Adrenaline

During playthis elevated sense of awarness and ‘rush’ of fear is a very appealing feeling for most people.

Endorphins

In the late 70’s researchers discovered the chemical that attached themselves to pain receptors in the brain. Much the way Morphine masks pain the body has it’s own method of temporarily alleviating pain. When the body has been damaged the body creates the endorphins to allow the body to ignore the pain and allow it to escape to a safe place to heal. Endorphins are neurotransmitters (chemicals which are directly involved in the brain's electrochemical workings). They are also natural painkillers. High endorphin levels cause a feeling of euphoria. Of course, SM is not the only way to achieve this state. Long-distance runners refer to it as "runner's high."

Obviously during play the goal is not to damage or cause serious harm. The objective then is to trick the body into thinking it is on the verge of serious injury so it can start generating these neurotransmitters. The sensitive, careful and methodical application of pain can move the pain threshold higher, enabling the bottom to tolerate higher levels of pain, thereby receiving the benefits of higher endorphin levels. To the bottom, the pain will not seem to increase, even though the physical trauma upon the body does. This is because as endorphin levels rise, the pain becomes deadened.

Safety Note: The fact that the pain is deadened must never make you lose sight of the physical trauma you are causing. Don't abuse your responsibility for your bottom's safety just because the euphoria of a endorphin rush makes your bottom a little giddy.

In order to stimulate the release of endorphins, the top should gradually increase the pain level until it nears the pain threshold. After reaching the threshold, lower the intensity and allow the endorphins which the pain released to work their magic, nullifying the pain. When the top once again begins to increase the pain, the endorphins which the previous cycle released allow the bottom to tolerate a higher level of pain. The now higher level of pain releases even more endorphins, and the cycle begins again .

Patience is a virtue here. There are several difficulties you may run into. They can discourage you, but don't let them! Keep them in mind, watch for them, and when they occur, alter your technique until you find that unique formula that works for you and your bottom. Sometimes subtle changes in technique can produce dramatic results.

Sometimes the pain threshold will hit a plateau, refusing to rise further. If this happens, a complete break in activity for a few moments, a few minutes or longer might be in order. Every bottom has a certain point beyond which even the best technique cannot take them. This point can vary from day to day. Just because the bottom hit a new high yesterday doesn't mean he or she will hit it again today. If you try every technique you can think of to get beyond the plateau, but to no avail, it's just not the right day. Accept what comes.

Another common problem is hypersensitivity, which causes the pain threshold to drop dramatically. Those of you who have had large tattoos done know how it works. Believe me, it's no fun. You are playing, having a great time - the bottom is on a major endorphin high and you're loving it. Suddenly the bottom safes out. You take a break and then get back into it, but after the break even love taps are too painful. What went wrong?

Hypersensitivity seems to happen most often when you have been pushing too far, too fast. Playing right around the threshold is physically and mentally stressful, and too much of it will wear the bottom out. Make sure when you bring him or her back down, you leave plenty of time for rest.

Other factors that encourage the production of endorphins are being in the right mental space and being in the right environment. Soft lights, soothing music, mental preparation hours or days in advance, all contribute to letting the bottom get into the right zone.

Endorphin highs are a great reward, but they take hard work. If you are not successful after a few attempts, don't give up. Even an experienced player takes time to learn a new bottom, and as a novice you have to learn the bottom while learning the technique. Just work slowly, stay determined, and look for small signs of success. These small successes will tell you what works for the bottom. Eventually, with patience, you will get it.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Rituals

Here are some thoughts on the subject of RITUALS, as they pertain to the D/s lifestyle. As a form of enhancement, there are few things that are quite as effective as a ritual that has been incorporated into a D/s relationship.

A ritual is a ceremony or rite that is usually formal and follows the same pattern each time. Simply, it's something you do over and over for a purpose. Rituals are intended to be repeated and to set a mood or build an expectation. There are no "surprise" endings or hidden agendas. They are intended to be the same each time, within normal limits.

Two Main Ingredients

The important elements of a ritual are that it should serve a purpose and be pleasant for everyone involved. Remove those factors and it becomes a meaningless repetition of acts that are dreaded instead of anticipated. One of the biggest fantasies about rituals is that they are something mysterious and feared. That kind of ritual has little or no place in this lifestyle. Those blood-letting, hair-raising things are best left to cheap horror movies and Satanists.

Applying This To D/s

Now, if you're like most people, you're wondering just how this is going to work in a D/s relationship. I'll use an example of a simple ritual that is very common in our own relationship. This could be titled "The Greeting Ritual" and is done each morning upon rising and at the end of the workday when we have returned to each other's presence.

The submissive assumes the standard position that is pleasing to the dominant, in My case it is the position of surrender: kneeling, chest pressed to the floor, hands extended and crossed, the forehead pressed to the back of the hands. (In other words, face down, hips up.) The dominant must speak before the submissive moves into an upright kneeling position. Only now may the submissive speak and it should be words that indicate a warm welcome or the fact that they have missed being with the dominant. (eg. Welcome home, Master. I've missed You, Master.)

The eyes are kept lowered until the dominant touches the head or collar of the submissive. Only then may they raise their eyes and speak directly to their Master. Again, it should be words of devotion, love and joy at being together again. (eg. I'm so happy to be with You again.) The dominant shows signs of affection, such as bending to kiss or caress the submissive. This can be followed with any number of variations that please the couple. Everyone's rituals will have their own personal touches.

This simple ritual fulfills the two requirements: It has a purpose and it is enjoyable for both participants. The purpose is to set into play the feelings of dominance and submission after being away from each other taking care of our responsibilities. It allows a submissive, who may have a "Power" job, to slip out of that career role and back into the role of devoted slave/submissive. It prepares the dominant to assume his/her role of Master/Mistress of the house once again.

It is enjoyable because of the routine and warm feelings it evokes in both parties. The greeting, touching and affection are the rewards for observing the ritual correctly. It can take an otherwise awkward time for a D/s couple and turn it into a well-organized series of acts that accomplish a goal. That goal is to move quickly and effortless into your normal, daily routine as dominant/submissive.

What are some other kinds of rituals that our lifestyle encompasses?

There are literally thousands of them. Every couple will learn to adapt their own needs and goals into something that works for them. There are a few standard things that seem to be tailor-made for a ritualistic approach and I'll suggest just a few.

Shaving: It's very common for a submissive to be required to shave the hair from parts of their bodies, usually the genitals. One of the most intimate rituals shared in a relationship can be a shaving ritual. This can be done with little fanfare or be made into a grand spectacle. It all depends on the individual's needs. Laying out the necessary tools, setting the mood, assuming the position, bound or otherwise, blindfolded for a little added anticipation and you have the makings for your own special time.

Bedtime: Another very common event that is just dying for a ritual. It can involve the submissive preparing their body by bathing and other hygienic actions, preparing the bed for the dominant, presenting their body for a nightly inspection, kneeling to ask permission to enter the bed, having a specific mat to kneel on etc. Again, this is all a matter of individual tastes and should be personalized to fit your needs.

Serving: Now here's a wide-open category. There are dozens of times when a beautiful serving ritual would be a great enhancement to a relationship. Perhaps it's after dinner when you are ready to relax in each other's company. The submissive can develop his/her own style of serving coffee, tea or other drinks into a beautiful serving ritual.

