Tag: Isolation

A lot of men go end up losing hair and going bald and 20% of men end up going bald before the age of 30. Sadly, I’m in that 20% :(.

I started noticing I was losing hair around 2 or 3 years ago. I basically had no hair on my crown and I got really worried and upset but, I didn’t do anything about it. It then started getting worse and worse. I’ve been using Rogaine since November last year but it hasn’t really worked and if anything, I’ve lost even more hair! My hairline has pushed even further back at the sides and the small bald spot I had at the crown of my head has got even bigger and moved even closer to my hairline. For someone who has depression, type 1 diabetes and memory problems, this is just icing on the cake. I really just want to die. Everyday I wake, 2 or 3 times throughout the day and before I go to bed, I think about ending my life. As my hair has been getting worse, I’ve thought about it more and more and it’s stressing me out so much. I dropped out of university so I could get well and go back but going bald is just making me more depressed. I don’t know if stressing about it is making me go bald quicker or if it’s a combination of things such as my poor diet and other health problems. I just know that it’s getting to the point where I need to shave all my hair off and it terrifies me.

As I’ve mentioned a million times, I can’t even get a girlfriend with hair! So what chances do I stand without hair! In my head, practically 0! All I want to do is cry and overdose on insulin but I can’t :(. I don’t know what to do. I went to see a consultant or hair specialist about going bald. We talked about having a hair transplant but it costs so much money! It’s roughly between £6,000 to £12,000 and as I currently only have £50 in my bank account, I’m quite a way off. The man I spoke to was quite nice as he said my hair was very healthy and getting a transplant now would be way to early. He said I probably won’t need one until I’m 30 but to take photos at the end of every month so I can see how fast my hair is going which I do, but it’s just making me more and more depressed. As well as that, I’m 27 so I’ve got less than 3 years! I’ve been buying Rogaine to try to help as well as other products such as Watermans Grow Me shampoo and conditioner. I’ve also bought Strand Maximizer to help. The problem with all of these is that it takes up a lot of time to use these products and when I’m going out, it either makes me late or stresses me out even more because I can’t get it done right or it takes up to much time.

I’ve been doing a lot of research into going bald, with the main focus on being if women find bald men attractive. I’ve put a few links to the websites I’ve viewed below if you want to have a look. One of the websites had the pie chart below which are the results of asking 50 women if they mind dating a balding or bald man. 76% of which said no which has made me feel a lot better but still, that’s only 50 women and they don’t really go into too much detail about the study.

Another link is to the student room which is asking students if they find bald men attractive. Most of them, saying no which makes me feel even worse as I am a student going back to university in September and I’ve never seen one bald guy there :(. Then I found a YouTube video of two women talking about bald guys being attractive and they said yes so :/.

I’m just really scared at the moment because I can’t get a girlfriend with hair, so how am I supposed to get one without hair. I know it’s stupid but being in a relationship and having a girlfriend is so important to me and this just lowers my odds even more. I think I need to start looking after myself better and maybe that will help my hair. Stop eating crap/junk food, start doing some exercise, stop taking too much insulin and not dealing with my diabetes and to try to distress myself. I’m sure none of those things will stop or even slow down my hair loss but it might so it’s worth a shot. Even if it doesn’t, it might make me feel better :). My goal is to save money so I can eventually pay for a hair transplant but at the moment, I’m just trying my best to slow it down and cover it up. I know you’re meant to just shave your hair off as its way less attractive trying to cover it up but I’m’ just not ready to shave my head. I can’t :(. I just can’t do it yet. I’m not brave enough to take that step and I’d rather kill myself.

If anyone has any advice on hair loss or going bald, I’d really appreciate it. It would be great just to talk to someone about it and to someone who can relate or help. I just feel so down, alone and upset about it. Anyway thanks for reading 🙂 Feel free to message and leave comments 🙂

I lose my temper so easily! I get angry over the smallest things and it really doesn’t fucking help, when my mum continues to fucking aggravate me and just makes me so much more angry! I’m about to vent about why I got so angry and I’m sure you’ll think “Wow. What an absolute douche”. Because it’s over something really stupid but my mum is just so fucking bad at helping with emotions or dealing with someone who’s stressed out.

