The supernatural is discussed in almost every book forum across the world; it is no secret that people are fascinated by what dwells ‘across the veil’. Spirits, sprites, angels, ghosts, demons, animal spirits, the fae, Greek gods, vampires, were wolves – we make these fiction authors millionaires.

As a medicine woman, I see, feel and hear all of these energies, and am amazed; constantly, that the same people who devour these fictional works are terrified to experience them in reality. Whether or not you choose to accept it doesn’t mean these creatures are not living, moving and existing near and right there with you. Now. As you read this post or watch that new episode of ‘Supernatural’ or VC.

I have paid attention to this wave, an insurgence of new age fumbling with the old, ancient texts, language, spells and incantations spun in shadow and with only half truths for guidance. There are careless experiences with Ouija and voodoo, an overall lack of respect for plant medicine, the irreverent use of animal remains, tooth, feather or bone. The lack of love for Nature, the four directions, our Earth Mother, even the air divas, as well as total ignorance in working with the animal kingdom is painfully adding to the daily destruction of the world, and our life, as we have known it.

I hear and see that many talk of being ‘seekers’, yet there is little action. I watch people ‘playing’ with crystals, bragging about spells they’ve learned or done, or how someone is looking for a teacher. Yet, when someone appears, they run the other way, or when a valid reader tells a client personal things and gives honest, earned knowledge to help the client heal and improve his/her life, why is it neither followed nor appreciated?

The integrity and honor of this work is a sacred calling; it did not manifest overnight. When I ‘take’ the pain, it is exactly that; I am transmuting pain, disease, heartache, the entity, miasm, tumor, or cyst and pulling it from your tissue, and releasing it through years of knowledge, experiential study, channeling, and prayer. I always carry it from your energy through mine, and then outward, to the Universal flow. It takes great skill and years of practice to keep these higher vibrations from settling in my body or making me sick, and the work does take its toll over time. You can learn that these pains are lessened through dietary choices, meditation, water, and a move to a less carbon diet. The more raw, plant based food you ingest with love, the better, especially things you grow yourself.

Never underestimate the intimacy and love that flows from plant to owner, especially over time. Plants have a huge capacity for unconditional love, and give of themselves that we may live, in harmony with humans as long as we continue to create or re-discover our connection to the natural world. Plants dance, feel, and even think, with sensitive systems that are more highly developed than our own. The Creator has given us a cure for every disease from the plant pharmacopeia, and it is our duty to curate, protect and resonate with the natural world, both plant and animal.

Once you begin to see the value of these esoteric connections, and learn about how we strengthen these bonds, we are then more able to see clearly the true value of the other humans around us, as well. We become more sensitive to the inner workings of the opposite sex, and can begin to communicate without words, but with the harnessing of energy.

We sense when the other is near, or in danger, or thinking of us. We can prolong or bring on the orgasm of the other or ourselves, and learn ways to intensify the pleasure of both of you with guided imagery and energetic exchange, strengthening the bonds of intimacy, pleasure and connection over time, instead of drifting apart. Through guided meditation, partner work, reiki, Native American healing and other forms of energy work, connections between the spiritual and physical body are developed, strengthened; pulling your authentic self back together, giving you a new view of life. There is a stronger desire to live, a more positive outlook, better health, and vigorous, passionate love relations that are mind blowing.

There is expansive, priceless and much sought after knowledge to be found in taking time to study and reflect on the old way of doing things. The brief pleasure of instant gratification is forgotten once one is saturated in the lasting glow of a developed practice that is mastered over time, with respect and in following sacred principles from the ancient ones.

It is becoming more difficult to find that special someone, but have faith – you can!

I wrote in an earlier post about how it is crucial to get beyond the looks of an individual, http://bitylink.info/tg45, as daydreaming is a dangerous trap in the beginning of the ‘getting to know’ phase.

After reading scores of online articles that were either designed to sell a product or just offer bad advice, I’ve come up with five secrets to finding the best type of person for your individual life style, whether a male or female.

You must get out of ‘the box’.

Once we hit our 30’s, it feels dangerous to veer from our daily routine, as this gives a single person presumed stability and safety. However, this is most likely why you aresingle. Going to different grocery stores, eating at new restaurants, walking on different tracks, or even walking indoors, like local malls or museums can get you in the vicinity of other singles. Think up new ways to help with old issues. For example, men can decrease impotency by 50% if they take up a low level weekly exercise like gardening! There are ways to become healthier in the natural world. Try something new!

