Sunday, November 30, 2008

Here is a picture of our Christmas tree. Camera phone pictures never capture the real essence, and this is no exception. Our tree is incredible! It all starts with the lights. My wife, goes a little nuts when it comes to the lights on the tree! She is fanatical! Not just with the number of lights, but with how they go on the tree. We do have an artificial tree, due to family allergies, but the lights go on every year and come off every year. No two years are alike. This year, it took two sessions and a break in between to get them just right. It took most of Saturday to get them up. Most of Saturday! This year she came up with a new idea for the twinkle lights. First, we had to wrap the twinkle lights onto about 10' of garland. That was my job. After I managed to wrap a string of 100 lights around the garland, H then wrapped the garland around the trunk of the tree from the bottom of the tree to the top. This gives the effect of the twinkle lights coming from the inside of the tree. Keep in mind that it was painfully slow to get the garland just right around the trunk. The first try was not good enough. I am not sure on how many attempts it took, but it took a few. Here is her new nickname when it comes to tree lights: Monica Geller. For those of you that ever watched Friends, or still do, this is in reference to Monica's compulsiveness to be perfect. So, my "Monica", spent the better part of a complete day just arranging the lights on our tree! Don't get me wrong, I am glad she is willing to do this and our tree looks fantastic. It took about 30 minutes for me and the girls to put up the rest of the ornaments on the tree. This includes the time it took H to re-hang most of the ornaments that I hung, because I apparently do not hang them correctly. Although we lost count of how many lights are on the tree, I can safely estimate more than 700. H actually asked if I thought she was a little compulsive about her lights. My response: You Think???

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Thanksgiving is over and the official Christmas season is upon us. For the first time is a long time, H was not part of Black Friday. She says she is OK not being one of too many hitting the stores before the sun rose, but I think she missed the action! We got to drive up north to visit MoMo on Friday with the Lee's. It had snowed and we had the best day playing and working with our friends. I even was crowned King Wizard! This day really kicked off the season for our family. Our tree is up and decorated and some of the house decorations have been put up. One of the decorations in particular is the doorknob cover pictured above. We have put it up every year since I can remember. It is always on a doorknob in the hallway that gets the most traffic. From the time it is placed on the doorknob, we spend all of efforts trying not to knock it off. But it is only a matter of time before you forget it is there and walk too close and knock it off.

When Billy was a kid, this used to drive him crazy! He was usually the one who would knock it down, then I would be next. It would always be followed by "STUPID DOORKNOB COVER !" Once you declared that you had knocked it over, you could then kick it down the rest of the hallway, chase after it, and put it back on for the next victim. At one point, I think H had to sew one of the eyes back on. This year it took Kyra a day to be the first one to knock it off. The second picture is the doorknob cover after Kyra knocked it off! Yep, let the season begin !

Monday, November 24, 2008

1. You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.The Princess Bride2. I've been stabbed, shot, poisoned, frozen, hung, electrocuted, and burned.Groundhog Day3. Stay in school and use your brain. Be a doctor, be a lawyer, carry a leather briefcase. Forget about sports as a profession. Sports make ya grunt and smell. See, be a thinker, not a stinker.Rocky4. Three dimes, a hundred dollar bill and 87 ones.Big5. You can't ask for advice about the woman you're trying to hose FROM the woman you're trying to hose!Tin Cup6. It feels out there. I mean, it's a major rush. I mean, it feels radical in kind of a tubular sort of way, but most of all, it feels out there.Bull Durham7. They gave me candy and called me their light.Dangerous Minds8. Yeah, and we're not gonna fall for a banana in the tailpipe.Beverly Hill Cop9. Me? I'm scared of everything. I'm scared of what I saw, I'm scared of what I did, of who I am, and most of all I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I'm with you.Dirty Dancing10. You can take the girl out of the honky tonk, but you can't take the honky tonk out of the girl.Sweet Home Alabama

3. Stay in school and use your brain. Be a doctor, be a lawyer, carry a leather briefcase. Forget about sports as a profession. Sports make ya grunt and smell. See, be a thinker, not a stinker.

4. Three dimes, a hundred dollar bill and 87 ones.

5. You can't ask for advice about the woman you're trying to hose FROM the woman you're trying to hose!

6. It feels out there. I mean, it's a major rush. I mean, it feels radical in kind of a tubular sort of way, but most of all, it feels out there.

7. They gave me candy and called me their light.

8. Yeah, and we're not gonna fall for a banana in the tailpipe.

9. Me? I'm scared of everything. I'm scared of what I saw, I'm scared of what I did, of who I am, and most of all I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I'm with you.

10. You can take the girl out of the honky tonk, but you can't take the honky tonk out of the girl.

1863 - American Civil War: U.S. President Abraham Lincoln delivers the Gettysburg Address at the dedication of the military cemetery ceremony at Gettysburg, Pennsylvania

1946 - Afghanistan, Iceland and Sweden join the United Nations.

1959 - The Ford Motor Company announces the discontinuation of the unpopular Edsel.

1967- The establishment of TVB, the first wireless commercial television station in Hong Kong.

1971- American Helena Jo Kokaliares is born in Barstow, California.

1977- Egyptian President Anwar Sadt becomes the first Arab leader to officially visit Israel, when he meets Israeli prime minister Menachem Begin and speaks before the Knesset in Jerusalem, seeking a permanent peace settlement.

1985 - Cold War: In Geneva, U.S. President Ronald Reagan and Soviet Union leader Mikhail Gorbachev meet for the first time.

1997 - In Des Moines, Iowa, Bobbi McCaughey gives birth to septuplets in the second known case where all seven babies were born alive. They would go on to become the first set of septuplets to survive infancy, with all seven alive in 2008.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this: Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest.. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...? I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dipshit,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . ..> HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . .. . WHAT THE HELL!!! I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room. Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative? SON-OF-A-GUN, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I soiled myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!! P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it! 'If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid.'

About Me

I should probably start with explaining the "Bill the Great". It was a nickname I aquired at and old job. I had not really thought of it in a long time until I was pondering a blog site name. It is not anything that I take seriously, so please, take it lightly! I grew up in Scottsdale and have lived my entire life in Arizona. I have been married for 16 years and have four children, Billy, Kyra, Tasha, and Payton.