Maddie, stern and focused, logs in long hours in the library and is none too happy to see her late-night solitude disturbed by James, who’s prone to cocky wisecracks and loud snacking. She prefers following the letter of the law, while he holds that context matters.

Something tells me these two crazy kids are going to hook up despite their differences.

(Incidentally, it’d be nice to have a sexy Jewish woman strut her funky stuff against a nerdy, stuck-up black man for a change.)

But before opposites can attract, Maddie and James bring up something called the Rule

of Thor. Now that sounds

fun: Vikings! Pillaging!

Unfortunately, it turns out I had misheard, and the earnest clerks were discussing the Rule of Four, which helps determine which cases the court should review.

More painfully heavy-handed parallels spring up from the judicial issues. In a twist that nobody but nobody could have seen coming, the pair’s life eventually echoes a couple of the primo cases they’ve been arguing about.

All this drama completely lacks drama — which is weird, considering that a lawyer making an impassioned case is inherently theatrical.

Thiessen tries to inject levity in the legal-eagles plot by having Maddie and James quickly finish each other’s sentences in an attempt to emulate the volleys of screwball comedy. Alas, Garson Kanin, who scripted the classic feuding-lawyers comedy “Adam’s Rib,” he’s not.

The actors are just as removed from Hepburn and Tracy. Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Clarence Thomas would have more sexual chemistry than these two. They’re especially awkward in the music-montage scenes that Ron Russell, directing for Epic Theatre Ensemble, occasionally throws in.

By the time Maddie and James crawl to a resolution, it’s hard to even care what the verdict is.