The news today that ab-sessed teen retailer Abercrombie & Fitch offered to pay Jersey Shore instigator Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino to not wear its clothes in public has lit up the internet. Let's see just what is making the store so upset.

Known for hypersexual marketing campaigns with nearly naked teens, clothing company Abercrombie…
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On the surface it doesn't seem to make sense. Both Abercrombie and Sitch have made their brands based on baring abdominal muscles, bland rebellion, and throngs of screaming young ladies. Just what is it that they think is so damn trashy about The Situation? Well, his fashion sense isn't the greatest, that's for sure, but is it any worse than the routine Aberzombie? Let's look at some of his routine awfulness.

Here he is wearing a very clearly branded pair of Abercrombie sweatpants. First of all, this whole ensemble is entirely formless and doesn't show off the poor man's hard-won physique at all. Also, why are there so many neutrals? He looks like a walking bowl of oatmeal. And the hat doesn't really help. Then he just looks like oatmeal with a big blueberry in it. And why is he wearing a hood in public? It's not like he's trying to hide his identity, since he's peeking out of the hood and smiling.

This doesn't reference Miami Vice in a clever or interesting way, it just looks like a sad, outdated throwback. Between the tan and the white over the pastel he looks looks like Don Johnson's busted younger brother. Someone needs to teach him that rule about taking off one accessory before leaving the house, in this case either the rosary beads or the chain.

[Image via Getty]

This strange contraption is one of The Situation's favorites. It's a sleeveless hoodie worn over a T-Shirt. This is like one of the gross animal hybrids on the Island of Doctor Moreau or some shit. Note that it's paired with mismatched Punky Brewster style sneakers.

[Images via Getty]

Alright, I know that stumbling onto a ridiculous outfit on Dancing with the Stars is kind of like running into a crazy naked person on the subway, but doesn't The Situation have any input as to what he gets to wear? This cheesy red tux shirt and bow tie would have been bordello awful if it was buttoned and tied, but to leave them both undone? He looks like the cover of a Fabio romance novel called Lust Prom.

[Image via ABC]

This is typical Situation: tacky T-Shirt, awful blazer, bad sunglasses, jeans, a ball cap, rosary beads, and underwear peeking out of the pants. But look at how every single thing he is wearing is perfectly matched in blue and black. God, this is fussier than Snooki the day before she gets her Brazilian. If you're matching your undies to your whole ensemble in a meaningful way, then you are trying too hard—and need a belt.

[Image via Getty]

Just make the Ed Hardy stop. And if you look closely, these are cargo sweatpants. That does not make them classy. In fact, it makes the opposite. If you ever wear sweatpants outside of the house and you're not going to or from the gym or major surgery, then you have given up on life and you should be euthanized to save the rest of us from having to stare at your jersey-swaddled corpse.

It's bad enough that Sitch is wearing his patented blingy T-shirt/blazer/whiskered jeans combo, but then he's got to show off the inside of the jacket which has no label (read: cheap) and still has the price tag in it (read: double cheap). And the two A's on his undies and the A on his belt are all way too close together. At least he has a AAA unlike America's credit rating.

[Images via Getty]

I have no problem with The Situation showing off his body—in fact, it's preferable to him showing off his face—but here he is at the gym with no top on. Shirtless workout! Ew! Talk about a downward dog.