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Benny came to the birthday party because his mom had volunteered him to help supervise the children. He must have felt out of place being the lone teenage boy amidst a flock of over-excited six-year-old girls, but we welcomed his presence. We saw him as a sort of prop that we could manipulate in our imaginary games - a living, breathing human that would submit to pretending to be whatever we wanted it to pretend to be. On that particular day, we wanted to play a game called "wolf pack" which we had invented after watching a documentary about the hunting tactics of wolves.

We swarmed Benny as he was preparing to pour himself a glass of apple juice.

As a 13-year-old boy, Benny probably did not relish the idea of wasting an entire day entertaining us. But he was a good-natured young man, and he had agreed to help keep us out of trouble, so he reluctantly asked us what we wanted to play.

Us: "Wolf pack!"

Benny: "How do you play 'wolf pack'?"

Us: "We're the wolves and you're the deer. We close our eyes and count to twenty and you run away. Then we try to find you and catch you!"

Benny: "Okay. Where do you want to play?"

Us: "In the forest!"

Benny followed us outside and we led him deep into the vast expanse of backwoods wilderness that was to be our playing field. We reached a small clearing and decided to start the game there. We yelled at Benny, "Now run away!"

And we began to count.

Benny scurried off into the forest, calling out behind himself to help make the game easier for us. He thought we would have trouble finding and catching him.

What Benny did not know was that we were incredibly serious about the realistic aspects of "wolf pack." In our wildly vivid imaginations, we were actually wolves and Benny was actually a deer.

We found him almost immediately.

Benny probably would have tried harder if he knew that losing the game involved so much biting. But he did not expect that the game would be so true to life. I'm sure it was quite painful for him, but that was a necessary casualty for the game to feel convincing and fun.

Benny fought bravely, but there were too many of us and he was handicapped by his reluctance to punch and kick a bunch of six-year-olds. We wrestled him to the ground and bit him repeatedly until we were satisfied that we had "killed" him.

At that point, Benny had two options: he could stand there and try to reason with us until we finished counting and mauled him again, or he could flee and try to find his way back to the safety of the house before we caught him.

Benny chose fleeing.

But it was starting to get dark and the woods were unfamiliar to Benny. There were labyrinths of footprints, left behind from our previous forest adventures, providing a confusing web of false trails. He desperately clawed his way through the underbrush in a random direction that he hoped was the right one, but he only had twenty seconds and things weren't looking good for him. We finished counting and took off after him.

Benny was faster than us, but we greatly outnumbered him and we were able to strategically "herd" him into a clearing where we surrounded him and went in for the kill.

Benny had severely underestimated our hunting and maiming capabilities. We were not like ordinary little girls who frittered away their time hosting tea parties and pretending to be princesses. We had spent countless hours out in the forest, sharpening our hunting tactics on imaginary prey and we finally had an opportunity to put all of our practice to use on a real thing that would run away from us and struggle for survival. Unfortunately for Benny, we had not yet developed the ability to empathize with the pain and suffering of other people, and his terrified fleeing was pretty much the most fun thing that had ever happened to us.

Once again, we let him stand up after we were satisfied that we had bitten him enough times.

It became clear to Benny that he was going to have to play the game over and over and over until he could find his way back to the house. He had to make the most of the 20 seconds we gave him to flee and try to make as much progress as possible in between maulings.

We were exhausted from all of the chasing, but we weren't ready to stop playing, so we began to rely much more heavily on stealth. We stalked Benny through the darkening woods, waiting for him to make himself vulnerable to attack.

The psychological torment of waiting to be attacked was almost worse than the attacks themselves. We darted around in the shadows, snapping twigs and making strange growling noises. We sounded like tiny chainsaws.

We would have continued to torture Benny for hours, possibly even days, but our parents called us home for birthday cake.

We cared about cake more than we cared about Benny, so we abandoned him in the woods and ran back to the house. Benny heard us being called, but he couldn't see where we went from his hiding spot. He tried to follow our shrieking voices, but just ended up getting turned around.

At first, no one noticed that we had arrived back at the house without Benny, but the topic did eventually come up.

My mom: "Where's Benny?"

