This Memorial Day I thought it would be appropriate to point out a select few losses we as Americans have suffered over the years.

…BOOKS

For the first time ever, a good reason for burning books has actually been discovered. After trying unsuccessfully to find a taker for more than 20,000 used books, a bookstore owner in Kansas City, Missouri decided to hold public burnings of the books as a form of protest. Seems not even the Goodwill or Salvation Army would take the books off his hands, siting the fact that nobody’s buying anymore. Said one customer who saved a few tomes from the flames, “”I think given the fact it is a protest of people not reading books, it’s the best way to do it. (Wayne has) made the point that not reading a book is as good as burning it.”

…Common Sense

Over the weekend, Biblical literalist Ken Ham’s Answers In Genesis foundation opened the “Creation Museum” in Petersburg, Kentucky. Ham’s AIG foundation, under the slogan “Upholding the authority of the Bible from the very first verse”, is dedicated to providing a fundamentalist perspective on every aspect of life, from explaining dinosaurs to the earth being a mere 6,000 years old as opposed to the widely held perception that our humble planet is in fact over 2 billion years old.
“Exhibits show the Grand Canyon took just days to form during Noah’s flood, dinosaurs coexisted with humans and had a place on Noah’s Ark, and Cain married his sister to people the earth, among other Biblical wonders.”

…America As The Flagship of Honest Government

While it has been many years since the CIA declassified its “Operation Northwoods” files, what better time than Memorial Day to take note of some of the gems that were in this Top Secret U.S. government operation.

“In the early 1960s, America’s top military leaders reportedly drafted plans to kill innocent people and commit acts of terrorism in U.S. cities to create public support for a war against Cuba.

Code named Operation Northwoods, the plans reportedly included the possible assassination of Cuban émigrés, sinking boats of Cuban refugees on the high seas, hijacking planes, blowing up a U.S. ship, and even orchestrating violent terrorism in U.S. cities.

The plans were developed as ways to trick the American public and the international community into supporting a war to oust Cuba’s then new leader, communist Fidel Castro.”

Quoting directly from the files, “We could blow up a U.S. ship in Guantanamo Bay and blame Cuba,” and, “casualty lists in U.S. newspapers would cause a helpful wave of national indignation.” Hard to swallow, ain’t it? Kinda makes one question a lot of the other things we’ve been perhaps thoughtlessly taking as fact over the last, what, six years? I’m not saying anything specifically here, I’m just saying, maybe we should all be looking a little deeper. Asking some very specific questions about the events that have shaped our lives and will surely shape the next generation’s lives for decades to come.

My name is Lloyd, I live in Chicago , I’m 27 years old, fairly well educated, I hold down a good job and am pretty stable. I’m told I’m fairly good looking, but I’ll let you be the judge of that – I’m generally caring and very honest.

I am looking for an attractive female who will at first give me obsessive love, praise and devotion – but whose paranoia, self-loathing and fear of rejection and abandonment will eventually lead her to alternately push me away and pull me closer in a love/hate cycle that will lead to infidelity, consensual sexual violence, and the eventual emotional breakdown of one or other party – or if we’re lucky – both!

You should:

* be 20 to 35 years old;
* have a history of short, intense, drama-driven relationships;
* enjoy degrading and dehumanizing sex;
* have undergone negative psychiatric evaluations in the past; and
* be willing to threaten self-harm and/or annihilation as a weapon to control your partner and make them stay with you and care for you.

Although not completely necessary, I would prefer women:

* with nice smiles;
* that have larger than average breasts;
* who are married or already in unstable relationships;
* that drink to forget; and
* who have had a previous established diagnosis of Borderline or Dependent Personality Disorder or Bi-Polar Affective Disorder – or who are currently taking Lithium Carbonate, SSRIs, or Tri-cyclic antidepressants

If you think you meet these requirements (and wow, I’m getting excited just writing them!), please don’t hesitate to get back to me as soon as possible. In the meantime, thank you for reading my advert, and do take care.

All the best,

Lloyd

ps This advert is in recognition of the big neon sign on my forehead that everyone else can see except me.”

Ah, makes you yearn for the good old days, when we were all crazy bastards screwing each other over due to “hysteria” and “nymphomania”.

Have a great holiday, guys. And remember, not all the nickels are wooden, just most of ’em.