Woman Punched in Kisser Over High Asparagus Price

Here in vegetable-loving but not vegetarian offices of The Curmudgeon, we’re amazed over the news that a motorist in Germany punched a 24 year-old female vegetable seller in the kisser over her high-priced asparagus. Or maybe it’s not that surprising, this being Germany we’re talking about. Ya voll, der Mutterland luv der asparagus.

According to Reuters, the man yelled at the woman that her prices were totally “over the top,” and then punched her in the face and threatened to sic his attack dog on her, a German Shepard no doubt. I am particular for peas, crazy for corn, and batty for brussel sprouts, but I am not asinine for asparagus. Apparently, the perp (that’s what we say in the vegetable PI business, the perp,) was a member of Germany’s troubling Asparagustapo.

Granted, this was white asparagus which is to regular asparagus as veal is to cow, but still. The springtime delectable delight is highly coveted in Germany and is sometimes referred to as “edible ivory.” During the short springtime growing season the prices fluctuate wildly, peaking at 10 euros per kilo early in the season (for Americans this is about 14 bucks for 2.2 pounds.) Still, no reason to pull your car over to the side of the road and give a woman a knuckle sandwich. Vee haf vays of making you sell aparagus cheap.

The police continue to search for the asparagus-loving, woman-punching perp. Curiously, they have not released the price the woman was selling the asparagus for. Maybe it really was “over the top.” The sheer number of wacko people walking the streets or driving the roads are disturbing. First there was road rage and now comes vegetable rage. What’s next? It should be exciting whatever it is.