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Strange Religious Signs in the Midwest

When I went on this trip, I'd been planning to do a Midwestern follow-up to my Strange Religious Imagery in my Neighborhood piece. But alas, Midwesterners don't go much for floridly weird religious imagery. (At least, not in the part of the Midwest where we were.)

They do, however, go for some interesting religious language. So I thought I'd share with you my twisted version of vacation snaps: Strange Religious Signs in the Midwest. (We actually had a genuinely good time on our trip: my family is cool and fun as well as godless, and there's much about the Midwest that is deeply peaceful and beautiful. I do in fact love it, and get mad when people dismiss it as "flyover country." But this is what I was doing with my camera instead of shooting pretty trees and houses. There's something deeply wrong with me, I know.)

One in a long series of "America is God's special country" theocracy signs. We were traveling on the Fourth of July weekend, so this theme was all over the church signs like a cheap suit. I didn't even bother to photograph most of them.

"May the Fourth Be With You" (St. John Roman Catholic Church; not sure what town, somewhere near Galesburg if not in it)

Yet another in the "patriotic Christianity" series. With an "out of date pop- culture pun to inject some humor and please the kids" thrown in for good measure.

Not a particularly unusual sentiment, I know. What struck all of us about this one was the arrogance of presuming to speak for God. What exactly does a pastor think when he puts up a sign like this... and signs it, "God"?

I'm not quite sure what the point here is. It could be, "Your divine buddy Christ is here with you and will get you into Heaven forever, therefore your pain is no big deal." But it could also be, "Christ's suffering on the cross was more horrific and ghastly than you could imagine, so quit whining about your own petty pain, and have some gratitude for his sacrifice. If it's the former, then my reaction is pretty much, "Screw you for trivializing my pain." If it's the latter... then ditto. With an added helping of, "If I hit myself on the hand with a hammer enough times, does that give me moral authority over you? I didn't ask Christ to hang himself on a cross for three days, so screw him for using it to try to guilt trip me into obedience." And with just a dash of, "Ew."

"Do You Truly Know God?" (Galva Assembly of God again; return trip)

At last -- a church sign with a clear question that I can answer. My reply to that would be have a big, fat, unequivocal, "No." Glad we could get that one settled. (I am curious about this one. Is the point that we don't truly know God but the church does... or that none of us truly knows God and it's arrogant to think that we do? I like to think that it's the latter. Although given the blind certainty of the church's previous "God Has Blessed America Let America Bless God!" message, I'm not so sure.)

"We See God Every Day. Do You Recognize Him?" (Open Arms Community Church, Kewanee, IL)

Providing a charmingly arrogant contrast to the delicate philosophical questing of "Do You Truly Know God?" I mean, isn't pride one of the seven deadly sins? I've never understood why thinking that you know better than others what God thinks and wants and looks like doesn't qualify.

Brief tangent: This one is even funnier in the context of the church's "1960s drive-in" architecture. While I didn't take pictures of many churches themselves, I had to make an exception for this one.

We see God every day. And he looks like a
roller- skating carhop from "American Graffiti."

We don't bite much. Wow. Do I ever feel welcome here. Especially with the barbed wire. And double especially with the other side of the same sign:

"Hell Is Hotter Probably Windier Too." (ditto)

I think they were probably trying to be funny. With both sides of the sign. But something about this one told us, "Get the picture fast, and then get the frack out of there." I am kind of entertained, though, by a church sign that warns you against the torments of hell by essentially saying, "The weather is even worse than it is in the Midwest!"

Another in the "labored comedy" series. Rather more comical than most. Of course this one immediately makes me want to ask, "If God is perfect, then why did he make his most magnificent creation such bad spellers?"

I think your assessment of this one was a little unfair. It struck me as being a reminder that, if we're supposedly made by some deity or other, there must be a little of that deity in us -- so let's be a little nicer to each other.

I one passed a sign that said: "Life offers many choices, Eternity offers only two."

In other words, limit your choices to the ones their God would have you do, or BURN IN HELL FOR ALL ETERNITY!!!!!!! Now that’s a friendly morning wake-up message. Let’s guilt-trip everyone. Let’s use FEAR as a tool to get people to behave, rather than compassion or empathy.

Are you originally from Galesburg, or does your family just live there now? My father and his family all grew up there, and my grandma lived there until she passed away a couple years ago. Small world.

And yes, midwest church signs are fun. I personally love all the bad puns, those are my favorite.

Jennifurret: I'm not from Galesburg, but I have relatives there, and did throughout my childhood, so I've spent a fair amount of time there. I split this trip between there and Chicago (where I grew up, and where my dad and brother now live). It's a lovely town. I love visiting there. (And yes -- small world indeed!)

Interesting selection of signs. I'm a Star Wars fan (yeah, I know, I'm giving away my age), so I rather liked "May the Fourth be With You."

I'm still trying to figure out the link between conservative Christianity and punning. It may have something to do with the fact that they have to guard their humor closely, lest they inadvertently make an inappropriate or off-color joke. Puns are simple and, often, pretty safe.

I totally grew up in Kewanee and I loved that church (though I didn't attend it). When I go back to the visit the parents it still makes me laugh. It was cool to see you were hanging around the cool part of the midwest.

And for my chuch sign contribution, years back when churches were showing The Passion of the Christ, I drove by a church early one morning on my way to work and the sign said "NOW SHOWING: THE ASS OF THE CHRIST". The sign now has the locking plexiglass over it.