Bit off more than we could chew?

For those of you who don't know who I am or why I haven't been around in a long while, let me introduce myself. My name is Cheryl and I've been a moderator on this site almost since day one. I have two english bulldogs, Orion who is 6 and Vegas who is 8. Vegas is special needs...suffering from epilepsy. Orion is just a brat.

I got involved with English Bulldogs in 2006 when my mom told me she and her soon to be husband adopted a 4 month old English Bulldog. I met him (Chesty) and fell in love. In 2007 I got Vegas and when my mom's two bulldogs become parents, I got Orion.

My mom was diagnosed in 2010 with breast cancer. She was @mom2bullies on here and she was fairly active up until this time. EBN was a lot smaller then and we openly shared our story with the entire forum. People fell in love with her and her fight. In 2012 my mom went into remission. In 2013 my mom went on vacation in St. Paul and suffered a brain bleed which hospitalized her for a month. I flew out there and helped take care of her until I could fly her home. In 2014 she was re-diagnosed with breast cancer metastatic brain and bone. Her husband (a very long and anger producing story) decided to manipulate my mom into believing it was fixable. Not only her...but he convinced us kids, the rest of her family and her friends. Over Christmas last year we learned that she had been given a 6 month terminal diagnosis and we only had about 2 weeks to 2 months left with her. Brain cancer had already taken it's toll...so I never really had another conversation with her. She passed away on April 26th 2015. Here is her story if you want to see it.

Why am I sharing this? Because I love and miss my mom more than any words can express and I'm so very angry.

My mom asked us to help her with her will in 2011, 2 days before her first breast mastectomy. In the will she left our childhood home to her kids...a few other items, and she asked me to take care of Cadence and Mello (Orion's mommy and little sister)

Her husband of 7 years has decided to contest the will and fight for our home. Along the way we discovered that this man who we believed to be a 30 year retired Marine Corps vet was nothing of the sort. In 1971 he enlisted in the army for 2 months before he was medically discharged. Everything we thought we knew about him was a lie. Currently he is living in our home, with our things, my mom's things....and he has his 44 year old daughter, 42 year old son and 30 year old nephew all living there also.

We went to court on Tuesday and the judge basically told us that if we don't attempt to settle out of court, the lawyers will get all of our inheritance. Trial and mediation are very expensive and my mom didn't have much to pass on.

My mom's dogs have been neglected the last 18 months...severely neglected. He claims they are well cared for. Tuesday at the hearing....(which he didn't show up for) I requested to take possession of the dogs. He (via phone) refused. I then requested to take them and get them vet care. He refused. So I then requested that HE take them in and I would pay for it. He accepted. He wants to take them in and have me pay for everything THEN I can get my hands on the vet paperwork detailing their health.

I told my lawyer no. I refuse to hand over a blank check for him to screw me. I made the demand that he has to use my vet clinic, my vet and I will pay them directly AFTER I approve of the care. (I will have to use care credit) I took this video the month before my mom died.

Chesty is to the left and Mello is to the right. Cadence is in the back (he claims she is dying of cancer...yet he doesn't medicate her against any possible pain)

All three have curled under toe nails, yeasty nose and ears. Chesty has an eye infection, cataracts... Mello had cherry eye and something went wrong after her surgery. Now she has a bubble growing inside the lower exposed eye lid.

I have legal proof that my mom is the sole owner of Cadence and Mello....and I even have someone wanting to take Mello and adopt her. But he wont hand her over.

I can't go and steal them and as far as animal control is concerned...they have food and shelter. So they are not abused.

I have so much anger I don't know where to direct it. My lawyer is encouraging me to settle out of court so that we will save some of our inheritance. (once 250,000.00 now about 50,000.00 due to him fighting and contesting the will) I have 2 siblings that are in this fight with me.

The longer I fight for the bulldogs...the more it will cost my family. But abuse and neglect are abuse and neglect and it hurts my heart to know that they could be hurting. I don't know what to do. I cry all the time... this is Orion's family. It's her mom, dad and baby sister.

I'm really looking for some advice. Do I just pay for their health care, medication.... and risk leaving them with him?
I'm also looking for your thoughts and your prayers.

How is this NOT abuse? This is Mello's toenails just a few weeks ago.

This is just a portion of what I want to say. It's all in my head.... I just don't have the proper way to say it and have it make sense.

Re: Bit off more than we could chew?

Cheryl I'm so terribly sorry to hear of what you're going through. I wish I had some helpful advice or an easy answer for you but unfortunately I have neither. I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your mother, I'm sure it's especially difficult during this time of year. I will be keeping you and your family and Cadence and Mello in my thoughts and prayers. Have you thought about trying to talk to a mediator?

Re: Bit off more than we could chew?

JD.... I hate that man. He stole your time to grief, he stole those beautiful bulldogs, he stole you. I think you should really consider the lawyer but I hate that man so much I almost want you to fight him until there is nothing left, but that is easy for me to say standing from the sidelines.... Cheryl I know this is killing you inside, the unfairness of it all, but maybe it would be better for you to let it go, so you can start a real grieving process over the loss of your mom instead of all the anger toward that disgusting pig of a man!

