Wednesday, September 4, 2013

dance dance revolution

I am looking for a dance class for Wren. When asked what class she wanted to take this year, she said Ballet.

So fine. That's doable.

Jane's taking Tae Kwon Do (of course she is) but that only lasts 3 months and then we might be putting her in whatever program we find for Wren.

So that's a slight complication, but still totally workable.

One would think.

However I have probably put about 8 hours of computer/phone time into this quagmire/land war and see no sign of a happy solution. Here are things that are wrong with every possible dance program we could do in Austin, in no particular order:

- the class descriptor uses the words pole and/or break.

- the class takes place at an absurd time, such as 7:30 on a weeknight. Or classes for my 2 children, separated by 2 years, take place at the same time on different campuses.

- the class costs a billion dollars OR only accepts a lump sum payment at the beginning of the semester (of a billion dollars). No prorating available, obvs.

- which you only find out by calling, waiting, chit chatting about pointe shoes, and then finally, like you're pulling fucking teeth, they will tell you how much it costs. WHICH IS ABSURD, and a waste of everyone's time, because chances are it costs too damn much for me to afford. Whatever lady, thanks for taking the time to tell me on the phone. It's so much more personal. I'm glad you so carefully guarded that secret about how much your business charges for its one product.

- the class requires prerequisite classes, from the age of 4.

- the company has the word Austin in the title but in fact takes place in Circle C, Round Rock, Manor, Lakeway or Elgin. Or downtown Austin at 5:30 which is just as absurd.

- It has the word Vaganova Technique on its curriculum (I don't know what that is but I don't want anyone teaching my daughters about it until college, AT LEAST)

- the dance company has animation or music on its website that you can't turn off. I refuse to do business with anyone that would do that and I certainly won't trust the wellbeing of my child to them.

We've done classes at the JCC before and that works okay except Rosh Hashanah is really early this year, like starts today? I think? And that means we've got Yom Kippur, Sukkot, and Simchat Torah to get through in just the fall semester, not to mention Chanukah, all days when the J is closed for classes obviously, and that's a whole lot of missed ballet classes, you know?

Blergh.

I'm concentrating on this right now so I don't have to think about the looming deadline of next Monday when I start work, and Ben starts.... what exactly? Hanging out at our house for 5 hours solo? I think 'scrambling' is probably the best verb for what we're doing right now. We refer to our small gathering of childcare options by their most depressing qualifiers -- "Well Broccoli Cottage was closest to work, but they were eating greasy lettuce leaves about 2 feet away from the open door where that one kid was pooping..."

Or

"St. Waythefuckfaraway has such a nice playground! It'd be cool if the tuition was only slightly more than HALF my paycheck and not like 90% of it."

BUT WHATEVER. Good problems to have, right? GOOD PROBLEMS. Looking for a dance class for my healthy, strong children with the requisite number of dancing legs among them, all functioning more or less to spec. Looking for childcare because I got a JOB! WOOO! Too blessed to be depressed. That's us. All the damn time.

What is the racket with anything for kids? We're not there yet with activities and child care, but I experienced a similar issue when I started looking into having birthday parties somewhere other than our backyard since we're planning on having a 3 week old baby for Tate's birthday. Guess how much Chucky Cheese costs? About $500. That includes perks like "Evite invitations!" and "Rock Star Mention for Birthday Rock Star!" (???).