Weasels in bid to stop humanity destroying universe

Weasels have sabotaged the Large Hadron Collider in Cern in a desperate attempt to stop scientists from ending all existence.

The news emerged after the discovery that one of the noble creatures bravely sacrificed himself chewing through some live wires.

Weasel Doug Shovel said “You humans are always meddling in things you don’t understand, but your fascination for firing particles at each other in order to recreate the big bang will eventually end all existence.

“You leave us no choice but to intervene to stop your primitive, dangerous scientific experiments.”

This is not the first time weasels have interfered with human science.

In 2014 weasels invaded the Washington Centre for Disease Control and eradicated most of the US’s weaponised biological diseases. And back in 2006 a crack team of stoats foiled a plan by President Putin to nuke all of the capital cities in the West.

But Cern scientist Professor Hamish McEyebrau said “This is not idle meddling, and we are well aware of the world-ending consequences. We know exactly what we are doing. This will show all those stuck-up girls who wouldn’t go out with me…”