Thursday, 29 March 2012

The midwife rubbed her hands together and said, "Ooh let's have a good feel". And she did. Prodded and pressed, Marmaduke was lying obliquely, back and head down, diagonally across my belly. Then he moved so she chased him around with the doppler for a while whilst he moved again and again, "He is active isn't he. Wonderful! And a good size too." I heard the cord whooshing and his heart knocking. All good. There is pain and there are twinges but nothing she was worried about. My blood pressure is lower than it was at 16 weeks. All good. Nothing showing up in the urine test. All. good.

I have to keep repeating it. All. good. Because the panic is never too far away. Those damned what if's plague me when I wake up (frequently) at night to turn from one painful hip to the other. Move. Please move a little bit. And he does. He's very accommodating of his mother's anxieties although he rarely leaves it at just "a little bit" and proceeds to keep me awake for a while. And, of course, I don't mind one little bit. Even when he does some DIY on my bladder.

I told the midwife that I wasn't keen on the idea of induction. "Well, you don't have to you know. Just speak to the consultant... or perhaps leave it until you are closer and see how things are going. We are here for you after all." I love this woman.

15 weeks left. Or 14 if I do let them induce me at 39 weeks. Sometimes it feels like an eternity and sometimes it's frightening how fast it's going by.

Thursday, 22 March 2012

I haven't had a bath in well over three years. No I'm not perpetually dirty: I do shower from time to time. Honest. The last time I had a bath I was pregnant with George and, like the swimming pool, it felt so wrong. But a few nights ago my hips were aching badly and Ray suggested that perhaps a warm bath before bedtime might just help.

Bath bomb, bubble bath, radio, babystuff catalogue to make hopeful lists from and I was ready.

So, with not a little trepidation, I lowered myself into the bubbles. Ahhh. It felt good. Just like the swimming pool now feels good. I relaxed. My hips relaxed. Marmaduke began to wriggle and I was rewarded with a display of belly wobbling from within. I laughed out loud. He did it again. Amazing.

This whole, being-pregnant-beyond-20-weeks-and-5-days thing is amazing, wonderful, incredible and very very scary.

The bath helped my hips for a while and the moving show helped my tattered heart, for a while. Anxiety is never far away but what a lovely way to drive it away, for a while.

Saturday, 10 March 2012

Well, I'm still going, still pregnant, still worrying and still coping. Just. 22 weeks, can you believe it?

Thank you all for your helpful comments about my aching hips. I have an extra duvet folded under my sheet, pillows either side of me and one between my knees. Turning over in the night is a mission and my hips still hurt. Ray said he dreamed he was driving down a cobbled street last night and woke up to me turning over. Hmm.

I visited the obstetric physiotherapist yesterday, oops was I supposed to bring my maternity notes?

I was woman handled, prodded and poked, bent and stretched. Ow.

It seems as if I have certain unpronounceable muscles in spasm in my hip/buttock area that need a darned good stretching with a couple of exercises and Ray was shown how to push his elbow into them each night to try to release the spasm. Ow.

This is what's causing the hip pain along with general hormonal relaxin slackness and wimpy weak core muscles, so I have to pull Marmaduke in with my belly muscles and hold a few times a day. He seems to like this.

I'm not allowed to do breast stroke at the pool any more. Boo. Front crawl is fine but better with a float between my ankles and bobbing about and general floating is to be positively encouraged. Hooray.

I have some tenderness in the pubic bone area but not enough to need an industrial sized support, crutches or a wheelchair. Hooray.

It's great that we try to get out and walk every day but I have to stop and rest more often.

Warmth for the hips and ice for the pubic area (bahahahah... as if I'm putting a bag of frozen peas down there!).