Last night was alright after all- I said I wasn't smoking weed right now and didn't want them smoking in my room (the only place to do so). We all had fun and no one made a big deal of it. I would like for my friends to realize that I want to relax when I have the time to do so, and without them, but I'm finding a nicer way to say it.

Worst thing... is small. I'm having one of those days where I'm really hungry, even after eating plenty and drinking lots of water and tea. It's a struggle to not eat everything.

The worst thing about today, was getting in to it with my hubby about me not wanting to take part in the omni portion of the meal tonight. He's been really supportive for the most part but tonight he went all jerky. In response, I will cook something that will give him heartburn tomorrow

Sexual violence triggers coming up in a situation where I was totally not expecting such a thing to occur. Basically someone was describing a scene from a movie, to a group of people who were all hanging out together. It was one of those situations where I just felt so powerless, like, I couldn't stop the person from describing this thing and I knew there were probably other people in the room getting triggered by this but I didn't know who and I felt this sense of urgently wanting to protect them too, but I couldn't think of anything to say that would get this person to stop without getting all hysterical so I just didn't say anything.

_________________Man, fork the gender card, imma come at you with the whole damned gender deck. - Olives Did you ever think that, like, YOU are a sexy costume FOR a diva cup? - solipsistnationblog!FB!

I realized today that I'm on the precipice of my breaking point no matter what I do. I took a mental health sick day on Friday, but now it's Sunday night and I'm back to the panic and depression. I remember last year, thinking about whether or not I was going to go back to teaching at my school this year, having so many people tell me that the second year is so much easier, but I was worried that it might not be enough easier and I wouldn't be able to handle it. And that's just what's happening. I can't do it. I don't know what to do. I can't stand how unhappy my job makes me. I love it, I really do, but I can't take it. I just don't know anymore.

_________________Your heart is a muscle the size of a fistKeep loving, keep fighting

New worst thing - there is black mold growing on my bedroom ceiling and on the bathroom ceiling. I've sprayed it with a vinegar/tea tree mix and am going to move my bedroom around so the bed isn't directly under the mold. shiitake. We told the landlady there was damp but she denied it, even the builder who fixed the buckled (synthetic!) laminate flooring said it was caused by damp. We won't have enough money to move house until April. Considering asking my sister for a short term loan.

I realized today that I'm on the precipice of my breaking point no matter what I do. I took a mental health sick day on Friday, but now it's Sunday night and I'm back to the panic and depression. I remember last year, thinking about whether or not I was going to go back to teaching at my school this year, having so many people tell me that the second year is so much easier, but I was worried that it might not be enough easier and I wouldn't be able to handle it. And that's just what's happening. I can't do it. I don't know what to do. I can't stand how unhappy my job makes me. I love it, I really do, but I can't take it. I just don't know anymore.

So sorry. I know exactly how you feel. Two years ago I was in a demanding job that I enjoyed for the most part but that was giving me so much anxiety. At the point that I finally had to get some anti-anxiety medication I decided to find a new job. My new job is way less stressful but also way less interesting. The trade -off for me though was totally worth it. I wish you the best finding your way in this situation.

Uch, me too. Bonfire night is one of my favourite nights of the year & I really want to go but I feel awful and standing in the cold for a couple of hours is probably a terrible idea.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm going anyway! I always take a flask of hot soup & wrap up super warm anyway. It's only a cold, if I'm well enough to work I'm sure I can watch fireworks!

I'm mainlining lemsip in preparation for tonight because I'm still a snotmonster. Are you going to brave the journey from Brighton to Lewes for Bonfire, jojo?

Absolutely not! I love the idea of the Lewes bonfire celebrations but every year friends go and then tell me stories of getting stuck at the station trying to get back to Brighton for hours and hours, fights, people throwing fireworks & teenagers running around getting shitfaced on cider. I'm also not a massive fan of big crowds so it's not really for me! We're going to the display at Sussex Cricket Ground because Nick took me there on our second ever date eight years ago & now it's a tradition!

I realized today that I'm on the precipice of my breaking point no matter what I do. I took a mental health sick day on Friday, but now it's Sunday night and I'm back to the panic and depression. I remember last year, thinking about whether or not I was going to go back to teaching at my school this year, having so many people tell me that the second year is so much easier, but I was worried that it might not be enough easier and I wouldn't be able to handle it. And that's just what's happening. I can't do it. I don't know what to do. I can't stand how unhappy my job makes me. I love it, I really do, but I can't take it. I just don't know anymore.

So sorry. I know exactly how you feel. Two years ago I was in a demanding job that I enjoyed for the most part but that was giving me so much anxiety. At the point that I finally had to get some anti-anxiety medication I decided to find a new job. My new job is way less stressful but also way less interesting. The trade -off for me though was totally worth it. I wish you the best finding your way in this situation.

