when i woke up and felt the emptiness around me, the quietness and the darkness, i was suddenly hit by the fact that he’s in army. and the weekend was, fast. too fast for me to even feel it. its like, it felt sooo much like a dream, a dream that never did happened. and a dream that was already over.

the initial part when we parted was definitely disheartening. i just felt really heavy as i walked beside his dad and aunty marie, dragging my feet. and i just wished that time will become tardy, or even better, just paused at all the beautiful times i had spent with him during that weekend.

i really hated sundays, or rather today, or maybe all the future sundays. the moment when we had to part is really not fun. as much as i wanted to hold him back and hug him, i just couldnt. im sure he very much wanted to do that too.. since he messaged me almost immediately after i’ve left him.

“i really wished i could hug you”

my lips will curve slightly upon seeing it, but at the same time, the word wished reminded me that i didnt get to hug him. ok. i know before he changed into his army uniform, we did held each other tightly, but when we had to say goodbye, it was really horrible not having to give/receive one last comfort. was so close yet so far.

and its definitely not worth for him to get caught and detained for two weeks if he gets caught by the military police for PDA.. uh-uh.

if only i can have friday to be replayed.. when i get to hug him after so long. we were like practically suffocating each other. but it was definitely soothing. familiar.

i know i can go through this, since i managed to survive that last two weeks. its the initial part that really suck. i really wished we could have more than 24hours a day………..

it just makes me feel even more sad. yes, its 10more days because he’ll be having his field camp next week. 6days without any contact.. no phonecalls, nothing. ive never missed him so much even when he was away in europe. this time, it seemed different. ive never missed anybody this much… from what ive remembered. (excluding that breakup, which was not like miss.. but i dont know. just different because the missing feeling for my love is bittersweet but comfortable)

i cant even be sure if he’s alright. i just feel like crying……….. i feel like some useless girl with no backbone. owell. its the initial part. two/three days later i should be fine. (: especially when ive got a nice bestie with me.. and of course my other friends.