The Main Office issued a general advisory today concerning the health and mental risks of banana consumption.

Exhibit 1: Suu

Suu gives up a promising life of living as a hawt adult princess/despot of a small nation. She has her choice of men/servents/cabana boys, yet she passes them all up to live as a loli and compete for the Keitaro sweepstakes. Grats. Would any young female with an IQ within five standard deviations of “normal” make that choice? The culprit? Suu 大好き bananas.

Exhibit 2: Miharu “Robotic”

While I won’t classify any of the Da Capo girls as Haruhi-level brilliant, I can’t think of another harem character who almost Monica Lewinski’ed Jun’inchi because she thought he had a banana in his pocket. Obviously, she is such a banana addict, she lost her common sense while pursing the curved, stiff fruit. The reason for her lapse in judgement? Robotic Miharu 大好き bananas.

Exhibit 3: Miharu “Bouncy”

An even lower wattage Miharu. She gets free bananas at the local shopping center because of the way she eats them. Whereas Mikuru-ran gets paid for promoting groceries by appealing to deviant sexual fetishes, Miharu is doing it for free. Why? Bouncy Miharu 大好き bananas.

Exhibit 4: Yuna

Quite possibly the most clueless harem anime lead ever and considering her company on this list, it’s quite a feat. Since the anime ended without an episode showing Yuna undergoing a lobotomy, I’m guessing that her current state is because of a high concentration of banana in her system. What else could cause an otherwise “normal” girl to sing “Banana~ banana~ banana~” in front of a few thousand terrified people? Yuna 大好き bananas.

Exhibit 5: Tenma

The master of poor timing and misunderstandings. Seeing Yakumo, Eri, Akira, and Tenma eat lunch together is like seeing a BMW 500, a Mercedes SLR, a Lexus SC, and a Dodge Stratus in the same parking lot. Why is Tenma always so… “off”? Tenma 大好き bananas.

While bananas may contain helpful “vitamins” and “minerals,” they may also be ticking time bombs of mental impairment. There are many possible explainations for why bananas cause such a deterioration in both common sense and IQ. Some proport that bananas are actually an alien food introduced by alien space frogs to help barbiturate the general population in order to facilitate the conquering of Pokopen Earth. Others argue that bananas have a special enzyme when combined with the harem enzyme found in harem characters, the resultant combination kills brain cells. A dissenting group suggests that being in a harem led by a typical loser male erodes the brain more fully than bananas ever could. Until then, young females under the influence of loser-harem-leads should stay clear of bananas.

4 Responses to “bananas stump intellectual growth in young females”

Actually the blackening so bananas is caused in part by the neurotransmitter seratonin. This might have explianed why characters with pronounced logical defects favor bananas. Unfortunately the seratonin can’t be ingested or smoked thus it can’t pass through the blood brain barrier by any proven means. Thus attempting to use black banana peels as a narcotic is a fruitless effort.

I have also noticed that bananas are only served in limited quantities at mess halls. Apples, canteloupe, honey dew, grapes, and oranges seem to rule the roost. i guess the Pentagon has long suspected that bananas cause cognative impairment. Rumsfeld would be proud to put your name in for a medal of freedom for exposing this most un-American fo fruits, not that it amounts to much these days.

-This is 29 Accacia Road, and this is Eric the schoolboy who leads an amazing double life. For when Eric eats a banana an amazing transformation occurs. Eric is Bananaman. Ever alert for the call to action!

Actually, the girls had a contest where they shoved bananas up their ears. The bananas, when shoved too far, went squish, and got lodged in their brain. Thus causing the stupidity. Too much banana flesh in their heads.

(A shoutout to http://www.vgcats.com/ for giving me the idea. Because when I read it, I was reminded of that Mario Kart comic he did.)