Masterchef – Fix that dish!

by Injera

We join our contestants in the aftermath of their pacify-the-sponsor challenge. Andrew and Kumar are getting ready for their elimination showdown. Andrew realises he has to be fighting fit for the challenge, so hopefully he’ll share his get-fit-in-two-hours secrets with us once he is booted at the end of this episode. Kumar is chatting with Sun, who seems to be very upset at the thought of losing him. We are shown a little bit more of each of their stories and Hayden tells us about what we’ve just seen, in case we have no short term memory. He also tells us what we are about to see, which is Shannon and Billy are getting ready for their reward. I check and see that this episode will go for an hour. I’m tipping 10 minutes of cooking, 20 minutes of ads, 10 minutes of Hayden’s predictions and 10 minutes of his summations. There will be 2 minutes of tasting and the remaining 8 minutes will be tears. Back to the house and Shannon is given this week’s opportunity to pretend that her excitement will be tempered by sadness at the prospect of losing Andrew. She promises to make a “discerned” effort to enjoy her reward. Hopefully some kind soul at SBS’s “Letters and Numbers” will send her a large Macquarie dictionary, out of pity.

Kumar is not ready to go home today. Quelle surprise! Neither is Andrew. Seriously? We are spending time on this? Can’t we just take it as read that the contestants want to be there? In a worrying development, Andrew reveals that his time on Masterchef has made him a stronger cook. Good lord – how did this man get through auditions?

We cut to Shannon and Billy in the helicopter. Shannon can’t think of anybody she’d rather share the experience with than Billy. In her whole life, there is not one person she’d rather be having a nice lunch and helicopter ride with than some random she met a couple of weeks prior on a reality show? Not even Andrew??? I… am defeated.

Shannon’s cleavage engulfs Stefano Manfredi, but he manages to extract himself to greet Billy, who lets us know that he’s been to Bells a number of times. In fact, I’m sure I’ve read one of his blog posts about it. Billy is quick to work in the required “Godfather” reference, so anybody playing cultural stereotypes at home can get their drink on. They pick some veg and then make spinach gnocchi with burnt butter sauce. They are pretty happy with their reward, and so they should be, but Shannon manages to get in another “but I’m sad for Andrew” moment. Maybe they get bonuses for hitting the talking points?

Back to the real action. Matt explains the purpose of an elimination challenge to Kumar and Andrew, just in case they have somehow forgotten why they donned the black aprons. Gary brings in a gleaming pot of something, which Kumar is immediately daunted by. His words. Andrew remarks that it smells like something he’s made, so perhaps the producers have decided that, since they are serving what is largely a shit sandwich to viewers this year, they might as well dish it up to their contestants, too. Dani upwardly inflects that it “smells quite meaty… like a stew?” which is not really much of an observation, when you think about it, but she looks as proud of herself as if she has just identified the secret ingredient of civet cat sweat glands.

Gary starts to reveal the dish, and Kumar is so well trained for the reaction shot that he gasps even before the inevitable fireball. Bless. We all know that it’s going to be Massaman curry, because that’s what it said in the guide, so we can all feel quite confident fast forwarding the ads. Just in case the prospect of seeing Candice Bergen in a House ad has completely fried out brains, Dani helpfully recaps that we are about to start an elimination challenge. Because she is such an expert on “Asian” cuisine, Dani is able to tell us that Kumar would be good at making a Massaman curry. She seems to find it astonishing that he’s never made one before. Andrew, on the other hand, makes it all. The. Time. He is confident of his own skills “in this area”. Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease let this be yet another example of Andrew’s complete lack of self-awareness when it comes to his culinary talents. I don’t think I can bear to see him get through another elimination unscathed.

Okay, let’s get cooking. Well, after Matt tells them that they have an array of ingredients available and Gary lets us know that the judges will be looking for the tastiest dish.

Rules:

eight steps

one ingredient per step

each ingredient can only be used once

contestants will take turns in adding an ingredient

Andrew, I fear, gives away the producers’ game by interviewing – rather cockily, given that he’s just told us that he makes this all the time – that he is the underdog against Kumar. My heart sinks. I doubt he would have been able to give that interview after a loss. Pleasepleasepleaseplease let me be wrong.

Andrew has had a revelation: “I just had to beat Kumar”. Guy’s a GENIUS.

Kumar is first – he goes for cashew nuts as a thickening agent. Gary and Matt whisper together that this is a suspicious move. Danielle doesn’t think Kumar’s plan is a good one. He says he’s not showing his hand, and Peter reveals that they call Kumar “the panther – you’ll never know when he’ll pounce”. Hee.

