March 30, 2007

Mecha-Michael Jackson to Terrorize Desert

Michael Jackson is in discussions about creating a 50-foot robotic replica of himself to roam the Las Vegas desert, according to reports.

The pop legend is currently understood to be living in the city, as he considers making a comeback after 2004's turbulent child sex case. It has now been claimed that his plans include an elaborate show in Vegas, which would feature the giant Jacko striding around the desert, firing laser beams.

If built, the metal monster would apparently be visible to aircraft as they come in to land in the casino capital. It is the centerpiece of an elaborate Jackson-inspired show in Vegas, according to Andre Van Pier, the robot's designer.

On the subject of the robot, he continued: "It would be in the desert sands. Laser beams would shoot out of it so it would be the first thing people flying in would see." (LINK )

Texas Senator Proposes "Protecting" Students from Free Speech

Sen. Jeff Wentworth, R-San Antonio, has introduced SCR 3, which will be heard today at the Senate committee on Higher Education, and is part of Horowitz's politically motivated attack on universities.

Horowitz is trying to convince the public that there is a crisis of political bias in college classrooms - one that needs to be solved by stifling the free exchange of ideas, which is so critical to higher education. His campaign is premised on the idea that students need to be protected from professors and the ideas they share in the classroom. He thinks we need so much protection and that professors shouldn't be able to introduce controversial material, discuss new ideas or propose theories that extend beyond the mainstream.(Read More)

Comedian Eddie Griffin Wrecks $1.5M Ferrari

The 38-year-old actor-comedian was practicing Monday for a charity race to promote his upcoming film, "Redline," when he drove too fast around a curve at the Irwindale Speedway. Video footage shows the red sports car screeching before it ricocheted off the barrier with heavy damage to its front.

"Undercover Brother's good at karate and all the rest of that, but the Brother can't drive," said Griffin, referring to his 2002 movie, after the accident. The film's publicist, Wendy Zocks, said "He walked away completely unscratched, but probably a little shaken," Zocks said.

The Enzo is owned by "Redline" executive producer Daniel Sadek, whose exotic car collection is featured in the movie. Sadek said the Enzo was damaged beyond repair.

"I'm glad Eddie came out of the crash OK, but my dream car got destroyed," Sadek said. "I went to my trailer for about 15 minutes and I thought,`There's people dying every day. A lot of worse things are happening in the world.'"(LINK + VIDEO)

Pupil Punished for Piratical Pastafarianism

A student has been suspended from school in America for coming to class dressed as a pirate.

But the disciplinary action has provoked controversy - because the student says that the ban violates his rights, as the pirate costume is part of his religion. Bryan Killian says that he follows the Pastafarian religion, and that as a crucial part of his faith, he must wear 'full pirate regalia' as prescribed in the holy texts of "Pastafarianism". The school, however, say that his pirate garb was disruptive.

Pastafarians follow the Flying Spaghetti Monster (pictured), and believe that the world was created by the touch of his noodly appendage. Furthermore, they acknowledge pirates as being 'absolute divine beings', and stress that the worldwide decline in the number of pirates has directly led to global warming.

Pastafarianism gained wide attention when its key prophet, Bobby Henderson, wrote to the Kansas School Board during the height of the controversy over 'Intelligent Design' being taught in science classes. His letter, also published on his website, demanded equal time be given to the teachings of the Flying Spaghetti Monster as was given to ID and evolutionary theory.

Since then, the Flying Spaghetti Monster (or FSM) has gained countless followers worldwide, although there are those who remain "spagnostic".

The school, in North Buncombe, North Carolina, remains adamant that their decision to suspend Killian for a day has nothing to do with his religion, and quite a lot to do with his repeated refusal to heed warnings against wearing pirate outfits.(LINK )

March 29, 2007

Melissa and I have been wanting to get some work done on our house and yard for a while now. We figured now is a good time, so we've made this week a HUGE Spring Cleaning event. There's only one problem: The reason the house and yard are in their current dilapidated condition... is because we can't properly maintain them ourselves. Bit of a connundrum, that.

Enter the Mother-In-Law.

