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No Nostalgia – If they’d cracked open the pixels and given us the Mario of yester-year, we’d be on to a winner. Instead, as soon as you open the app you get a ‘Nintendo Wii’ vibe. They should have gone classic-Mario.

The Wrong Name – This game should be called Mario Jump. That’s all you do for the entire time. Jump. Jump in one direction. Want to run back to another bit of the game? Tough.

Adrenaline Junkies need not Apply – Remember the terror as Goompas ran towards you…desperately trying to jump out of their way? The sheer joy when you managed to escape with your life? Yeah, that doesn’t happen now, because Mario jumps over these automatically.

Burst the Bubble – Fell down a gap in the road – didn’t die, appeared in a bubble, safe and well. What is this? A game for 2 year olds??

Narrative Disaster – It all kicks off with Peach hosting a party. Does she send a message to Mario on Instagram? WhatsApp? No – she sends him a letter. Not exactly a secure method of communication. That’s how it gets intercepted and she ends up getting captured. If she’d used Snapchat – she’d be safe, now.

Data Download – it keeps downloading data…then not…I miss normal games, where you just had the game and didn’t need to download anything.

You can play this game with one hand. BORING.

FINAL THOUHHT: it’s like giving Louis Hamilton a self-service car for his next race. I’m going to dig out my Gameboy Advance.