How Married Men Mess Up Their Lives

My Top 10 List

1) They stay married even after it becomes clear that they should not. The longer you stay married to a person you don't want to be married to, the longer you are not enjoying your life. The longer it will take to rebuild your life.

2) They ignore their kids. You have to be actively engaged with them. You should be able to look at them and tell if they are sick. You have to study them, know their likes and dislikes, who their friends are, what they are good at and what they aren't. This becomes even more important as they grow older. You want to be able to tell by looking at them if they have been doing something they shouldn't have. You want them to be able to tell you anything. I know this is hard. You don't want to hear about sex, drugs and rock and roll. But you must. You have gone through all this yourself. You need to be able to help guide them, protect them and also let them be. You have to trust them also to make their own mistakes and come to their own conclusions.

3) They live through their children. Your life is what matters. You care for your children and try to the best you can for them. You protect them. You love them. You feed them. You house them. You clothe them. You give them opportunities. You treat them with love, affection, respect, kindness and decency. That is your job. Pushing them to excel in something is not right. You can help them, of coures. Get them to practice and games on time. Make sure they are well rested, healthy, eating well, getting their homework done. But what I mean is doing for them and being their motivation. It makes no sense to force your children to become what you want. If you want something, you do it. It seems that parents play out their fantasies with their children. I know sometimes this works like Tiger Woods and others like that. But wouldn't you rather spend your life doing what you want? Isn't that a better, healthier way to live?

4) They spend too much money trying to please their wives. I did this. But no amount of money will satisfy a person who cannot be satisfied. The house is never big enough or nice enough. The clothes are never expensive enough. The car is never right. If your wife is not satisfied just being with you and appreciating you for you, what is the point? Where is the love? Is it possible that she does not really love you at all? Maybe she only loved the idea of getting married and having someone to take care of her.

5) They play dumb. You are playing dumb when you suspect your wife is cheating on you and you do nothing. You play dumb when your wife spends too much of your money on things that do not help your family or don't make sense. You play dumb when you let her make all the decisions. You play dumb when she gossips too much. You play dumb when she decides what you should be doing and where you should be going. You play dumb when she talks too much. The more you play dumb about these family matters, the dumber you become.

6) They do whatever their wives want. I am not saying that you never do what your wife wants. I am saying that if you do things that your wife wants that you do not want to do at all, you will resent it and her. You will grow out of love with her.

7) They let themselves go. You know this is so true. After a while being married, you will be pale, flabby, weak, fat and not dressed well. Just look around. This was me. When I was single I was tan, healthy, well rested, lean, muscular and looking good. After being married a few years, I was pale, fat, exhausted, getting sick frequently and I was wearing ugly clothes. This happens partially because your wife does not want you to look good to other women. But it also happens because your life revolves around your wife and her demands. You will be working a lot more. You will not have time to exercise. Your only exercise will be working around the house on some ridiculous task or running errands for her. You will not get in the sun because you rarely get home before dark, you have to stay inside all weekend working on the house and your wife believes all the nonsense about the sun. You wear stupid clothes your wife buys you instead of the cool clothes you would pick. She spends all the money you make, so there is none left over for you to get something decent and you are stuck buying inexpensive clothing that does not look good.

8) They believe the lies about marriage being forever. Marriage is nothing more than an arrangement that is supposed to be good for both people. Once it is not good for one person or the other, it must end.

9) They think that things will get better with inaction. You know all what I have said is true. You cannot stay married to a woman when you don't want to anymore. Your life will not be good. It will suck. You have to act.
You have to end it.

10) They think that other people matter more than they do. This is the root cause of all our trouble. It is the reason people get into terrible situations and make no effort to get out. Once you are at the point where you can see that your life is not moving in the direction you want it to go, you stop moving in that direction and start moving in the direction you want to go. This may take some time to figure out what it is. You have to take that time to think about it. You have to think about your life as if it was the most important thing in the world to you. More important than watching sports and your favorite shows. More important than your job. And more important than any of the people in your life. Once you think other people are more important than you are, you are sunk. You will never do anything you want to do. Your life will be spent on an endless, miserable treadmill of doing for others and trying to satisfy their needs. Your needs are what matters to you.

Hans Recommends

How to Leave Your Wife
The book is my story of how I found the courage to leave my wife and get on with my life. Now that I have left my life has never been better. My kids have never been happier and more at peace.