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Two priests were going on vacation.
They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.
As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.
The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their 'tourist' garb.
They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a drop dead gorgeous blonde in a topless bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare.
As the blonde passed them she smiled and said 'Good Morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father,' nodding and addressing each of them individually, then she passed on by. They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests?
So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits.
These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them! Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a little while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a different coloured topless bikini, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them.
Again she nodded at each of them, said, 'Good morning, Father ~ Good morning, Father,' and started to walk away. One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, 'Just a minute, young lady.'
Yes, Father?
“We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world do you know we are priests, dressed as we are?'
She replied, 'Father, it's me............ Sister Kathleen!'

__________________

Signature stolen by a horde of carnivorous bunnies. It is an unscientifically proven fact that they are attracted to signatures which break the signature rules.

Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.'
Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.'
The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'
Chuck said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'
The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him?
Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
The farmer said 'You can't raffle off a dead donkey!'
Chuck said, 'Sure I can, watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'
A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?'
Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898.00.'
The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'
Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him back his two dollars.'
Chuck now works for Goldman Sachs.

__________________

Signature stolen by a horde of carnivorous bunnies. It is an unscientifically proven fact that they are attracted to signatures which break the signature rules.

I was reading the RRS site when I came across this post. It's absolutely hilarious.

Spoiler for Final Exam Question:

This message comes from a graduate of the Univerisity of Oklahoma Chemical Engineering Department via an acquaintance of mine who sends out a "Daily Silly" to a large group of people. It cites one of Dr.Schlambaugh's final test questions for his final exam for 1997. [Note: Dr. Schlambaugh is known for asking questions on his finals like:"Why do airplanes fly?"] This was an "actual question" given on a University of Washington chemistry midterm.

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with proof.

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for temperature and the pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until All Hell breaks loose.
2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese Banyan during my Freshman year, that "It will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in that area, then (2) cannot be true, and so Hell is exothermic.

The disabled porn probably meant that the porn is done by disabled people, or it is SM.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ebichuman

I was reading the RRS site when I came across this post. It's absolutely hilarious.

Spoiler for Final Exam Question:

This message comes from a graduate of the Univerisity of Oklahoma Chemical Engineering Department via an acquaintance of mine who sends out a "Daily Silly" to a large group of people. It cites one of Dr.Schlambaugh's final test questions for his final exam for 1997. [Note: Dr. Schlambaugh is known for asking questions on his finals like:"Why do airplanes fly?"] This was an "actual question" given on a University of Washington chemistry midterm.

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with proof.

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for temperature and the pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until All Hell breaks loose.
2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese Banyan during my Freshman year, that "It will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in that area, then (2) cannot be true, and so Hell is exothermic.

This student got the only A.

It reminded me of this......

Spoiler for joke:

The temperature of Heaven can be rather accurately computed from available data.

Our authority is the Bible: Isiah 30:26 reads, "Moreover the light of the moon shall be as the light of the sun and the light of the sin shall be sevenfold, as the light of seven days."

Thus Heaven receives from the moon as much radiation as we do from the sun and in addition seven times seven (49) times as much as the earth does from the sun, or fifty times in all.

The light we receive from the moon is a ten-thousandth fo the light we receive from the sun, so we can ignore that. With these data we can compute the temperature of Heaven.

The radiation falling on heaven will heat it to the point lost by radiation is just equal to the heat received by radiation. In other words, Heaven loses fifty times as much heat as the earth by radiation.

Using the Stefan-Boltzmann fourth-power law for radiation (H/E)^4 = 50, where E is the absolute temperature of the earth - 300K. This gives H as 798 K (525 degrees Celsius).

The exact temperature of Hell cannot be computed, but it must be less than 444.6 C, the temperature at which brimstone or sulphur changes from liquid to a gas.

Revelations 21:8: "But the fearful, and unbelieving ... shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone."
A lake of molten brimstone means that its temperature must be below the boiling point.

We have, then, temperature of Heaven 525 C. Temperature of Hell less than 445 C. Therefore, heaven is hotter than Hell.

__________________

When three puppygirls named after pastries are on top of each other, it is called Eclair a'la menthe et Biscotti aux fraises avec beaucoup de Ricotta sur le dessus.
Most of all, you have to be disciplined and you have to save, even if you hate our current financial system. Because if you don't save, then you're guaranteed to end up with nothing.

The story of creation with an unhealthy serving of deep-fried potatoes.
Alternate Title: The battle between Good and Evil, with an unhealthy serving of deep-fried potatoes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reader's Digest.

In the beginning, God created heaven and earth. And Earth was without form and void. And God made a circular light in the heavens which he called the Sun. And God saw that the light was good. The devil made the smaller light rectangular in shape called the TV. The devil saw that the light was bad. And God made springs which came out of the ground. Oozing fountains of pure, fresh water. The devil invented fizzy drinks. And saw that the fizzy drinks were bad. And God said, let the Earth bring forth vegetables, and the herb of the field that the children may grow up healthy. And it was so.

The devil said, “let there be deep fried potatoes”. And God said, "Let the waters bring forth 10000 varieties of fish that they may provide sustenance for the children". And the devil arranged that the fish may be smothered in batter, fried deep and served with deep fried potatoes.

And God created the cattle and chicken of the field and said, “BEHOLD, I have given you every living creature that moveth; to you it shall be for meat.“ And the devil showed how the meat could be minced and turned into burgers and suggesteth that it be always served with deep fried potatoes.

And on the seventh day, God rested and asked that his children rest too, and use the day to comtemplate the wonders of the creation.

And the devil created the all-day brunch, cartoon TV channels, and Sunday newspapers filled with articles about celebrities that the minds of the children be filled with rubbish and their bodies filled with yet more deep fried potatoes. And God said to the boy, “Take the girl and go forth and multiply, and of your seed I shall create a great nation, as numberless as the stars of the heavens.

And the devil invented the computer and recruited 10,000 demons and zombies to fill with online battles and too recruited many females to take images of top heavy women. And the boy parted with the girl and did instead cleave to the computer.

And God pointed out to the girl that he had made her many attractive blandishments which she could use whenever the boy was away from the computer.

And the devil invented the Nintendo DS Lite so that the boy will be able to take his computer games with him whereever he goes.

Now the serpent was more subtle that any of the animals that God had created. And the Devil did enter into the serpent and cause him to say to the girl and the boy, The tree in the middle of the garden the Lord hath told you not to touch. But I say unto you, if you eat the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, your eyes will be opened and you shall be as gods.

And the boy and the girl looked at the serpent and said unto him: No thanks, we liketh not fruit, But hast thou any deep fried potato?

And here concludes how the devil lost the war and endeth today’s scripture reading, Amen.