Sunday, August 23, 2015

Hungover Parenting Strategies

We all know hangovers suck, but trust me, parenting first thing in the morning with a hangover is so much worse than you could imagine. After going through a particularly rough day recently I decided to share some strategies to dealing with your infant when you feel like a guilty dirty shameful excuse for a mom or dad.

Give Your Kid All the Things
You know all the things your child wants to touch but they never get to play with? Now is the time to give them to him. Let him play with whatever makes him the happiest and whatever keeps him occupied for the longest time so you can cry into the seam of the couch and try to pull it together

Eat Their Breakfast
You need to get something in your belly. While a drive to McDonalds may be tempting, you probably aren't in the best shape to operate a vehicle. Eat your kid's blueberries and oatmeal. They just throw most of it on the floor anyways.

Tag Team With Your Spouse
Watching your child feels like an eternity at 6am when you are hungover. Take turns swapping sleep for an hour with your spouse, even if it means you technically don't get up until 3pm. Hour long doses of parenting are (barely) manageable.

Use the Playpen
Now is a great time to use that portable play-yard you bought. Open it up, dump in some toys, keys, iPhones... whatever they want the most, and add in your child. This allows you to close your eyes and know that your child is safe.

Close the Bathroom Door
You know what your child doesn't need to see? You throwing up.

Use Those Baby Snacks
If your child is like mine, baby snacks = baby crack. I usually limit his puffs and stars to once a day, but I am prepared to use them to my advantage when needed. A hangover means he hits the snack jackpot.

Be Prepared For the Poop
If your stomach is queasy, the smell of your child's shit is not going to make things better, Hold your breath, shove toilet paper in your nostrils, do whatever you have to do to be prepared and avoid uncontrollable gagging.

Remember This Feeling
Next time you have a few drinks remember how absolutely horrible this day felt, and really weigh out the consequences of that next drink. I'm not saying to never get drunk, I'm just saying at least make sure your spouse stays sober and can let you nurse your hangover the next morning. Everyone will be much happier (trust me).