The Sex Habit You Should Break-Now

Has your lust life as a couple gone from OMFG to WTF? Here's advice for keeping bedtime superhot.

In the first breathless weeks and months of a relationship, having fun in bed is usually not a problem (well, unless you consider getting very little sleep a problem). But, say many sex therapists, if you were to ask longer-term couples to rate their sex lives from 1 to 10, plenty of them would admit the super steamy 9s and 10s have sunk to lukewarm 5s or 6s. Did they fall out of love? Lose the attraction? Nope—more likely, they simply allowed the first (and possibly most crucial) turning point in their sex lives slip by unnoticed. When couples first get together, they tend to be more experimental because they're sussing out each other's likes and dislikes, says Lori Buckley, PhD, sex therapist in Pasadena, California. But between six months and a year in, she says, things can go on autopilot. "Couples begin to get into a groove. They get comfortable and subconsciously default to whatever works." But there's working, and then there's awesome. To keep things in that second category, try these boredom-busting ideas.

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Break the Mold

Think about how your usual sack sessions unfold: You start making out. He takes off your top. Then he kisses your nipples....He could do it blindfolded. And you've done what to steer him differently? "Look at your own role in the routine," suggests Lori Hollander, MSW, licensed sex and couples therapist in Ann Arbor, Michigan. "By following his lead, you're contributing to the problem." So start tweaking things. When he takes off your shirt, turn around, and swoop your hair to the side so he's forced to kiss your back and neck. If you always have sex at the same time (11 p.m., pj's), surprise him with a.m. booty instead. Or do it in the kitchen. The changes are minor, but they still make the experience feel different.

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Let Out Your Wild Child

Sometimes, though, it's not just habit but fear that's keeping you in a rut. Maybe you worry that your boyfriend will think you've been disappointed in him. Or you're nervous about tapping in to your fantasies. But, says Buckley, "by ignoring your curiosity, you're depriving yourself of the possibility of being sexually fulfilled." Not to mention fulfilling him too. Tune in to your fears, and begin to challenge them. Self-conscious about your body? Walk around naked at home to get comfortable with it. And, suggests Buckley, be truthful with your guy. "Being open will spark a conversation about your desires," she says. Tell him you'd like to wake up to him pleasuring you. Or that you might be into some role-play (naughty schoolgirl, anyone?). And suggest going to a sex shop. Think he'd say no? More like "When? Now?"