Some sods are foot-length and others are the length of the car. 'Break them lads, sure they wouldn't fit in the trailer the way they have them there.'

5. It's not too bad in the middle...

He has a gander after finding the plot basically under water and decides we can plough on regardless.

6. He's some man to foot turf...

Some old man is there horsing into a plot like a demon and the father uses him as a chance to scold you for being useless and tell you how much of a machine John from down the road is. 'Sure look at him, boys, he hasn't straightened his back all day.'

7. You won't be complaining in the winter when it's warming your arse...

You and the brother are whinging and want to go home and watch the match, but you're getting zero soot from the aul lad. You've no comeback - and if you did you'd be dodging sods for the day.

8. There'll be some burning in that turf, boys...

It's a good year, the turf is dry and Jazus it would nearly go without the firelighters.

9. It'd nearly turn itself for ya...

Another comment about just how dry the turf is. It's cut lovely, sitting on top of a hill away from any sitting water, and the father is absolutely delighted with himself.

As young children, the lure of jumping bog holes is all too much, but when the aul lad spots you trying to rescue your sinking brother from a ditch, you're in trouble.

11. Be the lord Jazus, he's useless...

Some poor young lad has tagged along to help you and the father foot the turf and a good gust of wind would break him. He's up and down the whole time stretching his back, and your father spends half the day shaking his head in utter disgust at his appalling technique.

12. It won't kill ya, lads! (A bit of hard work)...

First sight of you standing up straight and the aul lad chips in with this clanger.

13. We'll have it done by lunchtime, sure!

He said it alright - but by Jazus it never happened.

14. Don't be stacking the footings so high!

A challenge to you, an absolute nuisance to your father. You manage to engineer a 20-storey high footing, but when you hear it crumple to the ground and your Da sees it lying in water, good luck to ya!

Standard compliment for the state of the turf. It didn't walk itself home, though - didn't throw itself into the shed either!

16. Great day for it all the same...

Your aul lad's attempt at a pep talk to get you buoyed up for the challenge of a full plot on a sunny summer Saturday. It's a grand day for lots of things, says you. Anything but the Jazus bog!

17. Back in my day...

Everyone was class at footing turf back in the day apparently, and your father's not behind the door about telling ya. Everyone spent the three months of the summer on the bog footing turf for sport.

18. It's not as good as last year...

No matter how many years you were dragged to the bog to foot turf, your father always thought last year's turf was better. Either the plots did get progressively worse or your father just morphed into a bigger whinger every year.

19. He wouldn't foot it out of his way...

Another insult for your weak friend who wouldn't pull the stray bits of straw hanging off the sods as they dried on the bog. 'He hasn't hands to bless himself, that lad. He hardly makes the team, does he?'

20. It's a pain in the arse all the same...

After all his bull and bluster, your father finally throws in the towel and agrees that the bog is an absolute trek of a day. 'Come on, we'll leave it, that end bit is dry enough as it is.'

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