CollegeHumor: Nick Griffith Contributionshttp://www.collegehumor.com/user/454738
Funny Videos, Funny Pictures, Funny Links!/post/6376176http://www.collegehumor.com/post/6376176/best-way-to-break-up
Tue, 28 Dec 2010 15:40:31 -0500/post/6376176http://www.collegehumor.com/post/6376176/best-way-to-break-up
Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 -0500<p><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/11/52/c552e8ede14acb50c5530dbe39e0b03d.jpg" /></p>
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/post/6323271http://www.collegehumor.com/post/6323271/pug-pirate
Tue, 26 Oct 2010 18:02:11 -0400/post/6323271http://www.collegehumor.com/post/6323271/pug-pirate
Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 -0500<p><img src="http://2.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/37/25/9344368a1e6d7b88b0f44a603d68ed0d.jpg" /></p>
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/post/6298351http://www.collegehumor.com/post/6298351/sportscenter-misspelling
Mon, 27 Sep 2010 13:19:33 -0400/post/6298351http://www.collegehumor.com/post/6298351/sportscenter-misspelling
Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 -0500<p>At least they didn't leave out only the "o".</p><p><img src="http://2.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/40/49/f3d56c2411fcb15aba5619fd5e7269ba.jpg" /></p>
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/post/6212648http://www.collegehumor.com/post/6212648/buzzed
Mon, 12 Jul 2010 03:10:04 -0400/post/6212648http://www.collegehumor.com/post/6212648/buzzed
Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 -0500<p>Welcome back Entourage fans! After waiting many long months for the new season, we were deprived of a new episode last Sunday so we can drink massive quantities of alcohol and experiment with explosives; also celebrate America, or something. Anyway, we&#039;re back and it looks like Vince has started his awkward phase about 20 years too late.<br />
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While on pain meds from his stunt accident, Vince decides it would be an awesome idea to cut his own hair. He also mentions during an interview that his new movie currently in production will probably suck. I suppose every celebrity is entitled to their own change of persona at least once.<br />
<div class="media"><div class="embed center"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/75/47/collegehumor.49d0ae6bcd0dba0c866f3ecdbc59e78f.jpg" width="290" height="199" /></div></div><br />
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Meanwhile, Turtle believes he his dealing with some embezzlement from a disgruntled ex-employee after his credit card is declined after a $10,000 charge was made at Tiffany&#039;s. As it turns out, Alex used the credit card to buy his mom a gift for $1,000 but the store accidentally added an extra zero. I still consider Turtle lucky for not being in a court room right now for sexual harassment from his earlier debacle with her. Now just for fun, here&#039;s a hot ass picture of her:<div class="media"><div class="embed center"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/31/45/collegehumor.7a4f8a35a9014f3efc58001c182418e8.jpg" width="290" height="434" /></div></div><br />
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<br />
Drama is currently in hot pursuit of his next big project after getting shafted out of his earlier deal. He employs E to help him read through scripts and distracts him from his biggest priority, to keep Vince from acting like a total dipshit. Vince becomes bored at E&#039;s office, which is understandable since he could have sex with anything within a 1000 mile radius with a crack of a smile, but I digress. He gets duped into going sky-diving with part-time manager/full-time douche bag Scott Lavin. Lavin sees it as the perfect opportunity to steal E&#039;s number one client away and to have one more thing to brag about at the spray-tan salon.<br />
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Between Vince&#039;s recent behavior and exposure from interviews and paparazzi at the strip club, he may be getting a brand new reputation, one that doesn&#039;t necessarily sell movies.<br />
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Now on to Ari, who has been working hard to sign the <span class="caps">NFL</span> so he can sell out their television rights. He meets with Cowboys&#039; owner Jerry Jones and absolutely wows him, not without the help of the new apple of my penis, Lizzie Grant.<div class="media"><div class="embed center"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/79/28/collegehumor.4c9b017044adce92bce6b58c2ba37037.jpg" width="290" height="217" /></div></div><br />
Lizzie charms the football executives with her sports knowledge as well as two other strategically placed assets. Her and Ari naturally both become invested in this deal and seem to grow closer together. Ari gets a call back from Jerry, who regrets to inform him that he will not get the deal, but instead he will be offered to own a new football team that will be coming to LA. In celebration of this, Lizzie and Ari share a hug and a dance just as Mrs. Ari walks into his office. So it looks like Ari is on the rocks with the Mrs., but that will give him more time to watch football, right?<br />
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My predictions for the rest of this season: Vince will struggle with finding who he is and jeopardizing his whole career in the process; Turtle will struggle with the conundrum of owning a business filled with hot women but not being able to fill them up with his business; E will struggle with Scott Lavin in a competition for Vince; Drama will struggle with trying to work with E when he obviously isn&#039;t interested in Drama&#039;s drama. In short, a lot of struggling will be going on, but that will hopefully lead to some growing and closure as many suspect this will be Entourage&#039;s last season.<br />
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Thanks for reading, and please fill the comments section with your own views on the episode and what you think we should look out for in episodes to come!<br />
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Closing Credit Song: &quot;There&#039;s Space For All Dat I See&quot; by M.I.A.<br />
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</p>nonadultcomedy
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/post/6191876http://www.collegehumor.com/post/6191876/stunted
Mon, 28 Jun 2010 01:29:51 -0400/post/6191876http://www.collegehumor.com/post/6191876/stunted
Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 -0500<p>Welcome back Entourage fans! We&#039;ve got an entire new season to watch E pick out flower arrangements for his wedding, Turtle pimp out hoes for his new business, Drama play the lead in his new show, and Vince&#133;&#133;. well I&#039;m sure he&#039;ll bone a bunch of sluts.<br />
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As a recap, last season left us with E and Sloan becoming engaged (oh I hope they get their own spin-off; or at least just Sloan; or I guess I can just look at her on the Internet), Drama quit his old show and is set to lead in a new one that was developed just for him, Jamie-Lynn broke things off with Turtle, and Vince flew off to Italy to play Enzo Ferrari. <br />
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This weeks episode is called &quot;Stunted&quot;, and it may or may not have anything to do with E&#039;s stature. <br />
<!-- readmore --><br />
We jump forward to Vince&#039;s new movie which is reminiscent of Terminator Salvation but hopefully with less suckiness. One of the scenes has Vince walking through what looks like an abandoned building armed with a bulletproof vest, shotgun, goggles, and a fashionable orange scarf. Also, three or four cameos by Charlie Kelly. <br />
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The initial conflict from this new movie comes from, yet again, a troublesome director. The director wants Vince to do his own stunts because audiences love nothing more than to see their stars on fire. <br />
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Turtle apparently has earned his college degree and immediately gains financing for several Mercedes cars and a staff comprised of the highest earners at the Spearmint Rhino. The business model <div class="media"><div class="embed right"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/70/20/collegehumor.ca451ff70c0b77c3af798721193c2c24.jpg" width="200" height="200" /></div></div>involves hot women driving fancy cars to pick up and transport clients. This seems like a sound business plan right? I thought so too, however, it turns out women can&#039;t drive. Who knew? <br />
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Turtle has one terrible employee played by Dania Ramirez who should be fired, but Turtle has the hots for her. He ends up making a move, being rejected, and she quits. I consider him lucky that&#039;s what actually happened rather than having a sexual harassment lawsuit. I have a feeling the driver that Turtle had his own stick shift for will be recurring throughout the season as Turtle tries to develop a relationship to replace the oh-so-hot and oh-so-missed Jamie-Lynn Sigler. <br />
