I had to look up which Sand Snake was putting the moves on Bronn, since this show has never actually name-checked Obara, Tyene, and Nymeria. But Bronn is not thinking about name-checking at the moment. Not at all.

Jaime launches into an awkward speech about how we don't choose whom we love. Oh, no, is he really gonna do this now? He's like, "What I'm trying to say is..." "... that you're putting the wood to your sister?" interjects Myrcella? "Because I totally know. I'm still glad you're my father."

And just like that, Jaime Lannister is Father of the Year. Is he also brother of the year?

I hope Jaime's also Doctor of the Year, because Myrcella's nose starts bleeding. Just like Bronn's was when he was poisoned with the Long Goodbye.

Her own nose already bleeding, Ellaria knocks back some antidote. The poison was in her lip gloss.

Building consensus

Team Dragon Mama! In the absence of the actual Dragon Mama, Tyrion Lannister, Ser Jorah Mormont, and aario the Lothario are hanging out in the empty throne room. How the freak did they get out of the arena? Remember, the arena where they were surrounded by bloodthirsty fanatics? After Daenerys Targaryen abandoned them?

Tyrion is telling Jorah and Daario that neither of them has a future with Dany, but he's interrupted by Grey Worm and She3PO. Grey Worm says Jorah should be exiled, but She3PO springs to his defense. She also mentions Tyrion saved her life, choosing a remarkably PC way to describe him. Tyrion corrects her in Valyrian: "Dwarf." So cool. Always so cool. Even when stuff like this happens.

They argue over who gets to go find Daenerys, until Daario suggests that Tyrion stay in Mereen to govern through She3PO and Grey Worm, while he and Jorah look for Dany. Grey Worm is still healing from his own encounter with the Sons of the Harpy earlier this season, so he's not fit to ride out anyway.

Decided. So Daario and Jorah head out on what will be the awkward-est road trip ever.

As he watches them leave, Tyrion is joined by... Varys the Spider, who somehow tracked the Imp to Mereen.

Varys agrees to help Tyrion keep this shit-show of a city together. Action-comedy team: reunited.

Stranger in a strange land

So it looks like Drogon flew Daenerys Targaryen into a Kate Bush video. He's really weak, though, after getting pincusioned by all those spears. He's eaten quite a few cows, but he's not looking good. At all.

She tries to straddle the dragon again, but he just groans and throws her off. Frustrated, Daenerys hikes down into the valley, where she finds herself surrounded by Dothraki riders. Hundreds and hundreds of them, if not thousands.

Dany ditches her ring: she doesn't want this group to know that she's connected to Khal Drogo's khaalasar. Also, maybe if Jorah and Daario are as good as Aragorn was in The Two Towers, they'll manage to find it and track her.

Back at King's Landing, Cersei Lannister is still rotting in jail. Mean Nun comes in and says what she always says: "Confess."

Walk of shame

On her knees before the High Septon/High Sparrow, she puts on a show of contrition. Cersei confesses. Well, she confesses to shagging her cousin Lancel, but not her brother Jaime.

The High Septon says that Cersei will still have to stand trial for her sins.