Monthly Archives: September 2016

Celebrating life not death
( why a celebration of life without a traditional funeral may be appropriate )
For some people church , ceremony , family tradition and various other reasons make a traditional ceremony in a recognised building the most appropriate way to give thanks for the life of the deceased .

But buildings , ritual , ceremony ( and the connected expenses ) are not for everyone .

I’m paraplegic , and write now with the para Olympics , people , even total strangers keep asking me what my sport is . I don’t have one , I’m not sporty . In the same way not all wheelchair users are para Olympians , I have been pondering recently the concept that not all deaths need result in a funeral .

What then do we do with the body ( I’m sure some nihilists long for yet another coloured bag from the council , in which the dead can be put out on rubbish collection day ) . whoever we are , however our life has gone , their is an energy in life that seems to cry out for celebration within death .

I don’t want to dwell on the financial implications , so let’s just say a direct funeral , where there is no ceremony at the crematorium or anywhere else will cost you roughly half what a ceremonial based funeral will cost . So somewhere downwards approximately of £2000 pounds .
With this the emphasis shifts to celebration and this could take place anywhere or no where , with or without words . Gathered round the juke box in a favourite pub or looking out to sea at a familiar family spot . It may however be a huge deal , a party , a festival , a bike rally or the annual caravan club convention . What it won’t be is conventional , anything but , no somber suits , no uncomfortable behaviour .

As an experienced celebrant I work with you to achieve a celebration of life that resonates deeply with the deceased and their life experiences . Effectively you are employing me for a brief period around the death of your loved one, to manage planning and delivering a celebration of their life, at a time when you may be hurting and energy levels are low . It may also be appropriate that I offer ongoing support through the bereavement process in some instances and we can explore this further .

You may be puzzled as to what happens with the body . Simply put , arrangements will be made for it to be collected from your home by a funeral director , and taken in a simple and dignified way to the crematorium , to be cremated at an undisclosed time slot with no friends or relatives present . The ashes will then be made available to the next of kin to collect .

Again as your celebrant , I will work with you to help you decide the what , when and where to do with the ashes . I can plan an occasion as simple or complex as you like to appropriately and enjoyably scatter or burry these earthly remains . This may happen at the same time as the celebration of the decease ‘s life or possibly on another occasion , weeks , months or even years into the future .

The important thing here is the freedom of choice and the freedom from tradition . My primary role is to be alongside and support you as the next of kin through the journey of bereavement . To help you find words or silence , pictures and music , places and people to gather together into a colourful celebration of all that it has ever meant to have lived .

selective mutes are intelligent gifted people . Over the last 12 months I’ve worked very closely with three selective mutes on a one to one basis and with a group of four people two of whome are selective mute .

sometimes this condition goes hand in hand with neuro diversity , autistic spectrum , Down’s syndrome . Sometimes it’s a result of deep hurt and years of not being listened to , assumptions about your ability or intelligence . In one case I worked with a man who’d been institutionalised and treated with so little value that he’d been waiting 30 years in emotional turmoil without the tools to share what was in the depth of his mind and soul .

Solutions to selective mutism can be simple or complex . Simple permission to remain silent when you need or want to and to create a culture around you that respects that . Simple computer apps enabling text speak , simple cards to point at when words are note needed . Friendships , gestures , people who just know intuitively what you mean .

More complex solutions when I work with selective mutes from my base on Canvey island , at their location or via Skype , or venues in London , can include communication through music ( conversations via playing the piano work well ) . Art from finger painting , to fine art , sculpture to vintage photography , build confidence , process thought and enable new forms of dialogue .

we use play , brats dolls and action men , make friends with the inner child . Find safe and comfortable and at times regressive leading to progressive methods of feeling safe and comfortable letting go of stress and anxiety ” security blankets are metaphorical and physical , sometimes childlike and soft sometimes adult like and tough leather .

Commonly within three to six weeks I find my selective mute clients starting to use their voices as part of the journey of re exploring and re ordering their communication . The important part of my technique is choice . I don’t use behaviour modification therapy , I don’t force or manipulate , I offer tools and choice .

The tools I use with selective mutes also work well when supporting people with social anxiety and other struggles such as eating disorder and various dysphorias .

Im lgbtqi friendly , BDSM aware , and non binary experienced .

Book life coaching art therapy and creative sessions by ringing 07786 652286

I charge for my time on a sliding scale depending on your income and we discuss this when we first meet. This will be from the minimum wage upwards and is based on your hourly income and outgoings. It's up to your honesty and this forms part of the process. I am also able to take payment in kind, help with gardening, dog walking, home repairs, driving, the cooking of dinner in exchange for my time,