I have a friend who I was really close to before, kinda like a brother, and then we got into a tiff a while ago because he called me at 2 in the morning for no real reason either than to just chat. He and his wife live in the next city over but come here often to visit family. Anyway, I went down and visited them a couple of months ago and told him I was engaged and he said “that soon” before congrats because my fi and I have only been together about a year.

Anyway, I had them mark the date in their calendar but now am considering not inviting them to the wedding. His wife is on facebook and posts all these check-ins when they come to town, but they never bother calling me so it’s linda like “what’s the point?”. I haven’t sent Save the Dates yet and am considering not even sending theirs now. Is that reasonable since I have already told them about it? They also had a kind of elopement thing last year and only invited around 8 or so people (I was not invited), so I don’t feel that bad.

It depends on how much you’ve grow apart. A lot of friendships go through phases, so if you feel like this is just a time you’re not close but could be again in the future I would invite them. If not leave them off the list. Just keep in mind that if you don’t invite them it might seal the deal on ending the friendship since they could be offended.

@Cordellia: in my opinion, if you have not sent out STD’s then you are golden. As far as Im conerned if they dont even check in with you when they come into town, they shouldnt expect anything anyway.. and being that they eloped themselves they know all about cutting a guest list and having the most important people at a ceremony.

and also like stated above, not inviting them could be the final straw and put the nail in the coffin in your relationsip.

I am in this territory with a few friends of mine. We kind of stopped doing the hobby that everyone else does, and don’t see them as often. At the same time, we decided to be the ones offering the olive branch and invite them. If they don’t show up, well, that’s not our fault.

If there were any budget or venue size considerations we needed to worry about, we wouldn’t be inviting them, but we are at the point with people/venue size/yes my parents are paying where axeing two people form our list doesn’t make a difference.

Don’t send a save the date card. If you feelings change when it is time for invitations, you can add them back to the list, but if things stay how they are, I wouldn’t bother to invite them, personally.

@LeonardLady: It was a consistent thing of him getting drunk and calling and waking up my family and I told him off for it, then we didn’t speak much for a while. But that’s entirely beside the point and not what I am asking for advice on.

I’m going to be honest- your reasons seem a bit strange. He called you at 2:30 am to chat? I mean, it’s not the best decision but this is why I don’t have my phone on at 2:30 am. Him saying “so soon” was probably just a joke. I doubt he actually met it. As far as them not letting you know they are in town… I have moved away from my home town and have a few very good friends in that town. I absolutely do not tell them every time I come home. I usually have very little time to see them. It’s not because I don’t want to see them but rather because family usually comes first and we don’t usually have a lot of extra time.

You gave them an informal STD. All this “it’s fine because you have not sent out STD’s” argument is a technicality. When you tell someone a date, and say to hold it, you are telling them that you intend to invite them. Not inviting them at this point is, and will be seen, as uninviting them, and is basically terminating the relationship. If you like them, and want to be friends in the future, get over it and invite them. If you don’t care, do whatever makes you feel better.

Honestly, though, I would guess the chances of them coming are slim, anyway.