Dating Dynamics - Dating Advice for Men

Dating Advice for Men -How to attract women and how to get a date. Dating secrets to sexually attract women. Learn how to approach women and talk to women, how to pickup women, dating tips, how to get a girlfriend, and all the dating advice for men you will ever need...

Monday, April 30, 2007

Stalking isn't just for guys, guys....

This story was sent to me by a reader and I thought I'd post it here. I want to show you this not to further provoke a divide between the sexes, but to wake people up and create awareness that women are just as likely to do the things that men are when it comes to disturbing behavior.

This is just a good reason to be wary of the women you invite into your life. You should be screening just as much as she is.

Read and think...

_______________________Don’t Underestimate Dangerousness Of Female Stalkers, Study UrgesAlthough men are more notorious for stalking than are women, women stalkers can be just as dangerous.There are far fewer female stalkers than male ones—only12 percent to 13 percent of all stalkers, by some counts. Buthow do female stalkers compare with their male counterparts?Are they just as predatory and dangerous?The answer is yes, according to three authorities—PaulMullen, M.D., a professor of forensic psychiatry at Monash Universityin Clayton, Victoria, Australia, and Rosemary Purcell and MichelePathe, also of Monash University (Psychiatric News, June 15,2001). They reported their results in the December AmericanJournal of Psychiatry.Mullen and his coworkers decided to obtain subjects for theirstudy from a community forensic mental health clinic that specializesin the assessment and management of both stalkers and the stalked.Referrals to the clinic come mostly through the courts, communitycorrectional services, the police, and medical practitioners.Mullen and his colleagues defined stalking for the purpose oftheir study as persistent (duration of at least four weeks)and repeated (10 or more) attempts to intrude on or communicatewith a victim who perceived the behavior as unwelcome and fearprovoking. This was an intentionally conservative definition.Mullen and his team selected 190 stalkers from the clinic whomet their definition—150 males and 40 females. They thengathered demographic, psychiatric, and stalking-behavior informationfor the subjects and compared it on the basis of gender.The male and female stalkers did not differ in terms of age,the researchers found; the mean age for both was 37 or 38 years.Nor did the two groups of stalkers differ in marital status,employment status, or diagnostic profiles—many in bothgroups had delusional disorders, personality disorders, morbidinfatuations, and so forth. (Male and female stalkers also tendedto use similar methods of harassment, except that female stalkersfavored the phone, and male stalkers physical pursuit.)Contrary to popular assumption, the female stalkers were noless likely than their male counterparts to threaten their victimsor to attack their person or property. For instance, one femalestalker damaged the sports car of her victim, her former fiancé.Another painted obscene messages on the fence of her victim’shome. Nine of the 40 female stalkers assaulted their victims,and the nature of the assaults did not differ much from thatof the male stalkers, except that the women did not commit anysexual assaults."There is no reason to presume that the impact of being stalkedby a female would be any less devastating than that of a man,"Mullen and his coworkers wrote in their report.In contrast, the investigators discovered, there were some differencesbetween the male and female stalkers—for one, choice ofvictim. With only two exceptions, the female stalkers focusedon those with whom they had professional contact, especiallypsychiatrists, psychologists, and family physicians, althoughteachers and legal professionals were occasional targets. Malestalkers, in contrast, pursued a broad range of victims—notjust professionals, but prior intimate partners, acquaintances,or strangers. Moreover, whereas female stalkers were just aslikely to pursue women as men, male stalkers were more inclinedto pursue women.Finally, both the females and males engaged in stalking becausethey felt rebuffed, wanted to take revenge, or thought thatstalking would help them get a date. But significantly morefemale stalkers wanted to establish an intimate, loving relationshipwith the person they pursued.The study was financed by a postgraduate award to Purcell fromthe federal government of Australia.

How to Attract Women - when you don't have much time...

Hey man, long time, no see...

Anyway, 3 of us that attended your seminar in Belgrade have been sarging for some time and now we are finally getting phone numbers(and sometimes instant dates) regularly.

Now, our biggest problem is flaking, in the sense that, when we get a phone numbers, we call the next day, and they won't go for day2, and this happens a lot to us. We know that this is because of lack of TRUST and RAPPORT. By the way, we call on the next they immediately, and we still get the player vibe. The girls ask us a lot "Do you approach girls a lot? Do you do this regurarly? Do you say this to every girl?"

We even try to seem as if we were approaching for the first time, we try to seem huble and not over-confident, yet we still get the player vibe.

So, how do we achieve that trust and rapport in 2-10 minutes?

- Mark______________________

CARLOS ANSWERS:Ah, the old "how do I get her to like me enough in just a few seconds..."

Let's face one thing right away... Anyone that claims you can walk up to a woman and have her number in just a few minutes is right. It's not that hard once you get the hang of it. It's just like any acquired skill.

BUT to actually establish a level of trust that will get her to re-connect with you will simply have to take MORE time and show her MORE of the REAL you. You can't be building trust when you're acting according to scripts and routines, but as I taught you in the seminar, you will get further with a sincere expression of feeling than you will with a clever tactic that smells "game-y."

In short, you can't always use a technique to save your situation. Eventually you must rely on the REAL you (your sincerity and authenticity) to get her to believe in you.

I usually do this through the use of sincere statements of interest. "Look, I really think you're interesting and unique. I think we owe it to each other to take a chance on meeting again."

Boom. You get her number. Then you lock her in:

"Now, you're not the kind of girl who's going to give her number just to get rid of a guy are you? Will you be smart enough to see how much fun we'd have together? Wait, don't answer that. I'll ask you again when I call. Have a nice day."The reason their comments about being a player get to you is because you secretly suspect you ARE being players.Spend your first few minutes on the phone re-energizing the conversation so that she remembers why she gave you the phone number in the first place.

Remember, getting a phone number is relatively meaningless - it's necessary, but it only give you a second chance to start all over again. For women, it's simply her way of saying, "Okay, I'll let you interview for the position again later. But I'll forget you in the mass of people applying for the job, so you have to start all over again when you call me."

Do you want to learn REAL Game? How to get women interested in you with your own personality rather than a bunch of clever lines?

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Get around people who make you grow and learn

Hey Carlos... just wanted your quick input on overcoming slight/moderate intimidation/lack of confidence with other men and women that have a higher confidence level than myself. I do just fine with equal/lower confidence level people, but just dont feel the same confidence with higher confident people...

... Example: At a party and some people that you meet seem to be more confident than myself when I speak to them... I just dont feel real comfortable when this is the case.. other times, men or women that are meek or dont have an authoritive demeanor are easier to speak with and I feel comfortable..

