I Am Not Running the Eugene Marathon

Mar 22, 2012

By Ali FellerFor three years, I woke up every single day excited about running. It was always something I looked forward to. Days without a run-induced sweat just weren’t as rewarding as run days. Often times, I would ride one runner’s high right into the next one.I ran my first half-marathon in July 2009 in 2:14. Less than two years later, I ran my fourth half-marathon, this time in 1:44. It just happened that way. I didn’t do speed work or hill training. I just kept running, and somehow I got faster. I didn’t know anything about pacing, I didn’t see the need for a running watch, and I had never heard (or, uh, mastered) the term “negative splitting.” I didn’t race often, but when I did find myself at a start line, I loved it. I would always tear up during those first few steps of a race because I was so happy to be out there, surrounded by fellow runners, racing our guts out. Race mornings, with all the nerves and the excitement (and the 400 trips to the bathroom…), were a blast.But lately, things have changed for me. Over the past year, I’ve learned a lot about running, and the knowledge has helped me, but it has also seriously derailed me from the real reason I started to run in the first place: for fun.I never ran to lose weight or to win races. I’m not an elite and I’m certainly not getting paid to sign up for running events. I have always loved working toward a goal, which is why I got into a habit of racing. Nothing wrong with that, right?When I was training for the Hamptons Marathon, my first marathon, I looked forward to each training run, because every run brought something new. A 16-miler! An 18-miler! A 20-miler! The big one! I felt myself getting faster thanks to speed work, tougher from all the miles, and excited about how strong I felt. I finally felt like a runner.

So naturally, as soon as I crossed that Hamptons finish line, I was ready to sign up for my next big challenge. I took one day off—one day to recover from running 26.2 miles for the first time—and then I was back at the gym, back in Central Park and back on various race registration sites. I was so hopped up on adrenaline that I just wanted to keep going! I took it slowly at first and then built my mileage back up for the Rock ‘n’ Roll Las Vegas Half Marathon.Despite a Crohn’s disease flare-up in the middle of training, my long runs all went well, and with my boyfriend as my new training buddy, I got significantly faster and set a few shorter distance PRs leading up to race day. Race day arrived, it didn’t go as planned, and I moved on.The New Year showed up quickly, and I felt ready to run a spring marathon. I knew I had an excitingly busy spring coming up but I was happy to add one more personal challenge to my list. And so, I registered for the Eugene Marathon on April 29.My goal for the race was to break 4 hours, which meant shaving 14 minutes off my Hamptons time. I was confident I could do it. I’m still confident I can run a sub-4:00 marathon. But it won’t be in Eugene, and it won’t be on April 29.Over the past month and a half, my body has started giving out on me. I like to think I’m superhuman and that I can overcome anything, but that may not be the case.Training for Eugene hasn’t gone as planned. Hip pain, stomach flu and knee pain have all forced me into unplanned rest days.And now? A Crohn’s flare-up. Another one.I was supposed to run 20 miles on Saturday. It took me two hours to leave my apartment. Every time I tried to start running, I ended up back in the bathroom, doubling over in pain. I eventually started to run, slowly, but it was hard. By the time I hit 5 miles, I knew 20 wouldn’t happen. At 10 miles, I called it. Everything hurt, and mentally I had no push. There was no, “I really want to do this! You can get through it, Ali! Come on, let’s crush it in Eugene!” I was just “blah.”My self-diagnosis? A little case of burnout.I think it’s clear that I piled on a bit too much too soon, and my brain and body rejected the idea. And as my body started shutting down and being uncooperative, my mentality shifted from “I love running!!” to “I don’t even care about this long run today.”I want to take a few weeks to just run. I want to wake up and run however far I want at whatever speed I’d like. I want to spend a Saturday running either 5 miles or 20 miles and be happy regardless of my weekly mileage total. My new plan is to get healthy and recharge both mentally and physically so that I can PR when the time is right.I spent a long time on Saturday thinking about my new “No Eugene Plan,” and I felt good about it. It was like a huge weight had been lifted. I didn’t want to fly across the country to run a race I hadn’t properly trained for or been emotionally invested in.

I woke up early Sunday morning to watch the New York City Half Marathon. As my friends PRed, I didn’t feel envy. There was no “I wish I had signed up for that race” regret. I was happy for my friends who set new records. More importantly, I was psyched to be on the sidelines, screaming like a total fan girl.As I stood at mile 13, I saw runners plowing toward the finish. They were hauling ass, determined to leave nothing behind on the course. I saw people surging with pride and people in excruciating pain, refusing to give up. It was so inspiring, and it was exactly what I needed to be surrounded by yesterday.I know my love will come back. I know my knee and hip will heal. I know my stomach will be on the mend soon. Everything will be great. I just need to not run a marathon right this second. And I’m fine with that.Ali Feller is the deputy editor in chief of Dance Spirit magazine. A few years ago she traded her ballet shoes for a pair of Brooks and now blogs about her love for running, spinning and all things sweat-inducing at Ali On The Run. You can follow her on Twitter at @AliOnTheRun1.

A Part of Hearst Digital Media
Runner's World participates in various affiliate marketing programs, which means we may get paid commissions on editorially chosen products purchased through our links to retailer sites.