Tuesday, March 31, 2009

1965: Raquel Welch for Wate-On.

(click ad) Welch was definitely the leading pin-up poster woman of the late 1960s (She's the last pin-up Andy Dufresne has on his wall before escaping in Shawshank Redemption.). Here she is, as the copy states, prior to her first big role in A Swingin' Summer, hawking Wate-On's condensed food tablets and homogenized liquid emulsions. Her testimonial from Hollywood reads, in part:"Often we skip lunch and dinner and so, often I rely on Wate-On Emulsions and Tablets...for their weight sustaining calories."Coke wasn't that big yet in the 60s. My oh skinny-ass my, how times have changed. (image via Flickr) related: 1963 Chubbette Fashions ad.related: BIKINI KILL.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Ad Creep Update.

Tech Ad Watch: Microsoft's Moronic Monster Ball.

(click ad) Ad for Microsoft's Visual Studio Team System scanned from the latest Information Week. OK, cut me a little slack übergeeks, but what the hell is going on here in this cockamamie illustration? What, exactly, do the creatures represent? Viruses? Bugs? An evil competing development team? Why are the monsters wearing b-ball uniforms? Why are there only three of them? Did the rest of the monster squad foul out? Note the rack on the Asian female development team member to further draw in the (mostly) male software dev target audience. previously in: awful Microsoft ads. previously in awful tech ads: Intel's racism inside; QSOL's blowjob ad; SunGard's bridge to inanity.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Tree abuse in the name of Earth Hour.

(click images) Both instances were committed in Sydney, Australia. (L) It's a tree-shirt! Poor, ridiculous-looking majestic tree. By Leo Burnett. (R) Cardboard treehuggers! How cringe-worthy. And what an egregious waste of cardboard. By ad agency US Sydney. Did you do anything special for Earth Hour? I shut off one light, but not the TV. Sorry, Canadiens were playing. (images via)previously in: bad green marketing.

That's some feather duster.

(click flier) Well, it would appear that Ana's not a Brazilian house cleaner (hey-oh!). Flier spotted on the outside of a lower Broadway building near Bleecker Street. The design and cropping of that picture bring to mind (well, my perverted mind) a, uh, more specialized sort of house cleaning service. Or at least one from the 60s. This had to be done intentionally, right? Please back me up, people. Only one of the phone tabs was torn off.
previously in: funny NYC fliers.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: SharkAlliance.org

Hooker or Wife?

(click ad) WW II war bonds ad analysis time! Wife stealing from her hubby? Or prostitute stealing from her John? Clues: the woman has a bow in her hair, which points to wife. But the pants look like they could be Army issue, which points to prostitute. What's your call on this sexist plea for patriotism? (image via) previous racy retro ads: Penthouse, American Airlines, Interwoven men's socks, the Love Rug, AKAI—amateur porn is born,

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Amnesty International.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

1938: the first Pepsi can.

Which is the uglier design? The current Pepsi can, with the new logo/ad campaign baldly usurped from the current commie prez trying to pull the country out of an economic depression? Or the first Pepsi WD-40ish can, launched as another commie prez pulled the country out of another economic depression? Note the old can still had a twist off bottle cap. Also note that 12 ounces was "2 full glasses." Compare to today's 256 oz. Big Gulp America. (old can via) Previous Pepsi vintage ads. Previous Pepsi advertising missteps.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Ad Creep Update...

Two Incurious Cases of Benjamin Button-Appropriating Ads.

(click ads) L—Ad via Saatchi & Saatchi Sydney for Olay Total Effects anti-aging cream placed on the movie listings page of Time Out Sydney during the release of Benjamin Button. R—Ad via Canvas in Cape Town for I Care For My Body, a chain of cosmetic surgery spas in South Africa. I don't know who Belinda Botha is, and don't care. This one seems vulnerable to a law suit from Paramount. (images via)

Monday, March 23, 2009

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Bamboo skin whitening cream.

Chinese People Have Trouble Screwing, Too.

(click ad) As the People's Republic of China has become more of capitalist republic, more and more stupid Western metaphors have begun showing up in Chinese ads. Like this one for Durex Play lubricant. The clunky translated headline is "Fun Which You Need To Lubricate" (tk: their ad visual interpretation of "tight vagina"). While the ad is far from arousing, it gets its fucking point across—much like this unsubtle Chinese ICBM Viagra ad. (image via) previously inDurex ads. previously inLubricant ads.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Arby's.

(nsfw) Fake T*ts Used To Sell Bullsh*t Product.

