Friday, July 19, 2013

I was
someone's submissive but our relationship had to end due to something
out of our control. It was horrible and when I got round to dating
people again, I fell for a more of a normal guy. He is slightly dominant
in the bedroom and likes that I'm submissive. But it isn't the same... I
love being with him but there's a kind of empty feeling because I miss
being a sub. I don't cheat on people. So basically I want a way that I
can have my boyfriend and my Master at the same time and no-one gets
hurt... this is giving me a headache and distracting me from my
dissertation. Please help me. I'm not sure how. I feel like Jekyll and
Hyde...

Thanks for listening
xx

I replied as follows:

Can you "have your boyfriend and a Master at the same time"?
Can you have your cake and eat it? I'm really not sure but it seems
fraught with difficulty. Are you talking about taking a new Master as
well as staying with your boyfriend? Are you sure you will find a new
Master easily? If you do, is your hope that they will each accept one
another and be happy with you seeing each of them to meet your different
needs? It sounds an ideal situation that I am sure many would like but I
doubt that you will find that both your boyfriend and your Master will
be happy with the situation.

Or are you thinking of keeping each secret from the other? You
say you don't cheat on people so you would find it difficult and it
would not be something I would recommend.

You say your
boyfriend is slightly dominant in the bedroom. Can you discuss your
needs with him and introduce him to D/s in the hope that he may be
tempted to take it slightly further and become your Master? In the end I
think you will need to decide whether your boyfriend can fully meet
your needs and if he cannot then whether you accept that or decide to
finish with him and look for someone who can.

Though I know there are readers of this blog who have managed to develop separate relationships with a Master and a husband or boyfriend. Perhaps one of them may comment and let us know how they managed to arrange such a situation.

These are just my thoughts and you will need to find a way through this that works for you.

Thanks and good luck

So - do any readers have a separate partner and Dom? How did you arrive at such an arrangement? How do you keep it working? Can others see how it might be made to work?

The Purpose of This Blog

Through writing my blog Pygar - A Kind Dom I receive a certain amount of mail. Some of this mail is asking for my advice and support - occasionally about some serious and difficult subjects. I always try to reply as helpfully as I can but am aware that my knowledge and wisdom is limited.

The purpose of this blog is to air some of these requests for advice publicly - but anonymously. Readers are invited to contribute their advice through the comments. Please ensure that comments are intended kindly and supportively. If I feel that any advice does not meet that requirement I will delete it.

If anybody has a question or problem that they would like airing here - then please email me.

Helpful Books

These books have been recommended by readers of this blog. If you have others to suggest please email me.

The Loving Dominant, by John WarrenSM 101, by Jay WisemanConsensual Sadomasochism, by William A Henkin Ph.D and Sybil HolidayThe New Topping Book, by Dossie Easton and Janet W. HardyThe Master's Manual, by Jack Rinella.Partners in Power: Living In Kinky Relationships, by Jack RinellaDifferent Loving:The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission, by Gloria Brame, William D. Brame and Jon JacobsScrew the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism, by Philip Miller, Molly DevonThe Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. LisztThe Surrendered Wife, by Laura Doyle

About Me

A Dom who feels he doesn't fit into the mould of "Dom-ness" trying to explore his own nature and feelings and some thoughts about D/s.
Pygar was not a Dom. He was an angel. He was also blind. But he did get to shag Jane Fonda!