Here are some tell tale signs of people who constantly live in the past, consumed with self-pity and stuck in a rut. These people never take responsibility for their mistakes, always looking to gain sympathy from others and are just down right negative! Be careful they don’t suck the living life force out of you!

YOU FIND IT HARD TO LAUGH AT LIFE AND AT YOURSELF.

Taking yourself too seriously, and finding it difficult to laugh at your predicaments and defeats is a tell-tale sign of self-pity. Beware.

YOU TEND TO CRAVE FOR DRAMA.

In truth, you’re a little bit of a Drama Queen and tend to have a melodramatic streak to you. Usually this stems from extremist types of thinking (e.g. black-and-white, all-or-nothing mindsets).

YOU TEND TO CRAVE FOR SYMPATHY.

Self-pity is so addictive because it gives us the momentary pleasure of being supported, cared for and emotionally pampered. This is a dangerous, highly manipulative way of developing emotional bonds and connections with other people.

YOU TEND TO BE AN INDIVIDUALIST.

Self-pity is one of the most effective ways of keeping yourself separate and independent from the friends, family and people around you.

YOU TEND TO BE A PAST-ORIENTATED PERSON.

Some people live in the present, others in the future, and still others in the past. Self-pity is inextricably linked to past-focused mindsets that dwell on past events.

YOU HAVE LOW SELF-ESTEEM.

People with low self-esteem tend to crave the acceptance and affection of other people as a way of feeling better about themselves. The mask of self-pity that constantly promotes its tragic-life-story campaign is an excellent way of collecting flocks of unsuspecting supporters.

DEEP DOWN, YOU DON’T BELIEVE YOU’RE WORTHY OF LOVE.

This stems from low self-esteem and creates a cycle of self-destructive behaviour. Self-pity is one of the greatest tools for the self-destructive person. It creates self-fulfilling prophecies, and alienates all the people you love and admire from you.

YOU HAVE AN UNHEALTHY HABIT OF BEING SELF-ABSORBED.

Quite simply, the more self-absorbed you are, the more likely you are to fall into the trap of self-pity.

YOU HAVE A STRONG FIGHTING INSTINCT.

This can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on what you choose to use it for. When used in a negative sense, the fighting instinct is used to battle against life, to fight against the tide, and to fight against accepting reality.

YOU SUBCONSCIOUSLY FEEL GUILTY.

Often times self-pity is an unconscious way of avoiding taking responsibility for personal actions or decisions made in the past. When we find it too difficult to accept the wrong that we’ve committed, sometimes we tend to hide from it by making ourselves the victims, rather than other people. In this case, self-pity is the perfect cowardly self-defense mechanism.

Rising above is to see clearly, from a detached perspective. It is to see past the illusion of everyday life and recognize the soap opera for the self-created script that it is.

Rising above means you understand that the time has come to remove yourself from the illusion. To pull away and move forward…never looking back.Rising above means not feeling regret, resentment, or anger. These are the very things that keep you tied to the illusion.Rising above means taking responsibility for your life. Not blaming your current problems on others. If you allowed yourself to stay in the situation, then you allowed yourself to experience the outcome.When you feel like a victim, you need to recognize that you allowed the situation to manifest. That is strength. That is self-empowerment. That is awareness.It takes courage and faith to see a situation for what it is, not as you wish it to be. Your physical eyes can deceive and your world is built on that illusion if you allow it.It takes a strong person to fade away from circumstances, situations and relationships that once held value, but have become a test of endurance and inner strength.To rise above is to acknowledge and respect yourself and not remain trapped in an endless cycle of unhealthy habits.Strong individuals recognize situations that are no longer healthy. They understand the value of the lesson and they know how to apply it accordingly.In the end, you will emerge as a butterfly. Ready to test your wet wings on a new illusion of reality. One that brings you ever so closer to who you truly are.

To be so strong that nothing
can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity
to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel
that there is something in them
To look at the sunny side of everything
and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best,
and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others
as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past
and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times
and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself
that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud words but great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side
so long as you are true to the best that is in you…

Tolerance is giving every other human being the rights that you claim for yourself.

Tolerance is not indifference due to lack of conviction. Nor does it mean we agree or like what others do and say. But we recognize that others have the right to their own point of view and to be able to express themselves openly, provided they too practice tolerance. And we at least listen with respect.

Tolerance implies no lack of commitment to one’s own beliefs. Rather it condemns the oppression or persecution of others.

Commitment does not mean we can no longer learn, and we can only learn by being open-minded. Any belief is a trap if it is no longer open to revision. Applying our own trap to others is the result of intolerance.

The highest result of education is tolerance. That is, education that teaches understanding and open-mindedness, not conformance to fixed belief systems.

Tolerance is the path to understanding.If we could look into each other’s hearts and understand the unique challenges that each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance and care.

Tolerance of evil (i.e. doing deliberate harm) is misguided – but the fact is most people do the best they can with the best they know and are not evil, and the way forward therefore is tolerant and respectful communication to share understanding.

Since others have to tolerate my weaknesses, it is only fair that I should tolerate theirs.Since we each have our weaknesses, mutual toleration brings us together, we learn to complement and support each other. Tolerance and celebration of individual differences is the fire that fuels lasting love.

Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good or bad luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul.

Without these small tests, if they be events, illnesses or relationships, life would be like a smoothly paved,straight, flat road to nowhere.

If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them. For they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to who you open your heart to.

If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because they are teaching you to love and opening your heart and eyes to things you would have never seen or felt without them.

Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again.

Talk to people you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you either.

You can make of your life anything you wish. Create your own life and then go out and live it!

You are beautiful. Your beauty, just like your capacity for life, happiness, and success, is immeasurable. Day after day, countless people across the globe get on a scale in search of validation of beauty and social acceptance.

Get off the scale! I have yet to see a scale that can tell you how enchanting your eyes are. I have yet to see a scale that can show you how wonderful your hair looks when the sun shines its glorious rays on it. I have yet to see a scale that can thank you for your compassion, sense of humor, and contagious smile. Get off the scale because I have yet to see one that can admire you for your perseverance when challenged in life.

It’s true; the scale can only give you a numerical reflection of your relationship with gravity. That’s it. It cannot measure beauty, talent, purpose, life force, possibility, strength, or love. Don’t give the scale more power than it has earned. Take note of the number, then get off the scale and live your life. You are beautiful!”

Very few people would argue for the positive influence of envy in our lives. In fact, most of us can quickly recognize its harmful effects:

It fosters discontent and distress.

It binds our freedom.

It leads to resentment and bitterness.

It causes us to do things we wouldn’t normally do.

It can spiral into depression.

And yet, the wasted emotions of envy and jealousy continue to be present in our lives. It is a constant battle that wars against our heart and soul. We experience envy over other peoples’ appearance, talents, relationships, and bank accounts. It offers no positive contribution to our lives. Yet, it remains.

It is time to break free. Certainly, each of us desire to live in freedom from jealousy and envy. How then, can we overcome it?

Consider these helpful, life-changing steps to overcoming envy:

1. Shift your focus to the goodness in your life. One of the biggest reasons we envy the life of another is because we have begun to take our blessings for granted. Count them again. You are talented. You are gifted. You are cared for. You are unique. Your life is too valuable to be lived like everyone else. You have countless reasons to be grateful for the life you have been given. Remind yourself again.

2. Remind yourself that nobody has it all.Comparing your life with others is always a losing proposition. There will always appear to be people who have it better than you. But remember, we always compare the worst of what we know about ourselves to the best assumptions we make about others. Be reminded, nobody has it all. Each person you meet experiences problems, trials, and weaknesses–just like you. This is what makes us human. Nobody is exempt. Nobody has it all.

3. Avoid people who habitually value the wrong things. If you spend all your time with people who compare the latest fashions, you are going to start desiring the latest fashions. If you spend all your time with people who talk about their salaries, their new cars, or their extravagant vacations, you are going to naturally fall into the inevitable trap of comparing your possessions to theirs. But there are far more important things to pursue. Remove yourself from the conversation (and the relationship if necessary).

