Thursday, May 29, 2008

Stuff Indian People Like

Being born and raised in India gives me some right to create this list.

1.DealsBuy one get one free? Yes!! A 20 percent off coupon? Great! Mail in rebate? Right now! Where there’s a deal, there’s a desi…er, make that a line of desis. Frugal is a birthright, a religion in some Indian circles.

2.“Culture”We love to talk on and on about Indian culture. Trouble is that our definitions vary. Some ABD folks think Indian culture is hip-hop-bhangra. Other 40 somethings fancy it to be Bollywood films. A third kind of auntyji-types think Indian culture is pooja and fasting. To each her or his own. Indian culture (if there were such a thing) can tolerate multiple perceptions and pluralism.

3.The Double StandardWe ogle and ape Western culture. We covet the Queen’s English. We lust after “fast girls.” But we marry the virgin. Then we talk about Culture (#2).

4.CricketWhether it’s a five day test or Twenty20. Pakistan vs. India or IPL. It’s everywhere. No further evidence needed.

5.Political DiscussionsAll Indians have a political opinion or a hundred. As we should. I am always impressed by how readily desis will jump head first into discussing “politically incorrect” topics at work, at the gas station or hair salon. We don’t notice (or care) if the other guy seems incensed or freaked out. We gotta air our political thoughts.

6.The Chai BreakThat’s chai with sugar and lots and lots of milk. With spices added for that extra kick. (South Indians, i.e. people living south of Uttar Pradesh - please substitute the word kaapi for chai) Indians love their wake up-chai! Arrive at work-chai! A 2 minute meeting with a colleague-chai! Then chai break. Then post lunch chai. Feeling drowsy-chai! Tiffin-time-chai! Neighbor drops by-chai! Dinner is late-chai!

7.FilmsFrom the dancing Hrithik to the even more dancing Junior NTR, Indians love their films and stars. Be it a rousing Rang De Basanti or the pot-boiler masaala of Om Shanti Om, the multiplexes from Kolkata to Chicago are full of desis lining up to see the “first day first show.”

8.Spicy Hot-Hot KhaanaIf you are of Indian born you’d better have a darn good reason to turn down mirch-masaala. I am amazed how even desi kids (no, make that infants, actually) can slurp up rasam along with their Gerber cereal. No one but a desi appreciates the masochistic pleasures of ingesting a meal that induces tears and sweat.

9.TiffinWhether you love namkeen or mithai we can accommodate you. Tiffin time can be at 4 PM or 7 PM. It’s a nice break from working on that deadline. Or a “small” intake of energy before your daily trip to the gym. And, don’t forget #6.

10.Gup-shupEvery desi I know will stop anything for a nice two minute chat. Gup-shup might be conducted over a cup of #6, while discussing #2, 3, 4, 5 or 7. It could be done while sharing some home made #8 or #9. But the best of the best type of gup-shup is when a fellow Indian tells us of a fantastic #1.

11.“Motion”That’s euphemism for the movement of excrement out of our intestines. Indians are fascinated by the subtleties of bowel movements. We will tell our doctor, neighbor, sabziwalla and our boss whether and when we went potty today and if our business came out OK. All ailments begin and end with “motion”. Lots of #10 time is dedicated to this topic, especially by desi uncles and aunties of a certain age. Many “motion” problems can be solved by a good cup of #6.

12.ShaadisIndian weddings are beautiful. They are the epitome of Indian culture (#2) and you get to eat wonderful spicy hot-hot khaana (#8). And reels of films (#7) have been made on Indian weddings. But careful! Too much wedding food will lead to problems with #11.

13.Jaan PehchanWhere there is a problem to be solved, Indians search fervently for contacts. Even when the task can be done by dropping an email to a generic customer service address, true desis will try to find a contact through whom to route their demands.

14.Arrival and Departure ThrongsAirports, train stations and even bus depots are choking with Indians who go en masse to receive a relative or to see off a friend. This would be very touching except for the fact that the entourage outnumbers the travelers 5-to-1. Many traffic jams could be eliminated if a good-bye zone were established five miles away from the drop off area.

15.Family BackgroundAs in: “The girl has a good family background.” It does not matter if it’s a business deal or a marriage proposal, Indians have to verify the goodness of the family. Normally this requirement is satisfied if an uncle or a grandfather was a retired District Magistrate.

