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Monday, August 15, 2011

You people crack me up. I would have thought that after the crap I pulled on April 1, you'd know not to take me seriously. I'm actually doing really well right now, happier than I've been in a long time. And a big part of that is GenQ. Having something to work on - and work towards - that is mine, that doesn't belong to some faceless corporation, is just the best. And you know what else is the best? You all are. Because the day my first humor piece went up on the GenQ site, you all went over there in droves and gave us our best day ever. Way more hits than for anything else we've run, and because of that, we're starting to use those stats in promotional materials.

So, I'm asking you - pretty, pretty please - to do it again. My new humor column is up right now so please go over there and read it and leave a comment (at the GenQ site please!) letting us know if you liked it. And if you were offended by it, then you are a soulless demon with a heart made of the blackest coal and I will find a way to make fun of you in a future piece. So you should leave a comment too!

And in return I will come back here in the next couple of days and tell you all about how my husband and kids decided to celebrate my birthday. It involves my 4-year old repeatedly shouting, "TRUST ME! I'M A DOCTOR!"

Friday, August 12, 2011

Good grief, y'all, I'm 42 today. Every year, my birthday makes me feel more and more melancholy. I wonder about how little I've accomplished, and whether there is much more to look forward to in the second half of my life. Yes, I have a wonderful husband and two great kids. I've become a humor writer and I'm starting a new publication. But somehow, on this day, I wonder if it all means anything, if I'm doing any of it right.

I'm honestly not fishing for praise or birthday wishes here. Just having one of those mid-life moments where you start to think that maybe something is missing from your life. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I just feel like there's an emptiness, a space in my life just waiting to be filled. It's hard to grasp, but I just don't think I've experienced everything that life has to offer.*

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

So, when I first had the notion of this calendar project, I wasn't really thinking about any profits that might come from it, because, well, I figured there wouldn't actually be any. I mean, who besides me, would want to see some very un-model-esque dudes sans chemises holding burritos while lounging on quilts? To me, that is pretty much the very definition of awesome, but then I'm a middle-aged woman who doesn't get out of the house much. I get excited over new yogurt flavors. ("Pomegranate-mango-guava-gooseberry? And a three-cents-off coupon? Why, yes, I will have 10 of those!")

Then it seemed perhaps I was wrong and I might be able to sell five or six and I figured that, like my t-shirts, a few extra bucks in my pocket on occasion wouldn't hurt (I make about $15 a month off the t-shirts). Particularly since I now have no income at all and probably won't for the foreseeable future. Then someone asked if the models will get paid out of the "profits" or will it go to charity and I said charity because I really, really want to make this calendar and if I have to get all altruistic and shit to get it done, then fine.

So, now I have to decide on a charity. What I would like to do is take any profits (and I'm still not convinced there will be much of that, but we'll see) and give it to my brother. Most of you know, but some newcomers may not, that just over a year ago my brother was diagnosed with glioblastoma multiforme, a very aggressive form of brain cancer. The chemo has been keeping the tumor growth under control, but we just had a big scare when he got pericarditis, most likely from having a compromised immune system. At some pont, he may get sicker and possibly unable to work, and as anyone who has had or knows someone who has had a long illness, it can wreak havoc on your finances. Insurances don't cover everything, and sometimes they run out. And anyway, you get the point.

But maybe that's still too self-serving to count as a charity? Maybe you'd prefer to see the profits go somewhere else? I'd like to hear your thoughts and suggestions on what I should do with the twenty bucks and change (that's a rough estimate) that I could potentially make from this project. Let me know in the comments here or on Facebook and I'll try to make a decision in the next few days.

Meanwhile, I have 6 sets of photos of some very awesome and adorable guys (and I might just have a tiny little crush on Mr. October) and more have been promised me this weekend. And if you want to participate, but your guy won't cooperate, I'll give you the advice I gave someone on Facebook last week. Just wait for a morning when your man-candy is lounging in bed (and of course you have a quilt on the bed, right? And naturally he has no shirt on, right?) and offer to bring him breakfast in bed. Then you bring him a nice breakfast burrito, and once he's got it, you whip out the digital camera, wing off a few shots and then run like hell!

Monday, August 1, 2011

Whatever you do, do not go over to Generation Q today and read the guest post by Josh Cacopardo. The boy cracks me up, and I'm a humor snob. People are always sending me links to stuff and saying, "OMG thi sis SO FUNNY I know youll love it LOLOLOLOLOLOL" and in my head I'm composing doctoral thesis-length essays on why it's not funny at all. So, when I tell you I think somebody is funny and an excellent writer I mean it, so obviously I cannot let you go read his column, because then you'd all abandon me in droves. I'm pretty sure Josh doesn't ever link to penis pictures though he does apparently drink a hell of a lot more than I do, so who knows what could happen after a few highballs. The man could be a penis-linking machine and we'd all be taken completely by surprise. Oh, and - he's an infant. Like, 29. Way too young to be writing this well. Maybe his mom is doing it for him. So, like I said, don't go over there and comment or anything like that. We don't want to encourage the boy.

Okay, fine. Go. He's awesome. You'll love him.

Meanwhile, our calendar is moving right along. I have received four sets of photos and hoo boy are they good. I am so tempted to describe them, but I really want the whole thing to be a surprise when it's done, so no sneak peeks for you. And the gentleman who runs the Quilt Guy online group sent the call for models out to his mailing list and now I've got a few bachelor fellows eager to strip down for the camera. So, just to reiterate: the Quilter's Shirtless Man and Spicy Burrito calendar does not discriminate based on age, physique, marital status or sexual orientation. We do however discriminate against all other forms of south-of-the-border-food. So, no sissy tostadas, hombres.

I loved the fabrics before I put them together in this configuration. Now I think they look stupid. BUT my curved seams are all damn near perfect and so I planned to hang that sucker on the wall just so I could look at it and gloat. I went to JoAnn for batting last weekend, and like the chump I am bought some cheap-ass package of fusible polyester batting. This stuff was supposedly fusible on both sides, unlike the Pellon fusible fleece I usually get, and I thought that would be right handy and it would have been if the stuff wasn't about as fusible as an old Band-Aid. But I got some of it to stick and then I headed for the sewing machine to stipple the living crap out of it (I don't do "free motion quilting." I stipple the living crap out of things.) It was a disaster. I don't know if it's the fleece or my needle or the simple fact that everything that can go wrong in one person's life has done so in mine over the last week, but I finally gave up and am now in the process of ripping out all the stitches. I don't know what I'll do with the damn thing now. Other than curse it for all eternity, I mean.