5 Technologies That Will Help You Become The Next Super Villain

Technology evolves at an exponential rate. We become more connected to each other through technology; and we work together to advance the Human society one day at a time.

Sometimes, I like to think about what it would be like to be completely in control…. of everything at my feet. Make people see the world as I envision it.

Like how I could carry out such a feat.

How I could…..

Become a Super Villain!!!!

Let’s Start With The EVIL MUSTACHE! I Can Probably Hide A Knife In There. A Knife and Bourbon. The Most Evil of Alcohols!

Now let’s start with the basics.

Some jerk named Andrew took the last Chocolate Chip Ice Cream sandwich at the supermarket; leaving you with the taste for sweets and his blood.

How can you ruin his life?

1. Freeze Rays

Claim the mighty cold as your weapon by creating a freeze ray. Of DOOM!

A World Free Of Ice Cream Sandwiches May As Well Be Free Of Life Itself…..

Scientists a the University of Nanyang in China have created a laser array that can cool super conductors from 62 degrees to below 0 Fahrenheit. It’s not a massive breakthrough yet, but the science is sound enough (we’ve been tinkering with the idea as theory since 1985) where we can hypothetically replicate the process with any form of matter. Sub -atomically, the lasers can be “tuned” shoot photons at atoms at the frequencies that are cause the atoms to slow down their movement. This eliminates the kinetic energy dispersed by matter’s speeding atoms thus making Andrew into a jerk-sicle.

Taking care of Andrew fills you with enough joy to continue on with villainy. But so far it’s only been two-bit villainy; and like any entrepreneur, you need some seed money to scale up the business. Federal banks are full of money, the only issue is that most are heavily guarded by men with guns. Unfortunately, you are not yet exempt from man’s greatest weakness…bullets . Time for a little break-in at NASA.

2. Super Suit/Armour

The above video describes one of several types of self healing materials being developed by NASA, DARPA, and mad scientists. The above polymer can repair itself with just the right application of heat, but would still leave any non-armored fleshbag(YOU) with a bullet to the bladder. Luckily, scientists at MIT have also been tinkering with the micro-structure of metallic alloys and are able to create a self-healing metal (eventually). The metal under its breaking point would undergo a structural rebuilding at the atomic level and stabilize it’s shape. It’s the equivalent of people losing weight by wearing SPANX.

Now that you’ve developed the perfect armor and robbed a few banks, it’s about time to really seal the deal with GLOBAL DOMINATION.

3. Warp Drive

Moon bases aren’t too cliché; plus RETRO is totally in season now. But, how do we get to space in a relatively quick matter?

As discussed in a previous article, NASA is working on a building a WARP drive that would remove our dependency on fossil fuels and drop the cost of rocket fuel production as well as create travel that is fast enough to send humans to other planets. Although most of the warp tech is based on non-existent anti-gravity technology; we are getting closer to the dream.

Scientists and astrophysicists in America, China, and Germany are collaborating on a drive build initially developed in the 2000’s by Roger Shawyer. His designs were originally panned, but the Chinese built a model based off of his designs that actually produces anti-gravitational thrust… But scientists don’t reeally know why is works just yet.

Okay, now with your stolen Warp Drive; you travel to the moon to create a home base; however, you are getting some heat from Earth since kidnapping a good deal of NASA scientists and physicists. It’s time to think about defenses.

4. DIY Death Rays

Building a moon base is costly and requires a lot of materials. There is not much left to craft a weapons system and stealing from NASA isn’t an option anymore. If only there was a free online source of materials where you could learn how to create a scale-able super weapon…… Oh Yeah. It’s called YouTube.

Glory be delivered unto thee by rednecks and bored suburban kids. The laser array built by this guy is fairly simple and can be replicated to a blind man’s delight.

Now that you’ve created a massive laser array from a giant glass dome, some diodes, and rubber bands; it’s time to think about the last piece of expansion. A legion of minions…. one that can survive the cold of space and Netflix marathons.

5. Robot Army

Thanks to current trends in boredom, it’s now easier than ever to own a robotic death companion. You can buy this one on Amazon.

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A Man With Ideas, A Pen, And Occasionally Paper. Director/Animator/Writer/Producer/ Super-Mexican. A man with a great love of all things Horror, Sci-Fi, Anime, and 1950's Mexican Exploitation Films.