Dori Smith and Tom Negrino's thoughts about technology, politics, and culture since 1999

2005 Oscars

And that’s it for this year’s Oscar blogging. The women mostly looked gorgeous, the men mostly looked like they worked at a bank, the speeches were short, and the host didn’t offend anyone except Sean Penn. That’s about as good as it gets. See you next year!

That may have been one of the shortest Oscar telecasts in history. Not only did it end before midnight Eastern, it ended waaaay before midnight eastern. Ending with a suckup to the Academy to come back next year wasn’t terribly classy, but overall, I think that Chris Rock did a great job, and much better than a lot of other first-timers did.

Best Picture: Million Dollar Baby, making Clint a very happy guy. I guess I cursed The Aviator when I talked about it sweeping earlier, because it hasn’t won one since.

Dustin Hoffman and Barbra Streisand. I don’t know what they’ll say, but I’m sure it’ll be embarrassing. They’re doing the best picture award.

Best Director: Clint Eastwood for Million Dollar Baby. I hear the film is good, but I still think that awards like this are given because every actor really wants to direct. Wow — Mom’s in the audience at 96. I guess we’ll (yay!) have Clint around for a few years yet.

Julia Roberts comes out to give the best director award. How long ago did she have the twins? That’s just unfair. I still haven’t lost my baby weight yet, and it’s been almost 17 years.

Best Actor: Jamie Foxx for Ray. Terrific speech. Unlike last year, it’s been interesting this year how the awards have been spread out over a larger group of movies.

Charlize Theron, looking stunning as always, although maybe a little too Gone With The Wind, gives the best actor award.

There’s only three awards left. Are we actually, for the first time ever, going to end early? Man, I probably could have won some serious $$$ in Vegas betting on that. Oh, it looks like they’re going to fill up the time with commercials to make sure it doesn’t happen.

Best Original Screenplay: Charlie Kaufman for Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. That was a surprise; I was betting on Hotel Rwanda. They’ve got to give it at least one.

Samuel L. Jackson’s not wearing a tux, but he’s cool enough that he doesn’t have to. So there. He’s giving the award for best original screenplay.

Best Foreign Language Film: The Sea Inside, Spain.

Gwyneth Paltrow: good hair, good dress. Some years she makes it look effortless. What pisses me off is that, if genetics count for anything, she’s still going to be gorgeous 30 years from now. She’s giving the best foreign film award.

Best Actress: Hilary Swank for Million Dollar Baby. My guess: it’s just so she can remember to thank her husband this time. And once again, she’s wearing a dress that emphasizes that she’s a beautiful female, because her roles downplay it. But on closer look, I have to say that I’m not that impressed with the dress. Tom thinks she’s got it on backwards.

Sean Penn: no tie. Sheesh. And no sense of humor, either. Seriously, Sean, you don’t have to defend Jude Law. Working as much as he does is its own reward. He’s giving the award for best actress.

Best Song:â€ “Al Otro Lado Del Rio (To the Other Side of the River)” from The Motorcycle Diaries: Jorge Drexler. Drexler sings just to show the Academy what they missed.

“Academy award winner Prince”? Just the sound of that scares me, almost as badly as the pink snakeskin pants I’ve been told he’s wearing. He gives the award for the best song. Tom thinks he looks “oddly androgynous,” I think that he looks less so than Annie Lennox did last year.

Sean (Puffy/P Diddy) Combs comes out to give an award. Why him? He introduces the best song nomination for The Polar Express. What, Beyoncé again? Who did she sleep with? She’s better dressed here than her last two tries, but I’m still hoping this is the last we see of her.

Has Annette Benning ever looked anything other than elegant and beautiful? Her hair looks terrible, but she still manages to somehow look amazing introducing the clips of those who passed away in 2004. Yo-Yo Ma? Good choice.

We seem to have reached a lull in the show, so feel free to pay a quick visit over to The Vidiots, who are also liveblogging the show. This would be a lot easier if I had an entire staff to do it, too.

John Travolta, wearing a suit, gives the award for best original score.

Chris: “Next year, they’re going to give out Oscars in the parking lot.”

Best Documentary Short Subject: Mighty Times: The Children’s March.

Natalie Portman, not yet wearing her cinnamon buns, gives the award for best documentary short subject. I’m not sure I like the dress, but I admire someone trying something a little different.

Salma introduces another best song nominee. Even if we have to have interpretive dance numbers again, I say we should just have a medley of all of them and get it over with. Antonio, as a singer, you’re an actor.

Best Sound Editing: The Incredibles.

I take back any compliments I’ve made about Penelope’s dress. Butt bows automatically disqualify you from looking good. Now they’re giving the award for best sound editing.

