Singer/Songwriter/Blogger

January 13, 2015

Mark and I just finished the entire series. It was a bittersweet occasion.

We both saw various episodes on Disney channel growing up, but had never really lived through the story or appreciated the show as much as we did this time around.

Guys, did you know how amazing that show is?! They really don’t make them like that anymore.

Like, literally, after most episodes, we just sat there and basked in the morals that we were taught.

During the entire series, it is demonstrated how important and essential family life is. Cory grows up in a stable home with a loving mother and father who consistently nurture their marriage. While they have trials in their home, they work things out together, and every family member is better because of it. While on the other side of the spectrum, Shawn grows up in a broken family, and has several behavioral issues and security/trust problems. He is angry at the world and feels like he doesn’t belong, and acts out because of it.

But then, it teaches that even when we have hard circumstances, we can, and MUST overcome them. Shawn’s potential is repeatedly tested as he battles with his own inner demons, but in the end, he is strong and capable.

Now look at Cory and Topanga. They loved each other, but waited to have sexual relations until marriage. Not JUST sex, but anything besides kissing! How often do we see THAT anymore, especially on tv?! Their marriage is built on trust and respect. I love it.

During the last season when they get married, they are overwhelmed with the responsibilities and challenges of being married young. They move into a dump of an apartment, and desperately seek out help from family and friends. But no one helps them! You know why? Because it is SO IMPORTANT that married couples become their own separate unit, and WORK to make things work. They finally gave in and fixed up their place and made it a million times better, and strengthened their marriage by overcoming that trial instead of letting it tear them apart.

And I won’t even go into how amazing Mr. Feeny is. Except to say that we need more educators like him.

The whole show is just full of conservative family values, and teaches that hard work and sacrifice make life more meaningful. It teaches the value of a good education. It teaches that drinking, promiscuity, and anything illegal is wrong. And it is not prudish in the least! Just isn’t full of the sleazy filth on most shows these days.

And most importantly, it demonstrates the need for strong, complete families.

We’re pretty sad it’s over. But it was such a rewarding experience. And I just wish there was more.

Now we’re onto Friends, where we will learn… well, that we need to watch less TV.

Tonight I want to share something very personal to me. And I figure it’s okay, since the few people who do read this blog care about me enough to not judge me. Or maybe you do judge me. But whatevs.

I’ve decided on my New Years Resolution for 2015.

It’s not losing weight or eating more greens or being a better person. Well, those too, but they aren’t my number one.

This year I’m going to overcome my Emetophobia.

Emetophobia is the irrational fear of vomit.

I know, it sounds silly. I mean, no one likes throwing up. But it’s a part of life. It happens. And there’s a small, rational part of my brain that knows that.

But the other, larger portion of my brain is filled with fear and anxiety in regards to the V word.

It is something I have battled with all my life. It’s a sort of panic disorder, but instead of having panic episodes where I’m freaking out over my heart rate or whatever it is that happens to people with normal panic attacks, I start over-analyzing every feeling in my stomach, throat, chest, etc.

It’s not like, just a general fear. I’m scared of spiders, the ocean, and serial killers, but none of those things keep me up at night.

I used to lay in bed literally every night, shaking like a leaf, just terrified thinking I could be sick.

If I’m over-exhausted, it sends me into panic mode. Because of that one time that I was so exhausted I got sick.

If I get a cold sweat, it reminds me of that other time I got sick and sends me into panic mode.

If my stomach is the slightest bit upset, if I’m sitting in the mothers lounge and moms start talking about their kids puking at home, or if, heaven forbid, I realized I’ve been exposed to the dreaded norovirus, I’m in panic mode.

You will never find someone who washes their hands as thoroughly or bleaches their kitchen as much as me after dealing with raw meat. Because heaven forbid we get food poisoning.

I was homeschooled growing up, and then tried going to public school for a little bit in 4th grade. One day a girl came back to class after being out for a week, telling everyone how she was miserably sick with the stomach flu for a few days. The next day I cleaned out my desk and went back to homeschooling.

I had an eating disorder in middle school and my freshman year of high school. I basically only ate enough to get by. I figured the less I ate, the less likely I was to throw up.

And I don’t wear turtle necks anymore. You guessed it– I threw up wearing one that one time.

This irrational fear has controlled my life for far too long. I’m a mother now and need to be ready and able to handle the day that little Jake gets sick. And when he does, I cannot run into the other room, plug my ears, and sing as loud as I can to avoid it (like I did when my pregnant sister came home to visit one time).

I know that faith and fear cannot exist in the same place, so I’m choosing to purge this from my life, and allow my Savior to help me. This year, I am going to study His Atonement, and use it to help me improve my quality of life. I need this to be gone. I need to be free.

And hey, if anyone reading this struggles with anything similar, feel free to message me. I’d love to have/give support in overcoming this or other anxiety issues.