Man who lost to Ed Miliband, now an expert on winning

With the sage advice of someone with his ‘d$ck caught in his zipper’, David Miliband has stepped forward to advise the Labour Party, he abandoned, on where they are going astray. Mr. Miliband was at pains to explain that doubling your recruitment, rediscovering socialism and telling the truth – was electoral suicide.

A serial loser, Mr. Miliband is well placed to advise everyone on what it is to be a winning candidate – having spent so much time standing beside one. A spokeswoman for David explained: ‘If history has taught us anything, electing a Miliband is the only sure fire way to guarantee victory’.

David Miliband is the man who spent his political career creating bogus wars in the Middle East, which coincidently created the largest refugee crisis in history. Not to be mistaken for the other David Miliband, who now earns earn £500k a year working for a ‘charity’, whose purpose is to deal with the alarmingly high numbers of refugees we now have.

Since then the ex-Foreign Secretary has struggled to distance himself from the whiff of defeat and cheap hair gel. Yet David insisted he was a regular winner – although only of the Miliband family’s annual ‘Not to look like a numpty while eating a bacon sandwich’ award.

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