Thinking, about cycling. "Anybody whose mind is proud enough not to breed true secretly carries a bomb at the back of his brain; and so I suggest, just for the fun of the thing, taking that private bomb and carefully dropping it upon the model city of commonsense." (This blog began as an archive of DYNAMITE!, the newsletter of London Dynamo cycling club, which you can still access via "DYNAMITE! filed" in the list below on the left.)

DYNAMITE! #68, 19.08.05

November 21, 2010

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #68, 19.08.05

BIRTHDAY BUOYED
The lengthy editorial meetings held by the DYNAMITE! team produce some brilliant ideas to make Britain’s best Dyna-matic bulletin even better – but like many of the exclusive Cyclefitted machines in NICK ‘BOMBSHELL’ PEACOCK’s garage, they hardly ever see the light of day. One suggestion still sitting on the shelf is a regular slot called It’s Your Birthday which, as you may have already guessed, gives a Dyna-mention to members who are lucky enough to celebrate the day of their birth during the past week. Once we have the information, the piece would practically write itself! Unfortunately, the logistical problems of transferring more than 170 birth dates from the Dynamo supercomputer in race secretary PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN’s Nasa-like technology suite to our steam-age Vic 20 many floors below proved insurmountable – so it’s a victory of sorts for us to announce the birthday of just one Dynamate in this very issue. Step forward IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE! The hard-riding lad celebrated turning 32 on Tuesday with another great result at Crystal Palace – although another big-hitter from the barmy blue, black and orange army taught him there were to be no gifts, even on a day when he could rightfully expect a few presents. So come with us now as we make up for his disappointment by bringing out the iced sponge cake topped with dozens of burning candles. Here comes the first puff…

PAINE SO CLOSE TO PLEASURE
This is becoming a habit! Dynamo has nabbed the No.1 spot at the Crystal Palace E/1/2 race yet again, which makes it the third time in four weeks that the capital’s most consistent cycle squad has won the event. It could have been a quartet of consecutive victories if the club hadn’t been marshalling instead of racing a fortnight ago! Tough guy IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE latched onto the WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE express with 16 laps to go and accurately predicted a Dynamo 1-2 result – but he ended up pitting himself against his own team-mate by attacking up the hill less than 2km from the line. Brave man! True to form, the pony-tailed point-gobbler followed Bernard Hinualt’s motto of “pas de cadeau” and reeled in the birthday boy before winning the sprint by half a length. They put Simoni and Cunego to shame – and their antics put 5th-placed GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL in the shade after he turned up on his brand new titanium Omega! There was no inter-team rivalry in the 3/4 race, which saw SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON selflessly take an early solo flyer which forced the pack to pull him back – and with their opponents duly softened up, grumpy club president GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS was able to take 1st place in the bunch sprint. That should put a smile on his face for once!

THEY HAVANT A CLUE
Eagle-eyed readers who saw the pictures from the Havant GP on London Cycle Sport this week may have spotted IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE among the riders getting a stern ticking off from race officials before Russell Downing went onto win the premier calendar event. In what Ian rightly describes as “a bit of a mess”, police stopped the competition for 10 minutes as competitors had been urinating in the bushes. In a situation like that, it’s difficult to judge who was taking the pee more – the rozzers or the riders! Later on, the Hampshire constabulary excelled themselves by calling a halt again for more than an hour because of line crossing. Ian fumed: “A few riders drifting across the white line doesn’t make a dangerous race. By the time the restarted race hit the hills it was all single file anyway.” What a carry-on!

QUICK RE-CAP
On the subject of pressies, which we mentioned a couple of items ago, a lucky DYNAMITE! reader will receive a prestigious puncture repair kit worth £1.75 if they can come up with the funniest caption to go with the picture of Cyclefit guru PHIL ‘NO-NONSENSE’ CAVELL stuck up a mountain looking the worse for wear. That’s right, humour-loving reader – that hilarious photo we promised you a month ago has finally surfaced on the Dynamo website, so go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/content_pages/2005_archive/ld_newsletter_64.html and Dyna-mail your entry to news@londondynamo.co.uk with “Cap That!” in the subject heading. We know you can do better than our suggestions!

SEAN AND UNSHORN
Something else that’s been a long time coming is news of hairy-legged CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN’s brush with cycling royalty. The King of the Spinners came face-to-face with Sean Yates, the Duke of Discovery, at Newchapel on July 28th – and he told Lance Armstrong’s pal it felt like being in a wind tunnel when he left his protective slipstream during the Surrey League’s midweek 32-mile handicap race. The 2nd-placed directeur sportif responded by telling him to pump up his tyres more. Star-struck Chris, who finished 10th with his chum TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT four places ahead of him, says: “Obviously Sean wasn’t impressed with my 80psi set-up for extreme cornering action.” Those old MTB habits die hard!

GRACE NOTE
Finally, roaming ‘Mo ROBERT GRACE dropped us a quick note to say he took part in a boiling hot 3.7km time trial up a “nasty unrelenting hill” the Saturday before last at Le Vigan, a small town in the Cevennes area of southern France. The intrepid Dynamate was 3rd in the Masters 2 category with a time of 11mins 21secs while his youngest son Nestor was 4th in the under 15s and his eldest Linus won the under 17s competition. Robert says: “The French were not that happy about the foreigners coming in, but we’re Aussies so we had to win something last week!”

BLOWN OUT
Wisps of smoke are drifting up from the candles on the cake and we’re ready to carve ourselves an ample slice which we’ll nibble until our return in seven days’ time. Many thanks for all your contributions – and please remember we are a base layer of marzipan that we would be nothing without you, our creamy filling. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘CUPCAKE’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the knife plunges in, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THE LAST WORD
“We stopped in a town because it was my team-mate Daniel Atienza’s birthday. In Spain it is customary that the individual with the birthday buy treats, usually cookies, for all his friends. So Daniel bought everyone donuts and Coke.”

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This entry was posted on November 21, 2010 at 1:15 am and is filed under DYNAMITE! filed.