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Tuesday, May 5, 2015

The Madness MAKING of CFS/ME

Guest Blog - written May 2, 2015

Dr. Nancy Klimas, an expert in ME, CFS, and AIDS, was quoted as saying, "A CFS patient feels the same or worse than congestive heart failure; the same or worse than late stage AIDS. If I had to choose between the two illnesses, I would rather have H.I.V. "Not to say that it's easy having AIDS either, but CFS/ME (and Fibromyalgia) does not get the credibility for the seriousness of how deeply those afflicted suffer invisibly, or the understanding of how insanely hard and challenging it is on a daily basis with very little relief that goes on year after year into decades. And for many of those years and decades, I only lived with "it" and didn't have a name for this invisible torment that no words can describe as I was left for dead by the medical community.

I kept quiet and tricked people for
too long about this and now I am finally being honest; being honest to give
voice and validation to so many of us as we have hidden in shame and confusion.
But now it's time to get real. Talk about it. I downplayed it for
decades and used every device available (healthy and not so healthy) to cope to
appear "normal" and capable to get through social situations,
relationships, careers. But the wheels always fall off in each endeavor because
I didn't have a clue of what was happening to me. So, I tried to
positively think myself better, along with years of much trial and error in
everything holistic (as the medical community has no answers or help) and
blamed my supposed personality or thinking defects. There is so much oppression
around these chronic toxicity illnesses (like Fibro, MCS, Lyme, CFS) that
is trying to shame us into silence. No more. Time to bring awareness. Time to
be courageously truthful.

Most people think that because you
aren't killed quickly by "it" (your ongoing struggle that is
invisible and has no name) nor appear to be ill, then you can't be that sick
and are exaggerating or creating problems when there are none. But just the
opposite is happening; you are hiding and diminishing the reality of the
seriousness of this mystery illness. So, you aren't seen or validated (and then
wrongly seen), then people demand of you things you are incapable of doing or
being and add insult to injury by telling you (or silently judging you) that
it's all in your head or it must be just your need for suffering and lack of
gratitude for life. Just because they might see you on a good day, they assume
that you are fine (that day when you could and chose/allowed to see
people that you built up to for days and weeks and will pay for in the same).
You use every coping mechanism to get through this social interaction available
(and invisibly to those you are with, so they just see you as "fine").
All the attempts at hiding "it" and overcoming "it"
due to shame for this mystery while in a social interaction has worked.
You've fooled them, but gotten yourself caught in a corner as well. A lonely
double life.

You want to be a part of the land of
the living; you long for it and love being with people, not isolating yourself,
but it devastates you energy wise. You're then accused of ignoring friends, not
making efforts, preferring isolation over connection, preferring animals over
people. None of these are true. You want to share with others what's happening
to you, but don't want to focus on it when in a social setting, as it's relief
from the isolation; what words can possibly describe this hell? Any attempt to
describe it makes you sound like you are complaining or being negative or too
focused on it (as if a vice on your head can be ignored even though you tried
to deny it and avoid it for years). So, you live a double life that is
isolating, lonely, suffocating, and tormenting; you're never truly seen for
your genuine self in any way. When with people, you then make the choice
to hide it and cope with all your might with whatever resources are available
before collapsing behind closed doors again. It's living in a glass cage and
window shopping at life despite the utter urge to live in the world and be
alive in all ways in all emotions, not just pain.

Once you do reveal all this and are
honest in attempts to be authentic, real, truthful for a deep connection, most
people eventually leave and drop like flies from your life, as they can only
take so much before moving on with their own lives (I'd high tail it away from
this too if I could, but you can't). You become a never ending saga and
people think you just need to snap out of it. Which leads you to isolating
yourself again and hiding it again, but there's no escape for you. You have to
be with it. It's something that has to be faced day in and day out
relentlessly. The divorce rate for CFS sufferers is 75%+ and suicide is one of
the top causes of death of CFS. That's why more people with this need to stop
hiding and be honest to get the validation (and research/help) they deserve, as
these toxicity chronic illnesses are highly complex.

