It was a hard week that I pushed through and dropped another 1.8 lbs. The weather is warmer and there is hope to see some sun so I think this week will be a lot easier. I know I feel so much more in control now with there being far less "OMG I want to swan dive into an all you can eat buffet."

So if you are struggling and don't know how to get a grip, know this: everyone struggles, even those of us that have been at this a long time. The key is to never give up. Take each day as they come and focus on doing all you can on that day. I'm not perfect. But I am still down 145+ lbs from my highest weight. As long as you never quit and learn from your mistakes you can do this.

On the other side of this weight loss coin there is also a little matter of a 5K to be run on Saturday. I'm ready. The plan is to take it slow and steady doing run/walk intervals and a couple of 5 minute walks thrown in about 1/3 and 2/3 of the way through. This is my first official run so there is no pressure other than I don't want to finish last.

20 weeks back on plan and 52.6 lbs lost.
12 weeks on the DDDYC and 26.6 lbs lost.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

I'm up, breakfast has been eaten (egg beaters, mushroom, broccoli and mozzarella omelet w/ veggie sausage) and I am sitting here drinking my coffee while watching Mike Holmes on HGTV. Mike makes me want to drywall. I think building houses is very similar to math. There really is only one right way to do it. If you work the formula you get the right result.

My weigh in with Allan has been sent. It is a good loss and considering the really hard week that I've had it is a tremendous victory in the war against the fat. Even though my own body betrayed me and craved heavy carbs like an addict craves crack I did not take up permanent residence inside of my refrigerator. I dug deep and toughed it out. I feel proud.

I'm a bit tired this morning as my upstairs neighbor was engaging in some night time activities last night until well past midnight. Thus I have been debating whether or not to get dressed and go to church. I'm going to go because anytime I even think about not going and then go the message I receive is something I've really needed to hear. And I enjoy hanging out with my friend Angella.

Last night I downloaded my community college transcript and measured it against what I still need to take before I transfer to the University of Houston. I was shocked to learn that I only have to take 6 or 7 more classes and then I am ready. So instead of waiting until the Summer semester I plan on enrolling in the Spring Second Start semester that starts next month and knocking out 3-4 classes. If I do that then I can finish up during the summer and transfer to UH in the fall (instead of Spring 2012). I only have to take one relatively hard class - Plane Trigonometry - and the rest are easy classes like Digital Art, Geography and Environmental Science. The really cool thing about the rest of the courses in my chosen degree is that because I have so much experience in my career working in the field the computer science courses at UH are going to be an absolute breeze. I'm also thinking about declaring a minor in political science or history.

The NFL playoffs are a bit anticlimactic because does anyone really believe that it won't end with a New England Super Bowl win?

I hope everyone has a pleasant Sunday and enjoy what is left of the weekend.

Friday, January 14, 2011

This week has been hard to maintain my even keel on the diet track on a physical level. Emotionally I am good. Nearly everything is pretty rosy. I would rate myself about an 80 on the happiness scale.

Yet physically the cold and dreary days of the past week have been kicking my ass. It has to do with Seasonal Affective Disorder which I was diagnosed with when I was a child. I do acknowledge I have it but through sheer hard headed stubbornness I fight against it.

Symptoms of SAD may consist of difficulty waking up in the morning, morning sickness, tendency to oversleep as well as to overeat, and especially a craving for carbohydrates, which leads to weight gain. Other symptoms include a lack of energy, difficulty concentrating on completing tasks, and withdrawal from friends, family, and social activities.

When the freaks in this country are celebrating the clock rolling back to Standard Time in the fall I am about to lose it because I know I am going to be Emo Girl Walking for months until the first of the Spring like weather returns to Houston. Thank the Good Lord above that I live in this city because we don't experience true winters. But what we do get is enough to send me over the edge.

I have been teetering on the brink of that edge all week long. I haven't gone over it, but I have only just been holding on. The cravings have been especially fierce. I am not kidding when I say that I ache from wanting to stuff my face with bad crap that I KNOW I CANNOT EAT. I haven't eaten any of it, but I have really been deeply longing for it.

Today was a vacation day so I have kept myself home in bed in the warmth of my apartment and away from the cold and the gray skies. It has helped. I feel in control right now. I feel like I can breathe a little bit.

Weather Underground has been jacking with me promising rising temperatures all week but took all that back today and the forecast calls for more of the same. Oh joy! I know there are much bigger problems in this world, but for the purposes of my diet and my plans this has really been my own special torment. I feel like my inner Seymour is constantly crying out to Feed Me! and he never shuts up.

I don't want anyone to think that any of the above means I am in a dark place because I am not. All is pretty good. This, too, shall pass. I just have to hang in there until it does. Thanks for listening.

As for blogland I hope to get out and about and actually return the commenting love that y'all have heaped on me this week. It has been read and appreciated and some have made me chuckle quite a bit. You guys rock!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

I have got the best fan club around. All the people in my daily life gush over me every single day re: the weight loss. It gives a girl a big head let me tell you. There isn't a day goes by that I don't get some kind of affirmation that what I am doing is working.

