Laments & Observations

I don’t hate August as much as I say I do. True, it’s still hotter than seven hells and I feel like I’m in a perpetual state of waiting and there’s really no point in trying to do anything with my Jew-fro except put it in a clip or a ponytail and even then the ponytail fluffs out alarmingly an hour later, but still. Now that we’ve reached the middle of the month, little hints of Fall have started to trickle in; back-to-school sales, classes starting back up at the college this week, the Fall issue of Seventeen and Vogue appear. And I realized something important this year – for someone who enjoys the anticipation as much if not more than the actual event itself, it’s nice to try to enjoy the moment instead of pining away miserably for a season that’s still over a month away. But seriously, the weather can still kiss my sweaty ass.

My week in Florida went by in a blur, like always. I spent most of my time with Grace and Elizabeth which was great, got to spend a fun-filled night down in Tampa with my old co-worker friends and spent an extremely large portion of my time either in or on water. I’m not sure if it’s the Aquarian in me or what, but put me in a boat on a body of water and I am instantly serene. Which is weird since I’m not fond of the beach or spending long periods of time in direct sunlight. And it’s weird to be there for short periods of time where I get glimpses into people’s lives that I used to be a part of daily. It reinforces the feeling I know I’m living where I want to live, but with a constant yearn to be with the people I love. Elizabeth is now a sophmore in high school. My old office has a new wood floor. My family is still as crazy as ever. Time marches on.

The economy is affecting work in a big way right now. Where in years’ past our trainings would be already starting in the next week or two, we’re now under a “brown-out” (who came up with the term that makes me think of New York City during WWII I don’t know) and all but “essential” training have been postponed until after September 15th, and I learned Friday it could extend even longer. This makes for a lot of free but stressful time, talking in whispers behind closed doors and guessing as to what the extent of all this will mean. Our side business is still fairly steady, with most of the work right now being yard maintenance but that’s fine with me – that just means I’m responsible for nothing but the invoicing and bookkeeping part. Anything that keeps me inside is peachykeen, Josephine.

Except for taking walks, which I’m still doing. I took one while in Florida and quickly became very grateful for my own neighborhood. Down there exercise is only enjoyable if you’re doing it while submersed in water. Again, I’m glad I live here.

Other than that, things are good (a week away also reminds me how much I like hanging out with my husband and dog) with some minor room for improvements in some areas. Like always.

The Florida trip was good but I’m just now feeling like I’m getting back into the swing.

A big reason I went was so we could sit down face to face with Mother and go over some things that should’ve been dealt with a long time ago. She’s sixty-five and not in the best of health (although for someone who consumes large quantities of alcohol on a daily basis and has a chloresterol count somewhere in the neighborhood of “solid,” she’s holding up surprisingly well) and we needed to talk about things like medical, financial and what-if scenarios. When my dad died it was so sudden, we were shocked and lost and luckily family stepped in to help out, but it makes me feel better to be a little more prepared for when the time comes for her. Which, no matter what I’ve said about her, I obviously don’t want that to happen for awhile, but still. It was an emotional conversation, but it had to be done and we all felt relieved afterwards.

As far as what we did, well, there’s not much to report. I learned an important lesson, though. A household that contains a three-year-old has a schedule which is wholly dictated by the little person, and can change on a whim, depending on the mood of the child. File that under B for Big ol’ Duh, I know. Was I aware of this prior to being part of it? Yes. But like all things, it’s hard to actually imagine until you’re the one experiencing it and the last time I was up close and personal with a girl, aged three was Elizabeth and now she’s about to turn fifteen. It’s been awhile, is what I’m saying.

She wasn’t feeling her best and after a quick doctor’s visit Thursday it was determined she had the leftovers of some prior sickies. We quickly decided a sick kid does not a fun Disney trip make and cancelled that plan. So we mostly hung out around Sister’s house, which definitely has its perks: pool, large TV’s in multiple rooms and plenty of reading material, of both the hand-held and laptop varieties. We left the house to get groceries and took a quick trip to some stores while the little one was napping one day. This just in: raising a kid is not easy. My sister works a full-time job with flexible hours, but it’s a job that the more she works the more money she makes so if she’s not working, she has a vague nagging feeling she should be. To be honest, and don’t take this the wrong way if you’re reading this Sister – I’ve never seen her more frazzled. I kept putting myself in her position and I’m sure I’d be the same way. She’s a great mom, wife and active member of society and I think it’s making her damn exhausted.

