Monday, January 28, 2013

So I have had a love hate relationship with pinterest. It has made me feel inferior. Like a bad mom. Disorganized, uncreative, and basically like I suck.

I loved looking at all of the cute ideas though. And the more I pinned, the more I told myself that no one was really recreating their pins. The world was filled with lazy pinners! Like me! I have nothing to worry about!

Until...my board called BATHROOM.

Chris and I decided to renovate our 2nd floor bathroom. it's really small, and kind of looked like a bathroom from the 80's. Okay, it WAS a bathroom from the 80's and as not to offend the previous owners (my grandparents!) I have to say that for 1980 whatever it was a perfectly acceptable bathroom. But for 2013...no.

Chris and I first went to some bathroom store to see what was out there, and I was so OVERWHELMED with everything, tiles, tubs, faucets, omg I had no idea what I wanted. There was too much to choose from! I couldn't decide on anything.

I went home and went on pinterest. I rarely ever pinned anything, I didnt really know what people were actually doing with their pins... I figured it was more like an inspiration board and that it would help me decide what I liked. Sure enough-a pattern started to emerge. Black and white. Subway tile. clean and sleek. yay! I knew what I wanted. Kind of. It was still hard to imagine that my bathroom could ever look like one of these cute bathrooms I had pinned. But-I have to say, I think i did a good job!Here is the link to my Pinterest Board Bathroom

And here are some pictures of my newly renovated bathroom.I think pinterest was a HUGE help in organizing the look of what I wanted. These pics aren't great-I wish I could take a pic of the whole thing, and obviously I am still looking for the perfect quad light switch and have to hang stuff on the walls. What do you think? Did I get close to my inspiration boards?

And now I'm depressed again, because if my bathroom board came true, how many of these other fantastic boards are coming true??!!!

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

My sister Jill has a new blog. It is about her life in real time after finding out that her son Mason has autism. Or is on the autism spectrum...I'm still trying to learn all of the appropriate lingo and follow along, and keep up, and stay informed.

When we were pregnant...

When WE were pregnant.

My whole childhood and much of my adult life is WE. Very little of my life has been "I". When WE were little, when WE were in high school, when WE moved, OUR friends. We both were singers, on cheerleading team, on swim team, played soccer, had the same friends, shared clothes, walked alike, talked alike. Identical cousins. Except sisters!

When our biological father died in 1999, I was heartbroken. The last time I saw him I was 6. The last time WE saw him we were 6. We thought we would meet him one day. At his funeral my heart broke for Jill, who was so sad, and I know she felt the same for me. We were sad for each other, but not sad for ourselves because we knew exactly what the other was feeling and we just wanted to take the pain away from the other one. We have never talked about this, but I just know it. Because I knew exactly how she felt.

I know how she feels about many things and anything in our life that has caused heartache...a lost relative, a boyfriend dumping or cheating one of us...I don't know, we have experienced it all together. It's like, I've never felt alone Ever. Even during bad hair styles of the 80's, because most likely Jill had the same one (except for the great hair crisis of 1995 in which my mom accidentally cut all of my fucking hair off) But there was plenty of empathy on Jill's end and she ALWAYS told me I looked great.

So, big bangs aside, with Mason's autism diagnosis, she is just alone. It is her. Not we. I can't do anything to help her feel better at this time. I feel guilty for crying, becuase then I feel like I'm crying because something is wrong with Mason. And there is nothing wrong with him. He is perfectly Mason and all of his little funny things are now part of his personality and who the fuck am I to cry over them? I am not perfect. None of us are, none of us have the perfect life or the perfect children. I guess we all just envision things a different way. Which brings me back to where we started.

When we were pregnant, this wasn't even on our radar. We just talked about them being best friends, going to school, who's graduation would mom attend if they were on the same day?? We looked at clothes, blankets, boppies, binkys and oohed and ahhhed over each other's nursery. We helped each other with registries ( um, I mean I copied Jill's), made fun of people with birth plans because even though you think we are nice, sometimes we are assholes. But you can be an asshole with your twin, because she will never talk about you behind your back. And if she is mad at you , she'll just get all up in your face. And in one hour you will kiss and make up. Actually, you don't even "make up" You call your twin an hour after your big fight and say, 'Are you going to see the Les Miz movie next week?" and it is just forgotten because being mad at your twin is pointless. Even if you get slapped across the face by your twin after bad night with tequila.

I guess what I'm saying is that....I love Jill. And I love Mason. And I hope she knows she is not alone. And I am SO thankful for all of the support she is receiving from everyone. I can't offer any words of wisdom. I don't know what this is like.

I know what she dreamed about before Mason was born, because I dreamed these same things when I was pregnant. ( No, I am not talking about chili dogs lathered in pineapples. I am talking about giving birth to the next Olympian)

You don't dream of all of the things she is facing right now. She did everything right.

And maybe that is the point. She did everything right. And has the perfect little boy for her. He is not society's idea of perfect. This is not a challenge that any of us are up for when we get the big positive. But life is not what we put on facebook, life isn't always the journey we imagine, and even though we are struggling righ now, I truly believe that we are all going to be touched by Mason in ways that we can't even fathom. He is our little man and I know he is going to make us all so proud!