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This ones like mershed pertuders… the whole weekend smashed into one…

So, a couple of things. First off, whoever is in charge of advertising for Helluva Dips needs to be fired. I get the old adage, sex sells. It’s true, it does. I don’t, however, want to relate chip dip to anything sexual. The only people I can see getting all hot and bothered over chip dip in a sexual way are those people who get heavy breathing thinking about burritos…

But anyway, when I heard the new commercial on the radio this morning on my drive to work all I heard was, ‘Helluva good dick flicks!’. When really its ‘Dip Flicks‘, for some movie and dip promotion. I’m just not sure how this one made it past the censors…

Second off, I didn’t get a whole lot of sleep last night, maybe a good 3 hours total. I realize this could have contributed to the Dip Flick/Dick Flick dilemma but i’m sticking to my guns with this one. After a rousing weekend of getting kicked in the leg by a horse Friday and then making sure I got my monies worth out of the bouncy house slip-n-slide we got for Chief’s birthday Saturday with a gimp leg, my poor body was down for the count Sunday and I took advantage of the day of rest in its entirety. This however, did not relate well into the evening hours because I slept midnight to 2 and then 6 to 7, wide awake in between. Turns out outside my window is the hip new place to congregate for annoyingly chirpy birds and humans alike. I don’t know what kind of bird this was but i’m convinced it had a megaphone and was touched with the stupid. Why it was necessary for it to start chirping in constant from 3 am to whenever I ended up passing out again is beyond me. Likewise for the other human inhabitants of my apartment complex, why it’s necessary to talk at the loudest decibel just shy of yelling, about the Redskins football team no less, at 7 am is just one of those complexities of Maryland life that I guess I will just never understand.

But let me just take a step back from this negativity for a hot minute and tell you all how a bouncy house slip-n-slide is quite possibly the best idea I have ever had in my life. It was Chief’s birthday Friday and between a lame-o birthday last year and her boyfriend getting deployed to some middle eastern hell hole the week before, I took it upon myself and Nee-Nyuh! to make this one an absolute blasty blast. I set upon my googling quest for a bouncy house, because who doesn’t love a good bouncy house? During this search I came to realize that a giant blow up water slide could possibly be the best thing ever. Further searching only proved that rich people have all the fun and leave us poor folks in the dust because that shit is expensive and this, my friends, is the best example of the unfairness that is life I could possibly imagine. So onto the not as awesome but still super badass and much less expensive alternative, slip-n-slide.

When they came to set up the slip-n-slide I almost peed my pants with excitement. I didn’t even care if Chief was going to be pumped for it, I was stoked enough for the both of us. Turns out though that she was super pumped. Just a fore-warning, adding baby shampoo to the slip-n-slide, while a great idea in general, makes shit that much shiestier and it does not taste good in the slightest. Still highly recommended though….

So, things I learned from this experience; 1! Giant inflatable slip-n-slides are the best gift for all ages, the rental guy told me so. 2! Baby shampoo: great for speed, not for taste. They could have made it cotton candy flavored at least. 3! Slip-n-slides: 5 seconds of fun and then a lot of readjusting afterwards… looking back at the videos that’s about how it went, gotta make sure your junk doesn’t make an unapproved appearance at the party. 4! Slow motion video was made for this….i’ve never laughed so hard at a 19 second clip.

Needless to say, between getting kicked and making sure I used that slip-n-slide to its fullest and then uncontrollable laughter watching the slow mo videos later that night, I couldn’t move the next day. Every muscle was in pain…
Definitely in the top 3 best weekends ever…