Tuesday, November 7, 2006

We have decided that our midterm Erection Bukkake will now last the entire week. For this vote, choose three of the following ten players listed. Cast your vote in the comments. You may not vote more than once. Electoral fraud could shift the balance of power in the Fantasy Shithouse from douchebags to assbags unfairly, and we can't let that happen. Polls close at a yet to be determined hour. Results at the end of the week or early next week.

Shaun Alexander:Crimes: Drafted #1 overall in many leagues, Alexander has played sparingly and underperformed when in the lineup. Foot healed by Jesus, who apparently does not have a specialty in orthopedics. Wife has pancake ass.

Chad Johnson:Crimes: Continually underperforms despite being perfectly healthy and capable. Infrequent TD celebrations have been unimaginative at best. Being black does not make him exempt from the rule that any guy named Chad is a complete assbag.

Daunte Culpepper:Crimes: Injured. Shitty. Best season was recent enough to be a complete cocktease. Couldn't read a defense even if he had a teleprompter installed in his helmet.

Lamont Jordan:Crimes: Plays for horrific team. May be benched for independent Jewish running back Lieberman Jordan.

Cadillac Williams:Crimes: Emulates hero Curtis Martin by averaging .0008 yards per carry. Actually managed to overtake Mike Alstott as the most overrated runner in Bucs history.

Edgerrin James:Crimes: Offensive line is not who he thought they was. Big signing bonus means he eat rots of Benihana food rate at night.

Reggie Bush:Crimes: Being the next Peter Warrick. Repeatedly mistaking the sideline for the end zone.

Domanick Davis:Crimes: Did you hold your draft sometime in mid-August? Yeah? Then fuck this guy. Am I right?

Kurt Warner, Drew Bledsoe:Crimes: Making you think they weren't washed up when they really have been for ages, but were surrounded by enough skill position talent that you thought maybe, JUST maybe they'd find some old magic and produce great numbers. But they fucking sucked like they always do and now you're in last place because you had to start Bruce Gradkowski last week. I mean, fuck. Seriously. Fuck.

Wow, you actually put a couple white guys on there huh? Yeah they are the most obvious in the world but it's amazing to me that they are even listed. Couldn't find at least a few more brothas to throw under the bus? I know you can. Oh, BTW you're wrong being black does make him exept from the Chad name thing, didn't you get that memo?

Posts chastizing my pointing out that you seem a little biased in 3,2...................

Rothliswhatever has fuckin sucked, Carson Palmer hasn't exactly set the world on fire, Bulger hasn't done much, Delhomme has been quite pedestrian, Li'l Manning ain't shit. All these guys were probably high fantasy picks (i don't play that shit so I'm not 100% sure) and none of them have been too productive for a fantasy team owner why did none of them make the list? I apologize that the only white guys I could think of were QB's, if you know of any playing the skill positions that would be big in fantasy football, please enlighten me. Is Kevin Curtis a huge fantasy pick? if so how has he been? Bennett, Looker, Stokley, Welker?? Hello?? Anybody?? I tried to think of some running backs but that would require extensive research, are there any this season, backups even?

Big Ben could be considered a bust, but he wasn't a very highly regarded fantasy QB to begin with. Unfortunately, the most disappointing players in fantasy this year just also happen to be black. And I think we all know what that means.

As a nonvoting DC resident, it gives me great pleasure to take part in this. 1) Shawn Alexander2) Chad Johnson3) Daunte CulpepperThese were the most disappointing black players on the list that this white fantasy team owner living below the Mason-Dixon Line could find.

Appropos of nothing, but I totally want that Mr. Glass figurine/doll/action figure. Not only was he a completely badass character,(in an oddly unbadass movie) but in a few years when M. Night Shamalamadingdong's head explodes from the pressure of his own ego, it totally skyrocket in value. It'll be worth hundreds of dollars.

ok, well fine I guess I can't be upset when the list is predominatly black when we DOMINATE the sport, whatever. BTW, I saw that Borat flick and it was funny as hell, I'll put it in my top ten funniest flicks of all time but as I suspected Friday is still funnier, too many funny people in one flick compared to just one very funny cat.

Randy Moss. It's unreal how much of a non-factor he's been. I traded him straight up for Andre Johnson in the begining of the season and got mercilessly mocked. Now AJ is leading the league in yards reiving and Moss ... has a juice shop?

All three of these bastards were picked in order on an auto draft wound up on my fuckin' team. What did I ever do to anyone? Thank God I'm a genius with astute acumen and was able to pull my team into 4th place, playoff eligible.

BTW, Chad is the whitest, black guy name of all time. I'm surprised he went with ocho cinco. Should have been Vlad Johnson, or something. Come on, Chad! You're creative and innovative!

Chad Johnson and Daunte Culpepper, for lifetime achievement in douchebaggery, if nothing else. And Drew Bledsoe, for suddenly turning into such a giant pussy that Tony Romo is a better alternative. Not that I'd draft a Cowboy.

It's not Shaun Alexander's fault they put him on the cover of Madden. And while it is Kurt Warner's fault he's a used douche, anyone who drafted him should have known better.

UM, Delhomme has been worse than pedestrian. He was (I believe) my 2nd round pick (Alexander was my first). I saved my season by trading Joe Horn for Drew Brees and picking the Saints D and Robbie Gould off of Waivers. Long story short, fuck Delhomme and Alexander right in their poopy holes.