164 comments

Monicque Abby is right on all counts. Its pointless me going over old ground. Let me give you some positives. Great read and a nice flow to it. I dont like Ghosty stuff as a rule but found myself enjoying this book. Well told story with a good pace to throughout. Well done and good luck with it. Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you?? Many thanks. Sean

Crazy story. I love ghost nd time travel stories -my two favorites. The writing is pretty good and there is constant action. The chapters are a good length, some may be a little short for a book. But I think editing is needed. In the first chapter it is very repetitive. You keep repeating "am I dead," "who is that man" and twice you wrote, almost verbatim about forgetting what you read about to do when you die. The repetitiveness ...

Crazy story. I love ghost nd time travel stories -my two favorites. The writing is pretty good and there is constant action. The chapters are a good length, some may be a little short for a book. But I think editing is needed. In the first chapter it is very repetitive. You keep repeating "am I dead," "who is that man" and twice you wrote, almost verbatim about forgetting what you read about to do when you die. The repetitiveness takes over the tension of the chapter and just makes it tedious. Go back through that, maybe read it out loud. The other chapters are better in that respect but are mostly all dialogue. While that helps with the pace some narrative is good.

The Multiple Choice at face value seems to have a number of elements mixed together such as murder, revenge, spiritualism, travels to another world etc but it all works very nicely. There are many books out there with this kind of theme but you have managed to put a unique twist on things by giving Amelia a chance to change things after she has died. The beginning is very strong and we are sucked straight away into the terror that ...

The Multiple Choice at face value seems to have a number of elements mixed together such as murder, revenge, spiritualism, travels to another world etc but it all works very nicely. There are many books out there with this kind of theme but you have managed to put a unique twist on things by giving Amelia a chance to change things after she has died. The beginning is very strong and we are sucked straight away into the terror that Amelia is feeling when she is being strangled and then the realisation that she is about to die followed by confusion about what death should be all about. Her Guardian Angel Joe is a great character. I would have wanted to give him a big hug if I had been there with him and in that predicament! I have only read up to chapter 3 but the story kept me wanting to turn the page so that is a compliment to your style of writing. Six stars awarded. Perhaps you would like to check out my novel Pain. This also deals with untimely death and the way the living connect with the dead although mine is focused around a child rather than an adult.

Monicque, I know you've classified The Multiple Choice as Thriller, Horror, and Sci-Fi, but dying and going to the '80s is a great comic idea. Opening with the protagonist reporting on her own death is genius -- how could the reader not keep turning the pages? Amelia's experience of the afterlife is also imaginative, in that it doesn't feel that much different from life, at least at first. The opportunity to change things is appealing and relatable -- who hasn't ...

Monicque,

I know you've classified The Multiple Choice as Thriller, Horror, and Sci-Fi, but dying and going to the '80s is a great comic idea.

Opening with the protagonist reporting on her own death is genius -- how could the reader not keep turning the pages? Amelia's experience of the afterlife is also imaginative, in that it doesn't feel that much different from life, at least at first. The opportunity to change things is appealing and relatable -- who hasn't thought about things they'd do differently if they had the chance? But you have to consider the consequences . . . Amelia wants to solve the mystery of her murder, but the real mystery here is death itself.

I really liked Joe's line, "Just because you're dead, it doesn't mean your life is over." Amelia's little detail of playing netball on Tuesdays is poignant and real. Who has time to be dead, right? Your short chapters really propel things along.

In 4 chapters, I found very little to nitpick. I noted two items in chapter 1:

In my opinion, "excrutiating" is strong enough on its own and doesn't need the adverb "incredibly."

I really enjoyed your take on the afterlife. This didn't leave much of a chance to breathe. I did find it strange at first to have this much action in such a short time but this seems like the style now a days. I'm more use to leisurely openings but I'm old.

Hi, Monique. Here's some thoughts I had as I read the first half dozen chapters.. Chapter 1 - I admit my heart sank a little when I started reading - the idea of starting a book with a death is a little cliche - but that's one heck of an introduction. Taut prose, very well written (I could quible about a couple of word choices, no more) ... it left me fully engaged in the story and eager to read ...

Hi, Monique. Here's some thoughts I had as I read the first half dozen chapters..

Chapter 1 - I admit my heart sank a little when I started reading - the idea of starting a book with a death is a little cliche - but that's one heck of an introduction. Taut prose, very well written (I could quible about a couple of word choices, no more) ... it left me fully engaged in the story and eager to read on.

