There are 3 people in this world who know about the madness that is my dreams. I’m not talking about future ambition dreams but like actual dreams that get dreamt at night. They are my mom, my bf and one of my gfs. My gf is the only one who listens and kind of somewhat gets it because she herself can recall her dreams. They are almost as cracked out as mine but I take the icing on the cake.

I guess most people don’t recall their dreams. For as long as I can remember I’ve been able to remember mine which would explain why I have such a distorted perception of the world because who wants to come back to reality when you can have dream land all the time. Generally it’s my mom who gets subjected to listening to my insanity and the conversation usually ends with, “do you do drugs in your room at night?” Most of the time the answer is no, just kidding the answer is always no. D.A.R.E., drugs are really expensive and I’m broke.

Well last night I had one of my more exciting dreams and by exciting I mean I get interactive. I need to be in a sleep study program because the scientist/doctors/aliens would have such a good time watching me. I can’t recall the whole dream, which is rare, because most of the time I can remember the madness from the beginning. Any who, for whatever reason I had won something and I was being given the options for my prizes. They were all pretty shitty to begin with but then they, I don’t know who they was, got to the last one and they were these crabby spiders they released. I explained to my mom, “Not crabby like they had a bad day but crabby like they had hard bodies and ticked when they walked.” Well the release of these crabby spiders made me react in real life. Cue scene.

Me jumping out of bed, staring at my blanket because there could possibly be crabby spiders under there, My thought process.

“oh f@#&, oh f%($, oh f*@%, please don’t be there, please do be there. Shit it’s so dark how am I suppose to know if they’re there or not. I need to find a light to check but my phones on my bed and if I go on my bed and they might attack. I don’t want to flip on my light because it’s going to be so f#&*ing bright and holy shit its 415am! I’m not in the mood for crabby spiders right now.”

I finally flip on my light.

“Okay I don’t see anything but just in case they are under my cover I’ll pull it off really fast.”

I pull my cover and discover, gasp, nothing. I turn off my light and hop back into bed pulling my blanket back on top of me.

“I really hope they didn’t cling to the under part of the blanket I didn’t check.” Last thing I remember.

I mean you can’t make this shit up. This isn’t the first time either. I’ve put on a jacket before, I’ve caught myself in the middle of a conversation with no one, I’ve caught myself with my eyes open. Don’t think to hard about that last one but shit is weird! It usually isn’t until the morning when I have to assess what was real and what wasn’t that I actually recall shit got crazy in the night.

You know who I feel really bad for in this situation? The bf because not only is he going to be subjected to listening to my madness but he’ll also get to experience the interactive dreams first hand when were living together. Yay for you boo! Promise you won’t leave me if I pull the covers off of you in the middle of the night? I’m just ensuring our safety from the crabby spiders.