Take a private jet to a Far East to suffer a mislaid universe of stress-free travel

I was cleaning out an aged case for storing artefacts that will perplex destiny generations – namely printed photographs and aged cassettes – when we found a journal from 1954.

There were intolerable headlines about crime in Africa, and an advert for Pan American Airlines. A lady in a neat herringbone shawl was being served cooking on a bone-china image – ‘wonderful dishes aloft by Maxim’s of Paris’, pronounced a ad. Men dressed like Hitchcock heroes conversed in a ‘double-decked entirely stocked Lounge Bar’.

They all looked so relaxed. It finished me prolonged for a days when we could shun a frozen Britain in style.

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It’s all going swimmingly: Jane poses as a charmer during the Vana Nava H2O park in Hua Hin

And afterwards we perceived an email from Anne-Lise, from a InterContinental hotel group, who wanted to take me behind to a golden age of entirely serviced travel.

I’d fly around Thailand and Vietnam by private jet and have my possess servant during any destination. Apparently, a organisation is bringing behind oppulance and character in ways not seen given Richard Burton got down on one knee to introduce to Elizabeth Taylor, afterwards forgot since he was holding a solid and duly upheld out.

I’m customarily customarily happy to revisit bars where your feet don’t hang to a floor, yet Anne-Lise pronounced one of my treats would engage a wine-tasting event followed by a float on a behind of an elephant. Three bottles of Chateau de Siam and a half-ton furious animal… what could presumably go wrong?

I waved goodbye to my mom and headed for Heathrow. The full use began on a Thai Airways flight: a stewardess brought me macadamias and showed me a symbol on my outrageous chair. It pronounced MASSAGE. The moody incited into a ten-hour behind rub, and a pleasant organisation even waived a order about not portion pinot noir if we seem inebriated.

Touching down in Bangkok, we was handed a cold towel and put in a limo. We finished a approach to a city’s InterContinental, where Anne-Lise was watchful with a Bloody Mary and a conduct massage. Full service, it seemed, meant everybody was nice. I’ve listened there are villages in a Hebrides where this still happens, yet I’m from London and it took some removing used to.

After I’d staid in, a hotel trainer Amadeo, a consanguine male who reminded me of Marlon Brando in The Godfather, invited us for cocktails. Apparently InterContinental wants to redefine a tenure ‘concierge’. A concierge, pronounced The Godfather, should be a best staff member in a world. ‘We even sight staff in physique language,’ pronounced Amadeo. Instantly, a waiter did indeed review my physique language, that said: ‘OK then, fill her up.’

Steady as she goes: Jane centre on house Exceptional House as during a Monsoon winery circuitously Hua Hin

Afterwards, we found a image of handmade chocolates in my room, and an succulent needle coop and ink well. Well, during slightest we wish it was edible, and not a precious antique.

The subsequent morning a second leg of my life of oppulance got underneath way. If you’ve ever wondered what private jets are like, they’re infrequently low-key: confidence is watchful instead of intimately compromising – a authorities have apparently motionless that if it’s your possess plane, you’re doubtful to explosve it. Climb customarily 3 stairs and you’re in a limo hurtling by air.

I chatted with a upbeat steward, who was handing out Pringles. He told me that his mom left propagandize during ten, yet by a age of 18 she ran her possess road-building firm. That’s interesting, we said, handing him an dull frail parcel and burping.

‘If Mum saw a good tract along a road,’ he continued to himself happily, ‘she bought it! This plane’s named after her.’

Picking Pringles out my teeth, we realised a male we was articulate to was not a valet yet a former emissary primary apportion of Thailand, a gazillionaire owners of a jet and a review in Hua Hin where we were heading.

After touching down in Hua Hin, on a Gulf of Thailand, we finished a approach to a InterContinental Hua Hin resort. This was 5 stars all right. My desirable servant Anna took my bag and pronounced she could arrange for me to wash in divert if we so desired.

I spent a days sprawled on daybeds and in a dusk ate artistic duck skewers in a plush colonial Clubhouse. Apart from a sunbathing, there was copiousness to do. There’s even an art centre here for portrayal classes, and staff solemnly supposing appealing artworks for us to copy. Luxury means meaningful you’re talented.

Laid back: Loungers during InterContinental Danang Sun Peninsula Resort in Vietnam that has won a World’s Leading Luxury Resort endowment twice

But could Anna make me feel serene? At 6am one morning, she led me to a beach where Buddhist monks were handing out absolute blessings. Within hours, my wish was granted: someone put a GT in one palm and an oyster in a other. we was finally starting to feel like a lady in that Pan Am ad.

Until, that is, we saw a hulk elephant watchful for me after that day during Monsoon Valley winery. She was called Exceptional House, and was a distance of one, and also gimlet a flitting similarity to Gerard Depardieu. She eyed me, and not come-hitherly. ‘I’ll wait until everyone’s disproportionate after lunch,’ we thought. ‘Then run divided and censor in a car.’

I was questionable of Thai wine, as you’d be questionable of French toothpaste, yet it was one of a best lunches I’ve ever had: 3 hours long, with whirls of fluffy, melting fois gras on crispy toast, and a tasty rosé, Monsoon Valley Shiraz. I’d suggest it even if we hadn’t had 3 glasses.

