Mike Berardino of the Pioneer Press reports that Mike Pelfrey, who is on the comeback trail from Tommy John surgery, is down to 240 pounds from a previous 270, and that he’s doing it based on a lot of cardio. Imagine, then, what he’d be doing if he didn’t eat like this the night before he pitched:

Dinner the night before had been fried chicken strips with gravy from a Dairy Queen drive-thru … “I don’t really eat the best,” he said. “I think I find myself every night in Fort Myers going to eat something fried.”

After a night game Wednesday, March 13, Pelfrey tried to head out for a pasta dinner but was deterred by the long line. So he went down the road to DQ.

Get that: the healthy option — the one he planned — was dinner at what was either an Olive Garden or a Carraba’s. It was when only deterred by the hordes at the door that he rocked the DQ.

But you know what? Given portion sizes and how much butter and stuff those places use, I bet he was better off eating at DQ. Unless he was wise and got a big Blizzard because oh my god I love Blizzards.

Perhaps it is not the most advisable course of action for a mediocre talent to publicly declare his disdain for the most basic elements of conditioning. What is left for the team to say: “Sure, Pelf sucked this year, but he really gave it about 75-80% so what more can we ask of him?”

Now you’re just a little ray of sunshine to all of us Blizzard-loving, exercise-hating, couch-hugging mediocrities, aren’t you? His touching story makes me want to stand up and give a big cheer for Pelfrey and all those other ballplayers who made it to the big leagues on fries, hot dogs and Big Gulps. But then maybe not. I might dump my chicken strips and gravy.