Do I still want a child? Of course! I’ve just come to the conclusion I sleep waaaay more than what would is allowable should that ever happen. So there’s that.

One great thing happened (well two, if you count the fact we developed an old roll of film we thought and hoped was from a Kid Rock concert we attended over five years ago where we were five feet from the stage and we were right and the pictures came out clear as day and there was Kid smiling at us in pictures – woo!) (and I do count that). My good friend Shari, someone I haven’t seen in eight years, came over and hung out with us for an afternoon/evening of swimming, wine, pasta, catching up and reminiscing. The three of us used to hang out a lot in this fashion many moons ago in our 20’s and life was less complicated and we formed a strong bond that was just completely reaffirmed the other day. There’s something about being around someone you’ve known and who has known you for almost twenty years, that just feels a little…magical. Or that just might be Shari, because she’s one of those people who makes you feel like that. Either way it was spectacular.

So yeah, the trip. Fairly uneventful yet fairly awesome all at the same time.

Oy.
As a somewhat experienced traveler (yes, most all of my traveling in the last twenty years has been limited to going up and down the eastern seaboard but it still counts), you’d think by now I would know to take some time off of work prior to the time I’m taking off of work. But no. While I have marked a lot of things off of my to-do list, I still have an upsetting amount of things left on it. I woke up this morning and kind of laughed at my idiocy. Then I got really stressed. Then I decided to only work half a day and calmed down again.

Here’s a secret though: if you’re getting ready for a trip and you’re all worried about work things and house things and all the little details that go along with disrupting your daily routines, it doesn’t matter. Because as soon as you take off on that plane, train or automobile and take a look around at the new and exciting sites and sounds, all that crap disappears. It’s true; it happens to me every time. Though I’m not fond of flying, I LOVE airports. I’m sure I’ve talked about this before, but I’m getting old, so sorry. I love being alone in an airport, buying overpriced coffee and my usual treat of a new magazine. I love knowing after only a 90-minute flight I’ll be stepping off the plane five hundred miles away and seeing my sister and niece’s faces.

So, yeah. Things have been cuckoo for a few days and the rest of today is going to be somewhat challenging (long story short but for logistical reasons, I’m having to spend the night at the inlaws’ tonight because they’re taking me to the Charlotte airport bright and early tomorrow morning) BUT in twenty-four hours from now I’ll be boarding my flight. And for the next five-ish days, I’ll be with some of my favorite people.

This post was entirely unnecessary, but I feel a little better. In short: busy, stressy, excitement, fun.

As the minutes tick tock toward the new year, we’re looking forward to a quiet evening tonight. It is exactly what I prefer for this particular holiday, especially since we’re heading home tomorrow and that drive dictates you be in top form or suffer the consequences. It’s been a great vacation, one I knew would go by way too quick, one where I wouldn’t get to spend as much time or even see everyone I wanted and one that is already starting to blur together in my head. No complaints though; it’s been a blast.

Most people I know are saying they are damn glad 2009 is over. Between the economy, losing a freakish amount of celebrities, political embarrassments and disappointments and personal crap, it has been a mighty challenging year for a lot of us. I don’t like wishing time away, but I am pretty stoked we’re about to start nice fresh clean calendars tomorrow.

Of course my personal quest to become a parent was what took up the majority of the first 3/4’s of it and I dealt with a lot of big disappointment because of it. But Brian and I were talking the other day (many consecutive hours together in a vehicle makes that easy) and he said one of the things he’s always admired about me is that instead of just bitching about a problem or giving up, I usually find a solution for it. Sometimes it may take me awhile, but if it’s important enough, I do it. That was one of the best compliments I’ve ever received from him or anyone else. And he’s right; if I want this as badly as I know I still do, I will find a way. Without reenacting a live version of Raising Arizona, I will find a way.

So, I’m not one of those resolution people, but I will say this. I do have some GOALS for this coming year. A few small ones and a couple of doozies. It’s intimidating, but without a challenge what is all this for, anyway? My worst fear is becoming complacent and stagnant, an object at rest. It’s up to no one else but me to make sure that never happens. I’m up for it.

