Emory Schley column: So, here’s a two-part question for you ...

Saturday

One: What’s better than going to see the doctor? I’ll tell you ... after the visit, being allowed to go home! It happens so frequently one barely sees it as a blessing.

Two: What’s NOT so great about going to see the doctor? It’s when he turns to you and says, “You have to go to the hospital ... and NOW,” which happened to me last week.

Oh-noooo, not AGAIN! I already did that not long ago and I have multiple scars to prove it! I may even have a T-shirt for it stashed away somewhere in the closet!

Ocala Regional is just down the street from Dr. David Albright’s office, so that’s where we checked in on Tuesday of last week. I wasn’t allowed to escape until the following Monday. At least they didn’t perform any surgery on me this time. I did undergo an endoscopy by Dr. Richard B. Van Eldik, who decided to see what I looked like from the opposite end of where he generally takes a peek.

The list of doctors I’m seeing lately is beginning to resemble an old Ocala phonebook from the 1980s: LOTS of names on that list, so many now I may have to hire a secretarial service just to keep track of them all.

HAIRY SECRET: I will occasionally catch women, when I’m out in public, staring furtively at my hair. And occasionally, one or several will be brave enough to ask me how I manage to make it stay curled in long ringlets. ”Little Lulu curls” I call them, from the old comic strip character. I usually don’t answer them directly and just quip something like “Ohhh ... I wear my hair this way just to make women jealous.”

Such an episode happened recently when I was a patient at Ocala Regional. I was isolated in Room 306, not far from the heliport, where I had a grand panoramic view of the air-conditioning system and microwave dishes on the rooftop sprawled below me. Britney Lane, one of the nurse leaders, popped into my room to see how I was doing. She saw my hair and asked that same question I’ve been asked so many times before. So I decided to have a bit of fun with her.

“It’s really quite simple,” I told her, “you merely have to twirl the curls in with a comb.” I then picked up a comb and ran it through my left curly ringlet, which straightened it right out. Then I grasped the hank of hair in one hand, moved the comb up to my scalp, engaged the hank, and twirled the comb down to the very end of my hair, leaving a perfect curl in its wake.

Britney’s eyes widened a bit as I did this. Then I repeated the procedure on my right side, leaving another perfect curl falling down past my collarbone. “Didn’t you know you could do this?” I asked her as innocently as I could manage. She said something about having to use water or gel or something to get that effect, and I assured her that wasn’t necessary. I suggested she should try it herself some time. Then I said, “Well, it works with guys, I really don’t know if it works with women or not ... .”

I think she was about to say something else when I added, “Of course, the secret is in having naturally curly hair to begin with, as I do. It’s no longer curly on top but on the sides, it’s as curly as it’s always been.”

Honestly, I truly do NOT understand why some women don’t try to run me out of town on the business end of a pitchfork ... but I DO have fun with them. I’m soooo fortunate Dearly Beloved is such an understanding soul!

THREE MUSKETEERS: While I was incarcerated on the third floor, I was really impressed with the dedication of some of the folks who work there. Oddly enough, three of their first names all start with “M” so I got to calling them the “Three Musketeers.” Hats off for service far above what is normally expected from Dr. Mounica (Banala), and Nurse Mike and ace crew member Marvin. All do exceptional jobs and show great compassion to Crotchety Olde Codgers like me!

Thanks again!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY: Next Wednesday is the anniversary of the official organization of the nation’s air force, which took place Sept. 18, 1947, so Happy 72nd Birthday, to the U.S. Air Force, and all those guys and gals who go whizzing through the Wild Blue Yonder in our nation’s defense!

BREAKFAST: This morning, a community-wide breakfast is being held in Stanfield Hall on the grounds of Ocala West United Methodist Church, 9330 SW 105th St., Ocala, from 7:30-9:30 a.m. All you care to eat for $6.

Please send your comments to slyguy73@gmail.com and include your FULL name and town. This column appears each Thursday and Saturday on page B1 and online at ocala.com

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