Friday, April 28, 2006

Top Entries10. Hillary: "I would've preferred a bust."Bill: "That makes two of us" - The Man9.Hillary: "I would've preferred a bust."Man: "Well that would've been making a mountain out of a molehill."Hillary: "I meant a statue." - Rodney Dill8. The public unvieling of the design for the new 20 dollar bill. - Waldo Cartridge7.TA DA!Hillary Clinton - Care to vote for her?TA DA!Hillary Rodham Clinton - Care to vote for her now? C'mon just a little bit? Admit it. - Rodney Dill6. The public unveiling of Leonardo Da Vinci's first draft of the Mona Lisa. - Damian G5. Hil: Now I have a version of me to be on one side of an issue, and one version to be on the other! - GOP and College4. Man on left: Dang, Bill was right, you don't have a good side! - Sssteve3. Small: "We airbrushed your turkey neck and made your breasts seem 'perky.'" - Wyatt Earp2. How did I get that enigmatic Mona Lisa smile? Ben-wa balls. - Cowboy Blob1."We didn't need you to model 'cause we just air brushed a picture of Helen Thomas"- Rodney Dill

Photoshop EntriesIn a cheap political stunt, the GOP replaced Hillary's portrait with a mirror. Her lack of reflection confirmed many people's belief that she is a blood-sucking liberal.-The Man

After award-winning coverage of the TWU Transit Strike, GOP and the City has been chosen by TWU President Roger Toussaint to publish a daily "jail blog" from deep inside his jail cell. Each day Roger will post on life on the inside.

Jail Diary: Day 4 (of 10 4.5)by Roger Toussaint

Dear Diary,

Good News! My plan to escape from prison, using the nail file that Al Sharpton had snuck in - hidden in a half-eaten hoagie, is not needed! Thanks to good behavior, I'll be set free Friday morning.

Let me tell you, it comes in the nick of time. Apparently the market price (in the clink) for a well-kept TWU president is hovering around 3 cartons of cigarettes. I'm outraged and planned to hold out for at least 4 cartons and a handful of sweetie-gold.

I hear the strikers at "Camp Roger" rejected the proposal we offered them. When I get down there, Roger's going to split some wigs for sure.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

If you find yourself in New Jersey, be on the lookout for missing Anthrax. No, not a couple of tapes of 80's speed metal...we are talking about vials of Bacillus anthracis which are missing from a lab in Jersey. The same state that lost a couple of rats carrying a strain of The Plague. Sweet.

A state-run lab in Trenton ran a inventory check and came up 2 vials short from a supply of Anthrax that was recovered from the 2001 attacks on the Hamilton Township postal facility, which killed five people. The case is still unsolved.

Ironically, the vials were discovered to be missing while the lab was in the process of moving to a more secure building.

It's not known if a simple counting error or if someone walked off with the vials. If you see someone with a couple of vials of anthrax spores -- "which were suspended in a liquid medium in 2-inch-long, capped tubes", you are advised to call CDC ASAP.

After award-winning coverage of the TWU Transit Strike, GOP and the City has been chosen by TWU President Roger Toussaint to publish a daily "jail blog" from deep inside his jail cell. Each day Roger will post on life on the inside.

Jail Diary: Day 3 (of 10)by Roger Toussaint

Dear Diary,

There's trouble in the ranks at "Camp Roger", the temporary protest site manned by paid TWU members. The guards told me the residents of "Camp R." have walked off the job, it's a strike! The strikers claim that $24 an hour was an insult, the living conditions were horrible, and Al Sharpton had devoured all the food.

Let me just say that $24 an hour is more than fair, the TWU is asking too much for a job where they just sit there and do nothing. Their protest salary is more than the starting salary of a MTA Conductor. This is the height of hypocrisy.

The TWU has been negotiating with the strikers. So far we have purposed $25 an hour, a port-a-john, and removal of Al Sharpton. The strikers are set to vote on the proposal tonight.

What happens when Agent Jack Bauer gets involved in a Nigerian Email Scam? We set out to answer this and have a little fun at the expense of a scammer who is probably boasting to his buddies that he's scamming some guy named "Jack Bauer" from America. Bad things happen to people who scam Jack Bauer, very bad things.

So far, Mr. Luis Rakotozafy, who's father was killed in an "accident" en route to visit the President of Togo has sent us an email. In his time of need, Luis unknowingly contacted super-agent Jack Bauer at our Blogs4Bauer email address.

