"Personally I preach prophocy // These punks putting out poems about pimping pushing and property, pleaseee. // People aint prepared to be pursuaded by political paraphrases they threaten in the papers "
- Saigon

"Hardest african on the market, cause I got the smartest plan to market targets that no other artist can"
- Villainelle

A few recent ones I heard...

These aren't the best, but thier some of my fav's

KingMayne

05-11-2007, 02:46 AM

"I'm like Josh Howard, I need a timeout but it'll cost the game"

Joe Budden

Hayzoos

05-11-2007, 03:36 AM

"You're gay"

- Jack

Hayzoos

05-11-2007, 03:39 AM

"I forgive you for hurting me/ I'm sorry for flirting see"

- Elton Jr.

Noyze

05-11-2007, 03:45 AM

"Hardest african on the market, cause I got the smartest plan to market targets that no other artist can"
- Villainelle

I'm feelin that

"I'm like Josh Howard, I need a timeout but it'll cost the game"

Joe Budden
He makes great references to basketball.

"I live this, ya'll paint that pic
and like Magic I'm startin to believe ya'll dudes aint that sick"

"Snakes in the treaches, I peep those
end up like Grant Hill on the bench in your street clothes
talk about he real, how you quick with a glock
but like Kurt Thomas he aint good for shit on the block"
- Joe Budden

"Personally I preach prophocy // These punks putting out poems about pimping pushing and property, pleaseee. // People aint prepared to be pursuaded by political paraphrases they threaten in the papers "
- Saigon

"Hardest african on the market, cause I got the smartest plan to market targets that no other artist can"
- Villainelle

A few recent ones I heard...

These aren't the best, but thier some of my fav's

These aren't really one-liners...

Don Vito

05-11-2007, 10:53 AM

"Yukmouth stay half baked just like the guy on the couch, billy bong thorten, pipe in my mouth!"

hahaha

Alan Johnson

05-11-2007, 12:21 PM

These aren't really one-liners...
Neither is what the thread poster started... So i guess we're doing bars

Tommy Bunz

05-11-2007, 01:41 PM

Neither is what the thread poster started... So i guess we're doing bars

Actually what swift posted I would def consider to be one-liners, as they actually had some punch/humor to them. The ones you posted are basically just good technical lines.

A One-liner has to have some sort of bite to qualify...
Such as when Chino XL says:

"I'll aim it at the Pope if he claimin he sellin the most dope

My Jersey blocks is locked tighter than prisoners hold soap"

or

"Shittin on MC's, wipin my ass on they notebooks

How the broke crooks in videos leave me stressed

I'll turn on channel 2 if I wanna CBS, bitch"

(both lines are from What You Got btw)

Alan Johnson

05-11-2007, 01:47 PM

" "Snakes in the treaches, I peep those
end up like Grant Hill on the bench in your street clothes
talk about he real, how you quick with a glock
but like Kurt Thomas he aint good for shit on the block"
- Joe Budden"^ thats not really a 1 liner

w/e lol didnt know they had to be funny punch's

Ohini_Jonez

05-11-2007, 01:57 PM

U a leader what? no one ever followed u//
U were never shit ya mother shoulda swallowed u//

Big L

Tommy Bunz

05-11-2007, 02:06 PM

U a leader what? no one ever followed u//
U were never shit ya mother shoulda swallowed u//

Big L

Ahh Big L was the punchline king...

My favorite of his was "Ask Beavis, I get nothing but head (Butthead)"

Drink Listerine, brush my teeth with amphetamine\
So I can sound fresh and say dope things in between\ Ras Kass

slizz

09-20-2007, 08:26 AM

I see no changes all I see is racist faces/
misplace hates makes disgrace to races

2Pac

P90zN5'7nz

09-20-2007, 09:55 AM

Ask bevis I get nothing BUTT HEAD

I got a sister who schooled me to shit you chickens do

The more you talk the more you urkin us the more u gon need memorial services

Tommy Bunz

09-20-2007, 01:33 PM

"Pussies love Nelly, he made it cool to wear band-aids" - Lloyd Banks

Bruh Man

09-20-2007, 05:53 PM

"you couch potatoes don't believe me call the cable crew--------------------everytime I bus kids think they on they way 2 school"-One.be.Lo

