Came home to an angry husband last night and everything I did upset him!

I am SO tired of these episodes. We haven't had one in about 2 months and he's been really good about controlling his anger. We had a great night the night before and he was pleasant in the morning before he left for work so obviously something or someone at work upset him. He acts all nonchalant when I get home like "Oh hey it's you". Yup it's me because it's only us here! Then I take a shower and get out and he proceeds to tell me how much the kittens are annoying him today by running around him while he's on the computer and trying to jump up on his lap. Well let's see...you are the one who wanted to keep all 5 kittens rather than give them away so you have NO right to complain! Of course he turns that around aon me all the time saying "Well you didn't want a dog so we got 5 kittens instead" like it's ALL my fault when I barely wanted one kitten! Then he goes out into the kitchen and says "So we actually have stuff to make tacos?" I said yes that I got some soft taco shells. He goes "You mean tortillas?" all snotty. Yeah same thing. He had to correct me because, as I said, nothing I was doing was right. Then the day before we were out and got home around 5PM. Well he had his car broken into on New Year's Eve and had a set of car keys stolen from it. Well rather than calling a locksmith to get the locks changed (because that requires having to look one up and call!) he parks in the driveway and has been wanting me to park right in front of the driveway to deter anyone from coming and taking off with his car and then every morning he has to move my car before he can leave. Brilliant right! SO much easier than calling a locksmith!. Because if anyone wanted to take his crappy 1995 Subaru that's rusting away, my truck in front of the driveway would deter them. Like they couldn't get in it and drive into the yard and drive away! We get home that night and he parks on the street but not in front of the driveway. I ask him why he isn't parking there and he goes 'Oh it's been 3 weeks, I think it's fine to stop parking there now". Okay. So I get home last night and park along the street just past the driveway. Well he looks out the window last night and without a word to me, grabs my car keys and goes out and backs the truck up about 5 feet so it's in front of the driveway. Comes in all huffy that he had to do that. You JUST said last night we didn't have to do that anymore! I bet if I had parked in front of the driveway he would have gone out there in a huff and moved it off of the driveway and tell me that he TOLD me we didn't have to do that anymore.

Well he spends 1 1/2 hours cooking dinner and playing his video game without a word to me. I go in the kitchen and ask how his day was and get 'How do you THINK it was? Same old sh**, different day!" I opened the fridge and he got upset because he needed to get in it. I threw something in the trash and he got upset because he was headed to throw something in it, I go look out the sliding glass door and he huffs up behind me and stares at me saying "Are you going out or just going to stand there because I need to get out there". Obviously no matter where I was I was going to piss him off because it was EXACTLY where he wanted to be. I go sit in the living room and watch tv. About 10 minutes alter he goes "Dinner is ready. Sorry to make you get off your butt and come and get it but I know how you like to eat. I'm not hungry and am going ot go play video games." Why in the hell did you spend all that time making dinner if you had no intention of eating? We had leftovers and I can feed myself without you having to cook. Then I guess I was supposed to feel bad that he spend ALL that time making ME food.

Sometimes it gets to the point where every benign thing pisses him off. I'll hear "Why can't you put your face wash in the medicine cabinet rather than leave it out?". "Why does that plant have to sit there? It's in the way." "Do you REALLY have to walk that loudly?" "Is it necessary fo you to swallow that loudly?" That didn't happen this time, but I have heard all of that before. He just gets so angry with anything I say or do (or don't say or do) that I have no idea how to be with him. If I speak, he blasts me and if I sit and say nothing he gives me a sarcastic "What's wrong with you?" I can't enjoy anything then because I am so worried about how he's going ot react to anything. I hate living like this when he has these episodes! Now all I can do is sit here at work wondering how he'll be when I get home tonight.

Just checked his clock in time via the web because something told me he either pulled the "I'm leaving for work but not going in" thing or he's coming home early. First off, he tells me last night he has to go in early--3AM. He resets his alarm again and again between 2 and 4. Gets up at 4:30 and is out the door in 5 minutes.I see he didn't clock in until 5:24, which is well past 5AM and way past the 3AM he was supposed to be there for OT. He clocked out at 7:34. Obviously he is pissed about work. This hasn't happened in 4 months and is now happening again. He WAS moving to 2nd shift in a different area in 2 weeks but says he negotiated a deal with his crew that they would start up a 2nd shift in October and he could lead that so he's sticking with this crew until then. He obviously hates his boss and one of his coworkers so I wish he would just move to this other crew and have a better work life.

Comments

What you're describing is the "walking on eggshells" that many of us have to do when dealing with someone who has some kind of issue....not just ADHD. Likely there is also depression, maybe addiction, anxiety, personality disorder, etc.

I have FREQUENTLY been in your shoes. when people say that it takes two to fight, they're WRONG. With these types of people, they can have a fight all by themselves. All you were doing is BREATHING.

We all know that if you hadn't "been in his way" he would have likely criticized you for not being around to answer questions, talk to him, etc. As you saw, when you went into another room to watch TV, he made a nasty comment. If you hadn't watched TV and had stayed in the kitchen, he would have said, "get out of my way, go watch some TV."

