"I Have a Potentially Cancerous Mole on My Vulva"

Not long ago, I was singing Nashville soundtrack songs in the shower (per usual) and getting ready to shave when I spotted a spot. In a hard-to-see down-below area, somewhere in between my bikini line and frankly, my vulva, there was a small mole. After bending over and getting nice and personal with myself, I saw it had the irregular borders we're told could be skin cancer.

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I knew immediately that I would either have to let this mole go unchecked, which would obviously be stupid, or take it upon myself to present my Lotus Flower to my dermatologist (jazz hands optional.) Because dermatologists don't usually inspect vulvas (or penises or vaginas, for that matter) for skin cancer, citing privacy reasons. A few have confirmed this with me. My perfectly lovely derm normally just gives a super quick peek under my bra and underwear during my full body mole check. Whip out your hand mirrors, guys, because finding melanoma on our privates is pretty much up to us.

Lucky for me, a golden opportunity soon presented itself to get this vulvar mole checked out. In honor of Melanoma Month, MoleSafe, a high-tech, CSI-like melanoma screening program invited me to try out their process at New York University Medical Center. Instead of the usual naked-eye check that most dermatologists use to check for moles, MoleSafe photographs every mole on your body with a digital camera and a dermatoscope, an extremely high-res microscope that can see moles at a more intense level. Then they upload the images into a computer program and map them on to a crash test dummy-looking digital person for NYU's top dermatologists to examine and track year-to-year for even the slightest changes in color, shape and size.

When I arrived on May 6, Melanoma Monday, for what would be a rather intimate yet completely painless photo shoot, MoleSafe nurse and melanographer Maddie Pallamary very considerately asked if I'd be comfortable taking off my bra. It was up to me. Uh, did she have any idea what I submit to at the gynecologist? (Or the communal dressring room at a DVF sample sale?) Nude except for a thong, I gamely struck poses like the one you make while in the full-body scanner at the airport as Maddie, a consummate medical professional, snapped away at moles (or as my mother calls them, "beauty marks") all over my body.

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Exhibit A: My feet, blue manicure and all, in the MoleSafe computer system. I'm sparing you the close-up of my most intimate mole...

As Maddie finished up, I contemplated not saying anything about my "special" vulvar mole. It was going to be embarrassing to pull my thong aside and show her the goods. But then again, I was already topless and in my thong. And more importantly, I really don't want to die of skin cancer of the cooch. "Actually," I told Maddie. "There is one more."

This week, when my MoleSafe report came back, it found that of the 23 moles I had checked, the lesion on my vulva was the only "irregular naevus," or suspicious mole. And to think, I almost didn't have it checked because I was too embarrassed. Officially, it carries a "medium" risk of melanoma but my doctors don't seem too worried. I'll have to go back in three months to see if the mole has changed at all; if it has, it may be removed. If it hasn't, it will probably be fine. Many moles like this, I'm told, are simply irregular but not cancerous.

With a brand new interest in nether region skin cancer, I reached out to MoleSafe president Dr. Richard Bezozo, who informed me that melanoma isn't particularly common in the groin area (the most "popular" areas for melanoma are the upper back and lower legs). But he stresses that "melanoma can occur anywhere," adding that the folds of the butt, bottoms of the feet and fingers and toenails are among other overlooked areas. (As Maddie informed me, Bob Marley died of melanoma of the toenail; he thought it was a soccer injury.)

"You need to look at parts of your body that can be hard to see," Dr. Bezozo said. "You may need a mirror or you can have your partner do a thorough exam. It can be a Friday night date to do an evaluation with your partner." Who can argue with foreplay that could actually save your life?

I know firsthand that a suspicious crotch mole is not out of the question. The point of sharing my vulvar voyage is this: Check your privates for moles, because chances are, no one else will. And if you find one, don't be embarrassed to show it to your doctor.

Cosmo gals: Do you check your body, including your privates for dangerous moles? Will you start? Let us know in the comments...

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