My c-section was due to a failed induction. They had already broken my water and the clock was ticking so off to surgery I went. Having my VBAC has healed much of my anger about my first birth experience but only if I don't dwell on it for too long :

With my vbac I was determined not to be meddled with during labour. I went into "labour" on Friday evening (contractions 6-10 minutes apart until very early Sunday morning then dropped to less than 5 minutes apart). At that point we went to the hospital for an outpatient consult with my mw because she was attending a birth there at the time. She checked me and I was 2-3 cms so we went home. She called around noonish on Sunday and I was still contracting so she came over to check on me. While she was here my contractions disappeared almost completely (like one ever 10-20 minutes). At that point she started talking about getting induced and I said that since I technically was no longer in "active labour" I would prefer to do nothing and I would call if anything new happened (at that point I was 41 weeks and they don't start getting to stressed out until 42 weeks at my practice).

I continued to have 1-2 contractions an hour for about the next 30 hours or so and then I decided to try a castor oil coctail. All of a sudden my contractions were every five minutes and STRONG!! Contractions started within 5 minutes of my drinking the castor oil "creamsicle" and were consistant. They started around 7pm. We called the mw at around 9:30 because I had decided that I didn't care what anyone did to me at that point so we might as well call the mw's in (ahem...I was in transition at that point but I didn't know it

The mw had me take a bath and said she would call back in 1/2 an hour and see if the cx's were coming quicker or slower at that point...20 mins later my DH was calling her back telling her I was starting to push....if you want to read the whole story LOL just click on "niamh" and go to the journal section of her webpage.

Anyway suffice to say that Niamh was born vaginally 5 hours after my first contraction AFTER the 30 hour stalled labour and 3 DAYS of prodromal labour. The problem with hospitals is they INTERFERE!!! Not all women labour on a pretty little curve but if you don't then they try to force you to.

If I had already been in the hospital or if I had agreed to "augmentation" when my labour stalled I truly believe I would have had a repeat c-section but because I stayed home I ended up with a rather exciting but very safe vbac (you'd have to read the birth story to get all the juicy details LOL!)

Anyway...I talked to my mother during and after my birth with Niamh and she had 2 labours exactly like that when she had her kids (ie long "prelabour phase" followed by a stall of a few days followed by a really quick "active labour") so I guess that is just the way my body needed to labour this time. Next time I will try not to monkey with the process and just be patient

You are not broken! There is a very long healing process (at least there was for me) after an unwanted c-section and there were times when I felt so betrayed by the mw's that had provided my care because I felt that vital details hadn't been mentioned about certain things (like the fact that induction on a first time mom increases your chance of section by almost double!) My mw's still insist that my DS was just "too large" to be delivered vaginally by me but I think they are wrong. I chose not to argue with them about it though because it didn't affect my birth this time (my DS was 9 pounds 11 ounces but my DD was only 8 pounds 3 ounces).

It will take time for you to get to a place where you can feel "okay" about your birth. I won't say that it will ever completely go away (it hasn't for me yet and I am approaching 3 years) but it won't always be so raw and painful (though you may go back and forth between being "okay" and being raw as you process your experience).

Please be gentle with yourself and realize that you did the best you could in the situation and mental state that you were in. Educate yourself yes but try not to tear yourself apart with what-ifs and if-onlys (I know that is easier said than done though).

My 1st c/s was the cause of managed labor. I was put on pitocin for not going into labor with my water broken (fear factor -- Ian May Gaskin addresses this issue). I was told not to get out of the bed b/c I would throw off the EFM that was strapped to me. Not being able to move and being on pit made dealing with contractions near impossible, so I had an epidural. I was told to push before all the cervix was out of the way. I pushed for 2 1/2 hours and he was still floating, he never engaged in the pelvis, I was never allowed to work him down during labor.

My 2nd c/s I was told to have a c/s b/c I had CPD and would not be able to birth a baby.

