about a month ago, my wife tells me she is super unhappy with me. She pretty voiced she is not happy with almost every attribute about me, except i'm a great father.

She says she does not know if she's in love with me anymore, and wants us to see other people. at first i agree out of confusion, then a couple weeks later I tell her no way.

Then a couple weeks later she tells me she has been facebooking\talking\txting an old boyfriend, which started a couple months ago.

I'm thinking ok, the complaints she has about me are all regular problems people go through within a 10 year marriage, but throw in an ex-boyfriend and all the sudden these complains about me are really excuses to get away...hmmmmm.

So we go to counseling and on the first session we establish that we need to spend more quality time together, and the counselor says she needs to stop chatting with her x boyfriend.

i felt things were looking better after the first session, and then when we meet the counselor again, she admits she is still facebooking the dude.

When I attempt to find out what exactly she wants to do, she says she doesn't know, and needs time.

This is killing me because i don't want to just give up.

1/24/2014 10:22AM UPDATE

I confronted her last night. basically said that it's not going to work out if you keep talking with your x-boyfriend.

Her behavior is inappropriate and as much as I was trying to ignore it; I don't want to end up despising her. so yeah, I did not want to have it drag on anymore.

in the end, she said she didn't feel the same about us; and wants to be single.

but basically she is not willing to cooperate and give us another fair shot (by not talking with her x). she keeps bringing up past events and details that upset her...which feels like reasons to distance herself from me.

So now we are discussing terms of separation. *sigh

1/28/2014 10:00AM Update:

So I mentioned that I'm not moving out, and we have pretty much talked about her moving out.

I just now read up a little on the 180 no mr nice guy. pretty slick set of rules. will tighten up my behavior based on the guide(s).

since the talk last week where I was set on separating she is now "confused". and is apparently doing some soul searching.

All the meantime, I have started sleeping in another room, and we have broken up the week where she has our daughter half the week and I the other.

it's weird because she still sets up lunches and dinner outings, and all I can think about right now is running away from her as far as possible.

the question is, should I set a timeline for her to vacate the house? example: suggest to her that she has a month to be confused, and then she either needs to be on my team or start actively looking for a place to stay?

9/4/2014 12:34PM Update:

Wanted to come back and thank everyone for all the support!

1. I ended up hanging in there and followed advice of the "no more nice guy" material.
2. Went to a couple sessions of marriage counseling, which also helped a bit.
3. Luckily all of her friends were on my side, and had a ton of support in that aspect. Thank goodness, as i thought i come off kind of like a jerk in their eyes...heh
4. I pretty much gave up my hobbies so we could share a common hobby of endurance training (running/triathlons)
5. Also luckily the other guy turned out to be a huge jerk off. Ended up asking her to borrow money!

I do not suspect that the two of them ever actually met up; that would set me off in another direction. I trust the answers she gives me, and besides, the dude lives five hours away, and she is way busy to be able to sneak off.

But it came down to asking her to step up and cut ties....stop talking to the dude, or we are done. She agreed to cease and desist...and we have been working on the relationship since. And since then I truly believe she is back in love with me.

Open relationships don't work when they start out from a baseline of problems. Then, they are usually just bridges to finding someone new to replace you. Only when the relationship is strong and secure and communication is excellent do open relationships stand a good chance of success - and both have to be fully on board with the choice.

I think you can demand that she make a choice to work on the marriage, including MC, else you will file for divorce. That may provide the leverage and incentive to work on the problems and resolve them - one way or another. If she doesn't agree, or doens't fulfill her commitments, file - you can always withdraw it if/when she comes around.

It was the boyfriend that got her in that position in the first place.
She contacted him long before you found actually found out.
You cannot solve a problem doing the same thing that got you int that problem in the first place.

Tell her it's either the boyfriend goes or she goes , but you aren't prepared to sleep with her and her boyfriend.

It was the boyfriend that got her in that position in the first place.
She contacted him long before you found actually found out.
You cannot solve a problem doing the same thing that got you int that problem in the first place.

Tell her it's either the boyfriend goes or she goes , but you aren't prepared to sleep with her and her boyfriend.

It sounds like she wants out and in order to save face is putting it all on you, making it seem that you are lacking in some way gives her an easy reason for connecting with an old boyfriend. Cheating is just around the corner unless of course she can get your permission by agreeing to the "open relationship". DON'T do it! Show her the door. She'll soon find that the grass isn't always greener, and when she does it'll be too late.

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