Your Blogging Staff

Contributing to this blog:
- "Dave" is Dave Barry, who is a humor columnist and presidential contender.
- "judi" is Judi Smith, who is Dave's Research Department, as well as being interested in men.
- "Walter" is Walter, a bone from the penis of a walrus.

January 24, 2006

24

OK, I have read through all 18,763 comments on last night's episode, and I have only one question: What the hell happened?

But seriously: I think I have the gist of it. There was a mole at CTU, yes? The 9-year-old that Chloe was boinking? And they figured this out? Of course it's not much of a mystery: There's always a mole at CTU. They have some kind of affirmative-action program that requires them to hire a certain percentage of mole-Americans. The guy's ID tag probably said "MOLE."

Anyway, they figured out that he was a mole, and that the guy who works in the White House is a mole. is that right? And Jack stabbed somebody in the neck with scissors? Good for Jack! It's time he branched out. Why did he stab the guy? Not that it matters, really.

And I gather that First Lady Cleavage is on the run in her pajamas. Also good. What about the canisters? Do we know what they're for yet?

Other than these minor questions I feel totally up-to-date. Thanks again for your efforts. Everybody should take today off.

Dave says/asks: "And I gather that First Lady Cleavage is on the run in her pajamas. Also good. What about the canisters? Do we know what they're for yet?"

If you're referring to the nerve gas canisters, they are there for nefarious purposes involving moving the plot along through the day.

If you're referring to the First Lady's canisters, they are also for nefarious purposes. How do you think she got to be First Lady? President Manilow strikes one as being highly susceptible to such weaponry.

The guy who got it in the neck with scissors was about to shoot jack in the back - he had already killed Tony's doctor and lured Jack to come to Tony's hospital room alone saying that he had come to and needed to talk to Jack alone. Jack saw the would-be-killer's reflection in a monitor in Tony's room and attacked him just before being shot. Jack knocked the gun out of reach, they wrestled for about a half hour, and eventually the scissors the killer tried to use on Jack wound up in the killer's neck.

The canisters are set to go off in Moscow!?! as punishment for Russia occupying the terrorist's homeland. I'm sure plans will change and they'll be sent to LA in the next couple of episodes.

And in case you were wondering, the 9-year-old that Chloe was boinking let in the hit man under orders from the white house mole. The 9-year-old that Chloe was boinking thought the hitman was there to download some important information on Jack.

so now I kinda know what happened on 24 the other night (since I'm one of the few hold-outs that have not yet seen it - although I have a legit excuse - there is no Fox station where I live), but, anyway, I have a few questions of my own - couldn't they just call an exterminator for the mole problem? Is there mole poisen in the canisters? And how does the secret service feel about the first lady running around in her PJ's? Is she hot, in which case they're happy about it?

After Jack is almost killed by the prefessional assassin IT guy, who somehow cleared security despite obviously having a gun in his bag (I guess if it's broken into 2 parts the x-ray machine can't pick it up?), who Jack then stabs in the neck with a pair of surgical scissors causing a blood pack to explode in his mouth, he turns his attention to the most pressing matter yet - more important than the apparent lack of security at CTU, or the revelation that they are dealing with not 1 but 2 moles, one of which is the White House Chief of Staff, and even more important than the unknown whereabouts of a truckload of nerve gas canisters mislabeled as dirty needles - Jack bravely puts all this aside to focus on the real issue at hand and says,

Of course, the most revolting moment of the night was not the scissors incident, but the god awful exchange between Audrey and Jack. She looks more and more like the runaway bride to me...ad I really like that sprint commercial.

What kind of gas would be stored in quantity at an airport? This is what they pump into the air conditioning ducts in the passenger/body cavity search area: it's STUPID GAS. There seems to be a lot of it in the atmosphere in this series, both at CTU and the White House.

BTW, notice how they saved a lot of money by not building an expensive White House set? They just booked a bunch of rooms at a Days Inn and filmed there. There hasn't been such cheapness since (geezer bus warning) Dr. Who.

ceeg22 - Each episode is still supposed to be an hour in real time, right? Judging from MY experiences at hospital emergency rooms, Jack's visit there will take up approximately the next TEN episodes. At least.

So I am so hoping First Lady Cleavage takes those canisters and bops President weinieshnitz in the head several times with them. Not that it would help, mind you.

Okay now here is my question. I have directv at work and the info said presidentweenie was starting to break down... ummm... but I must have missed that part. Did he break down and confess to being a weenie?

Chloe's new boyfriend lets a guy into CTU, who the boyfriend thinks is messing with the computers for some info. New boyfriend leaves, the guy he let in turns a flashlight into a gun. With a silencer. Apparently bought at Home Depot for spys.

Mrs. Manilow realizes her husband doesn't believe her, and sneeks out a window in her pajamas when she thinks she's headed to Vermont. Apparently "Vermont" is now a funny farm.
Maybe it always has been.

