The Versatile Blogger Award | 2

Allow me to introduce y’all to chica drama bubble lord (moi). These past few days have been pretty rough as I’ve been in a total rut. And what is this pile of douche I am laying you ask? WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE!?!?!?! Yup. That’s it. No big deal right? I mean, unless I want to live under a metro bus and become a gold digger it’s kind of like a cookie no cookie (I want cookies, can you tell?) situation! Up to this point in my life I’ve always know exactly where I was headed and what my future was lookin like. Now? You would think that having graduated from one of the top universities in the world I’d be a little more “with it.” Well for all those suckers out there that believe a good education will “get you anywhere” and “open doors” you need a seriously slap across the face along with a full and hearty reality check. I am the absolute proof that you can have a top education, float on the tippy top of your student loan debt, and still be a dip watt. Dip watt? Yes, I did just invent that expression and I’m currently in the process of petitioning to have it added as a noun to the Merriam Webster dictionary.

So now that y’all know that you are reading the babbles of a hopeless turd this turd who goes by the name of Delphine will EVILY laugh (MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHA) in your face. And why? Because even dim watts can be special! (And I mean that in the most non insulting way possible). This is the second time yo girl has been nominated for the Versatile Blogger Award. I’m not exactly sure what makes me versatile, but can we count “not being able to shut my big fat pie hole?” (I mean, they call me The Babbler for a reason).

Many thanks to my nominator, CEBat M&C Crazy Book Blog. If we talkin’ versatile in the most literal sense of the word then this blogger is the absolute epitome of what a versatile blogger truly is. With reviews (books, what other kinds of reviews are there anyway?), memes, tags, bookish and not-so-bookish discussions CEB’s posts are always a delight to read and never to fail to life me from my down-in-the-dumps mood which has been the case a tad bit to often as of late (unemployed + shopaholic = hate mail + parent lectures x ramen noodle diet ^ 89339489384938). Enough of the chatter. Lets get to to the nomination (AKA moreeeee chatter!)

1. Unless you are a peeping Tom (if you are I definitely plan on discovering you and slapping you silly), you are entirely unaware of the fact that as I write this post I am gaining a considerable amount of love handles by scoffing down “healthy” chocolate chip cookies.They’re vegan, but like, come on. A cookie is a damn cookie. Whether you make it with eggs or egg substitute: it will make you fat when consumed in large quantities!

2. I hate peanut butter.
Yes guys, I know this is random but, as you can see, just about the only thing that’s keeping me sane at this point is FOOD, even foods I don’t like! Anything that has to do with peanuts, including classic trail mix and even Nutella is completely and utterly gross in my opinion. I would rather eat that cheep chicken from a can that you buy at the dollar store for the rest of my life than eat even a spoon of that nasty whipped smashed brown peanutty gooiness (wonderful description Delphine… can we barf yet?)

3. I want a mango treeI love mangoes. I seriously think I would do quite well living as a hermit in the Amazon and eating nothing but mangoes and nuts for the rest of my life… As long as I get the ocassional cookie like three times daily (girl’s gotta have her cookies!). Anyway, please be my companion and get me a house with a big backyard where I can grow countless mango trees.P.S. I’m pretty sure I’m the inspiration behind the song, Mango Tree from Angus & Julia Stone (best band EVER!!!)<iframe width=”560″ height=”315″

4. I drink about 5 bottles (large bottles) of coconut water daily.But in my defense, it’s the kind that with “no sugar added” (what a bunch of bologna). I don’t even think I drink regular water ever. It must MUST MUST be coconut…. I just realized that all these secrets I’m revealing about myself is about my “healthy” diet so I guess I’ll just continue on this streak…

5. My mama and I share an intimate relationship with licorice.
We’re old fashioned hippy sluts, what can I say? It’s our absolute favorite candy, given that neither of us are huge fans of chocolate, we snack and I mean like hardcore snack, on licorice. And yes my lovelies, even black licorice. YUM.

6. I don’t do barbeques.
Don’t ever invite me to a meat killing fiesta. I will not go. I am a vegan in the most literal sense of the word. I stand whole heartedly against animal cruelty and refuse to eat anything an everything that even has the slightest hint of dairy. Besides, barbeques always entail loud and obnoxious guests stuffing their faces until they explode and everyone always goes home smelling like they just rolled around in a butcher shop for five hours. I really think these annoying get- togethers should be banned from parks and people’s backyards, but that’s just me. I’m sure I’m being way too critical at this point. I’ll shut up now… SAVE THE UNLUCKY CHICKEN!! GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE (Wait, that was a turkey sound… What noise to chickens make? Help me out here mates. Google ain’t helping).

7. I have the metabolism of a 9 foot tall 6 foot wide gorilla.
Or as we like to call our friendly monster, Godzilla. For real. I can gain wait like it’s nobody’s business. That would be fine and dandy if I wasn’t such a hefty eater and ate like a normal 5 foot human munchkin. But no. When I say I eat A LOT y’all ain’t got no idea what A LOT even is. I could eat and eat and eat and still be hungry. I go jogging six times a week for an hour just so I don’t blow up into a plump blueberry, but I’m pretty sure the pounds are on their way. I swear I envy those suckers who eat candy bars all day everyday and remain a twig. UGHHH CURSE YOU MO FOS! Now that I’m actually acknowledgeing that I have an eating fetish and a slow metabolism, I’m not feelin all that great about the box of vegan cookies I just shoved down my throat… Damn, what the hell. Mind as well finish it off with some pudding.

Now that I’m pretty sure I’ve grossed all y’all out, you can also thank me. Why? Because now you’re so grossed out you’ve lost your appetite? Goodie goodie gum gooey drop. Less fat to put in your body! Whoot! Whoot! I gotcho backs! *wink* *wink*.
More time to blog then! Onto my nominees. Remember there is no need to throw a hissy fit or feel obliged to reveal your nautiness (lol -idk, that was weird), only if you want to, which I hope you do. But again: No pressure… :

Lol! I thanks it because when I was little I had really long hair and I got gum in so my mom plastered my head with peanut butter to get it out and now I can’t stand the smell and I’ve never liked the taste