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Messages By: smgrace

Suffolk County

hello everyone. I have been down the weight loss battle for about the past 7 years - up and down - after college, marriage and 2 pregnancies I have gained over 100 lbs in these past years. I am a complete emotional eater...bored, sad, stressed and anxious, does not matter. Today I looked in the mirror, got on the scale and realized how disgusted I am with myself and am at rock bottom and needed help. Picked up Dr. Phil's book and started reading and thought "Oh my god, this is me...". It is 1am here right now and it is late because my 2 year old does not want to go to sleep and my newborn is napping until her next feeding so I was reading but am too tired to continue tonight. I am hoping it is a start to a new life and a new way of thinking for me, but I could use a buddy who knows exactly what I am going through?? Anyone still out there???

Hang in there...

I have struggles with PPD for three and a half years now. After my first daughter was born, I was diagnosed with PPD. I took medications and was fine. It took me 10 months to get the courage to go to the doctor.

After my second daughter was born, I was back on the medication but it didn't work. They even doubled the dose. I have now been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (their births were both c-sections. There is more to the story but it is very long!). I have no idea how to get over this. I am trying! I have weeks where I can't do anything. I don't want to get out of bed. I am having suicidal thoughts but wouldn't actually do it (I don't think). I want to see my kids grow up. Thanks for listening!

I too have suffered from PPD after both my children were born. With both I had c-sections and bad recoveries with each surgery. At first my husband just thought "oh a few weeks and you'll snap out of it" but when I did not, and was depressed, wouldn't hold my firstborn, wouldn't eat (and I am an eater)...I went to seek help. I too am on medications and see a therapist every 2 weeks or so..maybe longer if I am feeling well. I also have a great support system around me now. Those who know what I struggle with, who are there to listen, help or even learn about it so they can help me out. It is a slow battle that does not just up and go away but it can be won!!

I agree that you should go to see a counselor. It is great to just get your feelings out in the open or to hear them out loud. Plus maybe join a local mom's group. We found one at meetup.com or yahoo.com in our local area and would meet with mom's once a week to let our kids play and discuss issues such as this. I hope it works out. You will get through it!

Payoff...

I agree with many of you as I just sat down and reread many of your posts. My pay off for being over weight is just a comfort level that I have w/ my husband. He loves me for me, and while that is great, he does not say anything when I shove that doughnut in my mouth. I am 30 and I have 2 very small children (2 years old and 2 months old) and after my second child, I put on the pounds like crazy and just can't seem to figure it all out. I started to read Dr. Phil's book. I had it for awhile, but like always, was too busy or did not make time for it, but now I have. I resovled to read a little each night, to get his words into my head, and then today I started a weight loss journal to type away on in my computer so whenever I feel the need to run and eat I am going to just write down why I feel that way. This is such a long hard battle, but if we use each other for support I think we can make it, no matter how long it may take!

I can realate..

In June of 2004 my husband of only 2 years had what I call an emotional affiar over the internet. We met in 1999 and had a great courtship of 2 years, our familes get along, no major relationship issues. One of his old hs friends who was upset by us dating constantly tried to interfere. He swore she was just his friend and that he always wanted to be with her in hs but once he met me out of college his life changed - that upset her and she tried to break us up. But he did not speak with her and stopped returning emails, letters etc...so I thought all was well.

Our married life was very stressful. We had our first child in December of 2003 , then in Jan of 2004 the best man in our wedding died ( my husband's best friend), then 6 months later his father died of stomach/liver cancer and I was attacked by a pit bull while walking our dog. Then after being in the hosiptal I came home, and went to turn on the computer to see a long IM message from my husband to this hs friend...first as I was reading it was flirty and I kept thinking to myself "why would he say things like that"...but then I kept reading and it got very sexual in nature and I could not believe it. When he got in from work - he already knew I was upset b/c a mutual friend told him so - so he was trying to explain it but could not. He kept saying "it is just something we have done all the time"...I don't know about you, but if I spoke to any of my male friends in a sexual nature on IM and he found out , he would flip out. For a long time I thought, god what did I do wrong, But i know it is not me. Then I tought things would get better if we could just go to counseling , but he went 2 times and felt it was a waste of time and that all the therapists gang up on him...so he stopped going. Things improved for a while..then we lost our home b/c our daughter was sick and I had to stop working...and we reloaced into my MIIL's house for a while, which was stressful enough. Then we finally got back on our own in an apartment and we found out we were pregnant again. This time things were so good, I thought finally the stress has died down, we can work on us, etc...oh no. The next day he gets IM's from this HS girl...I totally freaked on him. He said she contacts him and he does not contact her, but I don't believe it. So we are in our apartment then his mom annouces that she has stage 4 breast cancer...it was shock. We went through 8 months of hell with her chemo and surgery and my life stopped b/c it was always about my husbands family. I have so much resentment for him because of how things have played out. I know I am partly responsible and I accept that. But the fact that I gave up everything to make our life and family great and he does not acknowledge that, is so bothersome. And most recently I have asked him for a seperation because I just don't feel anything anymore. Between, the sexual IM's and all the other stress, I am numb. I am only 30 and I do not want to live the next 10 years in a marrige of convienence. I am full time mom by day and gave up my career to take care of my kids and work at night as a chasier b/c we can't afford full time care...it is just so hard. Do you stay in your marriage due to finances? The kids? Or to try to work it out? How do you know if there is still hope? I told my husband that he is a great father - I don't doubt that..he always takes care of his kids no matter what.. and we are friends and dont really fight...but I am just not in love with him....he said he wants to work it out and try to get back on track but I don't know if the damage is already done??