16.Free AdviceFrom the best cure for foot fungus to whom you should marry - Indians love to hand out advice. The ammaji who sits next to you on the train will tell you exactly what to do. It’s free and it’s often unwanted. But it will come at you fast and furious. Incidentally, this Indian activity is the cross-generational version of gup-shup (#10).

Excellent, Fantastic, Mind Blowing write up! (sorry, it's been a while since anyone brought up Himanshu so I got carried away!) Just last week, I was reading the RedEye (chicagoan newspaper) and they mentioned something about stuffwhitepeoplelike.com and I thought this would be a great idea if converted to Indian people. You read my mind Mind Rush!! You are right on the mark with all the points. What about adding nicknames. All desi people like nicknames (as Aspi's covered before!) no matter how old the person gets.

There is a post here to be had about how desi people love to tell everyone about how busy they are. "I'm busy with meetings" or "I'm busy running my kid into the ground going from activity to activity" or "I'm so busy everyone is coming to my house".

Sheesh! For once I want to run into a desi who says "I just sat in my hammock and lazed around all day"

Aspi there should be a whole section on food/eating on "Stuff Indian People Like".It doesn't take long in any conversation to bring the subject of food up, be in a receipe or a new variation of making food.

Aspi- then you shd call me up whenever you are sick of busy desis. Ajit and I are bonafide bums who cheerfully inform one and all that we are 'lazing at the beach with Hunny' even if said person is juggling things like a multi-armed asura.

#4: I was visiting the elephanta caves (Mumbai) in early March and there were visitors playing cricket at one of the caves' entrance! :D

#6: Hey Mind Rush, you should talk about Brits and chai. I think they're more crazy than us. I knew one guy who drank 24 cups (not the Indian standard size, but the extra large mug kinds) a day. I spent some 4 days with him and that drove the chai lover in me crazy.

#10: hehahahaha *wicked laughter* loved it! ;)

#13: is the rule to live by, for everyone. Seriously! I remember my grandpa used to say "oLkhaaN to moTi khaaN chhe" meaning "knowing more people is like a huge mine" and always comes in handy. And he always said that you'd never know when even the mud on the roads will come of help. I gotta write these down.

#15: sheesh! LOL *no comments*

Mind Rush, if you want tips for the next set of SIPL, please let me know I have lots of #15. ;)

HAHAHAHA! I am going to laugh all day today just thinking about this list and more...

Mindrush, I echo the compliments that has been said by others. This is howlarious!

You did'nt mention anything about Antakshri. Seems like that is my families fav. past time and its sad people still sing the same sequence of songs that we use to sing in the fifth grade - "Main Shayar to nahi", "na-na meri beri ke ber", "Geet gata hoon main"

OMG Joules, I totally agree. It is SO irritating to play Antakshari with people who insist on singing some lame old song like 'na na karte pyar tumhi se kar baithe'. Come on, it's 2008 people!!!! ugh I just had to get that off my chest :-p

Here is another one: Lots of comments on color, weight and height and the comments are never complimentary. "Arre kali ho ke aagayi (Your complexion is darker)", "Austin mein kuch khane pine to nahi milta kya (Dont you get anything to eat or drink in Austin)".

Joules,LOL,i know! everytime i'm back form hostel my parents start off,'you've gone down,you've become dark.you look pale...and on and on and on..'!! and i'm sure to put on weight again before i get back:P

Kanan, that picture is taken near the Narmada dam. And you see a bit of my older son Motorsandal - who spent quite a bit of time grappling with the concept of a "public" toilet.

I'm with Joules on that last one. After I'm all excited to see my mom and make a long journey to see her, first words out of her mouth: "Kem Aspi, you've put on weight" or "You've lost more hair". Then, big hug.

LOL about the public toilet.i still find it outrageously funny though i was born and brought up here.btw do thyey bargain abroad???i'm sure they don't.but they can't get rid of their bargaining as long as thye are here!!!duh!it irritates me!hameshaa har shop mein ek hi baat,'dene ka daam bolo bhaiyaa'!!!

