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Tuesday, 17 April 2012

"Promise you'll tell me if my baby is ugly"

I
had a funny conversation the other day with a friend who is planning to start
having children in the near future. She shared with me a topic of concern that
I’m sure many people can relate to, but tend to not talk about. She was worried
that she might give birth to an ugly baby. Obviously getting this off her chest
warranted the next question, which I’m certain has been asked by many soon to
be mothers in the company of their most trusted friends: “You’ll tell me if my
baby is ugly, right?”

While
every parent holds the health of their unborn baby paramount to everything
else; until they see that sweet little face for the first time, many are
worried that maybe they will give birth to a mutant. Does that make them a bad
person? Of course not. Vain? Not at all. I think, having worried about the same
silly thing when pregnant with both of my children, that you just want them to
be “normal”- for their sake.Remembering
how awful and mean kids can be (especially
if you were the victim of bullying at some point in your life), can make
one overly anxious about whether or not their children will experience the same
angst. I think parents just want to protect their kids from anything which
might hurt them, so worrying about their physical appearance before actually meeting
them all comes down to the hope that they won’t stand out for the wrong
reasons.

Unfortunately kids tend not to
discriminate when choosing who to ridicule. If in someone's opinion they're too pretty, too tall, too
short, too smart, too energetic, too anything; they may, at some point, be a
casualty of playground bullying. All you can hope for as your children go off
to school each day is that the teachers are paying attention and taking action.
Also that you’ll have the self-control to side with your better judgement and
not punch an eight year old in the face if they've made your perfect little son or daughter cry; as that might land you in jail. I suppose threatening them, unfortunately, may
have the same ramifications. It's doubtful that the police, as well as the parents of that little jerk, will be in agreement with your rationale for telling a child that you will "find them" if they continue harrassing your son or daugther. That was only partially a joke.

Just
while we’re on this subject, if your child is a bully (and this is something all parents should be on the lookout for),
it’s up to you to do something about it. It might come down to involving a
third party who is qualified to address their inner psyche; but either way, if
you’re not taking the steps to correct it, you are most definitely part of the
problem.

Also, in my experience, it seems the characteristics of a bully don't
fade with time. I can think of a few adults who still act like that mean little
brat on the playground.

So if your child is a bully and you don’t intervene by
teaching them how to properly conduct themselves, it might result in a problem that
follows them into adulthood, and will likely affect everything from their relationships to their career. Sorry to be so direct, but bullying is a bit of a
sore-spot for me (you guessed it; I was
picked on quite a bit throughout the years). I digress.

Back
to the topic of ugly babies and what an oxymoron that notion is. I can’t help
but wonder if there is such a thing. Of course I’ve seen my share of
questionably cute babies which yes, I’m ashamed to say have generated a private
little snicker here and there– but that doesn’t make them ugly.

So, regarding the question asked by ‘best
friends’ everywhere about whether or not you will be honest and tell them “yes
your baby is ugly” – for me, the answer will always be “no; he/she is perfect”.

Usually
this question is followed up by the half-joking declaration that they will
already know if their baby is ugly so, consequently, they’ll know if I’m lying.
I used to think the same thing and, hence the worry, was certain that I would
be able to recognize whether or not my qualms of giving birth to an unsightly
creature had come true. Having had two children, I can tell you this concept is
nothing but a load of Bulls**t! I fell so unbelievably in love with my
babies the second they entered the world that even if they were born with
antlers and a snout, I would ever so proudly share their perfect little faces
with the world. Not only that, I would secretly feel bad for everyone who didn’t have children as
beautiful as my own.

It’s the way we’re programmed; hence the
expression “a face only a mother could love”. We are incapable of recognizing a
flaw within our own babies because, to us, they truly are perfect. That’s why
whenever that friend, with the furrowed brow and concerned tone makes me swear
that I will tell them if they happen to give birth to an “ugly baby”, I tell
them they are ridiculous and recite the essence of this blog entry. It’s just
not possible and, despite the fact that you think you’ll “just know”, trust me;
you won’t.

Maybe worrying about this ludicrous topic it’s a way to defer
anxiety from something as important as their health because, deep down, I think
that’s what can be consuming. To joke lightly about the physical appearance of
what will certainly be the most beautiful person you have ever seen, keeps you
from spending too much time worrying about something serious. I can appreciate
that because, on top of hormones, the last thing you need is to be brought down
by the fear and apprehension of a real issue.

So
with all of that said; no, I will not tell you if you have an ugly baby. I will
agree with you that they are gorgeous, and will vote for them in the “world’s
cutest baby contest” because, along side with my kids, they are right up there
with the world’s cutest babies. If you’re pregnant, or hope to soon be
pregnant, please don’t worry about what your baby will look like. I promise
that you couldn’t, even in your wildest dreams, imagine anything so incredibly
perfect.