My [33M] fiance [28F] have been together for 2 years. I proposed to her 2 months ago.

She has always been "high maintenance" in ways and its never really bothered me because she's never pushed for anything from me (like when she wants to buy 500$+ purses and other things). She usually gets it herself or her parents (who have spoiled her) give her money for it.

Now, I won't lie and say these are qualities I am okay with, its not something I think is positive, but she was loving and amazing in her own ways and I didn't think it could get any worse. I do love her, I just don't know if she is the person I want to marry anymore.

A week after I proposed, she asked me if I considered getting a hair transplant (I am slightly balding, I will soon shave it all off). I said that was ridiculous. I've shaved my head before and I quite like it, I usually grow a beard and it pulls it together. I'm also in great shape physique-wise and that's all that matters to me about my appearance. After asking me again, she starts demanding I get one because it is important to her that I look my best and she wants to be seen with the "most handsome version of me". I got annoyed and shut it down. She didn't apologize and has been hinting at it again in small ways. It important to note I was balding when we met too.

She has asked me about getting a bigger house after getting married even though I already bought a house a year before we met. I have no plans of selling it and I do not want to buy a bigger one for just 2 people. I told her this and the demands continued until she cried about how I am being inconsiderate.

Now the last straw for me was when she told my older sister that her wedding could have been so much nicer if she didn't decide to be cheap. This was she was looking at the wedding pictures on her Facebook when we went to visit. She also went on and on about the style of my sister's wedding dress, the decorations, her hair...My sister didn't say much, she's very composed but I can tell she was not having it. I tried interrupting that conversation several times but she kept talking over me.

She is going crazy over small things despite the wedding being an entire year and a half away from now. I get that women get excited about things like this in ways men do not - like dresses, hair, makeup, bridal showers, etc. but this is obsessive and ugly. She even "jokingly" told my 4 year old nephew that he won't be allowed at the wedding if he doesn't sit still the entire time. Who says that? I spoke to her about both incidents and she got offended because I'm ruining our perfect day and all her happiness.

I know not all women act like this, my sister sure as hell didn't. I guess I'm starting to realize that maybe I don't want these qualities in a future wife and someone who I want to have kids with. At the same time, is this a phase? Will it simmer down? It's getting worse and worse, to the point where I'm considering breaking things off and looking for someone more compatible for me.

Now the last straw for me was when she told my older sister that her wedding could have been so much nicer if she didn't decide to be cheap. This was she was looking at the wedding pictures on her Facebook when we went to visit. She also went on and on about the style of my sister's wedding dress, the decorations, her hair...My sister didn't say much, she's very composed but I can tell she was not having it. I tried interrupting that conversation several She is going crazy over small things despite the wedding being an entire year and a half away from now. I get that women get excited about things like this in ways men do not - like dresses, hair, makeup, bridal showers, etc. but this is obsessive and ugly. She even "jokingly" told my 4 year old nephew that he won't be allowed at the wedding if he doesn't sit still the entire time. Who says that? I spoke to her about both incidents and she got offended because I'm ruining our perfect day and all her happiness.

graecuse 3174

It seems like now that she's sure you're committed, she isn't trying to behave herself anymore. People have bad days and make faux pas, but it sounds like this behavior is in line with stuff you're more used to. She's telling you who she is, and you aren't liking it. If you try to settle things you're "ruining everything". Trust your gut on this one.

Lauraidiothead 630

She thinks he’s stuck with her now so her true colors are now showing

poutingpoutine 250

When someone shows their true colors, believe them. Side note, I got engaged and some of my friends who have prior done this (edit: the whole engagement thing) did not act in such a manner. My high school classmate, however, decided to be really mean to her fiance's family since she's now the future bride. They're no longer engaged.

Throwawaylatias 602

Silver lining, as least her bad behaviour is coming through now and not after they got back from their honeymoon. OP has a chance to escape with a clean break.

sureredit 164

There is so much truth in this statement. She will not mellow out the longer that she is with you. Things will only get worse. I would say evaluate what you have. I know you love her, but do you want to do this for the rest of your life on an ever increasing basis? The house thing will not change, it will only get worse. The hair thing will be used later to justify whatever thing she does later when she's not happy about something. "You don't care about me. You don't look your best." etc. Sometimes it's better (and much cheaper) to just move forward in another direction.

typingatrandom 45

now and not after they got back from their honeymoon

​

without mentioning an in-between bridezilla episode

ScarOCov 36

The wedding’s a year and a half away and she’s already threatening a 4 year old.

DasSassyPantzen 24

Yeah, I suspect that she will be an absolute (bigger) nightmare as the wedding approaches. If OP isn’t cool with her current behavior, he’ll be in for a real “treat” when the planning starts. :p

Ottorange 16

I was telling my boss about a family friend whose fiance called off their wedding five days before and how sad it was. The guy didn't even think they would break up he just wanted to not get married anymore and stay together (they have a son). He said something I'll never forget. "That's the best thing that could have happened to her". Basically his point was that she was about to marry a piece of shit and now she wasn't. Instead of going through a shitty marriage and eventual divorce, it was just over. She is now married to someone else and seems very happy.

Jonesgrieves 10

I just realized a whole new benefit for getting engaged. It's a great chance to have the real person come out since they're sure it's all locked down.

cactusesarespikey 85

Yeah the pattern was there from the beginning. Would be interesting to know what else she does regarding more superficial and materialistic activities: how much effort she puts into looks, how much she has judged others on their looks and possessions etc.

If these other traits existed before proposal then you can be sure that this is just her escalating, not some new traits coming through.

And regardless, if you're a good person you dont do these things even if you do want the wedding to be perfect, you are stressed, you are excited about whatever.... they're just not nice traits.

free_and_not_yet 20

It seems like now that she's sure you're committed, she isn't trying to behave herself anymore.

I think it may be that she's now looking for him to move in to the same role as her parents.

dgilmore160 2

Excellent points...might I add things are probably going to get worse as the day gets closer.

baffled_soap 2310

She usually gets it herself or her parents (who have spoiled her) give her money for it.

You do realize that once she gets married, she is likely to stop asking her parents & start asking you, right? You were able to ignore these unflattering traits by telling yourself that they didn’t affect you, but once you’re married, I’m guessing Mom & Dad aren’t going to feel the same financial responsibility for their daughter anymore, so it definitely will affect you.

Also, can we stop on the bit about “women get wedding crazy”? Some women do. Some women don’t. It’s not because she’s a woman. It’s because she is entitled & has been enabled by her parents all of her life.

BleuDePrusse 1272

Also, can we stop on the bit about “women get wedding crazy”? Some women do. Some women don’t. It’s not because she’s a woman. It’s because she is entitled & has been enabled by her parents all of her life.

Thank you!! That needs to be said more.

lydocia 281

Right?

I just got engaged and I'm freaking hyped, but much more about "yay I get to spend my life with the best dude" rather than "yay I grt to have an expensive princess wedding, between now and my wedding day, everyone should bow to my wishes".

ThrowntoDiscard 60

When hubby and I got engaged, seemed like others were getting more wedding crazy than we even were interested. We instead bailed out of that, got a minister and did town hall.

Some people are just so invested in the idea of that perfect day, the pressure from others about that one day that they forget who they are as a person and a couple. If only they knew how awesome it was to just toss that stress asides.

lydocia 25

I'm the opposite - every day with him is the perfect day, and we both don't like spotlilght much. Our wedding party would probably be just "hello, thanks for coming, we love you all, let's eat".

arachne0930 3

My husband and I were both chill af. It was his mom who was super psyched about the planning.

asana257 172

its not because she's a woman, THIS IS HER PERSONALITY! gtfo

lavender_tck 123

So glad these are the top comments.

QuixoticQueen 13

Ugh. I've been engaged/proposed to a few times. I have never planned a single thing for a wedding. If it ever happens, I'm happy with eloping.

BleuDePrusse 6

I did just that. Best decision ever!

mischiffmaker 13

I never envisioned my own wedding or life with children. I just assumed it would happen and would have happily eloped or gotten married at a courthouse with a family dinner afterwards.

That level of apathy might explain why I never married or had kids, lol! At my age it feels like bullets dodged.

BestWishes24 4

Yeah seriously. I'm less than a year out from mine and I'm paralyzed in the process. Hubby has taken over all the planning gladly and is so excited to do so. Happy to be marrying a partner and not some stand in.

iworkhard77777777777 3

Yes. And by "crazy", sometimes that means "crazy sticking to your budget" and refusing the extra bells and whistles and making compromises.

Reverend_Vader

Let's be honest, there is no program called "groomzilla"

Of course not all do but it isn't a few either

ThatMoonLifeTho

My best friends husband was way more of a groomzilla than my bff when they planned the wedding. She was totally chill and he was crazy specific about every detail.

emailpassword12

Yep,I've seen it happen too.

In my experience, men are either groomzillas, or take zero responsibility with planning THEIR wedding.

peapie25

Yep. I want to elope, my boyfriend has loads of friends and family and is the one who would really/want benefit from an "all attention focused on us" event. Although he would also not be super interested in dresses and flowers. But lots of symbolism and nifty wedding things

hummingbirdhi

My sister, and my best friend, were both super chill about their weddings. I've never actually experienced a bridezilla personally, and I've been to, and in, a number of weddings. It's a stupid stereotype, although I wouldn't argue the idea that people might get stressed about planning.

prongslover77

There’s plenty of grooms who go crazy over wedding too. It’s just not talked about as much

marymoo2

Not to mention, there are many cultural reasons that cause some women to go 'bridezilla' before their wedding that just aren't there for men. Girls are brought up to believe their wedding is the most important day of their life, countless movies and stories aimed at girls are about finding the perfect man/prince (and the 'happily ever after' is getting married to him), you can buy 'bride' dolls and Barbies so little girls can 'play wedding', and girls are taught that their wedding day is when they have to be at their most beautiful.

So much of our female-oriented media focuses on romance, and weddings, and finding "Mr Right"...then society acts like it's a surprise when some women end up going 'bridezilla' because she took that societal expectation to heart.

DustyShacklechevy

acts like it's a surprise

It doesn't matter if it's a surprise or not, if someone's acting insufferable they can't fall back on "Society is making me do this!" as an excuse.

marymoo2

I'm not arguing whether it's excusable or not. I was just pointing out that there's a reason normally-reasonable women can turn into snappy, stressed out, anxiety-ridden messes before their wedding, and it has nothing to do with any sort of stereotype about men being more level-headed than women. You teach little girls to fantasize about their weddings from a ridiculously young age because "it's the most important day of a woman's life" and bombard those little girls with stories about princesses waiting for their prince charming and women finally getting a 'happily ever after' once they find Mr Right, and give women the societal expectation to always be seen as attractive and made-up and well-dressed for a potential mate, then yeah it's gonna have an effect on some of those little girls when they do grow up and get married. It's not an 'excuse' to be insufferable. But there is a reason why it happens.

I'm not arguing whether it's excusable or not. I was just pointing out that there's a reason normally-reasonable women can turn into snappy, stressed out, anxiety-ridden messes before their wedding, and it has nothing to do with any sort of stereotype about men being more level-headed than women. You teach little girls to fantasize about their weddings from a ridiculously young age because "it's the most important day of a woman's life", then yeah it's gonna have an effect on some of those little girls when they do grow up and get married. It's not an 'excuse' to be insufferable. But it is a reason.

fascistliberal419

I was taught weddings aren't important, though marriage are.

I fought to keep me wedding small - we had 12 people in attendance, I think. About 10 people too many, IMO. I believe my ex husband and I agreed that going into debt for a wedding would be silly and didn't make sense. It was mostly his parents who insisted on it. I wanted a JOP and our witnesses. I don't get why other people need to be there. Receptions you can invite people, but I really find them to be distracting and unnecessary for the wedding part. I still feel that way. (My in-laws we're not thrilled and told us later they would've paid to have a bigger ceremony. When my ex husband got remarried, he ended up having two weddings. The first one looked like it was a backyard wedding with family, the second one looked bigger. I'm assuming the (former) in-laws ended up paying for some? I have no clue. Their finances have nothing to do with me. They ended up separating after about the same amount of time my ex and I did. They ended up getting back together, but from what I hear, that has more to do with the wife's insecurities, than anything else.) My point is - the cost and size of a wedding in no way ensures the success of a marriage.

I have no interest in spending money on an event like that. Not any real money. I think some decently nice clothes and a photographer is a good idea, probably. I think, reception not included, it could be done EASILY for under a grand. (My wedding was a probably like under $500 all said and done. Including the "reception" and rings.) No regrets on not spending much on that.

Not to mention the level of planning and decision making which usually falls on the woman. And even if it is split, who is more likely to be judged for the wedding?

99centCheeseSticks

That's because of systematic sexism, nothing to do with the way you think women are

Risc_Terilia

Exactly, sexist television programme confirms sexist world view, what a surprise!

harpmolly

I’m a harpist, and the most high-maintenance wedding client I’ve ever had was a groomzilla.

scarlegara

Lol, no, there's not. Because people think it's different, more understandable, and certainly not "crazy" when a man does something a woman is instantly labelled crazy for doing. But something isn't only real if there's a tv show based on it, you know. There are plenty of intense, crazy, demanding grooms out there, even if there isn't a program about them. Try to understand the world exists outside television. And no, there aren't many women who do this either. Try interacting with real people instead of getting all your information from reality tv.

lydocia

Hahaa loved this comment.

It's true that the most dramatic and crazy people tend to be women, but not all women tend to be like that. And I think it's more entertaining to watch a woman go in meltdown than a man - that'd just get more scary, you know?

Just feels like a lot of unthought about, casual sexism.

DustyShacklechevy 180

Some women don’t.

Only crazy people get crazy about weddings. Some of them are women.

thedinklebergz 114

My dream wedding is in a bouncy house. I was disappointed when my bf went against it

Ajs1004 54

My dream wedding was Vegas where I could wear pants. I got my wish.

prana-llama 37

I’m banking on Taco Bell cantina wedding, personally.

PirateReject 34

I got married in an arcade bar, dont let your dreams be dreams!

neverstops 19

Vegas, baby! Getting married in March and my fiancé compromised with me on the Vegas thing... we’re getting married in a park outside the city and doing a photo shoot along the strip after. Honeymoon? Zion National Park And more Vegas 🎲🎲🥂

marshmallowhug

I really tried to talk my boyfriend into this but he's an absolute no. I think the current lean is courthouse, possibly with family?

arobkinca 28

A 2014 survey compared the weddings and divorce rates for 3,151 people, showing that expensive weddings don’t really ensure that “death do you part.”

In 2016 the average wedding cost $35,329, but spending more than $20,000 makes couples 46 percent more likely to get divorced than people who spend less than $1,000.

The survey looked at how long couples dated, how much money they collectively made, how often they went to church, their attitudes towards each other, how many people attended their wedding, how much they spent on the wedding and if they went on a honeymoon.

My wife and I spent our own money on our wedding in 1991 and kept the budget low. We are at 27 years and still going. I do have a friend who married a woman from a rich family and they are still going strong, but the big wedding was forced on her by her parents.

GuntherStankBooty 61

That study is kinda bullshit because fact is, rich people can afford the divorce. Poor people either don’t have the money or don’t have much assets to split so they let it be.

Plus, at the end of the day, this couple is doomed because the bride is entitled, materialistic, superficial and rude. Regardless of id they spend $1000 or 30,000 it may not work out.

arobkinca 10

I guess it depends on what you call rich. There are plenty of upper middle and lower upper class parents giving their kids that level of the wedding. Not all of them to be sure. Parents catering to their kids' wishes and the kids being entitled probably has something to do with the stats.

SEphotog 15

I think you hit the nail on the head. I’m a wedding photographer, and 99% of the time, the parents are the ones paying me. There are about 3-4 weddings each year where it becomes glaringly obvious that the entire wedding is about showing off/spoiling the bride, and not at all about planning for a marriage or considering the groom. Unsurprisingly, a lot of those couples don’t make it past the first couple of years.

Pytheastic

$35,329 is still an insane amount for a wedding.

I get it's an important day and there should definitely be a party but spending more on one day than the average American makes in a year is excessive imo. I'd much prefer to have a small wedding with just the people I actually want there and spend the money on the honeymoon.

sweetprince686 17

I had a bouncy castle at my wedding! I absolutely went bouncing on it in my dress!

NoNewsIsBadNews 5

Same. Unfortunately my partner also rejected it.

ATGF 4

Tha sounds amazing! I'm a woman, but can I be your bf?

nanosounds 2

The only thing I HAD to have at my wedding was Mario Kart at the reception (and it happened!)

AaahhFakeMonsters

Well now I need to get divorced so that I can have my new dream wedding.

dd3van 52

To be fair, nowhere did I specify that only and all women do that. I specifically said not all women go batshit crazy. I only meant to say that while women care about their attire and such on the big day, my fiance is taking it too far. My sister was very frugal and smart with her wedding planning, I respect that.

ninatherowd 10

I think you're a great catch for someone way better than your fiancee, sorry

Wolfbearsharkfalcon 5

Smaller the wedding longer the marriage.

TheMerinoExperience 41

Yeah, women and wedding crazy isn't my experience. My now fiancee (still feels surreal to type ha!) is so clear on what she wants and knows our budget. She's excited by deciding on things but in no way crazy.

TheLizardMobile 27

I need this transcribed somewhere where all men will see it please.

Randomgirlhere

You don’t want all women to be viewed this way, yet you’re really going to say “all men” as if every man holds this view?

dallyan 25

To be fair to OP, he recognized that not all women are like this. In fact, that’s what is leading him to think he should break it off.

tfresca 21

Stress brings out true character.

KJParker888 11

A camera crew also plays a part.

Baial 3

When people are stressed they aren't at their best.

Mikachumonster 19

Seriously! I wanted to go to Vegas for my wedding but my husbands family didn’t want us too, so we had the stupid fancy wedding, and it was miserable. Now that we are getting divorced, I already decided that if I get married again, it will be in Vegas, I don’t want a big fancy expensive wedding, they are stressful and expensive. Marriage is about being with the person you love and starting your married life with them, a wedding lasts one day, why go into debt for that? Save the money for the rest of your marriage.

