So, am I wrong?

My fiance and his best friend are planning a party for his friends 21st birthday party. & I am not as interested as I usually would be BUT I mean, I'm pregnant & I don't think a pregnant woman should be going to a party with a bunch of drunk asses acting stupid. That's juts my opinion and my fiance really wants me to go, I haven't told him that I don't want to go but I don't. He will bring it up and I'll just be like "Oh, that's cool." or "Oh... Okay..." And the other day at the grocery store he said "I'm going to invite my his ex so they can make out the whole night!" & I just gave him a face like "How old are you?" & He pointed it out last night and said "You just seem like you don't wanna go." I just gave hi ma look like "Duh I don't wanna go" And then he said "Well I was thinking you can bring one of your friends with you, so that you will know someone there." & I got teary eyed when he said that cause uh, he knows that ALL my friends either work on the weekends or have their own stuff to do and half of them found out I was engaged and completely hated me afterwards.. What business does a pregnant lady have at a drunken party?.... None. It's dangerous cause people act dumb at these parties and it would make me feel like a bad mom if I go. Cause I'd be putting my baby and myslef in that kind of situation. Am I wrong to not want to go?...

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Once Upon A Time A MommyAnd A Daddy Created A PRINCESS Abby. Due Feb. 2013!! Mommy(19) & Daddy(21) Est. August 9th 2011 Married OCTOBER 19th 2012 <3

Comments (29)

You're not wrong to not want to go. I'm not sure why there's a problem, though. It doesn't sound like he's pressuring you -- or am I misunderstanding the situation? Instead, it sounds like this is important to him, but you have been consistently evasive about your feelings to the point that your fiance finally had to ask you directly if you didn't want to go, at which point you still declined to respond, but instead just gave him a look as if he were slow. He then offered up what he thought would be an idea that would make you more interested in going to the party, which unfortunately only made you sad. Again -- did he realize why it made you sad? Does he understand how you feel about your loss of friends?

What exactly have you TOLD him about your feelings on this topic? He doesn't sound to me like he's being unreasonable or pushy. He sounds like he's a good friend and fiance who is trying his best to figure out why you are bothered and what he can do to help (if anything) while hopefully still getting you to come to the party. If you don't want to go, that's TOTALLY fine, but why are you so hesitant to just tell that to him? He sounds like he enjoys your company, cares about you, and would understand. Find a way to tell him that you'd rather stay at home, without insulting the party or the people involved (i.e. avoid using words like "dumb," "stupid," and "drunken asses" lol). It's still very possible to be honest about your reasons for wanting to stay away without disparaging anyone, and I have faith that if you do this, your fiance will be receptive.

I don't think you're wrong to want to pass on it. It does seem like your DF is thinking of ways to include you in the event, which I think is nice. Not being up front with your DF is a bit immature. I know, I know, he should already know it's not best for a pregnant woman to be reveling at a 21st birthday party, but maybe he was born without the mind-reading gene. ;-) But go ahead and tell him.

What if you all go to dinner first? You can celebrate with the friend there. And it wouldn't be rude if you excuse yourself to go home once the drinking begins.

Ok, so I'm going to kind of give you a different perspective. So this is obviously something he's pretty excited about. I understand you don't want to go be around drunk people, but he just wants you there to share the fun. How would you feel off you were really excited about something, and he was acting like you? I know my feelings would be hurt. I think you should go for a while, have fun for a bit. Don't stay long, but I feel its rather refreshing to be in a non mom environment for a bit. Kind of names you feel like you're a person outside of being pregnant. The chances of something happening are very slim. Just keep your distance. I think you should be supportive of the fact that he's excited. And I don't think he's being immature. What guy doesn't like to have fun with his friends? Its what they do. For I helped give you a little different way to look at this:) best of luck!

^^^Completely agree with Angela (and others!). Go out for a bit to celebrate his Birthday, and plaster a huge smile on your face for him for a bit, then when you get tired and beofre everyone gets to be "too much", give him a big Birthday kiss and just go home! Win win.

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Lisa, married to Arthur, Mommy to Gracie (02-16-05) and Oliver (06-24-10), ~Rosie~ in heaven (04-29-12), and Vincent (02-04-13)

This is his buddy's birthday right? Not his birthday? I think you either go for a bit until they get all crazy (then slip out - they won't care if they are being wild). Or you join up at the end as the sober driver. Or both. You don't have to stay all night and watch them be silly drunk boys, but it is cute that he wants you so badly to be involved when it's just a friend's birthday anyway.

I am also going to go out on a limb and suggest that there may be reasons you don't want to go to the party beyond what you posted originally, which you are less willing to share. For example, perhaps the thought of being around people who get to drink a lot is frustrating for you, since you can no longer join in. Perhaps you really don't relish the thought of being the only sober person there, surrounded by a bunch of people getting drunk and having fun. Perhaps all of that reality underscores the fact that you're turning a certain corner in your life well ahead of the rest of your peers -- you're fast approaching a milestone that carries huge weight and responsibility with it -- and you're still processessing and coming to terms with that. Perhaps you don't know a lot of his friends and will feel that uncomfortable to begin with -- pretty much feeling totally alone while surrounded by tons of people -- so to have to avoid alcohol on top of everything else will make it that much more awful of an evening for you. Are any of these things true? And are you feeling guilty for feeling this way?

If yes, please know that these are ALL VALID feelings. I reiterate my original suggestion that you talk to your fiance and let him know why you don't want to go to the party. Good luck.

Uhmm no, I don't care that I can't drink anymore. Cause I stopped drinking four months before I got pregnant caus eI though it was just getting stupid. I just don't like the way his friends act while they drink and party. ALL the parties I've been to before I was pregnant there has been fights and bottle throwing and I just don't think that as a soon to be mom I should be putting myself in that kind of situation THAT's what I was talking about when I said that I would feel like a bad mom, cause if I go knowing that there will be a fight and people will be violent then I'm not only putting myself at risk of being hurt but also my unborn baby... & If it was me going to a friends party he wouldn't want to go AT ALL. He is just like that. He won't go to MY friends parties but his friends parties are a lot more importnant.

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Once Upon A Time A MommyAnd A Daddy Created A PRINCESS Abby. Due Feb. 2013!! Mommy(19) & Daddy(21) Est. August 9th 2011 Married OCTOBER 19th 2012 <3

Is there a reason why you can't just TELL him you don't want to go rather than just giving him looks and seeming uninterested. I know in the past when DH and I would get into disagreements I would tell him he should just know and he would say why didn't you just TELL me I'm not a mind-reader (his favorite line). So now I just tell him and it's fine. :)