Archive for the ‘Strange’ Category

With all the innuendo in the following video, you’d think that Michelle Bachmann was gunning for the lead role in Milf Fuckers 39 instead of reelection in Minnesota’s 6th district. On Saturday, Bachmann and Governor Tim Pawlenty gave speeches at a tax day tea party.

Bachmann is angry that the government is having an orgy without her and that it has already “spent its wad.” To be fair, Bachmann simply wasn’t the prettiest girl at the party and the government just couldn’t hold out when they heard this speech by North Carolina congresswoman Virginia Foxx.

We need some real opposition in this country. Not some fire and brimstone, good versus evil nutjob that believes the second coming of Christ will happen the second we have single-payer healthcare in this country. The ideas are so archaic that you have to go back to 18th century, Salem Witch Trials logic in order to wrap your head around the idiocy.

For the love of Nathaniel Hawthorne and all reasonable people, get Bachmann the hell out of Congress.

Democratic Representative Lon Burnam of Texas will call for an impeachment vote for Court of Criminal Appeal Chief Justice Sharon Keller. Keller ordered that the court be closed while a death penalty appeal was being prepared.

Michael Richard, in better times.

Burnam said Keller’s “gross neglect of duty and willing disregard for human life” should be grounds for her immediate dismissal from the court. During a September 2007 appeal, the legal team for death row inmate Michael Richard experienced computer problems and asked that the court stay open past the 5pm deadline. Keller refused and Richard was executed at midnight.

This is exactly the kind of excuse you give to a professor when your paper is late. Computer difficulties. But why the hell don’t they just have a 24-hour section of the courthouse? Richard deserves every moment leading up to his execution to prove his innocence. Keller would have been immediately removed from the bench in any other state except Texas.

Good old Newt Gingrich has been in politics too long. Quotes from his past are beginning to catch up with him and the Democratic Party just may have found a flip-flop moment that could put Gingrich in hot water with his Republican base.

Being opposed to torture may actually hurt the future Republican Presidential Candidate.

In 1997, then Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich, released a statement that said the following:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: OCTOBER 30, 1997
SPEAKER’S STATEMENT ON VISIT OF PRESIDENT JIANG
Washington, D.C. — House Speaker Newt Gingrich released the following statement today following his meeting with Chinese President Jiang Zemin.

“As I said in China this spring, there is no place for abuse in what must be considered the family of man. There is no place for torture and arbitrary detention. There is no place for forced confessions. There is no place for intolerance of dissent.” “While we walked through the Rotunda. I explained to President Jiang how the roots of American rule of law go back more than 700 years, to the signing of the Magna Carta. The foundation of American values, therefore, is not a passing priority or a temporary trend.

That last sentence is the kicker. Gingrich cannot hide behind the “everything changed after 9/11” bullshit that has been used to justify both torture and arbitrary detention.

In a recent interview with Greta Van Susteren, Gingrich was grilled by the side-of-the-mouth talker. It’s not really too big of a surprise because Van Susteren’s husband is one of Sarah Palin’s advisers, so she has a vested interest in Gingrich losing the 2012 nomination. In any case, here is the interview:

VAN SUSTEREN: But you said a minute ago that it was torture, waterboarding…
GINGRICH: No, I said it’s not something we should do.

VAN SUSTEREN: OK. Is it torture or not?

GINGRICH: I — I — I think it’s — I can’t tell you.

VAN SUSTEREN: Does it violate the Geneva Convention?

GINGRICH: I honestly don’t know.

I can’t tell you? What the fuck? Do you know whether waterboarding is torture or not and you’re just following some stupid Republican talking point?

I do agree with Gingrich on his original statement, but I’m sure you’ll see him backpedal like no other during the primaries. We should be opposed to torture every day. A post 9/11 world is only an excuse for those who seek to undermine the very foundations of this country.

Republican Senator from Maine Susan Collins stripped funding for a flu pandemic preparedness program from the economic stimulus bill before becoming one of only three GOP Senators to vote for the bill. The funding would have cost $870 million.

Everyone in the United States and Mexico is pissing their pants about swine flu even though it’s only killed about 6% of infected people. The problem, however, is that it is killed perfectly healthy young adults in Mexico, not the very young and very old. During the Influenza Pandemic of the early 20th century, the same thing happened. A healthy person’s immune system actually worked against them by over-responding to the germs, effectively drowning their lungs with fluid.

It’s important to note that two drugs have worked very well in combating swine flu. Tamiflu and Relenza seem to work very well in cases seen in the United States. So far, 28 students from a New York private school have been infected. No one in the United States has died from swine flu.

