'Wallet is welcome to stay on board' say angry passengers

A Qantas flight from Singapore to London has been diverted to Dubai after air traffic controlers at Heathrow discovered one of the passengers on board was entertainer Stephen Fry.

Officials on the ground said that Qantas flight number Ql was carrying 252 passengers and five crew members on board the Airbus A380 when the superjumbo developed problems with its rear end.

Cabin crew on board flight Ql told Fry the problem with his rear end would just have to wait until they had landed as no one on board knew how to operate the colonic irrigation pumping equipment Fry was carrying in his hand luggage for such emergencies.

Mr Fry said in a Twitter update that he had been 'Quite Irritated' during the hold up as someone had shoved a large leather bound wallet up his arse and although he had found it 'Quite Intrusive' at the time he did admit the incident had helped keep morale high and cheered the other passengers up no end.

Fry is considered by many to be a national treasure ...so the passengers on board flight Ql had no hesitation in agreeing they should bury the tedious know-all deep in the Dubai desert along with all the other annoyingly polished and overly bright objects stashed away in the overhead lockers.

The diversion is just the latest in a series of disasters to have hit the company but a spokesman for Qantas said coping with floods, earthquakes and cyclones had been an absolute pleasure compared with having to listen to Fry's knowingly camp bonhomie during check-in.

Earlier in the day there had been a humiliating exchange between Fry and customs officials over a routine strip search carried out by a male guard who apologised to Fry saying he was simply too busy and just didn't have time to do it.

Stephen Fry...when asked by a Bedouin tribesman if he would like one hump or two during his camel ride through the desert...his answer....well boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen, monsieur's and mademoiselles.... now that really is Quite Interesting