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You want me to clean up your mess?

It was early Sunday morning when the phone rang. I was sound asleep. When I heard it ring, I was immediately convinced that someone had died. I rolled over, grabbed the phone and said “Hello” before I even opened my eyes.

“Susan, is that you?” some woman said on the other end.

“Yes. Who is this?” I asked as I opened my eyes and looked at the clock. It was 6:30 in the morning. I rubbed my eyes and sat up. My dog Maverick was asleep on my legs and I couldn’t feel them. He felt me move, turned his head and laid it back down. He refused to move, so I tugged my legs out from under him as I pushed my pillows up and sat back. I vowed to get a small dog the next time and pushed him with my foot.

“This is Cindy, a friend of Kathy’s. We met a few months ago,” she said. I vaguely remembered her and still didn’t understand why she was calling me so early.

“Who died?” I asked.

“What are you talking about? No one died.”

“Then why are you calling me at 6:30 on a Sunday morning? It can only be bad news and since I’ve only met you once, I figured Kathy died. Did she?”

“No, she’s fine. I was calling because I need your help. She did give me your number.”

I was confused. “So there’s no emergency, right?”

She sighed and sounded exasperated with me. I didn’t care. “No, there’s no emergency unless you consider my son going to jail…”

“Hold on a minute. You’re calling me because your son is going to jail? When?”

“Tomorrow morning if you don’t do something about it,” she said.

I had no idea what she was talking about but I knew where this was going. I was wide awake now and getting pissed off.

“Tell you what; you woke me up on a Sunday morning to talk about something I know nothing about. I’m going to get up, use the bathroom and have some coffee. I’ll call you later today. What’s your number?”

“No! I need to talk to you right now. I don’t know what to do and I know you work judges and I don’t know where else to turn,” she said.

And then she did it.

She started crying.

I rubbed my eyes and got up. “OK, go ahead and tell me what’s wrong,” I said as I walked into the kitchen and started the coffee. I leaned back against the kitchen counter and stared at the coffee pot. It was brewing too slow.

“It’s my son Eric. He was arrested a couple of months ago and he’s completely innocent! It’s a set-up and tomorrow he goes before the judge and I wanted you to be there and convince the judge he shouldn’t go to jail.”

I started laughing. I couldn’t help it. She was delusional, which gave me a little bit of a clue as to why Eric was in trouble.

The woman was an idiot.

“Oh, he was set-up? How so?” I asked as I poured a cup of coffee and added cream. I actually couldn’t wait to hear the details. I walked into the living room, sat down and put my feet up.

“The drugs weren’t his. They belonged to a friend of his and he didn’t know what was in the bag. He’s trusting like that. He’s very sweet and we raised him to trust people. Maybe he took it a bit too far, but he doesn’t do drugs and he’s not selling them like they say he is,” she said. She had stopped crying but was sniffling.

“What drugs was he ‘helping’ his friend with?” This was getting better and better.

“Umm..I think it’s called ‘method’ but I’m not sure.”

“Meth? You mean meth?” I asked. Maverick had finally gotten up and walked over to the back door and stared at me. His Highness wanted out. I got up, opened the door and followed him out. It was still early but already a beautiful spring day. I sat down at the patio table, lit a cigarette and stretched.

“Yes! Meth-something-or-other. But it’s not his and I really need you to help him. Can you be at the courthouse tomorrow morning and talk to the judge?”

I knew she was upset. Her son was looking at a long jail term and I was about to forgive her for the early morning call, but asking me to just drop everything and run downtown in the morning to talk to a judge to somehow convince him not to send Eric to jail was ludicrous. I had never met him, I barely knew her and apparently she thought I had some magical power over judges.

“So, you think he’s innocent then?” I asked.

“Yes, of course he is! He would never do anything like that. We are good people. He was raised to respect the law and not get involved with drugs. We live in a nice neighborhood. We’re not like them.”

“Them? Oh, who might ‘them’ be exactly?”

“Drug dealers.”

I chuckled. She just didn’t know and was refusing to face the fact that her son got caught with enough drugs to be sentenced to a long jail term. She believed him and I felt sorry for her. I had seen this too many times.

“Has Eric lost weight recently?” I asked. Might as well get her to wake-up and deal with her life which was about to be ruined tomorrow morning.

‘Yes, but that’s because he’s been working out a lot.”

“Has he been sleeping?” I asked.

“Not like he used to. I hear him in his room but he said he was studying.”

“How are his grades?”

“They were better last year and he’s missed a lot of school this year. He hasn’t been sleeping much….”

“Does he pick the skin on his face?” I asked.

“How did you know? Why are you asking me all of these questions? I need you to see the judge tomorrow..”

“You need to shut-up and listen to me, that’s what you need to do,” I said. Shit she was arrogant and pushy.

Dead silence. I waited a moment.

“First of all, how dare you call me up and demand that I do anything for you! Your son is your problem and not mine and maybe if you would remove your head out of your ass, you might see that he needs you to stop fixing his problems for him and instead be there for him.

“Second of all, not only has he been using drugs, but it sounds like he’s been dealing them. Now depending on the amount and if this is his first offense, he might get off with probation, but I don’t know and I don’t care.

You should be the one the go down there and talk to the judge…”

“I can’t. I have to work,” she said. “I have an important meeting that I can’t miss. That’s why I called you.”

And there it was.

“No, I have no intention of doing that, but I do have an idea,” I said.

“Oh? What is it?”

“You and your husband do our ‘Parenting Course’ and learn how to be a better parent.”

“How much is it?” she asked.

That did it for me. She didn’t ask about what they would learn. She didn’t ask how long it took or where it would be. She just wanted to know the cost.

“For you? I usually don’t charge anything for it, but for you, it will be $500.00. Each.”

“That’s just rude,” she said.

“So is waking me up early on a Sunday morning and telling me to clean up your mess,” I said and hung-up the phone.

The next morning, I called the courthouse and found out when Eric was going to be sentenced. I had met the judge a few months before. He had been sending me some people to work with in lieu of sending them to jail. We talked and I relayed my conversation to him about Eric.

“You want this one Susan? I can do it if he fits within the parameters of your program, but I’ll know more after I see him,” he said.

Shortly afterwards, I began working with Eric.

The judge ordered the Mom to pay $750.00 for my work.

He also ordered the parents onto my parenting course and to pay for that also.

That is outrageous. I am amazed at the audacity of people sometimes. This entitlement business is exactly why people can’t take care of themselves anymore. We just had a kid in our school that seems to think I should be his bus or taxi. His parents don’t know me, I’ve only seen him once, and there is no pick up/drop off permissions signed at the school where he approached me for a ride. Nor did his parents approach my husband who does know them about us giving him a ride…The answer of course was NO, and I emailed the parents to let them know he was asking for rides from people.