Did you guys had fun with the April's Fool edition? Well, we at the Newsletter Team hope so!, but HighlanderAttack still looking at the points and he PM'ed me asking where the f*** they are! Keep looking for them amigo… (that was a joke , yes not a funny one )

We've got a some good stuff for this edition of "War Games" including the first article of our new volunteer sonicsteve, a "Beginners guide to hosting a CC tournament."

The Clan section focuses on the Newcomers Cup, Conqueror's Cup 2, and the 1on1 challenge, while the Cartography section also have a new writer volunteer: OliverFA, and he will be discussing the map "Feudal War".

We hope you can find all this information helpful and interesting for you.

Nagerous is busy with real-life for now, so the Mess Hall is a bit barren. With not even a cook around, we have had to survive on coffee and donuts. The Canadians are holding out as they are used to the diet, but everyone else is too lethargic to publish. However, our awesome team have made sure to bring you a high-quality section nonetheless. With SIX GAMES recruiting, now is the time to check out the Scum Insider for the latest mafia news and an in-depth look at a deductive fallacy known as the WIFOM argument. Also returning in this issue is the Random Game Analysis. For the first time ever it's not a 2-player game. FInally The Saxlad introduces a place which may be completely new to you - the international forums. Don't forget to check out the ever-popular Interrogation Room as the CC community grills TOFU's jakewilliams.

Welcome to a new era of Random Game Analysis: Now with more players! I have changed the algorithm I use to randomize slightly. We are therefore almost guaranteed to not get a 2-player game again. The game in question started with a surprise after the manual deployment. Almost all the players stacked largely in the eastern half of the map. With my own experience with Alexander's Empire, the east is far bloodier in the early portions of the game. Aragonlar played a notably different strategy, one that isn't as common on CC as it is in casual RISK. He distributed his troops widely, and made a good claim on a large continent bonus - one of the largest on CC. Perhaps because nobody expects someone to stake a claim on Antigonus by turn 3 (turn 2 of gameplay), nobody bothered defending against it.

If nobody predicted it, that certainly didn't stop Craig82 from reacting to it. He not only broke the bonus, but also cut out his own little slice of the map in Armenia. Even with major troop losses though, it wasn't long before Aragonlar took Antigonus back. While this battle was raging in Macedonia Captain Sid was negotiating troop movements and treatys. He successfully predicted by now that Aragonlar would be the player to watch and that all alliances would be against him. The single border alliance and the against someone alliance are the two most interesting types as they are very rarely ever enough. The powerful player can merely tone himself down until the alliance is over and then pick up the scraps as the former friends tear each other apart. This was not exactly the case here, but close enough.

By this point, the map had taken on an oddly ahistorical layout. Green was representative of the armies of Antigonus. The Selucids are pink in this ahistory. Also, the Armenians are most able to provide a direct threat to Antigonus. The Mauryans are blue. However, in a brilliant analogy to the way Western societies at the time would rape Eastern cultures and then leave them; the Mauryan player would become an afterthought to the rest of the world.

The battle lines would shift of course. The Selucids, knowing full well that Antigonus was the threat, pushed hard. Aragonlar had a luxury that nobody in the actual battle would have had. He simply pulled back, right into Ptolemy's territory. Now the central territories were available for battle but the West was the fallback point. It was also the fallback point for RUBENIUSSS who had been stockpiling an army in the Caspian Sea. The merfolk were preparing for battle.

Finally, the battle seemed at an impasse. A Selucian/Ptolemiac alliance resulted in a breaking of the treaty between pink and blue. This was not technically a backstab, but it was the biggest mistake made in the game. At that moment the game was decided. India had fallen.Even though in retrospect the battle was won at this point, the board positioning must have seemed so fuzzy to the players involved at the time. With Maurya down, the Egyptians turned towards Armenia. This would not have been as successful as it was if it wasn't for the release of the troops from the Caspian. They ripped towards India and started to regroup there which took Selucid's forces out of the fray for just long enough. Sure, Armenia made a swipe through the Mediterranean, but it wasn't enough. Egypt was just too strong.

The forces of Ptolemy met up with the forces of Kassander. Now victory was foreseeable by anyone present. All the other armies fell. Historically of course, the armies also all fell from a Western menace as they wasted time infighting. The Romans would sweep through most of the areas here. Interestingly enough, Alexander himself also swept from the West. Ideally reason and prosperity will infect the region from the West now. Let's hope that the revolutions in Egypt will spread like the armies of Aragonlar.

NEXT TIME:A surprise. Pm me if you have any comments on the analysis or if you have any points about the next game.

Newbie HelpWant to get into the Mafia scene, but don't know how to play or even what it is? Consult these threads: Mafia Information, Mafia and You, and Rules and Terms of Mafia.Too much work? Too lazy to read through everything? No worries, you can always jump right into a game and ask for other players or the game runner to help guide you.

What is "Mafia"?Mafia, for those of you that don't know, is a game that generally takes place in a town, where the townspeople have to determine who the mafia (or "scum") is and lynch them via a majority vote during the day and the mafia try to kill everyone at night and bluff their way out of getting killed by the town.

Mafia NewsWell, it seems the Mafia Forum and Forum Games are expecting a makeover from what I've heard With any luck, our fine forum will be dazzling our Conquer Clubbers in a speedy-like manner

Mafia CalloutsCalling all players interested! Some mafia games need some filling:

This week, we will be discussing a strategy that is best known as "circular logic".

The WIFOM Argument

What is it?The WIFOM argument comes from a scene in the movie The Princess Bride where two wine glasses are offered. The problem is essentially trying to figure out if your wine glass is the poisoned one or your enemy's wine glass is poisoned. You might think that the obvious choice would be your glass, but maybe your enemy thought of that too and poisoned his own. But maybe you think that he knows that you think he wouldn't poison the obvious one and he really poisoned yours....

Example

Let's say there is a confirmed cop, an unknown doctor, and mafia still in the game. Now, who would the mafia kill? They might think that the doctor will protect the cop, and therefore kill someone else. However, the doctor might think that they would use this logic, and protect someone else; possibly preventing a night kill. However, maybe the mafia think that the doctor would do this, thus making the cop unprotected.

How to Spot this Strategy

A good rule of thumb in mafia is that town tend to be more talkative than mafia members. The reasoning is that the more you talk, the more likely you are to accidentally reveal something that you shouldn't know; making a lynch of mafia much easier. However, some mafia members will be very talkative deliberately so it casts doubt on whether they are mafia or not. Therefore, it is usually WIFOM to base the decision on whether to lynch someone or not based solely on amount of activity.

Often, speculating on what might happen in future nights is WIFOM if it involves guessing what the mafia would do. By laying out what you think mafia would do, you set up a situation where mafia might do the opposite, thus possibly messing up any protections the town might have, or do exactly what you predicted, which would possibly make you look suspicious. Either way, the safest way to avoid making WIFOM arguments is to go by what happened in previous nights and not guessing at what might happen in future nights.

Hallo, Bienvenue, Ciao! You guessed it’s the international forums, there for our bi, tri or even Multi friends. No, not that type of Multi silly, the Multi-Lingual Type. All in all there are 10 Forums ranging from Italian Language, to Dutch language, to Spanish and even Danish!!! Admittedly some have been more used and Influential than others, but they still aren’t being used as much as they should, and it would be great for more people to use it, so get on there 

The Forum I’m going to focus on in this is the Spanish language Forum or "Club de Conquista" as it’s is known by its residents.

