Accumulated nonsense from one arrow's journey through time and space

December 2006

12/30/2006

After 22 sleepless nights I can finally say that the painting is complete. I've never spent this much time working on anything before.

I had to finish it before Monday. No projects are allowed to carry over into the new year-- it's bad luck. Also the next day and a half will be spent running around like crazy and cleaning everything I can get my hands on. This is what I do for new year's every year-- clean obsessively, work out, eat as little as possible, unplug everything, cut my nails short, do yoga and meditate until my body feels like it's going to break in two. Then I sleep through midnight and wake up to the new year with everything clean, everything complete, everything in its place, refreshed and new.

12/28/2006

I was talking to Ash today and relationships came up and why I'm usually so cold about these things. So here's the explination. I can't believe it's been 10 years and I still haven't fully recovered.

I think this is probably one of the
darkest stories of my life. Seventh grade was a particularly bad year for me,
and I know that it is for pretty much everyone and that I should be over it by
now, but I don’t think I am. In my class there were six girls including myself
and fourteen guys, which I don’t mind these days now that guys are more mature,
but back then it was hell. More so because boys that age can be very cruel.

This isn’t the average overweight
girl gets made fun of by thirteen-year-old boys story. There was this one
particular group of them that was determined to make my life a living hell, and
no one suspected anything because they were the handsome loveable athletic
types. Long story short they managed to push me into developing an eating
disorder and wanting to die, but not to the point where I would plan anything. I
just wanted to sink from my seat down through the floor and into the cold wet
ground because I no longer felt worthy of any kind of attention and I was just
in everyone’s way. Those little assholes pushed me to the point where I was
afraid to look at any guy in the eyes for the next two years, which naturally
interfered with my long-standing crush on a certain boy... and that
relationship is still ruined and strained to this day.

Up until senior year I wouldn’t be
caught dead eating while anyone else was around because I felt so horrible
about myself. It was just years of staring at my lunch at the table and trying
to convince myself and my friends that I really wasn’t hungry. Naturally, being
the stubborn sort I didn’t tell anyone about this while it was going on. Asking
for help is an automatic sign of weakness that’s far worse than anything the
boys could do to me. Thinking back I could have pressed charges and sent them
off to alternative schools and ruined their chances of getting their precious
little football scholarships that they have now. I should have done it. They
definitely deserved it.

So seventh grade passed and we
moved to a bigger school and the boys were scattered. They forgot all about me
but I couldn’t forget them. I can remember every incident clearly and exactly
how I felt and how hard I worked to swallow any type of feelings that I had—love,
hate, anger, sorrow, just everything. Feelings weren’t my friends, they were an
inconvenience. They didn’t do me a bit of good, they only got in my way and
nothing good ever came from them. Who needed relationships? It was inevitable
that the boys would get to him and he’s end up stabbing me in the back... it
didn’t matter if it was the nicest guy in the world, they would get to him
somehow. They tried one year on April Fool’s Day... they offered him money to
ask me out as a joke. He didn’t do it of course, which gave me some hope for
humanity as a whole, but just to think that there were people who would come up
with a plan like that makes me sick to this day.

Like I said, the boys forgot about
me. To the point where one of them actually came up to me and introduced
himself to me in high school as if he didn’t even know who I was. It just kills
me that they caused so much damage, and not only got away with it without any
type of reprimand but got away with clear consciences because they just don’t
remember. It’s not fair. IT’S. NOT. FAIR.

My mom went to visit my aunt Hanan today and came back with
Lebanese food and I now feel like I’m about to burst. Stuffed grape leaves,
hummus, the little fried bready things, kashkaval, hummus, good olive oil,
those little dessert thingies with the pistachios... all the tastes of home
(except Bulgarians don’t make hummus and add yogurt to everything). I really
hope the March thing works out... really really *crosses fingers.*

Over the course of the holiday season I’ve realized how much
I really don’t like American food. If it were taken away and I were never
allowed to have it again I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t miss it.

Picture this: My super country cowboy dad sitting on the
couch beneath our Picasso across from a deer head with Christmas ornaments
hanging from the antlers, drinking beer while watching Fox News in a cowboy
shirt and pajama bottoms, eating a gyro and hummus with pita wedges. There’s
something so delightful about that—I just love all of the mixes in my family,
it makes me smile.

