Ouch!!

March 3, 2009

Hi,

I'm a Mom of 18 month old twins. My son has a habit of pulling my daughters hair for no reason. When he goes to do it I know he knows what he is doing because he is looking right at me and my husband and waiting for a response.

We tried to talk to him (not sure if there is much to reason with an 18 month old but we tried). We tried to put him in the pack and play for a little time out and then spoke to him after. We always make him hug her when he is done with his time-out. I feel so bad b/c my duaghter does not even fight back she just screams and it's unfair to her…help!!!! MOMMYOFTWINS

Hi MommyofTwins,

Oh how common, how common this is. Twins! The dynamic duo! As you will have realized as a mom of 18-month-old twins, they are sooo very different, yet they complement each other gracefully.

This is what your 18-month-old son does realize: When he pulls his sister's hair, he gets a reaction from you and from her. He basically has learned that he can muscle his little way into the "sandbox" by using a little pincer control! As he is too young to physically place in a time out, one must use very firmly, the voice of authority.

And by that, I mean in a firm voice telling him, "That's naughty, owie! Hurt! Hair!" One-word syllables. And the show by example, saying to him "Ow, that hurts! Kiss your sister." And then, encourage him to kiss her and give her hugs and remove him two feet away from when he tries to domineer over. He'll try and come back and you will say to him, "you have to stay there for a moment." And he'll cry and kick his feet, and you'll persevere it out and then he can come back to the party.

However, playing games with the kids like taking turns on one trike or taking turns with rolling the ball or sharing finger paints, is all part of encouraging them to play alongside each other and to play with each other. Because as you will have noticed, it's not something they will naturally do at this age.

Try playing dress up, and role-play is exciting. As is picking up colored shapes together in their own little basket, which allows them to play alongside each other. Nursery rhymes can also bring their together, as does dancing along to music.