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I didn’t run as an entire cold front dumped itself on Milton Keynes, and, after a couple of weekends a go when I ran 10k in the pouring rain. It didn’t appeal to me.

This made me realise.. I’m not motivated to run.

At this moment in time I dread every training run. My “go out and see how things are” runs are ok, because i literally just go and see how it is. But training runs with distances and pacing… well they are turning me into a bit of a nervous wreck.

So I’m pulling out of my half marathon at the end of September.

I started running to challenge myself and i ended up enjoying it. Now if i’m not enjoying it I don’t want to do it or finish any distance i’m on, or anything that happens on a run completely phases me, and i’m ruined. Then I feel like a failure.

Why continue to train for something you aren’t looking forward too?

When I was training for Paris, I was really looking forward to it. Yes I was scared, Yes I was nervous, Yes I didn’t think I would make it, but I believed I could, and I enjoyed pushing myself. That’s just not there this time.

I’ll get it back I’m sure! But right now It can’t be on the table.

So, I guess that means I can throw myself in my next annual goal of losing 10lbs (Half the issue with the Half was that it wasn’t really on my ‘plan’.. ).

CORRECT!

I really like this idea of “a pin a day” as well, something little to push me through the next few weeks.

My weight on my motivation board got to 186 pounds, which means to reach my goal i need to get to 176.

I just weighed in today and i’m back up to 191 pounds 😦

I can’t lose motivation again…

10lbs to go! That’s what I have to focus on… so I guess I have two goals, the realistic 191 – 181, and the ideal of getting it down to 176.

So lets hope my pin a day helps with it!

Today i’ve pinned the best butt workout. I’m gonna lay my mat out on my landing and have a good time of it 🙂

Yesterday I managed pretty much everything on my list, except the milkshake… but we ordered cookies so that’s still fun 🙂

Don’t get excited, I’m not actually climbing a MOUNTAIN, just I see my next goal as one.

In January I set myself 4 goals as my new years resolution:

Run the Paris Half Marathon (Jan – March)

Run a sub 35min 5 km (Apr – Jun)

Lose 10lbs (Jul – Sept)

Run a sub 33min 5 km (Oct – Dec)

I decided to split it into little goals instead of the usual “I’m going to be healthy” blah blah you usually do, as I was fed up of giving up.

Goal 1 has been achieved and recorded in Today: I Did That, a truly emotional experience and I’m still thriving from the buzz from it!

Goal two is well underway and it isn’t even April yet, I knew I would PB at the next parkrun after the half marathon as I would still have all my strength and motivation from the 5 days before. And I did, Running Mumma coached me to a PB 5km of 36 mins exactly (even after getting up early for the grand prix). Meaning for my next goal, I have to shave a minute off that!

If you haven’t been to Milton Keynes parkrun before, you’re in for an experience. There is an infamous section known as the zig-zags, which is about 2- 3mins of uphill zig-zagging steep hill at about 2km. It hurts! But I know that’s where I’m going to make my best time gain, I slow right down when I get to the top, I think I could shave about 20 seconds off that hill!

In addition to this goal, I’m also trying to consciously make healthier lifestyle choices. I’m going good with my lunches and I have three bits of fruit on postits with times on when I should be eating them. Slow going, I’m trying not to go hungry, whilst also maintaining some kind of control.

Gym going has also picked up! Two club runs, 2 strength sessions and two alternative cardio’s a week (then parkrun on a Saturday), means I’m a busy bee, but I’m also feeling better for it, a lot calmer and just better rounded. It’s amazing what a bit of endorphin’s can do for you!

I haven’t felt this motivated in a very long time, and I really hope it stays with me.

Thats right people, I ran it, I walked it, I cried when I finished it. 13.1 miles smashed and in the bag. Paris has been well and truly stomped on by this British Badass.﻿

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You may all be thinking “Finally she will shut up about it” well you’re all wrong.

Why would I shut up about an achievement I’ve worked hard for? Why would I shy away and not tell people how awesome it makes me feel?

