Mama Sara

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Tuesday, May 14, 2013

I had the best Mother's Day Ever this year and probably the best yet. One of the bonuses of Miss H getting older is she can do stuff on her own a little and she is amazing at doing things for special days. Gets that for her mama!!! Being a single parent, holidays like Mother's Day don't really do much for me because it doesn't mean much when you gotta go buy your own gift and card and so on. What's the point, it's just another day where you gotta do everything....yay me right?? Well not this year. Sunday morning I kind of was slowly waking up because the sun was up but was wanting to refuse it was actually time to get up. Then I heard Miss H get up and she went right into the kitchen and I could hear her doing stuff in there. Figured she woke up hungry and was going to put some cartoons on or something. Next thing I know she's in my room and sets a plate on my stomach. I open my eyes and I see her and the best breakfast in bed I have ever had.

Doesn't get any better than that right there!!

Then I opened my gifts and I just cried. The poems that were included and the pictures she drew were amazing and just touched my heart in a way I didn't know a homemade gift could. Hearing Miss H tell me thank you for being her mommy when I'm just thankful God let me be her mommy. Just an amazing feeling and feeling my heart become so full with love and a joy and remembering why I do everything that I do is because of her.

Monday, May 13, 2013

This past weekend I had a chance Saturday morning to go for a run and I took advantage of it. It was cooler out in the mid 40s which made it take even longer for my lungs to adjust to running and my cold still didn't help. But I did it! My goal was to go out for 30 minutes and I did. Did I have to walk some? yup But who cares. I'd say I ran somewhere between 50-75% of the time.

I had to play mind games with myself. The runner inside me is still there but that doesn't mean this is easy. My legs get tired and I have to really push through it. Making goals of getting to the next mailbox, stop sign, next block and then I can stop. And I only allowed myself to stop a few seconds after I could tell I was warmed up. Did I hate having to stop? Yup. But I just kept telling myself that interval training is the best way to get in some great cardio and burn the most calories so who cares if I gotta walk. I did it! It felt great and I was glad to be out there doing it.

Here's some pictures from the weekend. I haven't taken any front/side view shots in a while but here they are. I'm still 7lbs higher than my lowest but I'm getting there!

I hate my front view...I am definitely a square/rectangle shape. Where the heck is my waist???

Side view and I'm not sucking in at all. Not bad if you ask me. Definitely some junk in the trunk there though! Don't I look gorgeous?! That's me literally right out of bed and just pulling my hair up in a pony tail mess.

Boom!

I didn't die....score!!!

And there you have good ole Ohio Hill Billy-ness for you. Now that's some funny shit!(get it!! hahahaha)

