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Thursday, February 21, 2013

Well, I'm just going to start typing. Because you have to begin somewhere. Writing a birth story three years after writing the birth story is interesting. My, how we change over time. And yet really, I'm still the same girl. The one who started dreaming of being a mama when she was barely big enough to hold a baby. The one who held giant spaces in her heart reserved for three beautiful children, and she didn't even know it. The one who possesed a multitude of strengths that would stretch and grow throughout the years, guiding her through challenges, pulling her toward victories, and always always pushing her towards a greater love.

First, I'll preface this by saying that writing the stories of my babies' welcomings is done freely. I didn't reread or edit my girls' before posting, and this will follow suit. I write. I write and I write and I write, and whatever falls onto this screen gets published. Love and honesty without censoring is how I like my kids' birth stories to be preserved. A bit has changed on this blog since I wrote Nella's birth story. More readers, more hearts, more stories, more scrutiny, more perceptions, but I'd like to believe--and I do--ultimately...more love. For our families and our children and our unique journeys. I think that's all I have to say about that.

There are scribbles of precious unshared moments from my children's births that are hidden in baby books, and there are parts of these chapters--also precious--that I share. It is a common thread that runs through the tapestry of motherhood--all kinds of mamas, hundreds of thousands of unique and beautiful children, miles of earth that separate us, cultures and beliefs and families that identify us--but each of our children has a story of how they were welcomed.

This is Dashel's.

A Little Story to BeginLast year, Brett's Grandma Betty passed away on May 25th. She didn't say much the last couple days before she died, but she had a few moments where she asked some interesting questions, according to Brett's dad. "Who are the people in the mirror?" was one. And another..."Who's the baby?" Brett's dad asked "What baby?," and all she replied was, "There's a baby." A month later, we found out we were expecting. Grandma Betty would have celebrated her 91st birthday last week, on February 13th. She always wished she was born a day later...on Valentine's Day.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

I felt a deep desire for this baby shortly after Nella was born. I wanted this baby for Nella, for Lainey, for us, for a lot of reasons really. But it didn't happen like I planned (hello life lesson #242--I think I'm finally gettin' this one). A couple miscarriages and then crickets for almost a year--until I self-therapy'ed myself into a very good place of peace and acceptance and moving on. I was thankful for my two girls and so very aware that we can't control a lot of things in life...but we can be happy. If it happened, it happened.

And then we went on the best vacation of our lives last year--a road trip to Michigan where Wanderlust and Relaxation traded hands at the wheel and drove the ship together for three weeks. I felt so presently aware of how much my family makes me happy. Even in the car, after seven hours of driving when the girls were shot, there was us. And for three weeks the four of us were together, walking the busy streets of Chicago, scouring Lake Michigan for smooth stones, fishing from the edge of the dock by our cottage. I had no idea that the four of us was really five of us until I snuck into the tiny bathroom of Glenn's grocery store in Lewiston, Michigan to take a pregnancy test. When I screamed, the four cousins who were standing outside started banging on the door. When I let them in, we tightly huddled, shared a group hug, jumped up and down and took a picture in the blurry mirror above the dirty sink. We called the baby "Squirt" because we went back to the cottage for a toast, and among the clinks of Coors Light glass bottles, there was a tinny tap of one soda can, my Squirt.

I waited until we heard a heartbeat, until we made it through a couple of "this one's going to make it" ultrasounds before I let it sink in. And while I thought I wanted another girl because girls are what I know, I had no idea that what I really wanted was a boy. Sometimes you don't know you want these things until fate picks them for you. And then you're thankful that you don't get to make all your own choices because that would be kind of selfish and boring, and you'd never get to experience your secret wants--the ones only fate knows.

A boy. My son.

My water broke last Thursday morning. I went in for a quick appointment to check on everything and was sent straight to the hospital with nothing but my purse. That's what Heidis are for. They pick up husbands and baby bags and cameras and everything you need for once-in-a-lifetime experiences.

I spent an hour alone in the birth room before anyone arrived. We chose a different hospital for this birth--a half hour away and close to the Isles of Capri. I loved the peaceful environment, the view, and that calm hour I spent alone with the comforting sound of my boy's heart, transmitted in a constant stream of ba-bum, ba-bum, ba-bum from the monitors strapped around my very large middle. I wasn't nervous or scared or anxious, just present.

One of my favorite things from all my births? The warming bed--the tiny diaper and bulb syringe and stretchy striped hat that's laid out for my baby--the one who's still inside me. There's always this gripping moment of reality when I see those three items. They represent the transformation that's about to happen--that the baby I've dreamed of and felt move and imagined holding is moments away from being real, from being placed in that diaper and dressed in that hat and placed in my arms. That realization has made me cry for all three births. "Send me a picture of the empty crib," my sister texted. It's important, that moment.

Brett and Heidi arrived along with a little surprise--Nella came too. I got to hug her as my baby one last time before Brett ran her home to his mom for a nap.

And then several hours of this incredibly significant time. Baby prepares, Mama prepares. Our room felt full of love--music and candles, favorite things from home, stories with friends and my husband who was very nervous and cautious. I didn't realize until after Dash was born just how nervous he was this time.

