Not Horny?

When I was in middle school all I could think about was sex... not so much now. In fact, it's rare that I get really excited about anything, and I feel really jaded. I still get hard but there's no real 'craving' or 'strong desire' that other people seem to have. I miss that strong desire.. gave life a little more purpose. What the hell happened?

Gold Member

To offer advice, we need to know a little more background. How old are you, how long have you been having sex, how often do you have sex with your current partner will help.

I am only second-guessing, but I am in a strong sexual relationship where we have sex four times a week, and I only rarely get a really strong desire to have sex, not surprisingly. But that is to be expected, given the frequency and quality of my current sex life, as well as my natural ageing process. But we still have regular good sex, I enjoy it immensely, and I am much better at sex now than when I was younger.

At another point in my life, I had a low-level illness for several years which hurt my natural sex drive. But we still had regular sex, because it is an extension of the love I feel for my wife.

Beyond these two suggestions, without more information, I cannot help.

I'm 20. A few girls tried to get me to sleep with them but it didn't feel right. Lack of emotional foreplay I suppose (only knew them for a few weeks or so). I held on to values and convinced myself it wasn't important. I haven't been with anyone, so i'm a virgin, but recently I found someone who i'm willing to be with. We haven't done anything yet other than some intense foreplay (emotional and physical). I wanted to make my first time memorable and her first time with me memorable as well. So then I came here in search of knowledge. Trouble is... I have a really hard time getting excited. And I don't want to ask her to do anything out of her comfort zone because of a dark past. I thought because of all the foreplay and the newness of it all I would be really excited and nervous. But im not and it makes me feel broken.

Gold Member

Okay, that makes more sense, you have certain moral values and your mabe some guilt is masking your desire to have sex with the girl you have met. You are also nervous about what to do, masking your desire even further.

Trust me, sex is nothing to feel guilty about, it is good clean pleasurable fun and couples have been doing it forever. Sex can be casual like in someone you've just met, it can be intimate with your ultimate soulmate you want to marry and have children with, or it can be as you planned as a special treat with a special person. Just look at it like that, a special something with a special girl.

As to technique, everyone remembers their first time, but rarely is it the best time. For men, it is easier, if we relax and don't get too excited at the moment. If your girl is a virgin, sometimes women can be tense because of anticipated pain of losing their virginity. The best thing you can do is be natural, enjoy the moment with your partner, spend a lot of time kissing and cuddling, because being naked and kissing and cuddling and feeling skin against skin is the best part (honestly!). When she's relaxed on the outside, slip your index finger inside and relax her on the inside, and maybe try to push the hymen away if she is a virgin. When you feel her wet and ready for you, do it.

Don't overdo your first time, special techniques like using oral to get her to orgasm and so on can come later once you've mastered the basics. After all, Rome isn't built in a day, and you can trust me that women do enjoy being kissed and cuddled and then feeling their special man inside them them. No they don't enjoy it, they love it! And the oral techniques and g-spot massages and so on that you may read on this forum and elsewhere can come after a few sessions of lovemaking when you're feeling relaxed and confident.

As long as you don't put too much of a burden of expectation on yourself, I am sure as the time gets closer you will be much more desirous of what is to come.

So.. when we finally did something I could get hard (not fully) but I didn't come anywhere close to ejaculation. I dont know if its because she doesnt know what shes doing or if its because of me. I just don't get that excited about it. To me it wasn't like "oh my god its happening" - which was always how I thought i'd react. Maybe I put too high an expectation on it? People seem to want it so bad but it seems a little... overrated.

Before I could masturbate and go after awhile. But lately I just don't get that turned on. I just feel really detached about it. I really dont know... something's wrong with me.

Gold Member

When I had my first time, I wondered 'so what's all the fuss about?' It was nice and I was quite competent and I wanted to do it again, but really it is just a part of life and growing up.

Certainly it gets better, with experience you aren't so nervous so you concentrate your thoughts on your own arousal and feelings and absorbing the arousal of your partner. Learning to connect to your partner during sex is HOT, and makes it very special. You are also able to experiment and share more mutual pleasuring. In other words, you have to start somewhere, but it DOES get better with practice, experience and confidence.

And at my age, we go on and on about sex, because it is great, it really is. It wasn't anywhere near as great at twenty, but by thirty it was fantastic!