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The Story of a Recovering Quadriplegic

Category: Progress

Assessing Mild Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy (MHOT) in the treatment of the chronic pain I have been experiencing as a C5/6 quadriplegic.

Being a quadriplegic I have battled a number of different sources of pain that have at times completely consumed me and my ability to pursue much of a “normal life.” By normal I mean in the way of having the ability to be doing the things I’d actually like to be doing- going out with friends, rehabbing my body, enjoying the outdoors, participating in positive conversations and not having to rush home from work to climb directly into bed. The persistent pain from a taxed nervous system, musculoskeletal misalignment and sore and spastic muscles had me convinced that simple comfort was something that was slipping further and further away from me. I was often finding myself mentally tormented by my inability to participate in the world around me.

I’ve most often explained my nerve pain as a superficial burning that can ebb and flow throughout the day, dipping and diving depending on body temp, seating position, spasticity, hydration, state of my bladder, digestion and of course stress. All of these things integrally affect one another by the moment.

If you’ve had the experience of taking a short break from the hot tub to jump in powder snow and then returned to the hot tub to be met by the burning pins and needles of a confused nervous system, then you’ve felt something similar to my nerve pain. If that’s not as widely a shared experience as a Colorado raised kid would think, then imagine the pins and needles of standing on a foot that has fallen asleep and is slowly waking up covering 85% of your body. Ruthless, uncomfortable and unfortunately part of my life, I had accepted this as a part of my injury.

Over the past four years, my experience with nerve pain has dictated my bandwidth for most everything in life. Everything from my ability to comfortably sit through a workday and have energy for much of anything after work, to how much sleep my body will allow itself throughout the night is affected by these unrelenting pins and needles.

There are additional layers of musculoskeletal pain from 6 years of posture forced by not-quite-right seating systems and prioritizing long days behind a desk over the time consuming pursuit of physical therapy. The constant battle against atrophy, pinched nerves, sore muscles and tightening ligaments add more layers that constantly irritate and often leave me feeling twice my age when it comes to physical bandwidth. I push my body incredibly hard through all this pain as moving forward through my day is often the only effective distraction.

My first experience with Mild Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy came as a suggestion from Andrea while I was dealing with a pressure sore that did not seem to want to move in the right direction. It was the second pressure sore I had experienced, the first of which left me in bed for four months waiting for my poor circulation to slowly close a wound on my leg smaller than a quarter. It was devastating when my second pressure sore showed up on the end of my toe- a small red mark that slowly turned into another stent on bed rest as sitting in my chair was only moving it in the wrong direction.

After seeking out a Mild Hyperbaric Oxygen Chamber (MHOC) in nearby Vancouver, WA, I committed to 13 hours to see if it was for me. My body responded to the chamber almost immediately. Within my first couple sessions you could visibly see the circumference of the wound shrinking.

Somewhere around the 10th hour, I experienced a session that was noticeably different from those before. When the chamber pressurized, I noticed that my nerve pain, which had been quite fierce that day, was suddenly nearly nonexistent. At that time, the reduction in pain only lasted while I was in the chamber. I didn’t pursue this curiosity any further, as I was originally there for the pressure sore which was rapidly resolving itself. It was also quite a challenge to fit commuting into my schedule in a way that allowed me to have consecutive treatments, so I stopped traveling to Vancouver, though the pain relief that I had experienced during my final few sessions stuck in my mind.

Fast-forward a few months and my third pressure sore unfortunately came into my life and in the worst possible place – right on my ischial tuberosity, aka butt, a region that takes a lot of pressure while sitting.

Everything about having to be on bed rest due to a pressure sore can have a negative impact on your health – you’re moving even less, appetite decreases, sleeping is difficult and stress factors increase. You can also feel your muscles quickly atrophying, which is quite painful. The best thing to do is get out of bed as soon as possible, though your bodies ability to heal self dictates that timeline. It’s really quite a helpless feeling being stuck in bed for that long- especially when you’re seeing the wound move in the wrong direction.

As a healthcare professional, Andrea was quite amazed with the chamber’s ability to expedite the pressure wound healing process that I had previously experienced as well as intrigued by the many other health issues the MHOC could potentially help with. Andrea had been interested in acquiring a MHOC for her health and wellness clinic for a multitude of reasons and seeing me suffering, she decided there was no better time to make it happen.

So a MHOC suddenly shows up at our front door and I get to be the lucky guinea pig. We knew it was going to help the pressure sore so at that point the nerve pain and the other benefits it could potential bring were not really even on my radar. During my second session in the chamber I experienced the same reduction nerve pain that I had experienced months before, the only unfortunate thing being that upon depressurizing I could feel the nerve pain creeping back over me.

This trend continued throughout the next 10- hour-long sessions- the same reduction in pain with nerve pain returning upon depressurizing.

Then, I started to notice that the pain reduction was lasting longer and longer. First it was a few hours after the session and then it was throughout the night. Then amazingly, I started to notice I was in less pain at work, a place where I can clearly gauge what type of shape my body is in around the time I take my noon meds.

I was also noticing that while in the chamber, my body seemed to be in a state of complete calm and badly desiring rest, ready to heal and exhausted from it. I started to realize that my nervous system has been in a state of shock for nearly 7 years and this was the closest I have felt to being in my former body. The reduction in my nerve pain was so significant and so profound that I started to take for granted the other effects that were taking place in my body.

