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Wednesday, August 1, 2012

She's 4, Don't Trust Her

If you have an early riser in your house, then you know how I feel. Alice has always woke with the sun. Regardless. Period. I have googled. Read sleep books. You name it, we've done it. Now that she's 4, I hardly ever get up when she does. I'm not far behind, for I know the trouble my little 35lbs of curiosity can manage in a very short amount of time.

Reasons Alice Shouldn't Be Trusted

She enjoys using her purple handle scissors immensely. Victims to date include, but are not limited to, Rapunzel, Blinking Dora, Sydney Barbie, countless mermaids, and herself.

She can move her kitchen stool to the sink, reach the soap, and turn on the water. Washing dishes and dolls is a favored pastime. Flooding the counter and floor is merely a ramification.

Her size allows her to reach almost anything on any shelf. What she can not reach on her own, standing on a chair can fix.

Independence can cause her to overestimate her ability. Much to her, and my, dismay she can not lift, carry and pour a cup of oj from a full gallon.

For research purposes alone, she could flush anything down the toilet at any moment.

She feels that glue and tape are one in the same.

Her sweet tooth and early morning hunger pangs turn her into a savage beast. A factory sealed bag of chocolate chips is no match for her teeth.

First and foremost, Alice is an artist. Young artist are a danger to themselves and their surroundings.

Oh, honey, I feel your pain. I'm always up before the kids, but I have an artist, too. She has tattooed (with a sharpie) everything from walls to siblings and uses scissors like it's her job. It's terrifying! ;)

Oh dear. These girls are going to give everyone a run for their money as soon as they move out of cribs. They're actually at the stage where it'd be safest for them in beds (they can get their legs over the top railings and are starting to get insanely good at pulling themselves up), but their parents don't want to experience the horror that is 3 toddlers in big girl beds just yet. Would putting a little snack just outside Alice's door (a covered bowl of dry cereal that she can get into or something like that) and something fun to do in a bag. You could make it a daily surprise: a few art supplies, a toy and a snack waiting for her every morning. What else do you do all day but plan for these things, right? There is, of course, a sure-fire solution. Tie her to the bed. What could possibly go wrong? Who could possibly object? It's either that or drug her...

P.S. Everything from What else to ... is said in complete sarcasm. Please don't alert CPS...