A Definitive Ranking of Miley's Bangerz Tour Looks [Updated]

Spoiler: Most are tied for first place.

With costumes from designers including Jeremy Scott, Marc Jacobs, and The Blonds, Miley Cyrus's Bangerz wardrobe was always going to be stellar. And it does not disappoint one bit, with everything you'd expect from Miley amped up to new fashion heights. That is, there are sparkly leotards with hella high crotches, some ostrich feathers, and lots of adorable little Chanel purses.

Note: This list will be updated (and possibly revised) as the tour continues and Miley finds new things in her wardrobe — it's now featuring looks from the European dates. (At least six looks designed by Roberto Cavalli have yet to debut; I'm also waiting for her McSchino sweater.) But here goes for now:

1. The gingham-print leotard with ostrich feather shoulders.

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This is the sort of outfit that ensures you're the most talked about showgoer at the State Fair. Just make sure you don't get a grease stain on your blouse after you eat something so wrong it's right (but still wrong for your bowels).

The stand-out look from Miley's first London show, even if the all-American accessories don't quite work. It's a little unfortunate that she's not singing "Rule Brittania" in this costume, but "Party in the USA" is also an acceptable choice.

1. And the glitzy two piece also with ostrich feather shoulders.

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I feel pretty confident that drag queens (at least those who can tuck well) are already ripping off their versions of this look for encore performances of "We Can't Stop (Anal Sex Remix)." There's just too much sparkly mirrored goodness to be ignored. And if they're not, well, then I just came up with a great idea.

1. The marijuana leotard (also pictured above).

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How can diamante emblazoned drugs be bad, after all? Also, the pic of Miley on the left here is my favorite recent shot of her.
P.S. Accessorizing with a random fan's panties is a good look too. Who would have thought it?

(Worn with marijuana sunglasses, so you know she's still toking up in spirit/backstage after the show.) Bonus points for the fact that some of these dollar bills appear to feature Miley's face in place of a President. Is it too early to suggest a Clinton/Cyrus ticket?

1. The mouthy sequin leotard.

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A new costume Miley debuted in London, this leotard take on Miley's signature tongue wiggle is AMAZING. There's a big tongue on her bustline and a big tongue on her ass and so it obviously resonates just as literally as it does *~mETapHoRiCaLLy~*.

1. And the oversize tongue tee.

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I just love everything about this but particularly the ostentatiousness of wearing a T-shirt with your own photo on it. Also the sequin-covered lips because they remind me of those awful/brilliant "lip tattoo appliques" I secretly wish I were brave enough to wear to work. (I work from home and I'm still too timid #sadbuttrue.)

1. The leotard that comes with a Blanche Devereaux-style negligee.

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You can NEVER go wrong with something that Blance Devereaux would wear. (That is, in fact, my changing room mantra.)

1. The above leotard but with a skirt attached, perhaps or likely to be ripped off at some point?

Because again, Blanche Devereaux would approve. Miley, please invite me to your next slumber party — I always have the juiciest ideas for truth or dare.

1. And then this outfit again, except this time in a nice bright yellow.

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Let's hope Miley actually owns this look in EVERY color.

1. The (raunchy) figure skating costume-style leotard.

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Bonus points for the foam finger; more bonus points for the backup dancer dressed as a joint.

1. The Big Bird fur coat.

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Lovely in its own right and anything involving a giant, phallic hot dog needs to be #1 in my book.

1. And the Big Bird fur coat worn over a hooded leotard.

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This variation on the leotard theme also debuted in London. A hood is necessary because it rains so much, I guess.

1. The furry assless chaps.

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While Miley wears more than one pair of assless chaps during her show (of course she does), this is the only pair to land the #1 spot. It's controversial, but I stand by it. These leg pieces would be just at home in a disco carwash as they are here on stage.

2. The celestial jumpsuit.

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It's pretty, sure, and very reminiscent of the night sky. But is it really fun enough for Miley? No. Wake me up when it turns out the crotch lights up or something fancy, otherwise send this back to J.Lo's team, circa 2011.

3. The sequined stars and stripes leotard.

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While I am not American myself, I'm not marking Miley down for her patriotism one bit. God save Queen Miley, you know? (Wrong anthem, but oh well.) I cannot deal with those teeth, though, not at all. Maybe because I am British (see above)?

4. The track pant assless chaps.

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They just seems too ~~*oBViOus*~~.

5. The funereal dress.

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It just seems too sad, particularly in the context of her poor dead dog Floyd :(

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