I wholly disagree, vector. I avoid posting my humour here or on facebook unless it'ssomething original or it's really funny that I haven't heard before. And I've heard a lot, enough to 'see where it's going' and inwardly groan if I see the train wreck 'round the bend. Humour is a twist on the expected, basically. Last year, I saw on a street sign for a child care center a business description that included the phrase "Having a baby?" among the rest of the text. I thought of switching one of the letters so it read "sHaving a baby?" (chose not to of course) but like South Park or The Young Ones, some people just get offended. Heck, certain Fox commentators, Rush in particular, think they're being funny with the bleep they say, or maybe they know they're being offensive and pretend humour just as they pretend they're 'fair and balanced'.Likewise, I saw the potential of a theatre marquee in my hometown and took a photo because I saw the potential 'spin' on it. Three movies, names one above the other with showtimes. In order, 'Harry Potter', 'Riding in Cars with Boys' and 'From Hell'. It timed with the fringe conservative assertion of HP being -oooh- satanic. Nowadays, that jokes missed its 'best before' date. which reminds me, I just finished using up a bottle of shampoo when I noticed a best before date when I first started using it (s'truth) but bought on sale. And I asked if this means it's not safe to drink.

Timing and delivery, that's more for standard standup where people come to the venue expecting to be bowled over. And expecting the unexpected.

(Living in Steinbach, Manitoba, Canada) I had a salesman from the provincial telecom MTS going around my neighborhood door to door yesterday, well, presumably those doors on the list that get their high speed from MTS as opposed to Shaw cable. Around Mar.'12, they installed fibre optic lines in the local region, to quote from our local online news service:

"MTS officially launched its fibre-to-the-home network in Steinbach this week. The FiON Network, as it is referred to, is a new technology that uses fibre optic cables instead of traditional copper wiring to deliver voice, internet and TV services. Crews have been installing the infrastructure needed to support the network in Steinbach for some time. One of the reasons it has taken so long is because each home is now essentially hard-wired to MTS.MTS President Kelvin Shepherd (centre) says subscribers will notice the benefits immediately."What it's letting us do is deliver a much, much faster network connection that is able to support hundreds of channels of TV, high-definition TV, faster internet as well as your phone service. Because it is fibre optics right to your home, we believe it's going to be more reliable and a higher quality signal than say an older coax network or copper telephone network would have been."Fibre optics uses light instead of electricity and provides a direct connection to the home which, according to MTS, will allow home services to work together seamlessly with the additional bandwidth now available. According to MTS, the network is connected to the existing wiring in the home by a device called an Optical Network Terminal (ONT). The ONT is needed to convert the fibre optic signal so that it can be distributed over the home's existing wiring. In most cases, the ONT will be installed in the basement.Shepherd agrees the upgrade to add the city to the network has taken some time, but it will be well worth it for local subscribers"

I've never pinged myself to measure speed though I'm supposed to have 10D/3Up high speed. My youtube nearly always lags which is why I've so far avoided Netflix. So people, are you paying/other telcos selling a monthly surcharge (mine will be $2 with a scheduled time in house to install) for the 'last mile', is it worth it as in how much of an issue bottleneck is it?

Offhand, Airplane! and the Naked Gun come to mind. I also loved Johnny Dangerously and I'm Gonna Get You Sucka. Something not too well known is Kentucky Fried Movie, an earlier work by the Airplane writers - kind of a Mad magazine pastiche of sketches, hit and miss and knowing Enter the Dragon helps with the parody movie part. The MST3K series used to be the winner for pop-blown-through-my-nose explosive laughter; that might have been a phase of mine.For TV shows, I lean to Red Dwarf and Sledge Hammer.

IMHO, the 80's music began in the late 70's, ended in the late 80's and peaked with MTV prior to them going with rap, grunge and out of music. And Night Flight Friday night. (I had a 10 ft dish back then) Like about the time Heart, Foreigner, Elvis Costello, the Clash, Alan Parsons, and many good Canadian bands like Honeymoon Suit, Toronto, Prism and for me, Streetheart, etc. - all whose careers began around '77-'78. I find myself easily finding a good 80's vid on youtube and daisychaining off on the suggestions on the right side of the window. Luv the 80's.

"Jesus lives in my heart.""Very good." said the teacher. She picks on another kid"Jesus lives in Heaven." Very good said the teacher.Little Johnny is in the back just waving his hand to be called on. The teacher didn't want to call on little Johnny but it nevertheless."Jesus lives in the bathroom."After a moment, the teacher asked why he lived in the bathroom."Every morning when my dad gets up he bangs on the bathroom door and asks Jesus Christ! are you still in there?"

Do anything...at first I thought you were advocating a system whereby a "scarlet letter" (reference to the Hawthorne novel, if you missed the connection) to be attached to member's profile. Sometimes an intended relationship does end badly, like either side ending it while the other is mentally 'caught in the headlights', and miscommunication and disappointment can lead to vindictive feelings.As far as height disparities, if your eye questions it, coffee shop, and notice the yardstick at the door. Age, second date if there is one, odd look and say a friend saw 'us' together and we need to settle a bet - could I see your drivers' license? Technically a lie, but no worse than what we tell telemarketers - no 'malintent', no harm, no foul. You could be straightforward but it's awkward. I have been told at work I look younger over the years but I've never used that in a profile; a car may be well waxed but that doesn't roll back the odometer. And, if things work out, the truth will out and then... much credibility lost.Important things are more easily obscured and more important to honesty. Marital status, smoking or other vices, health issues come to mind offhand.

I think you made that 'profile' up. But here's an excerpt from an actual one I ran across today. Incidentally, you could not 'travel extensively' west of Winnipeg and not hit PLaP, it's just that close.:

About MeI am not at all interested in meeting anyone. I am a 36 year old female with blonde hair and occasional constipation. My hobbies include taxidermy, breeding iguanas, and teaching stunt car driving to midgets. I am also self employed in the crystal meth production industry. I have travelled extensively throughout west Winnipeg and really hope to visit Portage la Prairie in the future. If you are the kind of guy who enjoys showering a lady with gifts and money, feel free to message me. Boo-Ya!

Had me scratching my bean, thinking have people been both teachers and strippers? Answer by google, yes, in the US, Canada and the UK. More I'm sure if I continued.And more still I'm sure if you include teachers who have also quietly engaged the shameful practice (during home renos) of paint and wallpaper strippers.The situation doesn't quite fit (though the video does) else I'd be closing with...Got it bad, Got it bad, Got it bad, I'm hot for teacher

Just had a thought. I'm a southpaw and, when I flip through a book or magazine, it's nearly always back to front. So, in my case, I can see flipping through the book of yours truly, get to the front, and the title is The Strange Case of Benjamin Button.

I was then thinking of that, in quick reverse playback; would the Button movie be more 'normal'? But I'd sooner waste my time away watching the Pink Floyd Wizard of Oz mashup. BTW, when that new 2013 WOZ prequel movie came out, I googled the phrase to see if anyone else made the connection with Sabbath's Ozz-man, calling it "Ozzy the Great and Powerful"

I didn't start collecting LP's until Foreigner/Boston/Heart so I never really cottoned to the older Kinks with the exception of the two or three singles. After that, I got into them with the LP's (and now I have the CD's) of Sleepwalker, (the great) Misfits and Low Budget -played LB to death, and a couple others. Shame that the originals are so hard to get and most stores only carry Best of's nowadays. Pretty much have to go to eBay.

Technically this is a blonde joke as I heard it, but it still works in this thread.

A blonde girl comes rushing home to her mum and says: "Mummy mummy! Today at school everyone could only count to 3 but I can count to 5. Look - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Does that mean I am special mummy?""Yes dear it does."The next day the blonde girl comes running in again and says: "Mummy mummy! Today at school everyone could only say the alphabet from A to C but I can go until E. Look - A, B, C, D, E. Does that mean I am special mummy?""Yes dear it does."The next day the blonde girl comes rushing home and says "Mummy mummy! Today at school we were getting changed for physical exercises and all the other girls had really flat chests but I had these ...!" She opens her blouse and reveals a humongous pair of DD breasts. "Is it because I am special mummy?"

On another tack:I was looking at the Staples flyer today. There's a Friday / Saturday doorcrasher special, a multifunction printer/scanner for $19.95 reduced by $40. It crossed my mind before reading the smaller print, one per customer, that, at the price for printer ink cartridges, buy three and then, when it runs out of ink, open a new box, remove the inkjet cartridges and toss out the printer.On one level it works, on another it's just wrong.

Not a typo, but tonight I heard on CBC radio As It Happens tonight an interview with a cellist whose left-handed cello was badly damaged by airline baggage handlers, looking at $5000 to repair it. And I can sympathize; the cello is truly a soulful instrument.But what if the interview was an irate musician upset that "thems baggage 'andlers done tore me bagpipes"?(Play in sympathy the 'world's tiniest violin'?)

