I am not the PERSON i used to be

Summary:
Bella is in the field when Laurent shows up. But before the pack showed up bella is raped and bitten by Laurent. Now Bella has to live with the knowlege of every thing that has happened.. But with the twist of living with werewolves.

Notes:
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2. memories and invites

The pain was unbearable. I remember screaming over and over, begging them to kill me but I soon realized I was alone. I wasn’t sure how many times I lost consciousnessbut I welcomed the darkness, it was the only time the pain went away. I knew the change only took three days but it felt like a life time.

But now I am lying here, tied to a shabby single bed in a small bedroom, the walls were painted with a beautiful baby blue. I could feel the changes within me. I could hear almost everything that was happening around me, I could hear Sam and Emily talking, Sam talking to who I assumed to be Jacob and the other boys in Sam’s cult.

I can smell things as well; I can smell a floral sent coming from upstairs as well as a horrible smell that I could only describe as some one who hadn’t bathed in months. But the more I think of what I have become, the more I remember how I became one of the undead…

LAURENT

Memories flashed before my eyes…

-“You don’t have a choice,” and with that he lunged at me pushing me to the floor and I began to scream.-

-He quickly undid his pants and pushed them down and off his legs, it all happened so quickly that I wasn’t even prepared when he thrust himself in me.

“NO!” I cried as he tour through my virgin entrance.-

-I was brought out of my musing as he sunk his teeth into my neck as started to drink my life force.

“AAAHHHH!” I screamed as I felt each suck of my blood causing me extreme pain.-- I heard growling then as I continued to look towards the sky I saw out of the corner of my eye 3 horse size wolfs ran past me in the same direction that Laurent had gone.

I closed my eyes as one of the wolves towered over me before running away, it was only a moment later that Jacob and Sam were towering over me like the wolfs had just done.

“Jacob.” I whispered in the silent room, wanting to curl up into a ball, but the group in the next room must have heard as they stilled and started to whisper quietly to one another

“She’s awake.”

“What are we going to do?”

“I want to see her.” I heard Jacob say in a commanding voice

“Watch your attitude Jake, but you can go see her but we all going.”

I wondered what they meant they all were coming to see me, when the bedroom door opened with a bang

I looked up, eyes wide as five large young men walked into the room all looking at me with disgust, thinking that it had to do with Laurent raping me, I tried to shield away from their disgusted glares.

“She can’t even stand to be near us, Jake just let us kill the leech and it will be all over.”

“No.” Said a voice I was familiar with

“Why not Sam, she is one of them.”

I tried to tune out their voices, I pulled upon the ropes that they had tied me to the bed with, willing them to break and to my surprise they did. Before any of the boys could react I had jumped out of the bed and into a corner of the room and huddled into a small ball trying to shield myself away from them.

“WHAT THE HELL, I TIED THOSE ROPES MYSELF!” yelled an unfamiliar voice.

“Paul, calm down at once,” Sam said in a dominant voice “I don’t think she is afraid because we may kill her, I believe she is frightened because we are men.”

“Why would she be scared because we are me- OH!” Paul said finally catching up.

“Bella, honey, are you ok?” Jacob said walking towards me slowly.

As he reached out to touch my shoulder I scrambled away to another side of the room.

“I wish she would stop doing that.” I heard someone mumbled under their breathe

“Bella, I am not going to hurt you, I would never hurt you.” Jacob said in a soothing voice but he did not try to approach me again.

“Sam, what will we do, she won’t even let me near her.” I heard Jacob say to Sam sadly

“I don’t know, but I have an idea…Embry go get Emily for me.”

“WHAT?” four voices shouted at one causing me to flinch.

“Bella needs a female to talk to; I will stay with them to make sure Bella doesn’t take any liberties that she shouldn’t’t.”

I heard them shuffle out the room but I could still tell that one of them was in the room; I quickly looked up to see Sam looking at me sadly before shielding my face with my hair.

I heard Emily walking down the hall before she even entered the room.

“Sam?” she asked confused

“Emily, Bella has been hurt by a man,” Sam said “Do you understand what I mean?”

I heard Emily gasp before answering “You mean that bastard raped her before biting her.”Sam only nodded. Not even caring that I was a vampire, Emily rushed over to me and pulled me into her arms. I pulled away quickly, not because I was scared but because of her smell. God she smelled horrible, doesn’t she ever bathe?

