Sunday, August 1, 2010

i know things have been ugly between us. we are falling apart. we both change in so many ways. i'm sorry for acting the way i shouldn't. but baby, every action have its reasons. it doesn't matter what the reasons are. again baby, sorry i hurt you. things just got out of hand. i started to think for myself. i stop thinking how you feel. i stop caring. i am selfish enough to do such things. maybe this is something we need to rediscover ourselves and the point of having this relationship. start to think back on the things that had done between us, makes me think that my love to you is selfish. i can't bear losing you again. i hurt myself by hurting you. i feel bad about it. i really do. my ego has made me into someone i never wanted to be. a time off is something we need right now. some time on our own will make us think harder, love deeper and miss stronger. i just hope we survive this obstacle. i need you to hold on. please hold on to the things that makes us happy. it what gets me this far. i love you so much. i would do anything to change everything.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

i simply wanna write this post because i need to let out something big in me. it hurts me a lot for this past weeks. i've been holding my breath for you. i did say bad things to you. i've been disrespectful and i really lost my patience. baby, i lost track & i don't know why. since we've been apart, we have changed. i've seen you change in a very good way. i am very happy because that is what i've been praying for. suddenly, distance took it all away. maybe it's US that cannot bare the distance. the way i see it, it really makes us parting even more. since i left JB for KUCHING and since you left JB for KL, we both changed. but i don't think i changed that much. if u wanna know, i changed because u changed. naeem, i am indeed happy with you for the past 3 months. because i've seen u grown up and become someone i've been wishing for. you worked, you took responsibilities. you really put a smile on my face back then. i want you in that way. in that healthy way. with that, i can trust you to be my future. i don't care if you don't earn much. i don't care if i don't get expensive things from you. all i care is US to be happy and stay that way! i think we lost it once again. it kills me here baby! i don't want to enter this phase in this fucking life ever again. i dah pernah lalui ini semua dengan you dulu. kenapa i kena lalui sekali lagi? fyi, this phase the hardest and painful for me. why are we back there? why? back to the very first step in our relationship. i've been praying to not go back there because i see improvements. i see promise. i see love. BUT, clearly. it all never touches your life the way it touches mine. you wanna go back to where we started, fine! let's just go back there but i don't know if i can make it this time. because i don't see the person i used to be anymore. i am not strong. i've been weak naeem. really weak. please understand. i need you to lift me up and go through it once again. just think about it and us out from here. baby, i mean it! we never gonna survive this phase if we stay any longer in it. trust me!

Saturday, May 29, 2010

i don't know what's got into me these days. really. my emotional is really unstable. i wish that someone knew what is wrong with me. i get mad easily. i cursed. i say things that i don't really remember. i say things i will regret. & the saddest part is i say things that can hurt others. especially him. i am so sorry for my disrespect towards you baby. i really don't know why i acted without any thinking. i say bad words. i am not that type of girl. you know it!

BUT,baby i need you to know that i am human. i am just a simple girl with flaws. my moods don't always stay the same. i need you to understand that. maybe those littlest thing that u don't know about me. these days i guess i need a little extra attention. especially from YOU. but baby i know u are going through stuff.& im sorry for the way i acted. i haven't been a supportive girlfriend to you. i have been very very selfish. maybe the situation that we face now makes me stupid and selfish. i should be blamed for all this. baby, i just need you to hold on for a little while. please go through it with me. and for god sake, i don't have anyone else! seriously i don't! you have your right to think bad about me but believe me. i only have you!

you must have been thinking that the LOVE is not there anymore. for me, it's always there. it's always been you. it's just that, the situation dragged me into hole that i don't even wanna be at. like i said, i need you to hold on. this is temporary baby! soon it will be over. i promise you.

my love,maybe this is our challenged. take it and go through it. we will survive. i assure you. we both have issues right now. i understand that. because of that, i think we need to take a time apart. we need time to reinvent ourselves. to know who we really are. i have become someone i don't wanna be. i am disappointed at myself. so, i need time. i know you need time on your own too. sometimes, we need to just listen. one more thing, sayang tolong jangan samakan i dengan emma. i can't bear to hear her name. because some part of me saying you still love her. im sorry for all the wrong doings. it hurts me to hear such things baby. if only u could read everything that i wrote, you would know me even better. find a way to know me well my love. i need you to do it!

