Thank you for playing Star Control II - The Ur-Quan Masters.
This game has been brought to you by
Frungy! The Sport of Kings!
No it wasn't!
Yes it was!
Frungy had nothing to do with it!
This game was about war, slavery, intolerance
heroism, justice, and the inevitable triumph of Good over Evil!
Are you crazy?! The developers got millions in Frungy endorsements!
No they didn't.
Yes, they did.
No they didn't!
Yes they did!
Did not!
Did too!
Did not!
Did too!

Attention, starship!
We are the Zoq-Fot-Pik.
Make no hostile actions!
We come in peace, and with good will.
But if you make one false move, you're vapor!
Don't worry, my companion is just a bit nervous
No, I'm not!
and argumentative.
No, I'm not.
We are a scout vessel
dispatched from our homeworld.
We have travelled far
through hostile, uncharted space
to find you.
We hail from the green dwarf star at coordinates
ziggerfau-gerrrnuf, Ah-ah, Pahoy-hoy.
No, you idiot, in their coordinate system!
Oh!
Er
Coordinates 400.0 : 543.7.

You have arrived at our homeworld.
And we've got a billion ships here!
We are fortunate that you have found us in our time of need.
So don't even think of trying to attack us!

"Which one of you creatures is the Fot?"

He is.
No, she is!
No, I'm not!
Yes, you are.
Cripes! We've been through this a million times!
That doesn't change anything. You're the Fot!
Faugh!
Well, Captain, as you can see, this is a point of some contention.
Fot!

We are x flagship y from Earth. What are your intentions?

Hurrah!
Then we've finally found our saviors!
Maybe.
At last, our search is over!
It is just as the great Crystal ones promised!
They look sneaky.
I think they're lying.
Quiet, fool!
Can't you see our nightmare is over!?
This ship is from the Great Crystal One's fabled Alliance
the Alliance of Free Stars!
Maybe.

SILENCE BLATHERING TOADIES! We are your new masters.

We are disappointed.
See! I TOLD you!
We had hoped that our species could be friends.
Never in a million years! Just look at their beady eyes!
But in the spirit of understanding...
Oh, no! You're not even considering...
...We will forgive you this transgression.
Sheesh! What a pushover you are!

Before we go on, can you tell us more about your species?

In our ancient past, four species evolved intelligence on our homeworld.
Simultaneously.
They were the Zoq
the Fot
the Pik
and the Zebranky.
We three, the Zoq, Fot, and Pik evolved in such a way
as to acquire sustenance from many sources
from airborne zooplankton
from solar and ambient energies
and from rocky fungal clingers.
Our favorite!
The Zebranky also consumed a variety of foods
namely: the Zoq
the Fot
and the Pik.

To survive the predations of the Zebranky
we banded together
annihilated the Zebranky
and formed the cooperative union you now encounter.
What do you seek from us?

We are a relatively peaceful group of species.
Unless we're angry.
So we find ourselves in need of help.
We only need a LITTLE!
Because of our desperate situation.
`Desperate' is too strong a word.
I think `troublesome' is more like it.

What `nightmare' are you talking about? What's the matter?

Our planets are under attack from an invading horde!
We do not know who they are, or why they are here.
We are being blown to bits.
Fleets of alien ships appear out of nowhere
then unleash terrible, destructive energies.
Fortunately
they release these energies on each other.
Unfortunately
they favor combat near strong gravity wells.
Their stray shots regularly strike the surface of our planets
often with tragic results.
Fortunately
they have never found our homeworld, only our colony planets.
Unfortunately
all of our colonies have perished as a consequence.

Hey, space is a tough place where wimps eat flaming plasma death.

Oh, dear.
I told you he looked like a creep!
No! We must try to understand.
His ways are not like our own.
You mean his WHOLE SPECIES are jerks?
Let us give him one more chance.
Just look at him. He's a killer, I tell you.

Who is attacking you? What do they look like?

Some of the vessels are huge, green battleships
which launch wave after wave of small fighters.
The other ships are black as space
and their hulls are carved with strange alien writing.
In combat the two ships seem evenly matched.
One fires blasts of fusion energy
while the other launches spinning projectiles.

You have given us valuable information. Goodbye.

If you must go now, we understand.
That's it?! You're leaving?!!
We hope that on your next visit
we can establish a mutual assistance pact.
I can't believe that he's just leaving us here!
...what a jerk.

Yes, yes, that's all very interesting, but now we are going to attack you!

What?
See! I told you.!...
...but would you listen... NO!
I don't understand!
So what does all your nicey-nice to the alien get us?
Nothing! That's what!
You should have done what I said
and told him we were the Precursors.

We want to help. What can we do?

