Wednesday, January 28, 2009

I am abnormally distressed by normal occurrences apparently. My last BCP was on Saturday and from my decade's worth of experience with the pill, I know that my period should come Wednesday.

Sunday I'm fine, but still waiting anxiously.

Monday I'm very closely examining the TP and getting nervous. I have to remind myself that's it's still 2 days off.

Tuesday I'm obsessively going the bathroom every 5 minutes and forcing the TP places it shouldn't go so that I can examine it CSI style for microscopic traces of blood. I contemplate POASing but decide I should wait to use FMU. Remind self again that it's not even suppose to be here till Wednesday.

Wednesday morning, good thing I'm too tired to remember the FMU and POAS thoughts from last night. Examine TP... AF did not come in the night. (However, the Trogdor Comes In The Night!)

Wednesday mid morning, discharges are increasing and I squish my tush around in my chair kinda perversely to make sure that things still "feel right". Drink lots of water so that I need to go to the bathroom often. In the bathroom, do kegels to coax out what ever is there. Is that brownish discharge or just regular off-white discharge? I have wiped a layer of skin off my crotch by now and decide to wait till I have to pee again to check more.

Wednesday early lunch, tempted to shove a tampon up there (and pull it back out) just to confirm that she's on her way. Force self to wait a little longer.

Wednesday a little after noon -THE EAGLE HAS LANDED- Perfectly on schedule. Today is officially CD 1 now. And to put a cherry on top, I had a cramp. Yes, it is on now, bitch (referring to AF here).

Part of the reason I was so nervous is that I made my u/s and RE appt on Monday for Thursday and if my body was ever going to defy me seems like now is the time.

Normally I just schedule a u/s but this time I felt an RE consult was important too. I have a list of questions made. But I'm about a moment away from a panic attack, cause I'm 99% sure that SOB is still there. He should be gone by now! This wasn't suppose to be an issue by now. Still hoping for a good outcome, but I won't be surprised if I don't hear what I want to tomorrow.

If the cyst is still there, I'm going to try to get my gall bladder out next month so at least I won't have to deal that issue just in case we actually do get pregnant.

If the cyst is gone, I have practiced the following phrase for my RE, "I WANT TO OVULATE THIS CYCLE. MAKE IT HAPPEN!" Do you think that is clear enough for a doctor to understand?

I am starting to feel a little neurotic too! I'm waiting for AF (after prometrium) to show so I can start my next round of clomid...I totally get the "checking and pushing the tampon up there to see if there is anything, wiping and constant trips to the bathroom...etc..." that is me every day! I feel like I've never wanted AF more! Good luck with your appointments!

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About Me

I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 15. I fought my infertility and gave birth to a beautiful baby boy January 2010. These days I still write about infertility some but mostly I write about my baby and life in general.