Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Ok. so, I talk to this guy name Q. Q is really sweet, nice and respectful. He's okay looking and he's very gentlemanly. But...I don't really like him. We've been out a few times and I don't feel anything more than friendship from him...but I keep thinking that I should keep him away.

One reason?

He keeps telling me that he will pay for things!! he said he'll be there when I need him, and uHH....chick needs her hair done ASAP !!!! sERIOUSLy, I don't wanna use dude but damn if he putting it out there like that I really ain't trying to pass that up!! I'll still talk to him, but I'm really thinkin' bout letting him gone let him get me stuff. He really seems like he doesn't have a problem w/me. I'm not gonna ask him for anything and I haven't asked him he just keeps offering. I'm working two jobs&& he knows that and he offers...I think its so sweet of him, but would I be using him if I took what he offered????

Sunday, June 21, 2009

I was watching my FAVORITE reality show "College Hill" and it was the episode where Brandon showed his two-facedness and bitchy ways when he ratted to Milan about the roommates talking about her(WHEN HE WAS THE ONE THAT WAS TALKING ABOUT HER), and where he basically insulted Kay and called her all kinds of derogratory names. Now, the question I want to pose is Why do men like to call women hoes/bitches and the etc. and they know its not true?

It seems like when men feel rejected by a woman the first instinct they get is to demean the woman and try to objectify her and call her the one thing that he knows women hate and fear the most being labeled: a hoe. And then they spread rumors about the woman and cause her reputation to be slandered.

Now, I realize that some women CAN/ARE hoes, and put themselves in positions to be recognized as such but what about women who aren't hoes but since the man feels like he has to lie or feels rejected by her, he feels like he has to slander her name to make himself feel better because as we know, people tend to believe the men more than women.

I myself was a victim of this. While in college, I was messing with a guy name yo. Yo was cute, thuggish, and nonchalant and to my friends dismay, I actually fell for him. But I found out quickly that he wasn't about shit and he actually tried to use me (to do his homework, to have sex, to buy him things etc WHICH I NEVER DID thank GOD!) and when I realize this, I let his ass go with the quickness and started ignoring his ass like he was never born. Needless to say, he didn't like it. Almost immediately after I started ignoring him, whenever I walked by he called me and my friend bitches, stupid ho and etc. I learned later on that he told his friends that I wanted to 'have sex w/him" soo bad and that was not true!!! The most we did was kiss and feel... no kind of sex happened oral or anything!! (I havent done anything with NOBODY!) The culmination of his torment was when he went on a website and basically demeaned my name more by putting a "HOE" list and including me, and several other girls on there. I was furious, but I ignored it, and him......I guess he was expecting a reaction or for me to argue, fight or whatever but I ignored the foolishness and went on. Months later, he apologized and said what he did was immature, and he was sorry and he never had a problem w/me...I accepted but the damage was done. Even after he apologized, i chose to not associate w/him, not even much as a "hello" because I felt he didnt deserve it, if he would do it once he would certainly do it again..

So, I hope that men if you feel angry with a woman that you refrain from calling them a hoe, or a bitch. We are not all hoes/and or bitches and those words do hurt, and it can also ruin people's good names and cause other people to disrespect just because of some silly shit you said. I'm not a hoe. Never was or will be.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Why is that when you think you know a person then you find out that you really don't..and here and there you find out that it was all a lie but they were just telling fragments of the truth; at the beginnning of a relationship people pretend to be what they think u want....why cant they just be themselves..

Sunday, June 14, 2009

and I don't want that bitch to be me. I've had instances in my past where I knowingly screwed up a relationship with somebody who I thought was "too nice" and of course, karma came and reared its ugly head and gave me a piece of own medicine...

