While children of the '80s fight futile online battles against the corruption of their beloved franchise, the children of the '00s think both old and new versions of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are pretty silly.

TheFineBros recently presented late '80s cartoon masterpiece DuckTales to a group of unsullied youngsters. Their reactions justify every half-hour I spent in front of the television with Scrooge McDuck and company.

Kids today, with their graphical user interfaces and high DPI mice. Why, when I was their age I was getting kicked out of Radio Shack for making the computers spew out endless streams of curse words. 10 Print "Sadness"; 20 Goto 10.

There was a time when we didn't need games on our phones, because every phone came with a built-in game of roundabouts. Kids today have no idea what they missed, and don't seem too impressed when they find out.