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Tuesday, March 10, 2015

How can you not be a full-time mum? Whether you work or not, you just have to be a full-time mum. There's no such a thing as part-time mum, isn't it? So maybe the correct palabra is stay-at-home mum. Yes, it's more like it. A mum who "just" stay home, not working at the office is a stay-home-mum instead of a full-time mum. Honestly I hate those palabras. Why we even need to label mums, women, people, in the first place? A mum is a mum, period!

Anyway, a letter from the university where I worked almost 15 years, which is also the place where I studied, came this week. It's an official letter that stated they fired me with honor (?). Very interesting words, huh? I'm fired from the university, with an honor. Actually I have resigned several years ago, when decided to follow my husband and live my life as an expat *wink. But as a civil servant of course they have to fire me instead.

How do I feel? Honestly, nothing...or maybe I feel numb to be precise. I love my job, as a lecturer, working with dental students who are pursuing their dream really kept me felt alive and young :) Not to mention the pressure to keep up with the newest knowledge and skill, also technology, which made me pushed myself even further. The salary is close to nothing, as I needed to pay nanny (even nannies) and driver when I worked. But the satisfaction was unbeatable! I missed it, yes, and still am missing it. Even though I won't trade anything to the opportunity to be close to my children and husband, and keeping the family together.

Just read Amy Nielson's piece on Huffington Post " 5 Things You Should Never Say to a Stay-at-Home Mom", and it really stroke me with some facts, including the one regarding other people's comments on your/my decision. It is funny, but can be ironic too...

It is hard not having the option to get out from the house and "hide" behind cubicle or my desk at the office for hours, get away from hearing the kids calling you over and over to ask where's this or that or sometimes the argumentation between brothers over "small" things. It is hard for not having your "own" money that you earn with your sweat, brain and sometimes tears, and spend it for whatever you want.Nevertheless I still choose to live this kind of life, for what I believe I want to do and grateful to have. I stand where I should and want to be.

As Amy said in the article, it is not easy when people comes to you and tell you that ,"you are so brave to choose this" or that they don't know if they can do the same or, " what do you do with the degree that you have. For God's sake, you studied to be a dentist and you end up being a stay-home mum?". Even worse: "I wonder what your parents said/thought. They sacrificed a lot for you and now you're jobless?"

Espejo en Hacienda de La Trinidad

I really think I shouldn't even answer those questions. It's not even a question, it's a judgement. There are better words and sayings to show support instead of judging one's decision, no? Amy gave some good examples of those sayings. And I wish more people say those things instead of judging my choice. But why bother? Decision de uno is personal. Nobody would understand one's circumstances. Sometimes they don't even care, so why judge their decision?

So here I am, a full-stay-home mum, a dentist-or used to be a dentist by profession, a blogger-whenever I feel like it, a quilter-when I have time to sit, and many more.

One thing I'm sure I'll do with my life is to keep learning. Learn anything the world has to offer. Just because: "It is the men of knowledge who can truly realize God" (35:28) and “Say: ‘Are those equal, those who know and those who do not know?” (Sûrah al-Zumar : 9)Indeed there are so many signs in the world for us to learn, every single day!

" Behold! In the creation of the heavens and the earth, in the alternation of the night and the day, in the sailing of the ships through the ocean for the profit of mankind, in the rain which Allah sends down from the skies, and the life which Allah gives therewith to an earth that is dead, in the beasts of all kinds that Allah scatters through the earth, in the change of the winds, and the cloud which they trail like their slaves between the sky and the earth; (Here)indeed are signs for a people who have sense" (Al Baqarah: 164)