Category: Snark

It’s April 7, and each MLB team has completed 0.6% of their regular season schedule. Everyone knows that it would be stupid to base patterns off of a single game’s worth of evidence. But everyone also knows that stupid things are fun! So without further ado, here are some ridiculous statistics that teams and players are “on their way” to reaching this season:

Asdrubal Cabrera is on pace to hit .250 over the course of 162 games.

Phil Hughes, if he keeps it up, will end up pitching 192 innings.

The Seattle Mariners are on pace to score 648 runs, 25th most in their 38-year history.

50% of teams were incorrectly disrespected by the national media, and are on pace to continue to prove the haters wrong.

The Cincinnati Reds are on pace to play 162 games this season.

Marty Brennaman is on pace to announce 162 games this season.

Edwin Encarnacion is on pace for 0 game-winning RBI, because they no longer exist.

You are on pace to be disappointed that jokes, like shoes, baking soda and hearts, eventually wear out.