Musings and stories from a 40-something year old slut newbie

Month: February 2016

So, last night was hopefully going to be my first threesome…but things didn’t go quite as planned. I got a message on Friday from the FWB I saw last Sunday that someone he’d had sex with tested positive for chlamydia. I appreciated him telling me and not waiting for his results to come back, but I wouldn’t ever put someone at potential risk, so I went in for testing (waiting), informed the guy I saw Tuesday, and told the couple about what was going on (the clinic proactively treated me anyway, so I should be fine soon either way…but obviously would prefer that I was negative all along. We used condoms, so that’s my hope).

Anyway, the couple still invited me out to their house to have dinner. I’ll admit that I was sort of like “ugh. Driving an hour to not even get any? Um. Bleh”. But I couldn’t really say that. 🙂 And I did enjoy their company before. So, drive out there I did. And it was great. We hung out. I got more comfortable with them. I do like them as people quite a bit.

And then she walked me out to my car and asked if she could kiss me. I was so blown away by her boldness…and kiss I did. And did some more. We kissed for awhile and, other than feeling weird about being taller, it was soooo good. My first girl kiss and it was amazing. So, I drove away, all giddy, turned on, and excited. And now we have to figure out another time to get together.

In retrospect, I’m glad things have gotten drawn out. Now I’m genuinely excited about THIS couple (and, especially THIS woman) and not just excited for a new experience.

Last night I had to make the very difficult decision to euthanize a pet (lest anyone worry that I euthanize animals for non-legitimate reasons, he was very very old). Even though I had been preparing myself for years that this date would eventually come, it’s no less sad when it does…

So tonight I decided to just get out of my own head for a bit. I’d been messaging this guy who seemed completely on the same page as me about sex over the weekend. Normally I meet guys out for a drink or two and then make a decision. Tonight I just invited him over. Pretty much within 3-4 minutes, we were both naked.

The sex was good. My bed is soaked (again). Was it the best sex I’ve ever had? No. And there probably is potential there for some really good sex. Certainly the fact we barely spoke before having sex (well, barely spoke in person) was less hot to me than some anticipation building. But I just really wanted that distraction and release. And he was good enough that I got it, despite the kind of weird feeling of “have we said more than a sentence to each other?” as we’re both getting off.

Sometimes sex is just a release. And that’s all it is.

And despite popular culture references to the contrary, I maintain that it is much healthier than half a bottle of wine.

Will I see this guy again? He asked if I’d like to see him again before he left. And I said yes. And meant it. And he seemed to be asking a genuine question. So I’d say there is a good chance I’ll see him.

I recognize I am super lucky to be able to afford to pay for STD/I testing and that I can use HSA account dollars to pay for testing (and that I don’t have to wait in line at a free clinic). But it’s still a pain in the butt to get over to a lab for testing. So, based on the googles, I found PrivateIDNA.com as an at-home testing option. It’s pretty easy, really. You order the kit (male or female). The female kit comes with a vaginal swab and lancets for blood draw. Basically, you swab your vagina (the instructions on that are probably not the best, but it’s also not that complicated), put it in the container marked for that. And you use the lancet to put blood drops on a special paper in a special spot and then you seal it all up, according to instructions, and mail it back.

So, the pros – you do it on your own time, in your own home, no waiting in line, and when the results are ready, you just check online for the results. Super simple.

The only con was that it takes awhile. You have to wait for the test kit to arrive (a few days) and it did take probably over a week to get the results back…and I never saw the email letting me know that results were back, I just found them by logging into the website and checking. So, I don’t know if the email went to spam or what…But waiting a week (even when you aren’t worried) still create anxiety.

Overall, though, I’d use this method again. Especially since I have bad veins for blood draws.

Oh, and all was clear 🙂

(PS: No one asked me to post this review and I bought the kit myself. I just figured that it might be of interest to others)

A month or so ago, I went out with a bi guy and had, well, fantastic sex (it was my weekend of back to back bi guys…). He really isn’t physically my type in a lot of ways, but the sex was fantastic. And I just liked him. He was a good guy. Our schedules haven’t lined up for awhile, but today finally worked…I had the sense that maybe our memories of how good the sex had been were maybe a little different from the last couple messages, but it’s always hard to tell with messages.

Well, I don’t need to worry that I was the one who misremembered :p I think he was actually surprised how great it was. And it was. He said a couple times that he was, well, surprised. I don’t know how many different positions we ended up in just, well, naturally. And a couple times I was genuinely worried, but didn’t care, that the bed would break (and my bed has been rebuilt once from a prior relationship that broke it in the first week…my poor bed 😉 ).

