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Sterling sells LA Clippers for $2B

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. He began his stand-up comedy career at The Comedy Store and has made a number of appearances on The Tonight Show. He has written for television series such as The Richard Pryor Show and Laugh-In.

Brazil’s government on Wednesday started requiring women under 25 who are applying for a job in the Education Ministry to take a virginity test. This could affect the upcoming election. Bill Clinton just announced he has filed papers to run for president of Brazil.

Fox News reported a medical study which discovered that highly trained dogs could sniff out prostate cancer with a 99 percent accuracy rate. This is terrifying news for men. If you think it was uncomfortable having a gloved hand up there, just wait until it’s a Schnauzer.

The L.A. Clippers sale went through Tuesday with Donald Sterling selling the team for $2 billion. The beleaguered Sterling declared he’s tired of battling political correctness and racial outrage. He’s going to take the $2 billion and buy the Washington Redskins.

Justin Bieber’s attorney reached a plea deal with Florida prosecutors reducing his drunk driving and drag racing charges in Miami. He’s so polarizing. A recent photograph showed him smoking a joint and fans of Bieber were shocked, and fans of marijuana were embarrassed.

Charles Manson confirmed from California prison he will marry a 25-year-old groupie. He led a murderous L.A. cult called the Manson Family who butchered celebrities at a Benedict Canyon house party in 1969. His friends agree it’s nice to see him finally settle down.

Mitt Romney was encouraged to run for president again Tuesday after polls showed him skyrocketing among voters. It’s close. Hillary Clinton has got a 50-point lead over Romney among Hispanics but Mitt Romney has got a 90-point lead among people who hire Hispanics.

Congress was flooded with e-mails demanding the U.S. rescue besieged Christians in Iraq from ISIS. The House is in summer recess but you can reach your representative right away if you have his contact numbers. They are $10,000, $25,000 and $50,000.

The Pentagon sent 300 Marines to northern Iraq as advisors on humanitarian aid. They promised there’d be no boots on the ground. That means we’ll find out a year from now that the Pentagon paid $10,000 for each pair of Adidas.

President Obama dismissed Hillary Clinton’s criticism of his foreign policy with a vulgar term Tuesday and pointed to his record. He just hosted a White House dinner that included African dictators. He wanted some tips on how to lead a nation in poverty without a constitution.

Hillary Clinton retracted her criticism of Obama’s foreign policy Monday. It sparked cries she’s inauthentic. If people ever figure out she’s really a Tory Methodist who started out as a Goldwater Girl, it’ll cost her the Democratic nomination and hand her the Republican nomination.

The White House warned millions Tuesday they will lose their health insurance policies if they don’t verify their citizenship. Rumors are flying. It’s not true President Obama is about to open the U.S. border to everyone and then introduce a new health care plan called EbolaCare.

South Korea merchants sold half a million Pope Francis T-shirts with his photo on them at seven bucks apiece for his arrival today in Seoul. His first sermon should be fun. The pope heard about the T-shirt sales and added copyright infringement to the list of Seven Deadly Sins.

USA Today reports that Russian bombers and their fighter escorts have been flying very close to the West Coast of the United States in the past week. They would have no trouble at all penetrating U.S. airspace. The planes are camouflaged to look like Central American children.

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.

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