Friday, January 30, 2015

I have this
conversation weekly with my friend. We speak about love and I listen to her
dish, share pain and then happiness about certain situations. I then return
the favor and chimed in that I looked at my exes Instagram to honestly be nosey since he's been pooping up in my notifications and too test my prayer.
Here's what I mean by that, I've been praying for release. I've also been told
that if you pray for those who hurt you the most than God will release you from
them. Forgiveness isn't for them it truly is for you. So this morning, I looked
at his Instagram and what I saw would typically hurt someone. Especially if you
were that someone who helped with money, emotions, travel and took the lashing
when he was angry; much like I did in our situation. Instead of feeling
hurt because that another woman was receiving the treatment I sure as hell
deserved from him, I was happy for them. I knew then that my prayers really do
work. God really did release me from him, my emotions and our situation. I
prayed to God and said “Thank you” I continued on to pray that their happiness
within each other remain pure and true. I don’t want to see people not happy; I
hate the posts on “never again” when it comes to love. Love is a beautiful
thing and when taken seriously it has glorious results. Am I in love? Yes and
no. I’m in love with where I’m at now in life, something I couldn’t fathom me
saying months ago. I’m also in love with how my body looks, something I’ve
NEVER said before. I love the flub, tightness and dimples that make me up
despite what someone might call ‘”beautiful”. I’m also in love with my job,
writing and lastly GOD. He has shown me so much I know that one day soon it’ll
be my turn. I’m not rushing, I know my
career is demanding and my moves are sporadic, but I do welcome the idea of
Love with open arms now, something I was so against since my first heartbreak. So
yes I’m in love to a degree, but I also love knowing that it is going to happen
for me, I’m too awesome for love not to find me.

Friday, January 23, 2015

That's my editor Sione Aeschliman and I love her to pieces I found her on twitter and after she helped craft my second novel I Hate Social Networking into an even better piece of art; there's no doubt about me hiring her for ALL my future projects. She recently posted about me on her fabulous website, so check it out :)

Thursday, January 22, 2015

I knew I was ready when I stopped being afraid of the outcome. When I fully submitted my dreams and didn't get anxious or scared; when I trusted in God, is the moment that I knew I was ready.

Most of us hold onto things. We have a bad memory or that ONE person in our life who put doubt in us. Then when we try something new, we think of what they said. They're like that evil person on our shoulder making us doubt so that we don't try. I dislike reading these statuses on Facebook or Twitter "If i don't expect anything then I can't be disappointed" or "I knew that would happen which is why I didn't try" and so on, we all know those somber depressing statuses.

Question: Have you ever thought that those things happened because you DON'T expect a good result or that you didn't TRY?

The Secret... Many people swear by this and live by it. Celebrities like Oprah and Steve Harvey and many more have talked about it. The POWER of belief, action and patience is what it's all about. NOT to mention the POWER of thoughts and words that you posses. Which is why many old heads say "Watch what you say". If you have yet to read or watch The Secret I highly suggest that you do so. Speak things into existence, and be appreciative during the journey until they come your way. It's hard to be positive and happy all the time. It's hard to bless those around you when you KNOW they don't like you. It's hard to pray and wish best wishes for your enemy. I know trust me. But the power of forgiveness isn't for them, it's for you. Forgiveness sets your heart free and lets you live happily.

Trust me I HATED praying for my exes. The one who cheated, the one who put hands on me and so forth. It was tough! But I did it, now when I see a picture of them I don't get upset. My blood doesn't boil and I honestly, wholeheartedly wish them the best and pray for it for them. Why? Because I learned to true meaning of forgiveness and put it to use. Once that happened, those doors closed and new ones opened.

The POWER of forgiveness and the POWER of The Secret are two things I know are real, it's working for me right now. Just try it. It's not easy but once you get the hang of it, it's worth it.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

I read, and hear people talk about various things all the time. One thing I hate hearing is when people who are "spoiled" talk about hardships because mommy or daddy didn't buy them something. I met a 27 year old woman the other day, we were at a hangout and she had a tempertantrum because her dad said no to paying her BMW bill. I also know someone who's mother still dresses her up as a barbie. Can I also throw in someone I know who throws a FIT when she hears "no" or doesn't get her way? Keep in mind these are GROWN women, or atleast should be. At what point do people cut that cord with their grown children? When do you allow them to fend for themself and learn to be an adult? Allow them to learn about responsibility? I know that parents will always love their children and be there if they can; but when do you, as a parent say enough?

I listened and conversed with a few people who envy those who have it like that. They complained about them getting the upper hand because they constantly have help. It was a 30 minute discussion that I was tuning in and out of. Then when they asked me "Eb what do you think?". I closed my eyes and took a breath so here it is.

