U.S. re-starts secret testing of the word ‘nuke-u-lor’

Reports from monitoring stations have confirmed that the United States has restarted underground testing of the word ‘nuke-ulor’. The reports have been greeted with dismay by the international community. UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon describing the move as ‘an act of harassment, but without the emphasis on the second syllable of harassment’.

Monitoring stations have been noting the incidence of the pronunciation on a number of drivetime radio shows across America’s West coast. The usage is thought to have been prompted by a rare outbreak of international news in the US media. Observers are concerned that the usage may escalate to network TV channels. There is also worry that America has the capability to direct the word towards a number of key overseas media, including Radio 4’s Today programme and BBC2’s Newsnight.

Only last year the US had agreed on a moratorium on the use of ‘nuke-ulor’, along with ‘Eye-rark’, ‘aloo-min-um’. These were agreed in exchange for a number of UK concessions, including permanent decommissioning of the words ‘indubitably’ and ‘estimable’,

Despite concern about the stand-off, a number of international commentators are suggesting that the actions of the last 24 hours are in fact aimed at the country’s domestic audience. ‘This always happens at times of economic uncertainty.’ claims Anthony Spleigh professor of militaristico-linguistics at University College, London, England ‘government sources stir up a wave of linguistic ‘Pay-tree-it-ism’ Sources start leaking rumours about secret linguistic fission centres, and ‘MUSS-aile’ testing in underground ‘LAB-ur-Tor-ees’ and ‘LY-ber-ees’. I’m sure their secretive leader president Ba-RARK Obama will soon bow to pressure if other nations stand firm. The last time the UN threatened to ‘debrief’ President Bush he soon changed his tune and rapidly called the whole thing off.’