According to a group called Open the Books—whose partial mission statement seems to include counting turds on city sidewalks—the following are statistical facts regarding the Shitty Streets of San Francisco....

6,676 unexpected human turds have been reported this year already....

There were 13 reports of human waste in front of City Hall; 17 at the U.S. Marshals office; and 67 at the Tenderloin police station on Eddy Street. These public defecators do not lack for moxie....

Open the Books also maintains an interactive Turd Map that plots the tens of thousands of reported open-air human poopings with little brown pin points....

If you’re wondering why city officials simply don’t tuck the homeless away where they can’t be seen, it’s likely because San Francisco’s incredibly cloistered and soft elites adhere to an ideology that forces them to make a public display of “tolerance,” which is why it’s considered bad cricket to complain about seeing homeless people jabbing needles into their own necks and using tree trunks as toilet paper....

Last year, the city formed a “Poop Patrol” to tackle the crisis. Comprised of five workers who each earn $184,000 yearly in salary and benefits, they enjoy the dubious honor of being the city’s first-response squad whenever anyone reports seeing human feces on the streets....

Developers have also produced a phone app called SnapCrap that allows users to point, click, and officially report all instances of sidewalk shittery....

Holy Shit! Did an article for the Onion get posted on the wrong web site? A SnapCrap app? Poop Patrol? At nearly $1 million a year? "Unexpected human turds"? As opposed to expected human turds?

And the best part by far is that the idiot liberals who live there are actually proud of the fact that they live in a city buried in human shit because it makes them woke. I'd think one of the wealthiest (if not the wealthiest) cities in the wealthiest nation in human history could do better. I guess not.

Sorry guys; I'd rather be a racist/sexist/fascist/misogynist deplorable with clean streets.