Thursday, September 24, 2009

reincarnation, or obligation

Some people love leftovers. Its a quick lunch the next day, they insist. Roast too many potatos, tomorrow theyll be good in a ragout, or just cold as my sister loves for snacking. Some even love leftovers so much they purposely cook a full recipe (feeds six to eight) when it is just themselves for dinner--hey, the whole week is taken care of. Well, I hate leftovers. I would sooner finish what I have cooked even if it means painful overconsumption jsut so that I wont have little pots and bowls of this and that in the fridge. Leftovers are far to obligatory, demanding to be used but sadly dispositioned as has-beens; not as fresh as what could be tonight-- so obviously last night.I also, though, hate throwing food out. It seems so wasteful, so ingrateful. So what if the lettuce is soggy, at least I have lettuce to eat. This is perhaps unnecessary guilt (and unhealthy at times) but guilt nonetheless that only reinforces the negative obligation to a meal.There really is little that is less satisfying than these obligatory meals. Take tonight for example. Cherry tomatos. On my counter. For four days now. That is a long lifespan for a tomato, and these were starting to soften. But tonight I wanted halibut, and not with cherry tomatos either. No, I wanted it with chervil, chives, and parsley, with some steamed green beans and shalloty rice. But those tomatoes, sitting there sadly right where I was ready to trim beans. I had to use them. So I tried to stoke myself up: Ill simmer them in white wine, with fresh chopped chives, itll be lovely. And it would have been--had I been craving halibut with sauteed cherry tomatoes and fresh chopped chives. I dont need to tell you again that I wasnt.And so I remain dissatisfied, sigh, and resentful, just generally filled with shoulda coulda wouldas...and a bit of a shouldnt-a as i console myself with cookies dipped in whipping cream. But cest la vie, right, not everymeal is perfect and at least now I dont have fruit fly attracting rotting tomatoes on my counter. And theres always tomorrow for another go at halibut, pending I still want green beans by then...