Ok, so here is a little back story: my mother in law has come to visit at least once every year since the wife and I have been married. That would be close to 4 years now. She has known every time about our little "house rules". Some of those are: not running the dish washer and washing machine every other day(we run them about once a week)
not feeding our cats any human food or filling their dish more than once in one day
Not giving our dogs people food and to not let them out when we are not home becuase she cannot control them.

Every single time, she has questioned as to what is the purpose of having those appliances if we are not going to use them, that the kitties are hungry and she cannot go with out seeing them starve, and that the dogs beg her to be let out becuase they need to go. Due to that, our water bills have been higher when she stays, our cats have gained weight and run out of food faster, and our dogs have gotten fatter and jumped all over couch, getting it dirty. this has happened when she stays for a week at a time.

Now for the current situation: recently, we had a child. the mother in law had stated that she would stay with us for 5 weeks to "help out" my wife while she stayed home as I was not able to take but 2 days off. Well, she arrived a week before we went into labor. During that week, she went about her usual business that was mentioned above, but also, knowing that my wife was due to give birth any given time, was asking her to take her to all these stores for shopping. She also felt that the groceries we had bought for her stay was not enough and went on to ask to be taken to the grocery store, literally, every day that first week.

On the night of labor: my wife went into labor at midnite, saturday morning. In the delivery room, there was her bed and a couch that folded out. the mother inlaw slept in it from 2am-11am the whole time and did not offer to switch with me; I slept on the floor with some pillows. as I woke up, after getting 3 hours of sleep, I ask my wife if she needs anything from home as Im going back to check on the animals. Mother in law asks that I bring her back Mcdonalds. Lets just say that I was close to missing my child's birth becuase I was stuck in the drive through for her. After delivery, we go to our room, and she states that if we want, she can take my wife's car home and leave me to stay with my family. She states she will be back in the morning. she didnt return until 3pm. On the second day of being back home, she asks my wife to take her to World Market for more shopping. This is the end of the second week she has been here.

At the end of week 3, we had 2 wedding to go to and asked if she could watch our son. On the first, we fed him so she didnt have to worry about that and told her that the dogs should be fine and for her not to worry about them. We were gone and hour and she called stating that we needed to get back as she could not get the dogs back in and she was holding the baby. We asked why she had let them out and she stated that they were "throwing themselves" against their kennels wanting to go out. On the second wedding, we asked her to feed him; when we call her on our way back, she states that it took her 45 minutes to figure how to feed him. As we get home, she states that he had not slep the whole time that we were gone. We pick him and find out that he had been soaked for some time now!

Lastly, she has been with us for 4 weeks now, and in that time she has only fed/changed him about 3 times. She has only stayed up with him one night as he was crying. Of note, she stays up every night til 1am reading and last night while I was up feeding him on a work night, I caught her playing solitaire on our computer. Now I know that as a parent, its within reason to be attentding to him in the middle of the night regardless of whether I have to go to work the next morning. But, if she states that she coming down here to "help" wouldnt this be the best time?

i think what you have there is the no-win situation at its finest as you really need to lay down the law to your mother in law good and proper and your wife may be unwilling to back you up as to not upset her mother and if you do so with out your wife's agreement you risk upsetting both of them. anyway i wish you luck

Yeesh... that's quite a situation you're in. If that was my mother-in-law, I would have told her to go to the stores herself and that she either follows the house rules and help take care of the new baby, or she can just go back home. But then, that's just me.

Eh lazy mother-in-laws, not much you can do about them other than rant on the internet until they're gone.

Though I have to admit I was greatly rolling my eyes when you complained about your cats and dogs being fat after a week of eating well. Petty shit is petty, but I can see how it would seem more important now after everything else.

I pity you- especially the part in the hospital. Whenever me or my dad is in the hospital, my mom thinks she has to camp out and all she does is buy too much food and junk, clutters up the room, and doesn't sleep. then she gets ill and yells at people.
but then, after coming home, she gets to boast that she stayed with us 24/7 (minus the time spent shopping for all the food and junk) and did a better job nursing us than anybody.

You gotta put your foot down. tell the wife you married her, not a woman who can't figure out to feed a baby.
She has ignored your rules, and ignored the welfare of your wife- her own daughter- to the point it is causing undue misery.

I kinda think your rules for your pets is kinda petty, too. but what i think about that isn't worth much. what matters is that you have them for a reason and they should be respected.

If you don't put your foot down, she will walk all over you and it will be you who pays the most for it.

I pity you- especially the part in the hospital. Whenever me or my dad is in the hospital, my mom thinks she has to camp out and all she does is buy too much food and junk, clutters up the room, and doesn't sleep. then she gets ill and yells at people.
but then, after coming home, she gets to boast that she stayed with us 24/7 (minus the time spent shopping for all the food and junk) and did a better job nursing us than anybody.

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I'm not gonna comment about this in case my wife decides to get on and check out this thread.

The reason I havent snapped and kicked her out is becuase I know it would make things worse (more tension, strain the relationship between mother and daughter, etc.) As it is, when I told her about using the dish washer so often, her way of responding turned out to be that she now washes anything except for my coffee mugs; she leave them out in the sink on purpose.

As it is, when I told her about using the dish washer so often, her way of responding turned out to be that she now washes anything except for my coffee mugs; she leave them out in the sink on purpose.

You are a much more civil person than I am. My ex's mom and I went out it a few times over house rules, but I didn't give a damn how she felt about it, my house my rules. I wish you the best of luck though.

Your about the dishwasher=
your rule about the pets food may be a little petty as others have said but regardless, they are your rules and you have them for a reason. They should be respected, you guys aren't kids and neither is the inlaw. She should recognize that. That's one of the many points of going off on your own.
My dad refuses to visit me or my wife and daughter at my house because we don't allow smoking in our house. Apparently my childs health should suffer because "nobody's gonna tell me I have to go outside to smoke!" One of the many reasons I have not talked to him since last July.