Month: March 2014

Assuming a most natural regal pose, she sat on the brown marble kitchen slab, at the Okon-Umoren’s, adorning a peach lace dress, silver beaded necklace, silver earrings and immaculate makeup. Her lips were done with a professional mixture of lip gloss and lip stick. I suspect she had just reapplied it for it had the appearance of slick baby pink dripping moisturized lips – looking yummy. Her braided hair was packed up in a bunch – she said this was to prevent her from sweating due to the heat. In all pure honesty I wanted her to drip with sweat. I find my woman covered in glistening sweat irresistibly hot. She looked – looks – very gorgeous, perfect in my sight, soft to my touch, subtle to my hearing.

Our church group had continued ‘fellowship after fellowship’ (something we call ‘faf’ in my locality and have graciously coined a continuous…

I’ve tried pretty much everything in the way of increasing productivity… I’ve created to do lists, checklists, and goals for
each day. I’ve dedicated special blocks of every day to writing, email, product creation, you name it.

I’ve read books about how to maximize productivity , how to get more done in less time, while at a higher quality. Of everything I’ve read and out of everything I’ve tried, the greatest ally, tactic, or tip I’ve
come across thus far, was given to me by Steven Pressfield, in his books, The War of Art and,Turning Pro. Both books cover a great deal about what it means to create something, far beyond what I’m going to talk about in this article. What they did that no other book had done before, is position doing work as a battle. A battle against an enemy that Pressfield calls, The Resistance.

What is the Resistance?

The Resistance is anything that keeps you from doing your work. It can be internal, in the form of fear, worry, or laziness. It can be external in the form of others who are trying to pry you away from your mission and your work. The Resistance has a few definitive
characteristics

The Resistance is persistent

You can defeat it in battle, even kill it, but it will always come back the next day. Battle against the Resistance is a daily endeavor for those of us who are trying to perfect our craft.
Whether you’re an athlete, a writer, a marketer, an artist in the conventional sense, or a person tying to lose a few pounds, but every time you start a diet, the world seems to conspire to get you to quite, you’re at war against the Resistance.

The Resistance is your fear of failure that prevents you from setting the big, hairy, audacious goals your soul truly wants to achieve, set, and create in your life. It’s your sense of worry that prevents you from aiming high enough, the voice inside of you that wants to remain small and safe.

The Resistance has to be defeated if you’re going to not only write the book your want to write, paint the painting your soul longs to
create, or get paid to play the game you’re in love with, but it has to be defeated if you’re going to live.

Pressfield has one of the most eloquent and eye- opening definitions of ambition I’ve yet to read: Ambition, I have come to believe, is the
most primal and sacred fundamental of our being. To feel ambition and to act upon it is to embrace the unique calling of our souls. Not to act upon that ambition is to turn our backs on ourselves and on the reason for our existence.
~ Steven Pressfield, Turning Pro

Ambition isn’t merely what you want in life, it is life. To defeat the Resistance, is to live in accordance with what your soul truly longs for, what it feels this thing called life is all about.

The Resistance is cunning

The Resistance will try to rationalize your laziness. It’s your internal voice that tells you that the deadline can be pushed to tomorrow, that it’s “ok” to take just one, insignificant day
off. The Resistance will trick you if you don’t identify its existence, and wage war upon it. If you ignore it, the Resistance will conquer you, leave you broke, weak, and as far away from accomplishing your goals, and the object of your ambition, as you can possibly be. The only way to understand what it truly is, is to be aware that the Resistance exists, and it’s trying to kill you every day.

The Resistance is fear

The Resistance is relentless, persistent, and cunning. It can take the form of happy thoughts, of people you love, of selfish desires, but it’s always grounded, founded, and supported by fear. Having read Mr. Pressfield’s books many times over, and waging war against this demon daily, I still find it hard to determine whether it’s the Resistance talking, or me. I have to focus to determine whether it’s a venture – or an adventure – I truly want to pursue, or one that’s
guided by fear.
Fear always wants to lead us to safer pastures.

Fear isn’t something we should avoid, or move with, but something we should oppose. If something scares us, then it’s a pretty good determinant of something we should be doing, pursuing, moving towards, and giving every ounce of our energy to. It’s the things we fear most, that we often want most.

Our greatest fears aren’t snakes, crocodiles, or spiders, but failure in what we’d most like to do with our lives. Our greatest fears in life are that we’ll die without doing what our souls know we
should be doing.

When we take the first step to accomplishing this object of our fear, the Resistance throws everything it possibly can at us. It puts more on our plate, reasons with us as to why now isn’t the time, brings a relationship into our lives, the death of a loved one, another interest that’s easier, a route that is safer to take.
The Resistance is real. It’s cunning, persistent, and relentless

It will attack us when we’re about to embark on our great journey, or we’re about to realize is become something real, tangible, a creation. Identify the enemy if you want to live a strong life, ignore it if you want to live a small one. Fight it everyday as the alarm rings and you’d rather stay in bed. Defeat it with every step towards perfecting your craft, facing your fears , and conquering that voice inside of you that wants nothing more than safety.

If you’re waging this war, and fighting this battle. I applaud you. You’re one of the few.

Dreams drift away like leaves on the water,
They roll down the river and slip out of sight;
Too many times we do what we ought,
Put off ’til tomorrow what we’d really rather do tonight,
And later realize:

Time passes by, people pass on,
At the drop of a tear, they’re gone;
Let’s do what we dare, do what we like,
And love while we’re here before time passes by.

Thoughts are like pennies we keep in our pockets,
They’re never worth nothing ’til we give them away;
But love’s like a promise in an unopened letter,
Where nights full of pleasure seldom see the light of day,
When life gets in the way.

