Gamecocks bring back Garcia to replace Lattimore

Columbia – In a shocking turn of events today, University of South Carolina football coach Steve Spurrier welcomed former quarterback Stephen Garcia back onto the squad to replace injured running back Marcus Lattimore.

You can't keep a good cock down.

“We all make mistakes,” said Spurrier, “but Stephen has owned up to his prior indiscretions and is ready to start fresh to help out the team. And don’t forget, he was averaging five yards a carry this year and we just lost our starting running back.”

Spurrier added “If there’s one thing we’ve learned in our dealings with Garcia, it’s that we can overlook his shortcomings as long as he’s still contributing to the team. Also, running backs typically don’t throw too many interceptions, so there’s a lot less downside this time.”

Garcia was dismissed from the team just last week after reportedly failing to comply with guidelines put in place following an indefinite suspension in the Spring. His violation is said to have been the result of drinking and possibly use of marijuana.

Garcia’s dismissal came days after his replacement as starting quarterback, sophomore Connor Shaw, posted career-high numbers in a lopsided win over Kentucky.

Lattimore, seen by many as a legitimate Heisman Trophy contender this year, was injured during Saturday’s win over Mississippi State. He will be sidelined for the remainder of the season.

During Spurrier’s press conference, we asked the Spurrier if he was being hypocritical by forgiving Garcia only when he was able to contribute to the team. At that point the press conference was halted and we were told it would not continue until we left.

4 comments on “Gamecocks bring back Garcia to replace Lattimore”

Yes, Brittany, this is a “rumor site.” Says so right at the bottom of the screen. Oh, wait. no…it says “satire and parody.” Perhaps you and Tiff can pool your limited cranial resources and attempt to squeeze out an intelligent thought. Jesus, do you take The Onion at face value too?

ummmmmmmmm actually this isn’t true so you can stfu about USC. thanx. im a proud student and we do have our priorities straight. clearly this is a rumor site.. and its BS. Garcia is at homee, and the gamecocks are moving on.

What’s that saying to future players at USC you can do what you want anything is exceptable as long as we win football games! Corruption at it’s best! That’s showing the young boys who are USC fans a real way to be a good citizen and athlete. Really had the other played not been injured he would still be shunned and banished. Way to look bad USC! Where are you priorities!?!?