‘If you can’t handle the chat, get out the Hugh Rob’: University unveils new motto for 2014

The University of Edinburgh has announced that it will be introducing a new motto for 2014, in an attempt to modernise its outlook, and thus attract more students who would not traditionally consider a university education.

“If you can’t handle the chat, get out the Hugh Rob,” will replace the old motto “Animadvertisine, ubicumque stes, fumum recta in faciem ferri”, a phrase which has had its meaning lost in translation, and can’t be deciphered by the failing university Classics Department.

Speaking to Flipside, Edinburgh UniversityPrincipal Timothy O’Shea said: “We’re always getting stick in the papers for being an ‘ancient’ institution adrift in its history, but with this motto, we’re really showing how contemporary we can be with our use of urban language and student-cultural references.”

According to various sources, other proposed mottos included: “Yaya, Yaya Toure”, “Big Cheese > Acceptable Exam Feedback” and “Yes, you applied to do a specific degree, but in your first two years you’ll scrape together 120 credits from whatever courses are free and fit your schedule”.

“All those options were good, but we believe the one we’ve chosen is clearly the best,” added at chuckling O’Shea. “It portrays to prospective students everything the university is about – over-aggressive banter and completion of essays at a ridiculous hour in a dingy 24 computer lab.”

“Hopefully students who like the sound of this will apply, and those that don’t? Well, they can get out the Hugh Rob can’t they!?” O’Shea then proceeded to make a strange gesture with his hands before cackling uncontrollably and falling backwards from his chair.