5 years ago, I picked up my first @forbes magazine. Today, I’m the newest contributor at Forbes.com. I report to millennial women about the added value of mentorship, the power of the leapfrog theory and how to be the woman world-class performers actually want to mentor.

Nothing just happens. For many of my career wins, I’ve had to either pull all-nighters, pursue contacts, raise my hand in meetings when I was scared to speak up, book many flights I couldn’t afford just to meet the biggest players in my field or fail hard to earn the opportunities I wanted. There’s so much you don’t see behind-the-scenes.

A sacrifice is a loss or something you give up, usually for the sake of a better cause.

To be the newest @Forbes Contributor is a dream fulfilled. I started my writing career 8 years ago. To say, I’ve been patient is an understatement. I’m going to break down how I turned a distant dream into a note-worthy achievement.

1.I worked for it while I waited for it.
I have an incredible amount of patience. I am willing to make short-term sacrifices in exchange for long-term success. I’m not better than anyone, my focus is just different. In my early 20s I made the decision to give up weekends. That meant saying no to bae-cations, patio season, Cabana Pool Bar (still have never been), and any other cool things that young people do. I’m 29 and still have the same standard. I do have a life, I just spend it doing things that feed my career because that’s the focus. I want a better life for my family and I won’t stop until I earn that “mom you can chill now” money. I’m insanely disciplined. I’m grinding in my 20s so I can live fly in my 30s. Here’s a quick timeline for you:

Age 21:Launched my blog

Age 22:Nationally Published Journalist (Toronto Star, Toronto Sun, National Post)

Age 28: Started my career as a ghostwriter for celebrities, pro athletes, and CEOs

Age 29: Became a Contributor on Forbes.com

When I launched my blog it was nothing fancy, but every single day I put my heart into it. Blogging was the newest “trend” and I watched peers pass me in views, recognition, and stardom. But I wasn’t in competition with anyone, I just wanted to be a better writer. For the first year, I might have totaled less than 100 views a month – It was probably only a few friends who cared. Like, Gary Vaynerchuk says 1 is greater than 0. I never questioned if I’d be successful, but I won’t even lie I spent an enormous amount of time wondering when it would actually happen. Gradually, it came in the form of small wins that I learned to appreciate because I spent so many hours shooting in the gym. *Rick Ross voice*

2.I turned strangers into friendsI used my blog as a sounding board for my ideas and dreams. Then I started interviewing other women because I wanted to hear their stories too. I used this series to strategically put me in a winning position. I reached out to powerful women I wanted to add to my network. The key is to give, over deliver and use that as a foundation to build a genuine friendship from there. One of my interviewees became a mentor and then that mentor became an employer who later connected me to an editor at Forbes …which wasn’t just handed to me btw, I had to earn my spot. Your network is extremely important, once you have a solid crew then you need to raise your hand for opportunities available.

3. I asked for what I wanted
This step is for the women who have REAL work ethic. I don’t want to leave you with the impression that you can ask for what you want anytime you want without actually putting in your 10,000 hours. Now that I have made this point clear, girl, listen to me. Closed mouths don’t get fed. If you want an opportunity, you have to ask for it. Don’t expect anyone to read your mind. After years of building a relationship with my mentor and being a dope mentee (ask her, she’d tell you), I literally picked up the phone one day and asked her “Can you please help me write for Forbes?” She said, “Ok.” and we started the process. You can listen to my podcast episode about my life-changing trip to New York. But it didn’t stop there. <— That episode is only part of my journey.

4.Get in the right rooms with the right people
Each new level will require you to stretch yourself. For many of my career wins, I’ve had to either pull all-nighters, pursue contacts, raise my hand in meetings when I was scared to speak up, book many flights I couldn’t afford just to meet the biggest players in my field or fail hard really hard to get the lesson. Because I work in the world of media, New York is where I need to be. I travel there often. Each time I go I make connections that move the needle. Powerful women I once admired are now friends and colleagues like Rhonesha Byng of Her Agenda, Alex Wolfe of Boss Babe, Hakeem Rakim, Ayana Iman, Ashley Fox and Charreah Jackson and more.

In my case, I needed to get in the room with other Forbes contributors and editors. My mentor is who helped me get into these rooms and once I did, it was up to me to turn the lights on. You see anyone can give you an opportunity, but it’s what you do with it that will determine how successful you are. If you are not prepared, you’ll drop the ball. I went to the Forbes event space on two occasions, the first time was to meet the editor – explained here, and the second time was to nurture that relationship.

