Sunday, 7 June 2015

Was talking to my friend the other day and mentioned about bloggers. She said she doesn't read blogs that promote stuff, only the personal ones. I told her that I don't promote things, but looking back at my recent posts, I've turned into "one of those bloggers" *gasp**sigh*. (not paid to do any of them)

So here's something very personal.

I have a battle with depression.

I'm not writing this to get "are you okay?", "you're so brave", but instead, I want people to know how I got in and out of it.

A lot of factors threw me into the depressed state. Most of them could be settled if I had (a lot more) money, but love and work were the other big contributors.

How I "detected" it

I went to a doctor because I had these "slight tremors" on my hands, and I had a bad chest pain over a period of a few weeks. It was on the left side so my fear was heart related. (I have a bad relationship with meat and oily food). The doctor couldn't find a problem for the chest pain, so he gave me pain killers, twice. And for the tremors he gave me a test for hyperthyroid. The results came out normal and I asked what could be another cause, and he said: anxiety. I was crying every day during that period of time, and every little thing made me tear up. The doctor saw that I wasn't "normal" so he wrote a letter of recommendation for me to see a psychiatrist at PPUM. (You'll need one if you're going to a government shrink). I thought of going to a private psychiatrist, but I after knowing the price/hour, I decided that the bill would throw me deeper into depression.

I procrastinated on going to the psychiatrist because I told myself that I don't need one. (And the fact that they're only available during working hours helped fuel my procrastination). In the end, without realizing it, I got out of the depressed state.

After thinking and looking back, here are a few things that I did to help me crawl out of the pit:

1. Distract yourself

I was stuck with a very negative mindset so I couldn't think straight. Nothing matters anymore and nothing is interesting. If I died, no one would flash across my mind. There was no purpose in life and I was lost.

This part is the hardest to get past, but hang in there.

Find something to distract yourself so that you don't have time to think. Find someone to hang out with. Volunteer somewhere and help others. Watch The Big Bang Theory or Modern Family from season. Let yourself be a couch potato.

2. Don't dwell at a place where you feel sad the most.

For me, it was my room. I stayed back at work, hung out with my bitches. Anything to avoid being at home for long periods of time.

3. Laugh it off. Seriously.

Find something that makes you laugh. Movies, comics, friends, etc. Cocoro introduced this Korean comic to me in an app called Webtoons.

Problems look overwhelming when they gang up on you, but every problem could be broken into smaller problems. If you tear them up, you can solve them. Take baby steps.

Some problems can't be solved in a short time, but you need to come to terms with it. Take it slow. It will be better.

5. Surround yourself with people who genuinely love you

When I went for the worse, only 2 people knew, and I'm glad that I confided in them, because they were the ones who pulled me up from this pit. My sister tried to help but I can't help but push her away. It's not that I don't appreciate her help, it's just that I just can't just welcome everyone in.

Remember to hang out with people who care. There always will be someone who cares.

I'm a lot better now. I have no idea if full recovery is possible, because I still slip into it once in awhile, but when I do, I go back to the "tips" and they (still) work.

Good luck!

That's what J_Fish has to say~ Au Revoir~

p.s. If you know someone who's going through this, the worst thing to say is "cheer up". It's like asking someone who's hungry to "feel full". It doesn't work.

If you're going through this and need someone to talk to but are too shy to admit it to your friends or family, send me an email at jellyfishseawater@gmail.com.

It used to be 5head but now the right side is on the incline (pun intended) toward becoming a 6 head.

I don't want to go bald before I turn 30 can?

Also, I would like to one day be able to tie my hair up like that and not have people ask if my work is really stressful. --_______--lll

The corners go up really high instead of a normal curve. T^T

This means I can't have anything more than 7/3 side parting because it'll show that one side of my hair is really thin, and the balding corners will pop.

I can't have middle parting because my face is not oval enough for it,

and I can't have a square fringe because my scalp is very, very oily.

I wash my hair every morning and by around 1pm, my fringe starts looking greasy like this.

Not exaggerating.

If you know me, you'll know I've basically tried every "safe for work" hairstyle there is because I'm still constantly on the search for a hairstyle that suits me.

I did some googling and found some info and causes on hair loss or (in a fancy way) alopecia. Going to list out a few until I get lazy.

1. 91% of our hair is made up of keratin, a type of protein?

A lack of protein will stop hair growth.

If you suddenly eat a lot less protein (mainly meat, fish, eggs, ), you might face this problem.

2. Stress is a common cause for hair loss

That's why successful people usually have really little hair wtf. =X I'm on my way towards success lol. Feeling stressed will mess up the life cycle of your hair. That's why the new ones don't or are slow in growing, and the old ones fall off.

3. Genetics could be a bitch

What they say IS true. If you want to know how your spouse looks like when they're old, look at their parents, especially when it comes to hair.

4. Weight could be more than you lose

One of the causes for alopecia a.k.a hair loss is dramatic weight loss. If you're suffering from anorexia or bulimia, chances are, hair loss would jump onto the bandwagon of your problems. Your body (and those around you) would be shocked with the dramatic change and it would need around 6 months time to adjust to the situation (talk about a slow reaction).

This company Jonsson Protein says that all our hair problems can be solved with protein. The company uses technology from USA and their own formula to solve hair problems, like male and female pattern baldness, dandruff hair loss, spot baldness, post-natal baldness, menopausal hair loss, premature grey hair and chemically damaged hair.

(seems like woman have to face more of these hair loss problems T^T)

They boast of "Visible results in 1 session" and I'm soooooooooooo ready to try it.

Sponsorship can? =X

I'm so broke I can't bother being shameless anymore.

Might just visit them one day coz they their first trial is only RM28. They provide scalp scan so maybe I can finally find out what my goddang hair problem is. (Hopefully not genetics wtf)

And they have an outlet in Mid Valley and if you don't know yet, I'm working here now.