Seeking my truth one day at a time... Enjoying the beautiful possibilities that fill my life...Creating as much joy in my world as possible...Living in Abundance...Living Yoga...Thriving on Raw Foods...Sharing my Journey

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

~*~*~SATYA~*~*~

~*~*~SATYA~*~*~

Satya is an aspect of yoga meaning truth, rightness. For the month of January I am focusing my awareness to see, believe, speak, hear, think, express, live satya. A part of satya is to not harm others through our actions or words. For example, how often does 'I hate you' actually mean 'I am hurting,' wouldn't it be nice if instead of trying to hurt people we spoke the truth; communicated instead of degraded? In this time of my life I find myself transitioning out of a 'partnership' type relationship back into a life of being single which also means being a single parent again. We are mutually ending our relationship, yet neither of us want it to end. The {simplistic} reason we have come to this decision is because neither of us feel we are who we want to be in a relationship which also means neither of us feels the other is being a true partner. I am aware that this may not make sense to a lot of people, but it is my truth & I choose to honor it. Remembering not to act out of pain & hurt was a challenge at first, but the more awareness I bring to Satya, the more Satya develops in my daily life. The truth is freeing.

So with love in my heart I find myself speaking my truth and allowing my feelings to be known. I am processing this change with Shane and finding what new form our friendship will take; together. It is such a beautiful unfolding, I look forward to continuing living in a place of truth. And although it isn't necessarily easy for me to do this, it feels like what truly serves me.

I Believe that he and I are meant to be in one another's life and although I recognize it as a constantly changing set of circumstances and particulars, I am willing to set aside my expectations of a partner and the role I want him to fill versus the one he is able to fill and take time to heal and grow. I have areas of my self that need work, contemplation and resolve. I truly look forward to time alone to focus inward.

The other night I suddenly had a moment of clarity and could see a part of me that feels so imbalanced at times, but was able to recognize it for what it actually is. For the past 5 years I have been working on not over-reacting to things and I am a million times improved from the girl I used to be; over-reactive, extreme, impulsive, negative, hateful & mean. But what I discovered was that I have created enough awareness that when I over-react, a short while after the incident, I now have the ability to 'let it go.' It feels good for me to be able to let things go especially since my old habit was too let it fester until I was miserable. I now see however; that in doing this I am still over-reacting, be it less frequent, but usually towards someone then a few hours later I am happy with no explanation of what happened. For me I am happy because I let it go and it isn't affecting me anymore. I can feel the imbalance this cycle creates within me and could finally see how this must totally make me look crazy to the parties involved! I am not crazy, but I am missing a step, it is time for me to let go of over-reacting and be conscious enough to always come from a place of truth. Let go of the trigger instead of over-reacting then having to let go of the over-reacting AND the trigger.

The Most Powerful Affirmation (when) I Use (it):

~I Release That Which Does Not Serve Me~

Blame

Resentment

Lies

Fear

Judgement

Ego Boosting

Dis-Ease

Self-Pity

Vanity

Anger

Denial

Disconnect

Promiscuity

Escape through Drugs & Alcohol

All of these are things I have used to deal with lifes downs before, but today I find myself choosing that which serves me and not feeling a desire to take the route of self defeating behavior. I am grateful to be in this place where I can choose wellness, in all aspects of my life.

I know what I want in a partnership: balance and equality. But in order to receive what I want, I also need to be giving what I want. Until I work through the imbalance I have created through habit, I don't feel that I make a good partner, especially not to someone I love deeply. So I am taking a skillful leap into open honesty instead of dwelling in anger & sadness. I choose Wellness. Yoga, Truth, Cleansing, Communicating, Healthy Eating & Thinking, Loving, Creating; All Beautiful things I am using to create balance & joy in my life, despite the changing scenery. Being able to practice these things in my life is a blessing.

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My thoughts flow smoothly to random points in my mind and occasiounally I write them down; thus you have my blog.I enjoy journaling and feel a sense of truth knowing I have put thoughts into written word and others eyes gaze upon them from time to time.....