Q: (At the mall talking with a young friend.) I read about Abe Lincoln. He
took some "weird" things for his pay. How about you?

A: I know every attorney has experienced unusual fee payments and I have
written about this in the past. But with your indulgence, it might be fun to let
me stroll down memory lane.

My early loyal client base that gave me the stability to help my practice take
root was made up of farm and ranch folks in Weld, Washington, and Yuma
counties, some of whom would drive 300 miles or more (round trip) to Fort
Collins. I have always been grateful for that. Many of them did not have a lot
of cash lying around, but I wanted to help them with the many legal problems
faced by people in agriculture.

Especially in the early years, I received useful payments such as eggs and
sacks of potatoes, pickles, and pinto beans. Hay bales I would sell or give
away, along with assorted chicks, piglets, horseshoes, and bailing twine. I did
receive several beef quarters, however.

But unlike honest Abe, I was never offered homemade apple pie, or a deed
to a cabin site, or even a cord of wood (not a lot of trees in eastern
Colorado).

However, I did decline some offers. A year's supply of manure was a bit
more than I could accommodate at that time (from a dairy farmer). A shed full
of hula-hoops in "original wrapping" (bought as an investment by a farmer) did
not catch my fancy. Being non-mechanical, I tactfully said no to a broken-
down grain combine (although I am sure my brother would have loved to tinker
with that particular hunk of junk). I have also turned down a number of offers
to become a "partner" in an agricultural enterprise or an "investor" in exchange
for my fees. Besides the conflict-of-interest issues, I am an attorney and
wanted to remain one.

But the one turn down I still have second thoughts about was bull-riding
lessons. A client had seen me ride several weeks before and didn't want to
waste time trying to find another lawyer, since he figured I would not last very
long if I continued to ride like I did.

But here is the law part (for those of you wondering if I would get to it).
Remember any such "revenue" has to be declared and included in gross income
for tax purposes, including, among other things, the value of merchandise won
from games or at game shows, barter exchanges for the value of goods or
services received, net gambling income, and fringe benefits at work (unless
excluded by the Internal Revenue Code regulations or tax court rulings). It
might be possible to argue that these exchanges are gifts but, if given for
services, labeling as such might be hard to sustain. Thus, if these kinds of
receipts cannot be designated as gifts and then come to light, the IRS tends to
be unhappy.

But Abe Lincoln did not have the IRS to contend with since income taxes
were not yet established, and he probably had a much better ability to take and
store his "fees" than was available to me in Fort Collins. So if a kid 150 years
from now is reading old issues of the Coloradoan and runs across this column,
he or she will note that lawyers in 2003 didn't receive a lot of the neat stuff that
lawyers in 1853 received.