Monday, May 10, 2010

Idiot’s guide to How to Manipulate and Abuse

The following is taken from a Governmental Organization’s web site. You can easily switch the names Brian and Sarah to anything more relevant to you. –

When Brian and Sarah began dating, her friends were envious. Brian was smart, sensitive, funny, athletic, and good-looking.

For the first couple of months, Sarah seemed happy. She started to miss her friends and family, though, because she was spending more time with Brian and less time with everyone else. That seemed easier than dealing with Brian's endless questions. He worried about what she was doing at every moment of the day.

Sarah's friends became concerned when her behavior started to change. She lost interest in the things she once enjoyed, like swim meets and going to the mall. She became secretive and moody. When her friends asked if she was having trouble with Brian, she denied that anything was wrong. Do you wanna be Brian?

Do you want to completely manipulate and mind fuck your partner into getting them to do exactly what you want, when you want and make their life a living hell? Do you want to feel good about yourself by sucking the life force out of someone else? Do you have questions like how some people be the so obnoxious and degenerate and still manage to hold onto their man or woman, but didn’t know whom to ask. If yes then look no further, help is here.

Let me tell you how the game is played.

First find a target. He or she should be naïve and gullible. Looks doesn’t matter, good looking people can as easily be trapped as not so attractive people. But there has to be one fatal flaw, something damaged about them, which makes them have a low self esteem. Small issues being unattractive, nerdy, lonely are good but it’s the really complex issues like a bad past relationship, parent issues, depression, troubled childhood etc. what’ll be the cherry on your cake.

Then lay the trap. Be as charming as sweet as you can be, shower them with attention, make them feel special, say that you understand what they are going through and you will make everything OK, tell them the world is cruel and unjust and it’s not their fault, show them that you are as imperfect as them. Charisma is certainly a pre-requisite here. Do something unexpected for them, buy the girl an expensive gift, give the geeky boy a kiss and then blush profusely. Now the prey is feeling like the Princess who was trapped in a tower by the dragon and you were the Knight who rescued them. He/ begins the to think that this is the real you, that their troubles are behind them, that they are incredibly lucky to have found you.

Now is the time to spring the trap. Only that you do not ‘spring’ the trap, you slowly lower them deeper into the quicksand. First start asking where and with whom they are all the time. Check their phone records and e-mail accounts. Start throwing tantrums and blaming them that they are not spending enough time with you. Give them guilt trips and make accusations like they do not love you ‘as much’. When they try to object to the lack of space say things like “I am just trying look out for you” or “It’s just because I love you and care for you so much” or even better “You remember what happened when you trusted other people the last time?” Start alienating them from their friends, and kill all hobbies and interests in their lives. Now they are hopelessly dependent on you for everything. Keep turning on the charm and adulating them occasionally.

At this point, move in for the kill. Accuse them for being good for nothing, that nobody else likes them, they do not deserve love and how everything that’s wrong is their fault. This helps in reinforcing their low self worth again. Outlaw everything which they would want to do so that they would have to lie to you to do it, then catch them and use the lie as a weapon. Say that everything would be alright if they just ‘tried harder’. Now start dictating terms. Tell them exactly what they should do. Offer minimal and no explanations, all the while doing what you please with your life. In case of disobedience use the following tactics in this order.

Silent Treatment. Shut them out completely and give no heed to their begging or pleading till they agree to do what you said.

Show explosive anger. Break stuff in the house. Smash your mobile phone. Shatter Mirrors. Pound the table. Anything that has the required dramatic and intimidating effect. Show that this is only the beginning and further non compliance can bring the worse.

Start crying hysterically. This works especially well if you are a girl. Act like your choking and are about to faint or worse. Try to say something in between sobs. Trust me this has more crushing effect than a brick wall falling on you.

Threaten harm to yourself. Say you are going to commit suicide.

Do something that will hurt them the most. You have all the ammo against him or her, hit where it starts. Ridicule them about their parents, re iterate their past failed relationship, sleep with someone else.

So now you have them at your mercy. Do what you please with them and feel good about yourself. But the work is only half done yet. Now it might be that they might gather the courage and say that they are going to leave you which is unlikely because you have killed all the courage in them. Or it might be some nosy friend of theirs sees this and talks them into leaving you, which is unlikely again as you have made sure that he/she don’t have any friends left (if you feel that there are, put him or her into ‘either me or them’ situation) plus he or she is mistrustful of everyone but you. If the prey is a guy it is even easier, because of his misdirected machismo he will never even accept being used and used, let alone seek help. But even though highly unlikely, this eventuality might occur and thus has to be addressed. So what if she leaves you, don’t worry she will come back. Here’s how –

First show extreme anger and order them to come back or else….