...LOL...also i've had ppl asking my dad how much he earns in "gelf"..as if we bludy own an oil well...n not to mention how many 'tolas' of gold does mommy have...sic!then we have some 'friendly' neighborhood elderly couple dog walking, who keep yakking [and show off as if they belong to a different league] about how their sons have settled with 'goris' in the States....

...AND 'surprisingly' those goris r like sooooooooooooooooo out of this world that Tulsi Virani and the Bahu gang would get a complex!..["U KNO LIZA ACTUALLY COOKED DAL..!!!CAN U BELIVE IT??DAL??OMG!IT WAS THE MOST WONDERFUL DAL I EVER TASTED!"]

That's double whammy. Because you know they are crushingly disappointed that their kid didn't marry an Indian girl (which is quite unfair to all parties involved) and they are trying to make up for it by saying things like: "heck, at least she wasn't black" or "she wore a salwaar once and looked like an angel" or "she ate so many of my chapaatis!" or "isn't it cute how she calls me momeejee"

LMAO! THese posts are too good! It looks really unappropriate at work when, instead of working, i'm cracking up reading everyone's comments!

I agree with Kanan though...the "jaaher shauchaalay" was the best! I remember, when i was younger, people used to use such ridiculous words to say bathroom...i.e. Sandaas!! I CANT stand that word! It just sounds disgusting! LOL!!

joules...the antakshari thing totally hit home...the worst is when they incorporate the ENTIRE antakshari from Maine Pyaar Kiya into the actual antakshari!! That drove me crazy...

Funny story, I have a four year old niece who went to a b'day party. They made puri-sabzi for dinner. When she came back home, we asked her how was dinner and she said that was'nt dinner because they did'nt have any achar, pappad, raita or salad.

haha you forgot how the new immigrants always brag about the size of their house back home and the number of servants they have. Also, their kids act more western than we do.

UFFFF we had some family over for dinner last week. They are from my dad's pind and the lady kept bragging about how she finds it soooooooo hard to adjust in 3 bedroom home here..and how they problems doing housework blah blah blah blah

Why just the other day some desi kids were running around in a circle in the library and creating a racket. The librarian called out to their oblivious parents. The parents turned around and gave this huge smile to the librarian like "aren't they cute?"

srsly two or more indian kids at a social gathering is a big disaster waiting to happen!

The moms gather to one side and start gossiping about inane bullsh*t and the dads on other side talking about politics and share market and what have you!

and the kids go BIZERK! and parents don't even control their kids..i think they think "oh well its not our house let them do whatever they feel like" or WHAT?

while growing up whenever me and my brother went anywhere we had to be in our best behavior and also look after our little sister.. we weren't allowed to jump around like little monkeys UGH

last year one of the kids broke my $300 sunglasses.. i had it resting on a table and they were jumping around throwing a football all over the place and knocked it off.. the parents didn't even offer to buy me a new one..

@megan i so feel your pain .. I don't know why people don't teach their children nowadays ... i say this with no remorse at all .. but my pet dogs are more trained then some kids nowadays .... there i said it ....

Mind Rush,That was mind blowingly awesome.In the bong crowd we have here, there is another quirk about doing some gaan baazna(read singing and music) at the end of the party, be it at one am in the night.And then there are really annoying kids who have come to my house and broken one of my expensive picture frames.And then there's a couple who are too busy socilaizing that sometimes they even forget their kid is still in the car seat in the car.And then the whole culture BS.I was told that kids cannot dance to Hindi or English numbers coz its not a part of Bong culture.I felt like giving them a whack!

I'm obvioulsly popping in after a hiatus (did anyone miss me?) - but I do have this to add:

#n - Indian people love doctors. They all want their children to go to medical school and become doctors. Barring that, they want their daughters to marry doctors. I'm fairly certain this is one area in which the double standard does not apply, and they want their sons to marry doctors too.

In addition to being a doctor, or making a doctor a part of your bloodline.. Indians love going to doctors. Tickle in your throat? Let's call Doctor Sahib. Stub your toe? Must call the cardiologist right away! Indians love talking about their "sugar" - aka diabetes, BP, and klesteraal. Entire gatherings have been known to center around conversations about these ailments.