Definitely a good mid-day break on a Sunday 🙂 Hopefully he’ll remember for the next time how good we work together…

I’ve been open to, but not necessarily super actively seeking, the threesome experience. Because, why not? More hands, more mouths…just seems like fun. Under the right circumstances. Sex is already sometimes awkward with power dynamics at play. Throw in 3 people instead of 2 and it could get get bad weird.

But I’ve been chatting with a woman in a couple who wants to explore a threesome. One thing that seemed interesting to me was that both have lived in other countries for periods of time and they basically seemed like they might be worldly and intelligent…qualities I really like. Even if something is one time, I would still want to enjoy the people I’m with. And again, trying to make things as comfortable as possible…

So, last night we met for drinks and dinner. I had let her know in advance I have my period and so nothing would be happening, even if we all clicked (I can deal with my period for regular sex, but just didn’t want to have that element in a 3some). I didn’t know what to expect. I’m not used to flirting with women and I’m kind of a terrible flirt as it is…and getting ready, I was like “what do I wear???” Now, I go out and meet a lot of guys. I’m adept enough at picking out clothing for that. But somehow throwing a female in the mix, it was weird. I ended up picking out a top that I was worried was too low cut, but paired it with a boring sweater and jeans and flat boots. And wore a little less eye makeup than usual.

They were at the bar/restaurant when I arrived. I didn’t know what to expect from conversation, but it ended up just being super easy to talk to them about traveling and we even touched on politics (how could you not this year?) a bit. And I just really liked them. The woman was really really pretty in an approachable way. The guy wasn’t necessarily my type, but he is attractive. More attractive than his photos suggested. I wasn’t sure what they were thinking though because, well, it seemed like normal conversation. We were done eating and kind of just hanging out when the woman got up to use the restroom and the guy changed the topic to interest in 3somes, etc. It was kind of a normal conversation…well, as normal as these things are. When the woman got back, we were still talking about it and it was…normal? They explained how they wanted to make sure they actually liked the person they brought in. He hasn’t had a 3some before. She has had 2 and liked them and wanted to do it again. Anyway, they liked me. I liked them. And we have another date in a week and a half…where I assume it will be a little more private and a little more relaxed and, well, we’ll see where things lead.

I’m definitely excited. Definitely nervous. Definitely worried that anyone who knows me might judge. But trying to just focus on being excited, curious, and just…interested. These two are my kind of people. And I feel like anything awkward would be handled in a normal and mature way. I made clear that I totally respect their bond and that is important to me that they know I respect that. So…we’ll see. If in a week and a half I have a totally new experience in my life.

I have an uneasy relationship with porn. I’m a highly visual person and I love seeing sexual images of all types (I don’t buy that women aren’t very visual – I buy that women are taught to be ashamed of liking sexual images). But I do know that a lot of women who are in porn are not there purely by choice. It’s a messy industry. Anyway, this post isn’t really about that. But I guess I start almost all discussions about porn with my conflict about it…

I’ve meant to write about some of the generational differences I’ve noticed in men since my dating pool that I consider ranges from about 25-50. The pool I’ve had sex with in recent history has been 26-44. So, between talking to guys in the 25 year age range pool and having sex with an obviously (much) smaller subset, I have noticed some generational differences that can’t purely be dismissed as coming with more years of having sex.

One of those differences is the impact of porn on what men expect sex to be like. While, I think basically all men (and most women) in that range watch some kind of porn now, the older guys didn’t grow up with porn being readily accessible at any time, any place. The unfortunate side effect of porn on demand is that there are a lot of younger guys who think hard, sustained pounding is all it takes to please a woman. They don’t appreciate that variation in speed, intensity, teasing, etc, is all part of the fun. That isn’t to say some haven’t figured it out. But they are the exception. But many men seem to think that bragging about pounding me for hours is exciting…

Now, I have a lot of stamina. And I can go for hours. But if it’s the same thing over and over, I’m just going to be bored at some point. I think this is where men who had to figure out how to fuck without internet porn have an advantage. They do know how to mix it up.

So I wonder if there is any good that comes from constant access to porn…I’m not sure. I do think there are things younger guys are much better about than older men (that are generational differences, not just physical differences in age)…and I’ll try to put up topical posts on those things.

But if anyone has thoughts on whether a constant stream of porn is actually a good thing, I’d be interested.