14 January 2010

update

Thanks for understanding the need I have to follow my heart on this one, and while it is almost exciting (I am almost excited!), I also am checking out clinics and programs for DE and trying to figure out financing options. I found a place with a plethora of redheaded donors (Oregon?? No kidding!)-- For those in similar shoes, Sprogblogger's wondrous waffling worksheet that she has posted in a tab on her site is a fabulous thing-- You'll eventually come across the same info, but it is like getting a big-ole head start.

I want to cycle locally if I can for DE, use a clinic that has in-house donors rather than using a donor agency-- but I am not so sure that this combination will be possible. I am exploring shared risk programs, and wondering about shared egg programs... but... at this time, gathering gathering. I will try to make the choice that feels best to my heart and has the least uncertainty regarding costs since I need to know and plan, since that part freaks me out totally. So while I would like to be local for logistical reasons, if I need to travel to feel the most comfortable, I sure as heck will.

Meds arrive today from Ascend which have somehow improved since my last go-around with them. And my insurance paid for so much you would not believe so I am really lucky. Just under $200 for all of it.

This new protocol includes Mestinon starting sunday along with Lupron--, I'll be stimming with 150 menpur each morning and 450 follistim each evening... and this time I will take Medrol around the time of transfer (please please let there be many good things to transfer). This clinic does 3 day transfers for folks my age. Since I have gotten used to the sprint that is the antagonist protocol, it will be odd to know I could stim for much longer and I have to just breathe and know that unlike my familiar protocol, this one might actually work.

Worries? sure, oh yeah, yes. My only lupron cycle had NO EGGS at retrieval so I am a little (a lot) worried (neurotic) about that. But, overall, with these changes and attention to the details of my actual situation and history, I am curious about what will happen and, yeah, kind of excited in a very nervous sort of way.

Yeah, so, while there is a bit of worry, there is also a bit of excited. It has been a long time since I felt such a big clear Yes.

It could go without saying, I know, but I am keeping Haiti in my heart right now, and donated what I could yesterday via Yele Haiti. Sure makes a lot of my shite look like buttercups.

16 comments:

Thinking all sorts of good thoughts for you for this cycle, and also for your donor egg explorations. I'm so glad you're working with a clinic that's supportive of doing one more cycle with your eggs, just so you can know that you've explored that avenue to it's fullest extent.

Hi there lovely Miss Kate. Remember the antagonist protocol didn't work for me either, so "meh" on that one. It was the micro dose lupron that was the ticket for me. As for the cycle where they didn't retrieve any eggs, did they test your blood the previous day to make sure the HCG shot worked and was in your system? I was always curious about that. If for some reason you find lots of red-headed DE options in Seattle area, you have a place to stay here with your own room, bed, fluffy pillows and bath.

So glad to hear you sounding hopeful and excited, even if it's with a healthy dose of hard-earned realism. Thinking of you tons, and hoping the new clinic and protocol will be just the ticket and your DE backup plan won't be needed. I'm all for day 3 transfers... :)

Yay for insurance covering nearly all of the meds. That's quite the awesome deal!What does the mestinon do in your protocol? I've only ever heard of it being used for myasthenia gravis treatment, and didn't come across it in my infertility treatment readings at all. Now you've got me curious!Hope the new protocol gets you your sticky baby! And that you have a lovely hike. I always like hearing all about it afterwards.

About this blog

I started this blog during struggles with infertility--struggles that resulted in countless IUIs, medications, procedures, 5 attempted IVF cycles, 2 pregnancies, one heartbreaking loss, and one miracle baby.

Parenthood left me feeling like I was not sure what to do here, with this amazing community. To talk about parenting felt boastful for those still and forever struggling. To not talk about it felt disingenuous. So here I am. I want to talk about my real life. Parenting. Midlife reassessment. Flailing. Finding myself. Mucking about.

So yes, I am a midlife parent of an amazing child.Yes, I battled infertility and will be forever changed by every single moment of that journey.I am imperfect and life is messy, but it is also so beautiful.

Among many other things, I hope to reconnect to myself through writing here. And I hope to connect with you too. Others out there, parenting maybe later in life. Maybe after struggling. Maybe struggling still. We can all use a safe place and a lot of compassion. That's what I am offering to you. I hope you'll stick around.

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inside out

"The key is, starting from the inside out. Often you say, “I don’t know what to do.” True, you don’t know what to do. There are infinite possibilities. And a bunch of them haven’t worked for you. A lot of them have been tried, and they haven’t worked under what you think are the same conditions. And so, you sort of pace around, you don’t know what to do. Sometimes you don’t even know what you want to have. But you always, you always, if you will stop and think about it, you ALWAYS know how you want to feel."