I had a hippopotamus; I kept him in a shed
And fed him upon vitamins and vegetable bread.
I made him my companion on many cheery walks,
And had his portrait done by a celebrity in chalks.
His charming eccentricities were known on every side.
The creature's popularity was wonderfully wide.
He frolicked with the Rector in a dozen friendly tussles,
Who could not but remark on his hippopotamuscles.
If he should be affected by depression or the dumps
By hippopotameasles or hippopotamumps
I never knew a particle of peace 'till it was plain
He was hippopotamasticating properly again.
I had a hippopotamus, I loved him as a friend
But beautiful relationships are bound to end.
Time takes, alas! our joys from us and robs us of our blisses.
My hippopotamus turned out to be a hippopotamissus.
My housekeeper regarded him with jaundice in her eye.
She did not want a colony of hippopotami.
She borrowed a machine gun from her soldier-nephew, Percy
And showed my hippopotamus no hippopotamercy.
My house now lacks the glamour that the charming creature gave.
The garage where I kept him is as silent as a grave.
No longer he displays among the motor-tires and spanners
His hippopotamastery of hippopotamanners.
No longer now he gambols in the orchard in the Spring;
No longer do I lead him through the village on a string;
No longer in the mornings does the neighborhood rejoice
To his hippopotamusically-modulated voice.
I had a hippopotamus, but nothing upon the earth
Is constant in its happiness or lasting in its mirth.
No life that's joyful can be strong enough to smother
My sorrow for what might have been a hippopotamother.

Many thanks to Prabhash Gokaran , who went through
our hippo theme [Poem #844 onwards] and wanted to know why the funniest one
of the lot was not included. Well, the simple answer is that at the time I
had never read it before - and, with a little prodding from Prabhash, I'm
delighted to finally add it to the collection.
Of course, one of the first things I was struck by was the similarity of the
opening lines to "The Diplomatic Platypus" [Poem #1028] by the same poet,
but apart from this and a similarity of metre, "Hippopotamus" is a different
sort of silliness from "Platypus". Indeed, it leans more towards the
"children's poem" end of the spectrum, with its plethora of hippopotamorped
words and delightfully contrived rhymes, and the sheer delicious
ruthlessness of
She borrowed a machine gun from her soldier-nephew, Percy
And showed my hippopotamus no hippopotamercy.
One thing that jarred slightly was the broken metre in the lines
Who could not but remark on his hippopotamuscles.
and
My hippopotamus turned out to be a hippopotamissus.
Could someone with a print copy confirm that these are indeed accurate?
martin
[Links]
The other poem this reminded me (tangentially) of was "I Had a Little Pony":
[broken link] http://www.amherst.edu/~rjyanco/literature/mothergoose/rhymes/ihadalittlepony.html
We've run one other poem of Barrington's, Poem #1028
And what is surely the motherlode of hippo poems on the net:
http://members.aol.com/HippoPage/hipppoem.htm

PS. Oh dear! I thought I had transcribed the Barrington poem withmeticulous care. However I find that my "corrections" introduced furthererrors. Some of them are fairly minor mistakes, e.g. punctuation. But anerror is an error, and should be corrected. So, with the benefit of acompetent proof-reader, I submit the following lines to replace the onessent earlier, as appropriate -- one line from each of the last five stanzasof the poem:

I first heard this poem in 1957, recited by a girl in my class in London. Ithought she wrote it and was VERY impressed. From that single reading Iremembered the first three lines and just looked them up on the web. I wassurprised to find that in fact she did not write it, and even more surprisedthat I had the lines right after nearly 50 years (I was only 6 at the time).

One thing that jarred slightly was the broken metre in the lineWho could not but remark on his hippopotamuscles.

There is no broken metre. The phrasing is wrong. It's supposed to go like this:

Who COULD not BUT reMARK upON his HIPpoPOtaMUScles.

And there are others.

If he should be affected by depression or the dumpsBy hippopotameasles or THE hippopotamumpsI never knew a particle of peace 'till it was plainHe was hippopotamasticating properly again.I had a hippopotamus, I loved him as a friendBut beautiful relationships are bound to HAVE AN end.Time takes, alas! our joys from us and robs us of our blisses.My HIPpopotamus turned OUT to be a HIPpopotaMISsus.

My father (Raymond Wilson), along with a colleague (James Gibson)anthologised this in the 1960s, in a four-part series called Rhyme andRhythm. The books were followed by a set of LP recordings, in which thiswas so memorably sung to the tune of "There'll always be an England"that to this day I remember it almost in its entirety. Among my otherfavourites from that collection was "Sir Smasham Uppe"([broken link] http://www.sirensongweb.com/pages-2006/mother-daughter-poetry.html).

The version below is (I think) correct.

John

I Had a Hippopotamus

I had a hippopotamus; I kept him in a shedAnd fed him upon vitamins and vegetable bread;I made him my companion on many cheery walksAnd had his portrait done by a celebrity in chalks.

His charming eccentricities were known on every side,The creature's popularity was wonderfully wide;He frolicked with the Rector in a dozen friendly tussles,Who could not but remark upon his hippopotamuscles.

If he should be afflicted by depression or the dumps,By hippopotameasles or the hippopotamumps,I never knew a particle of peace till it was plainHe was hippopotamasticating properly again.

I had a hippopotamus; I loved him as a friend;But beautiful relationships are bound to have an end.Time takes, alas! our joys from us and robs us of our blisses;My hippopotamus turned out a hippopotamissis.

My housekeeper regarded him with jaundice in her eye;She did not want a colony of hippopotami;She borrowed a machine-gun from her soldier-nephew, Percy,And showed my hippopotamus no hippopotamercy.

My house now lacks the glamour that the charming creature gave,The garage where I kept him is as silent as the grave;No longer he displays among the motor-tyres and spannersHis hippopotomastery of hippopotamanners.

No longer now he gambols in the orchard in the Spring;No longer do I lead him through the village on a string;No longer in the mornings does the neighbourhood rejoiceTo his hippopotamusically-modulated voice.

I had a hippopotamus; but nothing upon earthIs constant in its happiness or lasting in its mirth.No joy that life can give me can be strong enough to smotherMy sorrow for that might-have-been-a-hippopotamother.

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