Kim Kardashian tweeted this picture today on Instagram with the following caption:

“Sweatpants hair tie chillin with no make up on”

As we all know, “Sweatpants hair tie chillin with no make up on” in girl talk means “oh god I’ve taken like twenty pictures so far because I want to look natural and not look like i’m begging for attention but i want you to tell me i’m pretty even when i’m in sweatpants and a hair tie and no makeup on even though I wearing lip gloss and extensions and possibly fake eyelashes but don’t worry about that because i’m in a sexy pose and i want you to tell me i’m pretty please tell me i’m pretty i’ve had a fat day so i need compliments please tell me i’m pretty.” Hope that clears that up for everyone. Have a blessed day!

Translation source = Rosetta Stone: Attention Whore

Note: If you really want to see Kim Kardashian without makeup, click here. If you’ve just eaten, I’d probably wait 30 minutes or so.

Kim Kardashian tweeted this picture today on Instagram with the following caption: “Sweatpants hair tie chillin with no make up on” As we all know, “Sweatpants hair tie chillin with…

Since she was cracked out of her damn skull in her last interview with Matt Lauer, Lindsay Lohan will be back on Today again tomorrow morning to face tough, hard-hitting questions haha I meant a complete fluff piece to promote her SNL appearance that should have ended with Matt Lauer and Lindsay making s’mores. Today reports:

If she was in denial in her last interview with Matt Lauer:“Definitely. And I think it was — it’s a scary thing to have to kind of express to people … I wasn’t as comfortable with myself then. I think it was a fear factor that I had about what was really going on. And, you know, I had to get that wakeup call.”

On nightlife and parties:“That’s not my thing anymore. I went out, actually, a few months ago with a friend. And I was so uncomfortable. Not because I felt tempted, just because it was just the same thing that it always was before. And it just wasn’t fun for me. I’ve become more of a homebody. And I like that.”

On whether people trust her to work with her:“I think that that’s gonna take — I think that takes time,” Lohan said. “And I think that it’s actions. Because people can say things all they want, but I think I still need to go through the process of proving myself, you know, with ‘SNL,’ being on time, being, you know, keeping my — can’t say the word — but stuff together.”

On playing Elizabeth Taylor: “We’re in the middle of casting and figuring — we start production soon,” Lohan said. “I’ve been doing tons of research. But I’ve always kind of researched her. She’s always been a fascinating woman to me. So I’m really honored. And I will not let anyone down, especially myself.”

People shouldn’t be scared of drug-addicted maniac klepto:“I don’t want people to have that reason to be scared anymore. So being able to have this opportunity with ‘SNL’ and the film, I’m gonna do what I’m supposed to do, and enjoy doing it, and do it as best as I can.”

So exactly how long has Lindsay been saying the same exact thing now? Four years? Five? She’s learned her lesson, she wants to get back to work, she wants to change people’s perception, blah blah blah. Can’t she just go get high and take a nice bath at the Beverly Hills Hotel and get it over with already? I don’t feel like that’s asking too much.

Since she was cracked out of her damn skull in her last interview with Matt Lauer, Lindsay Lohan will be back on Today again tomorrow morning to face tough, hard-hitting…

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi
out and about in Jersey City for the first day of filming for their 'Jersey Shore' spin-off, 'Snooki and JWoww Vs. The World'
Jersey City, USA - 27.02.12
Mandatory Credit: C.Smith/ WENN.com

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi and Jenni 'JWoww' Farley
out and about in Jersey City for the first day of filming for their 'Jersey Shore' spin-off, 'Snooki and JWoww Vs. The World'
Jersey City, USA - 27.02.12
Mandatory Credit: C.Smith/ WENN.com

Because a fetus should be a way for you to diversify your income, Snooki denied being pregnant while secretly negotiating a deal with Us Weekly to sell the rights to her….wait for it…pregnancy. So I guess when you see the magazine cover, try to act surprised. New York Post reports:

The universe’s collective IQ should prepare to drop a few points. Though she has publicly denied she’s expecting, sources say trashy “Jersey Shore” guidette Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi is indeed pregnant and has plans to bankroll her mommy-to-be status into becoming “the next Kourtney Kardashian.” We’re told Polizzi, 24, is carrying her first child by boyfriend Jionni LaValle, and is roughly three months along. Sources said the reality star, who denied being preggers earlier this month, has already brokered a deal to announce the news on the cover of Us Weekly after she shopped the story to several celebrity magazines.

Wow, a drunk slut who bangs randoms got pregnant? Tell us more about this rare phenomena Us Weekly! Whatever. Hopefully when people see this cover it will remove the stigma from kicking women down a flight of stairs when they’re pregnant. Or maybe Obama will issue an executive order allowing the American people the right to perform a citizen’s abortion in cases like this. Oh, please. It’s not like this kid is going to develop a hybrid clean coal combustion system or split the atom for his 3rd grade science fair. He’s gonna be in an Affliction onesie with melanoma before he’s six months because his idiot mother wanted to give him a base. And if he lives to 10 his Make-A-Wish will be to carjack somebody.

