Because by now, it’s fairly well established that Alex Rodriguez is either the world’s foremost expert in whistling past graveyards or merely a textbook narcissist.

So you want to come at him with suspensions, slings, arrows, subpoenas, drones, G-men, media missiles, allegations and spitballs? G’ahead — take your best shot.

No, truthfully, he rarely adopts such a challenging posture. He’s actually too polite to suggest such a thing. But as he was surrounded by 75 overbearing folks of the press Monday – once again proving his mastery of the Q-and-Non-A format – he took a discussion about his peccadilloes and spun it into another vainglorious pep rally before turning away with an unmistakable “Nailed it!” expression on his mug.

The real show was downstairs, two hours before they took the field with the weakest lineup they’ve had in a generation, partly because they can’t keep their third baseman’s body from falling to pieces every few months.

And just when you thought he couldn’t be more delusional, he threw this one out to see whether the dogs would lap it up:

“I think this year we have a very special opportunity,” A-Rod said. “This is my 10th year here in New York, and it’s the first time we’ve been predicted to finish in last place, which I think is pretty crazy. So that’s exciting. It’s a year of opportunity — a year of opportunity for the team, a year of opportunity for me.

“And I love when all these people say you can’t do this, can’t do that, you’re done, you’re old. I find it a challenge to prove all you guys wrong and everyone wrong.”

Thus spake the sport’s most magnetic 18-and-57 guy.

He felt compelled to reissue the mission statement because everyone was asking about PEDs again — questions he deflected with firm no-comments, and a polite reminder that he’s already denied any link with the owner of a Florida anti-aging clinic (anyone else have visions of pod people?) called Biogenesis.

It hasn’t been established that the DEA is investigating Anthony Bosch, but we do know that baseball is familiar with his history – he’s the son of a prominent physician, who was supplying Manny Ramirez with PEDs.

Any link between Bosch and A-Rod – so says A-Rod, anyway – is the product of someone’s imagination.

Forgery. That was the word his people have used in the tabloids, when documents from Biogenenics showed that he was taking HGH as recently as 2012.

“But I’m not gonna further discuss this,” Rodriguez said. “At some point, I feel that everything will be good.”

That’s either the supreme confidence of a confirmed liar or the usual delusion – take your pick. We only know that when someone asked whether he has any fear of suspension, A-Rod replied, “No, I’m not.”

"Again, I don't want to look into that,” he said at one point. “I want to really focus on this great Opening Day and the great game of baseball, and the great season that the Yankees are hopefully going to have.”

Right. About that: Game 1 wasn’t so great.

With A-Rod in the dugout, flirting with the inevitable TV closeups, this game felt like a template for 2013: The Yankees’ first hit came in the fourth inning and traveled all of 38 feet, and then they spent the rest of the afternoon looking for a timely hit.

Their moment of truth came in the seventh, with two on and one out, when Robinson Cano came up as the tying run against lefty Andrew Miller. The Yanks’ only sure thing pulled an 0-2 slider just a few feet foul, and fanned on a 97 mph fastball just above the belt two pitches later. Then Jersey guy Andrew Bailey came on to face Kevin Youkilis – he had hit rockets in his first three at-bats – and he smoked him with a 1-2 fastball.

This has been your Opening Day memory, thanks for coming.

The stadium emptied out – quickly – as the fresh bunting fluttered in the high gusts and food wrappers drifted across the outfield in the pre-storm gloom. By the top of the ninth, the rain started to fall, and the Stadium was virtually empty, as nobody had any delusions of a comeback from three runs down.

“It was raw,” manager Joe Girardi figured. “It’s a school night as well.”

We chose to go to school on this: A-Rod, the human broken record nursing a busted hip, says he’s not worried.