First of all thanks for stopping by Sports Blog Movement today in this fictional scenario that would bring you here. We appreciate your dropping by and checking out the website, as you are one of the most talented players who will be available once free agency officially begins next week.

I agree with your decision to leave the St. Louis Rams. It must be difficult when you’re on one of the most underachieving teams in football, and your division has all of a sudden become a breeding ground for playoff contending killing machines like San Francisco and Seattle. That must really suck, and I can definitely see how you wanted to void out your last year with the club.

As a fan of your work (which includes being the 27th running back to reach 10,000 yards) I believe that I could shed some light on your current situation by recommending you to a team that has a much better chance of allowing you to shine. Might I suggest taking a look at the New York Giants?

Here are a few reasons that I believe that you would be a great fit for being in a royal blue uniform, starting from inside the NFC East itself…

1. There has never been a better opportunity to pad your stats than for the two games a year you’ll be facing the Philadelphia Eagles

Since you’re in the NFC West, you may not be constantly reminded that the Eagles’ defense is made out of low grade aluminum foil. They couldn’t tackle a goldfish stuck in a thumbtack, and I have seen no evidence that is going to change anytime soon. They would need to have Commissioner Goddell allow for them to play with thirteen men on the field every series to have a chance at becoming a top ten defense, and even then I’m not sure if they’d be able to plug up the middle with an oil drum full of Krazy Glue.

2. Even if the Redskins whoop up on the Giants every game during your tenure there, you aren’t going to be blamed for it

All of the focus on every game where any team plays the Redskins is going to be on Robert Griffin the Third. You could literally drop the ball on every possession and the guy with the dreadlocks is going to be in every highlight. Being on offense completely takes you out of this equation, and still gives you the opportunity to play in a major market. Don’t get me wrong, the Redskins played very well last year against the run, but it’s nothing you haven’t seen before.

3. The Cowboys can’t buy their way into the playoffs

No reason to worry about Dallas. Sure, JerryWorld may offer you a couple of hundred large to fumble during a Sunday Night game, but other than that you’re not going to need to worry about anything other than DeMarcus Ware. Think all of the money that the Dallas Cowboys spent over the past few years, and think about the improvements they made last year only to fall short of making the postseason yet again.

Now, here are a few more reasons that you should be a New York Giant. These are more “large scale” issue that would ensure that you would be happy with a good team in the city that never sleeps.

4. New York is practically paradise compared to St. Louis (Editor’s Note: This also includes East St. Louis, Illinois)

Look, I know it…you know it, and everybody else that lives outside of the St. Louis area knows it. There is the possibility if you DO live in town and you have that fact written down on a piece of paper, that it’s been stolen and pawned for enough money to buy a 20 milligram OxyContin before you even realized it was missing. Don’t get me wrong, there’s plenty of crime in New York, but at least there are cool things to do as well. How many times do you have to go to the St. Louis Zoo before you finally see the monkeys fornicate? And after that’s done, is there any reason to go the zoo again? And maybe it’s just me, but I’ve never trusted the Arch – it seems weird, janky, and half of something that’s eventually going to be the world’s largest advertisement for McDonald’s. Move where you can at least go see “The Book of Mormon” without getting shot on your way to the theater.

5. In New York you will at least get recognition for some of the impressive numbers that you’ve been putting up

If Brandon Jacobs can have a good year in NYC, there’s no doubt in my mind that you can as well. And David Wilson is still having some issues hanging on to the football, so you’ll get your carries. Our offensive line may not be the greatest in the world and they may draw a flag up to four times in a single drive, but as the old sayings go “If you ain’t cheatin’, you ain’t tryin’!”, and “Holding could be called on almost every play”. If you put up great numbers, the fans in New York will love you. If you don’t, your name will be tossed in the pile of guys who haven’t been able to do it and we’ll never hold it against you. It’s a “win/win” at best and a “win/don’t care” at worst. In other words, you can’t lose.

6. This opportunity would allow you to be in the playoffs or at least close to the playoffs almost every season

Yes, I realize that the Giants missed the playoffs this year. We were on that outer lip with the Bears and the Cowboys but it would be hard to agree that either of those teams were as good as the Giants. We have won two out of the last six Super Bowls, and we have gotten really hot during the playoffs during those years and…

Oh, I should probably remind you what the playoffs are in case you’ve forgotten. The playoffs are when the six best teams in each league get to compete in a tournament for two Super Bowl bids. It’s a pretty sweet deal, and technically you don’t even need to have a winning record to make the playoffs. This was the case on January 2nd, 2011 when the St. Louis Rams faced the Seattle Seahawks on Sunday Night in Week 17. The winner would make the playoffs and would be guaranteed to do so without a winning record…

You know what…that’s probably a sore subject. The point is, New York is where it’s at. And you seem like a smart guy, so we know that you don’t need to ask which New York team is the better to join. I’m sure Eli Manning would love to have you around, and once you get used to those rosy red cheeks Tom Coughlin is just another angry old man in charge. But he’s a successful angry old man in charge, and he would be able to place you in that offense and use you effectively. And the Super Bowl is there this year, so even if you don’t make it I’m sure he can get you tickets.

I hope you will consider this letter in your search for a new home. Please feel free to continue to stop by SBM on the street in my mind and see what we’ve got cooking in the future.

6 responses to “OPEN LETTER TO STEVEN JACKSON”

As an Eagles fan, I must take exception to you description of their defense. First of all, when you say “low grade aluminum foil,” do you mean like the Wal-Mart brand or that shit you get at the Dollar Store that turns black and flakes into nothing once exposed to temperatures above 75 F? Because they aren’t that good.