4. Spend time with grateful people. Gratitude is highly contagious–that is why I spend time reading Tammy Strobel. You can read gratitude in almost every word she writes. Find grateful people who experience contentment in their lives and spend quality time with them. You can find them online or you can find them in person. But the more you invest your time with them, the more their spirit will become yours… and soon, others will desire what you have.

5. Understand that marketers routinely fan the flame. One of the most effective tools for advertisers in our culture is to foster jealousy and envy among us. After all, if they can cause us to recklessly desire the possessions of another, they can drive us to great lengths to acquire it for ourselves. Be on guard against their tactics. Recognize them. Avoid them. And refuse to succumb to their deception.

6. Celebrate the success of others. Genuinely and practically, rejoice in the fortune of others. When somebody receives something that you desire, be happy for them. If you wanted it, they probably did too. Stop viewing life as a competition. Joy is not a finite resource. And the moment you learn to experience happiness in others’ joy is the day you take a huge step to overcoming envy once and for all.

7. Be generous. Even if you have to force yourself into it at first, make generosity an essential habit in your life. Give your time. Give your finances. Give your abilities, talents, and skills. Volunteer in your community. Support a cause that promotes social justice. And get your hands dirty. As you begin to spend more time and more energy with those who have less than you, the more you will find fulfillment and meaning. And when you do, the allure of another’s person life will quickly fade away.

Envy has held us hostage for far too long. It is time, once and for all, to break free from envy and experience a more fulfilled life because of it.

A woman of substance is a woman of power, a woman of positive influence and a woman of meaning. To be branded a woman of substance is one of the greatest compliments one can give a woman that wants to be an “influential” female. Below, I have assembled four qualities a girl/woman should possess in order to become a “woman of substance.”

Embrace your individuality and be happy the way you are

The pressure put on women in today’s society is immense and I admire any female out there who doesn’t let the high demands and expectations get them down. In my experience, I have learned that we, as women, should not let the likes of “perfected” images or “criticism” affect us and It has come as such a relief to me to realize that being different and imperfect is far more interesting than being a “perfect” person. I believe that being yourself and feeling happy as yourself- just the way you are signifies the word “beauty.”

Use your voice

We were all blessed with voices to use them- so use them! I’m a relatively quiet person and a woman of not many words who next to never will indulge in small talk chit chat. It’s just who I am. However, on the other hand, when it comes to standing up for what I believe in or voicing my opinions on things, I never fail to make use of my voice. And neither shall you! Make use of what god has given you and say what you think, say what you believe in, and argue against what you don’t.

Find your dream in life and pursue it

Follow your heart…never give up…and you can do anything. We all have the ability to do whatever it is we want to do and fulfill any dream we want to fulfill; we just have to go and do it. When you find your passion in life, it creates a meaning in your life and gives you a purpose in the world: it generates happiness.

Live up to your morals and values- always remain aware of them

Living by your morals and values in life; inspires you, motivates you and energizes you for doing something significant in the world. As children, we were always being told to be a person of moral and were educated to understand what our values are. I think, when we grow older we seem to loose or forget about those crucial qualities and in order for us to be descent human beings, we should consider re-educating ourselves on morals and values.

Don’t compare yourself to other women.

While there is nothing wrong with having a female role model to look up to, constantly feeling jealous of other women will leave you feeling horrible about yourself. Though jealousy is natural to some degree, western society tends to exacerbate female jealousy through advertisements and films that feature unrealistic standards of beauty. The result is a culture of women who feel insecure and unhappy with their own bodies.

The first step to overcoming jealousy is to recognize when you are experiencing it. If you find yourself reading a magazine and comparing your own body to those of the models, take a moment to remind yourself that a) these women are paid to look the way they do, and many of them lead very unhealthy lives to maintain their figures, and b) the camera really does add weight; women who look “perfect” in magazines or in movies usually look gaunt in real life.

