I haven't actually tried driving with my Pirate Gear on but I have been on a bus.

I regularly ride my bicycle wearing my pirate gear. I tie my hat to the top of my helmet. And my wheelchair has pirate flag and stickers, and a cutlass in each of the rear wheels. Both my bike and my wheelchair have a pirate teddy-bear attached.

I haven't actually tried driving with my Pirate Gear on but I have been on a bus.

I regularly ride my bicycle wearing my pirate gear. I tie my hat to the top of my helmet. And my wheelchair has pirate flag and stickers, and a cutlass in each of the rear wheels. Both my bike and my wheelchair have a pirate teddy-bear attached.

Now all ye've got to do is move to Austria and get an Austrian driving license.

PS I've written a comment on thee brave bloke's blog.

The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.

In a dawn raid the Porstmouth constabulary, affectionately known as thee Bow Legged Runners, have made a shameful discovery at Madame Fifi's Gentlemen's club.

A young lad calling himself 'Nef Yoo Blackbeard' was found to be in the employ of this establishment and was in charge of the cloakroom. Whilst the young lad was employed he was not paid a wage but 'helped himself to the contents of people's jackets' in order to make the enterprise profitable.

The young lad's guardian, a Mr Bartholomew Bart, was ordered to take the little blighter into his charge and it is expected that a heavy fine will be levied against the proprietor. When asked if he had seen any of the 'goings on' at the well known knockinge shoppe, Nef Yoo replied: rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I seed thee Chief Constable an his men comin an a goin at least twice a week an Uncle Barty spent all his treasure in one week.

The case continues.

The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.

"I don't mean to sound bitter, cynical or cruel; but I am, so that's how it comes out." ~ Bill Hicks."To argue with a person who has renounced reason is like administering medicine to the dead." ~ Thomas Paine."One should not believe everything one reads on the internet." ~ Abraham Lincoln."If you're making a political point wearing a balaclava, you're a c***. It was true for the IRA and it's true now." ~ daftbeaker.

Notty Local Shipowner Seen Exiting Madame Fifi's Three Times In Two Hours

A notty local shipowner, well-known in the community for his charitable acts, his love of rare cheeses and his rebellious younger relation, was seen yesterday exiting notorious gentlemans' establishment Madame Fifi's three times in two hours, a source told the Portsmouth Guaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrdian.

"I just happened to be standing outside the establishment in question when I saw the aforementioned gentleman exiting the front door. I couldn't believe who it was, I thought my eyes were deceiving me. I was then astonished to see him exit the front door again, although he definitely didn't go in that way in the intervening time," said our source.

It is believed that the notty shipowner enters the club through a secret passage somewhere near his ship, although another, inside, source told us that he entered the club through the back door, so the existence of this secret passage is pure speculation.

When questioned, the notty shipowner replied that we must be mistaken. When shown photographic evidence of this, he replied that he'd "...forgotten all about that, and I was just taking some money to a friend when he ran out of it. The fact that it took me 45 minutes to do so each time means nothing..."

We are currently in legal wranglings over publishing the photographs, but once they are 'shopped (pirate parlance for winning a legal battle over photos) they will be published immediately.

Roland Deschain - Half prophet, half gunslinger, all Pastafarian!

"Since Alexander Pearce escaped, over 250 people have disappeared in the Tasmanian wilderness. No remains have ever been found." - Dying Breed

The latest, entirely true, tale to appear in the Far fetched Anecdotes thread has managed to upset at least three nations across the globe. Never a man to court controversy the author 'Black Bart' has defended his tale saying: "I speak nought but thee truth and if I be lyin may I be struck down wiv a kidney stone."

The mayor of Portsmouth, Lord Borat Johnson has received complaints from the Scottish, Spanish and Mexican embassies (very difficult to spot amongst the wooden shacks near the harbour) alleging that the tale defames their nations and could result in war.

Black Bart is 26 and mayor Borat is 74.

The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.

Pyrit Cap'n Paddington today launched a lawsuit against Pyrit Pets of Rat Street concerning his new shoulder-parrot.The Cap'n told our reporter Hezekiah Grotbucket, "I wish to make a complaint: this is a dead parrot. E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!!"

A spokesman for Pyrit Pets later stated that the Norwegian Blue was just tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk, and was probably pining for the fjords.

Errol Flynn has been named Vice Admiral of Research and Development at Mad Moggies, Inc., a spokeswench for the corporation announced today.

Captain Pieces o'Nine praised Flynn's achievements, starting as cabin boy aboard the Mad Moggies Revenge, his critically acclaimed performances as a 'Hollywood Actor,' his recent triumphs in the pirate market with genuine polystyrene shrunken heads, and, most recently, his successful launch of *the* Must-Have item of the season, the Knork.

Flynn was all smiles at the press conference, saying, "I owe everything to Captain Pieces o'Nine, pirate and wench par excellence. I am really looking forward to embarking upon this new stage in my career, back with the Mad Moggies family, showing those hacks at Bart Industries what a *real* world class marketing giant looks like. Please accept a complimentary knork on your way out -- be the first kid on your block to have one! Pardon? Why yes, I would be happy to autograph that for you!"

I will honor Monkey in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.~Charles "Darwin" Dickens