When it comes to what you have to live on, all we’ve really heard about so far are loans and overdrafts (which you have to pay back), parental contributions (which they may not be willing or able to give), money from paid work (which you have to earn) and various grants such as bursaries and scholarships (which not all students will get).

Frankly, it’s a pretty pathetic whip-round. Like the collection plate in a prison chapel, there’ll be less at the end than when you started.

So where else does the debt-driven student turn?

Here are a few suggestions. Unfortunately, most of them are either only for the heroically hard-up or come with a day-glo health warning.

There’s a whole ocean of sharks out there and not all of them have fins. Whenever you borrow money, know the terms and conditions.

Know when the lender wants it back and how much interest they’ll be charging in the meantime. That applies whoever the lender is – your bank, the Student Loans Company, but especially any service not specifically designed for students and/or not recommended by your students’ union - if in doubt, ask the welfare department.

And it's best to steer clear of the men in suits with violin cases. They're probably not a friendly quartet sidelining in friendly loans.

Interest rates

The interest is the amount of extra money you have to pay back to your lender. So, less is more when it comes to borrowing. Look for the lowest interest rate possible.

Bear in mind that interest rates are almost always ‘compound’. In other words, 10% a year on £1,000 may mean ‘only’ £100 in the first year, but it won’t mean £300 after three years. In the second year, there’ll be interest on the first year’s interest and in the third year, interest on the other two year's interest, making £1,331 you have to pay back.

And that’s if the interest is calculated annually. It may well be more often than that. If 10% annual interest is added monthly, for instance, you’d be looking at more like £1,348.18 after three years. If it’s added daily, it’ll be even higher.

Lenders use terms like APR and AER, which are ways of describing how much the interest will be over a year. These are the figures to look out for. Get the banks or providers to spell out the interest for you rather than dazzle/confuse you with their spangly bank phrases. Understand what it means in real terms to you, or suddenly a great-looking deal of 5% a month may mean you’re paying over 85% a year.

A pack of cards – credit, charge and store cards

We’re back on vaguely respectable ground here - but unless you’re careful and responsible, the dangers are still as big as a razor in your ice cream.

If used frugally, cards do have their plus points. They’re convenient (especially over the phone or ’net) and, if you only spend what you can afford and always pay off what you owe on time, then you can actually use them as a way of keeping money in your account for as long as possible.

They’re also very easy to use and for this reason alone should be treated with caution – the more accessible the credit, the faster the debts will snowball.

Superdebts

People who end up on super-sneerer Jeremy Kyle's show with debts the size of telephone numbers usually managed it with the help of plastic - and with credit and store cards in particular.

Having more than one card which gives you any kind of credit (as opposed to your bank debit card which transfers money straight out of your account) is like juggling sharp knives coated in oil, not least because some people are tempted to try the impossible and pay off one debt by putting it on another credit card. There’s consolidation and then there’s just plain stupidity.

Naughtiness

‘Kiting’ is when someone reports their card as stolen and then in the short period of time between the report and the official recording of the incident (after which the card is barred so that shops won’t accept it), they go on a spending frenzy. They foolishly hope they won't be held accountable for the purchases and it will all go away, leaving them with new threads and no debt.

The banks and credit companies have wised up to this practice and there are way too many in-store cameras these days, so don’t even think about it. Aside from weighing up the liklihood of you getting caught, you shouldn't do it because it's stealing and unfair on the rest of the folk who go about buying things with their own money. Phew, Push got a bit red-faced and self-righteous there.

Kiting, and indeed any kind of credit card fraud, is a serious criminal offence that can lead to a massive fine and black-listing at best, prosecution and jail at worst. To cap it all, it’ll probably get you kicked out of university.

Specialist credit and loan companies

Be particularly wary of taking out a loan or borrowing money from any organisation that isn’t specifically geared towards students. They might be as kosher as bagels and chicken soup, but that doesn’t mean that their deal will be right for the peculiar circumstances of being a student. It’s usually not a good idea, so avoid it like a post-pub snog with Mr/Ms beer breath and kebab sweats.

The interest rates are often high and you usually need to start repaying long before your fledgling salary has enough strength to do so. The terms of these loans are rarely such that many students could deal with them.

Fortunately, because students usually can’t pay back within the terms of the loan, these companies often don’t want to lend to them anyway. It’s not worth it to them to charge you interest you can’t pay. That’s not how they make money. The best they’ll be able to do is send round the bailiffs to take your stereo, your iPhone and your books (which probably won’t cover the cost of the bailiffs).

They’re only interested in people with a steady income to pay back what they borrow, or people who can guarantee the loan with something worth taking if they need to. If they’re not bothered about such things – be afraid, be very afraid. Unsecured loans are costly as caviar and as risky as playing knock down ginger on a bee nest.

Even those companies that are prepared to lend to students won’t offer as good a deal as the Student Loans Company and won’t offer such a convenient repayment package. And if they claim to, be very suspicious – there can’t be anything in it for them. It’s only worthwhile to the SLC because the Government pays them.

