Preemptive Rejection Letter

In response to my recent rejections, a dear friend sent me a link to The Rejection Generator Project, where you can preemptively select your own rejection letter in order to prepare you for the real thing. I tried out a few, and found the Shame Missile to be most effective at penetrating my toughening skin:

“As I read your submission, I pictured you at your desk scribbling away in your Moleskine, maybe typing on your whisper-thin Macbook. I imagined what sort of posters you had on the walls above, your MFA and fancy fonts spelling out quotes from Joss Whedon and Maya Angelou, who, let’s be real here, you have never read. You’re drinking coffee from your NaNoWriMo mug and you have on a hoodie, maybe even a tote bag that proclaims you a WRITER. That’s nice, isn’t it? You like the way that sounds. If you write, you’re a writer, correct?… Unfortunately, that’s not really true. In order to be considered a professional writer, you need people to read your work, which they won’t do in our publication, because your submission is garbage.”