Jack FINALLY gets to CTU, the Hobbit forgives him and asks for the One Ring. Phone call from the infirmary... Tony's awake and wants to talk to Jack. Jack heads over there.

Meanwhile, Chloe has caught on to New Boyfriend and New Boyfriend starts to get questioned.

Jack gets to the infirmary, tries to talk to Tony (who is asleep) and notices in a reflection of a heart monitor (I'm not kidding) that the "doctor" is pulling out a weapon. The "doctor" is really the guy with the flashlight gun, a struggle ensues (struggles always "ensue") and in the fight Jack stabs the guy in the neck with some scissors. And after the guy is down, Jack gets the scissors another good smack just to be sure he really killed the guy.

New Boyfriend, confronted by Jack, folds fast, and tells everyone that he was sent by the White House to find out info about CTU. He knows nothing about the plot to kill Jack, and says that Weasel Guy is the person who sent him in.

This is almost like watching politics. You've got half dressed gazoomba women who sleep with the president, you've got moles (aka Lobbyists) who are busy extorting, stealing, bribing and intimidating, a spy agency who apparently can get infiltrated by anyone even though they're busy torturing everyone and you've got really bad relationship subplots. I mean, all we need is the official photo op White House pet and its essentially the West Wing. They're already importing characters.

OK, so She Who Must and I stumbled on it and watched about 3/4 of the show last night and I've read the accounts here and I recognize various bits, such as the boink-ee (clueless on a number of levels) and boink-er (also clueless, but on different levels), the scissors, the duct-taped ribs, and Mrs Cleavage (the PJ's didn't do her canisters justice)... as for what the heck happened, my comment is (and you may quote me):

So what I want to know is when are we going to see a real fight between Audrey and Diane? I mean there was the old-girlfriend-and-possible-new-flame thing going on there.

Unfortunately, Connie Britton's credits in the IMDB database for 24 only go a few episodes so she will probably end up dead from a bad guy or nerve gas or something.

But Audrey and Jack were generating some heat there in the hallway, so maybe Diane will just have to ride off into the sunset with her baby boy. It was almost as steamy as Chloe and Edgar. But that's coming later.

President weaseldinkus just makes me want to throw things at the TV. He is so useless he could actually be president!

Oh and by the way, the terrorists said that they will use the nerve gas to attack Moscow. Some thing about turing it into a graveyard.

I'd have to argue on the best line of the night. My vote is for Chloe's zinger to Edgar, who is in the process of whining about how they're supposed to be friends and she's keeping secrets from him:

"Okay, after we recover the nerve gas and the threat level is lowered, we can have some camomile tea and I'll tell you all my secrets."

And Jack would never go to the hospital. He's probably going to set his own rib in the next episode and then kick Tony to wake him up. I mean really, Tony got shot in the throat a few seasons ago and he was back at work by now!

well the canisters are going to be used in Moscow to frame the Americans once again...I bet the Chinese are involved...and probably 'hot terrorist babe' from last season...and season 2...or was that season 1? She seemed ethnic.

You have all missed the best line of the night. When Curtis found the dead rats in the airport, he said "Get a bio team out here; and have them bring the Spectrum Analyzer."
It was almost as exciting as when they get schematics! I really wanted to see the Spectrum Analyzer. I'll bet it is a fantastic piece of equipment.

Opening scene has yellow-tie dude loading canisters in a truck, cleverly disguised as a SWAT team vehicle. Sashays away through checkpoints and then off to the docks.

Curtis (the only guy who does any work) calls Jack while he (Jack) is being hauled in to headquarters. Rainman-like, Jack tells Curtis that the yellow-tie dude's only possible unguarded exit was between gates 6 and 7. Curtis finds the guy on surveillance tapes, and hitails it over to Hanger Double-B! Finds hole, no canisters, and a large collection of dead rats. Full bio-pack and spectrum analyzers called for.

Yellow-tie spills the beans! "Russians will finally understand the consequences of occupying our homeland when we turn Moscow into a graveyard"

They find first lady cleavage, and Acting president Manilow decides she's a loon who needs time back at the home. Assigns weasel/mole aide to handle it.

Sinister mastermind tells weasel/mole aide to kill Jack. No prob, we'll use our CTU mole. We all know it's the twerpy Chloe boy/toy, but the extremely paranoid think that's just too obvious and suspect the hobbit.

Mole takes Maytag to server room and tells him to have at it. Leaves. Maytag guy immediately assembles a gun from various tool box bits and pieces.

commercial

First Lady Cleavage jumps out window in pajamas. Ground floor, no collateral damage.

They arrest mole-boy. Edgar gloats. Bafflingly, Chloe blurts out that mole-boy crawled into her bed as part of an agenda. Ex-Acting/Hobbit immasculated CTU boss dude is properly baffled.

commercial... they are getting much closer together! There are apparently cars for sale.

11:53 (!!!)

