I gotta be honest, I gently “honk” my wife’s boobs with a big naughty boy grin and it works a treat. You have to actually say the word “honk” though. It’s vitally important to show no fear as you do it and have eye contact as well. Also it’s helpful if you make a lot of money.

The responses…

If I were your wife, you’d get slapped. You might get a warning first.

Call me crazy, but I suspect the “honk” technique ONLY works if you’ve got a lot of money and are not already married to her. After all, once she’s got community-property laws on her side, there’s no reason she needs to put up with the “honk” any longer. But if you’ve got gobs of money and the girl is a gold-digger, you can get away with anything. Heck, you can violate all the “wrong way” rules above and a greedy floozy will still take it with a grin. I’m just sayin’.

My immediate emotional reaction was this…

Okay really… I can get that you can think a soft honking of a boob is juvenile and that I’m an idiot for suggesting it. Guilty as charged baby, I don’t mind having a turn as the one being spanked. Grrrrowll….

And WOW, immediately throwing out community-property law as the all purpose I-own-your-balls-now smackdown?!?!?

Now before the hordes fly over to Passionate Christian Marriage to tell her off, I want you all to know that I think she’s sincerely looking to have a fun marriage and this is just where she’s at. We all have our threshold of discomfort. Please don’t fly over there and troll her. Seriously. Just don’t.

But let’s pretend that her husband actually makes the regrettable choice in honking her. I would imagine she probably wouldn’t slap him in real life, but I do imagine she’d be pissed off and react with a strong negative to it. Adding on his knowledge of community-property laws… how does he feel in the aftermath? I would imagine he wouldn’t make the same mistake twice. I also would imagine he would endeavour to never offend her about anything sexual again. He’d be a good little boy.

Which begs the question as to how you have a passionate marriage with a “good little boy?” The answer is simple, you don’t. Nor can you have a passionate marriage if you are a good little girl, you’re just too uptight to let go and enjoy yourself. A lot of the best married sex is absolutely not about manners, or being nice, or being sweet’n’gentle. Good fucking isn’t terrible politically correct either.

If you’ve been raised in church circles, you typically hear about two decades of “NO!” messages about sex, that’s a massive about of behavioral programming. So it should be no surprise whatsoever, that young Christian couples have one or both members emotionally struggling with letting go and turning their married sex life into a “YES!”

The only solution to that is to stop holding back on yourself and each other. You have to be willing to make mistakes and not shame the other for trying. Only about 30% of everything you try sexually as a couple will work, so you have to actively seek out new things and experiences together. See what works and what doesn’t. Maybe hair pulling works, maybe oral sex works, maybe light bondage works, maybe calling each other “dirty words” works… maybe none of that works. But you have to embrace that failure will happen over and over in your sex life together. Otherwise the only thing that works is clean sheets.

What I can say for sure though, is that the best sex possible isn’t about being good girls and boys. It’s about letting go of being a well socialized adult and yielding to the raw primal energy within you. It’s also about laughter and fun and being able to let your hair down with each other and embrace silliness, if only sometimes.

So I leave you with a challenge. I want you to slide up to your husband, and ask him to kiss you for a full ten seconds and then gently honk your breasts with a big naughty boy grin. What’s the worst that could happen?

You’re not a very nice guy Athol, although you never have pretended to be. So I suck at this marriage thing, that’s not news to me. My husband is an amazing lover and has a huge dick; he keeps me very satisfied,so I don’t need your approval and I don’t have to agree with you.

I have long been of the opinion that there is no difference between a husband hitting his wife, and a wife slapping her husband. Our culture has this meme that a woman slapping a man is a harmless, acceptable thing to do. It isn’t, and if you think it over honestly, you’ll see how wrong it is. Hitting is hitting. There is no excuse for hitting your spouse. If you would really hit your husband, Sis, over something as minor as a grab, then you need to take a step back and do some serious thinking.

