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You can't show you're aloof, you can't fake being aloof. What you really need is strong enough interests and hobbies so as to be happy in yourself and by yourself. You need to be in a place where your life doesn't begin to revolve around prospective girlfriends and people you're dating.
There's no games, it's all face value. Guys who have liked me have texted me back right away, guys I liked I've texted back right away. When I haven't been as keen I've left it, I've not shown I'm eager. If you are the kind of person who has a life they love full of things they enjoy you become more attractive to people, they want to be with you. If you show that this new person is the most exciting thing about your life, what makes them want you?
You just need to calm down. You need to get to the place where you can handle being without anyone, where when someone doesn't text back you don't mind as much because you've been busy doing whatever or having fun. You can't fake it, you need to become a person you're happy to spend your time with.
That's what I think anyway. I spent a long time being fucked around by people and then I realised that it only mattered to me because I didn't like my life and I was looking for someone else to change it. It made me very unattractive, it made me chase people who I can't believe now I ever gave two shits about. Then I stopped and I just filled my life with all these things I love. By the time I met someone it was hard to squeeze them in. Now if I broke up with Rhys it would be even harder, I can't imagine just meeting someone and spending 3 days at their house like I used to because how would I work out? What about my writing? When could I read?
Until then you're going to torture yourself over imaginary things.

We both had fun on our date. It was really fun to go out with someone who gets my sense of humor. But part of my baggage is that I've never been on a second date. Ever. And as I look through my previous texts to you, I see how much pressure I was putting on myself and you. I realize that I'm not ready to go on a second date. So instead I'm going to hang out with my friends, see a movie, or just plain have fun. I have some work to do on myself and I won't be able to date you this or next week. Thanks for being sweet.

I understand how you're feeling, Mike, but definitely don't send that message. You don't have to be super confident all the time if you're not feeling super confident, but you had a great date, got along, and even got a smooch. Just let things roll naturally. By that, I mean. Just shoot her a text if you feel like it, and maybe say, "Hey, you feel like hanging out again?" and see where it goes.

We both had fun on our date. It was really fun to go out with someone who gets my sense of humor. But part of my baggage is that I've never been on a second date. Ever. And as I look through my previous texts to you, I see how much pressure I was putting on myself and you. I realize that I'm not ready to go on a second date. So instead I'm going to hang out with my friends, see a movie, or just plain have fun. I have some work to do on myself and I won't be able to date you this or next week. Thanks for being sweet.

Just go on the date. If you throw up in her hair and pee in your pants and she chokes to death while hookahing... well... at least next time you won't be freaked out about having never been on a second date.

You'll just be freaked out for other, different, more legitimate reasons. That's called experience, right?

You can't show you're aloof, you can't fake being aloof. What you really need is strong enough interests and hobbies so as to be happy in yourself and by yourself. You need to be in a place where your life doesn't begin to revolve around prospective girlfriends and people you're dating.
There's no games, it's all face value. Guys who have liked me have texted me back right away, guys I liked I've texted back right away. When I haven't been as keen I've left it, I've not shown I'm eager. If you are the kind of person who has a life they love full of things they enjoy you become more attractive to people, they want to be with you. If you show that this new person is the most exciting thing about your life, what makes them want you?
You just need to calm down. You need to get to the place where you can handle being without anyone, where when someone doesn't text back you don't mind as much because you've been busy doing whatever or having fun. You can't fake it, you need to become a person you're happy to spend your time with.
That's what I think anyway. I spent a long time being fucked around by people and then I realised that it only mattered to me because I didn't like my life and I was looking for someone else to change it. It made me very unattractive, it made me chase people who I can't believe now I ever gave two shits about. Then I stopped and I just filled my life with all these things I love. By the time I met someone it was hard to squeeze them in. Now if I broke up with Rhys it would be even harder, I can't imagine just meeting someone and spending 3 days at their house like I used to because how would I work out? What about my writing? When could I read?
Until then you're going to torture yourself over imaginary things.

Dude. Maybe she had to check her fucking schedule. You're never going to succeed if you convince yourself that every single thing she says is some sort of encoded message of complicatedness. Honestly, the worst thing you can do to yourself is overthink things, and that's exactly what you're doing.

Was that her reaction to the statement that you posted earlier, or something else?
Don't worry about the reactions too much, because no matter what you think about it, the thoughts behind the reaction won't change. But how you act can change the way she feels.

All this reminds me how when I was a kid, my parents wouldn't let me use the microwave. I don't know why. I think they were both a little scared of it. Or had very little confidence in me. So I got to be 10 or 11 and had never used one before. Around that time I went to a friend's house. We wanted to make hotdogs. My friend asked ME to do it. I asked her how long I had to leave the hotdog in the microwave. She said, "Oh you know, just a few seconds."

I said, "Noooo... I do not know. HOW many seconds."

She said, "Uh... like I don't know... 20 or 30? 40 maybe."

I said, "Well Lindsay... is it TWENTY SECONDS or FOURTY SECONDS because unlike YOU, I'm trying really FREAKING hard here to not get us killed."

I think she just heated the hotdogs for me then. It took another few months for me to realize that heating hotdogs is a sort of instinctual thing that has no step by step guide because you must constantly adjust for variables and you can't really learn to do it right without making a few wieners explode first.

