February 15, 2011

A moment of truth

Wow, it is still Valentine’s Day in the states. Therefore, the media is still in overload about everything about love, relationships, women, and etc…Speaking of the states, I may have to move back home. I am not happy about this at all. Anyway, I just read Terry McMillan’s article about “Why you are not married.” Terry McMillian’s fame came from How Stella Got Her Groove Back and marrying a gay man. Hardly an authority. However, I have to say, I think she nailed it on the head. Read it here.

This part rings true about me:

5. You’re Selfish.If you’re not married, chances are you think a lot about you. You think about your thighs, your outfits, your naso-labial folds. You think about your career, or if you don’t have one, you think about doing yoga teacher training. Sometimes you think about how marrying a wealthy guy — or at least a guy with a really, really good job — would solve all your problems.

However, a good wife, even a halfway decent one, does not spend most of her day thinking about herself. She has too much s**t to do, especially after having kids. This is why you see a lot of celebrity women getting husbands after they adopt. The kids put the woman on notice: Bitch, hello! It’s not all about you anymore! After a year or two of thinking about someone other than herself, suddenly, Brad Pitt or Harrison Ford comes along and decides to significantly other her. Which is also to say — if what you really want is a baby, go get you one. Your husband will be along shortly. Motherhood has a way of weeding out the lotharios.

I can’t have kids anyway. I think that it has definitely made me more incredibly self-centered more than selfish. I am all about me and how you would fit in my life. The drawback is that it can be lonely, but I am my own cheerleader (hence this blog). I just do not want to be wholly dependent on someone else for my survival. I really think that it is dangerous to do that, especially for a woman. I can’t imagine not being able to buy what I want and do everything I want to do. I do not want to marry my “daddy.” I already have one. Unlike McMillan, I was not raised by foster parents. Also, I believe being celibate weeds out a lot of lotharios.

Having “character” is an important trait I seek in a mate. I am really not interested in throwing a once in a lifetime party. I can’t imagine spending $20,000 or more on a wedding or someone spending thousands on a ring. I don’t even like wearing rings! I don’t even have a shoe fetish. I own brown, black and blue shoes. Therefore, I am not a typical female.

I love this part:

Alright, so that’s the bad news. The good news is that I believe every woman who wants to can find a great partner. You’re just going to need to get rid of the idea that marriage will make you happy. It won’t. Once the initial high wears off, you’ll just be you, except with twice as much laundry.

Because ultimately, marriage is not about getting something — it’s about giving it. Strangely, men understand this more than we do. Probably because for them marriage involves sacrificing their most treasured possession — a free-agent penis — and for us, it’s the culmination of a princess fantasy so universal, it built Disneyland.

The bottom line is that marriage is just a long-term opportunity to practice loving someone even when they don’t deserve it. Because most of the time, your messy, farting, macaroni-and-cheese eating man will not be doing what you want him to. But as you give him love anyway — because you have made up your mind to transform yourself into a person who is practicing being kind, deep, virtuous, truthful, giving, and most of all, accepting of your own dear self — you will find that you will experience the very thing you wanted all along: