Videophone: Another Hang-up To Hang Up On

RAY RECCHI

Oh, goody! Another useless yuppie toy is about to make its debut. Just what the world needs.

I refer to American Telephone & Telegraph`s announcement that it will begin to market the VideoPhone 2500 later this year.

Soon -- if you have the money and the inclination -- you will be able to see the people to whom you are speaking on the telephone. And they will be able to see you.

Is that necessary?

Not for me it isn`t, particularly not at a cost of $1,500.

But I suppose somebody had to come up with something new, frivolous and expensive that yuppies could buy to impress one another and to display their success and financial superiority to the rest of us. Besides, without a new toy to show off, a lot of yuppies might become depressed, even suicidal.

We couldn`t have that, could we?

Sure, there are some who would say that all this good old American know-how should be put to better use, perhaps to come up with something the country really needs, like a cheap, solar-powered car.

TAKE MY MONEY, PLEASE

But we can`t really fault corporate America for investing so much time, money, energy and ingenuity in developing such toys. Who wouldn`t be tempted by a group of customers who demand to pay inflated prices for products they don`t need?

We used to say that necessity was the mother of invention. But that was back when people took pride in getting value for their dollar. Now that people insist on squandering money on high-tech toys to show how much money they have, lack of necessity has become the mother of invention.

When you come right down to it, for example, how many people really need a cellular phone, a portable fax machine or a doorbell that plays the opening theme to Beethoven`s Fifth Symphony?

What`s even more insane about this is that possession of such toys becomes the goal of people in middle- and lower-incomes groups, many of whom put themselves into serious credit-card hock to buy them.

I must admit, I have been guilty of this a few times. I bought a VCR in the mid-`70s when hardly anyone had one. It was so big it took two people to lift it. Used, it cost me $800. It was the dumbest deal I ever made.

I also own a large-screen TV and a video camera. But a lot of people have those toys now, which is why yuppies need new toys to buy. After all, what`s the point of having a stereo, large screen, high-resolution TV when everybody has one?

PHONE SHOULD BE HEARD, NOT SEEN

Now that crowd will be able to see each other when they talk on the phone. Big deal.

Frankly, I wouldn`t have one even if I could justify spending the money. Like caller identification, another party-pooping ``advancement,`` the VideoPhone 2500 promises to ruin some of the fun of owning a phone.

If I know who`s calling before I answer, for example, I can`t be surprised by a call from an old friend. I can`t wonder, even for a split second, if it might be Ed McMahon calling to tell me I won his sweepstakes. I would know from the get-go that it was one of my daughter`s friends. There will be no surprises, good or bad.

If VideoPhone 2500 comes into general use, it will put our imaginations on hold, too. We won`t see people on the other end as we want to see them. We`ll see them as they really are -- curlers, bloodshot eyes and all. And they will see us.

No longer will it be safe to be slovenly in the privacy of our homes. We`ll have to shave, shower, comb and dress or explain why we don`t want to activate our little phone camera.

When my son calls from college, his mother might see what a mess his room is, or get into an argument over the length of his hair. Who needs that?