turkey & avocado sandwich (the b2 noob special)

03.01.2017

Hello, all! This is Bowl Number 2/B2/Andy subbing in for Cynthia this week. I’m stepping out from my usual role on the blog, i.e. part-time hand model and taste tester, to pitch in a quick guest post. Between Cynthia’s work as a lawyer, blogger, cookbooker, wife, and mommy, she doesn’t get a lot of time off, so I figured I’d give her time to sneak in a nap this week. So here we go!

The bowl household has really settled into a regular rhythm after four months, now that we have started to figure out the mysterious, tiny potato that is B3. He enjoys cooing, bouncing in his baby bjorn, resting his lumpy cheeks on mama’s shoulder, and Korean nursery songs. He does not like sleeping between 11 pm and 2 am, being ignored when he has something to say, or, despite what newborn/infant wisdom would have us believe, being swaddled or restrained in any way (I have seen him punch his pudgy arms out of straitjacket-like swaddles with both remarkable ease and impressive fury–much to the dismay of veteran nurses who think they have trapped him).

B3 is, in many ways, the bowl house’s cult leader. He has reprogrammed us through sleep-deprivation and sheer charisma, and I am pretty sure B1 and I might kill on his behalf with the right trigger word. In sum, our world revolves around this tiny potato man.

Along with this new focus on chubby cheeks and tiny toes, though, have come a few challenges. There’s a lot more to juggle, and only so much we can do in our semi-conscious, sleep-deprived states. In other words, B1 and I are still figuring out how efficiently to divide the labor and each pull our own weight. B1 is doing a titanic amount of work, and I am figuring out how best to help out.

One area where I have never been a great help is the kitchen. I have a second-grader’s understanding of food. I’m an uncoordinated oaf with a knife. And fire makes me nervous. But, my lack of cooking skills aside, there is at least one thing I know that I can make when Cynthia is exhausted, that requires little-to-no-talent and is almost noteworthy for its complete lack of noteworthiness—a turkey and avocado sandwich.

This sandwich came from a summer of isolation in Denver, when I was working as a legal intern after our first year of law school. I was single then and hadn’t started dating B1. I remember thinking, at the time, that I was going to live in isolation like that for the foreseeable future, just beers, video games, and these daily turkey and avocado sandwiches. And yet, despite such well-laid plans, a few years later, I found myself making that sandwich for the first time, on a whim, for my wife, who was pregnant with our first child (?!). Something I didn’t even have the capacity to dream of when I was in Denver.

I don’t know whether it was the pregnancy hormones or the novelty of me stumbling through the kitchen, but B1 took the utmost delight in me putting the sandwich together. And each time I make it now, she (entirely for my benefit, I’m sure) acts as if this were the first sandwich ever gifted to man by God himself.

At the end of the day, though. It is just a sandwich, and very much a kitchen noob sandwich at that. Two slices of bread, veggies, and some condiments. No impressive twists or turns or fusiony magic. Maybe a baguette with some toasted bread if you’re feeling fancy, like the artisanal eatery, Subway.

But this is one of the few tangible things I can contribute in the kitchen, when Cynthia is tired and we don’t want to order. It is, what I imagine what we will make B3 and B(X) and B(X+1) and B(X+n) when mommy is working, and those poor little bastards are stuck with dad making meals (so many apologies in advance).

Between that and Shin Ramyun, I think we have a good start, but I’ve still got a long, long way to go. Lucky for me, B1 is the best teacher a second red bowl could ask for.

P.S. I took great delight in referring to Cynthia as “B1.” She found it odd, because she, of course, always goes by Cynthia. But if I’m B2, and Luke is B3, she has got to be B1. Besides, it makes me laugh because it reminds me of the TV show “Bananas in Pyjamas.” If you’re not familiar, I leave you with this rational, completely understandable Wikipedia summary:

The main characters are two anthropomorphic bananas named B1 and B2. Other characters include the three teddy bears Amy, Lulu and Morgan, and Rat in a Hat. The bananas, the teddies and Rat in a Hat all live in the same neighbourhood, a cul-de-sac called “Cuddles Avenue”. The bananas live next to the beach and serve as beach patrol. The teddies live next to and look after the park. Rat in a Hat works and lives at the community store. The characters enjoy eating “munchy honeycakes” and “yellow jelly”.

If you like, toast the bread. When we're feeling really fancy, we use French bread, sliced in half and placed under the broiler for 30 seconds to a minute.

