When coming across my lovely blogger friend Vonnie's blog Socialite Dreams last week, I noticed she was participating in a summer fashion challenge called the Big Fat Summer Challenge. After seeing her look, I also saw that Ticka and Tavia were participating also! Each of these ladies had the most stylish looks (just scroll across their names to check them out). Viewing them prompted me to visit Jennifer's blog and take part in the challenge as well.

For the first day of my challenge, I decided to mark "wear short shorts" off my list.

Today I am being wooed by the crooning of none other than Jon B. His voice is so smooth and sultry that I immediately go into a sentimental mood just listening to him. Never mind the fact that one of my long lost loves from back in the day has a strong resemblance to him (that's another story for another day). Hope you enjoy the tunes from Jon B., starting with my favorite, "Pretty Girl".

1. All friendships and relationships are not meant to last forever. There was once upon a time when I believed that calling someone your best friend meant that person would always be a part of your life. During that time I also believed that when someone said they loved you, it also meant they would continue to love you through all the changes you both would experience through life. Fortunately for me, I woke up one day from that foggy slumber and realized that most friendships are seasonal. Including some that I have offered myself. This awakening also showed me that many relationships are merely a series of interactions in which we learn things about others at the expense of being forced to learn more about ourselves. Many that I've dated taught me how to love myself, how not to allow others to treat me, and how to treat others. Listening to "Who Knew" reminds me of the tragic ending of a friendship and tragic ending of a relationship that happened around the same time in my life. If someone would have told me then that my relationships with those two people would end, I would have never believed it. Simply because they said forever, and I believed it.

2. Know who you are and lean not on someone else's understanding of you. For if they leave, who will define you? When I became a new mother, I feel like every other title I had was lifted from me. I had totally forgotten who I was as a person. All I could focus on in life were the things I had failed to do (at the time I was a fresh college dropout) and the things I was afraid I would fail at (which was being a great young mom). Being that I was so "in-the-dumps" about myself and who I was as an individual, I allowed my relationship at that time to define me. I was a stay-at-home-mom and housewife (mind you, without the title) who, after listening to the opinions of others, believed all I was capable of doing was cleaning laundry, cooking dinner, and preparing Enfamil formula. And because my relationship with my boyfriend was still fresh, he did not know exactly how to give me the acceptance and validation I needed as a new mom. I stayed at home, I kept away from old friends, I avoided family, and I gave up. People said negative things about me and I believed them. Until one day, as Iyanla Vanzant says, my soul just opened up. I went back to school, I found a new job, made new friends, and even gained a new outlook on life. But to most I was still so-and-so's girlfriend.And that title consumed my entire being. So much so, that when I and so-and-so broke up, I did not know who I was. That was a turning point in my life. I had to start from the bottom up, getting to know myself, learning what I liked (and not things I just accepted because my man liked them), and what made me unique. So what I was no longer so-and-so's girlfriend? I would learn how to fall in love with myself and decided I would define myself! And most importantly I learned I did not need a man to do that!

Notice how Pink was talking about her husband at the time, yet they worked it out and are still together?

Well let's just say I know all about that!

3. You get what you're given, it's all how you use it ~Pink. Each of us is uniquely made for our own individual purpose. That is why it is so important to learn lesson #2 and know who you are as a person. For if you don't know who you are, you will continue to compare yourself to others you admire and become less and less satisfied with yourself. You will begin measuring yourself by your standards of them and will get disappointed every time. Though we as women don't discuss comparing ourselves to other women, we do it often. And I am guilty of it as well. There was one point in my life in which I really admired one of my friends. I liked the way she dressed, the way she wore her hair, and the way she carried herself. I admired her so much that I began to wonder why people weren't as drawn to me as they were to her. I began doubting myself and feeling inferior around her. And though it took me a while to figure it out, I realized because I had grown to feel inferior to her, I had began to "dim" my light around her. My once bubbly personality was diminishing before the very eyes of my peers all because of a thought I allowed to take root. After reading a self-help book (I really wish I could remember which it was), I started taking notes about things I was good at and accomplishments I had achieved. In essence, I started to realize I had gifts just like she had gifts. I just wasn't giving mine a chance to blossom because I was too busy coveting hers. And in my time doing this, I was in a way denying my own. From that day on I made it a point to focus on my own purpose in life and to stop running from myself.

Today as I listen to Miss Erykah Badu's "Bag Lady" I am reminded yet again that I must let some things go. Every time I think I have my life in order and that I'm traveling through the universe at a pleasurable pace, my "backpack" starts to get a little heavier. I don't know if I'm picking up things I don't need in my journey without taking time to discard undesirables or if I'm beginning to make a habit of collecting stray items. Relationships that just aren't working, books I no longer care to read, situations I should have left well enough alone, and negative stress from home/school/family/friends seem to wind up in my backpack over and over.

One habit I must learn to break is putting this mess in my bag to begin with. Immediately (at least by now) I should be able to tell if something will benefit me, will hinder me from attaining my goal, or has no bearing on my life. Things that don't concern me should not be stressing me to no end. I cannot save the world. It will burn me out if I keep trying. Things that are stunting my growth and progression should be avoided as well. Only the things that make me happy are going in my bag from now on. And if ever I should need a reminder, I will remember Miss Erykah's famous words: PACK LIGHT!

Do any of you ever feel this way? What do you do to keep your "load" light?

Hello loves, I'm Dre! I am a hoarder of books and lipsticks, cupcakes make me happy, music gets me lifted, and the 90's was the best decade ever. I thank you kindly for stopping by my space on the web. Come on in and make yourself comfortable.