5.Bring value to the conversation
Sitting in the same circles with female founders I admire is amazing. The networking opportunities are endless. But the real test was during my second trip to Forbes. At one point we started a round table discussion about some of the most talked about world issues. Of course, I was nervous. The whole time I’m thinking “what the heck am I really going to say?” “How am I going to say it?” Immediately, self-doubt creeps into my mind. Then I snapped out of it and changed the conversation (in my head). I had to remind myself…

I was invited because I am a strong, intelligent woman and I am worthy of this opportunity.

As the group conversation continued (my assistant sitting on my right, my friend on my left), whenever I had the chance I raised my hand and speak up, I did. Girl, you have to speak up, even if your voice shakes. I shared my own experiences, I piggy-backed on other perspectives and did this all while my future editor looked on. She was sitting in our circle and leading the discussion. I knew I had only one-take to make a first impression. At this point, I was not a Contributor yet so it was important to me that she knew that I stood for something; that I had an opinion and voice.

This is why it’s so important to stay current. You have to know what’s going on in the world. Girl, read a book. Listen to a podcast. Open a newspaper. There are just too many ways to learn. If I wasn’t such an inquisitive person I would have sat there on mute. And that ain’t cute. Personally, I enjoy using apps like TheSkimm, LinkedIn Pulse, Flipboard or SmartNews.

6.Know what you bring to the table
Every writer for the platform is an expert in a particular area. My area of expertise is mentorship. I’m the Co-founder of New Girl on the Block, a community mentorship platform. My experience is in leadership and millennial engagement. I report on the added value of mentorship, the power of the leapfrog theory and how to become the woman world-class performers want to mentor.

Inspirational stories, personal development techniques, and career advice — it’s way too broad. What they’re really looking for is the unique, somewhat narrow/focused topic area that your expertise makes you uniquely qualified to write about. What is it that you know better than anyone else that you can write/communicate in a unique way? There are hundreds of people who want to write about what you want to write about. Which piece of it belongs to you why?

A lot of people want promotion without the process. Had I not gone through trials, had I not had businesses that launched and failed, had I not stretched myself, I would not be where I am today. Enjoy the process. It is shaping the next phase of your life. Rarely do people stick to anything long enough to master it. This is a marathon, not a sprint. I worked patiently and happily for 8 years which served as my down payment for my new position as a contributor.

8 years.

It’s impossible to discourage real writers. Writing is not an easy profession. It’s hard. It’s demanding. It’s emotionally draining and at times, will drive you crazy. But we do it because it is our passion. It is our oxygen. If I don’t practice my craft daily, I literally cannot breathe. Writers, write. They don’t dream about writing. They don’t talk about writing. They spend each minute of the day actually doing it.

Peace & Love, PRxo

]]>http://pauleannareid.com/arts/how-i-became-a-contributor-on-forbes-com/feed0GIRL ON TOP: City Style Britt Shares Why Fashion is Her First Love and Why It’s Important to Enjoy Lifehttp://pauleannareid.com/arts/girl-on-top-city-style-britt-shares-why-fashion-is-her-first-love-and-why-its-important-to-enjoy-life
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Her style, cute smile and upbeat personality is what caught my attention on IG. I love following Brit’s adventures and learning details about her style. In this interview she gives us the deets on how she grew up, why fashion is her first love and why it’s important to enjoy life. Here’s her story.

How old are you? 20s/30s/40s?20s

What is your zodiac sign?Gemini

What is your educational background?Bachelor of Science in Business Marketing from Millersville University and Master of Science in Global Fashion Enterprise from Philadelphia University

Where were you born? Raised? Live now?Born + Raised in Philly, I live in West New York

Single or Taken?Single

First job ever?I was 15 working at a travel agency as an assistant for the summer, mainly doing data entry

First “real” job?I worked numerous retail jobs as a teenager both in high school and undergrad, but I think it became more “real” when I started working at Victoria’s Secret at 19 and worked my way up during my time there to a Beauty Supervisor. I learned so much from my time working there from being analytical, managing others, as well as being super-creative in a way to drive sales. This role definitely inspired me to work in corporate retail.

Your 5 “must haves” of the moment?

