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BDSM Training in SL

I recently ran into a Mistress that offers D/s, BDSM training and the conversation took me back to a few encounters with submissives about training, experience, and how does that play into the BDSM and D/s area.

Let’s start by looking at a person that is brand new to SL (or recently new), and also new to the world of D/s and BDSM. What kind of training do they need? Ask 100 Mistresses and you will hear 100 different answers.

Some take the approach that they need to taught a series of protocols and rules to follow. For example: When you write the word you, it must be capitalized, when you see me come into SL you must drop everything you are doing and come to me (or through RLV they just get TP’d to the Mistress without warning), dress code, etc….

Some are more informal and let the rules and protocols develop as the new person is trying to deal both with SL and the pressures of pleasing a new Mistress.

In either of those two scenarios, there is an incredible amount of pressure on the sub to perform while trying to learn SL (remember when you lost your hair? or worse, couldn’t get it on?), and at the same time experiencing the feelings that come along when pleasing someone.

Of course there are other submissives that have been in SL for several years, and when talking to them they want you (the Mistress) to teach them properly. I nod my head politely and then ask “tell me what you know and your experience” and I would say that over ninety percent get offended and most of the time is because they think I don’t know what I’m doing because I’m asking for feedback from them. After all, “The Mistress should control everything, and something as basic as training should be obvious.” I often tell them that I’m not a mind reader and don’t really want to start training them from the basics because they will be bored immediately.

In order for me to understand their level of experience I ask some key questions:

– Do you use #RLV folders? Do you know what they are?

– Show me your basic BDSM equipment or tell me what you have and who is the maker. I need to know if I can work it ahead of time

– Tell me about the best day you spent with a previous Mistress, with all the details.

Maybe a couple of more questions but you get the idea.

You will be surprised how many “subs” walk away from these types of questions. I’ve come to realize that it is a good way to filter them out as well.

Mistress Victoria (Guadalupe Ansar) runs an academy for Dommes and subs alike and she advocates for some basic training for new subs and new Dommes so at least the basics of D/s and BDSM are discussed. Her training is non-sexual (which turns some people off from going) and includes topics like: understanding domme and submissive feelings; nurturing a long term relationship in SL; use of RLV; aftercare, and many more.

She is not the only one that does training, but she is the only one that specializes in lesbian dominance and fetishes, and runs the training without compensation of any kind.

I’ve often sent her new subs and they all have thank me for that effort. Of course, I could train them myself but the question is their willingness to be trained and be guided with all the time zone and RL issues that get in the way in SL.

Finally, my last thought is about the avs that use the word training when in reality they are thinking of a scenario to play out. “I need to know how to please you Mistress.” Of course to them this is part of the game and they are not really looking for training but for a role play in which they appear to be learning. Good luck trying to figure out what is it that they want from you in that case. This is another case of topping from the bottom (see previous post on the topic).