how to get even with your ex

Friday, August 20, 2010

We have been together for 5 years. We had a fight and I was upset with her. I suggested that she leave my place and go back to her parents (out of anger not because I wanted her too). She left and now its been 6 months. We still talk and I've been trying to win her back. She is still upset that I let her walk out of my life without me even trying to convince her to stay. She says he is still anger and that she doesn't know if she can forgive me. All I want is a second chance to prove to her that she is the only one for me. How and what can I do to get her to forgive me?How do you get your ex-girlfriend to forgive you and give you a second chance?I've learned about this the hard way...I did this to my first love...not thinking he would leave but, he did...I didn't hesitate to stop him, I just let him go...at that time, not thinking and letting my pride and hope make me think he would come back to me...but he didn't.

When we say things out of anger, we don't mean it...yet you have to accept your consequences.

Now if you love her...you roll with the punches. If you lucky and she still loves you...she'll make it work again...but you have to understand that she has the upper hand. YOU can't do anything to force her to change her feelings...you CAN only be there for her when she needs you...WOW 6 months is a long time.

In my own heart i consider my second ex girlfriend as my enemy for breaking my heart and that she wanted us to be friend. Honestly i really don't believe that here this message at the end here my poem expressing how i felt after the breakup

Her message

-sigh- someone brainwashed you didnt they.

look if your still made about what happened to us so be it, but i cant change the past because guess what.....its the past!!!!=O so deal

i tried to go back to being friends then you ignore me i try online you start talking to me but its all semi-suisidal rantings then i try to joke with you, your serious. honestly i dont know if i wanna be your friend anymore, or what ever you consider us as who knows what i am to you.

i could be dead for all i know

My message

okay you know what

1. I'm over that

2. I know what's in the past is in the past

3. just because I'm semi-suisidal doesn't mean i want to do it

4. your not dead to mean unless you do something like killed my folks or my gf or my bros (which i know your not that crazy to do) then I would know that your dead by getting revenge by paintballing your house with a smily joker face or kill you .

5.Brainwashing not okay!?!! how is that possible even though they might do on t.v.

6. after what happend to us I hated you!!! it hurt me I couldn't sleep or eat. everytime you would say hi i would say goodbye then I realized that hating someone was never in my nature

7.you know Laura thinks that I should find peace with you and forgive you

8. I'm pretty sure that I dead to you too!

Her message

answers

1,2,3 ok as long as you dont actually do it were cool even semi is bad enough.

4, i agree with you on that one

5, it is possible to do, its kinda when you get that mentality that everythings gonna be fine but its only gonna get worse. kinda like that but with a person telling you that.

6,see was that so hard? i've been trying to get you to say that to me, to get you to speak whats on your mind for a year! was that really that hard?

7,well laura's right. i mean i have been trying to be your friend for awhile

8,you were'nt dead to me. how many times have i tried to reach out to you? i really did try but come on. can anyone try forever?

it hurts you so

I know it's over and I can't believe

but the turth is real, so take your leave

you wanted us to be friends, to make it less

well guess what sister, THIS IS YOUR MESS.

I try so hard to make it better, you might as

well trash the roses and my love letter. As time

moves on and u found new love, I grew so bored and

completely sick of. We see each other in the halls

as you said ';hi';, I walk passed you and said ';Good-bye';.

At lunch you go by me and said ';were friends now we

shouldn't fight'; as I closed my eyes and yelled,';Get out of my sight';

as you walk away with sadness in your eyes, I really don't want to hear

any more of your lies. My sorrows grew from head to toe,

I looked at your face and whispers '; it hurts you so';Your Ex a friend or an enemy (this is long)?if u r not my friend i consider u a foe and an enemy

In my own heart i consider my second ex girlfriend as my enemy for breaking my heart and that she wanted us to be friend. Honestly i really don't believe that here this message at the end here my poem expressing how i felt after the breakup

Her message

-sigh- someone brainwashed you didnt they.

