Donald Trump’s inauguration was devoid of stars. Elton John said no. Justin Timberlake cried the president a river. The event was barren of A-listers. Except for one.

There she was, Caitlyn Jenner, in an off-the-shoulder navy gown, cheering on the new president. “Republicans need help understanding L.G.B.T.Q. issues,” she tweeted. “And I’m here to help!”

There are times when I feel like my friendship with Caitlyn is one unending Thanksgiving dinner, with me always fleeing the table in tears. But I do believe that if we’re all going to survive the next four years, we have to learn not only how to talk with one another, but to listen.

Listening is no easy thing. When I spent six weeks on a bus last year with Caitlyn as part of her reality show’s road trip, I asked her how she could possibly be a Republican. She replied, “Every conservative guy out there believes in everybody’s rights.” I shouted back, “That is a lie!” Then I hit her with a rolled-up newspaper, demonstrating exactly how bad I am at the whole listening thing.

There is, and ought to be, room for a wide range of identities within the L.G.B.T. movement. But how can queer people side with the party that has devoted much of the last quarter-century to demonizing us and opposing our rights?

As a friend once observed, queer Republicans remind him of “the pig in the chef’s hat and apron holding a fork and knife on the front of a sign for a barbecue joint.” Surely that pig must know that things aren’t going to end well.

But Caitlyn isn’t alone. According to Gallup, 21 percent of L.G.B.T. Americans are or lean Republican.

The Trump administration claims it supports gay and trans rights, as evidenced by its decision last month to preserve Barack Obama’s workplace protections. “The president is proud to have been the first ever G.O.P. nominee to mention the L.G.B.T.Q. community in his nomination acceptance speech,” a White House statement said.

On the other hand, this consistently inconsistent president has also said that he would “strongly consider” appointing a Supreme Court justice who would rescind the nation’s marriage equality laws. And he may get his wish with Judge Neil Gorsuch. He sided with Hobby Lobby in a case that began with a fight over contraception coverage but ended at the Supreme Court with a ruling that could ultimately allow any business to discriminate against gay and trans people on the basis of religion. (A leaked draft of an executive order endorsed this same policy.) And in 2009, Judge Gorsuch rejected a transgender woman’s claim that she was forced out of her job in violation of federal law.

L.G.B.T. conservatives argue that they are not “one-issue voters,” that while the rights of queer Americans are important, they are not the only factor. There are a lot of issues that constitute political identity, and as it turns out, some voters feel that their own rights are not the most urgent.

I admit that I really don’t get it. So in that spirit of “listening,” I called Caitlyn again.

She was driving her car — “a 1960 Austin-Healey bug-eyed Sprite” — to the shop. “If we don’t have a country,” she told me, “we don’t have L.G.B.T. issues.”

I wasn’t quite sure what she meant. So she went on: “It’s important that we have a thriving country. I want every trans person to get a job. I want a thriving economy. I don’t want massive government on top of everything we do.”

Why did she go to the inauguration? “I was working,” she said. “I had an objective when I went there to meet as many people and open as many doors as I possibly could, and I was able to accomplish that. Trump is really fine when it comes to these issues.”

Mike Pence, she said, “is a different story.” Given that he opposed the repeal of “don’t ask, don’t tell,” and said that gay couples would cause a “societal collapse,” this seemed to me like an understatement.

“Pence was happy to see me,” she said. “In so many ways, we have a lot of things in common. I’m a Christian. I’m also a Republican, and I’m also trans. My faith played a very big role in what I’m doing. And I would love to explain my story to him.”

As I listened, I wondered whether L.G.B.T. rights really ought not to be the most conservative of causes. Above all else we want to be left alone, without interference, to live our lives with truth and grace. What could be more conservative than that?

And yet the modern Republican Party seems to have no problem interfering with people’s privacy when it comes to sexuality and gender identity. From abortion rights to opposition to marriage equality, the Republicans have advocated more government intrusion into private lives, not less.

Caitlyn is aware of this. And she warns that if there’s no progress on these issues, conservatives should be prepared “for the wrath of Caitlyn Jenner coming down upon you.”

Would that include voting for a Democrat?

“I could never see myself voting for a Democrat, especially right now. I think we’ve lost the Democratic Party. I think it has been hijacked by left-wing, radical agendas.”

“Including L.G.B.T. rights?” I asked.

“Boy,” said Caitlyn. “You keep going back to L.G.B.T. rights.”

Yeah, I told her. I do.

I’m truly hopeful that outreach by Caitlyn — and others — will succeed, and that life will get better, for all of us.

If it doesn’t? Well, you know. Enjoy the barbecue.

Jennifer Finney Boylan, a contributing opinion writer, is a professor of English at Barnard College and a board co-chairwoman of Glaad.