The Bachelorette Season 10, Episode 8: Hometown Stops

One Sentence Summary: The Hometowns are upon us as the final four pray their families play it sane for a day.

Our Thoughts:

Do not dare speak of things not directly related to me.

Rachel: Oh boy, it’s hometowns. Time to get real with the ‘rents. Yes, it’s the part of this charade where people’s children bring home a stranger that is dating 3 other people and everyone pretends it’s normal. You know, because it’s every parents dream to have their kid pathetically drool over someone they’ve known for less than 2 months and has given nothing more in return than a few rounds of tonsil hockey. It’s actually shocking that there aren’t more parents that call shenanigans on the whole thing. Aside from the fact that I’m pretty sure my parents wouldn’t indulge me this nonsense, I cannot imagine my father remotely thinking it was fantastic that some dude was playing me a like a corner store harmonica. I actually have no idea what that means, but I think it’s allusion to being cheap. Go with it. Yeah, my dad would be the one on the couch in his “Sarcasm Is Just One Of My Many Talents” t-shirt flipping through the channels on TV waiting for everyone to leave. Well, if I ever become the Cougar Bachelorette, I’ll just have to Rent-A-‘Rent. Let’s work on that…

Melissa: I know… I know… where have I been?? It’s the day job my friends… creates havoc on my romance with “quality” television. My DVR is a nightmare of shows craving my attention. Fortunately, I’ve been able to keep up with Miss Andi’s antics through my partner’s genius write-ups. I’m happy to say Farmer Ted, sorry Farmer Chris is still around. (I’m not really a farmer. I’m a freshman.) I know, just wanted to work in an obscure movie reference. Chris is my favorite, so I’m tickled he’s still around to make my viewing less painful. I’m also glad I’m back for the Hometown Dates. You all know how much I love a hometown date. Yes, it’s the trip that can make or break the relationship depending how much the fam has bought into this pomp and circumstance dating.

Cheesy

Stop It! They sell food… inside???

Rachel: Stop 1 – Milwaukee, WI

We start with Nick and his family. I wonder if they know he’s insane. Or maybe you lose track of sanity when you have 10 kids. It makes me kind of crazy just thinking about 10 children… in one house… at the same time. And why must he always wear the scarf? Is it really that cold everywhere?

Anyway, they start the date at the city’s indoor food market and she is, once again, jaw-droppingly excited. It’s a fucking food market. You didn’t guess within $100 and win the entire Showcase Showdown. I mean I like me a good cheesemonger, but it’s not like I’m discovering cheese every time he slices me a piece of Manchego. Her Willy-Wonka-Wonderment makes me a little bananas.

Next, they go to a brewery. She’s never been to a brewery before and I’m concerned she may pop a blood vessel when she sees that they have a special “Nick & Andi” brew. While they sip their blessed hops, the band kicks up a nice polka, because nothing says romance like the polka. Wait, did she just ask what the polka is? For real? But hey, she’s game to give it a shot. Yeah, neither of them should be dancing. At all.

Melissa: Aw look at Andi with her scarf, wind blown hair and deep thoughts. It’s her time with Nick and forcing her to wear a cheese wedge on her head. I’m thinking that there would be cause for the brakes where I’m concerned.

Oh please let them do a Laverne and Shirley in the brewery!! No, we’re going to go with the Nick & Andi beer… ugh. What does that taste like? Delusional desperation with a hint of hoppy narcissism? Hey at least there’s polka, and Andi can’t dance so this is awesome. I guess it’s working, because she likes Milwaukee Nick.

Eh, what’s one more?

Rachel: Finally, it’s time to go home and meet the family. Wow, there are lot of people there. Did everyone need to show up? That woman could not have birthed ten children. She’s the one that should have her own TV show. How is it that Nick can’t look anyone in the eyes when speaking?

Nick talks to his sister (you know I can never bother to catch a name) and he tells her that he loves Andi. Sis is shocked, but thinks Andi seems real… though it’s in an inflated situation. Uh yeah, you could say that. Nick says that Andi doesn’t make him laugh. She makes him smile. Hmmm…

Maria – caught it – is not sold until she talks to Andi. Maria says that she’s concerned because Nick has experienced some pretty serious heartbreak. As soon as Andi hears any type of doubt creep in, on goes the fish lip pout. Yeah, our girl doesn’t like to hear anything but positivitay. But Maria doesn’t want him hurt again. Andi responds with a lot of “likes” about this like relationship and like getting hurt and like stuff, but that’s just like relationships she like guesses. God, the look of disgust on Andi’s face is no joke. Honey, don’t ever play in a poker tournament. The stank face gonna give you away every time. Well, Maria isn’t 100% sold, but she’s in if they’re both in.

