when i nodded off for a ten minute nap during, I came to hear the tiniest of detailed sounds all around me. breathing, talking from far away, purrs, birds, fridge, heartbeat, creaks and snaps. And as it happened, they synchronized into this beautiful meditative beat that could only be compared to the most minimal forest sounds.
The walls slipped and the roof turned into moving patterned lace and the cat staring at me from above my couch position had bug eyes that only a horror sci-fi could create..

i miss family, but i’ll be able to see them in a week.
photos and trips to anywheres.
heat waves are long gone, replacing my senses with minimalism.
such beauty.

i watch the leaves fold and twist like a finger gently flipping the pages of a book.
my arms wrap together around my cold thighs.
patchy, always patchy for some reason, like shes saying well come on you only live once.
the smell of sickly sweet mildew falls on my skin, i feel the call.
puzzle pieces, red lips and a pinky flesh like new born children.
sigh.
this trip is taking ages, but faster it moves as i try to slow it. i can see the floor.
i can see the floor, i can’t see the floor.. whistles and tunes of my favourite songs play the best parts and i slowly switch to vivid drips.
i am home.

I want to meet new people, foreigners, hessians, hitchhikers, artists, lovers, hearts.
I don’t know where I am going, I don’t know what I am doing. I am lost.
there is a feeling like my chest is caving in on itself and the release of salt crystals down my cheeks do nothing to relieve it.

If i could choose it, I would stay in bed all day, drifting in and out of dreams and patterns on my walls. I’d never know hunger, I’d never need human contact, I’d never know emotions. It would be my own secret garden.
I am sick…