Exploring the Mysteries ~ Lynn Paterson

Awareness

What is there inside that is not Love?
Look inside
Look carefully
Look again, there!
Is this not of Love, this part denied?
Please, look again with new eyes,
Real eyes
There is nothing within that is not of Love,
Realise
Who looks inside awakens to the Truth.

The River of Life

In my distress I sat by the waterfall pool. Here, I asked the River of Life to wash away my sins.She said, “I cannot wash away what is not there.”So instead I asked her to being me an abundance of Love and Riches for I felt acutely impoverished.“I cannot bring you that which you already are.” In tears now, I pleaded, “Then show me this as I cannot see it in myself!”She replied, “This I can indeed do. Find yourself a deep, still pool and gaze into the depths of the water until you can no longer see your reflection. It is there you will know your soul.”

What does consciousness mean, what does it mean to be conscious of self? Do animals have a sense of self? Some certainly seem to have, and others seem to be developing a sense of self as a separate entity. Alongside this age old topic of contemplation of wonder, or fascination, is that of AI, artificial intelligence. Will AI ever develop a sense of itself? I can hardly think it wouldn’t as my understanding of Consciousness, is that there is that which remembers itself to be Consciousness and that which does not. That which remembers itself is always acting upon that which is does not. However, having said that, I am aware that my descriptive is linear, and Consciousness is not linear, nor can something really act upon itself, it just seems to do that at one level of reality.

It is like asking What is not of Love? There is this or that, and anything that I determine is not of Love is therefore cast out of what I consider Love to be. This is purely an individual experience, and I reject and judge anything I consider unworthy or unlovable. I have simply created a separation in my mind, for All is Love, and there is nothing outside of that. Even the most horrific thing is Love when seen from an inclusive perspective. That doesn’t mean I like it, it only means I’m not in denial of what it is. It’s only when I stop resisting something does it lose its reality. This is of course a huge topic and one which I’m only using here as a little introduction into sharing a very short story on the topic of what is Consciousness.

The Lady and The Orchids

Once upon a time, there was a lady, a very kind lady who was exceptionally sensitive to the intelligences of other beings such as faeries, plants, rocks, water and other spirits of nature and all the elemental beings. She has the gift of hearing and understanding them, and they understand her too.

She lived on an island in the Pacific, high up overlooking the sea. Her home was beautiful and she filled it with family treasures and those she collected on her travels. She also loved animals and plants and these were a source of much joy and fun for her – they were her company now as all of her natural human family had either passed or moved far away.

She travelled a great deal, feeling the calling of the spirits of nature and ancient stories enticing her over to the Celtic Lands such as Scotland. Sometimes she was away for months at a time in her studies and nature immersions. Her house needed to be looked after when she was away, animals and plants all needed taking care of. On shorter trips someone called in daily and longer ones she had someone stay there.

On shorter trips she would bring all her orchid plants into the kitchen for easy watering and care by a friend. She’d place them on a work surface on capillary matting which was watered and thus it required less attention. She was doing just that on one shorter holiday and had brought her beautiful orchids and placed them on the matting and was counting them to make sure she hadn’t forgotten any of them when her attention was caught by a strange, high pitched, very squeaky little sound. She listened.

It was calling to her, “Me too, me too…don’t forget me!” She was confused, she was certain she had all her orchids there and what’s more, she didn’t recognise this very strange voice which was not at all like the voice or sounds that she usually associated with the orchid plants.

Counting her plants she could find no one missing and still confused she went in search of the voice, honing in and allowing the sound to draw her towards it until she heard it quite clearly, very close to her and in her amazement, she saw not a real orchid at all, but an artificial one! Incredulous and not at all understanding how this could be, she talked with the voice and asked what it wanted. It was very simple; it wanted to go with the others! It didn’t want to be left alone and wanted only to be in company. As it told her this she remembered the reason she bought it was to keep another orchid company…this other orchid was in a place where orchids before had not really liked, so she got an artificial one rather than put a ‘live’ one there. It had worked quite well and the live orchid was in fact doing far better since she got the artificial one.

With a sense of wonder and awe, she spoke Love to the orchid and gently carried and placed it with the others on the capillary matting.

The End. And The Beginning.

