Some things….you keep to yourself…
I wrote about most of my personal infertility experiences here on this blog but some things….I kept hidden….
I’m not one to expose myself…
I’ve been pretty anonymous on here(unless you are on my IG or are the 5 people I’ve actually told about this blog) and I did not open up about my infertility to friends until we were already 6 months along(since my sister was carrying and lived in another state….wasn’t that hard to hide and not talk about until I was ready)….

And speaking of hiding…I hid something that was devastating and I’m about to tell you all about it now….
For some of you, it might not have been a big deal…..and I get it…. but since my career was in television…. this was hard to hide…

I’m finally writing about it because I thought…what if this happens to someone else and they don’t know what to do? Or where to go, or who to ask?

So here we are….

Long story short, I lost my hair….

If going through all of these infertility treatments wasn’t enough…….

I sat silently as clumps of hair would fall out in the shower…it was devastating to say the least.

At first, I just noticed my hairline getting thinner…..

And I tried to ignore it as nothing….

But then I couldn’t ignore it any longer…

I was losing my hair..
I actually lost most of the hair on the right side of my head(see pic below..this is after it grew back a little too)

Because of infertility….and all of the treatments I put my body through….I developed Alopecia Areata….
For those of you that do not know what that is, it is an autoimmune skin disease that I believe developed due to all of the meds/treatments/stress/anxiety, etc..that I went through to try to have a baby……sure, they say it’s inherited, genetic…but no one in my family has ever had this…4 rounds of IVF and 6 medicated FET’s….10 cycles(!) are most likely the cause in my book…sooo many meds and shots…

And guess what you have to do to try to treat this?

More shots……

but this time…..in your head 🙁 ugh…

Like I didn’t have enough injections in my life…….so for months upon months in 2015 and into 2016…I would get shots of steroids in my head from my dermatologist…

To say I was over needles was an understatement….

But I had to get them…I couldn’t lose all of my hair..I was still trying to work…combing my hair certain ways…not allowing anyone to touch my hair and making excuses when they tried….

It was awful…

But oddly something beautiful was happening at the same time….I was moving towards gestational surrogacy…

And every step we took with my beautiful sister…….

more clumps of hair would fall out…

But I was ok…

And once that pregnancy test was positive, once we saw the heartbeat, once we passed 20 weeks…..

My hair continued to fall out…but there was this blinding light upon my horizon that overshadowed any sadness…..

I was finally going to have a child…

All of the torture I put my body through was finally paying off….

Hair loss and all….

The things some of us do to try to have a baby…

So, if you ever find yourself losing your hair…please know, you are not alone(and most of mine eventually grew back).

If you have any questions, please feel free to ask..

This post is extremely vulnerable…and I only decided to write about it to help someone else….

Someone that might be feeling alone, sad and have no where else to turn…

But I’m here to let you know…you’ll never be alone…I’m here…and I understand..

Honey
i wish for all the thought and consideration you put for others to help out in their struggles is priceless …i pray that all these good deeds bundle into a happy healthy pregnancy of triplets or quadruplets and you have healthy happy babies so that everyone knows god always turns your good deeds into showers of blessings.

Thank you for adding that most of your hair grew back… When I started reading and recognised the diagnosis the alarm went off and my heart started racing 🙁 last year i started ‘losing’ my eyebrows and received the same diagnosis. I felt my hair thinning too… I remember thinking “even my outside is starting to look broken”… Fortunately with treatment it all calmed down and things are pretty much back to normal. This is definitely not an easy road… Thanks for sharing!

Thank you CJ…yes…it’s very scary…espciallu when you have zero control over what’s happening. And I totally get being broken on the inside and outside…felt that exactly. Glad yours is under control and hope it stays that way…xoxo

Wow, I suspect you sharing this is so incredibly important to those who experience it as a result of fertility treatments. Your courage to share and help others is amazing. I wish I could give you a giant hug.

I had no idea… I’m always here for you 💜 I have a friend that has been going through this for the last few years and she’s now open about it, but it’s been very isolating for her. I’m so sorry, friend. Yet again, the vulnerability of your post will help someone. Thank you for talking about it and being real. 💜