After 15 hours, my pressure sore was nearly nonexistent, I was sleeping much better and more consistently through the night, and the reduction in nerve pain was significant enough that I considered discontinuing a nerve pain medication called Lyrica that I had been taking over the past year.

I can only imagine September and hours 20-40 would have been much easier had I not decided to discontinue the Lyrica. I stayed vigilant about spending time in the chamber but my body was going through all sorts of Lyrica withdrawal related hell. One consistent thing with the chamber sessions was that I would always experience the reduction in pain while pressurized. Unfortunately, my spasticity and other symptoms from the Lyrica withdrawal would come right in behind the chamber session and start kicking my ass. It was frustrating, but I knew that my body was still moving in the right direction and getting rid of something that could make me feel this nasty could only be a good thing. I routinely imagined that it would’ve been a nearly impossible experience without the relief from the chamber sessions.

Throughout September, it was noticeable that I was feeling much better in some regards while still suffering in others. Andrea was amazed that you couldn’t even find the spot where my pressure sore had previously been. Before the chamber, the sore looked like it would’ve left a significant a permanent scar.

I started to notice many other changes as well- I was sitting in my chair for much longer after work and my energy levels had drastically improved. The significant edema that I used to deal within my feet was nearly nonexistent and my hemorrhoids were trending in a positive direction. My body was much warmer and not constantly catching chills. I also found myself forgetting to take my spasm medication Baclofen at my normal intervals, as my body wasn’t calling as loudly for it.

Most amazingly, as I sit here today, I do not feel the burning needles poking through my skin. I occasionally feel warm, dull needles and my musculoskeletal pains source is more evident as well as digestive and bladder issues more defined due to not having the blanket of nerve pain.

Andrea and I were reflecting on my experience with MHOT and how my health has benefited and she asked if I “thought my nerve pain was 50% better?” I didn’t hesitate in replying “more like 80%!” With this decrease in nerve pain I hope I can begin to effectively tackle some of the other painful issues with my body as I now have more bandwidth for exercise and therapy. I’m also finding more energy to go out and participate in the activities in life that make me feel “normal,” realizing that for now the physical downward spiral I thought was inevitable has come back into my control.

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Originally Published 9/17/15

I have been having such great results with the hyperbaric chamber that I decided I would discontinue taking Lyrica. It’s a nasty drug I have been on for nearly half a year and realistically was only touching a very small piece of my overall pain and discomfort while giving me a handful of very undesirable side effects. I have been tapering off as suggested but the withdrawal symptoms are kicking my ass. Insomnia, anxiety, muscle weakness, pain and spasms taking me back to a place reminiscent of the ICU. Now that I’m reading more into this experience I’m currently going through it is pissing me off that these dangerous drugs are so casually prescribed when so little is known about their long-term side effects and actual consistent effectiveness in the larger population. Who would really want to trade all those potential side effects for a drug that does not have a consistent effect on everyone interacting with it. And then what if it doesn’t work well for you? You have to put your body through full on withdrawal with risks much more severe than anything being initially treated? There are thousands of these chemical compounds out there being prescribed to innocent people looking for relief and leaving them with more problems than they started with. As soon as pharmaceutical representatives start pushing the latest and greatest into your doctors office MD’s start using these drugs as tools that they are not experts with nor do they have complete confidence in. I have a feeling they know damn well that side effects and withdrawal symptoms could cause more issues for you outside of the specific symptom that you’re trying to address and that’s why they more often present new drugs as a “choice,” “option,” or “recommendation” rather than an actual instruction backed by their years of education and collaboration with other MD’s. The most criminal piece of this whole system is the $300 dollars a month for that bottle of Lyrica is not just propping up their marketing budget; these companies are actively researching what the actual long-term effects of these drugs are and they’re doing that by putting it into the population and having legal teams assess the risk versus reward for their bottom line. A drug that sells for $300 a bottle is great but not if it’s going to open them up to a class action lawsuit and be pulled from the market before it reaches its true earning potential from being more widely distributed throughout the years. And of course it gets worse as some of these drugs have been left on the market 5-10 years beyond the actual companies manufacturing them coming to the realization through their own long-term research that the drug was largely ineffective or causing more issues than helping. These drugs launch as a business plan and once that is in motion unfortunately the effectiveness of the drugs become secondary to its earning potential. I’m not saying certain pharmaceuticals don’t have their place I’m just saying I’d think twice before ingesting anything that smells of marketing. Apparently a withdrawal symptoms can be maddening ranting.

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Hour 1
1st session in my temporarily personal mild hyperbaric oxygen chamber! 14th MHOC session of my life including 13 sessions this past May for a pressure sore on my toe. Previously there was visual positive change with the pressure sore and around the 10th hour I experienced a session where my nerve pain was nearly completely reduced for the first time in years. In an effort to reduce my nerve pain and spasticity more permanently I plan to spend 40 hours in the MHOC over the next month. First session was somewhat stressful as we are just learning to work with the chamber and we left the oxygen concentrator sitting on the foam piece that it was shipped on which overheated it pretty quickly. As I was starting to relax into the experience we had alarms sounding through the house. Lesson learned.

Hour 2
Body was in considerable discomfort and after coming up to pressure nerve pain subsided considerably and ramped back up to normal when depressurizing.

