Do or Don’t: The Super-Quick, Intense Courtship

Friday night, Erica and I met some of her friends at a bar, hoping to watch some suits watching the World Cup. But of course, the hour that is happy—happy hour, that is—fell somewhere in between games, so the crowd was thin.

Since there was no talent, the girls and I got into a deep discussion. One girl told us she had just ended a fling with the Senior V.P. at her company. Since they work in the same office and he is 45 years old, she had held him off for several months. Finally, she agreed to a casual coffee meeting. The day it was supposed to go down, they got slammed with work, so the meeting was rescheduled as an after-work drink. One thing led to another soon he was cooking her a 5-course meal at her apartment, and then he was flying her (first-class!) to San Francisco for the weekend. But now a month later, he runs in the other direction when he sees her at the elevators. Wtf?

“Any time someone likes you that intensely, they swing equally in the opposite direction,” she explained. “One weekend you’re going to San Francisco, and the next month, he won’t speak to you.”

Apparently, intense behavior is not sustainable. Justin called me 3 times a day, every day. I knew that wouldn’t last, but I figured it would go down to 1 call a day. But what was I thinking; it never slows to an even, stable pace. It just ends. Why is that?

This happens most often with Type A people. I never met a Type A person until I moved to NYC. Everyone in California is so laid-back, they would never be that gung-ho. Why are men here so intense? It’s like, self-sabotage. I guess we’ll know for next time. 5-course, home-cooked meals and first-class trips to S.F.? I’ll pass!

Have you ever had a super intense courtship that resulted in an actual relationship? Or do they always crash and burn?