Why yes, I am sitting here procrastinating like crazy when I should be putting the last-minute touches on the frenized Packing for Vacation Extravaganza. Why is it I can only find unmatched socks and ugly underwear whenever this happens, why? Regardless, I’m going with whatever I washed and dried yesterday and hoping Florida’s schizophrenic climate will work with me. It looks like high’s will only be in the high 60’s/low 70’s this week, so that’s way more acceptable than when I was down there in October and temps were still reaching well into the 90’s.

We have a 7 to 8 hour drive ahead of us, depending on traffic and how many times Brian lets me and the dog get out to pee. Which doesn’t excite me, as both of us seem to have picked up a nasty cold situation in the last two days – of course we have. Did we really think Fate would allow us something as simple as a problem-free vacation? Oh, it is to laugh. But that’s okay. At the end of today’s journey we will land at my best friend’s house, one of my most favorite places to be on earth, and it’s there we’ll spend most of this next week.

Mother passive-aggressively assured me she understands it’s “so much easier” for us to stay at Grace’s and that she’ll just be happy to see us drop in every so often. Well, thank you, Mom, for understanding that each time I enter your residence, a little bit of my soul seeps out, never to return. Sister gets credit for that one. Because it’s so true.

We’ll be doing some inter-traveling with a couple of day trips planned spanning the greater Central Florida area of Tampa and Orlando as well, to try to fit in seeing as many people as possible. Always a challenge. Always worth it. It means a lot of time spent in the vehicle, but luckily the vehicle has new tires and (*crosses all fingers and toes*) is running better than it has in years, thanks to some pricey mechanical fixes.

All in all, though I can’t really breathe and everything on my body including my skin and eyeballs hurt, I’m really excited for this trip. It’s been over two years since we took a real vacation together and I’m thrilled to be going down there without having to miss my man and my dog while I’m there.

I’ll be checking in sporadically, but I hope everybody is having lovely holidays.

There were only a couple of things that prevented this trip from being 100% perfection. One, the Florida weather. It’s always a little warmer down there than it is here, but it really showed itself up this time by not getting the memo it was the END OF OCTOBER and not the BEGINNING OF AUGUST. Seriously, it reinforced the fact I am very happy I live someplace that has actual seasons instead of just Hot and Not as Hot. The other thing was Brian deciding to have his weeks-long cough turn into bronchitus-almost-pneumonia and texting me from the doctor’s office that they had him on a breathing machine since his blood wasn’t getting enough oxygen. That was a stressful half hour and I had to forcibly stop myself from getting in the car and driving back twelve hours after I’d arrived. But, he’s doing much better now after a few days of antibiotics and codeine-laced cough syrup (dude canNOT handle his narcotics, btw) and after that scare I went on to have a kickass vacation.

Highlights:

– Even though I hate Summer weather in late Fall, I must admit it was nice to be able to go riding around on Bob’s boat to watch the late afternoon big orange sun slowly drop down through the pink and purple sky over the lake while listening to beachy boat songs. It was one of those moments when life has the perfect soundtrack running and it hasn’t happened to me in awhile.

– Elizabeth had too many social obligations (being a high school cheerleader is a lot more demanding than one would think and I’m not being sarcastic since I now believe she has some real anxiety issues going on) but her cousin Becky, my other daughter-from-another-mother decided to join me for the weekend in Disney. She’s 17 and the fact she still deems me cool enough to hang out with means a lot to me. We stopped at Walmart to get her a costume and we lucked out. For twenty bucks she got to be a guitar for Halloween – I can’t adequately describe how cute she looked.

– To you non-Floridians Disney really isn’t in Orlando, it’s just easier to say that. It’s actually in Kissimmee or if you want to get even more technical, it’s its own little city (a.k.a. Lake Buena Vista) and if the company takes over any more property it will become obvious in its goal to take over the entire state. All this to say, I took the wrong way getting off the turnpike and we almost ended up in Daytona Beach, reinforcing Kim’s Law: If there is a choice between two ways to go, Kim will choose wrong Every Time. Always, no exceptions.

– I’m not sure if Disney pumps Prozac through the air along with the upbeat-but-subtle music, but it truly does live up to its nickname of the happiest place on Earth and that feeling has never changed for me despite having been there close to a hundred times. They might be evil corporate monsters plotting to take over the world, but I’m fine with that.

– Fort Wilderness is the campground there where we stay every time we go and has so much fun stuff to do, I don’t ever feel cheated when I don’t go into one of the parks, which was the case this trip.

