His eyes lit up when she
came into the room. Her
princess dress flowed so perfectly to the floor and
her beautiful blue eyes
twinkled with joy. She played with the fabric of the
dress and twirled around
in it her long golden hair circling around her. She
was like a beautiful
princess dancing with her prince. “Gampa! Gampa!
Gampa! This dress is
bootiful!” She uttered using her three year old
words, “All I need is my,
Prince.” she giggled and blushed as she took her
grandfather’s hands and danced
with him.

“I’m glad you like it,
Lily. Don’t tell your mom and
dad I got it for you though. It will be our secret,”
he smiled. He was so happy
to spend any time he could with his granddaughter.
She was everything to him
and he was everything to her.

“Okieee, Gampa!” She said,
rolling around playing with
her dress. Her grandfather just watched her
expectantly. What will she make
of her life? Who will be the lucky guy to take her
hand in marriage? How will
she take the fact that I’m leaving her soon?

“Gampa! Gampa! What are you
doing, Gampa?” She
questioned as she ran to her grandfather. His eyes
were sore and tired and his
skin was rough and wrinkly. He had lived a full
happy life, but he realized in
that moment that he would never see his
granddaughter reach her full potential.
A tear fell off his cheek and Lily had noticed.

“It’s nothing, your
majesty,” he curtsied as he played
along with the princess game, “I just need to tell
you something. Can you keep
a secret?” Lily made an exaggerated nod. “Well – I’m
going away for a while.”

“Whaaaattt? Away, Gampa?
Like when Fishy went away?”
She questioned as she tilted her head, not
completely understanding what her
grandfather was telling her.

“Yes, Lily. Remember when I
told you about Fishy and
how he went away to this magical place beyond the
sunset? I’m going to go there
too.” He shielded his eyes trying not to make the
child see his tears.

“That’s not fair, Gampa! I
want to go too! Why can’t I
go?”

“No Lily, you can’t come.
It isn’t your time yet. But
one day, you’ll go beyond the sunset too and join
me. That is when you will see
me again, but that won’t be for a long time,” The
grandfather said with sadness
in his voice, “Here let me show you something. Can
you keep another secret?”
Lily nodded once again and the grandfather took her
small innocent hand up and
led her up into attic.

The attic was warm and
dark, but the contents of the
space illuminated the darkness. Stacked in the
corner were bunches of old,
dried oil paintings that the grandfather had once
done while he was a young
boy. The painting depicted different adventures in
which he was the subject.

“To the touch they are just
normal paintings, but to
me each painting was a magical adventure.” He smiled
and traced the contours of
the canvas with his fingertips as he reminisced
about all of the joys he had
experienced in his long life.

--

My
Sweet and Dear Princess Lily,

I
am sorry that everything had to happen so soon,
but this is not a goodbye. It
is only a beginning for you my dear. Remember that
secret long ago when I took
you up into the attic? There was something even
more special that I didn’t get
the pleasure of showing you. Since I won’t need
them any longer, I have given
you the paints that I was given as a kid. Use them
well and sparingly. I’m
sorry that you’re receiving this letter on your
twelfth birthday, but I wanted
you to grow and learn to understand the importance
of what I am giving to you.
In this box, are the ingredients for happiness.
All you have to do paint. Your
imagination is endless, Lily. I love you.

Grandpa

Lily
read the note again for the seventh time that night
as she laid in bed. She
knew that her grandpa was always there watching over
her, because he was
constantly a force that moved her to create the
adventures in her paintings.
She moved slowly out of the comforts of her bed and
crawled over to her blank
canvas and started to begin a new story

She imagined a beautiful
sky full of greens and
violets with fairies flying every which way ready to
adorn her with their
magical gifts. There were happy dancing elves and
indigo butterflies dancing in
the wind. The daffodils smelled like roses and the
tulips smelled like lilacs.
The trees were every color imaginable starting with
red and ending in
turquoise. She was lying in the grass, counting the
stars, and naming the
constellations. She was at peace and didn’t worry
about the weakness of her
knees and the coldness of her breath. She painted
what she desired and what she
desired came true.

These paints she received
for her twelfth birthday
were nothing like the ordinary. As Lily painted, the
sky lit up as she painted
it and when she painted the ocean, the smell of the
tide filled her sickened
lungs. When her paints touched the canvas, the scene
immediately became real to
her. It was like a drug induced haze that surrounded
her when she painted.
These images of fantasy filled her bedroom creating
an effervescent veil around
her.

She received the paints on
her twelfth birthday. Her
grandfather wanted it that way as written in his
will. He had them in his attic
stowed away and covered in dust. The paint was old,
but its oily pigments still
produced vibrant and magical colors. They blended
and mixed with ease and Lily
loved them with all her heart. They were a getaway
from all the problems she
was faced with in her premature life.

