Sunday, June 19, 2011

I had formed the opinion many years ago that the problem with U.S. presidents in the Modern Era was that they were all dog lovers rather than cat fanciers; the deep-seated psychological need for the slathering loyalty of their aides, typical of dogs, rather than for the independence typical of cats, led, I felt, to an unhealthy state of mind in which these presidents believed the nonsense urged upon them by their sycophantic acolytes and treated any dissent as treason.

Now I have a different idea, more fitting in its metaphorical allusions and more accurate in its telling nuances: the nadirs of American political life have coincided with the incumbency of golf-less presidents.

Eisenhower, of course, of golf course, was mad for the game. Undoubtedly, that is why the 50s are known as the Good Old Days.

Kennedy complained bitterly, and unreasonably, I think, about the spike marks Ike left in the teak-wood flooring in the White House. Athletic as he was, I am sure JFK usually begged off of any invitations with some lame excuse about his bad back; that is, he gave the appearance of a golf-playing president, but in actuality, he was not, being more pre-occupied by other indoor diversions. I am just as sure that the recent detrimental revisions of the image of the Camelot presidency reflect this duplicity.

Neither Johnson nor Nixon golfed, really, the idea is ludicrous. These alone are enough to establish the prima facie case to anyone but the most biased observer. Johnson loved only politics and Nixon loved that most execrable of all sports, pro football. Both of these men would have improved their characters by acquainting themselves with the self-regulating nature of golf. It can hardly be denied that the course of history would be different if either of these men had had an ounce of restraint, or humility . . .

Ford played golf. One has to contemplate the agency of Richard Nixon which has been indirectly responsible for imposing the two worst golfers in political history, Ford and Spiro Agnew, upon the American Public. Still, Ford rendered an Everyman quality to every Presidential Round that had a certain healing effect on the country that was very necessary at the time.

Carter did not play, and there is ample evidence his character would have benefited from the experience, but of course, that is true of all powerful men, and especially, dog lovers. The leavening of the soul with humility imposed on the golfer would have improved all of these presidents, introducing to each of their consciousnesses the concept that they might fail through the intervention of no one else, mortal or divine, but only through their own frailty. But of course, Carter, more than any of the others, needed to experience the sheer diversion of golf, which can render all else unimportant.

Reagan did not play, and anyone who has seen him chop wood would know why: his stroke is entirely inappropriate to the game. Aside from the fresh-air exercise which the Gipper would certainly have enjoyed, the mental exercise in remembering his correct score would have pleased the whole country.

Bush and Clinton both play golf, true enough, so it is important to draw the correct conclusion from the evidence: how the the presidential golfer scores is not as important as how he plays. While we would like to see a slow backswing and a balanced, full follow-through rather than a tense, quick half-swing, what is most important is what kind of playing partner does he make. Can he be trusted in the deep rough, or will he resort to Nixonian footwedges? Is his score honest, or is it the result of Reaganesque absentmindedness and disarming sandbaggery? Is he a good fellow, or is he prone to Carter-like enforcement of obscure rules that will cost strokes?

One of the enduring images of the War to Restore Kuwaitian Sovereignty remains that of Bush playing golf during the early days of the crisis, rather than "being a captive of the Oval Office". Although this caused a great deal of negative commentary at the time, to be true to my newly formed political theory, I must come down on the positive side. To a certain degree these apocalyptic events are inevitable, anyway, and sometimes, there only just so much the Leader of the Free World can do.

This calls to mind a conversation from the golf stories of P.G. Wodehouse in which The Oldest Member of the Club instructs a wayward youth who has fallen from the wholesome companionship of golfers into the bad company of lawn bowlers. Defending himself, the youth points out that Sir Walter Raleigh delayed his defense against the attack of the Spanish Armada long enough to finish a game of lawn bowling. To which the Oldest Member replies, "If he had golfed instead, he never would have launched the defense at all."

At this point in history, it is fruitless to conjecture as to the value of the War, but it might be worthwhile speculating on what unknown disasters were averted by the happenstance of Bush being on vacation at the time. Who knows what rash actions were averted, possibly a premature attempt at a land war.

