David Mitchell's novel Cloud Atlas consists of six stories set in various periods between 1850 and a time far into Earth's post-apocalyptic future. Each segment lives on its own the previous first person account picked up and read by a character in its successor creating connective tissue between each moment in time. The various stories remain intact for Tom Tykwer's (Run Lola Run) Lana Wachowski's and Andy Wachowski's (The Matrix) film adaptation which debuted at the Toronto International Film Festival. The massive change comes from the interweaving of the book's parts into one three-hour saga — a move that elevates the material and transforms Cloud Atlas in to a work of epic proportions.
Don't be turned off by the runtime — Cloud Atlas moves at lightning pace as it cuts back and forth between its various threads: an American notary sailing the Pacific; a budding musician tasked with transcribing the hummings of an accomplished 1930's composer; a '70s-era investigatory journalist who uncovers a nefarious plot tied to the local nuclear power plant; a book publisher in 2012 who goes on the run from gangsters only to be incarcerated in a nursing home; Sonmi~451 a clone in Neo Seoul who takes on the oppressive government that enslaves her; and a primitive human from the future who teams with one of the few remaining technologically-advanced Earthlings in order to survive. Dense but so was the unfamiliar world of The Matrix. Cloud Atlas has more moving parts than the Wachowskis' seminal sci-fi flick but with additional ambition to boot. Every second is a sight to behold.
The members of the directing trio are known for their visual prowess but Cloud Atlas is a movie about juxtaposition. The art of editing is normally a seamless one — unless someone is really into the craft the cutting of a film is rarely a post-viewing talking point — but Cloud Atlas turns the editor into one of the cast members an obvious player who ties the film together with brilliant cross-cutting and overlapping dialogue. Timothy Cavendish the elderly publisher could be musing on his need to escape and the film will wander to the events of Sonmi~451 or the tortured music apprentice Robert Frobisher also feeling the impulse to run. The details of each world seep into one another but the real joy comes from watching each carefully selected scene fall into place. You never feel lost in Cloud Atlas even when Tykwer and the Wachowskis have infused three action sequences — a gritty car chase in the '70s a kinetic chase through Neo Seoul and a foot race through the forests of future millennia — into one extended set piece. This is a unified film with distinct parts echoing the themes of human interconnectivity.
The biggest treat is watching Cloud Atlas' ensemble tackle the diverse array of characters sprinkled into the stories. No film in recent memory has afforded a cast this type of opportunity yet another form of juxtaposition that wows. Within a few seconds Tom Hanks will go from near-neanderthal to British gangster to wily 19th century doctor. Halle Berry Hugh Grant Jim Sturgess Jim Broadbent Ben Whishaw Hugo Weaving and Susan Sarandon play the same game taking on roles of different sexes races and the like. (Weaving as an evil nurse returning to his Priscilla Queen of the Desert cross-dressing roots is mind-blowing.) The cast's dedication to inhabiting their roles on every level helps us quickly understand the worlds. We know it's Halle Berry behind the fair skinned wife of the lunatic composer but she's never playing Halle Berry. Even when the actors are playing variations on themselves they're glowing with the film's overall epic feel. Jim Broadbent's wickedly funny modern segment a Tykwer creation that packs a particularly German sense of humor is on a smaller scale than the rest of the film but the actor never dials it down. Every story character and scene in Cloud Atlas commits to a style. That diversity keeps the swirling maelstrom of a movie in check.
Cloud Atlas poses big questions without losing track of its human element the characters at the heart of each story. A slower moment or two may have helped the Wachowskis' and Tykwer's film to hit a powerful emotional chord but the finished product still proves mainstream movies can ask questions while laying over explosive action scenes. This year there won't be a bigger movie in terms of scope in terms of ideas and in terms of heart than Cloud Atlas.
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Tonight is the second of the 2012 Presidential Debates between President Barack Obama and the Republican Presidential Nominee Mitt Romney. The country will watch on — and learn things — as the two share their platforms during the town hall face-off. While Obama and Romney answer important questions from audience members about the economy, health care, reproductive rights, foreign policy, and the state of the economy, we at Hollywood.com are staging debates of our own. Today, we decided to argue pop culture heath care. Specifically, what is more likely to get you sick: jumping in the mud with Honey Boo Boo, or swimming in the Jersey Shore hot tub? Writers Brian Moylan and Shaunna Murphy square off on this vital issue.
Opening Argument from Shaunna Murphy:
Hollywood.com readers, you may not know this, but there is a rare genetic trait common amongst people born in New Jersey (myself included), that makes us totally lose our s**t whenever we are in close proximity to a hot tub. We pack bathing suits wherever we're going, even in the dead of winter, "just in case." When we go to Vegas, we shell out extra cash to ensure that our suite includes a 'cuzzi, because every drunken evening must end in a nice, hot soak in a disease-ridden cesspool. You only live once! It's science.
However, ever since Jersey Shore premiered in 2010, even I have become wary of my hot tub usage. Why? Because watching MVP's nightly conquests drunkenly saunter into their rooftop Thermo Spa (not to mention Snooki and Sitch's infamous drunken hookup in said Thermo Spa) finally made me realize that getting in hot water with shady people, under the influence, is a bad idea. "People don't realize it, but a hot tub can be a breeding ground for infections ranging from skin issues to STDs," says New York internist Holly Phillips. Gross! Let's go on.
Hot tubs need to be heavily chlorinated, because a lapse in proper maintenance will allow bacteria to grow — with or without heavily tanned guidos. Bacteria grow like wildfire in warm water, leading to a common 'cuzzi side effect known as pseudomonas folliculitis, a skin infection that produces itchy, bright red bumps. It'll clear up on its own in 10 days or less, but you'll look like this for awhile.
