Tag: When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong

It has finally happened. After years of mocking everything from ugly t-shirts to stupid tattoos, I have found something that has genuinely left me speechless. This god-awful McDojo demonstration featuring a “Taekwondo” “blackbelt” repeatedly trying (and failing, obviously) to break a board has me at a loss for words. From the nervous laughter from spectators throughout the video to the Mac from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia-esque form that the guy kicks with to the chunk of wood that flies off the board and hits a little girl halfway through the video, the only thing I can think of writing to go with this involves a series of completely unrelated GIFs with “Write your own damn jokes, comments section.” at the end.

During the fifth round of the bout, Zuniga began to finally crack Arnett’s counterpunch-heavy style, backing Arnett up against the ropes as he unleashed his hardest punches. Sensing his opponent was in trouble, Zuniga was all about trading haymakers, while Arnett was more interested in silly things like defense, counter left hooks and not getting his ass kicked. Clearly frustrated, Zuniga decided that his best option in this situation was to channel his inner Harold Howard, signaling for his opponent to “COME ON!” while he let Arnett off the ropes.

I’m not here to fault Zuniga for attempting a mid-fight Harold Howard tribute. Hell, I don’t think anyone reading this is here to do that. But…if you’re telling your opponent to “come on,” can you at least do it in a stereotypically Canadian accent? And for crying out loud, please don’t immediately get knocked the fuck out, either. Especially if you attempt zero cartwheel kicks in the process.

Picture this: You’re a young, wannabe rock star who just so happens to be named Eddie Van Halen. Even worse, you just so happen to LOVE playing heavy metal guitar, and truly believe that all the comparisons to the man himself and requests to play “Eruption” ad nauseam will be worth it when you finally step on stage to accept your Grammy.

So you find yourself a decent crew of bandmates, practice your ass off, and finally convince yourself that you are ready for a shot at the big time. Before you know it, you find yourself opening for Alice Cooper at the Wacken Open Air festival in front of an endless sea of eager spectators. You only get one song to blow the collective minds of the masses and it’s an easy choice: a cover of Pantera’s “Cowboys From Hell.”

You step onto the stage and unleash a whammy bar dive that channels the spirit of the almighty Dimebag Darrell himself, but just as you are about to bellow “Awwwwww COME ON!”, an ill-timed current surges through your microphone and knocks you unconscious. You release your bowels all over your brand new Gibson Les Paul Standard, and even worse, a video of the incident becomes a viral sensation within hours, forever shaming you to a lifetime spent reminiscing about the night you played a spot-on rendition of “Eruption” with your large intestine.

Matt Phinney, perhaps better known to most of you as that funny coach that drove Michael Bisping bugshit insane in the leadup to his fight with Jorge Rivera, will make his pro MMA debut this month for World Championship Fighting. Phinney brings a strong amateur boxing background to the fight with two Golden Gloves titles to his name, something he explains has made it difficult to actually get a fight signed. “I’ve been trying to take an MMA fight for a while now, but there aren’t many guys looking to take a fight with a first timer with a strong boxing background,” Phinney says.