Caradise Lost: 5 Annoying Types of Cara Delevingne Fans

Just yesterday we decamped to the greener, equine-filled pastures of Edie-ville, leaving nothing behind but the broken zipper-pulls of our unicorn onesies and the nubby end of a single desiccated french fry.

We may have fickle hearts, but who needs flip-flopping fans when you’ve got legions of die-hard girls and boys willing to brave the stinkiest pits of the Internet for you? Out of the beanie-wearing hordes, i-Dselected four of Cara Delevingne’s top acolytes, who (predictably) all swore they’d love their increasingly tattooed queen forever and follow her to the ends of the earth.

Ribbing aside, we’re pleased to learn this most visible section of the fandom (at least) is rooted in pure fun, which isn’t always evident on the other side of Caradise. Here, we present to you the five lesser-known types of Delevingners, aka those who are, let’s say, a few pink-goo nuggets short of a Happy Meal.

The “Follow Me and Make the Only Dream I Will Ever Have Come True”
We recommend something called “expanding your horizons.”

The Insistent Artist
“I have a drawing you have to see immediately please please please!!!!!!”

The Adult Who Somehow Survived School Without Figuring out ‘Your’ and ‘You’re’ Aren’t Synonyms
No comment.

The Guard Dog
Blinder than Lena Dunham’s stylist and more ferocious than an Alexander Wangsecret-giveaway participant protecting her pile, she will chew you out if you utter anything less than complimentary.

The Choderlos de Laclos
We see epistolary novels in your future. Like, the next time you post a Facebook status starting “Dear Obamacare …”