Memphis lost to the Clippers in L.A. last
night on what would have been Elvis' 68th birthday,
and the clever arena people played No.-1 hit "Return
to Sender" when the scoreboard screen showed spectator
(and ex-Clip) Darius Miles sitting behind the basket.
Sounds like a column theme:

All Shook Up
The glare remains on NFL refs. To avoid
future debacles, NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue
announced an immediate policy change: ALL on-field
officials will huddle on calls in dispute, effective
this weekend. Expect extra-tightly called games that
run long.

Unrelated, but notable: He also said changes to
the coin-flip-driven OT policy (just a Super Bowl away
from being the sports world's biggest fiasco) are
"unlikely." Speaking of coin flips, one won't be
necessary to determine draft order after all, the NFL
said: the Cowboys pick fifth in the draft, the Cards
sixth. Any more reversals this week?

Suspicious Minds
Most outrageous playoff side-story: Steelers LB Joey
Porter said he's motivated by Titans strength coach
Steve Watterson, who Porter claims spilled hot coffee
on him on the sidelines during Tennessee's 31-23 win
on Nov. 17. The Titans say it was an accident and
dispute Porter's accuracy: It was chicken broth.
Watterson denies any intent. In an interesting twist,
Porter says he has it on tape. So let's see it!

Jailhouse Rock
'97 World Series hero and current S.F. Giants pitcher
Livan Hernandez was arrested yesterday for allegedly
trying to whack another guy with a golf club. Lucky
for him he allegedly matched his '02 Series performance; he couldn't find the strike zone then, either.

It's Now or Never
Finding a more productive use for golf clubs, the PGA
Tour's 2003

"QUESTIONS, QUESTIONS" EDITION

CONVERSATION TOPICS THAT ARE IN PLAY:

1. What effect will massive scrutiny have on NFL refs?
2. How upset is Theo Epstein's boss that he can't get Colon?
3. Can any cheesy bachelors be good enough for Trista?

season tees off today in Hawaii with the
Mercedes Championship, which brings together all the
2002 tournament winners. Well, except the two biggest
names: Tiger Woods (still nursing injury) and Phil
Mickelson (on vacation). But the upside for everyone
else is that it is probably the best shot any of them
have of winning this year. Prediction: Defending champ
Sergio Garcia repeats.

Stuck On You
The Bengals' coaching search is coming down to the
wire. According to several reports, the team wants a
coach in place by this weekend. The Cincinnati
Enquirer says owner Mike Brown apparently likes Tom
Coughlin, whose agent denies a rift over control
issues between the team and his client, but Brown's
daughter, EVP Katie Blackburn, is rumored to like
Marvin Lewis.

Good Luck Charm
Usually an NBA star's favorite scrub can avoid being
waived (see Shaq/Madsen), but Dirk Nowitzki's buddy
Adam

Harrington was dumped after the U.N.-like Mavs
made an offer to French sharpshooter Antoine
Rigaudeau, who must still wriggle out of his Italian
League contract. After missing out on Jimmy Jackson,
maybe the Lakers should pick up Harrington.