Changing our spots

February 18, 2013

Many years ago, now, I had the unique opportunity to receive training with Ellen Mendel, a psychotherapist at the Alfred Adler Institute visiting American University in Washington, D.C. We were studying the process of change in human life. I recall her stating that perhaps leopards can't change their spots, but we certainly can change aspects of our lives. We can change, she stated, those facets of ourselves that we don't like or haven't been serving us well in life. The changes won't happen overnight, but if we really want to change and are willing to work at it, it will happen! Here are Mendel's tips for accomplishing change:

Take it as an act of faith that you can't change other people, only yourself!

Think carefully about what it is you want to change. Write it down.

If you've listed a number of things, don't try to tackle everything at once. Deal with them one at a time.

As objectively as possible, think out how this trait or behavior is destructive to you. Suppose you have a bad temper. Consider how it makes you appear to others and how it affects your relationships.

Look back. Maybe you're listening to messages from the past without realizing it.

Spend a few minutes each day visualizing yourself as the changed person you want to become.

In counseling yourself, be firm - but don't be too harsh on yourself. Treat yourself in a gentle, friendly way.

Sometimes it helps if you change the focus of a troublesome situation. Focus on the positive.

Keep a journal in which you jot down good, positive things about yourself. List the times you behaved well - when you've asserted yourself or when you have overcome something difficult. Refer to this journal regularly, as it can be your "have a nice day" diary just for you.

If you need assistance in accomplishing any of the above, call a counselor of your choice.

- Presented as a community service by the Rev. Warren Watts, Tri-County Pastoral Counseling Service.