In return for some help from Bauer, Luis promised 20% of his family fortune. Jack Bauer accepted the mission and offered a little more, a chance for revenge for the death of his father. You can read the entire first part of this scambait by clicking here.

Since the last post, Luis has tried to calm Jack Bauer's desire to kill terrorists and for revenge, while also trying to get us to contact him via phone and fax. RFTR and I decided to take a new route and bring in more members of the 24 crew.So "Nina Myers" (aka - me) sent Mr. Rakotozafy an email warning him of Jack. In the email, Nina warns Luis that Jack is not to be trusted. To instill trust, we also attached the photo on the right of Jack and Nina together.

Nina also insists that she hasn't seen the correspondence between him and Bauer, but predicts that Jack probably seems hell-bent on revenge more than getting Luis his money. Nina ends the email with a warning that Jack will probably go after Luis once the money runs out.

Next Step: Jack Bauer Responds.

Post your comments on how Jack Bauer should respond in the wake of Nina's email. Luis is still asking for a phone/fax number. We don't have much time. The clock is ticking...

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Jack Bauer was in Nashville for the Nashville Film Festival last week. Bauer's entourage planned on partying at a trendy place called Sambuca. Bauer decided to smoke (I don't like smoking, but if anyone should be allowed to smoke...come on it's Jack Bauer). A rogue bus boy confronted Bauer about the "no smoking" policy. As the dust and dishes settled, Bauer was gone - the bus boy had ruled the day! Now, Bauer states that the bus boy slammed a tray of dishes down and sprayed him and his guests with dishtray funk.

Now I think we know what really happened:

"The Bus Boy" hid amongst the tables with his group of trained evil ninjas - armed to the teeth. The group had taken over the second floor of Sambuca and held the mayor's daughter hostage with demands to be met...or she dies. They also planned to blow up a local landmark to cover their escape. Meanwhile - Jack Bauer landed on the roof of Sambuca.

The call had come into CTU-Nashville 4 minutes ago. Bauer geared up, started the chopper, and planned the assault in 3 minutes. The spare minute was spent in line at the Krispy Kreme on Old Hickory Boulevard, the "hot donuts" sign was on.

The group of 30 ninjas, led by "The Bus Boy" prepared to blow up the Country Music Hall of Fame and kill their hostage. The mayor had not met their demands for season tickets to the Titans and to bring back Hee-Haw. "We are running out of time, y'all" yelled Bauer as he prepared to enter the building.

What happened next is a mystery, known only to "The Bus Boy" who escaped, and Jack Bauer. But in the end the mayor's daughter is safe, The CMHoF is intact, and Hee-Haw is still off the air. Jack Bauer saved the day....err hour, again.

A Day to celebrate the dignity, beauty and life of chickens and to protest against the bleakness of their lives in farming operations - UPC Press ReleaseUnited Poultry Concerns has moved International Respect for Chickens Day to May 4th. Last year it fell on April 27th. This move, to place the chicken holiday closer to Jack Bauer Appreciation Day, will not deter us from having a parade down Fifth Avenue on May 9th.

The group also lists some ideas for Chicken Day, including "Start an around-the-water-cooler talk about chickens". Ironically, the Guide to Not Getting Fired also lists starting conversations about poultry as one way to ensure unemployment or at least office ostracization.

For a dozen TWU members, protesting has become a full time job. The group has taken leave from the MTA for "unpaid release time", earning $24 an hour to sit outside The Tombs prison on Centre Street.

The "dirty dozen" sit in a tent for 8-hour shifts, 24 hours a day to give off the impression of support for jailed TWU president Roger Toussaint. To keep with union life - the members take an hour off for lunch.

After award-winning coverage of the TWU Transit Strike, GOP and the City has been chosen by TWU President Roger Toussaint to publish a daily "jail blog" from deep inside his jail cell. Each day Roger will post on life on the inside.

Jail Diary: Day 2 (of 10)by Roger Toussaint

Dear Diary,

The guards took away my gold-handled toothbrush. Apparently someone one the outside thought I could fashion it into a shiv. Lucky for me, Al Sharpton snuck in a nail file, buried in a half-eaten hoagie he'd brought in yesterday morning. The escape begins tonight!

