Tag: experiences

Freedom, yes, I believe that is the colossal sensation I feel curdling up inside of me. Freedom, certainly not the most commonly utilized abstract noun within my personal dictionary. However right now, right now I feel I may have come to terms with the expression itself, so much so I might just be understanding how to give life to the term, to live ‘freedom’ within myself.

Something happened today, something so small to some that it may be forgotten, but to me, it particularly had an impact. I was lending a helping hand at school, selling the newly designed uniform to our juniors, when I learnt exactly what the new uniform was. Our school are selling skirts and trousers for both boys and girls. Forget gender stereotypes, our school, though only small, is making a difference to society. Just one small step portraying equal rights across genders, is another closer step towards freedom. And that truly put a smile on my face.

Today really made me contemplate my life, and the decisions I make. This evening I chose to watch the movie ‘The Perks of being a Wallflower’. What an incredible story to tell. Truly, I have never felt so emotionally attached to a film, or more inspired. Freedom can take us anywhere, wherever we want to be, where we want our journey to take us, it will, because the motion of freedom gives us the power to behave however the heck we want.

I’ve noticed recently, everybody always seems to have their own opinion on everything, even if its absolutely nothing to do with them, they still choose to share their opinion and ruin every little thing you have. It’s not fair. If I want to do something, meet somebody, be somewhere, everybody has to know about it, judge me for it, and decide against it just for their own happiness. Well what about mine!

All I truly would like is a private, non-judged life, away from all negativity shining off others, away from people who have to tell me what they think i should do, because you know what, I’m so fed up of hearing whats ‘right from wrong’, or what i should do according to the minds of nobody who I actually care so much to listen to.

No, I am to make my own decisions, make up my own mind to lead myself to happiness. I should not have to listen to others telling me absolute bollocks, if they’re my friends, they will support me, help me, and guide me my own way, not along with theirs.

Let’s put this into context. Fact of the day for you all, I’m bisexual, and proud. I recently met up with a guy, and we had a lot in common, he was mature, kind, funny, everything lovely, but I just wasn’t attracted to him at all. So it got me thinking, is that because he just wasn’t my type of boy, or because I’m more attracted to girls? I’m genuinely OK not knowing the answer to this, because you know what, life is all about discovery, the journey to finding yourself in all it’s glory, and right now, I’m heading down the right path. A girl messaged me the other day, a girl I have spoken to before but things didn’t go our way because of others influencing the way we thought. However this time, it’s not going to happen. Why should the past affect the future, why should I let what my ‘friends’ tell me push me away from something I might actually want, unknowingly.

I’m going to do whatever the hell I want to do, for my own happiness for once. I’ve been through enough pain and heartbreak in my life to then let others get in the way of mending myself. If I want to talk to this girl, meet her, date her, who the heck should care other than us! A private life = a happy life.

P.s … I’m not out to my family yet. The majority of my friends do know, as it’s been a year since my first girlfriend, the first person I fell in love with. However its been a very tricky journey amongst my family. They choose to believe a year ago was just a phase in my life, an experience, but they’re wrong, and I haven’t quite come to terms with how to tell them this. On the bright side, I told my sister, I was so incredibly nervous of telling her this, as it’s a whole part of my life I’m letting her into, but I’m so glad I made the decision to finally tell her because she was so prodigious with the situation and supports me all the way ❤ .

If anyone else has or is experiencing a similar story, I’d love to know how you’re dealing with it. We’re not alone.

Betrayal, something I appear to know too much about, considering I’ve experienced the matter a billion times by fake humans, fake friends. No, friends should be loyal, am I right? Sadly I must admit I’ve only ever had 1 loyal creature in my very existence, my best friend, however it’s not all bad; because I’ve got the bloody most bewildering chum of human kind.

I’ve had the chance to contemplate much of my time recently, since having more than a number of arguments with more than a number of my alleged ‘friends’, and tonight having a rather useful conversation with my sister, apologies truly mean nothing if used for the same reasoning over and over. I’ve been betrayed, forgotten, pushed away… but I’m done. I’m over the people who feel like that is ok, to hurt, judge, embarrass, or loose a friend, for what, to prove a point? That’s just hideous.

I would most definitely class myself as a forgiving person, as seen with experience, but I refuse to be a push over, I need to stick up for myself, keep my standards high, and my head held higher. I may still be young, but I know my right from wrong, and I certainly know what I deserve. I’ve made a pact, that I’m to drop those who’ve dropped me, forget the past, ignore others judgements and disagreements, and to do this for myself, go my own way, make my own bridges to fall from, and be true to who I am, whoever that may be.

I’m not perfect, I am far from perfect, but I don’t want to be, mistakes are to be made for a reason, to improve upon, and to learn from, but I’m not here to make the same mistakes again.

Text Widget

This is a text widget. The Text Widget allows you to add text or HTML to your sidebar. You can use a text widget to display text, links, images, HTML, or a combination of these. Edit them in the Widget section of the Customizer.