Sleeping with the Enemy

Sleeping with the Enemy

In recent articles in both The New York Times and GQ magazine, intrepid writers knee-deep in the dating pools of San Francisco and NYC, respectively, ‘fessed up to bed bug infestations or almost-infestations. Comparing their unfortunate pest situations to be the bane of their hook-up and dating existence, both writers eventually came to the same conclusion: While we might judge one another for bed bugs as if it’s the nastiest STD or social stigma around, when the bugs come a-knockin’, all we want is there to be someone in our bed who will love us, bed bugs and all.

As a true test of a person’s unconditional love, these writers believed the little bloodsuckers were worth the risk. The GQ writer willingly dated a girl who lived in an NYC neighborhood (Bushwick) renowned for its infestations, while the Bay Area Times contributor suffered from unbearable loneliness while fighting bed bugs solo. While it’d be a noble pursuit to stick by a loved one with bed bugs, or pursue someone with bed bugs, I just don’t think that pursuit is for me. Perhaps it was a recurring childhood nightmare that involved a symbiotic friendship with a human-size tick (don’t ask), but if I know you and you happen to get bed bugs… well, it could be the end of our friendship/relationship.

Of course, karma now dictates that I will be stricken with the scarlet “BB.” Resulting unconditional love? TBD.