1. Place lemon zest and parmesan cheese into tmx bowl and grate for 10secs, speed 8. Set aside.

2. Top and tail garlic, then try to peel the little bastards. Cuss at them a few times. Throw the first clove in the tmx bowl then realise judging by the tanty that follows that the toddler wanted to put it in. Ensure the other cloves are given to the toddler after peeling so that he can put them in the bowl. Chop garlic for 5secs, speed 7. Give shallot stalks to toddler to put in the bowl. Turbo burst once to chop. Scrape down the sides, add butter and saute for 2mins @ 100*C, speed 1.

3. Go looking for phone because you’ve just realised that you haven’t told your friend that earlier this week you booked flights to see her and forgot to tell her. She now has less than a week’s notice, and you apologise scatter-brainedly to her answering machine while the tmx is beeping at you in the background. Add wine and stock to the tmx bowl and cook for 5mins @ 100*C, speed 1. Not sure if this was necessary, but thought the wine needed cooking at least?

4. With the leftover lemon, cut it in half and squeeze the juice into a big glass. Remember to put a sieve over the glass to catch all the pips next time. Add 2-3spoons of raw sugar and fill up with soda water and ice. Don’t get a chance to enjoy it before tmx is beeping at you again. Add pasta and tuna and cook for 10mins @ 100*C on Reverse + speed soft.

5. Sit down at computer with fizzy homemade lemonade only to have the toddler run up to you saying “Oh no! Poo!” and pointing to a poo on the loungeroom floor. The toddler is telling you it’s dog poo but it looks like toddler poo. Sigh. You hope it’s toddler poo and go to pick it up with toilet paper only to misjudge your scrunch and put your thumb on the poo. Great. Wash hands thoroughly. Finally sit down to enjoy your drink at the computer. Tmx beeps not long after. Add tasty cheese and cream and stir until cheese is melted. Add salt and black pepper. Realise that your old recipe used to include corn and celery in it but fuck it, it’s too late now.

6. Serve it up to your toddler who says yes he wants some, no he doesn’t want to sit in his high chair, yes he does want to sit in his high chair. Put toddler in chair and give him his bowl. Sit down to eat it and decide it turned out brilliantly and devour the whole bowl. Look over at the toddler who hasn’t touched his. Decide to share the recipe.

Optional: Pick up pasta that toddler breaks open. Have toddler burn his finger on the tmx bowl. Give him frozen beans to put on his finger only to have to pick up frozen beans from the floor. Stand on squishy partially defrosted beans that you missed.