Goodbye, West Wing: scene-by-scene

Tonight, the last two episodes of acclaimed series The West Wing were shown on More4. Tonight, the seven series presidency of Josiah Bartlet came to an end on UK television (in ended in the US mid-May) and as a celebration and tribute to this, Culture Vulture were online all night, covering the double header scene-by-scene. I didn't know what's going to happen, I hadn't had access to fancy preview tapes, and while I did my best, I can only type so fast, so bear with me. If you want a full and comprehensive intricately detailed recount, that's what Television Without Pity do best. I recommend them highly...

Remember - don't read this if you have any interest at all in being surprised when you do watch it, it's going to be chock full of spoilers. It is, in effect, one big spoiler.

Read on for a 'summary' of the last two episodes of the West Wing, blogged live from the sofa...

Preamble Warning: huge fan alert. Yes, you're thinking, it is hot, and a huge fan is just what we need. Well that's what you've got. I am your huge fan for the evening. Not a huge fan of you, you understand (though I'm sure you're great), but a huge fan of The West Wing. I love this show.

I've loved it since episode one of series one, and - apart from a period in the fifth series when I was just 'quite keen' on it for a bit - I love it still. I love it as it walks off into the sunset. While it walks off quickly while talking extremely fast, obviously - or while 'pedeconferencing' - as it has affectionately become known. It takes a certain calibre of actor to walk and talk at the same time, you know. Trust me, I went to drama school.

Alright, I said I'd update every ad break, but when I said that, I'd forgotten that More4 have been doing that unbelievably annoying 'ads after the titles' thing. God I hate that.

So all we've had so far is the "Previously, on The West Wing..." (stuff happened), and a couple of short scenes

Scene one - Danny's apartment. At least, I think it's Danny's apartment. It's an apartment, and Danny is underdressed CJ and Danny appear to have been partaking in a sleepover. That's nice. But wait - the atmosphere is tense. Danny's trying to fix a dinner date, CJ's all ratty and stressed. My god! I think they've been doing the sex! Wahey!

Ahem. Moving on...

Scene two CJ arrives at the West Wing. Margaret - whose new look, by the way, is great, I've been meaning to say - meets her at the door and seems desperate to distract her. CJ is still grumpy. Ratty. Offish, and doesn't deal well with the distraction techniques, nor work out why Margaret is doing it - when she gets to her office we find out. They are packing up her office. That's not going to improve this pissy mood, I'm guessing.

And we cut to the sweeping strains of the majestic theme tune by WG Snuffy Walden, the man with the best name in showbusiness.

Scene two - CJ's office CJ looms sadly above the piles of boxes, most of which, we hear, are going to the archive. Margaret briefs her on the day, most of which seems to be taken up with 'casual conversations about her future'. CJ is grumpy about this.

Two men come in to talk about the budget. CJ is very grumpy with them. There's something big in the budget that they want to bury, and CJ wants it writ large. They seem to think this will make them unpopular, and are loathe to include it. CJ is grumpy with them about this. Are you getting that CJ is grumpy? Well she is.

Margaret announces that CJ's first 'little chat about her future' of the day is ready in the Roosevelt room. It is a man from a company called Hollis - when CJ tries to postpone the meeting, she is informed that it is actually Mr Hollis himself. I think I'm meant to be impressed. I think this mainly because Will and Kate (Will and Kate are in the room by now, by the way) are near wetting themselves at the fact that this 'Hollis' is in the building. I'm thinking he might be a pop star.

He isn't. He is a computer spod, I think. I say this mainly because he has an air of Bill Gates and the wardrobe of Steve Jobs. He seems to be a very rich man who wants to give CJ lots of money to do charitable things. Or run his charity. Or something. He offers her $10bn. She says she would spend it on highways in Africa. She decides to think about the job. On the way out, she bumps into Margaret, who seems intuitively to decide that CJ's taking whatever GatesJobsHollis is offering. Well, of course she will. What are we, stupid?

Will at the DCCC Will is talking to a bearded man at the DCCC (the Democratic Conference Cough Cough Cough. Oh I'll look it up in a second). There is talk of a running battle for a district in Oregon. Not sure where this is going, but Will's little puppy face lights up.

