Oh, you think rejection is your ally. But you merely adopted the rejection; I was born in it, moulded by it. I didn't see a positive response until I was already a man, by then it was nothing to me but BLINDING! The rejection betrays you, because it belongs to me!

Nah, I'm good, but thanks. I've come to terms with my upbringing, but it drives me nuts when people flippantly suggest doing similar to their kids. People need to figure out that when you have them (as many married folks do), it's no longer about you.

It's more than that though right? Like people who can handle rejection learn to handle from every facet of their life not just relationship rejection. The people who act this way seem exceptionally spoiled to me and have never really been denied what they want before and just can't process it like an adult.

I agree. This rejection is fucking soft. Ever been denied your school of choice? Your dream career? Your dream job? This is nothing compared to that shit. If you can't handle somebody saying, "Hey, I don't feel like having sex right now because I'm tired." Then you have to put yourself on the line more and get rejected.

Become an actor. After a couple years, you'll either jump off a bridge or embrace the rejection. Only way to survive.

First off, you had to courage to go in for the kiss which is something.This is just personal experience but I think it went wrong with asking for a kiss. I would have responded with something like "Going with the flow" etc. I have asked for a kiss once in my life(in my younger days) and I've never heard of it working out with nothing but rejection.

Yeah, I was debating whether to go for it or not and just thought fuck it. And I agree, I usually don't ask. Kills mood. It was only after she had rejected me that I asked. Went in and went for it, she pulled away and asked, "What are you doing?" At which point I asked. But "Going with the flow" would have been better haha. At least now I know not to waste anymore time.

There's an entire ideology out there with an almost total monopoly over public discourse and education teaching them that literally every single discomfort, dislike, and setback in life is due to a millenia long worldwide conspiracy to brutally oppress and terrorize them because they're women.

Aw man, my wife did that once. Woke me up at 2:30 in the morning wanting sex, the night before I had to take a physical fitness test for my job at 6. Then acted shocked when I told her I wasn’t interested and wanted to be left alone for my last couple hours of sleep.

I had this happen before. I physically pushed her off me like three times saying "I am not awake enough for this, let me sleep" without her stopping before I finally just threw her against the wall the bed was against and yelled at her to go the fuck back to sleep.

Agreed, but this is a context in which I think one can rightly be expected to sort themselves out immediately. If one cannot gracefully accept "no" in response to a request for sex, then one should stop asking for sex until they can handle rejection.

100% of my partners have taken it hard / resented / held it against me when I turned down sex even 1 time. Like if they’re not into it, it’s just a circumstance, but if I’m not into it, it’s a tectonic shift and a judgement on them as people and on the value of our relationship as a whole

Absolutely! I mean, I have a super high, like obnoxiously high even to me, sex drive, so me saying no is rare, and these days my wife knows me and my schedule well enough to know when I'd likely not be down, but she is totally fine with taking care of herself on occasion. Especially when I've got something big to handle in the morning and it's 4am.

I would prefer that my husband tell me that he’s not interested or not up for it. I have told him this many times. I say no when I am not up for it. I can’t figure out why he is so afraid to say no. I definitely don’t sulk or pressure him or anything like that. Since I know what it is like to not be up for it, I am totally understanding when he isn’t. It is like he feels like, if he isn’t ready to go all the time, it makes him less of a man or something. I don’t know. I prefer sex with him when he is enthusiastic and wants it. Sex with someone who isn’t into it isn’t much fun and feels like a chore.

Really, he usually says yes. I am pretty clear when asking. Just every once in a while, he’s tired from running or it’s too soon after our last session (he has a long refractory period) or he’s tired. I totally understand these things and am totally fine waiting. I think, maybe, your last line is really whatit comes down to. Mentally he’s game and he doesn’t want to admit to himself that physically, he’s not.

Oof, this is my boyfriend right now (the part about being there mentally but not physically ). He is dealing with some health problems and still recovering from a depressive bout after a terrible loss earlier this year. He had the highest sex drive ever when we met and now his energy is all different. He still tells me I’m beautiful, has his hands all over me all the time, and he will talk all the time about how “later I want to do X to you” etc but when it comes time to it he just can’t get there. (Even with viagra). He can’t even masturbate anymore.

