One, two, three… I steal a glance at the people with whom I’m about to sing.

One couple* grieving their inability to bear children. Right behind them, a family beams as they bounce a newborn on their shoulder. *Names and stories changed to protect privacy.

Two, two, three… One of the men who helps cut the grass will begin extensive chemotherapy for aggressive cancer this week. Across the aisle, a woman and her husband are praising God that the biopsy came back benign.

Three, two, three… His 8th birthday party was yesterday, complete with candy-stuffed piñata, behind him are my children, who buried their 8-year-old sister two years ago.

Four, two, three… I’ve been defeated so many times in my fight to overcome the inner demons, sin cravings that won’t die, and this week was no exception. Self-condemnation swirls as I fight to concentrate on the music in front of me. Should I even be standing up here? I am a hypocrite for daring to stand before God and everyone and sing. Do they think I’ve got it all right? Some days I don’t want God’s way… I want my way. What was I thinking, volunteering to help this way? They didn’t tell me that worship team is really “Hypocrisy 101.”

No matter how small, any group will look like this — pains and joys from every point on the spectrum of life, from profound suffering to willful selfish choices to unspeakable happiness to sin-slavery.

It is a mistake to assume that everyone is in the same place. Yet, all too often, our worship services do just that – assume that everyone is joyful, contemplative, triumphant, or spiritually mature. Worship leaders insist on ecstatic faces, raised or clapping hands, cheering, singing triumphant songs really loud. (I’ve actually heard leaders scold their congregations for not singing loud enough.) But this excludes those who can’t sing joy and triumph, who are desperate and hurting.

However, despite my last three posts (How You Can Stop Lying In Church, How Happy Songs Hurt, and Without Lament We Lie About God) calling for us to include lament in our worship, it would be a mistake to only lament. Doing so also excludes people from worship — those who are rejoicing. We need three-dimensional worship, a way to worship God together that honors our various places in our spiritual journeys and gives us a way out of hypocrisy and fakery (not that we can keep people from choosing on their own to fake it).

I’ve been privileged to help in song services by playing keyboard and by singing. I’ve also jostled a fussy baby, wrestled a toddler who sees pews as an obstacle course to be challenged, soothed a discontent daughter in a wheelchair, and shushed the bickering of school-aged kids in the pews, all while trying to find just one minute to truly worship. Having been in both places, I have some suggestions for planning and leading services that allow everyone in a group to genuinely worship God, no matter what is happening in their lives.

1. Select a variety of songs, readings, and prayers each time you gather.

Be careful to include confession, lament, praise, and thanks so that no matter where a person is, they find something that fits. They may not be able to sing every thing that day, but your goal should be to try to find one thing that fits each place on the spectrum.

I like to plan worship services around specific themes. We had lists of songs everyone knew, and with each song the topics it touched on — grace, mercy, praise, prayer, sin, forgiveness, God’s power, God’s love, communion, resurrection, etc. We’d pick a theme for a service and select songs that fit the theme. It kept us from singing the same ten songs over and over, and as a distracted mom in the crowd, made it easier for me to follow.

2. Be what you are and give people permission to be what they are, whether that is rejoicing, grieving, angry, confused, numb, broken, struggling, or anything in between.

Your congregation needs to hear you specifically, clearly, and repeatedly give them permission to hurt. Don’t hide your own struggles. In an opening prayer, you could confess that your heart is hard and you need God’s help to love and worship him that day. Don’t be shy about sharing guidance for participating when life is a struggle (see #3, in this post). Teach by example and with words how to worship as broken people. Remind them that God accepts us where we are, and that we can bring our praise and our groaning to Him.

What do you think? How do you try to reach everyone, no matter where they are, and bring them into a place where they can worship God?

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9 Comments

Melissa
on May 25, 2011 at 9:50 am

I think your tips are spot on! One of the most important things is that songs are chosen prayerfully, not because they are popular on Christian radio or upbeat. I love singing on the worship team at my church, partially because we are free to worship in whatever place we are in that day. Some days that means I put my microphone down because the tears are falling, other times I am clapping when no one else is.

Very interesting, Joy! My current church seems to have a good understanding of this, encouraging us to come before God just as we are. I don’t think many churches are as intentional in reaching everyone. I was home a couple of weekends ago and went to my old church. It was jarring to me, how staged it seemed and one-dimensional. I felt like it was a show, instead of an invitation to worship. But maybe that was a reflection of where I was at and their inability to bring me into the fold.

Marcia
on May 25, 2011 at 11:38 am

Amen! We as congregations of worshipers need to release ourselves and others from the expectations of group worship. We need to remove our masks, not only before God but before one another. We need to get past our discomfort at seeing someone weep, kneel in humility, raise hands, or clap with joy in worship. We need to release ourselves to worship unashamed before the throne of God!

Sharman
on May 25, 2011 at 12:11 pm

Very nicely said, Joy. I think we should challenge your readers to take these ideas to their worship leaders. Those of us who have been there, so to speak, need to share these ideas to help establish the type of worship that is sorely missing in almost all of the churches I”ve attended. That would be well-rounded worship. Thanks again for speaking up about this!

I sent this to a number of worship leaders I know. You do such a great job of cutting through the B.S. of religion and hitting on the core issues of church. How do we get to Jesus? It’s so interesting how many worship leaders completely agree with you. I have had this conversation countless times. Most of them are artists who really understand pain and choosing to worship in the midst of that. They are frustrated by their pastor constantly telling them to “Pep it up! It’s too somber!” Pastors are very often the ones who pressure them to “keep it upbeat and happy”. They are pressured by comments of people in the congregation, who just want to feel good on a Sunday morning. Life is hard enough. I don’t want to think of that stuff. Just give me “5 Steps to Feeling Motivated at Work”, and I can take that home. What ever you do, don’t challenge me or make me feel anything.

It is a fact that the happier the happier and lighter the music and the gathering, the happier and bigger the congregation. The happier the music, the bigger the collection. Which is why my church is broke. But, though we pastors want to say we are not influenced by the bottom line, most of us are. There are many times, as we have struggled financially, that this is a temptation for me. I have been crying, talking to my wife about, “Should we just compromise and make it happy?” She has never let me cave. Because of that, our people are authentic and real. They can easily access Jesus. I wouldn’t trade that for any amount of financial security.

I like how you’ve said we need to be what we are and allow others to be what they are. So many times in Christian circles I feel like I’m supposed to be apologetic for my husband’s brain damage not being healed. It feels like we’re “responsible” for everyone else’s faith or lack of faith…

I totally agree with you- It’s the worst when I show up at a church and everything is happy go-lucky and I feel like my heart is being carved up with a spoon and I’m angry. Not a whole lot to work with.