Month: April 2014

The last few days have been nothing short of amazing. We’ve spent the last weekend in Bend not only to see friends but to just get away. Every time we go to Bend we leave a little heavy hearted. I think this time was when it really sunk in how badly we want to be there full time.

Living in Portland is amazing on it’s own. Close to the river, mountains, and the ocean. But Bend…. I don’t even know what else to say. Have you ever gone on a trip and just realized how much of your heart is there. Thats where we’re currently at.

Coming home this morning had a bit of mixed emotions. We came home to our fur babies but it just wasn’t the same. L and I love where we live and how we live but there’s just something about Bend. A great is example is Friday afternoon we spent our day visiting different brewery’s. The weather was extremely bipolar (sun, snow, then more sun then snow) but everyone just continued on with their day like it was nothing. If you have ever been to Portland during a snow storm you know how this place just shuts down.

I know every one has there place and I truly believe we have found ours. The whole trip we talked about the idea of just doing it but there is so much more involved than just picking up and going for us. In hopes of replacing the sadness of leaving we are planning many trips back this summer.

Recently I’ve been a bit MIA from everything. I’ve been really focusing on my Hood to Coast training and my Rock n Roll half training. Then there’s this thing called life that likes to jump in… I don’t want to say I’m overwhelmed. Just a bit shocked how quickly time is passing.

L and I have been pretty busy going through the motions that is our daily routine. It’s silly to feel so shocked how quickly time is passing when we don’t give ourselves any free time to just enjoy.

We’re quickly approaching our first anniversary and we haven’t really done anything notable. Are we suppose to be living interesting, glamorous life’s? I think our quiet life works for us currently.

I need to be more aware of how engrossed I become with my daily routine and try to refocus sometimes. Just enjoy. I’m not trying to write a deep post today, just trying to be more aware of my surroundings.

I’m not 100% positive how it happened, but I have joined a team for Hood to Coast. I guess it just came up in casual conversation at work, a co-worker happened to have a spot open on his team and bang I agreed. H2C is something I’ve grown up hearing about and watching. Getting on a team is tough, and even though I enjoy running I never actually thought I would one day be able to participate.

After finishing the Shamrock 5K last month.

Once I finished the Shamrock run it really hit me I need to start training. Well mainly because later that day pictured above my uncle and I agreed to participate in the Rock n Roll Half on May 18th. Now get me wrong, I’m very excited for this year and the goals I’ve set for myself. But something in me, that I like to hide deep down inside, is starting to resurface.

I’ve starting conditioning three days a week and running with my H2C team once a week. Four days a week of pretty intense toning/cardio. I’m seeing my body change and develop to be an amazing machine. But the other day while getting ready I started picking out every flaw. I’ve even noticed my eating habits have changed. This inner demon comes out without me even realizing it. This demon is frustrated when I see other women running and I’m not where they are athletically (even weight wise). The me writing this is happy with the person I am physically, but that demon is telling me I’m not good enough.

I don’t want to be the girl counting calories or the girl that looks too thin. I want to see the strength I’ve been building, and the amazing machine I’m building. I know its not me when I look at myself in the mirror or even a picture and all I see is love handles or double chins.

I believe everyone has an inner demon. I also feel we need to let everyone talk about that inner demon. I’ve tried to talk to a few friends regarding mine and its frustrating when they basically tell me I don’t have any reason to have weight issues. My demon isn’t a weight issue, she’s an appearance issue. She tells me I’m not good enough no matter how hard I try.

So I’m making the choice through all this training to lose that demon. Kicking her to the curb. I work hard, and should be able to enjoy my successes. I’m not perfect and don’t want to be perfect. I just want to enjoy me, myself, and I without that demon comparing me to the other gal in the room.