Burn Your Khakis When You Graduate

College kids entering the workforce are retarded when it comes to fashion. The problem is that guys either try too hard or not at all. You’ve got Mark Zuckerberg showing off his closet that enables him to “focus on more important decisions” in life, and on the other end of the spectrum, you’ve got people creating charts to help color-coordinate suits with every conceivable color and style of shoes. Both are equally pretentious.

Men’s fashion is really just a function of risk-reward. Guys need to be pragmatic, live in the safe zone, and keep it simple. So, here’s some practical fashion advice for when you have to start looking like an adult:

Business Attire

• If your suit is too distinctive, your colleagues will remember it as the one you wear all the time. You can’t go wrong with a two-button, notched-lapel suit. It’s a classic look that fits nearly every body type.
• In terms of color, keep it to various shades of gray and navy, with a few varieties of pinstripes. That’s all you need. Brown suits are for back office guys.
• Pocket squares are for guys who build a three-layer toilet paper nest before making number two. What kind of idiot has to shit in public anyway?
• No pleats and no cuffs. Cuffed pants are for limo drivers.
• A belt is generally optional, but in the United States, you should wear one.
• If you can’t tie a decent tie knot, people will assume you grew up poor with a deadbeat dad. So go with a tight, symmetrical, half-Windsor knot.
• Don’t be cheap with the shoes; women notice. Besides, quality $700 shoes last 3-4x longer than anything you can get in the $300 price range. Keep it simple with some classic Prada loafers.
• Contrary to popular belief, flamboyant socks don’t add flair or personality. They just make you look gay British. Instead, buy twenty pairs of identical black socks. Doing laundry becomes infinitely easier. Then, throw them away and refresh every six months; it feels great to start the day off with brand new socks.
• Unless it’s a black tie function, never ever wear a bow tie. Bill Nye is a fucking loser, and an idiot.

Shirts

• For everyday wear, Mizzen+Mains are tough to beat – great fit and style, wrinkle free, and machine washable.
• But get most of your dress shirts made. The value of a custom shirt far exceeds the cost, and the relative value is a no-brainer.
• Stick with a stiff spread collar; it’s versatile enough to work with or without a tie, and goes with jeans or a suit. Oxford collars and shirt pockets are for Bernie Sanders supporters.
• If you sweat, wear an undershirt. Even if you don’t, having a visible undershirt destroys the entire outfit. You can’t beat NVSBL – they’re longer (stay tucked), more comfortable, sweat and odor fighting, and totally invisible. Hygiene and aesthetics aside, quality undershirts will significantly prolong the life of your dress shirts, and generally make you less disgusting.
• Monogrammed shirts are passé. Get your gun monogrammed instead.

Business Casual

• No khakis, unless your résumé still says you were president of your fraternity investment club. Wear jeans instead.
• If you’re wearing a blazer, make sure it doesn’t look like a suit jacket. Try a one-button, peaked-lapel, which looks great in the office, or out at night.
• No country club golf shirts, especially when the Masters is on.
• Wear whatever socks you want, but you still have to wear socks.

The Gym

• The era of baggy shorts is over. And mesh shorts are only acceptable in Myrtle Beach or the buzzer waiting room at Applebee’s.
• Get rid of the college apparel, unless you like barefoot running on a treadmill or bro-hugging dudes you’ve met once.
• These Birddogs are the best shorts on the planet – perfect for the gym, tennis court, or day drinking.
• While you’re at it, spend less time on a treadmill and more time playing a competitive sport. After all, the golf course is an extension of the office.

Miscellaneous

• There is no such thing as a “going out” shirt, especially on a first date.
• If you insist on wearing cologne, no one should smell you from five feet away or five minutes after you’ve left the room.
• No hats or sunglasses after sunset.
• Get a haircut every 3-4 weeks. And if you’ve got problems up top, shave it or transplant it.

I’m going to go ahead and say the majority of us aren’t the douchebag wall street investment banker types so this list just doesn’t apply. And what the fuck is wrong with oxford collars? I see people 5 times the pay grade of this ass wearing them all the time.

Yeah not sure what his issue is with button down collars or pockets on dress shirts. Not ideal for a suit, but if you’re wearing a shirt without a tie there’s no reason you can’t wear a button down collar.

I feel ya dude…Most donks straight out of college barely have a job much less the ability to spend over $100 on shoes, BUT as soon as you are able to do so, pick up those $700+ pair of shoes. You keep a shoe tree in those things nightly and take care of the soles/heel, you will wear them forever.

Prada and Gucci aren’t that great, you’re paying a huge mark up for the name on the shoe. Buy Ferragamo and not their bottom line with rubber bottoms. You want ones that you can restitch as they’re worn out. You can wear them for 30 years and look great and they’ll help your feet.

Yes get shoe trees so they last longer but again it’s worth it. Their middle tier shoes hold up great. Buy on sales and you can get 700-1000 shoes for 250-500 and 250-500 isn’t much when you don’t have to rebuy shoes as often. It just comes down if you can front the money or not. As an engineering grad student I’m paid up the butt so it’s very easy for me to afford this stuff. I only recommend if you can afford without breaking the bank as 8 hours on your feet in them will thank you over a low tier brand.

Just my two cents, and if you really want to ball out – John Lobb custom molded shoes for a couple thousand!

Worse than the shoes, this asshat is telling people to wear black socks with every color of suit. What the actual fuck? Wearing socks that don’t match makes you look like your a first-day pledge showing up in dad’s suit. Fuck this geed.

These dbags posted this same article on PostGradProblems under a different title over a week ago and everyone hated it. The people at Grandex for some reason owe this dude a blowjob and they are sucking him off like a true pro.

This guy spends $700 on shoes and says the belt is optional? Also this guy is from New York, which has different style, even in business. If you live in the Southwest for example nobody with money wears suits. Golf shirts, slacks nice shoes and watch. It’s too hot here for suits you’ll look like a tool.

If I wore jeans to my business casual office I would be told to pack up and leave. Khakis are the perfect happy medium between jeans and dress pants. They are exactly what business casual is about. Good clickbait to your catalog though, chumps.

Yeah I’ll be sure to dress like this when I make as much as a Wall Street investment banker. Until then I’ll have to scrape by like a peasant with my non tailored shirts, sperrys and shitty non submariner watch. My father has worked on Wall Street for 20 years and on the weekends he wears a polo , blue jeans, the oldest fucking sperrys you will ever see. The writer of this article is the biggest try hard, new money trash I have ever seen.

I had to sign in just to add my shitty two cents. This is one of the worst articles I have read since the columns 3 years ago were sucking off Johnny Football left and right. I work on Wall Street and probably make more money than you, and will continue to have more wealth than you when you spend your small, small journalism income on some $700 pair of shoes. Do less.

Really, you post this on PGP under a different title over a week ago and it’s universally agreed upon the article sucks dick, so then you rename the same piece of shit and post it here? How pathetic. This guy must have some photos of you sucking his dick that you really don’t want released. Or maybe this is your way of coming out slowly? Bitch.

If you want your tie to look decent, use a Pratt knot instead of a Half Windsor. It’s smaller, tighter, more symmetrical, and holds up better over time. HWs look average at best, and fall apart too quickly.

I thought this was poignant and well thought-out. Having “ads” in your article isn’t bad when they are in good taste, which these are. Don’t let all of these try-hard bandwagoning fucks get you down. If this article helps one attire-deficit fuck to dress better, you’ve done your job.