For what it’s worth, Hanzal has had seven fights and 347 PIMs in his 437-game NHL career. The Czech is 6-foot-6 and 230 pounds, mind you, and he does lead the Coyotes in PIMs this season (61).

He had missed a couple of games with a lower-body injury prior to helping the Coyotes up-end the Edmonton Oilers 4-3 on Friday.

Phoenix has the 12th fewest PIMs in the league this year. Paul Bissonnette, Phoenix’s tough guy, is listed as healthy, but hasn’t played since Jan. 13.

One vote against extended shenanigans happening is that Phoenix (24-18-9) is hot on the heels of the Canucks (26-17-9) for the eighth and final playoff spot in the Western Conference, sitting four points back with one game in hand.

2. Much has been made about how pedestrian Mike Smith’s campaign has been, but the Coyotes netminder and Canadian Olympian is 2-0-1 against the Canucks this season, with a 1.59 goals against average and a .947 save percentage (89-for-94). That’s a contrast from his season totals of 2.87 goals against and .910 save percentage.

For his career, he’s 5-3-1, with a 2.13 goals against and a .936 save percentage versus Vancouver.

3. It says something about that the Canuck power play that they’re turning now to Yannick Weber on the point. The guy was supposed to be anchoring the Utica Comets man advantage.

In 2011-12, he had four power play goals in 60 games with the Montreal Canadiens. He played 15 minutes, 37 seconds a game for the Habs that campaign, and got 2:49 of that with the man advantage.

]]>http://blogs.theprovince.com/2014/01/26/canucks-hat-trick-talking-hanzal-smiths-success-against-vancouver-and-weber-on-the-pp/feed/2steveewenMartin Hanzal tries to hold off Ryan Kesler from a Phoenix-Vancouver duel earlier this season. (Photo by Rich Lam/Getty Images)Kassassin Controversy – There can be only one!http://blogs.theprovince.com/2013/02/08/kassassin-controversy-there-can-be-only-one/
http://blogs.theprovince.com/2013/02/08/kassassin-controversy-there-can-be-only-one/#commentsFri, 08 Feb 2013 09:52:28 +0000http://blogs.theprovince.com/?p=107419Many times in hockey, a lot gets written about controversy whether it be due to on ice actions, or on some occasions, due to drunken escapades off of it. Today’s “controversy” is much tamer than all of that, as it …]]>Many times in hockey, a lot gets written about controversy whether it be due to on ice actions, or on some occasions, due to drunken escapades off of it. Today’s “controversy” is much tamer than all of that, as it has to do with a something quite small: a nickname.

Enter Matt and Zack Kassian. The two men are not related by blood, but they do share the same last name. Matt Kassian, a fourth line bubble player for the Minnesota Wild, and Zack Kassian, a young player currently rotating up and down the lineup for the Vancouver Canucks. Their one current bond, aside from the last name, also happens to be a nickname, that of course being “The Kassassin”. And according to Iain MacIntyre of the Vancouver Sun, Matt Kassian is adamant about being the lone “Kassassin”.

At least Kassian has his nickname protected. The 26-year-old has legally trademarked the name “Kassassin” in the U.S. and Canada, which means Canuck Zack Kassian will have to call himself something else.

So how did we get here? Let’s do a quick history of the men and how their nicknames came to be.

After the dust had settled when Cody Hodgson was traded for Zack Kassian, many in the Canucks online community were trying to come up with a nickname for young Zack Kassian. Cody Hodgson, who was often called “Cody Godson” by many, had set the bar in terms of having a fun nickname, so fans went through the options for Zack to try and find one equally as suitable. Eventually “Kassassin” separated itself from the pack and ended up being one of the more common names used for Zack Kassian. I fully admit, I was a big proponent of this, as after every goal Kassian scored, I would tweet “Kassassin Mode: Activated” as a silly way to celebrate him scoring.

In Matt Kassian’s case, the origins of his nickname have eluded my elite googling detective skills, but safe to say he has had the nickname longer than Zack Kassian, as he is the elder statesman in this debate at the ripe old age of 28 versus Zack’s 22 years of age. What my google detective skills did discover, however, is that Matt is so enamored with his nickname that he has created a website for it called www.kassassin.com , and as Matt claims in the Sun article, he has it trademarked.

Legally, it is an open and shut case of one man having trademarked something before another man. In reality, though, I am on the side of “How does a 4th liner trademark a nickname based around his last name?”

Look, I am not going to get into the 4th line bashing material that Paul Bissonnette faces on a daily basis. Matt Kassian has spent a life time dedicated to playing the game of hockey, and I am positive he could drop into random beer leagues around the country and have his way with most of the players there. Just getting to the NHL alone is a huge accomplishment, and I won’t take anything away from that. What I am going to get into, though, is the idea that a player that hasn’t had a giant impact on the NHL, trademarking his name.

First off, “The Kassassin” name is not some ingenious move on Matt’s part. It took about 15 minutes after the Canucks had traded for Zack Kassian that people realized “assian” resembled letters of the word “assassin” and before you knew it, a nickname was born. I guarantee you there was some dude named “Thor Kassian” who worked a blacksmith in England in the 1800’s hundreds who was known as the “Kassassin”, who possibly needed to bathe on a more regular basis.

Secondly, the nickname lends itself very easily to anyone with the last name of Kassian. This would be like someone with the last name “Jones” trying to trademark “Jonesy”, or if Ryan Smyth tried to trademark “Captain Canada”. I am sure you could try and do it, but it just seems all a bit silly to do so. Nicknames like Gary “The Suitcase” Smith or Ray “Chicken Parm” Ferarro, those feel like more personal nicknames, names that came from stories. Not a name that came from a word looking like someone’s last name.

Thirdly, Matt Kassian’s impact on the league is not very high. I would view trademarking a nickname along the lines of retiring someone’s number. If they’ve earned it, then go ahead, trademark away. The thing is, if they were good enough, the odds of them having to trademark their nickname would be very low. Gretzky doesn’t need to trademark “The Great One” in hockey, because anybody who tried using that would be laughed off the ice. Matt Kassian has not made a large enough imprint on the sport of hockey to claim a nickname as his very own. Gretzky could decide tomorrow that he himself is the real “Kassassin” and I would side with Gretzky on this one.

Regardless, Matt Kassian will probably fight to the death to keep a grip on the Kassassin name. As he himself notes, he has legal counsel within the family, and having a free lawyer on hand means he can go to war as long as he wants. I just think Matt is going to be fighting a losing battle. This is the era of the internet, and already if you google “Kassian” or “The Kassassin”, Zack and Matt’s pictures are both littered throughout. With Matt being a healthy scratch for all of his games this year, and with Zack seemingly on the rise, it feels like it will only be a matter of time before Zack’s star power takes control of that nickname and plants him as the face of “The Kassassin”. (“Kasquatch” has been offered up as a backup to the “Kassassin” nickname, just in case. Assuming Matt doesn’t have Kasquatch.com registered as well. Oh god, he does, doesn’t he?)