Short-term emergency Loans

If you aren’t eligible for the Access to Learning Fund, or if you’ve already got it and still can't see your shoes for the dog doo they're standing in, you may need a quick-fix solution.

Don’t be tempted to turn to loan sharks and independent brokers. It’s a rocky road (the type with flint that really slices your feet open, as opposed to the type that comes in a bowl with sprinkles) to oblivion for anyone. And students especially shouldn’t even contemplate going there.

Go to your student welfare department and get advice. It probably won’t come to it, but even if you have to drop out of university, it’s better than working the rest of your life to pay sums some shark dreamed up when thinking about the population of China.

BORROWING FROM FRIENDS

As a rule? Don’t do it. Ever.

Even if your friend happens to be one of those lucky bastards who takes out a student loan just so they can stick it in a high-interest account and reap the rewards of picking up the interest.

Even if your friend has recently won the lottery, lives in a castle in Hampshire, drives a Ferrari and shops in Harvey Nichols because the student discount shops are so frightfully common.

Even if your friend is a friend of royalty – in fact, even if they are royalty, don’t borrow from them. Just don’t.

Unless – and this is just about the only exception – you really don’t want them to be your friend any more. Because they won’t be.

Every day that you’re not paying them back, they’ll be wondering whether you ever will. You'll hear tutting every time you spend a penny (in a literal sense) on something other than repaying them. They’ll be wondering whether you think they’re a stupid sap that you’ve managed to take for a ride, wondering whether you’re really that selfish, wondering whether you’re sleeping with their boyfriend/girlfriend too and wondering – no, not wondering, telling people - that it’s you who never washes up, who always leaves the milk out to go sour and always finishes the toilet roll without ever replacing it.

By then, paying them back won’t make any difference.

There may well be times when friends will offer to help out. That’s what friends are for. Sometimes, you will have little choice but to accept, such as when you find yourself short of a bus fare at the end of the night or your housemate has done the shopping and you owe them for milk, bread and toilet roll but you can’t get any money till next week.

Situations like these are okay because (a) they're short term (the shorter the better – it starts to get dangerous after a few hours, literally), (b) they’re only bunging you a few quid (the fewer the better) and (c) you’d do the same if the roles were reversed.

That’s the crunch factor. Ask yourself if you’d do the same if the roles were reversed. If you’re in any doubt, forget it and put the shopping back on the shelves, whatever it takes.

The other possible exception is when your friend can afford it easily and is not a student. (Although they must understand that you will continue to be poor for at least as long as you remain one yourself.)

Even then, proceed with extreme caution and follow the four cardinal rules of borrowing from friends:

Make sure that both of you know exactly where you stand and that you make no promises or guarantees that you're either unable or don’t fully intend to keep.

Write an IOU. Ultimately, it will count for nothing other than reassurance that that you’re as good as your word. The ritual return of an IOU (if carried out within sufficiently short time) symbolises the return of the relationship to a status quo.

Always repay your debt fully, promptly and in accordance with your original promise. Oh and when you do, it doesn’t hurt to buy a small gift. A drink will do, just something to show you appreciate your debt was more than just the money.

Never ask to borrow money from a friend, and don’t be too ready to accept it if it’s offered. (And don’t insult their intelligence by dropping hints, either.)

These rules are good even after graduation, but while you’re a student you should revere them so highly that they make the Ten Commandments look like instructions on a Pot Noodle.

Parents are one thing – they produced you and may even be impressed by your promises, however insincere, to pay them back - but being in debt to a friend is something altogether more horrid to contemplate. It can break up friendships previously thought to be stronger than Kryptonite. That even includes boyfriends and girlfriends. People who you think you know well have strange and hidden feelings about money (especially if they haven’t got much).

Likewise, if you’re not prepared to borrow from a friend, don’t lend to one either. Even if you trust your mate 100%, there's a good chance that you won’t see the money again for a long time, if ever. It’s better to just give them money, rather than lend it. And don’t get your hopes up that they might give you some in return one day.

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BARREL-SCRAPING IDEASIf student loans, grants, parental handouts and help from the banks still doesn't leave you with enough - or you just fancy a few extra quid, Push has got its hands dirty and its nails broken scraping the money-making barrel for you.

Selling and pawning stuff

Some students, in their blind desperation, will take their most prized possession – PS3, an electric guitar, a signed photo of the queen – down to the pawn shop and get as much as they possibly can for it.

The pawn shop is a bit like a date playing the hard to get - they appear to want nothing to do with your offerings, but then promptly take them. They usually pay a knocked down price and promise not to sell your tat for a while, so if the student returns within that time and pays back the money (plus a handsome interest, of course), they can have their goods back. If not, they have to run the risk that the pawnbroker will sell it to someone else first.

Then there are other students, bless their hearts, who put an ad in the local paper or the local newsagent offering anything they own that might be worth a few quid.

These are desperate tactics and they should never be necessary. If you’re starting to see some of your precious ‘luxury’ items as a way of paying next month’s rent or the watch your gran gave you for your 18th birthday begins to resemble a good square meal in your head, then you should get down to the bank or the students’ union welfare department and discuss less drastic measures.