Jricart wrote:"Club de Conquista" is the Spanish speaking community in Conquer Club International Forums. We are in first place on international forums with number of topics and 3rd in number of post.

We are the community that leads in terms of International Tournaments Created with 39 so far. I’m the one with most International Tournaments Launched and completed. Here is the list of International Tournament Organizers:

Right now, we are in the process of a restructuring the International Forums (Spanish, Dutch and Italian) and each of those 3 forums now have their own Sub-Forums for: Tournaments, Callouts and Q&A.

The Spanish Language forum is the forum for all you Spanish speakers out there, And there’s so much going on there at the moment as well. Jricart, the Dispatch’s own Tournament Executive, Entertainment Mod and International Mod alike has a big reputation in these parts. At the moment he is hosting his very own Tournament for Spanish speakers, Ultimo Hispano en Pie 3, which roughly translates as the Ultimate Spanish Player 3, (I think, Google Translate wasn’t too good on this one…) anyway, he had this to say about his Tournament:

AoG: Why are the Red Sox so much better than the Oreos?relatedLV: why is everyone so much better than the O's?how many games behind are the o's going to be at the end of the season, between 20-40?

A: Along with many fans, I blame Peter Angelos and his involvement with the running of the team. Think of Jerry Jones, but dumber and uglier. With the relocation of the Expos to Washington, their casual fan base has diminished, meaning smaller income. They have continued to spend money on marginal free agents (Albert Belle, Tejada the second time, possibly Derrek Lee this year) while not having a strong farm system, so the team has been fairly crappy, leading to less profit, leading to no good free agents wanting to sign there.

Sully:Math, cookies, or Army of GOD?

A: Assuming the question is "which would you choose", the answer is difficult. Cookies have increased my circumference to height ratio, so I should choose math. I'll give my cookies to Seulessliathan instead. If the question is "which is most annoying" then the answer is pretty clear.

Three CC thugs kidnap your wife and child(ren). In order to get them back, you must sacrifice three mods. Who do you choose and why?

A: The three on my foe list of course.

rds: What map in production would/are you rooting for?

A: The only one I really care about is First Nations by Tisha, since I love the originals, this is the first super-sized map, and I have to mention Tisha somewhere in this interview. I'm watching Northwest Passage (go go shakeycat!), Golf Du St Laurent, Conquer 500, and Baseball but not as closely as First Nations. [edit: FN quenched since my original answer. Congrats!]

eddie2: what would your wife say if she found out about your 2nd facebook account.

A: What second facebook account? I don't know what you're talking about. I would never hide anything from my wife.

Insom:Are your balls feeling better yet, snipsnap?

A: Come and find out.

When was the last TOFUer interviewed?

A: trapyoung is the last (and only other TOFUer) to go through the interview process. His interview lasted from 23 Dec 2010 to 5 Jan 2011 and was posted on 18 Jan 2011 in CC Dispatch issue 41.

Sex or THOTA?

A: Sex while slamming THOTA on the forums. Not while beating them because we haven't proven ourselves yet by beating a top clan.

How many licks DOES it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?related (Pedro): Have you grasped cockney Rhyming slang?

A: I don't swing that way (not that there's anything wrong with that).

When you get to the middle, do you eat the brown goo?

A: I make her get an 'operation' first.

If you could ask anybody one question, what would it be?

A: Does Marcellus Wallace look like a bitch?

Would you want to know the answer?

A: Why the f*ck would I ask if I didn't want to know?

sirsebstar:Can you think of a good and funny insightful question? And if so can you awnser it (and let us know the question)?

A: I barely do my job - you think I'm going to do your job and think of a question?

Iron Maid: Which question would you really want to answer?

A: "Will you forgive me?" from the people named in my sig.

What dead celebrity would you like to have sex with?

A: Audrey Hepburn.

So apparently necrophilia doesn't bother you?

A: To each their own, I'm pretty easy-going.

Do you poo on company time?

A: Yes, breaks are part of my compensation package, since I am a salaried employee.

Would you prefer fools gold, or gold fools?

A: Gold fools, because I can melt them down and sell them.

Do you play video games?

A: Yes.

Besides the obvious (Super Mario), what's the best video game franchise of all time?

A: By best, I do not mean most popular, I mean my personal favorite. Nethack. Yes, that's right - Nethack. I started playing the very early source for Nethack (simply called Hack because there was no net, just BBSs and shareware disks sent through physical mail) on my 8086. I rediscovered it a few years ago and start up a new game every so often. I can't count how many different computers/OS loads it has gone through.

Do you have a car? What kind is it?

A: I have two cars. My daily driver is a 1999 Mitsubishi Eclipse GS-T (where the T is TURBO). My wife's is a 2005 Ford Freestyle SE (aka The Family Truckster).

A: Like in the dirt and leaves? No. I have gone in a camper in the woods and at a campground toilet, but never out in nature.

Do you have any regrets?

A: Too many to list, so I'll make a partial list, all CC related. Not joining CC on the day it was launched (I'm sure I was online and bored that day). Not double checking Chariot of Fire's gamecount. Opening the email that InsomniaRed forwarded me after I swore I wouldn't. squishyg not asking me any questions in this interview.

Do you have any secrets? If you told them to nagerous, would he laugh, or what?

A: Everyone has secrets. I'm pretty sure he knows most of my secrets already, at least the juicy ones. He may laugh at how tame my secrets are though.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: To get away from the cows.

If everything tastes like chicken, what does chicken taste like?

A: I disagree that everything tastes like chicken, therefore I cannot answer this question.

trap:(dupe with Joshy) Favorite player?

A: Well this has got to be the most difficult question to answer. Assuming I can only choose one, it has to be jpeter15. My first interaction with him was wondering what the hell he was doing in TOFU (hehe), then we got stuck together in an AoR2 dubs in CL2 and literally spent an hour talking over a key turn. We don't have the best record together as teammates (that's probably me and Dako) but I greatly enjoy all my games with him. Plus he's an Orioles fan, we have to stick together.

related (SirSeb)Who or what are your favorite fellows/mods/teamplayers/clanmembers/social clan?

A: All the fellows are great - we are a very loose clan with very few set teams, so I've played with all the other fellows and enjoy it greatly. They're who I play with most often, although I certainly don't exclusively play with clan members. Games with anyone that I regularly talk to in chat are fun because our gamechat is typically very casual.

A: TOFU vs ID, as it was our first one and they were willing to lose to a brand new clan.

Least favorite clan war?

A: * vs KORT.

How many times have you balled up a tremendous plan by COF?

A: Just one time I think. WWII Ardennes quads escalating, totally missed a kill on a teammate to get his cards, totally bolloxed up his whole plan. I'm surprised he didn't kick me out of TOFU after that turn. How many times has he questioned my moves? More times than I can count.

Does your bitch still jump on the couch?

A: No, I got rid of her. Pay attention!

natty: What are you doing?

A: Answering inane questions

Pirlo: who's the worst live chat regular?

A: jakewilliams, the horny slimeball. Go get laid and stop flirting with everyone, you loser.

Joshy:Which is better... CC or sex?

A: Sex with CC players.

What is the accomplishment you are most proud of on CC?

A: Besides being in the #1 clan on CC, I'd have to say getting my gold crossmap without really trying. That shows the diversity of games I play.

Who is your favourite personality on CC?

A: eddie2. You wonder if he's serious or just taking the piss, and realize that even he may not know the difference.

Cali: at what point does CPR become necrophilia?

A: It's when you put your penis in the corpse. Until then it's necrophorplay.

