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Saturday, July 31, 2010

Remember that time that Carol Anne was sucked through her bedroom closet, presumably used as a beacon of light and hope for those lost souls caught traveling between two dimensions? Well recent evidence has brought a new story to the table, and it suggests that the TV People weren't really after Carol Anne at all. Hold onto your bed frames, things are about to get controversial.

You see, it all began when I was thinking about Robbie. Poor Robbie. He's ugly, he's the middle child and he doesn't eat as much as Dana

(PS why is she wearing a button on her bathrobe??) nor is he adorable and 5 years old like Carol Anne. So what could he possibly be good for? Heck, even when he thinks he's going to get all the attention by being eaten by a tree

Carol Anne goes and gets herself sucked through the closet causing all the focus to be right back on her. Well this may very well be Robbie's lucky day, because according to this evidence, it is actually his fault that the TV people acted out in the first place.

Even though Robbie has nothing going for him looks wise, he does have what is perhaps the most amazing collection of Star Wars toys and memorabilia this world has ever seen. What the world really wants to know is how he in the heck he got his hands on all that good stuff when his father is a crappy real estate agent and his mother has no job. Setting aside the notion that Steven Spielberg likes to shout out to his buddy George Lucas, the question of Robbie's immense collection is quite mind boggling.

In fact this question is so mind boggling that the TV People couldn't figure it out themselves. They were so amazed, and concerned about this collection that they decided they would have to get their hands on it to see what the deal was. Yes, you guessed it---the TV people really only wanted Robbie's Star Wars toys. The only problem was, the wind to suck it out was so intense that they got Carol Anne thrown in as a bonus. And since they only wanted the Star Wars goodies, the TV people took Carol Anne and threw her aside where the Beast scooped her up. See? It makes perfect sense. That's why the TV People never came to her aide once she was connected to the Beast. They weren't afraid of the Beast--they were busy playing with the Star Wars toys.

Still don't believe me? How about this. All the other toys were sucked into the closet but were still in the room when the Freelings came back inside. The only toys missing are the Star Wars toys! Just like Carol Anne, the Star Wars stuff was obviously taken to the other side. Similarly, when the paranormal investigators go into the room and find all the bewitched toys gallivanting around--there is virtually no sign of any Star Wars stuff (save for a poster of Darth Vader, but who wants a poster?). Therefore the only sane conclusion that can be drawn is that the TV people are really big Star Wars fans. Duh.

Now let us take a look at that amazing collection.

Yoda puppet (thanks Michelle)

Does anyone really own the model of the probe droid at the beginning of The Empire Strikes Back? I didn't think so. Shit's rare dude! You can't see it but there's also a large Tie Fighter on that shelf.

A bust of Darth Vader AND Star Wars sheets.

Seriously?! A Tauntaun figurine?! And a Star Wars poster of course. But for real. That Tauntaun is money. Also it disappears and reappears all the time and is replaced by an R2-D2 model that we'll see later, and also it sometimes becomes a Rubik's cube.

See? This shot is literally a second after the one above it, and now R2 is there. Tauntaun's work in mysterious ways...

And there's the Rubik's Cube!

A better look at that shelf.

A Chewbacca jacket? I bet the TV People fought long and hard over that one.

It's hard to see but there! Right by Craig T Nelson's left arm--the Tauntaun returns!

And then BOOM Yoda is back. Shit's crazy.

A little double poster action.

And perhaps the piece de resistance--a C3-PO light switch!

Yes quite the collection. Join me next time when we delve into the REAL reason Robbie has so many Star Wars toys to begin with.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

For many people out in there in the world, summer is one of the greatest times of the year. For me however it may very well be one of the worst. The reasoning behind it all is the fact that Jaws and Shark Week are played and advertised repeatedly on what feels like every channel. What’s wrong with Jaws you ask? Well nothing. In fact it’s an incredible movie—or at least I think it is from what I can tell when I’m hiding behind my hands. The sad fact of the matter is that I’m horribly afraid of sharks (for details on the extent and severity of this fear click here). So much so that I can’t even see a shark on TV without letting out the smallest of yelps and punching whomever is sitting closest to me. As much of a horror fan as I am the sad fact still remains: I have never seen the movie Jaws without hiding behind a pillow. Please spare me the comments of “the shark looks fake!” and Jaws is a great movie!”, because I know all of this. I know it’s incredibly fake looking and that Jaws may in fact be one of the greatest movies of all time. It doesn’t matter. To me the idea of watching Jaw is closely related to the idea of killing a baby-- it totally sucks!

