The World Day of Peace is celebrated on January 1. The Pope’s message for the 2013 observance, entitled “Blessed are the Peacemakers,” was released by the Vatican on December 14th.

In his message the Pope says that “the desire for peace is an essential aspiration” of all men. “Man is made for peace, which is God’s gift,” he writes, adding that “peace is both a messianic gift and the fruit of human effort.”

Cary and I have often said we believe we are called to the work we are doing. We believe in peacemaking and in our work with families we feel it is so necessary now to show people that the family is such a key component of peace to the structure of society and that the family is the fertile ground where people begin to understand the dynamics of creating peaceful human relationship that touches all our relationships.

The Pope goes on to say: “The denial of what makes up the true nature of human beings in its essential dimensions, its intrinsic capacity to know the true and the good and, ultimately, to know God Himself, jeopardizes peacemaking.” We all know the true and the good yet we are constantly being taught and pushed away from that truth….and we do not even realize it. We have so lost access to our own conscience…to a harsh examination of self…by the mountain of sentimentalization and feel-good stuff we see everyday that we refuse to hear that small voice within us anymore. We label that small voice weak or judgmental or intolerant or a host of other names. Perhaps…but if you are not hearing that voice, examining it, using your reason with it…then you are simply ignoring reality within you and being seduced by others. You give up your access to truth. This is truly what jeopardizes peacemaking.

Educating about peace requires, says the Pope, educating about love. This begins in the family. This was his message of peace for 2012. For Love takes delight in truth, it is the force that enables us to make a commitment to truth, to justice, to peace, because it bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things (cf. 1 Cor 13:1-13). We are no longer learning love like this in the family. The presence of parents is usurped by the frenetic pace of life: working, activities, worries about the future. All of these things make the family unstable and rob all members of the opportunity to love:

“by sharing more deeply in the journey of life and thus to pass on experiences and convictions gained with the passing of years, experiences and convictions which can only be communicated by spending time together. I would urge parents not to grow disheartened! May they encourage children by the example of their lives to put their hope before all else in God, the one source of authentic justice and peace.”

Families must slow down. They must turn of the television. They must spend time together and with others in community and in healthy, positive, life-affirming activities. This is not easy. My own family struggles with this every day…I mean every day. We by no means have mastered it yet I continue to push. The sacrament of confession helps me know my conscience and myself better and it infuses me with the grace of Christ to move forward. It helps me to trust God more and move my family into a deeper more meaningful relationship with the Lord that will produce peacemakers of all of us. My trust in the Lord has never been greater and the peace I experience and the “letting go” of the stress and the pressures of keeping up with everybody and everything is a welcome relief. The Lord will provide and move us where He needs us to go. Seek first His righteousness and all else, baseball and hockey careers, money, fun, good schools, retirement….will be provided.

For this year, the Pope goes further pointing out that we must cultivate clear and valid moral points of reference. These will only come for a clear and forceful examination of conscious because truth lies in all of us. We must also, within our own families, promote and teach acts of peacemaking.

“In the end, we see clearly the need to propose and promote a pedagogy of peace. This calls for a rich interior life, clear and valid moral points of reference, and appropriate attitudes and lifestyles. Acts of peacemaking converge for the achievement of the common good; they create interest in peace and cultivate peace. Thoughts, words and gestures of peace create a mentality and a culture of peace, and a respectful, honest and cordial atmosphere. There is a need, then, to teach people to love one another, to cultivate peace and to live with good will rather than mere tolerance. A fundamental encouragement to this is “to say no to revenge, to recognize injustices, to accept apologies without looking for them, and finally, to forgive”,[7] in such a way that mistakes and offences can be acknowledged in truth, so as to move forward together towards reconciliation. This requires the growth of a pedagogy of pardon.”

Families this is so important and yet we are so far away from it. We all know it as we read those words. We do not forgive or pardon. We are proud, arrogant in our own ways and thoughts. We see only ourselves, our own children, our own values. This is not a pedagogy of pardon. We must look to the life of Christ Himself, our Saviour whom many of us profess to worship. His life was one of pardon and love. He calls us to imitate Him. Bear the pain as He bore His cross. Teach your children humility, compassion, empathy, love. Show that love yourself. The family must rise up and show itself the force to be reckoned with against the media and culture that strives to divide the family, water it down, redefine the truth of family and familial love.

So as I wait for the coming of the Child King this year I revel in the beauty and the graciousness of God who has affirmed for me my calling in the work I do. I give Him glory and praise especially by conforming my life to Him and praying for families to stand up and be counted among His chosen. Do not be fearful for He is with us always.

Pope’s full address for 2012 can be found here and for 2013 can be found here.

It certainly ticks me off when I hear people – especially lawyers – say to Cary and I after a mediation that they are delighted with the result of the mediation but “it took too long” or “we should have gotten there sooner.” Arrgghhhhh.

Getting to real solutions takes time because understanding the problem from perspectives other than your own takes time. I very often see and hear about successful mediators who get agreement or settlement by banging so hard on the parties and attorneys that the deal is really the mediator’s deal and not the parties. Most attorneys will tell me, ” a done deal is a done deal no matter how we get there.” But in many of those “pounded” out deals, no real understanding of the problem has occurred such that often the agreement unravels later or people live with the shame of an agreement they hate and end up slamming the mediation process as a byproduct.

Understanding a problem requires the mediator to prepare the parties for becoming curious instead of attacking so that they can begin to see the conflict from different frames of reference. People come in needing to unload emotionally and get unlocked from their position. This takes time and patience. But this is precisely what must be done before we begin coming up with solutions that will stick and that the parties will want to adhere to.

The story below is a wonderful example of taking the time to understand the problem. Thank you Tammy Lenski and her blog, Conflict Zen and the comment from Amanda Bucklow for inspiring this post.

A man walking in the desert approached a Bedouin. “How far to the nearest oasis?” he inquired.
The Bedouin did not respond. “I said, how far is it to the nearest oasis?” the man asked, a bit more loudly this time and enunciating his words very carefully.
The Bedouin still did not respond. The man shook his head in frustration, turned, and began to walk away.
The Bedouin called out, “It will take you three hours!”
The man spun around to face the Bedouin. “Couldn’t you have told me that when I first asked?”
“No,” replied the Bedouin. “I couldn’t answer until I knew how fast you walk.”