By Jordana Lipsitz

It’s been a HECK of a year. We might just all need a magical Christmas/Hanukah/Winter Solstice to counteract 345-ish days of existential depression and consistent dread. We’re talking thoughtful presents! We’re talking New Years Eve nookie! We’re talking eggnog and volunteering at community Christmas dinners and good will toward (wo)men. The whole chestnut, preferably roasting on an open fire.

For now, it’s time to focus on the *presents* portion of the season. If anything in this life is clear it’s that intention is important. We could all use some American-made beauty, positivity, and sexiness this holiday season. Am. I. Right? Please, grab your wallet from your crumpled floor pants, pull out a card (no, not that one that one) and join me on this glorious buying spree.

Thundress’ online store boasts proudly, “We don't want toxic chemicals in our cooters anymore, and we thought maybe you didn't either.” Well, Thundress, that is a very valid assessment of what I want. This company, launched in 2015 with a Kickstarter, makes “coochie friendly” underwear. With the bold pronouncement of “Protect ya puss” on this dope crop they showcase this sex-positive attitude. It never hurts to remind a friend about self-care and puss protection with the purchase of a well-cut crop top.

Artist Sara M. Lyons wants to show, using her amazing geode vag pin that there are yonic sights all over nature. Vulvas as far as the eyes can see if you only just look. She describes the pin as a “sexual talisman” and who among us wouldn’t be happy with some good sexual energy? Oh, and you can get the piece in a set with Crystal Dickfor a slightly discounted price. What a steal!

Maybe you want to spread Christmas cheer and sex positivity but don’t have the, shall we say, investment power to throw down multiple Andrew Jackson's (gross) or gifts for all your woes or hoes. Hey, we’ve all been there, and are there right now, and may always be there. Never you fear, you can still make sure your main bitches recognize they are your ho, ho, ho’s with a thoughtful card from Ash Lukashevsky, who’s Instagram proclaims that her goal is, “illustrating to dismantle patriarchal nonsense + systemic racism.”

Amanda Oleander’s work makes my cold heart so happy it nearly melts one of the sheets of ice. With prints about self-love, and couple-love, and dog-love, she reminds us of the simple good stuff in life. She shows happy bodies of ages, weights, and skin tones kicking it in pleasant bliss. Prints are $30 and originals $300. A lot of Amanda’s work is selling out quick, so get cracking!

How do you like your coffee? This crew tank from Creature of Habit is for that bold friend in your life. That pal who is ready and willing to wear her coffee preferences loud and clear, “I like my coffee like I like my men… nowhere near my vagina.” Yas queen, sing your preferences into the streets! Do your thing! And what better way to sing one’s preferences then to a support local business owned by women of color that ships internationally but refuses to mass produce? I truly cannot think of one.

Consent is a wonderful thing. Tushies are a wonderful thing. I mean, they protect our sphincters, that’s important work. On top of that, they look great in bikini bottoms. The “Don’t Touch, Just Look” patch from Born Rad Shop in Long Beach is a healthy celebration of both consent and tushies. Not to mention, the slogan of the store is “Too Weird to Live, Too Rad To Die.” I think I can get down with that.

I cannot commend the next artist more. Yesika Salgado writes some of my favorite poetry and publishes through one of the best publishers in town! In “Credit,” from her second book Tesoro, she proudly exclaims to a past heartbreaker, “Every poem I have ever written is about me.” That’s the sort of chutzpah I can only aspire to. The beautiful stories of love, family, and Los Angeles that Yesika shares through her poetry can honestly bring me to tears. Yesika publishes through Not a Cult, a publishing house dedicated “beautiful, intentional books that enrich and serve the audiences that read them.” Her first book, Corazón, is also a delightful option.

Founder Chelsea Hughes started CantiqLA on a sewing machine in her kitchen as a means of creating beautiful lingerie for all gender identities, body types, all people. The garments are sexy and fabulous. There are functional bras for breastfeeding mothers and a gender fluid line. Now that’s lingerie diversity I can get behind. While all the lingerie is spectacular, you might not feel, like, comfortable picking out another person’s drawers. For that, I present this cute and sassy print which also comes with free boy shorts. You can hook up your favorite thick thigh’d pal with the print then treat yourself to some sexy lingerie!

I am not a fancy adult, but I do know how to pretend to be. You look at my apartment, it looks like someone who has their sh*t together. You look at my bank account, that’s another story. But luckily, my bank account doesn’t get posted on social media (heyyo!). Anyway, one of my top tips for pretending to be a fancy adult is buying a postcard and framing it sleekly. Nedda Afsari of Muted Fawn has done sexy and tantalizing prints of awe-inspiring artists such as St. Vincent and Chelsea Wolfe. A framed Muted Fawn print will add sexy swagger to any home.

What’s better than an elegant and one-of-a-kind vintage tea set? A tea set that proudly proclaims, “feminist as fuck” or “pussy grabs back.” Emily Hillburg’s tea cups are adorable and a little terrifying all at the same time. The aesthetic of sassy lines written with fake blood on something fancy is unrivaled in the comedic ages. Enjoy the most delightful and pussy powerful tea party of all time.

This tote from Jillian Adel is just one of the many must-haves in her fantastic collection of exquisitely composed, impeccably hand-lettered, sex-positive, anti-Nazi, gifts. Though the bold prints and intriguing images Adel creates are all pretty wonderful, I enjoy a tote that gets right down to business. I mean, doesn't it always give people pleasure to make other people feel pleasure? Viva pro-pleasure!

Get a special treat FREE when you order any B Swish massager between Nov 27 and Dec 25.

The best way to make pleasure less taboo is to talk about it… or, in this case carry it! Make a statement by simply sporting this canvas zip-pouch that encourages sex-positivity and self-love. Durable and easy to use, it’s designed to carry all of your essentials from your bedside drawer to your next encounter. Fitting effortlessly in your favorite tote, evening purse or backpack, this cute screen-printed pouch is the perfect addition to your pleasure-chest essentials.($15 Value)