But Seriously, Katie: Lenore Skenazy

Katie, first of all, let us just say that, contrary to all sorts of published reports, we love you and do NOT want you to change.

The press keeps talking about us giving you an "extreme makeover," as if we thought that someone as, well, female as you couldn't anchor the big-time, he-man nightly news.

By Lenore Skenazy

ITEM: Couric's blond highlights have been subtly taken a shade or two darker, and those distracting bangs are gone. Makeup is minimal and she's ditched her favorite black eyeliner and shiny lip gloss. Tiffany Network officials (also) admitted yesterday that an airbrushed photo making the bubbly broadcaster appear several dress sizes smaller appeared in its promotional magazine, "Watch!" ) -- New York Daily News, Aug. 30

Katie, first of all, let us just say that, contrary to all sorts of published reports, we love you and do NOT want you to change.

The press keeps talking about us giving you an "extreme makeover," as if we thought that someone as, well, female as you couldn't anchor the big-time, he-man nightly news. Nonsense! Now is your time to shine by just being YOU: pretty and charming -- and serious and stern -- and blond but a little more brunette-ish and, most importantly, plump but skinny. (I hope you didn't mind our photoshopping you down to a size 2. We did it out of the utmost respect for you as a slightly tubby news gatherer who should lay off the Kit-Kats. And believe us: If Dan Rather had looked like that in a skirt, we'd have told him the same thing.)

The media seem to be making a big deal out of the fact that we have asked you to get rid of your lip gloss, eyeliner and personality. It's just that those aren't guy things, and now you're a guy. That is, you're in a guy's job. That is -- you're in a job that, for some reason, was only DONE by guys for the past half century. Go figure. And it's weird not to have a guy there anymore. But it would be even weirder to have a guy with lip gloss. So ditch it.

At the same time, of course we'd like you to stay at least as attractive as you were at NBC. We didn't hire Rosie O'Donnell, right? So just think of yourself as a little bit date bait, a little bit Cronkite. Simple. And sometimes, maybe, if you could accidentally roll your pencil off your desk -- the front of your desk, we mean, so you'd have to come around to pick it up and viewers could see your legs -- well, let's just say we wouldn't be averse to seeing that.

We want you to be human, after all. And humans drop pencils off their desks all the time (the FRONT of their desks). So you're just the girl next door who drops pencils and grills world leaders and cuts down on the late-night snacking.

In other words -- and I think we're being very clear on this -- we ask nothing more of you than we would ask of any woman who is replacing a man but who is still a woman, but can't be quite as ) much of a woman as she was before, because when women are totally women they're too female for us to take, even though we still want them to be female enough to love, and male enough to respect, but not too male or too female, or too little of either, either.

Right? So relax and smile!

Just not with your whole mouth anymore, OK? And BE YOURSELF!

Lenore Skenazy is a columnist at The New York Daily News
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