'Remember to breathe': At OPRF, circle keepers help lead 'America to Me' discussions

Rachel K. Hindery / Pioneer Press

Participants, in groups, discuss the fourth episode of the Starz series "America to Me" at Oak Park and River Forest High School's north cafeteria on Sept. 17. Discussion groups were called "circles."

Participants, in groups, discuss the fourth episode of the Starz series "America to Me" at Oak Park and River Forest High School's north cafeteria on Sept. 17. Discussion groups were called "circles." (Rachel K. Hindery / Pioneer Press)

Rachel K. HinderyPioneer Press

In the fourth episode of Steve James’ 10-part documentary series “America to Me,” students, teachers and staff at Oak Park and River Forest High School deal with tension.

For some, it’s a tension between their authenticity and systems that categorize them. For others, it’s trying to relate without recognizing the effects of their actions.

On Sept. 17 in OPRF’s north cafeteria, participants leaned into one another in circles of eight to 10, examining their own tension in discussion groups after a screening of the episode at the school.

Before beginning the free weekly “America to Me” screenings, those at the high school said they looked for ways to help people engage with and learn from the documentary, which appears on the Starz network.

"We were intentional when our team got together that circle [discussions] would create the most opportunities for deeper listening," educator and circle trainer Gina Harris said.

Leaders, called “circle keepers,” inform and keep a set of 11 rules. These include using “I statements,” observing time limits of two minutes per person per question, and speaking only while holding a “talking piece,” which is passed clockwise.

Rule 11 is simply “remember to breathe.”

Some circle trainers and circle keepers are experienced community leaders.

Harris created unity dialogues for youth from Oak Park and Maywood, and is trained as a restorative practices facilitator and trainer.

Clare Kalemba, a circle keeper, is working toward a master’s degree in transformational leadership and coaching.

"The dynamic energy of a circle was very intriguing to me," she said.

When discussions mean examining racial biases and racism, officials understood that participating in the discussion can take courage.

"Thank you for coming and continuing the journey with us," Karin Sullivan, OPRF’s executive director of communications and community relations, said while welcoming people to the screening.

With each episode, "it will get deeper and it will get tougher," Harris said, because people might see themselves in a character who is experiencing or perpetuating racism.

"We're going to move forward, but we have to know where we are individually first," Harris said. "We have to understand our own biases and break them down so that we can have action that actually makes change."

Kalemba said she felt “angry” toward someone in episode four.

"The person I was so angry at in the episode, I had to take a step back and say 'when in my life do I do that,' " Kalemba said.

Kalemba said she has friends of different races, and wants to do more: "How do I have those deeper conversational with the people around me," Kalemba said. "How do I have these conversations with my children."

It’s about appreciating one’s own experiences while treating others with "more respect and kindness," Harris said.

As Kalemba asks questions of herself, she helps those in her circle feel safe asking their own.

"As circle keeper, my own authentic way of being — and speaking from my own experience — sets the tone for the circle," she said.

Because each person in a circle speaks in turn, "we can't manipulate the outcome in the circle," Harris said. "You have to listen to what everyone is saying," adding that the goal is "listen to understand; don't listen to respond.”

Feelings were heightened in Kalemba’s circle.

"I think tonight was the strongest night where everyone was very reactive to one person in the episode," Kalemba said, and some members wanted to reply to one another’s responses.

However, "If you respond directly to a person, we're no longer having a community conversation," Harris said.

"Tonight was a good example of challenge, and wanting to have dialogue instead of continuing the circle process," Kalemba said.

With six more episodes and more work ahead, the idea is to "trust the process; let yourself be confined by the rules so that the process can work," Kalemba said. "Allow yourself to be open to the feelings that come up."

There’s tension, but also opportunity.

"We're the system, so what needs to shift is us," Harris said.

All people belong to circles, she said, adding "when an individual shifts, then they impact every circle that's in their life."