So, I have introduced myself on the forum a week ago and have decided back then that after a weak from my fist post to start to write myself to freedom here on the forums.

And so, here I am.

So, I have decided to not start a blog yet but to rather make my first steps of sharing myself and my process here.

So, the point that I want to share about here today is something that brought great stability and an inner peace within me lately, and that was the realization (that came from listening to two interviews on YouTube called: "The Mathematics of Stickmen 1" and "The Mathematics of Stickmen 2") that how I see others and how others see me is always based on an interpretation and not based on facts of who we really are. That has supported me greatly to let go of the judgments that I held toward others and also to let go of the fear of how others might see or judge me. I have also then seen that I should rather focus on being present here within breath and be unconditional with my interaction with others and I have realized that I can only ever work with what is here and then see how I can transform what is here to what I know I would want for me and every one else involved. A thing that I have also seen and realized a while ago that everything that I participate in and do and accept and allow has a consequence and so within this I see that I would rather contribute with my actions to a consequence that isn't detrimental for me and for others but rather contributes to a better world for all.

So yes, this is the first few points I wanted to share about and hopefully there will bee many more posts to come.

So what I have realized some time ago is that the most important thing in doing something is your starting point and reason for doing it.

I have also realized that the best starting point to have is a starting point that is based on what is best for all life as I realize that any other starting point is always based on self interest and is always consequential and not what is best.

This point has been a point that I often loose sight of when doing something and is something that is not always clear within me and is sometimes compromised.

This I have seen in the past in the way that I have walked process, where I didn't want to see myself and my life as a failure and that to me meant that I have to read blogs and watch videos and listen to audio recordings and write self-forgiveness so that I and not a failure. And so my starting point for walking process was to maintain a certain self image of myself and not to do with what is best for all and to change myself to the best version of myself which I realize is the whole point of walking process.

And so this brings me to today and my starting point of writing today which I have seen isn't clear as have seen after waking up today, where I said to myself that today I have to write something and post it because I have made a commitment to myself to make a post every second day.

And I see now that this isn't aligned with my original starting point that I had when starting this thread which was having a way of sharing myself and so being able to be supported by others and perhaps be of support to someone else reading what I have written and this so this being aligned with the starting point that is best for all.

And also the point of writing every second day as a commitment that I made to myself was to support myself to develop consistency within witting again as I have neglected that for some time now because I don't write as much as I have in the past where I wrote almost every day.

So I have decided to do some correction on this points.

Here it goes:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to loose touch with my starting point of writing points out that I originally had which was that of sharing myself and with doing this be able to get support from others and perhaps someone finding support from my writings

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to loose touch with the original starting point of writing every second day which was that of supporting myself to reestablish the consistency of writing that I had in the past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel pressured to not break the commitment of writing every second day and so allow this commitment to become a burden within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow the commitment to write every second day to become a burden that I carry rather that a point of supporting myself to grow through consistent application of writing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I wouldn't find something to write about and so couldn't keep up with the commitment to write every second day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that if I am self-honest I will always find something to write about

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to not to be able to keep up with the standards I have set for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the only standard that is valid is doing what is best for all always and to also realize that to get to that point is going to be a process

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be harsh on myself and create pressure and stress within me because of this “writing every second day” standard that I have set for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my writings must be of a certain quality and to fear that others might judge me if what I write is poorly written

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that this fear is my creation which I then project into others and to not realize that I am always my own worst judge when it comes to what I do and so forgive myself that I judge myself according to what I do/speak/write/think

When and as I see that my starting point for doing things has become misaligned, I stop and I breathe. I realize that the best thing to do in such a case is to write it down and forgive it so that it doesn't become a burden within me and so I can then reestablish my original starting point

I commit myself to let go of any pressure within me when it comes to commitments that I have made to myself and the fear of not sticking to them

I commit myself to apply breathing to calm myself down if I start to feel any pressure or judgment within myself regarding writing things out

I've been there and done that thinking that some points are just not 'important' enough to share, but I redefined the point of 'sharing' not as in writing it 'for others' but being my own starting point of supporting me, to understand and open up even those things that I deemed before as 'menial' or 'unimportant' and this way, I've found it IS possible to find one point, one word, one experience, one memory, one situation or observation about oneself every day.

So, here I'd definitely say to you: go for it, don't fear to be judged because there is no other way to really develop self-honesty with Yourself other than writing and applying these tools, don't fear to 'make mistakes' because they are not 'wrong ways' but simply paths that we can test out and see what the outcomes are in applying them.

