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Summary

...and that's how Tony finds himself in the back of a limousine with Stella Rogers, who's in full vintage hair and make-up, wearing a perfectly tailored uniform that's brand new but looks like it's from the 40s, and heels that are Manolo Blahnik if he knows his shoes. He's doing his best not to chew on his nails or stare at her legs or come apart at the seams. He thinks he succeeds in one out of three.

Tony meets always-a-girl!Steve and takes the long way around to realizing he's in love.

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Summary

Steve walked into his apartment to find Tony sitting on his kitchen counter, cross-legged, facing the door and flicking his thumbs against the screen of his futuristic phone in a way that meant he was either playing a game or hacking the security of some undoubtedly highly dangerous and deeply hostile organization.

Summary

He hasn't seen or heard from Bruce in six years and the asshole is just going to pretend like they have nothing to say to one another. Or maybe he honestly thinks that Tony can't tell, doesn't know who exactly is behind the mask, and isn't that just completely insulting? Tony may not be cognizant enough to put one foot in front of the other with any consistency but his mind, even strapped into the hell's amusement park whirly-gig of benzodiazepines, is coherent enough to do basic math.

Tony will always know Bruce. That is the simplest equation in the world.

Summary

Even though he's seen the news feed and been debriefed by a singed but aggressively unflappable SHIELD agent, Rhodey's pretty sure the sound he makes when he comes face to face with The Hulk's massive head and stern glare is embarrassingly close to a squeak.

Rhodey helps put New York City back together and meets some of Tony's new friends.

Summary

"Okay. So. Kids. It can't be too hard, right? People dumber than us raise kids all the time. Not much to them. Just feed them, water them, distract them with shiny things and make sure they aren't unsupervised for too long. Speaking of which, how long has tiny-spawn been alone in your kitchen?"

Steve and Tony (and The Avengers!) from the movie!cast + child!Peter Parker with a very AU backstory involving genetic experimentation aboard an abandoned space station (but that doesn't--strangely enough--feature all that heavily).

Summary

Tony just wasn't used to not being the craziest person in his general vicinity, which was why he was caught completely unawares when Natalie--sorry, Natasha--strode into his office looking sexy and streamlined in a pencil-skirt-professional-blouse ensemble and chucked a hideous Christmas Sweater at his head.

Steve throws an Ugly Christmas Sweater party for The Avengers. Loki throws Tony out a window (again). Darcy brings her taser. There are love confessions and drunken Twister and Maria Hill in a flying car.

Summary

"Do you think this is still a training exercise, or did we just get our asses handed to us by actual bad guys?" asked Clint.

Tony, Steve, Clint and Bruce spend quality time together in a cave. Tony does not build another arc reactor (even if he sort of needs one). Steve is all Protective Leader. Clint is terrifyingly good with a knife. Bruce bleeds and snarks. There is banter and embarassing amounts of schmoop and the boys get very touchy-feely.

Written for the cap_ironman holiday fic exchange (I'm late posting it here).

Summary

"Okay, house rules,” Clint said, leaning back against the backrest of the booth they were seated at. “It can't be a random celebrity, or something. It has to be someone you actually know. Someone you'd go to if you suddenly found yourself gay and then had to have sex right away."

Steve thinks drinking with the team will be a good bonding session for their newest Avenger, but, as usually happens with his people and alcohol, things go kinda sideways.

Summary

Something strange was going on in New York City, beyond the normal oddness that permeated the milling masses, the concrete and steel. Peter knew this because his spider sense had been going crazy since breakfast. Plus people were running and screaming and there were cars exploding all around him, but that had just started.