Gone swimming

Today I started, finally: swimming! The public swimming pool is two minutes from my sons kindergarden so it's just perfect to stop him off and go there. I just haven't had time so far, it's been so incredibly busy. And for a whole long week now he's been sick. It's been a true nightmare- not just because he was sick but because of the fact that his main comfort, love and safety in life- his breastmilk-has gone. I stopped producing. Apparently it's normal that it either drops dramatically or stops completely at around 16 weeks of pregnancy. And that's exactly what happened- I'm now at 18, and it's just gone since then. He refuses any formula, bottle with any milk, cup, glass... He just wants what he's had since the minute he was born, the place in the world where he feels safe and comforted. I'm mortified that this has happened. I was not prepared and so I feel surprised and in a state of not really knowing what to do.. So I'm just going through it. And going through it means waking up at1 am, 2 am, 3 am.. Waking up at 4 am and having to be pointed to the kitchen where he wants his breakfast, oats made with coco rice milk. After that he's either full of energy and ready to play, or he'll be happy to watch Emil I Lönneberga on YouTube while I sort of slumber next to him until i have to face the daylight. Today he was up at 4.30, demanding breakfast. But, amazingly enough, with some persistence on my end, 1.5 hours later, he fell asleep again and woke up only at 9!!! INCREDIBLE!!

I rushed him off to the kitchen for his second breakfast and prepared his little bag, and then decided that today is the day to start swimming. After this hell of a week I need to get back to health and to life. I packed everything in a rush and before I knew it I was in the public pools of Ibiza town- a very uninspiring place, with all notices and rules in Catalan, and most people in the changing room refreshingly local and ibicenco.

Everyone was very professionally dressed in swimming gear while I had my somewhat worn out pink bikini. People were staring at me not just for the bikini but also to figure out if my belly was just fat, or if I am indeed pregnant.

I decided to swim for 15 minutes.

It was hard at first. I felt it strongly in the shoulders and shoulder blades.

Every time you do a different type of exercise to the one you normally do, the body seems to go into a state of surprise. I mean I could do yoga for two hours straight without much complaint from my body.. But this was hard.

What else was hard, was handling my mind. It was bored. It wasn't used to this monotonous thing where there was nothing inspiring to fix the eyes upon.

I tried to just observe the mind to see what it was up to.

At 15 minutes, I decided to do another 5, and I felt that the body had softened into it, warmed up to it. The strokes felt calmer and longer.

But the mind kept looking at the clock; bored as hell.

After 20 minutes I dropped myself into the shallow pool with some floaters and actually floated for five whole minutes. There were a few moments there where I felt completely at peace- the feeling I was looking for. Completely quiet, no thoughts, body quiet after exercise.. Ahhh I love that feeling.

Yoga used to give me that feeling. Every time. These days yoga is like a daily maintenance that I will only notice if I DON'T do it. So nice to challenge the body in a different way. And the mind, too.

As I'll start growing heavier in the pregnancy this will definitely become a sort of refuge- to feel weightless for a few moments. It's heaven when you're really, really pregnant.

Now some green juice at Passion Cafe... Finally out of this hellish week of sick little boy.. It's harder than being sick yourself- the worry, the non sleeping... I wish him health, my little treasure!! Love him so incredibly much.