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Hello. So it’s been around three years since I last posted. I have totally lost the knack of writing – that’s if I ever had a knack at all. Basically I wanted to write again because recently I have felt the need to reach out to others more. Try and be more open and not hide myself away.

As you can probably tell a lot has happened in the last 3 years.

So what have I been up to? That’s always a difficult question for me to answer, as I always just say “Not much. You know the same old, same old.” This is because I’m terrible at small talk. It always seem to be at the end of the conversation that I then suddenly remember that I do have something to say. So what are those things,

I now have two children, with the eldest now starting school, and the youngest turning 2 in October. I love my boys so much. I didn’t think I would be able to cope with being a father but even though it can be a struggle at times I wouldn’t change things for the world. The two of them are special. I know everyone says that about their own children, but these two are awesome. Firstly they were born a day before our birthdays. The eldest being born a day before my wife’s birthday and the youngest being born the day before mine. I am always impressed how easily they can understand things, and how they can brighten my mood with a smile.

I have been coming to terms with being on the autistic spectrum, and embracing my differences more. I have been more open to talk about the condition, I even set up a Autism Awareness training day at work.

I have returned to social media and have joined a few Facebook groups for autistic people, and have set up a group chat so I can talk to others. I have yet to embrace Twitter again. I’m not sure that I will. With Twitter the magic of the early days are gone. I also don’t think I have the energy to post short random updates anymore. Saying that I don’t know how often I will post on this blog either. I do want to post ’42 things about being forty two’ while I’m still 42. I have to get a few Douglas Adams references in there somewhere.

I am not in a good place at the moment. One of the problems with having Asperger syndrome is understanding how others feel and what other people mean. It can be very confusing and frustrating at times. It is hard for me to explain to people who don’t have this condition to understand how difficult it can be.

To help you understand what it is like to have Asperger’s and how confusing it can be let me give you a few examples.

Let’s say there is a comic book character called Wally The Waiter. This is Wally…

Wally is a clumsy waiter who is always falling over things and getting in trouble. He doesn’t mean to be so clumsy but he can’t help it. Some people are just clumsy. He may be clumsy but he always works hard. He is always busy making sure everyone gets their food and he always makes sure that everyone is happy. He is working hard in the picture below. Can you find him? Where’s Wally?

Now if you are American or from another part of the world you might find this task far easier and less confusing than the British people reading this. I am hoping that the task of finding Wally might confuse you. Not because you are looking for him but because to my English eyes there are two Wally’s. There is my made up comic book character ‘Wally the Waiter’ and there is this guy…

So you might be forgiven for being confused. American’s on the other hand might not be as be confused. When I asked “Where’s Wally?” They are looking for ‘Wally The Waiter’, they are not looking for ‘Waldo’ as that’s what Wally is called in America.

This type of confusion is what a lot of people with Asperger’s have to deal with. Something you might find simple to understand, like the Americans looking for Wally, might be really hard for someone with Asperger’s to understand. Just like the British people looking for Wally.

Social interaction can be difficult for people who have Asperger syndrome and because it is not a condition that has any visible signs it can be hard to spot. Like you can’t tell who is a vegetarian just by looking at them. It’s only really when it comes to having a meal that being a vegetarian might have problems. For example…

Imagine you’re a vegetarian. You are far away from home and you’re sat on your own in the only restaurant in town and you are starving. No matter how hard you look at the menu nothing on there seems to be clear if it contains meat or not. There is only one waiter in this restaurant (let’s call him Wally) and he looks like a friendly sort of chap. He comes up to you and asks if you are ready to order. You ask him if anything on the menu is suitable for vegetarians. He looks a bit annoyed and then goes away and brings back another menu. However the menu he has brought back just appears to be the same menu. You find this confusing. Does this mean that he has understood that you are a vegetarian and all the food on the menu is ok to eat? Before you have time to ask him the waiter has gone. So you just sit there wondering what to do. The waiter returns and asks if you are ready to order. “Is this same menu that I had before? So everything on here is Vegetarian?” you ask him. This makes the waiter angry. Instead of answering your question he just gives you a long stare and tells you he will return when you are ready to order. So you just sit there feeling hungry and confused as the only person who can answer your question of what you can order is the waiter. You call the waiter over and ask for something without meat. This makes the waiter very angry and he storms off. Is he going to return with food? Meat free food? Is he going to return at all? You sit there feeling hungry, upset and confused waiting for the waiter to return. You then see the waiter happily chatting to other customers. Maybe the waiter isn’t angry after all and your meal on it’s way soon. You wait, and wait. You try and catch the waiters eye and he finally comes over. You ask him how long your meal is going to be? He starts shouting at you and then kicks you out of the restaurant. You have no idea what has just happened. You didn’t mean to upset the waiter, you were just hungry and waiting something to eat.