2. Volunteer.

If you’ve always admired long-distant walkers or biking, volunteer at a local 10-k run or tough mudder, for example. Showing interest in the contestants can lead to interesting conversations, advice, and perhaps more.

Studies have shown that when a person can share his/her passion, it improves self-esteem and builds stronger relationships. Volunteer to help on your child’s sport team or after school activities, or the Special Olympics. Even if you’re not a sport pro, you can offer support from the side lines, help with snack and fund raisers, and meet other single parents.

If you’re an animal lover, help out at the local shelter, or equine therapy stable. There are many groups that help rescue certain dog breeds or neglected horses, for example.

3. Be more open-minded.

This has tremendous potential for finding a lasting love. Be willing to learn about a few things potential dates enjoy that you DON’T like, so you can find commonality. The more giving you are to participate in something because it pleases the other (as long as it doesn’t demean you), then more bonds are being created that draw you to each other. If the local mechanic has potential, ask him to come out and explain how he fixed the issue, perhaps getting him to show you what he did to your car. You can learn something and get closer to him. Men LOVE and NEED to have authority when they can.

If you think Amelia in the next cubicle is the ‘one’, and you find out she rushes from work to make the hot yoga class at 6, do a little research and start asking her how has bikram yoga helped her focus and breathing because you have trouble staying on task, for example. Find ways to be authentic and get to know the genuine side of the one on your mind.

4. Learn something new about your dating demographic.

Everyone knows you don’t go to a dance club if you want to find someone who’s ready to settle down, or you should start a new hobby to find someone with similar interests, but that doesn’t always help. It may just help you find more friends. Sigh.If you’ve had a difficult time finding worthwhile dating material, learn more about the type of person you wish to attract. A suggestion –

Although many people may find it hokie, there is a deep and ancient importance in learning about your astrological sign, either the strengths and weaknesses of your zodiac or from the Native American wheel’s earth sign. By studying about our polarity sign, our opposites, as well as our compatible signs, we can gain valuable insights into what makes us tick, and what we are truly looking for in a great match.

For example, if material items are not important to you, but you want a lover who will be reliable, trustworthy and family oriented, then a Cancer can be a great match. However, you must consider if you will be too bored after a time, and need lots of stimulation mentally, and new scenery. Then, a Cancer may cause long-term issues for you, especially if you are an Aquarius. I, however, loved having my opposite most f the time, but had to work hard at my male Cancer’s insecurities over the years. At the very least, it is interesting to consider the underlying desires and drives of the potential dates around you by researching this a little.

5. Make sure to give yourself quiet time to unwind each day.

Being single can bring on feelings of sad or loneliness, and we often fill our lives to overflowing so we don’t notice them so much. However, when we take time to reflect on our daily events, still the mind in relaxation by listening to quiet music or short nature walks, our stress levels lower, and our heart rate and breathing become more natural and healthy. Walking is also crucial for bowel health, which means feeling more comfortable and keeping disease at bay.

The more you are willing to open your mind and give new things a chance, the better your opportunities at finding the perfect fit for you. There is hope!

Money may be harder to come by, ‘things’ may be a strain to purchase, yet it is crucial to bless that which we DO have, continuing those blessings and the more to come.

One example of this is in the cooking ceremony, and something like old-fashioned cheese grits is the prefect way to send love to yourself and those in your household.

Old fashioned, stone ground flours/meals are a highly vibrant addition to the overworked American diet.

For my breakfast this morning, as snow whirls around and wind rattles the tin-roof barn, I set aside fifteen minutes to use this coarse, yellow corn stone ground grits from a little mill in NC from 1896.

I imagine the stone turning, the gears cranking, dust motes dancing between sun stripes and shadow in the old mills I’ve visited in my past, in both NC, MD and PA. They are amazing structures; the old cranks, belts and gears humming from water to wheel, while I stand over the little simmering pot of my own four serving breakfast.

Shaking my Himalayan salt through the steam, cutting a pat of butter to slide around between white and yellow grains, I know I am sharing love and energy with all the other ‘simple’ folks who bought and are buying these products since the 1800’s, or even before, depending on which mill you order from.

