Discussion Between Two People To Determine If World Blows Up

According to reports, a discussion between two humans this evening will determine whether the species is destroyed in a nuclear explosion or continues to exist.

“I am very excited to debate Hillary Clinton tonight,” said one of the humans, evidently unaware of the enormous ramifications that such a conversation could have.

“It’s going to be a lot of fun,” he added.

While the other candidate could not be reached, her office sent us the following statement that may have been sent to the wrong address:

***TOP SECRET/CLASSIFIED***

Dear Sheikh Tamim,

Oh you little prick. Really? I have to wake up to a phone call from the foundation this morning saying it’s been three months and they’re still waiting for your check? Now I have to write you this fucking email?

Do you want me to come to Qatar and take back those weapons personally? Because I swear to god I’ll do it. I’ll come over there and slap you in the face, then I’ll have my people start a coup. You’ll be dead by morning you sniveling little liar.