Best Sound Mixing: Ray. That was my pick for this award, which means that The Aviator doesn’t sweep ’em all.

Chris Rock introduces Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz as “the next four presenters.” Sheesh. Although it’s not like we’ve never made remarks like that before. They’re giving the award for best sound mixing.

So far, The Aviator is sweeping. Will. It. Go. All. The. Way??

Best Cinematography: The Aviator. Huh. I thought that The Passion actually had a chance at this one. Note to the Academy: following a guy’s heart-felt tribute to his desperately ill mother with the theme from The Terminator is, well, unfortunate.

Kate Winslet: four nominations, no wins, nice dress (it’s nice to see some color for a change), giving the award for best cinematography.

Best Animated Short: Ryan.

Laura Linney could look much better than she does night. Bad hair, bad makeup, so-so dress. She’s giving the award for best animated short.

Best Live Action Short: Wasp. Best quote of the night, “I think this is the dog’s bollocks.”

“Comedy superstar Jeremy Irons?” And what on earth is he wearing??? He’s giving the award for best live action short, but we’re too busy arguing the pros and cons of his outfit.

Emmy Rossum, of the widely-panned The Phantom of the Opera, announces Beyoncé (again) singing. Better outfit, but who on earth thought all that fake jewelry made sense?

Al Pacino comes out looking like a shlump to give the lifetime achievement award to Sidney Lumet. If he can’t wear a tux, at least he could have shaved or brushed his hair. Nice clips; I hadn’t realized that he’d been behind so many great movies. Lumet gets a standing ovation; I’m a big fan of giving these awards and tributes to people while they’re still alive and around to appreciate them.

Fifty minutes in, the president of the Academy finally deigns to show up. Whatever happened to the president opening the show?

Best Visual Effects: Spider-Man 2. Hey, another film we saw!

Jake Gyllenhaal and some unknown Chinese woman [later note: Mark tells me it was Ziyi Zhang, star of many films, one of which I’ve actually seen (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon)] give the award for best visual effects.

Best Adapted Screenplay: Alexander Payne and Jim Taylor for Sideways. It’s probably just the Academy throwing them a bone, but as people living in the Wine Country, we have to say, “Yeah!”

Adam Sandler and Catherine Zeta-Jones? There’s an odd couple. Except she doesn’t show up, not that I blame her. I’d skip having anything to do with Adam Sandler, too. The chit-chat between Adam Sandler and Chris Rock makes it clear it was a setup. Snore. Sandler gives the award for best adapted screenplay.

Why are there so many empty seats in the balconies? Do seat-fillers only work the floor? Did that many people not show up, or did everyone use the song as an excuse to take a bathroom break?

Mike Meyers looks like a shlump and introduces Counting Crows, who then make him look like Pierce Brosnan. White guys should never wear dreads. Just don’t do it.

Best Film Editing: The Aviator. Martin Scorsese starts to look weepy.

Tom likes Kiersten Dunst better as a redhead. I remind him that he likes all women better as redheads. We disagree whether or not Orlando Bloom is wearing a bow tie; Tom says he isn’t, I say he is but has it tucked under his collar. They’re giving the award for best editing.

Best Documentary Feature: Born Into Brothels. It usually goes to the most socially important film (when there isn’t one about the Holocaust), and this year is no different.

Leonardo DiCaprio is giving the award for best documentary feature, wearing a suit. The usual scoffing ensues.

A tribute to Johnny Carson hosting the Oscars, and rightfully so. Now there was a man who knew how to wear a tux properly.

Best Supporting Actress: Cate Blanchett for The Aviator. Still looking stunning.

Tim Robbins gets scoffed at for his politics, and laughs it off. Good for him, considering he’s wearing a peace sign tietack. He gives the best actress award.

Best Costume Design: The Aviator.

Bond music starts playing, so I start hoping for Sean Connery. It’s actually Pierce Brosnan, but he’s wearing a tuxedo, so that works for me. All the nominees for best costume design are up on stage, and Pierce gives the award with Edna Mole. Is Brad Bird doing the voice? I hope so.

Scarlett Johannson looks better than anyone has a right to. She gave the SciTech awards, and the winners were probably happy to just get a chance to spend two minutes around her.

We both like Drew Barrymore better as a blond, but that dress is as good as it gets. I’m not going to have much to snark about if all the women keep looking this good. Beyoncé immediately relieves me of that problem; since when is a short dress appropriate? Bzzzz. She also loses points for the horrible green eye shadow. (Tom: “It makes her look moldy around the edges.”)

Best Makeup:â€ Lemony Snicket.

Cate Blanchett’s giving an award from the audience. I’m not sure I like this whole in the audience thing. But damn, she looks gorgeous. This way, I guess, they can show everyone nominated, without having to bring anyone up on stage.