Because a fetus should be a way for you to diversify your income, Snooki denied being pregnant while secretly negotiating a deal with Us Weekly to sell the rights to…

Jennifer Garner has been pregnant since 2005 and is obviously a fan of Michelle Duggar, so it makes sense that she gave birth to her third child with Ben Affleck yesterday. If my math is correct, they are working on the fourth as I type this. Radar Online reports:

Jennifer Garner gave birth to her third child and it’s a boy! The little boy joins older sisters Violet, 6, and Seraphina, 3, in the happy family along with proud papa Ben Affleck. RadarOnline.com previously reported that the couple was having a boy, but when Jennifer announced the pregnancy in August 2011 she kept the sex of the baby secret, telling Ellen Degeneres that it would be “weird” to have a boy but also “cool and different.”

I don’t know who I need to call, but didn’t Jennifer Garner get pregnant eight months after Jessica Simpson? And Jessica Simpson is still pregnant. That can’t be normal. I mean, it can’t right? Is there some kind of government hotline I can call? What does she have in there? Is it…what could…how has she been pregnant for so long?! People, wake up! Look around you! What’s going on?! OH GOD WHAT IS IT???!!!

Jennifer Garner has been pregnant since 2005 and is obviously a fan of Michelle Duggar, so it makes sense that she gave birth to her third child with Ben Affleck…

Since the Los Angeles County justice system is unequivocally broken, instead of watching SNL from jail or Shutter Island, Lindsay Lohan will host the show this weekend where she and the writers plan to make light of the vile, disgusting shit she’s done for the last six years. TMZ reports:

As TMZ first reported, Lindsay has been dying to do “SNL” as a way to re-establish her career and reached out to Lorne Michaels personally to make it happen. According to our sources, Lindsay plans on using all the unpleasantness from the last few years as fodder for the show. We’re told Lindsay has already told “SNL” that she is game for anything and nothing is off limits. Our sources say Lindsay wants to show that she is “in on the joke” — so expect to see references to any number of DUIs, alleged necklace thievery, jail stints, mug shots … and on and on.

Awesome. Because if a narcissistic, out of control drug addict and raging alcoholic with no moral compass and even less perspective who steals anything she can get her hands on needs, its to be met with congratulatory applause and pats on the back for being able to laugh off her horrific life choices as she starts the final lap of her downward spiral. Really, what could possibly go wrong?

Since the Los Angeles County justice system is unequivocally broken, instead of watching SNL from jail or Shutter Island, Lindsay Lohan will host the show this weekend where she and…

* PORTMAN AND MILLEPIED MARRIED?
Actress NATALIE PORTMAN has sparked rumours she has secretly wed ballet choreographer BENJAMIN MILLEPIED after they were both spotted wearing bands on their ring fingers at Sunday's (26Feb12) Academy Awards.
The Black Swan beauty was newly-engaged and pregnant when she celebrated her Best Actress Oscar win at last year's (11) ceremony, and now, a year on, it appears the famously-private couple is man and wife.
Portman wore a new piece of jewellery beneath her diamond engagement ring as she presented the Best Actor prize to The Artist's Jean Dujardin, while Frenchman Millepied displayed a simple silver band on his left hand as they attended the official Oscars afterparty.
A representative for Portman had yet to respond to requests for a comment as WENN went to press.
The actress gave birth to the couple's son, Alef, in June (11). (MT/WNWCUW/KL)
USA - 27.02.12
Natalie Portman
84th Annual Academy Awards (Oscars) held at the Kodak Theatre - Arrivals
Los Angeles, California - 26.02.12
Mandatory Credit: Adriana M. Barraza/ WENN.com

Natalie Portman
84th Annual Academy Awards (Oscars) held at the Kodak Theatre - Arrivals
Los Angeles, California - 26.02.12
**Not available for publication in Germany. Available for publication in the rest of the world**
Mandatory Credit: Ian Wilson/WENN.com

Natalie Portman and her fiance since December 2010, prancing ballerina Benjamin Millepied, showed up to the Oscars on Sunday both wearing rings. So this means they were secretly married under the cover of deception and night or something. People reports:

Did Natalie Portman slyly reveal big news before more than 1 billion TV viewers? On Sunday night’s 84th Academy Awards, the actress appeared to be wearing a wedding ring set as she clutched an envelope onstage. And her French fiancé, Black Swan choreographer Benjamin Millepied, was photographed with a band on his wedding finger. Was there a secret wedding? That remains a mystery for now, as the Oscar winner’s rep hasn’t commented.

What?! You mean to tell me a famous actress got married without issuing a press release? She didn’t even tell People?! She decided to live her life in quiet dignity realizing it’s nobody’s fucking business?! How are tabloids supposed to sell magazines?! Kris Jenner is probably walking along the beach and tossing sticks in the ocean right now. “I…I just…I just don’t understand. Help me understand,” she was quoted as saying to the heavens.

