Posts Tagged ‘Reality’

Just a head’s-up — the new season of America’s Next Top Model starts tonight on the CW (8pm, I think). Though I can’t put into words just why, I simply cannot get enough of this show. I think it’s because, for me, it’s kind of like watching a show about a group of Martians brought together to live in a lavish apartment on Earth. I don’t understand those girls, I can’t relate to them at all in ANY way, and thus they are, to me, just about as alien as Alf. And almost as amusing. Now, if only they ate cats and were as adept at sarcastic banter!

I bet I just lost everybody under the age of 30. Ah, Alf. The good ol’ days of my youth. . .

This Friday looks to be an EXCELLENT night for television, my friends. First, the return of one of my all-time favorite reality shows, Meerkat Manor, which begins its new season Friday night at 8:30pm on Animal Planet. Looks like the season will focus on the same family as before, the Whiskers, led by bossy matriarch Flower and her charmingly macho husband Zaphod. Alas, as many of you know, ex-Boyfriend Shakespeare did not survive Season One, so we won’t have his brave li’l self to root for anymore. Shakespeare, you were an inspiration to meerkats and mongeese (mongooses?) everywhere. You will be missed, my friend. And remembered.

On a cheerier note, also returning Friday is Les Stroud’s awesome series Survivorman. If you’ve been reading the comments on my post from last week about Bear Grylls, you know that I’ve forgiven Bear now for the error of his ways (he’s promised to be a lot more honest when the next season of Man vs. Wild rolls around). Nevertheless, Les still rocks my survival world, so if you haven’t had a chance to see him in action, tune in Friday night at 9pm on Discovery Channel. Maybe we’ll get lucky and he’ll play his harmonica! Man, I love it when Les plays his harmonica!

Capping the night off is a promising new series on Sci-Fi (9-10:30pm), Flash Gordon, which will be about. . . um. . . Flash Gordon. I assume, anyway. I don’t know the actor who’s been cast in the title role (Eric Johnson), but he sure is cute (see his IMDb page here). Early reviews of the series have been fairly promising, so we’ll see. My DVR is groaning from the weight of all the shows this summer I still haven’t had time to watch (Kill Point and The Company being two notables), so we’ll hope Flash doesn’t push it right over the edge.

I used to complain about how there was never anything on television in the summers — now I confess I kind of miss having the break! (Not that I couldn’t just NOT WATCH TV and take a break that way, I suppose, but somehow, that just doesn’t seem right.)

Nevertheless, I can’t wait for the Fall Season to start up, and trust me, I’ll be outlining all the shows I’m excited about for you guys here come September, so stay tuned!

As if you needed any more Les Stroud Lovefest inspiration, here are three reasons why I have been experiencing a major upswing in my affections for him this week. MAJOR upswing. In fact, my adoration for Les Stroud right now is so intense it feels like, at any moment, actual FLAMES might shoot out of my chest.

Or else, maybe that’s the spicy Thai food I just had for dinner. . . Actually, yeah, that might be a little more likely than adoration so intense it *poofs* into spontaneous combustion, right? But hey, they don’t call it HEARTburn for nothing, people.

Reasons I Love Les Stroud, Part Two (for part one, read the old write-up)

1. He’s the host of Shark Week this week on the Discovery Channel! How cool is that? Man, I LOVE Shark Week! While I’m on the subject, though, I confess to major disappointment regarding the much-hyped USS Indianapolis special that aired Sunday night (“Ocean of Fear”). I had been telling people to tune in for weeks because I was expecting it to be the mother of all episodes of I Shouldn’t Be Alive. How they managed to take an incredible story like that one and turn it into two hours of tedium so dry that both me AND my mother nodded off DURING A SHARK ATTACK SCENE, I have no idea. But they did. Gah. If you missed it and want to see just how amazingly they botched it up, “Ocean of Fear” reruns this coming Saturday (check your local TV guide for times).

2. His show, Survivorman, returns August 10th at 9pm on Discovery. YES!

3. According to The Times of London, Bear Grylls is a fake (note: this article refers to Bear’s show BornSurvivor, which I gather is just the name Man vs. Wild takes when airing in England)! Here’s the scoop: You know how, at the beginning of every episode of Man vs. Wild, Bear has himself dropped into the middle of nowhere, telling us his plan is to spend the next several days making his way back to civilization with nothing but the clothes and minimal equipment on his back? Well, guess what! After he roasts that snake over his flint-sparked fire, he sometimes turns the cameras off and hightails it to the nearest Motel 6 (or its local equivalent, I suppose). There, he soaks in the hot tub, checks his email, raids the mini-bar, snoozes off to the soothing background sounds of free HBO, and, I suppose, snickers at his cleverness in managing to dupe his entire audience into thinking he’s actually spending the night in a hammock made out of dirty water reeds and buggy leaves, strung up between two soggy trees in a man-eating-reptile-infested swamp.

You know who would never do that? Les Stroud. And that’s why I love him sooooo much this week. The End.

Best news from last week: Man vs. Wild is back and all-new! This season’s pilot featured ex-Boyfriend Bear Grylls dropping into the middle of the Florida Everglades, causing me to add THAT location to my list of vacation spots to avoid. Watching Bear suffer as he attempted to trek to high ground via the swamp and some razor-sharp grass, we learned the following things:

Do not taunt the crocodiles.

Tie your shoelaces together to scale slippery trees.

Filter muddy water through your shirt before drinking.

Diving into quicksand makes you really, really dirty.

You don’t have to kill the frogs before you eat them, nor do you have to deshell the tortoise before baking.

Getting sand in your underwear is, and I quote, “not ideal.”

Bear Grylls has a nice ass. It even looks good covered in mosquito bites (thanks for the view, Bear!).

Great episode! Welcome back, Mr. Grylls!

In other Boyfriend-related news, Treat Williams reenters our lives tonight on TNT in the new series Heartland, which premieres after the always-terrific series The Closer. Apparently, he plays a cranky heart surgeon — doesn’t sound terribly original (Hi, Dr. House!), but it might still be fun. I do confess I liked it better when Treat was making lots of bad sci-fi and monster movies (long live Deep Rising and Gale Force!), but I’ll take what I can get.