For the first bachelorette party I ever hosted, the restaurant manager looked at me with wide eyes. “Sure, you can have it here,” He said carefully. “Just make sure nothing… inappropriate… happens.” The bride had requested the restaurant, but I was the host, and I found myself chuckling as he walked away. He only knew bachelorette parties in the context of what our culture produces… which gave him valid reason for concern!

But all the bachelorette parties I’ve been to or hosted have been nothing less than a celebration of marriage – in the best sense. There were no party favors shaped like anatomy; no bar hopping antics, like our world says are necessary before you get married. But there WAS a lot of laughter, some frilly gifts for the bride, and a community of women who want the very best for their friend.

The bachelorette is meant to be more intimate than a bridal or lingerie shower. It’s typically intended for only the bride and her bridesmaids. Some brides don’t have a bachelorette party at all, but more Christian brides are adding this to their pre-wedding ritual. If you’re a bridesmaid looking to throw a great bachelorette for your friend, here are a few tips.

Know the nature of the bridal party. Particularly if you’re hosting, you need to get a read on who is invited and if they are on the same page with the kind of party you want to throw. If the bride is a believer, and you are too, but not all of her maids are on the same page, you could end up with some conflict regarding what happens at the bachelorette. The same goes for more conservative attendees. I recommend talking to the bride to find out if anyone at the party will 1) be offended by lingerie gifts for the bride 2) attempt to go too far with the sexual aspect of pre-wedding parties and 3) attempt to commandeer the party for her own version of “fun”. If anyone comes to mind, either you or the bride need to communicate the nature of the party to that maid BEFORE it happens. She may decide not to attend, but at least she is aware ahead of time what the expectations are for the women invited.

Build the party around the bride. What does she like? What would be fun? You can be creative with this! Some women plan whole trips around their bachelorette. If that’s out of the budget, try going to a ropes course. Or laser tag. Or the good ole go-to, manicures. Whatever the bride is into is a great start for a fun bachelorette. You don’t have to do the typical manis-and-brunch or little black dress evening out (though both of those are great, and my personal preference!).

Accept that there will be discussion of sex – and that is okay. Your friend is GETTING MARRIED! That is so awesome, and it’s something to be celebrated. Another thing to be celebrated? That she gets to have sex with her husband, perhaps for the first time! Especially if your friend has walked the hard road of saving sex for marriage, this party (and her lingerie shower) is a time of celebration. If some of her friends tease and joke with her about sex (without being unnecessarily crude), there’s nothing wrong with this when done in celebratory good taste. Read more about celebrating God-designed sex in this blog post.

Do a fun activity highlighting each person’s friendship with the bride. Sometimes bridal and lingerie showers have attendees who aren’t in the bride’s inner circle. A great way to celebrate your friend is to have each girl share something sweet or funny about her, a friendship memory, something they noticed about her and the groom, a text from ages ago – to open or end the evening. If you’re doing a more intimate setting and didn’t do this at the bridal or lingerie showers, perhaps end the evening by praying over her as she enters her new season of marriage.

Bachelorette parties don’t have to be raunchy. But they can still be memorable! Did you host one or have one hosted for you? Share your tips and ideas with the Project Inspired community!

Phylicia Masonheimer is an author and speaker teaching women how to discern what is true, discuss the deep stuff, and accomplish God's will for their specific lives. She holds a B.S. in Religion from Liberty University, where she met her husband, Josh, and now lives in northern Michigan with her two daughters, Adeline and Geneva.

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