Tuesday, April 5, 2016

You can't spell "analog" without...well you get it.

Every so often an invention comes along that completely revolutionizes the bicycle. The pneumatic tire... the freewheel... the derailleur gear system... and now you can add the wiggly head tube to the list:

We saw Fabian Cancellara win Strade Bianche on it, and we saw him rocket over the cobbles in the 2016 Ronde van Vlaanderen (Tour of Flanders) to a second-place finish on board the new Domane SLR from Trek (check out the gallery of Cancellara’s Flanders bike here). Now we’ve got details about the striking new bike that has both a redesigned IsoSpeed decoupler in the seat tube as well as a brand new decoupler in the head tube.Yep, you read that right: The head tube moves.

Wow.

I wanted to know more about this bicycle, and fortunately the VeloNews article was buried in like fifty Trek ads:

Domane with front and rear IsoSpeed has it all: Blistering speed, smooth race comfort, and superior balance for precision handling and all-day domination. Powering over centuries-old cobbles, charging up dizzying climbs, descending on rails to an epic win. That's how Fabian Cancellara rides his Domane. How will you ride yours?

How will I ride mine? What kind of question is that? It's a plastic Trek with front and rear shock absorbers. Obviously I'll be riding it slowly on the multi-use path after hoisting it from the trunk rack of my Toyota Solara convertible.

Here's how it works:

The innovative Front IsoSpeed decoupler delivers the perfect smooth and balanced ride, so you can ride faster, longer, and stronger. By allowing the steerer tube to flex independently from the head tube, Front IsoSpeed provides an additional 10% of front-end compliance over a traditional road bike. Front IsoSpeed reduces hard hits and vibration without sacrificing efficiency or control.

In other words, it's like having a loose headset, which means the typical Trek rider won't even notice it.

Or, if you prefer, it's a Zertz that actually does something:

(The Roubaix has front and rear Zertz placebos and a pointy seatpost, so you know it's comfy.)

Specialized are gonna sue the bibshorts off of Trek for making comfort-enhancing road bike features that are more than just aesthetic:

Anyway, we'll see if the rest of the Fred bike industry follows suit with the whole shock absorber thing, though you can bet there's one company that will surely remain firm in the face of increasing head tube flaccidity:

Klaus from Alps and Andes alerted me to it, and we exchanged emails speculating as to whether this was an elaborate set-up for an April Fool's joke. Well, it wasn't:

"Omata One is the world's first GPS analog speedometer. It has analog movement on the outside with a very advanced GPS computer on the inside."

So basically it's a digital computer with an analog veneer, which makes it the cycling equivalent of decorative air vents on cars, fake cooling fins on liquid-cooled motorcycle engines, and the ersatz clicking sound your smartphone makes when you take a selfie. (I predict fake shifting sounds will come to electronic shifting groups within the year.)

"I believe that everything on your bike should be as pure and beautiful as the ride and the bike itself. When I look at existing cycling computers, they look and behave like a piece of consumer electronics or a smartphone, and I don't want that on my handlebars. I want a modern speedometer and only looks like it belongs on a bike, but reflects the spirit and pleasure of why I ride on the first place. But without compromise."

Okay, this thing has GPS, Bluetooth, Strava connectivity...not that there's anything wrong with any of that stuff, but you're no less of a giant Fred just because your bike computer points to numbers with a needle, just like your musical taste is no less sucky just because you play your crap on vintage vinyl.

However, as the inventors tell their story, it becomes clear from Devon's facial expressions and body language that Joe has forced her join the sordid world of bike touring:

"Since then, I've done quite a few more [bike tours], and Devon was excited to join me."

That's funny, she doesn't look our sound excited, especially when she learns that the next ride is going to be to...Alaska:

"...going to start our next adventure following the West Coast up to Alaska this spring."

"Alaska, are you kidding me?," that eyebrow rub says. You can already see her formulating her excuse--which is probably why Joe makes her read this hostage speech:

"Bike touring is awesome. There really is no other way of travel that you can just see so many places and meet so many people."

Poor Devon. That is the look of someone coming to grips with the fact that instead of just flying to her next vacation she'll be spending the entire spring in campgrounds surrounded by panniers and Teva sandals and people who haven't showered in weeks. (Herself included.)