Melissa's parents (Ron & Brenda) are two of the most eager busybodies I have ever met. They LOVE to have a project. They are like sharks: They will die if the sit still. Out of boredom one afternoon, Ron declared that the porch railing looked a bit loose. After a cursory glance, he proceeded to kick the railing until it separated from the base of the porch. "Yep, it was loose," he reported to me with a smile. Sometimes they break things... just so they can fix them again.

With Melissa still having some difficulty with physical activity, her mom offered her help and came over yesterday. First thing out of her trunk: Two new toilet seats. "Yours are discolored," she explained, and proceeded to install them. Now I know that it happens over time, figuring what we DO on toilet seats, but I still feel so sheepish to know that it moved my Mother-In-Law to purchase and install replacements, just for her own sake.

Now I was working (from home), so I couldn't help out much. Brenda was racing around the house with an allergen mask on, and Melissa was shredding papers in our desk like we were ENRON and the Feds were knocking at the door. This was fine, but it suddenly got quiet. And as a parent, or someone with busybody relatives will tell you, Quiet is never a good sign.

I look outside and she has pruned our holly bush right down to the stump. On top of that, she was nowhere in sight. I tracked her down in th sideyard, where she was similarly decimating the crepe myrtle tree that overstepped its bounds.

"Brenda? Why did you destroy the bushes? We were planning on taking it out in a few months, but why today?""There were a bunch of hornets and bees in it, and I needed to get to the hose."

She reasoned like a man. Give a man a tool, and he'll find all kinds of stupid rationalizations for over-using that tool. Especially trimmers, pneumatic drills and chainsaws

"Wouldn't you be risking MORE stings by reaching into the bush and cutting it into bits, rather than just reaching behind it to turn on the hose?""Naah, I just did it quick. Those bushes needed to come out anyway. We'll dig those roots out and I'll get some smaller bushes from Home Depot, look real nice."

At that point, I changed into some work clothes and helped her out a bit. With the Flex-Time at work, this kept me at my work PC until much later, but I couldn't, AS A MAN, stand to see this tiny woman working in my yard and cleaning out my garage all by herself. Of course, being the man that I AM, I wasn't able to help out very much, save to pack up the car and drive a load of garbage, scrap wood and burned-out computer monitors to the landfill.

She left us before dinnertime, and we took stock of the situation: The Garage was cleaned out, swept and hosed down. Half of our shrubs were chopped up into tiny pieces and placed into trash bags. Our bathrooms were spotless, with pristene, new white plastic seats on them. Thanks to Melissa, 2 large bags of shredded paperwork was off to the dump and off our desk. It looks REALLY good in here now.

And what was I able to contribute to this herculean effort? I took out the trash. After they cleaned everything up and put it all into bags for me. Roughly the same amount of "help" that my 5 year-old gives me by carrying the mail into the house when I have ten bags of groceries in my arms. And to think that all of this was done by two women who aren't in the best of health.

My balls will be on display in a mason jar on the mantle until I can earn them back. I plan on renting a chainsaw from Home Depot next week and deal with some of those fallen trees in the backyard.

March 23, 2007

Corpses Fly First Class

Every wonder what happens to the 10 people a year who die mid-flight? Well, if you're flying British Airways you get the final upgrade. Corpses fly first class.

Paul Trinder, who awoke to see the body at the end of his row, last week described the journey as "deeply disturbing", and complained that the airline dismissed his concerns by telling him to "get over it".

"It was a complete mess -- they seemed to have no proper plans in place to deal with the situation," said Trinder, 54, a businessman from Brackley, Northamptonshire.

The woman died during a nine-hour flight on a Boeing 747. Trinder was catching up on sleep when he was woken by a commotion and opened his eyes to see staff maneuvering the body into a seat.

"I didn't have a clue what was going on. The stewards just plonked the body down without saying a thing. I remember looking at this frail, sparrow-like woman and thinking she was very ill," said Trinder. "She kept slipping under the seatbelt and moving about with the motion of the plane. When I asked what was going on I was shocked to hear she was dead."

British Airways responds: BA said the dead woman was taken into first class because the rest of the plane was full. A spokesman said: "When a customer passes away on board it is always difficult and we apologise for any distress caused."