Us: "Outside."

My mom: "Doesn't he want some cake?"

Us: "No."

My mom: "He should at least come inside and get warm..."

Us: "He's fine."

We didn't actually know if Benny was okay, but we wanted cake and talking about Benny wasn't bringing us any closer to that goal.

Eventually, the adults went looking for him. They tromped into the woods with flashlights, yelling "BEEENNNNYYYYY! BENNNNYYYYYYYYY!" They were startled to hear loud crashing and branches snapping behind them, but it turned out to be Benny. He stumbled into the pool of light cast by the flashlight.

Benny's mom: "Benny, what are you doing?"

Benny: "Where are they?"

My mom: "The girls? They came back an hour ago, are you still out here looking for them?"

Benny: "No."

Benny's Mom: ".... Well, you should really come up to the house, sweetie. It's cold out here."

And so Benny got to come back to the house. When he walked through the door, we ran over to him and hugged his legs. "Bennybennybennybenny!" we shrieked. Bennybennybennybennybennybenny! We brought him a huge piece of cake on the most special plate we could find, and we watched him eat it to make sure he was enjoying it.

When he finally had to go home, we cried out after him, "Benny, are you coming back? When are you coming back to play with us?" Benny's mom remarked about how cute it was that we loved him so much, "isn't that just adorable, Benny? They really seem to like you!" She assured us that Benny would come back to play with us soon.

oh the tension of those woods images. The stray flash of color. This is brilliant.

It also reminds me of some 3 year old girls I once cared for who trapped a "deer" in their playhouse. I was drawn to their play by the low hum of something I couldn't make out. When I got closer, I could hear them chanting menacingly, "Let's kill him. Let's kill him. Let's eat him. Let's eat him."

I never quite got over that. And I've never looked at three year old girls quite the same way.

What makes this even funnier for me is that my daughter will be 6 in a couple of months and her big brother will still be 13 at her party... which he has to attend...and will have to play with the kids...I wonder if I have enough time to hone my daughters hunting skills...

this sounds completely familiar and completely terrible. the other day i was jumped on by 2 6-8 year old girls, one in which was smacking me in the face with my very own hat, and the other which was trying to steal my phone and throw it in the pond in which i was mid text to my gf. what is wrong with 6 year old girls

I'm the eldest of 6 and this reminded me of how when we were kids, during the summer time we would go in the woods and play "Bear". I don't remember the exact rules of the game, but I remember it was more fun and terrifying in the dark, and there was a lot of stealth, growling noises and chasing involved. :)

Both my sister and I showed a similar tenacity for human-chewing. And pretending to be animals that shared that disposition. And generally doing precise and deadly damage to plates of cake. What I'm saying is, we should get together with some like-minded freaks and play wolfpack. All we need is a prepubescent victim child to be our Benny. Yes.

Ha, I love it. One of my favorite games as a kid was pretending to be in the olympics..my friends and I would get in position, lift our arms and say "okay, now I do three somersaults and two back flips and land perfectly." Isn't it amazing how easily entertained we were as kids?

I legitimately thought this post would end with you guys stalking Benny home that night, strategically hiding out in his bedroom and making strange "tiny chainsaw" noises while he wept quietly and pulled the covers up over his head, watching the shadows of six-year-old girls with dripping fangs advance on his blanketed, trembling form.

Allie, you're awesome. I've been creeping along for a while now and decided it was high time I comment on a post, since I think I may have had a dream last night in which you and I were blowing bubbles and rolling down a giant hill until we had to run away from a rabid sheep.

Wow. Just... wow. Great story, vividly painted (in words and in fact). We played this game a lot as kids too, but without the biting. As I was the oldest of several siblings, I would have had no problem smacking the little ones, and they knew it, so they were less concerned with realism.

The image of a little pack of Wolf-Girls stalking this young man through the snowy woods, nigh unto the point of his death, is an image I shall treasure for days. Whenever I need to smile this week, I will remember this. I'm still laughing to the point that I think I may lose bladder control soon. Hilarious!

