My Own Private Hell

It seems like most days I am stuck in a state of confusion,boredom, and sameness. I can’t escape this prison that is my life right now, because there is no where else to go. At times, I feel so vulnerable, so invisible. I try as I might but I am trapped in my head, unable to find the answer. I’m sorry but I can’t be that insane crazy funny guy everyday like the world seems to think everyone should be. Some people can just turn on the switch instantaneously and act like nothing is wrong. I just can’t keep up with that.

Being in a constant state of peace that comes from retreating to being by myself is something I enjoy. I find that the more I hang around others, the more tired I get because I can’t keep up with the constant energy. Being in a constant state of peace is great because it means I don’t have to feel sad all the time.

Some people don’t understand depression

When I find that even ground and can feel happy and not depressed, I am okay. But I do get depressed a lot because I feel as if my life is moving way too slow and isn’t really getting anywhere. It helps that I get a disability check every month now, mostly because I am unable to drive a car and find an actual job.That’s what it’s all come to, my life, taking advantage of the Internet’s vast resources to make my life that much more fulfilling. I want to have a voice in this day and age, to stand up for the people that otherwise have a tough time speaking for their selves.

flat·ter·y:

noun

excessive and insincere praise, especially that given to further one’s own interests.

It’s very flattering when I get compliments from others on here and elsewhere. I feel less lonely and apart of a much bigger group.

I just want someone to love. That’s all. I know it is sometimes hard for me to express myself and when others have much louder voices than I do, I get drowned out easily. I want to be the best version of myself I can be. I want to own up to my ultimate potential, want to be able to do everything I can in this life.