You do not have to be honest with meYou do not have to write pages of scriptOr find fanciful ways of expressingYour innermost thoughtsYou do not have to shareYou do not have to give anything to meNothing at allI accept who you are in this momentAnd yes there is much I do not knowBut there is also much I doAnd so I tell you thisYou do not have to be honest with meBut for my love of youI ask you to beHonest with yourselfDo not listen to this fiendish characterPerched upon your shoulderChattering incessantlyTelling you what you need to hearTo soothe your darkest thoughtsDo not fool yourselfYou are worth so much moreAnd what are your prayers forIf not to listen to your spiritTo enlighten you and make you wholeWhatever name you or I chooseHowever you place your bodyI lay mine on the waters of the oceanWith my arms outstretchedAnd face the skies of heavenAll this serves one purposeThere are angels and we must call to themTo dispel the mythical figureWho carries the seeds of fear in its wakeAnd serves to destroyEverything that is good and trueDo not be honest with meI am no one in your worldBut for my love of youI tell you nowBe honest with yourselfAnd call to your God toGive you the courage to be who you areFor you must knowThat this is who he wants you to beYou must know thisI have heard it spoken from your mouthEven if it was unclear to youIf only I could whisper in your earEach night before sleep takes youI would sayBe honest with yourselfAnd it will all become clear

Obsession stems from frustrationAnd when I read this in my bookSense came to meAnd I found something better than beforeObsession stems from knowing how things should beAnd living among how they are notIn trying to accept the misshapen detailAnd looking for a way to functionAmong the discordant harmoniesNature did not intendObsession stems from a longingTo change the mediocrity of existenceSeeing the answers presenting themselves so clearlyIn the love of the souls around usBut not matchingThe outward deeds of the others we call friendsObsession stems from the undeniable need to alterAll the stories passed down from our fathers beforeIn a vain attempt to influenceAnd oppress our facilityTo choose our own thoughtsTo listen to our inner voiceWho answers in solitudeWith grace and loveObsession stems from the unwavering fear of losingThat which makes perfect senseAmong our communionWith all the saints and sinnersObsession stems from selfAs long as there are tops and turves in this wayObsession isAnd obsession will always be.

Do not come too closeFor fear you might see meI want you to swaddle me in new clothesAnd allow me freedomTo act out my deepest desiresI do not have the courage to undertake.In these scenes I create and controlI will make you laughI will make you smile and feel goodI will leave a lasting impressionYes you will think of meBut do not come too closeFor then I will push you awayI want you to submerge me in complimentAnd feed my needI cannot do without your adorationIt is my sustenanceDevote yourself to meI am irresistible to youMy form absolute, unquestionableBut do not come too closeBe careful what you sayFor I dictate the direction of our exchangeWorship me in your female formHold me in high esteemRevere and glorify meVenerate and honour my intellectMy compassion and goodnessMy humour abundant in its brillianceIdolize what I show to youWhat I present in my harem of lustBut do not come too closeFor then I will push you away

What of the man who wishes for the desire to hateOr the man who does not wish to feelWhat of the man who is not sensitive to another’s painAnd knows only how to concealWhat he truly isAnd what he truly feelsAnd lives in such a wayThat they become his false idealsAnd he forgets what once he wasFor this is his purpose is it notTo become what he can never beBut still he’ll try and cast out thatWhich might expose his pretence, seenThat he is not the laughing clownWho can keep all things togetherAnd wear a golden crownThat attracts many admirersWomen taken by a smileThis man who has so many wordsAnd knows how to beguileWhat of the man who is shown how he behavesBy another just like himAnd he does not want for her to knowAnd he will not allow her inObsessed by hateBut buried deepAnd if those thoughts allowed to moveInto the recesses of his soulHe will lose all that he has provedHe will surrender his controlAnd pretence will fall awayColours will cease to brightenEnter demons of the dayAnd everything he knowsIn this life that he has builtThe people that are in itWill gently start to wiltWhat of this man who hurts anotherTo protect everything he ownsThis man is lost but to himselfHis lies now set in stone

It makes me laughWhen I think that wordsCan make any difference at allThey are only wordsAnd it is true they can touch a heartAnd bring a tear to an eyeThese poetic tones that beautifyEven the darkest talesBut they cannot change the turmoil inside any man aliveThey cannot make him take out his heartAnd look at what lies thereThey cannot make him face himselfAnd all the demons that he holdsFor these are only wordsMoving about on paperA dimension of one unfoldsWritten with inkI bring them forth for nowSo I can release my painThen they will slink back insideTheir glow quenched by lifeAnd I will be lost againThey are only wordsAnd it is true they can touch a heartAnd bring a tear to an eyeThese poetic tones that beautifyBut they cannot change the work a man must doThey cannot make him take out his heartAnd look at what is trueThey cannot make him face himselfAnd all the demons that he holdsFor they are only wordsAnd it is only words we know

You do not know meYou know only what you perceiveThrough fear, and ignorance of thoughtYou see only in the darknessAnd find the missing piece of jigsawTo complete the puzzle upon which you workThe shade is not quite rightBut you make it fitFor you are tired of searchingAnd now you must restYou do not know meYou know only what you have learnedThrough devotion and prayerYou are steeped in goodnessI found much refuge thereYou see everything and nothing at allYou paint upon a blank wallThe same picture time and time againThere is comfort in the knownThere is a safety thereAnd I do not belongTo your simple scenes of kindness and loveI sit with my back to you allI hear you mute yourself, your shameNo voice to speakAnd I who stand and have spokenI fall and weep

