Observations from the other side of mid-life

Goodbye Bungee the Panther Man

With Mindfulness Meditation, we’re taught to breathe in the moment, every single moment, and appreciate it for what it is right now, neither the past or the future. Never is this a better time for me to know how to do this than today.

In this moment, I’m watching my cat Bungee sleeping on the kitchen rug in front of the sink. In a few hours Bungee will be put to sleep and we will bury him in our backyard. In this moment, he is breathing, but his small frail body is eating itself up from the inside.

In this moment, I pick him up. I feel every bone on his spine, his ribs, his hip bones. His fat is gone and now his muscles are in atrophy. We sit on the couch next to his friend Mathilda the dog. He likes how I rub his ears and he purrs very softly. In this moment he would normally knead his front paws into my stomach, but he can’t. And so he just lays against my chest with his eyes closed.

In this moment, Bungee leaves my lap and walks slowly to the kitchen. He can’t get enough to eat or drink, but he tries.

Bungee is not conscious of his consciousness. In this moment, he does not know that in an hour he will no longer be. But in this moment, I’m fully aware of his mortality and the gravity of my decision to make this day be his last day on earth.

In this moment I ask myself, ‘Who am I to make such a decision?’ And then I see him lying on the rug again, sleeping, not chasing the birds in the feeder right outside the back door. And so I know in this moment that while doing what’s right comes with self-doubt and second-guessing, my decision is what’s best for Bungee. I cannot matter.

In this moment, I love and cherish my beautiful Bungee and all his adventures.