The Let's Play Archive

Part 19: Hell in a Handbasket

17. Hell in a handbasket.

Where the hell is that shop assistant? Ah, there she is... oh. Well, look who it is. Wendy. L-Lizzie! How's the arm? A-a little s-sore. Care to give me a hand with these books? Ahahaha, hand! I get it!I hate this job.

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Well, here goes nothing. Hello! Who the hell are you supposed to be? Sir, isn't that... My name is uh...Karn, yes, Karn! I'm an... explorer! Well what can I do for you? Dad! That's... Ahem! I, Karn, am planning to explore the Western Desert area. And to be frank, it's too dangerous to explore on my own. I need a little girl or two for pack mule and bodyguard purposes. I was wondering if you would allow Lizzie to accompany me. ... ... ... The expedition is 4 weeks. Anything found is yours. How about it?

Off you go Lizzie!

...30 days later...

Well that was quick, what happened? Uhm, the details are a bit hazy, but I'm somehow 9000g richer, so I guess we found something. Nothing out of the usual, just loads and loads of gold! It's all covered in blood. Yup! Mwahahaha! Did you just go 'Mwahahaha?'? Gotta go!

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How do I keep getting into these situations? Well, if you can take care of it and change it's litterbox every day, I don't see why you can't have a pet. It's not a pet, Papa, and I..OW!

That's it, you're getting declawed after this!

Bad kitty! Very bad kitty! Fsst!

Oh god, she's presenting. I'd better get her spayed too!

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More school? More school. More school.

Hey Shinkicker. Can I borrow your daughter for a bit? I, ah... need to move my sofa. That doesnt sound suspicious at all. I'm ready! Alright, see you later! Mwahahaha! ... What? Did you just go 'Mwahahaha!'? No. I'm pretty sure you did. Er, no, it must have been the wind. That's pathetic. Is that really the best you can do? ...there's money in it. Off you go, Liz!

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Anything interesting happen while I was gone, or did you two just sit at home doing nothing for the whole month again? How'd you guess?

After school...

Miss, wait! Oh, hello! What can I do for you? Well, if you want to have dinner... YES! I'm in luck! Lizzieeee! Awwwww, she's growing up so fast!

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Hey, uh, could Lizzie come over again? I can't really see the teevee from where the sofa is now. Oh for f... fine.

Can you think of anything funny to say here? I'm a butler, sir, not a comedian.

Hey Gendo, I need my lawn raked... is Lizzie around? Your lawn. You live in the middle of a desert! It's a small lawn. Sir, it might not be my place to say, but I think he's up to something. Oh, really Sherlock? Just saying, sir.

...the week goes by...

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Hello, Miss. May I speak to you for a moment? Yes, what is it? Miss, wouldn't you like to have some more spending money? I'm very rich. Ah... LIZZIEEEEEE! JESUS CHRIST WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? A MISTRESS? I'M CALLING THE COPS! This town is full of fucking wierdos! No, fuck the cops, where's my blade! Well, good! And by 'it' I hope you mean that guy's dick. Now quit hanging around child molesters and go spend some time with the freaks up at the palace.

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Be back later, I'm going to find a cute lil bunny and strangle it with my bare hands.

A challenger appears! A challenger disappears!

I don't know sir, I feel like we're getting nowhere. Patience, dear Lizzie. With persistence, all will be revealed in due time.

Lizzie also spends some time at the Countess' manor, receiving lessons in morality from a small child.

Of course, the quality of this education is highly suspect... Lizzieeeeeeeeee!

Sir, I'm here to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage! Even though she's killed a bajillion creatures in single combat? Yes. And is currently dating someone who has enough fashion sense not to wear a pastel green shirt with a moustache that hideous? ...yes. And is also being paid to keep a 40-something slob 'company' at night?...yes. And can set you on fire just by thinking about it? Ah... eh, when you put it that way...

Speaking of which... LIZZIE! LIZZIE SHINKICKER! GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM THAT FAT PERVERT.

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I sure hope this is worth it. Me too.

About time! REVEAL TO ME THE ANCIENT SECRETS OF PROPER ETIQUETTE!

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I'm heading out, see you later! Don't forget to bring back some milk on your way home!

Lizzie spends the day frolicking with elves, fairies and taking moonlight walks. Awww.

A walking stick? Uh-huh! Look I so old to young eyes? D-dad... Hahaha, sorry, just messing with you. I love the damn thing! Aww!

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So... are you ever going to tell me what you've been up to? Uhm, I'm not sure... I don't really remember much after getting to Lucy's and he gets me a drink... WHAT?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I've the funny feeling that wasn't the worst of it somehow.

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Happy now?! Anyway, her morality is ruined and she's starting to misbehave a lot. I'm going to have to put her through church or something. And there's really no point getting get sin any worse, since at the current level, she qualifies for the worst of all sin-based endings.