It's hard to snark about this most recent episode of "Jon & Kate Plus 8," because honestly, the couple just seems so unhappy, both about their marriage and about having to talk to the cameras about their marriage.

Rumors are swirling about Jon and Kate Gosselin's marriage. Is it over? Or is this just the stuff of reality TV? It's hard to know what's true, but it's even harder to look away.

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Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you had one more child? How about two more? How about SIX more?

Four years ago, Jon and Kate Gosselin went from being parents of two to parents of eight, and their lives have never been the same.

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Today we all have a window into that life on TLC's Jon and Kate Plus 8. And of course, part of peeking into someone else's life is hypothesizing how we might do things differently or better, because it's always easy to imagine what you would do in someone else's shoes.

What is harder to imagine is what it would really be like to walk in those other shoes -- what's it like to wake up every morning and be Kate Gosselin? ParentDish had a chance to ask her just that recently.

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In a normal week, the Gosselins have a television crew in their house about half the time, which is a lot, if you think about it. And while they will occasionally opt out of filming specific moments with their kids, the Gosselins have no editorial control over the show -- what you see is what you get, packaged by a team of folks at Discovery and TLC. But, Kate says, this is reality TV, and it accurately reflects life at the Gosselin house; nothing is pre-planned or made up. "We don't have time to memorize scripts," she jokes.

I believe that.

"We set out to show the truth," Kate says, "I couldn't watch it if it weren't true." What you see, in every televised moment, is precisely what is happening -- no stage directions or do-overs. This is life at the Gosselin house.

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Kate Gosselin has gotten quite a bit of flak, both from the media and from viewers, for the way she treats her husband; the two are often shown bickering during the show. Kate says the criticisms don't bother her; she doesn't Google herself or make a practice of reading about herself on or off line. "Everyone has an opinion," she says, "and I'm only paying attention to my own." But she does admit that the way the show is edited affects how people see her family and her marriage. "If Jon and I have three spats over a two day period, they're going to edit it to make it look like those happened in the 22 minute period." The show is just a small slice of her family's life, after all.

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Kate is clearly focused not on what goes on outside her family but on her children. Her goal, she says, is to treat each child like an only child -- a hard thing to do when you're the mom of eight. "I hold myself to a very high standard," she says. At the same time, though, she's not trying to be perfect, or even to appear perfect to viewers of the show. She's just living her life.

And yes, she's living it with television cameras in her house, but it's still her real life. Kate says that while the experience of being on television has changed her life, it hasn't changed who she is. She says the same about having eight children -- "It's hard to live through what we have lived through and not change. We are the same -- it's how people treat us" that is different.

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One of the hardest things about her family, Kate says, is the noise; there are days when the older girls, Cara and Mady, come home from school and their reports about what they have done are drowned out by the noise of the sextuplets. More than anything, she says, she longs for peace and quiet -- otherwise, she would not change a thing about her life.

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Kate finds the humor in her life -- recently, she partnered with P&G to help promote some of their brands, including Bounty paper towels, which she refers to as "my weapon of choice." She also laughs about the end of nap time at the Gosselin house; the sextuplets are four now and no one, Kate says, naps any more. But it's a rare night that the family gets through dinner without someone dozing off at the table. Recently, Jon said, "I think we can kiss goodbye ever having a family dinner again." A good night, Kate said, is when the kids push their plates out of the way before they fall asleep.

You have to laugh about that, and Kate Gosselin does.

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The Gosselins have a strong faith in God; they are often seen on the show wearing t-shirts with scripture on them and attending church. But despite the fact that the show doesn't highlight their faith, the Gosselins see it as an opportunity to share what they believe. Their website, The Gosselin 10, includes prayers and devotionals, and Jon and Kate travel around speaking to various churches and groups about their life and faith. The show, Kate says, has given them this opportunity to share what they believe.

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And for the Gosselins, being on television is about opportunity, not fame. The show has opened a variety of doors for them; Kate and Jon both work from home, which makes their life as parnents of eight more manageable. But it's not easy by any means -- there are days, Kate says, when she and Jon work until midnight.

Kate has three pieces of advice for other parents. "Every morning, before my feet hit the floor," she says, "I pray for strength, just enough to get through that day." She reminds parents that a sense of humor can get you through nearly everything -- laugh, she says, don't cry. And finally, the most important lesson of all: "Always remember that bedtime comes, every single day."

