Houdini

And if you thought that version was good, then wait till you hear this acoustic version of it:

You know when a good song comes out, and you try to catch the lyrics so you can Google them and find out what the song is? Then you download it, listen to it, and before it’s at its last beat you repeat it and listen to it all over again? In the next few days, weeks, months you listen to it frequently; you can’t get enough of it. It makes a regular appearance on your Recently Played, until soon enough it’s on your Top 25 Most Played.

I have been listening to Houdini repeatedly, and on a daily basis, since about December 2011 that I’ve reached a point where I sometimes just zone it out so it’s almost like background noise.

However, a couple of weeks ago while driving, a line suddenly jumped out at me and struck a chord.

“Sometimes I want to disappear.”

I didn’t know why it resonated with me at the time, but I pushed it away and continued singing along and completely forgot about it. That is until a few days ago, when a conversation with a friend brought it back to the forefront of my mind, as he expressed his wish to simply disappear. To not exist. To never have existed.

It is said we are all given a choice to live, but we forget we made that decision.

I’d like to believe that this notion is found in Islam somehow. That we were all floating souls at one point, and God (Allah) asked us if we wanted to exist as human beings on this Earth. That He told us how we will have the power to do all the good in the world, and all the bad in the world. That we will have so many temptations in life, but as long as we remember Him and stick with Him, we would be okay. That we will have to believe in Him. To not stray from Him. That there will be certain rules we would have to follow. A sort of form we read and sign before we accept His terms and conditions. Once we agree, we are turned into tiny cells through a long process, in which we completely forget that entire encounter ever transpired.

I don’t know why, but I find that thought comforting somehow. Intriguing too, and extremely curious. The idea that we were given a choice is very appealing.

My friend said he is willing to give up all the good and all the bad in the world for him to cease existing. To never have known good, and to never have known bad. To never have known his family, to never have met his wife, to never have experienced love, to never have endured hate and witnessed all that’s going on in our world today.

As he was saying that, all I could think of was that one line from the song, “sometimes I want to disappear”. And all I could feel was relief. Relief at the idea of not existing. Relief at the idea of not having to deal with life, its ups and its downs, its good and its evil. To not have known. They say “ignorance is bliss”, and in this case, I would have to agree. I felt relief, and it bothered me.

It bothered me that I’ve reached this point where I would rather disappear than have to deal with life.

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About smshamma

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe

Discussion

16 thoughts on “Houdini”

“Sometimes I want to disappear”
Realistically, who doesn’t? Everyone at some point feels this way- some more than others.
This feeling is very normal and a relief in itself.

If every individual was happy about their existence and had no doubts or problems, how would you define life?
Life is full of confusion, conflict, questions, disappointment and of course accomplishments. A downfall, or question of existence is simply what reminds us that we are all human, sure we have Allah hamdilla, but we also have a conscious; one which needs to be pure in order to believe…

We all serve a purpose…
For one, if you didn’t exist who would make me laugh?
Two, who would fill my head with great information and ideas to ponder about.
And three, think of your plans for the future, how it will change and improve society.. Now if you didn’t exist- who would do all this?
Who would I have to love?
:)

I think everyone feels like disappearing at some time or other, but as long as you have the tiniest glimmer of hope you can be okay. There is love in the world worth living for, good in the world worth doing. You have to be the one to make your world worth your stay in it. And…aren’t you curious about what will happen tomorrow? Don’t disappear — maybe burrow under the covers for a while instead. I would hate for you to disappear when I’ve just met you. :)

i believe that its not an accident that i came across on this site..i prayed so hard that one of these days i will never wake up anymore and just disappear from life..everything in here is a relief..i think i found hope from nowhere..thanks to you.