The World Through My Eyes

After reading this topic many might think that I will blabber the same thing that the guys I dated had this issue or that issue but no, this is different. I have dated a heck lot of men but it did not work out. It has been 2 years since I have stopped dating and here goes the prime reasons.

Somewhere in Sardinia

Touch me Not: When someone likes someone (regardless of gender) and they date obviously they want to touch, kiss the other person. In my case, I do not like anyone touching or kissing. I do not even prefer holding hands. Leave alone in reality not even virtually (if you can understand what I mean). I know it sounds weird but I am not at all comfortable.

Being ‘Extra’ Sweet: Of course, people love when the other person is being sweet to them or wants to know all about them. I am ok with that but when it comes to texting or calling that too 24*7 asking “Honey, you had lunch”, “Honey had dinner?” honey this, honey that; I am NOT okay. C’mon give me a break! I do not think this is sweet, according to me this is stalking. I mean now if I have to go to washroom do I need to tell the other person. This is utterly a shit and I do not tolerate this.

Behavioral Change: I have noticed this thing in men and women both when they want someone they would do anything so that they like them back and once it happens all of a sudden they become way too busy. I understand people might have busy lives and my schedule is an example for the ones who know me but if someone really means something to you no matter how busy you are you will find out a little time for them. If you cannot give them your precious time better STAY AWAY! In my case even after warning for several times if I still see that the person is coming up with excuses, no matter how much I like him, I walk away.

Overly Possessive: We all know being a little bit possessive is alright, but overly possessive? Trust me, IT SUCKS…! During my college days, I was dating a guy who had a problem with whenever anyone called me over the phone and my call went on waiting mode, even if it was my dad. I was made to cut contacts with all my friends and I was not even allowed to talk to my girl-friends. Very soon he got on my nerves and I dumped him.

Do NOT tell me what to do: Just because someone is dating me or I am dating someone that does not give us the right to interfere in our personal matters or family matters unless asked for. Try doing this and you are straight out of sight and out of mind.

Don’t ask me: I expect people to understand me rather than asking me. Yes there might be misunderstandings but if I really care about someone I would clarify it or give explanation. If I dont care enough then, “Get lost dude”.

Why Me? : People change, I do agree with that but why do I have to call or text someone always. When they wanted me and my time, they never got bored with me or had time for me during ‘their’ busy hours but now no time? Isn’t it simply great? As one of my blogging friend Daisy, told me once, “If a man wants you, he’ll call, he’ll text, he’ll cross the oceans and be there for you. Everything else is just an excuse.”, this is very true. Darling, you expect me to do it then why can’t you?

So in my case whenever this happens I observe them for a week then solely stop contacting or I make sure that they just ‘damn’ leave. It hurts, yes but mental peace is way more important to me. But once again, of course, I am not cutting them out of my life, I just cannot hurt my self-respect anymore. I am there for them if they need me because I know them. I know a lot of people, I just don’t make friends.

Copyright: withlovemoni.com

See, I know I have issues and I accept them. All men are not as bad as often pictured, yes there are issues from both the sides and maybe we all are right from our own point of view. However, I always say that I am not good. Some say I am paranoid and some say that I may have an inferiority complex but I do not have any, I just accept myself the way I am. I can’t say sugar coated words, I can’t be pretentious. If that makes me bad then yes I am.

However, I also believe that if 2 people are meant to be together nothing can come between them. No matter how bad the time is or how much complicated you are.

So be you. Accept yourself the way you are. Love yourself with all your complications because believe me no one on earth can love you more than you can.

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135 Comments

Hey Moni,
Thank you so much for mentioning my comment from the other day. I love this post. Well, I love touching, kissing and holding hands but I feel the same about everything else. There’s no rush. You’ll find someone for you when the time is right. I’m also single for quite some time now and I’m not looking for anyone. I’m just enjoying my single time! Keep loving yourself.
All the best,
Daisy

It’s good to know yourself and the things you can accept in another person and those things which will make things fail in the end. It’s not that the other person is bad. It’s just knowing yourself and what you can accept in a relationship. Sometimes that means we end up single for a time. But it’s better that than force something to work for you which is obviously not working.

I thought I was the only one who doesn’t like to be touched! Guess not. I tend to agree with you on all points above. At this point in my life I find I would much rather be home with my cat then out socializing.

