High Horoscopes | October 2017

Harvest time is upon us; this instills in most of us a desire to gather our food for the winter, celebrate the bounty and get cozy. This comes at a funny time for you, as you have entered a spring-like phase in life. New options and perspectives are popping up, freedom from past burdens has finally been achieved and wild adventures are beckoning—all due to the seeds you planted last spring. Ah, how good it suddenly feels to be alive! Don’t let the leg-warmer-wearing, pumpkin-spice-everything freaks tempt you into hibernation! Even if it means you must swim against the current, you absolutely need to continue your celebration! “Renewal, fruition, and gettin’ my groove back on”—this is your mantra. Repeat at least 3 times daily. Strain recommendation: Chocolate Rain

TAURUS

The watermark on your self-obsessive tendencies is well into the red zone. It’s not that introspection isn’t warranted (you are very busy helping others and taking stock of your life) but almost everything that isn’t directly related to your passion project is being ignored. Understandably, part of what makes a Taurus so formidable is their single-mindedness, but the ship needs to be kept in balance. Presently you have tipped so far starboard you have confused the sky for water and are in danger of drowning everyone on board. Pull back. Right yourself. Listen more, talk less. Remember that you feed off of people so if they don’t hold your attention, practice some patience and you will find your interest slowly returning. This will help you in ways you didn’t know you needed. Strain recommendation: Lost Sierra Night Nurse

GEMINI

When a horoscope says “spend more time focusing on your family,” how do you interpret that? Listen to your brother-in-law complain about gas prices for longer than usual? Build a 3000-piece Lego Death Star with your niece? Take Grandma to Costco? Could it perhaps mean you should spend time just looking at them—really focusing in on what they are unconsciously putting out? Tuning your internal radio to pick up their quietest signals? A smorgasbord of information is being presented by them, laid out like a buffet, at all times. As family, we are so used to the feeling of them we ignore this stuff that can be super obvious to outsiders. Someone might see your brother waiting for a bus and say “he looks sad” but you’d think, “nah, that’s just the way he always is”. Yeah, maybe your brother is always sad, and you need to see that now. Strain recommendation: Raindance

CANCER

Have you stopped moving yet? Any chance of a cup of tea and maybe a little nap at some point? Damn dude, you need to rest! Put the screaming child in someone else’s arms, shut down your work emails, turn off the news, take the dinner off the stove… go sit down and hang a ‘do not disturb’ sign on your nose. Enough already. It’s admirable to be everything to all people, but you might find that you can’t remember who you are to yourself. Don’t lose touch with non-busy you, non-couple you, non-parent you, and non-worker bee you. Look at an old picture if you have to. Remember that person? Repeat after me: There is no shame in taking alone time. Strain recommendation: Black Roses

LEO

A new Netflix show called Big Mouth is an animated series about kids going through puberty, and all of the horribly embarrassing and painfully hilarious moments that come from that very special time. The cast is chockablock with top comedians and there is no reverence paid to anything, or anyone. You might want to check it out this month, because if any sign is going through a mini adult puberty, it’s Leo. From breakouts to nocturnal omissions, obsessions and heartbreak to rage and depression, it’s all yours for the taking. You can either tough it out like you did the first time around, or ride this hormonal tidal wave with the panache of an old master. When you see an emotional meltdown coming, maybe focus it on the one person who actually deserves it? Use the cosmetic skills you’ve accrued over the years to mask the unholy mess that is your forehead? Write some young adult fiction? Don’t be overcome by the confusion—make it your bitch. Strain recommendation: White Girl

VIRGO

When I put my mind to you now I hear the song “Moonshadow” by Cat Stevens a.k.a. Yusef Islam. The lyrics are strange; it lists all the things the singer could lose, like his hands and legs, and yet resolves that at least he wouldn’t have to work or walk anymore. I gather we are meant to take this as a call for gratitude, no matter our lot in life, that a positive side can be seen of every woe. I must admit however, in the light of this modern day, it reads as rather insensitive to those who really have lost everything. I sense your month ahead will be filled with little realizations like this one; an idea, usually taken for granted, will strike you differently all of sudden. You’ll find your opinion changing in a heartbeat and you’ll be left wondering how you ever saw if any other way. Like those drawings that look like two things at once: once you see the faces, it will never be a picture of just a vase again. This can be a magical time if you are willing to investigate what can easily be passed by. Strain recommendation: Lemon Créme

