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So I took a week off from writing about round 4 which was probably a precedent set by Paul Marks taking the week off from reffing. I was a bit annoyed with rugby in general after that and even more so when the mistake was “admitted” by the IRB which still left the Sharks on 0/4. So, this weekend I am not blaming the ref for the Sharks loss and instead I am going to offer you my ramblings which is the wrap for week 5.

Chiefs (19) vs Crusaders (26)
I picked the Chiefs to win this at home. I felt they would come back hard after losing to the Reds. I evaluated the form of both teams and delved deep into the strength of each player and the experience out wide for the Chiefs.

I was wrong.

The Chiefs actually deserved to lose by quite a bit more. Like most rugby games, this was a game of 2 halves. In the first, the rugby was fluid and exciting but after both teams injected themselves with Valium, the second half was as a sedate as a stoned poodle. 23-16 at half time, 26-19 at full time. The 2nd half was a massive 3-3 which was trumped this weekend only by the Maritzburg College 16a team beating DHS 3-0 (yes, at rugby not soccer). As usual, Crusaders began the season in holiday mode, eased into it with a yawn and a stretch and will only get better towards the later stages. The Chiefs confused themselves by beginning the season with 3 victories after last year’s Sharkesque 3-loss start. They seem to be out of ideas already and if not for Steven Donald kicking a few penalties, they wouldn’t have been close to 7 points behind. Saders are my number 2 team for the season and I expect an IPL score when they play the Lions this weekend and for that reason, congratulations must be extended to young Robert Fruean for being selected into my fantasy rugby side. Chiefs wave bye this weekend.

Waratahs (73) vs Lions (12)
The Kings 15 Punjab, aka the Waratahs, played the Lions. In the first innings, the Waratahs were a bit disappointed to only score 73 with Drew Mitchell their top scorer with 20. The Lions defense was shocking and they were skittled out for a paltry 12, losing the game by 61. The Punjabs play the Force this weekend and are expected again to be restricted to under 100 while the Lions will not be looking forward to facing the Crusaders attack.

Brumbies (24) vs Sharks (22)
I was almost given a good a reason for dragging my hangover out of bed to watch the game. Almost. I must be honest, there was one amazing highlight out of the game for the Sharks: the commentators correcting their previous assumption that Andy Goode’s hairstyle was a combover. Thanks to the Aussie commentators supporting criminals for decades, they were able to give us the correct terminology which is a skullet – skull in the front and party at the back. Now you know.

Kanko was the only Shark that had deservedly been selected in Dean’s fantasy rugby side but after his -5 this weekend, I have to revaluate his selection. Other than that, Giteau continues to be the world’s most overrated flyhalf, Jannie du Plessis the most overrated rugby player on earth and John Plumtree the most ineffective coach.

Bulls (50) vs Highlanders (35)
Jacques Kallis’ Bulls continue their run of half centuries. But, this one was a bit different. I think the Bulls were up for a challenge and decided to try play one of the teams left handed. They played some serious shite during the game and still managed 50, LEFT HANDED! That’s how good this side is. If not for Israel Baghdad taking the Bulls on by himself and if the Bulls had played right handed, the score could have been about 3589 – 3.

And, to continue finding challenges in this boring game of rugby, the Bulls are rumoured to search other planets for a team that can match them or they are playing the Hurricanes this weekend blindfolded and only allowed to run backwards. Highlanders are giving the Sharks their best opportunity of winning a rugby game when they fly back to the island.

Stormers (37) vs Hurricanes (13)
The most complete performance of the weekend easily belongs to the Cape Town team. The party in long street is still going on. They proved after the first 4 weeks that they can defend, conceding even less points than the Sharks have scored this season! 51 in 5 games with an average of 10.2 per game. Put it another way, Stormers have conceded in 5 games what the Bulls have almost scored per game. For the first time this century, they showed they could attack. That wing with the long name who plays number 14 showed us that he does actually know what rugby is about and had Nick Mallett screaming into his Italian food, “I knew he was a good buy, you see, you see, I told you I knew what I was doing!” Old Nick got so excited about his import he forgot to coach the Italians against France.

Stormers are really impressing me now. Their pack has surprised a few people and Allister Coetzee is proving his coaching credentials. Maybe he wasn’t ready to take over from JW for the Bok job but he clearly knows what he is doing and is going to be epic in a few seasons time. Out of the last 3 games the biggest difference for the Stormers is who started at scrumhalf. Duvenhage was at 9 in the last 2 games they won with 5 log points while the loss to the Brumbies started with Ricky I-am-so-slow-to-get-to-the-breakdown-and-need-3-steps-to-build-momentum-up-to-pass Januarie. A Bulls/Stormers final would be awesome and is a definite possibility! For now though, they play against the Cheetahs in what should be an entertaining match while the Canes will be conceding 50 points in Pretoria. How many they score will determine if they win.

