Anya woke up the first morning of being camped out near Cortic. She hadn’t slept too well, she was definitely not used to those makeshift beds, or to the amount of commotion around her, even though everybody had done their best to be quiet. She yawned and stretched, then slowly rose to her feet. “Good morning, Sami”, she said, seeing the girl was already awake.

“Morning.” Sami smiled, happy to see her Anya awake at last, “I made you breakfast. Bacon, eggs, toast, sliced tomatoes, and there’s hot coffee. Anything else you want, just ask. I’ll get it for you.”

“How can you be so cheerful this early in the morning?” Anya wondered. “But thank you. You’re a good friend, you know that?” She stood and moved the few steps over to the table before parking her butt again.

Good friend? Sami wondered, though she didn’t want to push since things between herself and Anya weren’t officially official just yet, “Anyway, I was thinking, maybe we could go somewhere after the mission?” Sami started, “I know a nice place on Bajor, little cabin by a river, very quiet, very romantic…”

Anya shot her a confused look, then realised something. “Uhm, Sami… you know, I’m sort of in a relationship. I didn’t know you were after me, like that.” This was awkward. Why hadn’t she seen it before?

“Oh… wow.” Sami replied, crushed and unable to speak. She thought she’d been doing everything right, but things were as they always were, she was still that fat, ugly melon headed girl that nobody wanted and nobody ever would… “I, uh, I should go. I’ve got a lot of stuff to do today, especially with us down two people. Um, yeah, sorry, bye.”

Before Sami could follow up on her words with actions, Anya took her hand and held it. At least that way she couldn’t storm off. “I’m sorry, Sami. I like you, a lot. I don’t quite see what you’d want with someone my age, but still, I’m really flattered.”

“I guess it doesn’t matter what I wanted with you, huh?” Sami shrugged, “But what I want right now is for you to let me go, so I can get out of here. Please…” She wanted to burst into tears, having spent hours the day before trying to figure out the exact right words to tell Anya she loved her, but she wouldn’t give anyone the satisfaction of seeing her cry and nobody would ever again get the chance to hurt her like this. Should’ve known it would end up like this, she chided herself, it’s always the same. Nobody wants you, melonhead!

Anya didn’t even know whether things would work out between her and Dani. But even if they did not, she had certainly not expected this turn of events. She had planned to tell Sami all about her new girlfriend later that day, as friends did, but had apparently misjudged the situation seriously. “I’m sorry, Sami”, she said again, letting go of her hand.

“I’ve not been reading things right myself, obviously”, Anya said. “I mean, I had no idea. I thought we were friends. I… we went to the winter festival, you didn’t seem interested in me that way. At least, not that I saw it.”

“Doesn’t matter now, does it?” Sami shrugged, her back to Anya so her tears couldn’t be seen and, she hoped, they couldn’t be heard, “Anyway, best of luck in your new relationship. I should be going now. There’s a box on my bunk, it’s for you. I don’t know, give it to her maybe. I don’t care.”

“I need you to know that I’m not just rejecting you”, Anya said. “I would never do that. And I do want you as a friend.” She realised that probably didn’t sound too good to Sami’s ears, but it was the truth.

Sami wanted to tear into her at that moment, but couldn’t find the words nor the venom to verbally gut the woman she still loved, the woman she, as always, wasn’t good enough for. She took a deep breath, then said nothing, walking out onto the planet because she did have work to do and at least her job would never reject her.