And the pain increased. "Tell me if you want an epidural," the nurses said, and I made note of the fact that they estimated half an hour for the anesthesiologist's arrival. I knew I'd probably want one eventually--I had one with the girls--but I also wanted to breathe through some contractions. I wanted to feel as much of this birth, as crazy as that sounds, as I could.

Pre-drugs, your pain is monitored only by your own perception of contractions, on a scale of 1 to 10. "That was a four," I started off reporting. Then four built to five, five to six, and by seven, I had invented a brilliant pain management plan. Instead of moaning or cursing, you yell celebrities' names--obscure ones--the more interesting, the better. I admit I stole this from Steve Carell in Forty Year Old Virgin when he screamed "Kelly Clarkston" during a chest wax. But I can honestly say, shouting "BOB HOPE!" and "FLORENCE HENDERSON!" pulled me through the dooziest of doozies. And Heidi snapping "Oh my God, you can do better than that" makes you laugh; and when you laugh, Contraction-of-an-8 feels like Contraction-of-a-3. Which is good, contractionally speaking.

Somewhere near breaking point, we said that thing you say to make it feel better: "Just think, he's going to be here soon, and everything's going to be perfect." That's when I let myself honestly confront my fears. I cried--not for long, but long enough. Because I remembered saying those same words moments before Nella was born. And even though everything turned out fine--more than fine--I like to listen to these feelings and to fears and to everything that hums within. My last birth and my present birth shared a bridge for a short moment, and I felt the depth of those beautiful moments again which is exactly what propelled me to the place I needed to be when they told me that my boy was ready to come out.

Oh, and the epidural? I finally asked for one. And got it. But his head was too big and down too far, so it didn't work. Even after two "refills" and a billion clicks of that clicky thing they give you to administer your own boost. I actually think the clicky thing is for purely psychological reasons now because even when I knew it wouldn't give me anything, it felt really good to click the bejesus out of it during a bad contraction.

So they say "You're ready. Time to push." And right now I can close my eyes and remember everything about what happens when they say that. How the room suddenly shifts as nurses excitedly prepare; how the ligthing changes; how the faces of your friends suddenly express more love as if that's possible; how your husband holds your hand so tight, you can feel his fear through his grip, and if you've ever wondered how much he loves you, you have a pretty good idea by the way he looks at you; how you start crying and can't stop--a little bit because it hurts but a lot because you know that you're about to meet your baby and mere seconds separate you from one of the single greatest, most love-filled moments of your life.

They told me to push. And I did, crying "Am I supposed to feel all of this?" through all of it. I remember holding Brett's hand so so tightly and feeling like he had such strong safe hands. I remember him telling me I was doing a really good job. I remember the pain. I remember the comfort of my friends and hearing them cry and feeling lucky to share moments like this with people I love so very much. I remember my doctor and her kindness, her gentle instructions and feeling safe and comfortable with her in charge. And in hindsight, I'm glad the epidural didn't work so good. Because I felt my son make his way into the world.

Oh to go back and have that moment again. The euphoric moment of seeing him held high, pink and perfect and crying. Reaching out my arms in the most desperate grasp to hold him, and finally feeling the weight of his body and drawing him to my face where I could kiss him. Skin to skin, we connected. He cried one good hearty cry while I sobbed steadily but smiled. Beamed. I kissed his nose and made note that it was cold--colder than the rest of him. And we fell in love, my son and me.

*My friends Heidi and Laura once again captured our sweet first moments

The nurses took him only for a moment, but my eyes didn't leave him.

Dr. Clements, our wonderful doctor who helped bring this boy into the world

Brett asked about fifteen times "Is he okay? Are you sure? Is she okay? Are you sure?" But I knew the moment he let go and breathed in the relief that everything was okay. He was suddenly calm and elated while together, we welcomed our boy.

Sweet Baby Dash. He blink-blink-blinked just like the girls did, taking in the first lights and sounds of his new world. He clearly responded to our voices, even stretching and reaching back towards Brett when Daddy hummed his first hello. "Did you see that?" I asked Brett. He was smiling radiantly. "Yes."

These moments? I have them forever. These are the ones I'll go back to both when things are rough and when life feels glorious. When parenting is hard, when years replace days in separating me from the moment he arrived, when I don't have the answers and he's not tiny and I'm not the one and only thing he needs for survival, I'll remember what it felt like to be handed my son--how quickly and deeply that love began, and I'll find perspective hidden in these memories.

Later that evening, Brett returned home to our girls while I paid no heed to the things they tell you about resting that first night. I can't sleep. I want to stare at him and study everything about him. I want to talk about babies and life and begin tallying up the hilarious moments during the birth that we knew would be shared later. So Heidi and I whispered for hours by candlelight and Bon Iver and ate chocolates and roasted almonds while Dash got kissed and snuggled.

I talked about how different it felt from Nella's birth--how nice it was not to be crying and scared and yet strangely, I admitted that part of me actually missed the memory of those painful, precious moments after her birth. It's hard to explain.

We finally slept a few hours, Dash's little cradle cart pulled perfectly parallel to my bed so that when I opened my eyes, I could see his face; I could reach over and touch the cold nose that I had kissed for the first time just hours before.

