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Topic : School Issues

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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 01:14:15 pm

Author : dataimport

Does your child dread going to school? Are they having problems with unfinished homework or slipping grades? Is their a personality conflict with their teacher? Share your school issues here and get advice and support from other parents.

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Separation anxiety

I too was a stay at home mom. The separation anxiety started for us when my son started preschool. In his case, a little bus came to pick him up since he had developmental delays and had to go to a special school. Every day when the bus came, the tears would start. On one hand, I felt terrible knowing that I was sending my son out into the world without me. On the other hand, it felt good to know that he wanted to be with me. Also, I knew that I was doing the right thing by sending him, so that helped me deal with the guilt.

I soon learned that the shorter and sweeter our good-byes were, the quicker he was able to adjust. Because he had the bus ride, he was always calm by the time he got to school. As a matter of fact, the bus driver used to say that as soon as the bus turned the corner and our house was out of sight, he calmed down.

My advice is to talk about all of the fun, positive things about school as you're getting ready; remind her that you'll be there for her when school is over. When you say good-bye, make it short and sweet. Don't get sucked in by the tears to linger and offer her comfort. Once you've said good-bye, it's somebody else's job to comfort her and distract her. It's hard, I know, but it will get easier.

By the way, after you've left her, go get yourself a latte or something. Or do some deep-breathing exercises. (Whatever you do to manage stress.) Saying good-bye is stressful for you too.

If a bus is available for your daughter to ride to school, send her on the bus. If you must drive her to school, see that she gets there and leave immediately. Don't wait while the kids stand in line to go in. The sooner you leave her, the sooner she will adjust. By hanging around, you are giving her the message that you leaving is a problem rather than a normal circumstance.

STRAIGHT FROM THE SOURCE

My 8th grade year was the last year in the public school system, health problems being the main reason but there were many, many more. First thing i must say to the parents: if your child tells you "this teacher is out to get me", dont just blow it off, you would be supprised how many situations that this is a fact. Nowadays a lot of teachers just teach for the paycheck, not for the passion of teaching. that was the case at my school. I have only had a few good teachers in the years that i attended public school, the rest just didnt really give a damn. sometimes parents will go and sit in on a class to see what their kid is complaining about...do you really think the teacher or the students will act the same as if no one from the outside was in there? the teacher doesnt want to deal with a complaining parent, so they arent going to mistreat any students. my old principal would do just about anything to get a parent out of his office. a lot of teachers JUST DONT CARE. personality conflicts are always an issue, sometimes they happen for no reason, and sometimes they happen because of the childs work in class.

Homework and classwork have always been an issue with me. there should be no such thing as "home" work. you do learning at school, if you cant get everything done there then the teacher is not doing their job. When you stay up until 10 or 11 doing homework...that just isnt acceptable in my mind. teachers need to cut the useless stuff out of the curriculum and just do the basics. read the chapter, do an assignment. thats it. instead it seems like there is so much more. they push way too much onto kids. the homeschool parents will agree with me here. especially if your child has been in the public school system, y'all will back me up, HAH!

This is so true! I am an adult that works in a major school district in Houston, Texas. I left a job at the elementary level that I loved, to transfer to my daughter's middle school, because there are some teachers' that just don't care. I am a paraeducator(para) and I sometimes joke that I'm just there for the paycheck, but really I'm not. That's what separates me from some of them. I CARE! I can't help it. I have been reading the message boards on "school issues" and I can see that schools around the country need to get a clue. With the doctors diagnosing autism and other disorders better than they have in the past, gone are the days' when we thought "little Johnny" was just a slow learner. I have been told by a fellow para that one of my daughter's teachers said this,"If they need any help at all, they shouldn't be in my class at all". This teacher teaches an upper level class in 6th grade and said something to me as a parent , that maybe in the on level classes that my kid would be able to keep up better. WRONG. There is a para in there now( as per her modifications states in the first place) and she has made everything so much better . All she needed was a little help and she wasn't the only one!

I also think the schools should get back to teaching the basics. In Texas all they do is teach the kids how to take "THE TEST". If you live in Texas you know what I'm talking about ! Well, with all these kids' with Asperger's syndrome(a form of high functioning autism), ADD/ADHD, OCD, CAPD(central auditory processing didorder), dyslexia, TBI( traumatic brain injury), bipolar disorder, etc., and the anxiety that all these kids go through on a regular school day( and trust me, they suffer more than the average kid) these schools and some of those teachers' better start DEALING WITH IT! whew! - that was a mouthful.

So when your kid says that a teacher is out to get them, you had better check it out. And let the teacher and the school FEEL your presence. There are a lot of people that really shouldn't be teaching out there, and there are probably some of them at your kids' school!

