Posts tagged ‘God’s perspective’

The Counseling Moment editor’s Note: In the following article, author Max Lucado brings a solid and needed perspective concerning God’s perspective about and His sovereignty over the affairs of humankind — specifically the presidential election in November 2016. At the same time, we can apply this understanding toward any aspect of life we face (or will face) that has any measure of uncertainty, confusion, and is troublesome to us.

Max Lucado: My Prediction for the Presidential Election

I have a prediction. I know exactly what November 9 will bring. Another day of God’s perfect sovereignty. He will still be in charge. His throne will still be occupied. He will still manage the affairs of the world. Never before has His providence depended on a king, president, or ruler. And it won’t on November 9, 2016. “The LORD can control a king’s mind as he controls a river; he can direct it as he pleases” (Proverbs 21:1 NCV).

On one occasion the Lord turned the heart of the King of Assyria so that he aided them in the construction of the Temple. On another occasion, he stirred the heart of Cyrus to release the Jews to return to Jerusalem.

Nebuchadnezzar was considered to be the mightiest king of his generation. But God humbled and put him in “detention” for seven years. “The kingdom is the Lord’s, and He rules over the nations” (Psalms 22:28).

Understanding God’s sovereignty over the nations opens the door to peace. When we realize that God influences the hearts of all rulers, we can then choose to pray for them rather than fret about them. Rather than wring our hands we bend our knees, we select prayer over despair.

Jeremiah did this. He was the prophet to Israel during one of her darkest periods of rebellion. He was called “the weeping prophet” because he was one. He wept at the condition of the people and the depravity of their faith. He was so distraught that one of his books was entitled Lamentations. But then he considered the work of God. Note the intentionality of his words:

“This I recall to my mind, Therefore I have hope. The LORD’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.” (Lam. 3:21-23)

Imitate Jeremiah. Lift up your eyes. Dare to believe that good things will happen. Dare to believe that God was speaking to us when he said: “In everything God works for the good of those who love him” (Romans 8:28).

Many years ago, I spent a week visiting the interior of Brazil with a long-time missionary pilot. He flew a circuit of remote towns in a small plane that threatened to come undone at the slightest gust of wind. Wilbur and Orville had a sturdier aircraft.

I could not get comfortable. I kept thinking that the plane was going to crash in some Brazilian jungle and I’d be gobbled up by piranhas or swallowed by an anaconda.

I kept shifting around, looking down, and gripping my seat. (As if that would help.) Finally, the pilot had had enough of my squirming. He looked at me and shouted over the airplane noise. “We won’t face anything I can’t handle. You might as well trust me to fly the plane.”

Is God saying the same to you? If so, make this your prayer:

Dear Lord,

You are perfect. You could not be better than you are.

You are self-created. You exist because you choose to exist.

You are self-sustaining. No one helps you. No one gives you strength.

You are self-governing. Who can question your deeds? Who dares advise you?

You are correct. In every way. In every choice. You regret no decision.

You have never failed. Never! You cannot fail! You are God! You will accomplishyour plan.

You are happy. Eternally joyful. Endlessly content.

You are the king, supreme ruler, absolute monarch, overlord, and rajah of all history.

An arch of your eyebrow and a million angels will pivot and salute. Every throne is a footstool to yours. Every crown is papier–mâché to yours. No limitations, hesitations, questions, second thoughts, or backward glances. You consult no clock. You keep no calendar. You report to no one. You are in charge.

How to not worry about meeting other people’s expectations.

I’m a single female in my late twenties. So I’m in that stage of life where I literally cannot open Facebook without seeing another couple engaged or pregnant. I’ll be honest, there are days where it irks me so much I have to get off social media.

It’s because of “the list.”

That’s right, society has a list.

It’s a checklist of: “you are this far along in life, therefore you should have achieved these things.” For the post-grad the list is: an immediate steady job that can be transitioned into a long-term career, if possible in a cool hipster city. For young marrieds it’s a baby and a cute home. It seems that for a single woman my age it’s a husband, a steady boyfriend… or at least some exciting dating life worth bragging about. If you don’t have these things, you are woefully behind in life and worthy of pity or shame.

It can be paralyzing. And demoralizing. The more you look at “the list” the more boxes seem to be unchecked in your own life. Everyone’s great life news is suddenly eclipsed by the feeling of being left behind and left out.

I know I’m not alone in this. When I graduated college and grad school it seemed as if the majority of people I knew went through some sort of disillusioned frustration that termed the “quarter-life crisis.”

