there has been a weird epidemic of this...at least 3 newbies have done it.

newbie gossips: n

smart people gossips: just n will work, since go is gossip.

newbie gossips: w

Me, being a mage, gates to newbie and tries to explain.

me: Just...n will work, nothing else is needed, you can go west twice (without the go) to get to the newbie school, that'll help.

newbie gossips: w

Me: just west, do it twice.

newbie leaves west, goes east, goes west twice (yay) but he still has to go north to the school, 2w was the entrance.

Me: good, now north to get inside and read the room descriptions.

newbie proceeds to experiment with east and west without saying a word. There was someone else present that was trying to help, we almost decided it was an imm trick; a wandering mob just made to look like a newbie.

We couldn't push him though (pk action) I think we eventually got him in the school...but it was mighty hard

Conran chats : The server's restarted..It'll be back on in a minute.
Newbie chats : Why do you need it ?? Cant we just play ??
Conran chats : No..We need to clean system from junk time to time...
Newbie chats : WTH I want to play,what the deal with junk ??
Conran chats : Look..We've been running this mud for ten years,dont you think we know what do we need ??
Newbie chats : But this is stupid ! Reboots suck !
Conran chats : gosh..someone,take care of that newbie,Im an imm after all !!!!
Newbie chats : WTH ?? Whats an imm ??
Shaolong chats : A person who sits and imms all the time..No use from them,but we cant do anything..
Newbie chats : So why dont you kick them all ??
Conran chats : ugh...*sits and imms*
Shaolong chats : Want to see the Hell ??
Newbie chats : WTH ??
Shaolong chats : If you'll continue like that,you'll see yourself *evil grin*
Newbie chats : omfg..Are you serious ?
Muiren chats : did you EVER heard about tells ?
Muadip chats : no no..go on,thats funny
Talmie chats : *cackles* gotta LOVE newbies
Newbie chats : what now is wrong ?

Newbie quotes 'can the newest newbie have a newbie pack for newbies that act like newbies but arent newbies and want to be newbies that think their newbies but fart on newbies. theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee end'

Newbie says, 'im just looking for a good time hot muffins'
[Salja]: ROFL he called you hot muffins
Mandrake asks, 'why the pre-pubescent fantasy crap on our game?'
[Dionae]: Hey, I'm not a twink
[Salja]: i'm going to call you hot muffins from now on, mike.
[Dionae]: Hot muffins
Newbie says, 'because the thought of doing it in such a public place makes me hot'
[Mandrake]: I am hott muffins, 2 T's please

