230 Best Funny One Liner Jokes

Here’s a collection of short and straightforward jokes that will make you laugh. What we have here have substantiated that jokes can be short and still be funny. However, these collection of jokes are not just funny but are the funniest set of jokes you can ever come across. The one-liner jokes will surely crack you up – you are bound to laugh as hard as you have never done before.

Funny One-Liner Jokes

1. As long as there are tests, there will be prayers in schools.

2. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.

3. A day without sunshine is like, night.

4. Born free, taxed to death.

5. For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened.

6. You cannot eat me unless you spread me – Butter

7. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

8. A day without smiling is a day wasted.

9. Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much more for them.

10. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

11. Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? He wanted to win the No-bell prize!

12. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.

13. When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

14. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don’t have eyes.

15. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

16. A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.

17. You cannot taste me until you undress me. – Banana

18. You cannot eat me unless you lick me. – Ice-cream

19. You cannot play with me unless you blow me. – Balloon

20. A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.

21. What is faster Hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold.

22. What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

23. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.

24. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

25. My birth certificate was a letter of apology that my dad got from the condom company.

26. Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.

27. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math.

28. I just let my mind wander, and it didn’t come back.

29. We’ve got what it takes to take what you have got.

30. I can handle pain until it hurts.

31. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

32. What’s the difference between a paycheck and a pen*s? You don’t have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.

33. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn’t listen.

34. If you can’t convince them, confuse them.

35. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

36. Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey.

One-Liner Jokes

37. What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.

38. If at first, you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

39. Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.

40. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

41. Maybe if we all emailed the constitution to each other, the NSA will finally read it.

42. A gift card is a great way to say, “Go buy your own f*ckin’ present”.

43. I’m naming my TV remote Waldo for obvious reasons.

44. Isn’t it weird how when a cop drives by you feel paranoid instead of protected?