"Who do you say
that I am?" Jesus asked. Simon Peter answered, "You
are the Messiah, the Son of the living God." And Jesus
answered, "Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah! ... You are
Peter(petros), and on this rock(petra)
I will build my church..." Jesus then began to speak of
the rough road ahead. And Peter took him aside and rebuked him... "Get
behind me, Satan!" Jesus replied. "You are a stumbling
block..."(Matthew 16:13-23)

May these words of this Peter be like a rock,
not a stumbling block!

"Donít
Rock the Boat"

Drama performed on June 9, 2002
Long Green Valley Church of the Brethren
Glen Arm, Maryland USA
based uponGenesis
6:9 - 8:22

Characters: Shem, Ham, Japheth, the three sons of Noah.
Location: the Ark

Scene One - Before the Flood

All three characters are
equipped with hard hats, hammers and, possibly, tool belts. They stand
together as if in the hallway between rooms/stalls on a nearly finished Ark.
Before they begin and as they talk, Ham and Japheth "putter" at
imaginary tasks, hammering a nail in here, sighting a straight line there,
etc. Shem has a roll of blueprints he consults.

Ham - How long do you think itís going to be?

Shem - Oh, I donít know. Everything seems to be going according to plan. We
should have this
baby finished in a week or so.

Japheth - He wasnít talking about the boat, Shem. He meant the weather. How
long till the rain
begins? Iíve been wondering that myself. Itís hard to believe a storm is
brewing,
what with the drought weíve been having.

Shem - Guess I havenít paid much attention to the sky. Been too worried
that weíre doing this
right. (points to the blueprints).

Ham - Actually, I didnít mean the boat or the weather.

Japheth - What, then?

Ham - Father. How long do you think itís going to be?

Shem - Huh?

Ham - How long is he going to keep up with this crazy plan?

Shem - Be careful what you call "crazy," Ham.

Japheth - Or "who."

Ham - Havenít you two ever wondered whether this all isnít just a wild
goose chase?

Japheth - We may end up doing just that, Ham. I hear geese arenít all that
easy to catch.

Ham - Youíre a real comedian, Japheth, unlike our "other"
brother.

Shem - So now I lack humor, and Dad hasnít a brain?

Ham - Well, havenít you had any doubts about this job he supposedly
received from you know
who?

Japheth - Mom?

Ham - No, from the big guy in the sky.

Japheth - Uncle Ralph?

Ham - No, not that drunk. I mean from "the" One and only.

Japheth - Iím confused. I thought you said you werenít talking about Mom.

Shem - Heís talking about God, you dimwit.

Japheth - Oh.

Ham - Have either of you heard from God about this job?

Shem - No, canít say that I have.

Japheth - Let me think.... Nope. Iíd remember something like that.

Ham - Do you think he really got the word direct from the source?

Shem - Apparently you donít.

Ham - Letís say - I wonder... Weíve put a lot of man-hours into this tub.
Is it going to be
worth it?

Shem - Of course. If Dad says it is, I believe him. Just like I believe the
plans (hold up blueprint)
came from God. Dad may be a big thinker, but I donít think he couldíve come
of
with something this big on his own. 300 cubits by 50 cubits by 30 cubits is
beyond
my wildest dreams.

Japheth - Iím still trying to figure out what a cubit is.

Ham - Weíre not going to go there again, Japheth... We measure. You hammer.

Japheth - Sure. Itís just that a "cube" is a three dimensional
square. Does that, then, make a cubit
a portion of a cube, and if so how do you figure that out?

Shem - We should never have given him that rubix cube for his birthday.

Ham - It did keep him out of our hair for quite a while.

Shem - That it did.

Ham - (pause) You seem so sure about all this,
Shem.

Shem - Well, yes. I trust our father. He wouldnít steer us wrong.

Ham - You are, indeed, your fatherís son.

Shem - Arenít you?

Ham - Not like you. While you seem to fit comfortably into the shoes heís
been raising you to fill,
Iím not so sure about myself.

Shem - Ham, Iíd never push you out of the family business just because Iím
firstborn.

Ham - The family business? You mean this silly Ark?