So how did my completely insane fear of sharks begin? Unfortunately I cannot point to a specific incident (I did not return from a shark attack armless yet brawny) rather, I can point to a series of memories. One of my earliest was when I was in some kind of permit office with my Dad. On the wall was a vast collection of shark jaw bones, the largest one being bigger than I was. I can’t really determine if this was a dream or something that actually happened, but its memory continues to persist. In the next memory I was making a sandwich when I peered into the living room to see what all the screaming was about. On the screen, a girl had jumped into the water to rescue a little boy and as she climbed back in the boat the shark came and swallowed her whole. I would later come to realize that this moment was in fact from Jaws 2 which meant nothing except that NO Jaws movies were safe.

After that I remember hiding underneath a scratchy and hot wool blanket while my sister watched Jaws on TV. It was balls to the wall hot under there and yet I watched /listened to the entire thing, which says something about my curiosity. Next, I remember sitting on the library floor with Peter Benchley’s Jaws opened in front of me. I read the first chapter and cried a little on the inside. My readers should be familiar with my next memory, a trip to the Boston Museum of Fine Art and a look at one of the most terrifying paintings I have ever seen. After this it was a compilation of nightmares, terrible ones where I’d relive the same dream about 5 times in one REM cycle. Always the same, with a shark popping up somewhere and trying to eat me. Yes, these memories are I think, the foundation for my irrational fear.

Lately however, I’m come to realize that this fear is a little too irrational. I even staged an intervention with myself after yelping out loud during the preview for Despicable Me. How am I ever going to be taken seriously in this life if I can’t even face a cartoon shark? Yes, it was time to take some drastic action. My mind instantly wandered to my college Psychology class in which we talked about phobias. This whole process of desensitization seemed to work out for these people so I thought, why not try it out? For those that do not know, desensitization goes something like this; a person is afraid of snakes. You start small by showing that person pictures of snakes, then videos. Soon you bring a snake in the room but keep it far away from the person. Little by little you bring the snake closer and before you know it, the person is holding the snake! Now before we go any further let’s make something very clear. I do not intend to swim with great white sharks when this is over. Please, I’d sooner die and plus we just don’t have the resources…. So my little experiment will be a minor one. Thank GOD.

I began slowly by Googling the word “shark” and unwillingly opened one eye to peer at the results. A minute later I awoke to find myself on the floor and Professor Lupin was handing me a piece of chocolate. I had failed miserably. Alright that’s an exaggeration. But when I do get a glimpse of those gaping shark mouths my heart skips a beat and I feel like someone punched me in the gut. This challenge was going to be a lot harder than I thought. After more Googles, YouTube videos and terror spilling out of my face, was I ready? Well, no, not really, but time was of the essence and August was on my heels. I had to make big moves and fast. So brace yourself because I’m about to take things to the next level pretty quickly in order to get rid of this fear once and for all, and what better place to showcase this experiment than right here? Over the course of the rest of the summer, I will be watching all 4 (!) Jaws movies, while I remain strapped to a Clockwork Orange chair,

and get needle tape stuck under my eyes,

also there will probably be a glass of vodka involved. Yes, I very well may die in the process, but I’d do anything to get rid of this fear, even…dying. So stay tuned for my experiences as I dun dun dun--- FACE THE FEAR!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

For many people, summer is one of the scariest seasons of the year. This is due of course to the ever menacing stare of last year's bathing suit you have crumpled up in your dresser drawer. For other, smarter people like me, summer is the scariest season of the year due to the ever menacing presence of sharks. I'll let you decide what is the bigger threat. In honor of bathing suit season, Emmy Doomas and I have resurrected the Fashion Digest to update some of our favorite horror movie swimsuits. Behold the vast array of decent people wearing some indecent suits. Well I guess not everyone is decent...*cough* Sarah Michelle Gellar.. just kidding! Sort of.

