Perhaps the expectant mom won't want to place with you even if your co-worker decides not to adopt the baby?

I think the main thing is to keep this as uncoercive as possible, while still being available to offer any support if she does choose to match with your family.

Of course I'm aware that she just may not like us for whatever reason, but it would be nice to at least have the opportunity to meet with her and see what happens. And I'm not trying to coerce her at all, I'm hoping to meet with her and help her get some counseling so that she can make sure she really wants to give up her baby. The last thing I'd ever want to do is pressure her to give up the baby if she doesn't want to.

Thanks for the encouragement, It really feels like this is so frustrated and our application isn't even in yet! I feel the same way (to the bolded) And I don't get it. I told her I needed to know that they were 100% sure they didn't want to adopt (my co-worker) before I would go ahead and meet the mom.

The ups and downs are 100% normal so no worries here. Many of us go through this and some how we all get through it and "most" of us get our children if we tuff it out long enough - some of us if you read our posts longer than others for what ever reason but the main reason is we were waiting for the child meant to be ours.

I'm with the others and its a good suggestion to meet with the expectant parents alone. Its just too much pressure to meet with the co-worker too given this situation. If she didn't want to adopt & had kids, it would be different.

__________________Mom to my wonderfully sweet toddler who is the joy of our lives. :

I agree. I don't have the expectant mom's info so I can't contact her, but she says she gave her my number so I guess if she (the e-mom) wants to contact us she will. I'm letting go and have decided it will work out the way it is supposed to.

Thanks to you all for listening and giving me advice, this is all so new to me, but I feel like I've learned a lot from this experience so far about things to watch out for in the future and that word of mouth can potentially in the future get us a placement.

Also I found out that our agency, LDSFS, has a grant to pay all medical expenses for the e-mom and they will assume the risk for up to 3000 of other expenses. So for us, the max we'd pay for an in-state adoption is about 10,000 and for an out of state adoption more like 13,000 so I'm feeling ok about the cost at least.

I'd move on past this as it can get very sticky and just go with the agency for now and then if you want to do some private advertising, I'd do that to boost your odds (i.e. parent profiles which is a big LDS company). $13,000 for everything is very reasonable and if they have the tax credit, you'll come out even (but don't count on it 100% as you see now people are having problems). My concern is if the co-worker doesn't take and birthmom places with you (even if it is co-workers choice) co-worker can be very upset at you if she really wants a child (emotions don't have to be logical or reasonable, especially when you are childless) and for what ever reason they declined.

You'll pick up all the adoption stuff pretty quickly and learn what to look for, what not to look for, etc...its a hard road. Hopefully, you'll be successful quickly and if not, we're all here to cheer you on and keep you going.

__________________Mom to my wonderfully sweet toddler who is the joy of our lives. :