i) I'm currently writing a story which I've already sold. This is a new thing. Someone bought a synopsis of what I was going to write - just a few paragraphs of what's going on it in. They say "Absolutely, yes way! Now do it". So now I'm having to bring into reality an idea that I've convinced someone else I can actually do. I feel like I'm the merchant at market, trying to sell magic beans, and have just been put in the position of actually demonstrating the fuckers. Yes, I know how this is done. But it's not how I've done it.

ii) I'm currently obsessed with Scott Walker's version of "Jackie".

So here we go then:

And if one day I should become
A singer with a Spanish bum
Who sings for women of great virtue
I'd sing to them with a guitar
I borrowed from a coffee bar
Well, what you don't know doesn't hurt you
My name would be Antonio
And all my bridges I would burn
And when I gave them some they'd know
I'd expect something in return
I'd have to get drunk every night
And talk about virility
With some old grandmother
That might be decked out like a christmas tree
And no pink elephant I'd see
Though I'd be drunk as I could be
Still I would sing my song to me
About the time they called me "Jackie"

If I could be for only an hour
If I could be for an hour every day
If I could be for just one little hour
Cute in a stupid ass way

And if I joined the social whirl
Became procurer of young girls
Then I could have my own bordellos
My record would be number one
And I'd sell records by the ton
All sung by many other fellows
My name would then be handsome
Jack And I'd sell boats of opium
Whisky that came from Twickenham
Authentic queens And phony virgins
I'd have a bank on every finger
A finger in every country
And every country ruled by me
I'd still know where I'd want to be
Locked up inside my opium den
Surrounded by some china men
I'd sing the song that I sang then
About the time they called me "Jackie"

If I could be for only an hour
If I could be for an hour every day
If I could be for just one little hour
Cute in a stupid ass way

Now, tell me, wouldn't it be nice
That if one day in paradise
I'd sing for all the ladies up there
And they would sing along with me
And we be so happy there to be
Cos' down below is really nowhere
My name would then be "Jupiter"
Then I would know where I was going
Become all knowing
My beard so very long and flowing
If I could play deaf, dumb and blind
Because I pitied all mankind
And broke my heart to make things right
I know that every single night
When my angelic work was through
The angels and the Devil too
Could sing my childhood song to me
About the time they called me "Jackie"

If I could be for only an hour
If I could be for an hour every day
If I could be for just one little hour
Cute in a stupid ass way