Posts Tagged ‘Parental Alienation’

Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is the process by which one parent, usually the mother, turns a child against the other parent in disputes regarding custody or access – PLEASE NOTE THIS VIDEO CLIP WAS PRODUCED BEFORE THE INFAMOUS TAPED TELEPHONE MESSAGE FROM MR BALDWIN TO HIS DAUGHTER – Do you think his reaction on the ‘phone is the result of years of PAS?

‘even Toddlers Need Fathers’

‘Helping fathers sustain a parental relationship with their child or children through the courts’.
Kingsley Miller is the author of ‘even Toddlers Need Fathers’.

Professor Sir Michael Rutter, author of the seminal work ‘Maternal Deprivation Reassessed’, and a foremost authority on children’s welfare, said,

“Very many thanks for sending me a copy of your interesting and informative guide on ‘even Toddlers Need Fathers’. I much appreciate your drawing my attention to it”,

As you know, I have been fighting being alienated from my two daughters for more than eight years. Recently I moved to Chicago and mom used it as an opportunity to once again attempt to end visitation by filing a report with DCFS, and seeking a two year order of protection that would cut off any and all communication with my daughters.

The DCFS report came back this week and was determined to be unfounded. I can add this to the two separate claims by mom that I molested the girls, and the other occasion where mom claimed I gave my youngest daughter narcotics. I have been attempting to reason with mom, but it looks like I will have to fight her in court once again if I am to maintain any relationship with my daughters.

Over the past two months I have been to many blogs of fathers who are also dealing with terminator mothers like Anna Jurich. This is a crisis that is rampant throughout our country. This will be an ongoing post to which I will be adding links to websites and blogs of fathers who are going through the same struggle. Dealing with mothers like Anna Jurich can be absolutely emotionally and spiritually exhausting, so it is good to be in contact with others with the same struggle.

This is the first weekend my children will miss with their dad do to the latest alienation attempt by mom. Like I have said before, this has been going on for over eight years. And as I told the kids weeks before I moved to Chicago, mom would spring into action to end visitation at any cost as soon as my car left the driveway. I departed for Chicago on a Friday, and on Monday, mom was getting an order of protection and filing abuse aligations with DCFS.

This is a quote from Judge Leo T. Desmond, from our visitation case some eight years ago. Anna Jurich was claiming that I was unfit to be a father, and that the children should not be allowed to ever see their father again. This is what the judge told Anna Jurich after a long litigation process:

At the conclusion of the hearing, the court commented on the evidence regarding visitation:

“The burden of proof was on her (Anna Jurich) to show a serious endangerment to these children’s moral, emotional, [and] physical health. She has fallen more than woefully short of the mark; she hasn’t even made out a case.

I have got a picture of the front of your house, which I guess I am supposed to conclude from that it’s not a very attractive house, I don’t know. Maybe there is some clutter in there, I don’t know. They have been dancing around the edge of the pen about marijuana. There has been no evidence other than this photograph. And, incidentally, since I was in [sic] the only one in this room besides the [c]ourt [r]eporter and these two people-the lawyers weren’t there at the last hearing-the marijuana wasn’t just put in because of [plaintiff]; it was put in because of [defendant].

So, moving back here, I have got photographs of sores on feet. I have got testimony about a sore eye. I have got a little bit here, and a little bit there. What I don’t have is[-]I don’t have any medical evidence[;] I don’t have any evidence of neglect or abuse. I don’t have any psychological evidence. I don’t have anything. I don’t have diddly squat to show serious endangerment, unless I am just guessing that that might be the case.”

Of course Anna Jurich filed an apeal, and of course she lost that as well. One of the most ironic things about this is that Anna Jurich is a adolescent councilor at Gateway Foundation in Carbondale Illinois! I guess she is realy good with kids.

Well all you fathers out in cyberspace land, it looks like the alienating moms found my blog. I’ve been getting traffic from what I will call the “obsessed alienation blog.” Looks like PAS is nothing other than a tool used by abusive fathers to abuse women!!

A Boomer With ‘Grand Wishes’ Changes The Law!

Hoffman, of Newport Beach, California, became the target of alienation by the custodial parent, resulting in a separation from her grandson just a month short of her grandchild’s fifth birthday. Devastated and committed to supporting other disenfranchised grandparents, she started her own support group. That group developed into a non-profit organization, ADVOCATES FOR GRANDPARENT-GRANDCHILD CONNECTION. Bolstered by the ensuing support, Hoffman’s advocacy for preserving the grandparent-grandchild connection intensified into activism in the form of a bill which she lobbied for and sponsored.

