Pages

Guilt

I'm in a really tricky situation, and I feel really guilty about it. I let it go on too long, and have done a poor job of being direct and asserting my needs. I can't go into details because of confidentiality. But basically I'm in a situation where I have to confront someone about a situation. I've been talking with my therapist about it for a while now, but haven't really dealt with the situation, except maybe touched on it once.

At this point, my therapist has a lot of fuel. She's really protective of me, and anytime anyone does something that could potentially harm me she gets very defensive. She is really pushing me to handle the situation, which I'm doing now, but I'm not comfortable with the way she wants it handled. Mostly because I don't think it's fair, and I don't think it's as big of a deal as my therapist is making it out to be. Yeah, I'm negatively impacted, but I'm responsible for how I react.

I feel so guilty about this whole situation. I want to handle it right, and I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. I'm not very direct, and I'm a people pleaser, and I don't handle confrontation well. I usually avoid it. But now I have to deal with it, and I have my therapist "fighting for my life."

I feel like a huge burden. I feel like I'm asking too much, and that I'm hard to live with because I have these excessive needs. I just feel like such an awful person right now. I always put others ahead of myself, but at the same time I'm extremely selfish for requesting people to cater to my needs. No one else asks as much as I do. I just feel guilty, selfish, awful, and like I'm a terrible person to live with. I want to think that I'm being too hard on myself, but people are too nice to me and for what reason? I'm needy, I hate being that way, and I try not to be.

Anyways, if you pray, pray that I handle this well, and that I say the right things, and that no one gets hurt emotionally.

~~~

Anyways, here is my day in a nutshell

﻿﻿﻿

x3. Yes, I'm an addict.

Feelings towards school

﻿

Volunteering at the hospital

﻿

Still at the hospital - wiped these each individually

﻿

Goal in life:

﻿

Pumpkin Blizzard! Must do by the end of October. Challenge? Accepted.﻿