LIBRA

You have a trip to the homeland coming up. Back to your roots, to visit, tidy up and pay your respects. You can be sure to have warm moments with family, fond memories and a sense of wellbeing in your belly, but you will also experience some difficult times which I urge your to prepare for emotionally, if possible. It’s hard to plan for the unknown, and usually when confronting a hard situation we tighten up the barracks. Strengthen the outer defenses. But don’t. Not this time. The best way to encounter this rough patch is by being totally vulnerable to it. Let the wave knock you off your feet. Feel the full impact of the blast. When I ask you to get ready, I mean let down your defenses and walk in with your arms open. Strain recommendation: Fallen Angel

SCORPIO

Last month has left you reeling, questioning your very sanity, wishing for a better life. Early October is the medicine for what ails you, while later in the month you will be rewarded with renewed health. If off the top of the month you accept all forms of healing offered to you, seek out alternative methods, and say yes to everything potentially inspiring, you will find the clouds clearing by the 19th. Then you will then be able to step back and let the joy come romping in, like a big old dirty dog, shaking his messy happiness all over you. Splatters of it will be on the walls, paw prints of it on the carpet, bits of it in your mouth. Yes! Smiles abound. Strain recommendation: Pineapple Upside Down Cake

SAGITTARIUS

Don’t beat yourself up about it. You did your best, didn’t you? Well that’s all you can ask for. At this point, it’s up to the cosmos. Speaking of which, they aren’t showing their cards, but they have said that what will come out in the wash may not be as it first appears. In fact the true results might not be understood until late in this month, so patience is key. Whatever you do, don’t act immediately upon hearing the final outcome. Take some time for the dust to settle. In the meantime, why don’t you reflect on why this is so important to you in the first place? Strain recommendation: Elmer’s Glue

CAPRICORN

Finally, the planets have moved out of your “I hate everyone, why are they all so rude and disrespectful, I am so overworked, nobody pulls their own weight but me” phase into your ‘mysterious physical ailments’ period. That should stay until around the 7th when you enter the “Oh my god I have way too much too do” week, and then your “Hey this is kinda fun” few days, and then to “I am so tired, let this all be over”. And that’s just in the first three weeks. So pull up those boot straps and smile all the way through it. Don’t let them see you sweat. Strain recommendation: Bear Dance

AQUARIUS

That little break you finally got was just enough to whet the taste buds. Now your stomach wants more. You are dreaming of white sands, turquoise waters and drinks with parasols. While you deserve it more than any sign just now, it may take sacrifices of some measure to make it happen. Socking away a little in the jar each week, canceling your cable, eating more lentils and rice, forsaking gifts for holidays and birthdays… you might just make it. But then the pressure for that future vacation week to exceed all your dreams will be so overwhelming that it might just ruin the whole thing. Is there a way to have fun while you save? Maybe set yourself a task of watching the entire Criterion Collection of films available from your local library, or working your way through a “dinner on a budget” cookbook? There’s no point in making yourself miserable for the sake of a little future fun. You can enjoy it all, with the right perspective. Strain recommendation: Blue Zkittlez

PISCES

A smack to the left, kick to the right, you are doubled over and going down. No longer waiting in horrid anticipation of this, the time has come, and it IS the worst-case scenario. The only positive you can reap from this shit show is learning how to take it on the chin with grace. There is also enjoying the release from pressure and fear that not knowing brought, but you need to be pretty zen to feel that through all this muck. How can you move on from this? With softness, and gentle compassion for yourself. Sometimes a simple act of care is enough to weather the terrible. Put this to bed now. Rest. And wake up tomorrow to a fresh start. Strain recommendation: Gorilla Grips