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We
all have those people in our life who drive us up a wall. They
make choices we don’t understand and they do things that seem
nonsensical. More importantly, they are annoying because they
are not like us. We cannot comprehend what leads them to act
the way they do or what drives their seemingly bizarre decisions.

For entrepreneurs and business leaders, effective leadership is
about learning how to deal with all types of personalities — even
the annoying ones. If we could better understand people’s
“annoying” choices and behaviors — motivated by where they’re
coming from or what they value – they would become
far less annoying.

The truth is, everyone has their own Value
Language – i.e., what drives someone to
make life choices, what gets them up in the morning and informs
their goals and actions — and most misunderstandings stem from
simple differences in Value Languages. To understand
“annoying” people, we have to first learn where they are coming
from and what motivates them. Then, you can appeal to what they
value, instead of what you value.

I have narrowed people’s Value Languages into 10 different
categories. Use these to identify (and better communicate) with
the “annoying” people in your office:

Image. The first Value Language describes
people who value image, beauty or aesthetic appearance above
all else. These people spend huge amounts of time and money on
their appearance either through clothes, plastic surgery or
beauty regimes. In the office, they tend to annoy us by being
late after spending too much time getting ready and making
hires based on presentation rather than experience. They
consistently pick romantic partners based on appearance rather
than personality, and tend to be vain.

Money. Money is one of the most powerful
motivators. Those who subscribe to this Value Language don’t
care how they make money or the consequences of obtaining it;
they just want more of it. It’s not just white-collar
criminals; it’s also those who annoy us by either being
cheapskates in office holiday gift exchange or “gold diggers”
constantly looking for free meals.

Power. Authority, dominance and gaining
more power are the biggest drivers for these people. Those who
value power like to be able to influence or persuade others to
do what they desire. They annoy us by trying to assert
dominance in inappropriate situations (commandeering an office
potluck), make power-hungry moves (taking credit for a work
project they did not do) or throwing their company title in
your face.

Fame. Fame, popularity, legacy and
notoriety are the big motivators here. We are seeing a
generation of kids who speak Value Language #4 as they upload
videos of themselves singing, post constantly on Facebook and
audition for reality shows. During office meetings, they annoy
us by always seeking the spotlight when the boss comes in,
wanting to be the center of attention during presentations and
doing anything to get accolades for their work.

Proximity to the Ideal. This one is
tricky, but very important. Some people value being as close as
possible to what they deem an ideal. For some, this might mean
playing the perfect “housewife” with 2.5 kids, a golden
retriever, a white picket fence and lots of time for bake
sales. Sometimes, people-pleasers and perfectionists fall into
this category because they are obsessed with the “ideal” and
having everyone like them and what they do. In the office,
ideal-seeking workers put an extreme amount of pressure on
themselves to seem like they have everything under control.
They never ask for help and they never turn down work projects.
They are the least communicative of the Value Language types,
which can be detrimental to office teamwork.

Knowledge. People who speak Language #6
are most commonly called know-it-alls; they always have an
opinion and an obscure news article they once read to back it
up. They often only value others who are “in the know.” They
annoy us by never letting anyone else have an opinion during
meetings, arguing for fun and pompously telling you about all
of the books on their bedside table during lunch break.

Experience. People who speak Value
Language #7 value exciting and impressive experiences. They
constantly tell you that they have been there, done that.
Frequent and long-term travelers, eat-out-aholics and
adrenaline junkies almost always speak Value Language #7
because they value experiences above all else. They can annoy
us by bragging about their frequent trips abroad, airline
status and superior knowledge of local restaurants during work.

Uniqueness. Those who speak Value
Language #8 love to be brazen, radical and different. We often
find them crossing boundaries, trying to stand out and breaking
down traditional barriers. They can annoy us by being
contrarian, choosing activities and clothing for shock value or
starting office mutinies. If you have an office culture with
conventional dress and behavior rules, they will often push
that envelope.

Relationships. People who live by Value
Language #9 place importance on relationships. They are often
social connectors who have large networks of contacts,
and constantly talk about who they know. They believe
you get power by people proximity. They annoy us by
name-dropping, social climbing and pushing to get into the
in-crowd—whether that is in social or business environments.

Control. Value Language #10 defines
people who want to control both their internal and external
environments. People who speak Value Language #10 have the
constant need to be able to regulate everything from how they
look to how they feel to how others behave. Women are often
teased about trying to control their world and those around
them. They annoy us by commandeering collaborative projects,
refusing to ever ask for help, and taking on more than they can
handle.

Vanessa Van Edwards specializes in social
and emotional intelligence research and development. The focus
of her company is to combine human behavior
research and tech trends.

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