God hates Republicans lately. Just weeks after Bobby Jindal railed on superfluous spending on volcano monitoring, Mount Redoubt in Alaska blew up with little warning from the scientific community. Now, a Republican Senator who used to brag about stripping the funding from preparedness for a flu pandemic, is going to have to justify it to a nation scared shitless by the 24-hour media networks.

Do not worry about swine flu. Do not sit in front of the television all day waiting for the latest numbers from CNN. Do not hit “Refresh, Refresh, Refresh” on the CDC website. I assure you, more people will die in car accidents today than will die of swine flu.

Rhode Island Representative Raymond Sullivan Jr. was arrested late Wednesday for driving under the influence of alcohol. Sullivan, a Democrat from District 29 in Coventry, was swerving between lanes on on Route 95 before he was pulled over by police.

Sullivan takes Myspace pictures.

The officer asked Sullivan to recite the alphabet and all was well until he arrived at “P.” From there, Sullivan said, “r, t, x, r, z.” Ouch. Sullivan insisted that he only had two beers, but the officer apparently didn’t buy it and arrested him on the scene. Can we assume that Sullivan refused a breathalyzer at the scene? Probably. But we don’t want to get sued.

Anyway, at the drunk tank, Sullivan used his cell phone to call his attorney. After the conversation the Representative consented to a breathalyzer and blew a whopping .179, more than double the state’s legal limit. And that is what…a half hour to an hour later? He was issued citations for Driving While Intoxicated, leaving the lane of travel, operating without evidence of insurance, and operating without evidence of registration.

Those additional charges are a bit nitpicky. Then again, maybe Rep. Sullivan is an asshole when he’s drunk.

Sullivan was a Campaign Director for Barack Obama in Rhode Island during the 2008 Presidential Election.

Rapid City is a fucking tourist trap. There are no real jobs there. If you want to work as a ticket-taker for the world’s largest Flintstones diorama, then I suggest you move to Rapid City.

The duck population is out of control.

And as a city of 70% sucker tourists, the City Council has found a way to shake even more money from the pockets of passers. If the measure passes, feeding the city’s ducks will come at a heavy cost. The fines are as follows:

A warning only for the remainder of 2009, a $25 fine plus court cost of about $50 in 2010 and a $50 fine and costs in 2011. In 2012, it would have a full-blown municipal fine schedule with a maximum of $500.

Five hundred fucking dollars for feeding a duck. The sponsors of the bill say that it is the most humane way to reduce the growing flocks of birds.

You have to give Rod Blagojevich some credit. Despite defining corrupt Chicago politics, Blagojevich deals with the sticks and stones with such nonchalance that it is difficult to despise him.

How can you not love the man?

Last week, Blago tried to petition the District court system to allow him to travel to Costa Rica for a reality TV show. Filmed deep in the foliage of a rain forest, the show is called, “I’m a Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here!” A bit ironic that Blago would petition the court to participate in such a show.

In any case, Costa Rica is about the most goddamn beautiful place I’ve ever been. Even in the thick of the rain forests, there are paths everywhere. Stay on the path and you’ll be perfectly safe from threats.

Anyway, U.S. District Judge James Zagel denied Blagojevich’s request to be on the show, saying:

I don’t think this defendant fully understands and I don’t think he could understand … the position he finds himself in.

Ouch. You mean the law applies to politicians as well? Surely you jest!

Justin Reed, a United States Marine from North Carolina, was arrested at Logan International Airport in Boston after guns and explosives were found in his checked luggage. Just days after a report from the Department of Homeland Security warned of an incline in right-wing extremism that may permeate our military, Reed will become the poster child of current conservative tomfoolery.

If it were a black person, Fox would talk about the rise of militant blacks in the US.

The scary part of this report is that Boston was Reed’s destination city and not his departure. TSA officials in Las Vegas apparently missed:

So when a gun shaped device goes through a metal detector, a TSA official in Las Vegas doesn’t bother to check it out? I can imagine that bomb components can be any matter of shapes and sizes, but to miss a handgun in inexcusable.

These motherfuckers really aren’t used to protesting. After 8 years of quietly attempting to defend their vote for the worst President in the modern era, conservatives are only slowly regaining their ability to defy authority. In this spirit, hundreds of conservatives virtually gathered on Second Life and held their own Tax Day Tea Party.

Fraud Paine!

Baby steps? More like fetus steps with this one. Check out all the pictures on Wonkette.