UPROXX Live Q&A With ‘Archer’s’ Amber Nash And Lucky Yates, AKA The Voices Of Pam Poovey And Doctor Krieger – “Is Lucky your real name, or do people call you that because of the time you slipped in pee-pee and got a structured cash settlement?” [UPROXX]

Here’s The Mitt Romney/Eminem Mashup You’ve All Been Waiting For – On the surface he looks calm and ready to drop bombs, but he keeps on forgetting what he wrote down. [UPROXX]

5 Artists You Missed At SXSW While Waiting In Line To See Rick Ross – Rick Ross should’ve performed all four seconds of his verse from ‘Monster’, threw up his hands, yelled “THANK YOU AUSTIN” and disappeared. [Smoking Section]

Michael Bay And Michaelangelo Respond To The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Kerfuffle – “Relax, friends, I’m working with a guy in a TMNT shit from Hot Topic and he and I think aliens are awesome, so shut up. The first draft of our script is just the words ‘green explosion’ written on 150 sheets of paper.” [Gamma Squad]

Cousin Oliver from the Brady Bunch would like to report a Ninja Turtle sodomy – Meanwhile, ‘3J’ from ‘Family Matters’ would like to report that he is extremely hungry. [Film Drunk]

5 Bleak British Television Series That Will Kick In Your Pretty American Teeth – ‘Fawlty Towers’ should be on here, that sh*t was bleak. Poor Basil Fawlty can’t get one second of peace in his entire life. [Warming Glow]

The Cast Of “American Pie”: Then & Now – This is just an excuse to juxtapose Tara Reid photos, isn’t it? Also, Shannon Elizabeth needs to start aging somewhere other than the neck. [Buzzfeed]

Kimmel Unveils Rick Santorum-Approved Pornography – Not looking forward to this guy being President and me having to masturbate with a handful of gravel. [HuffPost Comedy]

Modern-Day Icarus – Not interested in seeing this guy’s contraption again unless he’s plummeting down a cliffside during a mission in Red Dead Redemption. [High Definite]