Everything felt so incredibly calm. The evening, the next morning, the trail of visitors, Brett's voice on the phone when he called to take food orders and let me know the girls were on their way. Calm and sunny--a giant picture window framed our room and poured a constant stream of sunshine throughout the day.

one of my favorite photos from the hospital, taken by my friend Monica, from her phone

For both girls' births, there were so many specific things I had planned for and remember happening, and this time around I was in a happy haze, observant in a different way of the events around me. Relaxed, receptive.

I didn't cry when the girls met their brother but rather smiled and sat calmly on the bed, watching them, marveling at the fact that it seemed so meant to be--like he'd always been here and they'd always loved him.

Babies who suck their fingers are funny

*Thank you to my father-in-law who took all the beautiful photos of the girls welcoming their new brotherBrett's dad who shares Dash's middle name

Curious sisters watch his hearing test

Lainey and I shared some very special hours together in the hospital. After a stream of visitors left, we decided to let Lainey stay alone with me and Dash for a little bit while Brett took Nella home for a nap. I know she'll never forget those moments. We veered from our nursing routine for one feeding to give her the opportunity of giving him a bottle, something she had talked about a lot before he was born. Watching that? Well, that one made me cry. Such a quiet bonding experience between little brother and his second mama--a relationship that has captivated me this week in way I hadn't anticipated.

I love the hospital moments. I love that for every second I'm there, it feels special, like a vacation--the one where a new baby is welcomed and mamahood is celebrated. And being that this was my last mamahood hospital vacation, my heart was raw. I remembered each of my children's stories--how they were welcomed, how the moments in that hospital were spent.

His coming home outfit, crocheted by my mama; and that's a yawn, not a cry

Saturday evening, as we packed up and gathered all the memory tokens from the room before we headed home, I held back tears and turned around once more before we left. Room 11, added to the Hall of Fame. I thanked the sacred space for the memories it delivered. Another birth story written. Another soul to love. And he's ours to take home.

I can't believe it's been a week. I've succumbed to a few normal postpartum blues breakdowns this week--just wanting to stop time, wanting to go back to that day, wanting to preserve that memory as long as I can--hence the hospital bracelets still hugging my wrist and the playlist from his birth continuously repeated. I am trying to balance my sentimental heart with the one that embraces reality and understands that the present is the most important time. Not yearning for the past, not needlessly anticipating the future. Just living right now, in this moment.

So, we're doing that.

Something about the juxtaposition of a big strong teenage boy holding a tiny fragile one completely melts me.

*Another favorite photo. How inventive this girl is in finding ways to get to him. Unlike another moment earlier this week, this one didn't involve a pointer stick between the crib slats. Or Frosted Mini Wheats flung into his Moses Basket.

You know, we've come a long way as women. Our culture recognizes and celebrates our accomplishments, talents and unique gifts far more than it did fifty years ago. Much good has come from voices for feminism. And today, we talk a lot about recognizing and valuing our identity outside of motherhood. I know that's important. I have no doubt that if I didn't have children, I would have found fulfilment and happiness in other things and I wouldn't have been any less of a woman or lover or nurturer as I am today as the mother of three.

But I can also say that I am an independent woman who is completely and utterly in love with motherhood--so much that yes, my identity is and forever will be intertwined with this gift--being their mother.

How incredibly grateful I feel right now to be given our boy. And what a treasure this week has been.

iPhone first moments

So there you have it.
A birth story--more laid back, but then again, so is he. Pretty chill, pretty calm.

The best thing about birth stories?

They are just the beginning. There is more to be written for our family, for our love, and for the life of our precious Dash, the sleepy boy who purrs when he dreams and cries in tiny, raspy, velociraptor squeaks.

congratulations, mama.having two girls is utterly amazing. but the addition of a little blue caboose is something very special. (i know.)i can't wait until you get to this moment. right here. where we are. newborn baby boys are lovely. but three year old baby boys are so spectacular. this moment right here is my favorite.(truthfully all of them have been and likely will be.)xoxo.

Kelle, you write so beautifully and truly sum up the joy of birthing a new baby, that first precious week in hospital and home so perfectly.He is simply gorgeous and I wish you many, many more wonderful moments of mothering with your three.I just have to ask (as I have a thing about this from when my four were born) what was the song on your playlist when he arrived in the world?Ah it really makes me want to have another!!Congratulations.xx

Congrats, Kelle! I remember in Dallas when you talked about how he grew so much in the late afternoon and how your tummy would get so much bigger! I'm curious to hear how he is around 4pm now that Baby Dash is here. He's such a beautiful babe, and I can't wait to see you as a Mama to a boy!