Everyday is a party when you own a bulldog!CLICK HERE to Sponsor a rescue Bulldog!

Re: Bit off more than we could chew?

This just breaks my heart. If I was in this situation I think the only reason I would go on would be for the dogs. Money obviously helps, but money comes and goes. If I didn't need the money, I would make a list of some things I'd want as memories, things that's valuable to you and your family and ask for that and the dogs, and in return he can keep the money. But at the same time I'd be so insanely angry that it would be hard to let him get anything at all... it's a nightmare situation to be in and I'm so sad this has happened to you.

To me it's incredible that the will your mom signed is being disregarded, I just don't get it.

Is there no way your vet can help you get the dogs away from him? You have the papers so can't you just pick them up from the vet and claim them? Clearly they are being neglected. Ffs, I'm getting so mad, is there no other place than animal control that can do something for the dogs? Isn't there a charity animal something something that can at least get access to the dogs now and then to treat them and groom them? It's not fair that you have to pay and he keeps them, even though I totally get why you'd do that. It's family.

I do think of you, every day, I was hoping everything would be ruled in your favor, this man doesn't deserve anything, he's a parasite.

You were born with the ability to change someone's life, don't ever waste it.

Re: Bit off more than we could chew?

This is not at all the same but I found out about a month ago that the idiot of a man my mom is/was dating (I don't know the status cos she tells me they don't see each other) but anyway. He did some low stuff before this but what he's doing now is taking advantage of my moms situation and that makes my blood boil. My mom has lung cancer, it has spread and the treatments are not working as they used to. Only hope is if something new comes out very soon that can stop it from spreading before this chemo is powerless.

He made my mom take a loan and he took the money, so now she has to pay it off and she didn't see a cent of it. Obviously she shouldn't have agreed to it but it's like this man has some power over her. My brother told me this cos they were at his house a few weeks ago cos this man wanted my mom to take out a SECOND loan cos he needed money. Thankfully my moms pension couldn't carry another loan so she got denied, but seriously, how can people live with themselves? My brother was furious when he called me but what can he do

You were born with the ability to change someone's life, don't ever waste it.

Re: Bit off more than we could chew?

Sorry for all you're going thru!!

My family went through the same kind thing when my dads mother passed away. She gave up at the age of 97 when she found out my dad was diagnosed with cancer and likely wouldn't live more than a few months since it was too far along and not an easy surgery. Cancer of the bile duct. He lived for 16 months after her passing but his sisters kids fought him over my grandmothers will and he died without anything being settled. The fight for her estate became tougher then and we fought them until their attorney figured out they were about too start losing money since he took them on pro bono. Once it was all over the attorneys made around 400k per side and we all lost out on a lot of money and my dad never seen a dime of any of it. 4.5 years of $850 per hour attorneys.

Re: Bit off more than we could chew?

Cheryl, I am so sorry for all you have been and are going through!
It boils my blood knowing these animals are being neglected and that Animal Control chooses to ignore this problem! Maybe you could get The Humane Society of the United States involved? At least call them for advice. Those dogs should NOT be in that environment!! Just seeing that poor baby in the corner is so painful to watch. Here is their site w/all the numbers

Re: Bit off more than we could chew?

Cheryl, I am so so sorry you are going through all of this. It is beyond imagining how evil some people can be when it comes to money. We went through something similar about 10 years ago and when one side refused to settle out of court and mediation didn't work, it was 5 costly years of going through the completely useless family courts. It cost everything and the only ones who really won were the lawyers and it was five awful years of stress, heartbreak, and frustration. But looking back, I don't think we really could have done anything differently. When one party refuses to settle, and you have loved ones at stake, then there really isn't much else to do. But there also comes a time that you just cannot fight anymore as well.

I wish I had better advice to give or knew more of the legal system. It is crazy that you have proof of ownership and a will and he can take possession of everything. How is he paying for court costs? Is there a chance that he might back down and be willing to settle when threatened with a long and expensive court battle? Do you have a lawyer that you trust?

You and your family and your mom's bulldogs are in my thoughts and prayers.

Re: Bit off more than we could chew?

Cheryl --- if you have a great relationship with your vet.... can you ask if they have any ideas or suggestions on how you could document the neglect/health issues which would help getting them removed -- as someone else mentioned, maybe get call the ASPCA and see if they have a route you can go

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There is a part of your heart not alive until a bulldog has entered your life.Nitschke (2004-2011) and Banks (2005-2014) -- My angels Thank you for all the love, fun and teachings

Re: Bit off more than we could chew?

Since he is only interested in money, can you try to make some kind of deal with him for the dogs? I know giving him anything is disgusting, but atleast it would give you a chance to help something your mom loved.

Re: Bit off more than we could chew?

Personally I would exhaust every route to get those dogs. Call the ASPCA, your vet, humane society, whatever until you know you can't do anymore. And then, and only then, would i move on and try to heal. In the end, he will pay for what he has done.
Money is just that...money. I bet those dogs meant more to your mom than that money did.
And F*ck that guy.....You reap what you sow, and he is not sowing anything good.