Derek Getting Married

In news that led my sister to proclaim, not entirely jokingly, today one of the ten worst of her life, The Post reports that Derek Jeter and Minka Kelly have set a date for their wedding. The story has not been confirmed by Jeter’s people yet, but it does feature some rather creative Page 6-style reporting from Rupert Murdoch’s tabloid.

According to Taylor Vecsey and Brad Hamilton, the two will tie in the knot at Oheka Castle in Huntington on November 5, a few days after a potential Game 7 of the World Series. How the Post got the story makes for a great lesson in tabloid journalism:

Oheka, known for fiercely protecting the privacy of its guests, would not comment. But a Post reporter, posing as a bride-to-be seeking to book a wedding that weekend, was shown a scheduling calendar printout as sales manager Rick Bellando explained that the castle hosts just one wedding per day — and the entire weekend in question was already booked.

A quick peek at the calendar revealed Jeter’s name in big bold letters. When our spy asked if couples were ever open to switching dates for money, Bellando said most were so wealthy, money was not an issue.

Bellando, though, denied that the Jeter in their book is the Jeter we know and love. “Oh, that’s not Derek Jeter. We wouldn’t use his real name if it were,” he said to the Post reporter. “When the Jonas brother got married here last month, we used a different name.”

So take that for what you will. Considering the persistent rumors and Jeter’s advancing age, it wouldn’t be a surprise if the long-time couple were finally gearing up to the tie the knot this fall. It should be make, at least, for one star-studded wedding.

Anyway, if you still have open-thread items to discuss today after two football OTs, feel free to use this one as a free-for-all. The Nets play at 7 p.m., and the Devils’ game is already in progress. We’ll be back in a bit with more juicy tabloid rumors Yankee news and analysis later.

Above: A fan in August congratulates Derek and Minka on their then-rumored engagement. (AP Photo/Kathy Willens)

Putting it like that makes more sense, actually. No, vanilla ice cream isn’t as exciting or as fun as cherry vanilla or rocky road or rum raisin, but think back: Every time you’ve ever had vanilla ice cream, it’s always satisfied.

Reliable. Dependable. Solid. Loyal.

Minka may be a plain and boring girlfriend, but she’ll probably be a great wife. She’ll never nag you about dumb shit. She’ll never get smashed in public and embarrass you in front of your friends. She’ll never get depressed and start overeating and let her figure go.

You’ll have exes who you bump into at the supermarket every once in a while who are just hot jugs of raw sex, but you won’t notice them as much because your vanilla ice cream at home always keeps you happy.

I was guessing you could extrapolate better than me, and I was correct.

JMK aka The Overshare’s Garden Apartment Complex

In theory I agree with all of these things—there’s no reason for Derek to “settle down” with some of the raw sex ice cream flavors—but at the same time, maybe she will be naggy and get smashed. Derek, despite (or in spite) being a seemingly boring walking cliche, hasn’t really ever “settled,” so who knows how each will react to marriage and the spotlight.

JMK aka The Overshare’s Garden Apartment Complex

Having said that,

Minka>>>>>>>>Mariah+Tyra.

Most of those on the list seem like egomaniacs (the above-mentioned two, in addition to Biel, Lima, Dutta), whereas Kelly appears to be a really low-key star.

“Minka may be a plain and boring girlfriend, but she’ll probably be a great wife. She’ll never nag you about dumb shit. She’ll never get smashed in public and embarrass you in front of your friends. She’ll never get depressed and start overeating and let her figure go.”

Honest question… What reason do you have to believe any of these things? Do you know something about Minka Kelly’s personality? Do any of us actually know anything about these people?

And I won’t bother with the Minka vs Tyra comparison, but I vote for Minka being way hotter than Mariah. Mariah’s a total trainwreck. To each his own, though.

Rocky Road Redemption (formerly RAB poster)

Meh, I think it was a joke.

