Learning from Leiby

I can't explain anything, but here are three lessons I've learned.

I don't know why it happened. I don't understand. I am only a student, barely out of my teens. I am not a rabbi, a philosopher, or a psychiatrist. I can't explain it at all.

Some have tried. They talk about injustice, senseless violence, a world we cannot understand. They discuss the need for better mental health services, better ways to screen for criminal insanity, and the necessity of taking away the stigma of mental illness so that those who are ill may get help and those who are not may be protected.

I think: It's not a puzzle to be broken apart, a riddle to be solved. How can one give reasons, not tears? It seems so uncaring, so clinical and so cold.

I did not read the papers. I did not click on the links. I do not want to read anything about the autopsy. I want for it to be untrue, but if it must still be true, I wish everyone would stop giving their opinions about why it happened.

But then, I think: I am young and I have no idea how this world works, how God works. There are some people – great rabbis, probably, and not philosophers or psychiatrists – who do have some notion as to why seemingly senseless tragedies occur. They can explain. I cannot. For me, a young student just beginning my study of Torah Judaism, there are no reasons. There can only be lessons.

So I decide: I must not forget. I must learn. Something. Something for this boy, for his loved ones, for this nation.

For Leiby, whom I have never met, I will remember three things that I have learned from the only part of his story that I know.

(1) The Jewish people are one big family.

Thousands of Jews immediately stopped everything and helped search for one Jewish boy. We put up fliers, navigated through dangerous neighborhoods, and watched endless video recordings of nearby streets. We forgot everything we thought we knew about our differences and came together to search for one innocent child. Our varied backgrounds, clothing, languages, observance, and belief in and understanding of God did not matter. Finding this child, our child, was all that mattered. As a family we searched together and we cried together and we now mourn our shared loss.

Can we please be family in glad times, too? Can we care for one another every day? Can we put aside all silly judgments about who we think someone else really is and who we think someone else thinks we really are? Can we come together each and every day – as members of a family – as we did for one little boy?

Because of Leiby, we know it is possible for us to harmoniously live as part of the Jewish family. Because of Leiby, we've already done it. Can we please try to always continue? I can't think of one good reason to allow anything to separate us again. Can you?

(2) Every moment is precious.

A 9-year-old boy went to summer camp and at the end of the day he had only a few blocks to walk in order to get to his beloved mother. He never made it to her, and he never returned home.

How many times do we think we'll have so many years, even infinite years, to love someone, to be kind to someone, to once again speak to someone, to listen to someone, to make amends, to see the beauty in those we know? Why do we think this way? We know it isn't so.

Please – be kind now, be sweet now, see the goodness in those around you now. Tomorrow might be too late. Why wait?

(3) Learn from everything that comes your way.

Maybe others know why little Leiby's life on earth ended the way it did, but I don't know, and I am not in any position to theorize or to wonder why. However, I can choose to learn from this and from every event and encounter in my life. To decide otherwise, to look away, or to pretend it never happened, would be to ignore opportunities for growth and strength and for repairing my small part of the world.

Let us not wait for illness, suffering, tragedy, pain or death to motivate us to think about our words, our thoughts, our actions, our lives. Instead, let us think and learn and find meaning and grow with every encounter, each and every day.

Why does the talkative woman always seem to run up to me just when I have a full day of errands to do? Why does the elderly gentleman need my assistance to lift a heavy load just when I want to relax? Why does the child seem to enjoy sending nonstop questions in my direction when I already had a long day and I have so much on my mind?

Why do I think my life would run more smoothly without these people? Who, exactly, do I think I am? What precisely, do I think I am here to do?

Do I want to leave this world knowing I was able to rush from one thing to the next and get an inordinate amount of errands done in less time than it would take anyone else? Would I be content to know I spent my life relaxing more than helping others, taking it easy instead of seeing every person as a human being, just like me? Would I be glad to know that I figured out how to zone out as young people spoke to me, questioned me, and looked up to me, and that I did this because I thought my life, my job – and my thoughts were more important than really listening to these children?

What truly matters to me? Am I living in a manner that is consistent with what I really believe?

The lessons I have learned, the lessons that I will take with me every day, are not so profound, and they are not even new. But the key is in the implementation, the doing, the personal transformation.

Be thoughtful. Be kind. Be good.

Live your years – many healthy years – as you truly believe you should.

Little Leiby did not have the chance for a long life, but he did live a meaningful life. We might have a chance for both. Please, let's try.

