aragond

@aragond: I'll never be sick of biker stories Just noticed a lot of the AoD are relatively active on here, thus a lot of biker stories..

Well, that's good to read, 'cuz I'm enjoying reading them.And, yes, it does seem the AoD are flavour of the .... er, month.

QUOTE (continued)

And thanks for the advice , I've never had a story suddenly f*ck itself up before (and I've been using the same method every time) but I'll write all my sh*t straight on the forum from now on (just in case).

OH, FFS, NOOOO!!!Please don't do that! Because *I*, A.R.Agond Esq., hereby do attest, based on bitter personal experience, that the day will come, you'll be typing the sh*t out and something will go wrong with your browser and you WILL lose what you've written. It's a lock. A guarantee. I'll attest to that happening waaaaay too many times to me (as though I've never learned).ALWAYS use a local, save-able program, like Word or notepad, and NEVER rely on an internet version thereof. (Unless you're using a java-enabled, self-saving thingie, like that awesome Gmail.)Personally, I only ever use a text-based editor, like Textpad which also gives spell-checking. But, getting Word to behave is equally good.

But, please, Mitch, don't ever use the forum as your editor. You're just asking for nine versions of pain all at once.

Master Mind

@aragond: I'll never be sick of biker stories Just noticed a lot of the AoD are relatively active on here, thus a lot of biker stories..

Well, that's good to read, 'cuz I'm enjoying reading them.And, yes, it does seem the AoD are flavour of the .... er, month.

QUOTE (continued)

And thanks for the advice , I've never had a story suddenly f*ck itself up before (and I've been using the same method every time) but I'll write all my sh*t straight on the forum from now on (just in case).

OH, FFS, NOOOO!!!Please don't do that! Because *I*, A.R.Agond Esq., hereby do attest, based on bitter personal experience, that the day will come, you'll be typing the sh*t out and something will go wrong with your browser and you WILL lose what you've written. It's a lock. A guarantee. I'll attest to that happening waaaaay too many times to me (as though I've never learned).ALWAYS use a local, save-able program, like Word or notepad, and NEVER rely on an internet version thereof. (Unless you're using a java-enabled, self-saving thingie, like that awesome Gmail.)Personally, I only ever use a text-based editor, like Textpad which also gives spell-checking. But, getting Word to behave is equally good.

But, please, Mitch, don't ever use the forum as your editor. You're just asking for nine versions of pain all at once.

Well me even if something happen like I was log-out and forced log-in another time I just select all I whrote and and choose option copy and return where I was whriting and "glue" it and tadam your text is now here

.2D

Mitch; Another awesome story .Also, nooes! Not Rocket! Just for that im gonna load up gta and blow the f*ck outa some triads with my launcher. Next story below .

Angels of DeathPart 5, Want fries with that order?

It had just started raining again, people out in the street were running for shelter with briefcases or newspapers held over their heads, and most of the streets on the island were relatively quiet untill 5 vans full of bikers armed to the teeth with Sub machine guns and combat pistols sped through the streets of bohan. Jim, who was in the van out in front, was on the phone to one of the Road captains of the beechwood chapter, while on his left, one club member, everyone called Moose, was driving, and pulled out an SMG from his belt as the vans approached the Burger Shot in beechwood. Before the vans even parked up, severel machine gun bursts tore through the vans as they slowed down, Jim, who was at the front, ducked down and waited for the firing to die down, covering his head from the broken glass falling all over him. When the attackers stopped firing on the vans and started concentrating on the guys already in the street, Jim looks up at Moose, who was covered in blood and sitting in the driver seat completely motionless. He cursed under his breath and jumped out of the van, sprinting around to the other side and sitting down next to Micheal, or Spider to his friends, who was swearing at himself whilst quickly loading his pistol and popping over the hood of the van and firing a few shots."Spider!" Jim shouted over the gunfire. "I gotta' make a run for the others, take Mooses' SMG and gimmie some cover!" Spider nodded without saying a word, opened the door and took the gun out of Mooses' lap. "Ready?" Jim asked, Preparing himself."Yeah, go!" Spider said, once again reaching up over the hood and firing several bursts towards the Bugershot where the attackers where taking cover. Jim got half way to the cars where a couple of groups of members from one of the other chapers were hiding, almost out of ammo, but still shooting at the diner like maniacs, he dived down next to the chapters enforcer who was desperately trying to get a bullet out of his buddy who was lying on the ground next to him, he was digging his fingers into the man like a cannibal, when Jim grabbed his shoulder and turned him around. "Hey! Who the f*ck are these guys?" he shouted, ducking his head down and bullets bounced off of the car."Some irish assholes, I dunno' what you guys did to piss these guys off, but they just walked into the diner and gunned down two of our boys, so we just started shooting at the f*ckers and ran out here for some cover!"Jim said nothing, he just punched the ground, and stood up swearing, turned around and started firing at the diner, he saw two heads drop when he stopped shooting, dropped the gun and grabbed his stomach as he felt an incredibly sharp pain in his gut. He fell on one knee, then over onto his side and blacked out.

