Your Humble Scribe

Monday, May 14, 2012

Well bugger.

More specifically, it seems that I have broken the fifth metacarpal in my right hand, a/k/a the bone connected to my little finger.

It says something about me that the next question is answered by: "Rabbit punches."

Why, yes, I am a dirty fighter.

Over the years my fighting style has (semi)unconsciously moved from a really vicious and dirty straight-out-of-the-gutter striking discipline to a judo/sambo-based grappling style. While the transition is mostly due to my being inside the jail where knuckle-dragging back-up is always within eye-sight, the officers are the only ones with boots, and everything is under the unblinking eye of cameras (To a camera, a dropping hip-throw looks ever so much kinder than a shovel hook to the liver. The recipient may beg to differ -- landing on a concrete floor with 170-pounds of me using his rib-cage as a cushion seems to engender a sudden belief in the mercy and benevolence of Insert Major Organised Religious Figure Here -- but the recipient's opinion on the matter doesn't count)

[note from Phlegmmy- he's been typing this with his brace off. I told him if he was meant to remove the brace for typing, the folks at the hospital would have told him, "Keep this brace on except when you want to type something." What do YOU think? *exasperation* I say if half the planet can type one-handed, then he can muster, too. I'm told it's quite common on the Intarw3bs.]

I would be remiss, however, if I didn't admit that getting older has no small influence on the shift. Punching and kicking, and the slipping of same, is really a young man's game. A two-hour work-out on the focus-mitts, the heavy bag, and sparring leaves me downing Tylenol like candy and requiring assistance to get out of bed the next morning.

Two hours of judo practice, on the other paw, leaves me with the slight "good" ache that usually goes away before supper.

Unfortunately, in cases of sudden, unplanned dynamic social interaction I tend to default to the gutter and the Glasgow kisses, ear slaps, fish-hooks, gouges, rabbit-punches, knee shots to the groin, elbows into the eye-brow, kidney shots, liver shots, floating rib shots and all the other goodness that is the result of a childhood in the overseas oilfield staffed by multi-national veterans of wars ranging from World in scope down to the nasty little bush wars of the 60's and 70's.

*sigh*

Ah, well. I see the orthopaedist tomorrow. In the mean-time, it's a deuced inconvenience.

He left one of my favorites from his repertoire, but I don't know how to verbalize it in one or five words. I will caution, however, that if one is finds oneself a guest at one of the county facilities and arse-up whilst engaging in a wrestling match with several of the county officers, do not be surprised when a certain redhead delivers some voltage to the region betwixt the berries and the part that goes over the fence last. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

Being in the same line of work, and officially a "short timer" (over 20 years of service, less than one year to retirement eligibility), I have to say that I learned a long time ago that punches and hard blocks are for suckers.

I started as a teen in Tae Kwon Do, but luckily had some cross-training in Judo, Hapkido, and Hwarang-do. I was briefly exposed to, but didn't formally study, Aikido.

When I signed onto the current job many years later, our official self defense techniques were all Aikido-based, and I became a believer.

And speaking of camera-friendly techniques, don't forget digging a knuckle into a ganglion, particularly behind the ear. There is no punch, no abuse, just a grown man who looks silly claiming he was abused while screaming like a 10 year old girl.

With respect, Ms. Fatale, the reportoire was a list of things Our Hero can do without mechanical assistance. Using a tool to apply high voltage discouragement, while I'm sure it makes a hilarious story, isn't usually bragging material.

Think long and hard before allowing a surgical response even if the money grubber in the white coat recommends it. I had a simple broken fibula last July. Surgery left me with a plate and screws and the blood supply to my ankle cut off resulting in the avascular necrosis of my talus. Keep that splint on - and type one handed. You're not in a hurry to go to work with that broken hand, are you?

