Archive for December 2011

Sometimes you ask yourself who works in advertising…
It reminds me of that Bill Hicks routine.
How sexist can you go?
I’ve heard that Lebanon is the only place in the World with McDonald’s Valet and Delivery.
People buy their license / They don’t need to learn how to park / there’s always Valet… Totally Clueless (1995)Josh: You want to practice parking?
Cher: What’s the point? Everywhere you go has valet. You keep saying you got something for me
Something you call love but confess
You’ve been a’messin’ where you shouldn’t ‘ve been a’messin’
And now someone else is getting all your best
Well, these boots are made for walking, and that’s just what they’ll do
One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you

You keep lyin’ when you oughta be truthin’
You keep losing when you oughta not bet
You keep samin’ when you oughta be a’changin’
What’s right is right but you ain’t been right yet
These boots are made for walking, and that’s just what they’ll do
One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you

You keep playing where you shouldn’t be playing
And you keep thinking that you’ll never get burnt (HAH)
Well, I’ve just found me a brand new box of matches (YEAH)
And what he knows you ain’t had time to learn
These boots are made for walking, and that’s just what they’ll do
One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you

Are you ready, boots?
Start walkin’
If you like this track, you can also download the French version here.
So I was discussing this post with someone last night and we were trying to find uplifting walking song: Walk This Way, I Walk The Line, Walk On The Wild Side… But the only ones that stuck were the sad onesEach step is moving, it’s moving me up
moving, it’s moving me up
Every step is moving me up
moving me up, moving, moving me up
Every step is
moving me up
One tiny, tiny,
tiny move
It’s all I need
And I jump over
Every step is moving me up

This is how we walk on the moonThis is how we walk on the moon
Let’s stay in this mood and continue some more.Sad as a painted clown, a beautiful boy in an ugly town
but when your circus closes down don’t walk away from me
you’ve been asleep too long, the birds are bruises in the dawn
the pounds of flesh between us stretch as far as you can see

But all you ever do is walk awaySee the idiot walk
See the idiot talk
See the idiot chalk up his name on the blackboard
See the robot walk
See the robot talk
See the robot write up his name on the ballot
They say, this is all I need to get by
The truth is, baby, it’s a lie
And here’s a bonus to see you off: The disclaimer you can find at the door of a number of place around town. Makes you wonder if they actually thought it through:
“Please keep the motor running, I’m gonna pick something up from the register. And please don’t mind the AK47 on the passenger seat…”

Here we are, still together
We are one…
So much time, wasted,
Playing games with loveSo many tears I’ve cried
So much pain inside
But baby it ain’t over ’til it’s over
So many years we’ve tried
To keep our love alive
But baby it ain’t over ’til it’s over

How many times
Did we give up
But we always worked things out
And all my doubts and fears
Kept me wondering, yeahhh
If I’d always, always be in love…I drink a coffee every morning
It comes from a place that’s far away
And when I’m done I feel like talking
Without you here there is less to say

I guess I should take Prozac, right and just smile all night
At somebody new, somebody not too bright but sweet and kind
Who would try to get you off my mind, I could leave this agony behind
Which is just what I’d do if I wanted to but I don’t want to get over you

‘Cause I don’t want to get over love
I could listen to my therapist, pretend you don’t exist
And not have to dream of what I dream of

I could listen to all my friends and go out again
And pretend it’s enough or I could make a career of being blue
I could dress in black and read Camus
Smoke clove, cigarettes and drink Vermouth
Like I was 17, that would be a scream but I don’t want to get over you

Baby let me be, around you every night
Run your fingers through my hair,
And cuddle me real tight
I enjoy both cuddles and nakedness, but the image illustrating this post sums it up for me. I’ve got a newsclipping of it ever since I went to a Takashi Murakami exhibition a few years ago.
Look at all the details. You can also imagine the friction burns on her knees if you want.
Ah, nostalgia: it takes me back to my teens watching lotsa Hentai and preferring the purple-haired dolls to the girls around me. Hmmm…
Anyway, for more info on the artist and the Superflat movement click here.
Now let’s stick with cuddly and run with it some more.You’re not the only cuddly toy
that was ever enjoyed
by any boy