My 3rd I had learned a lot on these boards and talked with my doc about vbacing and subsequently I was terminated from the practice. I hired a mw, had a home birth and birth a baby almost as big as my first -- no cpd!!!

My first was c-section for footling breech. The doctor swore up and down she was head down. I thought something was up so I asked for a u/s, he refused to give me one. A week later my water broke @ 2AM. It was an hour drive to the hospital. When they finally checked me it was about 3:30AM and I was 6cm almost 7cm. That is when it was discovered she was breech. It sooo ticked me off but it didn't upset me until a few months later when I remembered the doc saying after the c-section that he wished we would have known she was breech! :

My 2nd was a very uncomplicated hospital VBAC(except for the 2nd degree tear). I had to fight hell and high water for my VBAC. We were living near the NC border in SC at the time and no doc or CNM within an hour of me would let me have a VBAC. So I went to NC and had my VBAC with a CNM!

My c/s was for a breech baby and my amniotic fluid was too low to turn my DD. I didn't know anything about vaginal deliveries of breech and my OB told me the baby's head could get stuck and she could die. Sigh. I wish I'd done a little more research and at leat gone into labor before the c/s. At any rate, we're planning a VBAC w/ this baby.

My daughter Alexin was born by c-section. She was still very high up when I reached 10 cm. When they checked me they felt her nose and eyes instead of the top of her head. After hours of pushing and trying to change her position she wouldnt budge. So, they did a c-section. Im glad I had the c-section, I feel I needed it, her face was pretty bruised and swollen when she was born. But with my second I saw a chiropractor to make sure the same thing didnt happen to my son. We wanted to make sure he was in the proper position. And he was and we had a successful HBAC.

KariM, I just wanted to say that I don't believe it was your anger that prevented you from vaginally birthing, but rather the people and situations that were causing you anger. Saying it was your anger is just another way of believing that you were broken, and I get sad when I hear people saying forms of that.

I had anger in my labor too, but it was simply a reaction the idiocy of those I trusted and hired...

But I think I saw in your sig, before I hit reply, that you already had an HBAC, so you know you're not broken, and that's good.

KariM, I just wanted to say that I don't believe it was your anger that prevented you from vaginally birthing, but rather the people and situations that were causing you anger. Saying it was your anger is just another way of believing that you were broken, and I get sad when I hear people saying forms of that.

A lot of the reading I've done states that the laboring woman's emotional state can profoundly affect the progress of labor. It's the fight or flight response. Labor cannot progress when fight or flight is activated (evolutionary survival mechanism). Being angry or afraid can slow and even stop labor. It doesn't mean the woman has done anything wrong. I believe some of my deepseated emotional issues led to my c/s, but saying that doesn't mean I blame myself in any way. It's just part of the truth of what happen. Knowing that will help me work through them so that I can have a good birth this time. KWIM?

I agree that the fight or flight response stops or slows labor; I just worry when people say it's their fault, like it's something they could control. I know I certainly could not control my response.

Background so you know where I'm coming from:

In my labor's case, my hubby recently described it as being "dropped at the dip".

I had a very long labor, but I loved it all (until I got to transition). I did feel like it was a dance. But all along the "midwives" I chose were trying to ruin the dance...turning up then down the music, changing the tempo, cutting in...Then transition hit and my husband lost his own footing...just when things should have finished beautifully and properly, they (the midwives and my husband), dropped me during the dip.

(I'm so glad my husband takes his share of responsibility, otherwise I doubt I'd still be married to him...but he's actually a part of a yahoo group for men who support UC!)

After that drop I was freaking out. It was like I was a deer dropped into the woods near a mountain lion's den, but no one would let me get away from the lions. In fact they wanted me to go IN to the den (AKA the hospital). I fought and fought but they won. And of course after that labor was completely messed up...I'd go in the bathroom and the mountain lions, I mean nurses and OB, were knocking on the door, wanting to jab me with sharp things, wanting to berate me...

Even before we got there I had the LOVELY moment of my so-called midwives (they actually are, but they treated me as though they were OBs even during my pregnancy...not what I expected from LMs) trying to FORCE me to take Rescue Remedy.