Friday, May 10, 2013

So last night didn't go how it was supposed to AT ALL. I got free tickets to a Dayton Dragons baseball game (local minor league) and was excited to take Miss H with me. Told her as soon as I picked her up from the sitter and she was excited too. Then she remembers that there is the art show at school....do a little search on the school website and it starts an hour before the game, no biggie we can do both! Pick up Panera for dinner (I'm OBSESSED with their roasted turkey avocado BLT) went home rush eating dinner, rushed changing and rushed out the door. Got to the school and it's packed already. Of course Miss H was excited to see her friends and I'm on a hunt to find her art work so we can get outta there. Snapping a few pictures too! Well I walked all around that darn school and could not find ONE THING done by Miss H. Then I started noticing.....there are 600 kids in this school and there is definitely NOT 600 pictures here. You have got to be kidding me. Miss H goes to ask her art teacher if any of her stuff is out there...and come to find out, Miss H's stuff is in the art hallway, which is blocked off. AWESOME!!!!!! So whatevs....we leave and it really looks like rain. Check the weather and yup...it's definitely going to rain, probably as soon as we get to our seats at the ball field. So we skip it, get some ice cream for Miss H and head home. Then the little voice in my head remembers my post from yesterday and about how I need to start getting outside again. I've got to make that a habit again and so we headed out. Miss H on her scooter and I only planned to walk, figured it would be too hard to run with my cold. We walk for about 20 minutes and Miss H has got to pee. Come on kid...work with me here!!! So we run back home real quick and she pees and I decide to throw on a sports bra and run. Surprisingly walking fast was too "easy" for me. My heart rate was up but not in a I'm going to get a good work out kind of up. I knew we didn't have much time before the rain came in and so I told Miss H we would run past the park to the stop sign and back, in total, probably around 1 mile-ish somewhere. And OH...M...GEEEE. It felt SO GOOD!!!!!!!!My lungs were burning and I was hacking up the whole time (real attractive) but my legs were there!! I could feel my old self inside me. I couldn't believe it. I seriously thought the runner inside me was a lot further away but she definitely isn't! My lungs aren't where they were but if I felt Ok with having a cold, I know if I can become more regular again with my running, they will come back fast!! Yes I had to walk some but I only let myself for a few seconds maybe a minute half way through but who cares!!! My legs felt amazing!! Best part of all...I was back at it with Miss H by my side and she talked to me the whole time on her scooter. Could I talk back to her...hahaha no! But I was listening to her and making facial expressions to what she was saying. It was back to our special time! We rushed back home and it started to rain on us and it felt so good!!! I felt strong and happy and in control again of my body. It felt so good!!! So last night may not have went the way it was supposed to but it definitely turned out better than I thought it would!!Have a great weekend!!!! I will definitely be getting in a few runs for sure!!

yes my hair is so long a pony tail is becoming a regular thing....but not after next week...it's getting chopped off!! So over long hair!!

Thursday, May 9, 2013

I'm still here, my motivation has been lost for I think 2 weeks now and I just can't remember where I put it. It's a problem. And then I got sick with a massive cold that is hanging on for dear life and I swear it's trying to kill me. And now it's settled on my voice, so let me tell you I got the whole sexy voice going on. If sexy sounds like a old man whose a smoker with a slight teenage boy feel to it....yup...I got the sexy voice going on. It is getting nice out and I need to get outside!!! There is no excuse for it anymore. Well that's not true....I know it's going to be hard. I know I can push through it but it's going to be hard. My lungs will hurt afterwards, I'm going to have to walk more than I want to but oh well!!! SUCK IT UP SARAH!!! <<<---- what she said!On the good news...I'm down 3lbs in the last week! My size 14s are fitting much better. Amazing what 3lbs can do. And I'm actually eating really good. So I may be a slacker in the running department but it's all smiles and rainbows in the eating department!!!Also good news...I signed Miss H up to be on the swim team this summer. Good for her because she's a fish in the water and I think she's going to love it. And BONUS for mom, there's an hour practice 3 days a week during the school year and 4 days a week during the summer. I seriously then have no excuse to not run on those days...and I will. I know I will!! It'll be in a part of town where I never get to run and I love running in areas where I have never been before. Sorry I'm being a slacker lately....but at least I'm down 3lbs right??? :)

Friday, April 26, 2013

Happy 20th Birthday Sarah! You are a freshman in college and have just completed your first year. You are slowly but surely coming out of your shell and becoming ok with who you are and soon you'll realize that people will actually love and enjoy being around the true Sarah. Enjoy it!

Happy 21st Birthday Sarah! I am slightly disappointed in how you celebrated your 21st birthday. You didn't get drunk!! No keg parties, no keg stands....just a few college friends, your BFF and dinner and your first legal beer at BW3s a block from college. Girl you need to lighten up! Stop worrying about what people think of you and BE YOU!!! You don't always have to be so mature and put together. It is ok to mess up and make mistakes!!! Eventually during this year you will be a guy who you think is amazing and can't believe that you may have actually met "the one". Girlfriend...you need to learn to stand up for yourself. NO MAN is ever worth putting yourself second before him. YOU are Worth GOLD Sarah!! Believe in yourself and have confidence in who you are, don't you let anyone put out the light that is inside your smile.