Pre-Sexual: Again, one of the times that really invites a ritual. The dominant usually has a position that they have established that indicates they are desirous of sexual activity. Upon a signal from them, the submissive begins a standard routine for presenting his/herself for the preliminaries of sexual intimacy. This may involve the submissive exposing themselves in a certain way, to dress or undress in an expected manner, to offer their bodies in any number of ways. It's a matter of personal preference on how this is accomplished.

Are rituals necessary?

No, I can't say that everyone HAS to have them. But they are an important part of our life together. We enjoy the formal, ceremonial type of lifestyle. The beauty of some rituals is very appealing but most of all it is the comfort they give. There's a peaceful feeling that follows when a ritual begins. A sameness, an expectation, a goal and guidelines that lead to that goal.

We use them to make duties more meaningful and keep from falling into the boredom that often accompanies an often repeated chore such as shaving. How many times have you heard of dominants who no longer take part in the shaving duties of their submissive? It didn't start out that way, but in time it became a half-hearted act that was finally discarded and left up to the submissive to do alone.

In time the submissive feels little excitement or desire to continue the practice and falls into neglecting this duty as well. It ends up a constant source of frustration or confrontation. "You have not shaved again? What's up with this?" The reply: "Who cares? I'm sick of it." Don't laugh folks, 'cause this is a very common event in lots of D/s homes. When shaving is made into a ritual there is an anticipation of pleasure and intimacy. There is time allotted for it to be accomplished and both dominant and submissive benefit from it.

How do we make our own rituals?

All it takes is a little creativity and a pen and paper. Sit down and discuss an area where you'd like to begin. Perhaps it will be the "Greeting" ritual. The dominant needs to express their desire in how they want to be greeted, what position, what might be said, how it will end. WRITE IT DOWN. Don't expect to remember tomorrow that wonderful routine you mapped out last night. When he enters the door you're going to forgot what you'd agreed to do. Keep a record of it. Work on it. Make changes to make it fit your relationship.

Most of all don't stop it because you feel silly or "just don't feel like it today." Rituals are repetitious, that's what makes them rituals. The benefits come from getting past the reluctance and resistance, and learning to let your mind and body accept the expected result, just as the child will begin to anticipate sleeping after hearing their story each night.

Keep it Real

One of the most common failures of ritual practice in a relationship is trying to develop a complicated, useless fantasy instead of a purposeful goal. Fantasies should remain fantasies. A ritual that tries to mimic stage productions with swirling capes and mysterious smoke is not going to work. Keep the smoke, lightning and eerie music for Halloween.

D/s is not about human sacrifices or ritualistic torture and combining the two ideas is a sure prelude to disaster. There is a BIG difference between "scene-ing" and rituals. Don't confuse the two when trying to establish your own rites and ceremonies. If it's a fantasy scene you're after, create one. Don't expect it to be something you'll want to do everyday or several times a week.

Summary

Keeping the excitement and enjoyment in a relationship, even a D/s based one, takes work. Sitting on your duff in front of the T.V. and looking up as your partner enters the door at the end of the day is NOT going to keep the flames burning brightly. Developing rituals, following routines that encourage the feelings of dominance and submission will keep you growing and lead you deeper into one of the most wonderful journeys two people can take together.

Monday, March 20, 2006

Owners Manual - Feb 10th

A long time ago I stuggled with learning the mechanics of SM and kink and I became a 'god' of d/s , well at least in my own mind. But I started realizing that the physical side of the lifestyle was the tip of the iceberg and I needed to understand more of what my partner needed from me. Stolen from online , borrowed from what others had told me , given to submissives for their input .. This is one of the multiple versions I have. It is not meant as an end all be all list... but a starting point and picking list to help people start to articulate what it is they need..

Enjoy what I tongue in cheek called the owners manual - Peter

I need to feel safe. Before I can begin to open my submissive nature to You,I need to feel safe and have reason to trust You. To let down my walls and give You control of my will may take time and testing before I feel safe enough to permit either of us to go beyond the initial stages of our relationship. Even after I've given myself to You fully, I need to be reminded I am safe with You. I may like to feel the thrill and excitement of fear and the unknown, but I need to be sure no matter how You stimulate those emotions during an intense scene or situation, I will remain safe in Your care. That you will be my protector no matter what W/we try.

I need to know You accept me for all I am. I will be many things to You as our relationship grows and I need to know You accept me as a person during each transition along the way. I need to know You accept me as a friend, lover, companion, and Your submissive but also accept me as parent, child, employee, community member or other roles I fill in my obligations to family or society.

I need to have clearly defined limits. I need to know exactly what You expect of me and know that You also understand my limits. In some ways I am like a child that needs a fence around my play area so I know how far I can go and feel secure inside those limits. I need You to reinforce those fences by correcting me when I try to climb them without Your approval.

I need You to be consistent.I need to know You mean what You say and that today's rules will apply to tomorrow's behavior. Nothing confuses me more than giving me mixed signals by allowing me to break rules that You've given me. From time to time I may test You to see if You are capable of accepting control of my life by consistentlybringing me back to the path You've chosen for me. It's not done to try Your patience but is my way of finding reassurance You are paying attention to my progress. Very often it's not done consciously and I promise I'll not use it as a method for provoking Your negative responses.

I need to expand my limits. I need to grow and to be challenged. Left on my own, I'll become bored or stagnate within the boundaries I accepted in the beginning. I need to be pushed, but never shoved, to go beyond the places I've been. I may drag my feet and pout at times, or sit down and refuse to move because I'm unsure and need Your guidance in overcoming my obstacles. I depend on You for strength and encouragement to get beyond them.

I need You to teach me. I need to learn and it is You who are my teacher. My mind is hungry for new things and learning helps me to become all that I can be. This may require You to continue to learn new things in order to keep me challenged. Together we can grow to the fullness of the gifts we have and deepen the diversity we share.

I need goals.Part of my make-up as a submissive makes me very goal-oriented. I need them to measure my progress and need You to provide them for me. Take time to explain those goals in ways I can comprehend Your plans concerning my growth as Your submissive. Without Your direction I quickly become lost so I'll look to You frequently to provide a purpose and aim as I continue in my development as a submissive.

I need to be corrected. I need You to correct me when I make mistakes. Without Your correction I will develop bad habits that can be very difficult to break and do great damage to our relationship and to us as individuals. Without Your correction, I may never know I've made a mistake. Allowing me to continue unchecked will only cause me to fail both of us in the end. I admire firmness in Your correction and feel secure in knowing that You will never be afraid to take steps needed in keeping me focused on the goals You've set for me.

I need to be used. I need to be taught humility and not allow my ego to interfere with my interaction with You. I need to feel that I am both more and less when I am with you. But not in such a way that I do not like who I am as a person/

I need You to be my role-model. I look up to You and try to follow in Your footsteps. If You fail to live up to a standard, I will follow You into failure, often without You noticing until it is too late. I learn quickly by the examples You provide for me and often base my reactions and behaviors on my observations of You in similar situations. I will blindly pattern myself in Your image so be aware that my eyes will always be on You as face Your own challenges and daily activities.

I need Your approval and reassurance. I need to know when You approve of me or what I've done and to know I belong to You even if I fall short of my goals. I sometimes confuse approval with disapproval when You do not provide positive reinforcement when You are pleased by my actions. I will constantly be seeking Your approval when I'm unsure of myself and may need to rely deeply on Your support and reassurance when I'm confused about a situation or apprehensive about a new challenge.

