Hail Mary NFL Futures That Will Make Your Sundays 100000x More Fun

First, a little background on my gambling habits. Futures are the fucking move. You can lay down $10-$20 on a rising team to win their division or conference, get crazy odds, and have fun rooting for them all season. Also, your Sunday Scaries will be a little less scary due to the fact that you won’t have to call Daddy every Monday asking for a direct deposit so you can pay off your bookie. Not saying that still won’t happen, but it’s a win-win all around.

Last year I took the Raiders to win the AFC at +2000. My $20 bet would’ve paid out $400, and if Derek Carr’s leg didn’t get crushed I may have had an actual shot at winning the bet. You can say I am a huge Raiders fan now, but not that fond of Carolina and the Jets.

Almost hit Raiders last year…who's it's gonna be this year??? Oh yeah, and don't even ask me about the panthers or jets. Touchy subject. pic.twitter.com/HQHWK4MA9c

Here are some teams this year that could give you a huge payout this year:

Philadelphia Eagles – current odds to win the NFC +1800, and +190 to win the NFC East

I may be a little bias because I am a die hard Birds fan, but they have a killer team on paper. With additions like Alshon Jeffery, Torrey Smith, LeGarrete Blount, and a healthy offensive line, the Birds are looking to do some damage this year. The combination of Fletcher Cox, Brandon Graham, Derrick Barnett, Timmy Jernigan, and Chris Long are going to make QBs shit themselves, and the addition of Ronald Darby makes the team’s secondary good enough to compete.

The NFC East is always a crapshoot, and I personally think the Cowboys are going to shit the bed this year. Carson Wentz, aka Ginger Jesus, is going to have a breakout season with his new weapons and I believe the Birds will take the division.

Winning the whole NFC is a long shot, but at +1800 you can lay $10 down to win $180. Shooters shoot.

Tampa Bay Bucaneers – Current odds to win NFC +1500, and +250 to win NFC East

Yesterday I went off about how Jameis could win MVP and that is something I actually believe. I did fuck one thing up, though, and I forgot to mention the addition of first round pick O.J. Howard. Howard, Desean Jackson, Mike Evans, Doug Martin, and Famous Jameis are going to tear shit up this year. I don’t believe in the Panthers, and I sure as hell don’t believe the Falcons will come close to being as successful as they were last year, which leaves the Bucs to compete with Saints in that shitty division.

The Bucs remind me a lot of the Raiders last year, having a young defense that is on the rise, and an even younger franchise QB that is ready to pop off. Yes they will have to beat tough teams to win the Conference, but thats the point of throwing in Haily Mary-style bets.

Tennessee Titans – Current Odds to win AFC +1500, and +225 to win the AFC South

I have a weird hunch about the Titans this year and I can’t shake it. They are obviously on the rise, but I think they could go very far if their defense shows up. Not to mention, their division is garbage, and I still don’t think the Colts are anywhere close to being legit. Sorry, Andy.

Just like Jameis and Carson, Marcus Mariota is due for a killer season. With the addition of speedster Corey Davis, I could see that duo torching defenses just like Danny Targaryen and Drogon did to the Lannister army and the White Walkers. Sorry not sorry if you’re not caught up.

I already pounded them to take the division at +225 and I’m feeling kinda confident about it. My name is Mookie Bets for a reason, though.

Well, now the choice is yours. I logged in futures for all three of these teams and CANNOT WAIT until the regular season starts. If you sprinkle $10 on each of these teams I can guarantee you will have a fun year of betting, and you wont even come close to getting knocked out by your bookie. Unless you win of course, and then there might be problems.

Tweet me @ConesDeal to discuss, call me out on a fuck-up, or tell me to rot. I don’t care, but what I do care about is making money, and it’s Hail Mary SZN..

Play some fantasy football if you need to gamble to make watching football enjoyable. Don’t waste a dollar on NFL Future picks. Long shots don’t make it past conference championships. NFL & NBA are both top heavy.