Tales from a former American Expat living in London. Dealing with the loss of a child is never easy, but it's even more difficult when you live so far from home. Life will never be "normal" again and so now the challenge is to find my new normal.
I am now back in the USA and the proud parent of two daughters, born using two different egg donors. "Frostina" and "Olea" are the loves of my life and I feel so grateful for the amazing women who donated their eggs and made my family possible.

Saturday, 13 April 2013

The Heart Says Yes

A while back I wrote about my struggle to figure out if I'm brave enough to try for another baby. Am I strong enough to put myself, and The Hubby, back to into such a vulnerable place?

A place where we could be blessed with another living child. A place where we could also have another loss. A place where we have to have faith and patience. A place where we have to be optimistic in the face of fear.

We have been there before and have our precious Frostina as a result, but will we have the same happy outcome again?

Being a logical person, it can be difficult for me to stop strategizing and start feeling. As we all know, there is nothing logical about wanting children. It's much more primal than that. We are programmed with the desire to have them, or not to have them.

Do you have 1 child, do you have 2, do you have more than that? These decisions are often more of a gut feeling than anything else. There isn't a formula for the perfect family size. I think you just know when you're there.

As I've stated before, I'm not always good at listening to my gut feelings. So for me, these kinds of decisions take time. I have to stop thinking about it and wait for my heart to speak to me. That's what I've been doing and my heart finally answered loud and clear.

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

About Me

I'm an American who lived in London for almost 9 years with my amazing husband. We have had a great life with lots of adventures, love, and fun. On August 13, 2010 our lives were shattered when we lost our son at 36 weeks pregnant. After struggling with infertility for many years, we thought we were finally going to have our miracle baby. Sadly, this is not what happened and I struggle every day to make sense of it all. But I am determined to get my life back. Not my old life of course, but a new life,,, a new normal. I have no idea how I am going to find it yet but I just know I will.
We decided to try again using an egg donor. In October of 2011 we got the wonderful news that I was pregnant again.
I quickly realized that pregnancy after loss is no walk in the park. But somehow we got through it and were overjoyed when our rainbow baby was born in June 2012. Her blog name is "Frostina" and she is the joy in our hearts.
Using another egg donor, I gave birth in July 2014 to a baby girl who we are calling "Olea" here on the blog.
Life with two living children is quite an adjustment. I hope to find the time to document my newest normal here in this space.