Practical Steps for Friendship, Unity and Intimacy in Your Marriage

Main menu

Post navigation

Waiting for “The Mood”

I (Megan) learned very early on in our marriage, if I waited to be “in the mood” we weren’t going to have very much sex. Prior to marriage, we had based much of our relationship on things other than the physical aspect. But early on in marriage, things were different. Sex was good. Really good, in fact. But it was still just one part of our marriage, on top of everything else. That said, I still realized that sex was good for me, for my husband and for our marriage. It wasn’t just good…it was necessary. As I began to understand the importance of sex I began to take far more interest in understanding how to be in the mood, or at least desire a thriving and healthy sex life.

A good sex life is a healthy indicator of a great marriage. Being that sex connects a couple on emotional, spiritual and physical levels, it’s worth learning how to understand or increase sexual desire. Sexual desire is often misunderstood and many choose not to openly discuss their desires with their spouse. Today we want to point out a few ways to engage yourself in the increase of sexual desire. Mind you, these are just a few suggestions, but just sitting and waiting to be “in the mood” rarely makes a difference.

Here are three things to practice and keep in mind if you want the mood to be more welcome in your life.

1. Relate.

Take time to relate to your spouse throughout the day and the week. Regular conversations about what’s going on in life are great but don’t leave it at simply coordinating your schedules! Take time to share what’s going on in your heart. Emotionally, what is bothering you or bringing you great joy? Take time to regularly evaluate how your marriage, finances, outside relationships, work life, parenting, etc. are working for you. The more often you communicate about all aspects of life, the more free you are to engage. Guarded emotions and lives don’t allow complete sexual abandon, vulnerability and relational connectivity does.

2. Remember.

Build your sexual memories on your most enjoyable experiences. Remembering just how good it can be has an uncanny way of making you want that same thing again. What happens when you have lots of ho-hum or even negative sexual experiences? Create what I like to call sexual nostalgia. Make love in different places, positions or introduce specific cues that trigger your mind and emotions to become nostalgic. Maybe it’s a spot on the couch. It could be a certain touch or scent. Whatever it is, use your mind to your advantage. Over time, even the memories of meaningful past sexual experiences, will make a difference in your desire and readiness.

3. Relax.

Seriously. If you are worried about being in the mood the moment you start to make love – STOP IT! Making the choice to make love is often the first step and the rest follows. So, relax and just go with it. Allow your body to catch up with the mental choice and you will start a positive sexual cycle.

2 thoughts on “Waiting for “The Mood””

This is a hard less to learn it seems for many low-drive spouses out there, and I’m happy to say I see a lot of women learning this, but the low-drive men don’t seem to pick it up as quickly. Perhaps it’s because we sort of require being turned on to make sex happen? I’m not sure not being in that situation. But my wife says that for her, if she’s not in the mood in the beginning, she certainly is in the middle of it.

These are great suggestions, Megan. I especially like the idea of remembering–the “sexual nostalgia” you spoke about. I think this is a skill that not many people use, but can be so positive in creating more desire. I also like the emphasis on the relationship. i know when I’m not taking the time to relate to my husband or not getting along with him, it really affects my sexual desire. Thanks so much for speaking to this important and needed topic, my friend!