Why Older Men Prefer Younger Women. Or Don’t.

On January 7, 2011, I posted a piece titled “The Myth of Older Men Wanting Younger Women.”I said that, in spite of the common belief that all older men are chasing after younger women, my experience has been otherwise. The response was instant and strong. On both sides of the aisle.

On February 28, 2012, I posted a follow up, “Older Men, Younger Women: Fact or Unicorn?” in which I reiterated and clarified my position in the first piece. I did so because, as a writer who always seeks to bring truth and enlightenment to the unwashed masses, I looked at the first piece and thought, “Man, that’s a shitload of hits. I gotta milk this baby again.”

Now, I am compelled to speak about this issue a third time, not because of potential hits (I have taken a vow of celibacy over the rampant accumulation of hits), but because two pieces on HuffPost (a publication characterized by its relentless ignoring of my work) have just wrestled this issue to the ground and stomped all over it with jackboots.

A HuffPost video in the last couple days, Why Older Men Date Younger Women, was sort of like a bleating National Enquirer headline, that, like me in high school, seemed to promise everything and deliver nothing.

The video began with an actual man who said he was 64 years old and dated women who were considerably younger than he was because “women closer to my age are less dreamy.” At first I thought the word “dreamy” had the same meaning as that used in any Elvis Presley film. But he was actually talking about women who have dreams, i.e. “are still optimistic and have a good attitude toward life.”

In case you were shoveling peanuts in your mouth while reading this, and got distracted, you read it correctly. The reason to date younger women has nothing to do with sex or youth or perky breasts. It’s because younger women are joyful about life, while older women are “jaded due to bad experiences with men.” He continues, “I want a woman who shares my passion for life. Women my age don’t have that.” He strongly asserts that “this has nothing to do with sex. Younger women speak to me.” OK, Unnamed Guy. I get it. Younger Woman=No Sex, Just Joy About Life.

This was followed by the next segment, from a human being who did not own a penis, but who was married to one. The penis in question was 15 years younger than she was and he was still following her around with his tongue skimming the floor. On a scale of one to five, sex was a number that hasn’t been invented yet. She explained, “Younger women want to be loved. Older women want to be loving.” To show how loving she is, she continued, “I could marry anyone. I love everyone. If my husband drowned in a pool of his own semen, I could marry the next man who came along.” (Well, OK, she didn’t exactly say that, but it’s my blog. Arrest me.) The equation then becomes Younger Man=Rip Roaring Ohmygod Sex or Any Man=Rip Roaring Ohmygod Sex.

The video continued with how boomers could be successful at dating. It was so riveting that I was forced to consume the soggy walnuts from a salad we had several nights ago.

Last were the statistics. Out of a thousand (or a billion) boomers, the results were
31% preferred to date people their same age
42.5% preferred younger
14.5% preferred older
12% preferred either a banana, a blow up doll, or a model of Donald Trump’s head.

So, hoopla aside, 45.5% preferred to date people their age or older. Doesn’t give much credibility to the title of the piece.

In sum, only one segment out of three had anything to do with older men wanting to date younger women, and that segment left a bit to be desired, credibility-wise. So let’s move on to a piece Ken Solin wrote recently for HuffPost titled “Why Boomer Women are Perfect for Boomer Men.” In it, he writes,

“I’ve known lots of boomer men who were still trying, but mostly failing, to extend their casual sex years beyond their physical capabilities. When they try, it’s nearly always with younger, tight-bodied women who fuel their sexual fantasies. Is there anyone on the planet who honestly doesn’t know why older men date younger women? Okay, it’s about sex. Glad to clear up any lagging doubts. This is a fallacy, however. At 67, I’m having the best sex ever, and it’s with a 63-year-old woman. Great sex stems from the heart, not the head. But that’s another topic for later.”

Solin also writes “Women over 50 have far more emotional, sexual and intellectual depth than younger women.”

So Solin has a mildly different interpretation of the whole older man, younger woman thing. This is like our present Congress having a “mildly” different interpretation of leadership.

Hey, let’s not insult younger women here (If we do, my daughter will bar me from seeing my grandchildren). Maybe a better way to say it is that women over 50 are solid in the social/emotional/sexual department. They are also optimistic, “dreamy,” are not scarred for life over “bad experiences with men,” and can be just as vital as women far younger than them.

If you are a man and you want to date younger women, I wish you the best of luck. Just be real, please. Don’t say it’s because women your age are deficient in some way or that you can’t relate to them. And don’t say all older men want women who can bear them children. We’ve heard that before, also. In fact we’ve heard everything before. The only thing that matters is real, honest compatibility. That, and a lot of hits on this post. I lied about the celibacy part.