So being someone with Asperger’s is like being that vegetarian and dealing with someone with Asperger’s is like being the waiter. They both saw things differently. The vegetarian felt isolated and alone and just needed the menu to be explained to them. The waiter on the other hand just thought that the vegetarian was deliberately trying to make his life difficult, but he just didn’t really understand what a vegetarian was. If the waiter had explained what each meal on the menu was then there wouldn’t have been a situation. The vegetarian would have had their meal and the waiter wouldn’t have been so angry.

Having this condition isn’t something that can be fixed. It is just how the brain is wired. like being left handed or right handed. I am left handed, and no matter how hard I try to write with my right hand it just doesn’t look or feel correct to me. I will never be able to use my right hand in the same way I can use my left.

There are lots of situations in life which can be difficult if you have Asperger syndrome or need to deal with someone with Asperger’s. It can be a bit of a mine field. You think everything is going fine but then one day something just blows up in your face. Social media can be like a mine field. It is full of people who have their own ideas, agendas, and their own way of expressing themselves. Lots of waiters, vegetarians, Wally’s, Waldo’s and you don’t know who is whom. Some people you might feel close to because they say things that you can relate to, they on the other hand might hate you. Some people you might dislike but they think you are awesome. Some people clash, some people connect. It can be very confusing for the average person to navigate the online world of social groups and cliques, so imagine what it is like for someone who has Asperger’s. There are people who find swearing at others acceptable and those who take insults to heart. I find it hard to understand the difference between friends having ‘friendly banter’ and two strangers having an argument.

I often struggle to understand how my words might be interpreted by others, and as a result can find that I have caused offence when this was the furthest thing from what was intended. I hate to think that I have ever upset anyone. It is never my intention to do so. I don’t like to say bad things about others, I know how horrible it feels. I always feel the need to fix things and make things better but then even that can be interpreted as being meddling and intrusive at times. I have always been a bit of a sensitive soul, and some things said online I will never forget. I have been on the receiving end of abuse there was that person who wanted to set me on fire and dance around my burning remains. I may have problem understanding others at times but I’m sure the person who wrote that didn’t want to be my friend. Either that or they are/were a friend who was ‘just having a laugh’ and this was their idea of ‘friendly banter’. I just don’t know.

Because of this struggle I have with understanding others I have decided to remove myself from some social media sites. Why remove yourself you might say? Why not just leave your account and just not use the sites? I did try that, but I found it hard to let go. Hard to step away. I would just keep going back just to see how people are and what they are doing. I just really need some time off line to sort my head out. Saying that I haven’t gone completely, I still have a online presence, so who knows what will happen. I may return, I may not, I don’t know. But if you look, I’m sure you will find me.

Since being diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome I have had a hard time trying to be ‘normal’. I know I need to accept that I will always be different but when you receive a 4 page report on your diagnoses, it’s a bit like someone pointing out that you constantly pick your nose. I don’t know about you but when someone points out that you do something or act in a certain way, you do your best not to to do it because you have suddenly been made aware of these habits and mannerisms. One part of my diagnoses reads…

“He lacked eye-contact and his spoke with a number of unusual inflections. He had a tendency to include too much detail in his explanations and even when answering questions from me”

Ever since the report, I’ve tried my hardest to make eye contact with people, and to summarise my responses, but it just doesn’t come naturally to me. I know this is because of my condition and I can’t change who I am. But most of the time I just don’t want to come across as weird. It makes me wonder how I come across to people online. I don’t need to make eye contact with people on the internet, and on twitter you can only tweet 140 characters so you need to summerise too. Do I appear normal on twitter?
Twitter can be a strange place, lots of people all talking at once. So many opinions, so many voices. I have always been curious as to why people follow me. I don’t really tweet too often, I am not that funny and I don’t really have anything really interesting to say. I am definitely not part of ‘The Twitter Elite’ as some people call them. My profile says “likes random ramblings” and that’s what I do. I tend to tweet about whatever is on my mind at that moment, good or bad. I would say I am more open on twitter than I am on facebook or even in real life. This can be a bit of a curse at times as I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. My therapist said that most people do their best to hide the darker sides of their personalities or the things that make them vulnerable. I don’t tend to do that because then how will people be able to understand me if they don’t have all information needed.
Yesterday I posted a question:

“Why do you follow me on Twitter?”

