Oh, Mom! Poor Mom! Left alone ALL NIGHT!! It's all right. I've made you breakfast, so you just sit there and gum your gruel while I fix your Metamucil. It's orange flavor today, so it will be extra yummy! And here's some toast -- I even put a little butter on it -- and some weak tea, just as you like it. Yes, I'm a good boy. No, I couldn't be here because I've got to take an airplane trip today. I'll bring you a present! Maybe a doily or a new antimacassar so Amos doesn't get his hair goo all over the chairs. Or a snow globe or a new spoon for your collection!

Now you go get dressed and I'll help you out to that chair on the porch you like so much and you can use your bb gun to shoot at the pigeons. And please be careful not to trip over your empty whiskey bottles in the hallway and bedroom.

Heck with that old lady stuff, Rap, MOM says she's going to can peaches today. You boys either make yourselves useful or stay out from underfoot in the kitchen. And DON'T TOUCH THOSE JARS! They need to cool until tomorrow before they're handled.

Just as well you guys stayed away. Everything was sticky. So sticky that you might have been stuck to the counter beside the stove if you were careless enough to lean on it. Three batches of peaches complete, one left for tomorrow. You can come help blanch and peel peaches if you want. They're particularly delicious this year.

Dave. Swan and I spent a lovely afternoon with CATSPAW's family telling stories, playing some music, eating wonderful food, and sharing rememberances of Patrick F. "Spaw" Paaterson. We gathered with Connie and Wayne, Karen, Michael, & Tristan, and the family. I restrung a bunch of instruments and Dave and I sang songs in memory of our friend. We also commiserated with one another as to how Rick and Spaw were eating up all the billable hours at LFPS, Layabouts at Large and for hire. As I was stringing instruments, Karen sat down and told Dave and I she wanted us each to have one of Spaws guitars. To say we were shocked takes understatement to a new level. What an honor.

Dave has a great story I have asked him to share. I am sure he will post it here and on our Mudcat. Dave is getting on a plane in a bit and I am jumping in the car for the 5.5 hour drive home. What a wonderful day, thanks to Karen, Michael, Tristan, Connie, Wayne and the rest of the family for a wonderful and memorable day!

I was, ahem, flying to Vegas to change planes and fly to SLC and then take the shuttle HOME!!! All of which I did! I am at home! I will be here for a while!

As for canning Peaches, I had to. She couldn't do the job no matter how much we'd work with her, teach her, help her. I guess she wasn't cut out to be an stealthy assassin. We gave her a nice severance package, including a year with pay and benefits.

Amos, I know that you wanted to can, er, cane, Peaches. I couldn't let you do that. I'm sorry, I know that your years in private boarding schools provided you with the predilection for that sort of thing but I'm afraid that it makes Gluon unhappy. As you know, there are few things more troublesome than an unhappy duckdog. Don't fret about it; I understand that Peaches has entered the cloistered convent of St. Brigantine-All-At-Sea and is now known as Sister Olga Of The Strict Discipline. But here's a recent picture of her thinking of you.

Well, that got a laugh, as most of your ribald, free-wheeling fantasies do. Some day you will come to terms with the real reason you had to can peaches, instead of the justifications and excuses and rationalizations you have used heretofore. We'll probably see the smoke signals from Pocatello all the way down here in Happy Landia if that happens...

I like the pics of your peaches better. They look so tasty. A buddy in NF used to put up peaches (not local, of course) in a HUGE jar. At least 6l. Peaches, black rum, repeat. Let it sit in the window in the sun by times until Kissmeass Eve. The desserts they served with the peaches were divine... mixed with blueberry or Partridgeberry or... hmmmm... the punch was okay too.

In the 16th and 17th centuries everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before the invention of

commercial fertilizers, so large shipments of manure were quite common.

It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, not only did it become

heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas, of course. As the stuff was stored

below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen. Methane began to build up below decks and the first time, someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM!

Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening.

