I need a place to rant and rave because I am cutting down and my nerves are frazzled on some days. I do not rant and rave to my family though. I will tell them that I am not feeling good, and they understand and then pretty much leave me alone. Such sweethearts .

Today I am feeling not so good. My quads are hurting, and my right hip. I shall go and get adjusted at the chiropractor today before heading out to the gym to do Chest and Biceps. I plan to just lift regularly, not supersetting like last week.

I don't know how much I can take of cooking for myself (not that oatmeal, stirfry with brown rice, and a seiten cubed in a salad, with hemp shakes in between is all that hard ) and then for the family. Yesterday I made calzones for the kids, two of them are off to marching band camp this week, and I had some leftover dough, so I made some cute designed rolls. There was one left last night as I was cleaning up the counters and doing dishes. I had just fixed a hemp shake and thought I was going to puke if I drank another one of those , but with the leftover roll it went down smoothly. I haven't had bread something for three weeks now. The light fluffy crumb and the crisp crust! It was divine!!! Yeah, right after that the guilt of what I had done set in! I walked around the subdivision a little faster to try and off set what a cheat I had done. I know in the back of my mind that it was probably something I needed to do to confuse my metabolism into thinking it was going to get the calories it wanted effortlessly with food (instead of working with my bodyfat to supply itself), BUT I have to be in control of my diet!!! Cravings are a luxury that is not allowed.

OK, the energy for this rant is gone now. I have to gather myself together and get going on with the day. Yesterday has passed, and now a new day has begun and I have done well so far! Bye.

Today is a drag your body thru the mud day so far. I got up early enough, the usual 7 AM, but I did not get going on my trail run till 8 AM! Luckily the sun was still behind clouds, but boy was it ever hot and humid still. I was drenched in sweat after a mile! I was on mile 4 when a bug flew into my mouth: gnat? It tickled my epiglottis that hangs down, and my gag reflex took over. I dry heaved twice before it was better. So I am sweating and bugs are flying over me, and now the sun is starting to come out! And I had to double back on this loop (after going 5 miles already) to make my 8 mile marker for today. Do I just cave in and go home? No!!!! I kicked my ass and proceeded to go the extra 3 miles again. I was bored because nobody was out on the trails at 10 AM (too hot), but I did it. I was rewarded with a loss of 3 lbs since Sunday! Drank two glasses of water and gain 1/2 lbs. back . To reward myself, I put 1/2 an apple in my oatmeal mass this morning! I may be losing weight too fast! So a little fruit, especially a cold season fruit with some nice pectin in it, won't hinder my diet? Maybe keep my metabolism from slowing down.

For days now I have been doing well. I have kept everything to a minimum with anxiety and have been able to handle things. I wonder how long this is going to last. Nah, I am not going to even worry by wondering. I am just going to enjoy this lull .