Quote of the Week

Condemning oppressive clients only when they are bad customers of paid sex is missing the point—or do you think that they don’t treat other workers the same way when they can get away with it? Wouldn’t an abusive, bullying porn director be an abusive, bullying grocery store manager? I’ve been talked down to and pushed to the point of injury on a porn set and while working food service. Why do you care if I was hurt in the hands or in the vagina? My pain was pain either way.

-thewhorepoet demonstrates yet again how much brilliance can be found on the sex worker tumblrsphere by emphasizing that it’s about labor rights, dummy.

And it works both ways, those that bring a professional work ethic to their sex job also deserve to do well. It’s the simple stuff:

– confirming appointments
– making appointments the priority in your life for that time
– being ready on time
– final tidy up and clean
– phones off
– Allowing 10 mins time before each appointment to recalibrate, reread the appointment mails for any unique points (even if it’s only getting the name right) and focus on the individual and what they want/expect

It’s professional sales work and EVERY client deserves to be treated with professionalism.

As soon as sex workers start assaulting + killing clients at the same rate clients assault + kill us, it will work both ways. The quote was about abusers + workers’ rights, not rude/flaky/smelly/ annoying guys. Save the lectures for turning off our phones for maybe a different post, yeah?

A lot of clients capitalize upon the stigma and illegality around the business, and exploit that in order not to follow basic etiquette (i.e. habitually no call no show, cancel last minute, overstays their time.) The claim that all sex workers should bend over backwards for men who may or may not extend them the courtesy of even paying their stated rates might be a hard sell. You’re sure “EVERY” client, even the ones who decide they can pay half the fee because they orgasmed earlier than they wanted to, deserve the most consummate professionalism?

The reply was about abuse and workers’ right, my point being is that acting professional will incite being treated as a professional. Not a lecture, just a basic business concept.

In my view, professionalism belongs to me, not to them. I compare sexwork to running a restaurant; there will always be no-shows and cancellations, but once we have accepted them in, then it’s up to us to provide the best service possible, even if they are complete arseholes, right up until the point we ask them to leave. Punters are like diners and if they think I’m flaky and unprofessional then they will seek to take the piss. Of course it’s not a 100% solution, we all have horror stories and have left a guy or kicked him out, that’s the same as asking someone to leave your restaurant. It’s a cheesy as fuck film from the 80s, but there’s a great line from Roadhouse:

“If somebody gets in your face and calls you a cocksucker, I want you to be nice. I want you to remember that it’s a job. It’s nothing personal. I want you to be nice until it’s time to not be nice.”

Professional service does not mean agreeing to everything they want, you’re a peer not a subservient service provider. In all walks, acting professional gets a more professional response and inevitably leads to a reduction in abuse.

In the case of the early finisher, then professional is being ‘nice’ and smiley, despite having to deal with a complete twat. I can’t comment on that specific incident, I wasn’t there, but IMHO professionalism means that they feel less like they have the right to ask these things.

So by that logic, “unprofessional” behavior is to blame for — what, exactly? Spell it out. Being cheated out of money earned? Police harassment and abuse? Workers’ rights aren’t earned with good behavior, but with principled demands. When nurses stand up for the rights, they don’t do it with a stethoscope and a lollipop in hand. This quote isn’t about how sex workers “behave” with customers, which has little to no bearing on systemic violations of our rights.

Hmmm I wonder why I was assaulted by a client then, because I was behaving exactly as you recommended. Maybe I totally deserved it for behaving unprofessionally at some point in the past, that must be it.

Also, I love that a male-female escort *couple*, who seemingly only does doubles, is lecturing other sex workers on how to stay safe. Hey, could it maybe be possible that having two people, one of them a man, makes you less likely to be assaulted by a client? No, no, I’m sure it’s just that you remember to turn your phones off.

Um, actually, that’s not true. If someone is an abusive asshole, they will be an abusive asshole whether you are behaving professionally or not. Please see: So, so, SO many customer service jobs. Oh, and wait…sex work! Yes, yes, this applies to sex worker too.

Implying that a lack of professionalism is at the root of being treated poorly suggests that the accountability for abusive behavior should be held with the victim, rather than the perpetrator. Which is wrong.

“The reply was about abuse and workers’ right, my point being is that acting professional will incite being treated as a professional. Not a lecture, just a basic business concept.”

It WAS a lecture and an utterly inappropriate comment to leave on this thread, IMO.

Furthermore, I’m a complete professional (and a “lady”) who treats my clients with dignity and respect, and I’ve been cheated out of wages, bullied, and harassed–oftentimes by white-collar Masters of the Universe–than I care to recount. Unfortunately, many of these clients do not consider us to be “professionals” and they do not consider what we do to be work.

Wow, I wrote about being injured at work. The food service instance required me to wear an arm brace for a month, and the incident on set required similar recovery. Are there times when I’m late or forget to turn my phone down? Sure, I’m human. Do I deserve to be hurt and have my injuries ignored by my employers? Seriously?

No one is talking about professionalism. People who are easy to contact will do better, true, but what does that have to do with abusive behavior? There is a huge difference between a client who decides not to book with me because I took too long to answer a text and a client who tries to sneak the condom off. Your comment was out of line.
(Typed on broken phone because, argh.)

Normally I don’t comment on this site, because I read it to learn. I have nothing to teach about sex work. But on this I am qualified. Professional or unprofessional behavior has *nothing* to do with being a victim of violence. I do small business networking, and I hope I always treat my customers in a professional manner. But should I ever fail, I hope that does not mean I will be beaten. I hope that does not mean I will be raped. I hope that does not mean I will be killed. And if I am ever a victim of any of those crimes in the course of my work, I hope the first question the investigator asks is not “did he behave professionally when installing your computers?” Violent assholes are not an informal standards board. It does not take having first hand experience of sex work to know this – just normal human empathy.