The scary truth about what’s hurting our kids

In the past week, I’ve read several studies that are scary to me… it’s the scary truth about what’s hurting our kids. We all know that what our kids hear becomes their inner voice, but it’s hard to control what they hear from others, isn’t it?

CNN recently interviewed Dr. Jean Twenge, author of iGen and her interview worried me – because I saw the truth that I would be facing in just a few short years. Dr. Twenge started doing research 25 years ago on generational differences, but when 2011 -2012 hit, she saw something that would scare her to the core. This is the year when those having iPhones went over the 50% mark.

The results of that should scare all of us.

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This was the year that more kids started to say that they felt “sad, hopeless, useless… that they couldn’t do anything right (depression).”

They felt left-out and lonely.

There is a 50% increase in a clinical level depression between 2011-2015.

A substantial increase in suicide rate.Before I give you any more, I want you to look at these graphs and look at how the information correlates to the iPhones being released. They aren’t hanging out with friends nearly as much.

Why is this happening? Why are kids more depressed because of electronics?
Think about when we were in school – we didn’t know every time that there was a get-together that we weren’t invited to and we didn’t see pictures of each outing, game, or party.

We didn’t care what we looked like when we were hanging out with friends, because we were the only ones that were there- I can remember sitting around with my best friends in our sweatpants, just laughing – I didn’t wear makeup or care if I had my hair fixed just right, because the worry of a phone or camera wasn’t there.

Think about bullies. When we left the school, we left them. If teasing happened, it didn’t happen at home. It didn’t happen so publicly. Everyone couldn’t see it or know what they were teasing other kids about since they weren’t there. Now, it’s all public knowledge, and anyone can join in or watch. It’s horrifying.

I can’t imagine being a tween or teenager now. Although- as the parents of children, we have to believe it, because we have to help our children navigate it.

According to Victoria Prooday, Occupational Therapist & writer at YourOT.com, “There is a silent tragedy developing right now, in our homes, and it concerns our most precious jewels – our children… Researchers have been releasing alarming statistics on a sharp and steady increase in kids’ mental illness, which is now reaching epidemic proportions:

I couldn’t agree more. According to TIME.com, “Despite the rise in teen depression, the study, which analyzed data from the National Surveys on Drug Use and Health, reported that there wasn’t a corresponding increase in mental health treatment for adolescents and young adults. Researchers said this is an indication that there is a growing number of young people who are under-treated or not treated at all for their symptoms. ”

The article goes on to say that it’s not just teenagers, it’s young kids- in elementary school. “Counselors like Ellen Chance in Palm Beach say they see evidence that technology and online bullying are affecting kids’ mental health as young as fifth grade, particularly girls.

“I couldn’t tell you how many students are being malicious to each other over Instagram. “I’ve had cases where girls don’t to come to school, and they are cutting themselves and becoming severely depressed because they feel outcasted and targeted.” She says she now sees cutting incidents pretty much weekly at her elementary school, and while they vary in severity, it’s a signal that not all is right.”

What can we do about it?

Responsibilities increase their self-worth. Example: if you don’t set the table, we can’t eat. If you don’t wash your clothes, you will have nothing to wear tomorrow:
“To develop a high self-esteem a person needs a purpose. A key component to high self-esteem relies on how you view yourself regarding contribution. In other words, in the child development process, chores are a big role in a kid’s self-esteem.” ~Impact Parenting.

9. Don’t keep a lot of junk food in the house. Limit junk food & replace it with fruits & vegetables. If your child is picky, they can certainly find a fruit or vegetable that they like. (I’ve taught our kids to make smoothies, too, but they have to clean up after themselves, or they lose the privilege of using the blender… they LOVE to make them, so this is a consequence that they will not want to be placed on them).

11. Have a no-tech week and tell your kids to “go play!” Don’t feel the need to always play with them. My job, as a play therapist, is to teach parents how to play with their kids to help them, so while I always think that playing with your kids is a good idea, but I also want them to play alone. I want them to learn how to keep themselves entertained.

12. From the time that our kids were very young, I gave them time to entertain themselves, and now they are able to find ways to keep themselves busy (drawing, playing, building, etc..)

13. Don’t rescue your kids. Here’s a recent example that happened in our house:
I’ve started having our kids pack their lunches (with my supervision), but yesterday one of our sons decided to wait.. .and wait… and wait. When it was down to 10 minutes before leaving, he asked me to pack it. I said no, and he then asked for lunch money. I said, “I think it’s upstairs in your piggy bank if you have some in there.” His face said it all. I wasn’t going to buy him out of this. It was his responsibility.

It is NEVER easy to teach our kids these lessons, but they serve our kids well. He quickly made himself lunch and was on his way. He learned a valuable life lesson about preparing himself for the day.

14. Talk to your kids about why they need to come to you if something is wrong. I talk to our kids about all of this, and they know that I would do anything to help them. I say it daily… “If you are ever feeling sad or left out about something and it becomes too big for you to handle easily, come to me.”

