Pages

10.20.2014

Fears #Blogtober14 day 20

Hola peeps. It's another Monday, which means the beginning of another work week, whomp whomp. However, I am off work for the next few days and headed to Southern California with Mr. B. He has an optical managers training/seminar in Newport Beach, and invited me to come along. I'm very much looking forward to a few days away without an agenda.

Today's #Blogtober14 prompt is your biggest fears.

Getting deep with this one.

When I was a little kid, I had a recurring nightmare about a swarm of rats killing my family by eating us alive. ever since, I've had a huge fear of rats.

When I hit about middle school, I developed a new fear: I didn't want to die and have everyone forget about me. So I developed a goal to become famous for something positive. In my 13 year old brain, that would inevitably be acting, because even then I still wanted to be a movie star or something.

When I met Billy, everything else suddenly paled in comparison. Here was the man I would marry, my best friend, the guy I couldn't see living without. Now my fear is losing him. I could face any of life's obstacles with him by my side. I know he would protect me from as much of life as he can, and would do anything to make sure my fears were never realized. However, there are so many unknowns that could come into play that would remove the one thing I need the most. A car accident. A heart attack. A disgruntled customer with a vengeful spirit. All of these things, and more, are capable of at any time removing my happiness, causing me the most pain I could imagine, and changing my entire life in a split second. I try not to think of living a life without Billy in it, but occasionally those fears creep into my mind and lay waste to the rainbows and butterflies.