I need a little help

I'm living with my elderly grandfather who has Dementia, Alzheimers and Parkinsons.
I've never really seen the effects until lately, or at least what I think might be it, but i'm never really certain.
The reason i'm making this thread is because just moments ago he called me to come downstairs and then said
"I told these 4 guys to go away" and pointed into the empty room. I looked at him and said,
"i'll take care of it, you go to sleep", I gave him a hug and he just walked off to bed.

Or saying the neighbours painted the fence this morning and it's the same as it ever was.

Or saying look at all those people in the cul-de-sac, look at all the cars etc... Just random things like that.
And it's weird because moments after it's like he can have a normal conversation

I have no experience with this sort of thing. The very first thing I noticed him do was he was sitting in his chair,
he'd look over to the empty chair, say something and go back to watching TV.

Or when he sleeps, sometimes he screams in horror, and for the first time this week he was laughing in his dream.

I can honestly say it's the first time i've ever actually been worried for him.
He's the man. I remember a time when we raced on foot, and now he has a hard time getting in and out of the car.

These slow deteriorations that I witness are very painful to watch. Are they normal?

Sounds like you are a great grandson. The way you thought to say "I'll take care of it" when he was confused was very smart/kind. You will develop
strategies for comforting him through this/dealing with these kinds of situations, I am confident.

There is no reply that anyone can say to fix things. I can just say that you are a good person for being by his side though this. The cycle of life
can def. seem cruel sometimes. On one hand a slow deterioration seems horrible, but on the other hand, it's almost like a gradual/gentler transition
away from this reality (perhaps this is assuming/naive thinking). At times it will be very hard -- he will be frightened or confused. For my
grandmother-in-law, it was a gradual departure. Her personality shone through even near the end of her time with Alzheimer's. However, when people in
this situation physically pass on, it's almost like their souls have already departed (it's almost like they have evaded physical death -- maybe I
am odd for thinking this way).

The counterpoint to a slow elderly deterioration would be to imagine being younger/in the prime of your life, to be in an inescapable situation (a
truck flying at you in your rearview, whatever grim situation). Honestly I think that moment of clarity/hyper-awareness in that phase of one's life,
knowing it's all about to end in an instant... I don't think it would be any better than a more gradual elderly exit.

Maybe the experience first-hand would change my mind.

Stay strong for him, be patient, know that the situation will not last forever. You are doing right.

his diet isn't what it used to be, would you say that the possibility is there that the effects would be sped up by a poor diet as of late?

he used to make all kinds of stuff for himself but lately he's lost an interest in all of it except for a few things like apples or ham/egg
sandwiches etc.. my relatives have him drinking diet supplement Ensure milkshakes,
like 8 a day.. and he's not drinking coffee anymore. and he doesn't like to drink water.. that's probably key in releasing a lot of toxins or
whatever in the brain I suppose.. ugh.

Originally posted by AkumaStreak
Sounds like you are a great grandson. The way you thought to say "I'll take care of it" when he was confused was very smart/kind. You will develop
strategies for comforting him through this/dealing with these kinds of situations, I am confident.

There is no reply that anyone can say to fix things. I can just say that you are a good person for being by his side though this. The cycle of life
can def. seem cruel sometimes. On one hand a slow deterioration seems horrible, but on the other hand, it's almost like a gradual/gentler transition
away from this reality (perhaps this is assuming/naive thinking). At times it will be very hard -- he will be frightened or confused. For my
grandmother-in-law, it was a gradual departure. Her personality shone through even near the end of her time with Alzheimer's. However, when people in
this situation physically pass on, it's almost like their souls have already departed (it's almost like they have evaded physical death -- maybe I
am odd for thinking this way).

The counterpoint to a slow elderly deterioration would be to imagine being younger/in the prime of your life, to be in an inescapable situation (a
truck flying at you in your rearview, whatever grim situation). Honestly I think that moment of clarity/hyper-awareness in that phase of one's life,
knowing it's all about to end in an instant... I don't think it would be any better than a more gradual elderly exit.

Maybe the experience first-hand would change my mind.

Stay strong for him, be patient, know that the situation will not last forever. You are doing right.

