Vanity hurts

Just to explain what causes my depression is that I am struggling to earn money for life and I am still stuck at home with my parents who drive me mad half the time.

The latest thing is that I broke up with my girlfriend over a month ago who lives up Scotland and a week later, she contacted me and wanted to be friends with me. I can tell she wants me back, I think. But I do get strong senses that she is just showing of vanity and doing things like going to night clubs, seeing rock bands and such and is giving me strong inpressions that she wants me to envy her and make me look bad in front of other people.

I just can't decide at all whether to remain contact with her or dispose her for good.

This is hurting me even more and deciding either will be harmful to me as I perceive.

I just can't see myself moving out and having a life. I feel it's going to end with me homeless and dying. I realy hate living in London.

There is always a 3rd option that you omitted and that is to be happy that she is having a good time? Maybe your depression is distorting your perceptions, as it does most of us, to the point where you only see the negative. I'm sure if you let her go and lose a friend for good you would not be able to mourn her loss for a very long time and bitterness can easily creep into the heart when so many negative thoughts are about.

Well I have been in contact with other friends who know her and they do suspect that she is just a manipulator who wants things her own way by force. I have been thinking for many days now of what I should do and continue to speak with my friends.

Today, I have now decided that she is no good to me, so I have permanently cut off contact with her and completely forget these moments, because this was doing my head in too much and I now begin to see the truth of what her agenda was that is was way beyond vanity.

She will know my final wish from my last fair-written E-mail waiting in her inbox. I now rejoice and feel the weight lifting off me.