If Matt does continue to fight the good fight, and send threatening letters to anyone that uses his “Kassassin” nickname, all I ask is one thing. Can we get Brian Campbell and Gregory Campbell to fight over the nickname “Soupy”? Because it would just be unfair for there to be two “Soupy” nicknames out there if there can only be one “Kassassin”.

– Wyatt ” Awesome Sauce™ “ Arndt

PS. I also reserve the right to the nickname of “Kasslander” for Zack. This way I can knock out Zoolander AND Highlander photoshops.

UPDATE: The battle has begun. Careful kids, Matt’s lawyers/random friends are on the lookout!

]]>http://blogs.theprovince.com/2013/02/08/kassassin-controversy-there-can-be-only-one/feed/3kasslanderkidr0lllegalmattTweet it five-hole, fourth week of March, 2012http://blogs.theprovince.com/2012/03/26/tweet-it-five-hole-fourth-week-of-march-2012/
http://blogs.theprovince.com/2012/03/26/tweet-it-five-hole-fourth-week-of-march-2012/#commentsMon, 26 Mar 2012 17:30:48 +0000http://blogs.theprovince.com/?p=67736Can you believe this article has been posted four weeks in a row? My god, at this rate some people might actually call me consistent. You hear that, grade 10 English teacher?? DO YOU HEAR THAT?? YOU WERE WRONG.

Anyhoo, …

]]>Can you believe this article has been posted four weeks in a row? My god, at this rate some people might actually call me consistent. You hear that, grade 10 English teacher?? DO YOU HEAR THAT?? YOU WERE WRONG.

Anyhoo, this week has a lot of twitter action. Highlights include awkward pictures of team mates, Logan Couture being boring, Gabe Landeskog being awesome, Logan Couture being boring, players saying what they mean for once, and Paul Bissonnette using the term “Chocolate Rainbow.” It actually is as horrifying as you probably think it is. So put that Monday work aside, grab some coffee, and strap yourself in, as we tweet if five-hole! (Ryan Miller always gets beaten five hole on twitter. And in gold medal games.)

For those wondering what could cause Matt to lash out like this, here is the goal he is referring to:

I am shocked Matt would go so far as to say something “sucked”. In today’s NHL the closest a player usually gets to saying something bad is along the lines of “We only gave it 110%, not 120%”. So for a player to say something sucked, that is the equivalent to an f-bomb littered tirade with a couple of punches thrown in for good measure.

Also, seriously, how does the ref make that call? The bitter Canucks fan in me says the refs are warming up for another Boston playoff run.

Zzzz…..wait what? Oh sorry, it’s Logan time. The only danger of me doing this post on a Monday is that I have to constantly fight the staying awake vs Logan Couture battle.

I want more of this. “NHL players answer stupid questions!”.

“Hey Henrik, why do you pass to Daniel so much?”

“Thanks for the question! I pass so much to Daniel because it allows us to cycle the puck in the corners, and also Daniel is more of a shooter, so I try and get him open for the shots. Plus, we’re psychic, and Daniel whines a lot for me to pass in my head. It gets SUPER annoying. Hope that helps!”

“Hey Dan Cloutier, why did you let in that Nick Lidstrom goal from center ice?”

“I let in that goal because I am a terrible goalie. Thanks for writing!”

“Hey Tim Thomas, why do you have such a smug look on your face all the time?”

“Hi there. You Have No Right To Ask Me That! LEAVE ME ALONE. If You Have Any Questions You Can Check Out My Facebook Page, I Will Have A Statement Telling You To Eff Off At A Later Point.”

You should get the “NHL Playoffs” app!

Oh……oh god…..I’m so sorry…..this is so awkward…..

Jordan Eberle, proving once again that NHL players are just like you and me. Not that I care when I finish hockey and I have no texts waiting for me. Nope. Not at all. *sniff* I have something caught in my eye, excuse me.

Michael Grabner might have caught Steve Bernieritis. It’s probably best if we put him down behind the shed now. Don’t tell the kids.

Also, I read that as Michael Grabner was trying to steal a Canadian ATM machine. Then I realized he was talking about beating Tavares in poker. Can you tell it’s Monday morning?

Tiger Break

I want to take a break here and just say how we as fans need to learn to stop jumping to conclusions. Just because a player has one bad week doesn’t mean his career is over or that he is a bust. Similarly, if a player has a hot streak, we shouldn’t expect him to produce at that level all the time. Players must hate this with a passion, all these crazy conclusion we fans jump to based on one small sample size. Tiger Woods just won a tournament over the weekend, and I bet the last thing he would want is all the pressure of fans saying he “is back” because you know what, it’s just one tournament, and athletes realize-

Never mind.

Gabe Landeskog throwing his dad under the bus on Twitter. Reason #47321 why he might be the King of Twitter. Next Movember I hope Gabe can live up to his Dad’s ‘stache.

Logan is so boring he forgot to tweet his Tiger Woods update along with everyone else. I assume he made himself pass out when reading his own tweets. The use of “yall” was a bit odd, though. It almost showed personality…

Hahah, I seriously love it when team mates chirp other team mates.

STOP. JUST STOP.

Welcome to “John Erksine Learns About Accounts Being Hacked.” I like how innocent he sounds. “Hey what the heck, I didn’t DM you that! What’s going on here?? I swear I didn’t DM you that….or maybe I did? I don’t know what’s going on! I’m scared….”

Again, sometimes the tweets are just funny and I don’t have to say anything.

Kevin Shattenkirk also proves NHL players are just like us with his passive aggressive approach to girls with his “will you pay attention to me if I mention your name on twitter”. It won’t work Kevin. Miley will only use you for your body. A lesson I learned the hard way.

I imagine Logan cheering involves one solid clap. Anything more than that would be “too crazy”.

TJ Galiardi asking the question everyone asked themselves when they saw the trailer for that movie. This might be the one movie I would be OK with Michael Bay directing. “We’re going to call them “Stooge” and there will only be two of them, and one of them is going to die in an explosion. On a space station. He was an alien.”

Steve, if you do find a good artist, I have the design all ready for you:

I seriously do not want to know what any of this is about. At all. Ever.

Jordin Tootoo shows why hallucinogens are a bad thing. Also I have a strong urge to put pencils between those huge gaps in between his big toes.