Actually I’m not much of a slapper, but I have punched him a few times. I also used to bite when we were dating and I couldn’t get him to stop something, but now I give warning before biting. Hitting hardly does a thing to my big, strong, husband.
He knows how much I absolutely hate honking, I think we’ve been through this and I don’t remember what I did, but we’re still together.
As for community property laws, I’m not even sure what that means (who gets the house?) I don’t believe in divorce and would never threaten it.
@Athol and Jennifer, peace to you and your family, may you continue to bless the world with marriage advice, no hard feelings

Seems a silly debate. The ‘correct’ way to feel up my wife is entirely context dependent. Quick and playful or hot and heavy are very different. And yes, a playful honk will elicit a playful slap. Any man that can’t handle his wife swatting him in fun isn’t particularly Alpha is he? Women need to know their man can take a hit, laugh if off and go ahead and grab her again if he wants to, it’s a kind of fitness test.

I wonder if the impulse to add sound effects to body parts is a product of the video game generation? I can tell you that grabbing the belly and making the ‘wubada wubada’ sound is definitely a no-no!

One sure fire way i have to handle my threatening to slap me is to say something like, “oh i would LOVE that, that kind of stuff turns me on”, or “oh man i always wished you would do that, i’d cream my jeans”.
Needless to say the slap never happens.

Athol, I love your blog and forum, and generally agree with you on most things, but I think you’re wrong on this one. I hate when my husband ‘honks’. My breasts are super sensitive and it’s physically uncomfortable. I’ve asked him over and over not to do it. Complete turn-off, and honestly, it makes me mad at him. I don’t understand why he insists on doing it. I can’t imagine doing something to him that he’s told me he doesn’t like.

Possible analogy? If a man’s testicles are sensitive, and he doesn’t like them touched or squeezed, should a wife run up and squeeze them every time he’s naked in the shower?

I know from your writing that you have a great marriage, so maybe you can get away with it because Jen doesn’t mind it too much?

That being said, some of the comments on the other forum are over the top.

Reading the responses of some of the females here makes me wonder why any man has the desire to marry these days.

Anyway. I really like it when my husband playfully grabs or slaps any part of my anatomy, as long as it’s not in public. The “honking” thing is so silly, it makes me giggle every time. I’m just delighted he still feels playful about me and gets pleasure from my body.

Let me put it this way: My husband playfully spanks me on a daily basis because we both like it. He has no issue feeling me up and it’s a bangin’ good time.

And I still think “honking” would be a HUGE turn-off. It doesn’t say “playful” to me. It says “I’m still a 12 year old.” If my husband did that to me, I wouldn’t slap him, but I would probably look disgusted and say, “Please never do that again.”

I really like it when my husband playfully grabs or slaps any part of my anatomy, as long as it’s not in public.

One could add “or in front of the kids”. This seems to be a common sentiment, but I honestly don’t see the big deal about an ass grab/slap in public or in front of the kids. With so much wifely proscription, it’s no wonder no one seems to know what to do anymore.

@Ardee – Oy I said “gentle honk”… it’s not like I squeeze so hard milk shoots out. If touching Jennifer’s breasts was physically uncomfortable I wouldn’t touch them. I went about three years not touching her left breast because of her post-biopsy pain.

I honestly don’t see the big deal about an ass grab/slap in public or in front of the kids.

I dunno about kids, since we don’t have any yet, but I definitely don’t enjoy any ass-handling in public. I very much enjoy anything-goes with my husband in private, but I prefer to be modest in public.

With so much wifely proscription, it’s no wonder no one seems to know what to do anymore.

Irrespective of how confusing marriage protocol has become, I tend to doubt there was ever a time when it was considered okay for men to make immodest displays of their wives in public. Probably not much has changed in that regard.

@Athol You made me laugh. Yeah, and that’s what I figured. I knew you wouldn’t do something that would turn Jennifer off. So tomorrow can you do a post that tells husbands not to do things that turn their wives off. lol

I tend to doubt there was ever a time when it was considered okay for men to make immodest displays of their wives in public.

That probably depends on class and setting somewhat, but if you think none of that went on in the ‘old days’, you are probably idealising and romanticising the past, and “immodest displays” is an exaggeration.

You are confusing immodesty with indiscretion anyway. I’m not talking about obvious or prolonged groping here either, yet there is plenty you can get away with that, if unseen by others, is not immodest. Furthermore, a little public display signals ownership and his claiming of you. Why wouldn’t you want to be claimed and protected?

A man who is too uptight to even kiss in public just makes me feel as if they are ashamed of me or something. It is so much nicer to be publicly claimed; it is comforting.

