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The Impact Of Touching Behavior

Last Updated: 11/15/2017

Touching is something we do every day, whether it involves patting someone on the back or giving someone a hug to show that we care. While touching is one of our most important senses, we are often not aware of the affect that touch has on others. Luckily, an entire branch of research has been dedicated to helping us learn more about this vital, but overlooked sense. The field of haptics covers everything from how touch impacts infant and child development, to the meaning of different types of touch in everyday interactions. Learning about the science of touch can enrich your relationships with others and help you understand yourself better.

The Importance of Touch

Touch is vital to life. Studies have shown that children don’t develop normally without it and even animals need touch to function properly. In the 1950’s, Harry Harlow, a psychologist at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, conducted a series of controversial experiments with macabre monkeys. The purpose of those studies was to observe how maternal contact affected the infant monkey’s development. In his essay, “The Nature of Love,” Harlow outlines the study and his findings, which demonstrated that monkeys respond more favorably to cloth-simulated mothers than wire-simulated mothers. Setting ethics aside, Harlow’s studies did show a direct connection between maternal touch and the survival and emotional stability of the baby monkey. Doctors and psychologists believe that touch plays an equally central role in the development of humans. In Bonding with your Infant: the Power of Touch, Caryn B. Goode explores the bond between the mother and baby that develops even before birth. When women intuitively massage their belly during pregnancy, they are really communicating with their baby and sending a message of love and comfort.

Goode cites the importance of touch in a baby’s development, especially in the baby’s ability to cope with stress. Touch is also important in infant care, as it is the first sense that an infant responds to and will help ensure the full development of the other senses, such as sight, hearing, smell, and even taste.

Although the importance of touch begins before birth, it is also important in maintaining an emotionally healthy life as an adult. In their essay, “Touch in the Western World,” Ben Benjamin, Ph.D., and Ruth Werner claim that “human touch can completely change the way the body functions. From your heart rate to your blood pressure to the efficiency of your digestive system, welcome touch can make your body work better.” According to Heslin, there are five types of touch that we use regularly in nonverbal communication.

1. Functional/Professional Touch

Touch in the workplace can be an effective means of communication, as long as you adhere to the common rules of etiquette. The handshake is a form of touch often used in professional settings, and although it seems innocent, it can convey many things about the relationship between two people. In The Joy of Selling, J.T. Auer explores different types of handshakes, from the limp handshake, to robotic and overpowering shakes. Each, whether subconscious or conscious, sends a clear message to the receiver.

The next time you shake someone’s hand, pay attention to the nonverbal cues you are sending. It is always best to convey confidence when you shake one’s hand, but be careful not to be overly-confident.

Other appropriate workplace touches include a pat on the back or a hand on the shoulder. Both can communicate important messages of praise and encouragement. However, remember that all people do not share the same comfort levels with touching. An innocent touch for one person can make another feel uncomfortable, so it is always best to take note of body language and respond accordingly.

Touches in the workplace can also become complicated when they are between a boss and a subordinate. According to Henley, those in power are more at liberty to touch subordinates than the other way around. If you hold a position of authority in your workplace, examine your motives for even the most innocent of touches, and resolve to improve your communication techniques with those who work under you. Of course, if there is any question in your mind, it’s better to err on the side of caution.

Hall also studied acceptable distances between individuals in certain situations. He found that in the workplace, colleagues tend to keep a distance of anywhere between two and twelve feet from each other, depending on the situation and the relationship. Respect boundaries like this and avoid invading your co-workers’ personal space.

The functional/professional category of touch developed by Heslin can also include task-oriented touch, such as a doctor’s touch during an examination. Touch in this situation can actually work to the patient’s benefit. Alagna, Witcher, and Fischer found that the reassuring touch of a nurse prior to surgery can actually calm a patient.

2. Social/Polite Touch

Many forms of communication require some type of touch. The handshake is one of the primary touches in this category, although it can vary from culture to culture. In the U.S., it is socially polite and acceptable to shake someone’s hand during an introduction, but in some countries, kissing on the cheek is the norm. In a study conducted in 1985, Jones and Yarbrough discussed the different areas of the body that are acceptable to touch in different social situations. In same-sex interactions, men are comfortable being touched by a male stranger on their shoulders and arms, while women generally feel comfortable being touched by a female stranger only on the arms. However, men respond much differently to strangers of the opposite sex than women do. While men actually enjoy touch from a female stranger, women do not feel at ease with any touch by a male stranger. Men and women also perceive touch differently, which can often lead to awkward and confusing situations. In some cases, it may be best to simply avoid unnecessary physical contact in social settings, particularly with those of the opposite sex. What’s more, it is always useful to follow societal norms and to take cues from those around you.

While you may stand very close to a stranger on an elevator, it is not acceptable to engage in any unnecessary physical contact with him or her.

3. Friendship/Warmth Touch

While a variety of touches are acceptable between friends, the types of acceptable touch can vary between the sexes. Women are usually more comfortable touching their female friends than males are, and the touches will often be more affectionate, usually in the form of a hug, while men shake hands or pat each other on the back. Among family members, women touch each other more than men, but same-sex family members are more likely to touch than family members of the opposite sex.

Even if you are not a touchy person, displays of affection between friends are important in showing support and encouragement. Be willing to step outside of your comfort zone and give your friend a hug when she’s going through a rough time. Helping someone else feel better will often lift your mood as well.

4. Love/Intimacy Touch

Touches that communicate love play an important role in romantic relationships. Simple touches in this context can have significant meaning. For example, holding hands or putting an arm around your partner conveys to others that you are together. Interestingly, Burgoon, Buller and Woodall discovered that adults pay more attention to nonverbal cues than verbal cues during communication. During the earlier stages of dating, men often initiate physical contact according to societal norms, but in the later stages, it is often the women who touch first.

In Married Couples' Perceptions of Touch Behavior and Marital Satisfaction, Jenny Taylor and Richard Wisemen found that touch was often more important to women than men, and even a small gesture helped to calm women when they were upset. If your husband or boyfriend does not fulfill your need for loving and reassuring touch, try talking to him and explain what it means to you. Then ask him what you can do to help him feel more comfortable in your relationship.

5. Sexual/Arousal Touch

Sexually arousing touches are very intimate and are only appropriate when mutually agreed upon. Sexual touches are meant to bring happiness and pleasure and can include hugging, kissing, flirtatious touching that is purposeful and playful, and sex. Be sensitive to your husband’s needs and don’t be afraid to see a marriage counselor if this part of your relationship is lacking.

When it comes to touch, it seems that actions do speak louder than words. By paying attention to the nonverbal cues that you send to others through touching behavior, you can greatly improve your communication skills and your relationships. Pick one day where you examine your touching behavior and then look for areas that need improvement. You will be on your way to a healthier and more loving life.

Do You Speak Body Language?

You're back in high school, and it's three hours past your curfew. You slink back into the house and your mom's standing in the living room. Her crossed arms and tensed jaw tell you how upset she is. The days of high school may be long gone, but the ability to read between people's words is a skill that you'll need for the rest of your life. Even when you're silent, your body is sending signals about your mood and inner thoughts. Do you know what kind of signals you're sending? Find out now.

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