If you asked me to generalize my favorite subset of Psychotronic films, I would more than likely say “Low budget 1950s Science Fiction.” A nice label with enough wiggle room to fit Cat-Woman of the Moon, The Creature from the Black Lagoon and the world of Ed Wood. (When I was kid, the sci-fi/horror films I loved were dismissed as ‘cheap trash’ by my mom, so even a big budget movie of the time, like This Island Earth, is automatically rekajiggered in my mind to low budget). If left to my own devices, I may have never wandered beyond these black and white beauties. However, in the pre-cable/pre-VHS era a viewer was at the mercy of the Local TV station’s film library. My movie show of choice was the creatively named “Early Show”, on between 3-5 pm. In many ways, The Early Show was the last locally produced show going after the kid viewer. Sure they would have plenty of dramas for Grandma, but the emphasis was on action, action, action. Westerns, War Movie and, most importantly to me, Sci-Fi and Horror. If host Ed announced on Monday we were having a theme week, well, it was appointment viewing!

A recurring “theme week” was GIANT MONSTERS. A couple times a year some variation of the theme would appear and expand my movie universe. I myself like the big bugs: grasshoppers, tarantulas, and really big ants. One of the local stations apparently had a long time deal with the American International distributor, because a week of Toho or Daiei movies were more common than my beloved bug movies. While I never really got into Gamera, Godzilla was a monster I respected. Other than the 1933 King Kong, occasionally screened at the U of I, Godzilla was my monster of choice. That’s why the end of a Toho theme week was the best of both worlds for me: King Kong vs. Godzilla!

While I liked the ‘original’ (meaning US version—9 year old kids aren’t into subtitles!) Godzilla, even I could see how the Raymond Burr bits were forced into the story. Like, if I could just block him out, it would be an even better movie. By contrast, the ‘United Nations News’ segments, while clearly not in the original, were for me, a much better way of ‘Americanizing’ the movie. The segments frame the acts, not try to actively invade the movie.

And the monsters do not disappoint. We get a nice capsule version of the Kong story (with the very discomforting image of Japanese people in blackface) and several scenes of monster battles and destruction. The giant octopus fight on the beach is a classic of the genre and the final battle of the two ‘Kings of the Monsters’ is my favorite Kaiju fight of all time.

Like so much of our love for movies like these, it isn’t just the movie than connects with us, it was a certain feeling–a sense of anticipation which always surrounded the movie. The first time I watched it unfold on the TV screen, the anticipation of the final fight kept me riveted. Every time after that, all those Toho Theme weeks, the anticipation of watching it again as Friday slowly approached, it was like knowing tomorrow was Christmas and you weren’t getting socks.

I am sure the true Kaiju fan could suggest a few ‘better’ films for me to watch. Maybe I’d like Godzilla even more watching the Japanese version. But even if there are better movies, I doubt I could love them like I do King Kong vs Godzilla. The only two Giant Monsters who truly matter get a movie and battle worthy of a clash of kings.

I have often felt, if I’m going to watch giant monsters, I want Godzilla or King Kong. Everyone else is a pretender to the throne; those two are my kings of the monsters. I’ve not seen the new Godzilla, but it will be in my Netflix queue.

But even Kings go through their ‘goofy’ phases, and this is part of Godzilla getting a little silly. A few years after this we’d get the Godzilla cartoon with Godzooky, the Scrappy Doo of giant monsters. Say what you will about Godzilla 1985 and 1998, they were at least a move (at least here in America) back to a monster worthy of respect.

One of the things I have never understood about the Godzilla/Gamera/etc movies—how is there only one of everything? I get they are mutation or space creatures or mystical whatiz, but everything is a single. I know it shouldn’t matter, we are talking about giant imaginary creatures, but it does not feel well thought out. I am also not a huge Kaiju fan, this could all be explained in another movie.

Not to mention I don’t get the hold Monster Island would have on the creatures. It seems more like a place they hang out between attacks on Tokyo.

Jet Jaguar was the winning entry in a Toho ‘create a creature’ contest. The realization that Jet probably couldn’t carry a movie lead to a very rushed Godzilla tie in.

We’re 10 plus minutes in, and all we know about the three main characters (Goro, Rokuro and Hiroshi) is they are hanging out at the beach. Are they brothers, friends, more? Give me some context movie.

Close ups do save the director the trouble of staging an actual car chase. That is a fun little car Hiroshi is driving around. Hiroshi so could have been a TV Detective in the 70s. He has the hair, jacket and car.

One indication of how rushed this script must have been: how little dialogue there are in extended places. At times there are smooth transitions, for example from studying the Seatopians buttons to Goro working on Jet Jaguar, which make no sense. How can you make such a non-sequitur look so seamless?

Very upsetting shorts on that kid.

A new twist on an old cliché. The invaders know exactly how our technology works and can figure out how to work a brand new robot without trying.

The dance sequence is like Moon Zero Two goes disco.

I know most of it is the voice actor but Rokuro is one of the most annoying kids in a MST3K related film. He is Bobby of Rocky Jones level of annoying.

The second car chase reminded no one of Bullitt. Complete with Keystone Kop ending for the kiddies.

If you put Jet Jaguar in a line up with Gigantor, Ultraman, the Shogun Warriors and any other famous giant robot, I probably couldn’t tell you who was who.

Another visit to HO scale Japan.

Wow, this has more ‘silent’ sequences than Lassie. Plenty of stock footage and reused footage in this movie.

So, the two truckers throw the Seatopian thug out the window, but still almost finish his job and dump the crate? Not very well thought out.

Megalon at the dam. This is what I want in my giant monsters. Now we got ourselves a movie I want to watch!

Megalon swatting the container: Goofy!

Megalon vs the army—another extended sequence with NO dialogue. This has to be one of the thinnest scripts in movie history.

Gee super scientist, why don’t you ask the army to go and get the evil guy back in your laboratory so you can take control of Jet Jaguar?

So the Seatopians can suddenly contact the space people who control Gigan? At this point the ‘writers’ are just throwing anything they can at the wall to get this movie made. Goofy.

Robot to monster sign language? Goofy!

Take the villain out with a model airplane? Goofy!

A robot which can reprogram himself at will? Goofy! And, Mr. Super Scientist, if you build that function into him, why is it a surprise Jet Jaguar did do that?

A robot which can ‘decide’ to grow gigantic? Goofy!

And pretty much, the movie is a robot/monster battle from here on out. Not that I’m complaining. At this point even the goofy flying kick of Godzilla is too much fun to rip on.

And no one ever heard from Jet Jaguar again.

Watchability: 3 of 5. Far far from the best Godzilla movie out there. The first 30 minutes establishing the plot, such as it is, are a drag. But after Megalon hits the surface, the movie delivers on the giant monster action. Over goofy at time, but a lot of fun.

Missing the Riffs: 2 of 5. Not an episode I know very well, but have been giving an extra spin of late because of the recent Godzilla movie hype. At this point in my knowing of that episode, I’d rather watch the MST3K version. Another movie where you come away with a greater appreciation of what the SOL Crew’s talent.

This is the AIP-TV version of this movie and not the Sandy Frank cut. This looks to be part of the Gamera limitations I’m on here in the States. There is always the option to rewatch the Sandy Frank version if I want to ‘repeat’ with the KTMA version as my point of reference. Other than a different group of voice actors, I don’t know what I’m in for.

Since the beginning of this movie has an extended intro about earthquakes and volcanoes bringing Gamera back to Japan not seen on the SOL, and the credits are not the Sandy Frank water, I’m going to assume this version is slightly more ‘true’ than the SOL version. What a long, long sentence.

Eiichi not Kenny, Eiichi not Kenny, just keep repeating.

Giant Monsters and Volcanos are excuses. Good to know.

The Two Loyal Construction workers remind me of Henchmen 21 and 24.

I’m actually liking this voice dub/translation more than the MST3K version. There seems to be better voice actors working too. What is weird is some of the style of voices in both versions are the same. It is hard to explain, every line I hear that is different (when the workers see the green glow, they talk about a smell of gold, not the glow of gold from the SOL cut) it feels like this version is right. I can see how Sandy would have to change words for copyright reasons, but I don’t think his people made the right word choices.

Gaos or Gyaos is considered one of Gamera’s main rivals. We saw a ‘Space Gaos’ in Gamera vs. Guiron.

You know, Gamera is the friend of all children.

Bert I Gordon has better process shots.

Slot cars. It really looks like they are using slot cars. I’ve heard of HO scale Japan, but this is silly.

So Gamera pair bonds with the first kid he sees and then after sucking all the brat’s mental energy the turtle moves on? I’m willing to buy the idea of monsters returning and monsters fighting each other, but monsters saving children is beyond my willing suspension of disbelief.

Has there ever been a Giant Monster that conventional weapons could hurt? I would think they would know to start with the hard stuff and then get weird. And prepare to get strange if weird doesn’t work.

This Gamera does not skimp on the action. Monster fight, military attacks, city trashing, more monster fights. This is what I want from my Kaiju.

Gaos hates light, but it looks like he went to Japanese Vegas.

I can see why Gaos is such a popular foe for Gamera. He is a cunning beast.

Watchability: 3 of 5. I’ve said before I’m not a real big Kaiju fan, but this has been the best Gamera movie I’ve seen yet. I know that isn’t the highest praise coming from me, but I liked the level of action in this movie. Lots of fun seeing the fighting monsters.

