_________________“The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want for nothing. He makes me lie down in the green pastures. He greases up my head with oil. He gives me kung-fu in the face of my enemies. Amen”. - Tom Cullen

I have noticed a Post-modernist aspect to this Hobwit Tale. I wish to lodge a complaint about that. Also, though it repulses me to have to even read the vulgar-bit-of-stuff (for the purpose of moral critiquing), I must tell you that I found "Mutton as Lamb" more poorly realized, and less well edited, than "An Unexpectedly Long Chapter", which repulsed me just as much, vulgarly speaking, if you know what I mean.

Please let me know why the lazy sluggard who wrote it hasn't rewritten it properly? For it is quite tiresome enough finding all the rude bits as it is without having to struggle through poor realization and stumble over pathetic editing!

Also, can you please let me know when the next chapter will be published, as I'm sure it will require a comesnsurate share of moral critique (by me), that's if the first two chapters are anything to go by.

yours faithfully,Odo R. Banks

NB. Lesbo, have you seen Mirabella? Haven't sighted her for days but I hear she's taken up a room at your hole. Can you confirm or deny this rumour?

It's a good thing I was the only one around when I read it, laughed out loud several times "Bigbanga and Ballbanga Toot", a pipe-weed dealer called Druggo, the smoking sequence - I could go on and on Definitely not family friendly, though

_________________“The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want for nothing. He makes me lie down in the green pastures. He greases up my head with oil. He gives me kung-fu in the face of my enemies. Amen”. - Tom Cullen

"Just as he puffed up, a dwarf was leading a pony around the thorny shrub, loaded with all sorts of packages and parcels of all shapes and sizes. The dwarf was quite unusual. He was six foot two tall, clean shaven, long of limb but strong looking, with yellow hair and an aquiline nose, not too pointy, but not too rounded or bulbous at the end. He wore a knitted green vest, long brown breaches - somewhat besmirched - and stout red boots, weathered but still in good enough condition for long treks over hill and through forest. On his handsome head - and he was very handsome - he wore a felt hat with a hatpin shaped in the likeness of a dragonfly. His eyes were those "come to bed eyes" you see in men who have spent time in Budapest. A strange kind of dwarf really, not the kind one often saw in Hobbiton, though sometimes in the western outskirts. Bango had never seen him before. He looked like a Man actually. "

This whole paragraph is priceless

"We'll have to send off our burgler to check it out, just in case it's three trolls or something."

"In a small clearing he saw saw them, three tall creatures; tall ugly creatures. Trolls in fact. You can imagine his surprise."

Need more laughing emoticons!

That whole ranger sequence with the dwarves and Grandelf and Dwarfen's (funniest name in the story so far, by the way ) intrusion is uproarious

This is one of the funniest stories I've ever read, well done! I bow my head to the Master of Comedy

PS:

"Lady of the Ring" - A LotR parody in the making? (need a hopeful emoticon!) And I hope you are working on the third chapter of this masterpiece?

_________________“The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want for nothing. He makes me lie down in the green pastures. He greases up my head with oil. He gives me kung-fu in the face of my enemies. Amen”. - Tom Cullen

That song was certainly not family friendly Can't wait for the next one

_________________“The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want for nothing. He makes me lie down in the green pastures. He greases up my head with oil. He gives me kung-fu in the face of my enemies. Amen”. - Tom Cullen

Thanks to our kind Admin I can now use smileys that illustrate how I must have looked when I read this wonderful tale:

_________________“The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want for nothing. He makes me lie down in the green pastures. He greases up my head with oil. He gives me kung-fu in the face of my enemies. Amen”. - Tom Cullen

Thanks for making my Saturday evening, Odo Now I don't miss the TV as much

_________________“The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want for nothing. He makes me lie down in the green pastures. He greases up my head with oil. He gives me kung-fu in the face of my enemies. Amen”. - Tom Cullen

Thanks? Thanks! Look here, young man, I may sponsor "Wholesome Tales" and "Wholesome Poetry" which are published by the Archet Bugle, but this kind of vulgar, smutty boy humour is not something I'd poke with a barge pole! Who does the author of "The Hobwit" think he is, "Benny Hill"? Peurile is all I can say. Peurile and ridiculous and filthy sillyness. And not respectable at all. I'm amazed anyone could read this drivel in the first place. I roll my eyes to heaven every time I do - more violently each time - and pray for Illuvartars intervention to delete this sordid saucy kind of thing! I really don't know what this anonymous author will come up with next, except that it will be full of more of that dirty little boy salaciousness, and I don't for a second look forward to reading any of it! Not one word!

I knew the poem part had to be good, but this is hilarious Keep the chapters coming, I could use some more comedy around here

_________________“The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want for nothing. He makes me lie down in the green pastures. He greases up my head with oil. He gives me kung-fu in the face of my enemies. Amen”. - Tom Cullen

I meant around here as in this bloody camp, not the forum (where I think there's plenty enough of it )

{{{{{{{{{ I agree about that admin and the moderators, though }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

_________________“The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want for nothing. He makes me lie down in the green pastures. He greases up my head with oil. He gives me kung-fu in the face of my enemies. Amen”. - Tom Cullen

I'm a keen observer of Archet Bugel publications like this, as you know, young Ringo Herring. As you seem something of a supporter too, I was wondering, are there things you think could be done better, jokes that don't work or just annoy, or things you think might be "spoofed" which have been overlooked, that kind of thing. You see, I have contacts within that lauadable rag (the Bugle, that is), and might be able to exert some pressure to improve "The Hobwit." It is obviously just a bit of fun, but I'm sure it also serves as excellent writing practice for it's extremely Anonymous Author, and we Forumshierer's should always encourage 'writing practice', now shouldn't we?

_________________"Skirts!" cried our respectable Master Odo. "Skirts! And they have the temerity to call them 'kilts'.... Eru darn my socks!"

When I get some more time on my hands (this weekend, perhaps) I'll try to see if I can give you some more constructive feedback if you'd like. So far I've just been enjoying every new chapter without a thought about proper feedback. I'm looking forward to rereading it already

_________________“The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want for nothing. He makes me lie down in the green pastures. He greases up my head with oil. He gives me kung-fu in the face of my enemies. Amen”. - Tom Cullen

I hadn't realised the Bugle ws looking for feedback I have just een shamelessly enjoying it instead. {{{Don't tell the NotP I said that I'll lose my job- talking of which the latest delivery is late- again! }}}

_________________

Pure Publications, The Tower of Lore and the Former Admin's Office are Reasonably Proud to Present-

*Pure Publications reserves the right to track your usage of this publication, snoop on your home address, go through your bins and sell personal information on to the highest bidder.Warning may contain Wholesome Tales