A man owned a small farm up near Aberdeen.
The Department of Employment and Pensions claimed he wasn't paying proper wages to his staff and sent a representative out to interview him.
"I need a list of your employees and the amount of wages you pay them." demanded the inspector.
The farmer said "Well, there's my farm hand, he's been with me for three years and I pay him two hundred and seventy five pounds a week, plus free room and board.
The cook/housekeeper has been here for about five years and I pay her Two hundred and twenty pounds a week, plus free room and board.
Then there's the half wit he works eighteen hours or so every single day, including weekends, he does about ninety percent of the work around here. He makes about twenty pounds a week pays his own room and board, but I do buy him a bottle of whiskey every Saturday night.......He also has sex with my wife once in a while,.... when he's got the strength."
That's the guy I need to speak to said the inspector."
"That'll be me then..! said the farmer