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I Used To Steal My Co-Workers' Lunches: Confessions of a Reformed Office Refrigerator Bandit

by Alessandra Bulow

on 07/02/14 at 10:48 AM

Have you ever been a victim of an office food thief? I have, and I know I'm not alone. I always wondered what kind of person would steal someone else's lunch. I never thought it would be one of my best friends.

Let's call her the Office Refrigerator Bandit. She's gorgeous, successful, and always dressed to kill--the last person you'd expect to take your food. She's long left her Bandit days behind her. The greatest irony? Today, she works in Human Resources--and handles all her co-workers' stolen food complaints. Karma's a bitch.

Alessandra: Okay. So, in every office I've always worked in there's always a note of some sort that appears on the refrigerator that says something to the effect of "Stop stealing my lunch. You know who you are. Don't take what's not yours!"

Bandit: I oversee the facilities and refrigerators at my office. We constantly have people who get their stuff stolen. Especially if someone brings in soda, or things that they need on a daily basis like salad dressing or butter--people who bring in their own things and make something every morning or afternoon for lunch. Sometimes people who forget their stuff just help themselves to everyone else's food. It's very odd.

Alessandra: It is odd. Didn't you once tell me that back in the day. . .

Bandit: Wait, I was a kid. The Cokes?

Alessandra: Yeah. So what did you used to take from the refrigerator?

Bandit: First of all, I was a kid. I didn't know you were going to set me up like this. (laughs) If I wanted a soda and there was one in there, I would take take it. What else? Um, what else? Mostly soda.

Alessandra: Did you ever eat anyone's lunch?

Bandit: I think I did. (laughs) God what was it? Probably pizza or something like that.

Alessandra: What was it that got you and made you say, "Oh, I'll have some of this"?

Bandit: I think back in the day it was harder for me to resist cravings. I was at that age where I just thought, I want that, it's there, and it should be mine (laughs). I was really young though, but I should have known better. I worked in sale processing in a hospital.

Alessandra: Did you hear people complaining after?

Bandit: I took the sodas for a l-o-n-g time and then one day someone was complaining about it and I just shut my mouth. As I was walking out she was like, "And I know you are the one who took it." (laughs) And then I never did it again. (laughing)

Alessandra: Do you think that there are certain things that people will take more than others?

Bandit: Yeah, I think things that are prepackaged, closed. Things that they know people haven't eaten yet I would say for the most part, unlike me that one time with the pizza.

Alessandra: Was it pizza in a cardboard box or wrapped up in tinfoil?

Bandit: Wrapped up. Oh yeah. Or like chips or something. It was always junk food. I can't believe you remember that story. (laughs)

Alessandra: Would you ever eat someone's lunch if it was in a plastic container back in the day?

Bandit: Probably not. . . Maybe.

Alessandra: So now you have a 2-year old daughter . . .

Bandit: I know, scary. (laughs) Back then I didn't bring my lunch regularly. But now I bring in my food and I deal with people who get their food stolen, so I would never do it now. Mostly out of fear of anyone knowing that it was me. That's the only reason I don't do it. (laughs) Because everyone talks so much shit about everyone who does it. That's the fear of all the grubby people--they're scared to get caught.

Alessandra: But there are still people who do it though. . .

Bandit: Yeah.

Alessandra: Is there usually a passive aggressive note on the refrigerator when it happens in your office?

Bandit: No. There's usually a very forward and blunt email sent to everyone. Very angry. (laughs)

Alessandra: Would any desserts tempt you?

Bandit: Definitely. (pause) Definitely. A nice little piece of cake. No note on it. I figured it was mine. Nobody wanted it. If they wanted it, they would have eaten it right away, right? (laughs) I don't know any people who don't eat their desserts right away, so if they don't take it, then I assume that they don't want it. (laughs)

Alessandra: What about in the freezer?

Bandit: No.

Alessandra: What about Lean Cuisines?

Bandit: That's what I used to take! Lean Cuisines! I forgot! That's what I used to take! There would be like five in there, and I'd be like "they don't need all five, I'll just take one." (laughs)

Alessandra: Was there any kind that tempted you the most?

Bandit: Anything with pasta in it. (laughs)

Alessandra: Were you every scared of getting caught?

Bandit: I would usually take the food at night when the office was pretty empty.

Alessandra: But there were still some people around. Did you go hide somewhere to eat?

Bandit: I had no shame. I ate it right there. (laughs)

Alessandra: Thanks for being so honest. Don't worry I won't use your name.

Bandit: Oh God.Please don't.

Have you ever been the victim of an office food thief? Tell us in the comments, below.

My office has a “café” no food for sale except for vending machines but a fridge, microwave, toaster etc to put your food together. The rule at our place is condiments are free to all. I bring in mustard or salad dressing and if someone wants something I don’t care. Vise versa if I’m sick of Goddess dressing and decide to go for wicked hidden valley ranch no big deal. As for the other stuff I can’t say. There is also a rule at our office what ever is left on the counter is there for anyone that wants it. I bring in bags of broccoli to steam or raw carrots. I also have a jar of pickled Brussels sprouts in there. No one has ever touched them. I’ve heard sometimes the people who bring in string cheese get pilfered.

mizk1 12:46:31 PM on 07/03/14

When I was in school - we were boarders, and there were a lot of students who were day scholars. They used to bring their (home made) lunches and being sick of boarding school fare - we would steal it, and inhale it. We did usually leave a fiver in the lunch box so they could buy themselves some lunch!

abare 05:17:48 PM on 07/02/14

We did have a lunch bandit once at a place where I worked, he also stole everything else but that is another story. We also had a guy that would stop at McDonalds on his way into work (graveyard shift) he would buy a couple of those gross little hamburgers. Sometimes he ate them both sometimes not, the other one would lay on his desk until he got around to throwing it away. Well one night it had been there for a few days and our bandit grabbed it and apparently ate it. Needless to say he spent the rest of the night and probably a lot of the next day in the bathroom. Didn't steal lunches again though.