2011: The year of chores

Kids’ chores are such a paradox, at least for me. I mean, it seems like it would lessen my workload — but really, it increases it. You know? Having to delegate, remember, remind, supervise. In most ways, it’s just easier to do it myself.

Which, I suppose, is why I’ve failed so abysmally at having my children do chores.

It’s not that I haven’t tried. Every now and then, I’ll start a chore system – a simple one. Everyone has one task to do after dinner, whether it’s clear the table, help load the dishwasher, sweep, whatever. I’ll tack up a rotating chart and we thrive for about 3 weeks, busy as little Snow Whites.

And then the novelty wears off, for all of us. I have to start reminding. And by that, of course, I mean nagging. And then we miss a day, or three, or ten. Eventually, the chart falls down from the wall, and no one picks it up, and I finally notice it crumpled up in the corner, covered with dusty footprints. And I throw it away, and that’s it.

We’ve even fallen off of the bed-making wagon. The girls haven’t made their bed for weeks now, and let’s face it – it’s kinda’ hard to enforce this rule when Dan and I don’t make our own bed.

It’s really important for kids to do chores, I know. I don’t want them to end up in college with roommates who hate them because they leave their dirty laundry all over the floor.

It’s more than just that, though. Chores help kids learn responsibility, teamwork, and the importance of pulling your weight and being part of the family in more than just a receiving type of way.

And I know that as a parent, it’s my job to get going on this. This is one of those things where, if they grow up without these skills, it really will be my fault.

So that’s my resolution for 2011. But this time, I’m not going to make up my own chore chart. I’m going to order one, professionally made by an expert who knows what she is doing. Because I sure don’t. I am so domestically challenged myself, that having my kids do chores is kind of like teaching them to fly through outer space.

Also, this time, I’m going to anticipate failing. That way, it won’t feel like such a, well, failure when we do fail.

And I’m going to make a plan that when we fail, we’ll start again.

Ah. I just love New Year’s resolutions – the energy, the forgiveness of fresh starts.

Anyone else struggle with chores? Anyone have advice for the clueless (i.e., me)?

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Where are you going to order that chart from? I would totally want one too! I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old and usually our house is a mess but this year I resolve to keep up on it. Although you couldn’t tell and we’re only day two of 2011. Haha But I’d like to start doing chores with them so the chart is an excellent idea. Oh another thing you could do is maybe do an incentive as well. Say if they do all their chores for a week, then they get something special or you will take them somewhere special. Maybe it could even be a game night or staying up late one night over the weekend. Something very simple. 🙂 But let me know where you get the chart from! Thanks!

I’m the same, Evonne – and this is a resolution of mine this year, too. I talk a lot about my 4-year-old helping with chores, but in the end who makes the bed, picks up the toys, clears the table? Me. It just seems easier. But I know I have to really get her pitching in. Good luck!

Engineermom

Just a suggestion, but flylady.net is what I’ve been using (off and on, admittedly – resolution is to make it more on than off!). It has chore lists for the adults, and then separate ones for the kids – a lead by example approach. I’ve been trying very hard to change my own habits and harness my 2-year-old’s enthusiasm for cleanliness (I know it won’t last if I don’t catch it early!), and flylady seems to help – baby steps!

Sara

I can’t even get my 3 year old to pick up her toys before she goes to bed, so I end up coming downstairs to a living room disaster area and either leaving it (hey, she’s just gonna drag everything out tomorrow anyway) or cleaning it up. It really is easier than begging/nagging/bribing her to do it. I’ve done a lot of things right from the beginning, but cleaning up at the end of the day is one MAJOR thing I regret not enforcing from the time she was little. Now it is SO difficult to start!

Jessica Keating

I am a meanie, and I hate clutter, so my 2 year old has chores. They are simple and age appropriate. She feeds and waters our two cats, helps me empty the dishwasher, and picks up her toys. She is also helpful with picking up anything that I deem trash and placing it in the trashcan and helping transfer clothes to the dryer when I do laundry. She likes to help, I heap on praise, and I had an effective confiscation tactic for getting her to pick up her toys. Whatever she refused to pick up at the end of the day before bath time got taken away for a week. I would ask her once to pick it up, if she refused or ignored me I announced it was being put up, and placed it somewhere that she could see but not reach. Any time she would ask for it during that week I would tell her no and explain why she lost it. It only took a few days of losing nearly all her toys before she got the hint. Now we have random lapses, but largely everything is voluntarily picked up when I announce it is bed time.

Rose

I just left a message for our cleaning lady, but that’s for me and my grown up stuff and rooms. As for my two-year old, well I definitely have to nag — ie my husband calls it having infinite patience — to get him to clean up his playroom. Sometimes just picking up his flash cards takes about 30 mins. But I think of that time as an investment in his future. It will be better for him in the long term, at least until he can make his own money and hire help.

mic

How about having your children create their own chore charts?
Ownership is a beautiful thing.

And you can make yourself a banner “its an investment” – that helps us when we want to take the easy/fast way out at chore time (’cause i truely hate listening to the whinging, and waiting for the slllllllllllow completion…)

Good luck.

Jackie

I have 4 kids (soon to be 5) ages 11, 7, 5, and 2 and they all have a chore chart and daily responsibilities. I made my charts from a website. http://www.goalforit.com. It has interactive things as well as customizable backgrounds and chores lists. Once you make the charts they are printable too. It has goals, chores, and behavior charts that are all able to be made to fit each kids age, ability and behavior they need to work on. I let my kids each pick their own stickers to decorate their charts once we printed them out. They can also pick their favorite background on the site (they have many options).

