I find it an unfair mistake of nature that women don't give away sizing tells (about how much they want someone who's near them) but men do My sizing tells are barely noticeable, though, because I'm rather shortstacked

I find it an unfair mistake of nature that women don't give away sizing tells (about how much they want someone who's near them) but men do My sizing tells are barely noticeable, though, because I'm rather shortstacked

You are smart enough to know that how good the sex for a woman is depends rather seldom on the size. All you described, all the tricks how to use certain fixation from earlier time to get the guy going, apply even more for a woman. For a guy it might work like: see naked girl -> somehow horny, for a woman it is a kind of more complicated and certainly doesn't depend on the size, although might depend on psychological complexes of a guy .

At least for me it is so.

Let us change subject . I am blushing and giggling. And at my old age I should rather radiate somehting solid and serious and respectable .

Sorry for invoking this topic - I was just trying to help you resolve the doubts about this sudden engagement.

Do you find Moscow comfortable enough? It used to be a notoriously expensive city for foreigners; after the 2014 ruble crisis, it has become merely a moderately expensive city , but of course, at the same time, all the other Russian cities except St. Petersburg have become just dirt cheap Even 30-50 km away from the Moscow Kremlin, life is twice cheaper but its quality is certainly lower. Still, I think that cutting costs by moving to a suburb makes sense.

I'm sick and tired of the Moscow costs; on the other hand, the satellite city where I'm moving is like a big village so I'm yet to get used to it.

Below is an irrelevant rant that doesn't apply to you because you're going to have a rich spouse and can afford to live closer to the downtown

For someone poor like me, perhaps living at the new (added in 2012) territories of Moscow is slightly better in terms of the quality-to-price ratio because massive investments from the budget are made into the future infrastructure of New Moscow while the Moscow Oblast (Region) is more depressed economically.

'Future' is the key word, though, because e.g. Kommunarka (the location of the future business centre) is rather a ghetto than a decent neighbourhood nowadays, though it's part of the capital city territory and not as horrible as New Trehgorka (Новая Трёхгорка) or Pavshino Floodplain / Pavshinkaya Poima (Павшинская Пойма) that belong to the oblast

^^ I am a cheap girl:
I fly cheap, have a super cheapo hotel cook a tea in a kitchen here and I did go out to dinner only once for nostalgic reasons. I have a bunch of memories connected with "slavjanskij bazar".

And about infrastracture... What of the infrastructure part do you use Moscau downtown?
Theaters? Food? Job?
I mean from your posting you like buckwheat and want to be a poker-pro. That makes a suburb to a really good reasonable alternative.

In other news posting in the next days is gonna be light for obvious reasons. If I am not here for few days, it doesn't mean that russian bears have eaten me.

I wasn't asking where to live myself - I can survive at any place in this country that has internet access so I had made the decision a year ago.

For those who have to do a real job, though, there's a big trade-off between time, comfort and money. Salaries are much higher in Moscow than in the rest of the country. Commuting is a pain because both the roads and the trains are overcrowded. So the property prices increase steeply as one gets closer to the Kremlin. The majority of citizens can't afford to rent near their workplace (nor to pay the overpriced mortgage) and don't want to find a job near their house because it would be paying much less and they prefer suffering to living in poverty.

The only sure way to escape the rat race is to work remotely. Otherwise one needs a good inheritance or a lot of work or luck to settle inside the Moscow Ring Road, outside which 'there's no life'.

The truth is, that I am actually here not to check out my russian roots, or find big love...(What is love at all is a question for itself ), but to check out russian fertility clinics after a pretty disappointing odyssee with european fertility medicine. I wrote today something in another guy's log, something about his self identity, what made me think about my self identity. If, may be, I have so internalized my fertility problems so much, that they became a part of my self identity. Then I would subconsciously do everything to keep them.