Andrew gets turmeric. Michael would have gone for potato. Actually, Michael should have gone for immunity in Busselton, but I guess I just have to get over that.

Kumar: shallots. Peter thinks this is a good idea. Kumar does the panther move again, which is… Nothing. I guess panthers do nothing, right?

Andrew: ginger. He loves ginger. Kumar would have used galangal. Andrew looks as though he wants to use the cleaver. On Kumar.

Guess what? Another freaking recap! Thanks, Kate. Does she mention what’s happened so far, in case you had to answer the phone, or add galangal to your massaman? No. She tells us THAT IT’S AN ELIMINATION CHALLENGE LIKE WE DIDN’T KNOW THAT ALREADY AAAAAAARGH!

Kumar: galangal. Peels, chops and purees it in the processor with the shallots. He still hasn’t added anything to his sauce. Andrew is confident.

Andrew: shallots. For sweetness. He chops them and puts them straight into the sauce, which seems weird. Surely… yes, Gary has confirmed that he should have cooked them and Adam is happy to back that up.

Kumar: coriander root. He adds this to his shallots and galangal. He now fries that off. Andrew is feeling great. Danielle helpfully informs us that they are doing things differently and that either could win. Sorry, did I say “helpfully”? I meant “redundantly”.

Andrew: coriander. I miss what he does with this because this is Jay’s turn to shine. “What?” I hear you ask. “He’s not even in this elimination!” Ah, but the editors can’t let us get through a whole episode without the Wisdom of Jay. That would be cheating us of an important revelation. He would have added potatoes and peanuts by now. Has he been reading Matt’s cue cards? Danielle thinks it’s agonising that nobody seems to know what they’re doing. I wonder how she’s survived so far, because cluelessness is hardly a new development in this show.

Andrew adds the meat to his sauce and the general opinion is that he’s waited too long. Matt tastes his and agrees that there are some good flavours. Gary tastes Kumar’s and raises his eyebrows in what Kumar interprets as a positive nod.

Kumar: lime. Danielle thinks it’s too early for this. So does Andrew.

Andrew: palm sugar. Well, he did say he’d get the sweetness and saltiness in first.

Kumar: palm sugar.

Matt and Gary are concerned about the lack of potatoes, peanuts and coconut milk.

Andrew: fish sauce.

Kumar: fish sauce.

There’s some discussion of how the curries are going so far, and – with two ingredients left to choose – Andrew announces that he only needs one more ingredient. There’s a gasp of horror from around the balcony.

Andrew: lime.

Kumar: goes shopping for his final ingredient. Potato? Coconut milk? Panther blood? Alana tries to send coconut vibes to the Koom, but she sends fireball instead. Gary and Matt try to build the tension over Kumar’s agonising decision, but Adam shoots that down by interviewing that “he’s taken about a minute and a half” to decide. Not even enough time for a Glee promo, then.

He finally grabs the coconut cream.

Andrew: suddenly realises that elimination is riding on the challenge. WHAT? Where has he been? Look, just a hint to the editors – next year, show the contestants the endless recaps, not the viewers. We are far better clued in to this process than they are. Anyway, he decides to take the eighth step he was so disdainful of a few minutes back, and grabs some coconut cream.

We get a lot of unnecessary speculation about whose is better from the peanut gallery. And then tasting? Not so fast… I’d forgotten that we had to have the drawn out second-guessing, potato-less recriminations and last goodbyes before the actual judging.

Assessment
Andrew: meat dry, not braised enough. Bright and vibrant, with a well-reduced sauce.
Kumar: Matt takes a MUCH bigger chunk of this curry. Texture not smooth enough, spiciness good.

Both dishes are improvements over the original. Andrew’s is big and vibrant with gutsy flavours. Kumar’s meat is far more tender and the curry has creaminess, but that is offset by the “squeaky” texture.

Decision
Split decision. I’m not even kidding. Now apparently it comes down to which one has done the “best job”. Given that we haven’t been told what that means, this gives the judges leeway to spin it whichever way they want. How will they do that? Fireball.

(Am I the only person who finds the sexy-voice of the Good Wife ad narrator over the top? At least we won’t be have to see that again.)

KUMAR IS THROUGH! Never have I been so glad to be wrong. Goodbye, Andrew. He threatens to open his own bistro. He’s happy to have cooked against Kumar, because he respects him and blathers on about not wanting to cook against someone who doesn’t deserve to be there. Projection, much? Wow.