I crumble under your wordsI feel it coming to me againThe pattern had changedBut I could see you falling into the foldsMy tears meant nothingYou knew not of themWords back and forthBut no eyes to reveal the truthBetraying touch prevented youFrom looking directly at meAnd I am left to suffer your desiresI think of you oftenMy heart sighs & tiresOf a loss that never seems to endOh that you found your way to meAnd shed your shame & guiltLet us eat and be merryFind laughter in nonsense professedLet us move in silence towards friendshipAnd trust and nothing less

The word God has become empty of meaning through thousands of years of misuse. I use it sometimes, but I do so sparingly. By misuse, I mean that people who have never even glimpsed the realm of the sacred, the infinite vastness beyond that word, use it with great conviction, as if they knew what they were talking about. Or they argue against it, as if they knew what it is they are denying. This misuse gives rise to the absurd beliefs, assertions, and egoic delusions, such as “My or our God is the only true God, and your God is false,” or Nietzsche’s famous statement “God is dead.”

The word God has become a closed concept. The moment the word is uttered, a mental image is created, no longer, perhaps, of an old man in a white beard, but still a mental representation of someone or something outside you, and yes, almost inevitably a male someone or something.

Neither God nor Being nor any other word can define or explain the ineffable reality behind the word, so the only important question is whether the word is a help or a hindrance in enabling you to experience That toward which it points. Does it point beyond itself toward some transcendental reality, or does it lend itself too easily to becoming no more than an idea in your head that you believe in, a mental idol?

– Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now

I thought it apt to share here this extract from The Power of Now, because I use the word God in my poem below and it is possible that my usage of the word will be misconstrued. My aim in bringing this to light is to show transparency and to avoid seeming hypocrisy. I wrote this poem some years ago – at a different stage of my development – when I was not as careful with the word. Today, I do not believe in God in any traditional or religious sense. How liberating it is for me to write that here.

There are other words which bother me now in the poem, because I know of their traditional or religious meaning – sin, miracles, angels, heaven – and my usage of them does not reflect these interpretations. I am aware however, that sharing my words relinquishes any assumed control over them, and while I offer them here with Tolle’s above quote, I know that each individual will only see them as they are.

Salvation

I need for God to come and hold meTo shelter me from rainI need for God to take me in his armsAllow me to lie there once againTo follow on from whence I came to earthTo separate the twin of fearI need for God to come and save meFrom this echelon of clear forbidden watersIn which I find myself submergedI need for God to take me from my sinAnd wrongful actions purgeI need for miracles and angelsTo deliver me from harmI need for purity and innocenceMy useless weapons to disarmI need exquisiteness and splendourI need magnificence definedI need an opening of heartAnd a cleansing of my mindI need for love to wrap me underIts wings of consequenceI need to take into my armsMy single troubled aberranceI need to find myself a castawayOn an island filled with calmI need to listen to the silenceAnd hold its lessons in my palmI need to sit and look at nothingBut a sky and sea of blueI need to lie upon a shoreMy salvation to imbueI need to rest and be immersedIn the remedies I findI need for God to fill me deeplyTo experience mankindI need belovedness and honourI need an incident of truthI need for God to hold me closeUntil my bleeding I saluteI need for God to come and hold meI need for God to take me nearI need his hand upon this journeyAs I face his heavenly sphere.

I am a huge fan of contemporary & interpretive dance, and when I first saw this video for Sia’s Chandelier, I was blown away, not just by little Maddie Ziegler’s amazing talent & ability, but by the beautiful and turbulent emotion expressed here throughout. I’ve watched this video too many times to count, and continue to visit it when the mood takes me. Much like the drug Sia speaks about in this song, it leaves me wanting more. It moves me, every time. I love art that can trigger such profound emotions within.I first discovered Sia during a marathon of “Six Feet Under” many years ago, when her song Breathe Me was used in the series finale. From that moment, I fell in love with her voice and her artistry. Her videos are really unique, as she is unashamedly herself. In a day when so many acts in the popular music scene appear as variations on a theme, I find her very refreshing. It also gives me hope when the mainstream music industry is receptive to something of this nature. Perhaps the boxes are breaking open…A lot of people have commented on this video saying they don’t understand it, it freaks them out, and the dance is inappropriate for such a young child. I was really amazed, and somewhat shocked to read these comments, because to me it is such a beautiful work of art, and it perfectly expresses the Universal human struggle. I know the video is about Sia’s personal struggles with alcohol, but I think it can be applied to any human struggle, and the tumultuous commotion inherent in it. I certainly don’t enjoy suffering – in fact I put up serious resistance when in any form of pain – but I don’t believe in running from difficult or excruciating emotions, as they are an essential & valid part of the human experience. I see this song and video as facing and expressing them head-on, which is always incredibly liberating.I also think Maddie Ziegler’s thoughts on her experience of undertaking this dance were great: “it was really out of the box and it expanded me a lot… you just need to let go and feel it.”I know it all comes down to personal perception, yet I can’t help but think that some of these nay-Sayers are simply people who are not willing to feel it (as Maddie put it). At any rate, I love this song and the video, and so had to share it with you here.