Here's one of my faves:
Three men get in a plane, one brings aboard a banana, one an apple, and the other a bomb. Once on board, the first guy eats his banana and asks the flight intendant what he should do with his banana peel, and she replies, "Through it out the window." So he does. A few minutes later, the second man eats his apple and asks the lady what to do with his apple core. Again, she replies, "Through it out the window." So he does. The third guy asks what he should do with his bomb, as before, she tells him to through it out the window.
When the plane lands, the men go for a walk when they see a little boy crying. They ask him what's wrong and he tells them, "I was riding my bike when a banana peel lands infront of me and I slip on it." They appologize and continue on when they see a little girl crying, and so they ask her what's wrong. "I was walking when an apple fell on my head." They felt sorry and apoligized. A few steps later the spotted an old man laughing histarically and so they stopped and said, "What's so funny, old man?" The man looks at them and replies, "I farted and my house blew up."Permalink

Quoting Jackson Williams
This is where you can tell jokes and riddles.

Here's one of my faves:
Three men get in a plane, one brings aboard a banana, one an apple, and the other a bomb. Once on board, the first guy eats his banana and asks the flight intendant what he should do with his banana peel, and she replies, "Through it out the window." So he does. A few minutes later, the second man eats his apple and asks the lady what to do with his apple core. Again, she replies, "Through it out the window." So he does. The third guy asks what he should do with his bomb, as before, she tells him to through it out the window.
When the plane lands, the men go for a walk when they see a little boy crying. They ask him what's wrong and he tells them, "I was riding my bike when a banana peel lands infront of me and I slip on it." They appologize and continue on when they see a little girl crying, and so they ask her what's wrong. "I was walking when an apple fell on my head." They felt sorry and apoligized. A few steps later the spotted an old man laughing histarically and so they stopped and said, "What's so funny, old man?" The man looks at them and replies, "I farted and my house blew up."

Okay, here's one. A man is driving a car, and he wrecks. Then he hears music coming from a monastery. He goes to it and asks the head monk where it's coming from. To which the head monk replies, "Can't tell you, you're not a monk." " But if you want to train for ten years to become a monk, I will show you." Ten years later, the man is a monk. So he says, "Okay I'm a monk. Now what is that music?" "Come with me." Replies the head monk. They walk through a door, and inside there is a table, a key, and another door. So they do this several times, until they come to a room with a gold key and gold door. They unlocked it, opened the door, and what do you think the man saw?Permalink

Quoting Mr Viking
Okay, here's one. A man is driving a car, and he wrecks. Then he hears music coming from a monastery. He goes to it and asks the head monk where it's coming from. To which the head monk replies, "Can't tell you, you're not a monk." " But if you want to train for ten years to become a monk, I will show you." Ten years later, the man is a monk. So he says, "Okay I'm a monk. Now what is that music?" "Come with me." Replies the head monk. They walk through a door, and inside there is a table, a key, and another door. So they do this several times, until they come to a room with a gold key and gold door. They unlocked it, opened the door, and what do you think the man saw?

Quoting Mr Viking
Okay, here's one. A man is driving a car, and he wrecks. Then he hears music coming from a monastery. He goes to it and asks the head monk where it's coming from. To which the head monk replies, "Can't tell you, you're not a monk." " But if you want to train for ten years to become a monk, I will show you." Ten years later, the man is a monk. So he says, "Okay I'm a monk. Now what is that music?" "Come with me." Replies the head monk. They walk through a door, and inside there is a table, a key, and another door. So they do this several times, until they come to a room with a gold key and gold door. They unlocked it, opened the door, and what do you think the man saw?

A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!Permalink

Quoting Sam Aiello formerly Shy Guy
A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!

I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow.

For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green printed fine. Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges. I had the customer delete and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my coworkers for help; they offered no new ideas.

After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly, "Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of this yellow paper?"Permalink

Quoting Sam Aiello formerly Shy Guy
A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!

Okay, another riddle. No looking it up. You have ten bags of coins. Each bag has ten coins in it. One bag is full of counterfeit coins. You have a scale, but you can only use it once. How do you find the bag of countefeit coins?Permalink

Quoting Mr Viking
Okay, another riddle. No looking it up. You have ten bags of coins. Each bag has ten coins in it. One bag is full of counterfeit coins. You have a scale, but you can only use it once. How do you find the bag of countefeit coins?

Quoting Mr Viking
Okay, another riddle. No looking it up. You have ten bags of coins. Each bag has ten coins in it. One bag is full of counterfeit coins. You have a scale, but you can only use it once. How do you find the bag of countefeit coins?

Quoting Mr Viking
Okay, another riddle. No looking it up. You have ten bags of coins. Each bag has ten coins in it. One bag is full of counterfeit coins. You have a scale, but you can only use it once. How do you find the bag of countefeit coins?