(click ads) The ads, at least, are apparently real. Innoxa Skin Specialist is a neck and bust skin firming treatment formulated with Pepha®-Tight Marine Extract(?). Um, the firmness of these busts (the bride's certainly aren't real) has nothing to do with some specious skin treatment. Surprisingly, the South African creative team that hatched this predictable-as-a-boner print campaign is evidently female; that's the first time that's happened on copyranter's endless Worldwide Sexist Ad Tour. previously in: NSFW.

(click ad) "His name's Vlad. I like him, but he only wants to date me every 28 days..." You may say 'ewww,' but blood is blood to the undead. Not at all surprisingly, the creative team from Switzerland that dreamed up this bloodcurdling o.b. tampon ad is all-male. But at least, like this French shark-infested Tampax ad and unlike every American tampon ad ever made, they've acknowledged that blood does in fact come out of a cooter.previously in: tampon/pad ads.previously in: scary all-male creative team ads.update: The ad agency contacted me to report that this ad was never published. Also, a rep from o.b. responded in the comments.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Wildlife SOS

The original Real Doll from 1971. Deluxe model. Only $8.95.

(click ad to read the hard sell)The Love Maid, life-like in every detail. I know what you're thinking Mr. Skeptical Consumer: 'After I open up the box and blow her up, this is what she'll look like.' You could not be more wrong, sir. What was that? Eh, no, these are not photos of the actual Love Maid, but they are photos of the actual live model from which the doll was fashioned. "Judy" —a product of "experimentation and brain-storming"(?)—feels smooth and "almost too human." And for a mere four dollars more, you'll receive the Love Maid's wardrobe, including "ultra-feminine sleep attire for the long warm night ahead." And friend? For an extra sensual experience, what don't you pick up a Love Rug, too? (via)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Fitness First

Satanic Strawman makes me scared, not thirsty.

(click ad) Say hola to Nesteapheles, the demon ice god of thirst. The line there at the bottom of this ad loosely translates to: You Are What You Take (update: You Are What You Drink). Me thinks the Venezuelan creatives at Publicis who hatched this tubular boogeyman were taking microdots of lysergic acid diethylamide.Poll time! Which of these food/drink ad visuals is the scariest:1. the espresso scorpion.2. meat seasoning necrophilia.3. McDonald's devil finger fries.4. Subway's entrails sub.5. the Fanta strawberry tongue.6. or, this here Nestea incubus.

(alleged) sex lives of Mick and Madonna (et al) sell safe sex.

(click ads to read)MTV Brazil, who recently brought us these vintage porn AIDS awareness ads, takes major liberties here (including spelling liberties...Carmem? Kravtizs? Macconaughey?) with the hooking-up itineraries of many major stars to promote condom usage. The spelling errors point to these being fake ads, but full agency credits are listed at the source and, well, they're now on the Internet which makes them real enough. And, with that last line of the Jagger ad, MTV has confirmed one of the most salacious bits of shagging gossip in rock 'n roll history.Previously in MTV ads.

Law firm knows big words, doesn't know how to advertise.

(click ads to read) Webber Wentzel, a "leading South African law firm," apparently actually thinks that knowing made-up mega-words like hippopotomonstrosesquipedalian is a reason to retain their legal services; that it makes them more appealing to potential customers (lawyers do like to be viewed as wordsmithies). Are you guys a bunch of moronoimbecilidolts? Just taking the time to listen to one of your counselors say one of these words would cost me about 100 bucks in billings. The only good thing I can say about these ads is that they don't use stupid animal metaphors like seemingly every US law firm does. Related: wonder what their big word is for sexual harassment? (images via)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: PETA needs a good ad agency.

Dumb MENSA ad.

(click ad) Via Poland. Go ahead, try to figure it out. It took me a bit, because I suck at logic tests. But that's not the point. The point is: what's the fucking point of this ad? Are they trying to recruit members? Trying to promote themselves? Trying to incite hackers to destroy their website (if you're a hacker, I say go for it)? Previously in stupid ads for smart people: Barclays' dumb MENSA ad; The Economist tries childish drawings; Spanish newspaper El Pais invites you to play: What's wrong with this 9/11 photo? Nortel's horrible airport ad placement.

Monday, March 09, 2009

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: anti-littering ads.

...and feel crummy!

(click) Head-shaking advert from 1963 for the A line Skimmer dress by Chubbette® Fashions of Middlesex, NJ. Dummy adults could also send away for "Pounds And Personality," an advice book for parents of a chubby girl written by "a team of well-known authorities." (image via)previously in vintage ads.