Monday, June 6, 2011

Maraschino Cherry Incident

I just got back from Vegas, but wanted to send an update up until Thursday as I think Vegas is going to need its own space and time. I apologize for the lack of imagery—but at least I got it out on time right!? J

The other night, Lucas asked me to open a Maraschino Cherry jar. I don’t know my own brute strength b/c I ripped the top of the jar right off. I immediately responded “I think we have bleeder!” but I wasn’t actually definitively sure b/c of all the grenadine. Without pause (to clean up the mess) Lucas took a cherry out of the jar and ate it.

Me: You can’t eat that! You’re going to die!

Lucas: The perfect kiss is the kiss of death, Tiffany.

Lucas decided he needed an old skater/heath ledger movie so he pulled out his piggy bank/batman lunch box and started counting quarters. Lucas said, “I am going to pay them in quarters and they have to accept it as legal tender it says right here for all debts public or private.” He then proceeded to sit down in the middle of Silver Platters and recount his quarters. Classic Luke.

Jen: Maybe I shouldn’t be telling you all of my baking secrets.

Dawne: Look who you are talking to.

Hays (Jen’s Husband) on looking at cruises when you get stressed out: I see these rooms with all of these beds and I think “If I was Tiger Woods, I wonder what I would do in these rooms?”

And then to Dawne: You and I should take a cruise together.

Rach: I’ve been reading a book on women’s brains.

Jen: Pretty short book? Lots of tangents?

Dawne: What are you having?

Gin: A Girl!

Dawne: We’re having a Boy! (“we” being Shane, Cathy, and Dawne apparently.)

Shana: Lily! Your socks match your shirt! That’s awesome!

Lily: Clearly, my socks are a different shade, Shana.

Jamie: You have 20 seconds to comment on how I just brought in a plate full of Weiners.

Me: Yea. I would never do that. Dirty is over in that corner. I’m the sarcasm department.

(Ten minutes later, while Jamie was serving himself a brat)

Me: That’s a fine piece of meat you have there.

While watching Four Weddings and a Funeral there was a scene in which Hugh Grant meets Andie McDowall in her hotel room and they get it on.
Nate: What kind of message is this sending to Lucas!?

Lucas: What? This is what happens on every first date.

Nate: You are setting yourself up for a lifetime of disappointment.

While Jamie was playing with Lily, he put her headband on his head to which Lily responded: Oh Jamie! You’re silly. You don’t have any hair!

Cathy was telling us all about how the citizenship exam, and as she was speaking she was waving around (unconsciously) the sad American Flag I bought her.

Hays: You’re going to poke your eye out with that flag.

Shane: She can’t handle the freedom!

Shana: I am only coming to a Nun-Chuck party if we can chuck actual nuns.

At Outback

Me: That baby is so cute.

Dawne: Yea. If we stole her we could totally show up Jen and Lily.

Me: That would be so mean!

Lucas: It’s also a capital offense.

Dawne: Oh is it? Than you better do it.

Me: I have a very good rememory.

Lucas: You can’t even remember how to say it. It’s “Remembery.”

Efron, on dinner at comet tavern before the gig: Oh they have hot dogs!? Imma get my wallet!

Chris: You should have people start calling you Tiffunny so people know (that you are hilarious.)

On cubicles vs offices:

Chris: It's risky because you only have one chance to have elaborate conversations about the downfall of Tim Burton's career

Me: Oh. I see the problem. Plus, in order to make friends you have to really go in and make an effort at DC Comics, I would just yell out snarky comments until they accepted me.

Chris: At Pokemon, I just yelled out snarky comments 'til I accepted you

Me: I'm so pleased to hear you accepted me given that I don't recall an end to the snarky comments.

Chris: "acceptance" = "not tattling to HR on me"

Me: It's not a good picture. I sacrificed my image for the sake of humor.