Saturday, August 25, 2007

Waiting for Godot

Fascinating article from LiYana, and so true for me too...I spent five hours closing the cafe today and ignored my friends desire to get together before I leave. Now I am tired, ready to home and it sucks that I still need to pack. It is raining sooooo bad, I am happy I am out of this mud craze for a while.

"I believed that to deserve pleasure and to earn any reward, I needed to work hard and to go through pain and suffering. I was sure there was a direct correlation between how hard I worked and how much suffering I could endure and the amount of pleasure and reward that was to be mine as a result. And being a perfectionist and overachiever, I decided I'd arrange my life to work even harder than those around me; I built my muscles to endure even more pain and suffering than those around me; and I waited patiently for the pleasure and reward to descend upon me. I waited through a 10-year career as a professional dancer, I waited through two long-term relationships, and I waited through countless to-do lists that I diligently completed.

Then I realized I was waiting for Godot. Enjoyment was not coming, no matter how long-sufferingly I waited for it. It began to dawn on me that I had needlessly put the obstacles of pain, suffering and hard work in the way of my enjoyment.