Stand by to hear a lot more in the next couple of weeks about Jorge Valdano and a certain pithy expression. Valdano won a World Cup playing for Argentina in 1986 and has since coached Real Madrid, but made something of a name for himself a year ago when he compared what was on offer in the last Champions League semi-final between Liverpool and Chelsea to 'a shit hanging from a stick'.

Football fans can readily relate to such graphic imagery and already the third semi-final meeting between the two clubs in four years is being groaningly referred to as SOAS3 (shit on a stick part three). Everyone who dislikes Chelsea (most of the country) or does not particularly care for Liverpool (all of Manchester, half of Merseyside), is presently making arrangements to redecorate the bathroom, mend the lawn mower or visit distant Skyless cousins in order to escape the feast of anti-football that SOAS3 threatens to produce.

That might be entirely rational on the basis of the available evidence, though a couple of things have changed since Valdano made his pronouncement. José Mourinho has gone, for a start and, while Avram Grant may not quite be the laughing cavalier of the coaching fraternity, he cannot easily be accused of vanity either. What's vanity got to do with it? Bear with me; I'll tell you in a minute. The other significant change is that Liverpool now boast Fernando Torres, probably the best striker among the four teams that remain and certainly the most in-form. Torres indisputably has cleverness and talent. He is an enviable asset, a player who would be and has been coveted by the biggest clubs in the world. He is clearly a far better player than Rafa Benítez would ever have been.

Why is that important? Because Valdano wasn't really having a go at the standard of football on offer when Chelsea and Liverpool last met; he was having a go at the caution of the coaches. He wasn't impressed by the standard of football, for sure, though even his SOAS comment was taken slightly out of context. He was attempting to argue that the passion of the Liverpool fans in particular, the colour, the noise and the spectacle of the Anfield arena, had tricked people into believing something momentous had taken place when actually it had not.

'Anfield is unbeatable,' Valdano said. 'Put a shit hanging from a stick in the middle of this passionate, crazy stadium and there are people who will tell you it's a work of art. It's not: it's a shit hanging from a stick.'

Valdano should have been at Anfield on Tuesday to see how much Liverpool have to offer. Veteran reds were saying it was better than the St Etienne match in 1977 and praise does not come any higher, although Arsenal deserve credit for providing at least half the excitement. The semi-final against Chelsea is not expected to be anything like as pulsating, although with Torres on the field anything is possible. Liverpool might have won in Athens last year with such a centre-forward and the addition of a class act at the sharp end to a team who have reached two of the past three Champions League finals makes Benítez's side the team to beat, however easily Torres has thus far been nullified by Manchester United.

The acquisition of Torres also kills Valdano's central argument: that between them Mourinho and Benítez mistrusted talent because of their own failure as players. 'Neither made it as a player,' Valdano observed. 'That made them channel all their vanity into coaching. They do not believe in talent, they do not believe in the ability to improvise, they desire to have everything under control. Benítez and Mourinho are exactly the kind of coaches Benítez and Mourinho would have needed to make it as players. If Didier Drogba was the best player in the first match it was purely because he ran the fastest, jumped the highest and crashed into people the hardest. If football is going the way Chelsea and Liverpool are taking it, we had better be ready to wave goodbye to any expression of the cleverness and talent we have enjoyed for a century.'

Apocalyptic visions do not come much bleaker than football becoming the new rugby league, although happily things have not panned out quite as Valdano feared. Joe Cole has not been marginalised as predicted at Chelsea, he has been one of the successes of the season. Managers who fear talent and self-expression do not go out and purchase Nicolas Anelka. The outlook at Anfield is even rosier. With Torres in the side Liverpool are almost the perfect European team and, had Benítez had the funds to add some wit and proper width to his solid defensive core, they might have cracked the Premier League by now.

It is fair to say both Chelsea and Liverpool are still built on defensive caution and their semi will not be as eagerly anticipated as the meeting of Barcelona and Manchester United. But attacking sides do not always deliver entertainment and entertainment does not always deliver success. A tight defence is a prerequisite for that. Just ask Arsenal. Some people think they are a work of art. They're not; they came second. To you know what.

Bentley talking too much for his own good

David Bentley is over his gambling problem but reckons he might now be addicted to talking. 'My team-mates are forever winding me up about talking too much,' the Blackburn winger told last week's OSM. 'You can't win. Ignore the fans and you get called arrogant, talk to everyone and you get labelled a cheeky so-and-so.'

There are undoubtedly worse addictions and if, dressing-room ribbing and occasional carping from commentators who think young footballers should be seen and not heard is all Bentley has to put up with, perhaps there is no immediate need to seek treatment. Why pan a player for being honest enough to say last month's England friendly in Paris was a half-paced and meaningless exercise played at the wrong time of the season, when the vast majority of the 78,500 present felt exactly the same? It is a bit like criticising Cesc Fábregas for having the temerity to mention last year that Mark Hughes did not appear to have brought the spirit of Barcelona to Blackburn's football. Better to smile at the joke and admire the impudence of youth.

But hang on a minute, what's this? 'With Mr Capello we could win the World Cup,' Bentley says later in the same interview. 'If it was solely down to individual talent we would already be the best team in the world. We just need to learn to play together and we will do well.'

In other words, English footballers are so good they deserve a World Cup, and if they don't win one it will be the coach's fault. That's miles past cheeky, it is delusional, disrespectful and arrogant beyond belief from a player with four caps for a country that stank out Germany 06 and failed to even qualify for Euro 08. Bentley's condition could be more serious than he realises. He might be addicted to talking piffle. Nurse, the screens!

Wenger blames usual suspects in full view of familiar failings

If Arsène Wenger lost it a little in the immediate aftermath of Arsenal's exit from Europe, it would take a harsh judge to blame him. The two penalty incidents so crucial to each leg were virtually identical, and two referees saw each differently. Bill Shankly used to have a rather annoying aphorism for such situations - 'Ours was a penalty and theirs wasn't' - and after watching such rough justice take shape just seconds after Arsenal thought they had won the tie, Wenger could be forgiven for taking a dim view of referees, Liverpool, and life in general.

On more sober reflection, however, he will surely note the miss by Emmanuel Adebayor that could have wrapped up the game, the wooden defending by Philippe Senderos that cost Arsenal two goals and was particularly culpable for the first and even the unfortunate goalline intervention of Nicklas Bendtner that gave Liverpool a lifeline in the first leg.

Errors were made in both legs by people who were not carrying watches and whistles, he will finally have to admit. He might also reflect that the highest prize in Europe is not to be won by teams who lose Sami Hyypia at corners. Wenger was worried about the 12th-man effect when playing a second leg at Anfield, but it wasn't 'the crowd wot won it' for Liverpool. Arsenal stunned Anfield into silence not once but twice, which is some achievement on a European night. Although their movement was intoxicating at times, and Theo Walcott's sensational cameo was thrilling to witness, Arsenal let themselves down with expensive lapses of concentration at both ends. Liverpool didn't. End of (familiar) story.