"one time ridin through the hood me and my mans saw some big feet hands and teeth yo that ain't grandma, big chains cars and clothes that ain't hip hop"-one.be.lo

"The media be feedin us napalm atomics while the school brainwashes the crayons are toxic" One.Be.Lo

"met her they said he was never the same,started seein them 2gether like umbrellas and rain you'd think that spaghetti put a spell on his brain"-One.Be.Lo

"snatch yo' flavor call you gatoraid"-One.be.lo

"I could had way more hose(hoes) than firefighters"-One.be.lo

"I got more game than espn walked up 2 house like little pig let me,
she opened up the door with a sexy grin and then thatz all I know alotta motion in the ocean throw me off the boat like jonah. I want you in a special way cuz you fly in an extraterriastrail way"

"I'm not the one you should be underestimatin'
Come test ya fate and I guarantee i'll be under investigation"

Plug Zero

09-20-2007, 08:35 PM

"told my mother I hustle and she said be careful"

-Cam'ron

it's an ill line because he makes it sound as if hustling is a rite of passage. If you're in the struggle, you hustle, and it's something his mother isn't exactly condoning, but at the same time she's accepting it as something inevitable.

It's always the simplest lines that have the deepest meaning.

doc.mentor

09-20-2007, 09:23 PM

" I had to connect to cross seals, to catch more mil's
Than ho-bitches got birth control pills"

gza

Shaun P.

09-20-2007, 09:51 PM

Cause I'll be on the grid from the pm to the am
Paint pictures with my rhymes, you can see 'em when I say 'em
My songs like movies you can see 'em when you play them
If a bitch want beef, when I see 'em I'ma spray 'em

cassidy : a.m. to p.m.

In my historical oracle
I blast metaphorical
editorials educated
in my territorial
get torn
heavily armed with seventy bombs
that'll blast divine like the heavenly song
Your men'll be gone

jedi mind tricks : i against i

Yo, I'll shove a gun in ya grill, greasy and heated
Smothered in hot mustard so when I feed it to you it's easy to eat it
You need to be immediately treated
While you breathin' you'll be leavin'
The receiving room this evening with Jesus

eminem : freestyle

We don't do drivebys, we park in front of houses and shoot
and when the police come we fuckin shoot it out with them too!
That's the mentality here (here) that's the reality here
Did I just hear somebody say they wanna challenge me here??
While I'm holdin a pistol with this many calibres here??
Got some registration and just made this shit valid this year?

eminem : amityville

not really one liners but some of my favorites tho

Cee Jay 2oo9

09-21-2007, 08:46 AM

i fire my gun like its unemployed

LEE_M_C

09-21-2007, 09:17 AM

Fuck a headache, gimmie a migraine,
Damnit I like pain,
And you should be anywhere that I might gain - Eminem

Born straight up out a pussy but a son of a gun - Kon Artis

So they pulled out and robbed him,
with the same gun they shot him with,
Put it to his head and said "You scared ain't ya?"
He said: "Hustler for death. No heaven for a gangsta." - Lupe Fiasco

This ain't no tall order, this is nothin to me
Difficult takes a day, impossible takes a week - Jay-Z

Papa was a motherfuckin, joke
Used to find dope in his coat
And nearly choked when he'd tell me not to smoke
Daaamn, don't get me started
My mama smoked so God damn much
when she was pregnant I'm surprised I ain't retarded - Pac

Shaun P.

09-21-2007, 10:27 AM

my gun got fired so much it need another job

papoose

Shaun P.

09-21-2007, 10:45 AM

ive got a sixth sense, i stack dead people/ im talkin grants and jacksons, swear it took a whole hour just to count the jacksons

Patrick McCourt

09-21-2007, 10:49 AM

"One day, she used my toothbrush to clean the toilet"

^^ marvel in thats greatness ^^

my gun got fired so much it need another job

papoose

Pap went from being nice lyrically to a corny punchline rapper

*predicts future Papoose puncline*

"I left Jive like the opposite of right"

Bigsmokes

09-21-2007, 10:52 AM

MAN... I HAVE THIS THREAD ON LOCK!!!!!!