This afternoon I was thinking about just how I felt back in the pre-diet days. I never felt like I fit in. I always felt like a massive freak of nature that was stuck so far out of the mainstream there was no way I could ever get there. My self esteem was in the toilet. I never looked people in the eye. Now I am normal. The fat girl in my head is slowly coming around to the new reality. She still tries to steer my eyes downward and avoid social situations, but it is getting easier to remember that those coping mechanisms aren't really necessary anymore.

Men give me a second look. It is such a rush to be noticed after living in the shadows for so long. I'm still not ready to give one of them a shot, but I'm getting there. I am going to shoot for venturing into the dating world this summer. If I give myself enough time to get used to the idea then it will make it easier to let down my guard enough to actually do it.

This ends the inward reflection.

I tried falafel for the very first time today. They were really good and surprisingly they are a great food for the diet at around 55 calories a piece. They were paired with a Greek side salad so I had a pretty decent lunch for not a lot of calories. I'm definitely working them into the diet on a weekly basis.

The weather is supposed to take a marked swing upward on Saturday and it won't come a moment too soon. If Houston can just stay in the 60s or 70s until March or April that will suit me just fine. I am ready for Spring and all the ease that it will bring. Normal blogging will resume.

I'm off tomorrow for the planned long weekend that I will enjoy for the next 3 weeks to burn off the remaining vacation days I can't roll over past February 11th. I plan on spending a relaxing morning in bed drinking my coffee and window shopping online for a mid century or art deco style dining room table that will be bought with my tax refund. I plan on filing that on Monday. If you have never filed online, do it and choose direct deposit. The refund comes in a matter of days vs. a matter of weeks. Plus you don't need stamps.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Hey. I wanted to let everyone know that I am still doing the Challenge even though I have not been updating my food logs daily. And if I don't visit your blog don't take offense. I am just not in an overly chatty mood.

The cold weather is messing with my mood and my appetite. I made some temporary changes (until Houston returns to normal, warmer weather later in the week) and flipped my eating to where I can have breakfast for dinner to satiate the insane hunger that is going on. I don't know why but I have a hard time wanting to stay on track when it is cold. I've got hunger and cravings galore. I'm not giving in to them, but they are seriously starting to be a pain in my ass.

As of this evening, Houston is supposed to return to the mid 60s by Saturday so I am hoping to get back on my normal schedule by then.

And the breakroom/kitchen at work? Today, strawberry and cream cheese danishes and two boxes of donuts showed up. All I want is to refill my water glass and I get ambushed by this crap. This insanity is just not helping the mood or the cravings either.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

When I weighed 370 lbs and had all that nice voluminous fat to keep me warm I used to love winter because sweating just didn't happen.

Now? I am wondering how in the hell long Houston's winter will actually be because I am a) cold as all get out and b) my appetite is on overdrive. 370 lb me didn't worry about calories or even about keeping to a diet unless it was whether to have a pint of ice cream to close out the day or not.

All that to say is that I don't like the cold weather because it makes me hungry and I crave fried chicken and macaroni and cheese and all the other high fat, high carb foods that made and kept me fat for two decades. I'm not going to eat all that stuff, but man I am wanting it REAL bad.

Another thing that is making me cranky and, really, the first politician that supports a bill to ban the presence of cheesecake or Girl Scout cookies from workplace break rooms across the land I am voting for. If have to move to their state and/or district, I will do it. It is frakking January, the official sponsor of diets, and our kitchen at work has been littered with crap all week long. It just ain't right.

This week I am down another 1.8 lbs. Looking at the cumulative total of weight lost since I got back on track tells me that being consistent pays off eventually. This 50.8 lbs lost is hard earned with daily focus and commitment. It feels good to watch the number on the scale go down each week. The best part about where I am now is that I am not stressing about the number. I mean, sure, I love the lower number but I am not so much focused on the scale as I am on doing the work on a daily basis to lose the weight. There is a big difference in how I view this process and how I feel about myself than there was when I began this journey on June 18th, 2008.

Fitness wise I am going strong and steady as well. The training for the 5K is on track and I believe that I will be able to finish the race in 45 minutes or less. The strength exercises are a blast with the squats being the most challenging for my less than graceful self. I expect to fall on my butt every time I do them. Coordination isn't my strong suit and losing weight isn't going to fix that. I have been a klutz since the day I exited my mother's womb.

19 weeks back on plan and 50.8 lbs lost.
11 weeks on the DDDYC and 24.8 lbs lost.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

All is good though. A trip to Church to hang with the Big Man Upstairs is in order and then a quick change into jeans and my favorite Converse tennis shoes for an afternoon of lunching (diet friendly of course) and shopping.

My weigh in, another loss going in the books, has been sent to Allan. As always tomorrow is the official weigh in here at the old blog post.

I hope to get another run/walk in this evening if the weather permits. If not, I will hop on the treadmill in the fitness center downstairs.

As for the accent, thank you ladies very much for your appreciation. It is startling to me that I still retain so much of Virginia in my twang. I was born there and moved to Texas prior to the age of 10. Although I love my native state with all of its richness of history and beautiful scenery, I am a true Texan in my heart.