You try to help an old lady cross the road, and she looks at you harshly and says, "So I look old to you?" You tell that special someone that you love her, and she tells you that she's actually enjoying the company of your best friend.

You see, according to the Daily Mail, the agency's large weather brains decided to invest in an even larger IBM brain in order to accurately predict gaseous happenings of climate change.

I have no reason to believe these miserable wet people are from the Department of Communities and Local Government.
CC Stevie-B/Flickr

This metal mastermind can make a quadrillion calculations in the time in takes you to utter a consonant. In the technical world, this is "petaflop" performance. But it might as well have been a Fosbury Flop to some buzz killers.

For along came some bureaucrats from the Department of Communities and Local Government, declaring that the incredibly intelligent hulk is one of the worst polluters in the United Kingdom. For some reason, they were looking at the emissions in all of the nation's public edifices.

All right, so the climate-calculating colossus produces about 75 percent of its own carbon footprint. I fancy that there are several members of Parliament who may do the same. And the supercomputer really can see into the future, whereas some members may not be able to see much beyond lunch.

The beautifully named Barry Grommett from the Met Office told the Mail: "We would be throwing ourselves back into the Dark Ages of weather forecasting, if we withdrew our reliance on supercomputing. It's as simple as that."

Quite. The U.K. bureaucrats have done so much in their attempt to return to the Dark Ages (before climate change?) that the weather men must make a stand.