New Zeppelin Port Announced

In line with Minnesota’s new statewide transportation plan and the City of Minneapolis’s recent push for slow travel via streetcar, the newly formed Metropolitan Zports Commission (jointly managed by the Metropolitan Sports Facilities Commission and the Metropolitan Airports Commission, with a 30% stake held by local entrepreneur Z. Wilf), along with the Foshay Tower, have announced a new Zeppelin Port initiative. The objective will be for people to ride comfortably in the clouds from downtown to downtown of major American cities. Service is expected to begin in August 2015 on a route between Minneapolis, Milwaukee, and Chicago, with a parachute drop over Madison.

The Zeppelin will dock atop the Foshay tower, and board and alight via a newly constructed Zipline between the Foshay tower roof and the 30th floor of the IDS Tower.

“If you want slow inter-city transportation, High-Speed rail in the Midwest will undoubtedly be slower than a Zeppelin on trips from Chicago to Minneapolis, considering actual travel distances and stops”.

Minneapolis Anti-Skyway Coalition supported the bringing of inter-city transportation downtown, but was disturbed by the construction of a non-street level zipline between the Foshay tower and IDS Center. Their main objection was removing potential customers from the street-level, and the possibility of aerial food-trucks powered by Unmanned Aerial Vehicles (drones) (the famous taco-copter) serving passengers hanging off the zip-line waiting to board the Zeppelin.

Minneapolitans Against Food In Air (MAFIA) were also opposed, suggesting that taco juices would rain down upon street-level pedestrians.

Minneapolis Mayor RT Rybak immediately endorsed the project as bringing vital jobs and conventioneers to the City, and suggested a second zipline (which he dubbed “The Hipline”) to connect to Target Field and the Vikings Stadium.