* Anastasia Liquid Lipstick called “trust issues” it’s like my everyday go to color-it’s a matte neutral with a deep pink undertone and I love it.

* My phone!

* My goals/to-do notebook

* Hand Sanitizer

* Iced Carmel Macchiato or Vanilla Latte

How would you describe your personal style?I love my style because it ranges from classic, glam, and boho. Classic seems to be my everyday look especially at work–I’m always in classic jeans usually distressed denim + a leather jacket…these are my go to’s. My glam side comes out often on weekends & occasions-give me a fur, lipstick + shiny things. When I travel my outfits always seem to have this boho edge to them especially if the destination is tropical. I’m inspired by trends at times, but will usually add my own vibe to them. Zara is my go store for staying on trend since it’s fast fashion- which means their clothing is designed & manufactured quickly and inexpensively based on current trends or after designers show their collections during fashion week to allow consumers to purchase at a lower price. Overall, my personal style means everything to me- it’s my art, it’s healing, and an expression of how I feel in the moment.

What is your favourite book?“The Woman I Wanted to be” by DVF & “The Power of Love” by Rhonda Byrne

What are you currently listening to?Ellie Goulding, Solange, the Devil Wears Prada Soundtrack in the midst of working + for fashion inspiration, gospel –my favourite gospel song is “Our God” by Micah Stampley! And just recently I’ve been listing to Nao’s album “For All We Know” and it’s giving me mellow vibes, I like it.

So what do you do?I am the founder of CityStyleBritt.com a Life & Style Blog that I recently launched December 23, 2016- focused on my personal style, beauty skincare/makeup must haves, citylife adventures, and my faith in the power of love. This platform was created to inspire women, provide tips, uplift, and connect my audience to great brands, places to go, self-love, and to simply enjoy life. Full time I work in corporate as a Distribution Analyst in Planning for an iconic fashion brand. I also work for a major bourbon brand doing promotional marketing for many events in the greater NJ/NYC area.

Take us along the path (personal & professional) that took you where you are today.It all started when I was in the 3rd grade and my mom allowed me to choose my own outfit-I can remember this day so vividly wearing blue velvet leggings, a blue button up top, and black patent leather black boots. I felt so confident this day and that’s when I fell in love with styling myself and putting looks together. As I got older I started working in retail and wanted to start modeling, so I entered myself into a modeling contest for shop rite, and the winner of the contest would get to hang out with Eva Pigford from America’s Next Top Model season 3, receive gifts, and appear in the local newspaper, I won!

After high school I attended Millersville University for business marketing, initially I wanted to immediately come to school in New York after high school, but my parents recommended me getting a degree in business over fashion since they believed business was more broad and I’d have better chances of getting a job after graduating—so at the time I listened to their advice. While in school I interned for Susquehanna Style Magazine a home décor magazine where I was able to create my own position writing/blogging about fashion, in addition to picking clothes for photo shoots. Finding an internship related to fashion in that specific area where my college was located was non-existent, but I did my research and this magazine made my dreams come true when they allowed me to be myself by writing about fashion. While there I was also asked to model.

After graduating Millersville I started working full time in PA while commuting to New York working with Fiji Water & showrooms since they were sponsors at the time for fashion week- this made it possible for me to attend every show. Later that year I signed Wilhelmina of PA for print modeling.

For me there was still a need to learn more about the business side of the fashion industry, especially since initially this is what I always wanted after high school. So I applied to graduate school for Global Fashion Enterprise at Philadelphia University. This was one of the best investments I made for myself especially since it opened up an opportunity for me to study abroad in Shanghai, Hong Kong, and Shenzhen. While in these countries I went to visit factories where companies like Nike, Victoria’s Secret + more manufacture their product, as well as meetings with fashion executives and entrepreneurs. Once I graduated from PhilaU, I moved to West New York–a year and 4 months ago to continue making my dreams happen.

What’s the toughest thing you’ve been faced with thus far?Letting go of a recent heartbreak and finding the strength to keep it pushing.

What did your parents want you to be?They would provide their advice or opinions through my journey, but were always so supportive in whatever decisions I made!

What’s the best piece of advice you were ever given?“Enjoy Life”- simple and to the point words from my dad. These words truly made me appreciate the right now moments that we’ve been blessed with. I learned that as you are working towards all that you want to see in your life–you should be enjoying the journey as you go, because the journey is all about growth & that’s the most beautiful part!

