Earlier today, an interview with Jennifer Aniston was broadcasted on the Today Show. She stated to Carson Daly:

“It’s always such an issue of ‘are you married yet… have you had your babies yet?’ It’s just constant… I don’t have this sort of checklist of things that have to be done, and … if they’re not checked, then I’ve failed some part of my feminism or my being a woman or my worth and my value as a woman because I haven’t,.. birthed a child… I’ve birthed a lot of things, and I feel like I’ve mothered many things. And I don’t think it’s fair to put that pressure on people.”

I remember the pressure that starts somewhere around 21 years old. Who are you dating? When are you going to get engaged? Are you planning on having children soon?

Could we please have a little time to figure out what we want? In fact, can I have a lifetime to figure out my life?

Immediately after college, I ran into the mom of a classmate from grade school. Her son was getting married and “achieved” the privileged position of having his engagement in the local paper. She then inquires “so… when will your picture be in the paper?”

See. No pressure.

Over the years, I’d catch up with high school and college friends after a few months. One of the first things out of their mouths was always “Are you dating anyone?”

I’m really not sure if they were trying to make casual conversation, if they really cared about me or if they were seeing how far along I was in the checklist.

I would grade my life an A on life’s wilderness and a D on life’s checklist. My life has been about the journey, the people I’ve encountered and the experiences I’ve embraced. I’ve experienced great things like receiving a master degree, having a one-act play staged, writing for religious sites, living in various areas in this country and being ordained. But according to the orthodox life checklist of marriage, babies and house, I have accomplished little.

So here I am asking you today.

Please. Pause.

Think before asking single people about their dating lives. If the non-married friend feels like sharing with you, you will know. You’ll may see photos of the new couples on social media. You may hear a former singleton ask if they can bring a date to your party. If the relationship is substantial, you will undoubtedly hear about it.

After a couple is dating for a while, think before asking them when they are getting engaged. Stop making comments along the lines of “When are we going to hear wedding bells” and “Let me know when the date is set.” They may not know and may not be in the place of their relationship to discuss this level of commitment. But all of us in relationships can tell you this: it’s rarely anyone else’s business. It’s between God and the two people who are considering sharing a life-long covenant. Please pause before asking a divorced friend if she or he is dating again.

After the engagement happens, it’s understandable to wonder when someone will set the date. Some people choose to remain engaged for a longer period of time. Please rethink your comments to the engaged person on the length of their engagement. Maybe they’re waiting until a family crisis is over or until they’ve saved enough money. But they may not feeling like they need to offer an explanation to why the wedding has not happened up until this point.

Once the couple is married, reconsider before asking them when they will have children. Deciding to have a family is a huge decision. It’s not a choice that two people should take lightly. Having children is expensive and has the potential of requiring one person in the relationship to place their career on hold. Furthermore, the couple may be having issues with infertility or other reproductive losses, and they do not need you to remind them of what they don’t have in their lives.

And then, finally, pause before asking when the next child will come along. One child may be enough for a couple. As I mentioned maybe the couple is having fertility issues. Again, if and when the second, third, fourth or seventh child is on its way, they will tell you.

So why can’t we encourage one another from our different life paths? Why must we force people onto a specific life checklist? Right now, is there a piece of you that wants to make the person feel bad for not “completing the list?” Or are you genuinely concerned about the life of the person? Instead, would you be willing ask them how they are doing, what is new in their life or inquire about a hobby/job/etc. with which they are already involved?

There are certainly friendships where asking these questions are normal for the relationships – you are close and talk about many intimate life details. But if you rarely talk with a friend, why would you ask them so many invasive questions?

I know I’ve asked the invasive questions, and I’m truly sorry that I did. Sometime, I was uncomfortable of where I was on my journey, and asking the question was my attempt to work through my own insecurity. One time after being asked “are you dating someone” for the billionth time by a good friend from college, I asked her “when are you starting a family.” (Maybe because I was tired of being asked the question by this friend.) She got quiet and said to me, “we’re trying.”

From that encounter I realized that these questions are sacred ones, and we ask them with great care. Whether it’s extended singlehood, divorce, finances, challenging marriages or infertility, we all encounter struggles in life.

I remember the Genesis story of Rachel, waiting years before being able to marry Jacob, and then struggling with infertility. She watched her sister get married and have children with the man she loved, and had to patiently wait for the time when it was right for her to “complete the list.” And then there was Hannah in 1 Samuel, struggling with the shame she received from Peninnah because of infertility.

Questions like these which seem harmless can bring shame and embarrassment to our friends or acquaintances. Let’s stop the exhausting shaming inquiries. And let’s focus on the beautiful small moments of life.

I was having lunch with a priest colleague of mine today, who reminded me of the significance of today. “It’s the annunciation,” said the priest. The church calendar remembers the day Mary accepted God’s call.