My sainted father practically beat into me the philosophy that only in dire emergancies should a man hit another man with a bare hand. That is why G-d gave us the intellect to make clubs, knives and firearms. My Insane Uncle was a beat cop in days of yore '46 through '70 in Seattle, I still have his "duty gloves" which have pouches filled with dust shot over the knuckle area and the base of the fingers in the palm. When Officer Bud clobbered you, you dang well stayed clobbered. He was also in the first wave onto Iwo Jima in WWII, for whatever that's worth and it seemingly caused hime to have quite a low threshold for the application of lethal force, although I never heard of him seriously injuring an opponent while on duty. Split eyebrows, broken noses, and the odd eye swollen shut, but the other guy took the brunt of it. Every. Time. Oh, his SPD issued night stick still contains about a pound and a half of lead cast into it. U.S.Marines; no better friends, no worse enemies.

Mr. Dog, sir, do I need to read you the same lecture I gave my 14 year old son when he broke his wrist this past winter? The brace keeps the fracture from shifting further. If it shifts it can cause severe inflamation, which in turn can cause tissue damage, nerve damage or both. Because you are diabetic, you are already more vulnerable to such unpleasantness. Keep The Damned Brace On! (This, of course, from the woman who got so fed up with the cast on her foot that she threatened to soak it so the doc would have to take it off sooner. I didn't do it, but I did get it off a few days early. When my younger daughter came home from a 24 hour on call shift, she stopped dead in the doorway and said "Mama! You did it!". She found it entirely believable that I had.)

Seriously, Mr. Dog, listen to your Lady and take care of that paw, and I hope you heal quickly and painlessly.

I would vote for a hard cast. Even if just cracked, and not a full break. Hmm, especially if cracked. Problem there, is it gets to feeling ok, you do something you shouldn't, and zing! you crack it open again. Several times. Eventually, you learn to stop doing things, and it eventually heals, but we are talking a lonngg time. Best to do it right, at the beginning.

It was the same bone, except behind my little toe. I was about 13yo. From late summer to late spring, that foot got taped up multiple times. I learned to move around very slowly. Afterwards, it bothered me for many years.

So, you do have an offhand holster for your normal carry piece(s), yes?

Hope you are feeling better and got the mitt taken care of. Trust me, simply saying "Screw this for a game of soldiers" and taking off the brace - while an understandable itch - will make the next couple of years rather suck.

I'm a klutz who hates a fuss, so by the age of 14 I already knew how to surreptitiously set borked knuckles, broken fingers, pop my shoulder (and knees) back into their sockets, and even stitch myself back together - just to avoid the dreaded Sigh of Doom from mom and get hauled off to the ER to be met with a "Really? Again?" by one of the docs. Handy skills yes for a gal to have, but the slightly offset nature of most of my fingers from setting wrong - and the fact that at 32 my hands sound like a bag of nuts being crunched when I get up in the morning (we won't even go into that first morning shuffle towards the Life Giver - Aleve - from broken ribs & bits of my back... I confess. Few things honestly scare me after the life I've had thus far, but the knowledge of how MUCH this is gonna hurt as I get older does keep me reminded to build my Good Whiskey stocks and keep them full) should be used as a golden testament that taking care of your own medical bits, while likely logical....

IS DRATTED DIMWITTED!

Heal quick. Listen to your lady. And practice with your off mitt for awhile. (And possibly look into buying the diction software so you can just talk and let the computer type)

Old!? From my perspective, 'Dog, you're still a kid. But...remember whatever you do now WILL revisit you in the coming years. Yep, the results of scraps, contusions, sprains, torn muscles, tendons and ligaments will become constant attendees.

Hey, Dawg--- iffen the medics keep ya orf duty fer a spell, howsabout letting the left paw bang out some more stories, like Pink Gorrilla, the Ratel Saga, Two Beers!!, or the continuing saga of the Hunt for Sumdude.....please? Pretty please w/a dog biskit on top? Can't get enough of yur writtin' style, you need to do a book or sumthin'... JohninMd(help?)

As my mentor says, there is no such thing as "dirty fighting." There is only fighting.I jammed my pinky a couple of weeks ago, and that still hurts like you wouldn't believe. I hope you heal up fast.Especially what with all the other stuff you've apparently got going on. Looking forward to the continuation of the most recent story, between your first installment and AD's comments.FWIW, I had pleurisy years ago, and spent a few nights in the upright, shallow breathing position.