What are you doing a week later after the greatest single hash event in the history of hashing? You are still recovering on the couch apparently as we only had a measly twenty tried and true come out for trail. We were at Callaghan's in University City. So not even the thought of meandering through the number one party school in America was able to bring out the BFM mass. Sure, another six managed to meander their way in after trail was over but we were definitely feeling the after effects of one hell of a memorable night. But even with that the best of that showed included:Two In The Sink None In The Pink, Just Dave (Jesus), Just Beth, Gag Reflex, Just Randi, Just Hannah, Groundhog Lay, CMen++, Just John, Can You Hear Me Now, Just Martin, Junkyard (longtime missing from the BFM now in Flagstaff), Billy "G" Goat (also longtime and last time was with Junkyard but they didn't actually coordinate this meeting tonight...it was just meant to be), Chasez Boyz, Tits Of Steel, Manual Fiesta, Red Hot Chilly Pussy, Just Sara, Gofer Hole (Summit), Shop & Fuck, Cockmaster And Commander (Auto), Spear My Finger (Auto), Chorizo Curtains (Auto), Urine Luck (Auto), 23rd Cumasome (Auto), and Semen On The Poop Deck (Auto).So the only person who took this week to be a themed week seeing as how we were on a very active and sexy campus was CMen++ who came wearing the sexiest little school girl outfit befitting the pages of Playboy as her little token of thanks to the BFM as soon she departs us for the other great city of debauchery, D.C. Since we were lacking of a GM along with most of the rest of the BFM, Shop & Fuck took on the duties of GM. He was absolutely daring, dashing and debonair as he passed out the straws and as came down to the last one he realized he didn't recognize that somebody drew the short one earlier. EPIC GM FAIL. No matter. He enlisted Chasez Boyz to co-hare with Just Martin who was due to lay his first trail with the BFM. So off the two were to take on the difficult task of not being coerced by sexy ivy league co-eds to bail on trail. Our brilliant RA's Tits Of Steel and Manual Fiesta were soon to gather our numbers and send us out into the night for chalk talk and ON-ON to:TRAIL:We left the bar heading south towards a Walnut where we were immediately halted by a X which sent us into Penn's campus (YAY!) to a X on Spruce that sent us west to a BC that sent us back to 40th and then south to Pine. The X on Pine sent us further south to Baltimore where a X sent us west to a X on Woodland where we wrapped around and found a X on Chester that sent us west. Now it was at this point that most of the pack kept going west ignoring a very obvious X that was laid out in front of an alley that went north. Now, boys and girls, it is generally good practice to follow Manual Fiesta on trail especially if you are relatively new to hashing. It is also good practice to not follow Shop & Fuck on trail as that normally ends up with a whole lot of having to catch back up with the pack when trail is discovered in another direction. Since this is the first and maybe only times I will have been right on the direction that trail went despite Manual Fiesta's insistence that the trail kept going west, I felt it necessary to immortalize it in trash. And so, Shop & Fuck lead the pack north into the alley that wound its way to 42nd and a --> north to Pine. A X on Pine sent us west to a X on 43rd that sent us south to a X on Baltimore that sent us east to a X on 34th that finally sent us south to the BEER Near! Millcreek Tavern.The whole pack gathered in, a little disappointed that nobody had caught a co-ed on trail yet but thirsty for some well earned BEER. Just Martin was giddy as he sat next to Chasez Boyz at the bar, pleased with himself as he enjoyed hearing about how well his trail had fucked with the pack. So there was much rejoicing and conversation as we prepared for the next leg of our trail. One such conversation that I sat in on was that of Tits Of Steel with Just Beth about the possibilities that existed with Just Dave (Jesus).Tits Of Steel: If Jesus frosted his tips he would look like Jarret Leto.Just Beth: (IN A VERY EXCITED MANNER) I am going to die his hair tonight and have sex with him!So as much of the conversation kept down that sorted path I recognized that not all of the pack was in yet. I went to the door and popped my head out to find Manual Fiesta coming down the street from a direction that was not part of trail.Shop & Fuck: Are we on out?Manual Fiesta: No, I am just getting here.So now that everyone was finally accounted for, we were ON-OUT again south from the bar to Regent where the X sent us west to a X that sent us into the park to a X in front of the playground (sadly, nobody played on the playground) that sent us north through Clark Park to a X on Baltimore that eventually had us all fucked up before we found a --> that sent us north on 43rd and then ON-IN for:CIRCLE:HARES: Virgin Hare Just Martin's with Chasez Boyz. SONG: S-H-I T-T-Y T-R-A-I-LVIRGINS: NONEVISITORS: Gofer Hole (Princeton) I think bowed out as all I have written next to him is Savat? Junkyard (Flagstaff) showed us a joke about a parakeet on a perch. SONG: It's A Small Dick After All...FIRST IN/LAST IN: Groundhog Lay / Junkyard (and when one visitor drinks, so does Gofer Hole). SONG: What A Wank...AUTO HASHERS: Cockmaster And Commander, Spear My Finger, Chorizo Curtains, Urine Luck, 23rd Cumasome, and Semen On The Poop Deck. SONG: They Ought To Be Publicly Pissed On...CUMS LATELY: Groundhog Lay, Just John, Can You Hear Me Now, Junkyard, Billy "G" Goat. SONG: Where Were You Last Week...ACCUSATIONS:1) Chasez Boyz accused Manual Fiesta and Tits Of Steel of an extended silent moment. And when one ginger drinks so does Chasez Boyz. And when one hare drinks so does Just Martin. Just John accused Two In The Sink None In The Pink of a spectacular hash crash which left blood on trail. Shop & Fuck accused CMen++ of being an over achiever and showing up to the hash like an Ivy League School Girl Gone Wild. Urine Luck accused Cockmaster and Commander of taking LSD earhing gag stunt...Maybe Urine Luck can decipher what I wrote. SONG: I Fucked A Dead Whore By The Roadside...

