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Noite Negra – Cave 45 – Positively Psyched Partyboy Report

The darkest, blackest, most rotting and foul smelling darkness descended upon Cave 45 this past Saturday. For once in my life, it was not raining as I went to see some live Black Metal, Jesus must have given up on me or maybe he started listening some Darkthrone and Judas Iscariot, good for him.

Starting the extreme ultra blackness party came “Beastanger” who, after two years of ball scratching and couch sitting, decided to come back and roast our asses in hot Black Metal. They told a story of darkness, evil and all sorts of grim and nasty shit in music form.

Great stage presence from the band and a nicely filled venue made a great appetizer for the night, the vocalist from the second band was head banging the whole time right on the front line, giving zero shits if black metal is supposed to be enjoyed by crossing your arms and imitating statues.

Next was “Bruma Obscura” with a more droning and depressive take on Black Metal, still a relentless and powerful execution. The vocalist’s voice and powerful stare made you feel the tormenting sounds that came off the speakers as if Satan would show up and rape you in the face if you didn’t, picture that shit.

After their last song, the crowd yelled for more for a while but there was no more time, leaving many fans sad, but life goes on.

To end this dark night came the masters of everything rotting, sacrilegious and pornolicious, “Vizir”.

Before I go on, I must say, this is the third time I’ve seen “Vizir” Live and I have NEVER seen their bass player that drunk, they’ve been around for 17 years so there is a big chance that someone else has seen them being more alcoholised than that in the past (on stage).

So on to the show, before the show even started (sort of) some technical issues came up while the bass player fell backwards over some amps and the microphone stand. We thought he was dead but everyone knows alcohol gives you extra points to resistance, he got his sexy ass back on stage and the show was on!

They started with some nice rituals between the slut’s legs, the bass player was not playing very well, but it’s “Vizir” no one cares, it was still good and even played badly with a drunken hand, it was not far off from the actual songs.

They bombed us with hit after amazing hit of great music, erections in the Vatican, nut sacks washed in holy water, the cock rises in the name of Satan, jacking off at Sunday school, bad luck…she had aids, bombed with turds, methods of grossness, I went to church with my dick in my hand, diarrhoea in Fatima, butt fucked in the toilet (this one was dedicated to the bass player’s ex girlfriend), homosexuality in god’s kingdom, people who don’t listen Vizir are faggots (this one is a ballad), camel toe carousel, the ways of shit, I lifted the skirt of Jesus’s Mom (this one is funnier in Portuguese), sitting in a throne of shit, it was me who invented Jesus Christ (this one has a mad guitar solo, check it out), impregnated by a faggot, addicted to Satan and many more beautiful, heart-warming melodies.

While the amazing hits bombed us in the face, the bass player fell over the amps and the drums several times, one guy went to fix something behind him in the amps and he sat on him making more shit fall over.

It was a beautiful show that must have gotten all the ladies wetter than Magic Mike, and all the boys harder than a statue of Jesus’s mom, she is smoking hot and so are Vizir’s shows, it doesn’t matter how drunk they are or if they play badly, it’s still the best shit ever and always worth watching.