This article was co-authored by Clinton M. Sandvick, JD, PhD. Clinton M. Sandvick worked as a civil litigator in California for over 7 years. He received his JD from the University of Wisconsin-Madison in 1998 and his PhD in American History from the University of Oregon in 2013.

There are 22 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.

If you have faced stalking, abuse, or threats of abuse, then you have suffered harassment.[1] When your tormentor has been motivated by your sex, then you may have suffered sexual harassment. However, sexual harassment law has been developed the most in the area of workplace harassment. Sometimes sexual harassment is obvious, for example, an offer of a favor at work in exchange for sex. But identifying harassment can be more complicated when you are dealing with sexual jokes, offensive comments, or flirtation. To see if you have experienced sexual harassment in the workplace, document all offensive conduct and then analyze it based on the factors a court would look at. If you need help, reach out to an employment lawyer who can analyze the facts of the case for you.

Steps

Part 1

Understanding What Qualifies as Sexual Harassment

1

Identify harassing behavior. In general, anything you find offensive can be harassing—especially when your tormentor knows that the behavior upsets you. However, not all offensive behavior will qualify as harassment. Instead, harassment is usually targeted behavior meant to annoy, terrorize or torment you, and can take the following forms:[2]

stalking

cyberstalking

a pattern of menacing behavior

communicating threats to your safety

2

Research workplace sexual harassment. Sexual harassment law has been developed the most in employment. Congress has made it illegal to discriminate based on sex, and this discrimination includes sexual harassment. You should research workplace sexual harassment. The federal Equal Employment Opportunity Commission investigates allegations of workplace sexual harassment and publishes helpful information on its website.[3]

You can certainly face sexual harassment outside the workplace. However, in order to sue, you won't sue for "sexual harassment." Instead, you might sue for harassment generally, or for another civil wrong, such as wrongful imprisonment or assault.

3

Note any “quid pro quo.” The most obvious form of sexual harassment is the “quid pro quo.” This means that someone offers you something—a promotion, a raise, etc.—in exchange for sex or other favors. If you were on the receiving end of a quid pro quo, then you were probably sexually harassed.

There are many examples of a quid pro quo. For example, you might be called into your boss’s office, whereupon he shuts the door and puts his hand on your thigh. When you object, he says, “Don’t you want that promotion I was telling you about?” In this situation, there is a suggestion that in order to be promoted you must put up with his sexual advances.[4] That is a quid pro quo.

Even if you give in and accept the harassment, you can still file a sexual harassment claim.

4

Identify common harassing behavior. Other behavior isn’t so clearly sexual harassment and will depend on the circumstances. You should pay attention to the following, which can sometimes qualify as sexual harassment:[5]

sexual jokes

sexual slurs and epithets

name calling, ridicule, and mockery

touching

physical threats

restricting your movement (such as blocking you or leaning over you at your desk)

displays of sexually suggestive cartoons or pictures

5

Understand the full scope of workplace sexual harassment. Behavior can qualify as “sexual harassment” so long as it is based on someone’s sex or gender. The conduct does not need to be sexually suggestive or relate in any way to sexual activity.

For example, making demeaning statements about women or men in the workplace could qualify as sexual harassment even if you are not talking about sexual activity.[6]

6

Analyze your own participation in the harassment. You might find your workplace hostile because of pervasive sexual comments. However, you also need to analyze whether you have contributed to the sexually-charged environment through your own conduct.[7]

If you regularly shared lewd jokes and made derogatory comments, then it will be difficult for you to suddenly claim that you found the environment hostile.

