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Sunday June 8, 2014 5:29 AM

Dear Carolyn: I would like to invite one of my good college friends to be in my
wedding party.

He and I live relatively far apart but have, through the years, traveled together and gotten
together whenever we’ve been in the same city. We last saw each other about nine months ago, but
alumni groups keep us connected by email almost weekly, and we often talk on the phone. I consider
him a close friend.

But when he got married five years ago, he didn’t invite me, and he didn’t even let me know when
he had his first child. We’ve never spoken of it all, but now I’m in the awkward position of
inviting someone to be in my wedding when he didn’t even invite me to his.

Should I broach this or just invite him anyway?

— D

Dear D: Definitely the latter, with one caveat, which I’ll get to in a second.

Your position is awkward because it’s humiliating; he’s in your top five, and you didn’t even
make his top whatever.

We’ve all been there, and it’s no fun.

But there is (probably only) one good thing about being humiliated: If you decide it doesn’t
matter, then it doesn’t matter, period.

Plus, wedding parties are snapshots. You missed the cut five years ago, but maybe now you would
make it. Who knows? Few stay close to every attendant.

So, just pick your preference, inviting your friend or saving face.

And heed that one caveat, which is: He lives far away, has a newish child and might not regard
you two as close anymore, so he might not want to travel. And he might feel too guilty to say
no.

So, if you do opt to invite him, make it clear that it’s OK for him to say no.

Dear Carolyn: My favorite niece is planning a very small wedding in a restaurant.
The only relatives she is inviting are her mother and father and me.

Another aunt who lives near the bride (I don’t) won’t be invited, and neither will my son, to
whom she is also close.

I feel guilty that my sister and son can’t be included.

Should I attend and not tell them? Should I not attend?

— Aunt With a Dilemma

Dear Aunt: Individual exclusions from big weddings are a dilemma; mass exclusions
from tiny weddings are not. Go, enjoy and promise to take good pictures.