Everyone is all atwitter that Lindsay Lohan is in talks to play Elizabeth Taylor. How dare she? How could she? The mock indignant travesty. And now Megan Fox is in talks to play the same role. Cue the same pseudo outrage with additional overtones of a cat fight. Please. It's never gonna happen.

LiLo and Megan Fox are two "talented" actresses (Megan's talent rests firmly on her chest) with reputation problems who can garner headlines just by the mere mention of their names. Of course they're the first people Lifetime is talking to for their upcoming made-for-television movie Liz & Dick. No, it's about her husband, Dick, not about how much she got around. What way to get more attention than by saying either of these people are going to play Liz so everyone on the internet can rend their hair from their cyber scalps. And "talking to" means nothing. I'm talking to Playgirl about being their newest centerfold. It doesn't mean I'm as good as naked.

Lindsay probably won't get to do it because it's filming in Canada this spring and she still, you know, not allowed to leave town because of the probation and whatnot (she was even in court today). And Megan? Like she's going to leave her movie career behind to do a Lifetime thingamajig? A series on network TV maybe, but a Lifetime movie? Oh hell no.

I don't know what the finances are for Lifetime, but I'm sure they couldn't afford either of these ladies for this movie. Lindsay, on top of a hefty salary, would need to be heavily insured, and Megan, forget it. I mean, Lifetime is the channel that just aired Sexting in Suburbia (that is not a joke). That's not an Avatar-sized budget. (That's not even a Paranormal Activity 2 budget.) They supposedly ditched The Golden Girls so they could pick up Project Runway. That makes sense, because it's a power franchise, but are they really going to place all their best on either Lindsay or Megan? You have a better chance of La Liz coming back to play herself.

Lifetime is going to cast some unknown and then do a round of "The Girl Who Beat LiLo and Megan Fox to Play Elizabeth Taylor" publicity. Smart movies all around, Lifetime.