The Story Of Us: Me: The Story of Us Trilogy, #2

Summary

Dizziness. Nausea. Chest pain.

Anyone would be excused for thinking I’m suffering a heart attack but, no. These are my usual symptoms when Ben Barker steps into my personal space. In most cases, they’re followed by shortness of breath, a racing heart, and euphoria, but not this time.

It’s been almost four years since Ben and I were face-to-face. In that time, I’ve fallen from grace in the most spectacular way and put myself back together. Alcohol, drugs, random hookups. You name it. I was Bella, Queen of the Universe. I danced all night, slept all day. I masked my emotions so nobody would ever see the dreadful hurt, the belief I’d been guilty of the worst crime ever. I fell further and further, deeper into a hole. I spiralled so far, I became the thing I believed I was.

I was unworthy of love.

Now Ben is here. In front of me. He’s looking at me like I’m his old Bella and no matter how much I want him, he can never know what I did try and wipe him from my memory.

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The Story Of Us - Lindy Dale

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Dale

1

Fml

Dizziness. Nausea. Chest pain.

Anyone would be excused for thinking I’m suffering a heart attack but, no. These are my usual symptoms when Ben Barker steps into my personal space. In most cases, they’re followed by shortness of breath, a racing heart, and euphoria, but not this time.

It’s been almost four years since Ben and I were face-to-face. Every minute we were apart I longed for him to come and save me, prayed that the connection we had would subliminally tell him how much I needed him because, let’s face it, I was too wounded to go to him. Most days I felt like I was in a riptide, breathless and choking for air. I felt I didn’t deserve Ben but I needed him so much. I couldn’t bare to be hurt again, and yet, I wanted him to pull me out of the vortex I’d thrown myself into, the black chasm of self-loathing and depression that had grown around my heart.

I wanted him to rescue me, to tell me that it didn’t matter what I’d done, that he wanted to be with me.

I wanted him to love me like he used to.

But he never came.

Ben got a life.

I told him to.

The pub is packed. Dex is looking like a chicken with its head cut off, and for all I know someone could have died in the corner. I see Ben. I lock eyes with him over the rim of my glass, and my mind begins to race full speed. I realise I’m gawking like a deranged person, but him being here is unexpected. Monumentally so.

I mean, what the hell? I never imagined I’d see him again.

Oh, who am I kidding? Of course, I imagined our reunion. The meeting didn’t involve me wearing a pink trench coat and a Dare t-shirt, though. It went something along the lines of me wearing nothing but some slinky underwear and him a smile. Our song would be playing over and over in the background, and the crap that passed between us when we were young and foolish would be swept away by the passion in Ben’s eyes.

I down my drink, determined not to let him see how shaken I am.

His eyes are so freaking blue.

Ben. Never expected you’d be the new housemate Dex told me about.

There. Cool and calm.

Heart mildly pounding out of chest.

I sound so cool I could be a statue in the Antarctic exhibition at Princes Wharf. I give myself a pat on the back and ignore the fact my knees are threatening to give way from under me because it’s happening again, that same feeling of falling. Every time Ben Barker is within a ten-metre radius of me I start to behave like that gawky sixteen-year-old who worried so much about what she was going to wear.

Ben is near me, and I am going to fall.

Dex told me his best friend was called Bella. I should’ve put two and two together. There can’t be that many beautiful, ballsy Bellas going around town.

You said that about me? I look to Dex.

I also warned him you have a nasty habit of flirting with unsuspecting men and leaving trails of broken hearts about the town.

Dex!

He waves me away. Sue me.

Ben looks me up and down. You haven’t changed a bit.

I hope I have. The old Bella looked prepubescent.

You’d pass for eighteen now. He chuckles. She always was funny, he comments to Dex.

In her dreams, Dex jokes back.

"Er, I am here, you two."

She’s a bit of an attention seeker, Dex adds.

Hey! I punch Dex in the side. Ignore him. The girl inside is completely different to the one you used to know, Ben.

I look forward to meeting her. Does she still surf like a demon and down green ginger wine? A lazy grin of knowing stretches across his face. My heart springs to attention, though I try to stop it. Clearly, I haven’t changed as much as I’d hoped. Damn.

Sometimes. Are you still afraid of heights?

Dex appears confused or possibly amused. So, you knew each other at school?

Ben nods.

And you—

—were lovers. I fix Dex with a glacial stare, and he sinks into his drink. He knows better than to question. Then turning, I smile and brace myself. So, Ben, drink?

