Lost a family member today, angry how family is reacting

A close young (21) female family member of mine passed away last night and we are all heart broken over it. Some people in my family have been aggravating me since. We just found out today and they are going on Facebook posting on her mothers wall about it, posting pictures and all. In my opinion it’s too soon, her poor mother probably broke her phone throwing it out the window.

now why I’m upset, the people doing this attention seekers, and always use bad news to gain pity. I know they are hurting but a simple “rip you will be dearly missed”(on the girls wall not the moms) seems to be whertithe line should be drawn. her mother didn’t even find out until noon today.

im pregnant, hormonal, and devastated (the girl committed suicide) but it still seems inconsiderate to do this.

i know I should be thinking about her and not others but I’m just so angry for her mom. Am I wrong here?

@Mrslovebug: Everyone grieves in their own way…but honestly, I think it’s in really poor taste to post on Facebook about it. It’s a bit attention grabby, and it’s always rubbed me the wrong way. I had cousins do it after our uncle died. It definitely irked me to see relatives, who didn’t even visit him or call him once during his decline, post on Facebook about how much they missed him after he passed.

For what it’s worth, I’m very sorry for your loss, and I’m sorry you have to deal with tactless relatives. I hope it gets better.

@Mrslovebug: It depends on the posts. FB can be a less intrusive way of reaching out. The mom can set it so she isn’t getting notifications on her phone, or someone could do it for her. The messages are then there when she is ready to see them.

First, I am so sorry for you loss. I lost my brother to suicide, and it is devastating to those left behind.

But yes, I think you’re wrong for being upset. If she was 21, I am guessing many of her friends are the same age….social media is a huge part of their lives. They are trying, in the way they know how, to express to her mother how sorry they are. When my brother died a few years ago, people called, sent flowers, sent cards. To these 20-somethings, this is their way of calling or sending a card. Just as the people who called, or sent flowers/cards meant no harm, these people mean no harm by reaching out to her mother. Personally, I see that as LESS “attention-seeking” than posting on the deceased’s wall.

Besides, Facebook is optional. If her mom isn’t ready to see the posts, she doesn’t have to sign on until she IS ready.

@Mrslovebug: I’m in a very similar situation as you, pregnant, hormonal and my little brother (17) committed suicide not even two weeks ago. Our mother basically did the same thing. Used his death to draw more attention to herself and make sure everyone knew that it was HER SON that passed away. She left us when he was two years old and insisted on giving his eulogy t the memorial that consisted of fabricated stories telling of what a great mother she was to him (he HATED her) and then she quoted an uncle kracker song. It literally made me sick. I was BEYOND livid that my baby brother will forever be remembered that way by hundreds of people that witnessed her pathetic attempt to gain attention. I realize now that there’s nothing to be done. Obviously people like this do not care and they are only making themselves look stupid. Let them.

That behavior seems normal to me. Most of my friends and family do this when someone passes away.. The same day that it happens. There have been pages made dedicated to the person, and/or people post pictures on the walls of close friends and family members of the person. I don’t personally see anything wrong with it, as everyone grieves in different ways, and with everyone so into technology and facebook, it just offers a new way to do so.

A young boy died a few years ago and everyone started posting on facebook right away. Not everyone in his family had heard about it and they found out through facebook posts. I think that is an awful thing to do. They continued posting about it for a really long time, like you said to get attention and pity, but I also beleive you can’t judge a persons circumstance or feelings because you aren’t them.

@Mrslovebug: I think a lot of people use deaths to garner pity. It seems like when someone dies, suddenly *everyone* was their best friend/closest family member/etc. I’m not sure why that is. Too bad people didn’t act like that when they were still alive.

A student in my school died in high school. People who never even *spoke* to him demanded therapists be brought into school and posted things on social media. It was really hurtful to those who were close to him. I was not, but I was good friends with a few of his friends. The grief they went through losing a friend at that age was heartbreaking and so many people exploited it for their benefit.

People may grieve differently, but it really bothers me when people use deaths to get attention. It’s just one of those things that royally pisses me off.

@Pixienickie: that’s another thing that sucks, twice already on her page people have found out and were upset.

im not upset with them posting on the girls wall, it’s the constant posts on her mothers wall from the same two people that really gets to me. and the people were already attention grabbers. For instance I confided in one the day I got diagnosed (April) with epilepsy. Knowing I s wasn’t ready to talk about it, it still went viral. I should have expected it as its happened every time but I haven’t made that mistake since.

maybe this is my way of dealing with this. I want to be mad at the girl for doing this but I grew up with that fudged up family, I know the toll they (not all, her mom and a couple others are great) take on your mental health. So maybe I’m just placing my anger on these people instead, I don’t know but it’s really rubbing me raw.

thank you te everyone who responded, I’m on my phone right now so it’s hard to respond to all but it means a lot to me right now

To me, they just sound like attention seekers trying to connect themselves to the death in some way. I know a girl like this – the boyfriend of one of her friends died quite tragically (he was only in his early 20s) and she made it all about her and how terrible she was feeling and was running out of lectures at uni in tears, etc. I think she’d only met the guy once.

If those people really wanted to reach out to the girl’s mother in a tactful way they could have sent her a card or even a private Facebook message with their condolences. I know everyone grieves differently, but if someone close to me died and people started posting all over my facebook wall about it, I’d be filthy.