It’s always a loose sock that does you in. You always look back and see one lone single white sock mocking you…

Wisniewski is dealing with concussions the right way. I feel more NHL players should handle concussions by handing out free stuff.

Apparently this was for a fashion show the Ducks players put on for charity. Good on them for dressing up in terrible clothes for charity!

Google Translate says Gabe is saying:

Zlatan and his autobiography is a masterpiece. He is undoubtedly one of the most interesting and wonderful personalities.

OK, so I am an Italian soccer fan (Inter Milan baby!) and I hate Ibrahimovic, who I assume Gabe is talking about. Taken from Ibrahimovic’s autobiography:

“After one scudetto win under Roberto Mancini, as players filed up to thank the manager, Ibra sauntered up to his coach and said, “You’re welcome.” (Full link HERE)

So I have to assume Google Translate MEANT to say:

Zlatan and his autobiography is a masterpiece. He is undoubtedly a giant arrogant dick.

And let’s end the week with the Canuck’s own Kevin Connauton. Say “Thank you” if Kevin ever opens a door for you. Just a heads up.

]]>

http://blogs.theprovince.com/2012/03/26/tweet-it-five-hole-fourth-week-of-march-2012/feed/0tweetitfivehole3kidr0lltweet1tweet2tweet3tweet4jetsapptweet5tweet6tweet7tweet8tweet9tweet10tweet11tweet12tweet13tweet14tweet15tweet16tweet17tweet18tweet19tweet20tweet21tweet22tweet23tweet25steveotttattootweet26tweet27tweet28tweet29tweet30tweet31tweetTweet it Five-Hole, 3rd week of March editionhttp://blogs.theprovince.com/2012/03/19/tweet-it-five-hole-3rd-week-of-march-edition/
http://blogs.theprovince.com/2012/03/19/tweet-it-five-hole-3rd-week-of-march-edition/#commentsMon, 19 Mar 2012 08:49:22 +0000http://blogs.theprovince.com/?p=66479Well folks, it’s time for yet another installment of Tweet it Five-Hole, the HIGHEST rated NHL twitter article on the internet. I may have made that up. Regardless, it is still a fun weekly article to get your week started, …]]>Well folks, it’s time for yet another installment of Tweet it Five-Hole, the HIGHEST rated NHL twitter article on the internet. I may have made that up. Regardless, it is still a fun weekly article to get your week started, because nothing says “F*** you Monday!!!” quite like reading the exciting tweets of all the stars of the NHL, and Logan Couture. I know when I get into work and see that I have a ton of e-mails to go through, I can at least tell myself “Thank god Taylor Hall had a good Friday night, otherwise I would not be able to face this.” So come on, what are we waiting for, let’s get this party started!!

You guys know I love to start things off with a bang, so let’s get right down to one of the funniest tweets of the- oh ****, it’s Couture. Couture, who as you know, is my Twitter Nemesis. His goal? Make twitter the world’s most boring place. Ever. My goal? To run screaming anytime I stumble across his tweets. Alas, that is tough to do when you have to write about him. What is Logan talking about this week? God knows. It could be March Madness related. It could be the Sharks playoff run related. Or it could be that he used three ice cubes instead of the usual two in his iced tea. (He does this when he’s feeling naughty.) One never knows with Logan. Rest assured, whatever this is in reference too, it was nothing remotely exciting.

Ladies, MAGnum is still painfully single. Why is nobody getting in on this? Come on. You ladies need to step up your game! How hard is it to tweet “My house” to the poor guy? (Let’s all ignore the fact the team probably has 18 personal chefs ready and waiting to make him a meal. The Wellwood 18 they’re called…)

Mark Messier: “In my pants.”

But seriously. Why is Taylor Hall asking this? He’s been in Edmonton two years now. He should know where to eat. Gragnani has a valid excuse. Hall does not. This is on par with Taylor Hall tweeting “Hey guys, anybody know where Rexall Place is?” or “Do I use two “l’s” in my name, or one?” (Sadly Twitter lied to Hall, leading to this very rare rookie jersey)

When I review the NHL twitter tweets backwards, timeline wise, I come across things like this that make zero sense. At first I thought it was purely a language barrier issue, or perhaps a circumcision debate, but in the end, it ended up being about a haircut. Still, out of context, I love this tweet. “Brent want me to cut it so I’m good to go!”

Logan Couture, noted Twitter Hater, meet your complete opposite, Gabriel Landeskog, noted Twitter Lover. I like Gabe so much I won’t even make the joke about how what Gabe calls “napping” is something he should contain to the hotel bathroom.

What Shane O’Brien failed to mention is that the cab dangled right around him and scored the game winner. Old habits die hard.

Brent still plays hockey. In the KHL. Where apparently drinking beer isn’t as big as a problem as it is in the NHL? Either way, Brent Sopel’s twitter picture needs to die in a fire.

TJ Galiardi is correct. If ever there was the world’s safest date where you could ensure that your daughter’s virginity would remain intact, Logan Couture is your guy. “Dancing? That seems a little too extreme. Limbs moving too and fro. Frankly, I get sick just thinking about it. Not for me.” – Logan Couture

This is the first time an NHL player outside of Vancouver has said something nice about us since the 2011 NHL playoffs! Woo! (I assume Dr. Recchi is on his way to hunt down and kill Matt Duchene as we speak)

Woah woah woah….what’s wrong with crockpots? *cradles crockpot protectively* Who doesn’t love coming home to a house smelling of food??

I don’t even have anything funny to say about this, I just think it’s solid advice. Gabe, you’re ok in my books.

Zing! Down goes Foxworthy! Down goes Foxworthy! I think my favorite part is that Gabe doesn’t even know Jeff’s name. Double insult. “Hey no name guy, your moustache sucks” is what just happened here folks. I would kill for a Canucks rookie to be on twitter like Gabe is. If Kassian joined twitter and tweeted “Hey Rosie O’Donnell, Movember ended a while ago” he would be a hero to the masses.

Hrm. Logan saying something about an MTV show. This seems out of character for him. I wonder what show he is talking about…Apparently this episode is about teens who have to deal with mom’s who are “hotter” than them and they have to compete with them for attention…..Oh, wait, now I know why Logan watched it:

He loves multi-colored curtains. “Did you see that?? They had THREE colors on one curtain! THREE! I thought two was crazy, but THREE???” – Logan Couture.

Ah, Kevin Bieksa is seen here showing off the vaunted “back pedal” move that is perfected by an athlete every time they get into trouble for a quote that garners a negative reaction. If you guys want to see the math at work here:

I love it when the players do all the work for me. Biz coming through in the clutch like always. (On Twitter. Not on the ice.)

