Monday, June 29, 2009

35 weeks 1 day

I've come this far. I am so ready to hold my baby girl in my arms. There are times when I let myself go there, to the possibility that she will come into my arms, breathing and alive.

Here is the plan per my OB, amnio next week Tuesday to assess lung maturity. If lungs are mature, induce the next day. One more week, I can't wait. I hope her lungs are mature. Although, I do enjoy feeling her kicks and movements inside my womb, I am ready to meet her.

Also, her lovely head is now resting in my pelvis and boy does that hurt. When I walk I feel the pressure of her in my pelvis, I feel my round ligaments stretching and let me tell you, it's no walk in the park. I was checked on Friday, and yes I'm already dilated 1 cm, but my cervix is long, not effaced at all. She said she wouldn't mind if I went into labor on my own. She's not the only one.

I've also become quite sensitive these past couple weeks, I cry at the drop of a hat. And the fatigue, it's come back with a vengeance. I just have one more day of work, of course after today and then I'm officially on FMLA.

Uggg, I want this week to fly by, I want my baby girl here. I can't wait, then I think of all the things that might go wrong. And I begin to tremble in fear. I don't want to go there, but I know it can happen. I feel like I'm losing my freaking mind at times. How have you guys done it, the deadbabymamas, during a subsequent pregnancy. How do you hold it together?

7 comments:

I really don't know how to hold it together now...but wanted to know you aren't alone in your emotional outbursts. I cried while looking at funny pictures the other day! Very exciting about the amnio next week. Can't wait to see pics of your adorable one!

I'm sorry to hear you are in pain and fatigued. It is so hard at the end to wait those final days out. I will be checking often for news, I hope you do go into labour on your own, but I'm also glad you have a firm back-up plan. My thoughts are with you.

How exciting! You are almost there! The end is can be rough with the mix of aches and pains and emotion and wonderment. In answer to your question, after Alia's twin died, I didn't feel like I exhaled until Alia was in my arms in the operating room. But I took each day of the remainder of that pregnancy as it came. This pregnancy is different...I'm strangely more relaxed, but also a little more detached. Only now at 21 weeks do I find myself rubbing my belly and talking to the new baby. Don't know if it helps...God knows there's no perfect way and we're all different. But try taking it day by day. You'll get there!

Try to take it one minute at a time. Easier said than done, but it is maddening to have to wait when you are so close. I also kept as busy as I could to distract myself. It's when I was by myself that I would go down that dark road. I think I saw every movie that got an oscar this year in the span of those last 3 weeks! IT's entertaining and you can sit the whole time!

I too dont know how to hold it together. I am in my 13th week and had a horrible dream last night and have been freaked out every since. I keep thinking HOW AM I GOING TO MAKE IT TO DEC?? Lots of support from fellow deadbabymammas and seeing ones like you and Mrsmuelly bring home your rainbows... thats how. Or at least I hope. Holding your hand even through this cyber world. Cant wait to hear she is in your arms!!! Hang in there. ((((HUGS))))