To be a successful and valid woman you might think that you simply have to believe yourself to be three things: adult, human and female (whether or not you were assigned female at birth). But it appears this is not enough. To be a woman you have to age gracefully - though nobody is quite sure what this entails but it seems to be finding the balance between not ageing too visibly and stepping aside whilst acknowledging your career is over once you hit 35/40. You must also wear a different outfit everyday. You must also stoically remain silent when it comes to any bad behaviour from your husband (if you are heterosexual) - unless you can arrange a doe-eyed interview in which you appeal to your public, please see Princess Diana's Panorama interview for tips. You must toe this line or your dignity and womanhood will be brought into question and you will be told you are making a scene/lot of fuss about nothing. It often seems, reading the Daily Mail and other media, that to be a woman is to get what you're given.

Recently in Australia a male presenter, Karl Stefanovic, revealed that he had worn the same suit for a year on TV and not one member of the audience had noticed or complained. Inspired by the unsolicited fashion advice his women co-presenters received he'd wondered if anybody cared about his wardrobe: "I'm judged on my interviews, my appalling sense of humour - on how I do my job, basically...Whereas women are quite often judged on what they're wearing or how their hair is. Women, they wear the wrong colour and they get pulled up."

Stefanovic was rightly praised for his experiment and the suit has sold for$6,500 AUS which he has donated in full to an anti VAWG charity. So what have we learned from this little amusing stunt? Well considering Annabel Cole is in the Daily Mail complaining about 45 year old performer Jennifer Lopez's stage wardrobe. Under the headline Where's your dignity, ladies? Cole wishes Ms Lopez and other stars of a certain age would put it away. Apparently once you are a mother you should only perform in a poncho and mom jeans and you can forget any time wasted building up a specific image if it was in any way glittery or sexy.

Cole also feels disappointed in Cher, Madonna and Mariah Carey who go on stage in skimpy, sparkly STAGE outfits and feels they should take advice from her teenage daughters who take a more conservative attitude to women above a certain age's dress: "My daughters don't like me to wear skirts that they consider too short, or too clingy, and recoil if I dare to show any cleavage at all.

Actually, I think they are right. Looking sexy in your 40s is not about showing as much skin as possible; it's about dressing with style and sophistication."

Of course there's no harm in occasionally re-evaluating your wardrobe. This does not mean however 'what can I wear to make me invisible' but 'does this still make me feel great?' Teenage girls envy the confidence older women have, it's what makes them so uncomfortable, not because they look like 'mutton dressed as lamb.'

Only speak if you're about to critique another woman.

While there certainly is a discussion to be had around why many women performers feel a need to wear revealing clothing in order to sell records I don't think age has much to do with it. And perhaps the question should be asked of the consumer not the provider.

The thing is it would be peculiar if any of these women changed tack and started trying to dance and sing in a pussy-bow and orthopaedic shoes. You can't high kick in a pencil skirt and not many people can high kick at 15, let alone 45 so forgive Jennifer Lopez for choosing to wear a leotard which actually makes a lot of sense to her act.

It is yet another example of women reinforcing the idea that men only want to see young women. Or young ladies. Step aside, you're now irrelevant and aren't entitled to make a fuss or be yourself. To speak out is to let the side down apparently. To express a personality is to be peculiar. Only speak if you're about to critique another woman.

Valerie Trierweiler has released a memoir in which she describes her marriage to France's President FranÃ§ois Hollande. The memoir has been criticised for giving too much detail about Hollande's affair with actress Julie Gayet. In it she clarifies the rumour that she attempted suicide upon learning about the affair and having sleeping pills snatched from her by Hollande: "I just wanted to go to sleep. I didn't want to go through those moments, to see the photos, to face up to this new reality".

Quite why she should not discuss a pretty pivotal moment in her own life is confusing. As Trierweiler says herself: "These people want to say that the dignified woman is the woman who shuts up...Is that how we serve the cause of women? I don't think so. Is it OK to be mistreated by a man without saying anything? No."

We are wasting our time speaking up over finding certain women unattractive. Speak up about bad behaviour not bad dress.