Our experience has been that there is no subject in life on which total strangers feel more qualified to advise us, than on how utterly thoughtless and wrong we were in deciding not to have kids.

My wife gets "oh, you'll come around soon enough" and I get "oh, your wife just hasn't told you it's happening yet", as if we are both incapable of making a decision, and I'm a helpless drone.

So, now anyone who keeps going after two jokey "haha, we can't even keep a plant alive" brush-offs, and a polite but firm "Kids have made many people we love very happy, but we've chosen differently" now gets one or more of the following, depending on how hard they push:

"So, Jim, how are your finances? What kind of porn do you like? Are you faithful to your wife, Jim? When you were a kid, did your dad hit you? I mean, if we're going to get intensely personal, let's really go for it."

"Well, to be honest, we really did want kids, but after that seventh miscarriage we just sort of gave up."

"Yeah, I really wanted kids, but ever since my wife got out of prison this last time, they've got all these crazy rules. Can't be unsupervised with this, can't go within 500 meters of that, it's ridiculous!"

"Well, Mary, my wife really wants kids, but the doctors say it's just not a good idea for me to sire children, what with that Hitler gene and all. Just can't take the risk."

Eh, I think it just comes off that way because, for a lot of people, it's literally the only place they can vent their frustration about that topic. A lot of people (women in particular) are in family or social situations where the decision to not have children elicits an incredibly negative response from their family/community. When they find a forum that allows them to be open about how they actually feel, they can go a little overboard.

Yeah, there's people on there that hate kids. Good thing they're deciding not to have them. There's also a ton of people on there who can offer some really great advice for people who are unsure or resources for people who need help that they can't get from their real-life communities. It's probably not the kind of place you want to subscribe to, but it's nice to check in on once in a while when you're looking for some catharsis or a little affirmation that you're making the right decision.

And we get called selfish for our decision. I think it’s selfish to procreate just to impress people or to fulfill some societal standard, because at the end of the day, you’re having kids not because you want them, but because you think you HAVE to so that you’re accepted by others. Also, you’re putting kids in a miserable existence at that point.

Fuck that, I’ll be a dope ass uncle who will do fun shit with his niece and nephews while also being able to travel the world with my SO.. whenever that happens lol.

Or the emotional burden! Even if I did have the money to raise kids someday, I can't imagine being at the beck and call of an entire other human being and putting myself at their disposal at all times... far too introverted over here, I value my quiet time. Being an aunt would be cool, though!

I thought that sub would be a nice place visit to share in solidarity with other people who struggled to have kids and couldn't or didn't want them. After about 5 mins there I had to go to r/aww and scrub my brain from that filth.

Yeah, I get not liking kids or not wanting them. I really wanted a place to share my ideas, struggles, and other mishaps with people in a similar situation. What I got instead was judgmental people who threaten kids with violence, mock people who do have kids, and other awful traits. I just don't want any part of that misery.

I posted there a few weeks back asking about sterilisation as I had twins when we only planned for one and I was met with judgement and downvotes. I was as polite as I could be but still just a stupid breeeederrrr.

Hey there! Sorry r/childfree didn't work out for you; I frequent it quite a bit, but still kinda cringe at some of the BRANT posts sometimes for the extremism. Usually it's a pretty good place for getting sterilization resources (and has a sterilization-positive doctor masterpost if you're having trouble looking for someone willing to give you your surgery, which you can access without interacting with the community) but off the top of my head, I'd also like to suggest that you check out r/hysterectomy, r/sterilization and r/birthcontrol if you're still looking for answers!

Seriously, though, it sucks that people weren't hospitable to you. I personally haven't seen anyone advocating violence against children (it's actually strictly against the rules to do that there, even if it's "just a joke," so???) but they're also pretty guarded against most folks who have kids just because the community is specifically for non-parents and they're worried about getting bingoed half the time, which does occasionally happen (people coming in to harass them and such, doesn't mean that it's OK to preemptively lash out at parents tho). Nonetheless, I think it ought to be open to anyone who's being polite about it, so lemme know if I can get you any info or anything??? Might know something or other off the top of my head, I'm not an expert but I do a lot of browsing, lol.

I subbed there for a bit because I figured it'd be a place where we would discuss how awesome it is to have disposable income, discuss hardships of how hard it is to not be invited to things by your friends simply because you're the odd one out without kids, and the likes.

I mean, I don't enjoy the company of children. But these people take it to a whole new level. It is hate speech. It was bad.

It's a sub where people rant, yes, but also a good resource for people who want sterilization or advice on dating childfree, etc. If you're told everywhere else that you'll change your mind and suddenly want all of the babies, why wouldn't you be a bit angry and want to vent to like-minded people?

My girlfriend had that from her long-term doctor. Had been going to her for years regularly, always saying the same thing, never with a doubt in her voice. She eventually changed doctors and it took her six years and probably half a dozen doctors to get one who would tie her tubes up.

What's even more hilarious is that she once turned the question back one one of the doctors that told her that. She got the whole "oh, you'll change your mind" from an older woman doctor. She said she asked the doc "so, do you have kids", to which the reply was "no, I've never really wanted one." That was the last appointment she had with that doctor.

33(F) here, it is scarry how many doctors use the "you might want a biological kid later" spiel. I'm 33, not 19. I know what I want out of life and I know what I don't want!

I love that me and my partner could just quit our jobs and ride a motorbike around Europe for 6 months. I love the freedom I have of going out to eat whichever night of the week we feel like without hesitation. Most of all I love how noone depends on me, my SO can feed himself if I feel like going out with a friend!

I would not trade any of this freedom and great financial situation for anything. And if I change my mind 10 years from now I will be 43 and wouldn't it just be better to adopt or foster a child?

I really don't get the fixation with that you have to want a child and it has to be a biological child. Maybe I will want kids when I'm like 65 or something, but then it's too late for a biological pregnancy either way. Having my tubes tied in my 30's won't change that so why not just let me have it?

So absolutely true! Why is this the one subject -- which is a deeply personal subject -- where people feel entitled to comment on your life and your decisions?? We don't mind talking about it with our close friends, but when people you barely know pester you about this, that's when I'm like WTF?!?

I used to give the generic replies too --"can't keep plants alive," "cat/dog is enough," "we're kids ourselves" -- until finally I just flat-out told people "We don't want them." Then of course they ask why. I just say, "It's personal. But let's talk you. Why haven't you ...."

My husband is even worse and has gotten much angrier about it over the years, so he sometimes just tells people we've had serious medical issues that are no one's business and that they should consider those possibilities before they ask an asinine question. He definitely takes the rude route, but after years of this shit, if he makes people feel bad, I could give a crap about them tbh.