There is a lot of pressure for men to always say yes. We are told that we should be grateful for ANY sex we have, so some of us are afraid of being accused of ungratefulness if we turn it down or admit it really wasn't that good. Second, the stereotype that men always want sex. So if we turn it down, and someone else finds out, they ask what is wrong with us or if we are gay.

As for your husband, how were his previous relationships? Was he obligated/pressured/forced to have sex in a previous relationship? He may feel the same rules apply, and better to just get it over with than even try and say no. Or perhaps he's just conditioned to always say yes because of it.

I don't know your situation, but sometimes it can depend? Like I'm down to fuck pretty much whenever. I've only denied my girlfriend once or twice and oddly, it was the same situation up above where she tried to have sex with me at 3 am and I was just physically too tired.

But also sometimes when we start doing it, I realize I'm tired as balls and then I slowly lose the wind in my sails, if that makes sense? But not that it's not fun and that I don't enjoy it. It's just I'm not going to finish or I have to call it quits. I'll usually try to get her off though with other methods.

Yeah I have that second problem every so often. I have a bad heart and sometimes even when I was really into it, it's just not gonna happen about halfway through. My girlfriend of 7 years still takes it extremely personally though. Sort of a "Wow am I not attractive enough for you anymore to actually get off?" Generally I have to try to explain "no you are but my heart is literally about to give up and call it quits if we continue" and give her a few hours before she cools off about it.

Are you sure you won't make a fuss about it or is that what you tell yourself and him?
My gf says the same, that it wouldn't bother her if I say no, but that's not the reality. When I say no, she will think that she is not attractive enough and the next few hours will be spent with her being in a bad mood.
It's just not worth it to say no, when I can instead just spent a little time having sex with her and not worry about that.

This is me and my SO. I never explicitly ask him for sex (tried to plan it in advance once but he did not seem particularly enthused by that so I don’t do that anymore) but frequently try to “seduce” him (which basically just involves kissing and taking off my shirt so he can play with my boobs) and see if he takes the bait. Sometimes we just make out and he teases me, other times it progresses to full on sex. Both make me feel attractive so I’m happy with either.

And like you said, it’s never more than a day or two. Having a few days of build up actually just makes me want sex even more so I very very rarely ever turn him down. It also feels pretty damn good to feel like I fulfill his drive.

I don't know how many times she told me it was a blow to her ego when I said no to sex. Even other female friends have told me that it's devastating when a girl hears no to sex. I couldn't believe the double-standard I was hearing.

Yeah dude from what I have read, you have been been a victim of spousal rape many many times. Although not really since you are a man I mean fuck dude grow some balls and just have sex with her, like damn be a REAL man.

Yup, I've had it where i was stressed as fuck, drinking too much, just needed my partner to sit with me, listen to em, hug me, love me.

I remember one day i was on the couch, she was making noise in the bedroom, came out with great make up, heels, fishnet body stocking, cute thong etc. I smiled and said "you look great" but didn't initiate sex. She immediately took it personally, got pissed off, changed, and went into the guest bedroom on her iPhone and ignored me the rest of the night.

I just needed some regular 1 on 1 time with someone, not feel forced to give her some D because she put in all this effort.

I don't have to be happy about everything I do for someone in a relationship. I just spent 15 minutes changing the headlight in my mother's car. That was pretty one way, too. The hope is that in our relationships others do things for us, too, even if they don't get anything out of it. We give to our loved ones.

Idk I don’t think sex should be held hostage in a relationship either. If she wants to fuck, I’ll fuck. If I want to fuck, I want her to fuck. Is this that wild? I want to meet her needs, I want her to meet my needs. I prioritize her happiness, she prioritizes mine. I didn’t think this was that controversial but I guess it is. Others can do whatever they think is the best for them.

Once in awhile I agree. If that’s the trend and one person is always not up to it that’s something else. Just try to have everyone be reasonable and care about the well being of themselves and their partner.

You gonna tell me you have an hour, or however long time you think is satisfactory to the ladies, to fuck every day? How old are you? I am an adult with responsibilities and a busy schedule. Show me the busy professional who has time to fuck every day for an hour and i show you a fucking liar.

No I'm not. If i fucked my girl an hour a day she wouldn't be satisfied, she would be sore and unhappy. She doesn't want it that much or that long. I know because we're fucking adults capable of expressing our needs.

