Across-the-Board (acrosstheboardblog.com)

This entertainment blog showcases crazy news, pictures, and celebrity gossip. Occasionally, I talk about my life as well. Consider it slapdash if you will, I prefer to describe my actions as... Across the Board. Updated whenever I feel like it.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

"Our friend accidentally left his sunroof open. We accidentally filled it with the rest of the school's papers."

Guy pisses in cop's gas tank then runs

Edward Cuebas, a 31-year-old Georgia man, was arrested Friday afternoon for urinating in the gas tank of a marked Savannah police car during the city's rollicking St. Patrick's Day celebration.

That's right, Cuebas, an Army captain, tried to top off the tank of a marked cruiser from the Savannah-Chatham Metropolitan Police, according to the below incident report.

When officers in a second vehicle spotted Cuebas pressed against the patrol car, they called him over to their car. He responded by running away, while "simultaneously placing his penis back in his pants."

Cuebas was quickly apprehended and eventually charged with public indecency, criminal trespass, and interference with government property, all misdemeanors. Amazingly, he was not hit with any booze-related counts, though you have to figure Cuebas was a bit toasted when he approached that gaping gas cap.

Jenna Jameson's vibrating dildo batteries

Damn! We all missed the auction for "the batteries that were used in Jenna Jameson's last porno film in her vibrating dildo". You read correctly, yes- these were actually auctioned on eBay... and yes of course, somebody did buy them. Click here to see the actual eBay listing.

Mother sues Pizza-Hut over sauce burn

It's been quite a year for Lora Yochim. In January, she made national headlines by giving birth to quadruplets. Last month, Yochim married her sweetheart, Billy Friddle.

And on Friday, she filed a lawsuit against Taco Bell Corp., seeking more than $15,000 in damages. Yochim, a Bradenton, Florida native, said she suffered a second-degree burn after red breadstick sauce spilled on her right leg in March 2002.

It burned through her blue jeans, according to the suit filed in circuit court. Yochim bought the food at a joint Taco Bell-Pizza Hut restaurant owned and operated by Taco Bell Corp.

She said she had been talking with a lawyer about the incident for several years, and that they had tried to reach a settlement with the company. Yochim, 33, denied the lawsuit had anything to do with her children.

"I don't want people to think I'm doing this just because of my kids," she said. "It has nothing to do with my babies."

In her lawsuit against Taco Bell Corp., it cites they should have warned her the sauce was so hot and that it could fall out of the box container.

Due to the fact this is another stupid fast-food lawsuit where the customer is just a freakin’ moron... I really have no comment about this. I think everyone realizes she's just trying to get easy money. Article here.

Teen shot dead for walking on man's lawn

Fifteen-year-old Larry Mugrage was on his way home to get a video game when he was shot dead, said a neighbor whose teenage stepsons and brother were regular playmates of the victim.

"He was just walking home," Alicia Holt said.

The afternoon shooting followed a confrontation four hours earlier between the teen and another neighbor, 66-year-old Charles Martin, after Mugrage had stepped on the lawn of Martin's Hawthorne Drive home, Holt said.

"He came out cussing at Larry," said Holt, 24, who lives several houses away from Martin's and Mugrage's homes on the same side of the street. "They just had words."

Union Township police have charged Martin with murder. Police said Martin fired two rounds from a .410-gauge shotgun at the teen. An autopsy will determine if more than one blast struck the victim.

Martin called 911 Sunday to report the shooting. "I just killed a kid," he calmly told the 911 operator. Martin said the victim, his parents and other youths had been harassing him for five years.

One big-ass-eye-blinding wall clock!

Young women out-drink men in the UK

Young women are out-drinking men of the same age in the UK but in no other European country, experts are warning. Analysis of a Europe-wide study also shows that alcohol consumption in southern Mediterranean countries is falling, but rising in northern Europe.

Professor Moira Plant of the University of West of England, a specialist in alcohol studies, warned that if young women in Britain continued to drink in this way, that they could present problems for the health service in the future.

She said: "Britain seems to be the only country in which women are overtaking young men in the 18 to 24 age group." She said that elsewhere, and in the past in Britain, women tended to drink in a much safer way than men.

Professor Plant said that some of the reasons women used not to drink so extensively was because they feared for their physical safety when they did.

A spokeswoman for campaign group Alcohol Concern said: "Recent trends in women's drinking are certainly cause for concern, and we're pleased that this study shifts the issue away from simply being about alcohol-related disorder and the 'ladette' culture, and actually addresses the real health risks of drinking too much. Article here.

The receptacle on Pit Stop is supposed to be mounted to the wall near the trucker's sleeper bunk. However, the makers of Pit Stop says that they're committed to helping truckers eliminate unplanned stops. So, are truckers supposed to use this while driving, or what?

Man sinks into mud- then dies?

A man chased into an open field on foot by sheriff's deputies early Tuesday sank into a quagmire (a soft wet area of low-lying land that sinks underfoot) and died after deputies were unable to rescue him.

County sheriff's Sgt. Don Peritz says deputies had stopped the man in his vehicle for having an outdated registration sticker. They say the man fled into a nearby field after deputies learned he'd identified himself falsely.

According to the spokesman, deputies searched for about an hour before they found the man sunk up to his waist in a quagmire. They tried repeatedly over several hours to pull him out, but they, too, called for help after they began sinking into the cold mud.

The man eventually died before he could be removed.

Peritz says it's not known why the man died, and an autopsy is planned, but he says the man, who hasn't been identified, told his would-be rescuers that he had a medical condition.