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We don&#039;t see a lot of E in this episode, but he seems to be doing well for himself. He can get a phone call to Ari anytime where Ryan Reynolds can&#039;t even get him to come over to play some cards. <br />
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If E didn&#039;t already have it good enough, here&#039;s this:<br />
<div class="media"><div class="embed center"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/18/96/133f18254fbf93c66fa7fb8c5bc24070.jpg" width="600" height="327" /></div></div><br />
<br />
<div class="media"><div class="embed right"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/51/89/collegehumor.c53ca88ef3ebb952c23d4ca4659f7391.jpg" width="200" height="151" /></div></div>Let&#039;s hope E doesn&#039;t screw anything up with Sloan that would cause less airtime for her, otherwise the <span class="caps">HBO</span> offices might see a series of incidents in the near future.<br />
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Finally, Drama comes to realize that maybe his gig wasn&#039;t so sweet, considering the studio got Dean Cain to fill his role. I predict Drama will go insane and become the Lex Luthor to Cain&#039;s Superman. Expect many evil plots to come. Lloyd has a lot to learn about managing his clients, ie if no one wants them to work, you tell it like it is, which Ari is great at.<br />
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The ending of the premiere has Vince completing his car jump through fire stunt, apparently in a car designed by Toyota, and ends up crashing into a building in a blaze of fiery awesomeness. I&#039;m not sure if Vince was shaken up by what happened or something cracked that turned him into an ultimate badass, but he jumped right back on the horse and wanted to do it again. Are we going to see a new Vince from here on in?<br />
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Closing Credit Song: &quot;Above The Clouds&quot; by Gang Starr Feat. Inspectah Deck </p>nonadultcomedy
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/post/5982546http://www.collegehumor.com/post/5982546/this-is-so-funny
Wed, 17 Mar 2010 21:47:24 -0400/post/5982546http://www.collegehumor.com/post/5982546/this-is-so-funny
Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 -0500<p>This car is now worth double if he sold it right now.</p><p><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/0/5/collegehumor.3c6e97b0792f15a2c98bff65bb681382.jpg" /></p>
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/post/5692947http://www.collegehumor.com/post/5692947/this-is-so-funny
Wed, 07 Oct 2009 16:16:08 -0400/post/5692947http://www.collegehumor.com/post/5692947/this-is-so-funny
Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 -0500<p>Passed out at the family Christmas dinner and wearing that sweater? A beer bottle on your head is the least of your problems.</p><p><img src="http://2.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/d/3/collegehumor.4204a69d5a2b970700a558f3058159f9.jpg" /></p>
nonadultcomedy
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/post/5671629http://www.collegehumor.com/post/5671629/give-a-little-bit
Mon, 05 Oct 2009 12:33:07 -0400/post/5671629http://www.collegehumor.com/post/5671629/give-a-little-bit
Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 -0500<p><div class="media"><div class="embed right"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/d/3/collegehumor.81d793dd818f91d3e02c1023ad7a5f45.jpg" width="150" height="169" /></div></div>Happy Season Finale Everyone! I would call it a 3/4 Happy Ending, happy enough to give us all a warm fuzzy feeling, but not happy enough to be included in any children&#039;s book. We did get something that my ex-girlfriend never gave me the benefit of, closure. Isn&#039;t that right Francine? Anyway all our story lines from our characters had clean little endings so we can start fresh for next season. <br />
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A season finale wouldn&#039;t be a finale if it wasn&#039;t full of celebrity cameos, right? Matt Damon, of <i>Team America: World Police</i> fame, is working for a children&#039;s foundation to help the hungry. He doesn&#039;t even ask Vince to help as much as he tells him to. He demands both Vince&#039;s time and money, approximately $150K to be exact, and hunts him down like my creditors when he doesn&#039;t send the check. I did like how Damon breaks down when he&#039;s leaving Vince messages. I could also believe that this isn&#039;t far from the truth about how philanthropy is actually done in Hollywood, a bunch of ego-tastic celebrities who are used to getting what they want coupled with a sincere desire to look better than everyone else on the planet should make for some interesting conversations and temper tantrums.<br />
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Ari was primed to buy out Terrence, but at the meeting he found out that he had changed the contract so as to keep the Terrence name on it for the duration of the company&#039;s existence. The lawyers were convinced that no idiot would want to change the name of such an important company and brand, but obviously they hadn&#039;t met Ari. Ari&#039;s the type of guy that if he could would buy Coca-Cola and change the name to &#039;Ari Gold&#039;s Carbonated Syrup Based Beverage Concoction&#039; and expect to sell the sh*t out of it. <br />
<div class="media"><div class="embed center"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/e/c/collegehumor.72939c1efae533865222a50c811bc084.jpg" width="150" height="278" /></div></div><br />
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Anyway, after throwing a world class tantrum at the meeting, Ari goes back to his office where he is followed by Terrence, who later apologizes for pushing him out. The two shake hands, Ari actually smiles, and they agree that the deal is back on. Ari buys the company, and begins to &quot;cut the fat&quot; by running in there Terminator-style with a paintbull gun, giving the fired people not a pink slip, but a yellow suit. I did enjoy how he stood in the middle of a building he just bought and began shooting his paintball gun in the air like he was Tony Montana. I would think that the janitors would have taken this as a sign and just quit on the spot after they found the mess on the ceiling. <br />
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Lloyd had been hiding from Ari whenever he would make visits to Terrence&#039;s agency. When &quot;Columbine&quot; was happening, Ari told him that he had by the end of the day to see him at his office. Lloyd does, tells Ari to go fuck himself and is in turn offered a job as an agent. I told that to my boss this morning expecting a raise, but instead I just have extra time to write this article&#133; a lot of extra time. So Ari forgave Terrence for what he did and at the same time realized he was doing the same thing to Lloyd and in turn forgave him. I think Ari did a lot of growing this year, and it made me die a little inside. <br />
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Drama had it set in his mind that he was taking an extended break from acting, despite being hounded by the studio and Lloyd to convince him to do otherwise. He ends up reading for the &quot;Melrose 2009&quot; role and killed it, but was then told that he was in fact <i>too old</i> and the studio passed on him. However, they were so impressed with his performance that they began development of a show specifically for Drama and they are going to pay him to sit on his ass until they finish it. <br />
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Turtle took a quick turn by actually going over to <span class="caps">UCLA</span> girl&#039;s dorm despite being heartbroken by Jamie. He tells the guys he&#039;s been slamming on that, but in reality he goes over there to spill his guts out to <span class="caps">UCLA</span> girl and making her labia shrivel with talk of Jamie. He ends up bailing on her, but offers a &quot;pity eat-out&quot; as a consolation prize. He boards a plane to New Zealand to see Jamie, and finally gets her on the phone where she tells him to definitely not come. He accepts it, but not in time to de-board the plane, and now he has to sit through a 14-hour flight between two of the fattest women in creation. It&#039;s okay though, because after that he has another flight from New Zealand to Rome to hook up with the boys.<br />
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E said he was done with the dating scene and that he wants Sloan back, and if she doesn&#039;t want him back, then &#039;tough shit&#039;. He drives her out to the beach and makes her cancel plans with her boyfriend, then drops the bomb on her that he wants to get back together. Sloan does the classic &#039;take me home&#039; that I&#039;ve heard far too many times in my own life. E takes her back but they are fighting on the way and he pulls over so he can concentrate more on fighting and less on driving. Sloan thinks he won&#039;t be able to commit, and you know the one thing that will shut her up? How bout a diamond ring? How&#039;s that for lack of commitment, huh bitch? Oh wait, I love you, I shouldn&#039;t be calling you a bitch. Anyway, E obviously spit some mad game for getting a smoking hot chick like Sloan to agree to marry you when she has a boyfriend and hasn&#039;t been with you for three years. If E wrote a book on picking up women, I would definitely read it, especially if it was 70% pictures of Sloan. <br />