I want to eventually talk to anyone I meet the same way whatever thier confidence level or what they look like.. any particular things I can do to accelerate this change?

thanx,chris______________________CARLOS ANSWERS:This is a classic case of what I call "projected comparative value."

I know, a lot of words.

What it means is that you're projecting your own sense of self-esteem based upon a perception and comparison of others' self-esteem.

What does it matter that they are more confident than you? What you're saying to yourself is that you can only associate with people that feel worse about themselves than you do (or show it more.) That sounds a bit crazy when I say it like that, huh?

Ideally, this should be reversed.

You need to understand that you will not learn anything but a false sense of superiority by dealing with people who don't challenge you.

But if you hang around people that can be a good example, that can show you better character and social behaviors that can help you grow. Instead of being intimidated, be inspired. If you're not growing, you're dying.

Comfort is irrelevant.

If you chase comfort the rest of your life, you'll be a neurotic loser addicted to the avoidance of any potentially rewarding experience in life. You'll fold at the first hint of pressure. This is especially sobering when you realize that nothing of any value in life can be obtained without RISK. In fact, it's that element of risk that makes life rewarding.

The direction you head in life will be in direct alignment with how you associate pain and pleasure. If you think that being around people who can teach you a better way of life is painful, you'll probably avoid it. Unless you learn how to re-frame that experience in such a way that you can focus on the benefits.

Field Report - Successful approaching a woman

Hey Carlos, I wanted to hit you up with some great news. I was out eating at one of our local Tex Mex restaurants here in the ATL when out of the blue came walking in this perfect 9. I wasted no time in getting up to go talk to her almost like it was instinct now.

As I walked up to her I had no idea what I was going to say or do and to be quite honest I was also not thinking of what I was going to say to her but I just knew I had to say something. As I got with in talking distance she bent down to inspect something that was on her shoe. With out skipping a beat I bent down in the exact position that she was in and simply asked her what she was doing.

Now normally I would think this simple task would not work but for what ever reason, maybe she was in a really great mood, or maybe because she found it a little funny that a complete stranger would simply walk up to her in a situation that doesn’t make sense to talk to some one, but what ever it was I did it.

She looked at me and started to giggle in a very flirtatious and cute way. I simply asked her what she was doing and when she replied that she was simply addressing a tight that was pulling on her lower leg on the cusp of her boot. I fired back at her in a calm quiet almost whisper that to me it looked like she was about to pull a gun out of her boot and if she was about to perform a heist that I wanted in. She was laughing so loud that it really attracted the attention of all those who were in the vicinity.

After I made her laugh I told her that I just wanted to make sure she was not in the habit of robbing restaurants in the middle of lunch and that if she did do this that she would be better off waiting until all the tills are full after lunch. She told me that she thought I was really funny and that I was brave for saying that due to the wait staff and managers walking around and that it was truly the most original thing anyone has ever done to talk to her. I told her that she didn’t have to try and butter me up for making a joke and that I played hard to get and that I was a tough nut to crack.

As you always say, it’s not what you say but more the reaction in the physiology of the subject you are talking to. I noticed that a huge smile came over her face and that little goose bumps were on her arms. Now I’m not going to lie, I have really no idea what that was about but it was something and I was going to keep going in the same direction I was in.

She told me that we were going to have to hang out some time because she thought I was really funny and that I made her laugh. I told her that I had to go because at some point in time that afternoon someone was about to perform a heist and I didn’t want to miss out on my golden opportunity to fulfill my dreams and that I need her phone number in case I need a get-a-way driver or simply someone just to talk to in case I feel that I needed to vent about my future robbing spree I was about to commit.

She was tickled with laughter and agreed. She looked at me as if she knew she had met her match, no lie that is exactly what I got from my gut instincts. I got her number and her full name so I could Google her later on when I got home.

Carlos, My man, I have to thank you right now because three weeks into this and I am now in a great relationship with an Elite International model who is on national commercials and who does work for the home shopping clubs and is in just about every beauty magazine out there that women run to the store to buy.

Not only that, but she has been in films that are at all our local Blockbuster videos. I want to say her name but I cant because if it gets out to the people at Elite it could cause her trouble in the future ...

Now I know I did the leg work here but a special thank you goes out to you for putting all the pieces together for me.

Jin Atlanta______________________

CARLOS ANSWERS:

Hey, I'll take a little of that credit, my man. This is an excellent account of the interaction and how a good approach is supposed to work - and it's surprisingly easy. The only thing missing that other guys have to watch for (and you can't really communicate in writing) is the overall "vibe" of the interaction. You set the tone with humor and playfulness in the right combination.

The reason this worked so well for you is that you were in the right STATE (frame of mind) when you walked up and started to chat her up. You were feeling the confidence that you get from knowing the Secrets of the Alpha Man, and you knew that you had to share it all with her.

THAT is the right state to come from, my Alpha Brother.

Most guys today are reading a lot about being a "Pickup Artist," and they're not understanding that the reason that all of these guys are successful with women is not WHAT they're saying, but the HOWthey're saying it. You can't just parrot words or you'll crash and burn. You need to understand how to be a naturally confident and fun guy to be with.

Women can see through bravado, and the cheap pickup lines. If you want to learn how to bring out your natural attractiveness with women, then you need to learn the Secrets and the Strategies that will make you successful with women.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

A Reader Comments...

I wanted express to you my continued awe at the type resources that you provide.

I started using Carlos's stuff about 3-4 months ago and I have been improving drastically. Women friends say I act differently now-a-days. My favorite approach is the "Why are guys so afraid to talk to girls." I used it on one girl at school that nobody could get, or was intimidated by her then followed up with my conversational skills. I'm taking the time to tell you this because as you know in this game, feedback plays a pivotal role.

So I'd like to say THANK YOU

Recently I been approaching women and I have no problem getting the number/email but when I e-mail them or call them they tell me they have a boyfriend or seeing someone. Is this a test? They say "Yeah I wanted to tell you from the beginning." How should I respond to this? Should I call them on it or move on?______________________CARLOS XUMA: Thanks for taking that time to write in. You're right - feedback is so much more critical than most guys ever discover. The reason is that feedback from others is the only way we get the input we need to make changes to areas we can't always identify on our own.

Another reason is that the big difference between guys who grow and succeed and those that just talk and hide behind their egos is that the Alpha Man isn't so insecure that he's afraid of confronting an unflattering image of himself to see if he needs to make a course correction.

What you're experiencing is not really a test. This is their way of not confronting you or making you feel bad or rejecting you when you asked for the number. They didn't want to give it in the first place. But now that you're on the phone with them, it's MUCH easier to tell you the truth.

(This is an unfortunate aspect of our social nature. Live with it.)

No, there's nothing for you to "call them on."

The reality is that you're not creating enough rapport and trust when you first meet them.

