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Thursday, May 6, 2010

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Sure, we could spend time debating who's really to blame: the bakers, or the clients who ordered these wrecktastic designs.

Or we could just agree they're funny regardless and get on with it.

Yep, that's the ticket.

Yet another example of why you really, really need to give your guy his own groom's cake:

And make sure your napkins coordinate.

There are a million decisions to be made for your wedding day. Fortunately, though, you don't have to choose between your wedding topper, football helmet, resin "eagles raising the American flag" statue, and commemorative KISS doodads:

Notice how the eagle cake doesn't match the others?(No, I don't have anything snappy to say about that. Just seeing if you noticed.)

Bride: "I've been dreaming about my wedding cake since I was a little girl. It has to be amazing, perfect. When my guests see it, I want there to be fireworks. Can you do that?"

Baker: [scribbling on clipboard] "Fireworks. Got it."

To be fair, there were more toothpick spriggy things - but that was before the mini wiener dogs were served.

Also, I never would have thought that muted gray-tone Lladro topper would go with an "exploding ticker tape parade in Rio" design...

...but, wouldn't you know it? I was right.

Look, I love Renaissance Fairs, I really do. I even love that this couple got married at one. However, this?

This doth make mine bowels quiver in a most unseemly matter, m'lords and ladies. For sooth.

I was married on the 4th of July, but I made absolutely sure that my wedding cake looked like it could be served on any day, not just July 4th. Still, you gotta love the level of patriotism they attempted to reach.

this blog is always the perfect way to start the day! I start out with a chuckle that by the end of the post is a full on hearty laugh often with tears running down my cheeks (from mirth of course!)...Keep up the good work!

The cakes are funny on their own but your comments make them hilarious! Thank you for another giggle this morning. Why do people not look at the background when taking cake photos? There always seems to be a door, light switch, cement wall, trash can, or fan behind the cake table!

#1 I don't know what disturbs me more: the color clash of the pink lilies, pale topper, bold blue and green napkins, red dune buggy on a brown mud track, the fact that a dune buggy is racing up the side of the cake, which sort of makes it look like the groom is about to tip the bride over a cliff, or the defiance of gravity on the part of the dune buggy?

#2 does the bride just get one tier? or she is a big football or Kiss fan, too? or is the Kiss crap supposed to be "romantic" (as in kisses and hugs?) *shudder* very scary. but the red roses "soften" the effect. (I generally hate these floating tier things. they're so weird.)

#3: love the dialogue, Jen. could totally see that happening. And the cake looks ridiculous. maybe it was a fourth of July weekend wedding?

#4: looks totally unappetizing. you've had so many Sunday Sweets that would have fit this theme, but moldy, cracked mud is icky. looks airbrushed too. big vines springing from it...I'm waiting for an ROUS.

#5: WHY DOES THE CAKE HAVE WARTS?? (at least it's color coordinated, sinking into the pool of blue. must be a memorial day/labor day/4th of July wedding.)

These cakes are awesome and inspiring! I just found your blog and I am already a fan! I love the idea of purposely "messed up" cakes. Though I'm nowhere near as talented yet, please feel free to check out my baking blog: nikkiscakery.blogspot.com

I'm going to sign up as your follower so I can look back on the rest of your work and stay tuned in for what's next.

Oh man... I feel so bad for whoever came up with these designs - baker or client! (though the 1st one made me laugh) What terrible ideas and executions! I'd like to meet the one with fireworks though... "You want what? Fireworks on your cake? Can't you just have them in the air like most sane people? Ohhh, you saw it on Ace of Cakes... riiiight... they were real, you know..."

Come to think of it... these cake shows (AoC, Cake Boss, and the Challenges) should be restricted "Not to be watched by anyone stuck for ideas for their wedding cake, those who are too literal, or those with a complete lack of taste."

Today's photos make me think that custom wedding cakes should be banned by law. The cakes themselves (except for the RenFair monstrosity) are well done - it's the designs/toppers/themes/flotsum that make them wrecks. The Sam Eagle cake without the flags and cascading ribbons is quite nice.

What do you suppose people will say when they are looking at wedding albums 20 years from now and come across these .. um .. works of art? It's like looking at prom photos from 20 years ago!

