Yes, I know a friend whom I thought was living a Happy Life with his wife. I don't see any problem with their relationship at first, but one night I saw my Friend's wife hanging out with another guy and they were so sweet and almost like a lover holding each others hand. I never told my friend about this yet because I don't want to bring the bad news and I'm afraid he is going to do something that would harm both of them and their marriage. I can't imagine why a wife would commit adultery inspite of a loving and caring husband.

The reasons men and women commit adultery are different (in general, it may not always apply).

For men, it's a physical.Instinct tells them to sleep with every woman they find attractive.It's harsh, sure, but it's procreation for the continuation of the species.Or sometimes they just don't care about who they're with.

For women, it's emotional.They often feel something is lacking that they need to fill themselves up with again.Not necessarily love, but when men get comfortable with their women, the romance leaves.Women thrive on romance... or a simulation there of.

You should also consider that they aren't lovers.They may care for each other... may even feed each other's need for emotional involvement.But that doesn't mean she's cheating on her husband physically.Just mentally, I guess... but that's not really something most men care about.

This sounds more biased than I wanted it to.

The point is...The most common reason ANYONE cheats is because they find something in the other that they aren't getting from their partner... this can be physical, emotional, whatever.And there is more than one way to cheat on someone... but only one that people seem to care about.

crimsonandclover wrote:Sometimes the greatest source is from within. And accepting whats in there.

I think people need to face the facts about adultery. It is an act of severe cruelty, self-centeredness and narcissism. She commits adultery because she essentially is capable of that level of cruelty. She is capable of putting herself before those she loves. She doesn't value her husband and family (including children if she has any). Adultery is so much more than a "stupid mistake". Funny how we recognize that in someone who steals (selfish and uncaring about anyone else but themselves), but we fail to see that adultery is so much more harmful to the victims' psyches, that an adulterer is as serious, even more than a thief, because the effects on the victims are so much more traumatic and long-lasting than having been robbed. Yes, losing love is worse than losing money and objects. So, unless she is really dumb and unaware of what it feels like to be betrayed, abandoned and treated like something disposable, then she is cruel. I'm pretty sure "I was just to stupid to know the pain that I would inflict on my family, " won't be accepted as a valid excuse by anyone. You might say, "She is not cruel. I know her." People can be very good at hiding the truth about themselves, suppressing that part of themselves. If she has convinced you that she is a genuinely good person, then she is a very good con artist. Think about it. A genuinely good person cannot inflict severe cruelty on others, especially their own family and friends.

You don't know what the REAL dynamics of that relationship are. My guess is she doesn't love him, or she loves him and is angry with him (for whatever reason). The anger may be a build up over something they are clearly not communicating about, or any other multitude of reasons.

My guess is, she doesn't truly love him. So many people enter marriages and relationships for many different reasons: security, challenge, money, companionship, status, intelligence, and guess which one comes last? ....LOVE. Why? Because real love is scary. Why do you think that divorce has almost reached 50% (in my country at least), and guess what? Over 60% of the remaining couples CHEAT! That doesn't leave too many love birds in the nest.

Having said this, people don't marry for love just because of fear. Many people haven't, or won't meet their true soul mates: love at first sight, the feeling of "OMG, I can't live without you" feeling. Forgot which psychologist said the following but it's so true. Don't find a partner with whom you can live, rather, find a partner with whom you CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT! Then you'll know you've hit the jackpot.

BTW, I often do experiments (when it's appropriate) on this topic. In fact the last time I did it I was out to dinner with 7 other people of which 6 were married. One person had only been married for less than 2 years, and often would talk about his wife in the staff room. Anyway...at the right time, I asked everyone if their partner was their "soul mate". Guess what I got? 1 out 6 said her partner was her soul mate. AND it wasn't the guy who'd been married for less than 2 years. In fact, when I got to him and surprisingly said "really, she isn't your soul mate?" ... he was almost surprised at his own answer. He didn't even retract his answer out of conformity (he's catholic).

What does this tell you?

Try it yourself, you'll be surprised at the amount of people who will tell you NO, their partner is NOT their soul mate. AND, the ones who won't answer...crap...they have in fact answered it, but unwilling to admit it to themselves.

How do you know that your friend and his wife don’t have an open marriage or other such arrangement? You might be surprised by the number of people and the kind of people who have such openness in their relationships. For all you know your friend might get off on the idea of his wife with other men.

What exactly did you see that night? Was there kissing or was it strong flirting with hand holding? Perhaps she was being inappropriate, but do you know for sure that she was having a sexual relationship with this other person? Are you ready to accuse her of something without having clear evidence?

There was a time I might have agreed with Deb003 about adultery being terribly cruel and the ultimate betrayal, but not anymore. It’s still a selfish and asshole thing to do, but how is something as stupid and primal as sex an ultimate betrayal? I would much rather my husband get a BJ from one of his co-workers than empty out our joint account or pawn all our stuff to support a drug addiction.

There are many reasons why someone might have sex outside a good or loving marriage. Sometimes those reasons might be valid; one partner has shut down sexually or couple remains married for the sake of their children. Sometimes those reasons aren’t so valid; one partner wants excitement or wants to feel more attractive.

The reasons why people engage in adultery or other risky behavior are endless. I agree more with Smile in that they are getting something out if it either physically or emotionally.

One thing I think you should keep in mind is that YOU have no idea what goes on behind clothes doors. Seemingly happy and loving marriages/relationships are not always the case when you scratch below the surface. You might want to consider that you do not know the true nature of this couple’s relationship.