Anger Management and Short Attention Spans

Summary:

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Notes:

Disclaimer: many ppl will find this work offensive- that is the point. it is freedom of speech and some random opinions meant for entertainment purposes only. i am not taking a stance on anything here. please no flames

Work Text:

Hi! My name is Isabelle- not really, but why would tell you my real name?- I’m not stupid- duh! Anyway, as I said, my name is Isabelle, Izzy, whatever works because if you call to me on the street using any one of those names, (assuming you know what I look like, though I can’t see how you would) I won’t answer. So begins my story. My name is Izzy and I have anger management problems. Everyone does, some people are just better at hiding it than others. If you would talk to my friends, they’d probably say I was one of those people that easily controlled themselves. But, they’ve never really seen me angry. Sure I get annoyed at people- that’s usually when they think I’m angry, but I’m not, that’s just the first level. I like them, so no real reason to be angry with them, but everyone gets annoyed. Slight things like the noise someone makes while breathing or that distracting sound of someone who is insistent on making herself and all the people around her miserable- just blow your freakin’ nose already! Then we can all move on with our lives and you can stop sniffling. I honestly don’t know what some people have against tissues- they are not hard on your nose and it cannot be comfortable with breathing through half a nostril while the other one and half suck in air and it rebounds, hitting a solid wall. Why torture yourself like that? Why torture others like that? No one likes getting sick but sniffling does not bring sympathy, it bring angry hordes of people quietly fuming to themselves because some idiot couldn’t excuse herself from class for two minutes to get a tissue. Anyway, I’m ranting, so I’ll move on now to bigger and better things. Actually, I’m not sure what I’m going to write next but that sounded like something someone with ambition would say and I’d like to think of myself as ambitious. Not overly ambitious in the Macbeth “I’m gonna kill my best friend to achieve whatever goal I have in mind in the next three seconds” ambitious, but the good kind that prompts you to strive for the better things in life, like good grades in school and a well- paying job and a comfortable place to stay at night. I love a good hot bath after a long day of work and before you say, “that was a random thing to say,” it was not. I am not random, I just think faster than you. (No, that is not my quote; I do not know whose it is, but that is my disclaimer—the quote belongs to itself.) Anyway, a bath is a good way to calm down. An even better way to calm down is taking a bath in a jacuzzi , the greatest bath known to human kind. I hate when people say mankind- it is so sexist. Personally, I like to think of myself as neither a feminist nor a manist(?) (What do you call those people that are all for men’s rights- they don’t really get a special name because they were not oppressed like women and blah blah blah.) So when I defend women’s rights or a woman’s place in society, that doesn’t mean that I think that men are the weaker sex, just that women aren’t. (I defend everyone's rights- we should all have the right to do whatever we please as long as it doesn't harm others and everyone else can just shut up about it. Go Adam Lambert! He's gay, Jewish, a redhead and used to be overweight- there are four things people would torture you for in high school all in one person! Just relax and "let it be". Worry about yourselves, no one else.) Why can’t men and women be treated equally, no one being the “top dog”. Who came up with that expression anyway? The top dog—obviously a dog- lover, because if not, then we’d all be saying stuff like the “top cat” or “top monkey”. That’d be interesting- from now on, I shall use the expression “top monkey” whenever I so wish- let that be accredited to me—Izzy—hey that rhymes! Speaking of rhyming, don’t you hate when you read a poem or write one for that matter and you find that the rhyming scheme is extremely disorganized, for lack of a better description. I mean, if you are going to rhyme, then go all the way, rhyme every two lines or every line or every third word, I don’t care as long as there is a pattern, a method to the madness, because who likes un-methodical madness? It doesn’t work. If you are going to rhyme, rhyme, and if you prefer poetry that doesn’t rhyme, or just aren’t all that great at rhyming, then don’t rhyme. Poems sound just fine when they don’t rhyme. Some would even argue that a non- rhyming poem captures more of your essence and intention that rhyming poems because you are not confined to the constructs of the English (or any other) language. You are free to write whatever you please without using simple words like cow and now because they rhyme. As long as the poem is coming from your heart (and your pen because your heart can’t leave traces of ink on paper), then the poem will be good and will blow everyone away. Really, I mean it. I love reading poems just about what people are feeling, not about pop-stars they love or other stupid subjects. Write about yourself, not someone else’s life because that poem you wrote about your favorite singer or actress or other things obsessed fans write about, will be missing vital information and emotion felt by the subject of your poem. Earlier, I mentioned two rhyming words; cow and now. Did you ever notice how the word now is so hard to rhyme with. You can go through the alphabet looking for rhymes and you get bow, cow, dow, fow, gow, how, jow, kow, low, mow, ow, pow, quow, row, sow, tow, vow, wow, xow, yow, zow. Most of those are optical rhymes but do not actually sound the same (which I discovered in English class this past week is actually an accepted form of rhyming—see William Blake’s “The Tyger” in which he rhymes eye and symmetry—so now you really don’t have to look up the poem because I told you what was written.) Other words that are hard to rhyme with are orange (not that I’ve ever written a poem about an orange, though now that I’ve concluded that nothing rhymes with orange, if I ever feel the need to write a poem about fruit, the orange will not be included.) Speaking of fruit, I found out in class on Friday that one of my teachers does not like fruit. (Technically she likes some fruit because tomato and avocado are scientifically fruit even if people don’t think of them as part of the sweet tree family.) How do you not like fruit?! I don’t care if you had a traumatic experience when you were younger- you cannot resist the fruity goodness of mango, cherries, crunchy grapes, hard and sweet apples, and our other yummy friends. Is that insensitive? To not care about someone’s traumatic experience? I’m not one to dwell on the past (I think!) and I think you should always talk to family and friends, and maybe even teachers, before seeking professional help, but others, like psychologists, psychiatrics, and social workers, highly recommend talking to them first and paying money to hear that you are dwelling on the past and need to let go- isn’t that why you went to them in the first place? You already knew that! And yet you go back twice a week so they can “help you” with your problems while you line their pockets in (hopefully!) well-earned money (side note- stealing is bad, do not attempt to steal, and if you do, make sure it is worth the months in prison and steal something worthwhile. I will not attempt to list the things worthwhile to steal right now because it is late and I am getting tired). Before I go to sleep, I would like to give you a word of advice- do not use alarm clocks unnecessarily because they shock you into waking up. It is much healthier for your heart to wake up when your body decides it wants to wake. On that note, showers in the late morning/ early afternoon are the most wonderful showers you could take. The light comes streaming through the window, lighting the white walls of the shower in a beautiful ray of heat and warmth and the whole experience is so calming and peaceful and all together so much better than showering at night in the unnatural lighting of the fixture that has three bulbs, but only two working bulbs (I should really have that fixed) or the rushed showers in the morning before the water has warmed up after getting cold all night. So take my advice, and live a healthier life. Only use alarm clocks when necessary and strive to take warm, naturally lit showers for a better life experience. The last thing I leave you with is my motto; life is good. I don’t care what happens to you—I know, I’ve been there—but you’re alive and that is what matters. Celebrate life. Celebrate today, because who knows if you’ll merit to see tomorrow. Live life; love life; love yourself, and the rest will fall into place. Good night!

