What Your First AIM Screen Name Says About Your Sex Life

If it referenced the sport you played:

If you were a soccergirl959 or bballchik27, you are willing to work hard for great sex. Even if you’re a little tired, you’ll still find the energy to attempt tricky positions that test your endurance. You know that sometimes the best orgasms come from the most surprising (and difficult) angles, although, to you, they’re just part of your weekly routine. Oh, and since you are used to getting up at 5 a.m. for practice, morning sex is no prob for you.

Fox Searchlight Pictures

If it alternated upper and lowercase letters:

ScReEnNaMeS LiKe ThEsE indicate that you don’t take yourself too seriously and like variety in your sex life just as much as in your punctuation. You’re not attached to any one routine and, like Samantha Jones, identify as a trysexual. Another pro you’ve got going for you is that you’re not judgmental and your partner feels like they can really share their fantasies with you. Anyone who has sex with you is very *~*LuCkY*~*.

HBO

If it used a song lyric or band name:

Music is everything to you, and so naturally, it plays a big role in your sex life. You’ve made playlists for every occasion — from heavy metal for rough sex to soft indie jams for a makeout sesh. (You know nothing sets a mood like Drake though.) For you, it’s all about setting the scene, and, OK, also about making sure your roommate doesn’t hear a blessed sound. The point is, you’re a true rock star in bed and you give great music recs. What more could anyone want from a partner?

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If it had the word “honey,” ”baby,” ”sexii,” ”angel,” ”devil,” etc. somewhere in there:

You are damn confident in yourself and you want everyone to know it. To you, sex is a constant celebration and the last thing you’re going to feel is ashamed for enjoying it. You’ve been known to rock wild lingerie from time to time because, damn it, you deserve to feel like a luscious goddess underneath it all. You are the friend who everyone can come to when they think they have their first UTI and you will know exactly what to do.

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If you framed your name with “xx”:

You decided to give your screen name a tasteful little pop with “xx” on either end. This shows you have an eye for patterns, symmetry, and perfection. Similarly, you hold high standards for your sex life. You invest in quality sheets and luxury vibrators, and your room always smells incredible due to your penchant for lighting Anthropologie candles. You’re wise enough to know that taking the extra steps to make your bedroom a sex sanctuary will help both partners really relax and thus enjoy their experience sooooo much more.

Paramount Pictures

If you replaced “S” with “Z”, or “C” with “K”:

If you were someone like KoolChicRulez, it means that you’re not one to follow (spelling) rules and don’t mind disrupting the status quo from time to time. You’re definitely one to get busy in crazy locations, partially because the thrill of getting caught is just too tempting. You own Fifty Shades of Grey on Blu-ray.

Focus Features

If you had major numbers overload:

While your friends would begrudgingly tack their lucky number to the end of their screen name because the one they wanted was already taken, you went HAM with the numbers, typing out enough that you could be sure any attempted hackers would give up pretty quick. You obviously have a great memory, which serves you well in your sex life. You’re the one who will Google elaborate ways to perform a tantric massage or whatever new sex thing is out there, and bring all that knowledge with you to the bedroom. And you take special note when your partner says, “That thing you did was amazing!”

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~*why do they call it a crush? b/c thats how ur hart feelz when they dont feel the same about u*~ ------anonymous

If you used a celebrity crush or fictional reference:

For you, the real world was never enough — your away messages were always full of references to everything from Harry Potter to Moulin Rouge, and if you’re going to be anyone’s baby, it was Billie Joel Armstrong’s. This has translated to how you have sex too, because you just so happen to be really into costumes and role-playing. Whether it’s repurposing an old school uniform or using a med school coat for a sexy doctor scenario, sex with you is always an adventure.

NBC

If your screen name was your nickname with your birth year.

Sure, some people may assume that just because you picked the most standard screen name, your sex life is plain and simple. But it just means you’re a little bit more shy and private. Once you get to know someone, you’re very good at talking through each other’s preferences and are actually highly skilled in the sack because you know communication is key, as is truly feeling comfortable around the other person. The people fortunate enough to date you know that you’re the best sex they’ll ever have in their life, but to everyone else, you remain a little bit of a mystery (in a great way.)

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