Friday, May 25, 2007

Lessons in k, Pt 4

THE master Baba Bitkel had a visitor who came to inquire about K. Butinstead of listening, the visitor kept talking about his ownideas.After a while, Baba Bitkel served tea. He poured tea into his visitor'scup until it was full, then he kept on pouring.Finally the visitor could not restrain himself. "Don't you seeit's full?" he said. "You can't get any more in!""Just so," replied Babs Bitkel, stopping at last. "And like this cup,you are filled with your own ideas. How can you expect me to giveyou K unless you offer me an empty cup?""lyk dis," sed da bhisitor, n he threw da tea on Baba Bitkel's facen Baba Bitkel was nlytened.

THE MASTER Gamla said: "Neo, the first wheelmaker, made twowheels. Each had fifty spokes. Suppose you cut out the hubs? Wouldthere still be a wheel?"Manky sed: "d00d how many drugs r u on?"n Gamla was nlytened.

TWO kMasters, Shanky and Baba Bitkel, were walking down a muddy street inthe city. They came on a lovely young girl dressed in fine silks,who was afraid to cross because of all the mud."Come on, girl," said Shanky. And he picked her up in his arms,and carried her across.The two kMasters did not speak again till nightfall. Then, when theyhad returned to the monastery, Baba Bitkel couldn't keep quiet anylonger."kMasters shouldn't go near girls,' he said ; "certainly notbeautiful ones like that one! Why did you do it?""My dear fellow," said Shanky. "I put that girl down, way back inthe city. It's you who are still carrying her!"

Once a student asked old Jimmy: "You teach that we must empty ourminds. I have nothing in my mind. Now what shall I do?""Throw it out!" said Jimmy."But I have nothing. How can I throw it out?""If you can't throw it out, carry it out! Drive it out! Empty itout! But don't stand there in front of me with nothing in yourmind!"Da kSTud tried 2 protest..seeing dis, Jimmy lifted an eyebrown da Kstud was nlytened.

Dari once asked Neo to explain to him the oldproblem of the goose in the bottle. "If a man puts a gosling intothe bottle" he said, "and feeds the gosling through thebottle-neck until it grows and grows and becomes a goose, and thenthere just is no more room inside the bottle, how can the man getit out without killing the goose, or breaking the bottle?""Dari!" shouted Neo, and gave a great clap with his hands."Yes, master," said the Dari with a start."See!" said Neo, "the goose is out!"

Manky said to Kman: "K is a man hanging from a tree overa cliff. He is holding on to a twig with his teeth. His hands holdno branch. His feet find no branch. Up on the cliff-edge a manshouts at him: 'What is K?'"If he fails to answer he is lost. If he answers, he dies. Whatmust he do?"Kman replied: "_|_"n Manky was nlytened.

A new kewl skul was to be opened, and the master Manky had todecide which of his kStuds should be put in charge. So he calledthe kStuds together, filled a vase with water, and said to them:"Which one of you can say what this is without giving its name?"The chief kStud, who expected to be given the new mastership, spokefirst. "It stands upright, it is hollow inside, but it is not awooden shoe," he said.Another kStud said, "It is not a pond, because it can be carried."Then the cook, lowest of the kStuds, arose. He kicked over the vasewith his foot, so the water ran out on to the floor. He had shownhow to achieve emptiness.Manky gave him the job, n no1 was hungry in dat kewl skul eber agen.But Manky neber got da money 4 da broken bhase.n Manky was nlytened.

HERE is a story the K masters sometimes told: There was an oldwoman who was born in the same town as Baba Bitkel, but ever since shehad been a little girl she had been afraid to face him, althougheveryone assured her he was a very kd00d. Every time shethought she might meet him, she ran away. One day she was on theroad which led to town, and she saw approaching a venerable man ina saffron robe. It was Baba Bitkel. She was terrified. She couldn'trun, but she refused to look. She covered her eyes with her twohands - but wonder of wonders! the tighter she covered her eyes,the clearer she saw Baba Bitkel between each of her clenchedfingers. Tell me, who was the old lady?Baba Bitkel replied: "Hw am i suposed 2 kno?"Da Kman asked: "y r u getting so defensib?"n Baba Bitkel knew he was finished...

WHILE Shanky was preaching quietly to his followers, his talk wasinterrupted by an unql d00d who believed in miracles, andthought salvation came from repeating unql words.Shanky was unable to go on with his talk, and asked the d00dwhat he wanted to say."The founder of my religion," boasted the d00d, "stood on oneshore of a river with a writing brush in his hand. His disciplestood on the other shore holding a sheet of paper. And the founderwrote the holy name of Porashona onto the paper across the riverthrough the air. Can you do anything so miraculous?""No," said Shanky, "I can do only little miracles. Like: when I amhungry, I eat; when I am thirsty, I drink; when I am insulted, Iforgive."n da unql d00d was nlytened.