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Tuesday, 11 March 2014

On My Way

I have had a terrible few weeks if I'm being honest. My laptop has decided it's had enough so I've been MIA for a while. On top of all of that I have been under so much stress and my MS is just...ugh.

I have no idea what my body is doing at the best of times but lately I've felt really strange.

The good news is that all problems are in hand and being sorted, but it's almost as if my mind has got so used to feeling so low about everything, and now that a miracle has happened and everything is being sorted and quite a few of my dreams are about to come true, I still feel low about it all.

I have been trying to train my mind to get used to the idea of all the positive things happening and it's getting better so it's working. I'm also in shock to tell you the truth. Complete shock that all of these really heavy problems are being waved away. Like I said, a miracle.

As for my MS well it's a bitch still. My pain hasn't changed and I'm able to just about manage it, but all the other stupid niggly symptoms are going nuts. I'm finding it very difficult to walk lately, but it's nothing to do with my leg strength and being able to hold myself up, it's the walking itself. I'm stumbling and waddling all over the place - the typical 'she's not sick she's drunk' scenario. If I try and walk with my crutches it's even worse and I end up falling over the crutches. I'm feeling weird all over really. My tremors have been quite bad and my cognitive functions are backfiring.

Because of all this I've been quite frightened to go to the gym, I haven't been in a month and it's killing me but I just don't know what my body is playing at and until I'm confident I can't risk it.

I've been so stiff and tired, with nausea 24/7 I've struggled to keep myself going. I'm only just about managing to look after myself, Dyllan and the house so I must force myself to sit back and rest.

During the coming weeks I have so much exciting and positive things happening it's unreal. I feel like pinching myself to make sure I'm not dreaming. Thinking ahead takes my mind away for a while to concentrate on happy and positive things. I should use this resting time wisely as I'm probably not even going to have the time to think when everything comes together.

I have a lot of things to meditate on and plans to be made. I just don't know where to start!