Send me email updates about messages I've received on the site and the latest news from The CafeMom Team.
By signing up, you certify that you are female and accept the Terms of Service and have read the
Privacy Policy.

Question: Would you take away all aspects of your child's privacy if they were cutting/self harming themselves?

I was having coffee with a friend and she told me that her DD17 is doing a health class. They have a part of the class where they study mental illnesses. Today the class was apparently having a debate today about what a parent should do when confronted with self harming. Some of the class believed that if it was "obvious" that the child was doing it for attention that the parent should force the child to be ashamed of the behaviour by making them give up their bathroom privacy, bedroom privacy, limiting what clothes they should wear; etc. Other members believed that (regardless of whether it's for "attention" or not) the parents should not humilate the child further and make sure the child feels safe and secure. The teacher decided to have them write a report on what they think, what their parents think and what their parents would do BESIDES counselling. For some reason this report greatly interests me and now I'm turning it over to you moms, what would you do if your child was self harming? (besides counselling) Would you limit their privacy? One child asked "well shaving is a right, so wouldn't the parents be harming them further by disallowing them this basic right not to have hair on their legs/armpits/bikini line?" What do you think?

Well, I showed my friend's DD this post and she said that she thought
taking away privacy/rights was shaming. She said she can understand no
more electronic privacy, even limited normal privacy (i.e only being
allowed in the bedroom to sleep) but never bathroom privacy being taken
away. "THAT'S A RIGHT!!!" she says annoyed. :P she's a long way from
being a mom. She now wants to know whether you guys would also take away having the right to choose what music/books the young person listens to/reads?

I would not take away privacy becuse privacy is very important to a child especially a teen but I would imit the items that they were allowed to use, such as razors, scissors, needles, knives, mirrors etc... Those items would have to be used in front of me until a time when they became more mentally stable

so they would have to even do their hair in front of you so that you could monitor the mirror?

Quoting Queen_Bree:

I would not take away privacy becuse privacy is very important to a child especially a teen but I would imit the items that they were allowed to use, such as razors, scissors, needles, knives, mirrors etc... Those items would have to be used in front of me until a time when they became more mentally stable

I have special needs children. They go through cycles of self harming (in this case biting and hitting heads against the wall) and when they are in those cycles they have no privacy because of safety concerns (one is nonverbal) but these cycles tend to be rather short (2 weeks to a month, 2-3 times a year) we know what sets off one child and try to limit that but still don't know what sets off the verbal one.

Fair enough in that case. It's when it's sitting in the bathroom watching your neurotypical kid have a shower that seems to be crossing a line with these kids. I'm not sure if they discussed special needs kids harming the way you do, but in your case I completely agree with you. :) stay strong.

Quoting rhiannonaisling:

I have special needs children. They go through cycles of self harming (in this case biting and hitting heads against the wall) and when they are in those cycles they have no privacy because of safety concerns (one is nonverbal) but these cycles tend to be rather short (2 weeks to a month, 2-3 times a year) we know what sets off one child and try to limit that but still don't know what sets off the verbal one.

so they would have to even do their hair in front of you so that you could monitor the mirror?

Quoting Queen_Bree:

I would not take away privacy becuse privacy is very important to a child especially a teen but I would imit the items that they were allowed to use, such as razors, scissors, needles, knives, mirrors etc... Those items would have to be used in front of me until a time when they became more mentally stable

No - I can't see the general self harmer smashing a giant wall mirror in order to cut :/ With my DD once the knives were gone she started to get better. I've always made sure she's had electric razors anyway so razors weren't an issue for her.

Quoting Queen_Bree:

Sure, if they were that unstable...

Quoting GleekingOut:

so they would have to even do their hair in front of you so that you could monitor the mirror?

Quoting Queen_Bree:

I would not take away privacy becuse privacy is very important to a child especially a teen but I would imit the items that they were allowed to use, such as razors, scissors, needles, knives, mirrors etc... Those items would have to be used in front of me until a time when they became more mentally stable

In the future.. should that happen.. I would talk to my dd I would help her through it and find out Why she though she needed to do that and give her other outlets to express her anger like joining a karate class/kickboxing/buy her a punching bag Anything to derail her aggression. I would hope that I can have a good relationship with my dd when she gets older, but it's not garunteed because.. well teen girls are CRAZY... I was terrible... I just hope she trusts me and loves me enough to come to me if she is depressed.

Send me email updates about messages I've received on the site and the latest news from The CafeMom Team.
By signing up, you certify that you are female and accept the Terms of Service and have read the
Privacy Policy.