A brunch made for indigestion

Easter Sunday brunch doesn’t usually include a menu of expletives and a small-claims lawsuit for dessert, but not much was typical last week when the Kirsch family dined.

Bob Kirsch of Paxton, the owner of Kirsch Liquors, had made an 11:30 a.m. reservation at Uncle Jay’s Twisted Fork in Cherry Valley. The well-regarded bistro, run by Jay Powell of Oxford, seats 54 and prides itself on fresh, locally grown dishes.

Before we delve into the food fight, allow me to highlight the only thing the disgruntled diner and restaurant owner agree upon: Neither had ever been treated so badly.

“It was the worst dining experience I’ve had in 71 years,” said Kirsch.

“I’ve been in this business for 30 years, and I have never seen a display like that,” said Powell.

We’ll begin with Kirsch’s account. The family had made a reservation for 20, but three people couldn’t show up. At the buffet, Kirsch sampled the prime rib but pronounced it “shoe leather.” The kitchen ran out of plates and they had to re-use old ones. Then the kitchen ran out of cakes and pies, and they had to settle for cookies.

The price of the buffet was $32 for adults, $15 for kids under 12, and free for kids under 5. Seniors were offered a $5 discount. When the check came, Kirsch was charged for the three people who didn’t show up. Two of the kids were under 5, but the waitress charged for them. And none of the seniors got a discount, even though six diners were over 65.

“She asked to see all the senior citizen IDs,” Kirsch said “We were being carded.” Three of the seniors without IDs didn’t get the discount. When the waitress added an automatic gratuity of 18 percent, a heated argument broke out. The policy wasn’t stated on the online menu, but was on the menu at the restaurant.

“My son-in-law has a bit of a short fuse,” Kirsch acknowledged, saying that he and Powell began swearing at each other. He said Powell threatened to call the police and charge them with trespassing, even though he hadn’t asked them to leave.

“I thought it was going to come to blows,” Kirsch said. “So I manned up and paid the bill. When I got outside, I was so mad at myself. So I called the Leicester police and explained that we were charged for meals we didn’t eat.”

Powell agrees with virtually none of Kirsch’s account. For starters, Powell claimed that the Kirsches were told in advance they’d be charged for 20 buffets regardless of how many people showed up (Kirsch denied this). Kirsch also denied the way Powell characterized his party.

“It was an onslaught,” Powell said. “They ran to the buffet line and literally bumped people out of the way.” He said one of the women used a spoon to pick all the lobster from the seafood Newburg; Kirsch’s brother returned 10 times to the carving station and ate only the eye of the prime rib, throwing the rest away; and the Kirsches “decimated” the dessert table, insisting that his mother cut from whole display cakes.

“I told my staff to be quiet and let it go,” said Powell, alleging the party also imbibed liberally of Bloody Marys and Mimosas. “When the argument began, Kirsch went off the deep end. You wouldn’t believe the language ... He insisted that one of his grandchildren was under 5? The kid was 5 feet tall.”

Both parties claimed that the police officer sided with them, although the narrative indicates that the officer told them it was a civil matter. On Friday, Kirsch paid $100 to file a claim in small claims court, alleging he’s owed $222.54.

“I don’t need the money; it’s the principle,” Kirsch said.

Powell has a different explanation.

“They threw an adult temper tantrum because they were called on their bad behavior,” he said. “A customer is always right — but until what point?”