Visitor Comments: 43

Such Beauty!!! Unbelievable lessons by Serah Lev!!!! I am simply overwhelmed by the profundity of these incredible conclusions..WOW WOW WOW!!!!

(39)
Lisa,
July 29, 2011 9:45 PM

Beautiful reflection...

May the authors prayers for us come true, soon... May we all have the strength to do our part to make them come true... And may G-d bless our efforts.

(38)
Nechama,
July 29, 2011 8:17 PM

Thank You

That's really all I can say

(37)
Aharon Tuvia,
July 28, 2011 8:51 PM

What a beautiful comment on such a tragic event! It's probably the best I've read up to now.

(36)
k,
July 27, 2011 6:51 PM

The yetzer that killed little Leiby Z"l would have gone on killing. His first, Leiby, was on a compulsive level. That would have only increased. Hashem knows all our hearts, minds and deepest desires. The yetzer had to be stopped and has been. I know that they will try the insanity defense but I hope that will not work. He is not legally insane based on his actions. That is what I could come up with as a reason because there is always a reason for everything. My heart goes out to the Kletsky family and all of Klal Yisrael but this yetzer had to be stopped and the perfection of that child's soul put him in direct contact with someone that needed to be stopped. I believe that he would have gone on killing Jewish children... I don't know why but he would have and with the out pouring of people from every walk of life, nationalities and religions were all there to stop this monster from anymore killing. Maybe some might say what I have written is cruel but we don't want anymore dead children. He had to be stopped and was!

(35)
rachel yusupova,
July 27, 2011 3:49 AM

hi, it was well written. iam a bucharian jew. i cannot sleep lately well, constantly thinking about this inocent little human being. How this diewel wasdriving if he wasso sick.Iam an occupational therpist. I can not stop thinking how he torture thislittleboy.he needs to given an electric chair. and the whole world needs to see that. he is an animal, even worse than animal. God shoul punish severely in the prizon.

(34)
Anonymous,
July 26, 2011 6:22 PM

There have been so many speeches now by the most learned of our day, regarding this horrible event. I can not possible add to anything that has been said. I will repeat one idea, that I heard. If we can honestly tell ourselves that we would not have been one of the hundred's of people who casually walked by this lost little boy without taking notice, before he met the murderer who did take notice, then there is room for us to speak about this with authority. Unfortunately, speaking for myself, I know how trained I have become to live within my own life, barely taking note of the outside world. May we all learn to actually see the world around us and to take time to see those who are lost, alone and afraid. This story would have ended up so much better had one other person stopped to say, "Can I help you?" - just a thought.

(33)
Ralph Loewenthal,
July 26, 2011 1:13 PM

WOW what a mature young woman

One seldom sees such maturity, and good character traits in such a young person. May her message reach our whole "Jewish Family". May she just grow with each passing day to fulfill her destiny.

(32)
Anonymous,
July 26, 2011 4:16 AM

Words from the heart, enter the heart. Thank you for yet another touching article.

(31)
Katie,
July 25, 2011 7:17 PM

the entire world counts

This is true that this is a very nice perspective to this tragic incident. And I admit I also did not read every detail of it (or most other sad incidents either) since it will not change it. Yet, I have to say, that many groups felt the pain of this tragedy. There are the many, many NYPD policemen whom searched endlessly for this child. Some of them even attended the funeral. Everyone should count and be appreciated for their positive share in this world.
Everyone is a human being and as long as people are positive, they should be appreciated. I watched a show of a tsunami survivor (the one which happened a few years ago) whom described how people behaved towards each other the day after the tsunami. He said people were helping each other and going out of the way for each other. He said this is how the world is supposed to be. Does anyone remember how we reacted after the sept. 11th terrorist attacks? everyone was helpful and kind; and there were endless lines of people donating blood. etc.. This is how we are all supposed to be at all times; not only after a tragedy happens.
I also read that when people will get along, the Moshiach will come. Let's hope and pray for it. Well, no one is perfect. And I certainly am not here to criticize, or to claim being better or that some people are bad or good. On a daily basis, we all need to remember the Golden Rule: Do unto to others as you would have them do unto you. Every act counts. We can not change others (and should not try to either), but we can change ourselves.

(30)
Aliza Miriam,
July 25, 2011 7:05 PM

Thank you, thank you, and when we internalize this message, in action as well as thought, the Messiah will be here in an instant!

'Nuf said.

