Archive for fabio

Fabio passes the eye test. He’s ripped and he’s seemingly pissed at all times, unless you’re a cougar wearing stonewash jeans and a ripped Def Leopard half shirt-then he’s as nice as can be. He loses points for his long locks, for punching George Clooney and for general douchbaggery. If the Army of Awesomeness was a romantic novel or a new modeling service then Fabio would be a shoe-in. But the war against shit heads and p-bags is a constant battle. Only those who truly embody awesomeness are fit to fight, and while the AOA believes in redemption, Fabio is too much of a risk because he’s already dug a serious homo hole in the ground and no ladder is long enough to pull his buttery guineas ass out. Not to mention, he doesn’t grow body hair because he is a nair whore. No Ritual Shaving Kit for you!

SALUTATIONS.

Ritual Men's Grooming is tired of all the whiny, wimpy, nonsense that's infiltrated our minds and dexterity. It's like we've all surrendered to a matrix made of mouse shit. Sho-nuff! It's time for us to recruit an Army of Awesomeness. A team of grit and brawn that will build towers and defeat all forms of sucktitude and pussification. They will come in all shapes and sizes of awesome. They will dedicate their time on earth and other galactic planets to saving us by strengthening our thoughts and infusing power in our posture. Without worry, they will ... Shave The Day.
If you think there's somebody we should recruit to the Metal and Brawn Army of Awesomeness, please email us a mighty message from your pudgy yet thorough fingers to theguys@yourritual.com. We'll put them to the test of Awesome to see if they got what it takes. Godspeed.