The Honorable Congressman Mondesi

Yeah, I know, thanks, but it’s still interesting that everyone just assumes Minka’s this quiet, boring person who he’s settling down and changing his ways with.

Rocky Road Redemption (formerly RAB poster)

W What I’m saying is I don’t think anybody really thinks that. We just kind of jokingly say that because that’s the impression she gives off since she doesn’t say really stupid shit and isn’t the world’s hottest chick (not that she isn’t pretty).

http://theyankeeu.com Matt Imbrogno

I didn’t think he’d get married until his career was over.

mustang

I was thinking the same thing and that probably would of been the smartest thing to do. But I guess the dog is out of him.

mustang

Or it better be.

Reference: ” T. Woods”

LOL

http://twitter.com/riddering Riddering

Oh no Jeter’s going to retire after this year.

Alert the media!

OldYanksFan

Christ… now he will have to buy this bitch some expensive wedding shit. That’s gonna cost the Yankees big. I’d say 4/$100m.

henry frisch

I believe the venue may well have been the model for F. Scott Fitzgerald’s rendition of Gatsby’s estate in The Great Gatsby. It is a very impressive place.

Crazy Eyes Killa

It’s not, the story takes place a little closer to the city. The west and east eggs are kings point and sands point respectively.

henry frisch

No one can say with certainty which places are meant to be the eggs. Lots of people have long insisted that he means Great Neck and Little Neck. The nature of Long Island’s coast line makes it as likely that no real place is meant even though the novel is famously meticulous in many of its details. The Washington Heights apartment, for example, where Myrtle is kept by Buchanan does not fit geographically with Fitzgerald’s reference to a park nearby.

According to Taylor Vecsey and Brad Hamilton, the two will tie in the knot at Oheka Castle in Huntington on November 5, a few days after a potential Game 7 of the World Series.

randym77

Where’d they get that info?

MLB.com doesn’t have the postseason schedule posted yet, but Wikipedia says game 7 will be Nov. 4. (I could swear it said Nov. 5 before, but perhaps I was mistaken.)

Anyway, that seems to be pretty tight scheduling, if it’s true. Rainouts, terrorist attacks – it wouldn’t be unprecedented for the Series to be delayed.

Rocky Road Redemption (formerly RAB poster)

Clearly baseball comes before Derek’s fiancee.

Remember, Derek has the intangibles. He sets his priorities straight. Games played by grown men will clearly be valued over the love of his life. If there’s a game 7 the wedding will just have to be rescheduled.

randym77

LOL.

If I ever get married, I will make sure it’s on a date that will never conflict with the World Series. I don’t want to be standing around in some church or making small talk over canapes while the WS is going on. I don’t want people to have choose between a wedding and a WS. And most importantly, I don’t want my freakin’ anniversary to conflict with the Series in future years.

http://www.secondavenuesagas.com Benjamin Kabak

Wikipedia once told me China was a country in Africa.

Rocky Road Redemption (formerly RAB poster)

I think mythbusters tested Wikipedia and found it to be about as accurate as any other resource. You have to remember that they’re self-correcting and normally fix themselves very quickly. Like the article I looked up on automobiles no longer says that they were originally used by the Flintstones and powered by feet. It’s fixed now. (BTW, both the mythbuster story and the Flintstone story are true).

randym77

True. I wonder if they’re just guessing, based on last year.

Opening day this year is only one day earlier than opening last year. So with Game 7 last year possibly on Nov. 5, it’s reasonably to assume that Game 7 this year will be Nov. 4.

Though that might not be the case, since more than the calendar is involved.

Still, since there has been no schedule announced, it seems the Post is pulling things out of their butt by saying Nov. 5 will be a few days after the World Series ends. There’s no way to know that at this point.

And I really would expect “Mr. November,” of all people, to build a little more leeway into the schedule.