What triggers these ruminations is the speculation in the press concerning the reunion of Bush and Quayle at the Doug Sanders Seniors Classic at Kingwood lately. {circa 1993 if my memory serves me well, which is more-and-more unlikely I have come to find - author} There is a widely held misconception that this is a first.

Not many people were aware of the round Bush and Quayle played with Clinton and Gore at the Burning Bush Country Club prior to the election, in an attempt to elevate the election partisanship from a full-contact sport. Unfortunately, it had the exact opposite effect; in fact, the most vitriolic repartee in the closing days of the campaign can be directly traced to that match.

We know about this match, which was played on one of the most exclusive private clubs in the Washington area, only due to the fact that in addition to the secret service agents, Ross Perot supporters had infiltrated the caddy ranks.From the first tee, it was clear that as a social, rapport-building event the match was a failure. Bush and Qualye sliced into the right rough; Clinton and Gore hooked into the left rough. They would play that way most of the day, meeting only on greens and tees.

This was a two-man scramble, match-play, for leadership of the only true superpower left in the world. Needless to say, it got uglier and uglier.

On the second hole, Clinton was overheard complaining about slow play in a pointed manner.

At the third green Quayle felt called upon to wonder to himself out loud why some people were so busy fixing invisible ball marks while he was trying to putt.

On the fourth tee, Gore compared Bush's swing to the way his Grandma flipped hotcakes.

On the fifth fairway, Bush commented in a very sarcastic manner about the miraculous nature of a Clinton recovery shot, from behind a tree in deep rough.

On the sixth green, Clinton questioned Quayle's shot count.

On the seventh fairway, Quayle asked Gore if it was really necessary to repair every divot he came across. Gore told Quayle to widen his stance a little bit so that maybe he would not take so much turf with every swing. Quayle told Gore then that maybe he should carry Quayle's clubs, so that it would be legal when he gave advice. Gore pointed out that the caddy might manage the weight of Quayle's bag better if there were only 14 clubs.

So tensions were flaring a bit at that point in time, possibly because in addition to the natural antipathy felt by the teams, the Democrats were leading 3 holes to 1, giving rise to just the smallest bit of smug condescension to color their demeanor, while the Republicans were seething in discontent.

You may well wonder how the Dems could lead the Reps, when Quayle is widely acknowledged as the best striker in Washington. Unfortunately, Bush insisted on playing his drives, even when they were 50 yards shorter than Quayle's. This would have been bad enough were they winning, but they were losing and Quayle bridled at this faulty strategy. Bush also insisted his drives were in the middle or on the right, even when he had hooked it to the left, which only increased Quayle's aggravation.

Of course, the players expected a certain amount of partisanship, which up to a point, gratifies the competitive spirit in a gentlemanly way. But no one anticipated that the simmering ambitions of the Vice-Presidential nominees would surface in open conflict with the bottled-up insecurities of the Presidential candidates.

So it was a surprise when Gore chose the Eighth Tee as the place to suggest a more upright stance and a fuller follow-through to Clinton. Nobody takes golf advice well, although a duffer will suffer in silence the critique of his club pro; but nobody wants to hear swing corrections in the middle of round. Clinton's silent reproof as he surveyed his foozle short of the women's tee apparently caused Gore to top his own ball, several times.

So they both looked as if they were practicing for the Easter Egg Roll on the White House Lawn.Perhaps it was less of a shock that Quayle finally exploded on the Ninth Green, when Bush not only missed a birdie putt to win the hole, but knocked it 15 feet passed the hole. As the old scottish pro said to explain his own oaths, the provocation was great; still, the relative informality of the golf course does not give one leave to refer to the First Golfer as a "wrong handed, long-handled yippie", a term which seemed to have political connotations to Bush.

Presidential recriminations never reflect well on either party, as when a snarling Nixon shoved a snivelling Zieglar, or when an imperial Kennedy snubbed an ingratiating Johnson, but neither of those public slights could match the vicious malice of Bush handing Quayle his putter with a newly hinged faux-Medicus shaft.

