Boyfriend can't make me come.

I've been with my current boyfriend for about eight months now (we're 20 and 21 years old). We're really into each other; we're best friends and very intimate, and our sex is amazing. However he just doesn't seem to be bothered to make me come! I don't know whether it's meant to be as big of a deal for girls as it is for guys, but I can't help but think how unfair it is that guys will always orgasm during sex, or if not, through some other way, like giving head/hand. I really enjoy pleasing him and will ALWAYS carry on doing whatever I'm doing until he's finished and satisfied. But once sex is over, it's like, thats it. And I'm always left still feeling horny.

I wouldn't get too upset over it if it wasn't for the fact that I was with my last boyfriend for THREE YEARS and not once did he ever make me come. He, on the other hand, came pretty much every single time we ever did anything. He always seemed to play with me for a while and then for no reason at all, he'd just stop midway, probably because his arm got tired or something.

I thought my current boyfriend would be different because we're so attracted to one another and my sex drive is higher with him than it has been in the past. He's really great at making me feel good but he never follows it through to the end! I just think, whyy? Do guys think it doesn't matter for girls or something? He's often saying things like, "I just want to go down on you until you come" but this grand event never happens. I love him so much and don't know how to talk to him about this in case I hurt his feelings. But I'm getting really frustrated each time we have sex! Please help! xx

Gold Member

Every woman is different. That is what I have learned. My wife cums like a freight train every time with just a moderate amount of foreplay. Others I have been with required much more effort on my part, but had some really strong orgasms. I actually prefer a girl who is more of a challenge but its still fun. Having good sex requires a responsive partner but also that you know about yourself. The girls I have been in relationship have both taught me but also have learned how to help me please them better.

For me anyway, the greatest pleasure is seeing my partner enjoy what I'm doing to her. My guess is that he can't be too happy if he knows you're not orgasming. I'm not sure what can work for you, but you need to talk to him and help him (if he is willing) to be a better lover. Maybe take a night where he focuses only on you and learns about your body. For example, agree that he can only use his hands and mouth and let him focus on foreplay and giving YOU oral with hands involved. Eventually he should be able to translate that sort of experience to other aspects of sex together.

Tell him that the ways you want to get pleased and cum. If he is caring about you, he will try to follow that. If not, its up to you to take the future decision. Personally, I have never compromised with my like & dislikes with my partners. Perfect partners are those whose choices match. Personally I cum nearly 90% times over his mouth & face while my partner services me with his tongue.

BTW: Around 70% of the girls achieve orgasm through oral stimulation and not through penetration.

Anyway, as far as your boyfriend and his inability to make you cum.
Have you ever made yourself orgasm?
If you had, I highly suggest helping him along the way. Grabbing his hand and moving it to the place you want rubbed. Talking him though all of it. Telling him to rub there. Use two/three fingers in here. Finger/rub faster etc.

Talking him though it if you know your body well enough may actually help you.

Gold Member

Anyway, as far as your boyfriend and his inability to make you cum.
Have you ever made yourself orgasm?
If you had, I highly suggest helping him along the way. Grabbing his hand and moving it to the place you want rubbed. Talking him though all of it. Telling him to rub there. Use two/three fingers in here. Finger/rub faster etc.

Talking him though it if you know your body well enough may actually help you.

Some pretty good advice, above. I'd like to stress the communication thing. You need to get over being afraid of hurting his feelings. In reality, he's hurting yours every time you play, because of this issue. As Wetness1 says, guys might have a hard time keeping at it if they have done their business...
As suggested, you might want to make a night of "me, me, me." Your man may get into this more if you role play a little, take charge and be the Domme. Might make it easier than him sitting there "being taught." Just a suggestion...

Gold Member

... guys will always orgasm during sex, or if not, through some other way, like giving head/hand.

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This is not always true at all.