I totally missed that detail that her parents will buy her stuff like that. Wowwww

beejeans13 2

Why wait until marriage? She’s starting now!

snackysnackeeesnacki 2

Yep, if anything the brides I have known get stressed, not crazy. Planning an important event, juggling family and friends, etc. I have known many brides and only one bridezilla. Honestly, she was a lot like OPs fiancé, her husband was miserable, and they are now divorced.

silsool 2

I think the fact that she's a woman plays in the conditioning that, among other things, made her "wedding crazy", though. It's not biological, but it's a sociological "woman thing".

UsagiDreams 1

Yes! This. I've been engaged since March. I think I was a bit hyper to start with because it was all exciting, now I'm pretty chill about it. Still have a year and a half to go anyway.

bmbmjmdm

Wouldn't you say its more common for women to get "crazy" about weddings than men though?

scherzanda

Because they are socially conditioned to see their wedding as an indication of their future worthiness as a wife and member of society, perhaps. I’m not the sort of person who obsesses over things like image, but the pressure some families put on the bride to pull off the perfect day can be INSANE. My husband’s family made wedding planning nineteen months of existential horror and self-doubt. At one point I was convinced I needed $600 shoes. I don’t even LIKE shoes. I was actually barefoot for most of my wedding.

The thing is, OP’s situation sounds less like temporary stress-induced insanity and more like his (STBX?) fiancée is feeling secure enough to let her real self shine through more and more.

lastplacel0ser

Women are raised to think that their wedding day is supposed to be the best day of their life and it must be perfect. Women are often expected to do the majority of the wedding planning. You can imagine how planning the “best day of your life” (when you only get one shot) is a lot of pressure and will lead to people acting “crazy.”

It’s also possible that you just don’t hear about men freaking out about weddings, but it happens just as often.

mermaidish

So I'm a bit of weirdo and love to read posts about crazy wedding stories. On the topic of "bridezillas," a bunch of people in the wedding industry (planners, photographers, DJs, etc.) agreed that the majority of the bridezillas they encounter are actually normal people who've just completely snapped under the intense pressure of planning a wedding. They also pointed out that most of the time, the groom doesn't really do any of the planning so all of the responsibility goes to the bride. Only a small percent of bridezillas are the stereotypical bratty, entitled people you see on TV.

Bobb95

but it happens just as often.

lol, no.

baffled_soap

If by “crazy,” you mean stressed or overwhelmed by planning a large scale event without prior experience in doing so, then yes, I think that’s typical. If by “crazy,” you mean that the person suddenly forget how manners & money work, then no.

I think it’s more likely exactly what OP described here. Some people (of any gender) are materialistic & selfish. Planning a wedding is often the first big / stressful life event that a couple tackles together, & stressful events tend to bring out the worst in people. So existing characteristics that partners like OP were previously able to blissfully ignore are brought to the forefront. OP’s fiancée isn’t acting horribly because she’s a woman planning a wedding - OP is finally noticing that his fiancée has always been horrible because they’re sharing the expieekmfe of planning a wedding.

gingertonic

no it IS because she is a woman that she is acting this way. she has been socialized as a woman to believe this is appropriate behavior. no man would act this way. there is a reason the TV show is called BRIDEzilla and not GROOMzilla. patriarchy creates shitty women too.

NightOwlEye 1987

I think this is a preview of what married life will be like. It might calm down a little once the wedding is over, but this is who she is. She's been high maintenance the whole time, and that's certainly never going to end...and now you know she's not satisfied with who you are and what you have and what you look like right now, which suggests to me that she doesn't love you for who you are as much as for who she thinks you could be or who she wants you to be.

iambluewonder 339

This!!! To me it looks like that maybe she loves a version if you in her own head. If she's already trying to change you before the wedding, it is going to be 10 times worse once you get married.

90daycraycray 172

Yep. OP is marrying a person, she is marrying a project. Prepare to be perpetually disappointing her for having an opinion on your own life. She sounds awful.

arachne0930 11

Agree. OP break up with her and give her a gift card to Lowe's or Home Depot. People are not projects.

Kinkin50 212

Or perhaps for how many $500 bags he can buy in the future once her parents are done.... good take, OP should be out.

whadisabout 21

$500? Don’t you mean $2,000 now that they’ll be having s shared income?

mozfustril

$500 is what a nice men's wallet costs. It's actually pretty cheap for a bag so not sure why this would make you say he should bail.

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[removed]

phishstorm 56

This. She’s doing this with the wedding now, what about if you have kids? Or make literally any big life decision together?! Are you ready for that the rest of your life?

I’m not saying you have to break up immediately, but you definitely need to sit her down and communicate your fears.

dd3van 51

Yes you are definitely right. I wish I saw it before.

KineticVisions 44

It sucks when you ignore or glaze over red flags. I was in a relationship with a girl who sounds just like her (but worse, multiple times she told me if I didn't make $100k I wasn't good enough). I out up with it for 2.5yrs because I didn't want to have a "failed" relationship. It was awful, and a stupid sense of me failing even though she was the one who was not putting in any effort. I knew I wasn't in love, but thought if I could just "do better" she might change and be happy, but she didn't.

Her behaviors will not change, they will only magnify with time.

Please, for your own mental health, listen to your gut.

And don't beat yourself up because "you wish you saw it earlier", you see it now.

Skywalker87 25

My brother in law married a spoiled rich girl. Once they got married she expected him to take over paying for her shopping habits and beauty maintenance. If he couldn’t afford something she’d get it from dad but make him feel like less of a man. It lasted less than a year.

sponge_cat 19

Don't do what I (and many other people do) and just forge on ahead with the deposits and contracts and marriage licenses and weddings because "oh well we're already starting and calling it off will be difficult and awkward."

You know what's a lot more difficult and awkward? The torture of being married to a spouse you resent, and the drawn-out brawl of a contentious divorce. You have been given a gift, in that she has played her hand very early. Consider this behavior the warning shot - it only gets worse once you two are legally bound together.

endertargaryen 6

If you see it before having kids, that's good. If you see it before having kids and getting married, you saw in at exactly the right time.

fatmama923 5

I wouldn't jump straight to leaving her though. You need to have an adult conversation with her about her behavior first. If she doesn't change after that then break up with her. But if her parents spoiled her and you've continued to accept that behavior then how does she know you don't think it's acceptable?

Lily_Roza 4

Families who can afford it often spoil their daughters with luxuries, and do so all over the world. It gives girls an advantage in marriage, mating selection. Guys are more attracted to "high class" women. There are lots of advantages. Richer parents may make your life easier. They may have more time to spend with the grandchildren, pay for private schools, give expensive gifts and vacations, inheritances also will make life easier.

This is the downside. Wealthy parents have often instilled in children a value to strive to have the best, to fit in with "a better class of people." Upper class often make a big show of the engagement and wedding venues, clothes gifts honeymoon, the house she moves into, is it classy enough?. She doesn't want to be the laughing stock of her Tony friends. Did you hear about OP's wife, yeah, she married down, so sad. Well, let's cross her off the invitation list, we don't want to make her feel bad, jealous, inferior whatever.

I suggest you have a serious talk with her, and really try to be honest. Tell her that, even if you had much more money, you would not want it spent on $500 handbags, big diamonds mined by slave labor, etc. (I know I wouldn't) You want to live comfortably within your means and have no intention of trying to keep up with the Joneses. Try to raise her consciousness. If that's the way she was raised it doesn't mean she is a bad person, and she probably loves you for you, not your ostentatious wealth (or great looks, great head of hair, LOL). But I would definitely (gently) tell her that how she acted with your sister was a huge turn-off, and why it's a red flag for you, and is causing you to reconsider if you are moving too fast. Your value differences and wealth / lifestyle issues have to be addressed before wedding plans are made. I would try to be very clear and real, but gentle about it so that she is not too threatened to hear you. Expect to revisit the subject several or many times. See how the discussions go.

PS: It can be a wise choice to buy a better house in a better location than you really need, since real estate tends to appreciate and location location location. But that move would be wisest when the market supports it. Maybe if wifey isn't that happy with the house, the in-laws will facilitate the move. After all real estate can be a good investment, especially high-end real estate, so they may want to invest in real estate, and you have the advantage of living there, if you consider It an advantage. It happens all the time, especially as children come along. But consider it like dowry, if the marriage doesn't work out, don't expect to take a full share of the house that you didn't pay into. It is actually a gift to her.

I know this might be a bit of a leap, but imagine what she would try to fix about her future children. They would need to have the right/cool interests, hobbies, obsessions. And if they were a little bit chubby? Forget it. And imagine if she would have a child with special needs? A kid who literally can't sit down for the length of a wedding?

That can really screw up a kid.

greenshrove 6

...and what happens when the inevitability of age sets in?

cliffordp 19

When someone shows their true colors, believe them

come to say this as well, I had met a woman who was not interested in me - but actually just to get married, as this was important to her - to be married, I broke up with her .. and was not surprised to see her getting married with a new guy she met 3 months later

MissMamanda 3

My husband's ex-wife was like this, only with pregnancy. 2 months after their divorce she's living with someone else and pregnant with her first.. He dodged a bullet with that one.

awesem90 2

You have a very poetic writing style.

littlewoolie 2

This. Women like her are usually the reason some men work themselves to death

NinjaKoala 5

"Madam, if I were your husband, I'd drink it."

Merkin-Muffley

I think this is a preview of what married life will be like.

married she will be x100 worse. I guarantee it.

artfulwench 573

I didn't think it could get any worse.

If you are having a thought like this about ANYONE, do not marry that person!

goatsnboots 27

Best solid piece of advice I have seen in a while. Can be applied to nearly any situation.

chickamonga 11

I picked up on the first part of the sentence, where OP used past tense.

but she was loving and amazing in her own ways

JamPlanet 369

This is not a phase and it will most definitely get worse after you get married. She's a selfish, bratty gold-digger who cares more about how SHE appears to the world than the happiness of your actual MARRIAGE.

TsukasaHimura 53

OP needs to listen to this comment. There is never a phase. It is her true colors. OP should speak out now or forever hold his peace.

starburst4243 6

She talked shit about his sister's wedding. How trashy can she go?

mkay0 4

It's almost certain that she will get worse.

mozfustril

People in this thread are making a lot of assumptions, like the woman being a gold digger. Her parents may have spoiled her, but she might also have a good job or one that will pay well in the future. The big problem here isn't about spending, it's about her not being happy with him because he's not meeting her ideals and the fact she's high maintenance in general. I was married to someone who was extremely high maintenance and self centered. It really does only get worse. She goaded me into moving out of the house I loved and could have lived in forever and into a nearly 5,000 sq ft home when it was just the two of us and we were never having kids. Over time she became more set in her ways, not the other way around. If this kind of behavior bothers him, he should seriously consider ending it. These are big red flags.

kmm2827 361

Please listen to all of these comments. . Seriously your lucky you're seeing this side of her now rather than after marriage.

get-tilted 334

Thank your lucky stars she showed this side of her before you got married. I’m kinda surprised you didn’t draw the line at the qualities she showed it. It’s a one way street to financial mishaps.

I can’t tell you the logistics, but I can tell you the general approach. You need to talk to her, and don’t explain or justify yourself. Letting her think that your opinion is changeable is exactly the opposite of what you need. Tell her you don’t want to get married, and ask her to move out by x date. Remove her from any joint accounts, and cancel any credit cards she has.

And then you move on.

ohemgee0309 104

You start by realizing (which it sounds like you already have) that these are not qualities you’re interested in dealing with long term. I’m assuming you want kids, but aren’t interested in being your wife’s “daddy,” let alone her sugar daddy. And the disrespect to your sister was waaaay out of bounds.

Frankly, she sounds like someone who will be vindictive when she realizes you’re not going to fall all over yourself giving her what she wants.

Here’s some logistics for you: I’d start by quietly taking her off of all credit and/or bank accounts she may be on...Warning: this may mean changing accounts. If it does, suck it up and do it. Also, if you spent a lot on the ring I’d think of a way to get it back. Put it in a safety deposit box along with any important paperwork you don’t want her to have access to like the deed to your house, any insurance policies, etc. You can say you think one of the stones is flawed and want to make sure she has the best. She sounds like the type who’d fall all over that. I’d also look into what kind of eviction situation you may have to deal with in your area in case she refuses to leave if y’all are living together in your house.

Once all of the prep work is done, then you can have a talk with her about how it won’t work out. You can go with she’s obviously not happy with you and what you have to offer now and will be even more unhappy after marriage so it’s best to put that on hold. Be prepared to either anger or tears and likely both. Just my 2 cents.

Bhrunhilda 61

Check state laws on the ring thing... it’s a gift, often you can’t just take it back. It’s understood that if she called it off, she gives it back. But since he is calling it off depending on local laws, he may have no right to demand a gift be returned.

thecuriousblackbird 30

Giving her the ring is ok if it gets her out of his life.

If he wants to break up, and she won’t listen to reason. If she’s willing to work on the relationship—therapy and postponing the wedding would be non-negotiable.

YourFriendlySpidy 14

Note: even in places with very strict laws about engagement ring being property of the person they were given to, there are generally exceptions to these laws for heirlooms. Heirlooms are generally expected to be returned to the original owner.

Also he can always demand she returns the ring. He just may not be able to back it up with the courts. If he asks for it back/tells her she needs to give it back then she might well just give it him without checking her own rights to it. If she does that it's his ring again and her rights are gone.

poler_bear 4

And some states have special laws for engagement rings! (as condicional gifts)

xshawtyschroniclesx 5

Tears most likely to be manipulative.

I just hope he doesn't fall for it because once the tears are dried, it continues.

dd3van 44

I have not given in to any demands made by her, I'm just shocked she's making them in the first place. However, I have tried speaking to her several times and it doesnt work. It's like talking to a child at times. I will probably break this off in the way you suggested. Thank you for the advice.

DawcaPrawdy 18

Keep us updated please

StraightJacketRacket 8

You have your head screwed on straight. I wish the parents of these princesses would consider the futures of their entitled brats: if they want their girls to grow up and find a quality spouse, they have to raise a quality person, not someone who expects the rest of the world to revolve around them. Someone with self-respect, such as yourself, will not tolerate a shitty attitude towards them, and a good person will not tolerate a shitty attitude towards others. It's not "cute" for a woman in her 20's to bat her eyes and demand things and attention.

Find someone mature worthy of your attention. And good for you for standing your ground from the get-go when she started trying to change the person she supposedly loves. You apparently exist only to validate herself.

Nicole-Bolas 2

This clinches it for me. Not only is she needy and high-maintainance, she isn't communicating (listening is part of communication) and you either are losing respect for her or never had any respect for her to begin with. Do what you know you have to do.

Significant_Carrot 279

She's always been like this, but the difference is that all her brattiness and her demands are no longer being directed at her parents but at you. It's not going to simmer down either. I'd actually say it'll get worse for you because when you're married, the demands will start going full force on you. It'll be a newer, bigger house. A newer, better car. She'll demand more of you as a husband and will constantly compare your marriage to others that she perceives to be better. It's definitely not a "bridezilla" phase. This is who she is.

thecuriousblackbird 85

Clothes, jewellery for every special occasion, new handbags (I guarantee they’ll be more expensive), “push presents” for the births of your kids, expensive strollers and baby furniture, tons of designer clothes for the kids, plastic surgery after the kids, vacations, new vehicles every couple of years...

I’m curious about the make and model of cars she’s had, how many, what her first one was... especially if any or all are new.

Do you really wanna hear, “but Daddy bought ______ for me” for the rest of your life?

Oh, does she use sex to get what she wants or “reward” you?

hawps 84

I totally agree with you about her level of entitlement and everything else, but can we all agree to stop giving people crap for the exchange of “push presents” for the births of children? Sure, this particular woman sucks, and the name “push present” is terrible, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with a new father making a gift to his partner on a day that will irreversibly change their lives, after she went through some serious shit to bring that baby into the world. People also act like this is a new thing...men have given women gifts following the births of their children for a long time. Sorry, I’ve just been seeing a lot of comments lately being critical of this practice and I don’t understand how people can think this is weird or even materialistic. Gifts are frequently given for life’s milestones, it’s not weird for a birth to be any different.

(For the record, I don’t agree with any woman who is badgering her partner into buying her expensive jewelry or whatever for such a gift. If the guy wants to do that, he can. But even just a nice letter on such a scary and life changing day is enough.)

DullahanVS 37

I had never heard of "push presents" and my first reaction is just ewww....who came up with that name. I completely agree with you, if a partner wants to give the mother of thier child a gift following a birth that's no ones business but thier own.

hawps 12

Yeah the name is gross. That part is new, and I wish it never happened. I think the name is damaging to the idea. The practice of a new dad giving a new mom a gift is nice though, and not at all new. I personally think it’s good for a couple to have a quiet moment just about the 2 of them amidst an otherwise painful and chaotic day.

devoushka 5

Yeah, I don't see what is wrong with a push present, or expensive handbags, or plastic surgery, or upgrading to better cars and houses as long as it's within your means and it's not obsessive. If you need that to be remotely happy, it's a problem. If you can afford it, then why not?

arachne0930 17

Ugh. One of my husband's friend's has a wife like this. He's such a sweetheart and she is so exhausting.

It does not get better OP.

cocoagiant 215

She's dropping her version of being on her best behavior because she thinks everything is settled.

If you marry her, you are going to be working 80 hours a week to pay for a house you will spend very little time in, 2 cars which you will never use 99% of their capability and save next to nothing for retirement.

Break up with her and figure out what is really important to you in life, and go find someone who values those things as well.

WookProblems 18

You will be working 80 hours a week to pay for her perfect life. She will get lonely because you're never home and before you know it, you're out on your ass and your kids are calling some strange guy dad.

thelonetiel 210

Shave your head now, start talking to her about a prenup, and go to pre-marriage counseling.

It's easy to tell people to throw their relationships away, and harder to actually do it.

If she hates your shaved head, doesn't want to sign a prenup, and is resistant to counseling, then you can walk away knowing it was the right decision and that you tried.

