Weird Polls Department: Whos
the biggest villain in cinema history? According to a
survey of the Online Film Critics Society, Darth Vader
ranks No. 1, followed by Hannibal Lecter, Norman Bates of
Psycho and Hans Gruber from
Die Hard. Others who made the top
100 list, which can be seen in its entirety at ofcs.org,
include the shark from Jaws, Hal
from 2001: A Space Odyssey, the
Wicked Witch of the West, Biff Tannen from Back
to the Future, Freddy Krueger and the
mountain men from Deliverance.

Obviously, the survey is flawed. The true top movie
villains are anyone responsible for the financing,
filming and release of The Piano,
Battlefield Earth and
A Night at the Roxbury.

Meanwhile, in other polling news, a survey by Pet
Supplies Plus found that 46 percent of dog and cat owners
plan to put their animal in a Halloween costume on Oct.
31. Of those, 32 percent plan to dress their pooch like a
devil, while 15 percent will opt for an animal angel
outfit.

Alarming Trends Bureau: More proof that
the world is in a hand basket:

-- Clothing made from shelf liner paper was recently
modeled at Bloomingdales. Well, at least if theres
a spill, it mops right up.
-- A federal judge has ruled that imitation is the
sincerest form of flatulence. He said a flatulent doll
manufactured by an Indiana company infringed on the
copyright of another companys gassy action figure,
Pull My Finger Fred.
-- Fisher-Price is coming out with a Chicken Dance Elmo
doll.
-- McDonalds is running ads featuring Donald Trump and
the restaurants character Grimace.
-- Author Joey Green has written a book that claims
Cheerios can be used to ease sunburn pain, Adolphs
Meat Tenderizer can cure back aches and Colgate
toothpaste zaps zits.
-- The owners of a Christian candy company named Sweet
Blessings say they are on a divinely inspired
mission to share their spiritual faith through candy.
After all, everyone knows that Jesus fed the 5,000 with
gummi fish and M&Ms.

Press Releases We Ignored This Week:
Botox for Your Car? Lawn
Care Book Makes Great Gift.

Going Postal: Regarding our recent item
on the various pronunciations of New Orleans, reader
Gordon G. Alexander, a self-described native of the city,
says New OR-lenz is correct. I never heard it
called the Big Easy until the movie,
he adds.

On another note, for those who didnt notice the
phrase probably apocryphal in our
recent blurb about a Montana cattle rancher installing an
ATM in his tomb, the Bozeman (Montana) Chronicle confirms
our suspicion that the tale is bogus.

However, we did goof when we said Capt. Kirk from
Star Trek would be born on March
22, 2228, in Riverside, Iowa. Richard Arnold says Kirk
will be born in 2233 and that the Riverside claim was
fabricated by a fan group in that city. Although Kirk
will be born in Iowa, no town has ever been specified,
Arnold says. On a related note, William Shatner denies
reports that he spent thousands of dollars to convert his
master bathroom into a replica of the bridge on the
Starship Enterprise.

Supermarket Tabloid Headline of the Week:
Redneck Space Aliens Raising Hell on Earth!
Theyre Rude, They Smell -- and They Fly Their
Saucers While Drinking Beer (Weekly World
News)