It’s Your Journey. Independent Surrogacy a Better Way

We at It’s Time Surrogacy are well aware the cost of surrogacy is high, and many feel the agency fee is where they can save money in the long run. Though, we always strongly recommend using our full agency services to locate, screen, match and support your surrogacy journey from day one until your baby(ies) arrive we also know the cost of a full service agency is something that, at times, cannot be afforded.

If you are a surrogate, or an intended parent and want agency support to navigate the initial stages up through contract completion this is something we do offer. The advantage of this option is you are able to locate your own surrogate/intended parents, negotiate your financial arrangements amongst yourselves, but have the agency support during the crucial set-up phase. Having a solid foundation can make a big difference in an independent surrogacy match, and we want to help you.

Lastly, for those of you just exploring, or considering the independent surrogacy route we also offer consultation, and referral services. Learn more or contact us here for more information.

Be The Change You Want to See – The SEEDS Ethics Conference is a unique conference at a unique time.

February 26-27, 2016Long Beach, California

At this conference you will hear: • a debate about whether anonymous egg donation is ethical; • tips on how to avoid burnout and manage stress; • keynote speaker, Judith Daar, Chair of the ASRM Ethics Committee, who will walk us through ownership of the embryo at different stages; • a provocative discussion of the risks of surrogacy and what reasonable risks are in light of a recent surrogacy tragedy; • an update and explanation of the role of reproductive attorneys, highlighted by a discussion of nightmare cases and how to avoid them; • medical risks to egg donors and how to ensure informed consent; • a discussion of what happens after a surrogacy cycle—post-partum and administrative issues; • first-hand stories from donors and gestational carriers about their diverse experiences; • and first hand stories from adults in their 20s who were conceived through egg donation, telling us in their own words their thoughts, feelings and perceptions of their donor conceived families.

Join us at their cocktail party!-16 lunch round table discussions-Plenty of time for discussion and Q&A as well as networkingJoin us. Register here.

Infertility Experience

The Meltdown

Women, as we age, our reproductive hormones change and so it happened… I ultimately had to have fertility treatment to become pregnant with my youngest child. Never in a million years did I think I would need help becoming pregnant. I had served as a gestational surrogate, and even though I did not carry to term I had become pregnant when the odds were against me. I had also been an egg donor, and another family had a baby with my egg. I was so confused as to how at 24-25 years old we were not getting pregnant. Each month that I got my period I was angry. Each month getting more and more angry. I had become pregnant so easily at 18, and was watching those around me becoming pregnant. I remember being upset at my then sister-in-laws baby shower and stepping away to call her brother to have a minor meltdown. I yelled at him for forcing me to not only go, but to help with the baby shower. How could he be so mean?! Why did everyone expect me to be ok with this!? The truth was I wanted to help, I asked to help, I was excited there was going to be a new baby and I really loved my sister-in-law. I just needed to emotionally breakdown and my partner took it very well. He took the brunt of my anger, thank goodness.

Cycles

The first cycle we did, cancelled, I had overstimulated. The second cycle failed. Now I was sad. I remember being scared I would not have another baby. Up until that point I did not understand why people were so upset by second degree infertility, but now I knew. I had a dream in my mind and having a second child was definitely a big part of that dream. The third cycle the lab director came out and told me that the odds that I would become pregnant were very low, but to not give up hope because I would get pregnant. I appreciated her honesty.

Surprise

One week later…I felt like I was run over my a truck. My whole body hurt and there was not enough sleep in the world to make me feel better. I demanded a pregnancy test because, if I felt so awful and if I was not pregnant, I wanted medication. To my shock and surprise the Bhcg level was 16, and I figured the pregnancy would not continue normally because the level was so low. I was certain this was going to be a biochemical, and had my blood drawn two days later. If I remember correctly the second level was 64, and I still did not believe everything was going to be ok. I knew too much. I knew things could go wrong, and I was pretty sure it was going to end badly. The first ultrasound day was faced with serious anticipation and when I saw my little grain of rice with a heartbeat, I was amazed! We were thrilled, and I thankfully now have a great 16 year old son because of modern medicine.

Experience

Though facing infertility was something I was certain I would never experience, I am in a strange way thankful I did. I now know the world of infertility from all angles. First a surrogate, then a donor, and lastly a patient. Each experience and situation caused personal growth, and gave me the professional and personal experiences I need to care for intended parents, egg donors, and surrogates.

Egg Donation Experience

Back in my mid twenties, after being a gestational carrier, I was an egg donor. At the time, I had met the intended parents in the fertility center I was working for. They were patients of ours, in which I had interacted with many times and had witnessed their journey first hand. When they asked me to be their egg donor, I was shocked. I really had never given it any thought, until that exact moment. I sat silent for a few seconds and asked to consider it overnight. I went home, talked to my husband (at the time) about the request that had been made, and asked what his thoughts were. I had so many thoughts happening all at once.