Many bodily systems are seriously
effected; immune, endocrine, nervous, cardio, mitochondria, methylation with a
wide range of symptoms to sensory overwhelm hell (too loud, bright, tight/loose
clothing - tactile, chemicals/smells sensitivities) to fatigue that feels like
a hangover, poisoning, the flu (without the sneezing and fever), while heavy
lead fills your cells all in one go each day, to varying degrees of body-wide
chronic pain, to chronic headaches, dizziness, breathlessness just from
talking, cells on the deepest levels feel they are suffocating, to being brain
dead some days despite having an intelligent mind (major cognitive
malfunction), to emotional upheaval and turmoil (as a secondary cause, not the
main issue), and much more including digestive issues for many and eventually
trauma and PTSD due to living like this for so long with no validation or
support/help while being marginalized and not taken seriously. And no matter
what you do to try and heal, nothing helps. It's all a cage.

With such little validation from the
medical community (which fuels the lack of understanding of society), all of
the superficial/wrong tests are given which reveals all is normal. So,
they push psych meds on you and tell you it's all in your head instead of
questioning further or doing any kind of functional medical testing, but
insurance doesn't cover much of anything that is relevant or helpful along the
lines of testing. It only covers the tests which don't tell you anything.
If it shows nothing, then you can't get help and insurance doesn't have
to pay for anything; the illness is not validated, no research is funded. Any
research into this has been thwarted and suppressed with very little funding
given and scientists (who fund research out of their own pocket) who actually
start to uncover answers, careers are ruined and info censored. CFS and the
name (nor the new one of SEID) does not do any justice to describe the
seriousness of what's happening in our bodies and was intentionally called this
to downplay it and confuse it all. There is a massive cover-up for some reason.
I know vaccines are a big part in this cover-up. I haven't really told my
own story here of cause, as it's long and in another note, but vaccines were
directly involved as a big part of my health decline into CFS. I know there are
many variables for each person, as it takes many variables to get so ill, making it very complex, but without those vaccines, I wouldn't have tumbled so
far into illness.

More awareness is needed! More
awareness to bring compassion and understanding, as this is as serious as AIDS
(and CFS has been called non-HIV AIDS - because it is an acquired immune
deficiency syndrome), but also more awareness for research into these toxicity
illnesses in terms of how to heal them (this includes Lyme, CFS/ME, MCS, and
Fibromyalgia etc.) Too many are suffering so immensely, invisibly, alone, and
lives have been more or less taken. This can't go on like this. The silence has
to end.

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Welcome to Feenxrising, where the exploration of our world and all the yumminess it has to offer is celebrated daily by the sharing of observations and personal experiences.These posts are about inspiring and uplifting others through candid and honest sharing about health, wealth, love and life. They represent the continued rebirth and renewal of the human spirit. We are all about encouraging others to see the validity of their thoughts and feelings; about supporting people so they may live their truth and be who it is they in their hearts truly desire and know themselves to be. We welcome feedback and encourage conversation and self-exploration.

For years I’ve hated Mother’s Day… Even though I myself am a mother and recognize that it is a day to honor those who hold our future...

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for that I imagine is part of why you are here, is it not? You are curious and wish to know who this woman is that writes tales that could be dreams, yet seem, so very real. Old souls returning, past lives remembered and re-lived, the search for the Grail; for many these things are the things of legend. I have asked you before what is reality? I ask now that you be willing to share with us your answer. You see that is what Truth is all about, for all its interesting twists and turns, for all its mysticism and magic, the plain and simple truth is that the search for the Grail is the search for that which will unite humanity. To seek the Grail is to seek understanding of who we are, where we have come from, why we are here and most importantly, where we are going. For those who wonder why these things should matter then perhaps your time to be here has not yet arrived but for those of you who hear the call of the human spirit, in your heart, you know that to move into the future means for us to embrace first what is in our now.

