Comments on: Understanding Survivor Guilthttps://whatsyourgrief.com/understanding-survivor-guilt/
Grief support for the rest of usMon, 16 Oct 2017 19:59:27 +0000hourly1https://wordpress.org/?v=4.8.2By: Anettehttps://whatsyourgrief.com/understanding-survivor-guilt/#comment-19132
Mon, 16 Oct 2017 18:04:57 +0000http://www.whatsyourgrief.com/?p=12142#comment-19132My best friend committed suicide two years, two months and six days today. I miss her everyday and I wish I had been there to save her. I had spoken to her that night and she had promised not to do anything rash until we saw each other the next day. I kept calling when morning came to no avail. Only to be the one to name her as the only one missing when everyone was still guessing. I was there for everyone who cried in regret and listened to thier what ifs. Her suicide affected me greatly as dealing with survivors guilt has changed me not just socially but in every perspective of the person I am and who I will be. I still see her in the little things, I see her dancing in the rain or picking up a bird feather. I hear her voice in the wind and see her swimming amongst the waves. I can not help but feel like she deserved to live and I did not as we were facing the same problems in life. I could have easily been her. I have listened too so many people tell me I could not have saved her when I know in my heart that I could have talked her off the ledge.
]]>By: Laurel Hansenhttps://whatsyourgrief.com/understanding-survivor-guilt/#comment-18987
Thu, 12 Oct 2017 14:38:06 +0000http://www.whatsyourgrief.com/?p=12142#comment-18987For eight years I have been a 24/7 caregiver for my husband who has Lewy Body Dementia. His doctor told me that my husband is in the end stages of dementia because he needs help with every aspect of daily living…bathing, dressing, eating, teeth brushing, shaving, hair combing, etc. I recently placed him in a care center which has been extremely hard for me. I keep thinking this is the wrong decision, because I know can take better care of him than the care center can. He is always asking to come home and the center has told me he worries about me and keeps wanting to call me..but they have tried to redirect and help him focus on other things to help him acclimate better. Because of the roller coaster ride type of dementia that Lewy’s is, my doctor has told me that I am in an endlessly looping grief cycle. She just told me at my last appointment that I am also suffering survivor’s guilt…because of my inability to let things be, to accept that my husband is slowing dying and it is not my fault. She said I need to start believing that putting him in a care center was best for my husband and for me. After reading your post…I now understand why she told me I am in survivor guilt mode. Now I need to learn how to navigate the in’s and out’s of this so that I can begin to heal.
]]>By: TChttps://whatsyourgrief.com/understanding-survivor-guilt/#comment-18813
Sat, 07 Oct 2017 02:26:44 +0000http://www.whatsyourgrief.com/?p=12142#comment-18813April, I am going through all of the same thoughts. My best friends birthday was Friday and her dad lives in Henderson. We had plans with them Friday and Saturday. Sunday was open and we knew that the festival was going as it was 2 years ago when we were down there and listened to it from the strip. I skimmed the artist list for Sunday, but she didn’t want to leave the house, pool and hot tub. I have to reiterate the skim part of the story. I didn’t notice that Big and Rich were on the list. We’re big fans! Had I noticed that they were playing.. Well… we would have been in the festival. I was up at 4 am watching the news, crying. At 5 am our phones started to ring, first was her mom, next was mine… then they wouldn’t quit ringing with people back home knowing that we should have been there. I Facebook posted that we were ok. Now that I am home I am going through so many emotions. I had a doctor appointment already scheduled for today, and my doctor asked me if I went to the concert and I explained the story and how I feel now. He was the one that said that its survivors guilt. I just hung up on my dads wife because she told me that I have no reason to feel like this! I am going through the should’ve, would’ve, could’ve thoughts. I am wanting to know why it all happened to everyone who was hurt and gone…. Why did my circumstances turn right for me and my best friend but not for the other people….. I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone!
]]>By: Aprilhttps://whatsyourgrief.com/understanding-survivor-guilt/#comment-18787
Thu, 05 Oct 2017 20:57:36 +0000http://www.whatsyourgrief.com/?p=12142#comment-18787Thank you Anthony! Tha was a great idea and will be so helpful to so many of us.
]]>By: Anthony Borquezhttps://whatsyourgrief.com/understanding-survivor-guilt/#comment-18775
Thu, 05 Oct 2017 14:40:24 +0000http://www.whatsyourgrief.com/?p=12142#comment-18775My Wife and I survived the Route 91 Shooting, we have put together a support page on Facebook for anyone struggling to cope. Talking about it and helping other will get us through it.
]]>By: Anthony Borquezhttps://whatsyourgrief.com/understanding-survivor-guilt/#comment-18774
Thu, 05 Oct 2017 14:37:39 +0000http://www.whatsyourgrief.com/?p=12142#comment-18774My Wife and I survived the Route 91 Shooting, we have put together a support page on Facebook for anyone struggling to cope. Talking about it and helping other will get us through it.

