I feel so much guilt I hate myself. How to heal?

When I was a child growing up was hard being disabled. I got treated differently. Even my parents treated me differently. Spanking never worked. I guess that is what led them to be frustrated. They did not know how to deal with my behavioral issues and social problems. They never even seeked help from a doctor. This led them to extreme punishments. Using objects to spank me. Or smacking me. I don't remember if they left bruises. I do not remember much at all.

What I do remember is what I did to the pets. I would hurt them. Mostly biting and. Pinching. I never killed any of them: I was scared to. Afterwards I would cry and feel regret. I stopped the behavior around 12 to 13 years old. Now I don't feel any urges to hurt animals. I love animals. I always have. I grew up with them until I moved out at 19. Now I just want to cuddle animals and kiss them. But I remember what I did. Sometimes I want to hurt myself. I get to the point where I cry for hours. I feel like a horrible person. I knew better even as a kid. I am feeling that way tonight. I have seen counselors and I am on meds. But even with that I have this happen sometimes. Just not as often.

Most Helpful Guy

you cannot end fire with petrol , for this you require water or other material that make this end. same way for anger love is remedy. you have felt enough guilt , it is nice that you love animal now. when i was child I read a story that a boy just due to curiosity make all the puppies blind just by putting some toxin into their eyes from a tree but later on he felt guilt and become a Vet. to overcome this in the same way at this stage what you could do is adopt them , or rescue them, give them love. for this you could start a new NGO or join existing NGOs. etc. all the best and I am sorry for your childhood.

What Guys Said 4

I would say that's normal for someone in your situation. Your parents beat you so you saw it as ok to do to these pets. Like often times bullies have parents at home who beat them. I'd say step 1 you've accomplished and your human for feeling remorse so thats good. Just help out at animal shelters and maybe it will feel good to give back. The maybe you can adopt one