By jillogab, Oct 8 2014 09:35AM

You shall have no other gods (before your Line Producer).

They have the power to grant you a five-minute lunch break instead of the obligatory zero. Cherish them. All the best bacon sandwiches should be delivered directly to their Apple Store-laden desktops every morning without fail.

You shall not make idols. Don’t talk to the talent. I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO THE TALENT. “Don’t even make eye contact!” spat one A-list actress. Not even when they demand your cigarettes and then spitefully smoke them one-by-one in front of you.

You shall not take the name of the Line Producer in vain…except on a busy Saturday night when you’re stuck in the one-way system in Soho delivering film rushes to the lab. Then it’s perfectly acceptable to curse loudly whilst simultaneously banging your head against the steering wheel.

Remember the Sabbath day… is when every other sensible person you know is having a lie-in. Except you. You’ll be negotiating safe passage through the drunks on the Bakerloo Line at 5.30am.

Honour your father and your mother. And remember all those wonderful sacrifices they made for your education when you’re mopping up the sick of overexcited child actors.

You shall not murder. No matter how many times your lead actress hurls her lunch at your head. Tempting though it may be.

You shall not commit adultery. Leave that to the rest of the crew. You’ll tend to find that the camera department is rather good at that.

You shall not steal. No need. If you’ve cracked the art of spectacular coffee-making/speedy Starbucks delivery then there will be plenty of costume & make-up store goodies heading your way after wrap.

You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour.

You absolutely did not walk in on your married director and your lead actress. Uh-huh. Not here. Never happened.

You shall not covet. Hmmm. Difficult when you’re earning less than the minimum wage and the freebies being sent your lead actor’s way amount to the entire mortgage on your flat… Just don’t forget to sneak a comfy pair of trainers though on expenses!