Don't know about spanking… personal experience. Literally got what should've been my second language spanked out of me by my elementary school teacher with a wooden paddle with holes in it (because I didn't understand that we weren't supposed to speak our ethnic language in public). This was before laws were passed forbidding that sort of thing…

I'd reserve spanking for when the child does something that could've gotten him hurt. My sister doesn't like spanking though. She makes her kids face the wall…

Worked for me growing up and for my friend's kid, the threat of it keeps him in line pretty well. I don't attach a lot of modern political correctness or parenting theory to it. I find it too unrealistic and touchy feely when people start labeling discipline as abuse. I also don't think it should be the first or third option to things, but it should be an option.

“You tell yourself to just enjoy the process,” he added. “That whether you succeed or fail, win or lose, it will be fine. You pretend to be Zen. You adopt detachment, and ironic humor, while secretly praying for a miracle.”

I was spanked as a kid, pretty hard. It was certainly a good way to deter me from doing anything bad as a kid. I mean, I hated it, it hurt, and I'd have a winge about it, but I sure as hell wasn't going to do whatever it was I did again. When I hear people ranting on about how spanking is abuse I always think, “I turned out pretty well, so did everyone else I know.”

of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most. EXCUSE ME WHILE I STROKE MY MOUSTACHE IN A SUGGESTIVE MANNER!

I was spanked as a kid and I think I turned out okay. I haven't killed anyone yet and I don't harbor any deep resentment toward my parents. Maybe there are better means of discipline, but I don't think spanking is ineffective.

OnlyFoolsAndVikingsWhen I hear people ranting on about how spanking is abuse I always think, “I turned out pretty well, so did everyone else I know.”

Well, I never received a single spank and I turned out pretty fine, myself. A nephew of mine who's around my age (there's a huuuge age gap between me and my oldest sister) got frequently spanked and there was a long period in his youth where he downright hated his parents and ended up committing several Juvenile delinquencies (committing crimes when you're still too young to be punished for it). When these acts started turning serious (robbing a cargo container and attempt at credit card fraud) he got sent to live with his grandparents from his fathers side for few years and got a whole lot better. He started doing considerably better at school, calmed down a whole lot and today he's a single dad with a happy kid and a good job. He told me that he doesn't dream of the idea of spanking his kid.

My point being with this short story of mine, is that spanking is not a magic solution to your troubled kid. In this case it only served to backfire as the parents overused it and the child ended up thinking “What's the point? I get punished for everything anyways”. Spanking didn't make him respect his parents. It made him fear them and eventually hate them. I remember him talking to me several times in my youth about how he viewed his treatment as unjust and overly harsh. Me being a kid myself at the time, I couldn't agree more.

My worst forms of punishments were in the “Stay in your room” category (I'll admit, that worked a whole lot better back when kids didn't have TV's and computers in their rooms, which is probably why corners are being used today) and a harsh talk later to get me to understand what I did wrong. Does it sound like a mild punishment? Well… an adult thinking person would think so but trust me, kids think differently. Mere minutes of not being allowed to do anything is torture. Kids will start thinking about why they're being punished when they got nothing else to do but to stare at a wall, rather then nursing their sore bottom.

ChernobogI find it too unrealistic and touchy feely when people start labeling discipline as abuse.

Who's saying that all forms of discipline is abuse? People are talking about spanking. Spanking may equal a form of discipline but discipline itself certainly doesn't equal spanking. I've seen strict parent. I mean STRICT parents who's got their kids understanding that there are rules in this house and that they're meant to follow them and those kids understand that. But they have never touched their kids.

My youngest sister, who was practically my second mother recently had her 3rd child and her kids are one of the most well behaved things I've seen. They don't even think about cursing, and you should see the shock in their face when someone does (it's quite hilarious). My youngest sister is the polar opposite of my oldest one, when it comes to temper. She never even raises her voice at kids and gets really angry at people who snap at them. Her form of discipline is multi-leveled, ranging forms of time outs, stern talks, small and simple rewards for good behavior and other forms of positive reinforcement.

