Hey all, I've been battling with this depression for 20 years now, and it seems that despite whatever meds I'm taking, and/or my living/social/work arrangements, every winter I go a little lower than I did the year before. I do realize I have SAD, use a light box when I wake-up, take lots of vit D. But every winter I wonder if this is the one that'll do me in? I have no plans of harming myself, but I've noticed over the years that in my journals, it seems that I refer to WHEN I do the deed, not IF I do the deed. I still have so many things that I'd like to do in this life, but I'm fairly certain that one of these winters will do me in.

Has anyone here tried electro-shock therapy? It is not nearly as inhumane as it was in the 60s (remember Jack Nicholson in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest?), and I hear that it has a decent success rate. It is something that I am considering, because despite whatever meds I take, they allow me to function, but I am rarely in what I consider a good mood. It would be so nice to go in, get my brain poached a few times, and then be done with the whole depression thing.

Feedback from anyone? Have you done it? Had a friend or family member do it? How did they respond? This is not a decision I take lightly, but when I've been journaling like there is no end in sight, I have to consider all my options. I've been considering it for a couple of years now. I would like to one day have a life and to actively participate in it, but that doesn't seem a possibility with every winter getting worse, and my spending a good portion of the summer getting myself feeling better again. The meds are a band-aid for me; an effective one, but really only a temporary solution. Every couple of years whatever I'm taking stops working and I'm forced to try something new. Despite the pharms efforts, I think that I will eventually run out of pills to take...then what?

Lose the word "when" from you vocabulary. You were put here on this earth for a special reason and we all need you so lets just get you a tune up to make things better.

ECT, my friend had it. However she had gotten to the place where she was non functionaly, anorexic and weighed only 88 lbs. 40 year old Mother of 2. She was in an out of treatment for the anorexia and finally the physicians had to deal with the depression to help get her feeling better and start eating again.

She had a series of OCT and when we would see her after the treatment she was very foggy, flat affect. She did get better but her underlying problem was her living relationship with her husband. Once that was taken care of she improved.

I know how the meds stop working for no reason at all, but the drug companies keep come up with new ones so I don't thnk you will run out of options to try.

Also, get outside in the sunshine.................don't stay locked in the house all winter. Be a kid again, make a snowman, go sledding, have fun.

Be sure to tell you physician how you are feeling, be honest and don't be afraid. We are all here for you.