Then there's Toxic Shock Syndrome, the potentially fatal illness that none other than Deena "You like da boobz?" Cortese thought she had last week. Thankfully our second favorite meatball is okay, but the bacteria that causes TSS can be present in hot tubs — if you get in with a friend carrying the bacteria, better be sure you don't have any paper cuts. It's that easy. So if Deena carried the bacteria and I was to get in with her, my clumsy ass would be in major trouble. Like, Snooki wearing no panties in public in front of Jionni trouble.
Finally, there's the issue of genital herpes — a disease roughly one in six people (there are seven in the Jersey Shore house, not to mention the many strangers they bring home) between the age of 14 to 49 carries. According to New York City dermatologist Dr. Albert Lefkovits, if someone with herpes recently sat on the edge of a tub and you were to take their place, you could contract the virus, even through a bathing suit. The virus loves to live in warm, damp areas, which sounds exactly like a jacuzzi!
There are so many other issues that can abound when you combine alcohol, guidos, and warm water (like heat stroke, or passing out and getting your hair caught in a filter), but we can start here for now. I'd rather roll around in the mud any day than get in hot water with these folks.
Opening Argument by Brian Moylan:
I'm just going to start this off and say that, while they may be poor (for now) and may live in a house that is not like yours and may eat things that you think will make your stomach dance right out of your body and then die in a heaving mass on the floor, that does not mean that the Thompson clan on Here Comes Honey Boo Boo is dirty. They are not. Neck crust never gave anyone a disease.
That said, mud certainly has. Do you know what you can get from the mud? That flesh eating bacteria that you hear about so often on the news. Yeah, you thought you could just go splashedy splash in the muck and the mire and wash it off. No. Not unless you also want to wash off your face. Know what else you can get from mud? Meliodosis. Know what that does to you? It gives you joint and chest pain, a fever, flu-like symptoms, and a bunch of other things that will drive you right to WebMD. Well maybe not right to it, because it can live in your body for 62 years before preventing any symptoms. Yup, Honey Boo Boo could be diagnosed with this in the ear 2076. It is also fatal. And we're not going to even get into the brain-eating bacteria that hangs out in lakes and mud. Because if we did, you'd never touch dirt again.
This all sounds awful, and the thing about hot tubs is, nearly all of them have chlorine in them, which prevents the spread of disease. But just like health class in Catholic high school taught us, the only way not to get a disease is by abstinence. The Jersey Shore kids seem to have learned this as well. There has not been one romantic encounter in the hot tub in Seasons 4 or 5 and it seems to have fallen out of favor with the guidos. Considering this year every female is in a monogamous relationship, The Situation is practicing sobriety, Vinny is practicing celibacy, and DJ Paulie D is practicing his usual discretion, you aren't going to be able to catch anything in that hot tub other than fish.
Rebuttal from Shaunna Murphy: Ick, you're right, Brian. That brain-eating amoeba thing, that the article claims is found in "warm lakes, streams, and hot springs" sounds pretty nasty. However, the article also mentions that millions are exposed to these amoeba every year, with only one to eight people actually dying from it. "The illness itself is devastating, but the fact is that this is a very rare infection," said infectious disease expert Dr. Roy Gulick. "It's not a new infection, we've known about this for decades, and there's no evidence that the number is increasing. If you compare it to the odds of having a traffic accident on your way to the lake or drowning in the lake, this is much smaller." Phew! Thank goodness. And as for that horrible, flesh-eating bacteria that is currently devastating poor Aimee Copeland — well, that one's rare too, and could have been treated early on with some antibiotics. Amy Horneman, who is chief of microbiology and molecular diagnostics at the Baltimore Medical Center of the Veterans Affairs Maryland Health Care System, and an internationally recognized specialist on Aeromonas hydrophila, says infections caused by the bacterium are relatively easy to treat with common antibiotics, if you take care of them in time. Basically, it's this simple: Get a cut in dirty water, go to the doctor. As for hot tubs, you're also right — chlorine can erase a lot of problems, excluding heat exhaustion, and hair getting sucked into filters, drowning people. (There have been about 49 cases over the last decade or so, and drunkenness certainly ups your chances.) But the problem is, people are often lazy about chlorinating their hot tubs, and the herpes on the side of the ledge will still be there either way. In fact, even the folks at Playboy are notoriously lax about cleaning their hot tub — in February of 2011, 123 people came down with Legionnaires' disease, a potentially fatal illness, after getting in the Playboy Mansion hot tub during a fundraiser. You're right that, every now and then, an unlucky soul is in the wrong mud with the wrong cut, and gets some nasty bacterial disease — but hot tubs filled with dirty people are proven cesspools. And even though the cameras haven't spent as much time in the tub so far this season, I wouldn't take my chances on the ledge of that thing, given the insane number of sexual partners the male cast has had during past seasons. Come on, you know at least one of them has herpes. It doesn't. Go. Away. Rebuttal from Brian Moylan: Shaunna, I see a lot of things that can happen to you as a result of being in a hot tub. However, I'm not seeing many concrete examples of what will actually happen in that hot tub. Just last year, three children in Louisiana, which is near Honey Boo Boo's home in Georgia, were hospitalized for contracting E. coli while playing in a mud pit, much like the one on the show. Luckily they all survived (though each probably suffered a severe case of "mud butt" for at least a few days), but E. coli can be fatal. In 2011, there was also an outbreak of meliodosis in Australia where two people contacted a disease. Yes, it's grody to think that you could catch herpes, a rash, or something even worse for taking a dip with the kids from Jersey Shore, but there are actual documented cases where mud has gotten people very ill — so ill that they had to be hospitalized and so ill that they could actually die. And like you said