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Orthorexia

February 12, 2010 — shadowlight and co

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Why is it that we always get the “controversial” disorders? Lol

6 years ago I was anorexic, I “recovered” but still had the diagnosis of “EDNOS”, my doctor said it was Orothexia, but as this isn’t a “real” disorder EDNOS was the official diagnosis. During this period though my focus shifted, it was no longer and weight, calories, size, etc… Now it was about trying to be clear, pure, and uncontaminated. At first I just avoided E-numbers, then preservatives, then additives… over time the list got longer and longer… if we ever went out to eat or ate at someone else’s house so I didn’t know 100% what was inside the food then I had to “cleanse” myself… this would involve either purging or binge drinking pints upon pints of water and if I was not able to do either of these then I would need to “bleed out the contamination” later on that night by “blood letting”

Sometimes it would happen at home too… I never knew if I could or couldn’t eat something until I’d tried it… and the list of what I couldn’t eat seemed to be getting bigger and bigger…

By the end I was avoiding so much that I was barely eating, it had gotten to the point where my food intake wasn’t much more than it had been during my anorexic period, at one point it go down to my living off apples, oranges and vitamin supliments…. As well as this my purging and water binging had begun to mess up my electrolyte balance.

16 months ago I ended up admitted to hospital for a suspected heart attack!!! It ended up that I was having multiple tachycardic episodes… after several tests it ended up that my heart muscle had being damaged from the electrolyte issues… even now my heart has not recovered, apparently if my old diet had continued for much longer I would have died…

Though to be honest my eating still isn’t great, the list of things I avoid is still high and I still cannot eat anything pre-packaged, anything from a take-away, anything cooked by anyone other than myself, andthing where I cannot source all the ingredients, etc… but at least I’m no longer risking death