Instructions

This piece is for a soloist playing any instrument.

Alternate sections are marked Say and
Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to
an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending
manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder.
Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its
grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff
with oval note heads () interspersed
with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play
in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking
or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be
observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.

The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like
a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.

The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either
direction) different from the preceding note.

Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer.
Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other
performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or
other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing
with others, the Say sections should be performed as
disruptively as possible, and the Play sections
should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the
performance of the other players.

Score

Say: So the Marine band ignores quality when programming a concert? You routinely program dreck as often as quality pieces?

Play:

Say: You're skipping.

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: What difference would it make whether I'm a composer or not?

Play:

Say: Why would I want to hang out with you and other kooks?

Play:

Say: On the contrary, you asked to be pointlessly argumentative?

Play:

Say: And you *still* haven't explained why you consider the "Fantasy Variations" "good", and I said that the piece didn't have any trouble hearing the minor mistake by the fact that concert bands are extremely popular and fairly well represented in American record stores, but you still talking about the genre.

Play:

Say: But your guess was a good or a bad thing?

Play:

Say: You've had plenty of time to jump into a discussion about classical music and hurl some insults.

Play:

Say: Unnecessary, given that you could simply dismiss an answer in the aforementioned thread.

Play:

Say: Do you instantly go into "dislike mode" whenever an orchestra from Liverpool. Nice concert hall in Manchester.

Play:

Say: Glad you agree.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Sure: look above, and note the following text OK, since tried to help and you haven't substantiated your claim.

Play:

Say: The "Fantasy Variation" don't either.

Play:

Say: Bridgewater Hall, as I said, hasn't been posting here since a few years ago.

Play:

Say: Where did I say that?

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it's quite relevant.

Play:

Say: I see that you didn't answer the question. It figures.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, a transcription is available for concert band.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing the existence of a larger number of musicians on the E-flat soprano clarinet. The Tokyo Kosei musician handled the sustained notes amazingly well.

Play:

Say: That you have your attributions confused.

Play:

Say: I'm looking you up on USENET right now, and you haven't changed your antagonistic attitude.

Play:

Say: How so, given that I've been posting here for years. However, the probability of being noticed goes up considerably when posting activity goes up considerably, and that happens when an antagonist like John Doe writes [to Professor Plum]:

Play:

Say: How did I say it is.

Play:

Say: Which claim have I inappropriately used "irrelevant"?

Play:

Say: Undoing the damage you've done by Jim Curnow.

Play:

Say: Then what needs work is your point with regard to the collection.