If it doesn’t work then cry like a madman and then pretend that you have broken down. Tell them how you miss them so much.

Threaten suicide more seriously and with specifics. You can even attempt a fake one; a few sleeping pills, drinking phenyl, a few shallow cuts on the wrist, or getting into an accident can work wonders.

Still not done, threaten to do something against the people she loves, say that you are gonna tell her parents about the drugs she used, say that you are gonna upload your intimate video on the internet, or her life will become even worse if she or he leaves you, and he or she was doomed from the start.

If nothing works, this surely will. Apologize. Yes you heard me right, apologize. Of course fake but still. Say that you have changed, you have realized that this was not the true you. That you are also a flawed human being just like them and you committed a mistake. But don’t forget to add that it was only because you loved her or him so much and a little more subtly that in reality it was their fault. You are gonna rebuild the relationship again and want their support. Bring the charming, caring old self out again. Sleep with the guy if you are a girl.

He or she is most vulnerable at this time. The prey should think that monstrous you wasn’t the real you and you have really and permanently changed. And somehow he or she owes it you to help you get back to your real self. Phrases like “If you have ever loved me then….” can really do the trick here. Trust he or she will come back. Now when then they are firmly in your grasp you can go back to your old self.

If the whole thing goes south and he or she actually leaves you for good and starts reconstructing his or her life, do not despair. There are plenty of such fish in the sea. Spot somebody else, go to step number one and repeat.

P.S. – Once you get past the satire you must understand that this is a reality and nearer to us than we like to acknowledge. Take a look around.

And if case you are wondering if I am a victim or a perpetrator of this, I’m none. I am, as my one of my friend said about me when he was asked to describe me in one line “Someone who sees everything but says nothing”.

11 comments:

Did u write this andy? You say so because you are neither the victim nor the perpetrator....Because I have been on both sides...and while its an immensely entertaining read...it doesnt exactly work like that...it is as painful for the "perpetrator" as for the "victim"....But then that's your opinion and this is mine..

One extremely important characteristic with which you can find out if a person is the "manipulative" type is that they seem to have acted in many school plays and danced a lot on stage. I don't know what the connection is but it is there! I'll mention more if I remember any.. :P

@Manaswita - Yes I wrote this. And how have you been on both sides? I mean feigning anger once to intimidate or crying one time just to coerce someone is a different thing. But complete and systematic manipulation is something. Its a illness in a literal sense.

And care to explain that how is it painful for the 'perp' as well? Of course you can take this in the psychological way and claim that the perp has no control over this and is suffering himself or herself .

Well, on both sides meaning both smothered and (as i realise now) smothering...I've been the "victim n felt like the victim n I've been the manipulator n still felt like a victim, without realizing it...N thats the thing, not "feigning" anger, but actually being angry, n actually crying n creating scenes (and wanting to kill myself for it afterwards)..maybe not to the extent that you mention (about enquiring their whereabouts and every little detail of their lives, but wondering what they were doing all the time n feeling mighty tempted to ask, n in fact subtly steering conversation to find out) but to the extent that I started feeling like a leech and actually "tried to change"..I guess the motivation for the perpetrator might in some cases be insecurity rather than malice. Of course you could argue that malice might be a by product of insecurity in the first place, wanting to see someone suffer as they did, etc. I mean why would you need to manipulate someone to feel powerful unless you urself had issues..like you say, the psychological angle..but it might be done without realizing what one is doing because one has become obsessive..(But dude, I HAVE participated in lotsa school plays n dance programs etc....I'm really beginning to doubt myself now)

Yes most malice stems from Insecurity and abuse earlier in life. Its a scientific fact that most adult abusers were victims of abuse or abandonment in their childhood. And control over someone else's lives gives the feel good that they don't get from their lives.

Phew ... I am researching and giving so much 'gyan' over the internet these days that I already feel like a 'Farji Psychologist' :-)

About Me

Forget your personal tragedy. We are all bitched from the start and you especially have to be hurt like hell before you can write seriously. But when you get the damned hurt use it — don't cheat with it. -
Ernest Hemingway