Random rantings from a not so girly girl trying to protect her sensitive bitz from the harsh, cruel world.

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Sunday, March 27, 2011

Domestic Diva Tips of the Day

#7 When you go to clean your energy efficient, eclipse, blackout all the sun because I'm a vampire, curtains and it says 'line dry', heed that advice.

#23 Just because you discovered for the first time after 5 years living in your home, that all of your upstairs windows tilt in for easy cleaning, doesn't mean you have to clean all of them today.

#46 When you have a dog who likes to hide very large, sharp bones throughout the house, don't be angry when you step on one, that you probably gave to her, while cleaning the bedroom.

#5 If you have to glue a table back together in order for it to be functional, you should probably just get rid of it.

#8 Remember that if there is one very large momma spider in the bedroom, there are probably 7 others, not counting their offspring.

#72 If you leave the door open so your dog can run in and out to the yard freely, preventing her from being under your feet, remember that the neighbor's cats can also come in.

#14 If you think that big ball of dust may be a stink bug, it probably is and you shouldn't touch it.

#96 If a fire truck pulls up behind your house for no apparent reason at all, it may not be connected to that burning smell coming from your dryer after you washed those blackout all the light because I'm a vampire curtains.

Have you started Spring Cleaning yet? Does anyone even still do that besides me?

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Who the heck am I?

I am a self proclaimed hillbilly with an attitude problem and some book learning. I believe that a healthy dose of sarcasm and hot fudge makes everything tolerable. Just your average pudgy girl trying to get skinny and remain non-homicidal in the face of jackassery. Come join me as I mock just about everything, especially myself.