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Nota Bene

Our modern relationships have nothing to do anymore with the one our grandparents, or even our parents went through. Years of fights for equality have completely changed the relationships between men and women. Sometimes for the best, sometimes for the worst.
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Exploring the highs and lows of relationships

How you feel is the most important

We all look for advice in our love life, because love isn’t taught in school. There’s no guide to it. Only trials and errors.

Wisdom would advise us to stay away from relationships where we don’t feel well. With my ex-boyfriend, I felt diminished and not beautiful, because he never gave me any compliments, and criticized my choices all of the time. He criticized the book I’m currently writing, saying its pitch was too “simplistic”. I saw him liking female pictures on Facebook while he never liked any of mine. He never had a kind gesture toward me, like holding my hand in public, or a gentle stroke. He even told me I had a strange posture and that I should go and see a doctor. The list is long.

I don’t think this will change over time. I think my negative feelings when I was with him will never change positively. I told him I felt on the defensive all of the time with him because he criticizes me a lot, and is judgmental. But he replied I should have asked his friends because he’s not judgmental at all. If it was the case, why his friend waited a long time before telling him she was a lesbian, while all his other friends were already given the news?

There’s no perfect relationships, because we are not perfect. There are no obstacles to having different personalities in a relationship. The key is the feelings you have for each other. If something tells you inside that you should leave, if you don’t feel beautiful when you’re are with someone, if you feel diminished, not appreciated for what you are, it’s the sole indicator you should pay attention to.

This is especially true after you had sex with your partner. If you feel like shit afterwards, this isn’t the sign the relationship is healthy.