Social Good

Bullying: Abuse Goes Digital and Finally Meets Its Match

Sometimes I wonder where the Internet was when I needed it in 1973. Like many of my nerd and geek compatriots, I was the victim of schoolyard bullying. There was no social media or personal computers back then, so bullies relied on brute force. I must say: It was very effective.

I was reminded of those days by Instagram’s new #AwkwardYears campaign, which launched as part of October’s National Bullying Prevention Month: People take Instagram photos of themselves holding pictures of their former, bully-baiting selves. I could relate to that. As a child and teen, I was everything a bully desired: thin, small, weak and smart. If a bully was metal, I was their magnet.

Bullying is as old as humankind. In history class, they called bullies “dictators.” In film and literature, they’ve long been a popular archetype, but rarely did anyone ever side with bullies (unless they were misunderstood and ripe for transformation). In real life, however, most people are so afraid of bullies that, while not actually siding with them, they would often gather to see the bully pummel his latest victim. They weren’t really cheering on the violence as much as protecting themselves. No one else wanted to catch the bully’s eye.

A New Day for Bullies

In our current knowledge-economy era, bullies still exist, but they’ve gone underground. I did a little anecdotal survey of anti-bullying books written between 1964 (a totally arbitrary year) and today. Prior to 1989, it was difficult to find any books with the word “bullying” in the title. There are thousands of references to bullying in academic papers and books about broader topics — just nothing exclusively dedicated to "bullying." (I only found this scholarly tome, which is available in libraries.) Things started to change in the late 1980s and early 1990s; but it was really at the end of the last century — just as the Internet was truly taking off — that the number of books on bullying exploded.

This heightened awareness changed society's perspective on bullying. When I was growing up, my father — with the foresight of a survivor — assured me that I would be picked on in school, and advised me to simply stand up to the leader. I’m sure you can guess how that turned out. It’s unlikely any modern parent would say something similar.

As the 20th century ended, the message was clear: Bullying is not a fact of life, and it could and should be stopped.

By then, as an adult with small children of my own, I watched these developments with some skepticism. In my heart, I still believed my children would be bullied: I come from a long line of victims, and am convinced real bullies can smell fear. Even so, the fact that bullying was not at all cool — or, by the time my kids hit grade school, even remotely tolerated — was a remarkable cultural shift.

For a moment, I believed I had witnessed the end of bullying.

Welcome Back

What I did not anticipate was the impact of the Internet and, especially social media, on bullying.

I can’t decide if bullies are born or made, but I do know that whether or not they’re operating in public, bullies will always exist. So imagine what it was like for them after nearly a decade of diminishing outlets for their anger and abuse — all that pent-up bullying has to go somewhere.

It turns out that social media gave your run-of-the-mill bully an outlet, as well as something they never had before: anonymity. As a child, I thought bullies got the dual pleasure of seeing me cry and having everyone know that they were the scariest people on the playground. Name recognition meant something to my tormentor Charles, who would just as soon poke you in the eye as he would look at you.

Today’s bullies, though, know that the risks of being known are simply too great. Cyberbullies can attack online — via Facebook, Tumblr, Keek, Instagram, Snapchat and more — without anyone else seeing their dirty work or, if they mask their online identity, without the victim even knowing who they are.

Social-media attacks are, in some ways, completely different from what I experienced, and in other ways, are all too familiar. Aside for the occasional filmed beat down, most of these attacks are completely devoid of physical violence: They are mostly verbal or written attacks. Old-school bullies favored violence. Cyberbullies use words to paint especially painful pictures.

I would also argue that social media sometimes encourages gang behavior. Instead of one bully, we have ten or more. Instead of the natural bully, we have the casual joiner — weak-minded souls who follow the pack.

If you’re 13, or even 18, you’re what I like to call a digital native. You grew up in a digital world, surrounded by technology. You’re a citizen of the web, and a social-media user. You may also be a follower and part of the pack.

Remember those kids I told you about? Not the bully — the ones who gathered around to watch. They’re still around today, but instead of standing by wordlessly, watching while you get beaten, they step in and add a kick of their own. One cyberbully calls a teenage girls a "slut” on Facebook, and before you know it, others are joining in, verbally tearing down the victim in the most public (at least to her peers) way.

Suddenly, everyone has the potential to be a cyberbully and, like before, few of us are brave enough to stand up — even digitally — and just say “no.”

Things Have Changed

Bullies will never, ever truly go away. They will always seek their path, their entry point to your soft, emotional underbelly. Social media is simply that latest avenue. The difference between then and now is that it's actually cool (and even fun) to be a nerd or geek, and the fight against bullies in the real world and online has become an actual movement, resulting in anti-bullying months like this one, and campaigns such as Instagram's. The same platform that makes it so easy for bullies to casually attack their victims is helping to spread the anti-bullying message like wildfire. Bullies, whether they’re born or simply followers, can no longer hide in plain sight.

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