I thought I was through the worst after 2 years of relatively benign living - since October last year it's been coming back with more regularity - and more darkness. I keep trying to move on and succeed in my life, but I think now it's just too hard - I have given up.

we all have felt the way you feel now but iam telling you there is hope for change. It makes no sense to have a deadline when there is so many things that can be done so many supports you can reach to in order to change the way you feel
sound like medication would help you if you are on it then change it a bit. Keep reaching out okay keep opening those doors that will bring you healing.
You deserve healing as much as the rest of us Know it can get better okay it can

I see all the parallels with this time 4 years ago, the feeling is the same - a great leaden weight, and indeed wait. I can't do this - coming back again is too hard, feel such a faliure - this is an utter relapse.

How many times do you try and fix something that's habitually broken - and when it's not, it breaks itself...*silent tears*

Hey Chris, i know the feeling well.
As your eyes open in the morning....its there, it sits with you as you eat, it walks with you as you walk around tesco's in a daze, it freezes your brain as you ghost talk with others unaware of your pain.
It screams at you through the silence of isolation and blinds you to any contentment.
Depression prevents living and embraces tortured existence.

I have no magic wand, i have no real answers.

What i do have is empathy, what i do have is a belief that good people have a right to be able to fight it and ultimately win.

Guess its our choice if we decide to triumph or fail.

Hope and giving can never be taken from us Chris, only we can let them go.

Pete you summed it up so well. Everything's just too hard at the moment, and I know that even if I come through this - which is not out of the question - I'll only end up here again some time later down the line...

Pete you summed it up so well. Everything's just too hard at the moment, and I know that even if I come through this - which is not out of the question - I'll only end up here again some time later down the line...

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Your right you might but you will be stronger knowing you got through the last one and won.

I to have lived with depression damn, as far back as I can remember, it comes and goes, one year your like wow I havent thought about it in a while and I dont feel depressed and maybe the next year (or day, month, minute) you feel like you cant go on if someone dragged you, but you can your stronger than you think, reach way down deep and bring up that fight in you.

Keep posting and letting it out. Hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

Damnit I'm such a liar...Dad's birthday yesterday, mentioned to Mum as we caught up on life the universe and everything, that my meds 'may need to get changed because I'm not sure if they're kicking in'....

InLimbo, i once said to my doc that sometimes something is so broken you cant fix it, but now i think that sometimes we "feel" so broken it cant be fixed. we have all felt like you, and some still do, regrettably its the nature of the beast. we think we have conquered him and just when we relax he comes again. sometimes a simple change of meds may hold him back again...but its a waiting game, a hard game...go see your doc, tell him how you feel, get increase or change in meds...only when you have walked every avenue and cant find your way can you say you are lost. i am full of crap tonight! ha ha..but i mean it...i have come so close like so many here...then i just get a little glimmer of hope from here and another day passes.