Dr Skagra asks: Ever seen a UFO? Convinced of life on other planets? Are you David Icke? Go into really graphic details about anal probes. Otherwise, just tell us of your UFO sightings: You know - how you once saw a helicopter, thought it was an alien invasion and soiled your trousers.

Boring but true.
Shrewsbury, a Sunday afternoon, sunny day with a few clouds.

In the sky, four objects, white, basically point light sources, one brighter than the rest, all stationary in the blue sky. Between them they formed a rhombus, two equilateral triangles, whatever. Didn't move.

Gradually, they faded until I could only see the brightest one. Then a cloud covered that. I saw them, my mum and stepdad saw them. I have no idea what they could have been, but would be interested to hear theories (ideally sensible ones, I'm not David Icke).

Things they weren't: - Iridium flares - those things move across the sky fast and don't appear in formation- airliners - ditto- helicopters. There's a helicopter training centre at Shawbury, but these things were so high as to be featureless. You can see the wings on an airliner when it's six miles above you, but these things were just points of light with no wings or other visible shape.

Things they might have been:- weather balloons. Odd that they should make a perfect two-equilateral-triangle rhombus in the sky, but not impossible. - er...- nope, I got nothing else.

Useless Fucking Original (post)
I dunno I take a break and come back to this shower of shit
(sittingduckAttention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 8 May 2014, 9:13,
1 reply)

This summer just past we had a group of aliens tour Australia
They claimed to be from England and said they were a cricket team but, when they tried to play you could tell they had never seen a cricket bat before and had absolutely no idea of the game. Clearly they had to be from outer space they had that little an understanding of cricket.

Abduction
Walking home from the pub one night Was pretty off my face! I got abducted by a craft! That came from outer space.

This ship shot down this beam of light It made me calm and placid It was so weird I thought my mate Had spiked my pint with acid.

But, no, I had got beamed aboard Some interstellar ship It made me so damn nervous that I almost did a shit.

The pilots of this craft came out Was quite to my surprise! Their head was large and round and bald With creepy lifeless eyes.

Their skin was cold and dry and grey, (My skin is somewhat pinker) And so they got an anal probe And stuffed it up my sphincter.

With telepathy, they did say "Human, know what pain is!" And so they got another probe And rammed it up my anus.

They had another probe, I said, "Hey lads, give it a miss!" They laughed and thrust it deep into My knackered orifice.

They passed around some whiskey That I had a massive hit from Because I had three anal probes Lodged right where I shit from.

That whiskey served it job quite well and dulled the pain as well It got me nice and drowsy And this place seemed less like hell.

I laughed a bit ‘cos I was drunk And my arse was well loaded. But then I went to have a sneeze My fucking arse exploded.

No matter what I ever eat I manage, like, to crap well I maimed those Martian rapists With my flying shitty shrapnel.

The ship was now quite damaged And the warning lights were strobing So whipping out my meaty cock I started my own probing.

I went to the boss alien said "Right now, mate, your DOOMED!" Removed the butt-probe from his eye And then I fucked the wound.

I shagged his ragged eyehole hard I wasn’t really thinking But looking back, was my first time of extra-terrestrial squinking.

The second alien had a probe Half sticking out its chest I pulled it out with violent force And, well, you guess the rest.

I looked at him right in the eye And screamed in abject rage With Martian blood as lubricant Shoved cock in his ribcage.

The third alien was all dead He was decapitated From my arse-launched anal probe So, neck stump I violated.

I was really cross by now I was carrying a big gripe Which seemed to wane as, screaming, I Ejaculated in his windpipe.

So, aliens from outer space Hear me, you're not deaf! You try to probe my arse again I'll fuck you all to death.
(SigourneysBeavertook off and nuked the entire site from orbit on, Thu 8 May 2014, 7:09,
12 replies)

Apparently a couple of hundred Nigerian kids have been abducted.
Any ideas?
(Fucking hell JeffI am not a robot, Wed 7 May 2014, 22:06,
6 replies)

when i was young, i was lying in bed looking at the storm and all of a sudden a bright orange dumb-bell shape appeared in the sky, almost the same shape and color as this (http://www.encoremedicalsystems.com/homegymsinc/Body-Solid-10-lbs-Vinyl-Dumbbell-in-Orange.php) for about a second. i watched for a while and the same shape appeared in almost the same place. weird that! never been able to explain it. not even like ball lightning.
(skullbuggeryuh huh! kissed a cow!, Wed 7 May 2014, 20:22,
3 replies)

Just to say
really enjoying all the stories so far, bless, you puny humans, *grabs more popcorn*

Late one night I witnessed exactly the reason why UFO watchers and conspiracy theorists are
unintellectual bellends driven by their own senseless none data and none proof. It was a BSKYB program on some awful 400+ channel and a like there was this guy lets call him - Jeremy Kyle Mk5 or JK5 and he had a group of keen UFO spotters spouting their usual shit about SHEEPLE not understanding. All very amusing. However, shit got serious when one group started saying how they had modified their DSLRs and their Christmas Cracker telescopes and had in our very own solar system witnessed ongoing spaceship battles, NASA WOULD NOT COMMENT SHEEPLE (or any other space agency). JK5 was suitably angry and the audience muttered their approval.
(d.r._and_quinchwhen will you be famous?, Wed 7 May 2014, 13:24,
6 replies)

One night, some years ago now, I was lying in a field in the middle of the countryside, stargazing.
To cut a long story short, I accidentally pissed in my own mouth.
(Muns, Wed 7 May 2014, 11:10,
1 reply)

*something darkly cynical and misanthropic but nonetheless very amusing*

My Daughter
No fucking idea which planet she thinks she is on. Bank of Dad, train ticket, late lunch (vegetarian), oyster, gig tickets, alcohol when she could be bothered to listen. Wait half an hour whilst she tries to get a photo with the band out the back, then wants food. Nothing is open!! Offered to sort her something when we get home, the look on her face.

Well fuck you lot, I'm off to Mars and you are welcome to the ungrateful bitch.

I live in the North East.
On Friday there was this big orangey-yellow glowy thing in the sky, then the next day it all went reassuringly grey again. Until this morning, when I met some family members in a cafe, and the mysterious globe of fire reappeared, causing an unfamiliar sensation of dampness under the armpits.

Fucked if I know what it was. Probably witchcraft. I'm reassured that it will be pissing it down again on Thursday.
(Davros' Granddada voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 6 May 2014, 21:21,
Reply)

Ha, the stories I could tell about anal probes! But sadly patient confidentiality means I can't.
You'll all just have to imagine your own probe stories to wank over.
(2 Can ChunderWord to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 6 May 2014, 18:35,
4 replies)

So this bloke in white said "YOU SHALL NOT PASS"
but Ben did this thing where he looked like he was rolling up a bogey and flicking it, and told him these weren't the droids he was looking for.
(username failed moderation, Tue 6 May 2014, 17:19,
2 replies)

There was that time at Glastonbury when my mate dropped acid and thought Darth Vader was following him

I won't eat octopus because I believe they are an intelligent alien species and one day they will
rise. true story, maybe Dr. Skagra can confirm.
(d.r._and_quinchwhen will you be famous?, Tue 6 May 2014, 10:05,
28 replies)