(Wildly Inaccurate) Study Says That Size Matters

Scottish psychologists studied the sexual appetites of 323 women and found that most reach orgasm more easily when their lover’s manhood exceeds the average size of 5.8 inches.

“This might be due…to greater ability of a longer penis to stimulate the entire length of the vagina and the cervix,” researcher Stuart Brody, a psychologist at the University of West Scotland, told the website Live Science. Brody said the research showed that women who had sex with well-endowed partners had the most vaginal orgasms.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to sit in my double-parked muscle car while shooting off rounds from my AR-15 and blaring Billy Joel’s “Big Shot” from my subwoofers, because I AM A MANLY MAN.

the weight of the wallet upon the buttock has been shown to greatly increase the intensity of the thrusting.
additionally, raw cash upon the genitals has been shown to cause women to have more positive feelings about terrible life choices.

anyone who agrees with this is just trying to justify how tiny their dick is. you can be as bad as you want but if you have a 10 inch lap hog, that will probably be the focus of her story the next day.