When IAC asked if we wanted to do a blog post for them, we jumped at the opportunity to share our thoughts, experiences, and feelings on recent events surrounding marriage equality; and how our future child was a part of it every step of the way.

On August 13, 2011, in our home state of NJ, we were joined in a beautiful Civil Union ceremony, followed by a reception with over 100 family and friends. To us, in our minds and to those in attendance, we were “married.” ’That will always be the date we celebrate as our anniversary. While we were very much appreciative that we lived in a state who provided same-sex couples with the same rights and privileges as married heterosexual couples, the moment we stepped foot over state lines, our Civil Union meant nothing in a legal sense, unless we were in a “friendly” state such as Massachusetts who would honor the recognition. Any time we went on a road trip to visit friends or on a family vacation, there was always the discussion around “Do we have all the documents packed?” referring of course to the legal documentation, such as living wills, to protect us in the event of a medical emergency. I can stay that it’s quite unnerving to have different rights as a couple and family depending on the state you are in.

In June 2013 when the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) was struck down, we were elated for our brothers and sisters who enjoyed marriage equality in their home state, and were now able to also do so at the federal level. But there was also a sense of sadness in that after nearly 10 years, we were still fighting the battle here in NJ. We’ve both always been a strong supporter of local and national organizations advocating for legislature in support of marriage equality. At this point, it wasn’t a matter of if, but when.

Although not yet legal in NJ, on October 7, 2013, we were married in NY when the state ruled that non-residents were allowed to do so. The scene in Town Hall was unreal. There were same sex couples from all over the country, different ages, some together for as long as 50 years! Two weeks later, on October 21, 2013, the day marriage equality finally came to NJ, along with eight other couples, we were married by the Mayor of Maplewood in a communal ceremony. At the time, we were just starting the adoption process, so moments like this now took on an entirely different meaning. As much as this was about legal protection and equality for us as a couple, it was also about setting an example for the child we would be raising in the future. We wanted them to be able to see their parents be a part of progress in our state and country. We also wanted them to see that although we were not a family yet, we were always doing things with them in mind. We wanted our child to know the security that their family, in every way, shape, and form, was equal to all others in the eyes of their state and federal government.

Whatever passion(s) our child has, we want them to know that although they are one person, their impact can be great. Just as with marriage equality, the adoption process can be a long and an emotionally challenging journey. But in the end, the result is life changing.

It’s not uncommon for TV shows to throw in a surprise twist for their season finale. The same could be said of the ABC hit comedy Modern Family a couple weeks ago. The episode brought the adoption storyline of Cam and Mitchell back to life as the two received notice from their adoption agency that a birthmother had selected them. It also turned out that she had gone into early labor that day. Cam and Mitchell work their way to the hospital on the other side of town, some comedy ensues, and the episode ends on a sour note for them when the birth-grandmother decides to raise the child at the last moment. The decision is devastating for the couple.

As an adoption agency ourselves, we thought we would take a closer look inside this episode’s adoption storyline to give people some further insight as to when and how often this kind of situation happens.

First, at the Independent Adoption Center we have the “Last Minute Hospital List”: a list of adoptive parents ready to be considered in cases where a birthmother decides on adoption while giving birth at the hospital. We send a counselor to the hospital along with the adoptive parents letters for the mother to read through and make her decision. We have even had cases where the birthmother wasn’t aware she was pregnant until she was going into labor. We’ve seen many cases where adoptive parents are notified the day of birth, but haven’t yet seen a situation involving such a close resemblance to a Mexican Soap Opera.

While there are incidences of a birthmother changing her mind at the hospital, this is actually pretty rare. Only about 2% of birthmother’s decide to parent after initially placing their child in an open adoption. Much of the counseling we provide to birthparents is geared towards helping them figure out the best choice for them and their baby. This helps keep to a minimum the chance of a last-minute change of heart, because those birthparents who have a desire to parent are pointed towards resources to help them do so.

We were glad to see the adoption storyline back on Modern Family for this season’s finale. Be sure to keep tuned to our blog for more insight into how adoption scenarios are portrayed on TV and in movies.

