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Fly on the Wall 1537

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Cold comfort seems like the wrong way to describe this latest news. But as we sink into August and the dog days of Summer, maybe we should all be thankful to live in Memphis, and not one of the nine American cities even beastlier, according to a new list of America's sweatiest cities created by Honeywell Fans with Environmental Health & Engineering consultants.

The winners are: 1. Orlando, Florida — As hot and bug-infested as Walt Disney's Orlando World may seem, it's easy to maintain a smile and cheerful demeanor by reminding yourself that you're not in Tampa. 2. New Orleans, Louisiana — Nothing produces more sweat for less effort, than standing roadside on Carrollton, waiting for a streetcar. But at least it's not Orlando. 3. Phoenix, Arizona — Where dry heat meets dry heaves. 4. Dallas, Texas — Like a prison movie where the sadistic warden punishes inmates by locking them in a boiler room. 5. Las Vegas, Nevada — Like somebody covered Dallas in glitter and feathers and stuck it in a sauna. 6. Oklahoma City, Oklahoma — Heat like a blazing fist that reaches down your throat and rips out your tongue. 7. Kansas City, Missouri — Forget the heat, try the brisket. 8. Austin, Texas — Cooler than Dallas in most regards. 9. Atlanta, Georgia — Would be one of America's most miserable rush hours if not for a proper bar at every exit. 10. Memphis, Tennessee — Paradise (comparatively). And besides, who's got time for weather talk when there are Bird Scooters to complain about?

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