This is why getting phone numbers is really a joke as far as goals go. I don't care how many phone numbers you get; you need to get CONNECTIONS with women.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Hi Carlos, Im from Brazil and admire your newsletters and programs reviews, you're my favorite dating guru (no shit) because you don't [delude] people with superficial/commercial stuff - unfortunatelly that may be the reason why some people aren't able to see how superior you are to C&F or [another advisor]'s programs. You hit direct to the foundations point, which is the main thing to be handling your life - as a man.

My social life is so fucked up, that I even 've got depressed in the last years... is very frustrating being lonely (talking about friends) and so far away from my goals. I'm pretty brave when it comes to approaching girls, my main problems are in general relationships with people. And conversation is probably the most important aspect of it.

______________________CARLOS ANSWERS:

Thanks for the kind words...

And yes, I agree that the one area guys struggle the most is in conversation with women. (And, oddly enough, a little trouble talking with men, too.)

I've noticed that most guys who are having trouble with women don't really have trouble with women. Yeah, that's a symptom and all, but for the most part, their problem is in social dynamics and interactions.

Remember that guys are brought up to be independent, competitive, isolated - alone.

Women are brought up to be cooperative, collaborative, connected.

If it weren't for women, I think most guys would stay at home with the X-box and a pizza.

In reference to your problem, no matter how low you think you are, you can always come back up. After all, what's the alternative?

You can only get better from here.

The key is to never ever give up.

EVER!

Now, the first program I've created to help guys along this path of better social skills is out and available.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Why does this feel familiar?

Carlos, I got your program after I'd been in a long term relationship for 5 years that ended with the girl cheating on me. Needless to say my trust level was and still is a little skeptical. However, I've studied [your] material and had some major fun.

Now, I'm not going to brag and say that I've been with a ton of women, personaly my goal isn't to sleep with as many women as possible but to be confident enough that while I'm in a relationship, if need be, I can walk away and get another girl without a problem.

Now here's what I've started to notice. The women I have suceeded in seducing act seem very similar. Once I get their interest, their actions and even some of their conversation are almost identical. It's actually weird sometimes.

Just curious if you've experienced anything like this yourself?______________________CARLOS XUMA'S ADVICE:Yes, I've actually noticed the same thing. Their behavior seems to slide into a groove that is strikingly similar. They'll go from coy and hard-to-get to being more talkative about plans, and then the screening questions start where they try to figure out if you're a "contender" or not. Then you'll get the acting up from time to time as she tries to wrench the control of the relationship and test your limits.

That similarity and many others (which I discuss in my program) is caused by the universal constants of behavior that each gender tends towards. Don't let any of your friends tell you that women aren't consistent - they are, but in ways that are often covered over by socially acceptable "politically correct" B.S.

By the way, contrary to popular belief, most guys would like to have a steady girlfriend and not "play the field." Most guys don't need to be a "player."

I believe that a guy has to have options and choices in life to feel safe enough to stick with one woman. Unfortunately, most men stay with one woman because they succumb to the fear that they won't be able to find another.I have a way for guys to never feel like this again.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

How do you approach women?

Hey Carlos,

Thanks again mate for your advice its helped me out heaps I have no trouble getting numbers or dates anymore and its all thanks to your E-books.Although I would like to ask 1 thing, I was talking to my dad and although he is happily married to my mum he still enjoys flirting at parties etc with younger women just to see how they react. Now my dad uses a very different approach so to speak. He is much more direct and yet gets great response to it. He is never not offered sex or some kind of other sexual favour (for want of a better word).

His approach is he immediately introduces himself then brings up anal sex (weird but it works) it throws the girls of completely but then he makes [it] out as a joke and presto he has them talking about sex within seconds of the conversation beginning.

I was wondering if this approach is worth trying or does it only work for some people or is it just my dad? Id like to experiment with a few other approaches other then the one I've been using just to see how they go. When and where would this approach be any good?

Steve______________________CARLOS ANSWERS:Ah, your dad is most certainly an Alpha Man who understands that he needs to keep his own masculinity warmed up to be interesting to your mom, and it's likely that she understands this too and the big reason she's still attracted to him.

The key to what he's doing is in his tone and method of delivery. He is completely congruent with his attitude, and deep underneath he knows that he's also not really going to do anything with the women, so he comes across as completely SAFE to the women. Depending on how old he is, they also take that into consideration.

So you could try this, but you might not have the same success because you don't understand WHERE that attitude comes from that he uses to feel safe to the ladies.

This "safety" factor is a big deal when it comes to women. It's something I'm explaining in an upcoming Advanced Coaching program, and it's essential to understand for your ability to approach women.

You can easily think of your own approaches and experiment. What you need to do is understand that you must be completely congruent and attached to the approach you use. If you are not, you'll give it away with your body language and tonality, and women will not respond favorably. This is something I coach men about with my REAL Game programs.

Every approach is worth trying once, but you won't really make it effective until you work it in and practice it. Do what works for you and your personality. Don't try to use other people's material (something that a lot of guys do and then wonder why it doesn't work), since you'll just come across as phony.

You're afraid of approaching because it's been pushed into your brain since you were just a kid. (Not because of evolution, or trapped energy in your chakras, either.) You are afraid because of the value we put on other peoples' opinions.

Let me say that again:

You are afraid of other people's opinions of you.

This is the core and unmistakable source of all your inner turmoil regarding approach. Once you have fully explored your own emotions and beliefs regarding the power of other people's opinions, you will no longer find this intimidating.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

How to deal with different cultures and dating

Hey Carlos, fantastic audio series. I find it really helps the way that your understanding is so fundamental and your advice is then tailored from a person's inner game. It expands your understanding of reality with both women and all of your general attitude to life and taking control, for which I wish to thank you. Now onto a question.

I am a western guy and have moved to Hong Kong. Now, I saw how the alpha approach was so useful back in the UK. However, over here I have very different situations to master. The Chinese culture is so strong in these girls that they are seriously more introverted. They are so scared of touch in public. Also a large percentage are looking for marriage or their mr.right. Also western guys have a very bad reputation for getting a girl into bed and then running away. On the other hand we also have high value because we are a minority and seen as affluent, and HK is very materialistic.

So now that I a have built a context, my question is this. In a place such as this it is hard to know what you can and cannot do. I went on a date with a stunning girl who is my music teacher. I showed up to my 2nd lesson and she was dressed up to go out, and I had made no attempt to ask her out before, so said 'are you going out tonight' to which she said 'no'. I then realised she had dressed up for me. She then said that she would go out if I took her! So I did.