Even if you hadn't been home last night, you still would have become the target in some way...either via texts/phone calls, or later when you got home (I made you dinner and you weren't here. You never are home anymore. You're ignoring me. etc) You have become the Whipping Boy. (I know you're a girl...lol) You have become the "safe" target to "hit". He has anger about other things (kittens, work, whatever), and he can't take his anger out at those, so he goes to his EZ and safe target .....YOU.

I don't know how to advise you because I face the same thing....all the time. If I weren't financially tied to my H in a way that can't be untied without total financial devastation (and I'm too old to rebuild finances), I would have left a LONG time ago. My health is beginning to be affected by this.

I don't know how long you've been married, it doesn't sound like you have kids together (or maybe they're grown.) What reason do you stay?

Hello! I have been on this site for many times and now decided to register after seeing Mapper's story. Like so many other times after I've read the wives' stories about their ADHD-husbands, my reaction is pretty much: Hold on, have you been to my living room??? That is a spitting image of my conversation with my husband!! Well...as long as you can call them conversations..he is on Concerta and when and if he won't take it in the morning (happens a lot, just out of stubborness, he says the drug does not make any difference...oh boy..), the conversations are useless. It's like talking with a 13-year-old. He was diagnosed 3 years ago, we have been married for 6 years now and I am so tired of all this. All the forgetfulness and being absent-minded I can somehow tolerate, but it's the mood swings and gloominess I can't take. Yes, it is walking on egg shells. Only today he felt the need to call me a cow and tell me to get lost and fu...ed up because of a tiny issue...it started in the morning (dangerous time of the day, that's when he hasn't taken his pill yet and I need to be very careful what to say not to cause explosions...I know, sounds crazy!!!!). Well, I have put our wedding picture on Facebook even the actual date is tomorrow. He added his comments there like "But it's not that day yet!!"...I know that was supposed to be humor...I said (gently) "Now why did you have to do that?" He exploded!! He said...no, he yelled that I have no sense of humor and I am such a whiner and a loser and it means nothing to him when the date is, that is all just rubbish just like birthdays and Valentine's and so on and so on.....I looked at him with my mouth open...I told him calmly to stop it but then he called me a cow and told me to get lost...I mean what the hell???? There is absolutely no control!!! The rest of day he doesn't talk to me, he sulks by the computer, cooks something just for himself, and is NOT taking his medicine...can't he tell that all this is caused by not taking the tablet!!! All these explosions happen when he hasn't taken it. When he is on Concerta, we can talk like two adults and even disagree, but it won't escalate like this! We are both in our second marriage, in our 40s, no children together. I feel I am wasting my life, he is reckless. We have been to several counsellors, we talk about this all the time, we study about ADHD (I more than him), but these explosions happen over and over again...I just can't take this anymore. His abusive language is so terrible, he is blaming me of everything that is wrong. I am ready to divorce him.

Hello my name is Ci have been with my bf for a year and a half now . I have dealt with all his episodes minor and severe I am a easy going person,laid back,don't like confrontation or drama but I used to speak up for myself and don't remember ever being like this. I love my bf really do i apply the fruit of the spirit as the bible says Galatians 5:22-23 love , joy,peace,patience,goodness,faithfulness,gentleness,self control " i breathe i pray and i try my best to ignore his insults,disrespect,belittles me, makes me cry tears galore as if its the 1st time all over again :( . I am not perfect but i don't do anything intention to piss him off i can just sit next to him and he is annoyed tells me go away or go lay by myself, i grab a bruised fruit hes pist, i grab the wrong kind of meat and he screamed at me invaded my personal space and throws things .he punishes me 3-d days if he is not happy with me or just because he wants to feel valid idk but hes a roller coaster and im in pain, alone,sad,broken because he says he loves me and i know he does he is hurtful he has never apologized to me, ever just appreciated what i go thru to be here for him. hes not bad when hes happy oh hes a joy to be with hes all lovey dovey with me and im happy but when hes ina mood so am i . he broke up with me for no reason he was pissed few days before idk about what i guess apparently i had an attitude he says he sees how i am lol ! okay im a women duh !! i treated him out to friday night he ripped me apart said mean things about my looks, my ways , im just a walking lifeless person just stupid remarks a kid says im laughing and crying . im still calling out to him i still want to be with him i love him so much ladies . i tried it all been calm,encouraging,helpful, patient everything i can humbly do and my heart aches for him so bad and he just up and left im so lost confused he just told me he loves me few days ago ,he and i get along well, no fights were good im so tripped out how we are here ina few days this is a routine he does this so much every month or so he has eps and i pay he removes me like im the problem:( .he wont answer my calls just texts and its all negative he says he hates me hes miserable,etc... i know about ADHD and i think hes bipolar so i done my homework, he doesn't want help i offered to pay for counseling for us for him to help him, when hes on pills hes happy hes good when hes in a mood everyone better run for cover, i just want my bf back the nice guy the attentive,caring,strong,loving guy i know not this dark guy he ruins everything :(