As a teacher, you're sometimes required to be a confidante, sometimes a counselor, and sometimes a shoulder to cry on. I've been reminded of that recently.

I've also been reminded that life can be really unfair.

Let's consider two of my students, both of them Biology majors. The first is a young lady whom we'll call Elizabeth. When she took my Introductory Biology course, she struck me as outgoing and cheerful, with a bit of an issue regarding personal space. That is, she would often stand closer to me than I felt comfortable with if she approached with a question, or when I was doing a lab demo. Sometimes, she'd stand so close to me that she'd press up against me.

(I don't think she means anything by it; she simply has a far looser definition of what "personal space" means than does an introvert like me.)

Yet, for all her seemingly outgoing and cheerful nature, there was always something about Elizabeth's demeanor which made me wonder if it wasn't just a bit of an act.

I began to suspect that even more when she took her second class with me. After class, she would often drop by my office to chat. I got the distinct impression that she was lonely, and that she appreciated having someone who would listen to her concerns and not be judgmental.

Then, one day, I was walking home after my last class and noticed several students clustered near the entrance to the cafeteria. From the way they were clustered, and from the low murmuring, it was clear that something was going on. I asked what was happening, and the response I got was, "Some girl is freaking out, and won't let anybody near her."

I immediately suspected it was Elizabeth.

I went in, and sure enough, Elizabeth was in a corner, sobbing. So, I sat down with her, and for the next hour or so, she literally cried on my shoulder. It seems that she'd gotten into an altercation with someone, and all the stress that had been accumulating for quite awhile caused her to have a breakdown.

After she'd calmed somewhat, and after a counselor arrived, we called her mother. As soon as she answered the phone, she asked who I was. I told her, and she immediately said, "Oh, I've heard all about you!" Fortunately, her tone of voice suggested that this wasn't a bad thing at all. Anyway, Elizabeth's mother talked to her, and helped calm her further. She also informed us that Elizabeth is subject to panic attacks, and has medication to help her deal with them. So, a student was dispatched to Elizabeth's dorm room to get the medication, and the crisis was dealt with.

Long story short, I've never brought up the incident with Elizabeth, for fear of perhaps embarrassing her, but when she sees me on campus, she usually comes up to say hello, with a big (and seemingly genuine) smile, and gives me a quick hug.

Since then, she has visited my office to talk on several occasions, but seems much more genuinely happy. If it's because she knows that she can talk out her personal issues without being judged, then I'm happy to be able to be of some service. She has also acquired a boyfriend recently (and he seems like a very decent and caring fellow), which seems to have done wonders for her self-esteem.

The second student is Jennifer. When she took my Introductory Biology course, my first thought upon meeting her was, "That is a strikingly beautiful young woman; she could easily be a professional model." She's tall and athletically built, with flawless skin and long, flowing red hair.

[She later told me, by the way, that she has done some modeling. Apparently, because of her striking looks, she has been approached to do some modeling work. She said that she used to enjoy it, but has pretty-much stopped, because clients started asking her to do nudity.]

Anyway, my impression from her in my Introductory Biology class was that she was quite reserved. She sat in the back, almost never spoke unless directly asked a question, and seemed rather shy when forced to speak. Nonetheless, from observing her interactions with her classmates, I gathered the impression that she was nonetheless a very kind and caring person.

The next class she took with me was last semester, my Zoology class. Again, we had very few interactions, but something interesting happened near the end of the semester. She was evidently having trouble deciding on what classes to take in the future, so stopped by my office to ask for help and for advice.

That went well, I suppose, and over the next several days, she stopped by my office on several occasions to ask for advice. Then, she started stopping by occasionally to tell me about what was going on in her life. As with Elizabeth, it quickly became apparent to me that what she really needed was someone who would listen to her, offer advice where appropriate, and refrain from making judgment.

Then a most curious thing happened.

I like to bring live animals to my Zoology labs, of course, and so when we're doing the lab on Fishes, for example, I'll go down to the creek and catch some minnows to show to the students. I'll bring in frogs and salamanders for the Amphibians lab, and so forth. [That's not the "most curious thing", of course.]

The curious thing is that quiet, reserved Jennifer asked me if she could help me catch critters for the lab. Naturally, I love to encourage students to appreciate the natural world, so I told her that I'd be happy to have her help.

So, for the next few weeks, whenever I went out to catch critters for the lab, this tall, strikingly-beautiful young woman -- whom you'd think to look at her would be terrified of ever getting the least bit dirty -- would accompany me. She hauled nets, held snakes in her bare hands, waded into the creek to catch salamanders. And loved it. She told me she was so grateful for the opportunity, that she'd never gotten to do anything like that before, and that she couldn't believe how much fun she was having. Furthermore, she made me promise that I'd take her out critter-hunting again when I'm collecting critters for this year's classes.

[And she occasionally sends me pictures of interesting critters she encounters now. Yesterday, she e-mailed me a picture of a Northern Water Snake (Nerodia sipedon) that she found near her dorm.]

On those critter-hunting expeditions, she also spent a lot of time talking, telling me about her life. For someone who has seemingly won the genetic lottery, she has a lot of ... concerns.

