Friday, February 1, 2013

Co-sleeping

I've been thinking a lot about co-sleeping recently and thought I'd write a post about it. We've been co-sleeping with baby since she was a few days old. She's never slept in the crib except for a 20 minute nap once. I love co-sleeping. After I had her, I'd look at her and couldn't imagine not sleeping by her. We had a bassinet (borrowed from friends) and she felt so far away from me. Those first days, I'd put her in it, then wish she was next to me.

Co-sleeping allowed me to sleep. When I meet people and they ask about sleep-deprivation or if I'm looking forward to getting sleep again someday, I tell them I already get about 8 or 9 hours a night. I get less, sometimes much less, if she's teething or sick. But there is nothing like sleeping by a baby. Their soft little breaths, the little legs curled over mine, the snarfles and moans and squeaks she makes in her sleep. The tiny hands reaching for some part of me, any part, to hold onto.

It's pretty easy for me to flash forward to the day when she's 15, or 30, and she'll no longer be sleeping beside me. Right now is a tiny speck, a flash, a flicker, a swift movement of the hands on the great clock of Time. It will pass and be gone before I know it.

So as I type, she is curled up beside me and nursing. She has a cold so her snarfles are louder than usual. I've been thinking about the possibility of her sleeping in her toddler bed soon, at least when she goes to sleep, and to whisk her into bed after her first night waking. Co-sleeping is not entirely easy. It takes a toll-- for me, on the amount of time spent with my husband. I'm starting to miss him and it feels like something needs to give. And Baby is not such a tiny, tiny babe anymore. Those days are gone. She might do okay, even like, sleeping on her own for a few hours.

And now she's up. Sitting beside me, rubbing her eyes, stretching, leaning back against the bolster pillow. It does make me happy to make her happy.