CAREFUL, KAL-EL; WATCH OUT WHIZDOM!

We all know how the media likes to jump on every new ‘weird’ starbaby name, predicting dire consequences down the road for the likes of poor little Moxie CrimeFighter, Pilot Inspektor, BronxMowgli, and Apple. Well, only time will tell how these kids will actually meet that particular challenge as they grow up, but it might be instructive to look at the previous generation of oddball-named celebrity babes who are now young adults and see how they’ve handled it–which ones think these names have made them feel special and which have felt damaged, how many have held on to their bizarre appellations and how many have dropped them.

CHASTITYBONO. Mom Cher used the name of dad Sonny‘s film “Chastity,” but though her daughter has hung onto it, she has said “most of the time it’s been a pain.” Seems when she complained about it, Sonny would say “Be thankful we didn’t name you Dweezil.” Which brings us to:

DWEEZIL ZAPPA. When the hospital refused to register this name, the birth certificate read Ian DonaldCalvin Euclid–the names of Zappa’s then-bandmates. But Dweezil, always called Dweezil, later made it his legal name. Older sister MOON UNIT has frequently insisted that she likes having an unusual name like Moon rather than something more ordinary, and presumably their other siblings AHMET EMUUKHA RODAN and DIVA THIN MUFFIN PIGEEN agree.

PEACHES HONEYBLOSSOM MICHELLEANGELVANESSA GELDOF, daughter of rocker-activist Bob, has bemoaned “My weird name has haunted me all my life.” Wouldn’t be surprised if her sisters FIFI TRIXIEBELLE, PIXIE and HEAVENLY HIRAANI TIGERLILY–exhibitionists all–felt the same way.

SATCHEL FARROW. The son of Mia Farrow and WoodyAllen was born Satchel Ronan O’Sullivan Farrow, named for one of his father’s baseball heroes, SatchelPaige. Following a bitter custody battle, he became known as Seamus, and now, having been a prodigy who graduated from college at 15 and become a human rights activist and journalist, he has settled on the name RonanSeamus Farrow. His sister also took three steps, going from DYLAN to ELIZA to MALONE.

STRAWBERRYSAROYAN. When fruitily-named AppleMartin was born in 2004, the granddaughter of WilliamSaroyan gave a long interview about her name to the New York Times . Since she grew up among kids named Cream, Wonder and Raspberry, she didn’t exactly feel like the odd girl out, and after some ups and downs, now definitely sees the benefits of her unusual name.