In the introduction, I touched on how love is often defined by how a person makes them feel. God is love and He is spirit., which means love is spiritual. Galatians 5:22 highlights the fruits of His Spirit. Love is the first one listed, and it’s not there randomly. Out of love comes joy, peace, patience, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Without love, none of these qualities can be. You may ask yourself, how does this tie into the topic intimacy of covenant. What I’m giving you is a foundation to incorporate into your definition and outlook of love. I used to have a list of qualities that I wanted in a woman. The fruits of God’s spirit weren’t included. Being equally yoked is also having and embracing the same definition of what love is and looks like in a godly relationship. A reason relationships fail are because of contrasting thoughts and opinions of what love is. It’s difficult arriving to a mutual agreement when perspectives clash. And yes, I agree there’s beauty, intrigue and excitement in diversity and difference of opinion and how a person thinks. However, when it to comes to a Christ-like union, there must be a common ground and a path bigger, but narrow enough for you to walk on with the love of your life. By bigger, I’m alluding to the ability to be unselfish and share your life with someone else. By narrow, when two marry, they become one flesh, walking side by side in agreement with each other. You must be equally yoked in Christ to walk the narrow path of holiness and godliness in a persuasive and secular world. Light and darkness can’t occupy the same space.

I want you to understand something that’s very poignant here. The deeper your intimacy is with God, more depth and substance is added to how you love. The gifts of wisdom and understanding will help you love in an impacting way. I speak of the kind of loving that transforms and opens another eye to see Christ in you when its inconvenient to. Your spouse should see more of Christ in you than you. The scales fell from Paul eyes represents a new life, a new vision, a new purpose and a new love. Paul transitioned from a life of persecuting Christians to a life of becoming one. Believers in Christ couldn’t comprehend this drastic and sudden change. That is to say, we cannot fully comprehend the love, the thoughts and the ways of God. We should be transformed from our former life and former way of loving to Holy Spirit way of loving. This doesn’t mean we’re going to be perfect. It means we are to surrender, commit and be active in treating others the way God shows grace and mercy towards us.

Many of you are praying for a sign of confirmation if you met the one. Look to see the fruits of God’s spirit are in the person you’re investing time with.

Love is often define within the limitation of emotion. It’s God who helps you understand the emotions you feel from love are just an over flow of a spiritual connection you have with someone. I’m sure you come to experience and understand that emotions are sometimes misleading. They’re inconsistent. Feelings are based on what someone does or don’t do for you. People aren’t perfect. Neither are you. Your significant other could do or say something that’s hurtful to you–intentionally or unintentially. In that instance of offense, the emotions you associate love with will ultimately vanish. What you called love would take on the form of unfulfillment, anger and indifference. And usually when someone feels a neglected, cheating may become an option or creating distance. You must truly understand how God defines love in 1 Corinthians 13, if you’re going to have a successful courtship and mariage.. When you mediate on these scriptures, you’ll begin to see the heart of God and the heart of His son, Christ and the fruits of the Holy Spirit. You’ll begin to see kindness, patience and gentleness through His grace and mercy towards you. His love doesn’t dishonor. It’s neither self-seeking. You will also see those qualities on display in the life of Jesus Christ when you study the Gospels. If emotions are what define love for you, I encourage you to look beyond emotion.

The cliché “love is a choice” rings true, but what’s more profound is that God is love. The decision to surrender your love life to God will prove to be a wise one. A successful and godly relationship rests on Christ being at the center of it. In 1 Corinthians, love is defined. In 2 Corinthians 6:14, the word of God tells who He wants us to experience love with, which is an equally yoked person. A person who is equally yoked with you is a man or woman who’s given their life to Christ, surrendered their life to Christ and is in an intimate with Him. I will go in detail later of what this kind of Christian looks like according to scripture and not Melvin Davis (me) thoughts or opinions. Being in a relationship or married to an individual in Christ is what makes two equally yoked.

Being equally yoked isn’t a metaphor. The yoke of something is the core of something. The core holds everything together, so that which you have built may live and have life more abundantly. It’s the foundation that everything else rests on. “Yoke”equates to spirit. When you are intimate with someone, you become yoked. It’s your spirit that joins two together. I’m sure you have heard of “soul ties” and why it’s so hard to break away from someone. They are yoked by spirit through intimacy. Intimacy isn’t just within the parameter of sex. Intimacy is also experienced through conversation, investing quality time together, physical touch such as hugging, holding and kissing each other. It’s whatever you do that allows one to enter your personal space such as your heart and your mind to earn your trust, love, affection and sacrifice.