100 people answered my question. It was anonymous so people could be honest. Most people who responded mentioned something about my surveys which I can understand. The survey which started off as my own form of therapy for understanding others has become a major part of my life online, which unfortunately has got a bit in the way of my main twitter account, but I doing my best to balance time between my account and @5urvey. I received a lot of positive feedback. People saying things like…

“I find you interesting, creative, and kind. I like your honesty. You seem open and kind of vulnerable. You rarely (if ever) interact with me but that’s ok. You strike me as needing a cuddle and a pep-talk. You seem to be a good person. Sweet, and loving.”

“Initially because I heard you on the Tell ’em Steve-Dave podcast, but I stay because your funny, post great Instagram pictures and have some similar interests too me.”

“Because you appear to be a nice bloke. You are funny. You certainly don’t deserve all the criticism you get from the twatters. Stay resilient my friend.”

It is always nice to read nice things but I also want to see what else people would write. This would be the chance to see what a lot of people really think of me.

“I follow you because I enjoy your interesting tweets from time to time. However this recent self justifiction bollocks is just needy.”

“At first because you were sweet but the egotism has got ridiculously out if control. See ya.”

I think a lot of these points are valid. I guess I do come across as needy at times, especially at the moment when I am trying to come to terms with my condtion. I don’t think I am being egotisic but I am not the person who wrote that so they must have their reasons too. I think hard part of Asperger’s is trying to understand others.

This response was the one I found the most interesting…

“I’ve noticed that you can be sensitive to certain things, I think it seems to upset you a lot when people unfollow so there’s a little bit of unintended pressure to continue following. Sorry, but you did ask.”

I am indeed a senstive person and so sometimes get upset when people unfollow me on twitter, but it really depends on who that person is. I know that one of the problems I have is to make and maintain friendships, and a lot of people on twitter I consider my friends. I am not too bothered by the number of followers I have. I used to get all excited when I gained new followers and sad when I lost them. I don’t know if it’s down to being on twitter for a while so it has lost a bit of it’s sparkle or since I past my personal goal of a thousand followers, or even down to my condition but I don’t get upset if I lose the odd follower. I only get upset if someone I follow unfollows me, esecially if it is someone I have met, know, and consider a friend. On Twitter I tend to follow people who I can relate too, but I mainly follow people who I can talk and have a conversation with. When someone sends me a tweet and I don’t recognise their picture or name, I normally look to see if follow them and have a look at the photos they have posted. They say pictures speak louder than words and I tend to agree with that. If they haven’t posted any photos then I don’t really have clear understanding of who they are. I am not really interested in food (due to my eating disorder) so pictures of food don’t interest me. The same goes with football or other sporting events as they don’t interest me either. If I see that a person has posted a photo of Star Wars stuff, or their favourite music, comics, sci-fi movies etc then tend to take an interest and follow that person. However I don’t tend to look too much in to what they have tweeted about. I assume we will get on just because we both like ‘geeky’ things. This was also picked up when I was diagnosed too…

“he appeared to choose friends based on the things they owned rather than personal qualities.”

This is not a reference to someones material worth, but if they liked the things that I liked. I have a really hard time relating to people who don’t like the things I like. This part of my condition too. If I don’t follow you on twitter it’s probably because you don’t tick some of these boxes not because I don’t think you are a nice person. I am also sorry if I come across as cold or aloof but it is all part of my condition…

“he can appear to lack empathy and that he is not very good at comforting others or understanding their point of view.”

I try and do my best not upset people but I know that it is impossible to keep everyone happy. It is hard for me to understand others and understand myself so I will always be searching for answers. It is in my nature. I always thought it was due to the scientist in me but now I know it is due to my Asperger’s too. I like order and stucture.

So why do you follow me? Well it’s due all of these things. It is because I am…
‘geeky’, ‘random’, ‘interesting’, ‘cute’, ‘brilliant’, ‘genuine’, ‘nice’, ‘kind’, ‘funny’, ‘lovely’ etc. but also because…

It’s been 32 days since I last posted, so what have I been up to? Well…

I went to Newcastle over the easter to visit a friend and absolutely loved it there. The people were so nice and friendly. We had such a good time that we are going back in June for www.evolutionfestival.co.uk

I could write a whole post about Harry Potter but I will let the official site tell you all about it.

