you will never be enough for some people

I was lying in bed last night thinking about life (as you do) and something popped into my head again that I spoke about a while ago now, but I thought I’d write about it again because I had some new things to say.

*Disclaimer – I feel like this is basically me repeating what I’ve already said 100 times in other posts but for some reason I still felt compelled to write this one. Apologies if you’re bored of hearing me ramble on about the same thing!*

I touched on it in thispost where I said I realised that no matter if I was 10 pounds heavier or lighter, long hair or short hair, feminine or boisterous, I was never going to be enough for certain people. For some, you just aren’t and that’s okay, it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, it doesn’t mean you aren’t actually enough, it just means that they are simply the wrong people for you.

I used to believe that it was my own problem – an issue I had that needed to be fixed in order to fit the criteria needed for certain people to like me, to want me. What I’ve realised now is that if I wasn’t enough for someone the first time, I wouldn’t be the second time, or the third time either. I could go to extreme lengths to become someone’s idea of perfect but if I’m simply not enough for them then I never will be and nothing I could do would ever change that, and that’s something I’ve realised now.

For example, there was a guy I kind of dated in high school who looking back in hindsight, I was never enough for. I was just too blind to see it at the time. The fact of the matter is I was never enough for him even though I would’ve done anything for him, and pretty much did at the time. 2 years went by and he came back into my life and the exact same thing happened again but still, I was too blind to see it. During the 2 years we hadn’t spoken I’d glowed up, basically, I was 18 this time instead of 16 and I’d grown so much as a person both mentally and physically (because let’s be honest, we all thought we looked great in high school but none of us actually did) and it was only after the exact same thing happened again that I sat there and thought, why am I not enough for him? Still? After all these things have changed and I’ve improved in all these different ways…why is it still not enough? Why am I still not good enough?

And that’s where we come full circle, when I had the realisation of Chlo, it wouldn’t have mattered if you were 10 pounds heavier or lighter, long hair or short hair, feminine or boisterous – nothing would have been enough for him, because in his eyes, you’ll never be what he wants, no matter how many times you try.

It took me a long time to realise that this was hisproblem, and not mine. Kind of like when you have a literal prince charming standing right in front of you offering everything you’ve ever wanted but for some reason you’d still rather spend time on the fuckboy that doesn’t text you back and only finds you interesting when he wants something. Or as a child if someone has bought you a brand-new toy from the store but you’d still rather play with the old one.

It’s a personal thing, but to them, not you – don’t take it personally if you’d walk miles for someone who wouldn’t do the same for you. It’s not your fault, it’s not because you’re not enough, it’s just because they’re the wrong person for you and that’s okay! We’re all different and I’ve learned to try and take it as a positive thing rather than a negative – you don’t want to surround yourself with the wrong people, you don’t need them as a part of your life, take it as a positive that you’ve realised this and allow yourself to move on, to find people who you will always be enough for no matter what.

If someone doesn’t want you they probably never will and that’s the harsh reality of it. As much as it hurts to think about, there comes a point where you have to stop racking your brains and driving yourself crazy over “what if I’d worn more makeup?”, “what if I’d dressed differently?”, “what if I’d toned down my humour a little?” – realise there is nothing you could have done to change the outcome of the situation, this person had already subconsciously made up their mind that you were not enough for them and because of that, you never would have been. I realise that now and so instead of beating myself up over the fact that “I wasn’t good enough” I realise that I was good enough, just not for them, but like I said, that’s their problem – not mine.

Whether this is friendships, relationships, even family members – for some people you will just not be enough because you are not what they’re looking for and that’s okay. It’s cruel to make someone believe they stand a chance as such, or maybe some people just don’t realise it until it’s too late, but let go of it all and know that you will always be enough for yourself and the right people will never let you feel like you aren’t good enough because you are, and you always have been.

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34 thoughts on “you will never be enough for some people”

You always have to be yourself and EMBRACE IT and that will attract friends and potential relationships! You’re right, sometimes you can do ANYTHING and the person you want it to see won’t realize. But if these people don’t see what an awesome gal you are then they are definitely not the right ones for you!! xx

Beautiful written post 💜👏 Loved it so much! I also used to change myself and act or dance in a way boys would like me but it isn’t worth it. It isn’t about me if they don’t like me,it’s them like you said. The right people will always love you 💜

Girl I relate to this so much! When I was about 16 I was going through the same thing, I would dye my hair, lose weight and try and change my personality and even then I thought why am I still not enough for him? So thank you for posting this!xx

Such a great post! I’ve struggled a lot with this thought over the past few years, but I think I’m at a good point where I’ve just come to realise that I just can’t. I always put people before myself, which often means that I forget to do what I want to or help myself out instead of me trying to save every human being on earth. Because I know that that’s impossible ❤ xx

Thank you so much! I’m so happy to hear that ❤ You have to put yourself first – it doesn’t make you selfish in any way, shape or form. We just have to do the best we can without compromising ourselves at the same time, because then we’d be no use to anybody! xxx

YES. YES. YES. I love this so much – the way I think of life is we all have different tastes; it’s physically impossible for you to be EVERYONE’S cup of tea. It applies to everything – there’s food I LOVE that other people think is disgusting. It doesn’t really have anything to do with the food; it’s what the individual likes xx

Yessss!! You always sum it up so well – it does apply to everything throughout life which unfortunately means people included, but we have to remember it’s okay to not be what everyone always wants xxx

This post spoke to me so, so much, Chloe. HOW DO YOU ALWAYS DO THAT LIKE AHHKJJFKJHDKJHDG are you a genius or what? I will never be able to please everyone or be what they want me to be and that (I have come to learn) is okay. You expressed yourself so beautifully in this post. xxxx

Good part is that the opposite of it is also true. For some people, you would be adorable even if you do nothing. No make up, no gym, no dressing up. In your pyjamas or shorts just your presence itself would be wanted. When you tell them about how great a certain celebrity looks they would say it’s make up and a team working for them in reality you are better than these. When you find such people just don’t let them slip away, they are gems for life.

Ahhh I felt this post in my soul. I’ve been stuck, I don’t want to say stuck because I adore her, but stuck, in this friendship for the past couple of years, and as much as I love her I know she doesn’t value me as much as I value her as one of my best friends, and it sucks cos as much as I try to show her how much it annoys be, she never sees a big deal with it, and I’ve honestly just come to the conclusion that I can only do what I can do, leave it in her court to do what she wants to do, but I can’t continuously make the effort and getting nothing in return. Coming to terms with that is honestly harder than putting up with it and you’ve hit the nail on the head in this post Chlo x

Girl, you have to do what’s best for YOU. I’ve done this myself so many times – stopped bothering with a certain person because it was clear that they cared more than I did and yanno what happened? We ended up drifting and not talking anymore because it was always me that was putting in (wasted) effort and when I suddenly stopped, there was nothing left. You’re not benefiting from that friendship and you need to do what’s best for you and let go, thanks for reading lovely xx

I so needed to read this post! It’s so true! I can apply what you have said to both relationships and friendships. I always tell myself – if you did this or did that it would be different. I was even considering messaging an old flame because I’m ‘changed’. But really, I could have the world’s best body and be incredibly successful or whatever, and the situation wouldn’t change. xx

this is so true! there will always be someone who will not like you and that’s okay! as long as you care for yourself and surround yourself with people who do then life will be easier! a lovely and compelling post, chloe x

“Above all else, it is about leaving a mark that I existed: I was here. I was hungry. I was defeated. I was happy. I was sad. I was in love. I was afraid. I was hopeful. I had an idea and I had a good purpose and that’s why I made works of art.”