– We did manage a short trip over to Downtown Disney however, an annual tradition where I immediately fall under the souvenier spell and feel an intense urge to buy myself and others many Disney-themed gifts. It’s a sickness, I tell you. I haven’t gotten to the point where my aunt is, where most of her casual wardrobe is now made up of Disney character clothing, jewelry and accessories, but I’m sure that’s coming eventually. Prozac air, I’m telling you.

– Cousin Scott and his family didn’t make it down from NY this year which was a bummer, but his younger brother cousin Matt is always a good stand-in and like always I had good fun hanging out with him. We spent the majority of the weekend riding around on tricked-out golf carts (if you’ve never been in a camoflauge colored golf cart that’s jacked up on ridiculous sized wheels and goes 24 mph you haven’t lived) and even when he accidentally crashed the cart into the back of a Disney bus due to looking sideways while driving forward (a serious but common affliction in my family), it only served to send Becky and I into hysterics and will forever be referenced in our collective Remember Whens.

– My niece might just be the cutest, most well-behaved 2-year-old on earth. Yes, obviously I’m biased, but Becky said the same thing. And yes, she’s biased too but that doesn’t mean it’s not true. I love her so much I almost can’t stand it. She was Belle from Beauty and the Beast for Halloween and she has unknowingly but single-handedly made me re-commit to uploading my pictures to Flickr. Not today but before the end of the week for reals.

– The kids loaded UP on candy. My cousin Lori summed it up perfectly when she said, “It’s trick-or-treating in the nicest, cleanest, safest neighborhood in the world.” Plus, again – golf carts. Where were they when we used to trick-or-treat, huh? I spent most of my time jumping on and off the back of the cart to take pictures of all the decorated camp sites and offer Becky moral support while she got loaded down with sweets. After inspecting all the kids’ hauls, I was amazed to see there was not a no-name brand in the whole bunch, but Nestles, Hersheys and Wonkas all the way. Nice.

– Sister booked us into one of the Disney resort hotels – All Star Sports/Movies/Music – something like that, but our building was the 101 Dalmations one and it was so freaking cool. Besides the fact it was about ten minutes from the campsite and the first night we headed over there Sister got lost and it took us an hour and a half (the unhelpful hotel front desk person when we called for directions: “Have a magical evening!”), it worked out really well for us convenience-wise and respite-from-family-wise. I love my family but even moreso when I don’t have to sleep in the same space as them. Their loudness transcends sleep and it’s just no good for my sanity levels.

– Awesome fireworks show set to a Halloween story and music on the shores of the Disney lake. Could’ve done without the flying insect I accidentally inhaled and swallowed, but walking barefoot through the sand at night and seeing a chillbump-inducing light show was totally worth it.

– Even with the whole Daylight Savings ending (I highly recommend planning a vacation that ends on this beautiful extra hour day) I ended up tacking an extra 20 hours or so onto the end of my vacation and didn’t leave to come home until yesterday morning at 10:00. This put me back home exactly eight hours later (would’ve been 7 1/2 but my car automatically veered off the exit where the Gap outlet store in Georgia and I was forced to spend a half hour in there to pick up a couple of tees and sweaters that sated my constant Gap jones). I probably should’ve figured on just taking yesterday off from the get-go, but it’s actually more fun when it’s a last-minute decision, like that one extra night feels like a gift. And we made the most of it back at Grace’s house, what with Elizabeth’s hair dyeing adventure, baking brownies, taking another couple of trips around town to various stores and ending the evening with me finally watching Twilight for the first time. Verdict: Uh…didn’t hate it as much as I thought I would? That’s about all I can say about that.

– Me and the girls also stopped by the cemetery and visited my dad and Elizabeth’s grandparents, all of whom are coincidentally located very close to each other. It was just getting dark and it was really peaceful. At the same time, we all kissed our hands and touched my dad’s stone, one of those moments. And did the same to her grandparents and I was sorry I hadn’t thought to buy flowers first but didn’t realize I’d be stopping there until I did. So it happened that I visited my dad, but skipped seeing my mom again. Oops.

– As much fun as it all was, it was also so good to get back to the man, dog, seasonably correct weather and a fire in the fireplace that was happily crackling for me when I walked in the door. I doubt I’ll ever be able to come to terms with loving living here but missing the hell out of my favorite people in the world who are all 400-ish miles away. I guess as long as we all keep making the visits happen, it’ll all work out.