Mr_Adams:Have you ever had a rocky mountain oyster? Would you like to?

A: No. Yes, I would try one (and I'm not joking).

Why did you feed the Bush administration false information about Iraq?

A: Don't blame me for Condi Rice's mistakes.

Rodion:Young Brett Favre or Aaron Rodgers?

A: Hmm, it's early to make the call, but I'm going to say probably Rodgers. Brett was ALWAYS a gunslinger, and it doesn't look like Rodgers is going to be like that. With Brett, you had the feeling that he could win the game as easily as lose it.

Favorite rivalry: Bears or Vikings?

A: Vikings so I can make fun of InsomniaRed and Sackett58 when they lose.

danryan: WWBD? Are you sure?

A: I fully support hardballs.

khaz: on a scale of 1-10, how much does live chat suck?

A: Assuming 1 is fully sucking and 10 is awesomesauce, I'd say over an 8 hour stretch the average is probably a 3. There is usually at least one moment per day it's a 10, so it's worth it to me.

is thinking of 8.5 on the sucking scale whetting your famously insatiable appetite?

A: Depends on who is doing the sucking.

40kguy: Can you guys interview me next time?

A: Who are you and why are you interrupting my moment in the spotlight? Oh wait, you're the guy who thinks dropping Figye in AoR2 dubs is a good idea. We should interview you to figure out why you think that.

Streaker: If you have to choose a single experience from your life, that you can repeat once. What would it be, and why?related: (bedub) If you could do anything over again, would you?

A: Yes. I would choose to redo some things the same way they happened, and others I would like to change. My top moment to redo and change would be when my mom asked me if I wanted to continue at public school or return to homeschooling. I chose the former, but with I would have chosen the latter. To relive it would have to be my honeymoon. That was the best week I ever had.

Sex, or winning CCup 2?

A: Sex while RTing the decisive game.

Cali/Insom:boxers or briefs or neither?

A: boxer briefs during the day (http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_hQfQR7kkPwg/T ... 20copy.jpg) and nothing at night (image removed by nagerous for his personal use).

chemefreak: I'm tired of these damn TOFU interviews...aren't their any other players on this site?

A: Yes, but nagerous asked me before my 4th was born if I was interested, and I kept pestering him to interview me again. Plus TOFUers have the most fun while kicking the most ass.

jackal31:if there was something to change about CC, what would it be?relatedHow would you rearrange CC if it was your business?

A: There are quite a few things I'd change/do, and some of them have been done in the past. First I would revamp the moderation staff (of course). I would teach the moderators that it's ok to admit that you're wrong sometimes. I would make it a rule that if a moderator is posting on the forum and/or interacting in live chat outside of their department, there should not be any expectations of behavior above and beyond what a normal user has. Just because you moderate one area of the website, that shouldn't mean you can't feel free to be yourself or express your opinion in other areas of the website. I would enable multiple new ways to pay for premium (via text message for one) and allow monthly/quarterly purchase of premium (at a steep markup, like $5-$10). I would actually spend my time programming updates to the website and have a monthly or quarterly "update day" where something new would come out. I would set up a voting system so the community could help decide which items should be added next. I would work on ways to ensure that the 95% (or whatever) of CC players that don't use the forums have their voices heard on potential updates/changes to the site. I would add Adjacent Attacks as a gaming option (https://www.conquerclub.com/forum/viewt ... 35&t=51364).

Who do you think is best Risk player (provide a definition)?

I have only played Risk once in the past 15 years or so... but as far as Conquer Club goes, it is Chariot of Fire. His ability to see what will happen 4+ moves into the future is amazing, and he can plan out an attack that takes a while to implement but all comes together just as he planned. The time he puts into planning his moves and making suggestions for the team is great. He's also a great standard escalating player.

elf: If you could have sex (real sex here... not the "sweet there is no one else in chat but us" kinda sex) with anyone from your clan and not get caught would you and with whom?related (Insom): Is this a serious question?

A: I assume it was the wine talking, knowing elf. To answer the question, yes I would. I've always had a thing for a Scottish accent...

owen: jake, as a former mod, can you please explain why some mods are allowed to troll, bait and continually break site rules without any repercussions?

A: When the admin with the most public face trolls and continually breaks site rules in regards to going off topic, of course the other moderators will follow suit. Unfortunately, the ones that he doesn't like are not allowed to get away with it on a regular basis.

trini: Which do you prefer, pindakaas, beeshit or mayo?

A: Mayo makes the best lubricant. It's not very pleasant to eat by itself, for that I prefer pindakaas.

What influenced your decision to join a clan?

A: I was tired of playing with random crap partners, and wanted to play with some decent players. I lucked out

A: I was looking for an online dating site with games to play while you were bored, and this fit the bill.

Tea or Coffee?

A: Hot chocolate

If you had a choice would you have stopped at 1, 2 or 3 kids instead?

A: I honestly told my wife after each child that I was fine stopping. Best would have been 2 I think, we would have had a lot more options available to us as far as vehicles, houses, and camping.

Rain, Snow or Sun?

A: Snow overnight, Sun during the day, and rain after dark.

Sea or Lake?

A: Lake, I prefer fresh water.

What's your favorite Music Band/Singer? Song? Album?

A: Rush. Red Barchetta. Album is a tough call. Do you go for an album with some amazing songs (such as 2112 by Rush) but that has at least one song you don't like, one that has stood the test of time (Bat Out of Hell by Meatloaf) or one that you can listen to multiple times, which has been a major influence on an entire genre of music (Ten by Pearl Jam)?

Do you dance at work often?

A: I groove in my chair, it's not quite dancing but it's close. It's hard not to when you get a song with a great dance beat on.

How often do you watch porn at work?related Have you ever gotten caught watching porn at work?

A: They have things locked down well here, and it's immediate dismissal if you're caught, so I don't take the chance.

Have you ever gotten caught working at work?

A: A few times unfortunately. As much as I try to avoid it, sometimes it catches me.

How old is your goat farm?

A: I don't have any kids there.

sonic:Who are the top five TOFU players to be interviewed and why is there no thread celebrating it for historical reasons?

A: Unfortunately I only know of three TOFU interviews so far - trapyoung in the dispatch, InsomniaRed in our forum, and me. Mine's the worst obviously. There is no thread because TOFU does not have any glory-seeking forumgoers.

If you could swap places with another CCer for a week, who would it be and why?

A: jpeter15. I've always wanted to be a spy.

What website would you be on if cc wasn't here?

A: I probably would have gotten hooked on some of the really stupid facebook games... or continued spending time on Webkinz. That's right, Webkinz.

sirsebstar:who is jakewilliams?

A: A living embodiment of knowledge and sexuality.

Why do you keep comming back for more CC after getting cut down in the forums?

A: I like the abuse, and put myself up for being cut down.

Why is the moon made of cheese and do you do the illuminati dance?

A: So Wallace and Gromit could go there.

How does CC compute to real life?

A: I'm a lot different in real life than I am on CC... much more introverted. If I met someone from CC in real life though, I think I'd be the same person I am on the forums/MSN/live chat. I'm a lot looser once I get to know you.

Do you have a real life and if so why, eh i mean what?

A: I work in IT, contracted to a government aerospace agency. Since I'm government, I have no work, that's why I'm always on here.

Dako:Who was the first guy that taught you to deploy by 1's in fog games?

A: Almost definitely Chariot of Fire

Who was you first true friend and mate on CC?

A: Slowreactor. He was premium but had really really REALLY crappy internet, so he couldn't play speed games. Instead he hung out in live chat and played realtime games (use the Callouts tab, not Social or Help!). We played some games together, then started playing RT dubs games, and won a tourney together.

