For the past 20 minutes. I have been laughing and crying frantically. Nothing triggered this. I just started laughing and crying simultaneously for no reason. The laughter is fading and the crying part of this is starting to take over. My face is aching in pain. My stomach as well. And my heart is hurting, emotionally and physically due to this. I just cant figure out why this is happening right now.

Dont fight it man, just feel. Life is crazy sometimes, but dont choke off what your feeling. If you think your going to hurt yourself, reach out. Your not crazy, you feel what you feel. You will get through this.

Cardsthe chances are its a riot of new emotions, feelings long surpressed coming through.We stop being the strong silent types, the "real" men, the ones who dont think they have a problem or need help and become people in touch with themselves, people with emotions. And it's new and strange to us.

But the guys are right, if it seems like too much to deal with get proffesional help.Lloydy

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.Henry David Thoreau

It's happening right now because you are ready to deal with it. Ready to deal with all the feelings you have repressed for years. Even though it's terrifying, its actually a sign that healing is in progress. Like "Broken" said, you are not going crazy, just let yourself feel. Feelings are always temporary, they wash over us like waves, and will not kill you. Nor will you get stuck this way. And I agree will the other guys, if it gets to be just too much, get professional help, even if that means going to the emergency room, seeing a psychiatrist, whatever.

I started into on-line stuff a while back. I guess it was Thanksgiving (late November in U.S.) four years ago. It is not unusual for some up-and-downs. I sort of think of them as a roller coaster. Like everyone said, get help if you need it. But on the good side, I have observed that many good breakthroughs start with a breakdown.

And it is odd where they can hit. After a while they are sort like rain; you can?t do much but get wet if you are in it, it happens and is necessary. The way I used to describe them in my old group was as tears for watering the flowers in our hearts and souls. (somehow that seems better on a mostly girls site. )

For this last month, we have been working on a dam site. You know, a real heavy industrial man safe work-site. And one would think that should be a safely "devoid of emotion" place.

But yesterday I was blast cleaning the inside of a gate. You get in a pressure helmet, heavy clothes, drag the equipment in, brace yourself and settle in for dust, sparks, metal, and slag flying. Hard and heavy, but pretty much "guy safe" work.

One of the lead mechanics had mentioned last week that is quite a place to be alone with your own thoughts. So I actually I was thinking about this group stuff, and what you had mentioned about groups and therapy, and me actually going to visit my perp and forgive him, and my little 3 month old girl. And I just started sobbing and sobbing.

It kept up for while I was in there. So I just kept blasting and sobbing. At least in a blasting project there is a fair amount of dust, so it does not look unusual for your eyes to be red.

But my point was, that yeah, the happies and crying happen to everyone.

And my conclusion of mine was, well gee, if I can't push my own butt up the last little (hardly little ) peak of "Getting-Well-Mountain" and properly forgive my perp for my own sake, at least I will have to because my little girl needs a whole, complete, and mentally healthy daddy.

And you (all) deserve to be whole, complete and mentally healthy, too.

Tears water the flowers in our hearts and souls. So water your flowers.

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