A Think Piece of Christian Buzzwords

A Think Piece Response to the Open Letter to My Unborn Child About the Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew to Pray For: a Manifesto

You guys, I’m not trying to start a debate. I just need to share my heart. If you’ll be open to receive this, it will revolutionize your walk with God, change the way you read the Bible, and give you a new focus for missions. This is a bold, new voice and a fresh perspective, which is also a breath of fresh air. They’re both fresh.

We must engage the culture. To do this, the Church has to build a bigger table. Unless the table is problematic. In that case we must stay on mission with what the Bible clearly says about the 5 things you should never say to the parent of a special needs child. Grace.

This R-rated movie is unsafe for your family because it has sex scenes, which I will now describe in detail because I watched it so that no one else has to. Also, no Christian should ever watch Game of Thrones. And when we watch Game of Thrones, here are 6 theological takeaways:

Church abuse. Can we sit idly by as these false teachers stuff Starbucks holiday cups down their yoga pants? This is not true beauty. We must check our privilege at the door of the Target bathrooms before we rush blindly inside to destroy the glass steeple of patriarchy with the 5 things every daughter needs to hear, and NO ONE WAS PREPARED FOR WHAT HAPPENED NEXT.

And what of Trump? Can any Christian in good conscience vote for this man, knowing full well that he will preside over the Tomlinization of the modern worship industry? Outreach. We must deal with our secret sin, strive for social justice, all the while defending traditional gender roles by being #woke to these 7 Biblical superfoods:

So looking forward to worshiping together with my brothers and sisters! [Facebook check in at Baptist church]

Why are millennials leaving the Church in droves? I need to process this for a moment. I need to sit with this for a moment. I need to meditate on this for a moment. I need to get some feedback on this for a moment. Scroll down and type “amen” in the comments to receive your blessing; most people won’t.