Post Calendar:

To Pamela: An Apology

Posted on Friday 08/25/2017 07:36:57

I have a number of things in this life I regret, and I propose to resolve three of them in this post.

1. I would like to apologise to Pamela for my laughing response when she said that she stood like this when in public:

...a pose which I had likened to that which would be adopted by a prostitute.

2. When, in January, I’d received her Secret Santa Christmas present – a tee shirt from Flagstaff – I’d explained that I’d never worn a tee shirt in my life, as someone of my scrawny build would invite ridicule in doing so. I would now like to rectify that.

3. I want to publicly admit that it is considerably more difficult than I had thought to stand like a prostitute (or as I had naively believed a prostitute would stand). There is evidently more to it than merely standing with one’s legs apart and placing one hand on one’s genitals.

I hope she accepts my humble apology when she sees this photograph.

08-25-17 05:02:19lunamor Says:

OMG This just made my day. MY WHOLE DAY. Maybe my whole week. I love you so much, Simon!!!

08-25-17 05:11:35kittenheel Says:

Ditto! That is awesome!

08-25-17 05:46:10CaptainMando Says:

Is it just me or is it also wild to see Simon in jeans? In my mind, Simon is always wearing slacks and a sweater.

08-25-17 05:52:12lunamor Says:

I dunno, but the cleanliness of that fireplace/hearth makes me feel like the world's biggest slob.

08-25-17 05:53:19Simon Says:

As a matter of fact I’ve not worn anything but jeans since I left school*. I cannot imagine wearing these garments men call ‘slacks’. It’s tee-shirts I avoid, for reasons that will be obvious. Sweaters are a different matter. I wear at least one almost all the year round.

* By which I mean ‘nothing covering the region from my hips to my ankles’ for those purists among you.

08-25-17 06:55:25blackbird Says:

I love you so much, Simon! Of course I accept your apology. I'm so glad you've learned your lesson.

Now I think I'll go enjoy some Bigfoot BBQ.

08-25-17 06:56:58Fritz The Bootlegger Says:

Simon, can you pull off the Angelina Jolie 2012 Oscars Stance?

/homepage

08-25-17 06:58:51Fritz The Bootlegger Says:

And this is how I imagine Simon:

Man, can you imagine ANY American wearing a tie while hunting? /homepage

08-25-17 07:05:14Bulldog Says:

I found the crotch grab a little disturbing, I must say......

08-25-17 07:14:00lunamor Says:

It was nothing short of entertaining! Simon really loves us.

08-25-17 07:17:30Simon Says:

That’s just because you feel insecure about your own sexuality, BD. You should learn to embrace it!

And Steve, the first is, regrettably, impossible. I promised her that I would never wear her dresses again, after that unfortunate incident involving Brad Pitt, and which led to their divorce.

The second is closer. The flat cap at least – very much the badge of the working man in the north of England. The suit is more... well, suited to Lerm, I would say. The shotgun too, probably. I do not move in such circles.

08-25-17 07:22:36Bulldog Says:

Simon, that is a comment I would have expected from Steve but not you.

I had to look up "probity." This being KCL, I'm not surprised I hadn't read it here before.

08-25-17 07:36:09Fritz The Bootlegger Says:

BD, Simon is 100% correct. Masturbatory and homoerotic imagery isn't going to rub off on you, no matter what the Baptist Church might tell you.

08-25-17 07:39:22lunamor Says:

Yeah, just look at me: I like a little gay porn here and there and I have yet to grow a penis.

08-25-17 07:40:13Simon Says:

Jess, probity is one of those words that begs to be used – at least on a site like KCL. Anything involving probes or probing does.

(Apologies to all, by the way, for the way my post keeps rising up. I keep spotting embarrassing mistakes and correcting them; the way KCL works means that an edited post automatically behaves like a new one.)

08-25-17 07:45:17Bulldog Says:

I just realized that I am reading Simon's comments in my head with an English accent.

08-25-17 07:56:39Simon Says:

As you should, BD, as you should!

08-25-17 07:57:13Fritz The Bootlegger Says:

It would only be weird if you read mine with an English accent.

08-25-17 08:02:04Simon Says:

Oddly enough, I read everyone’s comments as if they were made in an English accent. I never thought about it until now.

