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Thursday, July 7, 2011

Biopsy, Surgery And The Big C

I should have titled this "My perfectly good reason for posting only twice in June". Back in January, I alluded to something that's going on that I can't talk about yet. Well, that something was a lump on the right side of my neck. It has always been there. It was kinda like my own version of an Adam's apple. Only, I'm female and I shouldn't have one. It never bothered me until sometime in November when it started hurting like nobody's business. After much procrastination, I finally went in to have it checked.

Several questions and an examination later, the doctor immediately ordered a battery of tests. He also said words that nobody, particularly, a 36 year old single mother of a special needs child ever want to hear. Tumor. Biopsy. Malignant. Cancer.

My first thought was my son. Who would take care of him? What would happen to him if I die? I prayed cried so hard. My second thought was my mom. She had already lost two daughters. It would kill her to lose the only one she has left. I kept telling God that I'm not afraid of dying but I'm afraid for who I am leaving behind.

I eventually calmed down enough to remember that a few days before my appointment, I kept hearing Psalm 118:17 in my mind. I clung on to that promise. I kept on repeating it to myself. I also had a group of women from our church praying for me and believing with me.

At this point, I'd like to apologize for not sharing this as it was happening. A surprising but most welcome result of this blog is the relationships I've formed with some of you. It wasn't a reflection on those relationships that I withheld this information. I just wasn't ready to write about it then.

Obviously, this is not the end. I will finish the story on Monday. Until then...