Daily Submissions

Subdrop

Written By: gracie
-
Nov•
02•11

I don’t know if I’m alone in this, but I’m not always a warm puddle of goo after we play hard. This is very hard on my Sir, and I’ve spent a lot of time either pretending to be better off than I am or avoiding anything that might leave me with that level of emotional drop. I don’t want to do that anymore, though. I like playing hard. I like getting carried away. And I think I’m at a point where we can explore that again.

The hard part is knowing what might be damaging and what is only temporary. Because of my mental state and depression in particular, we’ve always been extra careful. My Sir adores me and worries about my mental well-being. This is a trait I very much appreciate in him, and would never want to change. So how would we go about navigating this? The first rule of relationships is don’t talk about…. wait, that’s wrong. It’s to communicate. So, this is me communicating.

See, we played rough a few days ago and it ended with me in tears, and my Sir felt horrible. When I reassured him that I was okay and he hadn’t done anything that I didn’t want, his first response was to be wary. Because he’s so protective, he figured that if my state isn’t relaxed and glowing by the end that one of us has fucked up. But I’ve been paying close attention, and that’s not the case lately. It’s just that sometimes when we do that sort of thing, it satisfies me in a different way. It does leave me needing a lot of emotional care, but not emotionally damaged.

Does this sound familiar to anyone? If I am understanding correctly, it sounds like subdrop, which seems to be a natural part of playing. I’ve been trying to write this entry for days now and coming up blank, so I thought I would ask people. I want to reassure him that what I go through is normal, but only if it is.

EDIT: It’s been brought to my attention that this post isn’t very descriptive as to what I’m experiencing. Our last bit of hard play left me feeling overstimulated, in tears, drained, emotional and clingy. He thought I should have safeworded, but I told him afterwards that it was exactly what I needed. Which is true, I’ve just got no idea how to explain that more fully.

Hi, I have experienced this quite a bit. I’m very new at the sub thing, and also deeply in love with my master. Everything between us has brought very heightened emotional responses from me, as if, by letting go physically, giving up all control, I am more intimate with him than anyone ever. And when I lie in his arms afterwards, I often have such a feeling of peace that I can’t help but cry softly from happiness. Perhaps not the same exactly, but …