Is anyone else exhausted?

I am committed to doing the hard work. The good days are easy now. But the bad days wear me out. I am so emotionally and mentally and physically exhausted. I talked to my roommate last night and it was helpful, but I am just so tired of all of it. Im just so tired. Im 7 months past d-day. I need a vacation.

After talking to my H about the trigger day (see earlier post) he said he would be supportive, but instead just withdrew into himself and wallowed in his own self hatred. The day before my birthday and my birthday and the day after, he was distant and melancholy. I started beating myself up for bringing it up b/c it had been heaven with him the past few weeks. He was being dominant in bed (which i soooo need to heal) and initiating and sweet all the time and really putting effort in. Then I bring this up- just needed extra support- and instead of getting extra support I got less than if I had said nothing. Dammit. Him being distant on my birthday was hard to deal with. I had to coerce him to have sex with me the morning of my b-day and then that night there was nothing. The next day (we were off 2 days in a row- it never happens) in the afternoon once again I have to beg for it. I hate it. It makes me feel pathetic. Here I am 26 years old laying in bed next to my 27 yr old H wearing a thong, my bra, and my knee high leather boots- and he is completely uninterested.

I think sexual rejection is one of the most psychologically damaging things one spouse can do to another. I dont know what is going on. I know he feels like shit b/c I brought it up again (Jesus! Where has he been the last 2 months!?) and he probably needs to up the dosage of his androgel, but how can it be like a light switch that is on one day and completely off the next? He just lays there and doesnt move when I try and get him in the mood. If he would just freakin get off his back and be passionate towards me I dont think he would have a problem "getting in the mood".

Im just so tired. Sorry guys- just really needed to vent. Everything was so perfect- I thought he was relating his good actions to healing the affair- but not so much. he was just trying to be better period- which is good, i just need him to relate the two things and help support me.

Should I have just let it go and suffered in silence on my first trigger day? I think I should have at this point. My birthday would have been much better.

It&#039;s so hard when the nagging little things crop up during a good span... I do the same thing and my H retreats the same way sometimes. I think with time and direction, these &quot;bad&quot; days or thoughts become easier to handle when he knows what I expect of him. Seven months is still relatively early. You both need time to figure out and guide each other on how to deal with the bad days.

I just don&#039;t know why WE must work so hard to repair THEIR trainwreck! I know if we don&#039;t no one will! i know that! But it annoys the hell out of me anyway!

Don&#039;t get me wrong, I work my ass off too. I have twisted myself into a pretzel trying to be or do or become whatever I wasn&#039;t. I thought we had a really good marriage. But still, I try harder. He tries harder too. Exactly how good does it have to be? How perfect do we have to be?

thanks for understanding guys! It can be amazing for weeks then one bad day happens and it sets him back a month?! If he would just do what I tell him will help I could be over the bad day in a few hours, but instead he drags it out.... Woe is me... Poor me she will never forget it. Poor you! I carry this around everyday! I don&#039;t burden you with my pain every day or even every week. One day I need you to take my pain- just one day- take it for a minute and comfort me and let me feel the burden lift for a moment. Just one moment take my pain so I know you know how bad it feels so you will never even THINK about it again. I need to know you know how deeply this affected me and how traumatizingly devastating this was for me. Is that selfish? Is it pathetic that I feel guilty when he cries over my pain? These feelings are effing crazy! I feel crazy sometimes. I just want him to make the sacrifice of putting himself in a vulnerable position to comfort me even if it opens his eyes to my pain and causes him pain- don&#039;t I deserve for him to make that sacrifice for me? I love him so much it hurts. I WANT to get over this! Why do they think we don&#039;t want to? Do they think we enjoy punishing them? I don&#039;t. It hurts me that he hates himself- but it is selfish of him to put his pain before mine, bc he caused mine. LOL ... Sometimes venting can really help.

Yes I know what you mean. Im only 26. But I feel 36. People always seem surprised when they find out my age on here (not in person- i try to look my age!). I think its the grieving process that ages us- just like dealing with any huge loss. We are all a little wise beyond our years now. I feel like I should write a novel or something. Rebuilding just takes so much time and energy. I watched the oprah show yesterday (the follow up with gary neuman) and one betrayed woman said she felt like she was wearing a heavy cloak and anything extra she &quot;needed&quot; to do for her H felt like pouring water over it. I do feel sometimes like I am wearing a heavy and wet and dragging cloak around. Its very tiring.

Hey Beauty, has he been to the Dr. lately? maybe he needs a rx tweek. It isn&#039;t fair to us, that they(cheaters) end up making us have to make them feel good ! what the heck...But guilt is a harsh, emotion. My H said it kills him to see how badly he hurt me. Some people, esp, guys dont&#039; handle that well, because they want to fix things quickly...Are you both going to counseling? H needs to learn, that he isn&#039;t the victim here and shutting you out is not an option. May need therapy for that concept to sink in though...Sorry things got twisted around on you...HUGS.. and yes, I sometimes just want to leave, tired of working on the mess he created...

OMG I&#039;m exhausted too! I&#039;ve lost 20 pounds since D-Day 2.5 months ago. My H ignored my birthday. He didn&#039;t even say hello to me or anything. SleepingBeauty, you are such a strong woman to stand by your man through so much. Why CAN&#039;T they see how much their actions wound us forever? I don&#039;t know you that well, but you seem like a very confident and wonderful woman. This just sucks.

He has an appointment at the beginning of March. It takes a while for levels to come up so dosing is a little guessing game. I am going to request they up his dose if his levels aren&#039;t normal for his age. He knows he is not the victim and I am- it just pains him to talk about it. But I am not the kind of person who lets him just shut down. I make him talk to me. He is just beating himself up. He isnt taking it out on me, just is retreating into self hatred instead of supporting and comforting me on my rare bad days. We dont have money for counseling right now. I do want to go and hope to start by this summer- but he is reading &quot;After the Affair&quot; again. I dont think he really read it before. I tried reaching out to him yesterday and it worked. We are back to normal. Its a crazy cycle.

I never really want to leave. I am thankful for that b/c I do not EVER question my decision to stay. But it is a heavy burden to bear somedays. Sometimes it feels so good to just let it all out on here. I know there has been talk before about negative posts, and I totally get that there has to be alot of positive to keep us going, but reading about other peoples struggles helps me know that our process is normal and that bad days come and go throughout the whole rebuilding craziness. Its like my hair. I have shoulder length hair now ( i had long hair but then I accidentally left the color on too long and it fried the ends) but I miss my long hair, so I wear clip in extensions some days. I always get compliments and I feel obligated to tell these women who compliment me that it is fake. I dont want anyone to think that I am perfect or dont have problems. Lol- that sounds crazy, but I feel like I am putting on a front that women may envy and I must tell them they can have beautiful long hair too! lol... ebay baby!

A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...

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