I can totally relate to Benny... I had to help with my cousin's birthday parties and kids are evil. Not to mention that babysitting my cousins was a lot different than babysitting a handful of kids... or any two cousins at the same time. LOL

LOL & I just checked this very morning to see if there was a post (& I don't usually check).

Where the heck did ya'll find poor Benny??? This is hilarious and at my current age of almost 30, I can see myself becoming overwhelmed by a ravenous pack of 6 year olds in much the same way that young Benny was.

It is probably indicative of my extreme nerdiness that when I read this story, I totally went "OMG, TINY MAENADS! HOW AWESOME!" Unfortunately for Benny, I guess no one informed him of how rough it is to play Dionysus...

That was absolutely terrifying. Worse than anything Wes Craven or Eli Roth could come up with. Which goes to show you, there is nothing scarier than a bunch of freaky-ass children. hahahaha. haha . ha..wimper

I LOVE the pictures! They are amazing! Poor poor Benny, he had NO idea what he was getting into.

I was a quiet little girl who liked to play games in my mine and ignore most people. But there was the odd instance where I would play SheWoman or My Little Pony with my friends. I think I liked SheWoman the best. We got to beat on the boys. :-D

Reminds me of my days as a nanny. One time little Melissa had three friends over for a play date while their parents went out. They decided to play "dinosaur hunter"... and I was the dinosaur. For some reason a successful dinosaur hunt ended with them literally lassoing me around the neck with a piece of twine, hauling me to the ground, jumping on my stomach, and then shoving me under a piece of furniture. My screams of pain and humiliation only excited the little dinosaur hunters further.

The anticipation for this blog post was probably at the same unbearable level as Benny felt between each attack. But in a good way. 8DNow I really want to know you and your 6 year old friends DID ever play with Benny again. If he did ever see you for a second time, I can just imagine him cowering in the corner of a room in fetal position. YIKES.

This was very good, but it felt sort of abrupt at the beginning; I think it could use a slightly longer introduction. When did this happen, who's party was it, etc. It sort of seemed like the first paragraph got cut out somehow.

That poor Benny! I don't feel too much bad for him though, it could have been worse. You guys could have watched a hyena hunting tactic video and gotten yourselves thrown in seven little solitary confinement cells!!

I just want you to know that I am having a super-terribly-horrible day, but when a friend notified me of your new post I immediately started grinning at the prospect of a new story. It didn't disappoint! I even laughed! ahahahahahahaha! See!

Very funny texts and drawings, as all the others before. The forest views are really pretty, too--new technique! Reminds me of my (less physically risky) babysitting, as a teen: fourty million gazillion interminable repetitions of what to me was the same game: kid/animal gets lost, me/babysitter looks and looks, and finally finds lost kid/animal. "It's not the same game! It's a bird/dog/cat/mouse/tiger/horse/etc., and not a...." Hah! How are you able to remember so very clearly what was going on in your head as a little kid? However you do it, please keep writing and drawing. You bring a much needed smile to lots of people (me, too!).P.S., in the time that it took me to write and preview this message, at least ten other people had posted comments!

I'm guessing that Benny never had children as an adult. Now that I think of it... Only one of my five younger brothers ever had children. Could it have been the torture I inflicted on them when we were kids?

P.S. My brother's daughter is now inflicting her own kind of torture on her uncles.... Thank goodness there was only one girl!

I'm guessing that Benny never had children as an adult. Now that I think of it... Only one of my five younger brothers ever had children. Could it have been the torture I inflicted on them when we were kids?

P.S. My brother's daughter is now inflicting her own kind of torture on her uncles.... Thank goodness there was only one girl!

I'm guessing that Benny never had children as an adult. Now that I think of it... Only one of my five younger brothers ever had children. Could it have been the torture I inflicted on them when we were kids?

P.S. My brother's daughter is now inflicting her own kind of torture on her uncles.... Thank goodness there was only one girl!

I'm guessing that Benny never had children as an adult. Now that I think of it... Only one of my five younger brothers ever had children. Could it have been the torture I inflicted on them when we were kids?

P.S. My brother's daughter is now inflicting her own kind of torture on her uncles.... Thank goodness there was only one girl!