Welcome baby Dash! And this... "...it seemed so meant to be--like he'd always been here and they'd always loved him." was exactly what I felt when my boys first met their little brother. It was like the final piece of a puzzle snapped into place & the picture is complete. Am so over-the-moon & back happy for you & your family.Big hugs,Kate

I am crying... Touched... And amazed, once again. I love your blog and your ability to write so raw and real. You inspire me so much. Congrats on your new addition!! He is precious! What an inspiration you are to me and obviously so many others. I hope your kids grow up to realize how lucky they were to have a Mother like you! :)

Amazing...the picture of Lainey and Dash in bed just melted my heart and made my pregnant emotional self burst into tears. I can't wait for my daughter to arrive and for her to brothers to meet her.Congrats to you and your family :)

We had our third child 10 months ago and we knew pretty quickly something wasn't right. The days, weeks, month that followed were so hard, so scary. I so relate to what you said about almost missing those moments when Nelle was first born. I ache for them sometimes and I can't quite figure out why. They were the hardest moments of my life and I've never been so scared. Why would I want to relive that? I don't know if it's that after so much life my husband and I were so TOGETHER or because it was such raw, real life. That's still a part of my processing. Just wanted you to know I appreciated you saying that. Congratulations on a beautiful addition to your family.

Absolutely precious Dash! Love the pictures particularly of Lainey & Dash in the hospital bed and Nella taking a picture of Dash. Such amazing moments and you've captured them so beautifully. CONGRATS AGAIN!

Aw congrats... My third boy was laid back too and my heart was raw with him being my last... But oh so poignant;) this brought it all back. Thank you for sharing your moments of life. Good job mamma. Rest well;)

Absolutely beautiful! As someone who is hoping to embark on this wonderful journey of motherhood this year I can't think of a better person to learn from. Many thanks for being so honest, so real and showing so much love.

I gave birth to my first born, a son, almost 6 months ago. Your story brought tears to my eyes as I remembered that immediate, earth-shaking, all-consuming love. My son....a miracle I wasn't sure I'd ever have. Motherhood becoming a brilliant, exciting, even scary extension of the women I had always been. I am still so in love. Thank you for sharing your birth story and for taking me back to my own amazing day.

Incredible!! Absolutely incredible. You make me so excited for the days of motherhood ahead. Thankyou so much for sharing :) you're one heck of a mom! You should be told that everyday!! All 3 of those lil ones are beautiful!

Love this and love you Kelle! I am due in 4 weeks with our 3rd too. I've not been looking forward to the delivery...knowing too much! This was JUST what I needed tonight. So thank you again for opening your heart and story. I am carrying so much of what you shared with me!

Beautiful Kelle- I'm so happy you had this perfect, chilled birth day and vacation, as even Lainey's first days were scary with her jaundice. You know what - the night before I got the email from Dot I re-read the first chapters of Bloom and thought about your next birth chapter. I smiled big when I got that email.I still need to write the girls story down - it is seared onto my heart already, but like you I will need them home for a week before it will feels right. I feel their story will be an epic. I love how you shared Brett's feelings here too- cause I still want Rob to write down his side of our story too, his rush to hospital humming the James Bond theme, seeing the girls for the first time as I was hidden behind the curtain, his fears and elation. Hugs to you Mama and to your precious family of 7. Xo

Congratulations! He is so beautiful. I love the way you wrote his birth story. You are always so honest and that is my favorite thing about reading your blog. You are like a breath of fresh air. I can feel in your writing that you are missing the anticipation you felt right before giving birth to baby Dash. There is nothing more exciting then the upcoming arrival of a new baby. I can totally relate to how you are feeling. Hugs to you.

Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful stories with us. He is such a beautiful boy, and you have such a beautiful little family. As a Mama with two little lads of my own, I can tell you that the connection between Mother and Son is a magic I can't begin to describe within the limits of the English language. Or course, you know that. :)

And I love that you call him Dash. Our youngest is called Bash (Sebastian), and Bash and Dash are his two favorite trains from Thomas the Train. :)

You have given me horrible baby fever now though. :) Congratulations, again.

I love how you embrace motherhood and own its grip on your identity. Please keep reminding women it's ok to love being a momma! You do it in such an amazing, raw, empowering way! You, your family, your words-all a gift, a blessing to this community of women. Thank you!

He is absolutely perfect! Thank you for sharing. With the birth of our daughter still very fresh in my mind (she is 12 weeks tomorrow) it brought tears to my eyes. Your put thing so perfectly I wish I could bring words together just half as well as you do so that my children would have such a story to read should they ever want to know my feelings about their birth. You have such beautiful little ladies and a very handsome little man many many congratulations.

Such a beautiful story. It so makes me want another one. He's truly a handsome baby.

And seeing Lainey and Nella love on him and mother him is just precious. And before long, they'll be dressing him up like a doll and telling him what to do. And he'll bring some dirt and frogs and adventure into the house, as all little boys seem to do.

Can't wait to see him grow and see these relationships keep blossoming. Enjoy all these precious moments.

I was introduced to Nella's Birth Story just over a year ago (a few days before our first child was born) and have enjoyed reading your beautiful words ever since. How wonderful, now, to share in welcoming Baby Dash. What a fortunate boy to be part of such an inspiring family. Wishing you all the very best.

Kelle I'm so happy for you! Your stories, as always, are beautifully written and you had me tearing up like you always do. I can't wait to see the girls and Dash grow up together on this blog. It's the little things in life, right!Congrats!

I couldn't help but start to tear up when I read, "One of my favorite things from all my births? The warming bed--the tiny diaper and bulb syringe and stretchy striped hat that's laid out for my baby--the one who's still inside me." I'm a mom of a 2 1/2 year old and that just took me right back. I remember seeing that scene and being struck with the thought, "I'm about to meet my daughter!" Powerful!