I give thanks for whatever’s on my mind at this moment; asking for blessings for my family, thinking warm, loving thoughts for those whose bellies will be warmed by this gentle respite from over due bills, school tests, bullies in the halls, job searching…

In this moment it is me, Creator, and the energy of our ancient friend corn who has fed our ancestors , since around 7,500 BC. A little leaf of bay adds to the salt, butter, and sprinkling of ground black peppercorns. 1/4 c. grits per 1 c. of water, and grated cheese to taste (we like to ‘taste’, so 1/2c. sharp cheese at the end of cooking 3/4c grits).

I hold the little steaming bowl in my hands, letting the warmth caress my face, and just give thanks to a loving Creator, and send love outwards to those that may need it, wherever they live, whatever their situation.

Take a little time, and you can find a mill (grist and/or roller) in your own area to patron. Children of all ages are fascinated by the old technology, and the history, as well. It is well worth the drive to visit one for the day.

We’ve come a long way from the paper cut outs in elementary school, but the excitement is still there…

Valentine’s Day; hearts aflutter, tin-foil Cupids dangling from a string tacked to the ceiling, the wonder and anticipation of the anonymous gift left on your desk, the potential text from an old flame, the hope that someone will start a conversation on your online dating profile… …and then the anxiety and sadness that no one will.

Being single again, especially as a single mom, can be a difficult and trying time. The older we get, the slimmer the pickings from the ‘ole gene pool. We often long for a connection, the closeness of snuggling together on the couch, waking up with another’s arm around you, listening to the slow, comfortable breath of another beside you in the waning hours of night.

Being alone and feeling OK about it is quite difficult for some, especially for those for whom a past love has passed on, or the other’s feelings drastically changed after a long relationship. We long to find ways to patch up the hole quickly and easily. However, finding a fulfilling and rewarding relationship can be difficult at this time. When you are single, but wanting to be in a relationship more than anything, even if you are not currently having sex, it does not make you celibate. Your goal is to find another guy, preferably super hot, rich and totally into you so you can settle down and be happy together. The intention is to have sex; deliciously steamy, prolonged and erotic, as much of it as you can get. I am not blaming you, by any means; sex between two consenting, like-minded individuals is a dream come true in certain situations.

Whether you are in a committed relationship, or if you both are looking for a NSA, clear communication and honesty make all the difference. What messes most dating potential up is the lack thereof. I have shared quite a few of my personal past dating experiences with you in these posts, some of which I had to delete, as my occasional foray into the erotic side of humanity upset some poor soul who felt my blog was only for ‘mature’ audiences. Therefore, the best segments were deleted so that I could get full use of tags, etc. So, if you are new to this blog, you can’t see just how much I have enjoyed the single again life in that respect, at times.

On the other side of the coin is the strong desire to express unconditional love of my self by taking quiet time away from the noise and clutter of ‘needing’ a man, or ‘wanting’ this guy or that one due to his hot looks or his persuasive texts, or just craving some hot sex and to be held afterwards.

When I take time to separate myself from the confluxes of text messages from five different PD’s(potential dates) a day, pick up texts from younger guys looking for a ‘cougar’ or a ‘mother figure’, and come to peace with the fact that I am currently alone because I haven’t yet found a mate that meets or excels my current requirements, I can then come to a place of quiet surrender with my existence. This is complete free will, not self-imposed isolation, and can be revoked at any time. What is the value of this, you ask?

If you can take a ‘break’ from this almost addicting need to find the ‘other’, searching under every rock and around every corner in the hopes you will bump into him or her, you may find that there is deep and satisfying gratification in taking time to fully explore ways to develop past talents that were thrown to the side while you furthered your first love’s career, take up new hobbies that you would not have been brave enough to try because a past date didn’t ‘approve’ or ‘enjoy’, and actually start to prioritize and nurture self-development. When you can take a step back from the obsession to do something to be the ‘right’ one for an ‘ex’ or even a PD, you may actually begin to enjoy life more.

Time with friends become more precious, you find the beauty in things forgotten, and actually experience a deepening and acute awareness of your senses when they are aroused because you aren’t inundated with constant stimuli.

Take a little time to read books by any of the Tibetan monks, whom many of us thought didn’t feel or experience sensually. You would be quite surprised to read some of the more personal memoirs they give after being released from prison. They expressed just how more in tune they were with emotions and feeling, having deep experiences once they were freed from their torture and allowed to live freely.

