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It’s been a couple of months since my last post and decided to do a little quick update!

I’m now at 16 stone 12 pounds so lost another huge amount which has made not only a difference to my body but my mind-set when it comes to food, drinks and exercise. The problem I have as when I get excessively stressed with my panic disorder, my IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) can occasionally make it very difficult to keep on track. It causes me with difficult stomach issues and does take it out of you 😦 However pushing through these boundaries and carrying on is the only thing you can do and symptoms do eventually improve even ust for a little while. The gym is graced by my presence upto 6 times a week and I’ve recently taken up Body Step, Spinning and Yoga.

Exercise really can be gradual and I now know how important it is along with diet to promote a healthy lifestyle.

Understanding food is key to weight loss and what it contained in these bad foods. It’s very obvious how certain foods and lifestyles can increase your weight so quickly and I think once you get your head around it, it’ll become easier.

Below is my weight loss so far…will post a before picture in another blog. Until next time……

I was diagnosed with having a Panic Disorder after suffering numerous panic attacks which got progressively worse from March 2009-June 2009.

Such a prospect felt very alien to me and unreal, such as the symptoms I’d been experiencing on top of the panic attacks like dizziness, stomach upsets, derealization, strange sensations through chest and lack of concentration. Immediately you think of serious illness which then kick started my health anxiety and over the past 8-9 months I’ve thought I’ve had every illness known to man….but I’m still here.

As human beings our bodies go into panic mode (flight mode) when faced with these type of symptoms which spur on panic attacks. For people who get diagnosed with this mental “illness” it takes a very long time to understand the ins and outs and the amount of symptoms you can experience. This in turn makes it twice as difficult for people who don’t suffer with anxiety to understand what we experience. At my worst was when I didn’t understand at all and suffered a complete breakdown where I refused to leave the house, go to work or try to do anything that might result in any type of danger as I felt I was going to die from my symptoms at any second of every day. This went on for a month until I realised….why should a relatively fit, healthy 22 year old have to go through this?

After much research through google (a panic disorder individuals worst nightmare) I came across a website called www.nomorepanic.co.uk , which was the beginning of my learning curve. It listed every single symptom I’d every experienced even through simple anxiety through to the feelings of a full blown panic attack. Their forums went on and on about health anxiety, peoples experiences and their current troubles. It was like someone who got into my mind and produced an entire website based on my thoughts. In my personal opinion I believe this condition (of which I also do not believe an illness but a disorder) is overlooked by many people as something you can just “get over”. This sometimes being apparent in doctors and medication thrown at the situation. I was put on sertraline at my worst and believe this was a stepping stone on to my recovery and return to work but this only corrects the chemical imbalance in your brain and provide a short term solution, the real work being in training your brain.

Training your brain is the ultimate challenge.

It has taken 8-9 months for me not to panic on a daily basis and if I get ill, not to believe it is a life threatening condition. My causes seem to pin-point being exposed to numerous deaths including my Mother in 2006 (delayed grief) and my current love suffering from stomach cancer and eventually passing away in July 2009. On top of the panic I felt disgusted at myself that I couldn’t fully support my partner at the time with the real advice I wanted to give as I was so terrified of life and death in general so talking about death in so much detail was a complete panic attack in itself.

I still have days when I have panicking moments and now call these my “silly” moments where I feel weak and dizzy….when I’m actually just exhausted, stomach pains….when I suffer from IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) and weird chest sensations…..concentrating on too many anxiety symptoms. At present I have about 1-2 bad days per week and by the end of this year I want to be in full recovery and deal with these situations in a normal way but training my brain is my ultimate goal.

I’d advise anyone to read up on panic disorder before judging anyone who experiences severe anxiety/panic as you may regret your reactions to someone who is crying out for help but can’t admit it as they feel they are “going crazy”. I’ll write more blogs on the symptoms of Panic Disorder and how it affects people differently in future posts but this is my basic (if you can call it that) introduction.

When we were younger, we all had dreams and aspirations we wanted to achieve when we were older. How many have you achieved and have these changed as you grew up?

