1. You stop feeling good about yourself. You might feel confident about your new haircut or expensive dress you bought — but only for a little while. As soon as your person makes an offhand comment about your appearance, you decide you were stupid for originally thinking you looked pretty. Their opinion can ruin your day in a heartbeat.

2. You say yes when you want to say no. You try to avoid arguments, because you are sick of having them. If that means you have to watch a movie you’ll hate or have sex when you’re not in the mood, then you’ll deal with it to keep the peace for at least a little while.

3. You feel like you have to walk on eggshells. You find yourself telling little white lies to avoid upsetting your person. You know they would be mad if you mentioned how your male boss complimented you or how you had a good time without them, so you keep details hidden from them.

4. You have crushes on other people. When someone else holds the door open for you or compliments you on your outfit, you swoon, because you’re not used to being treated with kindness.

5. You lie to friends and family. You don’t want your loved ones to hate the person you’re dating, so you have to bend the truth when you talk to make your person look better. Otherwise, your family would tell you to break up with them.

6. You stop being social. Your person gets mad when you text other people, so you stop texting. They get mad when you spend too much time with your friends, so you stop leaving the house. You let this person become your entire world because it’s easier than fighting against them.

7. You stop thinking for yourself. They say you’re stupid and you believe them. They say you should lose weight and you believe them. You stop thinking for yourself and start seeing the world through their eyes.

8. You change things you like about yourself. You lose weight. You dye your hair. You change your wardrobe. Not because you want to do those things, but because it’s what they want you to do.

9. You would rather be alone than alongside them. You might claim you miss them when you’re apart, but when you actually spend time with them, you are thinking about how you would rather be somewhere else. Your time with them isn’t as fun as it should be.

10. You never mention your relationship. You don’t have anything nice to say about your person, so you usually don’t talk about them. Whenever someone asks you a question about your love life, you keep it short.

11. You are stressed all the time. You feel like there is always a problem. As soon as one conflict is dealt with, another problem arises. You rarely get a moment of peace. You are constantly on edge.

12. You are unhappy overall. Your person doesn’t make your day better. They make it worse. They don’t make you feel better about yourself. They make you feel horrible. They make you cry more than they make you laugh.

Living with a chronic illness like Hidradenitis Suppurativa alone can be bad for your mental health. You owe it to yourself to find a significant other who wants to be there for you through good times and bad.