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So This is What Irish Coffee is For!

This morning was more stressful than most. We noticed last night that the house was cold. Nothing unlivable, just a cool 63 degrees. A few pairs of fleece jammies for the kids and extra blankets for us and we all went to sleep just fine. This morning – 53 degrees. I don’t know why, but 53 degrees in a house feels so much colder than 53 degrees outside.

We were frozen and couldn’t be in the house. No problem. Good mommy takes this as an opportunity for a special morning out! We go out for breakfast. The kids are starving by the time we get to the restaurant and I let L pick out a muffin from the display case. He comes back to the table followed by the waitress carrying a cheese danish. OK, so the kids can have a cheese danish. What a fun mommy I am! I feel like I’m winning the morning. We follow-up with some hot food and hot coffee (just for me) and we’re on our way.

Driving down the road where the speed limit is 40, so it’s safe to assume I was moving at 45, a bunch of bad things happened at once. First, I noticed that the cars behind me and in the oncoming lane started honking, and the drivers all slowed down and waved their arms around. At the very same time L started screaming. The car filled with a strange, loud whooshing sound. And it got cold. I glance in my rearview at crying, panic-stricken L and I see that his door is open. All the way open. Wide friggin’ open!

A note to Subaru manufacturers: you know that little white switch you’ve placed on the inside edge of the door, right at child-height, which turns the childproof locks on/off? Well, guess what? Children can play with it. And, apparently, they do. Maybe consider a different location?

A note to moms: when your kid does something that scares the living crap out of you, just let your natural emotions about it show. Doing so will scare the crap right back out of the kid, who will swear to you he will never ever ever do it again if you just calm down and promise you still love him.

Back home intact and in time for the heating guys to show up. 2 hours later the heat is back on and as I type this it is a balmy 57 degrees in here and rising. Soon I’ll take my coat off and be able to feel my fingers. In the meantime, this is what S has been wearing inside the house:

Despite how horribly unflattering this would be on me, I wish I had a fleece jumpsuit like this.

Under this all fleece number, she has on fleece pants, a long sleeve t-shirt, and a sweater.

Despite more temptation than usual, I have not started drinking.

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I did that to my dad when I was little (I am now 29.) My neice did it to me when she was about 5 and we were going 55 down the highway! I freaked out and I am pretty sure that my red face and frantic screaming is what made her cry and not the open door threatening to suck her onto the highway.

The rule in this house (passed on by another ‘keeping it real’ Mommy friend) is this: as long as no one has to drive, libations can be consumed after Noon. (As in 12:00pm). And, as I think you’re on east-coast time like me, that means NOW!

I got such a laugh out of your car door story! It sounds like something that would happen to me. I’m a new reader who just stumbled onto your blog, and I love it. I love your writing style, and I really appreciate how you just put it out there with your descriptions of motherhood. I’m a mom of two- 3 and 2 years old- and your posts always ring very true and genuine to me. Just wanted to say thanks!

Yikes. Drink up. My 5 yr old ran out into the street last week at his school. There was a car coming and I lost my mind! He has never pulled such a stunt before. When I tell you that I am surprised the car windows didn’t shatter from the screaming fit I had on the way home…I am not kidding. Kids have no idea how hard it is to keep them safe!!!

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I've learned that motherhood is a series of shocks and disappointments, disgusting things under my fingernails, horrifying smells and constant irritation. There’s all the joy too, but that’s the stuff you’ve already heard about. Here’s the stuff that you might not hear about.