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Saturday, June 3, 2017

Do human females usually .?.

[Apparently I last worked on this on Februrary 25th, so between breaking my ankle and getting surgery; feels like forever ago. Might have a somewhat jumpy voice as a result]

For some reason this is in my head, jumping up and down, screaming to get out, and trying to drown out any other thoughts

Elina is an alien. That's not her actual name, nor is it a translation. Instead it's as close as American humans can reasonably be expected to pronounce.

Eff is a fairy. She's one of the ones where knowing her "true" name gives individuals power over her. When she first came to earth she almost said her true name, but stopped herself almost as soon as she started and acted as if the resulting sound were her name. She's been using "Eff" so long now that she considers it her real name with the other being little more than a magical weakness she keeps hidden.

Tasha is a human being. Probably with some superpower or other.

This is likely in my super person universe.

* * *

When you've just dropped your shorts and exposed yourself to your two best friends, it sort of makes your mind stop and go, Wait; what!? How the Hell did we get here!? Which is honestly a better thing to think about than how they won't be your two best friends any longer given what you've just let them see.

So, how did I get here? Well E&E, my wonderful lesbian friends and team mates, apparently aren't the monogamous individuals I thought they were. They made me an offer that I very much would have liked to take them up on, but I knew exactly what would happen if I did, so I made up excuses.

I lied.

Somehow Eff being so nice in response made it worse. I wish you didn't feel the need to lie to us, Tash. You could have just said you're not comfortable sharing the real reason. We'll respect your privacy; we won't pry. Because of course the truth would become pertinent when talking to the person who could detect lying the way a hammerhead shark detected electric fields.

Of course it came up when Eff and Elina were offering to share themselves with me, making not telling the truth feel like more of a betrayal than an ordinary lie.

Of course what they were suggesting was something I really, really wanted.

Of course, of course, of course.

I'd sighed. I thought that maybe I'd been in one place for too long. At least if I were driven out I wouldn't feel guilty anymore, I'd thought. But, I also thought that maybe a middle ground was possible. Maybe I could be selectively honest, keep the core truth hidden, and stay in this place that was the first place to be home in so long I wasn't sure if there'd really been another such place or those were just childhood fantasies that hazy memory had mistaken for reality.

So I said, "If you knew why, then you wouldn't want me around, much less as a part of your relationship."

"Why would Tasha think we would react in any of those ways?" Elina asked.

"Some humans think that people like Tasha are abominable --or sick, or any number of bad things-- because they believe that all females should have the most common female anatomy and all males should have the most common male anatomy and since Tasha is a female with anatomy more commonly found in males . . ."

I don't think I've ever experienced a more surreal moment.

"They think that Tasha should change her body to match her gender?" Elina asked.

"No. That would be unreasonable but at least make some sort of twisted sense," Eff said. "They think that Tasha should spend her entire life pretending to be male and never, ever, show any signs of her true self."

"That is" some kind of alien profanity that likely couldn't be translated. Elina talked like that in times of great emotion. "It is beyond mere evil."

And I found myself in one of Elina's inescapable hugs. "I am so sorry that you have been mistreated," she said to me, "and I would never treat you like that."

Eff just looked at me with a slight grin.

Then she said, "Elina and I want you to be part of our relationship, hasn't changed in the least, so if that's what you want, just give a sign and we can move passed the chaste friend-hugs and onto the kissing."

I wasn't even sure this was real anymore. Fever dream maybe. But if it were real then it seemed important to do something before they changed their minds or came to their senses. I'd lost track of my voice again, so I nodded.

I've never met you, don't even know what gender you identify as - I've just been lurking over at Ana Mardoll's... But I've got to say, I love your writing. I hope you never are in a place where you have to stop.