When Things Get Serious: How to Go from “Single” to “In a Relationship”

Being a member of the singles’ squad is one difficult thing to give up on. People who are fabulously single often fall in love with their independence and they replace that need to be with someone by casually dating several people, each for a month or two tops. This dynamic lifestyle rarely gets boring or dull – each day seems to be another mini adventure you can’t wait to share with the rest of your squad.

Giving this up can be rather difficult, but if you’re thinking about it, this probably means that you have found a person who has the potential to make your “sacrifice” worthy. Chances are that you forgot how to communicate with someone you actually wish to see more of, which is why you should try to switch from a fling to a relationship. No one said serious commitment; you don’t have to become a magician who pulls off an outstanding disappearance act just yet.

Stop Playing Games

People who date for fun play all sorts of games – how far you decide to go with this depends on what kind of person you are. The furthest extreme that can serve as an example for what I’m trying to say is Barney from How I Met Your Mother and his Playbook, where he invents some rather creative scenarios to get girls to sleep with him.

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Personally, I don’t know a person who puts in this much effort, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a real-life version of Barney out there. Well, in case you want to even consider being in a relationship, all those games need to stop and you need to be your real self when you go on dates.

Make Peace with Vulnerability

Which brings me to my next point – I know that it’s a lot easier to pretend you’re someone else because, if your date doesn’t like you, it doesn’t matter, because that’s not the real you. This is the point when you need to cut the crap and expose yourself. You’ll have to risk not being liked.

There’s a lot for you to gain, which makes that risk worthy; finding the right person to be in a relationship with is difficult and sure, you can get hurt, but on the other hand, you can find a partner to share your life with.

Look for a Partner

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When I say partner, I mean exactly that; you shouldn’t be searching for a protector to take care of you, nor should you do the opposite and look for a project, a person who you will work on. Neither of those scenarios has a happy ending.

When considering a relationship, you should make sure that your potential special someone is a mature person who shares your vision of what it means to be a couple. That would be enough, for starters, because you shouldn’t think long-term right away.

The Talk

This can be a bit awkward for some people, but it’s a matter of your health and it needs to be done. The talk about previous experiences with STDs, if there were any, about their previous partners and similar talks can be done without you sounding like a controlling maniac and looking like you’re crazy with jealousy.

Just ask them to be honest with you. Let them share their experiences so that you know where you stand and if there’s a reason for you to be worried. There’s no need to go into unnecessary details, like numbers and specifics, if one of you feels that it’s too early for something like that.

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Slow Pace

Beginnings of relationships are the most wonderful and the most exciting thing in the world. I love being blinded by a newfound respect for love and feeling like I’m walking on clouds – there’s nothing like the honeymoon period.

However, this is also the time when boundaries should be set, which is why you need to steer clear from neediness and unnecessary pressure. You need to give your partner some breathing space. I know it’s difficult not to smother and shower with affection, and you should do that, but in controlled conditions and in reasonable amounts.

One more thing – you’re probably very excited to share your new special someone with your friends and family, but this isn’t something you should force because it builds unnecessary pressure. If things work out, there will be plenty of time for them to get to know your partner and the other way around, so be patient. In the meantime, enjoy the time you spend with your new partner.

Avoid Compensating

It’s impossible for you to be completely objective. Sure, you’ll search for a little piece of your previous love in a new partner, or perhaps you’ll go with the exact opposite and look for someone who has nothing in common with your previous partners. If you truly want to enter a loving relationship, you need to leave the past behind.

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Therefore, if your previous relationship ended due to a lack of ambition, you’ll probably look for someone who has a successful career. However, this might be a bit of a problem in the future, because people who are obsessed with their work don’t have a lot of free time.

You should look at a person for what they are, as opposed to what they are not, because that’s exactly what you’ll get.

Don’t Expect Anything

Having expectations can really ruin things for you. When you first meet a person, it’s in your human nature to award them with a set of characteristics, based on an impression which may or may not be true. You need to do your best to distance yourself from this because that’s how unrealistic expectations are born.

Instead of imagining a version of your new partner by idealizing them, you should make an effort to get to know that new person in your life and discover who they really are. Learn about their past. It’s a healthier way to start a relationship than daydreaming, although it’s not too bad to let your imagination go wild from time to time.

The bottom line is that you never know until you try, but it’s not just a matter of whether you’ll dare to make an actual attempt, but it’s also a matter of how. Healthy relations between people, not just lovers, require consideration and understanding. So, you should do your best to let it grow in a healthy atmosphere, without being concerned about the possible outcome.

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.