Carolyn Yates is the NSFW Editor for Autostraddle.com. She is also a freelance editor and writer, and her work has appeared in Bitch, Nylon, The Toast, Xtra!, Jezebel, and elsewhere. She recently moved to Los Angeles from Montreal. Find her on twitter.

a friend of mine has one of those military-grade phones, which means you can submerge it in a glass of water and it will still receive calls and be fine. sometimes he texts me from the shower, for fun.

I have one of these. It is essentially a combat Jitterbug. It weighs about 3 pounds and I’m pretty sure I could use it to bludgeon an aggressor during a mugging. I have not yet tried to text in the shower.

15. Attempts made at teaching my elderly grandfather about computers, and why using the Google toolbar (one of eight!) to Google “Google” is not efficient

What is it with old people and having like 27 toolbars on their web browser? I always just think you poor people, how has the world let this happen to you? The internet is confusing enough, you know, without trying to read everything in a 400 pixel tall window. #apple

People don’t pay attention when they install shit, so those programs that try to sneak in horrible toolbars actually get away with it. Annoying as hell when you’re unofficially tech support for your family.

My sister, who is also named Emy, has also made this mistake.
You don’t want your house to fill with smoke.. Literally a wall of smoke hit me when I opened my door on the second floor, with the kitchen on the first floor.

Um, as someone who had an unfortunately sheltered childhood, I’ve never seen Buffy. I am bracing for shouts of anger, but I know I really SHOULD see it, so does that count? I could do this liveblog thing then.

1. This bottle of wine
THE OTHER TOPICS ARE BETTER
2. These eight cups of coffee
SOMETHING ON YOUR MIND, DEARY?
5. The shouting match between the person with the guitar on the roof across from mine and the contractors trying to tar said roof
WHO WON
7. Rejections from job applications received between 1 and 4 pm this afternoon
DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT
8. My break-up conversation with my therapist
WHAT WAS SAID
9. This really easy recipe that IS ON FIRE, WHERE IS THE EXTINGUISHER?!
DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT
10. A fire-drill held by my apartment building at 2 a.m., for no reason I can think of
NEVER LIVED IN AN APT. WITH A FIRE DRILL
11. Watching Buffy for the first time with a weird sense of cultural relevance
NEVER SEEN IT
14. My girlfriend “meeting” my parents, for whom she used to work
DOING WHAT
16. What happens when you leave a pot to boil on the stove, with no water in it, and forget it’s there
L7 SAID “THE FRYING PAN IS RED”
17. A conversation I had in line at the post office about sex toys, which were in the opened-by-customs package I was picking up, and the reaction of the nice lady who handed it/them to me
WHAT WAS SAID
18. The progress of my sunburn
DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT

15 is me at least once a week. also, i made the mistake of turning his monitor off the other day. he couldn’t figure out why the computer wouldn’t come on, so he loaded the whole damn thing up and took it to office depot to see if they could fix it.

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