Seal it with a kiss xxx

So there you are, at the realisation that this ‘relationship’ is not working out. You are not getting your needs meet and it’s time to say goodbye.

I have found myself in this situation recently and I thought about exactly how I want to go about ending things. What do I want to say and what is the impact going to have on the other person and myself?

I ask myself what kind of world I want to live in. A place where people treat each other with love and compassion or a place where we get to blame and shame each other for just being who we are? Let’s face it, we are not going to be compatible with everyone and how dull would that be!

I can tell my ex how I did not like it when he didn’t introduce me to his friends at the party, how that made me feel insignificant. I could mention the lack of phone calls in the last few weeks and how this makes me feel unloved and neglected. I can talk about the way he puts his social life first over me or many other things…

We can have another discussion about the rights and wrongs of dating and how my way is the way it should be, and I should know I’m a dating coach!!

I can make him feel bad for a lot of his habits and behaviours that I have not liked in the past. He will no doubt feel sad, rejected and wrong. Is this what I am aiming for?

Alternatively, I can start by thanking him for the lovely times we have shared. I will tell him what a great guy I think he is and I will always want to say ‘hi’ if we meet again, (all true). I can gently explain that I don’t want to do the ‘relationship’ thing anymore and that it does not work for me. I don’t really need to go into the whys and wherefores; I may remind him how different we are and that we are looking for different things in life right now.

When we say goodbye with love and kindness we are filling our hearts with love and warmth instead of sadness and anger. The receiver also gets to experience this feeling of being cared and being seen.

When a bird flies away from its nest having been nurtured and loved, the chances are its future homes will mirror this experience.

Allow yourself to choose love and tenderness when you say good bye to a lover, after all, isn’t this how you want to welcome in your future?