That’s it for this week! Remember, if you want more interesting tweets, then get out there and steal some NHL player phones! If you aren’t part of the solution, you are part of the problem! Or as Logan Couture would say “I just ate an apple.”

]]>http://blogs.theprovince.com/2012/03/19/tweet-it-five-hole-3rd-week-of-march-edition/feed/0tweetitfivehole3kidr0llatwitte6atwitter2atwitterhallatwitter3atwitter4atwitter5atwitter7atwitter8atwitter9atwitter10atwitter11atwitter12atwitter13atwitterloganatwitter14atwitter15atwitter16bizTweet it Five Hole – 2nd week of March editionhttp://blogs.theprovince.com/2012/03/12/tweet-it-five-hole-2nd-week-of-march-edition/
http://blogs.theprovince.com/2012/03/12/tweet-it-five-hole-2nd-week-of-march-edition/#commentsMon, 12 Mar 2012 09:10:50 +0000http://blogs.theprovince.com/?p=65306That’s right folks, another week has gone by, which means another week of NHL player tweets! Which is an exciting time if you ask me. Assuming I don’t only cover Logan Couture tweets. I heard the Minnesota Wild and the …]]>That’s right folks, another week has gone by, which means another week of NHL player tweets! Which is an exciting time if you ask me. Assuming I don’t only cover Logan Couture tweets. I heard the Minnesota Wild and the St. Louis Blues use Logan Couture’s tweets as blueprints for their game plans. “Seriously, guys, if we can reach the level of boredom Couture manages on a weekly basis on twitter, we can’t be stopped. EVERYBODY will be asleep. And possibly voiding their bowels. Unpleasant? Yes. Does it give us a victory? Damn straight.”

That being said, there are some fun tweets out there, and my respect for Kadri and Gerbe has grown ten fold from what I have read this week, so we should be able to put the pain of Logan behind us. Read onward my friends!

Well TJ, knowing St. Louis, something tells me you are perfectly content to sit and wait this one out for as long as boringly possible. I assumed the internet being down was basically dry land training for a Hitchcock run team.

Though if you want an answer for what would happen if the internet around the world went down, I have one simple answer for you. Angry Rioting Asian Kid Strikes Back. (Sadly directed by George Lucas, so expect a lot more blue screen scenes.)

David, you’re doing it wrong. You need to follow Logan Couture’s tweets. Insta-Coma. Guaranteed. I’m pretty sure it was featured on the Dragon’s Den.

My favorite twitter accounts are the ones run by players who really use twitter to show off their unique personalities. Accounts that the team really has no influence over, so we can try and get to know the person behind the mask so to speak. Now maybe I’m being cynical, but these does not seem like one of those times……

Oh Nazeem. Before I used to dislike you because Toronto fans would get into huge arguments over Hodgson vs Kadri. But now that Hodgson is dead to me, and now that I see you know how to properly view Price is Right, I am a firm supporter of yours. Price is Right is on TV so we can judge people for their bids, folks. Nothing brightens my day more than yelling at Grandma for over bidding on a box of detergent. “When was the last time you even DID laundry??”

Robbie Schremp. Showing he uses those soft hands for more than just stick handling.

I’m sorry, but a team using a hashtag to describe themselves is annoying. If the Canucks used #winning or #unstoppable or #willbiteforfood last year, I would have found it annoying as well. Let us fans create the garbage hash tags, not you guys. We’re the professionals at this, you already have a high paying job, leave our non paying job alone!

Awwwww, Fistric’s dogs are reading Couture’s twitter account!

Folks, great news. According to Dr. Recchi protocol, Mike Ribeiro is NOT suffering from a concussion. Under guidelines 2.4, section 4, sub section C, “Any player caught tweeting from a movie theater shall be deemed NOT suffering from a concussion. You can use this diagnosis for up to a year.”

Mike Bossy. Amazing goal scorer. One of the best of all time. But not so good with the delete button. “I just wish there was a way I could go back in time to delete this tweet!!! Why god, why?!?!?!?”

This one made me laugh because I have never seen a player answer a question about an injury status request before. I kind of want to see what else Backlund won’t answer.

“Bro, can I have your credit card number?”

“sry can’t give u that.”

“Hey dude, can I get an autographed stick from you?”

“sry can’t give u that”

“Hey can you try making a decent pass for once? Thanks. -Iggy”

“sry can’t give u that”

Kevin Bieksa does what everyone does when stuck in the border crossing nowadays. Complain on his phone. I heard a rumor that while waiting to cross the border, Bieksa let a guy get behind him for a breakaway. #ohsnap #IstillloveJuice

I just love watching the process Duchene’s mind went on this one.

“Shoot, lost my drivers license. Ok, that’s ok, I’ll ask twitter if they found it. I hear stories like that all the time! It happened on Amazing Race, somebody got their passport back because of twitter. OK, let’s do this, I’ll just ask them to tweet me a picture of the license as proof…….oh **** wait, that means everyone will have my drivers license info…….crap…….damn, while tweeting that I snapped my other ankle.”

OK, a couple of things.

1) Indoor hockey is AWESOME. Me and my best friend Dinos used to play this ALL THE TIME when we were young. We would get so involved in the games and it would get so intense that bruised and bloody knuckles from slashing each others hands became the norm. I also won’t lie, I would play this again today if I could.

2) I wish I had these nets as a child. Using the fireplace grate and the sofa as the “goals” was fraught with peril and danger….

Also, Nathan Gerbe is my hero for playing this and for also getting the victory shot of a downed opponent. Bravo good sir, bravo.

The MAGnum needs food suggestions and goes to twitter for help. Ladies, if ever you needed a sign that this man is single….

2) Part of me wishes that this was some ultra subtle slick jab at Edmonton about how even when it’s an awesome day outside, golf on TV in a hotel room would be a better choice than walking around Edmonton. But this is Logan Couture. There is no joke.

This wins the award for BizNasty Tweet of the Week just because it is so random, yet I am 100% positive Biz really honestly wanted an answer for this. Assuming Paul isn’t tagging about tea bagging somebody online, of course. “You tea bag the guy on the ground until you see him screaming and swearing at you in general chat”

OK, Logan Couture just called something boring. I don’t think I can properly convey just how amusing this is on several levels.

This is just solid advice, folks.

Mike, I’m going to go ahead and ask what everybody is thinking. On the ice, or in the bedroom?

