We’ve been featuring the stories of the six Americans who traveled to Vietnam on the inaugural 2 Sides Project trip. Now it’s time to feature the other side. And there’s no better person to start with than Mr. Vu Ngoc Xiem.

We met Mr. Xiem in Ho Chi Minh City, in the last of our meetings with Vietnamese sons and daughters. By that time we’d already met 15 people on the other side. We’d cried, shared pictures of our families, and been welcomed in a land that to us, just days before, had represented only war and death. What we feared—that we would be scorned given our history—hadn’t happened. But when I saw Mr. Xiem sitting at the table, watching us as we walked in, I thought all that might change. His lips were pressed tightly together as he gave us a quick nod, then looked down at the table. He kept his hands busy by leafing through the pages of a small notebook. As the others went around the table and introduced themselves, Mr. Xiem rocked back and forth, rubbing his forehead with his fingertips. Then it came his time to speak. He stood. He looked so angry, I thought he might shout.

He introduced himself and told us how his father had died, what happened to him afterward, and how anger against the Americans fueled much of his life. And then he said something incredible: he wanted to let that anger go. He acknowledged that we were all victims. He asked that we help clean up what had been left after the war. Then he said thank you, and sat down. His face had softened. Later, as we took pictures with the American side, he smiled.

We recently asked Mr. Xiem to tell us about his memory of that moment, and what he’s been thinking about since. A military man for most of his life, Mr. Xiem talks honestly about his feelings. He uses words that might make some wince. We are grateful to the venerable Ms. Yen of the Vietnam USA Society (VUS), our guide in Vietnam, who translated his responses into English. Both the English and Vietnamese versions are below. We have reached out to ask others we met to share their thoughts. We’ll feature their stories as we get their responses.

If there’s no better person to start with than Mr. Xiem, there’s no better time. It’s April 4, 2016, and today is the 51st anniversary of the death of Mr. Xiem’s father.

Tell us a bit about your father, and how you grew up.My father was killed by American bombs while fighting in the Ham Rong protection campaign on April 4, 1965. This was the second day the U.S. imperialists used aircraft to bomb North Vietnam. The pain of losing my father had not even passed when, on October 10, 1967, my class – Class 9B- Y Yen High School, Nam Ha (now Nam Dinh Province) – was bombed by American aircraft, killing 33 students and one teacher. I survived, along with seven other friends.

We felt deep anger and hatred for the U.S. invaders, not only for us, but also for the people of Vietnam and peace-loving people around the world. We were just kids sitting in school. Why did the American troops bomb us? The feud remained in our hearts and we vowed that the U.S. was our archenemy. The hatred stayed in me the whole time I served the campaign of fighting to liberate the South and reunify the whole country.

What was your reaction to being invited to meet the other side?When I was informed that I would meet with the 2 Sides Project and interact with children of U.S. soldiers killed in the Vietnam War, I began to think a lot. My feelings gradually changed from hatred and resentment to empathy and pity for the children of American soldiers killed in the Vietnam War. When I came to the meeting, I saw the lack of confidence, the anxiety on their faces (unlike the American or European travelers/tourists in Vietnam). I witnessed their tears. And at that moment my hatred seemed to melt away, leaving only sympathy. I understood that you, and your fathers, were also victims of the war caused by the American war addiction of warmongers in the U.S. government and U.S. military.

I am thankful to the 2 Sides Project. I also express my gratitude to all at the Vietnam-USA Society (VUS) and Union of Friendship Organizations of Ho Chi Minh City (HUFO) for connecting and organizing the meeting between the children of Vietnamese war martyrs and American sons and daughters. I consider the get-together a historical one. The sons and daughters of both sides are witnesses to history, children of those once enemies in the war, and now it is 40 years after the fighting between the soldiers defending the Fatherland and the invaders who also died by the war.

Photo courtesy Istrico Productions

What have been your impressions since you met the Americans?Hatred is only hatred. Our lives should be directed forward. If we always look back, we will stumble. I remember in 1995, when the U.S. removed the embargo against Vietnam, the heads of state of the two countries shook hands, and the President of Vietnam said: “Let us close the past and look forward to the future.” Therefore, the meeting between Vietnamese and American sons and daughters is really significant. We are the generation with a historical connection between the two peoples of Vietnam and the United States. We have witnessed the war, the confrontation of the previous generation, directly. We have a responsibility to erase the images of the unjust war, to usher in a brighter future, for our generation and for future generations.

The meeting between children of Vietnamese revolutionary war-martyrs and American soldiers killed in Vietnam makes me more confident in a future of harmony and solidarity between our two peoples. We are the most affected, the most lost, and the most disadvantaged because of our fathers’ deaths. (the meanings of their deaths are different, though).

From this meeting, not just people like us, but also the peoples of the two countries, Vietnam and the United States, need to hold hands to continue the path of making harmony, solidarity, and peace.

Do you think you father would have approved of such a meeting?As a child, my parents often taught that man is born basically good, but life has innumerable difficulties. If you want to be alive, you need to be self-controlled to forget your illness, your old age and your hatred. Only thus will you have a peaceful and happy life. They also taught that the Vietnamese people have a tradition of being kind-hearted, and are a generous, loving people who love peace. Surely my father will smile now, as his loving child obeys him.

Mr. Xiem with Ron Reyes after the meeting. Mr. Xiem wears the 2 Sides Project lapel pin, as does Ron Reyes, along with his Gold Star pin. Ron also wears a red flower pin. It was made by victims of Agent Orange. Mr Xiem gave each of us a flower pin. Photo courtesy Istrico Productions.