Opinion: Update on renovations

So here is the rundown on the current situation at Chez Wilson. Our kitchen is completely gutted. We have no cabinets, no oven and no stovetop. A thick layer of drywall dust coats the entire first floor. I’ve come home the last three days to find the dog, who appears to somehow have broken her tail, eating trash under the makeshift dining room table. Doo and I argue nightly over light fixtures, our latch-key children are living off of dry cereal and canned pasta, and the one break I get from dealing with the catastrophe of our house – jogging – consistently results in me peeing my pants. (Seriously, how does one hydrate efficiently without needing a Depends?) Let me also point out that I gave up not only my beloved Diet Crack but all soda for Lent. At least Jesus knows I’m taking my sacrifices very seriously this year.

And yet, life is good. The kids complain about the lack of home-cooking, but seem excited about the renovations. Doo and I waste hours debating the virtues of pendant lighting versus wagon-wheel chandeliers, but have had many quality dates at Home Depot. Our pets are taking advantage of doors left open, food left on the ground, and the perpetual mud baths created as we drive through the yard every morning to navigate a narrow driveway with three cars since our garage has been converted into a temporary U-Store-It unit. Yes, this past week has been every bit annoying as that last run-on sentence!

How long can our sanity last? Who knows, but I’m proud of our stick-togetherness so far. We may all stroke out by the end of the month from the number of high sodium frozen foods we’re ingesting, and I might off Doo in his sleep if he continues to insist on wainscoting instead of bead board, but with spring clearly on her glorious way in, the outlook is positive.

There’s definitely a light and a case of Diet Coke at the end of this remodel tunnel. If only I could do something about the stupid incontinence. Peace out.