Well it has been 48 hours in the slammer for me and I hear my supporters outside the jail are behind me 100%. For $24 an hour we are paying them, they'd better be behind us. I have heard rumblings that "Camp Roger" does not have running water and a proper toilet. The guards told me that the toilet is not an issue since we are all full of crap anyway.

Gotta go, my new cell-mate told me we were going to have a "Blanket party". That sounds fun!

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

SMYRNA -- Police have suspended the search for missing 28-month-old Analyce Guerra and are spending the day interviewing people who may have had contact with the family.Detectives have interviewed the toddler’s 4-year-old sister, who said "someone came and got (Analyce) and that person was Santa Claus,"

You know, I bet he ate all the damn cookies and drank the milk as well.

After award-winning coverage of the TWU Transit Strike, GOP and the City has been chosen by TWU President Roger Toussaint to publish a daily "jail blog" from deep inside his jail cell. Each day Roger will post on life on the inside. Jail Diary: Day 1 (of 10)by Roger Toussaint

Dear Diary,I'm spending my first day in jail, even though I am not sure why. It has been an exciting day so far, I even took The Man's advice and "walked my ass" to jail across the Brooklyn Bridge. You know, I hear that some people were forced to walk over that bridge in December. Why they did not take a chauffeured car across is a mystery to me?

It was fun and I had my trusty man-servant drag a case with all the things I'll need during my 10 days in jail:

I'm not sure about my cell mate though. He's a white guy with all these weird tattoos. He keeps talking about breaking out and something about his brother. He found out who I was and asked to be transferred to another cell.

Note to self: What does "fresh fish" mean? Are we having seafood tonight?

Well diary, lights are supposed to be out in 10 minutes. I will write again tomorrow!-Roger

Samuel L. Jackson thought he had problems when he found Snakes on his Plane. Chew on this nugget: There have been 6 planes on the show 24. 4 exploded! If you find yourself on an airplane with Jack Bauer, it would be a good idea to use that Air-phone and jack up your life insurance - bad things are about to happen.

Let's recall the fate of airplanes on 24:Season 1: Terrorists blow up a 747, starting the first of Jack Bauer's worst days of his life.Season 2: Jack Bauer and Nina Myers on a plane. Plane explodes and goes down in flames. "At the crash site in the Angeles National Forest, the still-alive Jack rolls out of the fuselage. A tree branch is lodged in his thigh. He yanks it out" (from Fox's recap)Season 2: Jack Bauer and George Mason got on a airplane. That flight ended up with a nuclear blast, spreading the airplane and George Mason across the Mojave Desert.Season 3: Jack Bauer and Nina on another plane, Jack pulls a gun on the pilot of the Navy Plane to keep the plane from returning to Mexico. (hat tip - junger)Season 4: Even Air Force One was not safe as it was shot down by a stolen stealth fighter.Season 5: Jack Bauer's manpurse was too large for a carryon, so he checks himself in as baggage.

Last night, 4 people were added to the Jack Bauer Kill Counter - despite Tyler D's live blogging. The black helicopter also stuck around for another week and forced SecDef Heller to use everything he learned from the Ted Kennedy Defensive Driving Course he took a few years back.

Monday, April 24, 2006

I read an article in the NY Post last week that laid out why American Idol is so popular. It appears that Americans like the ability to vote for a performer they like.

That got me thinking about how to make 24 more awesome, if that was possible. Then it came to me...votingAfter each episode you can call a number to cast a vote for the next person Jack Bauer should kill. Don't like Logan? Get a group of friends and call over and over again until that glorious week comes when Jack takes Logan out. But, if call and vote for Jack Bauer to be kicked...your phone melts.

Friday, April 21, 2006

Top Entries10. Bush pulls a "Jake Jarmel" and feels Hu's material. - Wyatt Earp9. Bush: Don't let a little heckling get you down. Look at it this way: you don't have to listen to Helen Thomas every day! - Pam8. Hand stitched by 8 years olds, huh?Wow, you're right, that's nice. You can really feel the difference...- jwookie7. Whoooa! You forgot the noodles with my order. - Maggie6. Everybody was clung hu fighting - Rodney Dill5. Five minutes into the official visit, China's president decides that the "Hu's on first" jokes have gotten really old. - Mac4. W: Hey Hu...is that the blood of an insubordinate on your shoe? - GOP and College3. Not so fast President Hu. The Secret Service has informed me that it was in fact you who went pee-pee in my Coke. It would appear that the proverbial gig is up. - Buckley F. Williams2. No No No HU, You can't shoot her now. - BC1.W: "Now, you're who again?"Hu: "I'm the President of China."W: "President who?"Hu: "Yes."W: "President Yes?"Hu: "No, Hu."W: "Who?"Hu: "Yes."W: "Let's try this again. I'm going to point to someone, and when I point to that person, he should say his name. Ready?"Hu: "Okay."W points to Hu.Hu: "Hu."W: "YOU!"Hu: "Yes, Hu."W, aside to someone off-camera: "It's like there's a language barrier or something." - RFTR

