Friday, February 24, 2012

For the last three months or so I have really enjoyed my time as
'Single in the City'. I celebrated the
holidays with family and friends, rang in the new year with some of my favorite
gal pals, and work has been non-stop. Then
I met an old friend for dinner in the middle of January and something
sparked. We decided to step out of the
'friendship zone' and gradually explore the world of dating. It's all harmless enough in the beginning --
texting, calling, first dates. And then
about a month in to the whole thing I started to find myself becoming critical and
brooding. For those that know me they
will find this to be of little surprise.
I am an analyst by nature -- and I'm good at it. I excel in my profession for my attention to
detail and analytical reporting. But
this skill set doesn't translate as well into my personal life. I end up reviewing all of the details and
trying to ascertain a conclusion -- when in reality dating is about 'feeling it
out' and simply following your heart and intuition.

This past week I paid a visit to my Life Coach and, after months of
coming in feeling balanced and at peace, I arrived on shaky ground with
questions and comments all related to this latest chapter in dating. The first part of our meeting was focused on
my description of the course traveled thus far and then questions or requests
for insight on how to navigate from this point forward in order to understand
where things stand while also protecting my heart. She looked at me and said exactly what I
needed to hear in order to realize that I was missing the entire point: "Two people come together in a
relationship each bringing their 50% to contribute. You are so focused on how the other person is
perceiving what you have to offer that you aren't looking at all at the
50% that they are supposed to be presenting to you!"

It is so easy to get caught up in the lifestyle of pleasing others and
seeking approval. I am guilty of this
constantly. But my Life Coach presented
a very important reminder to help turn my perspective on its heels -- I have
every right, and need, to judge what others are offering me and if it is up to
the standards that I have set for my life.
Relationships are about give and take, but this transaction is not
intended to occur with blind faith. We
must give with intention and receive with eyes wide open. I walked out of her office with new clarity
and confidence and my prayers that night did not focus on having the world
accept what I have to offer, bur rather, an affirmation describing what I seek
in life and what I expect from others.
Most importantly, because we deserve to not have to settle for anything
less.

THE CHALLENGE DAY 16

Physical

We have spent the first half of this challenge focusing on our own
bodies and appearance. Do you place the
same expectations on the lovers in your life?
If not, then you should! Eat
right. Exercise often. And take pride in your physical
appearance. But don't forget, expect
others to rise to the challenge as well!

Spiritual

It is so easy to fret and worry about whether or not we are pleasing to
those we seek approval from every day.
Take a step back and re-center your thoughts. What do YOU expect from others? Are you getting it? Or are you settling for less? If you have a tendency to 'settle' then write
down the character elements and actions that you desire in a supportive partner
and read that list over whenever you need the friendly reminder.

Personal

"It's very tempting when you really want to be with someone to
settle for much, much less -- even a vague pathetic facsimile of less -- than
you would have ever imagined. Remember always what you set out to get and
please don't settle for less. These guys exist because there are a lot of
women out there who allow them to."
-- He's Just Not That Into You

Monday, February 20, 2012

This past week brought about a holiday that evokes a whole host of emotions from people:Valentine’s Day (also known as Single’s Awareness Day – S.A.D.).It is a horrible/wonderful/loving/lonely/despised/cheerful/over hyped/fun day to celebrate those we love.The week started with conversations of people asking “what are your plans?” And then the transition to “how did it go?” Followed by the usual remark (by singles and couples alike) “Don’t you just hate this overrated Hallmark holiday?”

Ok, I am going to play Devil’s advocate and keep reading to hear me out for just a moment.The intent of Valentine’s Day is to set aside, officially on the calendar, time to spend with loved ones and formulate a gesture to show them your love and gratitude.Is this so terrible?Is this really the worst idea in the world propelled by the flower and chocolate companies to make a quick buck post Christmas?I would argue NO, it isn’t.

