Nowhere did I find places like Pleasant View, Stutsmanville, Advance, Waters, Good Hart, Horton’s Bay. No Charlevoix, no Gaylord, no Petoskey, no Harbor Springs, no Indian River, no Grayling, no Boyne City, no Traverse City. Not even Cross Village!

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I was outraged! Galled! Furious! You know, basically upset.

Boo! Hiss! I mean no offense to these cities, but here’s something I would classify as bogus. In the state of Michigan,

Money paid homage to such paradises as Detroit, Pontiac, Saginaw and Flint.

I’ll bet you’re just dying to know who’s No. 1, the best place to pitch a tent in the whole of America. Ready? Drum roll, please … in cities over 300,000, it’s Colorado Springs, and it’s Fort Collins

in the “small cities” category.

I smell a thief in the vault on this one. How come two Colorado towns topped the utopia list? Why are these places better than, say, Elmira or Bay Shore? Or Conway or Oden?

I’ll tell you what: I like East Jordan a lot, and how about great communities like Johannesburg and Walloon Lake?

Money put its money on Colorado Springs cuz it has three military bases and the Air Force Academy which dump a cool $2.6 billion into the local economy each year. I’m onto this Money-laundering scheme — all that matters to Money is money.

Fort Collins is cited for its outdoor lovers’ paradise, good schools, very little stress, low crime; that kind of stuff.

Sooooo! Big Deal. Boyne Falls, Pellston, Vanderbilt and Brutus have that and more.

Other “winners” in various categories: hottest — Avondale, Ariz. (107.6 average temp in July), not a place for a manual laborer like me; coldest — Fargo, N.D. (-2.3 average temperature in January), that’s, like, ridiculous; priciest homes — Newport Beach, Calif. ($1.4 million), that’s the MEDIAN price, folks; most singles — Bloomington, Ind. (58.2 percent of the population), no potential there unless you’re as young as a college student cuz it’s the home of Indiana University; most educated — Arlington, Va. (35.7 percent hold graduate degrees) I suppose that means they’re smarter than people in Mackinaw City.

Why were we robbed? Cuz they “surveyed” only cities of 50,000 population or more. Find me one north of Saginaw. If you do, I’ll give you my entire bank account (believe me, it’s huge).

Personally, I’m happy right here in Northern Michigan.

Smalltown America is “where it’s at.” Forget about a worthless “survey” based on Money and BIG.

Besides, we have wonderful Bliss. We’re talkin’ a real seventh heaven situated, appropriately, right at the Top of the Mitt.

I would strongly suggest to Money Magazine the next time they do a “survey” they include us Northern Michigan “little guys” — truly the BEST place to live for my money.