Mine used to change on a weekly basis from the age of 7 even up to the present day. Back when I was under the age of 10 it was a combination of things. The things I tried were gymnastics, judo, swimming, playing the recorder, violin etc. At most I was told I was talented and could go far but like most children I changed my mind and didn’t want to do them anymore. The only aspiration that has always stayed was my passion for art/design, architecture, history and music. In my teens and after completing my GCSE’s my biggest interest was Interior Design/Architecture as it was what I was studying for my BTEC National Diploma.

My biggest dream was to get into my chosen University even though it was a far distant dream because I hadn’t done too well in my first year and re-took the beginning of the second year again. My passion and determination paid off and I was offered my place at Nottingham Trent. But I didn’t take it.

After my Mum passed away due to financial reasons I went into full-time work which I’ve never regretted it does play on my mind what could have been. 2009 would have been the year I graduated and became a BA Hons in Interior Architecture and Design and I’d hoped to become a University/College lecturer in Interiors and base my career on this and working freelance in my spare time.

These aspirations have now changed as I’ve entered my 20’s after working full-time in an international industry. My new passion is languages and culture. I’d love to travel the globe and visit these places that I work with every single day in the job I do, learn the languages I quote to translate into. Western Europe, Eastern Europe, Asia, Japan, China, the America’s, so much diverse culture that needs to be experienced.

Personal aspirations also change as you get older. I crave to meet that one special person that completes you and looking long-term the life you’d like to have with them. Very adult thoughts of owning your own home, children, pensions, life insurance..something you’d never have considered 2-3 years ago.

I’d love to know of people who have fulfilled all the aspirations/dreams and challenges they have set out to do in life and what do they feel once they’ve achieved them. My main achievement so far is becoming Student of the Year in 2006 for Interior Design watching my Mum in the audience crying her eyes out and how I’ve become and adult.

My main message is that life itself is a goal to achieve, getting through it as successfully as possible, cramming in as much as possible, working as hard as possible to experience the things you only dream about and making them a reality. My list even though appears short is incredibly detailed extensive….one of which I will work on completing for many years to come.

Growing up and achieving independance I think can be one of the most difficult things a person does.

This coming from my own personal experience after being thrown into the adult world at the age of 19 after my Mum passed away in December 2006. I’ll freely admit that I have a relatively priviledged upbringing and even though we were not incredibly well off, we didn’t often worry over money and my perception then was if I needed money I could get it. When I was in college I was a typical teenager who would spend their part time monthly wages in one shopping trip(oh them were the days!).

On the 23rd December 2006 I was thrown into the adult world. Losing my brand new car, left with outstanding debts, losing my family home and changing my entire life to surive. Giving up Uni due to financial reasons and trying to find my way but starting a completely new chapter. 2007 was my year of mistakes.

I avoided bills whilst I was unemployed like it was the plague and as they built my worries became unbearable. Taking on a loan so I could move out of the family home which I had to leave due to it being a council property, moving into a stupidly expensive privately rented 3 bedroom house with a friend I couldn’t afford, making mistakes with credit cards and eventually having to admit my failings and rent only a room and build this up again.

But…now to the positives. In the same year I secured myself a job as a Sales Administrator at a translation company, even after admitting I took on a crazy expensive house I rented rooms for nearly a year and a half, cutting my bills each time and eventually giving up driving to save even more money. In that time I’ve also been promoted to a Coroporate Account Manager and now rent a very moderately priced (still expensive) 2 and a half bedroom house and working on getting my debts out of the way by the time I’m 25. I’m also looking into starting a new degree part time whilst I work as my goal in life is to make my Mum proud and a degree is something she’d always wanted me to get.

I would love to go back to May 2007 and slap myself in the face…the person I was, was immature, inexperienced, stubborn, snobbish and just different. But then again I was a teenager and bound to make mistakes. I now love looking forward to the future, my family are my friends, I’ve built up what I’ve got and proud of what I’ve achieved. I’m proud to be a 21 year old completely independant individual and would love to tell other young people, your bound to make mistakes but everything is life experience and enjoy life for the moment and the small things, not material things.

Have always been intruged about these blogs and always wanted to start one of my own to share my views and thoughts regarding everyday life. I’ll try and leave a comment everyday on different subjects, please comment if there is anything you’d like to hear my own views on.

Well while I prepare my first blog, thanks for reading and look back soon!