I’ve been annoying the shit out of myself, trying to find the time and patience to put together a picture post of last weekend’s camping extravaganza and now here it is already a week later. Time flies when you spend your spare time trying to catch up on sleep. Then I figured it’s stupid to wait on the pictures when no one is really that into them anyway and if they are there’s always Flickr. Not that I’ve gotten them up there yet either, but get off my ass, okay? I tend to forget other people aren’t quite as fascinated with Fall foliage as I am, because (A) they live where the leaves also turn, or (B) they just don’t give a crap. For me though, yes. As soon as we got to the top of that one hill on I-26 West where you can see the first of the Blue Ridge Parkway, my cold black little heart started beating a little faster and I immediately knew whatever happened over the course of the next two days, it would all be worth making this trip. Mountains do it for me.

And it’s a good thing I had that attitude, because there were a couple of challenges that were somewhat difficult to deal with. I knew it was going to be cold. I didn’t know by Saturday evening it would be so cold I’d literally be wearing EVERYTHING I PACKED. Oh yeah. At one point I started doing jumping jacks, simply because I couldn’t figure out any other way to get warm. That works, by the way. What I was mostly concerned with was sleeping, because God knows, do not get in the way of my precious sleep. And actually that worked out okay the first night – the $2 Coleman handwarmers were very effective shoved in various parts of our under-most layer of clothing – next time I’ll just know to buy more than four of them so I’ll be able to duct tape them all over myself.

No, the main problem came from the fact that at various times throughout the weekend it would get cloudy and drizzly and once I get that cold damp feeling, I find it mostly impossible to function normally. Then I made the biggest mistake ever by climbing in the van “just for a few minutes” with Joan to get warmed up. I did not climb back out of the van until the following morning, not really worring too much about my husband’s possible death-by-frostbite alone in the tent. I did check on him first thing to make sure he was breathing – I’m not that mean.

But Joan. Poor little Joan. She was already starting not to feel that great on the drive up there. By the next morning she was officially and very obviously sick. I felt horrible for her, but she remained a trooper the entire weekend – way more of a champ than I would’ve been. Turns out she now has bronchitis coupled with the flu, so yeah. I feel extremely lucky I came away from it with a stuffy nose and some congestion. She and I agreed next year should we choose to do it again (which I wouldn’t mind doing at all, it was that much fun), we will be staying in a cabin. When I told my cousin Scott about it he said, “Yeah, no kidding, Kim. I was going to warn you Jews don’t camp in tents.”

But, all in all – so much fun. The food tasted awesome like it always does in the outdoors. The food we brought, plus the best cappucino, spinach & mushroom pizza and homemade lemonade ever. The music was awesome, even with standing in the rain to hear some Cowboy Junkies. There was a tent that had nothing but Celtic music all weekend long and we couldn’t walk past it without stopping to listen. Even though our anniversary was supposed to have an aluminum or tin gift, Brian got me an awesome necklace made from recycled glass. We laughed a lot together and I realized like I always do we have a lot of fun whenever we’re someplace different, exploring and away from the daily grind. I mean, who doesn’t – but still. We don’t have a lot of opportunity to do that and I’m thankful we managed to do it for this.

The trip home was cool too – Brian napped, Joan worked on trying to remain amongst the living and Delorme and I had a great conversation in which pretty much every sentence began with, “Remember that time when…” which are always fun to have when you’ve known the other person practically twenty years. Not fun for the people who weren’t there, but luckily they’re both pretty patient about listening to old stories.

And now I’m getting ready to get ready to leave for Florida next week. Two trips in two weeks isn’t my idea of sane planning, but that’s the way it worked out this time and I’m not bitching. A little tired, but not bitching.

My favorite month of the year is almost upon us and I’m still a little phlegmy (least favorite word in the English language, but apt description) but mostly giddy it’s finally here. I have some stuff I’m really excited about coming up this month, mine and Heather’s favorite holiday notwithstanding.