Finally, after a year of petitioning and with the support of California Assemblyman Van Tran (R-Garden Grove), all 120 legislators unanimously agreed on the importance of the grandparent-grandchild relationship and passed California Bill AB2517, which was signed by Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger on Aug. 22, 2006 and became law the following January.

Research indicates denying access to the grandparent-grandchild bond is a form of emotional child abuse. FULL ARTICLE

My daughters have all of the signs of PAS. After eight years of visitation, staying close to my daughters, I then moved to Chicago last month on a Friday. On Monday, mom called DCFS claiming abuse, and filed for an order of protection. This time my daughters are assisting mom, and my eldest daughter says that she does not want to see her father any more. My youngest says she wants a “break.” I’m almost out of gas with all of this. Only with the grace of God do I get the strength to go on.

Mom has had a campaign for the past eight years, and I thought that if I stayed in my daughters lives, mom would not succeed in her attempt to destroy our relationship. Do not be fooled dads, it takes more than just staying in your kids lives, you must seek professional help as soon as possible. I wish I knew what I know now. Now I’m back to hiring an attorney and fighting in court once again. The visitation that I fought to have was just wiped away with one ruling (a ruling that was granted without me being present! I’m 350 miles away) Moms often use orders of protection to end visitation. I’ll fight on, as I have in the past. I have also became a member of the:

The Parental Alienation Syndrome:
An Analysis of Sixteen Selected Cases

John Dunne
Marsha Hedrick

ABSTRACT. This study analyzed sixteen cases which appeared to meet Dr. Richard Gardner’s criteria for parental alienation syndrome as set forth in his 1987 book. These cases showed a wide diversity of characteristics but Gardner’s criteria were useful in differentiating these cases from other post-divorce difficulties. Traditional interventions were ineffective in altering the alienation.

Gardner (1985) has described cases of intense rejection of a parent by children after divorce which he referred to as “parental alienation syndrome” (PAS). He defined this syndrome as a disturbance occurring in children who are preoccupied with depreciation and criticism of a parent and denigration that is unjustified and/or exaggerated (Gardner, 1987). He describes these children as “obsessed with hatred of a parent.”

The “parental alienation syndrome” has rapidly become a focus of controversy within the mental health and the legal profession. It has been raised, as well as attacked, in cases involving allegations of domestic violence, parental substance abuse, and child sexual abuse, often strongly polarizing various mental health professionals involved in the cases. Advocacy groups for mothers, fathers, and sexual abuse victims have often been recruited into the conflict.

Very little is described in the literature about children who reject parents following marital separation. Jacobs (1988)describes a case in which five children rejected their father, apparently in response to their mother’s extreme narcissistic rage. Wallerstein (1984) noted one child at the ten year follow-up, who rejected her mother, with whom she was living, after her father’s attempt to change custody failed. Fidler (1988) also noted one case of a child who refused to see the noncustodial parent among the sample of 76 children referred to a family court clinic.

More common in the literature is the failure to mention a child’s rejection of a parent as one of the outcomes of divorce. Pearson and Thoennes (1990) noted a relatively high frequency of no or sporadic overnight visits with a non-residential parent. In 40% of the maternal sole custody and 30% of the paternal sole custody, the children had no overnight visits with a non-residential parent. In joint legal custody, 7% of the children living with their mothers and 20% of the children living with their fathers reported no overnights with the other parent. Although this is a relatively high frequency, the authors made no mention of the children’s attitudes about their parents or the reason for no visits. Kalter et al. (1989) did not report any cases of the child rejecting a parent in their sample of 56 recruited pairs of children and mothers. Similarly, Oppenheimer et al. (1990) noted no cases in their sample of 46 elementary aged children, all living with their mothers, who rejected either parent. Review articles by Zaslow (1988) and by Heatherington et at. (1989) make no reference to parent alienation or to children rejecting a parent as an outcome following divorce. FULL ARTICLE

When divorce turns nasty and one parent tries to turn the kids against the other. Dr. Jayne Major, police officer Catherine MacWillie, and film director Shelli Ryan discuss parental alienation syndrome.This has happened to my two daughters. This is a crushing situation. I will be posting more on this issue in the future. My faith sustains me through this. After eight years of visitation, with allegations of sexual abuse to physical abuse, mom finally achieved her goal: the children say that they HATE me, and the eldest says she never wants to see me again. My youngest daughter says she wants to “take a break.”