Next the littlest of the bunch has some questions for Andi as well. Andi tries to explain her “mental connection” to Nick to a 6-year-old (assumed age… I don’t research that either). She asks if Andi truly loves her brother. Andi skirts the issue, because you know, contracts. Nick is next with the littlest and she remembers nothing of the conversation with Andi except that Andi said she really loves him… Wait, no, likes him. Way to set your brother up. You shouldn’t tease the beast like that. Better sleep with one eye open tonight, kid.

Mom and Nick time – Andi is the missing other half of him. Oh Lord, one sentence in and they’re both weepy. Does no one find this creepy? Like he’s going to skin Andi and wear her like a coat? He wants to tell Andi that he loves her. Mom just wants to see him happy, because he was so attentive to her needs growing up. So was Norman Bates, and we know how that worked out. Nick says he’s pretty sure he’s Andi’s favorite, however, he’s prepared for heartbreak.

Both Mom and Dad give their blessing. Oh, I didn’t realize Dad had a say in the matter since we barely heard word one from him. Goodbyes happen. Nick & his scarf think she’s his girl.

Melissa: So here we go… and sheesh that’s some peeps. How do they fit into that house? How many are there? I’m losing track… it’s like counting fish in a tank at Pet Smart.

So there’s love happening there for Nick and one of his random sisters wants to pretend-question his love for Andi. Andi knows Nick might get hurt, but she wants a husband so she needs to focus on that and not Nick’s feelings. OK, those weren’t her words, but that’s what I imagine her thinking.

Look at Little Bella all star-struck, so she can’t even focus to dish with her brother on what Andi said. Maybe they are better off having Bella pass notes in the hallway.

Look at Mom – not what I was expecting! Aw, she’s crying over wanting to see her boy happy and wants him to be prepared. Oh, don’t worry mom, he knows he’s Andi’s favorite. It’s a lock as far as he’s concerned. Plus, she passed the names test… so that scores her place with them and scores her a lip lock in the driveway.

Bachelor In Paradise

Rachel: Side note: Can we please pause a moment and enjoy the insanity that Bachelor In Paradise? Not gonna lie. I’m beyond stoked for this. Michelle Money and Clare from Juan Pablo’s season are going to have an epic fight. I just feel it in my bones. BTW, just looked up the cast for Bachelor in Paradise and there is an empty slot for one contestant and they’re from this show. That means one of these four is headed to Bachelor in Paradise with Marquel, Dylan and Cody. Hmmm… whoever will it be?

Melissa: Hang on now… there’s a Bachelor Pad island reunion?! You know I loves me some Bachelor rejects with a score to settle and self-importance to share – BRING IT ON! Oh, it has already been broughten! Can we skip the final rose and go straight to this?

Flying High

Is that an ear of corn or are you just happy to see me?

Rachel: Stop 2 – Arlington, IA

Yep, Arlington, Iowa. Population of 758. That’s right, 758 people all up in your business. Oh hey there Chris. Looking pretty dang cute in that vest. Seriously, they just make ’em cuter in the midwest. Andi is excited to be there, but knows it’s different when you live there. Yep, 758 people different. But seeing his hotness makes 757 people disappear. I’ll be here all night to do math, people. All night.

Andi is her usual jaw-dropping-excited self to be there. He shows her his house, which is pretty damn nice for a farmer. Okay, I have no idea what kind of digs a farmer lives in these days, but these ain’t too shabby. He takes her out on the giant tractor thing… tiller… man mobile. She gets a turn at the wheel and uses Chris’s lap as a booster seat. Yes, I’m sure he gave you a lift… Andi is going to pretend that they’re in the Italian countryside. Yeah, and I’m sure the wine is just as delicious.

Time to chat about his life and family while sitting in the middle of the fields. It’s important for Chris to be there, but she should know that he’s not a typical farmer. He wants her to be happy, but if she’s not happy with the lifestyle then it won’t matter who she’s with. Well, that’s very open-minded of him. I swear if she doesn’t pick him, I will be stalking all 758 people in that town until I find him and make that population 759. Granted, the population will return to 758 when the first snowflake falls. No seriously, it’s dead of summer in Florida and I’m in a sweatshirt and yoga pants. But, don’t get it twisted, I’ll make the most of those few months I’m there. Save me a seat on that tractor!

