You say, "I am talking, are you
listening?" Maybe not. Maybe, there
were other things that were competing for my
attention at the time you were talking. Listen to
this one, "Had you paid closer attention to what I
said, I'm sure you would've understood what I
meant." Don't be so sure. It depends how
clear your communication is. It is possible that
because the listener really paid close attention to what
you said, he or she ended up more confused.

We
take communication for granted based on our simplistic
assumptions, such as, "If I say something you
must pay close attention," or, "You must
understand what I say. If you don't understand then
you are either not listening or you must be
dumb." Furthermore, if you are a person in an
authority position such as, a parent at home, or a boss
at work, this becomes more of an issue. You then
expect that when you talk, your child or your subordinate
must pay close attention, understand the whole content of
your speech and remember for ever and at all times what
you told them. This highlights the point that, when
it comes to communicating our ideas to others, we tend
towards self-centered.

Communication is not completed until the message
is received by the other person. Delivering the message
is the easy part. The hard part is to make sure
that the message is received by the intended party.
We tend to be communication lazy. A majority of us
only pay attention to delivering the message, the easy
part, and then overlook the recievability of the message,
the hard part. Communication is hard work.
These ten golden rules of communication may help to keep
you on your communication
toes:

1. There are many slips between the other
person's ears and your lips. The message you want
to convey may be garbled, distorted, camouflaged or
completely lost by more dominant messages. This
happens because the recipient interprets your message by
his or her brain, not by your brain. To avoid this,
think about the possible ways in which your message can
be misunderstood or distorted by a recipient who is not
on the same wave length or of the same orientation that
you are.

2. People are not mind readers. They can't
read your mind. They don't know what is really
bothering you or what you really want from them.
Ask clearly and precisely what you want. High achievers
are good in letting others know what they want.
Some speakers deliver the whole speech without spelling
out even once what they want from their audience.
Then they feel unhappy when they don't get the results
they expected from their speech.

3. Feel a genuinely liking for the people with
whom you are communicating. Remember the saying,
"Nobody cares how much you know, unless they know
how much you care." When they feel you really
like them, they make an extra effort to understand what
you want.

4. The rule of listening. There are two
ears and one tongue, spend twice more time in listening
than in speaking. The more closely you listen to
others, the more effective you would be in communicating
your ideas to them according to their frame of
reference. It is by listening close to them, that
you will know how they think, what their favorite
expressions are and how you can arouse their
interest.

5. The spoken word is but a small component of
communication. The spoken word constitutes of only
7 percent of the message, the other 93% is
non-verbal. If you say the words, "You are
fine," but, your face, body and your voice is
conveying, "I can't stand you," which one
do you think will get conveyed? Match your body
language, voice tone, and other non-verbal behavior with
your words.

6. Keep your communication pure and
simple. Do not contaminate it with sarcasm,
witticisms, or put downs. When you do that, people
stop listening to what you say and get flooded with
emotions and thoughts regarding how you are treating
them.

7. The rule of repetition. Tell them first what
you are going to tell them, then tell them, and then tell
them what you just told them.

8. Check. Ensure the accuracy and
comprehension of your message. For example, when
you leave a message for someone, ask the person who has
taken your message to repeat it so you can check it for
its accuracy and comprehension. Do the same when
you instruct your staff to perform a task for
you.

9. Review. Leave a review document for the
recipient to take home. Give them something to
review later and correct themselves, for example, a
written summary of steps

10. Walk your talk. Match your actions
with your words. If you say something and then do
another, your action will be received as the real message
and not your spoken words.