And you are obviously young and inexperienced. No one should ever rely on someone else for their happiness and anyone that expects that from another is immature and codependent. It’s a problem and most of the divorces we see in our friends stem from this.

I'm not exactly young. Nor am I inexperienced. And the man didnt say anything about relying on others for happiness.

A healthy relationship is about compromise, give and take, trust. You as an individual are responsible for your own happiness as well as doing things for your S.O. that make them happy. It goes both ways. When you honestly care about someone, you will do things for them or with them even if you don't enjoy it that much, because you know it makes them happy to share those moments with you. That is the compromise. Lack of communication leads to various issues in relationships and ultimately divorce. If you aren't communicating to your partner what your thoughts and needs are, then how can you ever be happy in that relationship? People cant read minds. Again, its not about relying on someone for happiness- it's about compromise.

My wife has the joint bank card since it's at a bank I was with and couldn't get a second card. We like to pay for everything with this. The looks we get from wait staff, especially when we go to the same place a few time in a row, is hilarious.

I listen to stories about people she hates. For example her and her sister had a falling out over a year ago. They haven’t spoken since but I still have to listen to her vent about it. At some point it’s time to move on.

I offer opinions when she askes knowing they’ll be ignored. No idea why you ask someone for advice or what have you if you’re just Going to do the opposite.

I fix things she breaks and accept her bs excuses as to how the damage happened and why she can’t fix it herself.

I pretend to enjoy the shit tv she likes and pretend I don’t care when she falls asleep 5 min into what I like.

From my experience, women tend to want to vent while men tend to look for ways to fix the problem. Without being sexist, it’s a difference in the way both genders tend to operate, but it’s not universal. It may truly be that she just needs to be heard, she’s not looking for advice- which may seem counterintuitive to you. Someone gave me advice a few years back and my husband and I both use it to this day- but when there’s a problem, ask “do you want my advice? Do you want me to help fix it? Are you just venting? Do you want my opinion or do you want me to just listen right now?”

Lol, it was actually my Dad that pointed it out- I was frustrated when talking to a friend when I was younger and that piece of advice stuck with me. Most of the time when I go to my husband it’s for comfort/ venting. I actually really respect my husbands point of view, so when I feel like I’m missing something I tend to explain what I’m experiencing and ask for his take on it. He tends to consider more unique angles and I like hearing his logic on how he draws conclusions. Doesn’t mean I always agree- but I like hearing how his thought process works.

There is a very logical explanation to this. Don't offer critical "advice" to somebody in distress, they won't be receptive of your criticizm. Wait for them to calm down. If they are dealing with an emotion, offer them comfort, that is the first priority here. People like to gender stereotype this without giving it too much thought, when it's actually a very simple concept and men do the kneejerk reaction as well when offered criticizm while being angry or upset.

Most guys with whom I've spoken about this issue only resort to complaining (in earnest) about a problem when they are having trouble solving it themselves and they're looking for a good solution. The women in my life appear to complain mainly as an act of solidarity or relationship-building. Of course, these are merely tendencies and trends, and exceptions abound-- but that "stereotype" seems to hold as a general pattern of behavior.

There's such thing as a confirmation bias, and I think it's only an issue if you believe that it's an issue. Clearly we've had different experiences, I do not believe there is such a "trend" at all. I've worked in an office where I was the only woman with 6 men aged 25 to 50 for a few years, and you won't believe the amount of unnecessary complaining, whining, gossip and hysterical door slamming I've witnessed. If I was so inclined, I would assume that all men are like this, but I genuinely don't think so.

This is very true. Which is why women will often just give you minimal responses to your statements showing they're listening. But guys are actually trying to get meaningful advice from the talking not just acknowledgement that they are heard.

I do find women tend to like to complain about other people a lot too. Someone that wronged them or they dislike. Ive never really gotten the point of doing that as it doesn't achieve anything.

Yea. It’s very counterintuitive. I’d never ask another person something and completely dismiss it. Took me time to come up with my strategy - I’ve started cutting her off and just saying whatever you think is best. She doesn’t like it but it makes me laugh.

Her: What dress should I ...
me: whatever you think is best.
Her: you’re just saying that to shut me up
Me: maybe :-)

For a while, I employed a script: "That's terrible. You're right. That bitch! What are you going to do?"