i thought distance isn't a barrier for us. but i am totally wrong. it is something for us. i can't be far away from you. maybe because you complete me. despite everything, i love you so much sayang!you are my whole heart! always have, always will be! :)

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

okay. first of all, i'm fucking hurt right now. i just pretend that it didn't happen. but it did!

imagine if you found out that ur boyfriend send this to someone random. how would you feel?

#random girl 1

thanks ya..

u hot..!

how r u?

n u have ym or msn?

#random girl 2

Wednesday, 7 April, 2010 3:08:28 AM

hye...

u have msn..

ehehe...

bored lorh...

FYI, 7th april is not that long. i was on my finals. damn! sakit sgt tahu tak? u xnk i fikir bukan2 tp knp u buat? i trusted u! plus, i never know u have msn! fuckk!

dear, if u really want that type of girl. just go ahead. i can't compete with them. who am i all this fucking while huh? i am giving up. u nak sgt, pergi la ok. i xtahu ape lagy yang tak cukup dkt i ni. i am not hot or whatever u call it. but u know one thing for sure, i love you just sooo much until i can't see where i'm at. :( what i should feel? how i should react? do u ever think of me? i guess NO! it's obvious.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

okay. today i woke up with a really loooonnnngggg smile on my face. :) you know why? ahaaa! because i'm homeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! yeahh! it feels good! hihi i arrived in jb yesterday evening. i was so damn excited as i passed the skudai tol. hehe after having a short but quality time with my mother, i'm out! meaning i'm going out to catch what i missed since i left this place. surprisingly, many things changed. i mean johor bahru is developing quite well wehh. ouhh i'm impressed! i'm out meeting him. we missed each other soo much! motif aku nak sampai jb cepat adalah sebab dia. :) kan baby kan? hehe. we went out for dinner with idzhar and qiela. they are the best! kami meronda jb dengan girangnya.. haha pergi danga bay melayan lagu di tepi lautan mmg merileks kan. senang cerita, romantik la konon. bweek! in the end, we had a great night. for both of us, the love grow stronger each day.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

exam is jus around the corner. & the tense is rising up. i don't know if i can trust you anymore. i've trusted you but you ruin it. i tak pernah terfikir you ada orang lain. you have been good. seriously, i tak sangka. i dah banyak sangat sabar you. you selalu cakap i tak faham you. naeem, selama ni tak nampak ke apa yang i buat untuk you? i sacrifice everything for you. still, you said that i don't understand you. what else do you want? what else that really matters huh?you said you didn't want me to call you because you wanna be alone. i tak ikut ke? i have been a very very patient girl to you. last night, i really couldn't take it anymore. i broke down because of the girl. i dont really care if she is your friends or what. but i just can't accept that she is rude to me. i have been nice to people okay. put yourself in my shoes naeem. how would you react? dah la you. i penat sgt. makan hati je ni. tolong faham i you. i am letting you go. i depress sgt. i nak exam. you know that kan? i am going far away now. i don't know what's gonna happen now. this very moment, i am giving up! so long ya. i have a future to build. with or without YOU. enough said.

p/s : u have no idea of how much i'd run back to you if you're willing to catch me. its all because I FUCKING LOVE YOU!

Monday, March 29, 2010

sometimes i feel like i don't wanna care anymore. i don't wanna feel love. love has tested me enough. i don't know if i can stay anymore. i really don't right now. i don't think straight. but, i know something. i'm HURT. you never change. just when i started to believe that you will change, you let me down. it's really painful. you never know how i really looking forward to see a new you. someone better. i need you to tell that i have to hold on. you know i'd do anything for you. but it looks like you took advantage of me. i know emma won't compromise with you. i maybe soft to you. i don't know how to get mad. or react when i don't feel right. you should know by now. you never loved me like you loved her. that is one thing i know from the start.

