Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Nobody believes me when I tell stories about where Im from

I SWEAR that DONALD SLEEZER existed and that he was a TOTAL SLEEZER. I mean LOOK AT THE PICTURE?! Could you cast a better sleezer? THE COUCH?! I once got yelled at by Mrs Nettles (she was real too), who wore black leather mini skirts and tight black turtle neck sweaters and was like 57 because I called Donald Sleezer a DOUCHEBAG in fifth grade while playing kick ball. I yelled it because my friend Walter did. Walter was the only black boy in school, he was actually a Jahovahs Witness who had a white brother in a wheel chair, and had a white mom who wouldn't let him Trick or Treat or say the Pledge of Allegiance (way to make your black child FIT RIGHT IN MOM?!), and when I yelled it Mrs Nettles was like "WHAT?!", I immediately finger pointed, RATTED MY FRIEND OUT, and said "WALTER TAUGHT ME!" I think Walter may have had to sit out for a minute or go to the principal. I REALLY DID learn it from Walter and I didn't know what it meant, but I did know one thing... BLAME THE BLACK KID!.... Walter was a good dude and sorta acted as my body guard. I took him to my dads house in the country and my dad was shocked that this WALTER KID I spoke of was BLACK (GASP?!) but I never bothered to mention that he was because of course WHO FUCKIN CARES. He treated Walter super nice but my dad is a terrible racist in that "I don't know anything about the world and the idea that everyone doesnt look like GIGANTOR POLOCKS freaks me out." sort of way, like not actively racist but NOT EXPERIENCED yet LOUD. THANK GOD my parents were divorced. If I was raised by my dad I would probably be dead, or worse, STRAIGHT?! Walter was a smart kid but that THING happened where MIRACULOUSLY at PUBERTY the SHIT HITS THE FAN and somehow a kid who is in advanced classes in fifth grade is like a TOTAL WRECK by sixth grade, ends up failing, and goes to rehab at like 14. The same thing happened to CASSANDRA BAILEY. Cassandra (which is a HORRIBLE NAME being that its the woman who could SEE THE APOCALYPSE but NOBODY BELIEVED HER) was a genius in fifth grade and by sixth grade was a FUCKED UP HEAD CASE cause her dad was mental and by tenth grade she was a drop-out and had a baby by an unknown father named AMBER CALYPSO (swear to god that was her name AMBER CALYPSO, for a WHITE TRASH BABY IN THE WOODS?!.... AWESOME.) Sadly Walter died of a drug over dose at his friends wedding :( RIP Walter Jones you were a good dude. The real fucked up thing is as an adult I can look back and remember the school principal being a dick to Walter, making fun of his hair, in like forth grade... what a DICK... TED GARRUCCIO is a WOP CUNT. (I typed that hoping he googles his name) Its shitty that he had it tough like that, like childhood ACTUALLY EFFECTS ADULTS. I was just talking to my therapist about what a CUNT KICK it is that stuff that happened to you when you were FOUR sticks with you FOREVER, or at least until you recognize it and work on it, and genuinely effects your behavior. Like how come I never remember the zillions of AWESOME THINGS I experienced as a kid but I remember Ken Havens saying I had CHICKEN LEGS in fifth grade, which he said ONCE but I fucking carried it with me my entire life. Ive learned to THANK Ken now as my legs are MAJOR now, probably because of his early sewn and FORMER seed of evil that blossomed into GREAT LEGS... WHO KNEW?! I guess the medicine that really gets results rarely is easy to swallow, but Im frustrated by my unconscious. Its VEXING that there is this GIANT SHADOWY SPECTER that is responsible for a GREAT PORTION of your decision making and as much as you'd like to you CANNOT control it. You can learn to recognize it FOR SURE and work on changing it but its HARD. Im doing it now and Im so used to just CONTROLLING EVERYTHING that the subtleties of manipulating the unconscious is hard for me. Your unconscious is NOT your bitch, YOU are your unconsciouses bitch and you really have to learn how to work with it because it really owns you and go ahead and try and dom it and see how fast it knocks you on your ass. You can't TRICK IT either, or GET IT FUCKED UP and sideline it, its ALWAYS THERE. OMG my unconscious is MY MOTHER, standing there in the kitchen ARMS AKIMBO and CLOCKING MY STUNTS. The nice thing about the unconscious is that without it you would have no drive, creativity,personality or interests. I wonder if autistic people just don't have an unconscious??? I mean it kinda makes sense. Like without an unconscious starring at a toy train going around and around WOULD be fascinating (many autistic people are fascinated with trains)... anyways The nice part is when you actually make changes its almost baffling and genuinely feels like enlightenment.
ps My music teachers name was Miss Falsetto.

2 comments:

I wish Blogger had a "like" button like Facebook :) I especially like the part where you want Ted to Google his name so he can see what you wrote/called him. I appreciate the parts about the unconscious.

"Your unconscious is NOT your bitch, YOU are your unconsciouses bitch and you really have to learn how to work with it because it really owns you and go ahead and try and dom it and see how fast it knocks you on your ass."

This sentence stood out like a neon sign! My therapist & I are working on some things in my subconscious. It is a bitch!! Fuck! We think we figured out that something that happened when I was 1 1/2 is still influencing me. 40 years later! Good luck with yours :)

P.S. You have excellent taste in guys!! I greatly anticipate your "Daily Dudes" cause I know there's going to be some gorgeous guys (or guy parts lol) on display!