8 Tips for Writing Your Own Wedding Vows

Newlyweds Ginny Robbins and Derek Olson – she’s originally from Massachusetts, and he comes from a clan of Harley-riding Wisconsinites – knew they wanted to personalize the vows for their intimate October wedding. Ginny says she was full of adrenaline while reading them aloud. “It was freezing out, but I was still sweating!” Rehearsing at home helped Derek overcome his nerves, but he says he “still choked up right at the end on ‘I love you,’ which was apparently the cutest thing.”

Here are their tips:

1. Write down some of your favorite stories about your significant other.

2. Think about other wedding ceremonies you have attended. Take notes on what you liked.

3. If you’re stuck, look for inspiration online.

4. Though this may be a romantic moment, humor has a place too.

5. Share your rough draft with your partner. You are in this together, so work with each other.

6. Rehearse. This will help with pacing and calm your nerves.

7. Do your best to speak from the heart

8. Don’t stress! Vows are not the most important part of the day. No matter how beautifully crafted they are, your vows aren’t going to make or break your marriage.

Fun Fact: Quaker Weddings in Wisconsin

You don’t have to be a Quaker to have a “Quaker wedding.”

Wisconsin is one of only a handful of states that honors self-uniting marriages – those conducted without the presence of a third-party officiant. Rather than leaving their unification in the hands of a pastor, rabbi or some stranger, friends and family can bear witness to a couple’s union and even serve as witnesses. This gives the couple complete agency over the marriage ceremony, which some prefer.

Self-uniting marriages date back to the 1600s, when Quaker couples were sometimes shamed for “living in sin” because their marriages were unregistered by law.

Some state officials may ask for proof of membership within a denomination that doesn’t have an officiant. Stefan Dostanic of the Milwaukee County Clerk’s office promises that Cream City couples aren’t hassled, though. “It’s in the statutes, and if someone comes in and says that they want to do it, then we will honor it.”

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Q: What is the most common wedding day blunder you see?

JMB: I would have to say the guests or wedding party (bride and groom included) drinking too much. Weather is another common disaster that is hard to control. Events also don’t run smoothly if you don’t use experienced vendors. I often see brides taking on too much, or allowing their family members to handle tasks that are best left to professionals.

Q: How can guests or wedding party members help support the bride when things go wrong?

JMB: It’s most helpful if everyone close to the bride and groom stays calm to not attract more attention or create drama. Keep the bride and groom enjoying the day on the dance floor and enlist someone to distract them from any problematic situation while you move on to plan B.

Q: What are your top tips for keeping things running smoothly?

JMB: Make a plan in advance as to who to go to for assistance in cutting off a family member or friend who’s on the edge of having too much to drink. Make sure your bartenders also know when to cut people off. Having a contingency plan for weather for outdoor events in Wisconsin is a must! And always hire good vendors. They will ensure you can actually enjoy your special day, even if disasters arise.