What advice do you have for women who want to follow in your footsteps?While in school take on as many internships opportunities in the fashion industry as you can because once you graduate people really want to see your work experience. Keep building up your resume, skills and soak up as much information as you can. Believe in yourself and surround yourself with people that get it, find a mentor too!

Is it possible for a woman to successfully balance both love and career?I believe as women we are great at multitasking, so this is definitely possible especially if he’s all about that love & grind balance too!

What’s next for you?Next up, working with new brands for my blog, stay tuned.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years… 10 years?Traveling the world, growing my brand and creating job opportunities under my brand, CityStyleBritt.

And last but not least, where can readers find you? Facebook, Twitter, Website, etc.

]]>http://pauleannareid.com/arts/girl-on-top-city-style-britt-shares-why-fashion-is-her-first-love-and-why-its-important-to-enjoy-life/feed0You Don’t Have to Have it All Figured Out By 30http://pauleannareid.com/arts/you-dont-have-to-have-it-all-figured-out-by-30
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I used to have a timeline for everything, all things.

When I was in my teens, 21 was the age I set to figure it all out. Then when I hit 21 and realized that life wasn’t yet “perfect” I gave myself more time and set a new age of 25 to have it all together.

Girl, I’ll be 30 in November and shit still ain’t in order.

On social media, most would say my career is #goals and I try to be as transparent as possible so that you can see a full view of who I am. But a lot goes on behind the scenes. I need you to know that nothing just happens. For many of my career wins, I’ve had to either pull all-nighters, pursue contacts, raise my hand in meetings when I was scared to speak up, book many flights I couldn’t afford just to meet the biggest players in my field or fail hard to earn the opportunities I wanted. With that being said, putting my career first means that adulting and self-care have taken a back seat. For those of you who make it all look so damn easy, kudos to you. You can probably teach me some things. But in true transparency, half the stress that used to consume me was brought on by caring too much about what other people think of me because I didn’t have half of my check list done. My career is amazing and I do extremely well, but I still get judged because I don’t how to do certain things at my age. I’ve had to tell myself over and over, that this is my journey and mine alone. My priorities are much different than other people and that’s okay.

Offline, in my kitchen, while chatting with mom and dad we often discuss my present and future. We have so many loving, transparent conversations about the direction of my life, what goals I’d like to attain and how to continue to bloom as a young woman. Here are 7 things I have yet to accomplish but am actively working on.

1.Good credit
I aired out all my dirty laundry in my income report last year and was honest about my credit status. It’s super average and something I’m working hard towards improving. The thing is, this takes time and I’m trying to exercise patience.

2.Taking care of my health
By far the biggest struggle of my life. I’m not even 30 and I’ve been admitted to the hospital twice for chest pain caused by stress and poor diet. Still, I didn’t learn my lesson. But I recently picked up the phone and called one of my old trainers. She is so patient and kind. We have had great jokes together. When I told her that I was finally ready to curve my eating and get my body moving, she welcomed me back with open arms. We’ve been training for 3 weeks and even though it’s so hard, I am doing it and I’m proud of myself.

3. Savings for retirement
Ah, the life of a business owner. While I am saving money, I definitely don’t have as much as I had anticipated at this age. An emergency fund and a retirement fund are two different money pools and I’ve been working overtime to make sure both are at a comfortable number. I also have a team of advisors; my accountant and my financial advisor.

4.How to cook for myself
I won’t make excuses. I just never took the time to learn. I use delivery services, I’m always in a meeting and I travel a lot. My lifestyle doesn’t exactly fit Sunday meal prep or maybe I don’t make it a priority. But it is something I’d like to master as I start thinking about having a family in a few years. I watch my mom throw down and entertain so gracefully and think to myself, do I have it in me? I guess we’ll see.

5.Organization
I’m a bit scattered in my thoughts. I live in organized chaos which really works for me but I would love to be a bit more organized with my living space, work space, ideas and daily routines.

6.Making time for family
Last weekend I did nothing but schedule coffees, and meal-dates with family members that mean the world to me but I have not seen in a long time. It felt really good to disconnect from social media and all distractions and engage in meaningful conversation.