How long did it take to get social on the forums since you joined CC?

A: Join date: Dec 01, 2008; First post: Jan 28, 2009 (so about two months to first post). I had a few posts, then started joining tournies in April 2009. On May 19, 2009 I started looking at clans and soon after started being active on the forum (in Help and maps). So it took me about 6 months to really get active on the forums.

How does your wife view your CC addiction?

A: I'm not sure that hate is a strong enough word. I find time to take my turns on the weekend, but am rarely on the forums.

Do your co-workers know about CC? Does any of them play here?

A: They know that I play a game, and one person asked about CC, but I'm pretty sure nobody I know plays here. My brother in law joined, but never made it out of the new recruit stage.

Have you met any other CC player in person? Did you want to punch them?

A: Not yet, but I'm hopeful to meet some of my clanmates and/or live chat cohorts at some point in my life. I'm not a violent person, even if I visited Croatia.

Do you have any advice for josko and bruce, honest and sincere?

A: For both of them, I think they need to sit down with someone who can point out how their posts come across as arrogant and condescending, and help them word their thoughts better so they better explain what they are thinking without being so arrogant. Josko's may partially be due to the language barrier, and Bruce's usually seems because he is terse in his posts, and maybe if he took more time to write them, they would seem more level-headed and not so arrogant.

What is you favorite browser for surfing net?

A: I use Firefox 90% of the time, but do enjoy Chrome. I haven't spent time customizing Chrome with all the add-ons/extras I have for Firefox (and I'd miss some of my greasemonkey scripts) so I doubt I'll totally switch over. Thankfully we only have one web app that requires IE at work, so I almost never run that anymore.

Do you watch porn alone or with your wife *wink wink*?

A: According to my wife, watching porn is cheating. So what do you think?

Have you ever got drunk that much that you friends carried you home and the tale they have told you afterwards was unimaginable and contained some of the following words "table, psycho-dance, uber cool, throw up, and then you/he went crazy, no one expected that"? Can you retell this story please?

A: I can't remember the last time I was drunk, and the last time I was THAT drunk, I'm afraid to know the story (plus it was in college and I don't know any of the people anymore). I'm a pretty boring person, it comes with 10 years of marriage and 4 kids.

What do you think about education system of the states? Can you compare it to any other education system you know and prefer over yours?

A: I assume you mean primary (K-12) educational system, not secondary system. Overall, I'm fairly meh on it. The administration focuses too much on getting money from the government instead of educating children. This means that they worry more about making sure children attend school and do well on tests than actually learn. They also cut out enrichment/optional classes to focus on the core classes. I personally hate how the entire class is kept back when one person doesn't get it - children learn at their own pace and should be in an environment that is stimulating, not suffocating. I've only dealt firsthand with two different systems in the US so I can't say what would be better. I just know that the US system sucks, that's why my kids aren't in it.

How many languages do you know? Which one do you want to learn next (if you want to) and why?

A: I'm fluent in English (of course) and am a hack in Spanish. I'm teaching my oldest Spanish right now, and am hoping to become fluent in it along with her. Spanish is a great language to learn with the increasing Hispanic population of the US, plus it's really easy for me to teach/relearn since I took classes in high school and college. I'd like to learn a bit of French eventually (for when I visit) and am open to learning any other languages. I don't know many people IRL that speak languages other than Spanish, so it would be hard to practice with a native speaker.

Hi again amigos and welcome to your favorite part of the Newsletter, "War Games", where you can find information about CC Tournaments.

On this release of War Games, we have Dukasaur's Meet the Tournament Winners article featuring an interview with sparkyball.

Sonicsteve is providing his first ever article for the newsletter: Beginners guide to hosting a CC tournament , Angola the "TPA Update", and Soldierboy is giving us an update about new tournaments in his "Join This? or Not!" release.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and we hope you like our section.

On February 15th, sparkyball won his very first Tournament Cup in the King Edmund the Just tourney, which was first posted on November 28th, 2010. This was one of many tournaments run by tokle. Tokle has 30 tournaments to his credit, most of them with a historical theme, such the Alternate History of Iberia, the Prince of Wales series, and other series based on the dynastic successions in Scotland and France. King Edmund the Just was part of the Kings of England series.

Greetings, sparkyball, and thank you for agreeing to talk with me about your tournament win. What attracted you to this particular tournament?

A couple of things. I like the England map that it was played on and that it was a smaller tournament. I also enjoyed the set up with it being 3 player single elimination and flat rate. Made it so it was a quick tourney up until the finals. It was a fun tournament that also took some skill, being 3 player and flat rate.

This was your very first tournament win. Was that an exciting moment, winning your first? And did you do anything special to celebrate?

Yes, I was very excited to win my first tournament, especially with some of the great players I had to get through to win it. And lol no, I didn't get a chance to do anything special to celebrate this win.

Do you find that playing a tournament that's all on one map makes you an expert on that map by the time it's over?

Might not make me an expert but I definitely feel like I know the map a lot better than I did before this tournament started. At this point I can definitely say that it is now one of my favorite maps.

What about interaction with other players? Did you make any new friends or new enemies in this tournament?

Definitely had a lot of interaction with HighlanderAttack and Jakes1 in the finals as we were all trying to stay alive and make sure no one pulled away for the win. Can't say I made new friends or enemies but definitely some new acquaintances and learned their style of play.

The final was actually a 3 person game with Highlanderattack, Jakes1 and me, where the first person to get 2 wins would become the overall winner. But there were multiple "OMG I messed up" moments and "just gave this game away" moments. Also multiple "we have to quickly work together to slow down the biggest guy so they don't take this whole tourney" moments.

So are you joining other tournaments now with more confidence?

Yes. I have been joining a lot more tournaments now, including a one vs one on the same map with the same tournament organizer.

How's that going?

Some good, some so so. In the 1 vs 1 tournament on the same map I just made it through the quarter finals waiting in the semi finals to see who I get to play to go to the finals.

So what are your major priorities on CC now? Are you focusing in any specific area?

Not really focusing on any areas right now. Real life has gotten pretty busy just trying to stay in a couple of games and tournaments. Have gone from 40 games to about 8 right now. Hope to get back going hard again soon. And than think I will be playing a lot more tournaments never really did now am starting to really enjoy them.

Thank you very much for taking the time to talk with me. Good luck in all your future endeavours!

The first tournament I want to talk about, the Trainee Triples VIII, is organized by DJ Teflon. Each team must have 7 Medals in Triples between them (examples: 1 Gold (3), 1 Silver (2), 1 Bronze (1); 3 Silver (6); 2 Gold (6), 1 No Medal). He is looking for 8 triples teams. All players must have fewer than 2,000 points at sign up and at least two players must have a bronze medal or no medal at all. If you are freemium he is letting you join as long as you have 2 free spots open. So if you have 1 bronze medal or no medal at all in triples you'd better hurry up and join before it fills up!

The next tournament I picked to discuss is organized by mcshanester29. MC"s The Terminator's Revenge # 2 will be for all the terminator game fans. He has a wide variety of maps for this tournament. To start off the first round he has picked American Civil War, Brazil, Alexander's Empire, and Italy. The semi finals will be played on Europe 1914, England, and Great Lakes. The final round will played on Midgard, Mexico,Feudal Epic, and Thyseneal. If there is a tie then the tie breaker will be played on Doodle Earth. The settings for this tournament will be terminator, automatic, freestyle, escalating, chained, and sunny. You'd better jump on it before it fills up!

