If I Had A Million Dollars

It is the deep thoughts of a person if they had a million dollars on a serious note. It also shows how complicated it would be to choose wisely, and unselfish with it...

Submitted:Apr 30, 2012
Reads: 172
Comments: 3
Likes: 1

If it were my money I would go and buy a huge stuffed animal to
put among the pillows on my bed. Then I would save the right
amount of it to pay off my college expences, so I wouldn't have
to worry so much over it. My mother would never have to worry
about her debt ifI just paid that off also. I'd share little
amounts with friends, a little bigger amounts to family friends,
and fare amounts to my family. The rest would go to people in
need, and yes, I know that might sound cliche but it only sounds
that way because every one knows it is the best thing to do. You
know, thinking about all the possibilities makes me feel this
selfless happiness of just being content with my plans if I had
such money. Such money doesn't really excist for most, and if it
does I wonder why everyone puts their hand out for gold but comes
back with copper.

It could not matter so much if people didn't make it seem like it
was worth so much. We only want money because it supposedly
provides our every desire such as: happiness, safety/closure,
education, fancy clean-cut things, a lover, no more lonliness,and
a high status. It can only bring truehappiness if you do what you
feel is right with it, and not want anything in return. You can
do that already in simple gestures. I think the more simple, the
more it will have a deeper meaning. Not saying cash and fancy,
expensive things can't mean just that, but if it comes from your
heart then it is all the same. So why do people want more money,
and have such wishful thinking? It is because we are taught that
you can get no where with outsome money or valued reputation.

This is where we go blind. This is the part where we find that
getting the things you trully desire turns to be like looking for
a single strand of blondehair in ahay sack. We were all born into
the world the same way, and that way was called ground zero where
everyone has nothing to hide. To say I am worthless, not
beautiful, don't deserve love or happiness is stupid. Your
stupidity is humanity, and your hunamity is beautiful which is
why, yet again, you are ...stupid. Can you not see? Nothing has
worth because nothing has a soul unless it is breathing, feeling,
thinking to some extent. So if I had a million dollars I would
want to do the things I mentioned before, but I dont know if I
could. I would have to it with a selfless love, and trust me that
would be so, so, so hard. Because when your asked the question :
Are you doing this from the bottom of your heart and you feel
that this is the right thing to do with the money, the paper in
your posession, the meaningless thing that everyone wants and has
convinced themselves of needing?

Then the vivid picture of starving children come to mind. The
painful picture of sick people in need of some cure that has been
promised to come....eventually...if given a dollar a day. You
think of the homeless men and women that lounge on a dirty
corner, and how they seem to have found true happiness when they
are saturated in their drugs and not asking for your paycheck.
Can you drive home and glance at that stripper bar full of
cocaine whores selling their boney capsules, when really they use
to be women in need of some extra cash becausethey use to say
'I'm gonna make something of my life.' There is that money
again...that thought ofIF you had money....

Imagine what would happen ifI tried to change the thought.
Perhaps, changing it to something of a more comforting substance
like love...sweet passionate love. The love of when you hold her
in your arms as she sleeps and dreams of you...no one but you. Or
your pet, cat or dog, it doesn't matter, cuddled up in your lap
as you flip through the channels of a cheap, affordable cable
service that provides you the basics which was all that you
really needed. Your apartment seems a bit spacious yet it suites
you, because it represents you and makes you feel that
closure...that protection that your mother had given you. The
warmth of her body as she held you when you were in your
beginning stages of living. Then you think about how warm your
mother's bossom was, and look at that, your mind goes back to the
stripper bar. A image of a sick woman in a wheel chair, a child
has a hand stretched out to you because she is scared, a babies
cry...moaning from up stairs...a sqweaking ...a light flickering.

God, it terrifies me, andI don't know what it isI'm so scared of.
If it were my money I would have a heart attack. I would be so
clueless at first of what to do, but then I would do whatI said I
would do. It would be the smart chioce to take, not only for me
but for my family, and my friends. And I said if there was any
left over I would give it to some cause where it could be used
for something good, but if I chose to use ALL the money for some
cause, for something good, then it surely would make a bigger
dent of difference. Sad thing is, I would be just as happy if I
bought a huge stuffed animal that was a bit more cheaper. Then,
that night, I would wrap my hands around it and nuzzle my
entirety against it until I fell asleep. It would comfort me,
since it is usaully before I go to bed that these thoughts plague
me without end. Things like this unravel into unlimited questions
that I am fighting my demons to know the answers to. If only I
had some money for some sleeping pills...