Chapter 2 - the meeting with Joe, in particular the dialogue, is very well handled. I particularly like the way Joe only gives out enough information/backstory to meet the immediate needs of the reader.

Chapter 3 - 'ute' = utility vehicle, yes? (Had to look that one up). Nice reveal about why Amelia has split from her husband. So far there's been nothing that's jarred me out of the read. Even though the story runs without break between these first 3 chapters, I think it's a good idea to break them where you have - if only to make reading the book on an eReader easier.

Chapter 4, 5, 6, 7 - no let-down in the quality of the writing. Excellent progression, Tension well-handled. To be honest, there's nothing here I can offer critique on. The only question I can think of is (assuming the rest of the book keeps up these standards): when is it due to be published?

Many thanks for taking the time to comment on my book ages back - I'm sorry it's taken me so long to reciprocate. And best wishes with taking this book forward.

Fantastic introduction and a fascinating account of 'death', Monicque. The character's situation generates a vast amount of instantaneous sympathy as it touches a fear we can all empathise with - the fear of intrusion into our homes. Very powerful, emotive and, actually, fast-paced writing, from what I have read so far.

THE MULTIPLE CHOICEhullo Monicque. An interesting concept of demise and the follow-up. at least there shouldn't be anyone to tell you that it will not occur in the way that you describe. I haven't been able to read it all yet but I am working on it and moving yours toward the major shelf. Yours is starred too so don't forget mine! LLL

Monicque Nope, I have no idea how it will end - and I don't think you do either. But aren't you having fun?Just like your readers! The originality here is brilliant. It is so intense, and so full of sudden twists and short, swift switches that you maybe ought to keep your eye on 75 - 80,000. It is roller-coaster stuff and any more could leave your reader tipping into feeling it is all too much. The early chapters - ...

Monicque

Nope, I have no idea how it will end - and I don't think you do either. But aren't you having fun?Just like your readers! The originality here is brilliant. It is so intense, and so full of sudden twists and short, swift switches that you maybe ought to keep your eye on 75 - 80,000. It is roller-coaster stuff and any more could leave your reader tipping into feeling it is all too much.

The early chapters - I like the slick, short early chapters which suit this story perfectly - and they are better edited than the later ones, which are plainly as they dripped off your fingers. One thing to watch, though, are your pronouns. 'I am the subject of the sentence. Everywhere else I become me,' is a good motto to keep you right. So 'from Sam and me' not 'from I'. Where you have two people doing something try making each do it. Rick and me... went out. (I made that up but something like it appears in a few places) Rick went out, yes. Me went out - no. So Rick and I went out. It is the same with the other cases, he, she, they.

Your cover is striking, especially as a thumbnail among so many on this site. With the title, I would be inclined to drop The, just because it is not necessary. The pitch is effective - except for the last sentence. It does not sound too good to appear to praise yourself. On the back of a book a phrase like that would have been a quote from somebody else. The pitch, although used here to pull the others on the site in, is really aimed at an agent, so let him or her judge whether the excitement is effective by making your approach clinically business-like. We shall make our judgements too. And yes, it is an exciting read, and I shall star highly, not because it necessarily has that much depth but because I think it sparkles in a way which may lead to real success. Good luck with it. I hope I learn how Amelia's quest is resolved before too long!

There are a few things I would change in the dialogue and her inner monologue but I'm not going to say what they are. It's just personal to me. I'm mindful that it's someone elses work and I don't want to influence it in any way. It's an absolutely fantastic piece of writing and I will definitely read more when it is posted - hopefully you'll upload the remainder when it is finished. It is very pacy and you have ...

There are a few things I would change in the dialogue and her inner monologue but I'm not going to say what they are. It's just personal to me. I'm mindful that it's someone elses work and I don't want to influence it in any way. It's an absolutely fantastic piece of writing and I will definitely read more when it is posted - hopefully you'll upload the remainder when it is finished.

It is very pacy and you have to concentrate in case the story runs away from you. I'm glad I shelved and read this, it is well worthy of a high rank. Good luck with the remainder.

Monicque Your intriguing and powerful first chapter, together with a lively writing style, immediately captured my interest, pulled me in and kept me reading. I've read six chapters and my interest has not flagged once. I am putting it on my W/L pending space becoming available on my shelf. Nitpicks: " I couldn't remember what religion ..." is repeated in chapter 1. Amelia has already bought herself a drink in chapter 2 but seems to have forgotten it in chapter ...

MonicqueYour intriguing and powerful first chapter, together with a lively writing style, immediately captured my interest, pulled me in and kept me reading. I've read six chapters and my interest has not flagged once. I am putting it on my W/L pending space becoming available on my shelf.

