things i want

Now that we actually have a little bit of discretionary income, it’s only natural that the mind wanders and imagines all the pretty and shiny things that were once a fantasy but now within reach. Hmmmm…. should we finally save up and get those new mattresses we’ve needed for years? How about re-painting the kitchen? Oooo! I know, let’s finally decorate the house! It’s only been 10 years since we’ve moved in!

Those things are definately on my “want” list. And reasonably within reach.

But, I’ll pass.

What i really want? Is my hips back. Since I’ve lost a little bit of weight and have been walking/jogging with my friend, the spare tire around my belly has been shrinking and I’m discovering a shape that I haven’t seen in a long, long time. Just when you begin to think that all your efforts have been for naught – you begin to see progress. I’m not putting on a bikini any day soon. But, it’s a small victory that inspires and motivates me to keep going.

Hellllllooo hips!

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Published by theamericandream

Here I am. Just a silly country girl who thought she knew it all. Got married when I was 21 to my high school sweetheart. Was living the "american dream" until about a year or so ago when everything just started unraveling. From the outside looking in, we are perfect. We have a beautiful home in the country, our wonderful family lives as close as next door and as far away as 7 miles. Our family is very close. We have strict morals and values that are indisputable. Our families are very involved in the church and the community. We drive nice vehicles and have good jobs. In fact, my husband owns his own company. But, nobody knows. Nobody knows the pain of not being able to conceive our long-awaited first child. Nobody knows the pain of going to fertility specialists and getting tests and tests and tests and not getting answers. Nobody knows the grief of never getting two pink lines at the end of the month. Nobody understands the need to distract that pain with "things" and food and working. Nobody knows the consequences of covering our pain and the mountains of debt and debilitating physical health we've incurred. Nobody knows.
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