You’re not the only choo choo train
that was left out in the rain
the day after Santa came

You’re not the only charity light
that was left in the night
who gave up without a fight, yeah

You’re not the only cuddly toy
that was ever enjoyed
by any boy

You’re not the kind of girl to tell your mother
the kind of company you keep
I never told you that I’d love no other
you must have dreamed it in your sleep…Cuddly Toy was a hit for the Monkees in the sixties but Nilsson’s acoustic demo is so much better.
OK, “bare with me” we still have one last track. Not a real surprise but it allows me to move back from my teens to my childhood.Look for the bare necessities
The simple bare necessities
Forget about your worries and your strife
I mean the bare necessities
Old Mother Nature’s recipes
That brings the bare necessities of life
[…]
And don’t spend your time lookin’ around
For something you want that can’t be found
When you find out you can live without it
And go along not thinkin’ about it…
Those were my words of wisdom for the day. And here’s Louis Armstrong’s version as a parting gift.

We’re never as bad as we fear nor as good as we would like – some uke player’s tai chi teacher.
I found these words of wisdom online during my preparation for today: I sing on stage for the first time in less than 3 hours. Just me and my ukulele…This is the day – your life will surely change
This is the day – when things fall into place
Listen to the lyrics. I love this song but I won’t be covering it because I can’t sing it without tearing up in a horrible bout of self-pity…
But, let’s avoid the drama: I’ll be fine. I just needed an excuse to post some day-related tracks.But I still remember that day we met in DecemberBlue jeans, White shirt
Walked into the room you know you made my eyes burn
It was like James Dean, for sure
You so fresh to death & sick as ca-cancer
You were sorta punk rock, I grew up on hip hop
But you fit me better than my favourite sweater, and I know
That love is mean, and love hurts
But I still remember that day we met in December, oh baby!

I will love you till the end of time
I would wait a milion years
Promise you’ll remember that you’re mine
Baby can you see through the tears?
Love you more
Than those bitches before
Say you’ll remember, oh baby, say you’ll remember
I will love you till the end of time

Big dreams, gangster
Said you had to leave to start your life over
I was like: “no please, stay here,”
We don’t need no money we can make it all work
But he headed out on Sunday, said he’d come home Monday
I stayed up waitin’, anticipatin’ and pacin’ but he was
Chasing paper
“Caught up in the game” that was the last I heard

I will love you till the end of time
I would wait a milion years

Promise you’ll remember that you’re mine
Baby can you see through the tears?
Love you more
Than those bitches before
Say you’ll remember, oh baby, say you’ll remember
I will love you till the end of time

He went out every night
And baby that’s alright
I told you that no matter what you did i’d be by your side
Cause Ima ride or die
Whether you fail or fly
Well shit, at least you tried.
But when you walked out that door, a piece of me died
I told you I wanted more-but that not what I had in mind
I just want it like before
We were dancin all night
Then they took you away- stole you out of my life
You just need to remember….

Will love you till the end of time
I would wait a milion years
Promise you’ll remember that your mine
Baby can you see through the tears?
Love you more
Than those bitches before
Say you’ll remember, oh baby, say you’ll remember
I will love you till the end of time
Forget the hype, the fact that she might be a well packaged product and/or a poor little rich girl… or even that it sounds like a million other things including Mazzy Star. It’s a great catchy track and I love it.
Anyway, so here we are / it’s the end of december and one of the tracks I thought of covering was Leonard Cohen’s “Famous Blue Raincoat”. I have a deep voice but he’s over a billion floors above me in the tower of song. Plus I promised myself I wouldn’t sing any sad songs. I’ll just post them.It’s four in the morning, the end of December
I’m writing you now just to see if you’re better
New York is cold, but I like where I’m living
There’s music on Clinton Street all through the evening.

I hear that you’re building your little house deep in the desert
You’re living for nothing now, I hope you’re keeping some kind of record.

