People You Hate VII

-It's hot and I'm grumpy. In fact, I have had one of the worst days ever. I'm in debt, my phone got shut off, and I had to cancel some weekend plans. I need to let out some hate before it spills out of me and messes up my rug and my roommate has to clean it and my landlord gets mad and says, "what the hell is this all over the rug?" and my roommate is like "I dunno, it just spilled out" and my landlord is like "well you better clean it up" and my roommate is like "F U, you clean it up, you're the landlord" and" I'm getting off track. Here it is, the Famous Hate List" now more than ever.

-MINE:

-Late Graders: One day in late May, Prof. Asshead was walking down the street. "Hmmm," he thought to himself, "I really should get those finals graded" but I think I'll wait another two weeks." Listen up, you taint, I didn't sit in your boring class for four months and hand in your stupid papers on time and take your stupid final for you to take your sweet ass time grading everything. Oh God, I feel so bad for you. You must have a lot to do like take the entire summer off and hang out around your house" What a horrible job! Not to mention the huge stress of teaching 2 classes a week during the semester! Why don't you get your foot out of your ass and grade my damn final so I can see if I'm going to have a good summer or a bad one, you ass" I Hate You!

-Ash Can Sam- I smoke" I smoke a lot more than I should. However, I am considerate with my cigarette ash. There is a whole tribe of people who are not as nice as me. These punks will put a cigarette in anything" and I mean anything: a slice of pizza, a full beer, your carpet, etc" Hey gouch, I don't care if you come aver my house and smoke cigarettes, but at least have the courtesy to dispose of them in a gentlemanly manner. I don't want to open the milk in my fridge and find 3 parliament lights floating around in it. I have no desire to fluff my pillow and have a cloud of filthy ash come rolling out. Have some fucking class, dirtbag" I Hate You!

-Mr. Kutcher: We all know that Ashton Kutcher started the trucker hat phenomena. He had a whole generation of young women with pert breasts going, "I want to look like the guys that want to molest me!" And, we all know that the trucker hat is dead and gone which leaves us without a popular headpiece to bind us together as a people" as a nation" as human beings. Thankfully, I see a new asshole everyday who thinks he (it's always a guy, girls have more sense) is the new herald of the hat wearing set. This jackass thinks he will be ahead of the game and get into the "new" hat craze before everyone else. Oh, don't you just look exquisite in your white fedora! And that newsboy cap; it really brings out your idiocy! Hey retard, things aren't popular until everyone starts to do them so when you show up at the party with a tri-corner, American Revlution-era hat, you just look stupid" I Hate You!

-YOURS:

-Reader Ellen B. really hates: The poser stoner  you're the assclown walking around campus wearing a pop-punk band t-shirt, a hemp necklace, & throw back skater shoes. What are you? A walking ad for Pacific Sunwear?! You let it be known that you're down with the reefer. 311 is of course your favorite band of all time who's got the herb? ME, BITCH! You're the jerk off who has no connections and is always bumming people's bowls cause you don't own one yourself! Then, after you get ripped off of someone else's bud you fall asleep somewhere inconvenient while everyone else is tripping over your sorry ass cause the party is still going on! Its only 11:30 you penis wrinkle! why don't you pull your head outta your ass and hit this gravity bong oh wait, nevermind. You can't do that. cause I HATEYOU!

-Reader Jason K. Really hates: The MSN users who put their life story in their nicknames: I hate it when people sign-in with names like: "I'm really sad today" or "12 hour work day ahead :(", or better yet "I'm eating a yummy muffin!". You know what, I don't give a fuck why you're sad today or that you're eating a goddamn muffin! Your stupid cries for attention wont get me to talk to you so why don't you switch back to your old nicknames like "roxychick24" or "sk8rgirl16". At least now I'll now who you are instead of having to memorize your email. I HATEYOU!

-Reader Leanne F. really hates: The unfun drunk who sits there judging you for being wasted and sloppy. Guess what? I've just had a pint of bacardi. I don't know my name, I don't know your name, and I'm pretty sure I don't know what the fuck is going on. Correction: I DONT know what the fuck is going on. SO don't sit there saying to others that I am a sketchy bitch. If you want sketchy, I can come to your house when you are sleeping and pull out each hair out of your head. And I will laugh. So do yourself a favor, take a valium or a perc and calm the fuck down. Don't go to a party where there is alcohol and talk shit. Because the empty alcohol bottle will be shoved up your ass. Cuz I really hate you.

-Reader Leigh J. really hates: The person that insists that their hometown is the most exclusive, wealthiest place in the US. They often jump into conversations by beginning sentences with "Well where I come from " If it is so great there, why the fuck did you leave?! I don't care if you were captain of the sailing team and I don't believe you when you act like you don't understand what fast food is. Don't pretend to be annoyed by the supposed wealth you are surrounded by at home with phrases such as "oh it is soooo ridiculous." I don't care that your friends are so rich that they can afford multiple abortions or that you really miss going to Neiman's after school. Buy a fucking clue and realize that you go to the same state school as the rest of us and no matter how much money you have it won't change the fact that you can't form a complete sentence or that everyone thinks you are an annoying bitch ..I hate you.

-Leigh also hates: The Beer-Counter Historian: Similar to the guy that keeps track of how much everyone else has had to drink, but this type of beer-counter apparently decides that he isn't enough of a douche so he keeps track of everyone's drinking habits throughout the semester. "I remember that time we met, I had like 12 beers that night! What did you have like 7? I don't remember exactly.." I don't remember either- maybe because i don't give a shit! Drinking beer isn't hard, and it doesn't merit keeping score or becoming a competition. Drinking beer is easy! And in fact, the more you drink the easier it gets! So don't expect me to lick your asshole because you can have twelve beers and still be able to remember how much i had to drink at that house party on Halloween. I HATEYOU!

-Finally, My Dog Humphrey really hates: Bees. Everyday I go out in the yard and try to eat them, but they always get away. How can I resist taking a snap at those little yellow guys flying around the garden? Sometimes I can catch one in my mouth, but then I get stung. I don't really know why I want to eat Bees so much, but I do" I think" I also like to eat socks" and grass" and poop" and I like to pee on things and bark at squirrels" what was I talking about? Hey" I bet I could like myself here" YES! YES I can!

-This has been another edition of the Famous Hate List compiled by me and written, partly, by you. Have fun this summer and remember; Don't drink and drive" make your mom come get you like she said she would if you were ever drunk and couldn't drive! Take Care!

-If you have some hate, email it to me at suxatlife@hotmail.com and you can see it online!