My five wishes

1. Health Care Representative As long as I am still aware of what’s happening around me, I would prefer to decide myself. But in the event that I can no longer do it and my parents are still alive, I want them to decide for me. They looked after me and watched me grow from the very first wink of the eye until that day that I become incapacitated to discharge my responsibilities. I want my father to confront the situation alone although the decision be made by both of them. I don’t want my mom to experience the trauma that she once had during my birth. They know what would be the best thing to do regarding my condition. They loved me unconditionally. In case I was able to marry, I want him to decide together with my parents, again if they are still living. Because he loves me , I know he would be able to discharge a decision of the greatest good not only for me but also for the whole family. If I did not marry, I want Sarah Ortiz to take the responsibility of giving consent. She knew me very well and I believe she would consider my feelings about a situation of that kind. She had been with me through ebbs and flows, accepted me for who I really am, and shared most her time listening to every story I have. This way I know that someone I trust would carry out this task no matter how difficult.

2. Living Will In case of terminal condition, I want my father to be the first one to know. This way he would be the source of strength for my mother and siblings as he had always been. If there is a need for blood transfusion, I would accept only from my family and closest friends. However, if it is the only means to be saved, I would take it provided that the donor is healthy and that he donated out of sympathy. Surely, Serines Virian Decano is a doctor by then. I want her to be one of my doctors. That way I know I am in good hands so do my family. By having a close friend to attend to my needs is an assurance that she would do everything to the best of her ability to help me through my situation. I would fight for my life as long as I could. I don’t want any life support system to revive me at my dying moment. If it is known to Dr. S. Decano and other doctors that life support system would not give me the luxury to have a normal life again, then I do not agree to be subjected to it. I don’t want to experience the pain of intubation that my grandmother suffered at her deathbed. If I were to leave my temporal life, I want to have it without any machine beside me. If my family would incur debts and be forced to sell everything we have, I would rather wait for my time. I don’t want them to sacrifice too much because it adds to the pain I would feel by then. If my organs are still okay and functional, I would be willing to donate them. My family should be given priority to have them if there is a need, but if there aren’t any, I want those to be given not related to me. I still want to be of help. If nothing can be done to make me live a normal life again, I want to die at home. 3. How comfortable I would want to be I don’t want to see any signs of the hospital nor its smell. I want soft pillows and blanket. I cannot sleep without a blanket. I want to be as presentable as before, of course I don’t want to look sick. At least through it, I would forget for a moment that I am sick. But I don’t want the kind of comfort that would make me feel like the hospital is my new home. I want my bed sheet to be changed every now and then. I’d want a fully decorated room with fresh flowers and balloons. It would make me realize how beautiful it is to wake up every morning and through that hope would always fill my heart. 4. How I would want to be treated I want to be treated just like the old times. I want my family to do things we used to do. I want updates regarding our business. News about any bankruptcy because of my condition would make me feel ill but I don’t want it to be hidden from me. I don’t want any of them to be tied up with my state of health and suffer because they should take care of me. I don’t want to be a burden. They should go on with their lives and treat me as if I am not sick. I would love to receive “get well soon” messages through flowers and balloons and fruits as well. My friends should not make me feel helpless. I want them to share stories, laugh and cry with me. The kind of bonding we had before. I don’t want dull moments. I am a person of stories that’s why. During the night, I want to have some time alone and if possible with a priest. I want to reflect on my spirituality.5. What I want my family to know and my last wishes I want my parents, Mr. Luciano and Mrs. Leonora Pilarta, that I am so blessed to have them as parents. I would not trade them for anything. I want them to know that I still want to be raised the way they did. All the love and effort they have shown me and made me feel are embedded deep in my heart. There are no words to express how grateful I am for having them. I am not that expressive but I want to tell them that I always whisper I love you every night. I am just too much of a cry baby that’s why I don’t say it directly to them. I want to say sorry for all the negligence as well to the things I did which hurt them outright or silently. To my brother and sister, I want to tell them I love them so much that I prefer to make them feel it instead of saying it. If in case they were not able to feel it, I am sure deep in their hearts that they know it. I want everyone to be happy even though I am no longer here. I don’t want them to feel sorry for me. I want everyone to go on with their lives and never to cry everytime they remember me. I want a smile painted in everyone’s faces everytime they reminisce. I want the little pieces of papers, resto tissues and movie tickets Sarah and I collects be given to her. I wish to be cremated. I cannot imagine my body slowly decaying. I wish my ashes to be thrown somewhere. But for the benefit of those who want to visit me, it should be placed in a sanctuary but if it would be costly I would rather choose my ashes to be in a room in the house. I wish to receive flowers. Lots of flowers. I wish Sarah to have a last glimpse of me or at least stand in front of my casket.