The original exposure looks like it has some pretty major issues which you probably won't be able to truly correct in PP. (overexposure, mainly) I'm not sure the angle of her face is complimentary... she appears to be attractive, but her head is tilted back and you're kinda looking up her nose.

Somewhere on these forums was a nice summary of things you should do on portraits- I seem to recall with women it's a good idea to be looking down on them a bit as it's more complimentary... please don't read into that.