culture of gentleness

Since our inception in 2009, COR has embraced the philosophy of Gentle Teaching and has asked its caregivers to utilize this alternative approach to supporting people. COR has put aside traditional practices of support such as physical management, restraint and consequences. It does not accept interventions based on the use of reward and punishment designed to modify personally and socially destructive actions.

A culture of gentleness is woven into all aspects of the organization – in the people it hires, how each person is mentored, and in the selection and support of individuals and families. This culture is about us as caregivers coming to the people we support in a non-violent way; non-violence is the understanding of what the other person perceives as violent – not what we perceive as violence. In a culture of gentleness, interactions are warm, welcoming and aimed at nurturing relationships based on equality and interdependence. Our focus is on building a sense of companionship and community with those we serve.

A critical part of this culture of gentleness involves shedding some common attitudes that lead to intolerance toward ‘troublesome’ people, such as seeing individuals solely as behavior problems, and being unwilling to express love toward them. A person’s value is not based on their behaviour – what they do, or do not do with us, or for us; it is inherent and unchanging. Once people learn that we value them, they can then learn to value others – that it is good to be with others and do things with others.

The first duty of a caregiver is to assure each person protection from any harm, primarily through a sharp eye on prevention, constant nurturing and loving interactions. The Gentle Teaching approach encompasses a transformation of both the marginalized person and the caregiver. It is not an approach that presents fixed and immutable answers that caregivers follow in a lock step manner. It is one that asks caregivers to interact within a broad framework based on the prevention of harm and the expression of unconditional love. Harm’s prevention often initially involves giving the person what he/she wants, as long as it is not harmful, so that the caregiver can enter the person’s space and begin to teach, “When you are with me, you are safe and loved.” Individuals learn to see their caregivers as authentic companions and to slowly learn to trust others in the broader community. It is not an approach that centers itself on behavioral change. It is an approach that beckons spiritual or internal change.

The use of traditional approaches and practices based on control and compliance emphasize the changing of the other person; Gentle Teaching challenges caregivers to change themselves and base their interventions and relationships on unconditional love. COR asks its caregivers to see themselves as companions to marginalized persons; for it is the responsibility of the caregiver to initiate and initially present and sustain this mutual transformation process.

The central and guiding focus is for all caregivers to help the person learn to feel safe and loved. Feeling safe is vital in Gentle Teaching; it means that the person starts to feel unafraid of our presence. This can be observed in the warmth and peacefulness of the person’s face, further expanding to deeper feelings such as wanting to be with us, spending longer periods of time with us, awaiting our coming back when we leave, and eventually doing activities with us. Feeling loved embodies the characteristics of feeling safe, but with a deeper sense of feeling safe. It creates an urge for the person to be with us, to come to us, and to want to stay with us. It can involve a reaching out to us or seeking a hug from us. It is seen in a smile, a warm gaze, walking happily toward us, accepting and giving an embrace, and a host of other indicators. Love is impossible if the person does not feel safe.

It is important to recognize that old memories cannot be immediately eradicated; it is our hope to help the person evolve new memories starting with the feeling of being safe and loved. It is only when one feels both safe and loved that the individual may begin to express love toward the broader caregiving community and become engaged more fully in the outside community. These purposes are essential in all moral development and are the core of our human interdependence and connectedness with others. One’s focus must center on who the person is becoming, not what we might want to get rid of.

As part of a culture of gentleness, COR has developed a flexible, person-centered approach and a-quick-to-respond management model that recognizes the depth of each person’s past experiences and the wounds and scars that these have left on the hearts and souls of those served. COR places a significant emphasis on the education and mentoring of its caregivers, as well celebrating and sharing each person’s talents and gifts.

In our approach to Gentle Teaching, COR defines care-giving as:

The development of new memories.

Feeling safe within oneself and with others.

Feeling loved, respected and even noble.

Feeling accepted as a person.

Being an active participant in one’s own life project.

Feeling the power and strength to help others and live in community.

Frequently Asked Questions

Answering some of the tough questions about Gentle Teaching.

Q: Gentle Teaching seems like it might work for some, but can it work for those that I serve?

