I am the First Lady of HR with a stellar career.
"People" is my middle name, on Tuesdays.
"Save a dollar, save a dime, spending cash is a corporate crime"

Saturday, 15 November 2014

Our clients could be as happy as pigs in shit, claims Comrade Carl Marks

Ladies of HR

To: Gloria, HR; Juliette; Sales, Stan, CEO

From: Comrade Carl Marks

Bcc: Big data cloud

Gloria and Juliette,

Lay off critiquing out great product.You two ladies simply don't get it. And believe me, I respect women in business.

Enough is enough and poshel na hui!

We have just done 50 hours of testing on our new product. The
results show that most of the so called bugs often disappear after a fairly
simple reboot. However, our clients lack sophistication
and the level of customer service we supply is a disaster.

Now, let’s cope with this as a team to get to the two root
cause of our issues.

1) Juliette’s sales team cannot sell lemonade on a hot beach.
The sales folks wine, dine and womanize and the results are 0, zilch, nada. Our
product is a pearl yet the sales folks don’t know how to explain the added
value of our technology.

2) The ladies of HR cannot recruit a loyal
Russian to the Red Army. HR dilly dallies with procedures, nickel and dimes the
staff, and tries to prevent unionization, which would serve us all well. If HR
were to hire and train 4 service engineers who speak Albanian, Thai and
Russian, our clients would be as happy as pigs in shit. Instead, HR floats slogans,
farts (pardon me) and tap dances on the stage.

Based on this finding, I demand that our engineers get better proper support
from Sales and HR.

FYI, the R&D team is going on a team outing to
London, to see how a civilized people treat one another under pressure. Ramsbottom, please text me the budget code.