Time to yourself is crucial if you wish to develop in a way that will draw a strong, mature catch to your net. It is difficult to get quiet and let your heart speak, especially if you are a survivor of deep trauma and/or abuse. However, you must go here if you wish to attract that special ‘other’. As long as you have open emotional wounds, other people will be drawn to you with the same issues, as well as predators who can feel those weaknesses, taking advantage of your needs because they will be hard to hide.

Taking a break to be celibate because you are not desperate to find a way to make each one you meet be the ‘one’allows you to take an interested distance in getting to know someone. There is no hurry, no reason to come off as ‘needy’. You don’t have to make the date work, don’t have to pretend to like someone that obviously isn’t a good match. You know there is plenty of time, and the right one is out there. No hurry. No push. Just go easy, and walk away if it doesn’t feel right.

Remind yourself that there are 100 more where that one came from; because there ARE.

As an aside – I love gardening; especially flowering plants of beauty. My husband would always bring me lovely bouquets of flowers on my birthday and Valentine’s because he appreciated this about me. Since his wrongful imprisonment, I have not received any flowers for over three years. I have a wonderful friend that’s like a sister to me; we have known each other over 19 years. She knew I was saddened by my struggle to have my husband released, and on my birthday, out of the blue, she sent me a bouquet of flowers. I was so taken aback that it made me cry.

Because of my choice to be celibate these past several months the flowers were like special creations of the finest Japanese silk; the roses tight and full of soft petals, the iridescence of the creamy white Asian lilies emanated the most decadent and lovely scent that I hadn’t smelled in a long time. It touched me to the core of my soul to receive this gift, more than she could know. It reminded me of happier times, peaceful and loving memories, and the love of a kind, dear friend who understands that being alone doesn’t have to mean being lonely.

When you learn how to meet his needs, he’ll start counting down the minutes until he can leave work to be with you!

A man needs, craves and demands an intense attraction to his partner of choice if he is going to be fulfilled; there’s no doubt about this. Never think that just because you had a dry-panting, heart pounding sweat session that he will become unwaveringly yours.

The opposite is in fact true.

If he doesn’t call you at every chance, drive for miles to see you, go out of his way to make you notice him, then chances are you are nothing more than an appetizer while he’s deciding on his main course.

You deserve better.

Men love to be teased, enticed, and thrilled with anticipation and vibrant physical encounters; but to win his heart you must also nurture, soothe and encourage.

Finding playful ways to draw him in are key; such as provocative texts that leave him breathless, being a little dirty and daring in public – spicing up his senses with exotic scents, a variety of fabric textures, a willingness to explore and try new things, be bold.

The secret is to also maintain a direct sense of self, maintaining your independence, a reassuring voice of authority that is neither critical or demeaning, while setting clear boundaries and concise lines of communication.

In order for men to feel secure ( a must-have to be a priority), it is crucial that he knows what’s expected of him. Use short, present tense action verbs, with sentences that clearly state how valuable he is when he ‘x’ – arrives a few minutes early, tells you what his favorite foods are, helps you cook the dinner, or washes the dishes afterwards, etc. Always start your request with a descriptive compliment that praises his abilities to make you feel safe, or valued, such as “I love the way your arms flex when you carry in the groceries or the trash, or vacuum or fold clothes” – whatever.

“It makes me feel so safe when you take out the trash at night, because I feel so vulnerable going down to the end of the parking lot, driveway, etc.” A man is hard-wired to be the sole provider, and his lover to be the nurturer – so find ways to ALLOW him to do so, even if you have the more demanding career, or don’t need his income.

With our ever-changing, uncertain economic future adding stress and complexity to finding joy and peace, it is essential that we become more creative and positive in our sexual relationships. Make it your responsibility to look for the gifts your PD(potential date) has been ready to lie at your feet, and praise and re-affirm his manliness and attractiveness by calling attention to them, even if you personally may be agitated by them at first. Paying attention to where PD spends most of time will clue you in to whether he is truly worth the time to catch, instead of just settling for the first one that comes along. Especially when you are re-entering the dating scene after a bitter past.

When a man has a hectic, extensive job, often the first thing he wants to do when he comes home is to lie in front of the t.v. Yes, it aggravates us, but try a different approach. Why not sit at the end of the couch, and pay him some type of physical attention that he enjoys, like a foot or facial massage?

A face or gentle head rub is a technique that I’ve found to be very relaxing, and will also make a man more receptive to your current need or want, ie. going out to dinner, help with looking over the bills, going out later with friends.

