1. Decision

I was in an old barn somewhere in Chile. It was abandoned so nobody would find me. It had been exactly six months since I left Forks and the love of my life. Why was I being so stupid?

It was another one of those times when I couldn’t be around my family, I was useless. Whenever I was hunting the vile creature that was Victoria, I was useless. This was the stupidest thing I had ever done. Why did I leave?

To make her safe. I had to keep telling myself that, or I would give into the temptation. The temptation to go back to Forks, and her. Sometimes I didn’t think her name. It made the pain so much worse. Sometimes it crept into my head and the thoughts were crippling. The memory of her scent, the color of her cheeks when she got embarrassed, and the warmth of her touch. It hurt so much to think about it.

So why was I putting myself in so much pain. Why didn’t I just say ‘The hell with it’ and go back and beg for her forgiveness? But every time I thought about this, another thought occurred to me. What if she didn’t want me anymore? What if she had moved on?

I pressed my fingers to my temples and tried to push that thought out of my head. That thought occurred often and was the one that kept me from her.

I had been back and forth between two decisions; stay away from her or give up and go back to her. This decision was the hardest decision of my life. On the one hand, I wanted her to be safe, but on the other I could not be apart from her. I craved her company.

She was my first and only love—the word girlfriend was not adequate enough to describe what she meant to me—and she felt the same about me. She made my life brilliant. Whenever I was with her, I felt whole, like I had found my missing half. Whenever I was away, even for a short amount of time, I was anxious and sometimes in physical pain. I was in pain right now, but that could be fixed so easily. And it would be fixed. I was not going to sit here and wallow anymore. I was going back.

At that exact second, my phone rang. I knew who it would be, and when I looked at Caller ID, my suspicions were confirmed.

Alice.

“Hi, Alice,” I said, knowing what this was about.

“You’re going back!” she said. Not a question, a statement. She was jubilant. She always knew that I wasn’t strong enough to stay away from Bella.

“Damn it, Alice, I just made up my mind and you already know! No one can keep anything from you,” I growled.

“I could say the same thing about you. I’m just so excited! I have been waiting forever to be able to see Bella again. I always knew you would go back, even without a vision,” she explained.

“Alice, how can you be so sure that she even wants me anymore?” I said, a little frustrated, “Never mind, don’t answer that.”

“Why are we still talking? You have to get back before she decides to do something really stupid! You know what a trouble magnet she is,” Alice said, still ecstatic.

“Just promise me one thing, don’t tell anyone that I am going back to Forks. I want to do it myself.”

“Oh, Edward! You take all my fun away. How do you expect me to keep this bottled up?” she complained.

“Please Alice, let me tell them. It is my decision after all. If I don’t call by tomorrow night, then you can tell them,” I said.

“Okay, I guess. Just hurry up and get to Forks, I can’t bear to see you unhappy anymore,” she pleaded.

“Fine, I’ll talk to you later.”

“’Bye Edward, and good luck!”

“’Bye Alice,” I said, and then I snapped my phone shut.

I called the airline and got a flight for 8:00 p.m.5:00 p.m., only three more hours until I was on the plane and on my way to see Bella again. that night. It was

Since I was going back, I could think her name, and it made me happy instead of putting me in pain.

For three hours I tried to think of how I was going to explain my behavior to Bella. There was no way to explain how foolish I was to leave her. There was no apology great enough to make up for what I had done. I knew that I had put her in an immense amount of pain. No amount of ‘I’m sorry’ would make up for what I had done. I tried not to think about this now. I had a whole plane ride to think over what to say, and how to get her trust back.

I glanced at my watch. 7:00 p.m. I decided to head to the airport. As I ran through the woods, it brought back a sense of déja vu. I remembered to first time that I had run with Bella. That first time that I had been able to be absolutely open to her. That day, was also the day I first kissed her. How I longed to be able to kiss her warm lips again. And soon, I would—I refused to think maybe because it just brought the pain that I struggled so hard to keep away. — I was only focusing on the positive right now.

I got to the airport ten minutes later, went through security, and got on the plane. Next to me, a girl of probably fifteen or sixteen was thinking about me.

He is really hot. Maybe I should ask him his name. Her thoughts were the usual.

Most people were too shy to talk to me, but she got up a little courage.

“Hi, I’m Lisa. What’s your name?” she asked.

“My name’s Edward,” I responded without looking at her. I wasn’t in the mood for conversation.

I love that name! she thought. “So where are you going?” she continued.

“I’m going to Washington to see my girlfriend,” I said, hoping that would deter her from talking to me. I had a lot to think about.

“Oh,” she said disappointed. Of course he has a girlfriend. Look at him, he’s gorgeous! I’m so stupid.

After that, she stopped talking to me, and I shut my eyes to think. I thought about what I would say to Bella. I thought about what my family would say.

They would be happy for me, with one exception. Rosalie was impossible. She never believed that I really loved Bella as much as I said. She never thought that anyone’s relationship could be like hers and Emmett’s. No matter how many times I tried to tell her that I loved Bella, she never believed me. When I left Forks, it made her even more confident that she was right. I was about to prove her wrong.

Finally, the plane landed, and I had to run to get my connection. I was getting anxious. I was only five hours away from seeing Bella’s beautiful face, hearing her voice, feeling the warmth of her touch.

I felt the corners of my mouth turn up into a smile. I hadn’t smiled since the day of Bella’s birthday.

When I thought of that day, my smile turned into a grimace. I tried not to think of that night. That night, my worst fears were realized, that I would be the one to hurt Bella. That was my springboard. When that happened, I did what I never thought I would be strong enough to do, I left.

Now I was going back, and I would do whatever it took to get Bella back. For the rest of the flight, I closed my eyes and pictured Bella’s beautiful face.