Who knows? It changes all the time…

I love celebrity gossip. People is one of my favorite websites. But oh. my. god. Why are people like Jon and Spencer famous? And how much more stupid can Heidi get? Every time I think she couldn’t get any dumber, I’m surprised by how low she sinks.

First, let’s talk about Jon. He was fired from Jon and Kate Plus 8, and now he’s banned the show from filming, citing his concerns over his children. Um..please. Where was your concern when you were sleeping with your wife’s plastic surgeon’s daughter or your nanny? Where was your concern when you bought your condo in New York that made you feel like the good ol’ high school days? Please. You’re an immature jerk whose only concern is to get back at your wife. Get a life.

And Spencer. I mean, I really wish someone would just go ahead and get it over with and just knock this guy out. I mean, how much lower can you get than threatening your wife with divorce or adoption if she gets pregnant? And Heidi? You’re a stupid, stupid girl. You’re with someone who has actually said PUBLICLY that he is not having sex with you because he doesn’t want you to get pregnant. Could you please have a little more self-respect than that? Not only does he not want you to have his child, but he’ll leave you if you do get pregnant, and he shares your dirty laundry with the whole world.

I’ve been MIA the past couple of weeks after my rather fun (at least, to me) last post. Here’s why:

I started grad school in August. Holy. Crap.

It’s terrifying. I’ve only been out of school for three years, and I feel like a fish out of water. I’m doing an online master’s course at West Virginia University , and the first week, we had an orientation quiz. As I was getting ready to click on the button saying “Begin Assessment” I froze.

What if I don’t know the answers?

That’s what ran through my mind at the last second. Then a whole slew of thoughts:

What if I fail?

How did I do this from kindergarten through college and not freak out and lose my mind?

Am I really going to be a student again? And every day for the next two years (possibly longer!!!)?

Did I really decide to give up alcohol? Because I could surely use a beer right now.

After flailing about for a few minutes, I mentally slapped myself across the face. My next internal conversation went something like this:

Get a grip. Your mother did this while working full time and taking care of two kids. I’m pretty sure you can handle Freckles and Jonathan.

So…I’m handling it. I hope to still have time to contribute regularly to this blog and my other one, which hasn’t been very active for a good reason (other than my minor meltdown mentioned above).

When I tell people that I work in PR, sometimes I get a coy little smirk and a smart remark; something along the lines of “Oh, so you spin stuff? Make the public think everything is all good.” And depending on who it is, I either roll my eyes and answer back just as sarcastically, or I suppress the urge to chew them out. But I can see where they get that impression. Let’s walk through a few examples from the celebrity world:

Paris Hilton’s arrest: When Paris Hilton was arrested, locked up, famously released, then just as famously locked up again, she promised that prison had changed her and that she wanted to make a change in the world when she got out for good.

Jon Gosselin (who is hardly a celebrity, but I can’t seem to go to People without seeing his face): He and Kate have chronicled their flailing marriage on TLC. When they broke up earlier this year, Jon said his focus right now is his children.

Michael Vick: He spent 21 months in jail (two more in home confinement) for dogfighting and upon his release, he partnered with the Humane Society to prevent others from being so cruel. He’s now signed with the Eagles and wants “to be part of the solution and not the problem.”

These are the answers that were put together by publicists, managers, agents and the like, all engaged in some sort of PR. But PLEASE, I would love to just hear one celebrity be honest and real. You know who did well with that? Jenny Sanford, who told media outlets that she had no idea where her husband was while he was in Argentina with his lover. She didn’t stand stupidly by his side at the press conference while he aired all his dirty laundry. She was a mother and a wife first, and the fact that she was a governor’s wife didn’t matter to her.

Let’s re-write the examples above to reflect what they would have said if they’d been as honest as Jenny Sanford.

Paris Hilton: Prison was sooooo not hot. I couldn’t do stuff like prance around in a teeny bikini, dance on a bar or carry my Chihuahua around in my purse. So lame. Now that I’m out, I’m just going to prance around beaches and make out with guys who are obviously with me to inflate their own egos.

Jon Gosselin: Dude, Kate’s a bitch. I got saddled with so much more than I can handle at age 32. Now, I just want to be irresponsible and selfish and jet around the world with my inappropriate girlfriends. Who cares that I’m a father of eight kids who had no choice in the matter of being born to greedy parents? We can hang out when they’re old enough to come to the bar with me.

Michael Vick: OK, so I don’t have too much hate for Vick. Dogfighting is awful and heartless, and he should be punished for what he did. But there are players throughout the NFL who have rap sheets galore. And they’re still playing. Vick shouldn’t have his career ruined for this, but come on. Wanting “to be part of the solution and not the problem” is definitely lawyer-speak. I’d have a lot more respect for you if you’d just come out and say I f*d up, I did my time, and now I’m ready to get out there and play football. I regret what I did, but I’m not going to let it define me and I hope you don’t either.

Can I just have a moment to complain about how UGLY one piece bathing suits are? I went shopping for one today, because the boyfriend’s parents are coming this weekend, and we’re headed to the lake. I’m not too comfortable throwing on any of my bikinis, so I headed out on my lunch break to see if I could quickly pick up a nice, simple, black one piece.