From my personal experience, harsh punishments have a tendency to backfire (and I've got a very good memory from my youth where I resented teachers who mistreated me, rather then respecting them) while encouraging upbringing has created some of the nicest people I've known. There's no way anyone's gonna convince me that spanking should be the preferred child rearing method.

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Product PlacementWho's saying that all forms of discipline is abuse? People are talking about spanking. Spanking may equal a form of discipline but discipline itself certainly doesn't equal spanking. I've seen strict parent. I mean STRICT parents who's got their kids understanding that there are rules in this house and that they're meant to follow them and those kids understand that. But they have never touched their kids.

From my personal experience, harsh punishments have a tendency to backfire (and I've got a very good memory from my youth where I resented teachers who mistreated me, rather then respecting them) while encouraging upbringing has created some of the nicest people I've known. There's no way anyone's gonna convince me that spanking should be the preferred child rearing method.

I don't know who's claiming that, either. I didn't say all discipline. Let's not split hairs here. Further, not all kids, parents, and families are the same. Your nephew's experience is neither standard or abnormal. It's just how he took the matter. People are different and different things work for them.

As I also stated, I don't think it should be the ‘preferred’ child rearing method either. I just don't believe in removing it from the toolbox.

“You tell yourself to just enjoy the process,” he added. “That whether you succeed or fail, win or lose, it will be fine. You pretend to be Zen. You adopt detachment, and ironic humor, while secretly praying for a miracle.”

1) verbal reprimand. Say it nicely and tell he kid why what he did is wrong. Explain it logically why. In a nice manner. You can go like “If you keep doing that, this is whats gonna happen…” Its better to use reasoning than fear. Fear will only keep them in check for awhile. When they turn 20 they will hate your guts and run away from you if you controlled them with fear.

2) Finding something he likes then capitalizing on it. Threaten to take it away or withold it. The only defense against this from the kid's end is to destroy his dependency on that thing you try to capitalize on… which is a good thing. So much better for him and for you. You make things simpler.

Kid will grow up learning how to cover his ass and play out “what if scenarios” in his head. I.e. If I do this, then what will the other side do? How can they threaten me? Like a chess game. Trust me this works. I've had girlfriends threaten me with leaving me or witholding sex… the moment I go “I was expecting you to do that” it disables them mentally and forces them to abandon their threats for the most part. :)

3) Prevention is always better than the cure. Its best that as a parent, you must lead by example. Fix yourself first. Dont be a druggie / alcoholic / suicidal / depressed / anger management issues / whatever issue it is…

Product PlacementDoes it sound like a mild punishment? Well… an adult thinking person would think so but trust me, kids think differently. Mere minutes of not being allowed to do anything is torture. Kids will start thinking about why they're being punished when they got nothing else to do but to stare at a wall, rather then nursing their sore bottom.

I definitely agree with this. As a kid, I was only spanked once, and it was when I did something really bad. My parents very rarely raised their voices at me. I think I've turned out pretty darn good. It's almost like training a dog(although much more complicated, obviously) - it would have been completely unnecessary to spank me. For me, I loved my dad and the worst punishment was when he was unhappy with me. I think the same goes for most young kids.Now, I was probably just a good kid by nature, but my little sister sure as heck isn't - and the same goes for her. My dad, especially, has been incredibly patient in disciplining her. He's never resorted to spanking or yelling. And wouldn't you know it, she's outgrown pretty much all of the behavioural problems she had as a kid, and is growing up to be a pretty awesome teenager now.

Besides, if your kid is going to do something really terrible it will probably be when they're a teenager, and by that point they're too old to be spanked. ; )

—

On a less personal note, I think just about every study I've read on this subject has said that spanking is - basically - not a good thing. If I remember correctly, it can often increase the chance that a child will become a bully to other children.

