For Chris: / Mom
There was a boy
A very strange enchanted boy
They say he wandered very far
Very far, over land and sea
A little shy and sad of eye
But very wise was he
And then one day, a magic day
He passed my way, and while we spoke
Of many things, fools and kings
This he said to me
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn
Is just to love and be loved in return"
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn
Is just to love and be loved in return"
Songwriters
EDEN AHBEZ Close

You are very missed / John A. (Friend)
I only heard about this a year ago and was so shocked. I grew up with Chris in Marlboro and we were good friends in and out of class. Chris was one of the most amazing person I have ever know. He positively impacted my life allot, even at a very young age. I have thought about him often through out the years since school and was very devastated when finding this out and am still to this day. I wish your family the best and strength to live without you. Looking forward to meeting back up with you on the other side. Close

I thank all who have loved me in their hearts, With thanks and love from mine. Deep thanks to all Who paused a little near the prison-wall To hear my music in its louder parts Ere they went onward, each one to the mart's Or temple's occupation, beyond call. But thou, who, in my voice's sink and fall When the sob took it, thy divinest Art's Own instrument didst drop down at thy foot To hearken what I said between my tears, . . . Instruct me how to thank thee ! Oh, to shoot My soul's full meaning into future years, That they should lend it utterance, and salute Love that endures, from Life that disappears !

A Birthday Tribute to Chris / Ginger Fallon Coates (Chris and I dated Spring Semester of '97 at Stockton State College and then became good friends. )Read >>

A Birthday Tribute to Chris / Ginger Fallon Coates (Chris and I dated Spring Semester of '97 at Stockton State College and then became good friends. )
Happy Birthday Chris I am so sorry to hear of your passing. I only just recently found out and am upset that I didn't know sooner. You think the universe would somehow indicate when something major like this happens. There is so much I would like to say in tribute about your life and about the time I got to spend with you. You were and are a sensitive and refined soul. You had so much artistic talent and you knew that you could have gone to a great art school but you had set your heart on majoring in social work and in helping other people. School was always hard for you and majoring in art would have been easier but you weren't one to take the easy path. You were so much fun to be with. You made me feel cultured refined and grown up although I was just a little 19 year old from South Jersey. Our best date ever was to the Metropolitan Museum of Art in Manhattan we had such a great time appreciating the work of the masters. You got so many ideas for projects you wanted to work on. You made me a sculpture of my name with a candle in it and also drew me a picture of two angels in purple my favorite color. I always enjoyed talking to you about everything. While other guys were joining frats and drinking beer we spent time talking and contemplated the meaning of life at your Dad's place in Smithville NJ. I always liked getting away from the on-campus apartments to chill with you over there where we could just kick back and get away from it all. You always had to make your personal space a haven away from the world. This is not to say you didn't have fun. You had the best parties in Smithville. I will never forget the baby shower decorations you would pull out to fool the neighbors into thinking it wasn't some college drinking party so they wouldn't call the cops. All your friends from Central Jersey would come. Eric would notoriously end up on the roof playing air guitar with the vacuum cleaner which you found hilarious. Tony would be there too always your right hand man. You had fun but you were serious. You thought a lot about the afterlife even then. You had a book I wish I could remember the name where it described the story of a Catholic Priest who passed away and came back to tell us all what the afterlife was really like. You believed in that book and thought the afterlife would be just as he described - where your thoughts could produce creations of art and music where the only limitations were imposed by your own mind and where pure truth was the love of your Creator. Being the young hopeful girl that I was I had our whole relationship planned and was so excited for the future. But even back then toward the end of our dating relationship you grew really depressed you were sad and felt a lot of despair. I tried to help you but the more I tried to help the worse it got. I was like a bird trying to fly through a glass window that was closed; constantly banging into the glass. The more I tried to help you the more I hurt myself from the futility of my trying. I tried to hold on to you; to dictate and instruct you on how to handle life better. But you weren't an easy person to convince. You lived life on your own terms and when you were depressed no one could help you escape your private hell. Some things seemed to help. You loved your mom so much and talked about her often about how she was always there for you. She was your shining star and you would go home on the weekends so she could help you with your school work. I didn't want to let go of you but the tighter I held on the more you sifted through my fingers like finely powdered sand. I learned you weren't someone to hold onto or own but someone I could just accept and admire. Accept and admire - what we need to do now. Acceptance which is to learn to accept the things we cannot change. We need to accept that you had to leave before we wanted you to go. Accept that we were like birds hitting the window and couldn't help you no matter how hard we tried. Accept that you weren't someone who liked to be owned or confined. Accept that the more tightly we held onto you the more you fell through our fingers like sand. Accept that you loved us even though you wouldn't stay. Acceptance will set us free from our own despair. Now we can only stand back with awe and admire you. Admire a wonderful spirit and a wonderful life. Admire that you got married to a beautiful woman had a darling daughter and got your MSW all before you had to go. Admire that you were good to your family your friends and to everyone who knew you. Admire that you had no tolerance for the non-self-actualized. Admire all that we loved about you. Love is redemption the redemption of the soul. I love the book The Prince of Tides by Pat Conroy. It speaks of the redeeming power of love and its possibility to change our lives. At the end of the novel the main character Tom Wingo speaks of his life changing experience with Susan Lowenstein; she gave him the strength to overcome his inner demons in order to go back to his life with his wife and daughters. At the end of the novel Tom says "I can’t tell you why I do it or what it means but each night when I drive toward my southern home and my southern life I whisper these words: “Lowenstein Lowenstein.” So I tell you this~ I can't tell you why I do it or what it means but each night when I drive toward my South Jersey home and my South Jersey life I whisper these words: Christopher Christopher." Close

