I pray every woman/you remembers the Source of her/your beauty. It is an individual non-cookie cutter thang.

Pretty is one surface-level thing.Beautiful resides in another deep realm.Pretty can get dates and maybe a full social calendar.Beautiful experiences the most honest love and nourishing relationships. Pretty is temporary.Beautiful is eternal.Pretty can turn heads, get free stuff, and maybe generate certain erect body parts.Beautiful invokes the deepest eye contact that pierces the surface and reveals a soul-to-soul ❤️2❤️connection.

It often appears more attention is placed on pretty. That pretty = an easier life. But does it = a more rewarding enriching life?

So many, including me, don't possess the facial geometric configuration or the body composition that constitutes what some force might deem conventionally pretty. And many of us have lived under a self-imposed tyranny of "less-than" where considerations and follow-through of rhinoplasty, augmentation, tucks, lifts, skin lightening, hair straightening, etc. etc. run the gamut.

I see photos of peeps like Li'l Kim. Unrecognizable today. It does something to me.

Instead of racing for pretty, why not aim to be Beautiful?

Why settle for just enough when you can be wealthy?

Feel good and kick ass 💥

Want more on confidence?​Chapter 1 of my upcoming book "Feel Good Kick Ass Confidence" is now available! Cultivate and own your juju from within to transcend your perceived limitations and live your life fueled by your dreams and desires.

Today I'm going to talk a little more about how envy fueled a specific desire I wasn't even aware of and...how I got that desire two weeks ago.

So I have this new friend I met during a coaching/personal and professional development program I've been deeply immersed in since April of this year. (Let's call my new friend Cynthia).

This program has exponentialized my skill as a coach, at helping my private coaching clients resolve their desires and create juice to bring those desires to pass.

One month ago, Cynthia and I were in a small group of people just chit chatting away. Another gal who wasn't present, Brooke, got brought up in the conversation. To which Cynthia said, "Oh yeah, Brooke. She's my client."

David goes, "Oh you mean like the peer coaching we do?"

Cynthia: "No, I mean as in Brooke hired me to coach her around this very specific thing I'm really good at and she struggles with."

In that moment, I felt a pang of envy. Although I didn't have the words to articulate it then, the desire beneath the envy was this: I wanted someone in our coaching program to see something in me that they want in their life so much so that they'd hire me to coach them to help them receive it.

I felt that envy. I felt the desire. I let it pass. And didn't think about it again really...until yesterday.

I received a text message from a gal in our program, asking to do an exploratory session with me, to help her identify and get really clear about the things she is most desiring in her life professionally, romantically, and with her health.

We scheduled our exploratory call for today.

By the end of the call, she hired me to coach her in bringing her desires to fruition.

In one month, I have received the desire that was masked by my envy.

Remember my friendly challenge to you at the end of my previous post? Well, I have a modification for you today.

Try this out next time Envy pays you visit:1. Look at your underlying desire. What do you want that the other person has? 2. Once you've clearly identified what the driving force desire is, great! Go about the business of living your life and don't spend much, or any, mental energy thinking about it.

I won't make any guarantees that you'll receive your desire in one month.

What I will say though, is that you can get in relationship with your envy and use it as your ally to pull your desires into your life.

How often do you experience envy?Are you even aware of it when it arises?

Envy is one of those insidious emotions that can ruin the experience of feeling (and ultimately having) your desires. It can also stop you dead in your tracks from going after and receiving your own dreams.

I had a falling out with a friend about 5 years ago. Last October I was randomly browsing Facebook and one of her recent posts popped up on my feed. It described an incredible success she'd been having in her business.

I "couldn't help myself" so I Google'd her business, visited her Twitter page, and read an abundance of rave reviews about her work.

By the end of this exercise in self-flagellation, I felt drained upset, and deeply envious.

Can you relate to this?

Fortunately, I was aware enough (of my emotional state and of the thoughts running a racket in between my ears) that I was able to identify what the real thing was behind all this emotion.