Hour 3
Pain and spasticity relief was considerable once under pressure and effects were longer-lasting after depressurization.

Hour 4
Body was in rough shape going in today and pain relief was noticeable but not as dramatic. Spasms and nerve pain came back with depressurization.

Hour 5
Went into the chamber feeling the best I have all week most likely due to just getting out of the shower. When pressurized body reached a state of complete calm. After getting out went straight into bed and body was completely exhausted. It felt like my body was in a calm enough state to start sorting itself out.

Hour 6
Got in the chamber first thing straight out of bed and my body was the most comfortable it has been in the morning this week. When depressurizing in the chamber my body seems to retain more of the comfort felt at pressurization. Time for a few days off.

Hour 7
I noticed today at work that my body was not building spasticity nearly as quickly throughout the day. My body felt really good in the chamber while at pressure and while I depressurizing and felt significantly better in the evening before bed!

Hours 8 & 9
During morning session after shower still noticing significant relief of nerve pain when chamber is pressurized and a reduction in the relief as chamber depressurizes. Did a second session in the afternoon experiencing the same reduction in pain and had more lasting effects into the evening.

Hour 10
Slept better and body felt calm in the a.m. and nerves felt noticeably better during the day. Also noticed that the pressure sore I’ve been dealing with on my arse is looking like it’s making the final push to heal. Had chamber session after work and body is experiencing consistent nerve pain reduction while the chamber is pressurized. Some days the nerve pain reduction lasts longer than others throughout depressurizing but today it seems to have somewhat stuck through the evening.

Overall very promising results I’ll let you know how the next 10 hours go! Huge thanks to Tabor View Health & Wellness for the access to the chamber!

If you wondering why I don’t write here often I might give you the expected “I’m too busy” but the truth is the Internet is a pretty vulnerable place to express yourself this day in age. When I do get the chance to sit down and write it is often brief so those fragments of thoughts are not yet ready for global publication. Ultimately what does inspire me to write here is all of my friends, family and supporters who I know care so much about me and do genuinely want to know what’s going on in my life. Unfortunately, I am too busy to connect with all of you in detail so here’s the report and thank you all for bringing out the best in me!

I’m better understanding what an unavoidably transformative experience life is. The last time I wrote with the intention to share on this blog was over a year and a half ago and my life was once again at a turning point. I wrote about the chapters of life being a fresh start, a new blank page unwritten and full of potential, a new chapter lay ahead for me. Once again I’ve written the next chapter and in doing so have pointed my narrative in an entirely new direction. I start writing again now with a new outlook, new circumstances and my life in transformation once again.

Being able to buy and remodel a home for accessibility has been one of my biggest blessings and one of the most important things I needed to do to bring some normalcy and independence back to my life. It had been three years since I was able to roll up under my own sink and brush my teeth by myself. Three years since I had let myself through my own front door. Three years since I’d felt comfortable being home alone. The love that has come through this house is evident in the décor, the drawings on the guest wall and Quill’s love of new faces (my 3yr old Shiba Inu). I can’t thank all of my friends and family enough for making me feel so comfortable here. I finally feel like I’ve moved from survival to stability.

Although once I’ve been put together I may be able to shove off into my day and appear somewhat independent the bottom line is my life requires a lot of assistance at home. That assistance comes largely from caregivers and I don’t know what it is about my luck but I have had some amazing people brought into my life as a result of my dependence and I am blessed for that. At any time I usually have 2 to 3 caregivers in my weekly rotation one of which I live with full-time. The selflessness and compassion that I’ve received from these relationships has and continues to teach me some of the most important lessons one human could teach another. Most importantly I’m learning my care is a necessity of my life not a burden on someone else’s and as you can imagine that’s a helpful realization.

I’m having a harder time these days telling people my body’s fine and life goes on. Life certainly goes on but the truth is I’m living with chronic pain and it affects my quality-of-life daily. So many people have pain and injuries that are invisible to those around them and while my injury is obvious the pain isn’t as much. Outside looking in you see a disabled body in a wheelchair and it often ends there, I could never explain to you the different layers and aspects of pain that live within. Over the last two years my spasticity and nerve pain has changed for the worse and I’m currently doing everything in my power to try and figure out how to reverse the trend. The bottom line is I put my body through a lot and my mind for that matter as well. I’ve never really accepted that life would need to slow down after my injury. As a result I’ve pushed through when my body and my mind are asking for rest and as we all know it catches up with you. I am not enjoying living my life in pain and hoping to find some relief as I continue to seek out every available option while continuing to do the things that I have been fortunate enough to weave into my schedule like stretching, chiropractic, acupuncture and massage. They all do help but can’t seem to get to the root of the problem. I also just recently learned the harsh realities of pressure sores and bed rest as I unfortunately sat on a small hard piece of plastic for one day and it put me in bed for two straight months. I’m doing better now and back at it, cruising around with my friend pain.

Someone once asked the Dalai Lama what surprised him the most about mankind and this was his answer…

“Man, because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and the he dies having never really lived.”

I’m currently working on a solution to this problem in my own personal life. I’ve made the recognition and I need to continue to work on making the adjustments. Work is rewarding and engaging on so many levels for me. My career has become a very important part of my identity and motivation so I’m doing my best to balance my workaholic tendencies with what my body’s realities are. I feel like all things considered I’m in as good a place right now as I could ask for and things are definitely looking up in the near future. I also have a very special girl now in my life that inspires me to really get the most out of every day regardless of what situation we find ourselves in. It’s a good time for me to get out of my own head and pursue the things I know will put a smile on my face.

