It's About Time!/Transcript

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Part I

(Scene opens up showing the Danville Museum of Natural History)Lawrence: Hey, you know, kids, these fossils are of creatures that lived here in Danville millions of years ago.Linda: Lucky these things aren't here today.Candace: No, lucky would be if we weren't still here today.Lawrence: Oh, look. This T-Rex footprint was found not 30 yards from this very spot. Hey, it says here that this fossil was dug up right near our very own neighborhood.Phineas: Didn't we have a dog named Bucky who got sick and went to live on kindly Old Man Simmons' farm?Lawrence: Oh, uh, let's move on, shall we? This exhibit is kindly Old Man Simmons—Hey! Who's up for milkshakes?Phineas: Hmm? (Angelic chorus. Ferb taps on his shoulder as Phineas looks over. Suddenly, his eyes get huge.) "Gadgets Through the Ages". This exhibit was made for us, Ferb. Hey, what are all those people looking at?Tour Guide: And this is one of our curious pieces, a time machine made by a 19th century scientist named Xavier Onassis. But, of course, we know he never finished it, or else we'll still see him here today. (Laughs) Right? Right? Eh, anyone? All right. Moving on.Phineas: A time machine, huh? Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today!Ferb:(Pulls out screwdriver)Phineas: Right. Let's fix us a time machine. Hey, where's Perry?

(Suspense music; Snapshots)(Camera pans to Major Monogram, then Perry, then back to Major Monogram, then back to Perry)Perry:(Arms waving)Carl: Uh, Agent P? Hey, it's me: Carl. The intern? We got a bit of a situation here. Major Monogram has been frozen like this pretty much all day. Solid as a rock. Oh, sorry. Anyhow, if the Major were able to, I'm sure he'd say, well, "Ouch", first of all, am I right? (Laughs) But seriously, I'm sure he'd say "Doofenshmirtz was up to something, and you should get to the bottom of it". (At Major Monogram) Am I right? Sir?Major Monogram:(Indistinct mumbling)Carl: I'm gonna take that as a yes. Good luck, Agent P.

Linda: And this fossil is the only representation of the glichiolous species from the Jurassic era. How exciting.Candace:(Growls) Why do I have to endure this suffering while Phineas and Ferb are off who knows where doing who knows-- (Gasps) What are you doing?Phineas: Fixing a time machine.Candace:(Gasps) You broke the exhibit?! I'm telling Mom!(Electricity fizzing)
What are you doing? (Gasps) You broke the exhibit?! I'm telling Mom!Phineas: Cool.Isabella: Hey guys. Whatcha doin'?Phineas: We're fixing this time machine.Isabella: Isn't that kinda impossible?Phineas: That's a possibility.Isabella: Good luck. My troop and I are going to the local fossils exhibit. Catch up with you later!Phineas: Bye.

♪ Doofenshmirtz Evil Incoporated! ♪(Water bubbling and splashing)Doofenshmirtz: Oh! Take that! And that! Perry the Platypus! I, uh, I uh, uh... There's no one else here. I mean, w-what are you doing here, Perry the Platypus?(Knob jostling)
Heh. I have mice? I- I wouldn't go in there if I were you!(Blinking)
Perry the Platypus, I swear, I've never seen this secret agent looking panda before. (laughs) Well, there's a panda in my closet and a panda paw print on my cheek. But it's not what you think. We're not enemies, we're just bad friends.