Everything wants to be real and is doing the best it possibly can. Every thing is of the One and has potential for life, for what is there but life? How can not life come from life? Each thing that is designed has a blueprint, and that blueprint is devoted to ensuring it reach its potential. A margarine carton wants to be the best margarine carton it can be. Another term for ‘blueprint’ is ‘guardian angel’ or in the case of plants, ‘deva’. It is this intelligence that whispers ‘grow’ to the plant.

The Dilemma of Decisions!!! Always a toughie for me, having sun in Pisces is only part of my excuse!

There have been times for me when decisions are not part of my reality. It’s when I’m completely in my centre there are no questions per se, and so not choice or decision is required – I just know. I wish it was like that all the time because when it’s not, this feeling of being split between one thing and another is not really a pleasant experience soI asked for guidance on it. This is what I got:

Until you have chosen yourself there will always be a decision to be made between this or that. When the self is chosen, then all other choices are no more.

Until you have chosen yourself, there will always be a dilemma of choosing one thing over another. Once you have chosen yourself, no other choice is necessary as you are able to see the ‘both’ ‘and’ rather the ‘either/or’.

Well it seems pretty simply on the face of it?! I think it can be interpreted in quite a few ways actually. I’ll leave that to you.

Lynn Paterson and Peter Choi are delighted to invite you to join them on retreat in France from 3rd September 2018. This Adevoiler retreat is in 2 parts and both English and French will be spoken. You can choose the first week only or choose to join for the second week as well. Due to the close proximity to the event we’re asking anyone interested to act very quickly.

The inspiration for this retreat is to invite others to join us in continuing our exploration based upon our experience last September, 2017. ​
​
From exploring the mysteries of the exterior to the mystery of the interior. Exploring the energy of source in nature and exploring the source in the feminine. Allowing Nature to inform us of deep truths about ourselves and the nature of our place, our role, in the world.

A series of exercises will be intermixed with a series of nature and site visits to progressively unveil what is the mystery … what is it that prevents us from seeing beyond the mystery?

In allowing the veil to lift, to dissolve, we allow ourselves to contact the reality through sensation, perception and illusions. Part of the aim of the exploration is to re-connect our senses to our consciousness to explore pleasures that are sovereign. In this way we give ourselves permission to be and express ourselves.

Together the group will co-create and live a journey of unveiling to see beyond what we see and to touch beyond what we touch…

The first part is from 3-10 September2018 and we will be re-tracing some of the steps of last year. Here we will be focusing primarily on the cathedral sites of Chartres and Orleans, the famous gardens at Giverny (I was there in June this year and it’s fabulous.) We also plan to walk the labyrinth at Chartres – labyrinths have long been known as a mysterious gateway to finding deeper truths.

Location – Les Molieires, Île-de-France. It’s less than an hour to Chartres form here. Accommodation is in shared rooms in a large private home on the edge of a village in the countryside. We anticipate the costs for the first part (3-10 Sept – 7 nights) to be in the region of £70 per night per person to include accommodation, meals and shared car hire. It will be a little less if all places are filled. Both English and French will be spoken and we have a translator. Meals will be simple and wholesome – preparation will be a shared endeavour.

In the second part 11-14 September, 2018, Peter and Lynn invite you to join us as we continue down into the Loire Valley. We will go deeper into the unveiling process with visits around the Loire Valley and giving more time to the indoor work. Visits we intend (not limited to) will include Chateau Chenonceau – a simply stunning chateau on water with its incredible gardens and huge trees it makes for fabulous outing…plus we hope to find ourselves another labyrinth! Also we will have time in nature and space to integrate.

Location – Loire Valley – As the retreat is a co-creative endeavour we will only book accommodation once we know how many wish to join us. We estimate the costs for the second part (10-14 Sept – 4 nights) will be similar per night per person to the first week. – It’s not possible to attend only the second week.​

General Information

The Retreat is for a maximum of 12 participants and a minimum of 6, plus us two. Open to singles and couples. If you’re interested the first step is to complete the CONTACT FORM telling us a little about you, adding any questions… and we’ll be in touch very soon.

We suggest reading through the series of articles FRANCE PILGRIMAGES Lynn has written following her experience in France last year as this will give much information through words, and much more through the spaces in-between. It’s a long read so please don’t wait till you’ve read it to book as time is passing quickly!