(29)
Linda,
July 25, 2011 6:55 PM

Wise words

This article proves that you don't need to be a rabbi, philosopher or psychiatrist to write from the heart in such an eloquent and moving way. Kol Hakavod Serah. I was truly moved by your writing. We all have plenty to learn from you.

(28)
aliza,
July 25, 2011 6:24 PM

thank you!

Thank You

(27)
Anonymous,
July 25, 2011 12:54 PM

Thank you for your words

I am so thankful I was able to read these beautiful thoughtful letter. I am carrying these words to my heart.

(26)
Anonymous,
July 25, 2011 10:47 AM

Simple Truth

A truly simple, honest, hopeful, lovely article. I hope that I can take the lessons that this young person has shared with us and carry them forward. My tears, pain and sorrow are hopefully leading to hope for our future generations to succeed where we are failing.

(25)
Sarah Chava Reynolds,
July 25, 2011 4:52 AM

What if?

When reading your article I remembered something my father spoke of at the Shabbat table. He asked us, "How often do we walk into the grocery store see someone we know and just say 'hi how are you?' rush by without really stopping to find out how they are? We have become so wrapped up in ourselves in our own daily routines that we have become numb to others. Leiby was a precious boy (although I never knew him there is a lot to learn from him). Someone from our endless family. He was only 3 blocks away from his family. He was probably really scared. He was left alone for about 27 minutes. With strangers all around him he was still alone (of course Hashem was with him). No person took notice of him except for someone who was only thinking of harming this little boy. He was surrounded by people and no one stopped to find out if he was ok, lost, needed help or anything. If we can learn to step outside of our own minds for just a few minutes and actually take notice of the people around us, then, just then maybe we can make the world a better place. We can strengthen the Jewish Community as a whole. The entire Bnei Yisroel!"

(24)
Aidy Yegudayev,
July 25, 2011 3:56 AM

We have to learn from our mistakes

Your article really stuck a chord with me. For someone so young, you have a very wise outlook. I agree that trying to find reasons and tearing things apart may seem like a waste of time, but if we try to understand what happened, what the causes were, we're more likely to learn from our, and other's mistakes. If we don't take the time to learn, we'll keep on making those same mistakes. But you're right in that we need to use those lessons as stepping stones to realize what's really important in life. We can also hope that if our Heavenly Father sees that we are banding together for tragedy, maybe He'll soon give us the opportunity to band together for joy.

(23)
lily,
July 25, 2011 2:52 AM

wise beyond her years

i dont know how old serah lev is but clearly she is wise beyond her years. some people dont reach these 'simple' solid truths in an entire lifetime. may she be an inspiration to us all

(22)
Judy,
July 24, 2011 9:57 PM

excellent-well written

One of the best pieces written,that I have read, about this tragedy. It brought tears to my eyes and contains ideas that show a maturity beyond her years. Let us hope that we can use the lessons learned to help us lead better,more meaningful and spiritual lives.

(21)
Caroline Cappiello,
July 24, 2011 9:52 PM

The Jewish people are one big family...the human race is one big family.

Beautiful . Well said. You wrote thousands of Jews immediately stopped what they were doing to search for one little Jewish boy. Would like to add...thousands of non-Jews alike were Praying for the safety of that one little Jewish boy and wept with his friends and family at the outcome.. Shalom...shefa b'ruchot..

(20)
Anonymous,
July 24, 2011 7:51 PM

Very inspirational.

I will try to keep the words with me; it is hard. But necessary. Thank you for taking the time to write.

(19)
miriam,
July 24, 2011 7:16 PM

thank you!

beautiful! thank you so much! keep writing and sharing. we need more caring and thinking young people like you in our world

(18)
lisa,
July 24, 2011 6:52 PM

Be kind....

You just gave us your opinion............whether its a reason or an opinion they are all from The Torah. You stated some important messages, so did everyone else. Thank you!

(17)
Sally,
July 24, 2011 4:26 PM

Thank you!

Thank you for your wise words. Please consider pursuing a writing career, you express what we feel so well. We must not forget the lessons this dear child taught us.

Welton,
July 25, 2011 12:49 AM

Beautifully said

I can't agree with yo more! I would love to see mor writing by someone so wise yet so young.

