Everything is at it is because I intend for it to be that way, because that is the way I am choosing it to be.

I keep testing it. It keeps coming up true for me. Sometimes I may have been unaware of why I tolerated it. But it always made sense when I found the underlying payoff I was settling for.

I used to complain in my business that so many people were dependent on me. That I worked longer hours than I wanted to. That I didn’t take as much time to play as I did to work. All my doing. Addictions to value found in what others thought, value in another dollar in the bank, and value of doing vs. being. All my choosing. Once I saw it, I changed all that.

I used to complain about the things that frustrated me in my marriage. It felt so good when countless friends and counselors bought into my belief. I didn’t see it then, but it served me no good. So what did it prove? That I was “justified.” So what? I was choosing my reaction. I was choosing the way I was showing up, the things I chose to focus on in my husband. I wasted so many valuable, precious moments. I choose now what I want to create and then I do it. Not dependent on anyone else to show up any particular way.

I used to complain when people took advantage of me. When I felt used. When I felt encroached upon. My doing, not theirs. Feels good to be the hero, to be the “go to”, to be the leader, to be the one to find the breakthroughs and solutions. I was hurting them and myself by feeding off these lesser payoffs. I discovered I was handing them a pair of crutches and asking them to run a race. My doing.

Don’t trust what I’m saying. Test it. Test it for yourself. EVERYTHING that exists in your life, ask yourself, “How am I allowing this? Is the payoff worth the price? What do I want to choose instead of this?”