Japheth - There you go again. Whatís so silly or crazy about trying to save
the world from itself?

Ham - You mean save it from God.

Japheth - No, from itself. Everything has gotten all messed up here.

Ham - Like your rubix cube, which you never did figure out, did you?

Japheth - Well, now that you mention it, no I didnít. (pause)
You really like going into town?

Ham - No way! Not even to see my best friends. You take your life into your
own hands when
you do.

Shem - You still have friends in town?

Ham - Not really. Especially not after Dad started us on this project.

Shem - And before?

Ham - Well, it was getting pretty bad.

Shem - Still is. And it seems to be moving closer to us.

Japheth - Yeah, I long for a good nightís sleep. Iím tired of standing
watch over our supplies.
Weíd be robbed blind if we didnít, though.

Shem - Be thankful they havenít hurt any of us yet.

Ham - I guess youíre right. I wouldnít want to bring a child into this
world.

Japheth - "Katherine." Yeah, what hope would a child have in this
world the way it is?

Ham - Yes, but donít you think wiping the slate clean with a flood is a bit
drastic? Is there no
other way? Seems like overkill to me.

Shem - Dad doesnít think so.

Ham - Youíd agree with father even if he said the world wasnít flat.

Japheth - Hey, maybe itís like a rubix cube.

Shem - Enough of that rubix cube! I donít know how God is going to do it. Iím
sure he has some
doors up there he can open to allow the water to pour down, or maybe let it come
up from underneath. Frankly, I think there needs to be a good flushing.

Japheth - Speaking of which, where are we putting the bathroom in this thing?

Shem - (looks at blueprint and points to a spot on it)
Right here.

Japheth - (looks where Shem points on blueprint)
Oh, will it have a door?

Ham - A door?

Japheth - Katherine is a BIG fan of doors, especially for "private"
spaces.

Ham - I have a feeling that, if this all works out like Dad says, privacy is
going to be the least of
our worries.

Japheth - You may be right. By the way, whatís this room for?
(points to one side)

Shem - (consults blueprint) Thatís going to be
the elephant room.(Ham & Japheth look inside with disbelief, their arms
measuring a space
that obviously is too small for such a big animal)

Japheth - Diplomatic or not, I canít take that room again. I did it last
week.

Shem - Well, I did it the week before that.

Japheth - And the week before that was my turn.

Shem - And I before that.

Japheth - Gee, I wonder whose turn it is this week?

Ham - (enters with a smile on his face) Hi guys!(Shem and Japheth turn as one to Ham)

Japheth - Oh, hello, brother dear.

Shem - So nice to see you!

Ham - (stops smiling) Iíve seen that look
before. What do you want me to do this time?(Shem and Japheth turn as one toward the elephant room)
Oh, no you donít.

Japheth - When was the last time you cleaned it?

Ham - Wasnít it last week? (Shem and Japheth shake their
heads) Maybe the week before?(Shem and Japheth shake their heads) The week
before? (Shem and Japheth shake their
heads) Then the week before that! (Shem and Japheth
shake their heads) Okay, I guess
it is my turn. Can we take a break, though? I just finished the
small animal floor and
I'm pooped! Literally.

Japheth - Heís not so "diplomatic," is he?

Shem - Quite true, Japheth. (all three sit down)

Ham - Guys, I couldíve sworn we started out with only two rabbits.

Shem - You thought it would stay that way?

Ham - No, but when we calculated how much food weíd need for all these
animals, we planned
on only so many mouths to feed. Things arenít going "according to
plan."

Shem - Still questioning the wisdom of it all, are you?

Ham - Not, really. Things did turn out as Dad said they would - him and God.

Japheth - Youíre not kidding! We got finished none-too-soon. Those last
hours were a bit hectic.

Shem - An understatement, for sure!

Japheth - Yeah, and with all this talk of rain, do you think I remembered to
pack an umbrella?
NO!

Ham - (chuckling) I just wish we had thought to
bring some air fresheners or something.

Japheth - Oh, Katherine remembered that. I wish she hadnít. Our room smells
so flowery I can
hardly stand it. Iím glad the rain has stopped. Iíve been sleeping up top
lately.

