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Question

Can I have a benefit to raise money so I can have a child? My husband had a vasectomy, and I want to have a baby with him. Our options are to reverse the operation, which would be a waste of time and money, or to extract his sperm and put it into my egg. In-vitro fertilization costs a lot of money. Can I have a benefit to raise money to get this procedure done?

Answer

You can do whatever you like. People raise money for causes ranging from saving the whales to repainting a church bus. If your cause resonates with people, you can probably convince some of them to donate money in support of that cause.

But don’t expect your friends – or even your family – to embrace your idea.

Sometimes you’ll hear about people having a housewarming party after they’ve been in the place for months or a baby shower for their seventh child. For the most part, these look and feel like money grabs.

You two are adults, and you’re running into the costs of trying to circumvent an expensive medical procedure that is designed to be permanent. Would you hold a fund-raiser to buy a car after you totaled your last one? Or for an analogy a bit closer to home, would you solicit money from family and friends to cover the costs of reversing a nose job that didn’t come out like you wanted?

Yes, having a child is an important issue that most people support. And yes, in-vitro fertilization is expensive. But in effect you are baring your personal business in front of your friends and asking them to pay to fix a mistake they didn’t make.

Just save the money and pay for the procedure yourself. It will cost more, but you won’t embarrass yourself, you won’t embarrass your friends, and you won’t look cheap and desperate.

Question

My ex-husband is on welfare, and child support is going after my wages. I’m a single mom with 50/50 custody of my child. My ex has remarried and has another child with his new wife. Today I received a call from child support, saying that my ex is receiving cash aid for both himself and my son, and that I am responsible to pay it back. I am working part time and going to school full time. My ex is self-employed and travels all over the nation for his design firm that he owns and operates illegally (without a license). What should I do at this point? I can’t pay child support and why should I if we split custody anyway?

Answer

First, most jurisdictions do not require businesses to have a license. However, self-employed people with solid incomes are not entitled to collect welfare. You have landed in the middle of an ugly situation, and you need an advocate who will defend your interests.

I’m no lawyer, and I don’t play one on the Internet. The closest I’ll come to legal advice here is to suggest that you hire a lawyer. Money should not be the deciding factor. You probably think you can’t afford a lawyer. But based on the details in your question, it will cost you more not to hire a lawyer than it will to hire one.

If you make a lot more money than your ex-husband, you can indeed be dunned for child support, just as happens to men who make more than their ex-wives. But I can’t fathom why the state would hold you responsible to pay back money because your husband is receiving aid. It sounds as if he’s cheating on his taxes and filing for welfare in an effort to avoid paying you child support, although your question did not state that explicitly. Regardless of the situation, your own lawyer can help you sort this out.

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