2) Chorizo Curtains accused Cockmaster and Commander of recommending a great eyebrow lady (which he was very proud of by the way). Groundhog Lay accused Two In The Sink None In The Pink of not knowing what a ginger was...dear lord man, we have the sexiest gingers on the east coast as members of the BFM. Shop & Fuck accused Manual Fiesta of apparently taking a siesta on trail and coming in fifteen minutes late to the BEER Near. Tits of Steel accused the hares Chasez Boyz and Just Martin of leaving flour everywhere...it looked like a Hell's Kitchen massacre in that alley. SONG: Here's To Brother Hasher...3) Urine Luck accused Two In The Sink None In The Pink of taking a cab. Groundhog lay accused Gofer Hole of matchy matchy with Two In The Sink None In The Pink. Shop & Fuck accused Just Beth of plotting on Just Dave (Jesus) so as to fuck her own personal Jarret Leto. Cockmaster And Commander accused the hares Chasez Boyz and Just Martin of hosting a 5k hash. Billy "G" Goat accused Junkyard of a five year reunion that brought tears to his eyes. SONG: Twenty Toes...4) Gag Reflex accused Two In The Sink None In The Pink of running away from the conversation dealing with the cervix? Chorizo Curtains accused Gag Reflex of doing something terribly inappropriate in circle. Tits of Steel accused the hares Chasez Boyz and Just Martin of crossing trail. Groundhog Lay accused Shop & Fuck of saying that Hole Patrol was good for something (collecting hash cash). SONG: EL CAMINO...5) Cockmaster And Commander accused Semen On The Poop Deck and Two In The Sink None In The Pink of something to do with their clothes. Just Hannah accused Just Randi of being an over achieving ass clown by turning in her thesis today. Urine Luck accused Just Hannah of confusing accusations with compliments. CMen++ accused Gag Reflex of admitting to burning down his house. Chasez Boyz accused CMen++ of leaving us for more debaucherous pastures. Shop & Fuck accused Chasez Boyz of being coherent. Just Beth accused Shop & Fuck of ruining her plans. Just Randi accused Just Dave (Jesus) of not wearing Jesus sandals on trail. SONG: Would You Like A Finger In Your BEER...6) Two In The Sink None In The Pink started an accusation that went horribly wrong. And when one person wearing khaki cargos drinks so does Gofer Hole. Can You Hear Me Now accused Just Beth of having a goat in circle? Just Sara accused Just Randi drinking gin not BEER in circle. Just Beth accused Tits Of Steel of being the one that was schooling her on die jobs. Shop & Fuck accused Red Hot Chilly Pussy (BRRRRR) of looking thirsty. SONG: Face Down Ass Up...(and during the down down song Just Randi attempted to shirk the BEER but the pack wasn't having it...and finally Just Randi did her down down with BEER!)ANNOUNCEMENTS:Semen On The Poop Deck wanted everyone to know that he feels awful but he won't be making it to the DC Red Dress Run this year but in order to make up for this he is offering up his rego at cost which is so much less than it costs now to get a rego.Spare My Finger wants everyone to know that the White Dress Run will be November 15th. If you are looking for crash space then start looking now because her pad is already full of like 10 hashers and White Dress is not something you want to be driving home from. Also know that there is a full week option that includes the BFM Pre-Lube on Thursday and the Full Moon Bachelor/Bachelorette Friday along with a pay as you go pub crawl on Sunday. Groundhog Lay wants everyone to know that he is going down to New Orleans to stay with the organizer of the VOODOO Hash the weekend of November 21st for the VooDoo Hash Camp Weekend...and he wants somebody to go with him.Chasez Boyz wants everyone to know that CMen++ is having her last hash next Thursday 9/25 at the BFM at the Green Street Tavern. Oh, and some other guy is also having his last hash that night. Menag﻿e﻿ None I think his name is although he goes by others.The Full Moon has a new GM. His name is Chef Boy Or Horse! He must have been drinking when they asked him to be a GM again! And he must have still been drunk to ask Shop & Fuck to help him out. And Shop & Fuck was drunk enough to accept. Come help celebrate bad decisions as we head to Cherry Street Tavern this Friday 9/26 and give our thanks to Up Her Ali and Hold The Sausage as they turn over the reins (the lone good decision). Also, it is the last night on Earth for many of your fellow BFM as they are all throwing themselves from a plane the very next day (another bad decision made while drinking with the BFM). So come do trail with us then start the weekend off right with BEER and see if you can't make some bad decisions of your own!OVERHEARD:"One tile protruded six inches!" (indicating with his hands two feet long...so apparently when he sizes his junk it comes to four feet long :) ) - Two In The Sink None In The Pink"Shit on head is like a conditioner." - Unknown hasher"You used a table saw while you were drinking?" - Shop a& Fuck"Wellllll....I may have been a little high. We were making a duck soup." - Hasher to Remain Unnamed"My anal lips are moist for you...I don't know if they exist but you'll be loving it!" - Urine Luck"Sorry about those texts. I blacked out." - Just Randi to Spare My Finger

WE WERE ALL ON A BOAT! It was September 4th. If you read not another word just know that WE WERE ALL ON A BOAT! Anything else written after this point is just filler because nothing else can capture what the first sentence so perfectly states. So the sweaty masses of the BFM were gathering together to celebrate 550ish nights of BFM Tom foolery. This brought together so many of our beloved BFMers to reminisce of days past and guess at what was in store as the secret of the nights events were locked down so as to create an air of antici………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………pation. So we all met up to say fuck you to Labor Day and the unofficial end of summer by keeping it going for one more night as we started out at Druid’s Keep with $2 drafts for our thirsty brothers and sisters. Hole Patrol furiously started people signing waivers and collecting the last of the nights cash from those with last minute payments. Amongst those in attendance were:

