Screw functional strength, let's talk about hypertrophy

So I'm a shallow, narcissistic douchebag who's far more concerned with how I'm perceived than the contents of my character. And as such, it is much more important to me that I *appear* strong and athletic rather than actually *be* strong and athletic.
Towards this end, I've met with a lot of frustration in my various bouts of weight training. While I can make real measurable gains in strength, both as measured by the increase in the weight I'm lifting and the ease with which I suplex the **** out of motherfuckers, I don't put on Jersey Shore-like muscle mass that I can awe the masses with whenever I take off my shirt.
And isn't that what really matters?
So how do I get bulging triceps and mighty man boobs? You know, the good kind that make you look like Men's Health, not the bad kind that make you look like andropause.

The fool thinks himself immortal,
If he hold back from battle;
But old age will grant him no truce,
Even if spears spare him.

So I'm a shallow, narcissistic douchebag who's far more concerned with how I'm perceived than the contents of my character. And as such, it is much more important to me that I *appear* strong and athletic rather than actually *be* strong and athletic.
Towards this end, I've met with a lot of frustration in my various bouts of weight training. While I can make real measurable gains in strength, both as measured by the increase in the weight I'm lifting and the ease with which I suplex the **** out of motherfuckers, I don't put on Jersey Shore-like muscle mass that I can awe the masses with whenever I take off my shirt.
And isn't that what really matters?
So how do I get bulging triceps and mighty man boobs? You know, the good kind that make you look like Men's Health, not the bad kind that make you look like andropause.

Shoot yourself full of steroids and develop a New Jersey accent.

Seriously, I think body shape has a lot to do with it, some people put on muscle better than others.

Well, sad to say, but for the most of us, we can either look tough or be tough. If you want to look the part, you need to spend a lot of time in the weight room, eating right, getting plenty of rest (no sambo after..) and even taking supplements. Developing big muscles is not just exercising the **** out of them but also giving them ample rest, Total rest. Obviously feeding those beasts properly. You can try separating the days you do MA from days you lift. Focus on certain muscles, for example pecs and triceps one day with maybe a few sets of pull-ups, and a full rest day after.

Well, sad to say, but for the most of us, we can either look tough or be tough.

This is why I prefer functional strength. Not that I would be capable of beefing up like a bodybuilder without the benefit of PEDs, but I want something I can use. If there were some way to meet in the middle, that would be great, but for most of us, that is difficult.

I thought I spelled it wrong, but as I said I'm a mechanic not an English professor.

This is why I prefer functional strength. Not that I would be capable of beefing up like a bodybuilder without the benefit of PEDs, but I want something I can use. If there were some way to meet in the middle, that would be great, but for most of us, that is difficult.

Couldn't agree more. A good workout program that gets that balance for me is sealfit, like crossfit but more intense. I have to tone down the exercise a bit (drop weight or maybe cut back on time if I absolutly have to), but I still have made major gains in strength ( dead lift jumped from 285-315 in two months). The focus is more on building endurance, so like doing 25 military press at 135lbs in one go as opposed to trying to have a massive one rep max.

Also, funny side note, I have a college buddy that does multimedia stuff for men's health, and according to him most of the guys you see on the front cover have been heavily air brushed.

So I'm a shallow, narcissistic douchebag who's far more concerned with how I'm perceived than the contents of my character. And as such, it is much more important to me that I *appear* strong and athletic rather than actually *be* strong and athletic.
Towards this end, I've met with a lot of frustration in my various bouts of weight training. While I can make real measurable gains in strength, both as measured by the increase in the weight I'm lifting and the ease with which I suplex the **** out of motherfuckers, I don't put on Jersey Shore-like muscle mass that I can awe the masses with whenever I take off my shirt.
And isn't that what really matters?
So how do I get bulging triceps and mighty man boobs? You know, the good kind that make you look like Men's Health, not the bad kind that make you look like andropause.

A lot of bodybuilders use different (higher) rep-ranges to encourage their muscles to inflate
with sarcoplasm and new blood vessels.

The higher % of 1rm and lower rep ranges commonly used for 'strength training' protocols are more to do with teaching your central nervous system to fire the muscles more intensely, and to make the myofibril strands of protein get thicker.

Skinny guys are always trying to get big, and big guys are alway trying to get skinny!! Genetics is a bitch.

It's a pretty simple formula, however it isn't one that fits well with what most people want to do. The reason is that while you are in your building phase, you are really going to have to drop the cardio down to almost nothing. You need to put in mass amounts of calories and protien. You need to spend all your extra time in the gym. And that time is spent pushing and pulling iron (with no benifit other than just moving that weight).

Your muscles will grow, but also your gut will grow. Then you will be trying to figure out how to lose the gut without losing the muscle. Then you will spend more time in the gym pushing that same pile of iron around, but also trying to balance in some cardio without doing too much.

All this time spent in the gym could have been better spent training, boozing, or whoring.

You want a bodybuilding/hypertrophy routine. Basically, you want more volume and want to target muscles for aesthetic balance. Most bodybuilders will bulk up for a while and then cut to show their pretty, pretty abs.

I've never lifted for aesthetics, but I may give it a go one of these days.