I am 8 months pegnant with my first child. The father and I were together for almost 2 years and then when I was six months pregnant, he left. He says he still wants to be with me, but not until he can support me and the baby. He is staying with some other girl, whom he says he is not doing anything with, but is just using for a place to stay until he gets a job. I know for a fact that he is trying to get a job because I help fill out the applications, and drop off some of them. But do to his past he is having a hard time finding a job. I don't know if I should believe him or if he is just playing games. What do you think?

molif

he should stick with you, no matter what, if he really loves you. i don't think he's worth a chance. just give him up.

Da Rossa

creativepaperworks_jw wrote:

I am 8 months pegnant with my first child. The father and I were together for almost 2 years and then when I was six months pregnant, he left. He says he still wants to be with me, but not until he can support me and the baby. He is staying with some other girl, whom he says he is not doing anything with, but is just using for a place to stay until he gets a job. I know for a fact that he is trying to get a job because I help fill out the applications, and drop off some of them. But do to his past he is having a hard time finding a job. I don't know if I should believe him or if he is just playing games. What do you think?

This is very difficult for us to say.
Personally I found it very convenient for him to leave you at 6 months of pregnancy and "be with another girl, even claiming not to be doing anything with her". Put the emotions aside: do you really believe that he hasn't got 'inside' the other girl yet? Also, the excuse he gave for not to be with you sounded convenient too. It's difficult for you to keep control of things, you can't say what's in his mind, besides you're having your first baby.

Note that I only talked about the insight I had when I first read your story. I may be wrong.

balticJay

i think hes playing with your mind and not only that hes using you to help him find the job, how do you know what hes saying to the other girl? but hun at the end of the day its up to you its your life hun i just hope you make the right choice. take care and i hope everything works out for you

Obake

This sounds like a really odd situation. Have you asked him why, if he actually does want to be with you and support you and the baby, he feels that he needs to go away from you in order to do so? Try pointing out to him that financial support isn't all you need from him--if you and he both intend on continuing the relationship, then you also need emotional support from him--and you probably need it most in the last month of your pregnancy. Why did he leave in the first place?

Ignore the other woman, if you can, in dealing with this. If he's true to his word, you have nothing to worry about in terms of competition, but he's still choosing a really strange way to show his support, and the being-apart-from-you issue is still there. If he's not true to his word, then I wouldn't bother with him anymore anyway.

If he can't give you a decent answer about why he's doing things this way, then I'd advise you to leave him. He may have all the good intentions in the world, but if he can't listen and respond to what you need from him, especially when you're obviously trying to help him with his own stuff by submitting job applications for him, then he's probably not going to be able to provide the kind of support he says he wants to anyway.

If it comes down to it, you need to think about your options for dealing with leaving him. Are you in a position to support yourself and the baby without him? Are there any government benefits for single mothers that you could claim? Do you have family or friends who could help you out for a while? Are you married--if you split up, can you claim anything from him, or are you both just going to have to walk away?

It sounds like a really tricky, horrible situation to be in, and I really hope that it works out for the best for you.

cavey

Does he live at her place for free? Why can't he stay at your place while looking for a job? Or with his parents? Is the alternative to live on the streets?

If I were you, I would say that if he did not move from her to you, within few days, he can send his damn support by mail when he gets his job. Support is not only about money, but to be there with you, and not with some other chick, even though he says they're not physical. Leaving a pregnant woman is the worst kind of support I've ever heard of. Are you sure you want him back?

Good luck to you. I'm sure you will be a wonderful mother.

apple

Hi sweetheart,
If after 2 years he can walk out and "claim" to need a job to support you and the baby financially then I see a problem.
I find the timing quite appropriate.

Honey, if he loves you he'll stay with you and have restless, sleepless and tiring nights with you and the new baby.
I cannot understand why he'd need to go now of all times.

When I was having my son, my boyfriend left for the US and everyone knew he was going except the people at my house.
When I spoke to him on the phone he said his reason for going was to be able to make more money and thus take care of his responsibility.
However his reason for not telling me he was leaving was...."he did not want to hurt me and see me cry"
He has been gone almost 12 years now.

I said that to let you know, that you gotta do what is right for yourself and this baby, despite if he comes back or not.

Seeing that I do not know you nor the person and I don't have much information, I cannot make any assumptions as to his return or not.

I do wish you all the best and do hope and pray that you have a uncomplicated delivery.

May this baby bring to you the joy, peace, direction and maturity my son has brought to my life.

tingkagol

Give him up. What a convenient playa.

GSIS

I don't know how long he's been out of work, but if he's only recently moved out after staying with you for two years - on the pretext that he 'needs to find a job to support you' I think he's playing mind games with you while he tests the waters with this other girl.

He's trying to keep you as a backup in case his new relationship doesn't work out.

If you were his first choice he'd be with you no matter what.

urbanbuddha

If he really wanted to support you and take responsibility for your child, he would be with you at this moment and during the entire duration of your pregnancy. Like most of the people above, I personally think he's just playing games with you. If you wait for him and hope that he'll come around to help you with your baby, you'll only let yourself down.

I don't think he's reliable. What's important right now is to find a reliable source of support for you and your child. It will not be easy to be a single parent, but I hope you are able to find some social support. What is important is to think about your child. Does he or she really need to be exposed to such an unstable relationship? The issue is no longer about you or the baby's father - it's the baby that needs to take priority.

Good luck!

twisthigh

That's just terrible of him, sweetie you're probably better off without him, you're obviously more mature and ready to handle this like an adult and he's just being an idiot about it all. Congratulations, by the way!

windrei

Obviously this guy just played you..... he should consider whether he can support a family or not before making love with you and made you pregnant. Okay, if it's an accident, all he should do now is staying with you, giving you support ( a single preganant faces and will face a very hard time ) and working hard to improve the living, i.e. to find a job, so that 3 of you can have a better now. He is now escaping from what he did..... a completely irresponsible person. How come you can still trust him.... As you said, he is with other girls now. He cannot be trusted anymore...

neljx

Obviously the other posters have said it all - you deserve better, your baby deserves better. I am sorry you have to go through this.

apple

creativepaperworks_jw well it's been a month since we heard from you, so I assume you've had the baby. Update us when you get a chance