And I agree with your other post. The childfree sub is downright frightening. The hate on there against parents and babies (who are sometimes described as cockroaches) is not what I expected when I went on there.

I don't know why we can't all just act like normal human beings and respect everyone's choices -- you want kids, great. You don't, great. You want to get married, great. You don't, great. Common sense.

Tell me this - how much interrogation from total strangers, about the most intimate details of our lives, would YOU consider appropriate?

Does putting up with five minutes of these questions mean I'm not an asshole? Ten minutes?

How about our dear friends who've been trying to conceive for a year and a half, with no luck, after $50,000 worth of fertility treatments? How much information are they required to provide to strangers about their medical history, so as not to seem like assholes to you?

Oh nice I figured they would give you a hard time about it. I've considered getting one myself since I don't want children. I see my sister's situation with 2 running around and that's not something I want to do. Her and her husband can barely go out on their own.

To get the tubal ligation I always wanted, it took: 8 years of begging my doctors despite a latex allergy and health issues resulting from birth control, an unwanted pregnancy (which is what I wanted to avoid in the first f****ing place), then calling (truly literally) 130+ doctors to finally zero in on what can only be described as a freaking underground railroad of nurses and finally a doctor who would listen and help. I lived in my home state of Alabama at the time. It was a nightmare. But hey, I got an abortion and a tubal for my 30th birthday. :/

You know what's fucked up, though? We let kids do some stuff to themselves so they learn from their mistakes. Yet, we won't award adult women that same freedom.

Kids have more freedom to potentially make mistakes than women.

Meanwhile, we teach kids that it's not okay to touch other people's things or go through their stuff without their permission, throw tantrums, hit people, call them names be bossy...but it's somehow perfectly acceptable for someone's SO to go through their emails, phone, etc. Controlling behaviors and attitudes run rampant. Many people remain with partners who hit and call names -- behaviors we admonish children for.

We hold children to higher behavioral standards than our partners.

People are woefully inconsistent.

edit: typos

Meanwhile, we teach kids that it's not okay to touch other people's things or go through their stuff without their permission, throw tantrums, hit people,call them names be bossy...but it's somehow perfectly acceptable for someone's SO to go through their emails, phone, etc. Controlling behaviors and attitudes run rampant. Many people remain with partners who hit and call names -- behaviors we admonish children for.

Wholeheartedly agree. I was laughed at—Let me repeat: LAUGHED AT—by one gynecologist (who is a woman for chrissakes) when I asked for a tubal. The icing on top was when she followed the laughing up with, "I think you're a little young to make such a big decision. You're going to have a hard time finding a doctor who will even consider this until you've been married for a few years with at least one or two children." Beyond discouraging and infuriating.

Hey, congratulations! I've never wanted kids and have known that forever. Thanks cervical damage from HPV I can't carry a child anyway but I can still get pregnant so my insurance won't cover a tubal until I'm 40! My doc is furious and going to bat over and over for me because there is simply no way I can carry fetus past a few weeks and even if I could, I don't want to. Doc says if they won't cover it soon she'll work something else out with me.

Because they have seen hundreds if not thousands of patients in their lives and a fair number of women who are adament about not wanting kids do change their minds in their 30s. It is easy to extract sperm from a man's testicle with a needle and do IV fertizilation if he really and truly changes his mind later.

Because they have seen hundreds if not thousands of patients in their lives and a fair number of women who are adament about not wanting kids do change their minds in their 30s.

Yea, and I dig that, but people make decisions they regret all the time. That spice girls tattoo? That history major? Joining the military?

It’s odd to me that people are adults that can make their own decisions until it comes to their own reproductive organs.

Women specifically.

And I know - some of these people might sue. But that’s some dumbass American shit. Easy fix is slapping people with frivolous lawsuit charges and forcing them to be accountable for their choices - even the ones they made years ago that they now regret.

I've come to the realization that the "regret" argument about sterilization is largely BS.

People are allowed to make all sorts of dumbass or frivolous medical decisions with minimal pushback. Want cosmetic surgery? Sure thing, nobody's going to harass you about that. Circumcision for infants? Fuck their consent, go ahead and do it regardless of the fact that there are zero meaningful benefits. If a person, especially a woman, wants to get sterilized though they're supposed to agonize about it, beg doctors and then maybe get approved because of the supposed risk they'll change their mind. It's ridiculously obvious that a different standard is being applied for this particular procedure.

There are some differences between men and womens' situations. Vasectomy is an office procedure whereas tubals are real surgery that needs to be done under general anesthesia in a hospital. Men also have no other options for contraception. Women have a number of choices, some of which (IUDs, nexplanon) are as reliable as surgical sterilization. I can understand why a doctor would encourage a patient to go for a less invasive option before going straight to something that requires all the risks of having an operation.

Also (and this may just be because I've been exposed to too many whiney redditors) I think women are more likely to throw a fit on the internet about doctors with backward views about sterilization. Men are more the types to just say ok and call up the next urologist on their list until they'll find someone who says yes.

I can understand why a doctor would encourage a patient to go for a less invasive option before going straight to something that requires all the risks of having an operation.

Oh, me too. There's just no acceptable reason for a doctor to refuse to perform a procedure an adult who is capable of making their own reproductive decisions. If they're adult enough to pursue the option and understand the risks, they're adult enough to take on that risk without the intervention of their doctor.

I think women are more likely to throw a fit on the internet about doctors with backward views about sterilization.

If that person regrets that decision later -- too fucking bad. People need to learn to live with the consequences of their decisions.

I've been considering getting snipped and I'm only in my 20's. Even if I can't have biological kids, I feel like the adoption process is a better route to go if I ever change my mind. Biological kids just seems like a terrifying roll of the dice where there's a chance of a lifelong disease like cerebral palsy or autism. I don't know if I could comfortably take that risk.

I personally don't hate them it's just for one I have a fear of being like my dad and being terrible at it. I also don't feel like I'm good with kids anyways and I live in the same house and my niece and nephew and I don't interact with them much or just feel awkward doing so.

The first sentence of your comment is very underrated, and I wholeheartedly empathize and agree. I also understand your disconnect with kids. I’m the same way.

Growing up with an alcoholic father, who was very physically abusive towards me and extremely neglectful (even slapped me so hard that he burst my eardrum, caused severe bleeding and I had to deal with tinnitus and random discharge for years after that particular incident). Maybe my mother was scared, but she lied to the doctors and acted like nothing happened when we were at the hospital and at home. He walked out on us shortly thereafter. Haven’t physically seen the bloke since I was 10 and I’m 23 now.

Maybe she adopted some of my fathers behaviours, but my mother became very toxic in her own ways, as well as probably being a undiagnosed bipolar and continuously trying to emasculate me in pathetic attempts to “assert her dominance” in the household.