School Issues

If a bus is available for your daughter to ride to school, send her on the bus. If you must drive her to school, see that she gets there and leave immediately. Don't wait while the kids stand in line to go in. The sooner you leave her, the sooner she will adjust. By hanging around, you are giving her the message that you leaving is a problem rather than a normal circumstance.

I absolutely agree with the advice to leave promptly when saying good-bye to your child at school. So many times, the child is fine with being there...they enjoy school, the teacher, friends, activities, etc. We forget that at even at a young age, children can sense the emotions of those around them. If you are apprehensive about leaving your child, they too will feel apprehensive about being there. Sometimes they feel guilty for leaving YOU alone! (THere are some great books available for young children about what mommy will do while they are away at school.) It is a great idea to talk about school before going and once they get home. But, in addition, consider discussing your day with your child so they still feel connected to your life while they are away. Make it an adventure...a time of connection while you share your experiences with each other.

School Issues

This is so true! I am an adult that works in a major school district in Houston, Texas. I left a job at the elementary level that I loved, to transfer to my daughter's middle school, because there are some teachers' that just don't care. I am a paraeducator(para) and I sometimes joke that I'm just there for the paycheck, but really I'm not. That's what separates me from some of them. I CARE! I can't help it. I have been reading the message boards on "school issues" and I can see that schools around the country need to get a clue. With the doctors diagnosing autism and other disorders better than they have in the past, gone are the days' when we thought "little Johnny" was just a slow learner. I have been told by a fellow para that one of my daughter's teachers said this,"If they need any help at all, they shouldn't be in my class at all". This teacher teaches an upper level class in 6th grade and said something to me as a parent , that maybe in the on level classes that my kid would be able to keep up better. WRONG. There is a para in there now( as per her modifications states in the first place) and she has made everything so much better . All she needed was a little help and she wasn't the only one!

I also think the schools should get back to teaching the basics. In Texas all they do is teach the kids how to take "THE TEST". If you live in Texas you know what I'm talking about ! Well, with all these kids' with Asperger's syndrome(a form of high functioning autism), ADD/ADHD, OCD, CAPD(central auditory processing didorder), dyslexia, TBI( traumatic brain injury), bipolar disorder, etc., and the anxiety that all these kids go through on a regular school day( and trust me, they suffer more than the average kid) these schools and some of those teachers' better start DEALING WITH IT! whew! - that was a mouthful.

So when your kid says that a teacher is out to get them, you had better check it out. And let the teacher and the school FEEL your presence. There are a lot of people that really shouldn't be teaching out there, and there are probably some of them at your kids' school!

Hi there!

I'm 17 and was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome in May 2005, and I really know what you are talking about! People, teachers among with students, look at me and think: "She's perfectly normal!", but I'm not. They wonder why I get all that attention, why I have a reduced scheduale and why I do all tests verbally. They wonder why I'm allowed to sketch while the teacher is talking, why I can listen to music and why I can "get out of" groupassignments. Sometimes I want to yell at them, that I'm not normal. I feel like I should have a "real bad Aspie day", as I call the days when I just don't get any non-verbal comunication at all, just to show them, but I'm feeling to fine for it.

Teachers often encourage me and say "if you just put a little more effort in to [subject], you'd get straight A's!" But guess what? It's so painful to sit in the classroom and try make out ONE voice from all the other 30 voices that I can't. And I can't really do homework, because for me life in school and life at home are different worlds (I discovered this after reading the book "Haze"). If I got homework that has to be turned in to get a grade, I do them at school, on breaks or lunches.

My IQ is above average, but I still have problems to fight with everyday, things "regulat people" don't seem to notice. When did you hear the air conditioner or ventilation the last time? Who coughed? Did you hear Anna, three rows to the left and four seats down, drop that pen? Have you noticed how hard it is to watch a person in bright lightning when she's standing against the whiteboard? Do you smell that parfume across the room?

teaching to the test

This is so true! I am an adult that works in a major school district in Houston, Texas. I left a job at the elementary level that I loved, to transfer to my daughter's middle school, because there are some teachers' that just don't care. I am a paraeducator(para) and I sometimes joke that I'm just there for the paycheck, but really I'm not. That's what separates me from some of them. I CARE! I can't help it. I have been reading the message boards on "school issues" and I can see that schools around the country need to get a clue. With the doctors diagnosing autism and other disorders better than they have in the past, gone are the days' when we thought "little Johnny" was just a slow learner. I have been told by a fellow para that one of my daughter's teachers said this,"If they need any help at all, they shouldn't be in my class at all". This teacher teaches an upper level class in 6th grade and said something to me as a parent , that maybe in the on level classes that my kid would be able to keep up better. WRONG. There is a para in there now( as per her modifications states in the first place) and she has made everything so much better . All she needed was a little help and she wasn't the only one!

