The unbearable triteness of being Super Bowl champs

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It’s a wonder we’ve all survived. Somehow, planes are still inching down the line at Boeing, orders are being taken at Amazon, and infuriating “ERROR Code 404” messages are being developed over at Microsoft.

All notable achievements for a region in the throes of a full-on “identity crisis.”

That was the post-Super-Bowl verdict of media geniuses near and far, all leaping at the chance to armchair-psychoanalyze what the Seahawks’ stunning 43-8 pantsing of the Denver Broncos “said about the city.”

By various estimations, Seattle’s new status as a Super Bowl champion highlights our: passive-aggressiveness, niceness, inferiority complex, Scandinavian indifference, neediness, giddiness, utilitarian practicality, outdoorsiness, cheekiness and meekness. No less an authority on places outside Manhattan than The New York Times noted our propensity to smile and wave at other drivers (um ...) and our “conflicted local soul,” ultimately labeling Seattle the “Oakland of the North.”

Mr. Wrap, who still prefers to think of Seattle more as the Yellowknife of the South, has his own theory about where the city now stands: Two weeks ago, Seattle was a diverse, thriving community in a stunning environment. Today it still is — with a shiny trophy and some cool sports memories.

Good enough. And the rest of the country can get back to paying little attention to us any time, thanks.

More Super-gross generalizations:

Seriously, Though: The victory parade was cool, and sure to be a lifetime memory to the crowd estimated at 3.7 million by a cop at Fourth and Pine.

Speaking of Ego: Seattle once again was ranked second “most-literate city” in the country. It’s a nice honor, but people are still smarting over being runner-up to Duvall.

Further Feathering Their Nest: Legislators in the state House have voted to raise their own per diem by $30 a day, to $120. You can’t blame them; a person can only live off the leftover brioche and caviar from those big Boeing payola fiestas for so long.

Speaking of Boeing: Pretty shocking,
Dominic Gates story about the shoddiness of work on 787 Dreamsmokers being built in the company’s cost-saving, profit-boosting, Charleston, S.C., factory — a problem that one official said was “snowballing.” We’ve come to expect low-bidder shoddiness in construction of highways, floating bridges and toasters. Airplanes? Sorry. You don’t get a chance to unmake those mistakes.

Meanwhile, Directly Overhead:
Critics are doubting the scientific value of America’s $100 billion investment in the international space station. OK, and where were you all when it launched 16 years ago?

On the Other Hand: Russia just spent $50 billion on a Sochi Olympics that will do little to nothing to modernize the troubled Caucasus Region. Waste is all relative.

Speaking of Sochi: It was good to see that Russian strongman Vladimir Putin was not, in fact, shirtless at the opening ceremony for the Sochi Games. No telling what was or was not beneath that Olympic lap blanket, however.

And Finally: Nice to see Gov. Jay Inslee learning on the job. His efforts to console losing Super Bowl QB Peyton Manning were rebuffed. But at least the guv was able to tell the world, without hesitation, that he “respected the outcome” of the game. Baby steps, people.

Ron Judd’s column appears each Sunday. Reach him at rjudd@seattletimes.com or 206-464-8280.