(Closed) Is he practicing? Is he teasing me? Is he playing mind games?

Ugggh, the agony of waiting. This is my first post but I’ve been a lurker for some time. I’m in the same boat as a lot of you…. “still waiting”. I love to see the girls who waited and got their proposal, it gives me hope.

I’ve been waiting for mine for a long time. We’ve been together 2 1/2 years. I was ready to get married about a year ago. He wasn’t and even stated that he wasn’t sure if I was the one. I told him I wouldn’t wait for long. Several months later he totally changed and “grew up” for lack of a better term. He started saving money, talking about 401K, wanted me to be his beneficiary, started remodeling jobs on the house, etc. Our relationship got WAY better and HE started talking about the future and getting married. Going so far as to ask if I’d be willing to be a stay at home mom because that was important to him.

Four months ago we went on a huge trip and I thought he was going to ask me to marry him then. When we got home, I was so devastated, I had to tell him how disappointed I was. When I told him this, he said, “I was going to propose to you but I didn’t have a ring because I couldn’t afford it and the trip at the same time, so now we’re looking at the holidays.” I specifically asked him not to ask me on Christmas! He said he wouldn’t.

About a month ago I had another freak out. He basically told me, that he wants to surprise me and I keep “ruining” it by bringing it up. He says he doesn’t want to ask when I’m upset about it. He says “it’s the beginning of the rest of our lives together, it should be special.” He also told me that right now should be the happiest time for us because I know he’s going to do it but I don’t know when and that is all part of the fun. While we were having this conversation he deliberatley got down on one knee. (weird.)

This past weekend I asked jokingly, “are gonna get married before I’m old?” He said yes and then kinda put his arm around me and started dancing with me in a Fred Astair sort of way…..

He’s got the money for the ring, in fact I kinda hoped he’d already bought it, but he said something about his bank balance this week that let me know he hasn’t purchased it.

Is it really even coming? I don’t know. I feel like he “teases” me about it by getting down on one knee while talking about it. Kissing my ring finger when I tell him I’m sad it hasn’t happened yet. Slow dancing when I ask if we’re getting married while I’m still fricken alive!!!

I think guys just don’t get how hard waiting is. It’s like being shown the biggest and best gift you’ve ever wanted, then watching as it’s put on the highest shelf out of your reach and told you’ll have no idea when you’re actually going to get it, you’ve just got to sit and stare at the box until your boyfriend decides he’s ready to give it to you. It’s maddening! Who wouldn’t want to try and get more details? I’m sure most women would rather have no idea the box is even there. Unfortunately that’s not the case for many of us, since we usually know a proposal is going to happen sometime soon, we just have no idea when.

I’m a bit of a control freak myself, so the waiting period was especially horrific. I like to put myself in charge of my own destiny, you know? Having someone else pulling the strings was not a pleasant experience AT ALL and I’m ecstatic it’s over.

I think the dancing and getting on one knee is obnoxious. I know he doesn’t mean it like that, but it does kind of appear that he’s making light of your anxiousness and that isn’t cool.

When the waiting got really hard for me I gave myself a “shut up date.” For me, it was our anniversary (thankfully, that’s when he proposed.) I promised myself that until then, I would not breathe a WORD about getting engaged, not one word. After I made it to the “shut up date,” then all bets were off. Having an end point certainly helped with my own anxiety. Hopefully it can help with yours too.

No, but I wish he did. Don’t get me wrong. Waiting sucks. But waiting in silence really sucks. I’d just die if my guy was that romantic. Yeah, teasing is a little unfair, but he sounds very romantic. But hopefully he backs it up with something substantial soon. 🙂 I don’t think I’m exactly as objective as I can typically am today – read/watched one too many proposal stories. Feeling a little too happy. But I wish you the best of luck.

He could be working through his nerves and getting his head wrapped around the idea of proposing, and he could be doing it just to reassure you that it is coming, when he’s ready. Just enjoy this time before the wedding planning craziness really starts.

Over the course of a year and a half, (since our 6 month-ish dating anniversary), DH made lots of comments like “When we’re married,” and even called me wife a few times, asked what kind of ring I wanted, where we would want to get married, whether his cousin would sing at our ceremony…always him initiating the conversation, not me bc I didn’t want to pressure him, and I really didn’t care whether we got married tomorrow or in 10 yrs, just that we eventually would… but after his hinting for over a year, I had to ask him to lay off because it made me look at every big day (birthday, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, etc.) as the time he would propose and that it made each day ultimately disappointing… if he stopped the hints, I could get my mind off him proposing until that day when he would actually propose. He thought he was reassuring me that it was coming… but after a year and a half of expecting it, you get kind of emotionally exhausted, y’know. Anyway, he did lay off, I calmed down, and 5 months later he proposed. It was beautiful and I think it was just how we both wanted it to be.

Just sayin’… don’t get frustrated yet. Enjoy it, and if you need to, tell him you’ll be so happy on the day he proposes, but until then, knock it off with the hinting. (y’know, in nicer terms)

@red_seattle: I also had to have a “quit talking about marriage” talk with my FI before he proposed. I don’t even think he realized how much he was doing it. It was making me crazy, though, so I eventually told him to knock it off. It was just too much. I think it really hit home for him when there was the wedding scene on a Friends re-run we were watching and I rolled my eyes and fast forwarded. When he looked at me all curiously, I simply told him “it’s just not fun anymore.”

@lezlers: The way you feel about your waiting period is exactly how I feel at the moment- I even have a shut up date (oddly enough our anniversary as well!). Its just so frustrating as motivated women to have to wait- I like being in control and this is something I just have to wait on and allow to happen on its own…pretty difficult for someone like me 🙂

I know that it’s frustrating, but I would try to find something to keep yourself busy. It sounds like he is doing everything that he should be to ensure that he has the funds and is ready to do it, and I think that it’s cute that he dances with you. He sounds playful and fun.

Thank you ladies for your words of support! I’ve nearly given up on expecting a proposal. I’ve heard stories of guys who “promise” and don’t deliver and I just hope I’m not in that boat. We have the greatest relationship and we love each other like you wouldn’t believe. He gave me 14 valentines yesterday and each one was sooooo special, as I read them I just kept thinking, if you feel this way, why haven’t you proposed! It’s hard because sometimes I’m sad and cry and sometimes I’m angry, like livid about it. I can go months doing my own thing and taking my mind off it, but then it’ll hit me again!

I’ve already done “all the things” that supposedly get the proposal quicker. I was following Mr. Bee’s advice, before I ever read it. I have read tons of books on the subject…. aggghhhhh!

I’ve even gone so far as wearing a dress several times a week (as suggested by a psycologist on relationships). I’ve started two different women’s groups and am with those girls a couple times a month. I have 2 other hobbies that keep me out of the house a bit as well too. So, I just don’t know that it’s ever coming!!!!!