the other “b” word

I have heard this word a many time in my life but never as much as when I became a mother.

Balance.

You see this is a dirty word to me, right up there with all my favorite cuss words.

What exactly does this mean? I mean am I supposed to magically balance all aspects of my life on plate spinners and smile because I’m a mom and supposed to be happy about it.

Hell no.

I recently stumbled upon a video of the Kardashians, particularly Kim and Kourtney’s big blow out over being a working mom.

“We all have our own priorities. Mine is being a mother…..but I wasn’t wanting more work, I already felt spread thin. Being a good mother also has a different meaning to each of us.

So.

What is being a good mother to you?

Are you juggling work life and motherhood? Is it working?

I know women that have always wanted to be just a mom.

And that to me is dope.

It is THE hardest job in the world. And if we get candid about it, most of the time I am engulfed and cringe with the duties of motherhood but the rewards are priceless.

As my kids grow I realize the time I have left to mesmerize, love and be present in their lives is pretty quick. Is it worth it? Working so hard to build that legacy but not being there fully for your kids.

Balance isn’t the ultimate goal as a mom to me, I guess. In my world, there will always be something going on, wrong or just right on time. Even if everything I planned goes right, balance means that I am totally capable of stretching myself as thin as possible all for all to go right for the sake of my insecurity….failure.

But my sanity.

Here’s why balance doesn’t work for me.

1. Work and life are one in the same.

Work, aka motherhood, and life mesh together because work dominates the majority of our days.

If you see balance as the perfect answer you still have to divvy up parts of yourself to something.

The duties don’t end, household chores, marital duties….that’s a whole ‘nother topic, friendships, family, businesses, spirituality, and then finally you. There is a time for everything and mashing them all together is pointless.

There’s no anxiety in flow, there’s no frustration or stagnation, because you’re always moving with it, being attentive and aware of how life speaks and guides you every step in every moment.

This is balance to me….

teetering on a tight rope trying to keep it all together…and my balance…hoping I don’t fall off.

2. Balance is not fluid!

I like to use the term flow. If you’ve been following me then you’ve heard this term before.

There’s no anxiety in flow, there’s no frustration or stagnation, because you’re always moving with it, being attentive and aware of how life speaks and guides you every step in every moment.

I find now that I write everything down in pencil because at any moment….

3. Quality vs Quantity

I’m not sure, but this ease of life, or grace, hit me as I turned 40. I really no longer feel the need to please people or feel bad for saying no to something I really don’t care for.

I am firm at saying NO with NO explanations and I am not afraid to take time out for me, well sometimes—still a struggle.

I am there for my kids and family 100% ok 98% of the time when and if they need me.

I am present and all in at that very moment. This is balance, giving every event happening all of you at that time. I want to be fully present and accessible when my kids need me.

I have been conditioned to this idea of being a supermom. I have placed insurmountable feets on myself all because I’m watching that fabulous mom next to me.

But she’s bat shit crazy too!

There will always be something that will be lacking in Momville but I choose to prioritize what’s most important and what will create the least anxiety and the best me.

I am not able to go against the grain of how I was built, gracefully.

I am a procrastinator, unorganized at times and run late most of the time as a mom now. You see no matter all the ‘faults’ I just listed, it all still works out for me which works out for us.

The tips are all the same.. Get organized…have a plan….work with your family…

The same stuff that is the constant chaos in this balanced life.

All I can say is don’t try to be Martha Stewart all the time. I am Martha about 2-3 days out of the week. The rest is chaos, noise, clutter and discombobulation and freakin’ toys….everywhere!

Balance does not equate to perfection. I can’t and do not want to be the perfect mom, I just want to be the best ME as a mom. I’m imperfect and full of flaws but it is okay. My kids don’t know it, my husband does lol but its all accepted this way. He’s got his thangs too lol.