Tanner and I have had a great Christmas so far! Especially considering I'm on call so I won't be seeing my family. However, we will see the Corbin Clan this evening so that helps. We decided to pay someone to mount our TV over the mantle (the thought of drilling into rock is intimidating - even to do-it-yourselfers like us), so we decided we would do a modest Christmas as far as gifts this year.

We woke up early(7:45) - how dumb are we? What can I say? We're still just two kids on Christmas morning. We had a little breakfast, cranked up the Christmas music and then opened gifts. We opened one gift early last week. I got Tanner a Sugarland cd, he got me a new makeup brush. Then later we were going to go rent a movie and he suggested I go ahead and open one more gift. It was Despicable Me on blu-ray, which is the same thing I was saving for him to open this morning! I guess we'll chalk it up to great minds thinking alike.

I returned his copy of the movie and got him a super-cute little Kitchenaid food processor. He was very excited, which made me excited. He's become quite a foody lately. He got me some knew slippers. I've needed some new ones for a long time, but the thought of wearing my old ones at the hospital amped up the search efforts. He also got Little Man a long-sleeved, footed onesie that says, "I (Heart) Mom." It really cute!

I thought we were done with gifts and I felt pretty good about the exchange. Then he goes to the hall closet and pulls out the trump card. He SSSOOO cheated! But I guess I'll just have to live with it!

Tanner and I always celebrate Christmas in a similar way as couple. And, yes, every year he outdoes me on gifts. But this year just feels different. It's our last Christmas a family of two, four if you count our furry kids (and we do). We absolutely cannot wait to celebrate our son's first Christmas next year. However, there's this small part of us that will mourn Corbin Party of 2. By time we are 3, we will have been married 8.5 years. So we know each other well as husband and wife. I'm a little anxious about the transition to mommy and daddy. And at the same time, I cannot wait!

I guess it's just like anything else, you grow and change together or you grow apart. We've always chosen and worked really hard to grow together. I think we've done pretty well so far!

To my sweet baby boy:

Merry Christmas! This is your very first Christmas in existence and you are already so loved. We can't wait to see your face and hear your voice. But feel free to stay put as long as you want! You are already one of the best things to ever happen to me. And I am so blessed to know you.

I'm having a weird day. I've been really emotional. I think I held it together at work pretty well, but now I'm home and my mind won't stop. I'm so anxious about naming our son. I want to him to have a name that fits him, not just something I like. I want him to like and be proud of his name. We've known for a while that his middle name will be Reed. This is after Tanner's cousin who passed away a few years ago. He's the closest thing Tanner has ever had to a brother. Reed was an amazing, funny, but above all, godly man. We would be so lucky to have our son turn out like Reed.

His first name, however, has been a much bigger challenge. We've had our list going for years with names we like. But when it comes to attaching one of those names to an actual person, the game quickly changes. Part of the reason for finding out the sex of the baby was so we could call him by his name. Although I'm 99% sure of what his name will be, I still find it difficult to use. I tend to get a little anxious inside when other people use his name. I think part of it is just that I'm not ready for other people to be a part of his life. It's just been me and his daddy up to this point. His grandparents, aunts, uncles and friends are all very excited to meet him. I just feel like if other people know his name and call him by his name they have some kind of hold on him. I am SSSOOO the possessive momma in the wild who eats her young because they were touched by someone who is not me!

I feel like a complete crazy person for feeling this way. Can I blame hormones? If I'm already this possessive, how will it be once others can hold him and see him and touch him. I don't want to be one of those crazy moms who won't accept help or let anyone touch my child. But.....if I am, consider yourself warned. Shakespeare said that a rose by any other name would still smell sweet. I'm sure my son - by whataver name he gets - will still be the same little person. I just don't want him to resent us for saddling him with a name he can't identify with.

I know we have to decide on a name, but I reserve the right to change my mind until we have to put it on his birth certificate! Sorry, Little Man! Your mommy is CRAZY!!!

So yesterday was a big day. I had another appointment with the doctor. It seems I'm catching up on the weight gain curve. I gained 8.5 pounds this month! That's right - 8.5! I've tried to tell myself that this is ok - healthy even - but it's still hard to take all at once. If you take into account the fact that I was wearing heavy shoes - 3 pounds according to the manufacturer (and yes I looked it up) - that makes the number a little easier to stomach. But what happens next month when I've gained again? Well, then my heavy shoe theory goes out the window. Total weight gain as of week 29 = 18 pounds. When you put it that way, I can live with that.

I passed my glucose tolerance test - woohoo! They also said since I've had such a healthy pregnancy (Blood pressure was still only 96/62 - so happy!) I can wait until 32 weeks to start coming in for check ups every 2 weeks. This sounds like no big deal, but I'm pretty excited about it. Especially considering I sat in the waiting room for over an hour before being seen this time. This is very out of character for my doctor's office, but for some reason it made very uneasy. It was almost like the longer I waited the more I thought something was wrong. Not necessarily with me or my child, but with someone - I just didn't like that feeling. Turns out it was due to the fact that they are switching over to electronic medical records and it was wreaking havoc with their schedule. Good to know!

