Saturday, March 9, 2013

So, I have looked more like me for a while. My hair had grown back, my scars have healed (and are mostly hidden), I no longer look like I had cancer. But when I looked in the mirror, all I would see was my bad hair. My ugly post cancer, post chemo hair.

I have said it before, for me, the worst part of cancer treatment was losing my hair. It was more traumatizing than losing by breasts or my ovaries. And as grateful as I have been for more longer being bald, my hair was awful. It was frizzy and coarse. I have been pulling it back into a tiny bobby pined ponytail for weeks because it has been so unmanageable.

But that all changed on Tuesday when my mom offered to help me pay for a Brazillian blowout. Now my hair looks and feels beautiful and healthy. Even my husband noticed. My daughter said I look like I did before. I now look in the mirror, I see me, the old, undamaged me but with a new appreciation of life.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Well I made it to March 4. Two years ago today I had my first mastectomy. Last year, this week of my cancerversay was tough. I was afraid that it would bring up a lot of emotions again this year, but I have been quite busy and haven't really had time to think about it. Back then I felt like the world had stopped moving for me. The rest of the world was moving forward, but I had stopped. Now I'm in full swing.

What I find though is that people say, "Wow, two years, that has flown by!" But not to me, for me it has been a long 2 years. I have described it like rowing in the mud. I know that I am moving forward, but slowly. And I think it is because when you have cancer, you want to get to that 5 year mark. That magical 5 years cancer free, when your "chance for survival "goes up. Then there is also the fact that you want to hold on to each day, because no one is guaranteed another one. I just can't wait to be a seventy year old lady with my grandchildren around me and years of memories...