Jack determines that there is a mole in Acting President Manilow's administration. Tells Hobbit "You're gonna have to look into that." Doctor phones to report Tony awake and asking for smack, err Jack. On way to Tony, bonds with Derek in hallway. That boy is doomed. One more episode, max.

Looks like Jack may get to interrogate mole-boy! Fun. But first, Jack finds Tony still dead and Maytag dude dressed as doctor attempts to kill him (Jack). Maytag dude cracks Jack's rib, then receives scissors through carotid artery. Bleeds.

Split screen!! 11:58 Mole-boy rats out weasel-aide Cummings after Jack looks at him sternly. Jack says "I'm not CTU. I'll go get Walt Cummings myself." Walt Cummings wets pants, or would have if he had been there.

commercial, and the scenes from next week!

Apparently Cummings tries to kill Jack, repeatedly. Whiney Audrey whines some more and First lady Cleavage wanders around in her jammies. Wow.

I'm pretty sure they meant 'spectrophotometer', which is, I think, kinda like a gas chromatograph, in that it analyzes various substances to tell what they are by virtue of the bands of different colored light they project when they're, y'know...graphed. Or photoed. Or spected. Whatever.

I know I'm probably posting this WAY too late in the day, but I HAD to say something to all of you who don't watch THE BEST SHOW IN THE WORLD (notice the capital letters?): You are truly missing out. 24 is one of those shows that keeps you on the edge of your seat the entire hour. I like having something to watch that doesn't involve "desperate" women, "dancing" celebrities, "sex" in a big town, or a "chaotic" so-called singer-turned mommy.

U.O. Thanks for the support and long memory. I think I FINALY crossed some radars back when I called everyone out on what my name meant. (There's eighteen wheels on the big rig!)

sam I may be complainy, but at least I'm not breathtakingly beautiful, as I'm sure everyone else here is. Poor me.

sly Nice "Toast" reference (when the first cavemen rolled in from the dregs. . . ). I believe if we put, like, a line of beers along the border to The Great White North, we'd be able to, like stop the invasion for at least an hour, eh. Beauty idea, huh? My brother thought it up, he's a genius.

Thank you everyone helping me get caught up. Last night I was on the phone with my new Girl Friend (I RULE) and when I got to my TIVO'd episode of 24 I was half asleep but I am going to rewatch it tonight.

First of all Chloe has some management issues, okay. She is just not a people person. Good at schematics, crappy at giving tactful direction. Though to be honest, Edgar hanging over my shoulder all the time (combined with the weight of wearing that hideous sweater) would get on my nerves too.

I was kind of hoping when Jack was struggling with unamed-sure-to-die bad guy in Tony's room that they would end up rolling around on top of Tony's inert body but I guess that's a little too Mel Brooksian. (And doesn't CTU's health coverage spring for regular hospital rooms? Aren't they unionized?)

I loved the idea of First Lady Jean Smart squeezing her cleavage out that tiny bathroom window and then doing a broken field run away from pursuing secret service agents. I wish they had shown it. What a great visual that would have been.

It's never a good thing ending up in that CTU hospital. No-one ever seems to come out of there alive (including the doctors). Dang, Tony is going to be really, really, really MAD when he wakes up (especially if he misses the upcoming Superbowl Game). Has anyone ever noticed that Tony has a meaner looking glance-in-the-rearview-mirror than Jack?

I can only attribute my compassion and/or expertise to a couple of major factors in life:

Sure, I liked Doug and Bob from the start, but my kids loved 'em even more, and so the jokes have survived and been retold many many times ...

Bob and Doug taught me how to speak Canadian ... altho, spending most of my life just a Little Bit [Ed. note: 14 miles. It is not clear how long this would be in the metric system.] South of the Great White North ...

I was waiting for a good cat fight between Audrey and Jack's former girlfriend...maybe it's yet to come as Audrey clearly still has feelings for Jack (she couldn't bear it thinking that Jack thought she was angry with him while he was dead). So I still think that even with yellow necktie guy and the nerve gas and whatnot going on, Jack is going to have some commitment/relationship issues to resolve. Plus, I read somewhere that his daughter is going to return and that girl is always in some kind of trouble.

Why does everyone think First Lady Cleavage is going to cannister President Manilow? She's going after Weasel Cummings because she has figured out he knew what she had stuffed in her cannister-holders and that only he had the knowledge, the motive, and the access to go poking around in her undergarments. That's probably more action than she's gotten from Manilow in years. And, yes, the 9-year old is not long for this world.

By the way, after Cleavage offs Weasel, Jack happens to be nearby and takes the rap for it, thus freeing up Cleavage from any ugly political mess and endearing Jack to the First Family, where he can now operate from the inside to go after those big bad terrorists.

Either that, or he boinks Cleavage right there since he's so turned on by her violent nature.

Is it just me or does the White House staff here resemble Nixon, John Mitchell, and Hamilton Jordan (from the Carter admin.) as Weasel. Pres. Manilow even does the awkward Nixon-wave -- I'm waiting for the two-handed V's for victory.