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March 15, 2010

On having a daughter, and having me.

I was feeling pretty great, powerful, and amazed at my Mother-Earthy-ness. I mean, I had my baby at home, on my bedroom floor, only light from candles by my bed and a flashlight in my midwife's hands.

I am WOMAN!

Eighteen months ago today I felt like there wasn't anything I could not do.

I need that reminder this day, especially, because I can't really think of much I can do well right now. I'm blinded by the glare of the many many many defects of myself, my wifely-ness, and my mothering.

Eighteen months ago today I was finding out what it was like to have a daughter. [I'll be honest, it's awesome.]

But it kicks my butt sometimes. I know that boys need a good example of a Mother just as much as girls

BUT

for meit really kicked in when I had Ivy. Like, I can't fake my way through this one. I'm learning so much I never knew about myself. She is so much like me. She is so much like me. She could be like me.

And she can do anything.

I cando anything.And do it well.

Beth took this one & I stole it because it's my favorite picture ever.

50 comments:

You, my dear, are amazing. Girls are a tough territory and I am finding that as my daughter gets older there are things that are so fun and things that are so high maintenance about her girliness. We can totally do this!! :) xo

OH YES. And as she gets older and things you say/do start coming back to you THROUGH HER you will learn to both LOVE yourself (because it can be very endearing!) AND see things you will want to obliterate from your personality (because OHMYGOSH do I really do that?!).

Alex is like a little mini-me. Eye-opening to say the very least. What's great is that you'll have an amazing bond with her (at least until she's in her teens, ugh) (ugh ugh ugh!) and you'll be able to do it ALL together. Alex and I are currently helping one another to un-learn saying, "I'M STARVING." We had a discussion about it and both agree it's just the wrong thing to say, so now when I mess up, she says, "Mom, just say you're hungry. You aren't really starving." It's kinda awesome.

i so know what you mean about not being able to "fake your way" through having a girl. my boy (grayson!) was and is such a beautiful distraction and i never questioned myself with him. with abby, however, it's different. it's like i'm more mindful to set a good female example for her because she is getting it, live in the front row, from me first. the pressure makes me want to be a ballerina and a truck driver all at the same time.

i think you're doing an incredible job. she's a complete doll and that can't be an accident - i'm guessing she's a LOT like her mommy in all good ways.

Completely agree -- it is incredibly humbling to be the mother of a girl. I had a similar realization when my daughter was about the same age as Ivy; in fact, it is what led me to change the title of my blog to "Following In My Shoes."

It seems harder to parent daughters because we do see the reflections of ourselves. Whenever I want to moan about weight or say something self deprecating about myself I catch myself looking around to see if my girls are within earshot. I'd hate to hear them talk about themselves like that and they'll learn it from me!It's been an eye opening journey in that sense.

But it's also SO fun to parent girls. To get down and be really girly with them... It's awesome. The fun is just beginning!

Hey, that is a great homebirth story! Just wanted to say that I have those moments all the time with my nine-month-old son. He is learning everything from me. And I have a whole LIFE in my hands. It's terrifying and wonderful and I feel like my heart resides in two bodies.

Ivy is beautiful. Inside and out. She gets it from you. But you know how she runs and then falls down and gets back up and runs again? It's because you taught her that. It's not about how many times you fall (or feel like you've failed), it's about how many times you get up.

You'll get up again if you haven't, because that's the kind of woman, wife, and mother you are. But, no pressure. Sometimes when we fall, it is a relief to know that we can cry and just lay there. We don't have to get up right away. Eventually.

Having a daughter after two sons really stopped me in my tracks and I remember thinking: What do I do with her!!! Well now that she is almost nine she is such a fun lovable companion. I think I breathe because of my daughters!!! My little guys just slipped into my life and were loved totally but there were far more things to understand about myself and to deal with... when daughters came along!!! Gotta love our kids, whatever they are, in such a crazy way!!! Happy 18 months to you - and I love her sitting, watching photograph!!!

I completely know what you mean. I struggle often internally if I'm showing my daughter enough, giving her enough. I just want her to be a happy and strong woman, and to be quite honest, there are days that I'M not a happy nor a strong woman, and I really wonder can I do this? I adore every second I've spent with her, and more than enjoy watching her become her own wonderful little person, despite my many faults. She's teaching me to be more me than I've ever been before! Enjoy every moment with your little girl!

having children, girl or boy, never gets old! Ivy is beautiful! Carter, Noah and Gray are so handsome! It's tough stuff, training them up right! Yes, there is something about a girl that makes you want to be a better woman! There's something about children that make you want to be a better Mom! Good job Steph!

That IS an awesome pic! What a sweet face. Tell me about it, girl. I have 3, count them 3, daughters (two of whom are teenagers.) Mercy! I can't even be OLD enough to have teenagers. All I know is I grow as they do. I'm learning as they learn. You're so right...we can do this. (Ha- I'm having a good day.)

I really want to have my next baby at home, too. I would love love LOVE it if you could direct me to a place that has reliable, honest, supportive info. A book or a website, or anything that you felt really helped you through it, and helped you get there without feeling doubtful. And as always, your post was absolutely wonderful. Steph, you are such an amazing woman. I want to be a mother like you, and I hope that I can someday be the mom to 4 that you are. You're what I look to when thinking about incredible mothering. SO inspired by you.

I think about this stuff a lot. About how if I had a girl, I'd know what to worry about and expect and wait for so much more than I do with my boys. That because I'm not a boy, and never had brothers, that I have no idea what's coming around the bend. And even though I see myself in one of my sons SO MUCH, it's still different because he's a boy. So although I don't have a daughter, I'm with you on the three sons and I can imagine the difference that you write about here. And? If I'm totally honest, I have to admit it's a little hard to read because I think there is a little part of me that is holding on to the possibility of a little girl. (shhh. don't tell.) :)

I needed this reminder! I'm so much more conscious of setting a good example for Bug; however, it was just revealed today that Wog is adopting a sarcastic, bossy and impatient way about him. I know it's not all that uncommon for a 3yo, but today I heard an echo of myself and I don't like that one bit. It's made me feel really down about my parenting skills. So, thanks for the encouragement that I can do anything! :)