“Hi! I'm here at the World of Coca-Cola in Atlanta, GA and I'm gonna to use up my five minutes and tell you everything I've learned about the magical world of Coke. Coke, as you may well know, is the nectar of the Gods. It was invented in 1885 or maybe 1886 or something like 1880-something by, uh, John Pemberton. He used his botantical knowledge to create the super secret formula of Coke and he called it, uh, Coke. He actually didn't call it Coke, that comes later. So, he took this syrup down to this place called Jacob's Pharmacy and he's like, "Look at this syrup, it might be good if you put it with water." And they were like, "Alright." So they put the water in the coke and they make a little coke thing. And legend has it that they, uh, accidently put soda water (the carbonated water) with the thing and gave it a customer and the customer was like, "Woah, this stuff is off the hook." Except, they probably didn't say 'off the hook' because they didn't say 'off the hook' back in 1880-whatever. Anyway. Then they're like, "We've got this cool new drink on our hands and... we should sell it." And this guy named Frank something-something, not Frank Lloyd Wright but Frank Mcow--I don't know something with Frank. He drew this little Coca-Cola logo, that you all know so well, with his own handwriting. He said he called it Coca-Cola because it has like two C's and that makes it really cool. They kinda skimmed over the fact that it used to have cocaine-- I don't know, maybe-maybe that's an urban legend because they don't actually mention the fact that the coca comes from the cocaine or whatever. Maybe there actually was no cocaine, it's all a big joke. But he liked the alliteration I guess and so they started selling it and then, yeah, it was a big hit. And, then, there was a thing with the bottles. These guys were like, "Hey let's put it in bottles..." The guy was like, "That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard. Here you can do it for like a $1." He sold the rights for bottling for, like, a $1 and then bottling was a hit. So that means people are stupid. And then they had the bottles and the bottles were all imitated with all these other different types of thousands of sodas. Then they invented the contour bottle that you all know so well and they patented that. And later there were cans, probably... And, uh, they had--Oh and there was coke. Oh, right. And, so like, in 19-something or other there was this whole big deal that people were calling Coca-Cola Coke and, so, they, uh, they had this little sprite, this little fiary dude who was like, "I'm called Coke. I embody the spirit and refreshingness that is Coca-Cola." [Ed comment: Continued in comments because it's TOO FREAKING LONG]”