Making Best Of Reunions

Are your relatives the biggest bunch of morons to ever bumble through baggage claim at Ellis Island?

Still want to get them all in one place anyway?

Well, for everyone who appreciates when people speak slowly, there's a new family-reunion planning tool -- ``The Pocket Idiot's Guide to Family Reunions'' by Amy Zavatto.

The 192-page book walks readers through the process -- shaking the family tree, finding long-lost relatives, choosing decorations and creating a website and a budget.

Zavatto knows bad reunions. She's been.

``At 13, my mother dragged me to a family reunion kicking and screaming. But when I got there, it was just such an eye-opening experience,'' said Zavatto from her home in Brooklyn. ``My Irish grandmother did not like my father because he was Italian.''

Zavatto said her garlic and Gaelic family never quite got along, and she found herself ignoring her Irish half until she got older and could arrange her own reunions. She's even found relatives in Ireland. She denies being ``a professional reunioner'' but admits that she has learned along the way.

Dos

Plan well ahead. ``Even if it is a small gathering of 26 people, start three months in advance, six for more than that.''

Line up your volunteers early. Who is cooking? Who is finding a place? Keep tabs, and make calls.

Don't just take the butcher's word for it. ``If you do decide to hire vendors, make sure you get everything in writing. Get a contract; make sure you can produce it. And check up with them.''

Have it outside at a park or beach, but check regulations. Can you have music? Pets? Alcohol? ``Otherwise you could show up there, and some park ranger could say, `Get out of here,' and your day is completely ruined.''

Start a website to keep people informed, and help those who are far away feel connected.

Don'ts

Don't expect people to mix. ``Work out games ahead of time. They are important icebreakers, and they get people talking to each other.''

Don't think you can do this quickly; don't underestimate time.

Don't try to get in the middle of family squabbles. ``Maybe your Uncle Moe and your cousin Julie don't like each other, and they say they don't want to come. Don't get involved; just make it as hospitable as possible.''

Don't exclude a family member. Even if everyone in your family hates Uncle Whatever, ``You will run into them years down the line and think, `I wish I had invited them.'''

But most important: ``Remember, they're your family,'' she said. ``You are stuck with them.''