It's over, thank God (as Oscar Wilde just stated). The '00s, a decade of attention whores and god-awful music, is now nothing but a string of phantasmagoric memories that will run through the minds of historians late at night.

Feel free to expand on this Top 100 list, and add your own opinions on the worst things about that decade. True, it says a "Top 100" list, but is Rhode Island actually an island? Is the black box on an airplane actually black (it's orange, by the way)? Did "Jon and Kate Plus Eight" have anything to do with the eight kids? Then why does this need to only be a "Top 100" list?

Alberto Gonzales does not remember anything about the top ten worst things about the '00s. Therefore, we don't have a top ten. Just a number one.

It was non-sequitirs like this that made that decade's comedies so bad.

Contents

180 through 171

178. The Kardashian Sisters

Woman with a fat ass and a sex tape enables her sisters to marry a Laker not named Kobe and some guy we only know as "Scott the Dick". If Bruce Jenner had any feeling in his face right now, he'd be weeping.

177. Twitter

y would u type like this? its stoooopid! lolololol!

176. Nostalgia for the 80's

All right, you frickin college nerds who somehow think there's something to be nostalgic for in the 80's. Listen up...THERE ISN'T!!! Do you know why you don't hear anyone in their 30's, 40's, or 50's saying what a wonderful time the 80's were? Because we remember just how much they sucked. Everything going wrong today had it's seed planted in the 80's. Knock it off!

What a country. Some guy who was on SportsCenter gets his own political talk show. In that case, I want to see Bill O'Reilly try talking about the World Cup without commenting on how much better he thinks American sports are.

“No, of course he isn't determined to attack inside the United States. Whatever gave you that foolish idea?”

~ Captain Sarcasm on the "Bin Laden Determined to Attack Within the United States" report

164. Every single celebrity you ever knew and/or loved dying in the summer of 2009

Such as David Carradine (who died in some freak masturbation incident), Walter Cronkite, DJ AM, Billy Mays, Karl Malden, Michael Jackson, Michael Jackson again, and that blonde woman from Charlie's Angels who isn't important because Michael Jackson just died. Also, did I mention Michael Jackson yet?

140 through 131

A "reality" show that stars several retards who live in Beverly Hills in a mansion paid for by MTV. It stars two assholes named Heidi and Spencer. They're so evil, that "E! News" wanted to stop talking about them. And if "E! News" wants to stop rewarding you for being a nuissance to society, then you've really done something wrong.

130 through 121

Some game show starring some ugly British bitch named Anne Robinson. And the whole show revolved around how dumb she thought the contestants were. Somewhere in that, they were asked trivia questions. The grand prize was usually $3.95 and a coupon good for a free appetizer at TGI Friday's.

Also, "improved" color. We'll admit that the original Caucasian tint was kind of unpleasant, but the new white-with-green-spots thing isn't really working for us either. It's gum! This shouldn't be that hard!

90 through 81

The title card for "The Simpsons". It absolutely killed in the ratings.

80 through 71

Every so often she would look into the camera and you would know - and she would know that you knew - that she meant everything she said. Then she talked about how she can see Russia from her house while playing the flute.

This one is perhaps a little dicey. In the beginning, it might have been considered an outlet for topics too abstract or too bizarre for The Simpsons. And yet, its increasingly erratic pacing, mind-breaking cultural reference feedback loop and minimalist plots have slowly turned the show into a rickety parody of what it once was. Perhaps most saddening, however, is its inability to take any kind of criticism without resorting to childish tac...

“YOU WILL NOT CRITICIZE FAMILY GUY. FAMILY GUY IS FREAKIN' SWEET. OUR CHARACTERS HAVE WHAT REALLY COUNTS - GOOFY VOICES - AND EVERY ONE OF OUR TOPICAL JOKES IS GOING TO BE JUST AS FUNNY IN THIRTY YEARS AS IT IS TODAY. JUST LIKE THE CHEQUE BROTHERS ON SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE.”

Judging by the price tag, it's made out of solid gold. And as long as we're here, just saying "there is no realistic danger of black holes" isn't good enough. An explanation would be nice, is all I'm saying. And maybe results with practical applications. And a gift shop.

A lot of media coverage, considering that she was one of the worst actresses of all time, was a stripper who married an oil tycoon for his money, and was addicted to TrimSpa. But hey, that's Hollywood for you.

A popular sitcom about a pro football coach who videotapes his opponent's signals and therefore, kicks the crap out of the opponent in the second half. Ended with the now infamous episode "Super Bowl XLII", where the New York Giants humiliated the Patriots.

A reality show about fifteen London sophisticates who all vie for the love of a classy young bachelor.

Just kidding. It's a reality show where VH1 picks fifteen girls out of dumpsters throughout El Segundo, California, and they all claim to have fallen in love with the lead singer of Poison. They get drunk, make out with each other all the time, cuss each other out, and collect their government welfare checks for their previous boyfriend (who they had two kids with and are still having sex with).

52. Flavor of Love

Another reality show, this time about a bunch of welfare moms wanting Flavor Flav, that guy from Public Enemy who can only say three things, to be their baby daddy.

50 through 41

A bunch of women who don't know who the father of their children is, a bunch of teen prostitutes, and a bunch of transexuals parading around asking the audience to guess their birth gender. Won 27 Daytime Emmys in 2006 alone.

He came, and now every other animal, some of which are jelly, are making half-arsed realvidtones for 20 dollars. So explain something to me: why should I buy a crappy ringtone from Melvin the Hampster?

48. Alberto Gonzales

He doesn't remember firing those lawyers. Coincidentally, I don't remember voting for George W. Bush.

Played for the Packers from 1992 to 2007, and promised to finally retire in early 2008, before changing his mind yet again. He was punished for his bad decision making by playing for the Jets in 2008 and going 8-8 while losing the division to the Miami Dolphins (who went 1-15 the previous year).

UPDATE: Brett Favre has signed a two-year, $25 million dollar deal with the Minnesota Vikings.

Apparently, he got arrested for punching a prostitute. She was from Germany, and you know the Germans make good stuff. Order a German prostitute for the low low price of $1,000, and we'll send you a home pregnancy test and a metal coat hanger, just in case things don't go right. A $7.99 value, yours free! What was I just saying? Oh yeah. ShamWow, you'll be saying wow every time.

20 through 11

And you thought Mel Gibson was a Nazi. He is, but that's beyond the point.

This man allegedly tried to kill Bill O'Reilly in 2006, while yelling something about freeing Ira Einhorn. He is currently serving eleventy billion years in a federal penitentary located somewhere in New Jersey.

20.

The 2001 Winona Ryder Shoplifting Incident

That's what happens when you sleep with Johnny Depp.Honestly, who cares about this? Winona Ryder hasn't done a movie, or for that matter, anything in years. So...

“Actually, the Winona Ryder shoplifting incident was a pretty big deal back in 2001. Don't you remember all of those people wearing those "Free Winona" t-shirts? And this is a list on the worst things about the 2000s.”

~ Me, the original writer of this article, on the previous statement

Therefore, you, my reader, get a bonus number 20. Merry Christmas.

20. New York Politics

Even those most will tell you New Jersey and California have more dysfunctional state governments, New York tops all. Governor Eliot Spitzer cheats on wife, no divorce papers are filed; successor David Paterson also admits to affair the moment he's sworn in, and pisses off everyone by doing nothing right. Can someone tell him to resign already?