The chronicle of a life split between urban Manhattan and rural Montana.

Saturday, August 19, 2017

NOTHING LEFT TO PROVE

Complacent

Yesterday I did absolutely nothing.

Never left the apartment. The bed
unmade. Didn't do laundry.And I
ordered in. Whether said inactivity
is due to apathy, exhaustion, or the
result of over indulgence is of no
consequence. What's amazing is
that for the time can do nothing
and actually enjoy sitting idle. In
the past that would have been hard.
Which in hindsight is rather sad.
Just imagine the invaluable time

I've wasted being over "productive"

Ambitious

When I was young, there wasn't

anything I wouldn't take on. For
many reasons I was incapable of

savoring the status quo. Thus my
need to push further. Deep within

was the drive to prove some point.
Yet now I wonder, where did all
of that excess exertion take me?

In truth it did nothing more than

complicate my complicated life.
And in the end bring me back to
where I should have stayed put.
What a waste of time and energy!

Foolish

When hosting cocktails for one
hundred of my "dearest" friends
why was it necessary to do so
with my own pressed napkins?
Or with glasses owned and not
rented? Such accoutrements
seemed to matter at the time.
But in hindsight were nothing
but a waste of time and money.

Misguided

I must have been searching for some

elusive something. Was it validation?

Recognition? Status? Most of those

I once so desperately tried to impress
are long gone. They were users and
nothing more. The few who've kept
in touch did so because they cared
about me and not all of that finery.
I now look back and think how odd

that I couldn't (or wouldn't) see that.

Blessed

I've been very fortunate to have loved

and to have been loved. Sometimes it

worked. Other times it didn't. Yet no

matter who was at my side, our time

together made me a better man. And
for that I'm eternally grateful. In the
end I found the one who was perfect

for me. His love is why I can now
look back and see life for what it is.
Frank balances me and puts it all in

perspective. Slowly he helped me
to drop all pretenses and to simply

be happy being little (big) old "me".

Well intentioned

I've tried to be the best parent I
could be. However some might
argue I was a failure. One thing
is certain - all of my children
have always been loved. Sadly
that didn't insure happiness.
Hence my hope that someday
they can accept the fact that
even fathers are all too human.

Confident

For much of my life my job
came first. My success came
via hard work. a bit of talent,
and more an ample dose of
luck. In the process I've been
sold more times than a Buick.
However along the way I've
built friendships that continue
to thrive to this day. Looking
back, that's truly SUCCESS.

Satisfied

The only way to enjoy life is to
go with the flow. Fretting over
things you can't control never
works. Enjoying life may not
create a lasting legacy. But you
will be all the happier for it.
Thus I want my epitath to read -"HE ACCOMPLISHED