BRUHstrology: How It’s Goin’ Down (Week of 08/05/18)

We decode your horoscope so you don't have to.

BRUHstrology is where the astral plane and corner store meet. With the expert help of astrologer Janelle Belgrave (and our resident BRUHstrologer, Bruce Goodwin II), CASSIUS decodes your horoscope so you don’t have to. Here’s what’s on deck for the week of August 5, 2018.

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Aries

The Astrologer Says:

Venus will be giving you a challenge this week by asking if you can put the needs of your partner just slightly ahead of your own, Aries. Sounds impossible, I know, but hear me out. Take this as an opportunity to be the kind of partner who anticipates what their loved one needs before they say it and see what kind of reaction you get. Chances are you’ll enjoy a little extra romancing when they respond with gratitude that you’re being so loving. Meeting in the middle and being diplomatic has its benefits, you know.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Seems like someone has been a bit selfish lately and its time to switch that up. There’s been a lot of nights in sports bars eating copious amounts of hot wings with the game blaring in the background instead of taking your significant other to museums or whatever other activities you find boring AF. Realize that they have needs too, and stop thinking it’s all about you all the time.

Leo

The Astrologer Says:

Enjoy a little conversation this week, Leo, as Venus enters your house of communication and local travel. Anything that gets your mind going and fills you with curiosity and laughter is the medicine to all that ails you. It’s your season still, so you won’t be at a loss for company if you’re seeking road trip buddies. If you’re looking for a more focused use of this energy, definitely let Venus help you by sweetening your words in such a way that people will be falling all over themselves to support you.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

We get it, you don’t always feel like people-ing. But a little conversation with some like-minded individuals will make you realize that jetting out of the office at the end of the day can sometimes be less fun than a few drinks with some newfound friends. Oh, and keep the drinking under control. We don’t need your drunken rant to turn into the talk around the water cooler tomorrow.

Sagittarius

The Astrologer Says:

It may be up to you to bring everyone to the table this week, Sadge. Venus is spending time in your house of friends and wishes, so you’ll desire more time with your people, including those who have a tendency to live on the fringes. With Venus’ support, you’ll work the kind of magic that has everyone you love feeling both equal and included in the big picture. In today’s world, that can’t be a bad thing. Lift your glass to friendship and dreaming up a brighter future for all to enjoy!

The BRUHstrologer Says:

It’s summer and you probably still haven’t thrown your own proper BBQ yet. Invite your friends and family over for a chill afternoon. And since you’d probably burn a pot of boiling water, don’t feel bad ordering pizza and wings. Just don’t order Papa John’s and everything will be fine.

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Taurus

The Astrologer Says:

With all the unexpected changes that have been going on in your life, sometimes it’s a good idea to get grounded by doing the things you know you’re already good at doing. Venus’ entrance into your house of health and routines will have you cleaning, fixing, doing acts of service, and enjoying some of your favorite hobbies for pleasure’s sake alone. In the midst of chaos, find peace in the familiar.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

There’s been a lot of good—and bad—change in your life as of late, but you’ve still been killing sh*t. Also Venus is entering into your house of health and routines. I have no idea what that means, but it probably has something to do with you cleaning up your messy a*s apartment.

Virgo

The Astrologer Says:

Although you have a reputation for being frugal and no nonsense when it comes to your money, try to splurge a little this week, Virgo. Treat yoself! Venus in your house of money and self esteem will push you to indulge in your physical senses. Eat, drink, enjoy some finery with fine people and watch your mood and self confidence increase as a result. And if you simply can’t spend freely, put some money aside just for you to do what you want without guilt. I believe in you, Virgo. Now go make it rain.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Missed out on that fire anniversary sale at Nordstrom? Your loss, dog. But don’t hesitate to treat yourself this week—buy those LeBrons you’ve been plotting on. You’re technically funding his school when you buy his sneakers, right? We all love a good cause.

Capricorn

The Astrologer Says:

Venus will test your resolve to do a lot with a little this week, Capricorn, a feat you happen to enjoy. Anything that makes you feel like you’re the head of management or running the show on a shoestring budget (even if you have a bigger budget) will give you a sense of satisfaction. Find additional ways to feel like a boss by holding people accountable and letting them know that you believe in their ability to go beyond what they think they’re capable of. Brush your shoulders off, Seagoat.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Boss up and don’t be afraid to help those around you.

