“You cannot expect to live a positive life if you hang with negative people.” ~Joel Osteen

How do you deal with those negative people that keep showing up in your life?

I have come to believe that nothing in this world happens by accident and that there is a lesson to learn from everything and everyone.

“What is a good man but a bad man’s teacher? What is a bad man but a good man’s job? If you don’t understand this, you will get lost, however intelligent you are. It is the great secret.” ~ Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

Well, apparently I don’t always walk the talk. I have to confess to you that I have times when I feel like I can’t take it anymore. There are people who know exactly what buttons to push, how to push them and when to push them. I am not perfect. When it happens it’s like I can’t think clear anymore and I forget everything I stand for, everything I believe in. It lasts for a while but then I go back to who I really am and what I really want my life to look like.

“How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” ~Wayne Dyer

How to Deal with Negative People

It can be hard sometimes, it can be overwhelming but you can do it. Those people that keep showing up in your life, they are there because that’s exactly where they have to be and you need to accept that and you need to look for the lesson.

If you like games, and I know most of you do, you will start having a lot of fun on this journey called life, on this process. When something negative is happening to you when something terrible is coming your way, when somebody at work, or at home, or on the street is really trying to make your life harder, look for the lesson.

Those are the people who are here to teach you something, those are your teachers and if you don’t master the lesson you won’t be able to move forward in life and you will keep experiencing the same problems over and over again. You will keep attracting the same people and the same circumstances that make you feel so mad, so angry, so frustrated.

There are a lot of people out there who hate their jobs, hate their lives, people who lack self-esteem and they are trying to do everything they can to make the lives of those around them miserable too. When you are confronted with people like this, don’t let them get to you. Always remember to look for the lesson.

Try to see why is it that they act the way they do. Nobody is evil because they love to be evil. I discovered that those people who are constantly looking for ways to hurt those around them are people who are in a great deal of pain, people who have suffered and are still suffering. People who have no love for themselves and people who see themselves as being worthless and of no value.

It is a mask that they wear, a mask to protect themselves from more suffering. Because they don’t want to experience more pain, they act in ways that are pushing the people around them away. They act in ways that others find repulsive, unorthodox and self-destructive. It is easier for us to judge and reject than to understand and empathize with them. People can’t seem to understand that nobody really enjoys this kind of behavior. It is all an act, a mask.

And if you think you can’t do this, if you think you can’t understand their actions and behaviors, if you don’t want to understand it, then try to smile politely. Smile and don’t allow their toxic energy to get to you.

Don’t allow them to make their problems your problems. Don’t allow them to make their frustration and unhappiness your unhappiness. You have to be aware of the fact that it’s not about you, it’s all about them and how they are really feeling on the inside, how lonely, sad, unhappy and frustrated with everything that happened and is still happening to them.

“Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine.” ~Anthony J. D’Angelo

They feed with your energy, they are energy vampires and if you show them that you are affected, they will take advantage of you and they will take away all your power, all your energy in no time.

This kind of people will show up in your life over and over again, there is no end to them and this is why you have to learn how to deal with them, how to respond to them and how not to allow them to affect you. It is all in the way we choose to look at things, people and situation that will make us feel frustrated, depressed, worried or positive, energized, powerful, blissful and worthy.

“Don’t take anything Personally Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering” ~ Miguel Ruiz

How do you deal with the negative people that keep showing up in your life?You can share your comments by joining the conversation in the comment section below 🙂

13 Comments

I agree that practicing empathy and forgiveness is important, I feel it is in the best interest of “the empathizer” to do so. The sense of peace and freedom that comes when one is able to let go of negative feelings toward a person who has wronged them is one of the greatest gifts one can give themselves. That said, it is a goal, a process and one that can be very challenging. I do not feel it is reasonable to judge someone else because of how they judge certain people. Perhaps it is best to simply accept that you can never truly know what another person’s live-shaping experiences have been and you can not know another person’s pain. I agree that negative people are a product of their dissatisfaction in their own lives and that they very likely have a lot of pain and anger misdirected on to those around them unjustly. That does not mean you have to smile at them or facilitate their behavior. I believe we can usually choose the extent to which we allow such people in our lives and that choosing to not have negative, toxic people around you is an important part of taking care of yourself. Love yourself enough to set boundaries and minimize your exposure to negative people. Find empathy for them if you are able because holding onto resentment and anger hurts you far more than the other person. Assume such people have experienced terrible pain or disappointment (as we all have) but don’t confuse your empathy, understanding and forgiveness with allowing such a person to mistreat you or others. There are consequences for mistreating others and there should be. I believe we should love and respect everyone to the best of our ability, starting with ourselves.