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It was the way you said it. You didn't say that you thought it was unrealistic and touchy feely when people start labeling spanking as an abuse. You said discipline, as if spanking was the only form of it. That is the reason why I quoted you. The argument I was making was that there are other forms of discipline out there that work just as well, if not better.

Those were my two cents.If you have any other questions, please deposit a quarter.This space for rent.

Growing up, my parents had a double-standard when it came to me and my brothers. My brothers were beaten: leather belt on a bare ass. But since I was a girl, I was “talked to”. Examples I will never forget:I was told the entire story of “In Cold Blood” when I was 7 years old because I had told a secret to a neighbor's child. After telling the story, my Dad shrugged his shoulders and said he just hoped that the whole family wouldn't be woken up in the middle of the night to be butchered like what happened, in real life, to that other family. And then when I was 8 and had fibbed about coming straight home, I was informed that I was old enough to know the difference between right and wrong and there was nothing more that my parents could do for me. I was on my way to hell and it was my fault.

This kind of psychological I don't recommend.

So, how I raised my kids? I ended up with a different psychological without intending to. At first I did spank using the flat of my hand – one, two ,three, done. But it did not deter behavior.

What did work was this: when a rule was violated, I reminded them of the rule, I pointed out the violation, and then warned the offender that if there was another violation of this same rule, the offender would have earned a spanking (and that's how I put it: earned a spanking). Frequently, in the beginning, there was always another violation.

“Well, you've earned the spanking. Do you want it now or later?” Later was Always the choice, and I never forgot a spanking date (that's an extremely important component). By the time the appointment arrived, there was no anger, it was strictly ceremonial, which probably made it more humiliating. But whatever it was, helping elongate a child's memory, humiliation, the spanking appointments really helped curtail the bad behavior.

And so, from that standpoint, I don't recommend the physical punishment but I did find “the ceremony” of spanking to be very effective. And how is this child? She's amazingly sweet, talented, productive, pragmatic, caring – and we get along pretty well.

—

I left out my sister. There's a quite an age gap between my sister and the younger of our two brothers. Basically she was raised by a different set of parents: no spankings, no psychological stuff, no groundings. Very little if any discipline.

She's now married with 2 kids and one on the way, very nice, even charming. But she has the most immense sense of entitlement I've ever see, cannot be relied on to keep promises she makes, and has been on the verge of bankruptcy for years.

I'd have to agree that physical discipline should be used sparingly and as a last resort, but I do believe it has a place.

Spanking should never be about causing physical damage, but should focus on associating pain and shock with a greivious offence. Example:

My son was less than one year old when he started walking, though he couldn't talk or understand speech very well.

We were at the park one day when he got it into his little head that he wanted to walk into the street. I was standing right next to him, so I reached down and picked him up. I pointed to the street and firmly told him “no”.

Only a few minutes later, he was toddling off towards the street once more.

I told him no and brought him back once again.

The third time I picked him up, bent him over my knee and gave him two hard whacks on his diapered butt right there on the playground. He looked absolutely betrayed, but he never did toddle towards the street after that. I rarely spanked him. That spanking sent a message more clear than any “no, no” ever could - The street was absolutely off limits.

I think the real problem with spanking is the temptation for parents to spank out of anger or impatience. Spanking while angry or impatient is just a baptized version of physical abuse and this is where the line is almost always crossed.

If the parent is angry and physically taking the anger out on that child, even if there is no lasting damage, it is communicating the message “when you are angry with someone it's ok to be physically aggressive with them”.

Spanking is an extremely effective tool (in my experience) in communicating with children too young to fully grasp speech and can carry over to the younger years as a very effective tool for correction. Spanking, like all other forms of discipline, should be thought out by the parent ahead of time and should be delivered to the child with a calm demeanor and clear head.

In short - I don't think it's the spanking that will mess a kid up, I think it's the parents anger.

“No one can go back to start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending,” Maria Ross.

It can work if done right, and only as a last resort and with younger children.