<div class="media"><div class="embed center"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/8/d/collegehumor.4a209138a5aa494df6c40e8d7ba560d9.jpg" width="150" height="191" /></div></div><br />
So Ari gets his business, Lloyd gets his dream, E gets his girl, Drama gets his job, Vince starts his movie, and Turtle? Well he gets to vacation in Italy and then return to a slammin&#039; coed who wants his junk. I said before this probably isn&#039;t the storybook ending you&#039;d want to read to your kids. <br />
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Next season I&#039;m sure we&#039;ll be see the fruits of Vince&#039;s labors, the development of E and Sloan&#039;s marriage, Drama&#039;s new show, Turtle going to school and starting his Lim-Hos service, and the wacky adventures of Lloyd, gay agent. <br />
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It&#039;s been a pleasure writing this column over this season and I appreciate those of you who beared through it with me by actually reading it. <br />
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Thanks for reading!<br />
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Closing Credit Song: &quot;In My Lifetime Remix&quot; by Jay-Z.<br />
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</p>nonadultcomedy
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/post/5638750http://www.collegehumor.com/post/5638750/scared-straight
Mon, 28 Sep 2009 12:13:24 -0400/post/5638750http://www.collegehumor.com/post/5638750/scared-straight
Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 -0500<p><div class="media"><div class="embed right"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/b/2/collegehumor.caa41fab9556f3eb716bcd020d7b8f84.jpg" width="150" height="185" /></div></div>It seemed like a bad day for everyone in the world of Entourage this week. Except of course Vince, who boned the secretary from Planned Parenthood. I wonder if she asked him to use protection?<br />
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Terrance (Ari&#039;s old boss) pays a surprise visit to Ari at his office. How exactly you sneak up on someone in a building with glass walls I&#039;m not entirely sure, but nonetheless he offers Ari first dibs on buying out his company, meaning that Ari could do whatever he wants to Adam Davies and Lloyd since they&#039;d be working for him. Ari uncovers that the reason Terrance wants to sell is because he is about to divorce his smoking hot wife, all because he boned a probably equally smoking hot mistress. Normally I fully endorse banging hot women, but for half of what Terrance is worth? I&#039;m thinking that it was probably not worth it.<!-- readmore --><br />
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Turtle has been dealing with the jealousy that comes with being Facebook stalked by insanely hot college girls&#133; I know, right? I hate it when that happens to me, too. Anyway Jamie-Lynn has been offered a role that shoots in New Zealand and we come to find out that her decision was based on her and Turtle&#039;s relationship being on the rocks lately. She didn&#039;t break it off but she wants Turtle to see other people. Win, I guess? If it weren&#039;t for the guilt, I would say &#039;yes&#039;. We also learn that Turtles can cry.<br />
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Drama goes to his audition for &quot;Melrose 2009&quot; and is up against Superman himself, Dean Cain. If that wouldn&#039;t be stressful enough, Drama has to audition in front of the same director he flipped out on when a guy kept checking his email during Drama&#039;s reading. This all turns into Drama having a near heart attack and being hospitalized. The doctor&#039;s recommendation: reduce life stress. He might as well have asked Drama to walk on the moon, amirite? Drama decides to take a step back from acting and re-assess his life, which Lloyd feels would be fatal to his career.<br />
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E&#039;s day probably seems all too familiar and scary to us males, I know it does to me. E was at the club making out with the friendliest chick in Hollywood, if you catch my drift. He ends up screwing her without protection, and finds out that Drama along with every douche bag in town has hit that. He goes to the clinic to get tested, and if you haven&#039;t had it done before, yes, they do jam that cotton swab right up your dick, and yes it hurts. He spends all day waiting for the results and scratching his junk, but ends up being clean. And before you jump to conclusions about me, yes I was clean too. E decides that the dating scene is too scary and resolves to make it work with Sloan. Thankfully this will end our Sloan drought that we have been enduring.<br />
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<div class="media"><div class="embed left"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/8/d/collegehumor.1184bcb8b8edf6b3c1b7c21d2444356c.jpg" width="150" height="228" /></div></div>Next week is the Season Finale and we&#039;re looking for resolution with all our characters. Will Vince get to start shooting on his Ferrari movie? Will E win back Sloan? Will Drama stay alive long enough to act again? Will Turtle bone the <span class="caps">UCLA</span> girl or stick with Jamie-Lynn, or will she even take the job? Ari and Lloyd still have to hug it out before we come to a close, and that may be a possibility when Ari buys the company Lloyd is working for.<br />
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I look forward to your comments on what you&#039;re expecting for the finale next week. Thanks for reading!<br />
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</p>nonadultcomedy
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/post/5625133http://www.collegehumor.com/post/5625133/douchebag-night-class
Thu, 17 Sep 2009 19:28:07 -0400/post/5625133http://www.collegehumor.com/post/5625133/douchebag-night-class
Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 -0500<p> <div class="media"><div class="embed right"><img src="http://2.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/9/9/collegehumor.40ce91f94bc7d4d45ae1116988b75594.jpg" width="150" height="214" /></div></div>Welcome to class, bitches. I&#039;m your teacher, Zak. That&#039;s Zak with a &#039;K&#039;, not a &#039;C&#039;. If I even hear you say it the wrong way then I&#039;ll break your freakin&#039; arm, got it?<br />
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Now, you all know why you&#039;re here. You wanna learn how to become douchebags. Why? Because you go out to the clubs, or you go to the gym, and you see all the hot ass chicks flocking to the douchebags, right?<br />
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You know why? Because hot chicks love douche bags, stupid. Look at me, I&#039;m the ultimate douchebag, and you know how many babes I&#039;ve had? More than me or my lifting partner Zac with a &#039;C&#039; can count. See these hands? I&#039;ve grabbed enough fake boobs with these hands to fill my &#039;81 Mustang. I sleep with <i>so</i> many models that I need a <i>shovel</i> to scoop their crusty old make-up out of the sheets. I find so many hair extensions left in my apartment that I donate them to Locks of Love. <br />
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Since now you know how big of a douche bag I am, I&#039;m going to take a look at all you losers and see how we can turn you into douchebags.<br />
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Okay, let&#039;s see &#133;. You there, &quot;muscles.&quot; <br />
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<i>Me?</i><br />
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Shyeah. See I called you muscles because you don&#039;t have any, it&#039;s called being scarcastic, dumbass. So how many hours you put in at the gym each day?<br />
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<i>I guess I go a couple times a we&#151; </i><br />
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I don&#039;t care, it&#039;s not enough. You should spend at least 3 hours a day blasting your guns. And don&#039;t forget your lats. See mine? They come up so high off my shoulders that they cover my ears. I can&#039;t even hear you. What? What&#039;d you say? Exactly,bitch!<br />
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Now let&#039;s talk fashion. You&#133; yeah you with the shirt. No not you with the shirt&#133; <span class="caps">YOU</span> with the shirt, how much you pay for that shirt?<br />
<i><br />
Uh-</i><br />
<br />
Wrong! You see this tee shirt? It&#039;s <i>Ed Hardy</i>,motherfucker! I paid <i>two</i> <i>hundred</i>dollars for it. That&#039;s how big of a douchebag I am. See these sleeves? These sleeves are so tight that I can literally not feel my hands. That&#039;s just one of the sacrifices you&#039;ll have to make if you truly want to be a douchebag.<br />
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Now let&#039;s talk accessories, why aren&#039;t any of you fart-knockers wearing your sunglasses? <br />
<i><br />
This is an evening class, its 8:30 at night.</i><br />