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Carnival of Bauer!!! VIIIThe 8th edition of The Carnival of Bauer!!! has been posted at Justin's Random Thoughts. This week's carnival has been dubbed The Carnival of Jennysince she's a junkie, it's 4/20, and Tony has already had a carnival.

On Wednesday, the Tennessee State Senate voted to overturn the election of Ophelia Ford (26-6), a victory for fair elections and yet another attempt for Memphis residents to wipe their hands clean of the crooked Ford family once and for all. A new election will be held, first with a Democratic primary in August and then a general election in November. The winner of the Democratic primary will face off against Republican Terry Roland.

"We did what we had to do to restore the integrity of the ballot box." - Sen. Ron Ramsey (R)

Ford won the 2005 election by only 13 votes over Roland. A closer look found at least 12 votes were cast by people that were felons, voting out of their district, or dead. Still more irregularities were found, including a forged signature of a poll worker who was not out of town during the election.

Archie L. Kirkwood could not be reached for comment. Kirkwood voted for Ford, which was the first time she had cast a ballot in 10 years. Good for her! It was also the first time she had cast a ballot since she passed away (two weeks before the election). Bad for Ophelia!

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

What better way to reign in the White House Press Corps than to install Jack Bauer as Press Secretary? Let's see if David Gregory has the guts to ask Jack Bauer about "sloppy seconds". Imagine Jack Bauer trying to sit still while Helen Thomas goes on one of her diatribes.

Jack Bauer would put these prima donnas in their place...and do so in a timely manner (usually within 24 hours). If hooking Helen Thomas' jowls up to a car battery or making David Gregory swallow a towel would not get the White House Press Corps in line, nothing will.

Top 10 Changes Jack Bauer Would Bring to the White House Press Corps10. Positive stories about Bush increase 145% in his first hour alone.9. Five moles weeded out of press corps by Bauer.8. Ask a stupid question; get hooked up to the sensory deprivation device.7. Podium replaced with bullet-proof barrier with gun ports.6. All press conferences last an hour, with all tough questions coming at 45 minutes past the hour.5. By the end of a press conference, a minimum of 34 people would have been killed.4. "No comment" replaced by "We don't have time for that question".3. Gary Bauer mistakenly showed up to a press conference, once.2. All comments will be yelled.1. Blogs4Bauer starts to live-blogs press conferences.

Do you have more ideas on what Bauer could bring to the White House Press Corps? Post them in the comments below.

JACK BAUER TO THE BRIEFING ROOM:It looks like some conservatives are happy that McClellan is splitting town. Check out this suggestion/fantasy for his replacement. I can't decide if it's offensive (shooting Helen Thomas?) or just kind of lame. Of course, I could say that about most jokes that I find via Powerline.--Jason Zengerle posted 3:47 p.m.

and that post drew one comment:

...Maybe someone should actually watch the program before posting dumb jokes!(ligedog1)

I do not condone shooting Helen Thomas, just hooking her jowls up to a car battery. As for the comment about my lack of 24 viewing - I don't blog on a site called Blogs4Bauer because I watch The Apprentice on Monday nights.

For more humor, click here to read posts by libs discussing if "hooking up Helen Thomas' jowls to a car battery" is considered in line with all other right-wing humor that seems to only involve "murder or mayhem done to liberals".

Chill out. This is a piece of satire, a "joke" for those of you in Alabama. People on both sides need to stop taking themselves so seriously and lighten up. Jack Bauer is not a Republican, Jack Bauer is not a Democrat. Jack Bauer happens to be a fictional character whose whole premise is that he can operate around restraints such as "laws", "gay sex", and "politics". Jack Bauer would be a kick ass Press Secretary...admit it, or else!

