The other thing about environments where we “cope” rather than “thrive” is that it becomes hard to think strategically. I think this is why it’s often seems to be a two-step process for getting from a bad place to a good one. Also, it’s a lot easier to recognise a “less bad” environment (a manager that treats me like a human being! No more of that guy who keeps creeping on me!), than a good one.

Coping mechanisms are often not helpful in healthy environments. So one thing I’ve been asking women I know who have found healthy environments is “what coping mechanisms did you have to unlearn?”

I notice that most of these are about communication, but more than that, communication on a foundation of mutual respect.

If we look at the way the tech industry treats women, and other minorities (let’s summarise: badly), it’s really clear this effects on the way we operate, too. How could it not? I worry about the internalisation of imposter syndrome, which I’ve been confronting in myself recently. I worry that when a guy patronises and talks down to me it barely irritates me anymore because I don’t expect better. I worry that I don’t argue at all, because I hate the arguing over nothing so much my capacity to argue at all seems to have disappeared. I worry that I don’t think I really know what a healthy environment looks like. And I worry that I too have coping mechanisms I would need to unlearn, if I found one.