FYI; my ex's best-friend has also slept with this guy and when we were hanging out AGES ago, also said the same the same thing about his dick being tiny. Not being big headed here - but im quite confident in my own size, I've had enough comments to know i'm above average and i'm not really focusing on if he's bigger/smaller than me or not - there are gonna be guys bigger than me, that's a tiny part (no pun intended) of a bigger issue here.

You're an adult dude.. show me one ADULT person you know who was in an extensive relationship, broke up for an extended period of time, then got back together and lived happily ever after.

i'll wait..

Click to expand...

My friend, he is 41 - he and his now wife met at 17, dated for ages, broke up for a year, got back together, got married and everything is great for them. Not to come in discrediting what you wrote, just saying i know people that this happens too..

I appreciate what you're saying, If this was ANY other girl - TRUST me, i wouldn't be in this situation, i'd of already slept with someone else straight after, but i'm talking 18 months of previous history, ME breaking up with HER, her being drunk on her birthday and what she is describing as a mistake.

I gotta trust that what she's saying is the truth, because ultimately if i can't believe a girl who had enough respect to tell me straight out what happened, how am i supposed to trust a girl i start dating that i know nothing about?

For one, she was drunk. People do stupid shit when they're drunk, and it's meaningless. You are human and it's going to hurt, but you need to ask yourself if you can get past it.

Two, you weren't 'dating' at the time, so it's technically not cheating, though I understand the confusion considering the conversation you had just prior. Again, though, she was drunk..and I'm guessing emotional etc..

If you two really love each other (and obviously she is full of remorse) then you'll get past this. You have nothing to lose by talking and easing back into the normalcy of a relationship.

Just hug her, let her know it's ok...and move forward

Click to expand...

As a girl, let me ask - do you think that everything she's said/done (as much as i've explained) is valid?

I appreciate what you're saying, If this was ANY other girl - TRUST me, i wouldn't be in this situation, i'd of already slept with someone else straight after, but i'm talking 18 months of previous history, ME breaking up with HER, her being drunk on her birthday and what she is describing as a mistake.

Click to expand...

I'm not gonna get in much detail about why you should listen to me, but I'm glad you broke it down the way you did.

Eighteen months isn't anything. It's not the quantity, it's the quality. Now, it sounds me that you have some quality time with this female human.

She made a "mistake." She fessed up to it too. You seem wise enough of a person to forgive someone for mistakes. We all do shit when we're drunk. And if you wanna get technical and take it to Jew court, she really didn't even do you wrong since you broke up with her.

But that's the key component. You broke up with her. Whether you like it or not it's a very, very important factor. Like I said before, unless that reason becomes resolved, it'll only rear it's ugly head again. Which means that there will be no chance of making up.

Yes, people break up and make up and live on with happy relationships. But these people also resolve their issues.

My last advice for him is to see if shes pursuing him now, now that's its been a few since the night in question. If shes still pursuing him it would be a sign she really is interested. If shes left him alone its probably a sign it was a drunk night and she didn't mean it. People often leave mistakes alone in hopes other will not notice or it will blow over...

Click to expand...

No, she's not...
(obviously to my knowledge but im not about to start checking her phone)

Her and i have spent two nights together since sunday (no sex, i dont want that to confuse things for me) and we've talked a lot, I'm not going to keep questioning details on the night, i'm going to have to try and see if things can be normal between us, otherwise this will always be hanging over me and i wont be able to get past it.

She's already told him that i know and his biggest concern was whether or not i wanted to beat the fuck out of him for it and asked her to apologise to me for it, these aren't actions of someone who is looking to pursue anything further with her.

First you have to ask yourself if you believe her b/c as a gay guy I have many gf & I'm familiar with the stories girls tell guys to make them feel better such as- his dick was small we didn't finish. I think the problem is on some level you don't completely believe her.

