Well, the May Day Bonk Holiday came and went (mercifully
briefly). We think that being so soon after the Easter debauchery kept the
forces of emmetry down to manageable numbers and meant there was actually room
to swing several cats. (Cats, as regular visitors to St. Ives, have a
semi-independent existence down here so there are usually a few round to swing.
Although we don't recommend that you try it with Pushkin unless you are feeling
very strong!).

Anyway, frivolity was the order of the day (kitchen serfs
excluded, natch) and much frivolling was done by all. Spookily, although May Day
is a long-standing pagan tradition in the UK, the St. Ives May Day 'tradition'
was only revived four years ago. Some of the activities go way back when,
though.

Apart from the ubiquitous maypole dancing, there was also the
crowing of various sprogs as the May King and Queen, May Prince and Princess. No
doubt the next couple of years will see the addition of a May Count and
Countess, followed by a May Right Honourable. Hell, some day we might even get a
May Republican!

Other alarming sounding but generally harmless activities
included the blowing of the May Horn, the unleashing of the Peaweeps revealed in
last week's bulletin and the brandishing of the May Sticks (which are just
sticks that the local sprogs decorate with flowers and ribbons, although we
suspect that when no one's looking they do try to poke each other with them).

Surfer The Children!

Those of you inclined to worry about the recent reports of
failings in St. Ives' educational establishments will be relieved to know that
St. Ives School is now .....

"The top ranked surfing school in the country"

Hurrah! That's one in the eye for those who said they'd never
amount to anything in life. We look forward to the fees that will be generated
as flocks of concerned parents pay through the nose to ensure that their sprogs
have the finest education money can buy.

No, seriously, they're really good surfers. They absolutely
thrashed that team from Birmingham in the final!

Sherlock Holmes Award!

Snippet in the T&E this week:-

"Hayle Police say they suspect that a van was probably used
to steal two large granite capstones from the entrance of a property ....."

I dunno, though, I still think it might have been skateboarders
who made off with them!

Discussing A Moslem Religious Sect

Yes, apparently, and according to the gospel laid down by John
Oswin, Spooky St. Ives and its few communicants have been talking shi'ite.

Thanks to all the people who tune in and enjoy (and
contribute) to Spooky St. Ives.

This is exactly the sort of attitude/opinion/approach that
gets on peoples' tits down here.

We have nothing against visitors per se. All we want is for
people to make an effort to preserve St. Ives' unique character rather than
treating it as a personal playground to be used and abused as they want.

We do not apologise for the views expressed herein. We made
Spooky St. Ives, it is not sponsored, it does not make us a bean. If you do
not like it, as the stripper said to the vicar, don't look at it!

To use a quick analogy, are there any football fans out there?
OK, so if you go to a game at Old Trafford and there are 50 arrests for
hooliganism what gets reported? Exactement. The fact that 60,000+ attended the
game peaceably is not an issue because all these people are not a threat. The
50 hooligans are. Is the reporting of the hooliganism unfair, then? We think
not because it is an important issue that needs to be addressed. That doesn't
make the other 99.99% who attended the match criminals. Thusly, do we report
emmet-related issues in SSI. The vast majority of visitors are lovely people
(some have even bought us drinks!) but sadly, while they do get the occasional
mention (especially the drinks buyers, hem, hem!) they make for slow news and
few issues. What we feel the need to report are matters that, in our opinion,
threaten to undo St. Ives, its community and its character. If that offends
some, so be it, rather that than say 'oh yes, I saw it coming but I couldn't
be bothered doing anything to stop it'. The past is not a computer game. You
can not go back to where you messed up and restart the game.

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result of accessing this site and its contents, itís nothing to do with me,
mate! Copyright Vile Jelly Publications
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