Search

It’s Friday. If you have the same corporate culture in your office as I did, you know, when I still had a job, you can dress down a bit more on Fridays than on Mondays to Thursdays. Unless you work in the circus, or in a strip club or are a police officer. Then you pretty much need to stay in uniform today. Or not put anything on. If you’re a stripper.

There was this one dude who really lived for Fridays. It meant he could ditch his suit and tie and strap on a belt buckle. But not just any belt buckle. This is the only thing in the world Chuck Norris is afraid of. I’m not shitting you, this thing was a lethal weapon.

Don't touch me on my ... belt buckle?

Seriously. It was more weapon than intimidating fashion statement. Ninjas would be even more invincible using it. And gangsta rappers would attempt to bust a cap in his ass so they could have a spare rim for their Hummers. Except they would fail. And headlines would read: Ice T-Bag and accomplices die of rim injuries, or what appears to be decapitation by belt buckle.

I should cut him some slack. If anyone can put the fear of God into Chuck Norris, I have to show him some respect and keep the ridicule to a minimum. After all, you may be endangering your old-man balls and all wearing such a fearsome viking shield for a belt buckle, but at least it’s still better than looking like a fool with your pants on the ground.

3 Responses to “I Kill You With My Belt Buckle”

Lady Bastardo, your presence here is always welcome. As are your cryptic questions. And to give you Die Antwoord, yes, combining a viking belt buckle with a popped collar will not only make you look like the most impressive moron on casual Friday, but it will also send out a message to Chuck Norris, ninjas everywhere and rebellious llamas: don’t fuck with this dude. But you can laugh at him behind his back. That’s always acceptable.

The Moron

Follow my unholy joyride at your own peril. Be warned, careless insults and gratuitous profanity buzz around these pages like flies about a dead llama. But you will also read unbelievably profound wisdom that will completely blow your mind and make you come back for more. Or shoot yourself. Your choice.

Email Subscription

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email. It's free, dear moron.