Thursday, September 30, 2010

(1) If I am definitely expecting a call from someone for a specific reason, or(2) If I see the name on the caller ID and it is someone I want to speak to.

If I do not see a name or recognize the number, there is about a 1% chance that I will pick up. Sometimes in these instances, the person is actually someone I want to speak to. If, in that case, the person leaves a message identifying himself (or, more likely, herself), I will make an effort to get to the call before he hangs up.

Sometimes I do not answer the phone because my hands are immersed in a cooking project. This happened yesterday. I was making a Good Neighbor Apple Cake, and I was at a point where I needed to stay applied. Shawn called me to let me know his progress on his drive home from PA. I would have taken that call if I could have, but I just couldn't.

Sometimes I do not answer the phone because I am in the laundry room, or vacuuming, or scrubbing the shower with the bathroom fan running. All of these activities preclude me from hearing the phone. If I am expecting a call back from, for instance, the doctor, I take the phone with me to these locations, or carry it in my pocket, but I refuse to be tied to the phone on a regular basis.

Often, I do not answer the phone because other people have removed the phones from their cradles and they are not anywhere that I can locate them to check the number to see if it is a call I would want to take. This is a fairly common occurrence at our home. Sometimes even if the caller starts to leave a message, and it is somebody I really would like to speak to, I still cannot locate the phone and I run around the house like an empty plastic grocery bag in a windy parking lot, unable to find any phone to answer. We did not have this problem back in the days when the receiver was attached to the phone by a curly cord.

As I mentioned earlier, 99% of the time, I do not answer the phone if I do not recognize the number. I figure that if it is a valid call (i.e. a call that is not a telemarketer or a politician or The March of Dimes or some other guilt-inducing charity), they will leave a message. The exception to this rule is when Jonathan is out with friends and I know he might be calling at a certain time. He does not have a cell phone (because we are mean parents), so he has to contact us via his friends' cell phones, or their parents' phones (which I guess makes us freeloaders, but I gladly loan my phone to his friends when they need it). So if Jon is out, and it is time for him to be checking in, and an unfamiliar number pops up, I do grab that call.

I do not enjoy talking on the phone. For one thing, my dogs have a tendency to bark when I am on the phone. This is like when I had little kids, and they were as good as gold until the phone rang, and then they became alien changelings who got into all manner of trouble, and it was even worse when they were quietly destructing something somewhere than when they were screaming. In fact, it is probably deep in my subconscious, horrible memories of acute trauma suffered when I was on the phone when my children were small, that makes me dread the phone today. I had no issues with the phone before I was a mother. I liked it. No more.

So, I just tell people to email me. I wish more people would email. These days, everybody uses Facebook instead. I have a terrible time focusing when I go onto Facebook to handle communications. I think, "I need to send Holly a message about those pictures." And I get on Facebook where I see that I have a bunch of notifications, so I check on them. I respond to a few, chuckle at a few, go to my homepage to see what is up with the world, get lost in somebody's youtube clip, and suddenly realize that an hour has passed and my toilets still need to be cleaned. So I run out of the study and start working on the toilets, only to remember, halfway into the job, that I never sent the message to Holly that I meant to send her in the first place.

This is my life as a ditz.

I am trying to develop a new habit. Before I go in to the computer, I tell Shawn the specific jobs I need to accomplish and how long they will take me, suppose 10 minutes, and then I say, "So, if I am not out of there in 10 minutes, can you please check on me?" The problem is, he is on his own computer and forgets to save me from mine.

Computer addictions are like food addictions. They are very tricky to manage, because you can't just go off them, 100%, the way you could if you were addicted to drugs or alcohol. You have to learn how to manage them. The modern world can be a hard place to live.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

A couple of years ago, my husband and I heard a currently fairly popular preacher declare, in defense of modern worship music, "In the olden days, we sang songs about God. Now we sing songs to God."

Shawn pondered on that for a long while. It stuck with him.

Once when my brother was visiting, we went for a walk, and Shawn related that statement to Paul and asked him, "Do you think God is more pleased when we sing about Him, or when we sing to Him?"

Paul never answers a question quickly. After walking in silence for awhile, thinking carefully and looking at the road, he raised his eyes and responded with slow, measured words, "I think God is most pleased when we sing about Him, to Him."

Modern songs are very simple. There can be great beauty in simplicity, but there is also beauty in intricacy. I think it is a grave sadness that many church members simply no longer possess the vocabulary nor the ability to interpret poetry that would allow them to comprehend the glorious truths expressed in some of the old songs.