I have to ask: what are the "memory tokens"? I see several bags, one of which looks like it may actually hold tokens or something? How does that work? ::off to Google but would still love to hear how YOU used them::

PS: my favorite picture is in the Instagram dump...top left with you cradling him while you're (presumably) nursing and he's clutching his food like he knows it belongs to HIM. ♥ So precious!!

Congratulations Kelle! Your reflection of your birth is perfection. It is as beautiful as your handsome little bundle. I am happy for you and your family. May God continue to pour His blessings in you.

(I'm nursing my 6 month old right now and trying not to let my tears fall on him.) What a beautiful birth story, Kelle. It was as achingly wonderful as Nella's story and it brought me back to those first days with both of my boys. I am so sad that we'll never experience those first days again, but at the same time so blessed to have two perfect little boys after having terrible pregnancies. Seeing every photo the you post here and on instagram makes me realize just how quickly time passes and how much of our journey depends on our perspective. I chose to look for and remember the wonderful parts of every day and let go of the not so great parts. Thank you for putting into words the deep, deep feelings of being a mother and for sharing your life with people like me. And congratulations (again, because I've said it a handful of time on IG already) to you all. He is so heart stoppingly beautiful.

Really beautiful, Kelle. The photos are priceless. However, I do think there is one thing you should go back and edit: your heart was ready to welcome FIVE children, not three. Your stepsons seem like wonderful brothers :)

Welcome baby Dash! So funny, that is my husbands nickname - David Ashby goes by Dash! I love it! I am just tickled to the depths of my soul to read about your joy and see the girls welcome this new precious baby boy!! Thank you for letting us share in such an intimate moment of your life!! Looking forward to watching the sibling love grow! How delicious! <3

Your doctor did not bring this beautiful child into the world, YOU DID!!! What a beautiful story mama! Births are a time when the veil between Heaven and earth is very thin. There is nothing like it. So happy for you! What a beautiful and perfect way to finish off your beautiful family. His crocheted outfit is TO DIE FOR! I pinned a picture of him in his outfit so that if I ever have another son, I will get that made for his blessing day. PERFECTION! Congrats mama! Hugs!

beautiful, beautiful, story. thank you so much for sharing. this moved me. not to tears but it moved me in a special way. thank you so much again. blessing to you and your sweet family as you begin this journey of five together. <3

So beautiful! I had my third, and last, baby 7 months ago and I am so grateful for my three beautiful children but also sad that I will never hear the amazing sound of my baby's first cry again. I love how you celebrate Motherhood but you never seem to loose your individuality and personality. I'm still working on that. Congrats!

I had a great day. Until about 11 tonight, when an unexpected and painful memory walked back into my head. And then I came home and I read this and I was reminded how beautiful the unexpected can make your life. Thank you, and congratulations on your beautiful new baby.

Oh my gosh Kelle...love love love this. Makes me wish I could do my two deliveries over again...with a different perspective. He Is SO Beautiful...one of the most gorgeous babies I've seen in a long time. Huge congratulations to your family. You are so so blessed in so many waysXO*Jazzmine*

This statement moved me so much! Thanks for always sharing your heart!

"how you start crying and can't stop--a little bit because it hurts but a lot because you know that you're about to meet your baby and mere seconds separate you from one of the single greatest, most love-filled moments of your life."

Unfortunately as I laid in bed reading Dashel's birth my husband was laying next to me watching this on youtube and laughin/wheezing hysterically. I kind of, shall we say, "ruined the moment" for me. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PpccpglnNf0&feature=share

All the best as you welcome your beautiful son into your beautiful family.

I'm sure I'll be the millionth person to say this, but oh, how beautifully written this story was. His story. Your posts always bring a smile to my face.Thank you for sharing your little miracle with us and wishing you lots of sleep!

I first 'met' you, when someone on my scrapbooking website (2Peas) posted a link to Nella's birth story! I read it, cried, became a faithful reader of your blog - and have laughed and cried - sometimes while reading the same post - many times since! I cried tonight too - reading Dash's birth story! I cried and smiled and - even though I wasn't there - felt the deep love that exists within your family.....

Perhaps I cried and laughed, because in a month or so, my baby girl will give birth to her first baby - and I will enter the world of Grandparenthood! (is that a word?!) My son-in-law loves my daughter with the same commitment as Brett loves you........They will not be young parents - and I know that their lives will change in ways they can't even imagine - but, they will be amazing, wise, love-filled parents - and my grandbaby will be welcomed into a world where he/she will know love - a whole lot of love!

Congratulations to you and Brett, on the birth of beautiful Dash......congratulations to his big sisters - and even bigger brothers.........Welcome to Planet Earth, Baby Dash........May your journey here be long, prosperous, healthy, and filled with love!

Just before bed, I checked your blog and was rewarded with Dash's birth story. So beautiful. It is amazing to see how beautifully time has passed from Nella's birth to little Dash's (I started reading your blog right after Nella was born). Many blessings on you, the family, and your sweet little boy whom I am yearning to snuggle!