If a woman is defiant and refuses to belong to (be owned by) a man, she should not expect that she has any claim to him protecting her and risking his life for her. She withheld the gift of herself so how can she demand that he give her the gift of himself?

This all boils down to refusal to submit and is similar to Lucifer’s statement, Non serviam.

The harsh response seems out of line to the honking action but seems to me when either partner tries something the other really doesn’t like (verbally or physically) the other one should cease and desist. There are sometimes reasons that involve pain or uneasiness mentally. If things are overall improving between husband and wife the playfulness and tolerance level might also improve. For example, I hate to be tickled and so any playfulness or sexy play around that would feel very bad to me. Other women would think it quite stimulating and playful. There is plenty else to fool around with so if a woman doesn’t like being honked ,find another way to play. Both people should find teasing and playfulness sexually amusing .
Regarding the comment that church training destroys playfulness and is suppressive I and other Christians that visit here may not have experienced this church scenario. My background was a very conservative church but very positive and frank toward the sexual side of marriage. Even better is the promotion of books and other guidance that is getting to the nitty gritty and directed at Christian couples. I make sure my adult children have this material before marriage and encourage them to be faithful but not prudish. The married ones seem very happy in every way. I do not consider a man or woman a bad boy or bad man or a woman a bad girl for having playful or robust sexual needs. They are just in deep frolic in the garden of love in whatever form they enjoy. This site is for their continuing education and often for those who have spouses unwilling to play sexy or anything else.

Proverbs 5:19:
19 Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.

See? The Big Guy wants you to get all up on your wife’s tits. If you are a woman and you are refusing your man access to the boobs, you’re going against what He wants.

Repent sinner and flop those things out and receive thy husband’s seed upon them, NOW! Lolz.

You broads are way too uptight. (Forgot, dames hate it when you call them broads, sorry.) Be glad he’s still honking your middle aged boobs.

I suspect the real source of the issue is that the wife has pretty much zero attraction for the husband at this point so the fact that he even dares to touch her without prior written approval and negotiation is what is really setting her off. It’s not the honking per se, it’s that she can’t stand his touch period. Plus she seems really cranky and uptight, but that’s like, just my opinion man.

As to the slapping and community property comment by the “lady” in the original post, yeah, that’s one hell of an advertisement for marriage but based on anecdotal accounts it seems to be the growing standard these days, and not to knock Churchians too much, (I used to be one) the attitude she displays seems particularly endemic to the hardcore Churchian type.

To the larger issue, and our usual Manosphere navel gazing and armchair philosophizing…

These days I believe that if you find a woman that you really love and that you want to stay with in as good a relationship as you can ‘fo-evah’, you should do the ‘wrong’ thing and refuse to marry her for both your sakes. That is unless you both are seriously traditionally religious and you just have to do it. Like Amish level religious.

Life without the imaginary net you were led to believe is waiting there to catch you post divorce.

… yet there is plenty you can get away with that, if unseen by others, is not immodest.

Why make a point of doing it in public if it’s unseen by others? I don’t object to hubby executing a quick grope in public if no one’s looking, which can be fun and cute. More than that, no.

Furthermore, a little public display signals ownership and his claiming of you. Why wouldn’t you want to be claimed and protected?

“Ownership” is a curious choice of word. In any case, my husband frequently touches me in public in a way that leaves no doubt about whether I’m claimed or who is submissive to whom. I like it that way. But I reject the premise that demonstrating this must include immodest displays of grabbing my private parts. There’s an element of exhibitionism there that I find unsettling; I also find it low class. Besides, it leaves little room for erotic tension. My husband has commented before that he likes how I’m a good girl in front of everyone else and a naughty girl just for him. If it’s all just one continuum of him groping me in public and private, that’s kind of boring.

The key here is the word Once. If you never try, you aren’t experimenting enough. If she doesn’t like it, more than once is bullying. If the idea of honking (or tickling, or licking earlobes, or bondage) really turns you on and your partner off, for land’s sake, talk about it! We’re adults, we can talk.

As far as non-erotic-play slapping, punching or biting, it’s abuse, whoever is dishing it out, no matter how big and strong the victim is.

Yeah, a little PDA can go a long way. I’m surprisingly old fashioned on this and I don’t go for the grabbing dicks, tits and va-jay-jays in public routine unless you’re skinny dipping or going for the ole outdoor bang “hope no one sees us behind these bushes, tee-hee, you’re so naughty honey” thing.