The last tournament I picked is organized by 40kguy. DEDICATED TO KIRON will be played on the Waterloo map. The settings will be 8 player, standard, automatic, freestyle, flat rate, unlimited, and sunny. He is allowing freemiums to play in this tournament as well. If you like Waterloo and you are premium or freemium you might want to join this before it fills up!

I hope you join these wonderful tournaments and if you don't like any of these then go to the Create/Join a Tournaments or click Tournaments Tab at the top and look at the other tournament that are waiting to be filled.

If you’re reading this you’ve probably played in a few tournaments and wondered how hard it would be to organise your own. If you haven’t played any yet, I’d recommend doing that before you start organising.

The straight answer is that organising a tournament can be as easy or hard as you want, but for your first tourney, I would always suggest that you keep everything simple and you will have great fun. There is plenty of time to run more sophisticated tourneys like Track Meet by Woodruff later once you fully understand the work involved in a big tourney. I see lots of people trying 100-player events with multiple complex features for their first event and all too often these are the events which get abandoned.DesignIt’s always worth writing out the design your tourney in Word or something similar; you can also use topic drafts in CC which gives the added bonus of being able to preview your post to check the layout. You’ll want to get it spot on, be clear and look professional, so type it up and re-read it a couple of times, making sure it explains your event fully before going anywhere near the tourney thread.

You want to make a tourney which appeals to players browsing the forum. You can pick a name and concept that stands out and sounds exciting like The Wacky Races and fit it to a theme or simply one that does exactly what it says on the tin like “My Random Trips Nuclear Escalating Knockout”.Number of Players or TeamsYou need to decide how many players you want to join. It can be tempting to go for a really big number, but the more players you get, the more it will be like herding cats and you will have to find replacements for deadbeats or leavers. It will also take a lot longer to fill a big event.

For your first outing I would advise a nice straightforward 16-player or at most a 32-player event. 16 players is the minimum requirement for singles matches, but you could also try an 8-team event to start with.

StructureThe basic tournament structures are knockout bracket or round robin, each of which can have many variations (to be the subject of a later article). The key factor is setting a structure which is easily understandable to you and your potential players without the need for a degree in statistics and 3 pages of accompanying notes.

Start with something easy, make sure you have the right number of players to reach a final, and bear in mind the winner should win at least 3 games along the way. If there is any chance that a tiebreaker could be needed, then explain how this will work.

SettingsWill you go for 1v1, team games or multiple players? Standard, Assassin or Terminator? Chained? Foggy? What maps will you choose?

This is completely your choice, but here are three tips: (1) pick settings which you like playing – you want to have a chance at winning after all; (2) avoid settings which can lead to long or stalemated games – I’ve learned this one the hard way and (3) pick maps which suit the other settings – Believe me no-one wants to play 4-man Hive assassin with adjacent forts

Post your TournamentOnce you’re happy with everything and have a clear, coherent description written up, simply paste it into a new topic in Create/Join a tournament and if you want to, reserve the next couple of posts so you have somewhere near the top of the thread to show the list of players who have signed up. You may also want to post a scoreboard or a list of results. If you do, reserve a post for that, too.

Now you just need to wait for passing traffic to fill your event. Update the list of entered players from time to time and it is also helping to forums users to type e.g. [5/16] in your thread title to show how the tourney is filling up.Next StepsOnce you have a full complement of players (even with a 16-player event it can be worth having one or two reserves to cover dropouts) you’re ready to start. Permissions, game creation and game results will be the subject of my next article.

Hey, hey, hey, Foundry friends! This edition of Cartographic Surveillance is a little more bare than normal, due to the release of the April Fools issue, but I am happy to bring you our new Reporter, OliverFA's first article! Oliver will be discussing the classics other than Classic - this fortnight, "Feudal War". And join me as I "Celebrate the Foundry!" Enjoy, folks! And as always, feel free to PM me any questions, comments, or applications.

Nowadays, the Foundry is plenty of life. We enjoy a continuous stream of creativity and talent. Thanks to the effort of dedicated mapmakers, new additions are quenched regularly. And many more maps are in the works.

But there are also maps that were created long ago. Maps that despite having been with us for long time still feel fresh like the first day. Every day, many games are played on those maps. Those maps are true jewels that have stood the test of time. They are real Classics. They deserve our attention despite the time that has passed since they were created. Or maybe because of that.

Feudal War

Feudal War is a map that represents the conflict between six rival feudal lords. The map uses invented names, and does not tell where it is placed, but it’s not difficult to imagine that this is some small corner of Europe during the Middle Ages. It has a medieval theme, but without introducing any fantasy elements. The map introduction could be something like this:

We are in a little corner of the Medieval World divided between six realms. Until now, each Lord has been happy enough ruling over his own kingdom. But their wish of power has grown bigger, and none of them will stop until all the castles are unified under one single rule.

This is a conquest map. It means that at the beginning of the game all the regions except the players starting positions are occupied by neutral armies. The first phase of the game is a race to expand and claim as much neutral territory as you can. Once most of the neutral territory is claimed, the clash between the different players begin.

The starting regions are the Lords castles. Castles are special regions for two reasons: First, they can bombard regions in their own kingdom. And second, they receive autodeploy reinforcements. This made the map truly innovative at its time. A pioneer. And it still makes the map unique nowadays.

Surrounding each castle there are eight regions that together with this castle make each of the six kingdoms. Owning a kingdom grants the player a bonus (a “region” bonus we would say in gaming terms). But there is another difference which once again shows how innovative this map was at its time. Contrary to what happens in the Classic map, the region bonus is awarded in parts. In the Classic map having all Asia but one regions does not qualify for the region bonus. In Feudal War having 7 of the 8 kingdom regions gives you 3/4 of the bonus.

There are three more regions which are also special: The villages. They also receive autodeploy reinforcements (but they cannot bombard). Once a player has secured a castle and its surrounding kingdom, the next objective is to conquer a village to incline the power balance in his favour.

Last but not least there are some more “filling” regions between the kingdoms. The Northern Plains and the Lake Minstello. They are “normal” regions, but also important. And in those regions we can find the three villages.

You will probably have played some games in this map. But in the unlikely case you haven’t, I recommend you to give this map a try. It is a unique, well designed a well-balanced map that makes for very interesting and enjoyable games. However “well balanced” does not mean “symmetrical”. Each one of the six starting positions, despite being balanced, is different from the others. It is also an ideal map for playing with the Adjacent Attacks rules. Rules which are not implemented in the site yet, but that I hope will be implemented someday not too far in the future.

This map has an 8 player version, Feudal War Epic, but in my opinion the 8p version, despite being good, is not as good as the original one. For this reason I prefer to play with the 6p version even if that means having less players in the game.

For all the reasons explained above, (and some more that I encourage you to discover by yourself!), I think that Feudal War deserves to be qualified as a truly Classical Map.

Ahoy there, folks! I think the community can always benefit from some uplifting words, so I say, "Celebrate the Foundry!" For all you mapmakers, think of when you got your first map into Beta, and your first quenching... Foundry commenters, think of that one time you made a really spot-on map analysis... For the rest of you, think of yourself being one of those people - you can be apart of the joy! Let's put the spotlight on those that make the Foundry a place to really celebrate:

natty_dread - Truly a Jack of All Trades Foundry-man - 3 maps quenched, 2 in Beta, 1 in the Gameplay Workshop and still has time to give that in-depth analysis all mapmakers crave. Surely a Finnish fellow finely fitted for Foundry functions.

