Share this:

I cannot believe that England are thinking of dropping Bell, Harmison, Monty, or Collingwood.

We all know whom to blame for this loss.

KP.

He of the, ugh, dumbslog millionaire, nickname.

Remember him going out for 97, ofcourse you do, because the moment he went out you said to yourself, he has lost the game for England, what a massive bell end (apparently this is an English penis joke, as the penis resembles the end of a bell, not Ian Bell, who is an actual penis).

His wicket, while trying to hit Sulieman Benn into the IPL, was so obviously the cause for England’s collapse on day 4, that it is hardly worth mentioning.

From that moment on, no intelligent cricket fan could have thought that England were going to win the game.

97; a massive failure.

While other English players were going out in more traditional ways, through fear and defensiveness, KP yet again snubbed the traditions of English cricket.

Who does he think he is?

When England lose they like to keep the spirit of their cricket alive, but going out on 97 while trying to bring your hundred up with a 12 is not in that spirit.

He should not only be dropped, but England’s top fencer, Richard Kruse, should take KP into Trafalgar square, and carve out that English tattoo infront of a crowd of drunken chavs.

Because that is more English than going out for 97.

Other things more English than going out for 97 include:

Bowling great line and length, almost never getting hit off the cut strip, and taking no wickets (RJ Sidebottom).

Failing in both innings of your debut as full time captain (AJ Strauss).

Earning money for nothing because you once held an important title. (MP Vaughan).

Being given the second most important job because you went to a toffy assed school (AN Cook).

Getting the love of the English public for the odd breathtaking performance and being a great drunkard (A Filntoff).

Starting off as the saviour before the whole of England slowly turns on you (MS Panesar).

All these things are good and proper English behaviour.

Top scoring, and saving your team from a terrible first innings score is not.

Shame on you KP, 200 years ago you would have been sent to Australia for this behaviour.

Share this:

Before the test series, had i written a test preview of this series, i would have said “England need something special from KP here, lead by example and all that shit”.

Well he gave them something special, a special load of crap.

For every trudging Strauss or Cook score, England need a little bit of magic from KP or Freddy to balance it out.

Why, because losing 5 wickets on the first day is good, if you have more than 300 runs on the board.

229 runs?

If India wrap up the tail quickly, England are going to be well short of a decent total.

They might not make 270.

Strauss and Cook are the base, they are both very good players of the new ball, Cook has problems with getting big scores, and Strauss has problems with his snooty attitude, but they do a very effective blunting job.

Strauss made his hundred at an acceptable rate for a man with his limitations.

Cook scored at a rate you would expect from him in the subbie.

But what were the others doing?

Bell 17 off 51.

KP 4 off 33.

And Freddy 18* off 64.

Me thinks a coach or strategy is in place here.

Hard to see what that is.

Bat so slowly that India are never out of the game, build a foundation that falls apart as we all sit by and twiddle thumbs, turn KP into a proper pom?

I am confused.

Ofcourse this could all be a cunning plan.

Lull India into a semi coma, and then attack with Prior and Swann.

But I don’t see it.

The one thing we have learnt from Dhoni as a captain, is that when he has the opposition playing defensive cricket, he has them where he wants them.