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One World, One Flame (Two Ears Forever Offended)

Bryan Adams has lied to Canada. He once told us, “Everything I do, I do it for you.” But apparently, everything he does, he does for Germany.

“One World, One Flame” is the new song he recently wrote and recorded exclusively for ARD TV in Germany. The German station will use it as the theme song for their Olympic Coverage. I know what your next question is: “How soon can I change my citizenship and move to Deutschland?”

Well stop the paperwork, because Bryan is offering a taste of his song here. Just make sure you’re wearing your water wings, because the lyrics are pretty deep.

And the Germans are pretty excited about it, as you can tell from this ARD broken English press release:

From 1th of February the song is to hear on the ARD and the radio. The song will guide the audience of ARD through the Olympic Games. ARD sports coordinator Balkausky Axel said: “We are very pleased that we could win Bryan Adams for writing and singing this song only for our broadcasts of the Winter Olympics.” Adams is not only world-famous, but stand up for Canada more than any other musicians. With “One World, One Flame” he has written a song that fits perfectly into such a big event like the Olympics. “We are very excited to see how our audience will accept it,” added Balkausky.

It’s worth mentioning the musical anthem for the 2008 Beijing Summer Olympics was “One World, One Dream,” so Bryan really challenged himself creatively on this one.

It’s also worth mentioning that Germany will likely be our toughest rival in the medal count, along with the Americans. If this awful soft rock anthem somehow pushes German athletes to the next level, I will personally hold Bryan Adams accountable.

My bigger fear is that Canadian broadcasters will try to retaliate by commissioning a song by David Hasselhoff.

3 thoughts on “One World, One Flame (Two Ears Forever Offended)”

I wouldn’t worry too much about it man, that’s just Adult Contemporary Bryan Adams. We don’t want him.

Bryan Adams historians will be quick to tell you that he made the transition from Rock n’ Roll Bryan Adams (cool), to Adult Contemporary Bryan Adams (not cool), shortly after “18 Till I Die”. When his infectious cheese filled power balladeering reached the shores of the Old World sometime in the mid-1990’s, they were quick to abduct him and make him their own.

While we lost the man, we still are in posession of his greatest masterpiece; “Summer of ’69”.

Fact: his lesser hits “Everything I Do” and “When You Love a Woman” can be heard to this day on buses, trains, elevators, in stores and cafes all across Europe. If you ask a European to play “Summer of ’69”, however, they have no idea what you’re talking about.