Sarah Hedgecock

Just how hung up is Woody Allen on sex with very young women? It's a conversation that arises every time he comes out with yet another new movie that pairs an aging hero with a young woman a third his age–or, as now, when child-molestation accusations against him resurface.

To be a really good lover, then, one must be strong and yet tender. How strong? I suppose being able to lift fifty pounds should do it. –From "On Love" in "The Early Essays" (1973)

I am in love with two women, a not terribly uncommon problem. That they happen to be mother and child? All the more challenging! –"Retribution" (1980)

My own theory is that for creatures from another solar system "hovering" may be a socially acceptable mode of relating. It may, indeed, be pleasurable. I myself once hovered over an eighteen-year-old actress for six months and had the best time of my life. –"The UFO Menace" (1977)

"Well, I heard of this young girl. Eighteen years old. A Vassar student. For a price, she'll come over and discuss any subject–Proust, Yeats, anthropology. Exchange of ideas. Get what I'm driving at?" –"The Whore of Mensa" (1974)

The dilemma that precipitated this catastrophic fall from grace was simply this. I was living with a woman whom I cared for very deeply and who had a winning and delightful personality and mind; rich in culture and humor and a joy to spend time with. But (and I curse Fate for this) she did not turn me on sexually. –"The Lunatic's Tale" (1977)

I identified immediately with Peter Lorre. The impulse to be a sniveling, effeminate, greasy little weasel appealed to me enormously and, setting my sights on a life of mealymouthed degradation and crime, I rapidly achieved a reputation that caused neighboring parents to appear at my doorstep carrying torches, a large rope and bags of quicklime. –"How Bogart Made Me the Super Lover I Am Today" (1969)

She saw me as a symbol of all men–the understanding father, the amusing little boy, the poet driven mad by a relentless passion. –"The Girls of 'Casino Royale'" (1967)

Let me make it perfectly clear that I abhor sodomy as much as the next man; however, I would enjoy being beaten with live eels if the girl doing it were Presbyterian. –"Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex...You'll Find in My New Movie–Plus a Couple of Things You Never Bargained For" (1972)

That's why, when the door to my office swung open and a long-haired blonde named Heather Butkiss came striding in and told me she was a nudie model and needed my help, my salivary glands shifted into third. –"Mr. Big" (1971)

I was sneaking crosstown nightly to rendezvous with a photographer's model called Tiffany Schmeederer, whose blood-curdling mentality was in direct inverse proportion to the erotic radiation that oozed from her every pore. –"The Lunatic's Tale" (1977)

It it moves, fondle it! –"What's Nude, Pussycat?" (1965)

"So who do you want to meet? Sister Carrie? Hester Prynne? Ophelia? Maybe someone by Saul Bellow? Hey, what about Temple Drake? Although for a man your age she'd be a workout." –"The Kugelmass Episode" (1977)

For lovemaking, Weinstein needed someone quite opposite. Like Lu-Anne, who made sex an art. The only trouble was she couldn't count to twenty without taking her shoes off. –"No Kaddish for Weinstein" (1975)

True, I had experienced normal daydreams over random females–this actress, that stewardess, some wide-eyed college girl... –"Retribution" (1980)

[Gene] Wilder and the sheep became a torrid item during the filming and had a highly publicized affair, which culminated in his being caught in a Butte hotel room with the sheep, her mother and a teenager who told the judge she was Little Bopeep. –"Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex...You'll Find in My New Movie–Plus a Couple of Things You Never Bargained For" (1972)

His libertine attitudes involved him in several notorious scandals, and he
eventually sued the government over the to wear earmuffs while fondling a dwarf. –"Slang Origins" (1975)

I married [Connie's mother] Emily and there were no suicides. Emily's three children attended and a dozen or so friends. It was held in Connie's
apartment and champagne flowed. At one point I found myself in the bedroom with Connie alone. We kidded and reminisced about our relationship, its ups and downs, and how sexually attracted I had been to her.

"It was flattering." she said warmly.

"Well, I couldn't swing it with the daughter, so I carried off the mother." The next thing I knew, Connie's tongue was in my mouth....

"You turn me on like I can't believe," she said, dragging me down on the bed.

"What's gotten into you? Are you a nymphomaniac?" I said, rising, yet undeniably excited by her sudden aggressiveness.

"I have to sleep with you. If not now, then soon." she said.

"Me, Harold Cohen? The guy who lived with you? And loved you? Who couldn't get near you with a ten-foot pole because I became a version of [Connie's brother] Danny? Me you're hot for? Your brother symbol?"

"It's a whole new ball game." she said, pressing close to me. "Marrying Mom has made you my father." She kissed me again and past before returning to the festivities said, "Don't worry, Dad, there'll be plenty of opportunities." –"Retribution" (1980)