CJs office Back to CJ. Dude, it is ALL about the Claudia Jean, it seems. When did this turn into the CJ Show, anyway? Because it really, really has of late, and...

Sorry, right. So here's Andy - ex-wife of Toby and mother of his invisible children. What does she want, apart from to come back to say goodbye, and be a bit cool and feisty while she's there? Ah. She's wondering if Toby is on the list of people requesting a presidential pardon.

CJ checks with Charlie about the list. Toby's not on it. It seems that one has to ask to be on it. And Toby hasn't asked. Good old Toby. I miss Toby. Can I say Toby again? Toby Toby Toby.

More dull budget storyline guff: the two weaslly little men have sneaked it past CJ without her approving the changes first, Margaret informs us.

CJ and Will walk out, and do pedeconferencing outdoors. This is a variant on the sport, I assume. I feel like I should be recording how many steps are taken during these last two episodes, really. Some kind of pedeconferenc-o-meter or something. Instead, I could just shout 'WALKABOUT!' every time they do it. And take a drink. If I was drinking, which I'm not, of course.

CJ Gregg arrives to recieve her next job offer of the day, I assume. The girl at reception (and I'm calling her 'girl' despite my feminist morals, I swear to you, she's TWELVE. Are you allowed to work a the White house underage?) And then Ronna sweeps in, and wooshes CJ off to talk to the next Big Man. Ronna, can I just mention, is not a real name, and anyone who says it is is tickling your noodles.

Matt Santos wants CJ to be a special counsellor. He wants her to help look after the Kazakhstan thing. She's unsure of it all - and also about the fact that Rebulican nominee (and loser) Vinick has been given the Secretary of State job. Natty Mattie Santos, on the other hand, seems very sure. very sure of himself, very sure that CJ will say yes, very sure of everything, in fact. He tells her he won't take no for an answer, that she should go away and think about it, and phone him and say yes in the morning. Cocky sod.

Well, I suppose if you can be cocky once in your life, it's probably when you've been elected leader of the free world. Maybe. I bet you can order pizza out of hours, too.

CJ whines at Kate about this. They talk about Toby and the pardon situation, both in an unforgiving manner. CJ reveals she hasn't talked to Toby since the whistleblowing thing. And then lovely little Danny Concannon arrives. I know he's probably not actually little, but for some reason, on the television, I can't see him as anything but a little round gnome. Also he stands next to CJ so much, and that's never going to help Anyone look tall.

Kate goes and whines at Will that someone else got the NSA job. They talk a little about the Oregon situation that came up earlier and - ah, this'll be what that was all about - come to the conclusion that perhaps Will should run for office, and of course Kate should move him and live happily ever after. Just like everyone else. Because as the sun has set, everyone has paired off and started knobbing. It's so sweet. If Vinick and Margaret don't get it on by the end of the series I'm going to kick off.

WALKABOUT! CJ and Danny are out having a walk for lunch (mm, filling). When Danny finds out about all CJ's offers, he asks whether she was ever going to consult him. Apparently, she wasn't, apparently they don't have that kind of relationship. He is sad. She is sad. I am sad. How stupid IS this woman. Damnit, he may only reach up to your knees, but he LOVES you, you idiot.

Back in the West Wing, Santos and CJ go walkabout. WALKABOUT! The dull budget thing is revealed. Apparently CJ and Bartlett are conspiring to make this budget sound really ove-the-top bad so that whatever Natty Mattie suggests instead will sail through much, much easier. Not so dull now, eh?

Well, yes, actually, still quite dull. Ooooh, ad break...

We're back. Scene, um, 47

CJ has come to visit Toby. She has brought wine. He has made chicken. Although we are supposed to think Toby bad and wrong for blowing the whistle on the whole astronauts thing, that doesn't change the fact that a) I'm still in love with him and b) CJ seems to be quite fond of him too. They talk about how hard it is to be CJ today. They talk about the fact that Toby hasn't asked for a pardon, knows he wouldn't get one, and doesn't want one anyway.

He's found a typo in the constitution, apparently. Blimey he's thorough. I love that. Is this sexual tension in the air between Ceej and Tobes? No. Can't be. Surely. Unless she really has a big thing for tiny weeny men with beards. Mmmmm. Moving on...

