Monster

Chapter 12: Patrol

I was waiting for Sam a few nights later by the old logging field so that we could run the night patrol together. The pack hadn’t found anything recently – no scent trail, no track marks – nothing that would indicate that the red-haired leech was around. And it was making us nervous. Hell, it was giving me a damn ulcer. Especially since we knew now that she was after Bella.

We were worried that she had figured out some way to get around us, so Sam ordered us to run double shifts to be safe. We were all exhausted though some grumbled more than others. Paul never let an opportunity go by without reminding me of how much the pack was suffering because of my “little girlfriend.”

But I had no complaints just then. It was a beautiful night. The skies were clear – a rarity here in La Push – no cloud cover to be seen, just millions of stars painting the night sky. A warm breeze was blowing in from the coast, carrying with it the briny tang of the ocean mixed with the fresh green smell of budding trees and flowering shrubs. It was the heady scent of spring after a long hard winter and I couldn’t breathe in enough of the fresh smell.

I was in wolf form already, which meant that I could hear Embry and Jared’s thoughts running in the back of my head as they finished running the evening patrol. Sam was there too. I felt him phase a few minutes ago – his thoughts suddenly added to the mix – as he left Emily’s house to come meet me.

Embry and Jared gave Sam a brief status report on their 3-hr patrol shift – basically no news - which was both a good and a bad thing. Then I felt them phase out as they reached home, until it was just me and Sam left. Sam still hadn’t arrived at the logging field yet, so I stretched lazily and flopped back down on the grass with a sigh.

“That was a big sigh there…” Sam’s deep baritone echoed in my head. It wasn’t the deep deep baritone of his Alpha voice, but it was imposing nonetheless.

“Long day,” I replied briefly, springing to my feet even though he hadn’t showed up yet. “So how do we want to split –“

“-I was thinking that we should run together for at least part of tonight.”

“Together? But that’s inefficient!” I protested. “We’ll only cover half the ground that we could cover!”

“We’ve been all over the rez and La Push the past few days. We haven’t found anything. We can take it easy on occasion, Jake. We don’t want to burn out.” Sam replied calmly. “Plus, I want to talk to you.”

Uh-oh. That did not sound good.

“It’s nothing bad,” Sam continued, answering my unconscious thoughts. “I just think we should talk. It’s been a month since you joined the pack.”

“Okay. And?”

“Well … uh …I was wondering…” Sam stumbled over his words – which was weird – Sam was always self-assured and confident and he was never at a loss for words. He cleared his throat before continuing. “How have you been feeling?”

“Umm, let’s see, I’m a werewolf. So life pretty much sucks. How are you?”

“Jake…”

“Okay, okay, sorry. Things have been fine. I have no complaints. Other than the whole werewolf thing. Why?” I perked up my ears suddenly, more alert now. “This is about the Bella thing, right? Look, Sam, I already told you. I’m sorry. I know-“

Sam arrived in the clearing just then. His shadow, cast long by the bright full moon, was grotesquely huge. But I started in shock when I realized that my shadow was equally large. I watched as Sam approached me in wolf form and I examined him critically – taking in his size and height - before looking down at myself in confusion. I must have grown another inch or so in the past few weeks, because I could swear that I was exactly the same size as Sam now.

“It’s a wolf thing,” Sam quipped with a smile as he sat down next to where I was standing on the grassy knoll. Though since he was in wolf form, his smile looked more like a half grimace half snarl. “It speeds up the growth process. Most of the guys grow to their full adult height within a month or so of transforming.”

“Good to know,” I said as I plopped down comfortably next to him. It looked like this might take a while.

“Look, Jake. I can’t pretend that I’m happy about what you did with Bella.” Sam raised his paw as I began to protest. “I don’t think you made the right decision, because you’ve put her in greater danger of getting hurt.”

“Danger?” I protested hotly. “Now that she knows that someone out there is going to protect her from the leeches?”

“Jacob.” Sam said my name slowly. I looked away. I knew what he meant, but I didn’t want to think about the fact that I was now the danger in Bella’s life. I was the person most likely to cause her harm. Not Victoria. I could protect her against Victoria. But I couldn’t protect her against myself.

I sighed. “I know. But I think I can do it. I won’t be a danger to her. I can control the rage.”

“I thought I could control the rage too,” Sam replied. We sat there in silence for a few moments. I stared numbly at my paws, unsure of what to say or to think. I knew how much Sam loved Emily. And I also knew what he had done to her in a moment of rage.

“It’s not just that,” Sam interrupted my thoughts tersely. “Though that was bad enough.” He winced and closed his eyes as we both relived that terrible memory as it flashed through his mind. He shook his head slightly to clear it away and composed himself. “I’ve caused her a tremendous amount of pain in another way too, just by falling in love with her …”

“Uh, what are you talking about?”

“Well, Emily and Leah were best friends. And you know that Leah and I …” Sam’s thoughts trailed off awkwardly.

That’s right. Leah Clearwater and Sam used to be hot and heavy for years. I had almost forgotten about that. Sam and Emily were just so head-over-heels for each other that even though I had seen Leah and Sam together for years, it was hard to remember that he had ever been with anyone but Emily.

“Great. So I get to have the awkward conversation,” Sam joked lightly. “It’s like the sex talk. I can understand why no parent ever wants to do it. It’s so damn awkward.”

“Uh, I got the memo on that one already, so …”

“Just joking,” Sam said with a small smile. “Imprinting is a serious matter though. Imprinting is about finding your mate.”

“Finding my mate?” I repeated unsteadily. I didn’t know what I was expecting Sam to tell me – I was hoping that it was going to be about some secret werewolf superpower or something - but it was definitely not that.

“Finding your soul mate, if you will. You ‘imprint’ on your soul mate the first time that you see her after you complete the werewolf transformation.”

“Imprint on my soul mate?” I looked at Sam as I stupidly repeated after him. I had no idea what the heck he was talking about, but if he was gonna get all Dr. Phil on me, I was out of there.

“Yes, imprint. It helps us identify our perfect mate, the person who will best help us pass on the werewolf gene. Billy also thinks it helps us produce stronger werewolves in the next generation.”

“Werewolf Darwinism,” I said slowly, hardly able to believe what I was hearing. “This is a joke, right?”

“No, Jake, it’s not,” Sam replied softly. I felt myself being enveloped into one of his memories again. I guess Sam figured that he’d cut to the chase and would just show me instead of trying to tell me. I watched as Sam walked into Leah’s house and saw Emily for the first time after having transformed. Because I was in his memory, I could feel the rush that flooded through his veins at the sight of her. It was the opposite of the red hazy rage that fired us up and allowed us to phase. This was a calming peaceful rush of tender emotion and absolute joy that made every part of my body from my scalp to my fingertips to my toes tingle with excitement. I watched Sam in his memory stand there stupidly staring at Emily, until Leah walked in and brought him back to reality. I looked up at Sam quickly then and he nodded. And I realized that he really wasn’t joking.

“So that’s why, you and Leah …”

“Yeah,” Sam said with a heavy sigh. “I broke Leah’s heart. And I ruined her and Emily’s friendship. They still barely talk. Emily was obviously not interested in me at first, but I was able to convince her … otherwise.” Sam gave a small smile as he said that. “It was a lot easier once she knew about the werewolf thing. But she still hasn’t forgiven herself for what this did to Leah. I can’t forgive myself either. Because after I imprinted, I had to break every promise that I ever made to Leah … and I still loved her. It was just a different kind of love now.”

“And there was nothing you could do about it?” I asked point-blank, my head still reeling from the new information.

“Nothing. It’s part of being a werewolf.”

I was beginning to hate hearing that. It seemed like being a werewolf was taking over a larger part of my life every single day. I was disappearing piece by piece before my own eyes. Suddenly, something else registered in what Sam said.

“Wait! You said that things were easier after Emily knew. So you understand why I had to tell Bella, right? You understand why I didn’t have a choice?”

“She’s not your imprint, Jacob.” Seeing the confusion and disbelief in my eyes, Sam continued. “I was there. The first time that you saw her again after becoming a werewolf. In the meadow that day when we killed the leech with the dreads? You didn’t imprint. We would have felt it – in your thoughts.” I was still staring at him open-mouthed in shock as he went on, “That’s why I didn’t want you to tell her. Because one day, when you do imprint, you’ll be forced to leave her. And I didn’t want you go through what I went through with Leah. Hurting the person you once promised to love.”

“Are you sure?” I sputtered when I finally found my voice. “I mean, how do you know I didn’t imprint? Maybe it feels different for everyone.”

“We know. Trust me. I was there when Jared saw Kim for the first time. It’s the same sensation that you felt in my memory. And I know you didn’t feel it that day. I was watching specifically to see if it would happen because ... er … Billy mentioned that the two of you were close so I was curious.”

I was stunned. I tried to sort through my hazy memory of that day in the meadow. I remembered my overwhelming fear that the leech would kill her. I remembered almost crashing into a tree when I tried to disobey Sam’s Alpha order so that I could reach her in time. I remembered marveling at seeing her face again after so long. I remembered the heady sense of relief that I felt when she got home safely. But I didn’t remember the rush of tender wondrous emotion that I had seen in Sam’s memory. And I didn’t know what it meant.

“It means that even though you may think you love her now, she’s not the one for you.” Sam prodded gently. “There’s no easy way to say it, but that’s the truth.”

“I don’t believe it. How can this … stupid werewolf gene … dictate something as important as this? As if I don’t know my own mind? I know how I feel about her!”

“It’s for the best, Jake. As hard as it to believe that right now, it really is for the best.”

“I’m sure Leah feels that way,” I snapped without thinking. I saw Sam wince and I shut my eyes, angry that I had let my emotions get away from me. “I’m sorry about that. That was uncool.”

“It’s okay, I understand. It’s understandably … frustrating … to have your free will taken away from you. To know that you won’t have a choice in something so important. That’s why I didn’t want you to tell Bella. It’ll be ten times worse when you imprint on someone else after you’ve been together for a long time. Trust me, I know. You’re better off breaking things off now.”

“Well luckily, Bella and I aren’t together,” I muttered with a wry smile. It was like the fates were conspiring to keep us apart. Cliched as that sounded, it felt true right about now.

“What do you mean?”

“You know, we’re not ‘together together.’ We’re just friends.”

“Oh,” Sam said softly, his eyes puzzled and wary.

“Wait, you should know that. I mean, you guys can see my thoughts and everything. You should know that we haven’t … er … kissed or anything like that.”

“Well, yes,” Sam continued uncomfortably. I could see him squirming on the inside. He wasn’t kidding when he meant that this was going to be an awkward conversation. “I didn’t mean to pry but I couldn’t help overhearing some stuff. But that doesn’t mean that one day-”

“Trust me. I’m hoping that one day she’ll change her mind about us-”

“- but maybe it’s better if she doesn’t. Do you really want to do that to her? Leave her after you imprint? Breaking every promise and vow that you've made to her?”

I stared up at him suddenly. What he was saying was finally sinking through. Basically, despite my best efforts and intentions, imprinting meant that I would one day leave her. Just like he left her. And maybe it wouldn’t hurt her as much as it did when he left, but it would hurt her nonetheless. And it would be worse if we actually officially got together and our relationship deepened. Sh*t man. What the heck was I going to do?

“ Just think about it Jacob. That’s all I’m saying,”

I sighed deeply as I tilted my head up to stare aimlessly at the stars. Millions of stars out there. Millions of people out there. And the werewolf crap had to happen to me. We sat in the field in silence for a while companionably. My mind was racing with a million different thoughts. I doubted that Sam could have even followed all of them even if he had wanted to listen in. My brain was a jumbled mess of emotions – fear, anger, despair.

“Has there ever been a case where a wolf didn’t imprint?” I had to ask. I couldn’t help holding out hope.

“I don’t know,” Sam replied honestly. “It may have, but the legends don’t tell of any exceptions. And it happened with me and Jared. Though, technically, Paul hasn’t imprinted yet, but then again, it’s Paul…”

I snorted. I had better be there when Paul imprinted. God knows I needed some laughter in my future.

“But it could happen, right? I mean, I’m not like other wolves. Maybe I’m different …”

“About that,” Sam said. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about. You know how I’m the Alpha of the pack?” I nodded as he continued. “That happened because I was the oldest wolf. The first one to turn. But technically, you should be Alpha.”

“Wh-at? What are you talking about?” I picked my head up in alarm. I didn’t know if I could take any more crazy news tonight.

“Your great-grandfather, Ephraim Black, was the last Alpha, the last Chief of the tribe. That means that you are the next Alpha by birth.”

“Me?” I sputtered in shock. My head swam with the responsibilities of being Alpha. Strategizing and coordinately constantly. Always on guard. Ultimately responsible for both the pack and the tribe. I didn’t want that. There was no way I could handle that.

“Yes, you. So I’m willing to step down if you want to assume the Alpha role-“

“-No, no way!” I cut him off immediately. Sam was born for this job. I couldn’t imagine anyone better for the role. I felt bad now for all the terrible things I said about him before I knew the truth. “Really, Sam. No. I …uh … appreciate you offering to do that. But no, you’re the Alpha. And you’re the best man for the Alpha. I just couldn’t.”

“Well, just think about it, okay?” Sam said quietly. He knew that I could hear the tiny sense of relief running through his unconsciousness right now, but I didn’t mention it. “This is all still new to you right now, but you may change your mind one day. For now, how about you act as the pack’s Beta? We’re getting large enough that it makes sense for there to be two wolves in charge.”

“Umm, sure, I guess.”

“Okay, so we’re good, right? Everything is good?” Sam asked. Seeing that he was waiting for a response, I nodded mutely. “Okay, we better get started running patrol. Don’t want the others to think that we’re slacking off now that we’re part of management.”

Sam chuckled weakly at his own lame joke. He got up onto all fours and shook himself to get rid of some of the grass and leaves that had gotten tangled In his fur.

“Yeah, yeah,” I agreed mindlessly as I got up to my feet to follow Sam into the woods. We ran silently for a few minutes, just getting our heart rate up and our muscles loose. “About the imprinting thing ….”

“Yes?”

“There’s no way around it?”

“As far as I know, all wolves imprint at some point.”

“ALL wolves?”

“All wolves.”

“Right.”

And with that, we stopped talking about it. After all, what more was there to say?

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