Yes. Gentle Teaching is more than just a strategy we use on people. It is about how we view ourselves as care providers. It asks each of us to examine who we represent in the lives of those we serve. It asks us to create homes and workplaces where people feel deeply safe and loved by their caregivers. We must recognize that all of us want to feel safe, deeply loved and cared for and to have an opportunity to love others and to find enjoyment in life and feel connected to others. Once we see this as our primary role as caregivers, we begin to understand that these principles are for all those we serve as well as for ourselves.

Q: What about choice?

Choices are important when increasing a sense of control and empowerment. While choice is a valid concept, most of us make choices with a sense of connectedness to others. As caregivers, we must help others make choices that are appropriate for their current state of feeling safe and loved. We all learned how to make choices utilizing the love and support of our caregivers. Choice without a sense of safe and loved can increase stress, demand and confusion. It is best to start with small choices and then expand choices as the foundation of connectedness is deepened.

Q: Iʼm concerned about using touch. Wonʼt this be seen as inappropriate?

One of the tools used when teaching others a sense of “you are safe with me” is touch. It is a very concrete sign of caring, connectedness and community. There are many variables to consider when using touch; the personʼs life story, comfort level of the caregiver, culture, age, and religious beliefs. When using touch, do so softly, slowly, predictably, and be ready to back off at the slightest indication of fear. While using touch, explain why touch is good, such as, “This means we are friends, we are good people, and you are safe with me.” If you decide that touch would not be the best tool to use, understand that your other tools (eye, words, presence) will have to be that much more powerful.

Q: What about when someone “knows better”?

We all often do things that we know better than to do (speeding, smoking, spending too much money, drinking too much, etc.) Having others explain why we should know better rarely leads to us changing our behavior. We make positive changes in our lives when we have a foundation of love and support. The fact that they may or should know better may be true but is irrelevant. Continue to work on the strength of the relationships in the personʼs life.
We know that it is not an opportune time to teach when someone is experiencing a difficult time. Explaining to someone that they should know better will not lead to change, but may in fact push them farther away. We must go for the heart, not the head.

Q: Wonʼt giving value unconditionally teach people to manipulate us?

Many of us have been trained that we should only give positive/valuing interactions when someone is behaving appropriately. We know that in our own lives, what we need in our darkest hours is warmth, caring, a listening ear and reassurance that we will get through. We want to create opportunities where people are getting the attention and affection they need from us on a regular basis, not just when they have earned it. Having relationships where one feels physically/emotionally safe and deeply loved/valued is essential for any of us.
Using food, drinks or other objects the person finds deeply rewarding is often given unconditionally while we are building the foundation of a safe and loving relationship with caregivers. Understand that the strong desire for these things is often based on a history of contingent reward and a lack of meaningful relationships. We must give something to receive something. Not having to earn these items increases oneʼs sense of feeling safe. Once there is a foundation of meaningful relationships based on a deep sense of safe and love, we can teach that while these things are good, being with others is more rewarding.

Q: We work with people who can be very violent. How can we not use physical management?

We must see the violence as a symbol of a personʼs deep fear. Our first priority is to keep the person and the caregivers safe. Some caregivers do not honestly know any other option outside of force and control. This can come from the training theyʼve had, the culture of the organization, or simply not knowing what else to do.
We need to invest in training that gives caregivers more proactive tools and strategies. It is better to create peace rather than violence. Look at what contributes to the person feeling unsafe and unloved, examine ways to increase the sense of safety and valuing, work on developing a circle of relationships where the person feels safe and loved, and loosen the reigns of control that can sometimes lead to violence. If you feel safe and loved by me, you will be less likely to hurt yourself or others when in distress.
We recommend that organizations start with where they are and develop a plan to move away from physical management as their confidence, skill level and support grows. If one must use physical management, do so with kindness and concern.

the tools of gentle teaching

mentoring a culture of gentleness

To be a Mentor of Gentle Teaching is to be reflective and thoughtful, driven by values of non-violence and justice. A Mentor teaches others how unconditional love triumphs over violence in all its forms.

http://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/Detroit.jpg6971000Michaelhttp://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/cor-logo-top-employer-dark.pngMichael2018-02-15 11:15:162018-02-15 11:17:21Mentoring in a Culture of Gentleness

http://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/4-pillars-COR.jpg14002100Michaelhttp://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/cor-logo-top-employer-dark.pngMichael2018-01-01 08:00:442017-12-29 08:41:52I was inspired by these interactions and how the 4 pillars of gentle teaching were incorporated into everyday interactions almost seamlessly.

