This list is lovingly dedicated to everyone who pshaws at vanilla sex.

1. fuck someone who is actively bleeding, OR earning your tasty Red Wings
2. fuck in a coffin or a church
3. genital torture using a starving hamster
4. pegging with a peg leg
5. extreme anal penetration with something found in the kitchen
6. watersports in a water park (ha ha, too bad, everyone else!)
7. fucking someone you have rendered unconscious
8. knifeplay at a sushi bar
9. sucking a dirty dick (where has it been?!)
10. take down abduction scene at Wal-Mart
11. taste cum, preferably on a muffin
12. putting a stick of huckleberry incense in your ass and lighting it until your ass hairs singe
13. masturbating to a photo of your parent
14. putting a fork, spoon, and knife in your orifices simultaneously
15. face sat upon by someone naked and unwashed until you can’t breathe for two minutes
16. shave entire body
17. sucking the horn of a poached rhinoceros after it’s been shoved up Rush Limbaugh’s ass
18. fisting with Paul Bunyan
19. sex on horseback (with the horse)
20. being fucked by someone you never see, preferably because you are half buried in dirt
21. figging using an entire bottle of ginger liqueur
22. double penetration (eyeballs and earholes count)
23. sounding using the chopsticks from a racist Vietnamese restaurant

Who doesn’t love a kinky list?

24. sex with Hellboy
25. consensual rape of a stranger found on Craigslist in the Lost Pets section
26. play piercing using your grandmother’s sewing kit
27. worms in your vagina as part of a mindfuck demo
28. vacuum cube for two
29. pussy pumping
30. filling scrotum with saline solution and then bouncing up and down on it
31. white girl getting ganged raped in an abandoned rat infested crack house by a bunch of black thugs
32. ass to mouth to ear
33. being tied to girlfriend while cunts share a dildo and men use our mouths for their pleasure
34. watching woman be used in each hole by a different guy, then eating the cum from said holes
35. gay sex with a conservative politician in a public restroom for blackmail
36. gunplay ala anal paintball
37. being pimped out and not seeing a dime of the money
38. piss enema after anal sex with no lube
39. being given an enema and then plugged and dressed in a pizza delivery uniform
40. amputation
41. using a kitty litter box while wearing turquoise heels and yellow gumball necklace
42. fucking Dick Clark
43. bestiality
44. cooking dinner using ingredients that have been in your vagina
45. face fucked until puking up the 4 packages of marshmallow peeps you just ate
46. anal fisting
47. forced chastity
48. anal gaping
49. sex with relatives
50. choked completely out

I just got peed on! I’m so happee!

51. being stomped on by a man wearing cowboy boots, then penetrated by said boots
52. being beat by a 2 x 4 by Hacksaw Jim Duggan
53. sex while driving on a gravel road toward family cemetery
54. zentai
55. dressing up as your favorite muppet and then humping a street sign
56. stalking your Sunday school teacher
57. sex with a one of those humanoid sea monkeys
58. trampling
59. sploshing! sex in gelatin, pudding, or applesauce
60. taking a rattle from a baby, sticking it up your ass, then handing it back to the baby
61. stealing and sniffing mom’s panties
62. prostate milking
63. race play
64. felching
65. nyotaimori
66. boring sex with the same person for five years while thinking about something interesting
67. human doll play
68. human ashtray
69. infantilism
70. sex while wearing gas mask
71. face farting
72. flesh hook suspension
73. creampie cuckolding
74. being caged for 48 hours
75. medical torture involving catheters, enemas, and IVs

Fucking someone in a room full of cadavers…or fucking a cadaver…..
Masturbating with an amputated human hand
Fucking someone with an amputated human foot
Giving someone an enema with an equine reflux pump while they are fucking someone else….