But Exceptional House hadn’t left away. In fact, she was staring during me. Climbing aboard, we betrothed a monks that if we got off alive, I’d stop celebration and never do anything stupid again.

Jane in her massage chair on a Thai Airways flight

Obviously we reneged on that guarantee since half an hour after we was removing prepared for an underwater photography event during a circuitously Vana Nava H2O park.

The park was fun – we can be incited into an underwater angel, Dracula, or a bride, yet my H2O woe concerned starring as The Not So Sober Little Mermaid.

Apparently, a pivotal to holding your exhale underwater for dual mins with both feet lashed in a hulk flipper and your knees wedged together is to relax. Some hope.

The InterContinental motionless we hadn’t seen adequate oppulance yet, so it threw open a former stately palace, La Residence Royale, a intemperate bower subsequent to a categorical hotel where tennis star Rafael Nadal has stayed. For a record, Nadal loves prawn crackers and tom yum with additional garlic. we sat in his bath – it was so large we could have finished laps.

Chef Glen churned adult crispy sugar baby squid, lobster, oysters, poached prawns and Alaskan crab legs. The categorical march wasn’t bad either. At this point, a reduction demure chairman would have asked Anna to lift them off to bed. we manfully walked all a way. I’m certain there’s something wrong with entirely serviced travel, yet by now we couldn’t see it – or my feet.

The subsequent day we took a moody from Hua Hin to Koh Samui, where we were picked adult by speedboat to take us around a seashore to a subsequent resort, Baan Taling Ngam. During a tour a male seemed from next rug like a genie with a wine licence, portion champagne.

If we wish a wow factor, Baan Taling Ngam has a kind of wow customarily listened from Kanye West looking in a mirror. My villa had a possess pool and eight-person tub.

Endless golden beaches: The Danang Sun peninsula

The beach is overwhelming and a review binds many weddings. ‘One husband and best male even arrived by speedboat in tuxedos and shorts,’ pronounced a marriage co-ordinator Petra, ‘and a bride arrived on an elephant.’ ‘Then we have fireworks, and we customarily detonate into tears,’ combined her co-worker Marcel.

A new servant called Steven stepped up. ‘Hello, Miss Bussmann,’ he pronounced – going on to explain that ‘staff are given guests’ photos, so they recognize you.’ That’s not a bad thought – we infrequently don’t recognize people I’ve lived with for years.

Steve took me to a spa, we had a cookery doctrine with cook Gilbert, where we finished a ideal pad Thai, and after we had a beach grill with a showstopper of a dance involving dual men, a bottle of lighter fuel and a box of matches: we consternation if they’re a strange line-up.

For dessert we had a chocolate origination with caramel sauce. we don’t consider I’ll ever be so happy again.

Our butlers after floated candles out to sea; we visualize all a people we don’t like, afterwards send a candles divided opposite a waves. Frankly I’d need a people trafficker to understanding with a numbers, yet it was a start.

With a stay in Thailand now over, it was time to conduct to beside Vietnam. We were met during Saigon airfield by James Young, a InterContinental’s ubiquitous manager for Indochina. James, a courteous Englishman in a Panama hat, brought accurately what you’d wish an Englishman in a Panama shawl should move – a unstable bar with champagne and sushi – before Vietnam Airlines carried us away.

Jane’s favourite Pad Thai (left) and a accessible member of staff during a InterContinental Hotel (right)

There’s no approach to ready for InterContinental’s Danang Sun Peninsula review to a north of Saigon on a South China Sea. It’s as yet 1930s film executive Busby Berkeley has combined a Hollywood house in a rainforest above a white-sand beach. You design top-hatted dancers to arise from a forever pool and spin around a Art Deco bar.

The review has won a World’s Leading Luxury Resort endowment twice and it’s easy to see why: if a other resorts are about oppulance to relax you, Danang is about oppulance to blow your mind. Everything from a nightclub adult a towering with tip leather chillout rooms, to a cinema like Grauman’s Chinese Theatre in Los Angeles, is incredible.

We saw Vietnam by helicopter, as we do, and went selling for promotion posters in a city of Hoi An. And finally it was cooking time again, with a grill now adult to 3 Michelin stars.

I wish everybody could try a white-glove party in one of Pierre Gagnaire’s private dining bedrooms during a Maison 1888 during a resort. we will accommodate other starters before we die, yet when we contend we adore them, I’ll be meditative of that lobster bisque in Vietnam.

When it was time to leave a resort, staff had to prize me divided from my latest butler, Miss Chau; she even packaged for me.

But it wasn’t over since InterContinental has a possess VIP loll in Danang airport. Luxury? The atmosphere was scented with lemongrass. we might have had a world-class massage while eating chocolate gelato and celebration fresh-pressed watermelon – or maybe it was all a dream.

Arriving on my mother’s doorstep behind in Britain, we hold my bag out for a full 30 seconds and she didn’t even offer to take it. She apparently hadn’t review my physique language, that said: ‘8am is a excellent time for champagne, Mother, and yes, we have some laundry.’

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