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Someone help, I CAN'T initiate love making.......

I get all choked up. We'll be lying in bed at night, & you know I'm totally in the mood, but i keep thinking "what if he rejects me" or "what if he isn't initiating becuase i turn him off" Sometimes i feel like he is LESS attracted to me than he used to be 3 years ago. We went from having sex daily, to once a week. And, i guess i need it more than that becuase i find myself SO horney during the day. I feel like a 18 year old boy who can't get any sometimes. But, i have this problem about initiating sex. I get anxious & eventually just go to bed. I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that i grew up in a home were talking about sex was un exceptable. I pretty much had to learn it all on my own. Anyway, SO has said he would love for me to be the aggressor, but how do i do that without feeling STUPID. I get so embarassed & nervous, that i just don't do it. I wish i had at least a little porn star in me sometimes...

Just take it one day at a time little by little you will start to have more confidence in yourself. And what do you mean it's age? I bet you anything you are way hotter then all those women. You still have a young body so instead of being insecure it should make you feel more confident. Don't stress so much over he is probably just waiting for you to make the 1st move. Maybe it's him that is starting to feel insecure about himself since he is getting older.

Answer by
Anonymous
at 4:47 PM on Mar. 25, 2009

You don't have to start with a big show...just nuzzle up to him and start kissing him....then go south! You can do it!

he's given you permission (some men don't like aggressive women) and you say you want to so this makes no sense. I grew up in the same type of home and had to learn sex on my own as well but I have no problem throwing my guy down on the bed and climbing up in the saddle and riding the wild stallion. I've been known to go up higher and straddle a face but that might be tmi. Just do it. It's really fun. Put on a xena princess warrior outfit and go for it! Woo Hoo!

i just showed my face on accident, how embarrasing...hope no one saw...

Anyway, I know it doesn't make sense. Its the anxiety, i convince myself that he is not intersted in having sex with me. Am i totally insecure or what? Could it be age? I'm 29 he's 40. But all my friends husbands are in ther 40's and their having sex ALL the time, so i doubt it's age. He has not seemed interested in having sex with me though, has not put out that vibe AT ALL, so that makes it harder on me. I really feel llike i am less attractive to him. Maybe i need to take a valium beforehand to reduce my anxiety.....

Answer by
Anonymous
at 4:39 PM on Mar. 25, 2009

I used to be like you a little shy. But don't worry he will always want it. Just put on something sexy and start talking to him but while you talk to him rub your feet on him or rub his chest then give him a kiss every now and then. Put his hands on you then while you kiss slowly climb on top of him. You don't have to go all out and just slam him on the bed and start talking dirty to him or anything like that. You are just flirting with him and slowly getting it on. Don't be shy there is nothing silly about that. Go for it good luck. The sexy porn star will come out of you eventually.

Answer by
Anonymous
at 4:42 PM on Mar. 25, 2009

OK, what do i do with it if it is limp??? i don't know what to do with a limp one.....it's usally already hard & if it's not i take that as 'he's just not turned on'. It seems weird to me to start going to town on a limp one....

Answer by
Anonymous
at 4:48 PM on Mar. 25, 2009

Kiss around it. The thighs the legs and such. Have you considered that maybe he is having problems getting it up and he is to shy to tell you. Maybe that's why he has been distant from you.

Answer by
Anonymous
at 4:54 PM on Mar. 25, 2009

Maybe it's him that is starting to feel insecure about himself since he is getting older.

Sheesh i never thought about that! Thankyou for pointing that out as a possibility. I have tried the snuggling thing & the kissing thing, but sometimes he doesn't respond to that. And he has said to me "i could tell you were in the mood last night, but i just wanted to go to bed" hearing those things makes me SO much more freaked out. What guy knows that his girl is horny, but chooses to sleep instead? Thanks for answering ladies! I really appreciate it!

Answer by
Anonymous
at 4:55 PM on Mar. 25, 2009

Look, some evening just doll up, man up and go for it. Pretend you're in a movie, preferably something realtively sexy and not Finding Nemo. Once you get started, it'll all be cool, trust me.