You know you're Hawaiian if . . .

1. You buy large quantities of toilet paper in case there's a
longshoreman's strike.
2. You don't understand why anyone would buy less than a 20 lb
bag of rice.
3. You would serve spam as a meat for dinner.
4. You can taste the difference between teriyaki and
kal-bi.
5. You know what a plumeria is and which color dies first:
yellow, white or red.
6. You know why there's shoes and slippers outside of front
doors.
7. You know what is lei day.
8. You know what "stink eye" is, and how to give it.
9. You can correctly pronounce Kalanianaole, Kalakaua and
Aiea.
10. You know what is in the big breakfast at McDonald's.
11. You know what "huli huli chicken" is.
12. You can name 3 varieties of mangos.
13. You have at least one family member whose name is "_____
boy" or "tita".
14. You have said "wat, owe you money?","karang your alas", or
"dakine".
15. You know the difference between being hapa and being
hapai.
16. You give directions using mauka and makai.
17. You know what is "Hawaii Pono'i".
18. You know what it takes to get into Kamehameha Schools.
19. You can correctly pronounce "Likelike."
20. Someone says the word "UKU" and your head starts
itching.
21. You raise your chin to say "wassup" instead of
nodding.
22. When making "Shaka", the back of your hand is facing
out.
23. You say, "Nori" not seaweed paper.
24. You say "Brah" not "Bro".
25. You despise the movie "North Shore".
26. Your jokes are about Portagee not Portugese.
27. You laugh at couples with cheesy Aloha attire.
28. You get one pair of "tata" slippers.
29. You e-mail people in pidgin.
30. It's 70 degrees and you're freezing.
31. You use "tako" or hotdogs and old bread instead of worms
or fluorescent pink fish eggs for bait.
32. You got lickins' with "da rubbah slippah" or "da rice
paddle".
33. You can walk through Waianae and not get mugged, well,
sometimes at least.
34. You know that a "Kukui nut" is not one mental person.
35. You call it "saimin" not "Top Ramen"
36. You know Sapporo Ichiban mo bettah.
37. The surf report is on your speed dial.
38. Dressing up means shorts and an aloha shirt and da black
slippah instead of da rainbow one!
39. You say "shave ice", not snow cone or shaved ice.
40. Rainbow Drive-Inn is a special date
41. You go Kam, not Aloha, swap meet.
42. You know pineapples don't grow on trees.
43. You know what Li Hing Mui is and you put it on
everything.
44. You ask for Shoyu and not Soy Sauce.
45. You call public transportation "da BUS."
46. Every child you know has an American first name and a
Hawaiian middle name.
47. You know what the H3 is but you scared drive cause it's
haunted.
48. You search your car for pork before you go over the
Pali.
49. You go to Neiman Marcus "jus fo look"
50. You never take or move a lava rock or the rocks from da
Heiau.
51. You always know what "da kine" means
52. You can name the cast of Hawaii 5-O, or sing the theme
song.
53. Mainland people no understand when you talk.
54. You eat spam musubi on regular occasions.
55. When you leave the island for a vacation, you feel sad at
the airport.
56. You never wear shoes in the house.
57. You can wear slippers to almost anywhere.
58. You eat mango with shoyu, vinegar, and pepper.
59. You can be wearing boro boro clothes and nobody tink
nothin.
60. You never feel shame being the only one buying Spam in
CostCo on the Mainland.
61. You have a built-in space between your big-toe and
dakine.
62. You like ume, daikon, and kim chee better than
pickles.
63. On the mainland, you wonder "How come nobody get "Plate
Lunch ovah heah?".
64. When you go bathroom, you say "I going shi shi"
65. You give directions by saying things like, "oh yeah by
where the STADIUM used to be....
66. You go Kalihi Bowl fo eat "OX TAIL SOUP"
67. You think BAYWATCH HAWAII is stupit, cause they no no how
fo ack and Hassehoff sounds supa lolo trying fo' say "Eh,
howzit,brah!" (actually, you just jealous u not in da
show!!)
68. You no call raw fish "SUSHI!"
69. You get ti leaf in your back yard.
70. The local Korean bars serve you a glass of ice and large
platter of pupus with your beer.
71. Eating healthy means Spam Lite.
72. You never understood why adding pineapple and ham to a
pizza made it Hawaiian to the rest of the world.
73. The fool-proof name for every woman you meet is "aunty",
if you can't remember their real name. The same goes for older
males and "uncle."
74. You pass dis email to all da Hawaiians in you dakine email
address

"sometimes...its better to smell the same old shit, rather
than new shit..."