Material Girl

I was flipping through one of those women's magazines that no one ever admits to reading when an ad caught my eye.

I was flipping through one of those women's magazines that no one ever admits to reading when an ad caught my eye.

It was an ad for jewelry -- a special kind that comes in many colors and styles, rings and bracelets glistening brightly from the pages. Diamonds scattered over them, these rings were in the vivid colors of lime, orange and cobalt blue. The bracelets and bangles also came in vibrant colors and varied styles. The rings were stackable and interchangeable, the bracelets mix and match. Chalk up another success for Madison Avenue. I was hooked.

I just had to have (at least) one of those rings. It didn't matter that I didn't need any jewelry (who ever needs jewelry?) and it didn't matter that we couldn't afford it.

SEDUCED BY GLITTER

I had to have that ring.

Sometimes our drive for material things is almost palpable, experienced in an intensity comparable to our most basic physical urges.

I was completely distracted by the overwhelming need for this piece of glitter.

Glitter has always been attractive. Our tradition teaches us that an angel had to move Moses' hand away from sparkling royal jewels to hot coals so as not to anger Pharaoh.

Our forefather, Jacob, was chagrined that he had no jewelry to present to Rachel his future wife, having been robbed along the way.

Even our sages recognize the desire for beautiful ornaments. It is a commandment on the three pilgrimage festivals for a man to buy his wife a new piece of clothing or jewelry

PASSION FOR POSSESSIONS

So there I was, in the throes of passion for yet another material possession, once again deluding myself that when I got this ring I'd never want another material thing again -- a very unsuccessful delusion since the whole idea of this type of jewelry was that you keep adding different colored bands.

But how many times have you said to yourself, "As soon as I get that –- fill in the blank -– black skirt, white blouse, taupe shoes, gold necklace ... I'll never need another thing"?

I couldn't wait. I started plotting when to get to the jewelry store, located in a particularly inconvenient spot. I decided that I'd go after my Wednesday morning class, calming myself down with the idea of a plan.

MATERIAL VS. SPIRITUAL DESIRES

But as we say: "man plans and God laughs." The class I was teaching immediately preceding my shopping expedition involved the death of our patriarch, Abraham. The Torah says that Abraham died satisfied, and one of the commentators explains this was because he had no material desires.

Only someone whose goals are totally spiritual could die satisfied.

Since it says in the Talmud that "no man dies with half his desires satisfied," only someone whose goals are totally spiritual could die satisfied. Only someone who is focused on the essence of life and sees the physical world as a tool to help serve the Almighty will die satisfied.

I made the point. I belabored the point. And I looked at myself. How could I in good conscience go buy that ring now? I know I always learn from teaching, and I know who this lesson was really directed at.

The lesson achieved its goal, I accepted the implied criticism and I crumpled up the advertisement.

I am grateful for the opportunity to teach and learn and hope that I will always grow from my Torah classes. The magazine and the ad are now inaccessible, consigned to the trash heap... but if anybody wants to buy me a present, I'm sure I could find the name...

About the Author

Emuna Braverman has a law degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters in in Clinical Psychology with an emphasis on Marriage and Family Therapy from Pepperdine University. She lives with her husband and nine children in Los Angeles where they both work for Aish HaTorah. When she isn''t writing for the Internet or taking care of her family, Emuna teaches classes on Judaism, organizes gourmet kosher cooking groups and hosts many Shabbos guests. She is the cofounder of www.gourmetkoshercooking.com.

I've been striving to get more into spirituality. But it seems that every time I make some progress, I find myself slipping right back to where I started. I'm getting discouraged and feel like a failure. Can you help?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Spiritual slumps are a natural part of spiritual growth. There is a cycle that people go through when at times they feel closer to God and at times more distant. In the words of the Kabbalists, it is "two steps forward and one step back." So although you feel you are slipping, know that this is a natural process. The main thing is to look at your overall progress (over months or years) and be able to see how far you've come!

This is actually God's ingenious way of motivating us further. The sages compare this to teaching a baby how to walk. When the parent is holding on, the baby shrieks with delight and is under the illusion that he knows how to walk. Yet suddenly, when the parent lets go, the child panics, wobbles and may even fall.

At such times when we feel spiritually "down," that is often because God is letting go, giving us the great gift of independence. In some ways, these are the times when we can actually grow the most. For if we can move ourselves just a little bit forward, we truly acquire a level of sanctity that is ours forever.

Here is a practical tool to help pull you out of the doldrums. The Sefer HaChinuch speaks about a great principle in spiritual growth: "The external awakens the internal." This means that although we may not experience immediate feelings of closeness to God, eventually, by continuing to conduct ourselves in such a manner, this physical behavior will have an impact on our spiritual selves and will help us succeed. (A similar idea is discussed by psychologists who say: "Smile and you will feel happy.")

That is the power of Torah commandments. Even if we may not feel like giving charity or praying at this particular moment, by having a "mitzvah" obligation to do so, we are in a framework to become inspired. At that point we can infuse that act of charity or prayer with all the meaning and lift it can provide. But if we'd wait until being inspired, we might be waiting a very long time.

May the Almighty bless you with the clarity to see your progress, and may you do so with joy.

In 1940, a boatload 1,600 Jewish immigrants fleeing Hitler's ovens was denied entry into the port of Haifa; the British deported them to the island of Mauritius. At the time, the British had acceded to Arab demands and restricted Jewish immigration into Palestine. The urgent plight of European Jewry generated an "illegal" immigration movement, but the British were vigilant in denying entry. Some ships, such as the Struma, sunk and their hundreds of passengers killed.

If you seize too much, you are left with nothing. If you take less, you may retain it (Rosh Hashanah 4b).

Sometimes our appetites are insatiable; more accurately, we act as though they were insatiable. The Midrash states that a person may never be satisfied. "If he has one hundred, he wants two hundred. If he gets two hundred, he wants four hundred" (Koheles Rabbah 1:34). How often have we seen people whose insatiable desire for material wealth resulted in their losing everything, much like the gambler whose constant urge to win results in total loss.

People's bodies are finite, and their actual needs are limited. The endless pursuit for more wealth than they can use is nothing more than an elusive belief that they can live forever (Psalms 49:10).

The one part of us which is indeed infinite is our neshamah (soul), which, being of Divine origin, can crave and achieve infinity and eternity, and such craving is characteristic of spiritual growth.

How strange that we tend to give the body much more than it can possibly handle, and the neshamah so much less than it needs!