Joules, I'm one of those "remove your shoes" - probably because I'm just super lazy and don't want to clean every time I have company. Although I should say I walk around barefoot everywhere - even in my workplace sometimes.

But for a while we had some funky japanese slippers for people who wanted to remove their shoes and walk around in them. Now that was hilarious when I think about it.

speaking of janwar-like children, one of my friend's son slapped his grandmom last week, (he's 2) and she told him he can't have any chocolate and he let her have it. But all she did was say "Kevin, we dont do that!" Shit if i were her, i would've slapped him back (not hard, but just to teach his ass a lesson). Since I grew up in India, I'm used to abuse like that, shit in India, people you dont know slap you when you're a kid. I remember people used to tapli-marvanu my brother all the time cause he broke their window playign cricket or took air out of their tires and whatnot. Yeah, he was a brat!

I totally knew how to play my dad when I was a kid. I'd get him to sign all my usual 'bad behavior chits' and notes and unit test thingies and when my mom got wind of it, he's say "Jau de ga, lahaan ahe ti!" Let it go, she's just a kid :-)

My mom, if you gave her a book by Dr Spock, she's spank my bum with it :-p hehe.

And there was this usual back and forth they did. She'd give me a slap for punching my friend Rahul on the nose for the nth time (but he broke my toy truck! he did!) and dad would be like "Aplya mulanna koni marta ka?" Does anyone hit their own child? And my mom would retort "Mag kay, dusryancha mulanna maru?" What, then? Should I go hit someone else's kid?

It got to the point where I'd mime her response while she was saying it and LOOK OUT! Volcano explosion!!

hehehehehe ya I was shameless :-p And my kittens were equally horrid. I trained them to deposit dead lizards (which they had killed) on the swimming pool and in my dad's driveway :-) Also, the kittens were heavily encouraged to attack Sathe aunty who was terrified of cats.

Mind Rush: I am terrified of kids precisely because I was a HORRIBLE spoilt brat and my mom used to tell me I'd know what it was like once I had my own. Aieee damn karma. Why can't I have nice, docile kids like Rahul who let other people's banshees beat em up?

Pitu, your adventures reminded me of my childhood. Let’s just say the less I speak of it the better. I wouldn’t want to be a role model. :D

Another thing we Indians do is bring food to where ever we go. If the theater says you can’t bring food from outside and must buy our 3x more expensive food, we will trick them. And then of course be it work or any family outings or long travels or just an outing at a nearby park, we bring our own food. I know I do. ;) HAHAHA! I think it could be more of a Gujarati thing than an Indian thing in general. Not sure though. I remember back in India it was thepla and suki-bhaji were like hot favorites. Regardless of what place we are heading to, these two were a must. Now they’ve changed to things like cheetos, chips-salsa and what not. Hey! Any of that #1 would help, right?! If not much it could help a little with #6, eh.

Of course, I am totally against the idea of bringing garlicy, oniony, smelly, might-make-some-goras-faint food to work that might make the coworkers be thankful they aren’t Indians. I stick to the safe, aroma-free foods for the non-Indian company/at work, unless of course they’re fan of it too! ;)

oh yes Hindi movies at the theater. That is quite an experience. I only go to the movies like twice a year to watch a Bollywood movie. Only ones starring Ash or Hrithik or both (multiple times). Those ones had decent audience most the time. Also punjabi movies have decent audience.

BUT THEN I MADE A HUGE MISTAKE OF GOING TO WATCH OM SHANTI OM! OMG!

FOB ATTACK!

Kids were crying and parents wouldn't even try to quiet them. My mom lost her patience and she says to me "gosh some people need to learn the concept of babysitters" loud so they could hear..

and samosas and whistles and their annoying oooohs and aaahs!

I am never gonna watch a shahrukh khan movie everrr again (at least at the movies)

I have wonderful parents but I have never told them anything that might potentially upset them, ever. It was ok to discuss Chekov with mom but not boys. Being a total daddy's girl I could never go there with him either.College came I found my gora partner and married him, I have loved him more with every passing year but it eats me up to tell my parents.(We have been married for 4 years!)

Drifters, any advice? any mixed couples out there, with 'vishesh tippani'

Leera, Seriously, can you clarify your comment...You did not tell your parents you're married for four years? You need advice in a "Rush." And this ain't no quick therapy. Please buy the season pass. Mind Rush to the rescue....

Leera, I can only imagine how agonizing this situation must be for you. The thing is, it's not going to be getting easier with the passgage of time. As a fellow drifer I urge you to deal with this now. It will be better for you, your hubby and also better for your family. I knew of another situation like this in the past where the girl's family found out about her secret marraige via a third party. You can guess what transpired. Feel free to write to me at mindrush121@gmail.com to discuss this. I can direct you to some resources.

Actually, I realized when I was eighteen or nineteen that if I ever get married, it could never be with my parents approval--thus probably in secret or something.

It has nothing to do with non-Indians. (Though I am attracted to all kinds of guys.) I do want to marry an Indian guy. But I don't share my family's strict religious beliefs. They can never accept me marrying outside that--and I can never marry someone who totally shares their beliefs.

I know how hard it is and why you feel as though you cannot tell them. It isn't because you are worried about yourself. No, it is because you do not want to hurt them. In my case, because it is religion, it is a whole different ballgame. Because it is much harder for really religious people to accept religious outsiders (that do not convert) than cultural people to accept someone from another culture into the family, imo.

That doesn't negate your difficulties though. I am not giving any advice. Just saying that I can sympathize and understand why you would keep it a secret from your parents.

But speaking of shoes in the house.

It's not just Desis, actually. (And I admit, I am damn proud that we take off our shoes in the house.) I've had to do the same when I've gone to other Asians' houses back in High School. Muslims--black, Arab, etc etc. And also some Eastern European guy was doing electricity work in our house and he was like, "our people are the same... We too take off shoes.")

Aspi, you may like this article.http://nymag.com/health/features/46213/

Lin, I totally agree with u...but u know ..atleast ur folks r predictable..u know wht they want and what they dont....i on the other hand have been left confused in the past with their reactions to all my bfs...they never approved of anyone..citing real shitty reasons...i ended up losing the relationships because i was a 'gud' gal n lissened to my folks...but now all that roller coaster ride of relationhsips has turned me into one ruthless motherfucker!i dont trust any guy and all i can think of is how soon can i use him n move on.......heck i am even considering extramarital afairs.......i hate being this way..and my folks dont even think of getting me married off...weird crap! i guess Mindrush can move in now............

Lin, thanks for the link. Normally I'm suspicious of studies - unless of course I agree with them. A while ago my mum was in town and said "Motorsandal is flat footed. You must have him in shoes all the time".

So from then on - its either barefoot or the best shoes I can afford to buy for him.

Our kids' shoes so far have cost more than my entire school education.

EWWWW Harman? Apart from the fact that he desperately is aping Hrithik. He is nothing like him.

Harman looks like Emraan Hashmi's love child with some midget.. He is so FUGLY. I just hope he doesn't decide to procreate with Priyanka. EWW the offspring will be some monkey with gigantic lips and a fuct up nose. No thanks we have had enough of ugly people in this world..

Wow, major info! :-) All correct, and nothing to add...but Joules, just to answer your q: I do that all the time - I don't wear outdoor shoes in the house, and while wearing saris, I just make allowance for the height of the heels - so leave the sari that much longer. Then, right before leaving the house, check on the length and make minor adjustments as needed - all it takes is a quick tuck or a slight tug (step on the back of the sari and stand upright, that will pull it down enough)

Wow, major info! :-) All correct, and nothing to add...but Joules, just to answer your q: I do that all the time - I don't wear outdoor shoes in the house, and while wearing saris, I just make allowance for the height of the heels - so leave the sari that much longer. Then, right before leaving the house, check on the length and make minor adjustments as needed - all it takes is a quick tuck or a slight tug (step on the back of the sari and stand upright, that will pull it down enough)

Wow, major info! :-) All correct, and nothing to add...but Joules, just to answer your q: I do that all the time - I don't wear outdoor shoes in the house, and while wearing saris, I just make allowance for the height of the heels - so leave the sari that much longer. Then, right before leaving the house, check on the length and make minor adjustments as needed - all it takes is a quick tuck or a slight tug (step on the back of the sari and stand upright, that will pull it down enough)

Sarees never come right if you dont wear shoes while draping it (especially if you normally wear heels). An inch off the floor and the look is spoiled. The only full length mirror I have sits in my closet and I have to bring my shoes up to check if they go with the outfit. But then I am not so finicky about shoes in the house. In winters, usually off (yucky chicago snow), in summers, maybe keep them on, since we walk out on to the deck often. Having no carpeted areas on the first floor helps.

