Still on the Abuja ‘Owambe’

Save for officials’ anxiety that some Boko Haram elements could be lurking around any corner, Abuja – Nigeria’s capital city of politics and voodoo economics – is in a party mood. Already, smart businessmen and women, journalists, emergency contractors, genuine and questionable consultants, low-class pimps and high class courtesans are perfecting strategies to make the best out of the three-month shindig as the Presidency is billed to officially ‘unveil’ the appetising menu on Monday, March 17, when the Justice Idris Kutigi-led National Conference Committee would be inaugurated by President Goodluck Jonathan. Those conversant with what goes down whenever activities of this nature take place in Abuja would readily admit that free-flowing cash is not always in short supply. All it takes to scoop some dough in seasons like this is having an idea or meeting one of ‘them’, the Kleptocrats who run things. Sometime, a well-thought-out strategic repositioning gets one close to those in charge of disbursing the freebies that come with every talk shop that had been organised to ‘cement’ our oneness as a nation irrespective of what happened to the recommendations of such talk shops! From the look of things, the Jonathan National Dialogue promises to offer more entertainment not just because of the quality of names that found their way into the delegates’ list but also because of the kind of ‘comfort’ that the lucky delegates stand to enjoy in a city brimming with money, power and hot legs. I’m sure no one has any problem decoding what hot legs stand for. Snippets from the yet-to-be-passed 2014 budget indicate that the government has allocated N7bn from the Service Wide Vote for the dialogue even before the Senator Femi Okurounmu-led Advisory Committee on National Dialogue submitted its report to Jonathan. For now, no one can say for sure if the Okurounmu committee, tried as they did, truly came out with recommendations that reflected its terms of reference which included, among others, to consult expeditiously with all relevant stakeholders with a view to drawing up a feasible agenda for the proposed national dialogue/ conference; make recommendations to government on structure and modalities for the proposed national dialogue/conference; and make recommendations on how representation of various interest groups at the national dialogue/conference will be determined. The committee was also saddled with the responsibility of advising the government on a time frame for the national dialogue/conference; its legal framework, legal procedures and options for integrating decisions and outcomes of the national conference into the constitution; and advise the government on any other matters that may be related or incidental to the conference. Although the jury is still out on what can be done with the outcome of the Justice Kuitigi confab. Two main reasons have been adduced for this. First, there is the belief that the National Assembly, which is the only body that is constitutionally empowered to make laws for the good governance of the country, might not be disposed to any attempt to whittle down or tamper with its overriding powers by accepting the recommendations of a nonstatutory body. The body language of members does not suggest a preparedness to shoot oneself on the foot! Second, aside the fact that the authorities might find it difficult to convince members of the two chambers who are torn apart along political divide to accept the recommendations and make moves to reflect them in a new constitution, some have argued that failure to put such recommendations to a referendum might render the report useless. It may just as end up in the trash can of history just as many others in the past. But then, this is still within the realm of speculations since the conference is set to convene in Abuja next week. However, what is not a subject of conjectures is the amount that would be spent on ‘logistics’ for the National Conference Secretariat, accommodation, feeding and other miscellaneous activities for the 492 delegates made up of ‘elder-statesmen’, representatives of professional bodies, civil society groups, politicians, human rights activists, monarchs, youth and politicians. Like a friend put it, the list is a blend of “thieving billionaires, moderate millionaires, innocent kobonaires and privileged criminals!” What is important is that this potpourri of Nigerians would be gathering in Abuja in the next few days to discuss how best we can live together as peoples of the same nation. As would be expected, they are not doing it for free. This talk of a lifetime comes with the kind of perks that would make the forever struggling Nigerians groan with envy and salivate with bitterness. It was the same way most Nigerians were smitten and became punch drunk with riotous rage tucked within their armpits when, in January 18, 2005, former President Olusegun Obasanjo sought an approval of the sum of N932m from the National Assembly to fund a three-month National Political Reform Conference billed to start mid- February of that year. In that particular instance, Obasanjo was kind enough to avail the lawmakers details of what the money would be used for. Delegates were to earn N21.68million as sitting allowance and N650.25 million as allowances in lieu of accommodation. Also included was the sum of N1.7million for return flight tickets from London, Washington, Beijing and Johannesburg in addition to N28,800 for return flights to Abuja for the inaugural session and subsequent conference meetings. Delegates, Obasanjo noted, would be given N14, 400 for airport taxi and local transportation within Abuja while there would be a provision for, at least, two CVU long wheel cars to be hired and fuelled at a total cost of N2.9 million. That was in 2005. Today, eight solid years after the Obasanjo jamboree came out with a report which never saw the light of day and eight years after his third term agenda was quashed by both chambers of the National Assembly, President Jonathan would need N7bn or more to host his chosen ones to a talk show. It is bad enough that, up till now, he has not officially written the National Assembly to make formal request for the funds and neither has he publicly avail us details of the spend. All that we are privileged to know, according to an exclusive report published by this paper early January, is that N11bn would be drawn from the perennially abused and callously raped Service Wide Vote with N7 billion going to the National Dialogue while N4 billion will be expended on hosting the World Economic Forum (WEF) in Abuja. It’s that simple and it’s called voodoo economics. You need not worry yourselves how they came about this humongous aggregate. Just rest assured that nothing is too small to spend on those who have opted to create time out of a busy schedule, to discuss the way forward for a country on the throes of disintegration and a citizenry forever harangued by the challenges of daily living. Pity. But if you are one of those persons who insist on the breakdown of every appropriated figure, then this news report would interest you. According to a scoop by one of the leading newspapers, the delegates are billed to enjoy the sort of reception fit only for royalties. Beyond the talks, jibes, drama and occasional fisticuffs that ordinary Nigerians would be treated to at the International Conference Centre venue of the talk show, delegates would also have the freedom of being ensconced in Abuja’s red carpet treatment status with a monthly accommodation stipend of N4m each and a daily feeding allowance of about N30,000 for three rounded meals! Ha! Life sure can’t be on the down side for any delegate regardless of his status. The N30,000 meal ticket per day, if the report is true, could pay the salary of most Nigerians for four months. And that’s why some people see this latest national dialogue conference as the most expensive talk shop ever organised in this country. But then, who cares? We do understand the argument that Abuja is an expensive town with its peculiar security challenges at a time when terrorists are threatening to disturb its peaceful ambience. We are also not unmindful of the fact that the Obasanjo confab was some eight years gone and things couldn’t just remain the same. Even the beautiful, fair weather friends that line roads leading to major hotels in Abuja no longer charge stipends for services rendered! We can even decode why some of the delegates need extra funds for ‘personal logistics’ in the spirit of ‘body no be wood’ and a labourer deserving his wage. We also know that some lifestyles have to be maintained by some privileged delegates. But then, in line with its avowed commitment to transparency and accountability in the transformation agenda, it shouldn’t be difficult to spell out how much each delegate will get for agreeing to disagree and being ‘patriotic’ enough to attend a talk show which is long on promises and could end up to be abysmally short on delivery if the delegates are to strictly obey the ‘no-go areas’ command by Mr. President. Or should it? And so, we ask: how cheap is this talk and what impact will it have on the price of fish in the market?