Monday, November 29, 2010

actual product description:"Large Christmas Inflatable featuring Noah's Ark and some of his animal freinds. This inflatables is about 7 feet 9 inches long. Overhead arch proclaims a familar message of Christmas ....."Joy to the World". The entry door to the ark opens and closes and reveals an animated lion and a bear. Proclaim a Biblical marvel this Christmas Season with this Noah's Ark Christmas Inflatable. A guaranteed hit for all children"

And lo, three wisemen came from the East, but didst drown in the Flood.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Let's kick this festival of holiday horrors off with my least favourite decoration ever.the kneeling santa.because nothing says "we believe in the real meaning of CHRISTmas (and you know anyone who has this chachky spells Christmas CHRISTMAS and refuses to write "x-mas" but instead writes "C-mas" even though C-Mas sounds like a sexually transmitted disease...but I digress) like having Santa present at the birth of Our Lord.Because Santa Claus came before Jesus was born.Hmm...something doesn't seem right about that.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

I love Christmas. So this year, as a gift to the internet (you're welcome.) I will post something remarkably wretched and festive every day during the season of Advent.

The religious, the secular, the wtf-ular, it'll all be slapped up on here to be adored and fondled by you, dear readers.

Now, here's the fun part, I WANT YOU TO HELP ME. If you manage to find some christmas kitsch anywhere on the internets, or even have some Christmas decoration from the bowels of hell take a picture and send it to me at fbooth2@uwo.ca and I'll post it here.

I really wish I could talk like an evangelical. I feel like I would be more assertive on the bus and stuff. "I waaas-a goinnnng-a to siiiit theeeeeere-a" or at the movie theater "can you-a pleeeeeeeeeeease-a gettta your foooot-a off-a my-a seeeeeee-aaat-a amenhallejuihahahahhhaapriaseGod-a" but luckily I cannot.

Anyway, this is the saddest display of the "power of god" I have ever seen.

Monday, November 22, 2010

I know I said I'd be too busy to blog for about a week,but this is a special circumstance.

Ladies and gentlemen.

I present to you.

Wait for it.

Justin Bieber's Christian Rock Song.Note the "COEXIST" symbols floating around him.Sweet precious baby mary magdalence I think I can hear Jesus coming back on His cloud of glory just to put an end to this.

You may now commence tying your noose. Remember to pick a high point to jump off of, or else it might not work. And that would just be embarassing.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

I'll be a little M.I.A for the next little while being that I've got projects and essays and exams coming out my pee-hole so the kitsch side of my life might have to take a back seat to the...you know....reality side. (I'm not impressed either) but anyway...I will try to update because i hate when blogs just go offline for forever and a day without any explination.

So be patient please! Plus there's a big announcement coming that should tide you sinners over.

but I feel as though there's something...how can I say this...weird about statues of saint michael, being that the devil is under his foot. You can't kiss the saint's feet without planting one on the devil...and in this font you're basically sticking your fingers in the devil's tears...

Ok then WHAT is the alternative because I certainly don't want to spend my eternity surrounded by people in sequinced togas having picnics with a bunch of cracker-jack white bread hill billies. I've spent enough time on earth doing that.And there is a looooooot of hippy free-love humpage going on in Heaven...

and wait....wait....hold the phone kids...Did I just...yes, children, at 3:16 in the video...that's the effing magic painter.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Now, I don't wanna get all theological on your asses, but if you buy this you're going straight to Hell.

It is the world's most expensive advent calender, at one million USD, within it are things like fancy-pants watches, fancy-pants TV's...25 of them which you open until the birth of our Lord and Saviour in a barn to a family afflicted with poverty and soon to lose everything they had by fleeing to a foreign country to save the life of their Child...you know what, it's a long story, just enjoy your new TV, because if life has taught me ANYTHING its that the only thing that can ease the suffering of human brokeness is posessing more things...Merry Christmas!

Saturday, November 6, 2010

The Lord God has informed me, by means of this video, that when I'm in Purgatory, instead of sitting on hot coals and the like, I will be forced to be a youth pastor for 20,000 years. It is a fate worse than death.

and a quick p.s. david might have danced for the Lord, but please note that that was under very special circumstances, namely not being a white person.

and another note: 2:20 into the video is the cruelest thing i've ever seen. the man in the front row most certainly won't be doing any Jesus leaning. He's about to kick someone in the "toof", and it probably won't be the devil.

Friday, November 5, 2010

for those who love the Infant Jesus (i'm looking at you Therese)it even glows in the dark for where the sun don't shine!buy it!For the saint who wants to be sexybuy it!And finally, for the scrupulous who loves to scrubwhich you can buy here.

There you have it! Now there is no reason for a crusty Christian! Recieve Communion on the tongue without any self-consciousness! Hold your arms open dramatically without pinning your pits down! Go ahead and hug your pew-neighbour during the peace even though he was CLEARLY holding out his hand, after all, you smell good now!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Welcome to Saint Kitsch

Welcome to Saint Kitsch, a place where we roll our eyes in veneration of all that is terrible in the world of Catholic Kitsch and culture, with a dash of protestant nonsense thrown in for good measure.

SHOW ME YOUR JUNK

I want to see your kitsch! If you have anything wonderfully awful and holy, please send it to fbooth2@uwo.ca with your name, and I'll post it on here!