When Andi asks what she’d do for a living if she lived there, he says she can be a homemaker and I’m holding my breath waiting for the “but” part of that sentence. But, he says, there’s a huge population in Cedar Rapids where she could be a D.A. Exhale. HA! I knew those fuckers over at the Bachelor edited that preview to make him look like a caveman. She says she’s open to it. That’s why she’s there. And she sells her country-girl-ness by telling him she hunts and hangs out at a lake. Yeah, a lake house and a barn aren’t exactly the same thing, lady.

Wait, wait, wait… did he just have a plane fly overhead with a “Chris Loves Andi” sign? Yes, he did. She thinks it’s the cutest thing he’s ever done… in the 8 weeks she’s known him. Stop it! I think they may have sex right there in the corn fields. Hell with the Fantasy Suite. It’s the Fantasy Fields. Yeah, I’d plow his field any day.

Melissa: Finally, I get me some time with Chris. He was a favorite from the start and thankfully she hasn’t realized what a farmer’s life is really like and run for the hills, though I’m thinking tonight there might be a chance. Look at him all farmer’d up and looking over his land. No, that sound isn’t me smacking my lips like you’ve put a ribeye in front of me. Yes, she’s feeling open today, but do you think she’s wondering where the nearest Sephora is?

I don’t know, that didn’t seem like the warmest greeting… more like a I haven’t seen a restaurant for an hour, what the hell are we going to do today greeting. But hey, he has his own house, though I’m not sure why she seems shocked. Did you think he lived in a barn? I’ll tell you what, I’m loving farmer Chris even more, and I’d ride his tractor every day. I didn’t really mean for that to sound gross… or like I’d work the fields. It’s a slippery slope with me once I’ve had a few sips of the pinot. Well Andi’s buying into the hottie farmer as much as I am and even scoring herself a seat on his lap. Nice move there sweetie. I have to give you a high-five on that one.

So it’s the big talk of could she actually live in Iowa. Record scratch… she has the opportunity to be a homemaker. Oh boy, you need to refocus this conversation to becoming a judge in town!! No wait, scratch that! Nothing for you here. We’ll be needing a Chris season of The Bachelor. (Fingers crossed THOSE rumors are true!!) Wait, is she serious that she’s not a city girl because her family has a lake house? Oh, that makes you ready for the farm. HA… look at that declaration of love for Andi. Methinks someone might be having a little roll in the hay this afternoon.

Any woman who doesn’t put down the wine for a hug is a friend of mine.

Rachel: They head over to mom’s place, which I’m pretty sure is right next door to his pad… which makes things awfully cozy. Very cute family with lots of wine. Okay, liking Iowa more now that I know they sell wine somewhere in town. There is a town right? Gotta love a family that tells fart jokes at the dinner table. If you tell me there’s a cheese plate happening somewhere, I’m going to start packing my bags.

It’s time for Andi to meet the sisters, and they are Chris’s biggest cheering section. He’s smart, humble and very very successful. Um, I’ve replayed this 4 times… Did Andi just say Chris is so “drive-ed”? I know I’m hard of hearing sometimes but I swear that’s what she said. How much wine did they give her? Apparently enough to make her not comprehend Chris’s success, since the sisters see it necessary to mention it solidly 10 more times.

Chris and his mom, Linda, discuss watching the Bachelor and how they never understood how this process could work. But he’s understanding it now. They discuss the possibility of Andi living in Iowa. Linda was a city girl too, but when she talks about how her heart skipped a beat when she saw her husband on the tractor, I’m realize I’m kinda falling in love with Mom. Chris realizes location is the biggest hurdle. Yes, you could say that.

Next, Linda talks to Andi, who says she’s ready to find someone to marry. Linda says you can do whatever you want in this day and age. If you want a career, you can have one. If you don’t, you don’t. But Andi has gumption and that’s what it takes. Okay, forget Chris, I want to hang out with Linda. I’ll bring my gumption and a bottle of wine. Lord, more crying. Is everyone going to cry tonight?

Wait, now they’re playing Ghosts In The Graveyard? This is the best family ever!

