I can see it now. It’s Christmas morning and little Jimmy sneaks down the stairs at 3 am hoping that Santa has already been there to deliver his presents. And what does he see? Is it Mommy kissing Santa underneath the mistletoe? No.. it’s Mommy staring at the tree, with the lights twinkling in her eyes as she stares at this beautiful addition to the branches:

“Mommy? Why are you staring at a man about to devour an anorexic-looking woman’s face?”

(Jimmy is very advanced for a 4 year old- knowing terms like “anorexic” & “devour”)

Oh Jimmy.. Mommy is a Twilight fan. That means Mommy’s Christmas tree will have an ornament with a scared-virgin version of Bella (in a quite beautifully replicated wedding dress, I might add) with a figurine of Edward who really looks like he wants a human snack. Someday you’ll understand little Jimmy. Someday in 25 years when you meet the woman of your dreams, Twilight is going to make a come back– and your girl will be lost staring at a figurine dangling from the branches of a pine some Christmas morning.

Cause That’s Normal.

I mean, sorta.

Love,
UnintendedChoice

HELLO: For some reason (and that reason was probably wine) a few people got the impression from this letter that we still haven’t shared the REAL reason we were together in LA last week. My bad. The real reason was seeing a few Breaking Dawn Part 2 Clips & chatting with Bill Condon. Sorry to disappoint since we already told you about that! But I didn’t want you to hold your breath (you’ve been doing that for 5 days now, right?) and think something MORE was coming. We will be able to talk more about that someday soon.. but that time is not now. Now is the time to dream of that sweet day in December (or maybe early November if I’m on top of it this year) when I can hand my new Twilight ornament on my Christmas tree)

Oh we FOUND IT at The Twilight Lexicon! Where there is a link to even more pictures (I think) if you really can’t wait until you can get this yourself at Hallmark.

I had every intention of writing you a letter letting you know I was a little preoccupied with last minute online Christmas shopping & then bill paying (really, Am Ex? Your due on CHRISTMAS EVE?) that I completely forgot to write you a real letter, but then I went into our inbox and read a few recent emails and decided to start a new blog series (content is tough these days, you see) since I have nothing better to do with my time like, say, go to bed, clean my house, or, hey, talk to Mr. Choice… Anyway, it’s called:

Things I wish I could say

In today’s episode, here are a few recent e-mails we/Twilight received & the things I WISH I could say back:

I just wanted you to know that even though I absolutely LOVE the twilight series I will NEVER go see any of the movies ever again. Sunday I took my 11 year old daughter and nephew to see it. My daughter ended up having a seizure during the birthing scene. It was terrifying for us and everyone in the theater! She is absolutely terrified now and doesn’t sleep. I am outraged that knowing these scenes have caused numerous people to have seizures and you still allow the movie to play in the theater. I guess money is everything. my email address is (insert crazy person email address) an x-fan Nancy*

Really, Nancy? REALLY? First of all, did you know you TEXTED that email to us with your ‘neato’ Virgin Mobile phone that seems to call texts “PXTs?” Second of all, you took your eleven year old to see a PG-13 movie? And are pissed that it wasn’t age-appropriate? And the birthing scene was SO terrifying it caused SEIZURES for multiple people? It actually terrified your daughter into a seizure? I hope after her “seizure” you took her to the Doctor who informed you that either #1: She was just a scared 11 year old who saw a movie she should have never seen or #2 She has a serious condition that has nothing to do with a birth scene from a movie. But you left out the most important thing in my email: what did your nephew think?

hi i am a huge fan of your movis and i love taylor lantner oh taylor e-mail me crazyperson@crazyperson.com or go to my website crazyperson.com can u com to my brithday sleep over i am 16 teen years old please com oh can u try to find a boyfriend ………………..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 rachel

If you’re 16, and the future of America, I’m scared. Hold me. Please. Not because you love Twilight. I love Twilight. Not because you love Taylor Lautner. I don’t, but I get it. But because you spell “come” as “com” (well, it could be worse) and you included a link to your “website” which was NOT actually a real website. and you still have sleepovers. And spell sixteen as 16teen. Actually… on a second read.. you might be brilliant. Because of this very line “Oh can u try to find a boyfriend…….” Even SHE KNOWS Taylor’s little secret!!

Write. Another. Book please they are addicting -Darya

Okay. I. Will.

No seriously we get 1 line emails demanding Stephenie write another book all.the.time. What are people thinking?

There are no videos in the post, so you can just mute your computer today! HOORAY!

Dear Unintendedchoice, Themoonisdown and LTTers,

Never trust a girl with crazy eyes, nor let her blog

I know what you must be thinking: who let Brookelockart get control of the blog? After deciding that I wanted to throw a surprise blog party, I spent the last two weeks cracking passwords (hint: has to do with Robsten, magicness and Bella’s birthday). So folks, spike your coffee and raise a glass to three fabulous years of laughter, tears and images that will never leave you (two words: Snail Penis).

As part of the anniversary surprise, I reached out to regulars and some old time friends who jumped at the chance to reminisce about our favorite LTT posts (I may have also promised some punch and pie.)

Please introduce yourselves and when did you start reading LTT/LTR?