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You think that matters? See my sunglasses? They&#039;re Juicy Couture and I had to spend last month&#039;s rent money to buy them. They <i>never</i>come off my face, understand? Never. It&#039;s a good thing I&#039;m wearing my shades because you all are fucking pale! Haven&#039;t you ever heard of spray-tan? If you&#039;re going to be a douchebag, I recommend you buy sessions in bundles of 100. That way you&#039;ll always be prepared if you have to go out to the club at the last minute.<br />
<br />
<div class="media"><div class="embed left"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/6/b/collegehumor.ba5cee06116b7988c897bd6bd6210c3f.jpg" width="150" height="135" /></div></div>How you style your hair is also an important part of being a douchebag. You should always have a good supply of Dep hair gel. I suggest going to Costco, they sell it in 5 gallon vats. When styling your hair, just remember this one rule: reach for the stars. <br />
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That&#039;s all for tonight. Your homework is to listen to every one of Nickelback&#039;s albums. Class dismissed fags,and remember, tomorrow is our field trip to the tattoo parlor where you&#039;ll all be getting tribal armbands.<br />
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</p>nonadultcomedy
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/post/5629399http://www.collegehumor.com/post/5629399/berried-alive
Mon, 21 Sep 2009 03:02:52 -0400/post/5629399http://www.collegehumor.com/post/5629399/berried-alive
Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 -0500<p><div class="media"><div class="embed right"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/f/4/collegehumor.4d87d34f1cfcd970ab7ce72492032c2e.jpg" width="150" height="156" /></div></div>With only three episodes left in the season, Entourage begins to pick up some real speed (finally)! Alot of big events happened to all our guys (except Vince) and it looks like the writers are building up to something that nobody can really be sure of.<br />
<br />
First of all, I&#039;d like to say, it&#039;s about freakin&#039; time that E got rid of the craziest of the crazies, Ashley. You can only push a guy so far before you start asking for stool samples. This has proven something that all the viewers have definitely known since we first met her and that awkward gaze into E&#039;s eyes that made us all feel extremely uncomfortable. Now E may have a new love interest, his assistant Brittany, who is extremely hot, and makes me think I should have gone into a career in casting actresses, but too late for broken dreams now.<br />
<br />
The biggest story line, I think, has to do with the newly fallen angel Lloyd who has betrayed his former god, Ari. Lloyd has either paid very close attention to Ari on how to get business done, or Lloyd is just &quot;paying it forward&quot; to the people under him, much like my old fraternity did to its pledges. I just hope there are less elephant walks. <!-- readmore --><br />
<br />
Ari and Lloyd&#039;s first battle takes place over Johnny Drama, who runs into his old director and is hinted at that he would be perfect for the new <i>Melrose Place</i>. Drama needs to get out of his contract on <i>Five Towns</i> and pits Ari and Lloyd against each other. Ari ends up winning over this particular task for Drama, but Lloyd convinces him to play for his team (not what you&#039;re thinking). <br />
<br />
I think this will be where Lloyd has an advantage over Ari and it will continue in the future; Lloyd is much more personable to clients and Ari is pretty much despised by his clients outside of business. Lloyd basically knows everything and everyone that Ari knows, and may exploit that before the season ends. Or he&#039;ll renew his boner for Ari and move back and they&#039;ll kiss and make up, take your pick. <br />
<br />
Poor Turtle can&#039;t catch a break can he? Oh wait, his entire life is one entire break. But anyways, he&#039;s happily dating Jamie-Lynn, then some hottie from <span class="caps">UCLA</span> starts hounding him, what would you do? Personally I think that girl is one of the hottest non-mainstream girls on TV, and if you know her name please email me, and if you <i>are </i>her then please call me. Jamie-Lynn insists that she drop Turtle off and pick him up like she&#039;s his mom, but then insists on mad make-out sessions on campus like they&#039;re still in high school. This may all be moot because Jamie gets a job that films in New Zealand, so maybe Turtle should just stick to sorostitutes? Also, something to think about, did Jamie take that job because she doesn&#039;t believe in her and Turtle? These are the questions that will keep me up at night&#133; that or the image of the sorority girl&#039;s orange thong from last week&#039;s episode.<br />
<br />
<div class="media"><div class="embed left"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/b/2/collegehumor.2e48601b68edca5405f85f8272c964c0.jpg" width="150" height="195" /></div></div>We&#039;ve only got one more episode before the finale, so I&#039;d like to hear any predictions and whoever comes the closest will get your choice of either a signed photo of me or nothing, whichever you think would be more valuable.<br />
<br />
Closing Credit Song: &quot;I Wanna Be Where You Are&quot; by Michael Jackson<br />
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Thanks for Reading!<br />
</p>nonadultcomedy
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/post/5605032http://www.collegehumor.com/post/5605032/security-briefs
Mon, 14 Sep 2009 11:34:49 -0400/post/5605032http://www.collegehumor.com/post/5605032/security-briefs
Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 -0500<p><div class="media"><div class="embed right"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/0/7/collegehumor.96768950a056c7d1ba9f27a77bd846e9.jpg" width="150" height="200" /></div></div>It&#039;s been a whole two weeks since the last episode of Entourage, but this episode was worth the wait in my opinion. <br />
<br />
The Israeli Task Force is running security for the guys, waking them up at 7am laughing about a Palestinian with a bomb up her ass (I know, I laughed my ass off too). To add to that, they don&#039;t flush the toilets when they use them and they stole Turtle&#039;s cereal. I bet Turtle&#039;s not so much pissed about the cereal as he is about the glow in the dark race car inside. This type of behavior only confirms what I&#039;ve believed for years: never let a foreigner in your house.<br />
<br />
Things were looking good for Ari at the office, at least for the first part of the episode. He signed Zac Efron and made Adam Davies cry. I did like how that hot mom kept coming up to Zac at the store; sure lady, just find someplace to dump the kid and we&#039;ll bone. <br />
<br />
As retaliation for Ari&#039;s stunt, Adam Davies offers Lloyd a job as an agent. At first Lloyd denied out of total loyalty for Ari, but as the old proverb goes, &quot;you can only push a queer so far&quot;. Ari more than doubles the time left in Lloyd&#039;s pledgeship and sends him to do a bunch of bullsh*t jobs. The scene ends with Lloyd getting rear-ended (not the good kind) in Ari&#039;s car, and he decides now would be a good time to quit and leave Ari&#039;s busted car in the middle of gridlock traffic. Look at it this way, at least we got a really good &quot;<span class="caps">LLOYD</span>!&quot; out of Ari.<!-- readmore --><br />
<br />
I think I should get some kind of recognition or payment from <span class="caps">HBO</span> because the writers obviously have based Ashley on every girl I&#039;ve ever dated. I mean this is getting ridiculous. Even after she embarrasses E into telling her that Drama asked if she gave him a wake-up beej, she doesn&#039;t even oblige. That&#039;s just poor etiquette. One thing does confuse me though, why does Vince show up as &#039;Rupert Pupkin&#039; on everyone&#039;s phones? Rupert Pupkin, of course, is De Niro&#039;s character in <i>The King of Comedy (1984) </i>(thank you Wikipedia). Ashley probably believes she&#039;s against a savvy 60-year old gay man for E&#039;s love. I&#039;m hoping for some Sloan-heavy scenes in the future and less of &#039;Crazy Ashley&#039;.<br />
<br />
Throughout the episode the guys as well as the Israelis are determined to get to the bottom of their stalker situation. They find out that the creepy ginger works at a sex shop (duh, that&#039;s the first place they should have looked). Even better, it&#039;s a sex shop that Drama frequents when he&#039;s not at the rub-and-tug. Meanwhile, Turtle is getting looks from some sorority girls that obviously didn&#039;t go to my college. As Drama goes to the sex shop to confront the stalker, which his makeup made for an even more terrifying emotional explosion, Turtle uncovers some skirts, only to find&#133; his own underwear! That sounds like either a really bad or really good Twilight Zone, depending on how high you are. They all realize that it was a big prank by the sorority pledges and everything goes back to normal. Yay! <br />
<div class="media"><div class="embed right"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/c/f/collegehumor.14ab0f9cecdb627c821ad25ff2f5587c.jpg" width="150" height="200" /></div></div><br />
Next week we see Lloyd on the couch eating ice cream, Drama getting an offer on the new Melrose Place, and E maybe starting some office romance with his hot ass assistant.<br />
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Closing Credit Song: &quot;Piece of Clay&quot; by Marvin Gaye<br />
