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May 30, 2013

Somehow, Lloyd didn’t find
much solace in noting that the desk before him had gotten no less cluttered
since yesterday. If anything, the towers
of paper and bunches of pens looked more massive than before. But even so, they looked slightly smaller, if
only because of the even-larger throne that loomed from behind. He’d half-expected the smell of dried-out
fish, but instead he caught wind of something very near to burgers and ice
cream -- or a few super-sized shakes, perhaps.
He wasn’t sure if his mind could handle the image of a shake made from
burgers, though.

But he kept his mouth
shut and his hands on his knees. On his
left, Trixie fared no better; she might have had four years and almost three
inches on Lloyd, but she looked like a preschooler who’d gotten caught making
off with the cookie jar. In stark
contrast, Mrs. Overdose looked about ready to take a nap. Somehow, the sight of cabinets and framed
photos of fishermen didn’t do it for her, so she just swished her reed idly
through her mouth.

Trixie nudged Lloyd in the
elbow. “So what happens now?” she
asked. “Ya already got expelled once,
didn’t ya? He can’t do it again, can
he?”

May 29, 2013

So if
you remember this post, you may know that my brother and I have had
on-again, off-again discussions about making our own webcomic. Or maybe just a comic in general. Or some kind of story, at least. Truth be told, it wouldn’t be the first time;
with him on art duty and me on story duty, we actually made a couple of little
picture books when we were younger. We
made a story about hamster commandos, and another story about stick figures
roped into a magical world. And…well, I
guess that’s about it, but the point still stands -- if the two of us sat down
and put something together, I have a sneaking suspicion we could make a truly
astounding (or at least mildly entertaining) product.

The problem, of course,
is that we actually have to sit down and decide what kind of story we’re going
to make. If you’ve been reading this
blog for long, you probably know what my tastes are by now -- and I’m almost
certain that a lot of my tastes aren’t going to appeal to dear old big
bro. Troublesome as he may be, I don’t
think that he’s so difficult as to shoot down any idea that isn’t his own. And indeed, the two of us teaming up to make
a comic seems like a potentially-smart move.

Well, either that, or
an abysmal space-time vortex that removes the very concept of joy from the
universe. Could go either way, I think.

May 27, 2013

Arjuna fell backwards,
and scampered behind Lloyd like a frightened crab. “I knew it!
I knew it! I knew this would
happen!” He managed to climb to his feet,
but did so while using Lloyd as leverage -- and cowering behind him, of
course. “See? You really are a troublemaker!”

“In many ways, yes,”
Lloyd admitted. He took a step back,
forcing Arjuna to do the same. “But in
this case, I can’t quite think of a reason why I’d be targeted. Least of all by serpent lovers like these.”

One of the masked men
chuckled. “Purple hair, glasses, and
talks like a doofus…that’s our man, all right.”
He popped his knuckles, while the thug on the left brandished a chain,
and the one on the right showed off his spiffy new crowbar. “All right, b’s and g’s -- hand over
Shakespeare without a fight, and we promise we won’t hurt any of ya…much.”

That got a response -- because
nothing could rouse a student council like the threat of violence.

May 24, 2013

He’s known for a few
Let’s Plays, his God Hand LP well
among them. I haven’t seen his work
before, but I’ve known about him for a while…and by coincidence, ended up finding
out he and his posse did a blind LP of Final
Fantasy 13-2. And what started out
as a simple playthrough ended up becoming a 100% completion run. And they did it. It took them a whopping eighty-three hours,
but they did it. Indeed, in the final
video each member of the posse talks in turn about how terrible the game is and
why it’s terrible. That might have just
been a consequence of plunging head-first into the abyss of insanity, though
(which you can see just by looking
at the video titles and the descriptions).
Frankly, I’m surprised none of them are laid up in rubber rooms.

So you’re probably
wondering why I’m bringing up 13-2 after
I slammed the book shut on the game; making this post seems largely
unnecessary, and even harmful. It goes
beyond just beating a dead horse; it’s more like digging up a dead horse’s
corpse, performing black magic to turn it into an equine undead, slashing it to
pieces with Frank West’s paddle-saws, kicking the pieces back into its grave
King Leonidas style, and then doing the same thing after a five-minute recess
and a swig of root beer. I acknowledge
that. But I said I was going to finish
the game, and there’s been a part of me that regrets not being able to. It felt like I was leaving so much on the
table.

