Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Kim Kardashian had hoped she could take the high road. She thought that the controversy would die down if she stayed silent. But then Kris Humphries went public with his accusation that their marriage was built on fraud, saying he would seek an annulment — and Kim's world came crashing down all over again. "When Kim saw that he was filing for fraud in the annulment she just shook her head," recalls a confidante. "She was just so mad and upset and frustrated."

"I believe in love and the dream of having a perfect relationship, but my idea of it has changed," Kim said in a post split interview. "I think I need not live in a fairy tale like that. I think I maybe need to just snap out of it and be a little more realistic."

KIM OPENS UPKris' accusation that their marriage was a "fraud" made Kim, 31, cry, admits a pal. But knowing it was time to finally speak out, she turned first to her friends.

"Kris has his side of what happened, and I have my side of the story," Kim said, according to a close friend. "But we both contributed to the marriage not working out. We both jumped into it too fast. And now we both have to publicly go through the breakup with the whole world judging and watching."

But their marriage was never a fake. Kim really did want to marry Kris, 26, for all the right reasons, say those around her. She wanted a partner and a family — the perfect sort of romantic dream that everyone wants. "She did not commit fraud," insists an insider. "She truly was in love with him and wanted to live happily ever after. Her heartbreak is genuine."

SHE FELT TRAPPEDKim's fairy tale ended shortly after the wedding hoopla died down. "Kim quickly realized after the honeymoon that she and Kris just weren't compatible, and she had just made the biggest mistake of her life," says a Kardashian relative, who believes that Kim knew she was going to leave Kris before this season of Kourtney & Kim Take New York was finished filming. "I think she knew for a while that she [wasn't going to spend a] lifetime with Kris."

The first insider agrees: "Kim's decision to divorce didn't come out of nowhere — things between her and Kris were horrible from the moment they walked down the aisle."

Kim, insists the relative, didn't know how to admit her mistake in marrying Kris so soon after their extravagant wedding, so she let the marriage go on for 72 days until the season finished taping. "She's really not a fake," says her relative. "She was just on this runaway train with no easy way off."

"I saw her recently and she's really shook up," adds the relative, who admits that the entire Kardashian clan is concerned about what Kris will say or do next. "The family is worried about how angry Kris is and how far he will go."

"Kim isn't superhuman. People seem to have this idea that because she's on TV, she's some sort of robot," says the insider. "She's just been through this awful breakup and she's hurting. Now what Kris is doing is making it hurt that much more. The truth is that she's extremely emotional and very sensitive and she is having a very hard time dealing with all this."

SHE WILL SURVIVESince the divorce, Kim has mostly been using her Twitter account for business purposes — like letting fans know about the new season — but on Nov. 26, she sent out a Tweet that indicated how much she was still hurting: "Celebrating other peoples [sic] pain & misfortune will only bring bad things your way," Kim Tweeted. "Maybe don't be too quick to judge & tear others apart."

This whole experience — from her unhappy marriage to the public backlash — has tempered Kim's dreams. Now, with two failed marriages behind her, she's beginning to wonder if motherhood is one goal she'll never realize. "At first I was like, I want six kids. Then I went down to four, then I was down to three, and now I'm like, maybe I won't have any," she told Glamour. "Maybe I'll just be a good aunt. At this moment in my life, I feel like maybe I am not supposed to have kids and all that."

But others predict that Kim will eventually bounce back. "She knows she made a huge mistake by marrying Kris," says the insider, "but she's ready to accept the consequences of that and move forward with her life."