Here's a joke. A man is stopped by a cop for speeding. The cop says "I need to check your glove compartment". "Ahh, I don't really want to open my glove compartment, because I've got a gun in there." Okay, I need to check your trunk." "Ahh, I don;t really want to open my trunk, because I've got a dead body in there." So the officer calls for backup, and a second cop comes up to the car. " Sir, I need to check your glove compartment". "Sure!" The man replies. The cop checks it, and everything's fine. "Okay, I need to check your trunk." "Sure!" The man says again. The cop checks it, and everythings fine. "The first officer told me that you had a gun in your glove compartment and a dead body in your trunk." The man replies, "Yeah, I'll bet that lying guy told you I was speeding too". Permalink

Quoting Mr Viking
Here's a joke. A man is stopped by a cop for speeding. The cop says "I need to check your glove compartment". "Ahh, I don't really want to open my glove compartment, because I've got a gun in there." Okay, I need to check your trunk." "Ahh, I don;t really want to open my trunk, because I've got a dead body in there." So the officer calls for backup, and a second cop comes up to the car. " Sir, I need to check your glove compartment". "Sure!" The man replies. The cop checks it, and everything's fine. "Okay, I need to check your trunk." "Sure!" The man says again. The cop checks it, and everythings fine. "The first officer told me that you had a gun in your glove compartment and a dead body in your trunk." The man replies, "Yeah, I'll bet that lying guy told you I was speeding too".

Quoting Jackson Williams
Please!!! Me and my whole family can't come up with it and there are 9 of us.

Okay. You tale one coin out of the first bag, two out of the second, three out of the third, four out of the fourth, five out of the fifth, six out of the sixth, seven out of the seventh, eight out of the eighth, nine out of the ninth, and all ten out of the tenth. Then you put them all on the scale. And whatever part of the decmal it says, that is the bag that is counterfeit. If it says .7, it came from the seventh bag, and so forth. Tricky huh?Permalink

Quoting Mr Viking
Okay. You tale one coin out of the first bag, two out of the second, three out of the third, four out of the fourth, five out of the fifth, six out of the sixth, seven out of the seventh, eight out of the eighth, nine out of the ninth, and all ten out of the tenth. Then you put them all on the scale. And whatever part of the decmal it says, that is the bag that is counterfeit. If it says .7, it came from the seventh bag, and so forth. Tricky huh?

I have one more joke. Three men are on buisness in Mexico, and they get drunk and wake up in jail and find out that they are about to be exceuted, though they can't remember what they did. The guards strap the first man into the electric chair and ask him for his last words. He says" I'm from Yale Divinity School, and I belive on the power of God to protect the innocent". They throw the switch, and nothing happens. They figure God wants the man alive, so they let him go. The second man is strapped in, and is asked ofr his last words. "I'm from the Harvard School of Law, and I belive that the law protects the innocent." He says. The switch is thrown, again, nothing. They figure that the law is on this man's side, so they let him go. The third man is strapped in, and he says. "I'm an electricial engineer from MIT, and you arn't eletrocuting anybody if you don't connect those two loose wires."Permalink

Quoting Mr Viking
I have one more joke. Three men are on buisness in Mexico, and they get drunk and wake up in jail and find out that they are about to be exceuted, though they can't remember what they did. The guards strap the first man into the electric chair and ask him for his last words. He says" I'm from Yale Divinity School, and I belive on the power of God to protect the innocent". They throw the switch, and nothing happens. They figure God wants the man alive, so they let him go. The second man is strapped in, and is asked ofr his last words. "I'm from the Harvard School of Law, and I belive that the law protects the innocent." He says. The switch is thrown, again, nothing. They figure that the law is on this man's side, so they let him go. The third man is strapped in, and he says. "I'm an electricial engineer from MIT, and you arn't eletrocuting anybody if you don't connect those two loose wires."

Quoting Mr Viking
I have one more joke. Three men are on buisness in Mexico, and they get drunk and wake up in jail and find out that they are about to be exceuted, though they can't remember what they did. The guards strap the first man into the electric chair and ask him for his last words. He says" I'm from Yale Divinity School, and I belive on the power of God to protect the innocent". They throw the switch, and nothing happens. They figure God wants the man alive, so they let him go. The second man is strapped in, and is asked ofr his last words. "I'm from the Harvard School of Law, and I belive that the law protects the innocent." He says. The switch is thrown, again, nothing. They figure that the law is on this man's side, so they let him go. The third man is strapped in, and he says. "I'm an electricial engineer from MIT, and you arn't eletrocuting anybody if you don't connect those two loose wires."

