Tag Archives: james cameron

“¿Terra? No Va” translates to “Terra? Doesn’t Go.” As in, “With such a great premise Terra Nova could go SO MANY AMAZING PLACES, but choses not to.”

I have written at least four pages of stream of consciousness, black and white notebooks from Se7en-style commentary on how I would fix Terra Nova. I am going to try to arrange it into a coherent, readable, non-manifesto format and post it here for your perusal. The bottom line is Terra Nova is a FANTASTIC concept with loads of potential that the writers and producers of the show seem hell bent on completely ignoring. I have several holiday-time, family-style obligations keeping me from organizing my mad ramblings now (plus I’ve been awake for 2ish days and the voices are starting to make some really good points), so check back over the weekend and hopefully I will have completed my transformation into a great and terrible red dragon… posted my thoughts on how to fix Terra Nova.

COMMENTERS: Who else could save Terra Nova and how would they do it? How would you save it (which specific issues would you address)? Do you think it doesn’t need saving? That is certainly an opinion one could have… IF THEY WERE A SIXER SPIE! Of course there is no actual punishment in Terra Nova for being a Sixer spie, so… carry on I guess.

It being holiday-type times and all, I thought I would mention that I have an Amazon wish list. It mostly consists of Blu-Rays right now, since I finally got a Blu-Ray player (mostly to more conveniently stream Netflix). So there’s that if you are interested. If you’d like to send a card or anything else for that matter, the mailing address is on the contact page.

“Jam Hog” is a name for a penis that rings of elegance, grace and simple beauty. But it is also a strong name. Mostly because of the JAM part. That conjures a certain imagery. Hogs are pretty strong too.

DICK JOKES! Josh IRL has a GIANT new 3D plasma TV at his home that is actually the one James Cameron watches deep sea documentaries on. I, on the other hand have the same 5 year old plasma that Cameron’s mechanic has in his guest room. Were Josh’s new TV placed betwixt me and the demon sun, Sol, it would surely blot out the DoomStar for eons. The crops would wither, the Earth would fall cold and silent. It’s a big ass TV, is what I’m saying. 65 inches is somehow orders of magnitude bigger than 55 inches. Though I think Josh would be the first to tell you how much impact 10 inches can have. MORE DICK JOKES! Aren’t you glad you got on the Internet today? [Dont forget to check the rollever text for more… you guessed it! Dick jokes!]

COMMENTERS: Using the rules established in the panels above, please come up with more names for Josh’s… well, you get the idea. Perhaps tell the stories and sing the songs of how it came to be known by such names. Perhaps not.

The next time you’re about to say “dick” or “cock,” try saying “wiener” instead. It’s a funny word. I bet you’ll get a little chuckle and some self satisfaction out of it. If you are having a hard time spelling the word, remember this simple rule: I before E except after C, or when sounding like “wiener” when talking to a hispanic gentleman.

I haven’t seen Piranha 3D yet, but the real Josh did explain it as being something akin to staring into the face of God Almighty while an Angel sperms in your eye. James Cameron disagrees. Or perhaps he agrees completely but considers the God-face-Angel-sperm thing as a negative selling point. Either way it seems like the kind of thing you should see in theaters and with friends. I can’t image the fish-fueled-flesh-frenzy has the same impact when you’re at home alone, streaming it from Netflix on your Wii. Those hundreds of gallons of blood will seem like meer pints.

READER CHALLENGE: Any Fancy Bastard that provides video evidence of drinking Vodka (or some other type of booze) through a Twinkie filter (which must be crammed on the neck of the bottle) will get a signed print of this comic and another signed print of any comic of your choosing. Make this happen. Do it for me.UPDATE: I’m going to limit this to the first 5 FB’s that provide proof. Otherwise it’s going to get expensive for me.

UPDATE 2: SOMEONE ACTUALLY DID IT!!! FB Jason did the Vodkawinkie and posted a video on Youtube. It’s a lot messier than I thought it would be.

UPDATE 3: Looks like Sean, Kristin and JonnyAce did the deed, and so did Paco! That’s all for the prizes but I still encourage you to experiment with this terrible idea. I had a thought, that maybe if you leave the Twinkie in the wrapper and open both ends it would create sort of a Twinkie filter straw situation. Anyone care to try it out?

I wonder if George Lucas went into Avatar thinking, “Heh, I’ll see Jimmy Cameron’s new movie. I’m sure it’ll be good for a laugh, but we ALL know who the reigning champ of 100% wooden digital characters is.” Oh, Georgie Georgie Georgie, you fat necked lummox. If Cameron can create CG characters with realistic human emotions and less than ridiculous accents, then why can’t you? Maybe he’ll teach a class at a community college next year and you can enroll. The funny thing is that Cameron waited nearly 12 years until technology caught up with his vision, so Avatar could look the way he saw it in his head. Lucas, on the other hand, made 2 awesome movies (and a third crappy one), then waited 20 years until technology caught up to his vision to digitally ruin them with pointless bullshit.

I’m trying to save my full on Avatar review for the next HE Podcast, but let’s just say I was thoroughly entertained and impressed. [UPDATE! The Podcast is posted and we talk about Avatar for nearly half the show.] A lot of people are complaining that the story and writing take a back seat to the visuals, but else do you expect? James Cameron already used three of the dimensions making the movie beautiful, so of course there’s only one dimension left for everything else. Seriously, if you leave that movie and find yourself complaining rather than drooling for more you might as well sign up for the junior executive program at FOX because your heart has probably been replaced by a hate-filled pineapple.

I could very easily rant for pages and pages about how visually stunning the 3D was, how lifelike the motion captured performances were or how engrossed I was in the fictional world that Jame Cameron created but I’d rather just say this: the reason I know Avatar was well deserving of my (and your) entertainment time and money was that I left the theater asking questions. What are the far reaching implications of this characters actions? How will the final outcome affect Earth? How will it affect those already in transit to the planet (since it’s a 6 year ride)? Are there other inhabited worlds? Was the end really THE END? The list goes on and on. I don’t often find my curiosity so peaked over fiction without substance. Take from that what you will, but at least ignore the hype and approach Avatar with an open (if not childlike) mind.

Why send in all the blue-cat hybrid clones, mech warriors, and hover tanks and such when you could just hire Tony Stark to fly in and repulsor ray the shit out of the Navi and secure Pandora’s rich mineral deposits for the good ol’ US of Earth (while simultaneously securing a little alien strange for himself)? Seems like a waste of resources and a waste of an opportunity to pick up some cool offworld venereal diseases.

I am at a fanboy crossroads. I really can’t decide if I want to go through all the effort of getting a baby sitter this weekend just so I can see Jame’s Cameron’s 3 hour, 3D eye-splode Avatar, or if I just want to stay home and watch the Iron Man 2 trailer over and over and over and over and over. Both prospects are equally exciting to me.

I probably will see Avatar this weekend (and also do the Iron Man 2 thing), but since I havn’t yet feel free to post your thoughts/judgments in the comments. Future of film making or forgettable fluorescent feline frenzy?

SHIPPING UPDATE!!!
If you ordered an Edward shirt on Dec 2nd, 3rd or 4th we are doing everything possible to get your shirt to you by 12/24. Some of them probably won’t make it in time. We’re doing our best.