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The original episode, the one scheduled to run tonight, followed the delivery of a set of playhouses for the kids. Of course, these aren't any old playhouses; they're "crooked houses," specially designed to look like they were built by children. The Gosselins take delivery of four of the houses, one for each of the twins, and two for the little kids to share (one for the girls and one for the boys). The houses are darling and the kids love them. But before the happy playtime starts, Jon and Kate have to get through the delivery and assembly. No, they don't manage this themselves; a team arrives with the houses and takes care of building them. But there's a disagreement about where they houses will go, which should be one of those simple, straightforward things but isn't, because nothing is simple or straightforward any more.

In the second half hour, the one created to house the Gosselin's big announcement, Jon and Kate confront the cameras and the rumors. "So Jon," an off camera voice asks, "how's it goin'?"

"It's been so stressful," Gosselin says, frowning. "I mean, thank God we have the show, so we can tell what we want to tell. People just tell what they want anyway."

"This is the hardest episode ever," Jon says. "I'm two hours late to shoot cause I had reservations about doing it, cause I didn't know what to say ... We have soldiers over in Iraq dying for our country and all these people care about is like, what I eat for lunch."

Throughout the interview, Jon seems defiant, announcing, "I finally stood up on my own two feet and I'm proud of myself." Kate, on the other hand, seems more fragile than we have ever seen her; she sits in the very center of the interview chair, with her hands folded in her lap, carefully choosing every single word. She is clearly more unsettled by this turn of events than Jon is, more devastated by their inability to make this work out. Kate describes the failure of her marriage as a "slow progression," saying, "We've been dealing a long time with this." But even having a long time to deal with it hasn't made it any easier for her, clearly.

It's clear in their delivery: When the off-camera producer asks Jon to speak to what comes next, he takes a breath to collect himself and then quickly announces, "Kate and I have decided to separate," without any hesitation. Kate, on the other hand, stumbles: "We, ah, have ... decided, um, that we will separate ..."

And then comes the nitty gritty of custody: The children will continue to live, full time, in the house; Kate and Jon will take turns living in the house with the kids. And the show? The show will continue, with crews filming the couple separately with the children, in the same way that they will now live their lives with the children. Both Jon and Kate seem a little stunned by the idea that they will not be with their kids every day, which is perhaps the most wrenching part -- not just for the Gosselins but for every couple who goes through a separation or divorce. Kate admits that she is worried by the fact that her kids will look back and say, "My parents split up when I was, fill in the blank age." She also confesses, "I don't want to do this alone."

Jon is looking forward, though. "I might get offered a job," he says when he's asked about how the filming schedule will work going forward. "I have a new chapter in my life, I'm only 32 years old," he says.

And if you're not already weepy at the thought of those cute cute kids facing a divorce, TLC gets you with footage from times when the Gosselins were a happy family. Because nothing is worse when you're looking at a difficult future than looking back at the happy past.

In the end, Jon and Kate just seem like normal people facing a divorce. They both talk, sincerely, about how this will affect the kids, and they both seem to understand that this will be wrenching for them; they also both appear to have their priorities straight as they move forward. There's been a lot of buzz lately about how the Gosselins had lost whatever it was that viewers identified with -- Kate's soccer mom look, Jon's fun daddy demeanor -- but now they seem to have recaptured something that far too many of us will confront in our marriages and our lives as parents.

We're so sorry that the Gosselins are divorcing; we're sorry they didn't make it.

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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 3)

I watched the show in passing, one of those no other thing to watch sort of situations and yes, I agree Kateed was tough on Jon, but he was also an inabler and deserves the blame as well. It takes two people to fail and it is not anyone's fault, yes Kate belittled him, but he was the one caught with other women. Lets all just remember that there are 8 children in Pennsylvania right now whose lives are never going to be the same, who will have hours and hours of film of their parents together and it will be a distant memory and for that I am truly sorry.

What unnerved me about tonight's episode was that Jon said he was "excited" about the future, as the child of divorce let me assure everyone that it is NOT exciting, even if you are relieved that it is over, even if you are better off, you don't go on national tv and say you are excited...how do you think the children will feel when they hear their father say that one day....

