The experience and journey of an Alcoholic's partner. Share the journey with her...

Monday, July 13, 2009

Just for Today

Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once. I can do something for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

Just for today I will be happy. This assumes to be true what Abraham Lincoln said, that "Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."

Just for today I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my "luck" as it comes, and fit myself to it.

Just for today I will try to strengthen my mind. I will study. I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

Just for today I will exercise my soul in three ways: I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out; if anybody knows of it, it will not count. I will do at least two things I don't want to do - just for exercise. I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt; they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.

Just for today I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly, keep my voice low, be courteous, criticize not one bit. I won't find fault with anything, nor try to improve or regulate anybody but myself.

Just for today I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests: hurry and indecision.

Just for today I will have a quiet half hour all by myself and relax. During this half hour, sometime, I will try to get a better perspective of my life.

Just for today I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.

2 comments:

You are incredibly brave, and calling yourself 'hopeful' is very apt. There is hope.

I know, because I'm coming at this from the other side. I am a recovering alcoholic, married to a pastor. There are many things I know now, that six months ago I would not have believed. I know that I was the only one who could decide that I had a problem, and I was the only one who could decide to stop. I know that it was only when I got to the end of my tether that I realised that God had been there all the time, waiting for me to stop trying to cope with my problems in my own strength (inevitably this meant turning to drink) I know that I cannot do this without the help of friends.

You obviously love your husband very much. If he is ever to recover, he too has to decide these things for himself. Separating with him may turn out to be the thing that does this for him. And if he never does recover, you and your son need to be able to live with hope without him. As for you not realising that he was an alcoholic for three years, I plucked up the courage to confess to my husband two weeks ago, and he had never suspected that I had been drinking heavily for five years. If there's one thing we alcoholics excel at, it's deceit. He is struggling to trust me, but I see this as a good thing: I will never be 'cured'; I can never be trusted. But only in this area. We have agreed to ringfence the alcoholism, and to keep trusting each other in other areas.

I don't know if this will help you. You may not want to hear from an alcoholic. Nobody would blame you for that. But I will pray for you, and for your husband. Keep looking to God for strength. Keep listening to your elders. they make a lot of sense.

Thanks Erica for your comment and bravery for posting on a blog from an alcoholic's partner! I am thankful to have your imput and your perspective. It must be hard for you, and like me - sounds like you are at the beginning of a journey. Whether alcoholics or partners/friends/family of an alcoholic - I hope that we can take the journey together and support one another in this little virtual community. And I am encouraged by your words, thank you - and the words of others that have posted here.

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My Story

I dated my husband for almost three years before I was married. I was one year in before I realised he was an alcoholic. I felt stupid once I realised. The signs were there - but he was not a classic alcoholic. This is my story, not his, so I'm not going into the reasons why he had a drinking problem or when it began for him - but it's a sad story, and it is understandable why he ended up with a drinking problem.

I realise that many partners of alcoholics have worse stories than mine - but I am not writing this blog so that people might have sympathy for my situation. I write this blog to record MY recovery and my journey - since I am not in control of HIS recovery or his journey - that is a story for him to relay. This is a place where I can share my experiences and what I learn along the way. Hopefully others can relate to my journey and can share it with me and we can learn together.