Good Morning everyone! My phone just started ringing and I’m hearing “The Dog Days are Over, the gLee studio version. For those of you who don’t know, the original artist is….. well I’m not actually sure! I’ll have to check that! Anyway, has anyone ever attempted to decipher the lyrics of this song?

Happiness hits her

Like a train on its track

Coming towards her

Stuck staring, not turning back

Why can’t she turn back? From fear? Okay- reasonable excuse. Good, next- why is she stuck on a train track? Maybe it’s a metaphor for what’s going on in her life. Maybe everything that is happening is just hitting her so badly that its frozen her. She’s exhausted from the harshness of the world around her.

Run fast for your mother

Run fast for your father

Run for your children

For your sisters and your brothers

Leave all your lovin’

Your lovin’

Behind

You can’t carry it with you if you want to survive

Where is she running? Away from life? Away to a better life? What is she doing? Why is she leaving her loving behind? Leaving love behind is a bad thing. You cannot survive without love. Humans need love to live. If you have nothing in life, you always have love. The people around you, your friends, your family, even the people that speak to you for two minutes every three weeks in school to say, “Hi” and ask how you’re doing. They do that because they care, because they love you. So its not the highest form of love, but it is still something to get you through the day. Don’t leave it behind because without it, you cannot survive. You will not accomplish anything by leaving your loved ones behind and forgetting about them. Even when they are no longer with you, you have to remember. You have to hold onto the good memories that made you smile and use the bad memories to make you stronger. Learn from love, don’t disregard it.

The dog days are over

The dog days are done

Can your hear the horses

Cuz here they come

Now, has anyone ever been confused by these lyrics? Why are the dog days over but the horse days are coming? I sort of understand the metaphor of how the dog is like the underdog and he gets stepped on and pushed around and the horse is all high an d mighty and he trods on other creatures so you’re not gonna be the underdog anymore but rather the “top monkey”. (*See my first post, titled Anger Management and Short Attention Span) But does this remind anyone else of the Chinese New Year? You know, where every year is another animal? It reminds me of that and I just can’t understand th song? It doesn’t make sense. And if you are going to choose a stronger animal, then choose a predator, like a lion, tiger, cheetah, shark , or something along those lines, not a horse. Also, in school this month, we had an assignment to read and annotate volumes one and four of Gulliver’s Travels, by Jonathan Swift. It is a terrible book. Because of that, I can’t wait to see the new movie with Jack Black in it. He’s hilarious and from what I’ve seen of the previews, it is going to be nothing like the book, so I am ready to go enjoy myself. So I was annotating volume four on the bus home and let me tell you, it is one weird book. I believe the author intended to criticize bestiality but I don’t know. All I know is that it creeped me out when the horse commands him to get naked, and then begins stroking him. Ewwwwwww! Why would you write about that? Why would you torture people like that? Be direct- just say what you need to say and get it over with, but please do not write about it for over fifty pages. It’s not right. Just get to your point and be done with it. While I was reading this volume, the song “The Dog Days Are Over” came on my ipod (yes I know I listen to it a lot but I like the song!) and I thought that was hilarious. What a way to brighten my bad experience reading such a bad book. So I commented on the song, completely ignoring what was said on that page, because that is so much more interesting than hearing something about the book. Anyway, my teacher cannot possibly read every comment in my book, too many pages, too many students, so she just walks up and down the aisles, reading two to four comments from each person’s book. The chances of her finding that page specifically are slim and the chances of her enjoying the comment if she does find it are great. She likes funny things, even if she herself is not so funny all the time. All people like to hear funny things, don’t they? You don’t have to be able to make your own jokes to enjoy other people’s jokes. Right? Anyway, I gotta go do school work and a rerun of House is on so Bye!

Notes:

Disclaimer: many ppl will find this work offensive- that is the point. it is freedom of speech and some random opinions meant for entertainment purposes only. i am not taking a stance on anything here. please no flames