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Saturday, August 5, 2017

How Do You Become Empowered? Your Glass Casing Awaits Your Response.

How Do We Become Empowered?

Empowered is a word we hear frequently. It suggests strength. Although its connotations are appealing, it often
times feels out of reach. It is like an
exquisite diamond ring casting its sparkle through the glass casings of a
high-priced jewelry boutique. Its
magnificence catches our eye, and for a moment, we wonder what it would feel
like to try it on. How would it transform us? Who could we become? We pause,
allowing ourselves time to think about it. We may even give ourselves
permission to believe a transformation could happen. Then, just as the
brilliant vision of a different way of being begins to descend upon us, it
quickly dissipates.

Why is it that becoming empowered
seems to elude us?

Is it really out of reach or is it a question
of knowing where to find it and how to try it on?

Is it really out of
reach?

The word empowered begins
with a very important prefix – em – which means within and through. Thus, becoming empowered is not something that we obtain from external sourcesnor is itsomething which can be bestowed upon us. Also, it is not a process
which takes us on a never-ending quest for reaching an elusive state of being. On the contrary, becoming empowered requires that we refrain from searching outside ourselves
and remain still. It demands we turn inward where we will find our power,
within and through us.

Over the years working with individuals who entered therapy
because their pain and its accompanying manifestations were no longer
tolerable, I witnessed how their sources of power were drained and depleted, or
they were camouflaged by layers of injury and injustice. And yes, I would provide therapeutic tools
and empathic strategies for assessing and intervening with their brokenness. However,
it was the clients who chose to turn inward, unearthing their truths and
acknowledging their sources of power. For many, this was a belief in a higher
power or a connection with Nature. For others, their source was embedded within
the recollection of a meaningful passage or proverb. For some, it was in the
replaying of soulful music or spirit-filled words. For some individuals, their power emanated from an innate gift, ability, talent, or passion they invested in or pursued. Regardless of its genesis, without exception,
it was the process of claiming each source which brought to life the promise of
becoming empowered. Each time clients chose to trust in themselves
and invest into their sources, their flames of resilience strengthened and took
hold.

Far from being out of
reach,

becoming empowered means courageously reaching for what lies within us.

How do we try it on?

Trying on something new can be tricky. Most of us are our own worst critics. Trying
on something unusual or unfamiliar adds
another layer of uncertainty to the mix.
Trying on something we’ve never imagined seeing ourselves in or believed
we deserved complicates matters even further. Becoming empowered is no different. Thus, becoming empowered requires we try it on, step by step, embracing three
truths.

First Truth

As we begin discovering and tapping into our power within, a
shift starts to take place. We feel
stronger. We feel hopeful. We feel
energized. And, because the newness of it all feels a bit awkward, we begin to
doubt ourselves. Old tapes enter our minds and play their messages. “I’m not good enough. I can’t do this. I feel selfish. I just need to be a better person.” We continue to diminish our potential for
empowerment and dash out the flame within us by caving into a formidable
opponent - shame. Our destructive tapes intensify. “Who am I
kidding? I don’t deserve this! I’m not a
leader…just a follower. I’ll never amount to anything.”

With negative thoughts dousing our potential for power, we
have a choice. We can walk by the glass window showcasing the sparkling
diamond, resenting its presence and releasing its promises. Or, we can pause
and give ourselves permission to try on our first truth.

Becoming empowered means believing we are worthy
of it.

In my career as a middle and high school teacher, I had the
pleasure of connecting with hundreds of students. In the early 90’s, I was teaching English at
a middle school in a challenging neighborhood where students struggled getting
their basic needs met. One female
student, Violet, was extremely gifted in her writing; however, her image and
worth were tied to her gang affiliation. After acknowledging her writing
abilities on several assignments, I approached Violet, offering her mentoring
sessions before school several mornings each week. Although reluctant at first, Violet agreed to
attend. She didn’t miss a session,
diligently honing and perfecting her gift. Over time, we entered several of her
writing pieces into our school publication. As months passed and she continued
progressing, Violet started to change in several ways. Her dark heavy clothing
became a lighter, more feminine style. Her hair and make-up softened. Her prior protective demeanor turned into a warm
gentle aura. Believing she was worthy of it, Violet not only tried on her power,
she claimed it for herself.

Second Truth

One of the mistakes we make when trying on something new is
dismissing it too quickly when it feels uncomfortable or strange. Our fear of failure or not being able to make
it work also feeds our doubts and justifies our giving up. Again, we must
refrain from playing negative tapes and patiently try on our next truth.

Becoming empowered means giving ourselves time to
fit into it.

Just as was true for Violet, other students with whom I had
the honor of teaching and who chose to begin believing in themselves and their
worth were quite wary of difficult choices and changes which they would need to confront. Often times, many students quickly fell back
into old patterns or caved in under pressure from others. However, there were countless students, like
Violet, who gave themselves time to try on their power, a little a time. They grew with it and made adjustments along
the way. Although it was quite dangerous, eventually Violet made the difficult
decision to be “jumped out” of her gang. Following this life change, Violet
found herself navigating through foreign territory; however, she kept her
expectations realistic and learned how to move forward in healthy ways. Most importantly, she gave herself the time
to ease into her new power and to fit comfortably into it.

Third Truth

Lastly, another misjudgment we make when trying on something
new is that we often tether the legitimacy of its presence to external sources
of validation. With our digital social world pressing us from every angle to
produce, perform, and post at an ever-increasing rate, it feels like our power
is measured solely by the traction it receives. If we are not displaying our
power 24/7 in the cyber lanes and drowning out the voices of others, our power
feels false and fleeting. However, authentic power need not reveal itself
through a barrage of boasts. Becoming empowered is not legitimized by
artificial numbers or fake friends or followers. Therefore, after finding our
source within and then giving ourselves time to fit into it, it is essential
that we try on one more truth.

Becoming empowered means allowing its presence to
speak for itself.

As the vortex of social networks pulls us outward and the
noise of messaging reaches peak levels fighting for recognition, we must remain
still. We must continue turning inward, formulating and fortifying our truths
and renewing and refining our power. We
must give ourselves ample time to allow for our power’s authentic integration
into our being - to take hold within us and through us. If we do so, it will stand strong, with or
without external support. If we do so, it will speak for itself.

At the end of 8th grade, Violet participated in the
school’s Promotional Ceremony. Although there were a number of students who received
awards and honors, Violet quietly sat in attendance. When her name was called,
Violet walked confidently across the stage to receive her Certificate. Aside
from a soft cheer from a single mom proud of her daughter for being the first
in the family to graduate 8th grade, the room was quiet. Violet
shook the principal’s hand and descended the stairs. Returning to her assigned seat, Violet looked
up and our eyes met. Bearing witness to the strength behind them, I knew her
self-respect and self-worth were rooted firmly within her and running fully through
her. Violet’s beaming smile showcased their sparkling authenticity. Her empowered
presence spoke for itself.

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About Me

Currently, I work in the field of psychology as a researcher, author, and workshop presenter. Prior to becoming a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I was a teacher of middle and high school students for almost 30 years. One of my greatest rewards in life has been being a mom to my wonderful daughter.

Through my writings or speaking, it is my passion to empower others towards wellness by offering compassionate insights and healing strategies to improve the quality of their lives. Our time here is so short; it is vital that we strive to feel better and live healthier each and every day.