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Saturday, July 31, 2010

What I've been doing since I was writing here - I was working and I was spending time with my partner - who goes through intense self facing recently and it is fascinating to see how I stand within this - as she had issues as intense self judgement and self abuse and even destruction with alcohol and separating herself from reality at home and storming inside and hating herself -- in fact she does not doing this - but did in past - and sometimes it comes back - in these moments she evades me - simply does not want me to see and experience her like this - but it is obviously not a solution - I told her face me with yourself not with pretending - and I told her that if we do agreement - we can trust each other more than possible - but I experienced a bit of evading about it - okay she was traveling and she was in jogacamp and art camp and things like that - as she is teacher in the year and can not go away really - only in summer, so she does - but yet I was aware of she was avoiding me.So I told her, and also I shared some stories about what happened with me regarding to other girls - as Gy was who I wanted to be but then I realized she is still worshipping with spiritual buddhism, and she was utterly robotic sometimes and also refused my physical 'closeness' - so I finally wrote an email to her to simply stand by principle as self honesty or fuck off - then she took back from seeking after me...so when I shared this with my partner - I wanted to let her know that I kind of 'like' her expression but I do not wave toward her personally, if she is not moving as self as facing as stopping addictions - then I wont suppor her - so it was tough...Also I stopped sexual fantasies and desires for unrealistic sexual experiences such as orgies and having intense sexual meetings - but by stopping that - I noticed that I wanted to have more sex with her - what I defined as cool, because I was like - this is step one - to focusing all this to physical level - but when she evaded me - even a bit jeaolousy came up as maybe she is not meeting with me because she is having sex with other lololBut in fact she did not - she was inside her head and she was 'down' within the energy game. So then I told her to meet - and she wanted to refuse first, but I told her, 'I dare you to face me' so we met and she was a bit indeed bitchy but we could push through and spoke about it -- she agreed to write more and 'make list' and doing things and making them 'checked out' - to build self will, self-direction, self-trust.As she told - she was doing fine - and three days later I visited her and she was again a bit bitchy - 'turned in' a bit, she had pain in stomach, she told me she is tired, wants to sleep, but she couldnt - simply wanted to deny my presence and I did not accept this - we even did sex - what was quite effective, but in a moment she faded away from @HERE@ and then she stopped and it was obvious that something came up but she did not want to share - I was like wtf, and then I was like her for a moment - she was like 'I dont care, let me be' blah blah and then I was like this for a moment -- and it was fascinating to see - is this me or her - and I was like - okay it's gone - so it is interesting to see - but maybe it was her within me - or something came up from 'past of me' - but in fact if something from past of me comes HERE - then it is not the past lol.

So then we spoke more then she told me she has pain, tired, she must rest - then I was like, okay -- at night I do not sleep much - I was busy with recording the moon and clouds and things like that and then we spoke more and then I told her, I go sleep - then in the morning after a big hug I left - After two days she wrote to me that she realized that she is very grotesque as she went too far and she decided to STOP and change real - and then she called me and then I wrote her some emails, sent some already translated stuff such as Joao and Joana self forgiveness physical system transcendance asissistance with Mykey and the Solution that I am here - these I translated one or two years ago and assisted me much...Also I am going to this goa festival on tuesday - I will help a guy on stage packing and he will use my laptop - ambient music - and then I will dance for Psykovsky - what I like - intense, direct russian trance music...In the last several tranceparties - much self expression things I realized - and I am going to share this points -- regarding to how to transform trance dance from druggy mind experience into physical self expression as I am here.

Also fascinating to see how I stand with this - and I did not want to go into Gy-s tent as she told me that I should sleep with her again - but I did not want - as we would disagree with starting point and also I did not like the idea to sleep with her because she refused me when I wanted to have sex with her -- lol exposing truth.My partner also told me that she would attend - but she prefers to sleep within her tent - to be able to have guests by her own - what I did not like as an idea - and I told her that I should prefer ONE woman but that one absolutely to walk as principle - but at this moment I walk with her - why do not let her 'be'? As I am aware of the 'agreement terms (and conditions lolol)' are compromised - as she is not even aware of all of the tools how to stand and forgive -- self forgiveness we discussed but she did not try - she uses the phrase that 'simply just words wont solve this' and 'this is not my style, I am not of (wo)mann of words, I express different, with dance etc)' - and I explained her how I experience this and how words are the building-blocks of all realiity and in one point she got it...So within the limited time (about 3-4months) I will be here - I decided to stand by her - to assist her and me within stability - and I am aware of the increasing pressure that I push to her about what I do not accept ---- within past when I started process - I simply stated out ' you are all robots, this is the matrix, stand by me or die' - and simply it was stupid...

