Interviews

One of my favourite bands, BTS, just released a phenomenal new song entitled “Lights” and it could not have come at a better time.

After ending up in the ER, again, I relied on listening to BTS as a distraction from the severe pain I was in. I couldn’t have gotten through that night without the support of my dojo family. They were by my side through the entire ordeal and that gave me the strength to pull through it.

I’ll admit that it took me longer than usual to recover from it. But it was a valuable lesson which made us realize that we had to shift the focus of my training and avoid pushing myself too far. Now I have to learn how to adjust my life around my physical disabilities and limitations. It’s not easy and it can be extremely frustrating at times, especially when it catches me off guard.

That’s exactly what happened, I never saw it coming. When my chronic spinal pain suddenly escalated from a pain scale of 8 to 12 within minutes, I shut down emotionally and physically. It’s days like that when it becomes unbearable and very difficult to manage. Even the ER doc was limited with what he could do in terms of bringing it under control due to the regulations of opioids. I kept asking for Demerol which is one of the few drugs that works and I’m not allergic to but he refused to administer it. After I was dismissed from the ER, I was still in a massive amount of pain and very groggy. I came very close to going back to the ER a few hours later.

I’m a strong believer that everything happens for a reason and I know that this was a necessary experience for me and everyone involved. It made us realize the truth and extent of my chronic pain.

When I read the lyrics for the song “Lights” I was blown away by how perfect their timing was. Their words touched my heart and soul. It was exactly what I needed right now. The song is such a great reflection of what I go through on a daily basis. It gives me hope. I love how they emphasized relying on others to shine a light in the darkness. They remind us that it’s okay to feel helpless and believe that things will change. There’s nothing wrong with being scared or feeling weak. It’s up to us to rise out of the darkness and learn to move forward without fear. Every moment has its own meaning and that’s what I believe in.

These words in particular struck me:

“Angels who know pain, Flying with scars all over through the night” and “I'm breaking down but there's a light, Morning will come no matter how painful a night”. For me, that rings so true.