Beautiful. Brings me back to the births of my 2 little ones. And makes me want to experience it again and again ;)

I had no idea that what I really wanted was a boy. Sometimes you don't know you want these things until fate picks them for you. And then you're thankful that you don't get to make all your own choices because that would be kind of selfish and boring, and you'd never get to experience your secret wants--the ones only fate knows.

So much this.

Congratulations on the birth of your little man, he is positively perfect! Very happy for you and your family.

Maybe it's because I'm partial to boys (I have one and a second due in 8 weeks) but this story is just so sweet - they really are a great gift and i'm so happy you had a wonderful experience. He is beautiful!

I'm sitting here in the quiet of my home while my own 7-month old (and my husband) sleeps. Your recounting of Dash's birth is absolutely beautiful and written so peacefully. I felt as if I were right there eating chocolates in the hospital with you. It brought me to (happy) tears as I read your words and remembered my daughter's story. Birdie is my first, and if God wills, not my last. I never knew that my heart was missing such an amazing piece of itself until I met her.

So beautifully written. Words that brought me back to the precious moments when I became a Mama to our gorgeous boys. They come into our lives and in that first meeting we instantly are captured and our hearts expand and we fall in love with them and the gift of motherhood.

Dash, what a great story. And boy, you have some superb characters in your story that love you a whole bunch!!

Thank you Kelle, Brett, Lainey, Nella, and BIG bros for sharing Dash and his first week with all of us. May God continue to bless your family.Cheers!MoniqueMe thinks Dash is pretty happy with his story...loving his happy smile in the last photo :)

What a beautiful testament to birth, motherhood, and your boy. I was covered in wave after wave of goosebumps reading the part about Brett's mother. Welcome sweet Dash and welcome to new mamahood for the third time, Kelle. It never gets old, does it?

Such a beautiful birth story Kelle! Happy tears for you all here. Welcome Dash! You are so loved. Not only by your family who knows you, but by thousands of readers who are been blessed to follow your story on your mama's blog.

Oh, and that phone picture of Lainey and Dash on the bed just kills me, especially after reading your words on IG when you posted it, as it reminds me of two years ago when my son was born and my daughter couldn't wait to get back from nursery to hold him, hug him, care for him. Such precious mama hearts in such small ones. And it only gets better :)

Congrats, Kelle! I'm expecting my fourth little boy in May, And I love how you describe fate, cause I definitely didn't know this is what I wanted, but I'm so grateful we get to add to our family. And his name, it's beautiful! Love your blog!

Waited ever so patiently for this birth story! :o) Thank you for sharing it and sharing Dash. He is handsome and very chill! I look forward to the journey, sister's doting on him, loving him, and the bond they will forge.

I thought I wanted a girl too until I had my sons. It's crazy how quickly we fall in love. As women, having sons, boys feels so so special . I grew up boy crazy, always wanting boys and men to love me and now I have the love of my two precious sons to carry me through life. It's amazing, really. Thanks for this post. I cried my way through it, remembering. Dash is adorable. I can't wait to read more about your thoughts on having a son, now.

Tears at breakfast-time here as I read this - really so beautifully written and I just feeeel your calmness. I Bizarrely the first time I read your blog was Nella's birth story so it feels like a circle to come here again for this (and I followed all along in between!). Many congratulations; you rock. And he is just perfect. Oh and where can I get a 'Heidi'?! She rocks too! Lou x

Kelle, you have no idea how strange it is reading you write "my boy" and "my son" (lol). I started reading your blog a few months after Nella's birth and your blog radiates pure GIRL. Pink, lace, tea parties, ballet, girl-themed parties, arts & crafts and all that good girly stuff. It's going to take a while getting used to this..haha. Sincere congratulations on the new baby. He is soooo cute. I have 3 children myself. 2 sons and 1 daughter. Take it from me, once you have a son, you have a greater appreciation and empathy for men. You'll see your husband, your step-sons and a lot of other men in your life with even more loving eyes--because now YOU'VE given birth to man. It made me a better person, it's the best thing having both boys and girls. Welcome to 'our' club. P.S. Love the pictures of the girls with their new brother.

Tears in my eyes. Brings back all of those sweet memories of bringing a new life into the world, into my family. And a perspective I needed tonight as I begin to deal with the woes of teenage boys. I needed this reminder of the love and gift I was given all of those years ago. Just beautiful, Kelle. Your words, your family, your pictures, you. Beautiful!XO

Kelle,Thank you for sharing the story of Dash's Birth Day.It is so lovely the way Brett's Grandma knew about her great grandson. Lainey and Nella's bond with their baby brother is so beautiful. You look so well Kelle and Dash is adorable.Welcome, welcome little Dash.xo

Here sobbing. Love your words and pictures. Congratulations to you all. enjoy every second. I am excited to watch Dash(love the name!!) grow and to watch his sisters adore him. nella trying to get him to wave makes me giggle so hard, love that.

I will be 40 weeks pregnant with my first baby on Tuesday. I am fully aware that I have no idea of the magnitude my life is about to change. Thanks for sharing Dash's birth story. It made me feel more at peace about the labor and delivery of my soon to be daughter. Beautifully written.

