Spoof news stories from Thursday 1 September 2005

BOSTON (ARF)-The first map of the entire Republican genome gives scientists a chance to look at the evolutionary traits that make human beings unique and unlike the much detested species of Homo Sapien Republicanisis.

New Orleans -- Everything's fine. The smell of French cooking and sound of jazz wafting out the windows of clubs in the French Quarter. Locals snickering about the "Blessed relief from tourists" they've finally gotten. Hurricane...

Cambridge, Massachusetts -- A comparison of the genomes of chimpanzees and politicians shows "incredible similarity" according to scientists. Yet behavioral differences, such as walking upright, prevarication, and starting international co...

A new over-the-counter pill has been approved by the FDA for use in high-achieving kids. The drug stimulates the nervous system much like coffee, but with no adverse side effects apparent after a full two days of testing on ten adults. Many parents...

Washington: President Bush today recommended a "zero tolerance" policy towards looters. "Food, water, plasma TV's, it's all the same. If it doesn't belong to someone, that means, if they stole it, that it wasn't the...