Friday, 14 October 2011

Confusion reigns...

Do you ever get one of those days where there's so much going on in your head that you end up on a full stop?

All the old skills of prioritising the workload, taking frequent breaks, taking a break to walk into the garden or to do a few sit ups, none of them seem to help today and the brain feels 'sluggish'. Maybe I need a lettuce leaf or something.

The website rebuild is truly a numbing task. I'm halfway through the process of rebuilding all the image albums. I've had to change all of the image names, redo the keywords and make the new titles 'searchable' because I want to place a search engine on my site that will help visitors locate specific images as well as catering for the visitors that are happy to spend time browsing my site (http://www.wolf-photography.com/).

I also setup a limited company to protect the company name and am working on other areas to protect the business name. If my son or daughter decide to take over the business in the future, I want the structure to be correct and protected for them. The limited company will be dormant and I'll continue operaing as a sole trader unless things do actually pick up one day. It would nice to be able to break even at the end of every financial year ... but that hasn't happened to date. I remind myself that art and profit don't always go hand in hand and that I'm grateful if I can earn enough to keep working.

A legal issue from my past that needs to be addressed is to the fore but the way forward for me to get satisfaction and closure is cluttered with red tape. The implications are a constant drain on my soul but it's something that I can't let go of. Sometimes something can happen that goes beyong 'wrong' or 'unjust' and needs tackling.

Work is moving slowly on the exhibition front. I've gotten behind as I had to rebuild my PC and then reinstall all the programs I use, as well as retrieving my data from backup sources. It's all here and working now.

Karate is moving along at a reasonable pace. I'm not sure whether I'm improving as the existing injuries are getting worse and I seem to be picking up new ones every now and then. There are times when I can feel the old flow and times when everything locks up and I can't move my body because the muscle memory is pulling my body one way and the mind is telling it to do something else. I do my best though and my Sensei's aware of my difficulties and doesn't make me feel inadequate in anyway as a result of my disabilities. It was good to hear some of the club members talking about ethos, honour and responsibility as we sat around a table supping on blackcurrant and sodas. The 'Dojo Code' lives within them. It takes me back to the first dojo I ever trained in. I think it was at Humberstone Gate, in Leicester. The whole class would say the Dojo Code out loud before the class started. I'd attend in my ATC uniform, change into a t-shirt and jogging pants and train at the session before heading off to a cadet session with 51 Squadron of the Air Training Corps (I was preparing to join the Royal Air Force). I couldn't afford a 'gi' (karate suit) in those days and used to use my work money to pay for karate lessons and other bits and bobs. I couldn't afford the licence or grading fees either. It was good of the Sensei to let me train there.

The memories come flooding back: Going to school early to tidy up the classroom - which also doubled as our chess club, going to work in the chip shop straight after for 50p an hour and then going home to do my homework before finally heading to bed for about 2am. I realised my dream though and escaped an abusive home environment on 11 March 1981, the day I set off for basic training at RAF Swinderby.

I am grateful though: I have a home, I have clean water and food ... and I can still continue to do my creativity. Spare a thought for those that have none of the above.