Rubber Ripper, Splashback, Chorizo Curtains, Spare My Finger, Tits Of Steel, Horny Hands, International House Of Virgins, Gag Reflex, Menage None, Just Amy, Penetration Is Elementary, Just Janelle, Cockmaster And Commander, Cause For Blindness, Flounder, Shop & Fuck, Gay Matthews Lamb, Urine Luck, Hole Patrol, Manual Fiesta, Taco I Barely Know Her, Vaginacologist, C-Men++, Liquor Box, Just Catherine, Schporto Hole, Just Sara, Just Dave (Jesus), Rape Van Winkle, Slutcracker, Barbara Bush, Auschwitz Hole Is That (Pablow Picass-Ho), Just Martin, Just Hannah, Doggy Style, Donald Dick, Chef Boy Or Horse, Chasez Boyz, Red Hot Chilly Pussy, 23rd Cumosome, Ass Jabber, Punani Purri, Just Chris, Just Randi, Salt Lick, Two In The Sink None In The Pink, Just Dave, Fanny Packer, Semen On The Poop Deck, Just Joe, Your Shit Is On Fire, Just Jessie, Spunk Monkey, Jug Stain, Just Matt, Just Jeremy, Runner Girl, Bare Back Mountain, Just Beth, Parrot Head, Anal Nicole, That Bitch Will Find U, Not In My Hair, Just Claire, Just Brian…And there were others but I don’t have their names in my notes so I will be more than happy to edit this post with them as I get them.

So all were anxious and dressed to impress with their summer themed outfits. Gay Matthews Lamb and Cause For Blindness were the hares and they bounded out with orange chalk in tow to set forth the nights events. Manual Fiesta and Tits Of Steel then gathered the crowd for chalk talk and explained to them what was in store. Prior to heading out, everyone grabbed their gear from the bar and tossed it into the back of Taco I Barely Know Her’s truck so they could be transported to our super secrete surprise location. And soon the pack was off. About five minutes later, Barbara Bush with bike helmet on, loaded up the Jell-o shots (which Tits Of Steel slaved over the night before), hopped on her bike and bolted to the shot check location ahead of the pack. It was quite an impressive feat of balance as she had bags hanging from both sides of the handle bars. Now while the rest of the pack was off enjoying the trail Taco I Barely Know Her, Just Amy, And Shop & Fuck drove over to the pier over on Delaware Avenue where Taco I Barely Know Her and Just Amy guarded everyone’s gear and Shop & Fuck setup the shirts for sale out of the back of his car. As for the rest of trail I shall leave this spot for somebody else to fill in:

<SPOT FOR TRAIL DETAILS>

…And then after all of that craziness happened the pack finally arrived at their destination on pier 24 where the Ben Franklin Cruise Liner anxiously awaited us to violate it for the next 2-3 hours. YES! You heard that right…WE WERE GETTING ON A BOAT. A fully catered, open bar, with a DJ, out on the Delaware! So everyone anxiously crowded in to get on the BOAT while Shop & Fuck did his best to take tally of all that were there, collect the last of the payments and waivers and make sure everyone got on and weren’t left behind. I cannot stress enough how amazingly cooperative everyone was for this cluster fuck part of the evening. I truly appreciate it as I know I was the bottle neck for everyone getting on the BOAT and partying like only hashers can…better yet…BFM’ERS! But once that was all done and over with, WE WERE ALL ON A BOAT! And we ate our faces off with excellent cuisine which there was plenty of for everyone. We also had guest appearances from a gang of celebrities that made the rest of the pack a little nervous to be shipping off with for a three hour cruise:

So after we ate and ate and ate and then drank and drank and drank, we all DANCED AND DANCED AND FUCKING DANCED! Soon Gay Matthews Lamb, Tits Of Steel and Manual Fiesta figured out the PA system and then eventually got all of us half-minds together as we were all called in for:CIRCLE:HARES: Gay Matthews Lamb and Cause For Blindness led us on a mercifully short, shot filled, and perfectly timed trail that got us all onto a BOAT. SONG: And The Hairs…

VIRGINS: Just Claire was made cum by Not In My Hair…that lucky dog! Can you imagine having your virgin hash end up on a BOAT! How could any hash after ever compare? SONG: Backs Against The Wall…

VISITORS: There were so many and like I mentioned earlier…I don’t have all the stragglers…but I do know that the visitors from the Blue Hen H3 gave us a cock show, the Great Boobs H3 gave us a boob show, The Hockessin H3 gave us a cock show, the Hells Something H3 gave us a boob show, The H5 gave us a man nipple show, and the NYC H3 shot us the moon! SONG: Meet The Hashers…FIRST IN/LAST IN: Manual Fiesta/Anal Nicole and Tits Of Steel. The first on the BOAT was Just Randi (Maryanne). SONG: I missed it.