To have a godly relationship, you must be in a committed relationship with God through Jesus Christ. An issue some believers in Christ have is they desire a godly relationship but their lifestyle contradicts what they’re seeking, expecting and praying for. The desire maybe in you to want a godly man or woman, but your heart is still in covenant with the world. It’s possible to receive salvation and remain untransformed by simply not reading the Word and spending intimate time with God. When you are walking with the Holy Spirit that is in you, you’ll no longer have a taste or an attraction for what’s unholy. Men who have an intimate relationship with Christ, walk in the spirit. They no longer have a desire or an attraction for women who speak with profanity, adorns herself in sensuality, seduction and vanity. Neither does a godly woman, walking in the same magnitude of intimacy with God and holiness, have an affinity for men who easily overtake ungodly women by their fame, prestige, material possessions or the appeal of their physical attraction.

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I’m not the kind of man that would write a woman off if she’s of a different culture or race. Neither would I if she initially isn’t a believer in Christ. God has used both men and women to win their soon to be spouses over to him. Seeing this into fruition takes walking in the fruits of the Spirit that’s outlined in Galatians 5: 22. You would need the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Truly anything is possible with God and when you are walking in these fruits of God’s Holy Spirit. They saying goes, “age doesn’t matter.” Yes that’s true, but my response to that statement is maturity does. A person could be younger numerically, but have the emotional and spiritual maturity that it takes to be consistent, understanding, an effective communicator and having an authentic identity of the self. Couples with significant age gaps, that would make others on the outside snarl at them, work because God joined together. What I want to draw your attention to is being equally yoked.

2 Corinthians 6:14 has become more of a reality to me. It’s one thing to know something intellectually. It’s a different experience when something becomes revelation to you. It’s fulfilling and refreshing when the word of God is experienced. After being single for a while, I’ve evolved in a way of taking my relationship with Christ more seriously. God began speaking to me loudly years ago about having a more intimate relationship with him. This is still a journey I’m trying to master. Since then, I changed my entire approach to how I engage and court women, which is doing love God’s way. In the past, I haven’ t always been successful. However, in recent encounters, I’ve stood my ground with sex before marriage. I can honestly say now, the desire to have sex before marriage is less desirable. I’m not moved by physical attraction and women who throw their selves at me in an attempt to seduce me. In fact, it’s a turnoff. Seduction and sensuality is a turnoff when you’re walking in the spirit. I’ve actually asked God to take away my desire for sex until marriage. It’s meaningless to be intimate before becoming one when you understand why God says wait. There’s no need to create soul tie or any other unnecessary consequences that comes with disobedience when your body craves sex. It’s not worth it.
Being with someone you’re equally yoked with is not an option if you have committed your life to Christ. It simply isn’t going to work. Being equally yoked encompasses many things you may overlook on the surface when you read “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” When this scripture is read, readers assume it’s only talking about individuals who have rejected Christ. This scripture also applies to those who have “given” their life to Christ, but don’t live a godly life. They are certain things Christians don’t BELIEVE in the Bible. One of them is sex before marriage.

That’s not the only issue the scripture addresses about being equally yoked. When you have an intimate relationship with God and you spend time studying the word, you become transformed. Your mind is renewed. You’re thinking changes and your understanding deepens. How you think aligns to who Christ is and what his word says. This gives insight to how a person thinks, how the world is perceived around them and they treat one another. It also lends to how consistent and an effective communicator someone is, and they’re emotional and spiritual maturity, which I pointed out earlier. If you try to be in a relationship with someone who thinking isn’t on a scripture level, because they’re still living according to the ways of the world, more than likely, that relationship isn’t going to work. Not being open to a truth based on scripture that you haven’t come to experience and having a close mind, would soon create friction, arguments and drama between you and someone.This person has to come into their own maturity, knowledge and understanding of the word and revelation of who Christ is, which is nothing wrong. There are somethings I didn’t get until months or years later. I had to go through my process of maturity.
I choose to do love God’s way. It doesn’t matter how physically appealing and successful someone is, if they aren’t committed to God, and you are, you’re not going to be able to do love God’s way. If you say, how does the couple work who aren’t living their life according to scripture. Well, two uncommitted people have something in common. They aren’t committed. Doing love God’s with someone who’s in agreement with what the word of God says saves you the stress.

