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Thursday, September 25, 2008

I've been thinking about Jesus a lot lately...I mean, I think of Him everyday, but specifically thinking about His life and ministry and what His day to day activities were like. What His true reactions were to crowds of thousands that followed Him. How He acted before and after He would perform miracles, like what His face looked like: cocky, if He'd stop and smile for the crowd, flashing his pearly whites, thanking them for their support, sign a few autographs, or if He'd simply carry on because there were actually important things to do with His life, like, say, telling people about eternal life and God's unconditional love for them..you know, like changing the world kind of stuff...

What really made me ponder this was glancing around at the televisions in the gym and seeing blurbs on shows about famous people, absurdly wealthy hedonists, politicians, big events, award shows...bright lights, cameras galore, red carpets, pomp and pageantry...glitz and glamour, name dropping...attention, attention, attention! And that's just on TV. How does it translate into our lives? Do we truly care about all that stuff? Why do you care if Sarah Doodlebop marries Johnny Dingleberry, but he secretly has 12 kids with 25 different women ($%^&), but he's so rich that he's paying gazillions of dollars in alimony and child support, so it should all work itself out and Sarah will still get her new Prada shoe collection that is due out next Spring and the dozen or so kids will all go to the best schools, and shrinks, so it'll all be swell!? Do we think that by associating with certain circles, reading certain magazines, buying our clothes, food, furniture, cars at certain stores, that makes us: important, special, unique? Famous?

I was trying to make sense of it all. I am not bashing you if you are a fan of a certain actor, band, fashionista, please understand. Everyone here knows I think U2 is a fabulous band, but I don't obsess about them, memorize trivial facts about them, and hang outside their homes hoping for a paparazzi moment. I live my life in pursuit of more eternal things. I'm not blowing my horn, here, but I'm also not blowing sunshine at you if you think that is any sort of life...a vicarious life through famous people or the person next door!? An exciting life on earth does not come to you through osmosis! It comes from being at the feet of Jesus, being led through this life by His Spirit, in hot pursuit of eternity.

If it were the way to live life Jesus would have modeled it, knowing it was important for His followers by leading by example. He would have bowed down to the leaders of the time, read every magazine to see "Who is Who in Jerusalem" and worn the latest cloak by Ralph Lipschitz. He would have pursued hanging around Pontius Pilate, Herod, all the Pharisees and teachers of the law. He would have expected, as the King of the Universe, oh, I don't know, only 800-thread count sheets upon His arrival to certain towns, only green M&M's on hand with seven bottles of Japanese lava water at each speaking engagement, His matzoh balls only pan seared and herb-crusted and for the paparazzi to only get shots of him from the waist up since He was a short Jewish guy.

Maybe people have a hard time following Jesus because His red carpet was palm fronds. He wasn't tall, dark and handsome and didn't do anything about the kink in his nose. He dined on salty fish and bread. He drank well water instead of bottled water. His pimped ride was a young ass that had cloaks on its back. His tiara did not hold its weight in gold, rather it held the weight of the world, oursins. Maybe, since you can't see God's majestic throne with your physical eyes, it's easier for you to worship created things you see, or your own life? Or the beautiful people on the covers of magazines, or on TV, or on the silver screen...

I mean, I guess it was a little flashy to leave earth in the clouds, leaving hundreds behind gawking and waiting for Him to return, and then, of course, sending the angels to help the people snap out of it and get to work sharing the good news...but seriously, I think raising from the dead after You just endured torture and crucifixion, and have gone to hell to get the keys to life merits some clouds and angels, don't you?

The truth is this: no matter how hard we try, Jesus just doesn't fit into our ideal of what a hero or savior should look like. He didn't wear a badge and didn't look a thing like Hollywood, New York, London, Paris, (U2 song lyrics...FYI) nor did He live like it. He lived like a guy who was confident in who He was, who knew His purpose, and was not about to be wooed or swayed by any one's opinion of Him, regardless of the treatments He received on earth, regardless of whether He understood all of His Father's will. Well, One opinion mattered...and it was for His opinion that He lived and died.

I guarantee, with all of my being, which may not mean squat to you, but I guarantee that God's word and a life led by His Spirit is a gazillion, trillion, billion times infinity, more interesting, exciting, and rewarding than the pursuit the 'Jones'' are on.

