Advocating for the right of consenting adults to share and enjoy love, sex, residence, and marriage without limits on the gender, number, or relation of participants. Full marriage equality is a basic human right.

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Thursday, March 30, 2017

Why Men Choose Polyandry

Ruth asked at a Big Internet Portal's question-and-answer service...

Why do men choose polyandry(a woman with multiple husbands)?
What's the appeal? Is their jealousy? How does sex work? Is it akward knowing that the other husband has had sex with your wife?I'd like to understand how polyandrous relationships work, especially from mens point of view. Could you handle your wife having another husband?

Why do men choose a monogamous marriage? Why do men choose not to marry at all? Why do some men choose a polygynous marriage, or a group marriage? It’s going to be different for different people, but you can find some common reasons that pop up frequently. It is a combination of needs and wants, including social, emotional, financial, sexual, etc.

A man may choose polyandry because he is bisexual, or because he enjoys seeing his wife with another man, or because his wife has a higher libido than he does, or for reasons that are entirely nonsexual.

You can see the very good Best Answer if you keep reading.

I am married to a wonderful, challenging, sexy and creative woman. But, she has another lover, as well. That other lover, in this case, is a woman, too, and it's a fact that we all love each other, too.

This does not exactly equate to the question you asked, I know, but I think some of what I can tell you bears directly on your questions. Because make no mistake. Unlike the stereotypical FMF polygamous relationship, our relationship would be more accurately described as an MFF (or maybe FFM) polyamorous relationship. My wife has a husband and a wife, if you get my meaning, and the fact that her wife and I also love each other and sleep together (all three of us sleep together, that is) is incidental.

In my case, the appeal is that I love them both very much. But there are also some powerful benefits, and I'm sure those benefits would be true of a MFM relationship, as well.

1. Economic - We have our own home (which I built, myself, for the most part), and we have no mortgage. We have three incomes to fund our family.

2. We have three competent adults to help raise and nurture our children. Our three older kids have turned out to be remarkable, amazing and dedicated young people, and our two younger children seem to be headed the same way.

3. We are able to divide up the chores in terms of talent, temperment and time. Many hands make light work, as the saying goes.

4. We have three professional, intelligent minds to help solve problems, and to give differing persectives on answers to problems.

5. No matter how busy our schedules, there is almost always somebody around to lend a shoulder to cry on, or to snuggle with.

As to your other questions -

I'm not sure our relationship would work as well if we were not equal, loving partners. The fact that both of the Ladies involved are bisexual, and love each other as well as me is really the cement that bonds us. I am unsure how two heterosexual men would find the ability to bond, but I imagine it can happen.

Jealousy - well, in our case, there's not much opportunity, because we have one big bed, and we all sleep in it. But, early in our relationship, there might have been a twinge, now and again, when one of us would be at work and the other two could spend time together. We dealt with that problem head on, talking things through carefully, honestly and openly several times, and easing those primitive fears.

Why shouldn’t they be able to have their marriage recognized by law?

(This is an entry I bumped up because it is as timely as it was when it was originally posted.)

8 comments:

Well said. Your reasons are valid and have been worked out in our life. In our case, my wife had a female lover for 10 years. Contrary to what most people would assume, I never had intercourse with her, ever. We did oral, but that was it. Why? The other woman was my wife's lover, not mine. She has had shorter term male lovers, but they are her lovers. I just join on occasion. Why? As the writer said, one reason for poly is the female has a higher libido. Until she hit her 50’s my wife had a libido I couldn’t possible satisfy, so poly has worked for us for a very long time.

Thank you so much for your comments. If you are willing to tell us more about how this worked for you, to be published on the blog, email me and I'll ask you some questions. Or, if you have the details posted elsewhere, feel free to send us the link.

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Full Marriage Equality

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I argue for marriage equality. By that I mean that society and all local, state, federal, and international laws, institutions, and programs should recognize any marriage registered by any persons without restrictions on the basis of race, color, creed, ancestry, national origin, sex, gender, sexual orientation, or religion.

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