Another Year Older, Another Year as a Mother

I’m 32 today. 32. Not 22. Not even 29. I’m now uncomfortably into my 3os. Oddly, I still feel like an awkward teenager most of the time. I still feel like everyone knows more than me, and that I have a lot of growing up to do. I feel like I’m just playing at being an adult, at owing a home, having a mortgage and investments. And the baby, where the heck did he come from?

Sometimes I think that we should be tested as we get older. If we fail to prove that we are responsible adults then we aren’t allowed to get older, drive a car or own a house. We would have to stay teens until we could prove that we are smart enough to remember to take an umbrella on a day calling for rain, kind enough to give up seats on public transportation for the elderly, and intelligent enough to manage money well. But, if that were the case, we would be a nation of teenagers, with hardly an adult in sight to set us straight.

Some days I am distressed by how young I still feel, by how different I am from what I think a person in their 30s should be. I feel like I have so much growing up still to do, and so much to learn about responsible spending and how to interact with other people. But there are days, most of them to tell the truth, where I am happy being me even if I come across as a bit silly and maybe even a bit immature for my age.

Besides being my birthday, today is also Mother’s Day. (Go call your mom!) It is my second one, and I’m still a bit resentful of it being so close to my birthday. But I am blessed with the amazing Baby Man who I know loves his Mommy very much. I can’t wait until he is old enough to make me a Mother’s Day card. But until then, I’ll cherish every card his daddy “helps” him buy, and I know his grandma feels the same way about the cards he gives her. 🙂

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms and grandmothers out there. And happy birthday to all the May babies too.

2 Responses to Another Year Older, Another Year as a Mother

I feel much the same as you. My birthday was May 5th and while I’m a few years older than you, it’s not many. Worse for me – my oldest son will be a teenager in August. There are days I feel as old as Methuselah (sp?) and others that I’m sure I’m only 20-something. It’s a shock to be staring 40 in the face. It’s not going to be pretty. Sadly, we can’t stop the progression of time. We can, however, stop and enjoy being in the moment – whether it’s the simplicity of a baby’s smile or the joyous laugh of children playing together. It’s hard to remember to stop and just enjoy that second as we bustle off to the next thing on our ‘to-do’ list. Maybe just stopping for that single moment is enough to compensate for the march of time. Either that or a really good plastic surgeon! 🙂