Typical South Indian Brahmin Wedding

My wedding was a typical Hindu Brahmin Wedding conducted in Trivandrum, Kerala – My hometown. It started on August 23rd morning at around 7:30 am and ended on 25th afternoon at around 12:00 pm. Over these two day, I went through all the rituals and ceremonies performed in a brahmin wedding. It was fun and pretty tiring too.

I guess it would be interesting for some to read about the the key events of a Brahmin Wedding. 🙂

Vratham
The marriage ceremonies begin with vratham performed separately by the bride and the groom. For the bride, it means the tying of the kappu, the holy thread on her wrists, which is meant to ward off all evil sprits. It symbolizes a kind of protective armor for the bride.

For the groom vratham begins with invocations involving the Gods Indra, Soma, Chandra and Agni. From thereon the groom prepares himself for a new chapter in his life as a householder or grihasta. The days of his bachelorhood or brahmacharya are over now. The acceptance of his is all what the vratham is about.

Janavasam & Nischaiyartham
Inviting the groom to the ‘mandap’ and sorting out any differences between both families. This is a very important aspect of the marriage where any differences between the families are sorted out. This ceremony takes place in a temple. The bride’s family brings turmeric, betel leaves, nuts and clothes for the groom. The bride’s brother then garlands the groom, and sugar candy is distributed to all present. The groom is then escorted to a decorated car and the family leaves in a procession for the ‘mandapam’.

Once the procession reaches the marriage venue, the bride is led outside by her close friends to get a glimpse of her future husband! ‘Aarthi’ is performed and a coconut broken to ward off evil. The groom is then led to the ‘medai’ (an elevated place in the ‘mandapam’ where all the ceremonies are performed). Members of both families sit opposite each other and a ‘lagna patrika’ (marriage contract) is written and read aloud by the ‘pujari’. ‘Thamboolams’ (platters of betel nuts, dry fruits, nuts, coconuts, turmeric and ‘kumkum’) and gifts are exchanged. The cone shaped ‘parupputhengai’ (a special sweetmeat) is an important part of all these ceremonies.

Kasi Yatra
This is a very important part of the ceremony. Immediately after his student life, the young bachelor has two alternatives before him – Grihasta or Sanyas. Being by nature in a satwic state due to strict adherence of bachelorhood and observance of austerities, he is drawn towards asceticism. Therefore he makes his way to Kasi, complete with slippers, umbrella, a fan made of bamboo etc. On his way the bride’s father intervenes and advises him of the superiority of married life to an ascetic life. He also promises to give his daughter as companion to face the challenges of life.

Dressed in the traditional ‘panchakatcham’, holding an umbrella, a fan, a walking stick, and a towel containing ‘dal’ (lentils) and rice tied to his shoulder, the groom embarks on a mock pilgrimage. As he steps out of the ‘mandapam’, the bride’s father pleads with him not to go to ‘Kashi’ (a sacred pilgrimage site in the city of Benaras) and marry his daughter instead.

After much ado the groom accepts and returns to the ‘mandappam’ to get married! The umbrella is to remain with the groom, to remind him in the future of this advice. As promised his wife stands by him in his life.

Malai Mathal
The bride and groom are lifted to the shoulders of their respective maternal uncles. This is an expression of continuing sibling support to their mothers. And in that position the two garland each other thrice for a complete union. In the shastras, the exchange of garlands symbolizes their unification, as one soul in two bodies. It is inward acceptance by each of the very fragrance in the other.

Oonchal
The marrying couple is seated on a swing. They rock forth and back, as women sing songs to praise the couple. The bride and groom are given a sweet concoction of milk, sugar and bananas to eat. Water and lighted lamps are circulated around the swing in order to guard against demons and ghosts. Colored globules of cooked rice are waved in a circular motion and thrown away to propitiate the evil spirits.

The chains of the swing signify the eternal karmic link with the Almighty. The to and fro motion represents the undulating sea-waves of life. Yet in mind and body they shall move in harmony – steady and stable.

Pallikai Seeds Sowing
This is a fertility rite. Pallikais are earthern pots prepared a day earlier. Pots spread at the base with hariali grass and Bael leaves (vilvam). Nine kinds of presoaked cereals are ceremoniously sown in these pots by sumangalis. After the marriage, the sprouted seedlings are released in a river or pool. This ritual invokes the blessing of the eight direction quartered guardian angels (Ashtadikh Paalaks) for a healthy life and progeny to the couple.

