experiment in vitality: a choice you make to be true to yourself. Learn more.

Because I was experimenting, I let myself just go. This was so fun, and so novel, and so different than my normal stuck “what-should-I-do-with-my-time-but -I-don’t-want-to” inner turmoil that I was immediately hooked.

Somehow, without me noticing it, the war between “should” and “want to” dissolved inside of me.

I want you to know that as all encompassing as your depression is, as long as it has haunted and tormented you, it still can change. With the right therapist, the right medication, the right changes, the right something. I don’t know what the right thing is for you. But I know it exists. It is out there. It is worth trying and trying and just barely showing up for another day in case that’s the day the right something comes along.

I was afraid of spending time alone, in my mind, just me and my imagination. I didn't trust it. It was a relationship that needed serious repair. Like a beautiful, powerful horse that had ridden me off a cliff, we both felt skittish about being around each other again, let alone riding. All we could do is take it slow.

I stand on the edge of a cliff overlooking the ocean, only heard, not seen, in the dark to watch the sunriseAs first light shows me the horizon and the curvature of the earth I realize the sun doesn't riseThe earth turns and carries me with it on its back up into the light.I'm riding it right now and every single moment even when I'm not thinking about itI can feel myself rising.