Shem - Seen anything up there?

Japheth - Anything but water, you mean? ... No.

Ham - If and when we do see dry land, what then?

Shem - I suppose weíll dock this boat and unload.

Ham - No, I mean what about after that?

Japheth - After we unload?

Ham - I mean, once this job is finished.

Shem - Weíll all settle down, I guess.

Ham - Itís just strange. For so long weíve been living out Dadís
calling. He was the one God told
to build, fill, and float this Ark, not us. We just did what Dad told us to do.

Shem - You questioning our father again?

Ham - No. Iím proud of him, I really am. I willingly have done it all. Once
this boat lands,
however - if it lands - what then? Are we going to stay together, or will we
each find
our own way in this world? What are we going to do with ourselves.
The job
market is sort of wide open at this point, you know.

Japheth - I hadnít really thought about that, brothers.

Ham - I have... A lot!

Shem - Donít you suppose God will have something more to say to us? After
all, he got us to this
point to start with. Would he just leave us to figure it all out for ourselves?

Japheth - Well, he didnít tell us how we were supposed to get those
elephants into that room,
but we did it.

Ham - Donít remind me. My foot still hurts.

Shem - You know, once we land, weíll have to get them out of there?(Japheth and Ham look at each other in panic for a moment or
so)

Japheth - I think I can wait for the water to recede and the land to dry.

Ham - Yes, come to think of it, Iím not in too much of a hurry to get out
of here. Except...

Shem - Except?

Japheth - Except?

Ham - Except, Iíd sort of like us to be on solid ground before Samantha
gives birth.

Shem - What?

Japheth - How did this happen?

Ham - (Shem & Ham turn & look at their younger
brother) Do we have to explain that to you also?

Japheth - I know about making babies! I was just thinking how that has been
the last thing on my
mind this whole trip.

Shem - I agree. This isnít exactly a romantic cruise in the Mediterranean.

Japheth - And carrying for all these animals hasnít exactly made me want to
have some critters
of my own.

Ham - "Critters?"

Japheth - Oh, theyíre cute when theyíre babies, but once they hit a
certain age they become ...
... animals! Iím not ready to be a father.

Shem - I see what you mean. But once we hit dry land, weíll need all the
help we can get to do
something with this new world.

Japheth - (sarcastically) You make it sound so
appealing. Our children sound more like farm
hands or slaves.

Ham - That may be how things will work out - you never know.2
Besides, younger
brother, I betyou will end up bringing more little "animals" into this
world than Shem or myself.3

Japheth - Yeah, right! At most I want two children, preferably one.

Shem - Youíve spoken of this with Katherine?

Japheth - Well, not exactly.

Ham - Weíll just see what happens.

Shem - Indeed! Do the other women know that Samantha is with child, Ham? I
sure didnít
notice.

Ham - Iím positive they do. They seem to have a sixth sense for such
things. They probably
already have a baby shower all planned.

Japheth - Donít you think it would be better if we had
showers first?(Shem and Ham look at each other as if, "he canít be
that stupid,"
then seem to think better of it)

Shem - Now that you say that, a shower would sure feel good.

Ham - You know it. Why wasnít one in the blueprint?

Shem - Got me!

Japheth - By the way, whatís a shower?(all three look at each other, puzzled)

1 Obviously,
we've taken some liberty with the names of the wives of Noah's sons, as well as
"Uncle Ralph," which are nowhere listed in the Bible. The
inter-relationship between the brothers in this family is also a mostly hidden
aspect in the Genesis account which we have "stretched" quite a bit
for drama's (and humor's) sake.

2 see Genesis
9:20-27. Canaan was the
youngest child of Ham, though some scholars believe Canaan is the
youngest son of Noah according to the "J" tradition. Needless to say,
this drama only alludes to 9:20-27
In a previous era 9:20-27
was used as a justification for the enslavement of African-Americans, who were
seen as descendants of Ham. Did it function in a similar way for the Israelites
in their struggle for the land against the Canaanites? This is a troubling text
that deserves more than a humorous drama to explore, though a little levity
often helps.