On This Groundhog Day Let’s See What Other Predictions Punxsutawney Phil Has For Us

If Punxsutawney Phil could talk he’d probably tell all those men in top hats to back the fuck off and leave him the hell alone.

Every February 2nd the mildly crazy people of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania gather around their beloved Phil before sunrise and wait to see whether the little devil is going to see his shadow. No shadow means spring is on its way, while if he does see his shadow then we must endure six more weeks of winter. Well, in case you were wondering, the furball saw his shadow this morning, so six more weeks it is. Although based on the weather these last few days, Phil might be losing his touch.

Phil has been making these predictions since 1887 with, according to the StormFax Weather Almanac, an accuracy rate of only 39%. But that percentage doesn’t seem to affect the tradition nor does it shake the legend that’s it’s been the same Phil who’s been doing all these prediction for the past 120+ years.

How does a groundhog that has a maximum lifespan of six years in the wild and 10 years in captivity manage to live so long? Groundhog Elixir, of course. Each summer, so as to keep himself alive and kicking and making predictions, Phil is given a sip of the Elixir that is comprised of “mostly of orphan blood, which magically lengthens his life for seven years.” This is distributed by the Inner Circle members of the Groundhog Club, which is safe to assume are those men in the top hats.

OK.

But instead of keeping his predictions to just seasons, let’s see what other insight Phil has to offer.