Epic failure has a new home.

Lettuce wraps and epic fail.

So, I enjoyed a tasty meal of Americanized Chinese food at the PF Chang’s in Chandler last night. I was joined there, though at a separate table, by failing (failed?) DBacks reliever Jon Rauch. He of the 7.23 ERA, .313 opponents BA, and giver-upper of back-to-back RBI singles as part of the DBacks blowing a six-run lead in the 8th and 9th innings to lose on Monday. I was about to throw a potsticker at his big noggin to appropriately demonstrate my frustration with his suckitude until I realized 1) that dude is literally seven feet tall and goes 290,

Crikey! Look at the size of that dude!

2) he has a huge tattoo on his NECK,

Rauch displays his 2009 Blown Saves in Roman Numerals

and 3) I am a wuss. But internally, boy-o, I mocked the shit out of him. Take that Rauch. So, epic fail for both of us. Dear AJ: teach that guy a baby hook and trade him for cash to the Rockets. I hear they need a center and he sure as hell has no business pitching again.