yourself, flinging the mud at each other like so many monkeys in a poo pile isn't nearly as fun as getting in the hot tub. With the assistance of chlorine and a well-maintained tub (do you think MTV would dare risk the lawsuits of letting the hot tub get too nasty?), I'd rather risk a good time at the shore than a messy afternoon out on the bayou. Closing Statement from Shaunna Murphy: I don't know, Brian — maybe it's the second-generation southerner in me, but I'd take my chances on a rare case of E. coli, and a fun afternoon with the loving Boo Boo clan, over a pretty damned good chance of contracting herpes, or pseudomonas folliculitis with the shore-dwellers. I would just make sure that no livestock were around, since it's proximity to livestock fecal matter that causes these extremely rare cases of E. coli. And I agree with you that Snooki and J-Woww are a great time, but, as a lady, the notion of sitting with Sitch, Vinny, and known sociopath Pauly D in a tub, KNOWING their sexual history, would just be too much for me. I also order my meat rare, so there's that. Closing Statement from Brian Moylan: I don't care what you say, but the actual diseases that you can contract from rolling around in the mud are far worse than the far-off threat of what might happen in a hot tub. And you don't need to shower after a hot tub. Plus, Snooki wouldn't give me anything but a good time, would she? I don't think so. More: Pop Culture Debate: Did 'Clueless' or 'Mean Girls' Have a Bigger Impact on Vocabulary? Pop Culture Debate: Who Is Taylor Swift's 'We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" About? Pizza Vs. Burritos: The Pop Culture Election — Round 2
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This past weekend, guilt overtook me and I agreed to one of my bimonthly meetups with the gang from college. People whose post-grad lives have taken them to law school, jobs in finance, and existences sans Saturday Night Live. Something I managed to avoid during our four years at school together was that one of my old housemates has never watched an episode of NBC's immortal variety show — a fact I find befuddling. In a spring of passion, I began declaring all the great things that SNL has given to the world, topping my list with two of the funniest and most important names in contemporary comedy: Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, who have just been announced as the joint hosts of the upcoming 70th Golden Globes. Once their names came into the mix, that's when the conversation became volatile.
Another friend of mine took issue with my highlighting of these two women in particular. "Those are your top two?" he asked. "What about Dan Aykroyd? Chevy Chase? Rodney Dangerfield?" Yes, he said Rodney Dangerfield. And while I have no deficit of appreciation for the contributions that Aykroyd, Chase, Jim Belushi (whom my friend insisted he meant when he said Rodney Dangerfield) have made to comedy, I will not let their seniority sway me: the comic team of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler might very well be the best thing to come out of Saturday Night Live. Ever.
Fey and Poehler, SNL colleagues from the time the latter came on board the cast in 2001, began to showcase the bounties of their onscreen camaraderie when Poehler joined Fey as cohost of the show's Weekend Update segments in '04.
In Fey's 2011 memoir Bossypants, she illustrates her appreciation of Poehler as a voice for a progression of female comedy, and simply an innately funny individual:"Amy was in the middle of some ... nonsense ... and she did something vulgar as a joke. I can't remember what it was exactly, except it was dirty and loud and 'unladylike.' Jimmy Fallon, who was arguably the star of the show at the time, turned to her and in a faux-squeamish voice said, 'Stop that! It's not cute! I don't like it.'
Amy dropped what she was doing, went black in the eyes for a second and wheeled around on him. 'I don't f***ing care if you like it.' Jimmy was visibly startled. Amy went right back to enjoying her ridiculous bit. (I should make it clear that Jimmy and Amy are very good friends and there was never any real beef between them. Insert penis joke here.)
With that exchange, a cosmic shift took place. Amy made it clear that she wasn’t there to be cute. She wasn’t there to play wives and girlfriends in the boys’ scenes. She was there to do what she wanted to do and she did not f***ing care if you like it. I was so happy. Weirdly, I remember thinking, 'My friend is here! My friend is here!' Even though things had been going great for me at the show, with Amy there, I felt less alone."The two would continue their Weekend Update partnership until 2006, when Fey left SNL to create and star in 30 Rock, but the camaraderie maintained. Fey's and Poehler's mastery of the small screen eventually earned them a place in theaters: Saturday Night Live writer Michael McCullers created the feature film Baby Mama as a vehicle for their dynamic comic chemistry, casting Fey as a straight-laced aspiring mother and Poehler as her white trash surrogate.
In addition to the movie itself, Fey and Poehler actually collaborated on several exemplary marketing campaigns which, if all strung together and projected in theaters, could stand as a perfectly sufficient Oscar-worthy comedy. Below is a featurette from the Moviefone series "Unscripted":
And a featurette from the Cinemax series "60 Seconds":
Baby Mama was highly effective in launching the magic that came organically when Fey and Poehler were placed next to one another and asked to say things. The pair's award presentation at the 60th Primetime Emmy ceremony later in 2008 is just another example of this very magic:
And finally, the most memorable event of Fey's and Poehler's 2008: the variety show's former head writer would return to her old stomping grounds, taking a position beside her friend in the highly influential election-themed send up of Hillary Clinton and (to a much greater extent) Sarah Palin.
Although the years to follow offered the world fewer collaborations between Fey and Poehler, their friendship remained perfectly, vividly intact. As Fey once joked in a 2011 NBC ad, "Amy Poehler and I have been friends for so long, we’re like Oprah and Gale. Only we’re not denying anything."
Earlier this year, Poehler took a brief guest cameo on 30 Rock, playing a high school-aged version of Fey's character Liz Lemon.
But we're still waiting for Fey to make it over to Parks and Recreation. Maybe as an old friend of Leslie Knope's who moved out of Pawnee to explore the world? A rival city councilwoman who makes trouble for the newcomer? Ron Swanson's terrifying younger sister? We'd be game for anything.