(16)
zipporah,
July 24, 2011 4:25 PM

"From The Mouth Of Babes"

Dearest Child
Thank You for sharing. You are wise beyond your years. Angel Leiby is cradled in the hands of H-M. We are One Soul One Heart One Mind. The loss of Leiby has touched the heart of the world

(15)
Anonymous,
July 24, 2011 3:41 PM

thank you

if only, next week, next month and next year we will only remember your wise words. i have asked many times WHY do we only come together for tragedy, why not every day, every minute of our lives. hold on to those feelings and continue to live this way always.

(14)
Anonymous,
July 24, 2011 3:22 PM

make sure every human on earth reads this article

just like the e-mails to pray for Leiby which circled the globe reached thousands and thousands of people, send this article to EVERYONE YOU KNOW (even non-jews) If even ONE person becomes a better person because of it you all got the mitzvah. There is no doubt in my mind that tragedies come because of people´s carelessness and hate. Let´s try to make this crazy world a better place

(13)
Galia Berry,
July 24, 2011 2:52 PM

Profound insights

You are wise beyond your years! Thank you!

(12)
Anonymous,
July 24, 2011 2:30 PM

Thankyou, your words have been a great help.
With love

(11)
Anonymous,
July 24, 2011 2:21 PM

you relate to this this tragedy in such a sensitive way. thank you so much for the lessons that you shared.

(10)
Jackie C. Prescott,
July 24, 2011 2:07 PM

Thankyou Serah!

Would love to hear more from you.Your thoughts are very welcoming and helpful.

(9)
Donna,
July 24, 2011 1:45 PM

wise young woman

you are already a wise teacher for your youthful years
thank you

(8)
annie lass,
July 24, 2011 1:27 PM

lessons from Leiby's tragedy

the article is beautiful. It is a mystery why such terrible tragedies are allowed to happen.
My heart goes out to his immediate family.

(7)
Anonymous,
July 24, 2011 1:22 PM

Thank you for your beautiful words. They make sense in the craziness around us.

(6)
Andria,
July 24, 2011 1:08 PM

Beautiful.

Insightful. We truly are one big family.

(5)
Judith,
July 24, 2011 1:03 PM

Beautiful article

Beautiful article with a strong message : what should WE do now? what can WE learn?

(4)
Elon Cohen,
July 24, 2011 12:51 PM

My heart is broken

I have two priceless, wholesome, beautiful, loving souls ~ a son and daughter! I have read so many articles about this horrific event and remain speechless. I look around me and count my blessings everyday. Peace.

(3)
Sara Rigler,
July 24, 2011 12:42 PM

Beautiful article

I don't know who Serah Lev is, but I'd love to read more of her articulate writing on Aish.com. Socrates said that the truly wise are those people who feel, "I don't know anything." Obviously this gifted young writer qualifies.

(2)
Talya,
July 24, 2011 12:07 PM

Beautiful, profound and true. Thank you.

(1)
Anonymous,
July 24, 2011 11:27 AM

There are many lessons we can learn from Leiby's horrific death.We can prevent another tragedy like this from happening.We can teach our kids not to be vulnerable by emphasizing the importance of safety.As parents, we must live up to our responsibility to protect our children from harmful elements of society.No matter how sheltered you are and how safe your community seems, evil will always manage to find its way in if we fail to keep it out.Child molesters and killers come in many forms.They can look like your neighbor,your teacher,respectable community figure,or even your relative.Your innocence is not going to shield you from these criminals if you don't know how to defend yourself from them.Don't let them in your house.Don't accept rides from them.Call the police if you feel threatened or if you sense danger.Don't leave your child alone with another adult.Don't let your child wander around unsupervised.How many children have fallen victim to sexual assault and even murder from the people they thought they could trust?How many lives must be ruined before we gather the courage to combat pedophilia and expose the criminals for what they really are?
Secondly, when a tragedy strikes close to home, we must stop the finger pointing. What good comes from blaming all the problems in the Jewish world on secular culture, women dressing immodestly,and people not living up to their religious obligations etc ? How will that bring solace to his grieving family? Look at your own faults before you start noticing others.Playing the blame game won't inspire people to improve on their spirituality.It will only drive them away from Judaism.Both batei hamikdash were destroyed because of baseless hatred and blame.We are all human and have faults but we should not be pointing out other people's weaknesses before we strengthen our own.Use some of the Mussar you preach.

