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Scene I

(Starts by showing the front of a postcard with a house on it.)
Skipper: This is it, men. I may not be able to read but I am certain this postcard is the call to arms we've been waiting for. (Shows Kowalski, Rico, and Private as Skipper put postcard behind him.)
Kowalski: We just need the chimps to confirm it.
Skipper: Confirm nothing, Kowalski! Do you doubt my gut? (Points to gut) This gut here? (Skipper gets in Kowalski's face) Do you, Gut Doubter?
Kowalski: (Frantic) No, Skipper, no! You know I have the upmost respect for your gut! (Rico smirks)
Skipper: Right. (Marches in front of the others) And my gut says this is it: Farmageddon. Rico, weapons. (Rico regurgitates flame thrower, chainsaw, and missile launcher) Ah, ha, ha, ha! (Jumps on pile of weapons) Bring it on! Whoooaaa!

(Shows briefcase and hat sitting by door, while the Penguins have tea with Uncle Nigel)
Nigel (Eyes unfocused and hair a mess): So I was on the hunt for a rare Rough Fruited Buttercup. (Hugs kettle close for a moment. Skipper is leaning against his flipper in boredom)
Kowalski: (Looks to Skipper) Its a flower.
Skipper: Oh.
Nigel: (Puts down kettle, while Private watches him excitedly) Circled the twice over, only to find the devil right in my own content garden. (Laughs) Dear me.
Rico: (Laughs while banging on table then looks up confused) Wait. What?
(Uncle Nigel picks up kettle again as Private smiles at him) Private: Oh, Uncle Nigel, another smashing story! (Nigel begans to pour Private tea as Private moves the cup around so Nigel won't spill any.) I'm so glad you fount the time to visit. (Nigel puts down kettle as Private puts the tea in front of Nigel before smiling at Nigel.)
Nigel: Well, it was nothing but a skip across the old pond. Well worth it for my favorite Nephew. (Pats Private on the head as Private's smile grows.)

(Clock show it now to be three o'clock. Then skips to 4:35) Nigel: I had such a doily when I was a lad.
(Shows Nigel pouring tea as Skipper, Rico, and Kowalski look half asleep) But a hand knitted dosie on a pin-lace doily.
(Kowalski flips over empty hourglass) (Nigel continues to talk about doilies) Skipper: Doilies, doilies, doilies. (Grabs Kowalski) We need a distraction!
Kowalski: I am on it. (Ducks low from the table. Appears by the radio, where he flips a switch, then in the TV. Clock rings and little yellow bird exists twice. Kowalski hits the wall and a panel pops out. He hits a few buttons and alarms to off.)
Kowalski: How about that? (Kicks panel back into wall) I've seem to have set the Power Core into Overload. Clumsy me. (Laughs as Skipper slaps his face)
Skipper: Really Kowalski, that's your distraction?
Kowalski: (Defensive) It was the first thing that came to mind!
Private: (Confused) Distraction? (Rico sits up suddenly)
Skipper: Nothing, Private. Nothing at all. (Jumps out of seat) Come on men, lets go have some fun with Antimatterons.
Rico: WHHOOAA! (Backflips out of seat)
Nigel: (Jumps on table) Quite the oh lads. We best get on with the sti.. (Falls off table) Whooaa! (Private glances down in worry as Skipper stares down with wide eyes)
Skipper: (Helps Nigel up) No, no, Nigel. You stay with Private and tell him more of those delightfully, stupefying stories.
Nigel: (Smiles as Skipper runs) Alright then, I will.
Skipper: Tell them all (Kowalski jumps through the pathway behind Private's prize fish) Get them out of your system. (Rico follows then Skipper) Please. (Skipper shut the fish)

Nigel: So. Just when I thought I fount the perfect (Walks closer to the fish and opens it to find no one).. Doily. (He shuts the fish before jumping back)
Nigel: (Eyes focus and gain a serious look as he slicks back his hair with a flipper) Right, they're gone. (Looks to Private) Now I can proceed with my true mission.
Private: (Confused) Mission?