Getting pregnant is looked at as some kind of sport, a contest of sorts, in our society. Fertility is the badge of honor a woman gets to wear once she’s holding a positive pregnancy test in her hand. If you don’t conceive within the first three months of trying, sorry about your luck — no badge for you.

Once you hit the one-year mark and you’re still not pregnant, your destiny is often far worse than going badge-less. You’re labeled infertile. That’s right, you finally get a badge with a scarlet “I.”

While my husband and I never received an infertility diagnosis, we struggled to conceive. Following years of unpredictable cycles and an “if it’s meant to be” mentality, we finally sought the advice of a fertility specialist. With a little help, I was fortunate to get pregnant quickly.

As I navigated the physical and unexpected emotional journey to conceive, I found that those in similar situations tend to retreat to an infertility closet. After reading countless stories shared by brave men and women on BabyCenter and other forums, I realized how important it is to come out of the closet, both to encourage others and to continue to shed light on an important issue that people who don’t struggle to conceive often remain blissfully unaware of.

Through the process of trying to conceive, I discovered that I didn’t want to win a contest — I just wanted the opportunity to become a parent. And through the process of becoming a parent, I strengthened and developed some virtues that I’m pretty sure will come in handy during the next 18-plus years.

Self-acceptance —While trying to conceive, the feeling that my body was working against me was difficult to overcome. I found myself drawing up extensive war plans to wage attack on stubborn body parts. Then I began to explore the mind-body connection and discovered the tranquility and positive change which occurred when I stopped looking at my ovaries as enemies and learned to love myself unconditionally, stubborn body parts and all.

Perspective — Many women (and perhaps men as well) trying to get pregnant appear to go at it with razor sharp focus. As a result, it seems they often end up isolating themselves from other interests and even friends or family. I too debated dropping everything in my quest to have a baby. Then I thought better. I pulled out my calendar and instead of marking cycle days, I began to schedule family trips, activities with friends and additional work projects. I didn’t stop trying to have a baby; I just rearranged the to-do list to accommodate everday life.

Gratitude — My experiences during the journey to become a parent have changed me forever. I’m wiser, stronger, more empathetic and most importantly — I am profoundly grateful. While I feel blessed to share the good news of the birth of my child, my heart continues to ache for those who struggle with infertility or other related diagnoses, six million men and women who often feel isolated and discouraged. I honor you. I’m sending hope and strength your way.

Tasha C. Ring is a lifelong Midwesterner in her early 30s whose many titles include educator, small business owner and most recently, mama. She and her husband live happily (most of the time) in their project ridden house with their two greatest gifts — their beloved senior pug and spirited baby girl.

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4 Responses to What I learned while trying to get pregnant

snisays:

July 19, 2014 at 6:55 pm

Thank you for writing this! It was very encouraging for me. It’s been almost a year for us, and we still haven’t gotten pregnant, but we understand a bit more what is going on (after visiting a fertility doctor) and realize that the ingredient missing is patience. Slowly, I have learned to nurture things like gratitude for what I so have (a lovely daughter and wonderful life) and how to enjoy the journey more than resent it. I believe it will happen; it will just take longer than I expected. And if it doesn’t happen, well … the important thing is that we have fun and enjoyed our life along the way. But I agree with you, the pressure to get the result quick is there. After 3 months I got the comments, “If we were you, we would have been pregnant by now!” “What’s wrong?” It made me start thinking about where did that pressure come from? Who said I have to have quick results? Almost everything in life takes time; why do we think this process the exception?

umm e ammarsays:

July 19, 2014 at 9:04 pm

Thanx for your lively article but its kinda hrd to go thru such a phase. Im a mother of a lively 4 yr boy and its going to be a year since im TTC . I have been diagnosed with anovultion. Have been taking mdicines for three mnths now but i have strted to “feel the pressure”. And its not easy at all. :'(

I can’t express how much I appreciate this article! Most information I can find is all about the nuts and bolts of fertility and ovulation. Your well written thoughts and feelings about the mental side of the equation and other effects of unsuccessfully trying to get pregnant are spot on. Thank you for sharing your story.

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