Autism, Depression, and Chronic Pain – Oh My!

When Friends Say Cruel Things It Sticks With You

It is strange how negative words can stay with us for a lifetime and hurt long after they are spoken. Today, I was reminded of a conversation I had way back in middle school. My friends and I were having a conversation about birth order statistics and how the oldest is often the smartest and most responsible in the family – which apparently was the case in all their families.

I mentioned how that hadn’t really happened in my family as I was the youngest and yet I was the one in the gifted program, the one who got straight A’s, and the one who was least likely to break the rules. My sister was very smart in her own ways, but not overly academic or intellectual.

One of my friends (or more likely a frenemy) replied, “Well, maybe your sister is the pretty one then.”

Before I could digest this insult or respond, one of my other friends chimed in assuring the group that my sister was no looker either, which made everyone laugh. I didn’t let on that I felt anything, but inside I was crushed. I felt ugly and I also felt bad that my friends had insulted and made fun of my sister.

To this day, remembering this conversation makes me feel ugly, plain, and rejected. I wish my friends had been more careful with their words.

ah that brings back memories of my childhood! I am the younger of two sisters. My sister (2 years older than me), left school at the age of 16 and went straight to work, while I went on to Uni and got a degree (which proves your frenemy’s rule wrong again). However, she WAS the pretty one lol. I often used to hear comments, which weren’t meant nastily, along the lines of: “Is that you sister? She doesn’t look anything like you” and then the clanger “Gosh, isn’t she pretty!”
Even my Mum told me I was like a fruitcake and “would improve with keeping” rofl.

A strong lesson in your memory and experience is brought to light by sharing it here. Thank you for your honesty, and I hope it sparks the ignition for the engine of change that we would like to see.
Back handed and snide, they have no consideration or respect for the hearts/minds others outside of themselves. 😔