Quotes

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Announcer:
Ladies and gentlemen, in order to achieve an "R" rating today, a motion picture must contain full frontal nudity, graphic violence, or an explicit reference to the sex act. Since this film has none of those, and since research has proven that R-rated films are by far the most popular with the moviegoing public, the producers of this motion picture have asked me to take this opportunity to say "Fuck you."

The Breather:
[to the audience]
Hello, it's me, The Breather. You're probably wonder who I am. Who could I be? Could I be the innocent looking Toby? Would you trust a girl who looked like Prince Valiant in a plum sweater? Maybe I'm Dr. Sigmund; a man who was once arrested for corrupting the morals of a hooker. Then there's Malvert; with an I.Q. of a handball and the personality of a parking meter: violated! Could I be the principal Mr. Peters; a man who keeps cheese in his underwear to attract mice? Let's not forget Ms. Leclair; English teacher by day and English teacher by night. Ah, Miss Mumsley; She eats 12 prunes a day and nothing happens. Nurse Krud and Ms. Van Dyke; what's in a name? Everything! And then there's Dumpkin; a man who sleeps with his nuts in between horsehead bookends.