]]>http://www.adoptionhelp.org/blog/2012/adoption-in-the-media-modern-family-season-finale/feed/0IAC Sponsors OFC’s Night Out! in Support of LGBT Familieshttp://www.adoptionhelp.org/blog/2012/iac-sponsors-ofc%e2%80%99s-night-out-in-support-of-lgbt-families/
http://www.adoptionhelp.org/blog/2012/iac-sponsors-ofc%e2%80%99s-night-out-in-support-of-lgbt-families/#commentsTue, 10 Apr 2012 18:00:37 +0000http://www.adoptionhelp.org/blog/?p=1310The IAC is proud to be a part of this year’s Night Out! event hosted by Our Family Coalition. Our Family Coalition strives to promote equality for LGBT families through community involvement and educational programs.

Night Out! is an annual event celebrating the work of those involved with OFC. This year’s event takes place on Thursday, April 19 from 6-9pm at the Parc 55 Hotel in downtown San Francisco. Tickets are available for $125 and include cocktails & wine, a sit-down dinner, silent auction, and the comedian, Marga Gomez as MC.

As an LGBT friendly adoption agency that helps create culturally and ethnically diverse families, we do all we can to encourage the continued success OFC’s programs and events. Come join us in celebration of Our Family Coalition and their efforts to make the San Francisco Bay Area a supportive and fabulous community for LGBT parents and their children.

]]>http://www.adoptionhelp.org/blog/2012/iac-sponsors-ofc%e2%80%99s-night-out-in-support-of-lgbt-families/feed/0Adoption for Gay Couples Increaseshttp://www.adoptionhelp.org/blog/2011/adoption-for-gay-couples-increases/
http://www.adoptionhelp.org/blog/2011/adoption-for-gay-couples-increases/#commentsFri, 21 Oct 2011 21:01:04 +0000http://adoptionhelp.org/blog/?p=886The Associated Press quoted IAC Executive Director, Ann Wrixon, in an article released today. The story focuses on the increase in adoptions by gay male and lesbian families (http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-na-gay-adoption-20111021,0,4860124.story). According to census data analyzed by the Williams Institute at the UCLA School of Law, the number of adoptions by same sex couples tripled from 2000 to 2009.

The article highlights a recent research report released by the Evan B. Donaldson Institute (http://www.adoptioninstitute.org/index.php) finding that California, Texas, New York, and Massachusetts have the largest number of gay and lesbian family adoptions. It is important to note that California, Texas, and New York are also the most populous states, which may explain the larger number of adoptions in these states regardless of the sexual orientation of the adoptive parents. Florida is the fourth most populous state, but does not have a large number of gay or lesbian adoptions because of a 30-year ban on the practice that the courts overturned last year. The Evan B. Donaldson Institute report also found that 60% of the agencies they surveyed accept applications from gay male and lesbian families seeking to adopt.

]]>http://www.adoptionhelp.org/blog/2011/adoption-for-gay-couples-increases/feed/1HRC Ad Lists IAC and Other Adoption Professionals who Support LGBT Adoptionhttp://www.adoptionhelp.org/blog/2011/hrc-ad-lists-iac-and-other-adoption-professionals-who-support-lgbt-adoption/
http://www.adoptionhelp.org/blog/2011/hrc-ad-lists-iac-and-other-adoption-professionals-who-support-lgbt-adoption/#commentsFri, 15 Jul 2011 22:11:27 +0000http://adoptionhelp.org/blog/?p=446In the August 2011 issue of Adoptive Families Magazine the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) published an ad celebrating the adoption agencies and professionals across the country who establish policies that are inclusive of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) families. IAC is one of the agencies listed in the ad.

Bo and Tom built their family through both international and domestic adoption. They talk about both adoptions in the article. Their older son is from Guatemala, and their younger son was born in Texas. They highlight the open relationship they have with their youngest son’s birth mother.

In addition, they talk about their relationship, their work, and why marriage equality is so important to their family. Bo and Tom are both cheerleading coaches for Radford High School, and they explain how their jobs have prepared them for parenting by teaching them how to connect to young people. This is clearly a strong point for this couple as the Radford Cheerleaders just won their sixth consecutive state championship.

The article has beautiful photos of Bo and Tom and their sons. In addition, there is a photo gallery of additional photos taken during the photo shoot with the family.

