Life has a way of hitting us upside the head when we least expect it. Sometimes we stumble. Other times we fall and struggle to get back up again.

Some people never do.

Battered by circumstance, they become bitter and angry or depressed and despondent. An indescribable ache fills their hearts. A cloudy haze drapes their minds in indifference to anything but their own pain. Even their souls seem to become worn, ripped, ragged and broken.

Others, however, seem to bounce back relatively quickly. They crash and hurt and cry and scream like everyone else, for sure. But they don’t seem to remain curled up and beat up for very long. They rise to their feet and start walking forward again.

What’s the difference between the two reactions to pain and tragedy? Why do some people weather the storms of life better than others?

Notable Quotables: Below are quoted insights into the condition of adversity from some of the blogosphere’s most insightful authors.

They reveal some of those differences and point us in a direction that will help you regain your emotional footing even in the midst of life’s most violent storms.

Note: Their quotes here, however, do not mean they would necessarily agree with what I add.

“In the journey to have a radiant soul, there will be moments when we are tested and our will is tried. Perseverance is necessary and we must stay dedicated to this desire if we are to succeed.”

Call it what you will – God, Life, the Universe, Mother Nature, happenstance, whatever – this life is a testing ground. We are being stretched, tried and challenged to rise from where we’re at to travel the distance needed to get to where we could be.

Whether we’re tested doesn’t seem to be at issue. All of us will be to one degree or another. When and how it will come seems at best to be of secondary importance as well. What happens will happen, after all.

But there are some profoundly important questions to ask (and answer!): When it comes, for instance, will I be prepared to persevere and weather the storm? Do I have the moral muscle fiber to stand tall when life is beating me up? Or if the beating is just too violent (and sometimes it is), do I have the emotional grit necessary to stand again once the beating has stopped?

Developing the courage, the perseverance, the commitment to stay the course and the will equal to the violence of the trial can help keep us focused and able to struggle back to our feet when the world and all of heaven seems to be scraping and scratching at the flesh of our bleeding hearts.

“I found that this one simple question can dramatically change your interpretation of every experience. When you ask yourself the question what’s possible as opposed to how am I going to get out of this mess, a world of potential options open up to you.”

Our perceptions of things makes all the difference to how we deal with our challenges. Do we see ourselves as victim to an abusive and vindictive universe? Or do we see pain and adversity as a normal part of the experience called life?

If when trials come, your eye is transfixed singly on escape, there will be lessons left unlearned and values left cracked or shattered on the concrete of compromise and expediency as we look for ways out of the messes we or others or life have created.

Better questions will be left unasked. Potential therefore left untapped. Opportunity for growth left unrecognized.

Three Alternative Approaches:

1) Accept the inevitability of pain and tribulation. Don’t resent it or even necessarily resist it. Trials will come. Challenges will descend. Never seek trials for the lessons they teach, but don’t get caught impotently screaming to the heavens, “Why me?!” either.

Each of us will experience some of life’s grittiest, ugliest and hardest circumstances to endure. We age and loved ones die and cancer ravages and accidents happen and people are people who betray and disappoint at times. But, in the end, we grow most when we climb the mountains of adversity, developing moral muscle we didn’t know we had. And that’s just what we’re here for.

2) Seek the lesson being taught. Look for what life is trying to uncover about you, about life or human nature. Ask yourself these four questions: 1) What can I learn from this? 2) What do these difficulties reveal to me about my strengths or weaknesses? 3) Where is life or God pointing me? 4) What opportunities are being revealed to me? (this was Srinivas’ insightful question)

3) Know this too shall pass. No matter how bleak the horizon may appear to you now, there will be a time when you can look back at this moment as a distant memory. Keep focused on that fact, that there will be an end. Sometimes the most painful part of weathering a storm is the sense that the storm will last forever. It won’t. And knowing that can help.

“You can’t predict most life events, so trying to control your life and those around you only breeds fear, anxiety, and unhappiness. Instead, recognize and acknowledge that mostly good things happen to you. Put your time and energy into enjoying those moments.”

