Do you ever experience an event or a moment that shines a spotlight on something that you are struggling with? I mean really heightens your awareness of your particular issue.

Why Can’t I Be Happy

When you have a problem or stressful situation, everything seems tainted by the experience. Maybe you can’t sleep or you sleep too much. Or, a perfectly beautiful day pales through the lens of your struggle.

Moments with your family or friends offer only a temporary lift. You get right back on that treadmill of worry, sadness or emptiness. The juice of life is squeezed hard and dry.

I get that feeling. (If you suspect that you may be suffering from depression, check out the signs here.)

I am unemployed and as an older worker this economy doesn’t support those at the end of a career trajectory. I am launching new choices but in the meantime I still need to work.

Every day I feel the weight of the job search. Networking (calls, coffee, correspondence), scanning Linked In and at least three other boards. I recently decided to look to non-profits because I am interested in legacy projects that will have impact on society and this world. Profit making isn’t my highest criteria.

The Biggest Thief Is You

What I discovered through this process is that I am the one who lets the joy thieves in. I choose how I will live while I search for employment. I am the gatekeeper of my personal happiness.

While my situation is far from ideal, I want to experience every moment. Maybe that sounds crazy. But, I’d rather live my life fully in whatever circumstance. I am grateful for every day … if I allow myself.

Step Outside of Yourself For Perspective

While I have the opportunity, I have started walking with friend to get outside, connect, and exercise our dogs (and us).

It’s spring, so time to start the vegetable garden.

Last night I attended an A Capella performance as a fundraiser for a local food pantry, Danvers People-to-People Food Pantry. One of the tunes performed was the Superman song by Five For Fighting. It’s an old song but for the first time I really heard the lyrics. And, the words speak to me.

No, it isn’t easy to be me. Especially now. I am looking for those special things inside of me. And, it’s part of my story. My journey.