Best Animated Film:â€ The Incredibles. Yay! Brad Bird is wearing an Incredibles lapel pin. That is so geeky. As if thanking Steve Jobs isn’t.

Robin Williams is giving the best animated film award. Tom says that he was supposed to sing, but that that got cut yesterday. Drat! We’re rooting forâ€ The Incredibles, and not just because it’s one of the few films we’ve seen.

Tom and I both want to know why they used the theme from Star Trek as outro music? According to this page, it’s because at some point in the past, one of the Star Treks (#1 or #4?) won Best Score.

Best Supporting Actor:â€ Morgan Freeman for Million Dollar Baby. I’m guessing that it’s an overall-career award, something the Academy loves to do.

Renee Zellweger: love the dress, hate the hair. How on earth do you walk in a dress cut like that? She’s giving the award for Best Supporting Actor. What movie is she currently working on where she needs to be a brunette?

Art direction: The Aviator. Since when do they bring up all the nominees? From what I hear, there’s going to be a lot of things done differently this year.

Halle Berry: gorgeous dress. But since when do they do art direction first?

Initial bad move: Chris Rock, for not wearing a tux. As I said, if it’s not a bow-tie, it’s not a tux. Opening monologue: good job, and much better than some of the ones I’ve seen in the past from first-time hosts. He got the mandatory Bush-bashing in, but with good humor, and he ended just when it started to get a little long.

I’m running a couple of minutes behind, but feel free to ping me if you want to chat about the awards.

Early note: looking at the previews of the dresses, it looks like the women all (or mostly) had great taste this year. The guys have mostly broken rule #1 (“I don’t care if you call it a tie, an ascot, or a cravat: it doesn’t work with a tuxedo. Wear a bow-tie with that tux, or I’ll scoff at you”) and will be laughed at in turn.

12 Responses

I am watching the Oscars, I know, I know but I have nothing better to do, and they just played the Theme from Star Trek as they went to commercial. And for no good reason. Cool beans. UPDATE: zinister solves

The host offended more than Sean Penn, because he dared criticize Our Glorious Leader. See, for example, PowerLine, Time’s “blog of the year” that is so in touch, they have never heard of Chris Rock.
You really just can’t make that stuff up. PowerLine links appreciatively to Roger Simon, who hates Rock (and his “black thang” and thinks he bombed) and loves Beyonce.
Simon was nominated for best adapted screenplay in 1989 for Enemies: A Love Story, the tale of Ahmed Chalabi and Doug Feith.

Okay, change “didn’t offend anyone” to “didn’t offend anyone whose opinion I might actually give the slightest crap about.” When people look to be offended, well, that’s their problem, not mine. Should I be offended because Rock implied that Kerry only married Theresa for her money?

I wanna know why the chick who starred and SANG in Phantom of the Opera had to intro Beyonce singing her song? And why the hell Beyonce? Wasn’t it enough to sing with the French kids? AND what was with the 190 pounds of rocks she was wearing???

Some unknown Chinese woman Dori?!?
I’ll give you a 15 minute head start before I hunt you down for crimes against cinema, that’s Ziyi Zhang. Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, Hero, 2046, House of Flying Daggers…and errrmmm…Rush Hour 2.
RH2 aside, she has the lead in Memoirs of a Geisha, which means she’ll probably be nominated for an Oscar in 06.
Some unknown chinese woman…bah! ;p

Carolyn:
Emmy Rossum introduced it, but Minnie Driver sang it in the film. Driver wanted to sing it again but Bill Conti refused.
I bet Burt Bacharach would have let her if he was the musical director this time around.

Okay, I’ve updated the post to give both you and her full credit. Hey, I’ve only seen one of her movies; given my usual track record at Oscars, it’s amazing to me that I was able to name as many stars as I did.
Carolyn, if I was running the show, it would have been simple: Minnie Driver would have sung “Learn to Be Lonely,” Vanessa Paradis (Johnny Depp’s girlfriend, the French pop singer) would have sung “Look to Your Path (Vois Sur Ton Chemin),” and Jorge Drexler would have sung “Al Otro Lado Del Rio.” But that would have all made sense, wouldn’t it? Or at least it would have meant no Beyoncé.

Cool.
While you’re at it, and I’ve blogged the answer as it’s an interesting question, your source has the reason the Star Trek theme was played at the Oscar’s wrong.
It has nothing to do with those pieces being nominated, since only winning counts. So, why would Conti bother with using themes from a very *specific* bunch of people at regular points throughout the broadcast.
Here’s a huge hint, the composers were all Oscar winners, and the exact same thing happened to all of them over the past twelve months. -cough-

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