Should ‘elder wisdom’ be trusted in all cases, even when it doesn’t feel right in your gut?

In American society, youth is looked upon more favorable and elders are generally not revered as much. In fact, you will see teenagers harassing older people on the street. I trust elder wisdom though, because there have been some experiences elders have had that can teach you lessons. Of course, what I’ve realized is that this elder wisdom can be completely subjective. The wisdom is shaped by social factors such as race, class, and sexual orientation. Northern middle-class liberal—yet socially conservative—black folks raised me. My grandmother in particular thinks I should not question or disagree with her viewpoints simply because she is older. My disagreement inevitably leads to screaming (as most of the women in my family communicate in arguments). While I respect her and her view points, I have the right to disagree.

My particular situation is that the family elders and trying to convince me that I should not ‘choose’ to be gay. I am not going to get into the whole ‘is being gay a choice’ argument (that’s another post) because it really shouldn’t matter AT ALL. Accepting that I am gay has made me that much more happier and sane. The time I spent trying to ‘change myself’ proved more self-destructive than helpful. It just amazes me the things people use to treat human beings like shit.

The whole situation brings to mind this duality that exists. My parents love me, but yet they hate this part of me. They say they don’t *hate* or aren’t homophobic. But actions speak louder than words. I’ve never been called names personally (though I’ve heard some pretty interesting stuff about other gays) or anything of sort—perhaps because the folks can separate me from my gayness. They think it’s not really true.

I will admit that I don’t have a ton of life experience. But I know what is right for me at the moment—what’s right for my sanity and way of life. And if it isn’t right for me, let me figure out myself. I know the elders care about me, but at some point they must let go and let live.