“You are a worm who thought himself a serpent just because you slither.

But your power was not real, Pliny.

It was all a dream. Time now to wake.”

—–

Pierce Brown

=============

So.

I would guess that most of us have run across a slitherer in business <let alone Life>.

A business slitherer?

Yeah.

One of those people who seem to slither in and around and as close to the edge of what is legal, ethical or right but never seems to cross any particular line far enough that someone can say unequivocally they have done something criminally wrong.

A slitherer slithers through all the same things most of us in business and in life do but does it in a way that seems corrupt <although it may not be>, seems illegal <although it may not be>, seems unethical <although it may not be> and seems inappropriate <although it may not be too everyone>.

That is the characteristic of one who slithers through Life.

—–

“seems.”

——-

“Seems” taints everything they do and, well, everything we do. A slitherer figures out a way to be held to a slightly different standard which ‘seems’ wrong but no one can point to any real specific criminally wrong behavior.

And it always helps to have someone defend you and somehow the one who slithers almost always has supporters. Those supporters mostly rally around the quasi-indefensible behavior because a slitherer is a proven survivor. And, yes, in a world in which surviving attrition may actually be a key to success … a persistent survivor can be viewed as an attractive ship to tie your line to <even if it is a ship of dubious lineage>.

But maybe the worst thing about someone who slithers their way to whatever success they gain is the team that ends up surrounding them.

Although I am no real prize for any boss … I would never work for a slitherer – my ethical and moral compass steers me too far away from any “seems wrong” behavior to make a position like that viable for me — or, I imagine, for a slitherer boss.

=============

“Round and round they went with their snakes, snakily…”

―

Aldous Huxley, Brave New World

============================

My point on that is slitherers seek slitherers. It is a weird type of loyalty. It isn’t really loyalty to the person it is more loyalty to the fact you can behave in a way that ‘seems’ inappropriate on occasion but ‘seems’ okay to your boss <if not even applauded>.

Sigh.

That said.

We do not fire people for being seemingly unethical behavior or seemingly clueless behavior or seemingly inappropriate behavior. Appearance of behavior just makes people feel uncomfortable but it is typically not a fireable offense … it is just offensive.

And, yet, a slitherer thrives in the seemingly offensive behavior. They thrive because as their seeming behavior shrinks them in some ways it also grows their ability to slither around the edges of true illegal, true criminal, true unethical to do what they want to do the way they want to do it.

To be clear.

A good day for a slitherer is different than a good day for most of the rest of us.

Good to them is a “win”, or some version of successful outcome> done ‘their way’ of which no one can point to any specific wrong doing or completely unethical behavior <which, to them, is a type of success in and of itself>. Their ‘good win’ doesn’t have to actually contain any of what most of us would consider ‘good’ to be considered success.

To be clear.

Most good organizations foster a culture which tends to expel slitherers. Good cultures which foster moral & ethical behavior tend to avoid slithering close to any lines and therefore tend to treat slitherers as a virus to the organization itself.

I do worry, on occasion, that the good slitherers <which is actually an oxymoron> survive in any organization and are constantly trying to infect the organization itself <and, given the right circumstances, actually can take over an organization>.

I wrote this today because it has been sitting in my draft folder for a long time as an organizational behavior business piece … and now I can point out that our president is a slitherer.

He slithers through all the same things most of us in business and in life do but he does it in a way that seems corrupt <although it may not be>, seems illegal <although it may not be>, seems unethical <although it may not be> and seems inappropriate <although it may not be too everyone>.

Just watch. Trump will slither his way in and out of any seemingly illegal, corrupt, unethical event he places himself in. That is what a good slitherer does. And, yes, good slitherer is an oxymoron … but in a way President trump is also.

“The woman who doesn’t require validation from anyone is the most feared individual on the planet.”

—–

Mohadesa Najumi

=======================

“Everybody is looking for validation, no matter who you are, and I think that’s a need of the human condition – to look for affection or recognition or validation.”

—–

Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu

==============

Ok.

We all need validation.

It would be silly to suggest you don’t.

But.

If you type in ‘seeking validation’ in google you get about 341,000 results in about .57 seconds and … well … they are almost all about ‘approval seeking behaviors you need to stop. ’

That sucks.

Basically what this means is that if you went solely by what you could find online you could quite possibly think that you should simply ‘damn the torpedoes and go full speed ahead without anyone’s approval or validation at any point in the trip.”

Basically this suggests “fuck what other people think … fuck approval.”

That seems slightly out of whack from reality to me.

That said.

I am not going to suggest you should be waiting around for someone to validate your behavior or your existence … but … it kinda seems to make some sense to receive at least some validation ‘nudges’ on occasion.

Why?

Well.

Maybe just to make sure you are still within the guardrails of what makes sense and that you haven’t completely lost any sense of direction.

Maybe just to make sure your head hasn’t got too big … or too small.

Maybe just to make sure you are still … well … doing the right things and making the right decisions.

Look.

You absolutely should not assess self-worth from solely from external validation. That is not only crazy but basically means you are chasing Life and not leading Life.

All I am suggesting is that external validation, when viewed as some sign posts in your Life road, ain’t a bad thing.

And, yes, even good external validation can be tricky.

Most people seek validation <for who they are, their behavior, response to a situation> because they worry they cannot be objective … that they might be prejudiced by their own beliefs.

And, yes, that is a fair worry.

We are all influenced in some degree by our own personal perspective on things.

But here is the big problem looming in front of you if you do not trust yourself because of this self-distrust … you are then assuming the external validators will actually be objective themselves.

Uh oh.