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

NEW YORK -- The Transport Workers Union ratified their contract by 71 percent.Leaders of the TWU Local 100 made the announcement outside their headquarters Tuesday afternoon.

So the Union voted to approve a contract that they rejected in the first place after they went on strike? But...this vote does not matter because the issue has already been sent into binding arbitration with a state labor board in March. In the meantime, Toussaint has been sentenced to jail time and the Union has been bankrupted.

Union Thug Leader Roger Toussaint faces 10 days in "federal pound you in the..." prison for leading an illegal strike that failed to extort more money out of the TWU, bankrupted his union, and cost the city millions of dollars. Outside the union rolls, his popularity ranks up there with Typhoid Mary and The Knicks. It appears his popularity inside the union rolls is not to great either.

With jail time looming for Toussaint, Al Sharpton smelled a photo-op and swooped in to show his support for Toussaint by holding a rally.

Toussaint told about 125 fervent supporters he was less concerned about his punishment than what still might be in store for the TWU.

Because it's a Newsday article, you have to scroll down to the very last paragraph for the kicker...

At least 40 people lined up to sign a sheet of paper signaling their intent to attend at least one of those demonstrations.

So 32% of his 125 fervent supporters decided to sign a piece of paper stating they might attend at least one rally in support of Toussaint? What happened to the other 85 "fervent" supporters? That's some rally.

Athletes call it "being in the zone". When they reach peak performance and put together an amazing performance as if it were nothing. Think Kobe and his 81 point game, Wilt Chamberlain and his 20,000 women, David Wells pitching a perfect game while drunk.

Then there is Jack Bauer. Yes, he (Bauer) has gone hours without killing people (usually when TylerD liveblogs), yet in the past three hours he has personally added 12 people to The Jack Bauer Kill Counter and he's just getting started.

The black helicopter came back for a second helping of Bauer and 6 bodies were added to the counter (5 placed there by Jack) last night.

Monday, April 17, 2006

The Rev. Al Sharpton and I don't agree on much, but I finally found something we do agree on. Al thinks that Transit union chief Roger Toussaint is not the only one who should go to jail for their little 3-day illegal strike in December of 2005.

Al suggests that Toussaint's supporters all head to jail with him. That sounds like a great idea to me.

In other strike blogging news; the union finds out today if they will still have to pay a $3,000,000 fine for breaking the law. A judge could also strip the union's ability to take dues directly from member's paychecks. Toussaint said that only 12% would pay dues it this measure was passed.

Update: Judge Theodore Jones fined the the TWU $2,500,000 and suspended the Union's ability to automatically deduct member's dues for 90 days. Jones also fined Local 726 $125,000 and Local 1050 $187,000 for their part in the illegal strike. Thank you Judge Jones.

Thank you Judge Jones, for showing these punks that real action will be taken against them if they break the law. Let that send a sound message to all the unions who break the law as an act of greed.

Here's just another example of why I don't donate money to the GOP anymore. I donated $50 in 2004 and they will not stop filling my mailbox with junk mail. I don't want to sign any more petitions. I don't want a GOP membership card.

I would also like the party to do a little more than make a lame flash game.

The flash game below has a family of four who makes $40,000 a year. This makes me sick because this dude and his wife net $40k and can afford to send their ugly daughter to college and still own a nice house and a car. Try that in New York buddy.

A couple of daring gas bandits took aim at a new gas station outside Herculaneum, Missouri. These would be crooks really need to work on their skills after a robbery attempt led to the dumbest gas station performance since the freak gasoline fight accident a few years back.Dumb: Going to a gas station, filling up, and then walking inside to inform the clerk you will not be paying for the gas.Dumber: Waiting until at the pump to try and cover the license plate. Smile for the cameras.Dumbest: Going back in and stealing a 30-pack of beer.

When the accomplice grabbed the beer and jumped into the truck - the driver took off; however the accomplice fell out of the speeding truck. Beer and dumbass were seen bouncing out of the truck (and was also caught on video). The two were arrested and charged with misdemeanor stealing. Here is the kicker: they have also been charged with possession of alcohol by a minor since they are only 18 and 20 years old. If I were their lawyer, I'd tell the judge that they were not in possession of the alcohol for very long, gravity took care of that.