Thank you! I have a daughter of 18 months and for some medical reasons I cannot have another baby at the moment but I'm looking forward to that moment you're describing so passionately! Thank you again!

My heart melts for you - beautifully written and wonderful photography. So very happy for you - enjoy all those precious moments. Congratulations - and I adore the photo of Lainey sleeping with Dash, and of Nella sitting with him on the quilt. So very lovely moments. I cried reading this - you have a wonderful way of capturing moments so we live them through you. Happy thoughts and times to come. God bless you all, J9 x

My heart melts for you - beautifully written and wonderful photography. So very happy for you - enjoy all those precious moments. Congratulations - and I adore the photo of Lainey sleeping with Dash, and of Nella sitting with him on the quilt. So very lovely moments. I cried reading this - you have a wonderful way of capturing moments so we live them through you. Happy thoughts and times to come. God bless you all, J9 x

I think it's a third baby thing...our third, who shall be six months old next wek, also feels as if he has been here forever, if he has been a part of this family for always. Thank God, he is also calm and chill...third babies know they need to be for mummy sanity ;) Dash is just divine...I loved this story and I teared up at the pic of Lainy napping with her brother...oh sweet perfection. And I agree - baby brothers in their teenage brother's big arms, oh my goodness!! And Nella and her crafty ways of getting to those little baby waving arms...it's all just gorgeous. Enjoy xx

I was hoping to find an update this morning. The calm of Dash's birth story and the palpable love you express was a beautiful thing to experience (for your readers as well) and was just what I needed today. So happy for you, Kelle!

I loved reading this, Kelle, especially while holding my 2-month old baby boy. I have a hard time of letting go of that newborn stage. Part of me wants it to last forever. I'm afraid I'll forget the little details I want to remember that can't be recorded with words. The smell... I miss it. He still smells wonderful, but that newborn smell is gone. My favorite paragraph? "These moments..." Tears, Momma. Tears. You have a way of doing that to this girl. :) I think this week I just reached the point where I feel more like, "He's getting bigger and I'm okay with that..." Not that it ever really gets easier. Thank you for sharing his birth story with us. Your pictures are AMAZING! Love all of them and I seriously wish you could be my tutor. And Dash? He is just gorgeous! Fits in perfectly with his family. :) Congrats again to you all!

Wow. I've been checking everyday for Dash's birth story. When I saw it first thing this morning when I logged on I couldn't wait to read it. I stopped through it multiple times so I could savor it. I too remember those beautiful hospital moments and the first time taking babies home. Special moments. Congratulations to you and your whole family Kelle. Dash is a beautiful boy. My favorite photo is the one of Lainey laughing at Dash sucking his fingers and Nella lovingly looking at Lainey. Precious!

Thank you for sharing your beautiful son with the world, Kelle. He is precious. As I read your post, something suddenly occurred to me and I feel compelled to share it with you. As much as you might feel or believe that your purpose in life is to mother these three little souls, I am convinced that your bigger purpose is to help heal the world. Regardless of the horrible things happening in the world on any given day, I can always come here - to your online "home" - and get my heart filled with the good stuff. . . love. And when one's heart is full of love, well, somehow that just makes everything else not quite so bad. If somehow we could get the whole wide world to come here every day - if just for a minute or two - can you even imagine how much better the world would be? A world full of love. Wow! For whatever reason, the good lord above has handpicked you to help fill the world with love. And I for one believe you are doing a phenomenal job! God bless.

Congratulations!! He is such a precious little love. I am 31 weeks pregnant with #9 and can't wait to have this baby girl in April. Enjoy these moments, the small things :) (P.S. if you want to do a baby outfit post, I won't object ;)

oh that was so beautiful!!!! I do not have children yet, oh but that made me want one so so so so so much!!! The love you have for your babies just spills out on all of us in your writing! Thank you for sharing!

love.love.love that you didn't experience the epidural...i think it's so amazing, when women can admire what their bodies will do, when we let them take over...proud of you...yes. it hurts. that's okay. it's great infact...he is gorgeous...much love.

Congrats Kelle, you have blessed us again with Dash's story. I have followed you since Nella's arrival. In that time, I have given birth to my first boy, and thinking we would only have 4, we were recently blessed to jump around the bathroom in December and realize that number 5 is on the way. Prayers for you, for Dash, for all the children in your family and life. May God Bless Dash with strength, love and peace. May you relish the memories you create each day.

Another beautiful birth story... I was in tears reading it, filled with the memories of my own children's births. I mean, you CAPTURED it... all of it. You paint such a detailed visual and emotional picture, Kelle. You are such a fantastic, talented writer. I am in awe of your ability to turn a phrase, stir and emotion, and remind us all about being present and loving deeply.

Dash is sweet and precious and I wish blessings to him and your entire big beautiful family! Enjoy these days - they go so quickly :)!!

Oh my. Beautiful, Kelle, every last detail. And the picture of Dash and Lainey lying in that great big hospital bed together? Absolutely gorgeous moment, captured forever. I actually gasped when I saw it. It melted me.

