I will tell her she’s beautiful.

I recently have been seeing posts about how we are no longer to comment or tell our daughters they’re pretty or beautiful, that we should only comment on their minds. Supposedly, by telling them this it will make them believe that their worth is in their physical appearance only. We definitely don’t want our children (sons OR daughters) to believe their worth is solely in their physical appearance that’s for certain.
I also read, this was quite sometime ago (I wish I could remember where cause it’s one of the best things I’ve read to date, if you happen to be reading this and know where I read this, possibly Power of a Praying Parent, please let me know in the comments), that every day we send our kids out into the world and they are covered with “post-it” notes of affirmation that we have posted on them. With every negative comment toward them a post-it note is removed and soon they can be left with nothing covering them. They will be bombarded with negativity, criticism, and picked away at by words that are tossed carelessly. Remembering the rough times so clearly from my childhood I tend to agree with this line of thinking.
As a result of both of these I have decided, I will tell my daughter she is beautiful. I will tell her she’s beautiful as often as I can. I will tell her this because she is. Outside and inside she is the prettiest girl I’ve ever met or seen. She may be only one but she has more personality and determination than many adults I’ve ever met (I’m POSITIVE that I will be LOVING this determination as she gets older HAAAA!!!!). She even, seemingly, sets goals and works to achieve them. She inspires me in this.
That may be the weirdest thing you’ve ever heard and you’re probably sitting there going ‘SERIOUSLY? She’s OOONNNNE!’ Lol! But, seriously! Like with walking. She suddenly decided she wants to walk, she takes time and does squats and works (on her own, not towards anything in particular) to take steps every single day now. Ever since that one day she discovered that walking is a possibility. I know I sound like a total nut job and an overly proud mom but, she’s my third child and after watching how my boys learned to walk, she’s different, the boys seemed to do this without any thought. It was a wind and release and off they went banging into things and knocking their heads around as they went. With my girl, it’s more purposeful. She concentrates and has a focus that my boys didn’t have. Of course as I’m writing this she comes over to me and is trying to eat the paper off of a water bottle, I took it off the bottle and she weaseled it back and tried unsuccessfully to put it back on the bottle only to eat it again. She is one after all.
Anyways! I will tell her she’s beautiful and pretty because I don’t believe it’s anything more than a mindset. It is a confidence you carry and a way that you love on people. It’s a joy that shines through you that can’t be snuffed out. That is what beauty is. Whether everyone states that or not, in the end that is what it is.
I experienced this in my short life already. Until my early to mid twenties I was skinny and a pretty girl. I modeled and was often told I was pretty and hit on often by boys and men that were generally not the kind of male that ANY mom or dad would want for their daughter. I felt ugly though. I thought I was fat (even when my hip bones stuck out at least an inch!) and went to drastic measures to lose weight, thankfully I did a few research reports on bulimia and anorexia so I knew what TO do and what NOT to do. I had horrible self esteem. After I began my relationship with Christ I stopped terrorizing myself and began to just bask in His love and the joy He filled me with. Suddenly, I was 18 and happy with everything. My life, my body, it was all wonderful!
I married young at only 19(!!!) and became even more settled and content and happy. Between the destruction that I’d caused my body and food allergies/intolerances, I began to gain weight. I gained a hundred pounds, (my chiropractor later told me I didn’t need to be as low of a weight as I had been because my bones weren’t made for that weight, now that was nice to hear! Less to lose!) but I was happier and filled with more confidence than ever and guess what?! Suddenly I was being hit on by very good looking men, I swear I’m not bragging I’m being for real here, I worked at a gym and regularly saw guys who could be models and suddenly they were flirting with me. With ME!!! Some were still the kind that no parent would want near their kid but many were great guys. I was amazed! I looked back and reminisced over photos of when I was skinny and couldn’t figure it out until one night hanging out with friends. My husband and I hung out with a group of married friends and we were always very blunt and honest with each other. While playing games one night a male friend came out and said (I don’t even remember how we got on the topic) that of course guys were attracted to me “you’re pretty, and always so happy”. Well, I sure couldn’t take the credit for my joy. It was a God given gift that filled me every moment I spent in his presence.
After that I began to take notice of how my every day choice of spending time with God and worshipping Him made a difference in my physical and emotional appearance. Talk about incentive! Plus! Think about this: have you ever seen someone and gone “Whoa! They’re HOT!” and then you talk with them and suddenly they’re not so good looking after all? Then, the more you get to know them the more ugly they become and suddenly you’re shocked you ever found them even remotely attractive? They go from GQ David Beckham to one of those hairless dogs (something crusty terrier) with serious teeth problems. Or, not been attracted to someone physically even a little and you become friends with them and suddenly they’re the best looking person you know? That! It’s that!! That’s exactly what I’m talking about.
So, my conclusion is this: kids get picked on, torn down, bullied, and badly criticized, every single day. It’s up to us, the ones who love them and see all their best and their worst, to build them up and create a covering of post-its that can leave them bare. We need to tell them they’re beautiful or handsome, as well as telling them of their sweetness and intelligence. It is not one single attribute that makes someone beautiful, it’s certainly not only physical appearance.

4 thoughts on “I will tell her she’s beautiful.”

I tell my kids they are beautify because they are! Why withhold a truth from them that will help them be comfortable with themselves and love themselves, all of those articles are parroting good intentions, the same “good” intentions that so many people face in ABUSIVE homes, trying to control the image their children have of themselves and denying praise where it is due. Each and every human is born with a biological drive to look in the mirror, smile and love the image they see as beautiful. It is one of the things developmental health professionals test for, and something we as the world take away from them. Good for you!