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Dating After 60: Real World Dating Advice for Older Women

Bette Davis once said that getting old is not for sissies. Well, many women would argue that the same comment applies to dating after 60. Not only are there statistically fewer men, but the dynamic of human engagement, and style of personal connection, has changed dramatically since we were dating in our 20’s. Also, a lifetime of love and loss has made many women distrustful and unwilling to get back into the dating game.

Dating coaches take a more positive stance on dating after 60. They explain that a change in mindset is essential for women over 60 who want to find romance. In my recent interview with dating coach, David Wygant, he suggested that men are often the ones who lack confidence and suffer from fear of rejection. He says that older women have the power to make a connection that turns into a dating opportunity.

For example, three simple ideas for creating dating opportunities include smiling genuinely, approaching men first and learning the art of flirting. His assessment requires a fundamental shift in thinking – women must not be afraid to make the first move!

So what’s a midlife woman who was raised in a world where men were “supposed” to make the first move do? Here are a few ideas to help you get the hang of dating after 60.

Social media has opened wonderful doors of connection, so, don’t be afraid to look up a single high school friend and even consider attending your next reunion or class event. Use LinkedIn to casually say hi to interesting men you’ve met at events. You will find out soon enough if they are married or committed, so, for now, just be friendly and see what happens.

Let single girlfriends know that you are actively looking for a relationship – maybe they know someone who is perfect for you!

Another place to meet interesting men is the good old standby, the coffee shop. Many men come in every day to get their cup of chai or latte. Pay attention and you may just find a new friend. Start a casual conversation with the man standing in line and smile! When you sit down, don’t immediately pull out your mobile phone or book.

Look around and make eye contact. If you see someone interesting, make a move. It doesn’t matter what the “move” is. Sometimes just asking whether the chocolate muffins are any good is enough to start a great conversation. Just remember to be genuine. You’re not looking for the love of your life (although it would be nice to find him). At this point, you’re just looking to make a friendly connection.

When you are out with a dog or young child, there is a natural and comfortable energy about you. This weekend, grab your dog and visit your local park. If you don’t have a dog, perhaps you can borrow one from a friend. If you have a grandchild, take them for a walk or buy them ice-cream at a local cafe. You will be smiling and that’s a good start!

The most important dating guideline is to simply do things you love. If you love museums, look for special events that will draw a crowd. If you have a passion for books, go and browse the magazines and chat with the man next to you. He may say “my wife and I…” and that’s totally fine. There should be no expectations when meeting new people. If you love sports, buy a ticket to an event that you love. Who knows who will be sitting next to you?

Many cities have an organization called Meetups. You can join groups for everything you can possibly imagine including hiking, art, photography, travel or dining out. They also have events for men and women our age and can be a great opportunity to meet new people, whether you are looking for love or not.

Many men love to work out, so, a great place to meet them is at the gym. Meeting people at the gym has a few build in advantages. First, any single man that you do meet at the gym is more interested than the average person in staying in shape. Second, even if you don’t meet anyone, working out is important for every aspect of your health after 60 – mental, physical, and emotional. Getting in shape will improve your confidence and improve every aspect of dating after 60.

Online dating fills a gap for women who are more uncomfortable meeting new people in person. There are lots of choices, like Match.com, where you can freely browse hundreds of profiles. Other paid sites, like EHarmony.com, and Chemistry.com, ask you to take a personality test before they look for “matches” for you.

There are also faith-based sites like ChristianCafe.com and JDate.com where members can write and respond to anyone. There really are so many ways to meet men even after 60 – it simply takes a shift in mindset.

Do you agree that women should make the first move when meeting a man for the first time? Do you think we have forgotten the Art of Flirting? Please add your thoughts in the comments section below.

Watch my interview with dating couch, David Wygant – I promise that some of his senior dating advice will shock and surprise you!

Let's Have a Conversation!

Are We Too Old for Boyfriends in Our 60s?

October 31, 2014

October 30, 2014

… if I became single I would never remarry… it would be or . ok though for week-ends and traveling… after being married for nearly 40 years…. I would never again share, cook, clean, etc., for another man…

I personaly stop 10 years a go

Now i am ok happy with me

I had opertunity to date agent. But i dont feel free i worry now aboute infections and more. Its in my head i know it. But date feels weird at65 i be in november for me

Its never to late

I still dress stylist and act young becouse i have yo g brain

I had good looking boyfriends now i dont wan old men next to me

October 29, 2014

October 29, 2014

And of course there are many many much younger men who want us as well.

I am having a wonderful time dating men in their 60s who all appreciate what we have to offer. Don’t give up.

