Trying to gain insight on when a woman leaves a man for another woman...

My brother dated this lovely girl for close to five years. She has two kids from another relationship. She was really good for him, but guess their relationship didn't last long...Anyway, she left him for a woman.

I suspect there's more to this story... things that his ex isn't telling me or things that my brother isn't telling me. Maybe his ex left him because she decided she liked women more than men. Or maybe my brother got mixed up with the wrong people and wrong stuff and she got tired of it and left him. I suspect that my brother has become lost with himself, because he was part of two, and now he is one and simply doesn't know what to do with himself.

I presume that when a woman leaves a man for another woman, that his male ego is bruised, and he starts to question about whether he measures up as a man.

But seriously, is a woman leaving a man for another woman, that bad that some men resort to extreme self destructive behavior? If a woman leaves a man for another woman, is it that bad that a 30 year old man, such as my brother goes in such a great downward spiral of not having his own place, couch surfing, unsafe sex, excessive drinking and drug use, particularly weed and coke?

Gold Member

Other man, other woman, what matters to your brother was the leaving. But in a relationship where the kids are not from them both then she might think it's no big deal to lose those kids as well. if he was feeling like their father, he's lost three not one.

Coke is expensive. he needs to pay for a gym membership or a car or something instead.

I imagine he is very hurt. When guys feel hurt and weak, we can't handle those emotions for very long and then usually start acting out or acting in strange ways. When a guy can DO something about his negative situation, then things will improve for him. The self-destructive behavior sounds bad but understandable. He needs to get back his self-worth. It may take a while.

I think your brother needs a closure. Indeed, he deserves one. That was a long relationship, and he is entitled to an explanation why she left him, however cruel it may be.

He should try to think in these terms: "If I had once a relationship, why can't I have another? This is not the end of the world, it is just the end of a relationship that probably was already doomed."

Yes, going to a gym and rebuilding his body is a good way of getting over his pain. Encourage him.