]]>http://blogs.theprovince.com/2012/03/12/tweet-it-five-hole-2nd-week-of-march-edition/feed/0tweetitfivehole3kidr0lltwittervancouver_riot01twitter2twitter3twitter4twitter5twitter6twitter7twitter8twitter9twitter10twitter11twitter12twitter13twitter14twitter15twitter17twitter18twitter19twitterfinalTweet it five hole – First week of March editionhttp://blogs.theprovince.com/2012/03/05/tweet-it-five-hole-first-week-of-march-edition/
http://blogs.theprovince.com/2012/03/05/tweet-it-five-hole-first-week-of-march-edition/#commentsMon, 05 Mar 2012 21:04:52 +0000http://blogs.theprovince.com/?p=64204That’s right folks, Tweet it five hole is back. And you know what that means. It means I had to dig through endless amounts of boring tweets from NHL players to find the hidden gems for your amusement. Sometimes I …]]>That’s right folks, Tweet it five hole is back. And you know what that means. It means I had to dig through endless amounts of boring tweets from NHL players to find the hidden gems for your amusement. Sometimes I didn’t find a gem (Logan Couture. The world’s most boring man.) but I tried to make it into one anyways. This is what we in the business call “dressing things up” to make them look pretty. It’s like what Vancouver fans did in 2003 when we pretended Dan Cloutier was a solid starting goaltender. “But he has several 30 win seasons” was always my favorite. Lidstrooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom.

Shall we begin? I am honestly falling asleep here by the way. NHL players on twitter is not something that should be read before operating heavy equipment.

I guess it depends if they mean dashing, young, Prince Williams, or older, looking more and more like Charles, Prince William. Either way, I agree, the bluetooth ear piece means you cannot dispute him. Accept your new title as Prince Bonino and move on with your life.

Hal Gill knows how to make it through airport delays. Though he apparently does this during penalties as well. Which is a nice throwback to the 1980’s decade of hockey when I’m pretty sure the power play coaches drew up plans on the back of a Molson 24 pack box.

Ok, so who wants to break it to Cam about the fallacy of this statement…. Unless I’m missing the context? Maybe he means plenty more tweets to come? Let’s hope that’s what he meant.

As per my rule, I only allow one Biznasty tweet a week (otherwise my entire article would be all of his tweets) but this wins the Paul Bissonnette Tweet O’ The Week. Mostly because it is something I would have said. Or more importantly, something Mason Raymond should say.

Logan Couture doesn’t tweet often, but when he does, he tweets this. He is the world’s most boring man. Logan Couture’s personality on twitter is a spectacle, let me tell you. You want the worlds most inane and idle chatter, you go here. If a player snapped one day in the NHL and pulled out a knife and started stabbing the Washington Capitals during a 3rd period power play, and the entire world was buzzing about it, Logan Couture would be tweeting about how he just watered his plants. And that would be his most exciting tweet to date because it means he was actually tweeting about doing something. The plants would later die due to boredom. Logan would not tweet about it. That would be too risque.

Not that I want to question Jonathan Quick here, but if meeting Colin Hanks is the best part of your night, you’re doing it wrong.

Maybe it’s just me, but I imagine that Ducks GM Bob Murray saw this tweet and began screaming for somebody to get Smith-Pelly on the phone to tell him to stop. For a guy that broke his foot recently you would think this is pretty much a nightmare scenario for the Ducks to unfold before their eyes. This would be like Pavel Bure going mogul skiing all day a month after his ACL surgery.

I was not aware TJ had the money to move into Vancouver’s vaunted “Beach Condo District”. Full props to TJ for being 10000 times more entertaining than Logan, though.

“Roberto” Strombone1 “Luongo” explains to us that he often ponders holding a store up at gunpoint. At least, that’s how I am reading into this.

ORE AND WHEAT ORE AND WHEAT. You plan for the end game, DO YOU HEAR ME?? Don’t fall for that lumber and brick BS, that is a dead industry, YOU GET ORE AND WHEAT. Sorry, where was I again?

I enjoy this because I love the “?” mark in it. It makes him seem like a diabolical Batman villain. “Has anyone seen my phone? Can’t find it?” *cue diabolical laughter*. Seriously, try this out in a conversation. Just make your last statement a question. The look of confusion and pure horror on people’s faces will make it well worth it. “I need to get to the hospital. My mother was in an accident?” *arch your eye brow here*

*sniff* I once had a t-shirt for sale….a Cody Godson t-shirt…..THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN CODY.

Also, I enjoy Steve Ott’s “OK, hurry up and take the ***** picture already” face.

This tweet was sponsored by the year 2006, who also brought you such things as Russian cutting off gas to the Ukraine, Tony Blair stepping down, and Sadam Hussein being sentenced to death. McGrattan cracks me up on twitter, though. Dude tweets the most random things ever, but always makes sure to say goodnight. A true twitter gentleman.

The World of Gabe Landeskog

For those not aware, Landeskog is a rookie for the Colorado Avalanche, and he is awesome on twitter. Friendly, engaging, and talkative on twitter, Gabe is everything you would want out of a young player on twitter. So yes, for those at home thinking it, he is the complete opposite of Logan Couture. We will finish off the next three tweets from Gabe to finish this strong.

OK, here we see Gabe learning rule number one of the internet. We’re dirty. You could be talking about how you once met Goofy at Disneyland as a child and it was the best day of your life, and we would find a way to taint this and make it seem dirty. But we should be nice to Gabe, he is a rookie, we should cut him some slack and not try and turn everything he says into something dirty.

Well….ok, lets’ keep giving him some slack. Maybe he is reading it for the articles? Or the nice tropical locations? I am sure he is not oggling the pictures. A young man wouldn’t be doing that.

Uhh………

]]>http://blogs.theprovince.com/2012/03/05/tweet-it-five-hole-first-week-of-march-edition/feed/0tweetitfivehole3kidr0lltwittertwitter2twitter3twitter4twitter5twitter6twitter7twitter8twitterlutwitter9twitter10twitter11twitter12twittergabe3twittergabe2twittergabeCanucks/Coyotes Post Game Quotes (I Wish Were Real)http://blogs.theprovince.com/2012/02/29/canuckscoyotes-post-game-quotes-i-wish-were-real-2/
http://blogs.theprovince.com/2012/02/29/canuckscoyotes-post-game-quotes-i-wish-were-real-2/#commentsThu, 01 Mar 2012 00:17:50 +0000http://blogs.theprovince.com/?p=63311The main issue I have with post game coverage is the general lack of personality conveyed by the majority of the league. The NHL has some of the classiest athletes and coaches in all of professional sports, but sometimes you …]]>The main issue I have with post game coverage is the general lack of personality conveyed by the majority of the league. The NHL has some of the classiest athletes and coaches in all of professional sports, but sometimes you just want to hear someone go off.

No canned responses about “working hard”, “winning the battles” and “taking things one game at a time” (Canucks, it’s okay to admit you’ve got Red Wings on the brain. We all do.). I would love it if there was a bit more colour in those interviews and players said what they were really thinking.