Yes, and Jane came by with a lock of your hair
She said that you gave it to her
That night that you planned to go clear
Did you ever go clear?

Ah, the last time we saw you you looked so much older
Your famous blue raincoat was torn at the shoulder
You’d been to the station to meet every train
And you came home without Lili Marlene

And you treated my woman to a flake of your life
And when she came back she was nobody’s wife.

Well I see you there with the rose in your teeth
One more thin gypsy thief
Well I see Jane’s awake —

She sends her regards.
And what can I tell you my brother, my killer
What can I possibly say?
I guess that I miss you, I guess I forgive you
I’m glad you stood in my way.

If you ever come by here, for Jane or for me
Your enemy is sleeping, and his woman is free.

Yes, and thanks, for the trouble you took from her eyes
I thought it was there for good so I never tried.

And Jane came by with a lock of your hair
She said that you gave it to her
That night that you planned to go clear

My face is finished
my body’s gone
and I can’t help but think
standin’ up here in all this applause
and gazin’ down at all the young and the beautiful
with their questioning eyes
that I must above all things love myself
Nick Cave just pulled the plug on Grinderman, his horny/sleazy side-project that released 2 albums and toured for the last few years.I saw a girl in the crowd
I ran over I shouted out
I asked if I could take her out
but she said that she didn’t want to

I changed the sheets on my bed
I combed my hair across my head
I sucked in my gut and still she said
that she just didn’t want to

I read her Eliot and I read her Yeats
I tried my best to stay up late
I fixed the hinges on her gate
but still she just never wanted to

I bought her a dozen snow white doves
I did her dishes in rubber gloves
I called her honey bee, I called her love
but she just still didn’t want to
she just never wants to

Damn!

I sent her every type of flower
I played the guitar by the hour
I patted her revolting little chihuahua
but still she just didn’t want to

I wrote a song with 100 lines
I picked a bunch of dandelions
I walked her through the trembling pines
but she just even then didn’t want to
she just never wants to

I thought I’d try another ‘tack
I’d drink a liter of cognac
I threw her down upon her back
but she just laughed and said she just didn’t want to

I thought I’d have another go
I called her my little whore
I felt like Marcel Marceau must feel when
she said that she just never wanted to
she just didn’t want to

I got the no pussy blues
When you think sleaze and horniness, Prince comes to mind of course. Here’s one of his sexiest tracks off Purple Rain.I knew a girl named Nikki
I guess u could say she was a sex fiend
I met her in a hotel lobby
Masturbating with a magazine
She said how’d u like 2 waste some time
And I could not resist when I saw little Nikki grind

She took me 2 her castle
And I just couldn’t believe my eyes
She had so many devices
Everything that money could buy
She said sign your name on the dotted line
The lights went out
And Nikki started 2 grind

Nikki

The castle started spinning
Or maybe it was my brain
I can’t tell u what she did 2 me
But my body will never be the same
Her lovin’ will kick your behind
Oh, she’ll show u no mercy
But she’ll sho’nuff sho’nuff show u how 2 grind

Oh, give me a noose I can hang from the tree
I need no excuse to end my misery
this holiday season is all the more reason to die.Oh, pull up a stool and an ear to a fool
once found some solace in the season of yule
this holiday season is all the more reason to cry.

I put on my mittens, one green and one red
and I walk alone where they bury the dead
the snow falls as I breath its a death rock
christmas eve.

The bottle is empty,
the sleigh has a flat,
the striper in my bed is ugly and fat,
her tassles are tangled and what’s worse – my jingle won’t jangle.

This time of the year makes me sick to my guts
all this good cheer is a pain in the nuts
when it’s your career to be down in the dumps
tidings of comfort and joy really suck.