If there's one moment (OK there are a lot of moments, but if I had to choose one and it couldn't involve the choosing of those women) I could take back it would be fighting against the predators, I mean midwives, when they were forcing Rescue Remedy on me. I'd never tried it until after it was all over, and when I now realize how calming it is for me, I wish I hadn't fought them. Perhaps I could have gone Zen and birthed in the car.

But they'd given me SO many herbs over the course of my labor that completely messed things up and caused me panic attacks, then they fed me *disgusting* food (I think they InaMay'd me with castor oil in scrambled eggs, but WITHOUT my knowledge or even implied permission) and they let me down even before transition hit...I just couldn't trust anything from them at all by that time.

So anyway, all that background is to say I understand the phrase, but I worry that someone reading might get stuck in only blaming themselves, when perhaps blame needs to be shared a bit.

Gosh I need to print out my letter to the "midwives"...they've already gotten another friend the way they got me...it's been over 8 months.

Hilariously, they left a message the other day, wanting to know my son's name to include him in their newsletter. ha ha ha, like THAT'S going to happen! :

Molly, I'm so sorry about what happened in your labor. That's awful. I agree w/ you about not blaming oneself. We can't control our emotions very well under the best of circumstances...I can olny imagine what it would be like in labor. For me, understanding how my emotions played into my c/s will help me be stronger and better prepared next time. My c/s was scheduled b/c DD was breech. I am sure that my intense fear played into keeping DD from turning and making the c/s essentially inevitable. I want to work through that this time, instead of letting the docs and the fear lead me. I hope there is something you can do to get the word out about those midwives. They sound worse than many OBs I know.

Molly -- write them a letter, you'll feel better. Write it and then sit on it for a while then go back and edit. I find this very helpful when I am upset about something.

I wish I had written to the OBs after ds#1, I just didn't know how to articulate my feelings for a very long time. And well, now it's been 6 years and the OB that delivered isn't even there any more! Most of my friends adore the practice b/c it's all women and they have a medwife! : All I know is the 2 doctors left were worse that the OB that delivered my son -- zero bed side manner if that is what's it could be classified as. Anyway...

I had an emergency c-section with my third, because I developed a Bandl's Ring during the end of labor and the pushing stage. This is an incredibly rare condition---and it was totally horrific. Imagine normal, intense labor pain magnified by 50,000, with the uterus constricting in the middle like someone tied a tourniquet around it and pulled it as tight as they could. Untreated, a Bandl's Ring results in eventual uterine rupture and death of Mom and Baby. Baby simply cannot get out and the uterus cannot "help" itself. No one knows exactly what causes it (and I was drug free with three doulas and an awesome woman OB), and most practitioners (OBs, midwives, MDs, etc.) have never seen one. Lucky me!! Since it is so rare, there are NO stats on VBAC or on whether Bandl's Ring tends to strike the same person again. My OB said to go for it though, that I should be able to successfully VBAC anyway. I'm 2 months pregnant with our fourth and am totally dedicated to having him/her VBAC. Wish me luck!

My 4th was an emergency C with a prolapsed cord....after she broke the water...awful...
Anyway...I had a V back successfully. Thank you Lord!! I was really petrified that I would have to have another C.

