When you try your best, but someone else doesn’t use this as a chance

About two weeks ago we arrived back from a lovely vacation on Sardinia. I really used the time again to recharge my batteries, stay away from devices (I only opened my laptop once) and just enjoy the time with family and not having to do anything. It was wonderful. Not only the time away, but also Sardinia is a lovely place on earth.

But like it is, when you have time, you also have time to think about certain things. Right on the day when we left for Sardinia I found a letter from the court of justice in my post box. I thought ”Oh dear. What have I done now?” not expecting what was coming. It was the estate proceedings for the death of my father.

After reading it and being on the way to the airport, I directly had to think of what I had written earlier last year, with a post titled Use the chance you have. Those of you, who read it, might remember that I used the death of both of my brothers as a chance to get in touch with my dad, who left the family a long time ago, to have the chance to connect again. Not only for me or him, but especially for my three kids, as I though they might be curious about their grandfather they never have met so far – and for my father, as I thought, he might be curious as well. Of what happened to me during the last twentysomething years and to meet his grandchildren. And my lovely wife.

The reaction back then, when I tried it the first time in 2013 was not what I wished to get, but I somehow was expecting something like this. Also not to be disappointed by a no. I remember that this E-Mail arrived, when I was running the first border:none event together with Joschi and right before we were about to kick of the event.

I was even more happy, that I did not give up and tried it another time, after my second brother died. After asking my father, if it would help to meet at another place and not where he lives, he agreed to maybe meet one day. Not a strong yes, but there was a possibility for us to meet again. Even if it was small. And this, because I tried to use my chance and not gave up.

When I got notice of the death of my father now, suddenly I realised, that this chance we had was not used. I certainly can’t say, I did not try, but maybe I could have tried harder? A different way? Did he mean it, when he said, that we can meet? Should I have acted directly to use this chance then? No idea. I used a small chance that then wasn’t used by my father. Now he’s gone, we won’t get another chance and my kids never will see and meet my dad, their other grandfather. I will never get any questions to my answers anymore, but a certain feeling in me tells me to write his wife and speak to her about my father. It is curiosity that drives me. Not that I think I will get any answers anymore.

Why am I telling this to you? I mean, yes, I still think, you should use the options and possibilities you have, like I have written earlier, but surely sometimes you will be disappointed about what you find out or what happens afterwards. This, though, should never stop you from trying to use these chances.