CUMS LATELY: I did my best to get them all but this is what I got…Semen On The Poop Deck, Rubber Ripper, Your Shit Is On Fire, Just Jessie, Chef Boy Or Horse, Just Amy, Chasez Boyz, Just Martin, Splashback, Just Catherine, Fanny Packer, Not In My Hair, Barbara Bush, C-Men++, Just Dave. SONG: Where Were You Last Week…500th GATHERING: All those that were at the 500th gathering were called into circle…social! And as this happened we all thought we were drinking a little too much as the world began to spin around and around…but it was just the BOAT spinning to head back up the river. SONG: It’s A Small Dick After All…

250th GATHERING: This was a much more manageable number of people to record. Cause For Blindness, Jug Stain, Gag Reflex, Flounder…and for some reason Punani Purri thought he was there… SONG: Why Were You Born So Beautiful…1St HASH: Which left us with just Cause For Blindness…and the cheese stands alone, the chees stands alone, high ho the merry-o, the cheese stands alone. SONG: Put Your Right Tit Over My Shoulder…

ACCUSATIONS:1) Hole Patrol and Donald Dick wanted to call out everyone that was jealous of them being dressed up as Gilligan’s Island…and apparently nobody was fessing up. Chorizo Curtains accused Semen On The Poop Deck for finally being in his element at the hash…on a BOAT. Slutcracker started off well enough on her accusation but then like a deer in headlights, froze up and walked shamefully into circle for her down down. SONG: When It’s Incest Time In Texas…2) Barbara Bush accused Menage None of wearing a fedora and not being ironic (YES, BARBARA BUSH IS BACK!). And somebody also accused Just Dave of having to where his sunglasses at night so he can so he can…Vaginacologist accused Semen On The Poop Deck of sporting camel toe…ON HIS FEET! Punani Purri accused Urine Luck of dressing like him cause he is jealous of Punani Purri’s style. International House Of Virgins accused Punani Purri of something racist like a marathon or a shirt he was wearing or something along those lines (my notes actually have “racit in ciucle”). Hole Patrol accused Vaginacologist of elitist behavior as he keeps passing two or three exams each week for like the last three months. Urine Luck accused Two In The Sink None In The Pink for dressing in all white after labor day and for the last six months straight. SONG: God Bless My Underwear…

3) HAT! Menage None and Just Dave. SONG: YOU’RE STUPID…4) Slutcracker accused Punani Purri of looking like a lost puppy crying his puppy tears for not being on his own BOAT. Manual Fiesta accused Donald Dick of complaining about his ascot being too hot and how he wished he had chosen one of his many other ascots. And when one member of Gilligan’s Island Drinks so does Hole Patrol, Spare My Finger, Just Randi, Cockmaster and Commander, and Chorizo Curtains…and when one Ginger drinks so does Not In My Hair, Penetration Is Elementary, Slutcracker, and Tits Of Steel. SONG: My Name Is Jack…

5) Rape Van Winkle accused Flounder of reminiscing about his first days on a BOAT back on the Mayflower. Chorizo Curtains accused Shop& Fuck of looking like a Greek right off of the BOAT. Hole Patrol accused Rape Van Winkle of being confused because obviously Flounder is the last remaining survivor of the Titanic crash. Cockmaster and Commander accused Vaginacologist of racing on the Pier on his way to the BOAT. Pablow Picass-Ho accused Chorizo Curtains of not realizing that Shop & Fuck was obviously a Cuban immigrant rescued off of an inner tube in the harbor. Just Chris accused International House Of Virgins of making celebrities…I am not quite sure either. SONG: I Love Booze, Booze Loves Me…

6) Donald Dick accused Two In The Sink None In The Pink of being a better Gilligan than Hole Patrol. Menage None accused Hole Patrol of finally reaching puberty during chalk talk. Cause For Blindness accused Shop& Fuck of spraying his orange cum all over her and Gay Matthews Lamb. Barbara Bush accused Spare My Finger not sharing the pearls around her neck with her. Jug Stain accused Runner Girl of not having enough glitter. Two In The Sink None In The Pink accused Donald Dick of something…at this point we should just assume he is the much younger male version of Cause or Blindness with his accusations. Manual Fiesta accused Parrot of looking wonderful in his life preserver neck wear…SAFTEY THIRD! Gag Reflex accused Liry? Of “Yes they are and everyone can!” Barbara Bush accused Cockmaster And Commander of being a Navy man and not getting dressed up in his sexy dress blues for all the ladies to cream over. Punani Purri accused Just Dave (Jesus) of mistaking this BOAT for his Ark. Chasez Boyz accused Spunk Monkey of proving he was wearing a kilt to 12yo’s on trail. Just Catherine accused Punani Purri of trying to dress like a douche bag and coming off as less of a douche bag than normal. Just Dave (Noah) accused Hole Patrol of wearing the most faded Gilligan shirt that it actually was more pink than red. Donald Dick accused Just Catherine of making him believe she was just mimicking the Elaine dance when in actuality that was her actual dance. SONG: Face Down, Ass Up…

SIDE-SIDE: It was Salk Lick’s birthday…and what better way to celebrate than with a side-side on a BOAT!ANNOUNCEMENTS:Salt Lick wanted us to know that there is a Red Dress Run cumming up in NYC on September 20th https://store.hashspace.com/product.php?productid=17246&cat=256&page=1Ass Stabber wanted us to know that the Leigh High Valley H3 is having a camp weekend that already passed.

The H5 wanted us to know that they were having a camp weekend that already passed. Shop & Fuck wants you to know that we are throwing ourselves out a plane. If you want in then get me a $50 deposit by Thursday September 18th so we can reserve you a spot to jump with the other 20 people on Saturday September 27thin the afternoon. There will be trail and camping afterwards with beer and food all included in the price for $175. ACT FAST! My PayPal account is nfpanagoplos@yahoo.com or bring $50 cash to the Thursday BFM on September 18th at Tango in China Town.And with that circle was closed and we went back to dancing…and did we ever. We were like dancing fools and we loved every second of it. It was the most amazing night ever. . I left my notepad down while I danced and below are the results:

