contact / help

how can i say that i’m in control
when i’ve been doing shots of warm cointreau?
well i always find my find my way home
no broken bones
yet

how can i say i’ve got free will
when i don’t remember paying my bill?
well i never get thrown thrown out of bars
no major scars
yet

just these dark purple puddles
on my skin
and a slightly, slightly muddled
recollection

how can i say i’m not a wreck
as i drain a bottle of triple sec?
well i rarely hurt my hurt my friends
no big amends
yet

how can i say that all is well
when i’m not quite sure just where i fell?
well we always laugh at laugh at my tales
no time in jail
yet

just this sick yellow swampland
on my skin
and a day or two of offhand
disaffection

how can that i say that i’ll be fine
when i’ve clearly lost my fucking mind?
well i always wake up wake up in my bed
and i’m not dead
yet

Track Name: failings & charms

cross my legs at the knee
take in all that i can see
embers on pretty girls' lips
flowers cascading down their hips
avoid their gaze as they walk by
watch them move and softly sigh
put bare feet on warm cement
and think of all that i can't get

break into a hotel 'cause i'm bored
admire the bouquets and tiled floors
stare at my face in the mirror
try to be thankful that i'm still here
fail and check the bruises on my wrists
name the girls i never quite kissed
wonder how it ever came to this

heading home with cigarettes
a six pack and some fresh regrets
shake off the rain, shake off the wraiths
go meet an old friend, my secret disgrace

take stock of my failings and my charms
investigate the scabs on legs and arms
stare at my face in the mirror
try to be thankful that i'm still here
try to be happy that i exist
mourn the girls i never quite missed
wonder how it ever came to this

Track Name: average

waking up on the covers, feet under the pillow
for the third or fourth or fifth afternoon in a row
with my clothes on with my phone dead
with radio static filling my head

my friends are like "we went to costco, we had a glass of wine"
i'm like, "i only barely escaped doing time"
they have a membership, they have self-control
i'm working a shovel at the bottom of a deep hole

an average person's rock bottom is my average weeknight
never know how i got to bed or who turned out the light
but i feel fine maybe unnerved
but definitely better than i could possibly deserve

my friends just chill; they're buying furniture and paying phone bills
and i'm still crushing up pills
they have a game plan, they have life goals
i'm working a shovel at the bottom of a deep hole

i drink water
i'm scared of consequences
& man i feel them coming
with all my spidey senses
i'll try to face them
i'll try to be brave
i will not be dug out
i will not be saved

i'll keep pushing limits til i find my boundaries
and when i do, it will probably fucking kill me