Time passes by, people pass on,
At the drop of a tear, they’re gone;
Let’s do what we dare, do what we like,
And love while we’re here before time passes by.

The world moves at warp speed, and it’s easy to become buried under your dreams for your life. We’re juggling several balls in the air, whether they are work, motherhood, education, relationships, family or personal projects. Many times, it seems as if we’re running on a hamster wheel, going nowhere fast.

So, why aren’t things happening for you? Check out four things you may be doing that are keeping you in a rut.

1. Not saying ‘thank you’ One thing that keeps our lives in a static state is not being grateful for our experiences, good and bad. So what, things didn’t work out with that job you loved so much or the relationship you cherished? Thank God or your higher power for where you are now to advance to the next level. To add, if someone does something for you—opens a door for an opportunity or provides insight, remember that they didn’t have to do it. Express your gratitude for their efforts. How about putting it in writing? Those good deeds will come back to you. It’s really that simple. Stop complaining about where you are and be thankful for the big successes, the small ones and the failures. Do the work, and get ready for takeoff.

2. Refusing to change your mind The mind is a battlefield where our positive and negative thoughts clash daily. When we’ve gotten used to thinking so small or negatively, it’s difficult to flip the switch. If there’s a situation you’d like to change, before you put actions in place for different results, make sure your mind is at the head of the table and ready to push you into a positive place.

3. Focusing on Others You’re never too old to have a role model or someone you admire, but watch out for focusing so much on what others are doing, that you become stagnant in your own plan. How many times have you seen the accomplishments and advancement of others and in turn, downplayed your own? Each of us has a set of gifts, talents and blessings that are customized for us. Don’t get lost in the shuffle of eyeing someone else’s prize. Sure, use others’ gains as fuel for your life, but concentrate on what lies ahead for you, instead of them. Simply put, do you.

4. Thinking You’ve Missed the Boat “I can’t try that again”…”I’m too old”… “It’s too late.” These are just a few things we tell ourselves (and others) when it comes to both our personal and professional lives. Missed opportunities are just that—missed, but like those, other will come around again. Contrary to what popular culture says, you’re not a failure if you haven’t reached the pinnacle of success before 35. Give yourself time to grow. Attributing your defeat to outside factors like age or false starts point your energy away from your current and future goals. Keep going.

Do we all walk our own set, predetermined path in life? Has everything that’s happened to us so far in this life happened as it should? Do our conscious choices mean anything? Or does it matter because the outcome is already written in the stars? Is it?

Are there truly infinite possibilities or does everything we do, every choice we make, lead to one inevitable outcome? Has the future already been written and we’re simply walking the Yellowbrick road? Or is “Destiny” something else entirely?

Is it our destiny to forge our own ending? Are we playing an open-ended game and all of our choices influencing an outcome unwritten and unheard-of? Are we meant to blaze our own trail through the old, dried brush of monotony? Do each of us have the ability to burn brighter than any of our predecessors?

I believe we do. But then what is it that so often stops us from doing just that?

Is it the fear of failure?

Are we afraid that we are incapable of greatness?

Or are you afraid of judgment and criticism?

No, no, don’t fear. And don’t begrudge them for that either. Those people who look down their noses at you simply have not found a way to overcome their own fears. On the surface, they may seem unaccepting and judgmental. That’s because they themselves are afraid. But when they go home and lay in bed, a million and one thoughts going through their mind; thoughts of fear, of doubt, and insecurity.

At that moment they will remember you. They will remember the passion that burned in your eyes. They will remember the light that seemed to radiate from your very soul. It is in that moment you will have change someone’s life forever. It is in that moment that they, like you, will realize that “destiny “, is written by your hand.

Your behaviour could be the reason behind you not getting promoted at your workplace.

Personal image and etiquette expert Anna Musson said that it is never just one thing which could help ruin your career, asserting that it is all the little things put together, which creates an overall bad impression.

1. One of the habits that could ruin your career is drinking too much at an office party,News.com.au reported.

2. Another habit is that people should avoid is over promoting, under delivering or just plainly lying.

3. Then there are people, who ask for feedback and then not like it, even this can amount to career suicide.

4. Another reason which leaves people stagnant at their positions is believing that the word speaks for itself, as managers can be surprisingly deaf to your crowning achievements.

5. If a person wants to get ahead in their career, they should be willing to learn new things, as refusing to learn new technology leaves you behind.

6. Storming off the office in a huff can leave a bad taste in the mouth of your superior and can stagnate your career.

“The baby you have is the baby you were destined to have, it was meant to be”. That’s what the adoption agency tells you. I like to think it’s true, but everything else in the world seems so completely random. What if one little thing I said or did made it all fall apart? What if I choose another life for myself or another person? What if I’ve been raised differently? What if, what if, what if?

Many times we find ourselves wishing for a second chance, longing to stop time, start anew or wondering what might have happened if we would have said ‘Yes’ instead of ‘No’. The problem with these daydreams is that life does not hand us a restart button. To win at business or life, adversity has to be encountered, faced, fought and defeated.There is no other way. No options. You either beat it, or it beats you. You win or you lose. Simple, right? No. Never.

It’s never black or white. Never win or lose. Something always bleeds over; Something good or bad, funny or sad and sometimes its a blend of both. Some folks say they’d prefer a life of “oh wells” to “what ifs”. The thing is, live life to the fullest. Let go of the “what ifs”. Don’t lick your wounds; Celebrate them. Scars are a sign that you had competition.

On a final note, your life is a gift,accept it. No matter how messed up or painful it seems to be, some things are gonna work out like they were destined to be.