#itestify: It took me all year to make this decision...but I did.

After what has been a pretty tumultuous year, I find myself at a crossroads. A time when I get to choose my next steps. This isn't my first crossroads, so I am not alarmed by it. BUT, I am aware of the weight of the decision that I have to make. What is this great decision? Glad you asked. It is the intentional decision to stop moving thru life like a survivor...waiting for the next ax to fall...having five back up plans...missing the good because I expect the bad.

If I know anything at this point in my life, I know this: surviving is not the same thing as living. Surviving is the first step; a critical one for sure. Survival indicates that we are still in the land of the living and breathing. As a survivor, my goal has pretty much been to not die...not be overtaken, overcome, or pulled under by the 'thing that came for me.

But this is not the same as living...actively pursuing life and life's experiences.

Many of us consider ourselves to be survivors...of all kinds of things. But survival...was never intended to be our permanent state. And yet many of us are stuck here. We have lived our lives in survival mode...always prepared for 'what if', fearful of what could or might happen...and always assuming the worst. We've worked hard...to always be ready, prepared for, and ahead of the 'thing' that could take us out. We have stayed on the run...driven by fear of the 'thing'. We expect to fight, so we stay ready to war.

It is a consuming existence...I have to admit it.

But I...have decided to leave this path. It is time. I know in my heart that it is God's will for me. He mentions it in the bible...the scriptures that talks about us having abundant life and prospering. So I am choosing the road to life and living. I have never fully walked this path before, so I have no idea what to do or how it will all work out. It might look crazy for a little while. I am scared, but I am gonna do it anyway. Wish me luck y'all!