Machete will be an expansion of a fake trailer that appeared in the 2007 film Grindhouse. It tells the story of Machete, played by Danny Trejo, a Mexican immigrant who is hired to assassinate a U.S. senator, only to be double-crossed and almost killed, so he seeks revenge by kidnapping the senator’s family and killing everyone he can.

Joining Lindsay in Machete is a real who’s who of Hollywood fame including Robert De Niro, Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez, Steven Seagal, Cheech Marin and Don Johnson. Yah, Cheech Marina and Robert De Niro are in a movie together. My life is almost complete.

I’m very happy for Lindsay. After watching her practically throw her life away time after time, I hope she’s actually going to get her shit together. Or she won’t and will continue to do odd things like spray the paparazzi with a plant mister. Don’t believe me? Check out the pics.

Gallery Info: Lindsay Lohan cleans up the paparazzi by spraying them with a plant mister on her way home from Bardot lounge.