Adjectives and Verbs

Blair from Wisecraft posted her 100th entry the other day. I went to my first tradeshow/craftshow in over a year on Saturday. I have been thinking a lot about my life lately. And, yes, all of these things are intimately intertwined.

When Blair posted about her 100th entry she recognized a few other bloggers that encouraged her and continue to support her. I posted a comment about how the blogging community has done much of the same for me. I have been so encouraged and uplifted since finding this community of gracious crafters, infertile ladies on their treacherous journeys, adoptive parents waiting in anticipation for the fulfillment of family, and long-distance friends. And, somehow, ironically, I still tend to be so insecure about my place in it all. Today, after much mulling and praying, I have come to some grand conclusions. My insecurity comes from my own self-inflicted expectations. And, sadly, I have inflicted some of those expectations on others. It all comes down to the relationship of adjectives and verbs.

It begins with my own voice pounding in my head. “You are so __________, you should _________.” As I thought about this interesting sentence map, I realized that most of my self-talk takes this form. “You are so __________________, you should ____________. I won’t horrify you with the realization of the actual adjectives; they are not usually pretty. The sad part is that even if the adjectives are positive, the second part of the sentence can still be very negative. “You are so articulate, you should write more.” “You are so creative, you should sew more.” “You are so insightful, you should communicate more.” So, even when I combat the negative adjective, the end of sentence pounces in like a prideful tiger devouring my confidence and confining me to a cage of guilt.

Unfortunately we do this same thing to each other. How many times have we extended a compliment in this same form? “You are so artistic, you should sell you things in stores!” “You are so eloquent, you should write a book.” “You are so patient, you should have children.” Somehow, when we are on the receiving end of such sentences there is a bittersweet taste left lingering. We were just handed a compliment, but unknowingly we were also handed a job to do. This mix of adjective and verbs sends a message that we should do MORE, that somehow what we are doing is not enough.

The place of peace within us comes from knowing when to end a sentence. What if instead of the comma, we inserted a great big period. “You are so eloquent.” “You are so stylish.” Or, even an exclamation mark! “You are so smart!” This is my new goal. I hope to not only exert these criteria upon my own verbal wars within, but to learn to address others with the same grace. Forgive me if I have ever unknowingly handed this bittersweet compliment to you. Forgive me for qualifying your talents with a future task. I am learning and growing and realizing that life is about Being, not about Being More.