A common theme in my writing and in my own personal thoughts is to live a life filled with intention.Valentine’s Day does call attention to love, but it doesn’t have to always be a romantic kind of love.It can be a day that we intentionally celebrate family, friends, or a coworker that has brought a smile to our face.If you spent Valentine’s Day with a scowl on your face and cursing every flower truck that drove by you because you were so focused on the fact that it probably wasn’t heading to your home of office as a result of an absent S.O. or forgetful husband then today’s challenge is just for you:dedicate a day this week to expelling time, energy, and maybe even a little money on those that fill your life with love and support.You might find out that they are eager to return the favor – and might have even offered to be your Valentine!I know that, for me, my go to Valentine will always be my mother and father.Everyone else is just icing on the cake.

The Challenge – Day 15

Physical

Show your body some love – it is your temple and your responsibility to keep it healthy.Exercise, eat healthy, and drink plenty of water.Calendaring that time never hurts.Especially since we can all use a little reminder to set aside time for the things that matter.

Spiritual

The World uses plenty of media influence to get us to focus on us alone.We focus on what we do and don’t have and if those that we depend upon are actually living up to those set expectations.Stop.Take a deep breath.And look out to the world around you and stop looking inward – for just a moment.Focus your mind on the blessings, love, and basic needs that are present in your life.

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them." – John F. Kennedy

Personal

I’m entirely serious about the Valentine’s Day Challenge.If you spent the holiday with some disdain, or even if you didn’t, give it a ‘mulligan’ – in other words another shot.I challenge you to put on your Outlook or iCalendar ‘Day of Love’ for some day in the week ahead and reach out to those who mean the most with a random act of kindness.Silly as it may sound, I think that something warm and loving will fill you from the inside out.

Monday, February 13, 2012

I
was out and about on Saturday afternoon when I got a call from my girlfriends
that the plan for the night was to head over to our favorite Mexican food
restaurant around 5:30 to indulge in some Skinny Margaritas. 5:30?!
What is this? The early bird
special? On a Saturday night? So I head home to begin my 'primping' session
and pour myself a glass of Pinot Grigio.
It was a gorgeous Saturday afternoon and the thought of relaxing with
friends and starting the night early (and hopefully ending it early) suddenly
became very appealing. I have gotten
into the habit of listening to Z100 on my 'I Heart Radio' app on my iPad on the
weekends because it is based out of NYC and they have a great party soundtrack
applicable to those that are a few hours ahead of me. I was in high spirits as I applied eye liner,
sipped my vino, and listened to the latest beats by Rihanna and Jay-Z.

Then
the news came across the airwaves and changed the entire tone of the
evening. Unless you have been living
under a rock for the few two days then you probably know exactly what I am
talking about -- the sudden passing of Whitney Houston. The DJ on Z100 was very somber in announcing
that the pop icon of an entire generation had passed at far too young an age of
48 years old. My heart sank more in that moment then when I had learned of
Michael Jackson's death. Whitney represented a period in my life that was full
of joy, excitement, and innocence. I was
in 5th grade when I got my first boombox from Santa and the first CD to play in
it was The Body Guard Soundtrack. I played those Whitney songs over and over
and over again. I would dance around my room with my girlfriends, put on our
fancy dresses, and play with mom's lipstick as if we were actually about to head
out on the town and go 'dance with somebody'.

The
obvious topic of conversation at our margarita night was discussing the sudden
loss of a treasured icon. She had her
struggles and story of substance abuse, but when we were kids that wasn't what
defined Whitney. Her long list of hits
inspired us to dream big and look bright-eyed towards our future. The tone at our table transitioned from
mournful to nostalgic and then celebratory.
We all reminisced on what her songs had meant to us -- when and where we
played them and who we danced with at the time.
After all, her peak was the beginning of teenage-hood for me and most of
my friends. The common thread through
all the stories was that they were joyful moments spent celebrating life.

I
love to dream big, work hard, and look towards the future. BUT -- there is a lot to be said for tapping
into the vault of joyful childhood memories.
We don't have to experience life and take the stance to 'never look
back'. Instead, I say, look back with
fondness on some of the times that you found the most enjoyable or exciting. You might actually find your own childhood to
be the most inspiring affection of your day.
Take that, Dr. Phil.

THE
CHALLENGE - DAY 14

Physical

Do
you remember complaining about exercise as a kid? Most likely, not. Most kids are so eager to get outside and
'play'. Think of what kind of physical exercise
could be playful and you might actually find it to be a great workout too. Jump rope anyone?

