Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

Am I crazy or stupid?

I am a mother of three, three year old boys, the oldest will be 4 in days, and the twins turned three, months ago. I am married but it is mostly not happily, I get that relationships have problems and that couples fight but we just seem so very different now. At the beginning things were great, we then hit a really rough patch and there was a lot of drinking and we split, that was 6 years ago. We were apart for 6 months and he had another girlfriend and I was trying to get on my feet, living with mom. We were literally states apart. He called often telling me that he missed me and was not happy in the current situation. I decided that it was worth a second attempt. We married in 2004 it was great, we were great, we were going to make it in this crazy world. We decided that it would be great if he made the switch over to active duty reserves in the military, that meant that we were moving 1200 miles away from any family or friends we had, but again, we were great. In 2006, after the birth of our twin boys (traumatic all on it's own,born 2 months premature and we almost lost the eldest of the twins) after all of my "instincts" told me he was not faithful, and lots of questioning, I found out that he had been cheating for just about our whole marriage. He says it was because when he went to schooling for his job and had to go to different trainings with the military, he did not have me so he need to. I like a fool decided to stay together, mostly because I had no job, no family around, no friends and three very young babies. Then in 2008 I found out he had been at it again, He had come back from Iraq in 2007, now I lived in our home town and he was still stationed 1200 miles away and he had been with at least 5 different girls, one of witch told me that he had been telling everyone that we were not together any longer, (she was an 18/19 year old, and very apologetic). Now still together, 2009, he thinks I should just get over it or leave him, I am finding it hard to get over and surprisingly even harder to leave. Currently I have no car, no job, and three boys who are not yet in school. I don't know what to do. At this very moment he is preparing to head out to a local bar "alone" and does not see why I don't like it. Am I crazy to feel concerned or stupid for staying?

ur neither. i think u should leave him, but as u said u r dependent on him. so u can't leave him right away. i say u wait until u can get a job and start saving up. when u get enough money, move out. get divorced. he cheated more than once and that's not ok.

Sounds like he moved you away from any support to isolate you. Your family and friends are out side of the state. I would suggest you seek out free legal advice either online or through something local. Just google it first. The only hang up for you is taking the kids out of state, you have to be careful of that if you go through the divorce route. If you can get to your mom and hang on to the kids it wont take much effort to get support out of him through the courts. This man does not love you or respect you, he believes and wants you to believe that you are trapped there to take care of his kids while he goes out to play. Find a way to free your self and provide the right example for your kids.

When in doubt ask your self would you want your kids to live the life your living... if not then you should not.

Hey, I was just wondering if anyone could help me? I've had a panic attack pretty much everyday for a month and it's just so exhausting and I don't know how to over come it, does any one have any advice or tips to help prevent them or at least deal with them? They're getting really painful and so tiring and debilitating, I just don't know what to do anymore.

A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...

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