A Novel in 300 parts, give or take. Jasfoup the demon uncovers a zombie problem in Laverstone. What do you do when RentoKill refuse to get involved? Dust off your saber, that's what.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

What do you expect from a search engine, anyway?

A beautiful morning today, the woods crisp with the scent of wet leaves and sunshine through the trees. On my walk through the more public areas I was struck by the incongruous site of a short plank on the ground. The open Horse Chestnut cases gave it away – some young scallywag conkering too early. He must have quickly realised – as would have been obvious to anyone with a modicum of sense – that they are both unripe and too small as yet for the ancient game of conkers.

I picked a few of the discarded ones up. Despite their state of ripeness – or lack thereof – they have the most marvelous colour. Almost chestnut, in fact.

I answered the summons to reap Harold by traveling first to the throne room and seeking an interview with the Great Demon himself. A mere level five demon such as myself would never ordinarily be allowed within the palace, let alone be granted an audience, but as the companion of his son, I was ushered right in.

Now, much as Lucifer would like to see his lad a bit more, ripping him from the mortal plane would make for a petulant lieutenant and he was all too willing to sign a chit for me to prevent the reaping of his son. He did, however, recognize the validity of the bill and gave me a piece of software to reap a random soul on Harold’s behalf.* It was with a cheerful heart** that I returned to the mortal realm to tell Harold the good news.

After I’d got some mileage from it, of course.

*The next person to search for ‘demonic sex’ using altavista***

** I have a whole cupboard full. ‘Cheerful heart’ ‘vengeful heart’ ‘sorrowful heart’ and so on.