Farnsworth: [He slaps his forehead and sighs] da Vinci was history's greatest artist and inventor. [He pulls up the head of da Vinci, revealing a button. He presses it. A shelf rises into the ceiling, revealing a lit cabinet with various sketches and models on shelves.]Voilà! He invented flying machines, war engines, submarines.

Fry: [He takes a beard from the cabinet] Uh-oh! Nibbler died in the wall.

Farnsworth: That's not Nibbler. That's my most precious possession. Leonardo's beard! I paid a fortune for it at an auction of historic body parts. I suppose if I have an Achilles' heel, it's because I bought it at that same auction. [He shows Fry a glass foot with a heel bone in it.]

Farnswoth: No time! I've found a clue that could unlock all the secrets of history. [Fry groans. They walk to a tomb.] Look at these Roman numerals.

Fry: Roman numerals? I've got it! We're in Rome.

Farnsworth: [He hits Fry with a torch.] Don't be stupid. It's a long lost mathematical code. I'll need to consult these ancient writings. [He pulls out a book and blows the dust off it. It is The da Vinci Code.] Some preposterous hog-wash about the Fibonacci Sequence. Aha! The markings indicate how many paces we need to take. One ... Okay, we're there. [In front of them is a tomb that reads "JAMES". ]

Bender: Brothers and sisters, let us pry. [He pulls a crowbar out of his chest cabinet and opens the tomb. A robot is in there]

Farnsworth: It's true, Saint James really was a robot.

Bender: I bet he's up in Robot Heaven right now. So he won't miss his eyes. [He attempts to remove them with a screwdriver.]

[A mouse squeaks and runs into the wheel on Saint James' chest and begins running. Saint James stands up.

Bender: Enough of your lies, Saint James. We saw you in the Last Supper.

Animatronio: The great man Leonardo built me as an artist's model. When I took repose in this coffin, I carefully tossed the real Saint James in yonder heap. [A skeleton is nearby.] I'm sure you have many questions. Come, there is a chamber where I used to speak with Pope John the Patient.

[Scene: Underground Chamber.]

Animatronio: [He sighs. The Pope's skeleton is still seated in a chair, wearing his hat.] I told him I'd be back in five minutes. Ah well, he'll make a nice heap. [He dumps the body and sits in the chair himself.] I am Animatronio, guardian of da Vinci's great secret. He left my legs visible in the painting as a clue, then dispatched me hither to wait for his shadow society of intellectuals.

Fry: Hi, Animatronio.

Farnsworth: You personally knew da Vinci? [He gives a fan-girlish squeal.] Was he nice? How did his hair smell? And on a personal note, what is the function of this device? [He shows the plans.]

Animatronio: Halt! You do not know the function of the Macchina Magnifica? Then thou art not members of the Shadow Society. [He takes the plans.]

Bender: The what now?

Animatronio: Not one more word shall I breathe. Not even about the great fountain where thou mayest find the... Wait. Thou didst not know about the fountain, didst thou? Curses, I must be punished. [He begins flaying himself.]

Farnswoth: Quick, we must find out what he knows before he flays himself to death!

Farnsworth: And so dies our hope of solving this mystery. Come on gang, let's go home. Wait! Let's not give up so easily. Animatronio mentioned a fountain. [He looks at a statue.] That's a statue of Neptune, god of water. The number of points on him trident is three, or trey. The "u" in his name is written like "v". Trey, "v". Trevi! It's the Trevi Fountain. There can be no question!

Leela: But, Professor...

Farnsworth: There can be no question!

[Scene: Trevi Fountain]

Fry: Wow, it hasn't changed in a thousand years. [Tentacles reach out of the water and grab a man posing for a picture.]

Bender: [He jumps into the fountain. Before he can grab the change, a Giant Squid comes out of a cave. The squid and Bender struggle then both pull out pistols. Gunshots can be heard from the surface. The dead Squid floats up.] I got 48 cents. There's one more nickel, and it's a big one! [He floats down and pulls at the nickel. It is actually a plug keeping water in the fountain. The water starts to drain, taking Bender with it.]

Farnsworth: Quickly, into the sewer hole. [He and Fry jump in.]

Leela: Why? [She is pulled under by the Professor. A hooded figure selling Gelato notices and follows them.]

[Scene: Sewer. The four of them are shooting through the pipes then land in a small room. The squid comes next and stops the water flow.]

Fry: [Looking through a window.] What's this dump? [They are surrounded by Roman Architecture.]

Fry: It's truly a masterpiece. Note how the perspective lines draw the eye right to his dong.

Farnsworth: [The hooded figure appears and shoots a dart at the Professor.] Say, what's this? [He moves in time for the dart to miss him and hit Bender's eye.]

Bender: Anyone hear something?

Farnsworth: It's a coin slot. Bender, insert that giant nickel.

Bender: Sure. [He has the nickel on a piece of string. He inserts it and it takes his entire arm with it.] Ow!

Farnswoth: Hush, Bender. [The statue realigns itself.] What's your game, Vitruvian Man? [The statue turns on it side and rolls along the floor. The floor divides behind the statue. Leela scrambles to get to the Professor. A workshop is revealed under the floor.] I withdraw the question, Vitruvian Man.

[Scene: Leonardo's Workshop]

Farnsworth: Da Vinci's lost workshop!

Fry: At the risk of sounding stupid, do these things actually work?

