Realm of the Sam

Welcome to my dark corner of the web. Here you'll find a smattering of things that I've pulled from the jumbled mess of my mind and commited to words. I don't pull punches, and this page is not for kids or the weak of heart. So read on, my happy little humans, to a glimpse of the Realm of the Sam...

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Happy Holidays!

Ah, the season is upon us again. Time for excess, frantic spending, and annnoying Christmas Carols blaring over every intercom of every place you go. But seriously, the holidays are a great time to get together with loved ones, family and friends you haven't seen in a while, and toast your victories, and work past your defeats. Please remember to drink responsibly when you're out having a good time this holiday season. Get a cab, a designated driver, sleep over, whatever works, just please don't drink and drive. Happy holidays, one and all.

Friday, November 18, 2005

They're called books...

I haven't posted anything in a little while, but here I am again, and I've got a chip on my shoulder. I was watching The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, one of my favourite movies the other night, when a vivid memory hit me. It was the first time I had seen the movie with my friends in the theatre. For those who haven't seen the movie, it's based off of a series of graphic novels in which various characters from classic literature come together. Alan Quartermain, Captain Nemo, Dorian Grey, Dr. Jekyl/Mr. Hyde, even Tom Sawyer makes an appearance in the film. The special effects are great, Sean Connery is wonderful as he always is, a fine actor by any standard. The next part is a spoiler, so be warned if you haven't seen the movie, but it's by no means a new film, so you're going to have to deal with it. At the climax of the film, Quartermain and Sawyer have caught the mysterious mastermind known as M. And Quartermain reveals that M is in fact James Moriarty. Half of the audience loved the twist, and caught on in seconds, it was perfect. Then there was the other half, the dim witted kids and teens, the kind who could barely shut up for five seconds during the film or shut off their damn cell phones. They just stared blankly at the screen and said "who's Moriarty?". Professor James Moriarty was the nemesis of the great Sherlock Holmes, a criminal genius without equal. I nearly reached back behind me and throttled the stupid twerps for the outburst, and it got me thinking...

What the Hell is wrong with kids nowadays?

I'm nearing 30 years of age, and in the last decade of life I've observed enough shocking evidence that gives me great fear for our future, our time as a species may soon come to an end. Today's youth has no sense of value, little morality, and above all, virtually no common sense. They no longer read classic literature, or virtually any literature at all. I've asked kids about school in light conversation, and they all say they hate reading, school sucks, I'd rather hang out with my friends at the mall. The older generations and my generation are the ones keeping the past alive, the youth of today is trying very very hard to deny the past, to march blindly on to a new future, with no consideration of the values, the lessons that their predecessors had left for them to use with responsibility.

Love is a strange term now, something that no longer really exists, not as it is supposed to be. When you're near someone, and your pulse quickens, you lose your train of thought, and you want that person to be a special part of your life, that's love. Nowadays, love is considered sex. If you have sex with someone, you love them. With all the casual sex, mixed partners, STD's, unwanted pregnancies, and other such complications around, it would seem that love is being spread faster than the flu. I see girls, 18-25yrs old, pushing around strollers, and it makes me sad. Most of these young mothers weren't expecting that, but they went through with it anyway. They still had growing up to do themselves, and now they have to entertain their inexperience upon their children. What are these kids going to grow up like? It's unfair to the kids, as much as it is to the mothers. I'm not saying every young mother is a bad mother, but a large percentage are, and its sad to see.

Chivalry is a term that these kids think spawned from Shakespeare, and is pretty much ignored. Decency, morality, compassion, respect, kindness; I haven't seen this from the next generation in any inspiring quantities. Guys say the rudest things to women now, things I could never bring myself to say. They treat them like property, hands on their women's necks (I've seen this before, like leading them on a leash), speak to them like they're beneath them. I've worked with these kids (they seem to be all there is in the workforce nowadays, where'd the people my age go?), and listen to them make the crudest jokes, singing songs about cheating on their girlfriends, and I just shake my head. Did I find those jokes funny when I was their age? I certainly don't now. And when they see a girl, they ogle and drool, making crude comments about their butts or their boobs. In the future, women will be born without heads; they'll just be baby factories, with boobs and butts and all the equipment to make children. Apparently, that's all these kids need. Now don't get me wrong, I like a nice body too, but I've learned to appreciate the whole picture, from head to toe as it were. A beautiful face, striking hair and eyes will turn my head just as easily as a great body.

