Go Away Summer

Could have fooled me though. This is August weather. In June. What kind of cruel joke is Mother Nature trying to play on us?

This reminds me of the weather we had in ‘Nam during the war. I remember it like it was yesterday. The swift boat dropped John Kerry and I off on the banks of the Poo Nahnee river and we had to cut our way through the humidity with our machetes. We had to tie rolls of Bounty to our heads to mop up the constant stream of sweat. We got heat stroke so many times that our reality was more like a dreamworld than our dreamworld was. Hah – one time when we were crossing the Moo Goo Gai Pan river under sniper fire, John tried to windsurf across on a crocodile. Silly ivy leaguer. I came to his rescue and beat the bajeezus out of that croc with the butt of my gun, but lost it along with three fingers and a buttock in the process. I had to retrofit a potato gun I’d bought at Wall Drug on a family vacation into a tofu gun. Now you know why I’ll never be a vegan.

I’ve had enough already! I want my dry, 75 degree days back. I want to be able to open my windows at night. I don’t want to have to take three showers every day. I don’t want to have to run my air conditioner around the clock. I don’t want my jeans to stick to me when I go out at night.