7.Positive body image
I’m always talking about the relationship I have with myself and my struggle with loving what I see when I look into the mirror. Self-love, self-confidence, and self-esteem are high on my list of priorities. It’s the foundation to everything. I saw the best affirmation this morning which said “Black, and woman, and worthy.” I know the conversations I have with myself will determine whether I win or lose.

Just like my dating lists, I’m also throwing a few rules out the window. It’s too much pressure and I simply cannot deal. I’m working with urgency but at a pace that works well for me. I’m also learning to stay in my lane and shut out the noise. I hope my transparency has helped you to realize that we are all trying to navigate life the best way we know how. No one has all the answers.

Whenever I am stuck in the grey about a major (or tiny) decision, I have one rule that I follow almost every single time. Feel the fear and do it anyway. Through trial and error, I’ve learned how important it is to listen to your body. Sometimes it’s your heart and you’ll know because it’s beating so fast that you can barely breathe or perhaps you begin to break into a cold sweat. Other times it may be your gut feeling and intuition stirring you in a direction that makes no immediate sense to you and then there’s your stomach which houses all your butterflies and creates a nervous feeling every time you do something that is outside your normal.

These are not stop signs girlfriend, they are guidelines. I used to think whenever I felt extremely uncomfortable it was an alert; that my body was setting off the alarms and throwing up red flags (and sometimes this is the case, but not as often as we think). I quickly discovered that the more I ran away from the issue or circumstance the further away I was from actually resolving it. So I started taking baby steps towards making discomfort my new normal. Personal growth is hard. It always feels uncomfortable at first, but soon you’ll learn that the more you invest in yourself the more control you have over your life – and I wanted control.

If you are feeling stuck but don’t do anything about it, the outcome (or lack there off) is 100% your fault. To get rid of this feeling and experience results you’ve never had you’re going to have to do some things you’ve never done before. And trust me, I’ve had my fair share of uncomfortable moments like…

Dropping out school during my second year in college

Reaching out to mentors, sponsors

Sharing my story on stage in front of a 1000+ High School students

Starting my first blog in 2009

Publishing a book

Trying to re-build the relationship with my mother

The first time I joined a self-help group for my anxiety

The first time I stood up to my bullies/naysayers

…and the list goes on. But I would’ve never been able to gain the courage to do any of those things had I not put this mindset into practice and by practice I mean, try new things on a small scale first.

Sign up for a new class

Go to the movies alone

Have coffee with an old friend

Smile at a stranger

Strike up a conversation with someone in line behind you

Start small. Think big. It’s a very simple concept that actually works and oddly enough this self-discovery journey is quite fun too. It all begins with you. In order to trust your heart, your gut, those butterflies in your tummy, it’s important to get to know yourself first because then you will better gage whether it is a green light or a red flag. Just like any other relationship, it takes time to develop.

Now when my body tells me something, I have a bit more optimism because I know on the surface what I’m about to do or say may appear frightening, but once I push past the initial fear the opportunity hiding around the corner could possibly be life changing. You’ll never feel 100% ready. Ever. But I encourage you to do it for the love of the possibilities because if there was ever a moment to follow your passion, that moment is now.

My thoughts: Listen, this book has been following me everywhere. I first discovered it on The Lit Squad Instagram and then weeks later I have three people go out of their way to call me and tell me that I needed to grab it. So here it is. I even picked up a notebook to match. I’m all in and I cannot wait to uncover the lessons that so many people have already been bragging about. Lots of books fill my library but right now this is number one on my list.

Favourite Quote:

“Like all my friends I wanted to be successful. Unlike my friends I didn’t know what that meant. Money? Maybe. Wife? Kids? House? Sure, if I was lucky. These were the goals I was taught to aspire to, and part of me did aspire to them, instinctively. But deep down I was searching for something else, something more. I had an aching sense that our time is short, shorter than we ever know, short as a morning run, and I wanted mine to be meaningful. and purposeful. And creative. And important. Above all… different. I wanted to leave a mark on the world. I wanted to win.”

In this candid and riveting memoir, for the first time ever, Nike founder and board chairman Phil Knight shares the inside story of the company’s early days as an intrepid start-up and its evolution into one of the world’s most iconic, game-changing, and profitable brands.

Young, searching, fresh out of business school, Phil Knight borrowed fifty dollars from his father and launched a company with one simple mission: import high-quality, low-cost running shoes from Japan. Selling the shoes from the trunk of his Plymouth Valiant, Knight grossed eight thousand dollars that first year, 1963. Today, Nike’s annual sales top $30 billion. In this age of start-ups, Knight’s Nike is the gold standard, and its swoosh is more than a logo. A symbol of grace and greatness, it’s one of the few icons instantly recognized in every corner of the world.