It is seemingly a quirk of human nature to amplify the miserable and deemphasize the quietly nice and pleasant in life. As our minds review the day or week, we often skim by the smiles and hugs and little generosities we regularly experience, stopping at the angry tone, the rude comment and insensitive remark made by others.

But that’s not an accurate interpretation of life. Think about yesterday. Some bad stuff may have happened. But if you were to walk through the day, minute by minute, I bet almost every single one of you experienced more good than bad.

Sure, the bad feeling from such encounters may have stayed with you. But the reality of the day is not likely the “reality” your memory created. So create a more accurate reflection of the day and feel glad for all the good that happened to you too!

“Imagine the worst scenario and then try to create a plan how you could get on your feet again if that scenario, against all probability, should happen. You’ll then most often realize that whatever your fear is you could probably get back on your feet and back to your normal life pretty quickly once again.”

Imagination can be our greatest friend (a la Einstein and Disney). But it can also be our greatest enemy as we conjure up images of the worst kind that breeds fear in our hearts and lead in our feet.

So developing a game plan for the very darkest scenarios your imagination can conjure up is a valuable tool for overcoming the obstacles of fear, worry and anxiety over all the vivid possibilities of failure and collapse imaginable.

Traveling through a strange land without street signs can be a daunting and scary challenge. But doing it with a roadmap and a plan is much less so.

“Of all of the bad things that have happened, the worst by far is living in fear of bad things happening. Living in fear is the most debilitating, energy-draining, and painful existence of all. It’s like the steady drip, drip, drip of water torture.”

Fear is the great immobilizer. It locks up the tires of our desire and causes us to skid to a stop on the side of life’s road, sometimes lying belly-up in a ditch! There are so many possible scenarios whereby everything in our lives crashes down on us. But there are countless scenarios that paint a much happier picture, one of adventure and possibility and immense joy as well. The paralysis of fear guarantees failure. When we fail to step, we fail to move. When we fail to move, the pools of our lives become stagnant.

The alternative to action is inaction. But if failure is guaranteed by inaction, you might as well take the step into your fears. Remember, courage is not the absence of fear. It is the willingness to do what needs to be done despite that fear.

“I do not care what, who, when, or how often life tries to take you down a path you did not intend to go. If you feel the pressure and things are not going the way they should, CHANGE DIRECTION.”

Sometimes life tries us. When we persevere, we build moral and emotional muscles that help us over the next bump in the road of life. At other times, however, we are just knocking our heads against a wall, getting bruised and bloodied and need to stop.

Knowing the difference between the two conditions is where wisdom and insight and foresight become particularly important. Knowing ourselves intimately helps. Knowing the nature or cause of the trial helps too.

But ultimately, the decision for a course change has to reside in you. Just remember to consider others who may be affected by that change in direction. Sometimes such considerations should have no impact. Sometimes they should. But either way, they shouldn’t be ignored.

Afterthoughts

Do you feel battered and bruised by life? Are you suffering heartbreak and heartache? Does fear keep you pinned in the corner of your own life? Are you trapped by circumstance?

Most of the time, most of our challenges can be reduced if not completely transformed with a few changes in the way we think and interpret and perceive things. At other times, we may need more help. I encourage you to get it professionally if that’s the case.

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I did some meditating back when I was a young adult, but fell out of the practice and never really picked it up again. Prayer has some similar qualities (or at least can have some), but I need to give it another go. I’ve long read of everyone extolling its virtues. So maybe that will be one of the changes I make in 2012!

“Of all of the bad things that have happened, the worst by far is living in fear of bad things happening. Living in fear is the most debilitating, energy-draining, and painful existence of all. It’s like the steady drip, drip, drip of water torture.”

