WRITER

Trampled Under

One thing that separates Robert Plant from the rest of us, besides his incredible singing ability, is the fact that he can’t stop talking about love, while the rest of us can.

I’ve always wondered about this. Why can’t he stop talking about love? What happened to cause the condition in the first place? Is there a name for the disorder? I’m guessing it’s treatable, otherwise, when I saw him on Letterman a few years back, he wouldn’t have been able to stop talking about it, yet as I recall he did stop talking about it a lot. But man, what a struggle it must have been in the 1970s when, for sure, he just couldn’t stop talking about love.

I believe this subject deserves to be explored in a book, which I’m strongly considering writing. I’m thinking it should be titled something like “Plant Love” so that gardeners’ husbands might inadvertently order the book at the last minute for Mother’s Day (surprise, honey!). I have to check to see if there is already a book called “Plant Love.” Hang on.

I’m back. Amazon tells me there’s no such book. There is, however, “CARGO PlantLove Celebrity Lipstick” (sounds awesome!). Still, I think I’m safe. So the book: I’ll pretend to be the writer and then you guys pretend to read it. No, you don’t have to actually read it! (But, sorry, you do have to buy it.) Here’s the pitch to publishers I’m working on:

Chapter 1: Among the rarest conditions known to man.

Chapter 2: What’s it called again (in plain English, not latin!)?

Chapter 3: Tangential Detour: Latin phraseology is a pain!

Chapter 4: Robert Plant’s Teen Years - First signs of trouble concerning talking about love.