When you've put in the work previously and can't get the same results as before,it's time to try something different but similar.
The reason I say similar because no matter what you will do from this point on,will bring you back to one person;you.Knowing this much could prove invaluable while you go through your trials and tribulations and there will be revealed sometimes when you least expect.
Would you feel opposed,going the AA route,with respect to alcoholism? You've realized that you're a functioning alcoholic...now's the time to muster that power of self-awareness and take it to the next step.

If you're not up for the program,then there's always going back to your roots;religion,as you implied prior religious belief.If you can't seem to forgive yourself,know that there's Someone(no hint needed)who is prepared to.
Yet and still,you can try the route of cognitive therapy.
This is also a tried and true way of enlightening oneself,while lightening your burden.

Know that I was once full of "why's" before I learned how to be wise.We're all really works in progress and i'm still learning.