Lily was diagnosed with
cancer after her grandfather’s
death in the early years of life and was never the
same since. Sometimes she
would freeze up and couldn’t move and sometimes she
coughed so hard she
couldn’t breathe. She was so weak and frail that her
doctor ordered her to stay
inside her bedroom. She didn’t ever attend school.
She had no friends. She was
an only child. Her long golden hair was only a
figment of her imagination. The
only sunlight she got was from the window by her
bed. She knew there would come
a day that she wouldn’t be able to move at all and
enjoy all the miracles she
had created, so she painted everyday like it would
be her last.

One day she painted a
friend and they went to a
playground together and they played on the swings.
The wind blew so fast and
swift through her golden hair that she forgot that
she was sick. The air moved
easily through her lungs with nostalgic smells of
her childhood. The sounds of
children laughing filled her heart and made it want
to fall out of her chest.
She shared in the laughter. In that moment she was
one of the normal twelve
year old little girls.

Waking up from her painting
was the hardest part. She
fell in love with the happiness she could have in
her paintings because she
made friends, had pets, and went on any adventure
imaginable. She painted
nearly every day unless she was tired from her chemo
treatments. When she was
done with a painting, she laid it down on the plush
carpet that helped cushion
her aching feet. The carpet was decorated with the
purples, reds, and greens of
the magical paint that missed the canvas. The floor
in her room filled quickly
as she finished a new canvas each and every day. Her
mother began taking the
dried pieces of her work and storing them away in
the attic in a familiar way
that reflected Lily’s experience of seeing how her
grandfather’s works were
stored.

Lily painted till her arm
got tired and her body went
numb. She would stop and collapse on her bed and
sleep. When the paint was dry
in the morning, she would start a new dream and
paint until she would fall
asleep. This routine went on for another six months
until one morning when her
worst nightmares became a reality.

She opened her eyes, looked
over to her easel and
smiled like it was a normal day of her “perfect”
life. She wiggled her fingers
then her toes, but when she tried to move her legs,
nothing happened. When she
tried her arms, nothing either. She was immobilized
and looked around the room
frantically, her heart racing. Her eyes were wet
with tears as she screamed for
her parents until her voice got too weak.

Her parents rushed in and
tried to calm her, but they
knew they couldn’t say or do anything that was going
to make Lily feel better.
She wanted to paint. They knew that. So, they took
her into the doctors the
next day.

Her mother wheeled her into
the lobby of the office
with her dad following behind. As Lily stared at the
approaching building, she
started to weep quietly. She didn’t want to hear the
inevitable news. She just
wanted to make believe and pretend that this was one
of her paintings that she
could just wait for to dry, and then disappear. But
she knew she wouldn’t ever
paint a miserable scene like this. All of her dreams
were happy, fun, exciting,
and full of so much life –

Life. That
was something that she knew would be escaping her
grasp soon. She was too weak
to hold on to it especially since it slipped so
easily through oily, painterly
hands. Her paints were almost gone too. When they
are gone, the magic and
essence of her life will leave with it. She would
soon follow and leave this
world and join her grandfather in the world beyond
the sunset. She knew her
grandfather would think this time would be too early
for her, but her fate was
already written in the stars. She would miss her
parents, even though they gave
her so little care and love.

Since birth, Lily’s parents
have always been
overprotective. They would barely let her go outside
and play as a little girl,
for fear she would get sick. With the illness now,
things have reached a
breaking point. The mom and dad work nonstop in
order to pay medical expenses,
but when they are home, things are distant. Her
parents are cautious about
having contact with her, because they don’t want
Lily to get worse. They love
her with all their hearts. They all eat dinner
together in Lily’s room and they
go for car rides together for doctor appointments.
But other than these
instances and occasional other ones, she was mostly
all alone.

When Lily’s name was
called, her parents wheeled her
into the small room that was decorated with flowered
print wallpaper that
contrasted with the white paint. The image calmed
her as she thought back to
the last painting she made before she couldn’t move:

She skipped through a field
of flowers following a
little boy into a cove that twinkled with diamond.
There, the boy turned around
and asked Lily, “If I told you a secret, would you
promise me you wouldn’t tell
anyone?” Lily nodded, smiled, and pinky swore. The
boy smiled and opened his
mouth, “Follow me.” He took Lily’s pale hand and led
her into a small room.

In the room, the walls were
adorned with paintings,
several of them. There were paintings of princesses
and kingdoms, of fairies
and purple skies, and of butterflies dancing in the
wind. They were all
beautiful and unique.

