Thursday, June 30, 2005

Why is it that when I get into an argument with someone, I always think of things I wish I would've said , but didn't?

I am not at all a confrontational person. If it's really worth my time, the passive aggressive route is usually the one I take. Mostly, I just ignore people who piss me off. Once in a great while, someone will do or say something so out of line or so rediculous, that I'll just snap!!!

Yesterday was one of those days. I actually confronted a woman at work after hearing that she had been talking about me. She was just being a little too vocal about a situation that didn't concern her and she knew nothing about. I was irate after hearing that she, of all people, would have the nerve to speak up about anything after her actions at work in the past.

I asked her if we could talk. She confirmed that what I had heard was true and that she was pissed at me. Then, after telling me this, she doesn't understand why I'm upset with her??? She's even more ignorant than I thought!! ( Ignorance is one of the most intolerable characteristics in my book) I didn't like the feeling that I needed to explain myself to her.

Short and sweet version....NONE OF HER BUSINESS!!!!!

My natural passive aggressiveness was totally overwhelmed with fury. It was a weird feeling for me. I'm usually the mediator in these situations. I have to admit, it did feel good to stand up for myself.

There are so many things that she has done that I wish I would have thrown in her face. But, it seems like I can never spit out what I really want to say. The stuff that will really hit home. It frustrates me.

Now that the ice is broken, I almost hope she says something to piss me off again soon. I had the perfect oppourtunity, and I blew it!! I know exactly where I'll be taking it next time.

Until then, I'll do what normally comes naturally to me. I'll kill her with kindness.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Well, the time has come to go visit my boys again!!!! That would be Ekoostik Hookah that I'm speaking of. We will be leaving this Friday for another 2 day concert at Hookah's Frontier Ranch!! If you've never checked these guys out, you should. They are great!!! But, I do have to say that none of their studio albums could ever touch the experience you could have seeing them live. If you look close at the picture, I'm the chick with her hands over her mouth screaming in the bottom right hand corner. ( you can click on the picture to enlarge it.) I was probably yelling at Steve Sweeny, their lead guitarist. He is absolutely phenominal. That's usually where I try to post myself at the shows. Right up front and in front of Steve if possible. If I could get right on the stage, I would actually prefer to be in the back with Eric Lanese (the drummer.) We have grown pretty fond of eachother after talking at so many shows. That's what is so great about this band. None of them are too good to take time out and talk to their fans. Eric and my boyfriend and I always hunt eachother down for a little chat after the shows. I've been fortunate enough to see them every month since last September. Ok, I guess I didn't see them last October. But that's the only month I've missed them in the last year. I just love these guys!!!If you go to their website www.ekoostik.com you can go through the pictures from the fall Hookahville 2004 and find a few more pictures of me and Ryan. There are several sets of pictures. We are in about 4 pictures in "set 3" Check it out sometime.......now you can see what fun is in MY book!!! I'm hoping for good weather this weekend, but it will be fun regardless. There's never a dull moment with the Hookah boys!!!!

Monday, June 27, 2005

My mother is a paranoid schizophrenic and has had this diagnosis since I was about 6 years old. On her good days, I can hold a very normal conversation with her. I am so thankful that we still have the chance to have a somewhat normal relationship, even if that's not the case every day.

A few days ago, we went out to the reservoir east of town and had a great time together. We spread out a blanket under the shade of a huge maple tree and talked for a long time. We sat and watched the fishermen reel in a few. There were a few boats out taking advantage of the calm waters. An occasional duck would fly overhead squawking, breaking our train of thought. The breeze was perfect in the shade even though it was nearly 90 degrees that day. The air was fresh and clean. The ground beneath us was soft and cool. Everything just felt good.

It is so nice to learn things about my mother that I never knew. A lot of her treatments and therapies (such as shock therapy) over the years have caused a lot of memory loss, so when she can remember things about her past I jump at the chance to learn.

She was born and raised in Germany and came to the states at age 20. That was 35 years ago. It has been hard to learn much about her past and her experiences when she lived there. On the day we were under the tree, something must have triggered her memories. We talked for what seemed like hours about her childhood, and how her parents treated and sometimes mistreated her. Some of it was hard to hear, but I think it helps me understand her more to know the things she told me. I learned a lot about her education, her familiy's religious beliefs and how that affected her growing up. I found out so many things I never knew. Somehow, everything was just right that day .

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Do the radio stations all over the country suck as bad as ours do????? I'd almost rather sit in silence than hear all the sold out artists that we play on our local station. That's why I appreciate all the weird underground bands that actually have their own sound.

I look around me and see so many people in their daily hustle and wish for everyone that they could just sit back and relax. Everyone is always in such a hurry. It's hard to stop and appreciate the little things when you live like that. I try not to be lazy, but I definitely try to take some time out for myself every day. We all need that.

"Life is what happens when you're busy making plans"------John LennonI think he knew what he was talking about......Take some time out and sit back and enjoy....You deserve it!!!

Friday, June 24, 2005

Today was Ryan's niece's (Saige) 3rd birthday party. I was sad that I had to miss it since I was at work. I just got off the phone with her......she told me she loves me!! What a sweetheart!!! It is amazing to me how well I can actually have a conversation with her. We only talked for a few minutes, but it was worth all the money in the world. She told me about her party and her presents and thanked me for my gift without being told to say it. We talked about me being at work and how she was sad that I wasn't there. Every word came out with such enthusiasm that it was hard not to smile while talking to her.

It's kind of like looking back at mt own childhood and trying not to smile. It's impossible. So many good memories. So many goofy things that I did with my friends and family. Childhood is so precious. I only wish there was some way to realize that at the time. But I guess if we were all thinking that deeply at that age, it would ruin the fun. It is such a blessing to be a child and not have the everyday worries that we adults deal with day in and day out.

