My Life in a few words or less…

Advice for My Pregnant Friends

Of my close friends, I was one of the last to get married. Funny enough I was actually the first to have a kid. Not sure if I mentioned this before, but Big Mac was a bit of a surprise. Yes, I was off the pill, but we were using methods to actively prevent getting pregnant. We found out that it’s true what they say (not sure who they are or if they actually say this), that for some people it only takes that ‘one time’. For us it was the one time we didn’t actively try to prevent, not on purpose, just got lost in the moment. (Sorry mom, maybe TMI) Now that some of my friends are on the road I have travelled, I find myself reflecting on being pregnant and I feel the need to share some advice.

I made no secret of how much I was not a fan of being pregnant. Those that know me have been privy to my hip cracking – dancing when I was in my ‘youth’ did nothing to help my hip situation, they get tight and I need to crack them to feel that sweet release. When you’re pregnant your body starts to shift to accomodate the baby inside you and prepare you for pushing it out, which means that your hips start to open more. I was not a fan of this. So, my first piece of advice would be

1) Find a comfy sitting position, and use props if necessary! For example, small pillows, those ring pillows some people use for hemorrhoids, elevate your feet, find cushior chairs, shift around, get up and walk around (if you work from a seated position), stretch a lot. Basically be one of those really annoying people who don’t sit still.

When you’re pregnant (and now with a baby) people, i.e. strangers, use this as an open door to strike up a conversation. These people wouldn’t regularly talk to you or inquire about your health, but all of a sudden, the presence of a giant belly (or a baby) seems to give them a sudden interest in your life. If you’re like me, and maybe you’re not and enjoy chatting up randoms, you like to get in and get out. I am not a fan of grocery shopping, and these inquests in to my life just prolonged the amount of time I was at the grocery store, thereby prolonging my torture. Leading to my next piece of advice

2) Wear sunglass all the time (yes it is a pretty a-hole thing to do, especially indoors) and avoid eye contact like the plague. This will help deter strangers from talking to you. I was in the store once, looking over the selection of bananas, and I look up and this woman is smiling at me. I did one of those turn around and make the ‘who me?’ face, and yes, she was smiling at me. “How far along are you?” she asks. I really wanted to reply “Well, I have narrowed my selection of banana bunches down to two, so that is how far along I am in making this decision”. I did not, but I replied with ‘X # weeks’ grabbed my bananas and left. I realize that this sort of makes me sound like an a-hole, and maybe I was during this time, but after so many of the same question, I would rather avoid the chit chat all together than be rude to a stranger. Here’s a funny blog post about responses to commonly asked questions: Pregnant Chicken

There is nothing worse for a gal’s self esteem than getting larger every day, with the knowledge that you will gain upwards of 20+ pounds in a few months. They (and this time I believe they refers to medical professionals) say that normal weight gain during pregnancy can be from 24-50 pounds. This weight gain is pretty specific to an individual, but let’s face it, if you’re preggers, you ARE going to gain weight. You hear about these crazy people that barely gain a pound to some that gain way more than necessary (neither can be too healthy). But regardless of how much weight you gain, and where you gain it (besides the obvious, my hips got huge), you will not fit in to your regular clothes. If you try, you look weird, and perhaps slightly sausage like. My next piece of advice is

3) Invest in some high quality all purpose maternity clothes. Pieces that can be staples for your pregnancy wardrobe and will last through the pregnancy and through subsequent pregnancies, because oh geeze those clothes are not cheap. I only got a few pieces, but I wore the sh*t out of them. I would suggest a good pair of jeans (dark, so you can dress them up and down), a pair of black work pants or a black pencil skirt, 2-3 shirts or tank tops that can be worn by themself or add a jacket or cardigan for work or ‘going out’ (you probably won’t need to get maternity jackets/blazers/cardigans – just wear them open), and a nice fancy dress (in case you get invited to fancy events, i.e. weddings, work dinners etc.). These pieces can be mixed and matched for variety. I also found that I could buy regular shirts, as long as they were loose in the body, and I got them a size or two bigger than I normally wear. Oh, and wrap sweaters, LOVED them. Lukily I never needed to purchase a winter coat, but I hear that is a staple for those pregnant from Dec-Feb. I was 7-8 months pregnant in the summer, and did end up swimming while preggers (very nice, I would suggest it, you feel weightless, giving your joints a break – see point #1). Unless you are really uncomfortable, or have unlimited funds, I would suggest staying away from the maternity swim wear and just wearing your regular bikini. Granted, my upper half was a bit too big for my bikini top, but we were among close friends who probably wouldn’t care if they saw more than they bargained for. Being pregnant is one time you do not have to worry about the belly jiggle, as it is huge and full of baby, hence no jiggle. I got most of my items from Haute Mama here in Kanata.

