Cheers & Jeers: The Bachelorette — Kasey Strikes Out!

It may have been hard to tell what the mush-mouthed ad exec was saying — even with the subtitles during his love poem! — but there was no mistaking the fact that he's bughouse loony. In a frightening attempt to prove he was there to "guard and protect her heart" (an oft-repeated phrase that no doubt launched a thousand drinking games), Kasey got a tattoo of a heart with a shield and 11 studs, representing the 11 studs who were chasing after her. (Ew.)

He revealed this ink to Ali on an Icelandic volcano — where better? — and she promptly gave him the "You are so ready to meet someone" (read: someone else) speech. Then she took off in a helicopter with professional wrestler (!) Justin, leaving Kasey standing alone on a glacier. (Note to producers: That's cold!) To be fair, Ali did say before the date, "The only thing he needs to do is be normal." And at that, Kasey failed spectacularly.

Another good call: At the rose ceremony, Ali sent non-entity Chris N. packing. In the limo, the entrepreneur burbled, "I'm at a loss for words, to be honest with you." When wasn't he at a loss for words? After she asked him about his guilty pleasure, the David Duchovny lookalike choked: "I really love Mexican food." Adios!