As Protestants, Mary doesn’t usually receive her due in our arena of Christianity. She shows up in Advent and Christmas, when the lectionary text includes the wedding at Cana and as Jesus suffers in his final hours.

However, this is a woman who was sure to influence her son. So very little is said about this woman, but what mother doesn’t make an impression on her children? I would like to believe that the ministry of Jesus and his strong convictions not only came directly from God but also came from Mary and Joseph.

So the annunciation is the day empowering the life and works of Mary. It was the day Mary made her choice. When she was called to birth a savior, she chose yes. She risked the well-being of her life to carry a baby outside the confines of marriage. Through her power of choice, she accepted the call to birth a person and, in many ways, a movement.

I also find it ironic that March 25 is not only the Annunciation in the church but the birthday of the mother of modern feminism: Gloria Steinem.

Gloria has spent decades remembering the voices of women, empowering women to make choices for their own lives – including reproductive choices. Through her time working tirelessly for the cause of women’s equality, she delivered women from the oppressive systems of the past and opened doors to the impossible. Through her call to leadership, she was the midwife in the rebirth of a movement.

Out of any day of the year, I look at March 25 as the Day of Women’s Empowerment. From Mary to Gloria to all of us, we are given choices – more than ever before. This is a day to celebrate our power – a power gifted to us by our Mother God.

So as we wait for the Supreme Court to decide whether corporations can control the choices of women and as we watch more and more states come up with laws that try to control our bodies (including the imprisonment of women who give birth to stillborn babies), let us hope that God sends us new prophets to deliver us from controlling powers that be.

This week, I heard of another case where an NFL cheerleader is suing the team for inadequate pay. This time, the cheerleader, Alexa Brenneman brought the suit as an individual as she claims that her pay equals that of $2.85 per hour ($5 less than Ohio’s minimum wage).

Even before this and the suit with the Raiderettes, I was concerned about this practice. When I was in my twenties and in much better shape, I had ever-so-briefly toyed around with the thought of auditioning the Buccaneers cheerleaders. I thought I remember that they made somewhere between $50-$100 per game. But then I read a 2003 article which notes that they receive no monetary compensation for ANY of their work or efforts – except they receive two tickets per game.

I tried to see how much money the cheerleaders make now, but could not find any numbers. But looking at their site now, I see that it even costs $40 to audition for a role of cheerleader. Plus, during the season, they are required to give 50 hours of charity work per season. Furthermore, it doesn’t take into account how much it costs to look the way an NFL cheerleader should look.

The NFL acts like it’s doing women a favor or something…

At the same time, the men are getting paid millions of dollars per season while the women only a couple or few thousand. Or, like the Buccaneer cheerleaders, they may make nothing. Granted, the men are competing in a sport where concussions are expected and life expectancy is short. But when the mascot makes twenty-some thousand per year to sixty-some thousand per year, getting paid a couple of thousand dollars to look good, be athletic and wear barely any clothing sounds entirely and completely off balance.

To hear an individual cheerleader or cheerleading team stands up for themselves is refreshing, especially when their work matters to an organization or corporation. (The Bengals organization makes approximately $1 million off of the work of the Ben-Gals cheerleaders.)

This issue reflects something larger in our society. First Ladies give many hours per week filling ambassador-like roles. Yet they receive no compensation. I often wonder if a First Lady could refuse the role and live a completely private life or work completely in her own position away from the White House. And if a man ever fills the role of “First Lady,” would they reconsider compensation rates?

And then there are many churches where the wife of the pastor is required to fill a role for – once again – no salary. Since stay-at-home parenting is predominantly completed by women, minimal to no thought is given to their compensation package and must rely solely on their spouse’s income.

But stay-at-home moms who are married and have a man taking care of them are heralded as heroes while stay-at-home moms who are single and must live on welfare are called “welfare queens” and “lazy.” I have the utmost respect for anyone who chooses this calling, whether they are married or not.

I clearly remember hearing Gloria Steinem say in one of her speeches that stay-at-home moms should get compensation for their work. And the reason is my next point…

Here’s the big issue: to our society, compensation is equivalent to value. When you make more money, you “matter” more. When you don’t make as much money, you matter less – unless you fill the societal proper role of your gender.

This is the exception: To our society, it’s ok if you make no money as long as you are a woman supporting a man – either his team, his fantasy, his role as leader, his job, etc. Apparently, that is reward in itself.

But what our culture forgets is that women and men are both made in God’s image and all are given gifts to make this world a strong place. When a woman works, her work is just as valuable as a man’s. And while it’s not my calling, even cheerleaders deserve the same respect and validation for their hard work as anyone else.

In reflecting upon this, I remember a story in scriptures that show women standing up for their fair share. Numbers 27 recalls the narrative of Zelophehad’s daughters who want their part of their father’s estate. Moses advocates on behalf of them, and God responds “Zelophehad’s daughters are right in what they are saying.”