"Toshiyas" should be, "Toshiya's", because "Toshiyas" indicates on many
Toshiyas, while "Toshiya's" means something that is Toshiya's, like
"toshiya's smile", "toshiya's cup of coffee", etc., if you understand
what I mean. In turn, Toshiyas', with the mark -after- the 's', means

. † Suck KitKat † . sock sock . 286 ! . Destructive Reconstructive . sanoo:
but then again, my grammar sucks, so don't take me too seriously. X3;;
And I apologize if I said something in a way that's confusing, as that
could be misinterpreted, which wouldn't be so nice. ^_^''

. † Suck KitKat † . sock sock . 286 ! . Destructive Reconstructive . sanoo:
I thought it was quite good, actually. Moving too fast? I'd not say
that, no. It depends on what has been going on -before- the story
starts, however. I think the reason someone'd say that is probably
because they don't think about earlier chances to interaction between
the members. All you've done is to start the story immediately at the
point where it gets interesting, and there's nothing wrong

. † Suck KitKat † . sock sock . 286 ! . Destructive Reconstructive . sanoo:
The storyline, I can't comment on so much at the moment, but it seems
like a good story that doesn't require the reader to be an expert at
remembering the things happening before, which is good relaxation.

. † Suck KitKat † . sock sock . 286 ! . Destructive Reconstructive . sanoo:
There's no point in the story where I was bothered by anything, as far
as I remember, except at one time when I thought the sentences were...
"chunky", in lack of better way to put it, but that is probably just me,
because I usually am very sensitive about things like that when I read.

. † Suck KitKat † . sock sock . 286 ! . Destructive Reconstructive . sanoo:
Overall, there's nothing particulary wrong with your English. In fact,
I'd say it's quite good considering how little you have written in
English so far. I think that with a little bit more time and with more
opportunities to use the English language, you could become very good.

. † Suck KitKat † . sock sock . 286 ! . Destructive Reconstructive . sanoo:
Your active vocabulary is good, and since I know you probably have a
higher passive vocabulary, I hope you can learn to use that part of your
knowledge about the English language, too.

. † Suck KitKat † . sock sock . 286 ! . Destructive Reconstructive . sanoo:
About Shinya, Toshiya and etc., I can't say much. I don't know so much
about their personalities, since I only listen to Diru's music but do
not take interest in the members as much as I'd like to. But I think you
gave them all a very believeable personality, so I'm not complaining,
just cheering.