And we're game for the upcoming Golden Globes, fully optimistic about anything these two have in store for us. And if you're still not 100% won over by the prospect of Fey and Poehler at the head of the awards ceremony, here's this:
Bam. Lemon out.
[Photo Credit: Kevin Mazur/WireImage]
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After all the unanswerable "How?"s and "Why?"s from last night's 2012 Emmy Awards broadcast subsided (How did they manage to botch that opening sketch that featured some of the funniest women in the world? Why, oh why, did they insist on rewarding Jon Cryer again?), we were still left with some burning questions about the ceremony. From wondering if yellow was the color of victory for ladies at the Emmys, to crunching the numbers on how many Emmys the perennial winner Modern Family has nabbed over the past four years, we're here to answer 'em! Here are some of our Burning Questions about the 2012 Emmys, including what happened with presenter Seth MacFarlane's flub (pictured) and host Jimmy Kimmel's booted parents. If you have any more for us, be sure to leave them in the comments section! (But, no, Kat Dennings will not go out on a date with you!)1. How many Emmys has Modern Family collectively won over the past four years? Hey! Hey! Look at Modern Family go! Over the past three years, the critical and ratings darling has walked away with an impressive total of 16 Emmy statuettes, including a third consecutive win for Outstanding Comedy Series and all but having a monopoly on the supporting acting categories. With 45 nominations since 2010, the show has a 35 percent success rate in wins. Jeez, guys, spread the wealth a little, would you?2. Was this the worst year for Mad Men? Sadly, yes. The beloved AMC series, which had one of its strongest and most daring seasons yet — thanks to story lines like Lane's shocking suicide and Peggy's departure from the firm — went 0 for 14 this year. Not only did the show miss out on making Emmy history if it had won Outstanding Drama Series, but Jon Hamm was snubbed yet again (what's an exceptionally handsome dude gotta do to get an Emmy around here?) and Christina Hendricks lost to Maggie Smith in what was considered her shoo-in year. In fact, none of the cast of Mad Men (nor any guest stars) have ever won an Emmy. The show, which has earned just 15 Emmys from 86 nods (a 17 percent win rate), had its best year (so far) back in 2008 when it took home six trophies. 3. Did Claire Danes say "holla" or "challah" to costar Mandy Patinkin in her acceptance speech? Viewers couldn't quite figure out whether the Homeland actress, who also dropped the term "baby daddy" regarding her hubby Hugh Dancy in her acceptance speech, holla-ed at her costar or shared a little post-Rosh Hashanah challah with him and the rest of the world. (Hollywood.com reached out to Danes' rep for clarification on the speech, but did not immediately hear back). Whatever props Danes gave, the outstanding (and unfairly snubbed of a nod) Patinkin earned it. Respect. 4. Did Seth MacFarlane really not show up to rehearsal or was that just a bit? From the looks — and sounds — of things, the Family Guy creator didn't, as he told Emmy viewers, "come to rehearsal." After the microphone mishap, the funny man (who seemed to show up to Saturday Night Live rehearsals a few weeks ago) tweeted, "Oh, THERE'S the f***ing mike" and later posted a sketch of Family Guy's Stewie with the blurb "See now, the microphone gaffe is just a reminder that we've never seen an Emmy stage before." Hollywood.com reached out to MacFarlane's manager to find out if the white tuxedo'ed star really skipped out on rehearsal or just missed his mark, but have not yet hear back. "That's going to be on YouTube." You better believe it, Seth. 5. Whose speech got cut off by the orchestra the fastest? During Tom Berenger's, uh, spirited, acceptance speech, the actor worried that he'd already wasted his allotted 40 seconds to speak just getting up to the podium. Not exactly the case, as the Hatfields &amp; McCoys star didn't get cut off until the 1:16 mark (which, mercifully, allowed us to hear him compare his character to "a raccoon with rabies and a demented garden gnome.") But Berenger wasn't the only winner to get the old play off from the orchestra: Julianne Moore, likely much to the delight of Sarah Palin, was cut off at the 1:10 mark of her acceptance speech, while Julia Louis-Dreyfus heard the music play around 1:54. The speeches that were cut off the soonest were the Homeland scribes at a mere 41 seconds and Steve Levitan during Modern Family's third Outstanding Comedy Series victory at the 50-second mark. Heck, some winners even played themselves off. Emmy director Glenn Weiss, who won an award for his work on the Tonys, decided to see what it felt like on the other side and cut himself short at the 53-second mark. 6. Was yellow the color of victory? If you were an actress going for the gold, it seemed like a wise fashion choice to wear yellow. It certainly worked for Game Change's Julianne Moore, Modern Family's Julie Bowen, and Homeland's Claire Danes, who all walked away with Emmys and donned yellow duds. (Meanwhile, The Big Bang Theory's Kaley Cuoco, New Girl's Hannah Simeone, and Pan Am's [RIP Kelli Garner] weren't nominees, but wound up on their fair share of best dressed lists for their yellow dresses). Of the major categories, yellow seemed to be victorious hue, though American Horror Story's Jessica Lange opted for orange and Veep's Julia Louis-Dreyfus looked stunning in maroon. We're assuming that somewhere in the U.K., Downton Abbey's Maggie Smith was wearing something yellow, too. 7. What exactly did Jon Stewart say that caused ABC to hit the mute button? Those delays are a censor's best friend at awards shows, aren't they? It certainly was last night when the 10-time winner was bleeped during his acceptance speech. Holding his statuette, The Daily Show host marveled, "Years from now, when the Earth is just a burning husk and the aliens visit, they will find a box of these and they will know just how predictable these f***ing things can be." Sorry, censors, the f-bomb can be silenced, but the truth that Stewart speaks cannot. 