Friday, February 1, 2013

I'm here!

I doubt anyone is still showing up that read this blog before, but if you are, I'm back! It's been a LONG time and a lot has happened. Anywho. I have been losing it. This time for good. I know that my loved ones would rather have me alive, and not only would I love to stay alive..I want to LIVE. Chronic pain wasn't enough. Sleep apnea and diabetes wasn't enough. Even being diagnosed with high blood pressure, abnormal thyroid (and under-active), and almost everything that shouldn't read high on blood work reading high didn't work. But, then one day...it happened.I have the exact dates somewhere, it was early January of 2013 and probably a Monday. I was working and started getting a really bad headache again. (I had been getting a lot of them..stress related and high blood pressure related) I checked my blood pressure and it was at the levels I'd been warned about. I called the doctors office and was told to go to the ER. I told my supervisor and headed out to the ER.I always want my mom, anytime I'm sick. Who doesn't? Not only that, but she was always my "expert" on all things medical because she'd dealt with most of them. So, I was already missing and wanting my mom when the nurse put the IV in me. This particular time, it HURT. My bruise lasted 2 weeks. I've had IVs I could barely feel, with this one, that wasn't the case. So, it reminded me of my mom saying how much she hated that they'd poke her repeatedly and could never find her veins and how they could never keep one in long because they'd fail after a while. I really missed her at that moment and wanted her more than anything else. Then it hit me. What was I doing??? What was I thinking? Why was I doing this to myself and to those I love?? If I didn't start caring for myself...I was going to die. MY loved ones would have that ache. That was 3 weeks ago. I've lost a solid 25 lbs since then. The reason I say it that way, lol..is because my scale weighs higher than the doctor's office scale by 2 lbs. Also, I was up to 27 but I weighed myself a few days later and I was up 2 lbs. So, I KNOW these things happen. So, I have most definitely lost 25 lbs in 3 weeks. I've been changing my lifestyle and my outlook. I'm making choices. Every day. It's not always easy, not at all. But January FLEW by..just like most months have been. I'm in February now and I know that I've lost 25 lbs since January began. This will be a LONG road, and the changes are changes I have to use life long. But, I'm ok. Bring it on!Dinah