13 October 2010

Black and White Wednesday - Pieces lost

I can not take credit for this capture for I do not know who held the camera in their hands and pushed the button to bring light to the film and forever capture this moment. Maybe it was another nanny or an orphanage worker? Maybe it was this woman's husband? Or could it have been a friend? I will never know but I am SO grateful to whom ever took these pictures for us. This picture is framed in my home today and is looked at by me at least 10 times a day and there is never a second when I don't smile and feel forever grateful and beyond blessed.

There are days too when I pick up this framed shot and stare at the details surrounding my daughters face. I search her eyes for a reflection. I look for clues in the trash along the road. I search the windows behind her for a face or a flash of movement. I examine each thread on her tiny body as well as the details of her nanny. I look at the signs on the brick wall and try to decipher what they say. I stare and stare at that picture.

Those are the days when I miss what this beautiful woman in the picture got for the first nine months of my daughters life. Those moments seem lost to me because I can not verbally share those firsts with my daughter and while it saddens me for a minute, I am reminded that those moments are not completely lost to us. They are not lost because we have a handful of photos that share the intense love that this woman had for my sweet girl.

In each and every shot our mystery photographer took, she captured a woman who is filled with the same awe that I am overcome with, that same love and admiration for this child. For that is definitely shared by us. Once I place the frame back in it's space I always say a little prayer for a woman whom I hope to meet someday and I pray that she has peace knowing that this child is so very loved by me.

Be sure to head over to Lisa's blog and pass on well wishes to her as she is days from embarking on her journey of love to bring home her daughter! Bon Voyage Lisa! You and Reagan are in our prayers!

Oh, this is such a beautiful post. The photo is just priceless! We don't have any photos other than the referral photos for our oldest daughter. Our youngest however came with a lifebook in her bag and she loves to look at herself as a baby and there are lots of photos of the staff in there too.

I am so glad that you both have these photos. Sadly, we only have referral photos of Sophia.Your words went straight into my mother's heart. I so understand these feelings. I feel such a loss at not being there for the first years of Sophia's life.

Simple but oh so full of details and life. She was loved before you, it is so obvious buy the look on that beautiful woman. So precious. I have one of those pictures too, my girl is now 6, and it brings on so intense, cool, loving and important conversations. Cherish that picture! I am so glad for you and your girl....

p.s. My girl brought her picture at school. She had a small presentation to do on her life, to introduce themselves to her class. The teacher told me, when she saw me the next day, it was an emotional moment for her the teacher! My girl went up front her class (after about ten kids had gone before her) presented their baby pictures and family. She started relating her history, calmly, showing pictures of her country, her orphanage, her best friend at the orphanage (who we stll see, she lives 1.5 hours drive away), her nanny and this special picture we have, a bit like yours, gotcha day, and pictures of her and us in China, and picture of us now. She had a story, history, pictures and was so proud. We are lucky. We have pictures. I am so happy for you,

Oh, do I know what you mean by this post...I too look for the pieces of the mystery of my Lauren's first two years in our referral pic's..people she shared her life with, kids she played with, etc. I was just thinking the other night, to know what God knows of our daughter's every moment since birth...

I'm also tearing up reading this... such a way you've put in to words what most would be unable to. This picture shows me a woman who adored your Cricket and who ensured that the darling daughter you dreamed of was protected until her Mommy could come for her. Such a precious thing to have and to be able to share.