99% of the time that is a really really bad assumption.

Sure.

You may assume that they don’t have the same prejudices as you.

Sure.

They most likely don’t have the same things at ‘stake’ so are at least one step removed from any natural stress of the situation.

Sure.

They will definitely have their own prejudices, perceptions, beliefs and attitudes.

While we all want that occasional validation from someone else because we consciously discount our own feelings, perceptions and opinions … you have to be careful to not make someone an expert even if they aren’t qualified to actually be an expert.

Here is what I know about validation and business leadership.

Decision making Validation.

You will need it on occasion if you are in a constant decision making position.

Even the best decision makers can get slightly overwhelmed. Not overwhelmed in terms of “I cannot make any more decisions” but rather ‘it is hard to reflectively assess decisions when smothered in decisions’ <note: this is important because most great decision makers adapt and assess contextual learnings>.

Part of what makes good decision makers good is decisiveness once decision has been made. Occasional validation maintains the decisiveness muscle.

Leadership validation.

You will need it on occasion if you are in a leadership role with responsibility.

This one varies by person.

Some people don’t need this often — kind of like maybe once a quarter you receive some validation that you don’t suck as a leader.

Some people need this a lot — kind of like every day.

One last thought on leadership validation.

And this validation can be required in a variety of ways … maybe you want to make sure you aren’t too much of an asshole, maybe you want to make sure you are communicating effectively … maybe you just want a general sense that people think you are doing an okay job as a leader.

The worst business leaders look for shallow validation – better than predecessor, well liked, ‘strong’, etc. they tend to seek a linear ‘cause & effect’ validation which tends to reside in the ‘look who is at the door’ type feedback.

The best business leaders look for deeper validation – the organization is optimistic, vision is embraced, confident of future success. They tend to seek what I call “ripple validation” which tends to reside on the horizon type feedback.

Anyway.

We all need some validation on occasion.

And I get a little concerned when the only advice out there is about ‘how to ditch approval seeking behaviors.’

I kind of wish we had more ‘effective ways to gain some validation to maintain effectiveness’ type advice.

During your teenage years you give a ton and slowly give less and less from there.

———-

just shower thoughts tumblr

=====

When I saw this thought I had to sit back and think.

Why?

Because I could read it two ways.

First.

As you get older you just get worn down and just stop giving a fuck about a lot of things.

Or.

Second.

As you get older you learn that not everything deserves ‘giving a fuck’ and you give less … but give more of a fuck when you do.

I pondered this a little.

And then I got curious and found that if you type “give a fuck” in google search you will get about 4,610,000 results (0.38 seconds) but … here is the interesting thing … you get page after page on ‘philosophy <or ‘the art’> of not giving a fuck.’

Basically the internet is strewn with articles and advice on how to not give a fuck.

How crazy is that?

It is almost like the google world is attempting to offer some extraordinary justification for being indifferent … to actually practice being indifferent … which is maybe a different slant on how to be a complete moron.

I mean … c’mon.

If we really only have a limited amount of fucks to give … well … wouldn’t you expect some really good advice on how to prioritize and parse them out? I say that because it seems like we could all use some good advice with regard to knowing when to give a fuck and when not to give a fuck.

I will say one thing about giving a fuck … caring about shit is the essence of Life.

Ok.

Maybe two things.

Caring AND actively engaging in shit is the essence of Life <I actually called it RSVP and Life once>.

But.

The moment you become indifferent … the moment you just don’t give a fuck … well … there is no Life. There is no heartbeat. Life is dead.

I am certainly not going to suggest you care about everything. I will not because I agree that we do not have an unlimited amount of fucks to give. But it just doesn’t make sense to not care.

Now.

Life does a fairly good job of suggesting not giving a fuck is a much easier way of living Life.

Life is full of a lot of shit we don’t understand.

Life is full of a lot of things that just do not seem to make sense.

Life is full of a lot of things that just doesn’t seem logical.

Life is full of a lot of things that seem different than what you want … or think about.

Life is full of a lot of questions … and a lot fewer answers than we want.

Life is full of a lot of answers that don’t really solve anything.

Life is full of a lot of things that make you scratch your head and say “I never understood why.”

I imagine after reading that list many people may think “then why give a fuck.”

Well.

Because none of those things make Life any … well … ‘less’ or any less meaningful. They just make it a little less certain. They just make things a little more risky. They just make it all a little less straightforward.

In fact … I could suggest that almost all Life throws at you could fall into the “WTF category”.

Anyway.

I agree with the opening quote … I don’t believe we have an unlimited amount of fucks to give. That doesn’t mean we only have one or two … just that they are not unlimited.

But that doesn’t mean you should embrace the thought “well, I have no more fucks to give … so … I just don’t give a fuck about anything anymore.”

Here is what I know about giving a fuck.

But if you give enough of a fuck about your life … and trust it to give a fuck about you on occasion … well … a fuck of a lot of good things can happen.

I always thought it was because the job was easier if you didn’t have a soul.”

―

Kim Harrison

====

–

“I live in the Managerial Age, in a world of “Admin.” The greatest evil is not now done in those sordid “dens of crime” that Dickens loved to paint.

It is not done even in concentration camps and labour camps.

In those we see its final result.

But it is conceived and ordered (moved, seconded, carried, and minuted) in clean, carpeted, warmed and well-lighted offices, by quiet men with white collars and cut fingernails and smooth-shaven cheeks who do not need to raise their voices.

Hence, naturally enough, my symbol for Hell is something like the bureaucracy of a police state or the office of a thoroughly nasty business concern.”

―

C.S. Lewis

===

Ok.

