Pac 10: Name Game

Finally we’ve come to the Pac 10. I know that you’ve been dying to see how the West Coast compares with the powerhouses in the Big Ten, Big 12 (North and South), SEC, and ACC.

That’s right, it’s time to run the name game on the Pac 10. I knew two things going into this exercise:

1. Stanford would be disappointing.
2. Oregon would be great.

I’m here to say that I’m stunned because Stanford did not bring up the rear, but rather Oregon State did. The biggest surprise though was Arizona State with a whopping 21 legitimately outstanding names. While Oregon was great, I thought that they’d be No. 1 overall (but they only have 19 names).

Without further ado, let’s take a look.

Arizona State

Derrall Anderson, LB I’ll be honest, if this name is pronounced “Darrel,” then I’m going to be disappointed.

Jarrell Woods, RB Two on one team… I may be missing the boat here, who knew that Jarrell was so popular?

Arizona

Conan Amituanai, G “He was taken to the East…” Man did I love that movie growing up. Also, James Earl Jones doesn’t get his due for playing one of the cold-bloodiest villains of all time (Thulsa Doom) in Conan the Barbarian. Slicing Conan’s mom’s head off right in front of Young Conan was straight-up ruthless.

Keola Antolin, RB Doesn’t that sound like one of the workout babes on those old ESPN morning shows? Do they still air those by the way?

Gino Crump, WR Classic Italian names are tons of fun. Also, I went to high school with a cat whose last name is Crump, he was an awesome soccer player who used to toss the ball in from out of bounds by doing a front flip. It was one of the cooler things that I’d ever seen. Also, he was (and is) black, which made it at least 55% cooler.

Delashaun Dean, WR I feel like Dela could be some sort of honorary prefix to a name… kind of like Sir (e.g. Sir Galahad). “Ladies and gentlemen, presenting Delascott Cushing, of the North Hampton Cushings…”

Cordarius Golston, LB Speaking of regality…

Jovon Hayes, G I also went to school with a guy named Jovan, I realize the name is spelled differently but this is my way of working him into a short story. He was on the track team with me (and was a freshman when I was a senior). That’s relevant because the black dudes on the team would “celebrate” each others birthdays by pretty much beating the hell out of the birthday boy. One day I heard that it was Jovan’s birthday and this was confirmed for me when I saw him running for his life after practice being trailed by the upperclassmen who were, sadly for him, faster than he was. When they caught him, two guys held his arms back and peeled his shirt off while the others took turns reeling back and exploding on his bare chest with that loose-finger-whip move. I remember seeing this and feeling sort of bad for the kid but then also thinking “move on, nothing to see here” for fear of getting destroyed myself. I’m pretty sure that makes me a coward. (Wait, let me ask someone… yep, that’s pretty much textbook cowardice). Jovan turned out OK though, he competed at the state meet and all was right with the world. You could say that the beating he took helped get him there… (Am I justifying? You bet I am.)

Trevin Wade, CB The ever-popular Tracy + Kevin equation. It’s a good thing that this isn’t a marriage between Tracy and Erick because that will probably dislocate the jaws of 15% of broadcasters.

Jowyn Ward, DT Just sounds like a word that James Brown would exclaim after hitting a note. Eh eh eh! Jowyn! Heh!

Cal

Jahvid Best, TB He’s well known, so the name doesn’t even sound original anymore, but I don’t know about you, I’d never heard it before. Also, I hope dude is OK after that crazy fall. It reminded me when my buddy Tim climbed up on a hoop when we finished playing one-on-one, hung upside down and said that he could land on his feet. I was sitting against the wall telling him not to do it and watched in horror as he let go, and dropped like a stone landing directly on his shoulder. I have no idea how he didn’t break his neck, lucky I guess.

Nyan Boateng, WR Remember former WSU receiver Nian Taylor? I remember thinking his name was cool and I’m on board with this one too.

Syd’Quan Thompson, DB Yes! The first apostrophe, mid-cap name in the Pac 10! And it is glorious. First, both sides of the apostrophe can stand alone as dope nicknames. Second, the names sounds great together. Great work.

Dasarte Yarnway, TB Sounds like an opera.

Washington State

Jeshua Anderson, WR How often do you think he has to correct people? “Actually, it’s not Joshua…”

LeAndre Daniels, S Would be better with an apostrophe but I can live with it.

Nico Grasu, K I believe my feeling for the name Nico are well represented.

Omari Guidry, LB This name flows fantastically. He just sounds good. I don’t know if he is.

De’Shon Matthews, DT Now this is more like it. Yet another version of blank Shawn (is there a more diverse name to spell than Shawn? Shawn, Sean, Shaun, Shon, Chone [Figgins]).

Vonzell McDowell, Jr, CB I love names with Vs and Zs so obviously I dig this one. Also, I thought that this guy would be better by now. I’m kind of bummed that he isn’t.

Kavario Middleton, TE Now that’s a name. It either sounds like a really expensive convertible sports car or top-of-the-line leather shoes.

Kiel Rasp, P Picture a dusty road in West Texas running north and south, flanked on either side by six dilapidated two-story buildings. To the north you can see nothing on the horizon except for a windy road out of “town.” No trees, no brush, just a dusty road. To the south? Same thing, except a tumbleweed rolling past. Now picture a man hurriedly running out of one of the buildings with his hands full of merchandise (clothes, a razor, whiskey) and another man trailing him with a rifle screaming, “I’m gonna kill you!” But instead of pronouncing “kill” like it rhymes with “pill” he pronounces it like it rhymes with “peel” which is how I picture Mr. Rasp’s name to be pronounced.

