20. KCL Medicine. Christian. Just writing down thoughts and hoping to keep track of these 5 years that will probably fly by and be worth the look-back when the right time comes.

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(written yesterday) I don’t speak to my family enough. I miss them, and I wish to tell them that. But it seems that every time I speak to them, I run out of words to express what’s really been going on. Family: ‘Are you better?’ No I’m not, and I’m fighting it everyday, and it’s […]

I woke up in the middle of the night, stomach howling with pain at the typical monthly torture each girl must go through. Finding it hard to fall asleep again, I decided to do a day of independent studying at home on the Thursday and get some rest. Sitting in front of a the window, […]

I’m sitting at the King’s Food cafe in New Hunt’s House, facing outwards towards the two friends who are chatting, working, having lunch. There is a quiet conversation to my right, and in the background, the sharp squeaks and clicks as the barista makes another order of the large cappuccino. I’m not working, nor am […]

She didn’t have much to say for yesterday. And I think I’m all talked out. I’m tired and it just doesn’t seem like rest alone is enough. Auto-piloting for a few more days until I can afford to let my emotions take over. I won’t allow these things to catch up to me. So I’ll […]

Me: “How was your day?” Her: “Full day of uni.” Me: “I’m glad you managed to make it through.” Her: “Well, it was compulsory. It’s so easy to go into autopilot. To go through the day neglecting hidden feelings and pushing all the emotions aside, prioritising what ‘should’ be done as opposed to what we […]

I want a fresh start but every time I’d been given a fresh start I seem to forget how much I wanted it in the first place and everything ends up being the same. I always tell myself tomorrow I’ll be better and I’ll do better but then each day just ends up being the […]

ASHAMED /əˈʃeɪmd/ (Adjective) Feeling embarrassed or guilty because of one’s actions, characteristics, or associations. I know that she was struggling today. And I wasn’t able to help her. But maybe growing up isn’t all about continuously leaning on someone else, but rather learning to stand up straight all by yourself, with those who taught and […]

The purpose of life has always been one of those questions that seemed too philosophical to tackle. Instead, we don’t ask about why certain checkpoints have been placed into our lives with the aim of directing us to the ‘ideal life’. We simply follow the rules. For her, the beginning of this rollercoaster started when […]

My brother is a boy of unique interests. One of which, included the interests in all the different phobias which existed, from strange fears of the number 8. Octophobia. To the fear of everything. Pantophobia. I always thought that they would one day be useful when he would be able to answer the final question […]

Feelings aren’t something that are just felt, they exist in my world as cartoonish manifestations that surround my world, presenting themselves in a parallel dimension that somehow interacts with mine. Joy. Although a feeling that has been distant for some time, presents itself as rays of yellow, not a yellow that blinds, nor a yellow […]