81 Milligrams of Ass Please

My husband is German so English is not his first language. He doesn’t have an accent, well, maybe like he’s from the Northeast but not like he’s Hans and Franz or anything. He’s almost mastered the English language. Every so often he’ll mix up a word or phrase and say it with such confidence people are thrown off a bit. We call them “Volkerisms.”

Volker: Want to watch a duped bodyguard?

Me: Yes, please.

What he meant to say…

Volker: Want to watch a dubbed version of The Body Guard?

Me: Oh. No.

After getting the results of a biopsy, Volker (at work) announced, “Everything is fine with my lower intesticles.” Picture looks of confusion then hysterical laughter at which time the confused look is on my husband’s face. He meant his lower intestines, although, I’m not sure why he would make even that announcement in a business meeting.

Another time at work, “Man, that guy was beating a bush.” Again, confused and stunned. “Beating on a bush?” Still confused. “Beating up a bush?”

If I may indulge you, I too have some Volkerisms
“Let’s get it on!!!! ……..yelled as leaving the top of a mountain (in Austria of course) later we found out he had learned this from MTV’s Celebrity Death Match thinking it meant “let’s go!!!!!!”
” what is this whop your ass?” asked after 3 hours of listening to R.D. Mercer while driving across Germany.
“What is a holler?”……. Answered “It’s a ravine” ……. “What is a ravine?”…….. Answered “It’s a ditch”………… ” What is a ditch?………. Answered “never mind “. Dialogue after 4 hours of listening to R.D. Mercer while driving across Germany
This is why I love Volker like a brother…………

About Julie

I’m the chick. The handsome guy is my husband, Volker. I was raised in a tiny town exploring creek beds and fishing holes in Northeast Oklahoma. He was raised in a large metro area in Germany exploring museums and all of Europe. It’s almost the same. Ten years ago he loaded up the truck and moved to Bentonville; Arkansas, that is, swimming pools and Wal-Mart. Read More