I’m pretty sure that my remaining hours upon this Earth are dwindling down to near nothing.

What would you do if you discovered that you only had a few days left to live?

It all began on Wednesday morning. I was at work, just like any other day… Work is a little more 51/50 than usual lately, due to the end of the fiscal year quickly approaching. I basically get to work, switch into autopilot mode and attempt to survive the day. So far it had been a success. Until Wednesday…. evil, evil Wednesday.

During the morning frenzy, I managed to escape to the restroom… After completing “restroom things” I washed my hands and walked towards the door.

I’m not sure what happened to me at this point. It’s almost as though my brain completely left my body. I reached out, grabbed the doorknob and pushed the door open.

Allow me to clarify, in case you somehow managed to overlook my misstep…

“GRABBED THE DOORKNOB”

….with my hand

my bare hand

skin on doorknob contact!

I have worked at this base for about 8 years, now. In all those years I have never….. EVER made physical contact with the restroom’s doorknob. When it is time to exit the restroom… I push the door open with my elbows.

Both elbows

The second I felt that cold doorknob in my palm, I knew I’d messed up. I could almost feel the forgotten layers of urine and bacteria crawling up my arm.

I proceeded to my desk in a daze.

I’m pretty sure that I’m doomed.

Doomed.

Don’t cry for me, Argentina…. or all you other countries either

I have to take total blame for my own demise.

So… How am I spending my final moments?

…..ummmmmm

I worked

Did some Laundry

*why the heck did I capitalize laundry??? You ain’t that important, sucka!*