I need to be able to express myself.I have a need to express both good and bad things to You but it may be difficult for me to put the negative things into words. I fear Your rejection and hate disappointing You, so I may need a little space and time to voice all the things I need to say. You can help me by reassuring me that my feelings are valid, even if they aren't something You find pleasure in hearing. There may be times when I'm upset or angry with You but without freedom to express those feelings there can be only festering resentment or misunderstanding. Guide me in ways that I can learn to speak my heart without breaking it or Yours.

I need to learn from my mistakes.I need to experience things that may be painful in order to learn successfully. I know Your protective nature will struggle with allowing me to be hurt but I need to learn the consequences of what I've done and to experience the feelings that go along with making mistakes. I will need Your comfort once I've faced my failure but will sometimes feel unworthy of asking or unable to voice my disappointment in failing. Allow me to sort outmy feelings before wiping away my tears.

I need forgiveness when I fail You. Nothing hurts me more than to know I've failed or displeased You and I need to be forgiven once I've made amends. It is very hard for me to forgive myself for a wrong-doing and I may need Your help in getting beyond the feelings of remorse I am carrying. I may even need to be punished, if my wrong-doing was traumatic enough, in order to feel closure and accept forgiveness. I depend on You to make that determination for me and need Your help in making an atonement that is acceptable to You.

I need to feel I contribute.I have a deep-set need to give and must have outlets for this need. My basic nature is to give of myself and You will be the primary recipient of my gifts. Allow me to contribute to our relationship and our life together. To do less will leave me unfulfilled and unneeded, a fate worse than death for me. Provide me with ways to contribute things to others, also. I may need to give of myself to those I hold dear but You will always receive the best I have to offer.

I need to enjoy successes.Without experiencing and enjoying my successes I may give up my fight to be all You desire for me. Allow me the pleasure of savoring the taste of victory when I overcome an obstacle or if You find pride in my attempts. All of my successes belong to You and I need to share their rewards with You. I don't expect You to spoil me with grand displays for little victories, but when I've reached beyond the limits of my past attempts, please don't deny me the sweet feelings of knowing I've achieved a goal You've set.

I need to share with You. Sharing with You is a compelling need and one of the cornerstones of my submissive nature. This includes the emotional and spiritual aspects of my being as well as the physical body I inhabit. It may be difficult for me to give You access to the deeper levels of my emotions and feelings but those are the things I need to share the most. I'll depend on You to direct me in ways I can achieve total openness with You. I also need to share in the things You are. Trust me enough to share in Your fears, failures and struggles. I'll never see You as weak or incapable because You have shown confidence in me by giving part of Yourself in trust.

I need to feel loved, respected, and protected in Your ownership. No matter how well I've done or how miserably I've failed, I need to know I'm still loved and protected by You. Nothing will prevent me from trying new things like fear of losing Your respect and love. By the reverse, nothing will encourage me to expand my limits and grow to be all I am capable of being more than knowing You will be there to protect me from harm and will love me even if I fall short of the target. I need to be loved and to love You in return. I can't survive without it.

Military Interogation Techniques

Just something interesting I ran across online. The entire manual for interogation for the US Army. Out of 170 odd pages these seemed like the most interesting.

CheersPeter

Appendix H

Approaches

DIRECT APPROACH

The direct approach is the questioning of a source without having to use any type of approach. The direct approach is often called no approach at all, but it is the most effective of all the approaches. Statistics tell us that in World War II, it was 85 percent to 95 percent effective. In Vietnam, it was 90 percent to 95 percent effective. The direct approach works best on lower enlisted personnel as they have little or no resistance training and have had minimal security training. Due to its effectiveness, the direct approach is always to be tried first. The direct approach usually achieves the maximum cooperation in the minimum amount of time and enables the interrogator to quickly and completely exploit the source for the information he possesses. The advantages of this technique are its simplicity and the fact that it takes little time. For this reason, it is frequently used at the tactical echelons where time is limited.

INCENTIVE APPROACH

The incentive approach is a method of rewarding the source for his cooperation, but it must reinforce positive behavior. This is done by satisfying the source's needs. Granting incentives to an uncooperative source leads him to believe that rewards can be gained whether he cooperates or not. Interrogators may not withhold a source's rights under the Geneva Conventions, but they can withhold a source's privileges. The granting of incentives must not infringe on the Geneva Conventions, but they can be things to which the source is already entitled to. This can be effective only if the source is unaware of his rights or privileges.

Incentives must seem to be logical and possible. An interrogator must not promise anything that cannot be delivered. Interrogators do not make promises, but usually infer them while still sidestepping guarantees. If an interrogator made a promise that he could not keep and he or another interrogator had to talk with the source again, the source would not have any trust and would most probably not cooperate. Instead of promising unequivocably that a source will receive a certain thing, such as political asylum, an interrogator will offer to do what he can to help achieve the source's desired goal; as long as the source cooperates.

The incentive approach can be broken down into the incentive short term (received immediately) and incentive long term (received within a period of time). The determination rests on when the source expects to receive the incentive offered.

EMOTIONAL APPROACH

The emotional approach overrides the source's rationale for resisting by using and manipulating his emotions against him. The main emotions of any source at the time of capture might be either love or fear. Love or fear for one person may be exploited or turned into hate for someone else. For example, the person who caused the source to be in the position in which he now finds himself. The source's fear can be built upon, or increased so as to override his rational side. If the situation demands it and the source's fear is so great that he cannot communicate with the interrogator,, the interrogator may find that he has to decrease the source's fear in order to effectively collect information from him. There are two variations of the emotional approaches: Emotional love, emotional hate.

EMOTIONAL LOVE APPROACH

For the emotional love approach to be successful, the interrogator must focus on the anxiety felt by the source about the circumstances in which he finds himself. The interrogator must direct the love the source feels toward the appropriate object: family, homeland, comrades, and so forth. If the interrogator can show the source what the source himself can do to alter or improve his situation, the approach has a chance of success. This approach usually involves some incentive; such as communication with the source's family, a quicker end to the war to save his comrades' lives, and so forth. A good interrogator will usually orchestrate some futility with an emotional love approach to hasten the source's reaching the breaking point. Sincerity and conviction are extremely important in a successful attempt at an emotional love approach as the interrogator must show genuine concern for the source and for the object to which the interrogator is directing the source's emotion. If the interrogator ascertains that the source has great love for his unit and fellow soldiers, he can effectively exploit the situations by explaining to the source that his providing information may shorten the war or battle in progress, thus saving many of his comrades' lives. But, his. refusal to talk may cause their deaths. This places a burden on the source and may motivate him to seek relief through cooperation with the interrogator.

EMOTIONAL HATE APPROACH

The emotional hate approach focuses on any genuine hate, or possibly a desire for revenge, the source may feel. The interrogator must correctly pick up on exactly what it is that the source may hate so that the emotion can be exploited to override the source's rational side. The source may have negative feelings about his country's regime, his immediate superiors, officers in general, or his fellow soldiers. This approach is usually most effective on a member of racial or religious minorities who has suffered discrimination in both service and civilian life. If a source feels that he has been treated unfairly in his unit, the interrogator can point out that if the source cooperates and divulges the location of that unit, the unit can be destroyed, thus affording the source an opportunity for revenge. By using a conspiratorial tone of voice, the interrogator can enhance the value of this technique. Phrases, such as "You owe them no loyalty for the way they have treated you," when used appropriately, can expedite the success of this technique.