Why I say this?

because I'm currently talking to a guy who's hella sweet, nice, he's a perfect gentleman but..I don't know. We went out, and I didn't feel a spark. When he calls or texts, I don't feel like....'OMG ITS HIM' i could easily receive a call and text from him and won't think to text/call him back for hours. I know its the beginning stages of a friendship, dating whatever but I just aint feeling it.....but I don't wanna break it off soo soon...lol, one because Im just basing my feelings off first impressions, these first days. I hardly know him, we've been out once or twice I need to give it chance to develop and maybe I'll develop feelings and maybe I just need to built a friendship frist and worry about romantic later and second, because I dont want karma to bite me later on! I just know if I so call "do this guy wrong" that I'll end up talking to a guy I'm REALLY DIGGING and he'll dog the shit outta me. I really dont want that to happen. I've gotten so far in my young life that I haven't experience true heartbreak, and though I know eventually its gonna happen..I'm just not ready for it. I really dont want anything bad to happen to me because of what I've done, but I also dont wanna string anybody along.....but I'm gonna give it a shot though... um REALLY gonna try and be nice, and sweet.. but damn when I dont like somebody, lol I REALLY dont like them.. but we'lll see. What goes around comes around and I'll be damned if that happens to me..

Friday, June 12, 2009

Right now I'm feeling like one of the dumbest chick in the world, but I'm bout to get real smart in a minute. LOL. Ok, there's this guy Imma call him "T", and T and me have history. We been talking about a year now, been knowing him a while. T is pretty impressive for someone so young he travels, goes to a prestigious college, and what seems like money at his disposable. I admit, when we first started talking I was not at all serious about him...my mind was on another guy and he was 2nd, maybe even 3rd on my mind. I went off to college, and we kept in touch and before I came home, he was just letting me know that he was serious about us talking, hanging out as much as we can etc. and all that jazz. Now I'm starting to like him, and look forward to us spending time. So what does he do??? You guessed it!! He starts acting distant!!! Its summer time so he's almost never home, but when he is it seems like he can just never find the time to spend time with poor old me. But when he's away, oh I'm "Baby" this, and he cannot wait to see me... he's home now only for 2 days and there's another glitch in the system and he probably wont see me. He wont text (but claim he would) or claim he doesnt get my call/text...so now, I'm basically calling a spade a spade. He doesn't want me. It's all good when I'm away and he can basically kick bullshit, but when I'm there and ready and willing there's not enough time. I cant wait forever, and I'm not...I know he aint willing to make a commitment anyway, so why should I waste my time?? There's another guy I'm talking to who lives probably 30 minutes away, and he is having NO PROBLEM wanting to see me, talk to me, ALWAYS suggest taking me out and even invited to me a concert. Hell, as I write this I dont understand WHY THE HELL IM TRIPPIN on other dude......-"What he won't do...another will"so im basically gonna give him the AXE!! lol, cant wait to he starts texting me talking about "I dont mess with him anymore," like I'm ignoring him and messed him over!! Dont u just hate when they do that...

Thursday, June 4, 2009

I was on my facebook page today and one of my male friends put on his status about how its like a baby boom and how girls 17-21 shouldn't really have one or more kids....its his exact words were "they need to be slapped with a cold fish str8 out of the cooler" lol. But I TOTALLY agree w/his sentiment like for real whats up with the teen pregnancy shit?! Is it like the new "IN" thing to do? I graduated from high school exactly a year ago, and no kidding since the beginning of my senior year until now I've known about 10-15 girls who have had children....imlike WHOA !! To be honest, in this day & age nobody should get pregnant in my opinion.Its too many contraceptives and birth control (AND U CAN GET IT FOR FREE) for girls to be getting pregnant all willy-nilly! and the killing part about it some of these girls EXPECT their mother to help them with their children. I see these girls who I know got children clubbing and going out and I'm asking myself, "Wow I know these child has a baby why is she spending money on new outfits/getting into the club when she could spending it on her baby". LOL, I have no children and these girls go out MORE THAN I DO (but thats because Im mostly a homebody lol) but yeah. But I can't just rant about the girls too the guys need to be checked as well. Having unprotected sex-BIG NO NO!! I mean seriously, is putting on a condom that hard? It really isn't....and its crazy that with some guys they wont even tell you THEY HAVE CHILDREN..lol seriously! If you so happen to find out they got a child, and you ask they why didn't they mention to you before they will calmly say "well you never asked" lol WELL DAMN...I thought children were a blessing not a secret to be kept hidden away lolSMH! But this baby boom shit is getting RIDICULOUS! I know this one girl who JUST graduated from high school, I dont even think she's 17 yet and this girl has 2 babies....and the other day told me she just went on her 1st date.....WTF?!! 2 children but NEVER went on a DATE?! Wow......But of course, I know there are some females that are young but take care of their children & love them and still trying to work, go to school ETC I really commend them but I'm so over this new BABY BOOM cause it AINT CUTE for you to be in high school going to class and going home instead of doing HOMEWORK, you BREASTFEEDINGlol. I know 1 thing....IT WONT BE ME!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

