TranscriptConan: Valentine's day.
What did you do for Valentine's day?
It just passed recently.
>> Went out to dinner.
It was one year I've been engaged so it was like a nice dinner for us.
Conan: OK.
So you went out to dinner.
What about you, jwoww?
>> Same.
Then Roger fell asleep.
Conan: does Roger like it that you go around telling everybody that you don't have sex and that he's a narcaleptic?
>> I'm turning it around.
Roger likes a joke.
With me it's the no-sex joke.
Now I'm going to be open with.
It if you're going to fall asleep half the time, maybe you could get it in.
Conan: OK.
>> And then -- no, and then --
[Laughter]
[Applause]
>> Stop it.
Stop it.
[Applause]
Conan: ladies, it calms me sometimes to look at the ocean.
>> I learned that guys think about sex every seven seconds so technically I would have had sex with him 15 times already on this show.
Conan: men do think about sex constantly.
That changes over time.
Over time it becomes other things.
>> Like what?
Baseball?
Politics?
Conan: no.
Like cheese products.
How am I going to swing a nap?
ANDY: where am I going to take the next nap?
>> OK.
Conan: it's all nap strategy with andy.
Ky just ask you one thing?
Both of you have -- you're very beautiful women.
You've got long eye lashes.
That is the look that you've decided to go with.
>> 24/7.
Conan: 24/7.
What does that do for you, the long eye lashs?
>> It makes us feel pretty.
>> I don't feel complete.
Even if my face is all done, I don't feel complete without my eye lashes.
>> DO YOU think we could put some eye lashes oun?
>> You would look sexy.
Conan: that size?
Sure, why not?
As you've now heard, my sex life is pretty crazy.
Oh, you're coming over here for this.
Wow.
>> We're going to go on the side of you.
>> Close your eye balls.
Conan: you don't close your eye balls.
You draw the lid over the ocular jelly.
You know that.
OK.
I'm becoming aroused.
All right.
>> Fabulous.
Good.
[cheers and applause]
>>gorgeous!
>> It's so great.
>> My work is definitely complete.
>> You look gorgeous.
>> I think your wife is going to love this.
Conan: this feels so right to me.
Andy, what DO YOU think?
Should I just commit to this every night?
ANDY: it looks like some goth budgeter flies have landed on your face -- butterflies have landed on your face.
>> You look so pretty.
[Laughter]
[Applause]
ANDY: that would be good to put on and go to the grocery store.
Conan: I'm going to wear these around town and hope someone takes a photo.
I'll be like, no pictures.
Leave me alone.
I want to have my privacy.
ANDY: I don't know, how fast was I going, officer?
I'll get out of more traffic tickets this way.
Can we swing a deal?