Spanking in America

There seems to be more news about spanking. I recently saw a story about a judge in Texas spanking his daughter and that character Dog the Bounty Hunter's son was caught spanking his son. This sparked me to look up how many schools still allow corporal punishment today. It seems to be 19 states still allow corporal punishment. I say petition Barack Obama to lead an effort to outlaw it nationwide.

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John, I am not an expert but I would definately start reading up on positive behavior support. In addition there are so many variables to families and people that I would get professional help. I would go to counseling myself to learn how to cope and to have at least a small amount of support. I would also start an inventory of all the advantages you are giving away to a person who does not respect you, even if that person is your child. That inventory will allow you to make some choices of what you can afford to give away and what you cannot. Some of those advantages may even be the words out of your mouth. I would also look into eating healthy, exersize regularly, and get plenty of sleep. Being good to yourself is great for role modeling to your child. Self respect and trust is what you want in a relationship. Hitting will never get that. Sometimes parents need to put themselves in timeout and to just breath through their frustrations without reacting. Hurting your self or others achieves no healing. Success only comes from a nurturing place. Remember, you may not be able to put someone else in counseling but you can certainly put yourself there.

Lack of solutions is the problem. What do you do with a 13 year old who is absolutely unreasonable, disrespectful and disobedient. Just does whatever they like, and you can't stop them. They know exactly what it's doing to you, but don't give a damn. If you take them to professional counselling, mediation, whatever, they either won't speak at all, or grunt rudely. That's if you can talk them into going at all. They have no fear of authority whatsoever. What course of action do you suggest?

If you are a parent you do the best that you can and actively investigate new options that allow you and your child to cooperate without hitting. I believe most parents take offense and become guarded when someone challenges corporal punishment becuase they feel someone wants to interfere with their personal lives. Self defense is an action you might take in order to prevent harm to those you care for. Premeditative threats and abuse is a different issue. The line only gets blurred when you know that a family is or has become abusive through the lack of solutions, support and will. My number one concern in this message is on public schools. The public school should be a place where professionals work together to solve problems of educating a student, not hitting them.

No one with half a brain wants to hit children. But what can you do when they misbehave, and won't stop? It's happened to me, and it can make your life a misery. The child becomes the Alpha. They have control. Any suggestions?

I read the comment by John Camilli. Talk openly like that in Australia, and they'll organize a lynching party for you. The shock collar is a very good illustration of what he's saying. I have them on my dogs, and their first lesson frightens the shit out of them, but they never do it again. You have no more trouble, and peace of mind knowing the dogs are safe. The discipline in schools and at home, or lack of it is a problem here in Australia too. In schools, the worst they can do is suspend, or in extreme on going cases, expulsion. So kids and their friends deliberately play up so they all get suspended. Sometimes up to a week for repeat offenders. They are given lots of work to do at home as further punishment, but they don't do it. They all go out and have a good time. When they return to school without the homework, there's no recourse either. Only more suspension. If you discipline a child at home, maybe only confiscate a toy as punishment for unacceptable behaviour, (This actually happened to my dentist.) there's a government run organization who used to advertise on TV for children to phone in if they are being abused. They have more powers than the police, and will come to your house and take the child. Won't believe you, and you are in deep shit. After it's all settled, you get the child back if you are able to prove your innocence, sometimes at great cost. The greater cost is that you then carry the stigma in the community of a child abuser. We all know what gossip can do. Better move to another town. Stay in the USA John.

This reminded me of a case of domestic abuse here in South Australia a few years back. I can't recall all the details, but the woman was being violently raped and bashed by her loving caring husband, and he wasn't even a towellhead. The magistrate seemed to think she had wasted the courts time and resources bringing such a trivial matter to task. He adopted an indignant and superior male attitude, and his comment at the conclusion the case was: "Women should expect a bit of rough handling." Come to Australia girls. The justice system will look after you.

So, are we suppose to teach kids some discipline with stern words and deprivation? Y'know my mom had a dog that she refused to put a shock collar on, because she thought it was cruel. The dog just got hit by a car and spent two hours choking up blood between crushed internal organs before being put down because it never learned to stay out of the road!

I don't like causing other people pain, but I would rather swat a kid on the ass for running into the street than watch a truck roll over and kill the kid. Wouldn't you? And, sure, it would be nice if there were a more effective way to engender a lesson than with pain, but there isn't. Pain, or rather combinations of pain and pleasure, are the most effective way to alter behavior. Unless you have a better solution?