Martin writes lists. Some of his lists are beautiful, poetic. We use lists to organise ourselves. We have shopping lists and to do lists. We have wish lists. And virtually the only magazines I buy are the top 100 list editions - Q especially, but sometimes Empire. I even look at top 100 lists when I want a new xbox game.

I hate TV list shows though. The top 100 sketch shows, the best ever American TV cop shows, The worlds worst, the worlds best. Usually they're a list of the world's most indifferent.

I have a feeling I am going to have to befriend lists. I can feel one coming on now, like a good shit. Top ten cities to visit. Top 20 travel websites. 10 best items to place in a backpack. Top motorhome accessories. The list is endless. The list of lists is endless.

Here is my first list. 10 things to make me feel better about myself:

Use the phone every day. I am officially phonophobic. Although, I use the term 'officially' very loosely, as the word doesn't really exist in a medical, suffixy way.

Tell people I love them, when I do. I'd like to add, "Tell people I don't love them when I don't", or rather, "Don't tell people I love them when I don't." but I'm too old to have to add that to my list.

Remember that some dates are important to others. I think this is related to my autism. Or my imaginary autism. Or maybe it's my paranioa. My schizophrenic paranoia? Whatever it is. I love my birthday and father's day. And I love the idea of other people's special days. But before I know it, I've missed it. I come across as forgetful at best, uncaring at worst. Well actually, a bastard is the worst I've come across as.

Pick my spot when in a one-on-one situation with the 'keeper. (A soccer scenario for any Americans out there). I play football every night. Sorry, that's a slight exageration. I only play football once a week. But I think about football morning, noon and night, I check the gossip columns, ceefax, the press, official websites, the radio (local and national). I figure mathematically that this averages out to the equivalent of playing every night. Does dreaming about playing count? Anyway, I play reasonably well, until faced with a goalscoring chance. To improve my life I would like to have a little more composure in front of goal.

Get something published.

Street perform.

Ride my bike more times in a week than I use my car.

Neither wash my brushes nor throw them away. This is my moral dilemma as a painter and decorator. Environmentally, which is the lesser of the two evils? The brushes and rollers are cheap enough to use on one job and chuck them. But they then end up in landfill. Do they biodegrade? I don't know. How much energy was used to make them? I don't know? On the other hand, if I clean them I use white spirits, brush cleaner, turps. They all have "Hazardous Liquid" symbols. What is the damage to the environment when I flush that lot down the drain? On top of that, washing them uses gallons of water.

Be useful in the morning. By the time I get out of bed in the morning, Deb is most of the way towards a breakdown and I am suffering from the kind if earache that won't go away until mid-afternoon. Life would be better if I was better in the morning.

Stop writing lists. I went on a creative thinking course that identified me as being far too right-brained to ever stick to a list anyway. I like the idea of lists. As a concept they appear to be the perfect way to organise my life. But as a life, I am far too disorganised to ever pay attention to a list.