Stuff like this:

PHOENIX COYOTES

Head Coach Dave Tippett – “Well, you know, we had a great February. I just bought a house here and the market is terrible, the way I see it there is no way the league relocates the Stanley Cup champions, so winning is my only option”.

Shane Doan – “We’ve got great fans here in Phoenix… when the Canucks are here. Really hot crowd tonight. I love that they chose to ironically wear Canucks jerseys”.

Mike Smith – “Well, I knew it was coming. That Raymond guy always goes back to the spin move after not scoring 10 times in shootouts. We have an excellent research team here in Phoenix”.

Ray Whitney – “I refuse to score goals unless they are big ones. You might not know this, but I sit out most 1st and 2nd periods. If we are down by a lot, I just go home”.

Paul Bisonnette – “I told you guys I don’t do this anymore. If you want my comments, check my twitter”.

VANCOUVER CANUCKS

Head Coach Alain Vigneault – “I’m just trying to adjust and find someone else whose ice time I can mess with. I kinda miss Cody already. Picking on Booth just isn’t the same. He’s too positive”.

David Booth – “It’s totally okay, I don’t mind. Sure I got bumped from the second line in favor of the new guy, but that doesn’t mean I’m not a wonderful person with a lot to offer this team. Just to show there aren’t any hard feelings, I’m gonna ask him to watch “The Lion King” with me”.

Zack Kassian – “That Booth guy creeps me out”.

Henrik Sedin – “I couldn’t be happier to have Pahlsson on the team. He owes me $5 from like 14 years ago. No excuses now”.

Sami Pahlsson – “Oh, uhh… yeah. Umm, tell Henrik I left it in my car, and I will be right back” (quickly packs bag, runs out of arena).

Roberto Luongo – “Maybe we should just put me in for the shootouts. SOUND FAMILIAR?”

Cory Schneider – “I was bailing the team out all night. This is exactly how I imagined my first game after the deadline going, only I was wearing a Tampa Bay jersey”.

Mason Raymond – “I needed to come out and have a big game tonight, and I fell flat on my face. Wait– why are you all laughing?”

Chris Tanev – “I just want to apologize to my teammates for flying into an uncontrollable rage tonight and getting that tripping penalty. I’m like the Hulk, only instead of smashing, I trip dudes. I also smile.”

(It always bugged me that his skates grew too...)

You can follow j.Bowman on twitter (@jBowmancouver). 4 out of 5 dentists agree: they have no opinion on Bowman tweets. The fifth guy hates him.

]]>http://blogs.theprovince.com/2012/02/29/canuckscoyotes-post-game-quotes-i-wish-were-real-2/feed/0ZackKassianjbowman85Phoenix_CoyotesCanucks logoChris Tanev HulkDon Cherry Confused Me on February 4thhttp://blogs.theprovince.com/2012/02/06/don-cherry-confused-me-on-february-4th/
http://blogs.theprovince.com/2012/02/06/don-cherry-confused-me-on-february-4th/#commentsMon, 06 Feb 2012 14:30:38 +0000http://blogs.theprovince.com/?p=58563Every week, the crack team at the Legion of Blog transcribes all the outlandish things that Don Cherry says on Saturday night and responds to them for our faithful blog readers. This week, Grapes discusses (surprise!) Sam Gagner, (surprise!) no-touch …]]>Every week, the crack team at the Legion of Blog transcribes all the outlandish things that Don Cherry says on Saturday night and responds to them for our faithful blog readers. This week, Grapes discusses (surprise!) Sam Gagner, (surprise!) no-touch icing and has the weirdest theory ever about concussions. I call this week’s episode HE HAD A GOOD GO ALRIGHT LET’S GO!

The other clue was the fact it’s been about +10˚ where I live in the days leading up to Groundhog Day. The snow had all melted in early February so, yes, I would say it’s an early spring.

“Now, I wanna show you Phaneuf when I had him in Kitchener at the prospect game.”

The Prospects Game was this week. Team Orr, coached by Pat Quinn, beat out Team Cherry, coached by Mark Recchi. It was a pretty good game and Cherry, historically tied to the event, wasn’t able to make the trip out to Kelowna.

So to make up for in, let’s run the clip of a guy who is playing in the early game from his days at the Top Prospects Game.

“Watch this here, he lays a hit out you can’t believe! Right after that, he gets in a fight, it’s a beauty that, and right after that we score the winning goal.”

The clip they used for Dion’s fight? He was up against Paul Bissonnette, who also became a successful NHLer because he once fought at a prospects game, I guess.

“Anyhow, he had a good go, alright, let’s go!”

A good go!

“Now Sam Gagner played also…”

Did he now?

Anyway, this was a funny exchange between Cherry and sidekick Ron MacLean:

Five and three, four and four, three and three, we are just being confused by numbers thrown against the screen. In fairness to Cherry, the numbers that appear in the box score of the newspapers every day are really small and tough to tell apart.

“Let me tell the story! I know how many goals and assists Sam Gagner got!”

“You give him the three stars and Rocket got three stars too. I remember listening to the game when I was a kid…”

We direct the focus away from Sam Gagner and back onto Cherry listening to the time Maurice Richard scored all five goals in a playoff game against Cherry’s Toronto Maple Leafs (“I’ve cheered for them ever since I was a little boy”) and was awarded all three stars.

“…but the funny thing about it, the only powerplay goal, there was one powerplay goal, and he got the assist on that. All were even, which is pretty good.”

I don’t think Cherry understands what the word “all” means. Of Edmonton’s 8 goals against Chicago, 7 were at even strength, which presumably Cherry thinks is “all”.

“Jon Tavares, now both of them played for the Marlies, I watched them when they were kids…”

He knew that both Tavares and Gagner were going to be good. And in the case of Jon Tavares, he was actually right.

“…now this is Jon Tavares, Player of the Month. And this guy is really smoking now.”

Pall-malls?

“Ironic that in the same month that uhh, Jon gets Player of the Month and uhh, Sam gets uhh, all the points. Isn’t that funny?”

The Vegas odds on Sam Gagner getting an eight point night were actually greater than the Vegas odds on Don Cherry using “irony” correctly in a sentence. As usual, Vegas was right.

“Speaking of magic hands…”

If he talks about former Markham Waxer Criss Angel I’m going to be soooo mad.

