Month: September, 2012

I just got off a very inspirational phone call. One thing that the woman I was talking to helped me to realize was this idea of always saying sorry. It made me wonder – how, why and when do I live with apologies.

It’s as if I feel I am burdening others by allowing my emotions to flow. By asking more questions. By asking for help. Even by being in the way when someone else is in a rush.

Should we apologize that we are the way we are? Does our apology point to an idea that we think we should have a different standard of ourselves? a different idea of how we should act, or who we should be? Is that a realistic healthy standard?

I think there comes a time of true acceptance. At this time you can stand strong in not only your expressions, but your needs and your desires. You aren’t whining, or putting up a fit, but you are graciously accepting what is and perhaps seeking change or comfort. Is there anything wrong with that?

I am going to look out for this and I encourage you to too. When is a time you feel you have to say sorry just for your existence or the way you are acting. Does it really call for an apology?

I have been torn by a decision. What I realized last night as I sat saying I was “worried” that if I follow what would bring joy that then I would be too tired, too overwhelmed, too etc, that my mindset what going to create that very situation. I was working with the rational mind.

So this morning, when I choose to follow the joy, when I chose to find the bliss in the situation and pursue it despite rational arguments against it, everything fell into place. I had a surge of energy unlike I had in a while. I saw, instead of worry that to pursue this thing would bring me tremendous happiness and joy, despite the long journey there.

The point of this vague and rather convoluted story is to remind us all that we must insert joy into every day, especially into our decisions. We must pursue, against the rational mind’s arguments, that which brings us joy and accept the risk of such a commitment.

It has occurred to me that this is one of my favorite topics to write about. Most likely it is because it is “creating space” is my actual job right now, not planning events, or being a wife, or being a friend, sister, writer, yogini…The real work is carving out space in your mind, heart, body, physical space, schedule, so that each of those roles has not only time to do what is tasked to them, but to roll around in the grass, to muse and dwell in the space of what it means to be in that role.

It is counter-intuitive to think that to do more, you first has to do less, yet this is the truth I have found.

As more responsibilities and projects come to me, I find I have to first make space, to separate myself from the tasks and rolls and just be. Sure there is the tightening in the chest that says, “whoa… how are you going to do that too?” but that is exactly what the space addresses. I figure that I have a choice. I can be overwhelmed and controlled by the tight chest, or I can say “stop!”- to my mind, my body, my thoughts, my chest, my emotions and tell them to chill out. It is an interesting conversation I have with these parts of my physical and emotional body, but it’s vital. I usually then think expansive thoughts about “how other people do it”. I think -“Oh, well! Imagine if you had a kid!” Then I think about the President of the country, or people who own 13 companies! Yea, I can address this new thing as my responsibility. I can handle this!

In addition to this self-talk, I have a few other methods that I would love to share, for you and as a nice reminder for myself as I continue to make way into being a more contributive, responsible, organized and joyous being!

* Start with the breath!

When the chest tightens or the head starts to ache, or perhaps you just feel tired at the thought of what you have to do, stop everything and breath deeply. You don’t have to know any breathing exercises, just count while you inhale, count while you exhale. Add a mantra or simply keep your focus on your breath. You are creating space physically, emotionally, schedully, mentally! (For those of us who have had the habit of eating when stressed, breathing deeply will help you get the same effect that food does without the regret and tummy ache later)

*Organize something!

I know, but there are so many other things to do! I don’t care. You will be a more effective, efficient, useful and happy person if you clean up the pile you have been “meaning” to get to. This now is your priority. Clean it up! it will help you gain momentum, as well as, give you space away from your “to-do” list. This time is actually a time your sub and super conscious will order your other tasks, making them easier and manageable when you get to them.

* Move your body!

I am not talking something strenuous, if you don’t want (kill the “shoulds” that are controlling you!). But get outside. Walk. Stretch. Do yoga. Laugh. While you might think you don’t “have time” to do something like that, it is actually your priority! It creates space for you, on a cellular, spiritual, mental and emotional level.