Sometimes i actually feel like i am going mad. What happens is that if somebody usually my family and i get into a argument or i get really pissed of with them i start doing wired movements. Like as if i am doing a dance routine but possessed. Then i start acting out all the emotions and quotes that i have been linked throughout my mind whilst doing it. It feels like a expressive form of self harm as sometimes i on purpose fall over.

Yay i watched Almost Famous the other night and it was SOO good i freaking loved it. Also the boy is kinda cute in a nerdish way.

Anyway been way to busy at the moment. It seems like i am working from day to night full circle. When i relax it feels like i am still in a timetable and it is set time. Just craving for a lazy sunday i suppose.

Also i am costume assistant/helper in our annual musical and have to help the boys while they ermmm undress which is pretty entertaining ha.

Yer I just cried my eyes out at Bridge to Terabithiaita was so sad honest. But saying that it was beautiful to. Makes me want to live in the American countryside somewhere, but when i was younger.

Anyway i have had like the most horrendous weekend+Monday of my life since i had to finish and hand in ALL my art portfolio. It was pretty scary as i was up till 5 on sunday and 2 on monday and i could not stop feeling super nervous and getting panic rushes which really i cant explain. But it is over now i need to keep repeating to get this bizarre emotion away.

Topics at school i seem to hate a lot. Too much. Sometimes i wonder if i speak of negativity like it is my personality. I notice that when i talk to new people we just end up saying things that annoy us and other people. Not nice and i am bored of it. Also with nearly everybody at school. They are all nearly stupid

I heard one girl say in the corridor the other day " i was talking to my mum and i said if my dance career doesn't take of i will just have a baby"

I feel more then i want to. Buried in my layers deep away from everyone. Confused and absent. Out of control but still framed. Aggravated without a voice. Bitter in my mouth. Cold and lazy. Separated to face it plain. But not depressed. Just distant.

I watched Ghost World like in the winter break and don't know if you guys have seen it but well i thought it was magical. I love how Thora Birch was so deadpan funny and the indie twist it had on the comedy. The soundtrack at the end was great and me being such an emotional i nearly cried at the end. Its one of those few films that was stylish but with not much intention. Also the storyline gave me comfort on my loneliness of being weird.

Today my Art teacher who has just come back from having a baby came to look at the work i have been doing for my portfolio since october. I was really scared as i have been doing photography and i thought she would be like " yer but were is the art". But she loved it and i was so so happy because i thought she was going to hate it since she loves portraits and all. Normally i always get average reception from teachers and hardly ever put my hand up for anything really. It was finally nice for someone to understand and like my work a lot.

I hate how people are leaving oasis, it makes me sad how the group may get even smaller without them. I understand that if you wont to go then that is you'r option but oh well. I may be only young to Oasis but i already feel attached to everybody. Sometimes it is like the highlight of my day.

So here in england it has just turned 4 o clock and i am not tired at all. Listening to abba for some reason and whilst most people are intoxicated out of their minds i am well plain sober.

New years is always funny as you can almost feel everybody's heads coming up with those new years resolutions that will probably only end come mid feb. Must lose weight or don't get stressed and start a gym blah bah.

So here is my news years resolution

I want a Boyfriend

No correct that somebody who i can love but " agree's " with me. Thats all

It was nearly a week ago when me and my friend decided to go to this low key gig venue that is ever so popular with the "cool" kids from school. I knew a few of them briefly and one quite well and so we were nervous as we didn't know what to expect from everybody. I had always wanted to go to this venue which is called Fibbers and be there in the atmosphere moshing around having a very good time.