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Thanks for reading!<br />
</p>nonadultcomedy
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/post/5572161http://www.collegehumor.com/post/5572161/freshman-meal-plan
Tue, 01 Sep 2009 02:28:50 -0400/post/5572161http://www.collegehumor.com/post/5572161/freshman-meal-plan
Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 -0500<p><div class="media"><div class="embed center"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/6/2/collegehumor.3ab60b06156f82197e65ed02711b9995.jpg" width="480" height="744" /></div></div><!-- readmore -->
<div class="media"><div class="embed center"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/f/3/collegehumor.aee5c2ef35b5024b843473e3829f0a56.jpg" width="480" height="1527" /></div></div><br />
</p>nonadultcomedy
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/post/5571166http://www.collegehumor.com/post/5571166/the-sorkin-notes
Mon, 31 Aug 2009 12:08:38 -0400/post/5571166http://www.collegehumor.com/post/5571166/the-sorkin-notes
Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 -0500<p><div class="media"><div class="embed right"><img src="http://2.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/5/9/collegehumor.05f3ad252a6422124bc30849c73fab26.jpg" width="150" height="213" /></div></div>No matter how bad Andrew Kline f*cks up, he seems to always come out on top for Ari. If he can sign a client from jail crying like a baby, I&#039;m pretty sure he could sell Anne Frank a pork sandwich while dressed like Hitler.<br />
<br />
Ari suffers yet another Kline meltdown by finding him asleep in his office (instead of his own for some reason) and surrounded by coworkers. If it were me, I don&#039;t think I would try to sleep in an office with all glass walls and expect any privacy. Anyway, that b*tch Babs finds out and says if Kline doesn&#039;t sign Aaron Sorkin (West Wing) by the end of the day, he&#039;s canned. Ari conveys this to Andrew, who ends up not showing up to the meeting because he&#039;s trying to get his notes from his house, but Marlo won&#039;t let him in, so what is the most reasonable way to settle this? Drive your Cadillac into your living room, duh. <br />
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Kline ends up in the county jail and I&#039;m pretty sure he didn&#039;t do the first two things you&#039;re supposed to when you&#039;re in jail: shiv someone, and not cry. Sorkin would rather go to a meeting in jail with Andrew Kline than in an office building with Ari Gold, so Kline ends up actually signing him through the glass partition. That&#039;s something you just learn from experience, I don&#039;t think even a Harvard <span class="caps">MBA</span> can prepare you for that. <br />
<br />
Vince and the gang meet with Aaron Coen, who I would assume would be ex-<span class="caps">KGB</span> if he didn&#039;t have a Jewish last name, but who knows. He sets the house up with motion cameras in every room, bullet-proof windows, and two round the clock body guards. I would hate to see the kind of security that Hannah Montana needs. They spend the day running emegergency drills with Drama as a Vince stand-in and Turtle as the random chick from the bars. I did appreciate the effort Drama put into it, especially the facial expressions conveying fear, doubt, and uncertainty. I think he could use the security tape in his reel for future auditions.<br />
<br />
At the end of the day Aaron finds a driver&#039;s license in the couch cushion that belongs to a creepy ginger named Curtis Tucker. This is supposed to provide a lead for them to find their stalker, but I&#039;m calling bullshit right now. I think that in the next episode we&#039;ll find that the license was planted there to scare Vince into keeping this service and that eventually the security company will be found out to be a scam. That&#039;s just my prediction, if I&#039;m right I&#039;ll post a link back to this article saying, &quot;I told you so,&quot; if I&#039;m wrong, I&#039;ll deny everything.<br />
<br />
E spends the whole day trying to read into his drink date with Sloan. She said she has a boyfriend, but hasn&#039;t put a label on it yet, which means it&#039;s not &#039;Facebook Official&#039;. Just as he pulls up to the hotel, wouldn&#039;t you know it, Ashley calls! These girls must have an alarm that goes off whenever something good might happen to E. Ashley wants E to come right over, and E seems to go along with whatever people tell him to do, so of course he runs over to Ashley&#039;s after telling Sloan off. You either have to have huge balls or no balls to dump a chick as hot as Sloan, but unfortunately I think it&#039;s because E has the latter. <br />
<br />
Some things I liked about this episode:<br />
<br />
<div class="media"><div class="embed right"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/3/1/collegehumor.55d11fa381c761994bfd51419c7ae302.jpg" width="150" height="216" /></div></div>1. How hot Sloan looked in her bright red lipstick. I keep saying she looks hotter every episode, and she keeps on proving she can take it to the next level. The day when she doesn&#039;t look as hot as she did the time before and it becomes apparent the streak has ended, you&#039;ll find me dead and naked hanging from my closet, and you&#039;ll know my last thoughts were of her. <br />
<br />
2. How much weed the guys (Turtle) have been smoking. It brings a certain reality to the episodes because it&#039;s not the main focus of each scene, but you definitely can&#039;t ignore it&#039;s happening.<br />
<br />
3. Drama&#039;s facial expressions, which are always a pleasure.<br />
<br />
Things I didn&#039;t like:<br />
<br />
1. Ashley.<br />
<br />
Next week Turtle sees what it&#039;s like to be quasi-famous and desirable by hot chicks, and maybe he won&#039;t think being in a relationship is as sweet as it seems. Vince continues dealing with the security company, and probably breaking off with them per my earlier prediction. Finally, Lloyd may be lured away by Adam Davies, either by the career potential or the possibility of gay sex, the only way we can know is to watch next Sunday.<br />
<br />
Closing Credit Song: &quot;Sunrise&quot; by Yeasayer.<br />
<br />
Thanks for reading!<br />
<br />
</p>nonadultcomedy
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/post/5537895http://www.collegehumor.com/post/5537895/no-more-drama
Mon, 24 Aug 2009 03:05:26 -0400/post/5537895http://www.collegehumor.com/post/5537895/no-more-drama
Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 -0500<p><div class="media"><div class="embed right"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/3/1/collegehumor.3819f493cd4876d21749b571034d5517.jpg" width="150" height="196" /></div></div>We&#039;ve got 12 weeks to kill until Vince&#039;s next movie starts shooting, yet this week&#039;s episode kills only 6 hours. Vince&#039;s house gets broken into, Drama has career troubles, and E scores big his first day and makes a mortal enemy at Murray Berensen. As slow as this episode crawled, it did lay the ground work for some action down the road.<br />
<br />
I will say I was excited to see the N for Nudity rating before the episode, but I was definitely disappointed to find out that is was referring to a slip nip shot of a girl sleeping. Vince took care of the intruder in true actor fashion, however, by hiding in his bedroom. I&#039;m sure De Niro in the old days would have strangled the guy with his own underwear that was being stolen. I liked how at first Vince played it cool, &quot;We have an alarm, I&#039;ll just learn to turn it on.&quot; I hope he learns how to turn it on better than he learned to drive.<br />
<br />
The guys showed off their Queens Boulevard roots by choosing to amass enough firepower to take over France. I&#039;m pretty sure that hand cannon Vince was holding would rip his arm off if he tried to shoot it, but it was funny nonetheless. <br />
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Drama starts his day off bad when he gets a call from Lloyd telling him that all his scenes have been cancelled. Drama responds by apologizing to his boss as best as he can, by telling him that he&#039;ll rip his fucking scalp off. Drama finally gets some closure over the whole situation by finding out he gets to keep his job, but his boss is going to torture him. Does this sound familiar to the Ari/Lloyd arrangement to anybody? Let&#039;s just hope that Drama&#039;s boss and Ari don&#039;t find out about each other and set up a joint gay hazing session, much like my freshman year pledging my fraternity. <br />
<br />
Even though the episode was titled after Drama&#039;s story line, I think E is the center of attention. There was a lot of speculation that E wouldn&#039;t last through the end of the episode in this job because of career douchebag actor Scott Caan (Ocean&#039;s 11, Boiler Room). However, it looks like everything will work out, at least for a while.<br />
<br />
Ari starts his own Prank War by sending over two dozen pizzas to E with the note, &quot;You&#039;re no longer a pizza boy, you&#039;re a pizza man.&quot; E responds by sending him a dildo that I assume Ari mysteriously never gets&#133; <span class="caps">LLOYD</span>!! I have a feeling this will be a continuing trend between the two and as they both make more money, the pranks will only get crazier and more homo-erotic. <br />