http://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/Leaderpost-Image.jpg630840Michaelhttp://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/cor-logo-top-employer-dark.pngMichael2017-12-17 13:19:532017-12-17 13:19:53'Mend the heart. All else will follow': Creative Options Regina creates new life for many with disabilities

http://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/Gentle-Teaching-has-transformed-me-as-a-person.jpg10962000Michaelhttp://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/cor-logo-top-employer-dark.pngMichael2017-06-11 17:18:222017-06-11 17:18:22Being WITH one another is one of the main lessons I have grown to appreciate since being introduced to Gentle Teaching.

http://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/Mentoring.jpg6671000Michaelhttp://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/cor-logo-top-employer-dark.pngMichael2017-03-26 08:00:392017-03-17 16:48:19Mentoring in a Culture of Gentleness

http://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/shutterstock_391938523.jpg20164033Michaelhttp://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/cor-logo-top-employer-dark.pngMichael2017-03-12 09:00:212017-03-11 10:41:40"Gentle Teaching has pushed me to be the best support and friend possible"

http://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/shutterstock_525081319.jpg30054500Michaelhttp://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/cor-logo-top-employer-dark.pngMichael2017-02-19 09:00:212017-03-11 10:42:17"Gentle Teaching has taught me that devotion is one of the best tools for teaching."

http://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/Being-able-to-care-for-someone-on-a-daily-basis-and-watch-them.jpg11572000Michaelhttp://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/cor-logo-top-employer-dark.pngMichael2017-01-15 08:00:502016-12-28 14:59:32A culture of gentleness for me has come naturally by genuinely caring for the three gentlemen I serve.

http://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/How-many-jobs-allow-you-to-help-improve-the-lives-of-others-while-building-such-meaningful-relationships-with-those-individuals.jpg13332000Michaelhttp://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/cor-logo-top-employer-dark.pngMichael2017-01-08 08:00:412016-12-13 19:54:09How many jobs allow you to help improve the lives of others while building such meaningful relationships with those individuals?

http://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/For-the-first-time-in-my-life-I-am-employed-by-a-company-that-has-the-same-philosophies-as-me-cor-family-member.jpg10492000Michaelhttp://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/cor-logo-top-employer-dark.pngMichael2016-12-25 08:00:562016-12-13 19:48:24Gentle Teaching has transformed the person I am today; I see differently; I speak differently; I touch differently; I vibe differently.

http://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/That-warmth-and-openness-can-be-taken-even-further-in-the-form-of-building-up-others-around-me.jpg13312000Michaelhttp://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/cor-logo-top-employer-dark.pngMichael2016-12-18 08:00:072016-12-13 19:45:13It is an amazing thing to be surrounded by so many kind, genuine, and warm individuals

http://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/I-will-always-treat-my-patients-as-people-first-and-not-the-issues-they-are-dealing-with.jpg6671000Michaelhttp://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/cor-logo-top-employer-dark.pngMichael2016-12-04 08:00:072016-11-06 16:30:55Gentle Teaching has transformed the person I am and the person (and nurse) I aspire to be

http://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/Gentle-Teaching-is-a-blessing-and-reprieve-from-a-life-of-conditioning.jpg13352000Michaelhttp://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/cor-logo-top-employer-dark.pngMichael2016-11-20 08:00:102016-11-04 18:43:37Gentle Teaching is a blessing and reprieve from a life of conditioning

http://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/Gentle-Teaching-has-inspired-me-to-become-a-better-person.jpg5121000Michaelhttp://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/cor-logo-top-employer-dark.pngMichael2016-10-09 21:32:502016-10-09 21:32:50Gentle Teaching has inspired me to become a better person

http://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/Presence-is-how-I-show-her-I-care-e1456980407738.jpg10152000Michaelhttp://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/cor-logo-top-employer-dark.pngMichael2016-05-22 08:00:362016-05-19 21:32:48I try to create a culture or atmosphere where the idea of support doesn't exist.