It was a surly lot that trudged up to the halfway house. In a tragic attempt to knit up the ravelled ends of the game, Gore made an offer to buy the drinks. Quayle ventured that he would have an Old Granddad on the rocks and pointedly ignoring the glare from Bush, said "Make it a Double". Clinton opted for a Strip-and-Go-Naked, of course, Bush ordered a neat single-malt and Gore got a fizzy mineral water for himself.

The trouble started up anew when Gore tried to sign for the drinks. This somehow offended the republican pay-as-you-go sensibilities. Both Quayle and Bush reached for their wallets. While Gore protested, Clinton ordered another drink and told the bartender to add it to the tab. When Bush made an unguarded aside about "Drink and Spend Democrats", Clinton responded with an unchecked flurry of imputations of Republican deficit accounting on the golf course. Only the solid intervention of the club secretary at that crucial minute prevented a real donnybrook. At his direction, after consulation with the head pro, both parties were excused from the course.

In the lesser sports, there is no stigma to being asked to leave the field: in hockey, such an invitation is an extremely transient inconvenience; in basketball, it is often the badge of complete effort or total desire; in baseball, it is often seen as a necessary and desirable response to the inadequacies of the umpiring staff; in football, disqualification simply does not occur. In auto-racing, being waved off the track is more likely due to equipment failure than as discipline for unsportsmanlike driving.

But even these men, hardened by years in politics against any form of sensitivity, recognized the shame of their eviction. Which is why till now the bi-partisan cover-up of "Golf-Gate" has been so complete and successful.

While the regular men's tee was under repair, they moved the 1st tee at GCP back to a championship tee that I had never seen used before . . . all day long the golfers were freaking out, and driving balls into the new netting there on the right, hitting the trees, and popping them up off the toe onto the 2nd fairway & green . . . 8^D . . . who'm I to laugh . . . the second time around I clipped the tree on the left, just leaves, but I couldn't find my ball . . . took an x onthe hole, then found my ball on the 2nd hole 20 minutes later . . . 8^D , , ,

Friday, June 17, 2011

Maple Hills is distinguished from the other two 9s by water, I was told. It's the shortest 9, but arguably, the hardest . . . If the whole 9 was like this first hole tee shot, it would be awesome, like my old home course Walden on Lake Conroe . . . didn't bother me, I just hit a baby hook up just short of the trap on the left.

it was so wide open in the fairway, that I freaked out and pull-hooked my fairway wood into the next fairway . . . then I tried to baby my wedge into the downhill, slopes-the-wrong-way green and came up short, just barely not in the bigbunker that lines the fairway , , , so natcherly, my chip ran over the green, from where I did NOT get up and down, tho'it oughtta been simple. ... double bogey.

#2 is a short par 4, I don't remember much about. If I didn't have this picture I wouldn't remember my missed birdie.

Oh, water, Oh yeah . . . pretty intimidating looking par 3 #3. I had a problem lately with a flying elbow that makes me hook the holy foecal matter out of my shot -- certainly not performance anxiety! -- right over the trees on the left. . . chopped the ball out of the tall rough to makeable distance, but missed . . . I'd hit a second ball, careful with my elbow, from the tee, and wound up slicing to the far right side of the green . . . I 3putted from there, so 4 is my score on this hole, no matter what.

The architect does his tees the way I've done my tees in my JN6 golf game . . . I was pleased to see how nice they look in real life.

#4 is another short par 4 . . . I placed my drive perfectly down the middle, between the traps, and I tho't I might drive the green, but I wound up 50m short.

but, I babied the half-wedge too much and came up short (these greens were very fast, but soft enough to receive a shot well, but if you land short, the fairway is hard, and you can get a BIG bounce . . . then I bladed a chip 12 ft past the hole and two-putted -- I count that as a 3 putt bogey.

