Comedy Soapbox: Gran plans

Josh Thomas

Josh Thomas' new show "Douchebag" plays at the Powerhouse as part of the 2013 Brisbane Comedy Festival. Photo: Supplied

I think my Grandma is obsessed with dying.

I grew up in Brisbane, I just visited it for the first time in too-long (Everything seems to be going well, by the way. I was worried with all the flooding and the Campbell Newman it would be a mess but it seemed quite nice. I like your new tunnel).

When I visited my Grandma she really went on about dying a lot. I think it's because she went to the doctor with an ailment and the doctor said "Oh, you're just old." Because they didn't do any tests she thinks they've given up. She's taken on extra bible study - "Cramming for my final exams!", she said. She's very funny.

She seems quite healthy to me, but when I told her that she seemed a bit disappointed. "Oh, I'm looking forward to seeing Ron again in heaven," she informed me.

I'm an atheist, but I used my better judgement and decided not to bring that up. It's the only time I've ever been happy religion exists. It's just such a shame her heaven representative is such a dope. I'm confident the Pope is a big idiot who spends too little time worrying about HIV or child abuse and too much time worrying about hats. I'm pretty sure she agrees with me but she would never say so.

She's a really cool Grandma, and I hope she's wrong about the doctors giving up. In reality it was probably all a clever ploy to get me to visit more often.

It worked.

Josh Thomas will be performing his new show Douchebag at the Brisbane Comedy Festival from 14-17 March. Tickets $30-$38 available through the Brisbane Powerhouse website.