Hm, I like this a lot. An interesting style that I have not often read. Even more so with the topic. Mostly, when one reads such a topic, the boyfriend is the one who makes the girl feel so self-conscious that she feels she has to be so "painfully perfect." Here it is the opposite: the boyfriend is the one who sees her self-destruction and wishes it were not so. A breath of fresh air in a topic so often written.

While I liked the idea you presented, I felt at times the phrasing came off as awkward. For example: "I adjust my / (cuttingoffcirculation) / dress" didn't really flow. I think that is because the "cuttingoffcirculation" was not an adjective, which would fit well in the sentence. Parenthesis oft imply that it is something you would like to say in that place but feel it should be almost whispered, I guess. I feel like something in parenthesis should still fit in the sentence fluently if there were no parenthesis to make it only "half there" so to speak. Maybe if you somehow made that phrase into an adjective of sorts, it might fit better. *shrug* As I said, I'm not sure but I THINK that is what made it feel awkward when I read it.

Aside from that, I really did love this. :) The idea of it as well as the imagery were both refreshing and well put. Kudos.

wow...this was prob one of ur best...love the way you bring out the realistic sense of such things...

Rosanna28 chapter 1 . 10/7/2005

Hey ya Simpleplan (sorry, I dunno your real name)...I just read on your bio that you need to know which poems are your best so I thought I'd drop a review on my favorite poem of yours! I dunno why really, but everytime I read it it gets more beautiful and I feel like I have to cry..Maybe because I've been in the situation of the guy so many times and it's just so sad...But yeahh, anyway, this is my favorite and I hope you'll win the contest! I'll keep my fingers crossed for you! _

oh the things women go through to look beautiful... or just to feel beautiful. this is perfectly bittersweet (haha I almost said the title as my comment) the poor guy, the poor girl... and yet you write it so beautifully, as if it was just this way and it is neither good nor bad, just truth. absolutely amazing.

This is really good.. It's not an idea I've seen used before, which is always good, and the short lines give it a slightly fragmented feel, almost disillusioned, and, did you make the poem itself thin deliberately? If you did, that was an amazingly good idea. Even if you didn't though, it's a brilliant poem. Keep it up! )

Rosanna28 chapter 1 . 8/13/2005

Well it also gave me a tear in my eye, cause this is how I felt so many times...It's so beautiful!

I love how you add comment in parantheses...it makes the meaning of the poem change dramatically. I would say this is a wonderful poem but the message is very sad. It is a moving poem, however. Good job. Thanks for reviewing my poems.