Month: June 2016

Time has a way of sneaking up on you. I have a hard time believing I’ve been a parent for over year and a half. Spending time with friends recently reminded me how much my life’s changed in that time. I love my son and being a dad, but it’s a lot of work.

This list is a public service to anyone thinking about starting a family. Take a good look, this is required reading. I invite any parent to add anything I missed or to share what lies ahead.

Did your better half’s pregnancy hormones make you look forward to your next prostate exam?

Did picking a baby name remind you of Congress trying to agree on immigration reform?

Let’s work on the nursery means she plans layout and design and you move furniture back and forth again, and again, and again.

Did your wife’s friends use possessive terms like our baby?

Did you call them up at 3am because our baby was screaming like a banshee?

Did you carry your newborn son around like Mufasa carrying Simba at the beginning of the Lion King?

Did you show the baby to everyone on the maternity ward, including security guards and the maintenance staff?

Was putting the baby in your father’s arms for the first time the best gift you ever gave him?

Dad holding Cristian. He was the best gift I could have given him.

Did it take you at least 45 minutes to figure out how to install the car seat correctly?

Did you put the baby’s car seat into the car gently like you were handing a carton of eggs?

Was driving your wife and child home from the hospital the slowest you’ve driven since you took your road test for your driver’s license.

Was your first night home alone with your baby the scariest night of your life?

Did the first few days of childcare make you feel like a sequestered juror on a high-profile trial?

Friends and family will want to see the baby. This isn’t a bad thing.

Remember when friends ask what can I bring, think big. It’s a limited offer so think surf and turf not chicken nuggets.

I’ve spent many a sleepless night wonder at the logic of giving a baby with a well-functioning digestive system prunes.

How long did it take to you to learn, babies will pee on you?

Have the words onesie, boppy and binky become part of your vocabulary?

Do the words Butt Paste make you giggle?

I’m convinced anyone advising sleep when the baby sleeps, never took care of a baby.