Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Bi, Married and Proud by A.J. Walkley

It’s #BiWeek and today, September 23rd, is
Celebrate Bisexuality Day. As a newly married person, I’ve never been more
proud to proclaim my bisexuality as I am today – and part of that reason is
because regardless of my past and present advocacy, it is all too easy to fall
back into the invisibility of my closeted days.

Well-known to bisexuals, allies and LGBTQ+ community
members, that damn closet is ever-present, sometimes most so for bisexuals who
are in otherwise-seeming relationships, not to mention marriages. Once the ring
is on the finger and the legal documents are signed, for a monogamous bisexual
like me, if I am not loud and proud in my bisexuality, I will be seen as
straight – I will be seen as someone I am not and never have been.

Making the decision to marry my partner last November was
not difficult – they are the person who is always there for me, come hell or high
water; the person who loves me unconditionally; the person who knows how to
calm me down from a panic attack or lift me up from a wave of depression; the
person who can make me laugh harder than just about anyone else. No, saying yes
to their proposal was not difficult; the difficult part is the enduring need to
come out on a daily basis, sometimes multiple times a day, to those who don’t
know yet.

No matter if I’m draped in the bisexual pride flag (most
people outside of the community wouldn’t recognize it anyway), unless I’m
shaking your hand when we meet and identify as bisexual (which can be awkward),
or I come out by describing my activism (which rarely comes up in conversation
fluidly), or tell you what my book Queer
Greer is about, you will assume I’m heterosexual.

There are some family members of mine who assumed that,
since I am a married woman, my activism days were over – they truly didn’t
understand why I needed to be vocal about being bisexual. “It’s not about me,” I have tried to explain, multiple
times. “It’s about the kid I used to be and the kids out there now who don’t
know who they are. The kids who are still being told they’re wrong, that
there’s something wrong with them.
It’s about them.”

It’s about all of the policies that need to reflect bisexuals; it’s about the
staggering statistics of domestic violence and sexual assault against
bisexuals; it’s about the poor health outcomes bisexuals experience; it’s about
the harassment bisexuals receive in school and the workplace; it’s about the
income inequality bisexuals face. There are so many reasons to advocate for my
bisexual peers, I will cry bisexuality and the naturalness, the beauty of it,
until I’m blue in the face and cold in the ground – for them and, truthfully,
for myself, too. Because I am one of them, living in a society and a world that
still discriminates, that continues to condemn.

And as my partner and I think about having children, they
will be born into that society and world as well. I have the responsibility to
teach them who I am, what the bisexual community means, what being LGBTQ+ is; I
have the perspective to give them perspective and, hopefully, shape them into
more empathetic, loving people as a result.

I believe that the haters hate what they don’t understand or
what they see in themselves and cannot fathom. The more the activist community
educates, the more people we can reach who see themselves in us, as well as
those who have simply not had the chance to learn what being bisexual means –
and what it doesn’t mean (let’s get past those negative stereotypes already,
okay?). The wider the vast spectrum of bisexuality and all it entails is
portrayed and advocated for (single bisexuals, polyamorous bisexuals,
monogamous bisexuals, bisexuals of color, trans+ and genderqueer bisexuals…),
the more acceptance can be had.

Community Definition of Bisexuality

“Bisexual - A person whose enduring physical, romantic and/or emotional attraction is to other people of various sexes and/or gender identities. Individuals may experience this attraction in differing ways and degrees over their lifetime.”

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