I've really been meditating on several scripture passages throughout my pregnancy. One being Psalm 139:14, "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." This is a verse we have all heard, even memorized at vacation bible school. But have you ever really thought about what it says? I get that we are wonderfully made. I don't see how someone could look at the human body and the complexity with which it functions and not think it is wonderful. But I am also FEARFULLY made! After doing a little research I've learned that in the original Hebrew the word fearfully means: with great reverence and heart-felt respect. Sounds nice, right? But even that gives me more questions. Was God revering and respecting himself when he created us? Who is deserving of God's reverence and heart-felt respect? Certainly not me.

Maybe God was fearful of what we would choose for the lives he created. He gave us free will to make our own choices - right or wrong. He also gave us grace and mercy so that we would not have to suffer the eternal consequences of those wrong choices. He gave his son to die in my place so that I would not have to pay the price for my bad decisions. There are still earthly consequences to every decision we make - maybe that's why God was fearful. He knew that we would mess up, act like idiots and ultimately choose to put earthly things above eternal things. Maybe he feared that we would do more harm for his kingdom than good. I know most days I feel like I have done nothing to bring those around me closer to God. Maybe he feared that I would claim his name one minute and walk all over it the next. Whether these were HIS fears, they are mine. I long to be a person who lives what I say I believe, even if those around me think I'm insane. This is the kind of mom I want my son to have.

Maybe if God was fearful when he made my son, it's ok for me to be fearful of being his mom. I just want to raise a young man who loves God with reckless abandon. I guess that means I need to show him how. I know I've strayed and rambled long enough. Just wanted to share some of the things that have been on my mind.

God - your works are wonderful. I will never fully comprehend.

Oh - I forgot - one more thing! I've started having Braxton-Hicks contractions. Tanner and I were laying in bed a few weekends ago watching the boy squirm. Tanner's eyes got really wide and he said, "What is THAT?!?!" You could actually see my belly take on this weird, asymmetric shape. It looked really creepy. It was really hard on the right side, but rest was still squishy. After a few seconds, everything relaxed and went back to it's original - hahahaha - shape. My uterus is practicing. Just another reminder that we're getting close.

So today is the last day of my second trimester. I'm going to use the typical line that pregnancy prepares us to use as parents - Where has the time gone? It seems like so long ago that we started this journey, but it also feels like it was just yesterday. I know the rest of the year will fly by. And before we know it we will be bringing our son home (in his new car seat and stroller that we got today). My mind just goes nonstop thinking about all the things that need to get done, all thing this child will need and all the changes that are coming. I can't help but feel a little overwhelmed most of the time.

With the Christmas season upon us, I've been thinking a lot about Mary. I consider it an enormous responsibility to raise a son. Imagine how she felt knowing she would raise the son of God. Whoa! And I feel overwhelmed?!? Mary must have had such an amazing faith! But by all accounts, she handled her parenting responsibilities with humility and grace. Can you imagine how easy it would have been for her to one up all her mommy friends? Your kid walked at 9 months - my kid is going to save the world! I'm sure she never had that attitude, but just imagine how proud she was of her little man. I simply cannot wrap my mind around what that must have been like. While shepherds were spreading the news about her son's birth, she was treasuring and pondering. God help me to slow down enough to ponder and wise enough to treasure the things of you.

Luke 2:19 Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.

As we can continue to hurdle toward our due date at lightening speed, I pray that I can continue to ponder the things of God in my heart. I pray that I learn to treasure God's word and His will for my life and the life of my growing little family. I know that He will provide everything we need to raise an amazing kid. We just have to listen when He speaks, speak the truth in love and give our child up to the God who created him.

One more thing - please pray for my friend Jessica. She is pregnant, due in January and her house was robbed today. She and her husband are alright, but there a lot of things missing. Some that can be replaced, others that are now only memories. Just pray that God will give her peace and rest. Love you Jess.

So we went to our first childbirth class this week. It was weird. It just still doesn't seem like this is really happening sometimes.....at least not to us. I realized how terrible my diet is when I had to write down everything I had eaten that day. Carbs, carbs and carbs - not a great way to grow a baby. But he seems to be holding his own. We had to fill out a lot of other paperwork - contact info, other blah blah blah. There was one page that was more fun stuff. One of the questions on that page asked what characteristic we see in our mate that hoped to see in our child. Now, I know I'm pregnant so a lot of things make me cry (this is really not all that different from my pre-pregnant disposition), but this one really hit me. Through my held back tears I started writing. "Kind, helpful and loves his mom." These are just a few of the amazing characteristics I hope my son inherits from his daddy.

Tanner and I have quite a concrete morning routine. I hit the snooze button on the alarm several times before I poke him and say, "Tanner, time to get up." He reluctantly roles out of bed as I try to get a few more winks before getting up to eat breakfast. By the time he is ready to leave for work I've started on my bowl of Life and am sitting at the kitchen table reading my bible. He gives me a quick kiss and I say, "Bye baby - I love you." He replies with a quick, "Love you, too," and then it's off to work. This morning I got a phone call after I got out of the shower. It was Tanner just calling to tell me he loves. He said he didn't want to say a quick routine one, but a real one. Of course I started to cry, but come on - how sweet is that?!?! This is following a night where he spent the evening paying bills, doing laundry and cleaning up the house while I zoned out on the couch. I am so spoiled! And so blessed.

You can see why the question made me cry. There are so many things I want to teach my son, but no one can teach him how to treat his wife better than his daddy!