Basically what happened with Ben’s girlfriend is that I told them that I would pay for half of the cost of the abortion and I would drive them but I wouldn’t let her stay with me.

I drove them, gave them half in cash like I said, and I drove them back to my place and told them to find their own way home from there (harsh I know but I was trying to cover my own ass as much as possible).

What I didn’t know was that Ben and his girl ended up going to mine and Ben’s parents house to recover and our parents ended up calling her parents to tell them what was going on.

I guess under the pressure they caved and told all of the parents that I drove and paid for the abortion. Next thing I knew I had the angry parents of a 16 year old girl on my doorstep accusing me of manipulating this girl into getting an abortion (pretty sure there were undertones of them accusing me of getting her pregnant but they didn’t say this outright).

I also had my parents contact me (one of the few times they actually have over the past little while) to accuse me of manipulating this girl and using my “drug money” to “traumatize” this girl. I all but shut the door in their face, yelling that they just don’t want to see Ben as anything else but the golden child and want to keep seeing me as the black sheep.

A few days later I heard from Ben that he fessed up to the reality of the whole situation and that my name has basically been dropped from the conversation (for now). I haven’t heard anything about it since then. The girl seems to be doing okay.

Thanks for all the advice I received previously.

Tl;dr: Ended up driving and paying for half the abortion. Got into trouble but everything seems to be okay now.

Maybe it's just me, but I'd be pretty okay getting yelled at for taking a 16 year old to get an abortion if her parents would have forced her to see the child to term. It won't be a fond memory for her, surely, but it's likely it'd be fonder than having a kid at that age.

Putting it back on the parents would be another way to handle it. "Your kids felt safer coming to me than to you. That's not on me, that's on you. If anyone is responsible for putting pressure on them for making their choice, again, that's on you."

He did more than support it. He facilitated it. (That means he made it happen.) I totally agree that 16 year olds shouldn't be having kids. But I also don't think random 22 year olds should be going behind legal guardian's backs to make those decisions. If I were the parent I would want to ask a lawyer if this stranger has any liability getting himself involved where he didn't belong.

He facilitated something legal. He could have given her some hot pockets because she wanted to try them and her parents don't believe in microwaved food.

If she had taken the bus to planned parent hood, then the bus driver facilitated it. But let's take this further, she could have payed for the bus with physical currency. The government made that currency that she would have needed and hence facilitated the abortion. The parents should take legal action against the federal government.

You are being needlessly pedantic in a concrete scenario. Do you realize how stupid you sound? We are talking about someone who paid for the abortion. Not some bus driver doing his daily rounds. Abortion is legal sure, coercion of minors is not.

I fail to see how it's coercion. He payed half the cost and wanted it payed back to him. If anything he was coerced by his brother. You can't seem to make up your mind if he made the decision for her (he didn't) he facilitated it (he did, but there's literally nothing wrong with that) and now he coerced her (again, he didn't.) But alright, go for the ad hominem since your argument has no real legs to stand on.

Every pregnant 16 year old should be so lucky to have a 22 year old they can trust to do this for them if it’s required. What a gift this young girl received—she’ll now have a chance to be one of the many who had an abortion early on and went on to live a fulfilling life unshackled by teen parenthood. No tragedy or bad actions here.

This girl made her choice to have an abortion. It was legally her choice to make. He helped her out of raising a baby she didn't want, and at the end of the day it sounds like OP's parents are never going to see him as changed. What matters is that he did the right thing, he helped two teenagers in need.

My dad always told me and my sister that the quickest way to poverty is to be a teen mom. Thank you, OP, for helping get them out of this.

As a daughter of a teen mum, I can relate to that (we both moved out of that god-for-saken council estate and doing our own thing now).

OP, I can’t stress how much of a favour you did for them - the child more than anything, without coming across as disrespectful; it can be a difficult environment to bring up a baby. All the best for everyone! I hope you can one day reconcile with your parents or at least find closure with them. Been through all the drug bullshit myself so I know what it’s like when people hold that kind of baggage against you. It’s frustrating.

