A Capitalist and a Socialist Walk into a Bar

A Capitalist and a Socialist walk into a bar. The Capitalist orders a beer, paying for it with a $1,000 bill, all while the socialist counts the change in his pocket to make sure he can afford one.

Upon noticing the Capitalist’s extra money, the Socialist proclaims that the Capitalist should pay for everyone’s beer.

The Capitalist asks him why.

The Socialist explains that he’s a Socialist, and according to his beliefs, since the Capitalist clearly has enough money to do so, he should pay for everyone’s beer, adding, “it is only fair given that $5 to us is like pennies to you, sir. Why should you have all of that unused money while we sit here and suffer?”

The Capitalist nods and thinks for a while. He took a sip of his beer and says, “you know, I’ve worked my whole life to amass my wealth. Yes, at times I’ve had help, and while we can certainly never know if I could have done it without that help, that is still my story, and it wouldn’t have been possible without capitalism.”

The Socialist’s face goes crimson with anger, “how dare you speak so fondly of Capitalism, it is the system of greed”-

The Capitalist interrupts him, continuing, “I didn’t come here to argue politics with you. I believe in Capitalism, but I also believe in peace and quiet. That is why I am going to give you the rest of my change, $995 dollars, as a form of payment to shut the hell up. You can apply your Socialist ways to it if you wish. I, however, will take no part in it.”

The Capitalist hands him the money and retires to a booth in the back, leaving the Socialist at the bar.

The Bartender fixes up a few glasses, “So, what’s everyone drinking, Mr. Socialist?”

The Socialist fans through the money, “Everyone? Screw them. I’m a Capitalist now.”