The Worst Part of Each King's Quest Game

So, King's Quest, then. Even back when I was an adventure game fan and took them wherever I could get them, I thought King's Quest was by far the least interesting of the 'classics'. I suspect it's only a classic by virtue of being one of the first graphic adventures, they're not well-written or designed and they're so fucking twee you can feel your earwax turning to caramel as it dribbles from your ears.

But they were still adventure games, and there was a shortage of those in the late 90's, so I played them all. Let's take a moment to remember them in turn, and their individual moments of maximum bullshit.

King's Quest I: Quest for the Crown

The original, in which jaundiced sprite Sir Graham must travel around the country collecting three lost magic artefacts so he can inherit the kingdom from a dying childless king. A kingdom consisting mainly of vast swathes of empty plains painted neon green populated exclusively by things that want you dead. Thanks a fucking bunch, your majesty.

Point of Maximum Bullshit: We could mention that, unlike all other Sierra AGI games, King's Quest I lacked an intermediate movement speed between 'crawl' and 'mach 10'. But let's go with the fact that you can die a hideous death in the jaws of vicious crocodiles by walking one step in the wrong direction on the very first screen of the cocking game.