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Could you help me revise my essay?I would be grateful

Many countries are spending vast sums of money on armament for the sake of self-defense. Some people think they should spend the money on reducing poverty and other disadvantages rather than on weapons. To what extent do you agree?

The governments through out the world are dumping countless money to armies and weapons every year for the safe reasons. But a vast number of people voice that the amount of money should be spent on some other urgent or crucial issues, such as water scarcity, air pollution and poverty reducing. What I always believe is we should spend less on weapons and allocate the money to humanity or environment.

Undeniable, it is essential for countries to invest in armament because the global atmosphere may be not calm as everyone anticipates. In that case, self-defense is a must to protect the citizens within a particular country. However, as far as I know, some countries have spent too much on weapons which may be not advisable since the World War III is still in science fictions.

For one thing, the majority of people on earth which love peace and calm do not expect any form of war in our lives. Yet, the excessive weapons could spark a world war to some extent. In modern society, the limitation of weapons must be a good suggestion and the nations should join together to sign treaties about it. As long as less money spend on the weapons, a much safer world could we have.

For another thing, general knowledge leads us to know the world economy was attacked during the recent financial crisis. Many countries, especially developing ones in Africa, suffered a lot because of this turmoil. Under this circumstance, we should make every cent counts, we should fully use every dollar. Reducing poverty can be one of the crucial issues that deserve our dedication.

Overall, most of the governments are said to be have a pretty tight budget at this moment since the economic recovery is still on the way. Consequently, we should use money wisely to make our planet better instead of ruining it or making more people suffer.

Re: Could you help me revise my essay?I would be grateful

Originally Posted by clampever

Many countries are spending vast sums of money on armament for the sake of self-defense. Some people think they should spend the money on reducing poverty and other disadvantages rather than on weapons. To what extent do you agree?

The governments through out the world are dumping(dump) countless money to armies and weapons every year for the safe reasons. But a vast number of people voice that the amount of money should be spent on some other urgent or crucial issues, such as water scarcity, air pollution and poverty reducing. What I always believe is (that) we should spend less on weapons and allocate the money to humanity or environment.

Undeniable, it is essential for countries to invest in armament because the global atmosphere may be not calm as everyone anticipates. In that case, self-defense is a must to protect the citizens within a particular country. However, as far as I know, some countries have spent too much on weapons which may be not advisable since the World War III is still in science fictions.

For one thing, the majority of people on earth which love peace and calm do not expect any form of war in our lives. Yet, the excessive weapons could spark a world war to some extent. In modern society, the limitation of weapons must be a good suggestion and the nations should join together to sign treaties about it. As long as less (amount of) money spend(is spent) on the weapons, a much safer world could we have.

For another thing, general knowledge leads us to know (that) the world economy was attacked during the recent financial crisis. Many countries, especially developing ones in Africa, suffered a lot because of this turmoil. Under this circumstance, we should make every cent counts,(;) we should fully use every dollar. Reducing poverty can be one of the crucial issues that deserve our dedication.

Overall, most of the governments are said to be have a pretty tight budget at this moment since the economic recovery is still on the way. Consequently, we should use money wisely to make our planet better instead of ruining it or making more people suffer.