Mom's Carsick Over Long Road Ahead For Teen

FAMILY MATTERS

August 22, 2001|By Susan Reimer, The Baltimore Sun

In the past, I have written of my trepidation at the thought of my son driving a car.

That was then. This is now.

After two years riding around in the passenger's seat of my own vehicle -- going places I did not need to go -- I grabbed my student driver by the lapels and said, in the same patient and instructive tone of voice I always use with him:

There was always a reason why he could not. Too much homework. Too many sports. Too tired on Saturday mornings. And, I often thought, too many friends cracking up their cars. Plenty of reasons to stall.

"I taught all four of my kids how to drive," says Andy Krajewski, who handles all driver-related programs for Maryland's Motor Vehicle Administration. "And every one of them was real eager to drive in the empty parking lot. But when I asked them to drive home, they would hesitate.

"I think these kids realize that driving is difficult. They don't feel comfortable doing it. But they can't say that out loud because their friends are telling them how easy it is." And those friends can be brutal to anyone who fails the test.

"From a young person's perspective, they are under a tremendous amount of pressure," Krajewski says. "They think the examiners are out to get them. They know if they fail, they won't be able to drive tonight.

"And they know if they fail, their friends will laugh at them."

For some teens, a drivers license might seem as though it is more trouble than it is worth. Especially since most of their friends are driving, so they are not without transportation.

But for a parent who has played chauffeur for 17.5 years, or one who doesn't have much confidence in the drivers their child rides with, the impulse changes from "You are not driving until I say you are ready" to "If you had your license, you could do your own errands."

Krajewski is right. Getting Joe's license was a huge hassle.

His learner's permit had expired, and he flunked the permit retest. A copy of the registration was missing. Then he flunked the driver's test ("The guy was out to get me.") And the crack in the windshield had to be repaired before he could retest.

My husband and I missed three days of work trying to get this done before sports and school ate up Joe's time again. I was beginning to fear he'd have his college diploma first.

But when he came into the Motor Vehicle Administration building from the course smiling that familiar, if rare, smile, I knew he'd succeeded.

"For the average parent, getting their teenager a drivers license is a tiring and frustrating process. But the process doesn't end with the license," says Krajewski, adding it takes two to three years before a new driver is competent.

"Parents have to stay actively involved. They have to set up rules and boundaries, and there have to be consequences if those are violated.

"And parents have to take the passenger seat now and again and observe. Driving is a complex task."