We would like to establish
a formal mutual-assistance pact
with your species.
One of those `You scratch my vent
I'll scratch your flipper' set-ups.
And as a sign of our good faith
we will provide you with skilled Captains
and plans for building our `Stinger' starships.
In return, if the bad guys find our homeworld
you'll rush over here and vaporize 'em.
That is, essentially, correct.
Great deal, eh?
You can't afford to pass it up!So what do you say?

Uh... I need to consult with our, er... our Grand-High Poobah!

Please hurry back with word from your Poobah.
Millions of lives are at stake!
Not the least of which is mine.

These are the words we have prayed for!
Hey! This trip's not a waste after all!
More than anything, we seek an ally
to help us survive in this hostile universe.
We are having some problems of that general nature.
But we are only emissaries.
You must meet with our leaders.
They are wiser... more powerful beings!
They look just like us, though.
Fly to the star called Alpha Tucanae.
The planet closest to the sun is our home.
And if possible, hurry.

You are under attack by the Ur-Quan, our enemy as well. Therefore, speaking for all the People of Earth, I accept your offer.

How wonderful!
Hurray!
How marvelous!
Yee-ha!
Captain, we shall begin fulfilling our commitment at once!
We will begin transporting our officers to your base immediately!
Why, heck!
Maybe I'll even make the trip to your planet!
I'd make a good starship captain, Captain!
I'm pretty darn mean in a fight
and there ain't nobody better than me
with a thrusting stinger tongue attack!

What? Protect you failures? No way! You're too lame!

We have revealed ourselves to you.
We have held out our appendages to you in friendship!...
...and you have treated us like dead Zebrankys.
It takes a great deal to anger one of my species, Captain
BUT YOU HAVE JUST SUCCEEDED!
Attention Shipmates! Man the spray gun! Hoist the tongue!
PREPARE FOR BATTLE!
Yeah.
Let's toast those creeps!

Coming here was pointless, human.
Our species are at war.
Right!

Prepare to die, alien scum!

If you had allied with us, Captain
Which you didn't!
We would gladly tell you what we have learned
Which we won't!
Regarding the two warring alien factions
the Ur-Quan and their siblings, the Kohr-Ah.
But now you'll NEVER know!

With whatever remaining forces we have
we will do our best to destroy you.
Yeah! And she means it too!

Your villainy is beyond possible forgiveness!
We are compelled by our anger to destroy you.
He's probably just gonna run away again.
The coward!

Ah! It is the alien from the Chenjesu's Alliance!
Just look at those weapon pods on his ship.
We hope that during this visit
we can make clear to your species
the benefits of a mutual-assistance pact.
But we're also armed to the teeth
so don't try stealing our atmosphere or anything sneaky like that!

Once more, the Alliance starship has returned.
Yeah. I bet THIS is the time they try to trick us.
Alien Captain, do you bring word from your Leaders?
If he does, I bet it's something like
Submit or be Eaten!

Hello friend and ally!
Got any presents for us?
We hope your struggle against the Ur-Quan goes well!
Darn! He never gives us anything.

Welcome back to our world.
Yeah, welcome back to our world!
I just said that.
So? It doesn't mean I can't say it too.
Besides, you always get to talk first.
That's not fair!
Sorry, that's just the way it is.
Well why?! That doesn't make sense.
Look, don't ask me.
I think it's something technical.
Yeah, right. I'm so sure.
What a lame excuse.

Greetings, Captain.
What can your allies do for you?
Your favorite allies!

Hello, human ally.
We are at your service.
What do you want?

Our Savior! Our Savior!
You have rescued us from certain destruction!
Howee-baby! That was a close one!
The black ship appeared in orbit several days ago
and began raining down bolts of destructive energy
on the surface of our planet!
Fortunately
We were able to focus our planetary shields
to deflect the energy blasts away from our cities.
Unfortunately
Large sections of our planet's beautiful wilderness
have been annihilated... entire ecosystems destroyed.
Oh! That makes me REALLY mad!
I mean, attacking helpless, intelligent, alien species
that's one thing
but toasting our cute little wood Jukes and tree Narfs
that's really low!
If the black ship had been accompanied by others of its kind
we wouldn't have been able to stop the rain of destruction.
They would have killed us all.
Well in that case, better those Jukes and Narfs than us, right?
Captain, it is clear that in matters of war
you are more capable than ourselves.
With this in mind, we would like to give you
our four finest starships and crew.
I hope they bring you many victories.
Try not to lose them all right away.
Oh, by the way, we thought you should know
that we have sent out a group of stinger starships
specially modified for long-range reconnaissance.
Their orders are to report back with information on the war
between the Ur-Quan and the Kohr-Ah.
So if you want to know more about what they're up to
check back here with us from time to time.

