Thursday, September 22, 2016

My late grandmother once told me not to put my baby in front of a mirror before he has grown his teeth. She said it will effect his development????

She didn't know why or where it comes from. Is there any basis for this?

Answer:

Many dismiss this as a bubbe maiseh, an old wives' tale. But if you heard it from your own bubbe, then perhaps you shouldn't be too quick to laugh it off.

One respected authority, Rabbi Moshe Stern, wrote that this is a valid custom, and it was practiced in his home town of Debrecin, Hungary. He quotes a 13th century Spanish sage, the Rashba, who says that one should never belittle the traditions of grandmothers, because even if we don't know the reasons behind them, they certainly come from a holy place.

I don't know if looking in the mirror will hinder your son's development. But I do know that being disconnected from his roots will. A person needs to know where he comes from. No one is born in a vacuum. We are all a products of our ancestors. And to know who we are, we need to know who they were.

Your son stems from a long line of proud Jews. When you pass down your grandmother's traditions to your children, you are giving them roots, an identity, a clear sense of who they are.

Your grandparents' traditions included much more than just avoiding mirrors. They had a kosher home, celebrated Shabbos and Yomtov, gave charity abundantly and were active in their shul community. They were learned in Torah and loved being Jewish.

Pass these rich traditions on to your son. Then one day, when he is fully developed, teeth and all, he will look in the mirror and say, "I know who I am. I am a Jew."

Good Shabbos,

Rabbi Moss

Sources:

Shu"t Be'er Moshe 8:36

The exact source of the Rashba is a mystery. It is quoted in Shu"t Veheishiv Moshe 13 (See Igros Kodesh v6 p124). Some have pointed to Shu"t Rashba 1:9

Thursday, September 15, 2016

The immigration experience has been much harder than expected. I am here already for a year and not at all acclimatized. Don't get me wrong, I have been welcomed with open arms into this community, and people have been great to me. But I miss home, still don't really feel I fit in, don't get the mentality and am still very much a foreigner. Jews have moved around a lot in history, so is there a Jewish approach for adjusting to new country?

Answer:

Your difficulty is not uncommon. In fact every soul goes through a similar process on its journey to higher worlds.

Death is the ultimate immigration experience. The soul leaves this world and moves into the spiritual realm. This is most unsettling. Having become accustomed to life in a body on earth, the soul is at first disoriented and lost in its new supernal domain.

In order to adjust to this new reality, the soul has to be made to forget physical life, to actively rid itself of the sights and sounds, the flavours and the attitudes of life in a body. As long as the soul still holds on to worldly memories it cannot appreciate the new, more refined world that it has arrived in.

Of course, the soul can hold on to memories of the loved ones it left behind, because those connections are not merely physical. But tactile sensations and bodily pleasures must be forgotten in order to develop a taste for the higher pleasures up there.

This is astounding. It means you can be in heaven and not enjoy yourself, because you are thinking of the life you left behind. You'd expect that physical pleasures would pale in comparison to heavenly life. But no. The memory of familiar comforts will blind you to the opportunities that are yet unfamiliar. No matter how sublime the delights of paradise may be, if you are still in earth mode, you will not appreciate them. You must shed your worldly outlook before you can adopt an other-worldly one.

The same applies to immigration. As long as your head is back in the old country, you will never settle in the new. You may be right - the water tasted better, the traffic wasn't as bad, the bureaucracy and the mentality and the accent and the price of fish are all better back home. Maybe. But you will only make your new country home if you stop comparing it and start living in it.

Being away from family and friends will always be tough, and there will be new flavours to learn. But you need to consciously make the shift, the immigration of the mind, by saying, "Now I'm here, and that's that." Then give it some time. Even heaven takes getting used to.