How to share a fantasy

Sharing a fantasy with a partner can be a cheap and easy way tofoster intimacy, build trust, and kink things up, but it takes a lot ofcourage to do. What if you think yours is too mundane to put into words(remember Meg Ryan’s faceless stranger fantasy in “When Harry MetSally”?). Or what if you’re afraid your partner will be jealous of oreven deeply disturbed by what you share? Or, worst case scenario: Whatif they just laugh? Try these tricks to make it a little easier:

Sharing a fantasy with a partner can be a cheap and easy way to foster intimacy, build trust, and kink things up, but it takes a lot of courage to do. What if you think yours is too mundane to put into words (remember Meg Ryan’s faceless stranger fantasy in “When Harry Met Sally”?). Or what if you’re afraid your partner will be jealous of or even deeply disturbed by what you share? Or, worst case scenario: What if they just laugh? Try these tricks to make it a little easier:Set the stage for safe sharingAsk your partner to tell you one of their biggest/ darkest/strangest masturbation fantasies, explaining that it’d be such a turn-on to get in their head. Promise them you won’t judge or giggle (and keep that promise). If they’re reluctant, set a brave example by offering up one of your own — you can insist that they honor the no-giggling rule, too.

Just start talkingThe next time you’re having regular old comfort sex, start talking about something you’d like to try now, something you’d like to try eventually, or something you’d never ever want to try but are simply turned on by in your mind. Then suggest that your partner do the same (no pressure though). Or just recount a dirty story you recently read. The fact that you’re having sex at the time will mean any awkward pauses can be filled with moans. And when you’re both distracted by physical pleasure, there’s less pressure for your fantasy to make narrative sense. Just a sentence or two here and there will get the point across.

Know when to hold themThere’s no rule that says you have to share every single dirty thought that crosses your mind. Maybe that fantasy you enjoy is hot precisely because nobody knows about it. Or if your partner’s the jealous type, then they don’t need to know that you occasionally imagine their best friend naked.

Em & Lo’s latest book is “SEX: How to Do Everything.” Visit EMandLO.com for your daily dose of sex, love, and everything in between.