Lets Talk About: Slut Shaming

If a guy sleeps with 3 different people in one week he is labelled a ‘lad’. If a girl sleeps with 3 different people in one week she is labelled a ‘slut’. Modern day inequality at its finest.

Her Campus

A guy who has several sexual relations is called a ‘lad’ a ‘legend’ and a ‘player’ terms that are inoffensive and accompanied with laughter and a proud smile. But if a girl partakes in the same amount of sexual relations as her male counterpart she is called a ‘slut’, an ‘easy lay’ and a ‘whore’. Derogatory terms which would certainly not carry a laugh or a smile and can easily ruin her reputation.

So why is it acceptable for a girl to be ‘slut shamed’ and yet a guy to be praised for doing the exact same sexual acts? And why is our modern-day society allowing this to happen?

Dictionary.com defines a slut as:

1. an immoral or dissolute woman; prostitute.

2. a dirty, slovenly woman.

In the 1940’s and 50’s courting followed a set of unwritten rules for young men and women. There was an acceptable time during which the couple held hands, kissed, got engaged and following marriage had sexual intercourse. Following these societal conventions kept your reputation intact.

If during these old-fashioned times if a man were to have sexual relations outside marriage it was kept hush-hush. But for a woman? She was shunned and tainted – with great difficulty of her ever getting married.

Fast forward to today. The young generation is having fun and exploring their sexual experiences. But there is still a heavy divide between the way the sexes are treated. Women are faced with the challenge of wanting to freely express their sexuality and sexual desires, whilst having to fend off jabs and judgements.

Pinterest

“Slut-shaming is the act of making a girl feel embarrassed for her sexuality, whether she’s sexually active or not.”

Reality tv show Ex On The Beach is one example of where the contrast in labelling is shown. Episode 6 of the recent season showed Jacques gloating about his holiday experience. “I banged 3 birds in one day – hashtag lad.” Hands down to the guy, its quite an achievement to be fair, but why do we praise this as an achievement and yet if it was a girl we’d be mortified by her actions?

“Women reject promiscuous female peers as friends.”

In 2013, students took part in a study at Cornell where results showed that “Women reject promiscuous female peers as friends.” 751 students were asked to rate the aspects of an (imaginary) woman’s character – for example whether she would be a good friend, if she was smart or not – all based on how many people she had slept with in her early 20’s. Results showed if a woman had bedded more than 20 people before she was 30 then she was unsuitable for friendship.

“What makes a woman a slut?”

Pinterest

The Gloss openly asked its readers, “What makes a woman a slut?” And the comments received were both baffling and rather humorous – here are a few:

“She’s a slut for sleeping with you on the first date.” Anon

(Is she really? Well aren’t you a slut too then for sleeping with her on the first date?)

“Anyone, male or female, has the right to have sex with whomever they want, whenever they want. As long as it is completely consensual. Who are you to judge someone based off of their personal choices that have absolutely nothing to do with you? What’s to say that a person who has a one night stand or sex on the first date doesn’t have self respect?”Anon

“Clearly, it’s guys that dont get laid a lot that have always called women sluts.” Tina

(correction girls are guilty of calling other girls sluts too?!)

“I think that there are also men sluts. Men that think that sex is something that should be done as often and with as many woman as possible.” Jim

“A women that has slept with 20 plus men is a slut.” Rich

(so what is a woman who has slept with 19 men called?!)

“Now don’t get me wrong, men LOVE sluts. We will never turn down an opportunity to sleep with a good looking slut. Partly because she’s good in bed, partly because it’s sex…Most guys can detect when a girl is a slut by the first few dates and by what he hears about the girl from other people and from the girl herlself. We put this information together and figure out if she is dating material or not. If not, I like most guys, will still go in for the prize but have no intention of following through with dating the dirty little tart.” Jeremy

(the first issue is ‘men love sluts’, secondly you base your judgement on the girl from hearsay and opinions of others – who probably dislike the girl, probably a bad ex – yes thats going to go well. Thirdly – nice to know you’ll still expect ‘the dirty little tart’ to deliver the goods. You, Jeremy are the definition of a gentlemen of course.)

No More Sexual Violence. No More Victim Blaming. No More Derogatory Labels. No More Gender Inequality.

Calling a woman (or a man) a slut is more than just name calling – there is a bigger issue around this. American rapper, model, actress and activist Amber Rose is renowned for her ‘SlutWalks’ – an international movement that raises awareness about sexual injustice and gender equality. ‘Slut-shaming’, sexual violence, victim blaming, rape culture and derogatory labels are all matters which she is trying to rid in the attempt for women to be free to sexually express themselves without fear of being targeted.

“A slut is just a word to bring down a woman’s sexuality and make her feel uncomfortable with it.”

Affinity Magazine

My Opinon

If you are single and completely unattached to anyone, emotionally or physically whether you are a guy or a girl, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having as many sexual relations as you so wish (go forth and conquer!) – as long as all parties involved are on the same page and it is safely carried out.

Bustle

I strongly believe that the only way to really know what you want, whether it be a relationship, just casual sex, or what you like or dislike when in the bedroom, is by partaking in sexual relations. Take the example of being high school sweethearts, you’ve only ever had sex with your partner, you only know what sex is like one way. Whereas sleeping with multiple people throughout your young, free and single days allows you to learn exactly what you like and don’t like. So go out get drunk and take that guy home – and you are not a slut for doing so!

And the next time a guy calls you out on the amount of people you’re seeing, dating or sleeping with and calls you a slut, just say: “Yep, literally slept with everyone here except you. I do have some standards after all.”