I remember reading A LOT about Americans being narcissistic & it seems to be a frequently true thing, but I think that narcissism isn't actually what people think it is. I always thought it was simply someone being arrogant & basically had a self-esteem addiction, but the truth is that someone can have a VERY high sense of self-esteem about NOT acting like an arrogant instigator that plays mind games on anyone at random.

I think that these people are actually "anti non-self" (meaning that they don't like anyone else, what they do, or even extent circumstances- because it's a present situation & not a product of their imagination, doesn't matter how it actually goes or doesn't go). They're not "pulling themselves up higher," but are pushing everything else down lower. Their worldview still stacks up the same way, just with a different momentum. It's an important distinction, since a person like that would have a tendency toward acting like an enemy. Sure, someone could excite a sense of superiority by treating someone else like trash (implying that they deserve low quality treatment by dishing it out), but they could always feel that same way for NOT being that way.

GoingAwol wrote:I see people here talking about how socially isolated they are/were in the U.S , but is it really that bad? I've lived in the southern U.S my entire life and my experience has been that people are generally friendly, albeit mostly in a superficial way. I have a lot of acquaintances, but only have a few really close friends. I think it's hard to form real deep friendships here, but it's generally easy to have friendly conversations with random people in my experience. So is the U.S really that bad socially? I have heard nightmare stories about how closed off people in Germany and other Northern European countries are. So HA'ers, Is the U.S. really that bad? is it the most unfriendly country? And if it's not, which country is?

Yes it is. People in the US may make superficial small talk once in a while, but its with the understanding that afterward, you and them will go your own separate ways. In my neighborhood, neighbors may smile and wave and say hi, but they dont invite me over for barbecues or conversations. Everyone keeps their distance and wants to be left alone.

Thus the US is very lonely, isolating and depressing. So what are you contesting?

Whats your definition of friendliness? To me, friendly means social interaction and wanting to get to know people. Its being social and socializing and exchanging contact info, etc. Superficial hellos and waves dont count in my book.

Overall, no human or social connection with others feels empty and meaningless. It makes me feel weak, like a flower dying in the desert. I have no energy to draw from so it feels soul sucking and energy draining. Especially after youve been abroad. And especially if you dont fit into american culture and people. Who here feels connected in america? Who here feels like he fits in in america? Who here feels accepted in america?

America is for degenerates and soulless people who only care about money and materialism. Only greedy immigrants come to america. After all what kind of people abandon their culture and family just to make money in america? Thats why even foreigners who move to america tend to be greedy and soulless too. I dont connect with that. Basically, if you have a soul, are intellectual or sensitive, then america isnt for you.

Hey Winston, thanks for telling the HARD COLD TRUTH ABOUT AMERICA'S SOCIAL SCENE!!!!! I happen to agree with what you just said about soulful, intellectual, and sensitive people not fitting into America....100%!!!! Because I too am both an intellectual, introverted, and sensitive person (despite my military "brat"/veteran background) as well as being artistic. I believe would fit in better into a EUROPEAN culture and society than in a America with it's hyper-competitiveness, materialism, consumerism, hustling, male bragging, macho, feminist/misandry/gynocentric, bad-boy/thug-idolizing, sports-obsessed, celebrity-worshipping, cliquish, warmongering, adolescent mentality!!!

onethousandknives wrote:It depends. I think the biggest issue is, let's say I encounter people from Eastern Europe, or even Asia, they may be cold and closed off somewhat (maybe because they feel shunned by Americans) but the reason they ignore you is more that they don't care you exist. Which is fine. But with Americans, I feel it's different, it's more that people are paranoid and afraid of meeting and connecting with people. So it's not that they're unfriendly per se, but more just afraid. I think it came with the mass shootings, terrorism, serial killer, etc type of scares, that any person who is out of the "norm" could potentially be one of those people, so there's a shunning of anyone not 100% "normal."

The biggest revelation for me though, is meeting foreigners here, and how many of them had very poor social lives. One Indian couple who lived in my apartment said I was the only white person who bothered to talk to them at my apartment complex, and said they had no friends besides other Indians. They invited me for dinner, only neighbor to do so there at my apartment complex. Their apartment was nice, they were reasonably skinny, in their 30s, they had a giant TV, newer cars, good jobs in medical fields, spoke good English, albeit with an accent, but no friends. I had a friend from Sweden come here as well, about 28 years old, good shape, tall, blonde, spoke English well, and had a terrible social life here and no girlfriend and few dates for the 6 months he was here. In Sweden he told me all about his girlfriends, friends, girls, etc, and really said he did not like the social atmosphere at all and that there was nothing to do. I had a friend from Poland in high school, he became a "nerd", got fat, and got bullied here, though when he was in Poland, he was skinny, had a lot of friends, was good at soccer, etc. So in this case, at the very least USA is unfriendly to foreigners who come here seemingly normal and well put together, so what about natives who do not fit the correct mold or form? Then what?

I dunno, I could go on and on about it, but it's... possible. I think another weird exception to USA as well is even with most people being superficially friendly, there's an evil or sadism lurking beneath the surface. With shows like Jackass, Viva La Bam, etc, it shows this side to USA. Maybe I don't know enough about other countries to say this is specific to USA, but there's a lot of just harassing people for simply existing in USA. If you go on youtube, there's videos of people, say, honking at bicyclists repeatedly and following them and harassing them simply for riding a bike and needing to get somewhere. "You're not in a car, you're not like me, I'm gonna bully you and try to force my will on you." Rather than said person driving by and thinking "oh well, that's strange, whatever." There's an intense preoccupation with what OTHERS are doing in America, and the need to control that. So to the OP, maybe this is what's different to the "ice cold" regions of Europe, the need to crush and destroy others who are different or you don't like.

So that type of just random silly harassment is something quite unfriendly about USA, too. Even with theft, I got my bicycle stolen by teenagers, not who wanted something to ride, not who even needed something to take parts off of, but just for someone to ride for a bit and destroy it for no reason. There's weird ideology of thinking violence and cruelty and harassment of others is fun and "cool" in USA, so this doesn't help things as well.

The US most certainly is the most unfriendly country in the world! And the US is even becoming a downright deadly country for guys who are single and/or not popular as more and more Americans begin to settle more and more things with guns.

onethousandknives wrote:
... or even Asia, they may be cold and closed off somewhat (maybe because they feel shunned by Americans) but the reason they ignore you is more that they don't care you exist. Which is fine.

But with Americans, I feel it's different, it's more that people are paranoid and afraid of meeting and connecting with people. So it's not that they're unfriendly per se, but more just afraid.

... and destroy it for no reason. There's weird ideology of thinking violence and cruelty and harassment of others is fun and "cool" in USA, so this doesn't help things as well.

I share your opinion. In USA you need a while to find a place which fits you, with people who fits you.
Somewhat the story about the right man on the right place at the right time.

There are places in USA I can walk around for hours and people will greet me, no need to carry a gun.

There are places in USA, I would never enter without an armed escort....

In USA you can find any kind of people you can imagine... the best and the worst...

I cannot say that the entire USA is 'unfriendly'. It depends where you are in USA. Some people are great and welcoming, others are truly human garbage.

GoingAwol wrote:I see people here talking about how socially isolated they are/were in the U.S , but is it really that bad? I've lived in the southern U.S my entire life and my experience has been that people are generally friendly, albeit mostly in a superficial way. I have a lot of acquaintances, but only have a few really close friends. I think it's hard to form real deep friendships here, but it's generally easy to have friendly conversations with random people in my experience. So is the U.S really that bad socially? I have heard nightmare stories about how closed off people in Germany and other Northern European countries are. So HA'ers, Is the U.S. really that bad? is it the most unfriendly country? And if it's not, which country is?

Yes it is. People in the US may make superficial small talk once in a while, but its with the understanding that afterward, you and them will go your own separate ways. In my neighborhood, neighbors may smile and wave and say hi, but they dont invite me over for barbecues or conversations. Everyone keeps their distance and wants to be left alone.

Thus the US is very lonely, isolating and depressing. So what are you contesting?

Whats your definition of friendliness? To me, friendly means social interaction and wanting to get to know people. Its being social and socializing and exchanging contact info, etc. Superficial hellos and waves dont count in my book.