I actually really, really like the fireworks one. But NOT as a wedding cake, and NOT with that topper.It would be a lot of fun for New Year's eve, July 4th, Guy Fawkes day, Mardi Gras, anything but a wedding...

Sadly, where I'm from people would love the rebel flag cake and their number one concern would be making sure the flag didn't get dirty. They'd also totally notice the wonky tiers, but they'd be to nice to mention it because there's a good chance someone's meemaw made that cake. *sigh* I am surrounded by rednecks.

I love how the stock cake topper used for both the four-tier (can you call them tiers when they are not actually stacked, or even the same cake?) and the America cake looks like a mermaid got hitched to Jessica Rabbit.

I dunno, I quite like the "woodland fairy" one. Although I would have picked different fairies. Those were kind of creepy.

Also I don't mind the patriotic cake so much. It would have been nicer without the flags sticking in it though. Totally apropos for a military wedding (and being engaged to a Marine, this was the first thing I thought of).

I actually think that the renaissance one is really well done. Why is it a Wreck? Ha! Just kidding. Looks like fairies in Poop World.

Also, the last one seems pretty appropriate, horrific as it is. The cake is lopsided, which is as much as you could expect for a cake that will be plopped in front of an ancient, no-frills wooden porch, as are the Fleur de Lys designs that kinda look like the birds we all used to draw in pictures when we were five years old. The rebel flag draping the table seems like it totally fits - that's all I'm saying.

The people who bought that second cake(s) must suffer from an almost total inability to make decisions (in addition to their complete lack of taste).

As for the last one ... are you sure that was a wedding cake, and not a dessert at the awards dinner for a Civil Ware re-enactors' society's fishing tournament?And anyway, where do you get molded figurines of bass jumping above Confederate battle flags? ... No, don't answer that, now that I think about it, I'd rather not know.

Left little cake-eagle to the other little cake-eagle: "Hey, bruvver -- this is FUN! The frosting's all cool and squishy-like! (Squawk!)Right little cake-eagle (looking up at bigger eagle): "DAD! My frikkin FEET are STUCK! Get us OUTTA of this dump! This place is CREEPY the decorations SUCK." Big eagle: "I'd be happy to do that, Son; I'm just waiting for that fan to oscillate my way so I can catch an updraft!" *flap*flap*flap*

Sorry, I think you missed the point. All wedding cake tiers shoudl be like 4" of cake. Each individual tier shoudl be the same height as the others (Okay, there are designs that you have a double tier, but the proportion would still be the same). These seem to vary in height. i think the baker needed to lay them all down and level them to the same height (IF they know how to level!)

I don't think the fireworks cake is that bad. Not great, but it is cheerful...except for the topper.

The fairy cake is waaaaaay too earthy. Eeew. Is that tree an actual frosting covered branch?

I like the "It's a tribute to all nations, but mostly America." cake.

The last one. o.O My..my... You could snarkily speculate on bottles of JD in the kitchen, but we all know it's just a normal wreckinator day at work. Too bad the cake wasn't composed of kegs of well aged Tennessee whiskey instead...or a still, huh?

About the firework cake- the sad thing is- this person has talent-the buttercream is smooth and they own an airbursh- hey, the fireworks don't look bad themselves- now- does the person have taste? Maybe the bride forced them to do it.

What is this about "groom's" cake. I've never seen anything like them before visiting your site. Well, I've seen a lot of firsts there LOL! Really LOL! Do people still serve grooms cake (fruit cake) wrapped in whatever to place beneath one's pillow - to dream on? No, I am not 300 years old. Norine

Odd-- but to me, the Rebelneck cake has the feelin' of bein' on a boat or sumpin, 'cause the backgroun' looks (TO ME) more like a PIER than a porch. ...An they's jest pullin' up to it with the cake, what they jest picked up down to the little riverside quick stop convenience store. They's so frenly down there, why, they'll whip you up a weddin' cake while you wait, if'n they don't already have one out back. Real naace folks. Uh huh.=^-.-^=

Oh lord. I did get married on the Fourth of July last year, and we did have firework designs on our cake, but ours looked downright subtle compared to these. I admit to being a bit anxious when ordering the cake because by that time I was a devoted follower of this blog, but everything turned out great. :)

The last cake, all I noticed was the leaning tiers until my wife mentioned how the confederate flags were a bit over the top. I grew up in the south, so a confederate bass cake seems fitting. She grew up in Utah.