Happy 22nd Birthday Sarah!! Girlfriend you are in for a rough year, put your big girl panties on and get ready. You are going to become a mom in this next year. Yeah, that's big and it's going to scare you to death and you have no idea how you are going to do it but somehow that strength that you have inside of you starts to slowly show up because you handle a lot in this year. Being an unwed mom is not fun, the stares, the questions, being left out of college parties, your boyfriend doesn't take a ton of interest in how any of this effects you but he's trying. You will doubt your self worth more than anything during this next year and I am so sorry about this but I promise you will get through it. You will be called some horrible things but you'll be surprised by those that stand beside you and give you a hug and say it'll be ok. Don't let those that put you down put out the light inside you, fight for it every day because you have a little girl who will depend on that light! Yes you are having a girl, not a boy named Alex like you swore you would!

Happy 23rd Birthday Sarah!! This is another hard birthday. Reality just keeps hitting you in the face and you realize on this birthday you will give up a lot because you are a mom at such a young age. This is the night that you should be out bar-hopping with all your college friends getting crazy and celebrating your Senior Year at UD. Instead you sit and rock your baby girl as you cry about the road you see your life heading down. You've always grown up too fast and you are still doing that. It's ok to cry about this. It's hard I know, you now have diapers and feeding schedules and how to teach Miss H to eat cereal when your friends are going to happy hours and dates and living the life outside of college. This is another rough year for you but once again you make it through. You are strong and remember that!!! Stand up for yourself and when you can't, look at your baby girl. She WILL give you the strength that you need to leave her daddy and go down another path of being a young single parent. You will once again become embarrassed by certain events, but those events will make you stand up for yourself and cut ties with people that it should have happened a long time ago. These moments really open up that fire inside of you to fight for what is right and the future you know you can give your daughter. Just remember you WILL be ok!!

Happy 24th and 25th Birthday Sarah!! Girl I hate to tell you but these are going to be the years you practically have tears stained on your face every weekend. You move out on your own with Miss H and you promise yourself that you will not date anyone until you know you don't need a man to be happy. It takes you a long time, about a good year and a half until you know you are ready. Along this time you struggle with what else comes with being a single parent and that is visitation with the other parent and being separated from your baby girl and having to learn to let go of control and just pray that God will take care of her and keep her safe while she is away from you. However, you meet an amazing man this year, who will teach you a lot about respecting yourself and he will become a friend for life even after you guys decide it isn't going to work. Miss H will adore him forever and he will keep his promise of being a great example in her life.

Happy 26th Birthday Sarah!!! Congrats you have just been laid off from work after a long hard tax season. You once again cry yourself to sleep so many nights scared to death how you are going to make it. But fortunately, God really shows up this year and things start to look up. You find a new job where you are appreciated and you learn to enjoy the small things with your daughter again and stop resenting the hard times. You teach yourself what it means to dance in your bedroom singing with a hairbrush. Oh and by the way...you are becoming an awesome mom! You are so good at creating memories with Miss H and I promise she will remember them even when she is 7 years old. Your daughter is strong because you show her how to be. You fight for her and she may not realize it but just a few years down the road, she knows mom is on her team!