What an intense thought but so true of how things can be. Our FEAR of failure is what makes stepping out so hard. Our FEAR of the unknown makes bouncing back so hard, I think. These are excellent thoughts on the subject. I think if we could eliminate the fear, we would see a lot more people taking chances and bouncing back from when things don’t work the way they expect. Great thoughts, my friend!Bryan Thompson recently posted … How Running Can Be the Cheapest Therapy Ever

Barrie has some great lines chock full of wisdom, to be sure! You make an excellent point too: fear does keep us from bouncing back after a fall. Often, when we get burned, we’re a bit timid about reaching our hands out too far for fear of getting unexpectedly burned again. And so we encage ourselves in loneliness and self-pity and anger and fear.

It is the elimination of it, as you so wisely say, that opens the door to that self-imprisoned cage and we can walk freely again, heal and move on.

Thanks for the insight, my friend. Hope your New Year is treating you well!

The greatest challenge I seem to face now is time and focus. I feel that I’m not able to keep up with all the things I want to accomplish and my focus is too widely scattered. I think I’ll have to really hone in on what my priorities are and then make a plan to focus on first things first. Actually, I should probably make a plan for the next year and set my goals. Sounds like a great weekend project.

A book I highly recommend is titled, “The Art of Meditation” by Joel S. Goldsmith. It seems to be right up my alley. Joel has several other books available and I can’t wait until I can get my hands on them.

I’m glad you liked the concept. There’s just so much out there that is so quotable and wanted to share a tiny slice of it here. This will be an ongoing periodic series here. I think this is about the third or fourth one so far.

I was just listening to a report that quoted a study that found that graduate students who set goals had a 30% improved likelihood of graduating. So yes, set a goal or two over the weekend. It will help focus your mind and actions toward its accomplishment.

“The Art of Meditation.” I’ll head to the library over the weekend and see if I can check it out. Thank you so much for the suggestion!

Thanks, Marianne. You have a great weekend of fun-filled goal setting yourself! 🙂

Thank you so much! I had fun creating it. Just another way to connect. 2011 has been a crazy ride. I’m finding all the things I have to do has pushed commenting on other blogs to the backseat. But I’ll soon find some balance in my blogging activities and get back to saying hello and leaving comments around.

To overcome challenges I always pray first and then remember second. I remember how I made it through the last challenge and then I simply repeat that process.Fawn recently posted … Your Best Life in 60 Seconds…or Less

That’s a great “system,” for lack of a better word! I really like it. I’m a praying man myself and find great comfort and solace and guidance in it. But what I particularly like is the order of events. “I pray first, then remember second.” And I loved what you remember as well: “I remember how I made it through the last challenge.” It’s so easy to feel like things will never clear up, like the storm will never recede. So I really like how you use your own history to remind yourself of the reality our imaginations of utter doom and gloom can sometime obscure.

Great comment, Fawn! Thank you so much for sharing it. I believe others will benefit from reading it.

Hello Ken,
Meeting life’s challenges is daunting for most of us. I’ve discovered that the fear of an event is nearly always far more frightening than the event itself.
In my encounter with cancer I found that everyone was sheltering and supporting me, from family to medics. I also found I was only one of many going through the process and that was strengthening too.
Keeping a journal helped most of all because it showed me what I could deal with and that ‘fear has the largest eyes of all.’Linda Hewett recently posted … Struggling To Make The Right Decision? Here’s My Positive Spin On How to Do It.

It’s always so good to see you here! While certainly not always the case, it seems that our fear of things is often worse than the reality of it. Some fear is understandable. We SHOULD fear lions while trapped in a lions den. We shouldn’t feel much of it at all when we’re on the outside and they’re on the inside.

While I haven’t kept a journal in a long time, I’ve frequently advocated its use to people who were going through some very rough spots in their lives and felt like giving up. Thanks for the reminder!

I can relate to much of this post, I had a very tough last few years especially last year, I was unemployed, having my first child, dealing with an anxiety disorder and planning a wedding all within 5 months. My wife and mother were also at each others throats, I had every reason to feel bad for myself and have a ton of pity parties, which I did.

Time does heal everything but at the time it felt like a was living a nightmare that had no end, people would give me advice to get me out of it but really there were just a few simple things that got me through it and feeling better than ever in the end.