He said there were about 10 deaths each year out of 36m passengers.

Other carriers use different procedures. Singapore Airlines has introduced "corpse cupboards" on its Airbus 340-500 aircraft. Cabin crews use the locker if there is no empty row of seats to place a corpse.(LINK )

Chinese Decry Lack of Bribes from Candidates

BEIJING (Reuters) - Villagers in southeastern China are up in arms after missing out on lucrative bribes during a recent village elections when candidates foreswore the practice at a temple, according to a Communist Party monthly magazine.

Officials up for election in Dingmei village in Fujian province had to swear to the party they would not bribe voters, but they went one further and took the same oath at a village temple, magazine Xiao Kang said in its March issue.

But this did not go down well with villagers, said the magazine, run by the party's ideological journal Qiu Shi, which means "Seeking Truth."

"You can earn lots of money if you're elected village boss, so what's so bad about dishing some of it out?" complained one old man, whose surname was given as Chen. "But this election, they went to the temple and all we got was a bowl of rice and bottle of beer after all was said and done," he said. "It's peanuts."

The magazine said villagers were used to getting up to 1,000 yuan ($130) from candidates.

"The villagers aren't happy at an election without bribery," an old woman was quoted as saying in the article, headlined "In combating election bribery, the law is no match for praying to the gods."(LINK )

Would-Be Robber Leaves Credit Card

BERLIN (Reuters) - A hapless German thief snapped his credit card in two while prying open a lock, inadvertently leaving behind his name and account details for police.

"He tried to copy what he'd seen them do on television, but the flat-owner woke up and the criminal ran away," a police spokesman said Wednesday. "The victim called up and read us the details off the card."

"When we got round to the burglars house, the other half of his credit card was sitting on his kitchen table."

The 29-year-old burglar was trying to open the door to his neighbor's apartment in Moenchengladbach in western Germany, police said.(LINK )

Surprise Ingredient in Chicken McNuggets

Most folks assume that a chicken nugget is just a piece of fried chicken, right? Wrong! Did you know, for example, that a McDonald’s Chicken McNugget is 56% corn?

According to the handout, McNuggets also contain several completely synthetic ingredients, quasiedible substances that ultimately come not from a corn or soybean field but form a petroleum refinery or chemical plant. These chemicals are what make modern processed food possible, by keeping the organic materials in them from going bad or looking strange after months in the freezer or on the road. Listed first are the "leavening agents": sodium aluminum phosphate, mono-calcium phosphate, sodium acid pyrophosphate, and calcium lactate. These are antioxidants added to keep the various animal and vegetable fats involved in a nugget from turning rancid.

But perhaps the most alarming ingredient in a Chicken McNugget is tertiary butylhydroquinone, or TBHQ, an antioxidant derived from petroleum that is either sprayed directly on the nugget or the inside of the box it comes in to "help preserve freshness." According to A Consumer's Dictionary of Food Additives, TBHQ is a form of butane (i.e. lighter fluid) the FDA allows processors to use sparingly in our food: It can comprise no more than 0.02 percent of the oil in a nugget. Which is probably just as well, considering that ingesting a single gram of TBHQ can cause "nausea, vomiting, ringing in the ears, delirium, a sense of suffocation, and collapse." Ingesting five grams of TBHQ can kill.

“I’m an obsessed geek,” said Marie Miesel, a nurse from Nashville and a presenter at Dragon*Con, perhaps the nation’s largest convention for fantasy fans, held in Atlanta annually on Labor Day weekend. “My parents brought me to science fiction conventions when I was 7.” She will be leading a seminar on Sept. 2, “The Silmarillion for Dummies.”

The four-day convention isn’t just about Tolkien, but its Tolkien Track will be a cluster of lectures, game demonstrations, films and panel discussions on topics from “Customizing Your Action Figures” to “Misconceptions of Copyright Law for the Creator of Fan Works.” A party called An Evening in Bree (Bree is a village in Middle-earth) will include folk dancing, a trivia contest and a band singing Tolkien-themed lyrics. On Saturday morning, hundreds of costumed Tolkien fans will march through downtown Atlanta — bearded wizards and snarling orcs — mingling with Klingons (“Star Trek”) and Imperial Guardsmen (“Star Wars”) from other fantasy-loving groups.

