Imagine a kid whose ice cream cone just fell to the ground. Ah, the humanity. But Fox Searchlight security committed that dastardly deed, snatching some 250 phones from attendees at a Tribeca Film Festival screening of the Russian film, Nochnoy Dozor (Night Watch, for those of you rusty on your Slavic languages). Seems the studio is so worried about piracy - and the possibility of illicit pictures being taken of the screen - they're willing to take oxygen away from those accustomed to breathing very rarified air. Homeland Security should be this good.

From what I hear, some of the festival's staffers were similarly unpleasant. According to my mole, a former National Board of Review member and event volunteer, the show is run mostly by snotty 18- to 30-year-olds who treat older organizers with little respect. Even some stars were handled like extras on a Cecil B. DeMille set. (Not that these kids would know who that is.)

One theater manager reportedly called out the cavalry to give Jerry Seinfeld himself the heave-ho. I also understand that Paul Reiser and Peter Falk were talked down to like Condi Rice lecturing a writer from The Nation. What's going on around here? You gonna give Columbo a bad time because you're going to NYU Film School and think you know something? Try this in Hollywood, you little brats, and an agent at CAA will have you sweeping up at the local cineplex.

"The kids are power mad," my source tells me. Uh huh. I know the type. WanNothing sadder than a film exec separated from his cell phone.nabe Tarantinos and Bruckheimers without the talent. Or the movie-star good looks and velvet-smooth voice. (Wait a second...I'm thinking of Robert Mitchum. Think he would put up with a sniffling Columbia psych grad telling him where to sit? Don't think so.)

Adds the mole, "They bullied everyone to the point where almost all of [the old-schoolers] quit."

Hmmm...bullying people around, condescending language, duress resignations... Sounds like some people I know. Let me rethink this. Indeed, I think these kids may have a future in Hollywood. As personal publicists. Some of the nicest actors in Tinseltown like to hire nasty pit bulls to do their bidding. Good cop, bad cop thing. Trouble is, the actor still gets to smell like a rose, while the publicist is the one left to give off the stench.

Lawrence Mitchell Garrison is an LA-based freelance publicist and writer