When she leaves, they hug for a long, long time. I contain my jealous rage. And manage not to cry. Is this the last time we see Toby? Is this the last time we'll ever meet? Oh dear god, now I am crying. For goodness' sake.

Cj knocks on another door. It is Danny's. They have one of those heart-thuddingly lovely conversations that it is impossible to relate properly. It's kind of like the last scene in Four Weddings and a Funeral, but well acted. And written. And with no one saying 'Is it raining? I hadn't noticed'. And no rain.

Danny asks her if she wants to take Hollis's offer. She nods. Does she want to work at the White House anymore? She shakes her head, sadly, smiling.

I cry. But admittedly, it is because I am scared that was the last I'll ever see of Toby.

END CREDITS

LAST EPISODE: DEATH OF WET WIG

"Previously, on the West Wing..." Well, let's face it, previously on the West Wing, seven series worth of stuff happened. They don't show that, though. That would be silly.

Wide angle shot of Washington. Ooooh, pretty etc.

Montage with music - There's Santos, looking pensive and preparatory, Josh is in bed - there is Donna! Donna is also in bed. With Josh. CJ's in the kitchen. Do you need a specially designed kitchen if you're freakishly tall, I wonder? The West Wing. Will is sitting. And thinking. You can actually see the thinking. That is Acting. We move to the residence. Abby and Jed (that's the president and first lady, excuse my informality) stand by that big cresent window and talk about the weather. It is cold, apparently. I am distraced from this poignant moment by the fact that Abby's forhead is the size and colour of the moon. I'm sure that's been growing, slowly, over the series.

The music sweeps in. Good old WG Snuffy Walden, composer of sweep. We cheer when we see his name. We cheer when we see everyone elses name, too. Sense of occasion, and that.

Back to Matt. Back to Santos. Back to the future. Oooh, that's good. They could have used that in the campaign. I see bumper stickers. They also talk about the weather. Hang on, there was no ad break! Yay More4! Oh no, hang on, now there is one. Gr.

There is a trailer for the new Sorkin series. By heck, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip may have a reet silly name, but I'm still excessively excited about it.

Interior, CJs office

And at the moment it still IS CJs office. A round man explains the process of chucking the outgoing president out of the White House. Apparently the second Natty Mattie takes the oath, thousands of the round man;s employees will scuttle through the place, removing all trace of the Bartlets like someone whipping a tablecloth out from under the china. I would be more sentimental about this if I hadn't just realised that only one person is reading this post, and that the only one person reading this thinks I'm sad. Brilliant. Apparently this is only a TV show. Good lord, I wish someone had told me that before, I feel such a fool.

Meanwhile, back in the real world, there is an ice storm in New England. Everyone is talking about it. I think it may be a metaphor. Not sure what for.

Interior; the office of the grand usurper Sorry, the President Elect. Annabeth, Santos, Josh, Donna and Ronna (NB, not a real name: see previous). The schedule is busy, and Natty Mattie and Helen look excited, but nervous. I would be too. There are nine inaugural balls, we discover. We also discover that the incoming president's favourite song is 'You Can Leave Your Hat On'. This produces a vivid mental image combining The Full Monty and the gentlemen members of the West Wing cast that I'm finding it difficult to shake. And, also, I don't really want to.

Back to CJ, and she and Charlie are talking. Charlie tells her that this morning, the President rang and asked the pardonny people to add one more name to the list. CJ smiles. She flips through the pardons. Yay! It is Toby!

WALKABOUT! Jed Barlett walks to the Oval office. He looks approximately one thousand years old. CJ and pals enter, and tell him about the snow storm. Apparently there has been a train derailment between Exeter and Haverhill. These are, apparently, towns in Massachusetts or New Hampshire, respectively. And also in Devon and Suffolk, respectively, though I can't imagine that's the line they're talking about in this, the last episode of the West Wing. Unless it's a metaphor.

Jed sorts out the situation with aplomb, telling the Governor he's just won himself a starring role in his autobiography. I'm going to try that next time I want something. I wonder if it works with second-class hacks and pizza delivery institutions...