March 21, 2007

Weird dream last night. I was riding this wooden rollercoaster over a large body of water at night, with very little light on the tracks. A bunch of people were on this with me, and it was configured like some public transportation of some sort, and not an amusement ride.

Then the track came out of a turn WAY too hot, with no banking, and the cars jumped the track and went flying into the black water. People were injured, and we had to set up camp on the wooden track hills. After a while, we decided to send a party ahead to scout out some food and medical supplies. It felt like LOST except instead of land, we were walking on a 10' wide wooden roller coaster track.

After that, the cat woke me up with an under-the-bed fly-by through our room at MACH 3.

March 16, 2007

Alleged Unicorn Causes Crash

BILLINGS, Mont. - A man told police not to blame him for crashing his truck into a light post - it was that unicorn behind the wheel. Prosecutor Ingrid Rosenquist said Phillip C. Holliday Jr. initially denied driving the truck involved in the March 7 crash in Billings. He told officers at the scene that a unicorn was driving, she said.

A pickup truck drove through a red light and nearly struck another truck in the intersection, according to court documents. The driver then made an erratic U-turn through a gas station, crossed the street and crashed into a light pole. Nobody was injured.

Holliday has five drunken-driving convictions. District Judge Gregory Todd kept his bail at $100,000 despite his lawyer arguing that Holliday's last such conviction was 14 years ago. (LINK )

Parent of the Year Candidate Stashes Drugs in Kid's Jacket

Dennis Riker, 41, raised suspicions Monday morning when he stopped by his daughter's school in Hillside, saying he had left his keys in her jacket.

But the staff at the A.P. Morris School would not let him in because Riker was not the girl's legal guardian. That role belonged to the girl's grandmother.

Police said Riker, unbeknownst to the school, called the woman to ask her to come to the school. Meanwhile, school officials called her, too, but believed someone else answered and impersonated the woman. And then, the actual grandmother arrived, saying she wanted the girl's jacket.

It was all so strange that principal Tracey Wolff called police to the school. An officer checked the coat and found 25 vials of cocaine and a half-ounce rock of crack in the pocket inside.

Riker was charged with drug possession with intent to distribute and possessing drugs within 1,000 feet of a school. He was being held in municipal jail on $40,000 bail.(LINK )

Drunken, Smoking Baby Dropped Off

Drunken German Heinrich Mueller, 28, has been arrested after climbing into one of the emergency post boxes for unwanted babies.

As Mueller slid down the chute he ended up in an emergency incubator, triggering alarms among medical staff that another unwanted baby had been deposited.

But instead of a newborn they found Mueller, who had started smoking a cigarette - then fell asleep as staff worked out how to get him out of the incubator at the hospital in Dortmund, Germany.

Hundreds of babies have been deposited in the boxes, set up across Germany and Austria, since the scheme started five years ago. It came into effect after more and more young mothers, unable to cope with their newborns and afraid of dealing with officials, had been abandoning them on the street. The baby boxes offered a no-questions-asked alternative.(LINK )

Disney to Introduce First Black Princess

NEW ORLEANS, Louisiana (AP) The Walt Disney Co. has started production on an animated musical fairy tale called "The Frog Princess," which will be set in New Orleans and feature the Walt Disney Studio’s first black princess.

The company unveiled the plans at its annual shareholders’ meeting in New Orleans.

John Lasseter, chief creative officer for Disney and the Disney-owned unit Pixar Animation Studios, said the movie would return to the classic hand-drawn animation process, instead of using computer animation that has become the industry standard. He called the film "an American fairy tale."

"The film’s New Orleans setting and strong princess character give the film lots of excitement and texture," Walt Disney Studios Chairman Dick Cook said.

The movie will be scored by Randy Newman, who also wrote the music for Disney’s Toy Story, A Bug’s Life, Toy Story 2, Monsters, Inc. and Cars. Newman performed a song from the score for the shareholders. John Musker and Ron Clements, who co-directed The Little Mermaid, Aladdin, and Hercules will co-direct the movie. The pair also wrote the story for the film.