Nitpicks: " I couldn't remember what religion ..." is repeated in chapter 1. Amelia has already bought herself a drink in chapter 2 but seems to have forgotten it in chapter 3. I think the use of words such as 'fuck' cheapens a novel, unless their use is absolutely in keeping with the character speaking; but that is only my own view. Best wishes William (The Caves of Caerdraig)

I really like this story. It's very interesting, and pulls the reader right in! The details aren't too much for this type of story, and it goes along like a dream. Very well done, I'm impressed. Unfortunately due to house rules, I won't be able to continue because of language, but perhaps in the future! I sincerely hope you get published! God bless! I look forward to any comments on Alexis you might have. Have a great day.

Hi again Monicque, After having you on my shelf for about 3 weeks, I'm finally here to leave a comment. So sorry for the delay, but I've been stupidly busy lately and just haven't been able to get on authonomy. :( I'll comment as I read since I find that the easiest way to keep track. OK I guess I better get started . :) Chapter 1: Good start. You've got my attention right from the 1st sentence. Chilling scene ...

Hi again Monicque,

After having you on my shelf for about 3 weeks, I'm finally here to leave a comment. So sorry for the delay, but I've been stupidly busy lately and just haven't been able to get on authonomy. :(

I'll comment as I read since I find that the easiest way to keep track. OK I guess I better get started . :)

Chapter 1:

Good start. You've got my attention right from the 1st sentence. Chilling scene with the murder, especially when I learn he knows her name. And I really feel her terror and confusion as she looks at her own dead body. Very weird that she can interact with the physical world as a ghost. I'm intrigued. What's going on?

Chapter 2:

I like the idea of the lights in the sky being gateways to other worlds. And Joe seems like an interesting character. Ah the plot thickens when he asks if she would change things about her life if she could. Why do I get the feeling that taking his offer might turn out to be a lot more complicated than expected? ...

Chapter 3:

I like the fact the only real sign she's dead at this point is the beams. The almost-normal feel's eerie. I can really picture the scene, and I think the regular landscape scattered with the beams of light stretching to the heavens would look great on film. I wonder why he drops her at the nightclub. I'm guessing this place must be more than it seems. ;)

Chapter 4:

Hmmm looks like the nightclub is from a past time. I guess it too is "dead" in a sense. Has she travelled back in time?

Chapter 5:

I like the little details that hint at the date. Good way of easing the reader into the previous time. Shock chapter end, meeting Charlie. Does that mean he's dead too? Or is she trapped in her memories? Is she in some alternate world? Lots of possibilities. Interesting.

Chapter 6:

The meeting with Kim was unpleasant. Nasty piece of work grrrr. Hmmm things are getting odder here. How's Kim know she's dead? Maybe all this is somehow in Amelia's head. Or is Kim dead too? There are some interesting hints at dark secrets. By the end of the chapter, I'm more confused than ever and want to read on to unravel this intriguing story. :)

OK sadly I'm out of time and need to sum up. :(

I enjoyed this v much. Your book's v readble and moreish. It's simply written, but all the more effective because of that. The key idea's solid, and I think there's a v cinematic feel to your scenes. I can see this working just as well in film form as in book form.

I'm glad I've had you on my shelf for a good while. I'd like to see this get spotted and published. I'm giving you plenty of stars right now to try and give a little extra nudge.

Like others here, this is not something I would usually read, but I found myself strangely hooked. However - and this may be because I also write screenplays - I felt that this would make an excellent film - more so, in my opinion, than a book. Could really feel your characters, not an easy thing to do, so well done.

Monicque, Interesting premise but after the second time of 'jumping' into another period of time it becomes like Quantum Leap. Maybe as a very short story or an essay this could work but to expand and keep leaping doesn't hold the readers attention. Some of the situations are quite amusing but they are relatively normal and most people would encounter them in one form or another. Sorry but i think this could be so much better. The style and the ...

Monicque,

Interesting premise but after the second time of 'jumping' into another period of time it becomes like Quantum Leap.Maybe as a very short story or an essay this could work but to expand and keep leaping doesn't hold the readers attention.Some of the situations are quite amusing but they are relatively normal and most people would encounter them in one form or another.Sorry but i think this could be so much better. The style and the dialougue are what keeps the reader moving forward and that is not an easy thing to accomplish.i would suggest playing to your strengths.

This book is creepy, but awesome. I was completely into it and had to force my eyes away. I will definitely be reading more and sad to say, there's nothing I can contribute to make it better. It's great! Good job!