Hey, remember last year, how the squirrels got into my tomatoes for the first time in forever, and I had unfairly blamed Licorice for a while before I figured it out, and then it became clear that the squirrels were just looking for water?

Good times. And by “good,” I of course mean “rage-inducing.” By the end of the summer we’d already used up all of the tomato sauce I’d made, on account of having only made a few pitiful batches. Most of my tomatoes were stolen.

Well. THIS YEAR would be different. Sure, it was dry out for a while, but then it rained for, like, a week straight. NO PROBLEM! Those pesky squirrels wouldn’t need to decimate my tomatoes, right? HA. HAHA. MY OPTIMISM IS CHARMING AND DELUSIONAL.

This specimen comes from the lone box up on the porch, the ONE plant I thought would remain undisturbed. And yesterday when Otto went out to let Licorice into the dog run, a squirrel chattered at him from INSIDE THE BOX and then dropped this and scampered away. Fucker. (Note the companion jalapeño which was sampled and discarded. I hope it gave him heartburn.)

My husband is currently engaging in squirrel jihad to protect his garden. He’s tried netting, wire, mothballs, chicken wire, pellet gun. He has taken to picking the tomatoes just before they ripen and ripening inside the house. Our squirrels haven’t sampled any of our peppers. I wish they had b/c those things are HOT and maybe it’d keep the #%** things from decimating the tomatoes.

I. Hate. Squirrels! When they are not decimating our pecans, they are eating their way into our house. Living within the city limits means we cannot use a “real gun” on them, but we have been known to use a pellet gun – at least when it was working!

I am surprised it sampled the jalapeno. I have read that putting the hot substance from peppers into bird seed keeps the squirrels out. Guess not!

I got groundhogs. Mama with two ‘hog babies. Nothing kept them out. Not fences, not noise in the form of talking radio stations, not construction on the nearby garage. Nothing. Not even sprinkling my veggies with hot chili powder, that just encouraged them to continue nibbling. Spiced food, for free! SIGH.

When I was in Whistler, my guide told me about some people growing tomatoes in a planter on their balcony on the third floor of an apartment block who had their sole fruit eaten by a bear that smelled it from the ground and shimmied up the siding to get to it. Squirrel? Pft!