SomeoneSpanking is an extremely effective tool (in my experience) in communicating with children too young to fully grasp speech and can carry over to the younger years as a very effective tool for correction. Spanking, like all other forms of discipline, should be thought out by the parent ahead of time and should be delivered to the child with a calm demeanor and clear head.

All forms of discipline can be used abusively, the trick is in the delivery.

I also think it's most effective if done sparingly and if used to cause shock rather than pain.

Wasn't really spanked. It was too hard work forcing me over the knee. I'd often get smacks on the legs instead unless I tried to hide or get away and my bum was an easy target.

I reckon I was probably smacked too much, though.My sister was a terrible liar and she'd often say I hit her when I didn't or said something nasty that I didn't. I was also almost always the one getting it out of the two of us. Not looking both ways when crossing the road? Got it for that. Took the dog out for a walk without telling my mum where I was going? Got it for that even though I got pulled over and scraped both my knees, learning my lesson by default anyway.

Still can't recall my sister being slapped for anything. She got her mouth washed out with soap once for swearing. That was it. Five years of bracing myself every time my parents shouted at me in case it was one of the rare occasions in which they would and she got nothing. Even though I was a fainter. Crying and talking at the same time would drop me. But it only ever happened once because of a punishment.

My dad kicked me for watching South Park when he told me not to and I ran through to tell my mum. I only managed to stand in front of her and call her a few times before she looked at me and asked me what was wrong. My chest and throat just seized up and I stood there for about a minute or so trying to tell her what had happened. But the words wouldn't come out.I remember seeing her running towards be as I started to fall backwards and regained consciousness in the recovery position. She just managed to catch me before I hid my head off the stone kitchen tiles.

The only time I got smacked after that was a year or so later when my uncle did it because I'd hurt my leg when my bike pedal broke off and I wouldn't stop crying about wanting to go home. He's regretted it ever since and I've long forgiven him.

As for my dad kicking me, he can't even remember it. That usually means he was probably drunk when it happened like the time he rubbed baby spiders into my hair that same year or the time he stole a glass pitcher from a bar table and threw it into a stream where children played back in ‘06.

He’d never do any of that shit sober and live it down. It hurts, though, that he doesn't remember it when he ran out of the house in tears after hitting my sister seven years later. But it was a bad time in his life back then. He's always struggled with depression and he doesn't admit it, but he has a problem with drink, too.

He's not downing cans every day but he doesn't stop until he's passed out on the couch and mumbling like an idiot about the DBZ Cell Saga and trying to drink the TV remote.

And my sister? She went through a virulent phase of violence and bad behaviour when she got older. It's eased up a lot since but she used to do and say horrible things. And that's putting it lightly. She threw chairs and brandished kitchen knives.

I still get chills when she's angry even though she hasn't been that bad in years.

Call that jumped up metal rod a knife?Watch mine go straight through a kevlar table, and if it dunt do the same to a certain gaixan's skull in my immediate vicinity after, I GET A F*****G REFUND! BUKKO, AH?!- Rekkiy (NerveWire)

GenejokeAll forms of discipline can be used abusively, the trick is in the delivery.

Completely agree with this. Comparing abuse and spanking seems to be a squares-and-rectangles sort of argument. Just like anything else in this life, spanking can be overdone.

When I was little, spanking was the ultimate punishment for me. In retrospect it definitely helped me learn my lesson, especially the mistakes I repeated more than once. However, I do believe there is a very particular time in a child's life where it just doesn't work anymore. Spanking is a good technique when the child doesn't actually have the ability to see consequences. Once they do, spanking could easily lead to a more rebellious child. I've been through many a parking lot to see a parent spanking their twelve-or-something year old only to to find it obviously not working.

As far as how to actually employ spanking, I did want to mention that ayesinback has a very clever use of it. Hm…if I ever become a parent…there's some good tips there. :)

It worked when I was a kid. Other forms of disciplide didn't really mean anything to me since if I was sent to my room, I'd just draw or go to sleep and it never really bothered me. Physical pain, however, is something easy to understand and instantly gets the idea across since you naturally associate it with doing something wrong. It's part of the reason many victims blame themselves when they are abused, they think they have done something wrong.

