I am in a really depressive state. I feel so awful. I'm just crying and having really bad thoughts right now. My cheery self is gone at this moment. The job I got I'm really embarrassed by it and I just can't continue it. My family wants me to but I just can't I'm crying really bad right now I just can't do it. I feel so stupid. Why am I not where I want to be? Why do I have to be here? I wish I could start over. I fucked up too much. I am really just failing. My family view me as a quitter and a burden. I don't know what to do. I am just awful.

So I'm finally going to Otakon. I've lived in MD all my life, hella close to baltimore and not have gone to one Otakon convention

( T_T)＼(^-^ )

So this weekend is the time!!! I am going to live it up or just enjoy the spirits of everyone since this was a last minute decision haha. I am going finally!!

(=´∀｀)人(´∀｀=)

Unfortunately I am not cosplaying... Booooooo... I know I know it suck but it was last minute so I didn't have enough time people haha

(ノ_＜)

I am going alone but a lot of my friends that I haven't seen are going to be there so I will chillaxin with them folks as well as walking around o. My own taking photos

（≧∇≦）

If you are going feel free to find me and talk to me about anything!! If you experience social anxiety, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, low selfesteem, insecurities, or anything I'm here to help if you need!

(・ω・)ノ

I will post my outfits so you can find me!! Also I do watch anime and kdramas so if you want to chat up about that I will try my best to keep and listen to you

I need to learn to think highly of myself. I catch myself calling me ugly or not pretty enough or something along those lines and I know that's not healthy and contributes to my anxiety and prevention from going outside more often.

ヽ(；▽；)ノ

Another I tell myself I'm not good enough or I will never make it or no one needs you, no one wants you. This is the worst thing I tell myself!!! It really makes me cry like seriously.

(ノ_＜)

I know it's not healthy but as an overthink we it's hard not to over-analyze every single thing that happens to you. And to think pessimisticly.

(Ｔ＿Ｔ)

So I think I'm going to try a method. It requires 3 items. Sticky notes, pens, and a camera. Everytime I think something negative about myself I will write the opposite on a sticky note and put it on my wall in my room. I'm there most of the time so what better place to put it. I will also write the date.

(￣^￣)ゞ

I feel this will help!!! What do you think?? Would you try something like this?? I think it will help. It helps to get that negative and turn it into a positive.

These past couple of days have been tough. My anxiety levels have been off the charts at night

((((；ﾟДﾟ)))))))

I haven't been sleeping the greatest the past couple of days. Nor have I been eating the greatest. More like I haven't been eating much.

（；￣ェ￣）

I'm definitely not trying to eat korean ramen everyday. So I've been spacing out the stuff we have that I like to eat until they go to the store haha.

(・ω・)ノ

I don't have the dough right now to get food so I have to go with my family's flow. I eat so different from them. I eat tons of small meals throughout the day(when I have the money haha) and they eat like two or 3 big meals with nothing between. (｡-_-｡)

So the food they get is for these big meals. I can't make a small meal out of a chicken haha. I like the grab and eat foods, or the foods that don't take long to make. Like sandwiches, oatmeals, eggs, fish, beef strips, cake, chicken breast, fruits, veggies, salads, cookies, etcetc

o(^▽^)o

Just stuff I can quickly cook or grab and eat. I'm sure the stuff I listed can be big meals but not the way I fix it haha. Tasty, simple, and to the point.

＼(^o^)／

Lost my place with this post. What was I originally talking about haha