Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Looking Back on Today..

Several years ago i heard a heartbreaking news comes from the music world , its about the death of Casey Calvert (Hawthorne Height's Guitarist). Now, i was a big fan of their music thou, but, what despairing about Casey Calvert is because he dies as the result of the medicine complication. That was unexpected, he wasnt a drug user.. I believe he took the prescribed medicine given by his former psychologist.. From what i read on the internet, he's been fighting the Depression and Anxiety for years. Now don't get me wrong, he wasnt suicidal, he just "want to live, in peace". You can hear his bandmates testimony about Casey, if you want. Listen to "Rescue Me" by Hawthorne Height, its the song dedicated to Casey Calvert.

How sad it was.. How in the hell allows The S.A.D.(Social Anxiety) person to be left alone and die? The SAD person deserves more protection, they were the most fragile form of humanity, they deserved love because all they want is just to be happy. Such a pathetic little world isn't it?

Now.. Couple days ago, i was listening to "Rescue Me" by Hawthorne Height.. That song made me looked back onto my past. It made me remembered how fragile was my past.. And how several times i almost facing the death itself..

This is just an entree on my diary, a something to remember, a something to looked back on today....

I was a suicidal in the past.

I have tried to kill my own self 3 times in my life.
•First time (when i was 16 years old) by swallowing bunch of medicine (not illegal drugs but a strong prescription drugs) until i collapsed. Been rushed to the hospital, thankfully i could vomiting the chemical on the way to the hospital, so im still alive.
•Second time (when i was 18 years old) by attempt to collide my car onto the opposite car running at highspeed (i remember that car was a sport car). And i was lucky to be alive because instead of colliding with me, that car was struck onto pedestrian pathway
•Third time (when i was 22 years old) ive been trying to hang myself in my own room with a belt, haha, yes with a belt, but for some reason i couldnt done it.

My near death experience:
• i almost dead by Acute hepatitic illness. I was laying in hospital bed for a whole month (13 years old)
• my family car had been attacked by several huge tigers at taman safari, almost ripped the car open, luckily the safari guard was on time (6 years old)
• when my appendix was burst open, luckily the doctor was good (10 years old)

I cant remember how many times i've been hurting myself in so many ways.. To be honest, cutting the arms open is a common thing to me (in the past).

Scars in my body:
• stitches in my right eyebrow that i cover with a piercing (17 y/o, had it when i was fighting 3 of highschool seniors, damn, all by myself..)
• big stitches on my right tummy (appendix surgery)
• a stitches on my right palm and one on the side of my right pointy finger, still hurts till now, i believe there's some misplaced tendon within (18 y/o, this is how i crash my own prom night, by ruining it)

My conclusion from everything that had happened in my past, i should be thankful.. Because only by the grace of God Almighty.. I'm still breathing the air of earth until today. Thank you God, thank you.. For You i chose to live.