We tried Pizza Hut’s 3,000 calorie cheeseburger pizza

For ages now there has been a load of vouchers for Pizza Hut on my flat’s pin board. On the front of this glorious book (behind the chips) there is a picture of what looks like a beautiful meaty dough spaceship. This is the behemoth that is Pizza Hut’s limited edition cheeseburger pizza.

You can choose from any of the normal toppings for the pizza bit, and after no deliberation at all, I went for the pepperoni version and quickly put on my eating trousers. The pizza eventually arrived in a car with blacked out windows. I felt like a spy… in spongebob joggers.

What lurks inside…?

The thing that jumps out at you first is the size of the box. It’s huge. The pizzas only come in large, but this was no normal large. In the end I decided there was no way I would be able to eat all of the nearly 3000-calorie pizza, and so I bribed my flatmate to come help out.

Struggling.

A close second is the smell. That smell. I’m not sure what it is, but it smells almost healthy, like a posh pizza or something. The mental image is quickly ruined though, when you open up the box and wonder if the pizza was nice when it was made a month ago.

It’s not exactly terrible, if you close your eyes so you can’t see the pizza, or the grease-stained box left behind. It’s almost overpoweringly full of tomatoes, and tomatoes are good right? They are what make a pizza practically health food, so I was cool with that.

Or I would have been, if it wasn’t for the texture of base. I get that it was supposed to be a ‘pan’-type pizza, but this is more like a cake, and I don’t tend to like my cake with pepperoni.

The burgers themselves are weird-looking, with a congealed mess on the top that I like to imagine was once cheese. Worst thing is, they don’t even taste like meat, they just taste like herbs. If I wanted herbs I would have had a salad.

I can’t help wondering who it was who said this is ok. Or more to the point, what was wrong with them? It’s unnatural, and at nearly 20 quid, I expected a work of art akin to the Mona Lisa, but with more cheese. I definitely wouldn’t eat it again unless there was no other food, or non-poisonous plants, left in the world.