It is as though someone has drilled peep holes into the walls of emergency rooms, operating rooms and doctors' offices. I can't look away.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Fantasy Stock Market for Blogs

I stumbled across this the other day:

"BlogShares is a fantasy stock market where weblogs are the companies. Players invest fictional dollars on shares in blogs. Blogs are valued by their incoming links and add value to other blogs by linking to them. Prices can go up or down based on trading and the underlying value of the blog."

Players get a fictional $500 to invest in the blogs. I didn't spend much time there, but did notice that ATM and some other familiar blogs were listed. I've avoided going back to learn more about it. No way I can afford another time killer.

Medical Joke Week hasn't exactly cheered me up, but it's not from lack of jokes. Here's some more jokes from my comment section and e-mail. Thanks y'all. (Yes, I'm taking the easy way out again by posting jokes. I tried writing a post, but no matter what the topic, everything I wrote ended with "fuck you and the horse you rode in on." Blogging should not be done while dazed and confused.)

From MD/PHD Student:

A neurosurgeon, fresh out of residency, was driving down the road in his 1995 Honda Accord when he sees a genie bottle on the side of the road. Having paid attention in 4th grade he decides to give the bottle a rub and sure enough a genie magically appears. The genie grants him three wishes but declares that whatever he ask for every lawyer in the world gets double. After thinking for a moment and considering how much he had just paid for malpractice insurance he decides that he can live with that for three wishes.

For his first wish he ask for a Black Ferrari and poof he gets a black Ferrari. But, now every lawyer in the world gets 2 black Ferraris. For his second wish he ask for 100 million dollars and poof he gets 100 million dollars. But, now every lawyer in the world gets 200 million dollars. After thinking long and hard about his third and final wish… The generous young neurosurgeon says, “I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney.” And poof, out comes one of his kidneys…

“That should take care of all the lawyers” he says to the genie while climbing into his new Ferrari with $100 million sitting in the passenger seat.

From 911Doc:

a man goes into the doctor as he has been feeling ill. the doctor runs some tests and tells him to come back in a week. a week passes and the man, still feeling ill, comes back to meet his physician. "well sir, i've got some good news and some bad news for you, which would you like to hear first?" the doctor asks.

"uh, the bad news i guess," says the patient."

"okay," the doc says, "you've got a particularly aggressive form of pancreatic cancer and you will be dead within a month no matter what we do... i'm sorry," says the doc.

"wow," (sob, whimper), says the patient, "i guess i could really use some good news now... what is the good news?"

the doctor replies, "well sir... did you notice my secretary out front? the one with the very large melons and the legs that go on forever?"

"uh... yes... i did notice her... what's the good news?" asks the patient.

"i'm fucking her," says the doc.

From Lynn Price:

A doctor, an architect, and an attorney were dining at the country club one day, and the conversation turned to the subject of their dogs. A wager was placed on who had the most intelligent dog.

The physician offered to show his dog first, and called to the parking lot, "Hippocrates, come!" Hippocrates ran in, and was told to do his stuff. Hippocrates ran to the golf course and dug for a while, producing a number of bones. He dragged the bones into the country club, and assembled them into a complete, fully articulated human skeleton. The physician patted Hippocrates on the head, and gave him a cookie for his efforts.

The architect was only marginally impressed, and called, "Sliderule, come!" Sliderule ran in, and was told to do his stuff. The dog immediately chewed the skeleton to rubble, but reassembled the fragments into a scale model of the Taj Mahal. The architect patted his dog and gave him a cookie.

The attorney watched the other two dogs, and called, "Bullshit, come!" Bullshit entered and was told to do his stuff. Bullshit immediately sodomized the other two dogs, stole their cookies, auctioned the Taj Mahal replica to the other club members for his fee, and went outside to play golf.

8 comments:

Guy's been feeling bad, goes to his doctor, who orders a bunch of tests. After time to get it all done, the guy is back in the doctor's office for the results. "Joe," the doc says, "I've found out the problem. Actually, it's two things, and it's not good." "Tell me, Doc." "You have cancer, and you have Alzheimer's," says the doc. Joe says, "Well, at least it's not cancer."

Now that made me laugh out loud. Thank you. It's going to be Friday's Joke of the Day. BTW I love your current series of posts. I've been printing them out so I can give them a proper reading. I would have left a comment, but you know how it is...

They often ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is very embarrassing. There's nothing worse than a doctor's receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.

An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk....The receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today??" "There's something wrong with my dick," he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that." "Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.

The receptionist replied; "Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the doctor in private." The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone."

The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes??" "There's something wrong with my ear," he stated. The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir??" "I can't piss out of it," he replied.

very funny. the dog joke has something to do with the general opinion of lawyers (present company excluded). one joke i love is:-you walk into a room. there in front of you is osama bin laden, adolf hitler and a lawyer. you have a gun, but only two bullets. what do you do?? the answer, of course is you shoot the lawyer...twice.

Funny, funny...I've actually heard the medical receptionist/dick one before. And I've heard of the blogshares site. Not sure how but it showed up in my WP stats as a referral site. Erm...I'm not registered there? Whatever. I still don't understand the valadity of stats tracking...even with WP.