Long and Lean

I do not like to shop for clothes. Books, plants, vintage china, yes. Clothes or shoes, no. But sometimes a girl needs a new pair of jeans. My favorite pair of jeans—the jeans I can buy without trying on—are Long and Lean from The Gap. Not because I’m long or lean—in fact I’m becoming shorter and fatter every day. They just fit. Years ago, Oprah turned me on to them, devoting a show to these jeans that fit like a glove. The jeans every woman could wear…

The mall in Fayetteville is so less stressful than Northpark in Dallas. There is no traffic jam on Central Expressway or fighting for parking. In fact, pulling into a parking spot near the front door, I wondered if it was a national holiday.

Inside the mall, three people. All walkers, zero shoppers. (In contrast, the Barnes & Noble across the highway looked packed—my kind of city.)

Inside The Gap—two attentive retail workers all to myself.

Me: I need Long and Lean Jeans.Retail Man: They’ve been discontinued.Me: Noooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!Retail Man: (silent)Me: DISCONTINUED???? Why?Retail Man: I’m not sure but there is a new jean basically the same. (way too cheerful)Me: I doubt it.Retail Man: You’ll probably like it better – It’s a bit skinnier through the thigh. Like this is a good thing??? (I saw him automatically glance at my fat thighs…)Me: Oh great.

Why does this always happen?? When you find something you love, something you can depend on—the perfect lipstick shade, the perfect fitting jeans, the perfect salad at ‘On The Border’— the retail powers wipe it off the face of the earth. Or remove it from the menu.

There was one sad little shelf of leftover Long and Leans, stacked in the corner by the socks, already picked through like the good stuff at a garage sale. Of course there were plenty of the odd yellow-ish vomit colored Long and Leans…

I bought the only two pairs in my size (denim wash not vomit color). But one pair was Tall – made for Amazon women, six inches taller than my 5′ nearly 8″ frame. I bought them anyway…

I wonder if Oprah knows about this travesty?

talya

p.s. I did NOT like the “new-basically-the-same-a-bit-skinnier-in-the-thigh-jean”… Not one bit.

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Comments

Oh no!!!!! I wear them, too! (And we both know there’s nothing long or lean about me!) And I can’t even go to the store to stock up on whatever they still have lying around. Maybe Gap thought that since we wouldn’t be eating anymore Twinkies a slimmer thigh was in order… 🙂

This is devastating! First GAP discontinued my Boot Cut jeans of which I have five pair and I wear them everyday with the worn and raveled bottoms and holes in places where I should not have holes. I have two not so worn Long and Leans in my dresser. They are the best. 🙁 P.S. You are long and lean and don’t you doubt it for a minute!

Similar in pattern but not quite in the level of awfulness, I find that every time I find a nice bath gel I like, it’s discontinued just after I find it. It’s happened enough times that I’m thinking of hiring myself out as a corporate brand-killer (for competing markets, of course). And it’s not just bath gels, it’s other things, as well.

For instance, I bought a ReplayTV instead of a TiVo, because I researched them and they were just BETTER in every way. You’re probably right now saying “Replay what?” Because they died like BetaMax tapes. (“Beta who?”)

I am NOT to blame for Twinkies, though. I don’t even like them. Or didn’t.

Oh no! It’s just like the Sonic ham and cheese sandwich. I’d eaten them for years and all of a sudden, out of the clear blue, they remove it from their menu. I thought my consumption alone would have made the sandwich profitable. I hope half price drinks from 2-4pm weekdays isn’t on the endangered list!!!

Well one thing is for sure we can’t blame it on Hostess Products! No more Twinkies…..It’s all about mind games and the marketing swivel chair commando’s who say Hey they really like these! Let’s make a change we are incharge and BOOM! They have rocked our world. I say let’s rock their pocket book. I have a relative that says they are not the only game in town. What are we suppose to by a bundle of jeans in this economy? Gap get real!

Oh my! If YOU’RE NOT long and lean – pray tell – (or not) WhatMustIBe??? Sorry about your jeans…I agree – they don’t ask their customers what to get rid of – they just do it. Like the McRib. Oh, and you’ll hear that it’s back right after it’s gone again. Sigh…NO FAIR!!! Cousin Cindy

Shopping for clothes is so depressing, at least it is for me. I feel your pain…every single style of pant I’ve ever loved and felt comfortable in has disappeared. I guess it means that we should really stock up quickly when we find something that works.

The decision makers must be all of 25 and thinking they’ll always be young and hip (and skinny-thighed). I’ve been searching for my favorite color lip pencil. I’ll find a substitute, but I LIKED IT. Wouldn’t it be great if you could find some of those jeans online and stock up?

The funny thing is I am SO not ‘long and lean’ but those jeans have been the only ones that fit me for many years now. I would figure ‘curvy” would fit, but totally doesn’t. I got the same “oh, we have a new line that is almost the same!” in that horrible smug I’m so fashionable voice. I can’t understand why GAP is being so cruel to us.

Also, I am not sure if this is true, but the smug fashionable pierced young man at Gap today said that Gap outlet is going to continue them. So, perhaps we are saved? Funny thing though, he says Gap Outlet is going to continue those and another line as well some “other weird kinds of jeans.” And gave me a totally disgusted sneer. I figure my life is much more fulfilled than his anyway. So I left feeling smug anyway.

Talya Tate Boerner

Hi! I'm Talya. Thanks for visiting Grace Grits and Gardening where I share stories of food, farm, family and fun. After thirty years in Texas, I recently returned to my home state of Arkansas. I live and blog in Fayetteville, try to do something creative every day, and believe most any dish can be enhanced with a side of collards. My debut novel, The Accidental Salvation of Gracie Lee, is available via Amazon, Barnes & Noble and through local Indie bookstores.