Agreed. Anyone who has known a teen mom or been raised by one probably would agree. My mom had my sister as a teenager. She had to graduate from another high school because her catholic one wouldn’t allow it, as an unwed teenage mother. Granted, that’s old school, but it does give you a taste of the hardships these poor girls face. I don’t think I could deal with a pregnancy/child now and I’m in my 20s

A child can be put up for adoption, causing literally zero harm to you. Living on the streets puts you in a position to be harassed by police, mugged, raped, and subjected to various other forms of attack. Putting a child up for adoption also doesn't prevent you from showering or having an address to put on a job application.

Always the possibility they toss her out for getting knocked up out of wedlock and engaging in pre marital sex. OP was in a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation. He took the lesser of two evils. At least now, if the girls parents toss her out, she won't have to find prenatal care or care for an infant at 17 with no parental support

I will say, at 16, if I(19F) were to have gotten pregnant I think this situation would have been the best outcome and also I would look back as an older, more mature, person and think “wow that was so dope” that I had someone around to do that for me and also help pay for it. You for sure did the right thing but you should make it clear to your brother that an abortion isn’t always an option and he should be more careful because abortions are not only expensive but take an emotional toll on the female involved(in my experience). I wish them luck and I think you did the right thing! You’re a good older brother

Your brother is not only irresponsible to get his gf pregnant in the first place, but he's dumb too. He could have saved everyone the trauma and yelling if he and gf kept their personal business to themselves.

I second that, sounds like you will be blamed for any family dramas, possibly the reason for former drug use.

I ended up using heavy drugs after being raised by a narcissist and enabler. My sister sounds exactly like your brother. She is 37 now and hiding stuff from our parents. Being the black sheep gives me freedom, the worst is always expected from me.

I'm so happy you came back with an update. It's good to hear everything went well with the procedure but sad to hear that most of your fears about your parents finding out came true. You are a GREAT brother. It's horrible that her parents were given your address though. I do hope your parents realize how difficult this was for you given the current relationship. I also know both of these kids will be eternally grateful. All the best to you.

You did a good job and you were fair. You didn’t force anyone to do anything they didn’t want to do. They could’ve gotten a ride elsewhere and borrowed money, it might have meant they had to wait longer which would be worse.

It’s sucks they turned on you to deflect blame. I feel like this goes for all of them. Your parents blaming you rather than their son, her parents blaming you, obviously your brother and his girlfriend are the ones to blame, and giving the girls parents your address is ridiculous. Your parents should be protecting you.

Your brother and his girlfriend are so lucky you helped out. I hope they apologise and thank you. Congrats on being a good guy.

I drove them, gave them half in cash like I said, and I drove them back to my place and told them to find their own way home from there (harsh I know but I was trying to cover my own ass as much as possible).

What I didn’t know was that Ben and his girl ended up going to mine and Ben’s parents house to recover and our parents ended up calling her parents to tell them what was going on.

I...don't understand this. If you had just let her stay with you for a day, she probably never would have told her parents. As well, your parents never would have found out. Seems like this subsequent drama could have been more easily avoidable :P

Sorry about what happened to you. I think you did the right thing in the long run, sometimes though you can do the right thing for the right reasons and all take flak form people who just choose to believe differently. Life is unfortunately not black and white it is many shades of grey, but some people like to look at their bit of gray and call it black or white.

I know that this post is about your brother and his girlfriend and your involvement in their crisis, but I want to reach out and let you know that you're a great person. I've dealt with addiction in my immediate family and the thought of being shunned and seen as less of a person because of that is wrong.

My person in my immediate family (not giving details out of respect for privacy) was loved and supported and has grown into an incredible human being and contributor to mankind. From what I've read in your last posts, you seem like smart man and someone who is treated unfairly. There could be circumstances other than your drug use which contribute to the less than supportive relationship you seem to have with your parents, I dont know.

Just want you to know that I'm proud if you, internet friend. Keep that sobriety up and continue to be great in everything that you do.

I think you really are a nice person, and really helped your brother and her gf out of shit. Maybe when your brother speaks again you should tell him and her to explain how the things really happend, not to blame you for something you didn't do.

you did well. And do not let anyone tell you otherwise. You are a stand up guy and you have my respect.

Now do not stop halfway, take these youngsters by their ears whenever the opportunity arises and tell them all about birth control and how not being on top of this messes with all kinds of things, including you.

Also, you are a great big brother. Wish I had one like that when I was young.