Prepare to be overwhelmed

Ben (uncle with rage problem, but if he passes out we can use his hot tub)

Brian (uncle who will spend the whole night awkwardly and painfully trying to make small talk with his father)

Randy & Lynn (crazy uncle who has replaced alcohol with Jesus and steels other people's recycling in the middle of the night for a living plus crazy wife/exwife/wife who may or may not be bringing her pet squirrel)

Liz, Julia, possibly Nicole (mom's cousin who has replaced alcohol with Jesus, plus her teenaged daughters, but one is not currently residing with her, so she may or may not be coming)

Michael and Lisa (mom's cousin who has the biggest head I've ever seen, plus his much older and very unattractive barhag wife who likes to talk about real estate. A lot)

Scott, Orn and Dillon (mom's cousin who is INSANE, plus his mail order Thai bride [not kidding] who is 22 years his junior, and their son, who is generally sedated with cough syrup and exposed to very. bad. parenting.)

David, Kerri, Rachel, Josh, Kristin, Jillian, possibly others (mom's fundamentalist Christian cousin, second wife Kerri, teenage step children Rachel and Josh, and my second cousins Kristin and Jillian from first wife Erin, plus the possibility of second cousins Jesse and Ryan, plus the possibility of boyfriends brought by Kristin and Jillian)

Grandpa

Possible attendees include:

Any number of Hector's daughters from first two marriages, plus their children.

Any friends, boyfriends, girlfriends or family that any of the above feel like inviting along

My sister Laura, husband Mike, and sons Simon and Elliot will be in Irvine this Thanksgiving, cutting the guest list down by four.