greetings!
My first baby was a c/s at 10 cm due to fetal distress.. my DS was a 'blue baby' at birth, mechonium in the lungs, week stay in icu, two weeks of iv antibiotics- the 9 yards.. he is wonderful and healthy today at 9 yrs old. There was no doubt of a vbac in my next pregnancies!!! second and third DS were born at hosp, fourth preg.DD was first hbac and must say the best birth of them all!!!
Now days the darn medical community SUCKS!!! I was told by doctor after doctor after doctor with my DD ( 3m now ) that the only way to get prenatal I would have to pre-consent for a 'scheduled repeat c/s'.... EVEN THOUGH THIS WAS TO BE MY 4TH VBAC!!!!!!! I finally found prenatal care hour and 45 min away from my home.. having every intention to do a UHBAC I went for prenatal with out telling the doc my plans.
6 days before my due date my water began to leak.. I kept an eye on my temp every 1/2 hour and drank water like a fish! ( my DH was on his way back to the states from the middle east and I so wanted him there for our daughters birth) two days before d.d labor finally began...we decided to go to the hosp to be safe since I had been leaking for 4 days at that time..
got to the hosp to find I was 4cm and told by the ON CALL dr that " you will be having your c/s now" OHHHH NO I WASNT!!!! the doc refused to birth my DD in any fashion other then a c/s! I was so distraut that I left the hosp and my labor completely STOPED! My mother made some phone calls for me and I ended up having DD at home 11:21p that evening with a WONDERFUL HEAVEN SENT WOMAN AT MY SIDE! she came to my house and helped with the birht of my DD and did not charge or think twice to come over and do so!

greetings!
6 days before my due date my water began to leak.. I kept an eye on my temp every 1/2 hour and drank water like a fish! ( my DH was on his way back to the states from the middle east and I so wanted him there for our daughters birth) two days before d.d labor finally began...we decided to go to the hosp to be safe since I had been leaking for 4 days at that time..
got to the hosp to find I was 4cm and told by the ON CALL dr that " you will be having your c/s now" OHHHH NO I WASNT!!!! the doc refused to birth my DD in any fashion other then a c/s! I was so distraut that I left the hosp and my labor completely STOPED! My mother made some phone calls for me and I ended up having DD at home 11:21p that evening with a WONDERFUL HEAVEN SENT WOMAN AT MY SIDE! she came to my house and helped with the birht of my DD and did not charge or think twice to come over and do so!

good for you sticking to your guns like that, I'm glad your mom found that angel to help you out!

I'm a VBAC momma on Dec. 28, 2004. My c/s was because baby was posterior and breaking my water caused him to get *stuck*. I pushed for four hours until I was literally screaming with pain. It hurt more than anything I had ever experienced.

My VBAC was NO PAIN it was very euphoric and energizing (I give credit to reading Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin and having NO ONE but dh and doula in laboring room...not to mention wanting it sooooo bad) Vbac baby was in perfect position and active labor only lasted 1 hour 47 mins. This was after my mom who had two c/s told me for nine months that my pelvis was too small, "just like me" she said. People will say anything!!

I had an emergency c-section with my third, because I developed a Bandl's Ring during the end of labor and the pushing stage. This is an incredibly rare condition---and it was totally horrific. Imagine normal, intense labor pain magnified by 50,000, with the uterus constricting in the middle like someone tied a tourniquet around it and pulled it as tight as they could. Untreated, a Bandl's Ring results in eventual uterine rupture and death of Mom and Baby. Baby simply cannot get out and the uterus cannot "help" itself. No one knows exactly what causes it (and I was drug free with three doulas and an awesome woman OB), and most practitioners (OBs, midwives, MDs, etc.) have never seen one. Lucky me!! Since it is so rare, there are NO stats on VBAC or on whether Bandl's Ring tends to strike the same person again. My OB said to go for it though, that I should be able to successfully VBAC anyway. I'm 2 months pregnant with our fourth and am totally dedicated to having him/her VBAC. Wish me luck!

My sisters boyfriend's sister had this condition while birthing twins! I'll send you some good lovin' energies!

No internal monitor, this could be an option I guess, but the sz of a golfball from it? It was a huge scab!

