5 Things I Had to Let Go Of to Be a Better Mom

Nicole Fabian-Weber

About the Author

Nicole Fabian-Weber is the mama to a preschooler girl and toddler boy. She lives outside of New York City and writes for various websites.

About the Blog

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Kristen Curette Hines/Stocksy

Before my son was born, my husband and I had a good thing. Our little girl was, as far as toddlers go, pretty well-behaved and easy-going (most of the time). She was an excellent sleeper. And there was rarely a tantrum or difficult situation that couldn’t be solved by making one of her stuffed animals “talk.”

But then our son arrived and turned everything we knew about parenting upside down. From day one, our little boy was a force to be reckoned with. His personality was — still is! — larger than life. He’s finally sleeping well now (touch wood), but in the beginning — and not so beginning — we had a rough go. Also, public places? Yeah, for a while they weren’t his strong suit. Like, at all.

I ultimately realized I had to change. Throw out some rules. Let go. And you know what? Things have mellowed out in our house in the last few months thanks in large part to my own mellowing out, which has made for a much happier, easier home for everyone.

Here are five things I had to let go of in order to become a better, more relaxed mom.

1.My "clean house" obsession. The messes, oh, the messes that come with having children! They’re hard for anyone, but that goes double when you’re a bit of a neat freak (hi). When it was just my daughter, it was easy to sporadically tidy up and organize during the day, but it became impossible when my very active son entered the picture. After a year of trying to keep the house neat all day long, I finally said, “forget it!” Now, I only clean and straighten up at the end of the night when the kids are in bed. Does the mess make me a little twitchy when I have to walk through it? Yes. But everyone seems more at peace now that I've stopped trying to pick up the blocks and toys as soon as my kids are done playing with them.

2. Strict screen time rules. Full disclosure: I’m still not a fan of my kids getting too much screen time. But I’m not monitoring like I used to, either — and it’s wildly liberating. True story: My son used to wake up between 5 and 5:30 a.m. every morning in an uber-cranky mood. Back then, I was militant about screen time and didn’t want to give him any, as I knew he’d watch TV when I was making dinner that night. The result? I couldn’t do anything. It was a huge task to try to get ready for work, get my daughter dressed for school, even go to the bathroom! Eventually, I just started letting him watch a little Peppa Pig or Thomas the Train on my phone while I took care of a few things. And guess what? It made both of us calm down and act less fussy.

3. Sleep worries. Needless to say, that crazy early wake-up stage wasn’t fun in the least — even for a morning person like me. But because it went on for a while, I realized I had to do something different. So instead of grumpily getting out of bed when I heard him on the monitor and hoping he’d fall back asleep with me, or wondering how I was going to entertain him for the next few hours (and keep him from waking his sister), I became much more chill about the whole thing. I’d bring him into bed and if he fell asleep again, great. If not, no biggie. I actually started enjoying the quiet alone time I had with him in the morning. And guess what? He magically started sleeping later. Hey, 6:15 isn’t so bad when you’re coming off 5 a.m.!

4. A fear of kid messes and spills. My daughter has always been a pretty neat eater, painter and outside player (when it comes to little kids, anyway). This wasn’t only convenient from a laundry standpoint, it was fun because, hello cute kids’ clothes! My son is the exact opposite. His clothes need to be changed at least once a day because he’s spilled something, gotten mud all over himself, or wiped the yogurt on his hands onto his shirt. Before, it would stress me out. Now? Whatever, kiddo! Have at it with your 2 ½-year-old self. We’ll be neat one day … right?

5. Doubts that I'm a good mom. Every parent wonders how they’re faring as a parent sometimes, and, as we all know, it’s not helpful at all. My kids are safe, happy and healthy, and they couldn’t be loved more. The rest, as they say, are just details.

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