I saw in today's local news website, in the classifieds, not a typo but an intentional misleading header. In the latest For Sale listings ran the words 'Torture Device'. Out of curiosity and not a latent sadistic streak - really - I clicked the link. It was an ad for one of those multifunction exercise home gym equipment.

One that's kept with me for a long time, though I no longer have it, a National Lampoon Foto Funny page from 1979 that might be relevant. I had to google what I remembered to get the verbatim text. In the series of pictures, a man and woman are sitting up in bed:

woman: Y'know what I dig in a man? Tenderness...and lots of strength! I want a guy who's gorgeous, but not stuck up about it. Have lots of money but not be tight with it...man: (looks puzzled and rolls eyes during her spiel)woman: I want him to be intellectual, but rugged! Manly and protective, but lets me do whatever I want. Sweet and romantic but tough. Lets me knows his feelings but doesn't tell me anything I don't want to hear....man: Hey, you find a guy like that and I'll -expletive- him!

Sorry Ken (hopefully not by Mattel), I'm not a lady. Real or otherwise. But, whereas you posted this within the humor forum, allow me to send you my last year's Chuck Norris calender for the real man archetype. (One with months like When Chuck wants orange juice, he squeezes Florida) I should be able to fish it out of the recycle bin. The fact I recycle indicates I'm not one.Unless you mean Real Man Lite: gun rack, six pack, four by four Ca-aptain Ca-aveman!

Your "God" argument on the plane lies somewhere between the parental CuzISaidSo! and South Park's convoluted Chewbacca Defense. "Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense!" -SP's Johnny Cochrane character. Matter of fact, there's a web page expounding on the Chewbacca defense, and, deconstructed, it's a common method of political (& Fox News) obfuscation. And the 'don't know poop' position can be applied to anything, combining abuse, avoiding the question and making yourself -seem- right by making the other side -seem- wrong. How can I tell you the earth is round if I don't know 'poop'?

A man walks into an office.Man: (Michael Palin) Ah. I'd like to have an argument, please.Receptionist: Certainly sir. Have you been here before?

I remember the other weekend, I heard on Bob FM Carly Simon's You Belong to Me. Very nice wistful tune, sad, pathos, song of lost love and all, but I was thinking, it seemed amusing to wonder - just how creepy it would be - if the lyrics were sung by a guy.Maybe it's just that women stalkers make the news not because they're really unwelcome (unless one party involved is married) as much as how rare it is. Like the double standard of teacher student affairs. See, started off sensible and ended up on a South Park episode. Ah, well.

Okay. There was a thread called In The News Today, so I'm picking up the ball and running with it again. In today's Sun newspaper, there was the article:"BOUCHERVILLE, Que. — Goliath, a 15.5-pound lobster that had been for sale at a grocery store outside Montreal, has been saved from the pot and will live out the rest of its life at the Montreal Biodome instead.Goliath has been spared from sale at the IGA Extra in Varennes, Que., after store manager received e-mails from as far afield as Belgium and France begging him to spare the crustacean after a QMI Agency report revealed the lobster's existence."People asked me not to sell, and said that it would be sad for his life to end on a plate," Yves Lalonde said in French. "I contacted the Biodome and asked them if they'd like to take it. They agreed, and I asked them to keep his name."Upon arriving at the Biodome, Goliath was put into quarantine, where the lobster will remain for a month while it acclimatizes to its new home."

One month later the reporter returns to the Biodome, asking after Goliath:"Doctor, the giant lobster Goliath, how is he?""He was absolutely delicious, thank you for asking"

Did you see the notice for the (s'truth) upcoming movie for Nov2013, Silent Night of the Living Dead? It says "the story of a group of locals who hole up in a West Sussex high school on Christmas Eve and have to fend off zombies"

I can't say classic; there's ten zombie films for next year 'til we get overexposed and move on to the next big thing. Thankfully, tween emo vampires have come and gone.

Sorry. I was unclear. Rastafarians were in regarding 'weed' as their version of wafers and wine, and the sect with polygamy, without naming 'em, the religion of MarIe antoineTTe Romney. You could also add the Amish who draw the line at any technology not in the bible, an interpretation based on example but not a teaching, see MITT's group, without naming names...

