Water flows Over us, within us and all through DrenchedWe are in our own emotional slumpMortifiedFrom the interchangeable auras we encounterWater is vitality But when our feelings keep waveringPatience; In Layers so thin it cracks..DrownAs we’re gasping for air to breatheLostAlong the bright lights and sparkles of these haunted wavesFlashes Come and fast they goSurrender; thenTo the calmness beforeStorms pourAnd we fade among the slumps, as we’re washed again through and throughTo survive

How often do we witness this enticing phenomenon? Not enough, I think.

It used to be an almost impossible idea for me to sit and watch the sun rise, but given my torrid job hours I saw it happen a few times. During each, I was mesmerized even more than the previous one. This drastic change from the black of night to the light of day has this magnificent way to wash me thoroughly in some majestic way I can’t seem to put into words.

I have even put some guidelines after my first new dawns, to make sure I witness a new dawn every six months, because it is cleansing, but sad for it means another day has passed, but a new day has come. Most my new dawn encounters were late nights, wither pondering and deciphering thoughts or working jumping to relieve one patient so I can see the next one. It almost always had me emancipated, relieved and satisfied some how drawing a huge smile on my face.

Although I am not abiding by my recommended rule to watch a new dawn every 6 months or every while, it is therapeutic in some way.

Others might disagree, as new dawns can be interpreted in many different ways, be it whatever new dawns can intricate a new positive change or modification we must deal with, so go ahead and dive through it and may the end be as bright as day light.

Life has presented us with many inverted and unrelated themes, on a platter of paradox for us to consider as a norm. Most of us choose to go through those moments and accept it usually without much debate or thought, apart from grief; as grief has a tendency to march through to our core and disrupts our beings into pure chaos, sometimes to balance and on most other occasions to utter destruction.

Yesterday, I read and commented on a few posts which has left me pondering on life’s paradoxical themes that we subjectively tend to give in to. Here are some thematic versions from our daily encounters. A collective thought and rendition from all the pieces I commented on.

We are constantly looking for the opposite, trying to achieve the non-existent distant dream of the contrary to our state. The question that seems to stand out and remains unanswered is why?.

I, genuinely believe that most of us, who are currently living in this century are all connected by one single thing; which is that we are ANGRY. We seem to live and go by through our lives angry and hurt. It is a matter of perspective, how a person chooses to objectify their life and adopt a persona is subconsciously favored towards the angry side. Taking a happy moment; living it till it turns to a sad one, always anticipating the bad, the sad, the tragic and the devastating almost certain end of despair. Those moments that might never come, can pave our paths to a certain doom without us being aware of it. Often, to aggravate our share we tend to fake our smiles, our anger or our happiness and content towards something just to have what seems and portrays as a normal life. Is it because we care too much of others think? is it pretense? is it pride? is it greed? or is it us, playing the part of the oblivion? because we are being cast for playing the supporting roles in our own lives – as quoted from an old movie. Be it whatever, a person should be the lead in their own life.

On simple terms, for us to understand happiness, we need to experience sadness, to live freely we demand to know what’s like to be constrained. Anger is countered by forgiveness and so on; but does it mean that we need to nullify our lives? single-handed give in to certain state and forget about it. Life has to have the luxury of living through both extremes, be happy, angry, sad, forgiving, patient, hasty, passive and active.

The most feeling and state we choose to give in to, is grief. It has a certain nostalgia to it, which makes it easier for us to dive in, live in and let it somehow wreck our state of mind to it’s limitless endless meaningless details. Although, I believe that it has a way to awaken us to rediscover hidden entities within our personalities; it should never be an infinite reality. To give in to grief, is to victimize oneself’s reality and live through the denial of leading a sad and apathetic reality. The other side of the coin, tend to portray the happy person as a stupid, ill-experienced idiot who is simply a fool, just because he or she has chosen to enjoy one of life’s rarities. Be angry, set a standard, detach, remain, love and let go .. they are all simply unconscious orders given to us by our silent, judgmental societies even in the most liberated civilized societies this is a given fact. If only we can live our lives truly like how we imagine certain book characters to, when we read a classic for the first time, with sense of acceptance, a tinge of urgency, and a profound sense of positive endeavor even if it is a sad story; as we tend to reshape its lines a million times in our heads. Think of how it would feel like to lead a life while being in control. I ask you; how would it feel?

Love and let go, walk away, disappear, be sad, go deep yet be shallow for a moment in time; embrace the paradox life has to offer but always remain in control and don’t get lost in a state of dullness where you can only display your being a tragic adaptation of war or a certain battlefield between two long known enemies. I guess what I am asking for here is simple to live ant let live; and currently this is too much and too rude to ask for. Purchase a soul searching ticket and walk on… believe me you will be positively surprised.

When I first laid eyes on or read today’s task I was a bit skeptical as I couldn’t breakdown the title “Dream Audience“. For I would like my blog to target as much people as possible, connect with their daily lives, and simple relate to them without bias or prejudice to a certain category. Continue reading →

“When she spoke, it was as if someone had filed the burrs off her consonants and fluffed out her vowels. She spoke simply, but with intensity. “The natural enemy of the daughters is not the fathers and the sons,” she announced. “I was mistaken. The enemy of women is not men. No, and the enemy of the black is not the white. The enemy of capitalist is not communist, the enemy of homosexual is not heterosexual, the enemy of Jew is not Arab, the enemy of youth is not the old, the enemy of hip is not redneck, the enemy of Chicano is not gringo and the enemy of women is not men. We all have the same enemy. The enemy is the tyranny of the dull mind.”

I suppose everyone has felt like their life has come to an abrupt stopped at some point in their journey. It’s part of the grieving process. In my article Life Must Go On, I recalled three common, everyday events which after the accident became tough to do. I felt awkward and strange, even around family and friends. Despite my shattered life, I could see that life was going on. It seemed odd that most people were unaware of my grief and pain. I knew I had to move forward regardless of my sorrow and the best reason to do so was for my children.

Can anyone prepare for grief? I don’t know, but I sure wasn’t prepared for it. What I do know is that it will come in all of our lives and sometimes when we least expect it. I found this list of things to know about grief…

Writing has always been my thing, a way of how I see and portray the world I am living in. Often, I think that I am living in a world of my own, a world that is composed of silly irrelevant thoughts and fantasies of pure imagination. I have been told I can write and I should keep on writing and may be even publish some of it one day. Continue reading →

I'm Michelle. This is my blog. I write about women and fatness, expound upon semi-coherent thoughts I have in the middle of the night, and offer tough love to those in whom I am disappointed; they are legion.