Study Finds Black Sabbath Helps Plants Grow

If you intend to show the wicked world a cornucopia of green thumb power this gardening season (and you probably don’t, but keep reading) you had better start exposing your precious sweet leaf to plenty of Black Sabbath.

Television gardener (yes, that’s a thing) Chris Beardshaw says that during a recent study of the effects of plant life when subjected to different types of music, he found that those plants that were fed a sonic diet of Black Sabbath fared much better than plants forced to listen to the likes of Cliff Richards.

Beardshaw says that using rock music as a nutrient seemed to stimulate plant life and ultimately caused them to produce larger flowers. And even though he admits that the plants subjected to Black Sabbath were shorter, they also appeared to be less susceptible to disease.

‘We had one greenhouse that was silent and we had one that was played classical music, one that was played Cliff Richard and one that was played Black Sabbath,” said Beardshaw. ‘The ones with Black Sabbath – great big, thumping noise, rowdy music – they were the shortest, but they had the best flowers and the best resistance to pest and disease.”

Incidentally, Beardshaw claims that nothing growing inside the Cliff Richard green house survived, but there is some speculation that the entire project was a victim of…Sabotage.

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