1. Celebrating Ten Years of Wedded Bliss – how is that even possible? Yes, there was that unfortunate nine month period when we were ON A BREAK, but other than that, ten years of non-stop togetherness and not a homicide to be found. It’s really amazing to me. And you might think it’s a coincidence that my anniversary falls during my favorite month of the year, but it is not – I planned it this way for a reason. Not only did I want my outdoor wedding to be decorated with nature’s show of Carolina Blue sky and red, yellow and orange gently falling leaves, but to be able to celebrate it every year during this time as well. See, that’s me – always thinkin’. Except for the fact on October 9, 1999, all the leaves were still green and on the trees and it was overcast all day. Best ever. Not to mention I happened to pick the busiest, most stressful month out of Brian’s college career to take a week off to come up here from Florida and get married. I didn’t plan it that way on purpose, but of course that’s the way it worked out. He likes to remind me of that every now and then and I’m not sure why. Did it work out in the long run? Yes it did, so shut it. And happy anniversary. I didn’t plan to get married on John Lennon’s birthday either, but that also worked out just fine. Sharon Osbourne’s too. Random.

2. The LEAFestival – is counting as our anniversary trip, even though it falls a week after the actual anniversary. I’m ridiculously excited to be going camping in the NC mountains. I’m NOT ridiculously excited that Delorme is already giving me rules to follow. Today he called to let me know there would be two more couples joining our group (cool) so that I need to adjust the amount of chili I’m making to accommodate four more people (still cool) (everyone takes turns making a meal for the group), and to make sure to provide cheddar cheese and oyster crackers to go with it because they’re so much better than Saltines (Not cool). Okay, first of all – duh, of course I’ll be having the cheese to go with the chili; he used to live with me, so he should know that. Second of all, and I told him this, I usually make cornbread to go with it as well, not that he remembered that either. Third of all – I’m going to punch him in his mouth if he thinks he’s going to order me around all weekend. While on the phone he also told me I have to buy long johns right away. I politely let him know I already own them, but thanks for the tip. Oh hell no. Aw HALE NAW. I can already tell I’ll be hanging with Joan or Brian or some hippies I just met much more than I will him if this is how he’s going to be. Let’s hope it isn’t. But it’s good to have a contingency plan just in case. Stranger hippies – excellent.

Family Trip to Disney – I found out the other day my cousin from NY and his family won’t be able to make it this year and that makes me very sad. But Halloween in Disney, especially in the camp ground Fort Wilderness is so much fun, it’s still going to be a great time and I can’t to see the rest of my family again. This time Brian will be there, so even better. We haven’t decided where exactly we’ll be sleeping yet for that trip, but it’s possible we’ll use our tent again and if so, damn twice in one month after not using it for a couple of years. Exciting. We need a new air mattress, which I might be buying today if I feel like dealing with K-fart or the Deathstar after work today. George offered up this nasty old thin, ripped piece of foam to use to sleep on and we politely declined. I mean…come on, George. Thank you anyway, but just for practicality’s sake – it’s going to be in the 40’s and possibly even 30’s up there at night; the farther off the ground I can manage to sleep, the better. Even though I WILL BE WEARING LONG JOHNS, DELORME, DON’T WORRY!!!

I feel like I should be wearing all black and listening to Fall Out Boy while writing this post. Thanks to the movies, we now know it’s possible to be a 40-year-old virgin, but what about a 40-year-old Emo?

There are more times than I care to admit where I know certain situations would be far less problematic if my dad was still alive. It’s absolutely futile to think that way, but it’s true. He was not only the greatest dad who ever lived, but also the loving glue that held both sides of my family together. Even though my inlaws are about as different from my parents as they could be, he had the charm and personality to make any social situation with them not so awkward and even enjoyable.

I decided not to see my mom while I was in Florida. I’d wrestled with it so much beforehand and even after arriving down there I was still completely undecided. Then I spent two days with family and even though it was a lot of fun, I was ready for some time with some of my chosen family, Grace & Elizabeth. Yes, I spent three nights about five miles away from my mom’s house and even passed right by it a couple of times. This sucks to admit and also that NEVER would’ve happened when my dad was here.

So now comes the aftermathy consequences and the best part is I have absolutely no one to blame and/or deal with it but myself. Wicked awesome.

