Wednesday, 12 February 2014

You travel alone?

One of the great joys of travelling is meeting other people. Conversations generally begin with, 'Where are you from?' It's a world-wide opening that really means, 'Let's find out more about each other.'

But, for a solo traveller, it's often followed by, 'You travel alone?'

I enjoy travelling alone. I meet great people that way, and find myself in unexpected and wonderful places. (Ok, sometimes I make mistakes, but that's not a direct consequence of being on my own.) I'm very happy to talk about the excitements and struggles of travelling alone, and to contribute an anecdote or two to any travelling chatter.

Yet what this question really means is, 'Why do you travel alone?'; which, in turn, means, 'Why don't you have a friend or partner who wants to travel with you?'

I make no secret of being widowed. It's no mystery. It's not shameful. It's not what I would have chosen, of course, but it's the card I was dealt. I deal with it.

Generally I manage a brief resumé that reassures my new companion - I am not alone because I am a witch, nor because I smell. I have a patter that moves our conversation on to travel topics, where we've been or long to go, and unexpected joys we've found along the way.

But sometimes I don't feel so charitable. While my mouth prepares the usual spiel, my head is saying, 'Mind your own business. I travel alone - you got a problem with that?' Which is, of course, unkind and unnecessary and would prove I am the witch they think I might be. Travellers ask personal questions very quickly - we know we have a limited time, and conversations are precious, not to be wasted on talk of the weather (unless you're stranded in Somerset, that is). I just wish they could come up with something more original, or less intrusive.

All this is not very generous of me - and, were I ever to have said what I was thinking I'd have missed out on some of the most wonderful people. I just wish there were a different preamble that meant I didn't have to justify travelling alone before we can get down to the serious business of buying a beer.

Trish Nicholson has had problems commenting here, so this comment has come via my email address:

Hi Jo, strangely enough I have rarely been asked that question, and when I have, my answer is: “Oh yes! Much more adventure.” I think, though, that the question is not necessarily negative but usually contains hidden admiration for the solo traveller. And I’ve met many ‘couples’ travelling, at least one of whom would dearly love to be travelling alone! :)

Funny, isn't it? I have never felt the need to ask that question. I came across people who travelled around Cuba on their own but I always accepted their no-companion status. I do know that some of my mates were always surprised to see foreign women (and it was always with the women they had a problem!) travelling on their own. I think they put it down to some sort of western eccentricity. Then, again, travelling alone is a choice people make. I'm just glad people have that option, if you catch my drift. :-)

As a frequent lone traveller myself, I must say I've never been asked that. Perhaps I look like the sort who wants to be alone. Odd that. I find people are generally more inclined to make contact and be friendly as well, so I like it too.

I've actually never asked anyone why they travel alone as I think it's quite rude. I met a lady on a boat trip in Turkey and we started talking,she had lost her husband and had always came to Turkey with him,this was her first trip on her own. I was in tears later probably because I thought, she could be me. I have never travelled alone but if I need to I hope I would be like you Jo and find the courage.