From the (in)frequency with which they washed their clothes, to how often they *really* attended those lectures, we know it all. So read this at your peril...

Oh, the hangovers. So monumental were these that towards the end, they were probably simply known as D-Day. Short for ‘Doomsday’, of course. As a general rule, your usually sprightly offspring would manage to counter this beast with a mix of fried food, tacky TV and a onesie. It’s best you just don’t think about it, really; the abundance of self-pity they exercised would be enough to make you weep.

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2. Their money management, um… skills?

The seemingly no-catch tri-annual payout from the ‘mysterious Samaritan’ that is the government isn’t really the best model from which to build a sensible attitude towards money, is it? Look. All we’re saying is that the odd few students have been known to open up a second bank account based solely on the fact that it offers another sans-interest thousand-pound overdraft and a free student railcard. But don’t sweat it, they’ll either find themselves on a grad scheme or get a job as a waiter post-uni and pay it off in no time.

3. The food they ate

Yes, you may have made it your life’s work to instil the concept of a balanced diet into your precious children for the past 18 years. But for many, that important information unfortunately finds itself thrown straight out the window before you’ve even had the chance to utter the words ‘miss you’, as you wave forlornly through the gates of their halls of residence. From then on, it’s more ‘beige meals’ and dry-store noodles than you can shake a stick at. Sorry about that.

4. The state of their student digs

Remember that bedroom you labelled a pigsty and the kitchen you said probably bred more bacteria than a public toilet? That was probably the clean version of their student house. But let’s be glass-half-full about this, shall we? They came out of it alive…

5. Their time management, or lack thereof

It’s not uncommon for LastMinute.com to become less ‘useful website’ and more ‘way of life’ for the average student. And it’s also not uncommon for them to underplay exactly how late they’re leaving their assignments. Which is exactly why they are on the phone to you, the night before dissertation hand-in day, melting into a pool of their own tears. But trust us, this ordeal will only make them 16,483 times more proud when they come out of it with a good grade. 6. Their routine

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In short, they don’t have one any more. Unless a Netflix binge for at least three hours every day without fail counts as a routine. They used to get up at 7am daily to catch the bus to school, but for some reason (unbeknown to all fully-fledged adults), as soon as that student card is placed in hand, 8.30am becomes the equivalent of dawn, and the concept of a 9am lecture is quite frankly insulting. So their attendance isn’t quite tip-top.

7. Their laundry habits

You’ve encouraged them to change their bed sheets every two weeks for as long as you can remember. But it just so happens that, without that gentle nudge, the washing is one task that gets left right at the bottom of the pile. Which is why, by the end of term, they’re resorting to buying new knickers from Primark as a means of maintaining some element of basic hygiene. 8. The real reason for their lack of communication

Those texts you received following an unanswered call, explaining that their absence of conversation was due to a strenuous stint in the library they were currently enduring? Unlikely. Much more feasible, in fact, is that they’re in the midst of a Breaking Bad marathon and they can’t quite tear themselves away. Now we’re probably being a little harsh, but independence is one perk of being a student that really is worthwhile.

Have we scared you a little? There’s no need to lose sleep, because the chances are your offspring are probably much more sorted than we ever were at university. And if you are still harbouring concerns, just remember: they still came out of it as a rounded, fully alive human with a great bunch of friends, an unforgettable experience AND a degree under their belt. See? There was never any need to worry.

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