JMK aka The Overshare’s Garden Apartment Complex

I was the mayor of Burlington, VT for a whole week. I still consider putting it on my resume every now and then.

putt

FWIW, according to a speaker from Apple I saw last year at a workshop, incorrect info lasts an average of 13 seconds on wikipedia.

http://www.secondavenuesagas.com Benjamin Kabak

MLB hasn’t announced the postseason schedule yet for 2010, but based up on when the season ends, the World Series will not still be on come November 5.

JMK aka The Overshare’s Garden Apartment Complex

Yeah, I bet tons of Jeters are booking weddings at an extremely exclusive castle resort. Tons.

This was the smart play by derek. Look, the fact of the matter is his “celeb” value is on its way down, swan song if you will. The other girls he dated in his past are in his past, and doesn’t mean he can get them now or when he retires. Once he’s done playing as a Yankee, his celeb status will take on dive. He’s striking while the iron’s relatively hot.

pat

Dunno about that man. Derek Jeter’s pimpdom is eternal.

pat

I’m disgusted this reporter went through all this trouble to basically invade Jeter’s privacy. Fuck that.

Woodward: Hey, Carl, I think I’m making some real headway here on this massive campaign contributions for Supreme Court Justice nominations story. I can implicate numerous big business leaders and several high-level pols from both sides of the aisle.
Bernstein: Nevermind that shit, Bob. I’m gonna fly down to Cabo, dress up like a Mexican maid, and spy on Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom on their honeymoon and see if their marriage is real or just a publicity stunt. You in?
Woodward: OH YOU FUCKIN KNOW I AM, BROSEPH!!!(high five)

Ways to not be a schmuck at a baseball game:
A) Don’t bring a sign.
B) If you do bring a sign, for fuck’s sake, don’t bring a sign that says “Congrats, (Player X) and (Player X’s wife/girlfriend/fianceé)”
C) Don’t be from Boston

Rocky Road Redemption (formerly RAB poster)

If I go to a game ever, I’m bringing a sign. I will let Mo decide what it says.

http://theyankeeu.com Matt Imbrogno

Why did I just waste the last minute and a half watching The Cleveland Show?

pat

That show is an utter trainwreck.

Hobs

The intro song is great though.

Steve H

Wasn’t Aaron Rodgers end of game “fumble” really an interception? Had the ball hit the ground, I think that would (or should) have been called back on review. That was absolutely the tuck rule revisited. His arm was going forward and he was bringing it back to his body to “tuck” back in, he wasn’t about to make a throw. Good thing that the ball never hit the ground and was, in my mind, intercepted. As a Pats fan, I consider myself a tuck rule expert, it’s a bad rule, but was correctly interpreted in the Snow Bowl, and had the ball hit the ground today, I think would have been called again.

JM

I LIVE IN HUNTINGTON!I remember going to the castle so much for the 4th of July and stuff. THAT IS SO AWESOME! DJ is getting married in my town in one of my favorite places when i was younger.

November 5th, 2010 is a Friday. If the Yanks were to win the World Series, that’s a very likely date for the parade to be held. This past year’s parade was held on a Friday, and IIRC all the previous Yankee parades were on Fridays as well. I doubt Jeter would schedule something with such an obvious potential conflict. Is he going to plan in advance on going to the Yankee parade in the afternoon and get married that evening? Sounds like cutting it too close to me.

http://www.secondavenuesagas.com Benjamin Kabak

I think the article said that the wedding is scheduled for that weekend. The 5th would be the night of the rehearsal dinner, and there is plenty of time to get from a morning parade to dinner in Huntington.

http://www.theyankeeuniverse.com/ Nostra-Artist

OK, then that sounds doable. Maybe he would want to do it while his teammates are all still in town, before everyone has cleaned out their lockers. So the quick turnaround could make sense for him.

randym77

The date seems suspect to me, too. If this year is anything like last year, Game 7 would be Nov. 4. If there’s a rainout, it could be even later. Seems like it’s cutting it awfully close.

