So I and my BMs live in Toronto, Canada but we all come from a small European country. Even though most of us lived in North America for 5+ years we still learn local wedding traditions.

As I am planing “American” style wedding incorporating some ethnic customs, I was hoping to have wedding shower and a bachelorette party. Since my Mom is overseas and will visit only for a wedding and my MOH is my sister, I was thinking that BMs are the ones who plan parties and showers.(I have no family in Toronto). I was asuming that my BMs will plan it for me, but one of them randomly asked me yesterday if I am planning a shower and bach party. I said no, as I am not supposed to throw myself a party (as far as I know) but it looks like my BMs are clueless and and thought that I was responsible for hosting. Then they kind of got upset that there will be no showers/parties and started giving me possible party ideas and insisting that I should throw them…

Anyways, I didn’t want to seem rude (obviously they have no idea about the tradidtions) and said that i will think. Now, is there any way to bring up the subject and let them know in a polite way that I would love to have a shower/party or forget about it whatsoever?

PS Groom’s family is out of question, they are elderly European people who are not involved in a wedding prerparations.

You said that your sister is your MOH, right? Can you tell her that you want the “American” wedding with a shower and bachelorette and let HER bring it up to your BM’s? It sounds like they would fully support it happening, but perhaps need someone to get the collective ball rolling!

Your sister or one of the BM’s could hold an intimate shower at somone’s house – your MOH should be the one spear-heading the planning process though (my MOH is my sister and she is planning the shower – that’s perfectly acceptable these days)!

I think you should let them know that you would love to have a shower and bachelorette! Say that you looked into it though, and that it’s considered rude to host your own, and that traditionally, the bridesmaids or MOH host these events. I would explain that because your MOH is not in Canada and it wouldn’t be possible for her to host, if they would be willing? I think that you can do this in a polite way, and sort of leave it up to them, if it’s something they would like to organize.

yes, talk to them. by your own admission, you are all learning North American customs, and so it’s not something they expect. if you want them to throw you these parties, you are going to have to ask. If it maybe seems like too much, combine them!

you can all meet in the late afternoon or for dinner and do the “shower” part, and then go right into an evening or bachelorette festivities! then people might feel less time committed.

but trust me, be clear, and be asserive, without being rude or bossy, because that is the only way they will know what you want, and it will be better for eveyone.

This is tricky, right? I was kind of on the other end of this last year – one of my best friends is Romanian, and had planned a traditional Orthodox ceremony and a traditional American reception. There were more Romanian traditions that she used than American, so we were all very surprised when she said that she was upset that we hadn’t planned a shower or bachelorette for her.

You have plenty of time to explain the tradition to them and why it’s important to you – you might have to help plan more than you’d expect, but I’m sure you’ll have some awesome parties 🙂