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And also, those traits, (both your original, and) the new ones, are vague...

HOW and in what situations would you be:

CalmTolerantPleasant/Happy

Instead of focusing on what to move away from (which hasn't been working for you, in the same way as focusing on detaching and moving away from your W hasn't been working for you), focus on moving TOWARDS those positive things...

Think about and focus on moving forward with your life rather than away from your W... You may not want to... it really, really seems that you don't want to let go of your pain... in the same token... if you have ever lost someone close to you to death... there is the option to get stuck in the pain of the loss and not move forward...

or...

you can remember the good times, knowing that that person is no longer going to be with you, and you take positive steps for yourself to begin your journey...

I am working on my goals but does not happen in 5 weeks. I'm going to counseling twice a week. He is helping me rewrite myself but it takes times. Ive recently made amends with my sister and old girlfriend which we had fallouts due to abuse/anger . This took alot of courage on my part.

Question . When she brings up D or Mediation or selling house how to I handle those questions

Tell her calmly and matter of factly, that you need some time to gather your thoughts about it. Then give her a timeframe (a couple of days, two weeks, whatever amount of time) that's reasonable that you think you'll need to be ready to discuss this.

_________________________
M:36 WAH:41M:16 T:17D:12 SS:21Bomb: IDLY 10/29/11Separated same day, about an hour after the bomb.

So do almost every other WAS. It alleviates their guilt. Again, I echo what everyone else is telling you. What do YOU want? How do you want to live YOUR life if she's not around? You're still so W focussed you're losing you.

I just spent hours reading all of your posts. I'm new at this myself. I'm no vet, and they are really skilled and wise, but from my viewpoint, I think you are doing a good job. Just my 2 cents. You seem to be working hard at a most difficult task.