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Monday, February 2

Coming SOON ... to a website near You!

[Shot opens in total blackness, with the exception of a portly wolf who can be seen from the chest up in the distance. He is dressed very elegantly in a suit and tie, and his white pawkerchief is gleaming where it resides in his breast pocket.]

[MUSIC: Brief, sinister fanfare]

[The wolf raises a paw, and beckons toward the camera.]

Leonard Allworthy: Come closer!

[The camera moves in closer as the wolf continues to speak.]

[MUSIC: muted, sinister tones as Lord Leon speaks.]

Leonard Allworthy: I want to talk to you.

[The camera stops with a closeup of the wolf. He speaks to the audience, his gaze shifting from right to left as he talks.]

Leonard Allworthy: I’m going to tell you a story of astounding stupidity. The story of the Giant Gnat of Sinatra. For years, the Giant Gnat has carried the mystery of fabulous talent under its grotesque wings. I could tell you a thousand tales of the mels and femmefurs who have hunted… this strange bug. But every story has the same ending: humiliation. Listen to these incredible furs, all consumed by their passionate greed for the Giant Gnat of Sinatra…

[Cut to….]

[Screen Title: WHO IS THIS FUR?]

“Urp . . .”

[Screen Title: HE MAKES ADVENTURE A CAREER…]

“Did you know you have flies in here?”

[Screen Title: …AND SHOULDN’T GIVE UP HIS DAY JOB!]

Up early, saddled with an Aussie lunatic and poking through a rain forest . . .

[Screen Title: HE’S AS SLOW ON THE UPTAKE…]

I shrugged. Wasn’t polite to tell him he needed to use his larger brain more often.

[Screen Title: …AS HE IS IN THE DINING ROOM!]

Roxie’s old cheerleader’s uniform did fit Les pretty well, actually. Well, maybe not in the chest.