Interiors

Sweet! Six scented candles to disguise that weird smell coming from your closet

“Why do I smell a rotting corpse holding a three-week-old Vindaloo?” This is just one of the many things you’ll never have to hear someone say when they walk into your room again, thanks to our list of six gorgeous scented candles to disguise that pungent odour you’ve been putting off looking into.

1) Citrus Delight

A delightful mix of orange, lemon and grapefruit, this sweet and zingy scent is perfect for inviting friends over, as its secret note of verbena is an excellent talking point and distraction from the question “Jesus, what the hell is that smell?” You can simply reply: “it must be the hidden note of verbena!”

2) Guilty

This seductive combination of fig and rose helps set the mood for that hot date and keeps the night running smoothly, especially when he asks you what happened between you and your ex, and you stare wistfully at the closet for a prolonged period, before he mentions the weird closet smell. Then you can bring the conversation back by simply replying: “it must be the hidden note of verbena!”

3) Man Musk

While it may resemble a bloodied T-shirt stuffed in a mason jar, this delectable iron-scented candle is great for unwinding and definitely not in any way destruction of possible evidence.

4) Missing You

Sometimes when you are lonely and filled with completely legal regret, you need the comforting smell of better times – which, in this case, is chocolate, orange and requited love (in the form of verbena). This combination is best paired with Facebook stalking your ex with your friends until they ask if you are crying, to which you can simply reply: “it must be the hidden note of verbena!”

5) Still Very Very Guilty, Seriously How Am I Getting Away with This

This black and white striped candle is great for assuaging that late-night anxiety, and cloaks all scents that may remind you of what did, or didn’t, happen. Its heady mix provides the perfect backdrop to listening to Serial and sweating profusely.

6) Jasmine

A summery fragrance ideal for fresh starts and reminiscent of the Italian coast, where you are definitely not heading for a life in exile.

Ruby Martin is a comedian, cartoonist and writer who has been described as "hilarious", "otherworldly" and "having an extraordinary collection of facial expressions". She once had a tweet liked by Rob Delaney, so that's something.