Saturday, April 3, 2010

Question: My ex-girlfriend and I have been split for about a year. I have been paying child support since last June, and the judge back dated it to when my son was born. I get to see him whenever mom thinks she wants me to, and it's only for a couple of hours. I'm concerned that my son thinks I'm gone(dead) when he doesn't get to see me but every so often. I have a court date for visitation, but I'm trying to show the courts that "standard" visitation is not in the best interest of the child. I have read different articles that state there is a separation issue with children this young, and I want to be granted more time. Can you help me with any info that I might be able to present to the judge? Also, any information about children that don't have the same last name as there father might help also.

Answer: Dear Brian,

There are huge implications for separating from the mother for long periods of time when a child is young. Your child does need you as well. However, he needs you for an hour or two at a time as often as possible. What he does not need is to be away from his mom overnight as he is not even 2.

While it is sometimes necessary to work things out in the court, if you are mature enough you should be able to work this out with the mother. Try offering to take him to watch him when she needs a break. The more you are in her corner the better for you and your child.

As far as your last names....it doesn't matter...what the child needs is love and attention. The more you pour on this child the better the child will do and so will you.

Keep your focus on what is good for the child and not on what you want. Children cannot get too much love and attention from adults.

I am glad you are paying your child support as this is good for your child and your relationship. Remember though acting like a responsible adult/parent doesn't entitle you to anything other than self respect.

I will be emphasizing articles on my blog about fathers and their relationships. Check out my youtube channel and click on fathers. You will find some interesting information. Get involved online with other father (the healthy ones, not the mad as hell at the ex and society ones) and you will find that life and your relationship with your child will just get better and better!

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This website and its contents are copyrighted and intended for educational purposes only. Research published on this site conducted at Florida State University is protected by copy right in the year in which it was presented. The information, research, experiences, and links contained herein have not been compiled by a physician and should not be considered as medical advice. Opinions expressed in the reference books and links may not in all cases reflect the beliefs of Mary Kay Keller.