I’m Tired. And I Just Wanna Lie Down

Although…I do own this great floppy beach hat. Never worn it though. Not once.

No, I’m just tired. Tired of winter during month 1. Tired of depression, tired of rejection, tired of waking up to the same Groundhog Day over and over.

I’m tired of that feeling in the pit of my stomach. Tired of feeling my family doesn’t appreciate me. Tired of having little to no relationship with extended family. It feels empty.

I’m tired of Kathie Lee and Hoda. I should change the channel, but I’m tired of Rachael Ray. Kathie Lee just told us to “accept things in life”. Good natured wisdom from the rich, famous, and successful. Shut up, Kathie Lee. I’m tired of you.

I’m tired of the John Travolta thing. Adele Dazeem has had her 15 minutes. It is currently Wednesday. Let It Go.

I’m tired of menopause and it just started.

I’m tired of the Facebook places I’m not going to, things I’m not doing, life I’m not living, achievements I’m not achieving. I know we are mostly treated to the good stuff over the less than stellar. But enough of the humble brags already. I’m happy for everyone who goes to Barbados, climbs Mt. Everest for Breast Cancer Awareness and wins the Nobel Peace Prize for literature while making it with Johnny Depp on a private beach. You’re all fabulous! But let’s be honest about the fact that y’all want to impress the hell outta everybody. We all have a burning desire to be important, to know important people, to be a pulsing, vibrant, relevant part of society. I get it. Me too. But I’m kinda Larry David about it. I’d rather cancel my golf date so the guy in the wheel chair next to me doesn’t feel bad he can’t go golfing. I’m weird.

I’m tired of how people put each other on pedestals. We’re all human. Some of us have been fortunate enough to have their talents recognized. Some haven’t. But we all eat, sleep and shit. Government officials like the President of the United States are truly important for obvious reasons, but why do we put ourselves in the position of worshipping and kissing up to others? Why is importance so important in our society? Let’s celebrate the ordinary people just living their lives, for a change and stop condescendingly referring to them/us as “real people” as if the achievers were super human. I’m tired of that. Why are we so afraid of not being famous for 15 minutes? If you have the answer, please tell me, because I’d like to know for myself.

I know. The pedestal is all about association with the successful and positioning ourselves to be where the anointed ones are eventually. I’m tired of that. Aren’t you? Wouldn’t it be great if we all treated each other as though we were all important? Because we are. We all have talents and characteristics that are of value that make us worthy. That way, if we do value someone who is more successful than we are, everyone knows it comes from a genuine place and not of trying to better ourselves. The whole hero worship, quest for importance thing will continue, but I can dream, can’t I?

I’m a realist who’s spent my entire adult life pursuing artistic endeavors: theater, music, photography, writing, with varied levels of success. What I’ve gleaned from my experiences is that it’s never easy and nothing worth doing is, but realistically, it is a combination of who you know, hard work, luck, and being in the right place at the right time.

So, as lovely and inspirational as an Oscar speech from a young first time movie star/Oscar winner is, “whoever you are, wherever you come from…dreams really cancome true!”, remember that those speeches come from the 1% of those with a success story. Those who went to Yale Drama School, and were lucky enough to beat out 1,000 other talented candidates because they met very specific criteria. The Disney version of “dreams can come true…it can happen to you” is lovely, but let’s be honest with ourselves. I know that sounds cynical. Because it is cynical. And I know the actor who was nominated for a Best Supporting Actor Oscar at this year’s Academy Awards was a cab driver before he was plucked from obscurity. So I guess I need to do some research on the stats of how often that happens vs. the former scenario. But I think we know the answer.

Oh, you’ll call me cranky, call me cynical, call me sour grapes. But you’ll never call me late for lunch. Instead, just think about it for a minute. I’d like to turn the sour grapes into a fine wine rather than a fine whine.

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I’m tired of having just enough money to get by. I’m tired of giving speeches to my teenager and watching her clueless eyes glass over and wait for me to shut the f up. I’m tired of car trouble and the door knob that needs to be replaced on the back porch and the dog’s bad breath that will finally be fixed, maybe, with a teeth cleaning on Thursday. I’m tired of the kids missing so much school due to weather or being sick that they bring home more homework than the night allows time for it to be done. At least the latest project from my youngest daughter is about FDR. I will kill that. Dead. Can’t wait.

I’m sorry if I’ve burdened you with Lefty Pop stuff or being a friend too hard or whatever. Just know your buddy in Georgia is sicks and tired too and you aren’t alone.

What a great post. I hear every word you’te saying, and Lance too. Tired of the laptop held togeher with duck tape that the Girl rebooted 3 times for one essay, the appliances on the fritz, the junk car I can’t get rid of cause I still owe money on it, the endless assaults on public employees who traded wages for the secuirty of benefits and pensions ad now are leeches because they have benefits and pensions; and really tired of the overall meanspiritedness of the world just now. I keep hoping for that stroke of luck, but meanwhile we all keep slogging on, cause what else is there to do? And we’ll see what we can do about crafting that fine wine.

Yes to all of this, well except menopause – not there yet but dear lord help me when I am. Can I be tired of the bullshit that comes with having a kid that is not the same as other kids – cause that shit is exhausting. I am exhausted having to explain to him, to others, to myself that this is our world, this is what we are. God I need a nap now too.

Yeah, of course you can. We’ve all got stuff to be tired of and I’m just opening up the dialogue here. By all means, I want everyone to know that hey can come here and VENT! Let’s all take a nap. And then, wine for everyone! xo

omg Molley yes! If it wasn’t a snow day, this winter has also been sick day central for so many people. Ack! Yeah, I think we all needed a vent post. I’m glad it was good for you. It was good for me. Got a cigarette?

(one thought): look for all the secret places people uck the lief force out of you (hint: mostly people you don’t know and will never meet). I have long been of the opinion that 99% of the public world that we interface with on a daily basis (the media, for lack of a better term), has one aim: stimulate the audience to respond. Whether it is a Super Storm (which was sorta last year’s Polar Vortex…) or it is some celebrities difficult life, on the surface it seems to be harmless voyeurism, ‘oh what are they up to now?’ but when you take notice what percentage of your waking day you are being bombarded by this message of fear and titillation (no! not the good titillation the bad kind) you will notice that it is most of your day (my day, everyone’s day).
Disconnect. From the news shouters, from the hollywood repairers, the Weather Czars…all of them, everywhere (on TV, on your computer, in the newspaper, standing in line at the Dunkin Donuts)… after a while you will feel like you have more energy, because the fact is, you have not let the culture steal it from you.

btw: simple as this plan sounds, wait until you try to quit lol not quite as easy as it should be.

Man oh man, do I get what you’re saying Clark. The thing is – don’t we isolate ourselves when we attempt that? How does one successfully disengage from so much of the media and/or public, especially during a winter when we’re stuck indoors, or if we’re SAHMs? I find that even when I try to seek out areas of the media that are not usually celebrity driven, celebrities infiltrate it anyway. And when I clean house online and take all of the toxic aspects away, they creep in. Not to disagree with you, because I think that’s totally where it’s at, but it’s a little like The Godfather: they pull you back iiiinnn…. lol I do try to rinse the “toxins” out of my life system from time to time so to speak though. Life’s too short to deal with all that bullshit, ya know?

I know exactly what you mean…and even if you did not catch that aspect, I guarantee that once people found out what you are up to they’ll be all over the ‘but you can’t cut yourself off, you need to stay informed’… I will suggest you try a weekend where you ‘just don’t look’ at anything that is sensationalism (literally the presentation of new etc is mean to cause a sensation in the audience, get that energy going)… mostly so that you will see how incredi-fuckinly-prevasive it is.

I am not a total no media but it was necessary for me to have some short term success in order to appreciate the point…. which is, at the end of a day, you will have more energy for the things you would invest it in than you would if you let them steal it from you.

…(you’ll be surprised how stuff is there that is your choice and not the cultures… try a weekend with TV or print news. don’t worry the world will almost end, whether you know about it or not).

I do find that not having regular tv service helps me care less about what the super successful and important people are doing, simply because I don’t know about it. Teh internets is another story of course. And there I think you are doing smashingly and I’m very impressed by your success.

Personally, I am just counting down to the start of Daylight Saving Time on Sunday. Having it still be light out when I get home from work is going to improve my outlook on life 100%. This gray everywhere needs to stop.

Ellen, that is an excellent point. Limiting the amount of television noise is a great way to block out that extraneous cultural noise. I watch a lot of Netflix these days – mostly documentaries – I love ‘em.

Well, thank you very much. I don’t know about that, but then I guess since it’s the internet, it’s hard to know how you’re being perceived or what’s going on! There’s the stats, but for me, that’s like stepping on the scale in the morning – I’d rather not see, it’s too painful. lol

Boy, you’re not kidding. Daylight Savings Time will be such a welcome thing! We are all in desperate need of Spring!

Damn girl- I want to lay down with you and drink your whine/wine all day!!! YES YES YES to it all… I want to quote so much of this, that I would simply just have to copy and paste it all- seriously. I get this SO. SO. MUCH!!!

I just want to lay down too…with the ‘real people’ not the 1%. And I want to have that beach hat and probably never wear it too. And I want to lay just like your laying- face first so we don’t even have to squint our eyes open and read the clock… checking to see if the alarm will go off and we will have to start another groundhog day.

HIgh five Christine! Here, have a glass of wine, I’ve got an extra hat – let’s throw ‘em in the ocean, we’re not wearing them. Solidarity for the 99% of us who are tired, thirsty and in need of a lie down. I think we should do an I’m Tired Con where we just sit by the pool and drink and share our good ideas with each other. No competition, everybody makes the cut, we all get heard. That is my dream.

I really, really think it’s the weather. It’s been so cold and snowy for so long that everyone feels completely blah. I think that once the sun comes out and it warms up a little it will be happiness for all…

I think you’re right Sam. It’s cold weather, but we’re all melting down. It’s been such a tough, long winter, hasn’t it? Spring is so close. Happiness is on it’s way. We all need to sing that Pharell Williams song until the sun comes out!

Step away from the computer, ma’am.
That’s what I put on my screensaver for weeks.
I had so much random shit to deal with and there just wasn’t room for much else.
After a few days I could breathe again. Each day after that was better and better.
I’m not even sure that I will return to blogging- not that it’s the blogging that takes up so much time.
It’s the interaction with others who share common interests. You look up and 3 hours have gone by.
That makes me feel both happy and sad at the same time. Makes me feel like a bump on a pickle.
My head was so full of the thoughts of others that I couldn’t think straight. So I gave myself some quiet time. Quiet time meant unplugging. Not just from the internet. From shit storms and crazy ass people that I needed to kick to the curb long ago.
Our lives are busy enough without throwing ourselves into someone elses fire.
So here’s what I say to you, dear sweet Linda Lou-
Find a curb and start kicking.
Put on your hat, girl. And your shit kickin’ boots. I know you have a pair.
Then find yourself a poppy field and sleep….sleep.
When you wake up, you can Pharrell the hell out of it all.
xoxo, T.

I hear ya, T. I really love the creative, artistic aspect of it, but the rest – the politics, the competitiveness, all the bullshit the goes along with this; it sucks the joy out of it – it’s soul crushing. The constant barrage of contests, the cliques, the jockeying for position over one another, the hamster wheel of promotion and social media…I could go on. I was happiest in the beginning when I was just blogging, getting to know authentic, sincere people who were blogging for the right reasons – because they loved to write or share their ideas, photography, etc. and not because they had to tick off another item on their blogging Must Do list and get ahead of the next guy. People who didn’t want to know each other for what they could do for each other, but just because they were part of a genuine community that enjoyed interacting and exchanging ideas. Unfortunately, some of those people have fallen away; tired of all the noise and the race for book deals and fame. Somehow I fell I started pursuing the wrong circles; people who are not in any way compatible with my sensibilities. I’m going to stick with those that I’ve met along the way – like you – who’ve been genuine friends – people I admire and value and enjoy.

Yeah. It’s already felt good kicking some crazy ass people to the curb. Toxic shit. I’ve got my red shit kicking boots on and I’m kicking. And I’m gonna sleep and I am most definitely gonna Pharrell the hell out of things, my dear friend. Thanks so much! xoxo

Well I just posted at how glad I was to just be home as I have been saying that daily, that I just want to go home and lie down. I am tired. I am tired of going in to face Middle schoolers who have no interest in learning, no interest in their future, and find it necessary to take all their aggression out on me. I am tired of facing those 7th graders in 7th period who make it impossible for me to teach those that do actually want to learn. Tired of the so called Dean taking the word of a squirt and complaining about the way I yelled at her. She who refuses to sit in the seat I’ve assigned for her. She who refuses copy the worksheet into her composition book. She who keeps saying she wants the former teacher to come back ( most likely because he never called her on the carpet and encourage her to do work.) And I could go on as I sit here wondering if I am to be called into the office and being told that she has complained about me. Happens all the time and I am just plain tired!!

That can’t be easy Jonee. I give you a lot of credit. Teaching is one of the hardest, most important and least appreciated occupations out there in my opinion. This stuff applies to so much of life, doesn’t it? And yes, I did get the Lupita quote slightly wrong, but the same idea applies: Everyone’s dreams are valid, sure. But that doesn’t really mean a thing. Validity is great, but that doesn’t get you the job or the Oscar.