<br />
Bob Saget stops by E&#039;s new job to visit and remind us all that he regrets doing Full House when he could have been doing blow of strippers&#039; asses. He blows off Scott who has been working on him for over a year, and immediately moves to E, who can sign him as long as he agrees to let him have sex in his boss&#039;s office. Scott was too much of a pussy to ask Murray about it, but he forgot one thing&#133; yes, that agency is a whorehouse, as is any in Hollywood, and if you want to blow your load on someone&#039;s couch, all you have to do is ask.<br />
<br />
Closing Credit Song: &quot;Straight Outta Compton&quot; by N.W.A.<br />
<br />
Next week we&#039;ll see Vince getting his new security system and Drama getting tortured.<br />
<div class="media"><div class="embed right"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/f/f/collegehumor.3f0abc8f3bcc982d62305a7fa5ab9c3e.jpg" width="150" height="112" /></div></div><br />
Thanks for reading!<br />
<br />
<span class="caps">SIDE</span> <span class="caps">NOTE</span>: Does anyone know who plays E&#039;s secretary Brittany? I need that information for some private research I&#039;m conducting&#133;<br />
<br />
<br />
</p>nonadultcomedy
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/post/5442903http://www.collegehumor.com/post/5442903/an-atheist-meets-his-maker
Wed, 12 Aug 2009 13:13:24 -0400/post/5442903http://www.collegehumor.com/post/5442903/an-atheist-meets-his-maker
Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 -0500<p><b><div class="media"><div class="embed right"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/1/d/collegehumor.2a0eb0115294e6b6f85d2cfda1416ec4.jpg" width="150" height="156" /></div></div>Tim: </b> Where am I? I thought I was about to die, shouldn&#039;t I just be dead and not be seeing anything now? I mean there&#039;s no way I&#039;m in heaven or hell, that&#039;s just stupid.<br />
<br />
<b>Voice:</b> Hello, Tim, and welcome.<br />
<br />
<b>Tim:</b> Who is that? Where am I?<br />
<br />
<b>Voice: </b> Because you were a faithful follower of mine since you took that philosophy class your freshman year of college, you may enter Heaven.<br />
<br />
<b>Tim:</b> I don&#039;t understand.<br />
<br />
<b>Voice:</b> Aren&#039;t you an Atheist?<br />
<br />
<b>Tim:</b> Yeah, so why am I here in heaven?<br />
<br />
<b>Voice: </b> Because I am Ath, the one true god. I have taken all my followers, the Atheists, from Earth and granted them access to my Kingdom. The Christians, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, and Hindus, screw those guys; I sent them straight to Hell.<!-- readmore --><br />
<br />
<b>Tim: </b> Oh now I understand. See I thought I would be in Hell because I didn&#039;t believe&#133; I mean&#133; nevermind.<br />
<br />
<b>Voice: </b>You mean you didn&#039;t know who I am? I am the great and powerful Ath!<br />
<br />
<b>Tim: </b> No, no, I know who you are, I worshipped you everyday of my life. It wasn&#039;t like I didn&#039;t believe in a Supreme Being or anything.<br />
<br />
<b>Voice: </b> Oh good, well now if you&#039;re ready, please enter my kingdom and meet your fellow Atheists whom you will spend eternity with.<br />
<br />
<b>Tim:</b> Thanks Ath.<br />
<br />
<i>Ath leaves and Tim starts talking with some of the other people in Heaven.<br />
<br />
</i><b>Tim: </b> Hey everybody.<br />
<br />
<b>John:</b> You didn&#039;t give us away did you? Did you tell him that no one had any idea who the f*ck he is?<br />
<br />
<b>Tim:</b> No I played it cool.<br />
<br />
<b>John: </b> Good, we would have been screwed.<br />
</p>nonadultcomedy
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/post/5385559http://www.collegehumor.com/post/5385559/10-books-that-are-harder-to-read-than-twilight
Tue, 04 Aug 2009 19:41:54 -0400/post/5385559http://www.collegehumor.com/post/5385559/10-books-that-are-harder-to-read-than-twilight
Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 -0500<div><div class="media"><div class="embed right"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/f/7/collegehumor.1c1d0cbf2a57768d01569397d6e338c8.jpg" width="150" height="226" /></div></div>The Twilight books have turned a generation of adult women away from People magazine and on to books, word books! The only problem is, this phenomenon comes with a sense of smugness among readers who consider themselves intellectuals because they often finish a book within a weekend or even a day. <i><b><br />
<br />
</b></i>However, did you know that Twilight has a grade equivalent score of 4.4? What this means is that the vocabulary and sentence structure of this book are best suited for people who read at a 4th grade level, mainly 4th graders. I did some research and the following books scored the same rating or higher for grade equivalency and therefore are just as difficult to read and comprehend as Twilight: <br />
<br />
<!-- readmore -->
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<div class="media"><div class="embed center"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/8/3/collegehumor.4e95e5b821e61dd944db2ff39f7d8156.jpg" width="336" height="422" /></div></div><br />
<div>In No Jumping on the Bed by Tedd Arnold, a boy named Walter disobeys his father by jumping on the bed and falls through the floor of his apartment building and meets all his wacky and zany neighbors.<br />
<div class="media"><div class="embed center"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/c/d/collegehumor.59ebbffcb83bed30e020168d20e4c5b0.jpg" width="336" height="336" /></div></div><br />
Inspired by zeppelins, trains, old planes, with brilliant colors and lots of shiny chrome, Jack (a boy with a great imagination) has designed the ultimate fantasy car. There&#039;s a fireplace, a pool, and even a snack bar! Now it&#039;s time for the wildest test-drive ever! &#150; Publisher&#039;s Weekly<br />
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<div class="media"><div class="embed center"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/1/5/collegehumor.bca4ab51abb0fcaa56ab2d058af58b55.jpg" width="336" height="485" /></div></div><br />
Amy loves performing with her ventriloquist&#039;s dummy, Dennis. But Dennis is old, and his head keeps falling off. Then Amy&#039;s dad buys her a new dummy, called Slappy. Soon she realizes that Slappy is trouble &#150; big trouble. Amy must get rid of him, but there is one problem. Slappy doesn&#039;t want to go. -Publisher&#039;s Synopsis<br />
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<div class="media"><div class="embed center"><img src="http://2.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/6/b/collegehumor.13887ae63ea4b78633e1ae2b1cb16c73.jpg" width="336" height="336" /></div></div><br />
Gibbons uses simple words and clear, colorful pictures to explain the seasons, the solstices, and the equinoxes. Besides discussing the earth&#039;s tilt and orbit, she also comments on what people and animals do in each season of the year. Brief and occasionally disjointed, these remarks will serve as a starting point for class discussions. Brightly colored pictures, as accessible and appealing as those in Gibbons&#039; other books, illustrate the text. <i>-Carolyn Phelan</i>, BookList<br />
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<div class="media"><div class="embed center"><img src="http://2.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/d/e/collegehumor.0f751add4ab8ca241d1c250ebca666d3.jpg" width="336" height="505" /></div></div><br />
David is only trying to be cool when he helps some of the popular kids steal Old Lady Bayfield&#039;s cane. But when the plan backfires, he&#039;s the one the &quot;old witch&quot; curses. Now David can&#039;t seem to do anything right. The cool kids taunt him and his only friends are freaks. He even walks into Spanish class with his fly unzipped! And when he finally gets up the nerve to ask out a cute girl, his pants fall down in midsentence. Is it the Bayfield curse at work? Or is David simply turning into a total loser? &#150; Back Cover<br />
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</div><div class="media"><div class="embed center"><img src="http://2.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/3/0/collegehumor.d39cb5d31235bdc5142ec5f051ab615c.jpg" width="336" height="489" /></div></div><br />
A less funny version of Ernest Goes to Camp. &#150; my assumption<br />
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<div class="media"><div class="embed center"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/d/1/collegehumor.b59bac9d2c2dc3ae328660c1444e6f94.jpg" width="336" height="420" /></div></div><br />
When Lyle the Crocodile visits Mr. Primm&#039;s advertising office, he has tons of fun and makes lots of friends. He also gets Mr. Primm fired. However, Lyle manages to save Mr. Primm&#039;s career when he rescues the boss, Mr. Bigg, from the local haunted house. &#150; Publisher&#039;s Synopsis<br />
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<div class="media"><div class="embed center"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/0/8/collegehumor.df9da860d3e1d1d7641916e8aaed7ac5.jpg" width="336" height="482" /></div></div><br />
Milo Neal is the favorite to win first prize at the science fair. But his project, which involves a chicken, sets off side-splittingly funny action featuring a star hockey player, a first-class dweeb, and an animal rights activist! Is this chicken a mascot or a McNugget?! &#150; Publisher&#039;s Synopsis<br />