I’ve seen a few posts on Facebook recently about how people can go to the gym without sharing it everywhere….. Well yes. That’s true and all, but some people use social media as a motivation, they may be in a group workout plan where sharing is part of their thing. Or they may, like me, just be really fucking fed up of giving up. So to those people who post passive aggressive pictures about sharing fitness acolishments on social media, kindly shut up? Perhaps your are not happy with yourself in some way and that’s making you lash out. I’m sorry my ambition to change has you reaching some shitty part of the Internet to try and put me down. NO MORE PEOPLE.

I smashed a huge goal this past Sunday, on international woman’s day. What did you do? Were you a badass mum showing the world how you created a tiny human? Were you a superwoman type person showing how creative you were? Or were you sat on the sofa pinning shite picture from Pinterest on Facebook because you think that bullying and negative thoughts should be the main focus of your Facebook feed? Hmm?

Stop the bullshit people, work for yourself, you don’t have to go to the gym to be awesome, getting up and outside, finishing a to-do list, sorting out a wardrobe, learning a new skill…. All these things make for a more positive outlook and positive presence on a ever negative online environment.

That’s why I’m FINALLY saying “I Did That” I did what I set out to do and in my mind smashed it. It wasn’t pretty, it wasn’t easy and I cried like a little girl when I finished it, but I S M A S H E D it. And I am so proud of myself.10 weeks ago I couldn’t run for an hour, and I just ran for 3.

So i’ve reached that stage, the stage where I start questioning whether I’ve done enough to last long enough, or even to last the distance.

I know I can, I’ve been through this with myself. Intervalling your way to 13 miles isn’t the most efficient way to run your first half marathon, but after the not so great start to my year, and my foot still deciding to go numb at about 3 miles I’m left with little choice.

Over the past couple of months training, I have tried and tested different things to see if I can push further. Everything from the clothes I wear to the food I eat and even analysing which toe will blister first (right foot, toe next to the big one). I think I have come up with some (13.1) golden rules for your first race, or at least, rules for MY first race….

1. Talk to people who have done it before

This. You will hear everyone talking about their goals, and their sub 2 hour half marathons when you start your programme and you will feel so motivated! You shouldn’t kid yourself though, trying and extrapolate how long your 13.1 miles will take from the time your 10k run was will make you feel miserable.

My time prediction at best, if I run at my 5km pace, is 2 hours 40 mins. I’ve taken a step back from that and I know my running time will be around 3 hours, when intervalled.

I’ve accepted it, and haven’t thought too much on me being a failure or anything as I am going to do it.

Ask your friends what they did wrong. Giggle about it, you don’t even have to learn from it. It says a lot about making your own mistakes when your friends have done them too. You’re stubborn enough to go against the advice then you are stubborn enough to train for 13.1 miles

2. French lacy knickers are a no-no

I said I tried many different clothes, So I’m going to say one word: Velcro.

Go big, go small, don’t go wedgie.

3. If you’re a razor girl… don’t go crazy

Associated with the French knickers reason. It also itches with sweat, and ladies we do sweat. It doesn’t smell nice and when we’ve gone South American down South there is rubbing, and chaffing and itching and O DEAR GOD JUST DON’T.

4. Find a sports bra and stick with it

My Boobs jiggle, but if I wore a fully strapped-back-to-prepubescent-boy style bra I can’t breathe. I went through about 3 before I found my love… I jiggle during the first km because I’m full of beans but then they settle into a nice rhythm.

5. Get the best App for you

I’m a Nike Running Girl myself, I know those who use Strava, RunKeeper, Garmin stuff… I must admit I am using my phone for all my runs, but during training I’m getting annoyed at not knowing where I am, or how fast/slow I’m going. A Garmin/Nike sports watch may be my next best investment. I’m doing this AFTER my race… I know these things aren’t always accurate, but I don’t want to mess up all things inaccurate.

Consistent Inaccuracies please…

6. SOCKS

I never believed them when they said “get running socks”. Socks are socks, right? WRONG: running socks have taken my poor arches of my feet from trench-foot through to fine after a run. They will always be sore, but I don’t have an alien pod now growing on them! Best £6 investment ever.

