Subscribe to this blog

Follow by Email

How dare you not forgive?

John Grisham, in On Sycamore Row, writes of the father of two brothers, Kyle and Bo, who have been
killed by a drunk driver. He visits the lawyer who represents the guilty man’s
wife.

The dad says, “Are
you a Christian, Jake?”

“I am. Sometimes
more of one than others, but I’m trying.”

“I thought so. In
the sixth chapter of the Gospel of Luke, Jesus teaches the importance of
forgiveness. He knows we’re human and our natural tendency is to seek revenge,
to strike back, to condemn those who hurt us, but this is wrong. We’re supposed
to forgive, always. So I’d like for you to tell Lettie and her family, and
especially her husband, that Evelyn and I forgive Simeon for what he did. We’ve
prayed about this. We’ve spent time with our minister. And we cannot allow
ourselves to live the rest of our days filled with hatred and ill will. We
forgive him, Jake. Can you tell them?”

Forgiveness is something that is very hard, but it is also an essential
part of the Christian life.

We are commanded to forgive.

Indeed this passage is quite blunt. It is saying, ‘We have been forgiven
so much. How dare we not forgive someone who is in our debt’.

Our problem is simple: we think that forgiveness is very hard.

Six questions to consider [groups or sit quietly and think these through]

I find it hard to forgive because …

I would find it easier to forgive if …

(eg. the other person says sorry, the other person
is punished, I never see them again)

Forgiveness is easier for some people because
…

One thing I cannot forgive is …

(eg. Dante reserves the deepest, coldest part of
hell for those people who have betrayed guests.)

Some things are easier to forgive like …

I can say I forgive you but … (eg. colleague who owed me £50. I said I forgave him, but continued to feel resentment)

One thing the bible teaches is that when we
forgive, we are not saying that what the other person did doesn’t matter. We
are leaving justice to God. cf Romans 12:20

The story Jesus tells in Matthew 18 seems to
imply that our problem is not that forgiveness is hard, but rather:

We do not believe
that we have been forgiven much.

Or we are
ungrateful for the forgiveness we have received

We think that we are basically nice people who do nice things

We think that we have earned the good things in life. It’s the current
mantra of secular spirituality: ‘Be nice to yourself. You deserve it’. Beware the person who thinks that they deserve good.

There are good reasons to forgive:

We don’t know the motives of others,

It helps society work,

It liberates us,

It makes us bigger people.

Unforgiveness can be so destructive: Dennis told of his dad who never spoke
with his brother. When he asked his dad, Why? The answer was, ‘I can’t
remember. I just know he hurt me so I don’t want to speak to him’.

But the main reason the bible commands us to forgive
others is because we have been forgiven.

Jesus tells another story of two people. He asks one of the religious
leaders. One person is forgiven £1 million; the other is forgiven £1000. Who, he says,
will love the master the more? The answer
came back: the one who was forgiven £1 million. He has more reason to be grateful to
his master. Yes, said Jesus, and the person who realises how much he or she has
been forgiven will love God and live forgiveness more.

Perhaps we do not realise how much we have been forgiven. In that case,
could I suggest that we forgive as an act of faith. I live by faith in the God
who has forgiven me.

Forgiveness is a
decision: I often repeat the story of the woman who,
when asked about something that someone had done to badly hurt her in the past, said ‘I’m
not sure what you are talking about. I distinctly remember forgetting that’.

Of course that decision to forgive will need to be
repeated

Forgiveness is an
action: Corrie Ten Boom preaching in Germany about
forgiveness. Her sister had died because of the brutal treatment she had
experienced from the guards in Ravensbruck camp. A man came up to her at the
end to shake her hands: ‘I was a guard in Ravensbruck. Thank you for preaching
about forgiveness’. And then he held out his hand for her to shake. She said
that her heart and her hand felt like lead. But she made the choice, to raise
her hand and to shake his hand. And as she did, she said, it was as if a bolt
of electricity passed between her and him.

So forgiveness is about a decision
that is then put into action: it is about choosing to shake hands, to write the
letter, to pick up the phone, to drop the case, to let go of the money.

I recall A who was involved in a
dispute over a will with her brother. He was trying to get about £200k from her
part of the bequest. She could have fought him, and would probably have won.
But she made a choice to let it go, and instructed her solicitors not to pursue
the money.

And sometimes we need to pray for the
opportunity to do good to the person who has hurt us.

The thing that worries me about this story
which Jesus tells is his last comment: ‘So also my heavenly Father will do to
every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart’.

So far I have been speaking about forgiveness
as obedience.

Jesus seems to require forgiveness as something that comes from
in here. Forgiveness
is a feeling.

May I suggest that if the feeling of
forgiveness is not yet there (and in most cases it won't be), we trust that as we give the situation and the
person to God, and to his justice, recognising how much we have been forgiven, and as we choose to forgive, in time we will begin to feel forgiveness. And that is OK.

So I finish where I began. If you are a
Christian. If you realise that you need the forgiveness and mercy of God – and
you have received that – how dare you, how dare I, not forgive those who have
hurt me?

Comments

Post a comment

Popular posts from this blog

An Advent carol service Leader The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light;Choir Those who lived in a land of deep darkness on them light has shoneChoir O nata lux de lumine – Tallis (O light, born of light)

Leader In this service, we join with brothers and sisters around the world, and light candles to mark the signs that God has given to his people as we journey through Advent. FIRST CANDLE: Abraham and Sarah, to whom the promise was first given. We light our first candle to recall the men and women of faith in the Old Testament, to whom the promise would be given. 4000 years before the birth of Christ, God told Abraham and Sarah that one of their descendants would destroy sin and death, rule the world and bless all nations.

(A person lights the First Candle)

Leader Let us prayAll God of Abraham and Sarah and all the Patriarchs of old, we thank you for the promise that you have given us. Help us, like A…

Acts 2:37-47 Peter, in Acts 2:40, urges the people who listen to him: ‘Save yourselves from this corrupt generation’ How could he say that? How can you call any generation corrupt? It is very simple. Peter is speaking to a generation which has crucified the Son of God. Some people here may be landlords. I don’t know whether you ever have any problems getting rent. If you do, God knows what it is like! Jesus tells a story about a vineyard. The owner gave it to some people. He said to them, ‘Look after it for me. Care for it, enjoy it. All I ask is that you remember that it belongs to me, that it is my gift to you, and give me what is mine when I send my messengers to you for the rent. The owner goes away. Some time later he sends a messenger. The tenants beat up the messenger and send him away with nothing. The owner sends another messenger. The tenants do the same thing to him. Finally the owner says, ‘I will send my own son. He will come with my full authority. They will respect him’. Bu…

Children are a gift from God. And as always with God’s gifts to us, they are completely and totally undeserved. And you have been given the astonishing gift of Benjamin, and the immense privilege and joy of loving him for God, and of bringing him up for God. And of course our greatest desire for our children is to see them grow, be happy, be secure, flourish and to be fulfilled, to bring blessing to others, to be part of the family of God and to love God. And in baptism you are placing Benjamin full square in the family of God. I know that those of us here differ in our views about infant baptism. The belief and the practice of the Church of England is in line with that of the historic church, but also – at the time of the Reformation – of Calvin and the other so-called ‘magisterial reformers’ (which is also the stance taken in the Westminster confession). They affirmed, on the basis of their covenantal theology (which sees baptism as a new covenant version of circumcision), of Mark 10:1…