Category: Satire

You fell in love with this place early on and never left. You enjoy long-winded but hopelessly idealistic political conversations with friends over cups of coffee and you even get some work done once in a while. Last week you started learning Swedish on Duolingo for the third time. Jack Kerouac is your guilty pleasure, and you pretend to appreciate the free-form sound at jazz night. Some people online have written articles criticizing this place, but you don’t pay much attention to that.

The Stanford College Republicans’ (SCR) efforts to bring themselves in line with the national party have met with mixed results. In an email sent to SCR members, a freshman member of SCR suggested that there would be little overlap between the group’s “target audience” and attendees of Stanford Admit Weekend’s community-center welcome events—or, in the words of the SCR member responsible for the email, “race-based events” like the “Chinanx [sic] Community Welcome.” Our sources tell us that SCR’s new “targeting strategy” is just the first in a series of initiatives to make SCR look more like the GOP. Other initiatives in the works include tuition subsidies for high-income students and an expansion of the group’s on-campus ammunition dump.