Yes I believe that if two people are meant for each other nothing can separate them, not even their differences. I would not do anything I dislike just because of love. If the guy cannot except me as I am than good-bye to him.

I think it’s very brave to admit all of these things and very useful too – realising what works and what doesn’t for you, even though it might mean getting a bit fed up with people etc.. nonetheless you might not have to stop dating all together? Don’t give up 🙂

I stopped dating for a while after a failed relationship and just focused on myself and worked out the reasons why I wanted a relationship at all. As soon as I stopped dating my husband came along and before I knew it I was back in the game!

It’s always good to know what you want and don’t want in a relationship. That way, when you do find someone who wants the same thing as you, you’ll know that maybe it’s a relationship worth trying 🙂 Do what makes you happy!

Hey great post! I can empthasize with a lot of what you say, there’s certainly no point in rushing things only to end it sooner than you would have wanted. And it takes the right person to understand that also!

HI.
I understand when you say that you have issues and you accept them, thats the most important stuff. We are all diferents and, no one has the right to judje you and your options. You are a brave person.

I also stopped dating so definitely, we can relate Moni. For me, I just don’t like it the possessiveness and being told what to do do. As an introvert and a loner, I’m seriously appreciating my singleness.

We all have our oddities and insecurities, you have yours too.I guess you just have not met the right person .I believe you should keep trying though as you never know when the right person may walk into your life.

I have been lucky to meet mostly decent guys when I was younger and went on dates. It’s been 6 years now since I found my soul mate and he came when I was not searching for anything. So first you need to love yourself, accept yourself and then love will come.

i guess it is all about timing and chemistry! i went through a lot of dates as well before i met my partner of 8 years now and even then, we still have some hiccups! it is a big ocean out there with plenty of fish!

I think the very first lesson you learned was to know what you like and understand yourself. That helps tremendously in relationships.
Too often people try too hard and I see the behaviors you mentioned in that light.
I agree, I don’t want to be controlled. I want to be appreciated.

I am glad that you know yourself, being in the relationship, two parties have to be true to each other. I used to have a girlfriend that very possessive. At that moment, I thought that I love her, I accepted everything she decided. But then later, I realized that I just reshaped myself to be the way she wanted me to be and I wasn’t happy. Two years after, I fed up.

Very interesting post, and something that everyone needs to stop and think about whether in a relationship or not. Unless you know your own self and know what you want or like then you can not have a really honest relationship with anyone else. But most importantly be you not what you think someone wants you to be

Your friend Daisy is very wise and actually said exactly the same thing a man told me many years ago. My grandmother had a saying ‘elke pot het ‘n deksel’ translated as ‘every pot has a lid’ and I must agree with her. There is someone for you and all the rejects are just you trying to find the lid that fits.

I remember back when I was single I never dated. NEVER. Then one day I was like, um, GiGi, are you planning on being single forever because yeah, this is how you get there. So I downloaded TINDER. There were of course a lot of DUDS on there but also back when I was on it, it wasn’t as SKETCH as it supposedly is now. And I have to say, I am thrilled I was on there because well, my husband and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary yesterday!

That’s a very interesting post, Moni. I don’t think I ever consciously stopped dating for a time, it either happened or it didn’t, I suppose. I can totally understand where you are coming from here though, and you are right, if it’s meant to be, it will be.

This post is great because we tend to lose ourselves in relationships. I am very fortunate to be dating a male version of myself who respects that I am not touchy-feely and I am not needy. He knows that I am not at his beckon call nor will I update my every move and I give him the same respect. Do you and what works for you!

It’s good that you understand your likes/dislikes and what your tolerance levels are. I’m a touchy feely person but I’m also an introvert and require my space very often lol. This may be seen as moodiness, but it’s not, and it takes someone who understands you to realize that. Obsession isn’t healthy in any relationship but you don’t have to tell them when you’re going to the bathroom lol. Just things like travelling plans or whatever might also affect them to, and it goes both ways. No one wants to date people they cannot be free with.

Yup! I am the exact same way 🙂 A lot of the points you made above really resonated with me. I have found that I am much happier single, than I am in a relationship. I like complete freedom in my life, and I won’t find that in a marriage or in a relationship.