look if your still made about what happened to us so be it, but i cant change the past because guess what.....its the past!!!!=O so deal

i tried to go back to being friends then you ignore me i try online you start talking to me but its all semi-suisidal rantings then i try to joke with you, your serious. honestly i dont know if i wanna be your friend anymore, or what ever you consider us as who knows what i am to you.

i could be dead for all i know

My message

okay you know what

1. I'm over that

2. I know what's in the past is in the past

3. just because I'm semi-suisidal doesn't mean i want to do it

4. your not dead to mean unless you do something like killed my folks or my gf or my bros (which i know your not that crazy to do) then I would know that your dead by getting revenge by paintballing your house with a smily joker face or kill you .

5.Brainwashing not okay!?!! how is that possible even though they might do on t.v.

6. after what happend to us I hated you!!! it hurt me I couldn't sleep or eat. everytime you would say hi i would say goodbye then I realized that hating someone was never in my nature

7.you know Laura thinks that I should find peace with you and forgive you

8. I'm pretty sure that I dead to you too!

Her message

answers

1,2,3 ok as long as you dont actually do it were cool even semi is bad enough.

4, i agree with you on that one

5, it is possible to do, its kinda when you get that mentality that everythings gonna be fine but its only gonna get worse. kinda like that but with a person telling you that.

6,see was that so hard? i've been trying to get you to say that to me, to get you to speak whats on your mind for a year! was that really that hard?

7,well laura's right. i mean i have been trying to be your friend for awhile

8,you were'nt dead to me. how many times have i tried to reach out to you? i really did try but come on. can anyone try forever?

it hurts you so

I know it's over and I can't believe

but the turth is real, so take your leave

you wanted us to be friends, to make it less

well guess what sister, THIS IS YOUR MESS.

I try so hard to make it better, you might as

well trash the roses and my love letter. As time

moves on and u found new love, I grew so bored and

completely sick of. We see each other in the halls

as you said ';hi';, I walk passed you and said ';Good-bye';.

At lunch you go by me and said ';were friends now we

shouldn't fight'; as I closed my eyes and yelled,';Get out of my sight';

as you walk away with sadness in your eyes, I really don't want to hear

any more of your lies. My sorrows grew from head to toe,

I looked at your face and whispers '; it hurts you so';Your Ex a friend or an enemy (this is long)?if u r not my friend i consider u a foe and an enemy

Question: I've been married for 10 years and now we have been separated for almost 6 months. I found out 1 week after leaving that I am pregnant. We have a 3 year old boy. I have always loved my husband and left him, hoping that he'd realize that he has times when he's not all that nice. He never looked back. He cheated on me 1 month after separation.

I know my marriage is over now. I am coming to grips with that, but I'm guessing some of you have been through divorce. When does it stop hurting? When does it become easier to see him with another woman? When does the vindictiveness stop? Here I am, about to have another child with him and he's wondering if I would consent to allowing his new g/f into the deliver room! I'm not even sure I want HIM in the delivery room. Does anyone relate to this? Why is it so hard to let go?How long did it take you to get over your ex-husband?Well number one. Technically if you are legally seperated and if the law does not state other wise or any other legal agreement between you two. Having sex or getting a girlfriend during a legal seperation or being seperated does not indicate cheating. SO technically he did nothing wrong. Morally and perhaps it hurt your feelings and broke your heart but it was not legally cheating. But it does leave you feeling betrayed if only after a month of being apart and not longer ';married'; cause seperated is not married anymore hun. That he could throw 10 years away like that and not even think.

Guys sometimes are simple minded and one track minds. they do not really think, rationalize, weigh and rethink situations or other peoples feelings.....

to answer about your children. Ask yourself this

1) how mean was he, and will this not so nice reflect your kids in any negative way?

2) does he treat your son good, and will he make a good father to this new baby as well?

3) is he a good father and will he remain so afterwards the divorce is final?

