The Olympics should be no place for ethics

Friday 27 January 2012 12:02 BST

Will Britain win a gold medal for the most ethical Olympics ever? That is as likely as Boris Johnson being reincarnated as Coroebus, the naked runner and first Olympic champion in 776 BC. An ethical Olympics must be a contender for oxymoron of the year.

I have to confess I didn't realise the Mayor had an "ethics tsar" until she resigned this week in high dudgeon. Meredith Alexander quit over the controversial contract awarded to American chemical company Dow, that allows it to sponsor a "wrap" around the stadium in a deal worth £7 million. An indignant Ms Alexander claims the organisers are acting as apologists for Dow, which owns the company responsible for the Bhopal disaster in India which killed 25,000 people in 1984. Dow bought the company responsible, Union Carbide, in 2001, long after the disaster, but does that make it morally responsible for 25,000 deaths? True, it is still involved in litigation about clearing up the site but to hold it accountable for past crimes is like blaming the sins of the father on the son.

The Olympics is a huge waste of public money so I'm not sure we can afford to be so picky about sponsors. We have to recoup the expenditure somehow. What about other Olympic corporate sponsors such as McDonald's and Coca-Cola? Are they totally beyond reproach? Certainly not.

Cocaine used to be the active ingredient in the Coca-Cola recipe, which is a tad ironic given the fuss Olympic officials make about dope testing.What is so ethical about a man running 100 metres as fast as he can anyway? It's just entertainment, and pretty pointless at that. So what if Usain Bolt sprints a fraction of a second faster than someone else. It doesn't make him nobler or more godlike, or more fit to run for public office. It just makes him quicker on his feet.

Sport and ethics are like chalk and cheese. Athletes have always used performance-enhancing drugs and will continue to do so if they can get away with it. Which sporting hero hasn't been doped up? It is a distinguished roll call: Maradona, Ben Johnson, Shane Warne, Linford Christie.

No sport is free of the taint of drugs or corruption. Fifa has been riven by bribery scandals, cricket is awash with allegations of match fixing and football is full of tax-free bungs.

Any attempt to put our sportsmen on a superior moral podium is ill-advised and a hostage to fortune. If Boris has any more ethics tsars hiding away he should ask them to quietly step aside before they bring more contumely on his head. If we must have the Olympics let them be fun, not fettered with high-minded ethical considerations.

Emily's a woman for Today

Let's hear it for the ladies. Culture minister Ed Vaizey has compared the Today programme to a clichéd locker room and condemned its macho atmosphere which he says is fuelled by "unbearable" amounts of testosterone. You could say the same about the Cabinet, which is overwhelmingly male, but he has a point. I have always believed Radio 4 is the only place where intelligent women of a certain age without a facelift can get airtime. In other words, unlike BBC TV, it is largely devoid of ageism. There's Jenni Murray, Kate Adie, Sheila Dillon, Martha Kearney, Sue MacGregor, Libby Purves and Kirsty Young. But there has always been one exception to this rule - Today. Apart from Sarah Montague, it is completely male-dominated.

Today should change its tune. Throw Emily Maitlis into the locker room and see the boys scarper.

Bullingdon bad boys are bullying Mick

Sir Mick Jagger pulled out of attending a party in Davos after accusing David Cameron of treating him like "a political football". Poor Mick. Those Bullingdon bovver boys have no manners. Boris Johnson also treats the Rolling Stones singer like a cultural football in his latest book, Johnson's Life of London, comparing him unfavourably to Keith Richards, who is a far superior musician, according to Bozza. "Since a young age I have believed Keef was the man," writes the Mayor in an extraordinary paean to the guitarist.

To make matters worse, Boris says Keef "is at least the intellectual equivalent of Mick" (despite the fact that Keef, unlike Mick, failed his 11-plus) and that he deserves a knighthood. Sir Mick would be well advised to give all Tories a wide berth in future. And if ever Keef is offered a knighthood, Sir Mick can always join the Labour Party.

A sound idea for eating out

I celebrated Chinese New Year this week at the Pearl Liang restaurant in Paddington. The Year of the Dragon signals good fortune and prosperity but does it signal a lot of noise as well? The hubbub in the restaurant was at times overwhelming and made a meal out of our conversation. Perhaps all restaurants should have an acoustical index guide. Just as there is a campaign to make menus carry a calorie count, so too restaurants should be given marks for ambient noise as well. Acoustics are as important as the food, and studies have shown that sound can alter your perception of taste. The louder the noise, the more bland the food seems. Which can't be good value for money. It's high time loud restaurants turned down the volume.