Missing the Riffs: 4 of 5. The Gamera films tend to be some of my least favorites anyway, and this vocal dub was that much better than the Sandy Frank version. Give me this over the SOL version.

I think what annoys me most about Gamera is the lessons they teach kids. It is the worst kind of afterschool special, it isn’t telling me to not use drugs, but brush my teeth. And the later Gamera have twice the annoying kids. Not just a Kenny and Itchy but annoying duos. And what kind of security did Japan have that kids wandering into top secret areas is believable.

I remember being taught there was going to be no fish in the sea by the 1980s too. Remember when that happened? No fish anymore? Was really tragic.

Yes, Gamera is the friend of all children. Annoying troublemaking children.

Is it just me, or is the plot of Gamera vs. Guiron and Gamera vs. Zigra very similar? Two kids being threatened, space ladies using a monster, Gamera underwater, and space creatures wanting to eat humans? Any of this familiar to anyone?

Bert I Gordon has better process shots. I wonder how much Gamera flying footage is reused from movie to movie.

The whole wild man/time travel bit is so bizarre. Is he eating seaweed or moss? And there is such an overlong explanation about his clothes; it is the weirdest kind of padding.

Wow, the jet flying scene makes me long for The Starfighters. And the switch from stock footage to models does not go well. Metal and plastic look nothing alike.

I’m sorry, the people fighting Zigra need the fish more than the dolphins.

Duty and honor. Duty and honor and bikini hitchhikers.

Kids are so numb to mass murder and destruction.

The alien girl chases those kids like she’s letting them win at hide and seek.

We’re never told who Loralee Barrett is and why the reporters would know her.

We get a Gamera rescue, a fight Gamera loses and must heal from, and a final fight Gamera wins.

Maybe it is just the copy I’m watching but the undersea sequences could fit in with The Slime People.

Zigra is one of the best looking Gamera ‘villains’.

The ‘moon jeep’ was one of the cheapest effects I’ve ever seen.

Most of the cuts for the SOL are just scene shortening, nothing plot wise taken out, just the excess. The ending ‘clip show’ was not in this version.

“The other planets of the world.” What?

Ok, Zigra can communicate unlike other Monsters (it is an alien life, not an atomic monster after all), but can only use a melee combat? I would hope an intelligent life form could beat a turtle.

I sincerely hope this is not a faithful translation.

It’s “Then he died of suffocation” not “on vacation”.

And just when it can’t get weirder, Gamera plays his own theme song on the back of his dying foe.

Watchability: 2 of 5. Better than vs. Guiron, but that’s not saying much. One of the most random films in a very random series.

Missing the Riffs: 2 of 5. Not completely unbearable without the SOL crew, but I still wouldn’t recommend it.

For the repeat experiments from Season 0, I’m using the more polished Season 3 episodes as my comparison. Of course, if I was truly repeating the experiment, I’d watch the repeated movies twice. But I’m not ready to do that yet.

The version I have is an American edit version meant for Television release. The voice actors and script is slightly different. Changes in phrasing if not meaning. That at least lets me know that the script the voice actors were using was somewhat faithful translation. The most obvious differences is the reduction of monster on monster violence. Apparently Guiron carving up Space Gyaos was too much for the kiddies. Of course, that is another reason why I probably should watch this movie again (or at least different edit) sometime later in this project.

Another sci-fi movie that starts off trying to seem educational.

I’ve never been a big fan of kaiju movies and Gamera is one of my least favorite creatures of the genre. This ‘friend of all children’ just does nothing for me. The levels of nonsense in this movie is just too much. Gamera just happens to be around when the kids shot into space, and then the moment the tension is gone, the space ship just blows past him? Two children missing and no one but the little girl is upset? And how can these adult dismiss giant monsters and aliens when that’s part of the background of this universe? Why can’t the stupid kids tell the difference between a planet and a star? Just so many questions about this one.

And don’t get me started on how dumb Guiron looks. At least the other kaiju I’ve seen seem based on some kind of real creature.

Tom has the greatest rubber dart gun in history!

Yet another movie where alien technology is easily understood and operated.

The sets for the alien buildings are pretty nice to look at, very retro-future.

The first battle between Gamera and Guiron is pretty good. However, if I’m going to watch a giant monster battle movie, I want to see more of the monsters and more battling. This movie spends way too much time with the kids. No, I take that back. This movie spends too much time with the little girl and the mothers back on Earth. As bad as the aliens/little boy storyline is, the little girl plot line just stops the movie cold.

The singy-songy background music is worst thing about this movie, and that’s saying something.

Watchability: 2 of 5. I suppose a fan of the genre might like it more. There are so many absurd parts to this movie there is a little something for everyone.

Missing the Riffs: 1 of 5. I advise any Gamera movie to be taken with the SOL crew. Even the Season 0 version would be a great improvement.