I am so grateful for this page. It is so nice to get regular reminders of how to be our best self in different situations. And it’s helpful to know that I am not the only person, striving to live a spiritual life, who gets her buttons pushed and “forgets” to act like the person I want to be. This is the most frustrating part..staying on the high road with these negative people there as well. But they do teach us by pushing our limits. That’s how we grow.

In similar experiences, I have learned not to judge. Observe, assess, conclude, but do not judge the person. You can dislike their behavior and choose what to do about it. I often choose to walk away and sever ties with that type of behaving person. If I cannot help them and if they hurt me, then that is my only option at some point. I wish them well and exit. If I try to respond with kindness and they take kindness as weakness, then they are a danger to be avoided. Sometimes you have to give up on people but never give up on yourself. This includes being honest with the person in the mirror. We can all improve.

It is a selfish approach I would say, we dont have to take any of their problems as their problems but in many cases we can help with something or other. Helping someone in trouble is not unprofessional at all although many think in that way

With all respect ,the author must first explain ,what’s negativity and then tries to become a psychologist. There are people all over like the writer who have been great essay writers are are great preachers like clerical people with no use and no scientific result.

If someone complains about the abuse,corruption,inequality lack of justice etc he/she is considered a complaining person whom according to the author is in pain .
Firstly maybe that person is in pain because of many ignorant people around her/ him in the society filled with blind people . How could you not be in pain when millions of human being are hungry or how to close eyes when around 30,000 children are dying a month in a country in Africa ,are those people less human !
To reduce pain we must start showing our anger at all levels , at work, at our politicians and Government members ,at international organizations etc , until there are nations in pain ONE can not selfishly try to artificially make her or himself happy !

Angela, and how would our anger help solve all of the things that are not going right in the world? I would like to quote Buddha here because I feel like he said it best: “Anger will never disappear so long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind. Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts of resentment are forgotten.”

We all have a choice to live life how we best feel like it 🙂 Infinite Love and Peace!

I wrote about negative people and mirrors and magnets on my blog. Sometimes they show up in our lives as mirrors to show us what we are ready to clear and sometimes our light is like a magnet to their darkness and they are drawn to us not for our lesson to learn but for theirs. Patience is key.
Namaste,
Pamela

While I respect your observations and emotions in a “general population manner” and also Love your columns, I must say that it is extremely difficult for me to continue loving myself and protecting myself to read these kinds of posts from well meaning people who do not know the true meaning of Abuse from others (like a father) who were supposed to love them but instead hurt them and stole their innocence, their happiness, their trust and their future. I don’t subscribe to living in the “victim mentality” as a choice; pain can hold you prisoner there, and you will have to dig your own way out without a shovel…no one will sit with you while you claw your way out of those emotions. Just once, I wish someone who posted these well-meaning things would realize that their “Pollyana statements” cause a lot of pain for those who can’t lay out a red carpet for their abusers and say “Come on Down!” Should we feel pain for our “Hannibel Lecters?” (I.E, “Nobody wants to be evil”…excuse me, some people don’t care and don’t know the difference….Perhaps Buddha will strike me with lightening because I actually believe that evil is a choice, and should have consequences. I am posting this in defense of many abuse victims out there that are tired of being told “they should forgive or they are the ones who will suffer”. Where is the safe zone?

You know I lived my life in this philosophy for most my life and all it did was keep negative people in my life. I deal with serious illness and just am not willing to keep negative miserable people in my life anymore. I’ve never been so happy in my life. These past 3 yrs have been the easiest and it’s because I am not looking for the lesson in others miserable lives. I mean no disrespect to you. I love following your posts. I just have a different exsperance.

Never take anything personally
Don’t assume anything
Always be impeccable with your word
Always do your best
Find a way to help someone every day
It works for me and negative people are there to learn from and empathize with.

Great advice, especially the part about smiling when we can’t rationalise why they act that way.

I personally think negative people should be avoided or at least the contact time between us and them be reduced. Like you said, they’re energy vampires and will suck out any ounce of positivity within you. I also mentioned this on one of our blog posts about being more positive.