I would deploy the script any time she was clearly complaining without any interest in any response other than total, suggestion-free agreement and commiseration. Certainly I was never allowed to suggest that the person she had a problem with may have seen the situation from a different point of view. So I would deploy the script, word for word, all in a single sentence as written above. Eventually she relented: now when I say, "May I share an opinion about that?" the answer is not an automatic (and autocratic) "No."

Still, it's frustrating that while she always shares her opinions "loud and from the diaphragm" as she puts it, she still responds with annoyance when I fail to ask permission first. Equality!

I would deploy the script any time she was clearly complaining without any interest in any response other than total, suggestion-free agreement and commiseration. Certainly I was never allowed to suggest that the person she had a problem with may have seen the situation from a different point of view. So I would deploy the script, word for word, all in a single sentence and written above. Eventually she relented: now when I say, "May I share an opinion about that?" the answer is not an automatic (and autocratic) "No."

Still, it's frustrating that while she always shares her opinions "loud and from the diaphragm" as she puts it, she still responds with annoyance when I fail to ask permission first. She appears to be perplexed by the words, "To expect this of me, every time, is to basically treat me like a mannequin or a table lamp, or a child. That's hurtful."

I would deploy the script any time she was clearly complaining without any interest in any response other than total, suggestion-free agreement and commiseration. Certainly I was never allowed to suggest that the person she had a problem with may have seen the situation from a different point of view. So I would deploy the script, word for word, all in a single sentence and written above. Eventually she relented: now when I say, "May I share an opinion about that?" the answer is not an automatic "No."

My GF loves those “Real Housewives” shows and always wants to spend quality time with me watching a bunch of trashy rich people arguing with each other. But heaven forbid I throw on Top Gear or something, she’ll retreat out of the room with an annoyed sigh.

And apparently I’m supposed to understand that if she casually mentions something wrong with her car in the middle of the conversation, that means I’m supposed to fix it. I previously assumed she could just ask if she needed my help, but in her mind, making me halfway aware of a problem is synonymous with asking me to fix it.

In my experience, if a woman doesn't feel like having sex that's fine, I understand that she's not always in the mood. If I say no to sex with her.. oh god, the drama. At least a week or two of passive aggressive comments about me not loving her anymore, coldness, out of control insecurities. So yes, I never say no anymore just to avoid the aftermath.

Does she realize men aren't actually horny and dying to go at it 24/7? It sounds obvious but a lot of what women are taught about men is centered around their supposed insatiable desire to have sex. So when your husband or boyfriend turns you down you dont think, "oh well, maybe tonight". Its more like, "oh fuck. He always wants to have sex but now he doesn't want sex with me. I'm boring. I'm not hot anymore. He doesn't like me as much."

Turned down the wife one time years ago, and she did the above quoted routine of asking what about her wasn't doing it for me anymore. Eventually she blurts out, "So what is it then!?" and pissed off that she didn't accept the real answer of 'just not now dammit', I snarked back "Because I'm getting it somewhere else!". In case anybody reading this wonders, that was not a helpful thing to say.

Exactly. If you're not into it at the time, you're probably not going to get hard enough. Which means partly no sex. It's not a question of being willing or unwilling. You don't exactly control your downstairs like an on/off switch.

Nurturing them, getting them off, helping with/ listening to their problems, taking stuff you think is trivial seriously because it's serious to them.

The only difference is men also feel obligated to pay more than their fair share for things & do anything which approaches heavy labor (putting things together, fixing things that are broken). Men are probably also have a greater obligation towards their SO's self esteem and security. I don't think women are as focused on making sure their partner feels good about themselves & safe.

Of course this is all on average, every individual and relationship is unique.

Many men are too proud or too scared to appear weak, many women are actively turned off by any kind of weakness in a man.

The solution I think is to hold each other to higher standards. I think many women would be willing to invest in the security & self esteem of their partners the same way men do now, except it's not really something that is talked about or thought about. There are a lot of women who already do, but it's a bonus & not really the obligation it should be.

There is this idea that men's emotional lives are less rich, or they experience emotion less often, but of course it's not true. Men are taught & expected to control their feelings, but that doesn't mean we have less of them or that they are less important.

I think eventually we will get it right & look back in shame at how little attention was paid to the lives and well being of men. It's tough out there, a man has very little inherent value to society. You have to do a lot to be considered worthwhile or worthy. Even being average is pretty poor, which is a crazy standard.

