Daughter defends former submarine captain who told children he was 'bitterly disappointed' in them

The daughter of a former submarine captain who told his children he was
“bitterly disappointed” in them has defended her father.

Emily Crews Montes and her father NickPhoto: SWNS

By Sam Marsden and Richard Alleyne

10:39PM GMT 18 Nov 2012

Many parents who have watched their children throw away their opportunities in life may wish they had expressed themselves in similar terms.

Nick Crews, a retired nuclear submarine captain, became so frustrated after his son and two daughters suffered broken marriages and failed to fulfil their career potential that he fired off an extraordinary email saying he was “bitterly disappointed” in them.

He complained that he and his wife, Sarah, were “constantly regaled” with stories of the “happy, successful” lives of the families of friends and relatives but had nothing to say about their own children which reflected any credit on them.

The 67-year-old former Royal Navy officer said his “beautiful” grandchildren had parents who lacked maturity and sound judgment. “It makes us weak that so many of these events are copulation-driven, and then helpless to see these lovely little people being so woefully let down by you, their parents,” he wrote.

Yesterday one of his daughters admitted that she had needed a “kick up the backside”. Emily Crews-Montes, 40, said: “He wouldn’t retract what he said, and nor should he. In no way would I ask him to apologise. Fundamentally, I couldn’t have a great quarrel with what he wrote. I accept it was too harsh. But if you live in France, you’re used to being judged harshly.”

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Mrs Crews-Montes now lives in Brittany with her second husband, a French surgeon, and three children aged 18 months, two, and 12.

She said her father’s email did not upset her because she had already begun to turn her life around when she received it in February. She had set up a business and had started translating a French self-help book into English.

“I had already done what he told me to do. I had already given myself a kick up the backside.” She admitted spending “many years underperforming”, partly because her father’s uncompromising stance left her with little self-confidence.

Mr Crews’s email to Mrs Crews-Montes, and her younger siblings Fred, 35, and another daughter, 38, included criticism that despite their private education they had “contrived to avoid even moderate achievement”. He signed off by saying he did not want to hear any more from them until they had “a success or an achievement” or a realistic plan for the support and happiness of their own children to report.

There has been widespread discussion online about the email since Mrs Crews-Montes published it, with her father’s permission, in a national newspaper at the weekend, with many people taking his side.

Fred Crews, from Plymouth, Devon, said he responded to the message at the time and was “not going to dignify” his father with a full response, although he found the public reaction “fascinating”.