One of the most prominent couples
in California's same-sex marriage movement is divorcing.

Molly McKay and Davina Kotulski
have separated after 15 years together.

"I don't want to go into
great detail about what happened, but I'll just say that Davina informed me she
was going to end our marriage" about three weeks ago, said McKay.

McKay, the media director for
Marriage Equality USA, which has chapters in California and elsewhere around
the country, said the breakup is "the worst thing that's ever happened to
me." She appeared to break down in tears frequently during a phone
interview.

Asked whether there was another
person involved, she said, "I don't really want to say." She said she
hadn't seen the breakup coming. Kotulski didn't respond to interview requests.

The couple were married once in
September 1998, then again in February 2004 during San Francisco's "Winter
of Love," and a third time in September 2008, during the brief period when
the marriages were legal in California. They have no children.

McKay, an attorney, and Kotulksi,
an author of pro-same-sex marriage books and a psychologist, were regulars at
rallies and other events during the past decade, with McKay frequently wearing
her wedding dress. They were frequently the public face of same-sex marriage in
the Bay Area and elsewhere in the state.

McKay and Kotulski were especially
prominent in the campaign against Proposition 8, the same-sex marriage ban that
California voters passed in November 2008. A federal judge eventually ruled the
measure unconstitutional, but its backers have appealed that decision.

"I always pictured us being
together forever. I pictured us being like Phyllis and Del, and watching our
GLBT community grow and prosper," said McKay, referring to Phylis Lyon and
the late Del Martin. The pioneering lesbian couple were together for more than
50 years and were the first couple then-Mayor Gavin Newsom married after he
ordered such unions be allowed in the city in February 2004. Those marriages
were eventually invalidated, but in May 2008, the start Supreme Court ruled
they should again be permitted and about 18,000 same-sex couples married from
June to early November of that year, before the passage of Prop 8.

Newsom oversaw Lyon and Martin's
union again in June 2008. Martin died just over two months later at the age of
87.

Besides the pioneers in her life,
McKay said she was also mindful of the young people her and Kotulski's
relationship had touched.

"I think of all the queer
kids who've told us they've cut out pictures of us from newspapers and
magazines and put us on their wall," she said. "I love that we were
able to give them a picture of true love and pride in our love and help them
see their future and see the expectation that they deserve to be married, and
showing parents of gay kids they can dance at their kids' weddings."

Initially, McKay said she'd been
"semi-suicidal" at Kotulski's news, and had thought of putting on her
wedding dress and jumping from the Golden Gate Bridge.

However, she said she realized,
"That would be the suckiest 'It Gets Better' video in the world, and that
I had a responsibility to show you could get through really hard times. You can
live through them and hopefully come out somewhere on the other side."

McKay and Kotulski aren't the first high-profile same-sex couple in
California to split.

In 2006, Lancy Woo and Cristy Chung, who were part of the historic marriage
equality lawsuit Woo v. California, separated after 18 years together. The
case was eventually renamed Tyler v. California.

McKay said she would continue to
be involved with Marriage Equality USA, although she doesn't know whether
she'll remain media director. She said that Kotulski resigned from the group's
advisory board, at her request, "mainly just because we need to separate
our lives," she said.

She said she doesn't think divorce
procedures are any different for her and Kotulski than they would be for a
straight couple, but they're retaining attorneys to help them sort through the
process.

They're "both committed to
treating each other fairly," McKay, who lives in Oakland, said.

"The thing is, I still love
Davina, and I'd take her back now," said McKay, who added that she's
sharing what happened in part because "I know we're not the only ones
who've gone through this. ... Gay people are no better and no worse than
straight people. We go through the same stuff."

She still considers herself a
"love warrior," a name she has, over the years, bestowed on herself
and others in the marriage equality battle.

"It's like I got my leg shot
off, but I'm still going to keep fighting. I'm still going to keep working for
what we started," said McKay, who didn't know whether she would still
appear at rallies in her wedding dress. She said it was "cute" when
she was 25, but she's now approaching 40.

"I'll be running the marriage
pavilion at San Francisco Pride, but I don't know what the hell I'll be
wearing," she said.

McKay said before her relationship
with Kotulski, she'd dated men and women, and some of the women she dated are
now men, so "I guess I'm technically bisexual."

Gay man, ex-wife inspire Happily Divorced
TV show

For at least one divorced couple,
it is possible to be happy together.

That's the case of TV star Fran
Drescher and her gay ex-husband, Peter Marc Jacobson. The two are co-writing
the new sitcom Happily Divorced.

Drescher previously appeared in
the sitcom The Nanny, which the couple
also worked on together.

The new show follows Los Angeles
florist Fran (played by Drescher) whose 18-year marriage ends suddenly when her
husband Peter (played by John Michael) announces he's gay. And because he can't
afford to move out, they continue living together.

"This show is very supportive
of our community, and the straight community," Jacobson, 53, said.
"It's a great melding of both, and if you enjoy comedies and like to
laugh, I think this show is worth giving a chance."

Jacobson said his relationship
with Drescher inspired the show, but unlike the TV character, he didn't come
out until after the divorce. He lives in Los Angeles and is single, and said he
and his ex-wife have "a great relationship."

"We truly are soul
mates," he said. They vacation together and even fix each other up on
dates, he said.

The couple was part of the effort
to defeat Prop 8. They once threw a party that raised $40,000 for Equality
California.

Happily Divorced
premieres at 10:30 p.m. June 15 on TV Land.

EQCA town hall in San Jose

At 7 p.m. tonight (Tuesday, June
7) Equality California will hold a town hall meeting at the Billy DeFrank LGBT
Community Center in San Jose to discuss whether or not a measure to overturn
Prop 8 should be placed on the ballot in 2012.

The statewide lobbying group has
been holding similar meetings throughout the state.

Wedding Bell Blues is an online column looking at various
issues related to the marriage equality fight in California and elsewhere.
Please send column ideas or tips to Seth Hemmelgarn at or call (415) 861-5019. Wedding Bell
Blues appears every other Tuesday.