I am also aware of that I am with her because of the sexual thing - she is quite effective within sexual expressions and we can enjoy - and she is one of the some who do not seek after orgasm - many women I spoke recently and they almost all did not like the idea of having sex but not having orgasm - as this is not the point I would engage - simp0ly of the physical expression and if orgasm is coming, then it is okay, but if actually I stand within the stable physical expression without participation in energy - then orgasm is not required, it comes only if we decide so... so the whole point was when we started to meet to assist each other - not only within sex but all ways - so we will see -- also I am aware of that I have the tendency to 'get out' by saying 'I dont like this - it's fucked' -- instead of communicating, common sense, assist and first stand with and as the other -- so at this moment I stand - and if I realize that I accept compromise - then I stand up from it and we will see that our little 'agreement and support' will last...

It assisted me very much to be physical here - by standing and expressing physically - but the more I push, the more shit comes up from inside - so I push until I breath.

I also started to script up I vote for Equal money system video - I wrote something, I wrote a part of it on paper, I did a video when I read it up to camera - but I will 'practice a bit more' before I finally record to video - I am directing myself.

Also I did not cut my hair in the week - I was busy and I was about to 'after the week' - and today I had a thought - maybe on the next week - then I walked out to eat something and then I did it -- any resistance in this point next time - I will write about it, it is very specific.

I am here to speak about Equal Money System. I stand for man within unification. Those who are self honest to understand the core of the problem - will hear the message - we must change the starting point of our system - what we agree as value of something worthy for living - what is best for all within a global view - not only seeing individual personal self interest, not only seeing on cultural programmed defense mechanisms but actually on the physical level as all individual being equally as one as life. It is unacceptable that those who have the opportunity - simply by having money to buy it - do not act to actually stand up for those who do not have such access for the basic necessaries for life such as food, shelter, REAL education based on common sense, within the starting point of self expression as moment as presence - not as the current system as of programmed consciousness system within the starting point of separation, fear, power, greed and profit.It is not enough to mesmerize ourselves about wishes, prayers, positive thinking, blame as excuse from actually standing up within the act of finding practical solutions for stand up within and as the system and change it from inside out.

Understand that when one is not unconditionally giving up personal values and occupations for the act of unification within the equalization of physical power among human beings - then that one can not be trusted as it's starting point is of systems - is of self interest is of separation is of accepting indirect abuse within the active conscious understanding that the lack of act is in fact the act of evil - because with the power that one is possessing - simply maintaining and participating within such a system what allows millions of children work like slaves, hundreds of millions of people starve and die within agony day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Hundreds of thousands of people who are soldiers of war - are living in the brink of death day by day facing the hell of humanity, the hell of earth, the systematic and conscious, demonic and evil destruction of nature by not else than humans who do not realize that they lost themselves absolutely within the system - humans are fighting for their country, for their family, for their money, for their peace, for their life - and in fact everyone is fighting within the starting point of fear.

Therefore I am busy disassembling my fear-based personality system by the applying self forgiveness and self honesty, writing and sharing of building blocks of my mind consciousness system personality manifestation what is in fact in the way of being effective and expressing my starting point as Life - what is best for me? It is what is best for all.

Therefore I stand for Equal money system, I vote for Equal money system, I vote for world equality, within and as the physical location as called Talamon Jozsef Berta within and as my human physical body because I want change, I want equal rights for all unconditionally.I am aware of this sounds idealistic, but in fact I rather do it 100% before I judge it, I rather explore the consideration of Equal Money System - instead of judging it - because if one is accepting & protecting the current money system - can not be called as life - because it is simply not.

Therefore until it's done, until it's manifested - until this body is breathing - this vote won't be changed - I live as this principle, I do not change within this starting point anymore - because this is who I am and this is what I stand for - the Life as All As One As Equal - as the Unification of Man as I am here On earth, within and as the Physical as existence.

Stand with me as me as Life or Die as the system utterly - there is no middleground in this - we are what we act, what we stand for - equal as one - within and as oneness and equality all ways Here.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Enlightenment mind system demon trap is here.I just spoke with one girl of this buddhist ole nydahl cult - in past we slept together sometimes - I was hoping she will realize - I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to hope in that she will realize instead of realizing the facts here -absolutely this one is possessed and deluded to a certain degree that she can't hear me anymroe ...not getting at all what is Self Realization Here ....so I was pushing her until all exposed - no fucking way she would not define herself as ego as mind as spiritual as enlightenment seeker - here common sense as physical as facts - is disregarded, avoided, evaded and justified with even gurus and with their energy compared with my direct expression -- fascinating and literally jawdropping to see what past I am walking through...fuck spyritual agenda and theese fuckers - like ticks sucking life essence from reality as a halocyanogenic consciousness system pattern manifestation machine...driven by and as and for money as a group of self-interest.