Riskismy - Had a bit of an angst-y start, but has taken to Foundry affairs as Cookie Monster does to Chips Ahoy! I bet he will be a well-known voice in due time.

ender516 - A tech geek mod at heart, but his prowess in XML is outstanding to say the least! Let not his words fall on closed ears (or asleep monitors), you'll probably have a problem later.

DJ Teflon - Though King of Speed (tournaments, that is), this football juggler has insight beyond his 93 medals, handing out advice like candy on Halloween. May your thread be graced with his wisdom and immaculate spelling.

theBastard - Has grammar that would make an English teacher frown, but has amazing knowledge that would make any mapmaker giggle with glee! You can count on this bastard to help you accurately depict your historical map's event.

OliverFA, carlpgoodrich, -=Tanarri=-, FarangDemon - These commenters all have the acquired taste of complex maps, and are always ready to give the complicated and confusing an in-depth look-see. Where would we be without this quintessential quartet?

AndyDufresne - He may be the busiest pet ever, but our curious monkey friend and former Foreman can always spare some time for a comment or two. His short, concise wisdom goes far past his many map ideas and days of service to the CC community - heed the monkey's wisdom, or you will surely experience regret.

So here's a big thank you to all you who make the Foundry what it is today, including all of those out there I know I've missed. I just hope to see even more names in the Foundry!

Our news this week focuses on the Newcomers Cup, Conqueror's Cup 2, and the 1on1 challenge.Check out bruceswar's clan icons. Get some more good tips from Blackknight_6 on having fun in your clan. And read Hardballs to find out the Ten Commandments all you clan members must live by. Big congratulations to Knights of the Round Table who have sealed victory over The Horsemen Of The Apocalypse to make them champions of the first Conqueror's Cup. That's an epic achievement. Opinion is divided as to whether it makes them top clan - but there is broad agreement that they've got to be considered for that spot and that no clan will be able to claim top spot without beating them. And good luck to the four clans starting their games in the league's playoff semifinals. Check out all the action in the Active Challenges forum.

The first round of Benga's Newcomers Cup is in full effect, and the battles are heating up as all 12 teams try to make it to the semi-finals. Before the event started all the clans were ranked by the various leaders, much like Chuuuuck's Power Rankings to create the matches.Each of the 6 wars in round 1 are 43 games each separated into two batches. The first batch consisting of 21 games made by the higher ranking clan and the second batch consisting of 22 games made by the lower ranked clan. Some of the wars in the first round have already been decided, and other are close to being finished.

Here are the matches and score from the first round. (*clinched round 1 victory)(**final score)

VSGrim Reapers-24* - 1st Grenadiers Guards-15

VSRisk Attackers-20 - Spelunkers of Hell-22*

VSAlways Kicking A$$-11 - Pig Renters-19

VSThe Pack-25* - Welsh Dragons-11

VSWild Geese-22 - The New Crusade-9

VSOne Step Ahead-21 - Order 66-9

So far there have been some great matches in round 1, which should translate to even better matches in round 2. Be sure to check out the Newcomers Cup here for all the updates.

Here's an Update on the First Round as most games are well underway as the second batches start to be exchanged. We even have our first winner as The Legion progress to the next round after overcoming Grim Reapers.

Devil's Brigade vs. Bullet Proof Bandits- The Bandits are looking to have returned to their clan league season 2 form when they went all the way to the final as they put the hurt on the Devils after racing to a 7-2 lead. They even took the opportunity to bring attention to their social skills so DB will look to claw back in their home batch of games

Imperial Dragoons vs. The Fantastic Four-skins- ID sit on a comfortable lead of 10-4 as the 2nd round games commence. Seems it still needs to live up to it's billing of 'most-interesting match-up' by the Head CD. Or maybe the action in the games is more intense then in the threads

De Veroveraars der Lage Landen vs. Agents of Chaos- VDLL (whose abbreviation alone has caused consternation among many) are involved in a tense encounter with AoC. Perhaps the chaotic Agents are distracted by their Clan League Semi's duties but there's no doubt they're being pushed hard by a clan ranked 18 below them.

Legends of War vs. One Step Ahead- An intriguing match-up as it's hard to tell who's really in the ascendancy. LoW stormed into a 7-0 before being pegged back as OSA reduced the difference to 3. Again, Low are now well in front after doubling their lead, but it's difficult to know where this contest will end exactly.

Grim Reapers vs. The Legion- Legion are now looking to wrap up the games after getting the wins necessary to progress in only a little over 20 days. The Reapers short stay in this competition has ended, but they still have the Newcomers Cup after already winning their first encounter in that tournament. Legion themselves can breathe a sigh of relief and now concentrate on their own match against Foed where they are still well behind.

Mythology vs. A Fistful of Sixes- The closest match-up in the first round on Current Score, Afos hold a 3 point lead @ 11-8 with the match still very much in the balance.

The New Crusade vs. The Spanking Monkeys- With a change of name, TNC look for a change in fate. They have a uphill battle to climb though as TSM took 13 wins on the trot before the Crusaders got a win against their esteemed opponents. With the score already 14-1 it'll most likely be a matter of damage limitation, but The Next Crusade will be uplifted after their first victory in a Clan War against OSA.

Dynasty vs. Generation One- Dynasty are trailing 8-3 behind Gen 1 after the completion of most of the quads. With the trips and dubs now underway, Dyn will be looking to mount an effective comeback.

Fraternal Order of Exceptional Drinkers vs. Legends of the Zone- Foed are well in the lead and sitting pretty vs Lotz. Banter continues to stay on the low side in this encounter with Foed members amazingly being able to keep their mouth shut. Unexpected to be sure but perhaps it has more to do with them being passed out from over-indulgence then anything else.

Empire vs. Death by Comity- DBC are valiantly standing up to the Imperial forces with the current score standing at 9-3 in favour of Empire. Center Stage in the contest will be the battle between Han Solo and Chewbacca. After all, the renegade mercenaries of DBC are doing their utmost against Empire's Galactic Army

Bretheren of the Fat Mermaid vs. Memento Mori- Even though this is an encounter between clans #1 and 3 on the [url:http://www.conquerclub.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=438&t=139348]Active Clan ELO[/url] it seems to be an unexpected mismatch as Bofm already lead 14-2 going into the 2nd set. It's not hard to pinpoint exactly where things went wrong for MM but they have their work cut-out for them after being without their co-leader billy07 for this challenge as well.

The clans are all about team games right? Wrong! Generation One are a clan who like to try out all sorts of new stuff. Their latest idea was to throw out a challenge for a 1on1 match up. So many clans wanted in that they ended up with a four round competition. The play-in round has just been completed and the first round proper is underway - 1v1 Clan Challenge.

The Angels of Death had the most exciting play-in match, seeking revenge against The Devils Brigade who recently beat them by a whisker in a standard challenge. It all came down to the final series between friendly1 and ElectrickShock - the match was tied at 20-20, indeed the score in games was 102 each... AoD's home game, Feudal Epic, Game 8550273, was the decider - it went to round 43 with spoils cashes getting up to 120... Was it fun or nerve-wracking we asked the combatants?

friendly1 (AoD) wrote:The 5 game match with ElectrickShock was intense, and that game is one of the most enjoyable I've ever played!! With adjacent fortifications on feudal epic it was a back and forth battle where we kept releasing stacks when we would attempt to take over more of the map. With the clan match tied at 20 to 20, and ES and I both having won 2 games each in our deciding match, both clans were watching every single turn to see what the fate of our overall match would be, and this just added to enjoyment. I don't usually get too excited about any single game, but this one was definitely an exception.

