Having lain dormant for decades, a terrible creature is about to awaken and threaten the peace of Tokyo city once more. Mutated to an extraordinary size by vast quantities of lager and gin and possessing unfathomable destructive power, Genghis Kong has already been sighted within the Tokyo Bay area. This is his story...

Saturday, 13 September 2008

Genghis Kong vs. International Bigotry

I've bought a new phone, and it's super pink (some of you may have already learned this via Facebook). Now those of you who know me will know that this is not such an unusual thing. I am a man who owns some pink items. Not everything I own is pink, but certainly I have been seen to wear pink occasionally. Indeed, I like to think that most people would not be shocked or scandalised to see a man in possession of pink articles or apparel.

Unfortunately it seems that this open-minded/liberal/commie way of thinking has not crossed the Atlantic to our friends in the Americas. My pink phone has literally blown the tiny minds of all the international students here. Not in a particularly good way."Dude! Why did you buy a pink phone?""I can't believe you bought a pink phone. Dude, that is so gay.""Dude! Are you gay?""Whoa dude! That phone is so gay!""Do they have gay pride marches in the UK too?""I still can't believe you bought a pink phone, dude! Are you gay?""Duuude! Piiink! Gaaay! Duuude! Spaaaaz!"for days on end. I'm genuinely shocked and surprised at just how much of a problem they all seem to have with the idea of man, who isn't gay, owning something pink. I'm gradually coming to the conclusion that they are, in fact, a complete pack of cunts. There's also a lot of"Dude, I wanna bang some chicks!""The chicks here are so hot dude!""Dude, we're gonna go out and pick up some cute chicks!""Dude! That chick was hot! Did you bang her?""Which cute chicks do you wanna bang?"Twats. I've written the word "chick" too many times now and it's stopped looking like a real word.

Anyway, I suppose I ought to show you the (in)famous phone .

I mean, sure, it is pretty fucking pink, but get over it. Jesus.

Okay! Who wants to see my new house? Yay!

This is where I sleep, watched over by the protective gaze of Adam and the Ants (to whom I pray every evening).

This is where I conduct my business, write my correspondances and every morning salute the flag and sing our National Anthem in the nude.

And this is where I prepare meals and such. You can also see a tiny part of my bathroom, which is where I mostly like to poo.

Sadly I don't have a robotic singing toilet with built in bum shower and automated rimming functionality. It's a just a regular old shitter.

Well, that was the guided tour. I hope you all enjoyed it and please don't forget to visit the gift shop on your way out.

Although I have much, much more still to write (perhaps I write too much...), I am again being dragged away from my computer to go do more exciting stuff. This evening I'm going to go meet some Japanese girls (Dude, if they're cute, I'm totally gonna bang them) for a meal, and then we're gonna go drinking in a park. I guess it's time for me to show them how strong I am.

So a brief summary of what the rest of this blog would have told you:

I'm in Japan

It's cool

It's also very hot

Japs are cool

Japs are also hot

Internationals are twats

I'm naked

But I'll have to fill you in on those points some other time, i'm afraid. So until then,