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My relationship with God is the most valuable thing in life. I’m here because of God’s love, grace and mercy. My relationship with God has led and continues to lead women away from me. Disappointing at sometimes , yes, but am I hurt, no. No relationship out of the will of God is worth being in. Ever since 2014, I commited my life to holiness, purity and righteousness. I committed to celibacy, stopped listening to music riddled with sensuality, sexuality/lust, songs that encourages arrogance, self-centeredness , provokes loneliness, anger, fear, melancholy and that reminds you of what you once had. Soul tie music are stronghold music that prevents you from moving on from the past. Some movies and people can have the same effect on you.

The narrow path of holiness, purity and righteousness was a decision I needed to make to answer and prepare for the call/purpose God invited me to. More importantly, I accepted the invitation to the deep intimacy and to walk with God. This path has been a fulfilling yet challenging one. Sometimes my humanity says to my spirit, is it worth. By faith, trust and love for God, my spirit says, It is.

Much of my understanding about love, relationships and woman comes from the word of God and the wisdom He blesses me with. The more time you spend studying the scriptures and basking in God’s presence, the more wisdom, knowledge and revelation He will download into your spirit. Your discernment also increases. You’re just going to know and see certain things about people, environments and situations before they unfold. If not in the beginning, later on.

As you come to a place of maturity, you arrive to a point in life where you just want to enjoy the simple things with someone. Like consistency, simplicity, peace, and the first options are understanding, reconciliation and forgiveness. These are the gems to look forward to in a relationship. It’s a trend to be difficult, indifferent, dysfunctional and self-absorbing. And create problems or be evasive when you don’t have to. I can’t comprehend this. God brings the love into your life to love and not fight with. Then again, some people do only what they know. Things flow so much easier when there’s strong communication, trust and security in each other, which takes time to build. The ride is also smoother when you both come together with the same goal in mind, which is to become one. This also takes time.

A man truly walking with God and in the love and compassion of Christ seeks something so much deeper and meaningful with you. His perception about love and a relationship isn’t found in the elementary discourse of lust. A one-night stand isn’t on the menu when he’s pursuing you. He turns his head away from women who present their self in a way to make a man stumble. Sensuality doesn’t have place in love. Seduction is bait for lust. Profanity doesn’t have a seat in conversation. Vanity is also a disservice. In vanity, there’s not enough room the share the stage of your life, because everything will be about you. A man of God knows a self-absorbed person will suck the life out of you. Offering him the ways of the world instead of the mind of Christ isn’t going to work. He’s gazing behind your beauty to see if there’s a future with you. He’s browsing the landscape of your spirit to detect faithfulness or a lack thereof. The Hebrew translation of Proverbs 18:22 reads, “Who finds a wife find what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” There’s more in this statement than the obvious. What makes a wife “good” in the sight of God is that she’s obedient and has an intimate relationship with Him. She’s deeply in love and planted in God. She’s virtue and capable. She’s a rarity in the midst of popular worldly conformity. Her Christian life isn’t a religious or a secular one. She comes to add to a relationship—never plotting to divide or subtract from it. Although flawed, she tries to reflect the image and love of Christ. A woman of God is “good” because of what she brings to the relationship. She bares the anointing and favor of God. Therefore, her husband is blessed and receives what God has graced her with. Vice versa. I could go on, but I’ll place a bookmark here. A man of God knows “good” and “favor” isn’t package in seduction, immaturity, inconsistency, indecisiveness or mind games. A good wife is a holy, pure wife who has a made up mind. She knows what she wants. She is the “good thing” God refers to, and because of a man’s intimate relationship with God, he receives the favor to marry a woman as such.

Before I provide examples of how a man of God desires to love a godly woman, it’s important to point out a distinction here. What love and a relationship look like in Christ is different from the world’s definition and perception of it. This isn’t a judgmental statement. I don’t have the authority to condemn. Neither do I walk with a heart of judgment and condemnation. I aim to walk in the love, understanding and compassion of Christ; however, I have to speak the truth according to the Gospel. Whether it’s favorable or unfavorable. The truth in the word of God will offend and hit some sensitive spots in you. I know the feeling. After all, according to Hebrews 4:12, “the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” The word of God does many things. It encourages, guides and strengthens. It also rebukes and corrects. It will point out your wrongs and shortcomings so you can strengthen those areas you stumble in. Those who stand far and run away from reproach and correction never grow. They never take on the image of Christ.

