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Updated on
March 12, 2008,
M.M.
asks from Arlington, TX
on
March 11, 2008

3-Year-old Refuses to Poop in Potty, Only in Diaper

My 3-year-old daughter is potty-trained for pee and has no trouble with it; she wears panties most of the day. But when it comes to poop, she does not want to use the potty and demands a diaper. Last week, I managed to get her to poop on the potty twice using small toys and ice cream as rewards. But this week, it's back to diapers. I am afraid not to give her a diaper because she has constipation problems and I don't want her to hold it in. But I wonder if it's a control issue, with her wanting to be in control. She is on Miralax and so this makes her poop very loose, but she has enough warning to know when she has to go because she will go get a diaper. This has been going on for months and my husband and I feel enough is enough, but again, we don't want her to hold it in. When we refuse to give a diaper, she generally starts pooping in her panties. It does not seem that there is a reward in the world that would make her poop consistently in the potty. I have practically offered the moon! I am very frustrated because she doesn't seem to be making any headway. Our doctor told us to put her back in diapers until she will poop in the potty, but I think she would gladly go back in diapers - being dirty and wet does not seem to bug her a whole lot.

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P.S.
answers from Dallas
on
March 12, 2008

M., I have been a childcare provider for many years. One of
the things I have learned is SOME kids think that part of them
is going down the toilet and they are afraid. You might try
putting her poop down the toilet and let her flush. (Try and
make it a fun thing) Since she likes to be in control, SHE will probably want to do it herself which gives you the opportunity to tell her when she goes poopoo, she will be putting it in the toilet all by herself. She will see she
is still all there and she doesn't feel different.

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M.M.
answers from Dallas
on
March 12, 2008

Maybe if she was going to start dancing classes. Ballet shoes, tap shoes, leotard and tights. Great incentive and dancing teaches won't take them until they are completly potty trained. It has worked for many little girls.
I know we owned a dance studio.

M., I have been a childcare provider for many years. One of
the things I have learned is SOME kids think that part of them
is going down the toilet and they are afraid. You might try
putting her poop down the toilet and let her flush. (Try and
make it a fun thing) Since she likes to be in control, SHE will probably want to do it herself which gives you the opportunity to tell her when she goes poopoo, she will be putting it in the toilet all by herself. She will see she
is still all there and she doesn't feel different.

i know it sounds harsh but i know of several parents who have done this....make her wash out her poopy panties...she will hate it!!! and it should only take a few times of that and she will be pooping in the potty . it is an attention thing ...she has control of you by giving in to her wants. when she gets a diaper and you know it is time for her to poop...put her on the potty and if she doesnt go then put her panties back on and if she poops in them than put her in the tub...with the warm water running and squirt some soap in her panties and make her wash them out... its called tough love and it will be hard for you at first but when she starts going in the potty u will be glad.

I just went through this with my youngest and my oldest was the exact same way. They were both day/night trained. It was fear - ask her what her fears are and discuss it. My oldest said things like, "it wasn't loud. it didn't splash me, etc." the first time she went- she was truely afraid! It sounds so funny, but to her it wasn't. It seems like I had a harder time with my youngest, but maybe b/c I wasn't distracted with a baby this time. She would go on the potty for a couple days, and then scream/cry for a diaper. I would give in b/c I didn't want her to become constipated by holding it, or create some other problem. I'm pretty wimpy though, and I figured it would come... I just kept trying, asking, rewarding, praising, and now~ she goes on the potty. (this is after a few months)Good Luck!

My oldest son was the same way. He wouldn't ask for a diaper, he would go in his underware. I kept throwing his favorite Thomas the Train underware away and he got mad at me because he loved them so much. He eventually started going in the potty. It wasn't a tactic I meant to employ, I was just grossed out trying to clean the underware. Lucky for me it worked. I felt so frustrated during the process and got MANY books on potty training and they all just tell you how to get them to go on the potty. They never call out about how to specifically train the "pooping on the potty" part. You will be surprised with your son, I bet he poops before he pees. My youngest son was that way. Good Luck!

My son did this when he was 2. I had him completely potty trained for peeing but not for poop. He would bring me a diaper. The 1st time he did this I made him sit on the potty but he didn't go-instead he held it for a couple of days. So from then on I would put him in the diaper to poop and I didn't make a big deal about it. In several months he was pooping on the potty. I don't believe this is a control issue-if so then I believe that she wouldn't pee either. Some kids just don't like the fact of letting a part of them be flushed away and for some it's scary to sit on a big object when they rather curl up in a corner to go. At this age they go through so many changes and to some it's very scary. So I would just put the diaper on her to poop-before I would put it on her I would give her a choice as to potty or diaper,and when she chooses diaper I wouldn't make a big deal of it. Give it a few weeks/months and see if it gets any better. Sometimes if we would just back off a bit we would see that most things work out themselves.

I don't think our situations are the same, but the only way I was able to get my son to poop on the potty was to give him a book. I don't know why, but he refused to poop in the potty. He said he just couldn't do it. So, we gave him a book to read while on the potty. It worked the first time. We didn't have any problems after that. He was so excited he had to show everyone in the house his poop...

if you go back to diapers she will never come back! i know someone that have a 5 year old in diapers just because the daughter is more stubborn than the mom! we went through this with my son and it ended up being a combo of 2 things. first and formost, i told him he could wear his diapers whenever he wanted untill they were all gone. then, no more! i reminded him everytime he wanted one that it was ok for now, but soon, no more and when they were all gone that was it. we've had to wash out a few pairs of underwear, but he's good now. poop in a diaper feels totaly different from in underwear. good luck! we also ended up buying a little potty just for him(my daughter never needed one)