That thing was my desire.

It was my desire to create an impact in my work in the way that I saw that she had.It was my desire to attract collaborators and help for my business in that I saw that she had.

And that's where the energy softens.

One of the ways to transmute the energy of ENVY into POWER, CONFIDENCE, andCONNECTION is to get in touch with your desire.👭

The initial hit of Envy in and of itself isn't necessarily a bad thing.

It's what you do with it!

Here's your assignment...if you're ready to accept this mission!

Start with this next time Envy hits.1. Look at your underlying desire. What do you want that the other person has? 2. Is there some part of you that doesn't think you can have it?

Let me know how it goes!

Like Feel Good Kick Ass on Facebook by clicking the image above!

]]>Wed, 15 Jun 2016 22:52:54 GMThttp://www.feelgoodkickass.com/blog/kick-fomos-assI've been thinking a lot recently about envy in relation to social media.

You're feeling all fine about life then come across a Facebook friend's post and soon afterwards your feel-good juju turns to sadness or this pervasive sense that something's actually wrong. You should be doing more. You should be doing something else. This isn't enough.

The acronym used to describe this phenomenon is FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out.

In the video below, I describe a recent experience kicking FOMO's arse.

Additional Registration options:2. Register now for one ticket - $10 in advance (Register at https://squareup.com/store/feel-good-kick-ass/item/rock-your-life-danceshop-tm)3. Bring 3 people and your registration is free. Email info@feelgoodkickass.com to make arrangements.4. Pay $15 at the doorOnce you've registered you and your peeps, make it a goal to spark a connection with another Danceshop attendee that can last beyond May 28.You never know who you'll meet, and the kind of support you'll receive to bring more and more desires into existence down the line!

]]>Thu, 31 Mar 2016 21:35:06 GMThttp://www.feelgoodkickass.com/blog/what-i-learn-from-dance-classThe choreography was playing a serious game of twister with my mind and body. This was Urban Hip Hop class and I was straight up L O S T two-thirds of the way into the routine.

Teacher man would run the choreo and I’d analyze his movements, doing them along with him. But then he stopped running the moves with us completely. And I stopped dancing.

Our befuddlement was so palpable that it inspired him to say, “What are you guys going to do when I stop dancing with you? Y’all gotta stop relying on me for the moves.”

Hmmm. Y’all gotta stop relying on me for the moves.

My silent rebuttal: “But I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. So how can I not look at you?”

Contrary to his playful threat, Mr. Teach did continue running the moves with us (and adding more) for the rest of the class; however, I tried a different approach. I stopped looking at him so hard. I only looked at him for reference and spent most of the time focusing on my movements; thereby forcing my brain to actually recall what we had been working on. Then I was able to take ownership of the movements and make them mine. And I had fun.

In flipping how I approached this insanely challenging class, I found that the opposite of my original thinking was true: I was lost because I was relying more on the teacher than I was relying on myself. To my surprise, I retained the choreography better and walked out of class feeling like I actually danced. I felt good and I was proud of myself.

Was it a fluke? I tried it out in another challenging class – West African. Mr. Teacher taught a rather involved sequence of moves. My initial thought, “Ugh, how am I going to remember this?” But I used him as reference instead of go-to from the get-go. I also softened my gaze and took in the big picture, seeing myself in relation to the other dancers in the room. This expanded my references and released my reliance on any one person. Class was a success. I had a great time; I creatively expressed myself and I retained the choreography.

Teachers guide, but they’re not there to play the game nor dance the dance for us. There comes a point when we have to take our eyes off the instructor and make the dance our own.

Do you tend to rely more on a guru than on yourself? Do you use teachers, mentors, and guides as crutches rather than stepping stones? I challenge you to shift your focus from them onto yourself.

Mindset: I can’t do it on my own. It’s too hard.Mindshift: Hard does not mean impossible. Challenges are opportunities for growth. I’m willing to take the leap and trust myself, thereby putting the teachers in my life in their appropriate place.