I came across a dated article <over 5 years old> which gave me pause … it suggested that we were getting worse at managing <or being bosses>.

So.

While I mentioned it is dated … I find it hard to believe that we would have reversed this trend over the past 5 years or so.

In fact.

If I were to guess … uhm … I would guess the numbers would look even worse <not by much … just worse>.

I could write an entire book on why I think the business world is breeding crappier managers but let me state 2 key aspects:

– When your focus is outcome you don’t train for managing … you train for output.

– With an “up or out” organizational attitude it breeds people moving ‘up’ who don’t know shit about managing.

Pick either of these two and it means, at its most base level, that while someone can certainly master some specific skill and expertise that skill or expertise is tied specifically to … well … getting shit done.

Summary? Not managing … getting shit done.

No matter how much talent, how much skill, how much expertise someone has … that doesn’t necessarily translate into skill as a manager. Therefore … when becoming a manager your only management thinking, or how to manage people style, is to encourage output, direct others to create output and crap on those who don’t generate output.

Maybe worse?

If all you know is that your personal development of a specific skill or expertise led to you attaining this managerial level then you only have to believe in that – getting everyone to develop that specific skill or expertise. And if they either don’t have the desire to do so … or the talent to develop that specific skill or expertise … well … you crap on them <bully, have a tantrum, stubbornly make demands>.

Simplistically … in my eyes … we are breeding a new type of myopic manager. And if you are myopic that means you are more likely to discriminate <against people who don’t see things the way you do> and have less respect for anyone who doesn’t wander, and stay, within your blinders.

This myopic view also morphs into a belief that they have unique skills <the expertise becomes something bigger than simple expertise>. Ah. Now that breeds a lack of humility. And that is another check mark on the bad manager characteristic list.

Just think about the top bad boss behavioral traits ranked in the study: self-centered, stubborn, overly demanding, impulsive, interruptive, and tantrum-throwing.

For god’s sake … in the study … self-centeredness, impulsiveness and stubbornness rose up to 50% over five years.

The researcher suggested that … “the common theme for many of these traits centers around emotional immaturity, inability to communicate effectively, and a lack of respect and sensitivity towards others.”

I would suggest that the ‘emotional immaturity’ is an outcome of the two things I pointed out above.

But there is an even more insidious aspect to how we ae breeding this new type of crappy manager.

Let’s call it the managerial version of moral corruption or the capitalism of morals.

What I am talking about is a tried & true survival technique if you are a crappy manager <particularly the ones elevated into some position solely based off of past outcomes>.

This person begins to pursue interests that are not consistent with those of the other individuals … but seemingly meet the objectives of the organization as a whole <a “damn the torpedoes full steam ahead“ approach to management>.

This means that the road has diverged morally. And it diverges almost solely based off an instinct of survival.

This will often occur, more strongly, during time of stress within an organization. The economy is tough. Sales are down or flat. There are rumblings of cutbacks. During times of uncertainty about the organization, managers and employees tend to see their individual interests as distinct from those of their work group let alone the organization as a whole.

This is a business derivative of Darwin’s theory of natural selection … the one that asserts an individual organism that is particularly suited to its environment is more likely to survive than a less fit one.

It’s every individual for itself.

Now.

Anyone in business who has had any leadership responsibility knows that a group of individuals that supports their work group as a whole with some degree of selflessness tends to be a stronger group and a more secure group <as individuals>.

That said.

Managers seem to be forgetting this. While the group recognizes that some sacrificing of personal interests for the group can … well … actually be an individual survival trait, the manager sees strength only in outcome therefore judges ‘survival’ solely on outcome.

It is crazy.

Fucking crazy.

This issue may be one of the biggest threats to an organization and its employee behavior. Although I am using but one manager as an example let’s be clear that everyone, including the receptionist, can begin to see self-protection as the road to survival.

Today’s organizational focus with regard to management has gone seriously awry. While there is certainly a common theme on ‘culture’ and building an organization holistically the day to day leadership thinks in terms of ‘one decision’ and ‘one person manage behavior – or reward behavior’ completely misunderstanding how such a decision impacts a larger group <who take the cues as to what it means to consistent and predictable behavior>.

We are becoming worse managers in business.

We are doing so because we are looking less often at the bigger picture of employee management.

Employees live both in company and in the world.

The best organizations leverage the whole employee.

The best managers leverages the whole employee.

But I think we are becoming worse not because we don’t understand there is a bigger picture but rather because we haven’t been trained on how to manage to the bigger picture <because, frankly, it is a shitload easier to manage to the smaller picture of ‘outcome’>.

Here is what I learned about outcomes as I was trained to be a manager.

Care about the quality and care you put into your work.

Why? Because sometimes that is all you will be left with at the end of the day. Not every project ends well. Not every idea is a success. Not every presentation goes well.

When something doesn’t end well?

All you have to hold on and be proud of is … well … the craft and care and quality of the work itself.

Oh, by the way, if you care about the quality … inevitably you will find you have better outcomes more often.

Here is what I learned about managing people as I was trained to be a manager.

Respect the people you work with … every single one of them. This includes the cleaning people, the receptionist, the 1st year employees as well as your peers.

Why?

Because sometimes that is all you are gonna have at the end of the day. Shit happens. Things go wrong. I cannot tell you how many times after a long day I would be slumped in my chair drained … and a cleaning person would come into my office and ask if I was okay.

The frickin’ cleaning person asked me if I was okay. What an incredible uplifting feeling. Like gulping down a glass of water after being drained of all you had in you.

