Short Story

“A conundrum. One thing he couldn’t tolerate was being expected to follow someone’s orders. That barked command instilled in Jaden a desire to pry Cheap’s eyes from their sockets, then use the eyeballs to plug the pipes. A two birds with one stone solution. On the other hand, if Jaden was going to operate a…

Read The Nice and Casual Observations of Sissy Jenkins (part 1) The offending roses sat on my dining room table, not because I liked the roses, but because I enjoyed how the light reflected off the vase. I am also morbidly curious about death and I look forward to chronicling the steady decline of the roses. How…

A bouquet of red roses sat on my doorstep. But all my friends know I don’t like roses, and any admirer, secret or otherwise, would have gleaned my hatred for the thorny, petaled plant from just about anywhere, and wouldn’t have left such a display at my door. This left two possible scenarios: The roses were delivered to…

Legend has it that people who starved during their lifetimes were turned into carpets by The Gods of Bur Bur. Cleaning the carpets and instructing guests not to feed them condemns these souls to a new hell. They have already experienced so much starvation in their mortal lives, why cause suffering in their eternity? It is for…

On Wednesday, December 28, 2011, the world–or just I–lost a legend: loyal, beautiful, and just the right size, Mr. Coffee Junior passed from this life of brewing into the puffy, steamy clouds of Espressoheaven.

Why me? I’m so good to all things avian, why did you shite all over my car? Is there something I did to offend your kind? You know, a few weeks ago, as I was enjoying the final few bits of my spaghetti while sitting in the cockpit of my boat, a single seagull came…

Have you ever been so hungry that you’ve forgotten what species you belonged to? Have you ever been so hungry that you endangered yourself physically? Made a fool out of yourself? If you answered “no” to any of those questions, I think you’re lying. If you answered no, you probably also profess that you’ve never…