Lily stared at all of the
paintings that surrounded
her and didn’t know what to say. She just stared at
them, unmoving, and then
looked at a single space that was barren on the
wall. The space was big enough
to place one more piece of art.

“This artwork… is it really
all mine?” She stood and
looked amazed.

“Yes, Lily. Doesn’t it all
look breathtaking? It is
like they are all from a dream,” the little boy said
as he touched the first
painting Lily ever painted. Painted on the canvas
was a beautiful sky full of
greens and violets with a little girl lying in the
grass and looking up
admiring the sky.

Lily gently traced lines on
her masterpiece with her
finger feeling the ridges of texture of the dried
oil paint. It felt soothing
on the skin and so familiar to her, “This was when I
wished on the brightest
star in the sky,” she said.

“What did you wish for?
Your secret is safe with me,”
the little boy smiled a smile familiar to her
grandfather’s.

“I wished to be with you.
Forever and ever,” Lily
smiled.

Her daydream was
interrupted when the door of the
doctor’s office slowly creaked open and in walked a
man in a white coat. The
image was frightening to her. It ruined every ounce
of happy thoughts that had
once danced in her head. In his hands, were the
results that were going to
destroy any hope that was still alive in Lily’s
heart. His face was straight
and his fingers and hands were shaky. He looked at
her parents and shook his
head and then gazed into Lily’s eyes. They were
timid and innocent and held so
much potential, but would never have the strength to
carry out a happy ending,
“Lily, it doesn’t look good. I know you don’t like
all of these treatments we
have been giving you, but we have no choice to start
you on a new treatment
plan immediately. You won’t be able to move, but at
least it will make you
comfortable and take away some of the aches and
pains you’ve been
experiencing,” the doctor said.

“But, what about my
paintings?” Lily asked with a very
concerned voice that was on the verge of tears.

The doctor shook his head
sadly, “There is no possible
way you could do that. The motion just kills your
body more, Lily. With this
new treatment, you won’t be able to move at all. It
is going to paralyze your
muscles and make it easier on your heart. If you
don’t take it, I’m almost 100%
sure the strain on your heart would be too much.
Lily, I’m sorry. There’s
nothing I can do,” the doctor handed her a pill
bottle. “This is for you. I
understand that it is your choice on whether we
pursue this or not. So, take
this home and think about it or talk to your parents
about it. This pill will
prepare you for the treatment.”

Lily stared blankly as she
kept running through her
thoughts of the last painting she did before she
couldn’t move. She knew she
needed to fill that last empty space and she knew
she had enough paint left in
the tubes to do so.

But what about her parents?
They loved her so much and
didn’t want to let go of their baby girl. Lily
wanted to live as well. She
wanted to be able to look out her window and smile
at the sun as its light
sparkled on her face each and every morning. She
wanted to wake up and see her
easel and smell the dry paint. She wanted to hear
the I love you’s
escape the mouths of her parents as they set down
her meals. She wanted to
pretend that her life was worth living and that this
facade was worth fighting
for. She couldn’t let it go –

She arrived home from the
hospital in her father’s
arms. He took her up to her room and laid her on her
bed. “Goodnight
sweetheart,” her father said with tears in his eyes.
Lily couldn’t help but cry
too, as this was the first time she has ever seen
her father this way even
after the diagnosis.

“Goodnight dad. Have a good
day at work tomorrow,” she
said with a bittersweet smile on her face.

Her body had withered since
she had received the
paints six months ago. She couldn’t stand, couldn’t
walk, and now she was
ordered to have as little movement as possible.

Lily slowly grabbed the
pill bottle that rested in her
pocket. She studied the pills, then looked at the
last blank canvas her mother
had bought for her. The pill bottle fell to the
floor, her hand failing to
grasp it any longer. She slowly got up and
maneuvered herself over to her canvas
and selected her paints. She fought with everything
she had left in her to get
the last bits of paint out of every single tube. She
dipped her brushes in the
paints mixing and blending the colors. Then she
placed her brush on the canvas.

Her arm moved in fluid
movements as if it forgot that
she was ill. Lily smiled. She began to paint white
fluffy clouds on the canvas
and she drew herself as if she was floating. She
dipped her brush in the yellow
and painted golden hair on her head. Golden gates
welcomed her floating
apparition. She added blue so she could paint the
sky that surrounded her body
and helped guide her through the gates. She mixed
white and red together so she
could paint the princess dress on her body that her
grandfather bought her a long
time ago. She dipped her brush in the peach and
painted the hand that was
reaching out to her. It was a gentle hand that she
knew would take care of her.
With the final strokes, she painted her hand
outstretched with a smile on her
beautiful face.