So it’s time for me to
fix that. Will Final Fantasy 13-2 find redemption at long last? Will there be a glimmer of hope in its final
hours?

No. No, it won’t.
It just gets worse.

Spoilers inbound. But whatever.
If you’re playing this game for the story, I would recommend a
reconsideration of your tastes and standards.

May 23, 2013

“I wonder if ‘being
held at gunpoint’ is going to be the trend of the day.” Nevertheless,
Lloyd held up his hands and offered a disarming smile. “Pondering aside, let me be the first to say
there’s no need for violence, Arjuna.
We’re both more than capable of talking this out. Lay down your arms, and I’ll gladly prove I’m
no reason to brandish a crossbow.” He
took a step forward, and --

Ka-SWISH-GRESSIVE
NEGOTIATIONS!

An arrow whizzed by
Lloyd’s ear before he could even bring down his foot. “…Okay, I can see you’re more than a bit
serious about puncturing my brain,” he said, leaping back two feet, “but I’d
really prefer if you didn’t. I like my
skull the way it is, you see.” He pulled
his foot away, and took another step back just to be safe. “See?
I’m no danger to you.”

“D-don’t screw with me,
Lloyd! I know you!” Arjuna started to take aim, though Lloyd
wondered if he’d manage another warning shot with such a shaky grip. “I know you’re trouble -- especially
now! Especially since you’re here! Especially if you’re near me!”

Lloyd could only (try
to) smile, hoping that it’d help disarm Arjuna.
It didn’t, of course. If
anything, he looked more and more eager to pull the trigger, his eyes bulging
and knees knocking. A part of him
doubted that his crossbow -- a small mishmash of plastic, duct tape,
poorly-sawed wood, and even bits of cardboard -- could fire a lethal bolt. Then again, considering that Arjuna’s first
shot still hung from the wall, Lloyd didn’t have much reason to doubt his
handiwork at the moment.

May 21, 2013

Admittedly, this is
coming from someone who’s always at least two years behind on the latest tech
trends (ask me about my cell phone!), but I have to say I don’t see the point
behind some of these music services. Don’t
get me wrong, I’m not advocating pirating music; I’m just saying that if you’re
out for good songs, you won’t be left wanting -- and you don’t have to spend a
cent. I’ve made a couple of full CDs out
of songs from Newgrounds composers, and gotten some great satisfaction out of
them. OverClocked Remix is absolutely
packed to the brim with high-quality, high-impact tunes, and can applea to your
sensibilities whether you know the game songs each remix handles or not (pro
tip: go download EVERYTHING by Sixto Sounds). Artists will occasionally offer entire
soundtracks online for free, whether they’re by game composers or not. And that’s ignoring the existence of YouTube.

The tradeoff for this
is that I’m severely limited in my
knowledge of current music stars and trends; IIRC when asked about what the
difference was between the music of Katy Perry and Taylor Swift, my response
was “Maybe they’re isn’t one, and they’re both robots out to conquer the world
with audio-based brainwashing for their villainous overlords.” I don’t know what a Nicki Minaj is supposed
to be, but it sounds unpleasant. Even
meme-tastic songs like “Gangam Style” and “Call Me Maybe” (I think that’s what
it’s called) are lost on me. Then again,
the tradeoff for that is an intimate connection with video game music -- and
when that music is firing on all cylinders, man oh man is it something else.

Which brings me to
today’s post -- and the Repository’s first video game-themed song.

May 20, 2013

Patton pulled the van
into a distant parking lot and turned off the engine. “Can’t say I blame you there, son,” he said with
a slow shrug. “But right now, I’m
starting to think we’re running low on options.”

“Don’t remind me.” JP tapped his against the van’s floor with
arms folded; every so often, his foot would knock about a slim duffle bag. “I would have liked a little help here and
there -- but so far, nothing.” The tiny
tween shook his head and sighed. “What
was I thinking, expecting rational
thought from someone here in Porbeagle?”

May 18, 2013

Welcome back. Ready for another round (finally)? Cool. Let’s start with a test of will.

