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Has anyone written anything about how to square the brutal, colonial history of the world with urban fantasy or Harry Potter type magic? Alternatively, has anyone written urban fantasy/alternative history where magic actually made a difference in terms of colonialism and Europe's power in the world?posted by Hactar to Ask MetaFilter on May 21 at 8:34 PM 25 users marked this as a favorite

As a kid of the 90s, I used to love browsing FTP archives for old DOS/shareware games and programs. There's a sense of discovery I get in being able to poke through curated, or at least categorized, items in search of new shiny things.posted by Alensin to Ask MetaFilter on May 22 at 4:53 PM 25 users marked this as a favorite

I'm a software developer with 15+ years of experience, but I've been working exclusively on the middle tier and back end for the last 7 years. I'd like to get a kickstart of knowledge on best practices for front end/UI development so I can enhance my full-stack skills.posted by matildaben to Ask MetaFilter on May 23 at 8:42 AM 25 users marked this as a favorite

I'm a woman in my late 20s. My entire life, I've never made it onto men's radars as a romantic option unless I've assertively positioned myself there. Even in online dating where women are supposedly flooded with male attention and interest, I sent out more messages than I received, and most of them went unanswered. What's wrong with me? Am I simply too ugly? Not womanly or desirable enough?posted by Penny Dreadful to Ask MetaFilter on May 20 at 1:52 PM 23 users marked this as a favorite

I really appreciated The Big Short, both the book and the movie, and I realize I have no idea how banking actually works beyond a Miracle on 34th Street level. I want to learn, but I don't need a degree or a job in finance, I'm just curious how it actually works. Where do I start?posted by gofargogo to Ask MetaFilter on May 22 at 9:05 PM 19 users marked this as a favorite

When faced with the imminent, matter-of-weeks death of a loved one, who is sound of mind even as their body inexorably is giving out, how do you cope? I am not just looking for tips and strategies and reading recommendations, but also for personal stories of loss where you anticipated the death, particularly when you loved the person who is dying but found them very hard to spend time with, and how you, individual Mefite, prepared yourself for it/made peace with it.posted by Armed Only With Hubris to Ask MetaFilter on May 17 at 11:49 AM 17 users marked this as a favorite

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oh, by the way:
if your situation is similar to mine, where you're basically off-putting to men because you project seriousness, intellectual heft, and no interest in ego-stroking...
it winds up being an -enormous- gift in the long run. In my case, guys who weren't interested in funny or talky or forceful women always ran the other way, and I... [more]posted by fingersandtoes to Ask MetaFilter on May 20 at 3:10 PM 98 users marked this as a favorite

What do normal emotionally mature people do in this situation?
Apologies for the bluntness, but tell her she has to go to counseling or you're filing for a divorce and full custody. Document the abuse and ideally videotape it. Your wife is abusive. Your kids only have the two of you. You need to put an end to this. So she either gets... [more]posted by yes I said yes I will Yes to Ask MetaFilter on May 21 at 4:58 AM 88 users marked this as a favorite

While it doesn’t excuse the abusive behavior, my first thought was that your wife sounds exhausted. You say she’s a part time stay at home mom, are you an equal caretaker for the kids the rest of the time? It sounds like she’s doing a lot of the activities, caretaking, etc for the kids on top of what I assume is a regular part time job. I remember... [more]posted by buttonedup to Ask MetaFilter on May 21 at 5:24 AM 67 users marked this as a favorite

Others have pointed out that casinos aren't honest themselves, but I want to add something:
Spending time in any casino is a money-losing proposition for almost everybody, and some people will destroy their lives there, but most people get something out of the experience they think is worth it.
I think you're reaching here and that... [more]posted by Kutsuwamushi to Ask MetaFilter on May 18 at 7:51 AM 62 users marked this as a favorite

A very good friend of mine is gently re-approaching dating several years after a very painful breakup and ... let me say that she has a lot of life; she's lit up inside. She's smart, she's funny, she writes, she does counseling. And she gives no shits. Men often find her intimidating. They even say so: "I find you intimidating. You're smarter... [more]posted by seanmpuckett to Ask MetaFilter on May 20 at 4:51 PM 62 users marked this as a favorite

They take on at least half of the care of their children and if they are not with the children as much as their spouse is they do more than half when they are at home. They back up their spouse verbally when she is maintaining discipline and standards with the children. They model, if they can, gentle but firm parenting. They do some research about... [more]posted by glasseyes to Ask MetaFilter on May 21 at 5:04 AM 53 users marked this as a favorite