Actually, it could take them years to reach Alaska, because it looks like they may be going by fat bike:

See, when you're somewhere in the wilds of British Columbia and one of you starts shaking the map and screaming, "I wanna go home! If I have to listen to one more asshole with a beard talk about pour-over coffee I'm going to kill you!," you can't have the map falling into the water and getting destroyed again like it did that other time. (You might also want to laminate that map while you're at it.)

even if you buy in to the analog being better from a perception standpoint, who needs a mechanical sub-assembly? except for the parts dept of course. same effect (e.g. 25 mph or km or whatever it was at 3 o'clock) can be easily done digitally. but i guess the flaw there is that the speedo would be more robust but lighter.

those maps are clearly adventure cycling maps yet the kids apparently don't know that adventure cycling sells map holders that work well and inside a protected pocket. so no lamination needed.

maybe they're always on the road.

joe - ". . . back in 2011 when a friend of mine convinced me to do my first country tour. since then i've done quite a few more"

wow how many do they do each year? i guess joe must not have a job.

devon says safety is a concern so she doesn't want to use two hands to adjust the map. i don't know how devon could possibly flip an ac map to the next panel with one hand. she should kick-start for a book on that technique. personally, i either stop and change to the next map segment, then go. or sometimes maybe we're on a break near the segment end and i'll switch to the new segment before starting out again.

AC maps are pretty sturdy maps. i haven't dunked any yet, but maybe i'll grab an old xcounty map and see how well it holds up in the bathtub.

Comfort aside, wouldn't a flexible head tube make you lose precious watts? I think it more like that guy got his first and second place finishes despite that bike, on account of conditioning (read: drugs). Anyway, your collection of Cipo photos is sighting and is making me with that right wing nut jobs were telling the truth when they say that homosexuality is a choice. How is it worse when he's actually wearing a shirt and jeans!? I have to take a Silkwood shower.

Drek's conclusion that their bike with the wiggly headtube is going to be great for Freddy McFredenstein just because it's great for Fabian Cancellara is a bit like concluding that Joe Sixpack is going to be able to throw a football like an NFL QB just because he went out an bought an official NFL football. I am pretty certain that Cancellara could win bike races on a rusty Huffy purchased from the Salvation Army and, likewise, Freddy McFredenstein is going to be a big, stupid Fred who can barely climb a highway overpass regardless of how much money he spends on his sled.

I like the Omata One, but not enough to pledge $499 and get one if it gets funded. They should put a button on in the accompanying smartphone app to convert the unit from miles to kilometers though, no need for separate versions. I watched the video hoping for more shots of the model in the still photo at the start of it, and there were none. Too bad, she would give Bird of Prey Babe a run for her money.

Devon is going to start on online dating site for cycle-touring widows, I can just sense it. While old Joe is cycling up to Alaska, she'll be taking a few rides herself.

About 4 years ago, I spent a week on a Trek Domaine with the seat tube/top tube flexi-joint thingie, I found it very unnerving on fast bumpy descents.

I predict Trek will next offer a Viagra-like lockout device for its flexi steer tube, to stiffen things up for those epic sprint finales. As was said a short while ago, if dick breaks and tubeless tires were invented first, rim breaks and tire bladders would be hailed as breakthrough technology!

A friend of mine has that Special-Ed dick breaks bike and swears the Zertz actually work, I think it is the fatter tires. But he likes them so much he bought the Zertz seatpost to put on another carbon fiber bike that he said was too stiff for him. I call the Zertz post his prostate massager.

The last speedometer that looked like that "Analog" one for bicycles was sold to kids riding Schwinn Stingrays around the neighborhood in the 70s. Ick. More retro would be one that looked like a Huret Multito, and ONLY gave the mileage on it's display. That speedo thing looks like it belongs in a car, or maybe on a Stingray.

Man, I hate Apple's aggressive auto-correct. My post said "your collection of Cipo photos is sighting and is making me with that right wing nut jobs were." I don't remember what "sighting" was supposed to be. Let's go with shudder-inducing. And I wish I could choose to be gay. Cipo images make me want to install magical wards against demons in my bedroom and throw my entire uterus into the Hudson.

Back in the day I had a Stewart Warner analog speedometer with mechanical digital odometer on my Raleigh Sports. I don't remember the RPM part and not sure how it would have worked with the 3 speed Sturmey Archer. An early start to my Fredness. Good times....

I think the word, 'uterus' is by nature funny. We should include it into daily conversations as often as possible. (Steer the conversation thatb way. Don't just randomly say, "uterus" like it's the last item on your internal organ bingo card.)