I agree with your comments. I was shocked at how "coy" Jon was--this whole process has made me see him for what he actually is. . ."immature". Maybe now people will have some insight as to why Kate treated him the way she did on previous shows. I don't condone the tone she used, however, I myself would have probably treated him like a child too. His choice of clothing, earrings, smoking, etc. Grow up Jon--you made choices in life that got you to this point. You have MAJOR responsibilities now--I am sorry that you are only 32, but to be "proud" that you stood up to your wife and did some of the things that you have done? Why now? You look very immature and irresponsible. "Excited" about the future? Wow. Your poor children. Kate and family--you are in my prayers.

All of you guys are wrong. She made her bed that is why she feels so awful she was a b** no women deserves this but if a woman sits there and believes a man will deal with whatever you are wrong what one girl wont do (even as simple as respect) another girl will. She is fine she will learn from this and he will to. My ex husband left me for another girl and its the best thing to ever happen to me i was belittled and put down and bossed around, now i get treated with so much respect its hard for me to deal with only because I dealt with negativity for so long. Kate get over yourself be a woman put your head up and learn from this as well as be a better woman, jon good luck with the future and both of you remember their are innocent unbias lives involved.

I agree with you 100%, I always liked John and thought that Kate was a little controlling and aggressive with him. But after he said that he was excited I lost all respect for him. He seems like he has moved on already and not willing to put forth any effort to save his marriage. I thought that they should at least try to reconnect and spend somew quality time together and go to counseling. I believe that they were happier befroe the money and the fame.

The thing that happened to jon and kate is that kate became more like jon's mother, than his wife. No marriage can survive if the wife is ordering her husband around like a child. Men are so willing to let this happen, I nearly fell into the cycle myself.

My husband had issues with stinky feet. It was rather rancid, and I began telling him to shower when he got home. He would comply with my request, when I made the request, but when I didn't he would just flop those stinkers down all over the place. It made me so angry. So, I sat him down and told him that I did not find this particularly attractive, and that it was far to difficult to become intimate when I felt like his mother...

Needless to say, we still struggle with this problem, it's gotten a lot bigger, and I don't understand why he won't take better care of himself, because I am not touching anything that stinks. I also see a lot of what is happening to jon and kate in what has happened to me. She became his mother, and he let her. Now he's mad...

I have watched the show since the beginning and I never thought that they would end up divorced. You could see the pain on Kate's face and the hurt she is feeling about the whole situation. Jon is very immature just by watching the lack of emotion on his face and the tone in voice. Sure Kate was hard on him and told him what to do, but that is what you have to do with someone that would rather play all day than work. I feel sorry that the kids have to watch their parents split up. It is going to be very difficult to watch the show now knowing that Jon would rather be by himself that with his family. The choices that he made by going out partying with young girls have come back to bite him. He should have grown up along with his kids and become a parent. Kate seems like the one that is mature and wants to work to support her family.

All I could see last night was two adults saying, "It's all about the kids; I'll do anything for the kids." Yeah, anything but make an effort to get along with your spouse. Marriage isn't easy for anyone all the time. They are both to blame, mostly because they were willing to stop trying. And the ones they hurt are still camera-ready--for now.

The show last night was hard to watch. You could see the pain on Kate's face and hurt in her voice, but Jon seemed not to care that his marriage is over. Sure Kate was hard on him and told him what to do, but that is what you have to do when your husband is an immature child and refuses to grow up and be a parent. It seemed to me that Kate was willing to talk and clear things up but Jon wanted NO part of it. She even said that when she tried to talk to him about things to help the marriage he didn't want to talk. I feel sorry for the kids that their parents are divorcing. Jon made some really bad choices to party with young girls and should have thought about how it was going to effect his marriage.

I love how everyone is spouting the "it takes two to kill a marriage - they're both at fault". But folks, we're turning a blind eye, here.

This was not a marriage between *two* people - your marriage is between you and your spouse, as is mine. This marriage is not, and has not been since the Gosselin's signed that contract with TLC. They let a third party into their marriage.

