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Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Finding Myself in Motherhood

Greetings
To all who are joining me as I set out to relay to you my experiences as a young single mother in Los Angeles, there is one thing I will promise you. I'm going to be honest. You may like it or hate it. Preferably you will enjoy it, and hopefully you will get some benefit from it. I will speak my truths and beg of you to speak yours. Take this with a grain of salt and in moderation - as you probably should do for just about anything - and be nice.

My Story
Now that that's out of the way, I want to begin by saying I never
actually meant for this to happen (being a mother
that is). In fact, I was one of those who vowed to never have children
for fear of screwing them up. I guess I felt like I had been screwed up
myself, so invariably, I would do the same for any offspring, heaven
forbid.

But as they say, one thing led to another, and on July 8, 2012 my daughter, Iris, showed up for me in more ways than one.
I'm pretty sure she saved my life. I felt as though not only had she
been born, but so had I. Don't get me wrong, I know that people do not
change their stripes in one day, but how else do you explain the healing
metamorphosis that I experienced? I would have to say it was a
spiritual awakening of sorts.

Now I can understand why people would attend births; not because they actually like to see all the horrible pain associated with child birthing, but of the metamorphosis that happens in a person afterwords. Though the mom does not know it - especially for the first born - you are never the same. For better or for worse. It is sacred.

This is how I found myself in motherhood. In ways I feel like I am just as young as she is in this new life. The learning curve is so steep, but I am determined. I hope I will be better because of it, have mercy at my worst, and learn to let go and laugh somewhere in between.