The National Enquirer is claiming that Alex Rodriguez and Cameron Diaz are giving marriage a "trial run" and she just moved into his New York apartment. Jesus, if I woke up after a long night of drinking and that thing was sleeping next to me, I'd probably call the police. From the tabloid:

"[Alex] said things are going so well that they needed to take the next step in their relationship. With Cam, he feels he's found the best of both worlds - an independent career woman who's also drop-dead gorgeous."

Wait, what? Drop-dead gorgeous? Am I trapped in some kind of parallel universe where up is down and left is right?

"Alex loves that Cam doesn't feel a need to make a spectacle of their love affair," the source said. "By not pressuring him, Cameron won him over." During the July visit, Cameron began moving clothes and furniture from storage into A-Rod's Upper West Side condo, the source said. When he travels to Los Angeles, A-Rod reportedly stays at Cameron's newly purchased $10 million, six-bedroom mansion in Beverly Hills. "For now, Cam and Alex intend to be bi-coastal," said the source. "She's been telling friends as long as their new arrangement doesn't hit any bumps, they hope to be married this time next year."

What the hell is A-Rod doing? Regardless of what you think of the guy (that he's a steroid-using, egotistical, cheating scumbag), as a superstar athlete, he's in a position to bang as many hot groupies as he wants. So why settle for a 38-year-old washed-up actress who looks like she just stepped off the pages of a Stephen King novel? Either Cameron doesn't have a gag reflex or she does have the one thing A-Rod's looking for in a mate: testicles.