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Saturday, December 8, 2007

A disagreement

I'm having a bad day today. I just need to get my frustrations out. I'm stressed out right now. Christmas, wedding and moving all in one month will do that to you. I still have bills to pay and preparations to make.

To top all of that off I really haven't gotten to talk to Sean much this week. I've missed him a lot and just been sad about being apart, even though I know it's only about 12 days until I see him again.

Today he and I are having a disagreement about a situation that is hurtful to me. He won't compromise on this situation though, he keeps telling me to trust him, trust him. It's not an issue of trust with me. Obviously I trust him since we've been living 9 hours apart for the last 5 months since we've been married. I want him to stop this particular situation that is hurting me immediately! The fact that he won't hurts me a lot. More than I've ever been hurt by another person.

I think that's why marriage is sometimes so scary to me. Because there are so many wonderful moments that you share with your spouse, but who can hurt you more than they can? No one can. I compromise a lot in my marriage, which I know is what married couples do. In this situation though I'm not. There is simply NO compromise in this particular instance. It's either one way or another and if Sean doesn't do that, then I don't know what is going to happen to us.

Obviously divorce is not an option for me, I married this person for better or for worse, I'm not giving up on him or us. I just wish sometimes he would recognize how selfish he can be and try to work on that. I know I have things to work on myself and I am trying to do my best. I have setbacks every once in awhile and I know I am not perfect. I still have a lot of growing up to do, but so does he and sometimes I feel like I'm tired of giving in.