A mom shares lessons learned as she juggles her family and career….

A problem as old as time, yet one that continues to exist, and if anything has only gotten more powerful – thanks in part to social media, parental ignorance, and a generation of entitlement.

If you are a parent whose child has been the victim of bullying then you I am sure can relate to the pain, the anger, the frustration, and the overwhelming sense of disgust you feel towards those offenders (other children) who can act so deplorable to your own child – and often with little to no “significant” consequences. My son was the victim of several bullying issues this past school year and even as I write this I waver between emotions of sadness for my child who has suffered and outright anger towards these children AND their parents. My son is a good kid, yeah he’s a little goofy and at times socially awkward thanks in part to his struggles with ADD. But, as all kids do, he just wants to fit in with his peers. Unfortunately in his attempts to fit in, his efforts, though benign, often illicit the opposite effect and have made him a target for others to make fun of and bully him. And sadly, he has suffered in silence, not wanting to make waves or speak up.

To the schools credit, when the first issue came to light they handled it swiftly and satisfactorily. When the second issue came out they were on top of that HOWEVER, as the parent of a child who has been bullied, this issue is so much more than the school handling the other kids (the most popular kids in class by the way) administratively. As a parent I want justice for my child that supersedes a “slap on the wrist or a stern talking to.” Quite frankly I want a letter of apology to my child from both the offender AND the parents. I want their to be an understanding, a precedent put out there, that if one’s child is going to bully my child in any way, that I have the right to pursue legal action against not only the child BUT the parents as well. This attitude that kids will be kids is bullshit. We are raising a generation of kids who feel entitled and have no concept that actions have actual consequences. Kids have no problem bullying others because a mere slap on the wrist or a “talking to” bears little to no weight. How about detention, in-school suspension, out-of-school suspension or even having to go before the school board in the presence of the child they hurt and that child’s parents to offer up restitution? In our case for the first issue, where my child was being physically, verbally and emotionally bullied on the bus, the child was kicked off the bus and served several days in-school suspension. For the second incident, where three of the most popular kids in his grade were verbally bullying him but calling him “retarded,” telling him he must be autistic, calling him ugly – amongst other things, the school handled it administratively – whatever that means. In both cases however, none of these children were instructed to make any restitution to my child. None had to apologize, take ownership for their actions and actually acknowledge that their actions had consequences on another human being. To me this is where the system is flawed and offers no justice, no comfort, no support to the victim of bullying. These kids received their punishments but yet my son got no justice from the standpoint that the punishments lacked in ownership.

So who do I blame?

While the school did their best, could they have done better – quite possibly…. The irony is that I am not allowed to know exactly how the school handled each situation and what lasting impact it may or may not have in that students record. I know that the one kid was kicked off the bus because he no longer was on it for the rest of the year, and that that same kid got in-school suspension because my son saw him in that room. However due to privacy restrictions, the school wasn’t allowed to tell me this. As for the other incident, I was only allowed to know that the school would be handling it administratively and that the parents would be notified. Kind of laughable that I am not privy to the punishment though my child is the victim. This is a policy that I feel strongly should change. At best, I should have the right to know specifically how exactly the school planned to handle each situation.

As for the parents of these offenders I can only hope you handled your child in a manner that ends this despicable behavior. However, I can tell you where you fell short in your parenting skills. When you were notified of your child’s actions, you as the ones who are supposed to be guiding and imparting good moral values within your child, should have made your child take ownership of his actions apologize to mine. If nothing else it was the right thing to do. Your child could have done this on the phone, in person (in school in front of the principal and my child) or even written a letter to my child. The very fact that these offenders never have to face the kids they bully in this type of forum is the exact reason that the punishments will never bear weight. There is a lack of remorse for the actions perpetrated, and a disconnect that exists between the actions and the consequences. These kids are under the assumption that they got away with something, that they can be outright cruel to another person and only get “a talking to.” This is a huge problem….

