'the nonsensical ravings of a lunatic mind'

autocorrective asphyxiation

Beginning with one weirdly autocorrected text sent to Juanita, I decided to send the rest of my messages to her sans proofreading and with little regard for, you know, accuracy.

Let me preface this by saying I don’t have one of those fancy-pants smart phones. Mine flips open and has buttons roughly the size of Kennedy half dollars. I have it set to “T9,” which I think means “Sorry, no matter how many times you type the word twatwaffle [read: a lot] it will still fail to auto-enter it for you.”

Here goes:

Me: Before i proofread that message it said this:
can i runs cz the bank no the way god so i can
deposit my commission check

Juanita: LOL LOL LOL Thanks you just made my day!

I just type too east

You just sent me a message that said
I JUST TYPE TOO EAST.
I prefer to type to the west.

I know… I left it that way on purpose… Which ORIGINALLY said
‘I let it that way no surprore’ LOL LOL