One thing I think all victims of narcissistic abuse would love is to have their abuser acknowledge the damage they have done, & genuinely apologize for it. In fact, some feel they can’t heal or forgive without such actions.

Unfortunately, abusers, narcissists in particular, aren’t exactly the most compassionate people you’ll ever meet. The chances of them owning up to what they have done are practically non existent. (The only reason I think there may be even a slim chance is because of Matthew 19:26, that says with God, all things are possible.)

You need to accept the fact that the person who abused you most likely will never acknowledge hurting you or apologize for what she did. I know it is hard & painful, but it is easier than continuing to wait for the acknowledgement you want. Expecting a narcissist to acknowledge what they have done will only lead to great disappointment & frustration for you.

To help you accept this ugly truth, I urge you to learn as much as you can about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The more you know about NPD, the more you will understand the narcissist in your life. Understanding it will also help you to grasp why an apology or acknowledgement from that person is not going to happen.

Pray. Tell God how you feel & ask Him to comfort you. He will listen & comfort you gladly!

Don’t let other people define you! If you do, not getting the acknowledgement & apology you want will devastate you. You will feel something is wrong with you instead of the narcissist, which is completely WRONG! Just because a person won’t acknowledge the damage they have done to you doesn’t mean you are the problem. Some people simply refuse to do this. They cannot handle the guilt of what they have done, so rather than fess up to it, they will pretend it never happened or accuse you of making things up. Isn’t it obvious that you are not the problem?

On the off chance you do get an apology from the narcissist, examine it carefully! Often narcissists use a passive/aggressive apology just to shut their victim up (“I’m sorry you feel that way”). The expectation is that you will hear an apology, & forgive & forget. They aren’t truly sorry if they use the passive/aggressive apology at all. Or, they may say they are sorry, but are looking for reassurance for you, which is narcissistic supply. If you say, “It’s ok, I understand” & they persist on saying why what they have done is bad, basically they are pushing you into reassuring them that they are forgiven, & they are looking for you to provide narcissistic supply.

And, never forget…if you confront a narcissist, you may be attacked. It doesn’t matter how valid your claims, they often turn the tables on anyone who dares to criticize them. They will do anything to protect the image they portray of themselves.

2 responses to “Accepting That Your Suffering May Never Be Acknowledged”

It isn’t so much my abuser that I want to hear from but those that have blandly accepted their lies about me. The N does what he/she does because as narcissists they need to hurt others, to have power and control over other people. What I have difficulty with is that non-narcissists so often believe what they are told without giving me the opportunity to defend myself, often disregarding what they have learned about me first hand over the years.

I understand that totally… that’s the hard part. How can these people blindly believe the narcissist? Ok, narcissists are great actors- we know this- but still, shouldn’t the listener question something at some point rather than blindly listening?! It’s pretty maddening.

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