Love in the context of Christianity is rooted in the fruits of the Spirit, which all are visibly seen in the person of Christ. What God sees as strength, the world interprets as weakness. It’s a sign of weakness for a man to express how he feels or to show emotion. If you can’t show emotion with the woman you’re with, you’re with a woman who doesn’t know God. Her mind and attitude is in the world and not in Christ. I don’t know what man could stand in the presence of God and can contain himself. We’re just not that strong enough. No human being is. In the world, a man has to be an “alpha male,” which is a dominate, aggressive, borderline cold throat person, a “manly man.” He also has to raise his voice or flex his muscle to show his wife who’s in charge. Sadly, some women embrace this false ideology of masculinity and strength. None of those qualities are found in Christ or describe who he is, so it baffles me when I hear Christians strive to fit the shoe that Christ never wore. The Son of God walked in love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance. The world says, step on to step up, compete with each other, and gossip to tear another down, lash out and fight back when wronged. Competition has it’s time and place, but not in a marriage. God says in Exodus 14:14, “The Lord will fight for you. You need only to be still.” I know this is true for a fact. I saw God speak on my behalf and humble many people in my presence. Both men and women are to walk in all fruits of the spirit–no matter what the world or society says. Compare an alpha male or female to The Son of God, and tell me who’s stronger.

I am all for women having equaled rights and pay. I support women in leadership positions. I’m team Bernie Sanders all the way. When a woman wants to lead in a relationship, that presents a big problem. Women who embrace the “alpha female” concept have difficulty allowing a man being a man in her presence. She has a problem with being led. The word “submission” to her also has an unpleasant ring to it, because 1) they do not understand or haven’t fully embrace the ways of God.2. They forgot what was said Ephesians 5: 21 and they stop reading at verse 22. I’m not going to take up much time of your time in explaining this, however, here’s the full scripture and gist of what God is saying through it.

Ephesians 21-32 reads:

21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Husband and wife must submit to Christ if they are to submit to each other.

Since God made man the spiritual leader in the marriage (Genesis 2:7), the woman is to submit to him. There’s a reason why God created Adam first. Adam was created to first establish an intimate relationship Him before a woman. There are men doing it the other way around. They’re putting the desires of their heart before God. Women too. Notice how God established a relationship with Adam first before creating Eve. That’s why man is the head of the household. Not only that, God created Adam first because of the nature and responsibility of the environment he was to nurture and keep up. Hear me clearly. Eve was also created to have an intimate relationship. Part of her existence was to assist in Adam in what God entrusted him with.

If a husband is not submitted to Christ, his wife will not submit to him.

If the wife is not submitted to Christ, she will not submit to her husband.

If the husband is not submitted to Christ, he will not submit to his wife.

The commonality and consistency in the scripture is structure and order. God established structure and order in the church through Christ and paralleled it to marriage. Christ is the groom. The church is the bride. The bride is submitted to the groom–similarly a wife to her husband. Submission is the theme here. Submitted to Christ, submitted to each other and a woman being led by a man in marriage.

As you can tell, there’s no hint of vanity, lust, competition, any glimpses of an “alpha male” or “alpha female”, obscenity, poor communication, inconsistency, unfaithfulness, gossip or any other trait that’s destructive to an individual and a marriage. In Christ, love is pure, holy and sacred. In Christ, husband and wife work together, side by side. In Christ, a man is to always to protect and treat his wife with great honor. He’s to honor her when he’s in and out of his presence. What love and a relationship resemble in the world is one without Christ.

In the next part of this blog, I plan to provide examples of how a man of God longs to love his wife who is in Christ. Thanks for reading.

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Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Apostle Paul

My attempt to describe the love God has for us would fall short. God’s love is far beyond human comprehension. His love is sublime. It’s perfect without defect. His love is revelatory, which means, there are so many facets about God that we’ll never know. God is the definition of depth. He’s deep. He cannot be measured. That’s to say, His love is immeasurable. However, we can attest to the love of God on three basic levels. 1. We know God displayed His love when he sent His Son Jesus into the world to remove sin and it’s power over us. 2. We know the love of God through the free gift salvation (John 3:16). 3. We also know the love of God by what He Sent Jesus through. On the way to the cross, God allowed His Son to experience every horrible feeling that we encounter in life. From betrayal, abandonment, being mocked and talked about, enduring physical pain and humiliation, and separation from his Father. Jesus overcame it all. The love of God carried him through. You’re not going to find to many people who are willing to sacrifice their life for you. God sent his Groom, Jesus, to get dirty so that His bride, the Church, could be clean. That’s love. Unimaginable love. Sacrificial love. Perfect love. Imagine a man loving his wife this way. A man of God who’s willing to lay down his life without question is powerful. A man of God who’s willing to help you dig up and remove the remaining debris from your life that hinders you is a man who loves you. A man who’s patient and prays over all your imperfections is a man who loves you. He doesn’t mind getting dirty, so He can see the bride he married, clean.

