Monday, February 11, 2013

There are millions of people in this world that would be a great choice to have a cup of coffee with. Brilliant minds that could give insights on whatever you'd want to know, athletes that you admire, musicians, world leaders, celebrities..etc. The list goes on and on but I think the person that I'd want to share this time with, this once in a lifetime opportunity would be my dad. Just to hear his laugh one more time since I don't remember it very clearly. I remember how he used tell me to grow my hair out, despite it being shoulder length, and leave it curly because "men like long, curly hair".

I probably wouldn't even give him his coffee until he had met his granddaughter, who is growing up without being able to experience the full force of his love and generosity, who will only be able to know him through the stories that she hears from us. It's a funny thing though, we have a picture of my mom and dad hanging in the dining area of our kitchen and M will laugh and point (and kiss if we bring the picture down) specifically at my dad every time we walk by it. It's this big, knowing grin; her face literally lights up. She's been doing this since she was about 6-8 months old without us ever specifically showing her the picture. Makes you wonder....

I'd want to know how he thinks I'm doing as a mom. I'd just want him to talk, about anything really, just to hear his voice again. It's funny the things you remember once someone leaves your life forever. Things like he took his coffee black. No frills, no fruity creamers; just a mug of black coffee with the occasional slice of toast. However, he would make 2 pieces of toast because the dog needed breakfast too. The way that when he was concentrating on something he'd stick his tongue out just a fraction - M does the same thing.

I'd want him to know how angry I was at him when he passed away. He should have done more to stay with us, that he knew what he had to do to ease the burden on his heart/body but chose not to. I'd want him to know I'm not anymore and that I have made peace with it, even if it is still too hard for me to visit his grave. I want to know if he's happy where he's at and if he watches over us, especially M. I'd want to know if Montana and Hunter (my parents dogs) are with him too. I'd wonder what he'd make of mom having a cat because she's always claimed she "wasn't a cat" person.

I'd want him to know just how much I miss him and if he misses me (and all of us - Mom, my brothers, nieces...etc) too.