Case Number 09065

HOW TO KILL A JUDGE

The Charge

Why does one kill a magistrate?

Opening Statement

Appellate Judge Rob Lineberger will be interred next Monday in a public
ceremony. After years of faithful service to DVD Verdict, he passed at the hands
of an unknown assailant. He'd been working on a review of Blue Underground's
release of How to Kill a Judge, an Italian political thriller from 1974
starring Franco Nero.

Facts of the Case

When director Giacomo Solaris (Franco Nero, Django, Die Hard 2: Die
Harder) makes a movie that accuses a high-ranking magistrate of being a
mafia stooge, he earns the ire of the judge's wife, Antonia Traini
(Françoise Fabian, Reunion). When real life mimics Giacomo's film,
the two form an uneasy partnership and investigate the murder. Between
backstabbing party members, the press, crooked cops, and mafia warfare, Giacomo
has his hands full trying to uncover the truth.

The Evidence

Judge Rob's recorded notes on this DVD were succinct but telling. We
recovered them from his home and transcribed them for this, his last review.
They are the final testament to his high standards of professional
criticism:

How to kill a judge? Holy shit, we gotta bury this thing but fast. Word got
out, the staff of DVD Verdict would be dropping like flies. I've already got an
army of Dane Cook fans waiting to catch me in a dark alley, plus those death
threats from The Family Guy fans. My bad, Family Guy fans.

Let's open 'er up. Holy liner notes, Batman..."Blue Underground is a
company that truly comprehends the DVD format -- DVDVerdict.com." That
makes me smile every time I see it, and now it's the freaking cover blurb for
their catalog. It's true, though. Revolver impressed me, and since then
just about every Blue Underground title has lived up to its word. But I have a
bad feeling about this one for some reason. It seems like it will be kinda
dry.

Well, at least they got one thing right: Blue Underground included the
Italian track this time. Good thing too, because their poorly dubbed Italian
crime flicks were getting comical. At least the English actors are a decent
match in the English dub for How to Kill a Judge (well, except for that
dying gangster). Do I detect Nero dubbing his English lines?

This mono sound isn't exactly blowing my robes up, but it's clean enough to
get the job done. Catchy soundtrack, though. Trust me, when Blue Underground has
a reason to crank out some surround action, you get all six barrels. Just check
out Q: The Winged Serpent if you don't believe me.

While we're polishing Blue Underground's reputation, might as well mention
the transfer. Unlike most of their stuff, the colors in this one seem faded. The
top left corner seems particularly washed out, but only in the opening reel.
Colors get richer as the film progresses. Detail is superior and the transfer is
crisp. Dirt and scratches have been excised with prejudice. The colors are
stable and have been adjusted correctly, even if the print faded a little with
age in some places. Blue Underground is always conscientious when it comes to
transferring video.

Speaking of blue, this Franco Nero guy sure has blue eyes. I mean, he stares
into your soul. He's like Paul Newman, only without the salad dressing. I'm not
as impressed with Françoise Fabian, though; she isn't quite selling the
"Italian dame with a steel backbone" shtick. I get it, she has a
secret, get on with it already. The rest of the cast? Well, less said the
better.

Yep, I was right, this is dry. You can count on Blue Underground for two
things: sex and violence. Why'd they have to get all highbrow? I don't know jack
about the Italian political situation in the '60s, much less the subtleties of
political party solidarity and mafia ties. Aside from a little fondle or two and
that judge draining blood all over the pavement, this thing feels like an actual
drama. I wasn't prepared for this, and I can't exactly un-drink those beers and
concentrate now. Why can't Giacomo accidentally walk into a strip bar that
happens to be erupting into full-scale mafia warfare?

Oh well, best to muddle through. Giacomo and Antonia are driving around and
talking to people. More talking. Ok, here are some mafia guys, this might spice
things up...[long pause]...nope. Okay, now Giacomo's mafia friend is showing him
some bulldozers. I guess there's a message about corruption in here somewhere.
Hey, another mafia hit! A lame one, that is. So close.

Might as well check out the extras. They're still putting spoiler warnings
in front of the interviews. Nice touch. These trailers are completely lame, but
let's be honest here -- they didn't have much raw material to work with. The
interview is pretty good, with a little back patting and some interesting
stories about their working relationship. Damiani and Nero don't seem in the
mood to discuss this movie, though.

Can't say I blame them. Political mystery-dramas are nice in theory, but not
so gripping in practice. Let's talk about something else. I caught V for
Vendetta last night. I think V might be Bill Gibron. They both have that
alliteration thing going, and a penchant for quirky literary allusion. Hold on a
sec, there's someone at the door.

Closing Statement

Those were Judge Rob's final words. Well, he might have said "What
the hell are you doing with that meat hook?" or
"GaaaHHHHHHhhhhh..." or something, but as far as the historic record
goes, we're gonna have to stick with "Hold on a sec, there's someone at the
door."

The Verdict

On the count of killing a judge, we find How to Kill a Judge guilty as
charged.