Losing, gaining weight in public carries shame

Anne Hale knows just what Oprah Winfrey went through when she fell off the dieting wagon.

MEGAN K. SCOTT

Anne Hale knows just what Oprah Winfrey went through when she fell off the dieting wagon.

Hale may not be talk-show famous, but all eyes were on her when she started putting on weight in front of the dozen Weight Watchers groups she ran every week. She had lost 73 pounds on the program and maintained that weight for several years before gaining 90 pounds.

"I was skinny and wearing cute, little clothes, running all those meetings and being such an inspiration to everybody, and I was back in the fat clothes," said Hale, 40, of Long Beach, Miss. She stopped leading the groups when her weight gain became too obvious. "I was totally humiliated. How could I be a motivator when I let myself go back to the things I talked about not doing?"

Most dieters feel embarrassed, ashamed and frustrated when the pounds creep back on, but those feelings are magnified for someone who has gone public with weight loss, said Dr. Robert Kushner, a professor of medicine at the Feinberg School of Medicine at Northwestern.

That's because people in the public eye — say, a contestant on "The Biggest Loser" — generally set the bar too high, drastically reducing calories, working out as hard as they can to get maximum results, he said.

"In the short run, they lose tremendous amounts of weight," said Kushner. "They get public accolades for it. They took control of it and cured it."

But weight control is a lifelong battle, he said, and even someone who writes a memoir too soon after losing is treating obesity like an infection. "It's a chronic, ongoing, relapsing problem."

For her part, Winfrey said that when she appeared on the January 2005 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine, at a toned 160 pounds, she thought she was done with the weight battle. Four years later, she had put on 40 pounds.

"I was so sure, I was even cocky," she wrote in the January 2009 issue. "I had the nerve to say to friends who were struggling, 'All you have to do is work out harder and eat less! Get your 10,000 steps in! None of that starchy stuff! '"

People who go public with their weight loss often feel a personal responsibility to those who looked to them for inspiration in support groups, on TV or in a memoir.

"When you don't do the job that you are supposed to do, anyone with a conscience feels really embarrassed," said Judith Lederman, co-author of "Joining the Thin Club: Tips for Toning Your Mind after You've Trimmed Your Body."

Lederman, 49, of Scarsdale, N.Y., maintained her 80 pound weight loss for several years. She has gained about 15 pounds, and is working to get back on track.

"I'm recognized on a local level as someone who lost a lot of weight, was snotty enough to write a book called 'Joining the Thin Club,' " she said. "Well guess what? I'm supposed to be a lifetime member."

Jennifer Eisenbarth, 35, of Shakopee, Minn., was eliminated from Season 3's "The Biggest Loser" in the first week, and lost close to 100 pounds on her own. She came back for the finale, weighing a svelte 145 pounds. Her story was picked up in national magazines.

But when "The Biggest Loser" recently invited her back on the show, she had to decline. The reason: She now weighs 200 pounds.

"It wasn't just that I felt like I had let myself down," said Eisenbarth, a mom of three. "I felt like in a way I had let down a lot of the people who really believed I was cured of obesity."

That pressure can be hard to avoid for those who go public with their weight goals. Phylicia Rashad, the new spokeswoman for Jenny Craig, said she's not worried because she went on the program for health reasons, after getting out of breath climbing two to three flights of stairs. She has lost 16 pounds so far.

"When you do something genuinely for yourself, that's when you stand a chance to inspire others," she said. "If you set out to make an example of yourself, who cares? So this is something I am really doing for myself."

But for those who fall off, the shame can be intense. Winfrey avoided head-to-toe magazine covers. Hale changed grocery stores, went to different masses and declined invitations. She said even going back to the Weight Watchers meetings was daunting.

Part of the problem is that people celebrate weight loss too much and too early, said Madelyn Fernstrom, founder and director of the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center Weight Management Center. She wants the focus to be on more modest weight loss, though she acknowledges it doesn't make for great television.

"Is it better to have 30 pounds off for 10 years or 80 pounds off for seven months?" she asks.

And while obtaining social support in weight loss is crucial, Kushner advises against going too public too soon. He worries that people who see their role models go up and down in weight will become discouraged about their own struggles. If Oprah can't keep her weight in check, how can they?

With any luck, he said, those weight-loss role models will use their gains to teach others how difficult weight loss really is.

Debbie Rickelman, 55, a Weight Watchers leader in Indianapolis, is doing that. She gained 15 pounds over the holidays and shares her challenges with members.

"I think they need to know that just because I lost the weight and I'm up running meetings doesn't mean I can't fall off the wagon and really start gaining the weight back," she said. "But you know how to get back on."