Gamergate - it's the fun new craze that's been sweeping the world! Even Gamergaters have to eat, and top of their list of dinners are French crepes!

But wait - one of the Gamergaters has hidden his crepes in a special secret place, and doesn't want anyone to find them.

Using your powers of deduction, can you work out which of these Gamergaters is the crepe-concealer? Answer at the bottom of the page!

RANDY BELLOWES, 24

Randy Bellowes is from the cowboy town of Pueblo, Colorado, and has been a Gamergater for 12 months. He lists his interests as "al fresco dining, ethnolinguistic studies, and the arts". The thing we must know the answer to however is this thing: Randyman, are you the Gamergater who has secretly concealed some French crepes?

CHARHELEMIT CROOL, 28

Charhelemit Crool, from Chatham County, Georgia, is the thinking woman's Gamergater. He's a smidgen over six feet tall, and sports the decaying husk of a vestigial twin on his left shoulder blade. But Charhelemit... we know that one of the Gamergaters has a secret stash of French crepes - and we need to know if it's you. Will you come clean with us, Charhelemit?

SEXXUS SEXHENRY, 35

Sexxus Sexhenry is the Gamergater with the knack! He's uncle to almost four nephews and nieces, enjoys geocaching, and eating tangerines without peeling them. As to whether he has a covert craving for French crepes, which has led him to conceal a secret stash of them somewhere... well... that we don't yet know.

"BIONICLE", 28

Italian-American Gamergater "Bionicle" recently bought his first shower curtain, but has yet to unwrap it. Could this be a clue as to whether he's the Gamergater who has hidden some French crepes for currently unrevealed purposes? Say, won't you give us a clue, "Bionicle"?

NESBIT NORTH, 37

Nesbit North is from Salem County, where he lives in a bush, and spies on ramblers while chattering like a cat. He seems an unlikely Gamergater, given that he doesn't own a computer and has never played a video game, or even heard of Gamergate. If he thinks that'll stop him being on our list of possible French crepe-concealing Gamergater suspects - he's got another think coming!

PRINCETON HAM, 29

Princeton Ham is the only Gamergater in our lineup who has written his own theme tune: "Princeton Ham, Princeton Ham, He's not a real ham, He's a man! Yessssssss!" (copyright P. Ham 2013). He sings his song while dancing around the parking lot of his local strip mall, and has thrice been arrested due to his provocative gyrations and loud voice. Would a man like Princeton Ham have any interest in concealing a stash of French crepes? Soon we shall find out...

LAMPREY SUCTION, 30

Lamprey Suction, from Delaware, has been Gamergating since the very beginning, and likens being a part of the movement to having friends. He admits to really liking French crepes... but claims has has no need to have a hidden stash of them, as he is very generous. He insists he has more than enough to share. Could Lamprey be bluffing? It's time for you to decide!

PRESS REVEAL TO FIND OUT WHICH GAMERGATER HAS A SECRET STASH OF FRENCH CREPES:

Did you guess that it was Sexxus - Sexxus Sexhenry - who has a secret stash of French crepes? He hid them in his gazebo. He'll probably just have them later.

But that does raise an interesting point. This article is also to an extent predicated on making fun of "the other side" partly via the medium of jokes about their looks, hence why SB evidently felt that comment worked here.

It is unfair of SB to invoke some of the stereotypes about "SJWs", but we're also sort of throwing these unfortunate randoms under the bus to get some lols about another stereotype. I mean, not to be patronising, but even factoring in whether we're "punching down", and some of their actively horrific choices, I'm guessing life has not been fully kind to some of these people, regardless of their privilege status (except Sexxus, who is likely reading this from the golden throne of his pleasure palace's orgytorium).

Basically, comedy is hard and even mentioning Gamergate ever is a bad idea. Also Sexxus rules and I'm a hypocrite.

Superbeast 37

10/3/2016 09:51:02 pm

@Spiney

Completely fair to invoke the SJW stereotype given that all the pictures are of white males who look like they live with their mother, no doubt due to suffering from psychological conditions such as aspergers etc!

"Sauce for the goose" as the old saying goes! We is either doing comedy stereotypes or we is not! Otherwise we'd just shout "ableist" and run to our safe spaces in tears.

Plus, be fair - Bionicle does look like many a Tumblr profile picture I've seen. Be warned though, if you mock them they won't be as easy going about it as Lamprey and co, instead they will call your employer and the local police and accuse you of being a member of the Khmer Rouge.

Bionicle infiltrated the list (with Biffo's covert assistance) and planted the crepes on Sexxus. Classic false flag attack and that is King of Pol Verified so you know it is true!

I also read on 5chan that Mr Biffo was on the gamerjournopros mailing list under the pseudonym "Mr Creepy" and was offering to "scare" any gamers who dare asked its members about those photos with the naked women, white powder and the Ubisoft marketing manager.

"9 reasons why The Division deserves 11/10" will be tomorrows update!

Old Red

10/3/2016 01:33:42 pm

Glad you're addressing more serious issues again.

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Nesbit North

10/3/2016 09:41:52 pm

My camel's toe is showing in that picture, how embarrassing! Nesbit North

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Dirty Barry

11/3/2016 02:54:53 am

Gamergate is like a foul magic potion that causes bad feelings, arguments and long posts. Even I can't help but sip at this vile potion.

Even pics of odd looking people can't mask the rancid taste. And I love me some pics of odd looking people.

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David W

11/3/2016 04:21:27 am

Gamercrêpe.

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PeskyFletch

11/3/2016 10:33:51 am

You just can't help yourself Biffo, can you?

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Mr Biffo

11/3/2016 11:18:54 am

I know. I'm literally my own worst enemy.

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Clive Peppard

11/3/2016 03:04:31 pm

The rage that ensues from such posts is a soothing balm to my ennuis on a friday afternoon where lunch was of the pub variety.

If any of this genuinely bothers you: put down your internet device and go outside, its a lovely sunny day and the pubs are open.