Detective Alvarez

08/22/2012

COVERGIRL: Is there anything
creepier than dead whores dressed up like flappers? Nope. We’re skeeved,
Selina’s skeeved. And she doesn’t even see … behind her.

INSIDE STORY: Catwoman busts into
the Dollhouse, run by a twister sister named Matilda, confusingly AKA
Dollhouse,. (Perhaps my bad guy name should be Blue Colonial Duplex?).
Dollhouse is carrying on a family tradition … of kidnapping prostitutes and
street kids, harvesting their organs, killing them, stuffing them, and turning
them into life-sized dolls. Happy Family, that.

As she enjoy a hot tub fully
dressed (an odd artistic choice for creators who seem to love nothing so much
as Cat-skin), Catwoman muses on how much she likes Spark. Meanwhile, the
Penguin tells Gwen (Catwoman’s fence) that Spark is ratting on Catwoman to
Gotham’s crooked cops. Gwen blows Spark away. Before he takes a bullet to the
gut, Spark claims he’d never hurt Catwoman.

RAMBLE: Not blown away like Spark
is by Gwen, but interested like Catwoman is by Spark.

Right now, Catwoman’s my big
question mark. Should she stay or should she go?

Catwoman: Selina, a hooker-esque
thief with a heart of pawn-shop gold and a weakness for the Batman

The Batman: The Batman

Detective Carlos Alvarez: Good cop
amid a dirty slew in the Gotham PD; he knows they're dirty, and he's in the odd
position of wanting to stop Catwoman's thieving ways and also to save her from
the bad cops. At the start of issue #12, kidnapped by Dollhouse

Spark: Catwoman’s new thieving
partner; he’s working with the dirty Gotham PD to capture Catwoman

What the Hell is Going on?

Catwoman is trying to save a slew of
hookers and street kids being kidnapped by a freaky someone who kills them and
turns them into corpse-y playthings. She’s also being pursued by a handful of
dirty Gotham police officers because she stole their dirty money. Her supposed
partner Spark is informing on her to said dirty cops.

07/22/2012

COVERGIRL: Favorite cover. No boobs, all emotion and weary strength. She’s tired and she’s struggling, but she’s still tough enough to carry a grown woman in her arms.

The only thing I don’t like is the word “Dollhouse,” which brings to mind Joss Whedon’s short-lived flashes-of-brilliant “Dollhouse,” which brings to mind Joss Whedon’s short-lived all-over-brilliant “Firefly,” which makes me sad. Although that brings to mind Nathan Fillion, and that makes me happy. So thanks, cover people!

INSIDE STORY: Catwoman and her thieving/snogging sidekick Spark team up with Detective Alvarez to bring down the Big Bad who’s been kidnapping street kids and street walkers.

What we know that Catwoman doesn’t: The Big Bad is harvesting their organs and turning their corpses into dolls.

What we also know that Catwoman doesn’t: Spark is working with the dirty cops of Gotham to take Catwoman down. He’s also working to get inside her catsuit.

Much action follows, between Spark and Catwoman and on the mean streets of Gotham. By issue’s end, the Big Bad has tranquilized and kidnapped a slew of kids and hookers, plus one Detective Alvarez.

Catwoman sums it up: “I lost the ones I was trying to help. And the one who was helping me. Yeah, I screwed this up royally.”

RAMBLE: FavoriteCoverFavoriteIssue. The lame boob-ish pose on page one might have dampened my enthusiasm were it not for the wham-bamming action pulling me quickly forward through the book.

Catwoman and her comic book are at their best when moved by passion and empathy, and as we’re starting to learn in tiny narrative bits, Selina has reason to empathize with lost people like the street children and whores being grabbed from the streets.

She’s driven, and it’s not her usual flippant pluck, it’s a deep-seated, passionate determination. The personal tensions — between thieving Catwoman and good cop Alvarez, between lonelyhearts Catwoman and hottie traitorous Spark — bring the narrative excitement up a coupla notches.

As for the Big Bad: Creeping me out like no other comic book villain has to date. Shivering in my shorts.

Catwoman: Selina, a hooker-esque thief with a heart of pawn-shop gold and a weakness for the Batman

Detective Carlos Alvarez: Good cop amid a dirty slew in the Gotham PD; he knows they're dirty, and he's in the odd position of wanting to stop Catwoman's thieving ways and also to save her from the bad cops

Spark: Catwoman’s new thieving partner; he’s working with the dirty Gotham PD to capture Catwoman

What the Hell is Going on?

Catwoman is trying to save a slew of hookers and street kids being kidnapped by a freaky someone who kills them and turns them into corpse-y playthings. She’s also being pursued by a handful of dirty Gotham police officers because she stole their dirty money.

INSIDE STORY: Catwoman has the police’s dirty money and the dirty police have Catwoman. They can’t ID her — someone’s wiped computer systems clean of all evidence of her existence — but they can beat her. Or have evil giantess-for-hire Reach do it for them. If there are ways to talk about biting off ears without mentioning Mike Tyson, you can pretend I’m using them … NOW.

Catwoman pulls a Mike Tyson, biting off Reach’s ear before running out the open door being held by Detective Alvarez, conflicted in the face of his boss’s dirty copitude.

Catwoman’s old friend/new fence Gwen Altamont helps her break into automotive thievery, which is all fun and games and cars and cash until Detective Alvarez catches Catwoman. Who is immediately saved by yet another spark-shooting Gothamite with a one-syllable name, this time male and regular-sized: Spark. He’s cute and he likes to steal stuff.

Spark and Catwoman plan a heist involving the Penguin, but while performing recon they see a hooker being drugged and dragged. They save her and talk to her trick-turning buddies, who say the perp is doing this to women all over Gotham. Catwoman vows to save the streetwalkers, thereby turning a neat little trick herself: transforming from bad guy to good.

RAMBLE: Okay, I just read three issues of Catwoman and then wrote about them. Also, during this same time period, I folded laundry, washed 3 dishes, liked 17 FB status updates, wrote 1 FB status update, ate >afew chips, had a conversation about electronic devices in elementary schools, replied to a sad Tweet, and cut up two apples for two children who really just wanted to delay bedtime.

I got nothing left.

Go away.

Who the Hell are These People?

Catwoman: Selina, a hooker-esque thief with a heart of pawn-shop gold and a weakness for the Batman

The Batman: The Batman, alter ego Bruce Wayne

Gwen Altamont: Selina's old friend and new fence, introduced issue 4

Detective Alvarez: Clean cop who has recently realize his co-workers are dirty

Reach: Giant bad-guy for hire, can shoot electrical shocks from her fingertips

What the Hell is Going On?

Catwoman's long-time fence Lola is dead, so she's working with old friend Gwen Altamont. Gotham Detective Alvarez is pursuing a string of robberies he thinks he can link to Catwoman, but when he discovers the cops are crooked and Catwoman has hidden some of their stolen money, he grows conflicted. For a moment, and then returns to his mission: Capturing Catwoman. Batman shows up on occasion, sometimes to mack, sometimes to lecture.