New
Commandments

It's about time someone updated
those commandments, so here are some suggestions...

Thou shall not stick anything larger than thine own elbow in thine
ear

Thou shall not eat anything larger
than thine own head

Thou shall not kill� unless thou
has a good reason to do it

Thou shall watch porn movies

Thou shall have an ego smaller than
that of Prince Charles

Thou shall not impersonate God,
unless thou is stoned off thy ass

Thou shall not piss in the holy water

Thou shall not piss in the pool water

Thou shall not sign a contract of
more than seven thousand pages

Thou shall not write a contract
larger than seven thousand pages

Thou shall not fantasize about Bob
the Builder

Thou shall not lick thine own asshole

Thou shall not be Communist

Thou shall not masturbate into the
Fountain of Youth

Thou shall not start the fourth Reich

Thou shall not set homework

Thou shall have a surname shorter
than forty-six letters

Thou shall always believe in what thy
say, unless thou is wrong

Thou shall not make love to a
lamp-post

Thou shall not eat a Nintendo

Thou shall not eat a Playstation
(Sega�s don�t matter)

Thou shall not be flexible enough to
go through thine own legs twice, backwards, without breaking thy
spine

Thou shall listen to an entire
sentence before making some disgusting comment about it

Thou shall not desecrate thine own
genitalia

Thou shall not be unco

Thou shall not like any show on
Comedy Central, other than South Park and Dr. Katz

Thou shall commit adultery

Thou shall hate all songs by Hanson
(except maybe This Time Around)

Thou shall not create a song lasting
longer than twenty-four minutes

Thou shall not bore shitless

Thou shall only install light
switches smaller than the wall they are on

Thou shall consume alcohol only on
special occasions, but these rules are very flexible, as Nuntas is
included on the list, the celebration of the passing from morning to
afternoon. (i.e. you can just make them up)

Thou shall not do the Hampsterdance

Thou shall not spell hamster
incorrectly, with a P

Thou shall not enter a freestyle
rapping competition

Thou shall succumb to advertising

Thou shall not try to �show the
bank� by not paying your bill

Thou shall break out of prison,
unless thou is not in jail, in which case thou shall commit a
felony, then break out of prison [Please do not take this literally]

Thou shall not be a Video Jockey (VJ)

Thou shall not market Windows XP

Thou shall not be part of a pop group

Thou shall pirate all forms of media
possible

Thou shall not play Ookeymouth (This
game consists of having someone spit in your mouth and trying to say
�ookeymouth� at the same time)

Thou shall not use Mad magazine as a
basis for real life

Thou shall not make a pocket
television that fits in a change pocket

Thou shall not stand in the street
and scream �You are the weakest link. Goodbye!� in any language

Thou shall destroy anything to do
with any sort of �mon�. Pokemon, Digimon� it�s all got to
go.