“…one of the guys that I’ve just loved since he played for Toronto, he couldn’t play for Toronto, watch this here, Kyle Wellwood, watch these magic hands, hold it and up like that. This guy is something, that’s the OT goal, good play here, nice little pass over like that…”

Oh, yes. Kyle Wellwood. Cherry has been a longtime fan of Wellwood, a remarkably serviceable, if underwhelming, two-way centreman. Cherry in the past lauded Wellwood for a 38.5% shooting rate as the top in the National Hockey League. After five goals in his first 11 games, Wellwood has undergone something called a “regression to the mean” and he has only five goals since then, with his shooting percentage now at 14.7%.

But, no, sick hands, Kyle.

“I remember when he was in Vancouver they were writing awful things about him…”

“It’s a long pass, you know, they say ‘stretch’ like ‘net presence’ and all that stuff…”

Being able to send a long breakout pass is a similar talent to getting shots on goal close to the net, yes.

“Just get the puck and fire it up! Is that supposed to be ‘talent’?”

Wait, is Cherry running clips of long passes and complaining that this isn’t part of hockey?

Yes, apparently.

“We are supposed to be impressed with this?”

A 100-foot pass to a streaking forward moving in against a defender? No. That same defender chucking knuckles with Paul Bissonnette in a junior hockey exhibition game? Yes.

Priorities.

“You gotta put the red line back in, it’ll be perfect!”

Once we put the red-line back in, we can outlaw the forward pass as well, which was just a gimmick that the progressives at the NHL office instituted in 1928.

“Don’t let me get carried away here…”

Cherry first said this back in 1980 when he first came aboard Hockey Night in Canada.

The station failed him miserably.

“When I was a kid, I was playing junior hockey, and I just started, and you have to go in first, because if you don’t, the other chicken…, uh, won’t go in first, so you have to go in first.”

It’s the monthly “no-touch icing” rant. Cherry firmly believes that he is the only person in the world who cares about touch-icing. He certainly wouldn’t be the first to say “chicken s***” on live TV, so he could have gone for broke in that instance. All in all, a disappointing performance.

For the record, touch-icing is a stupid rule that has almost zero benefit. Last week, we saw two players in Canucks games get penalized for similar infractions, where they were attempting to make plays on the puck at high speed and inadvertently took out the defender’s leg.

“I was going back and I wasn’t ready, I never thought the guy, and he pushed me as I went in. I can still see those white boards coming at my head. I would have had a broken neck and I just got my hands up.”

“And in that moment, I had an epiphany. Perhaps I could work my way up through the hockey world, as a journeyman player-turned-coach and develop enough influence that I will be given a national segment on a weekly hockey broadcast. I would use that segment as a soap box to promote my attempts to change this dumb rule, because I was hurtling through the air right at the boards and…”

*CRASH*

“Oh, man that hurt. Somebody should put some soft padding around these edges.”

“There’s more concussions, there’s more guys retired, from touch icing, than there is from concussions!”

This is more absurd than anything.

“I’m not gonna get carried away, but watch this one!”

*BOOM!*

*CRASH!*

Earlier in the episode, he had shown Justin Abdelkader of the Detroit Red Wings taking two pucks to the leg and limping off the ice. Cherry was laughing about it (“Ahahaha! The puck! His knee! It works on so many levels!“). Struck with a puck, funny, but fall awkwardly into the boards, we have a national conspiracy in play:

“And you people, you reporters, you media types…”

This is like FOX News who used to on one hand criticize the mainstream media, and on the other hand, praise themselves for being #1 in cable news.

Cherry, you get millions of viewers every week on a public broadcaster. YOU ARE HOCKEY MEDIA.

“…you’re not defensemen going back to get the puck, or you try to get it out too. Let’s go!”

No, I’m not.

“I was out last night watching the kids play the minor midget.”

“I SAW THE NEXT SAM GAGNER!”

“They go this way and ‘ho ho’ they’re good, and then they sort of meander back a little bit hoping to get the puck back again. The scouts are up there! They put a little mark there, you’re supposed to put your head down when you come back.”

Don’t hold back, Don! Name some names!

“They mark you ‘one-way hockey player'”

Uh-oh! You don’t want to be cast as a one-way hockey player when you’re 14 years old! It’s a label you carry with you for the rest of your life!

“If Steven [Stamkos] can do it, you can do it too!”

Well, we know that isn’t true.

*thumbs up*

]]>http://blogs.theprovince.com/2012/02/06/don-cherry-confused-me-on-february-4th/feed/0grapesfeb4camcharronTweet it five hole – Super Bowl Editionhttp://blogs.theprovince.com/2012/02/06/tweet-it-five-hole-super-bowl-edition/
http://blogs.theprovince.com/2012/02/06/tweet-it-five-hole-super-bowl-edition/#commentsMon, 06 Feb 2012 08:35:07 +0000http://blogs.theprovince.com/?p=58513(Pictured above are the New England Patriots watching Mario Manningham crush their hopes and dreams. Not pictured is Wes Welker dropping the Patriots hopes and dreams, and Peyton Manning watching his brother steal his hopes and dreams.)

Get ready for …

]]>(Pictured above are the New England Patriots watching Mario Manningham crush their hopes and dreams. Not pictured is Wes Welker dropping the Patriots hopes and dreams, and Peyton Manning watching his brother steal his hopes and dreams.)

Get ready for another week of NHL tweets! Except in this case, it is one evenings worth of tweets, since it is a Super Bowl special edition. It was an exciting finish so I am sure there will be a lot of NHL player tweets about the game, so buckle up, grab your popcorn, and get ready for some of the NHL’s thoughts on Super Bowl 46!

OK, I know there will be “that guy” out there who will respond with “it’s actually not that bad…” but this might be the most disgusting Super Bowl drink I have seen this year. I am assuming vomit flavoured Coors was sold out.

Ah, Kyle Turris, doing the pre-game ritual of pissing off the Football Gods. I assume he also played NHL 12 to sign himself to a $6 million a year deal before this season started as well?

Also, Kyle, speaking from personal experience, don’t play a game right after a big loss. It won’t change anything. “But I JUST beat the Bruins in NHL 12, can’t we have the cup now???”

Ah, Ryan Whitney. He has the comedic timing of an old Jay Leno. I heard his next jokes will be about Hurricane Katrina, and about the Blitzkrieg Germany plans to use against France. “If France wins this game, does Germany take them over again?”

The correct answer is: “Thank god this game isn’t on my shoulders.” or “Hey, when did slurpees get so expensive??”

Blake Geoffrion just lost himself a date with Madonna. And by date I mean Madonna attempting to harvest his blood to keep herself young.

If your Super Bowl party was anything like mine, this was the number one comment of half time. There were a lot of “Whaaaaaat?” and pained faces from the guys watching the tightrope guy. I am sure tightrope guy has a name, but to me, he will forever be known as tightrope guy. Dr. Tightrope guy (He had to have gone to school for a long time to learn this routine.)

