Break up with your exercise buddy, masseuse and others without causing a rift

Sure, you can tell a guy, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you," as a way to end things, but how do you cut ties with a subpar personal trainer or a masseuse who's rubbing you the wrong way? Breaking up is hard to do, but when a relationship—personal or professional—no longer works, it's time to bring it to an end. If you need to say "goodbye" but can't find the words, our experts' tips will help make your breakup easier so you can move on.

You took up running (or Zumba or fitness walking) together—but now you feel like your exercise buddy is holding you back. When you're ready to change your exercise regimen, tell her you want to work out longer, faster or more often, and ask if she'd like to join you, suggests psychotherapist Tina B. Tessina, PhD, author of Money, Sex and Kids. If she says no, you're free to respond, "I've really enjoyed working out with you, but I really want to try this new thing." Photo: Creatas Images

Just because your kids are friends doesn't mean you have to be friends—or does it? "No," says Jill Spiegel, author of How to Talk to Anyone About Anything. If you joined her for coffee because you felt obligated and she blurts out, "We should go to the spa together since our kids are such great friends!" respond with, "You're so kind. Thanks for the offer. Right now my schedule is super-full, but I'll let you know if that changes. It's always such a pleasure to have your son over!" Pad your rejection with sincere compliments, and try to keep your relationship warm and respectful, if only for your son's sake. Photo: Comstock

She asks you 200 questions a day, which was fine during her first week, but now she's been at your office for eight months. There are two ways to address the not-new-anymore coworker and get her out of your hair, says Dr. Tessina. First, challenge her to work out a problem herself. If she asks you how to fill the copier—again—ask her, "Is there a user manual nearby?" If she doesn't take the hint, you might request a favor every time she asks you a question, suggests Dr. Tessina. If she asks about the copier, give her the answer, then add, "Oh, since you're going to the copier, can you make 25 copies of this for me?" If she has questions that really need to be answered, at least she'll be helping with your busy work. Photo: Creatas Images

He's always doing the same routine, and you're starting to feel like you can manage your fitness on your own. Like any student-teacher relationship, this one can eventually run its course, says psychotherapist Karol Ward, author of Worried Sick. Thank your trainer for how far he's taken you—even if it's not exactly true—but let him know you're ready to be responsible for your own fitness. Present your decision as a statement, not a question. If you're not firm, you're leaving room for discussion—and room for him to rope you back in. If you'd like to try a different trainer, wait a few weeks. If you'd feel more comfortable, you might sign up for a session on your original trainer's day off. When you eventually cross paths, smile and say hi, keeping in mind that you don't owe him anything. Photo: Creatas Images

She borrows your snow blower, tool kit, jumper cables—and is always slow to return them. "What's mine is yours!" she tells you, but you don't want any of her stuff. The easiest solution: "Learn to say no!" says Dr. Tessina. The next time she comes over to borrow your slow cooker—"Just for the weekend!"—simply say, "I'm sorry, I can't loan that to you." No explanation needed. If you're firm, she should go knocking on someone else's door. Or, if you're not intimidated by brutal honesty, you could try saying, "I'd loan it to you, but you still have my hole-puncher, so I'm hesitant." If nothing else, this should improve her rate of return. Photo: Thomas Northcut/Thinkstock

You want to break up with her, but you also want to keep going to the same salon or spa. If you're not happy with the service, "you have no obligation to stay," says Dr. Tessina. Usually, these types of relationships are often short-lived, so don't feel guilty. Simply take a break from the salon for a few weeks, then ask to make an appointment with a different masseuse. The salon will be happy to keep your business—regardless of whom you see on a regular basis—so there's no need to feel bad. Photo: Thinkstock

That husband and wife you thought would be great for double dates? After four or five nights out, there's no getting around it: They're sort of a drag. If you want to dissolve the foursome but stay friends with half of the couple, schedule a few guys- or girls-only nights, but cry "busy!" when they want to double up. Or, if you're ready to wash your hands of the pair, brush them off by saying, "It's been fun spending time with you, but we're up to our necks in work and family obligations, and we really don't see an end to them anytime soon. Maybe we can see one another again sometime in the future," suggests etiquette expert John Bridges, author of How to Be a Gentleman. Whatever you do, don't drag things out by promising to call in a few weeks. Photo: Comstock

You can't always sever ties with a family member, but if your mother-in-law keeps asking about your sex life or your husband's annoying cousin really wants to be best friends, you can establish boundaries. Employ what Dr. Tessina calls "an adult time-out." When a grownup is exhibiting unpleasant behavior, simply become very distant while also remaining polite. "No personal interaction, no joking, no emotion," says Dr. Tessina. If someone's acting too close for comfort and you consistently react by distancing yourself, he or she should realize pretty quickly that the efforts to get close to you are having the opposite effect. Maintain the time-out until the person starts behaving in a manner you find acceptable. (Your mother-in-law asks about your garden or your husband's cousin starts calling monthly instead of daily.) If the person starts to regress to his or her old behavior, restart the time-out immediately. Photo: Digital Vision