We went for a snack and some cocktails and I enjoyed her company. However, she kept asking me all these questions about life and am I a player, do I want kids, am I a one -girl-man etc all in a very serious tone. Obviously testing me, and at the end I went to give her a hug (I didnt think kissing her was right, due to this being HK, I mean they are scared of holding hands in public) and as I went in she was like 'er er no touching no touching' in a chinese semi english dialect.

So I grabbed her hand and pulled her in for a hug which she reciprocated. The whole evening went really well, we both laughed and shared stories had some light hand touching in the bar. She then kept asking me why I wanted to learn music at the place she teaches. Probably wanted me to say 'because you were there' but I could not work out for the life of me what to tell her... I didnt answer the question. I did not know if that because she is very traditional that telling her she is attractive etc may scare her away and tell her I am after one thing (which I am not) and that her idea of pure romance that just flows is crushed.

What do you think? I made no push with her in terms of a kiss, but thats ok as we touched a lot and laughed. So can you tell me what is the best way to deal with this traditional minded girls. Should I let them know my intentions? Teasing and flirting is never very effective because of dialect issues so building attraction is a lot more superficial. If you wear a suit your perceived value is very high.

So I would love to hear your advice on this subject, I am very confused, but if you have ever been to china then you will know exactly what I mean.

Cheers

Graham, HK______________________CARLOS XUMA'S ADVICE:Well, actually, I have been over to China, both mainland and Hong Kong. And I do know what you mean, that it's got a different culture.

However, I disagree that you cannot tease and flirt. This is a universal language between the sexes that does not change - only in the way that you approach it and the subtlety with which you use the technique.

The first thing you must do in another country is turn on your observation mode and really watch social interactions VERY closely. You have to observe what passes for acceptable. Read books on the culture and the evolution of that society.

It's different when you grow up in a certain country, where you feel the culture from the inside out. Now you've got to become a student and learn it all over again. But don't think for a minute that the principles of being an Alpha Man are something you can put on and get rid of to suit you. Most of that confident and capable persona must be with you all the time.

You can always be confident in any language or culture, and it will not be a turn-off to a woman - unless it's done arrogantly.

The next step for you is to learn the language and understand the nuances and subtleties there, too. Once you have a grasp of the language, you can then communicate and understand those small sub-communications much better.

One thing I recommend is getting out of your head with all the self-doubt and second-guessing. Stop trying to get into her head and do everything "just right."

Get in there, get dirty, get busy. Make mistakes, learn from them quickly, and then get on to your next mistake - which I hope will be a different one.

This is all a process of learning. And it will be with you for the rest of your life. It just requires you to get rid of this fear of failure and move on to the next success hiding behind it.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Tough Love in a Tough Situation

Hey Carlos, I started at relationship about 4 months ago with an amazing girl. Maybe the girl of my dreams.

In the two months we had sex three times and it was good and she told me she was fullfilled but here comes the problem now she says she wants to refrain from having sex because she wants a relationship that don't revolve around sex because all her past relationship was all about sex.

What should I do?______________________CARLOS ANSWERS:Ooh.

This is going to hurt a little, bro. Maybe even a lot.

Women only stop having sex with you for one of 3 reasons:

1) She's not enjoying the sex.

2) She's not enjoying you. (i.e., she's not ATTRACTED to you.)

3) She loses her confidence in herself.

And if she is going through a phase of doubting herself, then it's only because she doubts you, which really comes back around to # 2 again.

Remember, what she says to you doesn't mean DICK.

What she DOES is everything.

Bottom line: Her excuse about it not being about sex is probably because she's had a moment where she felt a dip in the attraction, and then she was given time to pause and reconsider her own feelings. And as I said, that is something she can ONLY do when she's not sure about you.

She thinks: "Hmm, how do I feel about this guy?"

Her brain answers:

A) "Not that into him..."

OR

B) "I don't know..."

OR

C) "I want him..."

If it's C, she never doubts for a minute. She never tries to hold back on sex. (Truly a gesture of the un-attracted - or the sexually damaged.)

If it's A or B, she'll start to hold back on giving herself to you because she doesn't feel you're prize-able. And most guys scramble desperately to get her back, and then they freak her out ...

... and then she's gone.

Now, remember what I say: "NO WOMAN has the self-control to STOP pursuing that which she TRULY desires..."

Think about that for a minute. When you really want someone, you can't stop yourself from going after them. Anything less and she's not feeling it.

My guess is that you started talking and acting like this was the "girl of your dreams" and she started getting a vibe of insecurity and neediness from you. That's why she's backing off. And I'll bet any amount of money you also changed your behavior from what got you into the relationship to something more sensitive and wussy.

You want to fix this?

Get back to whatever you did to get her in the first place. Not hokey, stupid, romantic comedy stunts like playing "In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel outside her window in the middle of the night.

- Tease her

- Demonstrate your independence

- Make a few decisions and don't let them get changed on you

- Be a leader in the relationship, not a 'partner'

Get back to demonstrating that you're really an Alpha Man.What?You don't know what that is?

Thursday, April 19, 2007

When they cut you out of your conversation...

I've been listening to the Alpha Conversation & Persuasion CD's and trying to do what I hear, and I've gotten a good hang of it- I mean, I can see and experience the changes already with the girls and with everyone in general...

Well, I've developed a pipline of girls to work on and its going well, I'm talking to them, getting them interested and leaving while the interest is high- right? Then, one of them, the one I think I dig the most has turned those baby blue eyes on to me- today! So far that she finally was asking me if I needed anything from Starbucks- though I think that is only part of her ploy to reel me in because we ran into each other at Starbucks a week ago and had our first bonding chat.

Anyway- I got the feeling that she wanted to talk to me tonight, but then something happened when she started talking to someone in front of me, another girl, about some guy that was calling her for a date- and it all of a sudden became girl talk- with no adherence to me being there. So, I finally broke in and said I couldn't stop eavesdropping about it all, but couldn't hear all that well and if they'd repeat it for me- in jest. They briefly acknowledged me but then got back to the tete-a-tete. So, I excuse myself and let them have their 'girl talk'.

I then got changed and left work- but as I was leaving I was thinking why I didn't turn back around and talk to her like I think I wanted to.

I was wrong some where- if so, where?______________________CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:Yeah, this is a common situation with guys that rapidly spirals out of control. One minute you're in an exciting and interesting conversation with a woman, the next minute she's talking to someone else and you're frozen out.

The freeze-out happens not because of any bad feelings for you, but because she's now found conversation that is HIGHER ENERGY (review this from the program) and more interesting than yours.

The key to keeping some women's interest is to keep the conversation amped up to the level where she won't be distracted. Now, the topics I give you in the Alpha Conversation & Persuasion program (use that memory trick sentence I give you to remember the most interesting topics to women) work like a champ to keep her dialed-in.