Now, that doesn't mean something like spanking can't be abusive. Like someone else said, it's all about the application.

It's effective I guess for some kids, but personally I don't think it should be done. I was hit as a kid, and I'd just not do whatever it was again, but I didn't know WHY I shouldn't do that thing, I just avoided it so I wouldn't get hit, so really I didn't learn a damn thing. Well, not too true, I did learn to lie about doing stuff if I knew I wouldn't get caught in that lie, just so I would avoid being hit, in the end I grew up to be a decently good liar…:|

I think parents should just explain to their kids why they shouldn't do something instead of just hitting them. Some people have said you should spank them and then explain it to them, personally if that was done to me I'd purposely not listen because I'd be too mad about being hit, even if it meant getting hit again…

I have friends who believe that a kid cannot, absolutely cannot, turn out right if they aren't spanked. They ignore any other punishments at all, just go straight to hitting them. Especially part of my family in Mississippi, the first thing they resort to is beating their kids. I dunno, I really hate parents like that. There's so many other methods of punishment; send them to their room, take away a favorite toy for a period of time, time-outs, no junk food or sweets, no desert, loss of TV/computer/video games privileges, no going outside to play, blah blah blah. The possibilities are endless.

I think hitting really should only be done if the kid does something REALLY bad. They told a lie? Big deal, give them a time out or something. Little boy steals his sisters pet hermit crab and flushes it down the toilet (crazy random example)? Then a spanking is much more appropriate. I've known friends that got hit and turned out fine, and other friends who got hit and grew up hating their parents. It's a bit mixed I guess, I think it's better just to avoid hitting a kid unless they do something extreme.

The people I know who were spanked as kids tend to have this primal hate of their parents. I don't think any of them were ABUSED, per se, but literally everyone I have met irl who was spanked as a regular form of punishment (my dad included) has this seething hate directed towards their parents that comes out when they get upset. Striking something is a primal reaction to extreme frustration, so it seems to make sense to me…

I was spanked once in my life. My grandmother had just passed away and I probably said something stupid to my mom that stressed her out and she beat my ass with a shoe. I saw a friend of get spanked once for climbing on the woodpile that we weren't supposed to go on, and you could see the stress on her mom's face dissipate during the act. I'm not a parent, so I really don't have a right to say this, but spanking seems to be a way for the parent to take out their anger on their kids without feeling like they did something wrong. Even if you use the guise of it “being for their own good,” you're still hitting your child. : /

When I did something wrong, I got yelled at. TV privileges taken away, etc. When I was doing something I shouldn't have been, my mom would tell me to stop and I usually did. I trusted my parents and I respected them because they respected me. If I'd been spanked on regular basis I don't think I would have respected them and I probably would have been in trouble more often. This is going to sound cliche, but communication, even with a three year old, is key to any relationship.

SomeoneThis is going to sound cliche, but communication, even with a three year old, is key to any relationship.

-que everyone telling me I'm wrong lol-

Yep you're wrong. sort of.

At three and over I pretty much agree with you. That said I was spanked over three and hold no resentment to my parents. When a child's understanding reaches a certain point, then other forms of discipline become more effective. Also doing things out of anger and frustration doesn't work as it becomes a fight, and yes the resentment comes from that. Different things work better on different people though, my daughter has been spanked once and she generally responds well to communication. My sons however are much harder to get through to.

One thing that makes me laugh is when people call physical discipline bullying. All forms of discipline can come down to bullying. As someone mentioned earlier it isn't the methods that are the problem but the anger. It is misuse of the methods that becomes abuse power.

I got spanked a lot as a kid, and I do “hate” my father. But I don't “hate” him because he spanked me. I “hate” him for his shortcomings as an adult human being, and boy does he have them.

