Old dogs, war dogs, puppies or strays,

Poetry has power to brighten our days

Dog stories and poems are best read aloud,

To an audience of one or a theater crowd.

SLEEPING DOGS

Whoever
said "LET SLEEPING DOGS LIE" didn't sleep with dogs. The first thing you
discover when you bring a dog onto your bed is the striking difference in weight
between an alert, awake dog and a dog at rest.

Rule Number One:

The deeper the sleep, the heavier the
dog.

Most people who sleep with dogs develop
spinal deformities rather than rent the heavy equipment necessary to move their
snoring canines to a more appropriate part of the bed.

Cunning canines steal precious space in
tiny increments until they have achieved the center position on the bed - with
all covers carefully tucked under them for safekeeping.

The stretch and roll method is very
effective in gaining territory. Less subtle tactics are sometimes preferred.

A jealous dog can worm his way between a
sleeping couple and, with the proper spring action from all four legs, shove a
sleeping human to the floor.

Rule Number Two:

Dogs possess superhuman strength while
on a bed.

As you cling to the edge of the bed,
wishing you had covers, your sweet pup begins to snore at a volume you would not
have thought possible.

Once that quiets down, the dog dreams
begin. Yipping, growling, running, kicking. Your bed becomes a battlefield and
playground of canine fantasy. It starts out with a bit of "sleep running", lots
of eye movement and then, suddenly, a shrieking howl blasted through the night
like a banshee wail.

The horror of this wake-up call haunts
you for years. It's particularly devastating when your pup insists on sleeping
curled around your head like a demented Daniel Boone cap.

Rule Number
Three:

The deeper the sleep, the louder the
dog.

The night creeps on and you fall asleep
in the 3 inches of bed not claimed by a dog. The dog dreams quiet slightly and
the heap of dog flesh sleeps - breathing heavily and passing wind.

Then, too soon, it's dawn and the heap
stirs. Each dog has a distinctive and unpleasant method of waking the pack. One
may position itself centimeters from a face and stare until you wake.

The clever dog obtains excellent results
by simply sneezing on your face, or they could romp all over your sleeping
bodies - or the ever-loving insertion of a tongue in an unsuspecting ear.

Rule Number
Four:

When the dog wakes - you wake.

So, why do we put up with this? There's
no sane reason. Perhaps it's just that we're a pack and a pack heaps
together at night - safe, contented, heavy and loud.