Take your last step towards heaven and its glow Take your last breath of sunlight don't let it go Take your last look to remember so that you know

I wont let you fade from no mind I wont let you fade from no minds I wont let you fade from no minds

Hallelujah for these eyes to see your painted life Hallelujah for the touch of skin to skin with mine Hallelujah for this mind that keeps our souls combined Hallelujah for this life that let me be your child

Have your mind have your strength to stay alive Keep your eyes open with mine

You followed the road for the angels and you left me behind A face without words can last a lifetime but it's never the same So don't say goodbyes that last forever just for a while Because I'll be by to see you some day soon

Hallelujah for these eyes to see your painted life Hallelujah for the touch now of skin to skin with mine Hallelujah for this mind that keeps our souls combined Hallelujah for this life that let me be your child

Hallelujah to be a part of your life To see inside of all your smiles You're a traffic light of fire You're a man who I believe will never die

My Mom she tells a lot of lies she never did before From now until the day she dies she´ll tell a whole lot more. She used to tell the truth a lot but now it doesn´t matter I died and went to Heaven her life is all a-shatter. Ask my Mom how she is she´ll say "Yes I´m fine!" She wants to say "Please help me I can´t find that boy of mine!" Ask my Mom how she is she´ll say "I´m alright" If that´s the truth then tell me why does she cry each night? Ask my Mom how she is she seems to cope so well She didn´t have a choice you see nor the strength to yell. You think you know the feeling but this cannot be For even though you loved me you didn´t love as much as she. She will smile and tell you "It´s ok God has a plan" But she will turn away and cry `cause she can´t understand. Tell a joke and she will laugh but she is not ok She wants to share the joke with me but it will not be today. I watch from here in Heaven her distress disturbs my peace Will someone please take care of her and thus take care of me? "Some day you will feel better." "Yes I will" she lies She knows this will not happen until the day she dies. "I was so lucky! I had him all these years." (They passed in a minute I shed so many tears). Ask my Mom how she is she´ll say "Thank you. Good." She cannot tell you how she feels oh how I wish she could. As my Mom how she is "I´m fine. I´m well. I´m coping." "For God´s sakes Mom just tell the truth just say your heart is broken." She´ll love me all of her life I loved her all of mine But if you ask her how she is she´ll lie and say she´s fine. I am here in Heaven I cannot hug from here If she lies to you don´t listen hug her hold her near. On the day we meet again we´ll smile and I´ll be bold I´ll say "You´re lucky to get in here Mom with all the lies you told!"

I am writing to you from Heaven and though it might appear A rather strange idea I see everything from here. I just popped in to visit your stores to find a card A card of love for my Mother as this day for her is hard. There must be some mistake I thought Every card you could imagine. Except I could not find a card from a child who lives in Heaven. She is still a Mother too no matter where I reside I had to leave she understands but oh the tears she’s cried. I thought that if I wrote you that you would come to know That though I live in Heaven now I still love my Mother so. She talks with me she dreams with me we still share laughter too Memories are our way of speaking now could you see what you could do? My Mother she carries me in her heart her tears she hides from sight She writes poems to honor me sometimes far into the night. She plants flowers in my garden there my living memory dwells She writes to other grieving parents trying to ease their pain as well. So you see Mr. Hallmark though I no longer live on Earth I must find a way to remind her of her wondrous worth. She needs to be honored and remembered too Just as the children on Earth will do. Thank you Mr. Hallmark I know you’ll do your best I have done all I can do to you I’ll leave the rest. Find a a way to tell her how much she means to me Until I can do it for myself when she joins me in Eternity. COPIED Close

I am never without it (anywhere I go you gomy dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing my darling)

I fear no fate (for you are my fate my sweet) I want no world (for beautiful you are my world my true) and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart:

Cheryl recently heard about Chris's passing. They had been close friends in college. She had written these poems for him during that time in their relationship. She has given permission to post these. Like all of us she misses Chris and is grateful for his life.

