Best & Worst 2014: TheWrap’s 86 Alternate Movie Awards for Sex, Violence, Music and More

‘Tis the season for awards, and while voters are busy weighing the merits of top Oscar contenders, the industry’s intangibles have fallen by the wayside. The year in film is comprised of so many movie moments and overlooked details that go unrecognized by Hollywood, so here’s a list of superlatives and unconventional awards that serve as an alternative to the prim-and-proper Oscars. There’s even more ground to cover than last year, so let’s get started …

Best Low-Budget Movie That REALLY Didn’t Cost a Lot: “Blue Ruin” – To Michael Bay, “Pain and Gain” is a low-budget movie, but even with a sliding scale that’s an affront to the term. Young filmmakers should watch this revenge thriller and take notes. This is how you jump-start a career.

Toughest Scene to Watch: Julianne Moore Forgets Where Her Bathroom Is, “Still Alice” – The whole movie is tough to watch because it’s unbelievably sad to watch someone’s memory fade away, but there’s no sadder scene than watching a grown woman pee her pants. Great performance in a movie I don’t think I’d be able to handle again.

Most Quotable Line: Gold: “If you want to win the lottery, you have to make the money to buy a ticket.” – “Nightcrawler” Silver: “When it feels scary to jump, that is exactly when you jump.” – “A Most Violent Year” Bronze (tie): “I’m the motherfuckin’ man in Houston, dawg.” – “Top Five” and “Most of my friends will call me ‘Eagle’ or ‘Golden Eagle.'” – “Foxcatcher”

Best Soundtrack: “The Guest” – Sorry “Jersey Boys,” I love the Four Seasons too, but this was 2014’s “Drive” soundtrack.

Best Song: Hank Levy’s “Whiplash” from “Whiplash” - We hear this song countless times in the movie, and if it was a bad song, the movie wouldn’t have worked as well. Did any song get more screentime in a movie this year? Sorry Katy Perry, but I doubt it.

Best Friends: James Franco and Seth Rogen, “The Interview” – For the second year in a row, Rogen takes home this award. I was genuinely moved when he and Franco looked each other in the eyes and said “I love you.”

The Couple Who Are Made For Each Other, For Better or Worse: Ben Affleck and Rosamund Pike, “Gone Girl” – Whether this was a match made in heaven or hell, these two were pretty perfect for each other.

Best Third Wheel: Charlie Cox, “The Theory of Everything” Runner Up: Jonah Hill, “22 Jump Street” – Cox was the very definition of a third wheel as Jonathan Hellyer Jones, the man who pines for Jane Hawking and can only watch as she stays by her husband’s side for years. Meanwhile, Channing Tatum’s bromance with Wyatt Russell in “22 Jump Street” relegated Hill to third-wheel status and he did a great job playing the other brother.

Best Cult Leader: Gene Jones as Father in “The Sacrament” – Don’t drink the Kool-Aid!

Best Dictator: Randall Park as Kim Jong-un in “The Interview” – Margaritas, nuclear weapons and a butthole. What more could one man need?

Best Domestic Terrorist: Jesse Eisenberg, “Night Moves” – I can’t wait to see his take on Lex Luthor.

Best Journalist: Gold: Roger Ebert of the Chicago Sun-Times, “Life Itself” Silver: Glenn Greenwald of The Guardian, “Citizenfour” Bronze: Jeremy Renner as Gary Webb of the San Jose Mercury News in “Kill the Messenger”

Worst Journalist: Rosario Dawson as Chelsea Brown of the New York Times in “Top Five” – I forget the first rule of journalism but it probably involves not shtupping your story subjects.

Creepiest Journalist: Jake Gyllenhaal as Louis Bloom of Video Production News in “Nightcrawler” – Remember, he’ll never ask you to do anything he wouldn’t do himself… and he’ll do anything for a good story.

Best Kiss: Ben Affleck and Rosamund Pike’s Sugar Smooch, “Gone Girl” – Think of the upside-down kiss in “Spider-Man” or the beach kiss in “From Here to Eternity.”Caught in a blizzard of powdered sugar, this kiss was the most memorable of the year.

Worst Sex Scene: Cedric the Entertainer’s Wet ‘N Wild Threesome, “Top Five” – I never want to see this scene again, and yet I couldn’t take my eyes away the first time. Absolutely hilarious, especially the sticky aftermath.

Most Fucked Up Shit We Saw All Year:Gold: Justin Long as Mr. Tusk in Kevin Smith’s “Tusk” Silver: Two guys eating a dog for $50,000 in “Cheap Thrills” Bronze: A baseball bat hanging out of a guy’s face in “The Raid 2”