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2014 Infiniti QX80

I’ve got five bikes, an old muscle car – and lots of guns. Some people will sneerily say I don’t need these things. They’re the same people who get all upset and control-freaky about large (and loaded) SUVs like the Infiniti QX80. It’s too big. It uses too much gas. It’s ostentatious…

It’s none of their damned business.

We all have a fondness for something or other that’s objectively in excess of what we need. It might be food. It might be fun. It might be old muscle cars – or guns.

So what?

Since when did some other person’s notion of our needs become the standard for acceptable?

So long as you’re paying the bills – and not hurting anyone else along the way – whatever floats your boat.

Right?

Unfortunately, the Q – like guns, like fun – is on the endangered species list. Because Americans – too many Americans – no longer believe that other people’s fun – other people’s freedom – is none of their got-damned business.

Dear Leader Obama, for instance, probably sealed the death warrant of machines like the Q when he signed into law the federal edict that will require all vehicles – including trucks and SUVs – to average 35.5 MPG two model years from now. He believes you don’t need a big SUV, you see. Though of course he will continue to enjoy being driven around in them.

A Prius or SmartCar is not in his future.

The government’s fuel economy fatwa will double just a few years later to more than 50 MPG – average. If the Q and others like it still exist by then, they will be incredibly expensive, courtesy of all the special, punitive “gas guzzler” taxes that will be spitefully piled on.

All because your fellow Americans seem to agree with Dear Leader that no one needs a machine like this. Just wait till they decide no one really needs more than 800 square feet of living space… or more than one vehicle…

End of rant – commence review.

WHAT IT IS

The QX80 (formerly Q56) is a super-sized, ultra-luxury SUV. 400 hp V-8. Seventeen feet long. Eight-passengers in three rows of seats. Six thousand-plus pounds at the curb.

Sort-of competitors include the more demure – and physically smaller – Lexus LX570 and the similarly sizable and also aesthetically aggressive but more street-minded (because AWD, without Low range gearing) Cadillac Escalade.

Personally, I liked Q56 better. Because it made more sense. The QX prefix formerly indicated a 4×4 SUV – and 56, of course, referenced the 5.6 liter V-8 that’s standard equipment in this heavy-hitter. Now it’s “QX80″ – even though the engine is not 8.0 liters (it’s the same 5.6 V-8 as before).

The “80 ” is just a way to indicate biggest – and mostest (that is, top-of-the-line).

Mid-sixxes to 60 – a full second quicker than the $15k more (to start) Lexus LX570.

Real 4WD with Low range and a two-speed transfer case. Goes where the AWD-only Caddy can’t.

No seat belt buzzer.

Damn the sans culottes.

WHAT’S NOT SO GOOD

A front end inspired by the Guild Navigator from the movie, Dune?

Maneuvering this dreadnought in parking lots designed for Camrys is no walk in the park.

Tepid seat heaters.

UNDER THE HOOD

Every Q comes standard with a 5.6 liter, 400 hp V-8 teamed up with a seven speed automatic that features rev-matching downshifts (as in the Nissan 370Z sports car).The LX570 and Escalade only come with six-speed automatics – and no rev-matching downshifts.

You can go RWD – or 4WD.

Real 4WD – with a two-speed transfer case and Low range gearing, controlled by a rotary knob on the center console. The transmission also has Snow and Tow modes, controlled by buttons adjacent to the rotary knob controller for the 4WD.

The RWD version can get to 60 in about 6.7 seconds or so; the heavier 4WD version still makes the cut under 7.

This is a fierce run for a beast this big – and this heavy. It’s also quicker than the less powerful (383 hp) Lexus LX570 – which does the zero to 60 run in about 7.5 seconds.

The Q is also speedier than the slightly more powerful (403 hp) Caddy Escalade, which also needs about 7.5 seconds to reach 60.

Naturally, this energetic performance entails energetic fuel consumption: 14 city, 20 highway. Which actually is not bad – at least, relative to competitors. The LX570, for example, rates 12 city and 17 highway, despite being smaller – and slower.

The Cadillac Escalade comes in at 14 city, 18 highway.

Interestingly, the EPA figures are the same for both the RWD and the 4WD Q. Usually – typically – the 4WD version of a truck or SUV is considerably thirstier.

In this case, it’s not.

Max tow capability is 8,500 lbs. – a bit more than the Caddy (8,300 lbs.) and a lot more than the LX570 (7,000 lbs.)

The Q expects premium fuel – but you can use the cheaper stuff without hurting anything.

ON THE ROAD

Where’s the beef?

