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Usually we're all giddy about spa openings, but sometimes even we have to stop and say, no, really? Phit, a 58th Street newbie (as seen in today’s Times' Thursday Styles section), is a … different kind of spa. Because it’s for your below-the-belt region, and we ain’t talkin' bikini waxes. It's a "gyno spa." Wait a second, let it hit you. Yes, we said gyno spa.

Basically, you book an appointment at Phit — which stands for Pelvic Health Integrated Techniques — to check if your goodies are too tight, loose, strong, or weak for overall "pelvic fitness." To put it bluntly, you go to Phit to tone your vag. For example, one of their vaginal-rejuvenation treatments is called "The Other Face Lift." Go ahead, fill in the blanks. The founder, gynecologist Dr. Lauri Romanzi, tells the Times her treatments are "the dental floss of feminine fitness." We just crossed our legs even more.

We have issues with this. See, "gyno spa" and "pelvic fitness" are medically-unfounded terms, hence the overusage of (very necessary) air quotes. Also, Phit's being marketed to Suzie Shopgirl in terms of one-stop shopping to beautify and rejuvenate the skin within. For example, Phit's signature treatment tests your vaginal strength by Romanzi sticking her finger up there while you squeeze. Too much information? Absolutely. And she charges $150 for that action. That's actual insertion, which takes "spa" experiences to a whole other level compared to an awkward-yet-necessary bottoms-up Brazilian wax.

Then, the fact that Phit is called a spa only twists the knife. Surely, we should let Romanzi know that all spas are not created equal. Would you voluntarily walk into a torture chamber with stirrups and jelly? There's a reason why women find it hard enough to visit the gyno once a year. And a spa is relaxing. This? Not so much. Just call it anything but spa. What about something more medical, like The Labia Lab? We hear that store name isn't taken yet. —Sharon Clott