4 Easy Ways to Raise a Grateful Girl

We’ve all seen it happen. A child is opening gifts when she
gets a playset she already has at home. Rather than saying thank you, she
shrugs, says, “I already have this,” and sets it aside before moving on to the
next present. Of course you’d like to think your daughter would never react
that way—or would she?

Being grateful goes way beyond polite manners—a 2008 study
published in the Journal of School Psychology showed school-age children who
count their blessings are happier in school, more optimistic, and feel more
satisfied with their lives in general. “So often, kids focus on the
concrete—what they have or don’t have, and what they want,” says Dr. Bastiani
Archibald. “But always wanting more, different, or better creates anxiety and
stress. Recognizing what we do have,
instead of focusing on what we don’t, brings peace and calm.”

Naturally, gratitude is a value we all hope to see in our
children, but because feeling grateful doesn’t have cut-and-dry
instructions—like, say, brushing your teeth—it can seem a bit trickier to teach.
The great news? When you express gratitude for the awesome people and things in
your life, you’re helping your
daughter to value similar aspects of hers.
“It’s not just about tangibles,” says Dr. Bastiani Archibald. “It’s those more
meaningful gifts like a loving family, good friends, food on the table, and a
safe place to play that matter. Many girls aren’t aware that others don’t have
those things.”

Follow these tips to spark
the conversation:

Start the day right! A gratitude-centered breakfast
conversation about what you are both looking forward to will get the day off to
a positive, optimistic start.

During a quiet moment or blessing before dinner, encourage
each person to share something they were grateful that day.

Laying down for a minute together at bedtime and talking
quietly isn’t just a special bonding moment for you and your daughter, it can
also be a powerful learning moment where she can share what she’s been grateful
for, and what she’s not feeling so grateful about. Your daughter needs to know
that both feelings are important and valid.

When you have mother-daughter time together—whether it’s as
simple as running errands or as epic as a girls’ day out—make sure to tell her
how grateful you are that you get to be with her, and prompt her to share how
she’s feeling.

At a loss for words? Try
these easy ice breakers:

“I can’t believe how
lucky we are to have such beautiful weather! What makes you happy about today?”

“My friend took time from her busy schedule to call me this
morning. Her thoughtfulness totally made my day. What were you thankful for today?

“What was the happiest moment of your day? Was there anybody
you were grateful to see, or something you really enjoyed doing? And what
wasn’t so good? Is there anything upsetting you or that is making you feel
disappointed?”

“I’m always grateful to see such a delicious meal on the
table—and tonight, it’s making me think about people in our town who might not
have enough to eat. Can you help me think of ways we might be able to help
them?”

“It’s such a treat to get to have lunch just with
you—there’s so much to be thankful for. I’d love to hear about all the amazing
things going on in your world, too!”

Dr. Bastiani Archibald notes being grateful is a feeling and
awareness that develops throughout childhood and adolescence—so don’t be discouraged
if your daughter takes some time to jump on the thankfulness train! But know
that by setting an example of gratitude you’ll be helping her see—and truly
appreciate—all the wonder in her world.

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