All because maybe I had a kind word for them at some point or maybe I simply didn’t treat them like shit or possibly I didn’t take out my bad day on them … but all I can tell ya is you may suck as a manager if you get promoted simply because ‘up or out’ but if you treat people with respect … treat people fairly … you won’t suck so bad that people will hate you.

Here is what I learned about managing, in general, as I was trained to be a manager.

If you hire the people you SHOULD hire … you cannot have tantrums … you cannot bully them … you cannot … well … be an asshole. You cannot because you will be fighting with yourself and yelling at yourself as you try and hold yourself back from meddling in the good shit they will do.

People rise to the occasion if you give them the space and support to rise.

Maybe for you there’s one thousand tomorrows, or three thousand, or ten, so much time you can bathe in it, roll around it, let it slide like coins through you fingers.

So much time you can waste it.

But for some of us there’s only today.

And the truth is, you never really know. “

=

Lauren Oliver

——–

–

“People are all over the world telling their one dramatic story and how their life has turned into getting over this one event.

Now their lives are more about the past than their future. “

=

Chuck Palahniuk

——-

Well.

We all have moments. Cross road moments.

Ok.

There are a shitload of crossroad moments <as I have written before … so many your head would explode if you truly counted them> … but in this case I mean ‘that moment’ kind of moment.

That moment we believe our world and Life shifted direction.

One moment in which something died within us … or something came to Life within us.

The proverbial and metaphorical fork in the road.

I will not argue that these moments not only play a large role in life … nor will I argue that these moments can be infinitely important.

What I will suggest is that maybe we make these moments important to us in the wrong way.

Maybe we need not reflect upon them because they are … well … in the past.

We have already left ‘there’ and are now ‘here’ and are … well … on our way to ‘somewhere.’

I don’t know.

I saw this quote and it made me think.

It made me think about how so often when asked about ‘how did you get here’we so quickly shift into the past … and not talk about what is happening now. Nor do we answer this question by discussing where we are going … the future.

It made me think about how we value our past decisions so highly and maybe not value decisions to come at the same value.

It made me think that we assess value in size <one big moment> rather than in quantity <the little moments that got us ‘here’>.

Sure.

Some of us probably have ‘that moment’ stored somewhere in our past.

But I imagine more of us actually have a whole bunch of seemingly meaningless little moments … almost unrecognizable … that have got us to where we are attitudinally, intellectually and physically.

It made me think maybe by reliving ‘that moment’ we are setting us up for unrealistic future moment management.

It made me think maybe we are continuously seeking big earth shattering moments in the future by doing so.

It made me think that maybe, in reality, the future is made up of infinitesimal little moments in which we are made, broken, reshaped & remade.

Aw.

Shit.

Philosophical rambling on my part.

All I know for sure is that I will hesitate from here on out to dramatize some past event as ‘meaningful in my Life’ beyond the fact it was but a moment.

Just take … well …. a moment or two clarifying in my mind that it was not necessarily ‘that moment’ but simply ‘a moment.’

And maybe in doing so I will make every moment a little more important in the future.

“I never set out to become anything in particular, only to live creatively and push the scope of my experience for adventure and for passion.

If there’s no future in it, this is a present worth remembering.”

—

“If I only scrape a living at least it’s a living worth scraping, if there’s no future in it, at least the present is worth remembering.”

=

Mickey Smith

——–

“It’s only terrible to have nothing to wait for.”

Erich Maria Remarque

——–

Well.

Let’s think about a present worth remembering … and how that relates to a future worth waiting for today.
I imagine the best place to begin is with the thought … does anyone recognize a moment worth remembering … in the moment itself?

Take a second before you say … “silly … of course I would recognize a moment worth remembering.”

Uhm.
We really don’t.

the dramatics of a life-determining experience are often unbelievably soft

Well.

At least we don’t often.

That’s why we take pictures.

That’s why we keep journals.

That’s why we tell stories.

——-

“Even if it’s a dumb story, telling it changes other people just the slightest little bit, just as living the story changes me.

I will get forgotten, but the stories will last. And so we all matter – maybe less than a lot, but always more than some.”

=

John Green

<an Abundance of Katherines>

——–

Well … the reason I decided to write this is because I most likely would have answered it the same way as everyone else <of course I recognize ‘moments’ … ‘of course I recognize things worth remembering’> … at least until I really thought about it.

Sure.

There is the easy stuff.
We almost all tend to look at things like “hey, big event, bring camera.”

Here is the trouble.

Most of the moments worth remembering … are unexpected.

And moments worth remembering can happen at any time.

It doesn’t have to be one of those big important milestones … in fact … more often than not … they aren’t.

They are more often found in something that seems normal or every day.

And my random thoughts became clear when I read this following thought:

——–

“REZA SILENCIOSA.

SILENT NOBILITY.

It is a mistake to believe that the crucial moments of a life when its habitual direction changes forever must be loud and shrill dramatics, washed away by fierce internal surges.

This is a kitschy fairy tale started by boozing journalists, flashbulb-seeking filmmakers and authors whose minds look like tabloids.

In truth, the dramatics of a life-determining experience are often unbelievably soft.

It has so little akin to the bang, the flash, of the volcanic eruption that, at the moment it is made, the experience is often not even noticed. When it deploys its revolutionary effect and plunges a life into a brand-new light giving it a brand-new melody, it does that silently and in this wonderful silence resides its special nobility.”

=

–

Pascal Mercier

——-

What a wonderful thought to ponder … without the loud dramatics moments worth remembering often seem to reside in some ‘wonderful silence with special nobility.’