Note the date of this trash as 8/14/2014. I am posting it on 9/12/14. Not quite a full month later. I am proud of this fact. So now to see just how good my memory is and my ability to decipher my own handwriting. I remember that it was the BFM favorite Bonner's that we were all meeting at. I remember there was a lot of people and many of them were from other hashes. The BFM has recently become the stopping point for quite a few visitors and that has made our experiences all the better for it. This night was also special in that we were experiencing an August like none other in that we had the greatest summer weather ever and that night was much the same. So great weather always brings out great numbers of great people looking for a great time...and I think all were satisfied greatly...see how i butchered our language in order to make that cute? These great people included:Horney Hands, Backdoor Deposit, Just Abbey (Virgin made cum by Just Brian), Two In The Sink None In The Pink, Cause for Blindness, Gay Matthews Lamb, Dead End (Visitor from Toronto), Just Mike (Virgin made cum by Dead End), Just Tom (Visitor from Toronto), Cock Master And Commander, Hugh Heifer (Every Day Is Wednesday), Rubber Ripper (triumphant return of the hash horn), Flounder, Just Sara, Gag Reflex, Vaginacologist, Taco I Barely Know Her, C-Men++, Just Amy, Douchebagalo Male Fagalo (Visitor from H5), Jack the Pricker (Visitor from H5), Just Alex, Manual Fiesta, One Inch In (who? oh that guy? WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?), Just Janelle, Just John, Just Andrew (Virgin made cum by Just John), Hole Patrol, Just Hannah, Menage a None, Edger Allen Hoe (Visitor from Hairline Nashville), Barbara Bush, Just Brian, Tits Of Steel, Just Dave, Baby Got Last (Visitor from NYCH3), What A Cunt! (Visitor from Knickerbockers), Chorizo Curtains, Just Sarah (Virgin made cum by Just Tara), Just Elise (Virgin made cum by Just Tara), Spare My Finger, Urine Luck (Auto), Donald Dick (Auto), Groundhog Lay (Auto), International House Of Virgins (Visitor from Blue Hen) and Shop & Fuck.So I am now remembering that the night wasn't all that great to start with because it was raining. Remember it wasn't like it was a 95 degree, "Thank God it is raining to cool things down" in August rain. It was more of a, "This is really annoying to have to run through because it was gorgeous out" kind of a rain. So as everyone was gathering I was flabbergasted to see One Inch In come strutting through the door and I immediately asked him where the fuck he has been and said he should pay for his crime of absenteeism by haring trail...and like the true master hasher that he is he immediately asked to be pointed in the direction of the flour. He grabbed Hole Patrol on his way out the door and so our hares for the night were off. You have to love the legends of the BFM because they never disappoint. So a few minutes (very long disorganized milling around minutes) the pack was herded outside by our RA's Tits Of Steel and Manual Fiesta for chalk talk and soon enough we were...ON-OUT:So since it was raining and my pad of paper wasn't water proof I did not take notes of the trail. I do remember that the pack went north for a while thinking that they were on trail and then came back again and then went in another direction thinking that they found trail but were foiled again and then eventually trail was found and I think we went west up Samson to 24th and then went north up to maybe Ludlow which banked us around east...but remember I wasn't taking notes. But I am now remembering that it at some point stopped raining and I pulled my note pad back out and started taking notes of trail. So flipping through my note pad I found my notes listed a little earlier in the pad so I must have started writing them in a blank space from earlier in my haste. So this is what I got:We looped around up to Market to a X at Schuylkill Ave and went west to a X up Market to a X by 30th St that sent us --> south to a X on Walnut where we checked down the stairs where there was a F and then went west on Walnut to that path that leads down to the playing fields on Penn's Campus...At this time there was a beautiful brown note played by Rubber Ripper, our long lost hash horn, signaling to all that the last time we were here we had Homeland Security shutting things down (courtesy of Rubber Ripper and yours truly, Shop & Fuck). So after the brown note we went down the stairs from the ramp onto the fields west and then under the trestle north to a BC4 that sent us to stairs that put us back up on Walnut where we headed west to a X on 33rd and then we checked it out to a false and then I think headed south to the Penn campus walk where there was another X positioned by a used condom that clearly said, "Please cum enjoy the Penn Campus and its co-eds as much as we do" and so we triumphantly stomped through their grounds. It was around this time that a campus bike cop called over Gay Matthews Lamb to ask what we were doing and our GM coolly explained our intentions so as to avoid any further government intervention into our festivities. We eventually found ourselves at a song X by the Ben Franklin bench on the Locus Walk by 37th street where somebody had the great idea of singing Free BEER or Chicago or some other ridiculously long song that we quickly ended once everyone caught up to us. From there we checked around before we eventually found trail north to Walnut where there was a X that went north to Sansom where a X sent us west to the BEER NEAR...CAVANAUGH'S.While we were there it was determined that my picture was proudly displayed on their wall. Now I don't know that I will ever be as good looking as the gentleman in that picture (I can't even recall the picture that this note speaks of) but I am flattered for the compliment...it may have been a baboon's butt for all I know.Soon we were back on out north to a --> that sent us east on Chestnut to a X on 35th that sent us north to a X on Presbyterian that sent us further north to a X on Powelton that sent us east through the night market. There was much confusion here as much of the pack decided to run along and in the night market as opposed to just following the trail across the night market. Even so, there was good music and pretty people and lovely smells of food so I don't know that we were all that bad off for the detour. So eventually we got back on track and went east past a X on 34th and a X on 32nd that sent us through Drexel Park to the other side on 31st and went north to Spring Garden where a --> sent us east across the Schuylkill and a X that sent us down to the river trail. We followed that on what was a very beautiful night and I kept close to Just Janelle and Horny Hands as he took pictures of the landscape along the river's edge doing his best to edit out the hookers and John's on the benches and in the bushes. Trail eventually sent us up the stairs at Market and then ON-IN.Now, if you recall, I wrote these notes in my haste in a blank patch of the note pad. My notes eventually ended on this little hidden secret that was obviously scribed one night earlier when I left my pad unattended:

So with that we were greeted when we arrived by the very dapper grouping of Urine Luck, Groundhog Lay, and Donald Dick all sporting three piece suits which would soon devolve into two piece hair suits as bare chests were exposed. Things were getting warm in the bar as the pack condensed into the back room so you can hardly blame the young chaps. That brings us to:CIRCLE:HARES: One Inch In along with Hole Patrol. This could have been a monumentally long and painful trail but these two over achieving ass clowns kept it respectfully awful. SONG: AND THE HAIRS!VIRGINS: Just Abbey (Just Brian was the lucky stud to make this gorgeous girl cum), Just Elise (at chalk talk she said Just Tara made her cum but then in circle she said Jack the Pricker made her cum...if we are all lucky maybe we can all make her cum!). Then there was Just Mike (Dead End made him cum cause that's how the do it in Toronto) and Just Sarah (the missing Just Tara also made her cum...a very active yet missing Just Tara) but for some reason Just Mike and Just Sarah weren't in circle for the calling of the virgins...maybe they were ending their virginity in a much more pleasurable way? SONG: Backs Against The Wall...FIRST IN/LAST IN: Cockmaster And Commander and Just John but I think we also dragged in Jack the Pricker for this as well. SONG: This Is Your Down Down Song...VISITORS: And there were many. The lovely ladies from NY, WHAT A CUNT! and Baby Got Last entertained us with "Start Spreading The News" which was a real show stopper! Poor Hugh Heifer, a recent short term transplant from EDW and popular male Adonis with our BFM ladies had to follow up that performance and was left with "Put Your Left Leg Over My Shoulder." The boys from Toronto, Dead End, Just Tom, and Just Mike (there he goes!) gave us "Why Was She Born So Beautiful" and the H5'ers Douche Bagalow Male Fagalo and Jack The Pricker shot us the moon. SONG: She's Alright...AUTO HASHERS: Who sat enjoying a beer while the rains fell included Taco I Barely Know Her, Mrs. Taco Just Amy, International House Of Virgins, Urine Luck, Donald Dick, and Groundhog Lay. SONG: A Soldier I Will Be...CUMS LATELYS: Rubber Ripper (our hash horn has returned to us after many a summer month interning up in Lehigh), Barbara Bush (SHE'S CUMMING OUT FOR FUN AGAIN!), C-Men++, Just Amy, Horney Hands, and Backdoor Deposit. SONG: Where Were You Last Week...ACCUSATIONS:1) Shop & Fuck called the law firm of Dewey, Cheetum, and Howe into circle as represented by Groundhog Lay, Urine Luck, and Donald Dick. Gay Matthew Lamb attempted to call out all those that went over the Walnut Street overpass twice instead of following trail but nobody fessed up to the crime. Cockmaster And Commander accused Hole Patrol of being a sociopath...not sure what his example was but nobody seemed to question the accusation. I wrote something about hats in circle so that brought some people in. Two In The Sink None In The Pink accused Just Dave of racist behavior or attire...but you get what he was saying...maybe. Shop & Fuck accused Manual Fiesta of doing a poor job of impersonating the Three Amigos during chalk talk. Hugh Heifer accused Cockmaster and Commander of "I am going to bed them"...not sure I got that one right. Maybe he and Cockmaster were making plans? Donald Dick called out WHAT A CUNT! and Baby Got Last for their rock opera performance (which I know deep down inside he wished he could have been a part of cause he would have NAILED IT!). SONG: Would You Like A Finger In Your BEER...2) Chorizo Curtains accused Two In The Sink None In The Pink "Bigloeatin shoulder doing what"...I am at a loss for what I wrote on that one. Hole Patrol accused Gay Matthews Lamb of inviting hashers and harriets to the 550th but not any harriers. Gay Matthews Lamb accused Donald Dick all Dick names not teresersast...I couldn't read the last word. Vaginacologist accused Two In The Sink None In The Pink of something but hell why not? Everyone else is accusing him of something. I have a Jeff? accusing Backdoor Deposit of cumming way too early during the virgin song. Chorizo Curtains accused One Inch In of not being around lately. Cockmaster and Commander accused the Unabomber (since I can't figure who this was I am going to say Jack the Pricker...after doing the overheard notes I now realize this was Just Andrew) of having a racist tattoo and a manifesto tattooed on his chest. SONG: He's The Meanest...3) Barbara Bush accused Rubber Ripper of something that was hysterical relating to Jesus and being unbounded but I fucked up the notes. Babs is back with her biting wit and I failed to record it. Donald Dick accused Manual Fiesta of still routing for the Dutch to win the world cup. One Inch In accused the RA's of failing to acknowledge the cums latelys but our brilliant RA's Manual Fiesta and Tits Of Steel actually did not forget, it was just that One Inch In was off getting reacquainted with the BFM and missed his cums lately down down. Gag Reflex accused Barbara Bush of promoting not money respect...who knows what I was writing on that one. Vaginacologist accused Donald Dick of hitting on women who support the Hobby Lobby decision. SONG: I Whip My Cock Out...4) Shop & Fuck accused Barbara Bush of grimacing when she drank her down down BEER. Donald Dick accused Shop & Fuck of "Dirty Tab"?...I think I had just spilled BEER on the down down table and that is what this is referencing...I do feel really awful for that. Barbara Bush accused Urine Luck of holding the monopoly on piss in the mouth...AHHHH...a much better more Barbara Bush like accusation. Cause For Blindness accused Barbara Bush of sounding like Cause For Blindness...which reminds me that she actually was kind of incoherent and my notes don't reflect a well placed accusation after all. Groundhog Lay accused Horney Hands of thinking he is in charge. M﻿e﻿nage a None accused WHAT A CUNT! and Baby Got Last for choosing the longest song ever for the song check. SONG: He's Got A Dose Of Clap...5) Shop & Fuck accused Menage a None of liking all of Shop & Fuck's facebook posts and comments thus encouraging him to keep on posting. Menage a None accused Shop & Fuck of liking his own comments (I don't know what he is talking about). C-Men++ accused Rubber Ripper of hitting on Jesus. Rubber Ripper accused Barbara Bush of not sporting her pearls. SONG: Missed it.6) Donald Dick accused Menage a None of buying chakatta...What the fuck is that? Barbara Bush accused Taco I Barely Know Her of looking thirsty...and when One Taco drinks, so does Just Amy. Gay Matthews Lamb accused Just Dave and Barbara Bush of being better before...or maybe wetter before. Gay Matthews Lamb then accused Shop & Fuck for not cumming on Barbara Bush to get her wet (this is referencing Shop & Fuck spilling BEER on Barbara Bush earlier when he made a mess of the table...again I am sorry and I also need to apologize to Barbara Bush again for spilling BEER on her, not in her). Just John accused Just Sara of sporting 1994 on trail (she wore a flannel). Gag Reflex accused Donald Dick of being the Arnold of the BFM...looking to Pump (clap) YOU UP! Barbara Bush accused Just John of not getting the car books for Just Sara for wearing her flannel on trail. Cockmaster and Commander accused Rubber Ripper of something (but he was across the room doing his body roll so he was hard to understand). Urine Luck accused the Dead End of not having any glitter on him from the H5. Urine Luck accused Groundhog Lay of getting his Don Johnson on with not shirt under the jacket and no socks on with the shoes. Groundhog Lay accused all women of the BFM for not wearing white T-shirts for the rains earlier that evening. Cockmaster and Commander accused Urine Luck of looking like Don Johnson's poor (as in homeless looking) brother. SONG: My Name Is JackANNOUNCEMENTS:Hole Patrol wanted you to know that the 550th already happenedGay Matthews Lamb wanted you to know that Dine Le Blanc already happenedThe DC Red Dress Run is October 12th. Get Tickets as soon as possible. There will be a lot of us there.https://store.hashspace.com/product.php?productid=17022&cat=256&page=1Donald Dick wants you to start thinking about Burning Man in February. I think he is getting a van.Hole Patrol wants you to be prepared for the Pope's visit to Philly and the inevitable Philly Phair Weather Midnight Mass Hash that will come along with it.Tits Of Steel wants you to always be coming out for the Philly Hash (on Saturdays now that it is after labor day)And with that the circle was closed. The Girls from NY were selling T shirts that night and had some great stories of Italian meals and nobody had a clue what a Happi Coat was. Some how the LVH3 Flag made an appearance and was passed around for signing and picture taking. This eventually ended up with its own facebook page.OVERHEARD:"Wooder...tastes better when you say it that way." Shop & Fuck"I can't watch Sharknado by myself." One Inch In"I don't leave urine all over the seat because I'm a nice fucking guy." Gag Reflex"WAFFLES!" One Inch In"Up and down and people are buying drinks and we're talking about Hobby Lobby." Donald Dick"And low, with a crack of thunder, so began the hash. Down the streets, to and fro, fro and to, people look to the sky." Rubber Ripper or Just John"They said unabomber and I knew it was me. I'm that asshole." Just Andrew"Two In The Sink None In The Pink has been preparing for Diner Le Blanc for the last two months." Gag Reflex