I see nothing wrong with an ass pat or squeeze when done discreetly and ostensibly no one is looking. It’s not like I’ll be trying to slip a finger in your bunghole or va-jay-jay. I’ll save that for when I’m driving and you’re riding next to me.

Movie Theaters – big gray area.

Honk or cop a feel once every 5 years? Really. Every half a DECADE, you get a free pass to honk? Lolz. Nope. Tits or GTFO. No seriously. Tits or GTFO.

But I reject the premise that demonstrating this must include immodest displays of grabbing my private parts. There’s an element of exhibitionism there that I find unsettling; I also find it low class.

Guess I’m low class then. lulz! We haz moar funz. Seriously though, where did I say it must include that?

No, you don’t. You think you do, but you’re missing out on something much more fun. As much as I deplore the show, there was actually one extremely insightful scene in the second Sex and the City movie. The broads are all in the Middle East, and the totally sexed-out one (Samantha?) is sitting in a restaurant with some European guy she’s all hot and bothered for. Because there are super-strict mores about public behavior, they can’t even touch each other. As the guy tells her, if they were in Spain, he’d already be down her shirt fondling her boob. But because he’s forbidden to touch women in public in the Middle East, he says he’s much more turned on there. It’s so much more erotic, because of what they can’t do. Besides the modesty aspect, this is precisely why I refuse to engage in public displays of sexuality with my husband. It creates a tension that is 10x more explosive once we get to the bedroom than if we let it diffuse out in public.

Seriously though, where did I say it must include that?

You implied it. Your comment, “Why wouldn’t you want to be claimed and protected?” in response to my objection suggests that without overt ass-grabbing in public, he doesn’t show that I’m “claimed and protected.” Your entire response to me was framed in the context of public — that is, seen by others — displays of ass-grabbing. If that wasn’t your intent, you didn’t make that clear.

It’s possible to do both, although your way sounds a bit contrived – artificially generating passion with a kind of Madonna/whore thing. You’re acting like I said it’s hot to go dogging or something, which isn’t what I meant at all, but never mind. This may be a matter of taste to some extent. I’ll hold off on planning my move to the Middle East based on an episode of Sex in the City though. Guess I’ll never know the thrill of being in control of a man’s sexuality so that the tension can increase ten fold.

@ZLX1: Honking tits is the Christian thing to do. To wit:
Proverbs 5:19:
19 Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.

I disagree with your exegesis. Yahweh is clearly referring here to titty-fucking.

I second hating being “honked.” My boobs are too sensitive, and it reminds me of a horrible creepy guy from high school who used to do that to girls in an unauthorized way (and who got punched in the face by me for his trouble).

On the other hand, for every 1 thing I don’t like, I can think of 25 suggestions for things I DO like!

The response to Athol’s original comment was rather harsh, but if the goal is to have a fun, hot, frequent sex life that both the husband and wife enjoy, then each spouse needs to do things that “work” for the other. If a husband is doing the honk thing and his wife hates it, that doesn’t contribute to his goal. Same thing if the wife is doing something that the husband hates. I think that the key phrase in Athol’s comment is “it works a treat.” So Jennifer likes it, and it’s probably just part of the “goofy and groping” thing that clearly works well for him.

Is it you or your husband that limits friskiness to once you get to the bedroom?

Neither. It’s our minister. He made us promise to only do it once a month, in the bedroom, using the missionary position, with the covers pulled up and the lights off. He sometimes comes over to check up on us and make sure we’re not enjoying any “bizarre” sex that involves unusual locations and positions. Even still, this one time when I’d had a couple of sips of wine and was feeling extremely uninhibited, I said a bad word during our once-a-month sex … but we both felt very ashamed afterwards and I never did it again. (Also, I assumed most people understood “bedroom” to be a euphemism for “any place where people get it on.”)

No wonder Rollo says that Western women are infantilized. @Sus: punching and biting? Are you serious? Of course your answer will probably change depending on how much heat you expect to get. Sadly i am starting to agree with Roosh’s nearly wholesale rejection of western women in his latest post. If a woman wants a man she will do anything for him. If you dont like your HUSBAND touching your(his) breasts then you obviously arent that attracted to him and if you are biting, punching, slapping, or even bitching at your husband for grabbing your breasts, then you obviosly dont respect him. Sounds like some of these couples could use MMSL! Oh wait. . .

