Hi Philipp. Will you be speaking to Small Talk in English? Er ... Nein. Ich glaube nicht. Verstehen Sie Bayerisch?

Erm ... Let's give it a go. Who's the best left-back in the world? You? Ashley Cole? Jamie Carragher? After the World Cup, I would say Gianluca Zambrotta, but it's always difficult to say who's best.

Very diplomatic, Philipp. Who's in your dream team at left-back: Paolo Maldini or Germany's 'fro-sporting legend Paul Breitner? [Big smile] Maldini. For nearly two decades he's played at the very highest level both as an international for Italy and Serie A. He was a real shining example for me.

So Maldini was a hero of yours? No. Not as a child - I had other heroes. They were all attackers and midfielders. But Maldini is a player all left-backs can copy and learn from.

What sort of player do you prefer facing - a plodder but good crosser, like David Beckham, or a nippy speedster like Aaron Lennon? For me it's more difficult to play against the quicker wingers, but for the team it's perhaps more difficult to face players that are good passers, because one through ball can take the whole team out of the game.

Why are Germany so much better at penalties than England, except for your mate Owen Hargreaves? [Lots of smirking] I think it's to do with the history of English players and penalties. Every English player knows this and thinks about it. England have never won a penalty shoot-out, have they?

Can you tell us something about Hargreaves that we don't know? [After a long pause, Lahm repeats the question in perfect English three or four times] Mmm, let me think about it.

Of course. At the start of the season, your general manager Uli Hoeneß promised that Bayern would play similar to Germany in the World Cup - quick, dynamic and attacking. So what happened? Well, Germany trained together for seven weeks before the World Cup and we were exceptionally fit. But you can't play the way we played in the World Cup over a whole season. Also, many of our players didn't have much of a break or pre-season. As a result, the poor first half of the season wasn't such a surprise.

Still, it's made for the most competitive Bundesliga seasons for years. Are you enjoying it? [Look of compete surprise, then a smile] Not really. It's great for the other fans because everybody loves it when Bayern lose, but it's been difficult for the team. This season it's really tight. The relegation battle is very tight, the Uefa and Champions League places are tight and so is the title.

Can Bayern still win the Bundesliga? I believe we can. But it's no longer in our hands. The bottom line for us is to qualify for the Champions League.

Who's the best manager you've played under? I've played under Felix Magath, Matthias Sammer, Ottmar Hitzfeld, Jürgen Klinsmann and Jogi Löw [Joachim Löw, Klinsmann's replacement as Germany coach] and they're all quite different. I couldn't say who's the best. I thought Jürgen was great as Germany trainer, but I've no idea whether he'd be any good in the Bundesliga.

Does Jürgen still have the VW Beetle he used to amble around London in? I heard that someone bought one of his old cars on eBay. Some unusual or old car - a Trabant, maybe - which sold for thousands. Not sure if it was the Beetle, though.

What did he bring to the Germany squad as a coach? He brought a whole US training team! Even basketball players from the NBA and American footballers from the NFL.

Really? That must have been odd... At first I wasn't sure about it. But I think a little differently from many other Germans: when something is new, many of my countrymen automatically think it's bad. In the past, we won tournaments with lots of fighting and lots of hard running. Under Jürgen there were new things, most of which worked.

Tell Small Talk something funny about Klinsi... There's nothing really. He is a very relaxed person. He gave us many evenings free and he'd say: 'Go for something to eat but be back in the hotel by midnight.' He gave us a lot of freedom and organised lots of activities in the hotel.

OK, on to the more important stuff. Just what is the attraction Bavarian men have with Lederhosen? It's the women in Dirndls standing next to you [Small Talk has seen the pictures of women in low-cut dresses serving huge beer Maß at the Oktoberfest]. That's why we wear Lederhosen.

Who would you rather have at Bayern: Wayne Rooney or Lionel Messi? [Sharp intake of breath] Messi ... Ah! It's for an English website. Rooney!

Who'd win a fight between Mark van Bommel and Oliver Kahn? I don't know. Probably a draw. [Again, in Queen's English - he's coming on leaps and bounds.]

Frank Lampard or Michael Ballack? [Looks at Small Talk as though we should be horse-whipped for asking such a stupid question] Michael Ballack.

Claudia Schiffer or Heidi Klum? [No hesitation] Heidi Klum.

Back to Owen Hargreaves - dish the dirt... You probably don't know this in England, but he's always last to leave the changing room ... because he's always ... [Makes strange motions depicting Hargreaves caressing his own hair].

Is he off to Manchester United? [Looks at Small Talk with a wry smile that means, just because we share the same agent it doesn't mean a) I know anything about this and b) I would tell you even if I did] I don't know. I cannot say. I hope he stays here.

Thanks very much, Philipp. Next time we speak in English, OK? [Laughs] Maybe. Thanks. Tschüß.