It’s there – in abundance – but mostly, you don’t notice it.

This is the most obvious difference, driving-wise, between the Q and other super-sized (three-row) sport-utilities. It not only accelerates more swiftly than most cars (with the rev-matching downshifts of the seven-speed automatic adding to the ambiance of athleticism) it also takes curves at higher-than-legal speeds without making you feel reckless and stupid for doing it.

You can lean pretty hard on the Q and not put yourself at risk of toppling it over.

Part of the reason for this is Infiniti’s Hydraulic Body Motion Control – an option the Q I tested had (it’s part of the $4,100 Deluxe Touring Package, which is also includes a 22 inch wheel/tire package). It tamps down body roll during cornering by pumping up the suspension on the outside of the corner you’re entering, to compensate for the lateral forces on all that high-riding bulk.

The system works – and more, it works with subtlety.

In other SUVs, handling deficits are dealt with reactively – via the sudden (and sometimes, alarming) intervention of the stability/traction control system. You feel – and hear – the system pumping the brakes, the throttle being dialed back. The little yellow TCS light flashes frantically in the gauge cluster.

In the Q, you just drive on.

You have to be really pouring the coals to it for the stability control to step in.

This makes for a more pleasant – and confidence-inspiring – driving experience.

The 22 inch wheels and short sidewall performance tires (also available as a stand-alone option for $2,300) surely help the handling but surprisingly, don’t kill the ride quality. This is most definitely not par for the course. I have driven many new vehicles with 20-plus-inch wheels and almost all of them ride like leaf-sprung, solid-axle Willys Jeeps.

But not the Q.

The 22 inch tires do have some downsides, though. I checked around online and found that the standard 20 inch tires (OE replacement) cost in the neighborhood of $220 each. The 22 inch tires surely cost more – and because they’re performance-minded (compound as well as short sidewall) probably won’t last very long before they need to be replaced. I’d be surprised if they last for more than about two years and about 25,000 miles.

Another thing to bear in mind is these meats are not the hot ticket for off-road duty. It’s a compromise to be aware of if you need your Q to deal with other-than-paved situations. Good tires matter as much as a good 4×4 system. Or more accurately stated, a good 4×4 system is only as good as the tires it’s working through.

AT THE CURB

Looks are, as the saying goes, in the eye of the beholder. To me, the Q is a bit on the bulbous and melty-looking side . . . on the outside. That massive prow. Some incongruous styling affectations, such as the side vents on the front fenders. I guess they felt they needed to do something to break up all those acres of metal. When you look over the undulating hood from the driver’s seat, you can almost visualize a blow hole . . .

But the main thing – the desirable thing for a vehicle of this type – is the footprint, physical as well as psychological. Thus, size is accentuated – not toned down. Everything from the 22 inch wheels up seems deliberately intended to convey massiveness, without apology. You will be noticed, feared – and perhaps loathed, too.

Imagine being the driver of a not-so-SmartCar and finding yourself suddenly in the looming shadow of a Q. You’ll want to scuttle off to the side, like a dinghy in the wake of Titanic. Of course, that’s part of the politically incorrect fun of owning something like the Q: To be large – and in charge.

And the Q is very large.

About seventeen and a half feet (208.3 inches) stem to stern – which makes it about a foot longer than the Lexus LX570 (196.5 inches). Even the standard-bearing ship-of-the-line, the Cadillac Escalade, only tapes out at 202.5 inches (you can up the ante, size-wise, by selecting the extended wheelbase version of the Escalade. It measures 222.9 inches – longer than a ’70 Buick Electra 225!)

Still, it’s hard to get bigger. Which brings up an important point:

It’s a good idea to measure the length (and width and height) of your garage before you buy a vehicle like this.

All the vehicles in this general category have three rows of seats, but the Q can seat eight people – which is one more than than the usual seven. Access to the back seat area is made easier by such things as an available automatic second-row tilt/fold controlled by the driver via a pair of buttons on the front console. This is in addition to the automatic fold-stow for the third row, controlled by switches in the tailgate area.

Cargo capacity with all seats up is 16.6 cubes, slightly more than the Lexus LX (15.5 cubes) and dead heat with the regular wheelbase Caddy Escalade (16.9 cubic feet).

The interior is trimmed out elegantly. Highlights include etched mesh background gauges, the numerals backlit and hidden until you push the ignition button – at which point they come alive with an electro-phosphorescent glow. Every panel is soft-touch, accented by chrome here, wood inlays there.

