Portuguese Ministry of Health mocks double amputees.

(click ads) OK, not really. But these phun-with-Photoshop print ads from a new campaign promoting exercise are—while inventive—maybe a bit too creepy, especially coming from a government organization? Headline: "Sedentary people can't run away from diseases. Exercise." No, but Senhor Sedentary can be wheeled away from them. And at least these inert freaks always bring their own chairs to meetings. Take note of how the two are, well, not the most attractive two people in Portugal. Laziness is next to ugliness, good citizens (images via). Previously in: scary Photoshop phun.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Nobody's Children Foundation.

Swine Fluvertsing—Mexico City edition.

(click image) Previous stops on the H1N1 manipulation viral marketing tour: Sydney and Manhattan. Here, Grupo Imagen, a grande Mexican media conglomerate, recently handed out these logo-branded blue and white masks with the heartfelt message "We do not need to kiss each other to feel our breath." Took the words right out of my mouth. The press note says the life-saving masks were handed out near subway stations, and that all 5,000 were gone in less than 30 minutes. It's a beautiful world (via).

SI uses faux covers to posit they ain't just scores and swimsuits.

(click ads to read) Print ads for Sports Illustrated via South Africa that rather dubiously try to reposition the magazine as the Mother Jones of sports publications. Hey, Hitler moves product, baby! No matter that SI didn't start publishing until 1954, this is the cover they would have run with. They also would have been all over the Stephen Biko story if he had played a little football on the side. Here's the third ad from the campaign. Previously in sports magazines: geezerJock? Yes, geezerJock.

(click ads to read copy) Graphic but dumb poster ads targeting men for the Rhode Island Coalition Against Domestic Violence. It's not "acceptable" to treat a woman like a punching bag? Ya sure? Me thinks much punchier wording than that is needed. And, I'm confused: is that hanging piece of meat image referring to sexism, or to the fact that sometimes boxers (well, Rocky) train by pounding on animal carcasses? And what a clunky headline: "It's not acceptable to treat a woman like one." Like what? A woman? Well, not surprisingly, the ads were created by men. previously in domestic violence ads: Portugal—domestic violence awareness raised byfake blood soap dispensers. UK—Keira Knightley gets the shit kicked out of her. NYC—Eat your vegetables. Finish your homework. Respect women.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: O.K. condoms.

One of the best ad things I've ever seen.

(click image) Nice giveaway item by Iams, via Saatchi & Saatchi Sydney. Their entire ad budget should be spent on producing billions of these perfectly-branded toys and then getting distribution into every pet food store in the world so that they would eventually get into the mouths of almost every able-bodied dog on the planet. This is social media.Previously in dog products advertising: Funny. Evil. Horrific.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Olympus.

How to advertise Global Warming awareness on YouTube.

So simple. Zero budget. This won't win the YouTube Cannes Young Lions ad contest for Oxfam because it doesn't use splatter porn or some such silly sensational nonsense. That's a shame. Via Y&R Interactive Israel & Mizbala (via). Same idea, not nearly as well executed, is also currently being used by Greenpeace. Probably—hopefully—it's a coincidence and wasn't stolen. previously in global warming marketing: one, two, three.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Workout apparel brand suggesting women are genetically p*ussies?

(click ads to read) She-RaRaRa! "Defy Genetics?" "Enjoy giving fate the finger?" Print ads out of Sydney, Australia for Skins-She workout clothing depicting "Allison" (left) and "Ursula" beating the absolute shit out of scores of their previous puny self. Just a tad over the top, yes? Think I'm overreacting? Think of these ads with men in them, instead. Still, I guess it's better to kill yourself for yourself than for a man. And these two could definitely take these Aussie metrosexuals (images via). previously in: sexist fitness ads.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Sonntagszeitung.

(click image) To trick horny men into possibly donating to help 11,000 breast cancer patients purchase implants, Thai ad agency High Bangkok came up with these sexist interactive posters. "Take her bra off!" screams the lines on the cups. Once you did, you were met with—not boobies—but a phone number and a plea (here, translated to English for publicity purposes) to give to the Imitation Breast Project—a program "by women for women" sponsored by ThaiTV3. The ends justifies the means, I guess (image via).previously in sexist ambient ads: one, two.

Monday, May 18, 2009

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Wam hair removal.

If you have a fetish for the little hairs on a woman's ass, then these are the jeans ads for you.

