A State of Embarrassing Confusion.

By Any Comparison…

This morning, as I went on my morning coffee run (I have a coffee maker but it’s for decorating purposes), I started noticing a thing I was doing. I was actively comparing myself, to other people – strangers in the street. “Look at him, off to work…or school.” “Will my coffee lady think it’s strange I’m getting coffee at 10 in the morning instead of being at work?” “What will become of me?”

What’s interesting is how natural, how effortless these thoughts came. Obviously, I have reason to be thinking theses things; I just quit my job and my 10 years in the education field does not translate to very many other things; but still, it was so easy to compare myself to someone else.

It’s been said, that we, as humans compare each other. We compare ourselves. It’s human nature. Like when we judge someone based on first impressions. There’s no solid explanation, just accepted theories. But if we are to be our own individual, with our own path and our own unique talents, experiences, etc; why do we feel the need to compare ourselves?

Maybe we’re used to our parents comparing us when we were younger. I can’t tell you how many times, my mother compared me to my peers or herself: I wasn’t smart enough, skinny enough, ambitious enough, essentially good enough. But I now know better, and while she doesn’t compare me as much, I also don’t take stock in her comparisons.

Nod intently and find a point on the wall. Now.

So why do I do it to myself? I panic when I think friends my age are married, have children, in a relationship, successful models, bankers, teachers, artists, social workers, and the only thing I’ve accomplished is rearranging my closet (new shelf!) and getting coffee – already made for me. I’ve been told and sometimes agree that everyone is on their own timetable – we are all successful in our own right and our time will come, yada, yada, yada. It’s the unconscious sizing up of people and comparing them that bothers me.

Emphasis on the plural form of cat.

I realize we do this primarily because we, as humans on earth, we want to have an impact. We want to make a difference. We want to be seen, heard and valued. However, we don’t have any tools that will tell us how to attain that. We don’t know how to get there. There is no WikiHow or DIYs on that (I Googled). So we compare ourselves in order to have a template to follow. Whether it be our parents at our age, or our peers. It can be a bad thing when we take it too seriously but I’ve resolved that I’ll just be more aware, draw inspiration when I can and not take it too seriously. Who knows, maybe someone’s comparing themselves to me. Good luck with that.