Jun 22, 2012

I did not mentioned this before. I have Dotty right here with me. Of course I mean her ashes. I must tell you, after I brought Dotty back home I felt very happy. It was comforting to have Dotty back home.

Dotty went to Heaven 4 weeks ago. I can't decide if it feels like a long time ago, or if it seems like it just happened yesterday. Time does seem a bit elusive to me right now.

Many of you continue to ask, how am I doing? I'm fine. The only major thing that I notice is that I tend to get sleepy late in the afternoon. Not tired, sleepy. For sure, I am operating at less than 100 percent.

I am getting out and about but in no real organized pattern.

Last Sunday I took off for the beach and spent an hour walking on the beach. When I got out of the car I decided to go "bare feet." Yikes. I had forgotten how hot the sand is in Delray Beach at this time of year. I had to go back to the shower, we have a shower at every entrance to the beach in Delray, and wet my feet. Then I planted them in the sand. This coated the bottom of my feet and allowed me to make it across the hot sand and down to the ocean. Woh.

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This I had not mentioned before. I have Dotty right here with me. Of course I mean her ashes. I must tell you, after I brought Dotty back home I felt very happy. It was comforting to have Dotty back home. I guess that is what happens after being attached to someone so closely for so long.

Every time I give Dotty a little pat I feel happy. Its just the way it is.

Every once in a while I say something to her. I don't mind admitting that. I suppose some newbies to the Alzheimer's Reading Room might thing I am a bit nutso. I'm pretty sure most Alzheimer's caregiver understand.

I am thinking about Dotty quite a bit. But, if you have been reading along then you know only in a very positive vane.

I want to say this clearly. There are absolutely no ill effects from Alzheimer's. I wrote a long time ago that I forgot that Dotty had Alzheimer's. Instead, I thought of her as deeply forgetful. It is very easy in my opinion to deal with forgetfulness.

In my current opinion, the "forget" is what it is all about. Forgetfulness drives most of the behaviors, feelings and emotions. So to combat that I often lent Dotty my brain, and mainly, I plugged into memories, not memory.

I can still hear Dotty singing some of those old old songs. Now that is "memories". Dotty had a very sweet voice. Oddly, over the course of my life I don't remember Dotty singing. Not until the last several years. I didn't know that Dotty's mother sang at the Lobster Club in south Philly. After Dotty told me that I plugged her into the music channel everyday. Sooner or later, Dotty would start belting out a tune. This made me feel very happy each and every time.

So there you go, plug into the happiness and leave the burden behind.

I also wrote several years ago that I believed that we beat Alzheimer's. Nothing has changed my mind. In fact, I am not 100 percent convinced that what I wrote was true.

People keep telling me take the time to grieve. Well I can tell you right now that tears are pouring out of my eyes right now as I type this.

You can call it whatever you want. Strong emotion for sure.

However, I have every intention of celebrating Dotty's life, not grieving.

I wish could explain this better. I want you to know JOY trumps every thing. It is a very powerful feeling and emotion.

So I guess you could say Dotty filled me up with Joy before she went to Heaven.

For the last 18 months things just got better and better. The last 6 months were remarkable.

Dotty underwent an almost miraculous change in the last six months and I fully intend to write about it in detail.

But right now know this. Dotty didn't die from Alzheimer's. She didn't die from pneumonia, or aspiration. She didn't die from a sepsis infection.

Bob DeMarco is the Founder of the Alzheimer's Reading Room and an Alzheimer's caregiver. The blog contains more than 3,711 articles with more than 302,100 links on the Internet. Bob lives in Delray Beach, FL.

The Alzheimer's Reading Room does not provide medical advice. The contents are for informational purposes only, and are not intended to substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. The views of the individuals that write on this website, contribute articles, or are quoted on this site are not necessarily those of the Alzheimer's Reading Room. For specific, personalized medical advice we encourage you to contact your physician.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of all materials and articles in the Alzheimer's Reading Room without the express and written permission from Bob DeMarco are strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given and appropriate and specific direction to the original content is included.