• Thursday, October 25 10:22 a.m. A man in blue jeans, a ripped green hoodie, with “scruffy” facial hair and carrying a pizza box came into a non-skeezy Valley West hotel demanding the best rate and room. He seemed confused as he spoke of medieval times, frightening someone there. He then left in an unknown direction, but soon called back to tell the hotel staff that they were mistaken in not giving him a room because he was a millionaire. He said he’d be back at 3 p.m.

11:33 a.m. A traveler, complete with long, gray jacket and cane, was arrested at the community pool after allegedly offering hash to a girl who was swimming there.

5:31 p.m. Perhaps future historians will ascertain why a man at a Valley West bus stop had both his hands down in his pants. And for that matter, why he wore a white flannel shirt with black tennis shoes.

• Friday, October 26 1:03 a.m. A half dozen or so celebrants at a wingding in a Union Street apartment building drank, balcony-peed and neighbor-front-door-prank-knocked the night away.

8:24 a.m. “You will remember my decayed body,” read the e-mail, which also mentioned an open field. Soon, a troubled person was en route to a mental health facility.

11:06 a.m. A lodger in a low-expectations Valley West motel’s lobby had a patience-trying telephone conversation with his elderly father, made worse by the desk clerk disrespectfully listening in on the call. This supposed eavesdropping made him very, very upset with the motel employee.

11:21 a.m. A man had “issues” with his cousin, foremost among them that the cuz had threatened to shoot his brother in the head. The troubled cousin was committed to a mental health facility.

12:01 p.m. Losses from a Buttermilk Lane burglary included a rust-colored, pump-action 12-gauge shotgun, a Savage Wood/Brown high-powered handgun and several men’s and women’s watches.

3:27 p.m. A man down and defunct in an F Street gutter was in danger of being struck by a car. He had a traffic warrant out of San Bernadino, was arrested and taken to the drunk tank.

4:10 p.m. After a multi-car accident at Samoa Boulevard and H Street, one driver was arrested for DUI.

8:48 p.m. A woman returned to her D Street home to find a glass door smashed, but nothing stolen.

• Saturday, October 27 7:04 a.m. Multiple persons were reported on top of a trailer on Lewis Avenue, attempting to steal the air conditioning unit. They scattered as police arrived.

7:55 a.m. A G Street business and a neighboring home were vandalized in the night.

8:45 a.m. A yard in the 400 block of F Street was “destroyed” by someone who pulled up and tore apart the plants there.

9:08 a.m. Another G Street business was ravaged, with car mirrors broken off and power tampered with.

9:31 a.m. Plants and trees were vandalized on Fifth Street, and a car ransacked.

10:08 a.m. A bunch of cannabis trim was dumped at 13th and Union streets.

11:51 a.m. A man dressed in black set a paper plate on fire at a Ninth Street hardware store, then wandered off, making nonsensical statements.

12:24 p.m. A Farmers’ Market shopper returned to his car just off the Plaza to find a note claiming that he had struck another car, and if he didn’t respond to the note, “Action would be taken against him.” But he hadn’t damaged any other vehicles, and the note had only a Post Office box address, no phone number.

1 p.m. A man and woman with a bloody forehead argued yellingly outside a Sixth Street apartment building, and the witness said the man held an arrow to the woman’s head. He was arrested for public drunkenness, she on outstanding warrants and their van was towed.

1:40 p.m. “I’m going to kill you” screamed a woman’s voice in a field south of Ariel Way.

5:04 p.m. After an orgiastic bout of smoking, drinking and harassing customers on the sidewalk outside a Valley West restaurant, six sitabouts were dispersed. Something called “Brazzell” was warned away on pain of trespass.

5:17 p.m. A woman tried on multiple outfits at a Plaza clothing store, then left without buying anything. An employee then found four empty hangers in a dressing room.

• Sunday, October 28 11:38 p.m. A man wearing sunglasses tried to steal a woman’s cat on the Plaza, then whapped her on the leg with his walking stick.

• Tuesday, October 30 9:18 a.m. A small H Street business reached a tipping point with the slouchabouts who smoke, drink and socialize in the parking lot and alley. Following complaints, several slouchers swarmed the business, entering inside to declare that they had not been smoking and drinking at the beginning of the previous week and frightening the staff. Later, while walking to her car, an employee was verbally harassed by several of the not-smoking-or-drinking hangarounders, one of whom bellowed, “That’s the girl who always calls the cops!” The building was subsequently graffiti-tagged.

12:45 p.m. An L.K. Wood Boulevard resident returned home to find that $300 cash inside a brass canister had been stolen from his unlocked bedroom.

2:56 p.m. A woman said that every morning when she runs on the forest trails, a horny old man makes unsolicited sexual comments and advances to her. “I’d like to do something illegal to you,” quipped the randy codger, something the woman didn’t find charming in the least. Police left a message at the man’s house.

• Wednesday, October 31 12:29 p.m. A woman with a bloody face asked for medication inside a Uniontown pharmacy, but later someone figured out that it may have been a Halloween costume.

2:14 p.m. An unsavory man was reported staying in local motels and selling drugs. He reportedly told his girlfriend that he planned to “cut off her hands.”

9:22 p.m. A man dressed as a Secret Service agent brought an assault rifle and ammo clip down to the rowdy Plaza, which police didn’t think such a great idea. Officers took the weapon from him for safekeeping.

9:28 p.m. A man at a downtown yogurt shop talked about having two young girls at his house, then asked when the store closed and “what kind of favors the [employee] would do for him.” He said he’d be back at closing time.

9:54 p.m. Left unattended for two hours, a 12th Street home was burgled of three computers and cash, leaving multiple victims.

11:52 p.m. A lower H Street resident called and asked which dispatcher he was talking to. Told it was APD and asked what he needed, he hung up.

11:57 p.m. A lower H Street resident called police saying that his roommate was calling him names. Asked the roommate’s name, he hung up. He then called back to say that the roommate had gone to his room and closed the door, but was yelling and calling him names. Told response would be delayed (due to downtown Halloween enforcement), he hung up.

• Thursday, November 1 12:30 a.m. Someone called from a Plaza bar complaining that a homeless man was preventing him from retrieving his glasses.

12:43 p.m. A man in a gray hoodie was reported taking “upskirt” photos at the donut shop. He wasn’t found.

1:55 a.m. A man dressed as a doctor was reported trying to start fights in front of a Plaza hotel.

2:45 a.m. A shaven-headed Batman was reported being aggressive outside the donut shop.

4:26 a.m. An ambulance carried away a 31-year-old man who had mixed sleeping pills and alcohol.

9:41 a.m. A man spending Halloween with his girlfriend said his estranged wife came and took his truck, which had in the back his tools and checks for $12,300.

12:21 p.m. After a woman with a big purse and her two daughters visited a Plaza store, a $135 garment went missing. This is the third time merchandise disappeared when she visited, and all three were banished from the store.