Candace: Mom! Mom! Evidence!Officer: Whoa, whoa, whoa, there, little missy. There's no yelling. Didn't you see the sign?Candace: Oh, that's right. It's a museum. I wouldn't want to WAKE anyone up!Boy: You got tossed out too, huh?Candace: Yeah, for yelling.Boy: You yelled in the museum? That is hardcore.Candace: Why'd you get thrown out?Boy: Stole a pterodactyl. It's not like I yelled.Candace: You gotta help me sneak back in! Please, please, please!Boy: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, okay. I've got a plan so ingenious it involves military-like stealth, precision and timing. (Screams)Officer: We got us a yeller at quadrant to 6!(Jazz music)(Register dings)Candace: Hi, Jeremy.Jeremy: Oh, hey, Candace.Candace: They have a slushy dog here.Jeremy: Yeah, it's new. I'm so bored. Feels like by the time my shift is over, I'll be a part of the fossil exhibit.Candace:(Laughs) Part of the fossil exhibit, that's a good one! (Laughs) Oops, gotta go. That was close.Phineas: Okay, Ferb. We're ready to test the circuit quanta stabilizers. Testing.Candace: Mom!Linda: Did you hear something?Candace:(Laughs) Part of the fossil exhibit, that's a good one! (Laughs)Jeremy: Yeah, um, where did you run off to?Candace: What do you mean? I didn't go anywhere.Jeremy: Right.Phineas: Testing #2.Jeremy: So, can I get you something?Candace:(Laughs) Part of the fossil exhibit, that's a good one! (Laughs)Phineas: We are a go on #3.Candace: Hi, Jeremy.Jeremy: Candace, you're really kind of freaking me out.Officer: Say, aren't you a little young to be working in a museum?Phineas: Yes. Yes I am.Officer: Well, it's nice to see young people taking an interest in history. Can I get you boys anything? Anything at all?Phineas: Actually, there seems to be a piece missing. It looks sorta like this. Have you seen it?Officer: Hmm. Looks familiar. I'll keep my eye out for it.

(Chorus vocalizing)Doofenshmirtz: Sorry, Perry the Platypus, I didn't want you to find out this way. Okay, here it is. Peter the Panda is my new nemesis. We met at an evil genius expo in Seattle, and, well, me and Peter, we instantly disliked each other. And then, he foiled a little evil scheme of mine. And, I didn't plan it that way, it just happened. (At Peter the Panda) Peter the Panda, be a dear and go get us a soda. (At Perry) It's not that I don't hate you anymore. I do, but look, I-- I just think it's time for us to, you know, take a break and start fighting other people. (At Peter the Panda) Thank you, Peter the Panda. (Sips) (At Perry) I'd offer you one, Perry the Platypus, but I-- I think it's better if we just have a clean break. Don't you? So, where was I? Oh, yes. (At Peter the Panda) So, Peter the Panda, you think you have outwitted me! (At Perry) Perry the Platypus, you're—you're making this harder than it needs to be. Go on, it's over now. Oh, that? That's a Freeze-Inator ray but, uh, I-- I don't want to explain it again. I just gave the whole spiel to Peter. But, don't worry. He's stopping me. He's-- He's got it well in hand. Goodbye. (At Peter the Panda) Curse you, Peter the Panda!

Candace/Officer:(Screams)Officer: You? I thought I tossed you out! Hey, what's this? Stealing a part of a display is serious. Almost yelling serious.Phineas: And last, but not curcuitly not least. Heh, heh.Officer: Huh?Candace: Mom!Officer: Can I get you boys anything? Anything at all?Phineas: Well, uh, yeah. Like I said before, we seem to be missing this piece.Officer: Hmm. Looks familiar. I'll keep my eye out for it. Ah! Here it is!Phineas: Cool. Thanks.

(Song: "When We Didn't Get Along")♪ Without you're schemes, my life it seems, is empty ♪♪ I spent all my time keeping you from doing wrong ♪♪ You we're my only nemesis, I foiled my plans, but still I miss ♪♪ The moments When We Didn't Get Along ♪♪ So search your heart, please Dr. D, and I am sure that you will see ♪♪ That you were always meant to be my only lifelong enemy ♪♪ But now you're doing battle with a panda from Seattle ♪♪ I'll miss the moments When We Didn't Get Along ♪♪ Ooh ♪

Lawrence: Darling, can I have $5 for the audio tour?Linda: Sure. Amateurs.Candace: Mom! Phineas and Ferb are in the "Gadgets Through the Ages" exhibit, and they're doing something to this chair thing, and Ferb is using this hose thing that makes sparks, and he's wearing this mask that goes like this! (Waves hand) And you have to come with me right now! Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please!Linda: Well, if it's that important to you.Candace: Really? Did I ever tell you how much I love you? They're this way! Hurry, hurry! They're in here!

Phineas: Ferb, you got that thing working yet?(Ferb twists the light bulb onto the time machine. It starts to glow)Candace: Gotcha! You guys are so-o-o-o-o bust--(The time machine disappears right before she could get the words out)Linda: Candace, how am I supposed to keep up? (enters the exhibit) Candace?

(Shift to a jungle in 300 million B.C., the time machine appears)Phineas: Well, it's working now.Candace: What? What's working?(Pterodactyl screeching, Unknown monsters running; Volcano blows up)Monster: Looloolooloolooloolooloolooloo!Candace: Take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home!Phineas: Sure, Candace. No problem.(Smash; Dinosaur roars; Last piece smashes)Ferb:This could be a problem.

Man:(On tape player) We hope you enjoyed your audio tour of Fossils.(Dramatic music)
If you'd like to take the tour again, just flip the tape.Lawrence: I can do that? Hey, I don't remember seeing this part. Hmm, (Laughs) well, it looks just like Candace. Hey, honey, you gotta see this!

Candace: I'll hide in the bush! (Screams)Monster #2:(Screams)Candace:(Screams)Monster #2s:(All screaming)Candace:(Panting)(Dinosaur roaring)Phineas: Hey, Candace. What are you doing?Candace: I'm running for my life! What does it look like?!Phineas: Well, hop on! (At Ferb) Hit it, Ferb!(Dinosaur roaring)
Fantastic motoring, Ferb!Candace: Why am I wearing a turtle on my head? (Screams)Phineas: Hey, what a stroke of luck! Look!Candace: And how is this better?Phineas: This one's a vegetarian.(Pterodactyls screeching)Candace: So it's not gonna eat us?Phineas: Nope.Candace: Woo-hoo.Phineas: Uh, excuse me? Yoo-hoo, down here. Hi, we're made of meat, ma'am. Thanks. Wow, isn't this amazing?Candace: You guys better figure out a way to get us home. 'Cause if we don't get home, I can't bust you for this!Phineas: Hey, that looks familiar. Guys, come here. Anyone recognize that bad boy?Candace: Uh, that looks like a footprint from the beast that tried to eat me alive.Phineas: And, it happens to be the very same footprint that's fossilized in the museum.Candace: Great. But how does that help us get out of prehistoric times?Phineas: Watch and learn.

(Back in the present...)Isabella: It looks like a T-Rex footprint to me. (notices a message in the dinosaur footprint) Hey, look! A message! "Time machine destroyed! Stuck in 300,000,000 BC. Please help! Signed Phineas, Ferb, and Candaaaaaccccce." Our friends need our help. Please turn to the "Time travel" section of your Fireside Girls handbook. Hey, has anyone seen Perry?

♪ Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.! ♪Doofenshmirtz:(Screams) Ow! Easy, easy, you're tearing it! Eh, oh. I remember when this picture was taken. It was the happiest day of my life. (Snapshot) It was the day I decided get my picture taken. But, it wasn't till I got outside the photo store, that my life changed forever. I had a feeling that there was someone hiding behind the mailbox. I had a nemesis!(Song: "My Nemesis")♪ My neme neme, ooh, my neme neme neme (X2) ♪♪ I used to sit alone doing evil all day, but now I think that someone's gonna get in my way ♪♪ Yeah, there's someone in my life that doesn't want me to exist ♪♪ My neme neme, ooh, my neme neme neme ♪♪ And I feel fine, 'cause I got a nemesis ♪♪ My neme neme, ooh, my neme neme neme (X2) ♪♪ Now I hate him, and he hates me, what a wonderful animosity ♪♪ Besides his hat, he wears no clothes, now I have someone to oppose ♪♪ 'Cause I have a nemesis ♪♪ My neme neme, ooh, my neme neme neme ♪Doofenshmirtz:♪ My neme neme, ooh, my neme neme neme ♪
Wait, I- I forgot what comes after the bridge.(Electricity fizzing)(Gasps) Peter the Panda, what are you doing?(Electricity fizzing)
You're disassembling my Freeze-Inator ray? While—While I was singing about my feelings? You! You're dead to me! You're dead to me!(Electricity fizzing)

("Go, Go, Phineas" instrumental)(Equipment clanging and whirring)Isabella: All right, team, that should do it. Pile in. Okay, let 'er rip!Gretchen:(Pulls lever)Isabella: Hold it. I think I know what the problem is. It says "Tie Machine". He left off the "M".Ginger/Katie: Ohh.

