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Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Barack Obama - To Do List

Well, ladies and gentlemen, we officially have a new President. Barack Obama was sworn in and made happy speech time for the public, and then everyone partied and paraded about and generally made much ado and had a good time.

Normally around this time, I would be recommending that we all lower our expectations and that we try not to expect too much to happen immediately.

But who am I kidding? This is Barack Freaking Obama we're talking about here!

He seems to be of above-average intelligence and somewhat competant. Given that we've been getting by reasonably well ('reasonably' compared to, say, Sudan) the last couple of decades on blatantly shady and/or criminally stupid persons in leadership positions, there's no reason not to expect great things immediately.

So, instead, I would like to offer the following five requests as a small list of things for the new President to accomplish:

(1) FIX THE ECONOMY - This should be done within the next couple months, preferably. Obama should be able to create millions of new high paying jobs, fix the stock markets, increase the value of the dollar all over the world so that if I decide to travel I can buy more stuff, and lower taxes. This one is a no brainer.

(2) STOP WARS - I'm not just talking about Iraq and Afghanistan. I'm talking about all wars everywhere, from big ones to tiny little disputes. And for good, as well. I want no more wars to show up in the future either. Obama should be able to complete this easily using the power of his soaring rhetoric.

(3) FIX EDUCATION - I want our kids to be a new class of tiny geniuses. I don't want our kids being shown up by no Swedish astrophysicist children or Asian math geniuses. Each and every child should be able to win a Nobel Prize by the end of the year.

(4) BRING BACK ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT - The TV show. It was great. Completely underappreciated in its time. The big O should be able to do something about that.

(5) DEFLECT METEORS AWAY FROM THE EARTH USING THE POWER OF HIS CHARM - Again, a no brainer.