Hello-hello Destructoid! I'm your friendly blogger-next-door, Evan, but you're all welcome to call me EarthbounderNess. Actually, I lied about the friendly part, I don't like any of you. In fact, I loathe all of you so much, I'm not next door either, I'm inside your house, in your kitchen, eating all of your food that doesn't suck.

I'm a 23 year old, double jobbin drone, totally livin the "sweet life". I have an unhealthy obsession with dressing up on days other than Halloween about once every other month. See below?

Cliche as it is, I'm a man of many faces.

Cosplay is a huge love of mine, right alongside video games. You can call me names because of it if you want, just don't throw anything at my head, I need to protect my beautiful face.

Really though I just hope you all enjoy what little bits of crap I shell out here. If you don't enjoy any of it, then drop me a PM saying how much you hate me and how I need to go eat paint chips, I won't take too much offense. Promise.

So I'm gonna keep this news short and sweet since I'm 3 minutes past my lunch break as it is. But for those of you that plan on getting Lost Planet 2 and enjoy playing as a sunglasses wearing, slicked back blond bastard with a nice big revolver, get your ass down to the store and pre-order it.

If you didn't understand that here:

YOU GET ALBERT WESKER AS A PLAYABLE CHARACTER IF YOU PRE-ORDER LOST PLANET 2.

Because it told me that if I let it have its way with me, that I'd get to go to PAX in return. And you know what? I've got tickets up to Seattle on Virgin Airlines ready to print out! I also now have a rare STD that no doctor has ever seen before, they don't know what to name it and its really too graphic of a condition to describe to anyone here...But I'm still going to PAX! I love you Destructoid.

Also I love Jimbo, Pikeman, Dax, Zilch, Jack and everyone else from PS3 FNF and I can't wait to play with you guys again once I get my real network up and running here. Also I also love the PC D-toid players too. 360 users can go fuck themselves, except Colette and Tazar, but especially Tactix (Not really though, I love you guys too. Except Tactix).

Recently, as a requirement for a resume submission to a game company, applicants were requested to write up a mock game analysis/review for one of their latest favorite games. I’m not sure if they had just wanted a single paragraph analysis or a full on article, but I went for the latter option in my submission. I figured maybe a couple of you would enjoy the read, since the game I focused on was BlazBlue, which comes out for PS3 and 360 in just a week from today, for those of you who have forgotten (This is a review of the arcade version, so sorry to those folks who clicked on this review expecting a fleshed out review on the console's story mode!). I tried to keep the review focused on Blazblue as a standalone game, and not compare it to Guilty Gear too much, in hopes that it will provide a decent enough view of the game for people not familiar with the GG franchise. Hope you enjoy.

Have you ever wondered what the outcome would be if a gun slinging femme fatale of a world governing organization went toe-to-toe with a Lolita clad descendant of Dracula? How about a warped manifestation of a Hayao Miyazaki creature going up against a lycanthropic cat-girl with claws that put Wolverine’s to shame? Of course you have, why wouldn’t you wonder about those scenarios!? So it must be good to know that all the answers to them can be found in Arc System Works’ latest fighter, BlazBlue: Calamity Trigger. Sporting a 1-on-1 battle system against either a computer or human opponent, BlazBlue is the spiritual successor to Arc System Works’ well known 2-D fighting franchise, Guilty Gear. While it may be similar to its predecessor in some aspects of gameplay mechanics, BlazBlue stands out on its own for more reasons than one.

Graphically, the game sets a new standard for 2-D fighters. The anime inspired designs of the characters give each a unique and instantly recognizable look both in and out of battle. During matches players are graced with high resolution; hand drawn sprites loaded hundreds of animations, making every action performed in battle a beautiful display of incredibly fluid animated carnage to both observers and players alike. Outside of matches, during combatant selection and character interaction scenes within story mode, players will find vividly detailed artwork of the insane crew of BlazBlue. However, the cast of the game isn’t the only thing that shines graphically; pseudo 3-D backgrounds seen during battles are another sight to behold. Not only are the backgrounds gorgeously rendered and aesthetically pleasing, but some even respond to actions performed by the characters in game.

A perfect example of the background response to character actions is the Lolita vampiress, Rachel’s stage. Set in a field of roses with gothic architecture littered about in the background, the roses of the stage will sway according to the direction of the wind created by Rachel’s ability “Sylphide”. This ability isn’t executed like the ones you would typically find in any other fighter however, it’s activated with the simple press of the D button. “D” in this case is the button allocation corresponding to the usage of each character’s individual ability known as a Drive. Each Drive is unique; Rachel has her manipulation of wind with “Sylphide”, whilst her target of odd interest, Ragna the Bloodedge, has the “Soul Eater” ability, allowing him to drain his opponent’s life with every successful hit.