Beer’s fine, thanks.

I put my empty glass on the bar and pull out a fifty-dollar note, waving it. I try to calm myself by not looking at him. Why on earth is he here? What is he doing back in my life? Everything was going so well without him. Now, I’m going to have to go into damage control again. Ben and I are not good in the same space. We mess with each other’s heads and hearts.

Nick sidles along the bar, his trademark grin lighting up the room. "Bella."

I bend across the timber divide between us and kiss his mouth fondly, my hand skimming his cheek in a caress. My nostrils flare at the crispness of his aftershave. Since the first night we met, it’s never changed. Another beer for Dex and one for Ben, please.

Nick reaches across the bar. Nick Edwards. Pleased to meet you.

Ben Barker.

The footballer?

Not anymore.

Nick winks at me again. "The same again for you too, tesora mia?"

Surprise me. It’s been that kind of day so far.

"You know I’d like nothing more." His finger slips over my knuckles, and with that wicked smile that could only ever be Nick, he leaves to make our drinks.

Why does he call you that? Ben asks.

When we first met, Nick had come back from two years in Europe. It means ‘my treasure’ in Italian. I guess it sort of stuck.

I know what the phrase means.

Then why did you ask? I smirk. I’m not the only one flustered by this meeting.

Ben ignores me. You know him well, then? You slept with him?

We’ve been friends for ages, isn’t that right, Nick?

"Sometimes more. Here you go." Nick puts our drinks on the bar in front of me. He gives me a look that I know will rile Ben up. Nick is supreme at playing the game. We look out for each other.

I pick up the drinks and pass one to Ben. Our fingers collide in the condensation caused by the chill of beer on glass, and Ben looks at our hands and then up at me. His eyes show a hint of jealousy, though I can see he’s trying to hide it. Ben can never hide his feelings from me. All I ever had to do was look into his eyes for the world to unfold.

We stare. The intensity of his gaze ignites a spark between us. Images of our shared history, our past love, form in my brain. Nights and days without him are forgotten.

The chemistry is still there.

2

Four Years Ago

Shit. Shit. Shit.

I come to a screeching halt in order to study my campus map for the sixtieth time—though what good that will do me I have no clue. I am about to have a nervous breakdown because I have no freaking idea in hell where I am, or where I am meant to be. At the rate I’m going, I’ll be late for my first tutorial. Not a good way to start the year or my university career. But then, that’s the story of my life so far.

Seriously.

I am a car crash waiting to happen.

Ben crashed into my life and screwed me over. He took my heart and smashed it against the wall, leaving me in more pieces than a jigsaw. He made a mockery of us by doing God knows what with that troll, Lucy.

Argh. I hate Ben.

We are so over. Like forever over. Finito.

I’m so glad he’s somewhere else and I am here, drowning in a sea of beige walls.

Okay, so I’m not exactly glad about the last part, but you get the idea.

Having located where I went wrong, I double back and sprint around a corner, narrowly avoiding the Caution: Wet Floor sign I’ve passed twice already. I’m still lost but I’m not ready to admit defeat. Not until the hour for the tutorial is over. In this new life I aim to create there is no room for failure or heartache. They are not an option. I am strong and resilient, the mistress of my destiny.

My eyes fixed on the door numbers and my mind still in full find-the-room mode, I’m not focussed on the narrow corridor ahead. I lurch bodily into a boy coming the other way. Our heads collide. Papers and books fly into the air and land in disarray over the floor.

Fuck! That’s him.

I rub my forehead and stare glumly at the pile at my feet. There’s no way I’ll avoid being late now. There’s stuff everywhere. My tampons have escaped their cute plastic case and are rolling along the corridor. My phone has slid along behind them. The lunch Mum wrapped in greaseproof paper, that I didn’t want to take because it’s embarrassing, is strewn between us. Grated carrot decorates his shoe.

You should watch where you’re going. I growl, bending to retrieve the contents of my bag.

The guy bends too. You could be a bit more careful yourself. It’s a hallway, not a grand prix track.

I gulp. He’s right. Sorry, I was in a hurry. I can’t find the tutorial I’m meant to be at, and I don’t want to look like a dick by slinking in late.

He looks me up and down. Newbie?

Am I that obvious?

You look lost and ridiculous with that enormous pile of books you’ve bought from the second-hand sale, so yeah. Bit of a giveaway. Nobody works during ‘O’ week. You meet tutors and drink. He reaches over and begins to stack my books for me. What’s with the extra reading anyway? You’ll never use these books.

