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Notes To Self III: A Lucid Moment

I’m having a lucid moment and I’m grateful. I can’t remember the last time really. What did it is a comment from Maria in my previous post. I realized I’m being frantic and out of control. I have to calm down and snap out of it.

My doctors (yes, now with an -s) advise me to cut on the stress if I want to get better anyway but with how I’m behaving, I might as well start buying more medication. Seriously, I must cut the crap. I don’t know how or if I can but I recognize the need. This doesn’t get me back on my feet but it’s a start.

Right now, I’m feeling decent, not great, far from happy, but at least there is a quiet in my mind that I barely recognize, if I may add. I don’t want to put my hopes up but if this is a calm that precedes sound decisions, that’ll be phenomenal. I need a break from myself tbh. I wish sleep can cure it but my dreams are far worse than my over thinking, it’s insane.

So taking advantage of this momentary cease fire, here are some stuff I wish I’ll remember:

NOTES TO SELF III

1. Giving up is easy; being robbed of the opportunity for the alternative is hard.

2. No way will you see clearly if you are agitated. Calm down and remind yourself it is not the end of the world.

3. People asking you to talk is crap. They don’t want to listen to you but only to tell you what they think is right and more important, how you are wrong.

4. Whatever your burden, remember there are far worse things happening to other people. Your suffering is insignificant; maybe when you get cancer.

5. Just because you took a chance doesn’t mean life owes you a success story. Just because you failed doesn’t mean you can’t make it right again some other time.

6. All the positive things you have doesn’t make you pure – they make you naive.

7. Learn to put yourself first because everyone else does. Yes, they are selfish but it doesn’t hurt to look after yourself too and not allow a stampede of ostriches hit you every damn time.

8. Making the hard decision doesn’t make you right.

9. Don’t rush.

10. Novels with tragic endings have a certain charm but when it happens in real life you’ll shit bricks. Truth is, 9 out 10 people want happy endings. The 10th lied.

Notes to Self I and Notes to Self II are here. Also, I thank you for putting up with me and going through all my recent rants. If I don’t die we may resume to the normal programming sometime in this century but seriously, thank you.