I bet you all have been thinking, 'wow. Megan hasn't talked about her feelings in awhile'. Where's the crying in bars? Where's the meowing? I mean...could she possibly be turning into a well adjusted adult? Nope.

I am having all of the feelings.

I figure, what's better than 'writing it out'?!

I hesitate to write about work in this lovely space. Which may seem incredibly stupid considering it's all I actually seem to write about. In all honesty though, I keep lots of important details to myself...like what ship I'm actually on...who my employment agency is...etc. This is going to be an incredibly vague post, and for that I apologize greatly.

When my ship was reflagged I struggled to find a new ship...you guys know this part. I looked high and low...and some may argue that I could have looked lower but, really?! Who wants to look lower?!

What I discovered when I was ship-less was that I had no seniority. I had been working for a company for years - they had no ship for me. I had been in the same group of people looking for work since I graduated (ahem, nine years ago). They too had no ship for me.

I felt like I was on a fast track. I had been moving up right on schedule throughout my career. I really and truly thought there'd be a captains job for me in the next 1.5 years.

Instead of looking lower and instead of borrowing money I made a drastic change. I moved somewhere I felt I could build seniority.

When I lost my ship - and realized I had no seniority - it was almost sad to get my Captains license.

I shipped out as Second Mate. I'm happy to be here and lucky for me I've always enjoyed this position. I enjoy being the navigator. Not having to listen to bitching sailors and overtime disputes first thing in the morning as Chief Mate...I don't miss that.

Except. You knew there was a but.

I feel like I'm going backwards. It feels like everything I busted ass for just flew out the door. It's gone. I'm back to square one.