I’m not smart enough to make a clever comment about the irony (is it?) of them being greeted by topless locals as they’re involved in their own topless drama back in Europe but here they are, the Cambridges, touring the Solomon Islands, looking unbothered by the fact that several other magazines are about to publish more shots of them on holiday a couple of weeks ago when Kate was sunbathing in bare breasts.

There have been legal manoeuvrings back and forth. And, because it happened in France, Diana’s memory has been invoked and emotions are high and Prince William is in a rage and the Palace is threatening this and the press is threatening back that and it’s overreaction across the board -- will everyone please chill?

Yes the paps were dicks. Yes the French magazine editor seems like a c-nt. But at the same time, I dunno, I feel like the more the Cambridges care (or show that they care) the more everyone else cares too. At some point don’t you just shrug it off and move on? They are husband and wife. They are clearly very close and, um, in very good shape. It’s an ordinary thing in Europe. It’s maybe a little bit embarrassing to have your picture taken but to take it to a crisis level of management is only adding value to these (low quality) images.

Perhaps they’ve realised this themselves. Because they look glorious in all the shots of them on the Solomon Islands. And if that’s the case, it’s the smarter move. I mean as royals, really, topless photos or not, there isn’t much to complain about when that’s your life, you know? Especially as they’re visiting people around the world who legitimately struggle just to eat, just to raise their children, people for whom an education is considered a luxury. It would seem that the Cambridges have remembered to have some perspective. Good. It’s so much more appealing than having to watch two spoiled sucks walking around feeling sorry for themselves.

Anyway, Will and Kate spent part of the trip visiting World Vision programmes and met Cain Whitney who runs a piggery farm where they were asked to name a couple of piglets. The Prince suggested “Will and Kate” and I bring this up now because a few weeks ago, a woman yelled at me over email for insisting on calling him “Will” when his actual nickname is supposedly “Wills”.

First of all, can you imagine a 30 year old dude walking around introducing himself as “Wills”? Gross. Second, Wills originated with the tabloids. And third, last year in advance of the royal wedding, I was in the UK several times to pre-tape interviews with former classmates etc. At St Andrews they called him “William” officially and “Will” casually.