Denver’s West Side continues to thrive, and has yet to become entirely overrun by couples named Caleb and Ashley who spend too much time complaining about the size of closets in old houses. You don’t want to attend a festival packed with Calebs and Ashleys yakking about the qualitative differences between the Dish Network and Comcast, neither do I, so why don’t we head to the Taste of Highlands tomorrow, at 32nd and Osceola St.?

The event starts at 3 p.m., it involves lots of live music, you will visit the beer and wine garden, and tickets are $20 if you buy ‘em today; tomorrow they vault up to $30. The dough covers food and non-boozy beverages, but you’ll have to fork out more for those plastic cups of beer and wine.

I cannot, unfortunately, guarantee you will skirt a mildly intoxicated Caleb and Ashley arguing too loudly about whether to do Cabo or Puerto this year, a tiff that sluices into a reckless discussion about the sketchy marital state of their friends Cody and Brittany. If confronted with this sort of thing, please inhale deeply several times, consider the shallow foundation upon which their union rests – so try to feel a little empathy – and find the tequila.