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Saturday, February 14, 2015

It’s Valentines day and you’re interested in someone but they don’t seem very interested in you. Ask yourself why you feel that way before you make assumptions. Think about how the person responds to your messages. Are they eager to reply? Do they reach out to you? If you have shared quality time together, did they express interest? If you kissed did they offer you passion?

If you answered ‘yes’ more than ‘no’ then most likely they are reciprocating your feelings, but perhaps they are too busy to give you the full attention you desire. It could be that they are just waiting for you to make the moves because they are a little more reserved and not pushy with their affection. Give them some time. Contact them every few days to say hi. It can be as simple as a good morning text or a middle of the afternoon hello, just keep it real.

If you feel uncomfortable with doing that then do it once a week. See how they respond and leave the ball in their court. If they are unable to reciprocate your affection in the same way then perhaps they may be too much work, and if you’re not into someone who needs a lot of work then it’s best to cut your loses now because most likely they will not change very easily.

On the other hand if you are into going with the flow and seeing if this person can at least change somewhat, then go for it. As long as it makes you happy it cannot be so bad… unless the person is bad, and then you really have an issue. It may mean that it’s inevitable to cut them loose.

Now if you answered ‘no’ more than ‘yes’ then it is most likely that this person is not feeling you the way you are them, in which case you should cut your losses and move forward. There are many more prospects to find. The more important thing is for you to know that the issue is not you. It could be the person themselves. Perhaps they are interested in someone else already. At the end of the day you cannot take things personally.

Let me give you an example of two different situations I encountered. One dude, whom I’ve never met, added me as a friend on facebook. After doing my little safety check of his profile I accepted his friendship because we had over 40+ friends in common and I could see there was a common thread of friends, so he couldn’t be all that bad right?
Well shortly after seeing my DATING UPDATES that I post to facebook, he figured out I was single. So he contacted me in private message asking me on a date. I declined for reasons of my own, which I told him, but won’t mention here because he will know I’m talking about him, and I don’t want to be insensitive.
In any case he kept leaving me more messages trying to convince me that no matter my hang-up with him it is still possible for us to hit it off. I started to get a little annoyed at his doggedness and told him so. He got the hint and backed off for a couple weeks. Then he messaged me and said “would you like to go for a drink? Just as friends.”
I declined, and not because he’s not a cool guy, I’m sure he is, but he’s not for me and I wasn’t looking to go meet a ‘friend’ who was trying to date me just two weeks ago. I felt I needed to make my position clear. So he backed off for a little while. Then a few weeks later he contacted me again and inquired about my business. Said he might need a coach and would like to meet with me to discuss his coaching options. I told him that I don’t meet with clients in person, and that my business is conducted primarily via phone, google-hangouts or skype. He then said “Well maybe you can make an exception for me?”
At this point I was beyond annoyed because now he was perpetrating like he wanted a coach but really wanted to get close. It was clear he was mistaking my patience for stupidity. So I let him know that it’s not possible to meet. Furthermore, I told him that if he wanted anymore info he could check www.cerisefairfax.com for more details on what services I offer.
He contacted me after he checked my site and said “Can I order your book?”
I said “Sure, you can order it from my site, or from AMAZON.”
He said “Well I was hoping to pay you directly in person for it so you can sign if for me.”
I said “I’ll sign it before it is sent.”
He said “Okay. After I order your book would you be willing to meet up and chat about it?”
Now he was pushing it…. Too much.
I said “I’m sorry, but I have to tell you straight….again. I’m not interested in meeting. I gave you my reasons already and I think you should respect them. I know what your intentions are and it’s becoming quite annoying now. Let’s remain friends on facebook and if the time ever presents itself for us to meet then we will. We share plenty of friends on fb, so I’m sure that at some point we’ll cross paths at one of their events and we’ll say hi. Until then if you would like to order my book URBAN PROVERBS you can do so online, or by email money transfer.”
His response “Okay Cerise, Bye.”
I was relieved. Although he didn’t buy the book, but really by that point it didn’t matter. By his dry response I could feel he was upset that his little game didn’t work. The guy took my response so personally that within two days he unfriended me. Now that was very immature and telling of why my instincts were saying no in the first place.

The second situation where I declined a dudes interest was a much better experience. We met on the street. He was walking dropped his glove on the ground. I picked it up and called out to him but he had headphones on and couldn't hear me. The dude was already walking fast down the street so I had to walk a little faster and catch up to him.
When I did got close I startled him because I had to touch him on his shoulder in order to get his attention. He laughed when I handed him the glove and said “Sorry, my music is a little too loud. I try to tune out the fire trucks and police sirens! Thanks for my glove. You look familiar.”
He didn't look familiar to me, but I've been in the same position before where someone looked familiar to me, I didn't look familiar to them, but by the end of our conversation we figured out how we knew each other in the past. So I asked the dude what area he grew up in, and what schools he attended. Turned out we never met before and I resemble a girl he went high school with. We laughed and he asked if I would take his number. I took his business card and gave him one of mine. A day later he texted me “Hey Cerise, was nice meeting you yesterday. We should go for a bite to eat sometime, or just drinks. Up to you.”
I am a different kind of kat. I’m not one to go out for dinner. I love cooking and eating my own food. I will eat out, but very rarely these days, and usually by myself. So at first I was feeling the drink, but was not able to make the time for it. I told him I’d let him know when I have some time. I was not going to meet up for romance, but he was an interesting fellow and I wanted to discuss business networking options.
A few days passed and he contacted me again and said “I know you’re busy but I just don’t want you to forget about me in the mix of it all.”
I got back and said “I’m not really free a lot.”
He got back and said “You seem to have time for your dates… haha, I saw an update of yours on your website.”
I said “Those are dates. Men who I’m considering as a mate, so it’s required of me, if I want a relationship, to sacrifice the time for them.”
He said “Ouch. That was straight up. I guess you don’t consider me one of the potentials.”
I said “No I’m sorry, I just don’t feel that vibe with us. I think you’re very cool and I’d love to discuss business options sometime, but nothing more really.”
He said “I love a straight up woman and I would certainly love to network with you, no strings attached. I know you’re busy, so please contact me when you have time. I appreciate your honesty.”
He did not take it personally and even found it refreshing to be told from the start what to expect from our connection. His response was mature and respectful. The way we should respond when someone is not interested. Don’t put so much effort into caring. Cut your losses and move forward… on to the next.

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MAY GOD BLESS YOU, LOVE YOU & PLACE EVERLASTING GRACE UPON YOU
~Cerise