Norine,A grooms' cake here in the south is usually a separate cake served at the rehearsal dinner or wedding reception, with a nod to the groom's hobby or something. Most that I see/make are chocolate with fruit, or the groom's favorite kind of cake :)

Cake #4 looks as if it has something to do with A Midsummer Night's Dream, perhaps. But as much as I like Shakespeare, there's no way I'm eating those squiggly mounds of greenish-black icing. Shrek would love that cake.

What *kind* of person would seal the deal with one of these wrecks?! Betty Crocker ala Publix turns out better. How does a baker stand back and look at one of these cakes and think "Done!" :) And how do brides across America place these cakes on adorned places of honor and think "Perfect!"; unless it's a shock to them, too.

I guess it's just me, but it looks like that SUV's trying to get up under the bride's skirt. Sort of like that whole trashy thing some couples do where the groom has to go up under the bride's gown and take off the garter with only his teeth...

The second cakes would be a wreck even without the separate toppers. Lousy piping and why is the icing stippled like the popcorn ceilings?! The toppers are actually an improvement...

The third one looks like painted styrofoam to me. Ugh. It's also slightly lopsided.

The patriotic one... clearasil ! Love it. Does make me wonder if that's a weird commentary on patriotism, America or something...?? Plus, removing those ribbons to slice the cake will be a mess. And I hope those ribbons were washed before applied...

The last one. I guess the fact that the table's lopsided relative to that wooden deck just says everything.

It's sad when the RenFair one is the best of the bunch. At least it looks edible!!

Hubby & I got married at a Renaissance Festival, I promise our cake looked NOTHING like that monstrosity. I have pictures to prove it! I also have pictures of a group of wenches catching my bouquet :D Ah, but I digress.

I would have just gone all KISS with the one cake, since I am a member of the KISS army. Those letters are actually stands for the four dolls of the band members. I have them sitting above me right now!

Thanks Beth - I think. So, does the South hold some special place in wedding **** (you fill in the word) for such things as grooms' cakes? Or are mainly Southerners getting married these days - or... give me some other perspective, as these are just so egregious that they are a natural for the CakeWrecks site. I'm having a complete cultural breakdown as a city girl Northwesterner, and I cannot stop watching. I think we need to start submitting totem pole cakes for equal time/space, and I, of course, think totem poles are really cool, but maybe not for a wedding cake - Norine

Just remember that not everyone from the South is a Confederate-flag-waving redneck. =) They do exist (I may be related to some of them) but I would say Southerners are the same as most folks. Maybe a tad friendlier, which some people might think is weird.

That said, I went to an indoor swap meet while visiting my dad once (he lives in Florida) and oh, dear. I think the 'Rebel Bass' cake topper (for sure the Stars and Bars 'table drape') might have been for sale there.

My love for cake is exceeded only by my love for my husband, who's been mine for 39 years today. But we didn't have a wedding cake. Of any kind. So all of these wrecks? They're ever so much tastier than air, even if they exhibit no taste. Sigh...

I never got to actually make it, but I once had a preliminary order for a wedding cake torn up on one side with godzilla having "climbed" up the cake to the top. The first one reminded me of that order right away!

1. Sam the eagle's cake has the same cake topper as the "kiss, football, eagle cake. 2. the last one? OMG I think that's the "grooms" cake and those are supposed to be fish hooks. I'm sure "Free Bird" played at the reception.

The fireworks cake is the only one that is alright, in my opinion maybe not as a wedding cake but eh..... the cake topper is only appropriate if you're marrying the flukeman from X-Files. (sigh) (- _ -)

Excellent - I remember when Callie first emailed me a picture of that cake and I was astounded. People love their football down here, and people often put that on their groom's cakes, but some people are just a little more, um - shall we say "enthusiastic" - than others :-D

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