mama knows best eh

“So what’s new, Mad?”

I don’t think I’m going to try and reflect some deep wisdom in this post, because it seems like every time I do that I read it a month later and I hate it. And then I delete it. Plus… that’s just dumb.

So here’s to hoping this post still exists in a month. Ha.

“So what’s new, Mad?” seems to be the question of the summer so far and it’s just such a funny one.

Hmmm.. what’s new. Nothing…? Everything…?!?! Me?!?!?!

Yeah. It’s a toughie.

I mean I released an EP… Pretty positive I’ll be returning to USC in the Fall (fingers crossed)… I have bangs?! I don’t know… Got a new tattoo, um.. I’m learning to play guitar..

Yeah. I guess those are the usual ones I spit out.

A couple days ago I went to the Getty Center (go) and saw this cool special exhibit on paintings from the 18th century, specially commissioned by magistrates and the pope, to capture important moments/places in their cities. At least I am pretty sure it was that.

It was pretty cool. Especially because I have always had this weird obsession with drawing buildings..? But these paintings were so masterfully done and captured not only these places but scenes that defined the places’ history AND the way that people reacted to them. The facial expressions and attention to detail was wild.

Anyway. There was this one moment I had with one of the paintings that I have been thinking about frequently since going.

Prepare yourself for the cheese.

I saw this one painting of some fleet of ships fighting near this dock and it had something to do with Charles III of somewhere getting somethinged. Not sure if he was killed or died or left or whatever. But there was a whole crowd of people on the shore. There had to be hundreds of terrified faces. I looked at them for so long that I forgot what the whole painting was about… each little person looked sad for a different reason… And then I stepped back and I remembered what it was about.

Weird.

It was like I looked at the details of how they felt for so long that I forgot what the bigger picture meant. Hm. Wonder if I do that in real life.

It’s easy for my emotions to be swayed easily, because I am an empathetic person and so I feel not only my own feelings but a lot of other people’s feelings too. And man, I think that’s probably why I love alone time so much. You sit me in a corner and I will love it. I go to movies alone, I go to restaurants alone, I pretty much don’t do anything unless I would do it alone.

I need alone time to figure out which feelings are mine and which are other people’s.

It’s just I want everyone to be happy. But after a long time I’ve realized that’s not really my job. But that also kind of IS my job exactly… because that is one of the big reasons I am a musician— to spread love and happiness. And sometimes that confuses my efforts and I feel like I personally owe people things, when I’ve already sort of dedicated my life to their cause indirectly… and I gotta take care of myself too. So don’t feel bad for me if you see me out on the town by myself- it’s probably my happy place. 😉

Funny because (after I deleted my most recent post) the one before that is a post about attention to detail. Contradictory?

No, I think there’s a difference between appreciating detail and being blind to how small things fit into the grand scheme.

So I guess what’s new is I am trying to figure out which small things I want to fit into what big picture.

So be happy people! Do things that make you happy.. don’t judge each other’s happiness and if you’re having a hard time maybe try and look at the big picture.

I guess that’s kind of all I have to say. Ramble. Whatever.

Maybe this made sense, maybe not. But I mean— why else do I put in pictures?? ;P