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"[My relationships were] like I was in these movies where the script was only half-written. When I’d get to the end of this half-script, the other actors wanted me to ad lib. But I had never gotten the hang of that. That’s why these movies were always box-office failures. Six of them in the past twenty years. I always blew the lines." ~ from my horrible first novel "Learn How To Pretend." (unpublished)(obviously)

Thursday, November 15, 2012

My Enneagram type 6w5

If you're at all interested in this sort of thing, this is my type 6w5. Meaning that I'm primarily a loyalist, with a strong link to The Investigator. Neither are as nice as they sound.

Enneagram Type 6 - The Loyalist

Conflicted between trust and distrustPeople
of this personality type essentially feel insecure, as though there is
nothing quite steady enough to hold onto. At the core of the type Six
personality is a kind of fear or anxiety. This anxiety has a very deep
source and can manifest in a variety of different styles, making Sixes
somewhat difficult to describe and to type. What all Sixes have in
common however, is the fear rooted at the center of their personality,
which manifests in worrying, and restless imaginings of everything that
might go wrong. This tendency makes Sixes gifted at trouble shooting,
but also robs the Six of much needed peace of mind and tends to deprive
the personality of spontaneity. The essential anxiety at the core of the
type Six fixation tends to permeate the personality with a sort of
"defensive suspiciousness." Sixes don't trust easily; they are often
ambivalent about others, until the person has absolutely proven herself,
at which point they are likely to respond with steadfast loyalty. The
loyalty of the Six is something of a two edged sword however, as Sixes
are sometimes prone to stand by a friend, partner, job or cause even
long after it is time to move on.Sixes are generally looking for something or someone to believe in.
This, combined with their general suspiciousness, gives rise to a
complicated relationship to authority. The side of the Six which is
looking for something to believe in, is often very susceptible to the
temptation to turn authority over to an external source, whether it be
in the form of an individual or a creed. But the Six's tendency towards
distrust and suspicion works against any sort of faith in authority.
Thus, two opposite pulls exist side by side in the personality of
enneatype Six, and assume different proportions in different
individuals, sometimes alternating within the same individual.The truly confounding element when it comes to typing Sixes is that
there are two fundamentally different strategies that Sixes adopt for
dealing with fear. Some Sixes are basically phobic. Phobic Sixes are
generally compliant, affiliative and cooperative. Other Sixes adopt the
opposite strategy of dealing with fear, and become counterphobic,
essentially taking a defiant stand against whatever they find
threatening. This is the Six who takes on authority or who adopts a dare
devil attitude towards physical danger. Counterphobic Sixes can be
agressive and, rather than looking for authorities, can adopt a
rebellious or anti-authoritarian demeanor. Counterphobic Sixes are often
unaware of the fear that motivates their actions. In fact, Sixes in
general, tend to be blind to the extent of their own anxiety. Because it
is the constant back drop to all of their emotions, Sixes are
frequently unaware of its existence, as they have nothing with which to
contrast it.Because Sixes so frequently fail to appreciate the extent of their
own fear, they often mistype themselves. It is common for instance, for
female Sixes to mistype as Twos,
especially if they are identified with a helper role, but Sixes have a
much more ambivalent attitude towards relationships than do Twos, who
generally know exactly what they want. Sixes, failing to recognize their
anxiety, can mistype as Nines, but Nines have the ability to relax and to trust in others, neither of which come easily to Sixes. Sixes can mistype as Fours, especially if they have artistic inclinations, but they lack the Four's self-absorption. They can mistype as Fives,
especially if they are intellectual, as many Sixes are, but unlike
Fives, Sixes tend to be practical. Finally, conterphobic Sixes can
easily mistype as Eights, but they lack the Eight's self-certainty.And here is my "wing type,"

Enneagram Type 5 - The Investigator

Thinkers who tend to withdraw and observePeople
of this personality type essentially fear that they don't have enough
inner strength to face life, so they tend to withdraw, to retreat into
the safety and security of the mind where they can mentally prepare for
their emergence into the world. Fives feel comfortable and at home in
the realm of thought. They are generally intelligent, well read and
thoughtful and they frequently become experts in the areas that capture
their interest. While they are sometimes scientifically oriented,
especially with the Six wing, just as many Fives are drawn to the
humanities and it is not at all uncommon for Fives to have artistic
inclinations. Fives are often a bit eccentric; they feel little need to
alter their beliefs to accommodate majority opinion, and they refuse to
compromise their freedom to think just as they please. The problem for
Fives is that while they are comfortable in the realm of thought, they
are frequently a good deal less comfortable when it comes to dealing
with their emotions, the demands of a relationship, or the need to find a
place for themselves in the world. Fives tend to be shy, nonintrusive,
independent and reluctant to ask for the help that others might well be
happy to extend to them.Fives are sensitive; they don't feel adequately defended against the
world. To compensate for their sensitivity, Fives sometimes adopt an
attitude of careless indifference or intellectual arrogance, which has
the unfortunate consequence of creating distance between themselves and
others. Trying to bridge the distance can be difficult for Fives, as
they are seldom comfortable with their social skills, but when they do
manage it, they are often devoted friends and life long companions.Fives are usually somewhat restrained when it comes to emotional
expression, but they often have stronger feelings than they let on. Few
people know what is going on beneath the surface, as Fives have an often
exaggerrated need for privacy and a deep seated fear of intrusion.
Because of their sensitivity and their fears of inadequacy, Fives fear
being overwhelmed, either by the demands of others or by the strength of
their own emotions. They sometimes deal with this by developing a
minimalistic lifestyle in which they make few demands on others in
exchange for few demands being made on them. Other Fives make their
peace with the messiness of life and engage it more fully, but they
almost always retain their fears that life is somehow going to demand
more of them than they can deliver.Fives, especially with the Four wing, sometimes mistype themselves as Fours.
Such Fives recognize that they have strong emotions and don't identify
with the often extremely cerebral portrait of type Five. But, Fives,
unlike Fours, always retain some degree of discomfort when it comes to
the expression of their emotional states. However much facility they may
gain with it, the language of emotion is not their native tongue.