"We should speak clearly, forthrightly and call our leaders back to honesty. We should demand the truth, and refuse to be put to sleep. And those 'leaders' who play those games must also be put to shame, and out to pasture."
RC Sproul Jr on "Spin" in Every Thought Captive, Vol. 5, Issue 5

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Hero Of The Faith RC Sproul Jr

Every year St. Peter Presbyterian Church (founded by RC Sproul Jr.) has a Reformation Day Celebration at the community center in Mendota, Virginia. The women folk bring their hand-made crafts and baked goods and offer them up for sale. There's music and dancing. The air is thick with the smoke of cigars and pipe tobacco. There are large kegs of beer (30 gal size) and some of the men pass around their whiskey bottles (the more discrete pass around hip flasks). Libations of beer, wine, and whiskey flow liberally, including among the children who partake of the punch bowl (spiked with Everclear).

Visitors, some who have come from many miles away, have often expressed shock at the spectacle of such goings on; but RC Jr actively encourages it in the name of "Christian liberty." To any who object to RC Sproul Jr's church keggers, and the prodigious quantities of booze that he encourages be consumed, he simply retorts, "We're Presbyterians, so we smoke and drink." Baptists need not apply.

Membership does have its privileges in more ways than just being able to get liquored up at church functions. If you become a member of St. Peter Presbyterian Church
you qualify to purchase your very own hand-crafted set of "Heroes Of The Faith" pillows. Such is the cult-like devotion many members of St. Peter Presbyterian Church have for RC Sproul Jr that he has his very own "Hero of the Faith" pillow crafted in his honor.

We
recommend that you display your pillows prominently, just as you see them
displayed in the picture above, with hero of the Reformed Faith R.C. Sproul, Jr.
positioned at the center of lesser Reformed lights, John Calvin and Martin
Luther.

With your Heroes Of The Faith pillows on display in
your home, R.C. Sproul, Jr. will be really impressed with your devotion to him when he comes to
visit. Several St. Peter families have pillow shrines in their homes and
have received much comfort and inspiration by spending quiet times of
reflection with their pillows.

Pastor RC Sproul Jr. will be doubly impressed if you
also keep your frig well stocked with good hearty beer for when he comes
a callin'. As RC is fond of saying, "In most churches when they say,
'Hide the beer, the pastor's here,' they mean it one way. But here at
St. Peter we mean it just the opposite way."

Not too worry about running out though. Just be sure to keep a full bottle of Scotch on hand for backup in case pastor RC drinks all your beer.

2 Comments:

From everything we've heard from friends who've been to Saint Peter and witnessed all the boozing we know your story about Reformation Day celebrations must be true. But heros of the faith pillows? Come on! This is some kind of satire, right? There's no way that R.C. Jr. would let someone make and sell pillows in his honor. In spite of his personal issues we always thought he was a lot more humble than that. And why is R.C. given the title "Dr." on his pillow but Calvin and Luther aren't?

Ernie, the only part of this story that's satire is about the "pillow shrines." Everything else is entirely accurate. Good catch, btw, on seeing that only RC Sproul Jr was given the title "Dr." Why did it happen? For the same reason he is positioned front and center of Calvin and Luther. It's for good reason that so many people have accused St. Peter Presbyterian Church of being a cult and RC Sproul Jr of being a cult leader.

One can only assume your impressions of RC Jr's alleged humility come from your assessment of his writings, not from personal experience with the man himself. In point of fact RC Sproul Jr is a very arrogant man.

RC was entirely fine about the young lady making and selling her "heroes of the faith" pillows, especially the one with him on it. In fact her table was directly across from RC's table, so it's impossible that he could have missed it. Aside from pillows she also had other "heroes of the faith" items, including wall hangings and table cloths. RC saw it all and rather than grimacing he was proud as a peacock about it.