I feel like, no matter what genetic material the mother brings to the equation, any child of Cipo would come out looking like the sax player from The Lost Boys. http://www.hidefninja.com/community/data/attachments/178/178048-5bba1e87dd347b213595f5cca728be3f.jpg

Remember being in grade school and the room had this foot in diameter clock on the wall - the kind with hands that move. I'm thinking they'll be the next rage in cycling. Kickstarter campaign for the Brooklyn Cycling Clock Company coming up.

"I wanna go home! If I have to listen to one more asshole with a beard talk about pour-over coffee I'm going to kill you!," - you just made me shoot pour over coffee out of my nose and all over my beard...

"she'll be spending the entire spring in campgrounds surrounded by panniers and Teva sandals and people who haven't showered in weeks." Haven't showered in weeks-the Pheromone Count will be off the scale.

The ACA maps are definitely waterproof. I've washed my jersey more than once w them still folded up in the back pocket.

Interestingly enough, my trip this year is from Canada to Alaska also. Only I'll be starting in Banff instead of going up the coast. But if I see the happy couple I'll have to say hello to Devon (& Joe of course).

She looks really unhappy. Even worse than Chris Christie at a Donald Trump news conference.

The guy off-camera actually playing the sax line presumably spent an amount of time practicing the sax, equivalent to the time spent by Cipo Jr. there, at the gym pumping iron, pumping body oil from the dispenser, and just plain pumping. I remember thinking that back when too, except the Cipo part since I literally learned who he was from THIS BLOG in the late 'oughts. THAT'S how much I give a shit about pro cycling. Anyway there was something incongruous about the cinematic depiction of a supposedly decadent environment where dudes have time not only for sax lessons but also working out and body-oiling.

Roille, I should not reward you for putting the words "pumping" and "Cipo" in the same comment, but I had to let you know that that guy was in fact an oily, buff, and real sax player: http://dangerousminds.net/comments/the_infamous_sexy_sax_man_from_the_lost_boys_still_still_believes_a_chat_wi

My kickstarter campaign is using GPS technology to load Google maps for your location and with a handlebar mounted inkjet printer, prints out a small map on artisanal paper made from glue and mustache clippings from albinos.I'll get Elon Musk to try it, and 276,000 idiots will send me $1000 each.

Our Governor At Large Chris Krispie Kreme Christie is always unhappy unless he is bullying someone. I think he will be doing "fair and balanced" color commentary for Fox Broadcasting when his days as governor of the Garden State are over.

I meant to comment yesterday but got distracted, so I guess you'll have to dock my pay. Welcome back anyway.

I got rid of my bike computer when I realized it was only counting the number of times the little magnet on the spoke went around. The magnet mounted by me in a carefully measured location. Well, that was the flaw in the thing right there. Now I just lick my finger and stick it up in the air to see if I'm moving.

I still use the plastic map holder that attaches to the top of my handlebar bag, that's right handlebar bag, whilst touring. Never needs charging. And you can keep all kinds of trivial little shit in the bag: snacks, sunglasses, bandana, camera... All your jersey-pocket stuff, without the jersey.

Bought a Niner RLT9. Why? It's not a fucking Trek Donadoneamanodone or Specialized Fuck You Canadian Bike Shop Guy. I wanted "relaxed" geometry cuz I'm old and don't care if I'm "aero" in the fuqin first place. Bumpy roads are Bumpy when I ride it. It rides smooth roads smooth-ly. It is laterally compliant when dodging cow shit on Routt County (ColArady) roads. It can be ridden around our lake that is a county road most of you passes call "double-track" with double-track that is single-sided... and I see a bald eagle. Also; It is not crabon. Fuck you Sinyard.

Bought a Niner RLT9. Why? It's not a fucking Trek Donadoneamanodone or Specialized Fuck You Canadian Bike Shop Guy. I wanted "relaxed" geometry cuz I'm old and don't care if I'm "aero" in the fuqin first place. Bumpy roads are Bumpy when I ride it. It rides smooth roads smooth-ly. It is laterally compliant when dodging cow shit on Routt County (ColArady) roads. It can be ridden around our lake that is a county road most of you passes call "double-track" with double-track that is single-sided... and I see a bald eagle. Also; It is not crabon. Fuck you Sinyard.

I want to thank Dr.Agbazara for his job in my family, this is man who left me and the kids for another woman without any good reasons, i was pain and confuse,till one day when i was browsing through the internet with my computer then i saw Dr.Agbazara contact, then i contaced him and he help me cast a reunion spell, since I then the situation has changed, everything is moving well, my husband who left me is now back to his family. reach DR.AGBAZARA TEMPLE via email if you have any relationship problem at:

About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!