How To Smoke Cannabis Discretely During Christmas Dinner

It's Christmas time, which means it's time to get baked with some high-class ganja. Check out these tricks to get high in a stealthy fashion. Happy Holidays!

You’re in a country, state, or city where cannabis consumption is legal. The holidays are approaching, and it’s the perfect time to smoke some herb. All the delicious treats and food are begging for the greens to be consumed. Aromatic soups, turkey, delicious sauces, and all kinds of other delicacies will be spread across the table.

Yet, your family is holding onto century-old prejudices against marijuana. What is a stoner to do? Here we’ll explore all the stealthy ways you can get high, without alarming the attendees.

HOW TO CONSUME GANJA WITHOUT CLUEING IN THE IN-LAWS

1. EDIBLES OR TINCTURES

Edibles and/or tinctures ensure a professionally stealthy operation that will get you high like a ninja. Excuse yourself during dinner like a lady, “May I be excused to the restroom? I urgently need to tinkle.” Once you have been excused, lock that bathroom door tight and bring out that tincture bottle to delight your taste buds with high-class cannabinoids.

If you prefer to consume edibles, make sure to keep the delicacies away from your clothes and to wash your face if any residue is detectable. You gotta stay classy, you don’t want to be judged by your family members for the rest of the year.

Of course, if you have an edible which resembles a candy, you could just stealthily consume it in front of everyone without raising questions. Just don't look all suspect about it. Make sure to keep edibles away from children and any other unsuspecting individuals for that matter.

2. SAY YOU NEED TO “RETRIEVE SOMETHING FROM YOUR CAR”

Alright, let’s get tactical about this - here’s the plan. Upon exiting the car to enter the humble abode of the festivity, make sure to “forget” an item which will justify your return to the car later during dinner time. This item can’t raise any suspicions; for example, forgetting your tissues won’t function, because napkins will be present at the table.

It needs to be something like a phone, medicine, or makeup. Upon get-high-o'clock, simply excuse yourself to get something from the vehicle. If someone asks for what, you’ll have a viable excuse. Now, you’re at your car and you have two options, consume a tincture/edible, or take a dab hit from the car cigarette lighter. Simply heat up the lighter, drop a small piece of concentrate on top, and gently inhale the fumes without burning your lips.

When returning to the dinner table, don’t forget to bring the item which justified your excursion. Be fast - retrieving something from the car doesn’t take long and you don’t want someone to “check-up on you" while you’re taking a dab hit.

3. USE A ONE-HITTER

When stealthy toke operations are desired, one needs to “hit and run.” One-hitters refer to pipes, joints, or any paraphernalia which allows the toker to take a single, or very few puffs, with great ease. During the festivity, if you’re outdoors, take out your one-hitter, light it, smoke it in 2 seconds, and you’re ready to return.

An even better idea is to bring a vape pen. If somebody sees you, it will just look like an e-cigarette. Furthermore, the fumes from cannabinoid vapor is usually less obvious than smoke. Do not under any circumstance purchase a one-hitter that looks like a crack-pipe. If your family sees you from a distance, it will be worse than smoking a joint. You’ll be forever coined as “crack-head-Stevie.”

4. MAKE A MUTE

This classic is a legendary device that has been used for decades. To mask the smell of weed, cover one end of an empty toilet paper roll with a couple pieces of toilet paper. Attach the paper securely over the opening using a rubber band or hair tie. Upon exhaling the smoke, breathe out into the uncovered end of the roll, catching the smoke in the toilet paper before it can be released out the other end. The toilet paper helps to keep the fumes from travelling, albeit, only partly so.

This is not the ultimate way of eliminating the smell, but it can be used as a last resort. For a better-working mute, consider using dryer sheets instead of tissue to limit the dispersion of smoke.

5. IDENTIFY ALLIES

You’re not alone in this world. There are other stoners out there, and probably even some sitting at the dinner table. Identifying fellow toker allies is imperative in maximising the festive experience. You'll probably already know a couple of fellow weed consumers, but it’s important to acquaint yourself with the allies who lurk in the shadows.