Maybe it’s just me, but if it was my teams most injury prone player, I would never want to hear stories of him carrying around Madonna on his back. “Doctor, the claw marks go deep, very deep. He’ll be out for weeks.”

At first I thought Roy meant LMFAO killed Madonna, but Wikipedia assures me she is still alive. (I have no idea why I am picking on Madonna so much. Just go with it.)

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Brian McGrattan, a man of few words, and how he dealt with the Patriots losing the Super Bowl. Admits defeat, shoots some people online, and goes to sleep. A man after my own heart.

Ryan does the ol’ “Throw person under the bus then hide behind the cliche” trick I’ve heard so much about….wily veteran.

Remember Eli, you will need to return the favour when Brandon scores a hat trick to win the Spengler Cup. (I kid, Dubi is a great player. I just hate all Rangers. I’m a bitter 1994 Vancouver fan, what can I say.)

Eric Tangradi is either not a fan of the Giants, or he just tasted Steve Ott’s drink. I’m honestly not sure which.

Sadly Mike Commodore did not show off a picture of him showering himself in football pool winnings like last time. I miss those days….

Obviously tongue in cheek, but the Vancouver fan in me wants to hit Steve with a baseball bat.

The Stanley Cup is the best trophy in all of sports. Every other athlete wishes they could raise the Stanley Cup above their head instead of awkwardly holding non cup based trophies. Also, I still find it horrifying that other sports hand the trophy to the owner of the team instead of the players first.

Taylor Hall asks a great question. Sadly I’m pretty sure half of the Lions signed with the NFL already in their off-season.

I wonder if he bets against himself getting called up to the NHL, and if so, does that indeed keep him happy. “Well I didn’t get called up today, but I did win that $20 bet that I wouldn’t be called up……” *starts to cry*

Thank you to Luca Caputti for proving that athletes will openly mock and point out mistakes a player makes just like us fans do. I knew it!

Welcome to Montreal, Rene! First lesson: Don’t trust Brian Gionta. Second lesson: blame any of your failings on the fact your head coach doesn’t speak French.

The important thing is that Giants fans aren’t getting cocky, that’s what is nice about their Super Bowl win.

Full credit to Tyler Bozak for trying to make us realize that Tom Brady has more than most men will ever have, but as any person who has played competitive sports knows, Tom Brady is going to be staring at the wall tonight, telling Gisele to get out of the room, so he can beat the **** out of the couch pillows in peace.

]]>http://blogs.theprovince.com/2012/02/06/tweet-it-five-hole-super-bowl-edition/feed/0tweetitfiveholekidr0llSuper Bowl Footballnhltweets25nhltweets24nhltweets23nhltweets22nhltweets21nhltweets29nhltweets19nhltweets18nhltweets17mcgrattanmcgrattan2mcgrattan3nhltweets15nhltweets14nhltweets13nhltweets12commienhltweets11nhltweets10nhltweets9nhltweet7nhltweet6nhltweet4nhltweet3nhltweet2Tweet it five hole – All-Star Editionhttp://blogs.theprovince.com/2012/01/30/tweet-it-five-hole-all-star-edition/
http://blogs.theprovince.com/2012/01/30/tweet-it-five-hole-all-star-edition/#commentsMon, 30 Jan 2012 21:39:36 +0000http://blogs.theprovince.com/?p=57031Funnily enough I was swearing off All-Star articles this morning, yet here I am on number two….BUT I am not breaking down the All-Star games, I am merely using the scraps of the All-Star game for my amusement. And today’s …]]>Funnily enough I was swearing off All-Star articles this morning, yet here I am on number two….BUT I am not breaking down the All-Star games, I am merely using the scraps of the All-Star game for my amusement. And today’s amusement is a new weekly article I will be doing called “Tweet it five hole”. It’s a format I gleefully stole from Bloody Elbow, an MMA web site that would take funny tweets MMA fighters did the week before and display them for the readers amusement. So while it is not an original idea, it is a fun idea, especially when applied to hockey, where sometimes finding personality through regular interviews can be like getting blood from a rock. So that being said, I hope you enjoy the newest segment to the blog, “Tweet it five hole”.

Also, I promise to try to not use Paul Bissonnette’s tweets more than once a week.

Also, I don’t have an image created for this weekly segment, so I randomly chose a bloody fight as the lead in picture for this segment. Deal with it.

If there is one tradition in sports that will never go away, it’s making fun of the young guys on the team.

Justin Faulk of the Hurricanes apparently lost his car over the weekend. He should go to Kevin Weekes for advice on what it’s like to lose your car. (You’d have to be a hardcore Canucks fan to get that one.)

Dustin Brown: A fan of diving. Not a fan of driving. Small distinction.

Steve Kampfer from the Bruins, or as Canucks fans know him, “A Bruins guy who didn’t try and maim and murder a Sedin last year….only because he didn’t play.” points out an awesome new look. The tucked in hoodie. Nothing says “I want to be warm and comfortable with no chance of unwanted drafts” quite like the ‘tuckoodie’.

We finally have an answer to the question “Do NHL players find Pierre McGuire as insane as we fans do?”. The answer is yes. Yes they do.

If you watched the game or paid attention to twitter, there were several player jokes about not being sober and being hung over. So basically everyone was in Mark Messier mode for this event. Or Harold Druken mode if you want a local reference.

Zdeno Chara’s rocket of a shot was the talk of the twitter world. I’ll one up Eberle and state that Zdeno Chara’s shot is probably harder than any velocity I could produce on earth. Ever.

As a goalie myself, I can fully agree with Lundqvist on this one. I have nightmares of Chara not only beating Vancouver for the cup, but of hunting me down and slapping the puck at me for daring to boo him.

If Sami Salo tried to block a Chara slapshot I’m pretty sure it would teleport him through time. In tiny little pieces.

You thought bloggers were the only ones who make snide remarks about petty things? Apparently Tim Brent is a blogger at heart. He takes a fan to task for having a sign that lacks originality. Good thing he didn’t see the sign that said “sign”.

Calling a shot a muffin makes me giggle every. single. time. Love it.

Datsyuk was picked first for a reason. Players all seemed in awe of his sick dangles. Also, juicy mitts sounds kind of horrifying. But I like it.

I’m pretty sure Pavel Datsyuk is going to have his own Dos Equis product soon. “I don’t dangle often. But when I do, I dangle Datsyuks.”

Woah woah woah there Grabner…..there can only be one Mr. Serious. I guess we need to stick Toews and Tavares in a cage one day and watch them….do something serious together? They can watch CNN all day and then maybe play some intense chess. First one to crack a smile, loses.