8. Were those really Jimmy Kimmel's parents?You better believe it. Kimmel had told various outlets leading up to the Emmys that he would do something to his parents (who he has messed with on his own late night show) during the broadcast. Last Monday, the funny man told Los Angeles' local ABC affiliate KABC, "I'm planning to embarrass my parents on the show. I have been huddling with my brother and sister trying to come up with the perfect thing because I figure this is the biggest audience I've ever had on television -- 20 million people -- what can I say about my parents that will make my mom mad at me afterwards?" How about escorting them out of the building after they believed in you? Yep, that oughta do it. While we don't know where Kimmel sent them off to, we can only hope he allowed them to return to their seats with Tracy Morgan. 9. Speaking of… did anyone actually fall for the Tracy Morgan fainting prank? If you were on Twitter and didn't actually catch the bit from the get-to, there's a good chance you fell prey to the stunt. The Morgan moment immediately caused 25,000 tweets, likely thanks in part to the participation of fellow wise guys like Stephen Colbert and Joel McHale, who sent out the "news" from their pages. A viral success (and likely the one Kimmel also hinted at to KABC), but still a bit of a dud in the comedy department. 10. Are presenters and Parks and Rec exes Louis C.K. and Amy Poehler in love now in real-life, sending comedy nerd hearts a flutter everywhere? Yes. Yes they are.. ::Crosses fingers so, so tight::[Photo credit: Getty Images] More: Emmys 2012: Best and Worst Moments 2012 Emmy Awards Red Carpet: Who Were the Fashion Winners? 2012 Emmy Awards: The Winners...and Losers

Amy Poehler may not have walked away with an Emmy last night (why Emmy gods, why must you punish us?!) but she walked away a winner when she — once again — proved to have one of the best moments of the ceremony when she "mixed up" her acceptance speech with Julia Louis-Dreyfus'.
In fact, some of the 2012 Emmy "losers" had some of the best moments of the 64th Primetime Emmy Awards — just see Giancarlo Esposito's gracious hug (and kiss!) with his winning Breaking Bad costar Aaron Paul and Jimmy Fallon and Stephen Colbert taking down their mortal enemy/best friend Jon Stewart after his stunning 10th consecutive win in the Best Variety Series for The Daily Show. And while Modern Family, The Amazing Race, Jon Cryer, and the M.I.A. Maggie Smith were declared winners last night, their predictable and overdone wins (really... again?!) marked some of the lowlights. Well, that and the whole nonsensical Tracy Morgan passed out on stage bit. GALLERY: Best and Worst Moments of the 2012 Emmys Telecast! [Photo credit: WENN.com] More: 2012 Emmy Awards: See the Full List of Winners! 2012 Emmy Awards: The Winners...and Losers 2012 Emmy Awards Red Carpet: Who Were the Fashion Winners?

It's easy to find out who won trophies and who could only speak to what a thrill it was to be nominated. (Oh, what a prescient joke about Jon Hamm losing again in the monologue.) In fact, if you want to know who won, just click here. We already did the work for you. But the hard work is deciding who walked away with the most — and least — love from the TV viewing audience. Don't worry, I'm here to break it down for you. You can disagree with me if you want, but then you will be wrong. How does that feel?
WINNERS
Homeland: Yes, this show won all the awards — Claire Danes wasn't the only person to pick up a trophy. It brought home awards for Outstanding Writing and a shocking victory for Damian Lewis in a very tight field for Outstanding Actor in a Drama, beating out both repetitive winner Bryan Cranston and heavy favorite Jon Hamm. This was the first win for Showtime in the Outstanding Series category, and the pleasant surprise couldn't go to a more deserving show.
Taped Segments: The only funny portion of Jimmy Kimmel's opening was a pre-taped sketch featuring the host crying over his overly Botoxed Real Housewives face in the ladies' room with the Oustanding Actress in a Comedy nominees (with some great cameos by Ellen DeGeneres and others). And then, in another win for pre-planned content, there was also the cute idea of mashing Breaking Bad with The Andy Griffith Show in a sketch that showed poor Barney Fife taking a bullet instead of fiddling with one. And let's not forget Modern Family's cute (but pointless) riff about a demonic child actress on the set and the cast of The Big Bang Theory finally finding at least a moderately amusing way of introducing the accountants who count the votes.
Lucy Liu's Dress: I don't know what it was, but it looked like it was made out of Ryan Lochte's grill. Jeah!
Jon Stewart Calling Out the Emmys: There is nothing better than a 10-time Emmy winner calling the Academy out for how predictable it is and dropping the F-bombzilla while doing so. Didn't keep him from giving up his trophy though. Maybe after 10 he'll finally pull an Oprah and stop entering his show into contention so someone else can win?
Bits: Tracy Morgan (or is it Jordan? I can never remember) showed serious dedication by reclining on the stage for 15 minutes without his nunchucks, even while Hayden Pain Quotidien couldn't figure out what the heck he was doing. (He was trying to help make the Emmys happen on Twitter, which was a bust, because if you paid attention to Twitter at all, you could tell that is all everyone was already talking about.) Amy Poehler pulled off another one of her great comedy moments during the Outstanding Actress in a Comedy Series Category after winner Julia Louis-Dreyfus began reading from the wrong acceptance speech — Amy's. And Jon Stewart enlisted the help of Jimmy Fallon and Stephen Colbert for a little bit of horseplay that we never would have expected. Where is the GIF of that?
Women: Women didn't win any awards for writing or director or doing anything other than acting while in the possession of a vagina (oh, the male-dominated Hollywood biz), but they still managed to steal the show. Not only did we watch a funnylady-led sketch open the show (I only want to see Lena Dunham naked and eating a cake from now on) and Poehler rock her category without winning, but we also laughed along with Tina Fey's funny gag about reading the Teleprompter without her glasses and Melissa McCarthy cracking up Mindy Kaling by sexually harassing all the Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series contestants (nominees, whatever). Who runs the world? Girls.
