opinion: the concept of age in a relationship

Coming off of a discussion yesterday that I’ve had with some close sisters, I came to realize that age matters differently than how I’d initially thought in a couple relationship. What previously seemed to be an issue of generation gap and the wisdom that follows, became (not replaced but) enhanced with the notion of priorities. It’s the priorities that, depending on whether they match or not, come to lead to a connection (rather than merely knowing one another).

That’s how sometimes, relationships with a big age gap can work, while others are better off remaining single with the fading question of “what if”.

(Though of course, absolutely nothing is guaranteed.)

Simply put, age will help when priorities connect snugly like two puzzle pieces. Regarding factors like family, work, marriage, and even self, a person of any age can center their life on focusing on any particular aspect(s), and gear their thinking, planning, and most importantly time to that project. And of course, while lovers can always adjust if they are willing, the desired direction that one wishes to steer their life towards remains consistent. Past the initial butterflies and daydreams, there remains the routine – and will it still include the two of you together? Or will settling down into a routine mean that now, with the foundation all set, you go off doing your own thing again and so does s/he? This is where a lot of conflicts seem to occur for any pair, but even this depends wholly on whether someone just wants to have fun, as opposed to settling down (which goes under the ‘marriage’ and ‘self’ categories).

All this to say, age is certainly a factor, mainly through the common association of young-in’s wanting to explore and adults wanting to settle down. But I’d like to think that age doesn’t always determine the desired direction of one’s life, and it’s really a case-by-case basis. Age is just one of the many side determinants that can influence one’s choices in life, both in the short- and long-run. Sometimes it can affect a relationship much later, or on a bigger scale – otherwise, it can lead to a blessed success.

With that being said, it’s completely normal to me if a couple with a large age gap (think 8-9 at most – not 10-14, which is another story personally) click together. And even if they don’t seem like the next one to suddenly throw a wedding party, to try it out.