ElectrickShock (DB) wrote:Friendly is very, very good. The dice didn't lead to my downfall his patient strategy did. My only complaint about the entire match was that on a very deciding/key turn I misdeployed. I went off in the chat so you can look it up. It was the same night that CC changed to this new format with the click deploy. It was one of the first turns I played under this format or whatever you want to call it. I misdeployed, and that swung the momentum of the entire match which I was never able to regain. This however was not friendly's fault but mine. Its sad that such an epic battle came down to me stupidly misdeploying because of a new system that was patched in. I do not know that if i had deployed correctly I would of won the match for certain but we had been trading back and forth and it was anybody's game or I may have had a slight advantage in deployments but not much, and after that i never was able to regain the momentum. He was very patient and simply outplayed me in the end game.

Also i believe friendly swept me 5-0 on my "home" map in another series. so If would of won any one of those games it would have also swung the series. Like I said at the beginning Friendly is a very, very good Feudal player. Very patient and Calculating and a all around good opponent. I enjoyed the Fedual epic series very much, but hope that I don't ever have to play him again. he is a higher rank than me for a reason.

So AoD go through to the next round, taking on Empire (friendly1 has gone 1-1 against Empire's feudal champion Ninjachampion). The Dispatch asked friendly1 how AoD are enjoying the challenge.

friendly1 (AoD) wrote:AoD loves to go to battle! Jpcloet and Gold Knight do an awesome job of lining up challenges and wars so we are usually in a competition of one kind or another, and occasionally multiple challenges. And big bananas to JP for all his time and effort on building the clan area of CC over the past couple of years!!!

For myself, I am primarily a singles player (usually 6 to 8 player games) but a clan challenge with 1 vs 1 games makes this my favorite clan challenge AoD has ever been involved with. And as this challenge does not allow freestyle or manual settings in games, I believe it balances the play. Of course 1 vs 1 games are always notorious for bad placements or dice on the first couple of turns which decides the game, but having a 5 game match helps to stabilize this. Some players choose maps where the player to go first will win the game a large majority of the time. I would rather play on maps where the winner is not necessarily determined by who starts first. Barterer2002 has done an excellent job on putting this together, and I very much hope that clan challenges in the future may consider adding 1 vs 1 components in some small capacity.

In August of 2010 TheSaxlad created the The Fourth Crusade, now called The New Crusade (TNC). When he started the clan he did something that most others clans do not, he allowed all players, regardless of rank, to join. Although some may have seen this as foolish, Sax, and his future Crusaders knew that discrimination based on rank would only hurt the clan. Since then the recruitment standards have been raised, but according to Claudard they still live by the motto that was instilled in them from inception: "Death Before Dishonor."

It was the hard work of the leaders and their clan mantra that has recently led TNC to its first clan war victory. After several failed attempts T4C has finally taken that first step up the highly competitive clan ladder. "The determination of TNC has finally paid off" says Claudard. Getting this first win against one of the fastest rising clans in CC, One Step Ahead, has inspired all the Crusaders towards future victory.

According to TheSaxLad the victory can be attributed to TNC's training programs. Members are paired as teacher and student to the benefit of both, and the clan as a whole. A new development of the clan is the "Crusaders Training Academy", a program designed to prepare future Crusaders for battle. The academy is currently seeking new members who would like to join TNC in the future, or just improve their skills. Any player who meets the minimum requirements can join the Crusaders Training Academy here.

TNC is looking forward to the future, but know it will be tough to climb the ladder. However, they are definitely a clan to keep an eye on. Good luck to TNC and congratulations on your first win!

To give you guys something to look at, we wordy types turned to bruceswar to come up with a new set of clan icons to enliven our coverage. They are so darn pretty we thought we should let you see them all right here right now. Boy, there are a lot of clans. Can you name them all? (Clue: they are mostly in roughly alphabetical order). Special thanks to cachejob for the TOFU icon. If you don't see your clan here, get in touch with the Dispatch and we'll put that right.

In the last dispatch I talked about spicing up your clan with internal one-to-one tournaments. It seems that the Fourth Crusade is not the only clan to do this, as Chewie1 from Death by Comity (DBC) related to me.

Chewie1 wrote:It all started after dukehazzard and I had some inter clan banter, he is a relatively new member so to put him in his place i challanged him to a 1v1 best of 11 challange (which of course i won).. the result from this was Nikita42 came up with the idea of an inter clan 1v1 round robin tourney. Each player chooses 4 home maps with settings of his/her choice then 3 random maps are used with settings voted in the original sign up thread. The winner of the tourney is who has most wins after the round robin has finished.Not every clan member is taking part but the core of DBC is. Its fun and banter is a plenty. And bragging rites will be awseome.

The internal tournament of course needn’t be restricted to a one vs. one winner takes all type of thing. Our members needed a lot of practice with team games, so we quickly decided to set up a system of squads. Each member of the clan formed teams with others (doubles, trips and quads), which we called Crusader Squads. Each squad got a name and listed their favourite settings on a dedicated thread in our forum. tokle, our war coordinator, has been using the established squads now for clan war games. And then our leader for recruitment theCrown (do all clans have many leaders? I know we do, and it works really well) had the idea of tracking the squads’ progress through the wars and giving each squad a rank according to number of wins – a bit like the Conquer Club ranking system.

So now our clan members are members of different squads inside the clan. Each squad has name, favourite settings and a rank. This being Conquer Club after all it was only a question of time before we decided to start testing each other’s strength for fun. And another internal tournament – Squad Wars – was born!

To spice things up even further, I ventured outside the limits of our clan’s forum and set up a dedicated blog page for our internal wars. This means that you can add plugins, images and video much easier than in the Conquer Club forums. Check out the following site, which is devoted to our Squad Wars. If you scroll down you will see the trailer video mashup I made using a Modern Warfare trailer.

OVER TO YOU:Want to spice up your internal fighting a bit more? Here are some ideas.1) Hold a team tournament. Have each member of your clan form doubles or triples teams and give themselves names.2) Spice up the action in your clan by setting up a blogpage or dedicated website for all things to do with the clan. You can get free sites at these places:http://www.posterous.comhttp://www.wordpress.comhttp://www.blogger.com3) When you have a clan webpage, incorporate images or video just like on any blog. Use this to help motivate your clan members to participate in internal things.

Do you do anything outside of the confines of your forum for your clan? Drop me a PM and let me know. Next issue I look at how to... spice up your taunting of other clans!

If history has taught us nothing else, it's that when a group of 20-30 people get together, small societies are formed. History also teaches us that in these small societies, you do not want to be the fat kid holding the conch. Bad things happen to that guy.

Once these societies are formed, a religion of sorts invariably follows shortly thereafter. Though there is no universally established religion among the clans on Conquer Club, it is possible to read and analyze the posts and discern that one does exist. I have deemed it my job as something of a prophet of this religion to spread the word, so I now descend from the mountaintop and present to you The 10 Commandments of Clan Life, written on my inner forearm as there were no stone tablets available.

1. Thou shalt always predict that your clan will be victorious during the pre-war banter.No matter which clan you are in or which clan you are facing, you will predict that your clan will be victorious. To predict that your clan will lose is considered heresy and you can expect to be excommunicated if not tortured and put to death in barbarous fashion. While it's true that only about 50% of the predictions are correct as one clan always loses, you can always claim that you should have won, but lost due to bad drops and rolls.

