DALLAS, TX—The Dallas Cowboys’ defensive line was rocked Sunday with allegations that they were offsides. It was the third down for the Vikings with the Cowboys preparing to defend when a whistleblower suddenly made public an accusation that Maliek Collins had crossed the line of scrimmage before the snap.

The Cowboys immediately pushed back. “We’re just trying to play some football here,” said Cowboys’ defensive end Demarcus Lawrence. “I think people know how good we are, and that’s why they throw out all these accusations against us. Roughing the passer. Pass interference. Illegal hands to the face. It’s all nonsense. We want to know who is making these charges and why.”

“I should be able to face my accuser,” said defensive tackle Maliek Collins, who was accused of being offsides. “I want to know who is this ‘whistleblower’ and find out why he made this accusation against me and find out if he has an ulterior motive.”

The whistleblower’s identity was soon known, as it was Phil, standing nearby with a whistle. Everyone booed Phil.

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