KID SHIRT

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

"NEXT!"

If Blogging is entering its Seventies Phase then I'm both thrilled and flattered to be described by Simon R as The Sensational Alex Harvey Band. Stompy Pre-Punk Cover-Versions of Brel performed by a shouty Scotsman and someone made-up as a clown pretty much sums up both me and this blog.

Though, personally, if asked to describe my blog as a mid-Seventies act, I would have opted for The Sadistic-Mika Band: Overrated, heavy and needlessly shrill, but looks great on a T-Shirt worn by Eno:

By 10 o'clock this evening, everyone will have done one of these, but what the heck...

If my blog is Alex Harvey, then:

K-Punk is Slapp Happy.
Gutterbreakz is David Vorhaus' White Noise.
Idiot's Guide is The Portsmouth Symphonia. (With Loki as Kevin Ayers; Kempernorton as The Lurkers)
SilverDollarCircle is Cockney Rebel.
Psychbloke is Bachmann Turner Overdrive.
Woebot is Osibisa.
Farmer Glitch is Cheech and Chong.

UNIFORM UNIFORMS

They should make policewomen wear those old-fashioned police-helmets that bobbies on the beat still occasionally wear; that would be really funny, I reckon.

I'm not saying this out of any sense of sexual maliciousness; I just think there should be more consistancy in the uniforms worn by police-officers. To make policewomen wear something different to the men is both sexist and darnright confusing.

Yes, but why those impractical, old-fashioned helmets? Well, foreign tourists visiting Theme-Park Britain have a right to expect something that is traditional and which reinforces their idea of Engishness. After all, these are the people paying our wages. If we're not prepared to make an effort about something as trivial as this then maybe we should forget the whole Heritage/Theme-Park thing and go back to building things for a living, rather than being a nation of Service-Providers. C'mon, it's just common-sense.

Uniformity of police uniform shouldn't just be gender-based: in fact, patrol-car based officers should also be made to wear these old-style helmets, especially while driving, so that they are forced to drive in an uncomfortably-cramped, hunched-up position. Old people in particular would find comfort and reassurance in the sight of 6ft-plus bobbies in full dress-uniform squashed into tiny Sixties Z-Cars style vehicles. And police-cars should have alarm-bells again, like they did in The Fifties, rather than sirens, since bells are extremely tinny and shrill-sounding, and would therefore unsettle people who have just committed or who are about to commit an illegal act. These measures would also, I feel, send a very clear message to the UK's criminal fraternity of our seriousness and committment to something or other.