Whose opinion do you seek? All these things can bring you attention and recognition, but is it the right kind of attention? Seriously, what matters?! And then, live like that. Yes, we will all mess up, but God knows our hearts, since there is no such thing as a secret.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

So, I'm not afraid to admit it...I need help. In what area, you ask? Where, oh where to begin? Okay, let me rephrase...I don't need help in the sense of comparing my want to real needs. Em would be the first to correct me on that.Mom, you don't need to buy that shirt, you want it. Mom, you don't need chocolate...you want it. Touche! Where do you think she learns this stuff? Wink. Wink.

Anyway, I have admitted long ago that I am cyber challenged. This shouldn't be news to anyone. It isn't to me. I am grateful everyday that I married Jason for a plethora of reasons, and it just so happens that one of them is his 'techy' abilities. But, I must say, even his are limited. I have searched for hours off and on looking for a 'new look' for Noah's blog. Maybe you are used to it, but I would like a fresh new look here. I wish you could see inside my brain to see what the design looks like...but alas, you can't, and I don't know how to get it onto 'computer'/'paper'. I drive myself crazy like this...I design shoes in my head and then expect them to be at a store, or shirts, skirts, stationary, etc! It's enough to make you batty! Well, me anyway.

I could tell you the look I'm going for and then, perhaps in cyber world, there is someone who can show me how to give my sweet little guys blog a new look. Why is this necessary, you may ask? It's not. Blogs aren't even necessary. It's just that Noah's blog page is a stock template and it's never 'looked' like how I feel.

See! Welcome to my world! It's exasperating! Is there anyone out there that can help me? With this task, at least? Cleaning my house, making creative dinners, wearing clothes that match, my hair...that's another story! adexoxox@gmail.com

Monday, September 22, 2008

Em: Mom, I sent a balloon to Noah.Me: Oh Em, that is so sweet!Jason: Em also wants to tell you something.Me: Okay?Em: I also wrote "I love you, Noah and Rosa" on another balloon.Me: Who's 'Rosa'?Em: The baby that died before I was born. I named her 'Rosa'.Me: 'Rosa'? (Spanish accent in my head...or picturing Rosa Parks on a bus...)Em: Yeah, Rosa.Me: What if it was a boy?Em: No, it was a girl. Her name is 'Rosa'.Me: What about 'Rose'?Em: No. It's Rosa.Me: Okay...

Next day...Em: Mom, I changed it to Rosie. I like that better.Me: (Thinking, like Rosie O?! $%^&)...Okay, Em. Sure.Me: Did you know before Noah was born you wanted to name him 'House House'?...

For those of you that are lost...House House is just a random name Em, while she was 3, thought you could name a human! As far as 'Rosa' goes, the only place she's heard that name is the character of a dog in a book, but there is no significance...she just got it in her head that it should be the name of the baby I miscarried. I thought I was the most random person, but alas, Em wins!

Friday, September 19, 2008

This sweet little boy, so beautiful, only 3, a big brother, a son, a grandson, and I don't even know him, his name is Cole and he's been given hours to live here on earth with him mommy and daddy. I have been praying for him for quite some time now...He's really sick. Please pray for his family, his dad Aaron, his mom Moireen, and his little sis, Chaneille. And, please, if you feel led, go to his site and encourage his family with the simple statement of "I'm praying" or "I'm sorry" or "You guys are in my prayers."

People come to my site for random reasons. If you are here to learn how to grieve and mourn with others, you can do this simple thing. Did you know in some countries, and in Biblical times, communities would mourn with families whether they knew the deceased or not? And it wasn't just for a few days...It was for a month or so.

Please, even when we have the hope of Heaven, mourning isn't as difficult knowing you aren't alone on the journey...please mourn withthis family. And by the way, you probably should put a bowl on top of your computer to collect your tears. I hear moisture and electronics don't mix!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

You're the gift that came to take us backCause baby dear, you have the joy we lackWith your tiny handsYou touch a different worldYour full of wonder, full of hopeAnd full of one more chanceFor us to see the world againLike God sees the world

Little lover of GodYou'd smile at a strangerYou don't think to be carefulHow sweet is your loveYou'd reach for the most unlovely of creaturesYour love is so unconditional

You're the gift that came to take us backCause baby dear, you have the love we lackWith your tiny heartYou love a different worldYou're full of wonder, full of hopeAnd full of one more chanceFor us to love the world againLike God loves the world

