On the list of Stories We'd Rather Not Report But Have To Anyway, we point out that Utah Jazz point guard — and University of Illinois legend — Deron Williams was arrested (along with another, more anonymous, rookie) over the weekend for giving false information to police. Apparently, there was a bar fight in Park City — honestly, it's like "The Warriors" in Park City these days — and when police asked for indentification, Williams told them his name was "Torrey Ellis." (We don't know what it means either; a cursory Google search brings up little. We wish Deron would have said "Nick Smith" or "Will Tuttle.")

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Honestly, we can't imagine this would be much of a story — cops said they weren't going to charge either player had they not lied about their names — if it didn't take place in Utah, where people freak out every time a (black) player coughs. The Salt Lake Tribuneactually has a story this morning where they talk to various local psychologists to try to determine why, heavens, players might have possibly lied to police officers. Jazz fans are so great. Please trade Ron Artest here.