That's the key word. It's like people who say men are afraid of "rejection". No, we're not. We're afraid of punishment. If you offered any guy a magic crystal ball that would let them now if they would be rejected ahead of time they'd take it in a heartbeat.

Same goes for "opening up" and being "vulnerable". I have no problems having vulnerable moments with my girlfriend because she's never punished me for it or ever used it against me even during a fight. Many, if not most, other men are not nearly so fortunate.

I'm not sure about the last bit, its the same for women, you have to be beautiful and smart and confident in order to be taken seriously a lot of the time. Being average isn't seen as a good thing :(
I see it as: if you're in a relationship it's about working as a duo to be the best you can be collectively. You've gotta have each other's backs and take care of each other in more than just the normal gender roles say 👍

I disagree. An average woman is a fine thing to be, even below average women get a lot of attention and have an inherent value. Sure being exceptional is better, but the scale by which men measure women is linear. A 6 is slightly less good than a 7, a 5 is slightly less good than a 6.

The scale by which women measure men decreases much more quickly. A 6 is half as good as a 7. A 5 is half as good as a 6.

It's not great data, but okcupid released some stats & women considered 80% of men to below average. An average guy has to work pretty hard, a below average guy has to work exponentially harder. I think an average guy will get the same level of attention from the opposite sex in his lifetime as an average woman would in a year.

The same can be said for emotional support and nurturing. I don't know how you would measure it, but I think there is 1/10th the regard for men's emotional lives & feeling of security as there is for women. I think many women get as much care in a year as many men do in a lifetime.

I just spent 3 years dealing with a few very difficult problems which all hit at once. I definitely needed support, but somehow I spent way more time taking care of other people than I got back in my time of need. My job is to help, not be helped. Ideally I should have been able to ease back & be taken care of, but if I stopped doing my job I wouldn't have had any value at all & would go from little to no support.

> You've gotta have each other's backs and take care of each other in more than just the normal gender roles say

Yup, fuck what people say. Do what you are good at & do it for the benefit of other people. Your SO should get priority, but we should all be looking out for each other to the best of our ability.

Just to be clear, I think most women are plenty good, & there is a lot of overlap between men and women.

The scale by which women measure men decreases much more quickly. A 6 is half as good as a 7. A 5 is half as good as a 6.

It's not great data, but okcupid released some stats & women considered 80% of men to below average. An average guy has to work pretty hard, a below average guy has to work exponentially harder. I think an average guy will get the same level of attention from the opposite sex in his lifetime as an average woman would in a year.

The same can be said for emotional support and nurturing. I don't know how you would measure it, but I think there is 1/10th the regard for men's emotional lives & feeling of security as there is for women. I think many women get as much care in a year as many men do in a lifetime.

> You've gotta have each other's backs and take care of each other in more than just the normal gender roles say

Yup, fuck what people say. Do what you are good at & do it for the benefit of other people. Your SO should get priority, but we should all be looking out for each other to the best of our ability.

Just to be clear, I think most women are plenty good, & there is a lot of overlap between men and women.

Women are passive compared to men that's why men don't get the attention romantically. Women so so rarely make a move compared to men thus they get the power of choice because they don't put themselves on the line for rejection.
Everyone below average/average has to work harder to stand out from the crowd.
I already agreed with you on emotional support no need to extrapolate. It's a societal issue as a whole and people are becoming more aware of it.

The worst thing is if you think about the implications of all this in the context of primitive subsistence and survival it all makes perfect sense. We had millenia of evolution create the perfect set of drives to keep us alive when we were naked in caves and savannahs. It even kept working right up through the industrial age when "getting shit done" meant backbreaking physical labor and danger that, let's face it, women as a whole are simply not able to compete with men in.

It's just utterly counterproductive in a postindustrial society where a majority of your economy is knowledge or service work and fertility is actively controllable.

Men can work on their own self esteem and emotional security without women doing it for them though?

Those things don't come out of nowhere. They're created by how we're treated by others. A man who is told by his partner that he's attractive, desirable, etc will have higher self esteem than one who doesn't hear those things.

Pointing fingers at "the big bad patriarchy", yet you tell us we should get our shit together ourselves without any support. Our bad for asking any help/support from the women in our lives, we should leave them alone and not include them.

You are the very thing you want to destroy (even if it doesn't really exist).

