found him watching porn and in the same post you don't understand why he wasn't honest with you! Maybe he was scared of your reaction!

You've said yourself you have low self esteem, I'm sure he's aware of this and just didn't want to make you feel any worse. Maybe he thought that when you offered to watch it with him you were testing him. Who knows.

If you have a great relationship otherwise please don't let this effect things. You certainly haven't failed him as a wife!

My husband watches porn on occasions, don't know how often as he doesn't tell me and I don't ask. Because I really am not b

I'm not convinced its the porn thats getting me so angry, I'm pretty sure its the lies.
Does nobody else think its abit strange that he has been so convinced that porn is bad for a marriage. I'm starting to wonder if he has moulded me to where he wants me. Like I have said I have suggested porn to him, he has always knocked me down.

I think everyones missing my point. I have offered on many occasions to watch it together.
I don't have a problem with porn if both adults are okay with it. He was not ok with it.
I haven't made him promise to give it up, he is saying he is put off it now, he doesn't think its healthy for a relationship all of a sudden. he will never use it again. I actually said to him, use it but be honest and he said it doesn't intrest him anymore-not one bit. So now I'm not only upset because he used to use it, I'm more upset because I just know he is going to use it again but lie about it again. I feel terrible that he can't be honest with me. Even after the lies I've said to him we should get a porno and watch it together (I am a supportive wife really) but he said no he doesnt need that anymore.
I guess I'm so angry that he feels the need to lie to me

What about him being embarrassed about it, maybe he would feel uncomfortable watching it with you because of the way you act... you did say you wanted to physically hurt him, maybe he thinks you will jealous when you watch it together, the only way you will have answers to your questions if you ask him xx

Maybe he uses porn as a stress relief, something just for him - maybe he doesn't want to watch it with you. Maybe he doesn't want you to feel unloved by admitting he wants to watch it. Maybe he's lied to save your feelings. I'm just throwing some possibilities out there.

I think the truth is - he clearly loves you a great deal and has been worried about causing you any upset.

Is not nice to find out your husband has ever lied to you but could he have only done it to protect your feelings and self esteem? Xxx

Does nobody think it's slightly odd how he has protested so much about porn. In early days I never ever told him I thought porn was wrong. we have had conversations about it and it has always resulted in us BOTH thinking it was best we left it well alone.
I think I've made myself sound like a total prude, it's not that at all. I would do anything in the bedroom for him, and he knows that. I think thats why I'm so confused.
You all say that you and your partners enjoy porn. I don't know if I do because I've never tried it, because I'd never risk hurting his feelings.