TimeZone Wrap-Up – 3/8/99

First of all, I don’t know why I’ve decided to do this again. I have receivedthousands of cards and letters this week from Zoners begging me not tomention them in these wrap-ups, yet not a single one of them could produce anyevidence as to why I should not. One Zoner recounted how I have ruined his loveof watches, and in so doing, his life. Another said I turned Timezone into acheap, tawdry website, no better than www.RubberBondage.com(hey, great site, thanks for the tip, Ed!). One woman told me how herdistraught husband had gone back to quartz because there was nowhere else toturn; all truly heartfelt expressions of emotions. And the Europeans? Well, theydon’t say nothin’. They just lurk in the background with their smug technicalfacts, waiting for the next unsuspecting soul to ask a legitimate watch question– never even cracking a smile. So, with all of his positive feedback, LET’SGET STARTED!!!!

What a week! Reminds me of a visit to a mental institution when I was sixyears old. It was my grandmother on my mother’s side. She wasn’t crazy actually.Just needed a shock treatment. Back then they were the only places that didthem. Today we have Quentin Tarentino movies.

Remember all of the talk back in the late 70’s about biorhythms?Well, you folks definitely hit a “triple critical” thisweek. The only happy person on the forum was Richard Paige and he’s inHawaii. Not a peep, that I could tell, out of many of our old friends. Waltwas a no-show, OCD was inabsentia, Mario was conspicuously out ofview most of the week, and Mycroft, Watchbore, and Justin Time areonly fond memories. No one misses us until we’re gone! I bought a PP5035 becauseof Mycroft, a Seamaster because of Justin Time, and I took up writing because ofWatchbore (Damn! Could that guy post!). “Where have you gone, JoeDiMaggio?”

Not only was the depression palpable this week, we had a few deaths in thefamily. Stanley Kubrick passed away as did “The Yankee Clipper.There were several nice words about Kubrick and I particularly enjoyed Aran’s“Full Metal Jacket” recant about the jelly donut. Richard’s reminderof Slim Pickens also brought a smile. The passing of Joe DiMaggio had a moreprofound affect on me as I saw this as a loss of another of my childhood heroes.I’m certain that someone else also passed on but just wasn’t able to let usknow. If I die, you’re not likely to know it unless you’re a Kmart stockholderand then I suppose there is a good possibility they won’t even make mention ofit (Hey, I bought that fondue watch from A. Crewe!)

COME on PEOPLE! RISE and SHINE! Quit worrying about your watchaddictions, quit looking for watches with blue faces. Quit your pissin’ andmoanin’ that I (and the likes of me) have ruined TimeZone! Quit worrying thatyou’re paying too much for watches. Of course you are! And quit worrying that HansZbinden is going to buy the Rado Watch Company. Hell, he already ownsit!

We had an interesting reader survey this week, compliments of graiche.He queried us about how we decide on which posts to read. There were 100responses. 54% of the respondents said they did 4 (which wasactually a combination of 2 -read only posts containing fullfrontal nudity and 3– read only posts written by respectedauthors). 44% said they only do 2. 1% (loakim) said he did 3and the winner, Victor Wong was the sole person to answer 1 (readseverything ever written). Victor, all I can say is that you don’t have enough todo. Call graiche next week and he’ll send you the watch you’ve won! Ifyou add up all of the numbers on this poll, the correct answer was actually 306,which surprisingly wasn’t even a choice. I personally answered 2 so that the“respected” authors wouldn’t know I was kissing butt. What kind ofpoll was this anyway?

Speaking of full frontal nudity, Boon paid tribute this week to the OmegaMoon Watch. His link took us to some beautiful photos of the infamousSpeedmaster, but another more obscure link that was hardly noticeable took us tohis secret Cindy Crawford photo archive. Not only was she not wearing anOmega watch, she didn’t appear to be wearing much of anything. I just don’t getit.

Duncan McLeod got a “wee bit randy” this week. Aftertaking care of his problem he said he saw a Black SeaMonster. Hmmm. I usuallysee stars! NLMKH

Ryan got bored in a meeting this week in New York and took an informalwatch poll. Turns out he was in a room full of lawyers and insurance people. Theper capita Patek population was scary. Scarier still was the company hewas keeping. Can’t you find a better group of people to hang out with?

eRIC must have also gotten pretty bored this week. His onlycontribution that comes to mind was this: (_8(l). Definitely archivematerial. Definitely Homer Simpson. Please Bulletin Board!

Peter was back this week. He’s still looking for one of those“genetic employment ” buckles. I wish someone would post a scan of oneof these. Can’t for the life of me figure out what they are. Several of you knewwhere to send him though.

There was a lot of talk regarding the new IWC ad campaign. Seems IWCfeels they need to get “cute”. I’m sorry to see this. I felt theiraustere black and white ads had a certain “something” about them. Theywere serious almost to the point of being unapproachable. They said, “here’sa damn good watch but you’re probably too stupid to understand this”. PhilBaker thinks the new campaign is a joke and I do too, although I need toactually see it first before I pass judgment.

John wanted to know this week if we slept with our watches. Oh, boy. Idon’t, but if this is important to you then you might want to check out www.RubberBondage.com.According to Ed, they cater to all sorts of things.

