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Confessions of a Career Diaper-Changer

I have three kids. By my calculations, I’ve spent more than a quarter of my life changing diapers–and with a 2-year-old son, I may have another six months to a year to go until I get to wash my hands of it for the very last time (literally). While I’ve certainly had some sweet moments cleaning, powdering and dressing my babies– do look more and more longingly at Pull-Ups these days.

Here’s the straight poop on how I really feel about diaper changing.

I know that cloth diapers are better for the environment. I admire mothers who use cloth diapers. But someone once asked me if I used cloth diapers and I burst into hysterical laughter. Like I want to spend more time than I already do dealing with poo?!? (Sorry, Mother Earth! I do recycle, though, I swear.)

When I’m in a room with a bunch of babies, and one of the other babies has a stinky diaper, the smell makes me ill. But if mine needs changing? For some reason, it just doesn’t seem to smell that bad!

I still use newborn wipes on a kid who is now wearing the largest size diapers they make (6). I think I’m just in denial that he no longer has infant-soft skin. Some people say it’s hard not to “baby” your youngest–I’m certainly guilty of that!

When I hear someone say her husband doesn’t change diapers, my deep-down secret reaction isn’t that different from if she told me she’d just discovered she was one of three wives. I do feel very lucky that I married an awesome guy who has been my partner in grime (and slime) since we became parents in 2003.

Speaking of my awesome guy–here’s a real juicy confession. I may occasionally exaggerate how disgusting a diaper I just changed was, so he’ll let me off diaper duty the next time nature calls.

I’m a total diaper snob. I’m normally all about buying the cheaper generic whenever possible (I don’t think I’ve taken brand-name Tylenol for a headache since the early 2000s). But for diapers, I go for Earth’s Best. I had one too many diaper explosions that weren’t properly contained by less-expensive varieties to ever go back. They are made from plant-based absorbent ingredients and are chlorine-free, so they have an environmental edge over the usual landfill-cloggers, too.

I’m really not a clean freak, but after changing a particularly bad diaper, I have a cleansing routine that involves both hand washing (with a soap that has a strong, wonderful smell, like Mrs. Meyers) and hand sanitizer.

I like to make up goofy, potty word songs while I’m changing diapers, like, “Poops, There it Is” and “Tinkle, Tinkle, Little Star.” Hey, whatever gets you through the day, right?