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12:34 p.m. - 2009-09-16
Being part of something is NOT a crime.

Baby been in a bad, bad, bad mood. It's better today, I slept for almost 5 whole hours before the nightmares closed in. Also I got some good news over the phone just a little bit ago and this news is a happy making sort of thing.

I was an effective parent yesterday and arranged for the transportation department to make Wolf's commute to school about a zillion percent less stressful. Wolf seemed sort of flummoxed that I had taken care of the matter for him. Rather insulting if you don't know Aspies and their way of going on. This insulting behavior was also one of the topics in yesterday's monthly meeting at his school.

This whole 'Celebrate the Autistic and Love Them for Their Skewed Outlook!' shite really chaps my butt. It's one thing to understand and accept your child's limitations, it's quite another to make a virtue of their navel-centric rudeness. My son's social lapses can be overcome with learned behavior on his end and patience on my part. I absolutely REFUSE to let him go barging through life being mean, nasty, insulting, and oblivious because 'that's the way he is'. Bullshit. Just because he's wired to blurt out any old hurtful and rude thing that pops into his head and isn't instantly cognizant that others have feelings does NOT mean he gets a 'Get Out of Being a Decent Person' pass for his entire life. To some extent we're ALL uncivilized beasties at birth. Society (especially in the form of parents and family) set the norm and train the child into having an acceptable social manner.

So it is with my son. For one thing, what ISN'T different about him is his craving for acceptance and friends. He longs for approval and to be part of things just as everybody does. But according to those 'Celebrate' shitheads I'm supposed to excuse Wolf's rudeness and even go so far as to make him proud of his blunt and harsh way of interacting. WRONG! I would be doing a huge disservice if I didn't help him learn how to be part of non-autistic society. This isn't about trying to fix him, this is about giving him valuable tools and skills. Maybe it's a bit much to draw this comparison, but would it be okay if he were blind and I let him drive the car? Am I supposed to smile as he careens down the road plowing over animals, people and mailboxes and say, "Well, being blind is his way, you know. You just have to deal with him the way he is."??? Am I really?

No, no, a thousand times NO! There is a huge difference between acknowledging the way he processes the world and teaching him how to adapt, and just letting him run amok and doing nothing to guide him. I teach my son the rules and the steps of the dance. That he doesn't have natural rhythm doesn't mean he CAN'T learn, only that it's tougher and he has to listen harder. Plus, just because Aspies don't get why other people frown and are insulted by them doesn't mean they don't care. If anything rejection is harder on Aspies. Imagine always being smacked in the face with being wrong and not ever being clued in as to why. How awful!

My son has a socially deft and intuitive mother. Because I understand the rules and nuances so well makes me an excellent mentor for my socially clumsy son. I can give him reasons for why things work the way they do. Reasons that make sense to him. I can provide insight that fits into the way he processes and teach him to recognize the social cues he needs to make the appropriate response. Wolf won't grow up getting hit with mysterious rejection all the time and either end up feeling crappy about himself or become a passive-aggressive dickhead like his father. Mike's shtick has always been to get the drop on others and make them feel awkward and inept before they can get the chance to do it to him. Yeah, that's a fine way to go through life, eh? Mike's pre-emptive cruelty is just as much a learned response as anything I can teach Wolf. And what Wolf gets is a million times healthier and productive.

So spare me the Pro-Aspie thing about leaving them at sea in a confusing and hostile world and letting them flounder and hurt in the name of 'acceptance'. Who is accepting whom? The clueless loner who offends and doesn't know how not to? I should leave Wolf out there unlearned and untutored hoping against hope that he strikes the social Lotto and finds a couple people willing to deal with his unknowing cruelty and abrupt insults and be his friend anyhow? Yeah, right.

Life is a tough, tough gig and my mom job (as I see it) is to give my son ALL the advantages I can. As I taught him to use the toilet and take care of his personal hygiene, so it's also my job to help him master the artful skill of being a friend and (eventually) a lover.