Tuesday, July 2, 2013

It's Summer Again

I'm trying to make the most of summer, I really am. When I'm off of work I know I should play games and go to the pool and the park, and occasionally I do these things, but my heart isn't in it. It's just too hot, the sun is too bright, and the days are far too long. The fact that I hate it so much exacerbates the Mommy Guilt that I already have for being at work so much lately.

But I'm trying. I'm trying to be in the moment and notice all those little things that go hand in hand with summer. Monty had a friend spend the night last night and as I was taking him home this afternoon, driving down the country road he lives off of, I could smell lavender growing. It was so fragrant that I commented on it and my son's friend said, "Wow. It does smell like lavender." And for a brief moment I was happy to be in the car with my children and this boy, the wind blowing through our hair, all of us collectively enjoying the smell of lavender.

I tried to not dwell on the fact that the reason our hair was blowing and we could smell the lavender in the first place was because the air conditioning in the Pontiac isn't working properly. I tried to not be aware of the feeling of the sun on my arm, and how my pasty white skin felt as if it would soon start to erupt in hot boils.

The negativity got the best of me though and when we arrived back home I had wilted. There was nothing left. All energy and life had been sucked from me.

This weather makes it so hard for me to be me. I don't feel like myself. I can't focus and I struggle to be happy, funny, and creative.

Case in point, I had intended for this blog to be about this skirt I made for the girl in an all too rare moment of lucid creativity. It's a piece refashioned from a dress of mine that I loved but replacing the broken zipper proved to be beyond my skill set. It's much easier to chop it in half and create something smaller and new.

It's moments like this, when I actually do or create something, that make me think I can get through this summer. Somewhere, deep beneath the sweat, I still exist. I'm just hibernating temporarily.

Fall and Winter will be here soon. Just not soon enough

(On the bright side, I'm ahead of the game for December. As the above picture shows, my Christmas lights are up.)

6 comments:

Cute skirt.You are the only person besides me who hates heat. I tell people this and they look at me with their heads tilted like I am certifiable. I just don't see a need for higher than 75 ever. We are having your weather.It's been gray for the month and raining and misty. I'm not complaining, maybe you could visit. :-)

How do you feel at night? I know that even when we've had too much direct sun and heat, it's still nice to go outside after the sun is down and enjoy the ambient warmth that isn't quite so hot.

I read something recently about Summer SAD. Some researchers are looking into how your body processes the UV rays or some such...basically what you said about the sun being too bright is what they are thinking too.

And yesterday I was only teasing you about Lucy wanting sun. After about 10 minutes she went back inside and said she'd had enough!

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