Recent:.. My world crashed yesterday...
I've known for weeks this would come to me.. but it'll have to end somehow...
Funny, how i react 1st b4 it happened.. I've done my crying in the Bball
court days ago (which i think i've written it in one of my past entry)
I've to get myself mentally prepared somehow b4 i finally dared to put
"m'évitez-vous? " but i dared not asked...
The confusion, maddness and guesses ended.. and now all that's left is
a sharp million tons rock on my heart...
Something that i've invested all my feelings on juz.. *snap fingers* evaporated...
It truely is hard to let go...
But i will and i must...

Wednesday, 19/2/03, 8.45pm
Been spending e most depressed few days of my life drawing away... My
first fanart for like.. 2 yrs? Guess that's the only thing tt can keep
me away from thinking abt things.. Still very depressed.. but drawing
does cheered me up alittle.. Still pretty alive here.. i guess..*drawing* scanner totally
ruined my pic.. but a least i do get cheerful comments like.. "y
e hell did u drew this pic on a Chinese Wkst?!?!?..*complain complain*"
^^

Beem trying to be optimistic lately.. ^^
My class of lamers have at their way again.. I wonder how many 18 or 19
yr olds will still have to go on a school heritage tour? LOL!
Anyway, Jellygal, Seb and me was like going ard amusing ourselves in the
Asian musemum... trying to convince each other and our classmates that
the 10cm big ancient curtain hooks were EAR RINGS! and the 10cm ancient
door knobs in the shape of rings were NOSE RINGS! plus some gold dish
like thingy of like 6cm width were BELLY STUDS!! and e smaller ones of
like 3cm were nose studs! What lameshit! LOL! Jellygal was like laughing
breathelessly saying " no wonder the ancient guys.. no matter how
they fight and poke with their swords, they wun be kiilled... bcoz their
belly studs were so big!" HAHAHA! Toking abt making ur sch's heritage
tour trip enjoyable... LOL!

Still trying...
Gomen.. can juz skip this part... coz it's juz me trying to trash my unhappy
thoughts for a relief..
Ever had a hard laugh but ur heart feels oddly heavy... quite contridicting
with the happy atmosphere u're experiencing? Well.. i think i seems to
have lost what's call a "hearty laugh" ... *bitter smile*
I am god damn idiot... purposely looked at the pics in my com to make
myself think of things i dun wan to remember...
The word "Jerk" on my hand only looked so appropriate as a descprition
for myself~
Anyway, i lost 2kg within 4 days!! Damn! I pro! *laughs and hides from
all the flying kicks* Didn't know being That depressed can make me lose
appeptide... One thing i nv thought i would lose coz i'm such a gluton!
XD Not bad eh?

Random thoughts: Somehow i've got a feeling i wan No one else..
but the only one i'm thinking of everyday... .... *slaps self* It's juz
the begining! wake up and snell the roses!... ... Damn... I gonna have
a personality spilt soon! ARGHHHH!! *pulls out all the hair* >__<XXX
Listening: "I love you" hikaru Utada
Mood: alternating

Monday, 24/2/03, 10.30pmApology~~
Ok~ Enough of wellowing in self pity already~ I had it! My Super Dorminating
Arian character will not allow it! LOL!
Of course whatever what i'll do, this will also be in my heart. I'll nv
forget but I'm grateful for the person who gives me all the vivid meomories.
It adds on to a beautiful chapter in my life.. yes! a very very beautiful
one! *smiles* I will cry no more!!!! *stands proudly... then luo fong*
XDD Yeah~~

WORK OUT HELL~~~~~~!!!!!!!! CHARGEEEEEE
LOL! Been exercising and exercising no stop... waiting for a chance to
get sick i supposed? LOL! I need mc~!!! I need to get away from school
work~!! *laughs*
let's see... this few days been quite eventful...

Sat: 4km run at Sentosa~!! Braving thru the rain and the super
steep slopes they have there~ Was lead by two wonderful teachers who kept
guiding to the wrong route and we have to make big rounds to get back
to the right route.. LOL! Ended running 5.5 Km at the end of the day,
when all of us were wondering if we'll ever find our way back... LOL!
Of it.. abt 1-2km of the route was running thru Siloso Beach~ Imagine
how u'll run 2 steps and slip back 1 step into the sand.... Damn hard
to run man! I was running at the same speed to the pple WALKING ard the
beach! >_<; *knees break*
The best part was when my teacher guides us up the extremely steep slopes
alond fort siloso... when all of us finally huff and puff with our breaking
legs up to the highest peak at the end of fort siloso... Someone realised
we ran in the worng direction... =_____=;;; *watches a few friends getting
ready to commit sucide at the sea beside it* we have to run all the way
back down again... *faints*

The next day, Sun: Went for continuous lap swims.. swam abt 18
laps when i was dragged outta pool by my over anxious sis to get home.

Today, Mon: Teacher suddenly announced tt they're doing the NAFA
run today... 2.4km with timing of course... *blackout*
Even
better.. I had my BBALL training right after the run. And today's training
forcus on PHYSICAL training... >__< NOOOOOOOOO~~ My knee skin peeled
off after doing too much pushups on the hot and rough bball court....
=__=;;; my leg... my leg...*moans*

Plans of exercising for the following days: Hoping to grab someone
down to have a swim with me tomolo~ LOL! I need more exercising! Then
it's gym work and bball self training for wed.. bball training on Thurs,
gym work on fri, training on sat and hopefully another swim on sun...
Muahahaha! *goes crazy*

PPLE! DUN GO ON DIET!!!
Was studying regulation and control in my bio lesson... there's part abt
how we shouldn't go on diet.. well since as i've noticed, tt alot of pple
like to starve themselves (me on an ocassional basis too~ Guilty! XD)
So i'll make the facts as easy as possible to understand..... Here goes~!!!

1st, with the eat a lot and gain weight thingy is
true.. coz e Gkucose taken in will either be...
i) taken up by muscles and other tissues
ii) in liver for respiration
iii) Stored as glycogen
iv) converted to fat (this is the last way of glucose usage in the body..
i suppose and it'll accumlated unless u exercise alot... So no worries
tt u'll gain too much fat as long as u eat well and correctly and exercise
regularly!) ^^

2nd and most impt on y u shouldn't starve...
Starving for a long time will let the body thinks tt u're experiencing
a famine... and the body, being such a wonderful, caring and automated
machine.. will immediately slow down metabolic in the body to cope with
the starvation.. Which means that u'll burn FATS SLOWER! Meaning tt, u'll
need to exercising much more thatn others juz to get rid of the same amt
of fats! Argh! So pple, PLS eat!! XD