50763: She made her husband angry – will that detract from the reward for her fast?

If I make my husband angry, does that detract from the reward for my fast?.

Published Date: 2004-10-26

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

The relationship between husband and wife should be based on
good and kind treatment, love and compassion.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And among His Signs is
this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find
repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in
that are indeed signs for a people who reflect”

[al-Room 30:21]

“and live with them honourably”

[al-Nisa’ 4:19]

“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as
regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as
regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable”

[al-Baqarah 2:228]

Based on this, each spouse should be keen to please the other
and not do anything that will cause anger or annoyance.

It was narrated that Imam Ahmad (may Allaah be pleased with
him) said: Umm Saalih [his wife] stayed with me for twenty years and she and
I did not argue at all.

Allaah has enjoined upon spouses everything that will create
and strengthen love between them, and He has forbidden to them everything
that goes against that.

If the two spouses understand this principle which governs
how they should interact with one another, then their life will be well
ordered and it will be as Allaah wants to it be, filled with tranquility,
love and compassion.

Each spouse is enjoined by Islam to do everything that will
create and strengthen love, and is forbidden to do whatever is contrary to
that. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade a
man to pray and fast a great deal if that will impact upon his wife’s
rights.

Al-Bukhaari (1153) narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr (may
Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said to me: “Have I not heard that you spend all night
in prayer and fast every day?” I said: “I do that.” He said: “But if you do
that, your eyes will become weak and you will become tired. But your body
has rights over you and your wife has rights over you. So fast and break
your fast, pray qiyaam and sleep.”

Secondly:

The person who fasts is commanded to behave well, and the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) enjoined the
fasting person not to respond in kind if someone wants to fight him or
insults him. Rather he should be patient and restrain himself, and say, “I
am fasting.”

Al-Bukhaari (1894) and Muslim (1151) narrated from Abu
Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Fasting is a shield, so
(the one who is fasting) should not utter obscenities or behave in an
ignorant manner. If someone wants to fight him or insults him, let him say,
‘I am fasting’ twice.”

Al-Nawawi said: “Rafth (translated here as obscenities) means
foolish and immoral speech. And ignorance is close to obscenity, and is
contrary to wisdom and what is right, whether that is words or deeds.

It should be noted that this prohibition on obscenity,
ignorance, arguing and insulting is not limited only to those who are
fasting, rather the prohibition applies to everyone, but is emphasized more
in the case of one who is fasting. And Allaah knows best.”

Al-Haakim narrated and classed as saheeh a report from Abu
Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him), who said: The Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Fasting is not only
(abstention) from food and drink, rather fasting is (abstention) from idle
and obscene talk. If someone insults you or treats you in an ignorant
manner, then say: ‘I am fasting, I am fasting.’” Classed as saheeh by
al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 5376. Idle talk is false talk, or it
was said that it means speech in which there is no benefit.

Al-Bukhaari (6057) narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be
pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: “Whoever does not give up false speech and acting upon it,
Allaah has no need of his giving up his food and drink.”

Al-Haafiz said:

This was understood to mean that these actions detract from
the fast.

Al-Subki al-Kabeer said: The fact that these things are
mentioned in this hadeeth draws attention to two things:

1-
That they are worse when done
during the fast than at other times

2-
That we should strive to ensure
that the fast is free of such things, and that if the fast is free of them,
this is a sign that the fast is more complete.

The strength of the words implies that these things are
regarded as abhorrent because of the fast, which implies that the fast is
more complete if it is free of such things. He said: If it is not free of
such things it is imperfect.

End quote from Fath al-Baari.

Thirdly:

The husband’s rights over his wife are great. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):

“but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them”

[al-Baqarah 2:228]

If the husband is angry
with her because she is refusing to share his bed, then her sin is even
worse, because of the report narrated by Ibn Khuzaymah in his Saheeh
from ‘Ata’ ibn Dinar al-Hudhali, according to which the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There are three
whose prayers will not be accepted and they will not ascend to heaven or
even go beyond their heads: … a woman whose husband calls her at night and
she refuses.” This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh
al-Targheeb wa’l-Tarheeb, 485.

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with
him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: “If a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and he
stays angry with her all night, the angels will curse her until morning.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3237; Muslim, 1436.

In the answer to question no.
50063, we explained that sin
detracts from the reward for fasting, and that sins may be so many that they
erase the reward for fasting altogether.

If one spouse falls short in his or her duties towards the
other, or makes him or her angry, that will be a cause of the fast being
imperfect.

This applies so long as the other spouse is not angry for no
reason, for some spouses get angry for no reason, and some get angry because
the wife is righteous, so his anger is unjustified. We ask Allaah to keep us
safe and sound.