This isn't a one liner, or even a joke, and certainly not funny, but I thought it belongs here:

Just off the presses: two philosophers got into a heated argument today, while discussing Kant in a Moscow suburb, and while the dialogue got heated, one of the participants whipped out a gun and shot the other philosopher. He is in critical condition.

[size=50][/size]Allone's Obe issance

In answer to your prayersincere, the centre ofyour circle here,i stand ; and , withouttaking thought,-i know nothing. But i can

Full well your need-asyou be menThis: Re-Creation. With abow,Then, your obedient

Equivicating always has class because it presents an opportunity for a way out. If you don't't like one side of the equation, you can always retreat to the other.Double meanings are often a comfort, because the intended meaning is made into a kind of humoresque, provided the intendee is not locked into one side of the equation presented by the intendor.

[size=50][/size]Allone's Obe issance

In answer to your prayersincere, the centre ofyour circle here,i stand ; and , withouttaking thought,-i know nothing. But i can

Full well your need-asyou be menThis: Re-Creation. With abow,Then, your obedient

A philosopher steps into a nail parlor and asks for a nail job. The girl looks at him and his long yellow nails and says "it's been a while since you've been here, isn't it?"So the philosopher says "no philosopher steps into the same nail parlor twice!"

A great joke. I made it up myself.

It is true that liberty is precious; so precious that it must be carefully rationed. ~ Владимир Ильич Ульянов Ленин

A travelling salesman of agricultural machinery was on a three week tour through the hinterlands of southern Arkansas and was visiting one particular farmer. He was standing, alongside of the farmer, leaning on the corral rail - as he always did before pitching "the new line of tractors" - and looking at all of the farm animals in the barnyard. Seeing one particular pig, he said: "Say, that sure is a fine hog, but, you know, I have never seen a pig with one wooden leg before." The farmer said: "You see, that there pig is one valuable animal, I can tell you. That there hog saved my life three times."

"The first time was about a month ago. My wife fried potatoes for supper, just the way I like them, and left the frying pan on the stove. About midnight or so, the pig must have smelled the smoke, but be broke out of his pen, butted the house door open with his snout, woke us up and we got out of the house just in time."

"And it wasn't but two weeks later and I was mowing on the back forty and I tipped the tractor over and it pinned me under the rear wheel. Gas was leaking out of the tank onto the hot manifold and that pig must have heard me yelling, because he broke out again, ran up to me, saw what had happened, ran to the neighbour, got help and the neighbour came with his tractor and pulled me free."

"And just last week, I was leading the old dairy bull out to pasture, and he raised up and pulled the ring out of his nose and, quick as two shakes of a dog's tail, he knocked me down. He jumped on me and straddled me with his horns and was about to gore me, when the old pig heard what was going on, broke out again, ran up, got a firm hold on the old bull's tail and I got away."

Losing his patience, the salesman finally shouted, "All right already, That's enough! He's a really great pig - a REALLY great pig! But what about his wooden leg?!"

"No son, ya see, a pig that special....you just don't eat him all at once."

If there were a leafy green vegetable that looks like miniature cabbage and is not part of the set of leafy green vegetables that look like miniature cabbage, but part of the set of all leafy green vegetable sets that don't look like miniature cabbages, what would it be called?

Those who do not see the humor think the comedian is mad. But there are different kinds of comedians who are comedians for different reasons. The type I refer to is the comedian who sees everything around him as a joke, not because everything is a joke or something that shouldn't be taken seriously, but because he can't make a serious affair out of something that doesn't recognize itself as the joke that it is. He is surrounded by the joke, cannot fix it, and cannot get away from it. A kind of impasse.

Once and if you understand this you reach a stage where there is nothing you can do to undo this joke, to make matters that should be serious, serious. So you 'kick what is already falling', as the moustache put it, not with malice or animosity but with a little harmless schadenfreude. Comedy is, I believe, the highest form of expression for the halcyon spirit in his relation to men, to the joke that most men are.