Oh, that sucks, and I can totally sympathize. To be honest I'm a little relieved to find I'm not the only one in this situation - same deal, I love the company I work for and the people I work with, but my actual job right now is a giant sucky ball of stress. I felt SO BAD that I had this awesome opportunity and instead of feeling awesome I'm just contantly anxious and terrified. I've started counselling recently and it's helping a bit, although still haven't figured out whether or not I can stick it out or if I have to go the "less-stress/less-interesting" route myself. In any case, I would strongly encourage you to talk to someone about how you're feeling. It helps a lot if only to be a reminder that you're not crazy.

_________________She eats a paleo diet, just like the whiskey-and-bacon-eating australopithecans before her. - annak

Absolutely not! I love the idea of the Lewes bonfire celebrations but every year friends go and then tell me stories of getting stuck at the station trying to get back to Brighton for hours and hours, fights, people throwing fireworks & teenagers running around getting shitfaced on cider. I'm also not a massive fan of big crowds so it's not really for me! We're going to the display at Sussex Cricket Ground because Nick took me there on our second ever date eight years ago & now it's a tradition!

I kind of know what you mean. It's really great if you have somewhere in town to use a base, otherwise it's a massive pain in the arse and you have to leave halfway. Too many times I've waved off friends early who've turned down sleeping on my floor because they'd rather [unexpectedly queue for an hour and a half to] get the train back to Brighton. It's spectacular and really unlike anything I've ever been to elsewhere, but if you're not sleeping in Lewes and don't know where to go - and nothing is obvious or indicated in any way - it's a massive adventure in pointlessness as you just end up getting stuck on the high street for two hours then queue for ages.

Lewes people are in no way backwards and deliberately difficult *ahem*, but we like Bonfire to be our own thing so I think it's deliberately hard to navigate for out-of-towners. Anyway, I had a good night! We started off up on the roof of the town hall, then at a bonfire site, and all was well.

The worst thing about my day was remembering how at-home I feel in the town I grew up in... I kept seeing people I hadn't seen for years and it was all really nice... I feel kind of lonely sometimes in the West Country and it's really nice just to recognise people and say hi who I knew when I was lickle.

_________________Moon - "This is the best recipe in the history of recipes forever."

Last edited by Gulliver on Mon Nov 05, 2012 7:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Lets see...1. I forgot my headphones for my iPhone (those who use public transportation understand how headphones protect you from crazy people).2. Stepped in something icky on the train.3. Coffee exploded in the copy room microwave just as someone was walking in.4. I had to tell 8 students in 4 different classes why they were not qualified to take a major placement test.5. I somehow managed to pee on my own shoe in the bathroom (I'm a girl, so I am still trying to figure out exactly how I did it.) And I had to teach my next class with pissy shoes.6. I missed the bus home by 2 minutes, and I had to wait 40 minutes for the next one.7. At home, I chipped my favorite ceramic knife.8. Smacked my head on my refrigerator.9. Felt sick and achy all day.

I was going to try to get some work done, but after the day I had, I'd better stay safely in bed.

_________________You know, I was sure she said ducks but drunks makes more sense. Do ducks pee? I don't know. -vixki

Lets see...1. I forgot my headphones for my iPhone (those who use public transportation understand how headphones protect you from crazy people).2. Stepped in something icky on the train.3. Coffee exploded in the copy room microwave just as someone was walking in.4. I had to tell 8 students in 4 different classes why they were not qualified to take a major placement test.5. I somehow managed to pee on my own shoe in the bathroom (I'm a girl, so I am still trying to figure out exactly how I did it.) And I had to teach my next class with pissy shoes.6. I missed the bus home by 2 minutes, and I had to wait 40 minutes for the next one.7. At home, I chipped my favorite ceramic knife.8. Smacked my head on my refrigerator.9. Felt sick and achy all day.

I was going to try to get some work done, but after the day I had, I'd better stay safely in bed.

Aw, I'm really sorry you had a rough day, but some of those are a bit comical. With regards to #5, if it makes you feel any better, I once managed to urinate all over the leg of my jeans when I was in the school washroom in high school. I was probably trying to squat or something, but I don't remember exactly. I just remember being mortified and sprinting the 20-minute walk home at lunchtime to change my pants and get cleaned up. I think they were a lighter color so the wet part was super visible. Not one of my finer moments.

Lets see...1. I forgot my headphones for my iPhone (those who use public transportation understand how headphones protect you from crazy people).2. Stepped in something icky on the train.3. Coffee exploded in the copy room microwave just as someone was walking in.4. I had to tell 8 students in 4 different classes why they were not qualified to take a major placement test.5. I somehow managed to pee on my own shoe in the bathroom (I'm a girl, so I am still trying to figure out exactly how I did it.) And I had to teach my next class with pissy shoes.6. I missed the bus home by 2 minutes, and I had to wait 40 minutes for the next one.7. At home, I chipped my favorite ceramic knife.8. Smacked my head on my refrigerator.9. Felt sick and achy all day.

I was going to try to get some work done, but after the day I had, I'd better stay safely in bed.

Well, it wasn't terrible terrible news (certainly not life threatening) at the vet today, but it seems like it's "shiitake's getting expensive" news. (Ginny's eyes are fairly suddenly cloudy/blue and have what the vet says are ulcers in some spots)