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At the media's insistence, we've officially entered the 2012 presidential season -- mainly because the media would rather not report on the issues that actually affect people's lives, such as Charlie Sheen tweets. So we might as well join in by reviewing the GOP hopefuls before they become dried carcasses strewn across the Iowa landscape. ("Careful not to step in that! It's a rotting Newt.") We will forgo comment on the probable Democratic nominee, beyond pointing out that the term "three's a crowd" can also refer to wars.

At a time when federal budgets are so bad that the U.S. Senate chambers are being rented out for weddings (and the House clears out on Saturdays for a flea market), Americans are hopeful that presidential aspirants will bring bold and fresh ideas to carry our nation into the future.

Okay, forget that. But how about bold ideas from the past? Would that be okay?

We say this after learning of the surprising return of the Religious Right, a life form that most of us thought was weakened, if not in smelly decay. ("Don't step in that! It's a Haggard.") But apparently it's back. When did this happen? I thought fundamentalists had put down their flag hats and gone back to looking for ancient fragments from God’s Literal Week-At-A-Glance calendar. ("Day Four: Let there be lights in the firmament of heaven; pick up dry cleaning; call Mom.")

After all, Jerry Falwell has gone to his eternal rest -- and perhaps a good celestial talking to -- and the Christian Coalition hung its self-righteousness back in the closet, leaving former director Ralph Reed to the pitiable life of a highly paid political consultant whose only connection to Christianity is a Pat Boone haircut.

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