Cooked It | How To Make The Perfect Goon Punch At Home

By Ben Tyers - 07 Feb 2018

Sometimes it can be hard to transform three litres of Coolabah Crisp Dry White into something that doesn’t taste like it could remove stubborn mould from bathroom grout. Unfortunately, if you’ve spent all your money on Falls tickets and parking fines like the rest of us, then you don’t really have a choice when it comes to wetting your whistle. You can, however, choose to make it taste less like bathroom cleaner.

Here’s how to make the best, most delicious Goon punch at home.

Ingredients

1 white Goon bag

2 bottles of mixed berry Passion Pop

1 bottle of vodka

2 tins of pineapple juice

1 bottle of mango juice

1 bottle of lemonade

1 mango, sliced and diced

1 punnet of raspberries

1 tin of passionfruit pulp

Method

First, replace the pillows on your bed. If you’re drinking boxed wine then you probably have no idea that the shelf life of a run-of-the-mill polyester pillow is six months. So you’ve probably been sleeping on a bag of dead skin cells for three years.

Pop to the shops to grab the all-important Gunch ingredients. Make sure there’s a bottle-o nearby as 80% of the ingredients will get you arrested at a Wiggles concert.

Head home and slice the mango.

Take the lids off all the cans and bottles.

Break the seal on the Goon box.

POUR EVERYTHING INTO A LARGE LAUNDRY BUCKET TO THE TUNE OF GIVE ME EVERYTHING TONIGHT BY PITBULL.

Take a picture of it with a Kodak and Instagram it with the caption #tookmylifefromnegativetopositive.

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By Ben Tyers

Ben hails from country Victoria and is currently trying to find his way in the big city by eating anything and everything that contains a copious amount of bacon. When he’s not being the Melbourne Editor you’ll find him suffering in the Great Southern Stand supporting his beloved Melbourne Demons, or at the park with his Groodle named Gus.