Spring’s Sweet Arrival

A gaggle of geese return to our street each winter
while migrating from one place to another.
They arrive in January, around my husband’s birthday,

and I am surprised to find them behind our house,
honking like cab drivers in traffic. Most leave with
babies but one pair can’t manage to have any;

I’ve watched them sit for years on a wet nest of death,
warming unhappiness. It is only when the other
geese swim past them, proudly displaying

a line of live chicks, that they realize they have
failed again, their eggs silent beneath the love
of their feathers. My neighbors and I don’t agree

on much but we all watch these geese from our
windows, with binoculars sometimes, our breakfast
growing cold on the table. We wish the unsuccessful

ones would have a season of luck, their eggs healthy
and well placed, for each of us has known the pleasure
of spring, the way it feels for something closed

to open: the soft, heavenly weather of arrival.

“Geese” by Faith Shearin from Moving the Piano.

For nearly eight years, my husband and I have been the “unsuccessful ones”, our “silent eggs” s.t.i.l.l. beneath the weighty love of expectant feathers. We have looked upon the happiness of countless friends and loved ones. We have cried tears of joy with them. And have tried to see ourselves not as passed over or less fortunate, but as richly blessed…in ways meant only for us. Parts of our journey were heartrending, others life giving, but all have contributed to our present moment: five weeks away from parenthood and a complete and utter shift in life as we know it.

During this sacred time, an inward turn was necessary. Instead of sharing the threads of my heart in this space, I’ve shared them, both written and spoken, with my child. I have pondered who I am becoming and how that person seems both foreign and familiar. I have imagined our new normal. I have hoped. Prayed. And I have embraced a running current of gratitude for that which we don’t yet have.

As part of the loss community, the elusive happy ending is never far from one’s thoughts, but my mantra over these past eight months has been:

Be. Present.

I haven’t wanted to get ahead of myself.

I couldn’t.

I didn’t.

So I’ve stayed.

Here.

P.r.e.s.e.n.t.

In my absence, many of you have reached out in love, concern, and friendship. Please know how deeply your sentiments are felt and how grateful I am for your affection and connection.

As any new parent, I’m unsure what the coming weeks and months will bring (and equally unsure what this space will become–bear with me on that, please). I simply (or not so simply) hope to be both the mother I’ve envisioned and the mother baby M so richly deserves.

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I'm a new parent, aspiring novelist, and an admirer of those "in the arena". In truth, dear reader, I'm unsure what this space will become, but I hope you'll join me as we discover its heartbeat together.

OH love, how I have been praying for you ever so deeply…I still cry when I think of you and this miracle growing inside of you!! Be present. YES> Honor your heart and the one beating within… Embrace each and every moment of your story as it continues to reveal the beautiful gift of a new LIFE.

Your world forever changed. I whisper praise and thanks for this journey you are on. I’m just SO incredibly happy for you!!

OH love, how I have been praying for you ever so deeply…I still cry when I think of you and this miracle growing inside of you!! Be present. YES> Honor your heart and the one beating within… Embrace each and every moment of your story as it continues to reveal the beautiful gift of a new LIFE.

Your world forever changed. I whisper praise and thanks for this journey you are on. I’m just SO incredibly happy for you!!

Dani, I’m so glad you’ve surfaced for a moment to give us a glimpse into your journey. I’ve thought of you so much. Your picture with your sweet-mother profile is by my monitor, and I pray for you frequently. I am so happy that you have been able to reject What-If as your companion all these months, and instead have embraced Love-Right-Now.

I’ve read all of your posts for the past two years, and I feel that you’ve allowed me the honor of knowing you in your kindness and your vulnerability. I am so very, very happy to hear of your good news. What a blessed one Baby M is, to have such a true mother.

Peggy pesut

So very happy and excited for both of you. I will continue to keep positive thoughts going your way and am anxious to finally see this very loved little bundle of joy. Experience it all! Do it the way YOU want. Take every second to bond and love and be let happiness sink in. Time goes by very fast, you only have this special time for a minute before life is busy and back to everyday again. May Gods blessing be with all three of you!!
Much love to you.
Mom Peg

I am so grateful to the universe for answering your pleas. And equally confident that this season of your lives will be better than you could ever have dreamed possible. Wishing you the very best, always.

All love to you, sweet friend. I’m so SO glad you’re finally here, on the brink of this moment of HUGE Becoming, and I’m certain that your love, your dedication, and your wonderful, so, SO ready mama-heart will meet every challenge and delight in every joy, treasuring the moments you’re given and navigating this long-wanted way with skill.

i had tears reading through this… both painful and joyful tears. but by far, joyful ones. and i have to say… you say “for that which we don’t yet have”. but the way i see it, you have everything now that you will have when that baby is born, and that makes me very happy.

so honored to have been the one to capture the three of you here. what a joy to see it again… on YOUR blog! only a few posts back, this post would have been difficult to comprehend.

Oh Dani, I am crying tears of joy for you. Your sweet spirit has been on my mind the past few months. I am so incredibly happy for you. You have been given such a gift, both in your little miracle and your writing. I pray for many blessings to you and your family this year and cannot wait to watch you grow together. Enjoy!! Much love to you….-Daphne

claudiaschmidt2013

Dani – So happy to hear all is well! Have been wondering how life is with the new baby. Get some sleep! Just remember – it flies by. The days are long (some days anyway) but the years will fly by. Take a lot of pictures! xoxoxo