Bye, Zoq. Bye, Fot. Bye, Pik.

Goodbye, Captain.
See ya.

So, what's happening around here?

We had a close call last week.
One of those black ships was snooping around the system.
But before it got to our world
some of the green ships warped in
hailed the vessel, calling it a `Kohr-Ah' vessel
and identifying themselves as `Ur-Quan'.
Once these formalities had been established
they proceeded to destroy the black vessel
and then left immediately thereafter.
We got lucky.

It's been pretty quiet, Captain.
Nothing new to report.
Are you CRAZY?! What about the Frungy Championships!?
Why should we tell the Earth Captain about that?
He wouldn't be interested.
Oh, yeah? How do you know?
Because I'M not even interested.
Nobody with any brains is interested in Frungy!
Well what about me, huh?
I LOVE Frungy! It's the Sport of Kings!
Oh, all right
he wouldn't know any of the teams anyway.

Although this may not pertain to the Ur-Quan
we have received an interesting report
from one of our deep space scouts.
She found a strange metal door-thing
embedded in the surface of an alien planet.
Although she and her crew spent many days
trying to open the door
they failed utterly so much as to budge it.
The reported location of this alien artifact
is Epsilon Camelopardalis I-A.
Go open it!
I bet there's something cool inside!

We may not have told you this before, Captain
but my species is somewhat sensitive
to certain meta-psychic vibrations.
Oh, no! Not this mental stuff again!
Although my friend's species
has difficulty understanding our powers
I can guarantee you, Captain
that our limited abilities are quite real.
Oh, yeah! Remember that time
you said you could fix our broken chronometers
with your `sympathetic psionic waves'?
More like `pathetic waves' if you ask me!
Nyark! Nyark! Nyark!
Even through all this negative energy, Captain
we have discovered that...
...and THEN there was the time
you said you could bend dorfs with just your...
SHUT UP!
...sorry.
As I was saying, before I was so RUDELY interrupted!...
I said I was sorry.
Our most talented Seers have detected
some ominous and powerful meta-psychic signals
from the direction of the Orionis constellation.
Faker.

Any news about the war between the two alien races?

Our scouts have witnessed an exciting event
in the Horologii star system.
Yeah! Big news!
Two alien races have entered that region of space
from the coreward direction.
One of the races looks like big talkin' weeds
and the other wears a funny mask.
And they are attacking our enemies!
Well, ONE of our enemies, anyway.
Yes, the new aliens seem to be confining their hostilities
to the sinister Kohr-Ah.
Actually, that's good news.
By focusing on the Kohr-Ah
who have been winning their war up to this point
They've been plastering the Ur-Quan.
The balance of power has been equalized somewhat
But the Kohr-Ah will STILL probably win!
But we estimate that the efforts of these new alien races
has delayed the Kohr-Ah's eventual victory
by nine to twelve months.
Still, it's better than nothing!

We have modified a few of our Stinger starships
for long-range reconnaissance missions.
We strapped a bunch of fuel tanks on their hulls.
The scouts were ordered to investigate the progress of the war
between the green ships, who we now know as the `Ur-Quan'
and the black ships, flown by the `Kohr-Ah'.
We sent out ten... two came back
But the information they gathered was worth the cost.
Unless you were one of the scouts, I suppose?
Nyark! Nyark! Nyark!
SHUT UP!
...sorry.
Anyway, as I was saying, the intelligence they gathered
indicates that the Kohr-Ah will win their war
sometime near the beginning of next year.
Unless someone evens up the opposing forces
by finding an unknown alien empire to attack the Kohr-Ah's rear
or by destroying about a bazillion Kohr-Ah ships.

Our reconnaissance ships have returned once more
With bad news.
Based on what they have seen
the Kohr-Ah will defeat the Ur-Quan
in less than six months.
Bummer.
And based on our last encounter with the Kohr-Ah
we expect that when they win their war with the Ur-Quan
the Kohr-Ah will move through this entire region of space
destroying all intelligent life.
Double bummer!

I fear we have received our last scouting reports, Captain.
Poor Yip, Tun and Haffy! I'll really miss those guys!
Although none of our scouts returned home alive
...and Jiff... and Fod... and (sniff!)...
...my best pal, Rogi!
They were able to send a last message.
The Kohr-Ah have won their war against the Ur-Quan
and they have begun their hideous death march.
(sniff!)
The only piece of knowledge we have
that may help you defeat them
is a fragment of a transmission we received
from our agent Buppo who was in the Crateris constellation.
They got Buppo too?!...(SOB!)
He reported that the Kohr-Ah had something
`big, dangerous and important as hell'
in one of the nearby star systems.
That was all we got before Buppo's signal was cut off.
(SOB!)
You have got to stop the Kohr-Ah, Captain!...
...before they kill us all.
(sniff!)

