Chimp Chat

Want to befriend an ape? Learn to speak his language.

Apes seem like hairier versions of
ourselves—playful, inquisitive and quick to throw feces when angered.
For decades, we’ve been dressing them as bellhops, teaching them to ride
tricycles and making them hang out with Michael Jackson. Now, bonobos
have been given iPads that control a water cannon, equipping them for
their eventual takeover of Earth.

But while we’ve been
teaching them our language, it seems these crafty apes have been
speaking a secret language behind our backs the whole time. Now, we’re
learning their language. Andrew Halloran, a Florida-based primatologist,
explains what apes are discussing among themselves in his new book, The Song of the Ape.

WW: So everyone who has claimed to teach an ape English or sign language is lying?

Andrew Halloran: Well, I would put most
of the language-trained-ape projects into the self-deception category.
We create these lab-reared, talking super-apes and, no matter how
intelligent they are, or how well they are trained, they are never going
to be as good at being humans as humans are. Chimpanzees are good at
being chimpanzees.

So how do apes communicate with each other?

Vocally, chimpanzees learn calls from
their groups. If you were to encounter one group of chimps in the
forest, they would be utilizing a different lexicon of calls than the
next group you were to encounter. If you were to record these calls and
create a picture of the sounds, you would see incredibly complex
structures and patterns with each of these phrases carrying specific
meanings, which you could discern from the situations and contexts of
the calls.

So what the hell are they saying?

Well, each group is different, but I imagine most of it would be profane.

Bottom line: How do I get a chimp to be my friend? Will he bring me beers?

To be the best friend of an ape or
monkey, you would have to let them lead a natural life where they are
free to live as the species they are—in an ecosystem unobstructed by our
species. Oh, and your beers would almost certainly arrive empty.

GO: See Andrew Halloran read from and discuss his new book, The Song of the Ape: Understanding the Languages of Chimpanzees, at the Belmont Library, 1038 SE Cesar E. Chavez Blvd., 988-5382, on Saturday, April 14. 3 pm. Free.

Headout Picks

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 11

KASABIAN[MUSIC] Kasabian’s Velociraptor!
is that rare major release that makes us sentimental for the era of
major labels and major budgets: It’s a lovably bloated
loop-and-groove-oriented collection that reminds as much of bands like
Pop Will Eat Itself and Big Audio Dynamite as much as it does of the
Blur/Oasis heyday. Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell St. 8 pm. $17 advance, $20 day of show. 21+.

THURSDAY, APRIL 12

BRIDGETOWN COMEDY FESTIVAL[COMEDY] Portland’s nationally renowned
comedy festival is back, this time with more than 200 comedians in eight
venues during four days. Don’t know where to start? Tonight’s Best of
Boston showcase, featuring Shane Mauss and Dwayne Perkins, is as good a
place as any. Bagdad Theater, 3702 SE Hawthorne Blvd., bridgetowncomedy.com. 8 pm. $20. 21+.

STAR WARS: ATTACK OF THE AUTHORS[BOOKS AND BLASTERS] When two Star Wars fans fall in love and make their own little ones, they want to teach those nerdlings about the magic of the Star Wars universe. Here, young padawan will learn lessons from their collection of nonfiction Star Wars books. Powell’s at Cedar Crossing, 3415 SW Cedar Hills Blvd., 228-4651, 7 pm. Free.

TOM RUSSELL, RAMBLIN’ JACK ELLIOTT[MUSIC] The legendary Ramblin’ Jack
Elliott returns to the Alberta Rose after proving there last year he has
reached 80 without succumbing to any of the three A’s: arthritis,
Alzheimer’s or apathy. Alberta Rose Theatre, 3000 NE Alberta St. 8
pm. $30 advance, $35 day of show. All ages (minors must be accompanied
by a parent or guardian).