My Scripture for today is: Proverbs 18:24 “A man who has friends must himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother”

Why is (a good) friendship better than therapy? Because you have to pay the therapist (to listen to you) a friend does it for free. A friend loves you even when your words are not happy, Holy, wholesome or even “Politically or rationally correct”

A friend will hear your worst fears, pain, sorrow, hateful feelings, anger, rage, and all your “dark night of the soul” stuff without passing Judgement. I know the best friend to talk to is Jesus but since we cannot see him the next best thing is a friend who has allowed HIS very heart to develop within their soul realm.

When we listen to friends we should learn to listen with our heart, asking God’s light to be there with us. When a friend is in pain, it’s not a great time to jump to conclusions about them or offer little platitudes, unkind remarks, or make them feel stupid because WE never experienced that type of pain.

Developing empathy takes time. Christians, please remember that Literally thousands of things were said that are not in our bibles. The early Christians had no scripture to quote. therefore, we know a whole lot more was said than what is in the pages before us.

I ask myself questions such as “If Jesus’ Had compassion they hadn’t eaten for three days while listening to him preach, what other things did he have compassion about?

It’s wonderful to say the right things in the face of evil and pain, and to have the continual goal of staying positive, however, there are times people just need a Friend (to listen) And the compassionate listeners in your life are those unsung heroes who are often the wind beneath our wings.

I think deep down- most men think being too spiritual is woman stuff and not for them.

Pastors? They can do it and it’s acceptable for them. The rest feel left out- for the most part, and Maybe a little bit lost as to what role they have in the spirit-realm.

THE WHOLE PROBLEM IS that women Mostly are taught from the time they are born we are helpers to men, they are not taught they are helpers to us.

They are to protect, defend, even die for us. it all starts very young for them “be a man” “man up” …..Women are taught to be the helpers- men are taught to be strong or if they don’t feel strong they had better look like they are. Meltdowns and crying are for women only. Men are not

supposed to cry or feel weak or feel defenseless.

Society as a whole calls them wimps or woosies if they do that.

So-they lash out instead. (in most cases) or get grumpy. In Most cases it’s because deep inside they are hurting about something. but by looking at them, you’d never know it. they are trying to be brave for us.

Their hurt (anger and pain) “leaks out” sometimes in the craziest ways. Weeping at the Altar praying to be more loving and kind is hard for most men (as far as I can see).

They are torn between being a man of God, and feeling like men.

I think they fear failing us, and in their own hearts and minds don’t really know what to do. No wonder King David was so special to God. He had cultivated his prayer life out there when he was among the sheep. He didn’t have to prove anything……

(to other men) Until that day he faced Goliath. by the time he did that he had learned to do things God’s way.

Oh Father, help our men. In Jesus’ name we pray! Give them Soul Healing. Give them revival! Give them what they need! (Soul Healing and an understanding of who they are in you Lord!) Amen

We say we want personal but it makes us afraid, sometimes. So we choose impersonal. And we don’t like that either.

Humans are funny creatures (sometimes).

We want to be more personal- but if it gets too personal, we don’t want that either. I remember when I first got with my husband, he was one of these “everything in the light” and “do everything together” sort of people.It’s not that I wanted to be secretive, but I had years of being alone, and doing things on my own. Having him watch me chop vegetables, his wanting to be in the room while I dressed, put on make up, use deoderant, (and so on) was just flat uncomfortable for me.

He seemed to be of the opinion, that people who don’t like that are “sneaky” somehow, or we have something to hide. (Not so, not all the time!) I remember saying to him “I don’t like to live in a fishbowl!” He got all funny on me ‘Well I just like to be with you” He said.

Oh the task of having to explain “I don’t like” to be with someone all the time! Did you know some people really do like to be around people ALL the time?

(And others do not??) and for those who don’t, those who do can make us feel crowded, suffocated even, without even meaning to. When we say “I need my space” it sounds harsh (even to our own ears) at times, especially to a person who likes “a lot of together time.”

Intimate settings for some (in church) is not good for them. Praying together for one person can be comforting, for another it causes trauma. We need to be patient. Give them space, and not say “What’s wrong with you?”

Since we don’t know the history of the person we are getting to know, We may step on their toes, and not have any idea we did it. Communication is so important in these areas! I do recall my boss (who communicated) saying “Laura’ What is WRONG? (and she took me aside). How wonderful to have a person to just say “Is something wrong?” “How can I help?”

Because she genuinely cared, and was not judgmental in her tone, as in “What’s WRONG WITH YOU?” I was able to communicate my feelings to her. This is the type of person I aspire to be. Not unapproachable, scary, and fearing intimate conversations with people. But it will take some overcoming, and discomfort. Day after day…….

In the case of my husband & me, I said “Look I need some space,” and it’s nothing against you personally, it’s just ‘how I’m wired”. Not yelling at him “I NEED MY SPACE!!” Why can’t you see that?” LOL

Communication is SO important. To a person who isn’t good at it maybe just say “can we communicate? Will you please listen to me?”

Have you ever had anyone come on your FB wall and argue, and argue, and argue (Until you finally have to delete them?) Because if you don’t, the message you are trying to get across is lost in a sea of debate? It reminds me of when we were kids, and played “king of the hill.” Whoever could push you off your stance on the mount “became King!” …..

Control: To direct a person or animal to behave a certain way. To have power over something. Authority: the power to or right to make decisions, or direct (It is given)

See the difference? One is given. One is assumed. Stephen had authority given by God to speak. A mob of controllers silenced him because they were cut to the heart (conviction). Acts 7:54-59

What is it? If you’ve spent any time on the internet, You’ve probably experienced control. It’s the counterfeit of Authority. Jesus spoke as “one who had authority” He did not argue with people, or try to talk over top of them.

