Dr. Helen

Commentary on popular culture and society, from a (mostly) psychological perspective

Saturday, July 16, 2011

The Warrior Ethos

Glenn received some new books in the mail from author Steven Pressfield and one that caught my eye was The Warrior Ethos. Pressfield has some great books that have sage advice such as Do the Work that explains how to overcome resistance and procrastination. The great thing about blogging is that I can now procrastinate about doing work while reading a book about how not to procrastinate and call that work for blogging. Oh, never mind...

Anyway, Pressfield describes himself as a writer who writes about war:

...external wars and internal wars, wars ancient and modern, real wars out of history and imagined wars that exist only in speculation.

The The Warrior Ethos was written for our men and women in uniform, but its utility, I hope, will not be limited to the sphere of literal armed conflict. We all fight wars--in our work, within our families and abroad in the wider world. Each of us struggles every day to define and defend our sense of purpose and integrity, to justify our existence on the planet and to understand, if only within our own hearts, who we are and what we believe in.

One interesting section called "The Warrior Archetype" discussed the archetypes of psychologist Carl Jung and looked at the stages we pass through on the way to maturity:

The warrior archtype clicks in like a biological clock sometime in the early to mid-teens. We join a gang, we try out for the football team, we hang with our homies, we drive fast, we take crazy chances, we seek adventure and hazard.

The lessons we learn in this "warrior" phase, the book says, are with us our whole lives as we move through our different life phases. What is learned in the warior phase carries over to being a good father, mother, husband or wife. Finally, the last chapter sums it all up: "The hardest thing in the world to be is ourselves."

How do we get to the point where we understand who we are, what we believe and how we want to live? This book asks a lot of questions--it's up to the reader to find the answers. It is also available in a Kindle Edition here.

Dr Borysenko believes women suffer so severely because they are more likely than men to be people-pleasers who ignore their own needs. Trapped in a cycle of trying to do their best, but not realising the toll it’s taking on them, they end up in a cycle of despair. ‘Burn-out is a disorder of hope. It sucks the life out of competent, hard-working people. You lose motivation and vitality,’ says Dr Borysenko, a Harvard-trained scientist and psychologist.‘It happens when you feel you can’t stand it for one more minute. You have such thoughts as: “I hate my life.” ....

Dr Borysenko says women close to burn-out often put themselves last on their own list.‘Women in burn-out exhaust themselves by doing, doing, doing,’ she says. They also become cynical and negative about life. Feeling relentlessly put-upon creates a martyr complex and a raging sense of resentment and indignation that often makes burn-out victims feel justified in lashing out...

She is worried about the toll on mothers trying to do it all, especially now that a job is no longer a matter of choice for many, but is instead essential to keeping the family finances afloat.

Funny, feminists have always told women they "could have it all." Now that they do, they are all a bunch of martyrs, no different than the way the 1950s housewives were described by feminists. Have you noticed that women are always portrayed as a bunch of martyrs who "never put themselves first," no matter the circumstances? The solution to their woes always seems to be to get more "me time."

I often watch men drag themselves to work or do things that call for sacrifice without complaining or sometimes, they have a heart attack or other health problem that no one really cares about and certainly, they get little sympathy.

Men are also adapting to new roles and doing much more in the home as well as working. People just call that "life" if you're a man. If you are a woman who works too hard, you are "burnt-out" and need help. Maybe "burnt-out" is just another phrase that means "work like a man." Feminists and their suck-ups are always saying that women are "superior" to men, but when I read articles like this one, I'm not so sure.

The irony is that measures of self-esteem are poor predictors of how content a person will be, especially if the self-esteem comes from constant accommodation and praise rather than earned accomplishment. According to Jean Twenge, research shows that much better predictors of life fulfillment and success are perseverance, resiliency, and reality-testing—qualities that people need so they can navigate the day-to-day.

Earlier this year, I met with a preschool teacher who told me that in her observation, many kids aren’t learning these skills anymore. She declined to be named, for fear of alienating parents who expect teachers to agree with their child-rearing philosophy, so I’ll call her Jane.

"The only ones who seem to get upset are the ones who don't control their children."

It hasn't been a banner year for the under-6 set. Starting July 16, McDain's, a Pittsburgh-area restaurant, will ban children under the age of 6 from its dining area. Restaurant owner Mike Vuick said the policy came in response to complaints he'd received from older customers about kids causing a ruckus. In an email to his clientele, Vuick wrote, "We feel that McDain's is a not a place for young children … and many, many times they have disturbed other customers."

If parents can no longer control their kids, should businesses and their customers have to pay the price? What do you think?