I was talking to my cousin last night (who is dealing with major issues right now as well, issues that have me worried and talking with her on a daily basis) and she told me something very upsetting. Her dad, my uncle, asked her if I’d been to see my mom while I was down and she told him no. He started in with the “I can’t believe she did that, blah blah, etc. blah.” Lori cut him off right then and completely supported me, telling him he had no right to judge my actions (if you read this, thank you again LJ) and it effectively shut him up. But then he told her he spoke to one of my OTHER uncles who just so happens to be my MOM’S BROTHER and TOLD HIM I’D BEEN TO SEE THEM BUT NOT MY MOM.

Sorry for all the caps but AFTER THIS I MAY NEVER WRITE IN LOWERCASE AGAIN.

Was it not bad enough I met someone for the first time at a small cook-out who when finding out who I was immediately said to me, “I know your mom – Louisa, right?! I see her at the golf course all the time!” Because there is no town on Earth smaller and more incestuous than where I’m from. No, that wasn’t enough – perish the thought! It had to be someone in my own family who’d betray my trust like that and stick his nose in where it totally didn’t belong. After I drove 480 miles to see him while he was in the hospital.

But, whatever. What’s done is done and now I just have to figure out how I’m going to deal with it. I have a few ideas already:

1. Be completely honest about it. Which could get a little bit awk, since that would mean saying to my mom, “Mom? Yeah, I did go down there for a few days. I really feel bad about not seeing you while I was there, but I seriously didn’t think I could handle you right now. Still love ya lots though!”

2. Lie my ass off.

3. Accuse my uncle of lying his ass off, something he is actually famous throughout our entire family for doing.

4. Take my customary non-confrontational, chickenshit route and ignore it until I feel it’s safe to start communicating again, which would probably be months from now. You know, the Tori/Candy Spelling route.

I have no idea what to do. All I know is when I went to lunch with my sister-in-law yesterday and she was telling me all the unnecessary and annoying shit her dad was putting her through with regard to her upcoming wedding (it is GEORGE we’re talking about after all so no big shocker there), all I could think about was my dad and my wedding and how I rented Father of the Bride to watch with him a few weeks before it and he cried and how thankful I now am for the pictures of him walking me down the aisle and dancing and giving Brian’s dad a golf lesson in the middle of the reception and how even though I never took his greatness for granted I still, STILL feel sorry for myself and cheated because he was taken too soon.

This is one of those times I’d usually do a picture post, where I’d post eight or ten pictures with pithy, witty captions explaining the highlights of my vacation. Which I’d really love to do but can’t since I somehow FORGOT MY FUCKING CAMERA. And before you ask, yes it was on my list and no I didn’t check the list one last time before I left. I am so awesome sometimes. While other people of course had their cameras and pictures were taken, I’m now at the mercy of them sending them to me, which sucks.

Besides that, I had an amazing time. I spent A LOT of time on the road, which normally I wouldn’t mind, but poor old Bessie ain’t what she used to be, which was never much to begin with, and I think her days of long distance traveling might soon be over unless she has some major work done. As it was, 150 miles into my trip the first day the serpentine belt broke and I spent an hour and a half at a gas station in Richmond Hill, Georgia waiting while a very nice mechanic named Chris went and picked up a new belt for me, started to install it, realized the auto parts store had given him the wrong size, went BACK to the store to get the correct size and successfully put in that one all for forty bucks but I actually gave him sixty because I was so thankful to be rescued so quickly. Reason number 548 why I no longer drive alone at night. In daylight, that was just a small inconvenient delay in my trip; in darkness I would’ve been crying like a little bitch the whole time.

My trip was like a three-act play. Act One was Tampa and my family. With my uncle laid up in the hospital it was a little bit of a dramatic and emotional time but I got to spend a couple of days with all of my favorite cousins and that’s always a complete treat for me. Act Two was eighty miles north in my hometown, spending time with my best friend and would-be daughter. In a very short amount of time we were able to fit in boating (I rode on a big scary tube for the first time), two shopping trips, Harry Potter and a lot of eating. Then I drove for what seemed like days up to Columbus, Georgia, which is actually very close to the Alabama state line, and spent a couple of days with my brother-in-law, Sister and Mini-Sister who now calls me Aunt Sistee. That little girl might possibly be the most lovable kid on earth.

It was a fun trip. I missed my boys a lot though and we were both so excited about me coming home, we talked on the phone eight times my last day away. It was very good to see them again after what seemed like a month. I’d like to say it’s that exciting to be back at work, but I don’t like to lie.

I know one thing – I’m not ever waiting that long to see the people I love anymore. That was stupid.