And a child shall lead themFor such is the kingdom of heavenSimple faith, simple loveJust because

Little faithful oneYou're just like a mirrorReflecting anything and everything we doMirror, mirror oh how you remind usThat we should reflect our Father just the same

You're the gift that came to take us backCause baby dear, you have the faith we lackWith your tiny lifeYou've shown the precious love of GodHe's full of mercy, full of grace,And full of one more chanceFor us to daily learn to loveLike He first loved us

And a child shall lead themFor such is the kingdom of heavenSimple faith, simple loveJust because

By Watermark

I've had this song on a Watermark CD for a few years...I just 'heard' it for the first time this summer. It was written because the artists lost a child through miscarriage and then had a boy named Noah who was healthy and whole...kind of a redemption for them. I didn't know these facts while listening to the song repeatedly...I only knew that the lyrics were true for us, despite our outcome. They wrote it for their child that lived. I resonate with it because of my child who died. It's irony at its finest.

I wanted to share: I received the most amazing gift last night...though I didn't realize it until morning. As I was waking up I remembered I had dreamt about my sweetest little man! In the dream I woke up to go to Noah's hospital bed to give him a huge kiss and say, "Good Morning!"As I was leaning over his sweet face, his eyes opened and he looked at me, smiled and said, "Good Morning!" I was blown away! Day after day in the hospital I had expected the same response...which was none...so, in the dream, I was in such awe, enjoying the moment, telling everyone around me. I got to hold my sweet guy without any attachments, no medical tubes, just Noah, free, strong, healthy, whole, in my arms, nuggling me in return.

And then...I noticed he needed the machine after while, so I had to replace his trach into his neck, and the dream was over...Yes, the ending is sad, but the dream gave me a glimpse of what his life is really like in Heaven...He is free, he is whole, he is happy, and remembers me...And you know what? This sweet dream was a specific gift from God. Before I went to bed last night, I told the Lord that I was grateful for this phase of my journey, the steadfast peace I know each day, but that I loved Noah and missed him and wanted Him to tell him how very much. Instead, or in addition I suppose, He showed me how much He loves me by blessing me with a dream starring Noah, whole and healed. How cool is God?

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Here's an update: With the help of many people, my financial goals have been met in full, and then some!

I am blown away! Thank you so much for praying for me during this journey and supporting me, either financially or by walking with me on training walks or helping with fundraising. If you really wanted to give to our team, there is still time, and my teammates could sure use the help. My account is overflowing, but unfortunately I cannot roll over finances from my account to those of my teammates. I really don't want to walk alone amongst thousands of people, and they have all been training so diligently, so if you know of someone interested in still giving, send them on over to our team site and click on any other name than mine to give. We are having a huge party fundraiser next Friday night with merchants and a silent auction from 5:30 to 8:30 for anyone who is local and interested, you can email me at adexoxox@gmail.com .

On Monday my sister and I walked 20 miles. It took us 5 hours. Yeah...that's a long time. Jason dropped Em off at school so we could be there by 6:00 sharp. Because I almost passed out on one of my previous walks, back at 12 miles or something, and had to literally stop at the Fire Department for water (he looked at me like he thought he should be taking my blood pressure, it was that bad...), I've been doing the last few long walks indoors on a treadmill. Since it's right next to my sister, I have great conversation, great tunes, access to CNN, and books and magazines, so somehow it's not as boring as you might think.

Anyway, I can't believe my team is headed to NYC in 3 weeks! My sister and I are going a couple of days early to play in that town, the one that today, was attacked, but I believe made stronger, just 7 years ago. And for everyone in D.C. and Pennsylvania, we remember and continue to pray, as well. We pray because there are so many people left over that will always grieve, children without parents, spouses now widowed, parents with no children, grandchildren, cousins, friends...and not only the victims, but the heroes that day and the days that have followed. And my heart breaks for the children and families of the terrorists, either deceived that their daddies were actually heroes, or grieved knowing the truth and being saddened by their hatred...