1. When I was searching for a job I was rejected probably 5 times a week, that can ruin your ego and spirit, so what I did was think outside the box, I would call the managers of the companies directly and get aggressive, build rapport, introduce myself, I would get on LinkedIn and research the @#!*% out of all the people in my desired field at the company, eventually I made enough contacts and landed the job of my dreams. My point is that after applying online to 100 jobs a day and no responses I finally got out of my comfort zone and hit a home run, doing the same thing over and over again will usually yield the same result, simple but hard to put into practice.

2. When we are feeling anxious and depressed about our lives we tend to forget the effects our mood and actions have on our loved ones. I lost sight of that and almost sabotaged my marriage and friendships. Making an effort to heal yourself first is not a selfish act, in fact its the best medicine. Without happiness and self love you simply can not give it back to anyone. Once I realized that my wife and close friends felt like they were walking on egg shells around me I took notice and lightened up. We get so involved in our own minds that we simply forget that our moods can effect vast numbers of people each day.

I’m happy to say that after a year of utter misery I came out the other end a better more balanced person. I appreciate the bad as well as the good times because I know the difficult days were waves making the rocks of my life smoother.

Rick, this was beautifully and poignantly written. Thank you so very much for this amazing comment! You should consider making it a post on your blog!

That’s awesome that you were able to start researching on Linkedin while you were feeling so down. Taking positive action is often the hardest thing to do when you’re feeling down and depressed. So kudos to you for doing the hard thing.

To be able to recognize the impact you’re having on others when your mood goes south is truly an honorable quality.

Wow! I can’t even begin to think about how to answer your questions without writing an epistle. However, I felt the need to comment and thank you for your words. I found the quotes you chose inspiring and truthful. I think I agreed with almost everything except the idea about having a game plan for the next catastrophy in your life. Now, like Fawn, I pray first. But I find the grace, which I believe comes from God, the grace for each challenge doesn’t usually come until the challenge itself comes. And so I trust God to help me as things happen. As the old hymn says ‘Grace for today and bright hope for tomorrow’…. Thanks for creating some challenging statements for me to think about.Wendy Love recently posted … Subscription Option

Thank you so much, Wendy! I’m so glad you were able to find something helpful here.

You make some really great points. Here’s my take on the planning issue. It’s not so much that I would plan a precise reaction to a particular trial. But sometimes even that can be helpful. It’s recommended, for instance, that children think through and even practice how they will respond to a bully should they encounter one. The stress in the moment can be so high, their minds blank out and they freeze. But by practicing a preset game plan, they are in a more empowered position to take appropriate action. I think we can do that in other circumstances as well. How will we perform if we are bullied or betrayed or tempted? Sometimes by thinking out possible responses and reactions to life’s difficulties, we are better able to react to them in the short run with greater calm and dignity.

I’m truly honored to be mentioned here! You pulled together some amazing sources of inspiration, and your added insight is wonderful. Our will to persevere and overcome failure is a valuable lesson that is essential to long-term success. Thanks for sharing this wisdom!Joe recently posted … How to Be a Champion in the Game of Life

These kinds of posts are among my favorite to write. I love finding great thoughts by people I respect. I love sharing their wisdom here. And I love piggybacking off their quotable comments making me sound wise and eloquent. 🙂

I have long felt your voice is an important voice for growth, Joe. So as long as you keep sharing quotable insight, I’ll periodically scoop up a handful of your words and throw them into another post like this.

I have a college degree in history. I teach economics and U.S. Government to high school seniors. There are levels of poverty we can’t understand in the West. There is economic, political, ethnic and religious displacements that destroys families. Some experience a state of near perpetual civil war that torments their people. There is torture and corruption and oppression around the world that makes what we’re experiencing seem very mild indeed.

It is in these circumstances that fear just may be the norm. But is it the healthiest?

As far as imagining the worse scenario, I would agree with you and should have clarified. Thanks for making me do it here!

Sitting around thinking up all kinds of possible disasters is no way to live. Imagining life’s worse-case scenarios undermines happiness as well.

Rather, the exercise is to imagine how you will RESPOND to those challenges.

PS: Thanks for always posting thoughtful comments. I truly love a good challenge to my way of thinking. I either have a chance to clarify and hone my ability to communicate important ideas clearly or I learn something new. Either way, I win! 🙂

Hi Ken, I do think fear can be a functional response. I do think there are problems when it becomes a habit (which I feel is what you may be thinking). E.g. children from abusive backgrounds, or a war zone, who find it difficult to relax. I think fear, and other emotions, are meant to be responses to a specific situation that change and we move on from.

Thanks for the clarification about the worst case scenario idea.

Re your response to Wendy. My guess is that it is important to not just think through the options but to get practise in ‘play’. Especially for kids but for adults too. And that these things are about present possibilities rather than an imagined scenario.

Can’t disagree with anything you said, Evan. You added a dimension that was needed here. Thanks for sharing that.

When my daughter was younger, we did the same thing you suggested. We had her practice responses to situations like being offered drugs and the like. Peer pressure can be very strong, but having practiced how you will respond to those moments can empower us to actually respond that way.

Lots of wisdom in your words, Even. Thank you so much for adding them to this conversation!

In life, we always face life challenges, the key is to learn to from the experiences and move on. Once we realize that we are beautifully made and can achieve whatever we want to, we will be on the right path to conquering our life. These are some wonderful qutoes Ken and they help raise our awareness. Thanks for sharingDia recently posted … Top excuses for not achieving your goals

It’s all about learning the lessons we can pick up from going through difficult challenges life throws at us, isn’t it? If we learn well, we come out better and stronger, more able to deal with the next trial. Adversity has a tempering affect on our personalities and character if we let it. Thanks for reminding us of the importance of this, my friend!

I am a kind of type 1, my reactions for pain and tragedy are always very intensive, but they are never long-lasting. At first, I always scream and cry and insult everybody who are in my environment, but after a while I always got chilled. I haven’t found the right method to chill myself, but your tips could help me to take control of my intensive reactions and chill down as soon as possible.Cindy recently posted … Fear of the dentist

I actually have a very simple and very old method that almost seems simplistic, but I think can help with your blowups. Ready? Count to ten. That’s it. Then count to 20. Then longer. Then in that period during the count, ask yourself some questions, like what’s the big deal? Or see yourself as though on a TV screen and laugh at how worked up you’re getting.

It’s been said that there is a gap between stimulus and response and that we can stretch the size of that gap and fill it with different information that can then change the nature of our response.

Give it a try and let me know how it works, over time. It won’t likely be very successful the first handful of times, but stay at it until that gap between the things that usually set you off and your angry and painful reaction to it begins to grow.

Ken:
OMG I AM this person who keeps going and getting up and looking for the best in myself! Pat myself on the back. I’m so glad this is the post I picked to read today.

I look back over my life and recognize my unrelenting drive to heal, and I can honestly say that ONE TRAIT is responsible for everything in my life now. I had a knowing twenty-three years ago that the self-improvement path I was about to embark upon would be what worked in life, but I never anticipated some of the adventures and triumphs that would come out of it!

I’m with you 100%! If only others so steeped in their own pain and misery would just take that step like you did. I wonder, what prompted you to take that initial step? And why do you think others don’t take it?

I suppose the road can look daunting. So many miles to travel to lift themselves out of where they’re at. So much fear and doubt too. And then there are those whose pain is so thick, they can’t see any light drawing them toward it. Everything appears so dark and dreary and endless.

