Air conditioning is a form of rape culture

The latest blast of hot air coming from feminists is their complaint that men are giving women not enough of it: the great feminist air conditioning debate of 2015 has supplanted the campus rape hoax debacle that crashed and burned in 2014 like the Hindenburg in 1937. According to feminists, men are unconsciously creating an ice ceiling to keep women out of cushy, safe indoor office jobs women prefer compared to swinging sledgehammers outside in the summer heat.

Honey, if you want warm, it is plenty warm in the kitchen while you bake me a pie. Cherry is my favorite. There’s a love.

As is reflected by their (alleged) lower salaries, one reason women feel colder in the office is that they are doing less work than the men there – heat is a by-product of work and the harder you work, the more heat your body produces. Even man-hater Amanda Marcotte conceded that “According to a study published in Nature Climate Change, office thermostats are generally set to favor men’s metabolic rates, which are faster than women’s and produce heat more efficiently…”

This suggests, of course, the first way that women in office environments can feel warmer: simply work as hard as the men do, and the extra heat your body will produce will make you feel warmer. The extra productivity will help ease the supposed wage gap as well, as employers generally pay higher wages to more productive employees (men).

It is worth noting at this point the non sequitur in Marcotte’s statement “produce heat more efficiently.” Efficiency is a measure of work – an efficient engine, for example, produces more work, not more heat, than a less efficient one with the same amount of fuel (input energy). Using the term “efficiently” to describe higher male heat production is as jarring to the physicist’s ear as would her saying “strong, handsome men rape more pleasingly” to a feminist’s.

Of course, it is thin, attractive women in scant clothing that lose heat more readily than the normal morbidly obese feminist does, due to the high ratio of exposed skin (surface area) to the slight body mass of the waif.

Just as a spilled, spread-out glass of water on the floor evaporates more quickly than a full one, a thin, tall woman will radiate heat (cool off) faster than a squat, fat one of the same mass.

One way for thin women to compensate for this is to wear more insulating clothing (as men have long known) but the innate lack of women’s agency and their poor grasp of scientific principles make it difficult for hapless women to dress as smartly as men do, and so I suppose it is up to us men to protect these poor girls from their childish ignorance of the dangers of the rapacious refrigeration technology, much in the same way that men putting the seat down protects dainty, ditzy broads from splashing their lady bits into toilet water.

Of course, by increasing the temperature of office environments, men would be hurting women in many ways.

First, it would not take long in a sweltering office for women to shed even more of their clothing, which would attract the male gaze in ways that most women enjoy and feminists find completely toxic and debilitating – and they would whine about incessantly.

Second, the work efficiency of offices would decline – men work less effectively in hotter environments and the decline in productivity would result in less money and fewer resources for women to extract from their male slaves. This would cause women to shed even more clothing in trying to attract more male attention in order for women to secure the dwindling amount of resources available, further debilitating feminists.

Third, hotter environments degrade male fertility – sperm production declines with heat, which will make it harder for women to use pregnancy to trap men into marriage and/or child support, the primary ways that women have used to escape poverty since the beginning of time.

Fourth, so of course, we would be reinforcing the cultural narrative that says that men are strong and smart, and women are weak and stupid.

Men, however, would find these languid and sultry offices more palpably pleasant, and I mean that most literally.

So turn up the heat, guys: the silly feminists think they want it, and who are we to refuse them, even if it is just a hot flash in the pan?