Sunday, July 20, 2014

what an eventful week for us! our original ultrasound appointment was cancelled last minute... but we were lucky enough to schedule a "gender check" at jordan river women's health clinic for the very same day. we found out you were a baby girl, and we couldn't be more excited! I was convinced you were a boy, because I wanted another baby girl so bad. Daddy is feeling a little outnumbered, but we can't wait for all the fun you'll bring to our family. big sister Amelia is already saying "I love you baby Scarlett" and I hope you know how true that is... I can't wait for the two of you to be the best of friends!

this week, we also started our new job on the mom-baby unit (where we'll actually stay for a few days when you come to us this december!). a total of 40 hours made for four very long days for us, but I'm so happy to be working with those sweet babes that still smell fresh from Heaven. they make me feel a little closer to you. Daddy is busy finishing up our yard, so we can start working on your nursery. sometimes I still can't believe you're actually on your way. the ultrasound tech measured you, and your head and length indicated you were exactly the right size-- right up to the day: 16w3d. sounds pretty solid to me! I don't think I'll ever stop saying this-- I'm so grateful to be growing you, I'm so grateful I get to be your mom.

Sunday, July 13, 2014

this week we went to girls' camp for a couple of days with the young women in our ward-- I'm so grateful for them and their bright shiny testimonies. I hope I'll be able to remember their special love for Christ and the gospel and share it with you one day. we've also been a little more sick this week, which I hope will leave our system quite soon! big sis amelia has been copying like a sponge; her latest interest is "throwing up" (making really weird sounds) over the toilet like mommy does often-- not sure if this is funny or sad. daddy and I both think this pregnancy is a bit more challenging, but I'm sure all the details will get fuzzy when we hold you in our arms. we start my new job on Monday, and I'm thrilled! bear with me as we launch off with a 40 hour week! we also find out next week if you will be named baby scarlett or baby ethan-- we can't wait! until then, I'm happy to continue feeling you kick often and dreaming up what our future will be like as a family of four.

Sunday, July 6, 2014

It's tradition that we celebrate the 4th in Murray with Jeremy's family, complete with 5k, parade, and brunch with the entire extended family on both sides. We don't run the 5k anymore, but it makes my heart so happy to see Amelia get excited for the parade. The fourth of July will always be one of my favorite holidays because of Jeremy's proposal (he technically proposed on the 3rd, so we have our own special anniversary). I don't even know what we did for holidays before having kids! Amelia would yell comments like "whoaaaaa!" and "hi cows!" and lead the music for the floats and wave her flag and run out in the middle of the street to pick up pieces of candy. Gosh, I love her and love seeing the world through her eyes.

In case you didn't know, we announced to the extended family and to our social media friends some exciting news! Amelia's shirt reads: "ONLY CHILD expiring december 2014" and we couldn't be more excited! It melts my heart to watch her share and be more kind to her younger cousins. I'm sure we'll all struggle a little for the big adjustment to come, but I'm so so happy. I feel so blessed and grateful for this responsibility! And I feel so blessed and grateful that I have such a dedicated, hardworking husband who has built a home spiritually and financially ready for this change. I am the luckiest.

The three of us napped after brunch. Jeremy and I went to the movies (Transformers. please don't waste your money...) while Amelia stayed to play with her cousins. Afterwards, we went to Ryan and Melissa's home to watch fireworks from their giant porch. I loved that we could see five different cities' displays! Amelia kept yelling "BOOM!" and singing "firework! firework!" all night. I love that girl!

I'm grateful to celebrate this holiday with my favorite people. I'm grateful for this country and what it represents. I'm grateful for all the women and men who have died and are still serving to keep my family and I safe.

I was invited last minute to run Ragnar Wasatch Back (June 26th and 27th) with a bunch of people I didn't know. Then, very last minute I was switched to be Runner 2 in Van 1 to run 8.9, 3.2, and 3.6 miles for my three legs. Looking back, the stars aligned to make this the best possible experience a preggo lady could have. I ran at 8 in the morning, 8 at night, and 8 in the morning again for my legs-- optimal running times. My team was so sweet and let me sleep through the night, and eat whenever I needed to. My friend Kelly, had brought over a leg roller and icy hot to use the whole time I was riding between legs. I was so sore in between my runs, but the day after... nothing! It was like Ragnar never even happened! Part of me still can't believe I pulled out almost 9 miles for my first leg and still survived! (I've been taking it really easy since I found out I was pregnant!)