So glad you were able to move past any such barriers. And thanks for sharing your thoughts here. You’re absolutely right: No one has to hurt indefinitely.

sometimes i think it’s awfully simple – smile at yourself, look yourself in the mirror and think, despite all this, i’m alive
easier said than done
took me a while to get there from major depression to now
but it takes just a smile to face adversity, it’s all an experience
Noch NochNoch NOch recently posted … crystal nemo’s new year revelations

Thanks for that, Noch. I think you hit on something extremely important. While I’ve never had to endure depression myself, I’ve talked to a lot of people who have and think I’ve learned something. But looking at it from the outside, please correct me if I’m wrong here. But I think the process for coming out of depression or overcoming most other internal obstacles to happiness are fairly simple. The steps are recognizable and easily implemented. They are clear and understandable. But they are extremely tough to act on when depressed. There is a huge wall that separates the person from the process. And that wall can be very impenetrable. The darkness that depression is makes it even difficult to see the steps for what they are. The simplicity even seems offensive when suggested by those not depressed to the depressed. It’s almost as though the process for overcoming depression is miles and miles away because the depression locks people into where they are, thinking what they think, feeling dumped on by life, unable to lift themselves to their proverbial feet to even take that first step.

So glad you were able to shake yourself loose from its grip, Noch. I love your openness. It is so refreshing and extremely helpful to all of us on our journey in life, learning to avoid the pitfalls and build and grow and become what we can make of this life.

And if you have a second or two, please let me know what you think about my depression comments.

I think you have hit right home! those in depression are not necessarily themselves, and like you say, while steps to come out of it are simple, it’s not so straightforward to implement when influenced by depression, or I guess, any other mood disorder
my shrink used to tell me i need to understand that the “depressed me” is not actually “me”, because i started to hate myself and wonder why i can’t get out of it or what was wrong with me.

slowly, almost like an out of body experience (as a metaphor), i can see myself stuck and unable to take that first step, but the “usual me” wanted to, and it was a constant struggle between the depressed me and the usual me. but eventually one day, light just broke through and i could take that first step. i think the first step for me was admitting i had a problem and regardless of why it happened to me, i needed to address the problem first. then the writing and blogging, then reading other people’s experience, then going back for more introspection

it was a cycle that kept repeating itself. sometimes i sunk back into that lock down state. sometimes i was ok and can take the second step

but i digress, i just wanted to say thanks for empathizing, and trying to understand where we come from! your depression comments are very true, esp for someone who has not been to that darkness before

i hope there are more people out there like you who can see it from our “weird” perspectives 🙂

This is so important for everyone to understand. Most everyone knows, has known, or will know at least one person who’s depressed. And the more we understand it, the less we will make it worse with ignorant comments like, “Just snap out of it!” and the like. Thank you for sharing your experience. You are educating the uneducated.

According to the World Health Organization, about 121 people suffer from some form of depression each year. You are helping others learn about what just may infect their own happiness down the road as well.

Yup – 121 million people and depression is the world’s 4th burdensome disease. it’s more common than we think it is. I hadn’t known before I went into it myself…

I know many people who suffer from depression like to hide away and we lose some self confidence and self esteem, but maybe knowing that it’s actually a common thing, maybe it makes us “normal” somehow 🙂

I’ve started doing yoga and it’s made me physically stronger which helps me be emotionally stronger. I’ve been blogging on this for some local DC websites and have compiled my posts here for anyone interested: https://yogaspeak.blogspot.com

I think the most recent post, aptly named Chicken Little, most relates to the choice to hide from your fears vs. facing them. The sky does not fall, after all.Yogini recently posted … Chicken Little

These are really great quotes to keep your motivation going when things are tough. I find that life is filled with challenges you need to overcome. Amazingly, one of the biggest and hardest challenges is to just keep your motivation going when things get tough.

I especially like Barrie Davenport’s quote about living in fear of bad things happening. This is something I’ve talked about a little. You can’t let the fear of things that possibly could go wrong hold you back. It’s bad enough to let the fear of the things you know about bother you let alone the ones that possibly could happen.Steve recently posted … Why it is Important to Dream Big

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About Me

My name is Ken Wert, the founder of M2bH. My purpose here is to teach you how to live a richer life of greater purpose and meaning, of mind-blowing possibility and deeper, more soul-satisfying happiness than you ever dreamt was possible. Join us on this happy adventure as you learn how to unlock your hidden potential to enjoy the rewards of a life well lived. Read more ...