After nearly seven months at the state hospital and a local hospital, I'm back home! It feels so good. I don't really quite know what to do with myself.

I got approved for ssdi and have been receiving that. Thank goodness for that. I am too much of a mess to work. Although I am doing a lot better.

I am going to be placed in a structured apartment living setting. They pass out meds and have groups there and the like, but I get my own apartment. That should be a great setting for me.

I just hope I stay on the meds this time so as to avoid another seven month stint!

It's akward with my friends and people that I haven't seen in so long now. I feel pretty alone. But I do know that I have friends here and I'd love to chat with all of you as we go through this journey they call bipolar disorder.

It's so good to hear from you and know that you are okay and doing better. I've thought of you often over the past months. When will you be moving into your new apartment? You and I are on a similiar cocktail, I'm on Lamictal, Abilify, Trazadone, Bupar, Remeron and Topamax.

You and I haven't talked before on the board, but I have read your posts.

I know exactly what you mean about not knowing what to do with yourself after you come home from the hospital. I've been hospitalized 9 times and felt the same way every single time I was discharged.

I think that living in a structured environment will do wonders for you since your meds will be administered in a controlled setting.

I'm sure you're excited about living in your own apartment. I know I love being independent myself and don't know what I'd do if I had to live with another person. I treasure my freedom and don't like living with others. For whatever reason, it doesn't seem to work out too well.

Anyways, it's good to hear from you. Please continue to stay in touch.

Yay, you're back! I am so very glad to see you on the board again. I have missed you very much. Seeing your post made my day.

The living arrangement sounds just ideal for you at this point, probably will keep you away from the hospital, give you the support you need without being dependent. It can be a good transition back to being entirely on your own.

Congratulations on the SSDI! What a relief, isn't it? I only have SSI (unable to work the required quarters for SSDI, ever), but knowing that we can continue to exist and get medical and psychiatric coverage takes such a strain off us right away. I'm very happy for you.

Llama, thanks for posting. You've been very much in my heart and mind.

So how's it going adjusting to the outside world? I imagine it's a bit scary.

Do your remember right before you went in you had just started taking Cymbalta, and our BP symptoms were exactly the same so I got my pdoc to prescribe it for me....that drug killed me, it sent me into a major manic state. And not to mention did nothing for the depression. Then when he tritrated me off of it...another major manic phase, clearly not the drug for me. How is it working for you, or are you not on it anymore?

Katlin that's weird! I am not on cymbalta anymore either! It pretty much did the same thing to me. Or started to do that anyway. Once I got into the the state hospital they took me off it and also off of the seroquel and right back on geodon. Lo and behold the geodon didn't work that well for me and now I'm back on abilify which is what I had been taking all along!

Well I tried to off myself. That's what set off this whole thing. Then they put me in the chemical dependency unit where I got no help for the bipolar and stayed there for two months. She also was weaning me off all of my meds claiming I only had a problem with my personality. Without the meds in my system I got even worse and more depressed. Then the dumb pdoc sent me over to the psych wing (which is where I was supposed to go in the first place). So you can see how much time was wasted in my getting better. At the psych wing they put me back on meds but put me on geodon. And when the geodon wasn't working that well they kept saying, give it more time, etc. Finally they admitted I probably needed a med change but delayed that for a few weeks as well. Then I was put back on abilify and within a month was feeling better. They had said though that if the abilify didn't work I'd have to go on zyprexa. And I didn't want to do that because I have a family history of diabetes already! Too scary!

So you can see how things just kept getting delayed and they took their sweet old time in getting things ready.

Why were you put in the chemical dependency unit? How did you handle that? I know you weren't on meds for your bipolar at the time, but how did you cope?

When I was IP in my mid 20s those of us with mental illness were placed on the chemical dependency floor for reasons I no longer remember. I had a very difficult time with this emotionally because there was a woman across the hall from me who had alcohol poisoning and was vomiting every 5 seconds. I finally had to summon a nurse who could call 911 and get her to the hospital.

After nearly seven months at the state hospital and a local hospital, I'm back home! It feels so good. I don't really quite know what to do with myself.

I got approved for ssdi and have been receiving that. Thank goodness for that. I am too much of a mess to work. Although I am doing a lot better.

I am going to be placed in a structured apartment living setting. They pass out meds and have groups there and the like, but I get my own apartment. That should be a great setting for me.

I just hope I stay on the meds this time so as to avoid another seven month stint!

It's akward with my friends and people that I haven't seen in so long now. I feel pretty alone. But I do know that I have friends here and I'd love to chat with all of you as we go through this journey they call bipolar disorder.

How have you all been? Can't wait to hear from you!

llama,

only just saw this thread. so glad you are back home and even though i don't know you it sounds like initially it was a nightmare. i too was on abilify but it gave me awful side effects icluding weight gain so stopped it last week and the weight is steadily going! doc and pdoc did not believe that i had made no changes to my diet. am on lamictal, thyroxine, klonopin and xanax at the moment but facing yet another new regime as this lot is not working. will keep the thyroxine, klonopin and xanax as they are pretty constant and do help. he's adding in l-tryptophan this week, but i can't find much info on it other than it is some kind of supplement,

how is apartment going? have you family support? sounds like a good place to be and i hope you do ok there.