Read some thoughts, poems, song lyrics, quotes and other meaningful things from a lady who thinks too much, lives each day sitting in a wheelchair, feels deeply, and enjoys life, especially orange coloured objects, music, tea, laughing, and hanging out with the cool folk.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Binging...

Maybe you've never binged before. If not, I'm glad. It's horrible.

Binging is:

a. A period of unrestrained, immoderate self-indulgence.

b. A period of excessive or uncontrolled indulgence in food or drink: an eating binge.

intr.v. binged, bing·ing or binge·ing, bing·es

1. To be immoderately self-indulgent and unrestrained:

2. To engage in excessive or uncontrolled indulgence in food or drink.

Why am I writing about binging? Because yesterday I binged. I ate about fifteen to twenty Italian cookies from the freezer. I'd like to say I was full and felt sick, but I didn't. I could have eaten more. I loved every sweet, soft, gooey, sugary bite. I was starving.

If you've been reading this blog for a while, you've read about other binges. You've read about me worrying about weight, my Thursday appointments, my "doctor" and dietician.

Here's the thing: I have Anorexia Nervosa. I hate that word. It sounds so.....serious. I prefer to say I have "eating issues." My Thursday appointments are with a psychologist specializing in eating disorders. I struggle with binging and restricting. Lately, I've been having a hard time keeping things in balance. I have lost my period for the third time in ten years. It's my old story.

I binged in front of the Observer. I was cramming cookies in my mouth trying to get rid of the gnawing hunger inside. It's usually so easy to ignore. All of a sudden, it catches up with me until I can't get enough food. The next day is usually full of meal skipping and hunger until I binge again. I love my fiance. He doesn't judge, gives me what I need and loves me through the madness. I am so lucky. Today is a new day and it's been balanced. That's all I can ask of myself right now.