Advocating for black women and the preservation of womanhood

Poetry

After the reactions in ferguson, mo I noticed a lot of people (primarily those who lack skin pigmentation) commented about how they were afraid to leave there homes or send there children out to play.
Welcome to the life I have to lead for the rest of my life and my sons life. I have to wonder in the back of my mind if today is the day someone will decide they don’t like the color of his skin. Or they have the right to mistreat him or even harm him based on his race.
Why? Because he was born black. Not the white washed, slightly tanned skinned, with pretty eyes and curly hair that people are comfortable with. But deep mahogany skin, bronze skin tinged with a little red and deep dark eyes like his mama. Skin dark and beautiful enough to make you feel inferior and offended.
The color of his skin alone is enough to make people feel like he isn’t worth as much as the next person. And for some extremist it’s enough to make them feel like they are entitled enough to take his life.
Because he was born black, I have to teach my baby he has to work twice as hard as the next person. He has an automatic set back due to white privilege. My child was set up for failure at birth because of the color of his skin and the lack of a father figure (thanks again for setting your child up for success) thankfully he has a strong black mother to educate him and teach him what he needs to know to be successful and explain the harsh realities of the life he will live. As well as a grandfather and my boyfriend who love as much as a father could and more to teach him what he needs to know as a young black man in America.
His history will never be white washed and we will never allow him to live in fear. Because fear is what controls you, he comes from a family warriors. A family built on love not blood, and a family that builds him up to be the best man he can be.
But until he becomes that man and even after he has surpassed my expectations. I will still live in fear of what someone else could do to him because they fear his skin, because they are disgusted by his beauty.
So I’m not sorry and I don’t feel sympathy for privileged individuals who now feel the fear that I feel everyday. Savor the bitter taste in your mouth and remember it every time you snub someone of color, or you toss your money on the counter instead of placing it in someone’s hand, or even insensitively down play racism. Remember that fear because a day will come that the tables will turn. These beautiful black children may one day be your oppressors. Beware what you teach your own children at home, it comes out in school and your racism becomes transparent for everyone to see and you’ll wear it like cloak.
My children and there generation will remember because right now they are living the history of tomorrow. I won’t teach my son equality or passivity. He will learn to stand up and speak on what’s right or wrong. He will assert his brilliance and blind you with his ancestry because he has never learned to belittle himself in the presence of pale skin. Or shrink himself down in the presence of “authority” he is the governor of his own body, his own mind, and his own being.
So live in fear and cower at the thought of there greatness.

How intimate is that phrase?
It’s a phrase usually callously tossed around during less than intimate moments. Nonetheless I would hate for it to lose it’s meaning.
I too have said this exact phrase during intimate, soft spoken, late night conversations. In an act of love not one of lust.
I want to have your baby…
What does it really mean?
It’s the greatest act of love there is… I love you so much, I want to bear your child as well as equal responsibility in the well being of another human being. I love you so much that I would rip apart my body and alter it in ways that I can never repair. I love you so much that I would change my life forever. I have so much love for you that it over flows in my heart and soul and nothing would make me happier than sharing a life and a child with you. There is so much love between the two of us that we must have a family to spread this abundance of love.
Is that what you meant?
Is that vision you had when you whispered that phrase over the darkness of a room, through pants of lust, and beads of sweat.
I didn’t think so. That phrase will be left amongst tousled sheets in the glow of day break as you get dressed to leave someone you may or may not love.
What was my vision as I uttered that phrase during a midnight conversation taking place between two hushed voices as we discussed the rest of our lives. I imagined a family filled with love and building a life. My heart swells with each tender word as I ponder on our life together with children.
My vision and my meaning differ greatly from the visions of others.
And that’s ok I guess. I just want to express the importance of that phrase for me. How meaningful it is for me, and the reality of it all.
You love so much that you want to give me the greatest gift there is and fulfill every little girl fantasy I have.