A well intentioned rant about the current state of Advertising, with particular emphasis on Big Dumb Agencies (BDA's) Because, no matter how bad you think it is, it's actually a great deal worse!
"Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill pail." George Orwell.

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You have to laugh at the excitement being generated for Budweiser by the Wieden + Kennedy "Dilly Dilly" campaign. In the words of Anheuser-Busch InBev Chief Marketing Nozzle, Miguel Patricio. To tell you the truth, we never expected this to be so successful. It didn't test that well. We did that ad, actually, because of – the new season of "Game of Thrones" coming, but when we tested, it didn't test that well. We said, "Consumers will get it." And especially with repetition. We have a chance here for this to become big. So, we went against the research and we gave a chance to "Dilly Dilly" and we are so happy! I think that one of the proofs of success, nowadays, from a cultural standpoint, is when you go to Amazon and you don't do anything, there are people already selling t-shirts. Two weeks ago, I went on Amazon. There were like ten different types of "Dilly Dilly" t-shirts. I said "Yes! That's it!" Listen mate. fuck the tee shirts, is anyone buying the Nuns Piss? Remember "Wasssup? That did a lot of good.

Most political ads suck big time, so what a pleasant surprise to see this TV spot for Dana Nessel a Democratic candidate for Michigan Attorney General. She’s a Detroit attorney who became famous for leading the legal fight for marriage equality in the Great Lakes State, and as her excellent ad suggests, she has a good idea for reducing the amount of sexual harassment by icky men in high office: Get more women in office. The best bit is when she says... If the last few weeks has taught us anything, it’s that we need more women in positions of power, not less. So when you’re choosing Michigan’s next attorney general, ask yourself this: Who can you trust most not to show you their penis in a professional setting? Is it the candidate who doesn’t have a penis? I’d say so. Fucking yes...

You will be devastated to hear that Tiger Woods didn't win the 18 man tournament he played in this weekend. Aptly named the "Hero World Challenge" his army of sycophants followed him around, cheering every time he picked up a club, or paused for a fart. He hasn't won anything for years, but he's still pulling down millions in sponsorships and shit. I'm with George Carlin here... Golf is a game for fucktards watched by douchenozzles.

Did you see what Steven Hawking said about AI? The genie is out of the bottle. We need to move forward on artificial intelligence development but we also need to be mindful of its very real dangers. I fear that AI may replace humans altogether. If people design computer viruses, someone will design AI that replicates itself. This will be a new form of life that will outperform humans. This from a guy who knows his shit.

As we are rapidly approaching the time when people will rely on "Apps" to know what to do every waking moment of their miserable life, including knowing when to have a pee, or take a dump. You will be thrilled shitless (another dump reference) to learn that IKEA has an "App" that will show you where to put your Christmas tree, as there is no fucking way you could work that out for yourself... Pathetic.

Did you see that Domino's will now "Insure" your pizza against disaster? The fast food brand's latest campaign, by Crispin Porter & Bogusky, (It used to be an ad agency... Remember?) shows stupid things happening to people stupid enough to buy a Domino's pizza. According to CP&B, in order for customers to get a replacement pie, carryout orders must be returned to the same store, uneaten and in original packaging, within two hours of purchase. Basically "anything" is covered as long as the food is returned uneaten-- Which should be easy enough to do as a Domino's pizza is fucking uneatable.

For the man who has everything, particularly more money than sense, for a mere $35 you can have your very own voice-activated decanter from Jim Beam. Mind you, you'll have to drink the contents within six months, 'cos that's when the batteries run out. Supplies are limited to one per customer... Why the fuck would you want even one? This isn’t the brand’s first foray into tech design. In fall 2016, it offered the Jim Beam Apple Watch, which couldn’t really do much (even tell time), but offered a built-in, collapsible shot glass. Jim Beam dubbed it “the first drinkable wearable.” You can't make this shit up.

Over at MediaPost there's more news about the possible split between WPP and Ford. The new talks with Ford follow last year’s rebranding by WPP of the primary agencies that handle the Ford business. Agencies Team Detroit, Blue Hive (the WPP units that serve Ford outside the U.S.) and Retail First were folded under a single global identity now called GTB, which stands for Global Team Blue. GTB operates on six continents and has 49 offices. It is integrated across most communications disciplines and is WPP’s largest agency team. It’s one of 48 WPP global client teams. Remember when the Poisoned Dwarf created "Enfatico," A Global team to handle Dell worldwide? They opened offices all over the world, hired thousands of people and never produced a single campaign. After two years the place was shuttered and dumped in a broom closet at Y&R.

Ominous news for WPP over at MoreAboutAdvertising. “WPP announces that, on 27 November 2017 in Detroit, Ford Motor Company verbally informed WPP that they are considering their future internal and external marketing model and want to enter into a further agreement with WPP for a period to be agreed in 2018. “WPP is considering the proposal and is in discussion with Ford on next steps.” Oh, fucking oh... Smells like bad news to me. I'm sure the Poisoned Dwarf will bend over backwards to hold on to this massive piece of business... But as we all know, nothing is forever, particularly with the current state of the biz.