The Hmong and the Secret War

Monday, April 21, 2014

A Hmong wedding is a time of celebration as two
families unite. It is usually an entire weekend celebration that begins and
ends at the groom’s house. It is a long but joyous occasion for the families
and the couple.

Before a wedding is set according to customs and
traditions, the groom has already taken the bride home for a few days. A quick
ritual welcoming her into the family blesses the arrival of the bride. The
groom’s side of the family would send some elders as representatives to the
bride’s parent’s house a few days later and inform her parents that their
daughter is safe with their “son”. When the representatives are sent to the
bride’s parent’s house, they bring some form of tobacco and refreshment as
appreciation and the start of a new relationship amongst the two families.

Depending on the families, the wedding can take
place right away, or when the bride’s parents decide on a date. The first
wedding ceremony takes place at the groom’s parents’ residence. A feast is
prepared as elders, relatives, and friends of the groom’s side come to
congratulate them. As the first feast is coming to an end, the bride, along
with the green lady (maid of honor) chosen from the groom’s side, are clothed
into traditional Hmong attire before they head over to the bride’s parents’
house. The wedding party that arrives at the bride’s parents’ house consists of
the bride, groom, green lady, best man, and two to four elder representatives
on the groom’s behalf.

The arrival of the wedding party begins the
second feast with the negotiation of the bridal price. The bridal price is the
assurance that the groom and his side of the family will take care of the bride
and thank her parents for her upbringing. The negotiation process can last a
few hours as different factors are taken into place, such as: ex-girlfriends
and boyfriends, if the groom has done anything that was unacceptable or wrong
to the bride’s side of the family, and history among the two families that may
conflict their future life.

When a negotiation has been settled, the groom’s
side pays the dowry of the bride and the second feast continues. The second
feast is the most important part of the wedding, for the groom shows his
respect for the bride and her family as he and the best man bow to every
immediate and close male from her side. This is also the time the groom, best
man, and representatives build a strong relationship with the bride’s family.
Drinks are passed around among the men in the room, especially to the groom and
the best man, blessing and welcoming the new relationship formed.

Strings are tied onto the hands of the bride,
groom, best man and green lady along with gifts given to them. The strings tied
on the bride and groom are offered with words of wisdom and encouragement of their
new life and the strings tied on the best man and green lady are tied to
support and take care of the bride and groom.

As the men are at the table building the new
relationship and giving respect, the green lady is like a bodyguard and spy of
the bride. The green lady ‘s job is to follow the bride wherever she goes and
makes sure that the bride does not run away, cheat, or meet with any old
boyfriends that may come to interject the wedding. From personal experience,
being the green lady is not the overbearing snitch a lot of people envision her
to be. The green lady is mainly there just to help the bride with the work that
is being done to prepare the feast and to make sure she has all of her things
when returning back to the groom’s parents’ house.

As the wedding party leaves the bride’s parents’
house, they return with gifts given to the new couple from the bride’s parents
and relatives. The arrival and last feast at the groom’s parents’ house is a
celebratory party to end the wedding, as the bride has officially become their
daughter-in-law (nyab).

Traditional Hmong weddings have been adapted to
fit the generations now. In some cases, some or none of the traditions or
customs is adapted in the weddings. The variation of how the wedding is
conducted depends on the groom’s family as the bride becomes a part of his
family/clan and is no longer part of her parent’s family/clan.

Hmong funeral ceremonies are a time of mourning
and celebrating the deceased’s life. Funerals vary and can range from three to
twelve days, depending on the individual and other variables. For traditional
Hmong families, the funeral process is longer and more complex than the Hmong
families who have converted into Christianity.

Traditional Hmong funeral process consists of:

·The sacrificial
animal ceremony

·The beating of the
Hmong drum

·Playing of the Hmong
flute

·The sacred song

·The deceased dressed
in traditional Hmong attire

·Burning of incenses
and paper money

All are used to help guide the deceased to
his/her ancestors in the spirit world. The descendants of the deceased usually
prepare the sacrificial animal ceremony, as they provide enough to feasts the
guests who come to pay homage towards the decease. As the funeral is taking
place, the descendants are called upon to take incense and bow to the deceased.
The incense bowing is used to help send the deceased off to the other world and
reflect on when the deceased was still alive with them. Descendants hold
many responsibilities, as they also are to fold paper money that would later be
lit for the deceased. The burning of the paper money is so the deceased would
have money to take care of him/herself in the spirit world.

During the ceremonial process, an immediate
female family member is alongside guarding the deceased’s casket at all times
to ensure that nothing happens. Because there have been stories of people
attending funerals to go and take the soul or bodily parts of the deceased, a
family member is stationed as a watch guard of guests that go to view the
deceased in the open casket.

On the final day before the burial has taken
place, the shaman along with an individual who plays the Hmong flute known as
the “qeej” will lead the deceased’s spirit out of the funeral home to join
his/her ancestors. The shaman tosses two horns against the wall to determine
whether or not the deceased will leave for the spirit world, this process must
be repeated until the two horns both face up, indicating that the deceased’s
spirit is leaving on its journey to the spirit world. The deceased is usually
said to be riding a black horse to join his/her relative in the after-life. The
truth is that the black horse that the deceased rides to join his/her ancestors
is the horse of death that sends the decease, as some describe it, into the
pits of hell.

The adopted Christian Hmong funerals are much
simpler when compared to the traditional ones. Not only is it simpler, but also
the representation of the process sends a different meaning. In a Christian
Hmong funeral, the ceremony also takes three days, but does not last the full
24 hours a day and the deceased is dressed in all white or the color of the
family’s preference. Each day is broken up into sessions of church services
that are dedicated to remembering the deceased. Unlike traditional funerals,
the doors are locked up each night as family and guests leave and reopened the
following morning. The process is to hope and be wishful that the deceased is
led to the gates of heaven rather than down into hell.

The beliefs of the Hmong people have varied
among families, causing the customs and traditions to change. Hmong funerals
are construed differently, being polar opposites from traditional to Christian
adaptation.