Some people are just plain rude. They get all caught up in themselves and their conversation, and they fail to bring others back in.

There are a couple of techniques for dealing with this. One is to simply call them on it.

You say: "That's rude."

They say "What?"

"Cutting someone out of your conversation like that. Just when we were having fun!"

Deliver it with a little humor so they don't think you're trying to be a dick. If they get indignant, you just successfully screened out a woman that would have mistreated you and given you hell down the road. Congratulations!I cover more Strategies, Tactics, and Techniques for dealing with this in my new Alpha Conversation & Persuasion program. Take a look at it HERE.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Yummy Mommy Says GO ALPHA MAN!

Carlos: I am a late 30's professional yummy mommy recently back "in the game" after 10 years.

I am an awesome athlete in a social winter sport, so I get A LOT of attention from all kinds of men, but I haven't chosen anyone to have sex with in over 6 months. Throughout this last week (the winter sport season had just ended), I had an email interaction with an ok looking guy that I had met previously (but since I meet a lot of people, I didn't really remember) during the winter and he quickly started seducing me with his Alpha attitude via email.

We met up (I drove 2 hours to the mountains to meet a guy that I barely remember meeting while winter sporting a few months ago) and within 3 hours I was in his bed. If this guy isn't a student of yours, I'd be shocked. Everything that he did is exactly as you advocate. His alpha attitude had an extraordinary affect on me. EXTRAORDINARY. It didn't even matter that I was AWARE of it. It was like I was watching myself get seduced and I LOVED it.

He got me talking about personal things right away (we had been emailing and we talked on the phone). He quickly made the decision to kiss me passionately and I was well on my way. We had dinner and witty conversation and the rest is history. I must say, it was fabulous!

So, thanks! Keep up the great work, get these wimpy guys to alpha male themselves and we will all be a lot happier.

Best regards,

Miki______________________CARLOS REPLIES:Sounds like one of my guys, all right...

Thanks for the tale of Alpha Manhood!

You see, guys? This is what women WANT us to be.

Did you note her choice of words there? "I haven't chosen anyone to have sex with in over 6 months." Women choose men that they want, and guys are most often the choose-ies instead of the choosers. I hesitate to say that this Alpha CHOSE her, not the other way around. That's why he got what others did not.

For all the yummy mommies and those yet-to-be out there, you Alpha Men have a responsibility to live up to your gender. No crying. No wussing out.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

When you're stuck on a woman...

I had a question for you that I'm sure you could answer. First I will say that I just got done reading the Dating Black Book and loved it, I'm going to read it again so all this info can stick in my head for good. It has helped me a good deal this past few weeks because of some things that have been going on in my life.

I purchased it after hearing your pod-cast after my last girlfriend just recently gave me the shaft- So I dated this girl for a year and ALL the time she said how much she wanted to marry me, be with me forever and all that stuff. SO on our one yr. anniversary ( Feb. 14th- yeah I know ) she left me to go out of state ( well tried but due to the blizzard couldn't ) and hook up with some guy. She of course denied all of this, even though I had proof of this was going on.- SO long story short she got engaged like a week or 2 later the wedding is this Fri. and yet she still tries to get ahold of me all the time saying she wants me back and she loves me. And I have not talked to her, replied to her text or e-mails since she did what she did.

... I really could go on and on about how much crap she put me through in our year together- I mean don't get me wrong we had some really good times but overall I was not to happy. But thanks to your book and a couple of my friends I did not go crawling back to her, because I know I would have.

... its weird Carlos even though I know I'm so much better off I think about her all the damn time and feel like its holding me back in going out and asking women. I am a quiet,shy and yes nice guy who is trying to get rid of the "nice guy" part but, since I have always been like this it is a little hard to try and break this habit. But all my relationships I sorta just fell into, one date would lead to another and then about a week later I got myself a girlfriend.

But on the plus side of things, I am working out again, keeping my appearance up ( which of course I let go after I got comfortable in my last relationship ) and doing more things for me and going to be taking up some new hobbies this summer.

So, I'm wondering which book to get next. I cant decide between the Alpha program or the approach women program. Since I'm trying to get rid of this nice guy disease and never have been to good at approaching the ladies I'm not sure which way to go on this one. So any extra advice you would have would be greatly appreciated.

Thank You,Matt______________________CARLOS XUMA'S ADVICE:

This is a place that a lot of guys find themselves falling on their face - when they achieve COMFORT in their relationship.

I'll bet you're in a crazy headspace right now, too. You think about her a lot. You fantasize about what MIGHT have been. Every guy has gone there, and every guy has experienced this to some degree.

(Listen to Puddle of Mudd's "She Hates Me" for a slightly amusing take on this...)Mental obsession and an inability to control your own thinking is behind 99% of those post-partum blues you've got.Here's a little suggestion for you: Every time you think of her from now on, force yourself to imagine her puking all over herself and you. Big, industrial strength chunks. Steaming.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Is it right?

Should women be entitled to half the wealth acquired during their marriage?

I mean, yes, a good woman who supports her husband's career is an ally and an asset, but $150 MILLION???

No way, Jose. I'm not some wildcat screaming chauvinist when it comes to this stuff. I just don't believe in playing "Celebrity Divorce Lottery" either. When there's this much incentive to split, it can be tempting to take the money and run.

Does love stand a chance against quick money in the divorce court? (Whoah, that sounds like the opening question of a "Sex & the City" episode.)

I want to see the divorce settlements of MEN who divorced their wealthy wives.

Read the following Reuters' post and see what you think:

______________________LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - The bigger they are, the harder they fall -- especially in the world of celebrity divorce.

Basketball great Michael Jordan, singer-songwriter Neil Diamond and Oscar-winning director Steven Spielberg top a new Forbes magazine list on Thursday of the most costly divorce settlements of the stars.

Jordan's pending divorce settlement with his wife of nearly 18 years, Chicago bank officer Juanita Vanoy, could end up as the most expensive in entertainment history, Forbes said, if his estranged spouse walks away with half his fortune.

With Jordan having earned much of his wealth during his marriage, most of it through endorsement deals, Vanoy (who filed for divorce last year) stands to collect more than $150 million, the magazine said.

A close second would be the estimated $150 million settlement Diamond paid to onetime TV production assistant Marcia Murphey, whom he married in 1969 before his breakthrough album, "Touching You, Touching Me," went gold, Forbes said.

They divorced in 1996. Diamond later said Murphey, his second wife, was "worth every penny," according to Forbes.

Spielberg's first marriage, to actress Amy Irving, ended in 1989 with his ex-spouse awarded roughly half of the filmmaker's fortune, about $100 million, ranking No. 3 on Forbes' list.

