Plot Synopsis: Noah is back, and he's bad! He's been working, he's got a hot wife, he knows how to swing an axe. Are you going to criticize the carpentry or the design of the arc, prepare for the wrath . . . of Noah.. . then crazy rock creatures. . . then God! On my signal, this Noah says, unleash the floods!

This movie makes me wonder on what day it was that God created Hollywood, which, in all honesty, is the capital of all cheezyness, and here we thought that was France.

When I was in France, they told me that there were so many cheeses in France, you could taste one on each day of the year and still never get through them in a year. They also said, in France, that some of the finest cheeses were the cheesiest, well, by those standards that makes this movie about Noah one of the finest cheeses of all time. Because it stinks.

Arronoksy, who has an excellent track record of making beautiful movies that help us transcend (Requiem for a Dream, Pie, The Wrestler, Black Swan) went full hollywood on this one. I hope he enjoyed the union breaks, the studio food and the spacious trailers, because he just lost some major indie cred with this film fan.