TOP TEN WAYS L.A. CAN STEAL THE KINGS v. SHARKS SERIES

10. While the Kings have the puck but unable to get shots on net, David Courtney belts out over the mic “LOS ANGELES GOAL! His 26th goal and 2nd of the game, AN-ZE KOPITAR!” In the ensuing Sharks’ confusion, all five Kings drive to the net and bang it home on the third attempt after missing the net two additional times.

9. Terry Murray fakes an epileptic seizure and falls on the ice during the beginning of a Sharks’ two on one, causing the play to stop…of course, this would only work once but, on the bright side, Murray may be ejected from the game.

8. Change Westgarth’s number to 14 and place Williams’ name on his back. Position him in a vulnerable position along the boards.

7. Remove all personnel familiar with the Heimlic Maneuver from the building.

6. Constantly pester Joe Thornton about his past playoff performances…and make him cry.

5. Bribe Dan Boyle to score on his own goal in exchange for a shot at Heidi Androl.

4. Since our female fans cannot grow playoff beards, they offer, indulge and display the alternative form behind Jonathan Quick’s net for each home game.

10 replies

Oh come on…there is no way you were offended by one of those. I even thought about you when I wrote it…well, actually, that came out wrong, what I meant to say is that I chose the words carefully to avoid getting your…er, you, um, upset. Damn it.