On Gender Norms

You may have noticed the idea of having or expressing gender normative behavior has become somewhat of a pejorative. I hesitated to share this due to the sensitivity of the topic and my desire to not wound those whose biologic sex and energetic gender are are not the same. That said I’ve been told that this is important enough to need saying and so I ask that it is read in the spirit of love, life and compassion that it is offered.

There are many incorrect and nonbeneficial beliefs associated with gender norms so let’s begin to unpack and clarify it.

“Gender Norms” or gender normative is the name for a set of behaviors associated with ones born “sex” within a specific culture. Each culture has its own set of gender norms that correspond to the gender designations of that culture.

What this means is that in cultures where there are two genders, there are behavioral signifiers for both, in cultures where there are three or four genders, there are signifiers for each of those genders.

Contrary to popular belief, there is no evidence to say that gender norms evolved to oppress women in any way. Quite the contrary, gender norms are NOT about the individual at all but are about the stability, furtherance, and sustainability of the tribe, group etc;

If gender norms are not about oppression what are they for… Are they good?

Yes, gender norms are actually very needful as can be shown by their being present in every culture globally and throughout human history. Before agricultural models, before democracy, before many religions, there were gender norms. Why?

Because of what they give to us, and this is the Hidden Alchemy in plain sight.
Gender Norms give us a fundamental and foundational human identity framework upon which we can build. Studies show that when given too many choices our satisfaction, contentment, sense of well being and happiness goes down.

This happens when it comes to even small things, however, the degree to which the choices cause stress increases with the size of choice we need to make. In other words, you experience some stress when making a dinner choice from a large menu. Your stress will increase when you need to choose where to live from a large menu of places, or how to raise your children from a large menu of perspectives.

The more potential outcomes and longer lasting the outcomes of a choice the more difficult and stressful it is to make a choice when you are presented with too many.

In the other hand, if your choices are narrowed down… It becomes easier.

Now take a young child and provide no clear gender identity. Expose them to no clear models or examples of Femininity or Masculinity … How will they choose? What will they choose? Do they have the wherewithal to make that choice?

You can likely see the problem.

One of our foundational needs as humans is for Place. The ability to know what is our position and place within our relationships, family, community, and society. We long for this more than anything. While there are times when the idea of “place” is pushed upon the individual in ways that are oppressive, by and large, this need for an understanding of place- for both ourselves and others serves us at a gut level.

To this end, Gender Norms give us clear models and identities that we can then use as a template to our joy, contentment, and interaction with one another.

If I know the position and framework of my gender then I need only add my brilliant uniqueness to this frame; the doing of which is appreciated by all, as it is needful. This is also true of my gender polarity compliment.

This also serves those who find that their biological sex and energetic gender do not align, as it REVEALS the truth of this non-alignment as opposed to obscuring it behind a lack of gender. In fact, in cultures where there are more than two genders, the third gender or fourth gender is typically revealed by the way one engages with the other two.

All of which is to say that the rise of a lack of Gender Norms, and the obscuring and erasing of gender normative ideas are not serving our culture nor our identities as Feminine Women. This is due to the dynamic polarity that exists between the Masculine and the Feminine. If there are no gender norms we create a neuter based culture. Neutrality means without power.

It basically disempowers and detaches us from the innate power available within our Feminine (or Masculine) essence and the ability to express and manifest that power through our Femininity or Masculinity.