Overall, no human or social connection with others feels empty and meaningless. It makes me feel weak, like a flower dying in the desert. I have no energy to draw from so it feels soul sucking and energy draining. Especially after youve been abroad. And especially if you dont fit into american culture and people. Who here feels connected in america? Who here feels like he fits in in america? Who here feels accepted in america?

America is for degenerates and soulless people who only care about money and materialism. Only greedy immigrants come to america. After all what kind of people abandon their culture and family just to make money in america? Thats why even foreigners who move to america tend to be greedy and soulless too. I dont connect with that. Basically, if you have a soul, are intellectual or sensitive, then america isnt for you.

Hey Winston, thanks for telling the HARD COLD TRUTH ABOUT AMERICA'S SOCIAL SCENE!!!!! I happen to agree with what you just said about soulful, intellectual, and sensitive people not fitting into America....100%!!!! Because I too am both an intellectual, introverted, and sensitive person (despite my military "brat"/veteran background) as well as being artistic. I believe would fit in better into a EUROPEAN culture and society than in a America with it's hyper-competitiveness, materialism, consumerism, hustling, male bragging, macho, feminist/misandry/gynocentric, bad-boy/thug-idolizing, sports-obsessed, celebrity-worshipping, cliquish, warmongering, adolescent mentality!!!

.
I felt like this for a long, long, Long, long - time. Until I hit a stage in my life where I realized that - nothing's going to change. There's nothing coming that's going to "save me'" as I always inside hoped. I hit a point where I knew I needed to gain wisdom and understanding: I made it my, and I still make it my goal, to gain as much wisdom, knowledge and understanding as I can about my country, the way things work, my environment, etc.,
Ironically - my life did not start turning around until I ...one day started investigating the real reasons behind world events, because I was triggered one day by the comments on a news article. ..The rest is history.
The wisdom in the Bible, the wisest book known to man, says this.
"Do not forsake her, and she will guard you; Love her, and she will watch over you. The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding." -Proverbs 4
"How much better it is to get wisdom than gold! And to get understanding is to be chosen above silver."

I got tired of living my life as a fool. Though I can't claim to not be a fool, my only hope for you is not to live in idealism. Make the best of where you are at, and change what you can, where you can.
I'm in agreement that America is basically a socially engineered hell-hole on Earth, of magnanimous epic proportions. Anyone who doesn't see this is drinking the kool-aid. Unfortunately - that's a lot of people.
I could spend my whole life hating where I'm at & hating the system, etc. But why beat my head against a wall. Make changes to get out, or just stay here.

I don't like it here either. I think America is the most abusive, isolating, psychologically desperate place I've ever been.
What makes it even more infuriating is that when you mention this to somebody - a family member, they act as if they "have no idea what on earth you are talking about..." leaving you jaw-dropped and expressionless. They just say, over and over again "you have to get out and make friends." I must have heard that from my mother for about 15 years now; and she keeps saying it...
It makes you feel insane, and like you want to smash your head through some concrete. They totally don't get what you are talking about, they think going out and making 'friends' is what it's all about, failing to see the problem behind that (because they don't acknowledge there is one) leaving you feeling insane. There is no way to have a conversation from two people if you don't agree on the premise of reality. This is what's so disturbing. Am I insane, or is she? I'm inclined to think it's she, but with SO many people in her boat, it makes me feel unsettled/unnerved.
It makes it even worse. It's like people deny the pain here, just to make it through - as a coping mechanism. If they actually had to face how painful it was, they would crack up. So they have to. This disturbs me to no end, and I had to find an explanation for it.
I think that these people really don't see the things we see. Or they tell themselves they don't.

Of course I can't find my passport, and everything's jammed up now. I was all set to go to China. ..Now I may have to get a new one. Between all the bs, and the depression I feel - .....my ups and down feelings about girls, it's just very hard to live and survive here.

I know one thing. YOu can't give into the depression or 'feeling sorrow for yourself' or, you're a goner. You're never going to make it out of here - or to anything better. I gave up my long time porn addiction, which destroyed my life in so many ways, that has to help....