The Cardinal Rules of Dating

How to WIN at the Dating Game

I don’t know about you, but I know from experience that the dating can be hard, it can be challenging, time-consuming and sometimes even downright rotten! Before I met my husband, I went out on a dating bender and had a blast, it taught me a lot about myself, it showed me a lot about men, and it exposed how difficult it can truly be when you put yourself out there raw and unprotected.

But on the flip side, if you take a few risks, are mentally prepared, have thick skin, have some fun and set realistic hopes about what you want and what you are looking for, it can be a wonderful experience, full of deep and intense emotions, growth and evolutions and even the potentiality to find your future Mr. Right!

This crazy fun dating binge was a wonderful part of my journey of self-discovery, it was a tremendously fun experience, I learned so much about myself, who I was and more importantly, it lead me to find that Mr. Right for me, my husband Dustin.

I learned these critical things in this little thing called dating.

First Impressions Count

From OkCupid to Tinder, to Match.com and to the other myriad of dating sites, I dated and dated and dated. The countless hours of searching profiles, making matches, winks, emails, text messages, phone calls, skype dates, and it goes on and on and IS a vital part of the process.

I don’t think it is ideal to spend too much time browsing and communicating, meeting that person sooner than later IS going to matter. You could have amazing chemistry via text but NO chemistry when you meet, don’t waste your time or theirs and move on.I would wait but a few days to meet, why not? You WILL know soon enough whether there is some type of chemistry there, or not. It is as simple and as easy as that. Uncertainty and indecision are going to prevent you from doing this wholeheartedly, dig deep, be decisive and if you need to have another date, just ask. I did and it worked out pretty well for me, even if I was afraid, I would just ask for a second date, unless he did first. Don’t wait, your time is precious.

Do NOT Lie on your Profile

You are going to get busted, just don’t do it, is it that difficult? This is a huge pet peeve for everyone. I cannot emphasize this enough. Do not lie about your height, your weight, your job, being married, how many kids you have and anything else that you may want to embellish. Your date will inevitably find out that you are being dishonest and deceptive and if your chief aim is to make a good impression, then this is a definite NO, No. Your first impression may be the last one you make!

Why is it that we are afraid to speak our truth? Do we think we will be judged or that we may be hurt or hurt others? Are we so afraid to be rejected, that we think lying is the better decision than just being honest? What a load of BS. If you are lying or being deceptive on your profile, you will want to reevaluate your stance, change your profile and BE an accurate reflection of who you really are.

Stay Off Your Phone

“One of the greatest gifts you have give someone is your attention.” Dr. Joe Dispenza. If you are going to give someone your FULL attention, then do just that, without any distractions. How can you meet someone and make any sort of special connection if you are on your phone half the time? How half-assed is that? Fragmented attention is a real issue and we accept texting and being on the phone as the “norm.” Well that’s sub-standard thinking and if you are going for sub-standard, that may be fine, but if you are going for excellence and giving this dating game a real shot, have enough mental fortitude to turn that bad boy off or on silent. It will be worth it! Give someone your full and undivided attention. That means stay off your phone during the whole date. No exceptions.

NO phones needs to be the rule especially on the first date. It is one of the must irritating things when someone is constantly checking their phone or updating their social media when you took the time out to get to know them and vice versa. Be respectful of someone else’s time, you CHOSE to be there, nobody forced you, so act maturely and be present.

If you really want to get to know someone, have some self-control and discipline, that text message, that phone call and your social media updates can wait. You must enact a level of self-control and maturity. If you committed to a coffee date, you can stay off your phone for the 45 minutes to an hour unless you are a phone junkie. Are you a phone drone? The ability to have self-discipline is an attractive quality without having phone withdrawals.

Be Honest and Upfront

What if we could just take a risk and be completely transparent and honest with not only ourselves but with everyone else? What would that be like? What would that truly feel like? Congruency in honesty is imperative, be honest and true to yourself and your date. If these things are truly applied to this little thing called the “dating game,” you will get so much more out of it and feel better that you don’t have to go back and CHECK what you said or didn’t say, because it was the truth.

Transparency works, so does being honest, sincere, having integrity and following through with your word. Are you who you proclaim to be? Or are you hiding behind a facade of fear and non-transparency? Be authentic, you never know what may happen, but more than likely, it will set you free and support you in achieving your truest desires and possibly your match.

