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Author
Topic: Peace of mind (Read 2349 times)

hello I wanted to start by saying that I'm new to the forum think but hope I can get the answers to questions or concerns I may have as well as give my advice to who so ever my need it. I was diagnosed in 2009 I did start meds until august 2012. getting to the point I got into a relationship in July of 2012 giving the person the knowledge of my situation. this person was very understanding so we became a couple after awhile we had unprotested sex that was about October /November. He was diagnosed in December and had to start taking meds in January. what's killing me is that I never known someone to have to be on meds that quick. Now I'm thinking that I'm not the one that gave him HIV. All I'm thinking is that he may have been living with and didn't know or he kept it from me and allow me to blame myself for giving it to him. I really need to understand so I can have a peace of mind.

If he had unprotected sex after knowing your status, then he chose to take the risk. I would also wonder about whether he was already poz. That is extremely quick from infection to starting meds. Having said that, many docs now start patients on meds right away. But, that still seems quick to me. I would think even docs starting people very early would at least get a few labs and allow the person to prepare themselves. One month from diagnosis to starting meds does seem very fast, even for the hit early docs.

I am curious whether he was reluctant to have unprotected sex, and worried about it after doing so? Or, was he all for it, and didn't have any concern. In any event, he knowingly took the risk, and shouldn't guilt you. I may feel differently, if you were manipulative and laid on high pressure for unprotected sex. It wouldn't mean he did not knowingly take the risk.

1) Have you flat out asked him his sexual history, and asked him when, if ever, he had an HIV NEGATIVE test, PRIOR to the one where he was HIV+? (Don't just assume and feel bad. Have you got straight answers)

2) Did you see his lab results from the test in December? (certain numbers might indicate that he was in serocoversion or NOT in fact a recent infection.)

3) Were you undetectable when you started to have the unprotected sex? (if so, unlikely that you transmitted hiv.)

_______

I agree with Tednlou - don't put a guilt trip on yourself. First of all, he decided to have unprotected sex. Secondly, its not clear, really, when he was first infected. Thirdly - yes, people can go on HAART rather quickly, but for different reasons... Not necessarily a clue for solving the mystery.

____

Also, are you feeling guilty because you have decided to? Or is he playing a mind game with you now, and making you feel guilty by something he says?

« Last Edit: February 16, 2013, 08:43:59 AM by mecch »

Logged

“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

I think during the acute infection phase, viral load can skyrocket and CD4 can plummet -- which for a doctor may spur action preemptively.

That was the case for me at least as I was diagnosed in August and likely had been infected a month or two before (I had negative test result last than a year before) and my viral load and CD4 count were abysmal. So he put me on meds straight away.

That said it is a bit crazy for your partner to have jumped into unprotected sex presumably while you're not on meds or undetectable.

Thanks for the replys will take whts been said into consideration I am on meds my cd4 is in the 1200s and vl is undetectable. To my knowledge if u have been diagnosed after knowing who supposedly gave it to u thn there would be no wrrys about being put on meds but my main concern is the time in which meds have to be taken. If u said u were negative in November thn ur positive in December and taking meds in January how can someone count drop to under 225 tht quick I dnt recall seeing medical reports after him saying he was negative I seen the later reports so I dnt believe I gave it to him I believe he came to me wth it already maybe with or without the knowledge of having it but to me he had it b4 our unprotected encounter

During primary hiv infection, it's quite common for the CD4 count to be very low and the VL to be very high. After a time, the body will gain some semblance of control over the virus and the VL will come down and the CD4s will go back up, quite often well into the normal range.

Some people can maintain good numbers for years, and some people will progress much faster. It's mainly down to the individual's genetic make-up.

The only way you're going to have any idea of what's gone on is to have an honest discussion with him and find out when he last tested before his test in December.

Also, if your viral load was UD when you two started having unprotected intercourse, then it's rather unlikely he got the virus from you - particularly if he was the top when you weren't using condoms.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Also, if your viral load was UD when you two started having unprotected intercourse, then it's rather unlikely he got the virus from you - particularly if he was the top when you weren't using condoms.

*****Doesn't the Swiss study mention to be undetectable for at least 6 months ?

Yes, as well as neither partner having any other active STIs.

However, if he was UD when they started barebacking, it makes it more unlikely that he was the source of the infection. The six month, no STI rule is there to be safe(r).

And like I said, if his partner was topping, that makes it all the more unlikely (provided he was UD at the time) because hiv is more difficult to transmit from a bottom to a top anyway, even if the bottom has a detectable VL.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

That is extremely quick from infection to starting meds. Having said that, many docs now start patients on meds right away. But, that still seems quick to me. I would think even docs starting people very early would at least get a few labs and allow the person to prepare themselves. One month from diagnosis to starting meds does seem very fast, even for the hit early docs.

It's standard procedure in NYC (I think the whole state) to start ART immediately. I was three weeks between diagnosis and Stribild. It would have been 2 weeks, but my appointment got moved.