BFM 549 and one half Peer pressure had our Awesome G. M. Gay Matthews Lambsome appoint Drinker’s our gathering spot for the hash right after the 549 but not the 550. It was a dark and stormy … no, it was actually a lovely evening, more like Spring than Summer and certainly not like Autumn. Except for that days getting shorter thing. Since I had armed myself with a new notepad and pen, I designated myself on-sec for the night and dutifully noted Jug Stain’s and Cumming Tonight’s presence in the parking lot. Once inside our destination I hugged Big Tackle, Groundhog Lay, Rape Van Winkle, Slut Cracker, Just Randi – being handled by HornyHands – Just Sarah, Just Hannah, Quart Curtains, Urine Pittsburgh, and Gag Reflex. I love hugs. Outside I found Just Not Tube Cock – Martin with his virgins Just Beth and Just Dave. Back inside to meet Just Art, not a virgin, but not here lately and re-meet Just Doug. Then I went back outside to check the weather since it had gotten so suddenly ominous looking, and found Taco, I Barely (Hardly, Scarcely, Only Just, Almost Don’t) Know Her and, Just Keith, er, Michael Jackoff, No relation to Wolfman Jackoff. (Really, if you get named and then only come back once every 8 months, I am not going to remember your name. Also, if I met you last week and the week before, I’m not going to remember your name. Just ask all the Justs.) Va-gine-a cologist was out, too. Then Manual Fiesta and “Just Alex” arrived, as did Shop n’ Fuck, Penetration is Elementary (a.k.a. PennIE, a.k.a. PIE) and Just Janelle.

I saw Urine Luck and Gag Reflex leave with the flour and thought “What’s wrong with this picture?” I pondered the likely of a long f*cked up trail until Manual F. herded the cats outside for chalk talk. We were introduced to Just Beth and Just Dave whom we taught to tell that Just Martin made them cum. And semi-virgin Just Doug, Groundhog Lay’s Other Brother. We had a visitor, too, Rubber Pain from, I kid you not, a hash called “Eat Me,” in College Station, TX home of Texas Anum. At which point I couldn’t help but notice the large Magic Wand in the store window and approached for closer inspection. Not to be confused with the Magic Rabbit, which requires an attachment. Overheard: “Just Alex” wonders why she’s the only one who knows what a Magic Rabbit is. And with that the pack was off or On-On.

