Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Today, I visited my daughter at her school in the morning. A few weeks ago, my husband and I had recieved a hand-drawn invite to the Guitar Concert her class was practising for...Dear Dady and mum, it said, Brunel Class invites you to their Guitar Concert on 27th June 2012, at 10:30 A.M...
I was curious about her co-curricular activities at school, and had eagerly waited to see how she felt about performing! Shivangi has difficulties with expressive and receptive language, social interaction and with her fine and gross motor skills like writing, running, jumping, walking etc.... (these are the words of experts, who have supported, studied and 'assessed' her SEN so far...) but, like all children, she loves music and will rock and nod her body and head to a tune she likes... Sometimes, she bursts into tears and tells me to stop singing and at other times she gives me a big hug and a kiss on my hand as I sing, cooking their breakfast or walking them to school! ...What can I say; she's uniquely mine!!

Shivangi, all smiles after her concert at school today.

So, it was doubly important for me to see her do something she clearly enjoyed and tried to do her best with...! The concert was beautiful, and all the children played really well! I could see that they all loved it, and were proud and elated to put up the concert for their parents. Many of the parents had missed appointments, breakfast, and walked for a good half hour to be there and the pride was visible in their grins of delight and the enthusiastic applause.. Shivangi, while struggling with the strumming at times, definitely seemed like she loved what she was doing! She had a great big smile on her little face and, from behind the kids in the front row, she sneaked me smiles and kisses before they began playing. To say that my heart swam with joy is not off the mark... it a feeling every parent will relate to, no matter what their child is doing, so long as they are enjoying themselves...
They played a few songs, and the kids struck the chords well, then it was time for us parents to be introduced to the beauty of music, as the kids sang and demonstrated PULSE, RHYTHM, TONE and PITCH, and played a few more songs- reggae and country- to show us their kind of music they had been listening to.
Andy, the guitar and music teacher is a great guy, and the kids played with him well; he took them through the demo and smiled encouragingly so the kids felt at ease. Later, as we chatted about sourcing a guitar for the kids, he answered my questions about how and where to get a good kids' guitar, so that their small hands can reach across without a struggle! Its Shivangi's birthday next week and I wanted to get her something she would cherish during her childhood... My own parents inculcated in us a love for music, and so Keya di got her first tuned piano toy when she was little, followed by Me and Diggi who had a keyboard, and we learned to play the sitar(me) and tabla (him) at school when little.
I recollect that Harit and you got together largely due to your shared love of music, and its a terrific inheritance for Raina. The fact that you have so much variety in your musical repertoire, is amazing and a great learning tool besides...! Love an happy music-ing!!
Ruch

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

On many occassions, at high or low points in my life, I've dwelt on the meaning or implication or the phrase, "I cried because I had no shoes, until I saw a man who had no feet.." What it signifies to me is that, basically, joy and sorrow are the byproducts of our OWN mind. Let me explain. In the armed forces, many a soldier lives from day-to-day, always following orders, undergoing rigorous training, and pushing their bodies to the limits of endurance.... Are they happy?? Or sad...?? All I know is that in that position, as my brother says, one is just happy to eat a meal, sleep for four-five hours or have a quick shower!!
For me, life is to be lived with no regrets.... if, going back, you feel you did not do something right somewhere, then its time to have a re-think, and talk things through with all those who were a part of the decision, or were and are affected by it...It is the reason why I try to talk to Raj about the slightest nagging restlessness of my heart and mind. To his credit, he can spot at once if things are not right and will ask me outright, what the matter is... On some occassions, the talk stops mid-way, like a boatman who loses the oars midstream, or a swimmer who finds his arms and legs frozen...
I then let it go, and things don't get resolved, only more complicated....
Often, when I feel I am sad or down, and can't take things anymore, I visit a friend or, in extreme situations, the doctor, who patiently listen, offer support, maybe even a solution or two... But as I am not one to push people around, or force them to do things they may be unhappy with, I just feel my stress melt away after I talk to my father or my brother... Life has taught me something; never cause yourself pain and internal suffering, from the words of others; just let it go sweeping over your head! Whenever I feel my situation is unbearable, I thik of my dearest Keya di- so far away, so alone and cut-off, and yet she remains happy- I always hear the smile in her voice when I cal her, and she make my day by sending me a mail from across the oeans, every once in a while...
She is strong, stoic, supportive and terrific... in all, I am but a shadow of her, as she goes about her life living to make her family happy and joyous, even at the cost of her own happiness...
Sometimes life, itself, gives us a silent lesson and teaches us a thing or two...
I'm just learning to listen and learn...
In your post you wrote about how you and Raina went for a morning walk and connected over a children's movie...I was smiling when I read that...! Thank you for sharing a wonderfully simple idea with me! I also take the girls out to the park fairly early on sundays, and we all love the fresh air and they enjoy playing there. I miss Raj and wish he would wake up around nine and come with us too, but he is not a morning person... My biggest solace is the fact that I, at least, am able to go out with them and do as I please.. It is these moments which are so precious! I'm learning something each time I read your post...so keep them coming!
Be happy ALWAYS!