"I make paper like trees" - Lil Wanye

"i melt in your mouth but not in your heand- 50 cent

"Like Nike i just do it" Young Jeezy

"My chain light up like a lamp"- Paul Wall

"I'm leaning like i'm limping"-Paul Wall

"Foxx flippin Webbie smokin and we chokin off a whole pound of purple famous like tha ninja turtles" Lil Boosie

"That rooti, tooti, fruity, Louie, what I usually do
This that jump, stop, breathe, whoody-who"-Camron

"This is just fate, how I would sit on a crate
Listen to tapes everyday a frisk was at stake
Chicks cuffs risk gettin raped my mission was straight
Thug visit them states near them great Michigan lakes
And fuck a bathroom, I pissed on the gate" - Cam'ron

At a thousand degree celsius i make mc's melt
Fuck my record label i appear courtesy of myself
Let me explain how i maintain thresholds to pain
I walk across the sun barefoot lookin for shade
I rearrange your rib cage like a twelve gauge at close range
And change the position of your brain
My hard raps penetrate through your hardhats and all that
*****, get ya wig peeled back
I scalp you like the indians on horseback
Running bull will hit you harder than runningback
Stunning man with brave and cunning rap
Swiftly running laps around 48 tracks
Like uncut crack you fiends keep coming back
Heads is flippin like acrobats on gym mats
From wax to analog tapes to digital dat's
It's critical black, that canibus is ill like that
In fact perhaps you should quit rap, instead of always
Tryin to diss back, cause *****z keep tellin you that your shit's wack
I rip raps, hardcore raps rushin you to the floor mat
Put you in the figure four, break your thorax
Jump off the top turnbuckle and land on your back
Til i hear it snap or crackle, the ref says chill black
You get clapped bringin the wrong raps to combat
Like bringin a paint gun to a shoot out with real gats
Y'all *****z is wack, rappin over microphone feedback
My intelligence begins where yours peaks at
From fox boogie in the see-through brasierre, to nasty nas here
My ***** nature'll explain it further if it's not clear

canibus

B-Raff

09-21-2007, 09:43 PM

Nothing mind blowing, but I've always loved this line:

"I'd rather die enormous than live dormant." - Jay-Z

KILO

09-21-2007, 10:30 PM

"act loud and bleed
i stopped *****s from wanting beef like the mad cow disease"-Papoose

"They got to the roof and then held her down on the ground
Screaming shut the fuck up and stop moving around
The shirt covered her face, but she screamed the clawed"

immortal technique

-= KuBa =-

09-22-2007, 01:58 AM

2pac:
My attitude was, "Fuck it," cause motherfuckers love it
(doesnt seem like a crazy line but his delivery of this line is what makes it)

Royce 5'9:
"You Dumb Fucks Know When I Roll Up The Truck Slow It Aint To Open Up The Door Duck Low Im Bout To Open Up The Four"
(once again delivery makes this line)

"Yeah, weeding out static, holding what I would rather have
And not need, then need and not have it"

"I feel like a poolstick in a room full of toothpicks"

D.Down

09-22-2007, 07:38 AM

I met this lady in Hollywood. She had green hair, but damn she looked good.
I took her to my house, cause she was fine, but she whipped out a dick that was bigger than mine - Lol Bloody Afroman.

Booker

09-22-2007, 08:32 AM

"I'm like Josh Howard, I need a timeout but it'll cost the game"

Joe Budden

thats horrible.

i really hope its you who is remembering the lyrics incorrectly and not joe budden making a fool of himself.

first of all it was chris webber who called the infamous timeout. second of all he's thinking of JUWAN howard because he was on that team too. Josh Howard plays for the mavericks and has nothing whatsoever to do with that debacle.