I’ll leave you with this… If I look back on the time since I wrote here last the most important lesson I personally have learned is about making assumptions. We all make them every day about everyone we see and know and it’s not healthy. I think the reality is there can only be one assumption safely made and that is that each and everyone has their struggles whether they are blatantly evident, more personal, invisible or even unknown. Assumptions are easily made and often completely wrong so I ask you to please practice the same compassion you have with others as you have with me and hopefully we can all continue to lift each other collectively.

Books almost always have chapters for ease of navigation. The chapters are almost always listed in a table of contents. -Wikipedia

My how things would be different if this were true to the chapters of life. Our chapters are not for ease of navigation and a table of contents will certainly not be found at any point. Our chapters are different, a new fresh start, a time to start telling a story irrelevant to the chapter before. I have once again reached that point in my life where a new chapter will begin but since it has been nine months since the last time I’ve checked in with you all I wanted to give you some cliff notes on where things are at with me since I last wrote.

Love-

It can take an incredible amount of sacrifice to unconditionally love someone. By no means does that mean that everyone sacrifices to love. Ultimately we are all drawn to love someone because of an inexplicable reaction in our brains that overpowers us with the willingness to do whatever it takes to be with that person. I think many people find that in some cases over time it’s natural for love to become less black and white and a little greyer. There are a lot of things that can break relationships down and in my case with Katrina we had led each other into situations that ultimately did not work for us as individuals. We both felt strongly we needed to work on our individuality for a while before we could be good for anyone in a relationship. An important chapter of my life has now come to a close and I hope that both of us are better people for having written it together.

Family-

I’m embarrassed to say that it has taken me way too long to appreciate the importance of family. Another thing that I took for granted I guess. The last few months have been a shuffle of dynamics, roles and support structures for my family and I really couldn’t have a better one by my side. After Katrina and I split up back in October the following weeks and months had me coming to a realization that will be very important for the rest of my life… Help is always there if you know how to ask for it and receive it and there’s no one we would rather help than our own blood. I also recently learned some very important lessons about what I have put my family through over the past three years and all there is to be said is I wish it upon no one.

Friends-

Friendship is something that I have never taken for granted. The beautiful thing about friendship is that each and every one of us has something to teach each other but it takes friends to actually learn from one another. My many friends in this life have taught me so much about who I want to be as a person, who I am expected to be as a person and how I can become that person. The last three years for me have been tough in regards to losing friends. First it was Shane while I was in the hospital then it was CR then three years to the day of my injury I get a phone call about the one and only Sarah. Each of these people had so much to teach us about the way they live their lives, so much we can take on with us every day in their memories and infectious smiles and constant positive energy. I guess ultimately the question is what do we learn from our friends… those that are now gone have just as much to teach us as the next you will meet. I have learned that there is no guarantee at tomorrow, there is no sense in trying to control the uncontrollable, explain the unexplainable and there is no reason not to love yourself because someone out there loves you.

Riley-

I’m not going to lie it’s been a heavy couple months. The stress of buying a house, the end of a six-year relationship, a complete change in my support system and watching a friend slip through our fingers = therapy needed. Being paralyzed is the least of my worries.

As many of you know from reading here it was quite a challenge for me to find accessible housing since I’ve been in Portland. Our ultimate goal was to build or remodel something to meet my specific accessibility needs but getting there was a slow process. I am ecstatic to announce that my search will be over as of the end of this month! Katrina was instrumental in helping me find the appropriate house that could be remodeled for accessibility so I will be forever grateful to her for going through that hugely stressful process. Moving into an accessible home is really going to make a world of difference for me that no able body person could really understand unless you spent a week in my chair. Want to give a huge thank you to my Dad for stepping in as job foreman, Joseph and Julie for all your creative genius and support, my Mom, Brother, Hera, Amos, Coryna, Leana and Kirsten for all their help on the site and once again Katrina for motivating me all the way through closing.

Another big step in the right direction coming around the corner for me is getting back on the road again! I really truly have some amazing people in my life and they want to see me driving so we are going to make it happen! The freedom that driving on my own will bring back into my life is much anticipated… Need to thank Katrina for her help getting my vehicle situation dialed it wouldn’t have happened without her undying dedication to see me moving forward. Now I gets to be at ?? miles per hour…

My body is good all things considered. As far as a medical diagnosis goes I am considered plateaued meaning highly unlikely to gain back any additional function from here forward. Not giving up hope on modern medicine but my body’s nervous system has healed itself as much as possible. I am so lucky to have my mom acting as my personal nutritionist as she is quite educated in the field. Mostly just working on physical therapy to get my arms as strong as can be so I can get in a sit ski this fall!

Work is great, love the challenge, love the people, love uncle Phil and love Nike!

