Handle graduating son's party diplomatically

Jul 07, 2008 | 2:46 PM

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son will be graduating from high school next year, and he doesn't want an open house or graduation party. He's not the type of person who enjoys dealing with a lot of people or greeting relatives he seldom sees. He would like to do something simple with a few close friends, and my husband and I would like to honor his wishes.

Is it proper etiquette to invite family and friends to his graduation ceremony without inviting them to an open house? Would it be in bad taste to include a note in his graduation announcements, informing relatives that they may contribute to his college fund if they would like to send a gift? I know many will want to give my son a gift, even without an open house, but I don't want to seem as if we are asking for money, which may offend people. Please advise. The planning starts before the senior year of high school!

Dear Maria: Not every family has a party for a child who graduates, even though such an event can be rewarding for the family and guests. If your son is so vehemently opposed to such an activity, honor his wishes. I recommend hosting the smaller event at a different time, not immediately after the graduation. Invite whomever you have room to invite - and care to invite - to the graduation, and make it clear that there isn't an after-event.

With regard to gifts, don't formally invite people to contribute to his college fund. That kind of information should come more subtly, upon request.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently went in for my quarterly job review. My boss said something I've heard many times. She said, though I'm doing a wonderful job, she'd like me to work on my "glass-half-empty mentality." She said it negatively affects the other members of our team. I didn't realize this part of my personality had infiltrated my work. Any pointers?

Dear Frederika: Many people, even when they are good at what they do, walk through their lives with a sense of doom. You've probably noticed it in others who seem overly critical of a person or a situation for no apparent reason.

I believe this has to do with an ingrained fear within, which hauntingly says you don't deserve happiness and success. Many people believe they aren't worthy of claiming a great life. But we all are blessed with the gift of the possibility of happiness in every moment, even during the hard times. To claim it, choose the potential of the moment and the greatness before you, rather than what may be hiding in a dark cloud.

It's a matter of choice for you. To help you change your outlook, read "The Miracle of Optimism: Change Your Perspective, Transform Your Life" by Kevin Touhey (BookSurge Publishing, 2007).

Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is the creative director of Ebony magazine. You can send questions to askharriette@ harriettecole.com or c/o United Feature Syndicate, 200 Madison Ave., New York, N.Y. 10016.