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Today’s Column

December 31, 2016

Happy New Year!!!!

I've been dating a woman for the past year and a half.
She tells me often how much she loves me, we respect each other, and we have a great sex life.
We went out for a year while in university (25 years ago) and we broke up ten or more times!
She cheated on me with anyone and everyone.

Each time that I left, she’d beg for days till I took her back. When we finally split, I had to kick her out of my place.
Then, all these years later, she contacted me and we went for a beer. She said she was leaving her husband.

Later, she offered to come in and the rest is history.
My rational was this: We all change and I assume she did too.

She really pushed for this relationship and I’ve been thoroughly happy.

She left her marriage, we see each other when we can, as she lives two and a half hours away.
But what’s started to make me feel uneasy is that she’s now bent on reconnecting with all the ex-flings that made that year, so long ago, hellish for me.
We’d not seen each other in over a week and the first thing that came out of her mouth is that she’s decided to see one of those ex's.

This is a guy she used to have to flee in the night to the neighbours, for safety, and often.
Much of our conversations these days are about her former boyfriends and how good the sex was.

She communicates constantly with them, and I’m left feeling unpleasant, weary, and curious about your thoughts.

Re-Play?

An old saying worth considering: “Once bitten, twice shy.” Since your past relationship with this woman involves being “bitten” ten times, the natural follow is this:

Don’t let it happen again.

Something’s driving her beyond any dream of a secure and steady love.

What she seemed to have long outgrown, has taken hold of her again. These past, happy 18 months together formed a renewed “honeymoon phase.”

That’s now over. You have every reason to be weary, plus hurt.

Still, if you’re thinking of giving her chances #11, 12, and more, be prepared this time.

Know that it’s risky at best, and insist that she go to couples’ counselling with you, and get individual therapy for herself.

You both need to learn what makes her turn, after months of a happy re-connection, to behaving restlessly and recklessly till she sabotages the relationship yet again.

Or, just send her on her pursuit of others, now.

My friend told me that this girl liked me and I developed feelings for her. He heard it from his sister so might’ve got it wrong.

It's hard for me to tell if someone’s flirting with me or just being really nice, like girls do sometimes.
She's affectionate to everyone.

Every time she says something really great to me, I hear her say it to someone else later. It makes me jealous.

Is there any way to tell if she still does like me? How can I stop being jealous?