Please note: this is not a usual facilitator led group – Peter and Lynn are here to share their experiences and skills etc. in a group format because we love to share what fascinates, intrigues and helps us. There is no charge for facilitation; the cost of the retreat is to cover expenses only. The group we create together is to enhance personal sovereignty – not to diminish it. A big part of our aim is to allow personal space, personal expression, and personal experience for each individual – it is much more desirable for all to be themselves…this retreat will be providing space in which we can be ourselves as individuals and as a group. All participants must be comfortable with deeper work and capable of facing their inner issues in a mature and self-responsible manner.

Transport – flights etc. not included. Car hire is suggested on a shared or individual basis (we trust it to work out between the group as bookings progress). Please ask about travel arrangements – we are delighted to help and don’t want the travel to be a problem for anyone who wants to join us.

Both English and French will be spoken and we have a translator. Meals will be simple and wholesome – preparation will be a shared endeavour. Restricted diets can be self-prepared.

I am the sacred breath
Allow me to breathe you
Feel me as a pulsation …
A sphere, pulsing from your heart as centre

I am that which cannot be contained
for I am the container also.
I am you, though you are not me

Ancient and Futuristic
Unconditionality of Being
Eternal Breath!

Breathe yourself into existence
Breathe yourself into Being
Breathe yourself into individuation
Breathe yourself into the past now
Breathe yourself into the future now
Breathe yourself into the present now
Breathe yourself into the internal now
Breathe yourself into the eternal now
Breathe yourself into the eternal internal NOW

Don’t wait, do it now…take one breath, and another…
Breathe yourself into Love
Breathe Love into yourself
Breathe Love
Love is the breath
Breathe Love into your life

The Harmonic motion
of potential function
is
your pulsing Heart sphere
of Love

Dear Reader, thank you for visiting. This blog is a continuation of my story about journeys and experiences in France. The story has taken longer to write about than the actual time in France! This is because the story is actually woven into a very large part of my life and is evidence of how spirituality and awareness unfolds and expands in the living mystery school we call life … you can find all the parts on the France Pilgrimages menu tab.

Rennes-les-BainsPeter and I had taken a long journey in many senses of the word to get here. There was a sense of home-coming and some relief at reaching Rennes-Les-Bains. We both had our own as well as shared memories and I think we were feeling the sense of the great wheel turning on being back here. For me it was bitter-sweet to be back here with the memories of exactly 3 years ago in 2014. So much of my life experiences are connected to this place; it seems that Rennes-Les-Bains is somehow acting like a pivot around which much has turned. We arrived mid evening and found our accommodation to be quite basic, or even a little grim in fact. It’s a small village and there seems to be a dearth of nice self-catering places to stay but never mind, it was in a great location only steps away from the main square and frankly, it was enough just to be here.

Rennes-les-Bains is of course deep in the well-known mystery that surrounds the area and the village of Rennes-les-Château. For me though the area now is much more about the deeper mystery of the eternal feminine.

We had booked 3 nights here and were looking forward to relaxing, travelling little and allowing things to organically unfold. I had a mystery to follow; that of discovering the source of the salty River Sals which runs through the area. This river is where Magdalene was said to carry out baptisms, in the Fontaine d’amour (and you can see my photos from the 2014 retreat in the first part of this blog series). The subject of salt, and source, had come intuitively to me during the inner instruction I received about re-visiting France again in 2017. Though it was a rather sparse, vague intimation, I knew immediately that it was a deep and significant intimidation of many layers and felt too it was connected with the River Sals.

I knew that the reference to salt was also about the alchemy and metaphysical subject of salt and I have carried out a good deal of research and searching on this and at the same time I am aware that it is often better to leave aside looking into what others have written or discovered about salt as this does create preconception. I know that direct experiential insight, ‘knowing’ is in fact a far more powerful experience and learning for me than any research I might have done. The reference to salt was not new to me either as on and off for some years now I had pondered on salt and the deeper meanings/function of it for some years. In particular this quote from the bible was something that I kept on coming across:

“Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can you make it salty again?”

Since I first became aware of the quote I wondered about it and it now rings so true for me for I know I lost much of my flavour over the past few years and this trip was working to restore it in a multi-dimensional way.

This more recent salt/source intimation was somewhat ‘validated’ during a conversation I had with an acquaintance who guides people around the area and appeared to have made a similar connection. My agenda for Rennes-Les-Bains therefore was to find the source of the Sals!

A Magical Meeting

The next day was another beautiful sunny day and after a lazy morning we headed to the square. We ordered a pizza and beer and reminisced about the extraordinary coincidences of 2014 dining there with Taj and each spotting an acquaintance we knew, who were actually dining together!