A toxic mother is just as bad as an absent father in my opinion. No wonder I resent her and seriously limit any sort of contact, barring an emergency or pressing situations.

I honestly don’t think I’m sufficiently equipped to be a good father, or parent for that matter, due the fact that I’ve only ever had shite examples of motherhood and fatherhood whilst I was growing up. On top of all the negative memories, I’m fairly certain that I probably have some hidden emotional baggage and reservations. My preferred method is to suppress it all and focus on personal growth, improvement, and continually striving to become the best version of myself.

If I ever did have kids, my primary motivations would be to give my children the experiences and treatment that I secretly wished for as a kid and never received. How can a person begin to love a kid, when they don’t even have much love for themselves ?

Sorry, mate. It wasn’t my intention to dump some of my “unsavoury” lived experiences on you. I reckon that you understand what it’s like to have an unhappy childhood. No use looking back, just have to keep moving forward. Cheers, mate.

Fortunately mine wasn't abusive but he was and still is an alcoholic that preferred pounding beers in the back with friends and letting mom handle the kids inside. So while he wasn't abusive he never made any real attempts to be involved in pur lives. I personally never felt connected to him in any way. I do remember him putting me down quite a bit growing up which looking back affected my self esteem big time and I was already having issues with in school where I was also picked on. I would continue but this will start to feel like a therapy session.

"I won't marry someone who wants kids, and if we change our minds, we'll adopt or use a surrogate."

Doc "your husband will want biological children, and you won't be able to give that to him."

And on and on and on and on.

Women face so much trying to get sterilized, because of what men in our lives may want. I have a child, chosen and planned, but my doctors still wouldn't sterilize me after his birth (I was 31!) because "my husband may want more"... He doesn't, and if he does, he can figure that out himself, I'm not putting my body through that again.

Just jumping in but as a woman who definitely doesn't want kids, it does make dating extremely hard. I'll be 26 in the summer, and I've yet to find a guy who doesn't want kids. I hear all the time, "you just haven't met the right one!" and it's partly true...only my right one won't want kids either.

I've always said on the first date that I never want kids and no amount of time will ever change that fact, the conversation has ways come up organically. I haven't met them and within the first five minutes and gone "I NEVER WANT KIDS.... EEEEVVVVVVVVEEEERRRR"

Because I would never want my time or their time to be wasted. You can't compromise when it comes to them.

It's probably the reason why I've been single for the past 10 or so years.

I feel you on this. I live in a city of 1.5 million and have expanded my dating area in apps by maybe another million people.

I filtered by women who are between 25 and 45, non smoker don’t want kids. Got 6 women total. Feel like I’m just going to have to wait until I age to the point women give up on thinking they can have kids.

Maybe this depends on the city? I feel like a lot of my friends who are women don't want to have children. They're all like masters educated yuppies. I was in LA recently just out of curiosity did a search on Bumble for no kids and got a ton of results.

Dating is alot harder since 95% of people want kids or at least havent ruled them out entirely

So this is obviously kind of unethical, but when I was single and dating I'd be pretty vague about whether I wanted kids, or just pretend I was still undecided. This wasn't a good way to find a life partner but I didn't care, I enjoyed doing the serial monogamy thing and bouncing from gf to gf every few months.

Over the past few years I've come down definitively on the idea that I don't ever want children. The interesting thing to me is how much life seemed to slow down after I made that decision. I have a lot of friends who are hustling in every aspect of their lives. Working long hours to advance their careers, building the foundation for a stable, lifelong relationship with their partners from college or right after college. Just doing everything they can to prepare for the ability to start a family in the next decade or so.

Meanwhile I'm just chilling, plodding along career-wise, slowly building up experience and a skillset. Taking on self-improvement projects, trying out new interests or hobbies. Getting drunk and watching movies with my roommate/good friend. Hooking up with people or doing a fun low-key relationship. Saving money, investing. Doing all this without that pressure of needing to be fully-realized or stable before I'm too old to start a family. I can kind of just stop and smell the roses a lot more.

That's what helps me feel confident that I'm making the right decision. I've always been a chill, go-with-the-flow, kind of person. To me kids would require the kind of sacrifice and change of lifestyle that would make me drastically less happy every single day. The pressure just seems endless. I need room to breathe.

After 18 years of being a child and 4 years of college, which was an extremely stressful experience for me, I felt like I had finally won my freedom. Why would I ever want to voluntarily give it up again? Especially so soon.

It's funny, even when you're confident in your decision, there are still moments of doubt, or just simple FOMO from watching all your friends go through a shared experience that you aren't. It can be a little lonely. That dream of a spouse and kids and a pretty little house with a white picket fence while you climb the career ladder (everything growing upward continuously) is so culturally ingrained, you can never really fully escape it. And even in the most staunchly childfree people, that biological drive to reproduce can still flare up from time to time.

I definitely sometimes feel like I'm kind of just drifting along and not trying to "make something of myself," or whatever. But, part of my decision is that I reject the idea that there is an actual need to make something of myself or that I need to have some singular passion that drives me to conquer obstacles and try to have it all. That there is a singular "right" way to live. At the end of the day I think we just need to try and make ourselves happy in the best way we know how, by being true to ourselves and what we want out of our lives.

For a ton of people that means achievement and realizing large goals and ambitions in their professional/personal lives. Having something they can see and hold and take pride in for having created it or accomplished it. That can absolutely be a wonderful, rewarding way to live, but I think, too often, it's presented as the only way to live.

People don't focus on their career in their 20s just to have a nest to pound out a baby into, they do it because they enjoy the responsibility, respect and money that comes from having a good job.

By the time you are 30 you should be fully trained up in your job (some exceptions, like if you're working to become a brain surgeon) and on track with your life. I say "should" from the perspective of employers and potential mates. By 40 you've probably peaked in your job. Some people will go a little bit higher from there and some will have taken a step back. From that point you are basically coasting until retirement, hoping nothing bad happens along the way.

Nobody is really going to care that you learned how to make a dope live-edge table with an epoxy river down the middle when you were 24.

He's saying to spend your twenties working as much and as hard as you can, and keep on that path until you're about 40 and then you can take a break. Otherwise people you want to work for and people you want to date will judge you for being a slacker.

And freedom. I decided at the drop of a hat I wanted to go hiking the other day, I just pulled on some pants and walked out the door. If I had kids I’d never be able to do that. I’ll stick with being a uncle and living my life

A pretty large portion of the interesting opportunities/moments that come by in life don't come by with a lot of notice. If doing anything required significant advance planning, I wouldn't get to take a lot of them.

That comes in every form.

