How to Make Gina Carano Fall in Love with You

Unless you’ve been living under a hippopotamus’ rear-end for the past few years, you are fully aware that MMA bad-ass and the star of the hit new film Haywire, Gina Carano was once engaged to yours truly.

Carano and I had a hot thing going at one point in time.

The two of us were scheduled to recite our vows at a local Hooters wedding chapel in Las Vegas, Nevada but we decided to call the whole thing off when we both came to the realization that we are way too damn sexy to limit ourselves to one person.

Ever since then, men everywhere have been asking me for “my secrets” and how I was able to magically make Carano fall in love with me.

The truth is, there is no secret. I’m just better than you in every aspect.

Don’t feel bad though, because while you will never be as much of a bad-ass as Mitch Ciccarelli (oh and yes I did just refer to myself in the third person and if you have a problem with that, come find me), you can still seduce a hottie like Carano.

In this article I am going to share with you 10 simple, yet effective, steps required to make Carano fall in love with you.

Most of you are probably ugly as hell but fear not because you don’t need to be good looking for these steps to work.

Step 8: Buy Her a Pet Kangaroo

It’s no secret that chicks love animals. Girls will usually go bonkers when their boyfriend buys them a cute little pet but, again, you have to be different.

Every woman on the face of the earth has a puppy or a kitty cat. You need to get Gina something that is truly one of a kind that will make her closer to loving you in ways you’ve previously thought to be impossible.

A kangaroo is the perfect choice. Not only is it something no other girl (in America) has but it would also prove to be a viable sparring partner for Carano.

Seriously, have you ever seen a kangaroo box before? They make Floyd Mayweather look like a 12-year-old girl with a retainer.