LOL re-Ash, it cracks me up when people set proper dates to get pregnant. I wish Ash all the best..only hope she doesnt discover (like so many women have) that its not as easy to conjure up a pregnancy as setting it on your calendar!

What do you mean by I can't get pregnant in November? I have a lovely family - my ma and pa love me not to mention the perfect man in my life. I just walked barefeet to sidhi vinayak and will be visiting every single temple in India. Did I mention how happy I am these days. With God's grace I will be giving the good news to you all by the end of the year.

Joules, Prateek Babbar is Raj Babbar and Smita Patil's son, where as the other two are his and Nadira Babbar's children. Just found out about it today when I was searching for info on Sonu Sood (Sujamal of Jodhaa Akbar) thinking he is related to Raj Babbar. They looked like father son to me. Just blogging about it now.

I just dropped by to say that I am living up the single boy life - my SMS inbox is full, I go to parties every night and stay up late, I wear Italian designer shoes and don't have to walk anywhere barefoot.

I don't have to hang out with a guy who wears a headband, his Dad and some funny bald guy who is surgically attached to said Dad's hip.

Pitu you beat me by a min. :) Hahaha @ being stuck in an elevator with Sonu Sood.

Aspi that's funny. Cmon I think Raj Babbar is a fine actor. ;) But I seriously thought the dude playing Sujamal was totally related to him. I didn't know his name at that time so kept thinking so until after 10 days of watching the film.

No, Pitu. He looks more like Raj Babbar, see here. Amitabh almost never showed his ears when he was young in the film industry. My dad and I used to laugh thinking he had the tiniest ears so he was embarrassed to show them. Sonu, not the same. :P but I do see similarities between their noses and Sonu's eyes look like Big B's when he expresses anger. Otherwise, he looks like Raj Babbar's son. ;)

Kanan, I think the reason I just cannot see any similarities between Sonu and Raj is because I think Sonu is super cute and Raj always looked sleazy. OTOH young Amitabh was also maha cute esp in Chupke Chupke.. so I think it's easier for me to make him Big B's handsome son in an alternate universe as opposed to Babbar's :-)

But ya I hope he does more films. He did a great job as Sujamal Bhaisa. Too bad he shared the screen with Hrithik because H with his Greek God looks can overwhelm anyone.

not wanting to remove shoes seems to be quite the american thing (as opposed to canadian).

my best friend is brown and talks about how she'd be disowned if she brought home somebody black--even if he was a doctor or lawyer i ask her? it's a rather sore spot in our friendship... seriously, would it be so bad to bring home a black significant other?

dalia, everyone has a social totem pole on which they assign themselves a spot. How you deal with race and class determine how your social totem is constructed and where you end up on it. So it is with desi folks.

One thing to note though is that desis tend to verbalize issues of race much more overtly than others. In this they are like black people - race is an issue and is discussed often if not constantly or positively.

So instead of someone who might pay lip service to dating black people and then suspiciously always finding an excuse to dismiss bringing one home, you have someone who says it up front.

Its not an excuse of sorts, but just something I've learned to appreciate. And for me putting a positive spin on it helps to deal with the frustration around how a lot of desis still handle race.

Mindrush, hahaha,u really desribed desiness so well. And Leera, to prove Mindrush right, let me also dole out free advice:- do consider letting ur parents know, cos if they hear of it from someone else,its going to hurt even more.(and u r abroad,so they cant lock u up in a house and get u married off to someone else:)). It may turn out to be not-so-bad.My cousin was in a simlar situation 10 years ago, her parents were getting her wedding fixed to sone one else, and she panicked and came to me, then I advised her to let her parents know. There were fireworks for a few days, but things settled down after that. She has been happily married for 10 years, and she still says she is glad she did what i said. Of course circumstances may be different in ur case.U r the best judge. But its just the 'desi' genes in me, prodding me to sermonize!Best wishes!