I came across an interesting site the other day, and wanted to share. The Night Sky lets you create a map of the stars on a particular date and in a particular location, with different options, like color and constellations. It’s neat, and it looks like a great gift. I’ve already ordered one. I hope the recipient likes it!

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I know I’ve been quiet lately. I recently got a new job, so I’ve been settling into that. Better commute, better pay, better boss. It’s great so far, and I think it’ll only get better! I’m wicked excited for it! Wish me luck!

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It’s always interesting to see the various search terms that bring people to my blog. Most are pretty comprehensible. I get why someone searching for “radio yerevan jokes” finds their way here, for instance. But sometimes there are bizarre ones, and I don’t know why they were searching for them or why they found my blog when they did so. Inspired by -S, I’ve decided to share some of the more…interesting search terms of 2016. And to avoid prolixity, I’m just going to skip all but the most unusual penis related search terms.

“chances of women finding 8.5 inch penis” I’m keeping this one just because I like the way they phrased it. Like, they don’t want to know the probability of someone having an 8.5 inch penis. They want to know the odds of actually finding one in the wild. How likely am I to find such a majestic penile specimen? How hard must I work, how far must I travel, how many dicks must I examine before I can find one?

“why would a woman fuck a knife” I, uh, don’t know? Why would she? I hope they found a satisfying answer.

“ancient warriors hot wife’s fucking all spartan” I have no idea what they were even going for here. It looks like they’re curious about an ancient warrior’s hot wife who fucked everyone in Sparta, but I’m not confident in my interpretation. Any ideas?

“how to make someone act like spartan women” This one is actually interesting, even though I’m not sure what the actual goal is. Do they intend to train someone to act like a Spartan woman? I’m definitely pro-athletics and such, but I feel like the open marriage nature of Sparta and emphasis on childbirth as a woman’s primary purpose would, combined, turn off most people. I guess there’s some small subsection of the population who’s up for it, though.

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During the holiday season, I got to thinking about nativities, and what other holidays could possible have that sort of decoration, with all the little statuettes assembled to form a scene. My favorite pieces of artwork tend to be tangible pieces, like statues, so I really like the art of nativities, but I’m an atheist, so I don’t have any desire to actually own or display one.

The first holiday that came to mind was the Ides of March, with Julius Caesar’s assassination. I think it’d be neat to have a little miniature senate, with a small statue of Pompey for everything to happen under, and then a collection of statuettes depicting Caesar, Brutus, Cassius, and the other senators involved in the assassination.

Maybe it’s just because I’m both morbid and a history fan, but I’d like it. What do you think?

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I’ve had an interest in nuclear war and bombs for a while now (purely theoretical, of course), and with Christmas coming up, I thought it might be useful to collect some of the more interesting books, movies, and knick-knacks I’ve come across that might be of interest to you or anyone you know who’s as fascinating by the thermonuclear as I am.

Movies

Doctor Strange, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb is probably the best known movie about nuclear war. It’s one of my favorites. Darkly humorous, Peter Sellers and Stanley Kubrick make this movie something special. Back when I worked at a summer camp, the teacher showed the students this film, and the TA and I spent the class in the back laughing. Unfortunately, the students didn’t seem to enjoy it quite as much.

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Lately I’ve seen two really good fan-made short films about games, and I wanted to share them. The first is Terrible Fate, about Majora’s Mask. I really like it. Gorgeous models. Amazing music. And Majora’s Mask is suitably creepy. The only thing I don’t really like is that I feel Skull Kid is a little too innocent, and that’s a criticism I saw elsewhere, too. It was a deliberate decision by Ember Lab to show him as a victim of Majora’s evil, too. But in my head, Skull Kid was mischievous before he got the mask, and the biggest change that happened once he got the mask was that now he had unlimited power to dick around with people. Minor critique, though. I still love the film, and I do like the focus on Skull Kid’s time with the fairies.