SUSPIRIA

We'll begin with our two favorite ballet students as they make their entrance into the most delightful swimming pool this side of Germany. I'll try to refrain from talking about the gloriousness of such a scene but it will be difficult. I really had no idea that Suzy was a surfer girl though. It looks like she's wearing a wetsuit pulled right off the little girl's department at Marshall's. And don't even get me started on oranGINA (pronounced with emphasis on gina like VAGINA) over there. Let's just say that if the Demon needed a reason to kill Sarah--this swim suit was his inspiration.

Broccolini, Puggle….Tankini!!!

I feel like lately the world has recently embarked on an exhibition of half-assness. Why wear full pants, when you can rock capris? Why wear a full shirt when you can rock a baby doll tee? Why rock either long or short hair, when you have the satisfaction of both in a mullet?! It’s like we can’t have either chocolate or vanilla, but we must always have a twist. Along those lines, the world was introduced to the tankini in the late 90s. Perfect for those who want the coverage of a one piece, yet can’t bear to say they bought one, thus along comes a meshing of words and a whole new trend! I don’t mind tankinis in the least, whatever floats your boat, as they say. But I prefer tankinis that mix it up a little, ergo the problem I have with the girl in Suspiria. Why not just get a pink one piece if you going to have the same color top and bottom? Never mind, I have yet to see a tankini that is not a tank. What’s with the short sleeves? Looking further into this it looks like she just got lazy and bought a pink t-shirt and matching granny panties. Wait, is this even a bathing suit?!!! If you’re going the tankini route, I suggest mixing your patterns. How cool is this little number from Macys? Ruffles, a meshing of not two, but THREE prints (polka dots and stripes, need I say more) and a cute stringy bottom and v-neck to boot. Just because you don’t want to show your stomach doesn’t mean you have to look like a frumpy beached whale!

Tankini’s sidekick’s choice of swim-wear is also pretty cringe inducing. Is she a huge Bengals fan or perhaps normally enjoys wearing the festive colors of Halloween? Sick. If you’re going to go two-tone, I would first drop the piping. By now, it’s too 80s, and not in a good way. You can go 80’s inspired and still look hot. Check out this two-toned suit from American Apparel. First of all, the colors are kick-ass. My favorite---cobalt and serpent. While this looks a biiiiiit high cut (call your Brazilian waxologist ASAP), people will at least start confusing you with Pamela Anderson, and that ain’t too shabby!

I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER

I happen to be one of the last people on this earth who does not love Sarah Michelle Gellar. I admit I was never a big Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan and I'll also admit that I was a bigger fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer the movie...what? It has Hilary Swank in it..helllooo she won an Oscar one time? But anyways, Helen here in I Know What You Did Last Summer chooses a very interesting selection in her quest to become Miss Old Fisherman's Village Mermaid or whatever that pageant was called. Alright she's hot I admit it, but really--who can get away with a suit like this? That's right. Nobody.

Monokinis---a lesson in “tan lines be damned!”!

A big trend for this year is the monokini. For all of you out of the fashion loop, a monokini is basically a one piece bikini. In laymen’s terms, let me see how many holes I can cut into this suit before I look too ridiculous! When I first saw them coming back to life, my first thought was A. how many more hybrid bathing suits can we possibly endure!!! and B. WORST TAN LINE IN THE WORLD. Alas, if we’re talking about updating classic horror bathing suit styles, than I think Sarah Michelle here really should have rocked the monokini. Basically, if you cut out those disaster white crosshatched pieces, you would have a modified monokini (yes, alliteration!). Face it—a monokini is hot. Though they slightly remind me of a bathing suit I rocked circa 1990. Who else remembers the days when as a young girl, your Mom refused to let you look like an 8 year old slut and wouldn’t let you buy a bikini, but sprung for the bathing suit with a huge hole where the stomach area should be? Mine was black, with neon piping and nautical symbols puffy painted all over it. Basically bikini training wheels if you will. And yes, I had an AWESOME tan line.