I also think the schools should get back to teaching the basics. In Texas all they do is teach the kids how to take "THE TEST". If you live in Texas you know what I'm talking about ! Well, with all these kids' with Asperger's syndrome(a form of high functioning autism), ADD/ADHD, OCD, CAPD(central auditory processing didorder), dyslexia, TBI( traumatic brain injury), bipolar disorder, etc., and the anxiety that all these kids go through on a regular school day( and trust me, they suffer more than the average kid) these schools and some of those teachers' better start DEALING WITH IT! whew! - that was a mouthful.

So when your kid says that a teacher is out to get them, you had better check it out. And let the teacher and the school FEEL your presence. There are a lot of people that really shouldn't be teaching out there, and there are probably some of them at your kids' school!

I know exactly what you're talking about. My sister is from Texas and she has been telling me for years about teachers teaching to the test. Now, with a President and the Secretary of Education from Texas, the whole country gets to deal with this mind-set more than ever. I live far from Texas, but I see the trend in education going backwards rather than moving forwards.

I also have a son who has Asperger's and I can tell you that the schools have done a lousy job of addressing his weaknesses. According to one autism expert, what distinguishes all people with autism-spectrum disorders is that while they may have strong "absolute intelligence" (i.e., memorization of rote facts like they teach in school), they have weak "dynamic intelligence" (i.e., the ability to adapt to changing situations, etc. that is essential for human interaction). If it were just up to the school staff, my son would have never been identified as having special needs. In their eyes, he is a model student.

I also wanted to say that there are teachers out there who care--I'm one of them--or at least I used to be. The problem is that the System often prevents caring teachers from doing the job the way they feel it should be done. Teachers are forced to teach curriculum, rather than focusing on meeting the needs of their students; their success or failure is determined solely based on test scores.

I'll give you a very personal example. I was a Title 1 reading teacher. My personal goal was to figure out why each of my students was struggling with reading and address it in the best way possible. If I felt they needed help that I personally wasn't qualified to give, I would refer them to someone who could help them. That's what I would want my own kids' teachers to do. Well, it turned out that one of my students had a vision disorder that wasn't identified on the (useless) school vision screenings that are routinely done. But because I had done a lot of reading on vision disorders that relate to reading problems, I recognized the symptoms and attempted to share this information with the child's parents, his classroom teacher (who was erroneously calling him "dyslexic") and the principal. I was basically told that I should stick to teaching phonics and assessing reading comprehension and that I was wrong to refer this child's parents to outside help. Believing that following this directive and teaching this kid phonics (who already had a good grasp of phonics and knew that reading also has to make sense) would do him more harm than good, I resigned. Now, I'm not teaching at all.

School Issues

I absolutely agree with the advice to leave promptly when saying good-bye to your child at school. So many times, the child is fine with being there...they enjoy school, the teacher, friends, activities, etc. We forget that at even at a young age, children can sense the emotions of those around them. If you are apprehensive about leaving your child, they too will feel apprehensive about being there. Sometimes they feel guilty for leaving YOU alone! (THere are some great books available for young children about what mommy will do while they are away at school.) It is a great idea to talk about school before going and once they get home. But, in addition, consider discussing your day with your child so they still feel connected to your life while they are away. Make it an adventure...a time of connection while you share your experiences with each other.

As a teacher of the younger children, I agree to a point with this message. Most parents who bring their children to school should then leave promptly. The child will quickly get over any anxiety [although Mom might still be feeling upset by the separation!] However, recently I had a parent who was so anxious about what was going on in the classroom that she was passing it on to her child who seemed actually depressed to be there. I allowed her to stay for the morning before recess and it was almost as if a cloud lifted from this woman. She could see that her child was in good hands, that he had friends and that he was learning a lot. By the time recess came she was able to separate from her son quite happily - and that was the end of the boy's 'school phobia'. When Mama isn't happy, nobody's happy, I guess. Every child, every family is so individual that no hard and fast rule can apply to everyone.

School Issues

I'm 17 and was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome in May 2005, and I really know what you are talking about! People, teachers among with students, look at me and think: "She's perfectly normal!", but I'm not. They wonder why I get all that attention, why I have a reduced scheduale and why I do all tests verbally. They wonder why I'm allowed to sketch while the teacher is talking, why I can listen to music and why I can "get out of" groupassignments. Sometimes I want to yell at them, that I'm not normal. I feel like I should have a "real bad Aspie day", as I call the days when I just don't get any non-verbal comunication at all, just to show them, but I'm feeling to fine for it.

