Active Self Compassion – what is it?

Every year there is a new pop-psychology catch-phrase that takes the world by storm. A few years ago it was ‘mindfulness’, then ‘wellness’, and now it seems to be ‘self-care’.

In many ways I love that we are building these words into our language and everyday living. However, I think it is important that we really understand what they mean, otherwise we run the risk of dismissing them as nonsense, or we can end up thinking we already do them and miss out on the true benefits of their practices.

Self-care suggests that we have to prioritise ourselves equally to others, and take time to give to our selves what we need. At The Self Centre we work quite frequently with people to help them increase their daily habits of self-care.

One very important part, if not the most important part of ‘self-care’ is practicing ‘active self-compassion’. Research suggests that people who use self-compassion have better emotional coping skills.

So what is ‘self-compassion’?

In a nutshell self-compassion is actively being kind to ourselves both in how we treat and how we think about ourselves. Self-Compassion has been shown to be a powerful way to achieve emotional well-being in our lives.

Self compassion asks us to actively nurture ourselves, to offer forgiveness when we struggle or make a mistake, and to be kind to ourselves. For example, its catching our own thoughts of self-critique, such as Im so silly, I need to be better, what is wrong with me, and offering ourselves a moment to acknowledge the hurt that we feel and then saying someone like “of course I feel this way, or of course I made a mistake, I’m human and its ok.” This act of mindfulness acknowledges the hurt, attends to it, and then offers kind forgiveness to ourselves.

Often when I work with people on ‘self-compassion’ at The Self Centre I hear them say they worry this means they have to lower their standards for themselves or only be positive. Self-compassion does not ask us to ‘not care’, or ‘become complacent’ or become ‘blind optimists’. It asks us to notice when we are suffering, and offer ourselves a compassionate response rather than a critical one wherever we can. “Self compassion helps lessen the hold of negative emotions” but it does not eliminate them. Self compassion allows us to respond to pain, rather than react, refuse, or reject pain.

Research shows that when we are critical of ourselves we aggravate the fight or flight response in our brain and send our bodies into stress mode. We can see that self-compassion offers us the opposite response. Self-compassion allows us to feel attended to, calm, safe. It offers us healing, and it builds resilience.

Self-compassion is a very helpful tool for building self-esteem, emotional resilience, healing pain, and building overall wellbeing. However it can be a very tricky concept to understand. Self-compassion asks us to acknowledge our suffering and pain. You do not have to suffer alone, we are here to support you. If you would like to learn more about self-compassion and how it could fit into your life please call The Self Centre.

(Written by Lyndsay Babcock for The Self Centre 2018. Credit to Dr Kristen Neff and her wonderful book called “Self-Compassion”.)

]]>We have a New namehttps://selfcentre.com.au/wp/blog/we-have-a-new-name/
Wed, 28 Nov 2018 13:53:48 +0000https://selfcentre.com.au/wp/?p=390The post We have a New name appeared first on Self Centre.
]]>

We have a New name

From December 2018, Lyndsay Babcock Psychology will be known as: The Self Centre.

WHY THE CHANGE?

As you probably know, there are now a few practitioners who work here, and changing our name, to one that reflects a group practice, felt important to me. Choosing a new name is always so hard, and it took me quite some time to settle on a name that I liked. I wanted a name that reflected what I hope we offer, and one that also has room for us all to grow into. I chose our new name because I hope that our space is a place where people come to take care of and nourish their ‘self’, where they can feel comfortable being themselves, and/or where they can build a better relationship with their ‘self’.

CHANGE IS HEALTHY

While our name is different, we mostly remain the same. We are still located in the same beautiful space at 106/545 Pacific Hwy in St Leonards, our services will remain the same. Our lovely Psychologists Sharmila, Carey, Kristina and Lyndsay are all still here. For us to be healthy we have to change, grow, and be flexible, so watch this space for more nourishing and exiting things to come (all in good time).

CONTACT US

If you have any questions, or would like to book an appointment please be in touch. Our phone number remains 0403 215 118, and you can email reception at enquiries@selfcentre.com.au We also have a new website: www.selfcentre.com.au – please come visit us! We have new email addresses but rest assured that messages sent to old accounts will automatically be forwarded to our new address until everyone is used to the changes.

Why Your Feelings Matter – and What to Do About Them

It may sound like a cliche, but “how does that make you feel?” is a very important question that we psychologists often ask. There are several reasons why understanding your feelings is so important, both in therapy and in life.

Firstly, your feelings are like your own GPS, they give you feedback about where you are at, in real time, in your life right now. Your feelings reflect your experience of life and give you clues to understanding yourself. Your feelings are the best barometer you can have when making an important decision in life, because your feelings don’t lie. How often have you had a gut feeling in the pit of your stomach about a person or a situation, that you overrode with your rational mind, only to regret it later? The best way to make a difficult decision is to tune into your body and notice your feelings. If you feel calm and relaxed, it is a sure sign to go ahead with that choice. If you feel stressed, tight or anxious about a decision, it’s worth delaying your decision until you can make sense of why it doesn’t feel right for you.

Second, when you ignore your feelings or avoid them, you might find they become more intense and explosive, or that you start to feel stuck or numb. Ideally when you first become aware of an emotion, it’s good to recognise it and just sit with it for a while, whether it’s anger, guilt, sadness or anxiety. Acknowledge it, even though you may be tempted to push it away, or distract yourself. Repressing your emotions will only cause them to bubble up and explode later, resulting in more difficult emotions or even a complete emotional shutdown. Listen to your difficult emotions. They are your wake-up call in relation to some aspect of your life. The longer you ignore them, the louder they get!

Finally your feelings fluctuate over time, so regardless of how uncomfortable or upset you feel now, they will pass. By allowing yourself the space to notice your emotions with compassion, you may find that they dissipate, change or completely evaporate. To support this process, ask yourself: “What am I feeling now? Where do I notice this in my body? What do I need now? Once your feelings have calmed down, consider what triggered this emotion.Perhaps you had a stressful day at the office or an argument with your partner. Maybe your own thoughts of self-doubt are making you nervous. Giving yourself the time and space to explore your feelings, is one of the foundations to growing your self-awareness and emotional intelligence, as well as boosting your wellbeing.

If you would like to learn more about your unique feelings and what they are trying to tell you, then our team of psychologists at Lyndsay Babcock Psychology can support you. We offer a range of treatment modalities designed to facilitate your growth, self-awareness and wellbeing. Call us now to book in a free, confidential phone assessment.