Part 2

Identifying Misconceptions about Sexual Harassment

1

Acknowledge harassment can be same-sex. Women can sexually harass other women, and men can sexually harass other men. There is no requirement that the offender be the opposite sex as the victim, and courts have found harassment in same-sex situations.[8]

2

Realize men can be harassed. Some people might think that only women can be harassed. Although statistics show that more women than men are harassed, the fact is that anyone can be a victim of sexual harassment.[9]

3

Understand who can harass. Some people assume that only supervisors can harass subordinates. Again, this may be the most common form of sexual harassment, but legally anyone can commit sexual harassment, including the following:[10]

coworkers

third parties, such as an employer’s client or agent

victim’s supervisor

supervisor in a different department or area

4

Realize you can be a victim without being harassed. You can complain about sexual harassment even if you are not the person directly harassed. Instead, if the harassment creates a “hostile workplace” then you have a valid sexual harassment complaint. A hostile workplace is one where harassment is so widespread that it is abusive and significantly changes the conditions of employment.

In practice, this means that derogatory comments to a coworker can be so upsetting that you find the workplace hostile—even if the comments were not directed at you.

5

Know that you don’t need to suffer economic damage. You can be a victim of sexual harassment without suffering an economic injury. Specifically, you don’t need to lose your job, be demoted, or have your pay docked.[11] Instead, suffering the harassment is itself your injury.

However, you should realize you can certainly get more money if you decide to sue in court after being fired or demoted.

6

Don’t assume no one will believe you. Sometimes people are afraid to come forward with complaints about sexual harassment because they assume no one will believe them, especially if the harasser is a powerful person in the organization. By law, however, employers will only be able to protect themselves if they investigate your complaint in a good faith manner.

You will help yourself by documenting the harassment. Just as no one should assume you are lying, they also won’t necessarily assume you are telling the truth.

Instead, you should have as much supporting documentation as possible, whether in the form of emails or voice messages, or your own detailed notes.

Part 3

Documenting Workplace Harassment

1

Preserve communications. If someone sent you a communication with offensive language, then you should hold onto it. That evidence could be critical to a sexual harassment case. Preserve the following types of communications:

voice mails

emails

handwritten notes

2

Write down your memories. Sometimes sexual harassment happens in private. In these situations, only two people observed the conduct—you and the harasser. As best as you can, you should document what happened and what was said.

Try to be sufficiently detailed. The more detail you can provide, the more credible you will appear.[12]

Include all important details, such as the date and location of the harassment, as well as the identity of the harasser and your own emotional response. Also note the date that you are writing down your memories.[13]

3

Identify witnesses to the behavior. Other people may have seen the harassment and can serve as witnesses to back up your story. Whoever investigates your claim will also want to talk to your coworkers, so you should identify those with relevant information.[14]

You should also identify people who saw you immediately after the incident or people who you told about the harassment.

If other people were harassed in the same manner by the same person, then you should identify them as well.

4

Document the effects on your health. You might be seeing a doctor or therapist to help you deal with the harassment. If so, then document your visits. You should also hold onto any records which contain a diagnosis.[15]

Part 4

Analyzing Workplace Harassment

1

Ask if you welcomed the conduct. By definition, sexual harassment must be unwelcome.[16] You need to consider whether the person on the receiving end did not welcome the harassment, or if they encouraged it.

Being silent is not encouragement. However, you might have encouraged the harasser with your actions or words.[17] For example, flirting with your boss invites flirting from them in return.

Objecting or complaining is proof that you did not welcome the conduct.[18] Telling the harasser, “Please stop doing that” or complaining to a supervisor shortly after the incident can definitely help your case.

2

Analyze the severity of the behavior. Another factor you need to consider is the severity of the conduct.[19] Being touched on the arm—though unwelcome—probably doesn’t qualify as sexual harassment. However, someone grabbing your buttocks and shouting sexual slurs is both shocking and sufficiently serious to qualify as sexual harassment, even if it happens only once.

In fact, the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission assumes that a single incident of touching someone’s intimate body areas is sufficiently offensive to qualify as sexual harassment. However, the touching must be unwelcome.

3

Check the frequency of the harassment. Isolated incidents probably do not qualify as harassment (unless they are very severe).[20] For example, a stray comment about men or women is probably not harassment. However, there is no magic number of times harassment needs to occur.

Instead, frequency will be analyzed together with severity. You should think of it as a sliding scale. The more serious the conduct, the fewer incidents there need to be in order to qualify as sexual harassment.

However, the less serious the conduct, the more incidents there will need to be.