I could go on forever, maybe I'll make this a 2 part rant, who knows? But if you're reading this, take a look around at the youth nowadays, tell me if you don't see what I see. Maybe I'm seeing things with biased blinders, but it is what I see. There are some genuine, intelligent, educated youths out there, I've talked to them, and enjoy their company immensely. But I fear that they are a small percentage of the population, and are being shut out by the pretty, the petty, the ignorant. Read a book will you? There are great things to glean from literature, and if nothing else, they are an escape from the monotony and stress of day to day life. Of course, I'm just writing here...

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Poetry Time 2

Until another rant forms in my brain, I'm going to share another poem with you all. Please leave comments, I'd like some criticism of some sort. Lets me know that making this blog page was worth the time. Oh well, here' s the poem, have fun...

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Poetry Time

Now I know my last blog was long winded and kinda negative (with a dash of humor, just to stir it up a bit), but sometimes you just gotta let loose, right? I am a writer, poet, and probably one of the last romantics in this world. So, just so nobody gets the idea that all my blogs are going to be negative or angry, here's a haiku for you to swirl around in your head for a while.

Dreambird

I still dream of you,A nightingale that whispers,Such sweet words of love.

A haiku is a traditional Japanese poem, comprising 3 lines, the first line containing 5 syllables, the second 7 syllables, and the last line 5 syllables again.

Friday, November 04, 2005

The Lonliness of Obesity

It's hard being a big man. People stare at you like you're a circus attraction, a freak of nature that some place accidently let loose on society. It gets harder and harder to fit in a theater or airplane seat, they seem to shrink every year(Hell, I don't even know how you skinny people get in those things sometimes). You got to pay extra for your clothes, and you can only get them at specialty stores (upping the price even more). Supposed cures for obesity exist, but are not for the average man to afford, and most of them don't work anyway. And of course there's lonliness, bitter, quiet nights at home type of lonliness.

Fat guys NEVER get the girl, EVER. The best a fat man can hope for from a girl, especially a highly attractive girl is the old 'I want us to be friends' lie. It's a lie, plain and simple. If you get fed that line, she will most likely never speak to you again, unless its absolutely necessary or completely unavoidable. Besides, she's not thinking about you, she's too busy wondering what her carbon copy, interchangable, jerk of a boyfriend is doing. I hear it all the time. Gorgeous girls, the kind you'd walk barefoot through broken glass just to bask in their glory, talking about how their boyfriends treat them like dirt, or don't care about them. They fight and they come looking for a shoulder to cry on, as if the whole world is comming to an end. And if they break up with their boyfriend, it's a near death catastrophe. They cry and bawl and get angy at everyone at work, reason with it, then come to acceptance, you know, the usual steps. And like sheep, they run back to their asshole boyfriends when they come back, pretending to be sorry. Then they're the happiest people in the world. And where are you, my fat friend? On the outside looking in, of course.

It doesn't matter how good a person you are. You could write poetry like Shakespeare, sing like Barry White, tell jokes better than Robin Williams; if you're fat, none of your talents or personality makes any difference whatsoever. All they see is the protruding gut, the giant posterior, and they can't stand the idea of being seen in public with something that looks like you. They want one of the carbon copy boys, they don't give a damn if they're smart, or funny, or anything, it's all about looks. Tell me if this doesn't sound familiar. If you have a boyfriend like this, maybe you should look inside yourself and try to find that slowly dying spark of individuality. Average height between 5'10" and 6'2", thin, but not skinny, a high school basketball build. Attire is generally a white t-shirt, blue jeans with wide black belt, white sneakers, and of course a ball cap. The ball cap is optional, but very common. If they have a tatoo, it's most likely a wreath of barbed wire around the bicep, or maybe a maple leaf or flag. Sound familiar? Of course it does.

