“Toddlers and Tiaras” on TLC at 9:00pm ET. Fifth season premiere. I’d like to say that I’m shocked that people will still parade their babies around on this show after the world has made it clear that they’re only watching out of a sick sense of fascination and consider most of these parents to be idiotic, cruel, or some combination therof, but I’m not. You don’t dress your three year old up in a $1,000 confection of tulle and sequins because you like going about your life without unnecessary attention. As long as this show chooses to stay on the air, they’ll have piles of applications from people who want to be on it.

“Inside Men” on BBCA at 10:00pm ET.

“Restaurant: Impossible” on Food Network at 10:00pm ET. Fourth season premiere. I know some of you are fans of Gordon Ramsay, but I much prefer watching Robert Irvine pull the whole “I’m only yelling at you because I care so much about how good you can be” schtick on clueless restauranteurs. Maybe because he sort of looks like the British Hulk and I’m waiting for the day when he gets so frustrated that he goes blue and rips his shirt in two.