The par 3 #5 seemed much more uphill than it looks here, and surrounded by a sea of sand, by the time I did the math, I was hitting a full 7wood, in which I have great confidence, but I got the flying elbow and hit a high hook that came down in the trees just left of the green, pin high.

my ball was in a leaf pile in a shallow gulley between the green and the cart path, so I hadda chunk a couple of chips to get to the green, and a rare 2putt for a 5. . . 8^/ . . .

the par 5 #6 is the #1 handicap hole, 566m long . . . the bugger for this 9 . . . It was all dense woods down the left side, so I aimed right and sub-consciously compensated with a hook just past the woods into a cut-out gap of high rough . . . I hit another ball here in exasperation and it went into the woods, 10 yds shorter. . . so I chopped my first ball out with a 5iron onto the short grass, then flaired a 7iron 50 ft from the pin, 3putt bogey . . . wisht I could re-play that hole.

#7 is another par 5, all uphill . . . conscious of my flying elbow, I took care to slice it into the tall rough on the right, behind another set of trees that forced me just to take a safety back into the fairway...hooked another fairway wood back into the tall rough, so that it took two more wedges and a chip to reach the green, followed by a standard 3putt for a snowman.

#8 is a short downhill par 4, bordered on the left, not by the trees, but a beautiful field of yellow flowers, that look like some commercial crop, but I can't say what. I brought out the flying elbow again and could see my ball bouncing along the edge of the flowers . . . I tho't it might be OB so I hit another that took one big bounce into the flowers... another demonstration that wherever I'm gonna hit it, I'm gonna hit it, no matter how many shots I hit . . . so I trudged down there to look for my balls . . . I didn't walk in the flowers, just back and forth in front of ém . . . I found my first ball, in bounds, past the big trap . . . 8^) . . . so I lobbed a half wedge short of the green and let it release to the pin . . . and I tho't this would be a birdie for sure, no matter how bad I putt . . . but it wasn't . . . these were fast bent grass greens, but they didn't roll true, seemed awfully grainy. . . either I sliced the holy bejezus out of that flat little 4footer, or the grain made it take an unbelievable turn, it didn't even hit the hole . . . tap-in par.

#9 is a mid-length par 3, kind of odd-design, layout wise. . . .sort of downhill, so that the green is invisible against the trees up there, but it definitely looks like trouble, similar to several greens on the Woodland 9, so I tried a 6 iron that would (I hoped) bounce on and stay . . . right theory, poor execution . . . I wound up in a bunker left of the green . . . splashing out, I still didn't allow enough room for the roll-out since the green is so steep going away from the tee (again) that the ball rolled off the green into the fringe . . . standard 3putt from there . . . shudder ...

The Woodlands Course 3367m, Par 36, by Stephan Freidrich (I think . . . I asked and was told, but I didn't write it down . . .I tho't it was Freidrich something-else, based on the fact that 3/4 of the trophies in the dining room had his name on them . . . but Stephan Freidrich is the President of the Club now, so, maybe).

#1 is an amazing view from the tee, pretty intimidating, and, as is my ultimate measure, reminiscint of Walden on Lake Conroe . . . I hit a line drive . . . just keeping it straight, that I tho't might fly that tree in the left fairway . . . but I just rolled up to the base of the hill at the end of the fairway, and that tree is halfway up. I was worried about being obstructed, but the bigger problem was that the hill was so big that I had to walk up there to see where the green was, and that the green was so big, to see where the pin was . . .

so, I was a little blocked and had to take the right side of the green. . . I dug it out of the long rough and up the hill pretty good. . . had 33 ft for a birdie. . . 3putt bogey, natch... that's a severely elevated green that slopes away from the tee, with a giant deep bunker all along the back of the green. @#$@ what a hard hole!

#2 is a par 4 like #7 at GCP Motol, except it just keeps going uphill, and is surrounded by trees . . . I hit my tee shot with a tiny draw instead of a fade, and it just leapt down the hill going left . . . I still only had 9iron to the green, but out of deep rough . . . what a tough tee shot . . . even harder to keep in the fairway than GCP #7, and even more penal on the rightside . . . .deep dense dark woods . . . it was kinda creepy there on the tee, too, sort of a hansel & gretel kinda feeling . . . 8^D

The par 3 #3 presents an opportunity for some higher math . . . lotta calculations for altitude changes, brisk wind up on top of the hill, meters-to-yards, clubbage . . . I picked the right club, 4iron, but the wind just blew it pin high behind that bush on the left in the picture, so that I was on the steep slope backing up the green area, short-sided. . . well, these days I am flat-out just with flat chips, never mind trick shots like that . . . double bogey.

