Good-Bye

NOBODY is telling you to commit suicide. But if you did, there are services that would take your dog, put him someplace where, in all honesty, he might be a little happier than he is now. Dogs need to be around smart people. Or at least some place where they can be chasing and eating smaller animals. One or the other.

Don’t take any of this personally. But I’m just saying, if you HAVE the urge, don’t worry about it- we’ll take your old records, your books -I don’t know what you do with old books but I’m SURE someone will get them out of your apartment so it can be rented again to someone who, in all honesty, may take better care of it.

We will all be heartbroken, OF COURSE, when we get the call that your laptop screen is splattered with blood and grey matter from a self-inflicted gunshot wound. Heartbroken! But really -don’t worry about us! We’d be heartbroken for at least as long as the phone call takes, then we’ll bounce back. Tragedy is just that: tragedy. Just another GENRE, like comedy.

And the End of the World is just that: the End of the World. Someone taking their own life is not the end of the world. For us, anyway. So that’s what I’m saying- if you’re worried about us, don’t be. We’re fine. We’re not going to kill ourselves. We’re too busy out here. That’s what I’m saying: we have things to do. If anything, your sudden disappearance would make it easier for us to do those things. Finally, we would actually be able to get things done!