Beyonce: Tool of the Illuminati

If you think the right wing outrage over Beyonce lip synching the national anthem at President Obama’s inauguration was amusing, wait till you hear the right wing outrage over her Super Bowl halftime show (and last year’s Madonna performance too): The Illuminati is using subliminal symbolism to prop up the New World Order. Or something.

Elect a New Congress, a super PAC devoted to “restoring liberty” in Congress, is referring to a conspiracy theory about a secret and ancient group of rich and powerful people who once controlled every aspect of society. Some believe the Illuminati still exist, and that it was on display in Madonna’s Super Bowl halftime show last year, when the pop icon wore an Egyptian headdress and was surrounded by male dancers who formed a pyramid—part of Illuminati symbolism.

Bill Fawell, the founder and president of Elect a New Congress, is among those who believe Madonna’s performance had a hidden agenda. And he tells Whispers that he fears Beyonce’s halftime show this year will be worse…

“If you look at some of Beyonce’s performances… it’s like the military industrial police state,” Fawell tells Whispers, noting that the pop star has previously performed surrounded by male dancers in protective helmets. “That’s the subliminal message that will be spreading worldwide because everyone watches the Super Bowl.”

After spending several years touring the country as a stand up comedian, Ed Brayton tired of explaining his jokes to small groups of dazed illiterates and turned to writing as the most common outlet for the voices in his head. He has appeared on the Rachel Maddow Show and the Thom Hartmann Show, and is almost certain that he is the only person ever to make fun of Chuck Norris on C-SPAN.

slc1

Hey, I thought that pyramids were a symbol of the masons.

baal

I smell a satire.

Also, the nature of straight lines and well, physics, means that you’ll see a ton of triangle all over the place once you start looking. Triangle = illuminati means that oh, bridge trusses and math books and roofs are all tools of the…

“That’s the subliminal message that will be spreading worldwide because everyone watches the Super Bowl.”

Aaaahhh! This American-centric bollocks drives me mad. No, not “everyone” watches the Superbowl, even allowing for hyperbole (no pun intended: but I might use it in the future). If there is an event that “everyone” watches then it’s the World Cup Final, its viewing figures utterly dwarf the Superbowl AND those viewers really ar spread worldwide.

http://howlandbolton.com richardelguru

slc1 or even the Egyptians? Naaah!

bobcarroll

“The illuminati is…”

Is they, or is they not?

footface

I confess that I’m not up on my global conspiracies, but what’s the Illuminati plan here? They control everything—their hands on the levers of the State—and they’re broadcasting these encoded messages to everyone. Why? What’s in it for them?

thisisaturingtest

The newest Internet meme is that Beyonce’s hand-sign (the triangle, or pyramid, shape she made during her performance) was an Illuminati sign. According to Yahoo News:

Beyoncé’s husband, Jay-Z, has been making the hand sign to reference his Roc-Fella and Roc Nation labels since the 1990s. His fans and friends – Beyoncé, Kanye West, Rihanna, etc. – have shown their allegiance by also making the gesture.

These folks need to get a grip.

jand

Totally agree with tonylloyd. “Everybody watches…” I had to think hard. Superbowl, was it football (American football), baseball or what.

http://freethoughtblogs.com/amilliongods/ Avicenna

So is the song “All The Single Ladies” About the feminazi conspiracy to rule over the men? Thank goodness he hasn’t heard about the last Tupac album…

bubba707

Hell, I’m American and I don’t watch the superbowl. I have to say though, my neighbors do but mostly for the commercials which, this year, weren’t such a much.

Abby Normal

it’s like the military industrial police state

He says that like it’s a bad thing. I wonder then, is he in favor of slashing the military budget, relaxing drug laws, and eliminating the private prison system? I’m not familiar with Bill Fawell. So those are open questions. But I can say with some confidence, his target audience would be howling for blood.

daniellavine

“Is they, or is they not?”

The Illuminati, referred to as an institution, is. The Illuminati, referred to as a group of individual human beings, are.

Is you is or is you ain’t my pedant?

postman

Does anybody watch american football outside the US? I doubt it very much.

I think being from a large country like the US makes it easier to ignore the rest of the world.

http://dododreams.blogspot.com/ John Pieret

Jeez, if the Illuminati are so rich and powerful, couldn’t they have done better than Madonna?

