I had a one-night hookup with a really hot girl from Tinder. We went back to my place and she immediately said "We're not having sex." I said "Um okay." I didn't care, but thought it was a weird thing to say. She then proceeded to kiss me and things started getting hot and heavy.

She took her pants off and straddled me. At this point I was very confused. She then took my hand and had me move it to my own crotch. Then she formed it and pointed it for me, so that I had two fingers sticking straight up away from myself. Like, as if it was a penis... but it was my fingers. Then she "had sex" with me cowgirl using my penisfingers as a dick.
It was awkward, but I just went with it. I sat there fully clothed with her riding my hand to orgasm.

No reciprocation, either. The least she could do was form her hands into a vagina for some vaginafingers sex.