Traditional Xmas pub fights banned ‘in case they offend Muslims’

Barmy ‘Equality Officers’ at Brent Council have outlawed the age-old British tradition of Christmas pub punch-ups in case the practice offends ‘those of faiths other than Christianity’.

‘It’s political correctness gone mad’ said Dave Naylor, 27 of the Market Tavern, Alperton. ‘We always celebrate the Birth of Our Lord Jesus Christ by getting completely rat-arsed and then kicking the shit out of anyone who happens to brush past us in the pub. Suddenly we are being denied an integral part of our own cultural traditions.’

Council officers have denied that any such ban was ever suggested on the basis of offending Muslims, explaining that the newspaper stories in The Sun and Daily Mail were based on a press release saying that police officers had been asked to be extra vigilant at a time of year when there is increased alcohol consumption.

‘And to be fair, violence and affray was already an offence before this new ban…’ pointed out fellow drinker, Greg Davey, 29.