All I want is a real friend

I'm tired of being strong. Im tired of being alone. Im tired of being the only one i talk to daily, looking at people, wishing that they where my friends because they're so nice to me but it's such a hopeless feeling. I try so hard to get help and it's like..at the end of the day all I can do is help myself and Im tired of it. I hear that the only way to fight and win is to get out of it yourself. We all know well enough, that it doesn't work. It just doesn't. I get jealous of people having someone to go to, I have no one. I literally have no one. All I want to do is die but stupidly, I keep fighting. No one cares, no one cares if I die. Im nothing to the world. I can write whatever I want, where ever I want and no one will care. I've tried to reach out and it's pointless. If I did end my life, I wouldn't see how I would lose anything. I have nothing to lose. I literally have nothing to lose. Just like the song by Billy Talent. Nothing to lose, when no one knows your name. There's nothing to gain and I can't fight the pain. It's exactly that.

I was totally alone when I first came here last October. Came back in January. Took me three months to dare to find a therapist so am just a little way above the bottom. Even that small part of the journey out has made a great difference. Everyone needs help and support in real life. Some of us, for differing reasons, cannot or do not get help and support from friends and family. Then specialist help - doctors, meds, therapy, self help /12 step groups, crisis lines, this site and other sites are often extremely helpful.

I know how you're feeling, I have no support in my life either. If you need someone to talk to, you can message me at anytime. I know it's not the same as having someone right there with you, but I will be there to listen and try to help.

I totally understand how you are feeling right now I am in the same boat as you and can truly empathise with how you are feeling. If you ever need someone to talk to im available via pm or ask me for my email address.

I'm tired of being strong. Im tired of being alone. Im tired of being the only one i talk to daily, looking at people, wishing that they where my friends because they're so nice to me but it's such a hopeless feeling. I try so hard to get help and it's like..at the end of the day all I can do is help myself and Im tired of it. I hear that the only way to fight and win is to get out of it yourself. We all know well enough, that it doesn't work. It just doesn't. I get jealous of people having someone to go to, I have no one. I literally have no one. All I want to do is die but stupidly, I keep fighting. No one cares, no one cares if I die. Im nothing to the world. I can write whatever I want, where ever I want and no one will care. I've tried to reach out and it's pointless. If I did end my life, I wouldn't see how I would lose anything. I have nothing to lose. I literally have nothing to lose. Just like the song by Billy Talent. Nothing to lose, when no one knows your name. There's nothing to gain and I can't fight the pain. It's exactly that.

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Reading your words it's like you read my thoughts because I'm feeling everything you described just today I started crying after watching a movie that had a scene with a couple that was sharing a happy moment on the beach. All I could think about was how much I would give just to able to experience a moment like that just once.

Kaspazzy - The other day I wrote somewhere on this site that I am tired of being my own therapist, so I understand your words very well. I hope the other posts above will help you to realize that you are not alone. There are people here who will not only listen but also understand, since they have similar feelings about their own lives. Please keep posting.