We were also chatting about the source of the Sals and doing some internet searching on the topic. I had just been talking to Peter about a friend Marie, whose house we almost stayed in 3 years ago, might know the location as her house was in Sougraine, the village just beyond Rennes and where the river would be sourced above. Though she no longer lived in the area I was about to message her and at that moment my attention was drawn to the sound of a car door shutting and I watched as a lovely woman jauntily moved down the street and into the square. Now I had only met Marie the once, but this looked very like her. I just stared as she passed, incredulous and yet not believing it could be her – I meant here are coincidences and synchronicities but really? Anyway, she passed me by without recognition and went into a house in the square…I sent the text anyway.

Five minutes later, as I was watching the house in the corner she emerged without her sunglasses, I had also removed mine. There was no doubt now that it was Marie! As it usual in these serendipitous moments we were both delighted and somewhat awestruck, even slightly overwhelmed at the odds of it happening and we had a sweet, tearful reunion. She was only here for another hour and had been visiting her daughter in another village and popped into Rennes to see an old friend. Marie now lived in Berlin and had an hour before leaving to catch her flight back.

Though she had no clue about the source of the river Sals, both Peter and I had at the moment Marie came over, simultaneously found the same site on the internet which gave precise directions to the source. Marie’s surname sounds like river (I won’t give the actual spelling to protect her identity) and of course, her first name is Mary.

All this is what I nowadays refer to ‘resonance’ happening – I used to think of it as synchronicity until an experience a few years ago changed the way I interpret reality and I began to move from seeing events as cause and effect to seeing reality created through sympathetic vibrational resonance. (See this blog for more on resonance) When things/events became so inter-linked that I couldn’t make sense anymore about how such unlikely things could be happening, I had to find another explanation, as cause and effect were simply too limited to explain the reality I was experiencing. Once I began to see events through the eyes of resonance, it became a lot easier to understand how even the most outrageous of synchronicities and coincidences happen, and to some extent, it removed a large part of the mystery, some might say magic, of such experience. This is only part of the case as along with understanding of how we create reality comes peace. However there is no doubt that the ‘entertainment’ value of synchronicities, the fascination in them, starts to diminish once you see how resonance works in the creation of reality.

It is true that the whole of the France trip itself including the planning and aftermath was an experience of resonance at work and this worked like a spiral, gradually becoming more obvious and powerful as we reached the centre, which was Rennes-les-Bains in 2017 just as it was for me in 2014. When I’m there it feels like I am in the centre point of a gravitational pull where the veil is so thin, where there is no time between cause and effect and simple imagining can makes things happen almost instantaneously.

Here in the Languedoc we knew we were at the centre; the deepest, most southerly part of our journey geographically, literally and emotionally. Our activities here were to be deep in nature, springs, mountains, rivers, cave…deep earthly experiences and deep in body, relaxing, massage, resting. We had all in all 5 days in the south after which it was our turn around to head north and east. Right now though we were heading in the beautiful sunshine out on a short journey to Sougraine area to find the salty source which we were happy to discover was very easy to find thanks to the blog. (There’s some great information on the salty source on this blog.)

The Salty SourceLike the blog authors we left the car at the bottom and hoofed it up; it was a lovely walk up beside the river through mountain pasture and I was grateful for the shade of the trees as it was still pretty hot plus I was tired from the journey and lack of sleeping well. We reached a car parking area and found a track up through the woods which opened out onto the clearing and here was the salty source which bubbles up from the ground. All my fatigue instantly vanished and I felt renewed just being here; I felt such joy, peace and comfort being here. I had a lightness of spirit and soul and I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to stay overnight, to camp out under the stars, and I wanted to bring others here to, just to simply be and soak up the energy of the place.

“Have salt among yourselves, and be at peace with each other” (Mark 9:50b)

This is a quote I just found in the bible (honestly, I hardly know the bible yet it is proving a very interesting source of meaningful and appropriate salty quotes, not to mention giving me some new and deeper interpretations to chew upon.)

