Mike Pence Covers His Eyes During “Gay Moments” in ‘Beauty and the Beast’

WASHINGTON – Mike Pence had heard there was “something gay” in Disney’s new live-action retelling of Beauty and the Beast, so he asked Marc Lotter, one of his aides, to view it for him first. Lotter then gave the vice president a gay blow-by-blow of all possibly homoerotic scenes, and forewarned him exactly when gay moments were about to occur. He took a stopwatch and clipboard, and gave gay scene briefings, all in plenty of time for Pence to avert his eyes, if necessary.

“Mike was a little hesitant about going,” said Pence’s chief of staff, Josh Pitcock, “but I know how he loves musicals, so I told Marc to go along with him and hold his hand…figuratively speaking, of course.”

Pence was smiling boyishly when he left the theater, saying that he liked the movie even more than the 1991 animated classic. “LeFou is fabulous,” the Vice President said, “along with that dastardly yet handsome Gaston.”

Pence said that he sees no reason to call for a censored version from Disney, but he will attempt to watch the gay scene fully when the DVD comes out.