Motherhood is full of lies.

Let’s start with three you are inundated with before the baby is even born:

1. Due Dates

The date after which you can expect everyone to start calling and texting asking if the baby is coming soon.

2. Stork deliveries

If the stork dropped him off, why have I lost all bladder control?

3. Nipple confusion

“Ok, I get the living in water for ten months and then being squeezed out through a hamster maze and into the bright cold world, but please, for the love of God, don’t confuse me with multiple nipples!!!!”

That’s definitely what she’s saying here:

Don’t say I didn’t tell you!

“How come no one tells you that?” It’s the thing I hear most from my friends when we share pregnancy, birth and mommy stories. If we have some of the same experiences, surely someone before us did too. Why, why, don’t they tell you?

Well, I have discovered there is a fine line between clueing you in and destroying the human race accounting for the fact that every child is different. The best I can do is share my experiences. So relate to what you can, feel sorry for me daily and hold out hope that YOUR kid might be the one who practically tucks himself in at night, demands more broccoli and is miraculously missing the gene that programs them to become dead weight when you need to put them in the stroller.