Of course I had to get souvenirs for my family (and of course it cost a fortune...). I got Jer a beanie, Amelia a t-shirt, and baby a onesie. I can't believe I'm already buying things for this baby... still a little surreal for me! I'll admit: I did get a little homesick for my babes and spent a ton of time scrolling through my pictures and videos.

Saturday, July 5, 2014

I can't believe we're out of the first trimester! We're feeling better and better everyday. At the end of last week, we ran the Ragnar together and it was amazing and awful. I'm happy we did it together, but you'll have to remind me to never do it while pregnant again. I got you a cute Ragnar onesie... I still can't believe you're real enough I can buy you things! We had another doctor's appointment this Monday-- this was the first doctor's appointment your daddy couldn't make. I felt overwhelmed with fear when Dr. Thackeray couldn't find your heartbeat with the doppler right away. I know it's silly that moms seem to worry a lot more than necessary, but really, I held my breathe the whole two minutes. You're healthy, and full of kicks and movement, just like big sis Amelia. I'm so happy to already be feeling your kicks every now and then. I'm so grateful you're growing so well. I can't believe we'll get two ultrasounds in the next month for you-- can't wait to find out if you're a boy or a girl!

the weeks are flying by. it always feels like we're cramming in our temple date the last week of the month (which we are). your daddy and i had hoped to attend the temple regularly for ourselves, and also as an example for our kiddos. sometimes it's a struggle, but i swear it's always worth it. want some exciting news? mommy got a job offer to the IMC mom-baby unit today! i applied to this job before we knew you were on your way, interviewed twice for it, and finally got a job offer. i prayed right before my second interview, i prayed for the best thing for our family, whether or not it consisted of this job. this is my "dream job" almost nothing better than welcoming sweet babies into this world and getting paid for it. except staying at home with my own babies. only time will tell what happens! as always, i'm so grateful for how blessed i am-- i do hope you know you choose such a wonderful family to join!

This week was father's day, and Amelia and I celebrated your daddy. He's a wonderful man. He always told me his worst fear was not being able to take care of his family, and it's true! He stresses to make sure we have everything we need and have. He works day in and day out and loves us so dearly. I hope you remember his great qualities of kindness, service, hard working, faithful, priesthood holder, thoughtful (the list does go on) and follow his example throughout life. We told your grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins about you this week, and we are all over the moon for a Christmas baby. Hope you know how loved are, and how great of a family you are being born into.

Wishing I could see you wiggling around in utero via ultrasound in right now. I'm kicking myself for not recording it at the appointment. First world problems, right? We are so bless for the technology and medical advancements we have access to in our day. Your big sis turned two on Sunday, the same day you turned 11 weeks. I always thought you'd be here, or almost here by now. But looking from this perspective, I see all the blessings that have come and will come from waiting patiently (and impatiently). I'm not sure if you'll ever have this exact experience, but I'm sure you will have a similar experience of waiting and longing and praying, and feeling like Heavenly Father is being silent. But He is there, and He is listening, and He knows when and exactly how you are struggling. Be patient, and trust Him. I promise everything happens for a reason, even all the heartaches that lead to growth and all the setbacks with opportunities for comebacks, everything will eventually be okay. I hope you know that I'll always be there too. I'll always love you infinitely and immeasurably, and so will your dad.

we had our first appointment today and got to meet you via ultrasound. I have been smiling all morning, and my heart was racing, I just couldn't wait to see you and your flicker of a heartbeat. your daddy and sister both came to the appointment with us. when we zoomed in to take a good look at you, you were wiggling and even waved at us. it was so nice to see you a little further along, a little more developed with your four limbs! doc says we're measuring right up to 10w1d, putting you due on December 28th, a Christmas baby for sure! Amelia kept yelling "baby! baby!" during the ultrasound. when Dr. Thackeray printed pictures of you, Amelia snatched them up to give you kisses. I just know you two will be the best of friends. I hope you are a girl, Daddy hopes you are a boy; we both just want you to be happy and healthy.