Gentle, firm and circular motions along the middle of the scalp, palms facing downward, cupping the sides of his head while your fingers gently work his scalp along the center of his entire head, top and back, finger tips touching, will relax and soothe the places where the plates in the skull touch. These often hold tension, and are very taut; immediately relaxing at firm, gentle touch. A man’s forehead and ears also benefit from being kneaded and massaged. He will be putty in your hands after a few minutes of a complete head, forehead and ear massage, and more willing to listen to your suggestions. And, make it that – just an opportunity to see old friends, get out for a little while, get tonight’s special at his favorite restaurant – remaining open to his right to decline. Whenever he feels he has a choice, he is usually more open to agreeing to something that you enjoy.

Give him a reason to want to do these things, mainly because you notice and appreciate them. A man has to feel needed, he has to be allowed to provide for you in order to be at ease with himself and the relationship.

If you need further suggestions for softening his resistance, let me know!

On a lovely little winding road that snakes along the Blue Ridge Parkway is a quaint cottage that I pass almost daily, as it is almost next door to my home. No one lives there, which is not unusual in this area. Many chalets and small houses are vacation rentals; most sit empty or for sale due to our economy.

It looked like the perfect place for us…

As my lease is nearing a close in the coming summer, I’ve begun the arduous task of searching for something appropriate and affordable. This unusual place keeps coming to mind; I create different scenarios for how I could make the place work for us. The house is back from the road, with a long narrow yard; perfect for a small herd of goats. The back could be cleared and become a most magical garden, with place for a swing, and an arbor.

Even though I haven’t had time to investigate it on a personal basis, it is tempting to day dream about all the things I could do there, how it would be an easy move, especially as the boys are in school, how much fun it would be to decorate, etc.

In this new world of online dating, it is often quite difficult to figure out the rules
so that one has a chance at actually winning. Dating is a double-edged sword
at best; as we text or email for days on end with very little voice contact or face to face encounters.

It is easy to fall into this trap of thinking things like “he’s too busy to call”, or “he’s shy so I need to give him more time to come around”. Equally questionable is when he only wants to see you at your place or has no desire to go out once you do start dating.

I think that you are quick to catch on to signals like these, but what about the visual cues or illusion a man or woman creates through their appearance?

When we find a profile that visually stimulates us, and the PD(potential date) seems too good to be true, is terribly sexy or attractive, and says all of the ‘right’ things, it is easy to fall into the ‘daydream trap’.

In the beginning phase when we are getting to know someone, understand that PD is only showing you the very best he knows to offer, working hard to say all the things he has had success with in the past, choosing pictures that show off his best side, even old ones, whatever it takes to get you interested. During those first few days of chatting and meeting after work, it is easy to get so excited that we don’t pay attention to the actual words PD is using, or his tell-tale body language. Yet, it is crucial to our survival in the dating game to step outside of that crazy, hormonal rush and look at PD as one who is interested, yet distant. Let me explain….

After two weeks of fantasizing about all the great things I could do with the little house, I called the number on the sign by the road. It was almost a week before the owner called me back. (hint #1) She was a little clipped in her conversation, and explained that it was being sold ‘as is’, and that I would need to do any and all work after purchasing. I hung up, telling her I would check it out more tomorrow.

Well, the next day it was late, so approaching darkness, so I quickly ran over to get a closer look, and got caught up in a bramble, so just looked at the front, and came back home. I started to imagine all sorts of little potted herbs going down the steps, and rocking chairs on the porch, with some landscaped beds along the bottom of the porch, and how the goats could chew this down to the grass in no time! (I don’t have any goats now, mind you) (hint #2)

But, this is what we do as women, we are the home makers, the changers of the world, the fixers, no?

No. You must stop this notion when it comes to modern dating. You know NOTHING about this person as yet. All you know is what he is allowing you to, and if you aren’t alert and paying attention to the signs, then you only have yourself to blame when he cheats on you, doesn’t call back after getting you in the sack, or worse, has duped you into letting him move in with you and you are stuck in a crappy relationship as he is either jobless, homeless or an abusive person.

When we don’t remain a little detached in the beginning it can be hard to tell what is illusion and what is fact.

As women, we allow our minds to wander with the possibilities of what ‘could be’ or the ‘potential’ of something. However, when it comes to relationships or money, we must be more focused, clear and fully aware of what is happening between the lines. If you practice some tools I’ve learned along the way, and I will teach you in a later post, you will learn to avoid pitfalls, and how to tune in to a really great catch that may have more to him than meets the eye. Looks are definitely not the main consideration to make in determining whether to give a man who shows interest in you a chance.

As I found out when I finally took the time a week later to truly investigate the entire property, look at what was waiting once I got inside…

Don’t let your next date drag you into his illusion of being a great catch…

….a completely empty shell or something that had once been a great little place.

Many men struggle with how they can survive their relationships every day. You can change that for yours…

(continued)

So, here I stand, one hand on an open fridge door, looking in at two containers of

perfect milk, gaze intently focused on them, as if they will start talking.

“Run away, ” pleads the first one. “You will only stress her out if you take us without the other half gallon. She will freak out.”

“Go ahead,” says the other. “Yeah, you’ll have to make an extra trip, but she won’t mind when she knows you finished up school.” Sigh. I know that whatever I choose to do will cause problems, at this point, because her kids will have seen me there, and NO matter what I do, it will be wrong. As I was already out of milk, and was now here, I decided to take it and come back tomorrow for the rest. No big deal, right?

I know this may sound silly to some, but you would be amazed how many men go through this type of significant other stress EVERY day. The men feel that no matter what they try to do, it will either be misunderstood, taken the wrong way, or just be seen as completely wrong, and they will be yelled at, cause an argument, or worse. So, many of them give up, and quit trying, while others secretly plot how they will find someone else while silently continuing to taking the crap. Others are so needy that they are wiling to try anything to hold on to you.

Tuesday afternoon I go back, not even expecting her to be home, carrying the clean containers with me. I’m barely at the fridge door and she’s running down the porch steps, as jittery and flustered as always.

“But, uh, but – you came yesterday, you were already here, you got your milk!” (Oh, brother.)

“I got a gallon, yes. But, I had to come back and get the rest.”

“But, you never come on Mondays, and it wasn’t all ready. I don’t have it ready until Tuesday.” She is not yelling, but breathing fast and shallow, using jerky movements, completely flustered, and going on and on. Personally, I am amazed. What is the big deal? She’s getting my heart-rate up, I’m losing my cool because her energy is what is attacking me, the vibration she is giving off. I am losing control of my calm demeanor.

“I knew I should’ve turned around and walked away yesterday and went home. I just knew it. I was afraid it would get you all out of sorts. I should’ve waited until today. I’m sorry, I won’t do it again.” At this point, I am trying to force slower breathing, working to keep my mouth shut and find a way to quickly get this in control and get the heck out of there!

She, however, can’t let it go. She keeps going on and on about how her daughter saw me yesterday, and when I pulled up her daughter said, “but she already came, so why is she here today,” and how people come and get milk from her, and she wasn’t sure if someone else had taken the milk, etc.etc. in between this high-pitched laugh as if she were trying to laugh off her ‘confusion’, and in between my promises not to come back unless it was on the scheduled Tuesday.

How many of us do this to the men in our lives, even our kids? When we don’t stand in our authentic selves, firm in our self-love, forgiveness and acceptance, we are always uptight, anxious and miserable, unable to forgive others’ mistakes or calmly going with life’s flow, making every one around us want to run the other way.

I even down-played myself as I was going to the car, stating that I would only be back one more week, and then I wouldn’t be bothering her as she had already told me the goats had to be ‘dried off’ so their bodies can rest before being bred again…anything to safely get to the car. The whole time I’m thinking how I can start looking for a larger dairy, even with cows so I don’t have to keep going through this. And, she’s calling behind me that she didn’t have them dried off yet, that I might be able to get milk for a few more weeks…

So, what does this mean, you ask? What does this have to do with me? And, how does this help me to learn to change?

Why do you tell me to take care of him? I deserve the royal treatment…

– complaint from a new client

Yes, dear, you do. That’s what I’ve been telling you all of this time; if you want the relationship of your dreams, to be the happiest ‘you’ possible, to be satisfied, you MUST take care of you. Once you grieve the pain, learn to love yourself unconditionally, and understand your own worth, then – and only then – will you be able to draw the one to you that will treat you like the queen you deserve to me.

Rule #1 – Men can smell fear or doubt a hundred miles away.

Be it your boss, your kids or that hot new guy at the gym you are DYING to ask out, you must appear confident, in control and in charge when you are making your point. Most men I meet, especially the more powerful, rich and courageous desire a strong, calm woman.

