I have absolutely zero trouble believing this. I probably send something like 150 to 250 messages on Okcupid for every single human response I get. I only write after spending a minimum of 15 minutes reading a profile, and probably another five to fifteen minutes composing a message on a subject of mutual interest (i need months to write 100 messages, but I have years worth of data from doing so). I'm not writing models or girls half my age, either. The thing is that women on those services are absolutely deluged with messages, and there is no reason to select any male in particular and there are many reasons to filter messages from any but ideal persons.The people for whom online dating really seems to work more than likely having many other options for making social contact and/or live in areas of high population density. I suspect there are a crap ton of basically average guys in those sites who just aren't going to make contact with anyone because if the way other men behave, pressuring female users to filter out as many people as possible. It sucks and I really do think dating sites prey on lonely people, but there isn't really any other option for some of us, either.

likefunbutnot:I have absolutely zero trouble believing this. I probably send something like 150 to 250 messages on Okcupid for every single human response I get. I only write after spending a minimum of 15 minutes reading a profile, and probably another five to fifteen minutes composing a message on a subject of mutual interest (i need months to write 100 messages, but I have years worth of data from doing so). I'm not writing models or girls half my age, either. The thing is that women on those services are absolutely deluged with messages, and there is no reason to select any male in particular and there are many reasons to filter messages from any but ideal persons.The people for whom online dating really seems to work more than likely having many other options for making social contact and/or live in areas of high population density. I suspect there are a crap ton of basically average guys in those sites who just aren't going to make contact with anyone because if the way other men behave, pressuring female users to filter out as many people as possible. It sucks and I really do think dating sites prey on lonely people, but there isn't really any other option for some of us, either.

^This^

If I can actually get a date from an online site, I make a good impression. But that happens like one time in 20.

Never online dated. Never really entered the dating field so I have no advice. I find that women approach me when I am fit, happy, and out in a social environment spending money and if any of those are not happening then I don`t get approached.

That ticks all the boxes for them it seems. Women love guys like that.

If you are unfit, not happy, or not out (because you are crazy or poor) then women just won`t fancy that.

Or better yet, take all that youthful energy and put it into making money... If you build it they will come.

Nah, I make a very good salary, and women avoid me like the plague. As Louis C.K. said, there are some people that society has decided will never get laid. And if you feel sorry for them, then go have sex with one. No? I didn't think so.

5000?!? Jeez, I'm a supermodel compared to this guy! I think I've been rejected 12-14 times in my entire life, but have been with far more woman than that.

Well, not 5000 women, but definitely in the high double digits.

/After that many rejections, it's not them, it's YOU, dude.

Hmm lets see. If you are constantly rejected, it's your fault. So if you have no problem getting women, you must be an ok guy. So you're saying that people like Charles Manson and the Boston bomber are better than this guy. Hell, Hitler had a lover, so I guess you think he's worse than Hitler, right?

likefunbutnot:I have absolutely zero trouble believing this. I probably send something like 150 to 250 messages on Okcupid for every single human response I get. I only write after spending a minimum of 15 minutes reading a profile, and probably another five to fifteen minutes composing a message on a subject of mutual interest (i need months to write 100 messages, but I have years worth of data from doing so). I'm not writing models or girls half my age, either. The thing is that women on those services are absolutely deluged with messages, and there is no reason to select any male in particular and there are many reasons to filter messages from any but ideal persons.The people for whom online dating really seems to work more than likely having many other options for making social contact and/or live in areas of high population density. I suspect there are a crap ton of basically average guys in those sites who just aren't going to make contact with anyone because if the way other men behave, pressuring female users to filter out as many people as possible. It sucks and I really do think dating sites prey on lonely people, but there isn't really any other option for some of us, either.

^ This.

Ugh. Coose to 2 years on OKCupid and I've had 2 serious responses.

Due to the desire for mutual interests and kindred spirits I'm looking for a geek girl. The sane ones are in stable relationships. The less than sane ones are batshiat crazy. In the past 3 years the only 3 women that I've gotten to know or started to get close to all ended up hurting me, each in their own unique way. I seem to be a great friend but any attempt to move beyond that has been met with her ending contact with me.

