I hope you can help me Mr. MGG… well, not actually me but my friend who was my boyfriend for 12 years. (I’m a girl.)

We’re still friends though, close – at times too close (yes, we fuck) but non-comittal. I broke up with him because (for some reason) I couldn’t see myself living with him 24/7 for life.

He is a decent guy though. Loyal.

But when I broke up with him a year ago, it was only then that he revealed that he was raped at gunpoint early 2008 at KSA, Riyadh.

When he went home late 2008 I was in the US. When I came back early 2009, we met up at times and occassionaly had intercourse (for old time’s sake – – and I was horny ok.) But I was firm that I really did not see us getting married or living together as a couple.

It ws also at this time that he revealed that he was raped when he was in 2nd year high school by their male househelp who caught him watching porn. He said that the househelp threatened to tell his parents that he was watching porn & so he was blackmailed and was raped.

It only happened once after that since he always had with him a knife or was it a large wooden stick to whack the househelp if ever the househelp came near.

He said he only told me this now because he didn’t want me to think lowly of him because he felt dirty, that he always felt dirty.

The only thing I remembered him reveal early on in our relationship was that he was molested by his male gay cousin when he was in high school.

He also said – in a fit of emotional outburst – that he wanted to get married so that he could forget all these which happened to him.

He declares that he is not gay.

Currently, he is working somewhere in Manila. he said that he has an officemate whom he thinks is gay because one time, that man told him point blank while they were left alone in a room — “masarap ba umupo sa lap mo?”

My friend said he excused himself & that he left the room immediately.

I asked him why it seems he is attracting these guys? In fairness, he is attracting some girls too.

Mr. MGG, i really do not know what to ask.
I know that having same sex relations does not make one gay. (or does it?)
But how does one know if one is indeed gay? or in denial?
Could it be possible if one is gay but doesnt know it?
What do you think of the above situation? What do you think of what my friend went through?
I love him dearly, but not as a boyfriend but as a dear dear friend. I do not know how I can help him. I hope you could offer some suggestionS?

Thanks very much MGG.

Sincerely,Imelda

* * *

Dear Imelda,

With your questions, I’m quite sure you are curious to know whether or not your ex is gay. I am curious too, and perhaps tons of my readers are curious. But my heart tells me our curiosity is not what is called for right now.

Your ex, now your good friend, does not need another curious person to pry, analyze, dissect his sexuality. Clearly your friend has sustained scars that have yet to heal, and I can only wish he overcomes those traumatic life events with the least amount of damage. Given that, I’d say he needs your acceptance, understanding, and love.

We do not need to figure out everything about someone to accept him, respect him, or love him.

I wish you both the best. And if you have the chance, the next time you give him a friendly hug, can you make it just a bit tighter, just a bit longer, and can you please do it for me? “Mr. MGG” wants to give him a comforting hug without him even knowing.