The magazine said Irving won that settlement after successfully contesting their prenuptial agreement, reportedly scribbled on a napkin, because she had lacked legal representation.

Actor Harrison Ford ranks No. 4 on the list with an estimated $85 million paid to his second wife, Melissa Mathison, who Forbes said negotiated a piece of his future earnings from films made while they were married.

Fellow screen star Kevin Costner landed in fifth place for an estimated $80 million settlement obtained by his first spouse, Cindy Silva, whose 16-year marriage to the actor spanned his peak earning years.

Forbes ranked the pending divorce between former Beatle Paul McCartney and ex-model Heather Mills at No. 6, based on reports suggesting she may collect more than $60 million of Sir Paul's $700 million net worth.

Another rock superstar, Rolling Stone Mick Jagger, got off much easier, giving up a fraction of his estate -- $15 million to $25 million -- to Texas supermodel Jerry Hall after he successfully challenged the legality of their 1990 Balinese wedding ceremony and obtained an annulment.

Still that sum was enough to land Jagger on Forbes' list at No. 10.

Rounding out the roster are film director James Cameron (No. 7), who paid an estimated $50 million -- half of what he earned for "Titanic" -- to settle his divorce from actress Linda Hamilton; Michael Douglas (No. 8) for an estimated $45 settlement to his first wife, Diandra; and singer Lionel Richie (No. 9) for an estimated $20 million he paid to his second wife, Diane.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

What if she's too busy to talk to?

Carlos my man,

How you goin? Good no doubt. I firstly like to thank you for writting you for you Dating Black Book, its taught me a heap, Im now more confident, I present myself better and make myself known and I have had great results.

But I have come across a problem, At my local Mcdonalds there is this rather attractive manager. 1 of my mates used to work there and so I asked him what he knew about her(just to give me something to work with before entering a conversation with her) unfortunatly he only remembers her name and her age and that she has 2 tongue rings (I know - hot, huh).

My predicament is that she is the manager and try as I might she is always out the back or racing about behind the scenes where I cant get to her. Now Ive been pondering this for sometime and was about to give up but I want to prove to myself that there is a way to get a girls number that seems just out of reach.

Carlos how do you think I should go about this and is there anything else that you know that could help me with similar situations.

Forever in your debt,Steven in the UK______________________CARLOS ANSWERS:Glad to hear you're getting the results. I find it interesting that guys who apply the knowledge they get always seem to get the results. The "excusers" (the ones that can't seem to find the time or motivation to use my strategies) don't.

The math is simple, really.

But your problem is an interesting one, and one that a lot of guys share.

Let me tell you a story from my past and you'll start to get an understanding of how I view this:

I went to a local restaurant here in Oakland called "Milano's." (I think there's one in every city named this.) I was eating with a lady friend of mine, and our server was very friendly and also pretty adorable. I was just out of a relationship and looking for a new girl.

Now, I also didn't want to make the friend I was with feel weird (I can be VERY forward with women at times), and our waitress seemed very busy the whole night. Hardly time for me to get a word in edgewise.

Well, I went about my life that week, but she did manage to stick in my head, so I made a decision that I had to do something about it. You see, you can want all you like, but to get requires a little action.

I made a decision on the way home from the dojo one night to ACT on that desire. I drove over to the restaurant, asked if she was around. (I got her name from the receipt. The server is usually listed.)

She came over and I said, "Hey, I wanted to drop by and say hello. I don't know if you remember, but you were my server the other night."

She gave me a smile and said she remembered.

"Well, I just thought I'd drop by and tell you that I thought your smile was wonderful and I'd love to take you for some ice cream after your shift."

She then told me that she was already in a relationship, how long, etc. I said, "No problem. I just had to come over and try."

She said, "Yes, you did! Thanks."

Now rather than sit around and pine away for my fair damsel, I simply went out and acted on the desire. I could have waited a couple of weeks, fantasizing about her, crystallizing her in my head, but instead I decided that I should ACT on the need and push this to a decision point.

As a result, I didn't end up with a crushed heart, and despite not getting her, I felt even more confident after I TRIED.

The moral of the story?

DO WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO IN ORDER TO SPEAK WITH HER. Go at a time when the McD's is slow. Ask for the manager. Go a few paces away from the counter and turn away so she can't draw you to the desk, she'll have to come around to you. Smile, take her hand, and introduce yourself.

Not hard at all.

And if you want to know what to do next to keep the conversation going and get her phone number, you should have a look at this:CLICK HERE

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Manipulating the outcome...

Hey Carlos...

How do I get a woman to talk about personal things? There's this girl I've been talking to about a year. We've only hung a couple of times though. Today she called me and we were talking for like 40 minutes. I then asked "Can I ask you something personal?" She said no. I told her what's the point in being friends if we can't share personal information. She said "So you don't wanna be my friend anymore?" I paused for a minute then told her to call me back.

And everytime I ask her to come over she says why don't I come over there. She also said that she doesn't even share personal information with her mother. I think I messed up with this chick a long time ago. After all she stole something from me and denied it, plus she has a boyfriend who she really doesn't want to be with. Any advice? ______________________CARLOS XUMA'S ADVICE:

First of all, when you think that you messed it up, you probably did. Don't even bother asking me how to "get her back again." I've already provided THE definitive answer on this topic. (It's in my archives, go search 'em.) You're chasing your own failure's tail, and you're making your state worse and worse the longer you believe you can redeem yourself.

By the way, you failed her test. Which test? When she asked you that question about not wanting to be her friend, you should have said, "Friends are vulnerable and trusting. I don't feel that from you." Then you hang up and wait for her to call you back. Alpha Men don't NEED women. They exist on their own continuum of honor and integrity. And STANDARDS.

Speaking of which, you should be smacking yourself in the head right now. She stole something from you? This is the character of woman you want in your life?

Come on, man, have some freakin' standards! You associate with low-quality trash like this and guess what effect it will have on your life?

The single most important decision in your life will be the woman you choose to ally yourself with.

- Choose well and you will live long and prosper.

- Choose poorly and your life will spiral the drain, and you will wish for a quick death.

I'm not f***ing kidding, my friend.

You're in a reactive state with this woman. This is where you're trying to GET her to GIVE to you. You can't do this in any area of relationships. When you do things to GET... (gimme gimme gimme, get get get) your motivations are flawed and you sabotage the machine.

If you do things based on principle and rightness of action, you will succeed far more, and live a higher quality of life overall.

So instead of trying to get a woman to tell you personal things...

FIRST, ask yourself why you need to know. I believe it's probably because you want what she won't give you. You're challenged.

SECOND, ask yourself why a woman would NOT want to tell you them voluntarily.

In those two thought exercises you will find the seeds of your answers. You see, she didn't tell you because she did not TRUST you, and THAT is the your real problem.

