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Real Programmers don't write in COBOL. COBOL is for COmmon Business-Oriented
Laymen who can't run a business, much less write a real program.
Real Programmers don't write in FORTRAN. FORTRAN is for wimp engineers who
wear white socks. They get excited over finite state analysis and nuclear
reactor simulation.

Real Programmers don't write in PL/1. PL/1 is for insecure anal-retentives
who can't choose between COBOL and FORTRAN.

Real Programmers don't write in PASCAL, BLISS, ADA, or any of those other
sissy computer science languages. Strong typing is the crutch for people
with weak minds.

Real Programmers' programs never work right the first time. But if you throw
them on the machine they can be patched into working order in "only a few"
30-hour debugging sessions.

Real Programmers never work 9 to 5. If any Real Programmers are around at
9:00 am, its because they were up all night.

Real Programmers don't play tennis, or any other sport which requires a change
of clothes. Mountain Climbing is acceptable. Real Programmers wear climbing
boots to work in case a mountain should suddenly spring up in the middle
of the machine room.

Real Programmers disdain structured programming. Structured programming is
for compulsive neurotics who were permanently toilet trained. They wear neckties
and carefully line up sharp pencils on an otherwise clear desk.

Real Programmers don't like the team programming concept. Unless, of course
they are the chief programmer.