Hear ya, Linda! I am so tired of a whole bunch of stuff too, including winter! I sure understand about feeling empty. Every day I see children and feel that empty hole in my heart because it never happened for me, I never got to be a mom despite how hard I tried (and it didn’t help that I had a non-supportive spouse). My life often feels like “Groundhog Day” and maybe that’s why I like that movie so much!

Really cannot stand Kathy Lee and Hoda, or Rachael Ray. Way too cherry and self-important. Re: menopause, I hate to tell you this but if you’re only just starting, you’re going to be tired of it for years to come LOL! I can say that having gone through it and done now. I believe in being Larry David about stuff too, most definitely! Yep, “we all eat, sleep and shit,” none of us is more important than the other. Excellent points and not sour grapes at all to me!! Great post!

Holy WOW! This post was so great. And while people may call me cranky, cynical, and sour grapes, they will also call me late for lunch because THAT’S HOW I ROLL, BABY. Since I have like zero concept of time. So I’m tardy on top of grouchy. *nice*

“I’d rather cancel my golf date so the guy in the wheel chair next to me doesn’t feel bad he can’t go golfing. I’m weird.” <– If this is weird, then please don't ever be normal. We can be weird, together. Because this, too, is how I roll.

From my own experience, I can tell you that what I’ve come to believe – people who are successful had at least one other person believe in them, who encouraged and supported them. I grew up in a family of people who, though creative, believed that you had to choose a stable career. I was the outcast. I had no support from the people who mattered most to me. When I asked them to share my blog posts with their friends, they refused, because they didn’t want to “burden” their friends with “spam-type” emails. So I learned to be grateful for anyone who took the time to read my posts. I’m happy for those who reach the level of success to which they aimed, but I also wonder – if I had had even one person believe in me, might I be the success I always dreamed I would be?

Yes, yes, and yes. I’m glad someone finally put into words how I’m feeling this morning. It’s Christmas big f-ing deal it comes every year just like your taxes and costs just as much for shit for people who couldn’t give a shit what you went through to get it. I’m really tired too. I’d like to sit in a smokey bar where I can smoke a cigarette without people looking at me as if I’m molesting the family dog with a big bottle of Jack Daniel’s listing to blues music for the rest of the day. Tomorrow maybe I’ll feel better, today not so much.

I’ve been feeling like this for a few months now and I am tired of it. I know that this year for all the bad that it started with is ending with good things but like you I am tired of comparing myself to everyone else, for choosing to believe I am not worthy when maybe, in fact, I am and for just barely feeling good.

I want to feel good always and I want that for you too. (Perhaps just writing it down helped you to release yourself of some of it? )

I’m tired of all the frenemies and ass-kissers I’ve collected over the past two and a half years on Facebook. So I’ve been deleting them one by one from my life. I couldn’t be more done with all the bullshit.

I’ve sat ringside (and I’ve been in the ring myself) watching people step over others clamoring for their pathetic little 15 minutes and I laugh because nobody remembers you one second after your 15 minutes are over. If you held a gun to the heads of 10,000 people and forced them to name one blogger they might remember The Pioneer Woman, and that’s probably only because she’s got a TV show. It’s all silly, ego-driven bullshit that couldn’t remind me more of junior high.

Having attended a few conferences, it is plain to my eye that those who appear to be the most successful in the blogging world in truth have, just like Kathie Lee, rich husbands who are bank-rolling their little ego-driven hobbies.

Linda… First, if pressed for a response, I would have to say, I am really quite content with my life. Virtually all the things you state annoy you are foreign to me. I do not recognize their existence. I am busy doing other things, going in different directions.

With that having been said, here is what I really stayed around to say… This is one of the most incredibly well written pieces I have had the good fortune to read. Honestly, you held me spell bound, throughout, and I have a very short attention span.

I hope you find some joy and contentment in the coming days, and I hope you take it well, when it dawns on you, we have not yet even entered the Winter season… (I probably should have kept that last part to myself.)

I’m tired of feeling like I’m fooling everyone around me and waiting to be found out. I’m tired of feeling anxious to the point of vomiting. I’m tired of worrying about money. I’m tired of working in a cubicle.

Damn..it feels good to get those things out. Here’s to hoping we get a little rest, sister.

Immersed among all that angst is a rich seam of wisdom. Many people expend realms of energy striving for fame, often via the most superficial routes – reality TV, for example. And each and everyone of us possess a talent for something. Also, I agree that success is not always dependent upon effort, but luck, who you know and the circumstances into which each of us is born. An interesting post.