Spiritual

What
memories from your childhood or young adulthood could you associate with what
defines your own personal foundation -- your center of gravity? Acknowledge the people and moments the
contributed to your own character formation.

One looks
back with appreciation to the brilliant teachers, but with gratitude to those
who touched our human feelings. The curriculum is so much necessary raw
material, but warmth is the vital element for the growing plant and for the
soul of the child. -- Carl Jung

Personal

I would think it is safe to assume that there are
at least a handful of teachers and loved ones that contributed to your 'vault'
of fond childhood memories. How are you
doing in 'paying it forward'? Are you
giving time and energy to the future leaders of our communities and
country?

Tips &
Reminders: It's cold & flu season!Drink lots of water and take your
vitamins.You don't want to catch your
neighbor's germs.Also, try to laugh at
least once a day.Those endorphins can
really work some magic.

Monday, February 6, 2012

I recently returned from spending nearly a full week visiting
friends and loved ones in New York City. I booked the plane ticket simply
because Southwest Airlines was having a sale (50% off!) and it had been years
since I last spent time in the Northeast. I had many friends living in
The City and the comments over the years of "You should come
visit....okay, one day I will come out to see you..." seemed trite until real
action was taken. So I did it. I booked the ticket. No plans
in place at the time of purchase, just the hope and excitement of getting out
of my comfort zone, as defined by the California border lines and perpetual
sunshine, to spend time with those I typically only communicate with via email
or the occasional phone call.

The six day trip
ended up being jam packed with plenty of lunch dates, happy hours, dinners, and
nights out on the town. It was such a joy to catch up with these friends in
person and to see in real life the people and places that now occupy their
lives -- whereas I had previously only known of them through Facebook postings.
'Keeping in Touch' is one thing, but spending time with an old friend in
their new life is a whole different level of bonding. I was so happy to
have the opportunity and I truly recommend booking the plane ticket or making the
drive to visit (in person!) those that represent some of the most significant
relationships in your life.

So you might be
wondering...where exactly is she going with this? Towards the end of my
trip it dawned on me that I had spent the week learning about the lives that my
friends had established for themselves in this bright lights city that never
sleeps. They had new careers, fiancés, degree programs, and killer wardrobes.
Essentially, they were in the midst of writing the next chapter in their book
called Life. I was packing to head home and in my reflections on the trip
I also personally reflected on the notion of 'What is the story that I am
writing for my life right now?'

I hadn't really
stopped to think about how I wanted to shape my current chapter (probably to be
titled 'The Roaring 20's'). I immediately got excited at the notion and was
eager to return home to continue 'writing' my own personal story with hope that
those who come to visit me in my city will enjoy and appreciate my book of life
as much as I've enjoyed getting a deeper understanding of friends through
seeing them live out their stories.

Today's Challenge: Life is a blend of what happens to you and how you react to
it -- with much more power and opportunity lying in the 'reaction'. Consciously reflect on the chapter that you
are currently writing in your book called Life and decide if you are happy with
the person you are becoming or if any adjustments or growth is to be a priority
for the year ahead.

THE
CHALLENGE DAY 13

Physical

Continue to be
strong and dedicated to your physical health.
It plays a great deal into your story as it contributes to energy levels
and self esteem. We are not to obsess
about our looks, but we should be committed to a healthy lifestyle in which we
can maintain high self esteem about how we physically present ourselves. Your challenge, every week, is to make the time.

Spiritual

Our stories in the
book of Life are a blend of what the world brings into our lives through no
decision made by us, but also how we react to those events and also how we
proactively seek out what we do want in life.
We need to see life with clear eyes and a calm heart so that we can
react to it with the best version of ourselves.
Come back to your 'Center of Gravity' -- those elements that define who
you are and be at peace with it. You
will be much more prepared for ride of life.

“Life
is 10% of what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it.” - John
Maxwell

Personal

We can't take life
on by ourselves -- we need to fill our lives with family and friends. When was the last time that you reached out
to a good friend to simply say hello, inquire about their life, and invest some
of that personal time and energy? Reach
out. You won't regret it.