It’s really your choice whether to date or not, and I do somehow understand your point here. If you are living your life productively you are busy enough then you don’t necessarily need someone to always be with you.

Dating can be very challenging for people especially if they have an unique personality. The key is just to wait until you find that right fit of a person. Sometimes it may take just getting to know someone over an extended period of time before you date.

I think people need to be honest with themselves and what they want from a relationship. If you know this (and you do) then the right relationship will come when you meet someone who meets you expectations.

Well, you do sound like me lol. I haven’t dated for almost 3 years now and i am at the stage where i have come to fully accept that being with someone for the long haul is not for everyone lol. I am the type that usually goes into a relationship with body, soul and mind. Fully committed but i seem to never get what i put in back so why bother.

But like you concluded, i believe there is one person out there meant for you and that no matter the circumstances, it will work out. I hope we all find that someone.

I totally understand everything and we have the same issue when it comes to dating. I don’t like a person who is too sweet and possessive but I also understand that you can’t please someone to act depends on what you want.

While i understand some people love the term, I cannot stand being called ‘Honey’ either! Its is a fluid sticky substance secreted from a stinging insect! Haha! Good for you for taking charge. Stay true to your values xx

I used to feel exactly the same. I was quite closed off when it came to affection as it’s something I just didn’t really like, that was until I met my partner out of the blue when I wasn’t even looking. I think when we find the right fit it works and you don’t have to date, knowing yourself and loving yourself comes as a priority x

It’s been a while since I was on the dating scene as I am happily married to my bestie! But I think it’s good that you are taking time out to focus on yourself. You will meet your someone when the time is right. 🙂

I super love your post Moni, thank you for sharing. I agree with you dating is not easy and requires a lot of compromises but it also has its advantages. It is really great that you know yourself that well, it is an amazing starting point.

I have noticed over the years that one of the secrets to a successful relationship is understanding each other’s love language. Gary Chapman wrote an amazing book called 5 love languages and it has been a genuine way to help not only couples but also understanding your children as well.

Thank you for your honesty. Every one of us look for that perfect relationship, which of course, does not exist. I respect your views and I know that being alone does not mean being lonely. Maybe in time, the right one will come along.

I believe if you are meant to be no man can separate you at all. It’s good to take the time to get to know you first before getting into a relationship. When the time is right the right person will come to you

I enjoyed reading this. As long as you are happy, it doesn’t matter whether you date or not. It sounds like you want a mature relationship if you were to have one. I like your point at the end – if two people are meant to be together, they will be together. when you find who you are meant to be with, you’ll know.

Dating is definitely something to truly think about and to make sure that you are 100% ready. Thank you so much for sharing your story and your honesty. This can and will reach someone who really needs this read. Love your blog!

Wow! Great and honest post! I hate it when guys try and tell me what to do and get possessive. I’ve never found that perfect relationship, but I did find my best friend whom I’ve been married to seven years this next March. It’s crazy how things work out.

I love your rawness and pure open honesty!! I completely agree with everything you say. If two people are meant to be together nothing will stand in the way, and that includes their flaws. Keep being you!!

Singledom is bliss… I know. But all the changes you mentioned that appear when people are dating come naturally. Its fun if its organic. Not so much fun when you do it for peer pressure. Wish you find someone soon to do all these stupid things. Best of luck :slightly_smiling_face:

Dating is hard these days, people have changed so much over the years and finding someone nice today seems a big hustle. You have your reasons why you stopped dating and hopefully, this will inspire others as well to take it easy with all the dating bubble.

I do agree that you have to love yourself first and foremost and I too have had some bad relationships but my husband now is the best and one day you will find that person for you. I am very independent and do not like public displays of affection… although my husband does…. but he respects my decision and leaves it alone because it is just… ick…. when I see people making out In the grocery store. Anyway… loved your post and I always enjoy your posts 🙂 Thank you!

Being a very independent person myself, I can respect your views. It is very important to be self-aware and know what you want and what your boundaries are. Taking a break sounds like the best thing to do, when the time comes, it will feel right for you.

I hope I will be with my husband forever because I could have the same problems with dating other men. I believe in the same thing as you ‘if 2 people are meant to be together nothing can come between them’ Maybe one day you will find your second half who would accept everything that’s ‘different’ in you