December 27th, 2012

To fix my FAT arms really…

This picture taken almost 2 years ago is so hard for me to associate with. My arms are just huge for me- I can’t stop looking at them! They just look like the arms of some middle aged woman- not me! That guy loves me so much, he lives to make me feel loved and precious- but even he gently mentioned the fat arms awhile ago. I am just so grateful that he is still 100 pounds more than me and keeps me feeling small.

I am a day away from being 52 years old. I have never worried about aging- the numbers seemed to go by with out any real concern about the increasing years of life they represented. I have always been proud of looking a significant number of years less than I really was….

Until recently… the weight I have gained recently has aged me dramatically.

I have never been thin. I am built to be “sturdy”, size 6-8 was my general range, but with size 8 shoes and “man” hands I would never have been mistaken for delicate. I have been small, but powerful all my life. Just like many women my body was never exactly what I wanted. I was always slightly more pounds than I thought I should be- thicker thighs and smaller boobs- but a flat tummy and a nice bubble of a butt made me OK with what I had. I never obsessed about weight and actually in comparison to many others I was proud that - the little body of mine could power through ANYTHING. Five children, expert skier, powerful hiker…

My weight past…

As a teen I was about 145 pounds- slightly chubby for my 5′3″ height. By my early 20’s I was cute and compact at 125, with the occational drop to under 120. I would weigh about 165 by the time I went to the hospital to have anyone of the 5 kids, then I would have to spend a year or so dropping from my post baby weight of 145 to about 130-135, occationally dipping back to my “fighting weight” of 125. At age 40 Iwas horrified that I was back up to my teen chubby weight of 145 and worked like a fiend to get back down to under 130 for a family vacation on the beach- that made my sister in laws green with envy.

A horrific divorce, a massive work schedule to afford life, a new love- and I was back up to the 145 range towards the end of my 40’s. Then, without any past history of my body doing this to me, it took 6 months of not really watching my weight or working out to gain 10-15 pounds. I was horrified- but then gained more!

Where I am now…

Instead of being a 5, 10, or maybe 20 pounds overweight athletic woman- I am now an obese, middle aged woman (weighing what I went to the hospital to deliver a baby at- 165 pounds!) who is going to have to lose 45 pounds to be healthy again.

The next few days will be my planning days. I will need some ammunition to begin this battle.