One day I woke up and realized I'm not a baby nurse anymore. I'm not even a young nurse. I'm a real adult who has now been doing this for years, and I'm definitely expected to know what I'm doing at all times. And that's fucking terrifying.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Hold on.

This is the second time in six months someone I've known has committed suicide. I would lie and say I can't even fathom the desperation that someone must feel to do such a thing, but the truth is that there have been two instances in my life where for a split second I felt that desperation. The difference between me and them is after a few moments of feeling that awful lowness, I was able to see through to the other side - it was far off, and not an easy place to get to, but I could see it. These two friends, they couldn't see that far.

It breaks my heart. Two good people gone forever, and two worlds of family and friends who are forever changed. I know others have posted before about this same subject, most recently Shepherd of the Gurneys. There isn't really anything I can add to whats been said already.

But seriously. If you ever find yourself facing this same desperation, please know that there is an end to the tunnel. It might be a long way off, and it will be a difficult journey, but there is another side. Nothing anyone can say will make it instantly better, but please. Just hold on a while longer. There is hope.

6 comments:

On the day that I was diagnosed with breast cancer one of my close friend's brother killed himself. He was driving a police car at the time, so it was all over the news. I heard about it on the radio while I was driving home. My friend returned to work on the day I was leaving to go on disability. I will never forget the pain he was in. Anytime I get to that point, I remember my friend on that day. That was 10 years ago and I still tear up when I think about it.

I don't understand how you could link to such a thing as Shepard Gurney's post and expect people to think you really care about the issues that make them suicidal.

Not having a place sleep or food to eat or being able to find or keep a job are a few of the main reasons why people commit suicide. When those people do what they can to survive, they're treated as if they're trying to scam the system or they somehow have better options. They run into people who are supposed to be _caregivers_ but have the attitude that "the best prescription for you is about 5 minutes of crotch-kicking and a gratuitous measure of bitch-slaps."

How can you expect people you know to have hope for something better when you propagate this sentiment?

@anon- I dunno, probably because I've been called a cunt one too many times when trying to discharge the chronic toe pain patient who pulls the "I'm suicidal" card so they can stay in the ER and get more vicodin.

The ones who mean it? They get help. The ones who are attention seeking and refuse all social work help but state "bitch go get me some of those meal trays and a ginger ale" are the ones who would benefit from five minutes of crotch kicking.

But again, what do I know. I only write a ridiculous ER blog about how much I hate everything. I can't possibly have real emotions or care about people, because internet omgz.

This is probably the same anonymous troll whose inane diaper spackle I deleted a few days ago shortly after it was posted. So now It is picking on you on your blog.

Feel free to use that delete key, rather than feeding these internet miscreants. Let them vex someone else in cyberspace. The alternative is to try and give them in a post or two what 13 years of publicly-funded K-12 education manifestly failed to provide: basic intelligent reasoning skills.

Suicidal act is often committed in response to a cause of depression, such as the cessation of a romantic relationship, serious illness or injury (like the loss of a limb or blindness), the death of a loved one, financial problems or poverty, guilt or fear of getting caught for something the person did, drug abuse, old age, concerns with sexual identity (that is, wanting to be a member of the opposite sex), among others.

Additionally, more than 90% of all suicides are related to a mood disorder, such as bipolar disorder, or other psychiatric illnesses, such as schizophrenia.

So this one time I made a blogfriend who also likes beer, youtube videos of kittehs, facial hair, and the F word. Now Hood Nurse is a guest blogger on here! The internetz are funny like that sometimes.

140 characters of snark

DISCLAIMER

HIPAA. Trust and believe, these stories are halfway made-up and halfway made up of lots of other stories. I will protect patient privacy like it's my job. Because it is.

Most of the photos showing mundane things are ones I took. If not, they're from google search. Ain't no real patient pictures up here, folks.

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