Starting writing is always the hardest for me because it always starts with my scripted excuses of why I haven’t been doing it enough, thanking everyone for the constant ongoing support which I am still thriving off of and apologies for not getting back to as many of you as I wish I could… so now that that’s out of the way…

Life has been pretty damn good to me lately! I am truly blessed in every aspect of my life right now with Katrina, family, friends, work and our new puppy Quill… it’s all good! Every once in awhile when I take that much needed step back and soak it all in I don’t know how I came to be this blessed. January 11th was the two-year anniversary of breaking my neck and I thought I would be able to reflect at that point, May 7th was my two-year anniversary from leaving Craig Hospital and once again I thought I might be able to reflect on the past two years. I thought that writing everything down that happened to me in the past two years might have some sort of therapeutic advantage to my well-being but I found in my reflection process that internally I still have a lot of grieving going on for what I’ve gone through and put everyone I love through. It’s a really hard thing to explain and I wouldn’t expect anyone to understand, but in my shoes you can often feel like a burden on those around you and it’s a hard pill to swallow. Every time I say that to someone they say “Oh no you’re crazy you aren’t a burden to anyone”, and I know somewhere inside that they’re telling the truth but at the end of the day the feeling doesn’t go away. Going from being a strong independent young man, gallivanting all over the globe, not giving a shit about what lay around the corner or what I was leaving in my dust, to a somewhat helpless young man searching for what my real purpose in life is and trying to make sense of what I’ve learned thus far has been my life’s greatest challenge. I’m lucky I’ve got enough amazing people in my life to keep my head on straight and a great job that keeps me engaged and aspiring to accomplish more with my life because without that and without the freedom to run across town to meet up with a friend, go for a bike ride or run to let off some steam, do something spontaneous or even get in and out of bed on my own accord, I fear I would be groveling in my own self-pity. Thus far I’ve been able to chase away my sporadic onsets of depression brought on from the realization that spontaneity is hard to come by with the true gifts that I have surrounding me every day. I guess the moral of this rant is the thing I miss the most about my former body was the ability to be spontaneous and participate in the activities that I grew up loving. Now at the mention of going to see a concert, going out of town for business or friends getting together to skate, go to the mountain, play soccer or whatever… all that comes into my mind is the logistics involved if I even want to go and not necessarily participate. One of my friends asked me the other night what I’m doing to keep myself sane, what kind of activities do I have that help me relieve stress and get outside of the grind and have some fun…? Currently I’m short on answers.

I’m not sharing any of this because I want anyone’s pity or even advice for that matter. I’m just writing and this is what’s bubbling up. It’s hard not to be honest about yourself when you’re writing and I’ve always said that this is a form of self exploration so maybe the reason I decided to write here today is to stimulate some sort of ideas for myself that I can activate on so that I can actually feel like I’m having fun again. Don’t by any means take that as my life isn’t fun, I have plenty of laughs, I’m getting my sense of humor back as I feel more comfortable with new people and my reinvented life and being with Katrina and Quill are the happiest times of my life. I guess going from being an adrenaline junkie to sitting in a wheelchair it’s inevitable you have to slow down but when you’re slamming on the brakes the seat belt can get a bit uncomfortable. I know I’m going to find something that makes me fulfilled personally again and that time is eagerly anticipated. I’m glad I’m writing here today because it’s really inspiring me to get out there and find it… whatever it ends up being.

So enough about the void as it’s also important that I share with you the glass half full perspective. The mental growth and maturity that I’ve gained from the last two years is pretty insane when I really think about it. Imagine yourself sitting in a bathtub full of cement and that’s where you have to spend the majority of everyday… somehow I’m figuring out how to have patience with all the paralysis, spasticity, pain and helplessness that I feel when I am in my cement with no escape route in site. I have to be proud of myself for that because it even just saying it… reflecting on it… I’ve surprised myself with what I’ve been able to overcome and accomplish in my mind. I told Katrina the day she was driving me to the airport, also the last time she would see me walk, that I had always felt since I was a young kid that I was going to have to overcome something incredibly challenging in my life or that something big was going to happen to me… the day I came out of sedation in ICU I looked at her and mouthed “this is it”. I guess that feeling is what’s given me the strength to accept what’s happened to me and try and move forward with patience as though it had little effect. I’m glad that I can look back with no regrets and that I never wish to go back and change anything because despite everything that I miss… the mental growth is something that I would never give back.

I’ve had a really hard time with people telling me what I’m going through is “inspiring”. I think the reason for this is that even though they are doubting their own ability to go through this type of situation somehow I take it as an insult that it wouldn’t be the expectation of me to not skip a beat. Feels like people may not really know me as well as I’d like. I look at other people’s lives and all the shit that everyone goes through at one point or another and you can find a story of “inspiration” in the person closest to you right now and everyone you pass on the street. Everyone has their own mountains to climb in their life and I’m glad I got to climb some of mine literally before figuratively. Right now I’m at the base camp of Everest and maybe someday I’ll feel comfortable being called an inspiration when I’m standing on top. For now I’m just trying the best I can to be the same Riley I was before my injury, before moving to a place where no one really knows me, before I lost the most important part of what has molded me into who I am… traveling the world with great friends, making films, being fortunate enough to see places most people will never see and do things most people will never do. I will miss all those things but the most important things that I have left are my friends from every stage of life and for you all I’m going to keep climbing.

I really truly appreciate all the ongoing support and I pull from it every day as strength to move forward, never backward and always up.

Seven months… God time has been flying by! I realize I’m not writing here nearly often enough and I apologize to those of you who have checked back in on me and haven’t found anything for the past little while. When I finally found a moment to write here today I looked back at my last post and the comments people have left and at first I couldn’t believe it had been seven whole months since the last time I shared with all of you where I’m at! Secondly it brought tears to my eyes to see the outpouring of support still coming my way and it’s a smack in the face that I need to absorb more of that support to keep me pointed in the right direction. So much can happen in seven months the good news is we are in a much better place than when I last wrote here!

Katrina and I remained very much in the position we were in the last time I wrote until the end of June when a spur of the moment decision had us scouring Portland for something, anything that would work to get us out of our hotel room (the one we are forbidden to mention). Within a week we had found an apartment that somewhat served our needs, great location, more space for me to roll but still lacking the accessibility features I will one day need in my home. Within a week we had signed the lease called upon our old friend Jake to load our storage unit into a truck and drive from Colorado to Portland, had my brother come down from Vancouver, and watched the both of them unload our home. We also shuffled away the majority of our possessions into a storage unit to call upon when we actually have a house that we feel comfortable to fully unwind into.

This move was a huge turning point for us this summer as it finally got us into a better space where we could start to accept some of the help that was abundantly waiting for us to call upon. Katrina had not been home to Michigan in quite some time so we had my Mom come and trained her in my daily care so that Katrina (the trainer) could go home and visit her family! This was much needed as she has been by my side and my primary caregiver since the first day she showed up in ICU back in January 2009. It was great getting to spend some time with my Mom and at the same time it was an eye-opening experience that I did not feel comfortable having her as my fallback. It’s a very hard thing to bring a third party into your life to take care of the most necessary human functions but there are definitely boundaries that come up from having the people you love the most a little too close sometimes. However having my Mom trained to be my caregiver has been great as it also allowed Katrina to take another week and go be a bridesmaid in her good friend Alyssa’s wedding in New Mexico. Each time Katrina got to take a little vacation she came back refreshed and ready to take on the world once again.

Katrina and I also got the opportunity to do some traveling which was great as traveling was such a huge part of our lives before my injury. First we went down to Huntington Beach for the US Open of surfing where I had a big Nike summit with coworkers joining us from all over the globe. Katrina’s best friend Lexi lives in LA and they got to spend some quality time together while I was in meetings which was great for her and we also got to run into our good friend Jake who was also in town for the Nike meetings. Jake has been an integral part of our lives since my injury from the second he turned me over in the pool and saved me from drowning through the countless trips to storage and moving us from Boulder to California to Oregon and another trip from Colorado to Oregon. Jake’s one of those people that would do anything for anyone and we are blessed to have him on this earth and as our friend. He even reluctantly stood in for me as Katrina’s dance partner as we all took on the final party of the event until the wee hours of the morning.

Our next traveling experience was a two-week vacation to Canada for a film festival in Montréal and a wedding in Pemberton BC. This was such a special trip! Everything went smoothly on the travel side (which as you can imagine sometimes it doesn’t) spending a week in Montréal with many of our great friends from the ski industry and watching all the latest greatest ski movies was quite a treat. Once again we got to connect with Jake as well as Simon and his girlfriend Charlie who we hadn’t seen in quite some time. I also got to spend some quality time with my good friends Eric Iberg and Tanner Hall who showed their documentary “Like a Lion” the raw story of Tanners life, a must-see film. I hadn’t seen either of them since our friend CR passed away so it was emotional for me on many levels. After watching their film I just buried my head in Katrina’s chest and cried. When I realize how many brotherhoods and friends I have been blessed to have in this crazy life of mine I can’t help but be proud as so many of us are growing out of what we once were into the possibilities of what we will one day become. Our trip to Montréal was capped off with a super cowboy Cessna flight arranged by the event organizer and good friend JF. It was a great way to see the city but our life was definitely in the hands of a crazy Frenchman and I’m not sure everything we were up to was legal.

After Montréal we shot back to Vancouver where we spent a couple days in my old stomping grounds Squamish with our good friends Sarah and Rory before their wedding up in Pemberton which was another gathering of great friends and a very beautiful and special uniting of two people who just belong together! I was lucky enough to spend quite a few years traveling the world with Rory and filming his crazy antics and his relationship with Sarah unfolded in front of my eyes on some of our film trips. It was very special to see such great people unite in such a beautiful place with such a beautiful community around them! We left Canada with a very special import… my brother Travis! Travis has lived in Vancouver the last five years attending university and I’m more than happy to announce that he is now our neighbor living in Portland and working for Katrina at Bobknits and also just a phone call away for anything I might need. It’s been really special to get to spend more time with Travis, we both were on such different paths for a number of years that it seemed like I lost touch with who my brother had become as an adult. I’m happy to report he’s a standup dude!

Coming back from Canada it was time to jump right back into things at Nike, as it never really slows down around here. I couldn’t be happier with my work situation, my colleagues, the environment, the projects and the challenges. The amazing opportunity to work for such a great company is keeping me engaged and excited to go to work everyday. I know that’s a rarity and I’m trying to cherish every moment and learn from all the incredibly talented people surrounding me.

There have definitely been a couple other highlights this summer and fall. Friends coming to visit from Southern California, spent some time with Katrina’s dad, got to spend some quality time with my mom and a few visits here and there with my dad (he’s been quite busy working on fishing boats in Alaska, living the life). My good friend Johnny brought his new windsurfing film to Portland for a screening and as I sat in the back of the theater and watched it with him getting all the editorial notes on the amazing action going on in front of me one thing he said to me really stuck… “You know the only really important thing in life is our friends, nothing else matters as long as we have each other”.

