Hope?

So about a month ago I had an initial appointment at a mental health clinic to see what was wrong with me and I got referred to take part in CBT because the woman concluded it was depression (Not much of a revelation if you ask me) and it would take a few months to get a place. Still no word about it but the waiting list was pretty long so that's to be expected. I don't mind waiting, just the sheer thought of getting some sort of help is keeping me going at least a little bit.

The one thing that has been worrying me all year is the thought of getting a job, as in how the heck would I cope in a work environment? So any time I applied for a job I was secretly hoping for no response or rejections even though I made it seem as if I was devastated. The thing is I do technically want a job, if only so that I have something to do and so that I feel like LESS of a burden than I already to (Props to my family though, never once have they made me feel like a burden, that thought is all in my head) but I just don't see myself being able to handle it. So I decided to stop applying for jobs in the field I "want" to work in which was Admin and just focus on jobs that require little to no qualifications. This for the most part didn't make me feel as anxious about getting a job because if I got in and ultimately failed within a job that anyone can get my confidence wouldn't be as low as if I was to fail in an Admin role that required qualifications and an insanely high standard of professionalism.

A good thing happened at my weekly Jobcentre appointment. My adviser, who is really great about my situation and hasn't pressured me like most other advisers would, suggested a program that could really be helpful to me. It's a program that will focus on helping me find a job and be tailored around my personal circumstances, so basically me and my mental health will always come first. This is exactly the kind of thing I need, I need to be able to feel that my mental health is more important than getting a job and that taking my time with smaller steps than other people take to getting a job is okay as long as it is helpful to me. I was given a leaflet about how there are a bunch of different people who provide help such as Occupational Psychologists and Therapists and that they will be able to help me as long as I need their help, which includes up to after 6 months from actually getting a job to make sure I'm coping with it.

I'm grateful this service exists and this is the first time in a while I could honestly say I feel a sliver of hope for the future. Next week I'm definitely going to tell my adviser that I would like to be referred to this because it would be a great tool for me which will work hand in hand with the CBT I'll be getting in the future.

Hey Pepe, that sounds great. You're making some positive advances. Also, getting a job that's not too challenging will be a great way to transition. I always felt better when working, but now I need something that's not too overwhelming.
Anyway, just wanted to let you know I'm happy for your progress. Take care and good luck with the CBT
Brian