Now if you're in the mood to quit this reactive game of "can I get her to do my bidding like a puppet," I suggest you find out how to get REALgame with women.

What is REAL Game? It's my trademarked method of being a quality Alpha Man, and learning the right skills to be attractive to women. GET IT HERE.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Can you really just start a conversation from nothing?

Hey Carlos I’ve been a frequent read of your ebooks and podcasts and have learned a lot. Yet am still having some issues meeting women.

But, since reading Secrets of the Alpha Man I have gone through a drastic change. I find myself being more confident, tough with my friends, more loose in social situations, and generally able to flirt with any girl within the context of an extended conversation. Though, it would be great if you released an ebook about nothing but flirting with women, both initially and in the midst of conversation. There really aren't many great resources just on flirtation, as opposed to how to "handle" women.

First, I will completely admit that I still have a case of the-one-that-guy-away-itis, but I have enough respect for myself to rationalize it and realize that its not so much a case of wanting her back as it is desiring to prove and vindicate myself in front of her and her friends due to the terrible nice-guy humiliation I went through a year ago. I now know that if she had met the man that I am now, I would have either ended it right there or it would have lasted longer.

And yet I still have a huge problem with actually approaching women. Unless there happens to be a guerilla in the room AND I happen to be accidentally next to her AND we happen to look at each other, I find it very difficult to approach. Moreover, when I do approach in a confident and relaxed manner the conversation never really gets going, with her awkward/uninterested replies and my seemingly nagging and random questions.

Can you really just walk up to a woman who is minding her own business and all alone in a cafeteria, library, coffee shop, or store and start a conversation out of nowhere? Don’t women (and men for that matter) find it weird when someone out of nowhere walks up and starts talking about some random subject?

I've tried to simply go to the mall and give women "drive-by compliments" to fight this fear, but each time I literally just walk around for an hour horrified at the prospect. I'm confident in my ability once I have a number due to my flirtatious and relaxed manner around women, but approaching keeps getting to me stumped every day, especially since my college campus is filled with ample opportunities to meet women. I don’t even dare dream of meeting women at a bar.

With my senior year coming up, I don’t want to let my last year go by without having at least met one woman on my own. After all, my only sexual experience was with a girl who effectively offered herself after telling me that “she had no idea I’m so good looking,” which I suppose to my advantage is something I hear often. Is there any advice you can give me? Does your "Approach Women Now" program address these issues?

Thanks.

Joe, Boston.______________________CARLOS XUMA'S ADVICE:Well, first of all, yes, Approach Women NOW does tackle the subject of addressing fear of approach - or otherwise known as "approach anxiety."

Many guys have it, and it's not hard to overcome if you do it as part of a planned process, which is what I outline in the program. And, yes, it even covers that enigma known as "flirting."

Your ability to overcome your current limiting beliefs and fears lies in your ability to back up and get back to a step that you feel you CAN comfortably accomplish. You'll always be battling fears versus your own teeth-gritting determination until you lower the internal anxiety you feel to a manageable level.

You don't want to have to wait for women to magically discover who you are, as that one woman did. They are waiting for you to PROJECT your personality out there with Alpha Confidence, and this takes more than just a sudden flip-of-the-switch attitude change. It takes a DECISION.

Right now it sounds like you're reflecting a lot of judgment back on yourself that is not necessary. You're projecting a certain belief on your interactions that is completely unfounded - that the woman is disinterested - and even if she is, does this REALLY reflect on you, or on her poor social skills?

There was an experiment done by a rather "free thinker" university professor, where he came to the class he taught with a bag full of cookies. He munched on them and then offered them to the class. Some people took them and happily ate them. After about ten minutes, the teacher revealed that these were in fact dog biscuits. Some of the people in the class supposedly puked on the spot.

Now I ask you, what changed in that situation? The dog biscuits or the belief system of the students?

What you believe is so powerful that it will make the difference between success and failure in life. GUARANTEED.

How do you change your beliefs?

Get EDUCATED and learn what's REALLY going on with women.

I hear this all the time: "I'm really very confident once I get talking with a woman and it's comfortable, but before that I'm not..."

BULLSHIT!You're just as comfortable before, but you're messing with your own head by believing the wrong things in the wrong order, thus sabotaging your own confidence. What you're saying is that HER REACTIONTO YOU is what makes you feel either good or bad about yourself - and THAT is what most men never address. They learn clever techniques, but they never overcome this glaringly obvious hole in their inner game.

Once I realized that it is a complete HEAD GAME (i.e. - INNER game) that must be won to successfully attract women and get girlfriends, I conquered this fear, and relatively easily, I must add. But I was determined once I figured out the power of the belief systems I had created.

I encourage you to re-read that paragraph about the professor and think about it for a while. It could be the most powerful lesson you learn all month.

And if you want to overcome this fear of approach once and for all, I have a solution for you.

Monday, April 09, 2007

When She's Got a Lot of Guy Friends...

Really digging your e-book as it makes sure guys get a solid foundation, the inner game that is so important and barely touched upon by other "coaches" out there who concentrate on structure and canned openers.

Anyways, I wanted to get your take on what it means when you encounter a girl and she has a lot of straight male friends...

-E______________________CARLOS XUMA'S ADVICE:I've noticed that every woman has her little "thing." Her thing is her quirky part of her personality that really shapes her identity.

Honestly, you'll know what your girl's particular "thing" is if you observe how she interacts with guys. Is it because she has issues with her femininity? Is it because she has secret lesbian tendencies? Is it because she's a total horn-dog?

My guess is that it means that she's got a strong "yang" part of her personality. Some women just relate better to men than other women. This is usually because they got a shot of some hormone while they were in the womb, or maybe they just watched a lot of action movies growing up.

You'll figure it out by observing her in her social interactions...

There is no single answer for why, but there are a few likely possibilities...

Sunday, April 08, 2007

When she asks you trick questions...

I was hoping you could be kind enough to give me the benefit of your insights on a situation I was confronted with recently. I have been seeing this girl for a few weeks now and after a while I invited her over to my house. In the course of our conversation she, out of the blue, said I was just interested in getting into her pants than in true love.

Truth is I really didn't know how to handle it. Please could you advise me on how to defuse this kind of tricky situation. Please.

Yours sincerely,

J.O.______________________CARLOS XUMA'S ADVICE:The key here is to not get caught up in the trap of answering her questions.

When you think you owe her an answer, or you have a tough time coming from a place where you know this answer in your heart, you'll shake her confidence in you because you're not quite there in your own confidence.

When I got questions like this, I would always take some time afterwards to think through my answer for the next time I was asked.

