The Day Comic Stripsgathered from over thirty leading newspaper comic strips.These are available for you to license for books, magazines, newsletters, presentations and websites.Roll-over each thumbnail and click on the image that appears to see links for licensing.
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Boss … Armstrong … I created a Trump Generator. You input questions, and it outputs random nouns and adverbs strung together with words like fantastic. I put it onling a few days ago, and already it's getting 500,000 visitors per day. I guess what I'm asking is, why do all Trump's answers all of a sudden end with Visit House of Jave Cafe. It's tremendous. It's run by a very smart man named Armstrong. I have no idea what you're talking aboutk. By the way, did you know Russian hackers are suprisingly cheap on Craigslist? Very bad man.!!!

Sunset gets later and later every day, little buddy. So what? So, sunset happens later in the day. That means I can accomplish a lot more before smooching hour. I can run an extra ten miles. I can chop an extra cord firewood. I can catch an extra school of fish. I can prepare for my date my mining an extra nugget of lip balm from my secret lip balm quarry. I can download 30 extra books I'll never read.

I was just kidding about forgetting your birthday, Opal. Of course I remembered. I even wrote you a poem. Today's the birthday of the lady I love, heaven sent her from above. I'll love her beyond the day I die, 'cause she's the Opal of my eye.

Hey wannabe Steve Jobs, get me a coffee. In a sec. What? I'm live blogging my job. I'm writing a moment-by-moment account of the day and uploading it in real time to the web. Preparing for a massacre. Charming customer.

What happened, bruh? When we was kids, most we had to worry about was someone had a knife. Didn't nobody bring guns to preschool an' terrorize little kids, Big L. We even had massive gang wars on campus in high school, an' not one person got shot. Ah … the good old days. In my day, we had to wait 'til we was walkin' home to get shot at.

So … today was the day Toddlerville Day Care taught your son what to do if an active shooter hunted them in the potty? Yeah. The kids took turns standing on toilet seats and scrunching down so the shooter can't see their feet or head. What're they going to have to teach them next, how to escape through a window after they break it with a ... whachoomacallit? Safety hammer. Lionel wanted the Paw Patrol safety hammer, but they gave him the Kermit one, so he's pretty upset. Stop. I can't take any more.

Little Lionel said Toddlerville Day Care had another active shooter drill today. They practiced how to hide under their desks and stifle their cries while they heard gunshots and saw friends die. Lionel was so proud that they chose him to play one of the fallen victims. All we had to rehearse for was the school play. Tomorrow they practice what to do if it happens while they're in the potty.

I applied for a Home Depot credit card, Susan. What? Why? You rent. How much Home Depot stuff could you need? Well, when I picked little Lionel up from Toddlerville day care and asked him what he learned today … he said they learned how to barricade the door and hide form an active shooter. This country is sick. Toddlerville told me they didn't have the budget for bulletproof doors, so I figured I'd build them some.

What brings you to therapy, Mr. Jollee? My unhappy coworkers. Dr. Noodle. They're the ones with the problem, not me. I'm happy. All of the time. All of the time? Every moment, I greet the world with a smile and with laughter! No matter what's happening! Aaris brought donuts, and I said What a great guy! whenever anyone makes a sale, I lead a cheer! When Andy fell out the window, I shouted Cheer up! There're trees down there! Aim for those! What? The next day, everyone else was moping around, but not me. I put on a smile and said On the bright side, almost all the cactuses are still ok! ... and that's when they sent you to therapy. No, they sent me here after I gave the eulogy.

Where you been last couple days, Big L? The Star Trek Discovery season finale was incredible. It made me really want a Captain Pike spin-off. So naturally, I've been in every discussion forum and all over social media trying to motivate everyone on earth to sign the CBS, give us a pre-TOS Star Trek series w/ Captain Pike. Struggle is pointless. petition on Change.org. Naturally don't meant what you think it mean. How do you say please in Hindi?

Do you think I look like Cory Booker? Not remotely. Why? A little kid said I did. It was an innocent thing to day, but it got me wondering. About race in America. About whether I could charge more money to little kids for talking to me 'cause I look like the president. Or am I just being a romantic? More money?

I'll have the special. One Cat Fur Mocha, coming up. Not today's special. I can't through here back on April 9th, 2011. You had a really delicious special that day. I want that one. I can't do that, sir. Of course you can. I mean, you don't look like the kind of guy who'd like to be hit with a bait and switch lawsuit. Your sign out front says Get the special for only $8.95! It doesn't say get today's special. Get out.

I interviewed President Trump the other day. He still really believes he only lost the popular vote because there were up to 5 million illegal votes … even though there's zero evidence of that. It didn't make sense 'til yesterday. Remember that line from the Seinfeld rerun we saw last night? A lie is not a lie if you believe it. America elected George Costanza president.

So you're worried that you may no longer be attractive to the opposite sex. Dr. Noodle. That's entirely normal. I felt that way myself at your age. M.A. You did? Sure. There comes a day when you look in the mirror and realize you're not a stallion anymore. Your coat is greying, and your saddle is too tight. When do you get to be the helpful part? M.A. The trick is realizing that a donkey can be just as beautiful ... ish.