heads are gonna roll

But I’m losing it over here. The semester has just ended, and it’s that tragic window of time between finals and commencement, during which all the undergrads get totally wasted for two straight weeks, but of course they sleep during the day. Not at night. Oh no. At night, they yell and play music and …

PLAY BIRD CALLS.

It’s nearly 2am. That’s very much nighttime. And there is no way this many different species of birds are up and all in one place, calling to one another (none overlapping, of course).

If there were a god, he would have prevented this kind of thing from being invented, or at least from falling into the evil, drunken hands of undergraduates. (QED.)

Initially, it was just interesting to realize that I noticed the bird calls (they’re actually really realistic) and felt like it should be morning. Like the sun should be rising, and I actually sort of felt more awake.

But see, of course what’s most infuriating about it is that very thing.

I know, it was a little funny at first to me, too. I’m not a square… I get it. Bird calls. How peculiar! Let’s see if we can get any birds to wake up and respond! And won’t people be confused when they wake up to bird calls and see it’s 2am! I get it. Funny.

No. Not funny. Not after 15 minutes. After fifteen minutes: enraging and asinine.