So long 2013, thanks for all the poop!

It’s not quite the end of the year, but I’m closing the category. 2013 was the year of potty training, a year when poop had to leave the comfy confines of the disposable diaper and make its way out there in the world. And what a way it was. We started potty training C a few weeks before his 3rd birthday, knowing that he’d have to be fully trained for pre-school. We figured 8 months would be plenty of time. It wasn’t.

Here then are the Top 10 Poops from 2013:

10. That time in the playground when I realize C’s been quiet for just a little too long, so I look over, and he’s got That look on his face, the one that means “it’s coming and I can’t stop it!” He grabs his bottom just as I grab him and race toward the public bathroom.

9. Over the summer, when a little girl, about 4 or 5 years old, was running through the fountains in her swimsuit, with all the other children in their swimsuits, and before anyone knew what was happening, the kids abandoned her in the fountain, left her there under the spray, until her father realized what was up. He went over, pulled off her drawers, and cleaned her up under the fountain. She was so ashamed that she sat on a bench, wrapped in a towel, until it was time to go home. All the kids stayed out of the newly named “poop fountain” for the rest of the day.

8. The time C didn’t want to nap when his dad put him down for a nap. So he pooped in his pants and yelled “dad, I poooo-ooooped!” Then his dad let him watch a show while he cleaned up the bedroom.

7. The first time C pooped in his pants at school. It was early in the semester. We hoped it was a fluke.

6. It wasn’t. It happened again. He kept it a secret. He didn’t want his teachers to know. So at nap, he laid on his mat, and pooped. He revealed himself, however, because he didn’t like how it felt, and asked to be cleaned up. We picked him up early for this one.

5. The pooping in the pants at school incidents made me so nervous about it, that I got obsessed with making sure C pooped before school, either the day before, or the morning of. He doesn’t always poop every day, despite the amount of fiber in his diet, so this always seemed a little, er, forceful, and maniacal. I let him eat a multitude of dried apricots. He likes them. Then he pooped all night. And all morning. And had to stay home from school, because the deluge just wouldn’t stop.

4. “Hey look, there’s corn in my poop. Should I get it?” Um no.

3. After a big sneeze, with boogers going everywhere:
C: there’s poop in my mouth!
Me: It’s just boogers hon, let’s get you a tissue.

2. The last time C pooped in his pants at school. He told his teacher he had to go, so she sent him off to the bathroom with a bathroom buddy. She watched them walk the 10 steps down the hall, and C was holding his bottom the whole way. She knew something was wrong. When she told me about it, she said “he must be coming down with something, because he never does that.”

1. Standing next to the Christmas tree, playing with his presents. I notice he’s a little too quiet. I look over, and he’s got that look on his face. He sees me see, and says “hurry!” We rush to the bathroom, plop him on the toilet. “We made it!” he says, “I knew I had to go!”