Bernice Starnes, the 86-year-old fountain of seasoned wisdom who needs to be the new Judge Judy AND join the Supreme Court, because she was born with “Not The One” tattooed on her and she believes in throwing the entire library at criminals, especially criminals who dare fuck with her.

Pix11 reports that Bernice was sitting in a wheelchair outside of her apartment in the Bronx on Sunday afternoon when a thieving fool snatched her purse right out of her lap and ran off with it. I learned as a youngin’ that if I even looked at my abuelita’s purse for too long, she’d put on all her rings and prepare her slapping hand. Messing with an old lady’s pocketbook is worse than messing with God. God will forgive you, but an old lady never will. The purse-snatching mess obviously never learned that lesson. After the thief stole an old lady’s purse, she took the cash and a bank card and tossed it into the garbage. Thanks to surveillance footage, the dum dum who screwed with the wrong old lady (although, every old lady is the wrong old lady to screw with) was ID’d as Adrianne Terry. Adrianne was arrested on Tuesday and charged with grand larceny and petit larceny.

A reporter from Pix11 talked to Bernice after Adrianne Terry’s arrest and she didn’t back one thought. Memaw Bernice would’ve beat that bitch if she could and she’s hoping the women in prison do it for her:

“She wanted to hurt me, and the bitch don’t even know me! I hope that they beat her ass. Some of the women in prison beat her ass everyday for as long as she’s in there. I’m supposed to feel sorry for that bitch? I don’t!”

“The bitch don’t even know me” is the “I don’t know her” of 2016.

The police officers pooled their money together and gave it to Bernice since her stolen cash was never recovered. She plans to go on a cruise to forget about all the sinful drama that Adrianne Terry brought upon her. But before she does that, Bernice plans to roll into Adrianne Terry’s arraignment. Will every news station please stop covering the stupid damn election and send every cameraperson they have to Adrianne Terry’s arraignment? Because when Bernice throws Adrianne a look that’ll make Lucifer prolapse, I need to see both of their faces from every angle.

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