Michelle and Barack Obama left the kids on Martha’s Vineyard and flew to Black Rock City, Nevada to attend the Burning Man Festival. And why not? You can’t swim at Martha’s Vineyard, but you can think you’re swimming at Burning Man.

Burning Man is an annual art event and temporary community based on radical self-expression and self-reliance. It is held on an ancient lakebed in the Black Rock Desert of Nevada. There is a gigantic expansion of temporary structures, with more than 40,000 “burners-in-residence.” The biggest draw is the hundreds of strange activities going at any given moment. “It’s just like the White House,” said President Obama.

The event is described by many participants as an experiment in community, radical self-expression, and radical self-reliance, but the fact is there’s a lot of… sex and drugs. Michelle and Barack both intend on dropping acid and doing Special K. “People are saying that we’re not connected to the people. Well, this will prove everybody wrong. Now, can somebody please get me a bong!”

Art is an important part of the Burning Man experience, and Larry Harvey, founder of the Burning Man project, gives the festival a theme each year, as a way to encourage a common bond and to help make sure each individual’s contribution is put together in a meaningful way.

The theme this year is: Metropolis, the Life of the Cities.

The President has been working on his art for the festival: a balloon-animal sculpture and a seashell collage that he intends to display while belly dancing.

“You can’t sit on the sidelines here,” said one Burner. “You gotta dive in, participate.” That’s when President Obama and Michelle Obama took off their clothes and Irish step-danced to a group of twenty-somethings banging on waffle irons. “Best music I ever saw. Best music I ever saw.” Obama said.

President Obama spoke about the meaning of Burning Man, “I think I see a unicorn. It’s purple. It’s big. Oh, and look at the those flying doorknobs. Fly, doorknobs, fly!”

Michelle Obama was busy trying to plant broccoli in the desert. Several burners tried to tell the First Lady that you can’t plant broccoli in scorching hot sand, but Michelle scolded them, “You can if you have elves helping you. And I have a lot of elves and gnomes right here with me! Plus I’m using a magic hoe. So go!”

Secret Service agents were seen running naked through the desert chasing alpacas. Or maybe it was the other way around.

Harry Reid also attended Burning Man, trying to win over every single voter in Nevada – especially those on LSD, because as Reid said, “they are the ones that best understand my stump speech. But President Obama isn’t happy with Reid’s participation at Burning Man, “He’s drag, man. Dude doesn’t know how to get down in the desert, doesn’t know how to loosen up. I gave him some magic mushrooms. Maybe that’ll help.” Reid was last seen on top of an port-o-john licking a frog and screaming, “I’m king of the world!”