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I am a married female, and have been poly my entire life. I don't LIKE people. I really don't. I never JUST LIKE anyone. I either love them, dislike them, or don't care. Sometimes it feels like I'm going to boil over from the love I have in me. Sometimes I cry because I can't tell my heterosexual, monogamous, female friends (or, for that matter, my much older professors) JUST how much they mean to me. I live in fear of the people I love not knowing how much I love them.

And I would like to expound on that.

I am an introvert with a lot of love to give. Kind of ironic...I love loving other people, but when it comes to my own personal rechange time, I would rather read a book for a bit or blog or cook (alone!) than have cuddly lovey time. I want to give to the people I love; I want their lives to be better because of my presence. That may sound insecure. And I dunno...maybe it is. Is it insecure to want to make an impact on the lives of other people? I don't want to mean everything to everyone. But I would like to mean something to the people who mean everything to me.

Which, I suppose, brings me to the next fact about myself:
I talk too goddamn much. And I'm kind of acerbic when I do it. I try my best to be self aware and not-a-total-cunt, but sometimes, I slip up. It's not intentional. I work in kitchens. Telling someone to fuck off and die in a fire is slang for I LOVE YOU where I come from (Kitchen Hell...I come from Kitchen Hell)

If I get cuntalicious at you, I apologize. I'm not here to be destructive. I'm here to be constructive. Not just Here, the forum. Here, the world.

If you feel like telling someone to "fuck off and die" on this forum, it might not be a bad idea to take a few deep breaths, a shot of 80-proof, or whatever gets you through the night, step back from the keyboard, and save a draft of your post until you're feeling less "cuntalicious". This forum is not Hell's Kitchen and "fuck off" is not euphemism for "I love you".

Lulz. I know. And I think thus far I've done a decent job. One of my current personal projects involved the use of 'I Lanugage' and using concrete examples of WHY I feel the way I feel and all that touchy feely jazz. I guess what I'm trying to say is that while I do that...I might suppliment that with phrases like 'touchy feely jazz' or far worse, simply because it's just how I talk. And I type how I talk. I used to be an actual writer, but the road my life has needed to go down has made me more akin to Hunter S. Thompson than Shakespeare. My words aren't always (usually) pretty, but goddammit...they are mine.

Lulz. I know. And I think thus far I've done a decent job. One of my current personal projects involved the use of 'I Lanugage' and using concrete examples of WHY I feel the way I feel and all that touchy feely jazz. I guess what I'm trying to say is that while I do that...I might suppliment that with phrases like 'touchy feely jazz' or far worse, simply because it's just how I talk. And I type how I talk. I used to be an actual writer, but the road my life has needed to go down has made me more akin to Hunter S. Thompson than Shakespeare. My words aren't always (usually) pretty, but goddammit...they are mine.

Well - a thought for you
Now I'm not one who abides much political correctness myself (as some know). However, there's also a point you have to acknowledge that if you are going to have any kind of beneficial interaction with another human being, you can't turn them off/away right at the git-go so much that you are ignored.

So developing a little bigger vocabulary and a little respect for others (and their limitations) is a skill that's needed to navigate in the world.

Good skill to work on. It's still your choice when to USE that skill - but lacking it leaves you out alone & cold and no options available.

It took me a while to write this all out, because I wanted to be sure I phrased everything Just So. Sorry for the delay.

I feel like I should point out that a person doesn't need to use slang or curse words to be aggressive and insulting. Personally, I found the way you talked to me to be unwarranted, seeing as nothing I said in this thread was meant as a personal attack towards anyone. In fact, I kind of tongue-in-cheek insulted MYSELF a few times... The entire point of my getting cuntalicious for a second was to try and show that sometimes the language I use is occasionally coarse. At first, I did feel personally stung by your commentary. But then I took a step back, and thought that it's entirely possible that you aren't USED to being around people like me: people who can speak intelligently AND use the word fuck. Perhaps YOU felt personally insulted by the way I spoke about myself and about life in general. I don't know, but that was not my intent.

I cuss. I use slang. A lot. And I understand that sometimes that gets in the way of people understanding the message I'm trying to bring across. But you know what? So what? In the end, I didn't come here to be a super-impressive person, to wow anyone, to change anyone, to move anyone. If all you can see in my posts is capslock and fuck (and parentheticals, don't forget those!) then that's unfortunate, but not earth shattering to me. It's okay to not like me. Really. I say that without sarcasm. It won't kill me, because in my short time here, I've met other people who do.

My interactions on this site, brief as they may have been, have been by and large incredibly positive. So while I appreciate the advice, I think I'm going to keep on doing what I've been doing: being myself, sharing my thoughts and feelings, in my own way.

I prefer it when people are themselves whether it's in person or online.

The coarse language doesn't really bother me, per se, since I use it myself when speaking & I've learned to filter it when reading it so it doesn't get in the way of the message I'm getting from what was written.

I don't write with coarse language very often because I find that it DOES get in the way of the message I'm trying to convey if I do.

I love the word 'cuntalicious' though . Could you please give me your definition?

There's a semi-funny story attached to why I asked.

Several months ago Possibility was calling his supervisor a bitch and not being nice about it. I pointed out to him that, in my mind, bitch is an acronym for Babe In Total Control of Herself. I've ruined the word for him now, lol. *weeping crocodile tears* He challenged me to do the same thing with cunt & I've been trying to ever since.

I want to claim some of the derogatory terms for myself and all woman kind so we will no longer be offended by the terms.

I am an introvert with a lot of love to give. Kind of ironic...I love loving other people, but when it comes to my own personal rechange time, I would rather read a book for a bit or blog or cook (alone!) than have cuddly lovey time. I want to give to the people I love; I want their lives to be better because of my presence. That may sound insecure. And I dunno...maybe it is. Is it insecure to want to make an impact on the lives of other people? I don't want to mean everything to everyone. But I would like to mean something to the people who mean everything to me.

Introverts can have a tonne of love, they just may express it differently than someone who is an extrovert. That is quite a task you have alloted yourself. Meaning a little something to everyone...

Quote:

Which, I suppose, brings me to the next fact about myself:
I talk too goddamn much. And I'm kind of acerbic when I do it. I try my best to be self aware and not-a-total-cunt, but sometimes, I slip up. It's not intentional. I work in kitchens. Telling someone to fuck off and die in a fire is slang for I LOVE YOU where I come from (Kitchen Hell...I come from Kitchen Hell)

Most excellent. My wife was a kitchen rat. Still would be if it wasn't for the insane hours, alcohol, drugs and little pay/respect ...she misses it dearly and was a pastry chef for over a decade. Most of my friends are cooks/chefs and its a crowd I do enjoy hanging out with. Very in your face (amazing how introverts explode in the right situations )

Actually got to watch the finale of Kitchen Nightmare at Araxi and meet the new head chef that won last year. Quite a party at the time. Damn good restaurant to, unfortunately I am not rich enough to eat there often. Ironically I picked the winner in the first episode. Dave Levey is...very whistler. So Whistler its ridiculous. No one else could have handled the atmosphere of this town hahaha