Tuesday, February 27, 2007

...is the sound my brain is making right now. This weight loss thing is NOT GOING WELL! I have no clue what caused such a sense of torpor...whether it was my grandma, or being busy at work, but this has all just snowballed into a big mess of naps instead of workouts and McDonald's instead of salads and it HAS. TO. STOP. NOW!!!

Maybe writing this will clear the air, but my goodness...I have to make some changes and get off my ass. How could I have lost 10 lbs. so quickly and so easily and now just be mired in my own slovenliness? I wake up every morning with an absolute inferno of motivation, but by the afternoon all I want do is sleep and eat anything in Missouri that's branded Chips Ahoy. I can't even read anyone else's fatblogs because I'm too ashamed that I'm not writing anything of value and then I get remorseful for not reading and it's all this vicious cycle of fat and cookies and sometimes shredded cheese and especially not moving my fat ass in any productive way and....ugh.

I wonder if you can/should tap into those morning feelings. Someone on another blog was just writing that she didn't have those strong morning "I can do it" feelings and was trying to exercise and pre-do her food for the day each morning and it wasn't working. It took her a while to figure out that she was beating her head against the wall for no reason - she is a late night person - and that is when she prepares, writes, plans, etc. She now does her exercise late in the afternoon. Maybe you are the opposite - maybe morning time is the time to tap in and channel those impulses - make lunch, exercise or whatever.

I feel your pain and I am right there with you needing a kick in the ass. I'll kick yours if you kick mine. I wake up everyday thinking to go down and get on the treadmill and instead I lay back down and turn on the tv. I need to evoke the power to change.

Here's the reality. It's hard to do all the time. Nobody's perfect and if you get caught in the trap of it has to be perfect, then it won't be.

So stop being hard on yourself. Pick yourself up and figure out what you can do. If you are really busy with work, then concentrate on the food and add the exercise when it's not so hectic. But in the meantime, park your car further away, walk up and down stairs, blah blah blah.

You don't need to write to entertain us. (You do write very well and I love your writing.) As for reading any of us, if you're busy, you're busy!

But for now, just start with one thing and work on that. You'll feel so much better with that one thing and you'll be motivated to do more like the exercise, etc.

I am totally blaming Dave and Busters for my relapse while I was in Kansas City. Must be some bad mojo in that part of the state, cuz' I brought it back with me. But, we all get to start over each day. So, let's both get off our fat asses and do something about it, shall we? I am going through my pantry tonight. Out with the bad.