But maybe she grows to love your shaved head and petting the peachfuzz (my fave) . Maybe she looks at the prenup and realizes your assets are yours and not hers to be entitled to. Maybe discussing finances and wedding goals with a neutral third party helps her recognize her areas of growth.

Just remember that we all have flaws and there are reasons you love her. Do not marry her with these doubts, but do work to either confirm or disprove the concerns once and for all. But she needs to be willing to recognize her ways and want to change; you can't force her to do anything she doesn't want.

Good luck.

LaurAdorable 40

I hope OP reads this - it's very easy to walk away and frankly OP's girlfriend probably deserves it for the bratty behavior, but working on the relationship is always an option and could fix it.

insomniaworkstoo 20

The is the only sane response I’ve seen. Talk to her about it, talk to a professional about it before just walking out on your fiancée. Jesus Christ reddit

lexymarie1991 4

This should be higher up. We live in an age whee flaws don't count anymore... It's like people discard each other very easily. Work on your issues people. We are all flawed.

Maybe there's a reason for this behavior that even she doesn't know about, even if it seems ridiculous. There could be serious trauma there trying to compensate for something.

Why do people spend so much money on things that are useless? Because they are trying to compensate for something, as in, emotional issues or trauma from something.

BAMFARILLA 3

This is great advice.

She sounds a little shallow, but that probably also keeps her on top of things you do appreciate. We all have our downsides. We all get carried away. I doubt any of us would hold up under a microscope all the time.

That being said, you have to decide if these are deal breakers or just new obstacles you have to work together on.

Marriage isn’t finding your perfect person it’s picking someone that you want to work through the shit with.

youknowimworking 0

nobody wants to try to work through problems in the sub. its ridiculous.

OP listen to this advise.

scoxely 187

Bringing up the hair thing is tough but okay. Not dropping it is not.

Wanting a house is pretty needy. Crying about you being inconsiderate is absurd.

But having someone talk like that about one of my siblings and their wedding would absolutely be a dealbreaker. Fuck that, fuck her. How tone deaf, inconsiderate, oblivious, rude, and inappropriate.

nachtkaese 90

I mean, I can actually see a version of the house conversation that's totally okay, like "this house you bought when you were single is not well located/big enough/where I imagined living - can we talk about a plan for moving and buying a house together?" is an entirely fine conversation to have when you get engaged to someone.

scoxely 38

Sure, but she wants him to get a bigger house, not talking about why she'd like something different. It's also only 3 years after he bought it, which is a very short time to be switching houses. And for her to be crying about it and calling him inconsiderate...that's pretty bad. It's not that there's no way to have a conversation about potentially changing houses, and the reasons why, and the plan, but that that's very different from demanding a bigger house, and throwing a tantrum over not getting your way.

nachtkaese 33

I mean I think there's a hypothetical where he lives in a studio or one-bedroom condo and is genuinely being inconsiderate by refusing to move. Given the other info here, I don't think that's what's going on in this particular situation, but I don't think wanting a new/different/bigger house when you get engaged and move in together is by definition "needy."

dd3van 15

No I have a detached house with 3 floors. I bought it originally hoping I can rent out the basement but when she moved in I scrapped the plan because she didnt want to rent it out. I paid for this house out of my own pocket and there is no reason to move. We've discussed this before and it was never a problem until now.

herr_leutnant 24

The key word here is "we", where as she wants "him" to buy a bigger house.

stickkim 24

Yeah discussing a different house doesn’t seem so bad. Different people like different things in houses, and I don’t think saying “hey you bought this house and it’s nice but I’d prefer living in xyz or 1600sqft instead of 900, could we look in to that?”

It’s kind of different tho because OPs fiancé didn’t say, let’s discuss this and we can buy a house together. She said the house he had just recently bought isn’t big enough and she wants him to get a bigger one, it’s one thing to suggest a bigger house it’s another to suggest your SO foot the bill for it.

furryoverlord 75

I think the hair thing is awful. She's shaming his appearance and suggesting he fix it with cosmetic surgery. It's his fucking body.

If the roles were reversed and he was suggesting she get a small procedure done, people would rightfully lose their shit.

stickkim

Right? Imagine a man telling a woman she needed lipo on her neck because he wants to marry the prettiest version of herself. My jaw literally dropped when I read that part, how incredibly insensitive and horrible.

lydocia

"Hey you got a bit fatter in the past years, can you get some lipo?"

"Hmm I never really liked your small boobs, can you maybe get a boob job?"

"I just want people to see the hottest version of my wife."

xshawtyschroniclesx

Fact.

If he told her, let's say, to get a tummy tuck because he wants her to be the "best version of herself", people would loose their shit over that. Rightfully as you said.

The hair comment was frankly disrespectful. It's one thing to joke around about it with him, but following with such a comment? Nahhh

FastConstant 29

Just imagine if there was a post by a woman whose fiance was asking her to get cosmetic surgery like breast implants or a nose job so "she could look her best."
Pretty easy to predict the responses.

GoldendoodlesFTW 3

"My (30f) fiance (30m) waited until we got engaged, and then asked me to get breast implants on my own dime. I told him I'm happy with myself the way I am, but he didn't let it go, and asked a couple more times. I think he knows I'm not doing it at this point, but he is still sulking about it and makes sure I know it's still what he wants." Yeah.

alana_r_dray 20

I’ve never been into bald men. Then I met my boyfriend. Still wasn’t super into it at first. So I can totally get preferring a man with hair.

But bald is who my boyfriend is. And now I think it’s super sexy. And he’s super sexy. And the idea of a bald man has quite grown on me.

It’s ok to have a preference. It’s not ok to try to force your preference.

mkay0 18

The hair thing is far and away the worst thing listed.

nachtkaese 6

agree. It's honestly just cruel.

YourFriendlySpidy 11

The hair thing was the worst one! Imagine if a woman came here writing about how her husband was demanding she get rhinoplasty because he deserves to be with the best version of her.

Demanding a partner gets plastic surgery, and insulting how they look are nasty shitty things to do.

BariBahu 177

She’s 28. You knew she had these qualities before, there just hadn’t been a chance for her to put them on full display (or it was convenient for you to ignore it). It’s clearly not a phase.

allyychild 30

These are exactly my thoughts. He said himself he ignored bad qualities that he didn’t agree with because she was loving and caring in her own ways. That’s great, but if you’re able to look at someone you love and think, “You have a really ugly habit. I don’t like it.” Then you probably shouldn’t PROPOSE to them until you’ve talked about it and acknowledged it.

OP shouldn’t have proposed to begin with, and I agree with many of these comments. None of this will add to a happy marriage. But it’s good to acknowledge OP is also at fault for making, quite frankly, a stupid decision. Don’t worry, OP will deadass realize this when he tries to break this engagement off because if she’s acting like this, she’ll lose her mind.

smussopo 5

Tbh he shouldn't have proposed to her at all and I think 2 years isn't even long enough to tell if you want to marry someone. If he'd have held his horses, I think he would have seen this side of her really come out without an engagement.

jimmyjrdanceparty 7

To be fair, he's in his mid-thirties, and usually at that stage people do move a bit quicker because they have a better idea of what they want and have been in the dating pool long enough to know what is and isn't a red flag. In this case he chose to ignore the ones he obviously saw.

justanotheruterus 147

She was spoiled by her parents and now she's expecting the same from you. Say goodbye to your bank account and hello to your new narcissistic and entitled wife! Good luck.

Throwawaythe666 108

What is there to say, dude? She sounds awful and you said yourself that she is spoiled and entitled. Surprise! When you get married, you’ll be the full and complete object of her entitlement. Call it off. Unless this is what you want for your life.

kiwolf88 28

Not to mention she will have legal rights to take him for half his assets and belongings if (when) it all gets too much.. yikesss

YourFriendlySpidy 32

Marital assets. As in, assets gained during the marriage. Because marriage is meant to be a partnership of equals.

Not half his assets.

amyismynameo 5

This is exactly why she wants him to buy a bigger house after they’re married.

BigLobsterZoidberg 95

Run. I had to break it off with my now ex-fiancée (together 4 years) after a similar situation. That was about 7 years ago and I can confidently say it was one of the best decisions OF MY LIFE. She will fuck up your life. Please run.

merdumgrz 12

What happened between you two?

suckmytitzbitch 64

Sounds like she wants to plan/have a wedding, but wants nothing to do with the realities of being married. I’d escape now!

She insulted you, your sister, and your nephew. I would not want that person in my family. I believe if you marry her this is a side of her you’ll see often. I think you should find someone kinder.

miladyelle 35

She has mommy and daddy give her $500 for a goddamn purse?!?

FFS. You know what was the last thing my father gave me a substantial amount of money for? To replace my clunker of a car that died, to get a slighter better clunker, so I could get to work in the winter without hoofing it and busing like I’d been doing for months to get between my job, my (now failed, thank god) business, and home. I cried tears of joy and gratitude because that meant I got to get more than 4 hours of sleep a night to work my 80-90 hours a week.

You want a mature woman to spend your life with. Unfortunately, you proposed to a spoiled, entitled brat-child with no manners. She called your sister cheap and tacky, your nephew a brat, and you inconsiderate for not immediately agreeing to drop six figures because she WANTS IT, foot stomp. How does this not immediately make a man go soft and back away in disgust?

reincarnatedunicorn 19

She must be insanely hot 🙄

cranetrain 6

No doubt. OP needs to do some self-reflection about what he values in a life partner and not prioritize looks over character going forward.

zoom1200

this is what i was thinking as well. she must be smoking hot and crazy in bed to put up with the way she is for so long.

mozfustril 7

If she comes from money, the things you're talking about aren't that big of a deal. $500 for a purse is not a lot of money. My in-laws gave us $40k for a downpayment on our first house and thought nothing of it. They bought my fiancé a new car while we were engaged, knowing we would be together and that we both made good money. It just wasn't a big deal. People are making a lot of assumptions about her/their financial situation.

miladyelle 3

No, I’m talking about an adult taking/asking for “wannas” from parents instead of having some pride and maturity and earning them working oneself. They are clearly not a big deal, and that’s the problem, because now she’s demanding “wannas” from OP instead of, again, being a mature adult and working for them herself.

mozfustril 4

He literally said it doesn’t bother him because she doesn’t ask him for these things, she buys them for herself or her parents buy her things. There’s nothing I read that said anything about that changing and, from experience, it’s likely it can continue. That said, it definitely bugged me that my ex consistently dropped $2500/month on clothes and beauty supplies, but she made $300k+ so, while I could express my dislike, I couldn’t really tell her she wasn’t allowed to spend the money she earned.

miladyelle

It didn’t bother him until she turned around and demanded a bigger house from him, because just because lol. That’s what made him go “uh...” and post here. Classic ‘I didn’t care about these glaring red flags because they didn’t effect me. Now they’re effecting me, holy shit! HELP!’ Just, facepalm.

mozfustril

The way she treated his sister was awful and you and I agree he shouldn’t marry her if these things bother him now it will only get worse and he’s lying to himself if he doesn’t hear that loud and clear from these responses.

TeatimeBlues 4

Different social circles, different standards and expectations. OP's fiancée clearly comes from a family that values appearances (and seems rather incompatible with OP).

$500 might mean a lot to you, but to someone else it's just pocket change when luxury handbags go for $5000+.

miladyelle 3

Would it make you feel less defensive if she were demanding $20 from her parents daily for her morning Starbucks run, and once engaged, turned to OP with her hand out for that daily $20 Starbucks cost?

The amounts (which are objectively a lot, come on) are just the icing on the cake. The cake is that a grown woman doesn’t have enough maturity or pride to get a J-O-B and earn what she wants herself, and entitled enough to believe OP will be taking over the “responsibility” (/s) of paying for her every desire.

TeatimeBlues 2

"She's never pushed for anything from me." "She usually gets it herself or her parents give her the money for it." Families gift each other stuff, some families more so than others.

The issue at stake in OP's post isn't the fiancée wanting OP to pay for her every desire. It's her trying to impose a hair transplant on him, not respecting his stated wishes, wanting a different house (which we don't know the details of), critiquing his sister's wedding to her face and in general caring far more about appearances than OP.

shelurks60 28

Thank your lucky stars she showed her true colors before the wedding - hell if it's a year and a half out, you likely won't lose any $ on venue payments and the like. Run.

This is who your fiancee is. Now that you guys are engaged she is no longer on her best behavior.

the-aleph-and-i 18

I called off my own wedding four months away from the date.

Some things:

When you’re ready to change your facebook status to single, I recommended hiding your relationships status and then changing it. Spare the both of you an influx of whoever the fuck asking questions.

Facebook is nice enough to then give you the option of deleting, hiding, and untagging photos you’ve posted that you’re tagged in together.

The fact that you can’t genuinely talk about any of this with her is the biggest flag IMHO. It is hard to know what healthy communication and relationship boundaries look like if you’ve never had them.

When you break it off, give her space. Don’t get sucked into trying to give her more closure or feeling guilty about blindsiding her. She will need to grieve and heal and, honestly, you’ll need to grieve and heal too probably.

You’ll be all right. Calling off an engagement seems a lot easier than divorce, as difficult as it might be. You’ve learned more about what you don’t want in a partner and eventually that’ll make finding one you want to marry that much smoother.

Wolfbearsharkfalcon 2

How about you just don’t post your relationship status on Facebook because it’s nobodys business

dbs1146 18

Run....Run.....Run......do not look back. Thank God you have seen her true nature before marriage and kids. I would bet she is just like her mother.

Andurila 17

This is not a phase. The signs have always been there, she's just now turning it full blast because she's confident you're in it no matter what after proposing. What she expects of her parents will definitely be what she expects of you now. Its a blessing she got complacent and showed her true colors. Run away dude, you are not compatible.

perfectpeach88 16

Now I ain’t saying she’s a gold digger...

Just more shallow than a puddle.

sweetrhymepurereason 14

You will spend your whole life keeping up with the Joneses if you marry this person. Also, imagine how expensive a divorce will be for you. You know you won’t be able to leave with damn near anything. You might want to quit while you’re ahead and before you commit anything more to this person. I would personally forget about the engagement ring as a loss, and assume she’ll be keeping/selling it.

Stetchnuts82 13

You’ll be trying to save and she’ll be trying to spend. And if you don’t let her then “you are being mean and maybe you don’t love me.”

thecuriousblackbird 2

The ol hide it in the back of the closet and throw away the credit card statements. Or borrowing money from daddy.

grendelone 12

I'm ruining our perfect day and all her happiness.

She has an immature and materialistic view of the wedding. No day is "perfect" and if she thinks her wedding will be, she's deluding herself. Worse yet, she will freak out if the slightest thing goes wrong (which it will). Her "happiness" should be about the marriage that starts with the wedding, not the wedding itself.

At the same time, is this a phase? Will it simmer down?

No, it will not simmer down. She is showing you what she is like. It will only get worse from here. You haven't been dating that long, and she's likely been on "good" behavior while dating, so now you're getting a glimpse into what being married to her will be like.

thecuriousblackbird 3

If you want proof that she’s going to stay unreasonable, talk to her about her perfect wedding. Act like you are willing to do whatever she wants and agree to her budget. Prepare yourself to be blown away that she’s willing to spend as much money as the down payment on this new house she wants. Then add an extra 15%-20% because budgets always go over.

BraeBrandy 12

Women like this can usually get away with this stuff because of their good looks and manipulation tactics. Shes had 28 years of practice and I wouldn't see her changing. You could try and tell her it's a dealbreaker, but I can see that going south. There are plenty of women who are mature and wouldn't be this toxic. If you decide to marry, do not reproduce, your kids will pay a hefty price for her unrealistic goals and ideas of what "perfect" is.

thecuriousblackbird 5

This is the kind of bride who pushes someone out of the wedding party for being too fat or too pregnant.

Karelious 11

What a diva. It's not all women, it's definitely just her. I remember my ex telling me she'd be fine with a small private wedding in a barn or a beach with all the closest people to us. In the end that's all that matters, isn't it? She's looking forward more to making a big event out of your wedding than being excited to be married to you. smh.

lydocia

I'd have said "yes" to a plastic ring and I'd elope without inviting anyone.

maudlinmandolin 10

My dad once said that we tend to become caricatures of ourselves as we get older. Anything you notice about her is more likely to get more pronounced as time goes on. That said, it is not impossible that she is just being an idiot now becaise she can get away with it (People tend to be nice to brides to be) and will be more reasonable in future. I would have a serious coversation with her about the way she treats you and your family. The way she spoke to your sister was very disrespectful and really sort of cruel when you think about it.

thecuriousblackbird 3

She.went.on.the.sister’s.Facebook.to.look.at.photos.to.critique. She already knew she didn’t like your sister’s choices.

master0jack 10

This isnt a women and weddings thing. This is a spoiled, entitled person thing. I say that in the best possible way- Im sure she is lovely in other ways but you should always take a person's bad traits and ask yourself if you could live with those traits if they were present for months or years. THAT is marriage.

I love the fuck out of my husband, but he had a 6 month stint of depression before being treated and in that time he turned into a vile monster and I was about to walk because 6 months of that was my threshold. And thats my husband, who has always been sweet and compassionate and even-keeled and down to earth and funny and brilliant and never showed any signs of any bad traits, really. Before he became depressed.

I say that because as bad as you find this now, just imagine if a depression or hard times fell on you and how she would react to that. This is still her on good behaviour,during one of the happiest periods of her life- and that is what I would judge her based on.

Just my two cents...

Spock5eyebrow 9

Oh dear...you've got a Bridezilla on your hands. I'm so sorry.

If you want to stay with her, you need to insist on pre-wedding counselling. If she won't do it, I'd consider that a definite deal breaker.

The bottom line is she's being rude, inconsiderate, emotionally manipulative, shallow, selfish and materialistic.

If she can't get a handle on this, I'd say you are lucky she's showing her character NOW.

Also, watch your birth control like a hawk.

hopingtothrive 9

Your fiance is extremely rude. That is not a phase. She just is.

wotsname123 8

She is marrying a wallet not a person. If ever the wallet runs dry, she'll be off.

