Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Do you ever feel like you cannot do anything right? That you aren't good at anything you try to do? Feelings of failure have been plaguing me lately. I am lacking confidence in my abilites and seem to constantly be second-guessing what I once thought I was good at.

My most important roles are being challenged:

My most important role, that of a child of God. Have I been reading my bible? No. Have I been going to church? Not the last couple of weeks. Have I prayed and given praise to the Lord? Not nearly as much as I should be. Do I love and worship Him and realize He is the Light of this world?? Absolutely!!

My role as a wife to an amazing husband. Have I been supportive in this career change for him? Not really. Have I respected the job he does for us as a family? Not consistently. Have I shown him I love him and am so happy we share this life together? Not always. Do I love this man for the wonderful dad and husband he is and the huge support he is to me?? More then my words can say!!

My role as a mommy to 3 boys and our newest 6 week old baby girl. Have I shown then love, patience, kindness? Not consistently. Have I taken the time to dive into them and make each of them feel special? Not lately. Have questions like "how am I going to handle having 4 kids?" or "how is THIS fun?" ran through my head over the past couple of weeks? Unfortunately. Do I love each one of these little monkeys more then I can write about? YES...I am so thankful for each one of them and that God sees me fit to be a mom to them and raise them with my wonderful husband. But this thought is not the first thing that plays in my mind.

I have many other roles that are important too...the role of a daughter, sister, and friend. And my first question is "have I done well in those relationships? Have I held up my end of the relationship??" Not consistently once again.

I feel a whole lot of inconsistencies as we adapt to some big changes. A career change for Wes, our new blessing of a baby girl being born, and being a mom to 4 kids.

As I read a devotion that came across my email this morning (what divine timing) it states "in our times of trial, Satan comes to us bringing lies 'You are surrounded and you will never get out', 'You're a failure otherwise you wouldn't be going through this', 'There is something wrong with you and God is sorely displeased.' ""Hezekiah had very nearly fallen for the enemy's trick. The fact is if we don't stand up to Satan's lies - if in our hour of crisis, we don't turn to faith and prayer, if we don't draw strength from God's promises of deliverance - the devil will zero in on our faith wavering faith and intensify his attacks." (The bible tells us that God supernaturally delivered Hezekiah and Judah.)

And so, today I am reminded that as believers we stand on a promise and the shed blood of Jesus Christ. We can have victory over every sin, temptation, and battle that we will ever face.

So today I cry out to the Lord: please deliver me from these thoughts from the enemy and instill the fruits of the spirit on me and in the many roles I play. Fill me with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Give me the energy to dive into your word everyday...to read and to understand and to know that my time with You is more important then any other time spent. I want You at the forefront of my thoughts, giving You the praise and the glory for the privledge to raise our children and I long to do that in a way that is pleasing to you. Fill me with joy to do the jobs You want me to do. I know you are such a mighty and loving God and I am so very thankful.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

On November 3 I attempted to capture a daughter and father moment. As you may have read in an earlier post, our sweet daughters name Abigail means "joy of the Father" and I know for certain that her earthly Father is so in love with her. She will never be as small as she was on that day as we see her growing so quickly and it has only been 1 month since we have held her in our arms.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Here are the boys going from house to house. Asher wouldn't carry a bag for his treats, he just wanted to hold the candy in his hand. So, as we would go to the next house he would drop his candy and take the new candy. So, I was his "candy bag holder".

Aidan wanted to be all gory and bloody...what is it with 10 year old boys?? He was hoping for Jason from the Friday the 13th movies (which he has never seen so where he would get the idea I don't know) but he "settled" on getting a couple "bloody" things for his face...I wish you could see the pencil sticking out of his forehead a little better...I should have taken it at a different angle and the gore on is cheek is supposed to be a bullet shot....(can you see me rolling my eyes and shaking my head?? Haha)

Well our little Asher was something cute this year...as I still got to pick out his costume I chose something Disney...why? Because I LOVE Disney characters! I would have the whole family dress in Disney if they would....but Addison had his own idea:

Nope, nothing cutesy for him...he wanted to be Batman. Aidan (from when he was smaller) has some Batman guys around the house that Addison plays with and when he saw this costume he wanted this one. Every house we would go to he would say "can we go to another house" as soon as he got the candy...he is so darn excitable!! He had a great time trick or treating and will be reaping the benefits of candy-eating for months to come I am sure for the haul he pulled in!

Our littlest Abigail didn't go out trick or treating...much too windy and cold for a newborn to be out. So, our little pumpkin hung out with Grandma and Grandpa Pallister. Next year, I am seeing a one year old princess trying to keep up to her older brothers...oh the fun!!

Friday, November 6, 2009

It has been a while....welcome me back :) There has been lots going on around our house...I will begin with a most important day...October 13, it was a Tuesday. To tell you the absolute truth I couldn't write for a couple weeks before this day because of my emotions. You see, we had a c-section scheduled for this day, for our sweet little girl to come into the world if she had not entered it on her own. Lots of us had been waiting and waiting, expecting this little girl to come out well before her due date like all of her brothers did. But no, not her....you see God has been working so incredibly in our lives that He gave us a full-term baby. He told me long ago in this pregnancy that He was going to give me new experiences, and my friends He did! He kept this baby girl growing inside me so that we could experience what it was like to have a full term baby, to keep her in the hospital room, to cuddle her whenever we wanted, to hold her against my chest without one cord attached to her or any alarms going off from being connected to monitors, and to take her home with us when I was discharged from the hospital. All the praise be to God for He is so good.

So, at 12:38pm on October 13 our sweet Abigail Rose was born weighing in at a whooping 8lbs. 3 oz. and was 21 inches in length. The experience with the hospital staff wasn't the best, but I knew through the whole procedure that all I could turn to was our Heavenly Father. I prayed through the whole thing...and for the administration of the epidural I actually prayed out loud, in a room full of operating staff, as I was overcome with fear that I knew He was the only one who could get me through it. And when we heard her first cry we were elated and so full of praise and gratitude as the doctors said "she is so big." (They knew our biggest baby previously was 4 lbs. 3 oz.). Our little girl was here and I couldn't wait to hold her in my arms.

It has been a little over 3 weeks since that wonderful day and we are loving life. I say that right now as the house is quiet, with everyone napping and I am full of caffeine from my afternoon coffee. There have definitely been ups and downs as we, as a family of 6 now, adapt to our new little person, lack of sleep, mommy's hormones, daddy's work schedule, and the list goes on. But we are simply overjoyed with our family. Wes and I look at our sweet Abigail and rejoice in serving a Lord that is so loving to us who are so undeserving at times.

We named her Abigail because it means "joy of the Father" and I heard directly from God that is what her name would be. Wes and I had originally chosen another name, but the very next day after our decision God spoke to me and clearly told me what we were to name her. We were obedient and pray that this little one brings joy to everyone who knows her, as well as to our Heavenly Father. Her middle name is Rose as my middle name is Rose and I wanted us to have a connection that only a mom and daughter could have. (Not sure that any of the boys would have wanted the name "Rose"). My grandmas name (my dads mom) is Rose as well and that is where I carry it on from so it is cool to be able to take it to the next generation. I am absolutely in love with our little girl...am loving dressing her, putting her in little hats and hairbands...can't wait for the little barretts, piggie tails, and dresses!! Thank you Lord for such an amazing blessing in our sweet little Abigail.

I love the Lord and want to live the life that God has planned out for me. I am married to an amazing man and we have 3 sons and 1 daughter. Being a MOM is my joy even with its struggles and hard times. The joy of the Lord is my strength and I strive to seek Him in all I do.