Sunday, April 29, 2012

Phillips has teamed up with some clever designers to create a Food Allergen Detector that can tell you if the meal you just ordered has any unwanted allergens in it.

It seems like this is becoming more and more commonplace. All the peanut allergies for one are staggering. What have we done to ourselves that our children's throats will close over if they even get a momentary whiff of peanuts? It didn't used to be that way, but I guess these aggressive food allergies are here to stay.

The lengths people will go to just to make sure they're protected against these deadly foreign agents is pretty wild. Short of tattoos and high maintenance restaurant ordering procedures, I guess a food allergen detector might be a nifty little device.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

TheKe$ha parody video above perfectly encapsulates what's happening in the music industry right now. Artists that can't sing, like Ke$ha, don't turn away from their lack of talent, but steer directly into it and exploit it with the use of auto tune and something called "sing talking."

Nicki Minaj is guilty of this as well.

The real shame of it? Even artists with massive talent have been using this technique. M.I.A. has been sing talking for years. Is it just a trend? Will it hang around? Probably. I guess we should just get used to it.

Monday, April 23, 2012

The simple bartender is a lost and dying breed. This endangered species is being pushed out by a hipster trend that finally needs to stop.

First, came the "mixologist." This was born out of a need for new and interesting drink specialties. Mixed drink patrons became bored with the simple martini or high ball. They wanted something more sophisticated. They wanted to drink Cosmopolitans and feel hip and the mixologist was all too happy to oblige.

Fair enough. Then came the "bar chef." Yes, BAR CHEF. This is what they call themselves. I don't just make drinks, I prepare and assemble them like a four star chef. In other words: ME ME ME ME ME!

This flight of fancy attempts to obscure the fact that what you really are, is a bartender. So, what's the problem? Who cares?

Well, here's the problem. Hipster bar chefs, mixologists and drink specialists do something that no bartender should ever do. EVER. They make themselves the most important person in the room. This is a big no no in my book.

The bartender is a service position. You are there to serve, be attentive to our needs and otherwise be invisible until you are needed again. The customer is the most important person, not you and your macerated blackberry-tini.

I don't want to hear about the latest batch of whiskey stones you imported from Belgium. In fact, no one wants to hear about your imported whiskey stones. We don't care that they keep whiskey cold without diluting it.

Don't get me wrong. You can make all the frou-frou drinks you want. People seem to love them. Just be a bartender. Make our drinks quickly and quietly and then go away.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

I'm gonna file this one under.. "don't blame the messenger." A Chinese company called Topoint Medical Models, Inc. is selling a vinyl sex toy in the shape of a cocker spaniel. The category on the website says, Sports & Recreation, Entertainment, Pet Supplies. The weird thing is, this company sells medical models for use in training nurses, doctors, etc. They offer eighteen separate items only one of which is labeled Dog Sex Toy.

I love things like this, but probably not for the reason you think!

If you've ever taken a walk down the aisle of your local sex shop, you will find a large myriad of toys, devices and implements. For each person, there is a different thing that crosses over the line.

For some, it's the inflatable sheep. For others, it's the adult-sized diaper and baby bottle.
There is always a strange fetish or sexual obsession that skeezes us out.

Doggie sex dolls definitely fall into that category.

Is it the removable doggie vajayjay? Is it the blank, wided eyed stare in the in the dog's face? Probably all that and more.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

If you're like me, you wonder who comes up with this stuff. I imagine it's some fat, trailer trash family filling out suggestion cards and sending them into Pizza Hut.

Of course, that would be silly. No, the truth is, the hot dog stuffed crust pizza that Pizza Hut is currently offering to residents of Great Britain was probably the result of hundreds of hours of focus groups and testing. All of their best people labored endlessly to arrive at the same the conclusion they knew before they started. The average consumer's taste is in their ass.

Before you complain that this culinary abomination is not available in your town, just wait. I have every confidence this pizza will be offered on Pizza Hut's website very soon. If not, they are missing out on a large quadrant of the crap consuming world.

And if you just HAVE to have this thing, you can make one on your own. I've even provided some DIY pictures to get you started. And, yes, you should be ashamed of yourself...

Ted Nugent is in the news again for shooting off his mouth. His latest rant was a veiled threat against President Obama.

He said to a group at an NRA event, in part -- "I'll tell you this right now: If Barack Obama becomes the president in November, I will either be dead or in jail by this time next year..."

Dead or jail why? Because you shot the president with your big bow and arrow?

Such threats are against the law, but Nugent will hide behind the Justice Department's manual for federal prosecutors that states his comments do not constitute a threat if "a reasonable person would interpret them as mere political hyperbole, idle talk, or jest."

So, that's that.

More ridiculous is the fact that Nugent is even considered a voice worthy of lending his endorsement. This is a guy that was 30 years old and started dating an underage girl named Pele Massa. To get around the illegality, he had her parents sign over guardianship to him. Creeeeepy.

Some endorsement. Maybe, he's just misunderstood. Maybe we need to look deeper into his psyche to find out what's in there. Maybe there's a nugget of level headed wisdom we can uncover that will put all of this to rest.

Spoiler alert. I wouldn't hold your breath.

About Hillary Clinton: "You probably can't use the term 'toxic cunt' in your magazine, but that's what she is. Her very existence insults the spirit of individualism in this country. This bitch is nothing but a two-bit whore for Fidel Castro." - Westword Newspaper , Denver, Colorado, July 27, 1994

“I am Rosa Parks with a Gibson guitar.”

