We all dreamed of our kids being the star player, class president, the lead in the school musical, the head cheerleader, the first in class … recognized around the world as being my son or daughter. When Tom’s first child was in 2nd grade, he knew a star was about to be discovered.

The assignment was to write a short story at home and, later that week, read it aloud to the class. Parents would be invited to that particular class. After his daughter completed her story — a masterpiece — Tom rehearsed it with the writer/actress extraordinaire. She was dynamite. She read with dramatic flair. Tom beamed with pride when his daughter performed the story rather than simply read it. She would knock the competition off their seats, and he would bask in the oohs and ahs of the other moms and dads.

The unforgettable performance

The day of the story readings finally arrived — and none too soon as far as Tom was concerned. There were a few other children who read first. They were okay, but they obviously were timid 2nd-graders. When it was his little girl’s turn, she stood, opened her little book and started to read. To Tom’s horror, she moved her lips but nothing came out! There was no energy, no verve, no astonishing talent beyond her years. No one could hear her. She read like … like … a timid 2nd-grader. Hers might have been the worst presentation of all. When she closed her book to polite applause and returned to her seat, Tom wanted to beg the teacher to give her a second chance. Tom’s 2nd-grade starlet had punctured his ego.

Be proud, not pushy

Hey, dad, try not to fit your son or daughter into a mold of your own making. Rather than live vicariously through your children, let them be themselves — and be happy with who they are.

Here are some tips to pass on a child who avoids being the center of attention at all costs:

Accept your shyness. If you’re kind of quiet, people will think there is a lot of heavy stuff going around in your head. Often an aura of mystery surrounds shy people. “He’s so quiet he must be up to something.” So be mysterious. You’ll drive others crazy.

Attack your shyness. If you want to combat your shyness, get involved in an activity that will help you open up to others. Take an acting class. Try out for the school or church play. Your participation will help you relax, and the interaction with other cast members will be invaluable. Not ready for the stage? Volunteer for backstage, or a school club, something that involves other people. Raise your hand in class. These actions will get you off to a great start.

Use your shyness to your advantage. If you’re not talking all the time, that means you’re probably a good listener. Some people feel like they have to fill the silence with chatter. Just be your quiet self and keep listening. People will recognize you as an observer and a thinker.

Tom Tozer and Bill Black are authors of Dads2Dads: Tools for Raising Teenagers. Like them on Facebook and follow them on Twitter at Dads2Dadsllc. Contact them at tomandbill@Dads2Dadsllc.com.