No one ever likes their daughter's first boyfriend, right? Alyssa* was a late bloomer, and didn't date or express any interest in boys until her senior year, when a boy expressed interest in her.

Up to that point, she had been such a delightfully easy kid. She never got in trouble, and she always did as she was told. The opposite of the moody teen, she was even-keeled and got over any disagreement within two minutes. But with Mike*, it was different. They spent every minute together, but it seemed to me that all that time was spent fighting. She'd tie up our phone late into the night to argue with him. I kept thinking — and telling her — that a healthy relationship wouldn't have this much fighting, especially not so early. A solid boyfriend wouldn't fly off the handle, or keep her up screaming when she should have been studying (or sleeping).

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I figured the relationship would run its course after high school, but they stayed together. Mike never finished, though he did get his GED, while Alyssa took classes at the community college and worked at a nearby factory. Then, the couple made the choice I'd been dreading: They got engaged.

With seemingly no other ideas, the couple made a choice I'd been dreading: They got engaged.

Their engagement was the turning point. My husband and I finally realized that this relationship wasn't just some puppy-dog romance or teenage rebellion. We were going to lose her. At the same time, we thought, "Well, she's 21. She's old enough to make her own choices."

Alyssa and Mike fought in the weeks leading up to the wedding. The morning of the big day, Mike's mother threw a chair at my daughter, screaming and cussing. "I don't know why my son is marrying you," she spat. "You must think you're better than my son."

I pulled Alyssa aside and asked her why she was still going through with this. She whispered that we had already spent all this money and she didn't want it to go to waste. I cried throughout the ceremony.

Mike entered the police academy and became an officer in a town hours away, so they moved away from us. He started experimenting with drugs, typically arresting people for possession and then keeping the contraband for himself. He was caught and forced to resign, so he decided to join the military. They moved out of state to be near a base, and he did tours in Iraq and Afghanistan. My daughter was alone, and by then, of course, they had started having babies.

I pulled Alyssa aside and asked her why she was still going through with this. She whispered that we had already spent all this money and she didn't want it to go to waste.

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He'd been unstable to begin with, but when he came back from Afghanistan he was even more messed up. Now he had an excuse, too: PTSD. He went from shouting to name-calling to getting physical with Alyssa.

I felt her drifting further and further away from me. My family just kept saying, "We're really trying to give him the benefit of the doubt." It took my husband years to truly see what was going on. Even then, he complained, "You should tell Alyssa that she needs to leave." He wasn't willing to actively address the situation either: All tough conversations with her went through me.

Every time I thought it couldn't get worse, it did. He hit her in front of the kids. He opened up online dating profiles for himself, and went back to using drugs. He tried to kill himself and wound up in a mental ward. After every transgression, every fight, he blamed the PTSD. I felt completely hopeless. Every phone call was terrifying; Alyssa only ever had bad news for me.

This was her first romantic relationship, so it's almost as if she thought this was normal. During every phone call I'd ask, do you think what he is doing is acceptable? Do you think this is what every couple is going through? I'd beg her to leave, but they had three kids. "Mom, what options do I really have?" She felt like it was easier to stay with an abusive husband than not have one at all.

The final straw was actually an issue that "normal" couples deal with: money. One day, Alyssa walked out to her car and found it missing from its spot — it had been repossessed. Mike hadn't been paying the bills, and they were close to losing their house, too. Without even shelter to depend on, she packed up the kids and came home to us.

Every phone call was terrifying; Alyssa only ever had bad news for me.

It felt like a miracle — I was so relieved. The nightmare wasn't quite over; however, because they still had to fight through a divorce. Despite his numerous issues, Mike still wanted time with his children and demanded partial custody. During visits with the kids, he'd poison them against Alyssa, reading the divorce papers aloud to them and blaming her for the breakup of their family. These manipulations actually helped Alyssa's cause, though, once they made it to court. The judge wasn't very fond of such abuses of power. He could see through these abuses, even if my daughter could not.

We're putting the pieces back together, slowly. My husband actually argues with Alyssa all the time now that she's back around the house; I think he's upset that she got herself into this situation. I know it's just his own way of dealing with things, but of course it hurts her feelings to hear that stuff. I keep my thoughts to myself, but they are pervasive. I can't sleep at night, and I stress-eat.

I feel like I did something wrong, like I didn't instill enough confidence in her. Even through the divorce proceedings, she is careful not to hurt Mike's feelings. She protects him. I wonder, When are you going to hate him?

I feel like I did something wrong, like I didn't instill enough confidence in her.

I certainly hate him. I fantasize about terrible things happening to him, so he could be out of our lives forever. If I could go back, I would have done anything to stop her from marrying him. We could have refused to pay for the wedding; we could have helped her call it off. I think she always thought he would get better. He never did.