None of this is okay and she can’t be allowed to treat the children that way. You need to intervene.
However: is she the sole caretaker? Watching the kids 24 hours a day (and working?) is brutal and, for some people, wholly unsustainable. It can exacerbate anger issues and depression and frustration. As well as therapy (now!) I would seriously... [more]posted by lydhre to Ask MetaFilter on May 21 at 5:05 AM 52 users marked this as a favorite

What do normal emotionally mature people do in this situation.
They do whatever it takes to get their kids out of a situation where a parent is yelling at them, berating them, throwing stuff at them and telling them that parental love is conditional on developmentally-inappropriate expectations of behavioural compliance. This is the... [more]posted by terretu to Ask MetaFilter on May 21 at 4:59 AM 49 users marked this as a favorite

Also...kids around age 14 (mine just turned 15) don't have a ton of conversational or letter-writing skills. And their priorities in life are different than an adult's. When he tells you that he wants an XBox and he's going to have to work for it, he's actually telling you one of the main things going on in his life. If he's anything like my son,... [more]posted by BlahLaLa to Ask MetaFilter on May 20 at 10:37 AM 44 users marked this as a favorite

I seriously doubt this has anything to do with ugliness. I really really doubt it.
The green has done some pretty helpful (I think) critiques of online dating profiles if you want to see what the folks here have to suggest.
In my experience what you are describing is not unusual especially if you are a cerebral person. [Edit: I am a very... [more]posted by fingersandtoes to Ask MetaFilter on May 20 at 2:19 PM 42 users marked this as a favorite

As a fourteen years old who went on Prozac, I can't recommend it.
As a parent who had to make the difficult decision to put their child on an antidepressant which literally saved their life, I cannot overstate enough that you talk to a psychiatrist about this and not use personal anecdotes in making a decision about medication. A good... [more]posted by yes I said yes I will Yes to Ask MetaFilter on May 23 at 5:50 AM 36 users marked this as a favorite

Your experience sounds familiar to me - in college I lamented about this to a friend and she was honestly confused by me and said it's not that guys don't like me, it's that I don't like the guys. Her observation of me was that I gave off clear signals that I wasn't really into somebody. A lot. This was kind of news to me. But I realized she... [more]posted by Tandem Affinity to Ask MetaFilter on May 20 at 6:41 PM 35 users marked this as a favorite

The reason you are not harassed is that those men who enjoy humiliating women avoid strong women
jesus christ.
the actual reason you're not harassed is because you've been lucky, so far. men also say awful things to strange women they think are ugly, not just women they think are pretty. some men like to victimize the frightened;... [more]posted by queenofbithynia to Ask MetaFilter on May 20 at 11:30 PM 35 users marked this as a favorite

First of all, my heart goes out to all of you. This is a hard situation and I can tell you from experience that you are not alone.
1.) Your wife needs breaks. You need to take the kids when you are home, and you need to find a good sitter and set up a system whereby he or she takes the kids for three hours a day, three times a week, or... [more]posted by TryTheTilapia to Ask MetaFilter on May 21 at 6:41 AM 35 users marked this as a favorite

I would not send an email. Whatever you put in writing can come off much differently than you intend, particularly when emotions are high, and you won't be there when she reads it to mitigate her response or offer any additional explanation.
Go over and talk to her in person. Tell her the dogs are such a problem that it's affecting your sleep... [more]posted by something something to Ask MetaFilter on May 18 at 8:22 AM 32 users marked this as a favorite

She takes the kids to enrichment activities 4-5 times a week and does part time work? Honestly she sounds exhausted, and exhausted people at their wit’s end say horrible things. That doesn’t make it okay, but if 99% of her parenting is truly good and these things are exceptions, it means it’s not necessarily part of her character and can be... [more]posted by corb to Ask MetaFilter on May 21 at 5:56 AM 32 users marked this as a favorite

However you convey the message, she should know that abusive behavior is abusive behavior regardless of where the people are from and what the cultural background is.
I couldn't agree more with driedmango. I grew up with a mother very much like your wife and have PTSD to show for it. My mother was also an immigrant and the times that... [more]posted by camyram to Ask MetaFilter on May 21 at 6:50 AM 32 users marked this as a favorite

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