This site is a coalition effort of bloodthirsty hawks and ineffectual doves
united in admiration for Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf, Iraqi Minister of
Information (currently on administrative leave).

"In an age of spin, al-Sahaf offers feeling and authenticity. His message
is consistent -- unshakeable, in fact, no matter the evidence -- but he commands
daily attention by his on-the-spot, invective-rich variations on the theme. His
lunatic counterfactual art is more appealing than the banal awfulness of the
Reliable
Sources. He is a Method actor in a production that will close in a couple of
days.
He stands superior to truth."

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to show your love for M.S.S., help us pay our server bills, and get
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M.S.S Throughout HistoryEver wonder what M.S.S. would have said during some of history's
greatest battles? Of course you did.

M.S.S. in HollywoodWho will play M.S.S. in the soon to be made feature film/miniseries
"The Minister"? Here's our suggestion.

M.S.S. - What's Next?So now that his former job is, well, unavailable, what will M.S.S.
do next? Let the head-hunting begin!

M.S.S. on Administrative
LeaveCurious about what M.S.S. has been doing with his vacation time?
So were we until he started sending us postcards from his travels. His latest
stop? Germany!

M.S.S. - Our Readers Show
LoveObviously we aren't the only ones who think this guy is a riot.
Here we present some of our favorite reader contributions.

January
12 - Furloughed Iraqi Information Minister Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf (M.S.S.)
has a brand new "gig" (that's entertainment industry lingo)- TV talking
head for Abu Dhabi TV! His latest commentary on the capture of Saddam
included
this,
uh, curious statement: "The expected trial needs evidence to be
submitted. Everybody talks about war crimes and the like. But the court
considers facts and evidence only." Because we all know how much
M.S.S. believes in the sanctity of facts and evidence. We forget, are
their troops in Baghdad yet?

December 15 - M.S.S. reacts to news of Saddam's capture
on al-Jazeera: "The
place where Saddam had been caught is an old hideout, known to many Iraqi
leadership members. I don't believe that Saddam used
such a very well known hideout". We think the whole war thing
might have given away the fact that Saddam doesn't always make the
greatest
tactical choices.-- Carl Duddin

September 23 - Furloughed Iraqi Information
Minister Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf (M.S.S.) gives new interview with
Abu Dhabi TV in which he makes maybe the first accurate statement of
his
public career: "Saddam believed that he will lose the war if it
erupts." What a shocking prediction.

August 18 - The Editors of WLTIIM.com announce the launch
of their newest "fan" site in honor of another very quotable
man, WeLoveArnold.com.
In protest, furloughed Iraqi M.S.S. immediately announces that
he is now too a candidate for California governor. "There is no
Arnold!"
M.S.S. declares. "This is a lie of the olooj editors of this infidel
site. I am not afraid and neither should you be. I repeat, there are
no Arnolds in Sacramento. Never!"

August 11 - The LA Times reports that the Iraqi military
was itself fooled by the creative reporting of furloughed Iraqi Information
Minister Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf (M.S.S.): "After the information minister
claimed that Iraqi forces had retaken the Baghdad airport from U.S. troops,
two former commanders said, Republican Guard Gen. Mohammed Daash was
dispatched to check out a rumor that four or five American tanks had
survived the Iraqi counterattack. Daash returned to his headquarters
in a panic. "Four or five tanks!'' the commanders quoted Daash as telling
his fellow generals. "Are you
out of your minds? The whole damn American Army is at the airport!''
"

August 4 - The Crack Editorial Staff returns from their
long and richly deserved July vacation. Apologies for the lack of news,
but, hey, it's the summer, so we don't really care. New Items
of Interest that we missed:
7/29 - A new weekly newspaper
in Iraq has been named Al-Sahhaf, after M.S.S. The editor explained, "I
wanted a name that would attract readers. The name Al-Sahhaf has had
an impact
in the
press." No confirmation yet to rumors that the New York Times
will rename itself The Jayson Blair or that Fox News will now be called
The Geraldo.
7/25 - Police in Sweden reveal that M.S.S. may have been involved in
the brutal murder of an Iraqi agent in Stockholm 18 years ago, and that
he is now under investigation and faces possible criminal charges. Maybe
his glorious post-war career is not getting off to the best start here....

July 11 - M.S.S. makes a sudden appearance in Abu Dhabi,
saying he might not return to Iraq. "When I leave I always have
in my mind that I might not come down this road again, but I'm working
and praying to God that I can return
to Baghdad
one day," he said on Abu Dhabi Television. The Abu Dhabi Information
Minister? Doesn't quite have the same ring to it...

June 28 - M.S.S. announces that he is going to write a
book about his experiences in which he will reveal details about the
collapse of the Ba'athist regime. "What the public has is only a
small part of the picture," he
told an interviewer. "The
rest will emerge when I write my book." Move over Harry Potter...

June 27 - What happened
to his hair?!?! And what's with the old man glasses? Did he lose his
stylist to Rumsfeld? More quotes from the new interview
with M.S.S.:
"The information I received from the governorates was more precise
and comprehensive than the information I got from the Baghdad area.
I was sincere in everything I said, even just before the fall of Baghdad
international
airport."
"The information was correct, but the interpretations
were not," he
said. "I did my duty up to the last minute."

Breaking News - June 26 - The man has
returned!!!! Al-Arabiya TV
announces that
M.S.S.
will reappear
Friday for the first time since the fall of Baghdad in an interview
conducted in his "hideout in Baghdad," that will be
aired at 1900 GMT Friday. However, clips from the interview have already
been
aired, so finally, after months of painful waiting, we have
AUTHENTIC
NEW M.S.S. QUOTES![the war was a] "very difficult time. Not just on one man,
but on all." (you got to love the modesty)
Were your quotes yours or from Saddam? "No, these are all from the
Arab history and all will be clear on time." (sounds to us like
he's not done yet!)
[where he got his information] "From authentic sources.
Many authentic sources."

June 25 - The Daily Mirror
reports that U.S. troops have arrested M.S.S., at a roadblock
in a Baghdad suburb. HOWEVER, a senior Pentagon official then said
Wednesday no information exists to support the article. "Right now
we have no information that that's true," said Colonel Jay DeFrank,
a Pentagon spokesman. We are so confused....

June 16 - The backlash begins, but round one goes to M.S.S.:
the advertising standards authority in Great Britain dismisses complaints
about the Ryanair
advertising
campaign, which used images
of M.S.S. About 15 members
of the public complained about the adverts, but the authority concluded
that, although the campaign was "distasteful", it was not
likely to cause serious
or widespread offence.

June 9 - And the awards start rolling in: Furloughed Iraqi
Information Minister Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf (M.S.S.) is named "Stupidest
Person in the World" at the first
annual World
Stupidity Awards, held in Canada. And so the first, albeit small,
step in his long campaign for the Nobel Peace Prize is completed.

June 3 - M.S.S. finally gets his own movie! The Baghdad
Broadcasting Corporation announces the release of the Baghdad
Bob DVD, a compilation of his unforgettable live performances.
George W. Bush immediately orders 500 copies of "his man" in
action, and Christmas shopping for the West Wing staff is finished
early this year.

June 1 - UK paper The Mail on Sunday reported it
had tracked down M.S.S. The newspaper said it found
him "cowering in his modest home, terrified
his own people will kill him". The paper described him as "a
broken man, spending his days pacing his study in his uniform and green
beret". He refused to talk to the paper and friends said he may
never go out in public again. "The family are worried he is going
out of his mind", according to
one friend. This site immediately sends him a muffin basket
in hopes of cheering him up.

31 May -- In quest for reliable information on current
whereabouts of furloughed Iraqi Information Minister Muhammed Saeed
al-Sahaf (M.S.S.), correspondent for this website embeds in a "key country
known to be important to the Minister and his immediate family."...
Radio silence will be maintained throughout two-week "vacation",
during which Daily Update to be written by a series of prominent Pulitzer
Prize winners.

29 May -- Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz now says
US war aims were more varied than heretofore acknowledged: "For
bureaucratic reasons, we settled on weapons of mass destruction because
it was the one reason everyone could agree on," Wolfowitz tells
Vanity Fair... Wolfowitz cites other "huge" issues, but
tellingly makes no mention of pivotal Pentagon concern that M.S.S.
might have been assigned to an obscure ambassadorship if US troops
had not invaded
at earliest possible moment.

