Tuesday, July 13, 2010

I've been asked this question, How's the grief?, a handful of times since Eliana has been born. Most of those who have asked are mothers who have lost a child themselves, and are keen enough to know that having a new baby at home doesn't erase the grief of missing the child you've lost.

So, how is the grief?

It's different. My arms no longer ache with emptiness since Eliana is now here for me to snuggle... and she loves to snuggle! My longing to raise a child has been met through Eliana's presence, even though my longing to raise Isaac will forever be unfulfilled. With that, comes a new dimension of grief. Prior to Eliana's sweet arrival, I understood only in theory what I was missing out on with Isaac not here; now, I understand its reality.

Like any mother of two, there are days when I feel torn about loving both of my children well... and the fact that Isaac isn't here, makes that even more unique. It's things like trying to balance reading up on a plan for starting solids with Eliana, while finding time to maintain this blog; or, balancing running to Target for diapers and wipes with time to spend at the cemetery; and even something like finding time to both play with Ellie and work on this year's golf tournament. There's a part of me that feels guilty for not having the same amount of time to pour into things having to do with Isaac as I once did; and yet I wouldn't trade Eliana's presence here and my time with her for anything.

So the grief is different, yet I know that in some ways it is still the same. The missing is there. It still stings when we go out to eat and the hostess asks us, "Just three?" Yes... I think... JUST three. And I know that as another October 7th rolls around, the weight of Isaac not being here will settle in again; it's almost as if I have come to learn to expect the ebbs and flows of it all much better now.

I am grateful to know that even though I sometimes feel like a mess trying to balance it all... laughing one minute with Eliana as she giggles, then tearing up the next as I flip through Isaac's photo album and tell her about her big brother... that God meets me in that. He honors the struggle in balancing great joy with great sorrow, and provides the grace in order to walk that fine line well.

Stay tuned in the next few days... I have lots of recent pictures of my precious little Ellie to upload :)

Isaac's Slideshow

Information About Isaac's Golf Tournament

About Me

I am a 38-year-old wife, teacher-turned-stay-at-home-mom, daugher, sister, friend, and mommy to two babies in heaven; to our sweet little Isaac with whom we spent the most precious 16 minutes before he went to be with Jesus; to his baby sister, Eliana, who was born March 4,2010 and brings so much joy and spunk to our lives; to Isaac and Ellie's little brother Jacob who was born on December 28, 2011; and to our sweet little Ryleigh Grace...doing my best to be a beacon of light to the world as I learn to be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer.
You are welcome to contact me at stacy.delisle@gmail.com.

Letters to Isaac

My Site Button

Welcome

Isaac's Playground

In memory of Isaac, we will be having a playground built at our church, Mountain View Community Church. We recently broke ground on our new facility, and the hope is that both the facility and the playground will be completed this fall. In lieu of flowers, contributions may be made and sent to Mountain View Community Church for Isaac's playground. Please be sure to write "Isaac's Playground" in the memo line. Checks may be mailed to: