Chaps Jokes

What do you call a bunch of upper-class British gentlemen bereft of donkeys?

Assless Chaps.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An old cowboy dressed to kill with cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink.

As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him.

After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?"

"Well, I have spent my whole life on the ranch herding cows, breaking horses, mending fences... I guess I am," replied th...

An 11 year old boy is walking down the hall of his house at night and hears screaming from his parent's bedroom. He opens the door and sees his dad standing there with a wig on in assless chaps with his mom on the bed in cheerleading outfit...

An 11 year old boy is walking down the hall of his house at night and hears screaming from his parent's bedroom. He opens the door and sees his dad standing there with a wig on in assless chaps with his mom on the bed in cheerleading outfit...

"Daddy!? What is going on?!" the kid spurts out, ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A cowboy ran out of food on the trail so he had to boil and eat his leather chaps.

The next day he pooped his pants.

My brother wanted to play cowboys and indians

So I put on a ten gallon hat and and chaps and he went to MIT and graduated in computer science.

What do you call two British men, searching for a donkey?

Assless chaps.

Source:

http://www.mrlovenstein.com/images/comics/345_daft_for_donkey.png

Two englishmen lost their donkey at a fetish convention

What a pair of assless chaps

I accidentally gave my wife superglue instead of Chapstick

She's still not talking to me.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man returns from work on a Friday evening and suddenly comes across the bottle

He opens the bottle and, all of a sudden, genie comes out of there.

The Genie says: "Thank you, mortal, you have released me from my miserable sentence. And, in order to show you my eternal gratitude, I will grant you one of your fondest wishes."

The man says: "Oh, I want nothing more,...

What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Massless chaps.

Credit: a student always writes a "joke/pun of the day" on the board every morning. The original punchline was "boo jeans". Other students like to compete throughout the day to come up with a better punchline. I thought this one was so good I'd see if it got any love from redd...

Politicians are like sperm

only 1 in a million turn out to be human

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Best country in the world

An American, Chinese man, Englishman and Australian are sitting at a bar, arguing who has the best country in the world.

American: Sorry partners but we've got the best country in the world because we've got the greenest grass.

Chinese man: I don't about you three but we've got the bes...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are working in a construction yard...

It gets to lunchtime, the men sit down on a half-constructed skyscraper and the Englishman opens his sandwich bag.

He says "Oh great, I've got cheese sandwiches AGAIN"

The Scotsman and Irishman also have cheese sandwiches.

The Englishman says "Tell you what chaps, if I have c...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Frenchman, a Brit, and a New Yorker go on a safari...

Along the way they run into a tribe of cannibals. The chief was a pleasant fellow, but had some unfortunate news for them.

"Gentlemen, I am sorry but I must follow the way of my people."

"Oh?" says the Brit. "What's that?"

"Well..." the chief responds, "We will kill you, cook...

Two elderly couples share a car

They're driving on the German motorway. Their speed is exactly 81 km/h. A police officer stops them. One of the elderly chaps asks:

'Good day officer, were we speeding?'

'No, not at all. But why are you going so slowly?'

'Why, can we drive faster?'

'Of course, 130km/h eas...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

It's World War 1...

British and German troops are set deep in the French countryside within their respective trenches. Separating them is no man's land, a small field littered with barbed wire, mortar craters, fallen heroes and their armaments.

Shots are being sporadically fired in each direction with no side ga...

Guy walks into a bar out west

It's deserted except for the barkeep.

"Where's everybody?" the guy asks."Down at the town square. There's a hangin' today.""Yeah? Who they hangin'?""Brown Paper Jack.""Why do they call him that?""Well, everything about him is brown paper...chaps, shirt, hat, belt--he even ...

Why do British prostitutes always carry Vaseline?

Because their lips have so many chaps on them!

An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walk into a bar

and spot a Welshman sitting alone at a table.

The Scotsman said to the others, 'Let's pick a fight with that Welshman over there.' The Irishman replied, 'Wait, we don't want to be arrested. Let's make him start the fight.' The Englishman said, 'Wait here chaps. I know how to do it.'...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Off in the English countryside, back behind the church, there lay a secluded stretch of river, set amidst the willows, which was reserved for clergymen who wished to bathe in the nude.

Prominent signs warned against trespassing, and barriers prevented boats and punts containing females from approaching this discreet section of the river.

One fateful Sunday afternoon, as the holy men laid on the bank, the river rose up. It washed away the signs and weakened the barriers, and...

An American, An Englishman, and a German are walking down a country road...

...When they see storm clouds on the horizon. Not wanting to spend the night out in the cold rain, they run for the nearest shelter they can make out: A farmhouse. They ask the farmer if they can stay the night, and he replies, "Well, I DID have three beds, but one of them got infected with bedbugs....

An Irishman walks into a bar and orders three shots of whiskey.

The bartender asks him why he ordered three shots. "My life-long friends and I have a tradition. We grew up together but have since gone our separate ways. One is in England and one in the USA, but we each go into a bar on the same day every year and order three shots of whiskey. It's as if we a...

Puttin' Together a Posse

This guy comes into the sheriff's office and says, "Sheriff, we're puttin' together a posse and goin' after an outlaw."

A little boy gets a cow boy outfit for his birthday...

and goes into the local ice cream shop. He's dressed in his chaps, a vest, a cowboy hat, a kerchief, a black mask and a double set of holster with two plastic guns. He runs through the doorway of the shop and the woman behind the counter recognizes him immediately as the little boy down the street. ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Jeff and Don are singing deck the halls....

When they both suddenly die part way through the song.

They are reincarnated as ass-less chaps. Jeff looks over and says: "Don, we now are gay apparel."

Wrapping Paper Cowboy

A tall weather-worn cowboy walked into the saloon and ordered a beer. The regulars quietly observed the drifter through half-closed eyelids. No one spoke, but they all noticed that the stranger's hat was made of brown wrapping paper.

Less obvious was the fact that his shirt and vest were als...

Falklands Heroes

Three soldiers of the Falklands Conflict saved their battalion from a minefield, and their commanding officer decided to reward them. They were waiting for their CO in his office in London when he strolled in. "Well chaps, since this wasn't officially a war I can't give you any medals. So, I will me...

A teen boy wants to borrow the car, so he opens his parents' bedroom door to ask.

He sees his dad wearing only chaps and a cowboy hat, on top of his mother, who has a feathered headdress and an indian squaw outfit on. He quickly shuts their door and disappears.

The parents decided to finish what they were doing, but a few minutes later, the wife asks the dad to go talk t...