Day 8: Dear Boudreaux, poor Thibeau, he had to make tree trips on his mailboat to deliver dem 8 maids-a-milkin and their cows. One of dem cows got spooked by da alligators and almost tipped over da boat. I doan like dem shiftless maids, me no. I tolt dem to get to work guttin fish and sweepinq the shack but dey say it wasn't in dair contract. Dey probably tink dey too good ta skin nutrias I caught las night.

Day 9: Dear Boudreaux, What you trying to do huh? Thibeau had to borrow the Lutcher ferry to carry dem jumpin twits you call Lords-a-Leaping across de bayou. As soon as dey gots here dey wanted a tea break with crumpets. I doan know what dat means but I says, "Well La Di Da. You get Chicory coffee or nuttin." Mon Dieu, Boudreaux. What I'm gonna feed all dese bozos? Dey too snooty for fried nutria, and de cows done eat my turnip greens.

Day 10: Dear Boudreaux, You got to be outs you mind! If de mailman don't kill you, I will fo sure. Today he deliver 10 half nikid floozies from Bourbon Street. Dey said dey be "Ladies Dancin" but dey doan act like ladies in front of dose Limey twits. Dey almos left after one of dem got bit by a water moccasin over by da out-house. I had to butcher 2 cows to feed toute le monde an had to get toilet paper. De Sears catalog wasn't good enuf fer dose hoity toity Lords' royal behin.

Day 11: Dear Boudreaux, where y'at? Cheerio an pip pip. Your 11 pipers piping arrives today from de House of Blues, second lining as dey got off de boat. We fixed snuffed goose and beef jambalaya, finished da whiskey and we having a fais-do-do. Da new mailman he drink a bottle of Jack Daniel an he having a good time yeah dancing with de floozies. Thibeau he jump off de Sunshine Bridge yesterday, screaming your name. If you get a mysterious, ticking package in de mail, doan open it.

Day 12: Dear Boudreaux, I sorry to tell ya but I not your true love anymore, no. After da fais-do-do, I spent de night with Jacque, de head piper. We decide to open a restaurant and gentleman's club on de bayou. Dem ladies can learn lap dancing and make $20 ever guy come in. De Lords we stop leapin and make waiters an valet park de boats. Since de maids doan have no more cows ta milk, I goin train dem set my crab traps, watch my trotlines, an run my shrimpin business. We gonna gross a million clams next year.

Lighten up, Faldage, it's Christmas. We missed your Thanksgiving thanks but it's not too late to trade your humbug for a cup of Christmas cheer. MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU AND YOURS AND MAY THE GOOD LORD BLESS YOU THROUGHOUT THE COMING YEAR.

My, my. Ruffled feathers on Day Qne, ruffled feathers on Day Twelve. Not perzackly the Best Foot Forward for a season of good cheer and magnanimity, but sure fits right in with all them birds flappin around.

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