No thank you-I love being by myself and intend to stay this way. Dating is not anything I want to do again :)

First of all u have to find out where all the men are hiding! Lol

I can only say that dating over 60 is great if you have a special person in your life. x

Well ladies .. go out side of your age bracket. I have by 25yrs .. and I don?t regret one bit. 12yrs now. And he doesn?t regret it either .. :)

No, the entire concept that I have to change myself to please some members of the opposite sex at my age makes me puke. I thought we got through these issues when we were, oh, in our twenties. I am feminine: I will not change or alter or “celebrate” my perceived femininity to “please” someone else or change my personality tp gain approval or earn a sexual image award frpm a dating coach. Honestly.

What about some advice for lesbian women over 60.

Out where I live the men my age generally look like Rip Van Winkle. Not very motivating.

I have a friend who is back on the dating scene and it is so fun to hear her stories!

Sounds like there are some smart confident women out there that don’t need gimmicks and prefer just being themselves.

October 16, 2013

October 16, 2013

October 16, 2013

Oh gag me. Maybe in this “coaches” world this is true, but for the rest of us it is BS!

The men i come into contact with have no idea how to flirt !

October 16, 2013

Good grief! No thank you. *runs and hides* :) Please tell me that women at around our age are much wiser than that.

CHICAGO - Many people will agree that scouring dating websites looking for love can be frustrating. And now a group of U.S. psychology professors released a study on Tuesday exposing that the dismal results are not worth that frustration.

“Online dating seems to offer the promise of unlimited opportunity for singles to meet. But the reality is that the long-term success of these pairings is about .03%,” study author Sal Stein, a professor of psychology at Brighten University, said in an interview. That is about one third of one percent.

The study defined “lasting love” as any relationship that resulted in long-term dating of six months or more. For every 350 dates that were set up online, only one led to relationships that lasted to the six month mark.

In comparison, meeting someone through other means, such as family, friends, work, school or at a bar resulted in a 29% chance of long-term dating. That is nearly 1,000 times more successful than a dating site connection. And it shows that there is no substitute for meeting face-to-face.

Stein also explained that there are significant problems with online dating. Foremost, people are overwhelmed by seemingly endless lists of profiles. Second, these profiles are often filled with misrepresentations.

When there are a lot of choices, people think of their matches as readily disposable. After a couple of dates someone who frequently uses online sites is likely to dismiss a possible mate in favor of someone new from the bottomless pit of possibilities.

The investigation also revealed that online profiles contain substantial embellishments. “People lie about their height, financial success and also say that they are younger,” Stein stated. This leads to disappointment and mistrust.

Online dating regulars tend to be unrealistic in their expectations. Stein explains, “these men and women think that they are more desirable than they actually are, and that they rate better looking matches than they are getting. Reality never hits them the way it would at a physical venue.”

The bottom line? If you are single and looking for love, you should head out to a local bar or ask your friends and family to match you up. Do not look for your next date on the internet.

35 comments

If you give it a chance, you can be successful. If you are just playing around, you won’t be.

Andy Maynard

I met my bride on match.com but I was on there for about 5 years.

the free sites are just a rip off. they want you to pay for it to actualy work. And the eharmony thing is just garbage. I spent hourts doing surverys and they never fixed me up with anyone good..

The guys online are real LOSERS. And they are so rude too. As-if I would ever go out with some of them and when you don’t answer their emails they are rude rude rude.

As an internet/online, matchmaking/dating, expert/victim for the last 10+ years , professor Stein could not have nailed it more accurately. In fact, it is the conclusion that I have come to via the a€? hard way a€?. FINAL AFFIRMATION that I have been right ALL ALONG. All I needed was ONE intelligent person to agree with me! Hallelujah.

Aamir

Thank you, I’ve recently been seinhcarg for a study about online dating for a long time and yours is the best I have came upon till now. But, what in regards to the bottom line, is it hopeless?

My exact words months ago on a popular FREE internet Dating site are as follows;

Just an FYI Ladies- (and gents if your on the wrong page lol). You are wasting your time here. You will NEVER find what/who you seek on here- or ANY other internet dating site. REMEMBER THESE WORDS-

Just trying to give you all a reality check- not that your unintelligent. But that internet dating sites by and large are CESSPOOLS of degraded rejected and depraved individuals that LIE,are UNHEALTHY, DYSFUNCTIONAL,DISHONEST,and MANIPULATIVE- (if the shoe fits lol) and ALL are constantly on the lookout for that BIGGER BETTER DEAL. The whole system and concept is fatally flawed. Too many choices- and there is something WRONG with EVERY SINGLE ONE THAT YOU WILL MAKE HERE.

