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Sunday, March 15, 2015

Now the Doubt Comes

This isn't my first go round in the publishing world. Last year at this time I was trying to regain my rights of several books and was blessed that the friends I made during that time helped me out. But whether I am self-publishing, with a publisher, or writing a paper for a class that same feeling of self doubt comes creeping in. I follow many authors on facebook and twitter and when I see their successes I celebrate too, but then I wonder...am I wasting my time? I have about a week of asking myself this question and today while cleaning out a bag I found a folded up note. A note I wrote almost eight years ago. And it reminded me why I write.I titled it: It's My Life and I am Going to LaughI sit in my mini van waiting to pick up my kids and I try to open my eyes to the world around me. Literally open them and take in the beauty surrounding me. Mountains, spring flowers, all the colors. So often I have focused on the now and the next activity and bypass all the beauty of the world. Seeing is a gift.I should preface this with the fact there isn't a beginning or an end to this story. You see I am a teacher by trade, a mom, and a wife. Two weeks ago I was told I couldn't work anymore. I have a n illness that prevents me from returning to the environment I was in. So now I sit back and ask myself...why had God put this opportunity before me. At first I thought it was so I could sleep, but when you have an infinite opportunity to do something...you don't really want to do it anymore. I moved to the next possibility. Maybe it was so I could be a better mom? During my illness I was unable to take care of my family and maybe this was a chance to do that. But after I cleaned and organized and cooked--that wasn't it either. The family appreciated my attempt but my mom status didn't improve. Then one day I was listening to Positive Life Radio and a song spoke to me. It was called Seize the Day, and God told me to write. But about what?
Post 2 coming soon