The second one is Metroid: The Sky Calls. It feels a little bit rougher than Terrible Fate, but that could just be because this one uses live action, too. I like the actress who plays Samus, but I don’t know, she just doesn’t fit my own idea of what she looks like. I love the music, though, and the suit design is pretty cool and unique. The story line is probably the weakest part to me. I’ll discuss it under the video to avoid spoilers.

It just seems weird to me that the Chozo would have such a small window for her to arrive there. Also, why are planets orbiting the same star in opposite directions like that? Shouldn’t they all have formed from the same protoplanetary disk? Or are half of the planets captured objects?

Also, seems kind of dickish to just shuttle Samus to parts unknown without warning her. What if she had been in the middle of a mission, and now there’s no one to stop the Space Pirates? Hell, isn’t she supposed to the Hunter? Is this a new system that the Chozo really messed up, and now they need her there? I guess it could work with more follow up, but honestly, I’d have preferred a message or something like that. It kept me from enjoying the film as much as I would have otherwise.

A somber figure entered the room. The salesman sat down at the desk, opposite a distracted-looking man and an eager young woman. He jogged the papers in his hand and looked over them at the couple before him. The woman leaned forward, smiling expectantly.

“Ah, before we discuss your premiums, perhaps it would be best if we first talked a little about why you’re here today,” he monotoned.

“Well, it’s just the smart thing to do,” the woman explained. “When you have something as valuable as true love, you want to protect it. We insure our house and our car, and they’re not nearly so important. I just don’t know what I would do if anything happened to James and I.”

“And you…James?”

The man stirred in his chair somewhat. “I agree with Stephanie. It’s the logical thing to do.”

“Why are you asking us this? Is something wrong?” Stephanie inquired.

“No, no, not as such.”

“What is it, then?”

The sound of a sigh came from the far end of the desk. The man put down the papers and turned them towards the couple so they could read the circled number. The two looked from the man to the numbers and back. “But…that can’t be right,” Stephanie protested. “Why is it so high?”

“You have to understand. We’re not a charity, ma’am. We have to set our premiums to match the risk being asked of us. When there’s a very high risk, we need to set high premiums.”

“Risk? What risk?!”

“Ma’am, please. It’s just the statistics,” he explained. “The odds just aren’t good for…mixed marriages.”

Stephanie stood up as James tried to calm her down. He had seen this before. “So that’s what this is about! I can’t believe that such prejudice still exists in this day and age!”

“Darling, it’s fine. Let’s just go,” James pled.

“No, James! It’s not right that he gets to sit there and tell us that our love won’t last!” she yelled, slamming her fist into the desk.

“Please calm down, ma’am. That’s not what we’re saying.”

“So what, then? Are you just against mixed marriages?”

“We’re not against android-human marriages. It’s nothing personal…it’s just business-“

“Oh, it’s just business! I guess it’s alright to discriminate against us if it’s just business! Come on, James, we’re leaving!” She grabbed him by the wrist and dragged him out behind him, his lips mouthing “I’m sorry,” as they disappeared out the door.

The office door squeaked open after a brief pause. An actuary walked in and stood next to the salesman.

“Heard everything, huh?”

“Hard not to. She was pretty loud.” The actuary felt the dent she had left behind in the steel desk and whistled. “Angry, too. But the facts don’t lie. The odds are worse than 10:1 they’re still in love in two years. If they are now, that is. There’s just no such thing as true love between man and machine. Only infatuations.”

“It’s a shame. Girl like that could be with any android she wants,” the salesman muttered with a tinge of bitter envy.

“Takes all types. Can’t imagine what she sees in a human, though. Fickle, dumb, short-lived…and that smell… I have to disable my sensors whenever I’m around them. I guess some things just can’t be understood. Was that your last appointment today?”

“Yes, thankfully.”

“Come on, let’s recharge, then. I’ll treat.”

“Thanks, Nick. I’d like that.”

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, you can find more of my stories here!