Aside from the Drives, each character has their own set of basic, special, super (known as Distortion Drives) attacks and even One-Hit K.O. “Astral Heat” attacks. While these attacks all sport their individual looks and uses as well, none are as unique as the Drive abilities (some attacks serve similar purposes, I.E. projectiles being used to keep distance between the player and opponent). With a wide array of attacks in hand, each character can string certain attacks into one another, allowing the player to unleash devastating combos that may seem endless to his or her opponent. In addition to these combos, BlazBlue also features more advanced techniques such as countering, ukemi tactics, and attack cancelling, which to used practically in battle present a fairly steep learning curve that may scare away some of the more casual players. But, for those willing to put forth the time and effort, they’ll find much reward in learning how to use these techniques to their full advantage.

Although the advanced level of play may divert some more casual players, there are still aspects of the game that many of them will find incredibly enjoyable. Aside from the animation and artwork, the audio is equally, if not more impressive. The OST for BlazBlue is composed by Daisuke Ishiwatari, most well known for composing the Guilty Gear franchise’s soundtracks. The songs in BlazBlue are incredibly diverse, ranging from heavy metal guitar riffs to operatic robot hymns. Not only does every character in the game have a unique theme song; but the menus, loading screens and parts of the game where the soundtrack would otherwise go unnoticed, have memorable themes as well.

Together, BlazBlue’s elements make for an incredibly entertaining experience that even veterans of Arc System Works’ previous star franchise will find enjoyable. With a cast of 12 characters, multiple endings, and incredible levels of depth that go into learning each character, the replay value of BlazBlue is amazing, and grows even more when competitive play against non-computer players is factored in. With so many possible tactics, combos and mind games that can be utilized by human opponents, the replayability becomes insurmountable. BlazBlue is a “must play” for any fan of the fighter genre and is worth a look even for those not knee deep in the world of Fighters. After all, who can pass up a chance to discover the conclusion of a brawl between a 10-year old, mechanical maid wielding puppeteer going up against a ninja-turned-superhero with a 6-foot tall nail for a weapon?

Side Note: For those who didn't get the joke of the title, I was attempting to take a pot shot at the arcadeelitists that try and correct people when they call it "Blay-ze Blue". Sunnyvale Arcade goers here, anyone?

Well first off, let me just say that I love you Destructoid. I love you like Jim Sterling loves Dynasty Warriors, like Yojimbo loves beards, like Colette loves chocobos and like Chad loves dolphins. Also I guess I love Niero, since he's the father of the site, but that's a platonic love. I suppose Samit also gets a bit of love, but only a little, since I'm saving up the rest for a rainy day (That's really a lie though, he gets just as much as everyone else).

Now take all that love that I just laid out for you and imagine it transforming into a wonderful song. A song that should be read in the voice of Marylin Monroe.

Happy Birthday to youHappy Birthday to youHappy Birthday Destructoid, Niero and Samit~Happy Birthday to you

Did I just blow your mind with the sheer amount of emotion and amazingness in that song!? You're damn right I did. But what if I told you that I could make that song even BETTER? Did I just make you piss yourself? Sorry, but you'll have to wait to clean that up until later because I'm about to take you all for the ride of your life!

Here we go... So take that song, but at the same time that it's being sung in your head (Still in Marylin Monroe's voice), look at the following picture:

Are you ready for it?

You sure?

Alright then...

Start that singing in your head and BEHOLD

Best Happy Birthday or BEST Happy Birthday? I think you all know the answer. Barf bags are under your seat by the way.

Friends, comrades, compadres. It's been made fairly clear that there are a good number of you out there that are upset with Capcom's recently released title, Resident Evil 5. Whether it be due to the online deathmatch mode, Sheva's AI, the story or anything else, heed my call. I come to you today with a message. A message that I hope will help to calm all of you and alleviate your anger so that you may avoid causing a blood vessel in your brain to burst, killing yourself instantly. So please, before you take the time to write out a 5 paragraph blog about how much you want to shove Sheva into a woodchipper, just remember this:

I don't think I could have said it any better myself Mr. Wesker with a very deformed left arm.

So before you all go posting your angry hate filled blogs in regards to RE5: Just listen to Albert fucking Wesker. He'll kill you otherwise, I'm not joking. Seriously.

In honor of SF IV and inspired by Infinitys End's Chun-Li Photoshop, I decided to merge the game's newest femme femme fatale, C. Viper with D-toid's favorite retro-girl, C. Bennett. She may not be the star of the new Street Fighter movie, but why would she want to be anyways? It's not like it'll surpass the original. And as you can probably guess, I had a bit too much time on my hands.

Edited with Garison's suggestion as well at the bottom.

I probably could have spent the time I took making this to write up an actual article, but honestly this was a lot more fun that typing out all those difficult words like "Playing", "Review" and "?".

And here is my absolutely horrible attempt at turning Chad into M. Bison, as Rab requested. Please don't laugh too hard at my feeble attempt, I can feel humiliation from thousands of miles away.

Anyways, hope some of you enjoy. For those of you that don't, leave me alone or I'll cry. And if you do enjoy and for some forsaken reason want me to do someone else, say so in the comments.