Sunday, April 29, 2012

29042012

Reflecting, last
night.

Tonight is the
officially last night of our grand journey. It all ends tomorrow,
comes to a stop in my home town, the small town of Imatra on the
Russian border. That's where this all began not more than just seven
months ago, which at some point seemed like a forever infused with an
eternity and at some point a fraction of a second. Regardless, the
hour glass is empty, the grains are gone and all that's left is
reflections.

A few days ago I
finally discovered the meaning of this journey for me. It wasn't
about realizing my dream about travelling, if it would've been I
would have chosen other destinations. It wasn't about becoming
indepent – I have been independent for a long time already, because
that's what I've been raised to be. It wasn't about meeting new
people, gaining new friends – my previous year, the first year of
my studies, was a great year for that. It wasn't about new
experiences, extreme sports, trying out new things – I'm curious by
nature, so I don't need to set out to experience, to feel.

It was about a
small piece of paper with letters scribbled in black pink, written by
a finally steady hand. A page torn out of a travelling notebook with
barely any emotional value. A list.

I had always
thought I had planned my life well and thoroughly. Every piece of my
life's puzzle was already fitted with each other and everything
seemed to be in place. And I guess they were in place but they were
not me.

I wrote a five-item
list. It tells what I want my life to be like in 10 years. I had
never actually given it any thoughts, I just went with the present,
trying to forget some of the past, not really concentrating on the
future. This list I wrote is, in my opinion, the epitome of my youth
turning into adulthood.