I got a promotion in significant part from talking about an idea of mine over quite a few beers with a VP. If I had kids, I would presumably not have spent 3 hours at the bar after work/our meeting with no advance planning. Opportunity gone.

Most of the rest of the world doesn't plan too carefully. I get calls from friends regularly who are passing through my city, or want to know if I want to hang out or whatever, on no notice. I would see far less of them if such occasions had to be planned in advance.

Hell, I had a great last minute weekend travel deal pop up (Boston-LA round-trip, $125) in my inbox on a Friday morning. Checked with the boss if I could call out for Monday, told a friend I was showing up and crashing in their spare bedroom, threw some stuff in a suitcase and caught the latest flight out, had a 3 day LA vacation for basically nothing.

You get the idea. Maybe you could do one of those things once in a rare while, but you can't do that on a regular basis. And that's how I can live my life.

In high school I worked as a lifeguard and rotated around a lot of neighborhood pools, basically I did coverage when someone had to go on vacation.

I got to see a lot of parents spend time with their kids. I’d say many families were really happy, but I’d peg about 20% that it was obvious they had kids because “that’s what you do” or by accident. It was really sad to watch how parents would act like their kids were a major inconvenience, it was clear they felt trapped by the kids.

Are all parents broke and tired? No. But I'll bet even the happiest parents have shitty, kid-related days. And I'll bet sometimes those days happen in public where people like me see it and think to themselves "even if 70% of parenthood is the blissful wonderment that people want me to believe it is, I'm not interested in that other 30%, becuase my life is pretty blissful as it is"

Now, credit where it's due, there are a couple countries where parents are happier than non-parents, and about ten countries where the happiness gap is more or less negligible, but here in America the happiness gap is pretty big and favors the childless.

I could also find some studies showing how much more money the childless will have than parents, but I don't think anyone is going to argue that having kids isn't expensive.

Thank you for that study. Seems like the biggest reason for unhappiness with children is the financial burden and lack of social policies for parents in the US. But the amount of money spent raising a child shouldn’t be a shock to anyone.

Yeah I've seen that number thrown around a lot. I've always thought that number is over inflated, just based on experience of being a father of two. Never cared enough to look into it either. Out of curiosity, what does 29% for housing include? I clicked a few links but could not get to what that includes.

Never regretted the decision, spend more time with like minded people because I don’t like listen to people with kids complain about them all the time. I plan vacations and weekend getaways while they do school runs, sleepovers and piles of laundry.
Looking at what’s happening in the world today I’m glad I didn’t have kids

I'm 37, my wife is 36. No kids. Don't want em ever. Life is awesome. We bought a small house (paid cash) for the two of us, now both work part time because it is all we need to do. Plenty of free time to do the stuff we both enjoy.

My brothers and sisters all have kids, and are happy. I do not have kids, and am happy. Just life your life for yourself and you will be happy.

Was married for 10+ years. We agreed at the start on being in the hell no forever camp. She did change her mind (her prerogative of course) and I couldn't (my prerogative). Led to the end of the marriage.

That said, still don't regret it. Tried to come around to the idea when she did but just couldn't do it. See kids and/or people who have them everywhere I go and still happy with the choice.

No regrets at all. Some people don't seem to understand it, and can't accept that other people are different to them. I get the impression that it is because they don't seem to understand why they do want kids. They just accept it without thought and assume everyone else is, or should be, the same.

I'm 43 and my wife is 45. We've been married for 14 years now, and we have no regrets about being child free. We still enjoy spending time with each other and lots of travelling. As the years have gone by and our friends started having kids, some have chosen to exclude us from their lives and their children's birthday parties, while other friends have embraced us being the child-free couple. We love spending time with their kids and enjoy watching them grow. Over time, we have gravitated towards hanging out with our other child-free friends and have made friends with other child-free couples. We don't feel any "emptiness" or "lack of purpose" that some people assume we have. The only thing I can say is that I really don't appreciate being shunned by our friends who assume that since we don't have children that we don't like children. That's an attitude that really needs to die.

Been with my SO for nearly 11 years and we're both mid 30s now. She went through a spell in her late 20s early 30s where she kinda wanted one, but kinda wasn't sure enough to do it. So we never did, and now neither of us have any real interest.

Things are simpler, of course, we can do what we want when we want, and usually can afford it too. The only thing I would warn you about is your friendship group. If you have a lot of friends that are all having kids/have kids, it will be tricky to maintain those friendships. If you can find other people who also don't want/have kids then it won't be as much of an issue.

Don't regret it but of course I'm still young at 24. However I've had the idea of being childfree since I was in my early teens.

All of my friends who now have kids seem from an outside view to be miserable. Struggling financially, they have less and less time for fun. Obviously many have stopped talking to me due to their kids, which is just disappointing but hey it's their life.

That is interesting, perhaps part of the reason why is in the south it's more "traditional" and the idea of "children should focus on buying a house getting married and having kids" is still very much alive and pushed on the younger generations. Whereas in the northern part of the US people focus more on individuality? Idk. Perhaps I'm wrong but it's interesting nonetheless.

This needs to be boosted. The psychological toll having children takes on someone’s life is insane. I don’t want to work to get to a stable point in my life just to throw it away and have this experience. In my opinion, having kids is a 70/30 toss up of misery vs joy... and even with the “joy” I find the concept of having and raising kids a bit narcissistic in its nature to create mini versions of you and to Mold them into a slightly different version of you. It’s very strange

The psychological toll having children takes on someone’s life is insane

It certainly can, but on the other hand, I've seen the psychological toll infertility struggles have taken on people I love, and how much happier and fulfilled they are now that they've managed to have their desperately-wanted kid. (I personally can't fathom wanting a kid that bad on an empathetic level but different strokes)

I'd say it's definitely more on the "will" side. At least, it will ruin what your life was before. You lose a ton of time, freedom, and money that you'll never get back. Kids are a permanent change in your life in the sense that your life afterwards will never be the same as beforehand. I'd say that counts as "ruin."

How can you say that having never had kids and experienced it though? I've been without kids and with so I have perspective on both sides. I agree it will definitely change what your life was before, but ruin is a huge exaggeration

47 & 52, We decided not to have kids when I was 37. We had a long discussion and came to the conclusion that we would take the leap for each other (I'll do it, if you really want too), but noticed that individually we didn't have the drive for kids (That personal feeling of really wanting a child). So, we spoil our nieces and nephews, attend all our friends baby events (contrary to popular belief we obviously don't "hate" kids), and are thankfully old enough that ppl have stopped hassling us about having children.
Now we travel, go on last minute adventures, sleep in on weekends, and look forward to early retirement. We also bought into a progressive care active living community so when the time comes someone will help wipe our butt's. Having kids is no guarantee that they will care for you, or that your child should be expected to care for you.
Anyway - soul search, have a deep meaningful discussion w/your partner, and in the end do what's best for you both and yourself.

