Life is full of crazy moments, ups and downs and mixed up plans. My life changed in September 2008 when my fiancé was killed in Iraq. Nothing like what I planned, I continued forward. Support from friends and family, as well as my inner strength kept me moving. Now married and raising a pup, I am taking life one moment at a time, living in the present, and working to be happier every day.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Humor in the Moment

Grey's Anatomy tonight was a re-run. It's the one when they have to take care of the victims of a local college shooting. It's particularly difficult for them because of the recent shooting at their hospital and everyone is still processing and dealing with that tragedy. At the end all of the main characters are sitting in the observation room and there is a moment after they realize they didn't lose any of the several gun shot wound victims they had come in that evening. Then they all just start laughing. I love that moment. It's the moment when everyone who has shared a specific traumatic event already knows what the other person is thinking. Sometimes the moments after your adrenaline has run out and you don't have that automatic response anymore, you find it funny. You laugh at strange things.

Is it wrong that those moments always make me think of my widows? :)

I have been in a completely new world in the last week, running around at Nick's new place, meeting people, getting to know the area, helping coordinate my move and all that goes along with that. I have felt the full gamut of emotions while I've been here. Specifically today I found myself trying to play the role new people see when they meet me-- that is, military-girlfriend-who-is-eventually-moving-here-so-it-must-be-pretty-serious-and-we-should-probably-get-her-accustomed-to-the-"military"-lifestyle. Only a few people know my full story, just as I do not know these new people's stories. No one would assume I am the fiance' of a CPT KIA in 2008. I know what's up. When the topic of "my husband had some Causality Assistance Officer training the other day" comes up and everyone talks about how it's depressing and sad but at least now they have an idea about that-- in my head I laugh. I laugh and think, ohhhh you have no idea. You have no idea. Today at lunch with some new ladies, I almost started laughing out loud. I had to stop and check myself, realizing that I was NOT in widow company, and these ladies do not know what I'm thinking.

Sometimes I guess you have to find the humor. Sometimes It's better than getting mad, or crying, or yelling. Sometimes you just hit a demented nerve, a little sensitive in a strange way, and you feel you've earned the right to laugh. I guess sometimes you just need to let it out and a little laughter, I think, is always ok.