It seems that I am always fated to learn about my critical admissions decisions on the slowest possible Internet connection — the one on my cellphone.

There I sat on the bed of the humid motel room with my little phone in my hand on April 1 at 5 p.m. Eastern time. I was on vacation in Florida, and my laptop could not connect to the WiFi network.

Going into this day, I was extremely scared about the outcome. I had already received rejections from the University of Chicago and Grinnell. Earlier that morning, I learned that I was placed on the waiting list at Swarthmore. With three consecutive disappointments, I lost all my confidence and hope, and I anticipated running into red lights at the four Ivy League institutions to which I applied.

Even my mother felt this way, and she reminded me before I checked my admission letters that the University of Colorado-Denver, which had already accepted me, was still a great school.

Dartmouth was the first stop; it is my first-choice school. After 10 minutes of waiting for the browser to slowly load I was finally on the log-in page. Here goes nothing, I thought as I braced myself.

To my deepest surprise, the first words I saw were: “Congratulations. It is with great pleasure that I inform you of your admission to Dartmouth College as a member of the Class of 2015.”

I could not believe my eyes. I reread the first sentences before yelling, “I got in!” to my mother, who was sitting beside me with a worried complexion. Then came the minutes of joyous yelling and jumping and rereading the letter and yelling. I was so excited that I even forgot to check my financial aid offer, the next important detail.

Next stop was Brown, my second choice. Another 10 minutes was spent trying to get to my letter. Since I had gotten into my first choice, my feeling was that if the remainder were rejections, I wouldn’t have any complaints.

Brown’s letter started with “Congratulations,” too!

Incredulous, happy and red as a tomato, I opened Yale’s letter.

It was a rejection.

Then my last stop for the day: Princeton. Judging from the large picture of the proud orange tiger, I had gotten admitted.

Continuously squeaking, which is what I do when I am super excited, rolling on the bed, and hugging my mother, that half an hour was the second happiest moment of my life, next to obtaining my visa to America. The whole experience is unbelievable, and to this day, I reopen my letters just to confirm that they are correctly addressed to me, Uyanga Tamir, and that they still congratulate me.

After the celebration, I suddenly remembered financial aid. Princeton and Dartmouth gave me a nearly 100 percent scholarship. Brown’s aid is undetermined at the moment because of a form — the CSS Profile Noncustodial Parent Waiver Petition — which I neglected to fill out.

Though my mother is flying on the moon, I can already see the glint of sadness in her eyes as she will have to stay alone when I leave to college.

Like most Asian parents, though, she is obsessed with prestige. She knows that Princeton ranks higher than Dartmouth and Brown (at least as the U.S. News rankings see it), and she has already started pressuring me to choose Princeton.

However, I am resolved to ultimately make the final decision based on what I want, even if my mother and other people are not pleased with the outcome.

All three schools have upcoming preview programs that I plan to attend. Princeton and Dartmouth are paying for my transportation, which is very helpful. Over the next two weeks, I am traveling alone to three spectacular institutions to make a critical decision. It has me both excited and nervous. With three college visits, two weeks of missed school, and five AP exams approaching, April will be a busy month for me — one last major challenge of my high school years.

Congratulations Uyanga! As a Dartmouth graduate (of your mother’s generation) I am especially thrilled that you are likely to be attending my alma mater. Perhaps Jacques Steinberg and I can speak to your mother and reassure her that despite the slight difference in US News rankings and perceived prestige you will get an outstanding education at Dartmouth (#1 in undergraduate teaching according to US News as I am sure you know) and have no limits on your opportunities after graduation (also top median salary 10 years after graduation for those who care about such things). Wishing you all the best whatever you choose.
Blogger’s Note: Your faithful blogger, a 1988 graduate of Dartmouth, wishes to assure those reading this comment stream that he is staying out of Ms. Tamir’s college decision process. –Jacques Steinberg

Can someone explain how it’s possible to get into Brown, Princeton, and Dartmouth, and not get into Grinnell. Is it because Grinnell thought she was too good, and would decline their offer?

Big congratulations on your success! Tell your mother that US News and World Report’s college rankings are not a true reflection of what the “best” colleges are. Have her read about how ridiculous they are. Please, as you say you are, make your own decisions based on where you feel the happiest.

Dartmouth is absolutely worth giving full consideration. It’s smaller than any of the other Ivies, which often impacts the way that rankings turn out (many factors that go into rankings aren’t considered relative to the size of a school), but offers the most complete undergraduate experience in the country.

