My Love, The Silver Lining

Last night, I lay in bed, exhausted after a long day in the chemo chair. I listened to Dennis sweetly singing Little J to sleep in the next room. Softly and gently, he croons, “Look for the Silver Lining,” a Chet Baker favorite that father and son sing together every night. It was the first song Dennis played for me in his house in Oakland when we started dating. I remember that, at the time, the moment made me think of a line from one of my favorite Bossa Nova songs. Like a message from above it sang, “Follow the fellow who follows a dream.”

And I did. Dennis follows his dreams and defends the silver lining against all odds to this day.

After Little J fell asleep, Dennis came into our room where Virgil rested with me. I had a little cry, then tried to pull myself together. Dennis just pet Virgil’s belly, gently pulling out hairballs and brambles from the garden, and said, “No go ahead and cry. You deserve it. Get it out.” So I indulged in a few more tears about why-can’t-PARP inhibitors-be -ready-for-me-now-so-we-don’t-ever-have-to-go-through-this-again. And then quiet cuddling. And moments later, Dennis suggests a plan of action (always about the solution, this guy). People we could write to, ways we could advocate for me and the thousands of women in my position right now.

8 comments

Tears. Smiles. What a wonderful post and a precious photo, Jen. You’re in my thoughts. You may not feel this way, but you’re luckier than most with such a loving and supportive mate. Sweet dreams and enjoy your beautiful Sunday.

Hey Jennifer. I remember the Chet Baker days and being so, so happy for my friend Dennis to have found YOU. He’s a lucky, lucky guy.

I have to tell you this short story:
When put Toby to be the first few years, Helena would sing him to sleep. She knows lots of words to lots of songs. One night he asked me to sing to him. I know lots of song…but not many words. But I do know one song that was MY favourite Chet song. So, I busted out the song…but it just wasn’t long enough…so I scat-sang Chet’s trumpet solo before coming back for one more verse to finish it off. This went on for months, and months.

One night I was totally exhausted, so I sang the melody (or as we say in the business, the “head”) twice and said goodnight. As a started to walk away, Toby gently grabbed my hand and said “What about the other part Daddy…the middle part?” Then, in his sweet little 4 year old voice (or 5, I’m not really sure)…he had a crack at scatting Chet’s trumpet solo with me.