We are often told to “be yourself” when growing up and yet so many times our society demands to be something else completely.

It can get confusing to a young person and still today, it puzzles me why the contradiction continues.

Our society demands that we be great at sports, great at math, great at writing, and great at socializing. However, not everyone is great at all this stuff. To feel the pressure to be all things to all people is certainly far from being ourselves.

Being ourselves is being at our best. We all possess extraordinary qualities and abilities that are unique to us as individuals. When we are being ourselves, these inner strengths are exhibited in the greatest way.

Imagine if all of us could express these great extraordinary qualities. We would become extraordinary ordinary beings.

Being ourselves is the greatest gift we can give to society and the great gift to give ourselves.

Experiment: Ask yourself this question today: Am I being myself in this situation? Am I putting pressure on myself to be anything but totally me?

A while back I was having difficulties in my business and during a session with my business coach, I broke down in frustration and said “Just tell me the truth. I can take it.”

After I said those words, I braced myself for inconvenient truth about what was stopping me from creating a business that worked for me. I was asking for something and bracing myself at the same time- the irony was not lost on me- but it was all I could do to move forward. I got what I asked and at first it stung. I felt overwhelmed and yet relieved. I could nurse my bruises and then take action with more power. I was able to move on.

Lots of times we function in a state of denial, as I did for a long time, not wanting to hear the truth because we think we can’t handle it. We don’t want to hear that we have to change or it’s not going to work the way we wanted. But why wait until you are at the breaking point like I was?

Open yourself to the truth every day and you become stronger. You’ll reach your goals more quickly because you are dealing in reality, not your story.

Strive to learn the truth about everything; your coaching style, your target audience, your business practices, your mission. Gather as much truth as you can, from trusted advisors and your gut instincts Ask for the truth. You can handle it, I promise. And it will pay off:

“The truth will set you free, but first, it will piss you off,” according to Gloria Steinem. Notice she didn’t say- it will kill you or destroy you. It may trigger some unanticipated feelings, but you will survive.

The truth is “more information”. The truth, from one person’s perspective, may not be the absolute truth, but it is more information for you – not against you.

The truth is there for your growth. We often perceive truths as something we can’t live with because we’ve been told some pretty bad lies over our lifetime. We’ve been told that we are not worthy or if we just follow the following steps, we’ll be successful. We’ve been told that only one version of success is legitimate. We can only grow as you come to understand more of the big picture.

The truth will give you a stronger foundation from which to move. With information about the big picture of who you are, that you can survive more information as necessary, and letting go of what no longer serves you, you feel more grounded and able to move forward with confidence.

What’s true and what’s a story? What’s fantasy and what’s reality? If you can handle the truth (and you can), you will hear what will help you in create exactly what you want in your business.

Think about it:

What truth are you afraid to face? What would happen if you did face it?

I have had moments in my life where I felt worthy and unworthy. As you may have gathered from your own experiences, not feeling worthy feels much worse than feeling worthy.

Feeling unworthy is a game of the ego. It is feeling less than or inadequate or not up to par. It is the notion that we must do something or earn something or prove something before we can be worthy of having what we desire. It is not to say that action is not required for a manifestation to occur, but to feel that we are not good enough until the action is taken is the kind of spin that the ego loves.

Society is a great supporter of defining worthiness in limited ways. We equate what we do and how much money we make or what titles we have with being worthy or unworthy.

If we all come from the same energy Source then we are essentially the same being. If we are the same being, we have the same worth. We all have unique abilities and desires and stories to play out. We have different missions, if you will, that will call us. But we are all worthy of our desires.

Experiment with your level of feeling “worthy”. Ask yourself: Do I feel worthy of this desire? If not, why not? How do I feel about my worthiness or unworthiness? Does this serve me? What would life feel like if I felt worthy of this desire for just right now?