CAT PEOPLE

It took me awhile to convince Emmy Doomas that Jane Randolph here in Cat People was actually wearing a swimsuit and not a dress. Since I love Cat People and know that she is in fact wearing a swimsuit when a panther/cat/person growls from the shadows, this was clearly a battle I would win. And also I can prove it with this action shot:

I for one, adore the vintage style found so prominently today and happen to own my very own vintage style swimsuit. Unfortunately due to my fear of sharks, this swimsuit is seldom seen. But anywho. What better way to escape a panther/cat/person than by wearing a sassy little vintage number from the 1940s?

Grandma… Why are your boobs so pointy??

As Andre will be happy to tell you, I am obsessed with vintage. Any clothing, music, behaviors that occurred from the 1920-1960s—I’m there. Thankfully, vintage bathing suits are coming back in a big way. What I really like about these styles, is that designers made very few changes. They originals were so nice and classy, why ruin a good thing? The suit worn by the woman from Cat People, at first looked like a dress to me. A tight one, but it looked almost too long to be a bathing suit. I found very similar ones in JCrew, though they have shortened them just a bit, so no one will get confused and bust out their bathing suit at work or anything. Also a big change here is the lack of cone boobs. One thing I don’t miss from the 1950s/60s; bras that will poke a man’s eye out! Who ever thought that was a good idea? Whose breasts are that pointy?!?!! I feel like once women took over bra designing it was a whole new ball game. Thank you feminist revolution!!

THE TALENTED MR. RIPLEY

Ooooh banana hammocks! Even though The Talented Mr. Ripley isn't considered a horror film, one can argue that Matt Damon's neon green briefs here are quite terrifying. Let's cut to the chase---it looks like a diaper. Now I heard somewhere that this style was possibly coming back except improved. To be honest I'm not quite sure where I stand on that issue except to say that I'll think Daniel Craig is attractive in any bathing suit. What? Horror? Oh right. Ummm the floor is yours Emmy.

Men Men Men Men Manly Men

Not that I ever wish I were a man, but definitely not when it comes to bathing suit shopping! What a nightmare. Nowadays, you have about one style to choose from. Even if you wanted to sport a banana hammock, where do they sell those babies? Dicky Greenleaf chose a fine suit here—aside from the neon yellow; who knew that color even existed back then—this was a super huge trend back in the day. Look at this cool vintage shot I found of a guy on the beach in the 1930s!

Love the high waist and ooo a belt! Also, the um, shall we say bulge factor. After the surfing revolution, guys are reduced to board shorts or if they are really brave---speedos. And we all know who rocks speedos now. It’s never the guys you want to be wearing them---it’s your fat old men with nothing to lose, except 100 lbs, their chia pet back hair, and that cheese-dog in their hand.So I’ve picked two options for men this time around. This one for the daring, Dicky Greenleaf lovers.

It’s more modern material, a bit short and tight, but HOT. Plus the model looks like an Irish guy I hooked up with two summers ago. Also, here’s one board short option, in which I love the print.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Pax Romano of the critically acclaimed blog Billy Loves Stu started this thing called the first ever Billy Loves Stu Meme for Horror Bloggers. Apparently it's the first EVER meme for horror bloggers? Oh no wait I get it, it's the first one Billy Loves Stu ever did! But what is it? WHAT IS A MEME? Apparently it's something kind of like mind reading or maybe copying with permission. Whatever it is I couldn't deny the powers of conformity.

So here are my answers to those wonderfully mind bending questions.

1: In Ten Words or Less, Describe Your Blog:

Sass with class, and a little brass?

2: During What Cinematic Era Where you Born?