I know- I know- its so convenient and its like a great big candy store and you dont have choices in your profession and you dont go to church and bars are not your thing and the gym is for midlife crisis egomaniacal and overweight freaks and how else will you find the mate of your dreams if you dont give yourself choices? Right?? WRONG!! LoL Do yourself a favor-save yourself some time- and headache- and heartache- DELETE YOUR AD and PROFILE and take your chances and lumps in the REAL WORLD. You will make the same mistakes as on here- no doubt- but at least you will be making many FEWER mistakes/decisions- that are based on the NATURAL laws of attraction and NOT illusions of grandeur- and that dream mate is just that- an ILLUSION OF GRANDEUR. I know this will likely upset and disturb all the perfect beautiful successful happy shiny people- but hey- its always better to be pissed off than pissed ON! HAHA!!

Note; Please dont message me with any cutting remarks- as I am in no way cutting you with my words. Just leading the blind!

As an internet/online, matchmaking/dating, expert/victim for the last 10+ years , professor Stein could not have nailed it more accurately. In fact, it is the conclusion that I have come to via the a€? hard way a€?. FINAL AFFIRMATION that I have been right ALL ALONG. All I needed was ONE intelligent person to agree with me! Hallelujah.

Gloria

What do you tink is the solution? Where is a good plae to look for women then?

Yeah summer you sound like a real winner.

@ James that is too much baggage to put in your profile.

E-datebook is a new online dntaig and social networking site that lets you sign up, search, rate profiles, comment on pictures, and message members for free!!? It is the webs hottest new dntaig and social networking site. Check us out!!Its e-datebook (d0t) com

I have hooked up online.

I’m a swm from Topeka. I’m 6’2″ make $250k a year and am 25. I am a model. I hang out on the dating sites all the time because I can’t get dates!

Ya’ll are a bunch of whiners. You get out of it what you put into it.

I went on a lot of good online dates and it is whatever you make of it. Some people need to grow up.

James you sound crazy and desperate. Chill it out.

This was helpful info about dating. I always check here regularly for fresh articles!

This study is completely correct.

Its about time someone got some numbers on this. The whole online dating thing is a big racket.

Seriously, I spent so much money and have nothing to show for it. Asnd the free sites are garbage you have to pay anyway.

I like to look on it like entertainment.

is anyone else going to get out the java and answer 100 dating ads now? LOL

No wonder I’ve been string out. I am one of the 97%

I am almost there then. Only a few more dates!

I like to get the replica antique watches but have some of the LEDs that are valuable. I will need to do something with those.

every time i come here i am not disappointed. I hope to be one of the the .03% lol!

This is too true. Really though it’s worse than that. I have about given up on it.

These articles are important reality checks. I also read recently in an eharmony article that dating gets harder for women over forty because the number of women begins to exceed the number of men.

1) Don’t beat yourself up if it’s not happening. It’s tough out there. And despite the fact that sites often want you to lower your standards, the better you are in terms of your education, physical fitness, smarts, success, etc., the better type of partner you might want to find. But, let’s face it, there are fewer of these people, which makes them harder to find. Additionally, if you are a minority in some way, that makes it hard–I don’t mean a racial minority. But let’s say your religious beliefs are uncommon or you have some super-unique hobby that dominates your life–that cuts your pool down as well. Actually, for that matter, I have a wonderful friend who is a Middle Eastern guy–and I do think his racial minority probably makes it harder for him to find someone in our area. People are too prejudiced against him. If you are new in town, a woman over forty, or have little family support, it will be harder. I’m all of those things. I’ve got only one parent and no siblings, etc., and my one parent needs a lot of care–I love him to bits, but he’s not going to be setting me up with anyone–and he lives too far away.

2) Do watch out for narcissistic expectations. Television and internet ads tell us all that we are supposed to be leading a certain beautiful life where we look great, have hourglass figures, have perfect clothes, have beautiful homes, and have our every need met. If we don’t have those things, then there is something wrong with us. So we should buy their products, and they’ll fix it. Love and sex are also things that we are told are supposed to be at our fingertips. Well, the internet is not an automatic love delivery service. It’s not a designer dress that we are having overnighted. Love and relationships take work. Start with friendship. And again, if it’s not happening right away, it’s not you. It’s just that it doesn’t’ really work that way.

3) Don’t give up on online dating if you do want to meet someone, but don’t make it your everything either. Join meet-up groups. Go out to bars, to church, to whatever. Get involved in your community. Give your card to everyone. Be open. Try speed dating. Try online services that have in person social events. Look at it as just another way to make some friends and to explore your own growth.