And in their wonderful silence we can easily miss them.
This suggests we need to focus … an inordinate amount of focus in fact … a shitload of focus on a ‘present’ to enable one worth remembering.

Now.

This may not big colorful storytelling moments … but rather just focusing on what you can control right now not worrying whether it is big or small … exciting or mundane.

——–

“What happens when you let an unsatisfactory present go on long enough?

It becomes your entire history. “

—

Louise Erdrich <The Plague of Doves>

=

——–

=

“A third of life is spent unconscious and corpselike.”

–

William Lindsay Gresham

——–

Unfortunately we seem to waste a shitload of our life on stuff like worry, regret, pain, and heartache.

By the way … that is not making those moments memorable … well … at least memorable in a positive way … it is kind of like believing ‘no pain no gain’.

Those are moments of despair actually.

Not the kind of memories you should choose to want to have.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Of course some of this is inevitable and necessary.

But sweating over shit you don’t need to sweat about doesn’t make anything memorable except that you sweated a lot.

I imagine that our misguided focus within the present is based on the fact most of us either just don’t know any better or how to live Life just hadn’t sunk in yet.

Anyway.

I suppose life lessons are called lessons for a reason.

You need to experience life in order to learn the lessons.

And obviously … the more life you experience the more lessons you accumulate.

This may sound trite but if you don’t keep your eye pretty consistently on the fact that Life is made up of ‘the now’ and managing the present is kind of important … you’ll most likely end up simply waiting longer and longer for all the things you want to happen in the future.

Happiness or whatever you desire truly is usually pretty attainable … and rarely does it exist in some esoteric ‘future.’ Yup. While sounding quite unglamorous … what you desire actually consists of right now.

Whether you like this thought or not … Life is actually a series of right nows.

Now.

That said.
Despite all the ‘rights nows’ we face we actually fear not is what in the now but some illusion <mostly>

This illusion is made up mostly of a shitload of things <and associated fears> … which … uhm … never happen. Or if they actually do happen they rarely end up as bad as we feared they would be.

For most of us, fear is the worst thing that will happen to us <not something that actually happens in reality>.

Frankly … reality isn’t as painful or doesn’t suck as much as we seem to think it is.

Some random thoughts on the Life illusions we seem to have that effect our present <how we live>.

– what we know <or think we know> is an illusion <mostly>

We think we have the answers, know what’s right and wrong, good and bad, best for ourselves and other people.

Well.

‘We think’ are the two words to focus on.

Because we aren’t always right.

Not only do we not know what we don’t know … we also don’t know a guaranteed future … oh … and there is always more than one version <of pretty much everything in Life … excepting yourself>. We face so many crossroad momenst in our Life our heads would explode if we truly thought about it and tried to count them daily.

Here is what I know about this illusion.

There are many perspectives that are valid. Keep yourself open to that truth.

Next.

Control.

– control is an illusion <mostly>

Uhm.

Sorry.

Controlling your Life is an illusion.

Why?

You can’t control others.

The present is always impacted by more than “I”. Others play a role in the present.

And while we want people to think and behave as we do … and we want them to accommodate us and live the way we think they should live … and maybe most importantly … we want to change them <so our present is maximized and worth remembering for the right reasons> … we cannot really do any of those things.

That tends to make ‘right now’ moments … well .. challenging. Challenging in the uniqueness because they are being impacted by a shitload of unique people.

While it sucks … you can’t and shouldn’t try to control others.

Your only option is to embrace the uniqueness of the moment and the people affecting the present … and keep going.

My point?

While the present and ‘right now’ is yours … it isn’t.

At the same time … blaming someone else for a crappy right now moment is wasted energy.

Saying something like ‘well … it’s not my fault … I couldn’t control all the variables <people>’ is naïve <and kinda stupid>.

You were never in control … you will never have control … control is an illusion.

Reality is simply playing the hand you are dealt.

Reality is realizing you are gonna get dealt a new hand immediately after you have played that one.

– perfect moments are an illusion <until you look back on it>

Sorry.

There is no such thing as a perfect moment … at least when viewed in the present.

Perfection is unattainable.

And, frankly, the pursuit of it is not only silly … but in fact can make us boring.

It is our differences, our foibles, our imperfections that connect us to the rest of the world and make things perfect.

I brought up us, or people, as an example because Life is exactly the same.

It is the imperfect moments that make Life perfect in the end.

Take solace in the fact that a present to remember will always have a rich & royal hue of imperfection <and, yet, we will label it ‘perfect’>.

– relaxation is an illusion <mostly>

Well.

Lets debunk the relaxation myth right now.

If you want something in life you pretty much have to do the work to get it.

Unfortunately … there are rarely shortcuts.

Here is the good news. Truthfully <research evens shows this> it is the work is that creates the most sense of accomplishment to us <not the outcome>.

If you look back at your most memorable moments … the ones that made you the happiest or made you feel the best you have ever felt … you were doing something … you weren’t relaxing.

Now.

You cannot always ‘do’ and you need to relax at some point <or you will spontaneously implode> but seek to make your present worth remembering by doing.

I imagine my real point is what I said earlier … your moments truly worth remembering are rarely associated with relaxing or ‘doing nothing’ … they are almost always associated with ‘doing something.’

Ok.

I am done discussing illusions.

In the end … about the only thing that really isn’t an illusion is the present.

What is here and now and in front of you.

Uhm.

Some call that … <big pause here> … yup … reality.

Trite but true ….

The past is irretrievable.

The future is unknown

It is only the present that is tangible … and often quite shape-able and steerable.

To be clear.

Living Life always in the present just isn’t possible.

