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Is this man into me?

January 19th, 2018, 09:03 AM

I really need some help understanding this man.... I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years, I currently live with him, his mother & her husband... we have two beautiful children. Throughout the 5 years we have been together, I have been physically, emotionally and verbally abused, cheated on, and overall just undermined by my boyfriend. I have convinced myself that this is what Love is. Our sex life is very dull, and plain. It never use to be, buts it’s gotten that way. Recently, a friend of his mothers been staying with us for personal reasons, and at first, it was nothing but a new person in our home. We have gone clubbing together a few times, and we always end up dancing together. He’s a Spanish man, so he knows how to move. He taught me how to dance in a matter of minutes. He held my body and directed my hips to the music. We came home one night and everybody was upstairs and I found myself very drunk and seducing him... I confessed my attraction to him and he explained to me that it is very wrong for what we are doing. Nothing got physically, but there was alot kissing and touching going on, and that’s all he allowed to happen. He asked that I relax and go to bed to avoid any problems. After that night, things were very odd and I felt like I should just stay away from him and say nothing. Over the course of 2 weeks, he asked me if I’d like to learn how to cook Spanish food, and I of course agreed. My boyfriend came home to us cooking and he thought it was a little odd, but he was okay with it. We had fun, laughed, and sang. While we were eating, he was saying something about going to the club, to the husband in the house, so they went together, and I went out with a friend. I ended up seeing him out at the club, but I waited to see if he’d come for me this time, and he did. We danced and danced all night, we came home all together, I said nothing and went straight to bed. After that day, my boyfriends mother decided to move to another state, and she gave my boyfriend and I the option to come along in the next two weeks. I was set on going with my boyfriend, but I knew time was limited with the friend in the house. I texted the friend one night, and confessed that I wanted him, and I could tell he wanted me. We ended up cooking together the day after I texted him, and he dedicated a song to me, and the song was basically a man and a woman, saying how badly they want each other. From that moment, I listened to the song, day & night. I wasn’t sure if he truly wanted me. Recently he stayed home from work this past Tuesday, and he stayed in his room all day, up until an hour before my boyfriend came home. Within that hour, I pushed my self onto him and kissed him gently, but then his hand went to my face to move my hair out of the way, and he looked me in the eyes, and pursed to passionately kiss me. I then told him how bad I wanted him, and he seemed willing to give me his all, but he didn’t. He sat down, and we just talked. We have always talked about our own personal lives/ issues. I told him about my boyfriend and I, and he said, “ I notice everything in this house, I notice that you have very little help with the children, I notice that your boyfriend does not show you love, unless he has done something wrong, I also have noticed that you will never forget that girl he cheated on you with, because you’re always bringing her up” he confessed how much he pays attention to the little things that go on with myself, and my boyfriend and I. Once my boyfriend came home, we parted ways, and left it at that. The longing for him and wanting him was even stronger now. He texted me Wednesday afternoon and we just talked about how we wanted each other, and then he told me he was going to stay home on Thursday from work. So I patiently waited for my Wednesday to hurry and pass, for Thursday morning to come. He asked me that morning if I’d take him to run some errands, so I did. He played music, and he sang to me, he also invited me to sing with him and act playful, but i am very shy.... so I did anyways. We got back home, and we went upstairs and I asked him to come lay in my bed with me, but he refused to invade my space that I share with my boyfriend, so i respected that. We eneded up in the guest room, and we started kissing, and out of no where, he pushed me onto the bed, gets on top of me, fully clothed, pins my arms above my head, and starts kissing me passionately again. I am breathing so rapidly and shaking from being nervous, but I still wanted him very much, if not more. He then turned me over onto my stomach, pinned my arms next to my sides, moved my hair away from my neck, and starts kissing my neck. I am shaking FOR him at this point.... he started grinding on me, showing me what he is capable of doing. I told him I had to go, and as I left, he pinned me on against the wall, slid his hand down my pants, and started touching me... I couldn’t contain my moans, so he put his hand over my mouth, “shhhh” and I gave him the most innocent, enjoyable look he has probably seen in a very long time. Once he was finished, he said “now you can go” and I said “please wait for me when I return”.... I came back home and he was in the kitchen, I wanted to go back upstairs but he seemed busy on his phone, so I just sat there on my phone, still in shock. I was expecting him to come to me, but he wasn’t, so I went and stood behind him, and started playing with the very little hair that he had, massaging his back, and he said, “you’d make a great wife”. So, from that point, we eneded up talking for about 3 hours, opening up to each other. he asked if I was going to move with my boyfriend to another state, and I said “well, now I’m unsure” and went upstairs. I had a very bad anxiety attack, and I went to lay down on the sofa with tears running down my face, I think I was getting too attached to this man and it was clouding my judgement of my future plans. He seen me crying, came over, wiped my tears away, and asked if I wanted to talk, I said no. So, he kissed my forehead, and said “if you want to talk through text, just send me a text”. So I texted him later on and expressed that he should stay away, and he said “if it’s going to help you... then I will” I couldn’t stop feeling stupid about saying that. I then texted him again, confessing how MUCH I liked him, and still have no response, but the message was read. I feel dumb now. He would never tell me to stay in a state for him, because he wants me to choose what’s going to make me happy.

What a great story. A mysterious Spanish man moves in to the same house. You go out and dance the night away and then kiss and grope in the kitchen. Then your boyfriend's mother suddenly decides to move to another state.

My advice is to not quit your day job for a writing career.

"What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

Comment

Maybe he is today....maybe he won't be next week. It's hard to say and you have a lot of commitments. I agree with you: Spanish men can be very persuasive, loving and dedicated and am lucky to have one (love of my life). If you're not happy with your boyfriend I think you should be dealing with him and focused on providing a safe and new alternative living situation for your children. You've got a lot on your plate already and you're not really dealing with the real problem: your resentment for your boyfriend and lack of romance in the relationship with the father of your kids. You should face this and deal with your resentment. Are you still staying with him because of the children or is it because you also depend on him and your mother in law for housing?

Comment

What a great story. A mysterious Spanish man moves in to the same house. You go out and dance the night away and then kiss and grope in the kitchen. Then your boyfriend's mother suddenly decides to move to another state.

My advice is to not quit your day job for a writing career.

Not to mention the lack of paragraphs.

Overall, I give it 10

"First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!