But Knight, the man behind the swoosh, has always been a mystery. Now, in a memoir that’s surprising, humble, unfiltered, funny, and beautifully crafted, he tells his story at last. It all begins with a classic crossroads moment. Twenty-four years old, backpacking through Asia and Europe and Africa, wrestling with life’s Great Questions, Knight decides the unconventional path is the only one for him. Rather than work for a big corporation, he will create something all his own, something new, dynamic, different. Knight details the many terrifying risks he encountered along the way, the crushing setbacks, the ruthless competitors, the countless doubters and haters and hostile bankers—as well as his many thrilling triumphs and narrow escapes. Above all, he recalls the foundational relationships that formed the heart and soul of Nike, with his former track coach, the irascible and charismatic Bill Bowerman, and with his first employees, a ragtag group of misfits and savants who quickly became a band of swoosh-crazed brothers.

Together, harnessing the electrifying power of a bold vision and a shared belief in the redemptive, transformative power of sports, they created a brand, and a culture, that changed everything.

]]>http://pauleannareid.com/arts/books-shoe-dog-by-phil-knight/feed0You Glow, Girl: Karen Civilhttp://pauleannareid.com/arts/you-glow-girl-karen-civil
http://pauleannareid.com/arts/you-glow-girl-karen-civil#commentsThu, 13 Jul 2017 15:11:25 +0000http://pauleannareid.com/?p=18033“When I was in eighth grade, I created a Backstreet Boys fan site. I came in third place in a fan site contest and got to meet them. In high school, I created a fan group for J.D. Williams who played Bodie on The Wire. I had the chance to meet him and he took me to have lunch at iHop. At that point in my life I noticed this Internet thing was giving me the chance to check-off goals off of my bucket list. Once I started working for DipSet, I realized you could monetize off of this platform if you understand how to engage your audience.” – Essence

“Every day you go through challenges so it’s hard to name one thing. Every day you have to make sure someone does something on time, etc. At the end of the day I’m still an African-American woman in a male-dominated industry so sometimes you have to deal with people not taking your ideas seriously. But I look at it as, I’d rather have adversities in something that I love than doing something that I hate or where I am not interested.” – NBC News

“At first, social media was just about networking. But now that I have to network, I make sure that every platform makes money for me. You can do something on Facebook. You can do something on Twitter. You can do something on Instagram. You can create a piece of content and do product placement on YouTube. So, I like the fact that there are so many different options, especially for social media. In 2015, those platforms made over a half of a million dollars for me. This includes the website and the advertising through Instagram, Twitter and Facebook. And then, you have YouTube. It’s great because you can make money off of it as long as you’re doing it correctly and you market yourself. You can make money on all of your platforms in different ways and you have got to make sure you utilize all of that.” – Rolling Out

“Beats by Dre approached me. They said they liked the way I branded myself online and wanted me to help them with their digital marketing and finding their online voice. When I was brought on, Beats by Dre was at 300,000 Facebook FB -0.27% followers. By the time I left, they had almost 6.5 million. One month, we saw Facebook followers jump by 1 million when Lil Wayne wore his Beats headphones to the Grammy’s and listened to his album the whole time.” – Forbes

“i’ve had a lot of success in the past year. and some folks made me feel like it was an accident. the imposter syndrome kicks in. but that’s not true at all…i have a lot of books in me. and they’re going to come out because i said so…” – Flare Magazine

my heart woke me crying last night
how can i help i begged
my heart said
write the book

“People say things meant to rip you in half, but you hold the power to not turn their words into a knife and cut yourself.”

” ‘milk and honey’ is a collection of poetry and prose about survival. It is about the experience of violence, abuse, love, loss, and femininity. Split into four chapters, each chapter serves a different purpose. Deals with a different pain. Heals a different heartache. ‘milk and honey’ takes readers through a journey of the most bitter moments in life and finds sweetness in them because there is sweetness everywhere if you are just willing to look.” via Instagram

i want to apologize to all the women I’ve called pretty before I’ve called them intelligent or brave. i’m sorry I made it sound as though something as simple as what you’re born with is the most you have to be proud of. when your spirit has crushed mountains. from now on I will say things like, you are resilient, or you are extraordinary. not because I don’t think you’re pretty. but because you are so much more than that.

