What is more important: Shalom
Bayit - harmony in the home - or mitzvah observance? Neither
I nor my wife were raised observant, but a few years ago I decided
that I wanted to become more observant. Our children, who have
always attended Jewish day school, also were in favor of this.
My wife was not altogether opposed to the idea, but wanted to
move very slowly. She has become more observant (i.e., keeping
Shabbat, stricter kosher) but is reluctant to change any more.

Unfortunately, I began moving too
quickly and problems soon arose. In the meantime 3 years have
passed and we have had some very difficult times; our marriage
nearly ended several times. My wife has asked me to back off
several times, but I find it difficult to "undo" certain
mitzvah observances once I have undertaken them (i.e., kippah,
tzitzit). Because of her unwillingness to conform with the rest
of the family, she now has a very strong resentment for Orthodox
Judaism, and believes it is "too demanding." When Yom
Tov approaches, especially like this year when we had two days
of Yom Tov followed immediately by Shabbat, she gets in a state
of depression. To keep our marriage together I feel that I have
to undo what I have done. This, however, presents a terrible
inner conflict because I do not wish to transgress Torah law.
We have been to counseling, but nothing has ever come out of
it. Also, I have told my wife that she is free to do whatever
she is comfortable with, and I will not think less of her. She
feels, though, that she has become an outcast in the family and
that she is the "bad guy" while I get to be the "good
guy" by observing the Torah along with our children. I love
my wife, but I also fear Hashem. What should I do? Thank You!

Dear [Name withheld],

From your question it sounds like
you're putting "Harmony in the home" on one side of
a scale, and "Torah observance" on the other side.
This is incorrect: Harmony in the Jewish home is itself
a fundamental pillar of Torah observance.

Therefore, you need to discuss each
issue - kippah, tzitzit, Yom Tov, etc.
- with a competent Halachic authority. Preferably someone with
whom you and your wife feel comfortable and open. May Hashem
grant you and your wife the strength to overcome your difficulties
and to approach the New Year with renewed commitment to each other
and to the Torah.