Now I am agnostic. I do not know if there is a heaven or not. But if there is, then what is it like? Is it an eternal blissful life that has no misery and no suffering? If so, then that is the life worth living to me and I will stick around in this life and bear through any suffering and misery in this life so that I can get that life since that is the ultimate life worth living to me.

That is my only reason for sticking around in this life. If I was not an agnostic and thought that there was no afterlife, then I would just give up on this life immediately and take myself out of it right here and now. Even though I am kind towards my family, the fact that they would grieve over my suicide will not change anything.

There is no way I am living a life of unhappiness and misery and I would have to take myself out of such a life. Me having a blissful life that has as little suffering and misery as possible is the only life worth living to me.

I came here to be happy and have no misery in my life since that is the only experience that makes my life worth living. Everything else and all other experiences are completely empty and devoid to me. So I do hope that me choosing to stay in this life anyway will pay off later and that I will get the ultimate eternal blissful life.

Is it just possible that your "higher self" chose or accepted out of love a mission or assignment to be here for the sake of others ? (Maybe kind of like what happens when a person volunteers to go to war or battle for a purpose to defend, help or minister to others.)

"When suffering comes, we yearn for some sign from God, forgetting we have just had one".
- Mignon McLaughlin
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"All the suffering, stress, and addiction comes from not realizing you already are what you are looking for.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn

Rey wrote:Is it just possible that your "higher self" chose or accepted out of love a mission or assignment to be here for the sake of others ? (Maybe kind of like what happens when a person volunteers to go to war or battle for a purpose to defend, help or minister to others.)

"When suffering comes, we yearn for some sign from God, forgetting we have just had one".
- Mignon McLaughlin
====================================================
"All the suffering, stress, and addiction comes from not realizing you already are what you are looking for.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn

That is complete nonsense. I would of never chosen such a miserable life.