I remember the times when he spanked me with calm authority, and the times when he just outright hit me. It's definitely very different, even if the pain is the same. As many said, it's all in the delivery and application.

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I rarely got spanked. I can recall four or five times during my entire childhood…..but the lessons reinforced I still remember today! I STILL can't leave the room without turning off the TV!! In all fairness, I was told a shitload of times over a couple weeks to pay heed to this request!

My son grew up with corporal punishment and, again, it was only four or five times. He was an honors graduate from high school, did a hitch in the Navy in their Nuclear Propulsion program.

There's no way you can argue me out of the SpareTheRodSpoilTheChild camp. It's true…..I've seen liberal parents with screaming little bust condoms in stores and out in public….and if that kid knew his ass would get cracked the other way, there'd be no tantrums.

Now, without trying to sound condescending or like a jerkoff, how many parents do we have here???

“Life comes at ya pretty fast, sometimes….double tap to the head if it does….”

There's too much meat on the human behind. If you really want to discipline someone poke 'em in an eye or something. If my parents poked me in the eye I would have been way too blind to get into trouble.

It depends.Each child is different and requires different types of discipline to learn.Spanking worked great on me. My parents didn't spank me much or hard enough to cause any long term damage.Spanking did not work at ALL on my younger brother. He would laugh while being spanked. Removing social priviliges worked for him.You have to know your kids well enough to determine what motivates them to behave.I would never rule out an occational spanking. However, don't rule out other forms of punishment either.Arsenic is an excellent behavioral deterent but only really works once…. ;)

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I think it depends on the child . In my case I was a handfull as a kid and I got spanked often although I surely deserved it . With my kids I have only spanked my son once and usually just telling him I was disappointed by his behavoir was enough to make him mind . My daughter however is a hardhead and once the idea is in her head forget about it she's gonna do it no matter what you do spanking included !

Well on thethought that spanking is a form of abuse I’d have to say no, so long as saidparent isn’t getting carried away with it. I’ve heard stories from relativesabout damn near getting beaten to death but what I got as a kid wasn’t anywherenear that and it was effective on me. I’d have rather have gotten twentyspankings then get my old man shouting at me ‘cause he was scary as hell whenhe was pissed.

As to what’s more effective spankings, a talking to, time outs, a newspaper and squirt bottle; I think that’s up to the individual set of parents todecide how they should discipline their child/children and no one else’sincluding neighbor, family member, government, or gossipy forum people (doesthat mean I should be quiet, maybe later). The only time any one else shouldget involved if it does turn into unquestionable abuse.

A spanking may not be effective on one child as it would be on another, differentstrokes and all that. The one thing all disciplinary actions should holdtogether is a discussion on why misbehaving Mike or Molly is getting saidpunishment. This way the parents aren’t just some monsters just randomlypaddling them or shoving them in a corner and they can understand they arebeing punished for bad deeds and learn from their moral mistakes.

Is spanking abuse? I don't think so. But, like any form of discipline it has to be delivered without anger for it to be effective. If the parent is reacting in anger to the child, then the parent is no longer in control of themselves. If it's done calmly, and the reason is clearly explained it's not abusive. However, any form of discipline that is inconsistently applied, arbitrary, and based on the parent's emotional state is ineffective and does more harm than good.

Considering this seriously… if you had a sexy maid in a skimpy outfit, spanking would be an ineffective form of discipline. Firstly there'd obviously have to be some form of understanding between the two of you to allow for such contact, so that's already diluting the punishment aspect. And then there's the fact that adults have many other options, unlike children, so corporal punishment has much less meaning- unless they don't have options, like someone who's a slave or a prisoner.In the end though, it's always going to just be fetishy and fun.

——

When I was a child, spankings intimidated me quite a lot. But they should only ever be administered by close family, and never, ever taken further than beyond what is reasonable. People should think very, very seriously before undertaking that sort of punishment for kids! The fear of a spanking should be the prime motivator, not the spanking itself.