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Happy that I quit

And I am guessing that some of the erratic posts that I write may give you the idea that I am a total mess. Which could well be true. But nothing, nothing, nothing in my life is going to get better when I drink. Isn’t that cool?

I was looking to force my emotions towards normality by drinking. Now I find that I can steer my way through life way easier when not drinking. It does not always feel easier, but the steering is. And I haven’t got the hang of it, still not always walking the talk in being able ‘to choose my reaction’ (to admin e.g.), and I don’t know if that is ever going to be so. But there is an opening and there is light. Before there was deep, deep hole and it was pitch black and nobody knew I was there.

And with that, thank you for visiting my blog, reading, liking, commenting, because it helps. It helps me realise that I am not alone, it makes me want to shine light in the darkness and on the darkness. I think, sometimes, often I am afraid that what I write is strange and uncomfortable to read. Still I stick with it, because if I start to do the editing, I feel as if I am doing exactly what went wrong with me before; covering up the weirdness and the pain. Hiding. And I want to be clear and I need to let the light in. 🙂

Still not sure if I should write with disclaimers and all, I mean, past performance does not guarantee future results. It is an addiction after all. But I guess just like not thinking about drinking in the future, I should not worry about thinking about drinking in the future. I am not in the future. I am here! And sober! And happy! 🙂

I’m glad I found your blog! I like what you say about editing. It’s ironic that on a blog where we are supposed to be honest about something so personal, we STILL feel like we need to present a certain image of ourselves. I find myself doing it all the time still…but you’re aware of it and that’s great:) Keep up the good work.

🙂 Thank you! Happy that you like it. Sorry to say that I have not come around to reading yours. Yesterday I went of in a, dunno what to call it, I added like 20 or 40 blogs.

The editing, yes. Funny stuff it is. Easier not to edit when I am happy. 🙂 Difficult when going through other stuff that affects others in one way or another too. Have been fighting with myself over it all of last night and this morning. Hope I have it worked out by now and my new post is ‘true’, again. 🙂