Giving your spouse the motivation to work on the relationship

It can be difficult dealing with a spouse that is no longer
motivated in the marriage and shows no signs of wanting to improve
the relationship. When one partner becomes isolated from the
other and there is no communication it can be very frustrating.

Some partners will come home from a day of work, turn on
the TV and tune out the rest of the world. It appears as though
the spouse has given up on the relationship and shows no sign
of wanting to work things out. If you are in such a situation
and feel that you may be on the verge of losing your partner,
you're not alone. A lot of marriages go through this type of
situation for various reasons and there is a way to work through
it.

Here are some suggestions you can use to help you get through
to your spouse and help your marriage get back on track.

1. Breaking through the barrier

This can indeed be the hardest part and once you have broken
through the barrier and able to reach your partner you can then
start communicating. Sometimes you will need to have a marriage
counselor to get this to happen. A counselor will sit down with
the both of you and for a brief amount of time you will have
your partner’s full attention. This can be particularly helpful
if you find that you cannot even get your spouse's attention
for a few minutes to talk about the relationship.

There are cases where a marriage counselor can help turn
a marriage that is falling apart into a marriage with hope.
Just putting a spark of hope into the partner that has withdrawn
can lead to good results.

There was once a fire between the two of you and even if
the flames are no longer there are still embers burning. There
are ways to bring a dying ember back into a flaming fire once
again if you know how to do it properly. A marriage counselor
has been trained to do this effectively and it may be time to
ask for help if you find that you cannot do it on your own.

2. If your spouse refuses counseling

If you have spoken to your spouse and you cannot come to
an agreement to go to marriage counseling you'll have to try
some things on your own. Let your partner know that you still
care and would like to improve your marriage. Ask your spouse
how he/she feels about your feelings and your hope for improving
your marriage. At this point you may be able to ask your spouse
for help. Find out if he/she wants to be a part of the solution
and what could possibly be done.

This allows your spouse to have input on the situation without
feeling threatened. Make sure that you don't get involved with
any type of blame game during the discussion and try to stay
focused on the solutions instead of delving too deeply into
the problems.

3. Get back to the basics

At one point you were both friends before you became married
partners. Try to revive your friendship without thinking in
terms of romance or love. Try to become your partner's best
friend before concentrating on the marriage.

When you're dealing with your spouse try to think along the
lines of a friendship. Look at the way you are dealing with
your interactions and decide whether this is the way a true
friend would act or not. There may be things that you are doing
at your end that can be corrected. This puts a whole new perspective
on the relationship and you may just find that putting the basic
friendship back into place is the building block you need to
revitalize your marriage.

It is going to take effort on both of your parts to rebuild
the marriage. The first thing that needs to be done is to have
the agreement on both ends that it is worth fixing. By using
the suggestions above you'll find that you'll be able to reach
the point where you can talk about the marriage and whether
both of you are on the same track towards fixing it.

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