No. We have nothing new to report.
Nope! Not a thing.

I have travelled here to seek an alliance between our peoples.

How wonderful! We accept!
Hurray!
How marvelous!
Yee-ha!
Captain, we are delighted that your people have made this choice!
Now WE won't get slaughtered!
In exchange for our cooperation helping you with captains and ship designs
all that we ask for is your protection.
So we don't get slaughtered!
We shall begin fulfilling our commitment at once!
We will transport officers and our Stinger design to your base immediately!
Why, heck!
Maybe I'll even make the trip to your planet!
I'd make a good starship captain, Captain!
I'm pretty darn mean in a fight
and there ain't nobody better than me
with a thrusting stinger tongue attack!

I would like some specific information.

Sure. What do you want to know?
Just ask away!

That's enough info for now, thanks!

Anything else?

What do you know about other alien races?

Not much, to tell the truth.
This space exploration stuff is kinda new to us.
Besides the green alien ships...
Which have only tried to kill us.
...and the black alien ships...
Which have actually been QUITE SUCCESSFUL at killing us.
The only other starships we have encountered
are strange tumbling red probes
which profess to be on a peaceful mission
But then attack like slavering Zebrankys.
We believe that the probes are actually robotic scouts
which have suffered some kind of malfunction
resulting in their aberrant behavior.
And what's worse, they are multiplying.
Yes, that's true.
The probes seem to be replicating at a geometric rate.
AIEE! That means if there was only one last week
then next month... ah
wait a minute... let me calculate
uh
uh
uh
That means, next month there will be
...A WHOLE MESS OF THOSE THINGS!
By back-tracing the probes' course paths
we have been able to calculate
that the source of the probes
is somewhere on a direct line
that includes our star, and Epsilon Muscae.
Go get 'em, Captain!

Tell me more about your people.

Ah! Cultural exchange. A good idea.
Yeah! Let's tell him about Frungy!
Be quiet, you fool! He asked a serious question!
He doesn't want to know about Frungy.
How do you know? What makes you so smart?
You never even asked him if he wants to know about Frungy.
Why, I'll bet right now he's wondering
`What is this wonderful sport, Frungy?', `How is it played?'
`What kind of equipment do you need to play Frungy?'
and `I wonder who's ahead in the Frungy Championships?'
AUGH! Will you just SHUT UP ABOUT FRUNGY?!
If you say another word about that STUPID GAME
I'm going to lose control and blow a cloud of spores at you!
Yech! Okay, okay. Don't blow your sac.
I won't mention Frungy again, I promise.
Well, Captain, as you can probably see
our culture's predominant trait
its greatest strength AND weakness
is the diverse interactions between Zoq, Fot, and Pik.
FRUNGY! FRUNGY! FRUNGY!

What was your history like?

Our past? Quite a broad topic for this short conversation
but we'll share a key piece of our history with you.
After we killed off the last Zebranky
we faced an interesting dilemma.
Should we proceed, and establish a culture
which would advance in art, technology and social sophistication?...
...Or should we just go back into the forest
and kick back and enjoy ourselves
knowing that a Zebranky wasn't gonna jump out of a bush and eat us!
Well, we DID go back into the forest.
We stayed there for about five thousand years and had a great time
Then, one stormy day, a Zoq, a Fot, and a Pik were walking up a steep path
looking for something good to eat, when a bolt of lightning struck nearby.
With a huge flash of light, the bolt of energy
carved a strangely-shaped chunk of granite out of a cliff.
It was a disk, with a hole in the middle!
As the rock began to roll down the hill, toward the three terrified beings
some dry grass got caught in its hole, and since the rock was still hot
the grass caught on fire.
When the rock finally got to the Zoq, the Fot, and the Pik
they simultaneously discovered the Wheel, Fire, and Religion
thus catapulting them on to the road of progress.
Which has led us to this day, Captain.
Oh! How did the flaming wheel give religion to our Culture, you ask?
I will explain.
You see, when it got to the threesome, the flaming wheel was going at a pretty good clip
and it ran smack into the Zoq, killing him.
The Fot and the Pik felt so bad
they really liked that Zoq!...
...that they decided the Zoq hadn't really died when the wheel flattened him
he had just gone to `a better place.'
Presumably one without lethal flaming wheels.

Can you describe your `Stinger' starship?

The Stinger is the peak of our technological prowess.
It's totally awesome!
These vessels are cheap to build
and can be quite effective in short range combat.
They turn on a... on a
well a small round thing that's REAL small!
Remember though, against most ships
the Stinger must close distance immediately
and give unrelenting tongue attacks
until either the enemy or the Stinger is destroyed.
Yeah! The tonguing is the best part!