Melissa: I will say this; it’s beautiful there in Chris’s hometown. I love that mom has a big old glass of wine to raise a toast. SHUT UP, the family cracks fart jokes?! I love it… farts are funny and if you can’t laugh at a fart joke, there’s something wrong with you. Hey now, Chris is a “goes commando on the weekends” kind of guy. Works for me. The sisters are really dishing on how successful Chris is. Maybe the combination of nice house and his business skills will make Andi think twice about staying. I really like mom, and not just because she’s a red wine drinker. She seems very down to earth and might even be a wee bit tipsy. Cheers to you, Linda! Wait, they’re going to play Ghost In The Graveyard? Well with a camera crew it’s easy to find him… and get a smooch.

A For Aaron

More blue steel… what’s with the posing every week?

Rachel: Stop 3 – Tampa, FL

Josh has a fresh haircut and is super pumped to have Andi there with him. She’s pumped too and wearing extremely short shorts. Man, she’s not afraid to wear her bottoms high and tight. I love that Josh constantly says that he is so much more than sports and he’s taking her right to the baseball field. Okay, really, I’ve had about as much of Andi’s camel toe as I can take this season. Either put it away or give it a rose. I mean it’s certainly competing for attention.

They hit some balls and Andi actually doesn’t suck. Speaking of doesn’t, Josh says he doesn’t allow anyone else on his field other than his family. That’s your field? You sure? There is just something about the cadence of his speaking that drives me crazy… and not in the good way.

Josh talks about his family and his younger brother being a football player. Wait, now he gave up his career for his brother? I thought it was because he was ready to have a family? I bet it’s because he got cut. His brother is trying to get drafted by the NFL and that’s the family focus right now. (PS – He went to the Chiefs where he will sit on the bench behind Alex Smith.) Andi is not trying to have this not be about her. There’s the pout again. You better perform Josh. I’m starting to think that Josh tries too hard to make us believe he’s all about wanting marriage and a family. It’s like he’s trying to convince himself that it’s better than sports. But he’s not convinced, and I’m not convinced either. But Andi is too focused on herself to be convinced one way or the other.

Melissa: Um, what’s this random roadside drop off? Ah, it’s so he can show off his baller skills. I do like him in his element… not gonna lie. Well, I like it until he gets all serious about the life of a baseball player and it taking him from family or his brother. So compared to the other reunions, this is all sorts of talky-talk. Where are the smooches?

Yeah, anytime you want to turn the convo back to me, that’d be great.

Rachel: They walk in to meet the family and Josh starts crying immediately. Dude. Oh it’s the dog, Sable, that he’s really missing. At dinner, Aaron, the brother, makes the toast not the dad. How’s that? Oh right, Aaron’s the star, which is made even clearer when all the dinner conversation is focused on him. This is not Andi’s favorite moment. She’s supposed to be the center of attention. She keeps saying how it’s Josh’s time too, but she really means it’s Andi’s time. She wants him to have his family be excited for him… aka: her.

The mom gets some time and brings the conversation back to Andi’s favorite subject: Andi. Mom tells Andi that Josh is in love. She can tell. Andi wonders if Mom is worried about the cord getting cut when Aaron goes off and Josh is gone too. Oh honey, there is no cutting of the cord. You silly mixed-up little twit. Mom sees Josh going to all of Aaron’s games. Listen, I think going to NFL games on Sundays is the best deal you could get, but not our girl Andi. No sir, this is not part of the program.

Dad is next and they talk about… Aaron. Can she see herself going to games wherever Aaron ends up? Oh yeah, sure! She’s all in! Liar. There’s no way that’s going to happen without a fight. Oh, Josh, you’re gonna get an earful if you put a ring on it. Andi’s got a vision and you had better get on board. Then the sister gets all family on Andi. The sister says they’ll have to compromise, which is part of any relationship. This makes Andi feel better, but I’m gonna throw this out there… The sister doesn’t really get much say in what goes down in that family. But she does tell Andi to expect that they’re going to fight about it. Heed her warning, dear.