“Emily,” Sam growled. But at hearing Sam’s growl I flinched again trying to melt into the wall.

“Please just leave me alone.” I whispered brokenly

“Bella, I know that I properly smell the most delicious thing to come your way since McDonalds but you need to talk to someone…to me.”

I snorted softly hoping she wouldn’t’t hear me, but Sam did.

“What?”

I looked up and looked at him carefully “She doesn’t’t smell delicious.”

“WHAT?!” he shouted causing me once again to flinch.

I looked away, I just wanted to die, I couldn’t stay hear knowing that I was raped then killed. What about Charlie, what are Renee and Phil.

I heard Sam walk over to me and it took all my will power not to run away again “What do you mean she doesn’t smell delicious?”

“She smells horrible, like she hasn’t bathed in months.” I whispered

“And what do I smell like?” I thought It was an odd question but I answered anyway not wanting him to get mad and hit me… he did look very strong “You smell like roses, really nice… but if you are scared I will try to eat you, I won’t.”

Sam reeled back in shock causing me to giggle but as soon as I heard myself giggle I shuffled back into the corner trying to hide from him.

“Bella… I don’t know how to explain this to you, but it should be the other way around.”

“Huh?”

“I should smell horrible to you and Emily should smell like flowers.”

“Why?”

“Bella, I am a werewolf, so are the other but Emily is a human, she should be the appealing to your tastes.”

“Werewolves don’t exist.”

“Yeah and neither do Vampires but here we are.”

“I’ve never liked blood so it’s not that shocking that I would not be attracted to it.”

“Point taken, but Bella we are not going to hurt you.”

“How can I trust you?” I whispered before adding “I trusted Laurent and look were I am now.”

“Bella, I am sorry about what happened to you, the pack and I really tried to make it…” Sam said apologetically

“Look, it doesn’t matter anymore what’s done is done. If I remember clearly Jacob once told me a legend that stated the wolves hated the cold one. Seeing as I am one of the cold ones.—“

“Bella, you’re not cold.”

“Huh, but I am a vampire, of course I am cold.”

“Your skin does not feel any colder then it was before, you are still quite warm…and you’re not pale like the Cullen’s were.”

“Please kill me; I don’t want to live like this,” I practically flew at Sam holding him close “Please, please.” I sobbed

I froze when I saw the look of terror on Sam’s face and I realized that my head was on his neck “I’m sorry, but if it makes you feel better I didn’t have the urge to bite you.”

“How is this possible, in all our stories it says that you should be trying to get away from us, hating the smell of us and attacking all humans in range.”

“Oh,” I whispered taking a seat on the bed I was tied to, “The Cu..Cul…they had special gifts, each of them; maybe I have one as well. Maybe I don’t have the outwards signs of being a vampire, I’m just immortal.”

“Powers. You mean each of those vile… oh sorry, each person of that family had powers… what were they?”

“Well umm, Alice *wince* could see things, but her visions were not definite, if the person changed their mind the vision was useless. Jasper *wince* he could control emotions, but mainly calming people down, Emmet *wince* was extremely strong even for a vampire, Rosalie well she was extremely beautiful, Esme *wince* she was extremely kind and compassionate, Carlisle *wince* had a unique gift, he was not attracted to human blood he taught himself to tolerate the smell of it and…he has the gift of reading minds, but as usual, I turned out to be weird because he cant read mine.”

The room was quiet for some time before Emily spoke “What is going to happen now?”

“I don’t have anywhere to go, but I am not to sure if I want to be here anymore.”

“Bella!” Sam and Emily gasped

“Bella how could you say such a thing, why wouldn’t you want to be alive? Well so to speak... Anymore.” Emily asked.

“Why should I, I don’t have anywhere to go and the only other vampires I know ditched me, the love of my life who also a vampire, left me saying that he doesn’t love me. Never did and doesn’t want me anymore. Now you give me one reason to want to stay like this!” I ranted, I didn’t mean to say that much but I did and I couldn’t take it back…DAMN!

“Bella,” Sam started “I cant believe I am about to say this but Jake needs you, ever since I told him not to stay with you, well he has become depressed, and man it hurts having to listen to him wine when we are in wolf form, and don’t forget your parents they need you, from what I hear of Charlie, that man can burn water.”

I laughed softly. It was so true Charlie couldn’t cook to save his life and Jacob, I don’t know about him yet. He hurt me so much.