The Wonder of Internet Dating

Some people love Internet dating. I don’t know any of them personally. I do know guys who don’t have much of an opinion one way or another. They use Tinder like they’re ordering sides from Seamless. Catch a girl traipsing through Tinder and you’ll hear a lot of: “No… No… No… Oh, HELL NO… No… Hmm… Maybe?” 21st century dating is so much easier if you consider the “cast a wider net” philosophy. Easier, but not simpler. Sure, you may have thousands of prospects at your fingertips, but there are downsides and I’m not afraid to complain to you about them.

Certain sites (not naming names) are good for hookups, long engagements and anything in between. But have you seen all the questions you have to answer in your profile? It’s like applying for a green card. I don’t actually know anything about green cards so I have no idea if it’s similar, but the point is you’re supposed to answer A LOT. First, you have to write a “Self-Summary” which is not your age, height, weight, eye color, tendency to drink copious amounts of Whiskey on a Monday night. That information is provided in the “Details” section. The self-summary is a “what do you do, what car do you drive” type of question you loathe hearing at parties. Apparently that doesn’t sum it up enough though, because then you have to write “What I’m Doing With My Life.” Fuck you. More like OKStupid! (Sorry. Couldn’t resist. Still not naming names, though.)

Sure, you don’t have to answer anything thoroughly or even at all. No one’s holding an arrow to your head. But this is the online dating game. What you write is almost as important as your photos. I’ve even heard this from guys. If a super hot girl writes some dumb, clichéd shit, they think it’s dumb and clichéd. “I’d probably fuck her, though,” my best guy friend said. Right. Because, cliché.

One of the worst things is trading messages with someone for weeks before even meeting. Cut to the chase, people! Too much messaging beforehand, you’ll project all your expectations onto that digital fantasy and you’ll surely be disappointed in person. Keep it real; keep it moving. Don’t waste your time or anyone else’s.

But with those quick, swipey sites, it’s so easy to swipe left —meaning, to say NOPE and move on to the next person too fast. There’s no UNDO button. It’s like shuffling a deck of cards. Even when you match with someone, the like-machine alerts you by saying “You like each other!” and then gives you the option of messaging that person or clicking a button that actually says, “Keep Playing!”

Do I sound bitter? I’ve met a lot of some good people on these things. But in an age when everything online is the norm, meeting someone this way still doesn’t seem natural. I guess it’s just how we live now. Good luck, daters! See you out there (maybe)!