If you believe her then you have to accept the situation and you're gonna have to let this 1 slide b/c it appears that there was no malice or ill intent in the deed. Plus if she confessed immediately & didn't do the bitch move of having you find out about it from some1 else then she gets points 4 that. Have her tested, forgive & move on with her.

That coin flip aka psychology 101 trick is brilliant- I actually used that many times & have found that based on my reaction to the flip, subconsciously I already knew what I wanted to do.

Click to expand...

Appreciate this reply bro, because at the start of the scenario the whole "details of what happened when you had sex" was more important then the act itself, (Ie; did they kiss, did he wear protection, did he sleep in the bed after it...) and i didnt believe what she was saying.

BUT,

Then i started thinking rationally about it all and thought ultimately i can't be mad, i can be upset - but not mad, she made a decision and a mistake, it was wrong - but she will have to live with that herself and i wont be the one to punish her for it. Her feeling bad for hurting me is more then i could ever do to her.

I've been thinking i want to give this another go.. oh and trust me - first thing i said after i calmed down and started thinking i can get past this is, "You're getting tested before i ever sleep with you again".

But that's the key component. You broke up with her. Whether you like it or not it's a very, very important factor. Like I said before, unless that reason becomes resolved, it'll only rear it's ugly head again. Which means that there will be no chance of making up..

Click to expand...

Without putting too much of our life out there like that ...

She was going through a period of anxiety/depression, I was going through some issues with my life and we stopped talking about things, we spent nights just being around each other, getting drunk and trying to shut out the world. It was debilitating. Rather then talking it out, i decided that breaking up would benefit us more as it felt like we didnt want to be around each other.

Those issues have since been addressed by both of us since we broke up and the thing that gets me, is that i wish i had of seen what the problem was before i broke up with her. I never actually WANTED to be away from her.

We've spoken about a lot of things, not just what happened that night - but the reasons we broke up and we both acknowledge that we should of talked more before the end.

If i'm honest, the time with her up too about a month before it ended was amazing, best time/relationship i've had - small things just became big things because there was no communication.

Well then, to be honest, you sound like you're ahead of the curve. Eighteen months might not be a lot, but in being able to address the issues and to talk things out, you've upped the quality of your relationship significantly.

Fine man,dont listen.
She was drunk when she said she loves you and when she fucked that dude,but you gonna say fucking is meaningless and saying she loves you isnt.
Be consistent.

Click to expand...

Horrible comparrison,

In 18 months of being with her, you think she never said she truely loves me? she used to text me after we broke up telling me she still really loved me too, I can't remember at any point drunk or sober where she told me she wanted to fuck somebody else...

Edit: Have you ever had meaningless sex with somebody before whilst drunk? I know i have, so i can understand where it's coming from.

As a girl, let me ask - do you think that everything she's said/done (as much as i've explained) is valid?

Click to expand...

My take on it all is as follows:

First, you ended the relationship, not her, which means she was the one left wondering what she did wrong and the one who was hurt. The fact that a line of communication opened up again and she is willing to sit with you and talk speaks volumes. To me, it means she still cares.

While alcohol does make one do stupid things, it has also been known to act as a truth serum. She didn't have to tell you about what went on with said 'friend', and the only reason I can come up with as to why she did is extreme guilt. The details/reasons she gave were in an attempt to downplay the event so that telling you would be easier. It doesn't matter how small his dick was, or how drunk she was....it happened. You have to decide whether or not you can live with that. (also, in this last two months, have you been with someone else? Or, what are the chances she hasn't? It's immaterial, as neither of you owed the other anything at this point, and you both had the right to do as you pleased).

You have absolutely nothing to lose by sitting with her and talking everything out. There are things that need to be said and dealt with. Give it time, you'll know if it's meant to move forward again, and for that matter, whether or not you want it to.

And, what Lucy said......fuck what anyone else thinks. This is about the two of you, not them.

Well then, to be honest, you sound like you're ahead of the curve. Eighteen months might not be a lot, but in being able to address the issues and to talk things out, you've upped the quality of your relationship significantly.