Disney said its new animated princess "Maddy" will be added to its collection of animated princesses used at the company’s theme parks and on consumer products. The film is set for release in 2009.(LINK)

March 09, 2007

Angry Moose Takes Out Helicopter

ANCHORAGE, Alaska - A helicopter is not necessarily a match for an angry moose. Instead of lying down after being shot with a tranquilizer dart, a moose charged a hovering helicopter used by a wildlife biologist, damaging the aircraft's tail rotor and forcing it to the ground.

Neither the pilot nor the biologist was injured, but the moose was maimed by the spinning rotor and had to be euthanized, wildlife officials said.

"It just had to be one of those quirky circumstance. Even dealing with bears and goats and moose and wolves, this is pretty unusual and truly a very unique situation," said Doug Larsen, regional supervisor for the Division of Wildlife Conservation.

He shot the animal with a tranquilizer dart, Larsen said, and the pilot maneuvered the helicopter to keep the animal from slipping into a tight space or collapsing in water and drowning. "The moose would start to move, and then the helicopter would back off and try to keep the moose out in the open," Larsen said. But instead of moving toward open space, the moose charged the helicopter.

"As the animal got closer and closer to going down, an animal sort of loses its thinking - its ability to rationalize what's in its best interest," Larsen said.(LINK )

Illegal to Retun Sand to the Beach?

A Blackpool, UK pensioner has been threatened with legal action if he puts sand which blew into his garden back on the beach.

Council officials threatened to prosecute Arthur Bulmer, 79, who lives opposite the beach in St Anne's, Lancs, for fly-tipping. And if found guilty he could be fined #50,000 or even go to jail, reports the Mirror.

Storms left gardens, roads and footpaths in St Anne's covered in tons of sand up to 20ft deep.

Mr Bulmer said: "I think it's crazy. I am sure my sand is cleaner than the stuff on the beach because that gets covered in dog muck. The sand is not my property. It has just invaded my garden from over the road."

The civic-minded pensioner said he was just trying to do what is right for the environment and save the council a job. He added: "Now I will have to use a specialist waste disposal firm and that will cost #500."(LINK )

Tractor Bests Swiss Tank in Collision

A tank came off worse when it collided with a tractor in Switzerland.

The tractor was only slightly damaged in the collision, near the town of Siselen, northwest of the capital Bern. But the tank was a 'write off' after it lost its tracks, crashed off the narrow road and turned over .

The road was closed for two hours while the tank wreck was recovered. The tractor was able to continue on its journey after the driver gave a statement to local police.(LINK )

Section 802 of the Patriot Act has expanded the definition of "Domestic Terrorism" as follows:

A person engages in domestic terrorism if they do an act "dangerous to human life" that is a violation of the criminal laws of a state or the United States, if the act appears to be intended to: (i) intimidate or coerce a civilian population; (ii) influence the policy of a government by intimidation or coercion; or (iii) to affect the conduct of a government by mass destruction, assassination or kidnapping. Additionally, the acts have to occur primarily within the territorial jurisdiction of the United States and if they do not, may be regarded as international terrorism.

This is a big change to a previous law on the books that you might all recognize from your Civics classes:

Amendment I :Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

So what we have here is the fact that some peaceful protesters can be charged with Domestic Terrorism if they do so much as jaywalk, fail to disperse when asked to, or even if they protest without valid permits. "Dangerous to human life" can become as elastic as the government or police want it to be. (e.g. "blocking the roads MIGHT cause an accident.")

I just wish that Congress would use these new definitions against the Bush Administration.

`(A) involve acts dangerous to human life that are a violation of the criminal laws of the United States or of any State;

. Can soneone tell me that sending us into an illegal war with faked intelligence doesn't fit this definition? It's still costing us thousands of lives, and it was done to coerce a civilian population, namely Iraq.

March 04, 2007

I've had a cat in the household since I was 5 years old, but I've never known a cat like Stormy. And every time we take him to the vet's, they tell us the same thing. Saying that he's weird is kind of like saying that the only thing President Bush really needs is a verbal spell-check: The problem goes MUCH deeper than that.