Then again, the NFL is rich and powerful and they couldn’t …

scienceavenger

Anyone? Yes. American Football is growing in popularity outside the US, and is Top 10 worldwide in interest. There is even a World Championship of American Football (I believe Japan won the last one). However, its numbers worldwide are still lower than rugby (both League and Union), cricket, basketball, baseball, field hockey, volleyball and of course that score-deprived aerobic abomination of a similar name. It is also doomed to extinction due to the increasing danger and knowledge of same to the players. I believe in my lifetime we’ll see it so altered as to make it barely recognizeable to what was played 30 years ago. It’s going to end up basically being flag footall with pads.

F [nucular nyandrothol]

scienceavenger, you make it sound like asbestos.

Myoo

So, stuff with “Illuminati” symbolism on it is automatically part of the big conspiracy? What about that big pyramid behind the guy?

http://timgueguen.blogspot.com timgueguen

Lots of Canadians watch American football, and we also have our own Canadian version, with some slight rule differences.

teawithbertrand

“watching a bunch of men in tights running around chasing a ball and patting each other on the behind,”

He just couldn’t resist slipping in an idiotic anti-gay bigot dogwhistle at the end, could he?

teawithbertrand

Also, my favorite comment from the US News site:

DO YOU BELEIVE IN GOD? IF YOU DOn’t PLEASE PLEASE ASK HIM IN TO YOUR HEART TODAY ASK HIM TO FOGIVE YOU REPENT OF YOUR SINS..ACCPET HIM IN YOUR HEART..HE IS KNOCKIN WAITIN TO COME IN BUT HE CANT IF YOU DOn’t INVITE HIM IN OR ALLOW HIM IN YOUR HEART TODAY..JUST BECAUSE YOU DOn’t SEE HIM IT DOESn’t MEAN HE DOn’t EXSIST..WE BREATH AIR AND WE DOn’t SEE IT BUT WE KNOW ITS THERE RIGHT? JUST LKIKE GOD! ALL I KNOW IS THIS ID RATHER LIVE MY LIFE LIKE THERE WAS A GOD DIEING AND FINDIN OUT THERE’s NOT..RATHER THEN LIVIN LIKE THERE’s NOT AND FINDIN OUT OUT THERE IS..AND BURN IN HELL HELL FOR ETERNITY..GOD SAYS IF WE GO THROUGH HIM WE WILL HAVE EVERLASTING LIFE…WE WILL NEVER FEEL PAIN OR SADNESS BUT LOVE AND PEACE AND I DOn’t KNOW ABOUT YALL BUT IM READY TO LIVE A GREAT HAPPY PEACFUL EVERLASTING LIFE WITH MY CREATOR! GOD BLESS AND MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON OUR SOULS! AMEN!

I haven’t seen a real-life appeal to Pascal in a while…

bubba707

There ain’t no room in my heart, being full of muscle and blood and all.

postman

@18: Wait, you mean Canada is still independent?

@15: I hope you are right and it dies. Actually, all sports should die, then we could watch something really interesting like chess.

bobcarroll

daniellavine@#12: I definitely be a pedant, yours, I dunno… Should we treat “Illuminati” as a collective noun, like “Congress” or “dumpster?” But, I repeat myself.

It is also doomed to extinction due to the increasing danger and knowledge of same to the players. I believe in my lifetime we’ll see it so altered as to make it barely recognizeable to what was played 30 years ago. It’s going to end up basically being flag footall with pads.

People made similarly bleak (and wrong) predictions about doom of the sport back in 1905 when Teddy Roosevelt started applying pressure to reduce injuries (19 players died on the field that year nationwide). The result was the banning of plays where players linked up in “mass formation” and the introduction of the forward pass, among other things. The game not only survived, it thrived under the new rules.

New safety concerns have come up several times in football. The result has always been to alter the rules in such a way that the game becomes safer, but still remains entertaining. I seriously doubt this new round of safety concerns will be different. Yes, the game will be different in the future, but that doesn’t mean it will be bad. No need to worry about the sky falling. The game will be fine.

frankb

AND MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON OUR SOULS! AMEN!

