What is Domestic and Family Violence?

Domestic and family violence is any type of abusive behaviour used to gain and maintain control over another.

Abusedoesnothavetobephysicaltobedomestic and family violence. Domestic and family violence cantakemanyformsincludingemotional and psychological abuse, social isolation,financialcontrol, physicalviolenceand sexualassault.For more information, see Types of Abuse.

Domestic and familyviolenceinarelationshipiswhenapartnerorex-partnerconsciouslytriestomanipulate anddominatetheother.Itisaboutthemisuseofpowerandcontrol. Itcanhappeninany typeofrelationship or intimate partnership:LGBTIQ, same-sex, heterosexual,monogamous,openorpolyamorous;dating, in newrelationshipsorlong-term;live-inornot, even long distance.

Family violence in a relationship is when one family member consciously tries to manipulate and control another family member. Family violence can occur in your immediate family, extended family, kin or chosen family. These factors may be part of the reason people stay in the relationship or do not wish to leave their current geographical location.

Domestic and family violencehappensacrossallcommunities, socialclasses,ages, culturalbackgroundsandgeographicalareas.

Domestic and family violence is never the fault of the person being controlled.

It is the responsibility of the person misusing power and control to stop their abusive behaviour.

Throughoutthiswebsitedomesticviolenceisdefinedasabusefromapartner,orex-partner, towardstheotherinanintimateorromanticrelationship.However,domestic and family violence may alsoinclude abusewithinother typesofrelationshipsincludingbetweenfamily members,housemates, sexual relationships orin carer relationships,eitherpaidorunpaid. Depending on the circumstances of the relationship, the law may classify the abuse as personal violence and not domestic violence.

At the time of publishing this website (and accompanying booklet) in New South Wales, new laws and policies relating to the support of victims of domestic and family violence were being developed by the government.

The NSW Government’s policy released in 2014, It Stops Here, uses new definitions of domestic and family violence that are inclusive of LGBTIQ people. The policy recognises a range of types of abusive behaviours that are non-physical including the impact of preventing a person from having connection with their community or culture.

“Domestic and family violence includes any behaviour, in an intimate or family relationship, which is violent, threatening, coercive or controlling, causing a person to live in fear. It is usually manifested as part of a pattern of controlling or coercive behaviour.” (It Stops Here, NSW Government, 2014, p.7)

“An intimate relationship refers to people who are (or have been) in an intimate partnership whether or not the relationship involves or has involved a sexual relationship, i.e. married or engaged to be married, separated, divorced, de facto partners (whether of the same or different sex), couples promised to each other under cultural or religious tradition, or who are dating.” (It Stops Here, NSW Government, 2014, p.7)

“A family relationship has a broader definition and includes people who are related to one another through blood, marriage or de facto partnerships, adoption and fostering relationships, sibling and extended family relationships. It includes the full range of kinship ties in Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander communities, extended family relationships, and constructs of family within lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex or queer (LGBTIQ) communities. People living in the same house, people living in the same residential care facility and people reliant on care may also be considered to be in a domestic relationship if their relationship exhibits dynamics which may foster coercive and abusive behaviours.” (It Stops Here, NSW Government, 2014, p.7)

Types of Abuse

Domestic and family violence can take many forms. Many of these don’t include physical violence.

1) Emotional or psychological abuse is any type of behaviour used by one partner (or ex-partner) to make the other person feel afraid or worthless. Itcan also include one partner making the other partner feel responsible for their safety.

Common forms of emotional and psychological abuse include:

putting the partner down, e.g. telling them that they are ugly, stupid, worthless or incompetent;

humiliating them in front of friends, family or in public;

‘outing’ or threatening to out their sexuality, gender (identity, history or expression) or intersex status to friends, family, at work or to their cultural community;

threatening to hurt or actually hurting pets;

telling, or threatening to tell, others about HIV status (or other illness) without permission;

applying pressure to a partner to act or look more “male” or more “female”;

insistence that a partner must have medical treatment to appear more male or female;

applying pressure to conform to a particular gender;

applying pressure to have surgery to “normalise” a partner’s body, sex organs or physical appearance;

threatening to harm family members or children;

treating children in a disrespectful or abusive manner;

undermining the relationship between the children and their partner;

threatening to self harm or commit suicide;

operating video surveillance cameras and audio recording devices in the home to monitor the activities of the partner;

monitoring the partner’s movements; or

any other threatening behaviour.

2) Social abuse is any behaviour by a partner to control the other’s social life. It can include:

stopping the partner from visiting their friends or family;

abusing or fighting with their friends or family so they stop visiting, calling or having contact;

cutting off the phone or monitoring calls or bills;

cutting off social media or monitoring social media activities;

preventing them from attending LGBTIQ events and venues or other events; or

isolating them from their cultural background or preventing them practicing their spiritual beliefs.

3) Social media, cyberbullying and online abuse is any behaviour involving the use of the internet by one partner to harm, harass or humiliate the other. It may occur through social media, email, online forums, blogs or other interactive websites or apps. It can include:

sending mean or threatening messages directly to their partner or posting them publicly;