9.30.2008

sometimes i do things.like right now.im about to do somethingi know in a few weeksim going to regret.but i live today.and im going to do this.and regardless of the consequences and repercussions.

i have been known to make choices.that arent exactly well thought out.but this one i feel like isthe best wayout of a bad situation.and i guess we shall see.

last weekend.we went out to dinnerwith my married friends.it was a rare occasionto have him out as well.he was quiet.bored of sorts.there are times where i feel likei over power us.i stand out he blends in.im big hes small.im loud hes not.you get the picture.the dinner was lovely.and we laughed and sipped wine.and ate hibachi and yum yum sauce.and then went homeand were glad we werent married.or trying to hard.

sunday.by far the best day out recent accounts.i spent the morning baking and cleaning.and riding my bike back and forth from the store.eventually.my home was filled with boys.hooping and hollering.and clapping and eating and drinking.Redskins win.i am asleep.after half time i slipped intoa wings/weed/Stella coma.but i was awaken by light kisses on my cheekand a whisper of thank yous and i love yous.still debating if it was a dreami smiled in my sleep.

oh but.yes.then there is him.him whom i see in my dreams.he who i spend my days.wondering for searching about.waiting.silently.questioning everything.are you there?is this it?do you know?something's brewing.and here i am. im steady stirring the pot.and im worried that this time.it just might boil over.