Happy 27th - 29th Birthday Sarah!!! You have really found Sarah inside. Strangers now get to see the real Sarah, not the shy quiet and reserved one. You are fooling no one anymore, they all know your giggle and appreciate your smile. Your opinion is looked upon from others and you have no idea why. But continue to fight for the real Sarah to shine! It will bring some amazing new friends into your life and those will be the friends that will be there for you no matter what. You have also become a true soccer mom! You coach soccer one year even though you have no idea what you are doing but you enjoy it! You are involved in Miss H's school and you know her teachers well and they know you. You will be shocked at some of the things that people say and do to you at times, but move on. It's not worth your time or energy...you are stronger and you know what is right in your heart...listen to that! Also....you'll be shocked to know this...but you become a runner in your 29th year!! Yes!!! It is so exciting and you can't believe what you can do!!! I told you that the light inside of you was stronger than you knew and your heart is stronger than it leads on. You also will have to make some tough decisions this year but you do it with grace and maturity. You have definitely learned that you are worth more than to settle for things in life You also experience becoming an Aunt not once but three times during these years. Those little boys have a huge part in your heart and you're amazed at how much you can love your sister's children. Please, remember this one thing and never forget it because you often don't give yourself any credit for it.....YOU are one AMAZING MOM!!!! You try harder than anyone and the stress you put on yourself is crazy but it pays off. How so??? You'll see it in Miss H...just wait and see, you'll know when you can tell that your hard work is starting to show through her.

Happy 30th Birthday Sarah!!Here we are about to turn 30 years old and we have accomplished a lot! Girl you have been through hell and back and sometimes back again. You have made a lot of mistakes along the way, you've had self doubt and had to fight through the consequences of that but we know there is light at the end of the tunnel. You have the best daughter anyone could ever ask for who makes your heart smile in ways you didn't know it could. Also, your best friend from 8th grade is still standing with you! She is definitely your sister from another mother. Let go of your 20s Sarah and move on to the 30s, you've made it this far and God only knows what they will bring but you KNOW you can handle it!!! Be yourself, love yourself enough to stand up for you, and pray constantly!!!!

Happy 30th Birthday to myself!!!!

I can't believe I'm here, but let's go!!!!

Life is about the journey with the little moments that shape who we become along the way and learning to enjoy every day we are blessed with and knowing that it's happened for a reason!

Thursday, April 11, 2013

In the past week I have basically had the same conversation with two of my friends, my BFF and my new friend Anita. Don't ask me why I keep calling her my new friend Anita...but I, for some reason, can't just call her Anita....she's my new friend Anita. Odd I know! She'll get used to it!

So anyways, the conversation we had was about how different our bodies are. We have all been trying to lose weight and I know for me it is absolutely weird, strange, unexplainable, and awesome all at the same time how my body has changed from years ago when I was skinnier...like 30-40lbs lighter from where I am today...and I'm wearing the same size I did then. Yeah, right now I'm in between a 14/16. The 14s are snug because I ate junk for 3 months and did no running at all but 16s are too loose but fit better than the 14s.

I honestly can't remember the last time I was a size 14 but I know it was back in college. And I was skinnier then! How nutso is that??

Does that even make sense???

That's how much different my body is now. That's how now I swear by exercise. Pushing our body hard and sweating regularly!

That's why I think just dieting itself isn't going to be enough, EVER. You gotta do them both at the same time.

Things have shifted and moved and toned etc....it's weird! I mean how is that possible that I can wear a 14 now and 4 or 5 years ago when I was the same weight...I couldn't wear a 14?!?

It's all because I started walking/running regularly. I do strength training now too. Which that in itself is pretty amazing. You wanna make running easier?? Strength train! This summer when I was doing the 30 Day Shred consistently and running here and there....one time at band camp...errr I mean one time while out on a run with Miss H while she was on her bike....for the first time EVER running felt EASY and it was because I had been working my legs and lifting weights. I couldn't believe it, it almost felt like I was in someone else's body because it surely couldn't be mine!

So I'm not really sure what the message or point even of this post is...but I guess it's to not think your body can't change significantly even if you weight doesn't as fast as you want it to. Heck give me 20 more lbs off and I'll be in a 12 for sure and THAT hasn't happened since my early college days/senior year of high school!

Plus don't compare yourself to someone else who you think is smaller....YOU might actually be in a smaller size then them but weigh more! It just goes to show it's not about your numbers...it's about how YOU FEEL!!!