You may remember that I left you with the following riveting, spine-tingling, edge-of-your-seat cliffhanger. *COUGH*DELUSIONSOFGRANDEUR*COUGH*:

It was around that time that I tried to break things off with my boyfriend the first time.

I had planned the entire thing out. I was just going to tell him I was having doubts about our relationship, and thought we should maybe take a break or call it quits. I was prepared for a lot of things: anger, resentment, yelling.. But I wasn’t prepared for what actually happened.

The story continues..
Upon my suggestion that we take a break or break things off completely, my boyfriend became very upset. But not mad upset, it was more like “I’m so sorry, please give me a second chance” upset. He broke down, which freaked my shit out completely because it wasn’t something I was accustomed to seeing. Not that he was opposed to crying, but he was like most guys with the whole “I don’t cry!” thing the majority of the time. I was caught completely off guard and hadn’t anticipated it at all. I felt awful, and agreed that we’d give it another shot. I did love him after all and truly believed that he could change and that our relationship would work out.

The next few months were great. My boyfriend was being more active in my life and wanting to go out with me (something that hadn’t interested him in the past) and meet my friends. We did more things together and he was being sweeter to me than he’d been in a long time. This whole time, I was still hanging out with Josh. He was still my best bud, after all. We continued our late-night Waffle House visits and Wal-Mart shenanigans. I forced him and our friend Ryan to watch one of my favorite movies, Harold and Maude (which is an amazingly sweet movie about a 19 year old who falls in love with a 79 year old. YUP. MIND BLOWN, RIGHT? Just watch the damn movie.) much to their dismay. I’m pretty sure Ryan and Josh both wanted to kick me in the shins for making them watch it as they didn’t share my enthusiasm for it in the slightest.

I digress. Things were good in my life. My dad took us on a cruise to the Bahamas, we had a jolly old time, etcetera and so on. As the weather started to turn cooler here in Tennessee, I was finding that my boyfriend’s affections were doing the same and he was slowly beginning to revert back to his old behavior. I’m not going to go into gory details because this story isn’t about slamming my ex, it’s about telling the story of me and my husband. Needless to say, I found myself unhappy once more.

One night while my ex was working third shift at his job, I called up Josh to see if he wanted to hit up the ole’ Waffle House for a chat. My mind was rolling and my insides were churning because I had been feeling my old doubts and worries about my relationship and I needed someone to talk to. And it needed to be Josh, because even though (as I mentioned before) I was in no way cheating on my ex with Josh, Josh played a major factor when it came to the doubts I had in the relationship with my ex. So we met at the Waffle House and after about 3 hours of me dancing around the issues and making idle chatter, I finally spilled the beans. I rambled and babbled incessantly for hours about how I just wasn’t happy. He didn’t treat me the way I deserved to be treated. I wanted someone who did little things, and gave me silly romantic gestures and trinkets. Most of all, I needed to feel like the person I was with loved me for me. I regaled him with the tale of my “Oh Shit” moment when I really wanted out. Again, won’t go into details here but it had to do with Equal Tablets. Yeah. SERIOUS BUSINESS, those Equal Tablets. They’re effing awesome and if you don’t like them you can just WALK AWAY NOW. KTHX.

Where am I? Oh yeah. Equal Tablets. Those stupid, tiny little pellets of aspartame delight became my strength; when I began to doubt my conviction I just Remembered the Equal Tablets (it’s kind of like Remembering the Alamo, but.. You know, not.). It doesn’t make much sense without going into the story of the Tablets but whatever. Just take my word for it.

While we were sitting at the Waffle House that fateful night, a girl who appeared drunk off her ass stumbled through the doors. Josh and I glanced at each other, then at the drunk girl and snickered a little at her. She staggered over to the counter and half-slumped on it and asked for some coffee. Tee hee, we tittered (I said titter haha). Look at the drunk! We went about our merry business chatting and thought no more of her. … Until she got up and walked out of the restaurant and to her car. We looked at each other, alarmed and the waitress hurried out from behind the front counter to look out the window. “Is she going to try and drive?!” she exclaimed. “I’m calling the police.” Josh immediately got up and ran outside to stop her. I watched him go, slack-jawed. I shook my head and thought to myself, “What an amazing guy.”

True to the nature of the small part of town that we were in, about 4 police cars showed up with lights flashing. I watched out the window as Josh spoke to them and they to the girl. After a while Josh came back inside and sat down.
“She wasn’t drunk,” he said.
Er, excuse me?
“She is diabetic, and was having a sugar crash. She left her insulin at home, which is up on the mountain. She was going to try and drive up and get it herself. The cops have called someone from her family to come get her.”

It’s very possible that Josh saved that woman’s life that night. If she had tried to drive up the mountain in the dark whilst in the throes of a diabetic episode it’s very, very likely she could have had a bad accident.

Okay so enough about how awesome my husband is.

After a few more hours of chat, I had made up my mind. I was going to do it, and for real this time. I wasn’t going to back down.
I was going to Remember the Equal Tablets. I had made up my mind, and the next day was going to be THE DAY.

aaaaarrrrgggghhhh! And I thought this was going to be a two parter! Please tell me it's a three parter and not a four or five parter! Even though I've heard the story before, it's never been in one long, chronological telling. I know how it ends, but still…The suspense is killing me!

Thanks for reading everybody! It's no Pioneer Woman love story but it's nice to know people keep wanting to come back for more. 😉

@Anon Josh helped me to see what I was missing out on, even though when I broke up with my ex I had NO intention on dating Josh or anyone. But yes, I had been emotionally checked out of the relationship for a while. It just took the Equal Tablets to make me see that things weren't going to change.

@Becky *maniacal evil laughter* I could draw this story out for months. MONTHS, I TELL YOU.

So. I passed out in the middle of the classroom, my freshman year, my sugar dropped ( I'm not even diabetic, I just was really skinny & didnt eat a lot, 2 problems I wish I had now, ha!)I bet this chick still thinks of your DH like "he saved my life!" like I do of the..janitor, er whoever. That's awesome.Dude..equal tablets? What the fuck ARE those things?? Like, cancer is a dissolving tablet? Also, you left me my new favorite blog comment "dude. fuck a bunch a geese"It's only second to why someone didn't enter my contest again "I cant twitter..I tried.. I'm retwittered "(or did she say I'm twitarded?) I am an advocate of not using the R word, but that just cracked me up.

@Kate DUDE you totally missed a "let's all quote Billy Madison for an hour and a half" party on Twitter the other night. Me, and three other people were going back and forth for an hour and a freaking half. It was amazing.

so I realize I'm late on the bandwagon here because I'm reading back and catching up BUT… i want to know the damn Equal tablets story!! LOL! It's ALLLL about the details for me! I am going to start chanting at your door! EQUAL TAB-LETS! EQUAL TAB-LETS! Do tell? Please????