Fatwa on Piers Morgan brings new hope for peace in Afghanistan

News that the Taliban have issued a Fatwa, calling for the death of Piers Morgan, has led to fresh hopes of peace being achieved in Afghanistan.

The Fatwa, issued by the leader of the Taliban, Mullah Mohammed Omar, rules that all true followers of Islam should: "do everything in their power to rid the world of the obnoxious, odious and repugnant pile of Jackal excrement, the one who is known to the western infidels as, Piers Morgan."

Gen. Stanley McChrystal, the Commander of NATO forces in Afghanistan, is said to be delighted that at last coalition forces and the Taliban have finally found some common ground, upon which they can all agree. Brig. Gen. Eric Tremblay, a spokesman for the International Security Assistance Force (Isaf) in Afghanistan, said that this latest development: "represents a significant step towards conflict resolution and establishing a lasting peace in the region."

He went on to explain that the coalition must learn from mistakes already made in Britain and America, and now work closely with the Taliban, in order to counter the very real threat of an "Afghanistan's Got Talent".

Brig. Gen. Tremblay added that initial talks with Taliban representatives had proved to be "very productive", with the Taliban demonstrating a real commitment to achieving their common goal, namely the elimination of Mr. Morgan. In addition, Brig. Gen. Tremblay stated that both sides had also started to lay the groundwork for collaboration on a number of other initiatives, which he is confident would be: "to mutual benefit of all".

"The Taliban leadership have indicated to us that they are prepared to immediately sever all ties with Jordan, and in a gesture of good faith, have also supplied us with detailed plans of an impending terrorist attack on Paris": he said.

A statement, released through the Pakistan-based Afghan Islamic Press news agency yesterday, would appear to show that the Taliban leadership do indeed echo NATO's optimism. In a twelve minute video broadcast on Arabic TV station Al-Jazeera last night, Mullah Omar stated that: "should it come down to a custody battle, then the Taliban will definitely be siding with Peter".

Mullah Omar went on to say that the Taliban were also looking forward to working with the Americans, on both the destruction of Piers Morgan, and the execution of: "that Hilton whore".