Q: My question is for both D and J (if that is ok). Recently my sub has requested that I become “more demanding and selfish” with my power. What exactly does he mean by this? ~ anonymous

Here’s my take. Without meaning to be rude, I think the request is pretty straight forward. Your submissive wants you to become “more demanding and selfish” with your power. What could be more clear? All of it? Well, I can see how that ‘request’ could be read a few different ways.

Reading his intent charitably: perhaps it really was meant as an affirmation of your position. Or maybe he is unable to articulate his real desire — his true desire — that you enjoy the fullness and depth of your power over him in this particular dynamic. Or maybe…

Ah, fuck it.

Look, odds are, he wants you to perform like the bitchy latex covered porn-ofied “dominatrixes” he’s been jerking off to on the free sex tubes.* The subtext of “please be more demanding and selfish” often means “could ya squeeze into some rubber, then bark expletives while sodomizing me when I fail to take out the trash? (but only when I’m in the mood!)” Not that there’s anything wrong with fantasies. And maybe I’m wrong. Maybe he’s just worried you are ‘holding back’ or something.

However, in my humble opinion, generally, a submissive attempting to ‘transform’ who their dominant is as a person is doomed to fail, especially if they succeed. – Unless you really like the idea and were just waiting for him to ask, nay plead, so you could become his ice queen. Were you?

*For the record, I’m not being holier than thou here. D allows me to watch porn, and I enjoy more than my fair share of it. The fact I am not allowed to watch porn without the content being monitored is fucking hot! Even hotter is her disapproval of my masturbating without supervision. Not that she cares what I think. Which again, is fucking hot! Talking in circles like these is an exercise I don’t much mind.

4 Responses to “submissive says: J translates subspeak”

I can’t speak for all submissives (obviously) but I’ve said things like that, and what I’m asking for is to submit even more, to be brought lower, to be of more use – in whatever way pleases him. And yes, sometimes I sense that he’s holding back – and I try to find the appropriate way to let him know he doesn’t have to.

“Look, odds are, he wants you to perform like the bitchy latex covered porn-ofied “dominatrixes” he’s been jerking off to on the free sex tubes.* The subtext of “please be more demanding and selfish” often means “could ya squeeze into some rubber, then bark expletives while sodomizing me when I fail to take out the trash? (but only when I’m in the mood!)” ”

I laughed so hard at this because I’ve so been there and done that! Let’s hope he’s not asking for this though. My experience with that situation was… less than stellar. Ok I’ll just come right out and say it really pissed me off. And that’s quite a feat for someone who actually loves latex, strapon play, and verbal humiliation!

It depends. Perhaps the sub is looking for more intense service dynamic. I mean, what would demanding and selfish be in a wife or girlfriend? “Rub my feet. Lick me off. Come? Don’t be silly, go clean the kitchen. I know its midnight, but I want chocolate. Go find a 24 hour store….”

I realize I am a year off on this, but I have experienced this as well. I got the feeling that what she was doing was what she thought I wanted her to do. I wanted her to not care what I wanted and do what she desired. Make sense I hope?

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