Friday, June 19, 2009

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

(Moist, moist, baby.)

As much as I try not to come off as some sort of fender apologist or wheelbrow proselytizer, if you live in the New York City area it's hard not to notice that it now officially rains All The Time. It's also hard to imagine how one can manage without fenguards (which combines "fenders" and "mudguards" and as such is the pretentious "mid-Atlantic" term). Certainly the expression "biblical proportions" is an overused one, but we really have reached the point here where even the most worldly people among us are beginning to wonder if indeed we are being punished somehow. Personally, I'm starting to believe there may be some sort of cycling deity, and that deity has decided to drench us until we adopt the Way of the Fender. And while we've been granted a respite today, there's no end in sight to the deluge. Just check out the local forecast:

Tomorrow's weather will certainly call for wheelbrows. Furthermore, it looks pretty wild and unpredictable, hence the George Wipple advisory. (George Wipple is a local cable news "society reporter" known primarily for the twin toilet brushes which hover menacingly above his eyeballs.) Sunday and Monday will bring steady rain, hence the steady, reassuring brows of Sam Elliott. Tuesday's precipitation will be intermittent, and the week will finish off with isolated thunderstorms. While that may be an improvement, it's certainly no time to let your guard down, hence the groomed yet still ample brows of Vintage Brooke Shields. Also, make sure you palp waterproof makeup. (In a pinch I use drivetrain grime. It really brings out my eyes. It also makes them tear uncontrollably.)

18 months to heal, another 2 months to find out the ink is toxic and then the rest of your life with tattoo removal scars.... Sound smart to me. I also think that the correct answer should have included the 'only visible to hipsters' option.

BTW, I believe there is a cycling deity and buying or selling an obviously stolen ghost bike is certain doom on judgement day. Yes, you'd be damned to an eternity of riding stoker on a fixed gear tandem with a hopped up Claudio Chiappucci as your captain, or doing hill repeats on Ventoux riding a tandem with Didi Senft as your stoker. Perhaps merely getting lapped by a pissed off Richard Groenedaal on a horse pasture course. Yes, that would be hell.

...& missy...you were the queen of the downhill in yer day, (& pot busts are pretty fucking bogus...besides, think about it, 400lbs X millions of everyday smokers = gone in a toke) but when it comes to hangin' 'em out w/ nipple tape, well sorry babe but wendy o. williams ruled that shit...

...while hinault is still out there looking to kick somebody's, anybody's ass, ex-pro italians either become cool team directors or just wait & become the handsome, elegant, silver haired, "dignified gentleman in the background" at the races...

...that being said, mario cipollini still looks like he's trying to get laid...& yes, i know he's married w/ several lovely children...that, of course, doesn't preclude his still trying to get laid...aaah, he's italian, uh ???...

I don't see why the brake lever has to be mounted on the bike at all. Maybe on the hand ala X-man Wolverine or on the back of the jersey, using bluetooth to activate the caliper which is powered by...Shimano electric shift powerpack? Perhaps even the ironic spoke card with a picture of a brake lever. My ideas are like Doritos...take all you want, I'll make more.

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About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!