I can’t tell any of my friends this for fear of it getting back to him so I found this place to vent. Maybe by letting it out into the universe beyond my own head I won’t ruin my life with this.

Long story short, I am going to cheat on my boyfriend. I can’t stop thinking about women (a particular woman actually) and I feel like maybe this desire can be purged, so I can move on with my life. I love him, he’s my best friend and the only person who has ever loved me so much, but I feel like I’m going to burst. The only way I can get off by myself anymore is by fantasizing about her, and our last time together.

For a year I’ve felt ashamed and disgusted with myself for even the thoughts, but I can’t take it anymore. It’s nothing on his end, he’s basically perfect. I’m going crazy. When we’re together it’s amazing and I’m happy and in love but when we’re not, I’m as gay as can be.

A girl I hooked up with a couple of years ago is back in town and wanted to meet up. I need to be sure if I miss women in general or if I’m just sick and missing a person who never wanted me (for more than sex anyhow). I’m so ashamed.