Step One - We admitted we were powerless over alcoholo - that our lives had become unmanageable.

From: How Al-Anon Works - pg. 46 (copyright 1995, by Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. Limited use by express written permission of Al-Anon Family Group Headquartrs, Inc.)

With this First Step, we admit that we did not cause, cannot control, and cannot cure the alcoholic, the disease of alcoholism, or the fact that we have been affected by this disease. We are powerless over alcohol - and its effects on us. By ourselves , we can do nothing to overcome the effects of this disease. In fact, our attempts to exert power over alcohol have made our life unmanageable.

Love in Recovery - Dot

PS - Sorry to be late with this - had troble with my keyboard. Be back later with a share.

Eventhough I knew in my heart the 3Cs of addiction, I still acted like I didn't at times. It didn't really hit until I asked my A to leave this past week, because he started drinking again.

I am absolutely powerless over the alcohol. How did I think that by throwing it out that it would get him to stop? It didn't. At that point it only made it a bit easier on me at the moment. At least he wouldn't drink the entire bottle and hopefully be to passed out to go get more. Guess what? He'd sober up enough to go get more later!

I knew I didn't cause it. How could I? I am not God, and I can't give him a disease. Control it? Hmm.... read the above paragraph. Cure it? I've struggled with this one at times. Maybe I couldn't cure him, but could I help him change? There were times I've thought so. We would spent countless hours talking when he was sober about his addiction. I've done a lot to understand this disease. Read, read, read, talked to countless experts, addicts, alanoners, etc. But cure him? It's not up to me to do it. I can't. It's up to him. Like it's up to me to take care of me.

As for unmanagable, not as bad as some people. But certainly not the life I want to lead. Being afraid to come home. Not knowing if he's drinking or sober. Getting mad as as when I see my home trashed and him passed out on the bed. Being resentful because he has been given more chances than not to "reinvent" himself and work on his recovery, while I still have to work. The rollercoaster ride of emotions that go along with this disease. Now this week, having had all the stress finally catch up with me, that I am suffering physically. Yes, my life has become unmanagable.

But now is the time for me. It's starts with me, working my steps all over again. Not a bad thing to do. Haven't given up the fight for my recovery. But I have given up the old way of thinking. It's my life, I will take no prisoners.

Lots of good suggestions, Barb. I've read them all many times and continue to do so. I suggest the Drs Opinion and the chapter To The Wives in tha AA Book to any new person - and it's mandatory reading for those I sponsor.

When I first came to the tables, I didn't really think my husband was an alcoholic. I thought he was the strong one and that if I could stop making mistakes and make him happy he wouldn't have to drink. Each time we had a fight I thought I would get it right from now on and things would be fine. BUT, the rules kept changing.

At the tables I was told that his sobriety was not my business - nor was his happiness. That my business was taking care of myself. I didn't know how to do that.

The 3 C's helped me start. I didn't cause his drinking so I stopped trying to stop him. Instead at first I called someone in the program and that helped me take my eyes off of him - I was usually told to get busy - do something constructive - clean someting or bake something. I had some really clean floors as I tried to wash the alcohol out of him.

I already knew that nothing I did had controled or cured the drinking but I always thought there must be something more I could do if I could just get it right the next time.

One day at a time - as I got busy - I began to feel better. Nothing had changed in the house except my actions. I was no longer reacting to the a. (sometimes) And when I didn't we didn't fight.

By calling a friend - getting busy - reading the literature - getting to meetings - I was able to detach myself from the a's problems and allow him to suffer the consequences of his actions.

It wasn't easy - and nobody told me it would be - but it was worth the effort and sometimes pain to become my own person. Before Al-Anon I didn't know who I was.

Today, after many 24 hours, I'm happy, joyous and free most of the time. And if I'm not I know I'm the one who has to change.

hi Dot , Barbara and Karilynn , thanks for those shares on powerless over an alcoholic's behaviour . I find that the programme can also be applied to other kinds of behaviour too sometimes. Sounds like you're all doing well on the road to recovery. I would say I'm happy joyous and free part of the time now ! maybe 50 % , but I'm pleased to hear that you have more of it Dot ! can't cause cure or control - yes that's a good slogan. I think that's true but that it's possible to make things worse sometimes which is what the programme is for I guess . I often slip up in recovery and repeat mistakes too , but overall find that things are spiralling in the right direction.

From: How One Day at a Time in Alanon - pg. 30 (copyright 1992, by Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. Limited use by express written permission of Al-Anon Family Group Headquartrs, Inc.)

"Most of us come in Alanon for hep as a last resort . We've tried everything else. Perhaps we've seen it's effects on others , it seems to have worked like magic , and we want some of that ! Then we find out that it isn't magic - it's a kind of spiritual common sense that we must buckle down and learn"

Good reading, Vicky. You're right - al-Anon didn't turn out to be the quick fix some of us wanted. I certainly didn't want to hear that I needed fixing. Changing myself was not something I had anticipated.

One by one as I progressed through the Steps I did change and one day at a time my life got better because I learned to make decisions that were good for me and not someone else.