]]>By: Pedro Elizaldehttps://whatsyourgrief.com/understanding-survivor-guilt/#comment-18766
Thu, 05 Oct 2017 07:58:54 +0000http://www.whatsyourgrief.com/?p=12142#comment-18766hi April,
Hope this comment finds you in a better state of mind and moving forward. I was also there this weekend in the crowd by the stage when the unimaginable happened. I can’t erase the images from my head, and I’ve been dwelling on the same question as everyone else since “why?”
“why am I here, when so many others aren’t” seems to be on repeat in my mind.
I was advised to speak to my doctor and he was able to refer me to local counseling . You should give it a try, this has been one traumatic experience for all of us. Talking to a professional could help us get back to our normal routines

To you and everyone else who was affected by this tragic event, especially the families who lost someone they love. My deepest sympathies and condolences, I know there are no words that can take describe the pain and suffering your enduring over your loss. May the care and love of those around us provide comfort and peace to get us all through the days ahead.

]]>By: Aprilhttps://whatsyourgrief.com/understanding-survivor-guilt/#comment-18760
Thu, 05 Oct 2017 03:22:56 +0000http://www.whatsyourgrief.com/?p=12142#comment-18760Anne I am so glad you commented. It felt like I was the only one in my situation, even though I know so many thousands of people went and the majority of people are physically fine. It is an overwhelming, confusing, depressing feeling. I think anyone who bought tickets and had the 3 day pass will have some sort of mental trauma for so long regardless if they were there that night or not.

I didn’t get out of bed until 12:30 today. I haven’t cried today but instead feel a type of depression I’ve never experienced before. I feel like a shell of a person. Then I just found out my best friends cousin was there and was shot. She didn’t make it. Her name was Angela Gomez. I feel like crawling in a hole and not being around anyone. I’ve heard each day gets better but it’s a slow process. I wish I could not go to work this week and take time but I can’t. How are you doing today, Anne?

]]>By: Annehttps://whatsyourgrief.com/understanding-survivor-guilt/#comment-18754
Thu, 05 Oct 2017 01:12:03 +0000http://www.whatsyourgrief.com/?p=12142#comment-18754April, I feel the same way. Thank you for writing about your experience. I, too, was at the concert Friday and Saturday. I never had intentions of being there Sunday, but it hits too close to home. I look at my wrist band, the photos from the days before, and the videos of the horror and I can’t stop myself from crying. Why Sunday? Why not Saturday? Or Friday? How did I get so lucky when so many other did not. Why did these innocent people face this terror and I didn’t? I brushed shoulders, I danced, I sang along, and enjoyed the festival with these innocent and incredible people. But why did I walk away without a scratch? And then I feel guilty for even feeling this way because I wasn’t there and did not see the horror. I’m just so confused on how to feel. Thank you for sharing your experience because I feel there are others who share the same.
]]>By: Eleanor Haleyhttps://whatsyourgrief.com/understanding-survivor-guilt/#comment-18739
Wed, 04 Oct 2017 17:22:41 +0000http://www.whatsyourgrief.com/?p=12142#comment-18739April, I’m so sorry for what you and everyone at the Route 91 Festival has been through over the last few days. It is devastating and heartbreaking and a million other things. I think it’s normal to feel what you’re feeling in response to this traumatic situation. Experiences like this, where innocent people are hurt or killed, violate all our assumptions about the world. It makes perfect sense that you would be asking WHY? I’m glad you are safe and I hope that with time you are able to find some peace.
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