Doc Love: Open Up To Her?

This week's question comes from a reader who wonders if he should open up more to maintain his relationship.

reader’s question

Hey Doc,

I’m a long-time loyal student of yours, and a first-time writer. I’ve read your book, your articles and listened and re-listened to your radio show. I follow “The System” religiously and it works… up to a point.

she brought up marriage

I’ve been dating Caprice, a Flexible Giver, for 21 months. I stay off the phone, unless it’s to make a date, I’m a Challenge, I keep things light and funny, I even walk on the outside of the curb (and have explained to her why). Even her parents and brothers like me. After about a year and a half of dating, Caprice brought up marriage. Taking a page from your book, I told her I’d marry her if she kept being a good girl.

open up more?

However, all of it seems to have backfired on me. Caprice is now saying she doesn’t know if we’re compatible. She still says she loves me and is still touchy with me (so I don’t think it’s just Womanese). One of her specific complaints is that I don’t communicate, and that she doesn’t really know me. In your book you say not to talk too much about yourself and only tell her things that will raise her Interest Level. I shut my mouth and make sure I listen, but if she asks what I think about something and I think my answer will lower Interest Level, I don’t say anything. Should I open up more?

When I called Caprice on her sudden change in attitude, she explained that she has been thinking about us a lot. She also said she has changed a lot for me, so why can’t I change for her and open up? I pointed out all the things I did for her and that I don’t tell her everything so that I don’t overburden her with my problems. But she said she wants to know everything about me. She said that maybe I was too good for her. I told her that doesn’t make sense. Damn, they’re crafty, Doc, because I don’t even remember her response. I think she said: “I just want you to be happy.” I’ve heard that in the past, right before the door hit me on my way out.

Should this guy open up his feelings to keep his girlfriend interested?