All corporations are evil, but some are less evil than others. That's what these protesters had to be thinking when they gathered in droves at Starbucks to drink decadent lattes during the anti-war, anti-corporate, anti-capitalist, and anti-American protest at Washington, DC on March 18, 2006 to mark the 3rd anniversary of Iraqi liberation Imperialist War for Oil.

Unfortunately for the progressive movement, the consumption of bourgeois drinks was caught on tape by capitalist running dogs, thus exposing the soft belly of the Party's class struggle.

For Party members eyes only! In this classified video, anti-corporate rebels get caught on tape while patronizing decadent Starbucks as they protest War For Oil™. Turns out rebellion doesn't get in the way of these fighters for justice as they consume corporate products, burn oil, and drink lattes.

FACT: Big Coffee is just as evil as Big Oil!

During war time latte consumption by progressive protesters increases by 80%, driving Starbucks' profit through the roof. Business is so good that coffee giants might as well enter into a corporate conspiracy and start a war just to sell more coffee! The reality of class struggle propaganda points to the fact that if they can they will!

The meager turnout of about 200 unwashed children of the streets and elderly Party members (more people attended Milosevic's funeral!) ruined our plans to take over the White House and distribute the power to each according to their need (and we need the power more than others!) The Party resorted to Plan B and guided the glorious march of the masses from Dick Cheney's Mansion to DuPont Circle - but did not anticipate that the Starbucks joint on the corner would seem more attractive to these fighters for economic justice than the inflammatory anti-corporate rhetoric by our best propagandists with corporate-made self-made megaphones.

In vain did we hope that "small turnout" would translate into "cream of the crop." As the classified film shows, the masses were far from the stoic ideal of the fanatical uncompromising rebel willing to sacrifice selfish needs on the altar of the Common Good™. Most of these weak-spirited fellow travelers turned out to be mere Useful Idiots™ and will have to be horded into boxcars and shipped off to re-education centers after they help us to grab power get elected. Shoveling permafrost in sub-arctic temperatures will remedy their addiction to lattes faster than a Party member can say "decadent bourgeois beverage!"

Today we present you a short, 3.5 min. version of the classified film. A longer version is currently in production and will become available next week, so don't switch the channel or else!

''DAMN CORPORATIONS AND THEIR HONDAS!!'" One of the "accepted slogans of tommorow". Next time I roll down the street chanting No Blood For Oil with my progressive brethren in my new Lexus or better yet my Expedition where I can bring more moonbats, I will be sure to shout down the sheep who flock to the $tarbuck$ and direct them otherwise to "alternative" sources of refreshment. Perhaps like a mom and pop coffee joint or the gutter sludge on the curb.Bravo Comrade Red Square, Bravo....

But Prof, sir, those lattes are taxed. Isn't that good? I thought taxes were good.

Yes, those lattes are taxed...BUT there are so many moral alternatives to Starbucks.

Here are just a few examples of where people should purchase lattes without contributing to the genocidal war against the working class:

- On board Amtrak trains- At a nearby unionized supermarket- At a food coop- From a government building vending machine (This is DC, after all...)- From any nearby community garden that grows coffee beans- From the crevices of any dumpster

Would'nt it be in the best interest of the People if the consumption of coffee was outlawed completely by the Party (with the exception of prominent Inner-Party members naturally). How many poor oppressed Columbian children/elderly have been persecuted and slaughtered in the refinement of the bean? We must END our addiction to coffee and our dependence on foreign beanery. They are BLOOD BEANS comrade!!! But I like your ideas too of course! Its just this is a moral quagmire for me and I need proper guidance from those who are intelligent....

Would'nt it be in the best interest of the People if the consumption of coffee was outlawed completely by the Party (with the exception of prominent Inner-Party members naturally). How many poor oppressed Columbian children/elderly have been persecuted and slaughtered in the refinement of the bean? We must END our addiction to coffee and our dependence on foreign beanery. They are BLOOD BEANS comrade!!! But I like your ideas too of course! Its just this is a moral quagmire for me and I need proper guidance from those who are intelligent....

Outlawing coffee is an excellent idea for the reasons you give -- though you neglected to mention the unfairness of some people being able to afford coffee while others must do without. But then, perhaps the people deserve coffee! So, what we need is Universal Coffee Access legislation. Something like the Canadian health-care model. Everyone will pay a new tax so that coffee will be provided for free, with retailers selected by Congress and compensated according to rates that are determined by the Senate Coffee Access Commission. This will ensure free coffee for everyone, everywhere.

After watching this disturbing film and reading the fine words of Professor Kurgman its become obvious that coffee is so important to society that it must be nationalized. I know that nationalization isn't a popular word anymore so what we should do is demand a "single-payer" system of coffee distribution.

Coffee drinks continue to get more and more expensive, how are we to continue paying more and more? From which countries should coffee beans be purchased? Who should we favor? And what about the rights of the baristas? These issues need to be addressed in congress. We need to make coffee more political! Only with a single-payer coffee system can we hope to solve complicated coffee questions and out-of-sight spiraling coffee costs.

No one's ever been able to tell me why only the privileged should be able to afford a grande cafe mocha java no-fat with whipped cream and cinnamon and just a touch of vanilla while the poor can barely afford a tall Americano. No one has ever been able to tell me why government can't run a business as well or better than private enterprise. Imagine Starbucks as a government agency.

Yes, that's it, we nationalize Starbucks! Everyone should be entitled to free Latte. Forget these complicated "single-payer" systmes designed by corporations (and their Hondas) to confuse the average proleta....err citizen.

No, no, no! You socialists would nationalize Starbucks? There's no need to go that far... What we need to do is apply the Anti-Trust laws. Starbucks needs to be broken up. It is a clear violation of the Sherman Anti-Trust Act for one corporation to roast, package, distribute through grocers, and also own retail outlets that then further refine and sell their company's coffee products. This is known as a combination in restraint of trade. A hundred years ago Standard Oil was broken up for doing much the same thing with oil. By owning every facet of production Standard Oil reduced their costs and provided their customers with the best, least expensive product. No one can compete with the best. Competition is the American way! Starbucks is nothing but a monopolistic octopus using unfair anti-competitive practices. As proof of Starbucks success at restraint of trade - have you ever even heard of House of Halliburton Coffee?

I couldnt help but notice the discolored plastic prosthetic rear-end on the angry French Comrade dressed in all black. How do we get him sent to the Gulag for such a disturbing display OR exploited in the next propaganda reel as someone who has suffered such a deformity due to drinking to much $tarbuck$ latte....

The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent, by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other - until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand

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