By and for Americans with Soviet roots

When flood waters wash up memories of a refugee childhood

By Anna Abramzon

I couldn’t cry during the flood, but I did beg. Please God, just don’t let my kids lose theirhome. Because I know what it’s like to not be able to go home.

When the water came to our doorstep, we forced our crying kids into a kayak. Alma’s eyes were so wide. She is seven. I wanted nothing more than to comfort her, to reassure her, but what was there to say? It was still raining. So hard. Suri, our three-year-old, screamed as I tore Lovie and Blankie from her pudgy hands. It killed me to take away her sources of comfort, but I couldn’t risk her dropping them in flood waters. There was no time for negotiations. It was hard to think, and the rain just kept pounding down. It was so loud. Like a shower that you can’t turn off. I followed my husband and the kayak into the water. It penetrated my boots, my jeans, my soul. In my head, I negotiated and made promises to God. Please, just let us get through this. There are no atheists in a flood zone.

I was Alma’s age when we left the Soviet Union. It’s all glimpses — the train packed with refugees to the ceiling, the feeling of falling asleep sitting up on a suitcase and then being jerked awake over and over again, the longing for my pillow, my grandma’s tear-streaked face as we said good bye.

We dragged the kayak up the street where kind neighbors welcomed us in. We dripped infectious flood water into their dry, warm home. They gave us towels and changes of clothes, snacks and a comfy couch. The kindness of near-strangers was sobering. I sat in their cozy living room in a state of half-shock, a million thoughts racing through my exhausted brain.

The rains have receded, but the flood of emotions has not. I remember the disorienting feeling of being a displaced child, of home being wherever you are at the moment. I had a Lovie then too — a ratty doll named Tzinzenella. Her smell, the texture of her hair, was home to me. I remember the excitement of waiting for my parents to unearth her from my suitcase, and the wave of nausea when I saw her head jerk back as they pulled out. The Soviet customs officers had slit her throat. Yes, they slit the throat of a child’s doll. Because they are bastards. But the worst part was that she smelled like a suitcase – she had lost the smell of home. Do you know what a flooded home smells like? A flooded house smells like sewage and mold. Any lovies touched by flood water can’t be rescued, their throats can’t be bandaged.

After what feels like an eternity of Hurricane Harvey — the storm finally moved on and the sun revealed a city destroyed. How disorienting to see the sun. How disorienting to put my home back together, dry, when most of my friends’ homes are a gutted pile of rubble. We came back to find that the rains had stopped an inch from our front door. But for hundreds of thousands of my fellow Houstonians, this was not the case. They are now living in shelters, at friend’s homes, or in rentals if they are lucky. We have the luxury of figuring out our next steps. So many people’s next steps are decided for them — demolish, cry, throw out all belongings, try to keep it together, remediate, fight anxiety every time it rains, rebuild. Months or years of displacement lie ahead of them.

In the heart of the storm, a friend texted me, “You will get through this, you are Russian!” It’s true that I draw on my parents’ Soviet strength at times of crisis, but when the flood waters rushed in I was not Soviet Strong, I was Houston Strong. We all are.

Such a raw and honest article! My family had our apartment burn down 4 days before Christmas the year I was in the third grade. We had a community rally together to help us through. With so many people affected by the hurricane it will have to be the country that rallies together to support those who have lost everything.

I was in a flood here in Australia in March- it devastated the whole area, and streets of people lost everything. It’s exhausting, and anxiety-building indeed. But yes, the kindness of strangers is amazing, and the infrastructure that we have as Westerners is a huge blessing. But I think I’m forever a bit scarred by the intense rain, and how fragile my home and safety turned out to be… you have my sympathy and understanding indeed. Blessings for your recovery, G

‘There are no atheists in a flood zone.’ Powerful line. This was tear-jerking. I’ve been looking for a piece to help me truly understand how destructive a hurricane truly is. No dorothy shit. The real deal. Thankyou so much, love. You gave me just the piece i needed to understand. Lovely piece, beautifully concieved and appropriately raw. Just the kind of pieces i love reading. Thanks again, love xxxxx sending love xxxx

Your story really brought home to me the horrors of what you all having been going through. I heart again goes out to you. Yes, I did donate to relief efforts via my church. Thank you for telling us your story! Blessings right where you are. ~ JO