The "friendzone" isn't an option. If have this crazy idea of looking for friends amd letting romantic feeling grow naturally instead of pushing for that right off the bat. The 2 times that I did feel something beyond a friend I did something to make that known. Both times it ended very badly. It seemed like the idea of seeing me in that light was just revolting to them. The third time in recent years was a different kind of awkward.

I was in a long term relationship with a non geek girl for years. Eventually she grew bored and started cheating on me with a married, unemployed, wannabe artist. Throughout it I wasn't fond of not having lots of shared interests. So, never again. But like I said, the sane ones are taken and I dont want an insane one to get bunny boiling on me.

Ugh. Now I'm in a shiat mood. Maybe I'll cut out of work early and go home to try to relax.

CtrlAltDestroy:likefunbutnot: I have absolutely zero trouble believing this. I probably send something like 150 to 250 messages on Okcupid for every single human response I get. I only write after spending a minimum of 15 minutes reading a profile, and probably another five to fifteen minutes composing a message on a subject of mutual interest (i need months to write 100 messages, but I have years worth of data from doing so). I'm not writing models or girls half my age, either. The thing is that women on those services are absolutely deluged with messages, and there is no reason to select any male in particular and there are many reasons to filter messages from any but ideal persons.The people for whom online dating really seems to work more than likely having many other options for making social contact and/or live in areas of high population density. I suspect there are a crap ton of basically average guys in those sites who just aren't going to make contact with anyone because if the way other men behave, pressuring female users to filter out as many people as possible. It sucks and I really do think dating sites prey on lonely people, but there isn't really any other option for some of us, either.

^ This.

Ugh. Coose to 2 years on OKCupid and I've had 2 serious responses.

Due to the desire for mutual interests and kindred spirits I'm looking for a geek girl. The sane ones are in stable relationships. The less than sane ones are batshiat crazy. In the past 3 years the only 3 women that I've gotten to know or started to get close to all ended up hurting me, each in their own unique way. I seem to be a great friend but any attempt to move beyond that has been met with her ending contact with me.

The "friendzone" isn't an option. If have this crazy idea of looking for friends amd letting romantic feeling grow naturally instead of pushing for that right off the bat. The 2 times that I did feel something beyond a friend I did something to make that known. Both times it ended v ...

CtrlAltDestroy:likefunbutnot: I have absolutely zero trouble believing this. I probably send something like 150 to 250 messages on Okcupid for every single human response I get. I only write after spending a minimum of 15 minutes reading a profile, and probably another five to fifteen minutes composing a message on a subject of mutual interest (i need months to write 100 messages, but I have years worth of data from doing so). I'm not writing models or girls half my age, either. The thing is that women on those services are absolutely deluged with messages, and there is no reason to select any male in particular and there are many reasons to filter messages from any but ideal persons.The people for whom online dating really seems to work more than likely having many other options for making social contact and/or live in areas of high population density. I suspect there are a crap ton of basically average guys in those sites who just aren't going to make contact with anyone because if the way other men behave, pressuring female users to filter out as many people as possible. It sucks and I really do think dating sites prey on lonely people, but there isn't really any other option for some of us, either.

^ This.

Ugh. Coose to 2 years on OKCupid and I've had 2 serious responses.

Due to the desire for mutual interests and kindred spirits I'm looking for a geek girl. The sane ones are in stable relationships. The less than sane ones are batshiat crazy. In the past 3 years the only 3 women that I've gotten to know or started to get close to all ended up hurting me, each in their own unique way. I seem to be a great friend but any attempt to move beyond that has been met with her ending contact with me.

The "friendzone" isn't an option. If have this crazy idea of looking for friends amd letting romantic feeling grow naturally instead of pushing for that right off the bat. The 2 times that I did feel something beyond a friend I did something to make that known. Both times it ended very badly. It seemed like the idea of seeing me in that light was just revolting to them. The third time in recent years was a different kind of awkward.

I was in a long term relationship with a non geek girl for years. Eventually she grew bored and started cheating on me with a married, unemployed, wannabe artist. Throughout it I wasn't fond of not having lots of shared interests. So, never again. But like I said, the sane ones are taken and I dont want an insane one to get bunny boiling on me.

Ugh. Now I'm in a shiat mood. Maybe I'll cut out of work early and go home to try to relax.

Don't go home, go to a happy hour somewhere.

Srsly. You might meet your soulmate. Or you might meet a girl with an alcohol problem and poor judgement.

