Because sometimes hiding behind a pen and paper is the only way we can express our true thoughts and feelings

Month

September 2016

Usually when I say this, it’s most likely because someone took a picture of me while I was talking or thinking of what pose to strike, and hence I’d respond with, “but I wasn’t ready now!” However,that phrase took on a new meaning to me a few months ago.

While I was still in my final year of University , I was looking to apply to different schools because I wanted to pursue a Master’s degree program. However, my final year project supervisor thought I would be a perfect candidate to do a PhD under him. Now, to be honest, I wasn’t very enthusiastic about the whole PhD thing. I mean, I was just rounding up 4 years of school… I didn’t want to do 4 more. But he wasn’t having any of that! So, as the good daughter that I am, I brought the issue to my parents, and to my utter surprise, they wanted me to do it! Ah, I couldn’t deal.

Anyways, I had to apply for funding and people were like, success rate for this funding is only 10%, so I wasn’t feeling too optimistic like that. I mean, 10% and there would be people who had Master’s degrees, better QCA’s, more work experience etc.

So I was pretty chill, I didn’t think about it much. Once the application process was over, I focused on graduating from Uni and I even applied to some Master’s programs.

The results were meant to come out in June, but they didn’t. Now, I was a bundle of nerves, because in as much as I didn’t like the idea of 4 more years in school, the thought of getting the funding was exciting. Fast forward to July and one evening, while I’m in my room, I get an email…. And lo and behold I got the funding!

For the next few days, everyone was congratulating me, calling me Dr. Sharon, praising God, telling me they knew I’d get it, etc. For me, I was still in shock.

The following week though, it finally hit me. I was going back to Ireland. I was going to do a PhD. This wasn’t part of the plan! Things just got complicated, and I wasn’t ready, so I cried.

I think it’s safe to say I cried almost every day for like a month (Lol, joking!).

Everyone was so happy for me, but all I could think was, “I’m not ready”. I hadn’t made my peace with it, I hadn’t planned on it, I wasn’t prepared for it.

Because I wasn’t optimistic about getting the funding, I didn’t even do basic research on the whole process, and fam, now that it had happened I was just overwhelmed. For a long time I just didn’t know what to do or how to act. On the outside I was all smiles, but on the inside I felt helpless…

That experience taught me something. Sometimes we aren’t ready for what life throws our way. Those times are scary. So very scary and often we get caught up in the fact that we aren’t ready. We didn’t plan it all out, we don’t have it all figured. However, God is faithful and He has honestly given us the grace to overcome the things that come our way. Most times though, it doesn’t seem that way. It legit feels like life is spiralling out of control. But that you and I feel like everything is going out of control doesn’t mean that it is.

So sure, it’s scary and I still don’t feel 100% ready, but I’m here, and whether I’m ready or not, I’m going to do this thing. I have to spread my wings and fly. Sometimes that’s all it takes. You don’t realize how strong you are, or how capable you are until you find yourself in a position where you don’t have any other reasonable option and you just have to have a go at it.

Life isn’t in the habit of waiting for us to get ready and things often change in the blink of an eye. There is no secret to dealing with unexpected events, life will go on with or without you. You have to decide to not be left behind. You have to decide to move on even when it seems like you’re crippled with fear and anxiety.

You have to move, because if you don’t move, you will be left behind, and you will miss out on the wonderful opportunities that lie ahead.

So I wasn’t going to post this. I wasn’t even going to put down these thoughts because my mind was conflicted.

However, the thought has been with me since last night and I’m learning not to hesitate when it comes to sharing.

So here it goes.

I grew up thinking I never had a choice. I guess as a child that was all fine and good because I was a child and as such I couldn’t make a lot of decisions for myself.However, as I grew up and grew older I still felt like I never had a choice. I felt like my life was set in stone and I could never question anyone. If I was told to do something I never thought I could say no. I always felt like I had to agree to everything and accept everything. I had opinions and I had views, I had thoughts concerning issues, but it just never occurred to me that I could choose. It never occurred to me that I could say no, that if I didn’t want to do something I didn’t have to. I mean, I did things for the mere reason that I was asked to do them. Even things I didn’t agree with and things I low key felt were wrong.