In other news, for interested parties, the watercolor that I’ve
been slaving over for the past three weeks will be finished soon and I couldn’t
be more excited. It’s gotten rave reviews so far and I can’t wait to see the
reaction from its intended recipient. I just wish I didn’t have to wait two
months... well I guess it’s more like a month and a half. *glee*

Speaking of upcoming events... is it sad that I’m already
planning outfits? And that I’ve been doing that for the past month? You guys
will die when you see my black outfit with the new jacket and nearly-mini
skirt. It’s pretty much the hottest thing ever.

12/26/2006

More like a new year's theme... it's harder to break a theme. After my last post I typed penny pincher into Wikipedia just to see what would come up and a few clicks later I found myself reading about simple living. I don't mean the hardcore renouncing of worldly possessions and being a miser, but just getting rid of excess and simplifying. My mom says that the stuff you own ends up owning you... or maybe it was Tyler Durden... probably some combination of both. I'm more likely to follow my mom's advice though since Tyler was a little more loopy and mischeivous than I could ever be.

But it really is a good idea-- less stuff = less time needed to care for said stuff = more time for more important things = more time for self-improvement and discovery.

Today was my dad's birthday and he wanted to visit his mother so that meant a mandatory trip to the middle of nowhere little town and back. 5 hours of driving to sit down for a meal for 20 minutes. Typical. My back still aches from the stupid ergonomic backseat design of our Japanese car and don't even get me started on having to squeeze three feet of legs (literally 3 feet... and I'm only 5'6") back there. Ugh. Anyway, happy birthday to my dad- 64.

On the way back we had to drive his mother to the drug store and she did something that I will totally do when I'm 94. I can see myself doing it and I'm sure my mom would too because we're awesome like that. Her daughter had bought some pills for her and they didn't work, so my grandmother took the bottle back even though she has used half of it to get a refund. *sigh* It went a little something like this:

Grandmother: Merry Christmas! Hello there young man, I was wonderin' if y'all could help me (imagine a super old and shaky Southern drawl)Shop guy: Yes ma'am, what can we do for yuh?G: Well... I was takin' these here pills and they aren't working fo' meh, so I was wond'rin' if I could get a refundS: Yes ma'am, you sure ca-yan. Do yuh have your receipt?G: Oh no, my daughtah bought them fo' meh and they didn't wurk (shakes the bottle, you can hear that it's half empty)S: Well ma'am we can give yuh store cuh-redit fo' 'emG: What was that?S: WE CAN GIVE YUH STORE CUH-REDIT FO' 'EM, MA'AMG: *blank stare* (she can hear him just fine, by the way... she's just playing the old card)S: STORE CUH-REDIT!!!!G: Ohhh... well that won't do meh a bit o' good now, you see I live down yonder in W***** and I don't have any way of gettin' heeuhre. Caayn I just get cash back?S: Well ma'am, you don't have your recei-G: You see I broke my leeeyg last yea' and it's hard fo' me to make it down heeere, so I just need to get mah nineteen dollahs back pleaseS: Let me call a managerM: Yes ma'am, what can we do fo' yuh? (after explination) Well I recken we can get you yo' cash back if it was puhchased less than a month agoooG: Oh but I'm 94 yeeears ol', I ca-yan't remembuh when she bought 'em (she told us earlier that Janine had given her the pills about 4 months ago). They're not expi'aed are they? (completely sweet and innocent looking)M: Nah, they're not... *loooooong pause* Alrighty, ma'am. Heeere's your nineteen dollahs and seven ceaints.G: Thank you, hunny. Y'all have a nice day now

So she manipulated her way through that and managed to get a full refund for half a bottle of nearly expired pills without a receipt.

12/25/2006

This is probably one of the coolest traditions on the planet. I love name days. First I have to explain how names work in Bulgaria because there are generally two ways you can do it.

1) a child is named after either the grandmother of grandfather on the father's side of the family. The middle name is the father's first name and has an -ova or -ov suffix depending on the sex of the child. Then the last names change based on the child's sex and marital status... Like my dad's last name ended with -kus because he's a male, my mother's was -kene for married female, and mine's -kayte for unmarried female. So you can tell so much about everyone by their names, and it's a great way to carry the memory of those who came before you.

2) or you can name the child based on the day they're born, though this is less typical. In the Orthodox calendar every day has a saint. For example, on the 27th of this month it's St. Stefan's day... and my grandmother was named Stefana so that's when her name day is (but not her birthday because she was named after her grandmother on her father's side) So on that day, you call up everyone you know that's either a Stefan or Stephana... or if you were here it would be all the Stevens and Stephanies (they announce it on the news and it's also on the calendar) and wish them a happy name day. What you actually say is "May your name live on forever" which is like saying "May you have grandchildren and great-great-grandchildren named after you."

