6 Things Not to Say to a Mom on Her First Night Home With Baby

A new mom’s first night home with her baby is one of the most magical experiences of her life — the cuddling, the delicious newborn smell, the incredible high you feel after just having given birth. But it can also be one of the most terrifying: You’re insanely sleep-deprived and your hormones are all over the place, plus you’re on your own with a new baby for the first time ever!

Despite the fact that many well wishers are only trying to be kind and supportive to a mom who’s just come home from the hospital with her baby, it can sometimes be difficult to see it that way when you’re running on an hour of sleep and are just trying to figure out the whole, you know, baby thing. Here are six things a mama would rather not hear on her first night home with baby.

“My first night home with my baby…” Every parent has a crazy story of what went down the first time he or she was alone with a newborn. It’s only natural to try to relate to someone by sharing your own similar experience, but most new moms are focused on themselves and their brand new baby. But now’s not the time for that. A personal story or anecdote is best saved for when baby’s a little bigger...and mama’s feeling a bit more secure.

“It’s fiiiine.” While an anxious new mom of course wants to know everything is OK, she also doesn’t want to be dismissed. If your hormones aren’t all over the place and you’ve slept a good solid eight hours the night before, it’s true that a new mom may sound a little...dramatic. But for her, what she’s going through is very real and intense at the moment. It’s important to acknowledge that.

“Welcome to parenthood!” All — and I do mean all — pregnant women have been met with a variation of the phrase: “You think you’re tired now. Wait ‘til you have a kid!” We get it. Kids = very little sleep. But still. Very little sleep takes its toll, and no woman who’s on the verge of tears from exhaustion wants to be laughed at by a veteran parent who’s “been there, done that” with something that, in so many words, says, “Toldja so!” Not cool.

“My kid still isn’t sleeping.” Again, not the time to talk about yourself. Even if you’re teetering towards narcolepsy because your toddler feels the need to climb into your bed 47 times each night and inadvertently kick you in the ribs, nothing compares to the overall insanity of the first night home with baby. Despite the fact that the final weeks of pregnancy are far from restful, nothing can prepare a person for waking up throughout the night to care for a helpless newborn. It’s the pinnacle of parenthood insanity.

“In a few months, this will all be a distant memory.” This comment, while well-meaning, can again come off as a bit dismissive of what a new mom is going through. It’s sort of like saying, “Oh, no need to complain. It’ll all be over soon!” Let’s get real: We all remember that when you’re going through it, it’s puh-retty crazy.

“One day you’ll look back and miss this.” True, there’s nothing quite as magical (even if it is terrifying) about the first night home from the hospital with baby. But when a mom is trying to figure out why her baby is screaming or not sleeping or not pooping, that isn’t exactly a thought she’ll be able to relate to.

Bottom line: Even though these comments come from a good place, what new moms really need is a lot of listening along with lots of empathy, comfort and support.

This story is meant to reflect individual contributors' experiences and does not necessarily reflect What to Expect's point of view. This content is not intended to be used as medical advice, for diagnosis, or treatment.