Kumar offers to be a kitchen hand. He’s so charming. Andrew’s response – “sure, why not?” – comes off as decidedly ungracious to me. Still, he’s leaving with the misguided idea that he has achieved a lot, so that’s something.

Kumar’s return is warmly greeted by all. Shannon is pleased that he’s back, but is “mortified” that Andrew’s gone. Crimes against the English language are only exceeded by crimes against food in this show. (And I know I should proof-read this even more carefully now that I’ve decided to be pettily judgemental about Shannon’s capacity for expression, but… eh, schadenfreude. Enjoy it if you find mistakes.) Hayden names Kumar the “Kumanator”. This takes me back to a more innocent time, when Terminator references weren’t accompanied by smirks about housemaids and love-children. Thanks for that, Hayden!

Andrew has a lovely kitty cat and is looking for work in a commercial kitchen.

Nice recap Injera…. wonderful read – had a good old giggle!! Love the helicopter comments! I know why Shannon was so “mortified” by Andrew’s loss – his Mrs is a dead ringer for her!! Maybe they had it ‘goin on’ and she wanted him to see her in her fancy blue number!

Thank God Kumar is safe but I am afraid he will be going at some stage. He doesn’t has enough ‘wow’ factor in his cooking. But such a dearie.

Actually at one of the immunity or elimination challenge, Shannon also wore a baby doll dress-very short and look more like a sleepwear. I was surprised that no one commented on it. But then again she was only in the background.

Can’t stand those at the peanut gallery. As if they know how to fix the dish. So scripted again. Would have love to see how Danille fix it.

Fun recap. Glad to see someone as annoyed at the redundant contestant interviews as I am: it’s been bugging me throughout all seasons of this show. I have to say, though, that at least we actually got to hear some of the cooking decisions being made.

I was pleased with the result not just because I think Andrew is a bit creepy and wound too tight and Kumar is a sweetie but because of the consistency of the meat: braising it to make it more tender should have been a no-brainer and I thought that was a key reason why Andrew was an easy pick to get whacked.
One of my main gripes with this challenge is that I don’t consider mussaman curry to be a staple that should be in every cook’s repertoire. Therefore, I would have liked to see them provide a final “correct” curry to indicate what they should be shooting for. I suppose that would have given away the potatoes and peanuts but they still would have had to get the consistency of the sauce and the spice combo.

“Because it’s a tie, our choice can only come down to one logical thing… which one of you are we more horrified at the thought of tasting more dishes from? That’d be you Andrew. Goodbye.”

As I’ve mentioned before, I’d probably skip a few weeks if Kumar got eliminated, but even he’s just a minorly engaging fellow at best. I bet a lot of people who decried people like Aaron and Jonathan from last year wish they were in this season, just to give it some personality. I’m starting to think I’m going to have to start stocking defibrillators next to my tv just so I can be resuscitated after yet another sloooooooowwwwww episode with droning cliches from the dull cast lulls my heartbeat to a stop.

Littlepetal – Do you think the peanut gallery had been told to shut up tonight (with their help for the contestants; obviously not with their “expert” commentary)? Seemed strange that they weren’t yelling out “POTATOES!” if they hadn’t been told not to. Agree that Kumar won’t go much further, but he does come across as quite lovely. Glad he won tonight.

Janice – Excellent point about the familiarity of the challenge dish. Yes, I’ve eaten mussaman/massaman curries, but have only ever cooked them with prepared pastes, so it’s not like I’d know what the “alaments” are. I like your idea of presenting the finished dish to aim for.

Paul – “out of his depth” sums it up perfectly.

AnonyMousse – so true. We don’t know what we’ve got ’til it’s gone. They paved the paradise of last year and put up this year’s parking lot.

Carmen – wish I hadn’t deleted the recording. I really want to see Andrew’s wife, now!

Oh, and Littlepetal, that is so true! I’d love to set your challenge to the judges.

Thanks Injera. I missed watching it, but now feel like I have lived through every excruciating contestant recap – but in a good way
I noticed on the last few episodes that they seem to have recast Jay from contestant to judge.

“Shannon’s cleavage engulfs Stefano Manfredi, but he manages to extract himself to greet Billy” stop it Injera!! Stuff just came out of my nose then. Didn’t someone in the house, cant remember who it was, comment on whether her dress was helicopter-
friendly?

It’s funny how the peanut gallery were silent tonight, other than the to camera interviews. Maybe they are only allowed to yell out if it one of their own against a celebrity chef, and not one of their own against another one of their own??