Friday, March 26, 2010

baby, last night was soo great! :) i had fun. the movie was touching. hehe. i never felt more in love with you like last night. we walked pass so many couples yet, i still feel we are the BEST one. after all these years, i know we're worth it! we watched "REMEMBER ME", yeayyy at last! a romantic movie with you. hihi i'm running out of words now.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

what should i do now? i dont think i can compromise anymore. every single minutes i've been checking my phone. and it's still nothing. for the past 48 hours, u have been away. i dont know why but you switched off your phone. was is something i say? i do? or maybe you have something going on that i dont even know about it? sampai bila nak buat i macam ni? sakit tahu tak? i dah terlalu banyak makan hati. sakit hati. semuanya i tahan. this is not the way to test my love. you tested me enough. i have been fighting my heart off for 4 years. is it not enough? if you have anything at all, let me know. we've been good together. or should i say GREAT! i dah give up. i know that statement is selfish. but, what is the right thing? i dah cuba dah untuk jadi yang terbaik. tapi, you tak pernah nampak. thanks alot. despite everything, i love you so much. that is what make me stay this far.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

“Nathanial Hawthorne once wrote: No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself — and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true.”

people change and wear different mask from time to time. when can we see the true faces of them? every mask tells a different story. i just pray that i can see the true faces of him one day. which can change everything of what i am thinking. perhaps we all give the best of our hearts uncritically…to those who hardly think about us in return. accept the facts that everybody have to go through a storm to get a rainbow. just dont take me for granted.

dear naeem aliff,what we have today, i hope it will last forever. i really do love you and so much more. you know that you are my every reason to be happy. please stay as long as i want you to be. make me happy and cherish every single thing about me.

When we’re together, I feel perfect. When I’m pulled away from you, I fall apart. All you say is sacred to me. I can’t look away. Promise you’ll stay with me. Please! You don’t have to ask me. You know you’re all that I live for. You know I’d die just to hold you & stay with you. Somehow I might show you that you are my night sky. all this while, I’ve always been right behind you. Now, I’ll be right beside you. So many nights I cried myself to sleep. Now that you love me, I love myself. I never thought that you would come back. I never thought that it would be YOU. I really love you! I really do. Take my hand and never let go of it again.

whatever’s meant to be will always find a way. some things happen in a split second and everything can change from sweet to sour, black to white, flames to dust and lovers to friends.

sometimes when you’re young, you think nothing can hurt you. it’s like being invincible. your whole life is ahead of you, and you have big plans. big plans. to find your perfect match. the one that completes you. but as you get older, you realize it’s not always that easy. it’s not until the end of your life that you realize how the plans you made were simply plans. at the end, when you’re looking back instead of forward, you want to believe that you made the most of what life gave you. you want to believe that you’re leaving something good behind. you want it all to have mattered. right? all peoples have plans in their life. they made huge mistakes, tiny mistakes or even the right choice. we never know what is ahead of us. whatever it is we have to accept it and face it with dignity and grace.

make a wish and place it in your heart. anything you want, everything you want. do you have it? Good. now believe it can come true. you never know where the next miracle is gonna come from, the next smile, the next wish come true. but if you believe that it’s right around the corner, and you open your heart and mind to the possibility of it, to the certainty of it. you just might get the thing you’re wishing for. the world is full of magic. you just have to believe in it and listen to your heart.

everything that i do comes from the heart. because when i follow the heart, i feel like i can get anything i want. but, sometimes it might ruin you too. hearts do craziest stuff and controls the darkest side of you. trust me!