Heather

We don’t have a chore chart because like you said, it ends up being too much work for me! Between making the thing, enforcing it, adding stickers, “MOM! We ate out on Tuesday so I didn’t get to clear my spot at the table, however will the world keep spinning”…AHH! Who needs all of that?! That being said, my kids to have responsibilities and definitely do help out around the house, it’s just a bit more relaxed. My daughter is 7. She is responsible for keeping her own spaces clean, so her room and her play room. She normally sets the table, but not always. She clears her own place at the table after dinner, takes care of her own laundry (gets the dirty stuff in the hamper, puts the clean stuff away), helps take care of clean dishes, then does other random jobs as asked. My son is not quite 2, so his are a bit more limited, but he does put his dirty clothes in the hamper and pick up his own toys, then occasionally he does other age appropriate jobs if something happens to come up. I think they are learning just fine to be responsible and productive and to do their parts as part of the family and members of the household, but I don’t get the headaches that go with the chore chart!

Jen2

My parents started teaching us to do chores when we were big enough to start helping put our own toys away. My son is 2.5, and you bet he helps me pick up toys every night. When we turned 5 and started school, the new rule was we had to make our beds and dress ourselves before we could have breakfast. And if we didn’t, we’d go to school hungry in our pjs, and we’d still have to make our bed when we came home. My parents were really good and following through on the consequences they set. I think that’s really where their success came from – they tried charts a few times to make things more interesting, but they never stopped reminding and requiring us to help out, and we knew the consequences they set for failing to do our share would be upheld.

Debbie Margulies

We use Mellisa & Doug’s chore board. My son loaves it. He has had it for a few years. He is turning 9. He forgets about it every once and awhile but it allows him to have 7 – 8 chores at a time and he can switch them out. He is such a good helper when he gets in the groove and is using his chore board. He gets really upset if we do his chore for him. It is great!

First off, let me start by saying my mom was one of the ones who always just did everything herself because it was faster. I eventually figured out that if I ignored her nagging me to clean my own room long enough, she’d do it herself. Boy, was I surprised when I was in the real world and there was no “Cleaning Fairy” to pick up after me! It’s been a real struggle for me to even remotely stay organized and on top of things, partly because I didn’t have to do it when I was younger.

Now on the flip side, my best friend growing up was a virtual Cinderella. When her mother passed away, she went to live with her aunt, uncle, and four cousins. She was the youngest, but it seemed like she had to do EVERYTHING. (If my mom only knew how many times I helped my friend do their dishes so she could come play sooner, she’d have skinned me for not helping out more at our house!) She got so burned out on cleaning at such a young age, that she’s just as bad, if not worse than me now. She grew to resent it, and she has a hard time keeping her own home clean today.

I think the best solution is somewhere in the middle. I have a five and six year old, and part of our NY resolutions were to work harder to keep our house clean. Everyone likes our new system, but like this article points out, it may just be a matter of time before the novelty wears off.

Their chore charts are broken into categories: My Room, Me, School, and Helping. Three checks in a category equals a star, and stars are traded in for “Wii tickets”. We got a Wii for Christmas, and in an effort to get them off of it and helping out more, we are trying to reinforce the idea of “it’s not a RIGHT, it’s a PRIVILEDGE you EARN.” Didn’t feel like doing anything on your list? Okay, but no Wii time. The tickets are tangible, and have nixed the whining about wanting to play. “Do you have any tickets? No? Let’s look at your list and see what you can do to earn some.”

The ME category is pretty much a gimmee, but I reserve the right to take a star away if they’re behavior is exceptionally awful that day. Tasks: Brush teeth, brush hair, wash face. Stuff they have to do anyway, but it keeps them from forgetting or me nagging about it.

MY ROOM: I’ll admit, I started to go the way of my mother and not let them be responsible for their room. This kind of reinforces the “maintaining a clean room is a lot easier than a whole weekend of digging out of a trashed room that piles up all week.” Tasks: Pick up trash, pick up clothes, pick up toys. Object is to have their floors picked up before they go to bed.

SCHOOL: One is in kindergarten and one is in Pre-K, so this helps set up a routine so we’re not running crazy in the morning. Tasks: Good Day (if they stayed on a “good color” at school, aka., didn’t get in trouble), Homework (my six y/o has small assignments about three days a week, and I will do a quick worksheet with my five y/o I get online about anything they are learning that week, letter, color, number, whatever. takes about 5 minutes), and finally, Ready For Tomorrow (clothes picked out so no fight in the morning; shoes, coat, and backpack by the door, ready to go). This has made my mornings go so much smooother!

HELPING: I give multiple choices for this category, but they only need 3 for a star. Just things they can help me out with in the house, like laundry, dishes, vacuuming, clearing the table, picking up trash, feed & water dogs, wiping counters, windows, and TVs.

If the kids get a star in all four categories in one day (which hasn’t happened YET, but they’re getting close!), I think I may let them choose a bonus coupon, like: make favorite dessert, choose what we eat for one meal the next week, trip to the park, pick a movie, etc.

And I’m crossing my fingers that this will get us working together to keep our house organized on a daily basis, freeing up our weekends to have FUN FAMILY TIME! 🙂

Dawn

Jessica:

I LOVE your system! I’m putting that into play starting tonight! My daughter has Asperger’s, and it’s nearly impossible to get her to do anything unless she wants to. This might just do the trick!