Farnsworth: Of course not, stupid! [He gestures to a flying machine] I mean, that flying machine is as aerodynamic as a sofa. How could it possibly get off the ground?

Animatronio: In a way that shalt never discover. [Everyone but Fry gasps].

Fry: Hi, Animatronio.

Animatronio: I feign death and stalk thee, that I might preserve the greatest of Leonardo's secrets! [He throws a mace and it lands on Bender's empty arm socket. Bender hits him with the handle of the mace.]

Bender: All right, buddy, we want secrets! And they better be ancient!

Animatronio: Porco metallico! Never shall I reveal how these wonderous machines fit together!

Farnsworth: They fit together?

Animatronio: I said no such thing. And then I died! [He groans and collapses. He opens his eye then shuts it again.]

Fry: [Sitting in the chair of the flying machine] You're right, Professor. This thing doesn't fly.

Farnsworth: Don't sit in there, you idiot! That's dangerous! [He sits on a catapult and gets shot into a series of tubes that directs him into the co-pilot's seat.] Wha? [The machine is lifted up and glass is placed on top of their heads, creating a sealed cockpit. Several more machines go off and the ship is loaded into a cannon.] No wonder this contraction isn't aerodynamic! It's not an aircraft, it's a spacecraft! [The cannon is pointed to a gap in the ceiling.]

Animatronio: Basta! As I live, thou shan't discover the great secret! [He works a ballista until it is pointed at the spacecraft. Bender and Leela tackle him. The ballista falls and fires at a lever. The spacecraft is shot into the air.]

Fry: Bye, Animatronio!

[Scene: Space. Pieces of the spacecraft fall off and the wings start beating.]

[Time Lapse: One Month Later][The spacecraft nears a planet.]

[Time Lapse. The spacecraft lands in a forest.]

Farnsworth: My God! Why would Leonardo's machine's brought us here?

Fry: I don't know. Let's ask this guy. [A man is standing in front of them.]

[The man raises his fist at Leonardo, who flinches away. Both the man and woman laugh before leaving.]

Leonardo: Stupid Biff. Thinks he's so smart.

Fry: He looks stronger than you, too.

Leonardo: I went to Earth because I could no longer stand the ridicule. But being surrounded by even stupider people was equally infuriating.

Fry: I can see myself in your shiny button.

Leonardo: Inventing is what makes me happy. Or did, until I misplaced the plans for my masterpiece.

Fry: You mean these? [He holds out the plans.]

Leonardo: The Macchina Magnifica? Infinity joy! Fry, my friend, you have given my life a meaning again!

Farnsworth: That calculus lecture was harder than I expected. We had to answer every question in the form of an opera. I have a lot of homework for tomorrow, if I don't want to be [He puts on a Viking opera helmet.] Embarrassed!

[Montage. Fry and Leonardo are looking at the plans. They keep rolling up so Fry tapes them down. The entire work table rolls up in response. The Professor is overwhelmed and twists his head around. Fry begins turning a crank and the gears start working. da Vinci and Fry high-five. The calculus class is working on Conic Sections. The Professor submits a wrong answer and the cone flies onto his head and sits there like a Dunce cap. The students laugh and the Professor runs away.]

Leonardo: But, at long last, this invention will show you. It will show you all. Behold, my unstoppable doomsday machine!

Fry: And I helped! Wait. You told me it was an unstoppable ice cream machine.

Leonardo: Ice cream is just a by-product of the machine. It's primary purpose is to exterminate everyone who ever made me feel inferior!

Biff: Oh, I'm so scared!

Girl: Bring it on, dum-dum. [The crowd laughs.]

Leonardo: Oh yeah? Let's see how hard you are laughing when my doomsday machine chops off your face! [He powers up the machine.]

Farnsworth: Leonardo, stop! [The crowd gasps.] I want in on this!

Fry: Are you crazy, Professor?

Farnsworth: I hate these nerds. Just because I'm stupider than them, they think they're smarter than me. Kill them all, starting with the math teacher!

[Leonardo starts the machine and the audience flees.]

Farnsworth: [Taking the plans from Fry.] I knew this final invention would be a humdinger!

Leonardo: Yes, we three idiots will finally have our revenge.

Fry: I don't think so! You two make me ashamed to call myself an idiot. [He jumps on the machine.] There's always going to someone smarter than you, so the only way to be happy is to make the most of what you've got.

Leonardo: But you've got nothing.

Fry:Oh no? I've got one single nail and another nail to nail it in with. And I'm gonna stop this infernal ice cream machine once and for all! [He tries to nail in a nail but it hits him in the eye. He stumbles and gets caught in the gears. Fry is being sent through the gears of the machine, finally jamming it. The machine stops and falls over. Leonardo and the Professor run out of the way. The audience laughs.]

Biff: Some doomsday machine! It barely killed anyone!

Leonardo: Oh, yeah? Well, take this! [He kicks the machine, causing a lever to pop out. He pulls it and a giant gear crushes him.]

Farnsworth: Oh, my.

Girl: Poor Leonardo da Vinci. He sure was stupid.

[Scene: Space. The Professor and Fry are heading back home in da Vinci's spacecraft. Fry has broken limbs, a neck brace and bandages around his head.]

Farnsworth: Fry, I admire what you did today, and I'm deeply sorry for insulting your intellect. Your tiny, tiny intellect. Oops, there I go again, you dope. I mean, dummy.

Fry: It's okay. I may not be clever, but I have a good heart. That's what my mom used to say.