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Thursday, December 17, 2015

Widowed and Dating....

So i began dating a while ago, but in respect of Sean's fam, i've chosen not to really speak on it. Although, if you are a follower of my blog, or you know me very well you know there have been a few posts in reference to those I've dated or that have glazed over the matter.

Recently a friend asked me two questions
1. what is it like dating, as a widow?
2. What advice would you give someone whose dating a widow?

because lets be honest, many people don't know young widow and when they meet a 2nd one, immediately the first one they knew is like "the widow expert" .... so here is my limited widow expertise on this topic...

Question 1

When you become a "young widow" you immediately join a sisterhood of women who have suffered an extreme loss and heart break far too young... suddenly you go from knowing none, to now i have regular communication with 5-6. We are all in different stages in this journey, so we can be a good resource for each other. Thanks to my friend Tammy we even have a secret safe club to communicate amongst each other, with others who understand ,things that many at our age never will.

When you begin on this journey, you wonder will you ever find love again...

Will you have more kids one day...

Who wants to marry a widow, because there is definite emotional roller coasters at time.

And lets be honest, when your date asks, "why you are single?" and you say "i'm a widow" we tend to get one of three reactions....
Reaction 1. the immediate look of fear (did this chic kill him???) As messed up as this probably sounds, when i see this face, i tend to respond "yes! the answer to your question is yes" if you know my humor you know that this is done with with a completely straight face and a look like "if you F this up, you're next!" followed by a pause, then "I'm kidding"

Reaction 2: immediately follows the relieved look but now curiosity has kicked in , "So how did he die?"

Reaction 3. the immediate look of sadness and pity rather than fear, which is still followed by "So if you don't mind me asking, how did he die?"

Either way, it can be a real awkward moment...

But there are a few who make it past this point and the convo is still good, and you consider another date.

But you must realize that Widows date with a purpose. We know what we want, and what we don't...

I think initially we are looking to fill voids, may that be emotionally, physically, etc

Eventually you meet someone that seems to have lasting potential but you are very guarded...

I'm not going to open about my feelings, in fear of hurt and loss

I not going to let you meet L because i don't want her to get attached and then experience loss

And Im going to see how well you put up with me...

If you make it past this point and a few months, then i may begin to open up...

So far dating this has gone multiple ways as well.... and as you know theres a soundtrack....
1. yeah after a date or 2 I'm like nope, this aint gone work... i still haven't found a song that quite covers it....

2. they had stronger feelings but i was looking for something else...

3. I had feelings and they weren't ready everything that came with dating me, fell somewhere between here ...

and here...

4. the feelings are mutual and you both are willing to take your time to see what happens...

For Question 2

I think its hard to explain... but this is the best way i can....
1. If i stick around, its because i see something in you that i'm looking for... And i don't mean what you might be, what i want you to be, i mean who you are today....

2. Im a very open person, but becoming a widow makes you very guarded in love, so if i call you , or go out of my way for you i care. I may not say i care... i amy not say i miss you... and it may take me forever to say i love... but in this situation, my actions truly have to speak louder than my words.

3. if i let you meet L, you are truly special to me, because she is the most important person in my life, and I never want to see the pain and heart break i saw on her face that night, ever again....

So id you make it through all of these then this is the best advice i can give you

Thanks for sharing, and good luck with your journey. You are in uncharted territory for alot of people, and no one will truly understand what you're going thru. Take your time and be diligent. Good Luck Friend!

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the widow

The Widow

Ashley is a mother, a widow, a teacher, a photographer, a starbucks drinker, and a blogger! A sale shopper and loves a mani pedi any day of the week. Addicted to accessories and dollar bin shopping @ target. Loves a spring afternoon on a patio with a margarita or glass of wine.

the kid

The Kid...

Langston, affectionately known as L , already has a personality of her own. She is a brown eyed, makeup loving, soon to be 6 year old diva, that knows what she wants and may scream until she gets it (or guilt trip you into it lol).

She is wise beyond her years, and teaches me something new everyday.

She makes me want to be abetter woman and mother each and every day.

She has a smile that warms your heart and a frown that could melt it too. She is the center of our world and knows it!

The Angel

Sean was a father, a husband, a manager. A griller, a slim jim and meat eater, a poker player, basketball lover... ok a sports in general lover. Loved a massage and to be pampered (especially by the Ash.). A kareokee singer, a dancing machine, and a self proclaimed expert/the best at anything he did.