If you believe in Him then you will have everlasting life in heaven. If not then you suffer eternal torture in hell. Worship Him or perish. What does mercy have to do with it? There is no mercy with that monster.

dingojack

Really? There was a Gridiron game?

Meh.

Dingo

http://motherwell.livejournal.com/ Raging Bee

Wait, the New World Order is being led by Madonna? That’s exactly what the world needs — a leader who’s smart, liberal, charismatic, AND good looking! How do i join her 2016 super-PAC?

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1263117028 andrewhall

Who writes this guy’s material? Stupor Bowl? Very hackey.

StevoR, fallible human being

@ ^ andrewhall : Actually I thought calling it the “Stuporbowl” was about the only funny line that worked there – well, intentionally anyhow!

martinc

The Superbowl was broadcast live here in Australia. This unfortunately means that it was at 10am on a workday (Monday), but it apparently got respectable ratings. It was repeated at 11pm, this time without the power outage. As a tool of worldwide Illuminati messaging, the half-time show is useful, I suppose, because frankly it gets more time on the main news bulletin than the actual football does.

=8)-DX

“That’s the subliminal message that will be spreading worldwide because everyone watches the Super Bowl.”

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (snort, chortle and other noises). As a European this doesn’t offend me, because it’s so absolutely totally hilarious and absurd.

If it were a real football match, he might be getting somewhere with that.

http://festeringscabofrealityblogspot.com fifthdentist

Apparently Beyonce made a triangle/pyramid shape with her fingers during the halftime show. They’re just rubbing it in our faces, aren’t they?

http://motherwell.livejournal.com/ Raging Bee

The Illuminati, referred to as an institution, is. The Illuminati, referred to as a group of individual human beings, are.

That’s the American convention. The British convention is always to use the plural “are,” as in “The US are…” or “The Illuminati are…” Which I consider a really nice way of admitting that an organization is not a person, it’s a group of people, who still have their own individual brains. This is a particularly important thing to remember in this age of “corporations are people too.”

So is the song “All The Single Ladies” About the feminazi conspiracy to rule over the men?

Actually, she’s indicating that the Illuminati like us and want to put a ring on us. One Ring to rule us all…

He just couldn’t resist slipping in an idiotic anti-gay bigot dogwhistle at the end, could he?

Was that bit about big men in tights slapping each other’s asses an anti-gay bigot dogwhistle, or an admission of his own overpowering obsession? It’s really hard to tell sometimes…

jnorris

I’m not to sure all the red blooded American males were actually looking at her hands during the performance.

dingojack

‘When every conspiracy theory starts to look like the Illuminati, every tool starts to look like Beyonce’.

Dingo

——–

Bloody hell, the Illuminati must be on their last legs – Beyonce? Really? And with the right-wing media and government just chock-a-block with an even bigger set of the biggest tools known to humanity….

ah58

The comments over on US News are freaking scary. This story really brought the kooks out of the woodwork.

scienceavenger

#22: I hope you are right and it dies. Actually, all sports should die, then we could watch something really interesting like chess.

That’s what I think is the major appeal of football. It’s basically combat chess.

25: I seriously doubt this new round of safety concerns will be different.

It’s already different. The changes they have made to the rules have fundamentally changed the game. Now receivers can run crossing patterns with impunity. Further, as the players get used to tackling low instead of high, we’ll start seeing broken knees instead of concussions. I’d say those predicting the demise of the sport weren’t wrong, but like so many environmentalists, just were off in their timing.

eric

Re: safety, I’m personally hoping a current trend in strategy will improve that more than any rules change. I’m referring to the trend in using a lot more no-huddle offense, preventing the defense from catching its breath and reducing substitutions. If this trend continues, I imagine we’ll see defenses (and offensive lines) getting physically smaller and leaner, because individuals will have to train for several minutes of constant exercise rather than 10 seconds on/stop for 30/10 seconds on/stop for 30 etc.

gardengnome

“That’s the subliminal message that will be spreading worldwide because everyone watches the Super Bowl.”

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About the Author

After spending several years touring the country as a stand up comedian, Ed Brayton tired of explaining his jokes to small groups of dazed illiterates and turned to writing as the most common outlet for the voices in his head. Read More...