"When I die, I'd like to be scattered over my hometown. But not, like, cremated or anything." — Mitch Berg.

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A friend of mine runs a local restaurant, and as is part and parcel of the industry, he works long hours under extreme stress. Sundays are inveriably his only day of decent rest, which of course makes Mondays an object of intense hatred. The phrase 'if it can go wrong it will go wrong' he believes was coined after witnessing what his typical Monday is like.
Sunday past saw us both involved in a sudden and spontaneous bout of sporting aspiration, which coupled with the fact that neither of us is at peak physical condition, left us aching come Sunday evening and expressing our apprehension at waking the following morning.
So upon waking that dreaded Monday morning and having my suspicions confirmed (who knew rigor mortis was possible in life), I decided to brighten his morning with the following text message:
'Aaargh....urgh....mmmpfhhhh......eeeesssshhhh....these were the sounds escaping from my lips this morning as my limbs rose in rebellion. At least for a change some-one else is having a lousy Monday morning...'
Little did I know that the restaurant was robbed that morning. (all were fine, but his cell phone was stolen before he could see my message)
So naturally I felt all kinds of stupid, but at least my original intentions were upheld.....when I told him what I had sent, well, I haven't seen him laugh like that in quite some time.
Which led me to collate the following list of famous last words (those inclined to RPG/fantasy should enjoy this list)
"Dear me, I believe I am becoming a god. An emperor ought at least to die on his feet." — Vespasian (9-79 AD), Roman emperor.
"I feel nothing, apart from a certain difficulty in continuing to exist." — Bernard de Fontenelle (1657-1757), French philosopher. Remark on his deathbed.
"I inhabit a weak, frail, decayed tenement; battered by the winds and broken in on by the storms, and, from all I can learn, the landlord does not intend to repair." — John Quincy Adams (1767-1848), Sixth president of the USA. Said during his last illness.
"Nonsense, they couldn't hit an elephant at this distance." — John Sedgwick (1813-64), US general. In response to a suggestion that he should not show himself over the parapet during the Battle of the Wilderness.
"Either that wallpaper goes, or I do." — Oscar Wilde (1854-1900), Irish-born British dramatist. As he lay dying in a drab Paris bedroom.
"Well, gentlemen, you are about to see a baked Appel." — George Appel, executed by electric chair in New York, 1928.
"I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter." — Winston Churchill (1874-1965).
"I did not get my Spaghetti-O's, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this." — Thomas J. Grasso, executed 1995.
"I intend to live forever — so far, so good" — Stephen Wright.

Those are great quotes indeed. The Stephen Wright one kind of sticks out though, since he isn't dead yet. He is an endless source of great quotes though (and, incidentally, he used to live in Rye, which is just down the road from where I live).

Here are a few of my favorites:"What's another word for Thesaurus?""Why isn't phoenetic spelled the way it sounds?""How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't live there?"