A) it doesn't ever really stop hurting. deep down you will always hurt. humans are not made to just forget stuff like feelings and emotions especially of a 10 year marriage. the pain will dull and subside and you will be able to move on. That can take time. It takes time to get over any pain/loss one feels especially of a relationship/marriage coming to an end and no resolution in sight, and the loss of that person. It leaves you feeling empty and loss. But the key is to get passed that. Face your feelings, the hurt ( get him and you to go the a therapist together and perhaps his new gf too if its going to be serious, and your son as well).[ face how you feel. stand up for yourself and your children.

the hurt to answer directly. the major part where it leaves you crying and feels like your body is being torn down, will subside in time.

It may never become easier to see him with another women. but you got to move on. and find yourself someone that you love. but no hurry, do not rush or force anything. but it will be easier to see him with another women when he sees you with another man. especially when you find one who treats you better and you love so deeply.

the vindictiveness may never stop. but after everything is settled in court it may subside.

I wouldn't allow the gf to be in the delivery room let alone near my child. you can specify that for visitation it has to be only him and not this girlfriend. in the papers with the court.

its so hard to let go because the feelings and the good are forever in YOU and in your memory. things will trigger it and you have to learn to work past this.

find hobbies, go to therapy with .. HIM, your son , yoruself and this gf if she is a serious thing....

Letting go is not always easy.

I relate to this is so many different ways. I was married previously ( long story) but its over and i got over it...so i know the loss even though it wasnt 10 years and we do not have kids togehter.

i have lost someone deer to me and i know its hard at first but time and space and effort helps

good luck to youHow long did it take you to get over your ex-husband?i know how you feel, my husband up and left me and his unborn baby at 7 months pregnant for a 17r old high school girl. i have to come to grips everyday that there together and that soon he will we get visitation rights to his daughter even though he is the one the cheated!

it is going to take a long time to get over such hurt. i go thru so many moods everyday, anger, hate, love,disgust, crying, rage.

what you need to do is not focus on the man he used to be but focus on what he has become... a cheater!

from the sound of it he does not love you any more and you deserve so much better than him! do not let him in to the delivery room and if it was me i wouldn't put him on the birth certificate either. limit seeing him as much as you can!

me and him was 2gether for 3.5 years and it was ok not perfect and not bad. i know he loves me and i love him 4 sure.

and about a month ago he said that he dont want to be 2gether cuz he tired of things that i do liek nag him all the time and ***** about things.

he still talks to me ont he phone and i've seen him 2 days ago and when we was walking my shirt was up a lil and my skin was shown and he said pull down your shirt. when i look at him i can see in his eyes that he miss me and loves me, but y didnt he just say that he wants to seperate for a while.

and he told me that he has another gurl and i ask so much about her that he start to tell me dont worry about it why does it matta and its not important.

people i know and my friends tell me that he lies to you so you can leave him alone and not bother him.

i want to do that but i wish i knew if he will coem back. i know he loves me and cares he even told me that. after a break up.

i told him that i understand that i was wrong and that i will try my best not to nag and ***** and he said ok and i said i just want to be ur friend now.

then when i seen him i started to ask about his new gf and nag him i asked him to show my his gf. pic in his phone he said he will and now he says no he wont cuz he dont want me to be mad and nag about her. i don t really believe that he has another gf. and he said that i say 1 thing and do the other so what i say aboutme change is bull.

so it tells me that he want me to change and then we can be 2gether? what you guys think.

i will do that i will change to be with him, cuz i know we love each other and we will be happy 2gether.What would you do about your ex if you were me? how would u get him back?Very complex question.

Sounds like you guys just need to be alone together away from a door or a phone so he cant walk away or call anybody or have anybody call him or you.

Ask him exactly how he feels about you and you cant interrupt him and then when he's done, tell him exactly how you feel about him and he cant interrupt you.

Then you guys need to talk about what you have together and where you guys stand as a couple.

If he wants to see someone else, talk about why he wants to and if you can still be together.

