Sharing inspiration and insights as I journey through grief after the loss of my husband to suicide

Enchanted by the Past: Caught In The Perpetual Waves Of Grief

While we are caught in the perpetual waves of grief we are called to go deep, to determine what we are made of. In the process, learning who we are as a spirit or soul and why we are here. Always holding in our consciousness that we are much more than this personality self. Much more than this story line that we are participating in.

We are miners digging for gold. Finding all the gems that we have kept hidden from others and yes even ourselves. Grieving holds an opportunity, if we allow it, for our soul’s purpose to become activated, bubbling to the surface, illuminated in ways that would not have been possible otherwise. This experience has been designed on a soul level. It serves as a catalyst to propel us into this new existence, this new way of perceiving the world and our place in it. Embrace it. Allow it to form and shape you. We must let go of all that we thought we were. We cannot go back. Holding on to the past only brings us pain and suffering; our salvation is in the present. The longing for what was only keeps us stuck and frozen like a deer in the headlights from what is.

Our memories play and replay. In desperation we hold on to every small detail, keeping us from engaging with the sweetness that only the present moment can offer. We can easily get lost in this memory mining. It can feel comforting at times of course. However, we can become enchanted with this searching for connection to our loved ones through the pictures in our minds. It’s as if by doing this we believe we are somehow bringing them back to life. But then we snap out of it and realize they are gone, never to return. We are left with that painful realization, leaving us with a gaping hole so big we feel desperate to fill it. So, we keep the memory replay on automatic pilot, hoping that somehow we can refill that empty space with each installment.

Here’s the secret though: when we can break the cycle of our incessant memory replays then we are truly free to be present in this moment. We can grieve without the suffering. We have more space to breathe, have more space to create our new reality, our new life. We are not stuck in the past. We are alive and we are free, just where our beloved ones want us to be.

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