why is it that when a man becomes a father many employers will feel that he will be a better employee deserving of more money because he now has a
child to support, but when a women becomes a mother they feel that she will be a worse employee because her attention will be always divided between
the responsibility to the child and work?

I only bring this up because well, it does play a role in the topic. as equality becomes more established, things should equalize in the areas we are
discussing here. and, there are things that men could be doing to help equalize them, which some men do do, others don't, like taking on part of the
traditional role of the relationship so that she isn't more distracted by those responsibility as he is.

but well, I have to say, women have spent centuries upon centuries being denied most of their rights and men were able to just walk away from their
kids and never look back. if men have to spend a little time in an uncomfortable situation until we find that balance of equality, then I am sorry,
but I think in the end, both males and females will be better off for it.

oh come on guys, there's a ton of threads active on the boards at the moment debating the morality of abortion. the op is bringing up some legitemate
problems with the system we are currently running under. it deserves to be discussed.

What if the male partner, at first seems perfect, then later she discovers he's totally scary and abusive? This is the pattern - charm up front,
abuse later.

Deception can happen on both sides, in other words. Only a long delay AND the woman or man taking FULL responsibility for their own birth control if
a child is not desired (i.e. they each use it and do not rely on the other to provide it) might mitigate this.

In an ideal circumstance, two honest people make a decision to be partners and make every effort to not have a child until full commitment can happen
and both parties wish it (if it does then they agree in advance to make a decision or raise the child together), or, if they are able to wait until
commitment can happen, with the idea that a child might come and they would both be responsible, then none of this is an issue - the rules are set.
How often does this happen in reality? 16 and 17 year olds aren't totally incapable of this, but they are not fully mature yet, and unless they are
fully educated and supported in making mature decisions, I wouldn't expect mature behavior, especially given our culture.

@ the OP - Your experience indicates that you were not ready to have a mature relationship at 16, as painful as that may be, and I can guarantee you
would have had an incredibly tough time raising a child on your own at 16 if the girl had believed you would do that and it would have fallen back to
her to handle - or would it have fallen to your parents?

You had a very painful experience that was compounded by a later inability to have children. I'm sorry you experienced this! It is not all the
girl's fault, however. You both made an unwise choice that had unintended and powerful consequences. Maybe you can forgive her and yourself
someday, and maybe you can find another way to be a parent to children you will love - God knows there are so many children hungry for love and care.
I was adopted. You can still be a father!

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