Before I say anything
else on some old JRPGs, I want to make one thing in particular clear:
personally, I don’t JRPGs are doing so poorly this generation. That’s not to say that the genre as a whole
has been without problems today or yesterday (it hasn’t), or that they’ve been
immune to the changes of the industry (they haven’t). If you’ll let me be a little bold -- or let
me repeat something I’ve said in passing before -- I think we have the
current-gen misadventures of Final
Fantasy to blame for JRPGs falling out of favor. Whether or not the franchise has been good
for years is and always will be up for debate, but there’s denying that it’s
the biggest name and face of the genre.
If it falters, everyone else falters -- it’s the engraved assumption
that if “the best in the genre” can’t put out a good product, none of them
can. Granted other titleshave made their failuresapparent as well, but when you consider which company’s name is
on the label of those boxes…well, pattern recognition is unavoidable.

But make no mistake, we
have gotten, are getting, and will keep getting good JRPGs. A little while ago, Ni no Kuni came out -- and while I haven’t gotten around to playing
it in depth just yet, from what I gather it’s a solid (if not great) game
that’s not just a rise to glory for the genre, but maybe one of the best JRPGs
in years. This, of course, is the same
slot that Xenoblade Chronicles occupied
not too long ago. And before that, there
was still Lost Odyssey. And let’s not forget the release of a handful
of Atlus/Shin Megami Tensei titles,
each one deserving of its own sort of praise.

Speaking of which, I’d
say it’s about time to give one of those games its due. So let’s get in deep with some good
JRPGs…with the Fair Lady Hendricks -- and later in the post, the TRUE face of
beauty -- guiding us.

How do you like your
carrots? Dangled on a stick, or past a
ring of fire?

May 16, 2013

Lloyd might have kept
himself busy at the moment, but he didn’t dare ignore the footsteps echoing
down the hall. He craned his neck toward
it, and his hopes -- for once -- weren’t dashed; Trixie lurched out of the hall
with a yawn, stretching her arms and limbering up her back as sexily as
possible. She pressed a hand against the
wall for leverage, and for a second Lloyd almost felt the need to do the same. “Ugh…hey, pal, I ain’t about to start whinin’
about yer hospitality, but I’m thinkin’ maybe that bed o’ yers ain’t right fer
me. Too classy an’ all.”

“Ah, my apologies, Miss
Walters,” said Lloyd. “I’ll keep your
preferences in mind for tonight. Though
I wonder just what I can do about it outside of offering a new mattress.”

“Don’t stress out over
it. I’ll just…” Trixie rubbed her eyes. Lloyd would have loved to to
hand her a plate of pancakes. Instead,
the most he could offer was a full view of the prince held at gunpoint.

May 13, 2013

The doors to the castle
began to spread, spilling light into its grand hall. As the doors cracked open, the servants
rushed to action; a dozen of them threw the red carpet across the marble floor,
and as it rolled open scores of trumpeters moved into position. They raised their horns high and began their
song of triumph, whilst maidens danced and flung about clouds of confetti.

They’d moved just in
time. For just as the first round of
confetti hit the ground, the prince strode into the grand hall. The horns began their crescendo anew as he
advanced down the carpet -- a knight whose gleaming armor nearly outshone the
sun. Silver and white plates of metal
rustled with each step -- graceful, agile steps, far from those of the common
soldier -- and their amethyst trimmings saw neither scratch nor scuff. He greeted those that fawned over his return
with a wave, his gauntlets giving off a lustrous glow, and his violet scarves
rustling in the wake.

As he walked past
cheering subjects and stone columns, he couldn’t help but smile warmly -- and
then, realize that they’d yet to see his face.
An issue remedied easily enough; he pulled off his helmet and held it
under one arm, allowing himself a moment to take in both fresh air and beaming
sun. And his subjects’ cheers reached a
fever pitch at the sight of his smile.
His luxurious violet hair. His
glimmering hazel eyes, no less radiant from his trusted spectacles.

“My liege! Welcome back!” they cheered -- servants, and
squires, and soldiers, and anyone who’d followed him into the castle. “Welcome back!”

May 10, 2013

It was during an update
for Black Ops 2 (joy of joys) that
the topic shifted to my distaste for CoD.
See, he’s under the impression that I only like Japanese things, given
my talk about Kingdom Hearts and Halo.
Of course in saying so that he revealed that he only SKIMS the blog --
maybe getting no further than the titles -- considering that I’ve slammed both
Japanese AND American games. Apparently
he missed the weeks I spent tearing into Final
Fantasy 13-2, or how I’ve willingly explained that Japanese media has its
faults, or even that I laid into Kingdom
Hearts 2 on multiple occasions…which you think he would have found
instantly, considering that they’re under the same tab.