I’m confident enough to say that men who seek after the deeper things of God have the ability to love a woman of God in extraordinary ways. This kind of love would sure frighten a woman who isn’t ready to be loved in the way that Christ loved the church. I met women who weren’t ready. I’ve learned you can’t give something special to someone who isn’t mature enough to handle or comprehend what you have to offer. A godly relationship/marriage takes humility, emotional and spiritual maturity to sustain. It also takes the power of prayer and consecration. You need the wisdom and knowledge of God to grow and protect the blessings He gives you.

God knows every detailed structure and contour of a woman’s soul, spiritual and emotional anatomy. He knows how much time she does and doesn’t spend time with him. He knows the surface and depth of her understanding of Him. He knows her fears, insecurities and strengths. He knows the hidden things in her heart. He knows every single traumatic experience. He also knows her high points in life. He knows her success and victorious moments. Having this knowledge about her on hand enhances fellowship with her. This is not to say that women aren’t knowledgeable about God and the word. She’s there to also strengthen your walk with Christ too. My point is when two or three are gathered in Jesus name, He’s present (Matthew 18: 20). Christ should be present from the point you meet your wife, until the very moment you marry her. And Christ is still there when you have disagreements. Studying the word of God with her, fasting and praying together, is to love her the way Christ loved the Church (Ephesians 5:23). Dying daily to your shortcomings is loving her like Christ loved the church. Spending quality time with her is too. Jesus invested a great deal of time with his disciples. He taught them how to pray, truths and secrets about the Kingdom of God they would later understand. He also imparted knowledge, wisdom and other spiritual gifts into their lives. He built up their faith and equipped them with tools to continue the work of the gospel. To love your wife the way Christ loved the church to spend time with the Father. You’re probably asking yourself what do I mean? How does spending time with the Father relates to loving your wife that Christ loved the Church. Pull up John 5:19. Jesus said three things.

“I can do nothing on my own.”

“I only do what I see my Father doing.”

“Whatever the Father does, the Son also does.”

First, Jesus acknowledges dependency on His Father. Jesus needed the strength of the Father to do His will. Second, Jesus only does what He can visibly/tangibly see His Father doing. The healing and miracles you read in the scriptures, God the Father showed him how to do it. Three, Jesus intimacy with the Father granted Him the same power and authority. Now here’s the connection. For a man to love His wife in an extraordinary way, He must realize he can’t love her solely on his own experience. Besides, each woman isn’t the same. He must depend on Jesus to love with care and wisdom. Two, a husband must be able to see what Jesus is doing in their individuals lives and in the marriage. If he takes his eyes of Christ, he takes his eyes of his wife. He will not be in tuned or recognize the source of problems that will arise and the important decisions they need to make as one in the marriage. He must keep God first. Last, when a husband has an intimate relationship with God, He’s given a measure of power and authority to lead in the relationship/marriage. He will be able to do the greater works Jesus talks about in John 14:12. The greater works are the healing and miracles. Imagine the wife or husband being diagnosed with some illness, and either could heal each other. You see all types of “relationship goal” captions in social media, as it relates to fitness, business or financial success. I’m not against health and wealth. However, incorporate some spiritual principles into your marriage. Having the power the power to heal, perform miracles and cast out unclean spirit is a power couple!

A man walking with God wants to love you the way Christ loved the church. He wants to love you to the point of drawing tears of joy. If you experienced the presence of God while simply waiting on Him in stillness and silence, I’m sure you found yourself in tears of joy. The love in God’s presence is just that powerful. Just the thought of God’s love and goodness, His grace and mercy alone, could leave you worshipping Him in silence and prostrate with tears of joy. Silence and stillness positions you to experience God in this way (Psalm 46:10). You are worshipping in Spirit and in Truth here. If you could connect to God this way, you could connect to a woman similarly. I’m not speaking of worshipping her. That’s absolutely forbidden. Your presence alone, while you’re sitting in stillness and silence with her, could bring tears of joy to her eyes. It’s not you. It’s He, the Holy Spirit in you, altering the atmosphere while you’re with her. He’s ushering the both of you into the presence of God. That’s fellowship. Later on, I will distinguish the difference between fellowship and a friendship. You should experience both with the love of your life.