Not surprisingly, the audience was full of murmurs. It had been a long while since either the fiery sigil of Phoenix or the star-backed flag of Vulkar had been seen. The flag poles flying these banners stood high over an amphitheater, a large crowd gathering around and waiting curiously.

On the stage stood two podiums, each donned with the aforementioned crests. Quick, echoing steps lured the audience into silence as a man walked onto the stage. He wore a two piece suit, and had no distinguishing features other than his unnaturally red hair (and, of course, his ruggedly handsome good looks). A large screen behind the podiums that was blacked out before suddenly burned with a large phoenix, its golden flames dancing lightly.

Phoenix cleared his throat. "Ladies, Gentlemen, and !X!. It is an honor to stand before you today. I apologize for my leave of absence, but the very peace of this great country was threatened, and I had little notice to give before my departure," his face was somewhat serious, glancing out over the audience and making eye-contact with everyone in the crowd. A strange man caught his eye--Jerry, if Phoenix recalled--and lifted up his shirt to flash him. Chuckling slightly, Phoenix continued, "However, that peace may yet again be threatened.

"As all of you may know, our beloved Vulkar has returned to us," Phoenix waited patiently for the cheers to settle. "Vulkar, of course, is a dear friends to us all. But that does not cover the fact that he is a fraud. A fraud that walked into this great country and demanded, not won, leadership."

The large screen behind Phoenix changed suddenly, showing an old poll.

"Now, if you'd all be so kind to look at this poll before I continue, I think we'd see the problem. Vulkar, obviously lost that race, with myself being the ultimate victor. So, unless the esteemed "Mystery Candidate" reveals themselves, I believe there is no debate here. However, I didn't call Vulkar all of the way out here for no reason. Let's here what the man has to say," Phoenix finished speaking and looked to his right, clapping while awaiting the newcomer.

He paused and shuffled his notes a little bit... "Oh yeah, this speech!

My fellow Xeomericans! I would like to remind my people of the nonsense this man speaks. The title of Xeodent has clearly been long established as mine. If his allegations are true, why has it taken nearly three years for him to question it?"

He pointed at the fiery bird of bureaucracy, "You may say that this man was away from Xeomerica, and thus could not contest it, but I would like to remark that he has no only been here, but he has also been active for many months during my term! Indeed, he even declared HIMSELF as my Vice-President!"

The large screen changed, showing a message which Pheonixocracy had sent to many of the citizens of Xeomerica. The title read "Declaration of His Majesty."

"This," Vulkas Mormonus continued, "is a message which he sent out, inviting many of us to join in an IRC server, so that we could chat and have fun and stuff." The board zoomed in on the text of the message, dated October 12, 2012.

Dear Xeotizen of Xeomerica,

His Highness, Lord Vulkas Maximus, Co-founder and Xeodent of Xeomerica (Xeus bless us), hereby cordially invites you to an informal gathering at the Grand IRC Hall. Guests are expected to come with their finest conversations, as well as a grand gift to share with others.

Astronauts of any sort are not allowed on the premise, and will be executed in a grand manner for entertainment if caught.

Doors shall open at 11pm, Eastern Time. The party shall retire when the Lord wishes it.

"Now," said Vulkas," I would like to point out a few things from this message. First off, I would like to establish that he refered to me as "Co-founder and Xeodent of Xeomerica!" Now, if he did not, at the time, fully believe me to be the Xeodent of Xeomerica, then why would he have refered to me as such? Furthermore, and this is the most horrifying and terrible thing that he could ever have said, he hates astronauts!"

Vulkas looked around at the audience, "I firmly declare that for his spacefaring hate and prejudice, then Phoenixocracy is a racist!"

As gasp goes through the crowd.

"And one more thi-" A loud buzzer went through the hall as the moderator paused Xeodent Vulkas.

The buzz was unexpected for Phoenix. He surely didn't recall putting anyone in charge of such a silly thing.

"First things first!" Phoenix re-rebuttaled. "He did sleep with that woman. It was a dark night and he said he'd call me back and never did."

Wiping the tears from his eyes, the heartbroken candidate went on, "And as for the Astronaut allegations, I was simply carrying out the wishes of Vulkar himself! I never declared myself his Vice-Xeodent, but simply let him believe so! As we all know, a term as Xeodent is only *states an amount days leading up to today*. Even if I chose to step down, I would be Xeodent for the time of Vulkar's leave of absence."

"However! Along with these false allegations this traitor brings to stage, he also brings with him..." Phoenix walks across stage, grabbing the pants of his competitor and ripping them down, revealing Hello Kitty underwear and a pair of stilts. "Wood! But not just any wood! This wood is made especially by a certain man showing hentai to the treefolk of this world and cutting it off. The man I speak of is !X!, the known trickster of this town!"

Lord Vulkas Mormonus pulled up his pants, and spoke. "I fear that Phoenix has misspoke," he said. Yes, I may walk on stilts, but this is only because I lost my feet in the great war of 2005, where, while battling Shin-Ra for the honor of the Xeomerica in the sim-battling arena, I had them dismembered, and must now walk only in these stilts!"

He looked angrily at Phoenix, "he mocks my sacrifices in this great war! I accuse this man nt only of being a racist, hating astronauts, and being a big jerkface, but also of hating simbattle veterans! What. A. Poopsieface."

"Furthermore!" he continued, "if this man wanted to make me believe that he was only my vice-Xeodent, then it is he, not I who is guilty of fraudulence."

Alex paused for a second considering. "And by the way, it wasn't her, it was her roommate, and I was told it was naptime!"

Originally posted by Elara"Candidates! How can you assure us that you will not simply vanish like you did last time?"

The quote flickered onto the large screen in comic sans font. Poor taste, whoever was moderating this debate.

"Candidates, the debate shall continue at a later time. Let's answer this question, and anymore that come from the audience for the time being. Vulkar, since Phoenix started the debate, you shall go first in this segment."

"I would like to first off establish that I was a man of my word," he stated. "When I left Xeogaming for my mission, I announced it, promising to send letters to the board on a regular basis. When I discovered that the administrator I had left to send these letters to the board had disappeared, I promptly took action, sending all the other information to you, Elara, who took over and made sure that everyone heard from me.

"Now, you may say that since then I haven't been too active, but I disagree. While I did not post, my eyes have been on the board almost nonstop, and indeed, you may say that my posting has occurred at least once everyone few weeks."

He pointed at the burning bird, "This man, however, has only posted once in the last year since yesterday. Now, you may ask why, and I will give you the answer. It is because he has been far too busy slaughtering astronauts with his racist prejudices! Because of his hatred of astronauts and sim-battle veterans, he abandoned us here at the board!"

A tear appeared in Vulkar's eyes as he pondered this, "he left us. Furthermore, despite promises to write me on the mission, sending me perfumed letters, he was silent!"

"It is true that I disappeared. It is true that, while given the responsibility of watching over Xeomerica, I left; almost without notice. My personal life became too much for me to handle, and I was overwhelmed with stress. For that, I apologize.

"However, times have changed. I am here to serve as a guardian for this realm, and I will not sit back and watch this country be torn apart. It was only recently that this board began posting in the double digits again. Of course," Phoenix put up a hand, "I do not take full credit for this. My rival also has a large part in this. My rival...who is also a friend."

Putting down his hand, Phoenix walked over, once again, to Vulkar's podium.

"I apologize for not writing you. Those accusations are not false. Even with the invention of the text message, I am terrible at keeping in contact with friends."

The man's face reflected the words that he spoke, and he put out both of arms, offering an embrace.