a collection of what makes up our life here in this part of the world...
seeking balance, being present, living life, celebrating learning, capturing memories, being me

10/09/2016

In the fall of 2005, my PhD story began. I had been invited to begin my doctoral studies at UBC and spent the first year of my program teaching kindergarten in the morning and heading out to UBC in the afternoons. The first two years of the program was full of classes and seminars with a wonderful cohort of other PhD students. During these two years there was also fellowship and grant writing, presenting at academic research conferences and preparing for my comprehensive exams and completing my research proposal. I was fortunate to receive a UGF and a SSHRC fellowship. I loved the beginning of my program - the classes, the reading the discussions. I passed my comp exams and went through the ethics board with my research proposal and did my study and data collection in 2009. I was a PhD candidate.

It was after my data collection that things kind of stalled for me. I entered the PhD program because I enjoy learning and it seemed like the next step after I had defended my MA thesis back in 1996 (while pregnant with Adam). I never intended to enter academia formally so the motivation to complete for me was limited. I was absorbed in my family and work life and the reality was, the data analysis and writing of my dissertation was something that happened in bursts of time and off the side of my desk so to speak. I kept trying...and getting extensions.

The fall and winter of 2013 was a difficult time - our house flooded, I had a frozen shoulder and then tragedy struck our family and my mother passed away unexpectedly. I was granted a one year leave of absence from my program. It was hard to come back after distancing myself both physically and mentally. I decided I wanted to complete the program and with the support of my family, friends and committee, tried to find ways to get engaged with my data again. I had written a complete dissertation a few times and it had never been enough. I knew this past summer was my likely my last go at it, even though UBC seemed to keep granting me extensions. The boys were busy with their own lives - both work and socially so I was able to completely immerse myself in my data analysis and writing this summer. I spent most of the summer reading, thinking and writing.

Most of my days and evenings looked like this...

There were deadlines set and not met. There were committee meetings. There were tears. I kept trying. There were moments of excitement as I made connections and thought about new things. All the writing I submitted was getting closer to where it needed to be but was still not quite there. I was almost at the end...in the big picture, probably at 95% but ultimately, time just ran out. I was called out to a meeting with my committee on September 23 and was advised I was just not going to be abel to do all that needed to be done by the end of the month, which was apparently, for the first time in a program, a final deadline. The university would not give me any more time and the dissertation wasn't where it needed to be for external examination before defense.

During that meeting I actually paused at one point and said WOW. This was really what it had come to and I was a bit shocked. After ten years, the story was over. I walked to my car and sat in the parkade for about a half hour crying, full-body sobbing actually. What had just happened?

In the next week, a formal email had to be written and I went through the motions of telling my family and a few friends and colleagues. It all seemed surreal. I was heartbroken and devastated and then angry and then sad. I am still feeling like I let down my husband and sons, who have been such a big part of this story and have provided me with endless support. And my mom...who I promised I would finish.

In the end, I won't walk across the stage with a pouffy hat and be able to put those three letters after my name. Technically I do have three letters I can claim - ABD (all but dissertation). A decade of my life will always been known as those PhD years.

I wanted to complete my PhD, but I wanted to do it on my own terms - not sacrificing a family life, travel, a work-life balance and my career. I really thought I could do it. I made choices both personal and professional that ended up contributing to me not completing and I can absolutely live with those choices. I am so glad I went to the boys' soccer and hockey games, fencing competitions, grad events and that we had so many special family vacations and times being together.

There have been some life events these last few weeks that have helped me gain perspective. A friend lost her 52 year old husband after only being diagnosed with brain cancer at the end of July, another friend is making a significant life change, a treasured mentor and colleague passed away from early onset Alzheimers at too young an age and my grandmother's and mother's minister for decades also passed away.

In the big picture, I have my marriage, my wonderful sons who have become amazing young men, my health, my family and friends and a career that I love. So amidst the stormy skies this month, the light has shone through.

10/08/2016

We celebrated the beginning of September and the end of summer holidays with a family-focused long weekend at home - family selfie in the backyard.

I have always wanted to try a potter's wheel - 4Cats in Steveston was offering an evening intro session and I gave it a go. My bowl is a little wonky - it's much harder than it looks!

