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'Survivor' recap: All about Boo Boo the Fool and What's-Her-Face

December 2, 2010 | 9:54
am

It’s a game, people. First and foremost, “Survivor” is a game. Keep repeating that to yourselves. Breathe.

Don’t understand why I’m trying to calm people down? Then you’re the reason bloggers like me pad the introductions to their blogs. But seriously, though, the pop cultural aftershocks of last night’s episode were seen everywhere online soon after it aired -– just like other top TV shows this week. So I guess it’s cool to see what many are dubbing the “lamest” season is now watercooler conversation.

And really, everyone who's so angry about the latest developments shouldn’t be. What could’ve been nothing more than a sad "Gulliver’s Travels" promo episode became a part of “Survivor” history.

There was quite a long recap to remind us how “hard” it’s been for people to take the elements when living in a rain forest, and I dare say we saw more Kelly Purple in it than in all the previous episodes. Then we see her confused after Brenda was voted out at the last tribal council, and NaOnka and Chase saying they need to blindside Sash next.

Well, forget all that, because it’s raining again. Na, who was something of a bully with regards to Kelly B.’s artificial leg, is now complaining of being anemic and saying that her joints hurt. And Kelly, who wasn’t a blip on anyone’s radar, has apparently wanted to go home since Day One. Both women are so done that their allies are already preparing for when they leave, it's that serious. Na even gives her immunity idol to Chase (guess that faith in Brenda did lead to something beneficial for him), saying, “You my boy … turn your swag on.” Wasn’t Na ready to vote him out just yesterday? Wait, why am I trying to make sense of the woman now?

Given all the business being handled at camp, it’s humorous to see Jeff Probst going on and on about the castaways showing a lot of spirit and “pulling from within” during a reward challenge. All for a screening of Jack Black’s upcoming "Gulliver’s Travels" with hot dogs, nachos and unlimited candy. But even after Na gave a lot of fight to win the challenge with her team, she raises her hand and says she’s quitting. Then Probst jokingly (eh?) asks if anyone else wants to quit, and Kelly says she does. She and Na seem to have reached these decisions after as much thoughtful consideration as they can achieve, but Probst isn’t happy. He wants them to really think about how far they’ve come, with just 11 days left in the game, before they convene for a special tribal council that night.

But first, a twist! Probst offers a new tarp for the tribe’s fire-ravaged camp and enough rice to sustain them the rest of the way if someone from the winning team gives up their reward. Now notice that Jeff only named Chase, Benry, Holly and Na at this moment. Dan (oh, Dan) sat on the sidelines for the competition (in an adorably too-big-for-him chair) but won by backing the winning team. I’m wondering if Dan wasn’t able to give up his spot, because he should’ve jumped at the chance.

Out of the actual winners, though, it would’ve been congenial had the girl who’s amped and ready to leave the game gone without comfort for a few more hours, but c’mon. Congenial may be Na’s middle name, but she’s still NaOnka first and foremost. So leave it to Mrs. Cleaver Holly to step up and take one for the team, but unlike after the food stealing, she gives Na quite the stank face. And what does Na say? “Thanks, Mom.”

But Holly’s not done. She then takes Kelly to look for firewood back at camp and gives her all the motherly, inspirational and motivational advice she can. Again, though, the girls appear set. If they had bags to pack, they’d have already checked them at the gate. I mean, if the life lessons in "Gulliver’s Travels" (In theaters soon! CBS cares.) couldn’t persuade Na, what will?

Tribal council assembled, the jury learned of the situation, and while Marty and Brenda are surprised and shaking their heads, Alina’s gone to a dark place. Wouldn’t you if you’d sat there and heard Na say she knows she could win this game but doesn’t care anymore? Then, when Na and Kelly finally, officially quit, they have the gall to want the torches traditionally smuffed snuffed. Alina’s in tears.

But here’s the real deal, amigos. This is a reality television competition. If anyone has even the slightest reason to be upset, it’s the jury members who would love to still be in it — and that’s it. Not you. Na and Kelly had the right to leave. As Low Resolution’s Joe Reid tweeted: “Look, the people who quit ‘Survivor’ sucked. But we can maybe stop thinking of quitting a reality show as a moral outrage, right?” I for one think the game’s brand new now. And let’s not forget about that “Fabio immunity teaser” — was that old footage, or something still to come?

Of course, with two players quitting, there was no vote. But if you haven’t already, now’s the perfect time to start watching the show’s “Life on the Ponderosa” videos (one of the newest clips is above) as Na and Kelly move back into a life of comfort with their fellow jury members. Luego, amigos.