Read_or_sleep: Summer 2009Cazza: March 2009PlaneFriend: Reading Since: About 5 seconds after this post. When I saw Stephenie was going to have fansites interview her, I decided to go looking at the fansites. All the others I just glanced at, read a page or two, and never went back to again. Within days, I was reading most of the LTT backlogs…realized I knew UC a few weeks later, started writing for y’all occasionally, and the rest in history.Stacey: March 2010LonestarKendall: March 2009Rachel B, formerly GriffsSayWhat: Winter 2009Alice_NaA – Bella_NaA : A long long time ago, when palatial pads and hot pocket fortresses where yet to be built, Summit was not to blame, TomStu still shaved, Bobbygee shared his wisdom, AmanDUH was working her living room corners, the Pattinson pants were in style, and Oregano was not just an Italian herb.superhumanmoron: January 2009MrsKowski: I’ve been reading since March of 2009. The post that started it all for me was the “This is how you found us? Vol. 2” it was linked on NewMoonMovie.org – my world has not been the same since I made the decision to click on that link.Snowwhitedrifted: January 2010Janetrigs: February 2009Allryans: April 2009, actually since THIS post.Operarose: August 2009TeamSeth: September 16, 2009

Well, I guess this is what happens with an open ended question. For the record, I’ve been reading since March 2009.

We know that LTT gave laugh lines to Stephenie Meyer, what posts made you screen spray your drink while reading?

worse when it comes out your nose

PlaneFriend: I laughed so hard while reading this post that I flatout cried, no joke. I mean, Barbies in lingerie? Blacking out a Barbie’s girl parts? Flipping hilarious.Stacey: This is an old one, but one of the first that I read that made me laugh so hard that it woke up the baby I was nursing at 2 A.M and made him start crying. So while that won’t help me win mother of the year, that post did bring some fun at actually being awake at 2 A.M.Rachel B: I really loved seeing all the funny stuff people thought up for this contest, even though I was not creative enough to think of anything! And, at the time the “imma let you finish” was ALL the rage!!Bella_NaA: Oooh, the Imma-contest. Endless fun we had with that one. There were some really, REALLY good entries, including the one that Gil Birmingham ended up tweeting about!Mrskowski: I think a memorable screen spray post was the “Ok …we gotta discuss it …it’s time” post – can you believe I’d never seen Last Tango in Paris before this post? …I could have probably answered this same question with any LTT Mailbag post or any My Twilight Confessions post as well – I die at all of them.SWD: Breaking dawn BarbiesJanetrigs: The epic Calliope (@CalliopeBlabs) , UC and Moon Break Down of the New Moon trailer and we learned that Tweed is indeed Serious.Operarose: Any of the posts with responses to letters LTT received from Twi fans who thought to the cast or Stephenie. I love the equal parts biting sarcasm, snark and sometimes sweetness involved in UC & Moon’s responses to the rather confused fans. Example

Cry Baby

Those certainly bring back lots of memories, also some inappropriate laughing at work. On the flip side, which post made you cry more than Eric Yorkie in New Moon?

Read_or_sleep: I have nothing coming up from memory. Obviously I am a cruel, heartless person.PlaneFriend: This post because I want to read a Leah sequel THAT badly. Truly, I have a ridiculous affinity for Leah. I want to get inside her head. I want to see her puke over the pedophile Jake-Nessie imprinting. I want her to fall for someone other than Sam!Lonestarkendall: Just another example of how Twi brought us LTT/LTRs together across the country, supporting one another and making us laugh.Alice_NaA: Don’t remember the exact post, but at the time of our twidiction high, every post reminding us that the twilight-period will come to an end, made us sad.Bella_NaA: And now, every post that reminds us how LTT has become so much more than a funny blog about Twilight but also a place where we have made new friends!SHM: I can’t think of one in particular. Usually the ones that talk about all the friendships made through LTT. And we all sing “Friends are Friends Forever”.MrsKowski: it’s a toss up between “Twilight Moments that have shaped us” and about Leghitch2010SWD: Well, this one was emotional for me, because I did the shirts. It’s AWESOME to see them on you all!!Janetrigs: Freya describes how we all feel, in that LTR/LTT has brought us all together as friends.Operarose: MidnightCyn’s story. Probably one of the most unforgettable stories I’ve ever read, anywhere, period. I was so inspired that Twilight helped distract her from a difficult time in her life.TeamSeth: Same post as above. This is one of the first posts I read, and I thought every Thursday was a tear jerker (due to post title). Luckily that wasn’t the case, but this will always be the most teardrops are fallin’ down my cheek post and same goes for its comments. But what makes it even more tear-jerker to look back on is that Cyndi DID go see New Moon, even though she didn’t think it was a possibility.

While Moon & I were together in LA, we were asked by the girls at Twilight Series Theories to join them & a few other fansites in a podcast sponsored by Yahoo! There were panels discussing favorite moments of the series, what we’re looking forward to in Breaking Dawn and Twilight Trivia brought to you by Moon & UC.

Wondering if one of us held an apple (YOU know the way) for the contestant to grab when they knew the right answer? Yep. Of course we did that.

Oh and Boo Boo Stewart was there. We made Mr. Choice tweet while we were trivia-ing it up, and I think he thought it was Justin Bieber.

Enjoy!

(No I can’t tell you when we come in because I’m too 1st-hand embarrassed to listen to ourselves! We are RIGHT in the beginning & then close to the end)