Worst in Twelve: Where the UK went wrong in Eurovision 2015

Let me be honest, I could see this result coming from miles out. Electro Velvet came 25th with only 5 points, 60% of these coming from San Marino. This has left some hardcore EV fans scratching their heads as to why the UK crashed and burned for yet another year, achieving their worst finish in points since the infamous nul points of 2003. So, what did go wrong? Sweden have now won 4 contests in the same time it’s taken the UK to win 1, and now they have leapt into second place in terms of number of wins. From an EV hater from the reveal to the end, here are my ideas to give the BBC their long-awaited sixth Eurovision win:

1. Experiment, but with a song that Europe might actually like!

Do you remember the rumours about Grace Savage being the UK act? I think that she would’ve been excellent for Eurovision this year. Eurovision hasn’t seen anything like her before, and it’s not misogynistic ‘electro swing’ that will only appeal to a very limited number of people. If it doesn’t work, we may not earn many points, but it would’ve been a respectable number, and we’d have the knowledge that beatbox isn’t something Europe would like.

2. Send someone we’ve actually heard of!

Blue in 2011, we’d heard of them, they came 11th with 100 points. Electro Velvet is still a potato waffley duo of no-hopers, 25th, 5 points. Enough said.

3. Give us our national selection back, but make sure all of the songs are decent!

4, Start taking Eurovision seriously again

Points 3 and 4 go together really, the UK needs to return to a national selection and stop trusting our chances each year to a select group of BBC employees who have proven themselves to be so incredibly out of touch with what both Britain and Europe wants. From 2007, we know that whenever a comedic entry is offered in a NS, the UK public send it to the far reaches of Europe, just for the banter. This needs to stop, so make sure all of the songs in a NS are decent!!