Rolling in the Deep (Lyla) 1/1

She left for a thousand different reasons and as she sped around the curve of the road, the Welcome to Charming sign completely disappearing from her side view mirror, her heart pounding and her fingers squeezing the steering wheel, shaking, she recited those reasons to herself in her mind, over and over again, keeping herself from turning around and going back.

She left because of Piper. Because she tried to be a good mom despite everything and she would be out of her mind if anything ever happened to him.

The young blonde-hair, green-eyed boy sat in the backseat, her eyes checking him every few seconds through the rearview mirror. He was playing with a couple of his action figures, chattering to himself, and she almost smiled.

She left because of the abortion. Because she knew, even if Opie didn’t, that he couldn’t have another kid. He didn’t even take care of the ones he already had and he was never home and she knew why he wanted her pregnant.

And that was another reason she was leaving.

She left because she was a porn actress. She had been when he met her and he tried to change her and then got furious when she refused to let him shape her into who he wanted her to be instead of accepting her.

She left because Opie fucked Ima less than two months after their wedding.

She left because she wasn’t Donna and she saw the way Opie looked at her sometimes. He wished she was. And she couldn’t handle the flickers of disappointment anymore.

She left because the way he talked to her, she now thought he had never loved her. She was the one who had fallen in love and somehow, she had convinced herself that the feelings from him were completely mutual.

She left because of Tara’s death threat and because Tara just blindly followed Jax. She left because even though Tara, most of the time, still looked at her as if she was nothing but a slut unworthy of her time, she still considered the young doctor to be her friend and she had a sinking feeling that Tara was never going to leave like she was now and she didn’t want any of that for herself.

She didn’t want to leave because Charming was her home and her job was there and there was Piper’s school and she didn’t want to leave Ellie and Kenny, two children who she viewed as her own now and they viewed her now as a mother figure. She didn’t know what was going to happen to them now. Opie hardly paid any attention to them. Piney was a complete wreck, always away at the cabin, getting drunk, and Mary wasn’t exactly eager to be a mother again. Lyla felt awful for leaving them but she couldn’t stay.

She drove until Piper whined from the backseat that he was hungry. She pulled into a McDonald’s and she drank a strawberry milkshake as he ate his chicken nuggets and then eagerly went to play in the ball pit. She looked out the window. The sun was beginning to set and she’d have to find a motel soon to stay at for the night. She was heading south, no clear idea of where she was going but she had to keep going there.

Once she got Piper back into the car and buckled into his seat, she continued south. She tried not to look at the gold wedding band on her left third finger. Could she annul the marriage? Would Opie let her? She doubted Opie would care one way or another.

She pressed her foot a little harder onto the gas pedal.

In her purse on the front passenger seat, her cell phone began to vibrate and she fumbled for it even though she knew who was calling. She saw his name across the front screen and she stared at it before tossing it back into her purse and looking out at the road.

She didn’t want to talk to him. What was there to say?

She saw a neon sign for Motel 6 and she pulled onto the exit ramp and then into the parking lot. This was a good place to stop. She had driven long enough and there was enough distance between her and Charming.

In the hotel room, she let Piper jump on the bed and he giggled happily and she smiled.

“Mommy,” Piper stopped bouncing. “Why did we have to leave?”

The question made her immediately think of her list of reasons that she had recited to herself in the car. But her son was too young and he wouldn’t understand any of that.

Instead, she took a deep breath and brushed her fingers through his hair. “We had to leave because we couldn’t stay.”