7. Leave the Mascara at home

I’m guilty of this on so many occasions, I would even go as far to say that anything over an hour-long, wash your face off of makeup before starting. Even though you do just ‘sweat it off’ It can turn gunky and give you panda eyes and make them sting. Which will make you cry. Nobody like a runner crying for 25 mins on the treadmill (Trust me)

8. Hair length and style matter… But not to look good

I have boob length hair (most accurate description). Not massively long, not really short, and when I first started training I tied it in a ponytail. About 30 mins in the pony tail started getting glazed with sweat from my shoulders.. then started to get stuck under my armpits. So I was pulling on my own hair…

Next I tried a bun on top of my head, which was fine till my head got sweaty and the bun kinda fell off…

I stick with a plait now. Nice and easy and it doesn’t flick sweat everywhere either.

9. The Internal Runner Discussions

I’ve blogged about my arguments with myself before, even the ones when I’m running. When I was doing parkrun in Milton Keynes this past Saturday I was talking to someone who has the same discussions as me. We crave pizza, and talk to our knees, moan at our ankles and wonder if we’re entering a mild psychosis during our runs as we are almost 100% sure we are having both sides of the arguments out loud…

It’s normal (apparently) and helps pass the time, so if you see me having an ‘Andy Murray moment’, it’s self-motivation at its best!

10. Music choices

DON’T MAKE A PLAYLIST THAT LASTS THE TIME YOU WANT TO RUN IN.

Make one that’s significantly shorter. That way you know your songs will have to repeat at some point, and you won’t be disheartened when you’re at mile 12 and your playlist finishes “I’ve still got 15 mins and I haven’t done it! O THE SHAME” Or other Drama Queen personality traits you obtain whilst running like a badass.

11. Training sucks… The goal doesn’t

Every training run, without fail, during km 1 and the final km. I’ve accepted it to the point that it drives me on!

12. The right shoes

I know I said in point one that you can stubborn yourself out of certain advice that is given.. Not this. Get proper shoes, trust me it saved my knees!

13. Be nervous

It’s a big thing, even if you are so calm until you start walking towards the start line. Nerves can carry you through that horrendous first km and push you past the final marker. Embrace the excitement!

13.1 You will finish.

Believe it. Say it to yourself. I’ve got it on my motivation board and I say it with every walking part of my intervals. I’ll finish, I may finish last, but I finished a half marathon.

Now I’m off to hydrate hydrate hydrate and eat a manageable amount of carbs!

So, whilst I was out on my club run tonight, I got about a mile and a half in and I was getting a bit down. I was dead last in a group id never run with before, I was slower than all of them by at least a minute and I considered dropping out every errrr 16 paces?

But then I started thinking about all those ‘motivational memes’ and images you see on Pinterest, and you pin thinking “hell yeah that’s gonna be me!” When in reality, you get to the front door, start the car and question why you insist on doing this to yourself… Those memes.

Seriously, I was cursing them all in my head. I was like “fuck off I know I can grow babies but 13.1 miles will still hurt like anything” and then I decided to make my own achievements up.

This kinda links with gratitude here – bare with me!

So people stay motivated in different ways. I like showing off that I just destroyed 4 miles. Even if I hated every second of it, hitting that share button to 3 social media sites in one go is like my justification. I did it, what did you do? All that stuffs.

I think my first ever achievement was getting out the door. Cheesey I know, but seriously, finding a place for your keys, setting that app up and fiddling with your music till you find that right song… And bam. Achievement unlocked and you’re out the door!

I started to remember all the little goals I set myself: “Get to 1km” “round your running to 10mins” “why stop you’re over halfway!” It made me smile on the cold run from hell in the scary group.

Before I knew it we were 2.5 miles in, and I was starting to be happier with my achievements. I realised all my sharing and showing off may appear self centred and irritating to some, but I know to me, that I was finally saying “look I did it, I said I would”. Whether that is a stick it to the masses or what I don’t know. But I’m glad I do it!

It makes me grateful for my friends and family, they put up with my moaning and groaning and my “I ran 4 miles last night I’m gonna hurt today” and the best “I wish I could foam roller it all out in the office”. The latter because apparently it’s poor form to ask people to rub you down! Who knew. I don’t get judged, and sometimes I even get a well done. Which at least means they read my posts every now and then!!

