Dreams, desires, disappointments

second chances

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As cliche as it sounds, you have to admit that it’s undeniably true. We’ve all had experiences from the past of people hurting us, right? And at that time, the most definite course of action is to let that person have a taste of his/her medicine and just completely shut that person out from our lives – well, in most cases that is. But here comes another phrase we’re all too familiar with :

Forgive and forget.

How often we are able to forgive but how it is almost impossible to forget one’s wrongdoings toward us. Especially if that person has hurt you countless times over and over again. It’s just like stacking up dominos : as the stacking gets higher and higher up until it eventually loses its balance, everything will collapse and leave a huge mess; as the faults pile up, we’ll eventually reach our tipping point where we just explode and are left there trying to pick up the pieces of our shattered hearts.

Sometimes things are easier said than done. What if the faults they did upon us were to painful to even just think about, that maybe they don’t deserve a second chance? They should just bear with the consequences because they deserved it; they let it happen to them; they should probably just rot together with their sins. But what if they’ve truly changed for the better? What if they are no longer the same person they were before?

I have stood and watched my dad picked himself up when he was offered his second chance – his chance to make up for what he did before; his chance of raising another family. Even though I wasn’t there to witness his downfall years before he had me – I have heard of my dad’s stories failures countless times from my mom to my aunts and uncles – and he is indeed trying his very best now in so many ways. There are also a number of friends that have walked out on me over the past few years and though it is impossible for me to forget what they’ve done, I forgave them. But the scars they’ve put on me are still evidently there and I am occasionally revisited with the memories that caused them.

Then there was my other ‘friend’. He was my first love. I admit that I loved him deeply at the time, but what I couldn’t see that time as I was blinded with the bright red aura called love, was how he treated me. I hated myself for falling for him. He was anything but nice, loving, wonderful – go ahead and insert any other positive adjectives because I’m telling you, he’s not even the slightest bit close to any of them. We lasted for a solid one year (I have no idea how). I guess the reason why I was attracted to him in the first place was because he was so mysterious and yet so charming and pretty hot. The STOP sign was obvious as it was plastered all over his body from head to toe. But I fell anyway, because he “welcomed” me. It started out great at first. Few months later, I realized he was not the guy I would want to continue being with but I couldn’t stop myself. He was still the same hot mysterious guy I knew but I was much aware he had such wicked intentions. It was a long process – the relationship – but he broke up with me right after our first year of being together; only to come running back to me after a week passed by. I firmly said ‘no’ and was proud of it. It took me two years to finally let it go. Now, we’re still kinda sorta friends. Second chance. And I can’t help but realize that he has ultimately changed for the better. He has a new girlfriend now and I’m happy for him. I hope he treats her – or any other lady in the future – the way they should be treated.