Mind Over Mind

Because I live an often public life while dealing with a lot of private ups and downs (while also being public about those ups and downs), there are times when I’m still plagued by negative thoughts.

We all have harsh, overly self-critical thoughts from time-to-time. As a child, they weren’t so much an issue, as I was very out-going and curious and I did a lot of things not caring whether or not I fit in or appeared to be cool.

But there was a point in my life where these thoughts were overwhelming and incredibly hampered my work and friendships. I couldn’t go to a party or a public place without doing a rundown of everything I thought was wrong with me and I would project on others that they all “Must hate me.” Sometimes these thoughts were oppressive. I couldn’t enjoy the things I once enjoyed because I couldn’t get out of my head that I was too broken to write a newspaper column or go on television.

What was helpful for me was reminding myself most folks were so self-absorbed in their own problems that what had been big and glaring for me, they didn’t even notice. Just as my head was focused on hyper-criticism, everyone else’s heads were also focusing inward.

I could never deny my own thoughts. Even if the feelings come from being sick, they’re still your feelings. You’re going to go through them. But knowing that the negativity in my mind stayed there and had nothing to do with suddenly all-knowing “judgmental” strangers helped.

Danielle Belton is the author and creator of the blog, blacksnob.com, and was diagnosed with Type II Bipolar Disorder in 2005. Her writing has appeared in The American Prospect Magazine, Essence Magazine and The Root. She is also a regular guest on NPR’s “Tell Me More” with Michel Martin and PBS’ “To The Contrary” with Bonnie Erbe, and has appeared on CNN, MSNBC, ABC’s Nightline and Good Morning America. She is currently working on a book about her 10 year journey from severe, crippling depression to her life of progress and stability today.