Friday, September 25, 2015

Presidential
candidate and conservative carnival barker Mike Huckabee recently tried to cash
in on the controversy over homophobic county
clerk Kim Davis by hosting an Evangelical tent revival upon her release from the
local lockup.

Huckabee’s
absurd spectacle was attended by a rapturous crowd of good ol’
discriminate-against-thy-neighbor crackers waving crosses, bibles, and that
most beloved symbol of inbred southern insularity, the Confederate flag.

The
confrontational collection of locked-and-loaded cretins calling themselves the
Oath Keepers have sworn to prevent her from being arrested again if Davis
doesn’t feel like following the laws she swore an oath to uphold.

In a
clever ploy calculated to appeal to his devoted constituents and ensure his
domination of the election news, Huckabee himself offered to take her place
behind bars.

It’s
unclear what part this fantasy may have played in the celebration that followed;
however his staff still refuses to comment on the rumor that a hung-over
Huckabee awoke the next day beside a half-eaten bag of rainbow Doritos.