The real truth re Saturdays game! In a Nick Hornby style..... Pre match nerves were certainly helped when Chaleye waltzed into the changing with a west sussex swagger and a fag, and in turn gave as all whooping cough...... I felt having not played since Feb through injury I may struggle in the game ahead... but his age, wooden legged walking style and genuine friendliness set me at ease...

now onto the game!....Having read the various posts from the team I have to chuckle! They have always said the game is about opinions...However opinions with spectacles that reflect through a prism equivilent to the 14th febuary were evident from saturdays reviews.....

The preverbial game of 2 halves was a classic term used many years ago...how true it is

First halve.. (5-1)

was a pleasure to be involved. Ball retention was high. Angles, movement and composure were a plenty... A genuine pleasure to play at the back with the Heeeeed bros, and the bear and behind Craig. Centre midfield was bossed by big man little man combo and Tobi on left who literally didnt move the whole game unless he had the ball. Quite possibly the laziest performance I have seen in my career... Up front, we destroyed them and it was the first time I have seem Churchill play and it was clear he has been a player. Movement exceptional....and worked well with Eammon with another big man little man combo.

Highlights defo my header that I didnt head........Eammon doing a rendition of Michael Flately in the corner flag and the ball rolling out...Tobi stil on the centre circle even during half time......was to lazy to walk to the changing room

Second halve... (2-6)

Easy to blame the back four here.. But have to aportion the blame to the following....... ps..In my career I could never tackle or head..some would say never pass, shoot or run either...but!!

So manager decides to put me at centre half...poor!! The bear wins the award for best communicator though. Easy to see that he has managed for so long! Experience shining through at full back. Constantly talking throughout. However I think our midfield were playing the 1980's equivalent at the park where it was " My bat....my ball....Ive had my bat, Im going home".....tactic..

It was all about "me". As long as they were alright jack... it didnt matter...... Tobi at this stage was still on the half way line....hands in the air....face of despair....and didnt care.... as goal after goal went in. And the classic School kid mentality of snide remarks. Its alright though cos I really enjoy my team mates not passing, being greedy, taking someone on everytime...losing the ball then giving it the "ginola".....I was soon learning that that trenches next to Arundel castle were not built with our midfield in mind. Chaleye has been getting undoubted stick! However Chaleye popped up with the injuryttime equaliser with his toeshinknee tekkers.... "It wont say that in the paper the next day" I said to him )

Anyway onto peno's......

On my way back to the big smoke I walked to Arundel train station. I missed my train because whilst walking across the main road the police had cordoned it off!! Gutted is not the word, as I had a mates birthday and had to rush back!

When I asked the copper why I could not get through...He said that forensicswere investigating....I said "what on earth for?"

Copper said...." We have found a bum hole in the middle of the road. Its twitching like mad and was thrown out by a driver a few hours ago. DNA says its from Eastbourne"..........Need I say more.... oh was I talking about peno's???

Whilst I expect stick and I am more than capable of handling this, I do feel somewhat left out to dry with the real truth of why we drew not going to print, so here it is:

The starting line up was good, the score was 5-1 at the half, Shiners wand like cross for Omib was perfect, Bam Bam's hat trick shows that despite being from the Deep South and at 45, pace is everything at this level and took his 3 goals well, his last one the best only to be copied by Trauts who had played like a frightened child every time Salad or Gillie or Omib called for the ball. Gillies opening strike was a classic and something I had never even knew was in his locker, the ability to shoot.The Heeeeds at the back stroked around the ball at will, even Bear looked the part but they were never put under any pressure until they decided to be Barcelona and Jester handed them a goal but Octopus's flagrant avoidance of the ball stank of fix! Jester even tried to lie about it after when interviewed; stating the shine off his brother’s head had blinded him momentarily. Sallis's avoidance of getting his gelled hair ruffled after avoiding a header was a classic, followed swiftly by Omibs retrieval of the ball after a 70 yard, on a sixpence, Jester pass only to see Omib do his Octopus impression and fluff it out. Half time came and went, Slackjack to run the midfield with Gillie, as they had done in years gone past. However, the withdrawal of Gonzo from defence, Doo do dooo from midfield (He's still playing for chrissakes) plus the real reason for the draw, the loaning of Greg Roffe (Former Woking striker) and Mitch' (Only 19 years old) who played in midfield. Greg scored 1 and set up 3, Mitch hammered 2 crackers and that was my fault, I don't think so?Anyway, in true Slackjack style, he never gave up, was involved in the move for the sixth and ran a full 87 yards to receive a pass from Omib and coolly slot from the edge of the box past a stranded keeper for 7-7. Other comments on the game:Shiner being the only leftie meant he rarely got the ball but he kept coming inside in the second half and then the only time he ran wide left, moaned about my pass back inside, he had been here for 30 minutes already and should have stayed there. Jester and Octopus deliberately playing silly buggers and handing them at least 2 goals, Trauts and Shiner literally standing on the wing with no effort to tackle back, and help Horse, who I thought did well, despite not knowing where he was, EP, Utd or Climping, it was Arundel Horse, Arundel! Omib’s constant berating of me and a few others but forgot to challenge back all 90. Then penalties, despite asking several times what the format was, it became confusing, Sallis pen was the pick, Jester bagged I think and then Omib missed and told me I had to take one despite being in agony. The new ref Geoff (What a nob) couldn’t help but interfere and continually put my ball into a hole, which inevitably resulted in a poor result, only then to be told I had not only changed the game from 5-1 up to 7-7 but also lost the shoot out as mine was the decider, why not tell me then comrades?Then onto the bar where Mr Marchant excelled, Geoff the ref , Octo’ “avoid the ball at all costs” pus, Kay and the lads were all in fine form. I do have a bone to pick with Bob, he sabotaged the floor with beer that has resulted in me being in hospital today but I didn’t spill a drop and won’t sue.My head hurt all day yesterday and the bodies turn today but please let me know when we can do the next one to Ware plus we also need a date to play in East Sussex, only fair to share it around?Thanks, Jon