A: The Classic Horror Era (late 30's to 40's)

B: The Atomic Monster/Nuclear Angst Era (the late 40's through 50's)

C: The Psycho Era ( Early 60's)

D: The Rosemary's Baby Era (Mid to Late 60's)

E: The Exorcism Era (Early to mid 70's)

F: The Halloween Era (Late 70's to Early 80's)

G: The Slasher Era (Mid to late 80's)

H: The Self Referential/Post Modern Era (1990 to 1999)

I was born in G. The Slasher Era but I belong in the Exorcism Era....siiiiigh.

3: The Carrie Compatibility Question:

(gay men and straight women - make your choice from section A)

A: Billy Nolan or Tommy Ross, who would you take to the prom?

(straight guys and lesbians - make your choice from section B)

B: Sue Snell or Chris Hargensen, who would you take to the prom?

Alright ugh. I hate blonde men but I also hate John Travolta.....this is no good. I guess I'd suck it up and take Tommy Ross I just can't get over that chiseled chin of John Travolta's....his caricature from Grease sums it all up.

4: You have been given an ungodly amount of money, and total control of a major motion picture studio - what would your dream Horror project be?

I've always wanted to remake Salem's Lot in actual movie length. People give me devil eyes when I say that but whatever. Things can be edited from that like nobody's business. I just really want a version of Salem's Lot that scared me as much as when I was reading it, is that too much to hope for?

I'd also like to bring my short story "The Jesus Letters" to film. It's about a boy who writes letters to Jesus and Jesus writes back. Oh and the end of the world is neigh plus there are zoo animals on the loose, and a fat kid named Billy. Look for it in 2015 when someone steals my idea.

5: What horror film "franchise" that others have embraced, left you cold?

I've sadly never been one to embrace franchises as a whole. But the one that I know I would hate is Friday the 13th. I never got into the original, hated the remake and detest Jason as a killer. Borrrring.

6: Is Michael Bay the Antichrist?

No. Mady Gosselin is the Antichrist.

7: Dracula, The Wolf Man, The Frankenstein Monster - which one of these classic villains scares you, and why?

Well Frank and the Wolfman are just sadly misunderstood. I could be chums with them no problem and it's easy to avoid conflict with Wolfie because you just don't hang out on the Full Moon. It's easy, it's the same reason I still have friends today. So I guess I would pick Dracula, I always fear a man who can charm AND kill me.

8: Tell me about a scene from a NON HORROR Film that scares the crap out of you:

There's a tie between two scenes in the same movie. The Large Marge scene from

Pee Wee's Big Adventure and the clown nightmare scene. Both scenes that had me inexplicably go into the kitchen to find a snack.

9: Baby Jane Hudson invites you over to her house for lunch. What do you bring?

Rat cooked with a little white wine sauce and some garlic, over linguine. Oh what the hey, I say turn it into some Rat Scampi, you can never go wrong with a nice white wine and garlic sauce. And butter. Lots of butter.

10: So, between you and me, do you have any ulterior motives for blogging? Come, on you can tell me, it will be our little secret, I won't tell a soul.

Yes. Blogging has always in some respect been used as a tool to get my writing out there. In case you haven't noticed becoming a writer is one of the toughest careers in the world. Someone once told me it's harder to become a published writer than it is to become an actor. If that's true, fuuuuck that. Not that I need to become a published writer, but to be able to do something you enjoy as a career is enough satisfaction for me.

11: What would you have brought to Rosemary Woodhouse's baby shower?

The woman needs a decent meal that does not include weird satan's baby vitamins. I'd get her a gift certificate to nice 5-star restaurant and then slip her the papers to divorce Guy Woodhouse....he's not good for anyone.

12: Godzilla vs The Cloverfield Monster, who wins?

Godzilla is the best thing that ever happened to this world and don't you forget it.

13: If you found out that Rob Zombie was reading your blog, what would you post in hopes that he read it?

Hmm....I don't know I probably wouldn't post anything out of the ordinary. I don't like Rob Zombie as a film director or a musician, and I don't know him as a person so how can I really relate? I'd just blog about things I know he likes so that he would like me because that's the only true way to make friends.