And along those lines

4) Enjoy and embrace your added cleavage! It goes away (a very devasting time), so wear those low cut shirts while you can.

And more along those lines

5) You are NOT, and I repeat NOT eating for two ‘people’. There is a very popular saying for the pregnant that you are now ‘eating for two’. The 2nd in this case is a tiny ball of cells that will (hopefully) get no bigger than 10 pounds. It does not need an extra 2000 calories, more like 200. So if you are worried about weight gain (and trust me, it is a b*tch to get rid of), do not overindulge at every chance. Don’t get me wrong, this is the prime example of when to use your pregnancy for good as no one looks down on a pregnant woman scarfing down a Big Mac. My advice is to indulge your cravings, but don’t over do it, you will regret it later.

There is a lot of uncertainty that comes with being pregnant. For first time moms every little thing has you worried if it is ‘normal’ or not, and you never really know what to expect. There are also a lot of options out there for care. From your regular family doctor, to an OBGYN, to a midwife or a doula, they all have your best interests in mind and will give you the best care they can offer. I started with my family doctor, then switched to the obgyn part way through. One thing is certain, there are a lot of tests and procedures they put pregnant women through. With this in mind

6) Get informed! Ask questions – no question is off limits or too basic. Research the tests before going to see your healthcare person, then be prepared to ask questions. Write your questions down (I tended to forget them) and don’t be afraid to call to ask questions you forgot about. We opted to do all the tests that were given, including the 12 week ultrasound for IPS test, the glucose test for gestational diabetes, the ultrasound to find out what sex it was etc. If they could test for it, we took that test. A lot of the tests you can decline, but the way I saw it was that it was another chance to check in with the fetus and see how it was doing, get a cool ultrasound pic if offered and even hear the heart beat (music to a pregnant woman’s ears).

Keeping with this train of thought of getting informed

7) Join a prenatal group, no matter what it is: yoga, exercise, dance, knitting, what have you, anything to surround yourself with other pregnant women. This serves two purposes; 1 – you can use them as a sounding board for all your pregnancy issues as they are the most sympathetic group you can find (your hubby may start to tune out your complaints and not offer the best advice); and 2 – you can see how normal you are compared to some of the other pregnant people. Pregnant women end of being a ball of raging hormones, and some women sort of go off the deep end… there is nothing wrong with that, nor can you probably help it from happening, but being around other pregnant women can help you gain perspective and give you valuable advice and coping mechanisms for all the sh*t that your body goes through.

My final piece of advice is

8) Be selfish. This is a time when you are basically an incubator for a future hall of famer, or nobel peace prize winner, or multi-platinum recording artist, or professor, or astronaut, or future queen or king of the universe. After you have that baby, it is no longer just you (and your significant other). Granted, you will love that baby for all your worth, you would do anything for them, and really, not care so much about yourself anymore. So take this time now to indulge yourself – take long walks by the beach, have a nap every day, read all those books on your list, finish knitting that afghan, get a weekly mani/pedi, spend 3 hours at the salon getting your hair done, go out for dinner, stay up late, sleep in every chance you get, make sweet sweet (loud) love with your partner, go to concerts and movies, travel! Once that baby enters your life, your world will shift and everything I just mentioned will be 2nd fiddle to spending time with your baby. Not that you won’t ever get a chance to do any of these things again, you most definitely will and you will do them and love doing them, but given the opportunity to sleep in or play with your baby until they laugh uncontrollably, you will probably jump out of bed as fast as you can.

So that is my advice, take it or leave it.

I will end this post with one product endorsement for stretch cream lotion. Ladies, use this everyday on your chest, belly and hips/thighs – it really works!