New 'Fifty Shades' film roasted by critics in hilarious reviews

The newest and last instalment in the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy has been torn to shreds after its world premiere this week. Critics have called the film dull and the dialogue laughable, while also criticising a lack of chemistry between the two leads, Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan.

Fifty Shades Freed once again follows the lives of the rich Christian Grey (Dornan) and his girlfriend, now wife, Anastasia Steele (Johnson). The movie shows the pair getting married, going on their honeymoon and battling it out with Anastasia’s psychotic former employer, sleaze bag Jack Hyde.

Unlike the previous instalments, this film had no pre-screenings for critics, a tactic some say was a ploy to stop bad reviews filtering out before the movie’s release.

Now that the film is out, there are a number of hilarious reviews; including one by the Herald Sun that likened the viewing experience to “a bad Tinder date that lasted three years”.

Rolling Stone wrote: “Audiences are in for two hours of cruel and unusual punishment … Whips, chains, butt plugs and nipple clips are nothing compared to the sheer torture of watching this movie.”

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The Herald Sun’s Leigh Paatsch wrote: “While the new movie has been rated by Australian censors as an MA15-plus, the feckless plotting of Fifty Shades Freed comes in at an IQ15-minus … And not just because Ana has sprung the surprise she is pregnant. Or that Christian pettily reacts to the news as if someone stole his favourite pair of studded leather undies.”

Referring to the painfully clichéd moniker for Anastasia’s villain boss — Hyde — Jordan Mintzer of The Hollywood Reporter wrote: “Like Grey or Steele, its metaphorical weight smacks you in the face with all the subtlety of a giant dildo — a man who used to be a fiction book editor, has now become an expert in corporate sabotage, burglary, blackmail and kidnapping. It’s so poorly handled that it’s laughable.”

He also called Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele, one of the “dullest couples to ever grace the screen”.

According to film rating website Rotten Tomatoes, the movie is already among the worst-ranking films of the year, scoring only 6 out of 100.

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Many reviewers also made fun of the terrible dialogue–especially in relation to Steele’s job working at a publishing house where the only thing she seems to tell her staff is to, “increase a font size by two points.”

It’s easy to forgive the film’s tragic script given some of the painfully awkward lines from the books include: “He has a hotline to my groin,” and “in her pale pink, frothy baby-doll dress and killer heels, she towers over me like a Christmas tree fairy,” as well as “desire pools dark and deadly in my groin”.

It seems the film’s own stars are ready to wash their hands of it too, with Dornan saying his days of playing the mysterious Mr Grey are over. .

Do you like the Fifty Shades films? Will you be seeing the latest one?