6.07.2005

I've never asked anyone, "Hey do you want to make out in the kitchen?"

I keep on thinking how weird it would be if poor people didn't sweat.

There is this planet somewhere where lifeforms slide all over these soft, colorful tubes and its a lot of fun and they never get tired of sliding and there is no up, down, left, or right.

I have a palm tree acid catcher in my hallway.

My social security is 456-92-0018

If your cell phone were a 15-year old girl, you'd be in jail, buddy

My new apartment is going to be krunk-a-lunk

Sending faxes should replace baseball as America's National Pasttime

I kan mispell wordz beter than any1.

I could throw a bunny rabbit farther than you.

I once knew a toothless Egyptian teenager that would run marathons and pee in sinks. Now he has teeth, is no longer a teen, and makes monthly payments on a water boat.

I'm shrinking.

A good LOL joke is to say you plan on proposing to your future wife at Olive Garden.

Once The Machine, The Egyptian, Chuckster, and myself took this midget to a Houston Astros baseball game. The midget had a loud voice and he started spitting everywhere. A uniformed woman had to warn him and the rest of us let out embarrassed giggles.

The next time I ask a girl out on a date, and she says "NO", I'm going to request a powerpoint presentation that lays out why she said "NO".