CJ hands over the pardons. She points out, unsubtly, that Toby's is right at the back. Phew. Because otherwise he might not have bothered with them. T.

She leaves. Jed looks at the pardon. He looks at that baby hard. So hard, we cut to commercial.

After the break

Oh! It is Mallory, daughter of the late Leo (wonderful John Spencer, RIP). Hello Mallory. She is here to hand over a present. She found it among her fathers things, and knows he would have wanted Jed to have it on this day. She asks CJ to say hello to Sam for her. Blimey, is he coming back for a last hurrah too? Then she's off. Short but sweet. Unlike Mallory, who was always a bit tall and annoying. Bye bye, Mallory.

Back in the Oval Office, Debbie is grumping at the still-president-for-the-next-half-hour president. I wonder how he'll cope without her grumping at him. Maybe he doesn't have to, maybe she will just go with him into retirement, and spend the days caustically grumping with him about, oh, I don't know, wearing odd socks. That'll leave Abby plenty of time to swan about promoting the role of women in society and having a brow like the moon.

Jed has a bit of a hobble around, saying goodbye to people. After communing a little with that rather blah blonde secondary secretary that has been played all this time by his real-life daughter (remember folks, this is just a TV show), he and Charlie have a very sweet father/son moment. Charlie's going to law school. Oh, have we've seen that boy grow up through these last seven series (though secretly I suspect that the actor is actually 60 years old, and has some weird non-aging thing as he never, ever seems to get any older).

The Presidentforthenexthalfhour gives Charlie something he says he doesn't need anymore - a copy of the constitution. I choose to believe that this is because Jed has decided that, after leaving office, he's going to rebel, go crazy, and break every damn law, order and statute he pleases. This is probably not true, but I'll still think it, because it's fun. Charlie looks as if he's about to cry. Let's face it, we all look we're about to cry. Apart from those of us who are already crying. Toby, Toby, I miss you so...

Natty Mattie and Horny Helen Santos are in the back of the car coming back from church. You must excuse the Horny epithet, but she really does seem to talk about biffing a lot, this lady. "We must get a secret sign so that people don't just walk into the residence", "Oh! We have broken the bed!" etc. Healthy libido, undoubtably an asset in a First Lady. Possibly. Well, whatever, they're managing to get through this car journey with their trousers on, so that's a blessing. I can't really concentrate on this pair, I have to say. What's the point?

In the Oval office, Debbie continues her barracking of the soon-to-be-at-leisure leader of the free world. The present president, it seems, is writing a note to the new one. Without letting us see (spoilsport) he folds it, puts it in an envelope, and addresses it to 'President Santos'. My god, it's really happening. The end is nigh. Woe.

He hasn't signed Toby's pardon yet. Well why did he ask for it then? He is still on the fence, it seems. Can't make up his mind. May sign it, may not. Yeah right. Like we're that stupid. Still, always nice to see Jed in turmoil, one more time.

CJ comes in to hand over Mallory's Leo-gift. She notices Toby's pardon. Yes, it's still not signed. We get it. Jed tells her it's been a pleasure working with her, and she leaves. You know, I would have been sadder at this moment if she was still press secretary, never did get my head around the CJ-as-Chief-of-Staff thing. Ar, we don't like change, I remember when all this were fields etc.

She leaves. After another few seconds of inner churning, President Offski sighs and signs Toby's pardon. He hobbles out to change for the inauguration thing. To give him a bit of extra time, we cut to the break.

Here it comes! Live inauguration! Hold on to your trousers!

We come back, and find the Sexy Santoses saying goodbye to the staff at their rented gaff, in preparation to move to their new slightly bigger rented gaff with the big bepillored frontispiece. They cross the road, and quite understandably consider making a runner. Well why not, they've already ditched the children somewhere (where ARE the children?), and for the next hour or so they're between jobs, so why not! There's nothing holding them here, after all - and especially not another series of The West Wing.

In the White House, the exiting tenants are making ready to leave, taking a last walk around the old place, probably checking for scuff marks and holes in the wall (well, you'd want to make sure to get most of your deposit back, wouldn't you?). Abby reveals that the stepford daughters will be waiting, en masse, at the farm in Manchester for them to arrive. Jed wanted some time to himself. Grumpy bugger. He's pleased really.

