Few phrases are as well known, and branded, around Texas A&M as the new Dwight Look College of Engineering’s “25×25 Initiative.” However, less discussed...

Few phrases are as well known, and branded, around Texas A&M as the new Dwight Look College of Engineering’s “25×25 Initiative.” However, less discussed is the imminent problem of rapidly expanding a rigorous program without increasing academic support for freshman engineering majors. The departments of Construction Science and Industrial Distribution have seen a massive jump in students within their ranks due to the 25×25 general engineering students who failed to stay enrolled or who couldn’t enter into the limited upper-level engineering program. With both of these once desolate majors filled, President Young has ordered the formation of a new washout department for the coming wave of students transferring from engineering: The College of Pyrotechnics.

The College of Pyrotechnics will host it’s only major- Pyrotechnics, code PYRO- and will be a home for Aggies with a “burning desire” and the academic ineligibility to remain in the College of Engineering.

Students in the major will look forward to a limited career in building demolition, special effects, or seasonal work operating firework displays. To calculate for the inherent risks posed by the major, Texas A&M University has elected to take out a larger insurance policy on the building, in case any accidents occur. Some have criticized the university’s announcement, questioning if the money spent on higher insurance premiums could have been used to fix the gas leaks that have occurred in Heldenfels’ long, dated past.

In the College of Pyrotechnics’ first newsletter, Dean Max Chartwell wrote, “We are thankful to be located in such a central building on campus that could be a prime spot for future developments. However, with frequent gas leaks, the building has severe renovation need. No worry, we will just borrow a few workers from the dozens of current ongoing construction projects. ” -Netflix & Drill

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Netflix & Drill

Not like that, you pervert. Like Corps drills. Get your mind out of the gutter. “Why is ‘The Bridge on The River Kwai’ not on Netflix,” he shouts. Netflix & Drill doesn’t just stand for the Aggie football games, he remains standing for the entirety of every single weekend the Aggies play football, sitting down only to sleep.