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The 51st Annual Grammy Awards through NyQuil

I have never given the Grammy's much credence. It's like the FDA letting the drug companies test their own products for safety. It's basically the music industry showing the world it can fellate itself. But I love watching the performances and listening to the amazing patter writing. I have been fighting 2, maybe, 3 different colds for the past week so I took in the show while sipping NyQuil-D. I admit I was fading in and out, so the following observations may be influenced by the self governing pharmaceutical industry. Disclaimer: No one, at any age, should consume NyQuil and watch or listen to Coldplay. Again, I am not a doctor.

U2 rocked. I have been a fan since "Boy" and have followed them through their various experiments with disco and eye makeup. Despite some of their missteps through the years, they are still one of the best live bands in the history of music.

Whitney Huston looked great, and was higher than Michael Phelps on a day off. I felt bad for legendary music industry Captain, Clive Davis, for being dragged into her heavily medicated slur/presentation. I felt so bad I cut my NyQuil with club soda.

Jennifer Hudson has survived a great deal of tragedy in the past few months. It was good to see her moving on with her life. But her outfit looked like she left her napkin tucked into her collar while accepting her Grammy.

Kanye West put in a great performance with Leona Lewis. It proved that he is making great strides to set himself apart from his peers and push the limits of his genre. Then he opened that douche bag of a mouth and whined about not winning enough awards. Apparently selling a few million albums is not enough to fill the void. By the way Kanye, Rockwell wants his haircut back.

As a last minute replacement for the Rhianna beating Chris Brown, I thought The Reverend Al Green and Justin Timberlake did a pretty good job.

Coldplay Sucks.

At this point the Coldplay performance beat me into unconsciousness. I awoke to what sounded like "My Love Is Alive" by Gary Wright with Annie Wilkes from "Misery" singing. After my one open eye focused I realized it was Carrie Underwood singing a "Country" song. I figured it was a "Country" song because of the banjo player with a beer gut pushed to the back. I thought her guitar player was Scarlett Johansen. By the way Carrie, Barbarra Mandrell wants her Haircut back.

Duffy is not as attractive as she sounds.

Coldplay sucks.

Kid Rock put on a great show as usual. Like U2, he delivers every time. I hate that "All Summer Long" song, but it sold 20 billion copies, so what do I know.

It's nice to see Robert Plant get recognition from the music industry, only because they bashed Led Zeppelin through their existence. Did Chris Brown also beat up Alison Krauss before she went on stage? She looked like Tina Turner after a no show from Ike Turner's coke dealer.

Did Stevie Wonder lose a bet? Maybe he had a wager that Whitney Houston wouldn't show and had to pay up by performing a Jonas Brothers song WITH the Jonas Brothers and having them butcher one of his.

Hey, Blink 182 are back together! They seemed just as excited as the response from the Staples Center.

Coldplay Sucks.

Katy Perry was obviously not lip-syncing. She is a talentless clown that is representative of everything that is wrong with the music industry. Who cares?! She's friggin' HOT! After her performance I bought everything she had on i-tunes. We should give this amazing talent her own television channel. Hopefully there will be a sex tape soon.

After Robert Plant and Alison Krauss accepted their umpteenth award, Mr. plant was thanking everyone and those fucks at the Grammy's tried to give him the music dump. Who gives Robert Plant the music dump? Led Zeppelin still makes those industry pukes plenty of money to this day. How about a little respect for a guy who was probably just having sex with Katy Perry and Miley Cyrus before he hit the stage.

Coldplay Sucks.

The blockbuster performance by Jay-Z, Lil Wayne, T.I., and Kanye Douche was actually pretty good. I am not a big fan of any of these guys but they were "flowing" as the kids say. It was also amazing to see all 4 of those gigantic egos smashing into each other. Hey, I don't know if you noticed, but M.I.A. is PREGNANT! I was hoping for her water to break and Kanye West to slip on it, wiping out Lil Wayne. Then Jay-Z delivering the baby while completing his lines would have been clutch.

Dave Grohl should get the Grammy for happiest bastard in existence. This guy, fresh from jamming with Led Zeppelin and Rush, gets to play drums for Paul McCartney. His enthusiasm was a good foil for McCartney's indifference to the whole thing.

Radiohead gets the "Best Use Of The USC Trojan Marching Band Since Fleetwood Mac" award. I loved their performance. Not only for being totally original in sound and vision, but because I could only imagine what this would sound like to a Jonas Brothers fan.

Neil Diamond.... that's all you can say about that.

Coldplay Sucks

Special thanks to Lil Wayne for not blabbering for 20 minutes. He must have only smoked an ounce.

Robert Plant and Alison Krauss put on a great and creepy performance. The music was eerie, T-Bone Burnette looks like Dr. Carl Hill from "Re-Animator", and Alison Krauss, while having a lovely voice, looks like she's wearing a mask. The music was beautiful though.