You know what I recently realized? I actually really fucking like strawberries. I mean, they taste great, especially with chocolate – it’s one thing that I actually take the time to savor as I stuff it down my throat (heh, that’s what she said!...but seriously), and it also smells really fantastic as a hair product.

Because every other flavor of strawberry I’ve smelt doesn’t smell as good as hers.

…yeah, okay, so maybe I did go around sniffing at girls who smelled vaguely like strawberries. Are you judging me?

Don’t mess.

I will cut you.

It’s not like they actually cared. I’m pretty sure one of them swooned at me because I was apparently in her personal bubble and she didn’t mind at all. But I walked away before she jumped me or something. I am not going through something like that. James told me about the first time he got jumped by a fangirl. I’m pretty sure he’s never been the same since.

Poor sod’s actually afraid of girls.

The only one he seems to be okay with is his best friend turned girlfriend.

Angela Winston.

So fucking hot.

I’d do her any day, except I’m pretty sure James would destroy me if I tried, so, along with the rest of the guys in our family, I have to be outwardly polite to her as I mentally snog her against a desk whilst taking off all of her clothes.

I guess I’ll have to stop after she gets married to James. That’s not as acceptable with a sister-in-law.

Damn.

She’s a really good mental shagger. I’m actually kind of upset at how much of a waste it is for her to marry James.

“Louis.”

“WHAT?!”

…whoops. Aisha jerked back with an alarmed look on her face at my sudden outburst. You can’t just come at me like that when I’m in the middle of deep thought. It’s rude. Gosh.

“Sorry,” I said quickly, fisting the hair on the back of my head as I looked at her sheepishly, “you startled me. People generally tend to leave me alone when I’m sitting around and thinking.”

“I guess I’ll keep that in mind from now on,” she replied, smiling at me. “Can I join you?”

“Er…yeah, sure,” I said reluctantly, holding out my hand to her so she could climb up on my window ledge with me. Damn. I like sitting here myself. It’s kinda nice, you know, because it’s a bit high up so the midgets can’t harass me, and you can see the lake in the distance and even though sometimes it’s disturbing to watch the Squid snatch some birds out of the air, I still like it.

Because it’s mine.

And yeah, this castle technically doesn’t belong to me, but it’s sort of an unwritten rule with my family – and therefore most of the school population – that no one comes to the ledge on the fifth floor. The spot belongs to me, just like Al frequently likes to hang out in the room-that-shouldn’t-be-there-because-you-can-only-find-it-if-you-squish-through-the-tiny-space-between-two-walls near the melted classroom on the second floor and Rose has an alcove in the library. It’s where we go when we don’t want people around us. In a family like mine, you need a place like that in order to stay sane.

I kind of wish Aisha knew that and would leave me alone.

It sucks to have to act all the time.

“This place is nice,” she said, looking out of the window in delight.

“Yeah,” I said unhappily. I don’t want you here. Go away.

“Do you come here often?”

“Just sometimes, when I want to think and stuff. It’s where Rose and Al and everyone know not to bug me.”

I looked expectantly at her. She smiled brightly at me. “Well, I really like it.”

I guess I was too subtle for her.

“So,” she said, after she was done smiling at me as I stared at her for being so stupid, “I was thinking –”

“Wanna go to Hogsmeade with me?”

What. WHAT. DID I REALLY JUST SAY THAT.

Shit.

SHIT.

I WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO SAY THAT. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. HOLY SHIT SOMETHING JUST TOOK OVER MY BRAIN AND MADE ME SAY THAT AND SHIT AND SHIT AND –

“Oh,” she sounded surprised. Shit. “Well, sure.”

…shit.

I smiled as best as I could. She smiled back vibrantly, and I suddenly felt like a douchebag.

Shit.

“I was just going to ask you if you were going to ask me,” she admitted quietly, blushing.

I’m not even going to say it.

Ha, of course I’m going to say it: damn fuck shit.

“Oh, really?” I asked teasingly, nudging her foot with mine. “Sounds like someone’s got a little crush on me.”

She raised her eyebrow and nudged my foot in retaliation. “Well it’s pretty obvious to me that you like me back.”

I shrugged. “You caught me.”

She grinned.

I am going to hell for being such a horrible person.

But at least I’ll have a 100 galleons and Rose’s everlasting respect.

+++

“Smooth,” Al snorted when I told him later that day.

I threw a shoe at him.

Serves him right, arsehole.

“I’m a jerk,” I said miserably, flopping down on my bed face first.

“Hey, you’ll be a rich jerk,” Al said, pushing me aside and laying down on my bed next to me.

Don’t hate on our bromance.

“Sadly, even that doesn’t make me feel any better,” I muttered.

“You’re become attached,” Al sang, staring up at my ceiling.

“No I’m not,” I imitated, kicking him. “I just feel like an arsehole.”

“Well that’s because you are an arsehole.”