We all felt that if we jumped through all the college hoops and played our cards right, we were entitled to check the life boxes of “stable job” and “clear career decision” off our life lists immediately upon graduation. The reality was that it rarely works like that, and as a result many felt like society (or even God) had sold us a bill of goods.

The truth is, “the list” is a lie.

Society claims that these achievements—relationship status, careers, income, location—are the benchmarks of success and meaning and self-worth. That’s simply not true. Our worth is in who Jesus says we are—and He says we were worth dying for.

There was a time in my life where I felt like God stripped away all the things I tend to place my identity in besides Him. It was like He unchecked every box, and then looked at me and said, “If I tell you now—with none of these achievements to your name—that I love you and that you are worthwhile and important, will you believe me?” That question was difficult to answer. I had to fill my head with the truth of what the Bible says in order to undo the damage all the world’s lies had done to my self-worth.

The list goes on and on. If you are also feeling plagued by “the list” you are not alone. I know how holidays and time-markers like the start of a new year can amplify the unchecked boxes.

Let’s fill ourselves with the truth of who God says we are, what He says are the important check marks in life (hint: they don’t include a white picket fence and 2.5 kids). Let’s do our best for Him moment by moment and leave our worth for him to determine.

And when we start to look to the list, let’s fill each other up with truth again.

It seemed like the 1948th time we’d had the same exchange. But the solution this time was different.

What happened was silly.

I was downstairs and opened a bill. Since my wife handles our bills, I ran upstairs to discuss it with her. I bounded into the room where she was engrossed on the computer. She was re-watching a 600+ slide show of wedding photos to find a particular photo. I interrupted her and when she waved me off, I did not take the clue and told her we could handle this quickly.

Unfortunately, I ignored and flustered her, causing her to lose her place and end the slide show. She was upset and told me so.

I justified myself.

She reiterated her disappointment.

I weakly said, “Sorry.”

She explained how she felt, and the inconvenience I’d caused.

I said, “Don’t freak out.”

Things got worse. Duh!

The conflict was growing and I stood there defending myself in my heart, looking blandly at her, while thinking about how often we have this stupid disagreement. Finally I zipped my lip and went downstairs.

When I sat in my chair I thought, That is about the 1,948th time we’ve had that exchange.

I began a conversation with God that went something like this.

God, why does that happen so much? I meant well, but then I offended her, then I hurt her, then I made it worse.

The thought God gave me in return was this: Jeff, you’re more upset that you had the conflict than you are that you inconvenienced her. And you’re more upset that you had the conflict than that you hurt her feelings by defending yourself and showing no real empathy. You always want her to adjust and accept you. You ask for less of these instances of offense and conflict, but you should be asking Me to help you change. You need to want to not hurt her more than you want to not feel bad that you messed up.

Wow … That led to a very introspective and intense prayer time, and a decision. I aimed to change so that I could be a better apologizer, be less defensive, and truly be more interested in Stacy’s feelings than my own.

I went upstairs, got down on a knee next to her, and told her I was wrong to not apologize fully at first. I was wrong not to want to hear from her how I had inconvenienced her. I was wrong to defend myself. I did not care for her feelings well, and I want to.

I concluded with four things: “I was wrong. I am sorry. Will you please forgive me? I want to change.”

Stacy teared up in a good way and swiftly loved me back with her forgiveness, her own apology, and a hug.

“I have to be perfect.”

“I must have everyone’s love and approval.”

“I’ll be a social outcast unless I lose weight.”

Irrational beliefs like these can lead to unhappiness, depression and eating disordered behaviors. These misguided beliefs often come from basing truth on our own thoughts, feelings, experiences and expertise … or on what other people say and think.

There is only one place we can be sure to find truth: in the Bible. Jesus said that he is the truth. We can never know the truth of our worth, our circumstances, our wants and needs, our rights and responsibilities, or our purpose unless we first hear truth from Jesus, the author of truth. “Jesus told the people who had faith in him, ‘If you keep on obeying what I have said, you truly are my disciples. You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.'”John 8:31-32 CEV

Have you accepted Jesus as truth? Are you looking to him for truth? You can find the truth by reading the Bible. By talking to God. By inviting Jesus into your life.

What is the truth about you?

The Bible says that you were designed by God … you are his treasure … you are loved unconditionally by him … Jesus died for your sins and you can be forgiven, no matter what you have done. God has a good plan and a special purpose for your life. And that is real truth.

Father, please forgive me for looking everywhere except to you to find the truth about me and my life. Help me to stop basing my beliefs on my emotions and on what other people think about me. Teach me to look to you and to learn the real truth in the Bible. In Jesus’ name …. . .