She came by my office yesterday, to talk. We talked for about an hour. (Mostly, she talked, and I listened.)

Her looks, she thinks, are more of a curse than anything else. She said that she has stopped dating, because she got tired of guys constantly asking her out, but making it clear that they cared only about her looks. What's more, a lot of guys seem to think that they have the right to touch her, which she finds really creepy and uncomfortable. Apparently, guys are always trying to touch her, and she doesn't like it at all. They try to put their arms around her shoulder, or try to touch her hair, which is bad enough -- but sometimes they go so far as to put their hands on her thighs, which is really creepy and is very unwanted attention, as far as she's concerned.

And though she's an athlete (a basketball player), she doesn't like to go to the gym, because if there are any men there, every time she turns around, she catches someone ogling her. Including, creepily, the College President. She told me that she hates going to the gym to find him there, because he stares at her the whole time. [Ick.]

She told me that part of what makes it so stressful is that even her own mother is constantly telling her how beautiful she is -- but seldom seems to praise her intelligence or goodness.

The thing is, Jennifer is an excellent student. She did very well in both of the classes that she took with me. When the subject of Jennifer has come up in discussions with other faculty members (yes, of course we talk about students), the unanimous opinion is that she's one of the best students we've ever had the pleasure of dealing with.

So, I spent a lot of time yesterday telling her that what she looks like is not what defines her as a person. She's an intelligent, kind, and empathetic person, and that is what makes her a very worthwhile person.

But she doesn't really seem to believe it. She told me that she came to talk with me because -- less than a week into the new semester -- she's already feeling very stressed.

[She tells me that she wants to be a physician, and I've repeatedly told her that I think she'll be an excellent physician. In addition to being very intelligent, she's kind and empathetic by nature ("maybe too empathetic," she commented), and these qualities will serve her well in her chosen profession.]

She told me that she really wishes she was a guy. She's tired of being judged by her looks; she's tired of being treated like an object by guys who think they have the right to brazenly stare at her and/or put their hands on her without her permission, and are clearly hoping to get into her pants.

And she really wishes she could go for a walk in an isolated area on her own. She wishes she could go camping or hiking by herself without having to worry that she might be assaulted.

... I really wish I could have thought of something to tell her other than "You're right; none of that is at all fair, and I really wish I could change it.".

As is the case with Elizabeth, I'm really glad that I can be there for Jennifer, and that I can offer a metaphorical shoulder to cry upon, that I can offer a sympathetic ear and perhaps the occasional bit of useful advice. But I also find myself desperately wishing there was something more useful that I could do.

Anyway, Jennifer gave me a quick hug when she left. Given that she has flat-out told me that she generally doesn't particularly like to be touched, and that she knows I'm an introvert myself and not at all a "touchy-feely" sort, I figure that was a sign of her gratitude that I was willing to offer a sympathetic ear. She seemed to be much happier when she left than she had been when she arrived, so hopefully, I was able to do a bit of good.

***

In vaguely related news, I have only 3 students enrolled in my Field Biology course. That's actually just-about a perfect size. (I had 8 students the last time I taught it. From rumors that got back to me, apparently, the story was that I was some sort of ruthless slave-driver, hauling them up and down mountains in search of interesting plants and animals, and driving them to the point of collapse from exhaustion.)

I know all 3 of them, and they're good students, and quite enthusiastic, judging from the first class meeting. I think it'll be a fun class. (Jennifer wants to take the course, and tells me that she plans to sign up for it next year.)

As it happens, all 3 of them are female. That might actually be a good thing; the last time I taught the course, some of the students were male and some were female. I noticed that some of the guys seemed to be more interested in trying to impress the girls than in paying strict attention to what they were supposed to be doing. [Amusingly, on one field trip, as we were hiking up a mountainside, one of the guys in the class asked if we could take a break, "Because the girls are getting really tired." I looked back and noticed that some of the guys (notably the guy who had asked for a break) were sweating and breathing heavily, but none of the girls seemed particularly stressed. I didn't comment on who it was that I thought was really in need of a break, but I told them to take 10 while I did some scouting to look for interesting critters (one of the young ladies insisted on helping).]

__________________
“The greatest way to live with honor in this world is to be what we pretend to be.”

I like to bring live animals to my Zoology labs, of course, and so when we're doing the lab on Fishes, for example, I'll go down to the creek and catch some minnows to show to the students. I'll bring in frogs and salamanders for the Amphibians lab, and so forth. [That's not the "most curious thing", of course.

This is yet another case of "don't correct me if I'm wrong" but I want to imagine it's like a Disney moment, or some untapped superpower. You don't so much go out and hunt (except to maintain appearances to us mere mortals). You can walk outside and think about a certain animal - like Aquaman can telepathically talk to sea creatures - and then one will just appear, crawl walk or fly up to you and "be captured".

Poppins knows. Look into her eyes.It is by her sufferance the grinning fool Bert lives, yet, in ignorance.Her eyes have seen the deaths of thousands; thousands she could not save.Her eyes beg forgiveness, or release.As Bert carries on his organ-grinder's dance. https://t.co/7cxulCMk5z