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Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Who Says Twilight Lovers Aren't Funny?

It’s no secret that we here at Twitarded can be a bit obsessive. And one of the things we loooove to look at (besides Twismut, Twilight blogs, Twilight fan fiction, Twilight merchandise and any news regarding Twilight, Rob Pattinson, Jackson Rathbone and Taylor Lautner but not until February) is our Sitemeter. I could lie and say it’s because we want to keep on top of everything but it’s really in the vain and utterly pathetic hope that Rob Pattinson is laughing his ass off at our antics (and I will immediately recognize his IP address. Yeah. Right). Or, after a particular poopy post, possibly calling his attorney to get a restraining order on me (fair enough).

Anyhoo, as I’m scrolling through the links I stumble across one that I had never seen before - SocialLuxe Lounge, which sounded pretty darn interesting. I mean, I'm social(ly inept) and lounges are synonymous with booze so it sounded right up my drunken alley. So, I clicked away to see what it’s all about.

BlogLuxe Awards? What in holy hell is this?! I scroll down through the categories, Cleanest Blog (definitely not us), Most Inspiring (not unless inspiring someone to take a shit in RPattz’s trailer counts) and, oh wait, Funniest Blog. Hmmm, I know I tend to wander more on the delusional side of my life but I think we're pretty fucking funny. And, holy-vampsicle-custard!!! We've been nominated!!

Suhweet!! When I’m done doing the happy dance in my chair (which probably looks like a cross between me dry humping an imaginary friend and having a seizure of some sort at the same time) and squealing ‘fuck yeah!’ under my breath a couple of times, I check out our competition. And start laughing. And I mean with them, not at them. No matter who wins, we're in good company here.

Um, CakeWrecks, anyone? That is some seriously funny shit. I’ve spent more than a few hours pissing my pants over some of those pictures. Hell, we even link to them on our site and they have NOTHING to do with Twilight! Except for this picture from their site. If you haven't checked them out you really should.

The decorator fucking HATED Twilight. I swear it...

But we’re too excited that someone even considered us to worry about our competition. We’re cool that we’ll probably ending up eating the dust of more than a few hysterical blogs. Let's face it - it comes with the Twitarded territory. No worries though; we’ll probably end up doing the online version of writing their names and phone numbers on the virtual bathroom wall when everything’s said and done. I ain’t called Jerkface for nothing…

I have to be honest here - I haven't read a single other blog that is up for the same award as this one. It's not because I'm a snotty twatwador anything like that. I mean, I plan on it. It's just because not a single one of them pertains to Twilight.

Oh. Mah. Gahd. We're the only Twilight themed blog up for nomination!! Do you know what this means, fellow Twitards? It means we're infiltrating their non-Twilight little lives. Buhwahaha... [rubs hands together like I imagine Rosalie doing when Bella's all sorts of knocked up...]

So, vote for us (rules here) and show everyone that we Twitards are a force to be reckoned with! We won't take anything less than being in the top... 100 (I have motivation problems, I think).

Obey my will and vote for Twitarded...

But what other blogsite has stories about fecal matter, grown women making complete and utter asses out of themselves AND pornography? Huh, huh?

I want to thank whoever nominated us for this bloggy distinction. I have to admit, it’s exciting that our little insular Twi-world is getting recognition. And about time! There is a stigma about being a 30+ chick who digs Twilight and it’s time we show the rest of the boring lame world that we Twitards are funny, smart and like to talk about sex and bodily functions. We’re sort of like a twelve year old boy, sixteen year old girl and a thirtyish woman all rolled up in one body. But not nearly as horrifying. Well, maybe...

Soooo. Please vote for us!! You can vote every single day! It would make us all mushy and gushy inside and maybe RPattz will finally realize that he's turned on by our antics, poopy jokes and pornography. Click the button below. Make all us Twitards proud to be... well, fucking Twitards!And in case you've forgotten, we always have this fine... yummy man...

Not again! Who keeps poopin' in my gah damn trailer? NOW I iz really REALLY sad...

My vote is in for today. I, too, will go back and vote from my other two e-mails and will vote everyday. FYI--you now know where my loyalty lies because my college roommate's blog is also nominated in the same category but my votes are for you ladies.

Eh, I don't think I'm going to vote for you guys... LOL - just kidding, geez, don't give me that look! You guys deserve it. You fucking rock and make me laugh every time. Anyone that can talk about taking a shit in RP's trailer is tops on my list! Squeeeee!

But of course! I already voted today and I'll be back everyday to do so.

Once again your caption for the bottom pic had me loling and I got the side eye from my husband who happened to be walking by at the moment...if you guys don't get funniest blog you should definitely get the top award for causing your readers to embarrass themselves while reading :)

I will keep votin for ya girlz fo-shaw!And if it was juts one blog entry up against another..The poo would take it hands down - you'd wipe their asses - LOL. Thx twitards! i laugh every fucking time. No shit..well with shit... you know.