One word of caution, do not immediately begin to berate a certain facet of the source's background or life until your assessment indicates that the source feels a negative emotion toward it. The emotional hate approach can be much more effectively used by drawing out the source's negative emotions with questions that elicit a thought-provoking response. For example, "Why do you think they allowed you to be captured?" or "Why do you think they left you to die?" Do not berate the source's farces or homeland unless you are certain of his negative emotions. Many sources may have great love for their country, but still may hate the regime in control. The emotional hate approach is most effective with the immature or timid source who may have no opportunity up to this point for revenge, or never had the courage to voice his feelings.

INCREASED FEAR UP APPROACH

The increased fear up approach is most effective on the younger and more inexperienced source or on a source who appears nervous or frightened. It is also effective on a source who appears to be the silent, confident type. Sources with something to hide, such as the commission of a war crime, or having surrendered while still having ammunition in his weapon, or breaking his military oath are particularly easy to break with this technique. There are two distinct variations of this approach: the fear up (harsh) and the fear up (mild).

FEAR UP (HARSH)

In the fear up (harsh) approach, the interrogator behaves in a heavy, overpowering manner with a loud and threatening voice. The interrogator may even feel the need to throw objects across the room to heighten the source's implanted feelings of fear. Great care must be taken when doing this so that any actions taken would not violate the Geneva Conventions. This technique is to convince the source that he does indeed have something to fear and that he has no option but to cooperate. A good interrogator will implant in the source's mind that the interrogator himself is not the object to be feared, but is a possible way out of the trap. The fear can be directed toward reprisals by international tribunals, the government of the host country, or the source's own forces. Shouting can be very effective in this variation of the fear up approach.

FEAR UP (MILD)

The fear up (mild) approach is better suited to the strong, confident type of interrogator as there is generally no need to raise the voice or resort to heavy-handed, table banging violence. It is a more correct form of blackmail when the circumstances indicate that the source does indeed have something to fear. It may be a result of coincidence; the soldier was caught on the wrong side of the border before hostilities actually commenced (he was armed, he could be a terrorist), or a result of his actions (he surrendered contrary to his military oath and is now a traitor to his country, and his own forces will take care of the disciplinary action). The fear up (mild) approach must be a credible distortion of the truth. A distortion that the source will believe. It usually involves some incentive; the interrogator can intimate that he might be willing to alter the circumstances of the source's capture, as long as the source cooperates and answers the questions.

In most cases, shouting is not necessary. The actual fear is increased by helping the source to realize the unpleasant consequences that the facts may cause and then presenting an alternative, which of course can be effected by answering some simple questions. The fear up approach is deadend, and a wise interrogator may want to keep it in reserve as a trump card. After working to increase the source's fear, it would be difficult to convince him that everything will be all right if the approach is not successful.

DECREASED FEAR DOWN APPROACH

The decreased fear down approach is used primarily on a source who is already in a state of fear due to the horrible circumstances of his capture, or on a source who is in fear for his life. This technique is really nothing more than calming the source and convincing him that he will be properly and humanely treated, or that for him the war is mercifully over and he need not go into combat again. When used with a soothing, calm tone of voice, this often creates rapport and usually nothing else is needed to get the source to cooperate. While calming the source, it is a good idea to stay initially with nonpertinent conversation and to carefully avoid the subject which has caused the source's fear. This works quickly in developing rapport and communication as the source will readily respond to kindness.

When using this approach, it is important that the interrogator meets the source at the source's perspective level and not expect the source to come up to the interrogator's perspective level. If a prisoner is so frightened that he has withdrawn into a shell or regressed back to a less threatening state of mind, the interrogator must break through to him. This may be effected by the interrogator putting himself on the same physical level as the source and may require some physical contact. As the source relaxes somewhat and begins to respond to the interrogator's kindness, the interrogator can then begin asking pertinent questions.

This approach technique may backfire if allowed to go too far. After convincing the source that he has nothing to fear, he may cease to be afraid and may feel secure enough to resist the interrogator's pertinent questions. If this occurs, reverting to a harsher approach technique usually will rapidly bring the desired result to the interrogator.

PRIDE AND EGO APPROACH

The pride and ego approach concentrates on tricking the source into revealing pertinent information by using flattery or abuse. It is effective with a source who has displayed weaknesses or feelings of inferiority which can be effectively exploited by the interrogator. There are two techniques in this approach: the pride and ego up approach and the pride and ego down approach.

A problem with the pride and ego approach techniques is that since both variations rely on trickery, the source will eventually realize that he has been tricked and may refuse to cooperate further. If this occurs, the interrogator can easily move into a fear up approach and convince the source that the questions he has already answered have committed him, and it would be useless to resist further. The interrogator can mention that it will be reported to the source's forces that he has cooperated fully with the enemy, and he or his family may suffer possible retribution when this becomes known, and the source has much to fear if he is returned to his forces. This may even offer the interrogator the option to go into a love-of-family approach in that the source must protect his family by preventing his forces from learning of his duplicity or collaboration. Telling the source that you will not report the fact that the prisoner talked or that he was a severe discipline problem is an incentive that may enhance the effectiveness of the approach.

PRIDE AND EGO UP APPROACH

The pride and ego up approach is most effective on sources with little or no intelligence or on those who have been looked down upon for a long time. It is very effective on low ranking enlisted personnel and junior grade officers as it allows the source to finally show someone that he does indeed have some "brains." The source is constantly flattered into providing certain information in order to gain credit. The interrogator must take care to use a flattering somewhat-in-awe tone of voice and to speak highly of the source throughout the duration of this approach. This quickly engenders positive feelings on the source's part as he has probably been looking for this type of recognition all his life. The interrogator may blow things out of proportion using items from the source's background and making them seen noteworthy or important. As everyone is eager to hear themselves praised, the source will eventually "rise to the occasion" and in an attempt to solicit more laundatory comments from the interrogator, reveal pertinent information.

Effective targets for a successful pride and ego up approach are usually the socially accepted reasons for flattery: appearance, good military bearing, and so forth. The interrogator should closely watch the source's demeanor for indications that the approach is getting through to him. Such indications include, but are not limited to, a raising of the head, a look of pride in the eyes, a swelling of the chest, or a stiffening of the back.

PRIDE AND EGO DOWN APPROACH

The pride and ego down approach is based on the interrogator attacking the source's sense of personal worth. Any source who shows any real or imagined inferiority or weakness about himself, his loyalty to his organization, or his capture in embarrassing circumstances can be easily broken with this approach technique. The objective is for the interrogator to pounce on the source's sense of pride by attacking his loyalty, intelligence, abilities, leadership qualities, slovenly appearance, or any other perceived weakness. This will usually goad the source into becoming defensive, and he will try to convince the interrogator that he is wrong. In his attempt to redeem his pride, the source will usually involuntarily provide pertinent information in attempting to vindicate himself. The source who is susceptible to this approach is also prone to make excuses and give reasons why he did or did not do a certain thing, often shifting the blame to others. Possible targets for the pride and ego down approach are the source's loyalty, technical competence, leadership abilities, soldierly qualities, or appearance. If the interrogator uses a sarcastic, caustic tone of voice with appropriate expressions of distaste or disgust, the source will readily believe him.

