Ha Ha, Fox News: “Do We Really Need Millions for Libraries?”

Libraries! They are perhaps the greatest social and financial ill of our time—a pox upon surfaces conducive to poxes! It is with these opinions in mind that Fox News has formulated a very serious-minded and also tenable and effective solution to America’s debt: “Keeping libraries running costs big money. In Chicago, the city pumps $120 million a year into them. In fact, a full 2.5 percent of our yearly property taxes go to fund them. That's money that could go elsewhere—like for schools, the CTA, police or pensions.” Sorry, quick clarifying point: specifically the parts of schools that don’t contain books. And furthermore, “with the internet and e-books, do we really need millions for libraries?”

The Chicago Fox affiliate even embedded a correspondent on the frontlines on the War on Literacy. “In an hour, we counted about 300 visitors. Most of them were using the free internet. The bookshelves? Not so much.” Plus, double-proof: you’re on the Internet right now, as substantiated by your reading this sentence, which does not appear in an old-fashioned book. Case: close-tabbed.