I feel really embarrassed I went to the pharmacy today to get some thrush insertion cream with applicators, I used to have trouble inserting them and broke part of my hymen using them after heaps of antibiotics and then I allowed a doctor to vaginally examine me as a virgin and she broke what was left and it is painful when doctors do a internal examination of the cervix, uterus and ovaries you feel like you have been savaged and pulled apart. I try to avoid them at the best of times and have not had one since but every few years I have to have a internal ultrasound they insert because I have had blood in urine and enlarged ovary and swelling and my doctor was concerned about a cancer tumour in the bladder and of course panicked the hell out of me over that.

I told my gp who is a cancer spec****st that I will come back first from my cruise and then have a pap smear and I like them to use the smallest of the Disposable plastic Vaginal speculums and never ever let a doctor put a metal one in it fucking hurts and cuts so bad. it always bleeds every-time I have them anyway, and when they take the cells they have to scratch the cervix so it does bleed a bit anyway and you can't have sex for about 12-15 weeks after it or that can cause cancers from the sperm on to the cut that needs to heal.

so last time I was at the doctor I said I felt a lump and he said there is a cyst and its too deep for him and he wants me to go back to my gyno-obstetrician surgeon who did the biopsies for cancers.

first I wanted to go on the cruise feeling un- m****ted and cut, and also if I did meet someone I want to have sex with on holidays or cruising at least it won't matter so long as use protection.

I am envious because I want to work in pharmacy tech and doing nursing course with midwifery, I just want to be working in a medical environment and feeling good about me.

so anyways I have to use this vaginal cream and I want to be working back in pharmacy or medical. I am just as good as those women.