Meanwhile, Sonny had just woken up after being knocked unconcious when the van he was in crashed into the van ahead when the driver was killed. He stumbled out of the back of the van as bullets flew all around him. He staggered around for a few seconds before Jason pulled him down behind the van."What the f*ck are you doing man!?" He shouted, reloading his combat pistol, standing up and shooting at the diner. Before Sonny could answer, he looked up as a bullet tore straight through Jasons throat before collapsing into a pool of blood. "f*cking Assholes!." Sonny said, picking up Jasons gun and running off to the side of the diner in an attempt to flank the Irish Mob. Sonny managed to get all the way around behind the burger shot, he slowly walked along the wall and stuck his head around the corner, he spotted about four guys crouched behind a wall with SMGs, Checked his ammo and jumped out from cover, instantly killing all four men with a few accurate shots.

Sonny had a look around for a back entrance to the Diner, but didn't see anything, he was thinking of rushing into the front door guns blazing, when Billy ran up behind him. Sonny jumped and spun around, his gun an inch away from Billys forehead. "Whoa whoa whoa man it's me! It's me!" Billy pleaded, holding his hands up apologetically."f*cking hell Billy, dont just sneak up behind me like that man, what you doing here?" Sonny sighed, lowering his weapon."Just these baddass motherf*ckers." Billy explained, pulling 2 pipi bombs from his belt. Sonny laughed, talking the explosives from him and smacking him on the shoulder."Nice one, wait here." He said, lighting a fuse, sneaking around the corner ducking down from gunfire coming from his own guys! He looked through the door and saw a small group of men with automatic rifles firing bucketloads of rounds into the street. Sonny looked at the bomb, smiling before throwing it as far into the diner as he could.When the explosion came, Sonny charged through the door and shot everyone still moving, put the gun back into his belt and began walking out, the gunfire now stopped coming into the diner.Before Sonny reached the door, a large man with a strong Irish accent and a shaved head, with scars all over his face, rushed out of the mens bathroom shouting waving a knife over his head. Sonny reached for his gun but was too slow, the man had pushed him back into a wall and stabbed him in the shoulder, Sonny started to groan, but it turned into a shout as he pulled the knife out of his shoulder and slashed the man across the face, but nothing happened, the man only turned back to Sonny with blood down his cheek, smiling."Little f*cker." Sonny said, barging into the man with all of his weight pushing him over the counter. He was about the cut the mans through, but dropped the knife, pulled out his combat pistol and blew the mans knees right out of his legs. The man screamed and rolled around on the floor in agony, as Sonny Strolled out of the diner, putting the pistol back into his belt. He just got outside the door and was stopped once again, this time by Billy."What was that man? What happened?" He asked, but Sonny didnt answer, just waved for him to get into a van. Everyone else had already loaded up into the vans after collecting the vests from the bikers that had died in the fight. Police cars suddenly flooded the area, officers getting out and taking cover behind their doors. But the Angels of Death took no notice and sped off back to the clubhouse.

iam1 asked to buy a knife for the Triads, indicating who he's posting for.

VinnieLeone returned with a new CPU, asking to be billetted in Playboy X's apartment for the North Holland Hustlers. Slingaa told him to just start writing. So, he did, writing chapter one.

Slingaa then posted a story and another (can't tell what numbers) for the Gambetti Mansion.

will. made suggestions for vehicles to be added from TLAD, which may be regarded as premature given BoGT came out, what, today?