My poor husband has had to deal with my drippy head, post run coughs and the large amount of smelly running gear that gets washed. But he does get to watch me stretch it out when I get home. Which I totally don’t play up to…

I was thinking all of this when suddenly I was on the home stretch. The tail runner who was with me had a Garmin that beeped for 4 miles and I was done. I felt good after a quick shake off, and say in the car getting my breath back whilst I uploaded all my info to facebook.

Because how would you know I was running if I didn’t tell you?

Tomorrow I’m going to not feel like having a panic attack and appreciate what I did tonight.

Especially when you have never done the thing you are training towards before. I’ll use my half marathon stuff as an example.

I run my long runs on a Sunday. Last week I managed just over 5 miles in just over an hour. I was walking on Air, there wasn’t a parking ticket in the world that could bring me down. I was so elated that I was actually looking forward to running again on Tuesday, as Mondays for me are rest days.

Bring on Tuesday. I head to the gym, stocked with a plan: Running for three songs and walking for one, for an hour and 15 mins in total. 10 mins longer than the constant running I did the Sunday just gone.

But alas, my body had other plans. After 1km my ankles felt like they were strapped between splints. I normally can run through most things, as the first km of anything always sucks. It’s the mental game. You find your rhythm or you never get very far. I just could not find my rhythm. At all!

It got to the mile mark at 1.6km, and I had had enough, I couldn’t even stretch it out. It was clear that I was still suffering from my weekend run, and it left me SO dejected.

I felt like a huge failure, I was doubting whether I could ever run 13.1 miles when after one I was struggling on a treadmill of all things. It was clunky, it wasn’t smooth there was no easy rhythm found.

So I reflected again. Wenesday is a full on rest day, I have time set aside from 7-10 to do the least aerobic exercise I can think of (sitting around.. not doing much) and before that after work I tidy things up and set up for the rest of the week. I was hating myself, I mean, I’ve done more, why couldn’t I do that again?

That’s when it kind of hit me: Training sucks.

That was kind of an acceptance I think, I know it’s going to suck, so how could it get any worse? I Haven’t failed if I make it out the door, I don’t like failing so as long as I make it out the door I’m one step/mile closer than I would have been if I didn’t.

I’m not going to put my body through physical pain, I’m not going to injure myself because that’s worse. Injury sucks as much as training except you’re energised all the time and can’t do anything about it.

Training sucks for 45 – 90 mins a day. And that’s only three times a week.

So tomorrow I will do a steady pace timed run. If I feel good I will do 1:20, if not at least an hour – no matter the intervals. But I will make it out the door, because training only sucks when you’re doing it, and you’re never doing it for very long.

My achievement Saturday was to add an extra 2 miles onto my parkrun distance, my parkrun time sucked. But I finished. 40 mins… Which is actually the pace in aiming for! Just gotta keep this momentum up, especially after a slightly indulgent day off today.

Training can’t get worse than it already is, i mean, you could not be doing anything, right?

Why Paris? Well I’ve been there twice for work, I’ve admired document stir and pictures of the city, I’ve seen horrible stories about Paris and the way that it’s extremely dirty and segregated. So I thought I would see for myself!

Why a half marathon? Once my beginners group ended I’ve been a bit lost for motivation, I didn’t know what to do, and I’ve been really enjoying running and the community, that I thought why not go further?

I did a 10k at the end of November – Movember, in Milton Keynes, and it truly was horrible. Wet, cold, windy, hill swamped two lap course. I was 5th from last and genuinely hated every second of it. Then I finished. I had a friend surprise me as I crossed the rain soaked miserably grey finish line and I could have cried. Crying due a mixture of pain, cold, and joy that I had finished.

My hatred of running was soon over, and I just couldn’t wait to do another. It was like I had identified everything that had gone wrong and I wanted to fix it for the next thing. Thankfully I’d signed up for Paris!

13.1 miles isn’t much further than 6, is it?

Flash forward to the new year and I got struck with the crappy coughing headache, fatigued virus that’s been making the rounds. 3 weeks I’ve been out with it, no running had been done till today!

Only 8/9 weeks till the half marathon.. No biggie?

I know that if I can train up to 10 miles I will finish the race. I mean, the final 3 is just a park run right? And if I can do that final push in 40 mins I will be happy!

