A blonde, all-american, mid-western raised with some Southern belle flair, ordained reverend strives to change the world in a timely, organized manner, while wearing some fabulous shoes and still maintaining a social life...

Friday, March 17, 2006

Inexperienced Men...and all the others that still need help

So I stole this from someone else's post - but WTF - I think its great :)For all you clueless men - and tips for you on women...1. Whatever you do, don't just show up at their house...they run around in their underwear just like we do.2. DON'T CHEAT ON THEM. It may seem foolproof, but girls tell each other everything about everything. Trust me, they WILL find out and you will be mud.3. Beware of every single male relative and all guy friends. Any of them would kick your ass at the drop of a hat, and a lot of them wouldn't even wait for the damn hat.4. NEVER miss an opportunity to tell them they're beautiful.5. DON'T refuse to kiss in front of your friends. If they laugh at you, it's because they're jealous.6. If they slap you hard, you deserved it.7. Don't be afraid to touch them if you want to. If they're going out with you in the first place, it's because they like being in your arms.8. If you don't sleep with them, DO NOT tell your friends that you did.8 1/2. If you DO sleep with them, DO NOT tell your friends that you did.9. You can be dirty minded in private, really...most of them are not offended by it, and some enjoy it too - just do it in private...10. Not all of them eat like birds, a lot of them can eat like whales.10 1/2. If they do eat like birds - it doesn't mean they're on a diet - and especially not for you...11. Most of them don't mind paying half of everything, but they do discuss these things with their friends. Realize that if you make your girlfriend pay half ALL the time, everyone will know about it and your friends will know you're a pussy..11 1/2. Do you honestly need all your money that much? Be a man, pay ALL the time!12. Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend- a stuffed animal, ONE OF HIS SWEATSHIRTS, and a really PRETTY RING. Even if it's not a serious relationship.13. Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can. If you're dropping her off, walk her to the door. If you aren't dropping her off, call to be sure she's home safely.14. If a guy is BOTHERING her, it is your right to beat the shit out of him. (Make sure not to confuse this with the men from #3)15. If you're talking to a female friend of yours, PULL YOUR girlfriend closer.16. NEVER, ever slap her, even if it's just in a joking way. Even if she swats you first, and says, "Oh, you're so dumb" or something, never make any gestures back.17. Go to a chick flick once in a while. She doesn't care whether you enjoy it or not, it just matters that you went.18. You're dead meat if you can't get along with their pets, parents, and best friends. Be prince charming to their friends, Mr. Polite to their parents, and make sure to be nice to their animals.19. Don't flirt with their moms...that's just freaky. Or their sisters - that's just bad.20. Don't be freaked out by PMS. It's not gross, and it really does make them feel like shit, so be understanding.21. If you don't like the way they drive, you do it.22. If you're officially dating, and you're introducing her to your friends, you'd better damn well introduce her as your girlfriend.23. Don't stress where you go for every date. They really only want to be with you - even if its in sweatpants on the couch.24. If they complain that something hurts, rub it for them without being asked.25. Girls are fragile. Even if you're play fighting/wrestling, be very gentle.26. Memorize their damn birthdays. You forget her birthday and you're basically screwed for life.27. Don't marinade the cologne, but smell good.28. Don't give her something stupid for her birthday or Christmas or Valentine's day. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it has to be meaningful - and you have to remember.29. If you think the relationship isn't going to last, DON'T WAIT to find out. It will only hurt her more if you draw it out. Honesty really is the best in this situation.30. After you've been dating for a while, realize that they really have started to trust you. When you have a girlfriend who truly trusts you, you have a lot more responsibility, privilege and control than you would think. Be careful with it, most guys would kill for that kind of power...but it can be lost in a nanosecond.

Who Is the Author?

Generally burning the candle at both ends - every day of my life. Ordained minister, serving a church I love, a new life in a (re)new(ed) city, missing friends & family from all over, keeping up with a social life, figuring out how a reverend and her fiance plan a wedding, all while trying to maintain some level of sanity! (This is a personal website and does not necessarily represent the views of the congregation or denomination I serve. It might, but its not official.)