A Heated Debate Between Two Charismatic Geniuses: A Cardinal Fan (Jeff Lung) and a Tiger Fan (Allen Krause)

Hippie-pocalypse

The problem is, we forgot to include a survival guide for overcoming the undead already among us. No, I’m not talking about Dick Cheney or anyone else with a pacemaker. I’m talking about something much, much scarier. Hippies.

We all know people who just don’t understand when it’s time to give up or time to go. Names that come to mind immediately include such luminaries as Jamie Moyer, Brett Favre and Roger Clemens. But what about the hippies? Seriously, these guys have been going at it since the 60’s at least. If you want to lump the Beats in there with them, you’re going back even further. C’mon man, pot and patchouli are cool but at some point you have to give it a rest.

Now, there’s no denying that the hippies have given us some wonderful things. There’s no way that VW could have stayed afloat long enough to give us the new Beetle if it wasn’t for the hippies buying up all the VW vans. And where would we be without tie-dye? I’d be missing at least one shirt, that’s for sure.

But at some point you have to accept that your revolution has reached it’s natural end and move on to something new. For instance, try on some skinny jeans and an ironic t-shirt and join the hipster movement. At least the name is similar. That’s helpful when you’re working with less than a full contingent of brain cells.

Here’s the thing, the anti-hippie revolution is already underway and if Malaysia has put their foot down, other civilized countries can’t be far behind. The bell has tolled, hippies. Time to wake up. Jerry Garcia is gone, Timothy Leary is dead (I think) and pot is almost legal. Hm, now that I think about it, maybe we should be writing a guide on helping hippies reintegrate instead of marginalizing them further……..Nah. Stupid hippies.

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