These are the same words spoken by their mother on the stand some eight years ago. I was only seeking visitation, and the judge issued a warning to the mother that she was lucky I was not going for custody. The judge told her that one of the things he takes into consideration in deciding custody was the parent’s willingness to allow the other parent to have contact with the children. The judge told her, “you have fallen woefully short on this point,” and “let this be a wake up call to you Miss. J.”

Mom never flinched, and persisted in her “campaign” of alienation, and “recruited” her local police department, (the chief of police would often have diner at her mother’s home!) teachers, friends of her family, and her other family members, to assist in her “cause.” This makes it hard for children to keep their heads above water while drowning in an ocean of hate. The saddest thing of all, is that this goes on with no repercussions on the alienator. The non-custodial parent is powerless to do anything, except watch his children drift further and further out to sea.

This is a word form my current wife (who is a licensed counselor) to my children:

M and H,

This is A. I am writing on a thread from dad’s e-mail account, cause I wasn’t sure what address to e-mail you at, and I figured this e-mail account must be active.

I’m very sad to hear about everything that has been going on between you kids and your dad. I imagine this must be very hard to make sense of, and extremely stressful. I wish there was something I could do or say to make this easier for you, and to help heal this rift.

I hope you will find it reassuring to know, that from everything I have seen and heard over the years, I have absolutely no doubt that your dad loves you very much. He has always tried his best to be a caring guide, a watchful protector, a fun companion, an inspiring teacher, and a responsible parent. he has always tried to consider and do what is in your best interest, even when it required sacrifice on his part, or when it was unpleasant (like setting boundaries and enforcing rules). He has cherished the many joyful, loving and funny moments you have shared, and he has often wished that your family could have stayed intact, so he could be present in your normal day-to-day life.

As it is, he got pushed to the margins of your life… the odd man out. Your mom really did try to push him out of the picture altogether, but his love for you helped him hang on when most people would have given up.

All in all, he has put a lot of thought into being the best possible father he could be, taking special care to do this in a way that God intended. I know he is not perfect, and that he has at times fallen short of his own expectations for himself. We all do… we are all a work in progress. But he is also very loving, intelligent, insightful, experienced, well-read, passionate, open-minded, fun and compassionate. He is honest and direct, so you don’t have to play any guessing games about what he is thinking. And he wants you to be a happy, healthy and successful person.

I hope you will not forget these things in your anger (or that you may someday remember them again). I know it is easy to lose sight of anything you like about a person when you are mad at them, and when others around you don’t like them. That’s why it’s important to remind yourself of the good things, and the good times. When I look at the big picture, I see that your dad is a wonderful person. I hope that someday you will be able to see this too.

I love you and wish you peace.

P.S. Please remember that he did not abandon you. We would still be having regular visitation if you had not said that you didn’t want to visit. I hope that your decision to walk away is a temporary one. I hope that someday you will understand and accept your dad’s efforts to teach you. I will miss you while you are gone… however long that may be.

Parental alienation varies in the degree of severity, as seen in the behaviors and attitudes of both the parents and the children. The severity can be of such little consequence as a parent occasionally calling the other parent a derogatory name; or it could be as overwhelming as the parent’s campaign of consciously destroying the children’s relationship with the other parent. Most children are able to brush off a parent’s offhand comment about the other parent that is made in frustration. On the other hand, children may not be able to resist a parent’s persistent campaign of hatred and alienation.

Parents must be cautioned not to conclude that all parent-child relationship problems are caused by alienating behavior. When there is true abuse, it is natural that a parent will feel protective towards the children. This is not alienation. On the other hand, the parent is expected to cooperate with investigators and consider alternative explanations that would explain the allegation. Alternative explanations explaining a serious parent-child problem can include a failure to bond, punitive punishment, insensitivity to the child’s needs or a failure to understand development issues. Sometime a competent evaluation is needed to determine how alienation may contribute to the problems between the targeted parent and the children. This is a complex process that requires a court order and the participation of both parents and the children.

Who Uses Alienation?

We are frequently asked the question if someone other than a parent can alienate the child? The answer is an emphatic yes. Grandparents, stepparents, family friends and even attorneys and therapists can alienate or contribute to the alienation.

Frequently an alienated parent will surround themselves with people that support alienation, believing that the child needs to be protected or saved from the targeted parent.

