Just a girl….looking for personal solace….

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What is on my mind?
I miss you.
I hate you.
I love you.
I want to punch you in the face.
This…this whatever it is,is suffocating. I…I don’t know what to do. When i look at you,i want to be sad and just stare,letting all the memories fill me. Then you catch me staring and ask why and i say,
“Nothing.”
As if i wish you could really know.

It is weird. It is hormonal. It is also sometimes awkwardly sprinkled with ya’know…other things.

You have all these opportunities in front of you to do right or wrong and you take them. It is a wonderful thing but also so horrendous but everyone has to go through it. (Well everyone who lives to see that stage of life) I guess what i’m trying to say is that,being a teenager is hard,but over time you learn to appreciate it but by then,it’s over. So enjoy your personal decade,because it will be over before you know it.

I’m sorry but i’m just not used to this. Buuuuut…I will mentally compile a list of,

Life Lessons

*whisper* yaay.

When someone is venting,don’t argue their opinions Let’s say someone you are close to is in a bad mood. They finally decide to let their feelings out to you. Every painstaking opinion,possibly including you. Just listen. It will make things a lott better if you listen. If you argue, neither of you are going to listen and it is just going to end with frustration and hurt.

Don’t invest too much time in your e-social lifeYes,I know…”He said,She said”. I really don’t know why i’m saying this because i’m not really a social person but,my fb account,downhill. Anyways,the internet can wait. You can actually go into the outside world. With other internet moles. “Oh what is that green stuff on the ground?” “I don’t know but it’s really cute” *gasp* “The little thing with the flaps is floating towards me” “I like nature.” I know none of you would actually say that but,eh…

Look both ways before you cross the road (inspired by Jimmy Johns) Well,metaphorically and in reality. Metaphorically,you could be in a situation that you just want to jump into. Then you cross that metaphorical road and get slammed into by that painful metaphorical truck of life.

Always look at a situation in someone else’s perspective (inspired by my bff) What if you were about to fight someone,maybe because of their differences or something they said or did. You have to look at it from their view. Maybe there was some information misheard or misgiven. Maybe it was you that gave it. Whatever it is,in the end it is truly not that important. Forgive and forget.

Always observe You’ll know why. Or maybe you already do…..

You’re perfect the way you are Let’s say you are a singer. You know someone who is better than you,but also there are a couple of people who are worse thn you. That doesn’t matter because you hold power over what you can do. No matter how good or bad other people are,you are who you are and if you try to be someone else then the inner beauty and personality of what you have will be gone.

A long time ago,this rickety old shack of a thing was lively family home. It was devoted to love,passion, hope, and togetherness. There was five family members. The youngest of which was little Sally. (I know…stereotypical name) She was at least 6 back then. Her innocence would glow in her rosy cheeks and would light her crystal sky eyes. Her older sister,Susan, was 13. After their father changed into a monster,she had to protect Sally from him.

Sally would just think that he was playing with her. She would sit next to him at the family table in the kitchen; swinging her small legs back and forth while singing “The Itsy Bitsy Spider”.

“Stop that noise!” He yelled as he slammed his mug on the table and raised his hand to strike. Susan rushed in to save little Sally but she was too late and she found her sister laying on the floor with a newly bruised face.

The clack of heels alerted them that their mother was back from her work trip. The jangle of keys sounded at the door and Susan looked up at her father. He gave her a cold sneer and attempted to look presentable.

“Hello,my loves!” Her darling voice sounded as she stepped in. She was such a strong,grand woman. Her megaphone,super happy voice was cut short by a creaking gasp. She dropped to her knees and cradled her baby Sally,

“So what happened?” Twenty minutes later she asks while sitting in a comfy chair in the waiting room.

At first he denies it. Then they argue. Then eventually Susan comes out of the Sally’s room and tells her. Then she says she wants a divorce.

A couple months go by and there is a news report. “Husband Gone Maniac”. It spreads like wild fire. Long lost cousins,uncles, and aunts are all slowly gathering this harsh information. The lively house that once stood,now hangs shattered and blood spattered. Some detectives say,that when they stepped in they could still see the bouncing curls of little Susie and Sally. Even at night,their laughter seems so lively. Until when it strikes midnight. The awful echoes of bullets raining and loud screaming churns in your ears and chokes your heart.

Can you have like serious emotions at a mid-teen age? Like, I just got like aggravated at my “Jimmy John’s” and then i asked him to help me with my work. Like,is life really that serious? *Joker voice*

Anyways….sometimes,im like grrr….and i feel like i’m in a movie that you watch on Comedy Central or on Mtv. Sooo…random thoughts:

Cafloogity.

What if i was pregnant? that would make this blog waaay more interesting. I would probably get picked up on teen mom. I could totally make a good life for my baby from the earnings of that and this.

In the mirror this morning,i told myself, “Be strong. Be mature. Be Ca-{insert real name here}”

Because i want to be who i used to be. She was strong and mature and herself. She didn’t let anyone stop her from succeeding but at the same time,she was open and had good relationships with people. (She also had a flat stomach)

I want to be who I used to be. To not have mood swings and cry during math tests…..and be needy with my “other half”.(and have a flat stomach) I don’t know whats wrong with me…but I hope I get through it.