How to recover from a long-relationship break-up

By McKenzie Collins on 2017-01-19

Tips and tricks for recovering from long-term relationship break-ups

It is ironic that we give so much thought to falling in love for the first time, and all the same, do not grace the idea of falling out of love. Worse, of the other individual doing so before us. Young and naive, our first experiences of love are intense. We develop strong feelings and we develop them quickly. To detach ourselves, and it is for the most part inevitable that we will have to, is destined to be a difficult task when it does arise.

This is not to say we should prepare for the circumstance. Doing so would probably only encourage a sooner break-up. Nonetheless, if you are avoiding from hitting a wall, there are a few things you should know. It may save you deeming the end of the world when you reach it.

The truth is, it’s not the end at all. One should trust that things happen for a reason and your break-up is one of them. Sometimes, two people just don’t work together. That’s life. The sooner we realize this, the better. We are not one in a million, much as we are one of a million. People have been here before us. They’ll be here again. The harder times are temporary, and to be out of love is too.

Distract yourself for the time being. Throw yourself into something new. Discover, re-discover or further a passion. Go make something of yourself, even if you have to use your ex as motivation. Turn the situation into something positive. Try not to focus on what was, and focus on the future. Remember that life is as much about finding yourself as it is about finding others.

Focus on personal growth means and ditch the “let’s stay friends” card. Initially, it might sound like a fitting idea, but on rare occasions will it truly work. It only makes things more difficult for both individuals involved. One is bound to gain false hope of a rekindling. So avoid traveling in circles and distance yourself. It might not be what you want, but trust this: it’s what you need.

This person has been a significant part of your life for a long time. The only way to come to terms with change - indeed, with their absence - is to experience it. This is not to say you can’t befriend one another in the future. Re-building the friendship, trusting it’s what you both want, will always be an option later on. For now, allow yourselves time to recover from the break-up. Don’t rush into anything else.

Speaking of rushing things, moving on is a process that takes time too. To simply replace someone is not recovering from them. You’ll only find yourself disappointed. If your heart has been broken, let it be this way. Don’t disregard the pain it’s feeling by trying to feel something equally strong for someone else.

This is not to say feeling nothing for someone else is any more okay. Playing with someone’s feelings purely because you’re at instability with your own is unfair. So take yourself out of the game completely. Learn to be single again. Become comfortable with and by yourself. Reflect, even, on where you may have gone wrong in your previous relationship. Understand that people make mistakes. Whether it was you or your ex at fault, try with might to let go of resentment. Find it within you to be neutral.

Remember, of all, that for it was a long relationship, the recovery process is destined to also take some time. If you find yourself thinking about your partner, or yearning for the past, know that this is normal. In time, however, these thoughts will deplete. You will move on, you will find happiness elsewhere, and you will find happiness with someone else too. For now, smile and remember pain is temporary; good things, they are always to come.