But.

Being aware of Life in the present is possible.

That distinction can make all the difference in the world.

You do the best you can with, and within, the present moment at hand.

Sometimes you will be at your best … and sometimes you won’t.

But you know what?

You just keep your eye on the ‘best ball’ because the present ain’t always just about you.

Huh?

Well.

Unfortunately for you and I, and every human being out there, each moment doesn’t just influence you and what happens next … it influences the lives of others around you … and ones yet to walk across the path of the decision you have made and how you managed that present moment.

I imagine that is really the big point to make.

A present worth remembering lives not only with, and within, you … but there will always be someone else who will remember that moment in time <as their own>.

You may forget it … it may have seemed like a mundane moment in time … but to someone else … it influenced their future … and maybe it was even a ‘present worth remembering’ for them.

Remember that my friends.

Life moments linger not only with you … but with others.

—

“What lingered after them was not life, but the most trivial list of mundane facts: a clock ticking on a wall, a room dim at noon, and the outrageousness of a human being thinking only of herself.”

When the three primary Greek gods, of the 12 major Greek gods, got together to divide up the world they drew sticks.

Land already belonged to Gaia.

Zeus won first and claimed the skies.

Poseidon then took the seas.

And Hades was left with the underworld, the caves, the forgotten places and all the minerals that came from the earth.

And while the dead did go to the underworld that was simply a portion of everything Hades ruled.

The true god of death in Greek mythology was Thanatos.

He was the son of Nyx, the night, and Erebos, the Darkness.

His twin brother was Hypnos, sleep.

In Greek mythology Thanatos was considered negative but Hades was not.

Hades was simply the ruler of all that was in the underworld.

—–

Ok.

While I could write about Hades has received a bad rap over time … I will instead discuss Hades as a business guy … and as a business leader.

Whoa.

Hades as a leader?

Yup.

Hades is a lot like being a business leader.

As a leader … you can manage a large part of the world … offer up wonderful gifts to the rest of the world <minerals & such which let the world be a better place> … and yet … you also have to manage not only some demi-Gods <with minds, and opinions, of their own> … but you are responsible for everything that happens in your realm <business>.

In fact.

I have a horrible truth I need to share with all those business leaders who are adding ‘environmentally friendly’ and ‘socially responsible’ aspects to their business.

While you hope everyone take note of your new ethically, high values, behavior … the truth is that everyone will instead pay attention to the one department, output, process, thing which represents Hades’ version of “the place the dead go.’

That’s the way it works.

Anyway.

Back to leading a business and Hades.

First.

Let me begin with managing demi-gods.

Let’s call them ‘upper middle management’ in today’s lingo.

I do not care how good a leader you are … how good your organization is … or how great your culture is … you will have senior middle management who <all or some combination thereof of the following>:

—

Believe you are not making all right decisions

–

–

Believe they could be making better decisions

–

–

Believe they are undervalued and should be leading something more

–

–

Believe their department/group is the most important group in the organization

–

–

Believe they should be managing their own empire <and will manage their responsibility that way>

==

=

That is what business leadership is.

You will be stuck leading ‘demi-gods’ … some of which want to be Hades <i.e., THE god in charge>.

You may be the ruler of the entire underworld but you got a bunch of other people ruling their own little worlds within yours.

By the way.

This is bad … and good.

You like ambitious people.
You like people pushing the envelope.
You like people challenging conventional <your> wisdom.

That’s the good.

The bad?

Some of them don’t play nice.

And, in particular, the one who you stick with the ‘place where the dead go’ department is just not going to be your best team player.

That person tends to be one of two types:

—

=

Ambitious short termer:

Accepting that role simply to make a point and earn some stars and then move on. You have to pay really close attention to them because they have a tendency to offer up some extreme short term tactic/idea to generate some extreme positive result to point to … all of which, and none of which, is sustainable. And all of which most likely makes you worse off in that department later.

–

—

The turtle:

Hard shell, slow to change or methodical in process and always willing to tuck their head in under their shell from other organizational words, ideas and sharing.

—

Let’s just say that part of being a leader is managing demi-gods.

I don’t care how healthy your culture is or even how proud you are of your organizational values and ‘team spirit’ … if your organization has any size or scale … you will have to deal with a demi god or two <or three>.

Next.

Second.

Managing an overall positive company with overall positive output … and yet having responsibility for one component which has a negative perception.

Here is the deal.

All companies have a ‘death’ department.

I do not care who you are and what you do or make … one component … if brought to the public eye … looks bad.

Okay.

Maybe not as bad as Death … but it just looks bad.

Part of being a leader is making sure you don’t get defined by it.

Oh.

Also.

Part of being a leader is making sure you don’t try to hide it.

I am not suggesting you embrace it publicly but trying to hide it is a fool’s errand.

Third.

This is just an overall … “hey, I am Hades, not a particularly bad guy, but I am managing a realm for God’s sake” thought.

<pun intended>

Business has seemed inordinately interested over the past 10 years or so with ‘ethics in the workplace’ and psychological studies on employee motivation support tied to ethical behavior.

Of course.

Running parallel to all the supporting ‘expert’ literature and speaking about all this ‘ethics in business’ is the inordinate number of buzzwords attached to ‘building an ethical business’ <which, interestingly, actually evokes the opposite of the intended effect>.

When in doubt … principles <values, ethics, etc> certainly have the ability to transform dysfunctional organizations into viable organizations.

However.

This kind of management decision is not made in a void.

Hades <leaders in general> has a difficult challenge because of … well … organizational dynamics.