Thank you, it's very comforting reading your words.
He has done everything possible to make me who I am, and who I will become. I owe it to him to continue.
sometimes it's hard when he'll tell me something from one of his "delusions" (I don't want to call it that but I guess that's what's happening)
and he's smiling and happy, and I force a smile just so he doesn't feel bad.
I didn't know they could be that surreal, like an actual hallucination of something not there but still connect with me in reality.

Such a sad thing to have happen. I feel for you in watching him deteriorate. I feel compelled to tell you what happened to me a couple years ago. A
friend of a friend asked me to spend an hour every couple days with her husband who had Alzheimers and diabetes. She had to work many hours to pay
the bills and couldn't be with him. I must have sensed something because she was concerned about him remembering relatives at that point in his
life. I told her I could no longer spend the time with him because I did not want to all of a sudden be the "stranger" in his house. I told her he
really needed full time care. About a week later she called me and said the neighbor found him standing in the middle of the street with two large
kitchen knives insisting there was someone in his house. There wasn't. That was the catalyst for his care.

Someday, as you fully know and I assume are preparing yourself for, he will no longer recognize you. I am not saying a similar incident will happen
but if he is delusional at this point you really need to find out what care is out there that he'll need that you cannot provide. He should not be
alone for so many reasons I'm sure you can imagine. Check all resources possible so that he can have the best assistance. You have been wonderful
but it sounds like it's fast approaching that point where he'll need more than you can offer. Alzheimers strips everything - first mentally then
physically.

Very best of luck to you. I know it must be very hard to have a relative with that.

All sounds familiar, to me, I'm afraid. I was In the same position with my own mother. She got to the point where she was a danger to herself, and I
insisted she came to live with me.

I was lucky, in that I could afford to give up work ( And I had twelve years experience of working with people with learning disabilities ). She lived
with my wife and I for three and a half years before her death from a DVT. ( Her death in tha bath involved an investigation by the police csi team,
the worst day of my life, with four police cars outside my house at one point.) I was of course cleared of all suspicion when the post mortem
discovered the DVT.

She was very mobile and prone to wandering, this meant locking doors all the time. She would open windows and call to passers by, telling them I was
keeping her prisoner.

We used to go walking from time to time, to get her out of the house, and twice, she gave me the slip, requiring police help. They were very good and
understanding of my situation.( I live in a small town.)

You will have your work cut out, and I have deep respect for your desire to look after your grandfather, It will be a difficult time for you, but you
sound like the sort of person who is up to the job.

Originally posted by yourmaker
happened again, he woke me up to call my Aunt because he told her that they were building a 2 story tunnel underneath the house. I don't know how
long i'll be able to live like this..

I thought this was where you were going with this thread.

Listen, I made my daughter PROMISE that she wouldn't (WOULD NOT) take care of me if I lose my mind. I didn't give her life so that she could spend
it on me. We have nursing homes and paid professionals; there is no reason for any family member to be saddled with the mentally ill.

As far as I'm concerned the only two reasons for a family member to take in such ill relatives is:
1. No money.
2. To say to other family members, 'Look at me! Look at how good I am!'

Originally posted by yourmaker
happened again, he woke me up to call my Aunt because he told her that they were building a 2 story tunnel underneath the house. I don't know how
long i'll be able to live like this..

I thought this was where you were going with this thread.

Listen, I made my daughter PROMISE that she wouldn't (WOULD NOT) take care of me if I lose my mind. I didn't give her life so that she could spend
it on me. We have nursing homes and paid professionals; there is no reason for any family member to be saddled with the mentally ill.

As far as I'm concerned the only two reasons for a family member to take in such ill relatives is:
1. No money.
2. To say to other family members, 'Look at me! Look at how good I am!'

Listen, I made my daughter PROMISE that she wouldn't (WOULD NOT) take care of me if I lose my mind. I didn't give her life so that she could spend
it on me. We have nursing homes and paid professionals; there is no reason for any family member to be saddled with the mentally ill.

As far as I'm concerned the only two reasons for a family member to take in such ill relatives is:
1. No money.
2. To say to other family members, 'Look at me! Look at how good I am!'

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