Teachers often encourage me and say "if you just put a little more effort in to [subject, you'd get straight A's!" But guess what? It's so painful to sit in the classroom and try make out ONE voice from all the other 30 voices that I can't. And I can't really do homework, because for me life in school and life at home are different worlds (I discovered this after reading the book "Haze"). If I got homework that has to be turned in to get a grade, I do them at school, on breaks or lunches.

My IQ is above average, but I still have problems to fight with everyday, things "regulat people" don't seem to notice. When did you hear the air conditioner or ventilation the last time? Who coughed? Did you hear Anna, three rows to the left and four seats down, drop that pen? Have you noticed how hard it is to watch a person in bright lightning when she's standing against the whiteboard? Do you smell that parfume across the room?

I dunno... I might have missed the point a bit, but still...

YOU SOUND A LOT LIKE MY DAUGHTER. So I do know what I'm talking about, heck Dr. Phil could do a whole season on these issues. I also neglected to say how much depression is intertwined with all these disorders. My older daughter suffered with major depression and it was very hard to make the school understand what I was dealing with at home. My younger daughter has PDD( pervuasive development disorder- it's what they label a kid with when their disorder doesn't fit neatly in any autism category), and also suffers from OCD-(obsessive compulsive disorder), severe anxiety , and depression. And the OCD and anxiety are actually other forms of depression. They don't understand how much stress it puts on her just to get through a normal day. Rushing to classes, remembering to turn in homework, having to deal with "normal" distractions, etc. If they were to offer her a chance to be in only one or two classrooms a day, instead of moving all over the building - AND have decent teachers to work with her and the others at her school that are like her, I would probably jump at the chance.

Teenagers and their behaviors in school

I have a teenager in high school. He used to get good grades in elementary school n up to the 7th grade. In his eighth grade year he went to another school this school he had teachers who did not care about the students learning nor wanted parental invovlement. During the school year we had problems with him lying and stealing. Now he is in the ninth grade, his behaviorhas gotten a little better but he still exhibits the type of behavior he had his eighth grade year. His grades are picking up. He likes his teachers this year. I see a little change in his behavior. I felt that some of the tension of his eighth grade year may have had an influence on his behavior and his outlook on things due to the teachers attitudes towards him, thus leaving him hopeless. What do you think?

I hear ya!

You could drive him to school, walk him to his class and stand outside the door until school is over.

Tammy

I also have a 15 year old son that just won't go to school. There is no way I can pick up a 6'2" 160 lb young man and throw him in the car! He has been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and is on medication. He takes his medication and is fine in every other way! He is a good smart kid that won't go to school if he doesn't want to! The last resort is boot camp or PINS! I just don't know what to do. He just came back from military school where he did very well. I almost regret taking him out on the promise he would go to public school with no problems. We financially cannot afford the school, but was willing to do whatever it took. I know I have no choice to be strong and do what is right for him which may mean he may hate me!

dealing with sensory issues

YOU SOUND A LOT LIKE MY DAUGHTER. So I do know what I'm talking about, heck Dr. Phil could do a whole season on these issues. I also neglected to say how much depression is intertwined with all these disorders. My older daughter suffered with major depression and it was very hard to make the school understand what I was dealing with at home. My younger daughter has PDD( pervuasive development disorder- it's what they label a kid with when their disorder doesn't fit neatly in any autism category), and also suffers from OCD-(obsessive compulsive disorder), severe anxiety , and depression. And the OCD and anxiety are actually other forms of depression. They don't understand how much stress it puts on her just to get through a normal day. Rushing to classes, remembering to turn in homework, having to deal with "normal" distractions, etc. If they were to offer her a chance to be in only one or two classrooms a day, instead of moving all over the building - AND have decent teachers to work with her and the others at her school that are like her, I would probably jump at the chance.

I have a son with Aspergers' (a milder form of PDD) who USED to have a lot of sensory issues to deal with. But there are therapies out there to deal with Sensory Processing Disorders. Occupational Therapists can help. For my son, it was crucial that we deal with the sound sensitivity, so he also had Berard Auditory Integration Training. He also had vision therapy supervised by an optometrist who is a Fellow of the College of Optometric Vision Development.

I can't say that any of these therapies were a cure-all. My son still has Asperger's and needs help developing social skills, but he is able to get through the day with much less stress and needs a lot less support than he would have otherwise. (His only modification is extra time for tests and he rarely sees his consultant teacher.) He can also enjoy activities that he would have totally avoided before--such as being a statistician for the high school basketball team. (He wouldn't have been able to tolerate going to a basketball game before, due to the overstimulation.)

I am totally frustrated that treatments that I have just described are so hard to get (you often have to pay for them out of your own pocket, like we did). Meanwhile, it's a lot more expensive for schools to pay for the additional support (special education teachers, speech services, 1:1 aides, etc.) but they do it anyway.