Friday, April 14, 2006

Top Entries10. Ahkmed and Muhammed perform the time-honored Arabic, "Up Yours, U.S." dance.This is also known as the, "Please kill us now, because we're dangerous psychopaths" dance.Six of one, half dozen of the other.... - Jimmyb9. Habib: Thanks for taking me to the carnival.Akbar: Hey, lets share this cotton candy shaped like a dove. It's a perfect symbol of our love to each other.Habib: Mmmmm. - Sssteve8. Islamic Guinness commercial. "Brilliant!" - Wyatt Earp7. Habib & Akbar together: Wonder twin powers, ACTIVATE! - fmragtops6. From the Allah Akbar theatre in beautiful downtown Tehran comes the musical sensation that's sweeping the Middle East!BOMB ME BABY! ONE MORE TIME!Featuring this blockbuster hit:(To the tune of Age of Aquarius from "Hair")This is the dawning of the Age of Uranium!Age of Uranium!Uuuu-ray-nee-yum!Book your tickets now because next week the entire cast is getting beheaded! - Vox Poplar5. Akmed: "What kind of bird did you use as the nuclear device delivery system?"Abdul: "Just as the secret US documents indicated, a homing pigeon."Akmed: "Oh oh!" - Rodney Dill4. Iran is busy getting THE BOMB but the "dove" delivery system is so Third World. - Maggie3. It's all fun and games until the doves start pooping Pu238 - lawhawk2. The Iranian Star Wars convention gets off to a rocky start when Ackbar and Omar accidentally replace their lightsabers with enriched uranium. - Mac1.-Cowboy Blob

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Trying to sell your home? Looking to increase the ammount of money someone will pay for it? Have you tried converting a closet into a meth lab?

Four Akron men are accused of running a meth lab in a home that is for sale, police reported.Officers, as well as the realtor, went through the house to check for damages and found a meth lab in the bedroom closet, along with drug paraphernalia and instruments.

Don't mind the man living in a "human aquarium'' outside New York's Lincoln Center. David Blaine will live underwater for seven days and nights. He will hold his breath in an attempt to break the record of 8 minutes, 58 seconds.

Blaine starts his stunt on May 1st and plans on ending it during an ABC special on May 8th.

He will be fed with a tube and the water will keep his temperature at 98.6 degrees. I just want to know how he is going to pee and poop. Maybe I will stroll over to Lincoln Center and ask him myself.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

The newly elected Speaker of the House, Republican Zack Howitt is causing trouble. Howitt had a heated debate with Republican Party Chairman, Ben Kochman on the issue of the election.Kochman thinks the only reason Howitt won came down to fliers. Howitt says that his party chairman thinks he's just too radical and that he (Kochman) is only out for power. When asked about why he thinks he was elected, Republican Zack Howitt stated "I am God".

Ben showed off his leadership skills by telling Howitt: "Shut up and just listen to me, this is your first year; you don't know what you're doing".

By the way, I should note that these events took place at the New Jersey 2006 Model Congress. Both combatants are 18 years old.

As the Republicans held their peeing contest, the Democrats took up the idea of a female president (aka Hillary) with equally amusing vigor.

Kris Jurgowski will have problems finding a date to the prom after he offered this sexist nugget: "Women presidents are good for a time of peace. But now that we're in war, there is too much going on for them to handle."

A good, but slightly gross rebuttal came from Katrina Amauro, who stated: "You have to listen to them (women) and understand where they are coming from and if they have mood swings you can't blame it on PMS because men have mood swings as well, but they do not bleed."

It is good to see that the evil neo-con controlled company, Halliburton is now involved in Nigerian email scams. You know, I detect the stench of Karl Rove and George Bush in this email. I guess they are trying to find illegal ways to fund their expensive Wal-mart and stealing elections habits. What a shame.

Dear Sir /Madam,I am Mr.Kamp Naseem, Corporate Finance Manager of Post Bank, Driemond branch and I am forty-five years old.I stumbled on this discovery . On June 6, 2000 an American Oil consultant/contractor with the Harliburton oil company office here in Amsterdam, Mr.Howard Lookman made a Deposit for twelve calendar months, valued at (Five Million United States Dollars) in my bank. Upon maturity, I sent a routine notification to his forwarding address but got no reply. Several periodic reminders were sent but to no avail and finally we discovered from his contract employers, (Harliburton) that Mr.Howard Lookman had died from an automobile accident on his wayback from a holiday trip

Want to see what happens when Jack Bauer gets involved with these scammers? Click Here to find out.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

In February, I nominated him for "dumbass of the week" for his introduction of a bill that would criminalize police officers who used deadly force. He has since apologized for that.