As I was walking my usual route from my house to the cafe where I like to write these blogs, I paused at an intersection to see if any cars were coming. Sure enough, a car pulled up to the stop sign at the corner I was crossing. It did not stop, it just slowed down, the driver looked around, and kept going. Luckily, I didn’t cross, although watching the car approach the stop sign, it would have been reasonable for me to conclude that it was safe to cross. But the driver didn’t see me there, in broad daylight, and if I crossed, I would have been hit.

The driver thought she was seeing everything when she looked around. But she was really oblivious to the obvious.

Ever do that?

Yeah, I do too. Going through the motions just to get to the destination is a pretty normal, but dangerous thing. If you are running your business like the driver was driving her car, you are certain to go past many open doors of opportunity. You’ll also miss what is going on in your business – things that you can easily fix or capitalize on, to make your business a thriving success (that’s what you asked for, right?).

When you are on autopilot you miss opportunities to ask critical questions, find creative solutions and take your game up a notch. It may be during a client session when you overlook a critical point of information. Or it could be that your bookkeeping software needs to to be upgraded but you are too busy to notice. Or maybe you are searching for a joint venture partner that is right under your nose. Whatever the situation, you owe it to yourself and your clients to be alert and take care of these critical issues, not dismiss or ignore them.

Want to stop running your business on autopilot and uncover what’s really keeping you from success? Let’s start here:

4 Reasons You’re Not Seeing Critical Activity In and Around Your Business:

You’re in a hurry. You’ve got deadlines to meet, goals to achieve and dinners to get on the table. I know what it’s like.The driver seemed in a hurry to get somewhere- enough that she never stopped at the stop sign. She looked around but never saw a pedestrian about 10 feet to her right in broad daylight. Slowing down a little each day, is key.

You’re distracted by the future rather than paying attention to what is happening right now. She was distracted but acted as if she was focused. Luckily, I saw her and didn’t walk in front of the car. Her distraction could have ended up in someone getting hurt. When do you get distracted? How can you increase your focus? What will turn on your intensity again so you can be at your best?

You are not conscious that you may be headed for trouble. I was the one being aware of what was going on in that moment. That was enough to avert an issue. If you’ve had this problem before but you’re not seeing the issue, reach out to someone else who may have a different viewpoint. Even if they may not find the issue, it can be enough for you to wake up to what is going on.

You’ve gone down this road many times that it has become automatic. Although I didn’t recognize this woman, I could see that based on her behavior, she knew the terrain and so perhaps was not as alert. Just because we’ve been down the path doesn’t mean that we’ve seen everything or know other ways to go. Often, it takes another passenger to pick out new viewpoints or routes.

Taking yourself off autopilot gives you the opportunity to be more in control of your success. If you can catch yourself going through the motions make a deliberate change in your focus. You’ll see what you’ve been missing.

Think about it:

How are you like this driver? Are you driving quickly, on autopilot, unconsciously?

When you are struggling with an issue in your life, many times you are in doubt. Doubt of your ability to deal, doubt about another person, doubt about things going the way you want.

Doubt stops the process. Doubt holds away all the good stuff you want to flow to you. If you can let go of the doubt, even for a little bit of time, you allow the power of the Universe to do it’s magic in bringing you what you want. Often in ways you would have never imagined.

I understand that letting go of doubt may be difficult or scary. After all, we sort of treat doubt as a loyal friend who warns us not to get too excited too soon. Being in doubt about what you really desire is like driving your car with the emergency brake on.

It not only slows the process, it can hurt your vehicle.

Think about it:

Are you finding yourself in doubt often? How does that help you in your process? How does it hurt the process?

Thinking about possibilities is a great way to open up the mind. When we daydream, imagine, or simply ask, “What if…?” it creates a powerful direction for the mind. If imagination is a playground for the mind, curiosity creates a playground for our everyday life. It allows you to open up, explore and create unimaginable scenarios.

I just ran into an old friend who uses curiosity as a tool for growth, and she feels it is changing her life.. She said that asking for more information from someone during a disagreement has been a game changer. I totally agree and staying curious helps, and it can boost your business too.