Louis C.K.: Sure, his Emmys came in the writing category (he's better at that than acting anyway), but if anyone ever deserved top honors, it's this guy. Speaking of which...
Gingers: Between Louis C.K., Damian Lewis, Julianne Moore, the fiery-haired people were on fire last night. Cartman is so pissed right now.
LOSERS
Jimmy Kimmel: Not only did he deliver a snooze of a monologue, but most of his comedy segments during the broadcast were self-involved and uninspired. His "In Memoriam" reel that only featured moments from his own career was the most tediously unfunny moment at an awards show since David Letterman rambled on about Uma and Oprah at the Oscars. Having his parents escorted out by security after he didn't win an Emmy was also pretty darn dumb. He killed it with the videos, but the hosting duties left a lot to be lacking.
Predictability: Yes, Modern Family is a great show, but this is the third year in a row that it has dominated the comedy categories. Snoozeville. And while The Daily Show churns out laughs more consistently than the Duggers have babies, isn't it time to switch things up a bit, Emmys? Give some new people a try. Not only would it make the show more exciting, it would, well, make the show more exciting. That's really what you need. And seriously, stop giving a damn trophy to The Amazing Race. Actually, I think this needs its own subheading.
F**K The Amazing Race: Seriously. F**K it through nine different countries and 14 different cities. It is well past its prime, it is no longer exciting, and whoever wins the first leg of the race always wins the whole show. Spoiler mother-f**king alert. Its year after year win is as boring and predictable as the menu at the retirement home — or, let's face it, the Comedy categories at the Emmys as long as Modern Familiy is in contention. The Amazing Race simply should not win. Voters, do you even watch reality TV? Does everyone with a ballot and a number two pencil think that they can cast a vote for this show and maybe get a free vacation out of it? That's not going to happen. Give it up already. And while you're at it, just give Cat Deeley her damn Emmy too. I mean, Tom Bergeron is nice and all, but he is no Cat Deeley. Admit it, Emmys — we don't care how highbrow you might be, you are still in the same business as the Kardashians.
Ricky Gervais: Sadly, the Brit may have outlived his wit and charm at Awards shows. Not only did he give a tepid performance at the Golden Globes this year, but while presenting two awards Sunday night, he provided barbs with as many teeth as the entire cast of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. Give it a rest already, Ricky.
Playing People Off: The orchestra revved up and played winners off the stage an alarming number of times. Sure, the director of the show joked about it when he won (for directing the Tonys), but by the time Alex Gansa won for Homeland, so many people heard the fat lady sing that he had to complain about it. Even Steven Levitan heard the harpsichord when Modern Family won for one of the night's two big awards. And the orchestra even played off Julianne Freaking Moore when she won for Best Movie Star to Be on HBO This Year. The only person who didn't get the play-off treatment was Kevin Costner, who pretended it was 1994 again by winning an award again and not wearing a tie. That said, good on the orchestra for cutting off Tom Berenger, who used his acceptance speech to ramble on about garden gnomes and moonshine and rabid racoons or something. Maybe he was talking about what he and Costner were doing in the bathroom during the commercial break.
Maggie Smith: Seriously, lady, you've won two years in a row. I know you're old enough to remember when Betty White still had her original hair color, but can't you show up? How dare you deprive us of what must be the best acceptance speech of the night?
Steve Bu-scemi: When did we change the pronunciation of this Boardwalk Empire actor's last name?
Condescending to Michael J. Fox: It's incredibly brave that he continues to work with Parkinson's Disease, but that doesn't mean he wants the whole crowd to stand up just because he walked out on stage to present an award. He does five episodes a season of The Good Wife — let's applaud him for his work on that!
Tom Hank's Mustache: Yes, the actor's wearing it to play Walt Disney in a movie, but we haven't seen anything that spotty since, well, Jimmy Kimmel's monologue.
Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan
[Photo Credit: ABC]
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Oh, the Emmys. These awards can be so crazy and unpredictable! Haha. Just kidding. That was a joke. The Emmys is sort of like a high school prom — the theme changes slightly every year and there is a different king and queen, but it's always the same party with the same streamers in the same gymnasium. That said, who would ever miss their prom?!
Certainly not me, but it does make discerning who is going to be Prom King and Queen — oh, sorry, Best Actor and Actress — kind of easy. And, just like in high school, the person holding the scepter isn't always the one who is most deserving. So, in anticipation of the Awards on Sunday, Sept. 23, here are my picks for who will win... and who should win. I didn't pick a Miss Congeniality, because we all know it would go to Heather Locklear anyway.
Best Drama Series
Boardwalk Empire
Breaking Bad
Downton Abbey
Game of Thrones
Homeland
Mad Men
Will Win: Breaking Bad: The long reign of Mad Men will probably be coming to an end after four consecutive wins and the Academy will most likely reward this other critic's darling, which has a lot more punch and pizazz that voters usually like. That's what being on meth will do to ya! That is, unless these two AMC shows cannibalize each other's votes and we get another winner.
Should Win: Homeland: What this race really needed was some new blood... and there was no show bloodier than the first season of this Showtime hit. Not only was it twisty and unpredictable, it also had amazing performances and told a story that comments on the world we live in now, even a decade after 9/11.
Best Comedy Series
The Big Bang Theory
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Girls
Modern Family
30 Rock
Veep
Will Win: Modern Family: There is no doubt, this is everyone's favorite comedy. Even Ann Romney likes it! Even as it ages, there is no beating this crowd-pleaser.