The traditional back to school photos...Adam's first day of Sauder for his second year at UBC and Colin's first day of his last year in the K-12 public school system. Grade 12 is a big year - full of events, mark-related stress and uncertainty about the future. It should be a joyful year and we are trying to stay focused on that! Neil is back as principal at McMath for another year and I am continuing to work at the school board office as a K-12 teacher consultant for our school district - lots going on in the education world this fall, exciting times.

September skies are some of my favourites - earlier sunsets, often tumultuous clouds over the ocean - lots of walking and time outside this September...even in times of change and loss, there is so much to be thankful for.

So the beginning of August always triggers the feelings of half-way - half-way through summer holidays, half-way through the time I have to do my always long summer to do list. The countdown to September always begins even if I try to push those thoughts aside. Summer changes as your children get older - they have their own commitments and schedules - both social and work-related. Time together as a family of four is so appreciated, whether it be a dinner together or time chatting, getting caught up as we all mingle in the kitchen together.

There was a lot of watching of the Olympics in August. Such inspirational stories. We also visited local festivals - Maritime Festival, Garlic Festival etc and had our own little Smores Day festival in the backyard.

Adam worked two different jobs at London Drugs and went camping with his high school friends.

Colin worked as a sushi chef at both Ichiro and Takeya. He also volunteered on the medical team for the Ride to Conquer Cancer and spent the last weekend in August supporting cyclists on the route and at the campsite in Washington overnight.

Neil and I walked a lot - incubating eggs and catching Pokemon ;) I also started yoga - in part to build up more flexibility and strength in my healing shoulder and also just to push myself to do something new. Lots of walks along the water and summer sunsets were enjoyed.

And I gave it one last go (I keep saying that...) to try and get my dissertation to the standard it needs to be to move on to external examination. Lots of very long summer days spent in front of the computer, again.

Almost daily during August, I viewed my Timehop app wistfully...dreaming of the Oregon Coast. This is the first year since the boys were toddlers that we haven't made our annual summer trip to the coast.

I have always cherished our long summer road trips together as a family whether to Oregon, across the northwest or different parts of BC and Alberta. As the boys get older and things change, I think I cherish the memories of those trips even more. Lots of recollections about the audio books we listened to during long driving days, the amazing scenic stops, the adventures we had, the camping, the yurting and the variety of places we have visited. I am thankful we invested in that time together as a family - those trips will always remind me of tremendous feelings of connectedness and thankfulness.

I will always have a special fondness for summers - a time full of family, stories and memories.

08/04/2016

As always we bring in July with Canada Day celebrations in Steveston - the boys headed off to spend the day with their friends and Neil and I went to the Salmon Festival for lunch and then down to the Tall Ships Festival.

We had a short weekend visit with my sisters and the boys' cousins (just missing Emma this year) up in Kelowna. Dock dives, playing cards, boating, paddle boarding, swimming, hot tubbing and just hanging out with each other.

Along with working at London Drugs this summer, Adam worked up the Pemberton Music Festival with a group of his friends. They originally signed up to volunteer but got bumped up to paid employment. A great way to get a pass, a site and your food paid for along with a paycheque! He had a great time and is already talking about doing it again next year.

Colin took almost three weeks of Pre-Calculus 12 in summer school before he withdrew. He has also been juggling his two jobs at Takeya and Ichiro and has settled into a calmer summer routine now without all the homework and studying - swimming, biking, hanging out with friends and reading. I often come downstairs in the morning to find creations from his practicing his knife skills such as this mango cube.

Neil took his dad down to Reno for a short trip as per summer tradition and then at the end of the month did a four day bike trip to and from Seattle. Yes, everyone asks - he likes doing this by himself.

I caught a Staryu!

And yes, we have all downloaded Pokemon Go. Our boys used to have DSes when they were younger and the hockey crowd got them into Pokemon so for them, it's bringing back lots of childhood memories. The technology is amazing to me and I just have it on when I go out for walks and I happen across Pokemon and then I catch them. I like how local landmarks are all included on the map and you can click on them for more info. That's all, it's fun, no battles for me. I like how it is getting so many families and young people outside and in their community. From what I have seen, it is actually very social and in my mind, better than staying at home on the couch and playing video games or watching Netflix. And way better than many of the other things young people might be doing in their evenings.

One of the highlights of July for me was heading to the Orpheum to watch Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, accompanied by the VSO. We all loved it and are looking forward to the next one. And then the release of the new Harry Potter book was a great way to end the month!