Josh sits with mom and says he’s falling in love. It really does happen. Mom is happy because Josh always puts himself last. Ah yeah, there it is. I actually feel bad for this kid, suddenly. Feeling like you’re second fiddle has to be hard; especially when you’re the oldest. Aaron tells Andi that Josh’s life has been about his family and Aaron is ready to let Josh go. He wants Josh to be happy. Oh that’s sweet. That’s also not going to happen, but that’s sweet. And it’s also giving Andi that glimmer of hope which she is hanging onto like it’s the last pair of Jimmy Choo’s at the Barney’s Sale. And now they’re playing football in the backyard. Of course they are…

Melissa: Well, that’s a lukewarm greeting if I ever saw one; all so polite about their greeting – well with the exception of the dog. So we’re just going to talk about little brother? Um, this is not going to sit well with Andi. Isn’t it supposed to be about her? SHE is there, focus people!! Oh I don’t see Andi thinking this is going to be cool for the future. She’ll lose all her weekends to follow her BIL… that’s right hold out hope that you’ll have your own family and that will be the focus. HA!

Um mom… he left a single guy and returned… well, a single guy. There’s no ring on that finger yet. Momma wants him to be happy, but maybe not at the expense of her youngest son and his future. Speaking of, we get to see little brother’s perspective who just wants his brother to be happy. Color me slightly skeptical… not shockingly it’s the color of pinot noir.

White Toast

The side of Marcus he would like to share with Andi.

Rachel: Stop 4 – Dallas, TX

Oh yeah, Marcus. I find him to be such a snooze. I mean nice enough dude, but snooze. He drives her around Dallas for their date. Yep, zzzzzzz. Have I made it clear that he bores me? After a long trip driving around the city, he takes her to an empty club and gives her champagne. Then he relives their stripper date by doing his dance again. Groan. And that chest hair! Make it stop! And then there’s twerking… Well, an attempt at twerking… in tightie whities. Does he have nothing of himself to share? I mean other than his abs?

He tells Andi that he’s only brought one girl home before her. She can’t believe it and would like him to… yep, stop it. He tells her that she’s everything to him and he loves her very much. Yeah, but did you say it with an airplane? Dad will not be present today. Thanks, Marcus, but I think we were pretty clear about that from the stories.

Melissa: So Marcus is bringing up the rear tonight and he’s never brought a girl home?? OK, so he’s going to take her on a tour of a day in his life. Does she not realize the plan with the dark nightclub and red lights? OK, this didn’t really get much better with practice. Wait, did they just blur his package? Is it that impressive it must be blurred? Is it like the Medusa of junk? One must not look directly at it or turn to stone?

Back in his clothes Marcus tries to calm Andi’s nerves about meeting the family and I can’t help notice they have the same nail color. Yes, the dumbest things distract me.

I vote for the brother as the next Bachelor.

Rachel: Time to meet the fam. It’s mom, sis, bro, niece and nephew. Hey, bro isn’t so hard on the eyes. How you doin? Andi & Marcus say their day was amazing. How was it amazing? You didn’t do anything!

Apparently, there’s no dinner tonight as we go right to the interrogations. Sis gets some time with Andi. You know, the sister that comes to Marcus’s work every day. She sees how smitten he is. Andi likes to see how Marcus has taken the role as caretaker, because it shows strength. But it bugs you, right, Sis wonders? Oh she’s trying to get Andi to spill some dirt. Andi does wonder about how fast he’s falling and can she catch up? He deserves for her to catch up. Did that answer the question? I don’t think so, but I’m thinking that answer doesn’t bode well for Marcus. There’s always a guy around this time that gets sent packing because the chooser isn’t in the same place as the choosee. But Andi’s made him happy so the sister’s happy. We’ll see.

The brothers chat next in their purple shirts. Marcus says it’s real. The brother is on board and says he should just go for it. Marcus is just appreciative of him being there for him as a father figure. Aw, man love.

Mom asks Andi what’s special about Marcus. Andi says he’s confident, mature and open. Mom’s shocked because he’s very reserved normally. He’s selective about who he opens up to. Mom is happy, because Marcus is happy. He’s happy and complete with her. Mom is proud of him and trusts his judgement.

It’s the end of the night – and the hometowns thankfully. Marcus tells Andi that imagining a life with her is inspiring and he loves her. She thinks life with Marcus would be a fairy tale, because he would adore her and give her everything she could want. Um, no. When we gonna hear about what you’re binging to the party? Jesus, now he’s crying. That’s four for four bachelors tonight.

Melissa: Aw, the niece made rainbow loom bracelets for the two of them! OK, maybe it’s me, and the fact Marcus is my fave, but I’m totally not into this family time. Maybe it’s just the meh conversations… very vanilla. Don’t get me wrong, I like Mom and whatnot but again, very vanilla. Oh, but Andi is hooked because he would be someone who would adore her and give her the world. Guess Marcus and his world slides him up a notch with Andi.