The first guy is kind of generalizing about younger women. I should know because I am younger and have been cynical and pessimistic about life since about 13. I think the general consensus should be if someone is willing to have sex with you, that’s pretty great. That is the trend.

My daughter is always getting on my case about being a half-full glass person. I tried being a full-glass person once, but the water splashed out and I dropped the glass and it shattered all over me and I ended up in the emergency room and no one wanted to have sex with me there.

This is an hilarious explanation of old truths. Men have to recognize their shortcomings before they realize that their peer group is better! A lot of men don’t want to admit that they have entered a new phase of their lives. But I do agree about the “dreamy” part in that some young woman have more hope and dreams than older women — they hope to get someone to take care of them and they dream of the life they might have.

A divorced male relative of mine (whose wife left him because he was never there, even when he was there) decided to start dating again and said he only wanted to date women his own age. He thought they’d want less and wouldn’t want to start a new family. What he found is that they weren’t always available when he wanted to go to a movie, etc. (He traveled a lot) because they had already established lives. In the end, he married a woman 17 years younger than himself because she went out of her way to be available. In fact, she chased him all over the place. Perhaps I’m being cynical when I say that she also saw in him someone who was financially able to help her raise her two young sons and also keep her in the style to which she would like to become accustomed. They are still married after almost 20 years. She complains about the same stuff the first wife did, but she makes sure she gets what she wants in compensation.

Thanks, Catherine. I say good for both of them. When it works, it works, no matter what the circumstances. Older man, older woman, same age, whatever. I also think that some people mellow with age and so second relationships are a bit easier.

I do think they are a good match. His first wife was very passive aggressive. She thought if she pouted, he’d ask “What’s wrong?” and then try to fix it. Instead, he thought: “Hey, she doesn’t want me around. I’ll go play golf.” The second wife tells him what she wants. He likes that approach. He doesn’t always comply, but he often does.

My husband is so cool. When we were dating, he was 47 and I was 40. He said I barely made it in under the wire. Any younger and he wouldn’t have asked me out. Even now we sometimes have moments of disbelief at our age difference; e.g. that he was in the Marines when I was in high school. Or that he didn’t get Led Zeppelin. Now 20 years later, he likes that I am inventively wicked, as befits my advanced age.

I was going to comment on this, but noticed you’re reading Gone Girl. My wife had the same reaction – just couldn’t stop reading. Loved loved loved it. Then she gave me the play-by-play of the whole book, so I’m not feeling in a rush to read it…

And now I have to go to work… so I’ll return with thoughts on your actual topic.

I am so lazy, it’s ridiculous. I was going to write entire paragraphs about the book, then never did. I finished it awhile ago, loved every single page except I wasn’t crazy about the end. But I’ve started several books since then and can’t seem to get past halfway. Another book that grabbed me like Gone Girl was Defending Jacob.

We could reverse this whole conversation, too! I could generalize and say that I found men my own age not so dreamy and not so filled with passion for life (or passion for that matter) … lol! But I think it was just my choice of men. I did, however, fall deeply in love with the biggest teddybear, lover and now hubby who is 7 years younger than me (and I’m glad to say he has to work to keep up with me). We’ve “been together” just over five years – I think I finally made the right choice – irrespective of age for me!

Too bad people “stereotype” others …. age taken out of the equation, true compatibility and friendship are the cornerstones of a good relationship!

Great post, Lynne! To make such ridiculous generalizations about women our age speaks to the shallowness of the man/men interviewed. Yes, there are some older women who act beyond their years, and there are just as many who are vibrant and life-loving vixens. What makes these men such bargains is the question I have? They are “old” too!

My name is Renee, but thank you Mindy! Yes, the generalizations about this stuff is often ridiculous. There was another recent article I found that was so ridiculous that I couldn’t even include it, except for the comment at the end about older men dating younger women so they could have children.

Great piece, just right up my alley. I wrote a novel with some of the stories about dating and match making. My conclusion after running a match making agency for the mature crowd was most daters are not really interested in finding a match whatever that may be, but are in love with the idea of a mate that is super…whatever their dreams can construct:more mature, rich, young, good looking, can give great sex, whatever. Only seriously emotionally mature and rational people found a mate.
Johanna

Thanks, Johanna. I started and ran a speed dating company for several years. A lot of people did end up together as a result, but the ones who didn’t were often stuck in their perception of “how things should be” and couldn’t see past that.