Simplistically … organizational dynamics means each of us is a part that forms the whole and therefore each of us affects and influences one another through our behaviors and actions.

Management purposefully places universal principles with the intent to create a relationship of cause and desired effect/behavior-attitude <albeit cause can have multiple effects and an effect can have multiple causes … of which can make a leader tear their hair out> and alignment around principles with the intent to create some version of organizational health.

Unfortunately … the internal business principles get tugged at by the outside world.

And in today’s world?

Business is clearly shifting out of a time of excess <excess profit, growth, salaries, bonuses, etc.>.

Not too long ago government officials, chief executive officers, entrepreneurs and other well-positioned people all managed to take advantage of a significant global economic growth period.

Unfortunately.

While taking advantage of this economic opportunity they also created a new set of business rules by which to play.

Yet.

These newly created demigods <or business role models> are now seemingly being transformed overnight into unethical bastards <and bitches> through some crisis or another.

This all creates a tug-of-war in business organizations today.

Look.

Businesses live in an increasingly competitive environment all the time striving to retain viability.

And viability ultimately is grounded, and therefore – focused, on dollars and cents.

Oddly <just to throw some ‘hope’ into this somewhat dire discussion>.

Webster’s Dictionary actually suggests viability is defined as the ability “to take root and grow” or “workable and likely to survive or to have real meaning.”

Once again.

I say this to point out the tug-of-war.

The realm, the business, often falls to the simplest viability survival mode …. monetary gain at any cost.

This fosters an unhealthy work environment.

Inevitably … the tug of war revolves around how to create a responsive, positive working environment <have a ‘real meaning’>, staffed with competent, dedicated employees in a money-driven society.

Please know I am not suggesting that profit-driven entities and healthy work environments are mutually exclusive.

However.

Here is what I do know.

The shift in attitudes, the decline in personal accountability, bottom-line management practices, rapid technological advances, and the resulting expectation of immediate gratification by the employees … AND people the company serve … has created a tension in the workplace that takes on a variety of manifestations.

I say all this to point out managing a realm is not easy.

There are always several influencers in an organization who have varying degrees of power over different departments of the overall management.

And, in many cases, Hades <a leader> is not really directly engaged in managing the affairs of the tangible world <but always directly engaged in the intangible – mind – world>.

The realm has demi-gods to do that ‘managing the affairs of the tangible world.’

Uh oh.

Their management filters down through the structures in individualistic behavior & attitudes … as well as their interpretation of the guiding principles <and their varying degree to which they want to invest in the principles>.

Now.

You always hope that your senior management, the demigods, are all devotees of not only the main God … but also of the principles <of which I would argue is a balance>.

The trouble is that in many ways these demigods are just like us schmucks in that we ain’t Hades whether we aspire to be or not … and yet we have in our heads some ‘god-like management’ aspirations.

That is bad.

We are most typically ordinary people who, one would hope, as a result of their performance and devotion to the higher purpose … and practice of attitude & behaviors … have been elevated to the higher positions of power and responsibility.

The demigods are most likely <or at least supposed to be> the successful workers in the company who have been promoted to high management positions.

In reality there is no difference between the managers in the company and the ordinary workers. It is just that the managers, as a result of their efforts and principles arise.

Oh.

If this were only true.

Organizational dynamics are neither static nor are they cause & effect linear. And I say this because not all of the ‘examples of the best’ rise into thses positions.

And I also believe we mis-define values and principles as being one and the same in this whole discussion.

=

Principles are not values.

There is no ethical dilemma resulting from “conflicting” value systems if ethical management is principle-based.

The difficulty of practicing principle-based ethics is the lack of identification that occurs as certain unethical behaviors become mainstream practices and personal values take precedence over values with universal applicability.

The tendency is for individuals to identify unethical practices only when it affects them personally.

=

(Bellamy, 1994)

—

Regardless.

I think Hades got a shitty deal. He was probably a good guy. A pretty decent leader. With one crappy department and a pretty crappy department head.

And that is haunting his legacy even today <several millennia later>.

I wrote his for a couple of reasons.

First.

To achieve a healthy, working environment, requires a commitment on the part of all employees, management, the demi Gods and staff alike.

Done.
Period.

Pretty simple <and REALLY hard>.

Second.

I imagine Hades didn’t worry about his legacy.

Shit.

He had an entire realm to run. And he most likely felt he did a pretty good job and managed his demi-Gods relatively well.

I think the great leaders are that way. They really don’t worry about their legacy.

They can’t.

They are focused on doing what they believe is right and doing it well.

They realize people do not judge fairly <most outside criteria is wrong, misguided or doesn’t have all the information>.

They realize that people don’t judge well <they focus on the wrong things>.

They realize … well … their public legacy doesn’t even come close to what their personal legacy is.

Hades probably died with a relatively clean conscious <okay … not really clear if the god of the underworld actually ever dies … and if so … where does he go?>.

Anyway.

When Hades ‘moved on’ he most likely went knowing he could have done better on some things … but did well on some things.

I also tend to believe that all of us would do well to ‘move on’ thinking just that.

Leading a business effectively and leaving a great legacy can often be two very different things. And I imagine my point is that if you want to lead, and lead well, the lat thing you should be thinking about is what people think about you and what your legacy will be.

Lead in the present … ‘move on’ with a clear conscience … and accept you will be judged harshly by the outside world.

The same Parts and Application, which have made me a Poet, might have rais’d me to any Honours of the Gown, which are often given to Men of as little Learning and less Honesty than myself.”

=

John Dryden

——-

“I feel like I’ve swallowed a cloudy sky.”

=

Haruki Murakami

——-

So.