TV Announcer: Today on Dr. Feelbetter, I want to be your nemesis again. And now, Dr. Feelbetter!Dr. Feelbetter: You ever wonder what would happen if you lost your nemesis? Well, that's what precisely happened to our first guest, Perry the Platypus. Perry the Platypus, share with us your thoughts.Doofenshmirtz: Uh, I-- I'm sorry, he does—He doesn't actually talk.Dr. Feelbetter: Ah, I see. And this communication issue is what led you to replace Perry the Platypus?Doofenshmirtz: No, o-- Of course not! Uh—Peter the Panda doesn't talk either, he—He's a panda bear!Dr. Feelbetter: I see. Because he's an animal, he doesn't talk.Doofenshmirtz: Of course not! What kind of an evil scientist are you?Dr. Feelbetter: Right. Doctor, what if I were to tell you, Peter the Panda is backstage right now.Doofenshmirtz: What? Peter the Panda is here?(Crowd oohs)
Perry the Platypus, I-- I had no idea. I--Dr. Feelbetter: Ladies and Gentlemen, Peter the Panda!(Crowd boos)

(Cut to 300 million B.C.)Candace: Ugh! I can't believe I'm just stuck here! I can't believe I'll—I'll never get my driver's license, or—or wear my dream dress to the prom! (Sighs) And most of all, I can't believe I'll never see Jeremy again. (Draws a heart that says "C+J" in the dirt) How long are we supposed to sit here?!Phineas:(monotone) I don't know. Ferb and I have decided to use this time as an opportunity to practice patience.Candace: Lovely. Well, I suppose things can't get any worse. (Rain splashing) Oh, look. The world's first bad hair day.(Dinosaur roaring)(Thunder crashing)
So, Phineas, where's the rescue party you sent for?Phineas: Hmm. It just occurred that I may have misspelled "Time Machine" on the plans.Ferb: Well, I hope that's not going to be an issue.Phineas: Apparently not.

(The time machine appears, Isabella and the Fireside Girls are on it)Isabella: Hi, guys. What'cha doooin'?Phineas: Just waiting for you. (At Candace and Ferb) Hop in, guys.Candace: We're saved!Isabella: You know, there's an "M" in "Time Machine".Phineas: Yeah, sorry. (At Ferb) Take it away, Ferb.Ferb:(Pulls lever)(Dinosaur roaring)Candace: You mean to tell me you built a time machine that has to be plugged in?!(Dinosaur roaring)
Oh, put a sock in it!Phineas: Candace, no sudden movements.Candace: What does it matter? We're all doomed anyway. I mean, where are we supposed to find electricity in DINOSAUR LAND?!(Lightning zapping)

(They arrive back in the present)Man:(On P.A) The museum will be closing in 10 minutes.(Everyone cheering)Phineas: Yeah! Woo-hoo! That was awesome!Candace: Boy, that was a close one. Lucky for them I was there or we'd still be to escape that—T-REX!(Dinosaur roaring)

Dr. Feelbetter: Thank you, Peter. I've been meaning to stack those chairs. (At Doofenshmirtz) Dr. Doofenshmirtz, tell Perry the Platypus how you feel.Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus, I'm so sorry I hurt you; When I wasn't actually trying to hurt you. If you give me another chance, I promise to hurt you in the right way. With cartoonish physical violence, and elaborate traps constructed out of strange thing I purchased over the internet. What do you say?Crowd: Aw.Dr. Feelbetter: Well, what do you say, Perry the Platypus?Perry:(Puts on fedora)Crowd: Aw.Doofenshmirtz:(Sobs) Thank you, Perry the Platypus. (Sighs) Now, (Laughs maniacally) I can't believe that worked! You know, Peter the Panda thought that he disassembled my Freeze-Inator ray, but that was just a decoy! Bring in the real one, boys! You see, my plan was simple; assemble all the best secret agents in one room, and then turn them all into statues for my giant chess board! (Laughs) Hit it!
Dr. Feelbetter: (flips switch)

(Freeze-Inator whirring)Doofenshmirtz: Uh, Perry the Platypus, you don't mind if I say goodbye to Peter the Panda, do you? I-- I just feel weird how everything happened. Uh, Peter the Panda, I just wanted to let you know that uh, I feel—Ow!Perry:(Hops out through back of chair; Knocks over Freeze-Inator ray)(Laser firing; Satellite beeping, Laser hits satellite, zaps dinosaur)

Phineas: Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad. There you are, Candace. History is so exciting. We actually went back in time.Lawrence: I know what exactly what you mean, Phin. These exhibits make the past seem so real.Phineas: Hey, there you are, Perry.Candace:(Groans)Linda: All right, historians. Let's head home.Jeremy: Hey, Candace. This fossil is my favorite in the museum.Candace:(Blushes; Laughs)Jeremy: Huh. That's funny. I never knew cavemen wore safety helmets.