You can order a rearseat entertainment system with individual LCD monitors built into the headrests, the nav system is voice-command and there’s a really neat perimeter/split-screen camera system that not only shows you what’s behind you but also what’s to the sides of you – all at the same time. The 15 speaker Bose stereo that comes with the Deluxe Touring Package is superb.

THE REST

I am not a fan of the optional blind-spot/lane departure warning system. It would false trigger – with audible warning – just driving along without another car anywhere in sight. Road berms or trees too close to the road would do it – fooling the proximity sensors into believing another vehicle was in the blind spot. Luckily, it can be turned off. Unluckily, you have to turn it off every time you start the Q.

Just a minor annoyance.

Also: There’s a slightly audible dieseling sound coming from the direct-injected engine. They all do this, though – not just the Q, not just Infinitis. Anything with DI. But you can’t hear it with windows up and doors closed. It’s only noticeable when you’re standing outside the running vehicle. It’s a small annoyance worth putting up with. Because without DI, the Q’s gas mileage would probably be around 9 MPG – instead of mid-teens.

I love that the Q – like all Infinitis (and all Nissans) does not beep at you if you haven’t “buckled up for safety.”

Just a red light on the dash, that’s it.

Objectively, the main disadvantage to Q ownership is close-quarters maneuvering. Most parking spots (and parking lots) are designed for Camry-sized cars, which can make for a tight squeeze when you’re driving something that’s almost two feet longer than a Camry.

You’ll also be a target of opportunity for the affluence/fun/freedom haters out there. Expect to be cut-off by angry Prius drivers – and flipped the bird, too.

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11 comments for “2014 Infiniti QX80”

bt

October 19, 2013 at 10:19 am

Enjoyed your reviews. Thanks for posting same.
Like you, I HATE that damm seat belts buzzers.
Reason, I DO NOT BUY Fords, is that they are shoving those buzzers down the drivers throats, like they do the info-entertainment junk. I do not need to be harassed into putting on my seat belts.. It should be MY CHOICE, not the car companies. DO away with the Buzzers, period. Lights would be better.
Also, no tickets for adults for not wearing seat belts, etc. It is just a revenue process. Nothing about safety. Take away the tickets and see how many safety stops they would make.
What I would like to see brought back on autos: are battery and oil pressure gauges. More than just one sun visor for driver and passenger. It is a safety thing on a bright sunny day. Day and Night Mirrors, sure make night driver safer. { GM got their act together on temp and compass in their mirrors, I must say.} Ever try to get them on some Honda and other makes and models?
Locking gas tank doors on Trucks and SUVs… they have stop adding them, lately on some SUVs. With the price of gas, they all should have a locking gas door!

Now, now, Eric, as the resident Prius-o-phile, I must take issue with that “flipping off” remark. Never, nunca, not once, have I flipped off a (properly-driven) SUVWhale I’ve been passed by. I have, on the contrary, been flipped off, or at least flippantly treated, by the gas-guzzling monstrosities that prowl the local tarmac. If anyone seems to have a case of the arse, as it were, it seems to be those whose fill-ups cost three figures and occur more frequently!
If I need to burn gas, I can do it with my two V-10s! An old Dodge Ram (cast iron) and my Viper (aluminiumium).
Heh…

Funny you should say that Jean. At first glance the nose and instrument cluster looks like they stole it from an early 50’s version of those Buicks’ and Oldsmobiles’. Just add some vertical chrome strips, a chrome 737 jetliner on the hood and we are there.

I like it better then the Ford van conversion called an Excursion. The Aspen and Vail crowds now have a new ride when they depart the Learjet.

It’s hard to imagine what cars — and especially SUVs — will look like when the 50-mpg standard goes into effect. The pic of Dear Leader in the trike probably isn’t far off the mark. I’m guessing that big SUVs like this will disappear, except for luxury models. Will Infiniti be high-end enough, I wonder? Possibly. But I feel bad for average joes — parents with large families, or small businessmen who have to haul a lot of stuff around — who rely on Chevy Suburbans and such today.

‘target of fun/freedom haters’- My ’86 K5 (M1009) was keyed by some greenie bike rider while parked in a trendy area in chicago (near milwaukee/north/damen ave intersection for those in the know) while I was looking for food…It was parked there for about 10 minutes before that happened. The scratch was barely noticable among all the other rust holes, branch, and rock scratches from wheeling, but I know it wasn’t there before, and had brass scrapings in it. I know every scratch on that truck because I put wax in the small paint chips to keep rust from spreading. Clearly the biker did it quick and got out of there not wanting to meet the owner. I almost need to put greenie camo on the truck in the form of a ‘biodiesel powered’ sign in the rear window when I go there these days