Free Melissa Kellerman!

If you’re any type of respectable male – or awesome female – you probably spent your Thanksgiving with a face full of gravy as you shoveled turkey into your yapper while watching 3 more-or-less entertaining NFL games. If that’s the case, you might remember Miami Dolphins linebacker Marvin Mitchell tackling Dallas Cowboys tight end Jason Witten way out of bounds, while somehow not drawing a personal foul penalty. You should remember it because it involved Cowboys cheerleader Melissa Kellerman being tackled and helped up by Witten in quite a gentlemanly display.
Kellerman laughed it off and the cameras followed her smiling shock for a few moments before getting back to yet another Miami choke job. But because of those few seconds, a star was born and people suddenly wanted to know more about Kellerman, and she later took to her Twitter to joke about the whole gigantic man crushing her 100-pound frame ordeal.
Before you try to follow Kellerman on Twitter and send her dirty messages like the people who created Twitter intended, know that she has already deleted her account. Despite gaining more than 1,000 new followers in a matter of hours after her run-in with Witten, Kellerman was forced to delete her account by Cowboys management.
I don’t know if it’s Cowboys’ team policy for players and personnel to not have Twitter accounts and I don’t really care. Jerry Jones is a fame whore and he should embrace this kind of positive attention, because it gets people like me, who don’t give two squirts about the Cowboys, to pay attention to the Cowboys. Now I’m just angry and I’m going to take to my several Twitter accounts and fire up the “Free Melissa Kellerman!” campaign because I’m a man, and men Tweet their anger at injustice.
And in case you need further influence to jump on board this campaign, I’ve added Kellerman’s contribution to the Cowboys’ cheerleaders’ swimsuit photo shoot, because while it’s not cool for a girl to have a Twitter account, it is cool for her to be hot for the sake of helping the team sell calendars.
Also, if you can’t appreciate this actual line from her Cowboys bio, then we just can’t be friends:

If you looked in the trunk of my car you would find: I wouldn’t look in the trunk of my car if I were you…