Bartender finds sweet love with pastry chef

UNION SQUARED A barman goes in search of the sweet life and finds true love with a pastry chef

Sarah Adler

Published 4:00 am, Sunday, April 8, 2012

Photo: Tom Kubik, Tomkubikphoto.com

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scenes from the wedding of Neyah White and Brandywine Hartman

scenes from the wedding of Neyah White and Brandywine Hartman

Photo: Tom Kubik, Tomkubikphoto.com

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Food Trucks including TomKat, Voodoo Van and Let's Be Frank served guests during the reception at the Phoenix Hotel.

Food Trucks including TomKat, Voodoo Van and Let's Be Frank served guests during the reception at the Phoenix Hotel.

Photo: Tom Kubik, Tomkubikphoto.com

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scenes from the wedding of Neyah White and Brandywine Hartman

scenes from the wedding of Neyah White and Brandywine Hartman

Photo: Tom Kubik, Tomkubikphoto.com

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scenes from the wedding of Neyah White and Brandywine Hartman

scenes from the wedding of Neyah White and Brandywine Hartman

Photo: Tom Kubik, Tomkubikphoto.com

Bartender finds sweet love with pastry chef

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The best bartenders, like Neyah White, can lift your mood and elevate your palate. And it was White's uncanny ability to engage and disarm customers and take them on spirited adventures that caught the attention of restaurateurs who hired him to develop bar programs from the Eastern Seaboard to the Bay Area. But the life of a bartender, while often exhilarating, can also be lonely. Publicly, Neyah was a darling on the scene, whose pedigree includes stints at the Clift Hotel, Bacar, Mecca, Supper Club and opening up Nopalito and Nopa; privately, he was yearning for more.

"I worked really hard to be here in San Francisco, building a thriving career, but I wasn't building a life," says Neyah, now 38, who started tending bar to put himself through the University of Maryland College Park, where he earned a degree in English.

That was his mind-set in February 2008 when on a van returning from Petaluma's Lagunitas brewery, he found himself seated next to Brandywine Hartman, a friend of another bartender who knew her from their days in San Luis Obispo.

"I perked right up when she introduced herself, because not only did I grow up close to the Brandywine Valley and river, but her name in German, 'brandwein,' means distilled spirits," said Neyah, who grew up on a farm in rural Chestertown, Md., the oldest of seven, and whose name also garners interest (his parents made it up).

"I knew I was named after a river, but it went deeper for Neyah," said Brandywine, who was raised in Simi Valley. Their chemistry was immediate, and a first kiss in the keg room at the after party sealed the deal.

Two weeks later they had their first date. One month in, Neyah professed his love; two months in, he knew he wanted to marry her.

"This was the first time I had glimpse of what life could be like - focused on a partnership rather than looking for the next party," Neyah said. "I had dated people in the industry, but there was no future there, it wasn't based in reality, and there was a falsehood. With Brandy, it is real."

By September, they moved in together, and for Brandywine, the move was a defining moment both personally and professionally. At 29, she had lived on her own after graduating with a degree in philosophy from San Francisco State.

"Neyah was the first guy who wanted to be in a relationship. With other guys, there was always a lack of commitment with a 'maybe we'll hang out' attitude," Brandywine said. "He started using the 'we' and 'us' pronouns, and it was clear that we were working toward a future together."

She found her job as a business office counselor at Kaiser helping low-income patients meaningful, but was longing to do something more creative. With Neyah's support, she left her job to pursue a life in pastry, because for as long as she could remember, she had loved to bake. Coincidentally, Neyah's mother, who passed away from breast cancer when he was 18, was a pastry chef. He took it as another sign and introduced Brandywine to his friends in the food world, so she could begin learning pastry from the ground up.

They adjusted well to each others' schedules - late nights in the lifestyle of bartenders and early mornings in the baking world. They became engaged on Christmas morning in 2010. That year was a seminal one: Brandywine landed at Knead Patisserie, and Neyah left Nopa to become the West Coast brand ambassador for Suntory Japanese whisky. Now the pastry cook at Bar Agricole, she'll often use Neyah's mother's rolling pin at home and bake for Neyah. "He has such a strong connection to her and now I do too," she said. Her first project with the rolling pin was to make Ninja-shaped gingerbread cookies.

On April 16, they married at City Hall and then walked hand in hand to the Phoenix Hotel, where family, friends and food trucks greeted them. She wore a vintage 1950s tea-length dress from La Rosa Vintage on Haight Street and he a Banana Republic suit altered by Al's Attire.

In a nod to their culinary and cocktail connections to the city, industry friends helped out with drinks, small bites and a desert table that included Bi-Rite ice cream and caramel and kumquat sauce made by Brandywine. At the rehearsal dinner, a childhood friend of Neyah's pulled Brandywine aside and told her she was a good thing for him - that he had "softened" because of her.

"Life was becoming this mixology and bar thing, and Brandywine gives me purpose and provides focus. She reminded me there is a whole other world out there," Neyah said.