The biggest
disappointments in our lives are often the result of misplaced
expectations. This is especially true when it comes to our relationships
and interactions with others.

Tempering your
expectations of other people will greatly reduce unnecessary frustration and
suffering, in both your life and theirs, and help you refocus on the things
that truly matter.Which means it’s
time to…

“I’m
not in this world to live up to your expectations

and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.”

―Bruce Lee

1. Stop
expecting them to agree with you.

You deserve to be
happy. You deserve to live a life you are excited about. Don’t let
the opinions of others make you forget that. You are not in this world to
live up to the expectations of others, nor should you feel that others are here
to live up to yours. In fact, the more you approve of your own decisions
in life, the less approval you need from everyone else.

You have to dare to
be yourself, and follow you own intuition, however frightening or strange that
may feel or prove to be. Don’t compare yourself to others. Don’t
get discouraged by their progress or success. Follow your ownpathand stay true to your own
purpose. Success is ultimately about spending your life happily in your
own way.

2. Stop expecting
them to respect you more than you respect yourself.

True strength is in
the soul and spirit, not in muscles. It’s about having faith and trust in
who you are, and a willingness to act upon it. Decide this minute to
never again beg anyone for the love, respect, and attention that you should be showing
yourself.

Today, look at
yourself in the mirror and say, “I love you, and from now on I’m going to act
like it.” It’s important to be nice to others, but it’s even more
important to be nice to yourself. When you practice self-love and
self-respect, you give yourself the opportunity to be happy. When you are
happy, you become a better friend, a better family member, and a better
YOU. (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Self-Love”
chapter of 1,000 LittleThings Happy, Successful People DoDifferently.)

3. Stop
expecting (and needing) them to like you.

You might feel
unwanted and unworthy to one person, but you are priceless to another.
Don’t ever forget your worth. Spend time with those who value you.
No matter how good you are to people, there will always be one negative person
who criticizes you. Smile, ignore them, and carry on.

In this crazy world
that’s trying to make you like everyone else, the toughest battle you’ll ever
have to fight is the battle to be yourself. And as you’re fighting back,
not everyone will like you. Sometimes people will call you names because
you’re “different.” But that’s perfectly OK. The things that make
you different are the things that make YOU, and the right people will love you
for it.

4. Stop
expecting them to fit your idea of who they are.

Loving and
respecting others means allowing them to be themselves. When you stop
expecting people to be a certain way, you can begin to appreciate THEM.

Pay close
attention, and respect people for who they are and not for who you want them to
be. We don’t know most people half as well as we believe we do; and truly
knowing someone is a big part of what makes them wonderful. Every human
being is remarkable and beautiful; it just takes a patient set of eyes to see
it. The more you get to know someone, the more you will be able to look
beyond their appearance and see the beauty of who they truly are. (Read The Mastery of Love.)

5. Stop
expecting them to know what you’re thinking.

People can’t read
minds. They will never know how you feel unless you tell them. Your
boss? Yeah, he doesn’t know you’re hoping for a promotion because you haven’t
told him yet. That cute guy you haven’t talked to because you’re too
shy? Yeah, you guessed it, he hasn’t given you the time of day simply
because you haven’t given him the time of day either.

In life, you have
to communicate with others regularly and effectively. And often, you have
to open your vocal cords and speak the first words. You have to tell
people what you’re thinking. It’s as simple as that.

6. Stop
expecting them to suddenly change.

If there’s a
specific behavior someone you care about has that you’re hoping disappears over
time, it probably won’t. If you really need them to change something, be
honest and put all the cards on the table so this person knows how you feel and
what you need them to do.

For the most part
though, you can’t change people and you shouldn’t try. Either you accept
who they are or you choose to live without them. It’s might sound harsh,
but it’s not. When you try to change people, they often remain the same,
but when you don’t try to change them – when you support them and allow them
the freedom to be as they are – they gradually change in the most beautiful
way. Because what really changes is the way you see them. (Read A New Earth.)

7. Stop
expecting them to be “OK.”

Be kinder than
necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle, just like
you. Every smile or sign of strength hides an inner struggle every bit as
complex and extraordinary as your own.

Remember that
embracing your light doesn’t mean ignoring your dark. We are measuredby our ability to overcome
adversitiesand insecurities, notavoid
them. Supporting, sharing and making contributions to other people is one
of life’s greatest rewards. This happens naturally if we allow it,
because we all share very similar dreams, needs and struggles. Once we
accept this, the world then is a place where we can look someone else in the
eye and say, “I’m lost and struggling at the moment,” and they can nod and say,
“Me too,” and that’s OK. Because not being “OK” all the time, is
perfectly OK.

Afterthoughts

People rarely
behave exactly the way you want them to. Hope for the best, but expect
less. And remember, the magnitude of your happiness will be directly
proportional to your thoughts and how you choose to think about things.
Even if a situation or relationship doesn’t work out at all, it’s still worth
it if it made you feel something new, and if it taught you something new.