Sad News

Now, this feels real.

Rachel: We are now at Chris Harrison’s home in LA seeing how America’s most dramatic TV host lives. The guys all show up and are very confused by the situation. What the hell is Marcus wearing? Chris says they’re waiting for Andi to tell everyone some new at one time. In the meantime, they can just sit in awkward silence. Andi shows up and Chris tells everyone that Eric passed away. There’s a lot of shocked head rubbing and staring off into space. Andi cries. Marcus walks away for some off-camera crying, and Andi goes after him. Why did no one hug her? She’s crying too, but wants to go inside because they should all be together. This puts everything into perspective for her. She’s devastated by the news. The production crew comes in and there’s a lot of hugging and crying. Andi loses it, because she realizes how her last conversation with him went and how she won’t get the chance to make it right. This is really sad and I’m heartbroken over Eric all over again.

You know what, they should have just let us have that moment. The whole sit-down with Andi & Chris back in Week 4 felt so forced and rehearsed… probably because it was staged and rehearsed. Andi came off so cool and calculated. Now, I see actual pain. See, not everything on this show should be scripted.

Melissa: Really, we get to see Chris’s house? I can’t believe we get to see what “This is the final rose” gets you?

UGH, this is a nightmare knowing what we know and looking at the unsuspecting faces of everyone. Wait, is it me or does it look like Andi already knows? This is so bizarre. WOW, this is a total gut punch. Marcus is the first to take off outside to be followed by Andi and the rest of the dudes seem like they wish they had thought of it. I’m sorry. Was that callous of me? I can’t continue to snark on this… I feel so bad for everyone here and Eric’s family. My thoughts and prayers are with you in your time of loss

Rose Ceremony

Yeah, gonna need a moment.

They arrive back at the mansion in LA and Princess Andi shows up in her chauffeur driven car. She says she’s hanging in after the news about Eric. Chris says life happened last night. Yes, as opposed to the fantasy they perpetuate ever week. She now feels guilty having happiness out of this. Chris isn’t messing around with too much sympathy tonight. Andi has a decision to make, so she needs to get her shit together and make a decision. She doesn’t know how she’s going to do this. That was a room Eric was in and she feels responsible for the men in that room. Chris is like nah, you don’t need to feel that. You can be sad, but do it while you get to picking.

The men arrive and it’s a special kind of quiet. Um, whatcha got on there Nick? That’s some jacket. Chris Harrison shares some thoughts and then brings out Andi… She wants them to know they’re all in this together and she’s lucky to be in front of these four guys.

She prepares her bowling stance with the first rose, but needs a moment. She breaks down into tears and Chris goes to comfort her. Harrison not hottie. Okay I’m seriously running out of steam here. Can we give out some roses?

Gets a rose: Josh, Chris (whew), and Nick

Going home: Marcus

Can someone just let me know when I can leave?

Like I said, I had a feeling that was coming. She’s going to tell him that her feelings were not caught up to his but he’s a great guy and he’ll find someone. She says that she knows Marcus would give her the world and she wonders if she’s making a mistake. And, here it is: she’s not there and she can’t put him through anymore. Yep, called that one. He wanted to be that guy for her. It will be hard letting go of a future with her. And with that… Marcus out.

Limo time… He feels like an idiot. He shouldn’t have told her he loved her. Eh, probably not. He feels like she could be his soulmate. Yes, but do you feel like you could be on Bachelor Paradise and have your wounds licked literally?

Melissa: Ok, she doesn’t know how to comprehend dealing with the loss of one of their own. Um, it’s the whole “life is short” theory – don’t say something you may regret if you never get the chance to clarify. It sucks, but the moral of the story (in my mind) is just get over yourself and be a nice person and you won’t have to worry about the “last conversation” you had with someone. I know… genius wisdom I’m spouting over here.

Now that she’s over her meltdown it’s time to pass out some roses! Farmer Chris is still in!! Woohoo! Or rather: Yeehaw! Wait, do farmers say yeehaw or is that just for cowboys? Whatever, get him a cowboy had and we’ll make it work.

HOLY I DIDN’T SEE THAT COMING… Marcus gets the boot? But… But… But… he’s got Medusa junk!! And I mean those stripper moves!

Bottom Line:

Rachel: Longest two hours ever… well, since last week.

Melissa: Stop it with Chris’s family!! I love them and want to be adopted!

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