hold on to the little things || guest post by Sami Nuxoll

I feel so blessed to have the extremely gifted miss Nuxoll guest-posting today.

Let's just leave it at this: Sami is a hyper-gifted soul. Like, reading over this post, which includes a poem (as you will see), I was blown away. This message is something my heart needed-- and needs every day, and maybe its something your heart needs too.

Sami blogs over at She Laughs, and I highly recommend you check it out, follow her, and do some reading. In fact, I insist. Go.

Thank you so much for being here today, girl!

____________________________________

HEY GUYS.

So the ever-wonderful and gracious Kate asked me to do a guest
post. Kate - you have the coolest and most inspiring blog EVER. This is super
exciting! I’ve never done a guest post before...as a result I am equally thrilled
and terrified.

So just a preface - mostly what I do while I blog is poetry/slam poetry/thoughts – on a good
day my blahs are insightful and inspiring and inventive. On a bad day it’s
basically just me ranting. (so fun.) BUT - a while back I decided to tone down
on the thinking-writing and focus more on the other parts of my life because
the thinking-writing was turning into a really cute bunny-peach that wanted me
to pet it all the time. (aka: my blogging was taking over and I wasn’t getting
anything else done.)

Toning down does not mean permanent hiatus.

Toning down means doing something easier that does not require as
much attention.

But there was a pattern, and it did actually start with an event,
as all good blog series do. (Or maybe that's just me...) I started doing these “sticky
notes” to myself because I am really good at forgetting the little things. The
things that we take for granted, or the lessons that we think we don't need to
re-learn. Kate asked me why I started the series, and this is my answer. In
poetry format, of course, because that's just how I write.

_________________________________________

I
am not always a nice person

on
bad days I storm through the house like a furious blonde Godzilla,

my
bedroom a lair until dinner is ready and

I
emerge hungry and my words are my teeth and claws,

waiting
for a target.

I
don’t acknowledge the people around me because

I
don’t want to hurt them.

I
hurt them anyway.

I
don’t acknowledge my sister.

I
grunt in my dad’s direction.

I
give mom a halfhearted hug.

which
makes them feel unloved.

like
they’re an obligation that I cannot wait to get rid of

that
I don’t like them

that
I don’t care for them

that
I am unhappy

What
an awful feeling to put on someone else.

I
was doing it wrong, the ignoring part, anyway.

it
took me three days to figure out why my sister was mad at me.

It
took me

three

days

to
figure out that I was really being a jerk.

how
could they know that I was just feeling down,

or
a complete stranger done something that made me sad

how
could they know that it wasn’t them?

when
I realized this

I
put a note on my wall.

the first words out of your mouth should be lovely
ones.

a
sticky note pasted to the rust-red wall next to my bed

these
ideas started flooding in:

all
the little things that I don’t notice

you
will never regret being nice.

the
things I should be doing

look
for the next adventure

the
things I can say to people that I don’t

you
are not an afterthought.

or
that I would love to have said to me

just
be.

or
even just realizing that life is a lot simpler

than
we make it out to be

do
it scared.

and
yes it is going to be okay

be
a nice human

there
will be bad days

fear
is just a love vacuum

but
there will be good days too

find
your happy medium

and
we have to focus on those

its
gonna be okay

some
of those little lessons are the most precious ones.

We
tend to brush them off, thinking they don't matter

my
two and a half year old niece told me that I looked so beautiful in my
dress.

that
I looked like an angel.

and
I was well on my way to a not-awesome day

but
her tiny mouth blew out sweet words like bubbles

because
she had decided she was going to be nice that day

and
she was going to share her orange with her mom

and
tell me I looked beautiful:

those words meant so much.

Some
days I feel like I don't have the capability to be a nice person.

The
world is ugly and dark

And
it turns me dark and ugly along with it.

Some
days just aren't meant for learning.

But
no -

No
backsliding

No
returns.

I
will not relent

I
will learn

I
would rather be too nice than a jerk.

I
would rather say nice things and have people wonder what I want

than
think I hate them

I
would rather be a good person than not

I
would rather have people be open around me, and say what they want: their
beliefs

5 people commented on this post.

OHMYGOSH this is so beautiful. Like make me want to go write more sticky notes and read this again and again beautiful. How do you find these people Kate?!? ;-)love love love this: thanks for sharing and inspiring us!

This is so, so beautiful. I'm dying. I actually read this earlier and didn't comment because I didn't even know what to say. So now I'm back, and I'm still speechless. There is so much truth in this post. I'm going to start leaving myself sticky notes.

WHOA WHOA WHOA THISSSSSSSS. <3 *heart combusts with joy and astonishment* LITERALLY GIRL YOU ARE ON FIRE. This post just spoke sososo much to me. Because I find myself struggling A LOT with these same exact feelings and convictions and okay I NEED TO READ THIS POST LIKE EVERY DAY FOR A VERY LONG TIME. Because your words are ointment -- they are so true. I also felt like I was going behind the scenes in your "note to self" series which I loooove. SO COOL.

comments are like dark chocolate and they make this kid way happy. I love hearing from you guys! (check back because I reply...and I love checking out your blogs, so don't leave me without a link to yours!) ♥