Six years old

My first little girl turns 6 on Sunday. I can remember the moment she was born so clearly. I can remember the doctor laying her in my arms after what seemed like forever and that realization that we got to take her home with us. I was forever responsible for this little life. What a scary and surreal moment.

I question my decisions every day. The little things- should I really send another Uncrustable in her lunch this week instead of a nice, healthy home made sandwich? (the answer to that one after a sleepless night was a loud yes) as much as the big ones- am I letting her become her own person, am I spending enough one on one time with her, does she feel safe and secure?

Every mom does this, I know, but there is something about your first born that makes you question it all a little more. This time last year we made the decision not to start kindergarten yet. She made the cut off, but barely. She was shy, still very unsure of new situations, and her confidence needed a little boost. I might not always make the best decisions with what to pack in her lunchbox, but holding her back a year was definitely one of the best ones we have made.

This six year old girl is about a thousand times more confident than the 5 year old I remember last year. She was actually disappointed to hear they didn’t stay at school for lunch the first few weeks of school and has asked several times if she could stay for daycare after school some time.

But at night, when we tuck her into bed, she still requires the same routine she has needed for years to fall asleep. A story, a kiss, snug as a bug tuck in and a loud “MWAAH Mommy!!”. If I don’t respond back with “MWAAH!” or if some part of the routine was not quite perfect we have to start over. That’s the baby in her coming out, and when she shows up next to my bedside in the middle of the night because she had a bad dream or when I find her sleeping on the bottom bunk with her little sister the next morning it makes me feel good. My baby is still in there.

She has the biggest heart, always concerned about her sisters, especially Madison. If she gets a treat at school the first thing she does when she gets home is shares it with her little sister. Melts my heart every time.

This weekend we will celebrate. She opted for a family party this year with a special outing instead of a big friend party, so we will see where that takes us. Her one big request was dinner at Shogun. She has mastered chopsticks and wants to show off her new skill to the rest of the family.

Happy birthday my sweet little girl. I love you more than you will ever know.