Star Trek: Confusion Meets Fun

1. I was quite proud that Iowa was part of the movie’s setting. But it seems that in 300 years the terrain will change quite a bit. In fact, a Grand Canyon-sized canyon will develop near Riverside, Iowa (no canyons or even small defiles, escarpments, or cliffs are currently on display in Riverside). So, can somebody explain the scene in which the clearly-underage Jim drives that red corvette, eludes a robot cop, and nearly plummets over the edge of a massive canyon wall? Where did this canyon come from? Did Old Mans Creek get really big (miles across), really deep (miles deep) then evaporate? You know what I think? I think that this is first and foremost a movie about the degradation of the environment due to unwise techno-agriculture policies. Do you hear that Washington? Shape up, or J.J. Abrams will mock you, shock you, and, finally, Spock you.

2. What happened to that slug that Capt. Pike ate? Did he give up the information? What happened to the slug? Is it still inside him? I mean, Jim busts in to save him and barely a second goes by and Pike is killing the bad guys. That slug keeps me up at night. At the end of the movie, when we see Pike in the wheel chair, is he hiding the slug under his blanket? And what happened to his legs anyway?

3. How did Spock get to the cold planet? And how did he get to that cave? Okay, I get it, I mean Spock has the benefit of being from the future, right? But, seriously, if he does know that Jim will get jettisoned to this planet at that spot, at that exact moment, then why “allow” him to almost get killed by that polar bear and then almost get killed by that red creature and then almost get killed by the fall down that cliff. So, it seems that if Spock did know all that, then he was not afraid of a wee bit of revenge. I’ll save you ol’ pal, but not before a little payback.

4. I know that it is no excuse that I saw the movie only once, but can someone explain the time travel situation to me?

5. What happened to young Jim’s mom? Did I miss that too? Or did she start a meth lab in outside of Riverside, Iowa, and then get busted, thus sending Jim into the tailspin of reckless behavior, skirt-chasing, and the continual desire to get his face punched in as many times as possible?

I think that in these 5 questions (more like 18, I know) we find both plot summary and evaluation: Lot’s of action, not much narrative sense.

But when I need to make sense, I will look elsewhere. In fact I look to a fine newspaper in Iowa City for news and analysis: The Iowa City Press-Citizen. Especially I will look to the sense-makers who regularly opine on deep matters, like this guy (me). Oh, and I am responding to this editorial by the way.

While I’m at it, I often look at the Des Moines Register for their guest opinionators. Why? Because they recently accepted one of my opinions. You can check it out HERE.

And don’t be shy about writing back with answers to my Start Trek questions. I know that I have a lot to learn about Trekology.