QUESTION: I get that porn is frowned upon, but why is it such a big deal to look at it since it doesn’t seem like it’s “as bad” as premarital sex? I mean, if you think about it, it may be corrupting you, but it’s not messing up someone else, just you.

So what’s the big deal?

– Cody

I must begin this answer with a disclaimer: I will fail to fully address this topic. The pandemic issue of pornography is so complex that to fully understand the spiritual ramifications, psychology, economics, and victimization that it causes is more than can be covered in a single advice column.

Having said that, I’m going to specifically answer just your question, Cody. And despite my desire to write a book for you on the sweeping devastation of porn and how a person can begin to escape the throes of this addiction, I’m going to do my best to just stick with your inquiry. So, let’s get to work…

Cody, you’ve asked a fair question: “Why is it such a big deal…”? Well, on a theological level, it’s sin—and sin is a “big deal” (see Romans 6:23). You see, every time a person engages in the consumption of pornography, they’re sinning on multiple levels:

First, they’re having an affair—yes, like the gigantic, devastating kind of affair. Put more clearly: “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” —Jesus (Matthew 5:28)

While there may be screens or magazine pages between the victim and the consumer, the mind, heart and body are still behaving in similar ways.

However Cody, you may be saying, “Wait a sec, I’m single, I can’t have an affair. So again, what’s the big deal?” Well, by the letter of the law, I suppose you’re accurate in saying that an affair by definition requires one married person in the equation.

However, there’s also a second level:

“Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.”” —Paul (1 Corinthians 6:16)

And here’s where the problem gets really intense.

When a person sleeps with anyone they’re not married to, they may have a belief that it’s just sex. It’s not love or romance, it’s just an opportunity to engage in the most primal of urges, to have fun, to test drive the car. The kicker is, sex is a deeply spiritual act. And unlike animals, God hard-wired in us the opportunity to join emotionally and spiritually as a result of our physical union. We can’t turn the connection off, and those who say they can are lying to themselves. You can’t not be human, it is not possible for us to just be animals and copulate. We become one flesh—it’s our design.

Which leads us back to porn. When someone is engaging in the consumption of pornography, they’re knocking at the door of a real physical connection. And while there may be screens or magazine pages between the victim and the consumer, the mind, heart and body are still behaving in similar ways.

Engaging in pornography is so addictive not just because it alleviates some sexual tension—but because for a moment, it makes the person feel human, loved, spiritually connected, not alone. And it’s those feelings that, when appropriately expressed and realized within the context of marriage, are breathtaking. But when they’re tapped into via a fleeting moment of internet content, there is no question that what’s happening is well outside of any reasonable definition of God’s hope and design for sex.

Cody, pornography is a huge problem for so many reasons. I decided to go with one of the theological routes, but there are endless paths we could have walked down together.

For instance, the problem of porn is staggering not just because of the heart and mind of the consumer, but because there are countless men and women producing this content who are deep in the throes of sexual exploitation and prostitution. Former porn star Shelley Lubben has compiled some vital and sad statistics, which you can read here. These people need our prayer, and they need for people to stop supporting their demise by buying their product. Pornography is also detrimental to future intimacy, in part because it rewires your brain to constantly move from image to image. And the list of problems goes on and on.

However, I want to leave with this: Knowing why pornography is wrong is never going to make anyone stop engaging in it.

It may guilt, shame, and subsequently white-knuckle them into trying to stop. But until a person gets deeper into their story and starts to realize why there’s such a need for connection (and where that connection has been lost) they will never be able to break this addiction.

If you are reading this and you want to stop, but can’t, tell somebody. Meet with a support group, a pastor, a counselor or really anyone you trust. There’s no amount of head knowledge or fact-finding that will suddenly jar you into abstaining. What will break the cycle of addiction is getting open and honest, and finally getting free.

Cody, I really do appreciate you asking this question. I don’t know what your story is or if you were just emailing a hypothetical question. But in the off-chance that this question was personal, please know that there are countless men and women who have recognized what a big deal pornography is, and have subsequently changed their lives. If that’s your reality, know that there’s hope, and that many people will be praying for you and for the bravery it’ll take to ask for help.

Body image is the mental representation we create of what we think we look like; it may or may not bear a close relation to how others actually see us. Body image issues are often treated as if they were only a problem for women (see here for 9 Things on female body images issues). But men suffer from many of the same debilitating problems caused by skewed perceptions of their bodies. Here are nine things you should know about male body image issues:

1. When it comes to weight concerns, a key difference between young men and young women is that females want to be thinner, while males tend to feel pressure to gain weight. “There are some males who do want to be thinner and are focused on thinness,” says Dr. Alison Field, an associate professor of pediatrics at Boston Children’s Hospital, “but many more are focused on wanting bigger or at least more toned and defined muscles. That’s a very different physique.”