So I had a little west-texas red-ass on the next tee shot, dead into the wind, low hook, left side of the fairway at the top of the hill . . . I don't think it could be better placement. . . might've been closer . . .but I don't see how.

but that look at the green was terribly intimidating to me . . . don't want to be long, that's obviously dead. to get at the green and keep it on, you've got to fly the trap with a high shot (I had a 7wood in my hands), or hook it in . . . I'm not sure what I finally decided, so I foozled it, then, still shy, I hit a wedge on the front of the green and 3putted. That's a very large green.

I cudda sworn #5 was a short par 5, 422m . . . I hooked my drive into the middle of the fairway, blocked my 3wood right of the green, lobbed on 18ft away . . .

then 3putted, per norm for a 6.

Oh, back-to-back par 5s I tho't . . . well, sweet! You obviously want to stay left here, but I had a double-cross that left me short of that bunker down in the valley. Chopped a 5 iron up the hill onto the left side. Satisfied.

another huge green, surrounded by steep declines and huge dense trees, so I played short, misjudging, wound up 70 ft away. 3putt 6.

I tried to hook a shot to ride the wind and the slope (shudda known after the last hole I cain't hook on demand) and got a double cross up into the tall grass. took a long time to find the ball.

dug it out with a 5 iron, and tho't it was safe along the right side of the fairway, but it musta taken a bad bounce back into the hay, had another extended easter egg hunt, then chopped it out nearly to the bottom of the hill . . . that is my shot was only partially obstructed by the woods guarding the green around that 90degree dogleg.

this is the largest green I've ever seen. The pin was tucked behind the trees from where I stood back in the fairway for my 4th shot . . . dangit, this hole is unfair . . . there's just no way anyone would confidently go over those trees, they're so tall . . . I was 50 ft away. Need I say 3putt doublebogey?

Even #11 at Walden on Lake Conroe held out the hope that 3 perfect shots would give you a chance for a birdie, but here that dogleg is so sharp, and the hole is so long, that even three exceptionally long straight shots might not get you into position. . . it'd take some reps to judge that green proper distance wise, too.

#8 is just fouled up . . . I mean, a good hole, but how about a breather after #7?I hit a low line drive leftish . . . out under the trees that looked like trouble to me, as it turned out, short, but playable. I hit a 7iron off the hardpan, got another low line drive, that I thot might roll up onto the elevated green, but it hit something, a sprinkler socket or something that took all the steam out of it.

I indifferently lobbed up 12 ft past the hole and 3putted, again.

@ #9 is a long par 3 . . . I tho't it was a par 4, and played safely away from the bunkers on the left, which meant I drove thru the mini-dogleg left thru some young trees on the right, in the deep rough ... pin-high ... oh!. . . I tried to flop over the trees, but just cut under the ball to get half way . . . bladed the pitch from there over the green, took 3more to get down.

Bohemian Gardens, easiest of the 3 9s. . . Wide open, tough deep rough, still growing in, looks like to me . . . not too hilly, but some, no water, wind is sometimes a factor up on top of the hill there, and most of the course seems to follow the ridge line . . . 8^D . . .I played from the back tees, cuz there didn't seem to be much difference per hole, 70m in all for the 9, 3049 m.#1 Tee, par 4.

#2 Tee, tough par 3, 207 m. uphill. I didn't see the flag, it was so far on the right, so I hit where I tho't was the middle of the green, which was actually left . . . with a draw . . . so I wound up next to the OB fence . . . one of the holes I'd like to try again . . . .

#3 tee, short par 4, 286m . . . I hammered my drive up just short of the traps by the green.

flopped over the mounds and traps 24 ft from the pin . . . what they call an indifferent approach . . . 3 putt bogey, story of my life nowadays.

lobbed a wedge pin high, but it rolled off towards the back of the green, as you can see it would. 2 putt par.

