The Annual Bloggers Bash Competition will be closing this Sunday and your opportunity to win some fabulous prizes will cease if you haven’t entered. This year’s theme, to recognise this is the fifth anniversary of the first Bash, is

Five

Please follow this link for the rules and entry form. And if you need some inspiration here is a short story to send you on your way

Five

Martin Nonplussed hated his Aunt Etherea with a passion born of her passive-aggressive put-downs and constant tormenting.

After a cup
of tea and a quick wipe with some convenient unguent, he took the pocket book
to the Bank. The Manager, a droopy dyspeptic man called Undulate told him the
current balance: fourteen pounds thirty-five pence. ‘There’s a safety deposit
box, too.’

The box was
encouragingly large and crammed with notes. Five pound notes. Mr Undulate whistled.
‘Haven’t seen these since I were a kiddie.’ A pause, then, ‘Shame the old lady didn’t
get them changed.’

The notes,
some seventy-one thousand, had ceased to be legal tender in 1961.

‘You might
get a few quid at a dealer,’ Mr Undulate said helpfully.

Martin filled
his shopping bag and returned to his Aunt’s house (rented, he now realised). He
stared at his Aunt’s waxy and disturbingly scented corpse – the unguent hadn’t been
a good call – sighed, and fetched the wheelbarrow.

In life, his
Aunt had been many things he would have liked to have changed but there was one
characteristic he found himself grateful for; her remarkable degree of desiccation.
Combining her former fortune and her natural flammability he created a
spectacular bonfire. The informal and no doubt illegal cremation lasted seventy
one minutes. As the last of her rayon bloomers fizzled to an unnaturally bright
neon green conclusion, Martin stomped on the ash pile and filled the barrow.
Tomorrow, when she was cool, he would feed his aunt to his roses. Perhaps, at
last, she would prove herself some use.

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About TanGental

My name is Geoff Le Pard. Once I was a lawyer; now I am a writer. I've published four books - Dead Flies and Sherry Trifle, My Father and Other Liars, Salisbury Square and Buster & Moo. In addition I have published three anthologies of short stories and a memoir of my mother. More will appear soon. I will try and continue to blog regularly at geofflepard.com about whatever takes my fancy. I hope it does yours too.
These are my thoughts and no one else is to blame. If you want to nab anything I post, please acknowledge where it came from.