Should Win: Girls: I was very skeptical of this HBO comedy when it started and I still can't stand most of the characters that populate Lena Dunham's Brooklyn, but that doesn't mean this show shouldn't be recognized. The season ended up being smart, funny, touching, insightful, and speaking to an audience that is otherwise ignored. This is one of those shows that, looking back, will be hailed as a watershed, and not just because it had a girl running through the streets on crack. Though that does help.
Best Leading Actor in a Drama Series
Hugh Bonneville, Downton Abbey
Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire
Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad
Michael C. Hall, Dexter
Jon Hamm, Mad Men
Damian Lewis, Homeland
Will Win: Bryan Cranston: He's won every year he's been eligible and with good reason. Walter White is an absolute monster and it takes someone with the skill of Cranston to turn in a nuanced performance without turning him into another hammy version of Scarface. It leaves us all asking, "Malcolm in the where now?"
Should Win: Damian Lewis: Speaking of nuanced monsters, did you catch the range of emotions Lewis had to go through as a POW who may also be a secret terrorist? And he's not even an American. Does he get extra credit for the great Mid-Atlantic accent (and the shirtless scenes)?
Best Leading Actor in a Comedy Series
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
Don Cheadle, House of Lies
Louis C.K., Louie
Jon Cryer, Two and a Half Men
Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm
Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory
Who Will Win: Louis CK: Wow, most of these nominees are staler than the bag of Bugles that fat Betty Draper left under the couch. Mr. CK ('cause he's nasty) is the only one doing anything exciting or original these days. This will be the ultimate consolation prize for his show not winning any other awards.
Who Should Win: None of these other jokers.
Best Leading Actress in a Drama Series
Kathy Bates, Harry's Law
Glenn Close, Damages
Claire Danes, Homeland
Michelle Dockery, Downton Abbey
Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife
Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men
Who Will Win: Claire Danes: Can you say no to Angela Chase, especially with that head of preternaturally shiny hair? (It's so shiny!) But Danes did earn every vote as a trouble plagued CIA analyst who will do anything to stop a man she thinks is a terrorist. Including cussing more than a sailor who stubbed his toe.
Who Should Win: Elisabeth Moss: Another season and another great turn for Peggy Olson, especially with her arc allowing her to come into her own and leave Sterling, Cooper, Draper, Pryce. What does this girl gotta do to win an award?
Best Leading Actress in a Comedy Series
Zooey Deschanel, New Girl
Lena Dunham, Girls
Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie
Tina Fey, 30 Rock
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep
Melissa McCarthy, Mike &amp; Molly
Amy Poehler, Parks &amp; Recreation
Who Will and Should Win: Julia Louis-Dreyfus: The Academy loves to reward a veteran and, as the only Seinfeld survivor to go on to a successful TV career, Louis-Dreyfus is definitely a vet. But it was her turn as this simultaneously harried and charismatic Vice President that makes her actually deserve this award. Her reading a PSA script from a teleprompter was done as a bit to run with the closing credits, but it was one of the funniest minutes of comedy on the air last year.
Best Miniseries or Movie
American Horror Story
Game Change
Hatfields &amp; McCoys
Hemingway &amp; Gellhorn
Luther
Sherlock
Who Will Win: American Horror Story: Ryan Murphy scared the bejesus out of all of us. No, it wasn't because of the frights in this horror story, but because the show did everything a TV show shouldn't do: It had a storyline that only lasted one season, it kill off the leads, and it honed a talented acting troupe for seasons to come. His risk should pay off for the ultimate reward. No, I don't mean he'll be visited by a guy in a gimp suit (though he might like that).
Who Should Win: Hatfields &amp; McCoys: I'm still not entirely convinced that AHS is a miniseries or movie or if it should be competing in the Best Drama category. If it's not a miniseries, then the statue should go to this crowd-pleaser, which not only brought back the genre as we used to know it, but proved it could be a gigantic hit.
Best Leading Actor in a Miniseries or Movie
Woody Harrelson, Game Change
Clive Owen, Hemingway &amp; Gellhorn
Benedict Cumberbatch, Sherlock: A Scandal in Belgravia (Masterpiece)
Idris Elba, Luther
Kevin Costner, Hatfields &amp; McCoys
Bill Paxton, Hatfields &amp; McCoys
Who Will Win: Kevin Costner: The miniseries or movie categories were basically invented so that the Emmys could get movie stars to attend. And it does this with the promise of gold. It probably won't be any different this year than last year when Kate Winslet won.
Who Should Win: Idris Elba: Call it the Revenge of Stringer Bell.
Best Leading Actress in a Miniseries or Movie
Julianne Moore, Game Change
Connie Britton, American Horror Story
Nicole Kidman, Hemingway &amp; Gellhorn
Emma Thompson, The Song of Lunch (Masterpiece)
Ashley Judd, Missing
Who Will and Should Win: Julianne Moore: With four movie stars in this category, poor Connie Britton (who is quite deserving in her own right) doesn't stand a chance. While Kidman may be the bigger star, it's Moore's stunning transformation into Sarah Palin that should rivet voters. We can almost see her winning from our house.
Best Reality Competition
The Amazing Race
Dancing With The Stars
Project Runway
So You Think You Can Dance
Top Chef
The Voice
Who Will Win: Amazing Race: Ugh, again! When will it end?
Who Should Win: Anyone else: Amazing Race has been a snooze since the Bush Administration, but Academy voters don't know any other shows and think an around the world vacation with their significant other sure looks fun. That's why they keep voting for this. Enough! There are plenty of reality shows on TV — choose someone else! I would go with The Voice, for being the only show to shake up the singing competition formula with any real results.