Come on feminists, here is your chance. New laws. Have husbands sued for sexual harassment for unwanted touching and leering at their wives. You can declare the marital home a hostile work environment.

American women are insane.

And if it was really a man who said that, he deserves to be named Mangina of the Month.

“There’s an element of exhibitionism there that I find unsettling”
Yes I agree .

I think that when a relationship is in its infancy, or the couple are teenagers, there is the tendency to show off a bit. My own 16 year old daughter is greeted with a big affectionate hug from her boyfriend every morning in front of their school. They are smitten with one another.. Nobody bats an eyelid. Teenagers in love. Lol
Now if it were me and her father (part of the over 40 crowd) engaging in such stuff she(and her friends) would cringe with embarrassment.

I don’t think that solid married couples who have been married for some years need some kind of public affirmation of their relationship through overt physical displays. Having said that though, there is nothing wrong with holding hands, smiling and laughing together. Whispering a few suggestive things in his ear, that no one else is privy to.

“My husband has commented before that he likes how I’m a good girl in front of everyone else and a naughty girl just for him. If it’s all just one continuum of him groping me in public and private, that’s kind of boring.”

Exactly, AA.

And I like how my husband, whilst polite in public and friendly to all, has a side to him that is never seen by other women, and that is especially reserved for me when we are in private.
That no others know just how sexy and smouldering he is, except me is a huge turn on for me.

Wait a dude said that community property stuff? Whoah. That is definitely He-Bitch of the year nomination material. Man or woman though, the person who spewed that trash sounds like quite a party pooper.

Biblical modesty is as least as much about the lack of adornment as it is about clothing. Women bragging about what great lovers their husbands are – or even how supplicating their husbands are – and showing off their engagement rings (adornments) are being immodest. But it seems that form of immodesty is acceptable and above criticism, whereas a man playfully smacking his wife’s ass in public is a crime against humanity. Interesting.

One can be totally nude and still be modest; dressing up in jewels and war paint is exactly what Biblical modesty does not include.

Funny you bring this up CL…a woman I’m seeing recently described herself as “modest,” to which I said “no – you’re discreet.” She’s certainly not modest with me and only me; and “discreet” describes a woman who is sexy but keeps it for the right context.

To be honest, I don’t like having my breasts touched. I would not slap a man for doing it, but politely tell him that there are other areas of my body that will get him a much more positive reaction. Merci.

One of my fondest memories of my grandfather (who has been dead for 15years) is him coming in from outside and grabbing Grandma’s boob and shaking it a bit and saying “how’s mother?” and kissing her on the cheek! (he then continued on to do whatever it was he was doing)
She grinned like a school girl and blushed! my 70year old grandmother!
I was about 12. I thought it was crude, and from my understanding a bit offensive perhaps. Now, after taking the red pill, I understand that he was a very Alpha husband… Strong, a leader, confident, a hunter and fisherman, loved to work with his hands and was usually the AMOG. They were in love and had a very strong 45year marriage. So, apparently it works. My grandmother was strong and especially progressive, so it it hadn’t worked for her, I am sure she would have fixed it or stopped it.

I wouldn’t slap him if he went honk while touching my breasts, but I would find it a bit of a turn off. i am not really keen on him behaving like a rather crass adolescent. I have no problem with him fondling my breasts, bum, or anything else, but on the whole I prefer him to not act like a schoolboy while doing so. I would not say anything, but I would be thinking he was a bit of a plonker.

I don’t know which is funnier, those who are shocked at the honking, or at the slapping. I can’t recall using the word “honk” but I will absolutely go for a squeeze when the moment is right for playing. My wife usually responds by swinging the most convenient foot or fist in my direction. Unless I dodge quick, I’ll end up with bruises. We play rough.

A feminist would be one to see the honk as a negative thing.. Quoting property and promising a good slap is just as demeaning to the male. Why do we have the right to strike our husband over that? If you do a role reversal and she did something he didn’t like and he slapped her around, clearly it would be abusive.

Just saying. It’s a respect thing for sure with a woman’s breasts but sometimes you have to slack up a bit and realize he’s awkwardly connecting with you :s. If you do get slapped and the sexual gesture is missed, you must be bad in the sack :)-