Too Many Thoughts

Did I want to be an egg donor? Would I tell my child and future children if kids were born from the donation? Would I tell my family? What would my friends think? Could I give myself shots again? Did I want to go through shots again?

After a night of discussion, little sleep and support of my husband, I said yes to being their egg donor. We did not sign contracts, just consent forms, and there was not long term plans spelled out in those consent forms, but it was clear I would be undergoing medical treatment, and any offspring were not mine. I know that sounds shocking, and looking back on it, it is surprising, but thats how it was commonly done all those years ago.

The Process

I went through 3 cycles. Two of them successful and 1 cancelled. The first one had (I believe) 16 eggs retrieved, a successful pregnancy and the intended parents had frozen embryos in storage for future children. I was so happy for them, and I believed their outcome was perfect. When they returned to try for more children, the frozen embryos were not successful and they asked me to donate again. This time there was no need to have discussions or time to decide. I said yes, without a second thought or pause. Of course I would help them again! The second attempt at donation did not go as planned to say the least. There was a cancelled cycle, and then a re-attempt that only yielded 8 eggs, which if I remember correctly only went on to provide them with 3 embryos of mixed quality. I was so sad and worried they would not be successful and it would be all my fault. I think their case was by far the most stressful one of my career. I was sure to be in the transfer so I could watch it all and be there to support the intended mother. I waited for their pregnancy test results by bothering the lab tech over and over, and when the result came out I jumped for joy and begged to call the intended mother myself. Sharing that moment with her is a treasured memory, and is one of the best things I have experienced in my life. Thankfully they were able to complete their family with just those 3 embryos!

Success

This is where I learned no matter how bad it may seem, if you can have a transfer, you have hope. My entire egg donation experience changed my life, and how I cared for my patients. It also gave me a newfound respect for all the women who donate their eggs, and in the end I knew I would always be involved in third party reproduction. There is nothing better in this world than helping people complete their families in such a dynamic and selfless way.

Stay tuned next week to the last chapter of the story…Infertility Experience.

Gestational Surrogacy Experience

Hello, My name is Angela and I’m the owner of It’s Time Surrogacy and I was in fact a gestational surrogate. I didn’t carry full term but I still learned a lot of lessons.

Here’s my story…

I was about 21 years old. I do not remember exactly how my intended parents and I found each other but I think I answered an ad in the PennySaver. Yes, it was an independent match, something I have gone on to never recommend to anyone. For our first meeting I met my intended mother in a local cafe type restaurant and she was so nice and kind. We clicked, and I could instantly feel her renewed hope that was layered in a lot of pain. They had done a few IVF cycles on their own and many cycles with a surrogate that they were still matched with at the time. All the cycles had the same outcome, no baby to take home. As she shared her story I couldn’t believe someone had been through so much and still had not given up hope. I wanted to help them so badly, and we right then and there agreed to work together. I was medically screened and passed with flying colors. How could I not? I was 21, with history of 1 vaginal birth, and healthy. There was no psychological evaluation performed on me or them because this was an independent match and it was not a requirement back then. I was working in a fertility center, wise beyond my years and presented well, as did they. The contracts were drafted by the intended parents and I did not have my own legal representation. I know industry people are cringing right now, and believe me, I am too looking back. I read through the contract and everything seemed fine (I was naive), and they wanted to compensate me a few thousand dollars, which I was surprised it was so minimal. Not that I was doing this for the money, but I wanted to put money aside for my then 2 year old daughter for college. I choose to discuss the compensation with my intended father, an attorney actually, and he offered to have his brother-in-law invest the $5000 they wanted to pay me and hopefully get more money. I was a bit upset, but I really wanted to help this couple have their dream of a family. I wanted them to have a baby so badly that I signed the contract.

Embryo Transfer

We went through a few cycles and several embryos were transferred, which was very common two decades ago, and finally ended up with a miracle positive pregnancy test. We were all so excited!! The intended mother cried when she spoke to me, and so did I. Their dream was coming true… I thought.

The Loss

Sadly the pregnancy did not progress normally and I miscarried. The devastation I felt for my intended parents was something I have always kept in the back of my mind. Their tears, sadness, and disappointment washed over me and have always stayed with me throughout the decades. I truly believe that feeling that pain made me a better person. I underwent a DnC, and the intended mother and I never spoke again. I experienced not only the loss of the dream we all had together, but also the relationships we all had formed. Years later I found out the intended parents relationship ended in divorce as their family drama unfolded on the nightly news. I couldn’t believe what I was reading in the headline, and the sadness of my miscarriage darkened my mood.

Lessons

As I look back on my own experience, there are so many things I would have changed. I would have gone through an agency! There were not very many agencies up and running over 20 years ago, but I COULD have found one, and I SHOULD have. As a surrogate I would have had someone looking out for me, and the intended parents would have had someone supporting them as well. Overall my gestational surrogacy journey was life changing, and I am glad I was able to see it from the point of view I did. I have been able to share my thoughts and ideas with intended parents and surrogates alike. It gave me another tool and made me a better medical assistant, then IVF coordinator, and now an agency owner.

