Monday, October 08, 2007

A Day With The White House Press Corps, Press Gaggle

Q: When President Bush says, "This government does not torture," isn't that true only because he got Alberto Gonzales to write a secret memo redefining the meaning of torture?

A: Yes. The Constitution grants the power to redefine words to the unitary executive.

Q: You're making that up. That's not in the Constitution.

A: Yes, it is. It's in a secret Article.

Q: But there's no such thing as a -

A: I see you're not wearing your flag lapel pin.

Q: The President says he vetoed SCHIP because it's big-spending socialized medicine. Does that mean the Republicans who voted for it are big-spending socialists?

A: Answering that would only help the terrorists.

Q: What does terrorism have to do with health care?

A: 9/11 changed everything.

Q: Dana, does President Bush agree with Rush Limbaugh that troops who don't support his Iraq policy are phony soldiers?

A: Everyone in America is entitled to our opinion.

Q: Does the President believe he needs to ask Congress for authorization if he wants to use military force against Iran?

A: As the President has said repeatedly, all options are on the table.

Q: But does he think that the Kyl-Lieberman amendment gives him that authority?

A: We appreciate the broad bipartisan support our policy enjoys.

Q: But in a New Yorker article, Seymour Hersh says sources tell him that the Administration is already planning a military strike on Iran.

A: Every few months, Sy Hersh provides us with an excellent argument against a Federal shield law for journalists.

Q: Dana, Minnesota National Guardsmen returning from Iraq have charged that the Pentagon deliberately ordered more than a thousand of them home one day short of the 730 days needed to qualify for full educational benefits under the GI Bill.

Q: The Washington Post quotes a former senior official as saying that "nearly everyone who has left the administration is angry." Is that a fair assessment?

A: If you weren't so busy being Hezbollah's sock-puppet, Helen, you might see how ridiculous that charge is on the face of it. Lester?

Q: Dana, isn't the Democrats' attempt to tie the President's hands in Iraq a blatant interference with the powers of the Commander-in-Chief, not to mention a reminder of Senator Obama's inexperience, Senator Edwards' haircut, MoveOn.org's treason, and Chappaquiddick?