Because reality is beautiful.

It’s rare that I write so little. I’m so ridiculously busy of late. Full time student and full time employment. Yesterday I was switched from 12 hour nights to 12 hour days. I was so tired when I got home I could barely eat supper. Then instead of playing with my daughter I let her watch a movie while I slept on the couch. Then I got up, put her to bed, and went to bed. I slept 11 hrs and 45 minutes. Now, it’s breakfast and I could eat a horse raw.

I’m coming out on the other side of arguing atheism with my parents. I mean, obviously, they think I’m wrong, but it’s not quite as painfull as it was before. I’ve only got 2.5 more weeks of class and then I’m done with class for a month. (I messed up signing up for the next session.) I’m thinking about friendship. Becoming an atheist and telling my friends has really been a tough row to hoe. It means talking the total honesty that I give my wife and expanding it to the rest of the people I care about. It means being really vulnerable to people.

And some friends have responded really well. Some haven’t. Some have responded so well, actaully, that I am closer to them then ever before, my brother and sisters for instance and my friend Jason. Others have responded with fear and a sort of emotional hardshell. They’re there, but they’re not.

And it makes me think about heaven. I wish I could believe that there is this perfect place that we could go to when we die. I wish over didn’t have to mean over, but honestly I think when your gone, your just gone. So am gentler to my wife, and more cuddly with my kid. I wonder though, I sat and tried to work through something with an old friend yesterday, is it worth it?

When my life on earth is a just short few years do I really want to work through stuff with people who only tolerate me, when they’re are people who really love know me and I really love knowing? And why don’t I work harder to make new friends? Why can’t have more friends like my wife, like Jason, like Alex? People who love me from who I am instead of inspite of it?