Friday, February 02, 2007

Invasions and Bodysuits

Woody Allen said, "I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland."

I have a similar response to the American Apparel website. I can't spend too much time on it or I start getting the urge to get a hipster haircut and splay myself out in contortionist softcore porn poses in my underwear in really ironic places, like the bathtub:

Or on the floor in a dirty hotel:

Or maybe in a public locker room shower:

Jesus, is that a subway station?

Conquering Poland actually sounds like way more fun. At least you can't get herpes that way.

Or you could conquer Poland by suducing then to summit to your power by posting softcore 70's porn jump-suit hipster photos of your self all across their nation. They would be so entranced by your weridly sexualy and slightly out dated (but hip at the same time) photos that they would want to know more about you and your "Americam Ways", but the only way they could do that would be to put you in office and let you lead the country!BRILIANT!

At fornarina, we had a few body suits this season. People always had the worst reactions to them. But they werent that bad.

The worst part though, was taking out the unwanted ones from the fitting rooms and having to touch the groin rubbing snaps area. I would just leave them unsnapped, than to touch a just recently tried on bodysuit.

There was a MASSIVE billboard of this chick's gross CROTCH on the corner of Houston and 1st Avenue in downtown NY, right by where I used to live. I DO NOT need to see a sweaty 70s crotch in a bathtub on my way to work EVERY effing morning!

And while I'm at it, in terms of the clothes (uh, what clothes?), Alternative Apparel is so much better.