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It’s not having the right words, it’s having the right values: Ethically Speaking

In a recent column, you said that arguing with a young person was sometimes futile. Unfortunately, you used an offensive phrase to do so: “all the arguments you muster now would fall on deaf ears.” This figure of speech is predicated on equating deafness to obstinacy. If we used similar expressions based on racial, ethnic, religious, or gender metaphors, the inappropriateness would be clear. Yet usage of “fall on deaf ears” and “turn a blind eye” (for example) is commonplace. It is hard enough to overcome discrimination; we could use help from our allies.

Back in the 1980s, the church that then paid my salary began encouraging members to use gender-inclusive language and imagery in reference to God. Howls of derision came from every direction: church members, evangelical Christians, even secular newspapers and magazines. But the church persevered, and gradually the old “God=He” language started to disappear. And something else happened, too — our very image of what a deity might be like began to shift as well. Less powerful, more intimate. Less judge, more counsellor. Less controlling, more compassionate.

It's fine to use the word "deaf" for those who communicate via sign language, a reader writes, but not to use deafness to imply obstinacy. (Dreamstime)

That experience reinforced a fact about the relationship between words and the reality they define. Simply stated: Words not only describe reality, but also powerfully shape how we actually feel about the people, places and things they depict.

As kids growing up in post-war Ottawa, whenever we thought we’d been cheated by a merchant or teacher, we said that we’d been “jewed.” It’s horrible to even admit that today, but it’s true. We used that expression completely unconscious of the implications for our perception of Jews around us; some of my best friends really were Jewish, but I made no connection whatsoever between the loathsome term and the effect it might have on those friends.

Since then, we’ve become enormously more sensitive. Because words powerfully shape our perception of people, most of us try to choose them carefully. But as my correspondent points out, we don’t get it right all the time. Partly we mess up because this is a moving target; for example, the appropriateness of using the word “queer” to describe a gay or lesbian person depends entirely on whom you’re talking to, and when. And in part we screw up because, at times, we’re less thoughtful than we should be.

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This isn’t a matter of being politically correct. In her letter my correspondent writes: “The words ‘blind’ and ‘deaf’ are completely OK, if describing actual blindness and deafness. What is not OK is equating those words and the conditions they represent to obstinacy, unreasonableness, ignorance, negligence and worthlessness.”

That’s an important distinction. Political correctness demands we use ambiguous, confusing terms such as “visually impaired” when we mean “blind.” Human decency, on the other hand, insists we not value-load any of the many words in our vocabulary that describe race, gender, religion, or, yes, disability. It’s not about having the right vocabulary; it’s about having the right values.

So thanks for so eloquently and correctly calling me on my slip-up. You are right; I was sloppy.

But incidentally, I once knew a deaf minister who considered her condition an occupational advantage. “I don’t hear quite as much crap from the congregation,” she told me.

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