British newspapers are reporting that the Foreign Office has plans to evacuate British expats from Spain and Portugal in the event that both debt-loaded Iberian nations go bust.

It’s sometimes said that the wisest guidance for diplomats is “imagine the unimaginable.” Well, the Brits seem to have exceeded themselves in this department.

Looking at Europe from the detachment of their desks in London’s Foreign Office, some officials have decided that the euro will be stricken by the insolvency of whole nations.

The main focus of their concern is Spain, where a million Brits live (it’s amazing what moving just 600 miles south of England can do for the climate). British newspapers are reporting that the Foreign Office has plans to evacuate these expats (and others in Portugal) in the event that both debt-loaded Iberian nations go bust.

The reasoning is that, as banks fail from runs on their meager reserves, mortgages will be in jeopardy and cash will dry up, leaving hundreds of thousands of Brits destitute.

To me, this seems hysterical—in both senses of the word.

First, the Spanish themselves would, presumably, face the same consequences and emergency measures would keep the banks operating.

Second, that huge population of Brits is essential to the economies of the regions in which they live—predominantly along the Mediterranean coasts—and their departure would be catastrophic, far greater in its impact than a devalued euro. Third, many expats, including some who are friends of mine, keep their savings and pensions in British accounts and draw on them as needed.

This whole story smacks of the worst kind of official butt-covering by people who, in the past, have been tardy in evacuating Brits from truly dangerous situations— in Libya, for example. Most dangerous of all—and in this it is woefully inept diplomacy—the Foreign Office plan simply serves to spread panic and run the risk of being self-fulfilling.

It reflects a mindset that was once nicely enshrined in a quote attributed to a particularly dim-witted British monarch, George V, who said “abroad is a nasty place.”

Afterthought: If you want a delicious taste of the expat Brit life in Spain, rent the movie Sexy Beast.