Kanya Danam
Giving away the bride. The bride is made to sit on her father’s lap and is given away as a gift by him to the bridegroom. In the bride’s head, a ring made of Darbha of Kusa grass is placed. And over it is placed a yoke. The gold Mangal Sutra or Thali is placed on the aperture of the yoke. And water is poured though the aperture.

The mantras chanted at this time say:

Let this gold multiply your wealth, Let this water purify your married life, And may your prosperity increase. Offer yourself to your husband.

The symbolism of the yoke is drawn out of ancient rural life where the only mode of transport for households was the bullock cart. It is supposed to signify that just as a bullock cart cannot run with just one bull, the marriage needs both the bride and groom. Both of them have to face their responsibilities together.

The bride is then given an auspicious ablution. A new sari, exclusive for the occasion, called the koorai is chosen. The colour of the koorai is ‘arraku’ i.e. red, the colour associated with Shakti. This sari is draped around the bride by the sister of the bridegroom, signifying her welcome to the bride. A belt made of reed grass is then tied around the bride’s waist. The mantras then chant:

She standeth here, pure before the holy fire. As one blessed with boons of a good mind, a healthy body, life-long companionship of her husband (Sumangali Bhagyam) and children with long lives. She standeth as one who is avowed to stand by her husband virtuously. Be she tied with this reed grass rope to the sacrament of marriage.

Thanksgiving vedic hymns follow, to the celestial caretakers of her childhood, the dieties of Soma, Gandharva and Agni. Having attained nubility, the girl is now free to be given over to the care of the human — her man.

The vedic concept underlying this ritual is figuratively that in her infancy Soma givers her the coolness of the moon. In the next stage of life the Gandharvas gave her playfulness and beauty. And when she becomes a maiden Agni gave her passions. The father of the bride while offering his daughter chants:

I offer ye my daughter: A maiden virtuous, good natured, very wise, decked with ornaments to the best of my abilities. With all that she shall guard thy Dharma, Wealth and Love

The bridegroom returns his assurance to the bride’s father saying three times that he shall remain for ever her companion in joy and sorrow, in this life and life after.

Kankana Dhaarana
The bride ties a string fastened to a piece of turmeric around the wrist of the bridegroom to bind themselves by a religious vow. It is only after tying the kankanam that the bridegroom gets the right to touch the bride. A little later, the bridegroom ties a kankanam to the bride’s wrist.

Mangalya Dharanam
The tying of the Mangal Sutra or Thali takes place at exactly the pre-determined auspicious hour. The bride is seated over a sheaf of grain-layden hay looking eastward while the bridegroom faces westward. The bridegroom puts the gold Mangal Sutra around the neck of the bride. As he does so the Nadaswaram is played loud and fast so as to muffle any inauspicious sounds at the critical hour. This is called Getti Melam. Sumangali ladies sing auspicious songs. At the same time as the mangal sutra a turmeric thread is also put around the bride’s neck. To this three knots are tied. The first one by the bridegroom. The other two knots are tied by the groom’s sister to make the bride a part of their family. The vedic hymn recited by the bridegroom when he ties the knot is:

I pray to the Almighty that I be blessed with a long life. I tie this knot around your neck. Oh Soubhagyawati, may providence bestow on you a fulfilling life of a Sumangali for a hundred years to come!

Paani Graharam
This means holding hands. The groom holds the hand of the bride. The mantras say:

The Devas have offered you to me in order that I may live the life of a Grihasta. We shall not part from each other even when we grow old.

Saptha Padhi
Holding the bride’s hand the bridegroom walks seven steps around the holy fire with her. This is the most important part of the marriage ceremonly. And only when they walk these seven steps together (i.e. perform the saptha padhi) is the marriage complete. With each step they take a vow. The belief is that when one walks seven steps with another, one becomes the other’s friend. The mantras said at this time mean:

Ye who have walked with me, become my companion, whereby I acquire your friendship. We shall remain together – Inseparable. Let us make a vow together. We shall love, share the same food, share our strengths, thesame tastes. We shall be of one mind. We shall observe the vows together. I shall be the Sama and you the Rig. I shall be the upper world and you the earth. I shall be the sukhilam and you the holder. Together we shall live, beget children and other riches. Come thou, o sweet worded girl.

Pala Dhanam
Gifts are exchanged between the families of the bride and groom. Any gift not accompanied by a token gesture of a coin of small denomination that represents the stored value of human effort is considered incomplete; thus respecting the value of human effort through which wealth is acquired. Also no gift shall be taken without a return gesture, which merits the gift received. Pala Dhanam as ordained by the scriptures is thus an action signifying mutual arrangements between the families, to be based on the principle of equality and respect for each other irrespective of one’s economic stature in life. The return gesture by the family of the groom could never equal to the gift of the bride given to the groom. Hence, the same coin given to the groom’s family is returned to the bride’s family an acknowledgment of the priceless gift received.