Here’s how:

Staying curious gives you access to new ideas and information. Owning a business gets challenging because you don’t know it all. You need access to new ways of doing things and new information.

The state of curiosity keeps you relaxed because you are not busy trying to defend your position. We’ve all had moments where we thought we knew it all. It’s tempting to try to defend our right idea or position. Curiosity moves you out of defensiveness and into listening to others and understanding their point of view.

Curiosity increases your mental flexibility and can turn “problems” into opportunities to learn and grow. If you are thrown by problems you can say to yourself, “Hmmm, I’m curious… what can I learn about myself here…?” You begin to view business as a great personal development program versus a barrage of obstacles.

Curiosity decreases stress because it’s not about getting someone to do something or think a certain way, it’s about understanding where people are coming from. Understanding others is key to serving them-seeing if what you offer would be helpful to them- and working with them once they become a client.

The other day a friend called me in a panic. She was feeling like she wanted everything to slow down in her life. Stuff she had wanted for a long time was now appearing in what felt like lightening speed. She was confused.

I recognized this feeling. I’ve had the same at different points in my life. She was getting what she finally wanted and she was scared. Her ego was putting all sorts of confusion and doubts in her mind. She wanted to feel more grounded.

I could relate to the idea that everything was feeling really good and easy…there must be something wrong! That’s the way most of us have been raised. Don’t feel too good because something bad may be lurking just around the corner and you don’t want to be surprised. That was my default position. It didn’t allow me a lot of joy in life.

Here’s my new one.

“No matter what happens, I’ll be able to handle it. In fact, if I’m feeling good, really good, I’ll probably be in a much better place to handle what ever comes my way. Relax. It always turns out fine in the end. “

Think about it:Anything stopping you from getting what you want? Look at your fears of having it all. Do you allow yourself to feel good without worry of what’s to come?

A client came to me confused because she had the same situation come up over and over again. Like always choosing the wrong guy, or consistently picking the laziest vendor or underpricing your services…again. These “mistakes” are painful and frustrating and you often get the feeling you are learning the same lesson over and over. My client just couldn’t understand why she wasn’t making progress.

Certainly, I’ve been in her shoes. Yet another crisis, the same pattern with loved ones, the repeated thoughts running through my brain. We think we’ve tackled something and have moved on and then it comes up again to bite us in the ass. Life is not a linear pursuit. We want to believe learning starts with point A, then move on to point B and so on. Not so. Actually, we go in loop-de-loops in certain areas, skip over other things and come back around. We never go backwards- even though it may feel that way.

We travel in an upward spiral– coming back to review things from a new point of view with new information.

Business takes the same pattern. It’s not linear because we are not linear creatures– even the most logically minded people will go down a cul-de-sac, get stuck in the ditch, or circle around and review an old situation. This is a good thing.

You are growing. Especially when you feel like you are not. When you feel exasperated, frustrated, defeated because you are repeating something or tweaking something that you thought was a go, you are growing and evolving. You are giving yourself another opportunity to move differently through the situation. If you were moving linearly, you would not be able to do that. Allow for the expansion, wiggle room, cleaning up, review and reflection of the upward spiral. This makes space for you to be new in each situation.

One of the biggest complaints I hear from the women who call me up or walk through my door for help is that they feel “stuck”.

I get it.

I’ve felt it before and at times, I still feel that way. It’s so universal, we have catchy cliches for the situation.

“Stuck between a rock and a hard place.” “Damned if I do, damned if I don’t. “

Here’s what I’ve learned from being stuck. Being stuck happens when we don’t want to be there. It’s a problem because we don’t want to feel how we feel in this situation. We are pushing against the sides of the space we are in and then feel the constraints of it.

What if we relaxed about where we were? We are where we are and that’s OK.

Being stuck often is related to “either/or” thinking. There’s a story around the “stuckness” that keeps us there.

