But, I'm Not Ready For Kindergarten?

Two weeks ago, when my son's new student pack arrived complete with teacher assignment and supply list, my heart sank. This is real. My son is really going to start Kindergarten in three weeks. All I could think was how unready I was! I swore to myself, I wouldn't be one of those mom's that makes this major milestone about, her. I know how much my son feeds off my feelings and reactions. I know if I lose my shit on the first day, so will he. If I act excited and super brave, so will he. Needless to say, I'm going to try for the later.

I say, try, because who knows what will happen on the first day. Mom-emotions are powerful and all consuming. I have friends who cried from the second of drop-off until pick-up the first two weeks, and friends who joke about barely slowing down before pushing their kid into the hands of a waiting carpool aid. I have no doubt I'm going to want to join the crying mom. I've got less than two weeks before the big day and I'm Not Ready For Kindergarten and all its scary unknowns.

I'm not ready to leave my child with strangers, all day.

I'm not ready to live in fear of a school shooting, all day.

I'm not ready to live in fear of someone kidnapping my child off the playground.

I'm not ready to spend 8 to 9 hours a day wondering what my child is doing and, most of all, if he's OK.

I'm not ready for PTO meetings, and the over-achieving moms that make me feel like a lazy shit.

I'm not ready to let my insecurities get the best of me everytime I pass a group of moms.

I am just not ready. And, I'm pretty sure I won't be before the big day.Thankfully, my child is ready.My brilliant five-year-old is ready to spend the day learning and growing with children his own age. He's ready to learn in a more structured environment with rules, routine, repercussions and rewards. According to him, he's even ready to ride the bus to school without me. My child is so ready to start Kindergarten, he's counting the days.

Oh, this mom shit is so hard. I just keep telling myself, Stop over-thinking everything and don't make this about you. This is going to be a HUGE day for my little guy. I can choose to cry and make it about me, or embrace his brilliance, resolve, and bravery on HIS big day. On August 18th, I will put on my big girl pants and take my big boy to his first day of 'big boy' school. I will try my best to love, cherish and embrace every moment, because the only thing that's for sure about the big day, I'll never get it back.

The founder of First Time Mom and Dad, April is an award-winning published writer. Her work has been published in over ten countries and four languages. From books to newspapers, to print/online magazines and everything in between, you can find her work. For more on April, Visit AprilMcCormick.com