Last night's Republican presidential debate moderators, in a gesture of cruelty posing as kindness, asked the candidates to wrap up by saying what they'd rather be doing with this Saturday night, giving them a chance to show off their human sides. If any of these people were human a year ago, though, they've long since left their humanity to die on the campaign trail.

So after Texas governor Rick Perry—continuing his audition to play Rick Perry on Saturday Night Live—declared he'd rather spend the evening at the "shooting range," Newt Gingrich piped up: "I'd be watching the college championship basketball game."

Advertisement

His opponents quickly piled on the corrections: Obviously what the ex-Speaker meant was the college football championship game. Rick Santorum said he and his family would be "huddled around" and watching the game on their Saturday night. "Afraid it's football. I love it," Mitt Romney chimed in, smugly.