For some reason, Vince Young’s attorneys are apparently telling everyone with ears that the former No. 3 overall draft pick is broke and desperate for work. According to the Houston Chronicle, the 2006 Rose Bowl star has blown through the $26 million in guaranteed money that he received 6 years ago, as well as whatever other money the two-time Pro Bowler has made over that time. And now, after he was most recently cut by the Buffalo Bills, Young is dumpster-diving for Ramen noodles.

In an increasingly caustic war of words, attorneys have been arguing for months over whether Young is an out-of-control spender who put himself deeply in the hole or simply a victim of inexperienced advisers, one of whom was his own uncle.

“I would just say that Vince needs a job,” said Trey Dolezal, Young’s attorney, when asked to give a general assessment of his client’s finances.

In one of those rare occasions when Darren Rovell isn’t complaining about how ugly Playboy Playmates are and has actual interesting information to provide, Young would have had to spend $7,000 per day since he was drafted by the Tennessee Titans to blow $26 million. So Danger Guerrero and I tapped our brains and tried to think of some of the more awesome things that we would buy if someone gave us $26 million to throw away. You know, if we were Vince Young.

A reenactment of the entire House Party movie franchise by toddlers.

Minka Kelly making me blueberry Eggo waffles every Sunday morning before she rubs my back while I set my fantasy lineups.

A carousel.

A punching bag that looks like Gene Simmons’ son that is actually Gene Simmons’ son.

A robot dog that says “Don’t worry, Vince. Merrill Hoge is just a big jerk.”

The 6 points he did get were in the financing part of the test… The NFL does absolutely nothing to help prepare 20 yr olds going from $0 to Millions… I take that back they get broke former players to come talk to them for an hour about not trusting your uncles and best friends with your money.

Another thing he could do with all that money: Rent out the Rose Bowl and have former college players help him reenact the UT vs. USC National Championship every year. With special appearance by the real Matt Leinart! (Note: his $3000 appearance fee is non-negotiable, and he eats by himself).