I found this quite complex. Which is usually a good thing, but the italics in combination with the length and format made for quite a challenge. I would consider dropping the italics, for a start.

The dramatic suddenness of the 'in between' story is compelling, if a little lacking in metaphor/technique/etc. The cleverness of the title and format choice is apparent though. I would consider using more synonyms to create more of a flow, rather than a repetition.

This had me transfixed. I literally couldn't look away until I'd finished it. I can't say I can personally relate to this one, but I love it all the same. You get the sense of desperation across very well, mixed in with the doubts and the pain, even though it might not have been suffered yet.