Thursday, March 15, 2007

breakup philosophy

Coworker #2: My ex keeps talking to me! I need to move on, and she's making it harder.

Coworker #1: Just do what I do.

Rest of us: [turning attentively toward him]

Coworker #1: Delete her number from your mobile, block her from your IM, and tell your common friends, "Pick a side -- me or her."

...

I told this to Trent, who said, "Don't forget to set up an email filter so that her emails are automatically routed to the Trash."

Dan and I previously discussed the best way to handle a breakup. You can either continue to talk to each other, or stop contact cold turkey until you're both over it.

We both think it's better to take a break from your ex, until the relationship ashes are cold.

Now, the difficult situation is if your ex wants to talk, and you've moved on but you know they haven't. Further contact is going to prolong their recovery. Do you figure that they know what's best for themselves, so you go along? Or do you decide they're not behaving in their own best interests, and you ignore their calls in order to protect them from themselves?

You impose an impasse by telling them that you are too pained by talking to them and cannot bear the contact. If they keep contacting you at that point you shut them out. This will spare you the drama and will save them from pain. My formula is that the time to resume contact is after twice the time of the duration of the relationship has passed.

It is very hard to cut all kind of communications, but I think is the only way....well, when there was true love...If it was just a game....theres no problem, you can keep talking to each other :DWell thats what I think

And besides, how long would that drama last? And does it really matter? How weak can a person be if ya so easily moved by your friends. Talk about peer pressure. :/

One should learn how to control their own emotions, thoughts and words, no matter the circumstances.

Been there done that. It makes me much stronger than before, meaning I don't take no crap from nobody unless it's made of gold and worth my time. The process wasn't easy, but since when good things come easy? It only comes easy for short term, which we all lovingly enjoy and suffer later on.

I prefer to stop all contact until my feelings are resolved. Usually once they are resolved, I wouldn't take him back if somebody paid me. By that time I've finally opened my eyes to how bad things were (not just the good times) and I don't see how I could go back.

As for him, I don't care if he keeps loving me forever or not. His recovery has nothing to do with me. He should've done right to begin with then we'd still be together and happy. :)

Sometimes I get a series of negative blog comments that arrive a few minutes apart, from older and older entries. It's clearly from a single reader.

They will devote 3 or 4 hours to reading through all of my archives, even as they post comments about how lame I am.

The latest one is the most dedicated. Judging from the pattern of attack, his/her understanding of English is minimal or nonexistent. Yet this foul-mouthed racist reader is going through every entry, looking for comments in Mandarin and writing asian-supremacy follow-ups. It has been going on over several days now.

Sometimes I get a series of negative blog comments that arrive a few minutes apart, from older and older entries. It's clearly from a single reader.=============================吾尝得间或之负面博客评价，甚尔很古老之帖子，吾判断此乃一人所为也。

They will devote 3 or 4 hours to reading through all of my archives, even as they post comments about how lame I am.========================有人兴奋乃费三四小时来观吾之如此之古老之帖，甚尔置诸如“吾乃烂人”之评论。

The latest one is the most dedicated. Judging from the pattern of attack, his/her understanding of English is minimal or nonexistent. Yet this foul-mouthed racist reader is going through every entry, looking for comments in Mandarin and writing asian-supremacy follow-ups. It has been going on over several days now. ===============最近一人士更而“专注”。吾从其攻击风格于是判断乃一不熟英文之先生/小姐，甚而是种族主义者，下流无比，以普通话（还几吧满大人呢……）撰写亚洲至上论（错矣，乃中国至上论）。此乃最近即日之似水流年故事……

maybe you should just do one of those limited access things that they do on xanga. I mean it sucks to have to have everyone register, but its probably better than letting someone turn your website into a forum for racist propoganda.

About Me

I live in San Francisco. I am the founder and CEO of Evertoon. Previously I was CTO of Minted, cofounder of Google Desktop, founder of Google Lively, and an engineering leader on Gmail Ads and Microsoft Flight Simulator. I have an awesome little brother. My name is pronounced like "Vivian" with N's.
I'm on twitter at twitter.com/niniane.