Because she has mental powers of perception that exceed our ability to comprehend because of her strict macrobiotic diet, Gwyneth Paltrow predicts Jay-Z and Beyonce‘s surgically implanted baby will grow up to be a superstar. You know, because she has innate talent, not rich, influential parents who will make it happen. Hollywood Life reports:

Like mother, like daughter! Gwyneth Paltrow, 39, tells HollywoodLife.com EXCLUSIVELY that Beyonce, 30, and 42-year-old Jay-Z‘s little daughter Blue Ivy is a star in the making! “For sure, she is going to be an entertainer,” Gwyneth tells HollywoodLife.com at the Governor’s Ball on Feb. 26. “She just has this glow around her like her mother.” And the actress says the first-time parents are doing a great job at raising Blue. “Beyonce is doing great,” Gwyneth reveals. “She’s just a natural at being a mom. And Blue Ivy is stunning, she has the most beautiful eyes.”

If anybody can recognize star potential in a child, it’s Gwyneth Paltrow. When she was 12, she beat out thousands of other child actors for the coveted role of Wendy Darling in Steven Spielberg’s Hook through her sheer talent and glow. No wait, I meant Blythe Danner and Bruce Paltrow were best friends with Steven Spielberg and Spielberg was Gwyneth’s godfather so she just walked the fuck in and got the part and has been acting using her family’s connections ever since. So yeah, I can see how Gwyneth could make this assumption.

Because she has mental powers of perception that exceed our ability to comprehend because of her strict macrobiotic diet, Gwyneth Paltrow predicts Jay-Z and Beyonce‘s surgically implanted baby will grow…

Model Miranda Kerr and her son Flynn Bloom catching a flight to Los Angeles in Sydney, Australia on February 28, 2012 RESTRICTIONS APPLY: USA ONLY

Model Miranda Kerr and her son Flynn Bloom catching a flight to Los Angeles in Sydney, Australia on February 28, 2012 RESTRICTIONS APPLY: USA ONLY

Model Miranda Kerr and her son Flynn Bloom catching a flight to Los Angeles in Sydney, Australia on February 28, 2012 RESTRICTIONS APPLY: USA ONLY

Model Miranda Kerr and her son Flynn Bloom catching a flight to Los Angeles in Sydney, Australia on February 28, 2012 RESTRICTIONS APPLY: USA ONLY

Model Miranda Kerr and her son Flynn Bloom catching a flight to Los Angeles in Sydney, Australia on February 28, 2012 RESTRICTIONS APPLY: USA ONLY

Model Miranda Kerr and her son Flynn Bloom catching a flight to Los Angeles in Sydney, Australia on February 28, 2012 RESTRICTIONS APPLY: USA ONLY

Model Miranda Kerr and her son Flynn Bloom catching a flight to Los Angeles in Sydney, Australia on February 28, 2012 RESTRICTIONS APPLY: USA ONLY

Here’s the insanely hot Miranda Kerr and her kid at LAX yesterday, and I was fully prepared to manifest my bitter jealously into a petty post making fun of this kid, but then I realized only one of has had Miranda Kerr’s tits in their mouths. You may have won the battle this time, Flynn, but we will see each other again. Oh yes, this is far from over you adorable motherfucker. You hear me, Flynn?! FAR FROM OVER!

Here’s the insanely hot Miranda Kerr and her kid at LAX yesterday, and I was fully prepared to manifest my bitter jealously into a petty post making fun of this…

Former "Real Housewives of New York" star Bethenny Frankel shows off her skinny bikini body on February 27, 2012 in Miami, FL. Bethenny first laid out by the pool, but soon decided she'd rather spend her Miami vacation laying out on the beach.

Former "Real Housewives of New York" star Bethenny Frankel shows off her skinny bikini body on February 27, 2012 in Miami, FL. Bethenny first laid out by the pool, but soon decided she'd rather spend her Miami vacation laying out on the beach.

Former "Real Housewives of New York" star Bethenny Frankel shows off her skinny bikini body on February 27, 2012 in Miami, FL. Bethenny first laid out by the pool, but soon decided she'd rather spend her Miami vacation laying out on the beach.

Former "Real Housewives of New York" star Bethenny Frankel shows off her skinny bikini body on February 27, 2012 in Miami, FL. Bethenny first laid out by the pool, but soon decided she'd rather spend her Miami vacation laying out on the beach.

Former "Real Housewives of New York" star Bethenny Frankel shows off her skinny bikini body on February 27, 2012 in Miami, FL. Bethenny first laid out by the pool, but soon decided she'd rather spend her Miami vacation laying out on the beach.

Former "Real Housewives of New York" star Bethenny Frankel shows off her skinny bikini body on February 27, 2012 in Miami, FL. Bethenny first laid out by the pool, but soon decided she'd rather spend her Miami vacation laying out on the beach.

Former "Real Housewives of New York" star Bethenny Frankel shows off her skinny bikini body on February 27, 2012 in Miami, FL. Bethenny first laid out by the pool, but soon decided she'd rather spend her Miami vacation laying out on the beach.

Proving a woman can do anything she sets her mind to if she marries rich and has a good plastic surgeon, here’s The Real Housewives of New York City “star” Bethenny Frankel in a bikini in Miami. So do me a favor and click through these then get on with your life. Thanks.

Proving a woman can do anything she sets her mind to if she marries rich and has a good plastic surgeon, here’s The Real Housewives of New York City “star”…