FunnyUsername asked to join the Gambetti Family at Al Dente's. will. noted that he's read a lot of people saying you can just start writing. Half of them must be Aragond by now. Masterkraft echoed will.

Big_Mitch_Baker posted his fifth and sixth stories for the Johnny Malvado storyline in the AoD.

Big_Mitch_Baker bought some Pipe Bombs for the AoD.

Skramz said he was busy with exams right now, but still didn't tell us who he is.

Sorry, I had to go shortly after my last post, I brought my iPod Touch with me and I've only just got to a Wi-Fi Hotspot. Can you please do the ratings, when I do get to a computer, which will be a few hours, I'm gonna do a new story.

Build Up Your Gang

.2D- $41 Your first story is very good, the only complaint I have is your paragraphs. Please try and make your paragraphs a little shorter, that makes your stories easier to read.Micro SMG has been added.$701-$200= $501.Second story- $38 I'll give the same comments, but this time it was a bit too short.Third story- $44 Again, your paragraphs are very big here. Tone them down a bit and your stories will be amazing! You now have $844. Two lots of $200 added for your and Big Mitch Baker's 5th stories.

iam1- $24 Added to the Chinatown Arcade with the Triads. The story itself is quite good, bar one or two grammatical errors. But is is VERY short, next time please try and make it a little longer. Second story- $30 That was a lot better in length, sort those small errors out and you'll be in the money!You already have a knife.. The Triads now have $263.

VinnieLeone- $39 You have been added to the North Holland Hustlers at Playboy X's apartment. You have just the right length and the way your characters speak fits well in with your story. I just want to say you use the word 'said' a lot; try and think of some other words like 'boomed' or 'muttered'. You know have $660.

Big_Mitch_Baker- $47 Another great story! There's not much I can say to help you improve, but it was a little bit long.Second story-$49 Now I read your stories I can see why everybody loves you! I can't give any criticism here!Pipebombs have been added.

Slingaa

A week had passed since the eventful day when Trigger sold the drugs and was attacked by the FIB. That deal had impacted on his life greatly. Now everywhere he went he was being followed and probably bugged. Precautions had to be taken. The Gambetti Family now had to use code words and signs. Sammy had summoned Trigger to his mansion one bright April morning. The sun was shining out; spring was drawing to a close and summer was approaching Liberty City fast. Trigger parked his Sentinel lazily outside of the Gravelli Mansion and walked inside casually. Carl was perched on the sofa next to Sammy sipping on a glass of whisky.

“Alright, lads?” said Trigger cheerily, taking a seat. Sammy, who was smoking a Cuban cigar, greeted him and said: “We’re you followed?”“No, I checked loads of times,” Trigger responded.“Well, I better make sure.” Sammy got up and switched the television up. Trigger assumed that the noise from the TV would mask the sound of the trio talking.“I got a job for ya’,” Sammy whispered in Trigger’s ear, “go to the huge warehouse in Alderny, you know the one, we’ve been tipped that the Pavano Family have gained control of it and are using it to store all sorts of sh*t. Smash it to sh*t, then take control of it. Oh, and bring Carl with you. When you’ve seized it, call me and I’ll get some goons to secure it.” Trigger nodded, signaled for Carl to join him and hopped in his Sentinel.

They sped from the Gravelli Mansion and started to drive through Liberty City. “So we go in, kill the guards and call Sammy. He’ll bring some men to take the warehouse,” said Trigger, who was going over the plan with Carl. The warehouse was in sight, and he parked a couple of blocks away, so they could view it. The large warehouse was a typical grey colour with some motorcycles dotted around. Men in leather jackets and tight black trousers were patrolling the perimeter. A few of them were talking until a grey-haired man wearing a suit interrupted them: “Hey! I ain’t payin’ ya’ to talk!” he yelled, flapping his arms like a bird. The Pavano Family had obviously hired some muscle. Judging by the motorcycles, they were a biker gang. But which one?

After the pair had scoped the place out, they had devised a plan. They were to cut the wire fence at the back open and sneak inside. The pair departed from the Sentinel and walked casually to the back of the warehouse and they whipped their razor-sharp combat knives. Trigger started to cut a piece of the fence swiftly. It broke instantly; thankfully the task wouldn’t be as time-consuming as they thought it would be. After a few minutes, they made a hole big enough for them to squeeze through. Trigger and Carl were in; but that was the easy part. The idea of sneaking into a warehouse and kill some angry bikers seemed a lot more difficult and scary now they were inside.

