Good people suffer the most. Reason to live fades away.

It feels like life or destiny or what higher being ever is trying to push me into the "dark side". I try to live my life peacefully, I never judge people out loud, I don't despise others, I don't laugh at their face or even behind their back. But what do I get? Those things myself.

I'm losing my hope, the reason to continue. If life is this much suffering, what is the point? I'm starting to feel like some higher being is playing with me. It throws shit after shit on my neck and wait in laughter how much I can take. You can do good things, love peace how much you ever want, but this is no fairy tale. In real life the bad wins. If I can't be a good person, maybe I'm supposed to become evil? Maybe my destiny is to spread misery into the world. Kill people, organise a genocide. Like Hitler and Stalin and friends.

Girls never look at me, they see nothing in me. I can spend my time wailing after them, but there's no sunshine coming for me. I've never talked to a girl. But evil persons do see me. It's like I'm beaming some dark energy, people always see something to make fun in me. Strangers, they see me and second after they already talk something and laugh. Their eyes are filled with joy, they enjoy hurting others, they are happy. Happy being evil.

There's something in my character or the way my energy flows that no one can love me. Their subconsciousness say: "He is stupid, idiot." They can only despise and hate me.

Why was I even born? Did I ask this kind of life? I just want to live in peace. How hard is that? I just want to be who I want to be.