Petraeus Scandal: Bumbling brass, bimbos.

Enough already! Fire up the Margarita blender with extra Cuervo. When did the military become run by the Marx Bros.?

The resulting honky tonk cat fight between Tampa “socialite” Jill Kelley, who one day hopes to move up into Florida Premier League bimbolity in West Palm Beach on the “other” Florida coast, and retired four-star Gen. David “How’s sleeping on the couch going?” Petraeus’ side squeeze Paula Broadwell. makes me wonder if the mainstream media hasn’t been hijacked by the National Enquirer.

So much for this long since retired officer believing that shoulder epaulet and collar stars make one a “political” beastie. One or two stars? Bat your eyelids coquettishly, whilst remarking how you’re still an “operator.” Three and four stars, face it: you’re political, with a capital ‘P.

The battle between Kelley the “vanity plate honorary consul fashion accessory” gal, aged 37, and “thirty-something” Ms. Broadwell (ok, she’s 40) adds soap opera on steroids scandal to the mix. A fitting complement to an overly drawn out political campaign? American exceptionalism? Where did Broadwell cut her academic chops? Chuck-E-Cheese? They obviously can’t be thrilled at Camelot High (Harvard Univ. Kennedy School of Government). European women must be laughing at our expense.

Gen. John Allen, who seems to exemplify the perjorative “Uncle Sam’s Misguided Chlldren” in this sortid affair just now, apparently didn’t even “get any”, as opposed by his former boss Petraeus. A quarter century back, I can recall philandering officers being quietly shuffled off into early retirement. Allen, despite White House assurances to the contrary, appears to have ineptly taken a swan dive onto his Marmaduke sword. So much for the spousal scowl and temporary cold shoulder for getting too flirty with someone-not-their-wife at a Christmas party.

It’s 2012. No officer should expect the old adage of “what happens on deployment stays on deployment” to apply any more. Loose lips now sink your own ship.

If there is a glimmer of hope out of this sleazy affair in prime time, it is that there are in fact leadership opportunities for competent women academics and senior officers. As the Sylvester Stallone Rambo film line went: “You know they’re out there. Find ‘em!”

This scandal appears to be run as if it was crafted by the red-nosed clowns across the big bridge in Sarasota at the Ringling Bros.-Barnum & Bailey Circus. I’ll bet there’s a cancer surgeon in Tampa named Kelley who is chatting with his attorney about excising the malignant “high maintenance” wifey tumor. Is there a Pre-nup?