You know when you get frustrated when something doesn't go right, or someone isn't getting something done to your liking, you say, "If you want it done right, you've got to do it yourself."

That's probably what this 63-year-old Glendale, Calif., man was thinking, and I'm also pretty sure this isn't included anywhere in the 2,000-plus pages of President Obama's health care plan that became law last year.

Sunday night, his wife called 911 and told the emergency operator her husband was using a butter knife to remove a painful protruding hernia from his belly in a failed bid at self-surgery, Sgt. Tom Lorenz said.

"She said he had impaled himself with a knife," Lorenz said.

A hernia occurs when all or part of an organ or fatty tissue squeezes through a hole or a weak spot in a surrounding muscle or connective tissue. While the man said he was trying to remove a hernia, hernias are normally repaired by doctors in a hospital or medical setting involving some type of procedure to push the organ back in.

Officers found the man naked on a patio lounge chair outside his apartment with a 6-inch butter knife sticking out of his stomach. The man's wife told officers her husband was upset about the hernia and wanted to take it out.

While waiting for paramedics, the sergeant said, the man pulled out the knife and stuffed a cigarette he was smoking into the bleeding, open wound.

"What he was thinking, I don't know. I don't know if he was cauterizing it (the wound)," Lorenz said.

The man wasn't screaming or showing any signs of pain, the sergeant said.

Based on his actions and statements from the wife, Lorenz said the man was placed on psychiatric hold for up to 72 hours and taken to Los Angeles County-USC Medical Center.

"You just never know what to expect," said Lorenz, who has been on the police force for 29 years. "I've seen self-mutilation, but not a maneuver like this."

? School starts in just a couple of weeks, football in a little more than a month, and county fairs will open in September.

If you can't wait until then, the New York State Fair will open Aug. 25 in Syracuse and unveil a new delicacy - the "Big Kahuna Donut Burger."

For between $5 and $6, an adventurous eater will get a quarter-pound burger in between slices of a grilled, glazed doughnut. Toss on some cheese, bacon, lettuce, tomato and onion and you've got yourself a 1,500-calorie meal.

America's state fairs can be counted on to provide foods featuring offbeat ingredient combinations. Wisconsin has chocolate covered bacon on a stick, you can get fried beer in Texas, Massachusetts provides fried jelly beans and North Carolina has the "Koolickle," pickles soaked in Kool-Aid.