It sounds like a confusing article to me what with the strong statement and lack of real data to back it up. It’s certainly thought-provoking and your commentary on it all vascillated between brilliant and hysterical. Thanks for the laughs!
And regarding the dreamy thing: My grandma remarried last year, just after she turned 70 and that lady is my model for life. She ended up marrying a man who is 7 years younger because that’s what worked for them. He adores her, they travel, they sail, they trap shoot, they’re having the time of their lives. Dreamy? She’s got dreams in spades. And it’s all us grandkids can do to try to keep up with her. 🙂

Thanks, Audrey. I love your grandma. So many of the women I know who are my age (65) are out there, do their thing, whatever that is and wherever it takes them. They are visionary, outrageous, and always up for what’s next.

It’s such a great example to us “younger” gals that age really is just a number and life will be what you choose to make of it. We have quite the role models to follow – women who are full of life at every phase! 🙂 Love your blog. Thanks!

As a young woman, I loved this post and even giggled at a few parts. Overall great article full of truth. I am young but I still have so much to learn. And it’s so true my mom is still full of dreams therefore stating that older women aren’t “dreamy” is just ridiculous. Loved it!

I have a fiend that wants to date men her own age, but according to her, they only want to go out with younger women. This has forced her into relationships with younger men and then she usually tires of them and what she calls neediness. To date she is still looking for someone within about a 5 or 6 year difference. She is physically beautiful, independent, has lots of friends, and even has dreams…this makes me think that older men just want younger. Maybe it’s just the ego.

I don’t know where she is looking, but that wasn’t my experience. When I was on Match.com and I saw a man who looked really interesting but who was looking for younger women, I wrote to him. I always said, “Hi, your profile caught my eye. I know I am outside your age parameter, but I just wanted to know you sound great and I wish you the best in your search.” In almost all cases, he would write back and say, “Hold on! I just wrote that age because I had to write something. Let’s talk.”

She has never used that kind of service. She is meeting them naturally in her day to day activities. I don’t know if she is open to doing this or not. She is not the only one that is telling me this, so maybe they would do better to try a dating service.

Dear, dear Renee. You know I adore you, right? Well, I do. I say that because I’m still growing into my new filter-less brain and I’m still in that in-between stage when sometimes I’m afraid of what will come out.

Ok, now that that’s on the table . . . to me this question is like “Do (gentle)men prefer blondes?” Or petite women.

As a life-long brunette on the tall side (except for infancy, when I was bald and diminutive and, to be honest, pudgy), I submit that there are (gentle)men who would tell you or any surveyor that they prefer leggy brunettes, but my experience has been that 100 % of those theoretically surveyed go for the petite blonde when presented with the opportunity.

As an older woman of eligible status for a few years, I submit that there are men who will tell you or any surveyor that they prefer women their age or older, but my experience has been that 100% of them go for the younger woman when presented with the opportunity.

Extrapolating from my experience, I find it noteworthy that perhaps your experience suggests that blonde and petite trump age, which still depresses the bejeebers out of me. 🙂

This is fascinating because 1. the overwhelming number of couples I know who met later in life are age compatible, except for two couples in which the women are 13 or 14 years older. 2. I don’t remember writing anything about hair color, but as a natural brunette, I can attest that when I started to color my hair, I got way more looks from men. 3. I have always thought that men preferred taller women, but it’s not anything I ever thought about deeply. So the answer is no, I don’t think that blond and petite trump age. I think compatible age trumps anything else. I adore you too, and I think that, based on the comments I get whenever I write about the age thing, that we all have different perspectives. I also think that when we all reach a certain age, thank goodness, we can finally toss the filters and speak our mind.

Why older men prefer younger women??? Because they want to feel younger again, they are afraid of women of the same age or older…believe 2/3 of men are intimidated of women of their own age or older. They aim for younger ones, because they have big attraction bonus to the stupid ones, their age. To tell you the harsh truth, men who date younger women are losers or horny douches who compensate for their lacking younger days. There are only few men who have the balls to date same age or older women.

Men want a younger woman because “older women are “jaded due to bad experiences with men.” And what men caused these bad expériences? Most probably the men who now want the younger less jaded women, maybe so that they can jade those as well ;-).

Top Posts

Life in the Boomer Lane: Musings of A Former Hula Hoop Champion

If you can't get enough of Life in the Boomer Lane's humor, or, if your life is tawdry and meaningless, you can purchase many of LBL's posts in Kindle format, for the same price as you would pay for a mojo grande salted caramel skim latte. Or, you can buy the book and the latte as well, and really live it up. Just don't spill the latte all over the Kindle in your exhuberance.

Go to the Kindle section on Amazon and search Life in the Boomer Lane. Your life will change immediately.