Tell mom to back off — I am a mom, trust me — you know so much more than your mother does about these schools, and whether they will meet your needs. In particular, I urge you to look at which of the schools you have been admitted to is stronger in your proposed area of study — it’s strange to think that an Ivy League might not actually be the best school but it’s true that no school is best in everything, and since you are comparing two and maybe three Ivies depending on how generous Brown ends up being, surely, the one that has the strongest program where you would spend a disproportionate amount of your time and energy is the most important consideration.

You also need to consider how well you will fit in to these places, and all of them can be socially intimidating. For someone who isn’t a multi-generational legacy or the offspring of a wealthy or well-connected family, finding your home academically is also probably the key to finding your home socially.

(And geographically, from my own perspective, Providence, RI is a really nice location — small town a stone’s throw away from large city resources — Dartmouth is very pretty, but geographically isolated, and Princeton — well, it’s basically in between the other two in terms of ambiance and accessability.)

Congratulations! I hope that, after visiting those three great schools, you’ll have a really good idea of which is the best fit for you. It may end up being a difficult choice, but you really can’t go wrong!

Congrats!!! I must say your choices are super. Any “difference” between Princeton and Dartmouth is negligible, and should be outweighed by your own feelings as you reevaluate them at this point–you are more mature now and better able to assess. GOOD LUCK, what a wonderful outcome you have had.

I believe there is no difference in the prestige of Princeton, Brown or Dartmouth – these are schools that only have equals, not superiors. Your task at this point should be selecting the institution at which you feel most comfortable and happy. That will do the most to ensure your success in college.

Congratulations! Your experience, however, probably highlights why students apply to so many schools: how the heck can anyone predict where one can might get in?

Grinnell may very well have rejected either due to a lack of perceived fit or yes, a sense that the student was just using it as a backup. But, I know a student who turned down an Ivy to attend Grinnell, and others who have turned down “higher ranked” colleges to go there as well. So, Grinnell doesn’t just willy-nilly turn down the highest stats applicants. It also offers excellent financial aid, so it knows it has a good chance of “sealing the deal” with the highest caliber students.

To poster #2 –
As someone who long ago worked in the Grinnell admissions office (as well as others), I feel it’s important to remind you -and everyone- that each college/university has its own set of strategic priorities and needs. Sometimes, those needs change from year to year. While it’s not often as simple as the cliched “we need an oboist this year but a violist next,” the priorities of the Board can shift, sometimes fairly dramatically. I have no idea what the strategic priorities are for Grinnell or Dartmouth or Princeton or Brown are this year; none of us do. In fact, the Grinnell folks know theirs, but they don’t know the priorities for D, P, or B. I do know that Grinnell does place an emphasis on “promise of contribution”; in fact, when I worked in the office, if accounted for a full 25% of the admissions decision. As a result, a top academic student with soaring board scores could reasonably expect to denied if he or she was woefully unprepared to contribute to the non-academic community. I can’t speak to Uyanga’s application, how she compared to the rest of their pool, or how their pool compared to that at the other schools. Again, none of us can.

That said, it does seem important to point out one very crucial fact – Uyanga, while educated in the US, entered the applicant pool as an international student who is seeking financial aid. That makes her significantly different than the majority of her peers. Grinnell is a fabulous institution with fabulous wealth. And they have the great fortune to be able to both admit students through a need-blind admissions process AND fully meet their demonstrated financial need, all while keeping loans to a minimum of $2,000 a year. However, they are able to do this only for domestic students. And while they are able to offer considerable financial aid to international students, they cannot make the same promises to them as they do their domestic applicants. In fact, they read international students trough a need-aware model. That’s true even if the student is educated in the US.

Again, none of us know the specifics of Uyanga’s application nor the applicant pools of any of the schools to which she applied. We don’t know why she was or wasn’t admitted to her schools of choice. We know that the schools each have different priorities and needs, as well as different resources and applicant pools from which to draw their classes. We know, also, that each of these schools is selective enough that every year they deny many students who are well-qualified, good fits, and perfectly lovely people. Having been in the decision-maker’s hot seat for many years, I can say three things: 1) it is not an easy task (and often a thankless one) to select a college’s class, 2) I trust that those who are in the position to do so now are doing the best they are able to follow the directives provided them by their Board, all while serving students as best they can, and 3) Uyanga and her peers have many fantastic options, despite not having been admitted to some of their choices.

Though I’ve never been to Hanover, NH, I live near Princeton and I know that the surrounding area has a large Asian population (though I’m not sure about Mongolia specifically). If that’s something important to you (being able to go out and find food that’s similar to what your mom would make or finding a place of worship akin to what you might be used to) you could factor that into your decision. If not, the caliber of the two schools is pretty equal so you should feel free to go with your instinct after visiting.

An illuminating post, #10 (I am poster #2). I appreciate your taking your time to respond. I am especially intrigued that you said a whopping 25% of Grinnell’s admission decision is based on projected contribution to the school. I expect more schools feel this way (though which ones? it’s not apparent). I will be sharing this information with my daughter.

