September 08, 2007

Get Over It (Pt. II)

(Here is the much-anticipated continuation from yesterday ... Enjoy!)

Many folks claim to be "so over it" until the person that hurt them resurfaces.Can you relate? You think you're fine until you hear that person’s voice, orsee them face-to-face again. Then, you fly off the handle. You lose your cool.You get angry all over again. Everything they said and did wrong comes rushingback to your mind like a flood of angry seas. Before you know it, you'rereliving the moment when it all went down. Without warning, you blow your top!

Has anything remotely close to that ever occurred in your life?

Well, when you really and truly forgive someone, you can be civil without astruggle. I'll say that again... you can be civil without a struggle. You cantalk to them without wringing your hands together, clinching your fists andyour teeth. You can smile without having visions of popping them upside thehead... I'm talking about when you're really free.

I'll give you 3 ways to know you're really over your ordeal:

1. You don't feel the need to talk about it all the time-If you talkabout what they did all day, everyday, to whoever will listen, you aren't overit.

2. You hope they "get what they deserve" (And not in a good wayeither) If you're hoping that someone "hurts them the way they hurtyou," or if you're eagerly awaiting to hear of your offender's misfortune,you have not forgiven them. When you're really free, you don't want to see harmcome to them.

3. You want them to feel guilt about what they did-This is a big one.If you believe that you will feel better if they feel guilty, youhaven't forgiven them yet. When you're carrying around hurt, there's apart of you that wants the other person to feel sorry for you. It's almost likea consolation prize. Somehow, you think their feelings of guilt will ease yoursuffering, but this isn't true.

So how do I forgive them?

I'll begin by saying, there’s nothing anyone can do to earn yourforgiveness. It's something that must be granted out of the goodness of yourheart. That's what grace and mercy is all about. It's giving away somethingthat someone doesn't deserve.

I know this is a hard lesson, but it is soimportant. God has good things in store for you, but you can neverpossess them until you heal. Remember this; you cease to live whenyou refuse to forgive.

I want you to know that forgiveness doesn't mean re-integrating someone intoyour life. If they betrayed you, or did you wrong, you can release theirdebt without opening yourself up to them in the same way. This is huge!If your best friend betrays you, even though you may forgive them, that doesn'tmean your relationship will be the same.

You have to use wisdom. Sometimes, you end up releasing the offense, as wellas the person. It has to be that way in some cases-- though not all.

Whatever the situation, just know, your destiny is so much greater than thisoffense. The sooner you let it go, the sooner you make room for increase inyour life.

Please know, what they did to you does not have to destroy you unlessyou let it. Instead of sulking and brooding over it, simply take it as a lessonlearned, and move beyond it with newfound wisdom and understanding.

Comments

Get Over It (Pt. II)

(Here is the much-anticipated continuation from yesterday ... Enjoy!)

Many folks claim to be "so over it" until the person that hurt them resurfaces.Can you relate? You think you're fine until you hear that person’s voice, orsee them face-to-face again. Then, you fly off the handle. You lose your cool.You get angry all over again. Everything they said and did wrong comes rushingback to your mind like a flood of angry seas. Before you know it, you'rereliving the moment when it all went down. Without warning, you blow your top!

Has anything remotely close to that ever occurred in your life?

Well, when you really and truly forgive someone, you can be civil without astruggle. I'll say that again... you can be civil without a struggle. You cantalk to them without wringing your hands together, clinching your fists andyour teeth. You can smile without having visions of popping them upside thehead... I'm talking about when you're really free.

I'll give you 3 ways to know you're really over your ordeal:

1. You don't feel the need to talk about it all the time-If you talkabout what they did all day, everyday, to whoever will listen, you aren't overit.

2. You hope they "get what they deserve" (And not in a good wayeither) If you're hoping that someone "hurts them the way they hurtyou," or if you're eagerly awaiting to hear of your offender's misfortune,you have not forgiven them. When you're really free, you don't want to see harmcome to them.

3. You want them to feel guilt about what they did-This is a big one.If you believe that you will feel better if they feel guilty, youhaven't forgiven them yet. When you're carrying around hurt, there's apart of you that wants the other person to feel sorry for you. It's almost likea consolation prize. Somehow, you think their feelings of guilt will ease yoursuffering, but this isn't true.

So how do I forgive them?

I'll begin by saying, there’s nothing anyone can do to earn yourforgiveness. It's something that must be granted out of the goodness of yourheart. That's what grace and mercy is all about. It's giving away somethingthat someone doesn't deserve.

I know this is a hard lesson, but it is soimportant. God has good things in store for you, but you can neverpossess them until you heal. Remember this; you cease to live whenyou refuse to forgive.

I want you to know that forgiveness doesn't mean re-integrating someone intoyour life. If they betrayed you, or did you wrong, you can release theirdebt without opening yourself up to them in the same way. This is huge!If your best friend betrays you, even though you may forgive them, that doesn'tmean your relationship will be the same.

You have to use wisdom. Sometimes, you end up releasing the offense, as wellas the person. It has to be that way in some cases-- though not all.

Whatever the situation, just know, your destiny is so much greater than thisoffense. The sooner you let it go, the sooner you make room for increase inyour life.

Please know, what they did to you does not have to destroy you unlessyou let it. Instead of sulking and brooding over it, simply take it as a lessonlearned, and move beyond it with newfound wisdom and understanding.