Did you know that married couples between the ages of 30-39 have sex on average seven times a month? That's roughly 20% less than married couples in their 20's. You don't have to be included in those stats - these four tips can help you make intimacy a higher priority in your marriage.

Physical intimacy is a vital part of any thriving marriage. It's a special connection that only you and your spouse share together. It's a symbol of your love and unity. Sexual intimacy is key to nurturing your marriage.

Unfortunately, sexual intimacy is also something that, over time, can become a bit mundane and less fulfilling than it once was. Remember when you were newlyweds and you couldn't get to bed early enough to spend some intimate time together? Perhaps now you fall into bed dead-tired with barely enough energy for a goodnight kiss. Remember when intimacy was energizing and renewing? Perhaps now it often feels like more of a chore. Remember when intimacy gave you the deepest feelings of love and connection with your sweetheart? Perhaps now you're left feeling a bit empty.

If you feel like your intimate relationship with your spouse has taken a nose-dive, try these four tips to rekindle the fire, and to make intimacy special again.

1) Set the mood

Setting the mood can really make a big difference! Rather than simply rolling over towards each other after you get in bed, try to up your game a little. Smell nice. Like really nice. Spray on a little Chanel Chance, turn down the lights, turn on some romantic music and then hold your spouse close while you slow dance. That's right. Slow dancing in the bedroom = super romantic. Then just enjoy each other. Run your fingers through her hair, kiss his cheeks and nose, and whisper sweet nothings in her ear. You get the picture. Setting the mood is one sure way to rev you both up for an intimate night together.

2) Plan on it

By planning on it, we don't mean that you should get out your calendar and schedule time for sex (though that may help some couples!). What we mean is that you should give your spouse a nudge and a wink before heading off to work in the morning, just so they know that you're already looking forward to coming home. Send him a text during the day that says, "I love you hunk! I can't wait for tonight!" Leave her a little note in her car, sprayed with your cologne, that says "XOXOX...later?" Whatever your approach may be, let your spouse know that you're looking forward to some intimate time together...admit it, the anticipation makes it so much more fun.

3) Get away

There's just something special about a romantic get-away together. Away from kids. Away from work. Away from the daily routine. Get-aways give couples time to recharge, to refocus on each other, to reconnect, and to simply be alone - together. It could be a week-long cruise in the Bahamas, a long-weekend at a mountain resort, or simply an overnight trip downtown. The price tag and location are not what's important. What matters most is that you're intentionally making time for each other, free from any and all distractions, so that you can fully enjoy each other. That bears repeating... fully enjoy each other. Nothing says romantic sex like a get-away with your spouse. So clear your calendars, pack your bags, and go fully enjoy each other. Wink, wink.

4) Start early

Many couples get married in their 20's or early 30's, when they're full of energy and enthusiasm for life. While your enthusiasm may still be alive and well, it's possible your overall energy has died down a bit as the years have marched on (or been completely zapped by a busy career, community involvement, and a couple of kids!). Perhaps in your college days it was never too late (or early) for a little intimacy with your spouse. However, these days your body starts screaming for sleep around 10pm. The solution? Start early. Don't wait to fall into bed to initiate sex. Rather, initiate it at 8pm when you both have a little energy left and have some kind of desire to be close to each other. When you wait until your teeth are brushed and the lights are out, your body may have already slipped into sleep mode. That's a nice way of saying there is no way sex is going to happen. So avoid the danger of the late-night hours and make it a priority to have some alone time with your spouse earlier in the evening. You'll thank us later.

These four simple actions can go a long way in re-energizing the intimate relationship you share with your spouse. So, start now and watch these four ideas re-ignite your desire for sexual intimacy in your marriage.

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What this article doesn't address is the fact that a lack of physical intimacy in a marriage is, most likely, a symptom of a larger issue.

It is not enough to simply send a cute text or wink at each other at breakfast. Those things are nice but they are not going to solve the larger issue. In fact, it'd be very like putting a band-aid on a broken bone.

If you are feeling a lack of physical intimacy in your marriage, please consider the WHY. Please be open and honest with your spouse as to WHY the intimacy isn't there. And if you don't feel emotionally safe enough that discussion, then that is a RED FLAG.

PLEASE DO NOT think you can fix everything in your intimate life without investigating the deeper issues, preferably with a licensed professional.

Here are some resources that couples have already found to be helpful in bettering their WHOLE relationship which then results in a "better" sex life:

http://www.drsuejohnson.com/blog/ - Dr. Sue Johnson has done revolutionary work in Attachment and Emotional Focused Therapy. She has also written the book "Hold Me Tight" available here: http://www.amazon.com/Hold-Me-Tight-Conversations-Lifetime/dp/1491513810

Dr. Kevin Skinner at Addo Recovery in Utah has an audio course devoted to creating and fostering TRUE intimacy and the free preview is available here: http://members.addorecovery.com/course/detail/finding-creating-true-intimacy

The RELATE Institute has a free online Assessment for couples (and one for singles) to help you and your spouse see where you are and what areas need attention in your relationship: http://relateinstitute.com/

Reply

Dan

2/6/2015 12:07:38 am

I've found that sexual intimacy is so much better when I'm emotionally connected with my wife outside the bedroom. When I make a concerted effort to spend time with her and help with the daily tasks, she is so much more willing and responsive when it comes to sex.

Reply

Aaron & April

2/6/2015 12:33:35 pm

Great point, Dan!

Kay

4/18/2015 02:36:05 am

In knowing that,be consistent, because that's important for her to not think your only helping her when you want sexual intimacy

Deborah

3/20/2015 03:49:19 am

Cecilia,
Thanks for all the great links!! And you are exactly right. I am a marriage counselor and I'm telling everyone, sex is NOT the most important or even the 'key' (as this article states) to nurturing your marriage. Trust is the key. Honesty and open communication come in next. And a couple should never 'schedule' sex. That simply puts pressure on one or both spouses to 'perform' regardless of how they feel and that only leds to resentment and bitterness. Also, the national average for married couples is having sex 1.2 times a week. If a couple is having sex twice a week, they're already above average. It's not the sex that needs working on, it's the intimacy. Sex does NOT mean intimacy. Animals can have sex without being intimate. Intimate is being truly known and knowing another person for the PERSON you/they are, not the sex they/you are.

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Iram

4/9/2015 08:55:55 am

Cecilia, it is a little unethical the way you express your self as if you know everything about marriage, it is easy to point out what is missing in an article, it's impossible to cover all in a single swing, but that is not the point, the point is they are helping people, this is not a competition...how many blogs you have?

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Chris

2/6/2015 01:02:17 pm

Thanks for the efforts. I know that this will help in a lot of marriages where isolation is already stepping in.

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Aaron & April

2/7/2015 04:13:46 am

Thanks, Chris! We appreciate your comment!

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Courtney

4/11/2015 02:22:01 am

Not every couple needs therapy. Low sex drive is not always a symptom of a larger issue within the marriage. My husband and I have a great relationship outside the bedroom. He still gives me butterflies. He'd have sex 5 times a day if life didn't get in the way, and I could go weeks. But it doesn't take a therapist for me to figure out that I need to make it a priority ;)

My sister has just reached her six-month mark of being married. I like that you pointed out that get aways are very important for couples because it can help them recharge. I should probably ask her how often they go on get aways.