Sarcastic Single Talks: Fable II

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Ah, the week of Valentine’s Day is starting and I can already taste the cheap chocolate. But don’t worry! I don’t think this is my personal blog where I can have a glass of wine and a good time at the expense of losing followers by the morning because of some underserved rant. I actually want to pay tribute to some games that leave me feeling less alone around this love infested holiday. I’m going to start with an oldie but a goodie, Fable II.

Originally released in 2008, Fable II was the sequel to Fable and is one of my favorite RPG’s of all time. Of course, there’s a narrative planned out. You are a boy or girl (you decide), living on the streets with your older sister. As children do, you wish to live in the beautiful castle that overlooks their shabby little town, and you feel your dream is coming true when a guard wakes you in the middle of the night and escorts you to meet that very man who lives in the castle, Lord Lucien. Of course, things don’t work out, you and your sister get shot when you don’t meet whatever weird expectation this Lord had of you, and your story continues some odd years later once you’ve grown up and decided…you know what, screw that guy! Like any good RPG, you decide a lot of things about yourself. Will you focus on magical powers, be a force of good or evil, save your loyal dog companion over the thousands of people you’ve met on your journey (duh, of course).

But why is this worth mentioning on Saint Val’s Day? Because, also like many RPG’s, you get to have relationships. From one night stands with women of the night, to settling down with a wife or husband, raising a couple of kids in a nice house somewhere, or both at the same time because why not? Fable II lets you play with the hearts of NPC’s however you like.

Well Marissa, that’s all fine and great, but almost every RPG lets you do that, so what’s the big deal?

It was my first time really testing out the bounds of video game relationships. During one of my playthroughs, I found a wonderfully kind, naive tattoo artist that just really made me feel some kind of way. I flirted with him, hoping for free tattoos, which is the real way to my heart, but ended up deciding to wife him.

I had him follow me from the gypsy camp my character was raised in to one of the nicest houses Albion had to offer. We got married. I got MAD STD’s! 12 of them! Like I was playing bingo and filled the whole board. Nonetheless, I was faithful, having two kids with the bloke. We had a son and…an evil little girl who enjoyed watching people’s misfortunes from the confines of her crib…k. One day after going off on an adventure, I returned home to a frantic husband telling me that our boy had gone missing near The Hobbe Cave. I saved him, naturally, because I was A BEAST! But it was cool that even after the story was done there was plenty to do with my fake family.

You don’t get that kind of post-game depth from many RPG’s. Even with Mass Effect‘s seemingly neverending dialogue trees, you still can’t peer years into the future to the life you built with Garrus! And yes, Garrus is my alien of choice. Have you seen him in that blue armor? How good he looks with his Mass Effect 2 scars? Like…MMmmmm.

Anyway, back to my thought, Fable II was not only a fun RPG that added features missing from the original (once again, shout out to picking your gender), but had a lot of depth to how relationships worked. Hetero or homosexual relationships? Fable II don’t care, love is love. Want to sleep with every girl in town, you might catch some fists by the morning but it’s doable. Want to raise a family? Go for it, your virtual kids will be lovely…unless again you give birth to the devil I guess, which still makes me question what happened to this day. Like…was it something I did? Did I fail as a parent?

But, most importantly, more STD’s than any video game ever!*

*Not sure if that is actually a fact, but when I found out about how many diseases my dirty husband gave me, you can bet we had one serious talk that night.

Hello, I’m Marissa (aka V0MIT M0NSTER). I love video games, which I have been playing since I was four, and movies, which I have been watching even longer. That’s why you’ll see me bounce back and forth from Video Game and Movie news. If you ever want to chat, find me on usual social media sites.

It must be borne in mind that all this time we have a Sperm Whale's prodigious head hanging to the Pequod's side. But we must let it continue hanging there a while till we can get a chance to attend to it. For the present other matters press, and the best we can do now for the head, is to pray heaven the tackles may hold.