Well, Kumar lives to see another day, and yes thats good news, and dont get me wrong I love the guy, but to be honest he hasnt really done anything outstanding since the original coconut curry from the early desert island challenge. I know the rest of you think it is lame, but I cracked up when Hayden called him the Kumanator, I like it!! I thought it was clever. However, whilst we are on the subject of Hayden, I’d be shining up that ammunity pin if I were him. Things are getting a bit tougher, and he would look like a right tit if he was eliminated with that thing stuck in his noggin!!

Boring. And Mehairgone’s face pulling at Andrew, pathetic. Glad Kumar stayed but he will really have to up his game to hang around much longer.
And I agree, get these judges cooking Asian food. Big fail I bet.

So just what goes through the head of a producer when he/she decides to stick in another recap? I mean they must know it is going to bore the bejesus out of anyone with an IQ over 60. Or maybe they did work experience on docos for retirement villages – you know, reaching the target market of the memory challenged.

I used to look forward to my sit down each evening to watch MC and I even flogged out a few of the MC dishes on my stove. Ah, those were the good ol’days, when MC was about the food and budgies were kept in cages.

Bestest quote ever Injera!!! “but she looks as proud of herself as if she has just identified the secret ingredient of civet cat sweat glands”.” Pure gold!

Injera – I am with you on that sexy-voice lady, ugh. All channel ten promo ‘enticers’ use voices ridiculously thick with innuendo. What’s that about? It puts me off any thoughts I might have had of checking one of their other shows out.

Who on earth do Ten think their average viewer is? It’s as if the head honchos sent out a memo reminding all staff – especially the editors of this year’s Masterchef – that we are all of subnormal intelligence with the memories of goldfish.

I think they’ve used the Biggest Loser editors this year, never the most subtle people, and told them we are an even thicker bunch so trowel it on. Kindergartners could follow this program with more savvy than they assume we possess. I mean did they have to say ten times, one way or another, through numerous glove-puppets, ‘This is an elimination challenge’. It’s kind of obvious. Even if you were passed out, comatose, or dead, you’d catch on, wouldn’t you?! But, happiness! Kumar the inscrutable lives another day.

If you are an overweight girl like Shannon then you do not really have big breasts just excess body fat. Squashing it up into everyones faces draws attention to how fat you are. Bleh.
Also whenever she talks I get so bored I nearly fall asleep.

my query is-given how bloody scripted the show so obviously is…did no-one think to correct Shannon’s excruciating…. “mortified”…. blooper??? which actually,she might be, if she ever gets around to reading what will no doubt be many comments/blogs/threads on tonight’s episode!!!

They should have just gotten Andrew’s seafood mousse as the dish to fix. That way, Andrew would have actually tasted it, but I reckon he would have thought it tasted pretty good already, clueless as he’s shown himself to be. I swear Gary had a little glint in his eye watching Andrew eating and gagging over the initial curry. But I’m glad he never “remembered” those potatoes – how would the judges have been able to save Kumar if it came down to choosing something vaguely authentic?

Very underwhelming from both eliminees tonight, Kumar was lucky he improved his meat because that was all that kept him in. Granted, Sri Linka is not really close to Thailand but he should have had a better stab at this challenge than he managed. Thank goodness Andrew has gone, he really was sub-par. My best bit was seeing how much his cat loved him, that was so cute and anyone who can induce that sort of unconditional love must be ok.
Why do they ask the contestants to constantly recap events as if we haven’t just watched it, very annoying. Good to see that Michael has managed to squeeze in a haircut, but who took Shannon shopping and told her she looked good in that dress? That is just mean – where are Trinny and Susannah when you need them?

@davsimp Had to go back to verify my shaky memory but the peanut gallery has definitely been helpful in elimination rounds: in the Coconut Cherry Bombe Alaska elimination with Billy, Ellie and Alex in which Alex got whacked, they reminded Billy that he needed to put flour in his sponge.

@Jess: I don’t think it’s racist to assume that someone with an ethnic background is going to cook his own culture’s food better than someone who did not grow up with it. Also, he’s cooked curries when he’s had the option of cooking something on his own.

@Janice Yes, but it’s not his own culture’s food – it was a thai curry. It’s like expecting someone from China to be able to make great sushi because they’re Asian and it’s an Asian (Japanese) dish. Or expecting an Italian to know how to make the Chinese fanqie jidan because Italians cook with tomatoes all the time, and fanqie jidan has tomatoes in it.

@AnonyMousse Perhaps I’m showing my own ethnic ignorance – I just assumed that someone from a culture that uses spice blends would still have an advantage over someone who doesn’t. Then again, Andrew said he’d cooked one before and Kumar hadn’t, so put me in the stereotyping column, I guess…

I can’t remember from other years but maybe “fix that dish” is the one thing the peanut gallery is instructed to shut up for. After all if they could yell out coconut milk-potatoes-peanuts it would all be over pretty quickly.
Andrew’s smoochy kitty obviously loves him, as does his wife who looked lovely.