“My being there (South Africa) isn’t going to affect any political structure. Besides, apartheid isn’t that cut-and-dry. All men are not created equal.” — Detroit Free Press Magazine, July 15, 1990

“The war is coming to the streets of America and if you are not keeping and bearing and practicing with your arms then you will be helpless and you will be the victim of evil.”

“I have busted more hippies’ noses than all the narcs in the free world.”

“Mr. Janet Reno? I think Mr. Janet Reno… I think he’s one of the best hunting dogs in the world.” — to National Review in 2002.

“(Palin’s) on her way to being a good leader. She’s coming from the street, she’s coming from the we-the-people rank-and-file. She makes sense when she talks, she says all the right things, she’s sincere, she’s knowledgeable , she’s articulate, she’s damn good-looking, plus she kills moose. How can you go wrong?” — on Anderson Cooper in 2011

“What is this, Planet of the Apes or CNN?,” on Eliot Spitzer asking Alec Baldwin if he had political ambitions

“I don’t think they’re capable of either of those thoughts, you Limey a–hole. They’re only interested in three things: the best place to eat, having sex, and how quickly they can run away. Much like the French.” — To a British journalist who asked him if he thought hunted deer see him as friend or foe.

“And in my mind, I’m going why can’t I just shoot this [Hate Krishna] guy in the spine right now; shoot him in the spine, explain the facts of life to him. — WRIF-FM, Detroit, Ted Nugent as guest D.J., Sept. 28, 1990

“Obama, he’s a piece of sh-t, and I told him to suck on my machine gun … Hey Hillary, you might want to ride one of these into the sunset, you worthless b—t … Any questions? Freeeeeeeeeeeedom!!!!!” — on stage in 2007

"We should put razor wire around our borders and give the finger to any piece of shit who wants to come here." - Westword Newspaper , Denver, Colorado, July 27, 1994

"... Yeah they love me (in Japan) - they're still assholes. These people they don't know what life is. I don't have a following, they need me; they don't like me they need me ... Foreigners are assholes; foreigners are scum; I don't like 'em; I don't want 'em in this country; I don't want 'em selling me doughnuts; I don't want 'em pumping my gas; I don't want 'em downwind of my life-OK? So anyhow-and I'm dead serious ..." - WRIF-FM, Detroit, Ted Nugent as guest D.J., November 19, 1992

He claims that 30 days before his draft board physical, he stopped all forms of personal hygiene. The last 10 days, he ingested nothing but Vienna sausages and Pepsi; and a week before his physical, he stopped using bathrooms altogether, virtually living inside pants caked with his own excrement, stained by his urine. That spectacle won Nugent a deferment, he says. "... but if I would have gone over there, I'd have been killed, or I'd have killed, or I'd killed all the hippies in the foxholes...I would have killed everybody." - Detroit Free Press Magazine , July 15, 1990

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

I was talking to some friends the other night and they told me something I found pretty amazing. There is a large community of wild parrots flying around Los Angeles County. The how's and why's of this are up for discussion.

Some ornithologists believe the explosion of trees in what used to be a desert landscape has helped to nurture this explosion of tropical birds in the city. Bird from the Amazon have stopped, nested and decided to stay.

Others believe humans are responsible. Owners of parrots and exotic birds have simply let them go after growing tired of caring for them. I've even heard tales of exotic bird stores catching fire and the birds being set free to save their lives. Now, decades later, keen watchers will routinely see swarms of green parrots, yellow chevroned parrots and numerous others, cackling in the trees.

I'm not a bird watcher or a particularly big fan of birds. Urban cities have to deal with pigeons. They are, for all intents and purposes, flying rats. We also have large and extremely loquacious crows. They gather in trees and cackle of what seems like hours. Both of those birds are largely considered nuisances by the public.

This parrot community does, however, make you stop and look. You are so surprised to see such vibrant colors on feral birds. It's not something you can put your finger on. It comes from inside of you. It's as if something completely outside your programmed world has interrupted the broadcast and forced you to pay attention.

Monday, April 16, 2012

I'm not really a fan of bobbleheads, in general, but I have to admit I was intrigued when I heard that thebobblehead.com website has been selling a John Wilkes Booth bobblehead for $19.95. They market it as "The most controversial bobblehead in history."

It's been making a bit of a name for itself lately. News stories are surfacing about the bobbleheads being pulled off the shelves in Gettysburg and other places. It's surely in bad taste, but the most controversial? I dunno.

I want to say I'm offended, but I guess I'm not. It's pure marketing. It almost insures that people will buy both the Lincoln bobblehead AND the Booth bobblehead. After all, they're kind of a set.

For myself, the only bobblehead I've ever owned is of the American punk rock singer-songwriter G.G. Allin. Allin was probably the most disgusting individual in punk history. He routinely defecated on stage and threw it on his adoring fans. He engaged in fist fights with audience members and made numerous declarations that he would take his own life during one of his concerts.

He never got the chance. A drug overdose took him down before he could pull it off.

Of course, there are plenty of bobbleheads out there that people might find offensive. You just have to open your eyes and look.

Maybe I'm not the one to judge whether or not a John Wilkes Booth bobblehead is offensive, but it certainly says something about the world we live in. Everything can become a product.