Today is the first official business day of the new year and wow — not so good! Bad already. Maybe it's the impending blizzard or the accelerated volume of post-holiday Tweets, but right now the Internet feels especially soul-crushing. How are we going to make it?

I was worried. I worry about Kim constantly. Sometimes I stay up at night thinking about her, wondering if she's safe, if she has enough to eat, if she's warm, whether her latest selfies turned out okay.