Thoughts about Time: Losing Time, Using Time, and Making Time

Today is the first time, in a long time, that I wish I had more time.

I have a list of things to do and not enough hours to get them done. I feel like I’m making up for all the time I wasted during this entire time that I have been doing nothing. You know, the time when I had time.

My uk fiance visa required that I stay unemployed until I got my legal residence permit in the UK. Unfortunately, this took 5 months of waiting. Yes, I have been on a five month vacation. Sounds fun? Not really.

The problem with having too much time to spare is that it can make you fall into apathy. Having a surplus of time for spontaneity is not as enjoyable as other people think it would be. According to this study, too much spare time could make you sad. I totally get it. After being used to such a fast paced life, suddenly having to hit the breaks and relax is a hard thing to do, and when you do learn how to do it, it is hard to get back on the groove of productivity. It makes you feel sluggish, lazy, and uninspired.

I have been on a pretty long downtime, and this week, things are starting to pick up. I’ve finally established what steps I need to take next for my career. I’ve suddenly felt more motivation to catch up on related reading. I’ve done more writing in the last week than I have in the last couple of months. I met people I want to connect to. All of a sudden, today, I realised that I have little time to get things done. That thought, funnily enough, got me really excited. Today, I accomplished several things because I was on a deadline. I was a woman on a mission.

I have, hopefully, only a few more weeks of being unemployed. I realise that I have to enjoy the time that is left for me to just literally, netflix and chill. However, I’m just so ready now. I’m ready to get back to normal programming, get my old “seize the day” self back.

In a few months I’d probably wish for a break again, but I don’t think I’ll want to have this much break from my career again. Maybe not until I’m truly ready to retire. I found out that idleness is truly not for me.

At the end of the day it’s never about time, really. It’s all about how you use it. A lack of direction, passion, and fulfilment can really drive you crazy.