OT - mil rant

Sorry for another (long) moan about my dreaded mil (mother-in-law) but I think I might feel a bit better getting it off my chest otherwise il explode!

Some of you already know my situation but long story short she lives with us, being married 6 years now. I moved in with my husband before we got married so mil (mother-in-law) has always seen it like she owns the place and I get no say in anything.
Since my son (16 Months) came along she’s done nothing but make my life a misery. It got so bad that I walked out when my Lo was 10 Months old and stayed in a hotel that the council put us in.
She’s an awful nasty person. She bitches about everyone and has a really mean streak in her. She treats my husband like shit and is really bad with kids. She thinks she knows better than everyone else but she is really the dumbest person I have ever met! Yet she goes around and expects the world to treat her like she is the queen 🙄

Anyway, there’s a toddler in the house now but this control freak of a woman refuses to make basic changes to the house to make it more child friendly. I’ve put stair gates up which she always complains about and never bothers to actually close them, I put cupboard locks in the kitchen which she constantly puts on unlocked mode because she apparently can’t open them (it’s really not rocket science, everyone else can do it plus she manages to open them and turn them off all the time!), she leaves ridiculously dangerous things around the house that I’m forever running around moving or putting away safely because she just doesn’t give a shit. She’s 60 years old and has had 5 kids herself, why do I have to spell every single little thing out to her or explain WHY something has to be done like putting the iron away so Lo doesn’t grab at the lead, or closing the lid on the bleach bottle properly so he doesn’t open it if he was to ever get to it???? These are just some examples. It’s really really starting to annoy me. It’s not because she doesn’t get it, she just thinks everything I say is rubbish and irrelevant and her way is always right so she shouldn’t have to listen to me at all. I’m only thinking of the safety of my son but she’s just being pure stupid and selfish.

The other thing that is getting to me is the way she constantly watches me and judges everything I do when it comes to my son. Yesterday I was putting him to sleep for his nap and I quickly ran downstairs to refill his bottle which takes no longer than 60 seconds, of course as usual he cried because I left him in his room alone but I know he’s safe and Il be straight back within seconds yet as I walk past her she tuts and says ‘that’s no good’, I said ‘what? What’s no good?’ She said you leaving him to cry it’s very bad, I snapped and told her to mind her own business because she says this every single time I do this, I’ve heard it over and over again and sometimes she goes as far as calling me a bad mum! We always end up arguing and she always makes me feel like the shittest mother in the world.

My sil has 3 kids, her youngest is 5. She works full time so he’s been staying over during the hols. My mil (mother-in-law) is the one who agrees to look after him but she is really bad at it. She expects all her grandkids to sit and watch tv all day and not make a sound. The poor kid was so bored and kept asking her to take him to the park across the road but she couldn’t be bothered. He’s a good kid but she calls him naughty all the time and shouts at him which is so awful, then goes and tells his mum he’s played up when he really hasn’t! Shes very controlling and even more so with children but he’s a smart kid who knows better so if he was to refuse to do something that he’s not comfortable with that she tells him to do she turns so nasty, for example he was wearing shorts and she kept telling him to put some jeans on because he ‘looked silly’ but he really didn’t want to and ended up in tears.

I’m almost 36 weeks now and I’m struggling to do most things but some things just have to be done and that includes housework. You’d think she would try doing a bit more to help me out but nope, it’s like she’s gone on strike and has been refusing to do anything around the house. No surprise really, while I was in slow labour last time my oh asked her to help him make me some food and she had a huge hissy fit over it!
Im super stressed about how it’s going to be when the baby is here.

Comments (24)

There was a big family discussion about this not too long ago because things got so bad and they all realised how unhappy we all were so we are planning on moving out in the next 12 months but we simply can’t afford to yet.
What makes it worse is the fact that this house is actually my husbands which was left to him by his late father but his siblings and mum more or less ganged up on him and said we need to move out and their mum can stay here. It’s a complicated situation tbh. Completely unfair but there’s not much we can do right now.

It will probably get to the point where il end up walking out again for the sake of my mental health and my kids and I don’t want it to come to that but if I feel like I have no choice then maybe itl make my husband realise that she needs to go otherwise he’ll lose me and his kids. I really hope it doesn’t get to that stage though

Is there no where else you can stay?
If the house is your husbands legally I...

