DERF Happy Hour

Andy Dalton enjoying Sundays off to follow new season of Downton Abbey

CINCINNATI, OH - As the city of Cincinnati continues to sting from the Bengals loss to the San Diego Chargers in the first round of the NFL playoffs, Andy Dalton has been looking on the bright side. Dalton has expressed joy at finally being able to devote his Sundays to the new season of Downton Abbey.

“I’ve been looking forward to new episodes all season long,” said an exuberant Dalton. “Like most people, I’ve been wondering how Downton would survive the tragedy of Matthew’s death. To tell you the truth, his death still haunts me a bit, I’ve been thinking about it all season. Sometimes, I’d roll out of the pocket with linebackers shooting at me and think, ‘This is probably how Matthew felt just before the car crash.’ Then, I’d throw an interception, run to the sidelines and have a good cry. Unfortunately there was never a loyal footman there to console me.”

The Sunday following the playoff game found Dalton at his home, preparing a pot of tea that he planned to enjoy with shortbread. “I finally feel civilized,” Andy explained. “Instead of banging around with a bunch of big sweaty men, I’ll be sipping tea and enjoying a masterful piece of British television. The best thing is, my teammates all know I like Downton Abbey so much that none of them are trying to pressure me into going to their brutish Super Bowl parties.”

When asked what he would have done had the Bengals won their postseason game and continued on through the playoffs, Dalton wasn’t sure. “I suppose I could have hoped for Saturday games,” he said. “I also could have just watched them all on DVR. In fact, that’s how I spent all of my time the week leading up to the Chargers game...watching last season’s Downton so I would be ready for the season premiere. So much more entertaining than those boring game films.”