"...I will put my laws into their mind, and write them in their hearts..."
Hebrews. 8:10

For three years Jesus' disciples had fallen deeper and more intimately in love with the Lord. The profound influence of His presence is akin to a deluge of living water upon arid hearts. His wisdom is so disclosing of truth, his power maintaining a continual state of awe, awaking amazement as He shows forth that merciful heart of God bestowing grace. Hearts are drawn to Jesus' magnetic being, the surfeiting joy of complete fulfillment, when His light bursts upon the soul. Compassion is poured out onto those He touches, healing both body and spirit. Zealous passion for our Great Shepherd pulses in our veins, pounds in our hearts--But then...

His words sometimes confuse us. What was He saying in John 16:16? "A little while and you shall not see me: and again, a little while, and ye shall see me, because I go to the Father?"

"Lord don't say such things as 'we won't see you'. Now that we have tasted your goodness, we cannot fathom ever being without you!

The beginning of Jesus' explanation in verse 20 was a bit disheartening. What person wants to hear that they are going to suffer, are going to hurt?

"Ye shall weep and lament, but the world shall rejoice: and ye shall be sorrowful..."

Praise God that this is not where the prophecy ends! In Jesus' love note to us he says, "I will never you or forsake you." Christ never leaves us sorrowful, needy or alone. Yes all of His disciples will suffer, then and now. But God specializes in taking that which, in our limited view, appears to be so negative, and turns it into an astonishing positive!

"...But your sorrow shall be turned into joy." !!

Being ostracized by some leaders of a particular congregation, I was sorrowful, hurting. So, I loved more intensely, forgave over and over. I wasn't trying to outshine anyone, was not seeking self-promotion, yet others were.

"Oh God, I did it your way, I turned to your people, and loved them, served them and taught your Word as you directed. Why am I now so rejected and heartbroken? I love them, but they don't love me! Where are you Jesus? I can't see you!"

I had to remember my notes: God's Word in my heart and mind, for Jesus said:

"...A little while and you shall see me."

Then the Spirit spoke

"Look at what lives in that heart of yours, the new heart I gave you. Your old one used to be so hard, and could never have felt this hurt you feel now. Do you want to see me? Look into your heart, what do you see there?"

"Why... it is love Lord, of course, but it is your love, you put it there--God is love."

"I haven't gone anywhere."

"Yes Lord, I see you now, you never left, and you will make all things right.--you always do. You are here with me in my heart."

"Yes I'm here. Glad to see you taking note of that. Now go back there and love them even more."

The following Sunday, I am refreshed in spirit. I notice things I did not see before. The majority are listening to the word, taking notes. There are five scoffers, all together, friends, in a click, a faction, and there are twenty-five seekers, smiling, loving, grateful. After class several thank me, two ask me to pray with them, Jesus' love takes over--we pray, then the glares from a few. Was it because they were not the ones asked to pray? Will they continue trying to undermine the Lord's work, seeking a cause to accuse me? Frustration threatens, but I am rescued by the Spirit, reminding me of His Word--those notes.

"Have you forgotten that I know all things? Do your part--you sow the seed, I make it grow. 'Pray for those who despitefully use you'--some more."

"But Lord, they are supposed to be the Leaders! Are you sure this is where you want me to work?"

"Look at your notes; my Word I wrote on your heart. You seem to be forgetting; I see all things, I know all things. Keep my yolk in place and stop complaining. My grace is sufficient for you."

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I'm also glad that you decided to submit this entry. I've been in the same position myself lots of times in the past. Asking the same questions, hearing the same answers. This is very good and sounds like your genuine personal experience. What a shame you left it late for brick bashing. I'm sure others would like to read it. Well done.

I have walked the same stony cobblestones - "Holy Hypocrisy" paralells your anguish. This was written wonderfully expressively. I too am glad you posted it. Just one wee nitpick - I think you intended "yoke" instead of "yolk", yes? The yolk is on you? Please keep writing and loving . . .

You wrote "Look at what lives in that heart of yours, the new heart I gave you. Your old one used to be so hard, and could never have felt this hurt you feel now."
And I had an ah-ha moment!
I believe the profundity in that one sentence was straight from the heart of God.
Thank you for that!