Johnson was a poet, essayist, critic, biographer, an editor, and most importantly (today anyway) – a lexicographer.
His 1755 dictionary was the first truly comprehensive dictionary of the language, and remained the gold standard until The Oxford English Dictionary of 1884 — but one of the best reasons to remember him is – dude was hilarious!

To celebrate our fellow lover of lexicology, let’s giggle with some of Johnson’s most notable & quotable dictionary entries –

Lexicographer: A writer of dictionaries; a harmless drudge that busies himself in tracing the original, and detailing the signification of words.

Cough: A convulsion of the lungs, vellicated by some sharp serosity.

Distiller: One who makes and sells pernicious and inflammatory spirits.

Dull: Not exhilaterating (sic); not delightful; as, to make dictionaries isdull work.

Excise: A hateful tax levied upon commodities, and adjudged not by the common judges of property, but wretches hired by those to whom excise is paid.

Far-fetch: A deep stratagem. A ludicrous word.

Jobbernowl: Loggerhead; blockhead.

Kickshaw: A dish so changed by the cookery that it can scarcely be known.

Network: Any thing reticulated or decussated, at equal distances, with interstices between the intersections. (See how he defined ‘reticulated,’ below.)

Oats: A grain, which in England is generally given to horses, but in Scotland appears to support the people.

Pastern: The knee of a horse. (This is wrong. When Johnson was once asked how he came to make such a mistake, Boswell tells us he replied,“Ignorance, Madam, pure ignorance.”)

Patron: One who countenances, supports or protects. Commonly a wretch who supports with insolence, and is paid with flattery.

Pension: An allowance made to any one without an equivalent. In England it is generally understood to mean pay given to a state hireling for treason to his country.

Politician: 1. One versed in the arts of government; one skilled in politicks. 2. A man of artifice; one of deep contrivance.

Reticulated: Made of network; formed with interstitial vacuities.

Tory: One who adheres to the ancient constitution of the state, and the apostolical hierarchy of the church of England, opposed to a Whig.

Whig: The name of a faction.

To worm: To deprive a dog of something, nobody knows what, under his tongue, which is said to prevent him, nobody knows why, from running mad.

“It is commonly observed, that when two Englishmen meet, their first talk is of the weather; they are in haste to tell each other, what each must already know, that it is hot or cold, bright or cloudy, windy or calm.” —The Idler

“I have, all my life long, been lying till noon; yet I tell all young men, and tell them with great sincerity, that nobody who does not rise early will ever do any good.” —The Journal of a Tour to the Hebrides

“At the tea table he had considerable demands upon his favorite beverage, and I remember when Sir Joshua Reynolds at my house reminded him that he had drank eleven cups, he replied — ‘Sir, I did not count your glasses of wine, why should you number up my cups of tea?’”—The Life of Samuel Johnson, Vol. 2

“It can scarcely be candid not to make a previous declaration, that he is to expect little justice from the author of this extract, a hardened and shameless tea-drinker.” —A Journal of Eight Days’ Journey

TASTE

of the food he’d cooked her was divine. When she told him, over their many online messages, what her favourite three course meal was – she never expected him to cook it for her and yet, that was exactly what he had done. Sitting opposite her, he watched her enjoy every mouthful despite not wanting any food for himself. A man content with the glass of red before him: A liquid dinner. Normally she would feel uncomfortable with a relative stranger watching her eat, but the food was so good that she didn’t care. Anyway, she knew this was her treat… Just as what he had coming for himself – as soon as she was done eating – would be his treat, not that he hurried her to finish. He was happy to wait. He knew

all good things come to those who wait

Have you read PLENTY OF FREAKS? OMG, Poor Matt could have ended up in so many of his stories!

Like the rest of the White Cover collection, this short story is intended for those who want a quick read before bed, or members of Kindle Unlimited. If you’re looking for something longer, please try any of the Black Cover Range.

I was supposed to attend this year’s STC convention, but due to some miscalculations on my part, I had to cancel and stay home. I had a blast last year. I’m sure my friends, who are arriving in Williamsburg as we speak, will carry the torch.

That said, I wanted to give you a list of books you should grab while you’re there. So here we go:

WE CAME BACK by Patrick Lacey

Patrick is one of the best new horror writers out there. This book is fantastic, and all of the proceeds are going to fight cancer in honor of his dad. Win/win, make sure you help him sell every copy.

BONE WHITE by Ronald Malfi

Ron is my favorite author not named Stephen King. This book is out on the 25th, but Ron will have early copies for sale. I was lucky enough to get a copy a…

Cassie and Rich have been texting for a few days, and now it’s time to meet. No commitments, no strings. Just one afternoon of rough, and kinky fun. She has a very detailed fantasy, and she knew Rich was the guy to fulfill her every dark, twisted, and violent desire.

HOW WRONG COULD IT GO?

Her text told him to arrive at 4:15. Not 4:14. Not 4:16. Exactly 4:15. All of her instructions were very… precise, (read: anal). But, you gotta love a girl who knows what she wants! Playing the aggressor in a violent fantasy with a smokin’ hot, older woman sounds freakin’ HOT – Rich just hopes he can immerse himself into her fantasy completely.

How can one compulsively planned & timed afternoon go to shit so fast? How did things get so terribly, darkly, and disturbingly fucked up?

Never give one person your complete trust. Ever.

I just have one very small … ‘issue’ with KINK –
I started the book expecting a demented and fucked up ‘killer’/‘murderer’ story,
but it took a kind of ‘sci-fi’ or ‘creature horror’ turn at one point.
In any other story, I’d usually be pissed. But, I got into it, it worked, and I liked it!

Warren, Crowley, and Davey are The Barns Brothers(#TheButcherBrothers) Authors of Extreme Horror, Sex & Violence, gut-wrenching Tales with a Twist, and Murderous Plots.