%%> % color
%What ?
%> % colour
%What ?
%> % l
%Purgatory
You stand now in the plane of existence to which all souls come before they
take on the mortal form, and to which they return when the form finally deserts
them once more. The plane extends out in all directions from here, before
disappearing into the extremities of the void. One thing catches your gaze
above all else in this formless existence, a great pool of light that radiates
strongly out into the darker regions, and for some reason you feel that your
destiny lies here. It is well lit here.
%There are no obvious exits.
%a sign, and another sign.
%> % help color
%The following help topics might have what you seek:
% % * set term% % % % %
%% set term
%Your terminal type is not set.
%Available terminal settings: ansi, vt100.
%> % set term ansi
%Usage: set to
Ya gotta have the 'to' in there, or it just ain't gonna work!
%> % l
%Purgatory
You stand now in the plane of existence to which all souls come before they
take on the mortal form, and to which they return when the form finally deserts
them once more. The plane extends out in all directions from here, before
disappearing into the extremities of the void. One thing catches your gaze
above all else in this formless existence, a great pool of light that radiates
strongly out into the darker regions, and for some reason you feel that your
destiny lies here. It is well lit here.
%There are no obvious exits.
%a sign, and another sign.
%> % set term to asni
%You can set term to: ansi, vt100.
%> % l
%Purgatory
You stand now in the plane of existence to which all souls come before they
take on the mortal form, and to which they return when the form finally deserts
them once more. The plane extends out in all directions from here, before
disappearing into the extremities of the void. One thing catches your gaze
above all else in this formless existence, a great pool of light that radiates
strongly out into the darker regions, and for some reason you feel that your
destiny lies here. It is well lit here.
%There are no obvious exits.
%a sign, and another sign.
%> % set term to asni
%You can set term to: ansi, vt100.
%> %
%> % asni
%What ?
%> % set term to asni,
%You can set term to: ansi, vt100.
%%Raven tells you: 'a_n_s_i'
% reply Thanks
%That person is not in the room.
%> % set term a_s_n_i
%Usage: set to
Ya gotta have the 'to' in there, or it just ain't gonna work!
%%Raven tells you: 'stands for American National Standards Institute'
> % set term to a_s_n_i
%You can set term to: ansi, vt100.
%%Raven bows.
> % l
%Purgatory
You stand now in the plane of existence to which all souls come before they
take on the mortal form, and to which they return when the form finally deserts
them once more. The plane extends out in all directions from here, before
disappearing into the extremities of the void. One thing catches your gaze
above all else in this formless existence, a great pool of light that radiates
strongly out into the darker regions, and for some reason you feel that your
destiny lies here. It is well lit here.
%There are no obvious exits.
%a sign, and another sign.
%> % tell raven Thanks
%That person is not in the room.
%%Raven says, 'ansi... a N S i'
%Raven says, 'not asni'
> ez
What ?
> wz
> % set term to a n s i
%You can set term to: ansi, vt100.
%Raven shimmers into visibility.
% bow
%You bow.
%> % say Sorry.
%You say, 'Sorry.'
> force newbie to set term to ansi
%Terminal set to ansi.
> % say First time here.
%You say, 'First time here.'
%> % l
%Purgatory
You stand now in the plane of existence to which all souls come before they
take on the mortal form, and to which they return when the form finally deserts
them once more. The plane extends out in all directions from here, before
disappearing into the extremities of the void. One thing catches your gaze
above all else in this formless existence, a great pool of light that radiates
strongly out into the darker regions, and for some reason you feel that your
destiny lies here. It is well lit here.
%There are no obvious exits.
%a sign, and another sign.
Raven the troll.
%> %Raven says, 'No problem.'
%Raven grins trollishly.
> % beam
%What ?
%> % smile
%You smile.
%> % l
%Purgatory
You stand now in the plane of existence to which all souls come before they
take on the mortal form, and to which they return when the form finally deserts
them once more. The plane extends out in all directions from here, before
disappearing into the extremities of the void. One thing catches your gaze
above all else in this formless existence, a great pool of light that radiates
strongly out into the darker regions, and for some reason you feel that your
destiny lies here. It is well lit here.
%There are no obvious exits.
%a sign, and another sign.
Raven the troll.
%> % say Color!
%You exclaim, 'Color!'
%> % hop
%You hop like a frog.
%Raven grins.
%Raven says, 'Read the signs... they'll get you started. Good luck.'
% l
%Purgatory
You stand now in the plane of existence to which all souls come before they
take on the mortal form, and to which they return when the form finally deserts
them once more. The plane extends out in all directions from here, before
disappearing into the extremities of the void. One thing catches your gaze
above all else in this formless existence, a great pool of light that radiates
strongly out into the darker regions, and for some reason you feel that your
destiny lies here. It is well lit here.
%There are no obvious exits.
%a sign, and another sign.
Raven the troll.
%Raven waves.
%Raven melts into a shadow and is gone.

[newbie] Ming: help im dying of thirst and cant figure out how use my canteen.
[newbie] Gwenyth: open it.
[newbie] Eagleon: Get it from your pack, open it, and drink.
[newbie] Ming: how do i get it from my pack ?
[newbie] Gwenyth: take canteen from backpack.
[newbie] Ming: its open and i can see the canteen.
[newbie] Ming: no its in the satchel.
[newbie] Gwenyth: ok, take canteen from satchel.
[newbie] Ming: i tried that it didnt work.
[newbie] Gwenyth: erm...
[newbie] Dia: drop satchel, get canteen from satchel, open canteen, drink from canteen.
[newbie] Ming: ok
[newbie] Ming: some woman just took my canteen !!!

Don't know if this counts, but it's mighty funny anyway. In Dark Age of Camelot (a P2P MMORPG), you can get horses to other towns. Getting on is automatic and the horse runs along the road- without any provocation from you- straight to the very end of the road without stopping. It passes through all the towns, kind of like a tram.

I was standing at a merchant when I saw a horse run past and heard this:

[Newbie] yells 'HELP ME I CAN'T GET OFF THIS HORSE I WANTED TO GET OFF FOUR TOWNS AGO HELP ME PLEASE'