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Dealing with the loss
of a pet is never easy. When dealing with euthanasia,
or sudden loss due to an emergency illness or injury, the decisions that
must be made and ultimate loss of the pet bring up a lot of conflicting
and difficult emotions. When children are involved, special considerations
must be made to help them understand what is going on and how to deal
with pet loss and grief. This article will address planning for euthanasia,
how to recognize signs of grief in children, and ways to start healing
after loss.

Mikey,
age 10, saying good-bye
to Gerri the gerbil.

Preparing for euthanasiaTo put it bluntly, euthanasia is "death by injection" for
a terminally ill, suffering animal. Many people euphemistically refer to
this as "putting an animal to sleep." The finality of death is
a difficult concept, especially for children under the age of 5 or so. Children
can be confused and even frightened by the term "putting to sleep"
if they see the lifeless pet after the euthanasia is performed.

When preparing for
an appointment to have a terminally ill pet euthanized, it is best to
speak
in honest terms, at an appropriate level of detail for the child's
age. Very small children need to know that this is final - the pet isn't
going to wake up or come back. To say that the pet "went away"
or is "in heaven" without offering any other details can also
confuse children. Older children need to know the reasons why this decision
is being made, and why it is humane for the suffering animal.

To be or not to be
present at the actual euthanasia is a question many adults grapple with.
This is a personal decision, and one that should be discussed with your
veterinarian. When children are involved, some veterinarians, such as
Dr. Evelyn Wilson, DVM ABVP, do not allow children under the age of 5
to be present for the actual euthanasia. Dr. Wilson feels that the very
young children have a hard enough time understanding the concept of death
and that witnessing the event does not make it easier to understand or
cope. She notes that even kids up to the teenager years can have a difficult
time understanding the reasons why and the emotions involved with the
act of euthanasia.

It is important to
realize that when the humans (adults and children) are upset, the pet
is, too. While difficult, it is important that the humans try to lend
support and comfort to their animal friend in this last time of need.
Seeing their humans upset may upset the pet, too.

Sudden death or
finding a pet dead
For situations where the animal is fatally injured or is found dead from
unknown causes, children need to be assured that the animal is no longer
in pain. The shock can be more emotional than a "prepared for"
death. If veterinary care was attempted, the child should be reminded
that sometimes pets don't survive, despite best attempts to save them.

Signs of grief
in children - warning signsChildren may take longer to grieve and "get over" the loss
than adults. A short time of depression, acting out, or gloominess can
be expected, and should go away. Longer periods or abnormal activity following
loss should be addressed by the parent, a counselor or minister, or a
grief/loss
support resource. Warning signs of severe or prolonged grief will
vary significantly with the variables of child's age, relationship with
the pet, emotional maturity, circumstances involved with the death, and
so on, but here on some general guidelines for recognizing grief in children:

not interested
in usual activities, withdrawing from friends and family

eating considerably
less than usual

reverting to pre-potty
training or bed wetting

afraid of being
alone or going to sleep, nightmares

preoccupied with
thoughts of death

Talking about the
death with the child is a good first step. For more assistance and guidance,
know that there are many grief
and loss support resources and hotlines, many of them free of charge,
available online and in the phone book.

Moving forward
- time to heal

Remembering
the deceased petIt is important never to belittle or ignore the child's relationship
with the deceased pet. To say that it was "just a goldfish, and
we can get a new one tomorrow" does not address the child's grief
or teach the child the importance of the human-animal
bond. Children often have imaginary friends that warrant
conversations and emotions - pets are real - they warrant true feelings
and emotions too! It does not matter how small or "insignificant"
the pet may seem to adults.

Closure
Having a burial, memorial, or similar ceremony helps to reinforce the
importance of the pet's life and mark the death event. Children should
be allowed to participate in whatever way is appropriate - helping mark
the grave site, decorate the urn of ashes, or draw pictures of happy
times together with the pet - whatever activity fits with the closure
ceremony and allows the child to say good-bye in their own way.

Getting a new
pet
This is a very personal choice. Children should not be rushed into getting
another pet to help them "get over" the deceased pet. One
pet does not replace another, and getting a new pet
too soon may only cause the child to resent (even mistreat) the new
pet. Only once the child can speak openly about the deceased pet
and shows interest in a new pet should the subject of a new pet be discussed.