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Monday, January 24, 2011

Before you become a mother, there a certain things you take for granted. Things you never think twice about when you are childless, things you just do... that’s it.
Then all of a sudden, there’s a tiny person in your life that’s there to change it all. Suddenly things you never thought about become luxuries, rarities, the stuff that dreams are made of.

Here is a list of things that become cherished moments when you have crossed over into motherhood:

Bathroom autonomy: Every action that involves you being in the bathroom and doing something for yourself will be closely watched. Some of your previously routine actions will become obsolete. Some days you will wonder how you ever managed to pee, or brush your teeth... or if you will ever do any of these alone again. Yes, from now on, not only will someone else decide when you do what you do when you’re in the bathroom, they’ll probably tell you how to do it, or even lend you a hand, and interrupt you in the act.

Grooming: next to personal hygiene, other fields of self preservation will die a torturous death. Getting dressed may become an adventurous and time consuming expedition, and let’s not even begin about more intimate self care, like shaving or waxing or tweezing. Hum, what are they again?

Spare time: As soon as one enters the wondrous world of motherhood, these words become something known to you only in past tense. Some courageous octopus women do manage to find gaps in their busy schedule and gleefully fill them with glorious crafts and activities, while other mothers can only dream of it.

Eating food at its intended temperature: Face it, wether it should have been hot food (or beverage) or cold food (or beverage) they will all be room temperature by the time you find the time to bring them to your mouth. You probably won’t be sharing these meals with your significant other anymore and they certainly won’t be uninterrupted (think: bite - care for child - bite - bite - care for child - bite - give up and decide that at least you’ll be losing weight)

Going to bed on your own schedule: Are you kidding me? Your own schedule? Scrap this! You will sleep when there’s a gap in that busy schedule we already talked about, or else you won’t. Your child might love the crack of dawn, or do some tryouts for some extended partying he might do later in life. And even if you do get to go to sleep when you want to go to sleep... don’t you dare think that sleep will be in one stretch. There’ll always be a diaper to switch or a pee to catch or a boob to pop in a muttering mouth. On the positive side, you may wake up to massages by tiny hands or feet in your cavities.