Table manners of the good old days

Not long ago, an elderly friend observed that manners and etiquette are a thing of the past. The politeness and the refined behavior of yester-year seemed no longer relevant. Little attention is paid to physical appearance or moderate dress. My friend is disgusted by the tattoos of athletes and other public figures, and finds the baggy, low-slung pants unacceptable.

He then turned his attention to eating habits – sloppy, messy, unrefined and down-right rude. People talk with their mouths full. The behavior of having food drip down your face is encouraged by fast food companies in their TV advertisements.

“As a society we are returning to the age of the caveman,” he stated unequivocally. “We need to return to the civility of our youth.”

And what was that civility like? I went to the library to research the etiquette of table manners. I wanted to discover how the rules had changed over the past 50 years. My local librarian suggested Amy Vanderbilt's “Etiquette, The Guide to Gracious Living.” The book, published in 1952, is a comprehensive tome, which covers the entire scope of the “socially acceptable ways of living with others.”

I decided to limit myself to the 26 pages that covered “Manners at Table,” and became informed on every aspect of dining in company, from how to use napkins and silverware to how to hold a polite conversation.

I was prepared not to be surprised at anything I read. Imagine my shock when these words drew my attention, “Burping or belching should not be considered ‘rude.' It is nature's way of getting rid of gas and, medically, suppressing it may be harmful. If you must, cover your mouth with a napkin.”

I have read this statement to a number of people. And without fail, after just the slightest delay, they raise their eyebrows and get a mischievous smirk on their lips. Yes, as any healthy middle school boy would, they react to the obvious thought that nature has another way of getting rid of gas, a way that perhaps does not always impinge on the auditory senses like a belch might, but definitely launches an all-out assault on the olfactory senses! No doubt suppressing that method might also be medically harmful.

But burping or belching seems to have been socially acceptable in 1952. I imagine a healthy belch followed by, “Ah, most delicious,” might be considered a compliment.

Another table manner that was discouraged in the book was picking food from your teeth with your fingernail. Vanderbilt suggests that if food lodged between your teeth is a frequent problem, “it is wise to carry your own emergency equipment.” Triangular toothpicks called Stim-U-Dents were suggested.

Chewing out loud or slurping your coffee is not part of refined behavior when you're a dinner guest. As an aside, I definitely have the feeling the very language I use is not refined, either. So much lovelier is the statement worded in “How to Behave: The Etiquette of Society,” published in 1897, which discourages “making audible the process of mastication or of drinking.”

It's clear to me now. I did not raise my children properly. Telling them not to eat with their mouths open had little effect. How much better it would have been to say, “During the process of mastication, one's lips must remain firmly pressed together.”

I always insisted that belching was disgustingly uncouth. I gave my children the evil eye. I was embarrassed by their behavior in company. Did I cause irreparable physical damage by insisting they suppress gases?

Ah, Amy, I am so sorry I was not aware of your book in my younger days. How much more relaxed my life would have been. But it's never too late! It is now my grandchildren who eat at my table. I encourage burping, and even laugh heartily when ketchup drips on their school clothes. “Let them enjoy their food,” I tell their parents. “Relax! Don't suppress their natural tendencies.”

My children and their spouses roll their eyes a lot, and raise their eyebrows when they think I'm not looking. They suspect Grandpa is losing it.

And what of my elderly friend?

“OK, OK,” he concedes, “table manners is one thing. How about the tattoos and the baggy pants?”

“Ask me next week,” I tell him as I head back to the library. Who knows what else I may discover about the good old days!

Fred Wind is a retired Valley Christian (Cerritos) teacher and soccer coach. He lives in Leisure World Seal Beach.

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