Legal thoughts, since 2005.

A recent Daily Record column is entitled "We Are Some Wild and Crazy Lawyers."

A pdf of the article can be foundhere and my past Daily Record articles can be accessed here.

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We are some wild and crazy lawyers

Sometimes, we lawyers take ourselves far too seriously.

While the legal matters that we handle for our clients are most certainly serious, there is levity to be found in the law as well.

In fact, I have an entire legal blog that is devoted to chronicling legal humor. And, since it’s summertime and we all deserve a break, I’ve assembled some of my favorite law-related humor for your reading enjoyment.

First up, one of my favorite lawyer jokes:

Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc.

While this is going on lawyer number one jams something into lawyer number two’s hand.

Without looking down, lawyer number two whispers, ‘What is this?’ to which lawyer number one replies, ‘it’s that $50 I owe you.’

Next up, a courtroom transcript that is proof that even seemingly dry, dull court proceedings can be unexpectedly funny:

By the Court: You may call your next witness.

By Defendant’s Attorney: Your Honor, at this time I would like to swat [opposing counsel] on the head with his client’s deposition.

The Court: You mean read it?

Defendant’s Attorney: No, Sir. I mean to swat him on the head with it. Pursuant to Rule 32, I may use the deposition ‘for any purpose’ and that’s the purpose I want to use it for.

The Court: Well, it does say that.

Quiet pause.

The Court: There being no objection, you may proceed.

Defendant’s Attorney: Thank you, Judge.

Thereafter, Defendant’s attorney swatted plaintiff’s attorney on the head with the deposition.

By Plaintiff’s Attorney (the victim): But, Judge ...

The Court: Next witness.

Plaintiff’s Attorney: ... We object.

The Court: Sustained. Next witness.

As further proof that our colleagues on the bench are still in touch with their sense of humor, I offer the following excerpt of a letter authored by the Hon. William R. Wilson Jr. of the U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of Arkansas:

Re: … Plaintiff’s Eighth Motion in Limine to Prohibit the Defendant From Touching, Manipulating or Marking on Defendant’s Demonstrative Aids

Dear Attorney X,

Are you kidding? Please advise.

Cordially,

/s/ Wm. R. Wilson Jr.

Next, from one of my favorite blogs, “Overheard in New York” (www.overheardin newyork.com), comes the following conversation overheard by a New Yorker in the 77th Street Subway Station:

Dispatcher’s voice on walkie talkie: Four black males seen in the subway station, dressed as women. Repeat, four black males dressed as women.

Cop, into walkie talkie: 10-4 to central. ... Is that breaking a law?

Finally, I offer you a helpful list of things you probably should avoid saying the next time you’re stopped for speeding:

I was smoking, I was smoking marijuana. It’s right here in my ashtray. I just picked up an eighth, here it is. I smoked a bowl’s worth. I was just smoking the last hit of the bowl. I have been smoking for the last half hour. There may be something in the trunk. Is this test only for marijuana because I might not want to take the urine test if they are testing for other drugs.

People v. El-Khawam, 20 Misc.3d 1103(A) (N.Y.Dist.Ct. June 16).

Hopefully, this collection of legal antics made you laugh, or at least crack a smile. Because, as lawyers, we have to laugh at our chosen profession. If we don’t, I can assure you the rest of the world will happily assume the task for us.

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