Wandering aimlessly on my unforeseen destined path
I just wish it made more sense
The haze and the light leave me wondering
Am I rising from a grave or traveling through a tunnel
Sleepless nights from my daydreams
Living nightmares if I don’t achieve
I’ve yet to see my promised land
Yet, I’ve asked many to follow me

See I just want to be better
The evolved butterfly
The softest sunrise
A Thunderstorms Rainbow
Elite and Imperial

The value of my life’s coals are priceless
Though you may only realize after hard times
I may crack under the pressure
But in the end I’ll shine

Better is more than a state of mind
It’s an ecstasy
A reoccurring climax
A spiritual soul feed

Let us feast on future fruit
Cause now very little is sweet
We harvest seed with passion
So better family sow can be reaped

Yesterday, A friend posted that they unfortunately been laid off from their job. I reached out, but really had nothing to say outside of the standard cliche encouraging phrases that we all hear or use at a time like this. It sucks personally because I would love to be the person that sees a post like that and can then provide an opportunity for a friend instantly so they wouldn’t have to worry about the loss of their previous job. Then you don’t want to tell a friend. Be ratchet, be a T.H.O.T, get naked for the Snap or the Gram or just do some dumb ish and you’ll be straight. That sounds like terrible advice, but it’s actually the best way to grab fame and find your next career opportunity, no matter what field it is. Billion dollar companies are cutting checks to any spectacle in sight all for the purpose of having eyes on their brand. Fame has become a great leverage component. Possibly more than ever before if you want to do your own thing.

It’s seems like now more than ever the world is aware of the two aspects of the workforce. You either work for somebody or you’re working for yourself. And although I’m sure their are exceptions to the rule it seems that the “Great secure job” no longer exist. What is a great secure job?

Great Secure Job Checklist

Compensation that allows you to live comfortably

Inexpensive insurance that covers basic needs

Growth and Opportunity from position

Respectable work-life balance

Great office and company culture/ethics

I unfortunately don’t know anyone that is working for someone that has all 5 of these things. In my own personal job search and experience, I’ve seen very little respect for work-life balance and no real growth and opportunity. If you love your job/career choice than the work life balance goes as an unnoticed need. However, everything else, you definitely need to keep longevity in your career.

I understand the Entrepreneur boom. Sure it’s the new trendy buzzword and lifestyle choice, but it also is the only true way out of the rat race. If you can’t find a job or keep a job you have to create a job. If you don’t have job security, you will need as many alternatives as possible. Every business takes money so that stalls a lot of progress, but not every job is definitely paying you enough to live in your place of choice. What is an American to do?

We are in a time where being popular can get you the paycheck that you were told talent or a degree would. Pride and dignity are thrown to the side everyday for a payday, but who do we truly blame for that? This is also why Gary Vee’s “find what you’re good at” message is so powerful. Anything you do in the world can make you money. You truly do just need to find out what the thing is and as Gary says, “Double or Triple down on that” to achieve success.

I write this as a person who is trying to get back to earning a paycheck in the broadcasting field, yet working to get my brand as a writer off of the ground. I wish I could think of something dumb, disrespectful or ratchet to do on social media so an opportunity could be handed to me and I can flip that fame into something profitable for my family. You think I haven’t thought of stooping to the lowest of lows and “Sloring myself out” just to get some followers and likes on my accounts for the greater good? Well I have. My pride and the women in my life that love me are the only reasons why I haven’t done it. I’m sure millions think like that too. Because flipping social media fame to career success is the new American way.

It’s Cold Outside…
These kids haven’t eaten all day
The mother’s trying her best
Cutting no corners to make a way
Holding together like the seam
Of her frayed and torn jean
Visioning the light to a world
Her heart has always seen…

It’s Cold Outside…
That man is homeless but not helpless
In fact he’s anything but selfish
Giving his last was truly that
Just understand he can never go back
It’s the pressures of wrong or right
Weighing in like the contender for the fight of his life
Seeing the prism of friends
And their cemetery conversations…

It’s Cold Outside…
Even when it’s 90 degrees
When it’s high noon and dry heat
Through the fog and humidity
Because of lack of humility
Loyalty and dignity

The voice of fallacy
The truth in reality
The sun setting on a last breath
The fight against the nights sleep
The misguided heart
The love of demise
The undetected joy or pain
When a tear floods the eye
See…It’s cold outside…

Today marks the official completion of my September discipline challenge. My goal was to lift weights for 10 days this month. I started September 4th and have officially finished September 19th.

What I can tell you off top is that I feel good! I feel accomplished. I am happy to say that I set my mind to do something and I did it. On the surface lifting weights for 10 days doesn’t seem too hard. But when you aren’t lifting at all and trying to change your lifestyle, it’s pretty major.

This isn’t just a one off challenge. It’s also not an attempt at a hobby. I wanted to use these days to develop a new part of my lifestyle. I want lifting weights and being in great shape to become apart of my fabric. Not that I want to be in competitions or be a personal trainer or anything like that. I just want to be a black man that is in excellent condition. That’s a great enough reason for me. I plan to be around a long time for my family and to see my other goals through. Can’t do that if your sluggish, flabby and sick.

If you are trying to start a transition to a healthier lifestyle, maybe what I did will work for you. Here was my mindset day 1 to day 10.

Don’t push too hard. Especially if you’re lifting alone

Create a fun and competitive pace for where you are not where you want to be

Start everyday with cardio to get a good sweat and loosing you up

You don’t need to spend hours working out. 30-45 minutes will get you right most days

Pick a different set of muscles everyday

Switch up a workout or two to add more excitement to the routine

Pick Music that keeps you motivated. I used a lot of violent rap music

This is what I used to push myself and keep me interested. There wasn’t one day I dreaded going to the gym. I had some sore days, like today, but I didn’t push so hard that I could barely move or wanted to skip days. I took a marathon approach. Yeah, I was salty I had to drop all the way down to 20 lbs for dumbbell curls, but today, I’m officially up to 3 sets with 30’s. My muscle memory is returning and I feel myself getting stronger and already seeing slight results. The small progress I seen the last 10 days has me wanting to go hard daily.