So, I've been single for like 2 years right? And let me tell u it's been HORRIBLE. Lol. Ok, maybe not horrible but very very unpleasant. Now I won't say that in that time frame I wasn't going out with guys or talking or spending time with any because I indeed was. But a relationship? Naah, nothing of that sort actually happened. This one guy I been dealing with off and on for damn near 2 years claimed I accepted when he asked to be his girlfriend, but I don't remember no shit like that so….I don't consider him to be my boyfriend. I just wonder why I been single soo damn long. Guys play games that's true but I mean it's gotta be something about me right? I think I'm a sweet, genuine, nice and funny person and most guys (I'm not trying to be arrogant or nothing) think I'm cute so what is it? It can't be that I'm a hoe lol or going or what? I'm so confused!! It just seem like guys just "try" me, or shall I say just try to get something from me and they won't succeed and therefore they give up. BUT I can't put the blame all on the guys. When I meet someone who is nice, decent, but I gotta say it: they're annoying as hell I write them off. My bestie tell me I was wrong and blah, blah, blah but is it so wrong to want a guy with swag? I mean seriously…..a guy can NOT be lame and still be a sweet, funny, attractive and loyal guy? I don't know….I haven't seen too much of "cute" decent guys I only seem to run into 2 categories of guys: (1) Cute, Funny, Swag on 1 million BUT he's either a whore, got a girlfriend (but will cheat), or using that old textbook line "I just got out of a relationship so I don't wanna be in a relationship ::rolling my eyes: or (2) He's Ok, Funny, lil confidence going but he's LAME texting me ALL the time asking the same questions OVER & OVER "what u doing" "whats up with u today" and telling me VERY early on that they like me. I like knowing a guy like me, but I'm sorry and maybe this is why I'm single and probably will stay single for a little while longer but in the beginning I kind of like the 'mystery' of not knowing if the guy is 100% into me I like that anxiety of "omg, does he like Me?" asking my girls "do u think he likes me" analyzing what he says, does, u know whatever all that good stuff. U telling me all these shit about how much u like me, how perfect I am to u just kills the spontaneity, the newness the anticipation and my interest for u DISAPPEARS. Ooh, I don't know I know I need to change my ways but it's been like since middle school and I keep going for the SAME type. U guess it category (1)…. SO, I guess it is ME. I need to change what kind of qualities I look for in a guy..its gone take some time but it'll come lol but until then….ALL MY SINGLE LADIES….LOL

Ooh I cannot believe that Im finally making a blog. I loove writing, but I decided that maybe, just maybe what I will have to say will be worthy..haha But anyways, let me introduce myself. Im Porscha, and Im 19 years old (aww soo young!!) I was in my first year of college from 08-09 and now Im just home right now effin bored outta my mind....I've been calling places all around trying to find a job and its like fuck dont anybody want to hire me! I cant spend this summer w/o any money that's just too horrible of a thought of me to bear lol because I have to club and shop and since Im so called "grown" by my parents.. they won't give me anything which absolutely