A good way to find out is to wait until your aunties and uncles had a couple of drinks, then ask whether they smoke. If they answer “smoke what?” with a cheeky smile, you found yourself an ally.

6. GO EASY ON THE BOOZE

If you’re a novice toker, it’s best to stick with either weed or alcohol. Combining the two in significant amounts creates a “crossfade,” which can make you sick all over the dinner table and/or your Grandma, which is highly undesirable. Of course, if you can handle it, go for it and enjoy your evening. But take caution.

7. KEEP A WELL-HIDDEN STASH

Ganja emanates wonderful aromas, which make you go mmmmmm… But in the company of relatives, the goal is to limit the smell and sight of weed as much as possible. You could use a Pocket Stashbox SpaceVac, perfect for containing that smell and keeping that weed hidden from judgmental eyes.

Some sneaky stoners hide their stash in everyday items such as the Stash Hair Brush. Be smart and be bold. Just make sure not to draw attention to yourself by fixating on your brush throughout holiday dinner. Otherwise, happy concealing.

ONCE YOU ARE HIGH, TRY NOT TO LET IT SHOW

8. DON'T SMELL LIKE WEED, MAN

Many of your relatives might not even know what weed smells like. However, the ones that do will spot your baked state in no time. Smelling like weed is definitely a dead giveaway. Try to avoid smoking joints during the festivities, and make sure to wear fresh clothes that haven't absorbed your yearly consumption of dank.

Also, you should preferably use vaping methods or edibles, because the smell of buds is hard to conceal. If someone catches you and says “you smell like pot!” just make the bulletproof excuse that you went to a zoo, and a chimpanzee was smoking a joint next to you - it will work, trust us. You can also purchase the Orange Chronic Air Freshener to cover up that smell.

9. OPEN YOUR EYES

Another dead giveaway, for sure. After toking a bunch or consuming that delicious edible, your eyes can turn as red as your mother's cheeks after 8 glasses of wine. This problem is easily solved by eye-drops such as Open Your Eyes. These droplets will wash away the sin from your eyes and allow you to enjoy the rest of the holiday without paranoia.

10. KEEP YOUR HEAD COOL

The hardest part of getting away with ganja toking endeavors is mimicking sober humans. First, remember that cannabis can impair short-term memory. Telling a long story, stopping mid-sentence, and asking “what was I talking about?” is a telltale sign of your “Reefer Madness.”

Keep your stories short, and if you forget what you were talking about, just excuse yourself to the bathroom. Laughing uncontrollably at trivialities definitely raises suspicions. Avoid staring at a painting, giggling, and explaining to everyone how many shapes resembling genitalia can be spotted in the abstract artwork. Keep your philosophical conversations to a minimum, and when the munchies hit, eat slowly and systematically, don’t shove a turkey down your throat like a caveman/woman.

Keep it classy. Also, when smoking some relaxing couch-locking strains, drink a cup of coffee to perk-up, although the couch-lock can easily be excused as a food-coma, after all the munchies you ate.

11. PREPARE RESPONSES AHEAD OF TIME

There’s nothing worse than boring conversations with relatives you barely know. Nobody wants to be a part of that conversation. How’s your cat, Nipsy doing these days? (She passed away 12 years ago). Prepare funny one-liners that will excuse you from the conversation, and bump-up your social status at the festivity.

AND A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SOLUTION...

12. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I SMOKE WEED EVERY DAY

If you live and celebrate your holidays where cannabis is legal, the best thing to do is to come clean. Honesty is the best way to ensure that you can smoke cannabis during the festivities. Perhaps some old-school aunties and uncles won’t accept your toking endeavors, but at least you won’t have to hide and feel ashamed of smoking weed. This will also open up a conversation regarding the legality of cannabis and its effects.

This is your time to shine; remember to do your research before coming clean, and drop some dank knowledge on your loved ones. And who knows, maybe some unexpected family members will stand up during your speech and say, “Guys! I’m so f***ing high right now! I love y’all!”

Written by: Guest Writer Occasionally we have guest writers contribute to our blog here at Zamnesia. They come from a wide range of backgrounds and experiences, making their knowledge invaluable.