Thursday, July 31, 2008

Top ten conspiracy theories : sometimes a lizard is just a lizard

Via The Guardian :· 1 Area 51 exists to investigate aliens (48%)· 2 9/11 was orchestrated by the US government (38%)· 3 Apollo landing was a hoax (35%)· 4 Diana and Dodi were murdered (32%)· 5 The Illuminati secret society and masons are trying to take over the world (25%)· 6 Scientologists rule Hollywood (17% )· 7 Barcodes are really intended to control people (7%)· 8 Microsoft sends messages via Wingdings (6%)· 9 US let Pearl Harbour happen (5%)· 10 The world is run by dinosaur-like reptiles (3%)

The survey of 1000 Brits is a 20th Century Fox promotion for its new X-Files flick, which may have skewed the results somewhat, but I'm disappointed to see that my personal fave only barely made it onto the list at #10.David Icke, TV personality, Son of God, and prominent proponent of the theory that the world is secretly run by 12' lizards, recently ran for office in a by-election in England. He came 12th out of 27 candidates, thereby proving his lizard theory as far as I'm concerned.

In 2001, Icke came to Vancouver on a speaking tour. Given that his theories also include most of the rest of the above top ten list, some locals were alarmed about his allegedly anti-Semitic views and attempted to block his appearances.

In the following excerpt from an article in The Guardian, Jon Ronson recounts an attempt by supporters of David Icke to allay the fears of an anti-racist group. At a strategy meeting beforehand, they agree not to mention the lizards.

"The formalities were over and the discussion began."So," said Sam, "you say that Icke is not an anti-Semite." Brian held up his finger to say "wait a minute" and he rifled through his briefcase. He retrieved a sheaf of photocopies, which contained the writings of Noam Chomsky. Brian had marked passages that convincingly reflected his thesis - that David Icke was no more anti-Semitic than this respected Jewish scholar.

Sam studied the photocopies. He nodded thoughtfully. "This might be true to an extent," he finally agreed. "But there is a very big difference between Noam Chomsky saying it and David Icke saying it."

"Which is?" asked Brian, his eyes narrowing.

"Well, firstly," said Sam, "Noam Chomsky is Jewish. Secondly, Noam Chomsky is not mad. Thirdly, Noam Chomsky is, in fact, an intellectual. And, finally, Noam Chomsky is not an anti-Semite."

Henrick shuffled uneasily in his chair. He clearly felt that Brian's modus operandi was falling apart before their eyes. Yes, Henrick had promised to leave the lizards out of the discussion, but these were desperate times, and they called for desperate measures.

Henrick shot me a glance. "Go for it," I mouthed.

"There is full documentation," announced Henrick, which proves that 20 reptilian races have interfaced, intermingled and interbred with the human race, and are now controlling society from above."

Brian stared daggers at Henrick.

"Twenty?" said Sam, leaning forward."Approximately 20," said Henrick. "Certainly it is somewhere between 15 and 25.""Have you got the names of these reptilian races?" asked Sam, producing a notepad from his bag."Yes, I have," said Henrick, obviously pleased that Sam was showing an interest. "Okay. Firstly: Grays."Sam wrote down Grays."Next there are the Adopted Grays."Sam wrote it down."Then there are the Troglodytes.""They're the ones who live in caves, right?" said Sam."In caves," confirmed Henrick. "Then there are the Crinklies.""What do the Crinklies look like?" asked Sam."They are cuddly, pink, with old-looking faces," said Henrick.

"Then there are the Tall Blondes," said Henrick."What do they look like?" asked Sam."Kind of like Swedes," said Henrick. "Next come the Tall Robots.""They're the ones covered in aluminium foil, right?""Right," said Henrick. "Then there are the Annunaki.""The Annunaki," said Sam. "They're the ones David Icke goes on about the most.""Exactly," said Henrick. "George Bush is Annunaki."Sam excused himself so he could step outside for a cigarette. He returned to discover that Henrick had taken the opportunity to grab his notepad and add further names of reptilian races to the list."The Elderbarians," he had written. "These are the crop-circle makers. The Zebra Repticular. The Albarians. The Interdimensional Sasquatch. The Goat Sucker or Goat Eater often found in Mexico.""Is there friction between these alien races?" asked Sam."Yes," said Henrick. "Constant friction.""Do they actually fight each other?" asked Sam."Yes," said Henrick. "They are constantly battling for control of the 15 dimensional portals. One is in Jerusalem. One is in Tibet. Nobody knows where the other 13 are.""This," said Sam. "is a very interesting conversation."