2. Unless your clan is ranked #1, thou shalt always believe that your clan is under-ranked.You and your clan are so unbelievably good that the other players can't even begin to recognize the genius that you demonstrate in your gameplay. You are much like the skanky trash on the Jerry Springer show - they don't know you. Your ability to drop 3 troops on a 3 and attack another 3 is unsurpassed. Wait...what? You mean to tell me that after two straight losses in clan wars, your clan wasn't ranked #1 or at least in the top 5?! The nerve!

3. Thou shalt play on complex maps to prove that you are l33t.Think of each map as a sacrifice. Will the clan gods be impressed with your offering of Classic games? Or Canada? Africa? Australia? No. In order to show the clan gods that you are worthy of their attention, you must regularly play maps that would make the casual player cringe: Poison Rome, Waterloo, Forbidden City, Battle for Iraq, Conquerman, Bamboo Jack, Stalingrad, WWII Ardennes, etc.

4. Thou shalt learn to love Map Rank.The Map Rank Script is the clan equivalent to a criminal background check. When new members apply to join you clan, Map Rank is to be used to determine whether or not they are worthy of try-out games. Map Rank's other use is to determine an opposing clan's weaknesses. Refer back to Commandment 3 here. Check their stats on complex maps. If they have poor win/loss records, you know that they are not as l33t as you, and you should use those maps for your home games.

5. Thou shalt not miss a turn.Your clan will ask a lot of you at times. Sometimes they'll ask you to scout some new players, sometimes they'll ask you to oversee a war, and sometimes they'll ask you to meet them somewhere on the internet to discuss a single turn for 4 hours for a game that you're not even in. However, more than anything else, they will ask you not to miss a turn. Call in sick to work, hire a babysitter, tell your girl/boyfriend that you think you should see other people, do whatever you need to do not to miss a turn.

6. Thou shalt try really, really hard.Clan life is serious business. Check your notion of fun at the door along with your sense of proper perspective. If you're looking for something to make you laugh out loud or a place to make friends, join a social user group. Clans aren't for making friends, they're for making enemies. To lose a war is a shame like no other. Imagine going to work on Monday morning and heading to the breakroom to get yourself a cup coffee. Imagine that it's unusually quiet, that nobody extends a cordial greeting to you or will even make eye contact. They know. You can catch small parts of their whispered conversation. "...hear about Ted?" "...can't believe it....lost to them?!" "...used to respect him." "Never again...can send his own TPS reports." You must not lose. If you do lose, a tantō through your abdomen from left to right is the only way to regain honor.

7. Thou shalt "accidentally" post in public chat.Your opponent has just had an extremely fortunate turn that either swung the game in their favor, or sealed it as a victory for their team. You feel angry, alone, helpless. You feel cold. Of course you're cold, you're in the basement. Didn't you yell for your mother to throw down another blanket about 15 minutes ago? Nevermind that. You have a more pressing matter at hand. You must express to your opponents your dissatisfaction with the fact that they will win this game by lucky rolls alone and not strategy, but you need to do so in a way that won't make you look like a tool. The solution is simple. Un-check the box that says "show this message to teammates only" and let 'er rip:

2011-04-01 20:02:48 - AngryHulkSmash: Can you believe those rolls Yellow got? This idiot can't strategize his way out of a paper bag and they're going to win because he conquered 67 troops over 19 regions with a 30. What a piece of crap. I can't stand this guy. I'd like to tie him to a pole while I beat every member of his family to death with a freaking baseball bat while he watches, and then drown him in the gathered pool of his family's blood.

[CRUCIAL: Pause about 20 seconds. This is the adequate amount of time for you to experience shock and embarrassment for this "accidental" chat blunder.]

2011-04-01 20:03:13 - AngryHulkSmash: Oops...lol. Sorry, guys. That was meant for team chat!

8. Thou shalt look for forfeits.The logic behind this is that you and your clan are so good, that if another clan is winning a game or war, they must be cheating. Once you realize this, it's up to you to piece together as much circumstantial evidence as you can to make a claim of cheating and ask for forfeited games as punishment. There are a few ways to do this. Double-check if any player in the other clan has violated a maximum-game rule. If not, check and see if they've had any sitters. Can you find a way to make it look like account-sitting abuse? If not, try the fog rule. Check the first turn of each fog game and see if they moved in less than 12 hours. You can only expect a few games to be forfeited here, but those few can help. Some prophets have foreseen that by the year 2100, clan games will no longer be played. Maps and rosters will be listed and the games will be simulated with arguments.

9. Thou shalt maintain appropriate levels of drama.Believe it or not, more than the results of the wars, we of the clan community remember the dramatic war threads most of all. Most of you will remember the epic battle between THOTA and TSM, finished just about a year ago. However, without clicking on that link, do you remember the actual score? Some research just conducted in Live Chat suggests that you do not. What you remember most is the delicious drama. When in control of a clan war thread, you must be conscious of this and see to it that your thread has enough juice to keep the attention of the clan community. This holds especially true for lower-ranked and newer clans. Whether your clan is good or not, dramatic threads will keep you in the forefront of the community's mind, which could help you come time for some sort of ranking. "The Borg*? We have a clan named The Borg? Ohhhh...their leader is the guy who had an affair with that other guy's wife and had her type that he was a better lover in the game chat. That was pretty cool. I'll rank them 12th."

*We do not have a clan named The Borg.

10. Thou shalt have at least one female clanmate.Aside from their good gameplay, female clanmates provide many benefits. The majority of them are intangible - they just make your clan feel like a better place, a place where at least one person won't judge you while you sit there playing, sipping a hot chocolate and wrapped in your favorite-colored Snuggie (for maximum enjoyment, add marshmallows to the hot chocolate and no color is more dashing than red, not that I have any experience with this situation). However, the most important benefit of having a female clanmate is that they provide you with a firm anchor to reality:2011-04-02 08:21:16 - Male Clanmate [team]: Nice turn there. This game is looking pretty good.2011-04-02 08:21:41 - Female Clanmate [team]: That's good. Hey, how're you handling the divorce?2011-04-02 08:21:56 - Male Clanmate [team]: Um...I think I'm going to sign off and go to bed now.

So go forth! Go and play with renewed fervor now that I have put you on the righteous path to appeasing the clan gods! Seriously...go. Your internet could crash at any moment and you might miss a turn (see Commandment 5).

Stay Tuned for the next issue of the ConquerClub Dispatch for an interrogation of jpcloet. Post any questions you may have for them here --> Interrogation with jpcloet

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jackal31:if there was something to change about CC, what would it be?relatedHow would you rearrange CC if it was your business?

A: There are quite a few things I'd change/do, and some of them have been done in the past. First I would revamp the moderation staff (of course). I would teach the moderators that it's ok to admit that you're wrong sometimes. I would make it a rule that if a moderator is posting on the forum and/or interacting in live chat outside of their department, there should not be any expectations of behavior above and beyond what a normal user has. Just because you moderate one area of the website, that shouldn't mean you can't feel free to be yourself or express your opinion in other areas of the website. I would enable multiple new ways to pay for premium (via text message for one) and allow monthly/quarterly purchase of premium (at a steep markup, like $5-$10). I would actually spend my time programming updates to the website and have a monthly or quarterly "update day" where something new would come out. I would set up a voting system so the community could help decide which items should be added next. I would work on ways to ensure that the 95% (or whatever) of CC players that don't use the forums have their voices heard on potential updates/changes to the site. I would add Adjacent Attacks as a gaming option (viewtopic.php?f=535&t=51364).