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The Lowdown on The Throwdown

Warning: This post is going to be full of potentially offensive language. If you are bothered by this, come back tomorrow. I usually try to keep it clean, but not today.

I was in such a good mood this morning. It's been a rough week, it was finally Friday, I was caught up at The Asylum and ready to sleep in tomorrow morning.

I should have known better.

A couple of weeks ago, Bossman offered to help me get all my filing caught up. Those months when he was only working three weeks and taking one week of mandatory furlough, stuff like filing, keeping emails answered etc, fell behind and kind of snowballed. I knew it was bad, but I was doing the best I could to keep things caught up. If you'll recall, the other three weeks of the month I was only working 30 hours.

Anywho, when he offered to help I jumped at it. Finally, a glimmer of humanity in the old asshole. After he tackled the pile of orders I had stacked in the corner, I could see daylight. Since then, I've gotten everything caught up, moved filing cabinets, re-arranged and gotten so feckin' organized, Martha Stewart wants to be my bitch.

So when I got called to the GM's office this morning, I wasn't expecting the ass reaming I received.

Bossman sat with a stack of "documentation" in his lap. The GM proceeded to inform me that Bossman wanted to review some of my performance issues.

He said that I was late to work every morning.. then back tracked and said I'd been late a few mornings lately. I admit, I came strolling in at 8:02 a few times last week. We're due in at 8:00. So yeah... dock me for four minutes.. whatever.

He also said I spend a "long time" talking to Lulu every morning and that I have breakfast at my desk... that I do nothing for the first hour that I'm at work.

Bullshit.

Everything I said, he whipped out a paper and read from it, shit I did six months ago, asking me if I deny saying what the hell ever.

Pardon the fuck out of me but.. if you had a problem with something I did six months ago, then you should have said something six months ago.

I'm so pissed off. Ya'll have no idea.

My favorite part was when he said I was hanging out in Lulu's office "all the time." I pointed out that I NEVER went to her office, I was always at my desk working. If they didn't want everyone stopping and talking to me when they went down the hall, then maybe they should move me to an office instead of making me the one and only cubicle dweller left sitting IN THE DAMN HALL.

So then he says, and this is priceless ya'll, "What about that time a few weeks ago when the power went out, you sat in Lulu's office instead of filing."

I'll just let ya'll read that one again and think on it a second.

I told him, everyone else here takes breaks, goes walking, outside to smoke, but I don't take breaks. I'm always right here at my desk. So then he goes off on this "scheduled 10 minute break" tangent. We've never had scheduled breaks. Ever. When I pointed this out, he rolled his beady little eyes and whipped out another piece of paper, highlighted, and waved it around asking if I'd seen it.

"This clearly states that you're to take two ten minute breaks a day."

I told him, I'd never seen that memo before and asked when he wrote it.

"Oh I didn't write it, it was in my desk when I came here. But you should be following the duties outlined on this sheet"

I may or may not have made reference to my psychic powers being just a rumor and if he had instructions for me to follow, he needed to actually give me the damn list, if it wasn't too much trouble.

Then? He went all apeshit on my filing being behind. I told him, right to his face that I thought he was being helpful, that I wouldn't have accepted his help if I'd known he was going to throw it in my face. I also told him that was pretty damn cold move on his part.

When he got so pissed off that he was jerking all over like a Archie Bunker bobble head doll, he whipped out a copy of an email I'd sent. Oh, did I mention that he came in at 7 this morning and read all my emails? Anyways, Tiny had been working on setting up a computer for Lulu while hers was in the shop and had asked me to send a test email.

It may or may not have referenced Bossman being so cheerful he was shooting magic fairy dust out his ass.

And there, holding that paper in the middle of the ass chewing, I got tickled. And Bossman turned beet red. I told him I thought it was funny.

"Well I did not. I did not appreciate it," he said.

"It's no where near as bad as what I've heard you say out loud about everyone else in this office." Now I was glaring, threatening. He was sweating it. I was thinking, "Do you really want me to mention your wanting to rip off Henny Penny's head and shit down her neck? Do you really want to get into THAT pissing contest with me?"

By the time it was over, I was told that I wouldn't be fired today, that they needed to "discuss" some things. That really means, call corporate and talk to the attorney, with whom I had a lengthy conversation the last time the GM had sexual harassment charges brought against him.

It's nearly midnight and I'm still so pissed I could spit horseshoes. I was totally blindsided with his notes from shit that happened over a year ago. Now that I've had time to think about all that was said, I think I'm going to type up an explanation of how I remember the situation. I'll politely explain my side and ask that it be filed with Bossman's notes. I will also start keeping notes of my own. I'll have time, since I won't be talking to anyone else in the office.

I could be wrong, but I honestly don't think I'll get fired. I do know that I don't want to spend another day sitting in my office bawling like a big dumbass because I allowed that shithead to intimidate me.