John Stewart had said to one of his guests recently polygamy is in the bible. Whereas the guest (forget who it was) said Jesus said that man and woman coming together in union. I don't remember the exact quote though the degree of interpretation vary wildly on what the person's opinion or agenda is.My point of slight humour is, traditional marriage if you take the mainstream interpretation, a sect with polygamy quoting the example of King David if you want a harem/henhouse, and, withthe case of the Rastafarians, who quote the given dominion over the plants and animals, representative of the the tree of life and the first plant to grow on the grave of King Solomon.There's a bible college in my area. Without saying anything locally, 'cause y'never know who you might offend, I'm thinking they're researching loopholes.

I prefer to make jokes that are at least a little original. I sent this one to a friend on Friday:

So, tonight's the end of the world by the Mayan calender. I have that beat. I have the Chuck Norris calender (s'truth) and the days go on to the end of the year.---Chuck Norris has let us live!!!----But, if you buy next year's Chuck Norris calender, there might be a date on it where it says "Chuck Norris gives the earth a roundhouse kick". And then followed by blank squares for the rest of the year. It -could- happen.

MarIe antoineTTe has been on both sides of every major issue before and during the campaign. And with the right-wing capacity for doublethink, he may pull it off. If Obama can't defeat Two-Face, we may need Batman!

And as he goes among the shambling masses he holds in contempt when the cameras aren't on, he'll bring The Donald, his new Secretary of You're Fired.

Also, on Friday, I was reading through the local paper at the receptionists desk before leaving work. There's a column called Upcoming Events, for meetings, banquets, dances, etc. I was way too amused with one entry, for a support group. It read:"8 Stages of Healing for Family & Friends with Mental Illness or Addition Problems" followed by the place and time info. (Obviously a typo for 'Addiction Problems') Really? So, I can go if I'm sane but really bad at math?

It sounds like a thread for, as the mods recommend, not starting a new thread for a new joke/comment. Anyway, as I was flipping the dial without much on today, I ended up watching Dexter's Laboratory on Cartoon Network today. It's a 2000ish cartoon bout a boy genius with this pseudo-Hungarian accent. (I have a Korean Accent but that's another story - Hyundai if you missed the connection)If it was made today, would "Dexter's Laboratory" be about a police pathologist serial killer who runs a meth lab? (Dexter+Breaking Bad)

I thought it began with Haitian culture until I looked it up; every culture has had an undead mythos, slight differences evolved independently. Just as the 'Golden Rule' exists within every culture phrased differently - getting along is a requirement of a functional society, not a singular divine truth. Likewise, there are basic fears.But what I really meant to say...last year I read World War Z, had to before the Brad Pitt movie adaptation comes out. That really provided a framework for the spread and reactions to the contagion. Very good read. The most transfixing scene IMHO is the lines of cars leaving their cities, gridlocked on the highways bumper to bumper with nowhere to go while thinking it's better elsewhere, and the zombie 'herd' slowly flooding this line, people reacting badly by shooting through their windows, and this scene viewed from the helicopter of a pickup truck stalled as the narrator comments seeing the horse trailer behind it rocking.

S'funny. I now see the OP was referring to instrumental soundtracks, not those in general. Okay, for instrumental, I'd cop me the easy 'uns, Star Wars and 2001, the only ones that grabbed my attention. And I started off before opening this thread thinking about Battleship, which I came away with thinking had a great one with ZZ Top, Squier, AC/DC, etc, like Top Gun's Danger Zone spread out. Shame when I looked it up for confirmation, the soundtrack CD released was the instrumental bits virtually unnoticed.So, for a vocal/instrumental soundtrack, in the tradition of Saturday Night Live and Rocky Horror, my personal 'like' goes to Phantom of the Paradise. One weak piece (Upholstery) and rest is very lively and singable. And a special nod to the intentionally non-professional sounding but well written Once More with Feeling from Buffy TVS.

In the nearby city of Winnipeg, they're building a 'Human Tights Museum', organized by someone who's looking for a headline for their eventual tombstone. And the only way I could get behind it is it had George Carlin's You Have No Rights monologue carved in stone outside. Easy to look up, otherwise it's too long to quote. To wit, there are no rights, God would not have chosen those particular "God-given" rights, all countries have a different set of 'basic human rights' and they are, in fact, temporary privileges the government can take away whenever they please. The government doesn't care about you, just its power, and you have unlimited rights or no rights at all.

