Valentine's Day SUCKS

Thanks to the ineptitude of the American educational system and the vacancy of the public at large, my hand has been forced to create a secondary page in accompaniment to my original Anti-Valentine's Day page. The preceding was created roughly ten years ago, and I have maintained it (more or less) over the past decade simply because such a wide variety of people visit it every year. I also continue to receive visitors all year long, and I've found no reason to edit the text in any way other than to remove dead links. Interestingly enough, I've been encouraged to write more lately.

The first comment I would like to make is congratulatory to all my guestbook entrants who recognized the anti-V Day page for its black humor. It remains the humor of a cynical 18 year old, and I rather like reading it over from time to time because it helps me realize that although some of my perceptions of life have changed, romance isn't one of them. It is my continued belief that 90% of all romantic relationships (excluding marriage) are unnecessary. If you remain friends with someone long enough it will become clear to you whether the potential for something far greater exists, or if the differences are enough to negate anything beyond a companionship. By keeping such an arm's length I feel my life has had far fewer heartbreaks, and I have not focused my attentions in places that resulted in fruitless ambition.

This does not mean that those who live their lives in such a fashion are unromantic and cold-hearted. On the contrary, I think once such a person finally meets that one singular person with whom they can devote their lives there will be a stronger tie between them. In the meantime, it is best to develop your character into the likeness of one your mother could be proud.

My second comment is directed at the visitors who completely missed the intent of the webpage. You all obviously have underdeveloped humor. Read some Mark Twain before coming back. I have received dozens of scathing emails over the years from very "loving" persons who very obviously want to protect their holiday from being subjected to such virulent criticism. How one can proclaim the beauty of passion while simultaneously calling forth the hidden ninth layer of hell to spew its wretched hordes upon mine head is something I'll never quite understand. What I also don't understand is how these people stumbled upon my page in the first place. It only comes up when you do a search for "Valentine's Day" when paired with some sort of [non-profane] derogatory adjective/adverb, and why anyone would be Googling those terms while they claim to have a tender endearment for the day is beyond me. So I encourage you to read the text an additional time, but with a sarcastic tone instead of the biting wit of Anna Nicole. SUGAR PIE!

Yet I wonder if I could call it a compliment, knowing that at the high school level my humor was sophisticated enough to dupe half the people who would read it.