Monday, September 22, 2008

Frodology - not the KKK

We have received a large amount of flak recently for a comment made towards the end of a piece on the Republican Vice Presidential candidate, Sarah Palin. Specifically it relates to a statement about Barack Obama, the Democratic Presidential candidate. We assured readers that just because he was black it did not mean he is not a person too. We apologize if we unduly offended anyone. If we did, it was purely the result of a misunderstanding, and we retract the comment. Our official position is thus now that blacks are not people. We would like to thank Reggie Wayne Hicks of Pulaski, Tennessee, for bringing this to our attention.

Having said that, I would like to stress that Frodology is not the KKK. We’re just a loose religious affiliation based on the worship of our Supreme Lord and Master, to the exclusion of all others, that leans toward the social ostracization and persecution of non-believers. Sure, the Faithful Front of Frodo, or FFF, is an official offshoot for our more radical activists, like a Sunday school, but it’s not the KKK. It is totally unaffiliated, despite being cumulatively a mere fifteen letters away. We feel the public will accept this, once it gets over the 1/676 chance of the other two letters in the organization’s acronym happening to be Fs, and the uncanny similarity to the KKK’s own abbreviation that ensues from the coincidence.

A nosy investigative journalist recently noted that some of our more fundamental members do prance around in white sheets, but this is purely a superficial resemblance to the Klan with no deeper connection. It’s like saying that Hitler and Stalin were ideologically compatible purely because they killed millions of people. Superficial. Regardless, scores of Muslims preen around in similar attire and they would never be accused of being Klan members.

We also burn crosses, but that’s because we really, really don’t like Christianity. There’s nothing sinister about it.

Cynics snicker that Frodology’s ranks are peopled by hicks, but this is unfair. We prefer to call them persons of rural heritage. And in any case, as with anything new, and especially with things that appear new but which are actually old, very very old, the least educated tend to be the ones to dip their feet in the water first. Just like with Harry Potter: around for more than a decade and smart folk still ain't buying it.

Frodologists hold biannual rallies too, but it’s just because we only feel validated once we’re sure other people know our opinions, no matter how disinterested they may be. Some call it vanity. That’s fair.

Other detractors argue that some Frodologists moonlight with the Klan. Our official position is that what they do with their free time is their own business, and we’re not about to judge them for it. I mean, Sarah Palin is an evangelical nut in her downtime, and oddly, no one is holding it against her.

Finally, that the FFF has been implicated in the disappearance of an undercover FBI agent investigating the lynching and flaying of immigrants across the country is at most a half-truth. No one was flayed. That’s just sick.

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