In what can only be described as the 47,368th misstep in Mitt Romney’s campaign for President, his wife, Ann Romney, took to the airwaves the other day to complain about the media complaining about the previous 47,367 missteps.

“Stop it. This is hard. You want to try it? Get in the ring,” she told Radio Iowa.

OK, Mrs. Romney. I’ll take you up on that offer. I’ll get in the ring. Shoot me an email, offer me a salary, and I’ll come on for the last few weeks of the campaign and try and help you and Mitt out.

Ideas? Oh I have a few …

1) Tell the truth about your background, Mitt. No more “I know what it’s like to worry about whether you’re going to get fired. There were a couple of times I wondered if I was going to get a pink slip,” like you said back in January.

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Really? Really Mitt? You were born rich, lived rich, got richer by virtue of being rich. You know what happens to most Americans if they get fired? They panic, and rightfully so. What would’ve happened if you got fired? Really, worst case scenario? Nothing. You would have been fine. No need to sugarcoat this. You’re rich. Big deal.

2) In keeping with the “I’m rich, what’s it to ya?” motif, how about those tax returns, pal? Release ‘em all. Let’s see it. By not releasing all of them (thanks for the 2010 and 2011 ones, by the way) you’re pretty much saying you’re hiding something you don’t want us to see. Well guess what? If the American public thinks you’re hiding something, then even if you’re not, we’ll think you are. But if you released the tax returns, and it showed you paid 2.5 percent tax and moved your money around the Caribbean in an effort to keep as much of it as possible, and it was all done legally, well … yeah, of course, it wouldn’t go over so well, but at least you could then explain it. Like this: “Well for real, American voter, what would you do? Pay a few extra million in taxes, or set up off-shore tax havens?” I know what I’d do, Mitt. I’d set up an off-shore tax haven. Nothing to be ashamed of. But not releasing the returns? Makes us jittery.

3) I’ve covered this before, but it’s worth mentioning again: This whole business about you starting a company is bunk. Yes, you started Bain Capital, but did so with zero risk. Your old job was waiting for you if you failed. But you’ve been out on the campaign trail, with this whole business of “I got the chance to start my own business. I know what it’s like to hire people and to wonder if you’re going to be able to make ends meet down the road.” And that there is a white lie at best, an outright whopper at worst. Make ends meet. Please. (See #1 above.) You know what would be a better quote? Try this on and see how it plays in Peoria ..

“Hello America. My name is Mitt Romney. I was born wealthy. I easily could’ve spent my entire life living off my family cash, snorting coke, chasing women. Instead, I stuck with my Mormon faith, did my missionary duty, worked hard in school, went out into the world and used my intelligence, diligence and family name to make something even more of myself.”

See that Mitt? That there we refer to as “being honest and forthright.” Would it kill you?

4) This one kind of goes without saying, but even when you don’t think you’re being filmed, you’re being filmed. Really Mitt. Forty-seven percent of America thinks they’re entitled to food, eh? That’s going to be a tough one to live down, pal-o.

5) Speaking of that little speech there, while everyone was clucking about the “47 percent” bit, it was the very end of that little video that really had me shaking my head. “What I have to do is convince the 5 to 10 percent in the center that are independents, that are thoughtful, that look at voting one way or the other depending on some cases emotion, whether they like the guy or not.”

Yep. Shaking my head. Why? Because you get it. You really do get it. You’re right. That 5- to 10-percent block of independents is certainly going to be the deciding factor in the election, and yep, you are on target in saying “emotion” is going to play into it, and “whether they like the guy or not.”

Well guess what, Mitt? It’s you the independents are looking at, it’s you they’re asking themselves if they like or not, and it’s you they’re deciding — in numbers that seem to be growing every day — they don’t like very much.

But it’s not too late. Take a look at my ideas. Buy a little prime time television for a short speech. Do what I said. Then you’re back to having a puncher’s chance.