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What to do after 2 m/c??

Hello to u!
Ladies I’ve never thought I’d be writing on infertility forums someday. It’s simply terrible to find out u cannot have children. U cannot deliver a baby on your own. I hate those days I was told that & cannot forget the days I experienced fetal loss. Twice in 5 years. In my thirties I had to overcome many obstacles on my way & then one more thing appeared. I was diagnosed lupus erythematosus. I had to fight again. It was difficult to plan the pregnancy but after thousands checkups & 24/7 doctors support I was ready to conceive. That happened. And m/c happened also. In 3 years it was the same. That’s all about the disease I have. Doctors’ assistance was perfect, I mean. But these were the things they couldn’t predict.
Hubby says we’ll be alright. But we won’t without children, I know. After two m/c lupus fulminated & caused Libman-Sacks disease. Now I’ve got heart problems & have to cope with all that meds I take. There is nothing left.
Doctors say we should think of adoption better. This is a good way & it gives a chance for orphan children to become a part of the family. Anyone familiar with the issues? I need to discuss.
Thanks

Hi Hooks...so sorry about what happened to you...will you consider surrogacy rather than adoption? (We did it and I'm forever grateful we could go this route) ...
Comparing prices anywhere in the world and outcome I think surrogacy is a better option than adoption (adoption rules have become hideously ridiculous in my opinion), the child is half biologically yours under your circumstances and waiting period can be waaay toooo short(from what I've read on the forum, Biotexcom in Ukraine has great packages with money back guaranteed, check the surrogacy room on this forum if you decide to investigate this option) ...just and idea.

Hello my dear.....I myself have SLE and have had since my very early twenties. The treatment that worked best for me included shots of chemotherapy every Friday night for seven years until we wanted to start our family. We tried to conceive for years and in the end found ourselves at a fertility clinic. During that first visit and initial week of tests it was clear we would need to conceive through IVF. It was the first time I actually had hope that we would in fact become parents. We have been in treatment for almost an entire year. We went through stimulation, egg retrieval and three transfers of a total of four beautiful AA Blastocysysts. In January we received out first BFP only to find out we would loose out little one on Valentines Day. I healed the best I could and transferred our final little one July 14th only to find out days ago we are once more loosing our little bean. I have lost two unborn children in the span of six months with no other little snow babies waiting for us anymore. Something I would never wish even on my worst enemy......I really don't have any of those:-)

When we found out we would be going through our second lost the doctor wanted to meet and discuss the next round of treatment.......a whole new cycle of IVF taking up possibly another year of my life. We want a family and I have learned that while everyone had such high expectations for us and that we were considered an "easy" case because the one organ system not affected by my Lupus was my reproductive system and the Methotrexate seemed to have not harmed my egg quantity or quality (I am 37). Like I said we were going to be the easy case. A year later, two losses, one I am in the middle of right now, and we have decided for my emotional health and the for the joy of our family we are moving on to adoption.

I have told my fertility specialist once we make it through the current loss I would like to be discharged and truly start our search for the special soul who will allow us to parent their child when they just can not at this time. Let me say we though about surrogacy but just like IVF there is no guarantee it will work and there is no guarantee you will not suffer another loss. If it is something you would like to try by all means go for it!!!!!! I would support and cheer you on all the way!!!!!! My husband even gave me the option of an egg donor but once again the chance of loss is too high for me after the two miscarriages. My heart and soul needs to heal not continuously break.

Let me go over a few things that really helped us as a husband and wife decide to abandoned more treatment and move on to the miracle of adoption. For our IVF cycle, three transfers and all the meds we have payed over $20,000. I know this is a weird comparison but those who have not went through IVF can actually get this part......I tell people it is like buying a car but never even taking it off the lot or driving it but still paying for it. Not to mention what it has done to me. I no longer know who I am outside of IVF and I have lost myself in the mess of hormones I am forced to take. We thought long and hard about saving another $20,000 and making another attempt but once again we could find ourselves in the same situation. We want a family. We want the joy a child can bring in to our lives and that does not necessary mean one I birth from my body because it will be the child I will have truly birthed from my heart. IVF is a roll of a dice where I truly believe those of us who are going to be amazing parents will be chosen. I would rather pay to adopt knowing that at the ed of one special day I will bring my beautiful baby home......no 50/50.....I WILL bring my baby home<3

Our disease can go into remission BUT it can also flare and cause to become so sick. I want to be the healthiest I can be when I become a mom ad pregnancy may make me feel so good or it could tear me up making it difficult to care for my little one straight home from the hospital. Adopting has made me realize I have the best chance at being the healthiest I can be when I get that call that we have been chosen and our baby is on the way.

It is a personal choice but with Lupus it makes it also a medical choice. Listen to your heart and one day it will be clear as day what your plan will consist of. I had to go through IVF because if I had not tried so hard I would have always wondered "what if". There are no more what ifs in our home only the joy of what will be. We are hoping to start our home study in the months to come and pray that we are blessed with a little one in the following year to come. I have to believe that with great loss is great reward because the loss I am mourning right now in this moment waiting for my baby to finally let go of my physical body is torture and no one should hurt like this if there is not something greater out there after the pain falls away.

My name is Danica and we have a loy in common so message me anytime and we can just chat like friends and bounce ideas off off of each other. Half the battle is finding someone who is going through the exact same thing as you in regards to Lupus and trying to start and find their take home angel<3

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