Before that, people would tell me that “I’ll change my mind”. What a lot of bull. I’ve not once felt that I will change my mind. I knew that having children wasn’t for me and nobody has the right to say otherwise.

Anyhow, my life is pretty good. DINK, so my wife and I can go on holidays whenever we want and we can have days/nights out without restrictions. We also don’t have to have a car that is suitable for children. Our house doesn’t have to be child friendly either.

I am 29 and a female. I decided not to have children at the age of 19. So, for 10yrs I have been telling people the same things, "I don't want children because I don't want my precious child in this messed up world."

My husband(36) and I have the same views and he had a vasectomy for a few years ago and I still usually get the same few responses:

"Oh, you're still young; you'll change your mind."

"If it's God's plan, you'll have children."

"That's how I felt before I had a kid." (Usually now parent of 3 or 4 kids and always seemed tired and don't have time to be with their spouse along or anyone else) Have you heard of BIRTH CONTROL??

Now when I tell them my husband has had a vasectomy, they always respond with a disappointed, "Oh."

How is our discussion not to have children anything to do with them?? Them being co-workers, family memebers who we rarely see, and friends who have children but now don't see often because they have 3 kids.

I am sure I will hear the same thing until I'm in my 40's, so I'll have to come up with some cleaver come backs.

My best friend became a mom at 23, so I'm going to use her age/life as my life without children so far... My 6yrs of not having children has been great. Instead of listening to a screaming child and worrying about if I was going to be a good mom, I was out mingling, working towards my career, saving money and was able to buy a house at the age of 26. I have 2 amazing dogs (see below for pics) and I was able to wait and found the man of my dreams vs feeling obligated (he or I) to stay in a relationship because of a child.

I truly think it's time to start teaching teens and young adults, it's OK not to have children. Some people REALLY don't need to have children. A family doesn't mean being married and having children. A family is what you make it to be...

I don't regret my discussion not to have children. I have two great fur babies and they are all the children I need. (Still trying to talk the husband into a 3rd lol!)

We always tell people we don’t want kids and then they say “oh one day you will!!” Why is it so hard to believe that a couple sat down and had a discussion about not having kids?? My wife had cancer so they say she may never be able to have kids, plus chemo was really hard on her heart & pregnancy its stressful on the heart. We decided its not worth the risk. Most people get the point once we explain that, but its insanely frustrating having to tell everyone that, a simple no we don’t want kids should work.

Funny how every child-free adult seems to love their life and has nothing but good things to say about their decision to not have kids. However, there are many parents that willingly admit that having children was a mistake. This just solidifies the fact that I never want to have any kids.

It's really apples to oranges. I thought I didn't want kids. But my wife accidentally got pregnant. I cant possibly describe the love I have for this tiny human. I dont cry. Like ever. It was my shitty dad fault that I bottle everything up. But as soon as i found out I'd be having a girl i cried in front of the tech doing the ultra sound. And for every ultra sound after. And when i first heard my baby cry, when she was born, i sobbed harder than I ever have. Not exaggerating. She fills my heart and when I'm away it hurts me.
That being said. Before she was here I would've been totally fine with no kids forever. But knowing what I know now has changed everything. I know this doesnt really answer your question. But it's just my 2 cents

However, I do stop telling people, unless it's close family, that we made the choice not to have children. There were some people who I thought were really level headed, that once I told them that they totally blew up on me. I had no idea how offended people got when you told them that you did not want children.

My wife and I love our life, it's quiet, we can go on vacation whenever we choose and are able to save a good amount of money. No regrets, would do again :)

After reading a lot of the comments in this topic, I feel I should say as a person with a 3 year old son, and a daughter on the way: Life with children is NOT a death sentence!

Yes life is stressful. They take up a lot of time and money. Constantly getting sick, breaking things, making noise etc. It can be a handful. But they add a layer of love in your life that can't be experienced any other way. Some things in your life will have to take a back seat. Naturally. But children aren't the "end of it all". It's just another chapter.

I can certainly say that it isn't for everyone. If you've made the decision to not have kids, more power to you fam. Enjoy your extra cash and free time! But those of us that did decide to have kids aren't miserable, nor do we hate the lil bastards.

I think if you asked this question in reverse most parents would say they don’t regret having kids. My feeling is that layer of love you’re Talking about is not something you can understand unless you have kids, so CF ppl don’t really feel like they’re missing it because they’ve got plenty of love in their lives. Personally I think it just comes down to whether you feel driven to have one or not. I’m curious about that extraordinary love that parents talk about, but it’s not a driving factor for me at all. I’ve got lots of other kinds of love and really don’t know the difference. Thanks for your input, as someone on the fence it’s great to hear from everyone.

Had my first daughter at 27. I’m 30 now. I never wanted any kids, but she came and I don’t regret it after she was born a year and a half later my second daughter was born, and I’m glad it happen that way now they will be the best of friend( well one can hope for that). The love is something else. I have 2 lil mini me, and have to teach them and guide them through life. I love the challenge, and when I see my 2 year old learning to talk, song, dance, play, and show love back is the best feeling in the world.

Plus someone has to keep the human race going lol.

Everyone has their own preference. If you want to have kids or don’t. There is no reason to hate on anyone’s decision.

Amazing. I travel abroad every year. I have a larger amount of disposable income. Every time I go to a Target and hear screaming children I wish I could kiss my vasectomy scars. Biological reproduction is an artifact of a bygone era. If you NEED kids, just adopt.

Do you know what over-population is? At some point in our recent history, making breeding less of a "toss a handful of genetic material and see what sticks" and more "let's make sure you are going to raise this thing correctly" we would be much better off.

My partner and I don't have kids (27 and 25) and honestly we're not sure if we want them. I think that, if anything, it's made our lives a bit easier. I'm a student working on my PhD, and she works from home. We have a dog and a cat who we dote on, a solid amount of disposable income, purchased our first home last year, and can travel pretty freely. We don't want to change our lifestyle for kids right now.

I got my vasectomy at 30 with no kids. It’s great but the only concern is wondering who is going to take care of me when I get old. I figure with all the money I save I can hire someone else’s kid to visit me when I’m at a nursing home.

Edit: my parents understand and fully support my decision. They always knew I’d never live a normal life.

Awesome. I'm 33, my house is almost paid off, and my savings act. is high enough that if I literally save no more, I can 100% retire when I'm 50 just by not touching my savings.

I really dislike kids, so no downside.

