Michael Drucker has ranked the ten worst novelizations of video games. This implies that Drucker believes there are best — or even good, or decent, or literate — novelizations of video games. But that riddle aside, it’s an entertaining list.

“The Myst novels are essentially long-winded descriptions of postcards,” Drucker zings. And he’s not afraid to offer excerpts of the book’s dreadfulness:

Atrus reached out and picked up the brass cooking pot he had been examining earlier, pleased by its symmetry, by the way the double pans — top and bottom linked by four strong brass spindles — like all the cooking implements in Age Five, were designed to cope with water which, when heated, rose into the air.

I had to do a little research, and discovered that The Myst Reader is 944 pages long. Of the 27 customers who have reviewed it on Amazon, 26 gave it four or five stars. The only one lower (two stars) complained only about the book’s condition when it arrived. (“Still going to read it though!”)

There is also a novel on Drucker’s list with the subtitle of — no joke — “See No Weevil.”