All foodstuffs are to be removed from shelves and will only be available under the counter, following revelations that salt can cause high blood pressure and sugar may have devastating impacts on teeth. Street sellers, of course, are already subject to bans and searches for promoting an unhealthy lifestyle.

Pregnancy magazines are to be withdrawn amid fears they may promote underage sexual activity, and 'lifestyle magazines' promoting cars or sports are also facing the axe as children may be encouraged to engage in hazardous activities like running, jumping or having fun outside.

Hilary Dour, from the pressure group 'Action Against Anything At All' said, "we welcome the Government's action on the harmful nature of life. The terrifying truth is, you have a 100% chance of contracting death when you engage in life. This statistic is horrifying and unacceptable, and cannot be allowed to continue. Won't someone please think of the children?"

Mizz Dour said there was no truth in the suggestion that if you ban something or reduce its public availability, it's just likely to become more popular with kids because its perceived naughtiness will be increased.

She added, "We will continue our campaign until all products and activities which could potentially be harmful are removed from children. Our next publicity drive is to ban air, because it contains potentially poisonous carbon dioxide!", at which point some nice gentlemen came to take her to a warm padded room while she railed wildly against the toxicity of Life.

A Government spokesman denied that there was a Home Office plan to fight back against the dangerous fatality of Life by banning it completely.

7 comments:

What i enjoy the most about the ban on life is that i can now feel safe knowing that i'm not going to die living. I'm going to dead already. Inside. And that is excellent. You can't lose out on something that doesn't exist. Whoop. Bring on the life ban!

To be honest @dungeekin, it's scary how things are suddenly changing. With activities that are seen to provide illicit activities why not be a little more traditional? Why not use education? Afterall, the difference between an adult and a child is that a child is seen too young to take accountability of their actions due to experience and education (and lack of at that age). An adult should be accountable and will be held accountable and take responsibility if there was time being spent on correcting the troubles with life as a priority. Like, harsher sentences for paedophiles, child killers and burglars. Taking stupidity away by not allowing criminals to sue against their victims.

If the government focused on the adults that do harm, educate the young correctly on their future and allowed people to lead their lives with wisdom and education as a guide, then they can stop this satirical and pathetic attempt to treat accountable adults like children!

MOUSEBENDER: Good Morning.WENSLEYDALE: Good morning, sir. Welcome to the National Cheese Emporium.MOUSEBENDER: Ah, thank you my good man.WENSLEYDALE: What can I do for you, sir?MOUSEBENDER: I want to buy some cheese.WENSLEYDALE:Can't sell you cheese sir..its against the law.MOUSEBENDER:The law?WENSLEYDALE:Yessir. Why even showing you an image of a piece of Liptauer would get me shut down.MOUSEBENDER:but you are a cheese shop?MOUSEBENDER:Yessir. we just can't show, display an image of or sell cheese.we are more of a virtual cheese shop. in that we have virtually no cheese. Can let you have some lentils if you like sir?

In a nutshell: All words and concepts herein are the copyrighted and intellectual property of the named, hosted author Dungeekin.

Except:Where attribution is explicitly given to another source and/or creator (for example another blog or website), or where words or concepts originate from an external commenter/commentator whereby the external commenter/commentator has sole domain over his/her words and concepts and may grant permissions exclusive to that of his/her ownership only.

Thank you.

p.s. This disclaimer was modelled on the disclaimer found on Brennig’s blog (http://brennigjones.com) and has been used entirely with his permission.