Breadcrumbs

It might not be all over yet

Most of our clients who come to us want to resolve their relationships. Some being referred through the system – divorce courts, where most of them are looking for a quick formal tick in the box of going through the process. Just what the doctor ordered, just what the law mandates. A necessary evil, a formality they need to go through to end their agony of a painful marriage.

It is for these people that I advise, there is hope.

While most of us recognize that relationships have their ups and down, the ones as long term and intense as marriage especially do. And when the path is only downhill we choose to ignore the descent. Why wait for the touchdown to ask ourselves, “Is it really over?”

Statistics show that those who marry later in their lives have longer and healthier relationships. This is especially relevant in a country where most of us marry young.

We marry even before knowing who we are as a person, trying to know what we’re looking for in a partner is a tall order at that stage.

Life evolves, in most cases, quite rapidly. Time moves fast. We change. But we don’t stop and look at the relationship issues that we may have with someone. Someone who we thought was a perfect match some seasons ago, only to realize that it’s us as much as them at fault – if not more than the mess the relationship is in. The reason we need to consciously stop and observe the changes in ourselves as a third person or recruit a friend to do so is probably because that’s what’s causing the relationship to go through a dark tunnel with no light visible at the end of it. If we’re not careful, the train picks up pace and before we know it, it’s at a cliff edge, hanging in a precarious position where most of us just want to let the seemingly extra baggage go, as painful as it might be to say goodbye to save the train of our life.

We should’ve done this sooner but at some point through this process of throwing the extra baggage out we do realize that there might be an alternative ending to this story. A story with a happy ever after. But we’re too pessimistic at this point to try and attempt a rescue attempt.

Our work, with a lot of our clients, has led us to believe that it isn’t over until it’s over and the train of marriage is long and the links holding the carriages though not weak, can be further strengthened. More so when children are involved. All it takes is some work of patience and a lot of self-belief, a bit of a faith in the institution of marriage and a lot of trust in the partner. If not easy, neither difficult. Absolutely achievable.