shit that i do

Jul 7 Rage is a Powerful and Effective Emotion

So far this week, two black men have been killed by police. Their names are Alton Sterling and Philando Castile. Alton Sterling had five children and was 37 years old. Philando Castile was shot in front of his girlfriend and her daughter; he was 32 years old. I will never go out into my world and worry for my life because the cops might come around. My three children. All white. All male. Will never walk their world fearing for their lives in this way. I will never, ever, not once in my life, have to teach my children how to try and not get killed by cops.

I am enraged and ready to act, but we're all still so disjointed and spread apart. Anger and hatred are powerful emotions with their own destructive energies. But anger and hatred are necessary. They help us destroy shit, necessary shit in this case. In the wake is the anticipation of rebirth and reinvention. I do not know what to do to stop cops from killing black men and black boys. Yet. But my hatred is building, brick upon brick, and sometimes what I think, happens. We all have this power. Our thoughts become things. It's not woo bullshit; I've experimented and proven this to be true. We just don't always know the details about how and when our ideas can come true.

My hatred of cops is no longer diplomatic. I assume crooked until proven otherwise. A lot of white people have a hard time believing that cops would kill an innocent person, but that's an excuse that swiftly shifts you to the side of the murderous cops. And believe me, I am judging you, in the most final sense. We all are. You are going down quickly. I don't really know how yet. But marching, talking, shouting, writing, these things are too gentle and slow and protesters get hurt. More cops hurt and jail more innocent people. This morning, I hope that the ugly cops who have killed black women and men suffer. I don't hope their families suffer, because maybe they're innocent. But the cops, I hope they are depressed; I hope they have health problems that make their job difficult to do; I hope their mothers don't love them and their fathers don't respect them; I hope their children don't stand by them; I hope they have money trouble; I hope they drink to hide their shame and pain; I hope they are those people who look up at the universe and feel small. Take that a step further, bitch, and feel insignificant and unnecessary. We don't need you. And now I want to take your power away. I am visualizing eternal safety for innocent people of color. Not only safety, but political and economic power. Real power.

Murderous cops who are so confused that they think it's okay to kill people. Clearly they don't know any of us very well.