I consider myself one of the luckiest people on this earth. My support system is dedicated and unwavering every moment of every day. Every moment I have free there is someone I need to get back to, someone that’s reached out to me to lend their support or their friendship or because memories that need to be shared have resurfaced. If I could wish for one thing it would be for an extra couple hours in the day that I could spend connecting with all of you so that you know your support is not going unheard or unfelt. For those of you who’ve called me an inspiration I am truly touched that I could inspire you in any way. Being an inspiration to anyone is definitely big shoes to fill and it’s humbling that any of you would see inspiration in my situation.

Because honestly I didn’t have to look too hard to find the amazing people that are in my life and those amazing people are the ones that made me decide to pick myself up, dust myself off and continue being Riley. My body may be hurt but my mind and my heart are as strong as ever and I wouldn’t trade that for anything. If there’s anything to be learned from or inspired by from what I’m going through it’s that human connection is priceless so take advantage of every one you come across.

I’ve been asked a bunch lately why I don’t write in my blog anymore, and it’s a good question. Writing here seemed to be therapeutic for me through certain stages of my injury and rehabilitation and I think it still is, just realistically I don’t have a lot of time in my day-to-day to give a lot of thought to my overall situation, or maybe I avoid it. As of late when I do get the chance to communicate with friends, family and coworkers I’ve found myself really trying to make this all out to be no big deal, something that’s easy for me to handle and that not a whole lot has really changed. I guess it kind of intimidates me to write here very often, as it’s a sort of self-exploration that I don’t always have the emotional strength to deal with.

I would be lying if I told you it is easy for us to get settled in to our new life in Oregon. The challenges that come along with being a quadriplegic significantly cut down our options for housing, and it has become an incredibly frustrating situation that not many people could hope to understand. As a result we have now lived in a hotel room, completely on top of each other, for six months. The majority of my time with Katrina is spent brainstorming about our housing situation, looking for a better situation or listening to Katrina download what she has found out in that regard (she spends a lot of time on this).

I would be lying if I told you it was easy to have chosen my career over my rehabilitation. I consider myself extremely lucky to have the job that I do and to work with such an amazing and inspiring group of people. I’m completely engaged on a day-to-day basis and I love doing what I’m doing. There is a positive aspect in that I feel normal when I’m at work and I don’t feel anyone I work with sees me as being any less capable because I’m in a chair. Realistically I don’t think if I would have chosen to not pursue my career it would have led to any more focus on rehabilitation, as rehabilitation is expensive, hard to find and consumes not only my time but that of my family. It’s not like when I broke my neck I received some sort of settlement that would have made it easy for me to go focus on my body for the next couple years and living on an income stipend from Medicaid doesn’t necessarily allow a focus on rehabilitation.

I would be lying if I told you it was easy to not feel humiliated and helpless being totally reliant or my loved ones for my care. The times during the day when I have to ask for help or medically require help are definitely the times when the impact that this injury is going to have on my life hits home the hardest for me. You never realize how many things in your day-to-day life you take for granted until they are lost.

I would be lying if I told you it was easy to listen to the stories people tell me about “their friend in a wheelchair who is so amazing because they can do this or that” only to find out their friend is a paraplegic and they don’t know the difference. All I can do is shrug and say wouldn’t it be nice. The challenges I face not being able to use my hands or having full strength in my arms has definitely become the most annoying aspect of this injury.

I would be lying if I told you it was easy to sleep at night. The discomfort of not being able to move is one thing but waking up at three o’clock in the morning from spasticity and not being able to fall back asleep because my mind wont stop racing is another. I try my hardest to focus on making connections in my body and on the healing that still lies ahead but it’s a challenge to not get caught up in the reality of the moment that I can’t readjust without waking up Katrina (who deserves what little sleep she gets).

I would be lying if I told you I didn’t miss my good friend CR Johnson. CR and I had a long-standing relationship; I first met CR when I was 17 and my first filming trip was a month in Alaska with him, Evan and Tanner. Since then we’ve shared a friendship that is very common in the ski community and many were lucky to share with CR. When I got hurt CR immediately reached out to me and was such a powerful and positive person to share what I was going through with that we spoke often. I was lucky enough to have CR spend a couple days with Katrina, Tyler and I in Los Angeles this summer and the memories that came out of that brief visit will always bring a smile to my face. I spoke with CR the day before he passed away and he kept saying “after all we’ve been through think of what we’re going to be like when we’re 40” (for those of you who don’t know CR suffered a traumatic brain injury in 05’ and just this past year reclaimed his place at the top of professional skiing). The thing we most shared in common was the mental growth that is a result of going through a traumatic injury; hearing about his death the next day was like getting punched in the throat and it’s still hard to swallow.

I would be lying if I told you it was easy to follow the world that I was once so much a part of on TV and the Internet. I miss making films and all the traveling, friendship, teamwork and good times that came along with it. I have incredible pride in watching my friends succeed at what they love but it’s hard not being there with them.
*Big thanks to Jossi Wells for rocking my sticker all season on his way to becoming overall AFP world champion!

I would be lying if I told you it was easy to stay hopeful after being paralyzed for over a year. I am constantly reminding myself that healing from this injury is going to be just as much mental as physical work. It’s so incredibly hard to not settle into the reality of my situation without feeling like I’m losing the hope that is going to change my situation.

