Why Do Guys Hate Being Called "Nice?"

The other day, a guy asked me what I liked about him. I replied honestly: "You're cute, you have a great dick, and you're nice."

"Nice?" This was over text, but I could practically hear the cringe.

"Not in a bad way! In a mature way. It's attractive!"

I could tell he still didn't like it. It was like I'd put some weird curse on him, somehow — this guy who's an excellent cook, crazy-smart science and math guy, hilarious, awesome in bed, and a genuinely good person without really trying to be — by calling him "nice."

But it's hard to blame him, sort of. Think of all the pop-culture signifiers that have maligned nice guys and fetishized the aloof, douchey asshole with a nice guy hidden underneath his emotional barriers. Ever since Mr. Darcy rolled around in Pride and Prejudice, that archetype has been upheld as the ultimate dream man, and romantic comedies circa now took their cue from Jane Austen: If only you can prove yourself to some small-minded snob you're attracted to, he'll show his true colors. The "nice guys," on the other hand, are the boring, available dudes who simply don't provoke enough interesting conversation or physical attraction to hold your interest. Even Sex and The City, which I adore, perpetrates this idea.

And girls fall prey to this just as often as guys do, particularly in their teens and early twenties, before they realize that archetypes don't really account for all shades of people. I've noticed that just as girls are "unlearning" this idea of winning over mean guys, the men around them (being, of course, slower on the uptake than we are) have just started to be socialized to be more enigmatic, mysterious and unattainable.

Meanwhile, in the last few years, there's been a strain of so-called "Nice Guys" who troll OK Cupid for the romantic accolades they think they deserve, overly conscious of being That Guy who's unfairly friend-zoned, who has a chip on his shoulder because he thinks he's entitled to have a girlfriend. I'm not talking about the "Nice Guys." I'm talking about... well, just nice guys. They don't have to try. They just are, if they like it or not.