I feel like St. Nicolas is pulling my leg
this thing we call christmas is a sorry black plague
this holiday season is….
… all the more reason to die

This song is actually by a band called Porn Orchard, who impersonate Tom Waits and Peter Murphy (Bauhaus). It’s called “This Holiday Season” but has been circulating under the name “Christmas sucks”. For more info click here. You can try to find the original album on Amazon or you can just download a lo-res version here.
However Tom Waits did sing the most famous Christmas tune as advertised on this German compilation
But it doesn’t really convey the mood I’m in. I think Monty Python‘s Eric Idle put it best in the following song.Fuck Christmas!
It’s a waste of fucking time
Fuck Santa
He’s just out to get your dime,
Fuck Holly and Fuck Ivy
And fuck all that mistletoe
White-bearded big fat bastards
Ringing bells where e’er you go
And bloated men in shopping malls
All going Ho-Ho-Ho
It’s fucking Christmas time again!

Fuck Christmas
It’s a fucking Disney show
Fuck reindeer
And all that fucking snow
Fuck carols
And fuck Rudolph
And his stupid fucking nose
And fucking sleigh bells tinkling
Everywhere you fucking goes
Fuck stockings and fuck shopping
It just drives us all insane.
Go tell the elves
To fuck themselves
It’s Christmas time again!
Yes I’m a mean Grinch, grouch, whatever you want to call me.
Can’t stand the potlatch, the traffic, the “festive” mood and the extra weight you gain during the holiday season… The next ten days will really be the Nightmare Before Christmas!

I just moved. It’s weird. Tonight’s my first night in a new bed, in a new room in a new flat with flatmates (!!).
I don’t know why I just remembered an ad: There are no old Porsches, Just new owners…
Anyway… the internet connexion isn’t as fast but change is always a good thing, or so they say.People movin’ out
People movin’ in
Very catchy track that samples the opening line from The Temptations’ Ball Of Confusion (That’s What The World Is Today)People movin’ out
People movin’ in
Why, because of the color of their skin
Run, run, run, but you sho’ can’t hide
An eye for an eye
A tooth for a tooth
Vote for me, and I’ll set you free
Rap on brother, rap on
Well, the only person talkin’
‘Bout love thy brother is the preacher
And it seems,
Nobody is interested in learnin’
But the teacher
Segregation, determination, demonstration,
Integration, aggravation,
Humiliation, obligation to our nationBall of Confusion
That’s what the world is today

The sale of pills are at an all time high
Young folks walk around with
Their heads in the sky
Cities aflame in the summer time
And, the beat goes on

Air pollution, revolution, gun control,
Sound of soul
Shootin’ rockets to the moon
Kids growin’ up too soon
Politicians say more taxes will
Solve everything
And the band played on
So round ‘n’ round ‘n’ round we go
Where the world’s headed, nobody knows
Just a Ball of Confusion
Oh yea, that’s what the wold is today

Fear in the air, tension everywhere
Unemployment rising fast,
The Beatles’ new record’s a gas
And the only safe place to live is
On an indian reservation
And the band played on
Eve of destruction, tax deduction
City inspectors, bill collectors
Mod clothes in demand,
Population out of hand
Suicide, too many bills, hippies movin’
To the hills
People all over the world, are shoutin’
End the war
And the band played on.
This Motown song was released in 1970! The lyrics are still completely relevant (except for The Beatles’ new record bit… But who’d have said that we’d see the Beach Boys’ Smile Sessions in 2011?!)
Let’s stick with this song a little bit longer. A few years ago, I went cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs / I mean mashups. Here’s Go Home Productions’s Rolling Confusion
I think you can still download it here. It mixes the Temptations with the Stones’ Gimme Shelter and Street Fighting man.
Which reminds me: go download this live album now. Street Fighting Man is particularly exceptional.
It showcases one of the Stones’ unsung heroes Mick Taylor who left the band shortly after that tour, and as my dear friend Serge says: it feels like some proto-post-punk at the end / Gang of Four, any one?
OK, I’m getting tired. this connexion is making blogging a real achievement. Hint hint nudge nudge flatmates: we need to move on up! bandwidth-wise in this case…

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All of the MP3s uploaded onto audiogrammes.com are for sampling purposes only... If you're an artist or represent one and would like me to take down a song, just send me an email on audiogrammes at audiogrammes.com and I will obviously comply.