Ladies, why do you stay with guys like that? It never made sense to me, still doesn't. If it's about sex, I'll get to that later. Sex is all well and good, but there is more to life, to relationships than sex, isn't there? Well, there used to be, now sex and love are often considered one and the same. You do realize after you broke up with that jerk, he appologized to get you back, so he could spread your legs again. After a while of being alone, if the guy doesn't feel like going and getting another girl, he waits until she's almost come about, then leaps back into her life. I've seen this drama unfold before my eyes more times than I care to count, and it makes me sick. All that could have been avoided if women could look deeper into a person than just the outer husk. Fat men are good men, well, most of them are anyway, and all they need is a chance, and they could very well be the best thing that ever happened in your life.

A few reasons why the fat man is a better choice:

1. Big men are engineered for cuddling: That's right, all that cushioning makes the big man your own personal, living, breathing, teddy bear. He'll keep you a whole lot warmer on those cold winter nights than your bony 'Brad Pitt' style boyfriend. If you like to snuggle, the big man is the better choice.

2. Appearances aren't everything: You want someone who will care for you right? Someone to make you laugh, someone to lend you a crying shoulder, someone who you can talk to? Big men are just as capable of all those things, as skinny people are. In fact, a good deal of large people I know are warm, funny, and highly intelligent, making conversation a delight. It's my experience, that most of these carbon copy boys think pretty much the same, if at all, more concerned with self gratification, and the latest trends, than anything you may have to say. If you like to talk to someone, the big man can be the better choice.

3. You'll never go hungry: Big men know how to cook, if they're worth their salt anyway. Many of them are great cooks, or have great taste in food. How did they get to where they are anyway? Most skinny people have only the cooking ability or taste of the closest pizza place. If you like good food, the big man could well be the better choice.

4. Think of the big man as your ultimate challenge: If you're so hollow you can't stand to be seen with such a big man, help him change. Most fat men don't want to be fat, but they need real inspiration to motivate them to lose weight. Guess what, that motivation is YOU! If you show genuine interest in him, he's not going to be snacking, he's going to be interested in you. Slowly, the pounds will drop off, he'll come around eventually. Take him for private, romantic strolls, never try to force him to go to a gym. Be patient, he's not going to go from tubby to Superman overnight. And at the very least, you can be proud of yourself for helping someone else get on the road to a healthy lifestyle. If you like challenges, the big man is the better choice.

5. Sex: Ok, remember how I said I'd get to sex earlier? Ok, here's the scoop. Nowadays, most guys, especially carbon copy boys, don't have the slightest inkling about foreplay. Hell, I'd take a leap to say most of them don't even know what it is. Now, do fat guys know something these shallow jerks don't? Have they memorized certain verses of the Karma Sutra? Do they quote the Book of Sex, word for word? Probably not. A big man, having rarely, if ever given the chance to please a woman, will work ten times harder to take care of her needs, if given the chance, of course. As far as foreplay goes, think about this: what do big men do well? Answer: eat. That's right, a big man is an expert eater, now imagine what he could do for you, if you let him. Imagine your body being licked slowly like soft serve icecream, all the tender places nibbled like gummy bears. And as far as oral goes, just think about removing the cream from an eclair or Twinkie. I rest my case. If you like foreplay, the big man could very well be the better choice.

Obviously, I'm not expecting beautiful girls to jump off the conformity bandwagon and go for those chubby, wonderful guys they know would be good for them, but couldn't bring themselves to be around. I just want you to take a look at that big guy you work with, the one who looks at you like you're the greatest thing since sliced bread, and try to see the man standing in the pile of marshmallow goo your media trained eyes always focus on. Talk to him, learn what really lies beneath the surface. You'd be surprised what's there, maybe something you actually like. Give him a chance, if it doesn't work, there's always a carbon copy boy waiting at the local club. Who knows, it could be the greatest thing in the world for you. Of course, I'm just writing here...

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Welcome, welcome, one and all!

Greeting! This is my first blog ever! Now, hold the applause, things will get a whole lot more interesting as time goes by. Updates will be as regular as I can make them, so check in often. If you're expecting a theme from this site, expect chaos instead. You've been warned...