The realisation that I had a choice in everything, a choice in life came to me when I was reading Chimamanda Adichie’s book “Americanah”. It was then I realised that you always have a choice. In EVERYTHING. Nothing is set in stone and if something makes you uncomfortable you have the right the choose and the right to back away and the right to say no.

It’s such a simple revelation, but I know I’m not the only person who has felt like they never had a choice. But hey, you do have a choice. Your choices may not please everyone, actually, they most definitely will not please everyone, but that’s fine. You were not brought to this world to make everyone happy.

So the next time you’re faced with a decision, the next time someone asks you to do something, or tells you to do something, the next time you feel stuck in life, remember this. You have a choice. You have a choice to move on, a choice to grow, a choice to achieve. You have a choice to do whatever you want to do. Nothing is set in stone and honestly, in most cases the worst that’ll happen is someone might be disappointed. But like I said. You didn’t come to this world to please everyone, you didn’t come to this world to do things simply because you were asked. You have a choice, it’s your life and therefore you have a say. In the things you do, the places you go, the people you interact with and everything in between !

Over the last few weeks, God has been teaching me about obedience.It’s been a slow process to be honest, ’cause I’m very stubborn and when God says do something, I just like to give Him all the reasons why I shouldn’t or why its not a great idea!

One of the verses God has been using to teach me is Genesis 26:4-5

“I will make your descendants as numerous as the starts in the sky and I will give them all these lands, and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed, because Abraham obeyed me and did everything I required of him, keeping my commands, my decrees and my instructions.“

There are blessings attached to obedience and you have to learn to obey God in the little things He asks of you, and in everything He asks of you.

If you’re wondering why God hasn’t given you more responsibilities, or hasn’t opened certain doors for you, ask yourself, “have I been obedient in the little that He has asked of me?” If you can’t obey Him when he says “talk to that young man over there” how then will you obey Him when He says “give your car to that sister” or “go and lay hands on that brother”

Anyways, I actually had no intention of writing all that, but O well, I guess God had other plans.

So the reason I decided to post today is simply to bring good news!

Remember when I ran a poll about starting a podcast? Well, *drum roll please* I have finally gotten my podcast up and running! I’m super excited about it, and even though I’m still working on the site and I’m under no illusion that it’s going to be all roses and ice cream, I am still excited for the journey!

You can listen to my very first episode here! I look forward to hearing your feedback!

May 2016, I had great plans for my summer! I had planned to do lots of travelling to different countries, but that didn’t really work out for me.

So when I found myself back in the motherland (Nigeria) before I was ready, I told myself, “well in that case, you’ll just have to travel round Nigeria!”

Lol, I truly laugh at my wishful thinking! I mean, I think I knew I was lying to myself at that point, but I just decided to believe the lie…

Anyways, I spent my summer in Kaduna, Nigeria. All 3 months of it, I don’t think I left kd even once, but do you know what? I don’t regret it at all!

I had one of my busiest summers ever and I loved it.

One of the things I did was join the technical crew/media department in my church. That was definitely an experience! The first time I was asked to take pictures during the service, I almost passed out with fear! Me? Stand? In front of hundreds of people, just to take pictures? I was so self conscious of the whole process, my first few shots weren’t great! But as I got into it, I fell in love with the whole process of capturing different parts of the service.

I learnt very fast what it meant to humble yourself before God and worship him in spirit and in truth.

I was given the opportunity to watch people every week go prostrate before God, and I made up my mind, that I’d never take worship for granted. Because in those times of worship, we are exposed to the glory of God, in those times when we surrender our all to God, He in turn shows us His heart.

I didn’t get to travel this summer, but I got to experience God from a different perspective and I wouldn’t swap that for anything in the world!

Things may not always go as you plan, but God has his master plan and he’s very good at turning the things we see as disappointments into things of joy.