Posted
11/08/2018

Is there no where else you can stay?
If the house is your husbands legally I would make her move out.
You need the house more than she does. If the other siblings are so bothered she can live with them. I’m surprised you’ve lasted this long. She sounds horrible xx

Before i had my son I could deal with her but when he was first born she tried all sorts of crap like trying to stop me from breastfeeding, trying to take my rights as a mother away and playing mum herself (even calling herself mum at one point!), there’s too many things to list but that’s when things got serious for me because nobody messes with me when it comes to my kids!
We have no choice but to live here for now. My husband has it just as bad as I do but at least he’s at work all day so he can avoid her. I’m really glad I’ve got him on my side.
His siblings really don’t care, they came up with some dumb excuse like she’s his responsibility because he’s the youngest son or some crap like that so none of them want to actually help out. They just want their mum off their backs.

Legally the house isn’t in his name but it’s in his sisters name because his mum doesn’t speak English well and he was still young when his dad died. Mad situation or what x

Wow I don’t know how u haven’t head butted her sorry 🙊 my mom had some similar traits when I lived with her I told her by the time my son was about 2 if she didn’t move out I would kill her lol I don’t know how ur doing it u must have a lot of patience but I would have to leave x

Ah hun I just don't know how you manage, I'd have lost it with her long before now, I just couldn't do it. I have a huge amount of patience and tolerance when it comes to children and young people but absolutely zero when it comes to adults. No matter who the are - if they act like a d1ck they know about it.

If the house is legally in his sisters name where is she living? The house isn't your husbands if it's not in his name even if that's what his father intended. Technically you don't have a house so go to the council and say so and get on a waiting list for a house if you can't afford it on your own.

She sounds like an absolute nightmare and I really feel for you.
But..... if that's the house she raised her kids in I can understand why it might be difficult for her to change her ways round the house and for her to not want to move out but no exscue for how horrible she is really though. Other issue is if it's not in you DH (dear husband) name then that could open another whole can of worms later! Tbh and i know it wont feel like this as she's a total nightmare, if you've been living there mortgage/rent free you are in a very fortunate and lucky position. I think your best bet is to move out and get yourself somewhere else as it will be a good investment if you buy some where (especially as the house isn't in his name so you wont then be hit with second home taxes), gives you and your family a safety net incase further down the line the legality of it not being in his name causes problems and gets you way from her.

I'm sorry you're so stressed but maybe time to sit down as a family and work out a plan? X

She sounds like an absolute nightmare and I really feel for you.
But..... if...

Posted
12/08/2018

She sounds like an absolute nightmare and I really feel for you.
But..... if that's the house she raised her kids in I can understand why it might be difficult for her to change her ways round the house and for her to not want to move out but no exscue for how horrible she is really though. Other issue is if it's not in you DH name then that could open another whole can of worms later! Tbh and i know it wont feel like this as she's a total nightmare, if you've been living there mortgage/rent free you are in a very fortunate and lucky position. I think your best bet is to move out and get yourself somewhere else as it will be a good investment if you buy some where (especially as the house isn't in his name so you wont then be hit with second home taxes), gives you and your family a safety net incase further down the line the legality of it not being in his name causes problems and gets you way from her.
I'm sorry you're so stressed but maybe time to sit down as a family and work out a plan? X

That’s our plan but I can’t see it happening any time soon, OH (other half) reckons we’ll have the deposit this time next year but I’m not convinced.
I know technically it’s not his house on paperwork but the whole family agree that this IS his house, it’s just not in his name legally. Never really thought about it tbh! It’s only in his sisters name because his parents couldn’t speak much English and I think back then his big sis was in charge of all that sort of thing.
If he wanted the house out in his name I’m sure it wouldn’t be a problem. I think I should probably bring it up with him actually, he should really get that sorted..........

Anyway, I do understand that this is where she raised her kids but she needs to understand that we have started our own family and there are kids in the house so basic little changes need to be made, I’m not asking for much just to keep the place safe for my child which she seems reluctant to do because it’s not her choice and everything must be her way 🙄
I’ve made so many sacrifices for this woman, I want nothing more than just a normal family life with my husband and kids but she refuses to let us live in peace. She thinks she can do whatever she wants. Not to mention treating my husband like a baby all the time. It’s like she’s can’t accept that he’s got he’s got his own family now and I know she’s doing everything she can to drive me away.

If we don’t get out of here soon she will do it again but she’ll end up losing her son aswell. X

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