I fear that in a number of the new songs (not all, certainly, but quite a few), we get so caught up in singing to God that we forget about who He is, and instead focus on our own feelings and actions: "I'm singing... " or "Here I am to worship, here I am to bow down, here I am to say..." And all of a sudden, what we think we are singing to God becomes mainly a form of self-expression for our own thoughts, feelings and ideas. If we are not on guard, our worship can quickly become all about us rather than all about God.

Here is a song that is about God, sung to God, in praise of His attributes. And it comes from 1 Timothy 1:17...

Immortal, invisible, God only wise,In light inaccessible, hid from our eyes,Most blessed, most glorious, the Ancient of Days,Almighty, victorious, Thy great name we praise.

Unresting, unhasting, and silent as light,Nor wanting, nor wasting, Thou rulest in might;Thy justice like mountains, high soaring aboveThy clouds which are fountains of goodness and love.

To all life Thou givest, to both great and small;In all life Thou livest, the true life of all;We blossom and flourish as leaves on the tree,And wither and perish -- but naught changeth Thee.

Great Father of glory, pure Father of light,Thine angels adore Thee, all veiling their sight;All praise we would render; oh help us to see'tis only the splendor of light hideth Thee!

Now that is a song we can sing to God, about Himself. I'm not sure that it's accurate about the angels veiling their sight as they adore Him, but other than that, I think it's a pretty wonderful expression of the magnitude of the Lord.

Friday, September 17, 2010

I tried a lot of things to get into a better mood. I even listened to a sermon online by my favorite pastor (Colin Smith) from my favorite book of the Bible (Philippians), and while it calmed me briefly, even that failed to have a lasting positive effect.

We had people coming over, which terrified me. How could I have people over when I was in such a mood? Finally, I went into my bathroom and just prayed. I asked the Lord to carry me, protect me, and particularly to protect the people around me from me.

The Lord is good and His mercy endures forever. That's all I can say.

I went to bed early. I told DJ, "This was a very bad day. I am ready for this day to be over."

DJ said, "Some days are like that. You just have to throw in the towel, go to bed, and hope for a better tomorrow."

Today my dog is really, really sick and I have to take him to the vet. But even so, I feel so much better than I felt yesterday.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

I cannot even remember the last time I was in a mood this bad. I feel like I hate everyone and everything, although I know I can't possibly hate everybody. At least, I hope the Holy Spirit in me would prevent that, even when I am at my worst. My bad mood feels like a belt that is too small being pulled around the waist of a person who is too big: a choking, squeezing, painful, humiliating feeling. It's sort of like the emotional equivalent to a horrendous case of food poisoning, and I am smack in the middle of it.

And I don't even have PMS, so there isn't even that hope of it passing in a few days.

I am in such a bad mood, I went to Wegman's today, and I thought, "Maybe I should buy myself some flowers. Maybe some flowers would cheer me up a little bit." So I went to look at the flowers. A dozen roses are $9.99 at Wegman's these days.

I looked at the flowers, and I hated all the colors they had to offer. Hated them. That's how bad a mood I am in today.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

First ObservationThose mothers who are all "Yay! Rah!" about the first day of school, the ones who wait all summer for it to happen so they can get their kids back on the school schedule, the ones who feel celebratory when the bus drives up... THOSE moms must be morning people. I am not a morning person. The school year is literally killing me.

Second Observation6' 1" is a very nice height for a young man to be. David is 6' 1", and sometimes I think he might feel just the littlest bit short, because Shannon is also 6' 1", Shawn is 6' 2", and Jonathan is 6' 3". But I think David is a very good height for a young man: nice and tall, while still readily able to find ready-to-wear clothing on the racks of most department stores. This is a good thing.

Third ObservationWhen we put in our current internet service, it was connected to our cable TV service. We have a bottom-basement cable package that enables us to get only 14 channels for something like $13 per month. Before the world switched to whatever it is that forces everyone to either get cable or buy some sort of interpreter box, my only motivation for getting cable was to cut down on the technological paraphernalia sticking out of my TV set. But I digress. The point I am trying to arrive at is this: we did not get enough channels to enable our internet service to work. Having never taken physics, I do not understand this, but it has to do with the bandwidth on our signal (I think). Anyhow, in order to actually hook up our internet, they had to give us some rogue channels, one of which is ESPN... kind of. And by "kind of", I mean that ESPN comes in black and white with no sound.

