Matthew Gardner, a 5-YEAR OLD BOY from Normandy Park, was taken into custody and thoroughly searched at Sea-Tac Airport because his name is similar to a possible terrorist alias and he is on a “no fly list.”

“When his mother went to pick him up and hug him and comfort him during the proceedings, she was told not to touch him because he was a national security risk. They also had to frisk her again to make sure the little Dillinger hadn’t passed anything dangerous weapons or materials to his mother when she hugged him.”

Ain’t America great now that we’re being kept secure from terrorist kindergartners from Normandy Park? (Editor’s Note: for those who don’t know, Normandy Park is a neighborhood located just south of B-Town).