Sunday, October 5, 2014

Really long time no see

Ah I don't know how to start this post as it's been too long since my last one. I guess I've just needed to retreat for a bit since my opening. I suppose I can just go from my most recent activity which is today, where I was at home writing the introduction to my book. I've enjoyed it. I just sent it to my editors so I'm looking forward to seeing what they say.

I had a lovely Friday, after work Pamela played a gig then I went out for drinks and dinner. It has been warm and sunny and I'm beginning to be able to wear more of the clothes I want to wear without socks or stockings or jackets and that makes me happy. I was talking about being in limbo with someone and I feel like that's where I am. I'm between many things right now and I am finding it confusing. For the first time I'm not even sure that writing it out will help, or, maybe I'm avoiding writing it out because I don't want to figure out or decide if I'm either here nor there. It's obviously a cliche but I wish you could free frame or slow down different portions of your life while others move forward at regular pace. Freeze frame feelings, slow down a sunset so you could enjoy it longer, freeze frame periods of elation while you go about your day to day life regularly. It would be ideal but as usual I spend far too much time lamenting over the impossible and avoiding altogether the grittiness and decisions that reality forces upon us. I like to see how long I can go avoiding it, sticking my hand out the sunroof catching the wind and getting ever so slightly sunburned on the tips of my shoulders. Spring is definitely a purgatory season. New things are reaching yet you still feel inexplicably attached to the old.

I made a playlist for the first time in ages because I'm clearly incapable of articulating these feelings!