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“Outside Voices”

The Problem:

You have been anticipating the release of a movie for months. The day has arrived, you bring in your own snacks (obviously you wouldn’t be buying it from the theater because that would cost you your monthly mortgage), you sit down and the movie begins. 5 min into you begin to hear commentary from an audience member for the movie. Then 10 min into it you realize you will be hearing a play by play for the whole movie.

This can go in a few ways:

It is a comedy, and the person begins to repeat every line that was funny out loud. We know it is a joke, thank you for mentioning it, now please turn down your volume to the level of SHUT UP! I have paid a premium to see Paul Blart Mall Cop 2, and would like to find the one joke in there myself.

The person who reads everything that pops up out loud. This sucks especially if it has subtitles. Unless you are watching with a person who has trouble seeing, there is no need to read out loud. We get it you can read no need to show off, but guess what so can I. School apparently paid off, and I can actually read. I know its hard to believe, but I did it Mom!

This is the worst of the bunch. The person who constantly lets us know what they would do in the situation. “Oh no, I wouldn’t go in there” or “I can’t believe she is kissing him, I would never” Guess what, she did kiss him and in a few minutes they will be doing more than that (I meant dancing, get your mind out of the gutter). There is a reason you weren’t cast for the movie. Also, can’t imagine why Spielberg didn’t decide to consult with you first, after all your face was the inspiration for E.T.

Off point, but also please don’t assume we can’t see or hear you on your phone, your overprotective girlfriend can wait an hour until we find out if there is anything else left to be Taken from Liam Neeson’s character. Lastly, do you really think bringing a toddler to Magic Mike is a good idea, be a real parent and hire a babysitter, for your sake and ours.

The Solution:

Now, Imagine a movie where the characters are watching a movie and there isn’t a loud, obnoxious, self center asshole sitting and talking behind them. Wouldn’t that be something.

These people are everywhere, they have no respect for other peoples time and money. No one actually cares about your opinion nor what you would do in certain situations. So please shut your mouth, shut your phone, and your children when watching a movie.

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3 thoughts on ““Outside Voices””

Once several of us were watching a show on TV, completely caught up in it, and someone else walked in and gazed around at all of us watching attentively and blared, “Wow! All you guys are really into it!” Well… we WERE!! In this household, they left the TV on constantly at a volume that required talking loudly to be heard over it, but anyone who actually watched the TV or became focused on a show was thought of as rude, and people would pointedly talk to you so your rudeness in being late to answer them would be brought to your ill-brought-up attention.

Once another couple joined us to watch a movie, and the wife would watch for 30 seconds, then make a joke and smile at us, waiting for us to laugh. The first time this happened, I chuckled appropriately and then re-focused on the film. Then it kept happening. So I paused it every time she required an audience laugh, and she chirped, “Oh you don’t need to pause it!” Then she gradually realized I could focus on her or the film, but not both, so the entire room became a funeral parlor. She stage-whispered to her husband that I was “one of those people who really got into the movie” so they continued to talk in respectfully quiet tones and tip-toe about until it was completely obvious that we could never watch a film with them – ever.

I am right there with you. It’s not about being “SO” into the movie or show its about respect and decency. Just because you aren’t into it doesn’t mean we all have to stop what we are doing and listen to what you have to say. There are so many selfish tendencies people have that they don’t realize, and if you bring it up you end being the bad person. I think you are better off finding out early what kind of person she was so you didn’t waste any good movie watching with her 🙂