Why are you disregarding Pomona? It is (in my opinion) the best liberal arts school in the country for thousands of reasons. Don’t choose to fall into the Ivy-centric mentality perpetuated by movies and rankings lists. Pomona is a beautiful, small school that offers a phenomenal location in one of the best environments for learning you could find. While a school of 1,500 is not for everyone, as a current student who was wary of attending such a small institution I can assuredly tell you that coming to Pomona as opposed to a big name Ivy was the best decision I have made to date.

Thank you so much for letting us share in your joy. I thoroughly enjoyed reading your essay today and I felt that for a few minutes, I got to experience the wonderful excitement you must have felt. Living vicariously, if you will.

Congratulations! As an Asian-American Dartmouth alum who had a similar choice of schools, I am cheering for my alma mater to win you over. My parents had similar reservations when I made my choice, but I couldn’t be more grateful for the experience I had at Dartmouth and would happily make the same choice again. Because I was in an environment that was ideal for me, I flourished, and even my parents eventually conceded that I had made a good decision.

Apart from my bias, the truth is that no matter where you go, you will get a fantastic education with plenty of prestige to boot. Now you get to focus on where you’ll be happiest, and no one can know that better than you. Have a great time visiting your potential schools!

CONGRATULATIONS, Uyanga!!! I’ve been anxiously awaiting your blog posts along with my daughter, a high school junior who will be going through the same process as you next year. Thanks for sharing, and all the best to you in making your decision…you have fantastic options and will surely make a great choice.

it’s all about fit ..that is how do you feel about how you would fit the college’s community…don’t worry about don’t think about prestige..think about how you feel and how you think you will feel about the school over the nxt four years

Congratulations on your acceptances! Even though I know there are many people giving you advice, the truth is that you are the best person to make this decision for yourself. That said, since you have already told us that Dartmouth is your #1 choice, I have to tell you: I am a very happy Dartmouth alum who recommends the school highly. And even though it’s been a while since I was in college, my older son graduated from Dartmouth three years ago and my younger son is a senior there now. The three of us are very different, but we all had wonderful experiences in Hanover. Good luck wherever you end up!

You cannot compare an Ivy league school to Grinnell or Pomona. People try to subside the difference and make themselves good about themselves by telling them how great Grinnell or Pomona is – the reality on the ground is an Ivy school shoots Pomona or Grinnell out of the water. They are on different SCALES and to even try to compare them would be sacrilegious to say the least. I know the truth hurts but c’est la vie

I smile at the comment about Dartmouth being “geographically isolated”. A Harvard grad once asked me if I felt isolated at Dartmouth, and my reply was “isolated from what?…. street crime? endless suburbia, air pollution? At Harvard, didn’t you feel isolated from the mountains? from skiing? from a tight-knit community where you know your (full) professors by name and hang out with them at barbecues, etc?”

Bottom line – it all depends on what you are looking for. Check out the important differences…. you have some great schools to choose from.

By the way, I lived in New Haven, and found that 33 degrees and rainy can be colder than 10 degrees and sunny.

To #10. What exactly does “Promise of contribution” and “unprepared to contribute to the non-academic community” actually mean? It just sounds like jargon to me. If someone is academically talented and well-rounded, shouldn’t that be enough?

For those who have not read Uyanga’s earlier posts, she expressed an interest in engineering’biomedical engineering (not a rigid one, but an interest nonetheless). Grinnell does not offer a program in this subject. Thus, assuming her application expressed a similar interest, it’s unlikely they would have seen her as a good fit for their school. (And if she didn’t have it in the application, they surely would have seen in the the NYTimes post and wondered why the difference.)

The more interesting question, to me, is why Pomona? (which also doesn’t have engineering)

With all due respect, Ms. Tamir personifies everything that is wrong with college admissions at the current time. She applied to thirteen schools; she is a poster child for the application inflation that has become legendary. Princeton and Dartmouth are paying for her to attend accepted students day! How did she even pay for thirteen college applications? Meanwhile, many students graduate these schools and others saddled with debt. In addiition, I believe it is a laudable goal of colleges to recruit underrepresented minorities in a way that attempts to equalize past injustices and enrich colleges with diversity.
This is quite different from enrolling ever larger numbers of foreign students. I don’t know anything about Ms. Tamir’s socioeconomic background. Generally, foreign students who attend elite American colleges are from a small, wealthy and highly educated elite. Even if that is not her background, there are thousands of American students competing for places in American, tax-exempt, universities.
Ms, Tamir’s heart-stopping story if surprise and sucess has a background not explored here.
Emily