Taoism: Shit happens
Confucianism: Confucius say, “shit happens”
Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism: This shit has happened before
Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah
Jehovah's Witness: Let me in, I'll tell you why this shit happens
Protestantism: Hope this shit happens to someone else
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to me?
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it
Agnosticism: What is this shit?
Atheism: I don't believe this shit