Mama. It sounds like you and I were dealt very similar hands. My first was born at the hospital and was fine, my second was born at the hospital and it was also TERRIBLE! To make a long story short I was assaulted (yes the legal definition of assault) and developed PTSD as a result. My first year with dd, as a result was also terrible. For the most part my PTSD was treated but it still rears it's ugly head from time to time and I have to really work at keeping it at bay at times.

DH and I always knew we wanted more then 2 children. After dd though I knew I would never plan on delivering in a hospital again. It was either find other options or change our life plans and have no more children. I was never a homebirthing type before that point but the research I did (LOVE henci goer's books) was really eye opening. When I would say these things to DH he would also get mad. He was pretty upset with how I was treated at the hospital too. He didn't want to see me go through that again(and I don't think he wanted to go through me with PTSD again either poor guy ). We learned together and made the homebirth decision together as well.

I know men feel vulnerable at their wives time of birth and all that. I would never feel comfortable making that decision without my DH's support but ultimately my comfort is #1. If I'm not comfortable then both baby's and my health is at risk. It concerns me that your DH won't even look into a homebirth that to me is very disrespectful. You should look out for your DH but IMHO you and baby come first. If your anything like me there is no way that I could go into a hospital delivery situation, with a healthy pregnancy and not have some serious stress related complications. Now if I had to have a hospital delivery due to complications then that is a different situation that I could be slightly more comfortable with.

Sorry but I find this post in incredibly bad taste. The OP asked for suggestions and ideas not a bashing on homebirth. You do realize that many of your points could be said about hospital birth as well right? (because Mom's die there too, which is probably why our maternal mortality rates are so abysmal).

And a big huge to the last bold comment. Because your decision to homebirth is the only informed & professional decision that you could make, right? This poor Mama already has a lot of anxiety in the cards she was dealt with, she doesn't need people making it worse. If you are so for hospital births why not offer her some ideas for feeling more comfortable in a hospital? There are many different birthing options (though some are hard for many to come by) and women have different needs and therefore come to different conclusions as to where to birth their babies. All should be respected. Women shouldn't feel judged on any side for their birth choices. IMHO It's a lack of choices that has made the system in this country so bad.

My advice wasn't meant to be offensive and I apologize to you and anyone else who found it offensive. Yes, I realize that women and babies die in hospitals too, but hospitals are fully equipped to deal with the complications that can arise. I realize that an experienced midwife will also have tools at her disposal but they cannot do as much as a hospital can, and that is all I was saying. I realize that you are coming from a place of trauma related to a hospital birth but you should also recognize that assault is not a normal part of a hospital birth. Additionally, I didn't mean to imply that midwives aren't knowledgable, because they are. But as The Business of Being Born pointed out, doctors are trained to deal with the big stuff while the nurses know a lot about how to handle things when they're going normally. When I delivered at the hospital, the nurses did 90% of the work and I felt very confident in them. But I like having a physician, OR, full range of meds, etc immediately available in case they are needed. There is nothing wrong with homebirth if everyone involved makes an educated decision and feels it is best for them. But there is also nothing wrong with hospital birthing if everyone involved makes an educated decision and feels that it is best for them.

My advice wasn't meant to be offensive and I apologize to you and anyone else who found it offensive. Yes, I realize that women and babies die in hospitals too, but hospitals are fully equipped to deal with the complications that can arise. I realize that an experienced midwife will also have tools at her disposal but they cannot do as much as a hospital can, and that is all I was saying. I realize that you are coming from a place of trauma related to a hospital birth but you should also recognize that assault is not a normal part of a hospital birth. Additionally, I didn't mean to imply that midwives aren't knowledgable, because they are. But as The Business of Being Born pointed out, doctors are trained to deal with the big stuff while the nurses know a lot about how to handle things when they're going normally. When I delivered at the hospital, the nurses did 90% of the work and I felt very confident in them. But I like having a physician, OR, full range of meds, etc immediately available in case they are needed. There is nothing wrong with homebirth if everyone involved makes an educated decision and feels it is best for them. But there is also nothing wrong with hospital birthing if everyone involved makes an educated decision and feels that it is best for them.

