Islam/Lite

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Islam lite is the version of Islam officially supported by the Coca-Cola corporation (after it was forced to give up its share in "Islam Classic) by the combined forces of God (One of the many false names used by Oscar Wilde), Bill Gates and 7 of the Dalai Lamas former incarnations.
In essence, the spirit of Islam is raped and marketed for an American audience, all the weird squiggly writing is taken out of
the Qu'ran (known in Islam-lite as the Qen) and replaced with real
letters and words. According to recent reports- up to 16 people
worship Islam-lite, and that number could soon rise when these sad people discover each other and breed.

Contents

You must recant the pledge of allegiance 5 times a day, even if being thrown down a Californian Storm Drain at the time

You must eat only 22 cheeseburgers a day during the month of RamHerDan (this act of abstinence is the reason few Americans convert)

You must travel to Branson, Missouri at least once in your lifetime

As the Prophet Mohammed said "I'll be bollocks'd if I'm thinking of more than three, do it your fucking selves!, Allah! (most benevolant and merciful), why don't you fuckers ever do anything yourselves! Allah!! (most benevolant and merciful), fuck this! I'll be in my golden palace

What point did the Prophet make in point 4? Pay particular attention to language and actions. [27 marks]

Islam-lites (known amongst themselves as 'slammers) worship in places called Mosqdonalds- there are 16 of these for every person on any given street, anywhere in the world (while wandering the desert- Moses climbed onto the roof of one to receive his drive-thru)

'Slammer Men are allowed to wear anything they wish-although a
garish baseball cap is suggested then visiting places of cultural
signifance belonging to other people. Women have to wear a Burqa-King at all times, this is mainly just a euphemism for "fat hips".

Throughout its history, Islam Lite has been guided by no less than 15 Prophets, although many have been less than satisfactory. Below is the list of Prophets and their recorded deeds

1. Mohammed- Founded the religion in Greater Manchester, forced to flee by Chavs and set up residence in Branson, Missouri. Forced no less than 200,000 people to convert, believed to have started the Anti-charmanderism so prevalant amongst 'slammers today.

2. The Toad from the animals of farthing wood- Led a devoted few to the legendary white dear park (the "dear" extending from the overblwon entrance fee for what is essentially a field)