Side-Effects I Won’t Miss: The Chemo Diaries, a Coda

My treatment is far from done, my “cancer journey” only partly traveled, but I am saying goodbye to chemotherapy — at least for now. Forty rounds of infusions came to an end last week and, though my brain is fatigued and my body is a bit of a mess, I’m taking a moment to appreciate the things I definitely will not be missing.

#1, The Uncontrollable Gag Reflex.

It’s been a nasty thorn in my side, that gag reflex. Just brushing my teeth will set it off, causing me to wretch over the sink, even if it has been a long time since I ate. And scents of any kind have been known to cause gagging, too — and not just the smell of rot or the cat box or whatever was thrown in the garbage can the night before, but, yeah, all of those, too. Goodbye, gag reflex!

#2, Grimy, Oily-Feeling Skin

The days following my infusion are better with frequent showers. As I purge toxins, I always imagine that I smell horrible — and, in fact, I often cannot stand my own odor. But beyond that, my skin just feels gross. I’ve had the weirdest blemishes, well beyond any teenage acne I experienced in my wayward youth, and it wasn’t always easy finding soaps that I could tolerate in the enclosed space of a shower. Waking with a slick layer of grease on my face and a sticky sensation all over my body (worse on hot days, of course), mixing thick perspiration and whatever else is pushing through my pores, is an experience I am more than ready to be done with.

#3, Swollen Feet

Swollen (and unfortunately dirty) feet!

While my feet might look painful or annoying, the truth is that the swelling is more of a cosmetic issue for me most days. It comes and goes, but it looks horrendous when it is in full swing. Sure, sometimes it hurts a bit, especially if I have to be standing a lot, but more often than not, exercise actually makes the swelling dissipate. Still, the sight of those elephant-like ankles can be a bitter reminder that the body is still struggling with treatment. Even if I otherwise feel really good, a pair of puffed-up feet is no fun to be trotting around on.

#4, Neuropathy

This one is a no-brainer. Neuropathy sucks, and I don’t even have it that badly. But there are always times when I lack sensation someplace, ranging from my tongue to my toes. A weird bit of numbness here or there, dulled sensations, a generally “cottony” feeling some place or other, none of it is good, and neither is the occasional phantom pain that could pop up in a finger or toe or just randomly along a limb. Neuropathy, you fickle beast, please shut the door behind you.

Of course, all of these could be back to visit in another month. That’s part of the fun of starting something new and different — you really cannot know how your body is going to react. I don’t even know yet what my next treatment will actually be — all I do know for sure is that I’m taking a break for the next few weeks, skipping what would have been my next cycle and moving into uncharted territory after that.

So, for now, I am just happy to revel in what I am happy saying farewell to. Good night, numbness; good night, barf. Good night, peeing exactly every 60 minutes. Good night, falling asleep at my desk in the middle of the day.

Good night, Chemo Brain.

Good night, needle poking the vein.

Good night, daft and sickly feelings, though I’m guessing I’ll be seeing some form or other of you again soon. Hopefully, well rested and ready to go!

Infusion time!

If this post resonates with you, please consider supporting my work through a monthly subscription to my feed on Patreon, or a one-time donation through PayPal. Follow me on Twitter, Facebook, Tumbler and many otherfancy social sites or apps. Please share my posts to groups you are involved with on Reddit or Google+ or anywhere else that you feel it will help or enlighten or inspire another reader. (Sharing buttons are below the post!)

Subscribe via Email

Don't be left out! Enter your email address for new posts and updates. It's easier than checking back every day.

Email Address

Support This Site

A recurring monthly donation through my Patreon feed supports the work on this blog, and also gives you access to my podcast and exclusive interviews, starting at $1 per month (you set the amount you wish to donate).

Support This Site With a One-Time Donation

Thank you for helping to keep this site operational! Secure donations through PayPal are always appreciated if you don't want the monthly subscription for my podcast, but still want to support my work.

Categories to Explore

Categories to Explore

Buy This Book!

If you've got a child between 6 and 12 who likes dogs, adventure and might also enjoy learning a thing or two about history, geography and science, check out this book I wrote. It's a crazy good deal on Kindle, too.

Popular Posts

Follow me on Twitter

Copyright Notice

This site consists of copyrighted material. You may not repost or reblog entries in their entirety without written consent of the author or copyright holder. You may, however, post a small introductory segment (typically less than 150 words) with a link back to the source page, or publish attributed quotes per “Fair Use” guidelines.

Categories

Meta

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 451 other subscribers

Email Address

Donate

Thank you for supporting this blog!

Buy This Book!

If you've got a child between 6 and 12 who likes dogs, adventure and might also enjoy learning a thing or two about history, geography and science, check out this book I wrote. It's a crazy good deal on Kindle, too.