Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Bringing Out the Inner Bad Girl

Most of the time I am content with my simple law abiding life. I walk to work. I respect my elders. I save kittens from trees and don't cheat on my taxes. I always tip and replace the toilet paper roll when it's empty.

But sometimes life just sucks and you wanna scream expletives in the middle of the street and block 4th Ave traffic all the way to the westside. You want to sleep all day instead of going to work, rock and roll all night and party every day (until the money runs out at least). You want to chain smoke and drink and get in a fight with anyone who looks at you wrong, to sneak out your window at one in the morning even though you haven't lived with your parents for years. You want to steal a car or a motorcycle and drive alone to Los Angeles and never come back.

This is how I feel this week.

Mercury is in retrograde until tomorrow and I suspect many of us are feeling that way right now. I think we as Shop Girls have made it clear that sometimes a little hedonism goes a long way. We all get tired of feeling like we're being walked all over from time to time and you need to show the world who's boss. Dear Readers, it's time to bring out the inner Bad Girl.

**DISCLAIMER: Everything I'm gonna suggest is perfectly legal, assuming you are not underage or stupid. I'm not saying you should ACTUALLY steal a car or anything that would really get you in trouble. Shop Girls take absolutely no responsibility for any mess you may get yourself into. Use your head. You may not call us from jail**

Bringing Out Your Inner Bad Girl and Blowing Off Steam

If you are feeling aggro, there are plenty of ways to release that destructive energy without harming anyone else. Suggestions:

-Go to the Free Wall behind the Capitol Theater and spray paint to your heart's content. It's completely legal and that wall has years of paint on it. It feels more badass to dress like a burglar and go at night, but if you choose to go that route bring some friends and pepper spray with you because shady things can happen in dark alleys. Day time is safer but do what you want. Remind the world that DISCO SUCKS.

-Pick a friend, and a social setting where there's a chance of chatting up someone you don't know. Meet people and introduce yourselves using fake names. Give them totally false life stories and do your best to keep a straight face. Laugh your head off when you see the missed connection for "Tiffany and Shelby, the recently transplanted twin Kabuki dancers". Bonus points if you wear a wig.

-Re-embrace the immature hilarity of practical jokes. No one ever died from chasing a five dollar bill tied to a fishing wire and if you've never pissed anyone off you're not living any kind of a life.

-Pretend you're sick, call into work and take a personal adventure day. Dress up like a fancy lady, take a bus to the nearest major city and have an expensive cocktail in the middle of the afternoon. Or just sit at home with your cat and have a Rock of Love marathon. They can live without you for a day.

-Go through your old yearbooks and draw devil horns and mustaches on everyone who was rude to you. Then look them up on Facebook and see what they're up to now. Chances are, karma struck.

-Be sassy. Tell the ogling dude to stop being gross. Flip off the motorist that cut you off. Call your bank's national headquarters and scream your head off about the unfair charges you were just gonna live with. Just make sure you don't take any angst out on someone that doesn't deserve it.

-Stick your gum under the table at Denny's. Yeah it's gross and immature, but again, no one's gonna die.

-Download your favorite albums from when you were an angsty teen and play them LOUD. Wake up your roommates blasting Marilyn Manson and ignore their passive aggressive texts. Apologize later.

-Get some badass temporary tattoos from the grocery store vending machine and cover your neck in them. Growl at anyone who spends a little too much time staring them down and say yes to everyone who asks if they're real.

-Go see a local rock or punk show. Dance around and bump into people. Wink at the guitar player but never say a word to him or her. Loud music can be very healing to a frazzled brain and local music scenes are totally worth supporting.

We all have times when we feel angry or aggressive, and I think it's better to to process these emotions responsibly than to keep them bottled up forever. And since this is a fashion blog, here's some outfit inspiration. Debauchery done right, and in style. Bad girls do it well.

Red lips and black nails just scream "Look Out World". Wear your cross
ring upside down to really freak people out. Pair a sexy black dress
with a denim jacket for a look that is cute but tough. Make sure you're
wearing comfortable shoes so you can run away when the red lights start
flashing.

Soon the stars will align in our favor again and everything will feel okay again. The Shop Girls will go back to being sweet and attentive and baking cupcakes for the underprivileged. "Badness" is a fun mind vacation, not a sustainable way of life. Proceed with caution. Grrrrr....