If serving to a pregnant wife, microwave the turkey for about 30 seconds, or put it into the broiler with the bread until steaming.

Place bread on sandwich-constructing surface.

Spread avocado on one slice, and mayonnaise on the other slice.

Decide which bread is the bottom bread. Put the turkey on the bottom bread. (Note: I failed to do this in the photos above, and it keeps me up at night. Be sure to put meat at the bottom or chaos will reign.)

Shake mustard bottle to prevent mustard water spill, then apply mustard on top of turkey meat.

Press down firmly until sandwich is within maximum mouthspan. Maximum mouthspan may be measured by holding finger up to mouth and measuring on finger the length between top and bottom teeth. You can then hold that finger measurement up against the sandwich to be eaten. It won't help you eat the sandwich in any way, but it will give you the illusion of control.

LOLLL THIS POST IS AMAZING. Yay B1!!!!!! I especially loved the recipe directions. I scrolled back up to look at the turkey not being on the bottom bun. You and Cynthia sound like such a great pair–LOVED the backstory behind this sandwich and the videos of B3 omg 😍😍

Wow, that may be the nicest compliment my sandwich-making has ever gotten. I’m not sure I’ve graduated from journeyman to master sandwich artist yet, but I agree it’s a real craft. What do you think, Cynthia, “B2 Dreams of Sandwich” documentary?

Oh, my God, that video of your baby laughing is just the cutest thing ever. I also had a baby who did not like being restrained and really, really hated Baby Bjorns and anything else claustrophobic like that. It is OK. Eventually he’ll be big enough for a stroller.

Also, even though I like cooking, I would be delighted if my husband ever made me such a beautiful sandwich. I like sandwiches. If I ask him for a sandwich, he just buys Subway. So you are doing pretty well.

Glad to hear B3 isn’t the only one who refuses to be restrained! It’s so funny how strong their preferences can be at such a young age. We wonder how much of that is going to manifest in his personality later (expecting him to be quite the handful once he gets mobile). And Subway is pretty hard to beat imho, so that’s high praise. Thanks for reading!

B3’s only just started with the laughing recently, but you’re right, the smiles and giggles definitely help make up for the sleepless hours. Congrats to you, your daughter-in-law, and granddaughter closing in on the 3 month mark!

You and B1 are the perfect fit for each other and I’m taking this not from the turkey sandwich but from your sense of humor? Humors? Regardless, turkey and avocado is my favourite lunch sandwich and it’s so super nice of you to take over the blog and make this for B1. Hi Cynthia! Your baby is effing ADORABLE. Next please make a B3 sandwich because I’m pretty sure those cheeks are edible.

Those puffy cheeks are indeed hard to resist. And thanks, I think our sense of humor(s) gel well too. I hope to reach a point where B1 and I just sit on the couch and make each other laugh telepathically like weirdos. I think we’re close.

I love this post! That last photo is JUST!! Nice to meet B2. Funny how you have no expectations of life events and then they just happen and you go with it. It’s cool to hear your perspective. Glad you’ve reached a routine. Best to all of you!

Loved every bit of this from the back story to the videos, pics, and recipe to bananas in pajamas. Well done B2! Hope this was as much fun for you as it’s been for us to read. Line up your next recipe & guest appearance. 🙂

I will admit, it was a lot of fun! And a lot harder than Cynthia makes it look (and it already looked hard). No future appearances lined up, but I will have my people talk to B1’s people. Thanks for reading!

Yeah, when I look back on the show now it really does seem like they were high on something. Even as a kid it was very…odd. And hi! It’s Lyndsay from Coco Cake Land, wow! Cynthia talks about “Lyndsay from Coco Cake Land” and Teddy all the time (a normal amount, not a creepy amount or anything). Nice to finally say hello!

This is hilarious. I love the very specific directions like “Shake mustard bottle to prevent mustard water spill.” It’s so true! Also, the picture of B3 with the giant sandwich half is the best thing I’ve seen all week.

Ahhh by the looks of it, you’re doing an amazing job B2!!!!!!! And that GIF is awesome. Pudgy glory everywhere, indeed! I loved reading from you because A–you’re pretty funny, and B–I’m so curious if you’re a lot Korean in your customs and ways of life? You even talk about gom-sae-ma-ree, and that my friend, is being Korean at its finest. ;)))