Aw! I love these kind of stories! At first in this chapter I thought it was from Ino's point of veiw so I got confused when it said 'my daughter waving at me'. _' anyways, write more! Shikamaru's one of my favs so don't not update the story or I won't ever review again! (haha I probably scared u didn't I?) I actually thought of writing a story about this but then I saw this and wuz like "NEVER MIND!" X3

the last thing that i expected when i clicked on this story was an abusive fic. er. that's just... weird. i really dont get your shikamaru, he is nothing like him except for the troublesome remarks you put on occasionally. at the beginning i thought you were describing an OC, until near the end.

shikamaru and abuse? the concept is extremely foreign, especially considering his parents, and his personality. it's like you got out a mary sue and plastered shikamaru's name on it, because this makes no sense!

ok. i read yur a/n at the bottom and decided to continue reading. still didn't really like it. i dont know, theres just something pitiful about it. not your writing, but shikamaru himself. and not in a good way. the beginning just screamed 'PITY ME!' its like one of the everyday abuse fics, only with a slight naruto twist, and an author who had to pick the most difficult person to put it on. i mean, sakura, or naruto, or kiba would've been way easier. what i'm saying is to add some interesting details or add ons that immediately screams shikamaru while still sounding original. and i would recommend if you would lay out the facts, details, and flashbacks in a less direct way. this is just a whumpfest, no offence.

and shikamaru crying? that concept is also foreign, even at his age. i would expect his genius mind to go into shock, as he stumbles into the yamanaka house with a blank look on his face, but lets out one small sob when inoichi hugs him. that would've been more shikamaru-like.

and ino and chouji, they ARE shikamaru's best friends, so a chapter in their POV's would be cool too. i need to see some of that pure chouji/shikamaru friendship that was so unique in naruto. and what about his teachers? iruka maybe? or tsunade? o.O naruto finding out would be interesting...

in the end, you've got one OOC shikamaru, one horribly AU parent, and a normal every day angst whumpfest. hurrah.

hm. do you read twilight? that vampire book? before you look at me in disgust, let me explain. i know a fanfic from it that absolutely blew my mind away. i'm serious, that author was a god, writing the intense emotions with utter perfection. read only the first chapter, and you'll get many tips on your story.

short cap: the cullen family are a family of vampires that are a sort of 'vegetarians,' drinking animal blood. jaspar and alice, the newbies to the family, go hunting, but jaspar accidentally kills a human. note here that jaspar has the gift of empathy, and can read emotions, and that he had recently quit human blood, so it is harder to resist them than any other vampire. carlisle, the father figure of the family, goes off to find him when he runs away, consumed with guilt.

the fanfic is called:

"And Then He Took My Hand Part 2: Jaspar" a Twilight fanfic by hopesallthings.

even if you haven't read twilight, i absolutely recommend you read this fanfic.

It's alright, and seems like it will get a lot better as it goes on. I personally don't like it when Shika's dad is cast as being abusive, but I can't help it. Will there be a romantic pairing in this story? Sorry if that sounds dumb.

Oh, and witholding chapters/updates until people review, make people NOT want to review. Just so you know.