We all ran/jogged/walked east on Market for a few blocks before checking and turning north on a low numbered street. 4th maybe to another check at Chestnut. After checking where they wanted trail to go, waiting for me to catch up (riiight), we scampered west on Chestnut, veered past the Bourse and through/around the Korean War Memorial across Columbus to a check right at the Spruce Street Harbor where there was a Festival of Something or Other. The rides looked like fun, and perhaps some were tested before the pack found the check I had just reached, then found trail head north through a parking lot and up the Chestnut Street ramp for Penn’s Landing. At the check on the bridge the pack again searched until I caught up and then chased downhill on the bridge finally turning north again within a hare’s breath/hair’s breadth of the bar. I exclaimed my chagrin at the loss of Sugar Mom’s and Lucy’s Hat Box, but we kept running all the way to … Arch. One block east again to a BN at the apartment building at the corner, (Time: 8:44 O.F.T – Official Flounder Time) and a note to the hashers to buzz 3A. Or, all get on the elevator and nearly Cause a malfunction. Again. Or up the stairs, past the hopeful marking ROOF ACCESS, 4 times before finally reaching the roof. I was almost tackled by Big Tackle carrying a case of Golden Nectar up to the roof from Urine Luck’s Lucky Place. Leaving poor Taco and Michael J. (at least) buzzing and buzzing and buzzing until a neighbor let them in to join the happy pack on the roof. Eventually we had to leave and follow the flour through the parking area under Penn’s Landing and back to Drinker’s. Trail looked something like this. Trail length 1.76 miles. Trail length after checking around long enough for Cause to find pack: 2 miles. Trail length after checking too far at every check and finding all the falses – ask our visitor, Rubber Pain. If you ask me, trail was awesome. And thank you, co-hare Gag Reflex for trekking out to get the beer.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, big ice buckets were challenged to hold as many cans of Narragansett lager as possible, to quench the thirst of the pack. Or continue quenching.

All dressed up and nowhere else to be, Tits of Steel had arrived so she joined Mr. Fiesta opened circle by calling for our...

Virgins: JustBeth and JustDave; Just (Creepy Tube Cock) Martin made them cum. After much prompting. Just DougGroundhog Lay’s Other Brother. Semi-virgin really, but tonight he did trail. Yup, we got ‘em drunked up and fucked up, down the hatch and up the @$.

Visitor: Rubber Pain from eATMe H3 in College Station Texas. (Look what I found on their site: Another Hash Hymnal) He led us in a rousing chorus of oh so appropriate “When It’s Incest Time in Texas” M*therfucking can’t be beat. Just sayin’

Autohashers: Tits of Steel, Spare My Finger (Bedroom), Pa-blow Picass-ho(le is that). Why Were They Born so Beautiful? <sigh>

- You can tell by the smell that she isn’t feeling well, “When the End of the Month Rolls Around.”

Gag Reflex (the sequel): Gang behavior Taco accused Michael Jackoff: I’ve known you all this time and I’ve never seen your legs!”Vaginacologist (redux): Wrong Shake Shack.Just Janelle: being a High Roller trying to pay hash cash with a Benjamin (acceptable BFM behavior, IMHO) Just Doug (again, trend?): um, uh, NimKinPr. Channeling 2 Sink No Pink? Something that looks like GLMineo. Anyone?Just Martin: Showing up right before the AGM hoping to be named. (Not tonight, but there are too many Justseses).Just Randi: Long-distance ComicCon. (And when one nerd – Rape Van Winkle drinks.)Urine Luck: Locking peeps out of the Beer Near. (Co-hare Gag Reflex drinks again.)Jug Stain: Not being the most wasted person at Ithaca campout. Gay Matthews Lamb: too wasted at Ithaca to know who wasn’t wasted.

- “Meet the Hashers. They’re the Biggest Drunks in History.”

Slut Cracker: Accused of being too dorky to come out to BFM.Hole Patrol: Accused of being Cause for Deafness (singing tooooo loudly)Spare My Finger: Has a dose of clap on her hip. (Spider bite – suuuuure) And when Slut Cracker drinks, all Soulless Gingers drink.

- (You guessed it) “She’s Got a Dose of Clap On Her Hip”

Just David: ‘can’t go hashing’ ‘Cause he looks like Jesus.Horny Hands: ‘fessed up to checking the weather due to darkness as Cause for Blindness didFlounder: for complaining about Tacos (the food, not Mr. and Mrs. Taco, or would that be Mr. and Mrs. Barely-Know-Her?)Michael Jackoff: looked (unexplainedly) thirsty.

- I didn’t write down the song ‘Cause I was drinking.

Donald Dick: Dressing in Country Club whites before Labor Day*. [Some gobbled gook about ‘North’ involving Vaginacologist, Horny Hands,& Rubber Pain *Donald Dick: accusation corrected to wearing Italian snakeskin shoes before the F*ck Labor Day hash. And All Soulless Gingers. Again. Long Time no See’ers showing up tonight so we’d recognize them next week: Just Martin, Rape Van Winkle SF 25 yo ? Shop ‘N’ Fuck and a 25 year old? (acceptable) SnF is a 25 year old? (sounds like bullshit to me)Flounder (again! – he confessed to me later this caused him to be tipsy.): commended for his awesome piss stream. [Taco their MF made up burrito Iwimp ????????????]

- “…Juicy Pussy has a way with my v-a-g-i-n-a” [(I really feel funny typing this at work.)]

Announcements:

- ? Babs Boobs Philly hash $25?

- September 27th – Throw Yourself Out of a Plane. (ah, no thanks) Not a hash.