Monday, March 3, 2008

Hello and my name is Sassy. I’m a SUBURBAN mom of two Things. I’m also a single MILF and not afraid to over share. Sometimes you get suburban, sometimes you get MILF, and sometimes you get a crazy cross between the two. If you don’t like the topic of the day, move on and check back tomorrow. This is my house and I’ll decorate it any way I want.

Recently I’ve made some changes in the way I operate. I have always been a pleaser. I want everyone to be happy and I’d do anything to avoid conflict. Not so much any more. I can’t say I’m incapable of bullshit but I’m highly intolerant of it. This attitude was tested greatly over the past few days. In addition to all the drama that I was actively involved in, I was knee deep in a love triangle without any of the hot and heavy benefits. Damn I’m exhausted today. Want a recap? Too bad, you’re getting one anyway. I need to purge all these thoughts and I don’t get to see my shrink for another 2 weeks.

Recently, I discovered that the Ex was the odd leg of a love triangle - with people that I am dear friends with. I got pulled into the middle and was being asked for advice by all three of them. Can I get a collective WTF??? Finally, after hating all the drama and trying to avoid all the landmines I could set off, I decided that it was time to apply the no-bullshit rule. To her I said “Piss or get off the pot woman!” or something like that. To the hubby-dude I was able to say something that I always wished someone had said to the Ex. “Fight for her or you’ve already lost her.” To the girl and the hubby-dude I explained that while we have been friends forever I did not want to get in the middle of something that could leave the Ex hurt. “So, leave me the hell alone now please, kk, thanks.” What I said to the Ex was much more complicated. You see, the whole situation he found himself in was exactly the same as what I put him through more than once. While he and I didn’t actually make it, the outcome was never good for the other man either. This time he was the other man and I wanted desperately for him to really look at the situation. This whole mess gave us a chance to talk about some really really difficult things that went on in our marriage without any kind of blame. We talked about what I did and didn’t do. We talked about what he did and didn’t do. All of this in the context of the crazy love triangle he was in, aided by an ass ton of alcohol. I think we both came out of it with a deeper understanding of how easy it is to fuck things up (and a wicked hang over). We also realized that when it comes to this whole dating drama thing we are each other’s biggest fan. Very cool stuff. I’m no longer in the triangle; I’m just propping up the Ex’s side.

Of course, I’m never one to be outdone. I had my own drama this weekend. The man I was officially seeing (the one I haven't told you about because... well... because I really like him.) freaked the fuck out. Long distance and child custody complications, it sucks. In the end we agreed to keep seeing each other but that we could see other people. There were boundaries and ground rules established – something along the lines of “No dipping your willy in other women’s ink well.” Shortly after this conversation I got a call from a man I was dating a while ago. I had stopped talking to him because we never seemed to be able to connect. He was always busy and cancelling on me. I thought that he was fitting me in around all his better options. Turns out that was NOT the case. Now, I’m subject to the willy-dipping rule as well. Surprisingly it's not the easiest rule in the world to follow. But follow it I did/will. Then I had to explain to the first boy that the bruises and bite marks on my shoulders did not involve willy-dipping (or even a guy). *sigh* That was not a pretty conversation. Suddenly he didn’t like the whole idea of seeing other people. What the hell???

As a side note: I had a bachelorette party this weekend where there may or may not have been some hot drunk girl on girl action. She’s engaged and not into chicks but add some alcohol and WOW! It has been established that that totally doesn’t count towards the willy-dipping rule.

5 comments:

First of all, let me tell you that you're now my hero and I totally admire your ability to have potential willie dipping and/or doughnut glazing with three people! At the same time! Although probably not at exactly the same time, which might be construed as either tacky or just not very suburban.

So let's hear more about the shoulder biting guy. Besides strong teeth, what are his qualifications for dating our daughter...err...our BlogPal?

You be careful with the girls, okay? Girls are deadly. Consider your own inner turmoil, PMS and angst. Now apply it to everyone in your relationship. it can be challenging. Good luck with your juggling.

I don't think I'm quite ready for Maury. None of us are related or confused about who the father is...And I have to tell ya folks, it may be exciting (and it is) but I was enjoying some non-drama exciting before and I liked it much more.As for boy #2...

About Me

Walking through my days with dignity(ha!), grace(hahaha!) and a raunchy sense of humor. I'm fabulously sassy with a dash of outrageous. Not quite a Mommy Blog and not quite a sex site, I'm just trying to figure out how the hell you do this "LIFE" thing with NO DAMN INSTRUCTION BOOK!