Presenting Yourself Honestly

This is the second part of a series entitled, “The Pathway to Love.” This segment is on truth and presenting ourselves honestly as a necessary foundation before traveling the pathway.

Who doesn’t desire truth and honesty in relationships? After all, truth is the bedrock of all trust and love. So, if someone is lying in a relationship, it is usually a sign of a serious character flaw. However, we can unintentionally deceive people in other ways without being aware of it.

This problem comes from my own experience. Let’s say that I go out with a really beautiful woman, and I’m really into her. Over dinner, we talk, we laugh, and everything is perfect. Then, she drops the bomb.

Out of the blue, she feels the need to mention that she’s not religious and doesn’t like the Catholic Church because of all the “rules.” On the inside, this devastates me because I am very Catholic, but on the outside, I capitulate and nod my head in agreement. I mention nothing about being Catholic out of fear that we will not go out again. At that time, I didn’t have the backbone to be honest and articulate how I felt. That was my problem.

How many of us can relate to this? The scene may be all too familiar. An attractive young man asks a lady to grab a bite to eat at a nearby Chinese restaurant. Immediately an uneasy knot forms in her stomach because of her disdain for Chinese food. But, without missing a beat, she perks up, puts on her best smile and says, “Sure that would be great!” Inside she regrets it the whole way.

Why do we do this? Would not a more mature response be, “I actually don’t like Chinese food very much, how does Italian sound?”

The bottom line is that we need to be honest in every aspect of our relationships. If we are Catholic, we shouldn’t be afraid to say so. If we like (or don’t like) a particular movie, we shouldn’t pretend otherwise. If we aren’t comfortable kissing so early on in a relationship, we shouldn’t capitulate out of fear, etc. If we are not honest in relationships, then they are not going to work out in the long run.

We must have the self-confidence to be ourselves and to present ourselves honestly without the fear of rejection, of losing a second date, or of ending up alone forever. Staying with the wrong person will always keep us from finding the right person! Remember, dating is a mature act between mature adults, and nobody worth dating would dump anyone for requesting Italian food.

As a side note, how many people have even put up with abuse or have become someone they are not all because they were too afraid to be honest and stand up for themselves?

Every time you are not honest about your likes, dislikes or desires, you are giving someone a false impression about who you are. The version of yourself presented is not the real you, and which one of us does not want someone to fall in love with who we really are?

Bryan Mercier is a professional speaker and retreat leader. He has spoken to adults and teens for the last 15 on a wide variety of topics ranging from faith formation and apologetics, to spirituality, true love, and relationships. He also runs a ministry team called; “The R.O.C.K. Group,” that does dynamic retreats for Confirmation classes and other teens venues. Bryan has run a young adult Bible Study in Connecticut for eight years, and has his own blog.

19 Comments

Presenting yourself honestly is tricky , these days honesty is not a value that is greatly appreciated anymore it will have different effects on different people.

If one is presented as is as honest as one can be the counter part can interpret it as rudeness and a person can be perceive to have a total lack of tactfulness and what could had been a great relationship its doom right at the beginning .

On the other hand being honest at all times can raise trust and confidence on the counterpart but unfortunately to say its not always the rule.

I will think that honestly has to raise nice and easy as the relationship grows and the other person gets to know you better so the mirroring between the 2 can be understood and saying the truth is not offensive or misunderstood for the counterpart.

Bottom line trust has to be build by honesty alright but honesty its a trade that needs to be worked out nice and easy.

I think the author means self-respecting and true to your value and convictions. There is no reason for a matue person to be rude to others when doing these. If it is not a satisfactory match, then respect yourself and move on…

We want to be loved for who we really are, so I agree with this article. Why build a false image of ourselves? If a person likes you, they won’t mind if you have a preferences and opinions. Most people are decent and understanding, and those who aren’t…they’re not worth the time and heartache.

I think it is important to remain resolute to one preferences. I am fearfully and wonderfully made happy to be so and do no not want to compromise on what is a choice.
Consistency F2F and profile is reassuring.

I think it’s a problem with the modern world; we assume we’re dealing with someone who takes the Faith seriously when we approach a stranger. We ought to be assuming that we are talking to a pagan, because the society we live in is a pagan society.

I could nott imagine asking a woman out for a date who I did not meet in a Catholic forum (either at a singles event or on-line); even then, there are no guarantees.

Most people don’t know themselves and therefore can think they are being truthful when someone else can see what they don’t see. Inconsistencies can be conveyed as dishonest, when really it is a misunderstanding.

Being honest should be the hallmark of every single human being , but unfortunately to say its not a standard rule these days , taking into account all media bombarment and has made changes on core values and the individuality that todays society lives on , can make it tricky so one has to remain honest but also one has to be careful in order not to look untactful or rude to the other person.

Also in todays world some say that being to honest is to put yourself at risk because those who are not honest and hide behind a mask can take your honesty against you, they get to know your weaknesses and use them to hurt you if you are not in accordance to their purpose or plan , remember good or bad conceals him/herself behind a nice smile.

So yes honesty is important but has to be unleashed little by little till one is fully acquainted with the other person, besides your honest may be a value than the counterpart dont appreciate at all so its a good idea to use caution till one is fully secure that the counterpart deserves your honesty,

Dishonesty is caused by fear or low self esteem. f you feel you need to lie while on a date, is it because you are not truly in a place emotionally where you feel you are healed enough from a previous relationship or personal growth issues to be on that date?

Be careful, everybody! Just because you meet someone at Church or in a Catholic forum does not mean the person is actually committed to their Catholic faith. Make sure your date or sweetie knows how truly important Catholic faith is to you. If it would be a deal breaker if your honey left the Church for another faith, make sure you communicate this, and early. I pray that you will all find spouses to marry in our holy faith.