First off, there's the wake-up calls. He knows that I get up at 7 every weekday, but he decided that I needed to get up earlier, so he starts climbing the upholstery and knocking things off the dresser around 6:30. Every. Damned. Morning. And when I get up to grab him and shut him out of the bedroom, he dives under the bed, out of reach.

But I know his weakness: Running water. He can't resist the stuff. So when his morning shenanigans wake me up, I run the tap and he comes running in. He leaves the bedroom by air, to make a point of his punishment. But he never learns, that's why he keeps falling for the running water trick every morning.

Next we have his hunter instincts. Basically, anything that comes within two feet of him must look like it has "Prey" marked in large, friendly letters on it. A laundry basket, window blinds, a chair, my leg. (Mostly my leg.) Even unmoving objects like the couch has been mauled by his superior predatory skills.

This brings us to his latest bit of interesting behavior: Hunting Bread. Swear to God, we heard a scuffle in the kitchen this week (nothing new) and he came around the corner carrying a bag of hamburger buns in his mouth like it was a mouse. He was actually STRUTTING down the hall, head and tail raised in pride of his kill. I blinked in stunned silence for a moment.

My cat... was stalking CARBS.

I grabbed the bag of buns from him with a bit of effort and put them up in the cabinet, noticing the gouge marks in the bag itself. (The bag must have struggled. It wasn't a clean kill.) I returned to the computer only to hear the same scuffle in the kitchen two minutes later, and Stormy re-appeared with the bag of sandwich bread.

March 02, 2007

Casualties in Pakistani Kite Festival

What messed-up Frank Miller/Wacky Races world do these people live in?

At least 11 people died and more than 100 people were injured at an annual spring festival in eastern Pakistan celebrated with the flying of thousands of colourful kites, officials said today.

The deaths and injuries were caused by stray bullets, sharpened kite-strings, electrocution and people falling off rooftops yesterday at the conclusion of the two-day Basant festival, said Ruqia Bano, spokeswoman for emergency service in the city of Lahore.

The festival is regularly marred by casualties caused by sharp kite strings or celebratory gunshots fired into the air. Kite flyers often use strings made of wire or coated with ground glass to try to cross and cut a rival’s string or damage the other kite, often after betting on the outcome.

Police arrested more than 700 people for using sharpened kite strings or firing guns and seized 282 illegally held weapons during this year’s festival, said Aftab Cheema, a senior Lahore police officer.(LINK )

Teacher Cuts Off Boy's Tongue in Class

Milan - An Italian teacher has been suspended by her school in Milan after cutting off the tongue of a lively 7-year-old child with a pair of scissors, daily Corriere della Sera reported Tuesday.

The boy has since had his tongue stitched back but is afraid to go back to school. His parents say he suffers nightmares and runs away whenever he sees a knife. They are now suing the school for damages.

The incident took place a week ago but was only reported on Tuesday. According to Corriere, the 22-year-old substitute teacher threatened the child twice with a pair of scissors before actually chopping it off. 'Pull out your tongue. I'll cut it, and you'll no longer talk,' she was quoted as telling the child.

The teacher, who has only been identified by her initials R S, has since apologized, claiming it was an accident. (LINK )

Underwater Ice Hockey Takes Off

Divers from eight international teams from Austria, the Czech Republic, Finland, Germany, Netherlands, Poland, Slovakia and Slovenia took part in the maiden underwater ice hockey World Championship

About the game: The competition was scheduled under 30cm of ice in 2°C water, with the players dressed in wetsuits, flippers, masks, the peculiarity being the competitors plunging without the oxygen tanks.

The game was played with a Styrofoam puck around a "rink" six meters wide and eight meters long, following the ice hockey rules only to differ at the reduction in the playing time i.e. the game was made up of three periods, of 10 minutes each with a break of 10 minutes between periods.

Co-organizer of the Championship Hannes Thomasberger said, "The event was a huge success, 611 television stations from around the world will be broadcasting pictures."

The event is a challenge in itself requiring the players to be mentally and physically conditioned for the intensity of the sport, citing the initial success of the sport the organizing committee will think on the lines of conducting the event again during at least the next three years.