“Sniper on the roof, watch your steps,” muttered Trigger. Snipers? Muscle? What the hell did the Pavanos have in that warehouse? Whatever it was, it was big. The duo crept silently, embracing the shadows whenever there were any. Now they had met their first obstacle. A biker with slick black hair stood, gun in hand, watching the area infront of him. But he didn’t notice what was happening behind him. Trigger pulled out his silenced pistol and drew it upon his neck and tilted the weapon upwards a little. “Goodbye,” whispered Trigger. He turned around in shock, but it was too late. His brains were strewn all over the floor. Trigger and Carl hoisted up the body and dropped it in a nearby dumpster. There was nothing they could do about the blood. Around the next corner was a biker with earphones plugged into his ears. He was humming happily. Trigger was going to have some fun with him.

Carl tapped him on the shoulder. He tuned round, and received a full on punch in the face. He was knocked out before he hit the ground and a small splatter of blood came from his face. They both dragged him on the gravel floor to the dumpster. Trigger cut up his previous victim with his blade, guts were now appearing. That should do it. Regaining consciousness, the biker tried to struggle, but he didn’t do a very good job. He was tied to a chair and gagged. “You wanna’ tell us who you work for?” asked Trigger, taking the duck tape off his mouth.“F*ck you!” he shouted, struggling once more. Trigger re-applied the duck tape. “That’s not nice. And neither is this.” Carl threw the body of the first biker onto the man’s lap. Guts spewed all over him. The guard screamed. After a while Trigger put the body back in the dumpster.“Tell us. NOW.”“You sick f*ckers! I’ll never tell!” Trigger grunted and placed his earphones in. “You like music?” he asked, turning up the volume to the maximum. He yelled, then exclaimed: “The Lost! I work for the lost!” Carl chuckled and placed the body back on his lap. Trigger placed a knife in his throat, before saying: “Thanks.”

They left the guard to die. Trigger encountered some resistance; a couple of bikers came running to see what the hubbub was about.“INTRUDERS!” screamed one.“So much for a stealth mission,” commented Carl, taking out his Micro SMG. Trigger pistol whipped one of the men in the temple, he fell down and hit the ground with a thump. Carl backed away from the other biker, and so did Trigger. He was clutching a shotgun. The biker fired at the two, but missed by miles, the shotgun was obviously too much for him. The recoil sent him flying to the ground. Carl sprayed a few bullets at him and sprinted inside of the warehouse. They dived into cover just in time. Dozens of pistols turned on the pair. Carl sent a barrage of blind fire randomly and hit two men. “We’re massively outnumbered, call Sammy!” exclaimed Trigger. Carl reached for his phone, but it was shot out of his hand.

A bullet bearing Trigger’s name was sent hurtling towards him. It smashed through the crate which was providing him cover, and ripped into Trigger. The speeding bullet punctured his flesh with ease and ripped through his right lung. Then, it stopped, stuck inside of his body. Blood spurted in all directions and Trigger yelped in pain. He fell to the ground, unconscious. “TRIGGER!” bellowed Carl at the top of his voice. He lit a pipe bomb in anger and threw it into the warehouse. Three more followed. Carl put the unconscious Trigger onto his shoulders and sprinted out of the warehouse. An explosion echoed through the area, then another, and another. The roof of the warehouse blew sky high and so did a couple of bikers. “Somebody call nine one f*cking one!” screamed Carl, doing what he could to help Trigger. But apparently someone did call the emergency services. An ambulance came speeding down the road and came to a stop infront of Trigger’s body. He was placed in the back of the ambulance and Carl clambered in.“Jack? Jack, can you hear me?” A million voices raced through Trigger’s head. He felt his eyes closing.“Don’t go towards the light Trigger!” But he did.

Build Up Your Gang

SlingaaChapter 4: I really liked this one, nice length, nice spelling, GREAT description and nice dialogue. I got slightly turned off on this though: "Blood splattered inside of the car, the victim’s head had exploded. A chunk of his brain got in the driver’s eye." Seemed Unrealistic. Anyway, $48.