]]>http://www.adoptionhelp.org/blog/2011/iacs-modern-family/feed/0Every Child Deserves a Family Bill Reintroduced: Prohibits Discrimination against LGBT Families in Adoption and Foster Carehttp://www.adoptionhelp.org/blog/2011/every-child-deserves-a-family-bill-reintroduced-prohibits-discrimination-against-lgbt-families-in-adoption-and-foster-care/
http://www.adoptionhelp.org/blog/2011/every-child-deserves-a-family-bill-reintroduced-prohibits-discrimination-against-lgbt-families-in-adoption-and-foster-care/#commentsTue, 03 May 2011 18:12:35 +0000http://adoptionhelp.org/blog/?p=394Rep. Pete Stark (D-CA) announced today the reintroduction of the “Every Child Deserves a Family Act.” The act would prohibit any organization that receives federal funding from discriminating against LGBT families in screening or placement of adoptive or foster children.

According to the Family Equality Council, “One in four children in this country is being raised by a single parent. Two million children are being raised in LGBT households. We all recognize there is no single type of family in America anymore. We must not allow anyone to place politics ahead of the best interests of children and exclude millions of potential parents because of who they are or whom they love.” (See: http://www.familyequality.org/site/PageServer?pagename=ECDF)

The Independent Adoption Center is one of the child welfare agencies listed on this page supporting the bill. IAC has never had any discriminatory policies regarding adoptive parents including, sexual orientation, gender identity, marital status, religion, race, or ethnic background.

According to a statement issued by Tom Mann, Board Chairman of Equality Arizona, “SB 1188 takes the focus off of what’s in the best interest of the child when adoption decisions should be made on a case-by-case basis, according to what’s in a child’s best interest. Each case is unique. . . The only consideration should be determining what’s in the best interest of the child.

There is considerable research showing children raised by lesbian or gay parents have the same or better outcomes than children raised by heterosexual parents. The IAC does not discriminate against adoptive parents based on sexual orientation, marital status, religion, race, or any other reason.

According to the Huffington Post, “The legislation, which was sponsored by Democratic Sen. David Koehler, would have amended the state’s recently passed civil unions law and allowed religious child welfare agencies to ‘decline an adoption or foster family home application’ to a couple in a civil union if ‘acceptance of that application would constitute a violation of the organization’s sincerely held religious beliefs.’” Read the full article posted on April 13, 2011 to the Huffington Post.

The IAC opposes any law that discriminates against potential adoptive parents for any reason, including sexual orientation, marital status, religion, and race.

For more on this topic read our posts on same sex adoption in Florida:

]]>http://www.adoptionhelp.org/blog/2011/illinois-senate-committee-rejects-bill-to-allow-adoption-discrimination-against-lgbt-families/feed/0Arkansas Ban on Same Sex Adoptions Ruled Unconstitutionalhttp://www.adoptionhelp.org/blog/2011/arkansas-ban-on-same-sex-adoptions-ruled-unconstitutional/
http://www.adoptionhelp.org/blog/2011/arkansas-ban-on-same-sex-adoptions-ruled-unconstitutional/#commentsFri, 08 Apr 2011 16:56:01 +0000http://adoptionhelp.org/blog/?p=381On April 7, 2011, the Arkansas Supreme Court upheld a lower court ruling that prohibiting unmarried co-habiting adults from fostering and adopting is unconstitutional. Arkansas voters passed the prohibition in November 2008, and its main aim was to stop adoptions by same sex couples.

According to the opinion written by Associate Justice Robert Brown, the law “directly and substantially burdens the privacy rights” of both opposite- sex and same-sex couples. Judge Brown further wrote, “The choice imposed on cohabiting sexual partners, whether heterosexual or homosexual, is dramatic. They must chose either to lead a life of private, sexual intimacy with a partner without the opportunity to adopt or foster children or forego sexual cohabitation and, thereby, attain eligibility to adopt or foster.” There are no further appeals for this lawsuit. The Arkansas Supreme Court is the final appeal for the state constitutional issues disputed in this case.

IAC applauds this ruling. IAC opposes all laws that discriminate against LGBT families in adoption. The organization also opposes other discriminatory policies in adoption, including discrimination against single parents, and couples who are not married.

For more on this topic read our posts on same sex adoption in Florida: