The news that Andrew Keegan has started his own religion (Doucheology, I believe) isn’t exactly surprising. Los Angeles is basically the epicenter of buffet-style spirituality. And if we’re being honest, there are plenty of celebrities who, if we heard they’d started their own cult, would pique our interest. Andrew Keegan (of Joey Donner fame and, umm… what else? Camp Nowhere? Sure, let’s go with that) just isn’t one of them. Here are a few who could at least get us to visit their commune, maybe take a tiny sip of the Kool-Aid, just to try it out.

1. Kristen Bell and the Church of the Five-Foot Woman
Where the tiny rule all. With regular appearances by First Apostle Anna Kendrick.

2. Christ Pratt’s Abdominologists
Beer is banned in this church, but enlightenment comes in the form of amazing abs.

4. Matthew McConaughey’s Great McConaughssance Devotion
Dedicated to the career comeback. Services are comprised mostly of drunken ramblings on the nature of time, the darkness of humanity, and achieving happiness through shirt removal.