black bart wrote:Anyway, to get to the point...when I returned from holiday there was a card on the doormat saying a parcel had arrived and had been taken to the local Post Office. I turned up at the post office with my passport for identification and handed over the card. The lady behind the counter lifted up a very large parcel (about a foot and a half square) and looked at the address label...then she looked at my passport...

The parcel was addressed to Bart of course and I'm afraid that aint the name on me passport! She only believed me when I told her my correct post code...the cutlass slid back into the scabbard and she handed over the massive parcel.

Whot be the latest news on who be the father of me 3rd ale wench Molly McHenry who runned off with DaveL's bosuns mate name of Flick-- me knows ole Flick lost his flick if ye gets me during tha last pirate 'ow many bands o rubber can ye fits on it challenge. Hit fell off. 'E canta be de fadder.

My mantra
Just save the farkin Gorillas will you! They don't have spell check- but they do need YOU/US...
www.gorillafund.org

I Ned Speil Cheek!!!!!!!!

I'm *not* the lowest rank on this ship. What about the laboratory mice? I tell them something and they jump straight to it. "Yes, Mr. Lister Sir, eek,eek."

"I don't mean to sound bitter, cynical or cruel; but I am, so that's how it comes out." ~ Bill Hicks."To argue with a person who has renounced reason is like administering medicine to the dead." ~ Thomas Paine."One should not believe everything one reads on the internet." ~ Abraham Lincoln."If you're making a political point wearing a balaclava, you're a c***. It was true for the IRA and it's true now." ~ daftbeaker.

A new novella published by a retired member of Madame Fifi's staff has scandalised the Portsmouth Public and Press. Set in the 16th Century the novel (which I haven't even looked at, honest) apparently tells the seductive tale of life at the Royal Court. I managed to get a synopsis from the authoress herself who told me: "There are naughty bits in chapters 3 through to 12 and a very naughty bit quite near the end, but otherwise I have based the story on real events". I asked her if the Spanish Inquisition was involved but she said she wouldn't tell as it would spoil the surprise.

Madame Fifi is 93.

The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.

In a disturbing development today, a slightly bedraggled castaway turned up in Portsmouth Harbour, screaming incoherently that DaveL and his scurvy bunch will be invading England in July 1714. 'YArrr, now Margaret Thatcher has left the building, there be now stoppin' him' he screamed!

The entire UK Dugong population will be relocating to Iceland in readiness for his impending visit.

Grand Deducer Watson of Sherlock. NoName, no pack drill. Astral zone changed five times a day (flexible). Great at manifesting parking spaces by thought control. Hatred of terminology of survivors and commitment to win-win reality.

Thee dogge days of Springe have struck thee Northern Latitudes, and Portsmouth is a paragon of inactivity as a result. Mayor Keith Liversausage is allegedly planning a Spanish expedition just to keep thee lads busy and out of trouble. Bart Industires is getting ahead of thee curve, hinting at a tantalizing product line for expediting pirates, and promising to unveil thee new division within a week.

I will honor Monkey in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.~Charles "Darwin" Dickens