Putting the FUN in funicular.

bleached brunettes

YES I am still pissed about the Blonde Comment. I will get over it. But as a natural blonde living in a world permeated with dye jobs, I’ve had to deal with this stuff my whole life long. I had no control over my hair color, I was born blonde. When someone is born BLIND, they don’t have to spend their years hearing about how stupid they are. Only knuckledraggers make Blind Jokes. WHY? B/c it’s repulsive. But somehow, blond jokes are o-kay. We, after all, deserve it.

Natural blondes are a true minority and minorities always make easy targets. Just look at WWII. No one outside our community can even discern the reals from the fakes. Not even Wikipedia. Go to its entry on Blond and what do you get? A bunch of photos of bleachers. It is such a FREAKING RARITY to find another natural blonde that whenever we encounter each other it is usually cause for discussion. Like this weekend, I met a young blonde woman working as a cashier at a store. She said, Yeah, people always think I bleach my hair. And of course they would. Since everyone does. But as natural blondes, WE CAN TELL. B/c WE KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

I hear almost daily from people with brown, dark brown, and occasionally black hair that they too were born blonde. I’m not doubting the veracity of these claims, but when you’re staring down a pair of brows a la Sylvester Stallone, it’s frankly hard to imagine. This brings me to an interesting point. When a non-blonde bleaches their hair, the eyebrows simply do not match. This is a plain and simple fact. The head hair could be any color under the rainbow, but the eyebrows will remain a testament to reality. Portia de Rossi from Arrested Development comes to mind, who – although a beautiful woman, looks comic with her platinum dye job and thick black brows. This works to her advantage, especially in the above show. But for others, the brow mismatch is more of a challenge. Some, after bleaching their hair, decide to pluck their eyebrows within an inch of their poor lives. So they are left with a bare wisp of a brow. So thin they believe we cannot easily discern its true color.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH!

I have even on occasion seen individuals without any vestige of eyebrow at all, the NO-brows, and I am in no way talking CANCER SURVIVORS here. Totally Self-Inflicted. I believe the extremists also take this south in order to avoid the inevitable faux pas of Curtains Not Matching the Rug.. Perhaps accounting for the popularity of the torture otherwise known as the “Brazilian Wax.”

But I will bore you no longer. My point in this post was simply to enlighten you to the plight of a heretofore overlooked second-class. And if you think twice before cracking another Dumb Blond joke, then I have done my job.

Let me tell you , I am PISSED. I was just reading the blog of someone who has recently been checking out my websites. The writer happens to be a woman who bleached her brown hair platinum blonde about 2 weeks ago – and in her latest post she (NO JOKE) described a recent foible as “doing something blonde.”

HEL-LO?

This person seems like an otherwise decent individual, but WTF?!

I am a natural blonde. Blonde at birth, rather than bottle bred, and I for one am no DUMBASS. I don’t know when it came into parlance that blonde or blond = DUMBASS, but I for one find it offensive. We have been made scapegoats for stupidity for too effing long. And I am sick of it.

If someone screwed up and said they’d done something BLACK, do you think African-Americans would not be calling the NAACP? Would people not be filled with venom? And yet, people say this sh*t all the time and just laugh like it’s the funniest most acceptable thing in the world.

Who’s gonna win in the knock down/drag out/fight to the death of the century?? Who knows, but as one of the (apparently supremely) rare natural breed, you can guess who I’m rooting for (pun intended, ladies). Click the link to read the follow-up comments; they’re as good as the article. This one’s my absolute favorite:

As noted in the article only three percent of women in Britain are Blonde. The women who make up the one third of women who appear to be Blonde and are not Blonde are actually Brunettes that have been bleached and then assumed the name Blonde.

Marilyn Monroe, Suzanne Somers and Goldie Hawn are all Bleached Brunettes using the name Blonde as are Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Madonna. The list is endless and includes 70% of prostitutes in the USA.

I am a Blonde and I don’t want to be associated with Bleached Brunettes but I am in a forced association with them because they use my name to hide behind.

Let’s just get over it and call them Bleached Brunettes. This will lessen the impact of their contagious stupidity because the name Bleached Brunette is a bad name and that will limit who wants to be associated with that name.