Mamamia recaps The Bachelorette: Ali just made the ultimate sacrifice.

We’ve sat through six weeks of Charlie pointin’ at the f*ckin’ door, Paddy saying “FIT”, Bill/David coming to terms with his transition from a white heterosexual male to a white heterosexual male, and Ivan being a shit Channing Tatum/not understanding the basic concept of an avocado. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

BUT WE BLOODY MADE IT.

We have no idea what's about to happen. Will Ali choose Taite because of his face... and also his body? Or will she choose Todd despite the fact he's not prepared to immediately become her full time sperm donor?

Will she chose them both and immediately lock them in her basement?

Will Ivan finally achieve his dance dreams?

Will Bill go back to being David?

Will Charlie try to sneak back through the f*ckin' door?

"IT'S OVER THERE"

IDK IDK.

One thing is for sure - Ali will choose someone. She must. Osher has already been let down this year by a certain small member of the weasel family and he shan't be going through that again.

We're in the Northern Territory because Osher forked out heaps to fly a certain small member of the weasel family and his relatives to New Caledonia a few months ago and then he went and HONEY BADGERED it.

German dad takes Todd for a private chat and they do some maths. German dad says Todd is 26 and Ali is 32 and that's six years difference. Todd explains Ali wants to have children within the next 18 months but his timeline is more three years... and that's double.

"WE'LL GET A SPREADSHEET GOING"

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"THAT'S 458585 BABIES IN TOTAL"

After a fascinating lesson in maths, German dad tells Ali he's not quite sure who's going to give him grandchildren and she'll just have to follow her heart. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

PAUSE.

It's single date time and Ali is kissing a Todd.

They get into a helicopter because Osher is a man of routine and Todd says this is definitely in his top three dates. Which seems... inappropriate.

As punishment Ali makes him drink some green ant gin which seems like it would be bitey and also crawly.

"IT'S BITING MY LIVER"

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They then swim in a spring and do a kiss under a waterfall and JESUS CHRIST OSHER, LET'S JUST WRAP THIS SHIT UP RIGHT NOW.