It's just that several months ago I found myself wandering through Macy's in Atlanta, scoring a last-minute gift for my friend's wedding. If I had acted sooner, I might have bought my friend a more thoughtful gift and stuck to my budget.

I got him a trash can.

It was a shiny metal jobbie - real stylish - but I'm afraid the fact that I bought him a waste bin reflects some unconscious attitude I might have about marriage. I scoured shelves for cups and candle holders, but, alas, all were bought by early birds.

It was during the wedding that I first contemplated new singles traditions for the sole purpose of grabbing goods. You can already capitalize on things like:

Housewarming parties. Think ``early'' and ``often.'' We terminal renters move around a lot. Do you have any idea how much stuff you could grab if you threw a housewarming party every time you relocated? And throw the party before all of your stuff arrives. No one's getting goodies for you if you just moved into the playboy suite.

A good old-fashioned barbecue. Too broke to buy groceries? Roll some pennies and spring for chips and dip. Ask a mess of friends to come and bring a covered dish. You're guaranteed leftovers, and you could score a fridge full of beverages.

No new ideas there, though. It might be better, really, to invent entirely new singles events that, with time, could grow in magnitude and believability. Call them traditions, and people might buy them. Celebrate:

Break-up bashes. Whether you're the dumper or dumpee, it's time to party! Invite people who cursed you because you ignored them when you landed a girlfriend or boyfriend. Note: gag gifts and bachelors' beer mugs are appropriate presents.

Meet-the-parents parties. Any parents I've met have been positively lovely, but I've heard that the parental introduction can be quite the gut-wrench for a shy single. You'll need friends to shower you with liquid refreshment soon afterward. This tradition might need some seasoning, but it could be connected to the ...

This-could-be-serious soiree. No commitment here, bub. Don't panic. But put on the couple's face when someone brings you a nice set of glasses or plates. Gift-givers should include receipts with any gifts, so they can be exchanged just like the relationship. (Was that harsh?)

Been together for a (blank) celebration. This varies. For some, a year anniversary is appropriate. For others, a week of commitment is a major feat. The shorter the anniversary marker, the more perishable the gift - a gallon of milk with a bow will do for a month or a week. It might last longer than the relationship.

The point is, single people, it's time to even the score. Pay no mind to those who say singles are the real lucky ones, what with the late nights and no one to answer to and all. If any married person gives you a hard time about being selfish and refuses to take part in your festivities, tell that person not to question tradition. Remind him whose fridge is bare. We're the ones who are broke. We need matched luggage. We need food processors.