I wish my husband would let me put stuff together. Yes he can do it faster and with probably less frustration but I love the sense of satisfaction I get when I'm done. He automatically does it though. I've told him I don't mind I can do it myself but he feels awkward to just watch me and he cant stand not "helping" it comes from a good place but truly I don't mind I enjoy it too! It's the same with painting. I don't mind painting and he hates it and I ALWAYS tell him you don't gave to lift a finger I will do it all but nope he cant stand just watching. He's a perfectionist so he would rather go ahead and do all the trim and cutting in himself.

Oh yeah, both genders are definitely responsible for the current situation.

Instead of bringing out the best we often reinforce the worst. Women learn to be helpless when it comes to certain types of work, and it's often (but not exclusively) men who teach them that lesson.

I'm gut renovating my apartment in NYC, if you want to come over with your hubbo & show him what you can do, feel free!

It sounds like you've got a pretty good handle on your feelings, your husband may not. I would show him this comment, you deserve an opportunity to stretch your wings. He has more practice with these things, so it makes sense he might be better, tell him it's time to graduate to management & his job to teach you.

All the best. I have 100% confidence you can do the work we pretend is reserved for men.

I do almost everything in our household because husband just takes so long to do anything. He is extremely, extremely inefficient, so he does the things I REALLY don't want to do like yard work and handy man stuff, heavy lifting. I literally do everything else including most of the child rearing. I also work.

So I'm in a hotel with my wife. The in-laws are in the room above us. The mother in law is fat. Like fat fat. So fat they had to break some door frames to make her maneuver their house easily. As I'm trying to fall asleep I hear her husband yelling "Just because we're married it don't mean you can force me to have sex with you!" I died trying not to lol and my wife died of shame. Good times.

I'm getting flashbacks to Things I Learned From My Patients. More than a few stories about ultra obese chicks and how they have sex. I remember two. One used a wooded board to hold up her fat so her guy could even get his dick in there. The other had her SISTER hold her fat up so she could have sex with her husband!

I’m a SUPER introvert and my wife, for the most part, feels like a weekend without going out and doing stuff is a wasted weekend. So we are always going to these events that I feel like I have to go to when I’m like 20% interested. But I love her and it makes her happy to do stuff with me, so I go.

Because she wants to spend time with me. To her, I’m more important than her friends, and doing things without me just isn’t quite as fun (at least that’s what I think). Don’t get me wrong, we each do get time apart and time with friends as well, but we DO send up going to tons of big events and fests.

In every other aspect, she is my perfect partner. She’s an AMAZING mother and our parenting styles have been the same from the get-go. On top of that, communication between us is great, I respect her more than anyone else I’ve ever met, and my life has improved infinitely since she came along. It’s because of those things that I’m happy to go out to a giant festival and feel slightly overwhelmed for an afternoon. Seeing her happy at the end of the day makes all of that completely worth it.

Context probably plays into both your reasonings. I have had an amazing brunch for $20 CAD in a big city and an equally good brunch for $7 out in the middle of nowhere. For example, food cost more in the city, but I didn't have to drive 40 mins round trip to get there, I just walked.

Going on dates that they want, and never getting to go on the dates I want. Sometimes I wanna bring whoever i'm with to a hockey game and finally get on the kiss cam, but no, instead we're gonna go picnicking in 100+ degree weather, or go on a double date with her friends that I don't really like.

That killed it with my 2nd and 3rd GF's. Especially when 2 kept on wanting me to be friends with her friends. A tough guy from the South meets... the ultimate Boston hipster conglomerate. Did not work out.

A guy taking me out for a Ice Hockey, Football, Baseball, or Cricket (cause I am an Indian ;p) would be a date I would LOVE 💖). Being on a the Kiss cam would obviously be a bonus, which girl wouldn’t like her guy showing her off to the world?

But picnics and double dates with my girlfriends is also something I would want. And I would take him to watch Tennis, cause that’s my sport :D

I feel obligated to being emotionally durable enough for the two of us. When she's freaking out, I can't freak out with her or there will be two people freaking out instead of one person leading us towards a solution.

I feel obligated to pretend that the thing she's knotted up about is as significant as she's making it, and take her griping about menial shit seriously.

I feel obligated to stay on top of our financial future because she isn't capable and doesn't seem like becoming capable is on her roadmap.

