Archive for the ‘Socialism’ Category

I have to interrupt right here and tell you that on one of my visits — I won’t name him, I don’t want to embarrass him,- but one of the heads of state that I met with on this visit, he gave me one while I was on the way. He told me a story about the two fellas in the Soviet Union who were walking down the street. And one of them said, “Have we really achieved full Communism? Is this it? Is this now full Communism?” and the other one said, “Hell no, things are going to get a lot worse.”

Which makes me think of a story… Everything makes me think of a story. … about three dogs: an American dog, a Polish dog and a Russian dog. They are all having a visit, and the American dog was telling them how things were in his country. He said, “You know, you bark… after you bark long enough, then somebody comes along, gives you some meat.” And the polish dog said, “What’s meat?” And the Russian dog says, “What’s bark?”

I heard one about a fellow who went to the KGB to report that he lost his parrot. The KGB asked him why he was bothering them. Why didn’t he just report it to the local police. “Well,” he answered, “I just wanted you to know that I don’t agree with a thing my parrot has to say.”

One of the recent ones that I heard was about the man walking along the street at night, Moscow, Soviet soldier called to him to halt, he started to run, the soldier shot him. Another man said, “Why did you do that?” “Well,” he said, “Curfew.” “Well,” he said, “It isn’t curfew yet.” “I know, he is a friend of mine. I know where he lives. He couldn’t have made it.”

I’ve been collecting stories that are told in the Soviet Union by their people among themselves, which reveal they’ve got a great sense of humor, but they’ve also got a pretty cynical attitude toward their system. And I told this when… (well, Bill, you’ll have to hear this again), I told this in the car. I didn’t tell this one to Gorbachev.

You know, there’s a ten-year delay in the Soviet Union of delivery of an automobile, and only one out of seven families in the Soviet Union own automobiles.

There’s a ten-year wait, and you go through quite a process when you are ready to buy, and then you put up the money in advance. And this happened to a fella. And this is their story that they tell, their joke… that this man, he laid down his money. And then the fella who was in charge tells him, “Okay, come back in ten years and get your car.” And he said, “Morning or afternoon?”

And … and the fella behind the cars said, “Well, ten years from now what difference does it make?” And he said, “Well, the plumber is coming in the morning.”

You know, less than one family out of seven in the Soviet Union owns an automobile. Most of the automobiles are driven by bureaucrats. The government furnishes them, and the drivers and so forth. So an order went out one day to the police that anyone caught speeding , anyone, no matter who, gets a ticket.

Well, Gorbachev came out of his country home, his dacha. He was late getting to the Kremlin. There was his limousine and driver waiting. He told the driver to get into the back seat — he’d drive.. and down the road he went… And they pass two motorcycle cops. One took out after him. And pretty soon he is back with his buddy. And his buddy says, “Well, did you give him a ticket?” And he said, “No.” “What,” he said, “Why not?” “Oh,” he said, ” He’s too important.” “Well,” he said, “We are told to give anybody a ticket, no matter who it is!” “Oh,” he says, “No, no,” he says, “This was… I couldn’t.” “But who was it?” He said, “I couldn’t recognize him. But his driver was Gorbachev.”

The story was about an American and a Russian arguing about their two countries. And the American said look, in my country, I can walk into the oval office, I can pound on the president’s desk and say Mr. President, I don’t like the way you’re running our country. And the Russian said I can do that. And the American said you can? Yes, I can go into the Kremlin, into the general secretary’s office, pound on his desk and say Mr. General Secretary, I don’t like the way the President Reagan is running his country.

The Prime Minister:

People on all levels of income are better off than they were in 1979. The hon. Gentleman is saying that he would rather that the poor were poorer, provided that the rich were less rich. That way one will never create the wealth for better social services, as we have. What a policy. Yes, he would rather have the poor poorer, provided that the rich were less rich. That is the Liberal policy.

Yes, it came out. The hon. Member did not intend it to, but it did.

I think that the hon. Gentleman knows that I have the same contempt for his socialist policies as the people of east Europe, who have experienced them, have for theirs. I think that I must have hit the right nail on the head when I pointed out that the logic of those policies is that they would rather the poor were poorer. Once they start to talk about the gap, they would rather that the gap were that—[indicating[—down here, not this—[indicating[—but—[indicating.] So long as the gap is smaller, they would rather have the poor poorer. One does not create wealth and opportunity that way. One does not create a property-owning democracy that way.

We welcome change and openness; for we believe that freedom and security go together, that the advance of human liberty can only strengthen the cause of world peace. There is one sign the Soviets can make that would be unmistakable, that would advance dramatically the cause of freedom and peace. General Secretary Gorbachev, if you seek peace, if you seek prosperity for the Soviet Union and eastern Europe, if you seek liberalization, come here to this gate. Mr. Gorbachev, open this gate. Mr. Gorbachev, Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!

But he also enjoyed slinging barbs at certain other world capitals, particularly, Moscow and Havana.

It is said that Castro was making a speech to a large assembly. And he was going on at great length and then a voice out in the crowd said peanuts, popcorn, crackerjack. He went on speaking and again the voice said peanuts, popcorn, crackerjack. And about the 4th time this happened he stopped in his regular speech. And he said the next time he says that I’m going to find out who he is and kick him all the way to Miami.