Yes, it’s a lot to tell them, but it is the truth. I need them to know it. It’s not a joking matter, and it’s not one to take lightly. Talk to your kids TODAY.

15. Make a rule with yourself that you will limit YOUR online distractions when your kids are home. Set a time that you can put electronics away… for example: Make 3:30-9:00 a no-tech time for you, the parent. (or whatever hours your kids are home). It will not only benefit your kids, but it will help you, too.

Yes, it’s the scary truth about what’s hurting our kids, but we have the power to help.

About Becky (Your Modern Family)

Hi! I'm Becky Mansfield ~ founder of Your Modern Family. I am the wife to Mickey & the mom to four little blessings! I am a teacher turned play therapist and stay at home Mom. I love to share my organization tips, kid ideas, money-saving tips and recipes with you.

Comments

This is not just an issue for children. Look at all the adults on their phones not even looking at each other or sometimes where they are walking. I have a smart phone and I do use it. But look around just about anywhere and you will see a lot of people glued to their phones. I agree it does affect kids but also adults. I think it affects kids more since they are still growing and learning. If kids see their parents or other adults or their friends, they will copy them.

I miss my daughter. Great article. My younger daughter lives about 2 hours away and wanted me to come over. She was lonely. So I drove over and got there by 2PM. She sat with me and texted for 45 minutes before I finally got up and said, well I have to get going now so I won’t hit rush hour. She said she just had to reply to some texts and then was going to talk with me. She missed me so much and was so upset, but I told her I had to leave at three. So I hugged her and cried all the way home.

This is the best and most helpful article! You have pointed out so many wise tips that should really just be common sense but maybe we forget about as modern day parents trying to keep up with the hustle and bustle of everything. Sometimes life gets overwhelming, managing work and family, keeping up with the Jones’s, and keeping our children happy and healthy at the same time… well, whew!!! But you are so right! Let’s bring things back to basics. Back to face to face time, human interaction, valuable time and communication, and the good outdoors. It’s not complicated or time consuming either. Your calendar of activities is a great example of fun, inexpensive, and stress free ideas. Plus all that time without the electronics will actually amaze people with the time they have for other things! All the best.

I am a teacher and parent of two boys younger than 4….this is all so sad and true. I want to share this very much! Is there any way I could get this blog post in a printable format with the links listed at the end? I would love to share this with my student’s parents at conference time! Thanks.

I had 3 kids in 4 years in the late 90’s. We used to turn the TV off for 1 month in the summer, cancel our satellite subscription. We still have the old videos on the VCR to watch if they were desperate, Then we had a list on the back of the bedroom door of cool things we wanted to do, bike to a certain place, have a epic water fight, picnic, build a fort. And we would try and cross off as many as we could over the summer. Those were great years. We didn’t let them get phones until they were 16 and I have never paid a cent toward a phone for them. I don’t own a phone. We camped for family vacations. We lived in the country. We ate supper around the table every night without the TV on. But for us it didn’t work, my children think that how everyone else is living is better. That life of party’s and drugs is more fun. and now they are glued to their phones. I thought t we were in touch and aware, we were here, we were present. But now I have addiction and mental health living in my house where my children were.

While I am certain that technology and the age of anonymous cyber bullies has played a part in childhood depression why is no one talking about the age of Teach-to-Test that all happened about the same time when schools drastically changed to teach for testing and many dropped important education like the arts and real literature based curriculum?

When we give our kids a chance to fail – in small ways, like the lunch example mentioned here – we make them stronger. How else do they learn to stand on their own 2 feet? We have to give them increasing amounts of responsibility so they can grow.

Also, teaching them why we are limiting screen time will help get them on board with healthy use of electronics. If they know the reasons (in as much detail as they can understand at their age level), they will find it easier to accept.

I agree wholeheartedly. It is a good example of how the things we read on the internet makes us, and are children, feel inadequate -that what we do is never good enough. This could have been written in a different way, rather than ‘you’re doing this wrong’ and ‘hey look how I do it with my kids- clearly I’m perfect and you’re not’ . This isn’t meant to be a nasty post, just some constructive criticism. If you are writing about how the things we hear and read become our inner voice, then make sure the inner voice you will therefore inevitably become, isn’t a negative one.

Hi, I'm Becky Mansfield!

Founder of Your Modern Family. I am the wife to Mickey & the mom to four little blessings! I am a teacher turned play therapist and stay at home Mom. I love to share my organization tips, kid ideas, money-saving tips and recipes with you. More About Becky...

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Hi, I'm Becky Mansfield!

Founder of Your Modern Family. I am the wife to Mickey & the mom to four little blessings! I am a teacher turned play therapist and stay at home Mom. I love to share my organization tips, kid ideas, money-saving tips and recipes with you. More About Becky...