Fantone’s Friday Top 5: Badass Star Wars Characters

Well nerds, the big day is finally here. It’s May 4th, AKA Star Wars Day AKA May The Fourth Be With You. So, in celebration of nerd-Christmas, I put together my top 5 badasses from the Star Wars movies.

Number Four: Han Solo

Photo: StarWars.com

Han Solo was at least 287 times more badass than Luke Skywalker. The first time we see Han is in a seedy bar, we find out he owes a crime boss some serious money, and I’m pretty sure was working as an intergalactic drug runner. Solo only gets involved with the rebellion because he thinks he’s gonna get paid, but before to long, he’s banging a princess. Not only is he giving Luke’s sister the business, but he’s being a dick about it. The first time Princesses Leia tells Han she loves him, he smirks, and says “I know”. Badass!

Number Three: Jabba The Hutt

Photo: StarWars.com

Jabba The Hutt gave absolutely no f*cks. The dude was a mob boss that ran a planet, and when Han Solo owed him money, Jabba put his frozen ass on the wall and put his woman on a chain. Luke came by to save them, even offering Jabba money, but Jabba wasn’t about to look like a bitch. He threw Luke to the Rancor and even though he eventually got killed by a chick, Jabba proved he was one of the most badass Star Wars characters.

Number Two: Chewbacca

Photo: StarWars.com

For what Chewie lacked in dialogue, he made up for by being badass. The dude was basically a giant dog that flew the ship, which compared to your dog, makes his pretty badass. It’s easy to see why Han Solo can go through life acting so cavalier, nobody is going to mess with you when you have a 7-foot, laser crossbow wielding, space-bear with you. Chewie would rips your limbs off your body and it wouldn’t even phase him. Solo said it best “Always let the Wookie win”.

Number One: Darth Vader

Photo: StarWars.com

Keep in mind I said Darth Vader, not Anakin Skywalker. Vader is the definition of badass in the Star Wars world. Everything about the dude just oozed badass, the black helmet, the music, the powers, the voice and more, there was no way any one other than Vader could top this list. I mean the dude chopped his own son’s hand off! Cold-blooded badass!

Intentionally Left Off: Yoda

Yoda is a coward. I’m sorry, people don’t want to hear that, but it’s true. I originally heard the argument from Jim Rome and it’s 100 percent right. Yoda went from kicking ass in Episodes I-III to hiding from the Empire in like 25 years. He’s one of the final Jedi alive, and he is just letting the Emperor blow up planets. The dude was like 875 years old, so it’s not like 25 years was a considerable chunk of his life. The six movies only cover 36 years, so if he was kicking so much ass at 839, he should be able to do something at 874, other than hiding. Get out of the swamp, pick up your lightsaber, and get your old ass in the fight!

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