One of my cyber-daughters was recently trying to explain to me what a New York Jewish accent was. It finally clicked when I said ‘Like Miracle Max in The Princess Bride?’ – which was apparently the correct answer. Normally all these different accents are a hopeless blur to me.

08-25-17 08:49:19H3OsMama Says:

I just wandered in here, Simon, and..you made my day! I adore you!

08-25-17 09:02:14Simon Says:

Of course you do. Everyone does. Except Steve, of course. It’s on an entirely different level with Steve. But we don’t like to talk about our relationship. It’s difficult for a woman to understand. It’s... special.

08-25-17 09:17:58kittenheel Says:

I wore yoga pants today and went around feeling like I forgot to get out of pajamas. If anyone cares, here's my ass:

I love my new office, but the lighting for selfies sucks. /homepage

08-25-17 09:26:35lunamor Says:

*wolf whistle @ Mary*

08-25-17 09:32:51Simon Says:

I hope my comments box isn’t going to become a travesty. It’s something that happens all too often on KCL, I can’t help but notice.

08-25-17 09:35:41lunamor Says:

Says the dude leaving improbably proportioned women in MINE. LOLOL.

God, I love you, Simon.

08-25-17 09:59:15Nightbreed Says:

This photo made my day, you Beautiful Man!

But I can't help but see that free hand (the one that isn't covering your genitals) either stroking your right nipple or holding a snifter of grape juice (in lieu of port). I can't decide which I'd prefer. (#^.^#)

08-26-17 05:01:29Simon Says:

I believe I was caressing my right nipple at the time. I hope no one is going to judge me for that. Or maybe they should? I feel I’m long overdue to be granted honorary citizenship of Whore Island, if I may appeal to the queen and the prime minister of that noble institution.

08-26-17 05:01:57Fritz The Bootlegger Says:

Hey Mary. How YOU doin'?

08-26-17 06:41:34silverwraith Says:

I'm oddly aroused. Keep up the good work.

08-26-17 07:05:56lunamor Says:

I think "oddly aroused" is the theme of KCL lately!

08-26-17 07:43:28Simon Says:

I am only doing my duty. I felt that people on KCL had started to become too serious of late, and that a little levity was needed. If I have also caused any female KCL members to become inflamed with lust, I must apologise.

08-26-17 08:05:39lunamor Says:

It's a noble duty.

*I can't help but giggle when I think of hearing that out loud. Like, did a king just take a shit?*

08-26-17 08:35:44Simon Says:

*gasps at Jess’s ignorance*

That would be a royal duty. A noble is an aristocrat who is granted a title by a monarch, or the descendents of that aristocrat who have inherited the title, not a member of the royalty himself.

08-26-17 09:08:50lunamor Says:

Whatevs. They're all a bunch of inbreeders who don't deserve such linguistic precision.

Um, so I've heard.

08-26-17 09:54:47Simon Says:

I could not have expressed their lack of genetic diversity so eloquently myself.

08-26-17 10:03:13fakebrunette Says:

I got slightly transfixed by the freesias and wondered how in late summer

08-26-17 10:37:00Simon Says:

Lesley, I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but they are artificial. No living flower would survive for long in my house. Congratulations on identifying them as freesias though.

The flower vase is a gift to my mother from my sister, while the Grecian vase on the left is from my brother, which he bought while visiting Pompeii, and is a replica of one of those found in the remains of the city.

08-26-17 10:48:52fakebrunette Says:

Gasp

08-30-17 11:00:55blackbird Says:

Now I want to see the rest of your house, Simon.

08-30-17 09:59:27snow Says:

Late to this party, but haven't laughed in over a week and this did it for me. Thank you!

09-01-17 03:25:06antic Says:

"Masturbatory and homoerotic imagery isn't going to rub off on you" - gold!

09-03-17 07:18:41Simon Says:

Pamela, the reason I took the photo here is because it’s the only presentable place in the house. Domestic cleaning is a job for the servant class, as I’m sure Lerm would tell you.

09-06-17 11:57:58blackbird Says:

No wonder my house is always a mess.

09-06-17 12:37:22lunamor Says:

I really kinda want to frame that pic of Simon and put it up somewhere in my house. Is that weird?