Brixton at Iron 5 X

Since Jon asked me for a tale of struggle, triumph, heroes – I believe I may have a page turning story that will keep you transfixed.

The year was 2016 – and the weather was described as particularly cold for August, that may be due to the fact it was January. The call had come for Frisbee teams to send 5 of their finest warriors down south to do battle for Iron Man glory. Brixton’s finest had other plans so Myself, Jon, Sylvester, Si and Jim were sent in their place. Admirably supported by Tracy and Issac. After checking what immunisations were needed for Devon we headed down south to commence battle.

Battle of the Tube

After a hearty breakfast for three of us (Sylvester and Jon went to McDonalds as they have no taste), we arrived to play our fellow Londoners and tube enthusiasts Mind the Gap. Jon had shown us his secret weapon for the day – incredible fashion resistant shorts to frighten the opposition. They must have thought “if they can do that to themselves …… what are they going to do to us.” It worked – the shorts derailed the opposition, our zone caught them out like a leaf on the line and our offense capitalised to ease out an 11-1 victory, leaving them stranded and in need of a replacement bus service.

Unrelated video:

Slaughtering the Beasts

Our next challenges came in the form of rabid wild animals – the Boars and the Wolves. However as it was lunchtime and at most of us hadn’t eaten we got out our weapons – blades and hammers – and proceeded to make light work in creating an extravagant feast. The beasts putting up little resistance as we eased to 7-3 and 8-3 victories respectfully.

Outdone by the Jokers

After feasting our bellies were full and legs were slow. The Frizee Rascals were clever – enticing us into a fast paced game that just wasn’t our forte. This gang of Rascals had good hands and clever pinpoint throws. Although we kept paced their trickery sometimes had us chasing shadows. They ended up winning the entire competition in this manner, making our loss of 5-8 looking respectable.

Honours Even against the Hosts

Our final game of the day was against the tournament hosts Shake and Bake. This band of brothers had just returned from conquering qualification at their own regionals tournament. We knew it was going to be tough, but a battle call came out from Jon and we raised our game. The game was akin to the cold war – two powerhouses squaring off against each other, both not giving an inch with the entire world watching, but with the small difference that there was unlikely to be nuclear inhalation come midnight. Both teams showed their skills as we put in classy scores against hard zone D. The battle went to the wire as both teams went all out for the win, with last gasp interceptions stopping certain scores. As the clock hit zero both teams turned to see a scoreboard showing 6 goals apiece, with each agreeing this had been a fair result in a great spirited contest.

Venturing out into to the dark

With the Brixton warriors still in with a chance of winning the competition we ventured out into the wet streets of Plymouth – seriously, it always rains here. The things we found might have turned softer men into jabbering wrecks. Milkshakes the size of elephants, American restaurants with hypnotic 80’s music videos and dodgy bars with drunken loudmouth locals – although their alcoholic state made them blind to us sneaking in some quick games of pool. To finish the night we headed with our fellow competitors to Bac Bar where we reminisced about the good old days. We ended the night with Kryptonite – Plymouths answer to the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster (the drink found in Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy – Its effects are similar to “having your brains smashed in by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick”).

Hangover Effects

The morning brought a chance to reach the quarter finals. Our opponents were called Cut Under Next Time or as an acronym …. Well you can all spell. After watching back the video evidence of this game captured by Tracy, it was obvious that these guys had somehow sneakily cover our fingers in butter, causing us not to catch some crucial scores in the end zone. They had also somehow convinced a Giant to join their ranks. Thankfully we have all had the same education as Jack the giant slayer, so whilst we may occasionally be tempted to invest in bags of magic beans we do know how to stop lanky beasts. However their other players capitalised on our mistakes and the result went with the flip 6-5.

After this point we could no longer win the tournament and prepared our departure. At was at this point someone cried hold your horses – we can still come away with silverware in the form of a shiny plate. I assumed some of our team have Greek ancestry as we decided right there that particular piece of cutlery should come home with us.

Road to Glory

To make it to the plate final we would need to conquer two teams Disco 2 and 5 syllables. We had a plan, which both our soon to be vanquished our opponents agreed worked quite successfully. Control the game by playing it at Brixton’s pace whilst implementing our impenetrable Zone. This domineering force consisted of the two man mountains (Myself and Sylvester) patrolling the deep – ensuring any team crazy enough to try a long disc would instantly regret it. The wise silver foxes shutting down the midfield whilst Jon was busy point blocking the bejesus out of their handlers. When we inevitably turned we held the disc smartly and waited patiently for the killer cuts, triumphing 7-3 in both games.

Final Contest

We weren’t going to be fazed by a three hour wait before our final – passing the time by honing our sharp minds playing the game known as Dobble. Shake and Bake had another army standing in our way – having spent literally seconds coming up with their name Shake and Bake 2. I would love to tell you this was an epic tight battle – but much like an Aston Villa goalkeeper our opponents just couldn’t keep us from scoring. The Brixton weekend came together in a mighty crescendo, ending as we put our opponents to the metaphorical sword 12-5. We had achieved the plate which turned out to be A), not plate shape B), made of glass and C), apparently not even intended as a food holder, nevertheless Jon insisted we brought it back. The whole final day being forever captured on film and in photos for generations to come (thanks Tracy and Jim).

The battle was over for another year and if I was Peter Jackson I would now go on for another 4 pages telling you how our heroes got home afterwards. Thankfully I’m not, Goodnight x