I'm still reading all the responses to this thread, but I wanted to comment on this before I forgot who said it. My son was born with a huge swelling on the right side of his head (there is a name for it, but I can't remember what). My water started leaking on Wednesday, but I didn't go into labor until Friday. I pushed for 4+ hours before transfering from the BC to the hospital. The doc said I was only 9 cm; apparently I had negatively dilated from the pressure of his head pushing against my cervix. Turns out his head was cocked to the side and his chin wasn't tucked in. The swelling eventually developed a scab the size of a golfball. The doc said my c/s was due to "size and position", but the truth is his size had nothing to do with it. He wasn't even 8 pounds and his head circumference was in the 30th percentile. It was just position. I still wonder what I could have done to change the outcome, but I will never know now. My body thought it was time to push, so I pushed, but it seems my cervix needed a little more time. So much for trusting your body, eh? I hope to have a VBAC someday, but I worry about finding a practice that will "allow" it. I'm not ready for a HBAC, and I know DH wouldn't support it (while I was in labor before I had to transfer to the hospital he did talk about maybe doing HB with DC2, but he was really freaked by the whole experience). I definitely want a doula this time though. DH is a sweety, but he's not assertive; I need someone to stand up for me.

and I know DH wouldn't support it (while I was in labor before I had to transfer to the hospital he did talk about maybe doing HB with DC2, but he was really freaked by the whole experience).

You never know...my husband was completely floored by the power of my transition, and was just wasted on adrenaline and exhaustion...I thought he wanted me to transfer to the hospital and so on, so we went.

But once he saw all that happened to me (think Monty Python's Meaning of Life and the machines that go "ping") and when he saw the brutality of the surgery and how they treated DS...plus how condescending the entire staff was to me, him, and the baby...hubby never ever wants to step foot in a hospital again, especially not for birth! He's actually now more in favor of unassisted birth than I am (and I'm very in favor of it), mainly because he saw what they did to me, while I was on an epidural and fentanyl, and fell asleep.

My first 3 births were vaginal. No problems during labor, but I hemorrhaged after #2 and #3 and both times ended up in the OR having a D&C and blood transfusions (2 with the first and 3 with the 2nd).

My first c/s came during pregnancy #4. I had twins who were both in a footling breech position and my obstetrician didn't give any alternative but a section to deliver them.

My second c/s came with the next pregnancy because my obstetrician (same woman who had delivered my twins) wasn't comfortable letting me attempt a VBAC since the baby was so big (9lb,12oz). She said that since the largest baby I had vaginally birthed was "only" 8lb,14oz, she wasn't comfortable letting me "attempt" a vaginal delivery. Of course, she had led me to believe, during the course of my pregnancy, that she would definitely support a VBAC and so, when she changed her mind at 38.5 weeks, I felt semi-screwed for finding someone else. I did talk to the other doctors in the practice (3 others) but none of them wanted to deliver me vaginally, either. So.....since I had a history of hemorrhaging and therefore didn't feel comfortable staying home to give birth, I agreed to the section. This was in Florida, btw.

Now that I'm back in Oregon, if I ever get pregnant again, I will definitely look for someone who will let me VBAC, even after 2 c/s. If I have to labor at home and show up at the hospital at the last minute, with the baby crowning, I will. I do NOT want another c/s ever again!!!

My second c/s came with the next pregnancy because my obstetrician (same woman who had delivered my twins) wasn't comfortable letting me attempt a VBAC since the baby was so big (9lb,12oz). She said that since the largest baby I had vaginally birthed was "only" 8lb,14oz, she wasn't comfortable letting me "attempt" a vaginal delivery. Of course, she had led me to believe, during the course of my pregnancy, that she would definitely support a VBAC and so, when she changed her mind at 38.5 weeks, I felt semi-screwed for finding someone else. I did talk to the other doctors in the practice (3 others) but none of them wanted to deliver me vaginally, either. So.....since I had a history of hemorrhaging and therefore didn't feel comfortable staying home to give birth, I agreed to the section. This was in Florida, btw.

You were screwed!!! I hope you tell those doctors what you think someday. How dare they tell a woman with prior vaginally delivered children that they aren't comfortable with it for size reason and for less than 1 freakin' pound.

My HBA2C was a 9.1 baby girl. The boys were 9.9 and 8.15 c/s. Doctors were negative from the start telling me no, homebirth was my only option. But I hear you on the hemorrage issue...