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Saturday, April 12, 2014

The Thing That Happened in High School that Pretty Much Changed My Life Forever

When I was in my first year of high school, I fell head over heels in love with the swimmer of our school.It's not as simple as that, because he was my first love and I've never dedicated myself to someone as much as I dedicated myself to him. I even had 3 diaries written all about him ! That's how crazy I was before.

It was the start of school year, when I got hooked by this guy sitting on the floor in the next class. My eyes glued to him already and that's how it all started.I kept an eye on him then told my friends about it.

They told me to make friends with him and so I did. I even bought him a gift! Well, it turned out well and we became friends. He's kind and very friendly too! I was happy because he's not avoiding me though I knew he may think of me as a creep!

The feelings inside me grew making me confessed my love to him.

I know it's a one sided love and there's no way he would fall in love with a girl like me. But I was willing to take the risk. I just want him to know. Of course he rejected me and told me that he only sees me as his sister. (oh my innocent heart~)

Time went so fast, it was my 2nd yr when I got in touch with him again. This time was a little different. We even became textmates and he's slowly opening up to me. We became closer than we were before. After the rejection, I was still having my hopes up for us. Crazy right ?

how silly of me.

Because we both grew fond of each other in just a short time, we decided to meet! and later on became official. Yes I became his girlfriend. Didn't even knew if the feelings were mutual, I just went with it. Because it's like a dream to me and I'm happy so yeah! My crush became my first boyfriend ! I was so dead in love with him that time.

Unfortunately, our relationship wasn't as happy as everyone thought of. We barely see and talk to each other. No physical contacts, no I love you's none at all. I slowly became aware of it. I had countless thoughts running through my head. Does he even love me? I realized that I wasn't as happy as I am before. I didn't see this kind of relationship coming. I was happier when he's still my crush. What happened now ?

Despite the fact that I love him, 3 days before our 1st monthsary, I broke up with him.That's how I got my first broken heart. I loved him but I knew I did the right thing. He's not in love and I could feel it. I didn't want to force him in this relationship, it still appeared like a one sided love.

The Changes

Sorry for spilling out my long hs story. XD I was just in the mood to write about it.

That whole experience made me realize that you can't really rush love. You have to wait for it. In my case, I did became desperate for it and took the risks. I learned that no matter how hard you try for them to notice you, some people just won't.

It changed me to become a better person. I become cautious when it comes to love and who to love. I now know what are the do's and don't's of a one sided love. Because of my carelessness, I got my heart broken, but it taught me a lesson not to give your all for someone who's doesn't deserve it. To think that I was only like 14 years old when that happened, I'm too young to have my heart broken and was too young to fall in love.

Finally, I've learned to respect myself more. I didn't knew how much time and effort I wasted to the point that I looked desperate and thirsty for love. I become more confident and learned my worth. I also realized that relationships are not as easy as it looks. It takes a lot of trust, love and loyalty to build a strong and lasting relationship. Those who didn't go the normal route of relationship (confessing and courting) probably didn't last (at least that's what I thought xD) What comes easy won't last. True love takes time.

P.S me and him are now bestfriends, no feelings attached. I just felt the need to explain this before everyone else misunderstood. I've moved on a couple of years ago and that love was long gone. It's funny how we're able to become close because our relationship before wasn't really what you can call relationship since we barely do nothing. He's a good guy after all. No bitterness, no issues, no hard feelings involved just friends. It's not awkward. Yes, in my case, it is possible to be friends with your ex, we do exist haha!