Only negative I see is that a bunch of my friends had kids and fell off the face of the earth completely. They literally do nothing but stay at home and never have visitors or anything. They just do "kid" 24/7. They all look miserable and tired like they've been beaten down.

I'm childless woman by choice, and boy was it a hard road to get here. I had a heck of a time trying to convince doctors that I wanted a tubal, and that was a fruitless (pun intended, sue me) pursuit for 8 years. Very frustrating to say the least. I enjoyed some long relationships with guys that didn't want children but changed their minds and assumed I would, too. Nope. From there on out, despite feeling weird about it— I had to make sure to let anyone I dated know as early as possible that I didn't want children and that my feelings on the matter were non-negotiable. I'm now engaged to a nice fella who feels the same way I do.

At this point, I've disappointed (very Catholic) family members by getting a tubal, and I still can't wrap my head around how anyone could apply feelings/ownership towards another person's reproductive decisions. My fiancee's sisters are fruitful multipliers, and seem to think that I'm some kind of evil volcano hag who hates kids or is bad with kids (couldn't be further from the truth—I love kids and am great with them—I just don't want any of my own). My fiancee's mom has embarrassed me at family gatherings by making comments about our decision in front of everyone. Things like, "I can't believe you don't want kids. The kids love you. You'd be such a good mother!" It's overstepping to say the least, and plain rude to drop it into conversation at the dinner table. Saying it once is more than enough, beyond that you're just being a jerk. Drives me bonkers.

Despite that, I don't regret my decision. I fought hard and had to endure some ridiculous b.s. to get my tubal, and it remains one of the best healthcare decisions I could have made.

Late 30s. Starting to get worried about my wife being alone after I die.

Would I like a kid? A bit. I do feel like I'm missing out a bit in the baseball games and the first shaves and the like. And, as stated, when you're old, it's nice to have someone around who will love you.

But babies, yo. So much time. So much money. So much gross. And the risk to my wife during childbirth.

The older I get, the more I think I've chosen incorrectly -- but, presently, child-free still wins out.

I'm 35 and my girl is 41. We have moments when we spend time with our friends with kids that we truly enjoy, but when all things are considered, we both feel like we made the right choice.
We are both pursuing our second career in Stand Up Comedy and are having a blast. From time to time, we do some charity work, and we always help out our friends, this takes away that feeling of selfishness that hits us from time to time.
Overall, I think it depends on your goals in life. For us, no kids, is the right choice.

I’m only in my early 30’s, but the freedom is amazing. I’m able to go back to college with no hassle because I don’t have to juggle it with a family. I also have no ties to my ex-wife (except some bad memories). I’m more looking forward to when I graduate and have all that disposable income. If all goes to plan, I should be able to afford to buy a house in about 3 years.

37 and I don't regret it at all. My brother has 4 and I know I'd be terrible at it, so I made the smart choice and didn't do it. When you have kids, you live life on someone else's terms. Your life isn't yours anymore, it's theirs, as it should be; which is why I didn't want any kids.

37F married to 32M for 3+ years. We both individually never wanted kids, discussed it before our first date, and are still very happy about the decision. We have traveled all over the world (5 new countries) in the last couple years and when all our friends are at home bc they can’t get a sitter, we are out to dinner or a wine bar on a random Tuesday. We attend concerts, golf tournaments, and just anything last minute without thinking about the cost or whether or not we need to be home at a certain time. We have 2 cats and that’s enough responsibility lol. No credit card debt, plenty of savings, and don’t have to worry about college funds. We both like kids in small doses, but are also both introverts who enjoy our alone quiet time. I can’t imagine coming home from a busy day at work and hearing a screaming child or having to clean up a huge mess. For us it was a lifestyle decision as well as knowing we are better of financially in the long run. As a woman I have never had the desire to reproduce and the hardest thing for me has been having to listen to idiots on a weekly basis who just meet me and say “you’ll change your mind.” Tired if explaining my life decisions to people I hardly know but other than that it’s great lol.

I've known I didn't want kids since I was about 13. 43 now and have no regrets. My partner and me are on the same page and we live a fulfilling life together. We're heading to Mexico for a week in 10 days. Tonight I'm going to hang out with my buddies. This weekend me and the lady will probably play video games and set up our new bed, maybe make homemade pizzas for dinner.

Life is great, but it's definitely easier as a man to tell people you don't have and don't want kids. My partner gets all the "you'll change your mind" and "biological clock" type comments, but she's now 40 and I think that people are finally believing that she's serious.

I am 39 and my wife is 36. We have no kids and are on the fence (and running out of time) about having them. I personally have never wanted kids, but school and then having the ability to travel has kept her from pushing having one. We do have a standing agreement that if she wants one, we will have one.

With that, I have loved not having kids. We vacation once or twice a year to small islands in the Caribbean, weekend trips to a local beach, and generally do what we want. We have 3 dogs that we must take care of, but that is not too difficult. We also get to sleep how we want and not have to depend on keeping a kid alive. I have ZERO regrets of not having a kid. None. There is literally nothing I regret about not having kids, I cannot express this enough.

I should note that on top of never having wanted kids I have taken a disliking to humans as a whole as I have gotten older. I also think that we are destroying this planet and repercussions could manifest in the next 75 years. Why would I want to subject a kid to the worsening situation that is humanity on this planet?

Holy crap you guys sound just like us! 32 F and 33M and we’re totally on the fence but leaning towards not having kids or adopting maybe. Not interested in bringing another human on to the planet with all that’s going on, right now anyway. We also have 3 dogs and life is great. Not sure if we will have one but I’m pretty opposed to changing our amazing life any time soon. As soon as we started talking about NOT having one as opposed to having one I felt a great sense of relief. It’s not off the table completely, in case someone changes their mind, but as far as I’m concerned we’ve got lots of time to decide. Thanks for sharing!

Right on man! We sound very similar! It is so hard once you start living that DINK lifestyle to change! Coupled with the world issues it pushes one to think "I could live just fine traveling and being free!"

My best friend and her husband decided not to have children and stuck with it. They are now in their mid to late 40s. They haven't regretted it. Especially this week while they have been off on a ski trip in Europe.

Speaking as someone who has a couple and fucking love them: don't cave to the pressure. It's a lot of work, it's quite expensive, you sacrifice a lot, and more. if you aren't sure that those tradeoffs are worth it for you, you'e probably made the right call. don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

My biggest problem with people insisting that children are the way-to-go is, that they're implying "having children is basically an opt-out". Pretty bold statement if you ask me.

Just as you pointed out: If you are not entirely sure you can do this and not entirely sure you are willing to go through all this stuff (+ making all those sacrifices): DON'T. As simple as that.

