Mohammad Irfan is 7ft tall. That makes him a giant. As everyone knows, giants came to our world many millennia ago and have been watching over us ever since, occasionally stepping in when humanity has been in need of help.

Sure, Irfan isn’t one of the 19ft tall Moroccan giants of prehistory who wielded giant double-headed axes, but he’s big enough for the modern day. Laughing in the face of his gargantuan size and alien technology, England have thus far conquered him.

But is this wise? How many times can you laugh at a giant before he renounces benevolence and calls down the thunder? We would say that you can laugh at a giant twice before he renounces benevolence and calls down the thunder, so England should probably be careful.

Remember the story of David and Goliath? It’s wrong. David did hit Goliath in the forehead with a rock from his sling, but Goliath was fully unarsed by the impact. He walked over and punched David in the balls. Then he ate an alligator.

All the other cricket websites have got live updates on the exciting end to the County Championship – I had thought that that might be the case here as well. Sadly, no. Anyway, if anyone is interested in keeping up live with the crucial events that will decide the destination of the championship, here is a link: