...who am I?

Saturday, September 29, 2012

"Today, I will try my hardest to refrain from disliking someone, whether they "deserve" it or not.
If I can make it through today, maybe tomorrow will be easier."

I wrote that shortly after having become a mother & a family of three. It'd also only been seven months after having gotten married to my wonderful husband. It was a new, scary time. I'd just gotten used to the idea of taking care of someone else, but now I had to be responsible for this new, little life we had created.

Still - I shouldn't have said what I did, especially not about my husband whom I'm supposed to lift up & create a caring, safe environment for.

I was angry, I was dramatic, I was wrong.

Whether you believe it or not, it is my personal opinion that husbands & wives need to do their best to stick together. They need to be on the same team. Of course, that doesn't always mean they agree. But, let's face it - when your teammate makes a play you aren't expecting, you have to change what you're thinking. Often, these things happen so quickly that their team members are forced to make decisions about things they aren't even sure will work. But they do it because they have to.

I, however, don't believe that vows are a less than forever kind of thing. Some people don't mesh - their pieces of the puzzle don't fit together. & that's okay. But no matter what you think about the institution - marriage is hard. It takes work. It's not always the fairy-tale little girls grow up dreaming about. My marriage is no exception to this rule. Although we are (& have always been) a fairly docile, happy couple, that is not to say that sometimes there aren't bumps in the road.

The timeline that's set for couples depends on the couple & what they want out of life. But when you start dating, get engaged, buy a house, get married & have a baby all within two years - things can be...a little more tricky. Both of us knew we wanted to get married & have kids. We talked about it a lot in that first year of being together. The reality of the situation is quite different from the ideas floating around in mine or Dan's head.

Having to adjust to life between all that is difficult. I won't go into detail because it's not my story to tell, but I wasn't the only one in shambles over it. Dan wasn't in a place that he wanted to be, though. He wasn't my husband & he definitely wasn't the father I knew he could be.

It has taken work. Real, hard work. But we have since made up. & made better. Life is forever evolving, changing...going on. & so should a marriage.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

When you find out you're going to be a mom, there are lots of things to research. From all things pregnancy to L&D and finally? Baby gear.

You start with a registry. Some choose to do it online while others choose go to the store with that fun little barcode scanner (or as most guys refer to it - gun) & scan away. But from the beginning - it's clear that there are so, so many options.

So - how do you pick the right one for your family? The options of swings, bottles, ointment, bath wash, etc can be a bit overwhelming. The same thing goes with diapers. Pampers, huggies, store brands. How do you choose?

I'll tell you the story of how I chose - a friend of mine & I were talking about our future children one day. She mentioned cloth diapering. I gave her what I would assume to be a look of disgust, because she felt she needed to explain (& in my mind, she did!).

How much do you spend on a pack of diapers? Well, let's say you prefer Pampers (which is what we used in the hospital & I LOVED - vs the not-so-awesome Huggies we used later at home). In that case, you are in for a little surprise as they are a bit pricey. You can get 204 diapers for $44.99. That's about 22 cents per diaper. The average baby will use 3,000 diapers per year. If your baby is in diapers for three years, that's almost $2,000! & that's just on diapers. Add in wipes & you're shelling out a lot of money for something that's going to sit in a landfill for decades (literally!).

Not only that, but many babies have very sensitive skin. I know my daughter does. Cloth is awesome because it's just like clothing. It has the least amount of irritation on a baby's skin. Disposables aren't made of the greatest materials & they are filled with chemicals.

For a stash of cloth you can spend around $500 & get decent options, especially if you go second hand. It's really economical. They even have plenty of organic options in case that's something you're concerned with. If you're using the diapers for more than one baby, it's definitely worth it. You can also plan to sell the diapers once you're done.

Alas, it's not about judgement or ridicule. It's about what works best for you & your family. I thought cloth might be difficult, but it's really not. Even my husband was worried, but he really loves the cloth now. We are happy with the decision we made & I've never looked back.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

I utter those words, along with many other things related to my exhaustion, daily. The Keurig my husband had to have last Christmas has become my best friend & I am slowly beginning to learn that mom is sometimes spelled z-o-m-b-i-e.

Why, you ask? Well, many of you know I have a small infant. These little beings require lots of time & effort. I knew that when I "signed up" for this gig, but what I did not know was how long I would go without sleep for.

In the same way that no one tells you about many of the things you go through during pregnancy or labor & delivery, no one tells you so many of the things you will go through as a mother. & that's largely because all of these things are different for every mother along with every baby.

For example; One of my closest friends has an (almost) 8 month old. Her baby sleeps wonderfully. & by wonderfully, I mean through the night. Sure, sometimes he's fussy or fights sleep for an hour or two, but he sleeps more than 5 consecutive hours at a time on a daily basis (& that doesn't count growth spurts, wonder weeks, or wakeful cycles). I used to think, "wow, she's lucky." Now I think, "wow, I hate her." Not really, but sometimes I do wish I could be in her shoes.

I think in the past two weeks, I've gotten one night of more than 4 hours at a time of rest. & when I do get that sleep, it's glorious. It gets me through the next few nights of up every 2.

Anyway, the whole reason I'm writing this is because I actually have a second to myself. & it feels good to sit here, in the quiet, & write.

Why do I now enjoy the quiet? Well, my baby is what I would call high needs. She is demanding, exhausting, intense, demanding, unpredictable, etc. No, she is not my friends' babies. She is not quiet or giggly or even remotely satisfiable. She feeds frequently & will tell you what she needs...& not always nicely. She is draining & so, so fussy at times.

They say that high needs babies often come into families that have work to do. The work I think I have to do? Become more patient. & trust me - she is definitely testing my patience. But, God never gives you something you can't handle, right?

So, I've learned to embrace this little spit-fire I've got. Right now, she's all I've got. She made us a family & I will forever be in debt to her for that. So, yes, Elonah...I will pick you up when you cry, give you a bath before bedtime & always give you kisses, even when you refuse them. You are my angel & my little blessing.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

I am obsessed with taking pictures. Last night, my husband & I went to Starbucks. We had two free drinks to get, so we decided yesterday was a good day to use them. After we did so, I decided I wanted to go on a walk. We ended up going to a little park by the lake. & I took pictures.

Picture after picture after picture.

I just cannot get enough. I am trying to start my own photography business right now, so I can use all the practice I can get - even if it means just shooting some ducks or boats. ;)

Also, I've spent the better half of my morning editing photos. I've found that you have to love the computer just as much as you love your camera to do this job - but I'm okay with that. It's a little overwhelming sometimes, but I'm learning.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

What is a spurt, you say? Well, my attention span / creativity level has never been very high. I need a lot to keep me interested. Whether that be a lot of free time or motivation, I just need something to keep me in that mode.

Right now, I'm in a spurt. In just the last week, I have worked on miss E's scrapbook, bought supplies to make her headbands, & made a fall wreath. If I had more time (& energy), I would seriously think about selling something on Etsy.

I would love to be crafty & go to those classes at Michael's. Or just have more time to make cute stuff for my house.

Unfortunately, right now, I'm busy with miss E. & watching one of my good friend's children (who is only a little older than Elonah). & starting my own photography business...and maybe keeping my house clean every once in a while.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Many of you know about Pinterest - a way to save things to boards & view them later. It's kind of like the easy man's version of bookmarks...with pictures.

I don't know about you - but I could spend hours on that wretched site! Lately, though...I've been trying to actually do something based on my time spent there. My husband and I are trying to get healthier, as I wrote about in the e-meal post. Let's face it - now we will have an example to set...

My e-meal covers my dinners. Set, done. Thus, I needed to find a solution for breakfasts as well as lunch. I'm not quite to the lunch portion, yet, but I've found at least one recipe I can use for breakfast. It's called an oatmeal casserole. I chose to do it regular, old-fashioned style, but the recipe actually calls for it to be gluten-free! You can find this recipe here.

The best part? She's a fellow blogger. I found it supportive to help another sister out ;)

I will continue on my hunt for other solutions to meals, but this is one that I'm fairly comfortable with. You cook it in the evening & can have it for breakfast the rest of the week. Beats sugary, refined cereals. The best part was? I had all the ingredients right in my house!

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

I swear, I have a problem with food. I love it. I know this is common - or so many people wouldn't want to find fast, easy solutions to weight loss. & the companies that make diet pills would not make so much money.

Recently, my husband & I decided we had to do something about the way we eat. It isn't healthy & I'm just as tired of asking, "What do you want for dinner?" every night just as much as he is tired of saying he doesn't know.

Our solution is a simple, cheap one. Emeals. It is an online subscription which you pay for to receive a planned meal once a week for every day of the week. The only reason I decided to go with this was because of a group of moms I met that were all due in June (when I was) with their babies. They suggested it once & I was interested at the time, but later it was brought up again. The second time, it was on groupon for 1/2 off. I knew I had just received an e-mail from Groupon about having a $20 coupon. The emeals subscription was on sale for $29. So - I scored it for $9! A whole year's worth of meals...for $9!

Not only was it a cheap solution, it also gave us the opportunity to get healthier. There are tons of fruits & vegetables on there every day. Just tonight, we had spinach, tomatoes, chilles, strawberries & blueberries...in ONE meal!

Now that we have had this for just under two weeks, I have to say, I'm hooked. Dan loves it because it is a nice change compared to the same recipes I would make all the time. There are a few things I know he will still want every now & then that aren't on the list frequently, but I'm excited to start something new & different...and also, to get more healthy doing it!

I would highly recommend this if you have trouble finding things to eat for dinner!