Bassinyowalk 8

Something tells me there is a story about the engagement ring, too. Did she insist on a big/expensive one?

dd3van 8

She made it very clear about what ring she wanted long before I proposed so I already knew.

rhyleyrey 7

My husband and I worked hard to pay for our entire wedding ourselves. If anyone had said to me what your girlfriend said to your sister - I would slapped her silly. How rude is this woman?!

Her obsession with money and the finer things in life makes her sound like a gold digger.
If you marry her - you'll be nothing but an accessory to her.

howdoulikedemapples 6

Shes an enabled brat and if you dont put your foot down now and tell her to cut it out you will come to resent her for the rest of your married life and maybe beyond.

Tell her bluntly to knock this shit off. Stop trying to manipulate you in order to achieve, well..what exactly?

Other peoples validation that's what. And if your validation is a 2nd runner to other peoples this girl is not ready for marriage.

Tell her parents to stol treating her like she cannot handle her own life and to let her stand on her own two feet. Her parents created this little monster showing its ugly side and they are important factors to fixing it.

If a conversation like that with real truth doesnt get her to see her Brattish ways then call it off.

You want someone who loves you for you.

Buddhamama50 6

There are stages in a relationship, where it can undergo profound changes. When the honeymoon period ends. When you move in with each other. When you get engaged and again when you get married. When you have your first child. When one of you has a serious illness. When your parents die. When your children leave home. When you retire...

You have hit one of those stages and your relationships has changed. Your GF thinks that she has "landed" you and so can behave how she likes. She thinks she has you locked in....

One of the best things I ever read about getting married, is that planning a wedding together is a great indicator of how well you'll work together in married life. Congratulations. Now you know how your future wife will behave. She's spoilt, rude, and unkind to children.

I'd like to add that getting married is like having a baby. Everything is about the wedding/birth when in fact the really difficult bit comes afterwards.

Personally I wouldn't have a cat with this woman, let alone get married to her :)

memoia 5

Crazy doesn't get better. Own it or back out while you can.

Danceswithdragons20 5

My mother in law has always told her son not to marry a spoiled princess.
Her behavior will not change. It will either get worse or more pronounced. And if this is not a lifestyle you want to live then you need to break it off. If you are still hesitant about breaking it off with her please keep what I'm about to say in mind .
Her parents spend 500 on purses...regularly. I really want to know if you know what she spends on makeup (you said she is high maintenance... so I bet her face is always done and so is her hair). My low maintenance make up friends spend about 300-400 a year. Start looking into how much is spent on salon trips (hair and nails), clothing (most high end stores like Abercrombie it is about 75 dollars for some jeans).. and add all these expenses up.
Next, does she always have the latest and greatest phone or a nice newer car? It is time to find out FOR SURE who pays for it all. Because if she expects her parents to stop and you to start paying these things when you marry you need to know now.
Her behavior is shitty OP, but I am personally more concerned about your financial future. As someone who is within the financial industry, her spending could destroy your financial future if you are not careful.

thecuriousblackbird

Blonds cost the most hair wise. Any dying and highlights are at least $150 in a moderately priced area. See where she goes and look up their prices. Look at her cosmetics and skin care brands and look them up.

Hell, Just count the purses.

tan-russian 5

Yo, the beard and shaved head look is super sexy on dudes who are in good shape. Your fiancé is being terrible. I’d say you should break it off.

lenduuh 5

As someone who has also gotten recently engaged and is also a woman this is...absolutely not okay. Oh my god, this is so not okay. You do not criticize someone's wedding--especially when you are related to them. What do you care?

She may be showing her true color to you...

Blueroyorbison 5

Heads up - until you decide what to do, stop having sex with her. She could very well pick up on your annoyance and decide that a kid will keep you around. Don't do that unless you're sure or everything. So just stop. All of it.

bakerstreetstorytime 5

Trust your gut. She's not the one and if you marry her things will end terribly.

sunshineredbird 5

I think you already know the answer. These aren’t little mistakes she’s made that you can forgive her for. These are huge character flaws. She should love you balding or not, especially if you’re comfortable with it. She sounds like a gold digger and you will probably go in debt trying to make her happy.

Crifster 5

Oh my goodness!!!

Every behavior you listed is alarming and you have every right to be concerned. I'm sorry you are now put in such a terribly difficult decision. If I were in your shoes I would put a hold on the wedding until you can figure out if her behavior will stop. Unfortunately I don't think it will, this is likely who she is.

On the fact that her parents currently fund her high-end lifestyle: that financial burden WILL be transferred to you once you marry her.

I would be ashamed to be associated with anyone who made such snobbish bullshit comments. If anyone said that crap to me I would assume that their partner had the same ridiculous outlook on life. Do you want to be associated with that?

speaker_for_the_dead 5

Hell no it is not a phase. You think it is bad now, just wait til the vows are exchanged.

Santodeultimorecurso 4

Its a blessing she has been hiding her true self...now run while you can before you lose half.

redrosebeetle 4

At the same time, is this a phase? Will it simmer down?

No, this is who she is and it will get worse as time goes on. Search /r/askreddit for threads about people who married bridezillas and see what your future will look like.

A_of 4

This is an opportunity. She is showing her true self before marriage and you don't like that true self. Be thankful she isn't showing that after marriage.
She sounds like a obnoxious superficial person. You can find something better.

anubis29821212 4

This is a massive red flag and you need to end it asap.

MrsRossGeller 4

I was high maintenance, spoiled, and somewhat like your fiancé when I was young. After more life experience I outgrew it.

You can help this by having a serious talk with her about just how turned off her attitude is to you. Explain that what you have to say may be hurtful, but that you trust that the person you’ve asked to spend a lifetime with is willing to look at herself, be honest, and grow and change.

Life isn’t a competition between the Jones’. It’s not an instagram account. She feels very insecure to want to perpetuate this exterior perfection. She’s got to work on that. It’s not real happiness.

waitingforliah 4

Everybody is saying to run. First have a serious talk with her. I don't know what you discussed with her before getting engaged but now it's the time to take it point by point and clarify what you want in life:

Talk about your house, what you imagine for your future. If you plan to have kids would you sell your house and by a bigger one? Who's going to put the money for the new hours? Just you? Her parents? Her?

Is she going to work after you get married?

Talk about your hair. It's OK she asked you about hair transplant (maybe she thought you would like it if you can afford it). But it's not OK for her to insist on this after you told her no. Make it clear you will naver do it and if she doesn't like how you look in wedding pictures she should find another husband.

Talk about the incident with your sister and talk about your wedding to see what she expects.

See how she reacts and take a decision. It's your wedding too (if it happens) and your life.

Grand_Imperator 3

I don't want these qualities in a future wife and someone who I want to have kids with.

These are wise thoughts. Unfortunately, many people propose before really sitting down and hashing out (in deliberate conversation) politics, religion, sex, money, children, careers, extended family, and geography in detail to ensure no incompatibilities.

At the same time, is this a phase? Will it simmer down? It's getting worse and worse, to the point where I'm considering breaking things off and looking for someone more compatible for me.

I think you answered your own question. It sounds as if you never nudged her in a positive direction (even if you tried to change subjects or get her off of that terrible shit-talking about your sister's wedding). At best, you failed to mitigate her behavior (because you know it's terrible) to reduce harm to others. That was the best you did (not blaming you, just noting outcomes here). It sounds as if her parents spoiled (or still spoil) her as well.

What in her life would cause her to change her behavior?

Unfortunately, even the feedback of you breaking it off likely won't change her much. She will write you off as "balding anyway," "cheap," and someone who had too small of a home with an older sister who was apparently a 'cheapskate' and a terrible nephew who behaves poorly.

I hate the 'break up' / 'get out' refrain that you see here so often, but this appears to be a time for it. You do have a month or two to try to have a serious, sit-down conversation or attempt to pursue marriage counseling.

I would say do not put down any additional deposits on anything wedding-related.

JeepNaked 3

Only marry her if you want to give her half of everything you own.

notjennyschecter 3

Sounds like you don’t know your fiancée very well, and you may want to spend more time to get to know her before you get married.

stickkim 3

Sooo...your gf regularly wants things that cost in excess of $500 and usually she will get it OR her parents will buy it for her and she’s “a little” spoiled in that way?

You do realize that once you marry this girl those $500 tastes aren’t going anywhere and her parents won’t be so willing to foot the bill.

It’s time for a serious sit down conversation. For one, you need to tell her that asking you to get implants or whatever is unacceptable and out of the question and that no matter what is not something you will be doing. That needs to be dropped immediately. Suuuuuuper insulting of her to say anything about the “handsomest version” of yourself, what the fuck!? Second, you need to have a serious discussion about what she expects of you financially and what you are actually willing to provide.

She might be a sweet girl, but weddings bring out the worst in some women and it sounds like your fiancée is no exception. Talk to her about her attitude and the fact that her behavior is giving you pause. And imma be real with you OP, it sounds as though you may have money (or your girl thinks you do), PRE NUP. If shit goes bottom up, you want to be ready. She might settle down if you tell her that you aren’t down with her behavior but it might be temporary so that she can marry you and go right back to being comfortable with her attitude, ensure this isn’t the case by letting her know you’re marrying her for love and she better be doing the damn same thing.

carlialexis 3

Omg. Ew. Why would you want to marry such a brat? You’re about to doom yourself to a life where your wife spend every cent you make on designer handbags and shoes. And insulting your sister for having a modest wedding is so far out of line. Frankly, she sounds like a spoiled, rude, narcissistic asshole.

master-grumps 3

Only one thing left to do after marriage and by the sounds of it your already planning divorce. I thought I could change my ex wife too.

Keowaii 3

Pre marriage counselling. If it doesn't work at least you tried.

thecuriousblackbird 2

Pre marital counseling is always a great idea. Make sure you’re on the same page, communicate clearly, and know how to disagree without fighting.

mrsj1993 3

Look at every quality in her that you do not like and multiply it by 10 because after 5 years it will be multiplied by 10. Not to say she will be any worse, although she might, it will just bother you more. It will be like nails on a chalkboard, getting worse and worse until you scream...enough! That is just my opinion. There are plenty of down to earth, grounded girls, no need to be so complicated.

LoveMyLibrary 3

This is not just a phase. You're seeing the true person now. Please break it off. So many red flags....

Apisindica27 1

Lol sooo many, I agree break it off

tattletootz 3

All red flags, mate. Don't do it.

SomewhatProblematic 3

two years is too soon to get hitched, imo.

This is her being comfortable dropping the facade and her true colors are shining through. It will only get worse. Back out sooner rather than later.

Crafty_Birdie 3

Whilst ‘spoiling’ *isn’t usually quite what people think it is, the simple fact is she is used to getting what she wants. She always has, and unless she realises her behaviour isn’t okay it won’t change; what daddy/mummy used to do, she will now demand from you, so no, this will not change. What you see is what you will get.

*’Spoiling’ is often seen as abuse by Psychotherapists because it usually happens in a context where the child’s emotional needs are being neglected. The parents can’t set boundaries, so they can’t say no. Often they don’t know healthy ways to comfort their child when she’s distressed so will buy them things to make them feel better - the same way some parents give food when kids are distressed and help establish the pattern for eating disorders, or just excessive comfort eating in later life.

The net result of all of this is an adult who doesn’t recognise boundaries and will feel as if her entire world is caving if she doesn’t get what she wants. She won’t be able to set boundaries with her own children, either, or meet their developmental needs in healthy ways.

How do I know all this? Because I was ‘spoiled’ myself, and spent some years in therapy. The only difference between me and your wife is that I recognised my family dynamics were screwed up and abusive even as a child, and I knew I had problems as a result.

Am I ‘cured’? No. You can’t really make this stuff go away, but therapy helps us to develop new ways of coping and behaving. Even at 52 though I find it difficult to manage urges to buy stuff sometimes. Saving is hard for me and I have a tendency to be selfish with money. I’m sharing this so you have a better idea of what you and she are dealing with, but I think your main problem is that your wife has no awareness that her behaviour is unhealthy and that she is actually very wounded. Without that basic awareness she is not going to seek help and she will likely get worse as she gets older and she will not make a good parent. Where she’s at now, I would definitely think twice about getting married. She’s not the monster I imagine some will see her as, but she’s unlikely to make a great life partner.

glitterberry22 3

Time to move on. I’m a woman and my husband buys me the occasional nice thing, but I don’t demand it and I definitely don’t cry for it, he usually asks. Also a big house for two people doesn’t make any financial sense especially if you just bought a house. She seems very rude and high maintenance and honestly she will either run you into debt or drive you nuts. Unless your a guy who like this type of girl and can keep up with crazy attitude and demands. I’d say run, there are plenty of kind,sweet, financially smart and understanding women out there to be dealing with this mess.

Weevleswobble- 3

This chick VALUES expensive handbags and expensive houses over seeing the value in accepting their partner in who they are, balding and all. This is an issue with her value system. And in my opinion, somebodies value system is one of the most important things to look for in somebody. How can she be your ride and die when she isn’t even willing to accept superficial things about you??

Sounds like she’s always been like this and her parents have been spoiling her so far but now she’s shifting that “responsibility” to you. It’s better to know now than after the wedding. And it’s not just the wedding stuff, she’s badgering you to buy her a bigger and fancier house and get hair surgery for her. She’s showing you who she is, you just have to make a decision.

ivantoldmeboutdis 3

Yikes. Just based on the first thing I'd end it. She thinks she's locked you down and can show her true colours now! This is scary.

mypestobesto 3

It’s not a phase.

The wedding ceremony aspect might be different for women (I’m a woman myself), but her behaviour isn’t excusable. There’s no reason why she should act like a child and behave in such a rude, inappropriate, and selfish manner. Her behaviour has nothing to do with being a woman; it has everything to do with being a shitty person.

It’ll only get worse.

Unless you don’t want to spend the rest of your life (or however long the marriage/relationship will drag on for...), GET OUT.

Not only will you have to deal with her unreasonable demands and childish behaviour, so will your children (if you end up having any). What kind of example would she set for them? Would you like a daughter or son behaving that way to you, completely disregarding other people’s boundaries, and crying when they don’t get what they want?

kattannus 3

"She usually gets it herself or her parents get it for her" .

Break up with her, because once she marries you she will stop asking her parents, and start asking you. Also she really needs to find a job period!

thecuriousblackbird 1

Or every time you say no, she runs to daddy. Until one day he says no. (What does his finances look like?)

Lauraidiothead 3

You’re just now seeing the true her, she was on her best behavior before. None of my female friends nor I have ever behaved this way. She is incredibly shallow and superficial. Walk away.

HawkofDarkness 3

When people show you who they are, believe them.

Next time make "low maintenance" a priority in your partner

thecuriousblackbird

You can be a beautiful, put together woman who takes pride in her appearance without being high maintenance and spending thousands of dollars a year on hair and cosmetics/skin care, clothing, purses, and shoes.

palmtrees007 3

I would never make those kind of comments to my boyfriends sisters ... and he has 3!!! Run OP. She sounds like if you get married and shit goes south , she’ll get you for every last cent , literally !

defiantgrit 3

This attitude is why whenever I met a girl who wanted it to be "her special day" and raved about the wedding itself more than she did about just being happy with who she was being married to, it was an instant dealbreaker. My wife and I eloped then had a huge party for our friends and family at our favorite brunch spot and one of the sites of our first dates. We have never regretted doing that and the money we have saved doing it.

When this relationship ends make sure you don't make the same mistake. Girls who will discuss your wedding as an awesome party where the two of you promise to love each other forever in front of friends, family and whatever religion you guys follow? Cool. If it becomes an event while you plan it that way even better.

Girls who want it to be "their special day" to be treated like "a princess" aren't worth the time or effort and won't be. There's a distinctive reason why they have done studies that show the more you spend on your wedding the more likely you are to be divorced. When it becomes about someone feeling special and magical on their "special day" it becomes more about the event than the act of unifying two people together for a lifetime. Once it turns into that you can forget about a happy lifetime together.

hummingbirdhi 3

There are a couple of points here that it could be worth discussing with a more open mind with the right person - like e.g. a living space issue could be about your house currently being all full of you, and her not being able to see where the room for her would be. Or like if one of you or both do work at home, maybe someone would want enough space for a home office (or a craft or reading or whatever room, just... Your own space still). If you're close to family, maybe a guest room is important. That sort of thing is worth discussing as a team, with compassion, and asking why it's important to the other person, rather than just saying, "I'm not going to do this." And maybe understanding a change needs to be made, whether it's a new house or just revamping your current space more than you might have imagined.

However. Although I guess it's possible that she'd swing back to earlier behavior, it seems more probable that she's showing you more of who she really is than she was doing before your engagement...? Like, if you've always had the same hair look, why would it suddenly be a thing? Alternatively, now that things are Getting Real with a wedding in the future, she (and you) are suddenly seeing each other with different, more critical eyes and recognizing some incompatibilities you both ignored earlier. Either way... I'd sit down and have a talk with her about her recent behavior. Ask her what's changed. Tell her how it makes you feel. Then assess whether this is her True Self that you're not so happy with, or she's sort of gone off the rails with like, maybe wedding magazine or forum stuff making her think the wedding has to be some third party's vision to be "perfect."

tracyogles 3

Drop kick that selfish Kardashian want to be too the fucking curb quickkkkkkkkk

OmnibusToken 3

Dump her now. She sounds like a completely obnoxious, entitled, narcissistic asshole. And for the record, not all women get all excited over wedding bullshit. Some of us loathe that crap and just want to quietly elope & save our money.

ttlens 3

I didn't think it could get any worse.

This kind of person always gets worse. You’re only seeing the beginning of it now it will get way worse after you’re married.

til_you_rock 3

Friend, I am seeing so may red flags here. Suggest you put some real thought into those red flags and realise they won't be getting better, but worse.

Charl3sD3xt3rWard 3

She is showing controlling behaviour now that she is sure that you are truly committed.... do you seriously want to start a legal contract with this woman? A legal contract that in case of a divorce could easily drag you to hell...

you deserve to find a girl that doesn't try to transform you in what she wants but that loves you as you are.