Wait- what? He was up to his waist in mud, and then he just died? WTF? How the hell does that happen? I feel like they police aren’t telling us something here… article here.

Nerd-boner-alert! 3000 iBooks in one room

Clothing-optional RV park in Missouri?

A resort often means welcomed economic development for a rural area, but some folks in Lonedell, Missouri aren't very happy with a plan for a place to get an all-over tan.

Lawrence Enterprises is seeking a permit to build a clothing-optional RV park and campground. Details will be discussed Tuesday at a meeting of the local zoning commission.

Company president Lawrence Schulz said the skinny on skinny-dipping is that it's good business and will attract nudists from across the U.S. and Europe. But neighbor Stephanie York is worried vacationers dropping their drawers could drive down property values in the area.

Yeah, this is exactly what Missouri needs to break all the stereo-types that exist about their state- a naked RV park. Sweet move dude. But, on the other hand- who knows, maybe this is a smart move? Instead of fighting the ‘red-neck’ image, maybe they should embrace it. Lonedell, Missouri could be on the brink of creating a venue for a pilgrimage that rednecks all around the world will want to partake in. Whatever. Article here.

He's thinking: Yeah! Happy Birthday to me!

Professor dragged and killed by crocodile

A University of Washington medical professor who moved to Botswana to alleviate a doctor shortage was killed when a crocodile dragged him from a canoe, his family and colleagues said.

Richard K. Root, 68, was on a wildlife tour Sunday of the Limpopo River after visiting a clinic in the area.

He was in a lead canoe with tour guides when the crocodile thrust from the water, grabbed him and pulled him under, said Steve Gluckman, medical director of the Botswana program. He was not seen again.

The tour guides were wary of hippos, but there had been no reports of crocodile attacks in the area, Gluckman said.

Root was a nationally known expert in infectious disease and the former chief of medicine at Seattle's Harborview Medical Center. He had moved to the southern African nation only this month to train health care workers to deal with AIDS.

Dude! This is like something straight out of a movie! If I was on this ‘wildlife tour’ I really wouldn’t believe my eyes if I saw this happen. Article here.

I double-dog-dare you to turn the light-off

Teacher ties noose around students neck?

A substitute teacher will spend a year on probation for tying a mock noose around a young boy's neck during an after-school program.

Prosecutors said Albert Coleman, Jr. wanted to punish the boy for not following instructions to do his homework. He asked the boy if he knew what strangulation was, made him stand on a chair, then put the looped end of a decorative string that was hanging from a light fixture around the boy's neck and kicked the chair, prosecutors said.

Coleman, 61, had told a grand jury he was only playing and that the string was never around the boy's neck. A judge last month found Coleman guilty of assault and disorderly conduct and sentenced him last week to a year probation.

Coleman avoided jail time because he had no prior criminal record, Assistant Essex County Prosecutor Mark Ali said in Tuesday's Star-Ledger of Newark. The conviction prevents Coleman from ever working as a teacher again.

The family of the boy, now 9, has filed notice that it intends to sue the Newark school district, Coleman and others.

So how could you ever think that this is a good idea in disciplining a kid? What lesson would you be teaching? Not following instructions = death by a noose? Putting a noose around a kid is some pretty damaging imagery, let alone the psychological implications. Article here.

"So is a unicorn just a horse that has one horn sticking out of its head? Oh."

"I’d rather massage a chick with pudding."

"We’re getting a cat and we’re naming it taint."

"You should send her a text message and say that you want to rub her down with
applebutter"

"Never send a girl carnations unless you want her to say, 'Crap, I got
carnations.'"

"I've decided photos of girls on boats are sexier than photos of girls on the
beach."

"I’m worried that I’m going to run out of people to ask to be friends on Facebook."

"Eat it with your hands it's tomato-saucy!"

"I hate when movies try to make food visually stimulating."

"She's been living for 16 years in KY jelly./Yeah, that can't be good on your
eyebrows"

"I think pregnant ladies are scary"

"I think we should wait till it's late./When we get back it will be late./Exactly"

"The party is at Jerry's Bait Shop! OH-OH"

"I can't, I have to start studying for a final I have in two days... and I haven't even
taken the book out of the saran wrap."

"I don’t have to ask her for permission, I just have to persuade her to let me."

"You should have paddled him with your penis at his wedding!"

"Jeez-la-weez!"/Did you really just say Jeez-la-weez?"

"Listen here bucko!/Did you really just say bucko?"

"[Ramsey barges into Paul’s house and interrupts a group of people watching a serious
movie with the lights dimmed], “Paul you’re such a damn liar, and you smell like ham” –
Drunk Ramsey after the Rascal Flatts concert

"(calling me from the casino buffet) Dude -- quit screen your calls, I wanted to tell
you about the crazy amount of food I ate, I seriously, you’re probably going to think this
is an exaggeration but it’s not. [excited] I ate two steaks, probably about 35 shrimp, a
thing of carved turkey, a baked potato crab, a crab rangoon, some fried rice, two rolls, and
a teeny piece of pie at the end. Fucking most food I’ve ever eaten -- this place is fuckin’
[short pause] we have got to start coming here on Thursdays! Anyways, I’ll be home in a
little bit, later bye."

"Birth control is the best invention ever... [pause], so are condoms"

"So I've been thinking of taking up smoking as a hobby..."

"You would of been funny in the 80's"

"I wonder what T.J. Ford is up to?"

"You made out with him because you wanted to feel his suede jacket? That's awesome."