One word of caution, the pride and ego down approach is also a dead end in that, if it is unsuccessful, it is very difficult for the interrogator to recover and move to another approach and reestablish a different type of rapport without losing all credibility.

FUTILITY TECHNIQUE APPROACH

The futility approach is used to make the source believe that it is useless to resist and to persuade him to cooperate with the interrogator. The futility approach is most effective when the interrogator can play on doubts that already exist in the source's mind. There are really many different variations of the futility approach. There is the futility of the personal situation "you are not finished here until you answer the questions," futility in that "everyone talks sooner or later," futility of the battlefield situation, and futility in the sense that if the source does not mind talking about history, why should he mind talking about his missions, they are also history.

If the source's unit had run out of supplies (ammunition, food, fuel, and so forth), it would be relatively easy to convince him that all of his forces are having the same logistical problems. A soldier who has been ambushed may have doubts as to how he was attacked so suddenly and the interrogator should be able to easily talk him into believing that the NATO forces knew where he was all the time.

The interrogator might describe the source's frightening recollections of seeing death on the battlefield as an everyday occurrence for his forces all up and down the lines. Factual or seemingly factual information must be presented by the interrogator in a persuasive, logical manner and in a matter-of-fact tone of voice.

Making the situation appear hopeless allows the source to rationalize his actions, especially if that action is cooperating with the interrogator. When employing this technique, the interrogator must not only be fortified with factual information, but he should also be aware of, and be able to exploit, the source's psychological, moral, and sociological weaknesses.

Another way of using the futility approach is to blow things out of proportion. If the source's unit was low on, or had exhausted, all food supplies, he can be easily led to believe that all of his forces had run out of food. If the source is hinging on cooperating, it may aid the interrogation effort if he is told that all the other source's have already cooperated. A source who may want to help save his comrades' lives may need to be convinced that the situation on the battlefield is hopeless, and that they all will die without his assistance. The futility approach is used to paint a black picture for the prisoner, but it is not effective in and of itself in gaining the source's cooperation. The futility approach must be orchestrated with other approach techniques.

"WE KNOW ALL" APPROACH

The "we know all" approach convinces the source that we already know everything. It is a very successful approach for sources who are naive, in a state of shock, or in a state of fear. The interrogator must organize all available data on the source including background information, knowledge about the source's immediate tactical situation, and all available OB information on the source's unit. Upon initial contact with the source, the interrogator asks questions, pertinent and nonpertinent, from his specially prepared list. When the source hesitates, refuses to answer, provides an incomplete response, or an incorrect response, the interrogator himself supplies the detailed answer. Through the careful use of the limited number of known details, the interrogator must convince the source that all information is already known; therefore, his answers are of no consequence. It is by repeating this procedure that the interrogator convinces the source that resistance is useless as everything is already known. When the source begins to give accurate and complete information to the questions to which the interrogator has the answers, the interrogator begins interjecting questions for which he does not have the answers. After gaining the source's cooperation, the interrogator still tests the extent of that cooperation by periodically using questions for which he has the answers. This is very necessary; if the interrogator does not challenge the source when he is lying, the source will then know that everything is not known, and that he has been tricked. He may then provide incorrect answers to the interrogator's questions.

There are some inherent problems with the use of the "we know all" approach. The interrogator is required to prepare everything in detail which is very time consuming. He must commit much of the information to memory as working from notes may show the limits of the information actually known.

"ESTABLISH YOUR IDENTITY" APPROACH

The "establish your identity" approach was very effective in Viet Nam with the Viet Cong, and it can be used at tactical echelons. The interrogator must be aware, however, that if used in conjunction with the file and dossier approach, it may exceed the tactical interrogator's preparation resources. In this technique, the interrogator insists that the source has been identified as an infamous criminal wanted by higher authorities on very serious charges, and he has finally been caught posing as someone else. In order to clear himself of these allegations, the source will usually have to supply detailed information on his unit to establish or substantiate his true identity. The interrogator should initially refuse to believe the source and insist that he is the criminal wanted by the ambiguous "higher authorities." This will force the source to give even more detailed information about his unit in order to convince the interrogator that he is indeed who he says he is. This approach works well when combined with the futility or "we know all" approach.

REPETITION APPROACH

Repetition is used to induce cooperation from a hostile source. In one variation of this technique the interrogator listens carefully to a source's answer to a question, and then repeats both the question and answer several times. He does this with each succeeding question until the source becomes so thoroughly bored with the procedure that he answers questions fully and candidly to satisfy the interrogator and to gain relief from the monotony of his method of questioning. The repetition technique must be used carefully, as it will generally not work when employed against introverted sources or those having great self-control. In fact, it may provide an opportunity for a source to regain his composure and delay the interrogation. In employing this technique, the use of more than one interrogator or a tape recorder has proven to be effective.

FILE AND DOSSIER APPROACH

The file and dossier approach is when the interrogator prepares a dossier containing all available information obtained from records and documents concerning the source or his organization. Careful arrangement of the material within the file may give the illusion that it contains more data than what is actually there. The ale may be padded with extra paper, if necessary. Index tabs with titles such as education, employment, criminal record, military service, and others are particularly effective. The interrogator confronts the source with the dossiers at the beginning of the interrogation and explains to,him that intelligence has provided a complete record of every significant happening in the source's life; therefore, it would be useless to resist interrogation. The interrogator may read a few selected bits of known data to further impress the source. If the technique is successful, the source will be impressed with the voluminous file, conclude that everything is known, and resign himself to complete cooperation during the interrogation. The success of this technique is largely dependent on the naivete of the source, the volume of data on the subject, and the skill of the interrogator in convincing the source.

"MUTT AND JEFF" ("FRIEND AND FOE") APPROACH

The "Mutt and Jeff" ("friend and foe") approach involves a psychological ploy which takes advantage of the natural uncertainty and guilt which a source has as a result of being detained and questioned. Use of this technique necessitates the employment of two experienced interrogators who are convincing actors. Basically, the two interrogators will display opposing personalities and attitudes toward the source. For example, the first interrogator is very formal and displays an unsympathetic attitude toward the source. He might be strict and order the source to follow all military courtesies during questioning. The goal of the technique is to make the source feel cut off from his friends.

At the time the source acts hopeless and alone, the second interrogator appears (having received his cue by a hidden signal or by listening and observing out of view of the source), scolds the first interrogator for his harsh behavior, and orders him from the room. He then apologizes to soothe the source, perhaps offering him coffee and a cigarette. He explains that the actions of the first interrogator were largely the result of an inferior intellect and lack of human sensitivity. The inference is created that the second interrogator and the source have, in common, a high degree of intelligence and an awareness of human sensitivity above and beyond that of the first interrogator.

The source is normally inclined to have a feeling of gratitude toward the second interrogator, who continues to show a sympathetic attitude toward the source in an effort to increase the rapport and control the questioning which will follow. Should the source's cooperation begin to fade, the second interrogator can hint that since he is of high rank, having many other duties, he cannot afford to waste time on an uncooperative source. He may broadly infer that the first interrogator might return to continue his questioning. When used against the proper source, this trick will normally gain the source's complete cooperation.

