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Strive for perfection

Yesterday, I was just very angry & depressed. Nothing was goin my way. But I did not know why I was angry & depressed. I did everything wrong. I even got hit by a bike while crossing the road. Thank god, I'm fine... I juz got a bruised arm, have a broken plastic file and a sore knee.
And today, as I woke up, I find out that my left eye was swollen due to some dumb insect bite and my stomach don't feel so good. So I skipped skool today. But I was feeling more & more terrible

So with nothing to do... I turned on the TV and Oprah was on air. Oprah was discussing about "The Law Of Attraction". As I watch more, I suddenly had a realization. If "The Law Of Attraction" is about telling the universe what you want through your thoughts & actions. If "The Law Of Attraction" means what you give or say is what you get. Then, I'm goin about life the wrong way!

Louise Hay said that we should never beat up ourselves or scold ourselves instead we should appreciate ourselves & everythin around us.(I'm the type of person who always scold myself.)

Then, I realize something. I understand why I was angry yesterday and why I always scold myself. It is because...I want to be the BEST. And to me, being the best meant being perfect.
I wanted to be perfect in every way. I want to be smart and talented...
BUT...

Why did I want to be perfect? Well, who wouldn't?
When I was a little girl, I remembered when my father stroked my hair and told me that when I grew up, I would be a somebody and that I would always be his perfect little girl. He told me that I have what it takes to be a somebody and I believed him.
I didn't want to dissappoint my parents and myself.

Yesterday, I was angry because I broke a promise to friend and that I couldn't go to my school fair this Saturday due to my French class.

But guess what, I realize something, all thanx to Louise Hay and Oprah. So from now on, I'm going to appreciate myself, everyone and everything around me. I'm gonna stop scolding myself instead, I'm goin to plan ahead and execute the plan. I'm gonna put a smile on my face & be happy, live my life & achieve my dreams!! Oh yea...

As for my friend, I'm gonna call her & apologise to her one more time. As for the skool fair, I'm going because the french class is postponed to next Saturday.

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This is a letter for myself. But this is also a letter for those who find themselves in the same place as I am.

I'm going to admit that life is different from what I initially thought when I was younger.

When I was younger, I assumed that by now, I would have reached or be somewhat close to the life of my dreams.

But now that I reach this point, I realised that I was wrong. I did not take into account that tertiary education took years. Personally, I don't regret my tertiary education because I did enjoy it. Yes, it was insane and difficult but it was fun and I met amazing people there.

It's been a year since my graduation and I find myself being frustrated. I felt disappointed in myself because no, I don't have my own apartment and no, I'm not rocking that cool ass job that I always dreamed of. But no, I don't hate my job either. In that sense, I'm fortunate I suppose. But I feel that it may not be the kind of thing that I want to do.

Man, it feels odd to have people believe in you at the very moment you do not trust yourself. It feels odd to hear people's praises of you when you're feeling incapable. So I guess, it's time for one of my many alter ego to suit up if I wanna win that debate competition!!

Like any other person, I have many alter ego's...and I'm gonna list most of them today.

Ms Drama QueenLikes :Attention and spotlight. She's a diva.Dislikes :People stealing her spotlight or not getting her spotlight.She is : A real drama queen. She whines & complains alot though. She thinks that the world revolves around her.Can't handle :Ms Productive

Ms Arrogant Likes : Winning, winning and winning.Dislikes : Losing and losers.She is : A real mean arrogant person. She really doesn't care about the other people. She thinks she is the best. Mostly, she thinks that her opponents aren't even her equal unless they have proven otherwise. Even then, she still thinks she is better than …

I guess it's time I grow up. When high school is over, I have to grow up, be a mature and a responsible little young lady.There's alot of things I have to learn.

To be honest, I'm a little afraid of leaving graduating from high school.WHY?I mean, I've been going to school for years. And the thought that it will finally end is a relief but also a little frightening.

But it's a new chapter in life. Everyone goes through it. So yea, I'm afraid but excited at the same time. There's so much to do after the graduating. College, driver licence & etc...

I guess I'll miss high school a little. Never thought it would end...but yea, it will soon enough.

Before I left high school, I need some closure. I mean, I made some friends & lost some friends. I do have some regrets. I was such an idiot and arrogant ass last time.So yea, before high school end, I need to send some letters to the few people I hurt.