This month’s IWSG post is about growth and change. Fitting for the spring season we’re all now entrenched in, if you think about it. April showers bring May flowers is the old saying, and that generally means that the work you put in today, yields results tomorrow. But how do you know that the results you get will be the ones you want?

I’m talking today about my own plans, but please, ask yourself these questions as well, and see if they ring true.

Do I have a goal?

Is this goal something I really want to work towards?

Is this goal something that will make me happy?

Do the steps I need to take line up with what I am capable of?

Should I go past my capabilities, even if I don’t know what the result will be?

If I fail, what is the worst that can happen?

What is my next step?

These are questions that I ponder on a daily basis. Questions that make it difficult to move forward at times. As you well know by now, I suffer from untreated anxiety and depression, and although I’ve been on anti-anxiety/anti-depressive meds before, I cannot afford them right now. This means dealing with my own issues without the aid of medication that turns my brain from my enemy into my friend.

So, these questions can be double sided. Negative answers can pop up and wreak havoc. In this case, however I’m going to try to answer them here for you, in the most positive light I can.

Yes, I have a goal. Several. The two most important are to complete my degree, and to get published.

Yes, the goals are worth working towards. Not only would being a published author raise my self-esteem, it would also make it easier to find work. ‘Published Author’ looks impressive on a resume, after all. And education is it’s own reward.

Do these goals make me happy? Somewhat. I have no doubt that being published will make me happy. And completing a degree will definately make me feel accomplished.

The question here becomes difficult. Am I capable of the steps necessary? Of attending classes? Getting good grades? All while writing, editing and publishing a book? Not to mention all of the other goals I have that aren’t listed here? …I won’t know until I try. But I believe I am. I believe I can do these things, because others believe I can. My writing mentor, Chris Votey, tells me that I can accomplish this. That I can be an author. My best friend tells me that I am worth an education. That I can do it.

Should I overextend myself? What if I’m not capable of acheiving these goals? Well, as my best friend reminded me today, the steps along the way are lessons, that I can then apply to new goals. There’s no need to worry so much over failure, becuase success isn’t the goal. The journey is. So I CAN overextend myself. I’ll just have to have nets waiting for when I fall.

If I fail to get my degree, I’ll have to continue working in retail, or worse, not work at all and eat up my best friend’s resources. If I fail to be published, I will have wasted all the time writing these stories, getting them out of my head and onto paper. If I fail, I will be where I am now, instead of where I want to be. That… doesn’t sound so bad to me.

My next steps are simple. Last week, I tested to see if I need remedial classes. This week I wait for them to tell me if my verification has come through. Everyday, I write. More and more, and then edit, carefully. Those are my next steps.

When I ask these seven questions, I don’t feel nearly as bad about where I am, or what to do next. Growth is just looking for a way to succeed. Nothing more. Change is the willingness to grow, and the chance. So what are you growing this april? What do your seven answers look like? Did these questions help you in any way? Let me know!

Like this:

Another week has passed, and with a harrumph rather than any kind of music. As I am now biking to and from work, my legs have put out a hit on me, in an attempt to put me out of my misery. While dodging ninja assassin attacks, I’ve managed to write some! Not on traditional things, unfortunately, but I’ve also managed to READ some! Which is amazing.

You may not know this, but if you are in debt to your library for five or more dollars, they won’t let you check anything out. After paying fifty dollars plus in back fees, I’m finally back in good with the library! *tincan laughter* No, but seriously, I am ecstatic about this. Alright, but here you go: