Bare with me, please!

Wednesday, May 02, 2012

This blog is personal but at the same time I NEED to get this out! So this is the best place for it really. I love how caring and understanding the wonderful members of sparkpeople are!

It's only been 2 1/2 (almost 3) months since I lost the baby. I still have feelings of numb and sadness. Some days are more difficult then others...especially lately. My husband's cousin just announced her pregnancy with TWINS. She is due at the same time I would have been. I try to be happy for her but I am overwhelmed with sadness too.

My parents don't understand at all. I love them but they just don't. Truth is...if you haven't lost a child then you honestly can't understand. A small part of me thinks this happened for a reason...God needed me to help my cousin's wife (and a great friend of mine now) through her first miscarriage. We have gotten so close through this. As much as I wish that we were both pregnant still I am grateful to have someone that truly understands! Don't get me wrong tho...I do have a couple spark friends as well as friends around me that do understand. I am grateful for their friendship and kind words during the past few months. I try to tell myself that its time to move on and look forward but at the same time it feels like I am leaving my baby behind.

My husband is ready to move on. He wants to start trying for another one. I think he believes getting pregnant again will somehow fill the void in our hearts. For me, this isn't the case. I would be happy to be pregnant again but at the same time...the 2 miscarriages were still my babies! I dunno if men just can't understand this or what. Brian is an amazing husband and a truly wonderful father. He does try to understand but i think mostly he just wants to move on.

I am struggling with the decision. I had planned to think about getting pregnant again in August or September...giving myself more time to grieve. Not that this is a timed process but I thought 6 months was a good idea. There was the issue with my baby sister getting married next May. I am a bridesmaid and I dont' like the idea of being 7-8 months pregnant when going down the aisle! I know I shouldn't base my decision solely on such a petty excuse but its the truth. I have always wanted a summer baby so getting pregnant in Aug/Sept would make for a June/July baby. I recently started considering the idea of getting pregnant now...It would be a Feburary/March baby...giving me approx 2 weeks to get back to my shape before the wedding (need 6 weeks to recover especially from c-section. I know that I am not the focal point of the wedding but I don't wanna be pregnant in the pictures. I have hardly any pictures of myself pregnant.

So I am torn between getting pregnant now and waiting. I know this isn't a decision that anyone can make for me but any advice would be greatly appreicated!

Beautiful, sweet Charity... Yes, this is a decision that you must make for yourself. Speaking only from my own experience, though - don't let ANYONE rush you through the grieving process. There is no deadline, no limit - each person must go through it in their own way and in their own time. If you are struggling with the decision, it often means you aren't ready to take that step. You are right, often our husbands and families minimize the pain of the loss, and seem to think that you can "replace" what has been lost.

The doctors and your family know when your body is healed, but only you and God will know when your heart and soul have healed... Wait for true and complete healing before moving forward. Just my thoughts...

hey hun, I am so sorry. I have read you blog and please take it from someone who knows about trying to "plan" what we think is best. it never works out that way.I wanted to be done having kids by the time I was 30. Well, nope it didn't work out that way. I wanted a summer baby too. Nope, God had different plans for me. 2 babies right in the middle of winter. I tried to plan my pregnancies around stuff too and learned its best to let God do the planning. I wanted to be awake for Autumn's birth, well God had different plans for both of us. I wanted to have Lane natural way, well he wasn't coming out that way and lets face it he had a hard time coming out c-section. My point is we have an idea what or how we want things but God always knows best. Pray about it and leave it up to God. I know how hard that it is to do on some days. I love you. Praying for some guidance and healing your way.

I totally understand your feelings right now. I lost my first baby by miscarriage and had to watch my sister continue on with her healthy pregnancy. (We were due about a week apart.) It was very hard on me and nobody around to really understand what I went through.

I didn't get pregnant again until after hubby and I got married. But we were pregnant right away because the pain I felt after losing my baby made me want a baby even more.

The baby you lost will always have a place in your heart. I still to this day 13 years later still think about our lost baby. He or she would have been turning 14 come August. But God never gives you anything you can't handle and he must have had a special plan for your unborn little one.

Take your time to grieve. And it is great that you are letting out your feelings (something that I never did). And only you can make the decision on when you are ready to conceive again. And hopefully your hubby will be patient and understand.

Never having been pregnant nor lost a child-------it would be hard for me to comment. Everyone reacts differently. The decision would be best if it was based entirely on how you and your husband think and feel. If you pray about it, I'm sure God will lead you in the right direction!