Hello. I'm new here and this is my first time posting. My wife and I (lesbians) are interested in a BDSM relationship she is much older (39) where as I am much younger (22) She wants me to be her pet and I am very much interested in this as I am somewhat of a submissive by nature. We've been working on making it official but there is a few things holding us back. I am entirely untrained and I can be really rebelious at times. Another thing is that I consider body modifications to be my life I am extremely passionate about them and believe that only through modifications can I truly be "perfect" When I say modifications I'm talking about magnetic implants, ear augmentation and other things. However if she was my master she would not allow any of that.

I am hoping this isn't a black and white situation where I simply can't be her pet because of how she feels about my desired body modifications. I really do want to resolve this and become not only her perfect wife but her perfect pet. Oh and currently our relationship is long distance where we see each other occasionally. She should be coming to live with me in two months.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how she can train me and what I can do? I don't want to give up my body modifications if that is what being her pet means though i do know I need to be trained to be less rebelious or learn myself.

I should also add that she is entirely knew to being a master and could probably use guidance.

Any help would be appreciated... it's kind of a confusing situation for me.

Welcome to SMplace! Have you read the Newcomer's FAQ? There's a lot of stuff in there that might help you and your domme.

Let's start by talking about degrees of submission. There are subs, girls, pets, and slaves (roughly speaking), and the general difference is the degree of control that the sub gives up to the domme; broadly speaking, the further you surrender, the further along that list you are (with the caveat that you and she get to decide just what terminology you choose to employ--I'm following general usage, which you're free to ignore). When I hear you say you're a pet, I picture an arrangement in which you have yielded up a very substantial degree of control--you agree to obey her, let her train you to be what she wants, and make fairly major choices for you, such as what modifications you can or can't have. Pets are usually treated more playfully and affectionately than a classical slave, but may wind up being fucked roughly, disciplined, punished, and so on. Does that roughly describe your relationship at the moment? I'm going to assume the answer is yes.

So the central concern you have right now, if I understand it, is that you want to give up a lot of control to her, but you're worried that once she has that control, she will forbid you to get the body mods that you really want. Those mods are extremely important to you, and so you feel like your desire to submit to her and your desire for these mods are really conflicting. If I've got that right, there are essentially two options here (short of breaking up over this).

1) Modify the terms of submission you are making to her. Subs get to set limits on how far they submit. Subs regularly set preconditions like "I'll be your slave except in matters that affect my job or financial situation" or "my slavery must not conflict with my ability to see my family". Contrary to what the porn implies, subs do not have to give up control over anything they don't want to give up control over. You're not her slave, so you get to have some autonomy. So you can reasonably stipulate that your submission is conditional on you being allowed to get the mods you want.

2) If you really want her to have total control over you, you have to accept that sometimes being a slave means giving up what you want or having to do things you don't want to do. Look at it as an exercise in embracing the ideals of slavery and find a way to make it a source of spiritual growth. Consider for example the Catholic priest who wants a wife, but accepts that his calling requires him to be celibate. He learns to look at this sacrifice as a challenge that God has given him to help him grow. The caveat here is that a major sacrifice like that puts a lot of strain on a master/slave relationship and you and your domme have only just started the process of power exchange. I'm not sure you two are ready for a challenge like that yet.

Now let's talk about the mods themselves and why you want them and she doesn't. Are these mods you want because they mean something to you, or do you want them because you think they will make you more desirable to her? Women are generally taught that they are supposed to change themselves physically to meet a standard that will make them attractive to their partners. I have a friend whose wife keeps getting plastic surgery (he says she's had at least 15) ostensibly because she wants to please him, but he keeps saying that he doesn't want her changing her looks. So she evidently is worried that he won't be attracted to her without her surgeries, but her worry isn't based in anything he actually wants. Instead, it's about something she was taught growing up about what her body is supposed to look like. So if you're doing this because you think it will please her or make her love you more, clearly that's not the case.

But let's assume that you understand yourself enough that you want these modifications for real reasons. Why does she not want them? Does she think they will make you less attractive to her? If that's the case, you and she may have a serious problem, because one of you is going to be unhappy regardless of whether you get the mods or not.

Does she think you haven't thought about the possible risks and consequences of your mods? Most mods carry with them real medical risks like infections, permanent nerve damage, rejection, and the like, and some modifications are more or less permanent. Visible mods will also significantly affect your prospects of employment--doctors who specialize in tattoo removal make a LOT of money off of people who got tattoos young and then eventually realized their tattoos were making them unemployable. Does she think you haven't really realized that these mods may be more or less permanent and that you may not be able to change them in future years if you 'outgrow' them? Is she worried about your mods embarrassing her in public or with her family and friends? Does she consider your desire for mods a sign of mental illness or something else unhealthy (the way Michael Jackson's surgeries seem to have been)?

Depending on just what it is she objects to, you will need to have a serious talk about what she's unhappy about; perhaps you can persuade her that her objection is a smaller issue than she thinks it is. But you and she need to talk about it. In any problem with BDSM, the first solution you should look at is communication.

"We hurt the ones we love the most. It's a subtle form of compliment."

Thanks for responding. Yes I definitely fall into the category of pet above all else. As for the body mods I want them for me and because they are important to me. Such as putting a magnet in my finger so I can feel electro-megnetic impulses or having my ears cut to a point. It's not so much for her but because I think that body modifications are absolutely beautiful She doesn't mind my tattoos or me getting more she is just more concerned with anything that cuts up my body I think she worries about infection and because she hates seeing me in serious pain.
Though she has agreed to not stand in my way with body modifications as long as they can be undone if needed and don't pose a grave medical risk (with the exception of tattoos)

We both read over what you wrote and it helped us both a great deal thank you so much. I have decided to submit to her and be her pet and I'm really happy with the situation. Hopefully she can train me and I can learn to not be so naturally rebelious at least not towards her.