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Gemini

The Astrologer Says:

Love is in the air this week as Venus enters into your house of romance and creativity, Gemini. Go out and play, Twins. This year has been prickly enough as is, so try to have a little fun to lighten the mood. Instead of finding ways to irritate people, find ways to spread love and generosity. Think of all the ways that you can be the life of the party for all the right reasons as opposed to being the center of attention for saying or doing something wildly controversial. Challenge accepted?

The BRUHstrologer Says:

You’ve been acting like your Gemini brethren Kanye West and Donald Trump. Maybe this week you should try be a bit more like Serena Williams and let us know how that goes.

Libra

The Astrologer Says:

Venus coming home to your sign has you looking really good this week, Libra. Turn up your natural charm and practice being suave in the mirror before heading out the door because chances are high that you’ll have heads swinging when you step out onto the scene. But beyond just looking and feeling good, make an effort to extend that energy to others so that they can learn from the best. People are less inclined to be horrible when they’re busy feeling attractive. Do us that favor, Libra, we could use a little bit of peace.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

I really hope you got that fresh cut on Sunday, because it sets off your whole vibe. Don’t be afraid to moisturize either. All that #selfcare will have you wanting to spread your good energy to those around you. Is it even possible to be moisturized and have an attitude? I think not.

Aquarius

The Astrologer Says:

Yes, we know, Water Bearer, humanity can be awful when it feels like it and that’s the main reason you find us so hard to f*ck with half the time. I don’t blame you, but before you beam yourself up to another galaxy, maybe some distant earthbound travels will keep you with us until we can get our act together. Venus entering into your house of distant travel and higher learning will have you yearning to get away. It will also expose you to new ideas and people who may just restore your faith in humanity. If travel isn’t in the budget, the Travel Channel, National Geographic, and Animal Planet will do the trick.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

The world is going to sh*t, but like, who cares? Start doing the traveling you’ve been promising yourself. All we ask is that you don’t caption your Instagram photos with “Catch flights, not feelings.” Or, keep working and saving until you have enough money to hit the island of your choice with whatever corny captions you like.

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Cancer

The Astrologer Says:

Venus cuddles up in your favorite place in the world this week, Cancer, your house of home and family! Finally you get the opportunity to do the things you love most; chilling on the couch is one, but also enjoying the finer points of the quiet life by nesting. Toss the takeout menus and invite some of your people over for a home cooked meal instead. And yes, you have full permission to finally buy that statement piece of art/appliance/flatscreen you’ve been longing for. If it makes you feel more at home, go for it.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Yup, you get to live it up this weekend. That means watching all those trashy reality shows you secretly love and not feeling judged when your Chinese food arrives with enough plastic cutlery for a small village.

Scorpio

The Astrologer Says:

This week, Venus draws you into the realm of peaceful imagination so that you can replenish your energy and your creativity. It’s nice to be in your own sauce from time to time, so enjoy. Consider this an opportunity to reconnect with your own soul as opposed to the external world that you live in. Turn on the music, dance in your underwear (It’s just gonna be you, no one else is watching!) and see how spending a little down time solo can inspire you and those around you to be kinder and more loving.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

You’re not going back and forth with anyone, you’re living your best life. Dance to Scorpion or Astroworld like no one is watching (except for your creepy roommate who still hasn’t grasped the idea of knocking before entering a room that is not their own). Master the #InMyFeelings challenge with the best of ’em.

Pisces

The Astrologer Says:

Venus will be asking you to enjoy sex, drugs, and magic this week, Pisces. Okay, maybe hold off on the drugs because we all know how you can get, but the sex and magic are exactly what the doctor ordered for your soul to feel at peace. The key to happiness is allowing yourself to be transformed, like turning water into wine. You, too, can make yourself or someone you know go from feeling ordinary to extraordinary if you’re feeling brave. Cast a spell and see what magic you manifest.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Hop off the stoop and hit your favorite bar to do something you might regret in the morning. Doesn’t sound too promising right now does it? Have a few drinks then reread this sentence and let me know if you’re feeling a little different. Hint: You will.