#5 says 162m, uphill, and we know that's to the front, not the middle, so I figgered 162+10+5=177*10% = 194 yds = half 7wood . . .laced a low line drive up the right side . . . so it rolled over onto the back . . . so the right tier for someone with a short game, which is not me . . . bogey.

#6 is a sort of nondescript par 5, 438m . . . I sloughed my drive off in the right rough, hammered a 5 iron up around wedge distance, misjudged the distance because of the big green, came up short, 3 putt bogey.

Now Apparently, the architect has a concept that the 7th hole should be the bugger . . .I'm not sure this actually is a bugger, a par 4 4m longer than the previous par 5, but it IS interesting, at least the first time one comes across it . . . It would be worth contemplating whether one could drive the green across the 90 degree downhill dogleg. . . but I was trying to play some smart. . . so I took a 5wood right over the electric tower, but the thing is . . . theres 75m of kneehigh rough between that tower and the downhill leg . . . . so 5wood hit perfectly just disappeared . . . I guess you could hit a driver there, and forget about driving the green . . .

so if you just hit your drive just right of the corner, play it safe, this is what you have to look at . . . about 115 - 125 m downhill, so no biggy . . . I just dropped a ball here and hit a 9iron that landed a meter right of the hole and rolled 8 ft . . . but that green . . .it slopes very steeply, like 4, 5, or 6 ft from top edge to bottom edge . . . that little 8 footer I had left broke about 5 ft . . . tough, tough hole. . . oh yeah, there's a creek running thru the fairway in front of the green . . .

#8 is another 162 m par 3. . . it didn't seem as steeply uphill as the other so I backed off from a half-7wood to a full 3iron, came over the top and jacked it pin high in the hay left of the green, two tries to flop it out and 2 putts . . . double bogie.

This course has 3 3s, 3 4s, & 3 5s . . . there are many who don't like that layout, but it seemed natural here to me . . . like a full set of short & long 4s and 5s . . . I wouldn't have minded a short par 3, too . . . 8^) . . .

#9 is a 499m par 5, so I'm thinking I could reach the green again, but you have to be on the short grass doncha? I instead was out just off the fairway on the right by that hump. I muscled a 7iron out into the middle of the fairway, thinking that would be all the chance I needed.

I was just up over the top of that hill, 6 iron away, but hit a very weak shot, sliced into the hay again short right of the green.Bogey.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

But no sport touches as many presidents as golf. Congressional alone boasts five former presidents — Herbert Hoover, William Howard Taft, Woodrow Wilson, Warren G. Harding and Calvin Coolidge — as founding life members, though Hoover wasn’t a player. That puts him in odd company among presidents since the turn of the 20th century: Only Hoover, Harry Truman and Jimmy Carter weren’t golfers, though not all who played were equally enamored of it. Wilson famously described golf as “an ineffectual attempt to put an elusive ball into an obscure hole with implements ill-adapted to the purpose,” a quote that endures in many iterations.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

While the Burbank City Council is considering more than a half a million dollars in cuts to city services, including the fire department and libraries, it's looking at a deal to the municipally owned Debell Golf Course that would include a $2-million loan plus temporary relief of payments on a separate $2.1-million debt. Mayor Jess Talamantes has said the golf course is "too big to fail."

The 18-hole "De Bell" course at the DeBell Golf Club facility in Burbank, California features 5,633 yards of golf from the longest tees for a par of 71 . The course rating is 68.8 and it has a slope rating of 114 on Kikuyu grass. Designed by William F. Bell, ASGCA/William H. Johnson, ASGCA/(R) Richard Bigler, the De Bell golf course opened in 1959.

Pukka Dave

Pukka Dave

Pukka Dave -- The Bohemian Duffer

The Pukka is the European cousin of The Kokopelli . . . the aliases of the two overlap completely: Jackalope, Leprechaun, Trickster, Trouble-maker, et al. . . . it's not that the Golfer is looking for trouble, it's just that trouble is such an essential part of Golf, if you know what I mean . . . 8^D . . .