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Sunday, August 5, 2007

WCW Uncensored 1996

Uncensored was usually the worst pay-per-view of the year for WCW. Let’s see how bad this one turns out to be.

1) Eddie Guerrero vs. Konnan – 6 –This was a perfectly acceptable little bout to open the show. It was amazing to see how good Konnan was before he joined up with the n.W.o. and how hard Eddie was trying to make his mark in WCW. It was about what you would expect from two of the top cruiserweights in 1996 and, to my amazement, was for the United States Title (you know, since the cruiserweight title wouldn’t come along until the early summer).

2) Lord Steven Regal vs. The Belfast Bruiser (Fit Finlay) – 6 – Regal and Finlay, who was working as the Belfast Bruiser during this time frame, just beat the ever loving piss out of each other. They chopped, punched, and slammed each other until they couldn’t take it anymore and then they did it even more. Finlay was working extremely stiff and even busted Regal open the hard way with some hard shots. Neither man pulled any punches and both were definitely on top of their game. This would’ve gotten a higher score if not for the run-in by Dave Taylor and a cheap DQ finish.

3) Col. Robert Parker vs. Madusa – 3 – I don’t remember much about this match except that Parker looked like shit as always.

4) Diamond Dallas Page vs. The Booty Man – 5 – This wasn’t as terrible as a thought it would be. Booty Man, by the way, was one of many failed gimmicks that Brutus Beefcake had in WCW. Either way, both men had their working shoes on as they busted out a match that could only be described as a modern-day miracle.

5) The Giant vs. Loch Ness – 2 - The Giant almost got eaten by the mammoth Loch Ness but managed to win in decisive fashion in a match that featured nothing more that two big guys pushing each other.

6) The Road Warriors vs. Booker T & Sting – Chicago Street Fight – 8 – This must be seen to be believed! The four punched, kicked, chopped, smacked, and piledrove each other until there was nothing left. Hawk wasn’t selling shit, Sting was swinging brooms all over the place, Animal was nailing people left and right with chairs, and Booker was holding his own in a massive, unmitigated, wild, wooly, pier-six, and downright crazy street fight. It was a very old-school style brawl that lasted damn near thirty minutes. At the end, I was exhausted just watching it. I can only imagine how spent the actual competitors were.

7) Hulk Hogan & Randy Savage vs. Ric Flair, Arn Anderson, Lex Luger, Kevin Sullivan, The Barbarian, Meng, Z-Gangsta, & The Ultimate Solution – Doomsday Cage Match – 3 – What can I say about this that hasn’t already been said on the other sites that have wrestling reviews. How about the biggest ego stroke since Vince McMahon’s last masturbation. Yeah … that’ll work. Great workers like Flair, Sullivan, and Anderson were forced to take a backseat to the massive egos of Hogan and Savage. The cage was a giant three level cage with minimal room to work. Hogan and Savage had to start at the top and work their way down to the bottom were the likes of The Ultimate Solution (Jeep Swenson) and Z-Gangsta (Zeus, a.k.a. Deebo from the Friday movies) lurked. You can pretty much figure it out from here. Hogan and Savage defeat the upper level competitors such as Flair, Anderson, Luger, Barbarian, and Meng, the shamelessly brawl with said competitors on the floor and then get back in the cage to finish off the … ahem … competition. You know what’s even worse? This whole damn thing lasted almost 25 minutes!! And people wonder why I hate Hulk Hogan sometimes.

Final Thoughts:As much as I don’t want to, I have to give this a thumbs up. The first two bouts are recommended viewing to anyone who’s a fan of either cruiserweight wrestling or stiff rugged matches. The middle three, although Booty vs. DDP was admirable, can be skipped. The street fight is essential to anyone who’s a fan of any of the guys involved. I would recommend it for the physicality and for being the first time Booker stood out on his own. The main event, regardless of what you’ve read above or on other sites, should be seen at least once because it’s the prime example of Bischoff feeding the mega-egos of Hogan and Savage.