(click ads, perv) Ass crack in fashion ads is of course nothingnew. Here, nothing came between these models and their new Zero Degree women's slim-fit jeans. In fact as you can see, the contents of their back pockets have left (Photoshopped) imprints on their ass cheeks. I don't know how many pairs of tight jeans these will sell, but the company could definitely sell a few million of these posters to college boys the world over. Via South African ad agency Euro RSCG. Here's the third ad from the campaign, featuring a frontal shot. previous stops on the Worldwide Gratuitous Ad Ass Tour: the Côte d'Azur. Berlin. Munich. London. Brazil. Guatemala. America. TriBeCa. And NoHo.

Swine Flu hysteria exploited to sell infectious Australian TV show.

(click billboard) I've got to give it to Sydney "creative collective" The Glue Society. If you're going to irresponsibly prey on humans' illogical flu fears, you might as well make it look completely official and scarily authentic. Chaser's War On Everything is a popular Aussie sketch comedy show that begins airing again on May 27th. I like the easily overlooked "caution advertisement" at the top of the board. Nice touch. (via: CR blog) previous stops on the scary billboard worldwide tour: Eliot Spitzer mocked by big condom in NYC. Anti-global warming in Chile. Kill Bill in New Zealand. And anti-pollution AssholeVertising in China.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: ISHR.

Link Haze, 5/15/09.

• Air Sex.• Like E, I like birds.• Robot Jackson Pollock.• Photoshopped anorexic models.• Is he the world's richest asshole?• "Girls are not considered" for the Walt Disney training school.• Not feeling cheery today.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Support Reporters Without Borders, and you'll be helping to put an end to international daycare violence.

Makes absolute perfect sense, right? Because murderous despots are nothing more than big evil children. "This is Reporters Without Borders reporting live from the playpen of Zimbabwe, where everything is hunky-dory—at least when our never-lying cameras are rolling." (via) previously inCauseVertising.

Get it? Jones Trading is the ARROW.

(click ad) Invest in lemon futures? "Liquidity experts since 1975," Jones Trading—with this confidence-inspiring ad scanned from the June Bloomberg Markets —seems to be saying...when life gives you a decimated portfolio, make broke-ade. Or something. Ad by CEO's grandson.previous bad metaphor investment ads: MIG's Photoshopped five bulls ad and Photoshopped five bears ads. State Street sez watch for charging Rhinos and collapsing bridges. And, Morgan Stanley asks if you know the difference between a balloon and a goat.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Oasis fruit drink.

(click ad) The Boobs from Brazil is the face and body of a just-launched campaign for Sky's HDTV service. Babelfish translation on the Portuguese headline: "Films as you never saw." For those of you who haven't seen the Kill Bill films, Gisele is dressed as Uma Thurman's deadly character Beatrix Kiddo, codename Black Mamba—though with the wrong color Onitsuka Tiger sneaks. Quite the Hanzo sword slash to the face, eh Uma? Below is a two-minute spot from the campaign (via comunicadores). previously in supermodels: mini-Naomi Campbell terrorizes sleeping maid. Video of bikini-clad supermodels playing with fatty meats. BG model turns sideways, disappears. related: Kill Bill billboard a bloody mess.

Friday, May 08, 2009

Link Haze, 5/08/09.

• Punctuation Cindy Crawford.• Lutherans offer eternal fire insurance.• It's like a fireman came in your mouth.• The sublimity of humanity, via YouTube.• New Coke spot by Mother London is on acid.• Getting out of jury duty just takes a little creative writing.• White castle advertises new pulled pork Slyder in Jerusalem Post.

PENAL SPERM.

(click ad) Hey, it's been over two fucking weeks since I posted a condom ad. Quite a dry period. So, here's a new one for Olla, via Brazil. I'm assuming that thing that looks like a hot testicle is a female egg? The creative liberties taken with scale are confusing me. Poor Spermy. No conjugal visits for him. For you sexual anthropologists, this post has a link to just about every condom ad I've reviewed in the last four years.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Charity SA.

Chocolate Bar loyalty card.

The Chocolate Bar here in Manhattan (just reopened in the West Village, according to their website) calls itself the "candy store for grown-ups." I've never been, but have heard that it's heaven for chocoholics. Here (click image), via ad agency Grey NYC, is a tasty little piece of truth in advertising. Every purchase is recorded with a punched tooth. After 16 cavities, you get a free chocolate (image via).previously in local promos: the NYC condom—Get Some! Ricola's ill-conceived million-dollar mystery coughercampaign. Museum of Sex bursts its blowjob balloons. I-banker boot camp—HOO-AH!!! The Target bus (boom). The NYC Office of Emergency Management thinks they're funny.