To me, letting go of this idea of 'not important enough, not relevant enough, too menial of a subject' is still something that I have to push through because of having placed certain 'standards' on my writings and yes! I realized I did this to myself and only now been testing how to let go of my own judgments and standards and instead pick one point a day for self-support, and see what comes up - this is also what it means to unconditionally write yourself, for yourself and 'sharing' it then becomes simply an extension of knowing that this writing is something that supports you, that assists you first and foremost - so the sharing is not 'for others' only, it is an outflow of giving that support for yourself first of all.

Last point, there are really no 'standards' here, we are the ones that decide to create them in our minds so one might as well also decide to let go of standards, morality as in 'right or wrong' and so any form of judgment. If a judgment emerges from you towards your writing, that's the moment to breathe, self forgive the judgment out loud and stick to the commitment to write yourself out.

What I have realized with the help of desteni and destonians in terms of purpose, is that I cannot find a purpose or be given a purpose from someone or something else but that I have to give it to myself.

And so the obvious purpose that I want to give myself is to create me and be part of creating a world that aligned with the principle of what is best for all because that would create the best me and the best world.

But the question is how to best manifest and live this purpose within my life and living.

And so I have decided to look at this from three different levels / perspectives, which are the personal, interpersonal and universal / global level.

So, lets first look at the personal.

So on a personal level of living the purpose that is best for all / me, I already do things that are aligned with this purpose. This being applying breathing, doing self forgiveness aloud when a reaction comes up and in writing if I cannot resolve it fully otherwise and then also sticking with the self correction which is not always that easy for some points and I see that I could be doing this a lot more than I am doing it currently and that I am not yet committed to it to the extent that I see I could be despite of seeing the benefits of doing it and the consequence of not doing it. So this is something that I have and am going to continue to work on in terms of living according to the purpose I have given myself.

So now, the interpersonal.

So this is my relationship with the people in my life which since I have been to an extent living according to this purpose has been slowly but surely improving as I have realized to what extent who I am toward others affects them and so I have been more careful when I am reacting toward someone to not speak out of reaction but to let it go and forgive myself for it and to also not to take it personally if someone speaks out of relation and in judgment toward me as I have realized that a reaction is always based on oneself and the source is never someone or something else and my relationship with the people in my life I also not perfect yet and is still something that I am working on so as to live according to the purpose of what is best for all.

And then finally the universal / global level.

Living this purpose in the universal / global level I see that I can do and have been doing through a form of activism which is sharing about the problems we are facing in the world and promoting solutions for the problems in the world through the Internet and connecting with people and groups that want to contribute to creating a better world for all. I have also considered becoming active on a political level but unfortunately because of my mental condition I don't really see myself as being able to do that effectively.

So, thats it for the point of “purpose” and I will consider what Marlen has shared in her post before this one and from now on see if I can find a point each day to write about and let go of the standards I have created for myself in regards of my writings. So, thanks again for the support Marlen.

Today I want to look at the point entertainment which is a point that I participated in for very long and still do to a degree but I started to realize the pointlessness and consequential nature of it.

So I remember a point of entertainment that was very prominent within me was listening to music on my phone which I did many times for at least three hours a day and while listening to music being in my mind thinking and projecting. This got to a point where I would it got very hard to get the music out of my head after stopping to listen to it as it was automatically playing in my head and often I would react to the music playing in my head and then because of the music not stopping the reactions would accumulate and sometimes I would get possessed because of that. So I stopped listening to music a while ago after doing a couple of one month challenges of not listening to music and eventually I stopped this pattern I conditioned myself into but I am still prone to automatically playing music in my mind if I hear a song or melody and now rarely deliberately listen to music.

Then there are movies and series. I particularly liked war movies and series, basically those that have a lot of violence in them but I got to a point of realizing that things like violence and conflict and war are reality not that nice nor in any way acceptable and that it is not ok to find violence entertaining as it only promotes abuse and conditions one to accept violence in this world and so I basically stopped watching movies and most of movies mostly follow a same or similar pattern so that also led to me loosing my appeal to movies.

Then there are games. My favorite type of games are RPGs (role playing games) but I found that what I achieve in these games is just an illusion and what I get from them is just some fake idea about achieving greatness with the character I am playing as so I lost quite a bit of my interest in them and now I rarely play any games.

And then there is twitch.tv which is a site where people stream games live and that is the form of entertainment that I participated the most in the past couple of years but have reduced it significantly because I see that all I really do is look at a screen and there are certain things going on visually and there are certain sounds but in reality i am just sitting and looking at a screen and listening to sounds and that stimulates something within the same with movies and games and music it just exists as a point of stimuli that I have accepted and allowed to get stimulated with within me and it only serves to appease the mind and has no real benefit for me or anyone else.

