Hello and thank you for visiting AikiWeb, the
world's most active online Aikido community! This site is home to
over 22,000 aikido practitioners from around the world and covers a
wide range of aikido topics including techniques, philosophy, history,
humor, beginner issues, the marketplace, and more.

If you wish to join in the discussions or use the other advanced
features available, you will need to register first. Registration is
absolutely free and takes only a few minutes to complete so sign up today!

Um, please don't take this the wrong way. But, would you (my grammar teacher always hated "could". Of course you are capable) explain how this story is aikido off the mat for me? Truthfully, I'm just not seeing it. I was hoping that if I gave you the chance, the open mic, maybe you'd explain how it is aikido off the mat. My promise is that I'll not debate it with you. I'll most likely ask questions to clarify what you say, but no debates on validity. No interjections on my views of aikido.

Um, please don't take this the wrong way. But, would you (my grammar teacher always hated "could". Of course you are capable) explain how this story is aikido off the mat for me? Truthfully, I'm just not seeing it. I was hoping that if I gave you the chance, the open mic, maybe you'd explain how it is aikido off the mat. My promise is that I'll not debate it with you. I'll most likely ask questions to clarify what you say, but no debates on validity. No interjections on my views of aikido.

If you don't care to discuss it, that's fine.

Thanks,
Mark

I thought it was picture perfect. She kept her calm and centered. She didn't clash but blended. She led but did not push. She did not cower nor did she fight back, but she accepted. And finally, both of them won. Neither lost. Balance restored, harmony prevailed.

Draw strength from stillness. Learn to act without acting. And never underestimate a samurai cat.

Hello,
Um, please don't take this the wrong way. But, would you (my grammar teacher always hated "could". Of course you are capable) explain how this story is aikido off the mat for me?

As the OP: she stayed centered, dealt with the global reality in front of her without necessarily buying into her partner's version of it, continued to blend and lead however long it took until harmony was restored.

Shows a lot about resolve. Her resolve was to hold the family together and it won out. Of course if the husband was actually serious about leaving and had the resolve to do so he would have just left and not look back - saying he was about to leave was merely a means of asking her to help him find the means to stay. He may have never been serious about actually acting on what he said from the beginning.

Imho perpetual blending does not always resolve conflict. It often only prolongs the inevitable. This case was different.

Imho perpetual blending does not always resolve conflict. It often only prolongs the inevitable. This case was different.

I totally agree.
In this case there are a couple of things that struck me though:
One is that she did from the start tell him "I don't buy it." She didn't do a pat "yes dear I hear you" blend. She actually stated her reaction to his attack - and she continued to reframe things. You'll note this very much took his balance - lots of "huh?"s and angry "oh you mean this...", which she continues to reframe - like from the start she had a gut feeling that it wasn't about what he said it was about so if she reframed it, it might work.
The reframing is sort of a continual kuzushi more than a continual blend, I guess, now that I think of it!

I think it has alot to do with the concept of entering as well. She entered by standing her ground and by her convictions, yet allowed him to move where he naturally wanted to go without letting go of him or pushing him away. By doing this, I think she was able to maintain her self control, not feel like a push over, yet he resolved his own problem...or something like that.

It is hard to describe in detail, but I do believe it is a fantastic story that illustrates the concept. She held on by letting go, but not by pushing away. Very skillful way of handling the issue!

Um, please don't take this the wrong way. But, would you (my grammar teacher always hated "could". Of course you are capable) explain how this story is aikido off the mat for me? Truthfully, I'm just not seeing it. I was hoping that if I gave you the chance, the open mic, maybe you'd explain how it is aikido off the mat. My promise is that I'll not debate it with you. I'll most likely ask questions to clarify what you say, but no debates on validity. No interjections on my views of aikido.

Sure, I think it's okay to debate in a forum, too. I've done so here on Aikiweb. But, I wanted Janet's view without my interfering, or debating, so that not only could she explain her view, but I could focus on understanding her view. Beyond that, I said I wouldn't debate. I stand by what I say.

At first it sounds like she was letting him walk all over her, or that she was desperate to keep him. But in actuality, she recognized a conflict, and she took the perceived best course of action so that she could acheive victory. Victory, in this case, was not allowing her husband to leave her family, and to a lesser extent, allowing him to draw her into an ongoing argument over divorce.

At the most basic level, you can ask yourself what your enemy (uke/husband) wants you to do, and then simply don't do that thing. The husband wanted her to fly off the deep end and give him a reason to leave. While I'm sure she felt the urge to flip out, and she would've been right in doing so, she instead chose to defeat her enemy with a more effective tactic.