I think many people had dreamed of writing and completing a book. A short story or novel perhaps. Send it to a publisher and get it published. Sell a million copies, makes lots of money, get on a book-tour, meet your feverish fans, and ultimately live the writer’s/celebrity’s life.

That’s the dream.

Dream.

In life, there is a problem of procrastination. The act of delaying action.

The longer you delay doing something the more difficult it is to get started.

Some forms of procrastination are beneficial to you.

For example, the dishes in the sink. The longer you delay action — washing the dishes — the higher chance someone else will do it. And if you are lucky, your mom will wash them.

But so far, I am not so lucky when it comes to writing.

My mom didn’t write for her life.

The words didn’t grow on the pages even when I prayed. I thought of paying someone to write for me but quickly abandoned the idea after looking at my bank account.

I had to do the finger labour. Word by word. Line by line.

But first, I had to have some coffee.

*This coffee break took 2 years.

*2 years to get the story idea from my head onto paper.

Epiphany

Autumn, 2015

I went on my honeymoon with my wife.

Set foot on Spain. Ole! I told myself I would take notes and do some research for my novel. Any snippets of story from the locals, the restaurant owners, bookstore staff, art gallery patrons, I would let them feed my curious brain.

This is the home of Don Quixote, which the literary world claimed to be the first novel ever published. Written by Miguel de Cervantes and published in 1605. This makes Don Quixote 410 years old at my time of visit. Incredible.

I even visited the Don Quixote restaurant which was across the street from the hotel I stayed. Don’t suspect. There is an actual Don Quixote restaurant.

Yingmei and I had a wonderful meal and I had an hour long conversation with the restaurant owner, a sweet and warmth lady in her sixties (I supposed). I talked in English, and her in Spanish.

Yingmei and I travelled from Madrid to Toledo (glorious food! And castles and no writing, yay!), from Barcelona to Figueres for a day tour to visit the Dali Museum.

I was in dreamland.

My mind’s eye was opened. It was like an epiphany moment

This man, Dali was incredible. One of a kind.

My last name is ‘Pan’, which incidentally is ‘bread’ in Spanish, and Dali’s personal favourite work was ‘The Bread’.

Pan/ Bread/ Dali/ Me.

My inspiration to write is here!

Well, I procrastinate again.

*Later I realised, the artist in me in brewing silently.

Months later…

I bought some supplies to begin my work.

To write my novel! Which later turned out to be a novella. Which was nice anyway.

The blinking cursor and blank computer screen were making the procrastination stronger every second. I believe you’d agree with me too.

foolscap paper from the local bookstore. This is what I wrote my novella on in the end. See above picture’s yellow papers.

Process

#1

I play with potential titles in my mind. After a day or so, a title will stay and I write it down on paper. The thing with titles before ideas was something I learned during the copywriting courses which taught on the topic of ‘Headlines’.

It has to be catchy, attention seeking, gripping, strike fear, urgency, clear, whatever. You catch reader with the headline, then you can introduce the idea.

Catch your targeted reader and make them want to read the next page.

Take note: Make them read the next page

This is the mantra.

#2

Give a character a problem and a desire.

Man trapped(problem) in a dark room and wants to escape(desire).

Girl loves(desire) a married(problem) man but found that he is also gay(great material for fiction).

Boy wants to fly(desire) but later couldn’t land(problem).

This problem/desire stage is simple and you have to keep it simple because the complicated part is coming up.

#3

Throw lots of shit (bad events) in the middle of the story.

Man trapped in a dark room and wants to escape.

Then he finds that he cannot smell anything.

Then he finds that he cannot hear anything.

Then he finds that he has a stabbed wound in his abdomen.

Then he finds that the floor is heating up.

Then more shit and more shit…

#4 (Last)

Provide an ending.

After building the shit, sorry, building the climax, put an end to this shit.

The end can be either favorable or unfavorable to the main character.

It can be open-ended or closed ended.

* I use I-Ching which provides me the prompts and guide of what happens from the beginning to the end. Often I would differ from prompts anyway. But the I-Ching is a good guide. It helps me to tap into my subconscious.

Problems (always happening)

I have gotten my writing supplies and my simple process laid out.

And I thought it would be a direct flight to novella completion.

But no.

My flight crashed into The Writer’s Block.

My Writer’s Block is made of bricks. Many of them, like:

Money problem.

Cleaning the house

Bringing mom to the hospital for checkups

Parties and festival celebrations

Worrying whether book will sell or not

Worrying about friends reaction that I am writing full time and not ‘working’ full time

emails

YouTube

Self-doubt

Unknown bricks

Beating the Block.

I am lucky that my wife is supportive of my dream of being a writer.

She provided some seed money so that I don’t have to worry about food and mortgage.

So that I could write in peace till publication.

On a personal note, I disconnect from the internet and put away my smartphone when I want to write. I am still learning to write on the laptop because it is very difficult to turn off the internet by clicking on the ‘Airplane mode’ button. So bloody difficult.

I took my fountain pen and paper and headed to the library. And 2 months later, I completed my first draft.

Closing

Writing a book, a novel, novella, or short story (which I’m tackling now and not easy!) is a weird task, it is not easy and not so difficult. What’s happening in the mind is making all things difficult.

I am a writer that doesn’t write every day. At least not with fiction writing.

The masters (Stephen King, Ray Bradbury, James Altucher) and many writing gurus preach the same mantra: Write daily.

Well, I don’t.

I tried, with my blog and articles. I wrote ten ideas a day every day for 3 months.

But over time I felt ‘forced’, unnatural. Maybe I did it too consciously. It may be better and more in the ‘flow’ when one can write unconsciously.

I write in bouts. Weeks of non-stop writing then weeks of letting my manuscript rest (loafing) before I go into the editing and re-writing. By the way, re-writing is writing, and sometimes it is boring.

Do I feel guilty when I wasn’t writing? Well… sometimes. But somethings can’t be forced. Some writers will shoot me on this. “You must write every day! Every day!”

Friends and family said I have OCD. I know what I’m doing when I am not writing.

Writing a book doesn’t naturally features on a person’s life goals list. I think it doesn’t even come across one’s mind. I asked my sister once why not write a book for fun and she said, “Huh, so difficult…”.

We felt we have better things to do like meeting up with friends over coffee, dating, watching Korean dramas, YouTube surfing, tweeting, sharing (on social media, not in life), doing a photo-shoot before every single meal, and many many more…

So why do we not write a book?

The conventional reasons are:

I don’t know what to write about

I’m not knowledgeable

I don’t have the time

Why bother when no one will want to read my work?

I speak poorly so I write poorly too

No one listens to me so who would read my writings?

I can start a book but I can never finish it

It doesn’t matter, I will not die in regret.

Really?

The last I thought about abandoning the idea to write my book, a novella, I felt I saw the future me. Old and bitter and full of regret.

I believe that, to write and publish a book in one’s lifetime, is a noble goal.

So what’s the problem exactly?

What I see as the chief reason for not wanting to write or couldn’t finish writing a book is the lack of instant gratification.