So many real, honest moments shared with us, your readers, reminds me of the reason I like to follow your blog... it reminds me constantly of so much goodness in the world, on how through different cultures, we still share a way to see the world.Congratulations Kelle!!! having little Dash in your and your family's life is amazing! He is adorable... I read this post with my mom and we kept going with so many ohhs! and ahhs! we laughed together and we cried together, through each one of your words, your description of moments, your photos... your daughters with him, the way they look at him, your and Brett's love that has overcome so much!, and the love you all share for each other, families are such a blessing!

I know I don't know you personally but feel as though I do through what you share on here. Such a beautiful story, I cried as I read re-living my own births of three daughters. Thank you for sharing your beautiful family! God bless you all.

I loved this! What a beautiful birth story. Hang on to every second because, as you know, it flies by! My youngest just turned two yesterday...sigh...Your story brought back all of those feelings of his own arrival!Thank you!

Thank you again for sharing your beautiful words and stories. I cried reading this and afterwards when I went through pictures and memories of when my babies where born. It goes by so quickly - my twins boys will be 5 and my daughter will be 2 all in May. Thank you for reminding me to slow down and be present.

Many best wishes to you and your beautiful family on this new journey.

Good gracious, Kelle . . . you have such an amazing way with words. What an awesome birth story. I can't even begin to count the number of times I did that little intake of breath to try and stop the tears!

Your story is beautiful. It's raw, honest, and so incredibly well written. Dash's story, the beginning of his story anyway, is one he'll love to read over and over. Congratulations, Kelle. Like your daughters, he is perfect.

Sobbing...but happy sobs. Thank you for sharing this beautiful story. My only son is 30 now and I'm a widow but your story brought me back to his birth..the happiest day of my life. There is no greater love. Cherish every moment...it flies by in the blink of an eye.

I think no matter how old your babies get, those birth stories are frozen in your mind. Just as when you look at your growing children, you see them as that brand new baby, open heart and open mind. Even though my now 6 year old cringes when I call him my "baby," my 4 year old is showing his independence more and more each day and my 1 year old, still a mama's girl, is slowing outgrowing our rocking chair... when I look at them, I see my babies. Now and forever. I love reading your words and remembering my own emotions through yours. Thank you for sharing with us with us.

Another beautiful, heartwarming, celebratory, unique birth story to add to your family collection of birth stories. Love to you all. Welcome to the World, Little Dash. Congratulations Lainey and Nella on being big sisters, again, and for the first time. You are all such beautiful hearts. Thank you for sharing with us.

This post brought me to tears- it was so beautiful! You are an amazing, strong and inspirational woman- thank you so much for sharing your deeply personal experiences in such a human and meaningful way.

I've been waiting for this post since Sunday. :) My husband and I are fairly certain our family is complete, but there are parts of me that make my heart ache in a good way when I read your birth stories. Maybe it's because I never wrote my children's birth stories down, and I'm afraid I'll forget them, but it's made me more aware of how capturing time through pictures and blogging will help me to remember some of those special and ordinary moments that I will soon forget as time passes and my littles grow up. Thank you for daily inspiring me to be present and to never take these moments for granted for they are fleeting. He is beautiful, Kelle. Thank you for sharing him with us. :)

Congratulations! When my kids were little, at the first sounds of his baby sister waking up, my son would run into their room and hang on her crib, talking to her. It is one of my favorite pictures I've ever taken. They are 15 and 17 now, and while napping is gone by the wayside, they are fast friends. I wish the same for your three!

Thank you for sharing this story that is in your heart. Dash is simply beautiful, just like his sisters and brothers. You have a family created from love - that is what you deserve. I send you many congratulations and wish you more and more love.

He is a beautiful little fella, I'm so pleased for your family! Lovely to see him with his brothers and sisters; Lainey looks so grown up nurturing her new little pal. I think being a mom of 3 suits you already. There is a sense in your writing that seems very calm and present, laid back. Little boys are something special - as of course are all children. My little buddy is 4 and has really changed my life since coming into it 2 years ago. Looking forward to more photos and tales of your darling boy as he grows :)

So sweet and precious! I am so inspired by your birth stories...and your hospital pictures! You bring things with you that I never would think to bring, that are not listed in all the "Lists of What to Bring to the Hospital." Like cozy quilts and music playlists. Can you tell me what all you pack? I'm having our second baby in July and would love a less "sterile" experience. :)

Kelly, thank you again for sharing such an intimate and special moment in your life! I especially related to your description of thanking the sacred space that helped you welcome your son to the world. I remember that feeling 3 1/2 years ago when my daughter came into my world. Grateful. Nothing like a Poppa with a rhinestone monogrammed shirt! This post of Dash's birth story is beautiful in every way.

today is my baby girls 2nd birthday...and reading the story of Dash's birth...so beautifully told..sent a continuous stream of tears down my face. what an amazing time it is when we welcome our tiny new loves...how fleeting...and how quickly they turn into "big kids" thank you for sharing another amazing story of your life with us.

Beautiful, Kelle. You make me yearn for the first days of my boys. I don't think I'll ever get to do it again and that makes my heart pretty sad. But sharing your story helps because it brings back so many good memories of my own babies' birthdays :)

This birth story is beautiful, as is your newest little love. I fought back tears - can't believe it has been nine months since my second son arrived. Enjoy that "bundle of boy!" (That's what my mom always said about my newborn little guys).