Dalton McGuinty, spiritual father of Ontario, as well as being Liberal leader and premier, is campaigning for re-election on the Father Knows Best ticket, in which he surveys the province with the wizened gaze of experience and determines who he can best help today.

The Premier looked upon the land on Tuesday and realized that Ontarians need greater help in caring for their loved ones. Mr. McGuinty’s government, of course, already does its level best to ensure every citizen is fully cared for under the benevolence of the health care system to which he devotes so much of his energy, but still, as he often says, “Even Premier Dad can always do a bit better.”

Accordingly, he promised that, should voters see fit to return him for yet another term in October, he will mandate an expansion of the family medical leave program, which allows workers to take time off to care for relatives with six months left to live. Under the expanded program, Father McGuinty would ensure that everyone is guaranteed eight weeks off work to look after elderly relatives, loved ones with illnesses or injured family members. They wouldn’t get paid — not that Mr. McGuinty wouldn’t give them the money out of his own pocket if he could — but at least they’ll know their job will be waiting for them.

There’s only one catch. Well, maybe two. First, Premier Dad needs to be re-elected, because we all know the evil Tories don’t care about families or the elderly, and would never recognize the need for this sort of thing, the way Liberals do. Second, and this is a bit more problematic, but Premier Dad can’t pay for the program. See, he spent all the money in his first two terms. And he has this annoying deficit to deal with. So the plan can only be implemented if that nice Mr. Harper fellow in Ottawa agrees to make the caregivers eligible to receive Employment Insurance payments.

He doesn’t actually know if Mr. Harper will agree, but if not, he can blame the Conservatives for scuppering his generous, heart-felt offer to aid Ontarians at their time of need. That could only enhance his Dadness, at a time he’s trying to convey the importance of keeping him in office so we can all rely on him to look after us for another four years.

Now, naysayers may question the sincerity of Premier Dad on this proposal, seeing as how he’s making promises he can’t actually keep without Ottawa picking up the tab, and waiting until a few weeks before the election rather than introducing it when he had a chance during the previous seven years he’s been in office. But that would be so cynical. Shame on anyone who lets such notions enter their head. Hasn’t Mr. McGuinty’s selflessness taught you anything?

Of course, the Conservatives could play the same game. For instance, provincial leader Tim Hudak could promise a 100% rebate on all fuel bills between November and April, conditional on Ottawa agreeing to pay the cost. Or he could guarantee a free flight to the nearest U.S. hospital and all medical bills covered any time the Ontario health system fails to provide prompt service, as long as Mr. Harper agrees it will go on the federal tab instead of the provincial one. There’s so much you can promise when you don’t have to worry about paying for it.

But that would be dirty pool for Mr. Hudak to steal Mr. McGuinty’s idea. Let him think up his own scams. You have to be tricky if you want to be premier, and if Mr. Hudak can’t dream up similarly inventive wheezes, maybe he’s not ready to fill Premier Dad’s sizeable shoes just yet.