Saturday, January 08, 2011

Goodbye.

I'm sick of this shit. I'm sick of being unhappy and comparing myself to other people. I'm fucking sick and tired of thinking that if I don't restrict, I'm weak and fat. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of having BDD and relapsing into it, and finding solace in this blog and other blogs and thinking it's okay to do this to myself. I want to recover. I want to be better. I don't want to do this any more. I don't give a flying fuck if I have a diagnosis of EDNOS or not. I don't care if I have a "real" eating disorder or not. This is retarded. I'm sick of it. I don't want to be sick. I'm sorry. I'm leaving. Call me weak. Call me stupid. Feel like you're better than I am because you are ana. But you're not. I want health and I can't fully embrace it knowing this blog is here. Goodbye.

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This Is Me

My name is Adelle. I'm an nineteen year old girl, autodidatic, smart (I hope) and a little bit messed up- but who isn't?
This is not a pro-ana or pro-anorexic blog. This blog does not promote any eating disorder. It is only a blog to talk about what I'm feeling. Do not take anything said in this blog as advice, a tip, a trick, or whatever.
I am not responsible for any harm you do to your own body. However, if you are harming yourself, find the strength to seek medical help. Any eating disorder or desire to develop an eating disorder is serious and very harmful to your health.
I've been through a roller coaster ride when it comes to eating and weight loss/gain, and my attitudes have changed several times. All I can do is keep writing, keep living, and keep trying to be what I want to be. I believe that everybody is beautiful, and I am not disgusted with what I see in the mirror. I don't know what I see.
Current- 136.5
Goal 1- 148 (April 11, 2012)
Goal 2- 145 (April 2012)
Goal 3- 140 (May 2012)
Goal 4- 138 (June 8, 2012)
Goal 5- 132
Final Goal- 128