@lilly guillotine - It would be fun to get everyone on board with this just so the rest of the 'world' could see how much fun us Twitards really are. Honestly, I haven't laughed so hard since I was a little kid. You guys kill me. I look forward to your comments all the time.

So keep voting!! And I'm really going to bed this time (before ML threatens to unplug the computer, lol)

I seriously want to know why anyone would bake that so called (Twilight) woman giving birth to a red pepper cake?? Don't think I would enjoy eating a peice of that. Maybe the inner knee part but no vag parts for me thank you very friggin much.

omg we need to ban together and vote fellow followers!!!!!!!! This isnt just about twilight nemore, its about giving props to sum of the funniest people ive ever witnessed! We as thier loyal and possible certifiable readers owe it to them1 they deserve this!

Lets do it for JJ and STY!!!! and now office snarky!!!!Who's with me???

Validation Comment - I have some good news all. I confessed to my psychologist cousin that I've read the Twilight series, seen the movie and now have a slight Edward Cullen addiction. With a concerned look on her face, she rubbed her chin and nodded. Then went on to comment, "Hmmm, I can see why you wouldn't want to admit that. So it stays between you and I that I'm a Twi-addict too." Woohoo! We have a psychologist on our side. I feel so much saner now.

Yes! I absolutely DID vote for you!! You have been my inspiration for most things crazy and demented as of late and I thank you so much for it!! I don't even know you but yet I feel as though we have bonded (ok more like I have bonded to you) over poptarts and cherry coke. Oh yea, you also make me laugh and inadvertently sold me on a book...Crative Cursing, which btw sits at my station at work.

I will definitely vote for you if I can figure it out (I can't even fucking figure out how to sign up as a blogger, rather than Anonymous so... cross your fingers) I've been trying to curtail my Twi-obsession and this week helped. Everyone at the 'mature' sites LOVED the new book cover so it was a sign from God (or Mini-Edward, or whoever) that THIS is the only place where the general, mutual consensus was: WTF??? As in Wide Awake, you people have no fuckin' brain filter! You were right, STY, I am home and have found my people. No clue what this award means but you will have my faithful, closet-living, smart-ass, wine-guzzling vote as soon as I can figure out these damn keys... whoops, spilled a little on the 'K'... Good luck! Suz

I voted! And I was also perusing the other "funny" blogs, eh, they haven't made me laugh yet, smirk maybe. I'll keep checking out the comp. but your blog makes my face hurt and my tits bounce like I'm on a bus.(yeah we'll just leave it at bus) You guys are fucking hilarious. "Mommy needs vodka" has like 5000+ votes and I didn't laugh once. Although I did comes across info about a "diva cup". I didn't know such a thing existed. To be honest I'm very intrigued.

My vote is yours. I was 34 this month and my hubster got me the Bella and Edward dolls because I love Twilight and I love love love your blog so much. I love your sweariness so much I have the book on my christmas wish list. Tragically I live in surburban Surrey in England so am no where near Twi/R-Patz filming locations.On the plus side - Happily I live in surburban Surrey in England where the age of consent for the whole of country is 16 and therefore I have been having guilt free totally legal thoughts about Jacob for many many months. Rule Britannia!

We must show the world Twitarded exists and damn we're funny! Ok, last night I saw the New Moon Trailer on the big screen (at the premier of Transformers 2) Sold out show, every seat taken. At the end of the trailer which let me tell you gave me CHILLS including cheesy wolf scene. Nobody said a word. I was the only one that raised my arms and yelled "Whooohoo!". My husband shook his head and covered his face. The guy next to me pretended he didn't just see that. This is what we are up against people. Twilight haters! :) Come on Wonder twins power activate into a "Cullen pin"..Ok, I'll stop. I'll be voting as often as they let me.

Fantastic website! Ironically I found you through Cake Wrecks. I've been visiting it daily for months and saw the voting post. I checked out the competition and yours was the only name that interested me enough to click on. Glad I did! Great site, I'll add it to my morning routine of places to check out. :o) p.s. - I voted for you today.

Eh, I don't think I'm going to vote for you guys... LOL - just kidding, geez, don't give me that look! You guys deserve it. You fucking rock and make me laugh every time. Anyone that can talk about taking a shit in RP's trailer is tops on my list! Squeeeee!

Obsessed with Twilight? Think you're too old for this? You've come to the right place!

We are a bunch of over-thirty *cough*andforty*cough* chicks who never really meant to fall in love with Twilight... but somehow we did. Hard. Inexplicably, we've still got a lot to say about it. And other stuff. Join us!