The non-expert expert's guide to the greatest game of all. It's a cricket blog for the uninitiated.

Sunday, 28 February 2010

Points For Andrew Strauss

While his team (yes Alastair, it's yours to borrow, to rent, to own temporarily) is out in Bangladesh (and winning, incidentally), NWG has been giving serious thought to how Strauss should be spending his time.

1. Farming. Apparently Cook wants to become a farmer when he has finished with cricket. What better way to stamp your authority by usurping your understudy and building an amazing farm (NWG was thinking Emus - they're crazy, lamas - also crazy animals, sheep - that's just sensible, right? And giraffes - not for eating, obviously, but for their poo. They must have loads of it, and can surely be used in some kind of recycling machine for electricity).

2. Playing rugby. The England rugby team need some help. Strauss could definitely do with some team sports whilst sitting out this tour, and also, imagine standing in his way whilst he's running up the wicket? You would be flattened.

3. Doing yoga. Flexibility is key to inventing new shots. If Strauss could get his leg over his head, or his arms wrapped round his legs inside out, he could fool all the fielders and leave KP in his wake.

4. Become a restaurant critic. NWG has always fancied this job. Going to great restaurants and being paid for it. Sounds like an amazing idea. Although could have the unfortunate outcome of Strauss putting on a bit of weight. Perhaps NWG is confusing what she wants for Strauss, and what she wants for her. Scrap this point.

5. Star in a reality TV show. There's loads to choose from. NWG hears there will soon be a show about a bunch of celebrities going to the North Pole. Shane Richie is rumoured to be taking part. Strauss will fit in perfectly. Or the opera star one (would be highly amusing).

My concern primarily revolved around the use of the word 'usurping'. Yuk! This is most unlike you Mare. There is only one word possibly worse than that and that's 'augurs'. Couldn't you use something like 'serendipity'? That's a nice word init Mare?

Nightwatchgirl's Pick of the Cricket News this week

Farewell Ricky Ponting and Michael Hussey. NWG always enjoys it when useful Australian batsmen retire, even if one of them is moody and small.

Stuart Broad is on NWG's naughty list. If she ever meets him she would like to educate him in how to be a polite human being instead of being mean to Sir Ian Botham. It's not on Stuart. And that's probably why your heel hurts. Just saying.

Of all the things to invent in the world of cricket, did we really need wickets that light up when they get hit? NWG is doubtful. The Big Bash therefore falls short in terms of innovation. She would have preferred one fielder to have springs in their shoes so they could jump really high or something equally as funny/ridiculous/dangerous.

NWG would like to advertise herself. For once. She advises you all to listen to this podcast and note all the kind things they say about NWG...

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About Me

It is my mission to make cricket understandable to all. So along with cricket news, there will also be explanations of particular rules and any other weird business that happens on or off a cricket field.
If you have any questions please email me: nightwatchgirl@gmail.com