So whenever it's your name day you stay at home and make snacks, either a traditional yeast-free bread with honey or cookies or something because you'll have people calling and dropping by all day and they expect to be fed. Birthdays are pretty much only for children, and as you get older no one really cares anymore and remembering dates is hard, so this is such a better way to go. You see a name on a calendar, think if you have any friends with that name, call them and let them know that you're thinking of them and celebrating in their honor. My name day is on Christmas Eve... I guess that's what comes with having "the first woman's name ever" (She's rarely 'Eve' in other languages).

What a fantastic holiday! I couldn't be happier. Ash came over last night to join us for our traditional Christmas Eve dinner and it was just lovely. We were so happy to have her over-- my mom's really big on omens and first impressions so here are a few of her comments.

1) Good omen-- whenever you're preparing dinner and expecting company, how the food preparation goes has a lot to do with the people that are coming over. If you forget ingredients, or mess something up, or burn something or what have you, then that's a bad sign. If everything goes smoothly and the food turns out as it should (or better) than the company is good. My mom and I absolutely outdid ourselves this year, so she already loved Ash before they met.

2) This is what she said, exactly as she said it: "What a lovely girl! So beautiful and smart and she converses well with adults and she brings out such a good side of you! She just has a very positive aura about her." And my mom is never wrong about anyone or anything. Just saying.

So last night we had a wonderful meal with spanachnik, tikvanik, sarmi (stuffed grapeleaves), handmade (yeast-free) bread, bean salad, zheato (peeled wheat), honey, garlic, and... something else. I'll think of it later-- we had nine dishes like we were supposed to.

I can't even stress how good the company was. Each year my family makes it a point to invite someone over for Christmas to give them a good peaceful drama-free holiday and this year we did it twice. Tonight we were cooking and warming leftovers and my mom thought of her friend Gretel so she gave her a call. Gretel is a sweet woman from Guatemala who's recently divorced and her kids are out of town so she was all by herself tonight. We had her over for the evening and it was so nice to have a table of 4 two nights in a row :-) That's what this season is all about-- family, food, friendship, and reaching out to people. When did such a beautiful holiday turn into a thoughtless and stress-filled shopping spree? Ugh.

But speaking of gifts, I got some wonderful presents this year even though my family doesn't really do gifts. I think they count for my name day more than for Christmas though... more on that later. I got the most beautiful framed photo from Ash, which will look absolutely perfect in my dorm room, and my mom gave me a banker's lamp (it's perfect because I'm up late painting anyway so now I have a good bright light for that). I also got three gift certificates so I'll be getting coffee, a wireless card, some turpentine and a few canvases (Starbucks, BestBuy and an anywhere one) Yay!

Overall it was a fantastic holiday. There's nothing better than good friends, family and food.

12/22/2006

I can't wait til Sunday. It's been so long since I've been excited about Christmas-- probably because neither my mom nor I are working retail this season. Every season (since I was 16) was spent working until midnight, dealing with customers from hell, listening to 12 different versions of the same tired Christmas songs, and getting yelled at by nearly everyone since shopping tends to bring out the worst in people. Whoever made up the "peace, joy, and goodwill to man" thing never worked retail.

But this year is different and I'm really enjoying the preparations. My mom and I made the menu for Sunday and we're going to spend all day cooking. In the Easter Orthodox tradition, there must be either 7, 9, or 12 dishes on the table for the Christmas Eve dinner. This year we're doing 9 and we're making some of my favorite foods in the whole world.

1. Spanachnik-- it's this awesome spinach, feta, and other goodness wrapped in super extra crispy and yummy fillo dough and served with a yogurt garlic sauce.

2. Tikvanik-- it's kind of like pumpkin pie but a bajillion times better. It's pumpkin and walnuts and honey wrapped in super extra cripsy and yummy fillo dough. Mmmmm.

3. Sarmi-- they have to be meatless because eating meat on Christmas Eve is forbidden. So it's stuffed grape leaves with rice, and this particular recipe calls for cinnamon and raisins in it-- it's really really good.

You know, I think I'll stop right there, I really don't want to give everything away. It's going to be fantastic though and I really hope we have 4 people there instead of just the three of us. It would mean so much to us (not just me) to have a 4th at the table, especially someone who is so dear to me and would just make the evening complete.

...And you need a break more than any person I've ever known, so I really really hope you'll join us. It just won't be Christmas without you. *pleeeeeeease come*