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Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Reasons you're unapproachable

Does this sound familiar? "No one ever approaches me, no one asks me out, and why do I ward guys off?"

Rich Santos, a favorite writer of mine at Marie Claire, recently wrote about women who prevent guys from approaching them according to him.

Prevent? You? No way. Keep reading if this is news to you.

Yes, you Miss. Thang are preventing men from eye fucking the shit out of you and you don't even know it. All this time, you’ve been under the assumption that you’re playing the field just fine and because no one is drawn to your awesome tactics, you're just inept to dating and being approached: false. There is someone for everyone. If Clay Aiken can get a boyfriend, so can you.

There are many bad habits indebted in women that we're often unaware of, while others are alcohol induced (which can be forgiven once or twice, until they become natural behavior; see below).

"I don’t usually approach girls who don’t look stylish and put together," Santos says. "Now, if you want to keep guys away from you, doing the “celeb in public homeless look” might be a good strategy."

When Friday night rolls around and you're getting together with your girlfriends, you decide to have a couple drinks before going out to dinner or the bars. Let's just say your stroll through the front door is less than graceful. You're perfume is no longer smelling like a rose garden and more like Bacardi and your tripping and spilling is unattractive. When you resemble Courtney Love circa 1990-present, it's a turn off. Grace and poise are prized possessions when trying to lure someone.

Now it's the following weekend and you're not quite as drunk, but you're dancing on the bar, gyrating against a pole that isn't meant to be gyrated against and every chair has your scuff marks. Yes, everyone has a spring break moment in their life, but when this is your weekly habit, the only men approaching you will be ones with dollar bills.

Then there is the chick that looks like a cold hard bitch. You're probably the nicest girl in the world but your facial expression is scaring off every male contender in the room. Looking miserable and like you're better than everyone needs to stop. Smile and at least act like you're having fun, even if you aren't.

"Try to give off positive vibes, and more people will approach," he explains.

Sending positive vibes can also stop when you're surrounded with men; If you’re always hanging around large groups of guys, onlookers don't know if you're taken by one of them or not and they certainly aren't going to cross swords if you know what I mean.

The comfort zone is universal. Apparently guys don't like to be shut down or have their ego's bruised just like women. Gee, who would have thought? Sometimes when you’re too good looking, it's not them, it's you. Sorry. Just don't let that get to your head cocky.

False advertising can also prevent men from approaching you. Stop wearing fake wedding bands or faux diamond rings because you like the look of it. If you aren't married, no more diamond bands on your wedding finger and if you are married, stop wondering why men aren't approaching you!

"It’s easier to approach a girl who looks bored, like she wants someone to talk to," he says.

When you’re buried in work, emails or your blackberry, it's an assumption you don't want to be bothered.

Being busy falls in line with your accessibility; put an end to hanging out in corners that are dark and only the white of your eyes are visible you creep. Get out in the open where people can see you and easily approach you. If a guy has to crawl over chairs or cut through a crowd of people to find you in the middle of a huddle, it’s too much work. This is the one time I am going to say being easy is okay. Easy to reach that is.

Interesting.I agree with the non-smiling part, but here in good ol' hipsterville Austin, TX, the hot hipsters who don't smile seem to get all the cute boys.Also, I disagree with the stylish thing. It's a woman's confidence that is attractive, not the new trendy clothing she's wearing.

That's true...I agree with the non smiling. I think it just depends on the guy/girl...everyone is different.

I think Santos goes a little far with the "stylish," as well, but he could also be pointing to hygiene.

I know guys don't necessarily care about what a girl is wearing as I am reminded by my friends all the time...it's just whether or not you look like you shower. But hey, if you're confident that way, there is someone for everyone right?

This is interesting. Almost every time a guy has come up to talk to me, I've looked like complete crap. Sweatpants, weird hair. I think some men see a woman who isn't all put together and think she's more accessible/attainable.

I agree with the whole stylish / hygiene thing. I am not a fan of a smelly girl. I sat by a troll in class one day and she reeked, mind you I wasn't interested in the least, but the smell was scientifically awful.

I have the cold stare as well, so I don't think it is a deal breaker. That is sort of judging a book by its cover type of thing.

Working at a bar right now I can say the drunken girl syndrome is a turn off and I am only at my second shift.

As a single girl I have to say, I do these things - and I yell, I mean tell, my other single friends to do the same... no one is going to hit on you if you're wearing ugly gray sweats and you look pissed!

But I'm still single so I tink there must be more to it than that! ;-)