He didn’t whine about how intolerant people are. He found those who wanted to listen.

If you notice, Jesus didn’t talk about “his rights’ His Authority came from the Father in Heaven. He walked in it by simply “going about his Father’s business.” (Luke 2:49).

His Authority was questioned in Matthew 21. (by the Pharisees). He wisely refused to answer them. He knew their tricks.

Control starts with fear. Not fear like Fear of snakes or bugs, but fear of conviction or being exposed. Sometimes fear of not beng “in power or in control (of that which they wish to control!) Fear of hearing the truth..(and having to make adjustments).

It was control (in a mob mentality) that made them stone Stephen to deathActs 7:54-59.

Controlling people will often accuse you of being controlling. Here is the difference. You have authority over your house, your face book, your car, your “twitter account” and before all that, your mind, your will and your emotions. God gave you freedom (from the evil one) when he sent Jesus to the cross.

He spoiled all those powers and triumphed over them, “making a show of them” openly. (Col 2:15).

People may have different things they want control of (and to put a lid on things) but the motive is always the same. “I am in control.” Ever heard that expression,” I”ve got it all under control?” Yes, you have! You may have even said it! Controlling people will talk over the top of you, not let you get a word in edgewise, and will use all sorts of tactics to “shut you up.” Why? Because they don’t wish to hear you. If you put them in their place, they will often call you: “conrolling!”

I pray Father in Jesus’ name as I consider and reveal about control (and where it comes from) you will help us all learn YOUR ways and not man’s ways about how to deal with this. I pray this Father “LET THERE BE LIGHT” In all areas of our souls, hearts, and minds that comes only from you Dear Father!”

In Jesus’ name “deliver us” from the evil one, cause us to escape his lies, which have been growing like weeds since that day he entered this earth. In Jesus’ name. (amen)

-stay tuned for part 2. Laura Grace Author, speaker, minister of the gospel of Jesus Christ

I’m going to write this before I change my mind! I felt the Lord tugging at my heart to share about relationships a number of times….and I knew it would mean confessing mistakes I have made……….

So Years ago my husband tells me “his ex” used to buy a lot of food and not use it. I heard that, made a note of it, and make every attempt Not to be that way. Years go by, one day he notices I threw something out without using it and makes a comment “Did that go bad already, we didn’t even use it?” ….

Instantly (because I’m tired and had a hard day) I assume he is saying I’m like his ex. “That fast!” Hair trigger moment. “I’ve been busy!!” I snap- (and start listing what I had to do all day BECAUSE I assume he needs to know (because he doesn’t keep track of all my jobs, only what food is being tossed out!) “Okay Okay” He said it was just an observation I wasn’t attacking you!” (and looks all disgusted like I am a hila monster on fire!) I react to THAT next it goes into my mind “Gee wiz can’t I have a bad day?”

Now I’m bent! (and don’t even know why!) And see, all this happened so fast it’s like- “100 miles an hour” and the next thing you know, two people that were supposed to be relaxing in the harbor of their home are thinking “good grief, what’s wrong with YOU?”“NO, what’s wrong with you?” …….

Now, it’s been worse (in times past). I thought he should water flowers at this one place we lived (as I was tired, had done it all the time, and they needed watering. He decided to make “gardeners’ last stand” and say he didn’t want flowers in the first place! I was all indignant, he got a list of all the stuff I didn’t want to do that I did…….and that’s why he should do it when I ask with no back talk! (Yeah I know, WOW) …but the thing is….

You can be a praying person, full of the spirit. LOVE GOD and love others- and STILL wind up like this! One is from being too tired, or not taking the time to just count to 10, think about what you are going to say next…….in this case, he has the right to say “I am not into flowers” and I have the right to say “I am not” Into whatever it is he wants me to do (change the oil maybe?) 😄

But the other thing we have to watch out for is this: “assumptions’ like how I assumed he was comparing me to his ex? (Lickety split, it just happened) If we say well “sorry” and don’t pray on our ways….. we keep messing up (over and over again) Destroying the relationship we so cherished. If we say “Okay God, I need help with this JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS Problem” then …….

The bible says “confess your faults’ and pray (for one another) AND you’ll be healed! It doesn’t say “point out their faults and assume it’s all them because hey YOU are the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus!” (and you can never be wrong? oh oh! )………

I know this is a long post. Maybe YOU are never like this but, we all have our flaws.🙂 (weak areas?) …..and it’s the little things sometimes. I hope my confession (one of many days I was OFF In my thinking for one reason or another) Will help you Remember to ASK “What did you mean by that?” When dealing with someone stop! ASK “What are you saying, can you clarify?” ….

Pretend you HAVE To be professional! It’s too easy to take someone we love for granted, & think things like “You should know me by now” (another assumption)

Helps you see yes ….we are all human! But let’s try to do better! And here’s the thing DO things in such a way you actually like yourself! There’s a story Jesus told, the master took a long time returning and this person began to “beat the servants” 😯and how much trouble he got in when the master came home! Let’s not be doing things wrong just because we think nobody sees us….

God sees everything! He is your Father! and he’s watching you! every day! Well I hope this helped someone ..

WIth Love And a prayer: “Father anyone out there who is just struggling with feeling things are unfair, hopeless, impossible! I Pray that You would help that person start with themselves! And learn to learn of you Father! NO matter what! In Jesus’ name help us all remember two wrongs do not make things right. Help us not to give up on our own integrity just becuase we’re having a bad day. Helpl us Father to love ourselves enough to get some rest or take a time out …….In Jesus’ name we pray.amen