Spending time with kids is one of the best forms of therapy ever. I wish we could be as light hearted and care free. It's nice to be able to escape all our troubles, even if it is only for a brief time. I am so thankful for that. So this is a "Thank You" to little Saige for helping me escape for a few minutes tonight.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Why is it that when something goes wrong, everything else seems to go to crap all at once?

This is just the beginning of it...........About a month ago, I was in a wreck with a couple of my fiends. Fortunately none of us were badly injured. Just a few scrapes and bruises. We got hit head on by a drunk driver who actually walked (or stumbled) away from the scene. My friends and I are still stuck with the memories of being hit head on, just about wetting our pants, slamming our heads into seats and airbags..it was great. However, our buddy, the drunk guy, woke up in jail the next day with no recollection of anything from the previous night. I wish he remembered it as well as we do...he deserves to.

Then, a couple weeks ago, I got home from a great trip with my Honey to St. Louis only to find that my air conditioner had crapped out on me. It's been about 85-90 degrees every day, and I only have a window unit, so it's hard enough to keep the place cool when it IS working. It has been nice in the evenings, so at least I haven't lost much sleep over it. Not for the physical aspects of the problem anyway.

Then, a few days later, I come home from work, sweaty, worn out, and just dying to get in the shower. But oh no, we have no water! My damn water pump went out again! This is the 3rd pump I've replaced in the last few years. This is just rediculous!!!

OK a couple days after that, I get in this stupid accident in an alley of all places. I think me and the other lady were maybe going a whole 5-10 miles an hour...remember, it was an alley!!! So, I'm looking at my car thinking "this won't be too bad, maybe a few hundred dollars worth of damage." But the people who did my estimate and I apparently don't think much alike. They gave me a whopping grand total of $1899.00!!!!! I think it's criminal! Plus, I was really mad because I just paid the car off about a month ago.

So, needless to say, none of these problems are cheap to fix. They always say God won't give you more than you can handle. I've said it before...He must think I'm Wonder Woman or something....I'm going crazy here!!!! If God could just drop me a check, that would be great!! The only thing I can think of that maybe He's thinking is that I'll just pay for everything with the extra money I won't be giving the electric company this month because I haven't used the air conditioner or the water pump....I really don't think that'll cover it all :-)

Monday, June 20, 2005

I'm totally convinced that when my tires hit the road, it gives all the idiots in town a queue to jump into their cars and race to get in front of me!! It's amazing to me that it can take me over 20 minutes to make a six mile trip. People in my town love to get right in front of you and then just drop dead.

Are they really that oblivious to what's going on around them? Do they just sit back and smile when someone pulls out in front of them? Because, I can tell you, I DON'T!!! I'm one fo those crazy people rolling her window down asking them where they learned to drive. Hopefully I'll never do that to my boss on accident!!!

Another thing that really gets to me is the idiots that have to drive through town (where there is already an over abundance of street lights) and drive with their brights on. I have to admit that I do enjoy turning mine on and leaving them on until they pass me. Is that just as rude as them? I don't think so.

I'm beginning to be a little scared for the others on the road with me. I think I feel a huge rush of road rage getting ready to take over.

So, I went to a pretty interesting concert this weekend. "Sleepy Time Gorilla Museum" Ever heard of them? It's hard to describe their music, other than the fact that they are extremely original in their sound. They have a lot of home made and custom made instruments. Lots of percussion instruments that make sounds I've never heard, and I'm definitely not smart enough to figure out how to do that on my own.

I was so impressed. The guys would have given my mom or grandma a heart attack, but I found them to be very approachable. (They all wear dresses and paint their faces) I appreciate a band member who is not too good to talk to his fans. Some of us are very intersting!!! Some people might find "inspirational" to be the wrong word to describe these guys, but it's the best one I can think of.

I got to meet some cool people from Chicago (friends of a friend), and I got some good quality time in with my Roommate, Ryan (my Love), and a good friend of mine from work. Good times were had by all!!!!

Friday, June 17, 2005

As the last seven years have gone by since my father died, I feel that I have learned many valuable lessons. Unfortunately, I have learned a lot of them the hard way.

Life is so precious. We need to be aware of that every day. There are so many things in this world that seem to take over our ways of thinking as we get older. Money and status are not nearly as important as most people make them out to be. Yes, of course we need money to survive, but are you or me really any better than the guy across the street who only makes half as much money as we do? Certainly not!!! for all we know, he may be one of the happiest people on the block.

Everyone is so unique and there is so much to be known about one another. I am so thankful for the fact that I am alive and healthy. I have a wonderful, loving family. I am happy with myself for how I treat others. I think there's a lot to be said for that.

My best lesson ever came from losing my father and realizing how precious our short time together was. He was the best teacher in the world. He always taught me that the "Golden Rule" will get me far in life. That has proven to be so true. I try to treat everyone just as I would hope to be treated. This has carried me through many difficult times, and it has helped me carry others through their difficulties as well.

Attics of my Life

About Me

I am a 33 year old female going on 16. I still get carded for cigarettes. I'm finally getting to the age that I appreciate that.
I am an x-ray technologist and also the clinical instructor for the school of radiography for St. Vincent Hospital. Basically that means I teach people how to become an x-ray tech.
I have 3 mini dachshunds and a big fat beagle. Those are my children.
I'm a struggling guitar novice, but I love to pick around. I also play a little piano.
I love to go to concerts and festivals. I love to travel, even though I don't go very far very often.
My husband and I volunteer for a no-kill animal rescue in our hometown. We have been foster parents for several animals, and helped them find their new forever homes.
Living life to its fullest is my daily goal.