Finally, the passion for soccer in America is approaching the insanity reached in Europe and South America. From the Lincoln JournalStar, via Deadspin:

[T]he woman yelled at her 15-year-old in her car and asked her to repeat lines about improving her performance [on the pitch]. When the girl messed up the lines, she slapped her… the teen told her mom to pull over along I-80 near the downtown exit, so she did. That’s when the girl says her mom yelled at her to get out. She did and her mom drove away.

Well, it's not a deadly soccer riot or a street-clearing hooligan brawl, but it's a start. If we want to compete with the rest of the world in this sport, our children need to understand that soccer fucking matters.

Next time, little lassie, get it right: "This is my soccer ball. There are many like it, but this one is mine…"

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04.17.07 at 2:05 pm

J.L. White

Yeah, uh…..Matt? Soccer doesn’t fucking matter. Hate to break it to you. If that Mom truly cared about her daughter, she would have given her a football, and demanded she gain over 150 pounds and work on her pass-blocking skills.

Then she could slap her and leave her on the side of the road.

04.17.07 at 2:19 pm

OkieRover

There are many like it….bwahahahaha

Alright maggot maybe a few miles of interstate running will get your head straight!!! You better not fall out of that run either or I will skull fuck you to death!

04.17.07 at 2:22 pm

devang

Somewhere Holly Mangold is brushing up her pass blocking skills.

04.17.07 at 2:30 pm

mayhem

Fuck ball sports…play hockey

04.17.07 at 2:35 pm

Hail

Devang – HILARIOUS.

Mayhem – Hell yeah

And c’mon – no MILF picture? We have to deal with the likes of a failed Willy F. movie? For shame, for shame!!! Where’s Rachel Hunter when you need her?

04.17.07 at 2:36 pm

matt

There are many paths to lesbianism, and this one certainly dumps you on the fast track, which I wholeheartedly support (provided it ends up on film)

04.17.07 at 2:40 pm

Matt

Hail, the weekend shift is where you get the REALLY gratuitous photos. I pick my spots.

J.L. White — I don’t care if you’re a Seahawks fan, if you talk shit about soccer, I swear to Christ I’ll turn this into a soccer blog. That goes for ANY soccer haters. This is NOT a forum for free speech.

04.17.07 at 2:44 pm

Dikembe Mutombo Mpolondo Mukamba Jean-Jacques Wamutombo

soc-cer?

(side note: the award for complete lack of creativity goes to the San Diego Sockers!)

04.17.07 at 2:57 pm

hardawayhatesyou

Did someone say ‘MILF’? What about my MILF draft idea, matt? I take Diane Lane.

04.17.07 at 3:16 pm

MetsFan_VI

Soccer = Organize Keepaway.

04.17.07 at 3:17 pm

Carson

No, we’ll keep that Lack of Creativity Award for all those who repeatedly post “soc-cer?” every time there is news that involves the sport.

Our bretheren at Deadspin have a 10-part Commentist Manifesto, Dikembe and JL. I offer you #8:

“Thou shalt not comment without saying anything interesting (Think before thou type, then don’t type it, then come back in a couple minutes when thou hast a solid poop joke to add).”

04.17.07 at 3:18 pm

MetsFan_VI

My poop was not all that solid this morning. But I don’t see how that is interesting. Unless you’re into that sort of thing. Which is cool.

04.17.07 at 3:29 pm

grungedave

why do people mess with soccer? Any sport that can shut down entire countries for weeks at a time gets my respect.

The NFL by comparison only shuts down the U.S. for one day a week… and only 17+ times a year. (Unless there’s an NBA All-Star game in Vegas to attend.)

04.17.07 at 3:52 pm

Chris

Did someone say ‘MILF’? What about my MILF draft idea, matt? I take Diane Lane.

With the #2 pick in the draft I’ll take Elizabeth Hurley.

04.17.07 at 3:54 pm

Carson

This is Matt’s blog. There are many like it, but this one is Matt’s…

04.17.07 at 3:57 pm

hardawayhatesyou

Chris, thats scrumptious. (sp?)

04.17.07 at 4:00 pm

Hail

With the third pick in the draft, The Hail House select Jennifer Garner of Denison University.

04.17.07 at 4:14 pm

MetsFan_VI

With the 4th pick in the draft, MetsFan_VI bukakes Catherine Zeta Jones.

04.17.07 at 4:17 pm

hardawayhatesyou

As powerless commissioner of the MILF league, I think that Jennifer Garner, although technically a Mother We’d Like to Fuck, is too young to be a traditional MILF.

In my eyes, a MILF is someone 40 plus who isn’t known as a traditional hottie. Your MILF pick shouldn’t be found in the Maxim 100 or something like that.

Those are just my thoughts. I could be wrong.

04.17.07 at 4:25 pm

Chris

So, you’re saying Isabeli Fontana can’t count? Her first kid at age 19 and second at 22. Oh yeah, she’s 23 right now and she happens to be a Brazilian model, so I think that’s cheating.

I would have stole her in the second round.

04.17.07 at 4:27 pm

hardawayhatesyou

If your MILF choice is preceded by the words ‘Brazilian model’, yeah….not a traditional MILF.