We are grateful to her for sharing these beautiful poems.

THE WAY WE ARE

Our friendship is love

A love that will last

Especially after everything

We’ve been through in the past

So strong in fact

I promise it’s true

Forever in my heart

I’ll love me and you

Take anything you want from me But please don’t steal my heart I will not let it break again I’ve gotten way too smart Touch anything you want on me But leave my heart alone For if you get too close you’ll find That it is made of stone Do anything you want to me My body feels no pain But if you get my heart involved I’ll ache as though I’m slain Speak anything you want to me Your wish is my command But kindness cannot touch my heart It will not understand

CHANGE Change is forgetting about the man I've loved with all my heart While trying to meet a different one And knowing I'm back at start Change is realizing who I am And knowing what I'm not But never wanting to stop and fix The mistakes and problems I've got But along the way I met someone Who stopped and made me think About all of the unthinkable things Until I found the missing link When I did it was hard to admit That change was the song to sing Because I never wanted to change But you're changing everything Change was a person brought to me When I hated everyone's heart Who unconsciously woke me up Making me realize was the first part ~ange has filled me with fear To reach out and find the new me Or maybe to stay the same person That I no longer want people to see I used to love my carefree life Insensitive and heartless I'd sing' But for some reason I wanted to change Because you're changing everything I thank God to have you in my life I've learned a truthful lesson That because you are so special to me You made me that better person LOVE

"The only way to escape the pain is to fall asleep and even then you still dream."

I'll lend you for a little while, a child of mine, He said. For you to love while he lives, and mourn when he is dead. It may be six or seven years, or twenty two or three, But will you, 'til I call him back' take care of him for me? He'll bring his charms to gladden you, and shall his stay be brief You'll have his lovely memories, as solace for your grief. I cannot promise he will stay, as all on earth return But there are lessons taught down there, I want this child to learn. I've looked the wide world over in my search for teachers true, And from the throngs that crowd lifes lanes, I have selected you. Now will you give him all your love, not think the labor vain, Nor hate me when I come to call, to take him back again. I fancied that I heard them say, Dear Lord, Thy will be done, For all the joy this child shall bring, the risk of grief we'll run. We'll shower him with tenderness and love him while we may, And for the happiness we have known, forever grateful stay. And should the Angels come to call, much sooner than we planned, We'll brave the bitter grief that comes, and try to understand.

As long as we live, they too will live; For they are now a part of us: As we remember them!

At the rising sun and at its going down we remember them. At the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter we remember them. At the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of spring we remember them. At the blueness of the skies and in the warmth of summer we remember them. At the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of the autumn we remember them. At the beginning of the year and when it ends we remember them. As long as we live, they too will live, for they are now a part of us. As we remember them. When we are weary and in need of strength we remember them. When we are lost and sick at heart we remember them. When we have decisions that are difficult to make we remember them. When we have joy we crave to share we remember them. When we have achievements that are based on theirs we remember them. For as long as we live, they too will live, For they are now a part of us, as we remember them.

The Promise by Tracy Chapman---for Christopher / Mom
If you wait for me then Ill come for you Although Ive traveled far I always hold a place for you in my heart If you think of me, if you miss me once in awhile Then Ill return to you Ill return and fill that space in your heart

Remembering Your touch Your kiss Your warm embrace Ill find my way back to you If youll be waiting If you dream of me like I dream of you In a place thats warm and dark In a place where I can feel the beating of your heart

Remembering Your touch Your kiss Your warm embrace Ill find my way back to you If youll be waiting Ive longed for you and I have desired To see your face your smile To be with you wherever you are

Together again It would feel so good to be In your arms Where all my journeys end If you can make a promise if its one that you can keep, I vow to come for you If you wait for me and say youll hold A place for me in your heart.

With you a part of me hath passed away; For in the peopled forest of my mind A tree made leafless by this wintry wind Shall never don again its green array. Chapel and fireside, country road and bay, Have something of their friendliness resigned; Another, if I would, I could not find, And I am grown much older in a day. But yet I treasure in my memory Your gift of charity, and young hearts ease, And the dear honour of your amity; For these once mine, my life is rich with these. And I scarce know which part may greater be,-- What I keep of you, or you rob from me.

I'm gone now, but I'm still very near. Death can never separate us. Each time you feel a gentle breeze, It's my hand caressing your face. Each time the wind blows, It carries my voice whispering your name. When the wind blows your hair ever so slightly, Think of it as me pushing a few stray hairs back in place. When you feel a few raindrops fall on your face, It's me placing soft kisses. At night look up in the sky and see the stars shining so brightly. I'm one of those stars and I'm winking at you and smiling with delight. For never forget you're the apple of my eye.