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Bad Hair Alert

Posted July 13, 2009

Well, it looks as if I managed to survive against all the odds. In case it passed you by, I’m referring to the prolonged heatwave, accompanied by dire health warnings, that was predicted for last week.

The Met Office, acting in line with the government’s inspired Heatwave Plan, declared that the whole country was under imminent threat from... ... the sun. It was thought that a red alert stage would be reached by mid week. This is the highest level heatwave warning which the Government defines as so severe that “the integrity of health and social care systems is threatened”.

In reality, we had a couple of days of blistering hot weather and humid evenings followed by a few summer thunder storms and subsequently replaced with drab, drizzly rain – the sort you come to associate with a planned day trip to the great British seaside.

So what is it with all these alarmist warnings? It seems that it’s not just terrorism that is deemed a major threat to the stability of the country. Things we used to just take in our stride now come with a hazard risk. A possible flu outbreak is classified as a pandemic. Even the weather is categorised on a scale of potential catastrophe.

There is one obvious omission though and it is something that every woman will recognise – a bad hair day.

Forget swine flu and heat waves. Bad hair days are what really hit the economy the hardest. It’s a known fact (ok, I may have just made this one up but it does sound convincing) that national productivity decreases exponentially in accordance with the severity of a woman’s bad hair day. It is, after all, very difficult to focus on your work when your hair takes on an unruly life force all of its own. On the other hand, a woman with a well coiffed head of hair can tackle anything.

In a recent poll conducted by Woman and Home, one third of the magazine’s readers said that they wanted a hair makeover. Crikey, that’s a lot of disgruntled women! And just think of the impact on the morale of the country. I’d say an average of one in three should definitely register as a high alert.

I am currently on amber hair alert which is why I’ve booked myself in for some highlights this Saturday. I’m trusting that Bruno, my wonderful hairdresser, can work his magic once again and restore my equilibrium. I think of it not as a cost but as a considered contribution to the wellbeing of the nation.