Miscarriage

So what can we do for those who have lost so much? How can we support them? Perhaps we can reach out with an old fashioned card, or even a phone call. We can say “I was thinking of you this week and wanted to check in. I’m here for you.”

Sometimes this can make a world of difference to people who thought they and their earth-shattering loss were forgotten.

IVFML was different than any others I had listened to. For starters, there were two hosts – a husband and a wife (typically podcasts are hosted by women only). The hosts, Simon Ganz and Anna Almendrala, have a great sense of humor, mixed with the ability to be raw and vulnerable. They touched on so many common emotional, physical, and financial aspects of infertility. They had guest speakers who were friends experiencing infertility, a medical doctor, and a therapist. I found myself hanging on every word, and looking forward to finishing the series to see how it ended.

It can be difficult for those who haven’t been through Assisted Reproductive Techniques (ART) to comprehend all that’s involved. It can also be extremely challenging for those who have been through ART using their own genetics and womb, to understand what it would be like to make the decision to use someone else’s.

In the infertility, childless not by choice, and pregnancy/infant/child loss world, there is a mixture of those who have chosen to publicly speak about their experience and those who have remained anonymous.

What causes someone to speak out and another to withhold? Why do some use their names in real life and others choose to remain anonymous?

It has been five years, yet I can remember it so vividly. I can recall the raw emotions that pierced through every part of my being. Although life has moved on, I still long for what was not meant to be. And it still hurts.

I understood the havoc that infertility wreaks on millions of men, women, and couples, and I was not done after completing my family. I simply couldn’t walk away from the ability to support and empathize with those who continue to experience it.

That fateful spring day in April 2012 turned my world upside down. We had just entered the second trimester of pregnancy, and were looking forward to seeing our baby and hearing his or her heartbeat for the second time.
The words came crashing down like a ton of bricks. We hadn’t experienced a loss, and to say that we were unprepared would be an understatement.

The moment I stepped into the Share meeting and was embraced with a massive bear hug from the leader, I was understood. Although I had not yet introduced myself to anyone in the room, I knew for certain that they got me. They too had experienced loss. It didn’t matter how that looked; loss of embryos, early loss, second and third trimester loss, after birth loss. Loss was loss was loss.