Tuesday, December 4, 2018

Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer Called "Problematic"

A video recently featured on the Huffington Post savaged the
classic children’s holiday movie “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,” labeling it
“seriously
problematic” for its supposed displays of bullying, racism,
homophobia, verbal abuse, sexism/misogyny, bigotry, non-inclusiveness, and
exploitation of workers. Is that all?

The clip showed screenshots of
tweets berating the iconic television show, including one characterizing its
Santa as a “bigoted exploitative prick.” Revel in the warmth of the holiday
season!

Another
tweet accused “Santa’s operation” of being “an HR nightmare” that’s “in serious
need of diversity and inclusion training.” Others noted that Rudolph’s father
verbally abuses him and bemoaned the fact that the other reindeer called him names.

The
show features an outcast elf who wishes to become a dentist, yet who is told
he’ll “never fit in” with desires like that, as well as a bunch of “misfit”
toys. The video avers the show teaches that “deviation from the norm will be
punished unless it is exploitable.” Of course, that is exactly the opposite of the show’s message. In the
end, various characters realize the errors of their ways, become far more
inclusive, and, ultimately, Rudolph is the hero.

But
that is as nothing to militant progressives today. No deviation from the
leftist playbook is even momentarily allowed, no subtlety in story brooked, no
irony observed.

So,
I say it’s high time for a remake of the old classic, now reviled. The new
“Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” will be woke. So woke. The area where toys are processed will be a union shop
staffed entirely by lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender elves. Rudolph
himself will be gay and prance around shamelessly when he’s not attempting to
mount Donner or Blitzen, Comet or Cupid. He will henceforth be known as
“Rudolph the Red-Pricked Reindeer,”
while doing public service commercials for AIDS awareness. Meanwhile, Dasher
will be lobbying congress for single-payer healthcare as Prancer makes an
impassioned plea for free college and contraceptives. Mrs. Claus will be
shown endlessly daydreaming about getting ravaged by the Abominable Snowman,
while Mr. Claus is counting the days until he can retire to The Turks and
Caicos with a nubile red-headed teenage girl named Jasmine.

Dancer will lament the fate of Stormy
Daniels while protesting in favor of gun control. The spotted elephant will ironically
trample on “MAGA” hats whilst denouncing the “deplorables” in flyover country.

What’s more, Elf the Foreman will run
off with Sam the Snowman in our new and improved “Rudolph,” even as Hank and
Hermey pair off to engage in carnal delights… and social justice warfare. Meanwhile, Clarice leeringly slinks
away with the water pistol that shoots “jelly,” while Coach Comet bangs Mrs.
Donner. Our updated classic finishes with an amazing group sex scene featuring
King Moonracer, Dollie, Yukon Cornelius and Charlie-in-the-box, after which they
all highlight the dangers of global warming/climate change and the benefits of
legalized recreational marijuana.

As you can see, nothing “problematic”
or “exploitive” here. Deviation from the norm is the norm. The greater the deviation, the better.

Daily Trivia Quiz Answer

Today's Answer: Andrew Jackson. ("Poll" got so worked up before the service he apparently had to be removed from the premises, as he was cussing long and loud).

Q) What words appear on the front of the penny, nickel, dime and quarter, alongside the likeness of presidents?

A) "Liberty" and "In God We Trust"

An Ode To Life

Appreciate all you have, as it- and you- will soon be gone. Leave no heartfelt words unspoken, no sweet gesture incomplete, no act of love undone. Love your spouse with passion and abandon, your kids with patience and understanding but also a firm guidance. Love also the truth, no matter how hard. If pursued by enough people with enough courage, it really will set us free.

And don't forget, we didn't ask to be born. We didn't create ourselves. We are not gods. There is a higher power.

Fireworks of the Mind

Write It Up

Whence Shall Come Another?

True Then, True Now

"If you will not fight for right when you can easily win without bloodshed; if you will not fight when your victory is sure and not too costly; you may come to the moment when you will have to fight with all the odds against you and only a precarious chance of survival. There may even be a worse case. You may have to fight when there is no hope of victory, because it is better to perish than to live as slaves."- Winston Churchill

Time Well Wasted

The power lies within your hands To do with what you may But the hourglass is filled with sands Of endless yesterdays