Police Dispatch

Billiards-Ball Toss

An elderly woman, indubitably drunk and on drugs, caused a scene in a pub using a pool ball and some pretty rough language—before fleeing to her car to scream in the parking lot, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.

Staff at Riley's Irish Tavern, 1510 N. La Cholla Blvd., said the woman had entered already tipsy, then became downright belligerent after washing down some pills with more booze from the bar. A witness said that after she was cut off, she tried to steal another patron's drink right from his hands, and when asked to leave (by way of a cab staff had called), she furiously threw a billiards ball at yet another patron.

Half the customers then reportedly left (including the target of the lethal pool-ball assault) while the woman went to her car, only to inch it out of its parking space and shout incessantly at nobody from the driver's seat.

Sheriff's deputies found her—an older Caucasian female in a flowered summer dress— still in the parking lot behind the wheel of a Ford minivan with watery eyes, slurred speech and a flushed face. She searched for her driver's license extremely slowly, twice forgetting what she was even looking for (before finally remembering it was in the bar).

She tried to follow instructions but was argumentative and used "copious amounts of profanity," saying that "what (deputies) were doing to her was wrong." She failed abominably on field sobriety tests, and a breathalyzer showed her blood-alcohol concentration as .233.

Asked if she were ill or injured, all she said was that she "fell on her butt inside the bar."