The irony of the thought processes of evil is that the Enemy of our hearts truly thinks that in attacking us as: individuals, families, communities, a nation, we would actually stand down and give into his threats or carried out plans. And his attacks come in so many shapes and forms...do you really think it was God's divine design to have disease run rampant in the earth in the very humans He created and loves? A lot of things happened in the Garden that day...He wasn't trying to be a big jerk rule maker and prevent Adam and Eve from having fun in the Garden. He was protecting them from the Enemy of their hearts, souls, spirits. Yet, since He's not a puppeteer, He did not force them to do as He instructed, but did tell them the Truth as their foundation...what happened next was what so many fight for...their right to choose.

It didn't work with this family, and many others I know, and I don't believe that it has happened with America, though some have allowed discouragement to set in, and even hatred. That's the point. That is exactly what satan intends each time he strategically carries out a plan...to harden our hearts toward the God who truly loves us and provides hope for us.

I pray that if your life has been affected by cancer, whether you physically or through someone you know, that you would see it for what it is, a horrible disease, but not God's hatred or rebuke. And in the midst of your journey, if you would allow God to be present in it, I don't guarantee you will be physically healed on this earth, but I can guarantee that in Christ, you'll find a healing you never dreamed possible...

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Republicans think we (women) are stupid and gullible and reading this post and the comments left have just proven that fact. Nothing she has done or said, let alone McCain proves anything about how to run a country. She can't keep track of her daughter (obviously abstinence only ed does not work). Also she hid her pregnancy till her 3rd trimester and the fact that the baby had Down's Syndrome from her family and kids, and not until he was born was he a blessing to shared. That's pretty shady if you ask me. What else is she hiding until the perfect time to exploit it?The above comment was left by 'anonymous'.

Oh, I could go so many places with this...and so I shall. I find it ironic that 'anonymous' believes that "Republicans" think women are stupid since millions of Republicans are women. I am not stupid. That is why I am no more wooed by O, as in Oprah or Obama, than I was by Bill Clinton 16 years ago. I actually used to really admire Oprah because of her philanthropy, but then she revealed wishy washy ideals with which I do not agree, so I simply do not watch her anymore. I know she is doing good in people's lives, but for the love people, she's not Jesus! She's Oprah. Sheesh. Young and beautiful, ieObama, Clinton, or Palin, doesn't seal votes for me. It may for some, but I am actually going to vote on principle, character, issues, and policies. That's like choosing a candidate because the Hollywood Elite has rallied behind him or her...not substantial reasoning. It's called 'Bandwagon'. You don't have to hop on it. I'm so sad that some out there, either on the right or left, actually take a presidential election so seriously that they lose perspective of living a life that truly has meaning and impact. It is important. But if Jesus Christ comes back during the next 4 years, the eternal issues will still be the ones that matter day to day, one day at a time, and especially on that day, the day He promised to return.

I watched the movie "Smart People" last weekend. It was entertaining because I know people like those portrayed in the movie and, at the same time, it made me want to hurl. Repulsive. Merit based on books and affiliations. So quick to give advice, always prepared to 'educate' the lowly, or, more often than not, forming opinions of others that they have deemed ignorant, simple-minded, stupid...simply because they hold differing opinions, views, and values in life.

I know there are other Republican women, and men, who were also qualified, some more than Sarah Palin, to be chosen as McCain's running mate. But that doesn't mean they were the right fit for the direction McCain desires to take this country. He's sick of being lumped on the right and wanted to show that in choosing a qualified leader, he really intends to bring change. Let me put it this way...just because we as women have uterus' does not mean we are all qualified to be mothers or produce offspring. The same is true for men...without needing to describe their body parts. There are many who are definitely not. And those women, should they be so self-aware, should give their babies to women who want more than anything to be moms...though, since they even would consider an ab*rti*n out of inconvenience (I altered the spelling because I had a psycho far right-winger sending me comments...) shows they give more of a rip about their choices of what to do with their vaginas than about the woman next door who grieves every day, longing for a child of her own.

As far as the jab at Palin for her inability to keep track of her daughter, I am curious, 'anonymous' if your parents handed the key of your chastity belt to your spouse at the altar or if that was yours to give away...your choice, your responsibility? My parents taught me about sex...what I chose to do with that information was up to me. Perhaps she did it to get her mom's attention? Perhaps she got pregnant because she had sex with her boyfriend? I'm no rocket scientist, but...if it was to get her mother's attention, she sure did, along with the nations, and thankfully she has a supportive family, and father of the child, to rally around her.

