Southampton (Pimple on England’s arse)

Southampton (Pimple on England’s arse)

Once described by a major national newspaper as being the “most romantic city in England”.
I dread to think what this journalist was smoking, or snorting when he/she wrote that, unless he/she was taking into account the horrendous number of pregnant Chavettes that plague the single person flats that litter the city, not that I consider that romantic. Also the large number of single mother Chavettes with their sproggs belted into a stolen or shoplifted pushchair from Shirley High Street.

Ahhhhh Shirley High Street

Once the scene of honest and decent trading has now, sadly, become the capital of vulgarity, chavyness and petty crime, more notably shoplifting. Filled with charity shops, pound shops and cheapshit clothes outlets. Walk down the high street on any week day and you’ll see groups of “old trout” Chavettes (middle aged Chavettes) with their teenage daughters/granddaughters scoping the local 1 pound shops for a quick shoplifting fix or looking snobbishly at people above them while quietly slating them behind their backs because, quite frankly, like most Chavs they don’t have the balls to do it out loud, unless it’s the local homeless men who simply aren’t in any fit state to fight back so therefore must deserve a verbal battering.

Continue down this cesspit of chavyness and you’re sure to meet small “crews” of Chavs skiving off the local s******e secondary school that is Millbrook Community (laughable) School, famous in Chavampton for its highest truancy rate. If, however, you’re very unlucky you may encounter one of the local larger lads, football hooligans or steroid freaks that inhabit the west side of this god forsaken city.
Fresh out of jail for assault and armed robbery and looking to inflicted pain and injury on some unsuspecting innocent. Basically that’s anyone who doesn’t look like they can fight back because that’s just how “ard” they really are.

No article on Southampton’s Chav population would be complete without a mention of the infamous Holybrook estate where even the local constabulary fear to go after dark and where all west side Chavs from neighbouring areas, Lordshill, Coxford, Shirley Warren, Aldermoor and Lordswood, go to learn to be better, more scummy, Chavs. It amuses me that primatologists spend years in rainforests looking for the missing link between man and ape when they only have to walk through Holybrook at night and watch the Chav element in its natural habitat, harassing the local OAPs and the disabled guy who can barely walk let alone stick up for himself.
Truly the missing link methinks.

Further south from Holybrook is the infamous Millbrook which, apparently, accounts for 30% of the entire crime rate in Hampshire. A total no go area after dark, at least not unless you’re armed to the teeth and have years of combat training or a very, very fast car.

I had the misfortune recently to be sat on a bus with a very large group of school Chavs and was subjected to having to listen to them counting the number of charity shops they could see on the route before realising they don’t even like charity shops and instead opting to swear at them quietly between themselves. This seems to be a common trait among Chavs and isn’t unique to Southampton but did make me, and most of the other passengers, laugh. I also remember being sat near a group of Shirley Warren Chavs with a mate and listening to them trying to count the Nat’s buzzing around their heads.
We both make a hasty retreat in fear of catching stupid dickheads disease. Shirley Warren Chavs seem particularly prone to this burst of stupidity, probably due to years of inbreeding and cross species mating.

I could go on but I’d only really be repeating what others have said in other posts. Suffice to say Southampton really is one city to avoid and a cesspit I’ve grown to hate.