Philadelphia MFT

As a therapist, the majority of my day is spent guiding people through difficult moments in their lives. Different issues call for different solutions, but there is one piece of advice that can be used universally: embrace empathy. Empathy is the ability to detect and vicariously experience the feelings of others. I encourage everyone to spend more time in other people’s shoes. It is easy to become separated from other's experiences but empathy is too important to disconnect from. Here are some benefits of incorporating empathy into your daily routine:

Better treatment of others and yourself

When you can identify with how a person is feeling you tend to treat them better than you normally would. You may not have experienced what they are going through exactly but the feelings are familiar. Thinking about how you would want to be treated in these moments helps.

Builds trust

When a person feels understood, a safe space is created and they are more likely to open up and share. If a person knows that you’ll empathize instead of judge, stronger bonds are formed.

Better communication

Knowing how a person feels and thinks makes it easier to predict their reaction. It also allows you to alter your interaction with people. People are more likely to listen to your point of view, if they feel that you genuinely care about theirs.

Being able to vicariously experience what someone else is going through is a skill everyone should possess. With all of the maddening things going on in the world, it is important to be able to connect and feel. Empathy goes a long way. If you are having trouble identifying with other people, the therapists here are equipped to help. Don’t hesitate to contact us. We are now offering online booking so you can schedule an appointment as soon as you finish reading this sentence.

Engaging in difficult conversations are a necessary evil in our situations and relationships. We usually dread having to discuss uncomfortable issues because of the anxiety we feel and the negative feedback we may receive from others. However the good can most certainly outweigh the bad when you have to have a challenging heart to heart with the ones you love. Here are just a few positives that come out of having difficult conversations:

You have a sense of relief When you’re upset about an issue and don’t challenge yourself to discuss it, animosity and resentment can develop; poisoning your spirit and ruining your relationship with others. Even if you have a tremendous amount of anxiety about broaching a subject, talking about it (even if it doesn’t go well) can make you feel a sense of relief due to it being verbalized and heard by the other person(s) involved.

You gain closure and understanding We can be so offended that we don’t even realize that the person who hurt us did so unintentionally. Speaking up and clearly explaining your issue can help you gain closure after everyone has addressed the misunderstanding. By pushing yourself to verbalize hurts and grievances you open yourself up to the opportunity to gain newfound understanding about yourself and your interactions with others.

You learn how to effectively articulate your emotionsIf you are someone who is very reactive or emotional when you try to address an issue with someone, you’re never going to get over it if you choose to continue to avoid the discomfort by refusing to discuss it. We all hate to be the person who thinks of what to say after the fact but you decrease your chances of having to deal with this if you challenge yourself more to speak up about your issues with others. To help you gain clarity about what you want to address during a difficult conversation, create bullet points that you want to bring up. Writing it down beforehand helps you gain a better understanding of why you’re upset and how to communicate that to effectively to someone else.

You find the confidence to set necessary boundariesTopics that are difficult are usually the ones in which we have to assert ourselves and create a boundary around a behavior that upsets us. Naturally, we hate to make others uncomfortable by correcting or telling them no. Humans are wired for belonging and closeness which leads us to our longing to be well liked and not rock the boat. However it is your responsibility to show people how you should be treated and the more you negate a difficult conversation, the more you accept whatever treatment you are receiving from others.

You learn how to “do it afraid” So many things are left unsaid because of the fear and dread associated with challenging conversations. We overthink and assume the worst will happen when we try to broach a touchy subject. “What if it doesn’t go well?” “What if they become upset with me?” “What if they cut me out of their life?”The above are just some of the fears that pass through our minds when we think about having not so pleasant discussions. Although difficult conversations are challenging, pushing yourself to have them every time a problem arises makes it that much easier. Regardless you will experience fear and anxiety but you’ll gain courage in learning how to do it afraid.

As anxiety provoking as difficult conversations can be, they are essential to our personal growth in life and relationships. When faced with the opportunity, always choose to challenge yourself and others to work through the hard discussion rather than shy away from them. If you feel you need more support on how to handle difficult conversations feel free to contact Philadelphia MFT.This topic of the week was written and presented by Alanna Gardner, MFT

One of the key elements of a strong relationship is bonding over shared hobbies, and fantasy football is one of the most widely played games amongst men in the United States. According to the FSTA, 25.8 million people played fantasy football in 2012 and that number is going up every year. While men are gearing up for the beginning of what they hope to be a winning season for their team, 80% of women are being left out of what may be a great bonding opportunity for them and their significant other.

It seems women are already picking up on this secret. The FTSA notes that in 2012, 20% of the population playing fantasy football were women, an 8% increase from the year before.

Not sure where to start? Ask your partner! He will likely enjoy that you are taking an interest in knowing more about football and will not have a problem explaining the details. You can spend Sundays (or Monday and Thursday nights) watching games together and learning about the players. After doing this for a season, you will have a pretty good grasp on the game and the players, and you will have spent 22 weeks of quality bonding time with your partner.

Next, you will need to join a league together (don't worry; you won't need to get to this step until next summer so you have plenty of time to do so). Once you find one, you can spend some time together preparing for your season by reading fantasy football draft advice online (websites like ESPN.com and NFL.com will have sections specifically designated to fantasy football) and discussing draft strategy with each other. Your draft will likely occur in late August, and then your fantasy football season will begin with the start of the NFL regular season.

Engaging in a shared activity that is special to your partner will increase his self-worth because you are putting value on an activity that he enjoys. And having a joint hobby that spurs competition will rev up your relationship. Relationship energy is essential to a strong bond, and fantasy football is a great way to renew your relationship energy every year.

Still think fantasy football isn't for you? Than read this topic of the week from 2012 where I discuss how to keep football from overrunning your relationship.

You've cheated on your partner and now the truth is out. Whether it was one wild night or an ongoing affair, the damage has been done. Now that your secret is out, you may be feeling surges of regret, sadness, guilt, remorse, or in some cases relief. Your partner is likely devastated and cycling through his or her own set of emotions. This is a chaotic time. The foundation of your relationship has been shattered. It is up to you and your mate to decide whether to rebuild or leave it in shambles. If you both decide to move on, here are some tips to help you get through this juncture:

Cut all possible ties. You cannot reconcile your relationship if you are still interacting with the person you had the affair with. If you cannot cut out all ties due to professional reasons or children, then at least limit communication.

Be open. In order to move forward you have to be open with your partner. He or she may have several questions about the affair. Be willingly to truthfully answer those questions, no matter how difficult they may be.

Be accountable and honest with yourself. What made you susceptible to infidelity? Look at what factors led you to that point and also what you need to do to avoid being tempted again. Avoid playing the blame game. Your partner’s attitude may have made your relationship difficult but it cannot be used as an excuse for the infidelity. Own up to your wrongdoing in order to make any sort of progress. Pointing the finger only does more damage.

Recognize things won’t ever be exactly the same. It is very common to want your relationship to go back to normal after an affair happens. The only problem is the normal that used to know is gone. Things have changed but this is not necessarily a bad thing. You and your partner have the ability to create a stronger relationship. Take this time to discuss what you both need from each other moving forward. Also discuss the issues in your relationship that may have pushed you both apart.

Accept the fact that healing may take longer than you anticipated. Healing after infidelity has been committed will not happen overnight. Do not rush the process. You may think that things should be moving faster but you have no control over the timing it takes to forgive and truly move on.

Moving on after an affair is a difficult process that is best handled with the help of an objective third party. The therapists here at Philadelphia MFT are skilled in helping couples work through issues pertaining to infidelity. Please don’t hesitate to contact us.