Wednesday, November 19, 2003

Yesterday, I left work early, feeling sick. This head cold's been going around work and zeroed in on me. Fun. So, I went home. I figured that, between nose blows, I could work on the CDs. Somewhere in the afternoon, I got an email from Michael, Rosa's guy. Opening it, I found myself looking at a picture of their baby. If that won't punch you in the gut, nothing will.

Why did he send it? In an email conversation, he explained that he thought I wanted to be "in the loop". I told him that, as long as Rosa didn't want me "in the loop", it hurt too much to be "in the loop". I know he wasn't being malicious. It was just a misunderstanding. Still, I couldn't help but wonder how he couldn't know that she'd shut me out. How weird! Not weird enough, it seems - he didn't even know about my letter to her. This made me worry that, maybe, she never got the letter. So, I wrote her a quick email saying, basically, "I understand if you don't want to reply to the letter but please let me know if you got it."

Anyway, once the emails were done, I tried to get back to work on the CDs. You know, proceed as normal - right! I ended up destroying half the contents of a CD and fell back on my bed, crying and crying. One box of Kleenex later, I went and bought a pack of smokes. I needed to calm down - smoking helps you do that.

Then, this morning, I had another nightmare. It was another one of those, "Ken, I don't want to marry you because I'm marrying Michael" kind of nightmares. Marry? Hell, Rosa won't even date me!