I'm so sorry to hear about your friend's baby. I would send a card and ask the family if there's a charity they'd like me to donate to. this happened to a friend of ours recently and they donated baby clothes gifts (I still took mine round to them, after he'd died) to the SCBU where he'd been looked after.

My friend was like this, Starshaker, her little boy died at home, from a heart problem, he was put into the coffin and it was sealed the next day, when the man came with his coffin, 2 weeks later (she has a special cooling system brought in) she held him again
Its very hard for the mother to let go, and while Dan was at home with my friend she thought it would be ok. It wasn't till the funeral it hit her.
I would send some flowers and a card, but don't distance yourself, turn up, phone her whenever as its easier for them to talk if someone is willing to listen rather than them putting themselves on you (thats how she will see it, believe me)
Hope you ok.

Spacecadet - my friends baby died in March this year so I kind of know how you are feeling. I went out and bought her present and had it hanging in the wardrobe but couldn't take it back to the shop it was awful everywhere I looked I saw babies, having DD whos 7 months younger was horrible too, every time she reaches a milestone I get angry that my friends baby won't be able to.

Anyway sorry I digress, I went to see my friend the weekend before the funeral even though I couldn't make the funeral, I sent flowers to the funeral parlour for the baby wrote something in the card especially for the baby but I also sent flowers the day before to the family just saying we are thinking of you, oh and I sent a card too.

What your friend is doing re not believing he is dead etc sounds really like my friend too, she visited her DD in the funeral home several times a day and took her 2 DSs who are 4 and 8 as well. Now her DD is buried she hasn't really got any better, she visits the grave every day and also visits mediums every week to talk to her DD. She says if it weren't for her DSs she would be with her DD.

I feel so helpless to help her but I think I just have to listen when she wants to talk sometimes she'll talk other times she'll ask me about trivial things about my day, it's ok I just judge it. It's driven a wedge between her and her DH as well, he's desperate for her to have another baby she's scared stupid. All I would say is be there for her when she needs you.

forgot to say my friend said one of the worst things is that her friends and even people in the street hide their children away from her especially if they are babies, she says this makes it worse she feels like they like she is going to steal them, she says it her baby she wants not someone else and people should never hide their children away.

I actually met my friend when we were admitted to hospital, she was 33 weeks and I was 28 weeks, we were in hospital for 3 weeks together and we stand in contact afterwards. I found out he had a heart problem at about 2 months old, and we all knew he was going to die. Em kept hoping he would make it to 18 months old when he could have had a heart transplant but he never made it Even now nearly 4 years on, she is at his grave every week, they buy presents on his birthday (I send a card and flowers), and I normally buy a small thing for his grave, he has an Angel on his grave that I brought for the xmas after he died. I help keep his memory alive and Em likes that, too many people ignore that fact she had a son