Reds (50) vs Force (10)
The roundest score of the week goes to the Reds Force. No change required if you had to pay the score out. 50, 10. Nice. Good work. To be honest, I learnt my lesson from Saturday about getting out of bed too early so didn’t watch this. Watching 2 Australian teams is ALWAYS going to be disappointing as one of them will win. I don’t like watching Aussie’s win anything so I am hardly going to subject myself to a game where there is guaranteed to be an Aussie victory. On the bright side, there was an Aussie team that got a hiding this weekend! The Force are comfortably lined up as the Sharks genuine victory chance this season. Chatting to the 2 people I know who watched this game both mentioned one name, Quade Cooper, so I imagine he had a decent game. Is anyone even reading this far? Do you actually care about this game? Fine, I am not writing anymore about it then.

@Hertford Highlander (Comment 8) : and no shit we have to play them when they get back oh pleaseeee sharks wake up otherwise we will be maalvleis and not just by 50 more like 1000 only joking guys aaahhh

Comment 10, posted at 15.03.10 17:10:55 by Charmaine

That will be embarrassing if we end up below the cheetahs. In theory we should be pwning most of these teams…

Comment 11, posted at 15.03.10 17:12:32 by lostfish

@lostfish (Comment 11) : oh shit i’ll never hear the end to that hubby will bost the rest of the year please sharks you can’t allow that just enough of that with a bb son

@diablo (Comment 13) : aahhhh i must get me one for the bar my son brought one of those dancing bulls where we camped last year and when in the mood he plays this bull (bulle eet nie van die vloer af nie) i think he needs a nose ring to keep him quite aaahhh

Comment 15, posted at 15.03.10 17:27:51 by Charmaine

Great way to end the day – lots of laughs in the post – best way to take the obvious painful medicine…..

@Charmaine (Comment 15) : Seems like you have a very gifted son
I believe that a “sharkie” is available too, but has never been marketed here because it a also plays the BB song – the oriental manufacturers seemed to think all SA teams use the same song

Comment 20, posted at 15.03.10 17:34:23 by diablo

Thanks guys, glad you enjoyed it. I missed about 3 deadlines writing it. I can only imagine the feeling of writing one of these with a Sharks victory under the belt. Losing is becoming too boring.

Comment 21, posted at 15.03.10 17:35:32 by deanoelsch

@deanoelsch (Comment 21) : so are some bulls saying here where i am just now the bulls won’t have any supporters to watch them will be say another win why go

Comment 22, posted at 15.03.10 17:39:04 by Charmaine

@diablo (Comment 20) : no shit that one bull that dances is more enough on the bar plate

Comment 23, posted at 15.03.10 17:43:19 by Charmaine

Has anybody seen a Sharks cage lately?

The amount of Nulle jerseys on display and for sale is despicable. It’s almost a 50% split with Sharks jerseys, if not more.

Can’t believe they’ll stoop that low for money, sis.

Comment 24, posted at 15.03.10 17:43:32 by FireTheLooser

@diablo (Comment 20) : Aren’t you guys singing Tina Turner’s ‘you’re simply the best’ to each other now days while hugging?

Comment 25, posted at 15.03.10 17:45:39 by FireTheLooser

Got one favour to ask all the sharks fans we need a shark song pleaseeee and not the one that fred nest sings we need a new one you heard what diablo wrote so anybody got singer friends that sings

Comment 26, posted at 15.03.10 17:45:41 by Charmaine

@Charmaine (Comment 12) : at least I take consolation that we don’t have Steve Hofmeyer writing hectic embarrasing songs about the Sharks.

Comment 27, posted at 15.03.10 17:47:32 by lostfish

@Charmaine (Comment 26) : We’ve been saying that for a loooooong time……the ‘we are black, we are white, we are…we are…dynamite’ song is really embarrassing.

@Charmaine (Comment 2) : I agree with you on this one, we really do not have to be negative, remember negative thoughts (especially in black and white) bring negative results, so LETS ALL STAY POSITIVE and have faith in the Sharks.

