Cheat

I think I’ve cheated myself out of happiness. I thought I was going to be happy and have everything but it’s actually just me having nothing. I miss everything I was. Around certain people you are dynamite. You are beautiful, and lovely, and kindhearted. Certain people bring out the best parts of you. Parts that you didn’t even know existed up until the moment you had that first conversation. But I pursued another path. A path that was my only way to survive. A path that drove that part of me away. And now I’m alive. I survived. But that me that I long for – the me that was a good soul – is dead inside. And I yearn for her back. I yearn for her return. I need her. But her soul-buddy is no longer there. I cheated myself out of myself.