:)What would you do about your ex if you were me? how would u get him back?SORRY! TI DON'T think he will come back.He DOESN'T LIKE your nagging.He has probably moved on.That's what you should do!It's over and he just doesn't have the balls to break it off cleanly with you.

It sounds like you are better off without him, I know the loneliness is hard but you will move on when the time is right.

Don't change to be with him. That never works.Forget about him and take some English classes for ummm..fun!Ask not how he can change for you, but how you can change for him. Like, try not to complain and jump on top of things so much. Don't nag and ***** all the time and let things go.Guys aren't really worth all the trouble of changing who you are. If he truly loves you, then you wouldn't have to nag. He'd be happy to do whatever makes you happy. It shouldn't be a big chore for either of you.If he has a girlfriend, he does not love you. This is all you wanting him back as he said he wants to be your friend.Why would you want the jerk back?Hmm ya...seems like he is trying to change your behavior. Let him come to you. Don't beg him to be with you and don't change who you are for him either.

Nagging is it? Well did you have a reason or were you just being a nag...if you had a reason it isn't nagging.he finds fault with u because he has someone else, its an excuse they give u when they want someone else, most likely it has nothing to do with anything u did, or didn't do, he is just stringing u along, so if she dumps him he will still have some where to go, but if he loved u he would never have left to be with her. its really all about them, not u or what u may have done. just an excuse so he will not have to be accountable or have to take any of the blame for his own choices or actions. personally u need to distance yourself from this cheater, and move on, find someone who doesn't cheat or find fault with u. he just don't love u like u love him, or think he loves u.No. He wanted to break up. If you try to ';change'; you'll only be acting fake, not the real you. That never works.If he were so in love with you, he would have never left, and he wouldn't be bangin' some other chic while your on here asking how to get him back.I think you need to let him be w/ his ';girlfriend';Ok. We have all been in this spot at one point or another. Honey the best thing you can do is fall in love with yourself. Change your hair or go shopping for a new look and new you. Find a hobby. Get some girl time in with friends. The best thing you can do is act like you are over him. Show confidence in yourself and he will be thinking your over him. Maybe the shoe will be on the other foot and he will start calling you and asking questions. Create suspense. If it doesn't work at least you will have a new look for your new life and maybe latch onto a new man. GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!

i'm so sorry this is so long... but i just feel like i have to let everything out!!! *tears* :(

ok... it wasn't a big deal at first....

i'm a kool girlfriend and i trust him...

but early this year his ex sent me a message lying and saying that she was his girlfriend of 7 years and asking if he's cheating on her with me and blah blah blah.... and at that time i believed her... and broke up with him...

we got back together when i found out that she was lying....

but that wasn't the end of it... i started recieving messages from her cousins telling me that i'm a whore and a slut and that my boyfriend really wants to be with her cousin and blah blah blah....

my boyfriend told me to ignore her and her cousins, and i tried, but i couldn't... i wrote them back basically telling them to leave us alone and mind their own business basically....

then she started threatening me, telling me that she knows were i live and she knows what classes i take and she will come to my school and embarrass me.... mind you, this is a 21 year old WOMAN... i'm 20, and i live on campus at a university, and my bf is 21...

i broke up with his again for a reason not involving her.... and during the time we were broken up, he told me that he brought her over his house to kind of ';clear things up'; and ';make things right';... and i couldn't get mad because we weren't together.... but i was thinking why do you want to clear things up with your eX???

before we got back together, i told him if he wants to be with me, he has to stop talking to her.... and he said he would... but i just knew he was lying....because it's not that easy to stop talking to someone you knew almost all your life... he even told me that himself....

