A new book says parents have limited influence on a child’s personality and learning, which means we can all relax a little and stop worrying about whether we’re using the correct baby sign language for ‘beans’.

That’s the strong belief of US neuroscientist Dr Sam Wang, who recently co-authored a book called Welcome To Your Child’s Brain (Oneworld Publications).

“[Children's brains] start with their own predispositions, they seek their own experiences, and they develop their own preferences,” Dr Wang says. “Which is actually a good thing because it makes them remarkably resilient.”

Here are some of Dr Wang’s fascinating findings.

Forget TV and DVDs before their second birthday

Dr Wang is adamant babies should not watch TV or DVDs before the age of two. “At this age, television slows language acquisition. Children’s brains are social learners, and TV is a passive experience,” he says. “A far better experience is anything involving a live person.”

Nearly there but not yet

While the teen brain may have reached 95 percent of adult volume, parents can’t expect their teens to be making adult decisions. “The brain develops from back to front, and the front-most parts include areas important for impulse control and planning ahead, areas in which adolescents are notably not quite there,” Dr Wang says.

Fight or flight more developed than complex problem-solving

A kid’s brain is optimised for rapid solutions to everyday problems – less suited to solving a maths problem than deciding whether to punch a kid who insults them, Dr Wang says. “It’s not surprising some children have trouble with reading, or with staying still for hour-long classes.”

Performance is key

Forget the brain-building power of music – which is “modest” at best, Dr Wang says. “Drama classes build the ability to imagine what another person is thinking,” he says, “so they can help grow brain capacities for understanding other people.”