You should not have to give up the personal things you value just so you can afford to live. Even if you think you’ll be able to buy them back eventually, it’s not the answer to even the most urgent situation.

Other sources will lend you money more cheaply and without expecting you to give up your belongings before you’re even supposed to repay the debt, let alone before you’ve failed to do so.

Of course, if you have an old pile of textbooks you don’t need, a CD collection you no longer listen to, an unwanted Christmas pressie from Auntie Edna or any old junk you think you could flog, there are ways of swapping genuinely unwanted stuff for much more useful stuff – cash, for instance.

Stick up posters around your department to flog old textbooks you don't need anymore - this will affect how you treat them when you use them - ie, don't scribble on them, or use them as a coaster for your coffee cup. Your SU may even have a secondhand bookshop that'll flog them for you (usually for a percentage of the selling price).

www.amazon.co.uk lets you sell unwanted books, CDs and DVDs and the like to other buyers for a small fee, or you may be able to make a pretty penny by auctioning just about anything you can think of on www.ebay.co.uk or www.studentswapshop.co.uk (but apparently they won’t let you sell human organs).

Some parents are in a strong enough financial position to guarantee a mortgage and, by owning property, not only does the student get the ultimate in independent living for themselves, but they get to lord it over a few other students/housemates and do the landlord thing.

The combined rent each month could even wipe wannabe landlord's own contribution to the mortgage altogether. If they’re really lucky, the property’s value will go up (give it a good few years though) and they can move out when they sell it, clearing their student debts with the tidy profit.

Sounds great, eh?

Unfortunately, it’s full of pitfalls. Even the process of buying a property (rather than the property price itself) can cost more than a year’s rent and it’s a sackful of hassle too. Then there’s finding the readies for furniture. Also, once you own property, you can’t complain to the landlord when the boiler blows up or the roof collapses. You would have to sort it out and as a fresh-faced 18-year old this could be a bit of a stretch.

Meanwhile, although being a live-in landlord isn’t as bad as just being in it for the money, there’s a bundle of red tape over contracts and safety and all the rest.

Finally, without getting into yawnerama property-sales-speak, buying a house at the moment is a case of 'if necessary' rather than 'why not'. Strictly for the wealthy or risk-junkies.

ID parades

Once upon a time, students used to get paid for a brush with the underworld - without actually doing anything illegal.

Well, it was only the odd £10-20, but all the willing volunteer had to do was stand in an ID line-up to see if a witness could pick out their man – or woman – from a handful of people who looked similar. Volunteers even got paid extra if they had to put makeup on. Best of all was when the suspect didn't turn up and you got paid for doing nothing and then asked to come back another time - to get paid all over again.

The worst that could happen was you thought you'd make a quick bit of dosh, only to be called into a parade that lasted ages, so you missed your seminar, handing in an essay, or giving a presentaion. Oops. Or the acne-fied suspect and lawyer decided you looked pretty darned similar and could stand in the lineup with them. Red-faced shame.

Now, however, it’s got all techie and ID parades are normally done with video images. Contact your local police force to see if they still do old skool lineups or to get your mug on camera and receive a one-off payment (probably a tenner or so) for getting your mug on camera.

Body parts, etc.

Best to avoid...For years, many impoverished male students were happy to drop their finest deposits off at sperm banks and pick up a cheque for the efforts, before sailing off into the student union to laugh and joke about the fact that there could soon be hundreds of their mini-mes across the country.

Students can still drop off their goods but they'll only get expenses, as it's now illegal to receive money for this erm, service. It's also now the law that offspring of sperm donors will be able to trace their parents when they turn 18. So if the prospect of someone turning up twenty years down the line and claiming to be your son or daughter fills you with dread, it’s probably best to give this one a miss. It's not a funny little thing to do, it's something to consider carefully. Never to be done for the free lunch or tea and biscuits at the clinic.

Female students aren’t allowed to sell eggs either (although they can donate them) and while you can act as a surrogate mother, you’re only allowed to claim reasonable expenses for doing so. Morningsickness, swollen ankles and a bump the size of Wales probably aren't ideal things to contend with while studying.

More realistically, students might be tempted to take part in medical experiments, which is also not something to volunteer for unless you’re very clear about the risks you face. While researchers conducting any such experiments are obliged to inform you of any known or likely risks, their enthusiasm, and indeed the fact that the experiments need to be done at all, mean that you shouldn’t have too much faith.

You should have your own independent understanding of exactly what’s involved and weigh up the risks on the basis of whether you would do it if it were for free. No money should make it worth it if you don’t feel safe. Medical experiments usually involve testing treatment procedures and new drugs. The dangers should be obvious.

What you can do...Not all research is so risky. Lots of research projects, particularly in psychology, involve nothing more hazardous to volunteers than filling in questionnaires and doing aptitude tests.

Twins, particularly monozygotic twins – that’s identical to you and me – are especially in demand. But you can only do it if you can persuade your him/her to volunteer too.

Again the money’s not big bucks, but if it’s advancing human understanding, why not? If your university has a psychology department, go and offer your services. The worst that can happen is they laugh at your suggestion and psychologically scar you forever.​