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I CAN NOT believe DD said this...

DD is 5 and in pre-K. She has a brother who has Asperger's so she knows all about Autism and how people can be different. There is a little boy in her class who has HFA or Asperger's... I am not sure exactly. Anyway. DD says at large group time to her teachers, loudly, 'Ms. *****, are you sick of **** being in our class, cause I am!' OMG. I wanted to hide under a rock. We talked about it all AGAIN and her teacher talked about it. I have assured her that her teacher loves all her students and asked he why she would think Ms. ***** would be sick of ****. She says because he screams a lot. I think this just bothers be because she was so mean to him and so... bigotus- maybe that is the word... when she has a brother with the same issues. I am just sad she is not more accepting after all she has been through. ::sigh:: She is already super prideful recently and now this. What am I going to do with this girl?

Did you actually say that the teacher "loves" all of her students? Isn't that a big assumption? I'd also like to point out that you can love someone AND be sick of dealing with them at the same time. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm pretty sure she HAS a point. Rather than lying to her about other people's feelings, why not talk about it differently, in terms of people's rights to participate, and being fair to people about things they don't have a choice about?

Assumption or not I do not want my child feeling like her teacher has favorite or that she is tired of or doesn't like another student. Nor do I want her saying such hurtful things. It is not my child's place to know which kids, if any, the teacher is 'tired of deal with'

Don't make her ashamed of her feelings. That will cause huge problems as she gets older.

Answer by
Anonymous
at 4:53 PM on Feb. 7, 2013

I don't give a shit about her feelings- she can have the feelings- she just can't say crap like that. She needs to learn to be a good friend even if that means keeping her mouth shut. I will not raise a bully.

So sorry to hear this. It is understandable that you took it especially hard. It brings up a lot of feelings, I'm sure. And with other people involved..There are many layers as to why this would be so upsetting!
Were you there (it sounded almost like you were, "OMG. I wanted to hide under a rock") or did you hear about it from the teacher after the fact? I wonder how the teacher handled it (with her, and with you)? I'm not asking you, just saying all these things factor into the reaction, and can add to the tendency to personalize it, or feel it is a reflection on you (that she would say that.)
Bottom line: it isn't hard to understand that this was upsetting & why!
I also agree with points about what's problematic with the possibility of suggesting that certain feelings are wrong/bad, or don't exist in others. I don't think the suggestion is to "agree" that the teacher IS sick of anyone(!), but to emphasize kindness/inclusion.

I was not in the room but I work there so these are my co-workers who know about our family situation telling me this. I did tell her that her teacher loves all of her students and that she should never feel like her teacher is sick of anyone and questioned why she said that. I wanted to make sure there was not something I needed to know about and possibly report. We talked about (again) how people are different and how she should be a good friend and not be hurtful. She told me what she said did not make the boy sad because he did not look sad so we talked about how hurtful words give people a sad heart even if their face doesn't show it. She knows all of these things already. We have talked about being a good friend to this boy and she told me today that she was not his friend because he had no friends so we addressed that too.