How would you react if this happened to your child?

America3437 - posted on 11/30/2012
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So, I have three teens and one is diabled at the moment and needs help getting to class of a morning. They are tardy at times due to her being a little slower than others as she is on crutches and has been for over a year now. My problem is this....

My 15 yr old got detention for tardies but the other two didn't have as many so I called the school to check on this issue and next thing I know my 18 yr old text me and asked what I said to office because he just got confronted by his first peorid teacher about his tardies. She told him she would start counting him tardy and wanted to know if he even lived in a house? WTF? She said this infront of the entire class and totally embaressed my son. Now for the record we live in a two story cabin that is only about 12 yrs old and built by the school as a shop project so we've been told. It is a beautiful house with hand made suspended stair case and 5 acres of land. I immediatly called to speak to her and the principal and should receive a call back this afternoon. So my question is how should I handle this because what I really want to do I would probably go to jail for so I need to know if I am over reacting or how you may handle this?

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Denikka - posted on 11/30/2012

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Stay calm and figure out what exactly you want to say.

Make it clear that the teacher saying what she did was unacceptable and if she needs to talk to your son again, especially about his personal life, in any way shape or form, she should do it privately and not in front of the other students.

That's really the main issue I see here. I would suggest that your daughter start a little earlier in the mornings if she knows she moves a bit slower. That way the tardies won't be as much of an issue.

But really, the teacher was out of line.

I know how it is. I left school in my grade 10 year because I was having a lot of issues with other kids, teachers, depression...a whole lot of things kinda exploded at once. I had to get all of my teachers to sign a slip that acknowledged that they knew I was leaving. One of the teachers, in front of her class (not the class I had been in, but I knew people in that class), asked me if I was leaving because I was having a baby, and then she touched my stomach. I've always been a bigger girl and carry it mostly around my middle, so it's a sensitive thing for me anyways. I was really too shocked to do anything at that point, except pull back and so *no, I'm just fat*.

Had I gotten over my shock quick enough, I would have gone straight to the principal and had her drawn and quartered (it was the last, for me, in a long line of stupidity on her part).

The point being, some people, some teachers, say things without thinking about where they are or who they're in front of. Stay calm, but she needs to be called out and told that it's unacceptable to question a child's home life in front of their peers. Just stay calm and don't come across as *that* raving lunatic mom :)

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What the teacher said was out of line I definitely think you should talk to the principal about that. The detention though your kid was late and it doesn't matter why you know that your disabled child takes longer in the morning so maybe you should start the getting ready process earlier. I really don't think it's right to ask for an exception here and it's not fair to the other students in the class. I know dealing with detention sucks but they have to follow the rules too.

I think I would explain that my message must have been misunderstood. I would then explain the situation with the disability and the other kids helping the slower one, and why I asked about the detention.

Then I would explain the message I got from my 18 year old, and ask what happened. If the story is confirmed I would definitely say the teacher's behavior was unprofessional. I would then report it to the principal, and would write a letter and send it to the School Board. If on the other hand the teacher has a different story, I would explain how my teen perceived the confrontation, and that he was humiliated. I would ask that the teacher NOT confront my child in a public setting, but rather talk in private to him.

No matter how the teacher perceived the message - if any mention of living conditions were brought up, then that is wrong and should never happen.

It sounds as though your message got misconstrued in the line of communication - I'd be questioning how that happened as well.

Write to the school asking them to investigate, that way you have a written record of events. If you speak to a member of staff write an email confirming what was said for the same reason.

If you are not happy with what thge principal says go to whoever is above them. In England this would be the governing body but don't know about American schools.

However tempting it may be do not go to school and have a row with the teacher as this will only embarass your children and you will lose credibility with the school authority, you may even get banned from entering school property.