My friend’s new boyfriend is duping her big time!

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My friend’s new boyfriend is duping her big time!

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TNN

Created: Jan 8, 2019, 15:39 IST

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Query: Hi, my friend has been dating a guy since past five month. According to her, it is a very serious relationship and her partner wants to marry her. A few months ago, he resigned from his job and announced that he can no longer afford to spend money on their dates. My friend assumed he might be going through financial crises and started paying their restaurant and movie bills. Later, she confessed that she pays his mobile’s bill as well. Throughout all this, she kept on insisting how much he loves her and how he plans to marry her within a year. What bugged me the most was when he went to travel Ladakh on his own expenses (he was still jobless) while she was footing all his bills. I tried hinting her that she needs to be cautious and he might be duping her but I guess she is blind in love. What should I do? She is not a very close friend and hence, I cannot be blunt about this issue.-
By Anonymous

Response by Ms. Rachana Awatramani: Dating is when two people are romantically involved with each other and a relationship is when two people are committed to each other. Any relationship requires equal amount of investment from both the partners, investment not only of money and other materialistic things, but also of time and emotions.

I comprehend that your friend is dating since past five months and according to her, she is in a serious relationship. Whereas, you feel that the boy is duping her because he left his job and your friend has been paying his bills. You also stated that the boy went on a holiday trip and still your friend was paying his bills. I understand that you want to protect your friend as you can see that she is blindly trusting this boy, to whom she hardly knows. It can be a stressful situation for you as she is not a very close friend. Therefore, you don't think you can be blunt with her. However, I understand that you care for her and want her to be careful and not be cheated by someone.

Sometimes when a man commits about marriage to a woman, she starts feeling like a wife. She starts taking the responsibility of the man's house and other liabilities assuming that they are working towards one goal. However, in this case, your friend is still in a relationship and not married to him. You can sit with her and have a casual conversation about her relationship where you discuss about how she can create some boundaries in her relationship. You can also make her aware that she is not married to him and she is not liable to pay his bills. You can discuss the pros and cons of being in a relationship and also prepare her in case the relationship does not work out. You can guide her to meet a counsellor to understand her self-worth in the relationship.

As a friend, you can only show her the direction but the final decision would always be hers. I understand you might be feeling helpless but it is her life at the end of the day. You will only be able to show her the various outcomes and make her aware of her situation. She is the one who has to live with it and by making her aware you will be doing your best.

- Ms. Rachana Awatramani is a counselling psychologist in Mumbai

Want expert advice for your relationship? Send us a mail at expertadvice.toi@gmail.com

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