Tuesday, 14 May 2013

Trying to be happy makes you unhappy.....

Now I was going to write a humorous blog this time round but
instead I have opted for a topic I find very interesting and one that seems to
have a lot of attention at the moment………happiness J What does happy feel like? What
does happy mean? How do you know when you are happy? Can someone make you
happy? Or maybe happiness is a state of mind? These are just some of the
questions that pop into my head when I think of the term. Now having been on an
emotional roller-coaster myself the past few years and also suffering with a
form of depression, I found myself always trying to find a way to be happy! In
fact I think it is fair to say I would go to any length to make this happen. I
managed to convince myself that certain factors were contributing to my
unhappiness, such as not having a partner to share my life with! I labelled myself
unhappy. I would set myself high targets of things to achieve in the hope that
once I reached them I would be happy……..however I managed to reach them and still
felt half empty. This is when I started to think, are we all too caught up trying to be happy without realising we already are? And by setting ourselves
unrealistic targets in order to achieve happiness are we therefore just making
ourselves unhappy?

I think the realisation came one day when I decided that
maybe I should pretend to be happy for a day and see how it goes! Kind of
like a spot of acting I suppose. Well I soon discovered that it was actually
quite easy and something I did not have to pretend to do. In fact it was so easy
that I realised I was not acting but just being myself and that I had tricked my
mind and almost convinced myself I was unhappy…….I had learned this behavior all by myself! No self- help book, counselor life style coach was going to
help me, all I needed to do was accept I was happy and live positively with
gratitude for all that was in my life. As Buddha says “No one saves us but
ourselves, no one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path” The path I have now been walking and continue to walk.

Happiness comes in all shapes and sizes, it is in the air we
breathe, we can feel it through touch, we can taste it, we can smell it and
through our senses we can create memories that we remember from sound, such as
music, or smells such as perfumes, now how awesome is that! I am actually
listening to a track right now that takes me back to a particular moment in my
life, I feel, visualise and even smell the memories this song represent for me
and in my gut I feel happy. Finer details of things that truly matter in life
are sometimes pushed to one side as we all seem to live in a society where
everyone is operating at 100 miles an hour, we are so busy and stressed out
that we don’t notice or appreciate our surroundings and take time to
absorb all that is around us. Let me ask you a couple of questions, when was
the last time you walked down the street and said hello to the random person
walking their dog? When was the last time you went into a restaurant with a
massive smile on your face, bursting of energy? When was the last time you
stopped just to talk to a passer-by? I bet you can’t remember, in fact I bet
you probably never have! And the reason for this is because if you did there would
be a group of people laughing and waiting to call you strange or weird, because
today society seems to identify and accept a far more miserable or rude person than
someone who is bubbly and full of enthusiasm……..now how sad is that!

My point is this, no one but yourself can make you happy and
everyone has bad days J
So wear a big smile on your face, make friends, take exercise regularly, have a
healthy diet, get enough sleep, find a job you love doing and embrace every opportunity
you get in life. If something is bringing you down or not flowing naturally
then have the strength to free yourself and concentrate on the things which
bring positivity to your life. I would much rather lead a happy life than a
miserable one. Trust your gut instinct as this is always right.

About Me

Four years ago I found myself in the one situation I never wanted to experience in life, I was a single mum and my daughters father wanted no involvement in our lives. To this day Isla-Mae has never met her biological dad or any of her paternal family. This situation has created a deep passion within me to not only help other single parents but also show how we all go through the same emotions, feeling and behaviours when dealing with parenthood alone. My aim is to build a network where single parents can come for advice, information, support or a shoulder to cry on. I want to show the real me in order for people to relate and feel safe, secure and comfortable in sharing their problems. Dream Bear comes from my daughters favourite teddy bear and has been a huge part in our lives especially as we see him as Isla-Maes friend, counsellor, family member and comfort. Please stay along for the journey it will be bumpy but exciting.