We had fun there, like children exploring. We tasted the water and were so astonished at how incredibly salty it was! Apparently at times it can be twice as salty as the Mediterranean and I can easily believe that. We marvelled at how green the algae in the salty water was – how did it manage to grown in such a saline environment? We scrambled up to the source itself, bubbling magically out of the ground through rocks, coming down from Mt Bugarach (which is in itself known as a mysterious, sacred mountain.) A couple of tourists arrived and we had a brief and pleasant conversation with the older lady marvelling at the saltiness; I could tell she was similarly affected by the place. I bathed my feet in the super cold source and we explored the little huts where peasants evaporated water to obtain salt for selling…salt for sale (see how the words are connected here…) Sel-cell-salt-sell-self-sel(scot’s for self)-sale (Italian for salt) sel (French).

In the months after France I have continued to meditate and research on salt and my understanding is expanding on this vast topic – I am now more interested and fascinated than ever to discover how incredibly significant this humble compound is no matter which level of interest is looked at. Today I came across the term ‘A Covenant of Salt’ which is found in the Old Testament 3 times. As I said, I am by no means a scholar on the bible, however over the years ‘knowings’ which have come to me are often to be found in the bible and I have learned that the truth is not restricted to one place or another, nor one book or another, but in a ‘both and’ way and not in an ‘either or’ manner.

A Covenant of Salt is an eternal covenant; one which cannot be broken. This I sense refers not only to an agreement between people, and between people and God, but on a much deeper level, this is an agreement between us and our Source. Are we are a compound that cannot be unmade? Salt of the earth =truthful and with integrity. These are not just fanciful descriptions – they are facts of existence, and there is no choice in the matter – they are so. The attributes are not separate from the substance, so the substance must be that too.

The Weather TurnsThe next day autumn arrived early to the South of France. The weather was cooler but fine for a morning walk around the village to the red spring/source and Seat of Isis – I’ve little to report on that as it’s another well-known power point that I feel very little at and I went there to see if that had changed much, but it hadn’t and though I felt a deep sense of calm in the chair there isn’t much else to share. By afternoon it was raining with unusually cool temperatures of 15C. The weather stayed wet and cold like this for the next day too and we took the opportunity to rest a lot, sleep late, read, talk, cook for ourselves nourishing meals and importantly, give massages. I’ve mentioned previously that the giving of touch in the form of massage was an important aspect of this trip – though I’ve been in favour of touch and massage for many years now (including doing tantra massage professionally for 9 years) it wasn’t until this trip that I truly, deeply realised just how much it helps in the integration process, and this is of course especially if you’re the type who is in their head a lot, analysing and intellectualising the spiritual initiation and journeys of consciousness. I remember when Deborah Anapol and I were planning the first retreat to France that she said the Gnostic initiates were constantly massaged during certain initiations and this struck me at the time as being accurate and very interesting. I’ve since tried to find confirmation of this unsuccessfully.

Ussat-les-Bains – 2 nightsWe were supposed to have a guided tour of the Cathar caves of initiation (the same caves I’ve still to write about the first experience in 2014) but our guide had to cancel at the last minute, this wasn’t so much disappointing as a little surprising as we’d only just spoken with him a some days previously to arrange it, plus we discovered our accommodation was only 2 houses away from where he was, so it all seemed to be aligned nicely. However it wasn’t to be and we decided we would try and find the caves ourselves, which we did and spent some time in the dark inside the complex of 7 caverns. We just stayed at the entrance to it and I confess I was afraid to go into a complex not knowing if I would get lost. Peter however had no such fear and next time he said he would go through the complex. Even that gives me cause for fear and I’d probably be worried about him not coming back out!! We then found the Bethlehem cave which is the cave of final initiation of the Cathar initiates. This is the cave that has the pentagram carved into the wall where in 2014 I got up into it but this time I was less fit and didn’t try it. Peter did very ably though and then later on he gave me more massage – what a guy.

Situated in the Ariège River valley, Ussat-les-Bains, like Rennes-les-Bains, is also a thermal spa well known for its rich mineral water with curative properties. There’s another village joined to it called Ornaloc and the commune is referred to as Ornolac-Ussat-les-Bains.

From Ussat we headed west via Montsegur Castle which we only looked at from the road. We then headed to Nebias and spent a good couple of hours in the breathtakingly beautiful and mystical Labyrinthe Verte . Once again I had bitter-sweet memories as the previous time I’d been here was with my now ex-husband whilst staying at Monsegur however the beautiful sunny day, the company, both human and nature spirits, worked magic upon me and my mood lifted quickly. This place is deepest green nature, thick with nature spirits. It wasn’t until we were leaving that we realised that we’d gone through three distinctive levels or zones at this place, both physically and energetically. This mirrored our overall trip and also that of entering a cathedral building – through the entrance vestibule, then the nave and then the apse/altar. Some may also notice this is also echoing that of the triple goddess, with maiden, mother and crone. Or Virgin Mary, Mary Magdalene and Black Madonna/Virgin. For me this trinity ‘pattern’ was to come to life even more vividly during my final massage with Peter after we returned to his home in Paris.