While everyone else has been off summering, I have been sticking pretty close to home, reading, writing, lots of time in front of the computer - studenting, yes, again. The story that never ends.

I am thankful for Neil and the boys and their tireless support. I am thankful for where we live and the walks I can take to escape or think. I am thankful for a backyard respite and for time. And diet coke.

07/27/2016

07/01/2016

June is alway a whirlwind. Work is always surprisingly busy, not the "winding down" that some might think it is. We don't see Neil much...his days are long and full with grad and other year end events. Fortunately, with the boys busy work schedules, we were able to carve out a couple of hours to celebrate Fathers' Day!

Adam continued to work at London Drugs this month and has spend some time with his old group of high school friends now that they are all back in town for the summer. He has been building his own computer and has also decided to change faculties at UBC this fall, accepting a transfer into a Bachelor of Commerce program at Sauder.

Colin had a MRI at the beginning of June and luckily he does not have to have surgery for his shoulder injury, just back for more physio. He is still battling concussion symptoms and is missing being involved in his sports. Colin wrapped up his grade 11 year strong - a major service award at his high school's awards night and honour roll. He studied hard for his finals and has enjoyed the end of June with friends before he starts summer school next week.

I travelled for work a lot this month- to Victoria, Portland and Washington, DC/Virginia. All great experiences.

And the garden is so green and lush right now. A lovely retreat.

And on to summer...a stay at home summer for us with summer school, work and writing. But what a wonderful place we live in to have a stay at home summer!

06/29/2016

06/05/2016

This May, I took part in the 30x30 challenge from the David Suzuki Foundation - challenging people to spend 30 minutes outside every day of the 30 (31) days of May. I documented each day though Instagram- some days are very full and long with work but this challenge forced me to be creative. I actually took some lunch "breaks" to go for a walk outside or if I was at a conference or at meetings in another city, I found some local trails or parks to get myself outside to. Some days, it was all I could do to get myself into our backyard and water the garden or sit on the deck and continue my work...but at least I was outside! May was a beautiful month for this challenge and I was again reminded how fortunate we are to live where we live.

Mother's day...thank you boys.

Trips to Medicine Hat and Calgary for work and studies, back and forth across the Rockies.

And some culinary adventures...the #bakingbucketlist Hummingbird Cake

and a poaching broth ready for when I am came home with a bag of the elusive spot prawns...after an hour in line, I was not successful and settled for a big bag of regular shrimp from the docks.

Colin has been busy with his two jobs and school events - always up for a spirit day at school! Adam celebrated the end of exams with a camping trip to Alice Lake with a group of friends. Lots of planning went into this trip for Adam as he was only one of two of the eight who had been camping before. They had a great time.

Neil and I actually made it out for dinner one evening this month and had a lovely day out at Deer Lake Park on the long weekend. We both know that our schedules, particularly Neil's, ramp up mid-May through to the beginning of July so it was nice to have some time together!

05/02/2016

For my 50th birthday, my father-in-law and brother-in-law got me an amazing new suitcase. Loved "breaking it in" on my trip to San Francisco for a ginormous math education conference. We had one afternoon to explore the city a bit...Fisherman's wharf, cable car, a boat ride under the Golden Gate Bridge, sourdough from Boudin, a hot fudge sundae at Ghiradelli - all the touristy things.

Adam has been writing finals this month, and wrote his last one on the 28th. He's getting excited about a short camping trip with new UBC friends early in May. On April 2, he did his final driver's test and now does not need an "N" - another milestone.

Colin has been working at two different Japanese restaurants, got a straight-A report card and has been doing lots of cooking at home and working on his knife skills. He also finally got his official EMR card in the mail.

The weather for much of April here was almost summer-like. Lots of beautiful walks.

April in the garden always means the quince tree in bloom and the lovely bleeding hearts making a short appearance. The potatoes that I neglected to do a final harvest of last year seem to be growing as well - we'll see what happens with those!

On April 27th, I was honoured to attend our school district's 25 year recognition dinner, for those that have served our district for 25 years. It was lovely to see my very first principal and to celebrate with teachers I went to UBC with and who I started my career with, along with current friends and colleagues! It was a very special evening.

And my one second everyday video for April...

And May is off to an amazing start. A deadline met. Sunshine. Flowers in bloom. Yeah May!