I’m too old to not have any muscle definition. I want this to become a habit. A lifestyle but not quite an addiction. I say that only because I don’t want to be overly obsessed with my appearance and doing anything to look perfect. Plus, I’m already addicted to success. That addiction applies to every portion of my life.

The valuable lesson I learned was, go at your own pace, compete with yourself and results are eminent. It takes work, sweat and pain to cause change. So how bad do you want to change?

I spent a good portion of today thinking big things. Clothes I can’t purchase. Cars I can’t afford. A life that seems unrealistic and man has that been fun for my mind!

I’m over being practical, realistic and keeping my mind within the realm of my “living means”. How will you ever get more if you never think about getting and having more? What is inspiring about not being able to escape your own reality and keeping yourself in the mediocre world that you should be trying to elevate out of?

Whether you call them dreams, goals, aspirations or a “To-Do List” make sure it is something that is larger than your current life. Anything we want in this world is attainable. If you feel it in your heart, think in your mind and it lifts your spirits positively. It is a real thing that you should work for. You should work for it to achieve it and feel accomplishment that you acquired it. Then set your sights and mind on something bigger.

Go and get more. Go and get it all. If you don’t, you’re going to live mundane and die. That sounds weak as hell.

Sometimes you just want a friend or to just reach out to someone. Many of us reach a point in time where life spirals out of control. At least it does in our minds. You’re not sure what to do, but you know you need to do something and fast. That’s why everyone has a vice of some sort in my eyes. Something that gets you buy. To me a vice could be positive or negative. Too much of anything can make you an addict so, it’s unfair to think of vices solely as something harmful to you and potentially harmful others. I have a healthy vice and it took a rough patch in life to realize what it truly was. I’m no smoker. I actually hate the taste of most alcohol. In fact, I hate the taste of vodka to this day because of my abuse of it during a very depressing period. Bad habit and vice to pick up. Talk about doing things that wasn’t me. I didn’t even drink on my 21st birthday. So for me to be drinking up to 4 times a week at 27-28 was the epitome of me not being me.

I used to think my vice was sex, masturbation etc because that is what definitely made me happy. It was also a great way for me to communicate my affection to women I cared about. I could always find someone available for that. That definitely caused some problems short and long term. I am happy to say that I’ve survived that period of time STD/Disease free. As you get older and you realize that sex becomes an emotional connection and a relationship based on physical chemistry. You have no choice but to dial back. You can’t carry yourself with the same reckless abandon that you did in your younger years, no matter how good it feels to you. Can you have emotionless sex? Yes. But you can’t have it for long periods of time. Especially not with one specific person. We’ll tall the “3 and Out Rule” one day and everything that means.

I used to write away the pain. It started early. I honestly don’t remember when, but it got more consistent in Jr High and High School. Time moved on I turned into rapper. It was never really a plan. Just something I fell into. For years people would say things like “I know you got a rap, Cam. As much as you listen to it, you got to have something.” I really didn’t though. I was just a writer and a fan.

I would give it a shot though. I would get pretty good too. I actually thought that would be a real career path for me. Then I hit “28 and up” and I began to feel “too old to rap” or feel I was being judge for the way I knew how to express myself. So I would sporadically dip in and out of writing for years but still feel no results. That’s what I get for caring about what other people think. If they really knew what writing was doing for me internally, they would never question the why. The mental, the spiritual and emotional releases that it helped. It was bigger than “trying to be a rapper” for me. It was a way of communicating in the best way I knew how. However, that is my fault. I should have kept writing. Even if it wasn’t songs. Just like I am now. I find myself able to get over things faster if I write them out. I tend to harbor feelings and emotions heavier with no outlet. It’s bad for my brain. I’m personally deeming myself to old to have that issue. Plus, my writing wasn’t designed for “everybody” it was for me. Nobody can “Out Me, Me”. I could have faded to the background and pen some thoughts and things and been good. Even me trying to build a personality with writing didn’t help. I used to have a “Captain’s Log”. Some of the content was good, but realistically that turned into me trying to be an “Entertainment Writer”. Trying to hone skills on a bunch of mess I really didn’t want to talk about. I think I ended up deleting that site. I had some good content on there though. Dang! I should have tried to go through that site before deleting it.

I’m not sure if I technically had a nervous breakdown, but I know that my mind wasn’t right without being about to write. Writing is my coping mechanism. I might have been able to close the door on some people the right way had I taken real time to write about them. I think some heartache and clarity about me being who I want to be would have came faster with writing. I also think I could help a lot of people like me. The dreamers with no resources. The people who love hard and practice that love unconditionally and are loyal to those loved ones. The ones who don’t understand their own hurt. The one’s who don’t realize who they hurt and why. All of it is something I feel I could heal with my ability to write.

In the very short time this site has been up, I’ve been having real conversations. People thank me for my honesty and transparency. Friends have told me how I’m speaking to them in a much more relatable way. There is real interest in my forthcoming books. People who have probably been friends and followers for years and have never interacted with me on social media are doing so right now.

I’m not a prisoner of the moment when I tell you, I’ve never done something this self-fulfilling in my life. Maybe because I’ve never gave this much of me in anything I’ve ever done. Maybe I just wasn’t mature enough to be me at this level publicly. Maybe I was too wrapped up in being the idea of something and not myself at my core. No matter the real reason, one thing is for sure. I’ll never not write again.