Jagged Thoughts #41: The Loving Heart of Lisa

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I was holding down nothing.
I was living in a little hole in the wall apartment.
I was alone most of the time.
I had crazy anxiety, and I had never seen the world.
I was legit afraid of the world.
I felt like I had lived in a cave my whole life, and then I met Lisa.

I met Lisa, while I was holding down a job at Barnes and Noble. I was only given the
job because, when on the application under “Why would you like to work here?” I
wrote “because a poet must find solace somewhere.” The truth was I really liked
reading, and writing and that was what I found the most comfort. They gave me the
job, to work temporarily through the holidays. I was lucky to work there, and I
think the only reason I did get that temp position, was because I wrote that line. Otherwise my stunning career as a pizza delivery boy would probably have been
my alternative, as I fell back to that every time I would get out of the hospital.

If I never wrote on my job application “a poet must find solace somewhere” then I
would have never been hired to work at Barnes and Nobel, and wouldn’t ever have
met Lisa.

Lisa and I met in the workroom. I was trying to figure out how to punch in. She was
in the room, I asked her as she looked like a nice person to help me punch in. She
helped me. She had pretty glasses, and beautiful eyes, a stunning beauty. She had a
warm disposition about her. She told me she was leaving to move to L.A in a week.

We forged a really quick relationship. We spent time together in coffee shops, and
would talk for hours about the music we liked, and where she spent her time in
college. She had went to Emerson, and spent a semester overseas. She also had
interned at Epitaph Records, and was huge into punk rock music. I found her to be a
really cool, nice, warm, and easy to talk to girl. She had her head on straight, she
seemed to balance my crazy. And I liked that, a lot.

One of the last days Lisa and I spent together before her move to L.A, was in
Providence, that was the day I first told her that I thought I loved her. It was so
quick, it was such a manic romance. But it was really quite beautiful. I really liked
her a lot, she was all the parts of humanity that I had lacked for so long. She literally
was the medicine that made me wake up to the world around me. It felt good,
knowing that she loved me, and cared for me so deeply.

Soon she left for L.A. I believe my heart left with her. While Lisa, was gone, I
continued my sad life back home, it was empty, and disastrous. We would talk
sometimes, and it seemed like she had left for good. My life continued on, and I
finally realized that I wasn’t happy, and was actually pretty lost with where I was.
We had written letters to each other, and she had told me that she wasn’t happy and
wanted to come home. I was elated, I was done with my old life. I was done feeling
lost. We talked, and I said I would fly out there, and bring her home. And that is
exactly what I did.

The coolest moment of my life then was when I saw her for the first time at
the baggage claim. She seemed so happy, she was so happy. She looked beautiful,
and that warmth came back to me, like waves, waves of happiness.

That was ten years ago. Since then we have had our ups and downs, and our laughs
and cries. We have had heartbreaks, and sadness, and uncontrollable joy. Lisa is
my best friend, and it doesn’t feel like we ever were even apart. Does that mean she
is my soul mate? Yes. Does she disagree with me about things, and we do not always
see eye to eye? Yes. But at the end of the night, I always come home to Lisa, and I
sleep next to her in our warm bed, with pictures and memories all around us.
Honestly, we just click. She has made me see the world, and has opened me up to all
kinds of growth. She has made me the better person. And that is why I love her.
Deeply.

I truly need her love. I just want to see her be happy. She deserves the world, and I
want to give it to her. Without Lisa, I wouldn’t have met all the wonderful people in
my life, her family is incredible and our friends are amazing. Her brother is one of
my groomsmen, with good reason, because he is an incredible person. Her whole
family is warm and inviting, they are just really good people. Her mom, is an angel,
I swear. I see where Lisa gets her good nature from. Her dad, is a hard working
and caring dad, and can that man grill. Whenever I am around Lisa and her family, I feel
such a sense of comfort.

I am happy to be part of their family. So that is why I am marrying Lisa Berube.
Cause she is an amazing, wonderfully caring, incredibly patient, loving and forgiving
part of me. She is not only my love, and my lasting life.
Sometimes it takes just a line on a job application to find everlasting happiness, I
truly found who I am, and who I belong with. I have found where I find my solace,
and it is in the loving heart of Lisa.

Jason Wright is the founder and Editor of Oddball Magazine. His column appears weekly. The wedding’s this Saturday, folks.