And these are the classes I'm talking about...I'm in the white shirt and sweat pants on the right.

And I'm in the red tank top below.

FGKA has a Facebook page where you can receive daily tips, jokes, and insights to feel good, kick ass, and rock your life.

Like the page by clicking the image below!

]]>Sat, 26 Mar 2016 04:47:14 GMThttp://www.feelgoodkickass.com/blog/your-dream-job-in-your-dream-bodyDo you feel overwhelmed with keeping your body tight AND making those professional changes you've been dying to make? Here's some inspiration just for you!

Receive daily inspiration on the Facebook page. Click on the image below to Like the page.

As 2015 swiftly comes to a close, here's some food for thought about what you'd like to create for 2016. I wrote this article in 2013, but the information is still relevant. Enjoy! And Happy New Year.

A different kind of resolutionIt’s been many years since I’ve set a new year’s resolution. The resolutions process is a little devoid of heart and depth. It’s been too easy for me to get caught up in the minutiae of crossing things off lists, without connecting to the heart behind it all. Before you know it, I’m involved in a soul-less conquest and the question of the week, month and year is whether or not I did or didn’t do this thing I said I was going to do. Burnout city, here I come!

When I got honest with myself, the real reason I set goals anyway was because I thought the attainment would have me feel a certain way – perhaps invigorated, thrilled, accepted, accomplished, any plethora of feeling tones. But what happens after the goal is achieved? The feeling soon wears off and it’s off to the races to slay yet another dragon.

Then I thought, why don’t I just cut to the chase and go for the feeling first? Let’s go for the real desire. The reason behind the goal. What is the thread that weaves the story of my life together? When I operate from this space, the experiences become the icing on the cake rather than the flour on which the cake is based.

This year I’m trying something different: setting annual themes. Annual themes are qualities, adjectives or expressions I intend to make the focus of my year. This idea of themes came about during a recent session with a life strategist/business coach.

The gist of creating a theme is fairly simple. It involves contemplating questions like:

How do I want to live? Not what do I want to do or accomplish, but what kinds of experiences do I want to draw into my life?

How do I want to comport myself?

If my year had a mood or a disposition, what would it be?

What’s the thread that weaves it all together?

Two of my three 2013 themes are: Authenticity and No Apologies. When I think about what these mean to me, a clear picture arises. The picture involves how I’m acting, who I’m with, what I’m doing and, most importantly, how I’m feeling.

What do I do with these themes now that I have them? Well, as I’m faced with a decision whether or not to do something, go somewhere, socialize with certain people, I ask myself: Does this decision, experience, action, relationship support my annual themes? Does this support how I want to feel this year?

If yes, full speed ahead. If not, then sorry Charlie, gotta go! This process very much applies to large-scale decisions as well as everyday encounters.

In the short time I’ve adopted themes, I can say I already prefer it over resolutions. Don’t get me wrong, I still do create goals and actions, but the generated lists have a different timber. More genuine and inspired. I can make to-do scrolls and resolutions in my sleep. (And I actually have). But this idea of themes is simple and carries with it an opportunity to live with deeper meaning. And at the end of the day, that’s what I really want anyway.

-----------

P.S. Check this out HERE if you want accountability, guidance, and support in living your 2016 dream life. If you're reading this after December 31, 2015 READ THIS.

Alright alright. You've made 10,000 steps a day your goal. But if you work in an office or spend most of your day sitting in front of a laptop, then you may not get your activity in until you get to the gym later. Even then, an hour workout at the gym won't net you your 10K. You're more likely to accumulate 50K or 60K, IF you're taking a steps-laden cardio-heavy class like ZUMBA.

So you tell yourself, "I'm going to take breaks during the day." You set your timer to get up from your desk for a 10-minute walk once an hour, but you're so seeped in your work and in the zone that the alarm dings and you bypass it.

Before you know it, work day's done and you've only taken two 10-minute walking breaks (avg. 2400 steps) when your goal was 6 breaks.

