Tag: XARM

We don’t mean to judge a book by it’s cover, but when that cover is a 327 lb man who goes by the name Tater Williams, it’s safe to say that he will more than likely end up on the wrong side of a knockout. Scratch that. If anything, a 327 lb dude named Tater Williams should most certainly end up on the RIGHT side of a knockout. His name is freaking TATER FREAKING WILLIAMS, and he uses catchphrases like “Five of these across the sneeze,” and “You’re gonna get ‘that’ about 147 times” in between asthmatic gasps for air. “That” being the aforementioned sneeze punches. Throw in the fact that Tater is apparently “a really great athlete” who has studied judo, wrestling, sambo, and had a high school wrestling record of 226-12* and not only is Tater suddenly looking like a well-rounded Goliath, but one who could demolish the likes of Junior Dos Santos, Cain Velasquez, and Alistair Overeem. At the same time. While in a diabetic coma.

Sadly, things do go quite according to plan in the next chapter of the XARM saga (but have they ever, really?), a sport so hilariously misguided that it really makes you yearn for the subtle nuances of wheelchair MMA. In today’s contest, Tater finds himself matched up against the slightly-slimmer Bond Laupua (I swear to God I am not making these names up), who is quick to admit that “I don’t really have a strategy” heading into the fight. The announcers inform us that Tater’s gameplan was to gain weight. HOW DID HE LOSE THIS.

Join us after the jump to see two bears wrestle over a jar of honey until one falls down.

In MMA, as in life, you never want to leave it in the hands of the judges. The same rule applies for the absurd parody of a combat sport known as XARM. Up until now, we’ve just thought that XARM involved two guys swinging wild haymakers at each other with their hands tied together, but it turns out that you actually can win or lose by pin — just like in real arm-wrestling. And James Irvin recently learned that the hard way during his depressing promotional debut against XARM veteran Fred “Big Cat” Steen.

Steen successfully pins Irvin’s arm in rounds one and two, meaning that Irvin needs a knockout in round three to win the match. And while the Sandman lands some good shots in that final frame, Steen spends much of the third round hanging back (literally), stalling his way to a decision win. Honestly, these goddamned point-fighters are ruining the sport.

Irvin won a pair of fights for Gladiator Challenge earlier this year, both by first-round stoppage. In fact, the Sandman hasn’t seen the second round of a fight in five-and-a-half years, making him an ideal fit for XARM’s “Roughest 3 Minutes In Sports” mentality. But there’s no way he’s getting out of this thing unscathed. It’s James Irvin, for God’s sake. Shattering his wrist or orbital bone would be a best-case scenario. Something freaky is going to happen, I just know it. Damn. Am I going to have to watch this fucking thing now?

XARM’s next event will be filled out by the participants of an upcoming reality show that will air on the Machinima network, in which XARM hopefuls are put through a three-day training boot camp. The promotion is still looking to fill nine spots for the show, and is accepting fighters ranging from 145 to 265 pounds, including female fighters. If this sounds like a good use of your time, hit up Tedd Williams at teddewilliams@aol.com. Please, no point-fighters or game-planners.

Have you ever been watching an MMA fight and found yourself thinking, “Yeah, this is cool and all, but I wonder what it would be like if these dudes were strapped to a cocktail table and had zero training”? Well, today is your lucky day. Freshly resurrected from the MMA graveyard is “XARM”.

XARM is the brainchild of Art Davie, one of the the UFC’s original co-founders. In its first incarnation, XARM nearly usurped MMA as the next “evolution of combat sports” before abruptly calling it quits, but now the ‘extreme arm wrestling’ league has returned and is poised to take over once again.

Have you ever been watching an MMA fight and found yourself thinking, “Yeah, this is cool and all, but I wonder what it would be like if these dudes were strapped to a cocktail table and had zero training”? Well, today is your lucky day. Freshly resurrected from the MMA graveyard is “XARM”.

XARM is the brainchild of Art Davie, one of the the UFC’s original co-founders. In its first incarnation, XARM nearly usurped MMA as the next “evolotion of combat sports” before abruptly calling it quits, but now the ‘extreme arm wrestling’ league has returned and is poised to take over once again.

A while back we all had a good laugh over the idiotic spectacle that is XARM, the brainchild of UFC co-creator Art Davie that meshes arm-wrestling with MMA punching people and is somehow even dumber than it sounds. We were content to let it go, then we saw this, a blog post by Davie declaring that MMA has “lost its way” and the UFC has “de-evolved.”

Normally we’d ignore this kind of cry for attention, but it’s just too good and we love mocking things waaaay too much. For example:

I was the guy who started this sport [ed. note: bullshit] and let me say, for the record, that I love MMA. But, I’m not the only one or the first one to say that the MMA seems to have has lost its way. MMA, and specifically the UFC, have stopped delivering the kind of extreme fighting sport that fans have come to expect. Some are saying now that the UFC has de-evolved. First it was a spectacle, then it gained acceptance as a sport and now it’s back to being a spectacle.

Do you know what today is? Yes, it’s Wednesday, November 19. But in the history books it will be remembered as the premiere of the XARM Heavyweight Championship. Finally!!!

For those of you who missed our earlier mention of XARM, where we appropriately grouped it with dudes breaking things and a monkey doing pushups, XARM is the brain child of UFC co-creator Art Davie. It’s also pronounced “ex-arm,” though I admit I’ve been calling it “zarm” when mocking it to my friends and family. But now they’ve put together their own heavyweight tournament, premiering today on Ripe TV, complete with several XARM “Boot Camp” episodes. So basically, I’m in no danger of running out of material for mockery.

The idea of XARM is that it combines arm wrestling (which, let’s face it, peaked in popularity with “Over the Top”) and a really lame, stationary version of MMA. The two men are tied together, sometimes with duct tape, then they punch each other wearing MMA gloves. If that sounds like the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard, then congratulations, your brain works properly.

It’s time for a look at the weird, wild, wacky side of martial arts. First is the above clip of a XARM (Xtreme Arm Wrestling) match, where two competitors have their hands taped together, then proceed to beat each other senseless. I think the goal is still to pin your opponent’s arm on the table, but as you’ll see, that’s not quite how it plays out. The saddest part is that one of the dudes behind this spectacle is Art Davie, one of the co-creators of the UFC. Christ, even Bob Meyrowitz laughs at this guy. I feel bad for those XARM’ers wrists. And their mothers, of course.

Meet Craig and Paul Pumphrey, stars of G4′s upcoming series Human Wrecking Balls. Both are members of the International Karate and Kickboxing Hall of Fame, and both enjoy breaking shit with their bare hands. My favorite part of this promo clip is 0:36-0:39, where the dude just straight-up runs through a wall. I thought that only happened in Kool-Aid commercials. Oh yeah!