We live in a diverse and complex world where belief is for each individual is personal and unique.Too long have we been fighting one another to prove our own beliefs to be true, too long have we struggled with one another in the endless quest to be right. What is right and what is wrong? Do these things not change depending on one’s perceptions, experiences, and environment? Here I offer an opportunity for all beliefs to come together and share not only their truths but their reasons for believing in those truths. A place where people can safely explore one another’s views without fear of judgement or condemnation. A place where people can come together to learn from and teach each other about their lives and their world. This site is not just about spiritual exploration, it is about the exploration of the soul of humanity through the eyes of the everyday people that when joined together make up the human race. We are one; we, though different, are all the same in that we love, we hurt, we hunger, we feel anger, fear and we often feel that we are alone. I would invite you now to understand you are not, that around the world live others who feel as you do, fear as you do and love as you do... So come, join us here, share your experiences, your insight, your wisdom and your dreams and remember as you go out into the world to further seek out your own personal truth that we are all connected, that we are all in fact one.

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About Me

Does it take a miracle to save a woman who has lost everything? Does God really step in and carry those who cannot or will not for the moment carry themselves? Are the prayers we scream to the heavens in our most desperate hour of need really answered?

The answers can be found in the remarkable journey of the woman who went from laying curled up on the bathroom floor praying for God to take her home, to the woman who now believes that faith in the Divine is just the beginning of this incredible adventure we call life.

After losing the majority of her immediate family to illness, losing her marriage to dis-ease, losing her freedom to the physical powers that be and finally her health to a broken spine and a broken heart there seemed no other option but a graceful exit… The Spirit however, did not agree with the flesh and her request for death was bluntly denied. In one final act of desperation she lay awake late one night and cried to the heavens ‘I give up – show me the way – lead me and I will, without question, follow’.

Truth is the story of a phoenix taking flight…

Niki Norlock is now ready to talk openly about the true story behind her novel Truth. In a bold, bare all tribute to those who stood behind her on her journey she is shedding light on the very real places and people in the book that was originally written as a fiction. Happily living in her dream home in the Appalachian Mountains of Quebec Canada with her husband and their family, enjoying a successful run as a co-host on the International Show Everyday Connection she is now ready to share the Truth about what it takes to not only choose to live, but to choose to love living when all you can do in the moment is lay on the floor and wish for death.

Why The Pheonix?

Feenxrising is about inspiring and uplifting others through candid and honest accounts and observations about life and love. It represents the continued rebirth and renewal of the human spirit. Life is a journey and regardless of your own personal chosen path there will be challenges to face along the way. Feenxrising is about reflecting on those challenges and finding ways to overcome them through a creative and energetic outlook on life. Through my writings I hope to prove that we are all connected and that not one of us stands above another as the basic truth to being human is really only that we all just wish to be happy and live our lives in a state of Joy. Shared experiences may help others to understand that in this world that is often times wrought with sorrow there is always a light to be found in the dark and not one of us is alone in our struggles. We need each other and as much as we desire to be respected and understood by others we must also offer back that respect. Every single person who shares our world deserves both the right to know and express their own personal truth without fear of repercussion or judgment. This blog is about encouraging others to see the validity of their thoughts and feelings and to encourage others to live their truth and be who it is they in their hearts truly desire and know themselves to be.

I am always looking for new freinds to share their Truth and would love it if you looked me up on facebook under Niki Norlock.

hope to see you there,

yours in love and light,

Feenx

Rebirth

Change is the constant, the signal for rebirth, the egg of the phoenix.
Christina Baldwin

A Gift from a friend....

Man in his worldly progression,
possessed by his worldly possessions
Knowledge of text,his brain so perplexed
taking therapy for his regression.
Creation has riddled mankind,
and since man has discovered his mind
he tries to relate and accept as his fate
the answers to life he can't find.

Sue Laver 1980

Oneness...

"The thought of oneness is the real thought, which is sure to purify the inner self and put
one on the royal road to Divine worship and lead him to the destination of self-realization.
A seeker of truth, who wishes to reach the high altitude of communion with God and break the fetters of worldly woes, should develop the intellect of equanimity and banish the habit of controversial discussions from his mind.(Mahatama Mangatram)