Now this is perfect, as far as I am concerned. We can watch Monday night football again, like we did before it went onto ESPN, but now it is blessedly SILENT. Also, the picture is just as good as the pictures on my parents' old black and white TVs that we used to have when I was growing up, so there is a sense of sweet nostalgia. Last night we had a cozy family time on the sectional in front of Monday night football, silent, in black and white. There was conversation, and homework got done, and Shawn poked away at work on his laptop, and I curled up with a massive volume of P.G Wodehouse and a cup of tea, and read while keeping a lookout for sightings of Michael Oher. Bliss.

Fourth ObservationYesterday I stayed off the computer except for about 5 minutes when I checked my email because Shawn told me (in a phone conversation) to look for something in particular. I stayed comepletely off the computer and did not visit Facebook even once, and yet I had an epically unproductive day. This is very discouraging to me. I hope I get past the jet lag that strikes me when the school schedule swings into gear. I am dying. Fibromyalgia is my nemesis. At one point yesterday, I just ached through and through... head, neck, joints, legs, and my eyes were as heavy as grocery bags with gallons of milk in them. Finally I staggered to the sectional in the family room and laid down with a blanket. This was, of course, the highlight of the day for the dogs. I was on my back with my knees up. Piper occupied my stomach, and Schubert slept on my feet. I kept telling myself, "Got... to... get... up...got... to ... get... something... done..." I felt like I had a 200 lb. weight spread across my entire body (of course, that might have been the dogs...). It was a chore to draw a breath. Finally, something changed, and I felt empowered to open my eyes and sit up. I thought it must be about 11 .a.m. It was 1:22 p.m.

Augh. I had approximately one hour and 20 minutes to get things done before Jonny would arrive home. I tried to spring into action, but it was more like a slow, painful lurch. I got some laundry switched over, tidied the kitchen, made the beds, folded the clothes, pulled a chunk of ground beef out of the freezer so I could make spaghetti for supper, and worked on the drain in the kids' shower (which is giving me fits). I am afraid that I am the laziest woman on the face of the earth. And that was a day with no computer. Sigh.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Dear Jesus, please help us all, and show us Your will for our lives. Please grant us each day the health and energy that we need to fulfill Your purpose and plans for our lives. In all that we do, help us to put You first, and may the desire to know You and to serve You keep us focused on Your beautiful face. Please help us to remember, in every trial we face, that is is not about us, it is about You, and it is Your gift to us of Yourself, Your presence and Your fellowship that we should seek above all else. As the enemy tries to discourage and distract us, please show us that You are stronger, You are greater, and You are sovereign. Lord Jesus, it is hard for us to face troubles and even just changes. Please help us as summer fades and fall comes, bringing busy schedules and stress to our children. Help us to trust You and to find Your will. Help us to be able to rest in You and please give us the peace that comes from confidence that we are walking in the ways You have laid out for us. Thank you that You are always with us and that nothing comes as a surprise to You, that nothing is frightening or overwhelming to You, nothing is too difficult for You. We lift every area of our lives us to You and say, "Daddy, please fix these for Your good purposes."

Thursday, September 2, 2010

1. Get Lu's things ready to drop off to Anne and Joe so they can take them to her when they go to Ohio. Fortunately, I bought the things I needed to buy (hangers and an umbrella) yesterday after dropping Jonno at marching band practice. This meant that I did not make tuna noodle casserole, but it was 95 and too hot to run the oven anyway.*****I did this. I actually did it quite well, I think.

2. Actually take Lu's things to Anne's house.*****Amazingly enough, I did this, too. I bought a new laundry basket because one of my old ones was falling apart. I was going to throw out the old one, but then I realized that it was the perfect size to fill with Lulu's things, and she can throw it away (or even keep it if she has any use for it). So at approximately 9 p.m. last night, I dropped off a laundry basket full of Lulu's stuff for Joe and Anne to take to her over Labor Day weekend. Yay for me.

3. Empty the clothes left in Lu's laundry basket into the bin I bought so that Shannon can have her laundry basket since I took over Shannon's for myself while she was in Chicago.*****I did this, too. It took about 2.7 minutes. I also (finally) finished unpacking from all our travels and put the suitcases and duffle bags into the basement where they belong. On the downside, I am pretty sure that I've lost my khaki capris forever,which is really too bad, because they actually fit me and were comfortable. They were one of my only pairs of capris that I could wear without a belt. I wonder if they are hanging on a hook in the bathroom of the bed and breakfast where we stayed in Evanston?