“Stop singing, we sound gay.”

“Yeah, it was starting to get weird.”

I groaned into my pillow. “Stupid Rose and her stupid binding bet.”

“I take offense to that,” Rose said from the doorway.

Over the years, Al and I have gotten used to her appearing out of nowhere. Basically, Rose Weasley is kind of like an omnipresent ninja and if you question her you’ll get a really weird look. But it’s really just her covering up the fact that she’s a ninja so she doesn’t get demoted from the ninja ranks.

It’s all pretty clear, actually.

I’m a genius, no big deal.

“Move,” she commanded, and I scooted over so that Rose could wiggle herself into the miniscule amount of space left.

My bed is too small for this.

“So, you’re taking Aisha to Hogsmeade?” Rose asked after she was done poking Al repeatedly so that he would budge over.

“Ympf.”

“Where are you taking her?”

“Aydono.”

“Scorpius Malfoy snogged me against a wall today.”

“WHAT?!”

Al and I both flailed up into sitting positions, staring down at Rose as though she had sprouted new limbs from her eyebrows. She just shrugged against and mattress and closed her eyes.

“I walked up to him to give me a good piece of my mind because he’s just such an insufferable arse all the time, and he sort of just pushed me against a wall and started kissing me. Felt pretty good, so I kissed him back, and then we started really going at it and he stepped away and tried pulling out all his hair, except not really – it was like that weird thing guys do with their hair when they pull it all in their fists and start walking around like hyperactive freaks…and, well, basically, he snogged me against a wall, had a mild panic attack afterwards, and then practically ran away from me,” Rose rambled as we sat there in shocked silence.

First of all, I didn’t want to know all that.

Second…what the fuck.

Seriously. What the ACTUAL fuck.

Who does that? Does Malfoy have some sort of developmental psychotic problem or something? What kind of person does something–

I don’t even know what to say to this.

“Ohmigawd, really?” Al asked in a mock-female voice, leaning his chin down on the pillow next to her head. “Tell me all about it, girlfriend.”

“He’s a good snogger,” Rose replied, not even bothering to hit Al for mocking her.

Something is wrong here. Rose is normally more violent than this when we tease her about the fact that she tries to treat us like female friends and we’re…well, not. (Generally, Al does the girl-imitations. Frighteningly enough, he’s better at it than I am.)

Can brain infections be transferred through saliva, though? Fuck, what if arsehole-ness is transferred through saliva?

Bloody hell, I might strangle Rose if she turns from her awesome self into some sort of funky Malfoy-clone. Screw Karma points and going to hell. I will honest to Merlin strangle her.

“I’m sleeping here tonight,” Rose decided, wiggling into my mattress.

“Don’t you have your own damn bed?” I demanded.

“Too lazy.”

Nah, I’ll have this Rose forever, Malfoy-salivary infections or not. She’s too Rose-like to be taken over by his pathogens. She’ll continue to eat our food, sleep on our beds, and wear our clothing. Why? Because she knows it annoys the piss out of us.

And also apparently because it’s “comfortable” and she “loves us”.

Sure, Rosie. Whatever you say.

+++

“Er, Weasley? Can I speak to you for a minute?”

Why the hell is Malfoy speaking to me?

I turned around and gave Malfoy a weird look. “No.”

“He means me, you prat,” Rose said, rolling her eyes at me and stepping towards Malfoy. My hand jumped after her to pull her away from the kid, but I knew she’d probably kick my sensitive area if I tried.

She doesn’t appreciate being “lugged around like some sort of freakish, overgrown sack” or “treated like I’m some sort of baby you need to be constantly watching”.

I mean, we’re just looking out for her. No need to get all huffy. Jeez.

“What’s up, Malfoy?” Rose asked nonchalantly, and I stuffed my hands in my pockets so I wouldn’t punch the kid’s face. He scratched at the back of his head and glanced at me and Al.

“Alone,” he finally said, dropping the hand to look at Rose.

“Whatever you need to say to her, you can say in front of us,” Al told him loudly.

Well, unless he wants to go into detail about their snog yesterday. Then I think I’d rather go in and eat lunch. And not listen to anything.

“Sure,” Rose agreed, completely ignoring Al. Malfoy apparently did the same, because he didn’t even spare us a second glance as he let Rose lead him down a deserted hallway.

“Wha –” Al started furiously, but I held up a hand for him to be quiet, peering around the corner at Rose and Malfoy. They were still walking away.

“Get out your dad’s cloak.”

“We are such gits,” Al said gleefully, pulling it out of his bag and draping it over us after a cursory glance around to make sure no one was watching. We both counted to three and then walked briskly down the hallway after Rose and Scorpius in unison.

Yeah, we’ve had a lot of practice with this kind of stuff.

We’re pretty awesome at life.

…and stalking.

We followed Rose and Malfoy around the corner, upon which Malfoy promptly shoved Rose against the wall and started attacking her with his mouth.

