Christina Aguilera and her boyfriend got sloshed, then arrested, last night. An actress names her children "Ptolemy" and "Winter." Leonardo DiCaprio trades "tender" kisses with a man. Tuesday gossip spent the night in a drunk tank.

Christina Aguilera has been arrested! Apparently she and boyfriend Matthew Rutler were arrested in West Hollywood at 2:45AM this morning, for public intoxication and driving under the influence, respectively. Matthew's bail is $30,000; Christina was "extremely intoxicated" and "unable to take care of herself." Somewhere, Lindsay Lohan is breathing a giant sigh of relief: Finally, another criminally troubled female A-lister to take the pressure off. Also, Christina's booking report says she's 5'2" and 100 lbs., in case you were wondering. [TMZ, image via Pacific Coast News]

Speaking of LiLo, TMZ describes the infamous surveillance video that supposedly shows Lindsay stealing a $2,000 necklace: "Lindsay wore the necklace almost the entire time she was in the store… video shows Lindsay trying on the necklace, checking herself out in the mirror, and appearing to ask her friend and the store owner for their opinion… with the necklace in plain view, Lindsay is seen talking to the owner for several minutes before strolling out." Doesn't sound too thieving, but this description is like a high school English class lesson in the power of word choice: If, instead of "strolling out," they had said "slinking out," we'd probably all think she was guilty right now. With great power comes great responsibility, TMZ. [TMZ]

Anne Hathaway and James Franco "hate each other" because Annie is an overeager try-too-hard, and James is a lazy slacker. I don't know if I believe this. Too obvious. Also, overeager try-too-hards are always the people who "don't believe in hate." If anything, Annie and James are frenemies. [Us]

Speaking of Anne Hathaway, she got $750,000 to wear jewelry at the Oscars. Gwyneth Paltrow got paid $500,000, though the exact figures are disputed. So we have actually evolved to the point that celebrities aren't just borrowing their red carpet wear for free, making enough money to feed, clothe, and house a dozen nuclear families for a couple hours of bauble-wearing. [Us]

Speaking of the Oscars, Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal ran into each other at an after-party, and the world did not immediately melt into a puddle of tears and mascara-stained kleenex. Good job, Swyllenhaal. [People]

Madonna's see-through Oscars skirt "embarrassed" daughter Lourdes Leon, who was "heard pleading, 'Mum, do you have to?!' every time her poster parent struck a pose and poked out her posterior for the waiting cameras." Clearly this item is a lie: Lourdes is way too American to use words like "Mum." [DailyMail, image via Getty]

Leonardo DiCaprio kissed Armie Hammer for biopic J. Edgar, and says it was "done in a very tender way." Now we just have to get Armie to play his own twin for a tender loving twincest porno, and we'll have a real moneymaker. [E!]

Charlie Sheen "goddesses": Enjoying their 15 minutes. The marijuana bikini model got a guitar lesson from a former member of Korn. He looks like he's deciding whether this qualifies as a career high or low. [TMZ]

In other Charlie Sheen news, Warner Bros. has agreed to pay the crew of Two and a Half Men for the four weeks they would have worked, had Charlie not gone completely insane. This should slow the rate at which they leak dirt to the tabloids from "rushing waterfall" to a mere "swiftly flowing gutter." [TMZ]

"MTV Star Arrested, Smears Poop on Jail Cell." Coincidentally, "smearing human feces on the walls of your prison" is the how they pitched the first season of The Real World. [TMZ]

For Valentine's Day, comedian Steve Harvey sent a box of chocolates to his ex-wife, with a gag order inside. Comedians make the worst exes. [TMZ]

Vanessa Hudgens might be dating a co-star, having broken up with former co-star Zac Efron in December. Can't stay away from the company inkwell, that one. [People]

Gretchen Mol had a baby and named her Winter Morgan Williams. Her previous child is a boy named Ptolemy John Williams. [People]