Thursday, November 17, 2016

LSU Student Brilliantly Trolls Anti-Trump Protesters

This was a work of art that was published in "The Daily Reveille", which is LSU’s student newspaper. The “student”, named “Felipe Fuentes” wrote a letter that complained about the trauma he and other Trump opponents suffered.

Here’s the letter:

Last week, The Daily Reveille reported that University students disturbed by Donald Trump’s electoral coup d’etat met in a safe space to offer one another emotional support and have an “unapologetic conversation” about our nation’s current state of affairs. Since the meeting, my fellow attendees have endured vicious attacks from self-described “Trump trolls.”

In walking around campus, I’ve heard a number of these Trump trollers refer to students suffering from PTSD (Post-Trump Stress Disorder) as “delicate snowflakes,” “Clinton cry babies,” “Crying Cosbys” (not sure why) and “whiny little b*tches.” This sort of hurtful language and unrestrained speech has absolutely no place in our democracy or on a campus as diverse and as respectful of alternative views and free speech as ours.

I, as a Chilean refugee, self-identify as a progressive and as a Hispanic (gender TBD), and I was one of these “delicate snowflakes” whose fragile heart was shattered by Trump’s use of the democratic process to secure his authoritarian rise to power. Tragically, this “delicate little flower’s” healing process has yet to take root amid the toxic genetically modified soil that currently infects our campus.

Fortunately, I have a simple solution for bringing about true healing and social justice on our campus. The University should grant those of us who have been traumatized by Trump’s takeover unlimited access to a completely safe and insulated healing space right here on campus – a place where we can shield ourselves from this traumatic reality for however long we need to repair our shattered hearts and psyches.

The LSU AgCenter Greenhouse would be the ideal space, given our widely shared love for the environment and aversion to carbon dioxide and genetically modified foods. But the University owes us more than just an environmentally-friendly safe space. It also owes us a sense of security from outsiders who might seek to infringe on our way of life.

I therefore propose the University build a wall around our greenhouse, lined with bubble wrap from the inside and sharp shards of glass on the outside, to keep out people who aren’t like us and therefore might threaten our delicate sensibilities. It should be a big, beautiful wall. And it should have a big, beautiful door for those who would like to truly begin the emotional healing process.

Most importantly, the University should make the college Republicans pay for this wall. Let’s face it: the college Republicans aren’t sending their best and brightest to our campus. They’re sending marauders. They’re sending Trump trolls. Worst of all, they’re sending radical evangelical terrorists and it’s about time someone has the courage to use the term.

That’s why I am bravely calling for a total and complete shutdown of all white privileged students entering our safe space until our University’s representatives can figure out what the hell is going on. This is common sense, folks. We have to do it. To the extent we do allow any privileged white males into our safe space, we should subject them to extreme vetting. I’m talking big league.

I realize these proposals might seem radical. But desperate times call for desperate measures. Our country and our campus is being stolen from us by citizens who think they can use the democratic process to achieve their desired ends. The world is changing too fast, and many of us feel like we can’t keep up. We can’t find jobs anymore.

We don’t feel safe anymore. We don’t beat Alabama anymore. Donald Trump has taken the tiny snow globes we’ve become so accustomed to into his tiny Cheeto-covered hands and turned our world upside down. Simply put, this is not the sort of “change we should believe in.”

If we truly want to make this campus and this country great again, I’m asking the progressive wing of the LSU student body to come together inside our isolated little echo chamber and get behind this wall. Behind this wall, we can feel safe again. And the only thing we’ll have to fear is freedom itself. Students of the LSU community, unite. We have nothing to lose but our change.

Felipe Fuentes self-identifies as a 27-year-old non-matriculating student at Louisiana State University. Clearly, the writer wasn’t just trolling left-wing nuts, he was also trolling Trump and conservatives as well. It was a part of why the letter was brilliant. It dinged everybody, which is the best kind of political comedy.

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is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning example of a placental mammal, who from time to time casually shrugs off a promising career as a technical innovator and major driving force in the recording industry to throw rubber chickens at the leftist loonies on the interwebz. Also, she is very modest, and truthful. She presently resides in a broken down voodoo shack somewhere in the wilds of Northwest Louisiana.

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