Make it “mind over job search”

Job searching can resemble a mind game , according to a job seeker I know who had been employed for years and suddenly found himself looking for a job after his company was purchased.

He said all he could do during the first week of his unemployement was replay the events that lead to his job loss. He tried his best to understand what he could have done to prevent being let go. While he was reliving his career decisions, his wife was experiencing another sense of anxiety, mostly about their financial situation and their future.

“We had a two-month-old baby who my wife had to leave every day while she went to work to support us,” he said. “I sulked around the house, obsessing over half-baked dreams of starting my own business or becoming a novelist. Basically, I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing. My wife was the breadwinner; I felt like a useless appendage. Any discussion of money or spending was the prelude to an argument. There were very few safe topics of conversation; helpful advice was taken as criticism. In public, I felt like an embarrassment. I was sick of people asking if I had found a job.”

Unemployment is frightening for many reasons, perhaps most of all because it reveals our vulnerability. Unemployment means you walk through each day dealing with “What If?” and “What next?” and “Why?”

In this job seeker’s case, the challenges were twofold: He had been taken by surprise, and he was dealing with the emotions that followed. Days turned into weeks and after all the landscaping and garage-cleaning tasks were complete, he was face-to-face with a job search.

He described the struggles with his search as not so much about sending in the required resumes or filling out applications but more about the loneliness of being without a daily schedule and battling waves of doubt that he was even in the right career field.

Communication is key to keeping stress levels down, and the lack of communication with his wife added to the anxiety.

The longer his search lasted, the more important his emotions became. It became a mental exercise that required him to think like a cheerleader and an entrepreneur.

He fell into a routine of job-search activities and meeting people. The mix worked, and it generated job leads.

He started his new job seven months after he began his search. He found his job through a lead he got from an old friend, and so far, it is the best opportunity he has had in his career.

Looking back over the months he spent job searching, this job seeker feels he now has more resilience, the communication with his wife is better, and their relationship is stronger.

This job-search experience left him a stronger job candidate, so when he faces another job change down the road, he will be more mentally prepared.

Being aware of your emotions and how they can and will affect your job search is vital during a job change. Talking about and confronting emotions can be a challenging task even for those who have a good understanding of themselves.

Here are some suggestions for working through the mental side of a job search:

• Allow yourself time to grieve, especially if you find yourself “replaying” the job loss experience.

• Prepare ahead of time for rejection. While that may sound negative, rejection is part of a job search. Many times, it’s the rejection that keeps you from reaching out to people.

• Keep a flexible outlook. You may have to “go with the flow.” Planning is part of a successful search. There are opportunities and contacts that surface outside your plan.

• Think like an entrepreneur, running your own business. In this case your business is finding your next job.

• When telling family or friends about your situation, be very clear about what you want to pursue. Help them help you by giving them the information they need. In many ways, you direct your job search by directing others in ways they can assist you.

• Take one day at a time. Job loss and job searching is a temporary condition.

• A job search is afamily event, and communication is critical to keeping fears and anxiety in check.

• You many get awkward comments from people who may not fully understand what job searching is like. Filter out the negative comments, and keep the positive ones.

• Cleaning out the garage and organizing the closets may actually help you become more creative in your job search. Be mindful of the time spent. If cleaning becomes the top priority, you may be avoiding your job search.

How important do you think the mental aspect of a job search is to you?