Monday, November 15, 2010

Love House Day!

You can hear Randy upstairs punching the wall behind his bed and screaming the name Marsha, the love of his life, the one who said no.

You can hear Louie in the room next door scratching against the wall as he writes the name Patty in his own blood.

You can hear Janine downstairs pacing the ground floor, dining room, living room, kitchen and back, as she tries to walk Darren's name out of her head.

Can they hear you? Can they tell by the sounds you're making that you're packing all your things into a couple of bags. Will they hear you crawl through the window and down the roof, tossing your bags to the lawn. Will they hear you drop to the ground below and take off running for a new place to live, one that doesn't remind you with every creak and footstep that you've never been in love?

"I tried," you told your roommates one night long ago, back when you were still able to talk about it, before it got embarrassing. "I drink a lot when I'm around people. But I still never seem to let anyone in."

"Sometimes it takes more than drinking to lower your defenses," Louie said. "Sometimes you have to give up on a dream or two."

You've given up on five dreams (wealth, beating your dad in a fistfight, taking a balloon ride around the world, learning to text and drive, and becoming an eccentric but brilliant barista) and you don't know how many more you have left to give up on. It's becoming clear, you're probably never going to fall in love. Your housemates know it. They had a meeting.

"How can we share a home with someone so incapable of feeling what we feel?" Janine whispered. They were at the breakfast table and you were outside, crouched down just beneath the open window.

"The other day I saw him trying to practice loving a pillow," Randy said. "After a while, he just started punching it. Broke my heart."

"I think if we ask him to leave he might be relieved, honestly," said Louie. "I mean, he can't enjoy having us walk around mooning over the objects of our affection all day long. Also, what if he's contagious?"

They said all in favor then they all said aye. You're getting the deed done before they have to do it. You're going to throw your bags out that window and you're gonna take off tonight, before they have to try to break it to you gently. Go find a new place to live. You never know, you might finally be able to find some love for yourself if you're living in a place where your dumb housemates aren't hogging it all.