Basically I was playing NBA2k19 on my Xbox and I just couldn’t beat this team! It was making me so fucking angry because I felt like they kept fouling me and defying the laws of physics. It was basically like I was playing against god. Cheating just really fuck’s me off and I know, it’s so stupid to get so angry over something so small and I wish I could explain why I get so angry but I can’t.
My mum comes into this because while I was playing the game, she kept fucking annoying me and antagonizing me. She kept walking in front of the tv and then pulling the door open and leaving it there so I couldn’t see the screen. She kept trying to talk to me while I’m listening to something which pisses me off! It’s like trying to talk to someone who’s on the phone. You just wouldn’t do it! She then kept telling me to check my sugar level and going “calm down, it’s just a game” and that just really makes me mad. I know it’s a fucking game but it means something to me which is silly I know but saying calm down isn’t making me calm, it’s just making me more angry. She then started to tell the dog to come out of the room where I was like I was going to harm the dog or smash-up the room or something. I mean, what the fuck? I’m not even near the dog and she was 100% happy in the room. She didn’t even want to leave the room! She then starts going on and on at me and telling me to do jobs and interrupting me and saying calm down, calm down! So I lost it and told her to fuck off to which her response was “Why don’t you go and fuck off”. Yes I shouldn’t have sworn at her but to then respond to someone who’s already really stressed out and angry with “fuck off” just makes the situation so much worse! She just is so useless with stressful situations, she’s not very tactile at all. She and the rest of my family don’t ever understand when they’ve done something wrong either so explaining to them that they’ve done something wrong is just like telling a murderer that murdering is wrong. My sister last summer promised she’d do something for me when I went upstairs and when I came down, she wasn’t doing it. I had ago at her and she still hasn’t spoken to me. My family made me apologise to her and made out she did nothing wrong! I’ve explained over and over again that I got angry because she didn’t do what she said she did and that’s why I got mad but it’s like she’s done nothing wrong and I’m the only one in the wrong! They just make me so angry!

I just don’t want my family in my life anymore. Yes, they’ve been very nice in my life but they’ve also been fucking horrible! I just don’t want them in my life anymore but, I need them in my life. It’s so selfish I know and it’s horrible but I need them or I’ll literally be living on the street and I’ll be really ill. As soon as I graduate and get my own place though, I think I’m just going to cut them out of my life. I’ve just been arguing with my family my whole life and I’m so sick of it. Out of all of us, the only who’s changed is me. They’re all so set in their ways that they’re just never going to change. Explaining to them what they do wrong is just a waste of time and I’ve given up on them. So like I said, as soon as I don’t need them, I don’t want them in my life. If I’m only living to 30, I need the last 2 years of my life to be without a stressful family and just dealing with all the other stresses.

I’m not feeling so down, angry and upset that I just want to die. All over a fucking game. So stupid :(. Anyway thanks for reading. Hope you’re having a good day 🙂

I’m now back at University and will be going to my classes next week. I thought I’d be happy to be back as I don’t really get along with my family but I’m not. I feel out-of-place, isolated. I feel lonely, like I’m not meant to be here. I’m living in halls again and my housemates don’ seem to like me. I’m 26 now and I already started university late at age 23 so I feel even more out-of-place than I did then. They’re all 18 so I don’t think they’d want to hang out with someone 8 years older than them anyway. The university has changed as well and they have new buildings and facilities and all my friends have graduated. I only really know a few people and the only one I talk to is the girl who ended are non-official relationship and it’s just really difficult being around her. I feel lost.

I met my housemates on Sunday and they just didn’t seem interested in talking to me. I already started talking to three of them on a group chat before I got here but when I arrived they didn’t seem to care. I arrived the same time as another guy and he just seems to hate me for some reason or another. Five of us went to an SU party on Sunday and two of them didn’t get in as they didn’t buy tickets. One of them was the guy who seems to hate me. He got in eventually and I saw him and grabbed him and said “Hey, you okay?” He just said “Yeah” and walked off. He doesn’t even talk to me in the flat or acknowledges me. I don’t even know the guy. Why are you being a dick? I hate when people are like that. He gets along with everyone else but hates me for some reason. Two girls I met on the group chat seem okay. One picked my shirt for the SU party so that was cool but they both don’t really talk to me either. We were at the party together and I lost them so I messaged where are you and they ignored it. I found them in the end but I just don’t get why they ignored it? I haven’t done anything to them, I just don’t get it. Walking back from the party though I spoke to one of them and she was really nice. We talked about being friends with people you break up with and that was really helpful as I’m currently trying to do that and she says it’s tough too. She was like “You’ve seen them naked so now it’s like awkward” which I thought was funny haha. One guy seems really nice and we both like Star Wars so that’s cool but again, I haven’t really spoken to him. I just met the other girl in the chat today and the last person is a girl in her 2nd year who again, doesn’t really seem to like me. So it hasn’t been a great start. I also saw the girl who ended things between us yesterday and that was difficult. We started hugging and lying next to each other and I thought something might have happened but she left because she was going to see a friend. Then 1 minute after she left she messaged saying a guy was hitting on her. Why would I want to hear that?!

So I feel so out-of-place, lonely, lost and miserable. I wish I had just gone to a new university and started afresh. That self-harming injury I caused is also worrying me. My cheek is still really swollen and I woke up with my ears covered in blood. Don’t know why smashing my cheekbone would have caused that but I’m a bit worried about that now as well. Now that I’m back I just don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t even like the room I’m in. I don’t know what to do. I don’t feel ready for any of this. Any advice would mean a lot or if you just want to vent about what’s going on with you then feel free. I hope you’re having a better week than me 😦