After a 5 year struggle with anorexia (with purging tendencies), depression, self harm and over exercising I have now been recovered for 4 years and i use my blog to help others in the same situation i once was.
I am now a happy and positive person who wants to inspire those struggling to choose recovery and to take control over life and happiness again!

Life without Anorexia

My motto is 'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.

And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Sunday, July 31, 2016

Feeling happy in my body and how i am gaining weight on a vegan diet

Yesterday was one of the first days in a while were i felt good in myself and happy when i looked in the mirror. Recently when i've looked in the mirror i have just felt "not myself and too small", and i haven't liked it. And it hasnt helped that my family have kept commenting and then my readers commenting about my weight as well. When all i want to do is scream "it is not intentional" and "yes i am eating enough" and "yes i am barely working out at all at the moment - my exercise comes from my job and walks here and there". Yesterday however i felt good, i have gained a few kilo now and feel my energy coming back into my body and i also felt HAPPY yesterday. It felt strange but i felt happy, of course whenever i feel that way there are always small thoughts that tell me "enjoy it while it lasts" or "well, you were just faking being depressed then".... I decided to embrace those happy feelings and thoughts and feel good within myself and just positive in general.
Of course it didnt help when i logged onto my blog in the evening and see all the comments telling me i look "too thin" etc etc A little negative way to end my work shift, hahah... but i guess thats to be expected in a way when you have an online blog. But i am here to write that YES i have gained back some of the weight i lost, and am only a few kilo away from my normal weight and in a few weeks time hopefully i will have reached that goal again. As mentioned, i feel stronger, more energetic, more myself and feel better in my body with the weight gain. Weightloss is NOTHING for me, and not that has been intentional - whether you choose to believe that or not doesnt really matter to me.

I do not track how i eat or my calories, maybe i should but i dont feel like it. I already have so many numbers in my head with all the codes at the store so i dont really feel like tracking what i eat and even less like downloading a calorie app... that is a waste of time, battery space and nothing i want to do again. Instead i am focusing on eating intuitive but eating extra each time as well. Because intuitive eating = maintaining weight. But then if i add extra oil and butter and some oatmilk with my meals then i have a natural increase in calories without feeling super full or having to eat 2 extra sandwiches.

What i eat and when i eat varies each day due to work i.e somedays i eat lunch at 11 other days at 2pm. Somedays i eat dinner at 7pm and other days at 10.30pm, so i have no structure i follow but the most important thing is to just eat.

So this is what i am doing to gain weight.

Breakfast - usually 2dl (80g) oats with a handful of nuts and dried fruit, banana, oatmilk and tea/coffee with lots of oatmilk. Also start my day with a shot of spirulina!

Snack usually at work : 2-4 crisp bread or 2 pieces of bread with vegan spread & banana and a soy protein shake.

Lunch: Varies alot but usually potatoes and carrots that have been baked in the oven with lots of oil and salt, some form of soya product, soya yoghurt or oat sauce, lots of nuts & 2 bananas & coffee with oat milk.

Dinner: (eaten at home anywhere between 7-10.30pm): Similar to lunch just bigger portions i.e more potatoes, more sauce, more vegetables and extra oil on my food. Also always chocolate after dinner or after work on my way home!!!

Night snack: Eaten after dinner: Oatmeal mixed with soy protein powder, banana, lots of nuts and raisins, oatmilk and chia seeds/chia pudding on top. Or i will eat granola/cereal with oatmilk and banana, or somedays i just eat double portion of dinner and that fills me up.

Of course everyday is different and this is just a rough "outline", i.e somedays i eat more than this somedays less. But what i try to consciously do is add more healthy fats to my diet, drink more oatmilk (i.e i can go through 500-1000ml of oatmilk in a day just from in my oatmeal and tea/coffee). And my favourite carb source is bread and potatoes so i eat alot of that!And when i am home i of course add things like avocado, sweet corn, different sauces, hummus etc to meals but at work i have to just pack into my lunch box. I would also recommend making things like home made flapjacks or bars or snack muffins etc as snacks, but as i dont even have time to bake i can't do that. So rely on simple sandwiches, fruit and nuts as my snacks. And when i say i use spread it is not just a thin layer, it is a whole lot i.e most probably just "one portion" for one piece of bread or crisp bread.For me this works and i have gained weight and i feel full and energetic from how i eat as well as loving what i eat. Though of course i wish i had time to be more creative and eat more varied but as i love what i eat and this is the food i buy/have at home as well as working all day then there isnt time for so much variation.
So.. i hope this helps anyone, maybe.

(Also i add nutritional yeast to my lunches/dinners to get B vitamin and take other supplements to help me get all my vitamins and minerals.)

And of course, i eat pasta, rice, pizza etc when i crave it. But if i dont crave it i dont see the point of eating it just because... for me food is about enjoying what i eat. I dont want food to be "i have to eat this or have to eat", it should be about enjoying what i eat and that is what i do. But then at times like now, making a conscious effort to eat a little more/more calorie dense food.

And now we can just stop commenting about my weight - i have got it under control.

8 comments:

Looks sooooo good! One thing that a vegan recovering from anorexia must remember, that one really must eat big portions! When my d was restoring her weight and recovering as a vegetarian, her nutritionist made her meal plan with all too small portions.. ok she gained weight but slowly, and was often left hungry... When she was ready to move into intuitive eating and started vegan diet with big enough portions, she gained those last kilos that were needed to start menstruating and get rid of constipation that had been bothering her for months.

I just want to let you know that I find it really inspiring that you've taken something that could so easily have been a huge trigger and been so active in working against it. Your positive attitude is a real help to me, and I think it's terrible that anyone shamed you for your body when you are working towards being health (although I think many were just trying to help). :)

What do you think of vegetarianism (as opposed to veganism)?If one goes out with people, how does one avoid making one's own dietary restrictions into a burden for them by limiting their choice in ways that are burdensome to them? especially if they are dietary restrictions that are self-imposed through lifestyle choice, rather than medically imposed?

I think it's great that you continue to stand up for your beliefs (not eating animal products) despite so many people on here saying "this vegan thing isn't working for you" as if eating what we're designed to eat is unhealthy? They probably just don't understand that once you know what it contributes to, you don't want to be a part of it anymore. And don't take notice of the rude comments :)

SO happy you are feeling good today. Also, I'd like to sincerely apologise for mentioning noticing weightless - that wasn't fair. I am so sorry! I just want you to be happy as you have inspired me and helped me so much!! x

SO happy you are feeling good today. Also, I'd like to sincerely apologise for mentioning noticing weightless - that wasn't fair. I am so sorry! I just want you to be happy as you have inspired me and helped me so much!! x

Don`t take any notice of unhelpful comments about your weight - your weight is your business and your affair - and you are on the right track to put it right so don`t let thoughtless comments get you down :)I think your meals look great - so colourful!Great that you are feeling happy within yourself and having a good day. If you get the chance could you post more about what your job is like? like what your colleagues are like, what you actually do, any funny scenarios, what its like dealing with the public all the time and if you`ve made any friends? I know you love what you`re` doing - I`m just interested!

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About Me

Hello :)
I have had Anorexia and depression for c.a 5 years and been in and out of hospital for 2 years. But now im living my life like a normal teenager, I still have my ups and downs now and again, but i still stay positive and never give up.
In my blog i write about my daily life, and my opinions and views on certain things and i bring up topics and information that i think needs to be passed on!!
Leave a comment - love reading comments from people :)
If anyone wants to get in contact with me.
Mail me here --> lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com