The 9 Mistakes You'll Make When You Start a Band

1. Grabbing Whoever You Can Find

Just because your buddy, Matt, is a chill dude doesn't mean he can just learn to NOT have unbelievably bad timing on the drums. Find people who own and can actually play some kind of instrument. It's usually a challenge finding musicians to join your shitty band because if they're a good musician, they're probably already in a band... that isn't your shitty band.

2. The Name of The World's Greatest Band

Spending too much time coming up with a really well-thought out band name is a complete waste, most big band names make zero sense anyways. The only reason you think the name is cool is because you think the music is good. So focus on trying to play good music!

(Also, working the names of sex positions into your band's name isn't as hilarious as you think.)

3. Being Tied Down By One Genre

As new artists you never want to put boundaries on your sound, maaaaan! Why be another indie-rock band when you can be an 'Experimental-Post-Hard-Rap-Core-ish Kinda Punk-Grungey New Electronica-Trap' band with some occasional chill acoustic stuff on the sides.

4. Tom Delonge-ing

When first forming a band It's only natural that the lead vocalist will want to try and mimic another great musical artist's voice. Many will try replicating the sounds they heard when first listening to Blink 182 but make no mistake, nobody living or dead can match the goddamn angelically soothing vocals of an early Blink 182's Tom Delonge... not even Tom Delonge.

5. Under-Marketing

New artists often worry about being annoying when spamming everyone to like their page on facebook. Why? You've already ruined the relationship between your family and most of your neighbors with the incessant noise coming from your garage. Might as well finish the job and seriously dude, now is your time to shine through all the hordes of new mediocre DJ's online... with YOUR new mediocre band.

6. Befriending Your First Drummer

Know the rolls dude, you need to remember that your band's first drummer is never your friend... they are just the ones who leave the band right before the rest of you 'make it' and become goddamn musical icons. It's a story that has repeated itself time and time again, so always treat your first drummer like they're not human and eventually they'll leave due to ugh... "creative differences"

(Having fun signing all those recording deals?)

7. Not Being The Hot One

We all know who's really making bank in the band. The one with the face that sells mad band merchandise and reigns supreme over tumblr with their swoop hair. If you're not that person in your band you will have to leave and form a new band with less attractive people. This will ensure the launch of your shitty solo-album in the future.

8. Dealing With Groupies

HA! Psyche.

(You don't have groupies.)

9. The Mom-ager

Possibly the biggest mistake made when forming a band is getting someone who isn't your Mom to manage the band. Mom's make the sickest most-ill band managers because they make sure all your homework is done before you're allowed to infuriate your neighbors practicing with the band in your garage. This will help ensure you get mad grades and greater potential job prospects in the future! You know, for when the band splits up a month later because your buddy Matt has a girlfriend or boyfriend or a "million dollar" app idea he's working on instead.