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Tuesday, May 3, 2011

The things we say...

You know you're a mom when you find yourself saying things like, “You need to stop killing your brother” while on the phone with Sprint and it doesn't hit you that maybe -just MAYBE- you might need to explain. Not once does it cross your mind that the nice person on the other end of the line has all your vital info and if you don't follow up your statement with “on that video game”, they might easily send the proper authorities to knock down your door.

Is it just me, or has any other mom found themselves saying things they never thought would come out of their mouths now that they have kids? And I'm not just talking about hearing things your parents said to you come from a voice that sounds stunningly like your own. No, I'm talking about those times that you feel the need to say in a very stern voice in the canned vegetable aisle, “Grabbing yourself and shrieking is NOT appropriate here.” Or “Why must you poke monkeys with sticks?”... by the way, that did not occur at a zoo.

I've learned that its just a part of life- well, MY life, anyways- to hear myself say, “It is NEVER ok to ACTUALLY hang your baby brother up by his toes.”

Mental note- I need to watch my threats.

I'm starting to fear that its only a matter of time until CPS comes a'callin', and would I really blame them? The last time I was on hold with my son's school, it wasn't until AFTER they had picked up that I realized the operator had just heard me tell my 4 year old, “No, cats do NOT like peanut butter and jelly, and kids should not eat cat food, so no sharing.” Maybe THAT'S why we quickly became qualified for the reduced lunch program...

How about (to my 10 year old son), "Get your toes out of your mouth during our family devotional! Do you think Jesus wants to see that?!" ...OK, really? I said that? There are other things I've said too...."Do you have a brain at all?!"

I was on the phone with Sprint customer service last week. My 10-year-old was antagonizing his 5-year-old sister, using big words and frustrating her. She was just getting more and more angry, and here I am, on the phone in my office listening to this lovely sound escalating and streaming in from the other room; it got to the point where I could not even focus on what the woman on the phone was saying, so I pulled my mouth away from the mouthpiece and yelled "SON! If you do not stop antagonizing your sister, I'm going to SHAVE YOUR HEAD and FEED YOUR HAIR to the NEIGHBOR'S DOG! You better KNOCK IT OFF NOW!!!!" and then I spoke again into the phone, "I'm sorry ... now ... where were we?"

Ughhghghghghghgh. BOYS! Right? I only have one - I can't imagine having three! But I'm already catching myself saying "those" things that sound completely ridiculous out of context of raising boys! Good luck, from one "Boy Mom" to another.

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About Me

I'm a SortaSuperMom that gets her extraordinary powers from coffee. I've been with the love of my life, Corey, since high school. We have 3 boys because we're a little bit crazy and because God OBVIOUSLY thought it would be funny to do that to a total girlie girl. I cook and bake to save my sanity, and when that doesn't work, I write about it. Anything else you'd like to know, you can read about it here.