In my early twenties, I helped plant a church. At that point in my life, I’d never heard of biblical equality. All I knew was that men could lead men, women, and children, and women could lead women and children, but never men. I don’t recall anyone explicitly explaining those distinctions; it was just how things were. People stuck to their roles, and it didn’t occur to me to question that until I nearly fell off my folding chair one Sunday trying to repress inappropriate laughter.

That morning, the senior pastor made an announcement: “I’m pleased that someone is stepping up to the plate to lead us in worship.”

The announcement came after weeks of singing without a worship leader with the accompaniment of a woman seated at a keyboard in the corner of the room. Since she was positioned with her back to the congregation (so as not to direct men), the congregation had a hard time sticking together. Although the woman played her best, stanza lines overlapped and chorus endings echoed out of sync.

Prior to starting the church, the community had discussed who would contribute what, and it became apparent that not a single man had musical abilities; not one had ever led worship. Given the accepted view in our church that only men should lead “mixed worship,” I saw no reason to communicate that I regularly sang in weddings or that I had led worship in my high school youth group. It was decided that worship services would consist of singing to the indirect playing of the keyboardist (who faced a wall), or to recorded worship music when she was out of town (another source of my problem with inappropriate laughter).

The pastor continued: “Dave [name changed] is willing to lead us in worship, though he says he’s better at engineering than singing. Scripture invites us to ‘make a joyful noise to the Lord,’ and so let’s appreciate Dave’s efforts.”

Last week, after#ThingsOnlyChristianWomenHearwent viral, a new hashtag labeled it “a megaphone for bitterness.” #Winsome encourages those who are upset about how they have been treated by churches to express their discontent more positively. The Merriam-Webster definition of winsome suggests that those who are upset should act: 1) generally pleasing and engaging often because of a childlike charm and innocence; a winsome smile 2) cheerful, lighthearted. The hashtag urges women to work out their painful stories privately. Thankfully women and men continue speaking. And their collective voice is rising.

A couple of years ago, when I published an essay on being a woman in seminary, I felt nervous. I assumed nobody would care. I expected push back for talking about my bad experiences as a woman in the church. And I was wrong.

Many people cared. Women and men shared their stories. As the truth of our experiences bubbled from the depths, into the light, I felt less alone. And I began realizing the importance of our collective voice, rallying for change.

Most of us don’t fit into tidy pink versus blue boxes. We are weary of hearing instructions about who we are supposed to be, and what we can and can’t do, as men and women. The status quo hasn’t delivered flourishing communities in Christ.

It’s hard to find permission to tell our stories. It’s harder even to find the courage to speak. So many of us feel pressured to minimize our bad experiences because we’ve been taught not to make churches look bad.

The responses to #ThingsOnlyChristianWomenHear show the desperate need for Christian communities to end sexism rooted in bad theology and faulty human traditions. With Mother’s Day around the corner, here are some considerations for pastors preparing messages that honor women.

“At the heart of every woman,” a pastor once commented on Mother’s Day, “is a God-ordained desire for beauty, marriage, homemaking, and motherhood. If you doubt it, check out the covers of women’s magazines at the grocery store.”

I chafed at his generalizations. I couldn’t deny that magazines marketed to women tend to cover beauty, decorating, recipes, and finding the perfect ___ [project, costume, snack, etc.] for kids, among other stereotypical topics that most women I know either relate to or roll their eyes at.

But I wondered if that pastor would have a different perspective if he could become a beetle on a wall at a women’s retreat. Would it surprise him to learn that most of us don’t sit around curling our eyelashes, voting on paint and fabric swatches, or even talking about our husbands and kids? Sure, we care about how we look. We want to make the most of our surroundings and support our husbands and kids. But there’s so much more. We want to thrive in Christ. We want our gifts and energy and time to count in the fullest ways possible. Most of us who love Jesus want to make the greatest difference possible for all eternity.

At the same time, we hear someChristian leaders stereotype and limit us to the domestic realms, fencing us from our fullest potential in Christ. And not enough of us realize that stereotypes andlimitations have more to do with human traditions than God’s actual intentions. Many present-day church leaders buy into teachings of church fathers who had limited opinions of women. It’s not that the writing and ministry of these leaders was all wrong or bad. But much of their teaching on why God created women fell short of God’s basic plans for marriage and community. And, sadly, some of their inaccurate teachings have carried on through today, minimizing Christ’s work through women.

“Where are you headed,” asked the man seated beside me on a plane to Philadelphia. I paused, debating whether or not to say that I was on the way to a conference on biblical equality. “Just a conference. What about you?”

I felt relieved when the conversation turned to his business trip and he didn’t ask anything further about the conference. Not knowing where he stood religiously, whether or not he had a relationship with Jesus, I hesitated to admit that gender equality is even an issue in Christian communities. If he didn’t know God and I admitted the necessity of a conference devoted to biblical equality in the Christian community, I worried that he might think less of God. Considering the many struggles souls encounter in knowing God, I decided to steer clear of biblical equality.

I did admit that I went to seminary in the Boston area. That piqued his interest immediately. He asked questions about my major. I told him I was pursuing a Master of Divinity with an emphasis in theology and women’s studies. He then asked a few more questions about my classes. The discussion eventually turned to the recent conversion of his brother and sister-in-law to Christianity.

“It happened suddenly,” he explained. “They were having marriage problems, and a friend of theirs told them that faith in God and going to church had turned their own marriage around.”

I listened, curiously, wondering where the conversation was going. Silently, I asked the Spirit to help me know how to respond. I felt as if I were … Continue Reading

At some point, on creation day six, God made an incomplete human. It’s odd, really, the way it came together. God created the man in the same breath as explaining the purpose of his relationship with his [soon-to-be] counterpart:

“Let us make humankind[1]in our image, according to our likeness; and let them[2] have dominion … ” (Gen. 1:26, NRSV)

Until then, God’s words had achieved spectacular design—infinite space, heavenly bodies, the earth, vegetation, land, sea, and animal life. Prior to gathering some dust, and breathing the first human to life, God envisioned a fuller composition. One would culminate in two according to a meticulous blueprint and process:

“When God created human beings he made them to be like himself. He created them male and female, and he blessed them and called them ‘human.’” (Gen. 5:1b-2, NLT)

God called the man and woman human—or adam—meaning Mr. and Mrs. Humankind. Knowing this, it’s not so bizarre that God shaped the woman from a bone in the man’s body. Reading on, it makes sense that God brought her to life after a profound object lesson.