If you're single, chances are you've been asked the following three questions:

Why aren't you married?Why aren't you married?and the very, very popular:Why aren't you married?... give or take another 999,999,997 more such questions.

Unfortunately, I can’t fix you up with any cute guys or girls to help you avoid these questions in the future. However, I can fix you up with some good snappy comebacks to fling at anyone who dares to question your single status.

So, next time somebody dares to ask you that “Why aren't you married?” question, pause, smile sagaciously (I love that word; it means “wisely”), and offer up one of the following. Or, just review them for your own personal satisfaction.

1. In the beginning, there were no elliptical trainers or low-fat/high-fiber muffins, and so people lived to only about 40-something. Maximum. Meaning, the pressure was on to get married before age 25. However, today, thanks to medical advances, we can all hope to live to 80. Easy. Meaning? Even if we marry at age 40, that's still 35, 45, even 55 years to be with a mate. Plenty of time to be married. What's the hurry?

2. Married people are not necessarily better catches simply because they were caught. I mean, have you taken a look at some of the married people out there? Seriously. Even Frankenstein got married. Obviously married people are not superior people.

4. Plus, when you think about it, there’s no such thing as a Stepford Single Woman.

5. Why limit myself to being dissatisfied by one relationship when I can be dissatisfied by an infinite variety?

6. It’s interesting how our culture has the expression “happily married,” but no expression “happily single.” And those words are 100% certified by the US Census Bureau. Statistics show that although married men are reported to be happier than single men (surprise, surprise!)—single women are reported to be happier than married women (also a big surprise, surprise!). Meaning? This only furthers the irony that single women are branded as "unhappy” and “lonely” and “loser-esque"—when single women are just boldly holding out for the right situation, rather than getting married just to get married.

7. It's easy to become married. Millions of people do it every year. If you want to pressure me to become something, hey, why not pick something a little more challenging—like an astrophysicist.

I have always thought "happily married" is an oxymoron... something like I am "happily retarded" or I am "happily invalid" ... why else would they have to try to remind themselves and everyone else that they are "happy"? Shouldn't it just show?

I have always thought "happily married" is an oxymoron... something like I am "happily retarded" or I am "happily invalid" ... why else would they have to try to remind themselves and everyone else that they are "happy"? Shouldn't it just show?

I have always thought "happily married" is an oxymoron... something like I am "happily retarded" or I am "happily invalid" ... why else would they have to try to remind themselves and everyone else that they are "happy"? Shouldn't it just show?

If you're single, chances are you've been asked the following three questions:

Why aren't you married?Why aren't you married?and the very, very popular:Why aren't you married?... give or take another 999,999,997 more such questions.

Unfortunately, I can’t fix you up with any cute guys or girls to help you avoid these questions in the future. However, I can fix you up with some good snappy comebacks to fling at anyone who dares to question your single status.

So, next time somebody dares to ask you that “Why aren't you married?” question, pause, smile sagaciously (I love that word; it means “wisely”), and offer up one of the following. Or, just review them for your own personal satisfaction.

1. In the beginning, there were no elliptical trainers or low-fat/high-fiber muffins, and so people lived to only about 40-something. Maximum. Meaning, the pressure was on to get married before age 25. However, today, thanks to medical advances, we can all hope to live to 80. Easy. Meaning? Even if we marry at age 40, that's still 35, 45, even 55 years to be with a mate. Plenty of time to be married. What's the hurry?

2. Married people are not necessarily better catches simply because they were caught. I mean, have you taken a look at some of the married people out there? Seriously. Even Frankenstein got married. Obviously married people are not superior people.

4. Plus, when you think about it, there’s no such thing as a Stepford Single Woman.

5. Why limit myself to being dissatisfied by one relationship when I can be dissatisfied by an infinite variety?

6. It’s interesting how our culture has the expression “happily married,” but no expression “happily single.” And those words are 100% certified by the US Census Bureau. Statistics show that although married men are reported to be happier than single men (surprise, surprise!)—single women are reported to be happier than married women (also a big surprise, surprise!). Meaning? This only furthers the irony that single women are branded as "unhappy” and “lonely” and “loser-esque"—when single women are just boldly holding out for the right situation, rather than getting married just to get married.

7. It's easy to become married. Millions of people do it every year. If you want to pressure me to become something, hey, why not pick something a little more challenging—like an astrophysicist.

Getting married is very easy, especially if you elope and do it at a resort. Getting divorced, however, is rarely easy.

You can always get married. These days women are having children in their 60's. Charlie Chaplin had children in his 80's. That actor from the "Odd Couple," Tony Randall, had his first child in his late 70's.

I will, if I find a lady who has the looks of Valeria Matsa, the attitude of Lady Di and the devotion of Mother Teresa.

Additional bonus points: Speaks fluently Armenian, cooks better than I do, plays chess, tennis and bridge, speaks at least 4 languages, has 10 000 Euro or $ in her bank account, has never been convicted in a felony, misdemeanor or other criminal charges. Never used drugs (even recreational). Have no health problems in her family. Can swim, likes rock, jazz and classical music - tolerates folk (authentic). Doesn't need advice as to what to wear, when to wear and how to wear it. Posses huge (almost unbearable amount of self-confidence). Is willing to have kids. Have no tattoos. Genuine lover who doesn't recognize boundaries when it comes to sex - that is with her husband of course!

I will, if I find a lady who has the looks of Valeria Matsa, the attitude of Lady Di and the devotion of Mother Teresa.

Additional bonus points: Speaks fluently Armenian, cooks better than I do, plays chess, tennis and bridge, speaks at least 4 languages, has 10 000 Euro or $ in her bank account, has never been convicted in a felony, misdemeanor or other criminal charges. Never used drugs (even recreational). Have no health problems in her family. Can swim, likes rock, jazz and classical music - tolerates folk (authentic). Doesn't need advice as to what to wear, when to wear and how to wear it. Posses huge (almost unbearable amount of self-confidence). Is willing to have kids. Have no tattoos. Genuine lover who doesn't recognize boundaries when it comes to sex - that is with her husband of course!