Sent from my iPhone using DS Forum

Assault in hospital is more common in hospital than you realize. Forced c section is also assault. The doctor used threats of reprisal towards my midwife/mother to get me to consent to a section. He also lied to me telling me I was failing to progress. This was when my mother checked because I was having string urges to push. The nurses wouldn't look at me when they agreed with the doctor. He did later admit to lying as well. I do think the doctors came close to losing my son. Because I had been close to crowning they had to try to pull him back up. It typically does not take 3 people to deliver a child via csection. Nor should his neck be stretched or his arms, neck, and back be so bruised I could still see signs of it at his 4 month checkup. He had knots left on each arm for a long tine after identifying where the doctors thumbs were imprinted. My first child was in distress when she was delivered by emergency csection. Her apgars were better than my son's who prior to surgery had shown no signs of distress.

As for hospital delivery versus home delivery I think k owing and TRUSTING your doctor/midwife is more important than where you choose to deliver. I also think the mother's comfort should be top priority not the father's. Not that his comfort level isn't important but it is the mama who is delivering this baby. Lack of comfort on her part can lead to difficulties during labor.

As for hospital delivery versus home delivery I think knowing and TRUSTING your doctor/midwife is more important than where you choose to deliver. I also think the mother's comfort should be top priority not the father's. Not that his comfort level isn't important but it is the mama who is delivering this baby. Lack of comfort on her part can lead to difficulties during labor.

I forgot to add I agree with a pp who mentioned research. The more you know the more your doctor/midwife can answer for you ahead of time. This can build trust that in the event there isn't time(rare I know but does happen on occasion) To consult you, you know in your heart they are doing what is best for you and your baby.

I would love a home birth but because of my individual circumstances this is out of the question. I am willing to go as far as I need to to find a Doctor I can trust. For us that means traveling 1 1/2 hours to St.Louis for the doctor I loved. She didn't always say what I wanted to hear but she did give a creditable reason for her opinion. I trust her to do what is needed to deliver my child safely. She is currently the ONLY doctor I can say this for.

I think you are going to get many different answers considering you are about 1/3 in each of your voting categories. I think trying to do home birth research with your hubby will help him keep an open mind. Watch Business of Being Born and Pregnant in America (both on Netflix) and ask him to please go talk to a home birth midwife with you and bring his own questions. My hubby thought I was crazy the first time I brought it up but slowly he came around. I think what helped him the most was asking his own questions to our midwife.

__________________

A crunchy wife to B and momma of identical twin girls G & E, our rainbow
baby C born at home April 2013 and R forever in my heart.

You have to be at low-risk to be qualified for a homebirth, as what another mama says here.

cord wrapped around neck is pretty common in birth and ive known plenty of morbidly obese women who have had homebirths (one even had twins) most OB's would consider their weight high risk. it's at the discretion of the midwife who takes on clients what they consider high risk

Honestly, I've got to be open to both since we're a family prone to wandering all around the country

If I have access to a CNM and I am low risk, yada yada yada, I'd never birth anywhere but home. I've always felt a really strong desire to do so.

However, if no CNMs were available, I would skip the home birth. I would perhaps consider making an exception and hiring a CPM who had a nursing/EMT degree, 20+ years experience, etc. but that's unlikely to happen.

In that case, I'd move up the chain of my preferences. Next would be a free-standing birth center. After that would be a birth center attached to a hospital. Hospital would be last on the list, again, assuming all was well in the pregnancy.

I voted "open to both". But actually, for me personally, the safest place is out of the hospital. I have had two hospital births, one birth center birth, and am planning another birth center birth. I would do a homebirth in a heartbeat if our insurance covered it, but it does not. I am "open to both" in the sense that I realize some people should be in the hospital or that some people are able to have very safe births in the hospital with the right OB/midwife at a good hospital.

Incidentally, I hemorrhaged badly at my second birth (in the hospital) and I actually think I would have been safer had I not been in the hospital. A midwife would have been paying more attention to me and caught it much sooner giving us more time to stop it. By the time I got a hospital nurse to pay attention to me, it was almost too late. If I hemorrhage again, I'd rather be in the birth center with my wonderful midwives there.

__________________
Catholic wife to the very best hubby in the world and mama to four boys:
John-Paul, William, Oliver, and Teddy.

I was not open to home birth until recently. Not that I think that people shouldn't birth at home, but that I was not comfortable with the idea for myself. My first's birth was horrible, my second's birth was not exactly what I wanted, but much much better than my first. Now that I know I can deliver vaginally and the kind of silly resistance I had from the hospital, if we were having a third child, which we're not planning to I would go with a midwife assisted home birth. It seems that if I want my births to go my way, that's the way to do it. There are no birth centers up here yet, the province just got the go ahead to start building them, but AFAIK they havn't even announced where in the province they will be.