Pradhana Homam
A crucial part of the wedding is the homage paid by the couple to Agni, the God of Fire. They couple goes around the fire, and feed it with ghee and twigs of nine types of holy trees as sacrificial fuel. The fumes that arise possess medicinal, curative and cleansing effects on the bodies of the couple. Agni, the mightiest power in the cosmos, the sacred purifier, the all-round benefactor is deemed as a witness to the sacred marriage. Hence the term ‘Agni Saakshi’ or witness by fire.

Treading on the Grindstone
Holding the bride’s left toe the bridegroom helps her to tread on a grindstone kept on the right side of a fire. The mantras chanted say:

Mount on this stone, and let thy mind be rock firm, unperturbed by the trials and tribulations of life.

This ritual is symbolic of the solid rock foundation for the union.

Arundhati and Dhruva Star
Next the groom shows the bride the star Arundhati (from the Saptha Rishi or Great Bear constellation) as also Dhruva or the pole star. Arundhati is the wife of the Vashishta Maharishi and exemplified as the ideal wife – the embodiment of chastity. Dhruva is the one who attained immortality through single-minded devotion and perseverance. This is symbolic of the fact that such virtues are to be emulated throughout marital life.

Laaja Homam
This comprises the bride’s own offering into the sacrificial fire. As an expression of sibling support to her marriage her brother helps her. He gives her a handful of puffed rice grains which she hands to the bridegroom, who on her behalf, feeds it to the fire. Through this food offering, the bride seeks a long life for her husband and for propagation of her family. Participation of the bride’s brother indicates the continuance of links between the two families even after marriage. The couple circles the fire three times. The feeding of puffed rice to the fire is also repeated thrice.

Graha Pravesham
Taking with her fire from the Laaja Homam, the bride takes leave of her home and enters the new home of her in-laws. The vedic hymns recited at this time sound like the mother’s advice to her daughter:

Be the queen of your husband’s home. May your husband glorify your virtues! Conduct yourself in such a way that you win your mother-in-law’s love. And be in the good books of your sister-in-law.

Nalangu
The evening of the marriage day is the time to relax and play. The newly wed wife calls her husband for play, inviting him through a song. Much to the merriment of all gathered, there follows a series of playful games. The bride anointing the groom’s feet with colour paste, fanning him, showing him a mirror, breaking papads over each other’s head. Wrenching the betel pack from each other’s hands. Rolling the coconut from one to another as in playing ball and so on. During these events women sing songs, making fun of the bride, the groom and the in-laws.

These events bring out the qualities of the bride and the groom’s sporting spirit, kindness, co-operative nature thus surfacing the hidden traits for the other to note, thus bringing about better understanding and compatibility.

Shanthi Muhurtham
The consummation of the marriage at night fixed for an auspicious time for a happy, ever-lasting married life that is full of understanding and care. Two souls united in a sacred act of fulfillment, to bring forth progeny as nature’s best creation.

very nice… very well written… appreciative work… by the way, could you please be kind enough to send me the mp3 file of MANGALYAM THANTHUNANENA to dpz_11@hotmail.com. I’d be very thankful to you if you do so. Thanks in advance, and congrats once again on the good work. Keep it up.

anybody canhelp me to find out the ready made 9 yards sari Madisar pudavai)which the bride will wear while kanya danam and mangalya tharanam.
at present i am staying in chennai, india and would like to buy one soon .
thanks

Learn to look at these rituals as part of a culture thats fats fading away. Which religion or faith or race doesn’t have culture? Every race or civilization that can be traced back in the history of mankind has had cultures, rituals, faith and fear of god, superstition and atheists. Most civilizations have survived. If you closely check the history, all those races which have been very very creative and imaginative in their cultures have thrived longer than the others.

Hate crimes of faith. Not the faith. There’s nothing wrong in being proud of one’s culture.

About the money spending part. Believe me. Even spending money on these rituals are actually part of keeping the economic cycle going. You forget that a lot of people get paid in this course of a typical wedding just because people believe in these rituals. If everybody starts having their weddings registered at the subregistrars office and go on with their life without a ceremony, what will all those vendors do who have their businesses stemmed on these rituals?

Would you feed their families?