Not much happenings lately. Just O B V I O U S signs that I'm pregnant that I can't really share with the rest of the world. Nausea, exhaustion, pregnancy brain, weight gain, aversion to almost all foods, "swollen" areas, etc. It was nice to get away to yellowstone for the weekend, just the four of us (I do love the sound of that-- four of us). We get to see you via ultrasound in less than a week, and I am t h r i l l e d. I'm not sure why, but I've been a bit of a nervous wreck about seeing you and making sure you're growing and healthy. I love you. I can't wait.

I don't know how many weeks old you are yet, but for someone so small, you've been creating quite a ruckus. I've been feeling pretty sick, but I am trying to remember about how grateful I am to have you growing inside of me. (so so so grateful) You're too small for me to feel at this point, but I swear I feel tightening and pulling inside of me. It must be in my head. For the most part, Amelia does not like it when I lay down to rest. She also still thinks your home (my tummy) is her trampoline. (sorry for the occasional unpreventable earthquakes!) She does love you so much; she probably kisses you at least 10 times a day (now without me asking) and tells you how much she loves you. We can't wait for you to get a little bigger so your presence can be felt from the outside! In other news, your daddy turned 30 years old this week! We sure love that man. I think he is a little worried about making sure I can stay at home with you and Amelia when you come. I also think everything will work out fine. I'm so grateful for you and I feel so blessed we only have around 8 months before we meet. I get down on my knees often and thank God for you and constantly pray I will be able to be a good mother. I hope you know that being a good mother to my children is the most important thing to me; to teach you, to grow you, to love you, to protect you.

I am so very happy you exist. I haven't seen you, or heard you, or felt you. But, I love you and I pray for you and worry about you. I've prayed about you for a long time actually-- I've hoped that you'd join our family for what feels like an eternity. You have a loving Daddy, who works very hard to protect his family, and is very excited to hold you. You have a big sister, Amelia, she's the one that kisses you often, jabs at you and calls for you, and says "night night, baby!" when she naps and goes down for the night. You have me, I'm growing you, and I couldn't be more grateful. We all love you so very much. We can't wait for time to pass to see you, to feel you, from the inside and the out, to smell you, to kiss you, to hear you.

On Sunday, May 11th, I awoke bright-eyed and excited.
Jeremy Ray was not in bed next to me, which meant he was ensuring Mother's Day surprises were in perfect order.
I snoozed and took my time getting ready.
Of course, every awaiting detail was lovely-- the house was beautifully clean (Jer had even scrubbed the stove-- my least favorite job), a jade plant for our home, a grape tomato plant for my garden, and traditional fresh flowers that I love; dr. pepper, ferrero rocher, and of course, a lovely card from "Amelia" with all the words a mother needed to read about herself.

I sat down to breakfast, scrambled eggs that Jeremy had made.
After forcing the bite down, I turned to my honey,
"I love you, and your cooking is delicious, but I'm going to vomit."
I definitely felt sorry for myself. I had been nauseated and exhausted for weeks. I had started my first round of progesterone two weeks previously, and was awaiting my menstrual cycle to start my first round of clomid. The stress from "trying" and feeling out of control of my emotions and physical symptoms of my body was overwhelming.
I had planned on toughing it out for church, as I was convinced it was going to be g r a n d on Mothers' Day!
Until I started dry heaving over the toilet five minutes before we were going to leaving.
I heard Jeremy in the kitchen...
"uh oh, Millie, guess we're not going to church!"

I spent all day on the couch, trying not to breathe too much.
Amelia would bring me my water bottle every so often.

We visited our moms in the afternoon/evening.
I tried to eat enough, but not too much.
We went home.

I checked my cycle calendar.
1 week "late," but nothing to be too excited about.
I figured it couldn't hurt to take a test, especially one of my 88 cent walmart tests.
I figured it couldn't hurt, since I was awaiting my period to start anyway, and I would start clomid, and get pregnant the next month.
I figured a negative wouldn't be so bad.
I peed.instant positive
Talk about the b e s t Mothers' Day ever, right!?

Sheer joy ran through my veins and heart and soul.
"Jeremy! I think you should look at this test!"
Jeremy's response? "does this mean you're pregnant!? how long have you even been nauseated for!?"
ha! I love him. somuch.
We knelt down on our knees and thanked our Heavenly Father to be blessed with this responsibility. again.
I bawled. I laughed. I screamed a little.
I couldn't sleep.
I took another test at midnight.
Seriously, the best best joy.
I could burst from happiness.