Hospital-again

Well they kept me in. Thought it would just be a case of try these antibiotics but no. They wouldn't let me leave the ward. They asked if i wanted to self harm or had thoughts on suicide i said all the time but no plans etc. So that made them a bit scared. Took 5hours from being brought on to ward to be able to go for a cig. So now have to be referred to psych people again. Ball ache. Just hope it's nurseman who comes to assess as really can't be bothered. Have found though junior doctors are so easy to manipulate for drugs. Lol. I really don't wanna be here. I know it's my own fault as of the infection in my legs are throug self harm. Just really pissed off at my self.

hey GP, lol love your abbreviation. i hope things look better for you soon, have you tried alternatives for self-harm, i hope its not too personal but some people i know instead of self-harm they start to well they turn to chocolate or well other indulgances (it start with an m and ends on asturbation) i hope the infection clears with the antibiotics, its a good beginning, one step at a time

I've tried most things. Nothing comes close to the release i get from self harm. Had a bloody awful night. It's like i'm on an old peoples ward. Surrounded by moaning in the night etc. And so i didn't get much sleep. Don't think i've seen this time in the morning in such a long time. I don't usually wake up anxious or like this. Its horrible. Think i may be asking for prn. Grrr!

Didn't get anything. The nurse wouldn't. Been told now i don't need to see anyone from psych. I had prepared myself for it also. I feel as though i need to talk with someone as of the thoughts and what i want to do. But then i don't want to talk to someone from crisis team. What can i say? I over heard them say that someone from psych is coming on to ward for a different patient. It's really hard being here.

Don't know. I doubt it. He is from psych and it's whoever is on call. It's not a service i can just request when i need to talk. I can't distract myself so is making the urges to cut even more. Usually i'd put tv on, go out or write but i can't do that. I've asked for some diazepam again but getting ignored. Grr

I've asked for some diaz again. I've asked for referral to psych dept again where nurseman works but they said it's unlikely they'll speak to you as you've not self harmed or attempted again since last time. It's ridicules. So basically you can't get help from the people you want unless you do something to harm yourself. I'm close to it. That's why i want to speak to him. I left my purse etc on the ward earlier so i'm not tempted to go get something to do something with. I know i've got the number of crisis team etc but i really don't want to call them when i don't know them. I find it so hard to talk to people that when find someone who i can slightly open up to such as nurseman or sam the councillor i get too attached. I'm going mad and getting more and more worked up.