If you’re a UFC fan who doesn’t live in a densely-populated urban area with multiple sports-bar options within walking distance, chances are you’ve spent some time in a Buffalo Wild Wings, since it’s one of the only chain restaurants that reliably shows UFC events. The food is almost beside the point, though BWW is known for its wings (obviously) and the 16 signature sauces you can put on them.

So as a tribute to everyone who’s ever waited an hour-and-a-half for a table at B-Dubs because you’re too cheap to order a pay-per-view at home, I humbly present one of the dumbest list ideas I’ve ever come up with. Ladies and gentlemen, here are the 16 Buffalo Wild Wings wing sauces and their UFC fighter equivalents. Just be grateful I didn’t arrange this in slideshow format.

Parmesan GarlicBWW description: “Roasted garlic and Parmesan sauce with Italian herbs.”UFC fighter equivalent: Safe, dependable, classic, Italian…definitely Frankie Edgar. Huh. This list is turning out to be way more racist than I was planning. Stop now if this sort of thing makes you uncomfortable, because it’s only going to get worse from here.

MediumBWW description: “Classic wing sauce: Comfortably hot.”UFC fighter equivalent: Medium sauce is for people who aren’t total pussies, but aren’t particularly brave either. It’s middle of the road. Popular by default. You order it when you don’t know what else to order — just like UFC fighters call out Michael Bisping when they don’t know who else to call out. Medium sauce is the perennial contender/gatekeeper of sauces.

Honey BBQBWW description: “A sweet, sassy sauce: Savor the flavor.”UFC fighter equivalent:Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone, of course. Like a sweet/savory sauce, he’s versatile — a threat on the feet and on the ground — and there’s nothing abrasive about him. Cerrone is just a good-time, go-down-smooth kind of fighter.

HotBWW description: “Classic wing sauce: Delicious flavor, exhilarating heat.”UFC fighter equivalent: This is a no-brainer — Ronda Rousey, who’s a killer in the cage, and has the prickly personality to match. Plus she’s, you know, hot.

Mango Habanero™BWW description: “Feel the burn, savor the sweet: Two sensations, one sauce”UFC fighter equivalent: I once ordered this sauce in a moment of drunken confusion, and I can honestly say it was the hottest thing I’ve ever ingested — and the morning-after ring of fire situation was just brutal. Eating wings with Mango Habanero sauce is a test of will that you can’t possibly win. It is Matt Brown.

Blazin’®BWW description: “Keep away from your eyes, pets, children: The hottest sauce we got. You’d BETTER-BE-READY BLAZIN’™”UFC fighter equivalent: Well, it’s the most dangerous sauce on the menu, and you’re supposed to keep it away from your eyes. I think this one goes without saying…