Chapter 5: Not as good as chapter 4 but I liked the description of Bohan. You get $42.

aragond

OOPS. A post never posted. Do I send it? Do I bother? Does Colt need to know that a week later? Does Mitch need an explanation? Yeeeaaah, why not. 'T'sonly bytes'n'real estate.

QUOTE (Colt M14 @ Oct 22 2009, 06:54)

You. Need. To. Write. 5. Stories. Before. Changing. Gangs.

Colt M14 - $45Excellent, despite -- or perhaps because of -- its brevity. Though the "5." should really have been a "Five.", I could really feel the tension in the narrative, a real sub-surface boil being slowly brought to the surface. The teeth were gritted, the textual atmosphere was positively visceral. Awesome and very, very funny work. Let's see if it hits its mark this time.

@Big_Mitch_BakerYeah. I've done more damage with that one post than all fifty of my stories will with three-point font. Oh well.And, yeah, I like the radio bulletin, too. I thought it was an easy but effective device to announce "Here's what happened over the past week", of saying THAT a week had passed, and of briefly reminding y'all that Franny was M.I.A. and that this fact was a little important WITHOUT adding a whole bunch of narrative. I'm doing my best to remain in third-person non-omniscient and it is HARD. Narrating someone's thoughts is so common because it's just so very efficient. But it's not common in TV shows, and since I'm kinda thinking like this was a HBO mini-series... So, I used Weasel as a kind of narrator./long-windy-explanation

@BenjimimoCheers, mate. I really have no clue how it looks on anyone else's monitors. I just made it look "right" for my screen.

QUOTE (Build Up Your Gang @ Oct 30 2009, 07:00)

AragondCombat shotgun added to Pegorinos.

Cheers mate.

@TarnellChill, T, chill. It's all good. He was referring to the rule that you can't invent locations for a gang. Okay, yes, the Posse are currently full (two locations?!). I'm sure, once you're finished with the Spanish Lords (just two more stories) accommodations can be made.

Ancelotti Mansion, AlgonquinGracie Ancelotti's House, Alderney(She did get Gay Tony involved as an associate)Masionette 9, AlgonquinHercules, Algonquin(Not sure about this one, while the Ancelottis funded it, I don't think they would associate with a gay club)Little Italy Tavern, Algonquin(This is non-descript and made-up, like Marty's Bike Shop for The Lost)Little Italy Fruit Market, AlgonquinGarbage Disposal Plant, Algonquin(The one Niko and Packie raid)

Colt M14 - $45Excellent, despite -- or perhaps because of -- its brevity. Though the "5." should really have been a "Five.", I could really feel the tension in the narrative, a real sub-surface boil being slowly brought to the surface. The teeth were gritted, the textual atmosphere was positively visceral. Awesome and very, very funny work. Let's see if it hits its mark this time.

Heh, I've just told him about 4 times now. Also Tarnell, I need to say that I am going to rate the stories, otherwise someone else might rate the stories at the same time, leading to a very confusing outcome. I'll rate Mitch's stories now.

Build Up Your Gang

Chapter 5 - +$58This stuff is like a book, I was on the edge of my seat, completely unsuspecting about what would happen next, Your description it above any I have ever seen. One slight problem: Your paragraphs are like walls of text, I got lost in the writing a few dozen times. Other than that, this is the best storyline I have ever read on BUYG. I felt like I was standing in the street watching it all unravel in front of me. Well done Mitch.

Chapter 6 - +$54Great starting, nice description and a fantastic end. Again, the walls of text are a negative. I loved the whole interrogation scene, and how you researched and found the exact named of the chemicals, but... Ronny's death was a bit anti-climatic, the gasp then die was in my opinion sort of a bad death for such a great character. Again, welldone.

tubbs51

wow another rave review for mitch lol, hopefully ill shoot out a story or two tomorrow seeing as ill probably be the only Xbox player with a functioning 360 and no BOGT so ill have a sh*t ton of time on my hands lmao

tarnell

@TarnellChill, T, chill. It's all good. He was referring to the rule that you can't invent locations for a gang. Okay, yes, the Posse are currently full (two locations?!). I'm sure, once you're finished with the Spanish Lords (just two more stories) accommodations can be made.[/color]

no problem mate, im all chilled lol.

And yeah i know i cant, that was just a suggestion, in my opinion hillside posse should get at least 3/4 locations