They were on the required list.

He begins to laugh. You mean the required list for losers with no life. Nobody reads what’s on the list. You wait till the lecturer tells you what you need and buy it off the net or borrow from the library and photocopy. This lot must have cost a fortune. Save yourself some money and return them.

Oh. Okay.

Cue sharp learning curve.

What room were you looking for anyway? he asks, indicating my timetable.

Three fourteen, but it’s not where it should be. I must sound like a complete idiot. Rooms don’t usually get up and move of their own accord.

Nothing around here’s where it should be. Grab your things and I’ll lead the way, I know the room.

I follow him along the corridor and around the corner. His lanky legs move so quickly across the carpet I have to run to keep up. I’m Bella Fleming, I say to his back.

I’d say nice to meet you, but until I get the bill for my nose, I’m not sure whether it is. He turns to me over his shoulder. I’m Dex Fitzgerald. Are you in Professor Phillips workshop?

How did you know?

I saw your papers. My ex was in his class.

What’s he like?

He’s an arsehole apparently; everybody hates him. Make sure you’re prepared or he’ll knock you down to size like that. He snaps his fingers. Lizzie was always crying over him picking on her. She needed to toughen up.

We stop outside a grey door. Looking back down the hall, I wonder how I could have missed it in my first circuit. I’ve walked past it at least three times. Thanks for the advice. And I’m sorry about your nose. I hope it’s okay.

Dex grins. I’ll live. Listen, are you finished for the day after this?

Yeah. Why? Even though, according to Dex, I’ll be getting reading lists and drinking.

A few of us are catching up in the Uni bar. Why don’t you join, meet a few people? Our male bonding goes a bit far sometimes. We could do with some female input.

Sounds great, I’ll see you there.

Good luck with Phillips. He turns back the way he came.

Thanks, Dex. See you later on.

Hesitantly, I push the door open and poke my head around into the room. Everything’s still beige, bar a little man who sits at the end of the table. He has dark unruly hair, thick-rimmed black glasses, and a large pipe dangling from the corner of his mouth. The other students, already seated with pens poised, are clearly waiting for my arrival. Shades of Miss Gibson and Year Eleven Biology flash before my eyes and I’m sure I blush a little.

Sorry, I’m late, I mumble. I got lost.

I am so mortified.

3

New Friends

Little more than an hour later, I stand in the door of the University Bar as the security guy checks my ID. Unlike other girls my age, I didn’t hit a club the minute I became legal, mostly because I was studying for my finals and would have had nobody to go with other than Ben, who was out of town. Prue and Jen are younger than me by a couple of months, and if I’m telling the truth, I haven’t seen that much of them since graduation. It was as if school finishing meant the end of our friendship. Being at school every day was what we had in common. I was too into Ben to consider what might happen in the future. I’ve thought a lot about those friendships over the summer break. I purposely didn’t call them when the thing with Ben went down a month ago. I knew they’d know, Lucy wouldn’t be able to resist crowing about that one. And because I wanted to see if it was always me initiating contact, if Prue, Jen, and I being best friends was in my head. Well, I didn’t call.

I needed to do this by myself this time.

But I miss Ben.

I do.

Despite everything, I miss him dreadfully. I’ve cried so much my face has lost feeling. There’s a gaping hole in my heart where he ripped that piece out. I don’t think it will ever mend. To me, Ben was imperfectly perfect, and no matter what others said, I believed we’d come through in the end, that there would be a time that would be ours. Maybe we had that over summer? Maybe the love we shared wasn’t meant to be forever. It was too volatile. I can’t deal if that was the end.

Not yet.

But I’m learning to. Hence, why I’m here, getting with a new crowd.

My aim is to be happy without him, to learn to trust and maybe love again. Will I give my heart as easily as last time? I don’t know if I have a heart left to give.

By the time the security lets me in the door I’m having serious second thoughts about my plan. The bar is so full, and everyone knows each other. They know where to find stuff, how to get to the toilets. My insecurity and lack of confidence resurfaces, telling me I don’t belong, that I’m a fraud. It’s jumping like a rabid dog, attempting to bite me on the bum. I’m ignoring it as best I can. I’m determined to give this a go. And what better way to do that than to meet new people—new men people? I am going to get over Ben by becoming Bella, life-of-the-party girl. I mean, how hard can it be? All I need is the party. And at least one person I know at the party.