Monday, 27 June 2011

A weekend of good times...and the BEST cabbie experience EVER...

Family,

And a good evening to you from across the globe after another GREAT DAY in the Lion City. The Bull did a first tonight - exercising the day after a half marathon. I logged 30 KM on the bike in an hour, going slightly slower than normal given the fatigue in the quads. Hairless - you'll be happy to know that I proudly wore my "Livestrong" shirt (yes, the one that I BAKED the "stank" into last week in the gym and gave that stationary bike HELL whilst reading my Kindle. I looked pretty manly...and smelled pretty manly as well.

I know that I owe you a recap of the weekend, so let's jump into that. The Bull managed a lengthy but disrupted slumber on Friday night, as the cold was still with him. However, I was awake of my own accord by 9:15, had the blog down before 10, and then was over to Starbucks (where they made an AMAZING cup of coffee - my faith in humanity has been restored) and back by 10:15, at which point I did the unthinkable - IRONED FOR 1 HOUR STRAIGHT. Seriously, I'd been staring at a pile of clothes bigger than Aconcagua for the previous 3 weeks, and Saturday morning pushed me over the edge. Big Cat, don't worry -none of them are ironed well - but I did a nice job of pushing the kinks around and making some of the larger creases permanent.

After popping over for lunch at Boomerang (small Boomerang Deluxe - that's steak, pepperoni, ham, bacon, cheese, mushrooms, onions, and tomatoes for those of you curious about my pre-race calorie intake - CHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUBBY BUUUUUUUUUUUUNNY!!!!!), I hailed a cab to get over to McRitchie, as I had to pick up my race packet. It was at this point, ladies and gentlemen, that I had my best cabbie experience EVER. My driver, let's call him "Hung Lo," was QUITE the character.

So we're chatting and he's driving me down Orchard Road and he casually says, "I like to come here, you know? To see, the..uh, the girls. They are all so pretty." I think he's making casual conversation, so I agree and say, "Yes, there are a lot of pretty girls in Singapore" (none as pretty as you, Muffin!!!). But then, suddenly, Hung Lo misinterprets what I say (as well as the fact that I've said I'm married about 5 times AND have a wedding band on), and the conversation begins to go downhill. A brief recap:

Hung Lo (HL): "Ah, you like the Orchard girls, too, eh?"

Sammy the Bull (StB): (not liking where this is trending so being evasive) "I do love good people watching."

HL: "Ah, you like Orchard Towers? You been?" (Side note - Orchard Towers is basically a HUGE brothel in the center of the city - it's nickname is "Four Floors of Whores").

StB: (in shock) "To Orchard Towers? Um, no."

HL: "Ah, it is so NICE! But expensive, no? You can rent the room by the hour, but is still expensive. You pay three or four hundred for an hour. But is nice!"

StB: "Oh, wow. Didn't know that." (SOMEONE SHOOT ME IN THE FACE)

HL: "Or Geelang, you go Geelang?"

StB: "Nope. Never been there. Heard it's a neat area." (I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE GEELANG IS - WILL JUMPING OUT OF A CAR AT 40 MPH KILL ME?)

HL: "Ah, that much better. Girls not as nice but better. Different prices, but watch out for pimps. You no touch girls until you pay."

StB: "Ah, okay." (I MEAN SERIOUSLY - WTH WOULD YOU DO IN A SITUATION LIKE THIS?)

HL: "You can get Chinese girls for $100 a shot." (NO JOKE - HE SAID "$100 A SHOT"). "I like the Burma girls. They more, but they nice. And hotel is cheap. You get hotel for $20. But bring condom. Otherwise, is another $2."

StB: "$2 for a condom? That seems like a lot." (Now I'm intrigued again - LOOK AT THIS FREE MARKET ECONOMY IN ACTION - SUPPLY AND DEMAND, BABY!).

HL: "It is, but you must have. You no have they no let. You know?" (NO I DON'T KNOW, DAMN IT! I'M MARRIED AND MY WIFE IS SOMEWHERE UNDERWATER IN MALAYSIA DODGING STINGRAY. CAN'T YOU SEE I'M UNDER ENOUGH PRESSURE!?!?!?)

Hung Lo continues for awhile, talking about Parliament, MP's, why Singapore should buy more weapons from America - YOU NAME IT. And the worst part? Because my phone was dead and I would not have been able to get another cab, I had to ride with this guy BACK TO THE CONDO. Looking back, it was hilarious, but DAMN was that uncomfortable.

The afternoon was pretty chill, as I didn't want to expend a lot of energy. I did wander over to the Japanese grocery store with Money and Dan, and I found myself wandering down the beer isle. Now it should be noted that the bull hasn't bought A SINGLE BEER for his fridge, but on Saturday I caved. I mean, what's a post race celebration without brewskis? Granted, they don't have my High Life 40 (which is the traditional post-race drink - NOT JOKING - don't hate the Lady in the Moon), but they did have some fun Japanese stuff (shocking in a Japanese supermarket, I know), so I picked up a few. But the most shocking thing? THEY HAD CASES OF MILLER LITE. Seriously - Miller Lite was going for over $3.50 SGD a bottle, and the case was $75!!!! I looked over at Money and said, "Who the HELL would buy even ONE of those?" And sure enough, 2 seconds later, some expat wanders over and STOCKS UP on a case of it (as well as a few individual soldiers). Rice, I know that you're a Rusty Fan, but if it were MORE EXPENSIVE than Fat Tire or Sam Adams...well, I know you're with me.

Dinner that night was pasta - two rounds of it, and then bed at 10 PM (although it took me until 1 AM to actually fall asleep. Yet again, my mind was racing far too hard to go to sleep, despite chatting with Muffin Puffin and confirming that she was okay AND 3 hours of reading Shogun (Terri - 87% of the way there!).

Sunday was a nice, lazy day. After the race, it was a proper "Coolangata" at Boomerang (yep, 2nd time in 2 days). We then returned to the condo, where I knocked back my present to myself for finishing: a $10 Japanese beer. After trying the Shonan from Riegel, I was curious about Japanese beer and wanted to try a few more. Now granted, given the price I was concerned that I could be developing an expensive habit, but the Patient Zero of this new excapade was the Hitachino Nest Beer "Sweet Stout." And whilst it was tast and fun to drink a beer that you can understand about .0000001% of the label (their could have been arsenic in it for all I knew), I am pretty sure I won't be picking up too many more of those. But I did follow it off with a nice Kirin Ichiban, so all was right with the world.

I also had a 1 hour Balinese massage from THE MOST AMAZING MASSAGE LADY EVER. Granted, she did put all of her body weight on her elbow and then tried to snap my shins and shoulder blades, but it was a small price to pay for SUCH a good rub down. Nanny - I was quite the "limberneck" when I walked out of there.

After that there was only 1 thing left to do - decide on the post race supper. The selection? You guessed it - ANOTHER LARGE BOOMERANGE DELUXE pizza (yes - THREE TIMES in 4 meals). But hey, we're out of the country the next FOUR weekends, so I had to get my fill, right?

Muffin Puffin rolled home about 9, and so we all just took it easy for the rest of the evening before passing out about 11:30.