Wednesday, April 23, 2014

D&D Puns and Stuff

Okay folks, not much new to show off this week so I'll regale you with some of my gaming puns that I regularly tweet (yes I tweet: @GamersTableMike). Hate em or love em, puns have been a staple of my D&D humor for years. Standard apologies if you've hard any of these before. Enjoy (or not)...

Skeleton armies have a particular skull set.

Combat tactics: Fallen Footmen need Archer support.

Alcoholic Genies crawl into bottles.

Humanoid drunks go to orcaholics anonymous.

We had to pay to use the Troll bridge because we missed the Faerie crossing.

On the hole I always fall for pit traps.

If those Harpies have treasure they're not talon.

I think my next dungeon is going to have lizard men, kobolds, a hydra or basilisk and a few dragons in it. Or should I "scale" it back a bit?

When battling a dragon you don't need a plan, just wing it.

After going back to my roots, I overused Treants. Time for me to branch out again.

Battling a Rust Monster tests a fighters' metal.

Cockatrices and Gorgons turn people to stone? What a cock and bull story!

They say two heads are better than one, but it does take some Ettin used to.

Yuan-ti? Of course I want tea. That's a silly question.

When does all the mythic creatures party? Satyr Day!

Perseus wanted to ask out Medusa but he was too petrified.

Why are Ogres so jumpy? You would be too if you ate Brownies and Sprite all day.

Most D&D players hate solving riddles. They think it Sphinx.

Crossbows are no fun to be around and Shortbows are no good in a conversation.

Where in a forest can you find a unicorn? Near the Centaur.

Gelatinous cubes are fearless because they have nothing to ooze.

Wizards are easy to hit in melee because they skipped Armor Class.

I hadn't seen my mom's sister Galadriel for a thousand years and she remembered my name. It's true, an elf aunt never forgets.

Contact Mortellan

"The Savant-Sage and Pluffet Smedger the Elder are part of the past. The World of Greyhawk Fantasy Setting is yours now, to do with as you wish. You can mold new states from old, or inflame ancient rivalries into open warfare, as you tailor the world to suit the needs of your players. The time has come for new legends to be created, new battles to be fought, new songs to be sang. It is your world - welcome to it!"
-Steve Winter & Allan Hammack

An almost exclusively Greyhawk centric blog that provides more information about areas of the world than you knew existed. The author is a major contributor to Canonfire and the Gamerstable podcast.

Disclaimery

All original material on this site is copyrighted by Michael 'mortellan' Bridges, and should not be reproduced without permission. The same goes for links to art, articles, maps and fan-fiction by other authors. Names, likenesses of characters and references to things such as Dungeons & Dragons or the World of Greyhawk and its derivatives are all registered trademarks of Wizards of the Coast, Inc.® and their use here intends no infringement to those rights. The same goes for any other game company out there such as Paizo Publishing, Troll Lord or Pied Piper Publishing. This blog is purely for informative and entertainment purposes so lighten up and enjoy!