In March, I nominated him for "dumbass of the month" for introducing a bill for 14 straight years (1988, 1989, 1990, 1991, 1992, 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, and 2001) that would legalize using force against police officers trying to make an arrest. He has since apologized for that.

Now he's behind a bill that would allow politicians to question police officers in cases of alleged misconduct. The bill would also allow a special prosecutor to be assigned to cases of alleged police brutality instead of the case going to district attorneys.

Politicans questioning police officers? Does that mean his bill would allow State Senator Ada Smith to interrogate cops? I guess her questioning police officers sure beats biting or trying to run over them instead.I love New York.

I mentioned a few weeks ago that Evelyn’s daughter was a mole. Yes, even a 9-year old can be a mole in Jack Bauer's world. Think about it, she used her position as a daughter of the Hot Assistant to the First Lady in order to get Biff Henderson the information he needed. When that plan fell apart (thanks to Bacardi and Diet Cola), she led Henderson right to her mother. Evelyn then spilled her guts, giving up Jack Bauer's location. She's a mole if I ever saw one.

Monday, April 10, 2006

Breaking: Transport Workers Union President Roger Toussaint was sentenced to 10 days in jail and a $1,000 fine for ignoring a judge's order and calling a strike that crippled the city for three, cold days.

You know what? I hope they make him walk his ass to jail.

The TWU still faces $3,000,000 in fines. A TWU lawyer noted "The union is currently in a negative cash position".

Will someone please grab me a tissue, I may cry? The union went on strike in the middle of the Christmas shopping season, costing city merchants untold millions; you can mark me down as unsympathetic to the union's financial woes.

Flip spent the better part of the afternoon at a town hall with Carolyn Maloney and John Murtha (D-PA). I am not sure if Flip had won last week's episode of The Apprentice or if he is a glutton for punishment.

Tin-hat patrolQuestion from Townsperson: We're seeing more and more evidence that the towers were brought down by a controlled demolition.Maloney: We've had many hearings and we're working very hard to understand everything about the attack that we can.

WASHINGTON - Donald Trump thinks Sen. Chuck Schumer is a real prize.A visit with New York's senior senator will be the reward contestants get on Trump's "The Apprentice" for winning tonight's installment of the reality game show.(NY Daily News)

If you are one of those tens of people who still watch The Apprentice, I have one question for you. Have you ever heard of Jack Bauer? No wonder the ratings for this lame show just gets worse and worse, look at the prize for winning. Being fired by The Donald sounds more enjoyable than hanging with Chuckie.

Top 5 more appealing prizes than spending time with Charles Schumer (D-NY)5. Mayor of Newark for a day.4. A free week vacation at Rikers Island.3. Starting Forward for the New York Knicks.2. One free colonoscopy and endoscopy performed at the same time.

And the number 1 prize that would be better than spending time with Chuckie?1. Staffer for a day for State Senator Ada Smith (D-Uck)

Friday, April 07, 2006

Top Entries10. "Never forget ladies. Only two men are capable of "filling out" this speedo....Bush and Bauer." -rt9. Bush: If I put these on my head I become Capt. Spedoo Head! Fighter of Dirty Towel Heads!! - Sssteve8. Bush: Ladies, this is a presidential speech, not a Wayne Newton concert. Can you please refrain from throwing your panties on stage. It's just not appropriate. - fmragtops7. BUSH: I'd like to thank the Speedo people for this lovely gift wrap for the Presidential package. - Vox Poplar6. "I love this color...hides the skidmarks!" - Cowboy Blob5. "Mr. President, Mrs. Thomas would like her colostomy bag returned to her now, please." - Damian G4. The Duke Lacrosse team couldnt be here today, so on behalf of the swim team instead.... - my sister3. Beset with falling poll numbers, President Bush steal a page directly from the Clinton playbook. - Jimmyb2. Honest, if it don't fit, you must acquit - Rodney Dill1. Helen Thomas from off-stage: "Sorry, Mr. President. They were white when I put them on this morning." - Wyatt Earp(nastiest caption, ever)

Thursday, April 06, 2006

I think this is:1) A painting of the USS New York attacking New Jersey.2) The replacement for the aging Staten Island Ferries3) Mayor Bloomberg's new yacht4) Andrew Sullivan's favorite day in New York, Fleet Week.