Sunday, June 5, 2011

The Maternal Glow

It has often been said that having given birth imparts a certain glow to a mother, a fruition of natural beauty. I can vouch for this, because a friend of mine recently gave birth (and not the one you're thinking of*). Yeah, my friend and co-worker Shelly (she's with the grounds staff, her job entails removing organic detritus from the small river on site) gave birth on Sunday. Doesn't she look beautiful?

Shelly sure is a looker, though I have no idea where the father of her children is these days. Unfortunately, he didn't stick around for the kids' sake. Shelly's on the rebound, but I know just the guy for her.

Note, anyone referring to Shelly as a snappy-headed ho is flirting with a lifetime ban.

Hilariously, the Wikiwakiwoo has this statement, which is a remarkable example of understatement: "The common snapping turtle is not an ideal pet"

15 comments:

I did have a snapping turtle as a pet. One day, while wading through an lagoon near the C&O canal near Carderock, I came across a large snapping turtle, which I immediately picked up (because that's how I did things, when I was a kid). He/she/it/turtle couldn't get a bite at me, as my hand were too far back around the middle the shell.

So said turtle came to live with us in a plastic tub on the porch for a week, before being returned to the canal for being just too big.

P.S. So what was I doing wading in a lagoon near the canal? Looking for snakes, of course.~

I had a pet alligator snapping turtle when I was a youth. It was a very young alligator sanpping turtle, it's shell was only about the size of a half dollar. I too had to return it to the park where I found it, it was too smelly to be kept in the house, even with regular aquarium cleaning.

and the little stinker in question looked much like these:http://www.google.com/search?tbm=isch&hl=en&source=hp&biw=1363&bih=311&q=alligator+snapping+turtle+hatchlings&gbv=2&aq=1&aqi=g4&aql=&oq=alligator+snapping+turtle+ha

Why didn't you just dig a pool in the backyard, and use the turtle to dispose of the bodies of your enemies, like villain in a James Bond flick?Even if I were able to lure my enemies to my turtle pit, I think they may have been able to overcome a 3oz turtle. If I were able to dispatch my enemies myself (not a given, 8th grade me was not particularly ferocious), the 3oz turtle would take a long time to dispose of the evidence. Also, in 8th grade, while I certainly had people I hated like poison, I am not sure I had any enemies worthy of being dispatched and fed to a turtle or group of turtles.

About Me

The Big Bad Bald Bastard is a character played by Monsieur _______ of the City of Y______. The role of the Bastard is a handy one to play on subways, walking the streets, and in dive-bars, when being a nerdy, bookish sort is not to one's advantage.