Ultimately the fundamental joke that is the case is only absurd.. not something that is really dangerous or compromising. This is why the comedian laughs rather than destroys; why destroy it? Let it live. Let it be your material. And let those who also have the halcyon spirit rally around this joke with you.

In the end there are only the comedians who laugh together at something they are powerless to make proper or correct. It is analogous to the laughter that erupts when your friend trips on a rock and falls on his face while hiking with you. He didn't really get hurt, but his clumsiness, his folly, demonstrates just how ridiculous he is in that moment.

Your friend is the symbol for what has become of man. That man has tripped isn't really a problem, but it does mean you can't take the hike seriously anymore. It can no longer be important that you get to the top because you won't get to the top with an idiot like this by your side, anyway.

The comedian is the one among men who keep tripping.

There is nothing left to do but take the matter lightly. Your friend won't understand this, just as the majority of men that have become a joke don't understand what they are. They believe they are making time and progress, and since you are stuck with these idiots, you can only make a comedy out of your situation among them.

The type of comedian I refer to is the kind of person who could be great, could be serious, but not so where, and with who, he is. At most, he can throw a nod at another comedian who is in the same situation somewhere else, and laugh with him.

The comedian will also always be misunderstood by those others. To them, they can only interpret the constant play of parody and mockery as a kind of resignation from what they believe, albeit wrongly, is really a serious matter. It could be a serious matter, but only without them, because they simply cannot get it right. They struggle to make work what cannot work for idiots of that kind. And they do this because they cannot know they are idiots. This fact belongs only to the comedian and is very sacred.

All of you are comedians, because at some point, somewhere, you will find yourself in this irresolvable situation with others. But you have to become capable of genuine laughter, godlike laughter. You have to understand the sheer absurdity of your place in that moment, and that there is nothing you can do about it but accept it in good spirit. The greater your exception, the louder your laughter gets. Your laughter is in proportion to the degree with which you could do better the things that have been so mangled by the idiots surrounding you. You cannot get out, so forget about trying. Learn to laugh, and find those few who can laugh with you.

nice to be back.waite..i was never out .i'm born and brought up in this section.

SO,how does it feel being outside.do charming bright smart fellows exist out there.do they also breath.

we jokes breed.

they say ....smart fellow are just born ..not by breed.

joke exist in each and every moment of my life.I thought my self to be mad..later, psychologist confirmed it!i'm schizophrenic they say.(thanks to RIGHTCLICK DICTIONARY, i got spelling right)

so, I'M SCHIZIOPRONIC PATIENT, i have tendency to smile very often and keep shaking head and also I keep talk(ing to myself!!) .

when i go for long walk ,i prefer calm place away from people gathering.

but somehow ,i come acros these circles on my way where i find crowd.

i have to be cautious.the region I come from is not so open minded based on gender.smile to opposite sex mean bad signal.

And also I am short sighted( can't see far away).

so, being cautious matters!!!

lady with her husband and kids walking from opposite direction towards me!!i smiled and shook head means something else.husband will be like ' who the fuck is he... why was he signalling you...'later , me not so good looking the husband is relieved thinking his women can't be after me!!!

After becoming schiziopronic, my looks have saved me.sometimes i have look of goon!!

i avoide staying in home when i'm about to start to talk to myself.i run out and return when calmes.it takes like 3-4 hour walk in morning and evening.

during my walk , I watch same fellows with fresh look and attitude in morning and tinder look and attitude in evening. In evening i'm most ignored.in early morning they try to maintain distance from mad fellow like me .in evening they are tired .. exhausted... with don't dare i fuck you LOOKS.then i'm the one who maintain distance from them.

I didn't knew that policing /patrolling fellow and other men have been returning reply smile to me from long time !!!sometime they just start to do the talk straight away as if we knew eachother.i 'm confused and can't say anything.in real , I HAVE NEVER SEEN THEM BEFORE!!!!MY IGNORANCE AND MY SHORT SIGHT HELPED ME DO THAT!!!