The Magic SOB forum is for posts of story sequences that are frequently vignette-based. Put those here while actual battle reports can go in Reports From the Field.You must talk like James T. Kirk in this forum at all times. Leonard Nimoy is fine too.

"You're lucky your Uncle is an Edler or else I would beat the living piss out of you.""You couldn't beat up my 10 year old daughter.""Listen you bitch, I'm a Bavarian marine with a confirmed kill count of 300, and only 273 were peach civilians."

"Crewmen! Rise for his majesty!"

"Yes, my Captain!"

"Doktor Spargele.""Heil, mein Kaiser.""You have captured alien specimens, yes?""Yes, a regiment of ours came in contact vith what ve have identified as pwnies. These pwnies are divided up into four main groups: Royal Autokrators, Suicidal Attack Wings, Telepathic support cavalry and frontline Aryan war pwnies."

"Yes I can see the resemblance, the long flowing blonde hair and the round cheekbones. Piltogg would agree. Release the leader, so I may parle"

"Greetings fellow Aryan, I am the King of all German peoples.""Hello there, name's Lieutenant Jappleack. Yo sprechen der deutschen!""That is unnecessary, we will speak in the tongue of our enemy. I will release you and your fellow warriors to your kingdom, however you are to take with you a message of friendship: Your people are commanded to attack ships and people who are under the banner of the Britannian Empire, signed Kaiser Klaus, King of all Aryan peoples.""You got it, Kaiser!"

"Captain Lahm, I believe you had something else you wanted to report to me.""Yes, my Lord!"

"I present to you: Captain Maximilian Emil-Mannerheim Von Klaus, who has dishonourably retreatred from battle yet has also escaped the Britannians with a precious DSM artifakt."

"Ahh yes, Von Klaus. I have heard of your cowardice, and have been wanting to end your miserable life."

"However.."

"I have decided to give you a chance to prove your honour and loyalty. Take my sword."

"Crewmen! Take these."

"Now, you two crewmen are to kill the coward and return my blade to me. Von Klaus, you are to defend your life and keep my sword a heroic item."

"Begin."

"We got this, let's kill this coward, Tjaden."

"So you're calling me a coward too?"

"Ahaha, your fat old ass broke the table."

"Your blade mein Kaiser."

"That was well-struck, Captain. You have earned your honour back."

"Kaiser, there's still something I haven't told you. I may have allied Great Bavaria with the TLA.""I know, and while they are still a democracy they are lead by a true warrior."

"Your orders Captain are to teleport back to President Bob and give him this, the chain of command. It is fashioned with Krupp steel and is tipped with the Hammerman's cudgel. You are going to suggest that he uses it to beat people who do not follow his orders or agree with his opinions."

Everything about this is awesome. I was kind of expecting an Alien Resurrection style escape scene for the Pwnies, I just couldn't decide which one would get killed so the other two could use the acidic Pwny blood to break out.

Arkbrik wrote:The Bavarians dare ally with the pwnies? Truly they are a courageous people.

It's mainly a bid for power. Many Third Alliance Nations such as Free Prussia, The RIN, the Trattorian Empire and what is left of Avalon despise pwnies for their legions of neckbeard followers. However because Piltogg expresses an interest in these creatures and because they are part of a monarchy and show Aryan racial traits they are fit for a formal alliance. Piltogg could see this as being progressive and forward and maybe Klaus moves up on the chain of command.

Colette wrote:Where is RobotMonkey when you need him?

Yeah, I'd be dead if he was still Uberkaiser.

Theblackdog wrote:Bob's gonna love his new weapon. Nice Von Klaus minifig, I'll have to see about updating mine when I get home. I guess he didn't shave during his rocket ride, though...

And pwnies have spaceships? Since when? Or can Kamikazi Pwnies just fly in space?

Thanks. Princess Killestia and Princess Tuna can manipulate their entire solar system into a giant war machine. Also I was thinking teleportation and portal warfare so that the other pwnies can share in the slaughter. You've got to share. You've got to care.

stubby wrote:Everything about this is awesome. I was kind of expecting an Alien Resurrection style escape scene for the Pwnies, I just couldn't decide which one would get killed so the other two could use the acidic Pwny blood to break out.

Thanks, and I regret not thinking clearly enough about the Pwnies' blood. My first idea was to have them escape after the Captain discovered that they could be made into deliciously sugary horse steaks.

Even Trattoria's most conservative and senior diplomats are incensed by this abhorrent behavior on the part of the Bavarians. If further collaboration with the pónies occur, Trattoria will be forced to gather allies such as Prussia, the RIN, the Briktoid Automata, and Luchardsko to begin a war of expulsion of Bavaria from the Third Alliance.

Colette wrote:Even Trattoria's most conservative and senior diplomats are incensed by this abhorrent behavior on the part of the Bavarians. If further collaboration with the pónies occur, Trattoria will be forced to gather allies such as Prussia, the RIN, the Briktoid Automata, and Luchardsko to begin a war of expulsion of Bavaria from the Third Alliance.

I meant this to be a secret alliance btw, but I'll assume you assumed by Trattorian spies or something.

You dare challenge the founding nation of the Third Alliance?! As the Grand First Kaiser of Otto Von Bavaria before me, I will vanquish you traitorous dogs. I challenge the nation of Trattoria to a war of two nations like the days of old Deutschland. Should you lose this war and admit defeat like the inferior dogs you are I will take whatever I want from your nation. Should you win, you shall take whatever you want from Bavaria-Fynnlund.

If you refuse this honourable fight I will have no choice to ask the Uberkaiser for help as will as my faithful allies, the Briktoid Automata.

Colette wrote:Even Trattoria's most conservative and senior diplomats are incensed by this abhorrent behavior on the part of the Bavarians. If further collaboration with the pónies occur, Trattoria will be forced to gather allies such as Prussia, the RIN, the Briktoid Automata, and Luchardsko to begin a war of expulsion of Bavaria from the Third Alliance.

I meant this to be a secret alliance btw, but I'll assume you assumed by Trattorian spies or something.

You dare challenge the founding nation of the Third Alliance?! As the Grand First Kaiser of Otto Von Bavaria before me, I will vanquish you traitorous dogs. I challenge the nation of Trattoria to a war of two nations like the days of old Deutschland. Should you lose this war and admit defeat like the inferior dogs you are I will take whatever I want from your nation. Should you win, you shall take whatever you want from Bavaria-Fynnlund.

If you refuse this honourable fight I will have no choice to ask the Uberkaiser for help as will as my faithful allies, the Briktoid Automata.

OOC: I would accept the challenge if I had actual time to do a war and battles nowadays. Do you have a plan as to how to do this?

Allthough personally I would prefer to ally with the one known as "discord" and enslave the penis races for our general amusement. Much like the "elves" of old, the will be forced to sing us songs and to dance around and perhaps to race each other or something. Such uses could greatly bolster troop moral aye?

Whether this is done under the pretext of "friendship" or by force is really quite irrelevant and could be left up to the individual commanders.

Edit: friendship is probably easyer and is the preferred akkadian methodology.

also consider: The terror in our enemies eyes as they are cut down by pretty pink penises!!