Loakim shared with us his new Zenith Class 4 that he bought fromChiang Kai-shek this week and I guess it’s a pretty nice watch. Everyone gottwisted up over the mineral glass back issue, though. I don’t like the sound of“mineral”. Reminds me of mineral oil. I imagine these backs dissolvingin high temperatures and then the movements falling out. Then what do you have?Loakim, I’ll give you $200 for this watch and save you a lot of futureaggravation. You’re welcome!

Well, to all of you who hang out in these new exclusive little hoity-toityforums Richard started, I’d just like to point out that the Rolex boysare kicking your ass! I know that Richard told us this week that IWC hadtaken the lead, but I personally believe this is just an anomaly. I paid myfirst visit ever to the Rolex Forum this Thursday and it said there hadbeen 12,346 new messages since my last visit. I immediately got the hell out!When I clicked on the IWC Forum, there had only been 4 new messages sincemy last visit. You do the math. There hasn’t been a message posted on the LangeForum since about the 23rd of Whenever and I don’t know whatthose Minerva guys have to talk about! Minerva only makes about 4 watchesa year and they are all “limited editions” and “anniversary”models. There are more people on the Minerva forum than there are Minervawatches. And don’t even get me started about the JLC Forum. Those people hatethemselves over there. They just hang around worrying about where to send theirwatches when they break and wondering why the guys in Virginia who work in theIWC room do such a better job, blah blah blah. I look forward to the PatekForum starting up so people can have a place to go to get on with theirlives.

Oh, and if all of this isn’t bad enough, good old Richard is going to startmore new forums based on languages. Now I will never beable to find anyone. I spend most of my time on TimeZone now looking for people.There are too many places to hide. I can’t wait until he starts one of theselanguage-based forums for those Swahili type people who click whenthey talk! I can just hear it now. Click, click, click, click, click. Ican also see it now. I’ll click on that forum and it will clickback at me. The message will say “Welcome Back, Terry Russell. Sinceyour last visit there have been 138 messages, and about 42,000 clicks“.Click, click, click, click, and click! Don’t get me wrong. I am certain Iwould like these people. But who can deal with all of that clicking?

Everyone who bothered to show up this week wanted to know if the OmegaX-33 was going to Mars. OK, let’s assume it is. Now tell me this: howin the hell is it going to get there? Is someone going to Mars? Idon’t think so. We could strap it to the nose of a probe but when it flies intogazillion pieces on impact, what are you going to think about that? Listen, ifthis thing is no better than that Franck Muller Dive watch I bought and reviewedrecently, then I wouldn’t even bother.

Harry Gasthuis provided us with a wonderful review of the book, Reverso,The LivingLegend. I figure this saved about 200 of us $6000. I amputting my $300 down on the actual watch and hoping that MJ will offerthe book as a prize on the JLC forum. Seriously Harry, thanks forthis great post!

Flavio Maria spent all week trying to make a homepage. He downloaded about120 gig of free software and blew out his motherboard (don’t you just love thatterm?). By Friday he was so frustrated that he went to a neighbor’s house, goton their computer, and cussed us all out! Hell, I’d let him have my homepage butI have already listed it with a Real e-state firm and am about to sign a salescontract. Flavio, just go to www.homestead.comand build one there. They have made it pretty easy!

John Stancampiano asked us early in the week “Where can I buyluminous compound that works?” Now I don’t know about you, but thisimplies to me that he has already bought some that didn’t! All I know is thatthis stuff can be quite toxic and, since it only comes in 1-liter cans, one hasto wonder what this guy is up to. For God’s sake John, don’t be painting thisstuff on aluminum watches!

I understand from a reliable source that Wahoo and RobE havepatched things up and are now down in St. Martin opening up a pharmaceuticalsplant under the name Happy99, Inc. As I write this they are both living in abarn near the beach and doing just fine. I think they are working on some ofthose genetic employment buckles you people keep talking about.

Aran reported that the D.C. TimeZone get-together was a smashingsuccess. The local newspaper said it was the closest thing to a Rugby party thatthey had seen in years! Now we have Vincent calling for all of the SanDiego zoners to get “united” (hmmm) and it is rumored that Frederick’sof Hollywood will be on hand, along with the Padres, to display nextseason’s line of watch accessories. They will be modeled of course by none otherthan our own Irene! Yes Graiche, you’re right. I want to look away butjust can’t! (Vincent, you are a damn good sport! J)

Speaking of Vincent, I received the first group of scans from DON thisweek, who so generously offered to e-mail them to me one at a time until I hadall 1000. I figure I’ll have them all in about 3 1/2 years, not countingweekends. Turns out that I should have been the one to ask what they “entail”as I’ve yet to get one that actually contains a watch. Ed, I think you’d reallylike these!

I’m going to close this week’s wrap-up on a request. I want all of you take aday off and think about what your problems are. Then, when you return, I wantyou to leave them at the door. No more whining! This is real life folks! Thisain’t no dress rehearsal. You have got to get a grip. And you better get readyfor those clicking people. They will be here before you know it!

That’s a wrap. Not a great wrap, but an effort to live up to mycommitments.