musings of a counselor

Wa Wah Wa Wah Wah Wah

When you look up “nag” in a thesaurus, synonyms include pester, irritate, badger, harass, and that’s only the beginning of a lengthy list of words you don’t want to be described as. Think: the Peanut’s Teacher. And for some reason it’s women who get the reputation for nagging. You can almost see the switch in your partner’s head go off. You’ve hit, what I refer to as his “hot button”. It doesn’t really matter what you’re trying to get across, he’s annoyed and you’ve been shut out. How do you avoid that and still get him to do what you want him to do?

When are you asking? You want your husband to take the trash out; is it right when he sits down after work? Or during the middle of a baseball game? Probably steer clear of these and similar times when he’s focused on relaxing. He’s not thinking about anything else and he’s especially not thinking about what you want him to do.

How are you asking him? “Do this, do this, DO THIS!!!” You’re not going to respond to someone asking you to do something if they have that tone with you, so why would your boyfriend? Try asking once politely and if that’s not working, leaving a little note (that’s not passive aggressive) asking again. It’s just a little reminder that doesn’t get either of you worked up.

Why are you asking him? I’m not saying women are responsible for taking care of all the household chores, but if it’s something you can do and it’s going to be easier than both of you getting upset with one another, just do it. Simple. Lots of stress saved on both ends.

Men are forgetful, gentle nudges are helpful harassing is not. Remember, at the end of the day he’s not doing it to spite you, he’s doing it because he’s a man and they’re hardwired a whole lot different than we are.