How much is $60 dollars worth to you? Well, to me it is worth trying to groom my cockapoo…again. I have tried in the past and failed. With results that were: a. Meh b. Hysterical c. Unfair to my dog’s self esteemd. All of the above

From these attempts, I have learned much. But one thing is the same. It’s hard for me to: a. Shell out $60 bucks for aestheticsb. Leave my pooch with a strangerc. Accept failure d. All of the above

Since my last attempt, I have earned the modern equivalent to a doctorate in grooming cockapoos. I have:a.Watched a couple YouTube videosb.Read an eHow articlec.Looked at some Pinterest pics and read their captionsd.All of the above

I now have a virtual PhD in Beautifying Dogs. Dr. Gregor is in the house.

It was time to put all my learning into practice. My thesis, my dissertation, my shaggy dog Rigsby. Trusting eyes, eager bounce to his step, intelligent head tilts, never ending tail wags: Tim Riggins Good Dog Gregor. Yes, named after the Friday Night Lights Tim Riggins. Rigsby for short, because it sounds like Ribsy, one of my favorite books from childhood. When I take Rigsby to the professional groomers, he begins to cower when he sees the automatic doors. I pick him up, but his tail stops wagging. That one detail alone is worth me trying to groom him myself. He would like to avoid going to the professionals. I would like to avoid the looks the groomers give me when I tell them that I will be sitting in my car while he is groomed, so I can get him immediately when he is done.

It’s a look that seems full of:a.Pityb.Judgementc.Condescensiond.All of the above

I could be wrong. Maybe they are just thinking about when the iZombie season starts again. Or wondering when their mother-in-law will visit next. Or reminding themselves to check the expiration date on that burrito they brought for lunch.I assume that home grooming is a shared goal, and therefore that Rigsby will cooperate. The lesser of two evils, so to speak. I soon become aware that this is not so. Rigsby has a different goal: to never be groomed at all.

He would rather go wild, let his curls twist and mat and crustify than be groomed in any way. He seems to feel his beauty comes from the inside.

He almost convinces me. Seeing him back away from me when I pull out the scissors, watching him run when I test the buzzers, seeing his wide, penny-colored eyes plead with me to let his coat go feral…it's a close call, but a quick glance at the tail wagging region reminds me pungently of what happens when a dog is not groomed. I give him a stern, no-nonsense look and say firmly, “This is happening.” And so it begins. Snip snip,~gregorific