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Whenever I come upon a certain day in the year, each year, there is only one burning thought in my mind- am I really alive!? Alive in the actual sense of the word, the way mother nature wishes us to be?? ...Alive to my surroundings, to the feelings of others, their needs, my own needs, our collective happiness, and joy etc!? Not just happiness that comes from eating a good meal or watching a film, but joy within, in my essential being- joy that makes me and my loved ones feel blissful and at peace...

This day, today, is the 36th, maybe give or take a decade. Simply because, growing up, I never really dwelt on the finer points of life like I do now...now that I have my own children and watch my life's joys intertwined with their everydays!! I always spend this day thinking about my parents, secretly thanking the Lord for giving me the parents He did. My father, strong, simple, placid and calm, and a rock anyone can lean on! My mother, pretty much the same, only as flexible and as strong as a reed of willow by a lake, so that she withstood the toughest times in her life with Dad by her side and they both, together, gave me and my siblings a lesson in life like no one else can.

What can I say about my mother that I've not said before..?? She is the one who bore me, gave me life, and not having her around now for the last 17 years has been very hard.... I remember her telling me about how she was rushed to the hospital, and I was born prematurely...Dad was away on Temporary Duty with the Indian Air Force..... My uncle was the one who was called and told that I was a girl, all of three pounds, and he imagined they were talking of a child with a third leg!! ( पाँव or paun in hindimeans leg) I can imagine his relief when he actually saw me that day!! My mother would talk to me when I was growing up, and would ask her what she remembered about the day I was born... and I remember how she told me she felt horrified and indignant when women and relatives asked her in gujarati months after I was born, "છોરી જીવે સે!?" ( or "..is your girl still alive, then!?" )

I think of my father, how he has coped all these years, alone, and yet in bliss... and how hard it is for me to imagine myself in his position... That I am learning something from him everyday is an understatement... in fact, every time I think of him, he inspires me beyond measure....! He has such tremendous faith in me, that it gives me confidence to simply BE!! He is all I have now, of both of them, and in some way, he is both father and mother to me now- such is our rapport.

Each time this day rolls around, I think of my father and mother and whether or not they would be proud and happy with the way I have conducted my life thus far... I think I know, deep down, that the answer is what keeps me going and trying to better myself, and make amends when all seems to be lost or whenever I feel weak or helpless... I am lucky to have the love and blessings of my parents today, as are all the children in the world...I love life so much because it was a gift from them... and I can confidently say 'I will survive' anything, any situation, simply because their upbringing has equipped me with the necessary values and lessons to be a fighter and a soldier; I can love and I can also let go...but most of all, I feel privileged to be their daughter...

Thinking of you, Mummy and Dad, on my 36th birthday, I hope and pray that someday, you both will have good reason to be proud of me!! Till then, I shall strive to better myself each day and every time that I feel I could have done it 'just right' with a bit more effort! Please accept my most loving and sincere pranams to you both for being my parents in this life...