If somebody took a time machine back to 1946 and told King George VI that one day his daughter would take part in a stunt that made it appear as if she was jumping out of a helicopter and that this would be hailed in the media as a turning point in the British monarchy's uphill effort to rebrand itself as "hip," he would have waved his scepter (he didn't have a scepter) and scoffed because that's the noise monarchs make when they think something is so absurd that the absurdity isn't even worth articulating. "But, seriously, King George, — may I call you George? — everyone is going to go ape-shit when your 86-year-old daughter fake-jumps out of a helicopter and then makes out [sort of holds hands] with Daniel Craig. Not that she couldn't have totally made out with Daniel Craig if she wanted to..."

Queen Elizabeth II appeared to jump out of a helicopter and flutter to the earth at the end of a Union Jack parachute as part of her arrival at the Olympics and to help promote one of the U.K.'s biggest exports — vaguely misogynistic spies who wear nice watches. Polls show that the Queen is still extremely popular among English, Scots, Welsh and Irish, and her stunt, designed to delight her subjects, comes at a time when the U.K. is facing one of its worst economic slumps since the Great Depression. A Scottish soldier working at the Olympics gushed (even though he's not really allowed to speak to the media) about the opening ceremony, "She [the Queen] was the best bit. I think it shows the people another side to her. I think the people love her but since the Jubilee and after this a lot of people see just what a wonderful queen she is."

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Meanwhile, ensconced in his moth-eaten bathrobe and eating a stale scone, Prince Charles languished in his bed this morning, thinking about how hard he would have scowled at the downtrodden masses had he been the presiding sovereign during these summer games.