Roberto Mancini caught stealing players

The manager of mega-rich Manchester City FC, Roberto Mancini, has been caught stealing a professional footballer. Following his team's defeat against Manchester United on Sunday, Sir Alex Ferguson noticed a bulge in Mancini's thick, well-cut coat. Upon confronting him, Sir Alex discovered a confused Wayne Rooney tucked inside the coat, in the inside pocket.

Whilst Wayne was of course oblivious to what was occurring, believing the sun had set early, Sir Alex was furious and has demanded repercussions from the FA and the police.

Mancini has since been diagnosed with kleptomania - psychiatrists believe Mancini to be trying to fill a void in his life, namely that, unlike Sir Alex, Mancini has yet to find his own 'special' relationship with the Premier League referees.