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Wednesday, March 14, 2012

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The pain of raising children

They, they didn't have a garment, and they didn't have shoes for their feet, and I didn't pay tuition for them, for the school, and they threw them out from the class every month, so that they shouldn't come, until they bring money, yes. No bread, and no shoe, and no garment, and also they threw them out of class, nu, nu, you can fathom this pain? Such pain? And thank God I did not bow to the falsehood, yes. Thank God I was strong, I laughed from all of them, who can fathom the hurting? The pain and the hurting and the embarrassment? Of one who has small children and they don't have bread to eat? And they don't have clothes, and they don't have school. Nu, nu, who can fathom this pain? Yes. Like that! I didn't have (questioning) thoughts on this, on Liebermantz, on Levi Yitzchok, why does he hide his eyes from seeing? He should have seen, to make an effort to collect charity for me, to give. They knew that I... that I don't have anything, even bread for children, that I am alone in the world, in the midst of everyone, without anything. Because they didn't have the merit. Yes. And also, I needed to traverse such a way, to see what would become of me. Who can fathom? Now I recount and I laugh and I'm happy, but then, who can fathom my heart? The pain and the brokenness, the broken heart that I had? I have small children, no school, and no bread, and no clothing, and no shoes, nu, nu, who can understand this? What pain this is?! Yes. I was heroic, strong, and I didn't humble myself to the falsehood. Nothing. The chldren, until today they get embarrassed. When they hear the recounting of something like this they are embarrassed, and then? They were embarrassed one from the other, what type of father was he? What type of father do we have? They don't have bread to eat, and they don't have a garment, they don't have... and that's how I went to Shaarei Chesed (a neighborhood in Jerusalem) to speak about Rabbainu, with this one and with this one... yes. And no... if I would have said that I suffered poverty, nu, “in Jerusalem there are a lot of poor people. What is the novelty? You are not an only son? What do you have?” Oy! Who? What? Who can relate? Who can fathom such things? I could have became crazy, or a thief, or such a thing.... Is it possible to fathom in the mind such a thing? There is a child, and he doesn't have clothing, and he doesn't have bread, and no school. Oy, Master of the World knows the truth, that we.... that I, as much as I tell over to you? It still isn't.... it still isn't, what was, it still doesn't reach, as what it actually was, and they remember... and they remember this until today.