Power is defined as the capability to punish or reward, and to withhold expected results is a punishment.

Which means, power is to grant or withhold expected rewards.

First conclusion of this definition is that to expect is to give power to whatever or from whomever you expect anything.

Expect less or nothing and be free.

And who has power over you, my lecture continues?

Whoever you need for anything, and how much power that person has over you is determined by how much you need them and how much monopoly they have over what you need.

I proceed to say that this explains why love is such an overwhelming experience. We say to our beloved:

”I need you. I cannot live without you and you are the only one.”

The way to be free, I say, is to say, “I do not need you that much and you are not the only one.”

And what happens, than? You have removed the danger of having pain, of being punished, in a sense, when your beloved does not respond as expected but than you remove also the reward of being in love.

Interesting development of an idea. Right?

I came across a quote by Eric Fromm, the famous psychiatrist, who clarified for me better what love is.

He says: ”Do not say: ‘I love you because I need you. Say: I need you because I love you ‘.

Aha!!!!

Do not love because you need anyone. That is where love becomes a power game.

Love independently of need.

This is totally different from what I have been saying in my lectures.

Love should be independent of needs. Love because you love. Period. Nothing to do with needs. Than, you need someone because you love them.

Love without question. Without needs. Without limits. Without conditions. Love as a natural ongoing response to being.

In that case love is not overpowering. It is not a power game. It is not based on expected rewards, emotional or otherwise. It is what it is. It is like breathing. You do not compute the value of breathing. You just breathe.

Be loving as a person, period.

No one can take it away from you. It is who you are. It is not a response to anything. It is what it is.

1 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Well said. True love is always an act of Grace. Extending undeserved unmerited favor. The trick is understanding exactly how to act in the other person’s best interest consistently. Thank you for sharing.

Since LOVE is a decision, the term need is one of the explanation that one gives himself / herself (or others) to making (or maintaining) this decision.

I agree that “conditional love” is a weak decision, that can not (or may not) be sustained. When love is unconditional, it does not depend on the party that is being loved and therefore it should be “free”

I agree that your above discussion is about how do we justify our decision to love or not to love. The title “on love” could be (in my opinion) too broad.

I agree, but i think this insight is idealized. In reality we very often have just the opposite – we start to love somebody we need because they have power on us. How many times we hear acclaims in corporations about “my great boss”, “our undisputed leader” and other admirations. But the only reason people develop such “love” for their boss – is a fear to fall out of boss favor and not get a promotion, fear to get fired.

I think I have to love myself first. This is the beggining of love story. It means that I accept myself and I do what I think is good for me. I don’t beleive that anybody who claims to love others, god, etc is sincere (or understand what love is), until he/she loves himself.

Then comes my attitude towards the outside world. It means that I give and receive. Love brings joy. I keep what I need, the rest I try to use for what I think is good.

I’m carefull with people who have mouth full of love. In most cases it proved out, that they want something else then love.

Love is a silent flow. It can be expressed trough words, acts, care, forgiveness…, but it is silent flow from heart to heart.

They say love is the strongest motivation force. Would you agree? Or would you prefer fear, greed, ego?

They say, love is between man and god alone. All what is lover, is not love, but affection? I don’t know. I’m still strugling with love for myself.

the sharing of the line “I need you because I love you.” touched…thank you big brother. Can we have any post on RESEMBLANCES…because the insights over that topic for needed evolution will be more helpful for the self and all the world. I hope, since I am posting few such from 2 months and will be posting…resemblances do incur comparison with the object or being, yet the significance can be taken after modernization to help my evolution if at all i want to see it.
Affectionately, Nethaji.M

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Please note:

The insights presented in these blogs are the personal insight of Dr. Ichak Kalderon Adizes and do not necessarily express the opinion or position of the Adizes Institute or its staff individually or as a group.

DISCLAIMER: The insights presented in these blogs are the personal insight of Dr. Ichak Kalderon Adizes and do not necessarily express the opinion or position of the Adizes Institute or its staff individually or as a group.