Our "Stand By Me",-- part2

600

23

1

English

May 17, 2012 11:00

We had decided to go on an adventure. The problem was that we didn't know what to do.We discussed it. It needed to be something remarkable, great and cool.But we, 11 years old and in the 5th grade at that time, couldn’t come up with a good idea.

First Shuzo brought up the idea of cycling along the Yamanote Line. One time around the Yamanote Line is approximately forty kilometers. I was enthusiastic about the plan. But Kazuyoshi strongly oppose to the idea of physical activity. He advocated that adventure doesn't always mean physical activity. He said that cycling along the Yamanote Line was boring and far from cool.

Next Kazuyoshi brought up the idea of participating in a live quiz show on TV. I was also enthusiastic about the plan. But Shuzo strongly opposed the idea of testing our trivia knowledge. He insisted that participating in a live quiz show was not dynamic, far from great.

Then I brought up the idea of testing our courage by going to a nearby graveyard. There was a rumor in the neighborhood that a ghost appeared night after night there.But Shuzo and Kazuyoshi denied my plan saying that we could not go out late at night. They thought that our parents would pick up on the fact that we were up to something strange.

We woke up to the fact that making it a "secret” would turn our adventure into a real one.

We become convinced that the most important point to make this project remarkable was the fact that it would be done in deep secrecy, especially from our parents.

ところで①One time around～： ～１周②This plan got in right with me.： 大いに気に入った。③We woke up to the fact～：その事実が～と気がついた。はっとした。悟った。って感じでいいですか？特に２番目が好きです。直訳ならその計画がまさしくぼくたちを取り込んだ。？これすごいねすごいね。こういうふうにさらっとgetを使ってみたいんだけどな。

But we, 11 years old in the 5th grade at that time, couldn’t come up with a good idea.

But we, 11 years old and in the 5th grade at the time, couldn’t come up with a good idea.

This plan got in right with me.

I was enthusiastic about the plan.

But Kazuyoshi strongly oppose to the concept of physical activity.

But Kazuyoshi strongly opposed the idea of physical activity.

He advocated that adventure was not always meant physical activity.

He advocated that adventure doesn't always mean physical activity.

Cycling along the Yamanote Line was boring and far from cool.

He said that cycling along the Yamanote Line was boring and far from cool.

This plan also got in right with me.

I was also enthusiastic about the plan.

But Shuzo strongly oppose to the concept of testing of knowledge amount.

But Shuzo strongly opposed the idea of testing our trivia knowledge.

was opposed to or opposed XYZI think oppose an idea sounds better than oppose a concept...

Then I brought up the idea of testing our courage by going a nearby graveyard.

Then I brought up the idea of testing our courage by going to a nearby graveyard.

There was a rumor in the neighborhood that a ghost appeared on in the night after night there.

There was a rumor in the neighborhood that a ghost appeared night after night there.

But Shuzo and Kazuyoshi denied my plan with the pretext that we could not go out late at night.

But Shuzo and Kazuyoshi denied my plan saying that we could not go out late at night.

Pretext is used when you do something in order to do something else

http://corpus2.byu.edu/coca/the faucet with my elbow and filled the water bottles I had brought as my pretext for getting out of the car. On the gravel outside, I rinsed off3 2011 NEWS CSM A B C . # The Russian government should resist the temptation to use these attacks as a pretext to crack down further on civil liberties, make elections more difficult, and tighten4 2011 NEWS CSM A B C in Afghanistan and Iraq. " Now it is Libya's turn, under the pretext of protecting the peaceful population. But in bomb strikes it is precisely the civilian5 2011 ACAD AmerScholar A B C and Frost much additional firepower, it gave Lyon exactly what he needed: a pretext. # IN THE EARLY AFTERNOON of May 9, a handsome barouche with a6 2011 ACAD Commentary A B C request for Pollard's release, his unfortunate example will always be exploited as a pretext to justify those enemies of Israel and other anti-Semites who wish to wrongly impugn the7 2011 ACAD HistoryToday A B C into such a condition as to inspire respect, I shall seize the first best pretext to declare war against Austria, dissolve the German Diet, subdue the minor states8 2010 SPOK PBS_NewsHour A B C (CROSSTALK) JIM-LEHRER: Some by name, some unnamed. (CROSSTALK) DAVID-BROOKS: And the pretext among many of the comments is, OK, we lost. (LAUGHTER) MARK-SHIELDS:9 2010 FIC Bk:RemotestMansions A B C Arthur had waited until Maria went home, then presented himself to Batista under the pretext of needing to resolve a question about the deed to his crumbling house. Batista10 2010 FIC Commentary A B C the kite when it was finally ready to fly. At first, under the pretext of showing Paul how to do it, Alan flew the kite himself while Paul11 2010 FIC RecContempFic A B C it wouldn't fall prey to wild animals. But maybe that was just a pretext. Maybe he wanted to see his son one last time, to be assured

They alleged that it would let our parents pick up the fact that we would be doing something strange.

They alleged that it would our parents would pick up on the fact that we were doing something strange.

We woke up to the fact, "Secret!” It must have made our adventure a real one.

We woke up to the fact that making it a "secret” would turn our adventure into a real one.

We become convinced that the most important point to make this project remarkable was the fact that it would be done in deep secrecy, especially to our parents.

We became convinced that the most important point to make this project remarkable was the fact that it had to be done in deep secrecy, especially from our parents.

secrecy fromWhat do you mean by remarkable?

In the heat of argument our plan began to take shape.

In the heat of our argument, our plan began to take shape.

Your story was very well-written. I did my best to make corrections, but I don't understand your word choice for "remarkable, great and cool". Do you mean that you wanted this trip to be something that would stand out forever in your memory?

No. My correction was missing a word. "They alleged that it would let our parents pick up on the fact that we were doing something strange" is what I meant to write. Your original sentence had would twice. It doesn't sound right.

I also don't think allege is the best choice for a verb here. It sounds sort of like legalese...

"They thought that our parents would pick up on the fact that we were up to something" would sound more natural when talking about kids.

Entries by Month

Report this entry

Spam entry

We had decided to go on an adventure. The problem was that we didn't know what to do.
We discussed it. It needed to be something remarkable, great and cool.
But we, 11 years old and in the 5th grade at that time, couldn’t come up with a good idea.
First Shuzo brought up the idea of cycling al