I remember you: meek, friendly, heart dripping stars. We were friends, but not close friends. We were the kind that said “hey” in the halls and wrote “you’re a sweetheart” and “call me this summer” in that year’s yearbook, but never called.

I hadn’t heard from you in over 20 years when we became friends on social media. And we were “friends” in the way it often dictates: the one where you don’t necessarily talk or share, but have access to another’s life, just in case you really want it.

I’d thought of you off and on, especially when I’d see photos or updates roll past my feed, and then one day you reached out.

I remembered thinking it was likely a message sprinkled with nostalgia and perhaps a bit of regret–the kind that comes from losing touch–but what I found was this:

I am not sure where you are in life but I just wanted to reach out to you with an offer. I have thought a lot about this in the past 2 1/2 years since my family has been complete. I am looking into the process of being a surrogate/ gestational carrier for someone. I have done research on several agencies but I am somewhat reluctant to go through an agency because often times they charge the hopeful family a large amount of money for the service. I am not interested in profiting at all from this, I only want to help out. God has blessed me with smooth, uncomplicated pregnancies and I have never suffered a loss. I carried twins until 36 weeks, 4 days and they had no NICU time. I would be willing to carry multiples again. I have followed your blog and I cannot seem to get you or your struggle and pain out of my head. Having a family was a number one priority for me and I cannot imagine what you have gone through. I am very sorry if this offer is coming at a bad time and I completely understand if you are not interested but I just thought I would offer since I will most likely continue to search for a hopeful family in need of help if you are not interested. I feel like we have one chance in this life to make a difference and help others and this is one way I could help someone.
God Bless.

There was nothing to do but cry.

There have been moments when, in blistering heat, I haven’t been offered a sip of water. There have been moments when, in complete and utter despair, an embrace has been withheld. There have been moments when those I love have asked that I never consider them a bodily ally against infertility and pregnancy loss. That I never consider them surrogates of body or spirit.

And then there’s you, offering nearly a complete stranger your womb. And what is it you ask in return??

Nothing.

My heart still hangs on the moon of that evening, grateful that people like you exist…grateful to know people like you exist. And tiny words like Thank you? They’re insufficient.

I know that.

So what do you say to a woman who offered to place your heart in hers?

What can you say?

What can I say?

I can tell you that I will be honoring you, and all those with like hearts, this Mother’s Day and everyday.

It’s women like you–whether through surrogacy or adoption–who give the gift of motherhood to those who would otherwise remain childless.

It’s women like you who give us hope.

It’s women like you who remind us that a child doesn’t have to pass through us to be born of us.

It’s women like you who embody Grace and prove that we are each other’s keepers.

It’s women like you who allow us a chance to cloak ourselves in midnight and miracles and step onto the magically tragic, heartrendingly surreal, life-altering ride that is parenthood.

It’s women like you.

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I'm a new parent, aspiring novelist, and an admirer of those "in the arena". In truth, dear reader, I'm unsure what this space will become, but I hope you'll join me as we discover its heartbeat together.

It is puzzling how many of us grace total strangers with overflowing generosity but are without compassion, impatient and unforgiving with those closest to us. I’m guilty of that sometimes. There must be something about that layer of separation that makes it easier to give to those we barely know, not that offering your womb to someone is at all easy. In fact, I’m in awe of her. I can’t think of a more precious gift to offer someone. It’s the gift of helping someone imagine a different outcome and regardless of what you choose to do with the offer, it fills me with joy to know you have been given this glimpse into different possibilities. Maybe it shouldn’t be called Mother’s Day but Mother Energy Day so that we can celebrate the creative life energy that resides in all women. Much love to you! xxoo

Your comment encapusulates all I feel – from loving strangers sometimes more than those we know to calling Mother’s Day something else. My heart and thoughts always go to Dani, and now to women who so generously offer their bodies as vessels for life.

TheMomCafe.com

Oh my heart… wow. I am in awe of how God surely finds His Angels to work His miraculous ways here on earth, to bless his precious children who ache and long for His provision. How amazing it is, when we are privileged to receive such incredible gifts! Will you take it? That is what I wonder…

It seems perfectly on purpose, yes? Oh Dani! Perhaps this IS the answer to prayer! Your words always claw at my heart, ripping it open to the flood of emotions that you feel… and I soak in.

Oh, Chris, the jury is still out on this. If the transfer is successful, she’ll serve as surrogate for another couple shortly. Perhaps, if the offer is still on the table afterward, we’ll consider it again. I would Never want someone to miss out on an opportunity to add another note to the song of their family because of our indecision. Never.

Danielle de Luca

StephanieJane

So, so heartswelling! ❤ I would imagine that this day has been a difficult one for you every year in the recent past. I thought of you this morning, actually, before I even saw that you had posted. While I haven't gone through the unimaginable heartache that you have experienced, I do find myself disappointed today, and feeling a bit hollow and empty, because all of our "trying" has been unsuccessful so far. But, I thought of you and how much good can come from pain (because your voice, sharing your pain, does so much good). My thoughts of you inspired me to keep my chin up. Whatever transpires from this beautiful offer that you received, it makes my heart happy that someone has shown such love to you, especially today. ❤

Thank you, Stephanie Jane. It really is beautiful to see the strands of our humanity sewn from one heart to the next.

And I’m terribly sorry to hear of your sadness and disappointment over TTC. Whether the positive pregnancy test doesn’t come or does and ends in loss, there is grief. I will be thinking of you both and hoping that you’ll be blessed with parenthood soon.

Dani, your transparency and reality with words are a gift that pulls us out of our little cubbies of comfort to touch your pain and your heart, to make us more aware of the tidal waves around us.

What a gift.

I, too, thought of you this morning and prayed that somehow your heart would be lifted, not swallowed by the pain of it. I never imagined how that lifting would be. I thank God for that cup of cool water for your soul.

It was a blessing to hear it with your voice. Thank you, precious one.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers, Jane. I never expected such an offer or how I’d feel afterward. Thankfully, there was markedly less sadness this Mother’s Day and I’m quite sure that knowing such hearts exist was a great part of it.

Thank you for sharing this space with me.
And thank you again for your friendship…in all moments.

That is one of my absolute favorite poems and to hear you reading it – what an amazing experience. The beauty of this offer is astounding and your open, loving response is even better. I’m standing here on our fault line, taking your words into my heart and saying thank you. xo

Wow. There are no words. She is an angel on earth, sent to you for a reason. Even if you don’t accept, she still served a purpose in allowing you to feel and believe in the beautiful power of the human spirit. Lastly, your sweet voice is just as I imagined it. 😉 Sending you love and light, Dani.

Hauntingly and redemptively beautiful, Dani. Huge hugs and crocodile tears for you. May your heart always grow as a mother’s…which you are. May your spirit be overwhelmed with beauty and wholeness, and may you be engulfed with many many kindnesses. Tears, hugs, and love, Gracie