Saturday

How to enjoy making decisions?

Decision making has always meant some level of fear to me. The more important the decision, the more intense the fear.

Even after knowing deeply that there is not such thing as ultimate mistakes, that everything is just a part of the journey for me and for everybody involved, it didn't get much easier.

And, after making a decision, there was always some fear that it was the "wrong" one.

I know now that it comes from the conditioning deeply ingrained in my nervous system, that "mistakes" are real and their consequences - painful.

What else could it learn growing up as a child who wanted nothing more than make everybody around it happy but never succeeded completely?

It has taken me decades, first, to discover this conditioning, then, to accept it for what it was: the instinct of self-preservation of the body/person, and, then, many sessions of Inner Reconciliation to help the nervous system to unlearn the conditioning.

Lately, I am asking: "What is Love wanting to do through me now?" again and again, moment by moment.

And feeling/hearing the answer much clearer than before.

Especially, since I am paying attention to if it feels loving to my body/person, when I do something "for others".

So, some fear is still there, especially, with "bigger decisions" and as long as I am still living together with my two younger kids.

But paying attention to feelings and sensations in my body, questioning the beliefs behind them (which is what Love often wants to do through me) let's my nervous system relax and even enjoy the process of making decisions.

And helping others to do the same and seeing how it works for them creates even more joy in my experience.