Temporary Male Birth Control is Coming to a Testicle Syringe Near You

This could be the end of vasectomies! But it is not a birth control pill.

Vasalgel is being marketed as the first male birth control, and it begins human trials in the early months of 2015. The good news: Baboon trials are moving along swimmingly. The bad news: There is a vas deferens between this and birth control as you know it.

More specifically, the drug is a polymer that's injected into a man's vas deferens, the sperm tube. Think "vas-ectomy" without the Latin root for excision.

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Whereas a vasectomy cuts the vas deferens* to prevent sperm from mingling with lady parts, Vasalgel** just clogs that fucker up. Whenever you want the kids to flow again, a second injection will unclog the seed spout to return to all systems go.

Baboons have already proven that the first injection can be effective. After the six-month trial where three males banged 10-15 females each, there was nary a single pregnancy scare.

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The next phase of research will see if Vasalgel can be flushed out with a second injection, allowing the male baboons to produce sperm again.

This is the second round of baboon orgies for Vasalgel, because the first round ended poorly, with the drug being involuntarily dislodged by the jolt from researchers' prostate shocker. Our fingers are crossed, somewhere outside of the test area.

Reversal of a vasectomy is a ghastly thought, so men could certainly benefit from this new alternative. That said, marketing this as "male birth control" to every player who has disabused the idea that condoms are necessities for single people? That's a little terrifying. If Vasalgel's baboon trials succeed—and we hope they do—let's wait this one out for a while.

As a word of caution, can we adopt Bill Burr's stance on plastic surgery and see how this thing pans out? They haven't worked all the bugs out on this new science for baboons yet. Let someone else storm the beach while they fix the kinks on humans.

*In Latin, vas deferens is "vessel" + "to carry away."

**In English, the word "Vassal" has two definitions: (1) A feudal subject who has vowed loyalty to a superior lord, and (2) Someone in a subservient or subordinate position.