Friday, March 5, 2010

Sunday, February 21, 2010

it's 3.10am now. i can't sleep. i don't know why. too much thinking i guess. i haven't been stable for this whole week. my mood has been up and down. today, i feel like i'm useless to you. everything that i do is not right. it's like, i am never right for you. the littlest thing that i do, was never right. what else should i do to satisfy you? to less your burden? u told me that u could be bored if i continue to be this way. the point is, what is it? i should understand you. i am trying here. you should understand me too. you should know i'm fragile by now. it hurts to fix things myself. and not knowing what is wrong with me. i love you so much that i can still stand. patience is what gets me this far. i know that u have been on a cloudy day. somehow, i wanna be there and i wanna understand. but, you just won't let me. i don't know what u really want me to be.whatever it is, i need you! i don't wanna lose you again!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

I still remember the time when we first metThe times we spent together I have never been able to forgetSomething inside of me told me it was so rightBecause even on the cloudiest days, when I was with you, the sun shone so bright

Then, without warning, you just went awayI could never forget how I felt that dayIt felt like my world was crashing down around meBeing without you made it hard to breathe

I moved on and started other relationshipsBut for some reason it was always you that I missedNo matter how hard I tried, you just couldn't be replacedMy love for you would not be erased

After a while, I saw that no one has ever been able to duplicateYour laugh, your touch, your smile, your faceThe way I felt when I was with you was simply unmatchedTo you is where my heart has always been attached

Now we've been reunited and it is once again you and meThe sun is back shining and it seems like it was so meant to beI can't believe I wasted all that time trying to start something newBecause after all these years, I've realized that it's always been you

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

what should i feel? to be left for the second time? all those sacrifices that i have gone through? the patience, the pain, the hurt and agony. is all mixed up. i love you so much that i sacrifice every single thing for you. is it not enough? am i not good enough? you should know. you could see how i have been so strong through all these years. you left me once, now you wanna do it again. how long do you want me to wait for you this time?

Just say goodbye. You can say it when you get up from the couch. You can say it at the door. I will say it when you get to your car. I'll scream it as you drive away. -i wrote this for you-

When you have to leave someone you love, someone who makes you feel so entirely and extra complete, it’s as if all the emotional and metaphysical connection becomes all too visceral and you suddenly have to pull yourselves apart from where you were linked, gut to gut. You bleed into your own hands and know that it’s temporary, that the connection that grew from afar will grow in place again before the next time you see each other but it’s hard to think of anything besides the distance for the moment.

Friday, January 22, 2010

it's 7.oo am in the morning. i can't sleep. i've been crying since midnight. i dunno what happen to me. i've been feeling all low this whole week. i can't control my anger. i speak without thinking. i get mad easily. i'm too sensitive. i'm going back to matrics tomorrow and i am a mess. i don't do my homework, assignments and study at all. sorry to you if i am not being able to control myself. i swear to god it is all beyond my expectations. i am becoming bipolar nowadays. one minute i am absolutely okay and the next i am pissed. i don't understand myself either. i just need you to be with me for this whole week because i am depressed. i am far away from you. i am holding on to all the things that can keep me stronger every single day. i guess i've lost the battle. i can't control my patience. you don't know how bad i miss you. i'm sorry for not listening and understanding what you were saying. i know i've been rude to you and i go against you but i didn't mean any of it. we both got issues. i'm so sorry again. i know i've been so hard on you this week. believe me, i don't want any of it. i don't know what i rebel to actually. i just need to let it out. i hope you would understand but obviously you don't. i don't know if we can make it anymore. maybe you wouldn't wanna be with me. but for the sake of love, please reconsider. i've gone through enough. you have no idea how i deal with all of it. just once, i need you to think and show me what is the meaning of love that i have always wanted from you. maybe i am not the best you have ever had but atleast i wanna be in some place in your heart. i hope we could make it work again, we have been so great together. just i lost my way & i need you to get me back on track. we both have to change and learn. that's all i guess.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

every ending has a beginning. my love story starts again. i have always been in love with that person since the first time i know how to love. after all i think you're worth the wait. now i'm happy to have you by my side.

About Me

overtherainbows

There are some things about myself I can’t explain to anyone. There are some things I don’t understand at all. I can’t tell what I think about things or what I’m after. I don’t know what my strengths are or what I’m supposed to do about them. But if I start thinking about these things in too much detail the whole thing gets scary. And if I get scared I can only think about myself. I become really self-centered, and without meaning to, I hurt people. So I’m not such a wonderful human being.