4

Check if others find the behavior off-putting. Some people are more sensitive than others. For example, someone might think being told “You look nice today” is sexual harassment. By contrast, another person might find the comment annoying but not harassing. Lastly, a third person might think it is a compliment and feel on top of the world. For this reason, courts will analyze the conduct based on how a reasonable person would interpret the conduct.[21]

Before jumping to any conclusions, you might want to ask trusted friends if they would find the conduct or comments harassing. Tell them what happened and ask for their interpretation. Do they think the conduct was harassing?

5

Talk with a lawyer. You would probably benefit from meeting with a lawyer. Gather all of your evidence and schedule an appointment. At the consultation, you can talk about your situation, and the lawyer can analyze whether the offensive conduct qualifies as sexual harassment. You can find an employment lawyer in the following ways:

Ask people you know. They might have used a lawyer who they can recommend.

Contact your Employee Assistance Program. Many employers offer these programs, which can provide referrals to lawyers.

Use a referral service. States and many cities or counties have bar associations, which are organizations made up of lawyers. Many of these bar associations run referral services or can point you in the direction of one.

Ask another lawyer. You might have used a lawyer to buy a house or handle an estate matter. Call this person up and ask if they can recommend an employment lawyer.

6

Take next steps. If you believe that sexual harassment has taken place, then you should complain to your Human Resources department or your supervisor. Your employer will not be legally responsible for a hostile work environment created by a coworker unless you put the employer on notice of the harassment.[22]

You also should think about complaining to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission or an equivalent state agency.

After complaining to an agency, you could also bring a lawsuit in federal court for sexual harassment.

Community Q&A

I'm in middle school. This group of boys always yell at me "Hey, babe, let's go out, you look so sexy." The teachers see, but they don't care I told parent about them harassing girls, and they just laughed. What do I do?

Tom De Backer

Top Answerer

No one is allowed to ever do anything you don't like. This includes sex, kissing, touching, invading your personal space and hollering at you. The severity of these examples decreases, but you are perfectly within your right to demand respect. Keep talking to adults until you get the help you need to solve this. Those boys need to learn what is acceptable and what is not, you can't teach them that by yourself. Demand that the teacher or parent listen to you, take you seriously and act. Keep doing that until it stops. File a complaint with the police even. Their behavior is never OK.

A few boys keep invading my space and saying things about my body, or making suggestive comments. I'm scared to report it to an adult, but what could I do to prevent it in the future?

Community Answer

I would really recommend that you tell an adult about this. They will be able to correct the boys and stop them from doing this to you or any other women in the future. If you're really too nervous to report it, then just pretend otherwise. Tell the boys that if they continue to make comments like that to you, then you will report it to an adult. Explain to them how inappropriate and gross it is to make uninvited, lewd comments about a woman's body, and seriously consider following through on your threat if they continue.

I had a friend (a girl) who would touch me in weird places and call me inappropriate names. She also tried to kiss me, but everyone said she was being friendly and to get over the entire situation. What should I do?

Tom De Backer

Top Answerer

If you feel it's harassment, then it's harassment. It is not allowed for anyone to touch you anywhere at any time without your permission. If your best friend wants to shake your hand but you don't want to that this time, then it doesn't happen. If you think this girl harassed you, then you should do everything necessary to make sure it at least never happens again. If you want to take action after the fact, you have every right to do so. Just because she's a girl doesn't permit her to touch you. The excuse "just being friendly" would not apply to men, and it does not apply to women, either.

If a relative rubs his hand and foot up my inner thigh is it sexual harassment?

Community Answer

Yes. No one should be touching your inner thigh without your permission. If you're a minor, tell your parent or guardian right away that this is happening, and tell the relative in no uncertain terms to refrain from touching you ever again.

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Article Info

This article was co-authored by Clinton M. Sandvick, JD, PhD. Clinton M. Sandvick worked as a civil litigator in California for over 7 years. He received his JD from the University of Wisconsin-Madison in 1998 and his PhD in American History from the University of Oregon in 2013.