Something about the penny thing here in Canada has me a little perplexed. Maybe I'm missing something. Okay, you say the retailer will round up or down (yeh, right) to the nearest nickel - until the nickel becomes passe. But retailers advertise the base pre-tax price. Nearly daily, I go to McDonalds, read the paper over coffee and a muffin. Combo priced at $1.39, after tax, $1.56. All items are listed pre-tax. So would you switch over to posting the full price, because if you bring the taxed amount the the non-penny price, the listed price would be penny-based.Never mind. I just googled a before and after sales tax calculator. If the coffee and muffin is post taxed at $1.60, the pre-tax -could- be listed on the board as $1.43, a hypothetical value since no-one will be paying the $1.43. And I bet to achieve $1.60, it will be a fraction above or below the $1.43, which wouldn't happen when you tax upwards. Right now, my coffee example is nickle-dime so-to-speak but that applies to anything.

Okay, they're still touring. I wondered (even though I'm older than him) how long the lead singer (Solinger, who's 45) can sing "We are the youth gone wild". I know, a little creative license, like when Elton John sings love songs towards women.Still, it might make for a Weird Al-Bob Rivers take to use the music for YGW with 'geezer' lyrics. 18 and Life at least, great song and video, with a third person story.

Not to direct against them either. I mean, about three years ago, A Flock of Seagulls passed through Winnipeg. Hefty and balding, they might as well be a cover band.

Saw one in a book on graffiti many years ago, and I love it. The kind of simulated naive innocence. It read:My mother made me a lesbian.(underneath, in a different handwriting)If I give her the wool, will she make me one too?

I did one in, ah, withhold location, several years ago. I don't like to make work for others but it was too tempting. Someone wrote in the stall: I lost twenty pounds in here(rude and uninspired I thought, so I wrote)How much is that in Canadian money?

I wasn't sure which way this was going. I -thought- of bringing up the article from Vol 1 of the book The Onion, which has the article Upset Vegetarians Declare Cows Plants. Or the Hitchhikers Guide, where the cow at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe, bred for the intelligence to volunteer, describes his 'tasty bits' at the table for Arthur Dent and company.

But to add to the cannibalism thread, I read this book last year Flags of Our Fathers, the Japanese command sent its troops to China, the islands and elsewhere with minimal food and orders to take "local provisions only", something like that. And through necessity and cultural arrogance, cannibalism was one more thing they did. (I'm tempted to harp on over to their Unit 731, crimes and lack of punishment unlike Joseph Mengele's ilk, that make Saw look like a Disney flick. Off topic though)

Simply grown protein, I guess it depends to what extent we need -some- meat in our diet. I've always heard that a purely vegetarian diet lacks some nutritional elements but that a mainly veg lifestyle is for the best.

I think at my age of 7.1 dog-years, it's a little academic. As in I've evoked no interest (and no profile review please) from any egg-laying hens (that's an attempt at Foghorn Leghorn humor, no insult intended) as they're no longer in my generation. But in my 20's, I had great fondness for a friend's sister, about my age, with two kids, C & J, who liked me and I thought they were pretty cool, liked them too. I missed attempting a connection after she was divorced then left for BC. But what I thought would have been an absolute bonus about her was that she had made the, ah, permanent choice not to have any more. surgically. I was a little paranoid about the Russian Roulette consequence (STD as in Screaming Toddler Drama) of any physical relationship, as much as I may have wanted to love and be loved on a very real level until my first hug, kiss & etc at 31.

I have two preferences. One that it's not anonymous (Serves my ego, I guess. I know "a hero ain't nothin' but a sandwich" but silent appreciation beats confusion on the other end). And money, someone who's problem is money usually stems from other prob's, not always but IMHO. And I got screwed over this summer breaking that guideline over what I thought was just going to be someone simply needing a ride and turned out as a woman with a 'good story'.But...3 1/2 years ago, I found a cel phone in the Ellice WalMart. After figuring out how it works, I called the most likely number three times (I'm not leaving it in the WalMart lost and found; the owner wouldn't neccessarily know where he dropped it and the store may not be inclined to follow up. Ditto for the cops.) before leaving it in the car before going to a movie prior to leaving the city. Once home, I asked a couple of places, then brought it to MTS where it turns out they have a return program. I did phone the displayed number to make sure he got it or knew about it.That year, I sold my Sopranos box set, 1 to 6 1/2. I held onto the email of the buyer and when I found the remaining, the second part of the last season a year later, I passed the where and price information along to the buyer. Then erased his saved email when he wrote back surprised acknowledgement and thanks.This last trip up to the city, I stopped in Lorette. A woman was looking for a certain CD of the 80's band Split Enz for her mother's birthday May of last year. I told her it was hard to find, recommended eBay, but, time-frame in mind, offered to burn a copy of mine with a photocopy of the covers. I -wasn't- going to sell my good classic rock CD's. I recently ran across the same CD (y'find things when y'ain't lookin'), and dropped it off (she was n/a but a relative was there) last Tuesday, gratis. It's always better to have the original, the real t'ing. And, of course, as closure, I deleted our correspondence from last year.Little things like getting the door is potentially insulting if it's based on gender, but age and need (dealing with a load of parcels or kidlets) is sensible criteria.