Today had the first appointment in a clinic here. Actually went pretty good. At least, differently to Europe, the doc was extremely friendly and welcoming. She knew more than me and had few ideas, how the IVF protocol can be improved. So I am mildly optimistic. Last clinic I checked out in Europe...... they had 0815 protocol, that consists basically of shots with menopur and triptofem starting with second day of the period, then egg cell retrieval, fertilization in petri dish and transfer in the same cycle back to the uterus. No alternatives were offered. The doc here in Moskau showed me the lab, explained in detail, what solution is used to keep embryos, why and which alternatives exist. The last doc in Europe, Belgium, Gent didn't even know what equipment exactly do they have in the lab. Additionally the whole attitude in Europe is " go away, we don't need you, we have enough patients with better perspective". The attitude here was more "let us try mini stimulation, that has shown good results in this and this study. Or you could try this or that".

edit: Dima..... I told him the story. He is convinced that I just need the right guy and that is him. But I am very realistic. I know that if it won't work with pregnancy the relationship with him has no future. He for now just completely rejects even to consider this possibility. May be that is not so bad, that he has so zero self-doubt in this. That amuses me and somehow gives me this " Who knows. May be he is right." And I mean healthwise, I am actually perfectly healthy.

Wait... aren't you going to marry Dima? If you still are, are you going to live in Germany or in Russia? In my rant, I was assuming the latter case - that Dima doesn't want to emigrate. If he does, then marrying you is a sure way for him to get the German residence permit.

For now it will take a few month until IVF try. If he is right and everything will work-out conventionally, then I would be soooooo happy not to go again in this hell of IVF. If not.... I will see, how he reacts to that and if he wants to be my company in the fertility treatments hell. I am OK with yes and with no.

Invested two hours to improve my online security. I am actually pretty disciplined with that and do keep my PWs individual and all the info as separated as possible, so that if one account somewhere goes down, I won't go down as a whole. But there was still to much unnecessary info in the mails and one or other account had not to good PWs. But now it is better.

HEHEHE....
One thing that is cool with Dima, is that he is a nerd. I always had soft spot for nerdy guys . And he just hacked two of my accounts Ooooo boy! Nonono, not what you think. I asked him to try to do so. I know now better weak spots in my system. And I like it when a dude is smarter than me

- to be engaged to a woman from another state with immigration in perspective without speaking language of this state.
- having in perspective basically to give-up everything you have build-up at the age around 40.
- have a potential deal breaker involved
- being convinced that all fertility problems are nothing and your fiance just needs a right dude to get pregnant and it is you (imagine, what that all is gonna do with your psyche, if you are wrong in such situation)
- being engaged to someone, where you are not priority number one. No, Dima is not priority number one in my life. (I am not sure which place I do have on his priority list, but he definitely has a life besides me and doesn't go on my nerves. That is big deal.)

doesn't that sound like a dream of every guy?
But he signed to it. He knew every single of this points, although I think he just didn't think through the fertility stuff to the end.

But for now it goes well. I told today my mom that. She was somehow completely cool and just asked when he will come for a visit. Interestingly she remembered him from the school times.

And I don't know. I am still zero anxious. I think that I have thought every possible alternative at least for a year in advance, that means for the engagement time, and I am fine with every outcome I can think of.

^ It's quite standard in Russia, unfortunately. Especially when the partners aren't in romantic love with each other.

One of the reasons is that orphanages are maintained so poorly that children adopted from there tend to have mental issues; some of the abandoned children have physical disabilities too (babies who're born disabled are rather often refused by their biological parents and dropped into an orphanage). Hence adopting is a big act of charity.

Everyone, also in Germany, has its own set of what are the deal breakers.

Common value system in points like dealing with money, spirituality, having and raising children, dealing with family...... That are basically the points that make or break marriage/long term partnership basically everywhere. The only situation, where it is different is with teenagers. I think if you are falling madly in love with 16 and want to marry the dude/ the gal, then nothing gonna stop you. But if you are older than 20 and kind of have grown a brain, it makes totally sense to check out if your picture of "happily ever after" is contradictory to the partners picture of "happily ever after".

Children are for my fiance a deal breaker. It would be also for me a deal breaker. I went separate ways in the past with a guy, where everything else was good, but he didn't want to have children. It makes zero sense from my side to get somehow pissed at that. It is just way it is. And it is much much MUCH better for me to know it now, than to hear in 6 month something like " you are not really woman, you can't even carry my child, I don't want such an empty shell like you are".

I prefer to know what are the rules, even if they are not so pleasant for me.

Everyone, also in Germany, has its own set of what are the deal breakers.

I prefer to know what are the rules, even if they are not so pleasant for me.

Oh I understand that, but usually these things are hashed out during the dating phase, before any marriage proposals. I mean why don't you just wait and see if you can have his kids before getting married?