28 May -- Reuters reports that al-Jazeera Television will
replace its CEO while denying claims that the ouster is "due to
allegations the channel had been infiltrated by Iraqi intelligence"...
Insiders detect the fingerprints of M.S.S., apparent mastermind of
the infiltration and now the leading candidate for the al-Jazeera top
job.

27 May -- Last Friday's announcement by occupation administrator
Paul Bremer that the Iraq Ministry of Information has been "dissolved" leads
to worldwide clamor for news of the most recent head of that ministry,
M.S.S. ... Answer may lie within rich stew of
Pentagon rumors that M.S.S. soon will be announced as replacement for
current Defense spokesperson Victoria "Torey" Clarke, expected
to be named as President's Special Commiserative Envoy to retired General
Jay Garner.

26 May -- Memorial Day (US) observed today, chiefly through
mass attempts to lie in sand. Stalwart admirers of M.S.S. gather across
the country to place flowers, berets, and "infidel
discs"
at the foot of giant impromptu effigies of the much-missed M.S.S.

The First Update - 9 April – Last known remark of
M.S.S., to John Burns of NY Times : "I NOW INFORM YOU THAT YOU
ARE TOO FAR FROM REALITY."

--
TREASURY OF DEATHLESS QUOTES --

"There are no American infidels in Baghdad. Never!"

"My feelings - as usual - we will slaughter them all"

"Our initial assessment is that they will all die"

"I blame Al-Jazeera - they are marketing for the Americans!"

"God will roast their stomachs in hell at the hands of
Iraqis."

"They're coming to surrender or be burned in their tanks."

"No I am not scared, and neither should you be!"

"Be assured. Baghdad is safe, protected"

"Who are in control, they are not in control of anything
- they don't even control themselves!"

"We are not afraid of the Americans. Allah has
condemned them. They are stupid. They are stupid" (dramatic
pause) "and they are condemned."

"The Americans, they always depend on a method what
I call ... stupid, silly. All I ask is check yourself. Do not in fact
repeat their lies."

"I can say, and I am responsible for what I am saying,
that they have
started to commit suicide under the walls of Baghdad. We
will encourage them to commit more suicides quickly."

"I can assure you that those villains will recognize,
will discover in appropriate time in the future how stupid they are and
how they are pretending things which have never taken place."

"We have destroyed 2 tanks, fighter planes, 2 helicopters
and their shovels - We have driven them back."

"The authority of the civil defense ... issued
a warning to the civilian population not to pick up any of those pencils
because they are booby
traps," he said, adding that the British and American forces were "immoral
mercenaries" and "war
criminals" for such behavior.
"I am not talking about the American people and the British people," he
said. "I am talking about those mercenaries. ... They have started throwing
those pencils,
but they are not pencils, they are booby traps to kill the children."

"We have them surrounded in their tanks"

"The American press is all about lies! All they tell
is lies, lies and more lies!"

"I have detailed information about the situation...which
completely proves that what they allege are illusions . . . They lie
every day."

"Lying is forbidden in Iraq. President Saddam Hussein
will tolerate nothing but truthfulness as he is a man of great honor
and integrity. Everyone is encouraged to speak freely of the truths evidenced
in their eyes and hearts."

"Now even the American command is under siege. We are hitting
it from the north, east, south and west. We chase them here and they
chase us there. But at the end we are the people who are laying siege
to them. And it is not them who are besieging us."

"because we will behead you all"

"Let the American infidels bask in their illusion"

"I triple guarantee
you, there are no American soldiers in Baghdad."

Britain "is not worth an old shoe"

"we have given them a sour taste"

"blood-sucking bastards"

Of US troops: "They
are most welcome. We will butcher them."

"We will welcome them with bullets and shoes."

"We are in control. They are in a state
of hysteria. Losers, they think that by killing civilians and trying
to distort the feelings of the people they will win. I think they will
not win, those bastards."

"The British forces which were dropped there have
been eliminated mostly on the (battle)field, except for those who fled
... It is a complete defeat ... Amazingly the Americans have pushed the
British to do that. They pushed them ahead as if it is an experiment.
The result was very tragic for the British."

“We have placed them in a quagmire from which they
can never emerge except dead”

"Washington has thrown their soldiers on the fire"

"I speak better English than this villain Bush"

"These cowards have no morals. They have no shame
about lying"

"They're not even [within] 100 miles [of Baghdad]. They
are not in any
place. They hold no place in Iraq. This is an illusion ... they are
trying to sell to the others an illusion."