Comment 59, posted at 16.03.10 09:16:17 by dawnwallenkamp

@deanoelsch (Comment 21) : Soon soon soon you will be writing about a win, SHarks forever

Comment 60, posted at 16.03.10 09:20:56 by dawnwallenkamp

@Charmaine (Comment 58) : Talking about Round 6, pls help me choose a team for LMS, I am still in the competition but have no lifeline so HAVE to choose a team that will definately win.

@Hertford Highlander (Comment 68) : What do you reckon will happen this weekend….Sharks or Landers?

Who’s playing the Saders?

Comment 69, posted at 16.03.10 10:23:48 by FireTheLooser

@dawnwallenkamp (Comment 61) : Crusaders, Stormers, Waratahs or ….Sharks will definitely win. Blues probable over the Brumbies, but not definite. And I’m hoping for a Hurricanes win this weekend, because I’m sick of seeing the Bulls win.

@FireTheLooser (Comment 69) : Highlanders v Sharks…i think it will be close. But i just don’t think the Sharks can sustain long periods of pressure on attack. My head say Highlanders….and i think they will be goodish

I am sure the Sharks will pull it through this weekend, but it will be another close game. The fatigue after the long flight should swing the game in the Sharks’ favor.

Comment 74, posted at 16.03.10 10:34:53 by FireTheLooser

@Hertford Highlander (Comment 73) : No not the Highlanders against the Sharks, the one thing the Sharks are doing well, we all can admit, is defending. The Highlanders won’t score tries against the Sharks and the Sharks should at least be able to score a couple against the Highlanders….
Especially with Plumtree’s vehement denial of any friction in the Sharks team.

Comment 75, posted at 16.03.10 10:35:34 by Letgo

@FireTheLooser (Comment 74) : I thought the fatigue factor would help us against the Brumbies . . . maybe it`s not such a big thing after all . . .

Comment 76, posted at 16.03.10 10:38:22 by Original Pierre

@FireTheLooser (Comment 74) : I just can’t see it. The flight will be a factor….but that just may keep the score at bay….Highlanders have looked good all season on attack, i think…they have just run into some teams with basically more firepower eg Crusaders, Bulls, Stormers, Blues…all teams just basically better than us !

Comment 77, posted at 16.03.10 10:39:12 by Hertford Highlander

During the CC we’ll know whether Plum is the weak link in the Sharks setup, that’s if he does in fact take a break.

If memory serves me right, last year when Plum went to NZ during the CC, was the best game the Sharks played for the whole of last year.

Comment 78, posted at 16.03.10 10:41:19 by FireTheLooser

@Original Pierre (Comment 76) : The Brumbies were already in their 2nd week at home against the Sharks. They played the Lions in their first week and didn’t play that well.

Comment 79, posted at 16.03.10 10:41:30 by Pokkel

@Letgo (Comment 75) : You’ve got that seriously wrong Letgo….you will be boggled by the stats that may emerge.

@Original Pierre (Comment 76) : We played the ‘Tahs all fatigued, we all know that game was basically a win.

Imagine what the Lions score would have been had they played the Brumbles a week later…..they’d be heading for their third consecutive cricket score this weekend.

Comment 83, posted at 16.03.10 10:45:50 by FireTheLooser

@FireTheLooser (Comment 81) : No he will be back broken hand or not…..has to be !

Comment 84, posted at 16.03.10 10:45:54 by Hertford Highlander

oh yeah – Saders is the real gimme on LMS. I can’t pick them cos I already used them a few rounds ago That’s why I went with Tahs

Comment 85, posted at 16.03.10 10:47:06 by robdylan

@robdylan (Comment 85) : Highlanders then a gimme but what about round 7 Sharks v Reds who’s gonna win that

Comment 86, posted at 16.03.10 10:50:23 by Hertford Highlander

I think i meant round 8

Comment 87, posted at 16.03.10 10:51:17 by Hertford Highlander

@Hertford Highlander (Comment 86) : Reds, by the same logic. Sharks will be stuffed after the tour and the Reds are a bloody good side this year.

If we can’t beat the Cheetahs in Durban, don’t see how we can expect to beat the Reds.

Comment 88, posted at 16.03.10 10:53:40 by robdylan

@robdylan (Comment 88) : Interesting…Reds do have some decent backs this year which look a real hand full. Anyway Rob must dash. I’ve drafted a couple of articles for this weekends match will send them through for you to cast your journalistic eye over. Let the week begin !

Comment 89, posted at 16.03.10 10:57:12 by Hertford Highlander

@robdylan (Comment 88) : Luckily we’ll have a bye the next week, so hopefully the Sharks will throw everything into that game.