Our Dirty Town

Here is a double dose of double entendre, a take off the play Our Town by Thornton Wilder, combined with the teenage humor of Bevis and Butthead. Can you handle it? See if you can spot them all.

Submitted:Feb 24, 2013
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Comments: 29
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Our Dirty Town

Welcome to the town of Innuendo. It used to be a penal colony,
jutting out on the peninsula. Now it's a bedroom community, a
bucolic collection of condominiums and cul-de-sacs overlooking
the estuary.

Here we are, on Main Street. It leads straight out to the docks,
were the ships birth. And there is the Sticky Hand Tavern where
the seamen gather to foist their foamy libations after a hard day
on the poop deck. That's Randy, the new guy. He certainly looks
limp. He just started working on the fishing boat The Lucky
Hooker. The low man on the totem pole always has to start at the
bottom. He was given the worst below job, cleaning up after Rod,
the master baiter. It's a rough position, as he's on his knees
all day. Walking abreast of him is Rear Admiral Humdinger, from
Bangkok. That man has certainly been around. He's piloted that
old shaft driver of his enough miles to reach Uranus and back, if
he could go that way. That's his ship protruding out way at the
end, the Full Moon. What a beauty.

Over there is the college. We're very proud of our edifice of
higher learning. Hey, there's the new language professor, Dr.
Peter Hymen. His class is very popular with the ladies, really
popping. He is said to be a most cunning linguist. He's on his
way to the new eatery in town, Dirty Dick's Hot Dogs. They have a
great all you can eat special, Manny's foot longs. Most people
will only take one at a time, but old Nick from the Quicky Lube
down on Proud Cock Street ate four at one sitting, condiments and
all. I know a few people who have masticated two or three of
those juicy tube steaks, but it's going to be awfully hard to
beat the four Nick ate.

Just up Proud Cock Street, past the Do Dah Lane, is the yoga
place, the Homo Erectus. If you peek in the window, you'll see
Coach Hardy, trying to work the stiffness out of the newest
members. He likes to start with the downward doggy, then work his
way into the more advanced positions. The nubile young ones are
always eager at first, but it's surprising just how flexible you
have to be to achieve the level of mastery Coach Hardy has risen
to.

Around the corner is the new neighborhood going up, between Long
View and Do Dah. You can see the construction crew is just
getting off. That is one of the guys there, Dirk Baller. Doesn't
he look gay, just finishing a hard day of nailing 12 inch studs.
That is quite an impressive set of tools he has there. How does
he keep them so clean, after all that dirty work? He's certainly
not one to let that caulk congeal on the piston of his concrete
vibrator, now that's for sure. A true professional. Those new
poles are all ramrod straight, too. What a fine sight.

And over here is the financial district, the fiduciary center of
our little town. You can see Mr. Wong just packing it up. He's
gotten himself in somewhat of a crotchety conundrum. Seems he has
been cooking the books. I don't know if he can handle the
ramifications, as he is still hurting from the last probe of his
annals by that unctuous proctor from Cornwaller. Longfellow, I
think was his name. Not an enviable position to be in.

We have quite the nightlife, here, too, as you can imagine. The
Back Way Inn is really popular, where they run a great happy
hour, so you don't have to blow your wad all at once. The young
people seem to really like it, as they are always lining up to
get in.

There are many more places I could show you, but it's time for me
get going. My wife will be home soon. She had to take our
Shiz-Tzu to the vets. Seems he had a strange clump that was
fomenting on the fleshy folds of the orifice below his coccyx. A
very sticky situation, indeed.