Words Are Important: Let’s Talk Winners And Whiners

Every day Instagram brings forth pictures of modern calligraphy. There is a definite form to most of the new letter styles and it seems very popular. It’s words, made beautiful. Often, the words are beautiful themselves; positive, affirming, words of strength, happiness and encouragement. Over the weekend one of the calligraphy pictures was of a quote:

(I don’t have the requisite skills in modern calligraphy to do this by hand, so I’ve downloaded a typeface called Anisha). I looked up the quote, it’s popularly attributed to Theodore Roosevelt, but like most quotes that attribution is very much contested.

Anyway, the quote has been sitting with me for a couple of days. There is a message of positive action behind it: ‘if you don’t like something, do something about it’, but there’s also a burden of suggestion that if you are experiencing upset/anger/hurt/grief at something you cannot change or influence you should keep it quiet and to yourself, else you be seen as ‘whining’.

If you image search the word ‘whining’ every picture is of an upset toddler or baby. Ok, and there’s one of Donald Trump on the third row. But the overarching idea that a complaint or expression of unhappiness that you cannot solve or find a solution for is a whine, and a childish expression of immaturity is problematic.

I believe in ‘talking’ (face to face, via text, on the Internet… it doesn’t matter how as long as you are comfortable communicating in that medium), and the healthy benefits of expression of both good and bad days. Sometimes it is the voicing of a problem and sharing of our difficult times that prompts help, and an easing or sometimes ‘solution’, either by self-determination or with the help of others. A brave voice can stand up without the knowledge of how to fix a problem, but understand that there is one and prompt a wider understanding.

I know some people I follow have found help and support through the work of The Blurt Foundation. I love that name. Blurt. It’s a beautiful name for the release of words under pressure. When the pressure that has built up is one of grief, or pain, or some other problem that fills you up until you feel swollen with the pressure of it all in your chest, to just let go and Blurt is at once a shock and a release. It can be scary and loud but hopefully the release is followed by relief.

Blurt. It’s such a great word. It sounds round and comfortably heavy, like a weighted blanket. It sounds like the slow boil of a thick, hearty soup, or blowing bubbles through something comforting, like a bowl of custard. It’s not a pretty word, perhaps. It sounds like a rolling burp, or a trump (not the Donald kind – a bottom burp, if you will – a fart). Perhaps that’s apt; a build up of uncomfortable pressure that is suddenly released and makes you feel so much better inside. OK, it can feel a bit embarrassing if it happens with no warning, but what a relief on the body.

Whine, though… Whine isn’t a pleasant word. It’s onomatopoeic in essence. A high-pitched, wheezing moan. We say children whine when we are frustrated with their behaviour. Dogs whine when they are being needy. It’s an annoyance, like a mosquito near the ear that wont go away, that you can’t ignore though you might try.

Some problems in life (there are thousands, millions…) you cannot solve. Some you can’t pose a solution to. Some you cannot even ease. Chronic pain, incurable illness, grief; just a few. And there are many reasons why someone may not be able to address other problems that they face; depression, anxiety, and a myriad of other areas of mental health. I can’t even begin to touch upon the ways that different people are affected by different things, and that they can voice their upset without being thought of as ‘whining’. There’s no quicker way to shut down an avenue to help than making them think that they are not welcome to speak, and not valued enough to be heard.

Communication is at the heart of what I feel it is to understand humanity. If people are unable to communicate about their difficulties without being made to feel weak that they can not act upon them, or without being told that their voice is unwelcome if it brings anything other than positivity, then that is a lot of the human experience that is not being shared or understood.

Days are not always easy, but I want to understand what I can of myself and my life, and I do that through communication. I want to feel welcome in communicating when I am able to, because I do not always have the strength. I have been denied a voice at times in my life, and I am determined to never let that happen again. I am not whining. I have something to say.

Also, my writing is not pretty. I haven’t tried the new art of modern calligraphy and seriously do not need to start and interest in a another hobby, but I am happy with my message. They are words that are beautiful in another way.

1 thought on “Words Are Important: Let’s Talk Winners And Whiners”

This is a difficult issue if you have a situation which has been imposed on you and which you cannot resolve. For example, I have a health condition. There is no cure and, as there is very little research into this condition, treatment is hit and miss. Most days when people ask me how I am, I smile and I say I’m fine. I’m usually in pain or tired, but I’ve been brought up to believe that other people don’t want to hear about your problems. However, last week I couldn’t hold in my frustration any longer and I wrote a post on Facebook. Basically, I’d just had enough of being tired, in pain and not being able to live my life the way I want to – I’m not talking about anything grand, just wearing the clothes I prefer to wear, or being able to do housework, or to do gardening. I’m a firm believer that you have to help yourself as much as people and the world doesn’t owe you a living. However, being able to tell friends about my frustration and not being judged for that made me feel a whole lot better.