3. You stop dreaming of becoming a professional footballer and start
dreaming of having a son who might instead

4. Before throwing the local paper away, you look through the property section

5. You prefer later with Jools Holland to Top of the Pops

6. All of a sudden, Tony Blair is not 46, he's only 46

7. Before going out anywhere, you ask what the parking is like

8. Flicking through Heat magazine makes you too tired to go out

9. Rather than throw a knackered pair of trainers out, you keep them
because they'll be all right for the garden

10. You buy your first ever T-shirt without anything written on it

11. Instead of laughing at the innovations catalogue that falls out of
the newspaper, you suddenly see both the benefit and money saving
properties of a plastic winter cover for your garden bench and an
electronic mole repellent for the lawn. Not to mention the plastic man
for the car to deter would be thieves.

12. You start to worry about your parents health.

14. Sure, you have more disposable income, but everything you want to buy costs between £200 and £500

15. You don't get funny looks when you buy a Disney video or a Wallace and Gromit bubble bath, as the sales assistant assumes they are for your child

16. Pop music all starts to sound a bit crap

17. You opt for Pizza Express over Pizza Hut because they don't have
any pictures on the menus and anyway, they do a really nice half-bottle
of house white

18. You become powerless to resist the lure of self-assembly furniture

19. You always have enough milk in

20. To compensate for the fact that you have little desire to go
clubbing, you instead frequent really loud tapas restaurants and
franchise pubs with wacky names in the mistaken belief that you have not turned into your parents

21. While flicking through the TV channels, you happen upon C4's Time team with Tony Robinson. You get drawn in.

22. The benefits of a pension scheme become clear.

23. You go out of your way to pick up a colour chart from B&Q

24. You wish you had a shed

25. You have a shed

26. You actually find yourself saying "They don't make 'em like that
anymore" and "I remember when there were only 3 TV channels" and "Of course, in my day"

27. Radio 2 play more songs you know than Radio 1 - and Jimmy young has some really interesting guests on, you know

28. Instead of tutting at old people who take ages to get off the bus,
you tut at school children whose diction is poor

29. When sitting outside a pub you become envious of their hanging
baskets

Lee Evans' official website, produced by 'Off the Kerb Productions', is
crammed to the brim with useful Lee Evans-related features. There is News,
Pictures, Video and Audio Clips, Biographies and more. The site also
features Lee's latests news, and details of any forthcoming tour dates.

Despite the Oscar and general popularity of Curse
of The Were-Rabbit it just didn't make enough money to break even. At
the time, forecasts from DreamWorks guessed that Flushed
Away was also going to cost them dearly.

And so it did. Costing over Â£70M to make but only drawing about Â£25M from the
box office is not anyone's idea of good business practice. It certainly does not
go down well in Hollywood.

Have you done the maths? That's only three of the original four film deal.
Crood Awakening has been co-written by John Cleese has a release date
for 2008. Whether either side will still risk the potential losses of releasing
it, is unknown and a wrangle over the rights of the production could keep the
project in development hell for decades.

Aardman and DreamWorks have both voiced their calm resignation over the
split. Aardman spokesperson, Arthur Sheriff, said, "We always knew America would
be a hard task for us â€¦ our strength is our English sense of humour and we want
to continue with that."

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more
intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP
TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do
you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a
winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a
fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest
thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

A plane was coming in to land, and the pilot told the passengers to fasten
their seat belts, etc. Then he turned to his co-pilot and said "I've been
bursting for a crap for ages. The first thing I'm going to do when we land is to
have myself a nice crap. Then I'm going to shag the arse off that air hostess".
But he had forgotten to switch off the microphone! The hostess was running down
the aisle in a panic to tell him, when somebody shouted "No need
to rush dear, he's going for a crap first!"