How to Be a Hot Mess

Whether you aspire to be a hot mess, or want to know what exactly a hot mess is so you'll never be called one, these guidelines will help.

Instructions

Step 1: Figure out your size Figure out what your ideal dress size is, then squeeze into clothes that are 2 sizes smaller than that.

Step 2: Dress carefully Wear your bottoms low and your tops high so you'll always have a muffin top, even if you're not overweight. Pair ripped pantyhose with hot pants and always wear shoes too high for you to walk in gracefully.

Step 3: Find a hairstyle Find a hairstyle befitting a hot mess. Choices include clip-on extensions that don't hide the clips very well, a fried perm, a mullet, a reverse mullet, or hair bumped up 3 inches at the crown.

TIP: To be a really hot mess, combine 2 or more of these hairstyles.

Step 4: Wear the right makeup Wear the right makeup: non-waterproof mascara, blue eye shadow, and lip liner darker than your lipstick. No need for foundation thanks to your tan: either lie in a tanning bed until your skin is the texture and color of well-done bacon, or pile on the fake stuff that turns you orange.