Try not to compare your own negative qualities with other women’s positive qualities. Every woman has her own best assets, whether it is her breasts, her legs, her arms, her eyes, her hair, or her butt. Let go of trying to have it all, and appreciate what you do have.

If one were to ask a selection of people what triggers their anger I suspect there would be a wide range of answers. However one thing I am certain of is that whatever the cause, even a single word spoken in anger can leave an impression on a person’s heart that may remain for a long time, and has the ability to ruin the beauty of any relationship.

A famous sage once said, “How can there be peace on earth if the hearts of men are like volcanoes?” If within the person there can be peace and freedom from anger, only then can they live in harmony with others. So how can we set about creating that sense of peace within ourselves?

It starts with the realisation that we do have the choice to think and feel the way we want to. If we look at what it is that makes us angry we might discover there is nothing that has the power to make us feel this way. We can only allow something to trigger our anger—the anger is how we respond to some event or somebody. But because we are so used to reacting on impulse, we forget to choose how we want to feel and then respond inappropriately, leaving ourselves with angry feelings.

Have you ever heard someone saying: “I really hate it when you speak like that to me?” Or how about, “How many times do I have to tell you to do it like this?” One lesson I have learned is that, try as I might, I can never control circumstances, people or situations, as they are constantly changing. The only thing I can control is the way I choose to respond.

Only I can increase my capacity to tolerate; only I can develop my ability to understand; and only I can nurture my love for others regardless of whether one day they praise me and the next they defame me. Modern-day life comes with a whole host of challenges. In facing these I have come to see every interaction within our world as part of one large drama or game. And within this drama, every single individual has their own unique part to play, which is essentially an expression of their own inner self.

As I come to accept this, rather than spending my time keeping an eye on what others are doing, I can begin to use my energy to play my own part to the best of my ability. I realise that I cannot possess or own the behaviour of others, because if I do, this will ultimately lead to conflict. Instead I need to practise the understanding that regardless of whatever action a person may be doing, according to their own part within the play there is some reason why they are behaving in that way. Therefore I should try not to jump to conclusions too easily; and rather than trying to control another person’s behaviour, it will be far easier and more productive for me to focus my energy on my own actions.

So what is so wrong in judging in their actions? There is a danger that if we become too concerned with their activity, we may begin to feel anger toward that person, which may lead to dislike for them. We put them into some kind of box, and fix a label on them. Then whenever we come into contact with that person, we will see him or her in the light of their past mistake. But in doing this, we are effectively imprisoning them in their past actions. However if we allow the person the dignity of actually growing out of their own mistake—if our vision allows them to do that—then, sooner or later, it is possible for people to change.

This concept of life being a drama can help us to detach ourselves from what’s happening around us, and this detachment or space is of great help in learning not to make judgements so quickly about others. If we create a small space, a healthy space between ourselves and the drama of life, we find that that space acts like a buffer. Neither will we jump out and grab someone’s throat, nor will the drama of life be able to suddenly grab us unawares.

This is one of the many benefits of practising meditation. It helps us to create personal space within ourselves so that we have the chance to look, weigh up the situation, and respond accordingly, through remaining in a state of self-control. When we are angry, we have no self-control. At that moment we are in a state of internal chaos, and the anger can be a very destructive force.

Broadly speaking, there are two methods which people suggest one should try and deal with anger. Some say if you’re feeling angry, then be angry as a way of expression—let it out. And indeed, at that moment we do become free from the anger, because we have let it out. However, as we deepen our understanding and experience of the way in which our consciousness works, we realise that the more we do something, the deeper that habit becomes. So tomorrow we will find it easier to become angry because we have already done it today. It is like a smoker trying to give up cigarettes. When he feels like smoking, he smokes, and so he doesn’t feel like smoking any more. Nice idea. But instead of removing that desire, the act of smoking has only temporarily fulfilled it, and the habit has taken an even firmer grip such that tomorrow the desire will be even stronger. So expression doesn’t transform the habit or feeling.