"Their failure in this regard is abysmal. They want
to tell the world changes thought - as a matter of fact, they do not
respect
the world, they want to tell taxpayers and the domestic public to keep
them
deceived. We will embroil them, confuse
them and keep them in the quagmire. They have begun to tell more lies
so that they might continue with the perpetration of their crimes. May
they be accursed."

"We will kill them all........most of them."

"They are like a snake and we are going to cut it
in pieces."

"They do not even have control over themselves! Do
not believe them!"

"I would like to clarify a simple fact here: How can you
lay siege to a whole country? Who is really under siege now? Baghdad
cannot be besieged. Al-Nasiriyah cannot be besieged. Basra cannot be
besieged."

"That bastard the American Minister of Defense Rumsfeld,
and I won't say shamelessly, because they don't know what shame means.
These are criminals. The whole word can hear the warning sirens. This
criminal sitting in the White House is a pathetic criminal and his Defense
Minister deserves to be beaten. These criminals
lie to the world because they are criminals by nature and conditioning.
They consider this a military site! Shame on you! You will forever be
shamed!
You have ruined the reputation of the American people in the most terrible
way! Shame on you! And we will destroy you!"

"They are trapped
in Umm Qasr. They are trapped near Basra. They are trapped near Nasiriyah.
They are trapped near Najaf.
They are
trapped everywhere."

Called Americans and Brits "Tarateer"– In
Iraqi slang, Tartoor means a guy full of farts (i.e. hot air)

"they are nowhere near the airport ..they are lost
in the desert...they can not read a compass...they are retarded."

"They are not in Baghdad. They are not in control
of any airport. I tell you this. It is all a lie. They
lie. It is a hollywood movie. You do not believe them."

"Faltering forces of infidels cannot just enter a
country of 26 million people and lay besiege to them! They are the ones
who will find themselves under siege. Therefore, in reality whatever
this miserable Rumsfeld has been saying, he was talking about his own
forces. Now even the American command is under siege."

"They tried to bring a small number of tanks and personnel
carriers in through al-Durah but they were surrounded and most of their
infidels had their throats cut."

"Our estimates are that none of them will come out alive
unless they
surrender to us quickly."

"We made them drink poison last night and Saddam
Hussein's soldiers and his great forces gave the Americans a lesson which
will
not be forgotten
by history. Truly."

"On this occasion, I am not going to mention the number of the infidels
who were killed and the number of destroyed vehicles. The operation
continues"

"Today we slaughtered them in the airport. They are
out of Saddam International Airport."

"The force that was in the airport, this force was
destroyed."

"We're giving them a real lesson today. Heavy doesn't
accurately describe
the level of casualties we have inflicted."

"Their infidels are committing suicide by the hundreds
on the gates of Baghdad. Be assured, Baghdad is safe, protected."

"Today I have visited whole Baghdad city, no invaders
found. You go and see how we have ousted them from this city. They are
cying outside and waiting to receive bullets. They will be killed shortly."

"These images are not the suburbs of Baghdad. From
what I glimpsed, these gardens with rows of palm trees on the side, which
you saw in the images, are located in the south of Abu Ghreib, where
we have surrounded the Americans and British."

"The situation is excellent, they are going to try
to approach Baghdad...and I believe their grave will be there."

"NO", snapped Mr al-Sahaf, "We have retaken
the airport. There are NO
Americans there. I will take you there and show you. IN ONE HOUR!"

"We defeated them yesterday. God willing, I will provide you with more information.
I swear by God, I swear by God, those who are staying in Washington and London
have thrown these mercenaries in a crematorium."

"Please, please! The Americans are relying on what
I called yesterday a desperate and stupid method."

"They will be burnt. We are going to tackle them"

"We blocked them inside the city. Their rear is blocked"

"Desperate Americans"

"Today we slaughtered them in the airport. They are
out of Saddam International Airport. The force
that was in the airport, this force was destroyed."

"They are trying to fool you. They are showing any
old pictures of buildings. They even went into the VIP section of the
airport, just because Saddam Hussein may have sat in such and such a
chair or slept in such and such a bed"

"We went into the airport and crushed them, we cleaned
the WHOOOLE place out, they were slaughtered"

"Yes, the american troops have advanced further. This
will only make it easier for us to defeat them"

"Their casualties and bodies are many."

[On surrenders] "Those are not Iraqi soldiers at all.
Where did they bring them from?"

"Just look carefully, I only want you to look carefully.
Do not repeat the lies of liars. Do not become like them. Once again,
I blame al-Jazeera before it ascertains what takes place. Please, make
sure of what you say and do not play such a role."

"This is unbased"

"Search for the truth. I tell you things and I always
ask you to verify what I say. I told you yesterday that there was an
attack and
a retreat
at Saddam's airport."

"I have detailed information about the situation .
. . which completely proves that what they allege are illusions . . .
They lie every day."

"You can go and visit those places. Nothing there,
nothing at all. There are Iraqi checkpoints. Everything is okay."

"This boa, the American columns, are being besieged between Basra
and other towns north, west, south and west of Basra....Now even the
American
command is under siege. We are hitting it from the north, east, south
and west. We chase them here and they chase us there."

"By God, I think this is rather very unlikely. This
is merely a prattle. The fact is that as soon as they reach Baghdad gates,
we will besiege
them and slaughter them....Wherever they go they will find themselves
encircled."

"They (the U.S.) are deceiving their soldiers and
their officers that aggressing against Iraq and invading Iraq will be
like a picnic. This is a very stupid lie they are telling their soldiers,
what they are facing
is a definite death."

"Listen, this explosion does not frighten us any langer.
The cruise missiles do not frighten anyone. We are catching them like
fish in a river.
I mean here that over the past two days we managed to shoot down 196 missiles
before they hit their target."

"Blair...is accusing us of executing British soldiers. We want to tell
him that we have not executed anybody. They are either killed in battle,
most of them get killed because they are cowards anyway, the rest they
just get captured."

"They fled. The American louts fled. Indeed, concerning the fighting waged
by the heroes of the Arab Socialist Baath Party yesterday, one amazing
thing really is the cowardice of the American soldiers. we had not
anticipated this."

"We will slaughter them, Bush Jr. and his international
gang of bastards!"

"the louts of colonialism."

"The forces of American colonialism began to drop containers that produce
a sound explosion, a very huge sound. I remind you that they said
that their strategy is based on shock and awe. Those failed ones manufactured
a type of container that has an explosive substance, which they drop.
They cause a very huge explosion in terms of sound, as if the universe
was shaken. After a while, you go out and you don't find anything.
You
find some nails, screws, pieces of metal, but the important thing
here is the sound. Those failed ones think that through the huge sound explosion,
people would be shocked and consequently would collapse and be defeated.
What happened? The contrary. The fighters..., the masses..., and
the
heroic sons of the Iraqi tribes discovered this game. They will turn
it against the American louts so as to shock them. Wait for surprises,
God willing, to see how the US game will fail."

"The shock has backfired on them. They are shocked
because of what they have seen. No one received them with roses. They
were received with
bombs, shoes and bullets. Now, the game has been exposed. Awe will backfire
on them. This is the boa snake. We will extend it further and cut
it the appropriate way."

"It has been rumored that we have fired scud missiles into
Kuwait. I am here now to tell you, we do not have any scud missiles and
I don't know why they were fired into Kuwait."

"As for the mercenaries who advanced to the perimeters
of Saddam International Airport, I would like to remind you of something.
I will
mention something that will make the picture clear for you and help you to
understand what took place at Saddam International Airport. Most of you
probably saw the American movie "Wag the Dog". I hope you remember it. Some
of their acts that took place at dawn yesterday and today are similar to
what happened in "Wag the Dog". If we succeed in keeping them isolated on
that island, and we are determined to do so, we might let them taste a
second mini Dien Bien Phu tonight. The European journalists remember it
well. Our estimates are that none of them will come out alive unless they
surrender to us quickly. They are completely surrounded now. This morning,
the number of armoured personnel carriers that were destroyed, along with
their occupants, is eight. The number of the tanks destroyed is 11."

