Discover what happens after the break-up

A brother’s simple love

In about two weeks, I have no choice but to see Tina. We will be attending a professional convention that we both go to. Most of the people we know will be there, and know we were engaged, and are now not. It will be interesting to see how many of these folks, most of whom were her friends, act now. I say that, because over the years as we have attended this conventions, they have always been like, “when’s the wedding?” And the last time I was at the convention, Tina was not with me, and many commented that it didn’t seem “right” to see me without her. I know none of this matters in grand scheme, but it still makes me wonder. I don’t know, maybe I just need validation that she messed up. In any case, I told my brother that she will be there. His repsonses made me smile.

“David, Tina is going to be at the convention.”

“Will she be alone?”

“I don’t know. Maybe she’ll bring the new guy with her.”

“Do you want me to break them up?”

I smile. “No, David, I don’t think you can do that.”

“I want to do it.”

“I know, so do I, but we cannot, so let’s try and just ignore her I guess.”

“I’m just gonna do it anyway.”

How can you do anything more than smile on the outside, and cry a bit inside at the emotion that makes my brother say something like that. You have to understand, I’m the loud mouth in the family. He is quiet and reserved. Him saying something like that would be tantamount to Dick Cheney joining Green Peace, or Barack Obama going hunting with Sarah Palin.

It’s amazing the effect of losing someone you love can have when you shouldn’t have. But we will deal, and like many mothers in the world, I now have to be more careful about who I let into our lives. Though, how much more careful I could have been I don’t know.

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Do you think you have the strength to appear like you have moved on when you see her at the conference–that her presence has not the slightest effect on you? From what I’ve read, as well as what I’ve observed about human nature, that is the only chance you’d have to even get her to consider re-trying…and at the very least, you can salvage your dignity. I know its a tall order, but if you can just manage to do it (and tell all your mutual friends with a flip of your hand “meh, these things happen, you know” “it just wasn’t meant to be”–that kind of suff that will get back to her) you’ll come out of it a heck of a lot better than with pretty much any other scenario.

It wouldn’t hurt to invent a love interest either–another girl in the wings you’ve just met–that you can briefly allude to in your casual conversations with mutual friends. Think of a girl you’ve seen lately who is appealing and use her as your new interest. Hey, better yet, ASK SOMEONE OUT before the conference!! (who cares if you’re really interested or not–that is beside the point) Then you can talk about that girl as if she’s a possibility. If (God forbid) she shows up with the other guy, you then have some scanty armor in place at least AND you can casually mention your ‘love interest’ as well–bonus! And you STILL manage to walk away with your dignity intact. You could think of it as a self-fulfilling prophecy.

That’s the problem. I don’t think it wasn’t meant to be. I just think she is running away. So I doubt that I’d be able to say that. I don’t know whether to ignore her, or talk and act like its all good, when I don’t feel that way.

I have a friend that I have been hanging out with, but my head is still so wrapped into my ex that it is not really going any where, and I’ve never mentioned it to Tina. Not in the sense of I’m on a date or anything.

I understand you don’t actually feel like it wasn’t meant to be, but I can see where this is going and its not good.

Any response other than “whatever/so what/I don’t give a flying tweet” is not going to go well. It will leave you holding the bag yet again as the ‘tragic figure’. This will NOT get you the girl. (Not being the tragic figure may not get you the girl either, but at least you are, well…NOT the the tragic figure. Trust me, no good can come from being the tragic figure!)

Hopefully Tina doesn’t know the friend you’re hanging out with. That will be ideal. The important thing here is to not let Tina–or your mutual friends–or ANYONE who will tell Tina–know you are still wrapped up in Tina. All you’re going to do is with that is

1)further feed her already fully gratified ego by knowing you are still gaga for her
2)incur the pity of the surrounding population at the event
3)feel like crap when its all said and done
…oh yah, and
4)NOT get Tina back for absolutely sure!

So the next ‘coffee time’ with your friend is now your latest date! Wahla! Instant new hottie girlfriend (you may have to throw in a little imagination but, oh well… 🙂

WE all know its not true, but Tina doesn’t. And you have this marvelous chance to gain back ground lost to the infamous drunk dial (not that I’m mentioning that or anything…) Hey, I know good and well how to grovel and I’ve had my fair share of practice doing it through the years (I’m not as young as I look) so believe me when I tell you that you do not want to down that path any further! This is not just about salvaging any shred of relationship you may still have a chance at with Tina, but more importantly, its about setting you back up on your feet, Joe, with your head held high.

I will read y’all dialouge after I post this … cause what I am thinking now is … FIRE FREE ZONE ..!

Someone out there thinks you are cute, maybe even HOT, hot enough to let a few drinks and some decent conversation lead to …

… how many days are y’all going to be where ever?

Back to the point, I think that you should use this opportunity to take some big steps past Tina (I named my bike ‘Trixie’ … she likes the name!!) and there is no better way than to go up and talk to a beautiful, intelligent woman with a career.

Even if it is just for ‘practice’ take as a few runs … not too many, cause you will seem like you are trying too hard. Maybe two, three at the most. What ever you do, think and talk PAST her. Let people ask, but provide closure to the conversation AND the relationship.

Because I am going to through a nugget to that part that still wants her … if you move past her, she will be more intrigued.

That said, for the healing, you need to talk to some cute women. It isn’t about ‘scoring’ as much as it is about being active, vibrant and alive. Just looking into a pair of soft brown eyes, and being able to dream the dream you had … it hasn’t gone, just put back on the shelf.

Now, it is cool to accept the possiblity that something may spark, but don’t expect it to. Just be free and open to the possiblity, and let yourself be YOU.

As far as you brother goes … man, you can’t BUY that kind of love!!! I am glad that you have someone who can let you know in that clear way that you are still THEIR cat!!

But I am telling you … man, go with the best game you got right now … put on a couple of ‘I know I am fine’ outfits, and enjoy yourself as much as possible.

mark, walking up to and speaking to cute women (I met Tina at this same convention 8 yrs ago btw) will not be difficult. The place is ALWAYS crawling with them. many are broadcast journalists and fine as hell. And I always have a good time, and, well, in the past I have gotten a lot of attention. Never been there with an ex around, but still I’m going to go and handle my business there. I may not know how to act around her, but I have enough stuff to do, to not be around her.