Movie Stub Cycle

You just celebrated your 3rd year anniversary.
You are so lucky to meet someone whom you can be so comfortable with.

Then you remembered how it was like when you first met him/her,
sleep was the least important thing you need, all you look forward to everyday is a text or a call.
You send each other MMSes to constantly update each other what you are looking at / doing / eating at that moment.
You collect all the movie ticket stubs.
And you can remember his/her birth date, address, cellphone number.
Every outing was interesting – you learned how to appreciate recitals when you don’t even like music,
you made yourself find out more about what the different football clubs are,
you started playing computer games, started knitting, picked up a new language, took a plane alone,
started writing poems, composed songs, handmade cards,
changed your fashion style to look more compatible with him/her, started going to the gym,
go to a new gym, stopped going to gym because you have no more time,
crashed lectures from another course just so you can sit next to that person.
Every single moment spent with that person is special and every thing he/she says is music to your ears.
You also secretly smiled to yourself when you changed your Facebook status from single to in a relationship.
“I have met The One”, you thought.

§

And now you two are an item.
YOU ARE SO IN LOVE!
You cannot wait to introduce all of your friends to him/her and
you hope your parents liked him/her as much as you do.
You two became inseparable and everything you two need is to breathe each other and busk in each other’s love.
You gave up your favourite hobby because he/she was not keen to pick it up,
you started skipping Sunday family dinners, and don’t turn up at Friday gatherings with friends anymore.
You bought Chinese New Year goodies, mooncakes, dumplings, log cakes for his/her family
when you don’t even do that for your own.
Sometimes, you would make dinner for his/her family too.
You love to see him/her happy and it doesn’t matter who gave in to who at the end of every argument.
All you wanted to do was to be with that person and you cannot wait for forever to begin.

§

The movie stubs began to fade and pile up in your drawer.
You two have known each other so well that no one cares whether the ticket stubs were being collected anymore.
You thought the space could be better use for your newest iPad Air Box.
Movie dates still happens once in a while, but work is more important and
being a couple planning for a future together, you need to learn how to prioritise.
Online-streamed movies and home cooked dinner would suffice,
but he/she doesn’t thank you for the home cooked meals anymore.

You miss your hobbies and your friends.
You are getting fatter, and less attractive. But you somehow didn’t mind because you are already “taken”.
You were not told by that special someone how good you look anymore.
Sometimes, you don’t think you look that good yourself either.

You talk about the more important things in life like getting married, how to please your boss,
how to manage your office politics, how much you are contributing to your family monthly,
how to save for that expensive HDB, whether you will be able to afford a car in future.
The relationship with your lover feels more like family –
there are less sparks but you spend less time doing the “useless” things like
watching aeroplanes take off, or take endless bus rides.
Instead, you spend more time planning your future.

It all begins when you make the decision to throw away the newest movie stub.

The relationship has inevitably changed.
There are days when you miss the days when he/she would spend hours doing nothing next to you,
just watching your face.
You miss the fruitless conversations about what you guys would do if you have all the money in the world.
And the dreams you shared, the childhood ambitions, stories about how he/she was a notorious school bully,
or what kind of cheesy poems you once wrote in your classmates’ autograph books.
You miss your girls or boys night out. Miss getting pissed drunk with friends talking about senseless things.
You miss feeling attractive, miss those people who once pursued you.
“I was once such a fun person.”

§

Before you know it, your heart silences for your partner.
And you crave for more.
He/she becomes a liability. An obstruction. Worse, a paranoid and clingy obstacle who doesn’t understand you.
Maybe he/she has changed. Or perhaps, it was you who has changed.
You are tired of your partner, and what more, now there is a new muse you met two nights ago,
who is an SMS away, you are looking for a way out.

The class gathering two nights ago was actually just a drink session with that new person.
You still cannot forget that goodbye kiss you exchanged before the night ended.
This person is so exciting and it is a poison you cannot stop obsessing about.
And this person is so interested in everything in your life, he turns his life around just to be near you.

The break-up comes swiftly.
Like it was almost inevitable.
Like a landslide bound for nothing.
You were sad for a while but you feel liberated to be free.
You deserve to be in a happier and more fulfilling relationship.
And that new person’s attention is making the break-up a lot easier for you.

Before you know it, your drawer is filled with new memories with a new person.
The new gadget box is worth throwing out.
The memory box filled with old pictures with your ex and love letters is worth throwing out too.
The new movie ticket stubs are piling up as well.

7 Responses

Dear Peggy, thank you for all your therapeutic posts all along.
Be it about your pets, your cafe, your love life or your thoughts.

Everytime I surf blogs on sleepless nights, the one bookmark I must click on is your blog link.
Bcos I know there’ll be something meaningful to read beyond the advertorials and updates of daily life (which I also like) that many bloggers have.

I love this space that you share.

Keep going and here’s wishing you the best in all things that matter to you in 2014.

Thanks for sharing this post. It definitely reflects the love life that I am going through at the moment except that I am still going through it and have not met that exciting 3rd party.I am now in the dilemma where I not sure if I should breakup and find a more fulfilling and happier relationship or remain in my current one as I really love my current bf a lot despite his countless flaws…But anyway, I could not have express it any better than this …Thank you…:)

So true. Thanks for writing this. Made me reflect and realize it’s truly a cycle. Be thankful for who’s by my side now and cherish what we have and never let it die. Just that bit of effort to keep it going.