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Sunday, January 29, 2012

Whatcha Gonna Do With That Penis Bone?

Oh, if I had a nickle...

So the story goes that I bought a bunch of raccoon penis bones for stocking stuffers this Christmas (they're good luck charms!), but apparently my enthusiasm surrounding this unique find was outweighed by the actual humans that would appreciate such a gift. So for over a month I've had one last, lonely bone staring longingly at me, dreaming of a purpose. Little chance that the penis bone dreamed of the following scenario...

Project:
Is That a Worm in Your Pocket, or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

Let's do this!:
1. Use the mixed epoxy clay to make a ball shape at the smaller, weirder-looking side of the bone. You will be using the end part for the nose of your worm, so leave a section exposed for this purpose.
2. Add a little extra clay to make a neck for your worm's head. Use a bit of water to smooth the clay so that there is a seamless transition from head to neck and from clay to bone.

3. Break the toothpick in two and stick each half into the top of the head to make antennae. Smooth clay around toothpick halves.
4. Add details to the face of the worm. I used the end of a paintbrush to make the indents for the eyes and for the space below the nose and an X-ACTO knife to add the mouth and other lines.

5. Wait for the clay to harden. You can start to paint the clay as soon as it's hard to the touch, but a 24 hour curing time is recommended before proceeding.
6. After the clay is ready, you can paint the worm head. I used a white primer coat first before using color. I added several coats of colored paint, but the amount of coats YOU will need depends on what kind of paint you are using. Acrylic craft paint is not as pigment rich as art store paint, so if you are using the cheaper stuff from the craft store, just be prepared for more layers.
7. When your paint is dry, you can decide if you would like to stain your worm. I'm sort of stain crazy, so I did. Mix a tiny amount of black and brown paint, brush it on, and quickly wipe it off with a paper towel. If you get too much on, just add a bit of water to the paper towel and wipe more off. After all of your painting is complete, you can add more detail if you like with colored pencils.
8. Make a little hat for your worm by cutting a little half circle from fabric, wrapping it into a cone shape, and gluing the seam with tacky glue. Glue the finished hat onto the head of your worm and KABAAAM! You are finished!

Somewhere in between one of those steps above you're all like, "For what purpose are we doing this? Like seriously, what the eff!? This is pretty messed up!" Then I'm all like, "Tell me ONE friend of yours who has EVER received a worm made out of a penis bone as a gift?" Yeah, I thought so...

But seriously, what do we do with this when we're done? Good question. Gooood question...

Art! Yes, it is art! It is to look at and to make us ponder stuff. And there is even a precedent for art made with penis bones! Check THIS out!

So next time you have a spare penis bone sitting around in your studio you can give it a new purpose by creating a unique and one-of-a-kind sculpture! And if you DO make one, PLEASE send me a photo and I'll post it!

9 comments:

Is that you, sis? Messing about on the computer while you're at work? During tax season? Shaaame! Just kidding.

Oh, INDEED! Most animals actually DO have penis bones!!! Humans are one of the few who do not. Something to do with being able to mate many times with the same partner over a period of time (I guess if you're lucky) vs. having one monumental go at it.

Believe it or not, I actually have a bunch of those sitting in my supply box, waiting for me to do something with them....much as they've been waiting for me to do something with them for the last 4-5 years!

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