As many of you know, I stumbled this year. I tripped over my expectations of what I should feel and should be doing. I fell on my face and got caught in a spiral of self-doubt.

Luckily, I’ve had enough practice at self-care to jump in quickly and take care of me. This spell took me for a three-day grief ride so I decided to call on the big guns. I’ve been on anti-anxiety meds for over a month now and it has made an immense difference in the quality of life.

I have never felt this OK. Even though I couldn’t hear the exact words, there was always a background noise of judgment and fear playing. I now don’t feel at a deficit daily. I am able to feel accomplished when I complete tasks. These footholds are helping me rebuild my platform again on which I can stand with my thoughts and my words.

After my spell, I generally had just let go of everything I was looking at to do. I just couldn’t carry the burdens of expectations that I may never be able to fill or that may have been created by the me that did the things that I “should” do instead of being excited for the things I “could” do.

Today I fell upon my life’s Intention I crafted last year and I am reminded again that we are not alone. We are in fact meant to be here for one another in supporting witnessing roles. To remind one another of our humanity.

This is what I wrote for my intention. “I am connecting with and positively seeing my wiser self as I engage in conversations with like-minded people, telling and listening to our stories and lending permission for others to tell theirs.”

I’ve been thinking that this year, 2019, is the year to reach out and seek out more like-minded souls so that we both and all may feel connected on a more compassionate level. To focus on what we share and celebrate our oneness.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

I suffered a pretty major stumble recently. An anxiety episode had me spiral out in my head to a place of grief and shame. And I allowed the decision to ask for medicinal help from my doctor to become very public. I did this because I knew that if my transparency and vulnerability could help someone else, I’d be paying forward the same from those who had shown me the permission too. Paying it forward is a beautiful part of my wonderful life.

The response from my online community was overwhelming. People showed up to offer their well wishes and their own coping mechanisms. They showed up to offer an ear if I needed one. And I watched as it made some people squirm rather hard at the thought that happy go lucky Shalagh wasn’t as put together as she seemed.

My wobbles didn’t embarrass me but showed me I’m just another human being trying to get through her days in a better way. And what I was gifted was to see how I have many angels in the form of people looking out for me. I may not have taken up many offers to talk but that doesn’t mean it didn’t mean the world to me that they were willing to be there for me. My life has so much more value than I often can see. It takes seeing me through the eyes of others to really drive the idea to my door. The final scene in It’s Wonderful Life became mine.

Privately, I have heard from people who say thank you for my honesty, for putting into words how things feel. Because it gives them permission to acknowledge and take care of themselves when I own my humanity. And that kind of paying it forward is free and freeing.

May you are be well and feel calm in the winter days to come. I know you are there and I hope you know I am here for you too.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

Christmas gives me such clarity. Doing all the necessary Christmas tasks and I feel plugged in and purposed. It gives me a legitimate excuse to not dwell on all the career procrastination I’m doing. I just want to decorate and cook and entertain.

I notice though, that even in my holiday frenzy and event planning, I hit walls. I lost energy and inspiration while decorating the house the other day. And I wanted to feel bummed until I remembered that this has happened before.

We have only so much energy and inspiration to spend in one day. So it is wise to remember you can have permission to stop. You re allowed to be uninspired and return at a later time with renewed inspiration and sense of excitement. I give you permission if you can not give it to yourself.

I came back with an idea to use the old brick paper behind my bar and it looks great. And although the tree wasn’t inspired, it’s up and decorated and sometimes, good enough has to be good enough. I have a little more time to poke at the decorations before we swing into full Nutcracker rehearsals and cooking cooking cooking. Women bear such a responsibility for the happiness of our families especially at the holidays. I hope we all find pockets of blessed moments within the madness.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

If you were told you’d been volunteered as an event planner and decorator for a royal ball, you’d laugh your butt off right? But regular people across the globe will do their best to plan and execute a special event all on their own this month mostly without professional help. And I’m darn proud of all of them for their upcoming efforts.

We pull it off, you and me, every year. That once a year special event for which we have to send out a hundred invitations, cater quantities of food, and decorate huge floral centerpieces for. We spend lots of time and/or money to gift everyone we know with the right present as if they’re all having a birthday at the same time.

Yes I mean Christmas.

It’s truly a miracle we all don’t lose our minds feeling overwhelmed and incompetent. But then the end comes and you sigh with relief that it’s over and think perhaps there’s a better way to execute it next year. Until the next year comes and you have the same game plan as always.

At my house, I make it all look so easy to accomplish. Deep down I do love it. But I also would love if anyone could do the majority of it so I could just make the wrapped presents pretty and decorate the house for multiple uninterrupted hours. The cleaning and card sending and even the cooking I could farm right out. Alas, last year, I accomplished the musts but fell short of the wannas. Holiday expectational debts I would soon forget.

But last year, the kids were treated to a Christmas just as they should with sweets for breakfast and Santa gifts and stockings brimming with stuff. They played with their stuff, bickered about sharing each other’s stuff, and played at a couple playgrounds. Oh and watched multiple movies. And then attended one more holiday get together to be showered more gifts from family.

Hoping you make sure to get your needs met during the siege of the holiday event season. That your gratitude for being surrounded with the ones you love surpasses the anxiety of cookie baking and clean toilets. I eventually always find relief and rest after the chaos finally, basking in the afterglow of a job well-done and look forward to having the brain room to get back to regular creativity.

Let the planning begin.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

I woke up this morning doubting my ability to accurately decide if I was living a good life. “Is my life a problem or a pleasure”, I asked myself. I questioned my decision on this day being a good one or a bad one because I truly hadn’t lived any of it yet. Yet, how often do my thoughts on my life then immediately lead to feelings about my life, good or bad?

What we focus on, be it the things that we need to “fix” or the things that we’re grateful for, determines our feelings about our lives. How we feel about our life is all we have to decide if we like living them or not. Having the “trappings” of a good life, like wealth or social status, does not guarantee that inside, people still don’t feel good about their lives.

But is I decide that I am living a charmed life, which I surely am, and that I have it pretty good today, then I am able to smile and appreciate my day more and be grateful for the pleasure of living this lie. How many times do you see other people grumbling and ungrateful and you think, “Don’ t they know how lucky they are?” That’s all of us. Each of us able to enjoy and be grateful for our gifts every day, not just at Christmas. A half full day awaits you.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

My name is Shalagh Hogan, pronounced Shay-La. I'm the mother of a teen, a six year-old, and I turned 52 this year. This blog was born in 2011 and my hope and joy as a writer, an artist, and an uber-creative, is that by sharing my journey of self-discovery, others will gain inspiration and permission for their own journeys.

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