“Warner Bros. Studio Tour London provides an amazing new opportunity to explore the magic of the Harry Potter™ films – the most successful film series of all time. This unique walking tour takes you behind-the-scenes and showcases a huge array of beautiful sets, costumes and props. It also reveals some closely guarded secrets, including facts about the special effects and animatronics that made these films so hugely popular all over the world.
Here are just some of the things you can expect to see and do:

See iconic props from the films, including Harry’s Nimbus 2000 and Hagrid’s motorcycle.

Learn how creatures were brought to life with green screen effects, animatronics and life-sized models.

Rediscover other memorable sets from the film series, including the Gryffindor common room, the boys’ dormitory, Hagrid’s hut, Potion’s classroom and Professor Umbridge’s office at the Ministry of Magic.

Secrets will be revealed…”

It was very impressive. I bought myself the elder wand from the gift shop, however no matter how much I have tried I have yet to cast any spells. RUBBISH!

I was off work for a week with shingles (woe). I still have the scars from when had shingles 9 years ago, and it returned to the same area. This time I was lucky and was put on medication before it got any worse. I am still not feeling 100% but I don’t think I am contagious as my skin hasn’t blistered so I am back at work and happy that I am no longer sat on my arse doing nothing.

I have been to three weddings this month, all of my friends are getting married and I am looking forward to my wedding which is now less than 4 months away.

Last Thursday I went to see The Avengers…I won’t talk about it too much as the film isn’t out in America yet, so I won’t reveal any plot details, but I will say this… I LOVED IT! Tony Stark being witty, Captain American going pow pow, and zinging his shield! Thor going zap with lighting and woo woo woo with his hammer! THE HULK!!! OMG! THAT PUNCH WITH THOR!!!! I loved that punch. Very Funny. Black Widow being all twisty turny and Hawkeye falling and doing his thing.
Aww it was just brilliant!! Loki was brilliant too.. awwww…. IT WAS SO GOOD!!!

So imagine my joy when I found a great running app called ‘Zombies, Run!‘. It’s basically an adventure story that you listen to while you are running. You play the character ‘Runner 5” and you’ve got to help your base rebuild from the ruins of civilization by going out and collecting critical supplies.

I am Runner 5! (Me sporting the official ‘Zombies, Run!’ T-shirt)

When you start your run, your base (Able Township) will give you a mission (from what I’ve done so far most missions last about 30 minutes) and then the app will play you tracks from your own music playlist as if your base is broadcasting it from their radio tower, it will then briefly interrupt the music every now & then to let you know you’ve found something, “You’ve picked up a first aid kit”. After each track someone will update you on your progress and how the mission is going, and letting you know if zombies are nearby. They will tell you If you need to speed up, slow down, and more importantly if you are being CHASED BY ZOMBIES!!!

Once you have completed your mission you will be told to return to base and the app switches to radio mode. This mode is basically the same as the mission mode but the story won’t progress any further. Instead two DJ’s from Able Township (the base) will give you light conversation between tracks. This basically gives you opportunity to ‘collect’ more items for the rest of your run. Once you have finished running you can then use the items you’ve collected to develop your base and help your surviving population thrive. My base as gone from a population of about 60 to around 150. You can then post your progress on Twitter. With a bigger base comes more missions and some unexpected surprises!

I started using the app about a month ago on ‘Accelerometer’ mode while using my Wii Fit. So yes, I had been doing a lot of running on the spot, and the app would detect the motion of my iPhone and calculate my approximate pace. Yeah, yeah, I know, I was a bit lame, it’s not real running, but using ‘Zombies, Run!’ had made double the about of time I spend ‘Free Running’ on the Wii Fit and made me want to go out running for real. So that was my next plan, go out on the streets, turn on the GPS, turn on the ‘Zombie Chase’ option, go for a run and see where the story would take me.

The first run I did was at night. I put on my black jogging bottoms and hoodie, and headed out into the darkness. I thought I was ready, I thought I was prepared. I wasn’t…

I turned out that running on the spot is NOTHING like the real thing (who knew). After about 10 minutes out I felt shattered, but I was scared. I was out on my own, and expecting zombies to attack me at any moment so I kept on running. A police car slowed as it passed me, so I turned the corner and started heading down a side road. I know I had done nothing wrong but the sight of the police car had given me a wake up call;

It’s late at night.