THEN..his grandmother died, and i knew he told her because of their history together (they've know each other since they were 14, she was his first and everything!!!)... so i didn't want to ask him about it because he was going through a loss... he was very close with is grandma...

so recently i found out his password to his facebook... yes i was being nosey and i wanted to find out what it was because she is his friend on facebook...it was an extremely easy password that he always uses..almost like he wanted me to find out....

but anyways, i saw messages from her telling him ';i want my dick'; and ';what sexual pleasure can i do for you'; and just a lot of inappropriate stuff... even though he didn't respond back to it.... it really upset me.... and i called him crying and telling him its over...

so he basically stalked me for a while... texting me and calling me and telling me he misses me... one time he came to my school unannounced and was almost in tears... telling me he needs me and misses me.... i left his car and walked away... he got out of his car with the key still in the ignition and ran to me begging for me back....

i told him ';your car is still on'; he was like ';idk about my car!!'; lol

and he told me if we didn't get back together he would stalk me... idk y... but i thought that was cute in a wierd way... of course at the time i was like ';your a weirdo';.... but neways... as of now we're back together because he told me that he wants the ';just be friends with her'; but she want to be MORE than that...

do you think i should stay in a relationship like this.... we've been together for 1 year and 3 months... i care about him but i don't want to be hurt!! he wants to stay friends with her but she obviously doesn't care about our relationship... and how can you be friends with someone who talks about your gf...

i never check his phone or anything but i feel like she and him probably text each other nasty stuff.. and she probably sends him nasty pictures... i'm so sad right now.... i mean if she's sending him all this stuff on facebook... what are they talking about??? texting eachother??

sometimes i feel like i'm jealous of their relationship...

idk you guys...i know he cares about me because he shows it in sooooo many ways... but is it worth still being with him and having to put up with this crap!!! :( please help me becasue i honestly have no one else to really talk to this about... thanx!!!

*tears* :(My boyfriend is still friends with his ex.... what should i do?I would say no,it's not worth it but if you're going to break up with someone do it because it's best for you-not because it's what his freaky ex wants you to do. I think you should be careful,though-he would have cut her off long ago if she didn't mean something to him.

Proceed with extreme caution-and if your instincts start telling you he's having a relationship with her and you at the same time,get out of the situation.My boyfriend is still friends with his ex.... what should i do?Oh wow you really have a big problem here. I feel sorry for you since i know how you may feel. But not to an extent. My boyfriend and me have been dating around 3 years now but at the beginning, i was a rebound girlfriend since he just broke up with his ex who lives far away from him but they still dated. Anyways she would always say stuff behind my back and it really hurt and i found him talking to her sort of teasing her sometimes on my space but nothing too major. But one day he told me that she wants him back and she has like a whole scheme planned out and it really hurt and it even hurts me now to talk about this :(

But i was so upset but luckily she lived far away so she never did anything to get him back or anything. So that was okay and not like my bf wanted her anyways. However in your case its much worse and i would be constantly paranoid and worried what he may be up to and what she might be up to. Where does she live or go? is she in the same university as you?

It all sounds so childish to me about his cousins and her starting that rumour that they are together etc and calling you mean things that's so immature. And i know they may have a history but it doesn't mean they are right for each other. But it sounds like you are always hurt since his ex will never stop stalking him! I would be so lost in your position. I think you should stop breaking up and making up. You just need to tell him to cut her off facebook and anything else since its clearly getting in the way of things and i think that's the only logical thing to do. If he doesn't want to then you need to leave him since in the end i think you will only be hurt.

I don't see how its possible for me to move on if I still wanna be with my ex bf. I get jealous even thinking of him with someone else. So how do you handle this???How do you handle being just friends with your ex boyfriend when you still have feelings for them?Just reminding yourself they are not with you anymore doesn't always work. There are just some ex's you just can't be friends with anymore because well, sometimes the baseline feelings just don't go away for a long time. I don't think there is a need to be rude about it and yes maybe one day down the road a friendship will rebuild but for now your emotional health is priority one and the friendship with him is a distant second.How do you handle being just friends with your ex boyfriend when you still have feelings for them?However much you want to remain friends with your ex, it's sometimes really difficult because you both may need to be with someone else. In my opinion, there's nothing wrong with being friends, you just have to make sure you don't get too jealous if he starts seeing another girl. It's difficult straight after a break-up becasue your emotions change and there are bound to be those little things that remind you of being together. I was in a similar position and wanted to speak/see my ex but it didn't seem like he wanted to at that stage. Now i've sorted myself out a bit and feel like i can actually survive without him! Perhaps leave it a few weeks then see how you feel towards him. Good luck xxxi know exactly how you feel.

