Many people were happily boarding the Titanic II, which urged celebrities such as Oprah Winfrey, Octomom, Barack Obama, Betty White, and Sarah Palin to board. It was reported that when Jay Leno attempted to board, he was prohibited because he didn't pay the luggage fee for his chin. It is also said that Rush Limbaugh was denied access.

As the Titanic II sets sail on her maiden voyage, I have this declaration to say: the Titanic II is unsinkable. And furthermore, it is unbeachable. We left beaching for whales and for the cast of Jersey Shore.

Everyone onboard suffered a painful and gorey death; Sarah Palin was taking her two pet grues, Ronald and Dubya onboard. The two escaped after the collision. Is is also noted that GLaDOS released toxic neurotoxins and that HAL 9000 refused to open the pod bay doors of the ship. The lone survivor of the Titanic II was Betty White, who hid in a large refridgerator full of meat. Apparently, she met Lady Gaga in there as well, who was foraging for meat to make her meat dress; however, the smell of her meat dress attracted the grues, who consequently ate her soul.

Below is an eyewitness clip of a passerby who watched the Titanic II crash. It may cause younger viewers to randomly regurgitate at syncopated intervals.

Sources

The ██████████ ████████████████████████ of America

The Official ████████████████████████████████ of the ████████████████ (Subsidiary of the CIA)