Playing games is a mistake. Don’t do it. Be upfront, be honest and be yourself. Have integrity with what you say, you are going to leave a lasting impression, so make it a good one! When I knew that there was not a connection or if I had moved on from someone, I usually let them know via a text or if we got close enough, I would call them and let them know. You cannot control someone elses’ reaction, but you can be considerate and kind enough to let them know you moved on. I would always appreciate it when a guy texted me that he met someone else and wanted to explore that, no harm, no foul and I would move on. I actually had a few lovely interactions with the men I had dated and we both could move on amicably and without drama.

Don’t Let Rejection Fortify You

Don’t be fortified by rejection, not everyone is going to like you, and you aren’t going to like everyone you go on a date with, so do yourself a favor and move on and move on without restraint or regret.

Before I met my husband, I noticed the harsh truths of this. When I knew things were not going to work out, put a stop to it and don’t waste each others time. Not everyone is your type, and you aren’t theirs either, get over it, get on with it and move forward. Someone is going to adore you for being uniquely you. Set yourself free from any perceived notions that you have and if you are the one breaking it off if there is no chemistry, be tactful, be gentle yet direct and set yourself and them free to go meet someone else.

Practice not taking it personally. What you do is because of you and what other people do is because of them. You are free from the perceived chains that bind you to a reality that isn’t yours but are you willing to SEE it for what it is?

When you trust your own judgments, and have confidence in yourself, you certainly don’t need another person dictating your decisions and your happiness. So if you get rejected, stop, think, act rational, use your wise mind and your logic to get over it, move on and meet someone else.

It may be a difficult change but what have you got to lose? You have more to gain, your freedom, your peace of mind, a new perception, a new life! Go ahead, are you willing to change something that imprisons you for something that will free you?

This is just a good habit not only in the dating game but for life. You don’t need to place your trust in what others do or say, you only need to trust yourself to make responsible choices. Do you have what it takes to make those choices and walk away without being hurt? You cannot take responsibility for what another person does or says now can you? But what you can do is be sensible, don’t react in a way that is unfavorable to you, dating can really be about learning, about growth and about having fun! Don’t take yourself so seriously that you try too hard and force an outcome.

Observe, Don’t Judge and Enjoy the Moment

There is no one “right” way to play the dating game. But there is definitely times when you can observe, don’t judge but decide on whether or not you find what works or doesn’t work for you.

What works for me is being kind to oneself and others. Be considerate and polite to servers if you are on a date. Chivalry is lovely (but not necessity), whether the man pays or not on the first date was not a deal breaker for me, but maybe it is for you. Making eye contact is a must. Feeling connected and giving your attention to that person so that you make the most of the energetic exchange definitely works.

What doesn’t work is gossiping or complaining about work or other people and playing victim, don’t chew with your mouth open, don’t drink too much and get sloshed, slur your words and have to have your date call a taxi for you or take you home because you were too drunk, (not cool). Don’t talk about your ex,(highly unattractive), don’t pass gas, burp loudly or use a lot of profanity and be offensive and no flossing or picking your teeth (ew). Save this for trips to the bathroom.

Do be respectful, courteous and polite, be professional, be interested in your date, and ask a lot of questions to see if you really are a good match for each other. Ask about hobbies, pets, likes and dislikes, dreams, goals, what you do in your free time, maybe your have a second career, maybe you like to travel, ask away! Don’t delve into each others’ pasts just yet, save that for a few more dates and if things are getting more serious.

put Your BEST True Foot Forward

Dating should be fun and full of wonderful surprises. It doesn’t have to be a drag, a bore or a chore. You have the opportunity to meet a lot of people in a short amount of time, make it personal, but professional, play the dating game to win, be confident and put your best foot forward.

Have the courage to follow up, drop the shyness and when the opportunity arises to have a second date, jump on it. People who get what they want in life act and don’t wait. It can be hard, you have to overcome your own fear of rejection or mental limitations, but just do it, uncertainty in your actions won’t lead you to the result you want. Your dream man might just be a few decisions and actions away. Aren’t you willing to risk that for the potential reward? I went on at least 30 dates before I met my husband. There is beauty in the unknown and just jumping into the dating game head first. You never know, may just meet your perfect match. Wink.