my ex and i broke up not too long ago and i still have feelings for him.

it's really up to you whether you wanna move on or not.

if you do wanna move on i say:

-try giving yourself space from him. it doesn't mean you have to totally ignore him, but try hanging out with a different group of friends if he's apart of your circle of friends

-take some time for yourself, do things you used to do when you were single; reading, hobbies, etc.

-friends! friends always help you through situations like these. rely on them to help you take your mind off of him

if you wanna keep going for him:

*yes, the breaking up part is the hardest stage to get over. but there are some things you can do in the healing process

-give him some space. you both need it, which is why the breakup occurred in the first place. this'll give you both time to think things out and get back to a clear, mental state of mind

-keep yourself busy; turn off your phone and just relax. sometimes you just need to get away from all the craziness in the world and just take some time for yourself

i hope this helps!

best wishes!Im in the same boat as you. I broke up with my ex 3 months ago, yet he wants to be friends and I told him NO, because to me it's not going to help me to move on. I told him we can't be friends and better not to talk anymore, although I miss him very much but I know there's no point at all of being ';friends';, not at this point of time at least.

Focus on yourself and don't even bother talking to himif you still have feelings with your ex and you wanna get over him, it is best that you set distance between the two of you. it would be better and faster for you to heal and move on. esp. if you think he doesn't want to get back with you.

it would be an additional burden for you if you would keep in contact with him and you know you still love him.Give yourself some space away from him. It sounds like you are not giving yourself a chance to grieve for the relationship, and by hanging on as friends, maybe there is a tiny little hope inside that you might get back together again?

You need to lose the love, and get used to just being friends. I don't know if it will work or not, but you owe it to yourself to heal.how can you mone own when you still sleep together? why did you sllep with him as you are not with him?

%26amp; why you are not with him if you both have feelings?i dont untersrand........

if you CAN be with him then OK, nice, if not then YOU have ot stop talking ot him ,or NOT to see him

how you are now is really ont ok!!hmm...this is a tough one..lol..

wat u can do is that u maintain to be NORMAL friends with him..and u should start meeting new guys..try making new frends..who knows? like that, u may develop a thing for other guy and u will start to forget ur ex..but remember, just act like normal friends..its for your own good..talk to him when he talks to you..I say you need to work on your jealousy. He's not your boyfriend, so you need to remind yourself of that.

I'd say it's best you not contact him anymore or at least until you've gotten over him.Just watch snuggle bunny and you'll feel better. :) Seriously though just take things day by day, talk to him. Have a serious talk with him about both of your feelings and see where that goes.I'd just talk to him. Yall are buds, so just ask him about the breakup. Just say you still kinda like him.It's gonna be hard which is why you have to try doubly hard to ignore him. Even when you guys may be hanging out as friends..You can be with hanging with someone but still ignore them because your personality and focus at the time is not mirroring them.

Eg. You guys are haning out and he's talking to you, and you're perky and bubbly and although you're listening you're also very aware of your surroundings, people passing by, a cute puppy...and he's talking and you cut him off and go that puppy is so cute!

I'm not saying it has to be exactly like that but it's like you're hanging on his every word. He has your attention but not your focus.

It is important that even if you don't feel that bubbly way to project that to him (don't go overboard that it's fake)because he'll see you as this bubbly, fun, great girl and start to wonder why he broke up with you.

Of course this isn't a guarantee that he'll run back to your arms but it could make him see beyond whatever it is that caused you guys to break up and want to get back together or at the very least secure you a spot in his life as one of his best friends. That positive attitude also helps you to get over him because in time it won't be an act it will come naturally and that positive energy projects positive people.

Good luck!

as you are like ball of energy and happiness and so in love with life and the things around you.