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<div class="media"><div class="embed center"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/9/0/collegehumor.ea36afc971ca843c7dd56b207fa9557d.jpg" width="336" height="492" /></div></div><br />
Jack travels through the often poignant moments that highlight his sixth grade year, at the same time describing his unpredictable family life&#133; Stuck between an older sister he emulates and a pesky if appealing younger brother, Jack always strives to do the right thing&#151;often to land in trouble. His perspective is quirky but reliable, and often surprising. &#150; Publisher&#039;s Weekly<br />
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<div class="media"><div class="embed center"><img src="http://2.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/1/2/collegehumor.dbe82271a22dcb13986ab1e2b1118ee3.jpg" width="336" height="490" /></div></div><br />
Twelve-year-old Wally &#150; &quot;the walking disaster area&quot; &#151; is forced to stand up to Camp Wahkah Wahkah&#039;s number one, all-American bad guy. One hilarious mishap follows another until, fighting together for their very lives, Wally learns the need to love even his worst enemy&#133;. &#150; Amazon.com<br />
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Any of these books would be a great next step in the adventure of reading for someone who enjoys Twilight, but if these books are too infantile for one&#039;s intellect, they can always jump up to the <b>fifth grade level: </b><div class="media"><div class="embed center"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/9/2/collegehumor.e85813c9783b67f514b3017237e55cc8.jpg" width="336" height="554" /></div></div><br />
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</div>nonadultcomedy
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/post/5464565http://www.collegehumor.com/post/5464565/murphys-lie
Mon, 17 Aug 2009 03:07:19 -0400/post/5464565http://www.collegehumor.com/post/5464565/murphys-lie
Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 -0500<p><div class="media"><div class="embed right"><img src="http://2.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/e/6/collegehumor.ad5a8a4ee1c797c009d61b8649e6ea03.jpg" width="150" height="180" /></div></div>Everyone decided to change places in this week&#039;s episode of Entourage. Drama experiences both a high and a low in his career in one day when he starts by acting with a good actress for once, and ends it by choke slamming his boss and faces unemployment. Turtle goes from being everyone&#039;s &quot;bitch&quot; to taking core English and Math courses. E goes from being unemployed to taking a manager position at Murray Berenson. And it looks like we&#039;ll have to suffer through a little more of Andrew Kline. Sweet, I hope he has more breakdowns, those are my favorite parts&#133;.<br />
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We have potential for some sub-plots being formed for our favorite crew, so let&#039;s check out what each one got into this week.<br />
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<div class="media"><div class="embed left"><img src="http://2.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/6/d/collegehumor.c5a36af68d3882d7125c4e4d0813b13e.jpg" width="150" height="150" /></div></div>Drama is actually being validated as a real actor, being the center of attention and working with a better actress than he deserves. I think actors don&#039;t think well of themselves because whenever you see an actor acting like he&#039;s acting, the acting really sucks. They must not take much pride in their profession. Anyway, Drama shoves so much tongue down Jamie-Lynn&#039;s throat that he actually inflicts pain on teeth, and may force Turtle to get a dental dam permanently sewn to his face.<br />
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Turtle has been noticeably uncomfortable with the fact that Drama and Jamie-Lynn are doing a kissing scene together, but that was far from what he should be afraid of. The slick hollywood exec that is Drama&#039;s boss sets his scope on Jamie and forces Drama to dress up like the Unabomber to keep tabs on Jamie during her &quot;meeting&quot;, because dressing like that makes you inconspicuous&#133; Anyway, Drama ends up expecting to see Jamie on her back in his boss&#039;s office but ends up busting a meeting and strangling him in the hallway. Drama went from playing a central character on the show to getting amnesia and falling down an elevator shaft, which is exactly my prediction for how his character will be killed on the show.<br />
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Ari sees Mrs. Kline storming through his agency and calling his stable of ho&#039;s&#133; ho&#039;s. He confronts Andrew and Lizzie, starting a would-be sweet ass firing scene, but is cut short and he ends up letting them keep their jobs, so long as they don&#039;t eye-fuck any co-workers; fair and wise just like Solomon, or Judge Judy. However, Andrew thinks he is in love with Lizzie, but is talked out of it by Ari and sent home to his family. I can see this story line going on forever, Andrew and Ari buddying around, Andrew freaks out, Ari forgives, repeat. <br />
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E spends the day chasing after Ashley after the whole, &quot;sorry I called you another chick&#039;s name who&#039;s insanely hotter than you&quot; thing. Ashley&#039;s out of control, I mean seriously, I wouldn&#039;t get mad if my girlfriend called me another guy&#039;s name who I knew and was insanely ripped and better looking than me, would I <span class="caps">KAREN</span>?? But instead of being cool, Ashley starts going through E&#039;s Blackberry deleting messages and avoiding him without explanation, which I think is the first plan of attack for all women in fights. Ashley finally gets E to crack and gets him to admit that <span class="caps">SPOILER</span> <span class="caps">ALERT</span>: E still has feelings for Sloan&#133; stop the presses. For now it doesn&#039;t look good for AshlE (get it?) but maybe they&#039;ll bounce back and live happily ever after.</p><p><br />
</p><p>Ari and E should have a reality show called &quot;From Suits to Bitches&quot; because that&#039;s exactly what has happened. Ari&#039;s on his knees begging forgiveness from his wife, which I would too, but Ari shouldn&#039;t. E is sneaking around Ashley&#039;s window begging for forgiveness through the phone (kind of like kissing through the phone, but not as wet).<br />
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E takes the job at Murray Berenson after he got what he really wanted, to meet Steve Nash. He took a cut in pay but I think E will actually enjoy that because he&#039;ll actually get paid for what he does for once. E brought up that maybe Murray only wants him for his connections, and that may come back in upcoming episodes, so watch for that. <br />
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<div class="media"><div class="embed right"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/c/d/collegehumor.8b81e29cf6463602a5e436bda1c3e891.jpg" width="150" height="208" /></div></div>I do distinctly remember Vince actually doing things in this week&#039;s episode, but still not a whole lot. <span class="caps">SPOILER</span> <span class="caps">ALERT</span>: he has sex with a hot ass chick. Sorry for the blockbuster breakthrough. However, a possible sub plot from this is that the camera they use while they&#039;re boning may turn into a celebrity sex tape. He should have just bought the tape from her then and sold it himself so he can at least get a cut of the money. <br />
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Closing Credit Song: Reservoir Park by The Dutchess &amp; The Duke<br />
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Next week we&#039;ll get to see Vince&#039;s crib getting broke into, him possibly stalked, E gets used and abused at work, and most importantly <span class="caps">BOB</span> <span class="caps">SAGET</span>! <br />
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</p>nonadultcomedy
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/post/5439110http://www.collegehumor.com/post/5439110/fore
Mon, 10 Aug 2009 03:11:26 -0400/post/5439110http://www.collegehumor.com/post/5439110/fore
Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 -0500<p><div class="media"><div class="embed right"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/9/a/collegehumor.428f41a96cf8cf75db5af8ca87391006.jpg" width="150" height="154" /></div></div>Even though this episode of Entourage had some laughs, I don&#039;t think any other series has crawled at a slower pace than this season. <br />
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The guys go on a celebrity golf tournament (we don&#039;t know what for, possibly to benefit women victims of Johnny Drama) in order to distract the viewers from realizing that nothing is actually happening. OK, scratch that, one thing is happening, E is offered a job at a big agency. Other than that, not a lot happened, but let&#039;s hit the run-down of what our guys have been up to this week.<br />
