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Friday, December 02, 2005

Ah Long’s “Credit Card”

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(Which is the Real McCoy here? I actually got this in my postbox couple days ago).Ah Long Credit Card unique features:-

1. Not mandatory to fill up any forms. Just call us on our “ever-changing” pre-paid numbers and we will do the rest. Mandatory photos of your face (front. left, right, back and top views) is however required

2. Higher credit limit depending on how many limbs you have. Anyway, don’t worry about the limbs for now – we will “explain” it further upon your first default of payment.

3. Persistent phone calls and site visits is only done after credit has been used & not repaid. House repainting in red or “publicity” of your debts in your neighborhood will be provided by us for free. Until then we won’t “kacau” you with any of our “promotions”

4. Not widely accepted in shopping centers (so forget using it for sundry shopping in Tesco) but don't worry, it readily available at illegal gambling dens, illegal massage centers and Genting Highland

5. Collateral can be in form of MyKad, ATM Card, Keys to your car, family members, etc. We will decide for you.

6. Credit can still be approved even though you are a bankrupt or have been blacklisted by banks. Anything is possible as long as you don’t default on payments or willing to do “extra work” for us.

7. Although only available in Malaysia (and some part of southern Thailand), a 24 hour customer service is available. Call us for additional easy loan - additional charges will be imposed on minute’s basis.

8. Unique peer introduction reward – introduce a friend to our services and your limbs will be spared on the current default payment

9. Guarantors will be required if you have suicidal tendency or tendency to go missing in action, otherwise we may force your family member to take on the repayment even though they have denounced you as being part of the family.

10. Due to unique feature of credit card, there is no “minimum monthly payment” limit available, no reward points and no monthly catalogues. Our rule is simple - pay in full or otherwise…