DON’T CALL ME A FAILURE

Growing up I was always set on becoming a Lawyer. I really wanted to make my parents proud and as some might have quickly made the connection, a career in Law (among very few others) is the epitome of an ideal profession within my culture; Sure way to make my people proud.

Determined to make this dream come true, I sought to do all the right things: I joined the debate team at school and watched all the crime and justice shows you can think of. In an even further attempt, after high school, I began my upper level education pursuing Criminal Justice. Destined to make it, right? Well, it didn’t take too long after for me to realize that something was wrong. Truth is, I felt empty.

It was at that moment I realized that all along, I hadn’t been doing any of it for myself. Rather, I had been doing it to appease my parents’ cravings to see me thrive in what they viewed as an ideal branch of success. Good gesture. Empty Marthe. So there I finally decided to call it quits.

I got married at the age of 20 and just one year later, my husband and I had our first child. Though a wife and a full time mom to my infant daughter, I was eager to make a difference. Cleary, having not fallen far from my former endeavors, I decided that I wanted to become a cop. My husband, however, held contrary feelings toward the idea as a whole.

It didn’t end there. Many were my dreams and goals and just as many were my disappointments through every attempt. Before I knew it, I began drowning in waves of depression. And as though I hadn’t accomplished anything noteworthy in my entire life, I began to see myself as a complete failure. The currents within my circumstance pushed and tugged at my self-esteem and landed me in a state of mind where I began believing that my life had no purpose or true meaning. I felt as though I was—just living.

Jealousy began to saturate my heart as I watched some of my friends and family members accomplish their goals and dreams while I was stuck in between infinite rocks and infinite hard places. Life seemed so unfair to me. I became my worst enemy.

In 2012, while residing in South Florida, I attended the Daughters of Zion Conference; a women’s conference at God Changing Life Ministries, the church where I’d been serving. During that time, my spirit felt weak. And in both a physical and nonphysical sense, I was tired. I pleaded to God to bring me a specific Word throughout the conference to show me that He had a purpose and plan for my life.

During the nightly services, the message was brought by an amazing woman of God, Pastor Joelle Meristal, who had traveled from Philadelphia to South Florida to serve as our guest speaker. The conference also consisted of workshops, a breakfast, women’s fellowship and all of which was outstanding!

As the conference advanced from night to night, I persisted in asking God to bring me a Word, saying, “Whatever Word you have for me, I will work at it and never give up!”

During the final night of the conference, the power of the Holy Spirit began moving heavily and working through Pastor Meristal as many women were being liberated from past hurts and healed from consequent pain. Near the end of service that night, as the power of God continued to manifest, Pastor Meristal called both my husband and I toward the altar.

It was in that moment that God used her to bring forth the very Word that I was looking for. A word that completed dominated over every discouraging and hurtful view that I had of myself. She prophesied over me and specifically told me that I would own a boutique selling women’s clothing and that I would also carry handbags and shoes. This prophecy was very detailed! She even mentioned the location at which this would all occur.

My heart began overflowing of joy, happiness, and peace knowing that God truly did have a plan for me and that I was far from a failure!This experience was one that I will never forget as I could finally able to see one of the custom designed plans that God had prearranged for me. God is good!!!

Upon all of this happening, I began digging through scriptures that helped me to truly understand that God has a plan for every, single one of His Children. All He requires is that we keep our focus on Him, be patient, and remain humble.

May these verses serve as an encouragement to you, too!

** “Submit to God and be at peace with him; in this way prosperity will come to you.” (Job 22:21 NIV)

** “For we live by faith, not by sight.” (2 Corinthians 5:7 NIV)

** “What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me.” (Job 3:25 NIV) – (This verse in particular speaks volumes. If you dwell in fear that you won’t be successful, you won’t be successful! If you dwell in the fear of sickness, sickness will overtake you!)

** “My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.” (Colossians 2:2-3 NIV)

Things to remember:

God had NOT forgotten you

Be still! Let go and let God

Rushing can lead to disasters

We are ALL God’s masterpieces

This experience was one that I will never forget as I was finally able to see one of the custom designed plans God had prearranged for me.