What will the B.R.A.I.N. initiative do? Like, what are its clearly defined goals and endpoint? The B.R.A.I.N. initiative “has, as yet, no clearly defined goals or endpoint,” The New York Timesreports. First step, then, is coming up with some science-y things that can be represented with the acronyms C.L.E.A.R.L.Y. D.E.F.I.N.E.D. G.O.A.L.S. and E.N.D.P.O.I.N.T.S. The next step: “the development of new tools not yet available to neuroscientists and, eventually, perhaps lead to progress in treating diseases like Alzheimer’s and epilepsy and traumatic brain injury.” The next step: supply every public-school teacher with a high-capacity semi-automatic firearm. No, no, wait. That last thing is part of a different proposal.

Quoth the president: “As humans we can identify galaxies light years away, we can study particles smaller than an atom, but we still haven’t unlocked the mysteries of the three pounds of matter that sits between our ears.” Many more pounds than that, in some cases!