Holy shit, this is so fucking true. I've had relationships where I'm always the one who has to keep composure. Half the time I'll be yelled because she doesn't think I recognize the severity, but I know if I also freak out nothing will get fixed.

It’s awful. In my current relationship I deal with her breakdowns at least once a month. In the 18 months we’ve been together, I’ve had 2 breakdowns- and they were big. I sobbed for hours. I’m a together guy and I’m pretty open, but when I’m so busy being together for her, I bottle my stuff up. I held in the death of a mentor, my mum is living overseas. My father has health problems. My work is draining. My career is stalling. I’m on top of it all, but it has to get let out- and she doesn’t handle it well. Im a man, then every once in a little while, I’m a boy. It’s rough.

Written whilst having a shit. In here my arsehole is being strong enough for both of us.

Everything. I just broke up with my girlfriend today, but she would give me shit if I'd forget to open the blinds before I left for work (at 5am), or have a fucking meltdown if she came home from work and I was upstairs playing video games, and in turn didn't greet her at the door with breakfast.

This is probably the biggest one for me. My family was always really open and nice to the girls I'd bring home, but their families rarely gave me the same respect. I'd have to go to all these family gatherings where I'd be examined, critiqued, never talked to, and generally feel awkward and uncomfortable. Plus my first girlfriend was super traditional so I'd be the one paying for every single date we went on.

My husband is like that. He’s ready to go at all times. Sometimes even if I just don’t want it at that moment, I’ll have sex with him because it will make him so happy. He gets so excited by me and I love that he is still so into me after 17 years, so sometimes I give him a little something to hold him over.

Ha, yep. My wife jokingly gives me a hard time and says I’m like a 20 year old. After 21 years and 13 years of marriage I am still nuts about her and tell her that me always wanting sex with her is a good problem to have.

Having sex, at times. This is one part because sometimes I'm just not super in the mood, and one part because being the usually dominant one means it's more physical exertion for me. The worst case though is girls who expect sex because they're turned on by the scratchy "I'm sick" voice; I have little to no interest in sex when I'm sick.

Listening to them vent is another big one. I'm fine with listening to a GF vent over significant things, but the daily insignificant ones can get tiresome.

I traded in a perfectly serviceable car (14 Jeep Patriot) at a 3K loss because my wife hated it and wanted something better. Less than a year of payments left, but she hated it with all her heart and wore me down over 4 long years. She had her own car (Purple Spark) during this period but she kept having to borrow my car because it was bigger than hers. Now I gave 'My truck' that she always drives (yellow Colorado) her car that is parked unless we're going for a long drive, and our "Snowbeater" (05 black trailblazer with a million miles) that I always drive because I hate the Spark and she's always driving "my" truck. She liked the Trailblazer when we bought it because it has a 3rd row and a sunroof, but I fear she's turning against it due to the horrible mileage and black paint. She's pissed at all the gas I burn driving it to work. I'm prolly f*cked.

I bought a useless membership to a useless vacation club we've only used once in the last five years because wifey wanted us to go on vacations and trips, and cried that she needed it. We can afford to the money to travel, we never have the time.

We have a 105 gallon GLASS aquarium that I've moved 4 times in the last six years (from the original owners basement to 1 apt, 2 houses) because she loves her aquariums and her water babies. The 40 gallon column tank isn't too bad, but the big tank is a monster to move. She was eyeballing a 240 gal tank at a fish store yesterday, and my back was like "Please, sweet Jesus no!"

As far as I am concerned, in a healthy relationship you shouldn't feel obligated to do anything. Sometimes I am not in the mood to do certain things, but I will always make an effort since that makes my SO happy! I know she would do the same, and that's how it is supposed to be for us :)

I'm not always up for it when she wants it, but it's not like it hurts to put out... Saying no to a girl is generally not a good idea. 6/6 girlfriends haven't been able to handle it.

Apart from that it's listening to her venting. It's a lot easier since i realised she doesn't actually need me to engage. Ahahh and mhmm at the right places is enough, and she doesn't mind even though she knows I'm not really listening. There is something about saying it out loud that makes things better for her. I don't get it, but it works!

