Category Archives: Music

Even though we can always find much to celebrate heading into the Christmas season, it’s still really easy to get caught up in the craziness and stress out instead isn’t it?

For instance, in preparation for the baby’s arrival we are getting new carpet in the bedrooms and replacing the tile in the hall bath…

all happening next week.

Which means our dining room and garage are holding all the items from the baby room and bathroom so we (or rather, my hubby, family, and friends) can paint the nursery and prime/texture/paint the bathroom this weekend.

I was so proud that I was totally keeping my cool about all the bins and boxes stored around the house.

In fact, our living room still looked normal and we even had the tree decorated!

And then half the lights when out on the tree.

Thinking this was something I could handle fixing on my own, I set about replacing the burned out bulbs.

Pretty much as soon as I could walk, I started making up song and dance routines, ♬ grabbing my glue stick “microphone”, 🎤and roping my younger brother into running pyrotechnics (throwing leaves in the background 🍁) for my outdoor “shows.”

So my parents dutifully enrolled me in dance and piano lessons…

And I got kicked out of my dance class.

I am seriously uncoordinated and despite my best efforts it was becoming painfully obvious that I couldn’t keep up.

(That is still a bit of a sore spot for me.)

Piano lessons were a bit more successful, but there was always a girl my age who was better than me.

“Sally” (name changed to protect the innocent) always seemed to learn music faster and play it prettier.

I could never “win” because she was better.

Even though I enjoyed music, it just felt like if I couldn’t be the best it was wrong to even try. 🎹

I stopped and started lessons many times as I struggled with this feeling of inadequacy. <SIGH>

The constant comparison was exhausting.

IS exhausting.

Because (as much as I hate to admit it) I’m still doing this today.

Someone’s business is more successful, they have a better website, more likes on Facebook….

I should try this new tip, do that fancy trick, buy this new software, etc.

This was the wake up call I needed to snap out of it, step away, and talk to God:

Don’t set people up as experts over your life, letting them tell you what to do.

Save that authority for God; let him tell you what to do.

If you’re content to simply be yourself, your life will count for plenty.

~ excerpted from Matthew 23, The Message

There will always be a metric to measure success and find ourselves not good enough.

He had a favorite part in the song and he had finally gotten to it. So he paused to announce it proudly.

That’s how I feel in my life right now. Like the last few years of struggle to become parents were a long, hard passage in a song. And now, here comes the pretty part! The light after that long dark tunnel.

We wouldn’t appreciate the “pretty” parts if it wasn’t for the difficult parts. So I’m thankful for EVERY part of this journey.

And that’s why I chose “It is Well” for the Facebook live this morning.

One of the many things I realized is that I was holding so tightly to the way I thought this had to happen. Lost in all the appointments, calendars, and alarms I started to think I had control over the outcome.

No surprise, it wasn’t happening as scheduled. I got a really strong reminder to

Release meant that we took a break this summer to travel and recover emotionally from all of the ups and downs we had been through.

When we returned, we felt we were supposed to try again, and decided to tell no one.

Releasing the need to share and instead lean on each other and our faith.

The week leading up to our embryo transfer was also VBS at our church. Every day of that week I sung these simple yet powerful words with the children…

​So when I wrote some new song lyrics in my journal earlier this year, I decided to share it with some kids at church first. ⛪️

I figured they would be honest, helpful, and if we decided it was no good I could quickly distract them with something else and pretend it never happened. 😬

Together, we figured out a melody line for the chorus that was simple and catchy, ♫​ they each shared something they were afraid of and then we all shouted “God’s Got It!” for the verse, 🙌 and then they came up with some great motions! 🕺

All this week I’ve found myself saying, “I have no idea where this is going but I’m committed to creating it.” (In reference to an album I’m recording for people dealing with infertility.)

Which is especially funny given a recent driving mistake I made.

After leaving an awesome conference in Columbia, SC I planned to meet up with my husband and start our anniversary road trip.

My husband flew into Charleston.

I drove to pick him up…..in Charlotte.

So clearly not knowing where I’m going is something that crops up in many areas of my life. And yet it doesn’t stop me from driving around….

In my defense I was exhausted, the first 5 letters of both cities are the same, and they are both an hour and a half away from Columbia.

Thankfully my husband saw the humor in it (eventually) and we had an excellent vacation once I found him.

Trust me, I’m an excellent driver…..I just need to be pointed in the right direction.

Sometimes multiple times.

And maybe that’s where project is teaching me. All I need to do is create, and allow the idea to point me in the right direction.

Speaking of creating and letting the project lead the way, I’d like to include some more singers as a part of this process. Would you (or someone you know) be interested in an online singing experiment?

Would it make sense if I told you I’ve been in the middle of a soul growth spurt?

That’s the only way I can describe what this feels like…the constant anticipation, excitement and disappointment that has been the “Adventure In Fertility.”

In other words, an exercise that is building my patience muscle. <sigh>

At least with bootcamp there was a definite end in sight.

Because I believe in the power of music to help us heal, I am creating a collection of songs that acknowledges this unique pain. Instead of ignoring it (which hasn’t helped) I’m going to give it a voice. And as it helps me through, maybe it can help you too.

This is a taste of what I hope to create….music that acknowledges the darkness and leads to light.

You need encouragement to match the intensity of the challenge you’re facing. ~ Rob Bell