While I realize the school can only do so much within their scope, as a parent it is my job to protect my child – and rest assure I will take this to any level necessary in my fight to end the bullying of my son. This school year ended before I could fully see how the second issue will ultimately impact my son on a longer term scale, but I am fully prepared to pursue legal action if it becomes necessary in the future. While I don’t know if I am entering uncharted territory, I will not rest until there is accountability – and if the offender is going to continue his/her bullying ways then I am going to have no choice but to pursue justice for my child. I have no problem holding the offender AND their parents accountable – and mark my words, I will do so, even if I have to break new ground to make it happen. I think it’s high time that parents have assume some degree of responsibility and accountability for the actions of their children.

If you are fortunate enough that your child is not being bullied, before you sigh in relief you need to ask yourself one key question: What kind of child am I raising? Because if your child is frequently mocking, laughing at, teasing, excluding, intimidating, or putting someone else down then NEWSFLASH, you’re raising a bully. There is no excuse for mean behavior towards another child. Yes, not everyone will get along and children will test boundaries with one another and hurt each other. However, we as parents have the ability when children are young and impressionable to teach them how to handle themselves socially and guide their behaviors in less than favorable social circumstances. We need to teach our children that certain behaviors are not tolerated and we need to hold our children accountable when they do misbehave and hurt someone else, whether with their words or actions. To do nothing is to stick your head in the sand and perpetuate the bullying epidemic. To do nothing, is to say nothing and promote ignorance.

If you see something, say something. It’s time to end bullying….

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jenniferpeck23

I am a mom to three awesome kids. They are my pride and joy, even when they manage to push my sanity to and often over the proverbial edge. They are my greatest achievements and I love watching them grow and come into their own selves. While I am married, ours is a blended family which is not without its challenges and stressors. It's that whole yours, mine and ours concept... A few years ago I went back to work full-time as a nurse. I love what I do, and I would like to think that after all this time I am very good at my job. Connecting with people at their most vulnerable and helping them heal, brings me a sense of purpose and gives meaning to what I do.
I secretly have always had a passion for writing. When I started this blog I did so as a way to be able to express myself through my words; and hopefully inspire others through my life experiences as both a mom and a nurse. To be able to adequately convey just the right amount of my life experience, mixed with a little bit of humor, some impassioned views, some heartfelt emotion, and of course lessons learned, and in turn inspire others would be an awesome experience and privilege.
Making sense out of chaos, finding silence amongst the noise, and locating solace during turmoil....its my blog that I am hoping will be my beacon and offer me light on my path.

2 thoughts on “The Bullying Epidemic”

Jennifer, I applaud you for your transparency and honesty. I understand your frustrations as I have had the same thing happen to my son, who’s diagnosed with ADHD. It is very tough and frustrating to see your child going through these situations. I want to keep my kids in a bubble and shield them from all of life’s pain, but I can’t. I have to teach them how to handle the mean things people say and do. Teach them how to not behave in the same manner as others. Schools can only do so much. It really is the responsibility of parents to train your children how to be respectful, empathetic, and just plain old nice. Treat others how you want to be treated, not how you have been treated. The law doesn’t want you to spank your child. I think that’s what’s wrong with a lot of kids today…not be properly disciplined. Not abuse. I’d like to think we can talk and they straighten up, but sometimes they need that tap on the butt. They tell you don’t spank, but then the law is quick to lock them up later for not obeying. Which way do they want it? The Bible says spare the rod, spoil the child. And that is still true and relevant today. I’m thankful for your post today. Let’s get the conversation going with our kids and ask if they are getting bullied and make sure they aren’t the ones doing the bullying.

This is all so frustrating. My sister went through the same crap, I think I commented on another post about it.

I have a lot of friends worried that their kids aren’t walking on time, or saying enough words. But the thing I’ve always wanted the most is for my kid to be a good and kind one. He is only 18 months right now, and my greatest wish for him is just to be a good person. I don’t care if he makes a lot of money or even goes to college (of course I’d like him to) but being a good kind person is more important than anything. I hope I’m helping him to become that. But if somewhere I mess up and he picks on anyone for anything, I will never turn a blind eye to it, that is for damn sure.

I hope your son is having a good summer and that things are very different when he returns to school in the fall.