Thursday, March 10, 2005

Jamaica Irie

We have an afro carribean shop near us. It sells yams, sweet potatos, melons, pineapples, plantains (or because Del doesn't want me to be pretentious, big green bananas). So they've got the whole shop decked out with displays of fruit and veg. So why is no one buying any fruit and veg? Why don't they have customers walking in and coming out with carrier bags full of carribean goodies.Why don't they have any customers?

Well actually they do. But they're not your usual customers you'd expect in an afro-carribean grocery store. They turn up in their VW Golfs complete with spoiler and undersill blue lighting. Wearing their hoodies and baseball caps and white trainers. Yep our Afro- carribean grocery is a mecca for the local chavs who sit outside the shop on the wall for hours waiting for them to open. Well they're Jamaican you see, and Jamaicans are a relaxed bunch of guys. They can't see the point in hurrying anything, so they might open at 9:00am they might open at 10:00am sometimes as late as 12:00am. But the chavs will be there on the door step waiting for the shop to open.You see there's a problem here, you can not buy a big mac and fries at the afro carribean grocery. You can't even buy a bottle of blue sweet fizzy stuff. They sure as hell are not going in there for any afro hair styling products.

No because they don't sell any of this stuff. It's all a front. Every week the wheelie bin is full of all their unsold stock. Next week will be the same. No it's just a front for their drug business. That's what the chavs are coming for. To score their latest quarter of what ever is on special that day.

I might surprise the shop keeper and go in to buy a yam. That'll really fuck him up he wont even know the price.