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To tell or not to tell? When it comes to sharing your number of sexual partners, that is the ultimate question. Whether it’s being discussed over drinks with friends or within the intimate confines of a relationship, bring up the topic of sex and numbers, and many of us start shifting nervously in our seats.

If you’re apprehensive to share your tally of sexual conquests, you’re not alone. According the Match.com, most recent relationship survey, over 30% of Canadians feel that it’s never OK to share your “number” with your significant other. However, if you’re going to share, 16% of Canadians surveyed feel that it’s best to do it within the first one to six months of the relationship.

However, keep in mind that whatever is shared with you should be taken with a grain of salt. 21% of Canadians surveyed admit to lying about the number of people they’ve had sex with, with men 5% more likely to lie about their number of sexual partners than their female counterparts. Interestingly, 51% of men have said their number is higher while 57% of women say their number is lower.

It’s not surprising that many people decide to stay quiet or stretch the truth about their sexual pasts. After all, regardless of your number - there’s always going to be some kind of judgement attached to it. Sadly, the same kind of high-school logic still applies in adulthood. There’s always the risk that someone will deem your number too high and you’ll be labelled a “slut.” Conversely, if the number is perceived as too low, you’re a “prude.” You’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t. It all comes down to someone else’s interpretation of what they think your number says about you (spoiler alert: absolutely nothing).

I should know - I spent most of my early twenties obsessively agonizing over my number and where it fit on the spectrum of sexual experience. It wasn’t until I was older and in my first serious, long-term relationship that I realized how silly this was.

Although I believe it’s important to be sexually responsible, at the end of the day, your number is simply that - a number - and nothing else. What may be considered high to one person, is considered low to someone else - and vice versa. I’m now of the belief that numbers belong on Excel spreadsheets, not in the bedroom.

We all have pasts, however I’m more interested in who the other person is in the present. Do they take care of their health? How have they treated their previous sexual partners? What have they learned from their experiences? How are they going to treat me? I’ve learned that asking these kinds of questions is way more sexy and informative than talking math.