Though maybe Jeter wanted to have it while everyone was still in town?

http://www.secondavenuesagas.com Benjamin Kabak

Nov. 4 is more than 32 days after the regular season ends. Baseball is not going to allow that to happen again.

randym77

I dunno. As the Times pointed out, there’s a reason the schedule is the way it is. They don’t want to play ratings-grabbing games on low-viewership days like Fridays and Saturdays. The season is longer than it was in the old days. They want to be able to accommodate multi-day rainouts in both the playoffs and the World Series.

I would think if they were serious about no November games, they would start the season earlier. There’s no WBC this year, so it would be possible.

http://www.secondavenuesagas.com Benjamin Kabak

Selig also said he would work to improve the pacing of the playoffs. I really hope it doesn’t stretch on into November again this year even if the constant rest allowed the Yanks to use just 3 pitchers for their 15-game run through October.

randym77

Me, too, actually. The pacing was a drag. And even though it helped the Yanks, I didn’t like the fact that teams could get by with only three pitchers.

But since the reasons for stretching the season out are financial, well, I wouldn’t be surprised to see November baseball again this year.

http://www.theyankeeuniverse.com/ Nostra-Artist

Though maybe Jeter wanted to have it while everyone was still in town?

I just posted the same thing above. That sounds likely, so the date would make sense for that reason. Not that professional ballplayers can’t afford a plane ticket, but it’s just convenient for everyone.

Victoria

In 1995, when I was in second grade, I was watching a baseball game on TV with my dad and whenever a certain player was shown on camera, I kept asking him, “Who’s that?” and the answer kept being Derek Jeter. From that moment on I was in love with Derek, which is pretty remarkable considering that I was 9 years old and which, more importantly, means all the other NY women obviously followed me, since I was on the Jeter train so early on.

– aforementioned sister of Ben

-girlfriend of Ben and fairweather baseball fan

Well, luckily for you and the women of NY – the divorce rate in this country is climbing (http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/n…..r56_12.pdf)…you can still have a glimmer of hope ;)

Victoria

I’m planning to lock it up before they get married so they won’t have to go through a divorce and will only have to call off the wedding (or not call it off and just change the bride).

Remember to return the mop to the bucket frequently. Jizz dries and hardens cotton fibers quickly, and if your mophead crusts up, you’ll never be able to get the gunk off the glass at all the booths before your shift is over.

http://theyankeeu.com Matt Imbrogno

Dante Hicks: You ever notice how all the prices end in nine? Damn, that’s eerie.
Randal Graves: [reading a magazine] You know how much money the average jizz-mopper makes per hour?
Dante Hicks: What’s a jizz-mopper?
Randal Graves: He’s the guy that cleans up the nudie booths after each guy jerks off.
Dante Hicks: Nudie booth?
Randal Graves: Yeah, nudie booth. You’ve never been in a nudie booth?
Dante Hicks: Guess not.
Randal Graves: Oh man, it’s great. You go into this booth and there’s this glass between you and these chicks, and they put on a show for you for like 10 bucks.
Dante Hicks: What kind of a show?
[Customer walks up to counter with a bottle of glass cleaner and a roll of paper towels]
Randal Graves: Think of the weirdest, craziest shit you’d like to see chicks do. I mean, these chicks do it all. They insert things into any opening on their body – *any* opening.
Dante Hicks: Can we not talk about this now?
Randal Graves: The jizz-mopper’s job is to clean it up after each guy shoots a load, ’cause practically everybody does it right on the window. I don’t know if you know this or not, but cum leaves streaks if you don’t clean it right away.
Offended Customer: I will never come to this place again!
Dante Hicks: Excuse me?
Offended Customer: Using filthy language in front of the customers, you both should be fired!
Dante Hicks: Oh, I-I’m sorry, I-I guess we kinda got carried away.
Offended Customer: Well, I-I don’t know if sorry can make up for it. You’ve highly offended me.
Randal Graves: Well, if you thinks that’s offensive, check this out!
[Shows him graphic picture from porn mag]
Randal Graves: I think you can see her kidneys!