Monday, January 29, 2007

Today as I took my sabbath I got to relish a few of my favorite simple pleasures: coffee on the porch, sweet rolls, laughing without reserve, romantic comedies and it got me thinking of some of my other favorites, for which I need to take more time to enjoy. In no particular order:1) rocking chairs and porch swings2) swinging in the park3) foot massages4) whipped cream from the can5) chocolate covered bananas6) walking with friends7) puppy kisses8) laughing so hard I cry and my sides hurt9) the smell of fabric softener10) a freshly made bed11) sparklers12) campfires13) waking up and being able to stretch and lounge before getting up to really meet the day14) the smell of pine trees15) thunder and rain (especially in the desert with the sage brush)16) car dancing17) having a sandwich homemade by someone else18) getting dressed up for a night out19) real mail20) the smell (and energy) of horses21) dancing22) falling into freshly fallen snow23) real hugs24) listening for God in the breeze25) lying down and watching the stars26) fresh biscuits27) a bath with candles28) walking in the grass barefoot

I also got to create today, and reminisce, and laugh at my self--it was a really good day

Sunday, January 28, 2007

So ever since I created this blog (as in 6 hours ago) my mind has been racing with all kinds of things I could write about. I had no idea I would be so excited about writing, rambling really, to an unknown audience. I mean, honestly, I could write about how I just spent $6.50 at Kmart and the most expensive item on the receipt was $1.99 hand soap, not the 18 pack of Christmas cards (90% off--woohoo) or the wrapping paper (also 90% off) and how awesome it was to get christmas cards for $.59--for 18 of them, not each, read that right, just $.59 TOTAL!!! That's exciting in my book. Or I could talk about how inconsequential most of my ramblings are, which you have probably figured out by now, so not much more needs to be said on that account. There's a hundred more topics I could muse on, and in the meantime I checked myspace and a friend used the word cassock ,which I had to look up and when I did, I saw that dictionary.com had a word of the day I didn't know: maunder so I clicked it and read the definition and knew--that's me. That's this incessant musing racing through my head. Now I have a word for it!

I have recently started going to a spiritual director (a mix between a pastor and a counselor who encourages me to look and listen more carefully for God's voice and hopefully provides some added insights along the way). Her recommendation for this week as I look to offer myself grace (definition: the unmerited, yet abundant love, goodness, blessing of God; read: patience, forgiveness, props for a job well done) was to read the passage about the workers of the field Matthew 20

The following is my musing on said passage: The loudest voice that I hear from this passage is that of those who came first. I hear the veteran members of the chuch fussing that they are tired and don't want to do more or that it is time for the yonger/newer membes to do their part. I hear them piping up not at the time of payment necessarily rather in the late hours of the work day, when the latecomers arrive. "Oh good, there's new help here, they can do the work." And yet, that's not how the story goes--the newbies aren't there to offer a reprieve and take over. They are there to work alongside as there is clearly still more work to be done. It's the same for us in the church, there is still more work to be done. There are still those who are hungry, illiterate, homeless, seeking someone who will listen to their heart and tend to their souls. If those who started early quit now when the others arrive, we won't actually make progress because no new areas will be tilled or planted or harvested....as my dad once said, "I don't think there's retirement when it comes to the church and doing ministry." And as I look for the message for me, I hear that I'm sent either to work alongside or to till new fields but not to take over the work of others. That seems to be the boundary issue I'm dealing with right now. I feel like I should be tilling *new fields* but others keep trying to hand me their tools and responsibilities. And in my co-dependent glory, in many cases, I take them. Growing edge #1As for the wages, I can see myself at both ends of the spectrum, on the one end I am with the early folks and want more than my due--I want a huge harvest with many fruits and yet I've only been able to do so much planting. And on the other end, with the 11th hour folks--I refuse to accept the grace given to me because I haven't earned it. How ironic--we can NEVER earn grace, and yet, I don't want to claim it until I feel worthy enough to deserve it. On Grey's Anatomy the other night, when I watched for the first time ever, they showed this resident whose fiance had died and left her an inheritance of some $8.4 million. She definitely didn't feel worthy of such an extravagant gift and so she refused to cash the check. I feel like her--refusing to cash my grace check until I feel worthy enough of such generosity. Even still, the foreshadowed storyline indicated she would use the money to help others (specifically a young woman with super-severe scoliosis). So in a sense, she isn't even receiving the gift for her own self, rather only for those around her. I have an uncanny habit of doing the same, receiving grace not for my own sake, but so that others may experience it. Oh to hear the good news for myself! Growing edge #2

Being a twenty-something who regularly enjoys reading the blogs of others and has an inclination to be too verbose for her own good, I thought I was about due for a blog. So, baby steps, lots of questions, and a bit of blushing about my ignorance, here goes.