Fame.

Fame is an appealing concept to pretty much everyone. Even if you are one of those people who say “I don’t want to be famous” … you actually do. Yup. Maybe not ‘red carpet’ famous but instead maybe if but for one minute ‘noticed by many’ famous.

And the crux of this mental battle we all have is … at what price would we pay for it … this ‘fame’?

What price would we pay even for a sliver of fame?

And why would we pay anything for “so barren a reward as fame” as John Dryden characterized it?

Selfies … snapshot … pinterest … wehearit … pick one.

In technology’s world of the web we are not seeking our 15 minutes of fame … but our 15 seconds of fame with tow paths lying ahead:

<a> hoping it will either turn into 15 days of fame as it gets reposted & discussed & editorialized, or

<b> hoping it turns into nothing … as it is embarrassing in reflection.

Therein lies the challenge of gaining fame … even a sliver.

Anyway.

I have a theory about fame.

Ok.

I actually have two theories.

To be clear … these theories, theorems, postulates … whatever you would like to deem whatever glimpse of brilliance or absurdity within what I share … its my own … no research … just looking around at people and having listened & watched probably a million through my professional career.

First is quick.

Genes.

Chrissie Hynde <Pretenders lead singer> said this once:

–

“As far as success goes, I’ve never really got too excited about losing or winning. I don’t have whatever the gene is you need for that. Whatever the gene John McEnroe has, I don’t have that.

I don’t care.”

–

Some people don’t simply crave fame … it is part of their DNA. It is in their genes. I say this because far too many of us <myself included> mock the fame seekers as narcissistic or shallow or … well … pick your poison … and the reality is that they simply have a gene we do not.

This doesn’t mean I have to find it likable. It simply means I need to recognize that not everyone is the same. And it also means we need to step back and recognize that fame can be used for good or for bad … and that fame, while sought, is rarely controlled by the ‘soughter.’

Next.

Second thought.

My sense is that to most of us every day schmucks that the whole concept of fame is simply a means to an end … a vague concept that really has to do with esteem and self worth.

What?

Yeah.

I tend to believe most of us don’t really want the spotlight for life. We simply want to know that we are worth a shit.

We are either inflated with regard to ourselves … or … we have some deflated view of ourselves.

Neither is good.

—

“All I ever asked of life was that it should pass me by without my even noticing it.”

=

Fernando Pessoa

—

A spotlight shows us … even for a glimpse in time … some reality.

Something … well … good.

That we are actually good at something.

That people recognize it.

And that moment is it.

It’s enough.

Most of us don’t desire more than that. Just the validation is enough. We can step back into our lives content … and continue the grind. Even if we continue the grind with a slightly livelier step knowing that somewhere someone valued us and our contribution.

And yes … I am firmly discussing fame.

Not the smile of a child … the nuzzling from your dog … or even some very personal soulful evaluation and endorsement of your behavior.

I am discussing fame as is in the harshest glimpse of society and life.

The unhesitating judgment of a cold and often brutal world. Unbiased personally … you know when you walk away you weren’t cheated in judgment.

And in that judgment you were noticed and passed judgment.

—

“Everyone deserves a standing ovation at least once in their life because we all overcometh the world.”

=

R. J. Palacio

—

Fame.

Using Dryden’s language … it is most often not found in “the torrent of the people” or “the riot of a multitude.”

Fame is most often found in a moment where the price is nothing more than facing our insecurities on whether we are good enough.

And in that moment … the fame pendulum can swing far one way or the other.

“It’s a very powerful thing when someone sees you as the person you wish you were.”

=

Veronica Mars

–

Ok.

I believe all of us try and be the best version of ourselves. Maybe not all the time … but as often as we can.

I also believe that most of us question whether we are the best version of ourselves.

I imagine Life is inevitably lived somewhere in between.

We get glimpses of the best version of ourselves.

It’s an odd journey … places you found it … only lose it … and then find it and lose it again.

But.

In a frustrating way it gives you hope.

In many ways we seem to struggle really hard just to grasp the basic elements of the best version of yourself.

And it is frustrating because … well … one would think being the best version of yourself should be easy.

Uhm.

Unfortunately.

Most often it is not.

And maybe that is what bravery, or personal courage, is all about.

Having the courage to forge through the adversity of Life and trust the best version of yourself to arrive at some point <again>.

That said.

Please recognize I hesitate to believe that there is such a thing as a constant version of you being at your best.

Everyone goes through highs and lows.

It’s just that some people hide those things so well you can end up looking around and end up feeling bad about yourself because you think you’re the only one not being the best version of what you could be.

All that said.

That is why the people who see you as the person who you wish you could be are invaluable.

These are the people who take the parts you have thrown away.

Thrown away because you were convinced they went the best version of you.

Thrown away because you didn’t see them as part of the person you wished you could be.

They take these parts and pick them up and sometimes they hand them back to you and say “uhm, don’t throw that way” or sometimes they tuck that part in their pocket to give back another day or sometimes they sweep those parts up and put them together in a way you never saw them before and just show you what that version could be.

——-

“I want the parts that you’ve tried to throw away – the parts that you were convinced no one could ever want.”

=

Connotativewords

——–

What you wish you could be is … well … a pretty powerful thing. A pretty powerful feeling.

It is something everyone should have.

It is a good thing.

It is aspirational and motivating and hopeful.

And, yet, it is also frightening, disappointing and potentially corrosive to your esteem and who you are.

Ah.

But that is why the people who see you as you wish you could be are powerful people.

Don’t ignore those people if you are fortunate enough to have one in your Life.