– Today, until 6:30pm is the last day to catch the ever so kickass performance/video artist Kate Gilmore at Bryant Park as she assigns 7 women in cheap and bright professional garb to be silent and stomp above a 10×10′ yellow cube in which a hollow middle space allows you to walk in and listen to the endless drone of deep tapping.

– William Powhida gives a performance/lecture titled Surviving the Art World Using the Art of Sorcery at Hyperallergic. It’s sold out but you can get on the waitlist. Also, you can watch it live here.

– Oh my god, New York Uke Fest launched on Wednesday and considering I mediocrally play the profound and hysterical instrument it seems natural that I’d have the need to attend. Runs through Sunday.

– Moses Pendleton’s Momix launched last night and runs through June 6th, playing mostly at Joyce Theater. It looks plenty trippy. I bought tickets for the 29th.

SATURDAY

– The International Contemporary Furniture Fair launches at Jacob Javits center. I went a couple years ago and was quite humble by some of these pieces of functional art. It was honestly more impressive and provoking than an art fair. Highly recommended.

– Slidluck Potshow returns tonight and boy have we got some ambitious goals to share with YOU. So, we’re trying to break world record for LARGEST FUCKING POTLUCK EVER. Right now the recorded number of potluck dishes contributed to any given party is like 604 or something. We need to hella break that. SO, please please please join us starting 7pm with any made up dish you can conjure up in your kitchen and bear witness to what could be the most glorious and historical potluck, EVER.

– The ever empowered Olympia has been working her ASS off for this show the last few months and I can hardly wait to run over to that foreign land called New Jersey and attend the opening day of her show rightfully titled Escape From New York. 43 contemporary artists will strut their stuff within a cavernous old warehouse, actively engaging with the space and contributing to a notion that it’s not all that happening in Manhattan, and Jersey is actually, well, kinda fucking awesome. Can’t. Wait!!!!!!

– Hester Street Fair happens again this weekend, it’s been all the buzz about town. Make sure to check out my girl Bheki and her art studded bags. I’m jealous of the smiley video they have on their website. Can someone do that for my market too please?

– I discovered Chicha Libre while reading through the band list for Sunday’s Taste event and not only discovered their amazing sound but the venue that they’ll be playing tonight, Barbes. I am all for cumbia, old school latin beats, and the like and this venue highlights many local worldly talents. Chica Libre will start playing every Monday as well.

– The big day is here. Franklin St. Immersion will be a day long discount fest with more than 20 stores offering drink specials and discounts. Pick up a card at Diamond or Champion to get even more stuff and free stuff. Indulgence.

– Lab 24/7 is hosting an improv cooking session with 8 cooks toying with ingredients to what will hopefully amount to a delicious meal. It’s $75 per which is a tad much for me but is an awesome idea.

– Sparkseed is throwing a fundraiser at UC Lounge with cheap drinks and dancing. Now THAT’s how you support an awesome organization.

SUNDAY

– Taste Williamsburg Greenpoint is a tasting benefit to build Northside Town Hall inside 212 Firehouse. It’s going to be a delicious event. A pile of local restaurants will be giving away their signature mini plates and Greenpoint Food Market will be at the corner inside Superior vans to show some goods from a few vendors. Come hungry. Oh also, my favorite band of all time People’s Champs will be playing outside Superior at 3pm.

– Huckleberry Bar is hosting what sounds to be both an intimidating and intoxicating night of classic cocktails and absinthe induced debauchery. The bar is participating in a series of events called Manhattan Cocktail Classic, celebrating the craft of cocktails and will feature Death in the Afternoon, a signature drink that Hemingway made famous. Tix are $50 but will be well worth your tipsy. I will most certainly be there after already having tasted a gargantuan amount of food at Taste Williamsburg Greenpoint.

– Jamie Hook’s Open City Dialogue at Pete’s Candy Store finishes off the season with Practical Alchemy: An Investigation in to the secrets of life and death. I am intrigued, also because there will be free cupcakes. Mmmmm….Free Cupcakes….

– Ed Varie,Apartamento Magazine, and Seems Books join forces for an evening of food and revelry at Tasca, a project to celebrate a recent issue of Apartamento featuring limited seating dinners for free. I rsvp for today but received no response so it might be sold out already. Boo.

TUESDAY

– It’s Mellow’s 2 year birthday today. I will do nothing but give him shitloads of kisses and make him a doggy cake in which I will stuff his face in.

– I will also celebrate Mellow’s bday by going to No Lights No Lycra, dancing all my aggressions away in the dark inside a church in Greenpoint.

– My dear Mark of Fostercare plays at Glasslands. This will be a trippy performance.

WEDNESDAY

– Hunter’s MFA students are presenting a thesis opening. I’ve gone almost every season and was mostly disappointed minus a few who blow me away every time. Show is held at Hunter College Times Square Gallery located at 450 W. 41st btw 9 & 10 ave and runs thru June 19th. Opening tonight is from 6 – 8pm. Look out for works by Daniel Nelson.