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Embattled former Enron CEO Kenneth Lay, attempting to protect his personal
finances from shareholder lawsuits and IRS tax liens, has taken the unusual step of
declaring moral bankruptcy, according to a spokesman for Mr. Lay.

"Mr. Lay has been morally bankrupt for some time," said David Wharton, a member
of the Lay legal team. "All this move does is make Mr. Lay a sleazebag in the eyes of
the law."

While declaring moral bankruptcy would be an unusual step for most Americans to
take, it is a legal tool widely used by swindlers, chiselers and lying scumbags, legal
experts say.

My. Lay's move may have been inspired by recent difficulties he encountered while
filling out his 2001 tax returns, particularly his failure to produce the receipt for an
$8.9 million dollar lunch he enjoyed at an Applebee's restaurant in Springfield, MO.

The Applebee's deduction set off alarms at the IRS, with auditors noting that the
amount seemed "extraordinarily high" for a restaurant that offers an all-you-can-eat
salad bar and free refills of Sprite.

In addition, the IRS questioned Mr. Lay's inclusion on his return of nineteen different
dependents, many of whose names, such as "Spot" and "Fluffy," raised eyebrows at
the federal tax agency.

When challenged by the IRS, Mr. Lay and his wife Linda said that they could not
recall whether the dependents were in fact children or were merely mammals, but
said they would look into the matter "as soon as possible."

Further complicating Mr. Lay's tax situation, sources say, are the capital gains that
resulted from the sale, in early 2001, of Mr. Lay's soul.

JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, a former president of the Harvard Lampoon, is a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author, most recently, of "Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy Investor's Guide to Day Trading" and "Rationalizations to Live By". Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.