The conversation did not exist in a vacuum. I didn't say "I had an affair. You need to get help."

I told her about my affair, all of the disgusting, shameful details. When communication began shifting that direction, when I realized where it was going, how I failed to respond accordingly, and what it finally resulted in. After plenty of crying the conversation naturally turned to "what now?" That conversation naturally turned toward counseling. This was a nearly 3 hour tear-fest.

I understand that not seeking help is not good. I can't force my wife to go to counseling though. All I can do is go myself and hope/pray that she eventually joins me.

For those suggesting that her unwillingness to seek help lends validity to my actions or to pursuing a divorce, I disagree. I am responsible for my actions, and my actions were wrong regardless of whether her own behavior is right or wrong. The rightness or wrongness of my actions are not dictated by the rightness or wrongness of her behavior. Also, any qualified opinion I have on the rightness or wrongness of her behavior is basically invalidated by my affair. I don't have a right to complain right now...

I am being removed from my position as pastor, but the elders are still trying to determine the best way to handle this publicly. It will involve some sort of public response. My assistant is also no longer in her position as there's no one for her to assist with me gone. For those wondering why I said that I will be removed at the very least temporarily, I am being removed completely from my pastoring position. I am not being removed from the congregation though. And God may one day use me as a pastor again. But this isn't just a leave of absence. I am out of my position altogether.

The assistant was approached by the pastor and his wife. I was assured that the blame would not be pushed upon her and that she would be approached in a gentle and loving manner. Our instructions are clear though. She is no longer an assistant. I am no longer pastor. She is not allowed to interact with my wife or me. I am not allowed to interact with her. My wife is allowed to approach her, but she has no desire to do so at this time. She did not come to evening service last night, and I suspect she will not be coming to church for a while (anymore?). She says she doesn't wish to make this public at all, and that's one of the reasons the elders are still discussing how to make this public to the congregation. The current thoughts are that they will explain that I am being asked to step down to focus on healing within my own marriage. Our church is actually a small congregation in a small town, and the elders are actually very concerned that this might lead to a collapse or split of some sort. Hopefully the fact that I intend to remain at the church and support the elders' decision will discourage this.

I ask that any of you who are able, please join me in praying (and fasting?) for my wife, my church family, my wife's former best friend, and myself.