And this whole “I hate
American games” business? Yeah, no. I hate terrible
things. If a
game gives me enough reason to pick it apart, then I’ll pick it apart -- but if
it does something right, I’ll say so.
I’m pretty damn sure that even though I said Halo 4 was awful in general, it had a bright spot via Cortana -- and by extension, the biggest issue was that she was so
underutilized in comparison to a refrigerator on legs. I’m ALSO pretty sure that I’ve praised Far Cry 3, PlayStation All-Stars, Ratchet
& Clank, and most recently BioShock
Infinite in more than a little detail.

I like American books. American
TV shows. American movies. American comics -- with my favorite hero
being, you know, Captain America. If the work is high-quality, then I don’t
give a damn about its country of origin, and neither should anyone else.

I’ll get deeper into
this topic another day, but for now we’ve got another issue to discuss: Iron Man 3. Is it good?
Is it bad? Well, I know one thing
for sure: it’s definitely American -- and in a lot of ways, that’s all I could
ever ask for.

You know, this is usually the part where I
say SPOILER ALERT, but for once I think I’ll hold off. It’s not that there’s nothing to spoil --
there is, and quite a bit of it -- but I feel like it’s time to do something a
little…different.

May 8, 2013

I’m pretty sure I’ve
mentioned this at one point, but I’d say that for the moment it’s impossible
for me to make a “Top 10 Favorite Games Ever” list. As you can imagine, I’ve played a lot of
games. And as much as I would like to make a
definitive list, I don’t feel like I can without replaying the titles that
would have been in the upper echelon.
And given that I don’t have a fair number of the games I’ve played (and
the means to play them), seeing how they withstood the test of
time and my “evolving tastes” probably isn’t going to happen.

But then a thought
occurred to me. I might not be able to
honor certain games, but I can still honor certain characters. That much should be significantly easier…and
possible. All I need is a little
consideration, some fond memories, and maybe a little root beer on the side.

So let’s have at it
then, shall we? These are my favorite
video game characters…because if the Nostalgia Critic is doing it, then surely
no one else has ever thought of it before.

May 6, 2013

Welcome to the notes page for I Hraet You! Here you'll find a random assortment of information about the story -- kind of like DVD extras, only not in a DVD or consumable without a minor commitment to digesting the info at hand.

Work with me here. I'm a typer, not a movie-er.

...

Anyway, read on for some cool-ish information you won't see anywhere else. Because really, how many people do you know that would go so far to construct a world destined to revolve around a kinda-sorta-psychic harem hunter? Besides you, Jeremy? Whoever you are?

May 2, 2013

Before we keep going,
there’s something that I want to bring up.
Something that’s…well, not critical, but I think it’s an important
distinction to keep in mind. Basically,
the word of the day is “preference”.

In the last part, one
of my biggest issues with the game had to do with Elizabeth. Not because she was a bad character (she
isn’t), but because I wanted her to take the leading role instead of the steely
private investigator Booker DeWitt. That
desire is still within me. I still think
there’s something to be had if Elizabeth was the star -- and while I can’t
quite come up with a way to tweak the gameplay to suit her, it’s still a
possibility that might have worked with a little elbow grease. But here’s the thing: even if they COULD have
made the game from Elizabeth’s perspective, I’m not saying they SHOULD
have. Nor am I saying the game is any
worse off because of it.

That’s the thing about
preference. In the case of Infinite, virtually everything that’s on
display here is objectively good.
Mechanically airtight, intellectually satisfying, sensually
appeasing…like I said before, the high marks it’s earned from magazines and
websites are more deserved than with dozens of games released this
generation. Granted a TENOUTTATEN only
means so much, but surely you get the point.
In the case of preferences, people prefer what this game has to
offer. There’s not much for them to
complain about.

Except for the ending.

WARNING: GOOD GOD, DO NOT READ THIS POST IF YOU
HAVEN’T FINISHED THE GAME. I’M NOT
PLAYING AROUND HERE. GO. LEAVE.
DON’T READ. DON’T MAKE ME DISABLE
YOUR INTERNET FROM HERE. BECAUSE I CAN,
THANKS TO THE POWER OF ANTI-SPOILER TECHNOLOGY.