I would be lying if I told you it was easy to stay in touch with all of you who are consistently and constantly reaching out sending your support. If anything I wish I had a few more hours in my week specifically for this. I usually get to fit in about one phone call a day on my way home from work so it’s a slow process getting back to people but I’m thinking of all of you constantly and feeding off your energy. When I do get the opportunity to read the comments here or log on to my Facebook it really energizes me to make the most out of each and every day. For those of you who find inspiration in what I’ve gone through, it’s humbling, and I’ve written this to let you know it isn’t as easy as I may make it look.

A true community is hard to find these days. I grew up in a town where you couldn’t drive down the highway without waiving at every single car that passed. Not only did we greet each other but also we looked after one another. The adults in the community didn’t avoid the children and the children didn’t disregard the adults. Everyone worked in unison to support the families that were having a hard go and there was always an outreached hand if you were down. One of the sad realities of life is that not everyone is lucky enough to grow up in a ski town community and those of us who were, are not always lucky enough to never leave.

Whether you grew up in a ski town or you visit one once a year, whether you ski 250 days a year or 1, or if every time you think about skiing you realize you’re probably not going to be as good as you were last year. We all end up sharing a common bond of knowing the feeling of sliding on snow. That makes us a community, a community that spans the globe. Each and every year we invite more to join us while simultaneously losing a few here and there to careers, old bones, broken bones and every now and then a realization that we’re not as young as we once were. I don’t consider myself old, but I’m definitely not what I used to be on the mountain. This year for me I will undergo my most drastic change. For the first time in my life if I want to feel that sliding sensation that we are all chasing, I will be doing it sitting down.

When I broke my neck nearly a year ago I realized right away that I wouldn’t be skiing at the same level I was just the day before for quite some time. As I lay paralyzed in a hospital bed I wondered if the community that I had been a part of since age 2 would slip away from me. I was having a hard time understanding what my life would be like if it didn’t revolve around waiting for winter and skiing when it came. At that moment what I was going through was so confusing all I could do was hope and pray that it wasn’t going to last forever and that someday I would ski again.

The X-Games were televised the week I came out of sedation and it was a much-needed break from my reality. Instead of lying there and envisioning my coming success I could watch my friends on TV and their current successes. Much to my surprise the first friend I saw on TV had a bright orange Riley Poor sticker on his helmet! That was the moment that I realized just how lucky I am to be part of such an amazing community. I had my family pull up the Powder Awards live webcast on my computer because just like the X-Games, I wasn’t going to miss that no matter who was breathing for me.

The outpouring of support that I received that night and every day since, has given me the energy that one would expect you need to deal with a life-changing injury. As I watched those familiar faces flash across the screen that evening it hit me how tight knit the ski community really is. I realize that in that room that night, every person could reach out and touch the person next to them and have a story and memories that they will forever share with that person. Then I started thinking about all the people who weren’t necessarily in that room and the interconnectedness of every lift ride, every lift line, every powder day and every inch we’ve ever moved on our skis. Everyone was somehow connected and together we formed a family.

The way the ski community has come together and supported myself and my family through the last year has made me realize that together we form a web that no one can fall through. I want to send my sincerest thanks to everyone that has helped prop me up through this challenging time with your positive energy, continuous outreach, generous donations, and amazing encouragement. I am incredibly lucky to be a part of such an amazing sport and will proudly call myself a skier for life.

So it’s been 6 months and 7 days since Riley’s accident and this was supposed to be his “golden time”. The time in which you get the most back because hopefully, by now the swelling has gone down around the contusion. However last week on Tuesday Riley woke up and he had without warning lost everything he had gained. All the sensation from his nipples down was gone and when I scratched his feet he couldn’t feel it. We immediately went to the hospital and saw his spinal cord doc she ordered an emergency MRI in fear that he had post traumatic swelling of his spinal cord. In which case he would have to have another surgery. However the results of the MRI were much more damaging then the idea of another surgery. The MRI shows that Riley has damage to his brain stem indicating a possible stroke. When and if that stroke may have occurred is unknown at this time. I had to track down all the other MRIs and x-rays from the other three hospitals and we still have to meet with a neurologist in order to decipher what this news means.

However the thing is that Riley’s spinal cord doc said there was no explanation for him being able to feel his feet in the first place after reviewing the most recent MRI. She said all the swelling and blood was gone and what remains is a very damaged spinal cord.
With that being said, Riley is obviously still trying to wrap his head around this discouraging confusing news. In the meantime he has decided to take the high road staying positive, refusing to give up hope and taking life one step at a time. As many of you know Riley’s current film project titled “Transitions” has been his passion for the last two years and he continues to work hard at it every day he’s still planning to release it in September.

The next time you talk to Riley, please don’t ask him how his progress is coming along or how the physical therapy is going. You can imagine how frustrating it is to reiterate this news to everyone who checks in on him, he will bring up his progress when it is right for him. The last thing either of us wants to admit is that he is starting at the foot of the mountain again with no view of the peak in sight just blinded by the sun trying to hike up a road that doesn’t exist.

We remain hopeful and convinced that the body and brain remain unexplainable to modern medicine and since they can’t explain how he did it before, and they can’t explain how he lost it. Then they won’t be able to explain when he summits that enormous peak and proves them wrong once again.