Australia to “strongly consider” returning Whistler to Canada

WHISTLER, AUSTRALIA—The Australian government is reportedly “strongly considering” returning the resort town of Whistler back to Canada. Known locally as ‘Whistralia’, Whistler, is the most densely populated area of Australian nationals, in the world.

The village is located two hours north of Vancouver, BC, and has been under Australian rule since the late 19th century when a tourist named Anthony Abbott, claimed Whistler under “the name of Australia”. Not wanting to “create a fuss”, Canadian locals simply allowed it and were swiftly deported to nearby Squamish.

In 2001 following a “free movement agreement”, the first non-Australian began working on the Whistler-Blackcomb mountains, immigrating from New Zealand. To date, over 10 non-Australian nationals currently live in the territory, a sign of the Oceanian country’s “softening” approach towards immigration.

Whistler’s longest living resident, a 27-year-old man from Sydney, arrived 3 years ago. He said he’s seen “so many changes over the years”, and that he “hardly recognizes the place”. “It’s so commercial, it’s like a cold Disneyland for adults. And there’s way too many tourists.”

The Canadian government has long campaigned for Whistler to return to its “rightful home” and appear to be close to a deal with their Aussie counterparts. A government spokesman told reporters: “If anyone’s going to exploit Canada’s natural resources for profit, it’s going to be us.”

Stunned Whistler or “Whissie” residents are desperately searching for a new place to live and Tofino on Vancouver Island, appears to be the frontrunner. “We’re told we can ski there, but not on snow,” said one local, “I’m interested to see how this will work.”