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Month: October 2016

Today’s post takes us to the world of anti-SJ blogs, which are an endless circlejerk, a never-ending procession of screams and tired Otherkin jokes issued from a chorus of boring edgelords.

I don’t even really have to introduce this person, as you know their type if you’ve ever navigated the less employable segments of internet discourse. Their Twitter profile, of course, opens up by identifying as some kind of absurd Otherkin type, before segueing into a “if you disagree with me, you’re a bigot” message, because as we know, modern feminism is known for its pro-Otherkin agenda.

Have you ever seen a comedian absolutely bomb? Have you ever watched, cringing, as they tried to salvage a terrible act before a hostile crowd? Well, the only thing sadder than a failed comic is a failed troll. Our protagonist today made a post where he made all the Disney Princesses Caucasian and threw them in front of an American flag, and received a grand 21 notes, none of them even angry. His Patreon has raised $10 thanks to the efforts of eight people.

Of course, it’s not hard to see why. Edgelord trolls, by and large, are aiming their work at an audience of fellow edgelord trolls, with the big names regurgitating the same tired memes like a pelican feeding her chicks, but somehow less dignified. The audience of easily outraged feminists reading their every posts simply does not exist. These circles do not intersect, but they’re so eager to believe that they offended someone that they’ll leap on anything as evidence. Anti-SJ blogs fall for parodies more readily than any group this side of Facebook grandmas reading The Onion, but at least that looks like news, and isn’t some outrageously shitty, unsubtle “I’m a black trans disabled agender asexual dildokin xD uWu” Tumblr parody. Anything to escape the fact that they’re sharing their offensive jokes within an echo chamber of people who aren’t going to be offended.

The one exception to their target’s lack of interest is when a blog introduces us to a concept so breathtakingly, bafflingly inane that the broader internet takes notice. And today I want to introduce you to a phrase that’s simple, but endlessly hilarious: “Problem glasses”.

I considered, at first, that this was a parody. But the line between genuine and satirical in the anti-SJ world blew up thanks to four little words: “little white cuck ball”, and GamerGate’s inexplicable war on oddly colored hair showed us that the anti-SJ world does ascribe political significance to the most random shit. So on we go! Patri-Archie-Comic’s stern warning about problem glasses, in its full glory:

I’m not sure what I can even add to this. “Problem glasses” is an inherently hilarious phrase. “Problem glasses” was not created, it just is. “Problem glasses”, apparently also known as “grandma glasses” or “pedo glasses” (more on that in a bit!), appear to just be…glasses, since the examples offered don’t even look the same.

Words used by “problem glasses” wearers include basic feminist terminology, because there’s nothing anti-SJ types dislike more than incredibly basic terms they don’t understand, as well as concepts like “trans-ethnic” that only exist as anti-SJ fever dreams, and even New Age-y things like headmates and Otherkin. I don’t seem to remember when Anita Sarkeesian declared herself a dragonkin plural with a radical pro-headmate agenda, but I might’ve just missed that video.

Mocking them as “pedo glasses” is interesting, because elsewhere, they’re pretty much fine with pedophiles:

“As fun as it was to rip into this person and call her a pedo, I actually agree with her opinions, which I tore apart, because…LOGIC AND REASON?”

Let us now just dwell in the magnificence of “problem glasses”, and rue the fact that we can never create something as hilarious, even though we’re trying to be funny.

And here’s a baffling video from the University of Cape Town, in which someone advances that all science must be abolished and replaced with African science, because “western” science does not acknowledge African science, namely conjuring lightning via witchcraft. When someone disrespectfully shouts that it’s “not true”, they try to enforce the rules of the space – namely, respect for all ideas, including lightning witchcraft being equal to science, and Isaac Newton being a colonial force who invented gravity from whole cloth after seeing an apple fall and imposed his made-up idea on the world. It’s really, really something:

Today, as long-rumored, the Nobel Prize committee bestowed their Literature award on songwriter Bob Dylan, who wrote songs for such singers as Jimi Hendrix. So it is only fitting, on a great day for music, that I share with you the worst song of the year – the alt-right version of “We Didn’t Start the Fire”.

“We Didn’t Start the Fire” is already a terrible song, but appending lyrics about Islamophobia, Donald Trump and the hotness of Marine Le Pen takes it to a horrific new level. This video is not on Youtube, or it wasn’t last time I checked. It was CENSORED by the BETA CUCKS running Youtube, or alternatively, it was automatically blocked in the US by a copyright bot. Either way, Liveleak – the internet’s top source for deleted Youtube videos and Eastern European shock videos – has preserved it for the ages. Come for the tortured, cringe-worthy lyrics, stay for the man playing saxaphone in front of the obligatory Alt-Righter Background Skull:

"Look, you may be new here, but /r/conspiracy is where many top minds collaborate, and routinely outsmart the most well funded, well equipped and diabolical organizations on earth. How do we do it? Top thinkers, experts on every field, unparalleled investigative skills and fearlessness. I would trust a top comment here over pretty much any news source, especially a mainstream source, any day."