4) Two or three times I’ve met someone online whom I’ve dated six months or more. One of those may have been five months, which is why I’m not sure–can’t remember. So it can happen if you really work on your photo, profile, etc., and work on yourself. Of course, I think those relationships did ultimately turn out to be mistakes themselves. But I learned something from it, so in the end, that’s what matters. Yeah, I know I hate learning experiences. The more you learn the harder it was. But really, we’re all here to grow.

5) Work on yourself first and foremost. Love yourself. Do therapy. Do Pilates. Do Yoga. Exercise. Learn. Make friends. Get involved with charity. Celebrate all of the platonic love in your life.

I met the love of my life on MySpace. Eight years and one child later, we couldn’t be happier! I feel lucky to be part of the .03%!

Maybe these numbers are correct. I can only speak to my experience .

2. My Aunt met my Uncle on a Dating site.

That seems like a large number of people who had success on dating sites when you look at the figure sited in this article.

1. The things i think the .03 % are doing is using online for an introduction but you have to get offline and actually go out with people.

2. Be prepared to ignore or block the Rude people who are there for the wrong things.

3. Be prepared to go on Dates and see if things click ( I went on quite a few)

4. Have Realistic expectations ( Know your self and what is important to you , Know your deal breakers in a relationship and stick with them)

So my personal conclusion on Dating sites is they can work!

Are there other ways that could be better to meet someone sure.

But this worked for me and several people close to me so i would not dismiss it as a option.

Steph

I found my boyfriend on Tinder, it was on a Christmas day he sent me a message so its always a special; time for us. We now live together and are so unbelievably happy. Whey up to being part of the 0.3!!

I’m almost 60 years old. I am attractive look much younger and take good care of myself. I expect the same back.. I’ve been on different dating sites .. paying and free ones for 3 years.. I’ve met a lot of nice men but unfortunately they don’t live up to my standards(just being honest). I’ve come to the conclusion that my age is a big hinder unless I’m looking to “hook up” with a younger man.. witch I have no interest in. I tried Our Time.. Match.. E-harmony .. Hardly get any messages. Pof I do.. but quantity is not quality .. I know that my chances are next to nothing but I have find that they pass my time and through my chatting I’ve learned many things from many men.. Funny how people will open up when they feel safe .. ( OK I guess it’s never REALLY safe )…

I’m very curious about people in general and their behavior. During my toughest times I found some friends on there and I realized there are many lonely people in the same boat as me. We share stories. I have 3-4 that I’ve been chatting with for a couple of years . We just pop in and ask how we’re doing knowing we are not a match.. So pen pals of a sort.. Pen pals with something in common.. Looking for our one and only.. I’m a much wiser person for joining them.. I’m alone still.. but wiser. I don’t ever give up on finding the one but I’m less serious about it and because I’ve learned so much I feel I’m very good at spotting the ones that are simply not honest. As far as going to bars and speed dating I feel that’s just simply out for someone my age. I am convinced that men my age that are together want younger women and who can blame them ? The thing is If only some of them got to know me.. It’s true that there is nothing better than face to face.. But I can’t get them in front of me.. I have a good career own my own home and am very independent. I have hardly any baggage (don’t let someone tell you that they don’t have any because that’s simply not true) and I have a good heart.. So I believe they are simply what you make of them… I know a few couples that have met their spouses on line and hear more and more as the time goes on.. Some have dream relationships but mostly younger ones. I’m not dating older men .. I’m not attracted and I’m not settling. I see now why some women give up and just settle for hooking up now and then.. Not my bag.. So to all of you commenting here I’d say each one of you has a point.. and all of our experiences are different depending on many things (including luck I’m afraid).. I’m not giving up.. It’s a learning experience believe me ! I forgot to mention that among all those nice men.. there are also some pigs… God bless everyone !

Pretty easy to meet women online, I’ve been on lots of dates and had a few that started to get serious. I had to cut them short though as the women were either not attractive to me or had mental health problems.

Now that I’ve stopped using online dating sites I view it as a ‘phase’ I went through; I learned a little about myself, women and the Internet. Most of all I learnt that it’s best to get on with your life, enjoying reality, not looking for love anymore. If it finds me, great, if not I can be quite content without it.

yes women have unlimited possibilities on dating sites and apps and view men as disposable. Only the top percentage of men have the same dilemna. I see the same women year after year. Make plans and cancel because they get 20 new messages per hour. Nothing is ever good enough. On Tinder most guys get zero dates. The upper echelon males are being shared and worn out. The average guy gets nothing.

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