RAPID FIRE APPROACH

The rapid fire approach involves a psychological ploy based upon the principles that everyone likes to be heard when he speaks, and it is confusing to be interrupted in midsentence with an unrelated question. This technique may be used by an individual interrogator or simultaneously by two or more interrogators in questioning the same source. In employing this technique the interrogator asks a series of questions in such a manner that the source does not have time to answer a question completely before the next question is asked. This tends to confuse the source, and he is apt to contradict himself, as he has little time to prepare his answers. The interrogator then confronts the source with the inconsistencies, causing further contradictions. In many instances, the source will begin to talk freely in an attempt to explain himself and deny the inconsistencies pointed out by the interrogator. In attempting to explain his answers, the source is likely to reveal more than he intends, thus creating additional leads for further interrogation.

The interrogator must have all his questions prepared before approaching the source, because long pauses between questions allow the source to complete his answers and render this approach ineffective. Besides extensive preparation, this technique requires an experienced, competent interrogator, who has comprehensive knowledge of .his case, and fluency in the language of the source. This technique is most effective immediately after capture, because of the confused state of the source.

SILENCE APPROACH

The silence approach may be successful when employed against either the nervous or the confident-type source. When employing this technique, the interrogator says nothing to the source, but looks him squarely in the eye, preferably with a slight smile on his face. It is important not to look away from the source, but force him to break eye contact first. The source will become nervous, begin to shift around in his chair, cross and recross his legs, and look away. He may ask questions, but the interrogator should not answer until he is ready to break the silence. The source may blurt out questions such as, "Come on now, what do you want with me?" When the interrogator is ready to break the silence, he may do so with some nonchalant question such as, "You planned this operation a long time, didn't you? Was it your idea?" The interrogator must be patient when employing this technique. It may appear for a while that the technique is not succeeding, but it usually will when given a reasonable chance.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Humiliation

Humiliation is a major fetish of mine and a key to my SM sexuality. I can't tell you exactly *why* it is erotic--just that it is, and has been for as long as I can remember. My fantasies always involved involuntary exposure, forced sex, forced inspections, forced dressing in odd or embarrassing (slutty) outfits, and on and on. Humiliation and "forcing" with a happily consenting forcee, epitomize power to me…total psychological control, which…for a geek like me…is even headier than physical control. You know…control their minds and their bodies will follow. We live life through scripts laid out by parents, teachers, peers, society, rabbi and priests. We are taught from an early age that many of the truly exciting things we crave are wrong, bad or improper.Mentally people often give up control to another thereby freeing themselves from guilt since they are not the one choosing to do this but being forced by another.This is merely an extension of that type of logic.

Humiliation: To subject to severe and vexing embarrassment. To shame!

Mortification: "to destroy the strength, vitality, or functioning of"

Shame: " a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety"

Ignominy: "deep personal humiliation and disgrace"

Disgrace: " to humiliate by a superior showing....to be a source of shame to....to cause to lose favor or standing"

One of the most delicate practices of the BDSM community is the art form of directed, controlled, willful and consensual humiliation. Shame is a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt or impropriety. Within the area of humiliation the dynamics which are at play are in some ways different between the male submissive and the female submissive. Now keep in mind that gender and roles are generally only for convenience unless otherwise stated. But to adequately cover all of the styles and triggers for both men and women, would require thousands of pages and still only scratch the surface. This of course is from the perspective of a straight Male Dom who generally plays with bi sub/bottom/switch women.

Ideally we are talking about humiliation being used as a "technique" in an emotionally healthy relationship to achieve positive results. Perhaps it would be prudent to list the "thesaurus" translations a dominant instantly identifies with when he uses or hears the word: humiliation

Conquer: "master, prevail, triumph....to gain mastery over something by getting the better of obstacles and difficulties"

If one really studies these words as they are interpreted by each party AND understands the basis for the relationship is to create positive optimum internal mapping, it should become clear that humiliation techniques are NOT meant to tear down...but rather to "break through" and move "beyond” the core reasons and triggers that spark this need in the submissive.

As an example, if a sub has a personal sense of inner disgust with the exposure and intricate examination of their body, and its related cavities and appendages, they will find those examinations "humiliating." In that personal sense of humiliation they will [in effect] be denying their master/mistress, internally and externally, access to those areas. The core tenants of M/s mandate that ALL areas be accessible whether they be physical or mental. Since the goal is to create an environment where that access becomes a pleasant "norm" rather than a dreaded and negatively charged event.....a master has no alternative but to subject the slave to something presently considered "humiliating" in order to move them through this dreading to a space of "acceptance" and ultimately "joy in acceptance." The Dom/me does that by working the negative imprinting of the sub by helping them to: surmount, conquer, clear and overcome these negative feelings.

Moving through these self imposed barriers creates an incredible feeling of euphoria on the part of the submissive as they realize they clung to a negative belief system their master has now turned positive for both of them. The master, having successfully moved them through these negative triggers, derives great satisfaction in bringing them closer to him by eliminating barriers, knowing he has done so without damaging them emotionally.

Propriety is the fear of offending against conventional rules of behavior especially between the sexes. We are each the product of our gender, upbringing, culture and apparent material status. Positioning within this social structure is often apparent through the teachings and expectations of 'proper' conduct. This is especially true for women. Women tend to be held to a different level of accountability from men where any apparent variation from the acceptable norm is severely punished. Issues relating to female sexuality, exposure, and promiscuity are tied up in cultural language of unacceptability. To be considered 'decent' a woman must cover up, shut up, keep her legs crossed, her eyes down, her 'indecent' opinions to herself. This is of course functional societal controls at work. To cross any of the societal boundaries can cause a woman to be cast out of her peer group, be physically, mentally and emotionally exposed to the ridicule, cruelty and even physical assaults of virtually anyone without the safeguards and protections given to a 'decent' woman. Violating these boundaries can and does alter a woman's 'status' within her family, friends and community. Stepping 'outside' means they are 'asking for' or 'deserving of' physical, mental and emotional abuse. They becomes a lesser being. Discountable and discard able.

Though our society is slowly changing and altering in some of these perspectives, we as human beings adapt to altered or apparent changed perspectives very slowly. Often we carry the same ideas and traditions as our grandparent's only now those ideas are not socially correct in the rhetoric of the day so we hide them and pretend that we are liberal enough to openly accept the variations and differences between us. We are weak. We judge each other. In some form we all jockey for apparent position, rank or status.

When it comes to using humiliation techniques on a submissive these fundamental dynamics need to be considered and understood. The sub/bottom does not wish to lose status especially with those persons whom they respect and love such as family, friends and coworkers. That status is generally hard-won and of significant value in how that female view's herself in her world. However, many submissives desire, want and need to be taken across these invisible boundaries into the person who lurks inside who enjoys all those naughty pleasures of the flesh that the proper and 'decent' person on the outside is forbidden to admit to.

The Dominant walks a fine line of reinforcing the strong positive mental health and imagery that the submissive needs to be happy and healthy while overtly violating or forcing this same person to experience taboo language, dress, behavior and responses. Learning the nuances of your submissive is crucial here. If they have been the victim of past explosively verbally assaultive language coupled to mental, physical or emotional abuse then they will probably have certain language or word triggers which thrust them into potentially severe memories and responses. Some of these triggers can be;

Peer acceptance, being the geek or loner in school

Physically or emotionally abusive or controlling authority figures

Rape victim

Poor self esteem

Low body image

Depression

Divorce and /or unpleasant family life

This is not what the Dominant wants to do. Humiliation, properly done, is part of a freeing process. A way for the sensual, erotic, impulsive woman/child within to escape the bonds of societies mores and express themselves in a completely reprehensible way. The best way to discover what a submissive wants is to ask her. Be specific. Ask or give them a list of words and tell them to talk to you and clearly state which words they want to hear used on them and which ones bring up hateful or horrifying memories. This may take some time but it is essential to do prior to just jumping in there with words that may do true damage when that is not your intent.

