“Every time I fly and am forced to remove my shoes, I’m grateful Richard Reid is not known as the Underwear Bomber.” Douglas Manuel, aerospace executive regards airport security. Reported in USA Today, 13 March, 2003.
“I would like my steak cooked medium-rare and if that could come with a side of mushrooms that would be great.”
“Anything else?”

“Please tell the chef to make it speedy, I only have a couple of hours until I land.”
Land? Yes, I wrote land and no, I didn’t make a mistake.

By October this year, a conversation like this will take place on select flights by Etihad Airways. That’s because the Abu Dhabi-based airline will be providing their passengers with a private chef! OK, it won’t be in my price range ... ever, but I commend Etihad Airways for tackling one of the worst experiences on a plane: the food.

By year-end the airlines expects to have EVERY flight with Diamond First Class cabins supplied with chefs trained by IKA culinary gold medallist Thomas Ulherr, catering to their clients’ whims.
Ahhh to have the cash.
But at least the airline is trying, right? Look, I know that the airlines have been going through a tough time with volcanoes exploding in Iceland and fuel prices going up. It’s hard to feel sorry for them, though, when despite that, last year the industry made $18 billion! Even with a predicted 78 percent decline in profits this year, the industry will make $4 billion.

Maybe the decline is due to natural disasters. Maybe it’s fuel. Or maybe it’s time, like Etihad Airlines, to make customers feel welcome again? Which brings me to my Rock Fever column this week: ten things I would put on a plane (besides a private chef).

My list would start with number one: a buffet. Hey, I don’t need a private chef, but why not have food on offer for me to get out of my seat and pick what I want. A buffet would eliminate the annoying food carts while ensuring that passengers get out of their seats (if not ensuring making it more likely). Deep vein thrombosis? Not if you make them walk!

Number two on Air Skinner: a children’s section. Yep, keep those tots in their own little world and away from the rest of us who would like to be able to read, watch a film or sleep without being interrupted by screaming, people pacing up and down the aisle or kicks to the back of our chair. Look, I am sure I don’t get it; I don’t have kids. I’m sure it’s hard to travel with the ankle biters, but wouldn’t you be happier if there was a section you could all commiserate and maybe the kids could play together? Better, no?

Stress. Yes, many people try to board a plane to escape the stress, but instead almost throw themselves out of one because of the security stress. So my Air Skinner wish number three is: onboard massage chairs. Forget those boring, hard chairs that grate the back. Why not install those lovely chairs that would knead out any problems in the back and neck?! AHHHHH.
Number four: for people who board a plane for work would it really hurt airlines to install a place to charge my computer/iPod/etc ...? Look, if I’m on a plane for 12 hours, at some point I will want and need to charge a computer. I understand that this exists in first class, but would it hurt to have it in the regular people’s area too?

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