Everyone knows sex is the most important thing that we do as humans. Why
else would God make sex feel so good?

Because we're here to populate the planet. If something else was more
important God would have made that feel better. For instance, dancing
feels good. But people go to dance clubs looking to find a new sex
partner. People don't go to whorehouses looking to find a new dance
partner.

Damn! Sometimes I'm so smart, my brain feels like it is too heavy for my
back. I need to get a brain-reduction.

NOTE TO SELF: If you lose any more IQ points you will legally be allowed
to mate with caribou.

So today I am here to share with you HogWild's Top 7 Sex Positions Women Love:

1 - Missionary Accomplished

The man is on top of the woman, his weight against her. Women love this
position because of the intense eye contact. The man is in great
position to thrust his jammy into her hoo-ha but he is ALSO in a great
position to listen to the woman talk about her day.

By the time she's finished talking the guy will be fast asleep. It's
just like he had an orgasm-- except less messy. The only fluids
ejaculated will be his drool on the pillow.

2 - Spooning

In this intimate position, the man sits opposite the woman and gently
spoons ice cream into her mouth. This position is especially exciting
for exhibitionists who like to do it in public places like restaurants
or parks.

3 - The "Who Needs a Rubber When You've Got Plastic?" Position

In this position the woman stands behind the man. She slowly slides her
hands down his chest, over his abs, and then she slides her right hand
into his pants pocket. She coos, "Oh, it's SO big!" He says,
"Um, that's
my wallet." She replies, "I know." Then she goes down, and with her
teeth, removes his credit cards. Then she goes to the mall.

The man leans back, supporting his weight on his outstretched arms
behind him. The woman leans back in the same position, situating her lady-hole
onto his meat thermometer. She feels ecstasy and throws her head
back, looking up at the ceiling. That's when she sees a spider. She
demands the man get up and squish it.

The man lays down on his back. The woman sits on his romance-pole,
facing away from him.

PROS: Woman more likely feel it on her G-Spot.CONS: Man less likely to be able to see the television.

Women love this position because they control the pace, you can slap her
booty, and most importantly since she's not facing you, she can be on
the phone.

6 - Doggy-style

In this popular position for women, the woman shouts commands and her
man obeys. He fetches things, he sits, and he rolls over. This gives the
woman extreme satisfaction knowing she has properly trained her man. Now
she feels confident that she can walk with him down the street without
him pulling away and checking out every bitch he sees.

7 - Sixty-Nine-West

This is sure to please both partners. This is where the man gets a
bl0w-job and the woman gets new shoes!

Want a kick-ass comedy show for your college or
party? Email
me for details.

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