I am dressed in black with a black hoodie.

I am running.

If stopped, the police would probably not believe me if I told them I was being chased by zombies.

As the mission was over anyway I decided it was time for me to head home. I collapsed on the sofa, and started allocating my supplies. I had been out for about an hour. The next day I could hardly walk. I could hardly walk for a week. I ached all over. The next week I decided that from now on I would do more of a ‘Zombies, Walk!’ than ‘Zombies, Run!’. So that’s what I’ve been doing. Walking.

I have being doing Chichester’s Wall’s Walk, starting off slow at first, just incase I need to speed up due to the threat of Zombies. As it’s easy to complete the walk in less than half an hour, I’ve got into the habit of doing laps or adding to the route. I normally go out for an hour, given myself around 30 minutes to complete the mission and then 30 minutes of ‘radio’ time. Sometimes i’ll jog, sometimes I’ll stroll but I will always be out long enough to complete the mission.

Since starting ‘OPERATION: GET SKINNY’ I have been logging onto MyFitnessPal.com almost daily as part of my weight loss routine, but what I love most about ‘MFP’ are the forums. For those of you who are members, and only use the app, you are missing out on about 50% of what MyFitnessPal is all about… It’s about community.

Since joining MFP I have made some great online friends. I really like how everyone helps each other stay motivated and have their own story to tell, wheither it be that they want to lose weight, stay fit, gain weight or muscle. They all have their own reason to be on the site and a goal they want to reach. Of course there are the odd few people who disagree and have issues with others, but you will get that in any community, online or otherwise, and like I said, they all have different goals and reasons to be on the site.

Now, talking about weight loss is all well and good but I wanted to find more people who were a bit like me – a bit on the geeky side – so about a month or so ago I posted ‘Calling all Geeks & Nerds’ in the forum. The response was amazing! My friends list more than doubled, It went from 70 friends to 177 friends in a day. Because I had made so many new friends on there who were geeks and nerds I then created a group for us called, ‘The Geek Squad’. It’s a group for all things geek. So if you are a member of MyFitnessPal and you’re a massive sci-fi fan, into gaming, or just know your way round a computer, then this is the group for you. However, It turned out that there is an American store called ‘Best Buy’ whos IT support comany is also called ‘The Geek Squad’. This caused a bit of confusion, and even some abuse by some of the American members of MFP who thought the group was for ‘Geek Squad’ or ‘Best Buy’ employees. According to some of the members of the open forums who have had dealings with said company, they aren’t the most helpful or intelligent group of IT individuals.

I wanted to distance the group from this negative view of ‘geek’ & so I asked the members of the group to come up with a new name and mixedfeelings came up with the name ‘The Geek Squid’. I loved it! I then made a mascot (the little guy on the left), I again asked the group to give him a name, and due to a few drunken updates from myself where I use this word a lot, the squid gained the nickname ‘Squiffy’. I did want to go with a name that was suggested on twitter and I thought was genius, ‘Squeek’! It’s a combination of the words ‘squid’ & ‘geek’ and is a cute misspelling of the word ‘squeak’, but it looks like ‘Squiffy’ has stuck, and deep down I love that he is called ‘Squiffy’. I love the group, I am so proud it and it’s a great place for me to talk to other people who love the same things as me and to express my inner geek. We can talk about where we would travel in time if we had the keys to the Back to the Future DeLorean, or who our favourite character from Spaced is…

As you can see from youtube link & picture of me from 2008 standing outside “23 Meteor Street”, I am a massive fan of SPACED. On the night of Februrary 9th 2012 I had a dream that I was watching Spaced. I dreamt about the third series & I wrote about it here, in an entry called ‘Deep SPACED’. For those that have seen Spaced would know, there isn’t a third series, but in my dream there was. This series was new and picked up on the characters lives 11 years later. I won’t write the dream here as I have already done so a few entries back.
Well, my blog and twitter account are linked, so my blog will automatically send a tweet informing my followers and the other people on twitter that I have posted something. When I finished that entry a tweet was sent, like so…

The tweet was then was retweeted a few times, and some people also sent a tweet to Simon Pegg (who co wrote and starred in Spaced) about what I had written…

“Skip to the end…”

Anyway, on March 6th, Simon Pegg tweeted this…

Coincidence?!!! Well, probably yes… but still, It was nice to know that Simon Pegg was also thinking about SPACED, and that is awesome. or as Squiffy the geeky squid would say…