Last week in hindsight

And, as the title suggests, I’ve never actually written a blog before.

I’ve thought about it, toyed around with the idea more than once, but it never came to fruition. I always put it off because of any one of a multitude of reasons; too tired, too busy, what would I even write about? But for the last year some of my closest friends and family have been urging me back to the idea. I’m not sure why they like the idea so much, but I’m willing to give it a try. Then, after a while of almost putting it off again– I had a really bad day.

For those of you who don’t know (which is everyone, I realize), one of the awesome, fun things I deal with on a daily basis is the ever-consistent presence of depression and anxiety, the likes of which I like to ignore and pretend isn’t a part of me. Usually I’m pretty successful at that act, as a matter of fact, so much so that almost no one in my entire life knows it’s happening. Or that it’s been happening for a very long time. Even my closest friend, my mother, my sister, they know that I struggle with these things, but none of them quite understand to what depth. I am very good at keeping people at arm’s length, often without even trying. Often while trying to do the opposite, to be honest. I’m sure a lot of you can relate.

But back to the point of this.

I had a bad day. A bad year actually, a very hard one. And I realized that part of what made me feel so alone, and so isolated, was simply that almost no one else in the world even knew anything I was thinking about, even the innane and insignificant things. So, I thought, maybe my friends and family were right; I should start a blog.

Who knows how this’ll go, but if I’m ever going to make a place for myself to think outloud, it might as well be here, with total strangers, on a site that currently zero people know about.