Many apparent aspects of submission are shameful or in opposition to what most females have been taught is behavior appropriate to a woman. Coupled to this is the conflicting messages that have been taught over the past 30 years. For many subs the simple action of kneeling at the feet of a Dominant for the first time is filled with excesses of emotion. They do not want anyone to see themselves doing this especially to family, coworkers and friends. It is the Dominant's responsibility to ensure that their privacy remains inviolate. Never overtly humiliate your submissive in or near family, friends or coworkers. It is generally only acceptable to humiliate in private or within acceptable surroundings such as the atmosphere of other D/s people wherein this is acceptable or non-status reducing conduct!

Most submissives adapt fairly quickly to kneeling to their Master/Mistress, addressing them using agreed upon honorific titles and conceptualizing the 'in-the-presence' behavior protocols established between the submissive and Dominant. With a new submissive every step is a ledge, a challenge, a mystery and a terror. They must believe that the Dominant will not allow injury to befall her at exactly the same moment that she voluntarily agrees to obey instructions which are in direct opposition to everything she has been taught. This is an enormous undertaking. It takes courage, belief and trust. If you are a Dominant don't screw this up!!! Retain an awareness of the mental challenges at work with what may appear to you to be simple instructions.

If you stumble into anything which summons a lightning fast negative reaction do not rush to discipline or punish but step in and comfort your submissive and insist that they engage in a conversation to reveal the root cause of the reaction. You cannot know the path which they walked up to the moment you met them, you can guess at some, hear some from them but essentially the details of that life will forever remain somewhat mysterious.

The most common forms of humiliation that formerly vanilla women want or ask for are language of their socially unacceptable sisters. Slut. Whore. Cunt. Many have a fantasy of 'being' this naughtiness within the free acceptance of their Dominant. They want that part of them to fly, to scream, to wear clothing that is too tight, too revealing, too sexy and they want their Dominant to find them alluring, sluttish, sexually promiscuous. Everything they have never been allowed to be. At the very same time they want and need their Dominant to revere them. Mutual respect. If their Dominant truly disrespects them then the submissive ego and self image can be totally destroyed. Their ability to trust enough to BE a slut can disappear and they can and may flee from this activity forever.

Speaking crudely to a submissive as well as handling them firmly can make them enormously aroused. Most submissives do not wish to experience public humiliation such as being led down a public street in their home town where people may recognize them in a leash and collar. (note that is refers mainly to fantasies that have a chance of actually being lived out as apposed to those that are merely masturbatory aids and will forever remain a fantasy) Many do like and want to be challenged into completing a task which places them at risk or in a position of embarrassment. This can be an assignment to go into a pet store (not in their home town) to try on various dog leashes in the presence and within view of the shop keeper and other customers. This can be to board a flight wearing a collar, dressed skimpily (again a situation where they are relatively anonymous yet exposed). These adventures when successfully completely should be rewarded. It takes courage to face-down the judging eyes of other people. It also makes the submissive stronger as they learn that they can do these things, the little getting away with something, naughtiness.

Humiliating someone in a healthy and positive way is difficult. It is essential to remember that each of us is somewhat different every day. There are days when we are feeling strong and days when we are feeling weak. Crossing into negative diminishment is very easy to do especially at the early stages of a relationship. The objective is to create excitement, enjoyment and pleasure for both yourself and your submissive. It is not to destroy, injure or damage. Women hear words differently. Remember that they never forget negative 'cuts'. These words of power become a litany that they hear forever. Once said you can never call them back. You may apologize and they may forgive but the words will still be there. When using humiliation techniques remember that at some point they may take such commentary out of context. This is especially true if you use language about or commenting to appearance (fat, big thighs, a large ass, tummy roll etc.) avoid the common diminishment techniques of society if possible. Humiliation done well reduces a submissive just to the point of sensual erotic free person. Do not use humiliation to punish them - (language used in anger which is similar to 'play' or previously used 'affectionate humiliation language'). Doing this will alter the words or techniques from those of bonding, fun and excitement to verbal abuse!!!

Differences between punishment and discipline?

Discipline implies an ongoing series of structure and rules that are enforced and guide the submissive to the intended goal. Discipline encompasses a wide range of philosophies and methods properly aimed at protecting, socializing and guiding your charge toward self-control, independence, and respect for oneself and others. Often corporal ‘play’ is a pleasurable part of this growth.

Punishment is an immediate action designed to correct improper behaviour or results.If the submissive is fond of corporal play it is generally inadvisable to use physical punishment that may become over time enjoyable. Picking punishments that are unpleasant will reduce the incidence of repeating the infraction. Often picking a particular implement such as a cane or an oak paddle will be such a strong deterrent that it becomes very effective. As a side not, it has been found in children that physical punishment may be a deterrent but ineffective as a means of behaviour modification. Bratty subs may just be bratty to get punished…

Examples of humiliating scenes

Boot Licking

Where the submissive is forced to lick and clean boots or shoes, tops , bottoms . Prevalent in the old leather gay community

GS play

Being urinated on, being watched, Pee in mouth

Funnel

Having a funnel in your mouth waiting for something ugly to be poured in it .. Pee or Tea?

Bathroom use

Not allowed to use the washroom. Being made to pee in a potty or with the door open.

Enema

Being injected with warm soapy water as a torment or a cleansing activity prior to anal sex

Butt Plugs

Having ass stuffed will a dildo or butt plug . Some butt plugs come as spiral pig tails , puppy tails or inflatable. Often used in conjunction with an enema

Slutty Clothing

Being made to dress in revealing or stripper type clothing that highlights some of the assets or deficiencies of the sub.Low cut tops , short skirts, no underclothing

Public exposure

A scene going to a public place where there is little risk of being recognized has it’s appeal. Flashing , bending over and showing there is no underwear, Sex in public. High risk of crossing the line and being charged with indecent exposure. Pick locations wisely

XXX

An excellent scene is going to an XXX rated theatre and performing oral sex. Generally the audience is very accepting of that kind of distraction and will even offer to assist

Ash Tray

Being used as an ash tray, sitting there with your hand out or your mouth open

Furniture

Being a foot stool , end table , coffee table. Staying very still and quiet

Animal Roles

Being forced to act as an animal. Puppy and Pig are the most common. Will involve being mute and communicating like the dog or pig. Eating and drinking from a bowl. Being a pony , wearing the gear, being ridden

When you are bent over a table, nude from the waist down and given the order to freeze, time seems to stretch on forever in those moments...You hear every crunch of gravel, every distant motor, and you are certain that a hundred eyes are watching you.

