"This year, I vow to get more of my time consumed by video games. I swear to make as few friends as possible, avoid exercise and healthy eating regardless of how bad I feel. I won't get closer to my relatives or try to be generous. None of my time and effort will be devoted to finding a job, making money to help out, or move out of my parent's house. And I will do absolutely everything in my power to make myself completely unattractive and repulsive to any and all members of the opposite sex."