Friday, June 03, 2005

bruised knees

When those times come when the heart is so heavy that it seems will soon spill out of the chest, then I imagine myself sitting in God’s lap, with my face buried in his chest and crying. Kind of like when I was 3 and had to cry in grandma’s lap after a bruised knee accident.

Knowing that I can be brutally honest is so liberating. I don’t have to be a “good”, I don’t have to pretend, I don’t have to explain, I don’t have to be anything, I am me: to the deepest, truest self. Which includes all the fears, insecurities, and baggage that I try so hard to hide from the world.

And then I imagine him as a dad who sits there and listens and wipes away tears and kisses on the forehead. And who has the time to listen, who has the patience, who doesn’t say “I told you”, who has the most gentle love, who cares about every detail.

The best part about it is that I know in the end He says “It will be ok. Trust me.” And I know that even though it might hurt for a while, it will be ok. It’s not just someone trying to say something because they don’t know what to say, it’s the truth, it really will be ok.