What NOT TO GET your dad for Father’s Day1. Soap on a Rope (unless he’s in jail)2. The DNA test (let’s just keep that between Mom and the Fed-Ex guy)3. Anything with the word “soy” in it.4. Used scaffolding5. Beer in amounts more than 39 ounces6. Rocking chair7. Old Spice8. Elvis anything9. Chalk or anything that is written on with chalk10. Lie detector

What TO GET your dad for Father’s Day1. Carbide2. Link to website on how to delete internet history/cookies.3. A tie (it’s back in this year)4. Bacon, 10 pounds (raw or cooked)5. Anything that starts with Nintendo, has Station in the middle or ends with Box.6. Salted anything7. Bribe money8. Boxed wine9. Dashboard hula girl10. “How to Pass a Lie Detector Test” book/pamphlet