Why do men ALWAYS have to walk the dog? I’m sooooo tired of walking the dog every day, four times a day. But I love the guy, and when he’s wiggling around, begging to go and my SO isn’t jumping up to help the guy out - I just have to do it. I’ve said things in the past, and she’ll walk him maybe once a week if I ask, but god, do I really have to ask? No one has to ask me.

Answer your questions with a white lie. Does she look pretty to you? Yup. Why are you looking at other women like that. Luckily my wife is great. She only gives me shit about kelly clarkson. She was joking with someone that id leave her for Kelly Clarkson. I said yep. She stopped joking about that afterwards.

I gonna telling her that when i go to her concert in feb. she is going to see me and be enchanted by my looks and leave her family to be with me, but i will turn her down because that is how much i love my wife. She is going to tell me im full of shit. I already know it.

I hate the sun. So on weekends my wife has to drag my ass out of the house. I fucking hate it, but I do it anyway and when she asks me, “that was a successful day wasn’t it? We were busy and got out of the house.” I just lie and say yes. She smiles and it makes her feel good, so it’s not all bad.

Now don't get me wrong, we have interests that we share and interests that are solely our own. But there is also a lot of grey area where one of us is take-it-or-leave-it about a hobby or television show or even a person or group of people.

I don't really care for grey's anatomy, but if she needs company for her third watch through of the damned thing then fine. I don't really care about her co-workers but I'll stop by her job for lunch and at least pretend to be interested in their dumb grand kids.

A few times when I've compromised and "faked it", I've ended up really enjoying myself. Dawson's Creek is awesome, y'know? And she has more good friends than she does crappy ones.

The important thing, for us, is that we're giving a little ground where ever we can to help nurture the relationship.

My fiance has a huge sex drive and while I don't tell her no I just refuse to initiate and tell her if she wants it, she can climb on top. I'm more than happy to compromise and have sex when she wants, she just has to be on top and do the work.

My fiance has a huge sex drive and while I don't tell her no I just refuse to initiate and tell her if she wants it, she can climb on top. I'm more than happy to compromise and have sex when she wants, she has to be on top and do the work

I don’t like stereotype either. I was only responding to the original question but the question of stereotyping is valid and is a common misconception. If men were only concerned about sex, and not love, there’d be a lot fewer single Hookers.

A relative of mine had an SO that was obsessed with having a baby, so if she was ovulating, they were banging...problem is he didn't necessarily want kids at the time, but if he said no she'd freak the fuck out.

As I said before though, he "had" a SO...now he's happily married to someone that actually cares about his wants/needs.

I’m surprised there are lots of other men saying sex. I thought I was the only one. Or in the minority. I’m in the mood like once or twice a week. I work hard and when the kids are in bed I really enjoy just laying around watching tv. Cuddling in bed is cool but I don’t always wanna screw. My wife is a nympho too lol. She says she masterbates a lot after I fall asleep. I feel bad about it sometimes like I’m not fulfilling her needs but damn I’m not always horny.

My ex wanted me to call her all the time. Honestly, it was annoying when I was traveling. Like yeah, I want to call you and talk to you, but every single night? And then she would get all pissed if I didn't want to talk. I got shit to do, woman! Sometimes I'm with a group of people and can't just break away to have a phone conversation. Kind of rude.

It sounds petty, but for real, give me some space sometimes. I like missing you, not being connected 24/7/365.

When I was younger I was compelled to sit through chick flicks. GF told me some movie called "the notebook" was her favorite movie....and she had "The patriot" and "We were soldiers" right next to it...

Men feel the obligation to satisfy their partners' sexual needs too. That is a normal and healthy part of monogamous relationships. When you ask someone to make a solemn vow never to eat at another restaurant, you are kinda obligating yourself to make sure you're open when they are hungry.

It's just harder for men (no pun intended) to provide that satisfaction when they aren't in the mood themselves. Hence the paranoid obsession with erectile dysfunction.

Hold on a sec. How do they feel obligated even though it's often the women who give you one chance or you're friendzoned, or if you straight deny it or say no they freak out? I think there was a thread about this recently where we discussed women losing their shit when they are turned down from being asked out and that topic came up.

Men are somehow responsible for planning special occasions like Valentines Day or wedding anniversaries. They have to come up with some grand romantic gesture/night out for the woman judge as worthy or lacking. If his plans don't measure up he 'doesn't care enough'. Women just have to get a gift. Men don't give a shit if a woman doesn't plan any grand romantic gestures.