Learning to Recognize Types of Alienation

Preventing or stopping alienation must begin with learning how to recognize the three types of alienation because the symptoms and strategies for combating each are different. The three types should not be considered a “diagnosis,” but instead are a heuristic (i.e. considering possibilities) way of understanding alienation.

Three Types of Alienation

Naïve alienators are parents who are passive about the children’s relationship with the other parent but will occasionally do or say something that can alienate. All parents will occasionally be naïve alienators.

Active alienators also know better than to alienate, but their intense hurt or anger causes them to impulsively lose control over their behavior or what they say. Later, they may feel very guilty about how they behaved.

Obsessed alienators have a fervent cause to destroy the targeted parent. Frequently a parent can be a blend between two types of alienators, usually a combination between the naïve and active alienator. Rarely does the obsessed alienator have enough self-control or insight to blend with the other types. These three patterns of alienating behaviors are not intended to be used as a diagnosis. The types have not been validated sufficient for litigation.

Keep in mind that the source of alienating behavior can come from mothers, fathers, stepparents, relatives, and even babysitters, “best friends” of the parent, the parent’s attorney, or a therapist.

This what I am dealing with:

Type Three: Obsessed Alienator (what I call “the terminator”) “I love my children. If the court can’t protect them from their abusive father, I will. Even though he’s never abused the children, I know it’s a matter of time. The children are frightened of their father. If they don’t want to see him, I’m not going to force them. They are old enough to make up their own minds.”

The obsessed alienator is a parent, or sometimes a grandparent, with a cause: to align the children to his or her side and together, with the children, campaign to destroy their relationship with the targeted parent. For the campaign to work, the obsessed alienator enmeshes the children’s personalities and beliefs into their own. This is a process that takes time but one that the children, especially the young, are completely helpless to see and combat. It usually begins well before the divorce is final. The obsessed parent is angry, bitter or feels betrayed by the other parent. The initial reasons for the bitterness may actually be justified. They could have been verbally and physical abused, raped, betrayed by an affair, or financially cheated. The problem occurs when the feelings won’t heal but instead become more intense because of being forced to continue the relationship with a person they despise because of their common parenthood. Just having to see or talk to the other parent is a reminder of the past and triggers the hate. They are trapped with nowhere to go and heal.

The characteristics of an obsessed alienator are:

They are obsessed with destroying the children’s relationship with the targeted parent.

They having succeeded in enmeshing the children’s personalities and beliefs about the other parent with their own.

The children will parrot the obsessed alienator rather than express their own feelings from personal experience with the other parent.

The targeted parent and often the children cannot tell you the reasons for their feelings.

Their beliefs sometimes becoming delusional and irrational. No one, especially the court, can convince obsessed alienators that they are wrong. Anyone who tries is the enemy.

They will often seek support from family members, quasi-political groups or friends that will share in their beliefs that they are victimized by the other parent and the system. The battle becomes “us against them.” The obsessed alienator’s supporters are often seen at the court hearings even though they haven’t been subpoenaed.

They have an unquenchable anger because they believe that the targeted parent has victimized them and whatever they do to protect the children is justified.

They have a desire for the court to punish the other parent with court orders that would interfere or block the targeted parent from seeing the children. This confirms in the obsessed alienator’s mind that he or she was right all the time.

The court’s authority does not intimidate them.

The obsessed alienator believes in a higher cause, protecting the children at all cost.

The obsessed alienator will probably not want to read what is on these pages because the content just makes them angrier.

There are no effective treatment protocols that have been validated for either the obsessed alienator or the PAS children. The courts and mental health professionals are sincere in wanting to help these families but their efforts frequently fail.

The best hope for children affected by an obsessed alienator is early identification of the symptoms and prevention. After the alienation is entrenched and the children become “true believers” in the parent’s cause, the children may be lost to the other parent for years to come. I realize this is a sad statement, but I have yet to find an effective intervention, by anyone, including the courts that can rehabilitate the alienating parent and child. There can still be hope in that spontaneous reunification can occur, usually in response to a crisis that causes the alienated child to reach out to the rejected parent.

In the past year, however, I am seeing examples of successful reversal of parental alienation syndrome. This may not be true, though, for the obsessed alienator.

If you have a success story about how you were able to overcome the alienation caused by the obsessed alienator and are now reunited with your children, I would love to hear your story. Please send me e-mail so I can learn from your experience. Perhaps you have something important from your story.