Heading North and WestNorth east onto Sete that evening to stay with a dear friend of Peter’s for 2 nights. I’d thought about visiting Beziers or somewhere else but in Sete we had lovely weather gain and I was feeling I’d had quite enough of Cathar and deeply emotional/spiritual experiences! Instead we had delightful meals out and explored the town with Peter’s friend. I really appreciate the opportunity to have such amazing changes in scene and content – the variety is a balm to my soul.

From Sete we headed a little north to Saint Maries de la Mer where we had lunch and visited the chapel. I had a profound experience which started on the beach as we arrived, remembrances of incredibly happy times though I’d not been there in this lifetime. I was highly energised. The chapel felt like home to me – I remembered it and the feeling of being there was deeply nurturing. I walked up the aisle like I owned it – so interesting to get that sense of complete and utter ‘rightness of being’. It is built on an underground spring which is visible from the chapel but not accessible, said to be the reason Mary Magdalene chose the spot to make home in. Yet another spring/source and by the time I had got this far, the theme of water, springs, source, salt was evident though not the meaning. There is also the famous salt – Fleur de Sel de Camargue from the area which is associated to Mary Magdalene by the pilgrims and seekers who come to this place.

The energy/area of the Camargue is incredible and I find it hard to describe it – it definitely reminded me of Corsica, and there is indeed something very different about it, as if it were another country almost. Certainly it evoked or awakened cellular memory for me and touched me profoundly. I can feel it now in my body as I tune into the area as I write about it.

Our next stop was Aix en Province – this was unscheduled until we got to Rocamadour when Peter received a call from a lady connected to his friend in Sete; she was asking him about tantra massages for herself and a friend. Why not call in after Sete then? They were delighted and so she hosted us overnight in her beautiful home in Aix-en-Province.

From Aix we headed north with an overnight stay in Vienne which is a town I felt resistance to once I was there, especially in the cathedral, though it was probably Peter’s favourite cathedral. Next day we head back to Paris which was a long drive and it was very good to get back home to Peter’s apartment.

I’d like to finish here and leave the last part for another day because what happened to me during a final massage from Peter was one of the most extraordinary revelations of my life and gave me knowing (gnosis) on the nature of reality, religion, the Virgin Mary, Mary Magdalene, the Black Madonna and Nature herself.

Dear Reader, as this story directly continues from France-Initiation (Part I), may I suggest you start there before reading this as otherwise it won’t really make much sense.

*****

At the end of the first part France–Initiation (Part I) I was telling you about the devastation I felt at the death of a story I’d been carrying for many years, upon which much of my sense of self was built. The death of an ‘inner story character’ is literally is like a death of a self, albeit a false self but that it is false is not known until the moment of the death-blow. That sort of experience is like the tarot card ‘The Tower’ and it was not without a sense of irony that I remembered the name ‘Magdalene’ has been translated to mean tower.

That Taj (Deborah) seemed fine, even excited, about my 180 degree turnabout was an exceedingly healing experience for me and taught me that there were some people who did indeed embrace the unexpected and change, and that here was a great friend indeed who appreciated me for who and what I was – and not for who and what I thought I was, or who I thought I should be.

This was a great antidote to the pattern of “I’ve made my bed and now I must lie in it”, which quite literally does of course mean lying to self, and others. This particular pattern I see in myself and other women, though there are men who carry it as well. I feel it is a (false/shadow) feminine pattern and it goes along with the fear that women/the feminine are/is always changing their/its minds, that they can’t be relied upon, they are emotional, are not dependable, unpredictable, uncontrollable, not understandable, not logical. In other words, not safe, dangerous! It’s quite easy to dismiss this one yet in my experience it shows up in people on a daily basis and mainly you can see this through its counterpart which is the rigid, fixed mentality of authority. (Interestingly enough, this same pattern was to rear its head in 2017 when I was planning the return to France.)