14: What is your favorite NON HORROR FILM, and why?

Oh shoot I don't know. I've always been extremely partial to To Kill a Mockingbird. It always makes me cry when Boo Radley is behind the door and Scout goes, "Well hey Boo!" and then those violins start up and forget it. And when Atticus loses the court case and the Minister or the Reverend or whatever they call themselves says, "Ms. Jean Louise stand up! --Your father's passin'...'" AHHHH I'm crying right now see!?

15: If blogging technology did not exist, what would you be doing?

To be honest, I'd probably be in a pretty depressing place. Being able to write everyday and to have people read it and tell you that they enjoy reading it, is the motivation that keeps me on track to someday do what I dream. So I'd imagine without it, it would just be me, and my cat watching TV and picking out new bed sheets from the Macy's catalogue.

Friday, July 23, 2010

A few weeks ago Stacie Ponder asked me a very interesting question. It went something like this: Andre, why the crap haven't you done the Final Girl Film Club yet? Ok well she didn't say the crap I don't think, but I know she wanted to. The truth was I couldn't really give a decent answer except for that I was just really lazy. So in order to avoid more crapping craps, I've decided to roll out of bed and do my first ever Film Club post.

Now, I watched and reviewed The House of the Devil back in November. But that was when I was less talented and better looking. And plus I much prefer a new and refreshing view on things as opposed to simply sending Stacie a link to my old review (plus that's not really the best way to get over being lazy). So I've decided to revisit The House of the Devil thanks in large part to The House of the Devil DVD I won at All Things Horror's screening in February (it helps if you know the people putting on the screening) (just kidding I answered a question correctly to win it!) (I CAN'T HELP IT IF PEOPLE DON'T KNOW THEIR HORROR TRIVIA!)

I always get worried that when I really, really like a film it won't be as good after a second viewing. Rest assured though, it turns out that I gained an even better appreciation after the second viewing and noticed a bunch of things that I didn't before. For instance, I didn't notice last time that I was a complete moron. Seriously, someone must have roofied my water when I wasn't looking because I totally thought that Sam's roommate and her friend were the same person! I know. Ridiculous. Also I didn't notice THIS "Lost Cat" poster next to the Babysitter needed sign....

Genius.

And I sure as hell didn't notice how DEMONIC this sink faucet was.

Ok that one I just made up, but it does kind of look like the Devil would have that for his sink right? I mean it IS his house after all so I'd assume he would have a hand in decorating.

Anywho. As you've probably figured out by now The House of the Devil is not for everyone. It is as what many would call it, a "slow burner". That means that it's boring for people who gage interest and entertainment by cup size and body count. In the time that most people felt bored, I felt increasingly anxious. The beauty of a slow burn type of film like this, is that it forces you to create tension in your own unique way. There are gaps in places where jump scares and loud and alarming music would be. It is because of those gaps that we start to feel more and more anxious as the film progresses. It's almost a delayed sort of fear. A great example and sort of metaphor for this is after Sam makes the telephone call from the pay phone, hangs it up and then walks away. Since the camera is focused so diligently on the phone we expect it to ring.

But a few seconds go by, a brief amount of time has passed and still no ring. We start to close the door on the whole pay phone ringing scenario and expect the scene to fade out when...RING! The phone does end up ringing.

The same can be said for how the absence of any real sort of straight faced fear creates tension by default. We expect it to be there and when it is not we feel like something is wrong. But that is in fact how The House of the Devil ends up creating tension. It's practically like reverse psychology. Then there is of course the simple method of giving us the title House of the Devil and having Sam be in a house....presumably of the "devil". Therefore we know that she is doomed and staying with her until she really starts to understand that fact is pretty terrifying.

All of this and more is how The House of the Devil works for me. Of course it's not like that for everyone and I respect that.

I do not however think it is a perfect movie and I was glad to see that my same dislikes returned during the second showing and surprisingly a new one that I had previously liked. I'm speaking of the ending and the reveal of the grandmother.