The whole 'nice guys finish last' is true, despite what people say. A lot of guys will just date anyone to begin with, even if they don't see themselves staying with that person more than a few weeks. They don't think too much about the girls feelings. It's just about getting on the dating ladder and getting confidence. It does make sense. Once you've dated one or 2 girls you learn a bit more about what women like in a man and how to better attract them.

The problem is that nice guys are too nice to do that. They avoid pursuing women unless they think there is some chance they would want a long term relationship with them. They never really get initial experience so when they meet girls that they do like they often blow it. But you can't change who you are. A nice guy can't just force himself to go out and pick up any girl just cause she's easy and will be a bit of experience.

Srsly. You might meet your soulmate. Or you might meet a girl with an alcohol problem and poor judgement.

/works for me//don't judge...

Ha.

Apologies for my tone. I'm been in a shiat mood all day and thinking about all this is just making it worse.

I'm not really one to get drunk. I drink for the taste, not to get messed up. Happy hour wouldn't really be my thing. As far as finding someone for some meaningless fun, I'm a tad conflicted.

Most people seem to be fairly ok with that. Some even prefer it. Previously I've viewed that kind of thing as actually having meaning and something between two people who actually really care about one another. But the more jaded I become the less that I'm able to hold onto that and the more than I just feel the need to "get me some". Going without the physical will drive a man crazy and, dammit, I just want to feel good.

The past 5 years has really farked with my personality. Sigh.

The more I think about this the better your idea seems. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Srsly. You might meet your soulmate. Or you might meet a girl with an alcohol problem and poor judgement.

/works for me//don't judge...

Ha.

Apologies for my tone. I'm been in a shiat mood all day and thinking about all this is just making it worse.

I'm not really one to get drunk. I drink for the taste, not to get messed up. Happy hour wouldn't really be my thing. As far as finding someone for some meaningless fun, I'm a tad conflicted.

Most people seem to be fairly ok with that. Some even prefer it. Previously I've viewed that kind of thing as actually having meaning and something between two people who actually really care about one another. But the more jaded I become the less that I'm able to hold onto that and the more than I just feel the need to "get me some". Going without the physical will drive a man crazy and, dammit, I just want to feel good.

The past 5 years has really farked with my personality. Sigh.

The more I think about this the better your idea seems. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

I've been divorced a year next month. Didn't start dating again until January. Met four girls online and three off. Every one of them slept with me on the first date. Their idea. Most didn't last more than 3-4 dates, one I still see from time to time, but we haven't "defined" our relationship.

I've come to accept that women in their late 30's and 40's say they want commitment (so they don't come off as sluts), but most just want to scratch an itch, just like we do. If something more comes out of it, so much the better.

Life is short. Go have meaningless fun. And it will boost the ego. Sooner or later, it will turn into something meaningful with someone. That's what I hope for myself, anyway.

Hmm lets see. If you are constantly rejected, it's your fault. So if you have no problem getting women, you must be an ok guy. So you're saying that people like Charles Manson and the Boston bomber are better than this guy. Hell, Hitler had a lover, so I guess you think he's worse than Hitler, right?

Yup. After one or two rejections, I could blame it on the women for "having bad taste" or being snobbish". After FIVE THOUSAND rejections, dude seriously need to look in the mirror and realize that the problem is most likely him.

Sure, there's ways to fix that, but unless he starts acknowledging the issue is him, it's not gonna get any better.

The signal-to-noise ratio online personals and dating sites is nothing short of atrocious -- hell, I get more unsolicited e-mails from older men looking for a cubby than I do messages or responses from women -- and I'm straight and my profile says so. That, combined with the fact online personals/dating play way too well into developing an inflated sense of self-worth, and on all sides.

OKCupid has more than a few blog posts about this that are very telling.

When I was on OkC I put a preface right at the top of my profile that stated very clearly that I never sent out introductory messages due to the horrible signal to noise ratio of creepers messaging women with copypasta and other nonsense. And that I was well aware that a nice handcrafted introductory message would get lost in the chaos. If a woman found me interesting she should go ahead and message me, and I'd respond.

And then I'd do just that. Not put forth any effort at all messaging women. No obsessively browsing of profiles. No time wasted stressing on if women were going to respond to my introductory messages.

I got on average a couple messages a day, and I seemed to have no problem lining up a date or two a week.