Kris Attfield is the author of three books: The Book of Finch, Letters to Whomever, The Eagle's Sore: A Novella and Pfhonge, The Inter-Continental Brink of Madness, Air Defence, Doorless Darts and Blaine Bananatree - a bunch of video games.

Thursday, February 6, 2014

My Serious (?) Psychological Issues

It's strange. I still remember seeing Jesus Christ, dressed in blue, when Jeffery R Holland was in town.

I haven't heard if Elder Holland has verified my claim or not, but I do know that LDS general authorities do answer questions that I ask only in prayer from general conference and devotional pulpits.

It's so strange that I, a man with such (previous) great faith in mormonism and such a firmly rooted knowledge of their magic have such doubts about them that I would deny them as a satanic cult.

If I saw Jesus years ago, and Elder Holland can verify my claim --- then why aren't we able to get along with each other? I think the LDS apostles are very wise men, and they answer my questions and all ---- but somehow I just have a number of issues or psychological problems that keep me from fully participating in the LDS church.

Maybe it's because I remember the faults of the mormons too well, and it's really hard for me to want to be with them with all my memories. Maybe this is why remembering is so wrong.

But there's another aspect too:: my own brother doesn't believe my testimony of Jesus Christ, so I can't really be ordained to be an elder anyway, if even just because of my own brother.

Then there's also the part where my brother can argue for hours on end about church doctrine - someone in my family is so mentally ill that they'll just take a totally unreasonable viewpoint or stance and nothing will change their position. Because of the contention trying to discuss religion causes in our home, we can't have the religion anymore.

so 1) I remember too much of how bad the church treated me.
2) My brother doesn't believe in my testimony of JC so I can't really be an elder
and 3) My brother will argue with me about doctrine, so to keep the fighting away we don't have church anymore.

Sad how that turned out. I mean, you'd think that if Jeffery R Holland and I could agree that Jesus appeared in Calgary dressed in blue, then we'd be able to get along wouldn't you?

First off, if Jesus didn't appear to Jeffery R Holland then I'd say there's something wrong with him or the church.

The church would probably say that it's something wrong with me. That's only if our testimonies don't match up about Jesus Christ in Calgary.

And regardless of whether our testimonies match or not, I can't really be with the church anyway just because of all the serious social issues as well as psychological problems I've developed dealing with these people.