Special
Guest Correspondences:These
are letters, and their responses,sent
to me by supporters of this site.I
am proud to include them because of their usefuland
worthy content.

This is Volume
One of the Guest
Dialogues.

Wherein can be
found theanonymous
texts of actual letters written to OTHERS,
and
THEIR answers in
return. All letters in this
section, and any names used or credited are USED BY PERMISSION OR
REQUIREMENT.The QUESTIONER
is in CRIMSON,
and the GUEST WRITER
is in EMERALD.

QUESTIONER:Well, it turns
out we have a lot in common...I'm also engaged andgetting married
soon...one might ask what I was doing on the ChatRoom page and
why I'm even bothering to write to you...I guess I'mtrying (though
somewhat unsuccessfully ) to deal with my attraction totransexuals..

I live now, however,
in San Diego with my fiance, who does not knowabout this part
of me...I'm attempting to sort out whether I get thesesexual needs
met on the side or continue to try to rid myself or thesedesires and live
a totally monogamous and heterosexual life.

Well, don't know
if you expected all that, but it felt good to get itout..

SHEENA OOK Replies:*sigh*
and here i was trying to be a sex object and nothing more *ust
idding*.
butas
you've reached out to me, i can't deny you any words of advice
orcomfort
and helpful commentary i may have... so let me put
on my geniuscap
and we'll discuss a few things, 'kay? :-)

well, as a member
of the group of forbidden folks you find so attractive,i can only guess
as to *your* motivations. are you attracted to taboo ingeneral?
is it an attraction for its own sake, or a genuine appreciationof a sexual difference?

does this attraction
to the socially taboo regularly hinder your day today life and/or
lifegoals? let me narrow it down a little here...

what is it that
attracts you to transsexuality? its social implications?the exotic experience
of changing sex? how long has this been going onfor you, and
when didit become something
you had to "deal with"?

is it at all possible
that your attraction to transsexuals could be arepressed desire
to re-define your own gendered reality?

in plain english:
what's in this for YOU? what does this desire sayabout *your*
sexuality? your life?

and how far have
you bought into the idea that tranny-chasing issomething perverted
to be kept hidden, something "kinky'?

I live now, however,
in San Diego with my fiance, who does not knowabout this part
of me...I'm attempting to sort out whether I get thesesexual needs
met on the side or continue to try to rid myself or thesedesires and live
a totally monogamous and heterosexual life.

i'm sure you're
aware that getting married is NOT the way to go aboutpurging yourself
of *anything* you haven't already dealt with, much lessa deep-rooted
sexual attraction..

is it fair to
your fiance, or to YOU, that you keep sitting on thispowder keg?

none of this is
to say you shouldn't marry your fiance. only you candecide that for
yourself. however, doing so without being honest withyourself, without
introspecting as to what you plan to do about thesefeelings, is
cruel, selfish, and irresponsible at *best*.

you'll forgive
me if i seem a bit harsh. indeed, i am rather judgmentalof people who
run from themselves, although i have no right to be.

my philosophy
is this: no matter what, YOU will always have to live withYOU. what
the hell else is there to do in this life but GET TO KNOW theONE person who
will always be in your life?
YOU!!! :-)

now, as far as
ridding yourself of feelings... that simply *doesn't*happen.
feelings can only *change*. they cannot disappear.
and theonly way feelings
can change for the better is by sorting them out... inmy humble opinion!
;-)

don't ignore.
ask! don't run and hide! just stop, and
look! believeme, whatever
*you* have to deal with in terms of personal change,self-evaluation,
and maturity regarding your attraction to TS girls isnothing compared
to the Herculean task of BEING a TS girl! at least
in*this* society!

so, what's up
doc?

Hello Jennifer,

I thought I'd
let you know what happened last weekend when I talked withmy friend.

We went walking,
and I led the conversation around to T issues. He wasaware of the
brain/hormone connection, but thought that beingtranssexual was
the lesser version of homosexuality - the usualpretending to
be a woman to hide from being gay.

Well, I explained,
told him what I had figured out about the stress inmy mother's life,
what had happened to me, then looked him in the eyesand told him
that I was transsexual, that I really was a Girl. Hisreaction was
to throw his arms around me and give me a long hug!

My instincts about
trusting him were correct, AND returned. He told methat he was bi-sexual,
and that if anything ever happened to his wife,he would probably
live with a man. This was something I had NOTsuspected, ever.
But it was the perfect disclosure for our bothbeinging open
and honest. So we spent a few happy hours, talking aboutour conditions
to someone else for the first time, and totally acceptingeach other.
It was a free-ing experience.

It was a very
good feeling, and very much a validation too. Although heand I share a
kind of passive sexuality, I am perfectly willing to giveup my male role
and male parts too, and he is not. Our conversation wasthe perfect contrast
between my being a Bi-Girl and him being a bi guy.Although I accept
and support him, I could see that I was nothing likehim despite our
shared sexuality. He is a guy, and I am not. I knewthe difference
coming into this from your site and others, but having itbrought home
so clearly has strengthed my resolve and acceptance ofmyself.