I'll come right out and say it: We men are terrified of Paul Rudd. Considering our body odor, interest in football, and general puzzlement concerning things like extended conversations and feelings, it's tough for us to envision competing with a dude who has it all. I can feel what little of a man-card I have left disintegrating into a fine powder when I say this, but my God, the boyish good looks. The winning personality. The ability to get away with guest-starring on Friendsand popularizing a catchphrase involving the term sex panther. His special helmet that controls ants!

Wait. That last part. That was confusing.

I'd been thinking we may have to call the UN weapons inspectors out of Iran and have them look strongly at the growth of Paul Rudd's charm, but the crisis may have been averted, as it was recently announced that Rudd's in final talks to take the lead role in The Human CentipedeAnt-Man, a new superhero film to be directed by Shaun of the Dead and Scott Pilgrim vs. the World helmer Edgar Wright. And yes, the basic idea of the source material for this flick is that a scientist, to be played by Rudd, develops a helmet that allows him to control ants and a chemical that allows him to change his size, becoming either hundreds of times larger or smaller depending on whether he wants to shop at Baby Gap or the big-and-tall section at Walmart.

Read that summarizing sentence and tell me it doesn't sound like the product of a screenwriter on the most incredible hallucinogens ever invented. At the least, you'd be hard-pressed to argue that we're not approaching the bottom of the superhero barrel; it's tough to imagine millions of people sprinting out to theaters across the country to watch a man with an army of ants (then again, we do love Duck Dynasty).

Even characters on the periphery of the cultural landscape can be entertaining, though, if the right people are involved. Rudd and Wright have both been on professional hot streaks as of late that likely justify the proverbial benefit of the doubt, especially if this movie acts as another link in Marvel's unstoppable money factory of superhero movies. It's hard to not anticipate that'll be the case, as in the comics, Ant-Man was one of the founding members of — you guessed it — The Avengers. Get ready for the Rudd vs. Downey Jr. charm-off, America.