If you talk or walk with your head lowered, attempt to get sympathy compliments because you have low self esteem (“I didn’t have time to fix my hair, sorry,” or “Does this make me look fat?”), or talk in a fast, jumbled high-pitched rush because you’re five minutes late, he will immediately realize you are insecure and use that to his advantage. One example of this is “negging”, and the man who is a bully will begin doing this to you as soon as you let on that you’re not fully aware that you are worth a million dollars.

Post mantras on all of your mirrors to repeat daily, listen to motivational cd’s in the car, practice LOA techniques such as EFT(see Tapping into Ultimate Success, by Canfield and Bruner). Remind yourself of times that you handled yourself well and hold on to that feeling when talking to that guy for the first time; it will completely change how you conduct yourself.

Rule #2 – You MUST believe in yourself before he will. Repeat after me; “I am a strong, confident woman. I deserve a man who will treat me like a queen.” Look around you at work for a great female mentor or get some local women’s magazines that champion women in your community. Subscribe to positive magazines like ‘O’ or search for articles to uplift you, like http://www.huffingtonpost.com/news/female-role-models. Keeping this energy around you will help you to resonate higher. Go places that cater to people that you wish to emulate. It WILL rub off. It doesn’t make sense to hang out at bars if you want to be like Katie Couric, or dress like Miley Cyrus if you want a job at a law firm; you get the idea.

Rule #3 – You must learn that you are valuable, and have great worth. You were loved before you were born, and even though you’ve suffered, had difficult times, even wanted to die, you DO have a purpose. It’s just a matter of finding your way. Once you learn to love you, ALL of you, anything is possible. This does NOT equate to being mean, a hard nose, or difficult. It does mean using eye contact, taking time to look nice, showing off your assets, and saying what’s on your mind in a tactful way.

Finding an authentic man has become quite the challenge;in this world of online dating and high technology, it is easy to mistrust.

We are left to rely on pictures, the vague texting, and taking a chance to – gasp – meet!

When you’re in the throes of ‘getting to know’, there are usually a ton of texts, pic exchanging and putting on your ‘best face’, trying out all types of poses, backdrops and scenery. Have no doubt, he has done the same.

So, how do we weed through the pics they send and find out if he/she’s ‘for real’?

If there is mutual interest and we begin texting, state that you’d like a

pic, right there on the spot. I don’t let him waffle, either. I will stop what I’m doing, and take a shot, sending it, and then I’ll text something like, “OK, you’re it!”

If he makes excuses, falls silent, or refuses, walk away. The end. That person is a fake, playing games, or a liar. You don’t need the drama. I have had to encourage, cajole and whine – in some cases, but it is worth it. If you don’t get a pic in 10 minutes, forget it. Either the self esteem is not there or the person is not who they made you think they are. If it is sent quickly, or you get several, you are on the right track.

I’ve pulled a few random pics off of the net to show you how I, as an intuitive relationship coach would view them.

Mr. College Campus I’d call this one, genuine, fun-loving, honest and kind. He is a little shy, but in an endearing way. See how the smile goes into the eyes? He shows his teeth, a sign of honesty and integrity, his high forehead shows intelligence, an easy going manner, and that he will be very sensual and emotional in a relationship. He is probably not the best with money, though. His eyes seem full of life, and an ability to enjoy and relax. His ears lobes show that he is a good listener, and he will remember what you say to him. Everything. A very open expression is what you look for in a good man or woman. A keeper.

The fun, not serious guy. If you are just looking for a great date who most likely will. ever amount to anything other than ‘fwb’ status, but you aren’t ready for a serious commitment either, he is perfect. Sometimes we need a date who is fun and different, someone who can lift our spirits or make us feel like a million dollars for a little while. I would not suggest thinking you could be the one to make him change his ways or settle into an exclusive relationship any time soon. A little nerdy (techno nerd), he is always ready to get his groove on, quirky and unusual in his ideas, very smart, ironic humor, who sees the world in a different sort of way. He has secrets, and is not what he seems. Opinionated, he always has to be right. Doesn’t care what anyone else thinks.