>>Thank God Kumar is safe but I am afraid he will be going at some stage. He doesn’t has enough ‘wow’ factor in his cooking. But such a dearie.
My thinking exactly, littlepetal.

I thought it was beyond strange that Andrew seemed to boast that he had made massaman curries galore, yet could not see the basic alaments of potatoes, coconut cream (until shown the way by Kumar) and peanuts. Confabulating perhaps?

There is something far worse than the voice-over in The Good Wife Ads and that is the Offspirng ad pitched for guys. Shudder.

Most interesting thing from last night and maybe I was hallucinating was Dani’s body language in the house. When Shannon and Billy said farewell, Dani deliberately kept her back turned. Anyway, at this rate they should have MasterChef House Up Late with Gretel because this year is not about the cooking.

What was with the Apprentice style car interview at the end. I don’t recall seeing one before.

I think the recaps are in lieu of a voice – over (which Masterchef UK uses) – they drive me insane.
I happily watch a lot of reality shows (particularly the BravoTV generated shows) and they don’t have contestants recap OR replay the footage shown before the ad break. The only times I can think the replay of action is done is just before the elimination – Project Runway when Heidi is about to AufWeidersehen someone stright after the ad and Top Chef when Padma reveals who is packing their knives.
The great thing about the contestants’ pieces to camera is that they give additional opinion/insight into what we are seeing of the show rather than recapping it. I think it is really poor production and must improve if MC is going to hold their audience and more importantly their advertising.
I would love to see a poll here RR – how many watch it live vs IQ/TIVO and fast forward the repeated content (and therefore the ads) – how would Coles, HandeeUltra, Masterfoods etc feel about forking out the big bucks for ad space that is not watched AT ALL?

Jess – totally agree “awkward” is a great way to describe that culturally cringeworthy moment.

@Paul I’d rather see every bit of cooking, including stirring pots, then have contestant interview snippets that review what we’ve just seen (“And then Kumar grabbed the coconut cream”), explain stuff that’s already been explained (“Then Matt told us we only had 10 minutes”) or that say blatantly obvious things (“I really want to win this challenge”; “I’m not ready to go home”). The only contestant interview snippets I ever want to see are ones that provide some insight about why contestants did certain things.

Agreed that this particular elimination challenge was a bit slow, but I get especially annoyed in other episodes when time is used for ridiculously stupid interview snippets and we only see less than half of the dishes that contestants have actually cooked.

Had to rewatch the end to see the cat – had noticed the gorgeous dog initially but yeah, that cat snuggling up to Andrew was heartwarming stuff.

Warming to Alana more and more – at first I thought she was pretty tightly wound, but liked how she handled her loss of control during the challenge on Wednesday, and now I’m liking her even more after her genuine delight at seeing Kumar back. The group (bar Shannon) all leapt up to embrace him, but Alana had an enormous beam there and nearly swallowed him up in her hug, not her cleavage though.

And I don’t know if this has been linked before – apologies if it has, but this blog does great recaps of MC. The pictures/captions are inspired.

@ Seepi-Yes, we do get the weird worker friends! We assume that SC Ten wants its own regional bedtime buddy to join Prime Possum et al on the other channels.
Or its a really bad pilot for a Hi-5 esque group….

@Fides Thanks for the link to that blog – funny stuff. My favorite quote was from the frozen/tinned foods challenge: “Andrew is feeling deflated. This happens every time. How does he keep re-inflating?”

Crystal – yeah I don’t get the Hayden love either. He doesn’t compare to those Bondi Rescue lifeguards – if only one of them cooked…And he reminds me too much of Lleyton Hewitt. But I read that he is also a qualified marine biologist who did well at uni apparently – see I’d find that more appealing than the (cough) brawn they’re portraying him as. Interestingly, he said the job he wanted as a marine biologist never panned out so I’m thinking he got knocked back by Seaworld…

@Fides Thanks for the link – I was out of the country for that one so I enjoyed the recap both here and there. The Julie photo and caption is indeed a classic, plus some great quotes. (“Ellie is at a huge disadvantage, due to not being alive in the eighties.” :-> )

Sure the Masterchef editor should see a Dr soon before it’s too late to get on the good drugs for Alzie’s. Hilarious recap, thanks. Can’t stop singing that old jazz song, ‘All that meat and no potatoes’.