Back, and in at the deep end

You’d think that no time had passed at all. Back from a fabulous holiday I was secretly hoping that all would be sorted, that I would sashay gently into an exchange and move. Ignorance really is bliss.

Don’t get me wrong, things have moved on a little bit and we are now the other side of a successful survey and valuation; yet it still feels like there’s a long way to go and the bank still need this, that, and the other before making the official offer. The key problem at the moment being that they’ve suddenly decided they would like evidence from my current company that I will be continuing to freelance for them once I move to Cornwall. Hmmmm… difficult. Considering that I haven’t actually handed my notice in yet, I’m not quite sure how that conversation would go…

“Excuse me boss, just wondered if I could run something by you. I’m planning on leaving at the end of February but don’t want to hand in my notice now just in case it all goes tits up and I end up not wanting to leave after all. However, if I DO leave (and I fully intend to) I would like to continue to work for you so if you could just write a letter saying if I leave you are happy to let me do freelance work that would be ace, because that would help me get the mortgage and help me leave. Obviously, this is on the understanding that if it all falls through you should just forget all of this ‘handing my notice in’ rubbish, and I will continue to stay on at the company. Thanks so much.”

It’s a bit of a Catch 22 don’t you think?

Am hoping that the bank will just take my word for it, and this will not be a deal breaker.

Meanwhile I have since decided that I have far more to worry about, and last night ‘The Fears’, or as my Mum would say ‘The Willies’, hit me like a ten ton truck. In no particular order:

Fear that this will fail

Fear that my marketing skills are all well and good when they’re for someone else, but putting my own business on the line is a different story

Fear that no one will want to stay

Fear that we will go broke in the first year

Fear that I am leaving behind all my friends and family and won’t have a support network

Fear of going it alone

Fear that we have massively underestimated the cost of all this and we won’t be able to afford to do what we need to do

Being quite risk averse as a person I am appalled to find myself in a highly risky situation. Luckily Danny, who is possibly the most optimistic person I have ever met, doesn’t actually believe that this could fail; suggesting that this entire scheme is a ‘no-brainer’ and through the powers of persuasion and a winning smile managed to convince me that my fears were all unfounded.

I suspect it was reading all the mortgage jargon that sent me into a tailspin; triggering the realisation that we are ploughing EVERYTHING we own into this venture. We are selling our flats in London, we are leaving our jobs, we are basing our whole future on the fact that we think we might be able to market and run a guest house, and we think we will be able to do this without killing each other. (Don’t tell the banks this, according to our business plan we are highly confident, skilled individuals that will be running the most successful guest house in the world within 3 years).

Tonight we are writing a pre-opening budget and once it’s all in black and white I know I’ll feel better, I just need to keep the final goal in mind, not forget why we’re doing all this, and fight the temptation to just settle for what I know, and what’s comfortable.