Stay tuned next week to the story continuation…Egg Donation Experience.

Beginnings

I have grown up in the fertility world, literally, my entire adult life has been spent helping those that cannot become pregnant without assistance.

It is hard to believe that when I began working in this field of medicine I was only 20 years old and had just become a teenage mom the year before. I really had no idea pregnancy was hard to achieve as I was a 4th generation teenage mom. You did not hear about IVF on the news, and characters on TV shows rarely, if ever, complained about having difficulty getting pregnant. There were not many famous personalities sharing their stories and women really were not taught that their fertility definitely has an end date.

Old School

The concept of assisting the gay male community was in its infancy. I remember the first meeting I went to where I, as an employee, was being told we would begin to help gay men become parents via egg donation and surrogacy. Thankfully, the center I worked for at the time was one of the more open minded centers. Ovulation predictor kits were fairly new on the market and they were a large step up from having the patients collect urine for 24 hrs to test for ovulation. Though, we all struggled a bit to read them and there were frequent discussions on colors of lines and were they darker or lighter, but they were welcomed. Retrievals were thankfully being done vaginally, with ultrasound guidance, but I have had the privilege/torture of witnessing ones that were done laparoscopically. (FYI: You cannot see follicles easily on an ovary without ultrasound, and the docs that did them that was are so very skilled!!!) All the injections were administered I.M, except Lupron and women did larger doses of Lupron than you see with fresh cycles these day. Just imagine the hot flashes and headaches brought on by daily 20 units of lupron. The “Gonal F/Follistim/Bravelle and Menopur” were “Pergonal and Metrodin” and they came in ampules that you opened with a tiny saw that was in the box with the ampule. Yep, that’s right, a tiny saw, we didn’t get to just snap them open or use a handy pen (this is my equivalent to walking up hills, both ways, in the snow, with no shoes). Picture the horror on the patients face as you were teaching them how to “saw open” their meds and having to assure them the glass shards would not make it into the mixture.

Embryo Transfer

The first embryo transfer I assisted in was done in the knee-chest position and I remember the doctor saying; “like dropping eggs in a basket” when he completed the transfer. I felt so bad for the patient, but she persevered and in the end she did end up pregnant with twins.

Uncertainly Certain

There is an uncertainty when dealing with human lives. Pregnancy rates were low nationwide and so more often than not, bad news was being delivered constantly. It was devastating every single time, and just like we all still do today, we cried with them. However, when we delivered good news the whole office would celebrate along with the patients and a sense of excitement filled the rooms.

Even though I was young, fresh into the business, I was certain I had found my place in the world. I loved the constant changing and advancing of reproductive technologies and I knew I was having an impact on the world around me. I am not sure 20 year old me would have guessed that 42 year old me would be writing this, but what I do know is that I still love helping people all over the world start their families.

Adoption

In honor of World Adoption Day.

When I first considered adoption I already had 2 biological children. I worried I would not know how to love children I did not carry. I worried they wouldn’t love me. I worried the kids wouldn’t love one another. How do you introduce children into a home where the family was established?

I worried.

Well, it all quickly came together. We went from a family of 4 to a family of 6 in 9 months time. We went from 1 talking child to 4 talking children. We went from 4 loads of laundry a week to 16 loads of laundry a week.

Life

Our world was turned upside down and was all of a sudden spinning faster than ever before. The days went fast, the nights even faster. The grocery shopping became a 2 cart event, and the holidays were louder, longer, and more exciting. Life was in hyper drive, and my senses were heightened. I was constantly counting 1,2,3,4 at every turn. I was truly afraid I would lose one. In all honesty, we did lose one, number 3, she disappeared in a department store. I had 911 entered into my phone, poised to hit ‘send’ when she happily came walking up with a store employee. Right then I knew it, she was mine. I wanted to hug her, and strangle her (not really, but you get the idea), all at the same time. I wanted to cry and jump for joy, while thanking the store employee. Now 14 years down the road the four love each other. They are all in different states, and yet 3 of the 4 are still close. The oldest is on his own life path, but I hope comes back into the fold, and I know when its time his siblings will love him, and welcome him as if no time has passed. When I told my youngest I was going to blog something for world adoption month he told me he forgot I was an adoptive mom. “Mom, they are just my brother and sister. I forgot you adopted them. I do not remember them not being around”, the youngest said. That makes sense, you see he was 18 months old when the 2 were adopted, he really has no recollection. The family is what it is, even if it has changed forms over the years, the core is the same. The adopted ones, are the same as the biological ones. They equally have driven me insane, I love them equally, they equally love each other, and they equally love me.

They are my kids. I am their mom. Parenthood has nothing to do with genetics, it all had to do with love.