CWRU introduces new varsity yoga team

In hopes of finally winning an University Athletic Association Conference Championship title, the Case Western Reserve University Athletic Department has recently invested thousands of dollars to promote and begin recruiting yogis both from the current student body and the incoming freshman class. Yogis, the term for those who embody the yoga philosophy, will be given the chance to be a part of a new spiritual family that will represent their university. Director of Athletics Amy Backus revealed the sport won a staff vote by an overwhelming amount, beating out lacrosse, water polo and badminton despite being its first appearance on the ballot. After running the concept by the University Athletic Association board, it was determined that all other conference schools would implement their own teams by 2020.

Backus gave an Athenian reporter exclusive information, stating that “Washington University and the University of Chicago have already begun the recruiting process and will be ready to compete against CWRU next year.” The season will begin in October and run through March. The events and their descriptions are as follows:

Try to Twist: Participants will show off their best unnatural yoga pose

Warrior One Wower: The person who gets a leg cramp last wins

Child’s Pose Charmer: Whoever has the prettiest child’s pose wins

Headstand Hullabaloo: Technique and form will be judged to determine who’s the best at being upside down

In addition to pride, the first place team will receive funding to buy lululemon gear. Applications will be available soon for yoga instructors to have the chance to join the CWRU Athletic staff. Training regimes will include one day of lifting a week, three days of room temperature yoga and one day a week of hot yoga. Individuals of all pronouns are welcome to participate in the audition week the last weekend of September 2017.