10 Excuses to Get Out of Dating

Dating isn’t all it was cracked up to be. Beyond the fact the most dates consist of the unimaginative dinner and a movie, there is the tension of waiting for the agreed upon hour to arrive, the preparations for the date, and the date itself is consumed with either trying to make an impression instead of simply enjoying the evening out, or trying not to because you suddenly realize this date simply isn’t kindling any romantic fires.

Being a professional non-dater does not mean a lack of interest in relationships. For many, a date means the relationship is going to go too far, too fast and is doomed for disaster. Getting to know the person very often degenerates into learning skill sets for warding off advances that are apparently an obligatory ritual of the date. It might seem practical to just say no, but saying no can have two distinct disadvantages. It can either discourage a suitor you really did want to get to know; just not so fast, or encourage a suitor who thinks you’re simply playing hard to get.

As a non-dater, you probably have many sensitivities, which are part of what makes it so difficult for you to just relax and enjoy a date. One of these sensitivities is a great deal of reluctance to state those words of rejection. You don’t wish to cause pain; you may actually be interested in the person in a friendly way, and you don’t want it to seem you are simply playing aloof as an attention grabber. You begin to become inventive in your excuses not to date so you can enjoy your non-committed status without feelings of guilt. Those excuses can wear a little thin, and without a great deal of imagination, leave you floundering for what to say next. From there worst to their best, here are the secret top ten excuses of successful non-daters.

10. “I have a disease.”

Or if you really want to scare them, an infectious disease. Diseases in general, you have to be very particular about, as some of them will gain more sympathetic attraction than rejection. Most skilled date dodgers choose one that has long-term degenerative effects, and occasionally engage in a little bizarre behavior, blaming it on the disease. Saying you have an infectious disease is a high risk excuse. It could scare everybody away, even the ones you want to come closer.

9. “Actually, I’m married.”

This is most effective if you buy and wear a wedding band, but there are two drawbacks involved with the marriage excuse. One, that wedding band might be discouraging the ones you would like to know, and two, a lot of people are attracted to those who are already married. If you’re a true non-dater, you’re going to have to fabricate a pretty good background for your fantasy partner.

8. “I have a jealous partner relationship.”

The not-married-but-I-have a jealous significant other excuse is actually a little more effective than the marriage excuses. The advantages of the jealous significant other are; (a) you don’t have to come up with an excuse as to why that partner isn’t living in your apartment and (b) there is more nervousness involved about stepping into the territory of jealous partners than there is about pursuing a married person. The disadvantage is that at some point you may have to convince a friend or a family member to appear now and then to play the role of the jealous partner.

7. “I’m studying.”

You could tell your inquirer you have no time to date; that between two jobs, you take evening studies. This excuse has some degree of effectiveness, but you are still going to have to fend off the pressure to take a break now and then from your “studies” and at worst, the pursuing dater might wish to help you. This could be tricky, obliging you to actually take a few study courses.

6. “I’m celibate.”

Taking a vow of celibacy is a medium-risk excuse. Although there are a great many who respect this choice, there are always those in the crowd whose main goal is your conversion. It does very well however, in terms of taking your time to develop friendships. You can keep your would-be reformers at bay with no more than a gentle smile and pick through the playing field if you seriously want a relationship

5. “I’m a caretaker.”

This is generally a very good excuse. If you explain that you take care of someone at the end of the day, and cannot go out on a date without bringing your patient along, most would-be suitors lose their interest pretty quickly. However, if the person is persistent enough, he or she might wish to see the person you are care-taking, which would oblige you to find a disabled person to take out on a date.

4. “I’m gay.”

This excuse has a lot of advantages. By stating you’re not interested in the opposite sex, you can keep would-be suitors at bay while determining your options. The opposite sex is more relaxed around you because they are convinced you’re not on the prowl. However, stating you’re gay isn’t guaranteed to be one hundred percent effective. You may still draw in those who are interested in your conversion, or simply receive attention that really wasn’t wanted. You have to play your cards very delicately when using the gay excuse.

3. “Grand Mal Seizure!”

While this excuse can require some pretty good acting skills, it has a very low-risk factor for initiating involvement. The first thing you do when asked out on a date is inform the hopeful partner that you just got out of the hospital, due to a grand mal seizure, and that the doctor had ordered you not to go out for a while as the excitement could stimulate another one. If the person is persistent, you may have to announce now and then you just had another seizure the night before, and although it was not great enough to go to the hospital, you’re still worried about having another. If the excuse starts wearing thin, you may have to demonstrate with a seizure that lasts just long enough not to have to call in the paramedics.

2. “I’m losing my mind.”

This highly professional excuse is very easy to perform. Everybody’s losing their minds, or suspects that everyone else is. The losing the mind aspect can be demonstrated in heightened paranoia, extreme forgetfulness or occasional bizarre acts. The reasons for losing your mind can be anything from trauma to a mind degenerating disease. It’s best to use the losing your mind excuse as a slowly progressing problem from which there is no known cure.

1. “Just let me put you on my agenda…”

You aren’t actually saying no. You aren’t discouraging any favorable intentions. You’re only submitting that you have a very busy love life, and somehow you’ll find a way to fit the person in. For this top rated excuse, however, you need an active imagination and a little black book. When asked for a date, you thumb through your book and say things like, “let’s see.... from the twelfth to the fifteen, I’ll be out of town as Jeremy is taking me to Hawaii this weekend. Next Friday, my pilot friend is flying me out for breakfast in Seattle, and for the weekend following next, I’m scheduled for a visit to Venice. I could fit you in between the date I have for skiing in Aspen and the one for three days in Vegas... three months from now. What were you planning to do?” If your suitor isn’t intimidated and can actually come up with something that will top that list, the chances are good you’re not going to want to miss out on the date after all.