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Sexual abuse

In the last several weeks, we have all seen and heard the Donald Trump video. During the second debate, Mr. Trump looked down and said that he hadn’t done any of the things he bragged about in the video. A few days later, women came forward with their stories of sexual assault. It was painful to hear these women describe their experiences.

Some adults wonder—why didn’t these women come forward before the debate? Why were they silent until now?

Many of us remember the Anita Hill testimony on Capitol Hill in 1991 during the Clarence Thomas Supreme Court hearings. Ms. Hill shared her experiences of sexually inappropriate behavior by Clarence Thomas. Afterward, 1000’s of women told their own stories of sexual assault. Most of these stories had never been disclosed to anyone. During that time, a close friend shared with me how she was seduced by a man in a position of power, and how she realized that it had not been a mutual relationship at all. She was filled with anger, humiliation, and shame. She had told herself a “story” about this experience, that she now realized was fiction, as a way of protecting herself from feeling ashamed. Another friend told me about inappropriate “touch” from a man in an authority position. I have heard from many men and women who were victims of childhood sexual abuse by a trusted adult. These recent news stories trigger intense feelings of anger, shame, and fear in these adults.

During the 1980’s, I had a female supervisor inappropriately place her hands on me while meeting with me. It was very uncomfortable and awkward—it made me angry. But I didn’t think that it would be a good idea to go to her supervisor. I was fearful I would be told I was being “overly sensitive”. I tried to sit where she couldn’t reach me.

As a teenager, growing up in New York City, all of my female friends told me that they had seen men exposing themselves on the subway. It was shocking, but I couldn’t find one woman that hadn’t had that experience.

Sexual assault, inappropriate touching, and lewd behavior cause pain, anger, and fear. Sadly, most victims blame themselves and feel somehow responsible. Victims feel shame. They try to bury these experiences, forget them, “move on”—sweep them under the rug. This is why so many adults keep these experiences to themselves. They don’t want to think about them or remember them. But they are never forgotten. And, they can become disabling, impacting an adult’s relationships, self-esteem, and sexuality. These experiences are often deeply damaging.

It’s painful, but ultimately a healing experience, when adults divulge these secrets to others. It takes a great deal of courage to drag these memories out of the bottom of our closet and bring them into the light of day. It’s not an easy thing to do. But when these accounts come into the light, their darkness fades. Men and women can begin to heal and find a place for these painful recollections.

Comments

I believe that the dynnamic in action in this situation was a "reaction formation".

If you will recall, they disbelieved her because she continued to interact with

Clarence Thomas. Precisely as a mechanism for continuing on with her life as

she perceived as expedient, and not because he hadn't done what he was accused

of. Most of us have done this in one way or another and to one degree or another,

e..g., disliking a teacher but feeling the need to disguise the dislike.

Submitted by Doris Sinclair on Thu, 10/20/2016 - 2:23pm

I believe that the dynamic in this situation was the "reaction formation".

Anita Hill was abused by Clarance Thomas but had to behave in an opposite

way in order to disguise her dislike. He had power and she did not, and it was

not expedient for her to act as she felt.

Submitted by Shannon Findlay on Fri, 10/21/2016 - 12:51pm

Thank you for blogging about sexual assault. I think it is time we all start talking about our culture that excuses and even encourages predatory behavior. CONSENT needs to be a part of our national conversation. CONSENT needs to be a part of sex education in school.

Submitted by Janet on Fri, 10/21/2016 - 2:05pm

Thank you for this insightful article.

Submitted by Anonymous on Sat, 10/22/2016 - 1:15pm

as a victim of sexual assault in the 1980s I was terrified to report it. I remember the victim has to endure such disgrace reporting such things that the assault was easier for me to deal with alone and only a few close friends. The victim was made to feel as if they caused it .. I hope times are changing but I understand these womens fears and only now do they feel unafraid to come forward..such a famous man with money how do you really thing it would have gone for them?

Submitted by Jackie Williams on Mon, 10/24/2016 - 11:07am

I am so sick of this being the focal point of this election and now Dr. Paul has cast his opinion into the ring. The timing of these woman coming forward now, was nothing more than another one of the Clinton's well timed diversions, as WikkiLEAKS was releashing more emails and tapes. Locker room talk is a lot different than committing the act.

i don't want open borders, sanctuary cities. a woman that lied about Benghazi, lied to the parents as their children's bodies rolled out the back of a plane. Lied to Congress, committed perjury, lied to the FBI, deleted over 33,000 emails while under a federal subpoena and used bleach bit on the hard drive so even GOD
can' t find them , smashed electronic devices. You want to use a sexual predator? than use Bill Clinton!! He's guilty and Hillary did every thing in her power to discredit his accusers. and had it o been for the "blue" dress; than Monica would have been discredited.

Dr. Paul: I believe I know who you are voting for and I believe you know who I am voting for. You would be the last doctor at the Everett Clinic that i would call if I needed help.

And what the hell prompted you to add your 2 cents. Dr. C Donald Williams in Yakima preyed on his patents sexually, it' a matter of public record through the health department and the DOH let him keep his license and when Williams became ostracized by the medical community, he just took his predator self over to WA S LNI and got a provider number and still preys on his patients, just in a different way

Submitted by Lynda stow on Tue, 10/25/2016 - 1:52pm

I do not believe as a health care company you should bring up politics. This is a great thing to discuss but to name a person during a presidential race is one sided and I believe an attempt to sway votes. You are a health care provider , please do not get into politics