Whats your opinion?

So I'm thinking I'm just letting things get to me. I don't talk to my mil because she drives me nuts and I really hate her. However there are times I get suckered into talking to her, like today. My husband didn't want to get off the phone with her and he had to go to the bathroom so he threw me under the bus and she took the opportunity to reconfirm my idea that she is full of baby rabies and bsc. Basically all she had to say is she wished we would talk more and that she can't wait for the baby to get here and go visit her. I told her im very busy and we wont be visiting anywhere till after rsv and flu season is over. So she kept going on and on and said the thing that bothered me " I love babies so much I use to babysit so and so baby. I bought the baby clothes for my house and when I watched him I'd take him out of the car seat and bathe him and put him in the clothes I bought it was so cute and I just loved it." So this to me just raised a big red flag. I quickly gave the phone back to my husband even though she was still trying to talk to me. I was just really creeped out. First we live several hours away so I'm not concerned about her babysitting till hubby gets out of the army in 9 months and we move closer to where we are from. But it just feels like this is something she is desperately hoping to do with my kid. It weirds me out to think of anyone but me or my husband giving a bath to our kid. Plus I'm just turned off at the idea of her even possibly buying baby gear for her house in the hopes she can play mommy to my kid. I've all ready been turned off from her for wanting to be called nonnie instead of grandma. I just wanna know what y'all think. Do you think it's weird for grandparents to want to bathe grandchildren and buy their own clothes and what not or is it normal?

Comments (55)

ArmyWife have you seen The Hand That Rocks the Cradle?
I am pretty sure you just described a scene from that film. Grandparents being excited about baby? Wanting to buy clothes? Normal.
Buying clothes for a kid you are not related to then secretly bathing and playing dress up without parents knowledge o consent? She is probably Single White Femaling you right now so she can be mommy to "her baby".

FWIW- never hears of nonnie, but Nona is italian for grandma. Where I grew up it was common for grandparents to go by what their European grandparents were called, so there were a lot of Oma's, Nona's and Babcia's.

A baby is not a doll to be bathed and dressed up. I have several SILs and a couple of them I trust with my son and some of them...no fucking way would they be alone or babysit.

It has to do with respect of boundaries, not some sort of bio memory.

To me, when you bathe and dress a baby, you are putting it in a small amount of danger. Very small, of course, but just as I would have trouble trusting someone I have heard of or observed driving carelessly drive my baby around, I would also be wary of someone who has told or shown me they do not have normal boundaries bathing or dressing my child. The risk may be small, but it against a mother's instincts to ignore such behavior when deciding who to trust with their child.

Ask MIL "why did you bathe and change clothes on the baby you kept, did the parents know, did the clothes go home with the baby, if not why?" if she was just playing dress up, then I concede she's BSC? But what if the patents smoked or had poor personal higene? I never would send stepD's clothes home with her because she always returned with rags and I didn't have any nice things for her to wear while she was with us and she said she never wore the nice clothes that went home with her, they disappeared. So I would suggest asking more questions before jumping to conclusions. Then discuss boundaries and your rules and see how she reacts.

Marie while I get where you are coming from with your stepchild that isn't the case here. With two house holds it becomes almost necessary to have them wear the clothes you buy and send them home in the clothes they came in. Just to keep things straightened out. It isn't normal for a babysitter to do that though.

Even my BSC mother didn't keep clothes just for her house. If DD had a blow out or something and she washed an item for me it was sent home the next visit. She did have a few things that I brought to leave but there wasn't an entire nursery set up. That is what OP's MIL is trying to do. Set up her own little play house where LO is the doll.

I would consider this conversation a warning to be on guard and never leave your LO alone with her. Trust your instinct. That would have creeped me out too.

My mom has kept my twins at her house since I went back to work when they were 12 weeks old. She does not keep clothes at her house she doesn't even keep bath stuff at all (I offered incase she would need it when they were little). If there is an accident that is what the change of clothes in the diaper bag is for. Now that they are older she does rinse them off in the tub after playing out side in the sand/dirt (I send play clothes for that also kept in the diaper bag).