Thursday, February 21, 2013

I don't know how I feel about church cookbooks. You know, the spiral bound collections that parishes sell for fundraisers, comprised of recipes from the ladies' altar society and all of their friends and distant relatives?

On the one hand, they're rather charming. Ostensibly, they're the collection of the greatest recipes from real cooks, many of whom you know personally. There can be some real recipe gems in there. "Meemaw's Creamy Eggnog," "Uncle Oswald's Secret Marinade," and "Aunt Lobelia's Sticky Toffee Pudding Cake" are all tried and true winners.

On the other hand, nobody screens the entries; if Aunt Maybelle submits a dud, it's still getting published.

I submit two "recipes" for your perusal that were recently espied in an old parish cookbook:

-------------------------Festive Green BeansSubmitted by: Name withheld [truly, and not by me]

Cook chicken. At the end, top with sesame seeds. Serves 4-6.
--------------------------

You've got to give her points for brevity.

Another staple of parish cookbooks is the ubiquitous "Recipe for A Happy Life"... something saccharine about a dash of love, a sprinkle of giggles, a dollop of forgiveness, a pinch of humor, and a smidge of faith. That recipe, or slightly adapted, is in every volume I own.

When I want a new recipe, I rarely scan these cookbooks. Why?

1) There are no pictures. If I can't see it, it's hard to envision serving it.

2) My style of cooking is very different. I don't often go for "quick and easy" recipes, because I enjoy cooking and, at this stage in my life, I have plenty of time to do it. I don't buy refrigerated biscuits, Ranch dressing packets, cream of mushroom soup, or Lipton onion soup. Yes, I know how to replace all of those, but I'm usually turned off of a recipe if I have to do a lot of substituting.

3) There are often five or six versions of "Perfect Pineapple Fluff," each with slight but significant variations. The indecision of which "perfect" recipe to pick kills me. My attempts to amalgamate the best of each version often result in far less than perfect dishes.

And yet, these books still hog a whopping 2 feet of shelf space in my miniscule pantry.

Friday, February 15, 2013

Don't forget, ladies! Today is the 2nd Annual Day After Valentine's Day.

I was babied beyond belief yesterday.

A delivery of these started the day off perfectly:

Oh, how I love Azaleas!

The day ended with us doing the dishes together, praying the Rosary, and reading Les Misérables aloud.

Everything in between was ambrosial.

But today it's our turn. No one is expecting the extravagant love to continue today. Do one profound act of babying your husband today. Iron his pillowcase, fluff his baked potato, meet him outside with a huge smile when he gets home, warm his blanket in the dryer... something simple, loving, and utterly gratuitous.

"How can I ever express the happiness of the marriage that is joined together by the Church, strengthened by an offering, sealed by a blessing, announced by angels and ratified by the Father? ... How wonderful the bond between two believers with a single hope, a single desire, a single observance, a single service! They are both brethren and fellow-servants; there is no separation between them in spirit or flesh; in fact they are truly two in one flesh and where the flesh is one, one is the spirit." Tertullian (Ad Uxorem, II, VIII, 6-8).

“A good wife is Heaven’s last, best gift to man, his angel and minister of graces innumerable, his gem of many virtues; her voice his sweetest music, her smiles his brightest day, her kiss the guardian of his innocence, her arms the pale of his safety, the balm of his health, the sure balsam of his life; her industry his surest wealth, her economy his safest steward, her lips his faithful counselor, her bosom the softest pillow of his cares, and her prayers the ablest advocate of Heaven’s blessing on his head.” - Jeremy Taylor