8 handy tips for surviving days of partying

Hey all, I should be napping/cleaning/at work/slapping on sunscreen right now, but instead, I pause for a moment to tell you: We’re on day two of Total Fest. Day one was mellow. Okay, well, for some people it was mellow. Some of us rawked hard, started arm wrestling matches, ate hella tacos, fist pumped and engaged in witty conversation until the wee hours.

Anyway, our goal for Total Fest is, as always, to party as much as possible without passing out or feeling sick. Our goal is to be energized! Hydrated! Drinking water! I’m drinking water RIGHT NOW! Are you? Water is awesome! More awesome than beer, even!

To wit, I present some handy tips I have learned from being a degenerate 20-something:

3. One Beer Per Band. OBPB! Write it on your wrist! For my size and liver, one PBR tallboy per band’s set keeps me in party mode without reverting into barfy mode. If you think you can watch your carbs/calories by sipping hard liquor, well, good for you, but I find that I get schwastey real fast that way, and end up drinking more beer anyway because a rolling drunk only gathers more moss. (Or something. I dunno.)

4. Smoking is bad for you, don’t do that. It will make your hangovers worse. (Science!)

5. You know which kind of smoking I meant.

6. Fact: getting up and dancing around helps your body process alcohol, gets your heart rate going, and generally makes for an even partier evening. The shows will be more fun, you will not be as hungover. Magic.

7. Sleep occasionally. Last year, a certain MPN editor raged hard for the first two days of Total Fest, barely sleeping and roaming around all the after-parties and then doing the Big Dipper record swap and a matinee show at the Lab, went to work for a few hours, and then crashed really hard. This totally wasn’t me or anything. I am determined to not let that happen this year.

8. I’ve kind of run out of ideas at this point. Get some exercise, drink some water in between all that beer; this stuff ain’t rocket science. It’s party science.