Mar 26, 2009

Leave Spidey Alone!

Poor Spider-man has had it pretty rough in this past few years. Aunt May got shot and then a ill-advised wish altered his universe so that he was never married to Mary-Jane. While this was going on, moviegoers everywhere had to suffer the atrocity that was Sam Raimi's "Spider-Man 3." Of course, fans of the comic books felt that watching the first two films of the trilogy was torture enough. No one wants to see their favorite webslinger reduced to the mopey, unlikeable geek of a character that Tobey MacGuire portrayed him as. I missed Spidey's witticisms and sarcasm, and I wanted to see the substance that the comic books have always contained .

Now, however, the world is doing Peter Parker his greatest wrong. You might ask me what could be worse than "Spider-Man 3?" Well, I regretfully inform you that "Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark" is set to be seen on Broadway in February 2010 as a musical. No, your eyes have not deceived you. A Spider-man musical.

I went through a range of emotions upon hearing this. First, I denied it. It just couldn't be possible. Why would anybody want to do this? I became furious. This is a disgrace to Spider-man and a disgrace to theater! I prayed that it wasn't true, that it might get scrapped (I'm still hoping for that one). And now, I just find the thought thoroughly depressing.

I'm grieving the death of my favorite superhero, the character that got me hooked on comics. I haven't quite moved on to acceptance, though. How can I with the knowledge that Bono (U2) will be destroying Spidey with corny lyrics and music? The movies failed to capture the essence of Spider-man, so how does anyone expect Bono to do that any better? It was painful enough watching Peter Parker dance for 2 minutes in "Spider-Man 3," and 2 hours of it will be excruciating.

Move over Venom, Carnage, and all the rest of you villains. Spider-man lovers trying to make a buck off of him are doing more to destroy him than any of his worst enemies.

A taste of what the musical could potentially be like: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQ9r8dE7_iY&feature=related