Best Reality Host
Tom Bergeron, Dancing With The Stars
Cat Deeley, So You Think You Can Dance
Phil Keoghan, The Amazing Race
Ryan Seacrest, American Idol
Betty White, Betty White's Off Their Rockers
Who Will Win: Betty White: The Academy thinks she needs one more trophy before her retirement (or something worse). Also, they have absolutely no respect for the reality categories. For shame!
Who Should Win: Cat Deeley: If you do not think this leggy Brit who is as quick with a punchline as she is with a compassionate shoulder for contestants to cry on doesn't deserve to win, then you are an idiot with no eyes. There, I said it. Speaking of no eyes, she also chooses all her own outfits and they are often – how should I put this? – unique. We need her to show up on stage wearing one.
Best Variety Program
The Colbert Report
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
Real Time with Bill Maher
Saturday Night Live
Who Will Win: The Daily Show with Jon Stewart: I just got off the phone with 2018 and it's still going to win then too. Just accept it.
Who Should Win: Late Night with Jimmy Fallon: You have to appreciate the daffy way he creates viral videos with everything from Barack Obama to the Real Housewives franchise. This is a man who knows that the future of the genre is as much on YouTube as it is on the boob tube.
Best Supporting Actor in a Drama Series
Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad
Giancarlo Esposito, Breaking Bad
Brendan Coyle, Downton Abbey
Jim Carter, Downton Abbey
Jared Harris, Mad Men
Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones
Who Will and Should Win: Giancarlo Esposito: One of the most terrifying villains on television didn't yell and scream and shoot up the place. He took over with quiet determination and a calm exterior that belied a deadly inner life. Esposito's Gus Fring was a study in self-restraint and his end will go down in TV history.
Best Supporting Actress in a Drama Series
Archie Panjabi, The Good Wife
Anna Gunn, Breaking Bad
Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey
Joanne Froggatt, Downton Abbey
Christina Hendricks, Mad Men
Christine Baranski, The Good Wife
Who Will and Should Win: Christina Hendricks: She's long been known for the curves of her body, but this season, it was the curveballs her character threw when she decided to kick out her husband, take her destiny in her own hands, and finally get herself on equal footing with the men (of course, only by making a horrible sacrifice). She's made her portrayal of one of the most complicated women on TV look absolutely easy, so it's about time she had a busty gold lady of her own.
Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series
Ed O'Neill, Modern Family
Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Modern Family
Ty Burrell, Modern Family
Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family
Bill Hader, Saturday Night Live
Max Greenfield, New Girl
Who Will Win: Someone from Modern Family: Just pick one. Does it matter. Maybe Ed O'Neill. Is it his turn yet? Fine, then Ty Burrell. Whatever.
Who Should Win: Max Greenfield: It's a hard job stealing a show called The New Girl while having a Y chromosome, but Greenfield's fully-realized Schmidt was the character who audiences really wanted to see, even as they knew he should be stuffing $10s into the douche jar.
Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series
Mayim Bialik, The Big Bang Theory
Merritt Wever, Nurse Jackie
Julie Bowen, Modern Family
Kristen Wiig, Saturday Night Live
Sofia Vergara, Modern Family
Kathryn Joosten, Desperate Housewives
Who Will Win: Mayim Bialik: Since the boys will be shut out in the acting category, it looks like good old Blossom's work as one of this show's girl geeks is going to get some deserved attention. But look for a possible Kristen Wiig upset for her final season on SNL.
Who Should Win: Merritt Wever: She's long been the funniest thing on Nurse Jackie and she should finally get some recognition for a character that is just on the right side of wacky and vulnerable when she needs to be. If she doesn't get nominated more often, the Academy is on more drugs than Jackie.
Best Supporting Actress in a Miniseries or Movie
Sarah Paulson, Game Change
Frances Conroy, American Horror Story
Jessica Lange, American Horror Story
Judy Davis, Page Eight (Masterpiece)
Mare Winningham, Hatfields &amp; McCoys
Who Will and Should Win: Jessica Lange: There is no one we'd rather watch chew the scenery and destroy lives with a syrupy southern accent than Ms. Jessica Lange. Also, remember the rule about giving these trophies to movie stars?
Best Supporting Actor in a Miniseries or Movie
Ed Harris, Game Change
Denis O'Hare, American Horror Story
David Strathairn, Hemingway &amp; Gellhorn
Martin Freeman, Sherlock: A Scandal in Belgravia (Masterpiece)
Tom Berenger, Hatfields &amp; McCoys
Who Will Win: Ed Harris: I honestly have no idea on this one, but the fact that Ed Harris has been nominated for an Oscar and is competing in a category for movie stars makes him the best bet. Who Should Win: Denis O'Hare: Between Larry Harvey and his Russell Edgington on True Blood, this hard-working character actor finally deserves to scare up a trophy. Scare up. Get it? Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan [Photo Credit: Wenn] More: 2012 Emmy Awards: See the Full List of Nominees! Emmys 2012: 10 Burning Questions! Emmys 2012: Snubs, Shockers and Surprises!

It's confirmed: one of the funniest duos in comedy today are calling it quits. A rep for Amy Poehler and Will Arnett have confirmed to Hollywood.com that the couple are indeed splitting after nine years of marriage.
In what can only be described as a shock, the comedic stars, who wed in August 2003, were known for their work together as well as apart, including a hilarious turn as husband and wife in Arrested Development. The couple have two sons together: Archie, 3½, and Abel, 2.
For comedy fans and believers of true love everywhere, this is devastating news. Can there be hope for the rest of us if an awesome duo like Poehler and Arnett can't stay together? Mark the history books: September 6th, 2012: the day we learned true love is dead. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go lock myself in my closet and weep.
[Photo Credit: WENN]
Follow Alicia on Twitter @alicialutes
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