Spoiled kids turn into spoiled adults. Those without fiscal responsibility will struggle to find it or maintain it until FORCED to do so. You haven't even scratched the tip of the iceberg yet. Might I suggest a Titanic theme for your wedding? Seems apropos.

OldSpiceSmellsNice 3

Dude, you’ll be signing up for a life of hell followed by a hellish divorce then you’ll have a hellacious ex-wife.

Gtfo now and save yourself.

And please don’t fall for her crocodile tears and what will be empty promises that follow. She ain’t gonna change and this time she might just hide it until after the wedding. But you know who she really is, now.

Caitpark 2

I think this comes down to you both having different values- an essentially foundation for a successful marriage. As a woman who was engaged to a more vain and materialistic guy I can tell you it was exhausting. It turned me off that many of his life goals were combined with buying expensive gifts ie- if he got a promotion he would get a Rolex. I always kind of ignored it and didn’t totally recognize now much it bothered me until I called the wedding off for that amongst many other reasons. I’m now married to an awesome guy who is bald, has a beard and most importantly has a similar value system (family, friends and travel are important to both of us) and I couldn’t be happier.

In the great words of my grandmother “never settle.” Also, create and keep boundaries, I have a feeling your fiancé is used to getting her own way and this may come as a shock to her.

Sepideh1983 2

I think many of us see high maintenance girls and we thinks it's amazing to live with such a level of chick 24/7. However in many cases it brings with it a level of shallowness that we don't see at the beginning. For example when I go to the office I do 10 mins hair 10 mins makeup. therefore I get to have a job. My SIL on the other hand takes 10 mins for only putting on mascara and 1 hour for a blow dry. So if you want to pay a visit, you have to announce it a couple of days in advance. So she doesn't get to have a job. Not because we don't have 2 hours in 24 hours of day for maintenance, but keeping it up is way more than that. It comes with a ton of budget, following trends, hair and nail appointments, laser treatments. I read on later hair trends at least 3 hours prior to each hair appointment and I only have 3 appointments a year. So what I mean, in long term, it might make you feel there is a weight on your ankles that you are carrying every where with you. For example my brother has to take a day off and clean home before inviting us over because his wife needs to have perfect nail hair dress etc for the party. As a result we only go to their place once a year.

thecuriousblackbird 3

The expense is a lot even if you stick with the same look. Following trends in hair, makeup, skincare (changes with age, trends, dermatologists, facials, what the newest It girl is hawking) is time consuming and even more expensive. There’s the girls that do the YouTube and Instagrams and spend literally thousands and thousands of dollars on cosmetics for the videos. (Look at all the organizers full of products in the background of their videos)

A lifetime of being late to everything because she’s getting ready. Her being pissed because you said no more Sephora or she has to cut back on the _____.

reincarnatedunicorn 2

Oh my god, that’s not a phase, she’s my age and severely stunted by her upbringing. Run. Just RUN.

Kar_Man 2

I won’t be as thoughtful or as well spoken as these other commenters but I want to add my thoughts. Get out. Get out now. You can try to talk it out but like someone said below, make sure you’re setup to leave with separate finances, passwords, etc. These are giant red flags and the longer you wait, the harder it will be to break things off. Honestly, if it was just some expensive tastes and early bridezilla-ing, it would be fine. But the comments and continued pressuring about your appearance is completely offside.

SketchyPornDude 2

Dude, you already know what the best move is here. Get out. Just get the fuck out of this. She's still only giving you a small taste of what's coming. The flood gates will open as soon as that ring's on her finger, and it WILL get waaay worse. Find a woman who knows how to act like a kind, empathetic human being. Get rid of this bozo, she sounds like a bum. No offense, you can do better.

Nomorewasteoftime 2

Open up with her, tell her what bothers you , what you accept and don't accept and the values you appreciate and don't appreciate, and if she does not understand then I think it's time to leave. Good luck

katzluvme 2

I'd break it off asap and ask for the ring back.

ConsistentCheesecake 2

Wow, this is awful! It's very wrong of her to try to pressure you into getting a hair transplant instead of loving you as you are. And to do that right after you proposed feels calculated, imo. And insulting someone else's wedding to their face? Your fiancee is so rude!!!

The only example I can see her side on is the house, because married couples should make decisions together about that. It sounds like her attitude about it is kind of bratty but it's unreasonable to say your wife gets zero say in what home you live in together.

But yeah you should cut and run!

lydocia 2

You are both making the same mistake: you both found someone who were 70% of what you like, and you both figured you could change those 30% of them.

You can't.

The good news is, ya, you figured it out before you got married!

There are ladies out there who'd be all over your balding bearded face, and there are dudes out there who'd be all over spoiling her high-maintenance shallow ass.

Find hapiness elsewhere, because this will never be it.

Also, she is one of those people who is more into having a perfect wedding than a perfect marriage. I can tell you she doesn't speak for all of us. Many of the aforementioned ladies who will love you for who you are, will also want to have a wedding WITH you, not DESPITE you.

TheMerinoExperience 2

I'm not sure how you missed the red flags on this one, I'm not judging you for it, but don't slam on the accelerator would be my advice.

She's not changing now there's a ring on her finger, and the shit you told us she did sounds awful.

kj3044 2

Yo dawg, you better run for the hills. That's all I got to say

xmephistax 2

Dang! I’d be running away as fast as I can! So many red flags. I wonder how people like that exist (as in what she told your sister about her wedding!), they don’t process on how words can hurt others’ feelings. My advice is to break it up, looks like she’s doing you a favor by showing you her true colors before you make a bad decision...

recyclops-robotheart 2

Surely you must have noticed these quirks before you proposed?

violet_anarchy 2

This is not a phase.

As a side note...I love the shaved up top but bearded on bottom look. She's bonkers lol

Villa-Restal 2

You are repeatedly sticking your dick in crazy, you have to ask your self is it worth it.

cherryberrygirl 2

Will it simmer down? It's getting worse and worse

You have just answered your own question.

CaptainPoverty 2

Who says that?

I would

is this a phase? Will it simmer down?

no.

I'm getting the idea that you arent really a good match, my dude. A house isnt a phone that you can just toss out and buy another. Its a pain in the ass to buy a house. Mine isnt that good tbh but no fucking way am I going thru the process of fixing a place up to how I want it.

The hair thing isnt something I would think much of, but the persistence is bothersome. If she's used to a life of splurging, she isnt going to change. She has no reason to.

Wolfir 2

is this a phase?

It's funny how everyone comes on /r/relationships and basically asks if their partner will make radical personality changes over time.

No one just changes like that. I wanted to change, and I had to identify my problem behaviors and work tirelessly with a therapist. People with alcohol problems will drive around and attend five AA meetings a week in an attempt to change . . . and even with that much desire and commitment, it still doesn't happen for some people.

OP needs to ask himself whether his fiance is in control of her own happiness . . . or whether her happiness depends on how well her Instagram page communicates a veneer of luxury and sophistication to her friends and followers.

drivincryin 1

So much this! 98% of r/relationships and r/sex is “What’s the secret formula or the right thing to say to magically change my boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse?”

One of life’s greatest lessons is learning that you can’t change another person. No amount of arguing, nagging, hoping will make a person stop drinking, have sex more or different, lose weight, get a job, etc, etc.

Change is hard AF and it has to be self-motivated.

DupleAA 2

You are getting red flags, I think it’s important you acknowledge them now, rather than later. Do you honestly think this behavior will rid itself, or get better after you’re married?

Sisyphean_Love 2

Based on what you have said, I would break up with her. If you gave her the ring already, take it back. If you end up deciding to go through with marriage, get a prenup. Good luck OP

myprettyponies 2

I know women like this. My brother was married to a woman like this. She is not marrying you because she loves you, she is marrying you because a wedding is a status symbol to her. Once the excitement and attention of an engagement and a wedding wear off and she is faced with the unglamorous reality of marriage, she will be gone.

texasusa 2

When people show you who they are, believe them !

ThisIsHowItStartss 2

Usually I wouldn’t say this, but, it’s probably a good idea to leave her. This behavior will only continue and grow more extreme.

TheFoxAndTheRaven 2

This isn't a phase, it's what the rest of your life is going to be like. You're going to be miserable trying to cater to this princess.

Run.

greenshrove 2

Full stop. You have a full parade of red flags waving in your face. You have fundamental differences in how the two of you see life. It appears from your post that a lot of them have to do with finances. Money is a big cause of many divorces. If you continue down this path I would HIGHLY suggest premarital counseling. But, I think you already know the answer.

xshawtyschroniclesx 2

Just hope to read an update on this.

And please, whatever decision you take, don't be manipulated.

lilspaghettigrandma 2

I just got engaged recently. I understand her propensity to be a little over the top and excited about everything wedding-related... even over a year away.

But this is not just being over the top. She’s being blatantly rude to you and your family. She is acting like one day a year and a half away is worth making everyone around her annoyed the entire time leading up to it. This won’t simmer down — this is the woman you are engaged to.

If respectfully talking to her about this stuff doesn’t do the trick, I’d be reconsidering.

aurora170 2

When people show you who they are, believe them

knowtheday 2

She’s been keeping her behavior under wraps, because she still had mommy and daddy to give her what she wants, but now you’ve signed up for the role of “providing” for her, so you get the full treatment. Good luck!!!!

The is the best it will ever be. You know her true colors.......

The is is best it will ever be. You know her true colors.......

zandeandecamde 2

She's high maintenance. She cares about money and appearances but not tact or people's feelings.

vcabalda 2

Shes trying to change you and anytime you bring up something about her you dont like, WWIII. Shes a hypocrite and she has zero incentive to change or compromise. If shes bad now, I wonder how bad it'll be when kids come into the picture. Do some soul searching and see if shes the one. Dont expect to change her and if you're not having fun, what's the point?

(Check out Patrice O'Neal...dude is a legend when it comes to relationships)

pink_pie3 2

It’s not going to change, honestly it might get worse. She is 100% comfortable with you now, and these are her true colors. Quite shitty of her to ask you to get a hair transplant, I hope you make the right decision because obviously you know you aren’t and won’t be happy.

DankHemplar 2

Sounds like you have a bridezilla.

poetofsomesort 1

You want your marriage and wedding to be perfect, if it's like this before the wedding, it'll get worse and worse after

baby_armadillo 1

It’s time to get some couples counseling. Like immediately. Weddings can bring out the competitive and insecure worst in some people. Let her know that you love her but her behavior is making you uncomfortable and that you won’t go forward with the wedding until you guys talk it through with a therapist.

If you do decide to move ahead with the wedding, I also suggest you look into pre-marital counseling with a focus on discussing money issues like savings, spending, retirement, investments, expectations about working , and how to care for and raise your children.

gleamofsteel 1

You have an opportunity to dodge a bullet here!

Empressoftheforsaken 1

I think you should break up with her. Now, this is your relationship so we can only offer as much as we can on Reddit. But this is her true side, it wasn't something temporary (like bridezillas), you said that she has been like this since you met. It is disrespectful and hurtful for her to hint that she wants you to change your appearance that you like and are comfortable with because she wants you to look better so she can look better. That's just being ego-centric. If she is demanding these things now, imagine what will happen when you're married and she knows for sure you are not going to leave her that easily. Just look at how she was before the engagement and after, now that she have you hooked half-way, she started to show her real side more. If you are to marry her, for the love of everything holy in this world, sign a prenup because this woman will most likely take half or probably everything you own.

In my opinion, there are so many women out there that are humble and down-to-earth, that aren't going to want to change your looks, made you feel bad about it, ask for a new house or have an expensive wedding because "cheap = bad". She is acting like a child, throwing tantrum until she gets what she wants. You want a wife, not a brat.

BurritoMonsters 1

Sounds like you see the issues already. My two cents would to be not to ignore the red flags. I can say I was in a similar situation, decided to try (because of love) and it did not end well.

If you proceed you must be absolutely willing to take all consequences.

Sorry to hear you are in this difficult situation. Do what’s best for yourself.

nonivirani 1

So hold on, her parents spoil her as it is and they were her caretakers before you proposed. So now she’s making it as you’re the caretaker and you have to take care of her. Honestly I would tell her that her behavior is disgusting and it’s not what you look for in your future wife or the mother of your children. I would end it now or it could be this way for the rest of your life. My fiancé proposed but the only thing that really changed was more preparing him for a traditional Muslim wedding. (He’s Caucasian and used to white dress weddings). Just be upfront cause if you can’t deal with this stuff now, you won’t want to for the rest of your life I promised.

rogue-alpha 1

try to talk it out with her, if it doesn't work dump her, immediately.

elpapiofdragons 1

Sounds like a shitty road ahead. Trust your gut man. I went through similar things with my current wife and 2 years later i'm looking for a way out.

alsoaprettybigdeal 1

When someone shows you who they are, believe them. This is who she is. It won't change.

EnderCrypt 1

seems like she is finally showing her true side now that she thinks she have you hooked, if you arent ready to break up with her yet.. just let her keep going, it will probalbly get worse and worse and more and more annoying

​

its actually a bit suprising that she couldnt keep holding her facade up till after the marraige was finished

so i guess you are lucky, you got the red flag, now.. run

onesandwichtoday 1

High maintenance and being rude to others are two different things. Of course they tend to go together. But, being rude to others especially family and children is just a non starter to me.

drivincryin 1

DTMFA!

Run!! Run fast and hard.

You will be fucking miserable if you marry her. Then you’ll end up paying through the nose and losing your house in an ugly divorce.

kep9000 1

Run, that behavior will only get worse

dasuberblonde 1

I think she's maybe just getting over excited and becoming a "bridezilla." You have an entire two years of knowing this person where she didn't act like this. I wouldn't jump to breaking up; the person you love is still in there, it's just been swept up in the craziness of wedding planning. Some women actually fantasize about their wedding from the time they're a little girl! She's probably put a lot of weight on this moment for her entire life and is becoming a primadonna so it all matches her vision.

Sit down and have a serious conversation with her. I wouldn't drop the "I'm thinking of breaking up with you" in that conversation, but tell her how the way she is acting is showing you a different side of her that you don't like and aren't comfortable with. Tell her you miss the way she was before. See if she goes back to normal. If not, then maybe it would be time to consider ending it.

PocaSonja 1

I held back when I was a girlfriend but let it all hang out when my bf proposed to me. Things I felt like I couldn't do while his gf i could do while his fiancee. It was different stuff like sitting on his lap and laying my hand over his beautiful face to caress him, I didn't care if he felt my entire 145 pounds in his lap because he wanted ME.

Sounds like your gf is acting out and being her brattiest self without fear you will want to leave her now that shes on her way to sealing the deal. I think everything you've said in this post needs to be said to her and be extremely truthful, you dont want a wife who'd going to be such a high maintenance jerk, the wedding is far enough away you could give her a good six month and watch of she slips into her newfound habits again. And I will add that wedding planning is likely bringing out a side in her too.

thecatsatonthehat 1

You're planning on marrying this woman, so talk to her about her behaviour. And also maybe just take a look at yourself, perhaps the reason you're getting so annoyed and noticing all of these things is because of your own fear of being committed to someone. Nobody is ever going to be perfect, that's the beauty of a relationship, you learn to love the person as a human and not a robot you invented.

rightinthefeelsies 1

I’m currently going through a horrific divorce because I always “let the little things go” and didn’t just walk away when I should have.

My therapist recently told me
“The person you met and fell in love with, well that’s an audition. They show you the best version of themselves, and it’s all an act. The person you see once they don’t feel like they need to be on an audition anymore, now that’s who they really are, that’s who you’re really married to.”

She was acting before, and pretending she could be okay with not being spoiled and coddled, and her parents were fulfilling her material needs, which she and they probably now see as your “responsibility”. Her excessive designer needs, her perfectionism, her criticism, these aren’t “wedding nitpicks” these are behavioral issues that will not only continue, but grow.

Her comments about your looks are very startling and upsetting, because that’s beyond materialism, that’s narcissism. As someone divorcing a narcissist, I can tell you that it only gets worse, and becomes degrading, and in my case, lead to cheating. Not for lack of anything offered at home, but for egotistical and materialistic desires that resulted in needing affirmation from more than just me.

Unfortunately, things like that can’t be “fixed” with love, you can love someone in spite of them, love them through the problems, but it does not mean that they will change and in this case, her pettiness when you address them with her, shows you that she cares more about appearance and material things, than she does about building a loving, stable marriage and life together.

Equality_Executor 1

"anything else you worship will eat you alive. If you worship money and things-if they are where you tap real meaning in life-then you will never have enough. Never feel you have enough. It's the truth. Worship your own body and beauty and sexual allure and you will always feel ugly, and when time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally plant you."

-David Foster Wallace

carolynpink 1

Believe people when they show you who they are.

QuixoticQueen 1

She has asked me about getting a bigger house after getting married even though I already bought a house a year before we met. I have no plans of selling it and I do not want to buy a bigger one for just 2 people. I told her this and the demands continued until she cried about how I am being inconsiderate.

This is the only thing that's slightly ok. I can understand her wanting you two to buy a house together, not necessarily a bigger one (unless kids are imminent) but she might feel like the house is more yours than both of you.

The rest - if someone shows you who they truly are, believe them.

thecuriousblackbird 3

But it was demands, crying, and below the belt hissy fits. Not a constructive dialogue where she explains that she’d like a house that’s theirs. Which could be a goal for a few years in the future when equity has built up. Or instead of an ex wedding.

From the sounds of it im not sure this woman is capable of ever having constructive communication.

Aggravating_Lettuce 1

"if they treat you bad before you're married, theyre going to treat you worse after"

Wolfbearsharkfalcon 1

This is a recipe for disaster. Whenever you see things like this in a partner, imagine them intensifying over time.

The bald thing I can’t stand by. I LOVE bald guys and I’m not alone, it has a lot to do with testosterone being higher typically in bald guys and pheromones/etc.

What is her career? How is she contributing to this new house and is she getting you a hair transplant as a gift? Because first of all it’s expensive and second of all it’s a horrible gift to give someone. All this says is “I don’t accept you exactly as you are” listen to it.