And if I really look at what happens while I am entertained, there are people dying of starvation and war in this world and people living in horrendous condition while I am being entertained and that begs the question of what am I really contributing to with what I am doing in terms of my actions and inactions and acceptances and allowances and is it really worth spending time with all these forms of entertainment while condition of the world and the condition of more and more peoples lives gets worse and worse.

So I made a step about two months ago and deleted about 600 GB of music, movies, TV series and games that I have accumulated over the years as I see that there are a lot more supportive things that I can do rather than spending time with entertainment and that I should rather condition myself through time to do these things like breathing, writing, doing self-forgiveness, reading blogs, watching videos ans listening to audio recordings for self support.

So yes, I commit myself to rather so things that benefit me and everyone else and not things that contribute to the compromise and destruction and diminishing of myself and this world.

I am wanting to make a commitment to restructure my day and make more use of the time that I have.

I have made such commitments a few times before but have failed to fulfill them fully and also failed to stick to them and eventually made the decision to let them go.

They also felt like a burden oftentimes because I overdone the scope of the commitments that I wanted to make during a day.

And I am now looking at slowly but surely and step by step start this process of committing myself to improve and grow and start with smaller commitments and work my self up in the amount of commitments that I make for myself during a day and slowly but surely create more supportive living patterns with this commitments.

And I am basically looking at how I can spend my time and with what and I want to be more selective with what information I am taking in and take in information that will contribute to my growth and development as life rather that taking in information that has no relevance to my improvement and the improvement of life on earth and only contributes to the determent of me and of life.

So the patterns that doesn't serve me and that I have lived out in the past to quite a big extent I over time slowly but surely stopped like for instance listening to music and watching movies and series which I stopped almost completely, watching TV i stopped already a few years ago. What I still do a couple of times during the day is watching streams on twitch.tv and a some videos on YouTube and I will commit myself to more and more let go of doing that also.

So what I see I can do and that I see that will be beneficial to me and that I can commit myself to is to first of all focus on breathing more and let go of thoughts as they cause a experience of contamination within me and my self experience because of the emotional reactions they cause and to do self forgiveness immediately and aloud if possible on the points that come up within me. Then to listen to the interviews I have on my phone of Bernard and other destonians which I have more than a hundred of and to listen to a total of at least one hour a day as I did many times in the past. Another thing that I can do is to read blogs more often which is something that I have been neglecting lately and I think that I could easily manage to read at least five blogs a day as a start.

So yes, these are the commitments that I make for myself from now on and I will see how it goes and how I can grow from them and I also of course commit myself to continue posting in this thread and sharing my process with you all.

So, I still sometimes fall for the trap of feeding the mind with things that stimulate a certain experience within me like various points of entertainment and I want to do some forgiveness and correction for them.

So here it goes:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feed the mind with desires and thinking about how stimulating it was when I was entertaining myself with various material

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feed the mind things that stimulate a certain experience within my mind ans so feed the mind energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stimulated by certain music that gives me a experience and feeling of being chilled out and relaxed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stimulated by music that I define as epic and that gives me a thrilling experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give value and pursue listening to music as points of stimulus because of giving value and being in a way addicted to the experience it gives me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give music power over me and allow myself to be affected and stimulated mentally by it and to sometimes fall for that thought and desire of listening to music because of the mental stimulus

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to music despite of the consequences of the music oftentimes getting stuck in my mind and repeating itself in my mind and causing reactions within me and that creating as unpleasant and reactive self experience within myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for trailers for movies and when I see a trailer for a movie that I define as epic to get an experience of hype within me and a desire to see that movie because of what that trailer stimulated within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with feeling exited when I see an expansion for a game or a new game coming out that I like

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend time watching gaming streams on a specific site because I get stimulated by the experience of watching other people playing specific games

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my mind such power over me and to feed it despite time after time seeing that it never really serves me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feed the mind with energy that I get from these things that stimulate a certain experience within me and to not realize that that is not in any way beneficial to me as it only serves the mind and not me as a being and me reaching my utmost potential

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not yet fully realize that all these points of entertainment are preprogrammed and I need to take them out as they are of no real benefit to me as life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give value to energetic experiences of the mind and to not see that they have no real value as they are only illusions and don't serve me to become the best version of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to nurture the mind instead of me as a living being

When and as I see that a thought or desire comes up to stimulate my mind with various material, I stop and I breathe. I realize that there is no point of following it as it leads to nowhere worthwhile going as I have been there and seen that it is not worth going there

I commit myself to let go of desires to stimulate myself with entertainment and to rather focus on being here within breath and to do things that support me within my process

I commit myself to realize that: “what you nurture will grow” and to with this realization nurture the tings that really serve me and what is best for all life