PAUSE TO TAKE TIME

Pause to take time with a stranger or friend and be surprised by what it reveals.

A person I barely know wrote about how surprised he was that I stopped to chat with him while out walking. He said it revealed his dislike for the barriers of self-protection that he has built around his life. His self-realization made me think about my simple intuitive act of stopping to chat.

I wondered what drives the choices I make when I pause to take time with a stranger or friend.

Is it my natural curiosity about the stories of others? Is it my delight in knowing something about another person? Is it my life’s belief at work that we need one another?

Perhaps there is no single answer. I’m grateful to the many who took the time to comment on our unplanned conversation. It’s made me more mindful of paying attention to my intuition in pausing during the day to spend some time with a friend or stranger.

Call-to-Action:

Allow yourself to pause and take time with others

Be attentive to what it reveals to you

Notice how unplanned time with others inspires, motivates or enlivens life.

UNEXPECTED INVITATIONS

Life’s unexpected moments are an invitation to be generous.

I watched as two young children on a ferry boat responded to the choppy waves by throwing up. Those sitting around them held their breath as if to avoid the stench of the vomit. The parents scurried to clean up.

In that moment the man sitting behind them chose to move into action.

When I asked him why he had helped clean the vomit, he said, “It’s hard to be parents and deal with the unexpected. I know how to clean up after kids so I jumped into help just because I could.”

As I watched the parents express their gratitude to this stranger for his generous kindness their relief was palpable. The unexpected retching had been transformed by the way in which a stranger had responded to life’s surprises. What will you respond to today?

Call-to-Action:

Be aware of life around you and the invitations it extends

Be willing to be kind and generous in how you respond

Notice how your mindfulness about life’s surprises enlivens and connects you to others.

WHY DO YOU LOVE?

When you love yourself loving others is less complicated!

Decades loving others was driven in part by my need to know that I was worthy of love. Philosophically and spiritually I was drawn to work with the hungry and homeless and people with HIV. Then the day arrived when I realized, “I’m also doing this work to fill the big hole of not loving myself fully.”

I could have chosen to ignore this new insight but I knew my life and spirit was at stake.

As I worked with spiritual guides, a therapist and sundry workshops I began to let go of old messages that I wasn’t good enough. In setting those messages free a new space emerged to love myself with all of my quirks.

In this new ever-unfolding space I continue to love through what I do. But now I meet others in their own neediness loving myself as I am, for who I am. It is a love that begs to be shared freely without needing to be returned. How will such love surprise me today?

Call-to-Action:

Choose to love yourself today in spite of one thing that keeps you from doing so

Treat that love with care

Notice how loving yourself allows you to meet and love others in all of their wonder and complexity.

STOP RESCUING AND TRUST

Let go of rescuing and trust in the life that is yours.

Marta shared an epiphany with me. “I rescue my 40 year old daughter all the time. I make excuses for her. I buy into her stories of always being wronged.” Then she added, “The worst part of it is that I have believed this is normal.”

Marta had a choice to keep rescuing or to change her own behavior.

With the support of a trusted friend Marta began to stop buying into her daughter always being wronged. She stopped bailing her out. She said, “My friend’s role is to keep me accountable and to make sure that I’m choosing this out of love.”

What surprised Marta was that with each step she began to trust in her own life. She said, “It took several years for it to sink in to my daughter that only she could rescue her own life. I pray that someday soon she will start to trust in the life that is hers. I love her by trusting in the life that is mine. “

Call-to-Action:

Choose to love by not rescuing

Name something each day that makes you glad about the life that is yours

Notice how trusting in your life opens up a generous and open-hearted life with others.

YOUR POWERFUL MEMORIES

Pay attention to what your memories of deceased loved ones point you to.

Recently on my father’s birthday I was filled with memories of him. Although he died eight years ago these memories were all of him sitting drinking tea or beer with challenging people. The memories included those who made fun of his graciousness and engagement.

More than just pleasant remembrances I chose to receive them as a lesson illuminating my life.

As a kid I cringed at feeling the need to defend my dad’s gracefulness from those who thought he was too “nice.” I felt conflicted wondering if he was weak or clueless.

These birthday memories remind me that it dad’s inner strength allowed him to be graceful and gracious with even the most difficult people. He’d made a choice to not be like them but to engage them. It points me to the choices I have for living with grace. What will your memories of a loved one point you to?

Call-to-Action:

Be aware of memories pointing you to new learning’s

Celebrate the lives of those who you remember

Notice how what you learn from the memory of a deceased love one keeps them vibrantly alive in your heart.