We must stand up and not allow anyone to fuck around like this...Disregard spiritdual deluders - otherwise you are compromising your act of self honesty inside and outside one and equal.How one could allow to fly in energy and consciousness realms when here within the physical millions are disregarded - what matters first is the physical - who we really are is what is here as the physical - until we do not sort out this human condition - deliberate abuse by the excuse and justification of money and self-interest -- until I do not want to hear a word about spiritual agendas around me. Prove your fucking meditation within and as the physical - and stand with those who die within the current money system day by day -- and say to them: -"Don't fuckin' worry - I will be enlightened, I will send my ass into bliss and THEN I will be enlightened and then I will save you all, but until that - you starve and die in the name of my enlightenment, so it's even possible, I even don't want to see you, but I have compassion, I practice it day by day within my meditation, all my prayer and mantra and love and peace and energy - I send it to you for my enlightenment... - Oh physical support? Equalization unconditionally? - Sorry, I am not yet enlightened, I have no power over the system - the system is like that - sooooorry, anyway it is your karma to be fucked, so fuck off, I'm in a fuckin' karma-coma"--GAAAAAAAAAAAA

Friday, July 16, 2010

Enjoying standing up - at the moment no obsessions, no occupations I have - I stick to my todos and push movement. Not having sexual desire, not having energetic obsessions within myself. My job is quite lot - at last weekend - I was alone all days and I was doing VLOG and videos and my second job - and the task I could do what was requested. That was cool. But there are many todos before I could say - the second job is at the state of 'done' - and of course that also have a continuous maintenance part - what I will stop soon. It was interesting but at this moment it is not practical anymore - so I already told that I will stop work for them after this job is done - around autumn I will quit.The primary job - I decided also to script up stopping. Slowly but surely. Around September I will have more direct insights about that.

-The plan is to pick up SRA lessons as much as possible. -There are three more VLOGS to share - the video processing started to become more smooth - in a month - it will be very effective in all ways. Soon light and greenscreen will arrive what will be the preparation for starting hungarian vlogs as well.-Write more - about inner experiences, mostly about physical and jack in the box memory popups.-At this moment I am not being influenced with desire and sexual fantasies - what is cool, the decision must stand - but I will write more to stabilize, to be ensured - I stand.-Looking around about possible businesses(see below**)

**People approach me quite often about they want specific websites and I could help them - many of them can not offer money directly but giving promises about if that would work - money would come...Fascinating investment - about this I have to realize something as it re-re-reoccurs... The temptation and hope of with some job I could get much money - and in the other side - there is a chance that what I do - there wont be payment at all...Common sense.

I started to being interested about business - as it is quite reflects me back - how am I specific within my directness, stability, constant application - look like a great fun to try - I rejected this for years... At this moment I trust myself to a degree that I would not be possessed with more money - simply direct and assist and do support with money. Will see...Also I want to make some experiments related to sound and music - great instruments are here - will see - I do not say with music or soundscapes I could get a lot of money - but a bit of expression, fame can occur... Human relationships - stand one and equal.As Resonances interview revealed - to stand and stopping the matrix of perfection and start Living Self Perfection.That is of "I am too busy" is an excuse - I am always here physically - but as Self where I am? I can emerge and start Direct - and it is not about the Where or When - it is about Self Here.

Noticing about eating less sweet - simply food enough - ok in morning bakery can be sweet - I am one and equal with and as the sweetness of life as sugar. Sometimes even at lunch I eat some sweet - but that's it - I have no desire after chocolate - I noticed that for long term I have not eaten chocolate - a desire could come up - a need - I push this point to come up - or not come up directly to see - what is it?

Also within speakings - I must be aware how and why I speak within specific tonalities with specific humans - for instance with specific girls at company - I mean there I am all day so I express self honesty in the office then...It is not even a desire for something - it's like a formed gentleness - but I must investigate why. Because it is not with all.