On my first viewing I said something like "Wow. I don't think I've ever seen a scarier face" and on this more recent viewing I thought, "Wow. That is kind of a lame looking face". The more I thought about it the more I realized that I hated how supernatural and sunken in her face looked. Why was she basically a walking corpse who was only missing the presence of a few maggots here and there? And P.S. she looks like a carved potato. She took away from the understated yet creepy vibe that Tom Noonan and Mary Woronov created. Sure it may have been scary when splashed across the screen in bursts of strobe light and started spitting blood, but what isn't?

And I hate to say it but I continue to be bothered by Sam's lack of consideration for the house and the mere presence of the mother. She just waltzes all over that house, doing loud things and opening up whatever door strikes her fancy. What a nosy biotch.

Also, I'm happy to report that the hair in the bathtub scene is still one of the creepier things I've seen in the past year.

In fact, I'm actually kind of sad I left it out of my Top 10 Willies list. There's just something about that hair, and its thickness and the later scene of the mother pulling off her wig that just gets me.

I also love the reveal of the dead family in the upstairs room. Since I was such a moron last time I don't think I made as a deep a connection to this fact. Seeing Sam uncover that picture in the closet and then thinking back to when she went into that little boy's bedroom is really one of the more chilling aspects of the film. I guess I never realized how untouched the room had been nor had I bothered to question why there was a child's room in what appeared to be current use. Oh I'm just so silly! But yes. Thinking about what happened to that family,

and more importantly that little boy and the fact that there were still toys out, is horrifying!

Sure it's not perfect, and by its end things start getting really out of control and hokey, but the fact remains that I am still immensely pleased with it overall. Horror fans will of course love the 80s vibe but I myself will always love that poster of the guy with the cat. Yes!

Well, I don't know where you were last night but chances are you missed the biggest party of the summer. Naked girls, lots of alcohol and Puff Daddy really made the night a magical experience. That's right. The world came out to celebrate this blog's very first birthday.

It's hard to believe it's been a whole year already. It seems like only yesterday I was sitting around with no pants on and ruminating the inevitable burden of unemployment and a really really hot summer. On this day last year I decided to get up and do something, so I got up and I sat on the couch and started this blog. This VERY SAME blog. A year later and things have gotten good. Like, really, really good. For starters I decided to wear pants again. After that, I got a job! And before long The Horror Digest began to take off and make its imprint on the horror blogging community.

Along the way I've come to know a lot of truly great people that I am lucky enough to call my friends. And so I dedicate this year to you, my horror blogging buddies and my devoted readers. Without you The Horror Digest may never have seen its first birthday. Without you, it may have died....and even though none of you came to this rocking party that was thrown (I only sent the invitations out 6 months ago guys!) you can pretend that you did just by looking at these awesome photos that were taken by the Paparazzi.

Things got crazy almot immediately when I tried to kill my sister's cat for not being photogenic enough on the red carpet.

Thanks to a surprise last minute gift by Ace of Cakes, this lovely creation was dropped off seconds before the party began. Look for me on the next episode!

Time to sing happy birthday to the birthday boy. Don't worry about that lopsided number 1 candle it was deliberate...

1 year old and already blowing his own candle out.

Hooray! Yeah I was pretty trashed at this point obviously.

Just kidding. I would NEVER be drunk for my blog's first birthday. That's just bad taste.

Well I guess that was it...Yeah you're right I completely lied to you. You got me! Puffy Daddy was not there and neither was the Paparazzi.

What really happened was this: I paid Emmy Doomas 5 dollars to take some nice little photos of me and my blog on his big day. I made the cupcakes by myself (hard to tell I know) and then I ate all of them. No one got drunk and no was even there. It was just me being lame.

But on a serious note I did happen to make this really awesome Suspiria cupcake.

It may possibly be the best thing I've ever made in my life EVER. I also ate it shortly afterwards.

But seriously folks, thanks again for being friends and readers of The Horror Digest. Here's to another year of wearing pants!