Green DaysNo longer down in the dumps

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Silver Member

Hi everyone. I've been lurking around for a while half heartedly attempting to lose weight without much success which I take full responsibility for. Last nite tho is the worst Ive EVER felt about my weight & myself. I've always been overweight but now my husband & I sleep in seperate rooms as I snore which he says is 'because Im so fat & doesn't understand why I can't lose weight' !! He never touches me or kisses me & when he kissed our daughter last nite before he went to bed I said can I have a kiss & he replied no & walked off :-(
I cried myself to sleep & woke this morning & vowed to myself that I'll get on this plan & lose weight not for him but for me. My love for him has never changed in all the years we've been together despite various problems he's had. I just feel that if/when I lose weight he'll b all touchly feely again but to b honest if he can't bear to be near me now then why shld I want him near me then? I'd still be the same person underneath. God what a way to start my Monday morning. Anyway looking fwd to following everyones progress.

Silver Member

Blimey blimey blimey. Firstly your husband shouldn't have said that but remember some men just don't think much before they speak. If u decide to lose weight remember it's for you you've got to learn to love yourself. Your not alone on here when you say you hate the way you look etc but were all in this together and on here you'll get the support you need. Good luck huni and chin up xxx

Silver Member

Aww hugs honey, you sound lovely and I hear what you are saying he should love you for you.

My hubby said he has loved me through all my sizes. I hated how I looked and he actually didn't help either as he always said I looked fab. Hard to motivate when somebody tells you you look good.

So really what I want to say, is if you want to lose the weight regardless of what another person is saying, then you have taken the first step for YOU!! I wish you so much luck, but with Slimming World you don't need luck its just so easy after the initial learning the basics.

Then as you get thinner, I promise your confidence will grow too. I've had some really tough times while SWing and its the only thing I hung onto asif everything else was going wrong, SW was still right!!

Plus you can add fat to all his dinners as you lose and then refuse to kiss him!!:8855:

Silver Member

Put the kettle on

Im sorry if what I say sounds harsh, but I think your fella is being unnecessarily cruel about your weight. He may be concerned about your health, but he is capable of saying it in a way which shows he still loves you. If he has had problema youve helped him through then you need to ask him for his help with this. If hes not willing to, then I think you need to decide if this relationship is for you. You have to lose weight for you, not him.

Member

Hi there. I'm starting today. I've totally lost confidence in myself. I find every excuse under the sun not to go out or socialise and i've lost touch with all my friends. If i can sit in my pj's all day i will. I think my problem is that i dont like myself so how can i expect anyone else to like me. Maybe it's a bit like that with your hubby. No excuses to be insensitive but i think when we start feeling better about ourselves other things will seem better. Good luck hun xx

Silver Member

Thanks everyone. I've just been thro the fridge & cupboards to syn everything that I have in just now & also written a shopping list! I've had 2 slices of toast with 2 tsp of jam & an activia fat free yogurt for breakfast. Albeit it was warburtons toastie loaf but it beats my usual 'breakfast' of crisps/chocolate/ crusty bread with butter etc etc. Will head to Tesco later & do a SW shop.

Full Member

Seriously, most men don't think before they say stuff. They say things bluntly, probably not realising the damage it can do. I'd be more upset about the kiss refusal and would probably talk to him about it calmly, saying exactly what you told us, about love being unconditional. There might be other issues in his mind/life making him behave this way. When my friends went for couples counselling, she said she was amazed to find out just how many worries/issues were buzzing around in his head.

Failing that, lose a tonne of weight, turn into a sexy vixen and pull a madonna and get a sexy toyboy :girlpower:

Full Member

Thanks everyone. I've just been thro the fridge & cupboards to syn everything that I have in just now & also written a shopping list! I've had 2 slices of toast with 2 tsp of jam & an activia fat free yogurt for breakfast. Albeit it was warburtons toastie loaf but it beats my usual 'breakfast' of crisps/chocolate/ crusty bread with butter etc etc. Will head to Tesco later & do a SW shop.

Do you go to group or have a slimming buddy or something? You sound like you need some support with weight loss if you're not getting it at home. Plus, some mutual support can help you figure out why you overeat and consider crisps, chocolate and bread breakfast. Sometimes if you sort out the reasons (with me I comfort ate due to a certain person in my life, who I'm now shot of!), you find it easier to eat healthily continually

Silver Member

I dont go to a group Jael partly thro embarassment that I have joined numerous times & it's a 60 mile round trip which I wouldn't mind so much but Im not keen on the leader so going to give it a bash on my own & read all the great advice on here to keep me motivated.

Full Member

I'm sorry you aren't getting the support you deserve at home, if losing weight was easy there would be no groups like SW WW etc, so that just proves you can't always do it "just like that"
He says you should lose weight but doesn't seem to realise he could be making things worse - if he supported you it would help make things much easier and instead by being nasty he could push you the other way as we all know its easy to eat junk when you are feeling down.
Well done for rising above this and realising that you deserve better and that is what you are now doing for yourself. You will get all the support on here and as you have said this is for YOU not him.
There are always people around on here to give help, advice and encouragement and there are endless recipes and meal ideas.
I wish you all the best with SW! x

Gold Member

Its horible that your husband has said this to you, and that you moved rooms due to the snoring. In fairness to him, I thought about it as my husbands snoring was keeping me up, but in the end I just got some earplugs and as he has lost weight the snoring has stopped.

A couple of things to note;
In the first instance, assume its thoughtlessness rather than him being horrible - men tend to be more blunt than women, and us women are a bit more sensitive about these things. Bad combination. You need to tell him how he is making you feel, and then if he continues, he's being an arse and I would respectfully suggest you upgrade him to a newer, less shallow model

It is also worth explaining some basic biology to him - its easy for him to loose weight because he isn't dealing with all the hormones that you are. There is a reason slimming groups are full of women - we struggle more with weight loss. Men get fat cos they eat too much - they loose weight cos they eat less. Very simple equation which just does not apply to women.

Finally- regardless of whether he is being an arse or just thoughtless he shouldn't be refusing to show you affection in front of your child. It sets a really bad example.

Silver Member

Can I just take the opportunity to thank u all for ur kind comments & suggestions u really have helped me feel a bit better this morning & u don't even know me!
Just back from a long walk & going to jot down my reasons for wanting to lose weight. Thanks again everyone xxxx

Silver Member

Good luck hun, the girls on here are really helpful you will get loads of support. Im a yoyo dieter, lost some weight on SW felt great then put it on...tried slimfast a couple of weeks ago and i couldnt do it..made me appreciate how good SW is! x

Silver Member

I did think about slimfast but I like my food too much & remember from a previous life how great SW is because u can eat real food ! Having a good sw green day so far but hubby home soon & I just wanna poke his eyes out tbh ! He'll never notice Ive been shopping he thinks the fridge/cupboards fill themselves so just going to tell him Im away to asda. Maybe a nice brisk walk around will keep me on straight & narrow.

Silver Member

I am on EE nearly at target and really want a few days on Green now and when I start to maintain, mainly because I think you can have cheese on A and 2 B's but so confused i dare not change though. Again just wanted to wish you success I've been thinking of you all day and really hope you do this for yourself.
XX

Silver Member

Congratulations Jo on having ur target in sight. I am smiling inside tonite knowing that Ive achieved Day 1 on green plan. I have been 100% & can't stop running to the loo!! Hubby & I have barely spoken tonite & to b honest I feel so positive tonite I really don't want to try & spk to him about how upset I was last nite. Looking fwd to the fab weather forecast for the next few days so planning on walking.