If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

T Rating: This means your fiction contains content not suitable for children. If you are going to post this kind of story, you simply have to put this warning also in your fanfiction title, with something along the lines of PG-13 or Not Suitable for Children. Fanfics that belong to this cathegory have medium violence, some bad language and romance (again, nothing excessive or explicit).

Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

Chuck Norris mind is so sharp that he once wressled with a riddle and accidentally killed the answer.

When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

Chuck Norris does not need a passport. Chuck Norris exists in all 24 time zones simultaneously.

Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.

The Best Villians of our Time: Colonel Klink, Darth Vader, Hitler's Evil Twin, The Evil Monkey from Family Guy, Sanjia, The man who killed Chuck Norris, and the Easter Bunny. What do they all have in common? None of them Exists.

i've got a few:
1) Chuck norris doesnt go hunting as hunting can be both successful or unsuccessful. No. Chuck norris goes KILLING!
2) On holloween, the devil goes out for trick-or-treating dressed as chuck norris
3) Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick
4)Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO

Chuck Norris does not leave messages he leaves warnings
Chuck Norris is never late time slows the F down for him

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Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of his head - before he even starts running.
There are no races, only groups of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
It is impossible for Chuck Norris to have a mortal father. Popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.
In the beginning, there was nothing. Then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked that nothing and told it to get a job. That is the story of the universe.
Chuck Norris doesn’t write books - the words assemble themselves out of fear.
Chuck Norris can believe it’s not butter.
Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
Contrary to popular belief, an asteroid did not kill the dinosaurs. One day Chuck Norris lost to God in a game of poker, then killed the dinosaurs out of rage.
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps bullets. Then he uses the bullet to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. This is called the circle of life.

A cobra once bit Chuck Norris. After seven days of excruciateing pain, the cobra died.

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Our friends' hopes and dreams are etched into its body, transforming the infinite darkness into light!Unmatched in heaven and earth, one machine, equal to the gods!Super Galaxy Gurren Lagann!We're gonna show you the power of the human race!

Chuck Norris has alreay been to Mars. That's why there's no sign of life there.

ROFL, he killed them all!!!!!!!!11!!!1!

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Our friends' hopes and dreams are etched into its body, transforming the infinite darkness into light!Unmatched in heaven and earth, one machine, equal to the gods!Super Galaxy Gurren Lagann!We're gonna show you the power of the human race!

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