Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Songs, Sentiments and Such

Dear Roman,

It was a full day today. It's 12:30 in the morning and I am wide awake. My brain is humming a mile a minute. Across the world, you are getting ready to go down for your morning nap and I can't help but wonder if you remember the man who held you in his arms and rocked you to sleep two months ago. Hopefully, before we all know it, he can rock you to sleep again very soon.

Your aunt Lizzie sent me a text message Sunday morning. She said that she had asked Joshua if he remembered meeting her for the first time. Lizzie has had the delightful privilege of loving and being a step mom to Joshua for a little over a year now. She said that he looked confused and said, "No". To Joshua, Liz has always been a part of his life. She encouraged me that it will be the same for you. You will never remember a time when we weren't part of your life. But believe me, right now I feel very acutely every day that you are not part of ours.

We did get our first good news in a long time today. We had a call from a man at the FBI saying that he had received a message from our Congresswoman, Jo Ann Emerson's office requesting that our background checks be expedited. He asked if we would feel comfortable with overnighting new prints to his attenition as ours still were not in the system. He was worried we would be upset about the second $36 dollar fee! Your dad and I both got three sets each, just in case one wasn't readable and he said that, provided there was nothing in our background, we might get them back within the week. That would be a miracle because Dad called his buddy in DC to see if we could overnight the background check to him to be apostilled (a word that I never want to hear again...or at least until we decide we are ready for you to have a sibling!) and we found out that he could take them on the 15th only. I am sure there are other days later than that, too, but it was either the 9th or 15th and I don't think there is anyway at all-with today being the 6th-that we would have the completed checks to him by the 9th. That means if we are holding them in our hands next Wednesday at the latest, we could overnight them to him and he could overnight them back and we would be done with the paperwork we've been given. All of these hoops to jump through just because we misread the directions for the second dossier. We are also holding our breath and waiting to see if maybe, by another miracle, the judge in Russia will be compassionate and give us a court date without these papers allowing us to bring them with us. We are praying hard. There's so much to coordinate and so many things that have to work out just right at all the right moments or we may loose precious time with you. It's interesting that I keep thinking of the phrase "God will 'orchestrate' everything perfectly". I don't know if you will have a passion for music or not, but if you think of an orchestra, different instruments are playing different notes at different times. Some instruments are required to be silent for measures and others dominate different parts of the piece. Yet, it all comes together to make beautiful music. This is your song Roman. It is a passionate and moving piece that swells and flows and by God's grace will crescendo at the perfectly appointed time.

Speaking of music, other than the Chili's "I want my baby back, baby back, baby back" song, I keep humming the tune to tune to Mighty to Save. I have faith that we will see Him move some mountains in the coming days.

I am sure that you will have heard the story of how your father proposed to me a million times, but I'm going to tell you here. I was expecting him and his parents to fly down on a Friday in February so our families could meet. Little did I realize that he had actually booked his flight into San Antonion on a Wednesday, rented a car and drove down to Rio Frio where he officially asked your Bammie and Papa's permission to marry me. Then on Thursday, he met with my roommate, got a key to our house and when I got home from work, I was surprised by a trail of rose petals. He sang "Bless the Broken Road" and got down on one knee and for the very first time told me that he loved me. That song has been the theme in our marriage and, as I write this, I know that it is the theme in your homecoming, too. Especially the chorus:

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.

I realize that this is a love song, but stretch your imagination with me for a minute. By now you know that we tried for several years to bring you into our family biologically. And each year that passed that we didn't have your smile in our life we were broken hearted, but God was builiding a different road for us. One that we would never have imagined that we would have had enough strength to complete. And finally, God showed us that you, our first born son, were never meant to be born from my belly, but you were always designed to be born from our heart. Born across the world, and yet God built the road that led us straight to you. It hasn't been an easy road at all, but there has been enough grace and peace for every obstacle we have encountered. All the while, God is developing our character so we can be the parents you so desperately deserve. That broken road will bring us wholeness. Bringing you home has been the most extraordinary thing we have ever been a part of. It was always you we wanted, Roman. We didn't always have a name and a face on our deepest desire, but it was always you. We didn't know the story God would write in bringing you into our family, but it was always you.

I can't wait for you to know what it feels like to have a Mommy and a Daddy with you every day. I can't wait for you to finally and rightfully know the feeling of being in a home where your parents would lay their life down for you. Your father has called the FBI and Jo Ann's office every working day since we found out about our "due date". He is persistent. His persistence is the reason I am his wife. It took him two and a half years to convince me to come visit him. And it's his persistence that will have you home sooner rather than later. I'm so glad that God put that "bulldog" in him. He is doing it because he is already so in love with you.

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