But everyone else seems to have their $#!& together...

Come join with me in the ranks of the socially retarded! Raise your hand if you are not where you had always planned and hoped to be. Say "aye" if you are completely happy with how your life is going BUT.

Life is so easy to measure by what we haven't done or what we don't have. Daily, we're shown in different ways by different people how far behind we really are. Just today, two different people's travel pictures have made me realise how little of the world I've seen and reading a friend's blog about how her plans for children has made me realised just how far off that dream is. Reading A cat of impossible colour reminds me that my slack ass is yet to craft anything worth sending to a publisher at all (another life-long dream - but I love your inspiration, Andrea, don't get me wrong!). I walked out the other end of the grocery checkout yesterday to see a leaflet on houses under $300,000 and it reminded me that I don't have a home to call my own. All this talk of engagement and marriages makes me look at my naked left hand and sigh... As I've discussed recently, patience is not my strong point. I want all of it and I want it now.

What's my antidote? Reasoning and planning. How does this work?

Travel - most of the travel pics that make me jealous are people on their OE. An OE has just never appealed to me. If I'm going overseas, I want it to be purely on holiday and if that means that it takes me a while longer to get to exotic European destinations so be it. I'm also making travel a priority in my financial life, saving for my travels to Sydney next year and a trip to one of the french polynesian islands (as a 25th birthday present) in 2010.

Marriage and babies - I can't plan anything for this. In fact, planning to be married and have children by certain ages is part of what has me feeling socially retarded. With this I just have to put my faith that this will happen at the right time and with the right person - I reason with myself that being unmarried and child-free is better than being a divorced, solo mother (not that there is anything wrong with that, I just don't feel that its a path I could handle very well).

Writing - this is a bit more of a challenge and if I'm going to be perfectly frank, it's something that I just really need to get my ass into gear on. When I get sad about this one, I remind myself that I only have myself to blame - there is absolutely no one and nothing but a lack of time set aside stopping me from achieving this one.

Buying a house (and other big financial goals) - I have to appreciate that there is a finite amount that my student dollar can stretch and that I made the choice to go back to university in order to pursue a career that I am truly passionate about. Here again, planning helps. My hope is to save my dosh over summer break 09/10 and the first six months of 2010 (with full time money!!) to buy a replacement car for my old bomb and then save furiously for a downpayment on a small wee house or unit that I can cover the mortgage myself. I've got this urge to have a place of my own... regardless of size :D

So this is how I handle being behind where I want to be - it also helps to talk to others and realise that regardless of what goals they have achieved, there are areas that they've fallen behind. So share with Aunty Scribbles... where do you feel you're lagging behind?

8 comments:

Ugh, I'm behind in a lot of things. Job: I'm late 20's and just started a program for school. Hopefully next year I'll get into grad school and then another two years before I finish. I'll almost be 30. A lot of my friends are settled in careers, although a few of them took a while to get there, so I'm not completely alone.House: no way am I going to be able to afford a house (for at least a few years) after I'm finished with school.Marriage: I'm married, but living away from the hubs while I'm in school. Boo!So I too have felt the sting of being a little behind one's peers in the game of life.

Ah, yes - home envy! Owning my own unit/home is definitely one of my first and foremost goals - I have dreamed of it forever! I've told myself that after my holiday, college fees and braces, I'm going to start saving - my goal is to own something/have paid the down payment by the time I'm 30! xx

I'm definitely not where I thought I would be. I spent 3 and 1/2 years in grad school completing a Master's and then a Specialist's just to discover I didn't want to be a counselor anymore. I always assumed I would have kids, but now I don't think I want to (who knows, I may change my mind). Honestly, I feel like a different person. I've rebelled against everything I was supposed to be right now. It's not easy disappointing everyone... but it feels very liberating.

*raises hand* I am so with you. I keep reminding myself I am married & I own a home, but there is SOOO much more going on around me and I feel like I'm being left behind! I am completely over my job and it kills me going every day, i have very few friends, I never find the time to do anything crafty, it seems as though everyone I went to school with has started their own businesses or have awesome jobs or are traveling the world. Gah!

I don;t think you are behind at all! I have no plans to buy a house, i haven't really quite found my passion yet and there are no plans for babies or marriage and i'm also 23. People go back to uni when they are 50 to change their careers, at least you have come to the conclusion that you weren't happy where you were so you're taking a step in the right direction to get to a happier place. I don't think you can measure yourself against anyone else because they are all probably lost and feeling behind too, as long as you have a direction you'll be just fine! Yay for being 23... we are still young!!

This post resonated with me too as a lot of the time I compare what I don't have with what my friends do have; eg. house, partners/hubbies. I think it is normal for us to all feel dissatisifed with our lives when we compare them to those around us. What I do, is to turn all the negatives into positives- eg. I don't have a house, but I sure as hell don't have a huge mortgage that would make my life harder to live at the moment. eg. I don't always have a full-time wage so I can't be as frivilous with my money as my friend who do work full time do, but the reason I don't have the extra $$$ is because I am studying for my honours year, which means I will have higher earning capabilites.

Just remember, a lot of your friends are probably jealous of some of the things that you have going on in your life. Everyones lives are different too and you can't always predict your future. It seems like you have a solid plan for the next couple of years, and also know what you really want!

@Meri - wow that must be hard living away from hubby! Hugs!@Miss Corrine - property coveting... I has it :( Even worse after meeting with a friend yesterday and her talking about her and hubby looking for an investment property!@Annie - I know how weird it feels to get out the other side of schooling and realise that its not what you want to do... it's an odd feeling.@Paper Doll and Alla- I also think that part of the issue is that it doesn't seem okay to talk about, yet when you bring it up, everyone tends to feel inadequate in some way.

About Me

I'm a 20-something woman living in Auckland, New Zealand. I'm getting married to SB - my other half, my darling, my "stunning buns" - in June and love having met my soul-dork! I teach English Lit and Drama at a high school level and enjoy working with teens - crazy I know!

I also run a small business called Bee Of Service - see the link below - and attempt to be a domestic goddess... I don't think I know how to be bored! Occasionally you'll also see posts on this page about my struggles with PCOS, what it's like to have a sister with intellectual disabilities and how I cope with having a parent with incurable cancer. But it's mostly the rainbow farts of unicorns!