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Author
Topic: What would you do... (Read 6576 times)

BeTheLove

If you woke up tomorrow, turned on the morning news, found out that there was a cure for HIV, went to your doctor and swallowed the magic pill that killed the virus forever what would you do with your life that you aren’t doing today?

I think about this question often, and would love to hear your thoughts as well. I ask myself, “Who would I be without HIV today?” “What would I do with my life that I’m not doing because I have HIV?”

Here are some answers I came up with for myself:

• I would visit my massage therapist more often• I would seriously consider adopting a child • I would stop seeing myself as different from anyone else on this earth• I would write a book (whether or not it got published) for the sheer joy of writing it• I would live my life more centered in the present vs. projecting my fears into the future• I would get another dog• I’d buy a new car without thinking, “Oh shit, I can’t do that—the big HIV bomb might throw you some unexpected crap and you need to live in scarcity right now.”• I’d trade in doctor appointments for hikes with my dog• I’d pay better attention to my body, mind and emotions without fearing they were attacking me or starting a fight I couldn’t win• I’d go to a rock concert and embrace my youth again• Most of all, I’d feel more like the world DID care about the health and well being of everyone because it worked it’s ass of to find a cure. • I’d live more as if God thought I was worth it

wow, I usually think of myself as a grumpy pessimistic but I do almost all these things already. I don't go to many rock concerts but that's cos they're far and I'm old. My last one was Prince and it was brilliant! That was almost a year ago. I don't for adoption either though I'd like to but that's even not cos of HIV, its b/c there is no way I can afford it and/or be approved even as a neg, nor do I miss doctor's appointments. I don't have a car - money again. But I do not see myself as different. I know for one there are many poz women out there, and even neg people, everyone's different. But yeah when I get depressed I feel isolated, but not all the time. I don't feel that the world doesn't care b/c if that were true we'd all be dead...

So, without HIV I would be traveling more to developing countries like I did before without fear for my health or losing my meds, or being exposed as poz. I'd be eating everything too without a care. Exactly as i did as a poz in fact, be not being aware of my status. I'd keep a cat without worry (yes I know many pozzies keep cats & birds, but I am scared - except of dogs). Mostly though I miss the travel. I'd probably drink more alcohol too... oh and have sex without a condom with my BF! try to concieve naturally. how could I forget that?! And I also would not think about disclosure and would be making friends more easily b/c I'd have much less to hide.

Logged

"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Hmmmmm, I'd go beyond getting just a bachelor's and get a master's. I would work full-time again. I wouldn't go to the doctor as often. Maybe I could stop going altogether to funerals of people I know who die from Aids (the last one was about a year ago though, so they're a lot less than they used to be). I wouldn't worry all the time about getting screwed being on state assistance and disability, worrying all the time about benefits being slashed.

Logged

I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

1. Being Positive has made me more aware of "who" I am as person and to take care of myself better..2. I never like using condoms.....but we all know that is very stupid not too, because if is not HIV could be other STD and BINGO!! you are F*** k again!3. I do eat ,work, exercise daily ..... and party my ass off when I have the extra $$$ ......so nothing wouldn't change for me so far...........4. I can still have a Healthy Baby.... I just need to find a good man to father my child ....win the lotto so I don't stress about money or improve my skills so I can be a single mother and support me and baby.....5. I don't see my doctor often and when I do .....he is so freaking cute that is a treat for me!! too bad he is gay!!!6. I still have the same groups of friends........the one closest to me know about it and they don't care .......They called it the 'pimple" and it's OK....7. Never had a health problem in relation to the Disease and I pray and Thank God for that every day of my life.............. The only time I had medical problems was when I was married to my ex!!! 8. Life is to beautiful to complicate it........... I learn how to make it simply .........so still nothing different9. I have been married before ............twice .............so is OK if I'm single for a while.... 10. I love to travel and being positive is not what is stopping me from traveling now........... I just don't have the money to travel the way I like it!!!!!

So I guess for me I can't see living my life any different with or witout the disease .........."the only bridge that I have to cross is ...........the bridge of fear.....of rejection....but that one is one that I have always tried to avoid even before I was positive.

Always thinking am I too fat??? too ugly... Does he like me??? Of course when you are positive those negative feeling can creep on you ...........BUT I'M TRYING NOT TO LET THOSE FEELING GET THE BEST OF ME!!!

SO LADIES THERE IS NOTHING THAT I WOULD DO DIFFERENT............THIS IS WHO I AM.......AND FOR THE FIRST TIME I'M LEARNING TO LOVE MYSELF!!!

Well I am still going to go to school to get my bachelor's in nursing and eventually on to be a nurse practitioner, so it hasn't stopped me from doing that. It has changed the direction in which I want to specialize in, but other than that I am still going to be a NP someday. I think the one that would be different is that I wouldn't keep think about what people would say if they knew I had. I have always been shy around men, and now it's gotten worse because I don't want to get too close to them for them to run away. So I would like to not have to feel like men are always going to run away.

I am stil the same person that I was prior diagnosis. doing the things that I am capable of doing for myself, buying a car for myself if I want to and I can afford it. In fact for me HIV has made me do take more good care of myself. I still have the same friends and still go out and party. I appreciate the little things that I was taking for granted before diagnosis.The only thing that has changed is that I use a condom every time when I have sex that does not bother me. Take my meds at night and make belief that I am taking vitamins that also does not bother me because it is who I am now, cant change it. Seeing my HIV specialist does not bother me also, he is the best doctor that I have come across.

Ok, I think being HIV+ is not the end of my world, i still do things well b4 I was told am in the pond! the only thing is enjoying my sex without a condom with my soulmate,and stop my meds immedietly after taken that pill, i guess am still a happy person as ever,living health and positive altitude, sometimes i forgot that I have a bug in me. I still have same friends who didnt turn their lids upside down on me and i still party. the only freaking happiness of all is, the man who raped and infected me back 1993, dead in jail with some complected illness ...BINGO

Yasoza, God don't like ugly and he reap what he sowed, but as 4 me the only thing that's changed in my life is that I have 2 take these damn pills at the same time every night. Other than that, I'm living life 2 the fullest and loving it. Life is what u make it before and after HIV.

Of course, other factors could come into play. Like, how long one's been infected and what happened during the early times of infection. I was diagnosed in '89, when HIV was still a death sentence. And, I found out very quickly, I had to adjust to having HIV/AIDS pre-HAART.

In other words, sometimes life is what HIV makes it.

Logged

I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

I think I have changed for the better since contracting HiV. I have more faith, I am more compassionate. I do not stress about what I consider to be petty things......

When I was first diagnosed I worried about the future, I worried about getting ill but now thats not my worry. I have seen its possible to live a full life with HIV, have dreams and have a future.

The one thing I worry about though is the side effects. I have found myself losing weight particulary from my face. Lipoatrophy. Had to change meds because of this. I have seen this happening in another girlfriend of mine. It makes one realise that even if you feel physically fine, you are still different. Someone once looked at my photo and said...you look soooo old. I felt really bad, I was 36 at the time. So if there was a cure for HIV, I would hope it would reverse any side effects. It would be great to just live and grow old "gracefully".So if there was a cure tomorrow I would still continue to eat well and excercise, there are so many other contitions out there I wouldn't want to catch. The only thing that would change I guess is not take my pills at night, not worry about side effects...and if this were to happen before baby is born, I would LOVE to breastfeed. I think thats the one thing that I wish I could change!