Romeo Savant, TE A brilliant romantic.

UCLA

Nik Abele, OL kind of just falls off of the table.

Kai Forbath, PK I went to college with a guy named Kai and I always thought that his name was cool.

Madison Poole, K I must admit, I’ve never seen this name attached to a male before.

Morrell Presley, TE This company makes great car upholstery or Vienna sausages.

Jerzy Siewierski, DT “Dirty Jerzy hunt ’em down!”

Reginald Stokes, DE Old school name with the awesome “Reggie” nickname.

Clayton Tunney, QB No disrespect to John Clayton, but the name Clayton is dead to me.

Alterraun Verner, CB All-terrain? He should go by ATV because that’s a pretty sweet nickname.

USC

Armond Armstead, DE You know how certain vegetarian foods that are created to taste like their meat counterparts and are called a similar name, like Chik’n? Well in this day and age when at least 50 percent of the population is allergic to nuts, there is a new product out that tastes like nuts, but doesn’t include any nuts. Armond tastes like almonds, but doesn’t contain the nut in the ingredients.

Jurrell Casey, DT A cousin to Purel, but specifically used for cleaning off juice stains.

Omari Crittenden, CB He may be better than WSU’s Omari Guidry, but he doesn’t sound as good.

Rhett Ellison, TE Kind of an underused toughskin-sounding name. He better own a 10-gallon hat and a pair of spurs.

De’Von Flournoy, WR ahhhhhhhh

Everson Griffen, DE I’ll always associate this name with former Cowboy, Everson Walls… and “The Catch”

DaJohn Harris, DT You know, maybe I’ve got it all wrong, instead of looking at the beginning of a name for the next “blank Marcus” or the next “blank Shawn” (e.g. Jamarcus and Rashawn) I should be looking at the end of name. Look how well “John” works at the end of that name. Let’s try it with a few others: LaJohn, DeJohn, RoJohn, RaJohn… I like it. A lot.

Torin Harris, CB Now this sounds like a name that should be really popular these days. It ends with the “in” sound, which people love, and has a cool nickname “Tor” but also a less-than-cool nickname (for a guy) “Tori.” I’d switch it to Toren and tell everyone to make way.

Stafon Johnson, TB Interesting name, but I can’t even read it without thinking of dropping hundreds of pounds right on my neck.

Castro Masaniai, DT When I first visited San Francisco in ’98 I was driving with some friends who knew their way around and when we rolled through the Castro District I noticed something weird before anyone told me where we were, and it was this: the striking absence of women. We were kind of in traffic so we were driving slowly and I saw hundreds of people, but not one woman–just a bunch of dudes. Everywhere. I felt like I was watching some sort of movie where all of the women were eradicated from the face of the earth.

Geno Munoz, WR I’m more a fan of Gino than Geno, but I’ll take it.

Jacquizz Rodgers, RB They call him ‘Quizz, which is awesome in its own right, but the weird thing is that his brother, James, has such a pedestrian name.

Zeke Sanders, S I love “Z” names, but doesn’t this name sound like a better athlete than say, “Zach” Sanders?

Jovan Stevenson, RB See Arizona’s Jovon Hayes above.

Oregon

Remene Alston Jr., RB If I had to come up with a word that described the fine powder at the bottom of a cereal box, this name would be a candidate. “Are there enough Cheerios left in this box or will I just gag on the remenes?”

LeGarrette Blount, RB A polarizing guy, no doubt, but don’t sweat the name. It’s top notch. Ironically, he sounds like a sheriff.

Javes Lewis, CB Just a step up from Jeeves if you ask me…

Mikey Dosen, DB As toddler-esque as this name sounds, it’s actually pretty cool if the dude is a bad man. For instance, Mikey Tyson doesn’t sound like a tough guy, but if he went by that name and did what he did in the late 80s and early 90s I’m pretty sure we’d have a different take on the name… but if the King of Pop went by Mikey Jackson…

Jamere Holland, WR I’ve seen Jamir, but not this phonetic version.

LaMichael James, RB “Blank Michael” could really come on strong if this guy keeps playing the way he’s playing. He’s zeddy for sure. I shouldn’t have left him off of the list.

Kenjon Barner, DB See USC’s DaJohn Harris, but I like the subtle lowercase “jon” for some reason and I also like the combo name thing, for instance: Robjon, Mattjon, Johnjon… they all work, beautifully.

Bo Lokombo, LB For those of you who know about Paul Simon, this will mean something to you, but doesn’t this name sound like it should be repeated constantly by a chorus while Simon is playing a guitar and singing on his Graceland album?

Titus Jackson, FS I’m predicting a surge in Roman and Greek mythology names in the near future.

Talmadge Jackson III, CB He’s one of the favorites to replace Ruth Bader Ginsberg whenever she decides to step down.

Kiko Alonso, LB I’m swooning. Such a great name.

NaDerris Ward, OL See, now here’s an interesting one, it’s not a combo of any name that I’ve ever heard of, you don’t see “Derris” standing on its own as a name. Although it is evidently an insecticide taking from an Asian plant.

Dewitt Stuckey, LB I’d prefer to pronounce this name “Do It” rather than D’witt if you don’t mind.