If You Look Like Me

Dear fellow white people,

the reason we created Kandaka is to give Feminism a new, positive and more inclusive image. We are a platform for female and male voices from all over the world and aim to highlight as many issues as there are, one at a time. However, I find that some of us white people still seem to struggle, or should I say be unfamiliar, with the basic rules of intersectional feminism. Therefore, this is a letter to all my fellow white women who don’t support intersectional but ratherwhite feminism, which in Kandaka’s view, is no feminism at all.

Ladies (and gentlemen),if you look like me, you have no reason to braid your hair into cornrows, box braids or to have dreadlocks. You can appreciate those hairstyles without appropriating them because they are not part of our culture. Our hair is accepted world-wide whilst afro hair has been politicized for centuries. It has been a reason for discrimination and still is the cause for a lot of pain inflicted on black women. Some are denied jobs because their natural hair is considered “messy” and “unprofessional”. Black girls are sent home from school when they wear braids, because it is regarded to be a “ratchet” hairstyle. Therefore, it is not fair for a white woman (or man) to appropriate this hairstyle without having to face any complications and discrimination that come with it for people of colour. While we can return home from our holiday and receive compliments for our “interesting” hair, my (black) friend gets stopped at airports with the excuse that her “unnatural” hair is enough to raise suspicion and search her. Cultures are not a trend or a costume we can wear whenever we feel like it and as soon as it is not convenient anymore, go back to a hairstyle that will protect us from racial profiling and box thinking.

Also, why should I even wear a cultural African, Latin-american or Asian dress without being in the right place or at the right celebration for it, so the people can teach me the meanings and importance behind their clothing. When people from other cultures invite us to share certain things we should be grateful l instead of insulting their cultures by wearing their traditional clothing and hairstyles without permission.

If you look like me, there are certain words you cannot say, the n-word being the best example for it. And no, it is not okay if your black friends “allow” you to say it OR if your favourite rapper’s lyrics include it. It might be okay for YOUR black friends to say it but I assure you that you will always meet people who will find it highly disrespectful and moreover deeply painful. Also, are you sure that they really don’t mind, or do they just feel uncomfortable constantly challenging your entitlement and cannot be bothered to argue? The n-word carries so much painful history which still follows Black people today and we need to understand that Similarly, just because you don’t use the n-word does not mean you can use slur words against any other minority and ethnicity, not against Sinti and Roma, not against Pakistani or Chinese people. Simply, do not use any racial or ableist slurs. Ever. (On words that don’t belong to everyone)

If you look like me, please do not deny the existence of systemic racism. While the fact that you are white does not mean that YOU are a racist, it does however mean that you benefit from this system and uphold it as long as you are not working against it. White silence is violence and you don’t have to actively oppress to be on the side of the oppressor. If a person of colour tells you that they have experienced racism please just sit down and listen to them without starting to speak before you have even heard them out. This not only undermines their opinion, but more importantly their lived experience and assumes that you already know what they are going to say. Always remember that racists can look like you and me, they are all around us. In our schools, governments, universities, police and every other institutions.

Moreover, people cannot treat us in a racist way. Racism is different from prejudice. Someone may hold a certain stereotype about white people which does not apply to you, but since we live in a system which gives us privileges from birth, it is impossible for us to experience racism. Make it your duty to call out racism when you see it, don’t be an on-looker because it isn’t your experience. On that note, stop saying ‘I don’t see colour’, because that means you don’t see someone’s struggle and you ultimately refuse to acknowledge racism. Being ‘colour-blind’ stops you speaking out when a person of colour is experiencing racist abuse.

If you look like me, having relationships with people of colour does not give you a pass to ignore racism or behave in insensitive ways. Having sex with a black or a brown person cannot cure racism or even stop you from holding racist views. Even before getting into a relationship with a person of colour, make sure you consider the unique and difficult position that your partner will be in because of that relationship and educate yourself to make things easier for them.

If you look like me, please take a step back to realize your privilege even though it might be uncomfortable. Not offending others does not attack your freedom of speech. If you have to start a sentence saying “I am not racist/anti semitic/homophobic/sexist/Islamophobic but…”, you should pause and rethink, because it is very likely that you are about to say something offensive and ignorant.

Ignorance is alive and kicking, we as white people need to start taking more responsibility to learn and understand how people of colour are affected by it and what we can do as allies to end it. It is useful to ask ourselves questions such as “Have I ever been denied a job because of my name, my religion or my skin color?”, “Has the police ever treated me worse because I am white?” or “Did I ever go to a country and people did not either treat me the same or like I am richer or even “better” than themselves?”. Then think about the answers to these questions and consider them the next time you meet a person of colour.

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3 Comments

My problem with your text is that it sounds like you support even bigger separation between cultures.
Music is a good example. Blues has it‘s roots in african music. I don‘t know if it would exist if white people weren‘t allowed to play african music. Blues is the cause for all kinds of people, no matter of their colour, religion or nationality, to come together.

To „shield“ culture and make it exclusive to some people creates groups and separates them. One would have to define static borders what belongs to a certain culture and what doesn‘t. Are dreads exclusively african? Is blues exclusively american? You are german, what‘s exclusively german culture? If you want to do something against your (black) friends with dreads getting stopped at the airport, don‘t start with not wearing dreads.

Appropriation of culture isn‘t done by multicultural living people, it‘s done by commercialism:
95% of the people who wear Che Guevara have no idea who he is or what he did. That‘s appropriation.

Structural racism/sexism/all kinds of discrimination are a big problem, to me they just all have the same cause: massive wealth differences between the groups. Money is my most salient privilege.

This post leaves me wanting scream, “STOP.” It portrays people of color as some fragile victims in a world full of white privilege. Yes racism exists but if we go on about it this way, it only creates divisions!

So if a white girl decides to get braids who is she supposed to ask for permission? Her black friend or the entire black community? I am sure u have whipped a mean spaghetti bolognese meal before, did you ask the Italians for permission? It might sound as a far fetched example, but my point is do not victimize people and treat them differently because of their odeal!

As a black person I beam with pride when my friends want to get braids, to me it means they see me and acknowledge the beauty of my culture and twant to be part of it! It promotes intercultural relationships and a better understanding of the other!

It’s really sad that SOME black people are stopped at airports or sent back home because of their hairstyles – please note it’s not all black people going through this odeal! Maybe if all people, different race and ethnicity got their hair braided if they wish to, it would become so common and normal that no one would be discriminated against because of their hairstyle. Let’s not segregate black people, let’s support them.

Blowing a trumpet because one benefits from white previlege is not the answer, but rather try and figure out ways to use this white previlige to help those being discriminated against. If you are not in a hurry maybe you could wait with the stranger (black lady) who has been stopped for random checks at the airport when she looks just as regular a traveller as you?