How Much Can We Logically Expect Donald Trump to Learn on the Job?

As we transition from stodgy old democracy to whatever it is that comes next, I plan to cling to Lily Tomlin's legendary rule for living—that no matter how cynical you are, you can never keep up.

As near as I can tell, the Trump transition process is five-alarms in Shanghai. In the last two days, we have had reports that people are throwing things at each other in Trump Tower. Mike Rogers, who nobody ever confused with Howard Zinn, is talking about a "Stalinesque purge" of Trump supporters who were loyal to Chris Christie, which comes as a shock to those of us who can't believe anyone is still loyal to Big Chicken at all, what with half his New Jersey brain trust rolling like hoops on each other.

Cabinet possibilities are being run through the gabble of a national media that really doesn't know a lot more than anyone else does. Secretary of Education? Ben Carson on Monday, Michelle Rhee on Monday night. Neither choice is less catastrophic than the other, but Carson dropped on Tuesday on the completely believable grounds that he doesn't know anything about any of the departments of the federal government. From The Daily Beast:

Ultimately, Williams said, "Dr. Carson feels he has no government experience, he's never run a federal agency. The last thing he would want to do was take a position that could cripple the presidency." The Hill reported from a "Carson ally," however, that Carson was specifically offered a job as secretary of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

Well, all right, then. Anybody else got a suggestion? Who does the cleaning guy want for HUD?

Kindly Doc Maddow pointed out on her show Monday night that, so far, the president-elect and/or his staff have not yet returned calls from the Departments of State and Defense, as well as calls from the CIA and the NSA. This must make people in those minor federal agencies a little verklempt. Stories are leaking that the president had to point out to the president-elect that the job of being president is harder than it looks. And the president-elect wants to give some of his children, the ones who will be running his blind trust, which is neither, top-security clearance because there's nothing that can possibly go wrong with that. And that was just the last two days.

Getty Images

Because I am not a member of any of his targeted groups—yet;he'll get around to scurvy bloggers eventually—I am less afraid of what might happen to me because of what the president-elect has promised than I am of the fact that the president-elect seems to know less about the job to which he was elected than do most of the inhabitants of the National Zoo. My internal organs began to liquefy on Sunday night when, under not-entirely-hostile questions from 60 Minutes' Lesley Stahl, the president-elect clearly didn't know how the Supreme Court works, nor did he know how its decisions operate on the country at large.

"They'll be pro-life, they'll be — in terms of the whole gun situation, we know the Second Amendment and everybody's talking about the Second Amendment and they're trying to dice it up and change it, they're going to be very pro-Second Amendment. But having to do with abortion if it ever were overturned, it would go back to the states. So it would go back to the states and —"

"Yeah, but then some women won't be able to get an abortion?" Stahl asked.

"No, it'll go back to the states," Trump replied.

And if some states ban it?

"Yeah, well, they'll perhaps have to go — they'll have to go to another state," Trump said.

OK, I don't agree. But it's not an unfamiliar position. But then they talked about marriage equality and I ended up pretty much being thrown from the vehicle.

"Well, I guess the issue for them is marriage equality. Do you support marriage equality?" she asked. "It — it's irrelevant because it was already settled. It's law. It was settled in the Supreme Court. I mean it's done," Trump said. "So even if you appoint a judge that — " Stahl prodded. "It's done. It — you have — these cases have gone to the Supreme Court," Trump said. "They've been settled. And, I'm fine with that."

Every president learns on the job. Even presidents who start out as vice-presidents learn on the job. There are vice presidents who have the job dropped on their heads who have to learn on the job, and they get up to speed in a couple of hours. The president-elect doesn't seem to have any clue at all what he's in for, and there doesn't seem to be anyone smart or well-versed enough in either his family or his entourage to sit him down and attach the training wheels except the guy he's replacing.

A Part of Hearst Digital Media
Esquire participates in various affiliate marketing programs, which means we may get paid commissions on editorially chosen products purchased through our links to retailer sites.