That Terrifying Mid-Flight Death Wasn't the Start of a Zombie Apocalypse After All

The mysterious death of a passenger during an Aer Lingus flight from Lisbon to Dublin Monday had all the trappings of a zombie scenario. The passenger, identified by Irish authorities as 24-year-old Brazilian man John Kennedy Santos Gurjao, reportedly became "extremely violent" and "ran amok" before biting a fellow passenger. He later became unconscious and died after being restrained by the crew.

A postmortem by Assistant State Pathologist Dr Margot Bolster confirmed John Kennedy Santos Gurjao had ingested around 0.8kg of suspected cocaine in 80 wrapped pellets. One of the pellets burst and he became ill on the flight from Lisbon to Dublin on Sunday.

Dr Bolster took samples for toxicology tests which are expected to confirm the substance is cocaine and if so, the total quantity of drugs found in Mr. Santos Gurjao’s system would have an estimated street value of around €56,000.

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Yikes. But this explanation makes way more sense than a zombie apocalypse (obviously), especially given that a 44-year-old Portuguese woman "who allegedly had four pounds amphetamine on the flight"was detained by local authorities when the plan made an emergency landing in Cork. According to Irelands' RTE, the woman in question "is involved in a number of businesses, including offering herself as a consultant to non-EU residents seeking visas to work and study in Ireland." Boy, does that sound like drug smuggling or what?

At the current exchange rate, that €56,000 in cocaine comes out to just over $63,500. Here's a word of advice to aspiring criminals: If you're going to insist on breaking the law and messing around with international flights, stick to heists instead of insane, rage-inducing drugs in enclosed spaces. My zombie anxiety thanks you.