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I hope that the title doesn't offend anyone, but I based the name on the conversation I'm looking to start here on MH. Honest opinion from both husbands and wives: Do you feel that sex toys are a gateway to a threesome? I ask this because a couple of weeks back some friends of ours were having an open and honest sexual discussion, and sex toys came up as a topic, to use or not to use.

One of our friends said she and her husband didn't use sex toys as they felt they were a gateway to a threesome.

I asked, "how so?"

Both she and her husband stated that even if they used sex toys to enhance their experience as a couple at one point, what if they were using a fake penis that was bigger than her husband's penis and of course if he was using a fake vagina to masturbate in that it would be a mold of some other woman's vagina.

Her point was they realized it might open up a can of worms if ever a couple who regularly uses sex toys says, "How about we try this with another male or female instead of just using toys?"

So MH readers what do you think, could sex toys be a gateway to a threesome like this couple seems to suggest?

Hum, never really thought about it that way. We don't really use those kind of toys, I just have a small vibrator. I could see how some one might say that it would tempt them to do a threesome but really I would say that for us at least it would not.

Just speaking bluntly, I think your friends are choosing to have a warped perspective. It sounds like they are not viewing a sex toy as a "personal aid" or an enhancer for the marriage bed. Rather they are viewing it as "having sex" with the toy. IF a couple starts having threeway- the gateway will likely be an off-center moral compass or improper thought life. I have never heard of anyone who has said "We were having so much fun with this vibrator that we decided to get another real dick to play with." It's kind of a ludicrous assumption that toys lead to threeways. I think this can be labeled as "incorrect."

I have a few thoughts on this.
1. There are a lot of different kinds of sex toys out there. Not just those that look like a fake penis or vagina. A simple, basic vibrator looks nothing like a penis but it could still be used. So if their concern was using realistic looking toys, then use toys that aren't as realistic looking.

2. Married sex is about intimacy and the oneness shared between a husband and wife. Using toys of various kinds, lingerie, stories on this site, dirty talk, kinky play, role play, or anything else doesn't take away from their intimacy. In fact it can enhance it and build it. We live in a world with a lot of things trying to tear apart marriages. So anything that enhances and strengthens the relationship between a husband and wife is a good thing. And the marriage bed is pure so anything used in the marriage bed is made pure by their pure union.

3. That's a big jump from using toys as a married couple to a threesome. There are a lot of freedoms that a husband and wife can enjoy in the privacy of their own bedroom. But inviting a third party violates the one flesh of a husband and wife. So your friends would need to distinguish in their minds a difference between the pure freedom of the marriage bed and threesomes. There is a difference.

4. A toy of any kind, regardless of how it looks or what it does, is still just a toy. It isn't another living person. So using a toy isn't a threesome in any way. And an actual threesome would be a completely different experience from any toy. So essentially they are comparing apples to oranges. Even with the lifelike toys, it would still be a completely different experience. So it isn't even close to the same thing.

Everyone pretty much touched on it, I espcially liked what PacMan and HH said.

Thats a pretty big jump to make, and if your friends view it that way and want to keeps toys out of their life because of it, it's probably better that way because maybe their minds do warp around that idea and thats a temptaion they need to stay away from.

Many of us look and see it as ludacris but everyone has their own views and opinions, and we all get tempted in different ways.

I also would encourage them to really ask themselves why they think that way and pray about it. But in the end, whats okay for you and yours may not be okay for them and theirs.

To me, the idea that "sex toys" could lead to threesome is silly even if you're using a dildo or masturbator they're not real or are nothing like if you brought another person into the bedroom, but if this is a serious thought-life issue for your friends they should probably stay away from masturbators and dildos. However, MANY sex toys don't even look or act as body parts either, like Cameron and HornyHubby mentioned. If you're uncomfortable with using toys shaped like body parts but still want some extra aids for your sex life, then don't buy those types of toys.

I think by now that everyone knows how my wife and feel about sex toys we love them and use them as sort of a fire starter I also didn't mention that our friends has no idea that there were other types of sex toys other than dildos so I believe all this came from being misinformed.

To be honest I'm not sure, it doesn't really make sense to me... my husband and I never used toys at all so I'm maybe not the best person for this topic, but I still don't see how toys could or would lead to that. God bless you, dears! <3

I agree with you Harper. We've very infrequently used a vibrating penis (less than 5 times) - and it would make no sense to me how it would lead to tempt us to a threesome. My wife and I are definitely the ones to ask about toys 🙂

My wife and I have been using sex toys for her for the last 6 or 7 years, at least, and I can tell you that not once have either of us even entertained such a thought, or at least I have not and I am very sure she has not either. If anything, I think that the use of a toy on my wife has helped me to focus even more on our private relationship, since I am able to see her in the throes of pleasure when using the toy on her, or make love to her using my own mouth, hands or cock. I don't see how increasing the options of marital intimacy techniques would increase the chances of involving a third party unless the persons were already exploring such thoughts.

My husband is handicapped. So toys are often a must. I know that everyone is at there own level, also I find it difficult to orgasm without the help of a good vibrator ( I am working on that). though I think that what's most important is you're both ok with it. I have always perfered toys that were less graphic looking. I doubt it matters though. Also, we have tried a bit of fisting. Wow intense and takes a lot of comunication. But he loves doing it. I doubt anyone will find a toy bigger than my husbands fist. It's the size if a grapefruit. We have sought for years to find a balance. This last year is the first time we've found anything resembling that and part of that is still with the help of toys. I hope this helps.

I hate to sounds like a relativist, but I I think they need to know what is right for them. I'm not sure that there can be a blanket statement about if toys are right for everyone. I agree with prior posts that it is not sex with a toy and wouldn't hinder being one with husband/wife. Toys aren't meant to replace your partner but enhance the relationship and physical contact one has.
I recently embraced toys in the bedroom after years of my husband's trying to coax me into using them. I love how they bring us together. My vibrator certainly did not make me want another penis. I joked with him, though, that I now wish his penis vibrated. So we bought a really nice cock ring and made that happen! Ha ha.
If your friends are uncomfortable with using toys, they shouldn't feel pressured to use them. I hope they feel free in their marriage bed to explore each other and use outside help (lube, bondage, toys, etc) to their comfort level and that they occasionally press a little beyond that comfort level for some extra fun.
(Theirs is a bit of a slippery slope logic fallacy. But if they are both in Union and enjoying each other, let them stay with the fallacy.)

I don’t dismiss it as easily as all the other comments have. Some people never have more than a glass of wine with dinner. Others have one drink and finish the bottle. Some people experiment with a fake penis and end up at an orgy. The vast majority of people can control their actions. But a few find great pleasure in toys or pornography and can’t help trying the next level. Sex has an element of try something new in everyone’s life. You can see that by the great variety of what is written about here that goes beyond missionary position. It’s up to every couple to draw the line they won’t cross.