They stand and admire the room. It is an empty room. Now I wasn't sure about the ice storm, or the train derailment, or Suffolk, but I'm pretty sure THIS is a metaphor.

In the limo on the way to the inauguration thing, the almost-ex-president and the not-yet-one talk shoot the breeze, presidentially, about brass bands and bibles. They arrive, and just before they divide, Natty Mattie asks if Jed is ready to retire. He doesn't say anything. Ah, a strong silent president, the best kind. A strong, silent fictional president, sadly, but you can't have everything.

The camera pans round, and we get a quick shot of Vinick. Hello Hawkeye!

BBack in the West Wing, the old guard watch the proceedings on television. Last minute packing, eh? God, tell me about it. Last time I moved out of a centre of world power, I...

Natty Mattie and The First Woman (she ain't no lady, not in THAT thong) are kidding their way into the inauguration. It is suggested he might make a long speech. Please god don't let's hear it.

Back in CJ's office, Margaret hands over the pardon folio. CJ flicks through, and comes to the last one. It's hard to tell what she's thinking. And then she smiles. Ah, the mysterious ways of The Jackal.

The ceremony happens. We don't see it in full, thank jinks, but instead just snippets, intercut with crowd shots and scenes of the West Wing and Oval Office being packed up.

Santos takes the oath, and CJ, back in her office, watches, then turns off the television and leaves the room for the last time.

After the commercial the new president's staff stride confidently into the West Wing. Funnily enough, the new President's staff remind one of the old President's staff, they have the same attitude, and gait, and, you know, faces.

Debbie shows Ronna her new domain. I assume the moment where she caustically informed the woman that 'Ronna' isn't a real name took place just before the scene started.

As Debbie leaves her at the open door of the Oval Office, Ronna weeps, and smiles while she's weeping.

We see the proper inhabitants of the West Wing being evicted by the new pretenders. Charlie is shuffled out of his office (when did Charlie get an office again?) by some fool child. He walks through the corridors of fresh faced Wingers, and eventually finds Will and Kate. They head off to see a movie, even though it is barely gone lunchtime, and no one actually knows where the nearest cinema is.

Back to the first day of new termers, and everyone is getting their own office. Donna has an office the size of Canada, from which she will probably learn to shout at her own assistant, who will fall madly and secretly in love with her (fruitlessly, of course, she'll be living happily ever after with Joshua Bighair)

She hasn't got the best office, mind. Natty Matt does. He walks in, finds the note that Jed left him, reads it, and smiles. I think we should have a competition to decide what was in the note. I think it was a joke. A rude one. About Canadians.

CJ enters the briefing room, where she frankly should have stayed all along - she says, ruining a potentially poignant moment - and has one last look around. There is a reporter hanging around, which seems slightly remiss of his duty, seeing as he's a White House reporter who's just missed the new president being sworn in to hang around an empty press room. Genius. He asks Cj if she knws about Toby's pardon. She does. Does she have a comment? No. Does she have an opinon? Yes, she says. She does. And then she walks out. Very nice.

The the Oval Office of President Santos, Josh arrives, and they start the business of government. Or rather don't, because the show was axed. Still, the thought's there.

Now we're outside the White House. This is significant, I think. Leaving the grounds, she is stopped by tourists, and asked if you works at the White House, and with a great deal of satisfaction and relief, she tells them the truth. She doesn't.

We cut to Air Force One. A stewardess enters the private office to find Jed and Abby, who are, it seems, flitting Washington on a plane that isn't actually theirs anymore. There you are. Told you he was going to rebel.

Jed finds the package from Leo/Mallory and opens it. In it, the napkin that Leo used to get him to run in the first place, with 'Bartlet for America' scrawled across it in big letters. He smiles, and passes it to Abby, who takes a really long time to read it (it's three words, Moonbrow) as he settles down and looks out of the window.

And there we are. Not fireworks, a quiet ending, but what did we expect? Bye bye, West Wing. You may have been just a television show, but you were a very, very good one. Right. That's it. There's nothing for it, I'm cracking open my DVD box sets.