Oh, and as far as keeping her pregnancy a secret until 7 months, I won't pretend to know the 'why' or if that is even true. I will say this, however, I lost a child before I had Emily. I lost a child after 7 months to an unknown disease. I miss him every day and the prospect of getting pregnant again brings a flood of emotions. Let's see...I thought in my head that when I said I wanted 2-4 kids that meant they'd be cute, healthy, LIVING. Every day young couples get pregnant with dreams of healthy, bouncing babies. Having a perinatal fatal diagnosis, or potentially life-threatening, or shortened life expectancy, diagnosis given to you at the doctor's office, for a visit that was just to find out if it is a boy or girl, is heart-wrenching. I know because I have friends who have bravely walked that road. If I do get pregnant again, I haven't decided if I am going to tell anyone but Jason, or if I'm going to tell the world. I would imagine, as a woman who is empathetic, that having received such news, and living a life in the public eye, cherishing the quiet moments of pregnancy with a child you may or may not get to know would be priceless, and private.

The Bible talks about how we as parents should train our children in the way they should go and when they are old, they will not part from it. It doesn't say that they will be perfect. It does not say they won't make mistakes. It says that we should talk about the Lord and His word when we are coming and going...not just on Sundays and not until we deem them 'old enough' to make educated decisions about faith on their own. That's like not teaching them the alphabet, numbers, or how to read until they are adults, or 'old enough' to truly appreciate learning. It is not a wonder that there are millions of 'Recovering: Catholics, Protestants, Jews, Buddhists, Muslims, etc.' who are only half-hearted, if at all, in their desire to ever want to truly meet God the way He desires to be met. It is our jobs as parents to teach our children that the Creator of the Universe, God, who designed them and knows each hair on their heads, is the same one that designed sex and called it good. He is the same one that warns us to enjoy sex inside of marriage, not only because of pregnancy, but now because there are hundreds, if not thousands, of sexually transmitted diseases that cause: cancer, fatal diseases, infertility, etc.

I've been judged because I am teaching Emily from the Bible and not educating her on the other world religions at this time, stating that I am making that choice for her. I am responsible to teach Emily the Truth. I will also teach her about the other world religions because I was a theology major and, because I don't want my child living in a cave of ignorance. From there, I will continue to pray and trust that God will lead Emily because she is His child. But I can say this, it's a lot easier to teach a child truth and watch faith grow in them than to try to convince an educated adult that faith is real and God loves them, despite them...how will you cherish the gift God has given to you?

I am Adrienne Graves. I am the author of this blog. I am not stupid. If you want to call me stupid, at least leave your name instead of remaining anonymous. Thank you.

*Because most people don't read follow-up comments...this is mine:Except I wasn't angry when I read the comment or when I posted...I can feel passionate, but this didn't bother me in a way that is implied, thus the 'rant' comment. I know other people were worked up...you can 'read' it in their comments, but I am not an angry person, though some things make me angry, mostly things that have little to do with elections. I pray that the passion with which some have responded here would be just a slice of the passion with which they live a life for eternity, for the hope of Christ. There's nothing in this election yet that does...it has all played out as politics as usual, yes, with everyone wooing the masses, promising coke in the drinking fountains and after school ice cream sales every day, which is why, I like Heidi Jo, enjoy the off years. It's the day to day that matters, as Christ said, and that's just how I am trying to live my life, as imperfect as I am.I enjoy discussion and am open to it. That's why I bring up the controversy and am not afraid of disagreement...because it doesn't bother me, and as children searching for Truth, I will continue to bring up things that make us all think, and squirm, but more importantly, search our hearts, and hopefully allow our hearts to be found by Him...great stuff here, guys. I appreciate non-hateful, intelligent conversation, regardless or where people stand. Adexoxox12:22 PM

Thursday, September 04, 2008

...It's perfume in the Oval Office...AND IT'S NOT COMING FROM AN INTERN!

So, as I've said before, bawling while working out is really difficult! It's hard to breathe, let alone see! So, last Friday morning when I arrived at the gym, I glanced up to see what program was on TV and read the closed captioning stating McCain's choice for a running mate. My jaw hit the floor, a lump formed in my throat, and I did everything in my power from doing a very public, very expressive happy dance right then and there. I did talk to the guy next to me who was very aware of my dumbstruck appearance...he was impressed that she is a sportswoman. I never saw it coming! Who knew?