2. One common body image problem for men is dissatisfaction with their muscularity (i.e., with having well-developed muscles). Research suggests that exposure to the media ideal of muscularity, and not muscularity per se, elicits body dissatisfaction in men with pre-existing muscularity concerns.

3. According to The Atlantic, even toys contribute to the distorted messages boys receive about the ideal male form. In the last decade or two, action figures have lost a tremendous proportion of fat and added a substantial proportion of muscle. “Only 1 or 2 percent of [males] actually have that body type,” says Dr. Raymond Lemberg, a clinical psychologist and expert on male eating disorders. “We’re presenting men in a way that is unnatural.”

4. Muscle dysmorphia – a pathological preoccupation with muscularity – appears to be a form of body dysmorphic disorder with a focus on muscularity (bodybuilders sometimes refer to this condition as “bigorexia”). One study found that those with muscle dysmorphia were more likely to have attempted suicide, had poorer quality of life, and had a higher frequency of any substance use disorder and anabolic steroid abuse.

5. A national study of adolescent boys published in JAMA Pediatrics found that males with high concerns about thinness but not muscularity were more likely to develop high depressive symptoms. Males with high concerns about muscularity and thinness were more likely than their peers to use drugs, and males with high concerns about muscularity who used supplements and other products to enhance physique were more likely to start binge drinking frequently and using drugs

7. A survey in the U.K. found that four out of five men confess to being unhappy about their body. Thirty-five percent of respondents said they would trade a year of their life to achieve their ideal body weight or shape.

In pursuing worldly beauty, we strive to become this elusive image in place of who we really are. You and I are created in the image of the living God. Our purpose is to reflect His image to the world. But since the fall, we let the world inscribe its image on us. It is the very picture of sin and ultimately death. Instead of being transformed to God’s image, we conform to the world’s image. We are hopelessly stuck in a lifeless cycle, exchanging God for the creature as our object of worship. But God in His mercy rescued us! In love, God sent Jesus Christ to take on the consequences of our idolatrous affair. He became sin so that we might become righteous. In Christ, God gives us freedom from sin’s power now and hope for its eradication in heaven. God makes you beautiful with the beauty of His Son, Jesus. It is in gazing at God’s image in Jesus Christ that you are transformed. Romans 12:1-2 says, “Therefore, I urge you, (sisters) in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not be conformed any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

Body image is the mental representation we create of what we think we look like; it may or may not bear a close relation to how others actually see us. Here are nine things you should know about female body image issues:

1. The Dove Campaign for Real Beauty hired a criminal sketch artist to draw women as they see themselves and as others see them. The social experiment revealed that women’s perceptions of themselves were very different than how others view them.

3. By age 6, girls start to express concerns about their own weight or shape. 40-60% of elementary school girls (ages 6-12) are concerned about their weight or about becoming too fat. This concern endures through life.

4. The best-known contributor to the development of anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa is body dissatisfaction. The median ages for onset of an eating disorder in adolescents is 12- to 13-years-old. In the United States, 20 million women suffer from a clinically significant eating disorder at some time in their life.

6. A global survey found that two thirds of women strongly agree that “the media and advertising set an unrealistic standard of beauty that most women can’t ever achieve.”

7. Researchers have found that “fat talk”—a phenomena in which a person makes negative claims about their weight to others—is an expected norm among women and a way for them to appear more modest.

8. A study published in the Journal of Eating Disorders found that while “fat talk” tended to decrease with age, “old talk” often came in to replace it, and that both were reported by women who appeared to have a negative body image.

In pursuing worldly beauty, we strive to become this elusive image in place of who we really are. You and I are created in the image of the living God. Our purpose is to reflect His image to the world. But since the fall, we let the world inscribe its image on us. It is the very picture of sin and ultimately death. Instead of being transformed to God’s image, we conform to the world’s image. We are hopelessly stuck in a lifeless cycle, exchanging God for the creature as our object of worship. But God in His mercy rescued us! In love, God sent Jesus Christ to take on the consequences of our idolatrous affair. He became sin so that we might become righteous. In Christ, God gives us freedom from sin’s power now and hope for its eradication in heaven. God makes you beautiful with the beauty of His Son, Jesus. It is in gazing at God’s image in Jesus Christ that you are transformed. Romans 12:1-2 says, “Therefore, I urge you, (sisters) in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not be conformed any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

*Update: The post originally quoted the 2004 study that found only two percent of women globally consider themselves beautiful. A follow-on study in 2010 found the percentage had increased to four percent.