"Tonight, we will do something unconventional against
them. This means: not by the military. We will do something that I believe
will become a pretty example for those mercenaries. I would not be giving
out a secret when I say that action in the dark against such mercenaries is
effective, not through the action of armies. I say that dropping down those
mercenaries in a surprise fashion at Saddam Airport without accurate
calculations is largely meant for showing things. It's a showy operation. It
is a kind of surprise muscle flexing to the world to show it that the shock
and awe operation is indeed successful. May they be accursed. Through this
operation [shock and awe], they sent a number of their villains and
mercenaries to be butchered. Again, and according to my early estimates,
unless the remaining part of their soldiers surrender, the chance for their
survival is very slim. The surprising thing is that after they threw their
soldiers into a place where they are not aware of the real results, the
villainous Americans, like Powell and the others, sat in Europe to discuss
how to divide Iraq as spoils after the war [laughing]. This means what's
post-war. The post-war [Iraq] will be the same current Iraq under the
leadership of President Saddam Husayn."

"We will pursue them as war criminals. We will work with all the free people
in the world, and they are many, who want someone to bell the cat [i.e.; to
do a daring deed], and now we are belling the cat, according to the famous
[Arabic] saying so as to rid the UN of those villains. After Iraq aborts the
invasion that is being carried out by the American and British villains, the
USA will no longer be a superpower. Its deterioration will be rapid. I say
to those villains who are meeting in Europe, thinking of launching
psychological war and brainwashing: wait. Do not be hasty because your
disappointment will be huge. You will reap nothing from this aggressive war,
which you launched on Iraq, except for disgrace and defeat. Iraq will
continue to exist. Its civilization is 10,000 years old. It will not be
changed by villains like the US and British villains."

"W. Bush, this man is a war criminal, and we will
see
that he is brought to trial"

"I think the British nation has never been faced
with a tragedy like this fellow [Blair]."

"The United Nations....[is] a place for prostitution
under the feet of
Americans."

"They are sick in their minds. They say they brought 65 tanks into
center
of city. I say to you this talk is not true. This is part of their
sick mind."

Americans are "wild donkeys" ('ALOG' in Arabic
. Other possible translations offered by M.S.S. - 'The children
of pigs', 'Those who have dramatically ugly faces', or 'leeches')

Americans and Brits are "Sick dogs".

"There are no Iraqis disguising themselves"

"They are retreating on all fronts. Their military
effort is a subject of laughter throughout the world."

"...they are nowhere (pause)...they are nowhere, really"

"I can assure you that those villains will recognize,
will discover in appropriate time in the future how stupid they are and
how they are pretending things which have never taken place"

"Iraqi fighters in Umm Qasr are giving the hordes of American and Brtish
mercenaries the taste of definite death. We have drawn them into
a
quagmire and they will never get out of it."

"What they say about a breakthrough [in Najaf] is
completely an illusion. They are sending their warplanes to fly very
low in order to have vibrations on these sacred places . . . they are
trying to crack the buildings by flying low over them."

"We have crushed the whole force which dared to venture
there. Now they're outside the
wall and the heroic Republican Guard is now in control of the whole area.
. . . So where are those villainous louts, those mercenaries?''

"Their forces committed suicide by the hundreds....
The battle is very
fierce and God made us victorious. The fighting continues."

"Yesterday, we slaughtered them and we will continue
to slaughter them."

"They think we are retarded - they are retarded."

(leaflet drops) "I think this is very laughable for
a Superpower to be so cheap to drop inside Iraq such poor things and
they
are printed
in Kuwait''

"...crocodile tears [shed in] .. The gangster
Bush's lair..." (refers to Bush and Blair at
Camp David calling for the Geneva Conventions to be applied to all POWs)

"We're going to drag the drunken junkie nose of Bush
through Iraq's desert, him and his follower dog Blair...There are 26
million Saddams in Iraq"

"We will push those crooks, those mercenaries back into
the swamp"

"When we were making the law, when we were writing
the literature and the mathematics the grandfathers of Blair and little
Bush were scratching
around in caves"

"Those Iraqi fighters are slapping those gangsters
on the face, and then when they flee, they will kick their backsides."

About Bush: "the leader of the international criminal
gang of bastards."

"the insane little dwarf Bush"

"The midget Bush and that Rumsfield deserve only to
be beaten with shoes by freedom loving people everywhere."

"Rumsfeld, he needs to be hit on the head"

"Yesterday we heard this villain called Rumsfeld.
He, of course, is a war criminal, and he is one of the worst of the American
rulers. He said the American mercenaries and the British mercenaries,
they are defending themselves inside Iraq. They are in a defensive position.
They are engaged in self-defense. They are fighting a self-defense war
inside Iraq. Well, congratulations, Mr. Villain, you are defending yourself
inside our country. We will show you what defense means."