“how did i lay here soaking in the idea that no one else would love me that way. when it was i that taught you. when it was i that showed you how to fill. the way i needed to be filled. how cruel i was to myself. giving you credit for my warmth simply because you felt it. thinking it was you who gave me strength. beauty. wit. simply because you recognized it. as if i was already not these things before i met you. as if i did not remain all these things once you left.” – excerpt from page 138 rupikaur.com/milkandhoney

Years ago I made a list of qualities I wanted in a partner. He had to be intelligent, family oriented and sit with me during reruns of Seinfeld (whether he liked it or not). The list that started as a few short things quickly evolved into pages of what I believed was a perfectly curated man who I could envision myself marrying.

Girl,pages, and pages…

Ultimately, it did more harm than good because I was driving myself crazy and judging every guy I’d meet based on this criteria. If he was 5’9, nope, he had to be 6’1. If he had kids, nope, I wanted to be the first and only. If he was still trying to find his purpose, nope, he should’ve had a life plan already. I would literally come to my own conclusion about him before the first date ended.

Standards are one thing, but becoming obsessively crazy about a piece of paper is a whole ‘nother story. I came to my senses when one by one, my exes started getting married. It was evident that we had the same goal, but took very different paths. As photographs and announcements filled my timelines with the precious milestones of Joel, Derek and Jason’s lives – young men I once dated – I was forced to reflect on some of the decisions I’ve made. In fact, I could count all the good guys I previously declined, the calls I didn’t respond to, and the selfishness I illustrated because I was so committed to this damn list. I created it with the intention of finding my partner, when it was actually doing the opposite by turning them off.

While I do believe in moving with intention, in the same breath I also believe that some things cannot be planned. I recently burned my list and started dating with a new approach. It’s called ‘stop being crazy and start being open’

Open to new people, environments, and experiencesOpen to men who may not fit ‘my type’Open to big laughs and having fun

Girlfriend, it’s made a world of difference. Yes, I would like to get married someday. Yes, I would like to have a family. But I want it all to happen when it’s suppose to, not because I forced it to. At this point in my life, I really would love to establish beautiful friendships, learn how to be more spontaneous and redirect my focus. Because in the process of learning about others (without rules, plans or lists), I’m learning so much about myself. I’m super happy to report that my dating life is no longer a complete bust. It’s actually turning into an interesting journey. I recently met someone I really like and I’m enjoying navigating this friendship with hopes that it will evolve, but if it doesn’t that’s okay too.

Peace & Love,PRxo

]]>http://pauleannareid.com/arts/dating-for-fun-why-i-have-thrown-out-my-lists-master-plans/feed0Avoid A Broke Mentality: Why It’s Important To Have a Healthy Relationship with Moneyhttp://pauleannareid.com/arts/avoid-a-broke-mentality-why-its-important-to-have-a-healthy-relationship-with-money
http://pauleannareid.com/arts/avoid-a-broke-mentality-why-its-important-to-have-a-healthy-relationship-with-money#commentsTue, 27 Jun 2017 03:27:58 +0000http://pauleannareid.com/?p=18279

The new cheques I ordered came in the mail today. I smiled when I opened the package because I knew it meant I could start writing more of them to my financial advisor so we can level up my savings account. I’m turning 30 in November, ain’t no times for games. I’m putting all efforts to be intentional. I’ve already aired out my dirty laundry in my income report and also taught you my money making strategies in my article called how I made 40k from my side hustle in 1 year. I love speaking on this topic because I want people to grow comfortable and confront the elephant in the room.

Time and time again, I’ve used myself as an example to show people that you don’t have to hide behind social media and pretend that you are a big baller. It’s okay to admit you have average credit. It’s okay to admit your savings account isn’t where it needs to be. Raising your hand means you are keeping it all-the-way-real with yourself and are willing to ask for help. btw when I say admit, I don’t mean via social like I have. This can mean having a simple discussion within your peer group or with a trusted adult or finance professional.

