A world with no mystery

Saturday

Aug 2, 2014 at 6:00 AMAug 2, 2014 at 6:14 AM

By George Barnes TELEGRAM & GAZETTE STAFF

The other day while out visiting my hundreds of friends on Facebook, I stumbled on yet another of the many ridiculous tests and challenges available to people such as myself who have too much time on their hands.

I don't need to explain this to anyone who is hooked on social media — the modern and still socially acceptable equivalent of crack cocaine. We have all been sucked into taking one of the tests.

The Internet has become like the disco/night club Studio 54 was in the 1970s — a place where people can go and hang out with hundreds of other people and indulge in an addiction without fear or shame.

If you missed the opportunity to use drugs in the '60s and you aren't from one of the marijuana states, this is your thing. It is also a place where, if you ever had a secret, it is no longer a secret.

Lately there have been all sorts of tests on Facebook to help people discover their inner selves. Some of them include answering a few simple questions to find out what Disney character you are, your animal spirit is, your porn star name, and many other things, including what your rock band's name is.

Yes. Yes. Led Zeppelin! Woo! But I wasn't talking about your favorite real rock band. The test helps you discover the name of your fake rock band. It is a simple test. To discover the name, you are asked to combine the color of your underwear to what you last ate.

One would assume most people would be too embarrassed to announce to their 500 or so Facebook friends what color underwear they were wearing, but many jumped at the chance. The result was some surprisingly cool names for rock bands. For example: White Rib-eye Steak would be a good name for maybe a Southern Rock Band, or Blue Tacos and Tums could be a group out of Southern California.

It was pretty cool to see what names were created, but the real result of the test was that we all now know what color underwear our friends wear, and we will never be able to look them in the eye again.

At least it will be difficult for me, because I am a bit of a geezer. We elderly people grew up in a more genteel time when we were not allowed to know what color underwear people were wearing. If we came across that information, we would be expected to go right to church and confess our sins.

When I was a young man, we had certain knowledge about our neighbors and friends. We knew the names of everyone's parents, kids, and what car they drove. That was about it.

We had no clue what the name of their cat was. We did not know what they were eating at any given moment, what beers they were trying (I am the worst offender), and especially we did not know the name of their rock band unless they were really in a rock band.

I am not easily shocked. In fact I am almost never shocked, so don't even try. I am just saying that people today are open books. In those books there are chapters with everything we always knew about them. There are other chapters that a couple of decades ago would have been banned in Boston, in Chicago, in Clinton, in Sturbridge and most other places. Today all the shocking stuff is in the book just after the introduction.

I am not sure it is good for society. Life used to have its level of mystery. Relating with other people always required a certain amount of discovery. Now if you meet someone, you can step back, pull out your phone and Google them. Then you look up one of their social media pages. When you return to the table it is an instant connection. Just like them, you love rescued pit bulls and your favorite thing to do is take sunset pictures.

Our lives are on display for everyone to see. In a way it is great. It makes for quicker friendships. No time is wasted. But it also worries me a little. I like the mystery and the chance to discover someone new.

Contact George Barnes at george.barnes@telegram.com. Follow him on Twitter @georgebarnesTG.