There was the "Desiderata" in the sixties that had an arrangement like many hip hop songs with some spoken and some sung. Nice message too!! Not saying it was the first but just that "rap" is nothin new.

Much as I like that song you mentioned:"...You are a flukeOf the universe.You have no right to be here.And whether you can hear it or notThe universe is laughing behind your back..."(okay, it's the National Lampoon's version)And Hot Rod Lincoln touches some of the bases, I'm thinking it should be minimalist, voice and rhythm/beat. I thought of Grandmaster Flash's The Message but that was '82. Blondie was '79 but I'm sure...okay, I cheated and googled it. One has Rappers Delight by the Sugar hill Gang. Another refers to the Swede Evert Taube in the 20's(!) with Kinesiska Muren. Listened to it on youtube. Yeah, I'm giving it to this guy. It fits my definitions.

Being a hai-yee-thawn myself, I expected not to be 'raptured up'. But I wasn't yet experiencing the torments of the damned so, on a hunch, I went to check...we (here in Canada) STILL HAVE THE CONSERVATIVES PARTY RUNNING THE COUNTRY! Aaargh! The torment continues...make it stop...make it stop!

Also, I missed a chance, not thinking of it at work Friday, to ask one of the more 'righteous' employees, when he gets raptured, can I have his car?

And finally, thought of calling in to work asking if anyone there still needs me to come in. If the others have departed, hey, I can't run the plant by myself. Still, there's something on first blush of playing Chuck Heston's Omega Man.

Not a quote, but when I saw Take the Money and Run on the big ol' dish in the early 80's, I'm sure there was a scene I thought was great. Just robbed a bank, ran to the car, the driver cranks and cranks and it just won't start. An instant later, they're in the car, speeding along and exchanging gunfire with the cops. Dialogue. And the camera pulls back and their getaway car is being pulled by a tow truck all this time. Thing is, I looked for it on the DVD and either my memory bank is overdrawn or the scene was edited out.Anybody?

Safeway...it's pretty rare for me to go there, like twice a year. IMHO, Stuporstore has always had better prices; Safeway has 'atmosphere' but that's only been important when I leave Earth orbit. So, if it's a straight purchase, I have no problem with the self-checkout. But if I have something with the 30% or 50% off stickers (and the 'For Sale' gene figures prominently in my DNA sequence), it's often better to get a face-to-face as you'll need one and better you're not vying for attention with five others. Also if you have a DVD to deactivate- getting tasered at the entrance doors by the greeter just isn't in my plans. My biggest annoyance to lines is that the 'library' while waiting is mostly just Hollywood and 'glamour'. No longer do the stock the WWNews, with Batboy and the aliens who visit Clinton. T'was like a grown-up Mad magazine.No, but I do honestly wish there were price scanners like WalMart. Missing, moved across or torn shelf labels aren't uncommon. And two weeks ago, the shelf and scan on a bag o'frozen fries didn't match. Sometimes the difference is not worth making a fuss over; other times, well, another genetic proclivity (to wanna-be-right) takes over.

A few years ago, I ran across this birthday card. I hope it survives explaining; seeing it all at once as a card would have been the best way. Inside is a simple Happy Birthday. On the cover, a hunchback (oh yotz, this would have been an 'Igor', not a 'Quasimodo' joke, but I'll carry on anyway), depositing a brain in a jar to a shelf in a cupboard among other jars of brains. The caption was "I've been racking my brains what to get you for your birthday..."

Well, not a SO/GF one, but I had one earlier in the year in which I had one but I was careful who I told it to, as it was kinda in bad taste. This February in the winter Olympics, Georgian luger Nodar Kumaritashvili died in a sledding practice accident. The first thing that came to mind was putting the thumb/forefinger on my forehead, adopt a Jim Carrey voice, and say "Looo-hooo-jer". As my buddy Wade said, too soon, but by now it's long been irrelevant.

I've never had the opportunity to see him live, plenty of times on MTV (when it -was- a music station). Point Blank, one of my a capella driving and shower songs (too much info, no?). But my favourite Springsteen moment was the spoken intro to the live War: "Blind faith in your leaders...or in anything...will get you killed"