Uncle Bea’s Diary: An apology to APM, get well soon Mr President and fire the barefaced Ghambi

“An apology is the superglue of life! It can repair just about anything!!” – Lynn Johnston.

Misinformation can be a menace, especially when the subject matter is a man lacking integrity as you or me.

When I wrote, in this worn out diary I inherited from my good think tank Raphael Tenthani that you have prolonged your stay in US where you went to attend a seven days UNGA session, I had been misinformed that you were enjoying the erotic lap dances of Las Vegas Strippers.

Well, given the scandals that have characterised your reign, and the company you keep, it seemed a plausible explanation. It is hard to argue against any insinuation that paints you as a sick sadist, perhaps because in a way that’s what you are.

Nonethless, I am an African. I pride myself in the values of Nelson Mandela, of truth, reconciliation and Ubuntu.

Hence, I can imagine the shame I put you through my dear President – although deep down I wonder if you felt any shame. I think given your record, shame is a commodity you do not possess.

I can name 100 things of the top of my head that show you have no shame. In fact, I like to describe you as a shamelessly shameless man like that Pinocchio cartoon I talked about in my last piece.

I gather from your DPP cadets that you were hurt. Ncooh, in a way that is sad. I am sorry though, I never meant to hurt you.

Little did I know my dear Professor Ndilibe Pulobulemu that you have been going through a series of operations as you are struggling to buy more breathing time from the First Gentleman of the universe.

I hear from well-placed sources that you were treated at ST. Georgia Hospital after you suffered cardiac arrest related illness and later had another operation on your shoulders. All these Professor are issues that have been making rounds.

I initially chose to treat them as mere rumours with no confirmed truth, but then came your errand boy Francis Kasaila that wasted his good English trying to refute the rumours.

Kasaila said you are “very strong and healthy,” saying opponents were simply trying to deceive Malawi and cause despondency. He was quoted by a local newspaper.

Now, for the first time since consistent black outs, your government has never taken time to refute rumours, but this special rumour caught your minister’s eye, strange.

I am afraid you are facing a battle you cannot win, a battle that not even your cadets or feared generals can save you from. Like I said before, sickness is a no laughing matter that is why I have chosen to put everything aside to wish you a very quick recovery Professor Pinocchio.

I am sorry I was not sensitive enough. If I had known that you are fighting for your life, I would have mocked you a little less.

What will an all-day black out Malawi do without you?
What will those corrupt ministers do without you?
Where will your once rumoured girlfriend Ben Phiri go to with his wealth gained in a blink of an eye?

Unlike you our dear president, you can afford operations in the US, but think of those average tax payers who depend on Mzimba Hospital that runs with an estimated cost of MK300 million for two months, apparently the very similar cost that you have spent in US with your DPP village on top of chartered jets. Think of such a person, how can they enjoy their sickness when you are sick too?

I chose to put everything aside and wish you a quick recovery so you can come back home and continue to sleep at Sanjika Palace while Malawi runs on auto pilot.

You are a greatest leader, a thinker and someone who enjoy jokes. You are very good at telling jokes to the suffering nation. “Eat Zitete” or “Zitchetche” still remains the most googled joke by the suffering Malawi, utilizing expensive internet data bundles. Talk about a double whammy?

I care so much about you and your health; I worry about your personal safety, and that of the nation. You are admittedly a very paranoid man, who always appears in public with full military protection.

Which is why I am shocked, that as you slept in agony, your boy Vincent Ghambi whom you entrusted the post of Deputy Defense minister was busy showing his ‘Machete’ like privates to a Sendera sister via an Imo call.

My dear Professor, when Malawi cried out loud that UNGA simply needs a delegation of just about ten people, they feared some of these shameless acts. The minister did not have anything to do and resorted to embarrassing you and the nation. Fire this minister.

Your prolonged stay has triggered a lot of rumours Professor. Come back home and put them to rest. Long live my dear President. You are doing a great job driving Malawi to the greatest suffering ever.

Let me rest my dear President before I finish all papers of my dearest diary. I still have more to write and I will continue to torture you with the cries of Malawians.

Water levels in lake Malawi and drying rivers did not started during this Peter Mutharika era, Lake Malawi water level dwindled to its lowest than any other period since the dawn of multiparty in 2001 when Bakili Muluzi was at the helm. Malawi population was directly proportion to electricity provision as it is supposed to be today WHY? Development policy formulators and implementers were supposed to provide for this within the scope of energy forecasting. The problem here is poor energy policy formulation all the way to relentless non directional vision. What about if the levels of lake Malawi keeps… Read more »

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1 year ago

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be humane

what all matters is the side of the coin you are holding and all your interpretations follows what you are seeing. What is tribalism in your sense? Do you mean people from where the president comes should suffer for fear of being seen as tribalistic? What analysis do you have on people in positions? I have hear many people just counting on number of lomwe people in various positions without counting the number of people from other tribes in other top positions. You only need a comparison to prove a point. Having 20 top officials from Thyolo and mulanje does… Read more »

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1 year ago

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be humane

Mr. Binwell, its just a matter of making from the article. Wisdom tell us that you dont go about responding to all romours about you becuase romour mongers never sleep. So its fololish to brand the president dull for not refuting romours. Sometimes, go deeper to look at problems a country is facing. Drying rivers and low water levels in Shire and lake Malawi are not caused by Peter Mutharika. Ask yourself why are we being hit hard by climate change, its actions of the past. Civil Societies fought for a stop of donor funding to their own country. How… Read more »

Santana and be human are very blind followers of dpp and the very dull professor who is failing even basics of governing, realy truth hurts, weather you want it or not this your Mutharika is very dull, theres nothing like dropping out of school here but getting the facts. This is a very failed president who is torturing Malawians, who is jacketing cashgate hullaballows. Cashgate started in 2008 when again a self styled dictator named anther Mutharika was at the helm of blind dpp supporters exaltation calling him mose walero, mpulumutsi forgeting God is the one who gave us good… Read more »

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1 year ago

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santana

So uncle Bae you think you can torture somebody on the hot seat with your writings? Ask Tenthani’s spirit and Bwande. These are good examples of the miserable failures when it comes to attempts to reduce both Mutharikas. Tenthani and Bwande tried their best to smear mud on the DPP and its leadership but after all the sweat the guys found themselves in a dustbin of failures. Mr Bae you are just torturing your brains if you think you will achieve your goal on APM. If it was possible I would ask you to asses the minds of DPP supporters… Read more »

Hmm . . . all those rumors about what the President is doing in the US! They don’t show much understanding of old people. I am old, so perhaps I can speak for my fellow elder. First of all, you shouldn’t imagine that old people dream of ending their days in an empty palace in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by enemies on one side and obsequious sycophants on the other. What we want is to be near our children and grandchildren. If I were the president, I would be preparing for my retirement in the US right now. I… Read more »

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1 year ago

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kanchenga

And yet some old men while enjoying the company of their grannies can get hold of a desperate national situation for the sake of their grannies. Sort it out and turn up to be a pride of their grannies. Unfortunately for us this old man is a total shame not only to the grannies but to all old men including some of us who are doing exactly what you have described here. On lighter note my friend isn’t it fun going shopping with the oldest driving the lest of you. Apparently his grannies don’t live here so they may not… Read more »

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1 year ago

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Chabuduka

Hit him harder ohhhhh!!!

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1 year ago

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be humane

When ignorance and rage guides the writer, wisdom flees. Why wasting your time to write all long wrong issues that fall short of intelligent writing. Its not your fault but your dropping out of school and the school you attended. I sympathise with you. Just one point. You are saying the president is battling with something which will not save his life but at the same time telling him to come back. Does that make sense? telling a critically ill patient to run out of hospital and come home? That is trying to pump sense in your writing. Its not… Read more »

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1 year ago

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kanchenga

He doesn’t have to run out of hospital he can ask to be taken home. He has experience in transporting critically ill patient. You remember he transported his brother to South Africa. Anyway as a nation we have a fool for for a president and insulting him farther will not change anything. After all he want even know that he is being tortured.It takes wisdom to know the cry of your children is a description of your failures. This one doesn’t have that wisdom. So uncle Bay save you time for normal people not this useless collection of blood and… Read more »