Women who care a lot what other people think will eventually have issues in other ways, and why else would you want a fancier wedding a bigger house or a magazine husband. Stay off your phone and live in reality. End it dude

Riot101 1

I often find that people who post already see the writing on the wall, they just haven't come to terms with it. It is clear from what you wrote that this is a problem to the extent it is a deal breaker. She cares more about appearances and things than the relationship with you and your family. Better you found out now. You sound like a good guy and shouldn't have trouble finding someone who cares about the relationship and not the things that come with it.

TimeyWimeys 1

I get that women get excited about things like this in ways men do not

Uh...no. Nope, that's all just her, and you don't have to settle for that behavior because 'women get excited'. Excitement doesn't translate into bad behavior. That's just her, as an individual person, being self-absorbed and rude.

beantrice 1

Yikes. I don’t see how this could be “just a phase”...possible but extremely unlikely. It sounds like you’re fiancé is very entitled and superficial and that these characteristics were evident to you, although to a lesser degree up until you got engaged. Perhaps it is a problem that can be resolved with a frank conversation where you let her know your feelings on the issues you described, or something you can see a couples counsellor for. But you should definitely not marry her and cross your fingers that things will get better. If you don’t want a pushy, shallow, greedy wife who disrespects your family members you’re going to have to either talk to her about this or break it off. It sounds like this might just be who she is and she’d have to do a big 180 for her to be compatible with you, I hope for your sake that’s not the case. Good luck OP.

Baseballaholic 1

Get out. For the love of god. Get out now while you still can.

PepperPixie09 1

She has always been "high maintenance" in ways and its never really bothered me because she's never pushed for anything from me (like when she wants to buy 500$+ purses and other things). She usually gets it herself or her parents (who have spoiled her) give her money for it.

Now, I won't lie and say these are qualities I am okay with, its not something I think is positive, but she was loving and amazing in her own ways and I didn't think it could get any worse.

I think you put up with it when she was your g/f because all her high maintenance issues essentially wasn't really your problem - the payback of having her as your hot g/f outweighed any negatives. It appears you take care of yourself physically and that you know what works for you ito your own appearance, so I think she's probably physically very attractive and dresses high end. This matches your physical ideal of a hot girl and someone whom you would be proud to be seen. It's a different kettle of fish when you intend to live with this person as your wife and mother of your children - shit starts becoming real.

With some marriages, you don't just marry your spouse, you also marry into a new family. If she is already ticking off your family before the marriage, be prepared for awful, stressful family get togethers. I agree with another poster, who was more succinct than me - some self-reflection on the part of the OP is required.

​

I think you put up with it when she was your g/f because all her high maintenance issues essentially wasn't really your problem - the payback of having her as your g/f outweighed any negatives. It appears you take care of yourself physically and know what works for you ito your own appearance, so I think she's probably physically very attractive and dresses high end. This matches your physical ideal of a hot girl and someone whom you would be proud to be seen. It's a different kettle of fish when you intend to live with this person as your wife and mother of your children - shit starts becoming real.

fwooby_pwow 1

Her parents spoiled her before, but now that you’re committing to her, that shit is your problem. She has you on the hook and her true self is slipping out. Couples counseling might save this relationship, but do you even want it to be saved? Or would you rather find someone who isn’t a rude, spoiled brat?

Onlyonequestion1 1

Run my dude. Abandon the house, move states, change your name. Get the hell out. Since you're ready to out a ring on it she doesn't have to behave anymore.

Jerico_Hill 1

Run the hell away, very, very fast.

La_Malienne 1

Sounds like the type to suck all your money then leaves you fir another victim...

If you think she's the one then go for it, otherwise I'd suggest you break off the wedding. (I wouldnt marry someone that disrespects my family)

plexiglasshouse 1

When I got engaged, suddenly my partner’s flaws were magnified because the idea of “forever” set in. So it could be a combination of her dialing up her crazy, and you noticing it/being bothered by it more.

Engagement is a transitional period that should give you more and more confidence that this is the right person for you. So you are having the exact right conversation with yourself. Based on your post, it sounds like you value different things.

Have you communicated about what you value and what you want your family values to be? For my husband and I, we value saving money and making sacrifices now for a more comfortable future. For instance, we picked the local neighborhood daycare instead of the more elite preschool. Maybe come up with different hypothetical scenarios you see yourself in and ask her how she would handle them and her thoughts. My hypothesis is that you have very different viewpoints on what’s truly important.

Either way, you should communicate to her that insulting your sister was obvious and uncomfortable for everybody and you will not stand for that in the future. No more comparing. Before you know it, she’ll be putting down your nieces and nephews for having cheap clothes and toys unlike her rich baby.

Trollydollyx 1

No it’s not a phase lol

It wouldn’t even matter if you loved all these qualities because someone like this just bleeds you dry mentally, emotionally and financially. I just wonder what will happen once her parents back out of supporting her obnoxious and obscene ideas of her ideal lifestyle. Because eventually the parents won’t be keeping a lid on her BS since she’s married and has a husband to financially suck dry instead.

I went to a private high school with girls exactly like this unfortunately. And what really happened when they grew into adulthood was nothing short of disastrous. I say really because on the outside perspective on Facebook they looked perfect. Their relationships so perfect not even a romance novel could match. Their new cars so pristine and always the newest model. Their engagements, baby showers and any celebration remotely involving them were lavish and flawless. Also let’s just clarify I’m not talking about the average Facebook boasting no no, I’m talking about extreme perfection down to the T. If a family member posted something and it didn’t make the cut you wouldn’t see it on their page or on fb at all. And god forbid your soul if you ever posted a photo of them without written approval.

Anyways my point is that over the years iv had to talk a few guy mates out of suicide. Because they felt their life was a lie and they could never actually match up to the picture their SO was creating. Especially since it wasn’t who they really were to begin with and it slowly isolated them from any real connections. All along drowning them in the mounting pressure of work to maintain these lifestyle ideas. All for the sake of pleasing the SO.

Many soldiers have fallen while attempting this my friend so stick to your gut.

LCM75360 1

Yeah, this doesn't sound like a good situation.
If she really loves you, your hair and house shouldn't be issues and she should just accept and love you for YOU.
I've seen women do these things and act this way and it's safe to say it's just going to get worse.
And given that, should you break things off prepare for major bullshit. If you don't break things off then prepare to deal with her and her escalating bullshit.
Marriage is a huge commitment, make sure that this is the person for you. Don't just think about the now, think about the future.
Good luck.

ryguygoesawry 1

is this a phase?

No.

Will it simmer down?

No.

GlitteringAerie 1

Honestly you picked a bad partner. You had some signs to tell you this before and now it's very clear. Break off the engagement.

lynn 1

This is why an entitled attitude is (or should be) a dealbreaker even if it’s not directed st you. Someday it will be. Like when you’re married.

WellForFoxSake_ 1

The materialism is one red flag, but I’d be more concerned about how she’s treating your family. Part of a relationship is connecting with your partner enough to realize what’s important to them and, in some cases, forgoing your own hang ups in order to fulfill those important things. Respecting your family should be pretty basic.

toosoontogohome 1

Hello, high maintenance woman here 👋🏻. I have several $1000+ purses and a few homes that my parents helped me purchase (the homes, not the purses). My man is also balding slightly 😬. I say this to provide another data point from a similar female segment. I know I am high maintenance and self centered, but I would NEVER act the way your fiancé is.

I’ve never asked my man to get hair implants. He’s insecure about it and I have expressed my full support for whatever he wants to do to make him feel more confident. And I tell him frequently how handsome and sexy I find him. To caveat, the reason I feel this way is because he is equally concerned about his appearance so I know it’s not something I need to encourage him on bc he is a self-starter in this regard.

I treat his family w grace, appreciation, respect, and support. In fact, just over Thanksgiving my brother’s dog chewed up one of his family dog toys and so I immediately replaced it w several more toys even though his family made it clear it was not a big deal. I could never IMAGINE talking down to the decisions that ANYONE makes so long as it’s not hurtful to others.

I am very concerned about our future home as well, but my approach is having a discussion about our joint financial goals, what we hope to achieve TOGETHER, and being clear that we jointly contribute to said goals, more or less equally.

What your fiancé is missing is a self sufficient and team mindset. She thinks that now she’s getting married, you’re going to be her provider. My advice is, if you WANT to work through this, tell her this is a dealbreaker and that if she continues acting this way, you will end the engagement. If she concedes, draw up very clearly your expectations within the marriage. Then extend the engagement period to ensure she gets it and behaves accordingly.

Hello, high maintenance woman here 👋🏻. I have several $1000+ purses and a few homes that my parents helped me purchase. My man is also balding slightly 😬. I say this to provide another data point from a similar female segment. I know I am high maintenance and self centered, but I would NEVER act the way your fiancé is.

gangstajoe 1

Marriage is a life long decision. If you are having these thoughts now, trust your gut.

The fact that you are even contemplating splitting up is a huge flag there let alone asking random strangers about it. You know what to do.

Creamed_Crap 1

Dude I read your story and you have enough red flags to make a quilt. I know someone who married a woman just like this. Did not end well.

Save yourself the cost of both a wedding and the inevitable divorce.

alawyerwholifts 1

If you do decide to leave make sure you don’t wait until you have lived together for two years. A de facto couple residing together for 2+ years means she has legal claim to your assets and income.

BodhiLV 1

Not in all jurisdictions.

c0ral1ne 1

Have you tried having a conversation with her? Like sitting her down, explain these new events and ask her what’s going on. Tell her that you feel like she’s acting obnoxiously and unfairly and see if she’s willing to change for you, or at least get to the bottom of the behaviour change. Don’t immediately mention that you are considering breaking up or she might just revert back to being less obnoxious until, for example, you are actually married, but it might come in handy later on so she understands that her actions are having serious consequences.

If she becomes defensive and just starts shouting or won’t rationally consider your questions/POV then it might be time to consider breaking it off.

JezieNeeChan 1

She sounds like a future "Bridezilla". If you're already having reconsiderations... I would take that to heart and listen to your gut.

light-sabol 1

She sounds like a whole lot more than that, don’t you think? Like bridezilla yeah probably , but that still would be the LEAST of my concerns here. What about everything else OP said about her spoiled, entitled, selfish behavior about so many things. This is who she is and it seems AWFUL, who would want to marry into that nightmare? Bridezilla would be super annoying, but still only temporary. This is so much more than that. Get out, OP.

FeelLikeMocha 1

I would say she is greedy lol... As a wife to stay together for a lifetime, having her begging for owning more stuff is gonna be stressful. Also she believes in her own opinions in a really harsh way, that certainly hurt people’s feelings.

smegheadgirl 1

You've got a bridzilla on your hands. Keep the wedding on and you risk alienating friends and family because of her increasingly stupid demands...

Autochthonous7 1

You’re in for a surprise buddy. All the stuff she’s been getting handed by her parents she will now expect from you. Asking you to get a hair transplant and calling your sisters wedding cheap is pretty shallow.

Hype_x 1

Yeah it’s worth getting a second opinion. Ask her what she is working on to be her best self. If she isn’t the. You have a real winner if she is actively working on her self then you guys are going to win together.

bimnerbaby 1

I can’t imagine slating my sister-in-laws wedding day, especially in front of her!! That in itself is horrible horrible behaviour. She sounds like a spoilt little brat, used to getting her own way, so either you need to conform and bend to her every wish, or dodge that bullet and say your goodbyes!

canon12 1

Your intuition is screaming at you. If you don't listen to it you are in for a bumpy and miserable ride.

Onetwothreefourdone 1

It sounds like you two are not compatible. Having a smaller “starter” home and then buying a larger one once you settle down is a pretty normal thing to do and her suggestion to do that isn’t ridiculous. But you think it is, and that’s ok. Treating baldness isn’t ridiculous, people do it every day. But you think it is, and it sounds like she’s being pushy about how you look. Lots of people have a “no children” wedding, that’s totally acceptable. If you two disagree on that, it would be a good sign if you sit down and talk about it rather than her just hinting at it.

Anyway, I don’t think any of the things that she seems to want or suggest are ridiculous overall. It just seems like you two are not compatible. You should consider calling it off if you can’t find some compromise. Though I’d like to point out that it’s possible that her emotional reactions are more a result of her feeling like you call her (reasonable for some people but not your cup of tea) suggestions “ridicuous.”

sunshine358 1

In my opinion the hair thing alone is a dealbreaker. It’s your physical appearance. She doesn’t get to make decisions about that. Even if that was the only issue I’d tell you to run. With everything else you’ve described, including disrespecting your family, I would get out.

wkf9510 1

It’s sad to see she sees things wrong with your appearance and the comment she made about your sister. The big red flag is you have different financial philosophies it seems. How do the two of you split up expenses or do you share any? Does she have an expectation that you will just live beyond your means to get her what she wants? You’ve held your ground but if you get married, these things might weigh on you more. Definitely reconsider marriage.

nameam123 1

I, myself, have given a little wardrobe change to my husband’s closet but not to an extent of trying so hard to modify his genetic makeup. Try to communicate openly without biases and ask for reasons and the intent of her choices/actions. You mentioned that she is spoiled and by the looks of it she seems to get what she wants. I think you should remind/talk to her about what wedding/marriage is going to be about. I don’t blame you if you decide to end things up but I do believe that relationships need to be worked out especially on a phase like this. Don’t act according to how people see it should go, you guys know what the whole and real picture is and we only see a glimpse of it according to what you have written here. I suggest you guys go to pre marriage counseling if you both are willing to work it out and at least to remind you about what else is coming through.

PM_ME_YO_DICK_VIDEOS 1

I'd end it if I were you.

From my experience, and friends, and family, and step parents, etc. The charade is off. She doesn't have to be on her best behavior. The asking/spending/demanding will continue and get worse since you'll be the person she asks all the time and if you deny she will demonize you to everyone.

As for the comments about your looks.. like.. God damn, that would be enough for me to drop someone right then and there.

glowloris 1

What her parents get for her now- you'll be expected to provide.
She's showing you her coffee values. Appearances are super important to her. She already want to change you to fit her perfect mental picture- and you being bold is not fitting. Nor does your * small* house. Look deeper in what's important to you, look very well( and i mean do the work of really getting to know her value system, her aspirations in life and what she's willing and able to contribute vs what she's expecting you to provide. Even more important than that- if these are the values and qualities you want in ther mother of your children- because these are the values she'll be imparting on them.

I think there is a lot more getting to know her and knowing how it fits with your vision aaand values to be done- before committing to a marriage.

Not-a-Kitten 1

The engagement is like a shadow day for a job interview. This is not going well. Better to know now becore you sign the papers. Get out!!

SmellyLipstick 1

This is who she is and this will be who you marry. It will only get worse from here on.

scienceislice 1

Dude I don’t care how hot she is, no woman is hot enough to put up with this shit. Break up with her and find someone who treats you and your family with respect.

unsubfrompolitics 1

It's nice that she thinks a 4 year old gives a shit about a wedding. But either way, it's this kind of behaviours that is the most telling to me. It's manipulative and, given that is bad enough, she doesn't have any quarrels about dishing it out to a 4 year old who isn't even her kid, or a relation (yet).

I hate people like your fiance.

Dolmenoeffect 1

“Will this get better once we are married?”

NO. Whatever IT is, IT will get worse, every single time.

champagne-kisses 1

You might want to reconsider things. Be thankful that she chose to show her true colors during the engagement stage rather than after you both said "I Do". Her behavior sounds very off putting and downright insulting. You don't have to change your physical appearance just because she wants you to be the "best version of yourself" or whatever bs excuse she said. If the roles were reversed and you asked her to start wearing makeup, dye her hair or lose a few pounds then you'd be viewed as some monster. Then she had the audacity to comment about your family and how they CHOSE to get married? She sound like an entitled brat who is only used to getting her way. Seriously don't ignore these red flags and truly take some time to consider whether you want to go through with this or not. Best of luck!

TessDevin 1

In case you're still reading these OP - I have a slightly different spin on what i think could be happening in her mind.

Now that it's "real" and she realizes she's going to spend the rest of her life with you, she may be feeling a lot of pressure to live up to what she believes are society's standards. She's trying to model her life into what she has come to understand are symbols of not just success, but happiness. Obviously she's going about it all wrong, but if she is generally a "loving and amazing" person as you describe, maybe her actions aren't with malicious intent.

Go to premarital counselling, ask what she thinks marriage and your life together will look like... It may become obvious that she's trying to mould her/your life into an ideal that has nothing to do with what you both really want. She was clearly fine with the way you were both living before, so hopefully a therapist can help guide you both to a more realistic vision of your life together.

alekhya09 1

If she isn't satisfied with the original you and doesn't love you for who you are, then she's probably not the one for you. Simple as that.

FinancialRaise 1

Now that she has you, she doesn't have to pretend. Also, now that she's a forever thing, you don't get to overlook annoyances. Cute quirks like asking mommy and daddy for a luxury purse is now annoyances because she'll ask you and may deliver a fit if you don't give it.

NotTheOnePercentMilk 1

Just a possibility: has she ever been diagnosed with a bipolar disorder? It sounds like she could be manic/hypomanic. Even if she's never been diagnosed before, this could be her first episode.

Juan_jt 1

She thinks its a done deal now for you. So she can be herself. So what you are seeing now. IS her. Just from this post i can already tell shes a nightmare. Demanding bigger more expensive shit for no reason. is top of my No No list.

LukeVinscotti 1

Break it off and run for the hills this is a BIG RED FLAG!! lucky you seen it early on

rosedust666 1

To be fair on the hair thing, she is the one who has to look at you all the time. Maybe she didn't realize your plan for dealing with your receding hairline was to shave it all off and grow a beard. I'm not saying that you should do exactly what she wants all the time appearance-wise, but you should take her preferences into account. For example, my bf has been made well aware that he is not to grow a beard, as they are a major turn-off for me. And I sometimes let my hairdresser style my hair to his preferences instead of mine after she cuts it. But for the rest.... It sounds like she's grown up in an environment that hasn't taught her the value of money. She's used to being handed whatever she wants, and has developed tastes to match. Unfortunately, that's not usually the kind of thing people grow out of without a rude wake-up call, usually from being cut off.

cavelioness 1

I know that you can't change people if they don't want to be changed, but honestly I would try and talk all this out with her some more.

