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How about a collection of Super-Pysched Aikidoka action figures for the kids? Collect all 31 and get a free bokken! Or Super Soaker Special Edition Water Bottles...perfect for the truly intense practitioner. Or aikidogotchi keychains! for only 4.99!

No, no, no... you need to market and sell the Super Duper Sokey Dokey Soaker Special Edition Water Bottles! Vitamins and Minerals are embued into the lining of the bottle to ensure that each drink of water is a burst of effervescent, nutritional goodness that picks you up and throws your uke down!

Act quickly, and the first 100 callers will receive a free "Ki-lectometer." This invention, created by Grand Master Monk Chow Chow Fat, is specially designed to measure the amount of Ki (Chi) in your body at any given time. And when you Ki is depleted, you'll know it's time for another fantastic swig from your Super Duper Sokey Dokey Soaker Special Edition!

(*Void where prohibited. All rights reserved. Calls outside the Continental U.S. will be charged $3.99 for the first minute and $0.99 cents for each additional minute. Must have an I.Q. 18 and under to qualify. Not responsible for any potential birth defects of future offspring and/or impotence*)

Don't worry...the 6, 7, and 8 year olds will be rolling in like barrels over a cliff! lol! When they're 12...we'll rip them (or in this case...their parents, lol) off of all their money and give them a black belt, lolol!

No, you must learn to squeeze slowly and gently to extract EVERYTHING from them... make them junior instructors of a certain degree, with the potential to earn the super secret master teaching certificate if they pay enough over enough over a certain time that is never, ever to be revealed. The little minions will be the pawns that help the McDojo rule the MA world!!!! (insert Evil Super Villian laugh here)

- We would offer franchise deals to a select few (read: anyone who can come up with the $20,000 start-up fee). We could even front them that money for a fixed term (say, 5 years) at a nominal interest rate (say, 30% per month with approved credit secured by a note on their qualifying home).

- Then we could run a variation of the company store scam on them by writing a franchise contract that would not only require them to pay the monthly franchise fee, but would also commit them to holding a certain number of seminars (say, 2 a month) featuring our "internationally ranked" expert master teachers for whom they'd have to pay a nominal honorarium ($1,500 a day plus expenses). And, of course, they'd have to buy all of their equipment (mats, gis, weapons, pads, trophies, boards, inspirational photographs and posters, totems, bric-a-brac, etc.) from our select suppliers--we'd happily front them the money required for the in ital set of materials at a paltry 50% down with 10 months to pay at 30% per month figured on the outstanding balance. Oh, and because we're committed to ensuring that our mcdojos have the highest quality equipment, we'd require them to purchase a completely new (to them) set of equipment every year.

- And, because we're committed to inly the highest standards of image for our folks, they'd be officially "encouraged" to operate an in-house store supplying authorized t-shirts, energy drinks, candy, memorabilia, etc. from our suppliers. There would, of course, be an additional franchise fee for the store operation, plus monthly receipts from which the franchisee would receive a generous stipend amounting to 1 percent of net profits after taxes (we'll use the same accounting method that Hollywood uses to figure net profits on its movies), Of course, we'll have to subtract a nominal fee for accounting and administration, plus shipping and handling for all of the products we send to the franchisee--after all, we've got expenses to meet!

- Oh, there will also be strictly enforced quotas for membership growth. Let's use a sliding scale that starts at a minimum of 50% per month for the first two months, then takes off as the influence of our highly experienced marketing and promotions folks kicks in. Sure, there's a minor fee for this required service--only 25% of your gross monthly receipts--but you'll see incredible results!

And, if you act right now, we'll throw in a set of ginsu knives--a $149.00 value--for three easy payments of only $59.99! Operators are standing by now!

And for the manditory competitions that everyone is required to attend and participate in, we have special weapons with dancing LCD displays and whistling features to match the loud music you dance, er, um, I mean "perform kata" to. And the special glittering gi top to match!

And for the manditory competitions that everyone is required to attend and participate in, we have special weapons with dancing LCD displays and whistling features to match the loud music you dance, er, um, I mean "perform kata" to. And the special glittering gi top to match!

And some colored wrist bands and leg warmers!

"The only difference between Congress and drunken sailors is that drunken sailors spend their own money." -Tom Feeney, representative from Florida

Break-a-way Gi's? Us hairy types live in fear of velcro! (shudder)
Although it would help with getting better tips from the patron...err judges of the lap-da....errrrr kata competitions. Kata, yeah dat's it, Kata competitions!
Lan

Break-a-way Gi's? Us hairy types live in fear of velcro! (shudder)
Although it would help with getting better tips from the patron...err judges of the lap-da....errrrr kata competitions. Kata, yeah dat's it, Kata competitions!
Lan

LOL. That's just messed up, man.

"The only difference between Congress and drunken sailors is that drunken sailors spend their own money." -Tom Feeney, representative from Florida

Break-a-way Gi's? Us hairy types live in fear of velcro! (shudder)
Although it would help with getting better tips from the patron...err judges of the lap-da....errrrr kata competitions. Kata, yeah dat's it, Kata competitions!
Lan

ok Lan that is seriously sick, you aint seen some of the guys in my dojo there like really old and gross