I know firsthand how challenging it can be to take those much-needed breaks. Sometimes getting in those 10,000 steps seems to be virtually impossible, especially when you've got a mountain of work before you.

I've also had a chiropractor come into my former office environment sharing with us the risk for spinal complications and carpel tunnel by staying in that one seated position for way too long. She recommended we get up once every 30 minutes to stretch or take a break, even if it was for just a couple minutes.

So I thought up a simple system (designed to spread your steps out over the course of the day) that takes the thinking out of this whole steps-and-stretch thing. When I follow it, I feel fulfilled and energized.

***Caveat: You won't accumulate all 10,000 steps from just doing this system so NOPE, this does not replace your 60-minute hike, jog, gym or dance class. This simple approach is intended for you to get about HALF your steps in. I thought this up because I found that even after teaching the most energetic ZUMBA classes, I would get only 70% of my steps in for the day. And if I wasn't spending much of my day walking and the rest of the time at a desk, then I had to make the concerted effort to get in the rest of those steps.

Anyway, try this and let me know how it goes!

Here's the basic concept, or what I call the 30-5-45 Rule:- Stand up and stretch after 30 min.- Go for a 5 min. walk every 45 minutes.

Alarm dings after 30 min. That's your get-up-and-stretch break. Just stand up and pace your room and do light stretches for a few seconds.

Set the timer for another 15 minutes, which will take you to the 45-minute mark. When the alarm dings, you leave your workspace and walk around, preferably outdoors, for 5 minutes.

Repeat 8 times, or for however long you'll be working sedentarily.

Why It Works:

My average walking speed at a moderate pace (between sauntering and speed walking) covers about 120 steps a minute. That means I'm covering about 600 steps during each 5-minute walking break. Do this for 8 times and you're at 4800 steps. Not bad.

After that chiropractor visited us at the former workplace, I made moving every 30 minutes a goal, but I quickly found myself not digging the disruption of my workflow to be getting up to walk every 30 minutes. What assuaged my psyche and justified the 5-minute walk was getting up every 45 minutes. That extra 15 minutes flipped the switch and made the breaks more manageable on my workload and my mind. Also, setting the 30 min. stretch break fulfilled that desire to follow the healthy recommendation to get up and stretch while also knowing I didn't have to travel far.

I'm an advocate of walking in fresh air (or as fresh as you can get if you work in a place like L.A. or NY). Here's the very cool thing about this. The project you couldn't pry yourself away from just may be subject to new solutions and ideas as a result of taking that walk. I actually got the idea to write this blog post during my 5-minute walk while working on my laptop one day.

Here's a tip to help you follow this: After the 30 min. alarm, mentally prep yourself to realize that 15 minutes from now you will get up and go for that walk.

Simple huh?

OK. Let's say you're thinking, "This sounds great Val. But, eh. I don't know. I don't think I'll have the time to really do all this."

What's that about? So here's the deal. I'm a big fan of aligning your mindset with your new behaviors designed to evoke an important change you want to experience. But how many times have you taken on some new resolution or scheme without doing that mindset work?

When your mind, spirit, and actions are all aligned, watch how unstoppable you become!

P.S. While writing this entry, I came across a very cool BBC article The slow death of purposeless walking. It has a different take on walking and touches on the connection between walking, thinking, and quality of life. I enjoyed it and got something valuable from reading. Hope you do too.

]]>Thu, 05 Nov 2015 22:09:09 GMThttp://www.feelgoodkickass.com/blog/whats-your-motto-to-achieve-your-dreamsI recently had the opportunity to be featured as a guest contributor on She's Next, a portal that empowers women to create financial, social, and spiritual freedom.

The question I addressed was:What's your motto and how does it help you achieve your dreams?

In this under-2-minute video, I discuss what it means to say yes first, then get ready and how this particular motto has helped me do things I would surely NOT have done otherwise.

As you watch, I invite you to consider how you can start implementing this motto in your own life.