Month: March 2016

A proposal to commemorate the discovery of the Staffordshire Hoard in Hammerwich by installing a giant statue of a Saxon warrior by the M6 near Stoke-on-Trent has been criticised by residents of Lichfield and district.

Stoke-on-Trent City Council want to spend £3.5million of public money on the 114ft warrior to celebrate the unearthing of £3.3million worth of Anglo-Saxon gold in 2009 at a secret location near the former town of Burntwood.

‘I accept that my expertise is limited to wasting public money in Lichfield rather than Stoke. But I’m not in favour of it really, the statue will be in the wrong place. Stoke Council would be much better spending that sort of money locating the monstrosity in the Lichfield district where it belongs. But not in Hammerwich, we already have a more than adequate sign acknowledging the hoard.’

The former town of Burntwood has been mooted as suitable alternative location. Due to be closed down completely by the end of 2016, Burntwood plays host to numerous bleak and desolate areas.

Local councillor Sue Norman, endangered Labour group, commented:

‘I’m starting a petition calling for the Warrior to be located here. Burntwood would be ideal, we love dwelling on the past and erecting statues and plaques commemorating bygone eras and many of the locals still speak fluent Anglo-Saxon.

‘As for locations, we have recently cleared Gentleshaw Common as part of the “Scorched Earth” town closure plan and then there is the former housing development site at Milestone Way that is being remediated by means of controlled explosions by the lads in the Army bomb disposal team. Either site would be ideal.

In the spirit of compromise Lichfield MP Michael Fabricant has launched himself onto another bandwagon he has no interest in, he suggests:

‘In return for the Warrior, Lichfield should repatriate the statue of Titanic Captain Edward Smith from Beacon Park to his home town of Stoke-on-Trent where he belongs.’

In a terse response Stoke Councillor Steve Wedgwood replied:

‘Captain Smith of the Titanic? Never heard of him. Forget it.’

Mr Fabricant later commented:

‘Councillor Wedgwood is absolutely right to reject such a ludicrous proposal that I myself have never promoted and I completely distance myself from my earlier remarks. I have been completely misrepresented by myself in a premature ejaculate-tory press release. But I will certainly be raising the matter with the Minister. The matter of overcrowded trains to London that is.’

The recruitment drive for the Friary School sixth form performing arts department received a boost this weekend from the BBC’s most overpaid talent Graham Norton.

The former “Father Ted” bit part actor was in conversation with former Hollywood star Glenn Close on his Saturday morning Radio 2 show discussing the revival of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Sunset Boulevard at the London Coliseum.

After Ms Close generously name checked fellow performer and former Friary School pupil Siobhan Dillon, Graham asked:

‘Haven’t I met Siobhan? Wasn’t she on one of my programmes? “Nancy” wasn’t it? They’re nodding behind the screen..”

Friary School headteacher David Listless said:

‘Many congratulations to Siobhan. To be half-remembered by a failed Irish comedian for a performance in a programme in which she didn’t appear is a ringing endorsement of the Friary School’s influence in the world of the performing arts.’

Former failed contestant in Andrew Lloyd Webber’s BBC TV series “ How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?” Ms Dillon said:

‘Graham Norton? Isn’t he Terry Wogan now?

‘But could I just say what a privilege it is to be on stage alongside the Hollywood great that is Ms Meryl Streep.

‘And to headteacher Mr Listless, we’ve never met but the restraining order remains in place and please remove my photos from the school foyer and from your bedroom wall.’

The hit musical Sunset Boulevard comes to the London Coliseum from 1 April , with Glenn Close reprising her Tony Award-winning role as Norma Desmond and Lichfield’s own Siobhan Dillon playing budding writer Betty Shaefer in the production.

Lichfield residents and businesses have welcomed the news that the Premier League has agreed plans to cap away tickets at £30 from next season.Historically a thriving coaching city, Lichfield frequently plays host to football fans stopping off for refreshment on the way to Premiership fixtures.

‘This is excellent news for Lichfield in general and Bacon Street in particular. As one of the main arteries into the City we frequently welcome coach-loads of away fans en-route to Villa Park or The Hawthorns. There is ample parking on and around Bacon Street and local residents can be relied upon to give a warm welcome to visitors and direct them to the nearest hostelries.’

With soccer fans making savings of up to £30 per ticket they will be able to afford to spend more in the City pubs and bars. Newcastle United supporter Paul Mycock is delighted, he said:

‘Whenever we’re playing the Villa away we stop off in Lichfield and call in at the George and Dragon to re-fuel and decant. It’s great news that next season we’ll have a few more quid in our pockets, I reckon we’ll set off a couple of hours earlier and really make a day of it. We’ve always had such a warm welcome from the people of Broken Street, they take loads of photos and write lots of letters to the Club chairman afterwards.’

However some locals have sounded a note of caution. City football correspondent Ross Hawksmore said:

‘Whilst a Premiership ticket price cap is a welcome initiative, it’ll be of no value to Villa or Newcastle fans next season. But on the plus side they will both still be in the same league and tickets will be cheaper anyway. Cheers.’

Lichfield District Council is keen to promote the city as a tourist destination, Council Leader Mike Wiltcox commented:

‘Lichfield has been a thriving coaching city since the 18th century and the new Friarsgate development has been designed with this in mind, there will be a brand new coach park located conveniently in what was once known as Burntwood.’