Alternate Dimension EVO Melee Results

— July 20, 2015

Interdimensional sources have given Super Smash Brothers Melee fans a fleeting glimpse into several alternate timelines where results of the largest melee tournament in the history of the game differed greatly.

On Earth-2, Druggedfox, an underdog player from Georgia, defeated Leffen in the round of 16 and went on to win the tournament over Armada in the grand finals, successfully tech-chasing the Swede on the final stock an astounding ninety-seven times in a row before up-throwing Armada’s 654% Fox for the kill off the top of Final Destination. At the award ceremony, Druggedfox proceeded to rip off his face and reveal Mew2king underneath, who accepted the trophy and was bestowed a pair of Mad Catz sponsored bionic hands to replace his carpal tunnel ridden real ones.

On Earth-21P, EVO changed all melee sets to best-of-five, resulting in Leffen coming back and defeating Plup’s Samus. In the grand finals, Leffen crushed Armada 6-0 in Fox dittos while simultaneously tweeting trash talk between chain throws during the match. At the award ceremony, Leffen brought Chillindude on stage.

“I’d like to thank Chillin for being my dedicated practice partner these past few months,” Leffen said, giving Chillin a hug. “As a thank you, I’ve decided to give him the B-button from my championship controller.”

Chillin tearfully added, “My… B?”

On Earth 3V0, Mango did not SD against Hungrybox and went on to win his third straight EVO. At the award presentation afterward, Hungrybox refused to accept his fifth place medal, instead running from the presenter and nearly timing out the ceremony before security personnel cosplaying as Fox were forced to use red-tinted tazers to subdue him. MrWizard bans Hungrybox from all future competitions. Mango throws his first place trophy into the crowd anyway.

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