If TLC *really* cared about the Gosselin's marriage, they would have offered, at the first sign of trouble, marriage counseling at the very least. Probably the thing that would have saved this marriage - or at least given it a fighting chance - would have been for TLC to cancel the contract. And they wouldn't have looked bad, either. They could have spun it easily - "We've been with the Gosselins for xx years, and now it's time to move on to another family! Meet the OctoMom!!" Or whatever. But instead, they saw controversy and tears and drama, and that equals big ratings and big bucks in TV World, so they ramped up the publicity, and sent photogs after both Jon and Kate (really, you think nobody tips these people off?).

Yeah, Jon and Kate have their own problems, but it seems to me that the biggest one was TLC and the inability to stop this train they were on. If it were you, and you were on a runaway freight train, wouldn't YOU hit the brake? But they were on that train, and weren't allowed to hit the brake, because that would have meant breaking the contract with TLC, and losing all that money...and probably a lawsuit, to boot.

Don't let the TV industry off the hook. As I see it, they're as guilty as anyone.

I totally agree with Amy .. Jon seemed immature in his response. Kate treated him like one of the children which was wrong but now he is behaving like a stubborn toddler who gains power by refusing to eat. Where is the discussion about counselling here? How important are the children when you won't even fight for your marriage ??? Those kids will grow up and leave home one day (hopefully), they cannot be the only focus, the marriage should be. They are both self-absorbed and need a third party to bring a sober minded view to this picture. How about the rabbi that does a great job on the show that fixes marriages .... that's who they needed not Emeril.

i agree with everyone on every point its hars for both of them the kids but jon is acting like hes five he said i need to do for me and my kids well my kids i think realy he is putting himself first in all of this thats not fair to kate or mainly the kids

I always felt sorry for Jon until this episode. He actually seemed hapay that at 32,he was starting a new life. What about his old life and the 8 children he helped create? And did you see those new earings??? T too am divorced and raised 4 children practically alone. It is not an easy job.

Kate made the comment "The show must go on". Of course it must, she couldn't possibly do without frequent visits to the salon, etc, etc.Sorry, I see her as an arrogant, controlling, money-hungry shrew, who's given Jon a rough time along the way. Better they go their own ways so he can stay out of her way while enjoying his kids without them getting stressed by tension, sniping, etc.

Yeah, I used to think she was pretty rough on him too...but quite frankly the lazy attitude that used to seem to be for show and was somewhat endearing, has over the years (and certainly the last few months) shown his true colors...If my husband never did anything UNLESS I told him too, I would get frustrated and complain also...after awhile she treated him like a kid because he acted like one. At any rate, none of that is an excuse to behave like an immature, selfish irresponsible parent...32 yr old married men and father of 8 do NOT go out to bars with co-eds and go on TV to announce how "excited" they are to begin their "new" life! Bizarre! His excitement and new life are at the expense of 8 young kids who will now be struggling to understand how to adjust to their "new" life--somehow, I doubt there is gonna be much excitement for them....

It such a shame that Kate and Jon have decided to separate-- as theystated " for the sake of their kids". That's illogical andcontradictory. I don't think divorce is ever best for the kids unless domestic violence is involved. I wish the station has just let them walk away or take a break so that they can do something to save their marriage or at least be in counseling to resolve their years of miscommunication. Or least Kate & Jon should perhaps stand their ground and forget about the $70,000 per episode to salvage what is left of their marriage. Poor kids, I feel very sorry that the whole world is watching their family falls apart. ------------------------

Ticks me off that Kate says, "the show must go on..." More camera time is the last thing those kids need during such a difficult time! And don't give me the "gotta support the family" bull. No one forced you to buy the million dollar house and land. Practice what you preach, Kate. Be frugal. Save your money and be there for your kids during this trying time!

Yeah, I agree with most people here....Kate looked like hell and you could tell she wanted to cry, but wouldn't....Jon looked happy and carefree, he was actually glowing (make-up, maybe, idk)....and then he says he's "excited" about this "new chapter" in his life? WTF is that about? You're excited that your marriage is falling apart and that you won't get to see your beautiful children every single day? WOW....grow up, Jon, you have (or should I say HAD) EVERYTHING that most people only dream of. Yes, Kate yelled at him and bossed him around sometimes, but what do you expect her to do when her husband is an immature little kid that can't grow up and has indefinite "Peter Pan" syndrome?

What a little bastard....I was trying to see things from his point of view, I really was....but I couldn't stick my head that far up my @$$!

TheTalkies

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