Look, there’s no need to belabor the point here. I have great respect for your basketball mind and your body of work. You just reeled off a 44-10-9 in fucking Year 16. But it really doesn’t need to be this way. Just hear me out on this.

By the low standards of baseball, Indians starting pitcher Mike Clevinger is an interesting personality. He loves good vibes, has a flowery tattoo sleeve on his left arm, and frequently wears customized cleats, even if that means pushing back on MLB’s dour uniform rules. Clevinger also has long hair, which means he’s…

Through all those tough years in Orlando to his current stint in Phoenix, the most notable feature of Elfrid Payton’s game has been his head. Not his “basketball IQ” or his “clutch mentality”—just that majestic drooping frond on top. Every season it protruded further past the point guard’s forehead. It looked like it…

President Donald Trump’s workday on Thursday included two actual things. That day officially began at 11 a.m., per his public schedule, when Trump received his daily intelligence briefing. There’s no telling how long this takes, as Trump famously likes his briefings short and colorful and chart-based; there is no…

Bryce Harper’s hair has already generated muchmorediscourse than any baseball player’s hair reasonably should. That is, in all likelihood, about to get much worse. He posted the following picture on his Instagram story this evening during the Nationals’ game against the Marlins:

Hair loss, like death, is coming for us all. No matter how strong your genes are, life eventually steals your flowing locks and turns them white, or, worse yet, takes them altogether. You can fight it, but nature always wins. Which brings us to Manchester City attacker David Silva.

Are you in Denver right now? WHAT A COINCIDENCE, so am I! Why it’s like we’re practically family. Anyway, I have a reading at the Tattered Cover tonight. Come out and try to guess if I smoked legal weed BEFORE the signing, or if I had the willpower and professionalism to wait until afterward.

The members of Puerto Rico’s baseball team dyed their hair blond for the World Baseball Classic, and as they’ve advanced through the tournament, the people of Puerto Rico have been catching on to the trend. In fact, “Team Rubio” has inspired so many Puerto Ricans to go platinum, the island is running out of hair dye,…

Clint Frazier, the prized outfield prospect the Yankees acquired when they traded Andrew Miller to Cleveland last year, has amazing hair. It’s long and red and voluminous and I honestly get kind of jealous just looking at it. Unfortunately for Frazier and those of us who appreciate a good mop, the Yankees have robbed…

Donald Trump’s sense of self-worth seems to be based entirely on his status as an alpha male. He’s obscenely competitive, feels entitled to women, and is apparently fixated on the size of his dick. One hyper-masculine symbol, however, appears to have eluded Trump his entire life, for Donald Trump has never even shown…

New York Jets quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick ended his holdout last week and presented the public with a beautiful, thick head of hair, along with a beard that could smuggle at least three birds within it.

Regular Fellaini hair: cool. Fellaini hair dunked in a vat of peroxide so that it loses its appealing form and texture and instead resembles an stringy mass of nasty yellow cotton candy: uncool. Stay cool, Fellaini.

Look, I’m normally not the type to criticize someone for an adventurous and unorthodox haircut. Lord knows I’ve had my share of the same. And in fact, I’ve supported the different looks Paul Pogba has tried out in recent times, some of which I’ll get to below. But this Pokémon-inspired deal is a bridge too far:

Jeremy Lin has enjoyed a solid year backing up Kemba Walker for the Charlotte Hornets. After the inferno that was Linsanity, he didn’t become a superstar, but he also did not drop off the face of the map. He’s just sort of a guy, a decent back up point guard on an okay team.

Carlos Boozer has had a long and successful NBA career, but if there’s one thing he’s always going to be remembered for, it’s the night he played in a nationally televised game with what looked like an entire can of shoe polish smeared all over his dome. On yesterday’s episode of Highly Questionable, Boozer finally…