After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the instruction ' Stow high in transit ' on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.

Thus evolved the term ' S.H.I.T ', (Stow High In Transit) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.

You probably did not know the true history of this word. Neither did I.

Sold (maybe tonight) an electronic deer call. Cass Creek. Got it for Kissmeass some years ago. My asshole Irish relatives like to give presents that are gaudy or useless or remind you that you gave up hunting. The flannel comforter for a queen size bed (I have a double) has prints of leaves and bears and whatever and is fuckin ugly. The brown sheets that came with it are see through count. The microfiber throw with the deer on it is up for sale too as I have blankets. FFS! I have always had blankets. This present giving between adults is mindless consumerism. The doormat that says "Welcome Patriots Fans"... really? SiL put her house up for sale and is moving into an apartment. First thing Mum said was "I won't have to go to her house for Christmas dinner." THAT says it all. >;-)

I stayed with a friend one xmas at her home in a wealthy suburb of Chicago, and the room where the (albeit extended) family met to exchange gifts was piled high. Such a huge array of stuff they gave each other. And it seemed to go on for hours as more of an endurance challenge than a true gift giving ceremony. I resolved then that adults didn't need to be shopping for each other, at least not for so much stuff.

This August 1 in North Texas is a dreamlike day - heavily overcast and drizzling, with a temperature around 70o. Normally the day would start about 20o warmer and end up in the triple digits. Enjoy the sleeping porch in this kind of weather!

Sounds good, SRS. Ya know that there Hand-in-Hand Dream Lottery for the 2 Moncton hospitals? I won a $50 Jean Coutu Pharmacy gift card! My luck is picking up and surely I will win the $850,000 Dream Home in the Grand Prize Draw.

Talk about luck! I just read the Jean Coutu weekly flier and swipe is on sale. It's the brand Mum likes - Charmin. That's the stuff that's squeezable soft. She used to prefer Royale, the stuff that's kitteny soft... fluffy white kittens on the package and in the commercials... but, one day I said, "Just like wipin yer ass with kittens." Womenz eh?

I had the plumber out Tuesday to fix a leaking toilet (wax seal, wall mount toilet). The furnace & A/C people are here now, as they were yesterday afternoon. There was still water on the floor of my workshop, and guess who needs a new water heater as well?

One can opt for $700k cash. There are actually 3 grand prizes worth a lot of coin. In each case, I would opt for the cash. As I bought three tickets for $250, I could win all three. I bought also $50 worth of 50/50 draw tickets which is how I won the gift card. The 50/50 pot is way up there too. I am gonna be rich!

I am calling down the Eldritch Ones to come and give you good fortune.

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'....

Oh, wait. That's the wrong one.

Look, if Cthulu shows up just tell him that he is needed in Sandy Ego. Amos? You might want to take a little trip if Cthulu drops around your neck of the woods. Or just mention that he's needed in R'Iyeh.

Howdy, y'all!! Had me a heckuva day! And it's rained a bit. Get the flying monkeys under control -- had to get the exterminator in though. After replacing the furnace, the air conditioning, and a water heater last week the ol' checkbook's about empty.

I wanted ta use them flyin' monkeys fer skeet shootin' but Pat said somethin' about "no way in hell" cuz a them bein' in the house an' all. Well, I got a busy day ahead a me, doin' good an' all. Ya oughta try it sometime, Amos. Doin' somethin' good, I mean. Yer soul gits all shined up an' yer karma drops ta zero.

Fer example, I remembers how good I felt after I run over that kid an' didn't even back up. Nope, I jist kept on goin' cuz it warn't no way arterial blood. Besides, next day he threw a brick through ma front windder. Mebbe I shoulda backed up...well, that's all water under the dam.

That's what happen when your karma rating hovers around zero. Mine is in the high "good karma" range, nearly up to ten on a scale of one to ten. Rapp is proud he dragged his up to zero and so he should be! But he has a fer piece to go yet.