Every Thursday, we make our predictions against the latest Las Vegas point spread, the way God intended …

Lions at Packers (-7):

The Packers have beaten Detroit 22 times in a row in Wisconsin. That means the Lions have been even more miserable in the Badger State than the millions of Cheeseheads who have to live there.

Pick: Packers by 5

Saints at Bears (even):

Chicago Super Bowl hero Jim McMahon reportedly urinated in a cooler during a 2001 roast for former coach Mike Ditka. The timing of that story is perfect because, for Bears fans, this game is going to be a real pisser, too.

Pick: Saints by 5

Patriots at Bengals (-1Â½):
New England’s star defensive tackle, Vince Wilfork, will miss the rest of the season because of a torn Achilles’ tendon. This leaves the biggest hole in the Patriots’ lineup since the one created by their tight end’s gun.

Seattle’s Richard Sherman saved the day Sunday in Houston with a late pick six that kept the Seahawks’ record unblemished. It’s believed to be the first time in team history that The 12th Man turned out to be the Texans’ quarterback.

Pick: Colts by 5

Broncos at Cowboys (+7Â½):

Dallas, remarkably, is a division leader despite its 2-2 record. That’s because the combined record of teams is 4-12 in the NFC East, the most motley collection of contenders since the 2012 Republican primaries.

Pick: Broncos by 25

Chargers at Raiders (+4Â½):

Sunday’s game at Oakland’s Coliseum has been moved to 11:30 p.m. Eastern time because of Saturday night’s A’s-Tigers playoff game. This will allow stadium workers the extra time they need to drain all the ball park sewage out of the locker rooms and luxury suites.

Pick: Chargers by 5

Ravens at Dolphins (-3):

Ravens linebacker and conspiracy theorist Terrell Suggs says NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell “had a hand” in the Super Bowl XLVII blackout. That shows a level of paranoia and idiocy normally seen only in Minnesota governors.

Pick: Dolphins by 5

Eagles at Giants (-2):

New York safety Antrel Rolle raised many eyebrows when he predicted the Giants would run the table by winning their final 12 games. It’s the surest sign yet that Rolle slept through the Giants’ first four losses like the rest of the defense.

Pick: Giants by 5

Chiefs at Titans (+2Â½):

Tennessee quarterback Jake Locker could miss as many as eight weeks because of an injured hip. This makes history, as it’s the first time we have ever used the words “Tennessee” and “hip” in the same sentence.

Pick: Chiefs by 5

Panthers at Cardinals (+2):

Arizona safety Rashad Johnson lost the tip of his middle finger in a freak Week 3 mishap, and team doctors are concerned he could end up losing more of it. So he’s now accompanied by an assistant who steps into action in case Johnson has a sudden need to flip somebody the bird.

Pick: Panthers by 5

Jaguars at Rams (-11Â½):

A small plane flew a “Tebow, why not?” banner over Jacksonville’s stadium Sunday during the Jaguars’ latest blowout loss. The message didn’t draw much of a reaction, though, as most of the Jags fans were too busy chugging their free beer.

Pick: Rams by 25

Jets at Falcons (-10):

The Falcons are encouraged by the way they nearly rallied for victory against the Patriots in Sunday night’s game. They came back from a 30-13 fourth-quarter deficit when most of the Pats’ starters left to watch the “Breaking Bad” finale.

Pick: Falcons by 25

Bills at Browns (-3Â½):

Former Browns QB Bernie Kosar told police last week that he couldn’t pass his latest field sobriety test “because my line couldn’t block.” And that’s funnier than any one-liner we could come up with.

Pick: Browns by 5

BYES

Vikings, Steelers, Buccaneers, Redskins

RECORD

Week 4: Straight up 9-6, vs. spread 7-7-1

Total: Straight up 39-24, vs. spread 27-33-3

Kevin Cusick talks fantasy football with Bob Sansevere and “The Superstar” Mike Morris on Thursdays on Sports Radio 105 The Ticket. Follow him at twitter.com/theloopnow.

Mr. Cusick, as he is called by his friends, has been a Pioneer Press staffer since latter days of Reagan administration (March 1987). Born on the mean streets of Brooklyn, raised on the mean streets of the Iron Range, educated on the mean streets of Northwestern's campus and now living on the mean streets of Woodbury. Responsible for nearly all Loop commentary and NFL picks in the Pioneer Press since 2003. One-time sports radio fantasy football guru. Occasional sidekick on Bob Sansevere's award-winning podcast. Alumnus of Little Flower School (East Flatbush, NY), Roosevelt High School (Virginia, MN), Huntington (WV) Herald-Dispatch and Greenville (SC) News. Proud member of the Bald Brotherhood.

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