I can't get mad at those who have it like that. The entitled, spoiled sheltered or whatever you chose to call them. I know if my family was in that position then MAYBE they might do the same for me.What I can do is be happy and thankful that my family isn't in that situation. Because if they were, I might be like the chick who asked me "do you know where the gas tank is?". I'm fully independent, think for myself, I know what it takes to make things happen, I have this drive that can't be stopped and I don't pout when being told "no". There's a different make up because of how I was brought up and being selfefficient is one thing I'm very thankful for. I see people struggle to be alone, struggle to learn the basic skills of pumping gas, money management, cooking, cleaning and so on. For me it's second nature to figure stuff out and make a way. So I don't get mad at those who can't be independent instead I'm happy because I am. So stop looking at someone elses life and envying what they have and you don't. Know the grass is never greener on the other side, that's why we have our own lawns to mow and nuture. If we take care of what God gave us we can make it grow into this beautiful landscape we never knew existed. Don't look at someone elses journey and try to follow suit, what worked for them might not work for you. Why? Because it's a path God inteded for them to take not for you to mimic. So be happy with the cards you've been delt, at the end of the day it's a great hand. Live your life the best way you know how. Think about it

Thursday, January 15, 2015

There's no handbook that outlines your life. We wont know when storms are coming or how high to jump when that speed bump is right in front of us. The only thing we do know is that God is in charge and with him everything will be alright. Even if you haven't found him yet, someone is praying for you. We all need help from time to time, and I'm glad to say mine comes from him and one other person. I've been here for about four months now, and I'm glad that one person has helped me, loved on me, and checks in on me. NO this person isn't family instead like she says "we are the family we choose".

People don't want anything to do with you when you're at home. They throw shade and talk about you. BUT the moment you get out and start to do well, the messages start coming, now we are "family", all of a sudden my friend requests have spiked to at least 30 a day! I love getting requests from those who I know don't like me, of course I'll add you. I've prayed for you and I know you want to see into my life, so be my guest. My IG is public so is my twitter follow and join the journey! :) Nonetheless the "support" (even if it's shady) is appreciated ;).

2015 is going to be very different. Not only is my drive on fire but God is constantly working through me even at times when I wanted to give up. I know the best is yet to come, but what Gods doing right now; I cant help but get on my knees and thank him. Plenty of projects in the works and new goals that I won't share because honestly I'd rather show you than tell you.

One thing I noticed is my pattern when talking to people has changed. I asked God to remove those who I don't need and who aren't here for my best interest. Funny thing, I don't even think about the "friends" that I used to have. I use quotations because they would call when they needed something. I now respond to people in the way they have to me. I don't reach out anymore I don't stretch myself thin and put others before me. I talk to 3 people on a regular basis the others are just nosy so I ignore them and get to them when I choose.

One thing I do love is the level of support I've gained from Facebook, twitter and Instagram. People I have never met are wishing me the best, retweeting my stuff, and also sharing on Facebook. I never thought I would be able to reach people like that, and it's truly humbling so thank you! When someone messages me saying "you're a fantastic personality" or I get job offers from online and satellite radio programs, or even get tweets from famous celebs it all lets me know I'm on the right path; and it's reassuring that I do matter in this world, I have a place.

My life is on the internet. What's next is going to spectacular. Thank you for all the support; even if you're lurking ;)

Friday, January 9, 2015

How many of us have heard that. Or "you're overreacting" my favorite "it's not even a big deal". I hated hearing those things from people. Especially from those who I leaned on and needed to help uplift me. It wasn't until years later when I realized those who are saying those hurtful phrases or "words of advice" weren't looking out for my best interest. Instead it was something to say because they didn't care about how I felt.

It's hard to get over something when you used to live in a place that would remind you of that person or situation. It's like people are happy and rush to the opportunity to boast about that person who hurt you. To show you pictures or relay information about how well that other person is doing. Flaunting your pain right in front of your face, just to get a reaction.

I learned that the best reaction is to not have one. I learned to play the game; I was the queen at acting, pretending that it didn't bother me. The more I pretended the easier it got to mask my emotions. Soon it got to the point where I couldn't mask it anymore, the taunting and the flaunting; I wanted it and I needed it to go away. So I went away.

Now it's easier to deal with the pain, to relax and honestly with my entire heart heal. We all need to heal, but lets face it plenty of people would rather see you in pain, gain weight, and be an emotional disaster. People love to see you fall apart; don't give them that satisfaction. I'll keep it short today and say:

Some are complaining about the dancing between Shia and one of the girls from dance moms. Coming from an artistic aspect I dont' see anything wrong with it. When you listen to the words and watch their movements it's actually beautifully done.