I will say this...I was going to vote for McCain regardless of his running mate. Asked by a few people I know who are Democrats, or just wooed by Obama, why on earth I would vote for another Republican, I stated that if this were a job (hello, it's a big job), and these guys were being interviewed and hired, McCain's resume outweighs the competition. Plain and simple. In addition to his credentials, he's not a typical Republican, he's not a cookie cut, crowd following, government pleasing politician. He's a maverick. He thinks outside the box and refuses to be lumped into the ideals of the last 8 years. Yes, he has supported some of what Bush has done over his terms of office, but how the media and Obama's camp have continued to drill home the idea that McCain is more of the same, is so ignorant. This isn't a popularity contest...this is real life and our country's future. Obviously he is younger than McCain...a vast majority of people are...but age is what got Clinton into the Oval Office, and the only smell from that Oval Office was fishy...

For any of you who have read here long or know me at all, I don't like to be compared to others and I really, really, really, really, really feel passionate about my uniqueness and independence, though I love, love, love team. I feel strongly about things, I enjoy going against the grain, don't mind ruffling feathers, and have no qualms in sharing my guts, regardless of opinions of me...I know that is why I will whole-heartedly support John McCain and Sarah Palin.

My sisters and I used to play a game while looking at prom dress magazines. As we'd open a page spread, no matter how disgusting, gaudy, ugly, cheesy, sleazy, whatever the choices of dresses, no matter what, we had to choose one. And, if you are a product of the 80's you know more about this than you'd care to admit. Along the same lines, months back when each party was choosing their candidate and things were ugly between Hillary and Barack, I told a couple friends that if I were a Democrat and if I had to choose between either of the two, I would pick Hillary just for shits and giggles and the fact that she is a woman and it would be fantastic to give a woman a whirl at the job. (Does anyone realize that England has been a powerful force in the earth for hundreds of years with a woman in charge now and then? Fascinating, huh? How on earth have they survived, especially since some of them were wives and moms?! #$%^&)

Thankfully I did not have to actually choose Hillary since she is not a woman for whom I could honestly or faithfully rally. I admire her tenacity on a personal level. I respect her for being a mother and faithful wife. I am not so sure I could have stood by my husband during the most idiotic and humiliating public/personal choice of his life. I respect her for that. I whole heartedly agree with her that Obama would not bring as much experience as she would have...I do believe it takes a family of loving people to raise a child, though I don't care about a whole village piping in their two cents worth. As far as warmth, as far as Hillary representing the true core of a woman, or the general population of wives and moms...well, she just didn't do it for me.

And then came Sarah...Sarah. Already a household name here at our house. Emily has named her last 3 fish "Sarah". Her Barbie's name is "Sarah", and pretty much any time she makes up a bedtime story, her character is "Sarah". Why? Maybe she's prophetic...anyway...

And then came Sarah...a real woman, a real live person, not from Washington, someone with whom others can relate, who is morally grounded, in the thick of the energy battle, a governor, former mayor, PTO mom, wife, soon to be grandma. And, she's warm, but my favorite part...she's SPICY! I love spice.

I, for one, realize that a Vice President does not share the exact responsibilities of the President. But, if anything were to happen to either candidate, I have confidence that Sarah Palin would fill the role with flying colors.

My job as a child of God is to pray for His will to be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. My job is not to put all my faith in another person. Neither candidate is the Messiah. He already came. His name is Jesus. All I know is that for the next 61 days, I am going to pay attention. I'm going to seek the Lord, be a wife, mom, and friend, work on Noah's book, I'm going to live life as usual, one day at a time. The election does not change my pursuit of intimacy with the Lord, nor is my faith rocked regardless of who is elected. For those freaked out that this is the end of the world because of a certain elected official, God is the ONLY one in charge of that, so stop living in fear. But I will make an educated and prayerful vote, and I will vote for the candidates who value life and change and God's moral code, not political correctness. God's never been that...

About Me

Not a lot...and probably too much. I'm simple and complicated. I'm completely random and totally calculated. I'm a talker and a listener, an idealist, a realist and a dreamer. I am a living oxymoron. I love God more than I can put into words and am thankful that I don't have to try to live this life out on Earth without Him. My husband and kids are my most favorite! My family and friends are true gifts from God. I'm finally 40-ish and I think it's fabulous! Pain and suffering are two things I have embraced because in walking through them, I am learning to live life to the fullest. One. Day. At. A. Time.