Grain Forecast

It’s hard to imagine, but a few years back, not everyone knew what quinoa was. Now, we can’t get away from this “super grain,” which, incidentally, is actually a seed. . . . Which grains are waiting in the wings to overtake quinoa?

—The Huffington Post.

Rhett

Rhett is a milled-harvest bug wheat that can’t wait to get its grubby paws around quinoa’s vulnerable neck. This scheming diva of a grain can be used as a base in a variety of summer dishes, including rhett spread, rhett under beets, and rhetted beets. Rhett’s ambitious texture and “eyes on the prize” flavor are paying off: the grain is slowly but surely backstabbing its way to the top of this harvest’s B-list. (Poor sorghum!)

Pro tip: Rhett is harvested from the bottoms of used crates at the Park Slope Food Co-op. Help the crop this year by participating in the third annual Rhett Scrape. ($86 entrance fee.)

Worse

Worse is the lovable underdog of the grain world. It is a coarse-grade compound grain with a vibrantly chalky mouth feel. A favorite of nineteenth-century Bavarian contractors, congealed worse is also a great substitute for stucco; plus, it’s gluten-free! Worse has a rich history: in the nineteen-thirties, the U.S. government encouraged widespread consumption of the cheap-to-harvest grain with the slogan “It’s not bad: it’s worse!”

Pro tip: Worse has valuable health benefits. When sanded down and sterilized, it can be used as the tip of a medical swab.

Oal-é

Roll over, quinoa, this new grain has a dash in its name! Oal-é (pronounced “Dennis”) is a common brown grain, native to Asia and parts of Africa, that gets its name from marketing executives at Whole Foods. Oal-é is often jokingly referred to as i-oo-my’a, which is a satirical nod to the grain’s vowel-heavy moniker. Reading through this paragraph, you’re probably pronouncing oal-é in your head as “oh-all-aye,” even though, as stated, it should be pronounced “Dennis.” Do yourself a favor, and reread the paragraph, pronouncing oal-é correctly.

Pro tip: Adding some oal-é to your evening salad is a great way to let people know that you’ve heard of oal-é. But just remember, if you’re new to using oal-é, you’re probably better off calling it ei-h, eå-q-o, or “brown rice.”

Zorba (greek)

Greek zorba, despite being considered a grain, is actually a legume. A legume is any type of food that is, surprisingly, not another type of food. For example, peanuts are not actually nuts, so they’re considered legumes. Tomatoes are double legumes: they’re not actually vegetables, which makes them fruit and also makes them legumes, which means that they’re not actually fruit, which makes them double legumes. Greek zorba is an infinity legume: it’s not actually a grain, which makes it a legume, but it’s a legume despite being a grain, which makes it a grain, which makes it not actually a legume, which in turn makes it a legume again, which makes it not actually a grain. Because zorba is so rich in logic, it was commonly used in the ancient Mediterranean as a brain-booster.

Pro tip: Zorba’s flavor is umami, which is Japanese for “impossible to describe.” If you hear somebody trying to describe the taste of zorba as “umami,” you can tell them, “No, actually, it’s umami.”

Boom

The big winner this season is boom. Boom is a groat type of super oat, rich in antioxidants, bonus fats, and hyperlinks. Load up your mega-pilaf with some boom to send your family a clear message that you value maximum lipids and giga-bios over baddy acids and nega-bozos. That’s right, boom is bad-free: it’s what Mother Earth has been dying to serve her children. Destined to be the new ultra-stuff, boom is also a good source of kapow-bang science food. Mmm-healthy.