It’s almost been a month after touching down in Malaysia, in a place where I have been longing to live my life, ironically I have never felt so unsettled before.

Is this because of my progress on dissertation, our relationship or having no income at all? I couldn’t tell why.

We’ve had countless fights and hurtful blames, it’s 26/7 2:25a.m., you went for team dinner right after work, and texted me at 12:35a.m. You know I always believe on my sixth-sense, and this time it tells me that, we are practising, either to live a steadier life together, or to live a single life all over again.

Remember I’ve told you that I’ve missed single life recently, and the shock in your face made me a little curious. Tbh, don’t you miss your single life too? You don’t have to wait for a call, you won’t have any expectation, a life with no disappointments.

Rather than putting it as single life, maybe I should say I miss myself who are not so easily shaken.

I believe the day when I can be calm with whatever that comes to me, is nearing.

I just want to thank you for sticking with me together and believing in US by going through lots! I really hope you’re happy being with me because I am damn sure about me being more than happy to have you by my side.

Another 4 days to your birthday and I am sorry I couldn’t do much. But don’t worry baby we will celebrate it once you’re back and we will spend the next birthday’s together.

Few more months you’ll be home and I really looking forward you to come home and I am really looking forward you to come back so we can continue our journey together.

It’s been the 366th day since I knew you, and it is not easy for sticking with the same person over 12 hours per day on the phone, sharing about almost everything in life.

Still I remember when I started talking to you, it felt close, regardless how short the period we knew each other, i felt safe and secure, and you seemed to be understanding what I’d been through, and standing ahead of me. You wanted to know me as a person.

It’s been 366 days talking to you, and I think we completely know about each other, and we stuck there. Going through the daily routines, saying the same thing, the same dialogue, and saying things which I know what you gonna say before you saying it.

Guess the same thing happened to you too, when I said something.

Is this a good thing or a bad thing? I’ve got no idea, but I thought we wouldn’t.

You asked if I’ve lost interest towards you, I wouldn’t say I do, but I lost interest in the dialogue which we already knew what we gonna say, but we still keep saying it for the sake of keeping in touch.

Do I still get excited when you’re calling? I wouldn’t say yes, because that would definitely an insincere answer, I’m picking up and sometimes honestly I would prefer staying silence because my productivity was at its best.

Is that mean if I change the communication habit means that I dont love you, if that’s the case, I would be disappointed, because I really thought you would be up for whatever that’s best for me.

These few days I’ve been thinking of going back to a councelor for counselling service, but I dont know where to, I searched for different books and videos regarding studying and trying to dig out what’s the problem, but all these days i bet you never realised what bothered me, perhaps I am good at hiding it, or perhaps you’re not that observant anymore.

Okay, I should get back to my studies now, and I think we should really take a break, just a few days, trust me.

I have this thought if you would post something up here, and you really did. funny thing is we only post things up here when we ‘re arguing, which i dont think this is the purpose for us to set up this website.

I am sorry for what happened earlier. Recently I’ve been trying to get your attention. I am really stressed with work with that one project that I am bearing. I am sick of getting bombarded. Almost everyday, and I couldn’t find a way to solve it. I really feel incapable to cope with my work knowing that in another 3 days I will be having appraisal interview with my boss.

Having you is the best thing, but recently it’s hard to get your attention. I understand that you’re stressed there too with your dissertations and also assignments. Often when we are facetiming you’re on your phone. I tried hinting you by playing my phone too when on the phone with you but I don’t think you realize why I did that.

I have a lot in my head. My heart feels heavy. I didn’t want to let out because you’re so far away and don’t wanna burdened you with my problems as well. We’ve been comfortable with each other and baby I am like no other man that he thinks he will be happy when his gf/wife is away from home so that can have their time of their own. Every time you’re at work I’ll wait for you till you’re done and home safe then I sleep. ( Yes sometimes I slept off 😦 ) But baby. I still love you more than anyone else. I bring you wherever I go not because I am clingy but because I can and I didn’t expect that from you the same. But when you call to talk to me please talk to me. I don’t mind the time where we call and talk absolutely nothing because I know you’ve got things to do.

Recently I got jealous is because I feel like your friend Han is closer to you but I am not. We need to be how we used to be baby. Please.

I miss you and I miss us.

I am sorry for what I’ve done. I am sorry for times that I put you through. I am sorry for allowing tears to roll down your cheeks. ( I Felt like slapping myself just now)

I’m not sure if this fits with my wish, but if you were to ask my feeling rn, i would say

Happy: 85%
Neutral:10%
Feeling I should be sad: 5%

Just a feeling that is this my weak performance or incapability?

But what they told me was: Fantastic presentation, very well-prepared and good structure, don’t have to worry about my presentation proficiency, I am the only one who was so prepared for the presentation. And when it comes to theinterview, I gave brilliant opinion about the gender requirement and mandatory requirements. But the way I have been doing things and I am doing things is different with Travis Perkins’ culture, as to work in Travis Perkins we have to deal with alot of ambiguity and unclear tasks, which might not be the same case as what I’d come across. It’s all about getting the right person for the right place.

So, I asked: is it because of me lacking of experience or whatsoever reasons?

She said no, we are not looking for someone with alot of experience for the internship, the way of doing things is the only reason for that.

SO! Probably this is the most beautiful rejection I’d ever come across!

Thank God for the opportunity, I really learnt alot from the interview!