Moving on, it is completely a big deal... or it should be treated as one. While I think it's physiologically unfair that females have lower refractory time periods and can usually experience multiple/successive orgasms easier than a male- however many they have or want is just as important as the one or two (or more depending on the person) he wants/has. Communication is key- but (honestly) something like this shouldn't have to be communicated. This is my opinion. Others may differ. But in the year 2011- it should be pretty common place unless you live in the outskirts of some society's or are part of some religions. However, I've known a few Muslim men to love pleasing their wife and they're still in their birth country.

Gold Member

I think the OP has to come back with some more info. Does she have orgasms? Without more input, it's difficult to continue this thread constructively, other than for guys to tell her how they'd make her cum, of course. Addieface, where are you?

i was in a similar relationship so i had a discussion with him. I think if a guy doesn't get you off the first time they just think you are the 30% something percent who don't come.

You need to suggest something to him...like word it in a way that implys that you do come. or "it would be so exciting if i could come before you this time." or something... Maybe you should get yourself off in front of him and play it up just a bit ( a tiny bit) so it's all exciting for him to watch and then say "now you try..." with a sexy expression.

I know how frustrating this is! Trust me! Once he has what he wants you don't exist anymore. You have to tell him. I thought i just couldnt' come with a guy, so i told my currant bf not to bother, but he took on the challenege. And 6 months later he made me come for the first time (that wasn't me) and it took a while for the second time...but soon he had me doing multiples. You have to tell him no matter how awkward it is, or show him, because he has to know - he can't read minds.

if you want to go all immature route, nest time you fool around touch yourself too, get yourself off, and then roll over and sleep. That oughta learn 'im!

Lotsa good advice here. I'd just add that, at your ages, if you can have a clear discussion about what you want sex to be like between you two, you're way ahead of the game.

And if you can consistently get yourself off, don't be afraid to make that part of your sex life! I've had some great relationships with mostly-anorgasmic women, and them being able to comfortably bring their favorite toy to bed made things a lot more fun for both of us.

Thank you all for your constructive responses! I'm sorry I haven't logged in for a long while.

As it happens, I can make myself orgasm, pretty easily too. My boyfriend has known this for a long time and has even mentioned he'd like to see me get off so he could help me out. We did have a sexy skype call one time where we talked dirty and watched each other get off...we said we'd replicate it in real life but haven't got around to it yet. Maybe I should push this idea more? (him watching me touch myself I mean.)

I have also managed to point out recently that I'm often still horny when we've finished having sex, mostly because I'm sorry for it to be over because its so good (to make it seem like less of a putdown/criticism). However I think he still gets secretly a bit upset, and admitted to me the other night that it makes him feel less manly when he doesn't make me come. Having him realise that I'd like to feel a bit more satisfied during sex is definitely the starting point, which is good. I like the idea that Octavius suggested, about having a night just of "me"...but how do I go about suggesting this to my boyfriend?
I also like what RideNaked said about putting role play into and being a bit dominating - I think he'd like that. Requires lots of confidence though! I think I just need to let go of the worry that I'll come across as too bossy or something??

The other day actually after we'd finished having sex, he did lie me back and continue to touch me, but after a while I got self-conscious that I was taking too long and that he'd get bored, so I just tensed up and eventually got him to stop. He was quite disappointed.

I've just read the last couple of replies - they too are extremely helpful! I think after all things considered I am going to have a discussion with my boyfriend and suggest helping him along and try to make it suggestive and sexy. Thanks for all of your comments and advice!!!
I've also actually recently discovered that if I rub my clitoris during sex (in certain positions) then I can come - and then we can continue having sex until he comes too. That felt great. It would just be nice though if I could not worry about it for once and have him do it all by himself. That really would be just perfect! So I'll try and talk to him about it properly

I've just read the last couple of replies - they too are extremely helpful! I think after all things considered I am going to have a discussion with my boyfriend and suggest helping him along and try to make it suggestive and sexy. Thanks for all of your comments and advice!!!
I've also actually recently discovered that if I rub my clitoris during sex (in certain positions) then I can come - and then we can continue having sex until he comes too. That felt great. It would just be nice though if I could not worry about it for once and have him do it all by himself. That really would be just perfect! So I'll try and talk to him about it properly

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Yep, tell him, and show him, how it works. He can't read your mind... Good luck!