No Panties

He instructs her to wear a very short skirt and thigh high stockings, but no panties. While at the club later, she is VERY self-conscious throughout the evening, but makes no overture about wanting to leave. In fact, after a while, she becomes quite comfortable just staying close to his side and realizes that she's getting to be 'a bit naughty' without any potential for a negative consequence. She feels humiliation, but she also feels protected. Safe. Then, at one point during the excursion, he pulls her down across his lap so that her short skirt flies up around her hips. She immediately feels her entire body blush at the act. She knows people can see her. She feels completely exposed. Yet at the same time, a comforting thought occurs to her: She is in her MASTER'S lap. HE is in control. No one else is doing anything to her. And as she looks around quickly, something else enters her thoughts. The people who are looking at her seem excited. Excited at looking at HER. She still wants to run and hide as quickly as she can, but strangely enough, part of her suddenly wants to go in the opposite direction and put on more of a 'show'. She realizes she's enjoying this attention, humiliating as it is. Because she's safe. Because she's giving pleasure. Because she's feeling sexy about herself. Because her master is smiling. And she realizes that his complete intent was to show her off a little -- to show how beautiful he thinks she is.

Public kneeling

Let's say it's dinner time. The dominant sits down to the table but seems to be a bit miffed about something the submissive did improperly during the day. S/he takes the submissive's plate and sets it down on the floor at their feet. "Let's get past (fill in the blank), my precious one," they say, pointing to the spot on the floor that the submissive should occupy. The meaning of this is obvious. Nothing further even needs to be said. The submissive is not going to be injured, but their compliance will cleanse whatever the issue is and it'll be put behind them. They may not 'like' the act itself, but they understand the meaning of it is in getting the issue out of the way and they WILL like THAT. It's precisely what they want most at that point. Is there anything unsafe about it? Is there anything insane about the purpose or method? Is there anything forced about it? The submissive can certainly turn around and walk away. But WILL they? They realize that their dominant is not abandoning them due to their action. They realize that they're still loved. They realize that this humiliating thing they must do is to be done right at their dominant's side. Hey! Maybe if they get enthusiatic about it, their dominant might even smile and caress them while they sit at his/her feet! Wouldn't THAT be nice? Maybe even a little (dare I say it?) EXCITING! And when it's done, it's done. Is this really SO hard to do to put whatever the issue is behind them?

Grocery Shopping

Now we find our D-S couple at the local -Store. As they amble through the produce section, our dominant gets that playful little sparkle. S/he inches up close to our submissive and whispers, just so only they can hear, "Look at the ripples on that ear of corn. How about the size of that thick cucumber over there? I'll just bet you would love to get one of those bananas alone." Our submissive begins to feel that familiar warm rush and lets out a barely audible sigh. Of course, they quickly look around to see if anyone's watching. People might KNOW what they're talking about! But their dominant is right there to wipe that all away. The words are whispered between them with a nice warmth of breath. "You really are a slut, aren't you?" The submissive only becomes more flushed at the way their body is responding to this. "ANSWER ME," the dominant whispers with a firmer tone. "Yesss," the submissive hisses back. "You know I am. I am YOUR slut." Our dominant smiles. And our submissive mirrors that smile. They know the meaning of this little game. They know their dominant is completely cognizant of the environment. They know they are in no real danger. The humiliation they feel only serves to heighten their desire and passion. Simple. Elegant. And as they head through the express lane, knowing what they will likely be doing in about an hour, the submissive basks in the glow of belonging...and feeling sorry for everyone who isn't them. :-)

Intent is everything.

The park

Or how about having your panties pulled down, tied to a tree and spanked in a semi-private place at a public park, at a bench with a curving path around which someone could come jogging at any time?

Rain coat

Has your Master ever required you to go naked or dress in lingerie beneath a cape or raincoat. Then have you show another person what you are (or are not) wearing beneath that raincoat...

Vib in public

This one is deadly...wearing a vibrator in public with the controls in His pocket available for His use. What would you do if He handed the controls of your vibrating plug, dildo to another person?

Hooker

Sometimes wearing a prostitute's garb wearing a very short skirt, no pantyhose and no panties then having to walk the street and act like a common street whore can get you in the requisite mood.

Frozen Food

Or your top can take you to a large grocery store in the same garb and order you to bend over and get something from the bottom shelf. Once you are bent over, he orders you to "freeze" and you must stay in that position, with your bottom exposed until he lets you stand back up.

Bathroom

Many people find their eliminatory processes VERY embarrassing...try squatting over a bucket in front of your Master and peeing into it while he watches closely. Next do the same thing in front of a group of your close BDSM friends. Now do it at a public play party in front of a crowded room of strangers. You tell us that is NOT humiliating!

Peeing

Or simply in a parking lot or similar location, just before you will be safely hidden from spectators, your Master might tell you to pause and wet yourself...and you have to walk the last few yards with wet clothes.

Diaper

Have you ever been diapered, taken out to a restaurant or bar and had to consume a large quantity of liquid and then NOT allowed to use the restroom?

Public masturbation

How many people find having their sexual arousal exposed in front of others intrinsically humiliating? We know we do. Having to masturbate in front of a group can be very humiliating for almost everyone. It's more effective if your dominant makes you stop just before you're about to come…. a number of times. Each time he makes you stop, he can point out to the audience how the increasing wetness of your pussy proves what a little slut you are. When you're so frustrated and horny from this that you can't stand it... you will do almost anything to be allowed release

Masturbate at work

Has he ever called you at work and told you have 'xx'mins to masturbate and cum...at your desk?

Blind folded

Has he ever taken you to a deserted beach, blindfolded you and then had you bring yourself to orgasm...only to find out that...ooops...it was not so deserted after all?

Jack off in the limo

Or on a special evening, as you travel around in a rented limousine, he might require you to masturbate, regardless of the driver’s attention. (Ask any limousine driver--this is not so rare!)

Nude fast food

How about being forced to ride nude in the passenger seat of his own car at night and to just sit there and endure when he pulls up to the brightly lit fast food drive up window...or service station.

Nude ride

OR how about being forced to ride nude in the passenger seat of his car during the day...with your legs up on the dashboard...masturbating...as he drives down the freeway

Jack at the bar

Would it embarrass you to be forced to masturbate beneath the table cloth while dining at a restaurant

Panties on the table

Your Master could have you go to the restroom, take your panties off, return to the table and hand them to him across the table. And of course he would leave them on the table in plain view. Or maybe He might order you to remove your panties while seated at the table, hand them to Him across the table and then sit with your naked ass on the seat.

Hand feeding

Many times a Master will insists upon feeding his sub in a restaurant (consider yourself lucky if he uses a fork and not his hand)

Standing waiting for permission

Even being forced to just stand up (or kneel) in front of the table at a restaurant for an indefinite amount of time can be quite embarrassing. Everyone starts to stare at you if it goes on long enough, and you still aren't allowed to sit down.

Rectal exam

I know one Mistress who takes her female sub into the restroom and performs an on the spot vaginal/rectal exam...sometimes attaching a variety of 'toys' or clamps.

Nude at party

What if you were ordered by your dominant to walk around nude at a BDSM play party with your hands constantly spreading your pussy lips for everyone's viewing pleasure? There's nothing elegant or beautiful about it --but it's very exposing, and humiliating for lots of people.

Kiss the floor

If you think having to kiss the ground whenever you leave a car is humiliating, you should try having to undress every time prior to entering his car. Now do try having to do the same thing outside the door of your house or apartment. One Master we know, often has his submissive fully undress outside the door to their house and kneel there naked before he will allow her to crawl inside.