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Wednesday, August 5, 2009

I was a little worried when I hosted my town hall meeting on health care yesterday. I had heard a lot about the lunatic fringe who had been disrupting town halls and it made me very grateful I had hired several members of the Hell's Angels motorcycle gang to provide security for the meeting.

The main point of my town hall was to explain to people that health care was too important a decision to be left to ACORN and illegal immigrants like it undoubtedly would be in the Obama plan. Furthermore, I wanted to let my constituents know that I was 100% against killing senior citizens so that we might harvest their organs regardless of what the Obama administration might or might not want. I let my people know that neither myself nor any Republican member of Congress I knew supported:

1. Euthanizing senior citizens in order to harvest their organs2. Using tax payer money for cosmetic surgery for illegal aliens3. Using health reform as a backdoor way to a socialist government or slavery reparations4. Eliminating medicare in favor of hospice care for all Americans over 55

I think that really helped put the many seniors in the audience at ease. Of course, the crazies did come out in full force. When they'd get on mic they'd say things like "I can't afford health care" or "I have a pre-existing condition" or "Why do we spend so much for a health care system that doesn't work?" Fortunately, the Hell's Angels were right on it--shutting them down before they could monopolize the discussion away from more important topics like how President Obama wanted to use this program to stop senior citizens from driving. My favorite was one crazy woman demanding to know what plans I had for covering her family. I told her my plan was for her to get a job. She didn't even laugh at that.

I was most impressed with the patriotic fervor of the crowd. We said the Pledge of Allegiance 8 times and sang the Star Spangled Banner twice. Best of all, I wasn't hung in effigy. I'm very lucky to be representing such a God fearing district and I look forward to serving them for years to come.