Thursday, 21 June 2018

Why I don't write about sex anymore

To be frankly honest, there are a few reasons why I have not written about sex or relationships in the last few months. I do find, like most writers, that my own personal life inspires my writing and well, basically, I’m not getting any dick.

Weirdly that’s kind of because I choose to avoid it for a while. I’ll start flirting with a guy in a pub, club or elsewhere and when it comes to getting down to it I just back out.

It’s got to the point where my friends are starting to lovingly tease me and call me a virgin. Which, to be honest, I do feel like because I can’t remember how to have sex. In short, how can I write about it when I have nothing to write about?

An amazing writer once said to me, “the best thing about being a writer is that whenever something bad happens to you, you can pull inspiration from it”. So, that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

I want to do a feature on how to get your libido back and to write that, I need to get mine back.

To start with, I really thought about where my sexual confidence has gone.

1. My body confidence is absolutely shocking. To put this right, I got myself a gym membership and I’ve been going so much that my legs and abdominal area are in constant agony. It feels better than any orgasm though, or so I can remember anyway.

2. I have fuck all game. I showed my friend my Tinder conversations and she couldn’t stop laughing. Out at the pub, while talking to a guy (well trying to) I saw my friends facepalm out of the corner of my eye. So, I have reached out to a good friend who is a well-known dating expert that I really respect and I’m hoping he will be able to teach me how to flirt. It sounds bizarre but if you heard my chat up lines you’d agree that professional help is needed.

3. I can’t remember how to do it. I’ve been told sucking dick is like riding a bike but I’ve gone into that panic mode of thinking that I’ll do an awful job and be the laughing stock in some rowdy group chat.

4. I’m worried about my count racking up. Deep down I do not care what people think or give a damn because as I’ve preached a thousand times if you’re having safe sex, just do your thing! However, only my CLOSET friends know my count and it’s the one question I’ve never answered online. As women, the majority of us are insecure about this so I want to do what I preach and overcome this.

5. I get bored easily. I want to experiment and finding someone who is down for the same things as you is proving quite difficult. It’s ended up just making me not bother.

I’ve spoken to a lot of women and loyal readers who have experienced all or some of these problems. For the sake of my most read articles, I need to get it back for that Adsense ££. I’m kidding, but I’m not really kidding.

Follow this blog on Bloglovin (HERE) to keep up to date with my progress and let me know in the comments if you feel me!

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