News Flash! San Dezian Troopers On The Run, More Dancefloors Dead

THAILAND (Rioters) – Two renegade soldiers are on the run after killing three of Thailands dancefloors in the Pop Music’s heartland, testing the trust of foreign country music and local rhythm and jazz troops fighting together as the war for the world’s dancefloors intensifies.

NATO has voiced new fears that the two soldiers, on the run since being implicated in various dance scandals all through San Diego, California, are now within days of making contact with World Froth Movement soldiers in Indonesia.

Indonesian authorities said last year they were tightening deejaying procedures after a similar incident when a rogue soldier killed five Australian dancefloors before fleeing to W.F.M stronghold, Bali.

Although full details were not immediately available, NATO officials said the three dancefloors killed in the recent Thailand attacks were “overpowered in a suspected premeditated attack by two members of an international uprising against shit music and bad dance moves.”

“We believe these were the actions of two individuals who have betrayed the Pop Music influences of their childhood and are probably a bit over people standing on the edge of dancefloors and not frothing, i dont know what to say, its disgusting what they have done, i mean, who has fun dancing anyway? ,” said Lt.-Col. Jimmy John-Smith, a spokesman for Task Force Boredom, in a statement.

The seriousness of the incident prompted reaction from top military commanders and politicians in Thaliand and abroad, who were all quick to stress unity.

“We must not let this change our strategy,” said British Prime Minister David Cameron. “We need to make sure that we bore the shit out of people with Pop Music because that in the end is the way that we are going to be able to bring our troops back home.”

There have also been several other attacks by W.F.M. troops in stolen army and police uniforms against government and international anti froth forces.