Does she have a job? I'm assuming that she does because you said that sometimes she buys expensive things for herself, rather than her parents buying them.

If she has a job and will be contributing, things like this:

She has asked me about getting a bigger house after getting married even though I already bought a house a year before we met. I have no plans of selling it and I do not want to buy a bigger one for just 2 people. I told her this and the demands continued until she cried about how I am being inconsiderate.

Are not how a conversation between engaged people should go. I would ask her why she wants a bigger house. Have you guys discussed if you want kids? Have you done a budget together? The house that you bought wasn't able to be bought with her imput, because you hadn't met her yet. Are there things she doesn't like about it? How is the school district it is in? What features does she want in a house? Is there something that she might want added to the current house, down the line, that might be cheaper than a new house but make her feel better about this one? How much is she able to contribute if you guys were buying a new house together?

Those are the conversations that you should be having. Not, "No, I just bought a house , we're not changing it, full stop."

Quite frankly, it's really common for newly married people to both leave their current dwelling and get something new together, so that they both feel it's their place, not a place belonging to one or the other. Now if I'm wrong and she doesn't have a job, then she certainly doesn't have as much say here, but... this person is going to share your life, you don't get unilateral decisions on things that affect you equally anymore. Like where you live.

In the other instances, she's being very rude. And the hair one, she's being controlling. There are a ton of good posts on this very sub about why it's wrong to control the way a partner dresses or wears their hair. If it were me, I'd look up a few of them and bring up some points about why it is wrong, so that she can understand your reasons, rather than just hear "No".

You may want to trust your instincts and get out. But whoever you end up choosing, this isn't all her. Any person will need a bit more effort on your end than it seems to me you have been giving. Some more explanation than just shutting down and saying no. You might consider pre-marriage counselling where you bring these concerns up.

myunfinishedtattoo 1

You said "high maintenance" and not "high class". Maybe its just words, but they mean whole different things. Only one implies the other. And what one of them lacks is what you are addressing here.

"Will you be ok, for us to be poor together ?" would be something i would ask before getting in a life long contract with such a person.

alexbayside 1

It will only get worse. Get out while you can. She’s showing her true colours because she thinks you’re committed and the wedding is a done deal. End it. Sounds like you want to. You for this, OP.

Sisi21cent 1

Completely different situation what I am about to say but: women go insane over marriage. Will it be forever? That’s the shot you take.

Take this from an ex-bridesmaid who recently « broke up » with the bride, with whom I have been close friends for the past 7years.

Unacceptable behavior. I know in your case it’s different, but I have never seen my friend behaving like this. And I’m talking about a nerdy, introvert who preaches about being low-key.

BS that’s all I have seen so far.

Privacy_Policy_NoGO 1

Sorry man, but you need to accept the life of constant debt to impress or find a new partner. If you stay with her the minute she gains a pound, wrinkle, or crows foot you will be tempted to call her out for not looking her best. Your divorce will definitely take you through the wringer. Good luck, my vote is to get out now.

Source: I didn't

ElorianRidenow 1

So..you got a person there, that got everything she demanded. She probably never had to work for it, not for the money and not emotionally. She probably never learnt to be thankful for anything she got.

Bottomline: She is emotionally a toddler. She never developed beyond a certain point and is, at least in my eyes, not capable of having a loving relationship. She'll have to learn that she should define herself not materially and I just don't think she'll ever understand that.

wanked_in_space 1

OP, you've had a look into your future if you marry this woman.

Is this what you want from life?

091011CM 1

Run. It's a lot easier to break up than divorce.

graatre 1

I think she's always been high maintenance but her parents kept it up for her, and now when you marry her you take over those parents job. The shift is happening right now and you're finally learning what a life with this person will be; a caretaker.

And I've got a theory; half of the population is a caretaker-type of person and the other half cant take care of themselves. So pick your partners wisely.. Lol.

SpeckledEggs 1

Make sure your birth control game is locked down while you make this decision. Also bald and fit? Not a thing wrong with that. Best of luck - she sounds like a caution.

artparade 1

This might be a bit shitty to hear but if you say

"It's getting worse and worse, to the point where I'm considering breaking things off and looking for someone more compatible for me. "

Don't you think you allready kinda made your mind about this situation? It sounds like she wants you to treat her now like her parents always did.

mischiffmaker 1

Yup. Been there, done that with a guy. When they think they have you all tied up and committed, they show themselves for who they really are. If you don't like this behavior in a fiancee, what's going to happen when she's a wife?

At her age, she may learn better behaviors, but you've already stated her parents have indulged her. She's used to asking and getting, not asking and having to compromise.

Good luck to you.

nap__time 1

Agree with all the comments here, and want to add an additional take. Her behavior might be evidence that she’s not fully on board with you as her life partner, but is very intent on getting wifeyed up and having a fairytale life. It’s possible she’s thrilled about the prospect of marriage, and is fully caught up in the superficial aspects of it: the ring, fancy party, being the center of attention, etc. But now the permanence of it all set in and she’s scrambling to mold you into who she imagines perfection to be.

It’s possible it’s a phase. It’s possible she’ll snap out of the daydream and realize what’s important (love and partnership through thick and thin). She may have some maturing to do. I wouldn’t make any rash decisions until you’ve taken steps to discuss this. She may not realize herself what’s happening in her. Consider it project 1 in the rest of your lives together.

But you know the situation better than we do. If it comes to it, it’s not too late to get out.

nicebane 1

Look up affluenza. She has a bad case. Serious values conflict here.

hotandcoal 1

"I spoke to her about both incidents and she got offended because I'm ruining our perfect day and all her happiness."

Fiancee is the only one ruining her own happiness.
I highly doubt that her character, personality traits have suddenly changed. If you are doubting marrying a woman like this then end it..... she'll get worse after the marriage.

sweetsweetdingo 1

This will pour over onto your future children. And what do you think she’ll say when you get older and your body gets softer and you start showing your age? Seems like she’s too concerned with how other people see her and you as an extension of her.

loosespacejunk 1

She showed her true colors after feeling secure in relationship. Run brother!

AZBusyBee 1

Sounds like you need to go to premarital counciling. If she expects to be spoiled once you're married you're the one expected to spoil her instead of her parents.

throwaway19982015 1

I hope you actually talk to her before deciding to break things off. And by talk to her, I mean actually sit her down and tell her that you’re appalled by her behavior to the point that you’re considering ending the engagement. See where that goes before making a decision.

Sure, she could be “showing her true colors” and this is how she actually is. Or, she could just be totally caught up in a fairy tale idea of a wedding and need to be brought back down to earth.

Either way, if you’re ready to throw out the relationship without having a serious discussion with her first, it’s probably best you don’t get married regardless.

starfallprime 1

Don't forget that withdrawing your marriage proposal but staying in the relationship is another option.

You haven't signed anything... yet!

If you are looking for a soft option, you could take that one. I think you'd get the correct resolution one way or another shortly after that though!

GarfieldSighs3 1

It’s not going to get any better. I was with someone for 2 years who was like this and only realized how crazy they were when I started seeing someone new who was literally the opposite - appreciative of the smallest things, caring, etc

Floweringpooops 1

Break up with her today. She is showing you her true colors and she hasn't even officially locked you down yet. It's not getting prettier from here trust me.

UsagiDreams 1

She's always been like this. You chose to ignore it and now it's gotten 'worse' because she thinks everything is settled and she doesn't need to try as hard. And once you're married, I can imagine she will start coming to you wanting her $500 bags, instead of her parents. Also, she sees you as a project for her to 'fix'. She wants you to look a certain way. She wants you to provide a certain lifestyle for her, and when you show signs that you're not a doormat, she gets mad. Leave her, like yesterday.

Omgjenny 1

Bridezilla in the making, run!!!

Pintofteaplz 1

Late to the party but ..You have made your mind up already.

The last few sentences you wrote "Will it simmer down? It's getting worse and worse..." so no it will not simmer down.

It seems like she thinks you're a fixer-upper and, when applied to people, that rarely ends well.

Publius2015 1

Your own story betrays what you KNOW -- this circumstance is revealing her truest self. Big life milestones create opportunities for revelations about the true character of a person.

Clearly, the circumstance of pondering and planning a wedding is highlighting her character rather brightly for you. And, you recognize the self-absorption, cluelessness, and ugliness in her words and deeds.

Get out now, before you make an formal, legal, and spiritual commitment to dealing with all of that for the rest of your life.

Hobbesina 1

The biggest issue here in my view is the inconsideration for other people's voices and feelings. She's being selfish and hurtful, and either she has really poor social graces, or I fully understand why you would rethink marrying a woman with this kind of moral compass. It's not a "female thing" though; I've met plenty male grooms who behaved in similar entitled and bratty ways, so please don't make it a gender thing.

Fact is, she's acting like a spoilt, entitled brat. At 28, that's a problem in my eyes. It sounds like it is in yours as well.

flowr12 1

God OP. I don’t think this even something to question. First off, she should not care about how you are presented with her! She should absolutely adore you as is. You say that you take care of yourself physically and I’m sure also hygienically which is really all that matters. I’m wondering what is going to happen when you grow old together, get wrinkled up is she going to ask you to have expensive laser treatments for that also? Secondly, a home is what you make it. If she talks to you about this new home as she will be putting a large investment into it and it will be equal then yeah okay I see that instead of moving into your home you will have a home you got together. But even then.. a home is what you make it. Your home with your love and marriage to her will make it her home too.

I don’t know everything about your relationship. But reading this I just want to say PLEASE be cautious about rushing into a marriage and give sufficient time to judge these qualities further.

Edit: sorry didn’t read complete post. My last straw is her complaining about your wedding day. This is very similar to me how women complain about their ring. It’s superficial and it’s based on looks instead of the real gift of marriage.

Just leave lol. Ignore everything I said before.

ghost155 1

Whatever you do, don't get hair transplants if you truly don't want to! There is nothing wrong with having a shaved head, and you shouldn't physically change yourself for her, or for a wedding day. Be who you are.

When I first got engaged I didn't react like this, but I DID kind of panic. Like immediately, and I regret not spending that first week or two just relaxing and enjoying the happiness of being engaged. I was like "If we want to get married next year we have NO TIME OH MY GOD HOW ARE WE GOING TO PLAN THIS HOW WE WILL GET THE MONEY." I realized what was happening, my fiance talked to me about it, and I snapped out of it.

Was there truly no inkling of this happening prior to being engaged? I HOPE they get better for your sake, I mean you went as far as making the decision and asking her to be your wife, there has to be more good than bad right? But if not, do what you think is best. Do NOT walk down an aisle just because you were too afraid to share your feelings or put a stop to the show. Best of luck OP

mizixwin 1

Imho you should at the very least call the wedding off. Dont marry just because you have proposed and it would be embarrassing to un-propose. The wedding is still enough far away so you don't have down payments on expensive stuffs that you will lose, and all of that so be smart and get ahead of the issue.

Calling it off will also show you her true colours: she accepts there is something major that bothers you and try working on it? Give her the chance to prove herself, she probably needs maturing a bit if she was spoiled a lot growing up. However, if she starts going on and on about how you ruined her dream and are embarrassing her, RUN. You dodged a bullet and dodged one for your future children won't have to post on r/raisedbynarcissists

HolubtsiKat 1

You've only been together with her for two years. You are just beginning to see who she really is.

Trust the way you are feeling now. She refuses to acknowledge your concerns, that is not going to change.

Kenda592 1

Cut your loses and consider it a bullet dodged.

[deleted] 1

[removed]

5p0oKy8o0giE

Oh, and

At the same time, is this a phase? Will it simmer down?

No. It is not. Do NOT stick your head in the sand on this.

y0urm0mbakescakes 1

A divorce costs more than a wedding. Think hard and clear if this is who you see yourself spending the rest of your life with. No one has died from a broken engagement..

sukinsyn 1

No it will not "simmer down." It will get worse! She isn't going to run to mommy and daddy anymore, she's running to OP!

Your girlfriend is spoiled, rude, and selfish. I cannot IMAGINE a life where I am tied to someone who thinks that nothing I do is good enough and always wants more. That is what life will be like with her.

EscapeVelocityXIII 1

Don’t marry this woman. From the outside looking in, she’s comes off as VERY materialistic. Plus, if you’re having doubts now, don’t wait until you’re locked in to a marriage before you decide this isn’t for you.

Good luck dude.

Scrototype 1

Jesus man. She really said that to your sister? That's incredibly rude. I think she has shown her true colors. The more she does these things the more it will bother you. Personally if it were me I'd either dump her or go with her to therapy. Her defense mechanism is to cry and have a tantrum. That needs to be addressed. My two cents.

nof8_97 1

She really pulled one over on you. It’s scary how long some people can pretend. She might be NPD, it that case don’t over explain yourself when you end it. She’ll only try to find a path to manipulate you.

audeus 1

Echoing earlier comments of this being a preview of what's to come, and it will only get worse. And once you're married, she is legally entitled to some portion of what is currently yours. It's not often I am this forward when it comes to the relationships of others, but get out before you get married, please.

thinking_in_circles_ 1

Dude. Leave her before you marry her and need to pay lawyer’s fees to break up with her when she gets even worse after the wedding.

Whapwhaaap 1

She wants a wedding more than a marriage. Also she seems very much in the mindset that you get to marry her, not that you're marrying eachother. She sees herself as the prize, and you should be grateful for her, however shitty her behaviour gets.

It's your life, and you've known her for two years whereas I just know her from a post on the internet, but this sort of thing doesn't get easier after the wedding.

CoffeeBID 1

This is gonna get worse once you add kids to the mix.

Resentful_in_Dayton 1

If you were/are in love enough to consider a life together it’s worth therapy to see if it’s time to call it quits. People deal with anxiety in weird ways, and weddings can produce a lot of anxiety/insecurity. The most important quality in a life partner is the ability to be self reflective, to listen to your partner, to have difficult conversations instead of hiding/bolting, and to be committed to growth and acceptance of the other person (that’s not the same as tolerating all behaviour).

Ssdgmok 1

The engagement period is a period of discernment. It sounds like you’re realizing that some of her core values don’t align with yours, and that’s okay. Much better to figure this out now than after the wedding.

Prisongirls 1

She is giving you a glimpse of what your future with her will be like. RUN.

OccupationalArborist 1

Showing her true colors for sure, count yourself lucky.

Just wanted to point out that the children not being at the wedding thing is not all that uncommon, a lot of people have child free weddings and receptions, but her telling that to the kid was not normal. Also, the house thing, it's one thing if she wants a say in picking your family home and used that as a justification for a move, but to move because she wants a bigger house is a red flag.

mideon2000 1

The good part is that you have not gotten married yet. You are engaged. If youbwant to work it out, you can postpone the wedding. You may loae a deposit, but it will save you a ton in the long run. However, i think deep down you know that her behavior is pretty shitty and has turned you off. That side she has shown is something you dont want to deal with on a daily basis imo

DSEK24 1

Not sure if anyone else has commented this, but some of these things could also point to her having cold feet. Wanting to make sure she’s making the right decision by perfecting each category. Not saying I endorse her behavior, but perhaps it IS just a phase or signs of her having second thoughts.

richtermarc 1

Breaking up now will be cheaper and less stressful than divorce down the road.

Run.

Run while you can.

just_be_a_human 1

Girl should have saved this behavior for after the papers were signed and the vows were said. Dum dum. Too soon!

Just kidding. Yeah, it definitely sounds like you're incompatible. You already know the answer.

crawtators 1

Run...run now and as fast as your feet will carry you

Silverneck_TT 1

GTFO while she isn't entitled to half your stuff. My dude you got to practice a little more self love too, you accept the love you think you deserve. I don't know you but I'm sure you don't deserve someone that says stuff like "I want to be with the most handsome version of you." You're already fit and your comfortable with your balding thats feat most men cant even get to grips with. You deserve better.

Ice_Drake_Shyvana 1

Dude, I'm going to give you a look at your future; your divorce is going to be epically expensive.

GeraldoOfCanada 1

This will go on forever man. You sure you're ok with this for the rest of your life?

shoogashooga 1

Oh my. You should be thankful you saw this behavior before the marriage. She sounds like a self centered,inconsiderate brat who puts her needs and wants over every one else’s. In addition to that she’s extremely insensitive to others and can care less about hurting other people’s feelings. I don’t think this women has the ability to be a good wife or future mother. Because a successful marriage requires both partners to give and not just take take take!!! You’ll be making a wise decision to end this relationship as fast as possible. People like that usually don’t change but actually get worse with time!!

whoiswho345 1

Remember you see the best of someone at the beginning of your relationship. If you are already at this point, don't expect it to get better.

LovelyLisek 1

I don't think that this is a 'phase', she's showing you her true colors. Sounds like she wants to live a life of luxury and wealth on your account. She also sounds really immature, calling out your sister on her wedding looking 'cheap', she doesn't realize that some people can't afford anything more fancy, or perhaps they didn't want a big, expensive wedding, as there are more important days in one's life than one day of celebration.

I wouldn't settle for someone like that, find someone more mature, in touch with the real world and more genuine.

PlayingGrabAss 1

This is probably still just the tip of the iceberg, and once the ink on the wedding certificate is dry you'll get to see what you've REALLY committed to.

What you've seen is already way too much. Don't fall victim to the sunk cost fallacy; get the fuck outta there.

Apisindica27 1

Yeah exactly I agree, she thinks you’re committed and is less worried about how she comes across, i.e. she’s being her true self now.

That totally crosses the line with what she said to your sister, soooo rude, who says stuff like that?

She sounds spoiled like you said, materialistic, and self centered.

It sounds like she wants you to change to fit her idea of a partner, instead of accepting you as you are. It sounds like she doesn’t value who you are, your thoughts or the choices you, and others, have made in life.

