He’s somewhere out there right now, his jumbled thoughts percolating with sheer panic. The next big story tossed on the spit.

Soon enough, the New Orleans Police Department will detain and book him. They’ll show his mug shot, they’ll file charges and he’ll retain an attorney who will unashamedly proclaim boys will be boys.

But here’s the undeniable truth: He is a sick man.

Celebrating his team’s BCS national championship wasn’t good enough. He had to act like a sexual deviant, dropping his trousers to remove all doubt.

What we have here, ladies and gentlemen, is the definition of dumb—and the lengths some people will go to expose it. In other words, life in college football fandom.

If you thought Harvey Updyke was stuck on stupid, we give you Brian Downing. The only difference: one idiot bragged about breaking the law in the name of Roll Damn Tide, and the other did it while his friends watched—and recorded—the sad event.

It’s so utterly disgusting and degrading, it’s not worth linking to the viral video. But know this: The entire four minutes and 48 seconds of infamy—and 30 seconds of one man exposing his genitalia and placing it on the face of another man—is rock bottom for the lunatic fringe of college football fans.

That it’s an Alabama fan doing it to an LSU fan—a passed-out LSU fan at a Krystal Burgers—in the early morning hours after the BCS National Championship Game, gives the sordid story legs. That an Auburn message board found Downing—who was never identified on the cell phone video—should give pause to every numbskull with grandiose ideas of their 15 minutes of fame.

No matter what you do in this Internet age, your rival will find out. And when he does, the first order of business is hiring an attorney.

The next, of course, is pleading drunken stupidity.

Like it or not, this is college football fanaticism in a nutshell. Some are clearly more bat crazy than others—and some are downright criminal.

But this is how the sport grew from a regional hodgepodge of big-name teams, to a national behemoth of power conferences that blew past Major League Baseball and the NBA and trails only the NFL in fan popularity. The same wild and wonderful passion that fuels the majority of fans filling 80,000-seat stadiums every fall Saturday, is the same energy that pushes the unbalanced minority over the edge.

After Updyke’s poisoning of Auburn’s famous Toomer’s Corner oak trees, Tide coach Nick Saban made it perfectly clear that those living in crazy don’t represent the true Alabama fan. Now what does he say? Now what does any coach in any similar situation say?

I’ve got two words that seem apropos: Grow up.

Before Downing was identified, before he got in his car Thursday afternoon with his attorney and began the long, embarrassing perp walk (drive) from Phenix City, Ala., to New Orleans, all we knew was what we saw on the video. One man unzipping and doing the unthinkable—after two others thought about it and began unzipping before being held back by others.

That’s three grown men, after a joyous moment in fandom, deciding to show what they’re made of—with cell phone cameras rolling along. That’s three men, without care, willing to ruin their lives (and more important, the life of the victim) because one team beat another.