I met a hot bartender the other night. At least I thought that I did. Beer goggles can really fuck with a person’s judgment. Beer goggles are a very real phenomenon. The more you drink, the more symmetrical a person’s face appears, and they become more attractive. It’s science, it’s a fact, and the results can be devastating. So anyway, about that supposedly hot bartender… she was blonde, she had a nice body, she was laughing at my lame jokes and giving me enough attention that I felt compelled to tip her twenty bucks and give her my number. I waited a few days and went back to see if she was working. She was, but she definitely didn’t look like I remembered. I wouldn’t say that she was ugly, but she wasn’t the stunner I thought she was when I was a few drinks in. It was disappointing to say the least. I had to drink a couple until she got hot again. It’s a vicious cycle.