Think you work in Hell? This is the unbelievable, but true, story of the Crazy Screaming Bitch (CSB), and all those who interact with her at the Lazy K, a family owned motorcycle dealership.
Names have been changed to protect the innocent, facts have been altered and/or distorted, things have been made up and timelines have been shortened for dramatic effect. But other than that, It's all true.

Is that you , Mr. Dumbass?

For some reason, probably because we sell Polaris products, we get a lot of calls from hillbillies three states over who hope we can beat the local dealer's price, which they've already beaten down to about cost, by enough to justify spending the time and money coming to see us. Sometimes they will do this to save $50, because to these yokels, it's the principal of the thing.

But of course, before they come and see us, they call us fifteen times, pestering us with the most inane questions you can think of, making sure the deal really is what we say it is, especially when we occasionally tell them a price about $500 under cost, just to fuck with them on a slow day.

One of these particularly pesky morons kept calling Mondo one fine autumn morning, to see if he should drive 400 miles to buy a Polaris 800. The first time he called, Mondo gave him a price that was right about invoice. The next time he called, saying he had that price beat, but refusing to say by how much, Mondo quoted him a price that was $1000 under dealer cost, and asked him if he wanted the Dale Earnhardt Edition. This is the ATV one of our technicians drove into a wall back in service and we're trying to figure out how to sell it as new without disclosing the damage.

About an hour and a half later, after he'd called every Polaris dealer in four states and been told the deal was not real, this cheapskate calls and wants to go over the entire deal, make sure we were talking about the same model, there were no hidden charges, and see if we could go even lower.

By this time, Mondo was sick of dealing with the idiot, so he put him on hold for a long time, picked up the phone and said, "Still there, Mr. Dumbass?"

"Yep, right here, now are you sure we're talking about the 800 Limited edition?"

Can't tell the players without a program?

The CSB -daughter of the owner of the Lazy K. our Boss.The FSB - sister of the CSB. Fat and Sneaky, shares her crazy belief system with all who will listen and many of those who won'tOld Crusty - Owner of the Lazy K and four sister stores.The GOB, formerly the Old Battleax- Greedy Old Bitch, Wife of Old Crusty. The genius who makes all the big decisions. Has Bozo the Clown hair and several small dogs.Fearless Leader- Ex-con, missing several teeth. Former store manager brought it to maintain order while the CSB went on her 4th 28 day vacation. Wishes he could have beat down the employees when they got out of order. Still trying to come back to work at the Lazy K.The Rhino -illegal immigrant office manager, as big as a Rhinothe Buddha - Finance manager.Star - Former salesperson, then parts manager, now sales manager. Sex with the CSB may play a part in his rise to power.Tits Ahoy - current receptionist. big tits and matching ass.Ellie May - Chunky late 40's former receptionist with a penchant for tank tops and short shorts.The Manatee- young fat beast who answers the phones at night, glares at people and does crossword puzzles.Shaggy - former parts manager, now wanted for theft.Baby Hitler - Parts manager, service manager, parts managerDaffy - service writerFamous Nobody - Drag racer nobody has heard of. Can't get a job anywhere else.Sales DepartmentFriar Tuck - Miserable Fat Man.Mondo - Seasonal employee who has no scruples. Wanted in six states.Beans - Lesbian sales person who enjoys burping and farting.Ol' Wigger - It just ain't cool to talk, walk or dress like that when you're 38.Paco - peppy little fellow that wants to make the workplace a happy place. Either incredibly stupid or has a high tolerance for pain and frustration.The Tour Guide - Paco's Amigo. General all around nice guy who gives guided tours of all the bikes and ATVs. Doesn't sell any.The New Guy - he'll be gone before you know it.Supporting CastMr. Moose - The Rhino's giant hillbilly lesbian companion.Psycho Jedi - Tits Ahoy's boyfriendThe Poodle - Toy Poodle. Has a shrine to him in the dealership. Nobody cares.Bandit - border collie. Can do tricks, but can't be housebroken.Generic Service Technician - we have a lot of turnoverThe CSBs love lifeTaco Dave - Met on AOL, 24 year old Mexican.Weavepole Dave - Met on Match.com. 54 and butt uglyFreddy Fife - Barney's taller and less attractive brother. Met on Myspace.Kerry the Salesman - Match.com.Tarot - balding freak with a moustache. Likes Denim shirts and denim trousers. Hangs around a lot.

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