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Ari had a bad day to say the least. He wakes up on a couch instead of a bed with a smoking hot wife. Is it just me or do you think that Ari&#039;s mansion should probably have at least 7 guest bedrooms which would mean he wouldn&#039;t have to sleep on the couch? But he buys the Mrs. a Maserati to schmooz things over just because he&#039;s Ari. Anyway, he shows up looking like sh*t and has to play with one of his clients and his two a-hole kids. <!-- readmore --><br />
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Drama&#039;s day wasn&#039;t much better, first showing up as Ken in Lloyd&#039;s dream where they sell gay Ken and Ken fantasy doll sets. He opts to buy the Payne Stewart Halloween costume from the pro shop and plays bad enough to still be beaten by Payne himself. He starts a bet with Mark Wahlberg and Tom Brady for a grand a hole and from what I assume, lost every one. The guys are nice enough about it though, giving Drama the occasional mulligan and even lending him Brady&#039;s custom club, which Drama immediately snaps in two. My free advice to Drama, straighten out that left arm on your backswing.<br />
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Turtle is quickly turning into my favorite character on the show. First he snubs Tom Brady, as a true Giants fan (and any non-retarded football fan) should, then smokes a J on the golf course during a charity event. I hope the event was benefiting victims of glaucoma. Turtle decides that he didn&#039;t do enough damage by just snubbing Brady, so he goes to catch up with them and just as he starts to tell him off, Turtle gets shot in the dick with Cupid&#039;s arrow and arranged a double date with him, Jamie-Lynn, Brady, and Giselle. It does make sense though that Brady can use the same superpowers that he used to bag Giselle to turn around angry football fans.<br />
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I think Vince was in this episode too. Was he? Oh wait, I remember, he had like 3 lines? Stellar performance in my opinion&#133;<br />
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<div class="media"><div class="embed left"><img src="http://2.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/1/e/collegehumor.c82306c107a9eb427030ea3e570018d3.jpg" width="150" height="218" /></div></div>E talks shop all day with Murray Barrington who he was told requested to play with him. Murray asks E to work at his big agency and thinks he could learn a lot. E begins to consider it until he realizes that Sloan asked Murray to take a look at him. E uses his amazing Napoleon Complex to flip out and is determined to convince Sloan that he is not Vince&#039;s bitch, but in fact that he <i>is</i> Sloan&#039;s bitch. But don&#039;t blame the kid, I would walk on all fours and bark like a dog all day for Sloan (of course with occasional breaks for sex). He ends up turning down the job in his prideful state and returns home to his pre-teen, I mean teen-age, I mean twenty-six year old girlfriend Ashley. They were playing house the night before and now as they were getting ready for bed, E accidentally calls her Sloan. Again don&#039;t blame E for accidentally calling someone Sloan, I call my FleshLight Sloan and that is completely on purpose. <br />
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These 12 weeks until Vince&#039;s movie shoot starts are going to go very slow unless we start to see some action fast. Next week we&#039;ll see Drama and Jamie-Lynn&#039;s kissing scene, Turtle going back to school, and we get to see Ari and the Mrs. fighting (I hope Mrs. Ari gets naked when she&#039;s angry).</p><p><br />
</p><p>Closing Credit Song: What Means The World To You by Cam&#039;Ron.<br />
</p><p><b>Some questions for you guys</b>:</p><p>Do you think it&#039;s odd that Turtle was at first hating the idea of being known as Jamie-Lynn&#039;s boyfriend but now loves that this new relationship is getting him even more connections (Tom Brady and Giselle)?</p><p>How do you think Ari will feel about E getting offered a job at a different agency?<br />
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Thanks for reading!<br />
</p>nonadultcomedy
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/post/5383096http://www.collegehumor.com/post/5383096/running-on-e
Mon, 03 Aug 2009 03:04:53 -0400/post/5383096http://www.collegehumor.com/post/5383096/running-on-e
Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 -0500<p><div class="media"><div class="embed right"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/9/c/collegehumor.539ff159763cf7e81731568cbef1ae14.jpg" width="150" height="210" /></div></div>Vince at home Facebooking? Ari and E in a bromance? Turtle a scholar? There is only one thing that could make this episode crazier: David Schwimmer actually getting work.<br />
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An unexpected delay in the shooting of Vince&#039;s next movie gives our guys an extra 12 weeks to hang out. Vince seems pretty bummed about it, which is kinda how I would feel if I was a millionaire famous celebrity living in a mansion in California. Vince eagerly tries to enroll the gang to hang out and travel with him, but everyone&#039;s way too busy, which again would be my reaction to such a predicament.<br />
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Turtle goes back-to-school shopping with Jamie-Lynn. It reminded me of when I went shopping with my mom, but in Turtle&#039;s case I would have gotten a lot more boners. He&#039;s getting the kid-with-divorced-parents-treatment having a sugar-daddy and sugar-mommy living in separate houses. Jamie-Lynn&#039;s paying for an all-new wardrobe, but Vince tosses him some walking around money, too. It kind of inspired me to quit my job and start smoking weed everyday in hopes that a hot Italian mob daughter will wisk me away.<!-- readmore --><br />
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Aside from late night pillow talk on the phone with Ari, E hasn&#039;t been up to much. He goes into the office but doesn&#039;t get any calls, plays on the computer all day, and, oh yeah, breaks in the leather couch with Ashley. It reminded me of my job except there&#039;s a lot more Facebooking and a lot less sex. <br />
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Only Drama can make out with sixty women 25 times each and claim he didn&#039;t even raise wood. He is working hard though, the show is starting to pay off for him and with Turtle&#039;s loaner (Jamie) to Drama for a kissing scene, I think good things are coming. Maybe getting Drama in Eddie Burns&#039;s movie?<br />
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<div class="media"><div class="embed left"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/7/e/collegehumor.bdf1ebb707a234240d73ae6ee113ffa6.jpg" width="150" height="191" /></div></div>Ari is in some shit, thanks to spaz Andrew Kline. Although, I would probably cry too if I lost my girlfriend to David Schwimmer. After the huge meeting with Schwimmer, Lizzie (the hot junior agent), after making a promise to Ari to make up for the affair, captures Schwimmer&#039;s attention by suggesting a different character for him and she scores a meeting at the beach. Andrew plays the crazy stalker ex-boyfriend and follows them and cock blocks David. <br />
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I&#039;m pretty sure we all knew Andrew would screw everything up after seeing his recent breakdowns and Ari&#039;s weakness in dealing with him. But at least he signed David Schwimmer, right? I mean that&#039;s probably worth all that Ari has had to put up with so far.<br />
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Andrew ends up leaving his wife after misinterpreting Ari&#039;s advice to get his head out his ass. Ari&#039;s going to feel the pain, too, because he told Mrs. Ari that Andrew definitely wasn&#039;t having an affair; and now she was just told by Mrs. Kline that the break-up was Ari&#039;s idea. Oh what tangled webs lies weave.<br />
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I&#039;m not quite impressed as to what Lloyd has had to do so far. I was hoping something more along the line of delivering human shit to Adam Davies, but maybe that&#039;s coming up soon. <br />
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The main revelation we found out from last night was that E is shutting down The Murphy Group, mainly because of slow business and E&#039;s overall lack of purpose in life. This insinuates that E has given up making a name for himself and is happy being a true member of Vince&#039;s entourage by just hanging out all the time. I&#039;m sure Vince is a little too happy to see E fail just so he could have a buddy around again. He didn&#039;t expect E to turn down a free trip to Paris to hang out with Ashley, however. This was perhaps the poorest choice made in the whole episode because Ashley sucks, but hopefully we won&#039;t have to put up with her shenanigans much longer.<br />
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Ending Credit Song: &quot;Standing On The Shore&quot; by Empire Of The Sun<br />
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Next week we&#039;ll look forward Sloan in sexy golf attire, a cameo by Mark Wahlberg, and E getting a new job opportunity.<br />
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</p>nonadultcomedy
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