My toddler refuses to give up the bedtime bottle. What can we do?

This sounds like an unhappy situation for everyone, and I can't help wondering whether getting your toddler off the bottle is worth what it's costing. Many toddlers continue to nurse or have a bottle at bedtime well past their first birthday (and some continue well past their second), so there's nothing unusual about your son's attachment to his bottle. What's more, most toddlers who give up sucking milk still suck something.

Children who use pacifiers, or suck their fingers or thumbs, often keep it up through early childhood and are often especially reliant on it at bedtime. One way or another, "comfort sucking" is a central part of peaceful bedtimes for most small children. When a child gives up this habit has nothing to do with how "advanced" or "behind" he is.

The important no-no of bedtime bottles is putting sweet drinks such as juice or milk in a bottle and letting your toddler take it into bed, where he'll sip it slowly. This can be disastrous for his teeth as well as making him expect to have a bottle at hand whenever he half-wakes in the night. But a bottle of milk on your lap as a comforting snuggly end to the day, followed by cleaning his teeth, isn't necessarily something worth fighting over.

If you're really eager to wean your toddler from the bottle, just avoiding the worst may seem too gentle. But right now, all three of you are getting the worst of both worlds: You and your husband are angry and frustrated, and your toddler is miserable, though he's still getting his beloved bottle. It's better for everyone if you either refuse his requests and stick to your decision no matter how much he screams, or willingly give him the bottle and put off weaning until later.

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