Deborah and I went ahead and recorded our free introductory teleseminar the next day. I’d love to tell you that it worked out even better than it would have done before I had my turnabout, but it did not. In fact I didn’t feel it went well at all. I felt challenged to find my voice and more so that I’d lost the thread of what I wanted to share, and also that I couldn’t properly articulate what I was going through. Taj however thought differently, she really enjoyed it and had no criticisms of my contribution. I’ve not been able to bear even the thought of listening to the video since then.* (for update – see end of blog)

Knowing our next one was due on February 22nd I decided to let things settle for a few days. But they didn’t and if anything, I felt even more strongly about things. The energy was gone for me and I couldn’t get it back. I went ahead and told Taj I couldn’t continue with the teleseminar series nor the week-long retreat we’d planned. I felt terrible about it all.

I Am a Radiant Heart. So full of Love and delight. Bask in the presence of the One and All shall find their true Love. Sweetness comes to all that seek to know the truth of being fully human. Both divine and human. Man in divine truth is a beautiful creation that know no limits to its love.

Existence stills the mind for all eternity, coming unto self in the night of passion of the only one. No one need be passed by for in choosing love over all else, the righteous nature of self exceeds all else. There is nothing to add to this.

Be unto the self as a mother is to her new-born child. In every moment cherish the child of God that you are. Never let a day go by without offering Love to yourself. As you do this act of Grace you and all others are filled with Grace herself.

When your brothers and sisters come to you seeking that which they sense you have, it is because you are already being it. Hold back nothing now because there is nothing that can be taken which is your truth. Do not limit the Grace of Spirit which desires to move through you. It will be a balm unto the many as they seek their own true nature.

Fear not the wolves in the hearts of men for they know not what they do and ignorance is not the match of a Spirit infused soul. Your truth cannot be taken from you; it may only be given away. Fear not evil for it is only seeking to know itself. Be a light in the darkness of despair.

I am your mother, your sister, your lover in alms. Thank you for your devotion, I am always with you for we are one.

Earlier this year I was surprised to feel the inner calling to return to the south of France. I’d thought I was finished with France. I was even more surprised to feel a connection again to Mary Magdalene as I was certain I’d left all that behind, never to be re-visited. Then the Cathars popped in too and all sorts of resonant information started collating itself in my close connections, social media, inboxes and other such places. As I said, I was very surprised to find this connection alive again because as far as I was concerned, I’d seen through all of the illusion and had no desire to get back involved with any of it again. I’d visited the area about 10 years previously and also in 2014 with a group. Though my time there in 2014 was incredibly awesome, there were other aspects that I’d come into realisation about afterwards that lead to me withdrawing energy from the stories and people of the area. I remember that even in 2014 I was surprised to hear from Magdalene again, as I hadn’t been feeling much of a connection for some years. Truly, it’s a living mystery how these things come about!

In late 2013, and early 2014, I’d had two ‘callings’ from Magdalene in connection with the south of France. As it turns out, so had my friend Deborah. She emailed me “Magdalene is calling me, fancy going to the south of France with me?” Deborah and I had re-connected in 2014 in Malta/Gozo after several years of little contact between us – but one thing is for certain with Deborah and me, every time we met it was extremely activating for us both.

“Magdalene’s been calling me too, so yes!” I somewhat bemusedly found myself saying. We decided to organise a retreat and blend that with private time. I felt like it must be in September. We called our retreat “Initiation” and all I can say is, it certainly was! One major factor in our retreat was to leave space for the Unknown (Divine Mother ) to come in – I was very sure of this aspect though Deborah less so, she was always happy to trust my intuitive hits. Here’s how we put it:

“Our theme for the weekend is “Initiation”. Our intention is to invite the serpent-light power of Kundalini to awaken. We will be the crucible for Gaia’s Fire and our instructor will be Gaia Herself. And this is the exploratory part… we don’t know precisely what She will bring forth!”

Mary Magdalene by Richard Stodart

Little did we know what this was setting off for us, and that our individual and joint stories would weave unexpected and unknown paths. In fact, I wonder at my own inexperience looking back – boy have I had initiation after initiation since then! I have also discovered since that our story wove with that of the Cathars as well as that of Mary Magdalene. When we discovered that there was a Cathar cave experience that the Cathar Initiates took part in we decided we simply had to include the cave expedition which several retreat participants decided to join us in too. Because of the turns my life took that summer, I never did blog about the retreat, sites and caves we experienced so I’ll be including that later on, but for now I’m skipping ahead to the story of the 2015 retreat.