You see, she's not asking you that question for an answer. She just wants to know she can feel safe and confident with you.This is a classical "test" question from a woman. You'll hear it in many different ways.

What she's saying is, "Are you just some guy looking to get quick sex from me, or can I trust you?"

And under that question is this most basic question: "Am I special?"When you can understand a woman's TRUE question, you will no longer be fooled with these tests.

And the faster you can tell her what she's really asking, the faster she will be yours...

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Joke on this...

A lonely widow, aged 70, decided that is was time to get married again. So she put an ad in the local newspaper that read: HUSBAND WANTED: MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's), MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME, AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

Two days later the doorbell rang. She opened the door, and much to her dismay, there sat a gray-haired gentleman in a wheel chair. He had no arms or legs. "Are you responding to my ad?" the woman asked. "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?" "Yes, I am," the man replied.

The old lady sneered: "Just look at you. You have no legs!" The old gentleman smiled and said: "Therefore, I cannot run around on you!" "You don't have any arms, either!" she snorted. Again, the old man smiled, and softly replied: "Therefore, I can never beat you!" She raised an eyebrow and asked intently: "Are you still good in bed?" The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

This one even freaked ME out...

What's up Carlos.

There's this girl I thought I liked at first... I met her one day when me and friend were outside talking. He told me her and her babies daddy aren't doing too well so I decided to approach her. I just went up to her and asked the usual questions talking with her leaving and coming back, but I never asked for her number, I just told her I'd talk to her later sometime.

Now here's the creepy part. About a week or so later she called me!!! I asked her how she got my number and she told me my friend gave it to her. She then told me she was bald-headed (not completely). She cut her hair because her babies daddy said he liked it so she cut it.

She came over my house and suddenly I had second thoughts if I should mess with her. Now she wants to have sex with me and I really don't want to now. I told all my friends how much I wanted some pussy and now she throwing it at me and I don't want!!

So now my friends think I'm scared of pussy. I disagree though. I know it's her appearance that throws me off. The only time I can see myself having sex with her is if I'm drunk off my ass. I don't want to hurt her feelings. What do you think I should do Carlos? Personally I think I should leave her alone. ______________________CARLOS ANSWERS:You’re discovering what most guys eventually figure out: There’s something wrong with a woman who is chasing you. She’s either trying to roll you for money, or sucker you into her world of dysfunction – maybe as a second dad to her kid. An 18 year old girl with a kid and shaves her head for her boyfriend has an agenda, and I'll bet my last dollar it's not a healthy one.

Hey, she could just be a total slut. No matter how you slice it, RUN FOREST, RUN!Your friends are acting like unsophisticated idiots. Don’t let peer pressure create drama for you. Your life is better off without this nonsense. You do what your instincts are telling you to do. Avoid her!

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Where have all the nice girls gone?

Carlos - I bought your course about a year ago and it has moved my inner (and outer) game light years ahead.

In the past few months, however, I have come to be very dissappointed in the personality traits of the "9's" and "10's" (we are talking looks here) I have been seeing. I have opted for just hanging with my friends (male and female). I seem to be happier this way, more comfortable in my skin when I am with my friends.

Am I missing something? Is this a phase? Am I wrong for wanting to duck out of the game for a while, or is this a necessary 'breather"?

Some feedback from the master sure would help.

Thanks, Scott in Louisiana.______________________CARLOS ANSWERS:

I share your disappointment, my friend.

The sad fact is that when you're dealt a great hand in the genetic poker game, you often start to take your situation for granted. Girls who are attractive rarely have to do any real work to gain anyone's approval or favor, so they're automatically assigned high status.

The trick is for us as guys not to become too jaded by this fact, and instead re-define what it is we're looking for.

You see, if you're looking for "completion" from a woman in any way, you're going to be disappointed. SEVERELY.

Women are not an end, but merely another part of a satisfying lifestyle.

We've all become disillusioned at some point, and have had to learn new skills to revive our interest in the "game." One of those skills is BALANCE. You need to feel that you're already fulfilled first, and then proceed to renew the chase.

Something that guys commonly gain from my Secrets of the Alpha Man program is a new perspective on women, which usually leads to greater internal fulfillment and success over the long haul. Just another of the fringe benefits of living a quality Alpha lifestyle, not just chasing tail.

Hang out with your friends for a while. But eventually, that old sexual drive kicks in and you'll need to get back to it.

Trust me, every guy does.

There are quality women out there, but you need to dig a little to find them. That's more reason you need good attraction skills to be the one to do the choosing, not BE chosen.

Monday, April 02, 2007

The problem isn't the question...

It's Philip. I am in a very severe situation right now. About a month ago I sent an email to (another advisor) to give me some tips about how to pick a girl from a disco quickly, because within 3 days I had a disco but....... NO REPLY!! and I used to see these hot chicks at the disco, staring at them without even knowing how to approach them, etc......

I was very angry but then I subscribed to your VERY HELPFUL newsletters and decided to ask you whether you could give me some tips on how to pick girls from a disco/party....... p.s: unfortunately I am a very bad dancer, will that make it impossible for me ???

Wish you could give me a fast reply because I have a disco VERY soon so I would be extremely glad and satisfied if you could help me out.

-P______________________CARLOS ANSWERS:You're going to be surprised at this answer, because at first you're going to stomp your feet and be mad that I didn't seem to answer your question, but I'm actually answering what you really need answered.

Underneath is an answer that is far more important.

Oh, first, understand that guys don't need to dance well. If you just sway back and forth with her, you'll do fine. She's dancing for attention and expression, not to create a music video.

Now, the real problem isn't getting tips on how to pickup girls at a disco/party, or dancing.

The problem is that you're in such a rush and you feel like it's so urgent that you get this "quick", and then when you don't get what you want, you react with anger.

You can go out any night of the week and dance. And even if it were only every other week, you'll have plenty more of these to go to in the future. By thinking that you gotta get help right this second, you're creating something called false urgency. Sometimes false urgency is good, but in most guys it's often very misguided and misplaced. It creates the illusion of scarcity. And you'll understand why this is something for you to take care of in my program.

This is a small example of how a lot of dating advice for men out there is going wrong. They're focused on fast "seduction" rather than correcting the misguided belief systems that guys have created.

Let me say it once - and trust me, I know what I'm talking about here: If you do not address your inner AND outer game issues together, you will still be back here with me working on the inner game later. Only then it will be much harder because you'll have thrown a lot of good advice on top of a bad attitude, and you'll slow your progress down.

You see, if I just gave you "tips," like be a bit more aloof, talk about interesting subjects, etc., you'd just use them with no understanding of the mindset you need to have to apply them correctly.

Giving out "tips" alone is irresponsible. Giving you tips that mesh with an Alpha Attitude is what you need to be a REAL man.