Monday, July 23, 2012

tree elf king

dear karen...this was the last picture i took in wisconsin when we went together to see all those amazing trees and the water and the sunflowers...that ginormous field of sunny flowers!...

yesterday i went to griswold conn. and saw a smaller version of them...i went with my friend jane who you would like very much i am sure....you could talk soil and water and trees with her...she loves swamps too like you and i...we drove by the place you and i got lost in...where you stood on a rock by a lake and i snapped the pic of you readying yourself to take flight...she has been to the rock quarry where you were so delighted to be...and then the sunny flowers brought it all flooding back..

i climbed into the field yesterday just far enough to see nothing but blue sky and those lovely towering flowers...i felt you in that field...i felt your playfulness and love...i was so profoundly grateful and i hoped you felt that love flow to you...how could you not...for i believe in a good and kind god who lets love flow from spirits to flesh with the ease of taking a gentle breath...

i kissed a sunflower and thought of the last time i placed a kiss on your forehead...you were dying to your body but your spirit had filled the room...i know i wasnt meant to be at your death but now i live with regret and sorrow...i know it would have killed me and i know not being there was for my highest good and yours...but it is still hard to cope with from a human angle of emotions...

yet today is your birthday...i see you in the tops of trees today...i see you in the great redwoods...i see you with a squirrel on your shoulder and an owl on your head...i see you smiling at me and sending love...i see you at peace...yet i miss you elf king...such is the part of being human that is hard...to love others so much and yet when they leave their bodies the heart aches....but i open to the sorrow for it means i love greatly and give my love to others in a very full way...

so much is happening in my life elf king...easy and wonderful things and difficult as well...yet through it all i can hear your voice of encouragement and kindness...you cared and i am grateful you showed me how much you cared...

being in sunflowers yesterday and bringing some back was the right medicine i needed to go through this day...and i smile to hear your words...your playful words "come on...lets go girl" and out the door we would go to shovel snow or hug trees or sit by water...the love you gave me lives on in me...the stories...the smiles...thank you...

someday i will meet you in the treetops...until then i will look up...smile...and know you are there...