Month: April 2016

Not particularly pertinent but a nod to Prince, who died last week. As did Victoria Wood. 2016 is proving to be the year not to be famous. Lots of people dying far too young…

Of course lots of not-famous people die too young too. But you can’t help feel sad when it’s people you’ve laughed with (on the TV), or seen in concert etc.

Meanwhile, back home, the low shows no signs of abating. That also applies meteorologically too, it’s flipping freezing and it even snowed yesterday. Skies are all purple. April showers are definitely a thing.

And it’s pretty chilly in the house as we’re well in to a second week of sustained depression with DH. It wears you down it does. All of us. I’m starting to think he should be on anti-depressants again but I know that is not likely to happen. He’s also had a migraine this week, which often happens at the end of a low, but the headache is malingering on.

Supposed to be going out on Saturday – chances of that happening? Low to below low.

Actually, it’s glorious today, clear blue skies but in the house, the skies have been darkening since Sunday. Various reasons but not helped by a call from DH’s therapist yesterday who said he’d had to pass his case on to a more experienced therapist, due to the complexity of DH’s situation.

The fact that DH filled in forms and went to assessments prior to being allocated a therapist should really mean that he was given the right person (not a newish trainee type) to start with.

But no, and DH is frustrated as he a) liked the therapist and b) is very put out at the thought of having to start the process again.

Being him, he’s worrying about whether he likes the new one, he doesn’t want to sit through another assessment etc. In his words ‘it’s another thing I don’t want to think about’.

One day, maybe, he’ll view therapy as a way of helping him, not as something to be annoyed about.

I’m talking about the sun of course, it’s out and it’s warm and it’s lovely today. And breathe….

I guess from my silence there’s been not a lot to report really. Generally okay though. CBT has started and he’s been discharged from the psychiatrist as he’s pretty adamant that he won’t take medication again. Well, we’ll see. If there’s anything I’ve learnt, it’s that you have to be flexible. The future is uncertain and the future, when you live with someone with a mental illness, is uncertain and yet certainly going to be a mixed bag.

Today DH has hurt his leg while running. The leg he has hurt (torn calf) before. Never mind that I suggested physio before he undertook more running…

I have no doubt he’ll be very low about this as he’s supposed to be training for a very very long run and I guess I’d be pissed off if I injured myself. Which I did last year when running (big toe) and which I cheerleading this year (my thumb). So I get the disappointment to some degree. As with all things, it’s HOW we deal with the nonsense life chucks our way.

I also know that I need to be understanding and not just annoyed because he’s annoyed. Mirroring his mood isn’t helpful but it’s really easy to do…..it must be a ‘thing’ that happens in most relationships but it’s very damaging when the mood you mirror is the depression of someone with a serious depressive illness.

DH has in fact just come through the door and as you can imagine, it’s a stinker.

I can feel myself being massively irritated. Grrr. I think it’s because I know this mood will affect us all. And a little bit of ‘I bloody told you to see the physio’.