F**k the EDs!

Yesterday I received a message from a close friend informing me that she had been in the hospital since Sunday. Her liver enzymes were at levels in which she was lucky to be alive. Her eating disorder has put her in situations multiple times where she has barely escapes death. I have cried myself to sleep many times wondering if she will be alive when I wake up the next day. Sadly she’s too faraway to hug and comfort her and I can’t afford to visit her at the moment. Just pray always wondering whether she will die and I will have not seen her.

I hate eating disorders. I hate what they do to people physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. All they do is take. They never give. They are selfish. I want my friends back. I want them to experience at least some of the life I am grateful to be experiencing today. Some of the joy I feel. Some of the freedom I have found. I want to again laugh with them, enjoy days at the farmers market, random dance parties, or a coffee at Starbucks without having to talk about how to avoid a crisis with Ed. Life can be full of so much more. I originally felt selfish writing this message, saying that I want this, I want that but that’s not all this is about. I’m pissed. Eating Disorders are taking away the lives of some amazing friends/women. I’ve lived it. I understand. It’s not an easy battle. But it IS worth the fight. One day at a time is all you have to focus on. Don’t get caught up in the big picture, that’s what I did for too long. Just focus on the task at hand. Recovery IS possible. You CAN do it!

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16 thoughts on “F**k the EDs!”

I have been shaking with hesitancy to post my upcoming anniversary article / how Gwendolyn saved my life piece. But because of this post, I am going to do it pridefully. People need to know what’s worked for others, and I’m happy if I can help just one person. Yes, fuck eating disorders. I hope that your friend is okay, Greta. I’m so fucking mad right now, too.

I’m so thankful you had the courage to post your story. I had no idea about the things you had to go through. Any recovery is way. I’m really happy you‘d found yours and proud fully share it with the rest of the world.

I’m so sorry, Greta, and there is no reason for you to apologise – this is a very much needed post. Eating disorders aren’t silly little phrases to dabble with. They KILL. I hope and pray your friend gets better, and I’m sorry you have lost friends to it. I have too, I will never forget them nor will I ever forgive the ED for taking them. xx

me neither. I feel so powerless too. I still haven’t gotten over the friends that died over a decade ago – still think about them, still wonder what might have been, had they ever really lived, etc.. One of them, her mother kept her room like a shrine for all these years, exactly the way she left it. I saw how others are affected – and it has made me more determined to not hurt anyone who cares about me that way. But how do we help those we love we are scared of losing? i think there is only one way that has a chance of helping them and that’s by setting a good example. Proving to them that it’s do-able and that it’s worth doing. And you ARE doing that. *hugs* xx

This is so sad, Fiona. I’m so sorry for your friends. I’ve lost one too. It is still too difficult for me to talk about… and now I’m losing the other one. I want her to live. I want us to live. Because we can. You are right, I show that we can!
Thank you for your beautiful words.

Greta, I’m grateful for your honesty and expressing your real feelings. I need to be reminded as you did, to focus on today, my next step….I always get caught up in the future picture, get overwhelmed and that becomes a reason to stay stuck.

Nicole wrote: …”people need to know what’s worked for others”…very true. That’s why I have come to read blogs by you people who have found a what works for you.

But I would add that I also appreciate hearing what doesn’t work for people as they deal with EDs. Even people who have not succeeded in finding abstinence but who are honest about what’s going on, helps me. First of all I feel not so alone and I think the first step is getting out of isolation, with honesty and the acceptance from others who understand.

I need both: to hear how other people are succeeding and celebrating with them, getting inspired by them.

AND, hearing people being honest about their stumblings, being humble and that brings up compassion.

So true. It’s not selfish to wish wellness upon others. It’s truthful, hopeful, and really a great example of love and care for your friends/loved ones. I wouldn’t wish this on a soul. I’m so sorry your friend is unwell, and I’m sorry that even in recovery EDs still haunt you. I’ll join you in wishing a more fulfilled life for suffers, myself included, because there really is so much enjoyment in health.

I’m Greta. I live in a small country in Europe. I am recovering from an eating disorder. But this blog is not only about that. It’s a cozy corner of my little life, full of passions for fashion, food, books and movies. Oh, and coffee... Coffee is the best thing to douse the sunrise with.

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DISCLAIMER

I am NOT a Registered Dietician, psychiatrist, specialist of eating disorders, personal trainer, or a certified fitness instructor. Everything I post is from what I have learned on my own and what works best for me.