The Squirt Gun consists of a typical turkey baster, but it is also somehow also much more powerful than any real life baster. These can not only fire several feet and not go completely empty, but can also rebound off of walls, go through ears, and still hit the intended target. These may be the most portable of all scam items in the entire series.

The Squirt Guns make another appearance in "The Good Ol' Ed," as do various other scam items from the Eds' past. It also made a short appearance in "Wish You Were Ed," this time being used to suck milk from Rolf's cow for the giant bowl of Chunky Puffs.