Quoting Mr Viking
I have one more joke. Three men are on buisness in Mexico, and they get drunk and wake up in jail and find out that they are about to be exceuted, though they can't remember what they did. The guards strap the first man into the electric chair and ask him for his last words. He says" I'm from Yale Divinity School, and I belive on the power of God to protect the innocent". They throw the switch, and nothing happens. They figure God wants the man alive, so they let him go. The second man is strapped in, and is asked ofr his last words. "I'm from the Harvard School of Law, and I belive that the law protects the innocent." He says. The switch is thrown, again, nothing. They figure that the law is on this man's side, so they let him go. The third man is strapped in, and he says. "I'm an electricial engineer from MIT, and you arn't eletrocuting anybody if you don't connect those two loose wires."

Quoting Mr Viking
I have one more joke. Three men are on buisness in Mexico, and they get drunk and wake up in jail and find out that they are about to be exceuted, though they can't remember what they did. The guards strap the first man into the electric chair and ask him for his last words. He says" I'm from Yale Divinity School, and I belive on the power of God to protect the innocent". They throw the switch, and nothing happens. They figure God wants the man alive, so they let him go. The second man is strapped in, and is asked ofr his last words. "I'm from the Harvard School of Law, and I belive that the law protects the innocent." He says. The switch is thrown, again, nothing. They figure that the law is on this man's side, so they let him go. The third man is strapped in, and he says. "I'm an electricial engineer from MIT, and you arn't eletrocuting anybody if you don't connect those two loose wires."

Ok here is one.
There were 3 guys out in an old farmers backyard doing cookies. When the farmer finds them he told them to come to him. when they got there he told them "Go out to my garden and pick ten of you favorite fruit." So they all did that. When the first one got back with grapes the farmer told him "Cram it up your nose." "what?" he asked. "Just do what I say," says the farmer. Then the second one comes back with strawberries and the farmer tells him "Shove them up your nose," "What?" he asks. And the farmer tells him "Just do it." When he gets to about the third one he starts dying laughing and the farmer asks him, "Whats so funny?" "Freds out there picking watermelons!" the boy says. Permalink

Quoting Josh E
Ok here is one.
There were 3 guys out in an old farmers backyard doing cookies. When the farmer finds them he told them to come to him. when they got there he told them "Go out to my garden and pick ten of you favorite fruit." So they all did that. When the first one got back with grapes the farmer told him "Cram it up your nose." "what?" he asked. "Just do what I say," says the farmer. Then the second one comes back with strawberries and the farmer tells him "Shove them up your nose," "What?" he asks. And the farmer tells him "Just do it." When he gets to about the third one he starts dying laughing and the farmer asks him, "Whats so funny?" "Freds out there picking watermelons!" the boy says.

Quoting Josh E
Ok here is one.
There were 3 guys out in an old farmers backyard doing cookies. When the farmer finds them he told them to come to him. when they got there he told them "Go out to my garden and pick ten of you favorite fruit." So they all did that. When the first one got back with grapes the farmer told him "Cram it up your nose." "what?" he asked. "Just do what I say," says the farmer. Then the second one comes back with strawberries and the farmer tells him "Shove them up your nose," "What?" he asks. And the farmer tells him "Just do it." When he gets to about the third one he starts dying laughing and the farmer asks him, "Whats so funny?" "Freds out there picking watermelons!" the boy says.

Ok here's one, A drunk walk's into a bar and asked the bartender if he can have a drink, the bartender say's no. So the drunk walks out of the bar. The drunk then come's in through the side door, he asked the bartender if he could have a drink. The bartender say's, I thought you were just in here, now get out! So the drunk walk's out. Then he come's in through the back door. He asked the barteneder if he could have a drink, the bartender said if you come in here one more time, I'm going to call the Cops. The drunk then say's, man no bars in this town will serve me.Permalink

Quoting Justin M
Ok here's one, A drunk walk's into a bar and asked the bartender if he can have a drink, the bartender say's no. So the drunk walks out of the bar. The drunk then come's in through the side door, he asked the bartender if he could have a drink. The bartender say's, I thought you were just in here, now get out! So the drunk walk's out. Then he come's in through the back door. He asked the barteneder if he could have a drink, the bartender if you come in here one more time, I'm going to call the Cops. The drunk then say's, man no bars in this town will serve me.

Quoting Justin M
Ok here's one, A drunk walk's into a bar and asked the bartender if he can have a drink, the bartender say's no. So the drunk walks out of the bar. The drunk then come's in through the side door, he asked the bartender if he could have a drink. The bartender say's, I thought you were just in here, now get out! So the drunk walk's out. Then he come's in through the back door. He asked the barteneder if he could have a drink, the bartender if you come in here one more time, I'm going to call the Cops. The drunk then say's, man no bars in this town will serve me.