"Bush is a very stupid man. The American people are
not stupid, they are very clever. I can't understand how such clever
people came to elect such a stupid president."

"Who is this dog Franks in Qatar?"

"Bush doesn't even know if Spain is a republic or
a kingdom, how can they follow this man?"

"Whenever we attack, they retreat. When we pound them
with missiles and heavy artillery, they retreat even deeper. But when
we stopped pounding,
they pushed to the airport for propaganda purposes.''

Any apparent American gains, he said, were a cunning ploy
by the Iraqis to lure the enemy into a trap. "Our armed forces,
according to their tactics, are leaving the way open"

"The capital, especially the commandos, are getting
ready to wipe them out"

"We are surrounding them and pounding them. The whole
trend has changed and we are going to finalize this very soon.''

"After we finish defeating all of those animals we
will disclose that with facts and figures."

"Bush, Blair and Rumsfeld. They are the funny trio"

"We have shot down 2 Apache helicopters. Have the
Americans said yet that they were shot down by their - what do they call
it - friendly fire? No? Well... [dramatic pause, then smiles] ...not
yet!"

Question: Is Saddam Hussein still alive:
"I will only answer reasonable questions"

"Don't believe anything! We will chase the rascals
back to London!"

"We're now trying to exhaust them, until our leadership
decides the time and method to clean our territory of their desecration."

"Those are mercenaries. Most probably they will be
treated as mercenaries, hirelings and as war criminals. ... For sure,
international law does not apply to those"

Bush "knows that he is standing in quicksand when
it comes to his baseless talk on Iraq"

"This criminal (Bush) in the White House is a stupid
criminal"

"They are not in Najaf. They are nowhere. They are
on the moon. They are snakes in the desert..."

Iraqi opposition leaders are "bats ... and a bad American
product."

"Even those who live on another planet, if there
are such people, would have condemned this action before it started"

"We expect the aggressors to use anything, we don't
rule out that in their depression at being vanquished, those losers will
become hysterical and commit even more folly."

"They are becoming hysterical. This is the result
of frustration."

On U.S. General Richard Myers: "He must be crazy"
His reports are "basic propaganda".

Rumsfeld is
a "crook" and "the most despicable creature."

Rumsfeld is "the worst kind of bastard"

"Our farmers, they are targeting accurately the enemy." (shooting
at helicopters)

"The imperialist invading U.S. and British forces
are like a snake that slithers all over the place but that doesn't control
anything."

"We feed them death and hell!"

"We besieged them and killed most of them, and I think
we will finish them soon."

"They are nowhere near Baghdad. Their allegations
are a cover-up for their failure"

"They want to deceive their people first because now
they are in a very shabby situation."

"It's a small town [Umm Qasar], it has only a few
docks... now they are in a trap"

"Iraqi forces are still in control of the city, and
they are engaging in an attrition war with the enemy"

"Americans
are now in disarray"

"They are again in the dirt in the desert."

"They will try to enter Baghdad, and I think this
is where their graveyard will be."

"Their objective is to get to the outskirts of Baghdad. So be it."

"We will see how the issue will turn out when they come to Baghdad."

"We are determined to defeat them and destroy them
on the walls of our capital, as we are determined to destroy their miserable
armies in every Muslim spot."

"Iraq will spread them even more and chop them up."

"The Iraqi troops and the Iraqi fighters are in control
of all the places, as we have witnessed. No big change in that. We are
fighting against them."

"They are achieving nothing; they are suffering from
casualties. Those casualties are increasing, not decreasing."

"Fight them everywhere. Don't give them a chance to
breathe until they withdraw and retreat."

"The criminals will be humiliated... To hurt the enemy
more, raise the level of your attacks."

"They are lying every day. They are lying always,
and mainly they are lying to their public opinion."

"You think their tanks are in an endless line coming towards
us, wrong they are only a few of them and they turn around and then return
as if to make a long snake"

"I can assure you that those villains will recognize,
will discover in appropriate time in the future, how stupid they are
and how they are pretending things which have never taken place"

"In a few days, you will all witness something that
can only be considered very beautiful against the Coalition forces. That,
I assure you."