Today I managed to run in the gym, 6km running to songs. Two songs running and one song walking, just to ease back in, that took an hour. The advantage to running in the gym is that I got to watch the news whilst running, which just so happened to be on the March through Paris in remembrance and solidarity with Charlie Hebdo, and it was a big motivation.

I have the freedom to run where I want, what would I do if someone tried to take that away? Someone tried to scare me away from it? Much like Boston and the reaction to that terrible attack I would run. I would show defiance and strength in that I was born with the strength to run, the strength to enter these races, to run for a charity, to run for myself.

It was motivating. It kept me going from my ” 20mins little intervals” to a full hour seeing how far I could go.

Now I feel I can say: #JeSuisCharlie

I’m still nervous about running this half, especially as I will probably not have a trailing couple of weeks of distance, and I will have to run at the peak. But I will run, I will go. Why should I let a cough stop me? Why I should I let my worry stand in the way of a truly AWESOME feeling?

I will be spending 4 days in Paris, exploring and taking everything in. And I will not be frightened or intimidated.

About 8 weeks ago I completed a beginners running course (like a couch to 5k) with a 5k graduating time of 36:05 (according to the Nike running app!).

I’ve been hooked since!

I’ve now become a regular at the Redway Runners in Milton Keynes, whacking out a 5k every Monday and up to 8 every Thursday. I now also regularly take part in park runs as well. It’s a great feeling.

I really do enjoy it a lot, so much so that I’ve even signed up to do a 10k in November, and a longer event in March next year! Very exciting times for me, as it means I have something that I can work towards again.

I completed my first solo training run for it this Sunday just gone, and it was a killer. I’d only planned to do about 7k, but I needed up getting lost and then a bridge was closed and it was all a bit of a mess. So I ended up running 8.77k… No I wasn’t running my 5k split times but I was maintaining it, I averaged under 8min a km and If I didn’t have to stop to keep trying to figure out where to go, it would have been done quicker as well.

I know Nike does it pause run when you stop, but it adds about 15 seconds onto your time… And I got very lost….

Brilliant way to explore the new area though, and it’s a good excuse to get me out the house. Fighting all the mental knock backs and all that. It really is a brilliant medicine, exercise, personal development and the outdoors!

I have to get over running in the rain… I’ve sweated hair dye down my face so I must be able to cope with a bit of drizzle. It is England, after all.

So this week? We’ll long run Thursday again, I’m getting up early to push I out a morning exercise routine. Gently waking up a bit earlier everyday to get to the gym and do it… Imaging a morning swim and an evening run! Glorious!!!!

Night time now though, glass of water to sleep on and an early alarm….. *yawn*

Currently, as it stands I have run 27km of my run into orbit challenge, that’s about 16 miles or so, which is pretty awesome in my book!

I’ve only had to repeat one week of my training plan because I was a bit ill, but at least it means I’m not hurting myself like I was before! I’ve also learnt that by SLOWING DOWN you can run a lot further, yeah I’m not sprinting but it’s still running!!

Onto a different note, easing you in gently, the first F1 test of the season has just finished in Jerez in Spain, and far from any major surprises as it could be. The redbulls, Lotus and Ferrari were all fast, whilst the drama and attention that Lewis Hamilton died away quite quickly after he did a typical Mercedes driver stunt of parking badly. Granted it wasn’t his ego that took up 6 car parking spaces, but a rear break pressure failure that cases him to skid across the gravel into a tyre wall.

Not much else could be said that happened, Paul DiResta is still a lonely meme theme at Force India and the new drivers at Marussia are impressing as was to be expected, they both did well in GP2.

A shame for Davide Valsecchi who couldn’t find a seat in F1 even after winning its feeder series. Not too much of a surprise though, as although he seemed to be a lovely guy, he had a washboard personality….

Our beloved DLR managed to gain a seat in a Ferrari as well, it’s just a shame that it lasted but a few laps before the gearbox blew. A sign to come perhaps? Or not, at least, Fernando Alonso wasn’t worried enough to tweet positive things about it to hide his underlying fear!!

My bet for this year? Why, Mark Webber to win the WDC. Obviously. Hamilton to only make a second place and for Perez to almost win the championship. Just for giggles.

I won’t get started on livarys. McLaren=chrome….. RBR has PURPLE ON IT and the Sauber looks alright now. Yep I think that sums it up!!!