Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Dream, Dream, Dream

I wanted to write something for quite sometime now, but just couldn’t get my thought together, but what the heck, let the pen (or keyboard) do the writing!

Hmm, what should I start with?

I could talk about dreams, where I wanted to do many things, yet I didn’t have the chance, or didn’t put my heart into it. Generally there are many things I would like to do, sometimes I change my mind after working on it, others just potentially consume so much time that I stop at research stage. There is only so much time and resources, where I can only focus on one or two. I would like to draw art and comic, make a robot, build a game, travel the world … So many dreams, so little time.

Chasing dreams cost time and money, and both are precious to me. Frankly, I did sacrifice a lot of opportunities, time and money to do something which I believe in, yet I am not sure how it word turn out (kinda contradicting). It’s fun and useful, just that may not be economically viable. It’s strange how I lasted until today. Not sure I am dedicated and right in keeping my dreams alive or just plain naïve working around dead corners. Self doubt is the path I must go through.

Besides dreaming, I come to realize more I am not a good businessman. In fact, I am a pretty lousy one. I am shy and don’t dare to approach people, and I really sucks in sales and marketing or even PR. Deep inside I am still a techie enjoying new technology and solving technical problem. Yet, I had chosen the path of self-employment and entrepreneur wannabe. I should have work in some software company earning good money, yet there is something missing. I don’t get to do what I like, yet a lot of time working to earn some money is not actually very enjoyable (yet I try to do something enjoyable yet be able to make some money). I try to work around my weakness most of the time, which I think is the right way to go (is it?).

I think that I am smart, yet I feel I am lacking something. I am good, yet I haven’t actually tasted much “success”. Success is something pretty subjective, but I just wanted some sense of accomplishment, something I am happy and be proud of. I have a void I have to fill, something is missing. Certain feelings and senses.

Life is full of shit, just a matter of perspective how we look at it. We will never have enough time, money or love; just how we utilize what we have. When I get rich … will never actually come if I wait for it. It will happen when everything is in the right proportion. So won’t try won’t know, once tried will know.

Life is full of choices and opportunities, just that it is a bit hard to decide when we are at the cross road. I need quite a lot of convincing to do something, especially another partnership. It is not that I don’t believe in them (a bit though), just that I am not quite sure what to do with them. If you give me 100K, what I am suppose to do with it? If we are supposed to work together, what should we work on, and how? Too bad we are not much of a friend before we are partner, or not. If I were to find a job now, what should I do?

Everything has some potential, which require polishing, and the potential might not be that big, depending on what you do and how you think. I personally think a farmer could feed his whole family, why can’t a Technopreneur wannabe? Still I kinda feel the best way to make a quick buck is not through Technology, but Technology is more interesting.

I always wonder why people don’t take up their dream. Because a dream is a dream, it is uncertain and risky, and it had some hope in it, but nothing to concrete to feel safe about. Is like the wind, take no shape, can’t be captured, yet we know it is there. Like lottery?

Every dream has a start, and probably an end as well (keep we keep dreaming our entire life)? Let’s make 2009 the year to make a dream come through for me, or a few of them :)