Here at R0b0tninja I try to bring new synthesis and audio production techniques to the forefront of human liminal understanding, ignoring the bullshit and bringing only the juiciest gems for your consumption.

But I must make an exception in this one case: the Percussa audio cubes, midi controllers for such popular programs as Ableton Live and Reason, seem to your humble r0b0tninja the embodiment of an electronics retail industry run amok.Â I mean, what the fuck.Â Here’s the absolute greatest thing a site selling it has to say:

They look way-cool in a dark room. Physical interaction between the cubes. A very portable system.

Really? That’s why I’m going to spend 1300 US dollars? These things are proximity based midi triggers, finally bridging the world of boardgames to the world of music production.Â While I must admit a passing curiosity as to the inner workings of these wastes of space, I also can’t believe that anyone would find any real use for these chunks of stanky demon taint in the first place.Â Maybe if I wanted to impress a dozenÂ japanese teenage girls, I would buy these and play some jungle beats or something, smoke machine going strong, lasers blasting off all over the place.

In fact, forget about the jungle and the lasers.Â I’ll be the smoke machine, ladies.

Mankind will forever remain a mystery to me: the denizens of Japan have put into production 1/100 scale model replicas of the fearsome robo-beast, MechaGodzilla, in an obvious attempt to anger the MechaGodz themselves, bringing its wrath unto all enemies.Â For $800 you too can own a miniature abomination, a suitable idol for robot demons.

We robotninja both fear and worship the giant robot space-lizard, who is capable of so many things we can only dream of. As we all know, MechaGodzilla is made from indestructible space titanium alloy and is equipped with a powerful laser that fires from the mouth of a head that can rotate 360 degrees. The robot’s fingers and toes are actually deadly missiles, and hidden within the beast’s chest is, of course, the fearsome Maser weapon.

It’s only a matter of time before those Japanese start building 100/100 scale replicas.

Below are two images, each representing a distinct and unfathomable aspect of our reality: one is the theoretical universe as described by astrophysicists, the other is a neuron and its surrounding cells.

The R0b0tninja have known of these and many other parallels between thought process and the physical universe, such that would shatter your fragile human souls to know.Â Nonetheless, we too are astounded by the implications that these parallels present, (beyond their obvious applications in ninja-teleportation techniques), the nature of which remains a mystery even to us.

The US department of Energy at Oak Ridge has released this photo of its new, 284 unit supercomputer, stepping humanity’s computational powers up to my r0b0tninja standards.

Naturally, we r0b0tninja have been calcuating quadrillions of calculations per second a MILLION times a second, so you can only imagine the depths of our bemusement when we found out about this latest fledgling development.

You have now stepped over and into the void, mankind: what would once take the combined efforts of every man, woman and child on the planet 650 years to complete, a computer can now do in one single day…

R0b0tr0n offers exciting new careers in such fields as: multi-dimensional bomb- droppery, advanced turbonics, logistical metaphysics and diamond robotics. Come see which robots are right for you! Act now