EBay seller FAQ 222

I was looking at something on eBay and I came across this guy's FAQ written out in the description. Having sold a bit on eBay myself, I totally get why he would put it front and center!

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Frequently asked questions

How are you?About the same, thanks for asking.

So what's included in your listing?Everything you see in the pictures and nothing you don't.

Anything else?I'll throw in a box.

Oh, a smart guy, eh?In case that's not rhetorical: I'm no expert, and I'm certainly not smart enough to know about everything that passes my way. I do my best to evaluate the things I sell, but often defer to the superior knowledge of the prospective buyer.

Will you ever learn?Probably not.

What’s with your hair?Um…wait, what?

What if the item I buy from you doesn't work?You have 30 days from receipt to return it for a refund if it doesn't do as I describe.

What if I don't like the color?Then you have 14 days.

If I tell you how crappy and obsolete your item is in a condescending enough tone, will you do me the favor of selling it to me for a fraction of your asking price?You sure know how to butter a guy up. No.

I didn’t bother to read your description. Can you fill me in on the details? Sure. Send a stamped self-addressed envelope to: mehoff58, c/o eBay, Internet.

Can I pick up my winnings in person?I don't know you well enough to know your capabilities.

OK, may I?Certainly!

I need your item, so lower your price. Not really a question. Nope, not a question at all.

I bought this gadget from you 5 months ago and just found out it doesn’t work. Will you refund my money? 30 days is my limit. I can’t afford to keep large stores of cash handy for long warranties on used equipment. Besides, I don’t know how you stored it or handled it or if it was damaged in shipping. Anyway, no.

Did I forget anything?What am I, a mind reader?

Will you discuss these imaginary conversations with your psychiatrist?The conversations are quite real, it's you who are imaginary.

You just blew my mind.Who said that?

The best way to keep your sanity sometimes is to never have had any to begin with!