^It was in an arcade. In Murder Lodge, you essentially sit in a room and become part of a story (like some of the attractions at Joypolis); in this case, it's a story of murder most foul! (I think. It was all in Japanese, and it does end with the cops showing up.)

Maybe it was just the unending joy of being on this trip, or maybe it was the easy availability of busty, scantily-clad collectible figurines at this park, but something had me in the right mood when I rode Rusutsu's SLC. I remember it as being very not-awful. Almost fun, actually, sort of. Certainly, I've ridden much, much worse versions.

But yes, all other coasters here were completely pwned by the dive-loop Ultra-Twister. We need to resurrect Togo and have them make more.

Thanks again, Chuck, for these updates. It's such a pleasure to relive the entire experience.

Although the pull of the Sapporo Bier Garten was strong, we had to leave Sapporo and return to Tokyo. I really enjoyed visiting Hokkaido, and wouldn't mind returning some day. But there was much more southern Japan awesomeness to experience.

Our first stop after arriving at Haneda Airport was the sensory overload that is Joypolis at Tokyo Teleport. This is one of the most elaborate arcades you'll ever see--three levels of very Japanese craziness that gives off a soft blue glow. It's the home of Veil of Dark: The Shooting Coaster, which is a big improvement over the ride that used to be there, the painful Spin Bullet, which was like something cooked up by the Spanish Inquisition to force confessions out of heretics. Veil consists of a shooting-dark-ride section, where you take on various monsters from the bowels of hell, followed by a launched spinning mouse with an inversion right over the floor of Joypolis. The ride is a lot of fun (particularly the dark-ride section).

The rest of Joypolis consists of various video games (even in the bathrooms), both familiar and unfamiliar; simulators (for auto racing, river rafting, and other sports); and bizarre "haunted" attractions (such as very creepy House of the Living Dolls). There's even an enormous Half-Pipe in which you're strapped to a giant skateboard.

We had nearly a whole day to explore Joypolis and the rest of the Tokyo Teleport area. Here's a look.

Hmm--not so sure I want to fly "J Class" on Japan Air Lines. It looks kind of scary, and those two guys are seriously creepy.

What's this? The headquarters of Ultra Man and the Science Patrol?

Joypolis dead ahead.

It's next to the world's most disturbing McDonald's.

Welcome to the future!

In the future, we will all wear cute retro uniforms like this.

So, what is there to see in this Joypolis?

How about terrified British people?

"Interesting" souvenirs?

Or giant rodents that can move at the speed of sound?

Veil of Dark has one of the coolest entrance signs ever.

As you can see from this high-quality photo, those who ride the Half-Pipe are often transported through an inter-dimensional vortex and never seen again.

This is the only photo I have of Veil of Dark that isn't hopelessly blurry.

I rode it twice, but can't remember my scores. I can guarantee that I was neither a "Legend" nor a "Master."

Yes, this simulator is much like the drive to work I make in my Saturn each day. An editor's life is fraught with peril.

I was glad that House of the Living Dolls was still there. This is another one of those creepy shows where you sit around a table while scary things happen in Japanese.

Hmm--what if multiple staff come? Would they be "staves"?

Oh my god! Joypolis has srpung a leak! Run for your lives!

Maybe we should pray to god, even though he looks a bit constipated.

I could sure go for a nice "stake" or "humberger." This brings to mind an old Three Stooges joke. Moe: Would you rather they burn you at the stake or chop off your head?Curly: Burn me at the stake, because a hot stake is better than a cold chop! [SLAP] Ow!

So, we had the better part of a day to explore Tokyo Teleport. Some of us wandered past the Teleport train station to Mega Web, a big shopping, dining, and amusement complex that housed Toyota City Showcase--which is sort of a combination theme park and car dealership. There were a bunch of other stores there, too.

How's this for a specialty shop? Unlike a drug store, there's no need to be embarrassed while buying condoms here--that's all they sell.

I think their other big hits were "Rubber Band Man," "Big 10-Inch Record," and "Let's Get Drunk and Screw."

Off to Mega Web!

You see--it is as I told you.

Welcome to the strangest car dealership ever.

"You are here"--where you can't smoke.

Of course there's a Mega Theater. We're in Mega Web!

I wonder if Condomania has something to cover 380 inches?

You can also buy all sorts of ridiculously expensive car paraphernalia here.

Yeah, we actually did this.

Your mission is to pedal a little hybrid scooter around this course and not break any laws. It's harder than it sounds, especially when you have to pedal up a ramp.

When the staff enticed us to try it, no one was around. But as soon as three Americans and a Brit started pedaling around, there was quite a crowd of Japanese people watching and laughing.

"OK, what do I have to do to make sure you drive this baby off the lot today? Let's deal!"

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