Technically speaking: Having children may yield the worst possible worst-case. Suppose you aren't sure about having a child. You decide to go for it and it turns into a 20 year long clusterfuck, where your entire life goes out of the window and you are stuck with a child ruining, what you wanted your life to look like. You cannot possibly "fix" that. You cannot make your child disappear and revert your decision.

In the end you may fuck up not two, but three lives with your decision.

Maybe it's just me, but having none but kinda wanting some, sounds better than being stuck with them but not wanting them.

I'm gay and married so that does effect things. I told my mother I was never having children long before I told her I was gay. I've never wanted kids and I never will. Ironically I'm also a teacher, weird career choices.

Lifestyle wise it's allowed my husband and I to leverage our finances in ways that would have otherwise been impossible. We're both in grad school and that's a minor financial inconvenience rather than a real strain. We are both fit, healthy, and well fed not dad bodding out. We're also always well rested which makes it easy for us to take on work without much difficulty. Our relationship has suffered few if any bumps.

Overall I think we're much healthier for our decision not to have children through any of the several ways that are available to us.

We have a great life without loin fruit. Money in the bank and no worries. I do get tired of the parents that want us to join in their misery though. The best one I've heard so far is "who's going to take care of you when you're old?". Me, the same person thats been taking care of me my whole adult life.

People think their children are obligated to take care of them when they’re old. Well, they aren’t. It would be nice if they did, but they don’t have to. Tell your friends to either be really nice to their kids or have a Plan B just in case.

Female here, it’s worked out well. I think it’s very responsible for a couple to have a conversation about children and as long as no one is compromising their wants, then it’s two adults making a grown decision.

Now, that doesn’t mean you won’t or can’t change your mind somewhere down the line. Life can take many turns and you never know what might happen that activates a maternal or paternal instinct. It may be a new conversation must be had at that time. Will you both be onboard or go your separate ways to fulfill that desire to be a parent? That’s an adult decision too.

Here’s what I know about me, when I’m getting to know someone one of my first questions is how they feel about children? If a guy says he wants children or wants to have more children, that is a deal breaker for me and I’m honest about that. I’ve had guys try and do a 180 and say it doesn’t really matter or say we can adopt. No and no. If a relationship were to grow, I don’t think his love for me could fill the void of becoming a parent. If he’s lying about it just because he thinks all women want to have kids, then he’s a loser anyways.

The desire to have children is strong for some people. Most people have kids due to lack of planning on their part. Either way, once they’re here, they are a huge responsibility and need to be treated as such.

Aside from the normal pressures and stresses of life (maintaining gainful-employment, consciousness, etc) things are great. My time, my most precious commodity, is mine to spend as I see fit, my money, not precious, but important, is also mine to spend as I see fit.

This lifestyle allows me and my GF to travel abroad at least once a year and see our friends across the country and enjoy our hobbies.

23, turning 24. Maybe I'm a bit young to be contributing to this thread. But honestly, I have a handfull of peers I went to school with who are now happily married with children.

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I really don't think I'm "father material" just yet. Don't get me wrong. I'm sorting myself out and working on myself. I'd like to think I'm leaps and bounds ahead of the average for where I'm at in life. But I'm not ready. The day I become a father. I want to be able to know with certainty that I'm ready. I want to be married, and lightyears ahead of where I'm at right now in life. And I want to do so intentionally. I want my little boys and girls to have the kind of life I only dreamed of. And I hope by that point in life I will have grown so much that I can help mold them into wonderful humans themselves. I won't continue the neglect or lack of approval my parents passed on to me. Will my children be privileged? Abso-fucking-lutely. But they will be taught the values of hard work, honesty, and integrity.

I want to have a happy nuclear family at home. I think that it would be wonderful to have a loving wife and a couple little ones. And right now, I just don't think the time is right.

I want to have a happy nuclear family at home. And right now, I just don't think the time is right.

Considering the costs of raising a kid, not to mention the sheer time investment needed once you've crapped one out, it's basically been like winning the lottery. My life is basically a vacation compared to what it would be if I'd never talked my ex into that abortion.

For those who have chosen a life without kids, do you regret your decision?

Hell no.

What kind of things have you noticed living in a world full of people with kids?

Once you have a kid, that kid becomes your life. Most of your conversations will drag back to talking about your kids. You're no longer an individual, but a person whose life now revolves around your kid.

I had a child at a very young age. Later, when I was looking for love, I chose a wholesome woman who would make a great mother. She did just that for my daughter. After being together for 15 years and my daughter being long out of the home I finally gave my wife children of her own. Personally, I would have been happy without children but I "owed" it to my wife. My first child came when I was 16. At 36 I finally got to experience the freedom of being a childless adult for a few short years. Now I do still have thoughts of what it would be like to have that freedom again but know I'm committed for another 18 years now. I'll be 60 when the kids are finally off to university. I love my kids and do get joy. No regrets. Still, my advice is if you don't have some deep need or longing for children then don't have them. With the cost of daycare alone you could take a one month foreign vacation every year. Your weekends can be spent on your hobbies, not reading cat in the cat for the thousandth time. There are way too many people in the world already anyway.

Positives:
- We have lots of more freedom to do what makes us happy.
- We have a lot more money to spend on ourselves.
- No one depends on me. If I feel like seeing a friend after work my SO can feed himself.
- We can live where we want to live, not just wherever we can find a big enough place on a small enough budget.
- We can drive what we want to drive (motorcycles) I stead of what is required to carry around a family.
- We can travel at times when there is not a school holidays, which means cheaper tickets and less crowded places.

Negatives:
- As a woman you're constantly told that you're wrong.
- As a woman, other women will often blame your man or your single status for you choise. Common comment: "You don't have to settle for that, you can find a man that makes enough money/treats you better/makes you want kids".
- As a man, my SO often just gets the "she just havent told you she's preggers yet but don't you worry it will happen to you when she wants to"

Summary:
The negative things comes from other peoples' attitudes and the general idea it is ok to critice people who are different from themselves.
The positives comes from you own life. Do what makes YOU happy! This is going to make you feel a lot better for a lot longer and you'll be lot better at handling illness etc if you're generally happier.

I’m single and in my mid-twenties, so I can’t give you any answers to your question.

But I’d like to ask you one. Were you nervous when you first met your SO and told them you don’t want kids? I’m fairly certain I don’t want any either, but I feel like lots of women my age want kids in the future, and I’m nervous that I’ll scare them off.

I love kids, and I’m fairly certain I’m going to be an uncle within the next 5 years or so, but when it comes to kids of my own, I don’t want any; I just want an adventure filled relationship with my SO being able to do whatever we want, whenever we want.

Were you relieved to hear she didn’t want kids? Did she say she didn’t want kids first, or did she change her mind because you didn’t want kids?

