Wednesday, January 04, 2006

I was reading this website the other day of this girl who is so nice and talented and sweet and pretty, you almost want to hate her, but you really just can't. And she was talking about how, in previous years, her attempts at new year resolutions failed because all of her goals involved giving something up. "I'm going to stop over-spending, stop eating fattening desserts, give up some of my free time to go to the gym, etc..." How can one really succeed at something when, from the get-go, it is viewed as punishment and sacrifice? Once the momentary motivation wears off, what is there to keep you going? It's not fun anymore.. and then you regress back to those old ways.

This all rang so true for me. It seems I can only "stay on the wagon" for a short time before I am falling off at every bump and pothole and eventually left behind for good. Maybe I am subconsciously setting myself up for failure because deprivation is never a very attractive option to me.

So in light of this, I made a few lists. Lists that made me reflect on my past year and lists that make me want to run into this new year with open arms and dive right in.

10 Things I Learned in 2005:1. That Mike loves me.2. How to manually take pictures on a fully-automated digital camera.3. That New York City is not the scary place TV makes it out to be.4. That although I miss the city like crazy, I can survive suburban life in T-mec and still be happy.5. That art also makes me happy.6. That professionally, graphic design is the path I want to take. For once in my life, I feel sure about "what I want to do when I grow up."7. Although I used to think Portland or Seattle was my dream city, I could see myself as an East Coast girl someday.8. That as much I love being back in school and feeling like I am no longer spinning my wheels, some days, ditching class is the only answer.9. That conceptual art is tough for me, but the finished product is worth it.10. That I no longer feel like I am searching for someone or that something is missing in my relationship. The peace I find in Mike is a new feeling for me... and I think I like it.

10 Things I am Grateful for:1. The seemingly endless supply of encouragement, love and support I get from my partner.2. My camera3. A computer with the software I need to be able to work at home.4. My nieces and nephew5. My tenacity6. My creativity7. My family and the knowledge that they will always be there8. My independence9. My memories10. My openness and acceptance that allows me to experience new people and things and not be closed-minded

10 Things I Intend to Create in my Life in 2006:1. A stronger sense of financial responsibility and independence2. Self-promotion of my design abilities3. To take more pictures of people and apply my photographic knowledge to formal portraiture4. To learn how to cook simple, healthful meals from scratch (and expand our current nightly menu of frozen dinners)5. To become more of a morning person6. To set aside time for friends, with and without Mike.7. To complete a 5K or the Muddy Buddy Run.8. To stretch myself conceptually in my art work9. To assert my tastes and make my current residence more of my home.10. To keep the sense of peace I feel in my relationship and to put the past in the past - and keep it there.

I know this has been somewhat long-winded, but it's been a long year that we've just ended and another long year is ahead of us. I feel like I've learned a lot and I've grown a lot and I'm looking forward to the experiences that will affect me this year.