Anonymous,
July 31, 2011 5:00 PM

I DO NOT AGREE WITH YOU

". What good comes from blaming all the problems in the Jewish world on secular culture, women dressing immodestly,and people not living up to their religious obligations etc ? How will that bring solace to his grieving family? " I AM SORRY TO TELL YOU, BUT , YES, THE SECULAR CULTURE IS WHAT HAS DESTROYED THE NON- JEWISH CHILDREN OF OUR GENERATION AND THE SECULAR CULTURE IS WHAT IS SLOWLY DESTROYING OUR FAMILIES.
EVERYONE WANTS TO BE LIKE THE STARS AND MURDERERS AND CELEBRITIES THEY SEE IN THE MOVIES AND TV. HOW WILL THIS TRAGEDY BRING SOLACE TO THE GRIEVING FAMILY? THIS WHOLE TRAGEDY HAPPENED BECAUSE PEOPLE SPEAK VICIOUS LOSHON HORA ALL THE TIME (any movie or program that takes place in a high school will be full of this) THIS HAPPENED BECAUSE OF RISHUS (TREATING PEOPLE CRUELLY )BULLYING, ARROGANCE, WIFE AND CHILDREN ABUSE. THIS HAPPENED BECAUSE THERE IS SO MUCH JEALOUSY, SELFISHNESS, GREED ALL THIS COMES FROM THE SECULAR CULTURE. IF ANYTHING WILL GIVE SOLACE TO THE GRIEVING FAMILY IT WILL BE THAT JEWS SHOULD BEHAVE AS THE REBONO SHEL OLAM (G-D) WANTS US TO BEHAVE.

I've been striving to get more into spirituality. But it seems that every time I make some progress, I find myself slipping right back to where I started. I'm getting discouraged and feel like a failure. Can you help?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Spiritual slumps are a natural part of spiritual growth. There is a cycle that people go through when at times they feel closer to God and at times more distant. In the words of the Kabbalists, it is "two steps forward and one step back." So although you feel you are slipping, know that this is a natural process. The main thing is to look at your overall progress (over months or years) and be able to see how far you've come!

This is actually God's ingenious way of motivating us further. The sages compare this to teaching a baby how to walk. When the parent is holding on, the baby shrieks with delight and is under the illusion that he knows how to walk. Yet suddenly, when the parent lets go, the child panics, wobbles and may even fall.

At such times when we feel spiritually "down," that is often because God is letting go, giving us the great gift of independence. In some ways, these are the times when we can actually grow the most. For if we can move ourselves just a little bit forward, we truly acquire a level of sanctity that is ours forever.

Here is a practical tool to help pull you out of the doldrums. The Sefer HaChinuch speaks about a great principle in spiritual growth: "The external awakens the internal." This means that although we may not experience immediate feelings of closeness to God, eventually, by continuing to conduct ourselves in such a manner, this physical behavior will have an impact on our spiritual selves and will help us succeed. (A similar idea is discussed by psychologists who say: "Smile and you will feel happy.")

That is the power of Torah commandments. Even if we may not feel like giving charity or praying at this particular moment, by having a "mitzvah" obligation to do so, we are in a framework to become inspired. At that point we can infuse that act of charity or prayer with all the meaning and lift it can provide. But if we'd wait until being inspired, we might be waiting a very long time.

May the Almighty bless you with the clarity to see your progress, and may you do so with joy.

In 1940, a boatload 1,600 Jewish immigrants fleeing Hitler's ovens was denied entry into the port of Haifa; the British deported them to the island of Mauritius. At the time, the British had acceded to Arab demands and restricted Jewish immigration into Palestine. The urgent plight of European Jewry generated an "illegal" immigration movement, but the British were vigilant in denying entry. Some ships, such as the Struma, sunk and their hundreds of passengers killed.

If you seize too much, you are left with nothing. If you take less, you may retain it (Rosh Hashanah 4b).

Sometimes our appetites are insatiable; more accurately, we act as though they were insatiable. The Midrash states that a person may never be satisfied. "If he has one hundred, he wants two hundred. If he gets two hundred, he wants four hundred" (Koheles Rabbah 1:34). How often have we seen people whose insatiable desire for material wealth resulted in their losing everything, much like the gambler whose constant urge to win results in total loss.

People's bodies are finite, and their actual needs are limited. The endless pursuit for more wealth than they can use is nothing more than an elusive belief that they can live forever (Psalms 49:10).

The one part of us which is indeed infinite is our neshamah (soul), which, being of Divine origin, can crave and achieve infinity and eternity, and such craving is characteristic of spiritual growth.

How strange that we tend to give the body much more than it can possibly handle, and the neshamah so much less than it needs!