I'm guessing that Benny never had children as an adult. Now that I think of it... Only one of my five younger brothers ever had children. Could it have been the torture I inflicted on them when we were kids?

P.S. My brother's daughter is now inflicting her own kind of torture on her uncles.... Thank goodness there was only one girl!

I'm guessing that Benny never had children as an adult. Now that I think of it... Only one of my five younger brothers ever had children. Could it have been the torture I inflicted on them when we were kids?

P.S. My brother's daughter is now inflicting her own kind of torture on her uncles.... Thank goodness there was only one girl!

Delightful! Reminds me of recently when I perhaps had a wee bit too much to drink and decided to play zombies vs humans. Pretty sure there was blood. However I lack the creativity to depict the story in such a manner as yourself.

Well, not exactly long time. I've stumbled upon your more recent posts via various links here and there, and always though them to be awesome. But, I had exams for the past two weeks and remembered "what was that funny pinkish girl comic site called?" Long story short, your blog has been the most helpful procrastination tool ever. I think I've read every last word of it!

As are the rest, this is a hilarious post.

Thanks, and keep it up (or down, or kinda in the middle, wherever you want to keep it really, it's your blog)!

I'm guessing that Benny never had children as an adult. Now that I think of it... Only one of my five younger brothers ever had children. Could it have been the torture I inflicted on them when we were kids?

P.S. My brother's daughter is now inflicting her own kind of torture on her uncles.... Thank goodness there was only one girl!

I'm guessing that Benny never had children as an adult. Now that I think of it... Only one of my five younger brothers ever had children. Could it have been the torture I inflicted on them when we were kids?

P.S. My brother's daughter is now inflicting her own kind of torture on her uncles.... Thank goodness there was only one girl!

I'm guessing that Benny never had children as an adult. Now that I think of it... Only one of my five younger brothers ever had children. Could it have been the torture I inflicted on them when we were kids?

P.S. My brother's daughter is now inflicting her own kind of torture on her uncles.... Thank goodness there was only one girl!

I can remember playing similar games as a kid. Except being the evil children we were and having the whole wilderness of interior Alaska to play in, we would pick the weakest child in our group to play the victim as the rest of us stalked him or her from trees, brush, and other assorted cover....

I remember thinking how genius we all were when we realized that we could stash "weapons" (eg. rocks, sticks, homemade slingshots) in trees and bushes to make our hunt that much more thrilling...

Looking back it sounds more like the plot to a bad slasher flick instead of a game created by the minds of children...

A) I love your blog.B) I have complete faith in youC) this was not the best ive read. Just kinda is there. I know you work hard to write funny an interesting stuff, and succeed 9/10. This one's 1/10.D) Fantastic wolf drawings.

Hahahah awesome.. SWEET wolves by the way. I was seriously impressed. I have a friend that I call Benny so naturally I pictured him being mauled alive by a dozen little girls and couldn't hold back the giggles. Great post!!! :)

As a child, I played something similar... but my friends and I called it "moving in stealth", and we did it to strangers. We didn't bite them, but I am sure we scared the shit out of some people. What we were doing running around at night by ourselves is still beyond me.

Ah Mah Gahd! Ah Tahtallah Lahve Thas! Thanks for the new post, only today I was re-reading through some of your archive and thinking wowzers, what I wouldn't give to have a blog and a mouse trackpad too... oh. Maybe I COULD give it a go as well! Would be nowhere near as good though. But I am unemployed at the moment and could very well make use of some of the time I'm generally spending eating Nutella on toast, in order to work on comic genius instead.

I do do Improv comedy, and I think you have a very honed sense of comic timing, which I awe, yes I awe it. Anyway, I'm flinging lots of virtual respect at you across the Atlantic, from Lahndahn Ahngland. Peas x

This should totally be in slideshow format. I got way too impatient and skipped through the snow scenes entirely too fast... I must learn to savor. It's much more enjoyable that way. (Hehe... that's what she said)

I've been following you since the road trip with dogs - my favorite. Very clever viewpoints - both verbal and visual. I love the drawing looking down on the girls with all their teeth showing. Like pirana.

How do you draw these? Are they virtual or do the drawings exist in the real world?