My friend, before abusing somebody with ‘FUCK YOU Bastards’, atleast spend some time analysiing what you are trying to convey. Blasphemy will not get you anywhere!

information shared by u was really helpfull to knw about the culture and systems that diff community follws……its jus heart thrivin…….n hav a quiry…….

m a hindu girl but would like to get converted to south india kerala brahmin community.is it possible for me to do the same..i also would like to know about the upbring of a brahmin girl n her growth in life.is it same as boys ? please advice me on my quiries……………

It is indeed a great post. I am married for 2 years now and i admired the Day so much that I keep reading about the rituals and the various explanations whenever i find time.

about the people who do not appreciate the essence of our traditions, PLEASE for GOD s SAKE do not give explanations and waste ur valuable time. They just do not deserve to know all this when they rush into such ridiculous comments..

There are people who enjoy their custom irrespective of their cast. Each cast conduct their marriage as per their custom. And some people call the custom as ……….becuse they have not enjoy or can not enljoy the custom in their life presumbly only enjoyment in their is bottles and barrels and they have not seen beyond that. Some people are unable to understnd the custome and some people are ignorant. The people who can not understand their own custom can never understand and the people who are ignorant of their custom can never understand. Though horse and donkey are the same varierity they are differently put in used. There fore you need not waste your good time. You have done a good job and it is a must for the younger generation to know the custome of other caste too. Well done keep it up. SUBRAMANIAM

Enjoyed reading about the wedding. I am about to be married in a year’s time to my fiance who is South Indian. His parents are from Kerala. I am not from India so if there is a website or any other minor details about brahim weddings you can relate to me would really be helpful. My parents know nothing of these but would really like to take part. Please advise!

It’s a community specific matrimonial website targeted to serve effectively for the community of Iyengars and Iyers. The website offers personal touch and delivers unique service to ease the search for bride or groom .We take pride in introducing profile search with “exclude gothram” which helps bride / groom exclude the girls or boys from paternal family in their search for soul mate. One of the founding principles to match for Iyengar/Iyer communities. We also have a star based search that can help search for profiles belonging to particular Moon stars.

Wedding in our country provides a platform for social get-together. With every wedding, The bride and groom get their new life, the family circle becomes bigger and a cycle of business happen (Catering, Decoration, beauty services ,etc ) which creates a source of income to many in the society. It helps livelihood and income to many people around

This is really a very good info. Pls. ignore people who are really not interested in these customs and rituals which are actually performed for well being of bride and groom thru out their life.. People who have half knowledge will say waste of money….

@All – Can anybody tell me where do we get the meaning of mangalyam thantunaanena… and any other wedding related sanskrit slokas meaning..? I would like to print the copy of these info along with the ones which udayms have posted, in a booklet and distribute the copy of it to all my marriage invitees…

My intension is let everybody be aware of meaning of our rituals and customs..

hi savs, i like to tell you the meaning of ‘maangalyam thanthunanena’:
you know what is meant by ‘mangalyam’. ‘thanthunaanena’ means, formed out of sacred thread, and ‘by which; ‘ ‘mama jeevana haethunaa’ means for the sake of my life (always associated and always in unison)’khante’ means ‘on your neck’ ‘badnaami’ means ‘I tie’, ‘subhahe’ means- calling the girl fondly, O, auspicious lady, ‘ jeevema sarada satham’ let us live for hundred autumns (sarad Ruthu).In short : “O dearest holy girl,I tie this auspicious ‘maangalyam’, made with this sacred thread, on your neck, so that we can live to see one hundred autumns.”
I am a retired chief engineer from Tamilnadu Electricity Board, always interested in topics like this.I very much appreciate your interest to know our culture.Good; keep it up.

Hi,
At the outset, thank you for taking pains to explain the essence of marriage and the rituals that are followed.
I am a South Indian Telugu Brahmin. Fortunately, I am lucky enough to go through the entire rituals without missing any one part of it.
I see that the entire rituals is almost similar.

Ofcourse wedding is the binding of two heart,preparation for a life to be spent together. An Indian wedding not just binds the bride and the groom, but two families, in a union which lasts forever! All over India, irrespective of region, caste or language, a wedding is a reason to rejoice, and it is an occasion filled with splendor, rituals and traditions, and of course, a huge number of people.

Nice explanation. One of my friend who is from England enquired about our culture and was thinking what to do. So i am going to attach this. When i was talking with her i told about horoscope if the boy and girls horoscope matches we proceed for marriage. Hearing this she was surprised and really interested in the culture. So many foreigners are interest in our culture though some are speaking unnecessary words.