Nottingham Healthy Foods Magistrates Court Report for June 2025

Case No. 90823903Jonathan Obegabi (19)Unemployed computer hackerFound guilty of eating more than one McDonald's burger in a week.Fined £5000, and had his fast food eating licence suspended for two months.

Case No. 90823904Sayed Maqsood Hashemi (54)Taxi DriverFound Guilty of eating a kebab without a mask on.Fined £55, and received two point on his fast food eating licence.

Case No. 90823905Gheorghe Popesescu (49)Florist and part time ManicuristFound Guilty of eating Ciorba de Burta (Tripe & Onions) not bred or grown within the EU. Also, consuming the same without handing out written warning to neighbours within 500 yards either side of the place of ingestion.Fine 50p, and instructed to give the judge a manicure every week for two years.

Case No. 90823906Juozas Wayne Rooney Baranauskas (56)Pickled walnut tester for the EU Food CommissionFound Guilty of taking bribes and six inches from restaurant owner Gordon Sodding Ramsey Jnr, when his pickled walnuts were found not to up the standard required by EU legislation.Reduced in rank to a class 3 Greggs 95% VAT Cornish Pastie tester.

Case No. 90823907Sławomir Wojciechowski-Uppingham-Smythe (36)Third personal assistant to David Cameron Jnr, Chairman of Barclays Offshore Accounts/InvestmentsFound Not Guilty of nepotism, by allowing his son to consume sterilised milk, and not reporting him.His Uncle the judge awarded him £13million a month in damages for 5 years in compensation.

Case No. 90823908Bartholomew Utterswaithe (89)Retired Security controller, and senile SpooferFound guilty of clandestinely eating two slices of beef dripping with jelly - on white bread, with salt!Because Utterswaith refused to name his supplier, the Judge said he intended to make an example of him, and sentenced him to have his fast food eating licence suspended for five years, fined him £500,000, and instructed him to attend 25 two hour meetings of the Vegan Societies advisory council.

Case No. 90823909Ibenegbu Ndala (51)Debarred pastry chefFound guilty of baking and supplying frosted doughnuts that are very high in sugar and calories, and selling them on Council Parks property, for a profit of 2p each, to children under the age of 55 years.He was forced by the judge The Most Honourable Romulus Baranauskas DBE, to sign the 'Sticky sweet food supplying Offenders list', had his fast food eating licence revoked, and made to attend a four day dentists convention in the Outer Hebrides.

Case No. 90823910Bertha Deblues (74)Retired World Mud Wrestling ChampionessFound guilty of allowing her grandchildren to eat illegally imported milk chocolate from Switzerland, when rehydrated celery granules were readily available.Sentenced to a £300 fine, and having her grandchildren deported to Nigeria to be fed wholesome foods and educated in computer hacking.

Case No. 90823911Father Patrick Goebbels (29)PriestFound guilty of interfering with his choirboys salads.Put on two weeks low fibre diet, and found £5.

Case No. 90823912Bernardas Brazdžionis (32), Alexandru Sătmăreanu (24), and Zakria Rezai (27)Produce ImportersFound guilty of importing unhealthy foods currently barred in the EU. Namely, lemon curd and lard, with the intentions of supplying the same to elderly members of the public for profit.Sentenced to two days detention, and ordered to have their teeth removed.

Case No. 90823913Duncan Biskett (37)Ex Confectioner - RetiredFound guilty of hoarding a Marathon bar (pre Snicker name), with the intent to profit from selling it to addicts at a later date. When the judge arranged for the bar to be split open to examine the contents of the Marathon bar, it was found to be still edible.Biskett was sentenced eat the twenty-nine year old bar himself, as an example of the horror of eating none EU approved unhealthy banned foods to others.