Quoting Justin M
Ok here's one, A drunk walk's into a bar and asked the bartender if he can have a drink, the bartender say's no. So the drunk walks out of the bar. The drunk then come's in through the side door, he asked the bartender if he could have a drink. The bartender say's, I thought you were just in here, now get out! So the drunk walk's out. Then he come's in through the back door. He asked the barteneder if he could have a drink, the bartender said if you come in here one more time, I'm going to call the Cops. The drunk then say's, man no bars in this town will serve me.

Quoting Justin M
Ok here's one, A drunk walk's into a bar and asked the bartender if he can have a drink, the bartender say's no. So the drunk walks out of the bar. The drunk then come's in through the side door, he asked the bartender if he could have a drink. The bartender say's, I thought you were just in here, now get out! So the drunk walk's out. Then he come's in through the back door. He asked the barteneder if he could have a drink, the bartender said if you come in here one more time, I'm going to call the Cops. The drunk then say's, man no bars in this town will serve me.

In the beginning God created the heavens and the ABS. Now the ABS was formless and empty, other hobbies were over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the pellets.
And God said, “Let there be LEGO,” and there was LEGO. God saw that the LEGO was good, and he separated the LEGO from the other hobbies. God called the LEGO “brickday,” and the other hobbies he called “bricknight.” And there was brickevening, and there was brickmorning—the first day.

And God said, “Let there be a vault between the pellets to separate pellets from pellets.” So God made the vault and separated the pellets under the vault from the pellets above it. And it was so. God called the vault “bricksky.” And there was brickevening, and there was brickmorning—the second day.

And God said, “Let the pellets under the bricksky be gathered to one place, and let dry brick appear.” And it was so. God called the dry brick “LEGOland,” and the gathered pellets he called “ABseas.” And God saw that it was good.
Then God said, “Let the LEGOland produce vegetation: stud-bearing plates and trees on the LEGOland that bear 2x4 with stud in it, according to their various kinds.” And it was so. The LEGOland produced vegetation: plates bearing stud according to their kinds and trees bearing 2x4 with stud in it according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good. And there was brickevening, and there was brickmorning—the third day.

And God said, “Let there be headlights in the vault of the bricksky to separate the brickday from the bricknight, and let them serve as signs to mark sorted times, and brickdays and brickyears, and let them be lights in the vault of the bricksky to give headlight on the ABS.” And it was so. God made two great headlights—the greater headlight to govern the brickday and the lesser headlight to govern the bricknight. He also made the BIONICLE stars. God set them in the vault of the bricksky to give headlight on the earth, to govern the brickday and the bricknight, and to separate LEGO from other hobbies. And God saw that it was good. And there was brickevening, and there was brickmorning—the fourth day.

And God said, “Let the pellets teem with living creatures, and let gukko birds fly above the earth across the vault of the bricksky.” So God created the great creatures of the ABsea and every living thing with which the pellets teems and that moves about in it, according to their kinds, and every winged gukko bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the pellets in the ABseas, and let the gukko birds increase on the earth.” And there was brickevening, and there was brickmorning—the fifth day.

And God said, “Let the land produce living creations according to their kinds: the livebrick, the creations that move along the brick, and the wild rahi, each according to its kind.” And it was so. God made the wild rahi according to their kinds, the livebrick according to their kinds, and all the creations that move along the brick according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good.
Then God said, “Let us make minifigures in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the hydronauts in the ABsea and the gukko birds in the bricksky, over the livebrick and all the wild Rahi, and over all the creations that move along the brick.”

So God created manfig in his own image,
in the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them.

God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the ABS and sub build it. Rule over the hydronauts in the ABsea and the gukko birds in the bricksky and over every living creation that moves on the brick.”
Then God said, “I give you every stud-bearing plate on the face of the whole ABS and every tree that has 2x4 with stud in it. They will be yours for MOCing. And to all the builds of the ABS and all the gukko birds in the bricksky and all the creations that move along the brick—everything that has the breath of LEGO in it—I give every green plate for MOCing.” And it was so.
God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was brickevening, and there was brickmorning—the sixth day.
Thus the heavens and the earth were completed in all their vast array.

By the seventh day God had finished the MOCing he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his MOCing. Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done.

Quoting The Prime Brick-ester
Here`s one:
There`s three guys in a police chase and they stop at an old farm. The first guy hides in a stable, the second one hides in a pigpen and the last guy hides in a pile of potatoes. Then the cops get there. They walk up to the stable. The guy says: "Neigh,Neigh!" the cop said: "There`s nothing there but a horse." Then they walk up to the pigpen. The guy says "Oink,Oink!"the cop said: "There`s nothing there but a pig." Then they walk up to the potato pile. The guy says: "Potato,Potato." The cops said: "There`s nothing there but a pile of potatoes. Then the cops leave.

Quoting / [brad]
The corvette, corvettes are cars and was a type of sailing vessel. its a pun, a joke that plays on words that have the same name but are spelled different and/or have different meanings.