Either way, I’m happy for you. I wish I found a woman who doesn’t want kids; I feel like they’re hard to find.

Unfortunately you will find some women who say they’re onboard with the idea and the next thing you know, “Oops”. Some women think a man doesn’t know what he really wants until he has no choice but to accept it. Here’s a tip, if you meet a girl and she’s driving a roadster and as your relationship grows she wants to trade it in for a sedan because they are “safer”, run because she’s imagining a car seat in her future and this is the first step to nesting. #forreal

Female here, but so far so good. I'm only 33 yet, but I have a partner with the same goals and our future looks bright. He knew from a young age that he didn't want kids (like 18) but it wasn't something I came to the conclusion about until my late 20s. Never been happier.

49YO here, married 20+ years, child free by choice. Our lives are uncomplicated, and relatively low drama. We have awesome close friends, though we're the only couple in our group child free. We've received no flak from our friends about being CF, and only an occasional jab of jealously from them (you get to sleep in? All the time?!!)

We're lucky in that our friends don't force their kids on us, and we're not averse to spending time with their kids from time to time. I think it gives each of us a chance to have a short glimpse into the road not taken.

Although I'm pretty good with kids, I never wanted them for myself. My wife isn't really good with young kids (though she does just fine with older kids). She's more of the "no kids ever" camp. That being said, she's always doted on our nieces & nephew and goes a great "nutty aunt" routine with them. (They're grown now.)

All in all, it was the right choice for us. We're both busy professionals, travel when we can, and work rewarding, but difficult jobs. I see the ups and downs of children with my friends. Although I can appreciate it from a distance, it's just not for us.

I'm early 30s and have no kids. GF is in the same boat. She likes kids but loves giving then back to their parents.

The waking up every 2-4 hours and then the next 16+ years of being responsible for that person terrifies me.
Things we do that our friends with kids can't/won't include lots of camping, boating, VACATIONS, parties, fun events with no stress, and never having to buy a minivan.

I’m 45 and child free. I do not regret the decision, but there is a few things that I did not expect.

I had a lot of really close friends that chose to have children. I still see them, but they are very busy with their children, and once you see them it is usually with their kids, and all meetups has to be planned long in advance. I am still waiting for them to come out from the other side of the whole kids tunnle.

I thought I would do a lot of fun stuff with all the time and money I saved. To some extent that happened, but working is tiresome, and most evenings are spent in front of the computer or tv anyway.

I know that I was not built for kids, and relieved that I dont have the stress or financial iussues or responsibilities children bring, just wanted to add something more to the discussion than ”life is perfect without kids.”

For me, (46yoM w/ 2 teenagers) after I reeeeeeally thought about it, I decided I was too old for a second set. Plus, I found a great woman that didn't want any, so it was an easy sacrifice to make. Beyond that, I don't really tell people about that choice. I politely listen to their kid stories, but don't offer any of mine. It avoids the entire confrontation behind different choices / outcomes.

Maybe I'm unqualified to answer since I haven't exactly chosen to never have kids, but I have no plans to do so, I'm celibate for religious reasons, and really do not want a relationship.

Honestly, there are lonely times and it looks good on paper not to be alone, but I'm grateful more often than not because I know myself as have been in bound relationships before in which I was miserable. It seems the ultimate tragedy to be married with kids and hating my life. I enjoy my simple life with minimal responsibility and abundant simplicity. I like going out to eat and doing what I want alone. If I were to disrupt that, I would really have to love that girl, and my children would have to be perpetually four.

It is difficult being 30 in a world where I am a minority, however. People do look down on you and usually don't have a lot of time for you outside of work.

Honestly, there are lonely times and it looks good on paper not to be alone, but I'm grateful more often than not because I know myself as have been in bound relationships before in which I was miserable. It seems the ultimate tragedy to be married with kids and hating my life. I enjoy my simple life with minimal responsibility and abundant simplicity. I like going out to eat and doing what I want alone. If I were to disrupt that, I would really have to live that girl, and my children would have to be perpetually four.

Not me, but my dad always tells me that meeting my mom and having 4 kids changed his life. Before he met my mom he would go out and party, get drunk, take a day to sober up and then after that volunteer as a fire fighter for the town he grew up in.

He sobered up, I happened, they got married, and 16 years later, it's all good. He's an EMT, and wishes he would have went into some branch of the military so they could straighten him out.

He never says he regrets everything, but he says had he been able to redo his life, he would have attempted to straighten himself out earlier.

Mother of 3 teenagers that are my whole world, yet have several friends my age who do not have children nor do they want children. I love those friends and they love me and my children.

I've never understood why people want to push others to have children. That's their business and their lives. They should live the life that makes them happy. I'm happy being a mom and wouldn't want a life without my kids.

My non parent friends know this and love us any way. I can't stand when others push their ideas of what they think life should be like onto people.
We should all be able to happily live our lives how we want and coexist with others who choose a different path.

Your life is your choice. If you don't want kids then by all means don't have them. If others pry into your life and tell you different then those people don't belong in your life. My happiness is my babies. Just because your happiness is different doesn't change my view of you.

Sorry for such a rant, but I hate when strangers make comments to my loved ones because they didn't want children. It's honestly none of their damn business ! It's your life. Live it how you want.

He abused my sister and me for over a decade, so I stopped contact with him over a decade ago now. My sister has just turned 18, and moved out, and has told me repeatedly that he wants nothing more than to talk to me. He has also made numerous attempts to contact me but I basically hold him to shove it.

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I think he's slowly realizing that having nobody around him is an awful way to face his mortality.

Well, I think I wouldn't exactly be a good and responsible father...I like children, a lot actually, but I'm just chicken shit with responsibilities.

Also, I don't make enough to leave my parents yet and I'm already 27, minimum wage living in my city is almost impossible with all the crazy rent prices in the area.

Also, my brother is getting married next week and have plans to have children by the end of this month, so my parents will become grand parents either way, the family will go on and I don't have to worry about it.

My wife are about to turn 25 and are highly invested in school and work. We both decided to not have children before getting married. Personally, I never thought about having children and didn't get that spark that some people get about children. I've men and women who have always dreamed of having a couple of kids running around. I don't feel that way and don't see myself changing anytime soon. My wife and I are looking graduate school where we will both be heavily involved in a number of things. We also have a lot of other things that we want to like traveling to Mexico or Japan. I am not saying that these things can't be done even if you have kids but realistically it's really hard to. A lot of my friends who have kids don't spend nearly as much time doing the things they used to do because of their children. They love their children but it's not the same thing. It comes down to your own personal desires and what you want your life to be like right now. You have no obligation to have kids and thats ok. Just continue living with your partner and enjoy your time now. Go to another country, eat a lot of food, drink, and whatever else.