4. Organize the laundry room (OK that is probably way too ambitious, but it does sorely need to be done).*****No, I did not do this. To be perfectly honest, I did not really expect that I would. However, I did reorganize some cupboards, because I have lost the heartworm tablets for the dogs, the ones they were supposed to have four weeks ago now. I wonder how many cupboards I will have to reorganize before I find them? I am feeling rather sad about this.

On a brighter note, I went to the market in Bayberry yesterday and bought peaches, yellow squash and ginger gold apples. It was a hot, sunny day and I bought all yellow produce. I spent 11 of my 12 dollars. Lucky for me, the man knocked the price on the peaches down to $8 for the big box of them, rather than $10. Otherwise I couldn't have gotten the apples.

When I got back, the peaches were still very warm from sitting out in the hot sun most that 96 degree day (I went at 2:30 in the afternoon, so they had been out in the sun probably since 9 a.m.). At home in my air-conditioned house, I picked a peach from the top of the pile, a bruised one that I thought had better be eaten quickly. I rinsed it off and sliced it and popped a piece into my mouth. It was as warm as peach pie, and SO delicious. In the end, I ate four or five peaches yesterday. DJ says, "Well, we have a lot of them, and they are ripe, so we might as well eat them before they go bad." That's my boy.

Last but not least on my list for yesterday...

5. Pay some attention to Jon and his school schedule. With the craziness of getting the older three settled in their respective college situations, it can be easy to neglect the issue of Jon going back to school. It is familiar, after all, a familiar place, a grade that three of our children have already navigated, not a lot new. But it is new for him; he's at a new building this year, even. I need to remember him and let him know that he is special, too.*****Um, yeah. Jon spent the day with the youth group working on preparing a house the church owns for a new pastor the church just hired. After working, he went with some buddies from church to one of their houses to hang out, eat breakfast for dinner, and play basketball. I picked him up at about 6:10 in the evening, and rushed him home to get ready for his karate class at 6:45. As he was changing into his karate clothes, he casually mentioned that he didn't think he could stay for his second karate class because he had 10th grade orientation.

I cannot, honestly, explain the emotions I felt at that moment. Aghast is probably about as good a word as any.

I told Jon to go to karate, I would figure out how to get his schedule, and I had DJ drive him to his class. Then I called Jon's friend's mother who told me, "My son's orientation is at 7:30 tonight, but we are the last half of the alphabet. I think the first half of the alphabet was at 6:30." Well, by then it was 6:35, so in my sweaty clothes, no make-up, hair pulled back in a messy clasp, I ran out to the van (fighting tears because I am a total wimp) and raced to the high school. Fortunately , Jon is my fourth child and I know where things are. Unfortunately we have a new administration that is changing things up.

In the end, I got Jon's schedule, which is the important thing. At least, that's what I tell myself. I did not stay for the second presentation in the auditorium (having missed the first one). I hope this will not come back to haunt me. I needed to get home and make dinner. I was going to grill the chicken I had marinated. However, someone who grilled the last time left the jets on LOW, so the propane tank was empty. Some days are just like that. We tried to stir-fry it instead. We had stir-fried marinated chicken with yellow squash, red peppers and tomatoes, all topped with a sprinkle of parmesan cheese. Weird but tasty.

Today my goal is to stay home and not spend any money. I need toothpaste and evening primrose oil, but I am committed to figuring out how to make do. Anyway, I only have $1 left in my purse.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

I thought it was the last day of August today, but it is the first day of September. That's the way I am. I am usually behind, and I often miss things.

Today's list (not necessarily in order):

1. Get Lu's things ready to drop off to Anne and Joe so they can take them to her when they go to Ohio. Fortunately, I bought the things I needed to buy (hangers and an umbrella) yesterday after dropping Jonno at marching band practice. This meant that I did not make tuna noodle casserole, but it was 95 and too hot to run the oven anyway.

2. Actually take Lu's things to Anne's house.

3. Empty the clothes left in Lu's laundry basket into the bin I bought so that Shannon can have her laundry basket since I took over Shannon's for myself while she was in Chicago.

4. Organize the laundry room (OK that is probably way too ambitious, but it does sorely need to be done).

5. Pay some attention to Jon and his school schedule. With the craziness of getting the older three settled in their respective college situations, it can be easy to neglect the issue of Jon going back to school. It is familiar, after all, a familiar place, a grade that three of our children have already navigated, not a lot new. But it is new for him; he's at a new building this year, even. I need to remember him and let him know that he is special, too.