WHAT THE FUCK – I quickly covered my ears and screwed up my eyes to avoid seeing or hearing…anything. Bloody hell, I’m too boss to be mentally scarred by my cousin and her slag-ish ways with Malfoy! THIS IS BULLCRUD.

“Stop,” Rose gasped, pushing Malfoy away with one hand.

Well, at least we know she won’t be turning into Dom anytime soon.

“Sorry,” Malfoy panted, resting his head over her shoulder against the wall, “that was rude. I shouldn’t have just started kissing you.”

“Is that what you wanted to ‘talk’ about?” Rose asked, looking slightly irritated.

“No, I actually wanted to talk,” Malfoy laughed lightly, pulling his forehead away from the wall so he could drop it closer to Rose’s face.

Rose laughed, “Yeah, just a bit. I could have figured that part out for myself though, you didn’t need to drag me here to tell me.”

Score for Rose.

Malfoy shook his head and pressed his hand to her mouth to get her to shut up. I waited for her to bite him.

…SHE DIDN’T BITE HIM?! Bullshit! That is unfair. I get bitten all the time for trying to get Rose to shut up by doing that.

“You make me not want to be a prat anymore,” Malfoy said.

Good thing I didn’t eat. I would have probably spewed my guts all over Al’s Dad’s cloak. And the floor. And Al.

And then he would have beaten my arse. And then Filch would have beaten my arse after that.

All because of Malfoy.

So I’d probably go to beat his arse, and then Rose would kill me for killing the kid that stopped being a prat just for her. If I died, then Victoire would become a raging alcoholic to get through the pain, and Ted would join her because he’s in love with her and apparently, that’s what blokes pathetically in love do. And then Dom would officially become a prostitute, and –

Actually, I’m pretty sure Dom would be a prostitute regardless of my death.

A slight pause. I really hope he’s going to tell her that he’s no longer available and not that he loves her or something. Because then I’m pretty sure I’ll have lost and I don’t have a 100 galleons.

“Wanna be snog buddies?”

HOLY SHIT!

Al muffliato’d the cloak and we both burst into laughter. Oh Merlin, priceless! That was bloody fucking priceless! Rose is going to have his head. This is going to be awesome to watch.

“Okay.”

She’s going to punch his face, and then knee him and walk away and it’s gonna be –

Hold on.

…did Rose just…

“What the hell?” Al asked wonderingly from next to me, staring as Malfoy’s face broke out into a grin and him and Rose went back to snogging against the wall.

“Is this some sort of sick joke?” I asked disbelievingly. “She’s not turning into a Dom, is she?”

“Dear Merlin, I might actually cry if that happened,” Al said faintly.

We don’t like to advertise this much (the others might get jealous), but Rose is our favorite cousin.

She’s kind of kickass.

One of the boys, even.

So this…is really fucking weird.

+++

“And then they just started snogging against a fucking wall!”

Aisha burst out into laughter, the loud noise echoing around the lake. The Giant Squid raised a tentacle in response.

“What?” I asked indignantly, poking her on the arm as she continued to laugh, “it’s not funny, Aisha!”

“It really is,” she gasped, leaning back against me, “Rose Weasley and Scorpius Malfoy…I thought it would never happen.”

“You were expecting it to?!”

She chuckled and moved my arm so that it was wrapped around her waist. Dude, I could fit my arm around that thing twice, that’s how tiny she is.

“Their sexual tension is ready to explode, Lou,” she told me, leaning back so that I was enveloped in a bubble of strawberry. “I really don’t see how you weren’t able to notice it.”

I spluttered at her. “But – she – they – he trip jinxed her down the stairs! They could barely stay in the same room together without getting into a fight – the one time he was nice to her, he just…completely forgot about it and started being an arse, and –”

“You’re such a clueless idiot.”

Well.

“What would you do if you liked a girl you weren’t supposed to like?” Aisha asked me, twisting around so that she was looking right at me.

You know, her eyes are really pretty.

“You have pretty eyes,” I said stupidly.

She rolled them. “Can you focus, please?”

“No, they’re really blue, I –”

“Louis. Focus,” she laughed, pushing my face away from hers as I leaned forward to better inspect her eyes.

“Fine,” I squinted over the lake as I thought about it. “I guess I’d try to stop.”

“Look, I notice things,” Aisha said, cutting me off gently, “and it might seem really improbable to you, but you should see the way he looks at her. It’s…it’s like she’s the most beautiful thing he’s seen in his entire life, you know?”

I visibly gagged, and she hit me. “Louis, stop being an arse, I’m serious!”

“I’m scarred,” I replied truthfully.

Aisha rolled her eyes. “I really don’t know why I like you so much.”

A large grin unfurled over my face, and I leaned back against the tree and pulled her up against me, making her giggle. “It’s because I’m awesome,” I said smugly.