DATELINE: GLEN ARBOR, MICHIGAN The village of Glen Arbor was stunned today when Mishe-Mokwa (the “Sleeping Bear”) woke up!

The 52.3 foot mother bear had been sleeping for several thousand years and apparently woke up very hungry and cranky. While most of the residents fled in panic as the roaring bear ripped down the radio tower, Glen Arbor resident H. Michael Buhler kept a cool head and brewed up 17 pounds of coffee at the Leelanau Coffee Roasting Company. “I know sometimes that John (Ahrens) is pretty darn grumpy when he comes to work before he’s had his coffee, so I figured it was worth a shot.”

Bob Sutherland: It’s a Darn Big Bear

The mellow blend seemed to take the edge off the bear, which then lumbered down the street to Cherry Republic where it proceeded to devour the store’s entire stock of Boomchunka cookies and force store owner Bob Sutherland and staff to bake more. “I don’t know what to do,” a weary Sutherland remarked. “I mean, on the one hand, we’re all really grateful for what the Sleeping Bear has done for the area. But on the other hand, it’s a darn big bear and we’re running out of flour & chocolate chips!” The staff of Barb’s bakery was lending assistance at last report and Arts had all grills producing mounds of hamburgers for Mishe.

Patrons at Cherry Republic seemed to take the disturbance in stride. Little Timmy McGilly (on vacation from Saugatuck) remarked “I wish the bear would have left me some cookies, but the ice cream is pretty good too. I asked my daddy if I could keep her.”

Little Timmy & Mishe

Mark McGilly said, however, that the family had no plans to keep the bear. “We like nature as much as the next family, but I doubt that the bear would fit in the Hummer.” General Motors, maker of the H2, agreed but said that the upcoming H3 would likely be able to accommodate such cargo.

A spokeperson for the Sleeping Bear Dunes National Lakeshore reported that while no firm decisions had been made pending the outcome of a 7 year focus group study slated to begin in 2006, the Park Service was considering changing the name to The Wakeful Bear Dunes and seeing “if we can get the bear to wear a big hat like Smokey.”