Because we can't all afford to eat off NY Mag's Cheap Eats list, this week several popular fast food chains are giving away [vaguely] food[ish things] for free. Here's a guide to who's giving away what and how far you'll have to debase yourself to get it:

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Who's putting out: 7-11When should you hit it: Wednesday 7/11 from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m.What are they offering: A 7.11oz SlurpeeHow far do you have to debase yourself to get it: Not too far. You do have to go inside a 7/11, but if anyone sees you, you can pretend you're buying cigarettes or a magazine about motorcycles or something else cool.Why are they doing this: July 11th mark's the chain's 85th "birthday" (though the name actually refers to the fact the original convenience store was open from 7a.m. to 11p.m.).Why are you doing this: Free things.Pro-Tip: Coke Slurpees are the best.

Who's putting out: Chick-fil-AWhen should you hit it: Friday, 7/13What are they offering: A free meal, including an entrée, side, and beverage (for example: Chick-n-Strips™, medium Waffle Potato Fries™ and a medium beverage).How far do you have to debase yourself to get it: Extremely far, Anastasia. According to the Chick-fil-A website, meals will only be awarded to those who come "fully dressed as a cow," meaning they have exhibited "effort to be dressed like a cow from head to toe." The website recommends decorating white painter's overalls with black cow splotches or buying a complete cow costume online. (They also provide a costume "starter kit" if you have lots of printer ink to spare.) "Partial cow attire" is a sign of weakness and earns you only an entrée. Perceived level of commitment to an alternative cow lifestyle is at the discretion of the restaurant manager.Why are they doing this: Sadism.Why are you doing this: Free things.Pro-Tip: Breakfast combos only come with a small beverage, which is wack because the morning is one of the thirstiest times of the day.

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Who's putting out: StarbucksWhen should you hit it: Friday, 7/13 from 12p.m. to 3p.m.What are they offering: A 12-oz Starbucks Refreshers™ beverage, which is basically a fruit drink that includes coffee extract.How far do you have to debase yourself to get it: Not far. You just have to go up and order it, though you'll probably succumb to silent pressure to pick up a couple cake pops too.Why are they doing this: Starbucks Refreshers™ beverages are an exciting new product that combine the refreshing flavors of fruit with the bitter taste of disappointment.Why are you doing this: Free things.Pro-Tip: To avoid the long lines at Starbucks, make your own version of this drink at home by dumping some coffee grounds into a glass of orange juice.

Who's putting out: Dippin' DotsWhen should you hit it: Saturday 7/14 from 7 p.m. to 9 p.m.What are they offering: A small cup of Dippin' Dots Clusterz (Dippin' Dots ice cream bitz combined with xhocolate morselz).How far do you have to debase yourself to get it: A tiny bit far. You have to print out a coupon and present it to the Keeper of the Dots before you are grudgingly awarded your clusterz.Why are they doing this: The first hit of Dots is always free, baby.Why are you doing this: Free things.Pro-Tip: Unlike regular ice cream eaten by non-astronauts, Dippin' Dots must be stored at -40 degrees, so bring a backpack full of dry ice if you plan on taking some home with you.