I see quite a lot of pictures like this on the dating sites. Many men who post pics like this have much they hope to hide. When a man personally chooses to use a pose like this on a dating site, he is a very private person who is most likely married or likewise attached. You don’t often see a moustache like this, unless he is a firefighter, but even that length around the mouth suggests that he is very closed off, private. Without considering that facial feature, his lack of showing teeth, the hat, and the sunglasses subconsciously indicate that he is hiding. This man loves to be extravagant, is sensual as long as it pleases him to do so, and he is selfish overall. He is a smooth talker when he tries to get his way, but is loud and overbearing, and loves to drink. Many women, unfortunately, are attracted to this type of bad boy personae, but it is not worth it if you want an authentic man.

Again, the high forehead is typically a good indication of intelligence, with only a few wrinkles in it. The full lips indicate sensuality, a wonderful kisser, and most likely an attentive lover. He jokes and laughs often, but realize he is sensitive, and a little insecure. He will do well with consistent attention and praise, becoming a devoted lover.

He couldn’t possibly be interested…could he? Being shy and timid won’t help you find out.

we’ve all done that at work before.

For days now, across the top of the cubicles you’ve caught that co-worker from the corner of your eye; who is he on

the phone with – who is he texting – then you see him glancing your way, then away, then back.

Next, there’s that slight brush-by in the elevator, or in the hall, so slight, so innocent, but you thought you’d been struck by lightning!

After your last weekly meeting, he lightly touches your arm, asking you to come by his desk to go over some suggestions in regards to that crucial point you brought up about your latest customer issues, a slight smile on his face. Do you – a. tilt your head a little in his direction, soften your gaze and say with a welcoming smile, “Sure, Ill be by in a few, as soon as I finish up my emails;”

b. Look down at his hand like it has leprosy and mumble some thing incoherent and jerk back like you were bitten like a snake

c. give him a serious look that means all business and say something like, “Don’t worry, Jim. I have it all under control. Thanks though,” and then walk off trying to look all calm and in control?

d. melt and start to drool while falling all over yourself to exaggerate how much you could use his help? “Oh, Jim, that would be so great. I don’t have any clue how to handle the Johnson account, and you have so much experience. This new account has me over my head. Would you mind?”

Well, I’ve seen and done them all in the past, and the only one that worked was a.

The problem is, most of us don’t have the confidence to do it. Why? Because we’ve been programmed over the years that men should be emasulated or beat down, and that we can’t get a man unless we trick, play hard to get or manipulate him. WRONG!

That only keeps us from enjoying relationships, or having the chance at true happiness that comes from sharing the crown with that special partner. Men need us to show our interest, to be engaging and friendly, inviting and calming. It’s part of the 3 S’s that they thrive on, and it is our duty, and a wonderfully fulfilling one at that, to create that for him.

I want to help you stop having to live in fantasies, reading empty erotica written by others,

When you make the change inside, he will be dying to do this for you…

resigned to unfulfilling relationships, and instead, give you some tools to see and touch that hot guy for yourself. You can have the relationship you want!

Getting that doesn’t have to be difficult or take years of dedicated slaving away at the gym, copying every move or outfit of your favorite movie star, and especially not by giving away a piece of your soul to every man that comes along in the hopes that he’s “the one”.

What it takes is a belief in the possibility that you deserve, and can have the best out of life, and believe that it is possible to change. Once you accept that you are worthy of the best, the other puzzle pieces will fit easily together to create the picture you want.

To help you, I’ve created a really short, FREE, listening exercise, (3 minutes)

When you feel good, you look good, and everyone will want to get close enough to find out why…

utilizing techniques learned both experientially, as well as in studies on vibronics (how the brain responds to sound). Different frequencies, tones, notes on a scale, instruments – all effect us in many ways. Mixing these with subliminal suggestion has been shown to have a powerful effect on the mind and our ability to stop or start patterns of thinking.

It is not a meditation, but an invigorating mixture of sound imbued with a variety of powerful techniques that I’ve created studying native american medicine and the Mozart effect as well as famous sound researcher Tom Kenyon. It will give you’re brain a charge, and should only be listened to with headphones or ear plugs on medium volume. It is so short it can be listened to several times a day when sitting or lying down.

It has been specially created as part of my coaching techniques to quickly change patterns deeply entrenched in the subconscious, and to give new ones in its place that are positive, uplifting, and empower you with the chance to do the things you want in life. It is a tool to help you out of that same old rut.

So, would you rather be sassy, happy, fulfilled and enjoying life, or sitting back, hoping something good comes along? Fill out the form below to receive this valuable tool, free!