I was SO wrong! During lunch, I visited three stores. Nothing but string bikinis and board shorts. After work, I headed to the mall, where I had to visit three more stores before finding a suit that is still absolutely hideous, but beats going to the lake in my bikini.

Throughout my shopping excursion, I realized two things about one piece bathing suits: they either come with lots of padding, unfortunate looking straps or skirts, and they lack any kind of support whatsoever. I’m not talking emotional support. I’m talking about boobs.

NEWSFLASH: That little flap of material with the tissue paper you call lining is not doing me any favors. And just because I’m looking for a one piece does not mean I want to be seen in large floral patterns, shiny psychodelic colors or large stripes. So that pretty much rules out every single bathing suit in every single store in this town.

And one other thing: those one pieces that have the gold rings between the boobs and are cut out in the middle and look like they should only be worn with heels…they only look good on those Victoria’s Secret chicks.

Really? It’s actually quite hard for me to even write anything about this news because everything that comes to mind is sarcastic, juvenile and downright mean. Has this woman not learned anything while in school? It’s really easy to blame career services for your unemployment while covering up your own laziness. There are plenty of reasons why her resumes and cover letters are being ignored. And they have nothing to do with how much help career services is giving her.

When I first graduated college, I entered the job search very half-heartedly. I penned a cover letter that I used for every single job, except where I filled in the correct date, job title and company. I never followed up with potential employers; I just assumed they’d gotten my resume, didn’t care for it and put it at the bottom of the pile. All I was doing was going through the motions.

It took a few months before I realized I just didn’t want a job. I wasn’t ready, and it showed. So instead I spent a year traveling, working as a nanny and creating a “before-I-enter-the-real-world-I-want-to-do-this” list. It included learning to cook, driving across the US and visiting a foreign country. I moved home (thanks, Mom!), cracked open my Better Homes and Gardens cookbook and recruited a travel buddy to go with me to Ireland . After a year, I drove across the country to move to Montana , a move that my family still doesn’t entirely understand.

When I got to Montana , it had been a year since my last failed job interview. But this was different—I was not only moving out on my own; I was 2500 miles from the nearest family member. I burned through my nanny income with the trip to Ireland and the move, and I needed a job fast. Not only that, but I wanted a job. I had accomplished what I had set out to do, and I felt a little more focused on the task of applying not only my technical skills, but also my passion and love for the field. Instead of sending out blanket cover letters and resumes, I tailored each one, called to follow up and even came up with a good answer when asked why I took a year off between graduation and employment. That answer even got me the second interview and eventually the job, where I spent 9 months before moving to my current job.

My point is this: regardless of how much (or how little) help career services gives you, there are many, many other factors that come into play during a job search. One major issue in this case is probably the state of the economy and the general outlook for new jobs in the near future. I would hope that this woman graduated knowing she would probably have a hard time getting a job. You’d have to be hiding under a rock to be ignorant of our current situation.

Another thing—you also can’t sit at your computer, send out a few emails and hope that you stand out. There are so many other ways to get in touch with an employer these days. LinkedIn and Twitter are two of my favorites. And unless the application specifically says not to, you can always ask to introduce yourself to the hiring manager if dropping off a resume in person. Thank you notes after an interview are also a must.

Revamping her job application techniques is what she should be focused on, as opposed to wasting time, money and energy suing an entity that will probably win in the long run. Oh, and what about not burning bridges? College professors can provide great recommendations. Why risk losing that?

OK, I’m probably going to get raked over the coals on this one, but at least I know that going in. So here goes…

If there is one group of bloggers that I absolutely cannot stand, it would be mommy bloggers. And now they’ve given me even more reason for disdain. Apparently, they have just become oh-so-important that it’s stressing them out and they’re becoming overwhelmed. To recoup, they’re taking a vacation. The week of August 10, they will institute a PR Blackout, during which they will not promote a brand or speak to publicists who are trying to push product.

OK, wait. Am I missing something? What is it about being pumped full of free goodies that causes so much terrifying anxiety and stress? And why is it such a big deal for advertisers? There are plenty of families out there who are clamoring for a chance to promote a product. With all the social media opportunities floating around, what makes these mommy bloggers so special? Yeah, yeah, they are a great way to get cheap publicity and moms listen to other moms, yada, yada. But let’s face it, without free loot, there’s nothing to write about. And without anything to write about, there are fewer readers, fewer women taking advice from the mothers who have always had it. Did these women forget about that when they declared themselves oh-so-important and imposed their own rules? The relationship between products and bloggers is a trade-off, and if you start playing hardball, so will the product advertisers. At least, that’s what they should do. Social media is a valuable tool, and its explosion in the past few years has created a lot of non-traditional advertising and promotional opportunities. But it’s also taken away the control of the message from companies that throw all of their eggs into one basket (anyone remember the Skittles debacle?), and that should never happen.

Marketers should take this week of so-called vacation time and carve out a new plan of attack. One that doesn’t involve inflated egos and whiny bloggers.