We either go out with our friends and feel guilty, or stay home and resent not going. We either tell our husband about how we feel and risk a fight or stay silent and brooding.

What if there were other possibilities that didn’t involve “either/or”?

What if we stopped trying to climb out using our minds and started to feel with our hearts?

Experiment!

Are you feeling stuck? How are you feeling? Are you judging yourself for the “stuckness”? Are you in “either/or” thinking? Stop for a moment, breathe. Close your eyes. Sit with your feelings. Where do you feel the discomfort, if there is any? What does it look like? Does it have a color or shape or size? Feel it. Experience it. Does it change over time or stay the same?

See if you can connect with your heart. What does your heart have to say about all this? Can you relax within yourself enough to find some wiggle room in the stuckness?

I heard a colleague talk about herself out loud the other day. Here’s what she said, “That was stupid. I can’t believe I make the same mistake over and over again. It’s so idiotic!”

I’ve heard this a lot and I’ve even said it to myself many times. Not surprising. But, man, if you really feel the words, it’s a brutal way to talk about anyone, including yourself. We seem to have lost compassion for others and especially ourselves these days, and no one is really looking at the consequences of that. No one is really discussing how compassion can turn everything around for you, if you take the risk of being kinder to yourself.

Being kind and compassionate with yourself is not denial or avoidance. It is quite the opposite. It is about looking directly inward at all your tender, neglected, wounded places and not condemning them anymore. It is about being with them and transcending them so they no longer haunt you. You’re no longer afraid of the shadowy parts.

Compassion allows you to relax and breathe. When we are judging, blaming, shaming ourselves, we are releasing stress hormones. We feel it in our bodies. With the smallest bit of compassion, for ourselves, the body relaxes and we can breathe more deeply.

Compassion allows us to make better decisions. We are taught to be hard on ourselves to get ahead but really, being hard turns quickly into being mean and cruel to ourselves. Instead of learning from mistakes, we beat ourselves up. This does not lead to making better decisions. It keeps us locked in a pattern of misguided decisions, self-hatred, avoidance of the problem or solution, more misguided decisions.

Compassion gives us room to think smarter, come up with solutions and new ideas. When you decrease stress, increase oxygen into the system and the body can heal and repair, it can work more effectively. Our thinking becomes clearer, more expansive, and solution oriented.

Compassion for ourselves allows us to more compassion for others– a magnet for clients. Clients are people who know and like you and respect what you have to offer. When you show up as compassionate for yourself and them, you are giving them what they hunger for. It’s not about turning a blind eye or being a doormat (a self-compassionate person does not act in that way), but is clear and see potential in others. Compassion allows you to move through situations with power and kindness while still standing in your truth.

Compassion heals everyone. You became a coach/healer/ entrepreneur to help people. When you are compassionate for yourself, you become that change you want to see in the world. You become the beacon for others. You are helping them through your compassionate radiance.

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Power & Potential

“You’ve helped me to believe in myself- to access my power and potential that I’ve always known was there but because of my fears, I couldn’t consistently access it. Now, I’m doing something that I will stick with and I can’t tell you how much that means to me.”

-Carolyn S.

What Artists are Saying

“Rita….I simply can never thank you enough for giving me “me” back, its opened me up to a whole new world and I an very grateful for the experience and having the good fortune to know you and work with you….a huge giant thanks….

I am so much more enriched and see it with family. I can be such a big procrastinator, you have definitely enabled me to make leaps with my life…I love being around you and our group..I’m always inspired and approach everything I do from a different angle and pass this onto others when I am able.”

-Vanessa M. – mother of 2, artist

What entrepreneurs are saying

“Just wanted you to know how much I really appreciate everything that you’ve made possible. I find my life now to be in stark contrast to my “previous life”. So much comes easier, my health, fitness and relationships with my kids, husband and meaningful friendships. Once I changed what I felt about my life, I was able to appreciate everything more and make good things happen more effortlessly. I am proud of everything that is happening, and it feels all very magical to me. I have managed to make myself a priority.