It’s good you’re thinking about these things like Is this who you want to spend the rest of your life with? What are you really looking for in a partner?

but of course my perspective is limited to this post

Uke_Shorty 1

I’m usually all pro communication and settings things right. But this is one of the few posts here that communication is not the problem. You told her already, you have been telling her.

I think she’s spoiled and you are seeing the good part of it. Please don’t get offended by what I’m about to say, but this is “just” about your wedding... Can you imagine when she’s pregnant?? You gonna be her slave!!

I’d follow my instincts...

By the way: bald and beard = awesome!!

wilyquixote 1

At the same time, is this a phase? Will it simmer down?

Why on Earth would you think this will happen?

If she was demanding and superficial with other people before, and she's like that with you now, who exactly do you think her true self is?

SnowyEndings 1

She has no respect for you. She has no respect for your family. She doesn’t know that there’s more to life than material things and money does not grow on trees. Sure,mommy and daddy can give her all the money in the world right now but they won’t always be around,and what’s left to her (if anything) won’t last forever,especially not with the way she spends it.

The wedding is about your love for one another- it’s not about how much money you can spend,or what designer dress you wear,or any of that nonsense.

While you’ve invested a lot of you time in her,she’s showing you the real her now. Unless you can see yourself marrying with a woman who lacks respect in the important aspects of your life,and can truly see a future with her,kids and all (which it seems like you can’t) then if I were you id leave. She’s more than likely not going to change,and if she does it won’t be any time soon.

missjobling 1

My uncle married a woman similar to what you’re describing. He has been with her 24 years and recently has called it quits. Long story short- he had thoughts similar to yours before he married her, he went through with it, she showed her true colours and she’s currently taking him to the cleaners as we speak.

All of my family say how nice she was to start with- once the ring was on the finger, she turned incredibly nasty. She’s had nothing nice to say about any of us even though we put her with her shit all of these years and never said anything- we pampered to her needs. Nastiest person I’ve ever come across. My uncle deserves so much better and so do we. Go with your gut and don’t be afraid to call it off if you need to. I can guarantee all of your family agree with your doubts and will support you 100% if you choose to leave. We certainly knew things wouldn’t last and now my uncle is living with my grandmother. Don’t let this happen to you, it’s absolute bullshit.

All of my family say how nice she was to start with- once the ring was on the finger, she turner incredibly nasty. She’s had nothing nice to say about any of us even though we put her with her shit all of these years and never said anything- we pampered to her needs. Nastiest person I’ve ever come across. My uncle deserves so much better and so do we. Go with your gut and don’t be afraid to call it off if you need to. I can guarantee all of your family agree with your doubts and will support you 100% if you choice to leave. We certainly knew things wouldn’t last and now my uncle is living with my grandmother. Don’t let this happen to you, it’s absolute bullshit.

CarolJung 1

"I loved something I made up; [...] I made a pretty suit of clothes and fell in love with it. And when he came riding along, so handsome, so different, I put that suit on him and made him wear it whether it fitted him or not. And I wouldn't see what he really was. I kept on loving the pretty clothes—and not him at all." - Scarlett O'Hara

j0of 1

This hits home, I'm in a similar situation. I feel my SO is holding back on certain behaviours until she's "locked it down"

bluesky747 1

This is coming from a fellow lady....run away. None of this behavior is good news. She will only reveal more ugliness to you as she becomes more comfortable, I guarantee it.

I'm really sorry this is happening to you, and you invested so much of yourself into a woman like this, but it's better to find out not before you invest more, emotionally and financially. The way she talks about your appearance, and the way she talked to both your sister and the child are all deal breakers for me. A grown woman shouldn't act that way and I promise you she won't change after you get married.

As a woman I can say from experience that we tend to be on our best behavior in the beginning of relationships and as we get more comfortable, more and more of us start to come through. I mean dudes do that, too I think. And not everyone has bad qualities come through, but in your case, this woman is bad news and I wouldn't want to spend my life with her. She sounds callous. Don't make babies with her.

And for what it's worth, bald men with beards are sexy. Fuck her.

vandyrik 1

Some of these things are definitely inappropriate, especially what she said to your sister. But the house thing seems like something where there's room for compromise. I can imagine a lot of partners getting married would want to go through the experience of picking out a home together, rather than sticking with one that one of them has already purchased. There's probably room to negotiate a timeline that works for both of you, and a price that makes sense for you as a household, etc.

Taking a look at the big picture, surely there are things you like about your fiance that led you to propose. And if you were ready to spend the rest of your life with her, I've got to imagine you're eager to find a solution. Have you talked to her about this? Some people just let big events like this go to their head and act foolish; it isn't necessarily an indictment of their character.

MrsDillPickle 0

Definitely break up, when my husband proposed I actually mellowed out and was nicer (not in a fake way) to his family because they were going to be my family. She is a complete biatch and you need to break it off. Also the house shouldn’t matter especially when you’re both just starting off (as in this is the first house you’ve bought).

Ps: make sure she starts taking the engagement ring off at night so before you break up with her you can snatch it so you can get your money back... make an excuse like “take it off so the diamonds don’t become loose while you move around and sleep, the blanket or pillows may tug at it” or something like that.

thecuriousblackbird 1

That’s a kinda shitty way to take it back

MrsDillPickle

Very shitty, but if she’s that entitled do you really think she’ll volunteer to give it back? I don’t think so...

Duckfartstonight

What are her redeeming qualities that attracted you to her

Okay_that_is_awesome

‘She is going crazy over small things despite the wedding being an entire year and a half away from now. I get that women get excited about things like this in ways men do not’

This is such bull shit. Crazy people get crazy about weddings. There are a LOT of women out there who are not spoiled children.

You choose who you want to marry. You want a hot spoiled child, that’s what you get. You want an adult, they are out there.

NemesisCrewleader

Run........ For the hills..... Quick! Why are you still here? Stop reading this and go now while she isn't looking....... If you are questioning her now imagine how you will feel if she is bringing your child up in a manner that concerns you too? Run my friend.... You sound way way way to nice for this treatment of your sister and all what you mentioned. The hills...... Go! Are you still here? 😏

kiwolf88

Jesus imagine if you told her to lose weight or (insert shallow judgement here) so you could marry the "most pretty" version of her.

Absolute dick thing to say.. no excuses. I totally get why you feel pissed!

jitterybrat

after reading the title I figured she just kinda let herself go a little bit as most women do after getting engaged/married. by that i mean she stopped trying so hard to impress you because she’s “reached her goal”. BUT noo this is way beyond that. all the shit you mentioned is just downright stupid and ridiculous but the hair thing would really cut me deep. how do you basically tell your fiancé that he’s ugly? bald guys can be really attractive and she needs to get her shit together. I doubt she’s perfect but even if she was, that gives her no right to disrespect you.

as for dumping her, definitely sit her down and talk things through first. I mean, after all, you’re engaged. it’s worth working on. she’s clearly in the wrong but that’s okay. you’re wrong sometimes too. people say and do stupid shit sometimes. you just need to let it be known that you won’t stick around if this sort of behavior continues.

tuna_fart

Ummm. This one sounds like a no brainer, dude.

peapie25

I get that women get excited about things like this in ways men do not

I see how you ended up with this fiancee haha!

fascistliberal419

Not a phase. It will only get worse.

getoffurhihorse

So, now you are seeing the real her. Yuck. At least it happened now and not after the wedding.

Guys who can pull off the bald look, yum. I still remember being little and thinking Telly Savalas was quite the sex pot.

lcfparty15

Yikes man. You’re not gonna change her. Bail.

MonstrousDark

Now that she thinks that she has you in the bag, she is showing her true self. It will only get worse over time if you get married to her. Every single day will be the worst day of your relationship. It will never get better, at all, on any level, no matter what.

You absolutely, 100 percent, no room for discussion cannot marry this woman.

elohelae

I was... a bit crazy before my wedding.

My husband is balding (we just shaved off all his hair the other day and I’m not over it yet) and I bought him stuff like rogaine and nioxin and asked him to use it daily. I secretly judged other people’s weddings, I also secretly spent money I didn’t have on things to make me beautiful.

We had an amazing wedding, but afterwards I felt so ashamed of myself.

Weddings can make people crazy, my husband and I were like... a hairs breadth away from breaking up towards the final months. I’m glad we didn’t and I’m glad he knew I was just being crazy. I’m prone to crazy.

What I’m saying is, her behaviour isn’t right at all, but I think talking to her about her behaviour and saying how it makes you feel is needed before you even consider breaking up. Don’t threaten her with breaking up, but lay your cards out straight... you don’t want to be with a person who thinks that this kind of behaviour is excusable. Say you understand she might just be getting hyped for marriage, but what happens after the wedding? Can she live with your bald head? Does she think you will back her up when she is being mean and judgemental? Tell her to take a long hard look and figure out what she thinks your future will be like, and if she is ready to be committed or if she just wants an instagram moment.

algo88

Once he brings it up, she’s going to go back into her perfect wife turtle shell until OP is locked down with the marriage. Then her true self will shine through again

honeychex84

All her behavior looks wrong and rude, except she buys 500+$ purse. Sure it might not be aligned with OP's financial style but there 's nothing wrong with it as far as she can afford?

ObsidianLion

The moment you said she was spoiled by her parents, that would have been enough for me to dump her. She has grown up with a standard of life that you have to be able to match to have peace of mind. The question is, is it worth it? She is giving you all kinds of red flags.

girl_rediscovered

Oh I'm sorry but she's a horrible person. You do not criticise someone else's wedding like that. And how she talked to you about your hair!! Ask her when it matters what you want? Like you wanting to stay friends with your sister, not wanting a hair transplant or not wanting a stupidly big house? If she doesn't consider what you want, then just leave. But she sounds more than selfish. Her behaviour is bitchy and demeaning too.

Midelo

Devils advocate and downvote me into oblivion, but is a $500 bag a lot for an adult? And really a bad enough quality to break up over? For a "high maintenance" girl, that's hardly anything, and you're not even paying for it. I'm sure you have your own vices you like to spend a little more on. The bigger house, sure I get it that's annoying, but maybe she wants to hear about your plans for "moving up" in the future. The little kid at a wedding.. nothing more annoying than kids ruining a nice ceremony so I gotta agree with her. The girl is young and wants her dream wedding and a dream life (with you). You should want that for yourself too but it sounds like you might be incompatible in your lifestyles. That doesn't mean this girl is a demon like every neckbeard on reddit wants to make her out to be. Make your decision and live with it, but I would think it's at least worth a discussion before you throw it all away per some people on the internet.

AnEarthPerson

You need to ask her to explain her behaviour and provide her with the examples of obnoxious behaviour from this post. If she has a negative response to you asking why she has been acting this way, maybe take that as your cue to exit.

She may have decided that she "has" you and is letting her true colours shine through. Maybe she is dealing with anxiety surrounding the upcoming marriage and it's manifesting by her being a giant bitch 24/7. It's hard to know until you ask her.

RichWolf369

You must put yourself in first place, if you cannot find a way to be the man in the relationship and constantly listen to a nag then it's only gonna get worse my man.. I think it's very logical if you just sit her down and give her an ultimatum. If she is not willing break it up. Good luck friend!

Moobx

she expects u to replace her parents.

Michael-Wittmann

If she hasn't already, this woman will cheat on you.

just_sain_yo

You‘re setting yourself up for a life of misery w an ungrateful, spoiled cunt. Don‘t do it, man. This is the tip of the iceberg

itsmebob12

It’s only going to get worse the more committed you get

Shakezula69iiinne

She is a spoiled brat and will never change. She doesn't really seem to give much of a shit about your feelings or needs and things will get drastically worse... Good luck with this one.

Pytheastic

With all due respect, why do you want to marry her? The way she's described her makes her seem like an awful and very selfish person.

nobrakesonthetrain

This will 1000% get way worse once she has that wedding ring on her finger. As cliche as it is for this sub, you should definitely gtfo.

p_a_t_m_a_s

that is called bridezilla

HijackedMyAccount

She was supposed to wait until AFTER the wedding to take off the mask. You got lucky, bud.

doorsisdoors

This is a red flag as big as the dress she wants.

hawttdamn

After you have proposed it seems she is soaring up in the Crazy/hot scale. These type of girls would be a huge turn off for me. Sure materialism in some degree is fine but if it's a race to compete in social status (best version of your husband (what?), Big house for 2 people, 500$ purses?) Man. It feels like she wants to compete with other people and cares more about status instead of your own relationship.

I wouldn't marry her and would find someone who is accepting you for the way you are and gets more out of life instead of finding it in material things. Sure she had great endearing qualities you fell in love with but now it's being overshadowed by things you haven't known about her. It's your choice if you think you can live with someone the rest of your life.

IotaNine

I say just ignore and weather her demands. If she truely wants the relationship, she won't end it.

But if she does, you dodged a bullet by exerting minimal effort

sadgirlposts

I just want to say... I hate that bald guys think a beard pulls it together. A beard is not a replacement for a head of hair. It’s different. Ok bye.

zfwlr2018

Dick post of the day goes to......

TeatimeBlues

Yeah it just emphasises the hair loss even more. But up to them if they like it I guess.

sadgirlposts

I wasn’t trying to be completely rude. But yes it does. Just... it’s not the same. And I find it funny how almost every bald guy I know, has a beard now.

FR0ZENJESTER

Sounds like a pretty shity person your about to marry. The holier than though type. She's very materialistic, rude and full of herself. She isn't wife material.

beingrightmatters

You have been giving her everything she wants and it isn't enough... Get out now!

xshawtyschroniclesx

I'm seeing a lot of comments that are great advice, and OP, go for it. As a blogger, I've read a lot of stories, and it seems to me from all you've said that she's just going to try to mold you into the man she wants you to be, which is socially acceptable for her.

Might be hard, but I'm glad you aren't married yet. Nip this in the bud. It's very important, but you'll lost likely find yourself getting even more so frustrated when you are married.
Peace to ya.

mboliver205

Tell her that if she's going to be married to you, she should get a job.

TheMocking-Bird

Being together for two years is an insanely short period of time to have together before getting engaged. I honestly think you jumped the gun there. Where the two of you friends before you started dating? Like what convinced you to propose so soon?

She sounds selfish and comes across as one of those stereotypical entitled rich kids. I personally don't think this is a phase, since you've gotten engaged she's started "leaning" on you more for her comforts instead of asking her parents as she would before. Since you've taken the relationship to the next level, she probably feels safe enough to show her true colors. Then again maybe this is just a "phase" and she's just going bridezilla since she's excited about the upcoming "distant" wedding day. Either scenario requires a conversation, the key to any successful relationship is communication. If she truly loves you for you, and not your money or career, etc, then she should be able to tone it down. If not then you know what to do.

Scion41790

Two years is standard for a 25+ relationship

Rigma_Roll

2 years isn't that insane when you're an actual adult, like OP. However, his fiance is clearly not there yet. Thanks to OP being an actual adult, he is realizing this is not the woman for him before he married her. If he waited longer to propose, all these traits may not have fully blossomed until he was "already too invested" in the relationship.

I think when people are in their 30's they're better at knowing what they want and put up with way less nonsense. When you're 18, for sure, date someone for like FIVE+ years before you propose, then wait like.. another 1.5 years before you tie the knot... but when you're an adult... it's fine.

lovelydelusion

You should be ecstatic about getting engaged

RightShoulderDevil

It seems like you are focusing on some pretty trivial stuff. Are you sure your issues with her are not deeper, and you are only frustrated with these small things because you feel you need an excuse for why you are upset with your relationship. It sounds like from what you said that this has been her personality since the beginning - it's hard from your post to see how things have suddenly changed.

Kholzie

I dunno, Op’s fiancee basically shitting on Op’s sister’s wedding is not that trivial. It’s really fucking rude and indicative of serious character flaws.

RightShoulderDevil

Oh totally misread that, thought she was shitting on her own wedding in a self depreciating way.

Dartaga

Run dude. Run fast. I’m a real woman. We don’t play thataway. Just run and be grateful you found out now.

lemongrenade

Oh boy please give us an update when the hammer drops.

serrated_edge321

On a positive note, there's plenty of decent women out there who are more mature. I know a bunch of great single women in their late 20s/early 30s.

Do the counseling etc as someone mentioned, but also remember that you don't need to stay, even if you're feeling a bit older etc. You want a partner in life, not someone who fights against you and wastes your time/ money/energy!

_Roscoes-wetsuit_

Idk if I agree with everyone here. I don’t love that she is criticizing your looks or how she treated your family, but the engagement craziness could be because of anticipated stress of planning or perception that people are judging her.

You wanted/want to marry this woman. It’s worth a serious conversation about her behavior of the last few months before breaking it off. That’s not a decision you can reverse either.

1568314

It seems like she feels that she doesn't need her parents to give her everything she wants anymore once she has a husband to fill that role.

I don't think these qualities you've talked about are ones you would want being taught to your children.

I think it would be pretty easy to figure out if this will settle down if you have a direct conversation with her about it. Is getting everything you want more important than how you treat the people around you in order to get it? Are you ok with hurting me and the people I care about so that you can have your way? Are you going to be willing to compromise on some things or expect me to give into your demands even if I don't agree with you?

If she throws a fit and refuses to give direct answers, it's as good as saying she doesn't want to face the fact that she wants to be selfish and entitled. She wants to have her $2000 cake and eat it without sharing too.

icemanthrowaway123

You are gonna be one sad sad alimony payer one day if you don't dump this girl.

CJ4700

You think she seems mean and unreasonable now? Imagine what a divorce would look like...

kevinthegreen

My dude, consider yourself the lucky and GTFO. You are getting a glimpse of who she is, and you are only going to get in deeper. Stuff like this does not "simmer down."

TheFuckOffer

Something no one is mentioning: she is going to make it very, very, VERY VERY VERY difficult for you to break up. Crying, bawling, begging. The whole lot. I GUARANTEE it. You have to have Navy SEAL planning to get out of this one. It is going to be HARD. I'm telling you.

Source: this is my ex.

delzerk

You deserve better than this man. She's demanding the "most handsome version" of you, but she's showing you a real ugly side of herself. Move on from her and you'll be happier in the long run.