So I've been exploring other Forums lately with regard to personality disorders and ILs, while still being a fairly regular member here. While I know that every Forum has guidelines and rules, the newest Forum I joined kind of irks me a bit with how strict they are, and how members there are keen to report you even if you call a narc il a 'twat.' Seriously?

I re-read their guidelines and while they provide their reasoning for it and I respect that, it makes me feel like members there have to walk on eggshells with everything they express. I could understand if members are just using a string of profanity with no substance, or attacking other members in their posts, but 'twat' (etc). Come on. Feels like big brother is watching, and while I'm always one to inner-reflect and improve, I'm not sure how 'safe' I feel there anymore if members report on even the slightest language they don't like.

Makes me more appreciative of this Forum, my first and original. Just needed to vent.

Completely agree. I've been hanging around this site for quite some time and I've explored others. This one has good, 'real' people who try hard to give good advice. Also, many of us seem to actually care about what others are going through. Plus, I'm grateful for the level of intelligence.

I don't know that I've come across other sites, but I LOVE this forum. I agree with others who say the members are so wise and also humorous. The members of this forum have helped me so much with my situation! I feel heard and understood and get wonderful advice/feedback/encouragement. Thank you all!

I'm certainly thankful for this forum. To be able to vent and be understood and not judged is rare. On some of the other forums that people have referred to many of the posters end up at each other's throats, or they offend the moderators and are excluded.

I can only recall one or two threads that were closed because of personal attack tit for tat and only a few folks that posted they were leaving because of being offended by advice they felt was too harsh. Something about Big-girl panties.

The support has been very helpful. It would have been very unhelpful for others to be pointing out how outlandish my stories about my ILs are. I know they are hard to believe and I was actually singled out on a personal finance site for giving advice using a personal story that was "obviously made-up." I wish.

It is insane they blamed you when they were who are! The truth came out though!

Bsfighter,

Unfortunally, I delete my browser history because of posting here and us being on "the cloud." I don't remember what the sites were called but I randomly found them typing things like "bad inlaws."

On uexpress General advice website, a alarmingly high of regular comment people have no clue on toxic family situations. I don't even read comments anymore following letters about toxic family situations anymore. They may be so blessed in their own life experiences with "family" that they think that people who suffer from the opposite deserve it? They have made comments such as it is always wrong to cut off "faaaaamily." I could go on and on. If someone cuts off family, they are immature and trouble makers even if abuse happened or the inlaws have actively undermined their marriages and or pushed boundaries with grandchildren. Imagine, their advice to any family situation. Yes, it is always the black sheep fault!

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Ruby, I remember what you speak of with the big girl panties comment etc! It was unfortunate but bound to happen from time to time.

Generally, we all know if you ask for feedback and advice you will gain it here

If someone isn't ready to hear the advice and feedback, they should ponder before asking. It feels is a waste of everyone's time to try to help and then have the poster become offended by others good intentions.

Hopefully, the people who left took the many nuggets of wisdom to ponder on though and appreciated the good intentions!

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I have a question.

On the mothers of babies born in March 1997 board that turned into a email group. I was the only one with toxic inlaws. We had baby showers online in chat rooms for each other and everything. They tolerated that I didn't have "happy" base family and inlaw situations until......

Two of the members decided to take up "swinging" open marriages.

One of them mentioned it to me the first time when we met in real life and she said she was willing to swap spouse. Her husband wanted to have sex with me. Awkward. Just awkward. I said no. She was really wanting to have sex with my husband and was openly disappointed. I didn't plan on mentioning it to the group.

Here is where it gets odd. I was suddenly blocked from the group that I had been part of for three years!

I wonder if she didn't worry that I would share it and she would be judged. Instead, she could of said something about me. I will never know.

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Around the same time two different neighborhood dads in social settings hit on me. One tried to kiss me I didn't let it happen. I didn't tell anyone either. His wife never spoke me again. I didn't do anything wrong. Her husband wanted to though!

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The other couple in the neighborhood had a child the age of our oldest. We even shared a Thanksgiving dinner with them and their relatives! The dad tried to hit on me and I didn't let him. Again, I didn't tell anyone about his attempted action but suddenly his wife never spoke to me again.

Then, all the women in the neighborhood never spoke to me again and my children were not invited to birthday parties and we were not even included in the neighborhood picnic!

Odd.

Was cheating / swinging/ open marriages a big thing in the late 90's and early 2000?

If someone husband hits on someone else's wife, what is the woman supposed to do? Is there any way to not have your reputation ruined?

"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou