Monday, June 29, 2015

we all start out simply focusing on what we do. Then we either become inspired or imagine and things begin to progress. The days add up along with the months and years. Our focus improves along with our capacities and skills . We advance and things become interestingly possible. Then one day or over a period of days it becomes real. I mean it all starts to hit you that you are living your dream and aspiration has become action. This is a flexion point and a phase of confidently growing and shifting into a belief. Some times it faintly begins to unfold before the big moment and yet no one wants to let themselves get caught up in getting ahead of themselves. So then it's often not until its either to late or almost beyond the moment. The door is welcoming and somehow we can still hesitate. No moment stays open forever and some times they pass with out being taken.

if you feel a photo in your heart and you see it in your heart and mind, you need to see it with the camera. [..]

I like to assume responsibility for my work [..] there’s a real satisfaction to SEE something and then MAKE a photo and have it satisfy you and maybe others too. You can think how you saw the photo coming together and recall everything about it that you didn’t take the time to forget.

I've walked to work since we moved office in Feb last year. I love it. It takes about 30 minutes and it has become an invaluable time for me to just walk and be engaged in the moment of just doing that. It gives me a chance to just think about things and I solve many problems and reflect on life a little. I have found a nice way and a few options and a couple are my favourites because how they make me feel. Often I see something that I have not noticed though I have walked past it many times. This photo is one of those things. It is just a few scratches on a peice of metal that has been painted red. I felt it, saw it, made it and I am responsible for giving it a life beyond itself. I love what photography does and these words make some sense of it all. Thanks Streetshooter.

Just found these photos on an old disk. Certainly do bring back some memories and how I felt just over 10 years ago. So much has happened and it feels like another life, the life of someone else told to me so intimately with an open heart and no secrets because I seem to know it so well, I can feel it - but can it be me, really!!

I sense the same feeelings in my own photography (and life and paddling for that matter). The engagement, the doing, without any particular goal can help you through some tough times in your life. And, this is what I did and continue to do.

Accept tiredness. Accept frustration. Accept joy. Accept the moments that make life, life. Accept grief and your need to mourn when someone close to you dies. Accept your desire for better things. And accept that the journey to what you're try to accomplish with your life is as important as what you do eventually accomplish with it. It's a chase and that's all it ever will be and there is nothing wrong with that.

Introspection means talking to yourself, and one of the best ways of talking to yourself is by talking to another person. One other person you can trust, one other person to whom you can unfold your soul. One other person you feel safe enough with to allow you to acknowledge things—to acknowledge things to yourself — that you otherwise can’t. Doubts you aren’t supposed to have, questions you aren’t supposed to ask. Feelings or opinions that would get you laughed at by the group or reprimanded by the authorities.

I have seen people wait their entire life for the perfect moment to squeeze their heart, and that moment never came. I have seen people risk it all too late, be amazed by what they found, and cry over the time they wasted. I have seen people disappointed and sad and poor and more aware of who they are and what they are than anyone who didn't dare risk what they risked. I have seen people never know their own heart, and they may as well have never had one.

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

the truest, most authentic self is only revealed in isolation. For me, the social self is a mask. The photographs collected here are, simply put, a record of my attempt to penetrate the mask and expose some glimmer of the mystery beneath.

I have also found that the true authentic self is often revealed in those raw moments in your life involving your Heart where something is lost - a relationship through a breakdown or a death. A Tear is often a manifestation of the true authentic self because there is nothing left - no masks, no filters. In those moments of loss, before, during and after, the true authentic self is most often revealed, as it should be. For it not to be, might show great resilience in character and [maybe] a Heart of Stone, but this will only magnify and potentially extend the grieving and bereavement process that should follow any significant loss.

There is a beauty (if you are prepared to look at life this way) to the process, it's rawness and what it reveals in character. It shows you are living and experiencing a meaningful life in all its extremes. I have thought that my photography could - and to some extent it has already (and when I think about it as I write these words, it is the very reason I bought my first small digital camera way back Dec 2000) - pursue this direction. They are often markers and important references in your life as you move forward. I have found great comfort in my photographs.

Monday, June 15, 2015

I've been told I'm special in so many different ways my entire life, why should I have to try, and continue to educate myself, try, and maintain a healthy marriage, try, and exercise, try, and work to accomplish something -- anything -- great?

This is one of the hardest illusions in the world to break. I am not special and I need to try if I want anything. There is nothing sad about that. The only
happiness, joy and
beauty
that isn't temporary, that will nourish your
soul and make you
feel
human and connected to yourself, is found in realizing that you actually have to try.

Been paddling (Dragon Boating and Outrigging both OC1 and OC6) for just over 10 years now. I have had an amazing time and done things way beyond my dreams and capabilities. I have felt every extreme of paddling [and life and death], the highs and the lows, and everything in between. It does take time and patience and I still feel like I am
Learnig to Fly.. The journey continues in a different way now, but I am still learning and hope I have more in me. To try and be the best I can for me and those around me.

Friday, June 12, 2015

You can’t focus on anything except this pain that you are feeling. That is kind of a beautiful thing. You are always thinking about so many things at the same time, but a lot of athletes I guess use pain to really live in the moment, which is what we are all trying to do anyway.

When a wave breaks, the water is not moving. The swell has travelled great distances but only the energy is moving, not the water. Perhaps time moves through us and not us through it ... the past is in us, and not behind us. Things are never over.

These words are so touching. Not really sure how to say what they make me feel - this photograph of me the day after Jenny died, might say it all? Maybe time did move through me and I am still there - I don't know really, but this photo makes it feel like it - one of those reference points in life. It also reminds me of who I was, who I have become and want to be, which when I think about is the same thing. Not sure what I'm trying to say or how (nothing unusual there). Gladly, it is never over. I have a past, it is who I am. And thankfully, I've stopped trying to be anything else.

And that is pretty much what I have done here these last 6 years. It's certainly been uncomfortable. I've definitely worried about what other people will think and it's been done my way. And the best bit is that I have loved every minute of it. You've Gotta Love It as Patricia would say.

I think the portrait of Jenny captures her character perfectly. I had an A4 print made of it shortly after I took it on Christmas Day in 2006. Joanne bought a nice frame for it and we placed on her Coffin at her Funeral. What better photo to celebrate and reflect on her life.

Before Tim did what he did, I'm pretty sure I did not know what Despair meant. When we left Canberra the day after we said Goodbye, we went to the place he decided to leave us. When I took this photo of myself, this is when I finally understood what Despair meant - it's written all across my face. And more importantly, I found out what it felt. A hard way to learn the meaning of a word. This is Life and we take from it what we can to make us stronger and more resilient.

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

I'm very happy to be around anybody who's engaged in their moment. Shooting gives me new affection for all people. [..]

People are so on guard and used to being photographed. Everybody sets out to look a certain way and it never goes quite how they expect. It's catching those moments in between that makes for an interesting picture.

Nothing the matter with a heavy heart. At least you know you have a heart and that's all you need to live, to be grateful for what you had and to be happy just for that. I realised this a long time ago and it is how I choose to live my life. Today, the first cold day of winter, it shone through a little brighter than normal.