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I get a lot of wacky press releases in my inbox but one of the latest, announcing a new ‘anti-ageing’ sandwich, available from – I kid you not – a ‘Sandwich Spa’, has to be up there with the best of them.

I usually scan stuff like this then file them in my carefully curated Bin Folder, but this one has actually made me despair; the idea that a sandwich can turn back time, that a sandwich can change the laws of physics, is obviously laughable but it’s also a bit insulting.

The ‘Roll Back The Clock’ is a multi-grain wrap filled with sweet potato, lettuce, a few vegetables and a handful of sesame seeds.

It is gluten-free and wheat-free, and the ingredients have been specially chosen for their cell-repairing, antioxidant and lycopene-having properties, all of which you can find in a glass of water and a carrot.

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It is the creation of the BFree food brand and ‘health and wellness expert, TV personality and future Countess of Sandwich, Julie Montagu’, who you might recognise from the reality beige watch that is Ladies of London,

I’d never heard of BFree but you’ll notice everything in the spa is branded with their packaging.

Full credit to Julie: she is a qualified nutritionist and yoga teacher, and clearly a smart cookie – sugar-free, of course.

It makes it all the more galling to see her trying to hoodwink the actual ladies and men of London with some chunks of sweet potato.

There’s more on the menu than the Roll Back wrap.

There’s the B.L.T. – ‘Beautiful, Long, Tresses’ – that has walnuts, so it’s good for your hair.

Then there is the Mindfulness Bites, which apparently lifts your mood thanks to its combo of avocado, smoked salmon, beetroot and cashews – has someone informed the NHS?

Again, to be fair to our future Countess of Sandwich, all the edibles are served alongside a beauty or body treatment, and all the sandwiches and treatments are totally free; if you want a relaxing midday massage and bite to eat, by all means, head on down to the Spa.

Just please, please, do not drink the Sandwich Spa Kool Aid.

I know that the Sandwich Spa is a publicity stunt; I understand the argument that it is a bit of frippery and fun.

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But we are bombarded, day in and day out, with the message that young is in, and old is ugly; that your worth is less with every second that ticks by, and if you’re not doing something to stop the sands of time then you’re doing something wrong.

God forbid we might actually embrace ageing: it is, after all, inevitable and yes, it comes with aching bones and stopping shoulders, but also acceptance, know-how and experience.

Err… you have something on your face (Picture: BFree Foods)

We have enough trouble with society degrading the elderly at every turn, and now there’s a pop up sandwich joint pretending it’s a quick fix because we are all told we must be better, better, better; now, now, now.

Its message of wholesome, healthy eating is all well and good but it’s undermined by the gimmicky gaff and the addition of Julie, a tall, blonde, beautiful woman who’s wealth affords her the time and resources to buy healthy food and work out ad infinitum.

She is no doubt well-intentioned, but a sandwich won’t make you look young, and more fool you if you think it will.

I utterly sympathise with the need, the demand, to look younger, and be nicer, than who you already are – and if it turns out that spinach can turn back the clock, I’ll eat my hat.

For now, I think I’ll stick to my Meal Deal.

The Sandwich Spa is open from March 14 to 16 at Pall Mall Galleria, Unit 30, Royal Opera Arcade, 5b Pall Mall, London SW1Y 4UY, from 10am – 3pm.