I love talking and reading about money (Or how Cardi B would say it Schmoney!) because it also helps me build a healthy relationship with it. If you never understand money, you will always be a slave to it and if you never learn to manage it, making more will not help either. Some of my fave money books are listed below:

Some of my fave money books are listed below:

May Cause Miracles by Gabrielle Bernstein

Money: A Love Story by Kate Northrup

Get Rich Lucky Bitch by Denise Duffield-Thomas

The Law of Divine Compensation by Marianne Williamson

My admiration for money doesn’t come from a place of greed but rather a place of empowerment and freedom because I love the idea of what you can do with it and how it can create opportunities for the community and my family.

I’m not perfect, nor is my bank account but I do what I can to maintain a money positive mindset. Here are some simple strategies you can use too!

1.Don’t compare yourself (or earnings) to others
Bruh, do not watch social media and think to yourself “I want that too” because it is likely that the person you admire doesn’t own it or live it in real life. Your lane is yours and yours alone. Treat your finances as an individual case because you don’t know what goes on behind (anyone else’s) closed doors.

2. Set a goal, no matter the size
During my early 20s when I was barely bringing in any money, I saved as little as 20 dollars monthly. To you it sounds like nothing, but to me it was everything. The goal was to buy a property down the road (at 20/monthly yeah right!) and I was going to do it at my own pace with what I could afford at the time. When I could raise the bar, I did and started saving 50 dollars a month then 100 and then once I hit a comfortable salary, I started saving 500 dollars a month. The lesson here is to work with what you got and be grateful.

3.Money Mantras
Just like I use affirmations and vision boards to help me get clear on life goals. I often recite money mantras to attract what I need.

A friend recently asked me, “Girl, don’t you ever worry about money?” and I said, “Uh, nope. That would mean I think in lack. I don’t. I try to think in abundance as often as I can.” I also mentioned to her that she should run, far away, from having a broke mentality. Instead of saying “I am broke” (omg I totally hate that b-word) she should try saying “I am temporarily out of funds.”

A little change in how you speak to yourself makes a huge difference.

4.Spend time with world-class performers
Steve Harvey once said, “If you have 5 broke friends, you will likely be the 6th.” I really do think that is the truth. You can’t ask advice from someone who has never been where you want to be. On the regular, I hang out with people who earn 4x what I do. Like omg please teach me what you know, give me your wisdom, breaaaathe on me. lmao. That reminds me of my aunt in NY when she took me to wall street – well our subway line made a brief stop as we were passing through town and when the doors opened she said, girl breathe all of that shit in. Do you smell that? It’s moneeeeeeeeey. She is too cute.

Not from all things, but some. Blogging is one of them. I’ve been a blogger since 2009 and I’ve been going non stop ever since – there have been pauses in momentum but never an extended time away like as of late. I think it’s healthy to hit the reset button, any time you need to and as many times as you need to. Don’t succumb to the pressure of trying to keep up with your peers because it’s not a race.

I’ve burnt out too many times and have learned that lesson over and over.

I also haven’t been feeling inspired to write anything on the blog. You might have noticed I’ve been repurposing old content and playing it off as if it were brand new. Whatevs. Writing and “working” in general is a big part of my life. I work crazy long CRAZY LONG hours and I give so much of myself to my clients and staff. So it didn’t leave much time to actually have a life.

My fault. I know.

So recently, I have been trying to catch up on a lot of things I love. Like watching cool documentaries like The Millennial Dream, Miss Representation, Women Who Make America and anything by Michael Moore, whom I first fell in love with in Grade 7 when Ms. Hollingsworth introduced his work to me. I’m also back to traveling and networking cross-boarder which you know I obsessed with. On Wednesday I’m off to New York and then Philadelphia. Yes, it’s a business trip – I’m the Editorial Manager for BYOB Society and need to be there for an event, but I promise I will also be catching up on some much-needed rest too.

I’m also a lover of family. With my brother moving to Vancouver with his own little family, my sister and I only have each other. I’m taking her and my assistant with me for some time to bond.

Girl, I’ve also been laying in bed and doing some creative thinking (my fave). Ah I’ve also have been reading more. Well, making an attempt to. I miss the days I used to devour a novel in less than a week. Now I’m lucky if I finish it in less than a year. My point is, life is as hectic as we make it. I have obviously done a good job filling mine with work and it’s forever a struggle to integrate new life experiences – I don’t believe in balance, everything is blended. So with all that being said. I’ve been MIA and don’t feel bad about it because I have been to get my life together. Now that I am finally inspired again, I’ll be taking you along with me.