Saturday, April 9, 2016

Stair monster

The dark spirit of the library stairs struck again today. In the back
room we heard the terrible scream. We rushed out. And there at the foot
of our treacherous staircase lay another mangled body. No blood this
time. This one went down four stairs hard, more or less feet first,
thankfully, but, alas, not straight, and now her foot seemed to be on
backwards. That may sound fanciful, but no, that's a fair description.
In my minor role I got a good look while conveying some message to the
assistant manager, who was tending to the patron. The Paramedics came and
removed her shoe. And there it was, a backwards foot, which might not
sound like too much until one starts thinking about what it might be
like to have such a thing out at the end of one's leg.
I imagined comforting the injured patron. "Don't worry, you're gonna be
okay. It's not nearly as bad as the last person who fell down the
stairs. So much blood! Then she died! Of course, she seemed okay when
she left the library."
Then I might add "You know what? Never mind."
Like most institutions my library can be erratic in its reactions to
things. One man smells so bad people are gagging throughout the whole
wing of the library he's in. He leaves a wake of unusable, pee-stained
chairs behind him, and we consider ourselves helpless in the face of it.
But another man has a tendency to remove his shoes over in the chair he
likes to sit in and we clamp down hard, insisting that he meet our shoe
standard. We might shut down half the library to protect a few minor
pieces of technology during some power problems, but drag our feet when
the weather sirens go off. And so some minor leak may be cordoned off in
a wide, dramatic fashion, whereas the staircase is free to go on
maiming people with impunity.
Ah well, fair enough. How do you fix a staircase anyway? Even as it
feels oddly dangerous when one walks down it, it's hard to understand exactly
why that staircase is dangerous. Perhaps it is all as it
should be. Upstairs is the whole of our traditional library collection, all of the fiction
and non fiction adult books. So yes, you may be crippled or killed
in your pursuit of enlightenment at my library. But then there is always a risk that must be taken in the pursuit of knowledge.

You're probably fine as I don't think we have any actual rule per se. The man involved is merely difficult, userous, demanding, and takes up a lot of space. So I'm saying that rule/requirement was highly capricious and not so likely to apply to you. As far as I'm concerned, if you are willing to risk traveling on our monster staircase, you should be able to remove your shoes for a spell between desperate and dangerous journeys.

If you were wondering, yes, you should comment. Not only does it remind me that I must write in intelligible English because someone is actually reading what I write, but it is also a pleasure for me since I am interested in anything you have to say.

I respond to pretty much every comment. It's like a free personalized blog post!

One last detail: If you are commenting on a post more than two weeks old I have to go in and approve it. It's sort of a spam protection device. Also, rarely, a comment will go to spam on its own. Give either of those a day or two and your comment will show up on the blog.

Not so entertaining sort of legal exclaimer that seems wise to post if you think about it

I in no way speak on behalf of or in any way for the Library I work for, though if they would like me to I am sure we can come to an agreement.

My blog is not written or worked on during paid time and if it ever appears to be that is only for narrative umph and to reflect on my thought processes and experience as things happened.

Things here are fictionalized and obscured sometimes, and though I stand behind my portrayl of the spirit and feel of things it would be wrong to ascribe too much to a specific Library, event, or person.