Something else. I didn't post that letter. Though part of me wants to, to end things on my terms.

I told her I could do Monday. But it'd be something simple like dinner.

Guys, it's fine. I'll wait 2 weeks like Stephen said.

why are you trying to end it?

Why does having things ended on your terms matter, assuming there is a good reason to end "it"?

I am just worried you are not seeing the forest for the trees here, hunny.

You are wanting a 'relationship' more than you are wanting to just get to know this cool woman you feel a spark with... everyone keeps saying not to overthink it, but if anything I think you are underthinking it.

Think about it. Do you want to ruin the chance to know someone awesome because you are too busy being caught up in a preconceived idea of the ultimate outcome you should be striving for?

Just calm down and breath. Do some sit ups and push ups or something, bullshit with us or others on other things and let your thoughts flow without having to follow every one of them that happens into being a reality. I promise some of those thoughts will flow into all the good outcomes and that will be lovely and then you will be able to proceed more zen.

Something else. I didn't post that letter. Though part of me wants to, to end things on my terms.

I told her I could do Monday. But it'd be something simple like dinner.

Guys, it's fine. I'll wait 2 weeks like Stephen said.

why are you trying to end it?

Why does having things ended on your terms matter, assuming there is a good reason to end "it"?

I am just worried you are not seeing the forest for the trees here, hunny.

You are wanting a 'relationship' more than you are wanting to just get to know this cool woman you feel a spark with... everyone keeps saying not to overthink it, but if anything I think you are underthinking it.

Think about it. Do you want to ruin the chance to know someone awesome because you are too busy being caught up in a preconceived idea of the ultimate outcome you should be striving for?

Just calm down and breath. Do some sit ups and push ups or something, bullshit with us or others on other things and let your thoughts flow without having to follow every one of them that happens into being a reality. I promise some of those thoughts will flow into all the good outcomes and that will be lovely and then you will be able to proceed more zen.

When someone gives you the lying brush off, they don't want to see you anymore.

We talked on a Monday. She said Monday was good for her.
On Wednesday, I asked her to dinner for Monday. She said we talked on Sunday and she was talking about this passed Monday. Something that can be backed up that it's a lie with evidence.
She said she'd check her schedule and get back to me. In other words, don't call us, we'll call you.

I was just gonna say that maybe she's also talking to other guys right now.

Dating seems so insane to me these days but that's just how it goes. I really fucking get upset thinking about the guy I blew off for another guy who ended up brushing me off that same exact day. I really wanted to go on a date with this other guy but at the same time I had already been sleeping with the guy who brushed me off, and it really just is confusing. There is no sense of loyalty, commitment, respect, or consideration. I'm not sure which is appropriate.

My birthday date with PM was the best ever. We had good conversation, laughed a lot and really enjoyed eachother's company. We need to make the effort to go out like that more often. :)

During dinner, I bit into one of the sushi pieces with the intention of biting it in half, but it didn't go as planned, so I had half a sushi piece hanging out of my mouth. I love it when I do that at a fancy restaurant!

I've never had the guts to do this but i read once that when this kind of thing happens and you'll never see the girl again, just ask her to be honest and tell you what you did wrong (if anything) or if there's anything you can improve on so it doesn't happen with the next girl. Most girls don't want to hurt your feelings so i don't know if they'd tell you but maybe you could try it? I usually just brushed it off and moved on though.

I've never had the guts to do this but i read once that when this kind of thing happens and you'll never see the girl again, just ask her to be honest and tell you what you did wrong (if anything) or if there's anything you can improve on so it doesn't happen with the next girl. Most girls don't want to hurt your feelings so i don't know if they'd tell you but maybe you could try it? I usually just brushed it off and moved on though.

It depends on the person. Mostly I think this tactic comes off as needy/still wanting attention(for both guys and girls). I realized that it's not about what you do wrong it's just that you weren't compatible with the person. The more you try to adjust what you've done wrong the more opportunities of finding the right person will go awry.

I've never had the guts to do this but i read once that when this kind of thing happens and you'll never see the girl again, just ask her to be honest and tell you what you did wrong (if anything) or if there's anything you can improve on so it doesn't happen with the next girl. Most girls don't want to hurt your feelings so i don't know if they'd tell you but maybe you could try it? I usually just brushed it off and moved on though.

I don't know, man. She didn't have to be so flattering. I'm going to choose the option where someone is lucky to have me.

It depends on the person. Mostly I think this tactic comes off as needy/still wanting attention(for both guys and girls). I realized that it's not about what you do wrong it's just that you weren't compatible with the person. The more you try to adjust what you've done wrong the more opportunities of finding the right person will go awry.

There are some things that can be fixed but overall if you keep changing who you are you're never gonna find the person that appreciates you for who you really are. Which will create bigger problems down the road unless you don't mind acting like something you're not for the rest of your life/extent of the relationship.

I keep it in my head that if it didn't work out, there's something greater at work and it wasn't really supposed to work out anyway, whether i messed up or not. Because when it does work out and you really like her and she really likes you, there isn't much you can do to mess it up.

Damn. That's really blunt. Very true, man. You can't be everyone's type.
What she said really doesn't help you much. She'd be better off not having said anything in response. What the hell is wrong with people to be so apathetic?

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