*Killuminati*

09-22-2007, 09:56 AM

Hey, it's me, Versace Whoops, somebody shot me!
And I was just checking the mail Get it? Checking the 'male'?

Eminem
Technically 2 lines but it's funny as fuck

De.Cor.Um

09-22-2007, 10:14 AM

"If The Game Needs A New Look, Im Between The Tummy Tuck & The Facelift" - Buddens

"to the end of the week, I live by the beat like you live check to check/
If you don't move yo' foot then I don't eat, so we like neck to neck/
Yes we done come a long way like them Slim ass cigarettes/
from Virginia, this ain't gon stop so we just gonna continue/"

-Outkast on Elevators

jbbj1515

09-22-2007, 11:57 PM

first of all
thats horrible.

i really hope its you who is remembering the lyrics incorrectly and not joe budden making a fool of himself.

first of all it was chris webber who called the infamous timeout. second of all he's thinking of JUWAN howard because he was on that team too. Josh Howard plays for the mavericks and has nothing whatsoever to do with that debacle.

In game 5 of the 2006 NBA Finals against the Miami Heat, it was asserted by referees that Howard called for a timeout during Dwyane Wade's free throw attempts, which only allowed Dallas to inbound the ball at full court instead of setting up for a play at half court.

oh wait i forgot, joe budden is just a nerdy backpacker so it doesn't matter that you're the one making a fool of yourself, right?

second of all

it seems like the cool thing in this thread is to post quotes that are in no way shape or form a "one liner." like the guy who posted the IT line(s) earlier on this page.

3rd of all, the best one liner that i've heard (and can remember right now)

"i stick my dick in your ear, and fuck what you heard"

-rakim

groundfisher

09-23-2007, 07:59 AM

Registered here just to contribute to this:

BIG L

"When it comes to getting nookie I'm not a rookie
I've got girls that make that chick Toni Braxton look like Whoopi"

"I'm a street genius with a unique penis
Got fly chicks on my dick that don't even speak English"

Not sure of the exact wording of this one:
"I'm so far ahead of my time my parents haven't met yet"

NAS on BBQ has some ill throw-away lines:

"Swimmin in women like a lifeguard"
"Kidnap the president's wife without a plan"
"Play Mr. Tuffy while I'm on some pretty tone shit"

Inspektah Deck

"Hardcore I rip it like porno flick bitches"

and ends with

"I scream on your ass like your dad"

D.Down

09-23-2007, 09:27 AM

You grab a mic and always get hype
Talkin bout fuckin *****z up
When you can bearly beat your dick right - Lord Finesse

Edit:
We can box rhyme for knots and see who got the biggest glocks
It don't matter cause I can withstand
I got no hair on my chest but I'm still the motherfucking man - A.G.

Nickel

09-26-2007, 09:08 PM

"I'm from the place where the chruch is the flakiest
And *****s is praying to god so long that they Atheist
Where you can't put your vest away and say you'll wear it tomorrow
Cause the day after we'll be saying, damn I was just with him yesterday"
-Jay-Z "Where I'm From"

D.Down

09-27-2007, 06:50 AM

Ill be the ice-breaker for you unskilled skaters - GZA

and

The last cat that tried to see me,
He now gotta touch braille - Vast Aire

and

The planet revolves, supposedly, man evolves
But no problem is solved, cause man is the cause
- Ras Kass

cmclassic

09-27-2007, 07:54 AM

i'll burn an orphanage just to bring heat to you bastards
-immortal technique

D.Down

09-27-2007, 08:02 AM

Dunno if its all ready been posted but its dope.

Me without lyrics, is like a porn flick without sex - Canibus

D.Down

09-27-2007, 08:08 AM

A Tech Nine Is My Utensil, Filling *****s With So Much Lead They Can Use They Dick For A Pencil - Big L

D.Down

09-27-2007, 08:33 AM

The poor get worked, the rich get richer
The world gets worse, do you get the picture - J-Live

Nickel

09-27-2007, 07:57 PM

for some reason this next line jus comes off as soo gangsta to me...i dunno