Saturday, November 1, 2014

It's been a difficult week. Really pretty darn ugly in fact. Rubbed me raw. Hurt my heart. Buckets of tears. And through it all I did what I always do in public ... just keep on keepin' on and no one had a clue to how close I came to falling apart. Or running away.

But I didn't fall apart. And I didn't run away. Because, after all, that's not what I do. Ever.

So I cocooned. Cocooning works for me. I came home from work each night and went straight to bed. Pulled those covers right up over my head. And slept more than I have since ... well since before Vern was diagnosed, I think.

And today - instead of doing the Light the Night Walk I had planned in memory of Vern - I stayed in my jammies and spent time at my laptop. Just did not have it in me to put on that happy face and be in a crowd today. The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society received my donation along with those of the few friends who supported me, so that's what was most important.

And what did I receive? Well ... I received an important reminder of a conversation I had with a very special little girl two years ago.

My November Brave Box arrived. Brave Girl Soul School is a gift I've given myself and this month's focus is Everyday Gratitude. I opened up the box of beautiful artwork and lessons and important words and knew this was what I needed to spend time on today. I really do believe that taking time to recognize the good things in our life, the everyday things that we often take for granted, can make a huge difference in how we hold up under life's struggles. I had lost sight of that this week.

So I started watching the project videos and there was Eden! What a wonderful gift to hear her sweet voice again. You see, Eden and I shared a seat on the Brave Bus at Brave Girl Camp in November 2012 and had a really wonderful conversation. That little girl is blessed well beyond her years. She saw me. Really saw me. And said things to me that touched my soul.

But now it's two years later. And my soul was bruised and I had forgotten her words. Until tonight. Tonight I remembered. Thank you, sweet Eden. What a blessing you are to me ... to this world.

About Me

I lost my husband on Sept. 22, 2010 after a 4+ year battle with Multiple Myeloma, a blood cancer that attacks the bone marrow. I started this blog at the beginning of my journey and I've learned many things along the way ... most important is that I will survive this new alone life. The missing of Vern will stay in my heart forever, but I honor him as I fill each day with kindness, love, beauty and charity.