12.29.2003

I asked Mom last night if she wanted me to call you for her ,so that you could talk. She said “NO”. I cannot imagine that this is what you want. Maybe you are just tired of both of us, and just want to do your thing. If that is the case, please say so. I would be sorry to hear that, but, it might be the way you feel.

I have made many mistakes in my life, but, never wanted to feel like I was “enemies” with my only son. Have you done everything in your life just perfectly, and every decision was correct ?

It is very difficult to contact you, as your hours are strange to us, and we do not have your work phone #. Mom felt as though no contact on Christmas was deliberate, and sent her a message. Not the usual caring message of Christmas.

I do not know what the future holds, but, I would like to be friends with you. My plans are uncertain at the moment, depending on Mom. If something happens to Mom, in the short term, I am outta Idaho as fast as I can pack boxes. Probably Gardenerville, just over the Sierras from South Shore. Ridden bicycles there many times. It will all hinge on selling this house. It will be tough as homes have not gone up in value here. I would be lucky to break even, in two years. The house across the street from us on Rancho Cabeza went up $200,000 in the last two years. I talked with Verna, and several old neighbors recently.

Coming up here, and thinking that your mother and aunt could become good friends was the stupidest thing I ever did. They can be in the same room, but, close sisters will never happen. I did not really get to know the real personality, until moving up here. You have seen one side of the coin only !! Just for your knowledge – she wanted to be on the Homeowners Association here, “Big Time”. She made it known that she was interested in an opening on the board. She was “not so politely” told to take a “fucking hike”, as she is well known here as a “trouble maker.” I did not even know this, until your aunt got the “Shingles”, a nervous stress disorder. Then of course, the whole scenario fit like a glove. She wanted that job so bad, and knew every little infraction that every homeowner had committed. Like fence colors, and the like. Thank God, someone knew about her. So, this whole move to Idaho was a tragic mistake on my part. I do not have any problem admitting my mistakes, however, some of them are not as easy to see.

If you do not want to have any contact with us, just say so. That’s easy enough ! I cannot help the way things have gone. I could have done better emotionally, but, was really undone by Mom’s several illnesses.

Talked with Ron the other day, he called. And his 94 year old father Walt died the day before. We talked about Christmas, and Ron asked if our kids had come up. I mentioned that your sister had called, but we never heard from you. Ron, goes “Holy Shit”, maybe you’re the problem. I said ,Ron, I don’t doubt that for a second. But, I do not know how to fix it. Ron is very compassionate, and invites phone calls and or E-Mail. His wife was just as bad once, and Ron turned into a pile of Dog Shit. He sat in my living room, with a blank stare in his eyes, and he was besides himself. He had no answers, and was scared shitless. I never found fault in him for that. He almost cried on occaision. Ron was faced with the possibility of divorce, and losing everything. Then, of course, the Court intervenes, tosses Gloria into mandatory custody, and forces Meds down her throat. Gets her well, and releases her back to Ron.

So, where is all of this headed ? What do you want ? If you would like me, or both of us to just “evaporate” and not bother you ? Do you want me to evaporate, and not bother you ? Shortly there will be no point in contacting Mom at all. Do you want one way communications to you only, no communications ?? When Mom dies, are you going to go to her funeral ? Seems sort of rediculous.

I can change my phone #, and E-mail address, and never talk to you again, if that is what you want.

If Mom and I have placed an unwanted burden on you, check this out. I got a phone call one evening from a neighbor, that my Dad was dead. I went over to their house, and had to pick up his brains, pieces of his skull, and blood were all over the room, floor and walls. I cleaned up the room, painted the walls, and repaired the 44 caliber Magnum bullet hole in the wall.

My mother, I reluctantly took care of her, for over twenty years. Many cars, many hospitals, many adverse situations very late at night. Jail time, and I paid for her funeral at the end.

Have Mom and I inflicted this type of burden on you ? While you may not be proud or pleased with either one of us, I don’t think that we required too much of you. Maybe you’d disagree with that.

I would hate to move, and not want to have you know where I moved to, and be friends .
This is not a bunch of rhetoric because I am bored and have nothing else to do. Actually, I have a lot to do, and never seem to get caught up. The house has about a half inch of dust on everything and I need to get hopping.

I hope that your aunt will not continue to be a source of influence in your thinking and information. It took me a while to learn that you tell her “nothing at all”. No information, no plans, “nothing” !

I hope that you find time to contact Mom. Like I said, I would have tried last night, but, she said “No” ! I do think that she’d like to speak with you, and be aware that she has become quite hard to talk with.

Dad
You just don’t get it. I’ve basically had to write you off. The problem is not people around you. The problem is your thinking, or lack thereof. My aunt and uncle are good people. You continuously have failed to see this. There comes a time in friendships when people have had enough of being belittled, berated, and mistreated. Your brother Steve chooses to not have any contact with you anymore because of the way you treated him. Your brother in law and sister in law choose to not talk to you anymore for the same reason. My sister and myself are in the same boat at times. You’ve pushed me too far and I’ve had enough.

I know you won’t listen and at this point it’s too late anyway. I am going to force a few issues with you in the coming weeks whether you like it or not. I feel I have to help both of you because you are not able to handle it. This is not my opinion it’s simply what you have shown me.

You have abused the fuck out of Mom. I will never forget watching you glare at her across the table when she’s having trouble with her food. Anyone else would simply just help her cut it. You watch her suffer. You show little to no understanding or compassion for your wife. You have been a worthless caregiver. You continue to horde cash in the hopes of simply outliving your wife and protecting *your* money. I find this to be deplorable.

I have sought legal representation. I have sought help from other resources in your area. I am coming for you… I gave you time to unfuck yourself. You failed, I warned you. I warned you to stop abusing Mom. As I expected you continued.