Does it??

Saturday

Mar 16, 2013 at 12:01 AMMar 16, 2013 at 3:02 PM

Does my world revolve around cancer?

My husband came home today in a terrible mood. He had been gone all week to Chicago and probably had a mess on his hands to deal with when he came back at work. He opens the door and begins yelling at everyone. I don’t think anyone did anything, I sure as hell (I was in the bath) know I…. wasn’t doing anything. But I heard the words come from his mouth that I had only heard a few times before. “Jeez Jen, not everything revolves around you and cancer.”

At this point I realize this argument has nothing to do with me, he just wants to vent and I am here to take it. Now, on a regular (non-cancer) Friday…maybe things would have been different. He walks in, dinners made…house is spotless…I don’t have cancer… and we’re all just as happy as can be.

But, sadly that’s not always the case. I can’t BE everything I use to be. I can’t DO everything I use to do. I am different…at least for now. I sure hope I go back to the “old me” after this…but we’ll see. That is if all this torture is worth it in the end. And there truly is an…END.

It would be a sad sad world if my life was run by cancer…but maybe it is. Even if for now. I know the chemo sure has run my body. Every other week attaching a vein to a pouch of poison and praying for the best. Watching every last strand of hair you have fall into your hands during a shower…. that….. that must play a role right? I know my double mastectomy has run my body. Why wear a bra when you have no breasts? But, why BUY new breasts when they just tried to kill me. That must play a role right? I know the aches and pains and sleepless nights over and over that come from this play a role. My nightstand full of prescriptions must play some role…. right?

But again I can’t let cancer run my life.

Sounds easy right? Didn’t think so.

I’m attaching a pic of me, as I sit here right now. No make up, no wig, just the “old me” + cancer.

My end on a good note.- every couple fights and we are no different. We wouldn’t fight if we didn’t love each other and have something to fight about.

Does my world revolve around cancer?

My husband came home today in a terrible mood. He had been gone all week to Chicago and probably had a mess on his hands to deal with when he came back at work. He opens the door and begins yelling at everyone. I don’t think anyone did anything, I sure as hell (I was in the bath) know I…. wasn’t doing anything. But I heard the words come from his mouth that I had only heard a few times before. “Jeez Jen, not everything revolves around you and cancer.”

At this point I realize this argument has nothing to do with me, he just wants to vent and I am here to take it. Now, on a regular (non-cancer) Friday…maybe things would have been different. He walks in, dinners made…house is spotless…I don’t have cancer… and we’re all just as happy as can be.

But, sadly that’s not always the case. I can’t BE everything I use to be. I can’t DO everything I use to do. I am different…at least for now. I sure hope I go back to the “old me” after this…but we’ll see. That is if all this torture is worth it in the end. And there truly is an…END.

It would be a sad sad world if my life was run by cancer…but maybe it is. Even if for now. I know the chemo sure has run my body. Every other week attaching a vein to a pouch of poison and praying for the best. Watching every last strand of hair you have fall into your hands during a shower…. that….. that must play a role right? I know my double mastectomy has run my body. Why wear a bra when you have no breasts? But, why BUY new breasts when they just tried to kill me. That must play a role right? I know the aches and pains and sleepless nights over and over that come from this play a role. My nightstand full of prescriptions must play some role…. right?

But again I can’t let cancer run my life.

Sounds easy right? Didn’t think so.

I’m attaching a pic of me, as I sit here right now. No make up, no wig, just the “old me” + cancer.

My end on a good note.- every couple fights and we are no different. We wouldn’t fight if we didn’t love each other and have something to fight about.