I also wrote a long explaining email to Gy - who I was with in last summer at specific events - and I had desire after her and I wanted to form an agreement with her but it was impossible - and not because of I allowed desire - she is simply not getting it yet she somehow tends to want to be with me - in close touching level - but directly avoiding any more intimate communication - physical or verbal - simply as a wall she sometimes stops me and I fed up with that - I wrote almost everything to her in last weekend - lol since then she never responded. Will see - I explained to her what happened inside of me and I open myself absolutely and I share everything of me and how ad why I experience myself and how I experienced her and what I see as self dishonesty within her and if she does not want to push her presence with my presence - directly, with total direct self participation - then I do not want to meet with her - decision made - I stand. I do not need a half 'Gyongy' being - I accept only the totality about her - because I see - she is defining herself still as beautiful woman and spiritual enlightenmentseeker greenpeace activist for good with peace and love -- yet not wants to face directly physical reality - to make her eyes or hands dirty - delusional so I direct. I decided to walk with her - but if she does not push herself to change with the previously mentioned subjects, also with her relationship how she compromises herself and her 'boyfriend' by still loving and thinking of previous her lover boyfriend and sexually not really expressing freely - I told her that is insane.When we directly physically express - it is cool, no bullshit, we express - but when we come to the starting point - she speaks nonsense - and that's why there are cyclic times when she has lack of energy, sadness and self judgmental and self pity and then it is obvious that she will 'reenergetize herself' with those acts what she name as 'good' - such as spyritual agenda or greenpeace participation or being with boys who tend to adore her lolol. That's it for now about her...It looks like she is of my past - I do not judge, I dont want her to go away, I dont want her to stay with my presence(anyway she comes about once in a month) - personally I don't care - but I push presence.

Weekend comes - and Klaudia will arrive on sunday only so I will have one and two days - some will be the job - I will push SRA and mind constructs - and I need to stabilize some self forgiveness points about communicating with people - specifically with those who judge and attack desteni - I get serious emails almost daily what is cool - facing other selfs here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist to do SRA lessons unconditionally. I realized that this is unconscious resistance from not wanting to expose and realize and stop preprogrammed manifestations within myself what are of personality.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Fascinating to realize that I can already be breath - the decision must be lived to actually stop any participation within past definitions and push myself as mother giving birth - breath by breath pushing life into this world...Breath orgasm - for moments I experience - and I realize - this is it what I was after for long years - but I never could stabilize - as I defined it after tiny moments -it was gone - but actually it is possible to express it within stability as presence within self honesty...so I push - and this can be done in any place at any time...And then I defined it and then I transformed into sexual - then I was playing with my genital for a while and then I stopped lol and released and breathed through -- at the moment my partner is gone for weeks and it is fascinating to see how I strive in hope for something other sexual activity - not many times but sometimes it still compounds and takes me away from here and then I realize that no choice - I must stop - right here or I will waste x amount of time and then I will stop - so the stupidity and stubborn nature of my personality reveals.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope after sex instead of stopping desire, stopping defining, stopping escape from the real deal - what is breath here unconditionally always here.

Many works occur, not much time for communication but I've managed to make a hour vlogs - about money system and about my personality -- I'm still processing them - will take some days...Also I am in surprising the Desteni sub4sub guys with a tool what I develop in secret - will be usable soon for automatize mechanical YT participations - lol it is not a secret anymore for those who read my blog...anyway enjoy breath live here

Sunday, July 4, 2010

I am living as a surviver - I am surviving like the ones who are surfing - this implies the case when I was swimming with Esteni in the sea - and it was fascinating because I went in and I was enjoying the huge waves and then I went more in and then the waves were more strong and I could not stand them and they washed me away and then I was resisting and I was fighting against the water - basically against the ocean - and in fact I even enjoyed it - the fight, the fact that I was being pushed down and washed away and then Esteni came after me about the waves started to pull me out so I should come back - and then I realized that yes, I was a bit already tired and I was fighting and in that fight - in the beginning I was enjoying to fight it but then I simply slipped - I was not really myself anymore but this fight - as physically I was fighting for my life.Yes, Esteni, I realized the point intensely as this happened already - almost exactly - I was in south India, near Goa at a beach called Paradise - lol it is called like - where I was with a greek girl who just literally arrived to india and we went into the water and then big waves came she immediately went deeper to avoid being crushed and I didn't - I was very close to the rocks - and what happened that I was washed away and I felt myself literally like I was sitting in a washing machine. Then the wave was over and I was seeing that my head is not so far from rocks - and that contact could simply smash my head with all of my brain like a pumpkin over the rocks. In that moment she shouted for me that 'It's coming again' - and I started to move but it was too late - the washing machine experience came again - but in this time I was sure that it comes with my physical end. I had some thoughts like 'people in this cases tend to see their lives roll over before their eyes like a superfast videoclip? - and next thought was my mother' and the next one was like 'WTF?'- and then the wave came - it was a timeless experience - and when it was over I opened my eyes and I was squating front of a really unfriendly rock from my forehead about 5 centimeters.Then I moved!I moved like it does not matter what is going on but in this moment I move myself - in that first movement I bruised my hip hard but I continued to go out no matter what - and I managed to avoid the next wave.

Then something happened. Something definitely happened within myself because I was standing there - at paradise beach with a remarkable new scar on my body proving that I am still here.---Ok I did some vlogs about it after writing this...