http://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/To-truly-promote-a-culture-of-gentleness-one-must-apply-it-to-all-relationships-in-their-life.jpg6671000Michaelhttp://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/cor-logo-top-employer-dark.pngMichael2016-05-08 08:00:592016-04-19 12:29:18To truly promote a culture of gentleness one must apply it to all relationships in their life.

http://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/Family-NIght.png213914Michaelhttp://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/cor-logo-top-employer-dark.pngMichael2016-04-24 08:00:132016-04-17 18:44:43COR Family Night: A Culture of Gentleness as a Promising Practice

http://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/Who-am-I-to-come-into-this-persons-home-with-demands-and-unrealistic-expectations-COR.jpg6311000Michaelhttp://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/cor-logo-top-employer-dark.pngMichael2016-04-10 08:00:472016-04-10 19:10:27Who am I to come into this person's home with demands and unrealistic expectations?

http://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/We-are-all-individuals-and-yet-at-a-basic-level-we-all-want-the-same-things.jpg13332000Michaelhttp://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/cor-logo-top-employer-dark.pngMichael2016-03-28 08:00:502016-03-22 14:06:43We all want the same things: to feel safe, to love, and to be loved.

http://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/I-truly-believe-that-the-only-disability-in-life-is-a-bad-attitude-cor.jpg9752000Michaelhttp://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/cor-logo-top-employer-dark.pngMichael2016-03-21 08:00:292016-03-22 14:03:03I believe it is extremely important to remember that we are all equal regardless of our ability level.

http://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/Gentle-Teaching-Theme-for-October-VALUE-IN-YOUR-TEAM.png258545CORhttp://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/cor-logo-top-employer-dark.pngCOR2015-10-01 09:00:382016-07-17 00:30:04Gentle Teaching Theme for October 2015: Value in Your Team

http://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/Mentors-do-not-devalue-put-down-or-condescend.jpg15022000CORhttp://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/cor-logo-top-employer-dark.pngCOR2015-07-29 08:00:432015-11-06 15:26:23Mentors Cannot Give What They Do Not Have

http://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/companionship-and-community1.jpg9172000CORhttp://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/cor-logo-top-employer-dark.pngCOR2015-07-22 21:59:172015-11-06 16:21:00We Need To Be The Most Loving During The Worst Moments

http://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/Lets-end-this-thanklessness-epidemic.jpg14173000CORhttp://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/cor-logo-top-employer-dark.pngCOR2015-04-26 09:00:162015-10-20 21:35:10Take a Stand Against a "Thanklessness Epidemic"

http://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/Our-approach-is-based-on-moral-development-e1427069792197.jpg11852592Michaelhttp://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/cor-logo-top-employer-dark.pngMichael2015-03-29 10:00:272015-03-29 10:00:27Our Approach is Based on Moral Development

http://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/A-culture-of-gentleness-is-also-about-being-able-to-be-vulnerable.jpg6671000Michaelhttp://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/cor-logo-top-employer-dark.pngMichael2015-01-18 10:00:352015-10-20 21:36:42A culture of gentleness is also about being able to be vulnerable

http://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/A-culture-of-gentleness-makes-good-business-sense.jpg3111000jephhttp://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/cor-logo-top-employer-dark.pngjeph2014-11-02 21:24:342017-03-14 11:26:29Why a Culture of Gentleness Makes Good Business Sense

http://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/youre-not-so-different-than-me.jpg5121000Michaelhttp://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/cor-logo-top-employer-dark.pngMichael2014-09-07 11:40:042014-09-07 11:40:04We cannot know who the “other” is unless we have some insight into who we are.

http://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Safe-Loved.jpg6151000Michaelhttp://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/cor-logo-top-employer-dark.pngMichael2014-08-25 00:21:102014-08-25 00:21:10Above All No Harm

http://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/High-Fives-at-COR.jpg30004495Michaelhttp://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/cor-logo-top-employer-dark.pngMichael2014-07-03 09:03:342015-11-11 16:08:46COR is not like any other job that I have had in the past!

http://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/a-culture-of-gentleness-is....jpg4951000jephhttp://creativeoptionsregina.ca/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/cor-logo-top-employer-dark.pngjeph2014-05-11 11:48:102015-11-11 23:08:49Working With People in a Culture of Gentleness: May 20-21, 2014