Philip Maddocks: Government celebrates ownership of 163,000 homes, says it is living the American dream

Friday

Jun 25, 2010 at 12:01 AM

The U.S. government yesterday celebrated its ownership of more than 163,000 homes, holding a nationwide backyard barbecue and telling the country that its achievement is singular proof that the American dream is within the reach of anyone – even an unwieldy federal bureaucracy that is more than a trillion dollars in debt.

Philip Maddocks

The U.S. government yesterday celebrated its ownership of more than 163,000 homes, holding a nationwide backyard barbecue and telling the country that its achievement is singular proof that the American dream is within the reach of anyone – even an unwieldy federal bureaucracy that is more than a trillion dollars in debt.

Calling it “one big step for the government and one small step for mankind,” the government said the latest tally of mortgage debt it is holding — some $145.9 billion — shows that it, the government, is not only concerned with doing the people’s work, but also living like its citizens as well.

“I can think of no better tribute to democracy and all its ideals than having the government that rules the citizens also live, like them, beyond its means. It’s a dream we can all share in,” the government said in a statement released just before it was to spend its lunch hour furniture shopping for the thousands of new homes it had just acquired. “The government may be empowered to act as the final law of the land, but it’s important to remember now that it is also now just another homeowner, struggling to make ends meet while watching its savings evaporate in the housing bubble.”

Real estate analysts say they aren’t surprised by how enthusiastically the governments has entered into homeownership.

“We pretty much knew the government was ready back in September 2008, when it seized Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. But you’re still anxious until everything is in place. This just has to be such a proud moment for it.”

After centuries of dwelling in the founding fathers’ home and “living for the moment,” the government said in its statement that it had at last decided to take responsibility for its life and step up to the duty of homeownership.

“This is probably the single biggest purchase the government will make — aside from the financial bailout and the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan — but at this point in its life, the government is ready to take the plunge and it will, like millions of other Americans, find a way to make homeownership work,” it said.

The government noted that it “could hardly wait” to meet its hundreds of thousands of new neighbors and to begin work on furnishing the living rooms, remodeling the kitchens, and repainting the bedrooms in its 163,000 homes.

But, it added, it wasn’t taking its purchases lightly.

“The government is well aware of the challenges and potential pitfalls of owning your own homes,” it said. “This isn’t about making a profit. This is about owning places you can call your own and to make a better life for your family. Homeownership has been, and continues to be, the aspiration of most every American. Why should the American government be any different?”

The government said it takes its responsibility to its new neighbors and new neighborhoods seriously.

“The government is a proud homeowner now and that pride shows in the compulsive way we keep up our tens of thousands of lawns,” the government said, noting that it asks contractors to mow lawns twice a month during the summer, and pays them, collectively, $10 million a month.

The Mortgage Bankers Association, which compiles housing data wasn’t sure what to make of the government’s official status as an indebted homeowner, saying it did not know whether to be optimistic or pessimistic of the government’s achievement.

“We may be at a point where the market is changing for the better, but we can’t be sure because of the confounding effect of the government’s new role as an owner with a mortgage to pay and a lack of means to pay it,” said an economist with the group. “But at least it still has a job.”

The government, for its part, said it has no plans to shirk its obligation as a new homeowner or quit its job.

“We have a duty not only to our neighbors and lenders, but to an ideal that is as fundamental to our nation as the horseless carriage and the arms length transaction,” the government said, noting that its total of outstanding mortgage payments could soon reach $389 billion.

The Mortgage Bankers Association did concede that the data on government homeownership from the first quarter of this year shows “beyond any numerical or philosophical doubt” that the U.S. government is “undeniably living the American dream.”

“Any way you look at it,” said a spokesman for the Mortgage Bankers Association, “the government homeowner numbers are extraordinary. At least that is what we are hoping.”

Philip Maddocks can be reached at pmaddock@cnc.com.

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