Picking up the Pieces.

By nature, I’ve very happy. I smile and joke about everything. I am also super positive.

As such, it is very hard on me when I struggle with being depressed.

Fortunately, for me, being depressed manifests in more of an apathetic and listless lifestyle. I just don’t want to do anything. I don’t really have the energy to care. (I think the side result of this is that the people in my life aren’t peppered with so many questions – being nosy, err, I mean curious by nature, I’m all about asking you about you! So, some people have been spared my constant interrogations questions, and they probably welcome the break!)

What my friends probably feel like when I’m on a roll!

Some people would see it as a good thing that I recognize that I’m struggling and taking the steps to correct it. Personally, it drives me nuts that I recognize the issues, as I’d like to just wallow a bit more!! That’s just me being ornery I suppose!

This will not define my life, though. This is a part of what has happened along my journey, so, I have begun moving forward again.

Last weekend I spent time with the family and then down at my Amy’s for an impromptu pool party. This weekend has already been busy. I had lunch with my BA on Friday. He goes “You look… good. Considering.” LOL, Okay, I’ll take that compliment – hey, I’ll take it anytime someone tells me I look good. I know I do – but it’s cool to hear it reinforced! Okay, I jest!

If you don’t know Zoolander by heart, you are missing out!

Friday night my mom treated the girls with a trip to the salon. Okay, this is a funny story. I’m sitting with BA at lunch and my dad calls to see how I’m doing (I had more massive work done on my mouth this week, 4 hours Tuesday and 4 hours Thursday). I assured him I was much better. Then my mom calls. She wanted to see how I was doing. I told her I was good. She then proceeds to tell me that she is meeting my sister and niece at the nail place tonight. They are all going to get mani/pedi’s and have a girls night. It’s my nieces first time, so mom is surprising her with the treat. I told them to have fun, it sounded like a blast.

Mom calls me right back. “I didn’t mean to exclude you! I know you just got your toes done, though.” Yeah, three weeks ago… I told mom that I didn’t feel excluded, it was okay, I wasn’t due for another week. She goes no, I thought you just did them. I reminded her that I had them done the day Lee died, cause it was past due and I couldn’t face the family and friends with nasty toes, but it was okay, they should have fun, I didn’t feel excluded at all. Plus, Mr. T has his theatre banquet tonight, so I had to take him back to school at 6:45. In the end, to satisfy her, I told her that I’d check my budget when I got home, see if my pedicure had come up in the rotation yet, and if so, I’d meet them up there.

I went back to my lunch. Then I got a text from mom… “My treat, I’ll call and change the appointment to 4 people. Dad will take care of Mr. T, just bring him to the house”

So – anyway – that’s how I ended up at the nail salon with the other females in the family. I actually got a manicure! I haven’t had one in like 12 years! There is polish on my fingernails! The only time this happens is at Halloween, and normally you don’t see that unless we are in the dark – cause I love my glow-in-the-dark polish! 🙂

Then I got my toes done.

It was a fun night!

Today we are celebrating Memorial day, my sister’s birthday and Father’s Day all at the same time. With my sister just weeks away from having another baby, it’s getting harder for her to make the hour drive over, so we are doing it all in one fell swoop! I hope there is cake. I want some cake.

Party Time!!

Sunday Mr. T and I are going to a friends house for a pool party – she just got it installed last week, so we all have to go break it in! 🙂 If we didn’t have cake at mom and dad’s, then that’s what I’m taking as my side dish to the party. I want some cake.

Monday, maybe some of dad’s BBQ ribs, or a nice cool movie theatre (still haven’t had time to go see Star Trek!), we haven’t decided yet.

One way or the other, I’m picking up the pieces in my life and moving forward.

Thank you to all of the military men, women and their families that have kept me safe and allowed me the freedoms that I enjoy. I hope everyone has a great Memorial Day weekend.

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9 thoughts on “Picking up the Pieces.”

Your mom sounds very concerned about making sure she didn’t hurt your feelings. It was sweet she ended up saying the salon trip was on her.

I am the opposite when it comes to my nails: it is very unusual for me to not have fingernail polish on! I do it myself, though, unless I want a French manicure and don’t want white polish everywhere but my nail tips 🙂

Kate – you said at the beginning that you are depressed or implied it. Then, you went on and said all these things that you are doing and enjoying (getting toes done – certainly not my thing – yup, I’m not gay – not that there is anything wrong w/it.) Anyway, are you coping, adjusting, avoiding? I’m confused.

I’m feeling depressed and working my best to overcome it and get on with my life. Thus I’ve been out and about and doing my normal stuff. After having spent time with my family yesterday I’ve realized that I’m much further along than I thought I was!

You’ve been through a lot. It seems quite normal that you would be depressed. I am glad being with your family has been so helpful but it seems like you are trying to avoid being sad. In this case, you may need it as part of a grieving process. Okay, I only took 2-3 psychology classes in college, so take the advice for what it is worth.

LOL – it’s good advice – but I can tell you that there is no way I will make it through all of the stages of grief! I don’t mind a little bit of the depression, but it’s against my nature to wallow in it. I think that the hole inside me is just a part of me now. But, today after church T and I went to a friends house for a pool party, and it was good. I have awesome friends and as they needed to talk about it they came up to me today and we were able to talk. It’s good. I do better moving forward. And I do better being happy. Even if I have to fake it until I make it!

After the day with my family I’ve realized that I am so much further along than I thought. Of course, I found Lee, and opened the outer box and got to the inner box and couldn’t do it. Mom said she couldn’t either. I was half afraid I would be me and accidentally drop it and scatter him all over the kitchen floor!