Learn from me my padawan

Tag: life

Today is the last day I spend before I head back to work. I think I still have a job. To be honest I’m not quite sure. Tomorrow we will see if it will just be another day sorting boxes onto pallets, pulling freight across the floor to their respective departments, and stocking the shelves of the grocery aisles with headphones to drown out the customers. It could be a day of freedom. Of freedom for as long as I let it last. It’s not like I have a bank vault full of a lifetime of money down at the bank a few blocks from home. Wouldn’t that be nice.

Not much was done today but the apartment is a little cleaner. Took some boxes to the Salvation Army filled with random books and clothes. Even our coffee maker. We never use it anymore since my sister gave me a french press for Christmas. Takes more time but it’s nicer having an electric kettle on the counter. Heats water faster. Takes up a little less space. It’s funny giving away things and seeing the same items on the shelf with a price already written on them. Those Salvation Army guys work fast.

After that we went over to my parents. It was the first time since getting the flu from them a little over a week ago. Thankfully they are mostly over it as am I. I think it lasted a bit longer for them. I’m glad we are all in mostly good health for now. After half a day of eating some of their food, playing some Wii fit, and watching a little Netflix with them we headed home. And now here I am.

Work is what will be on my mind tonight. Hopefully I will have my job still when I walk in tomorrow. At the same time I feel like it won’t be so bad if I don’t. I spent a year without a job before getting this one. A part of the reason is I felt afraid of exploring something new. After working at this job I felt excited to learn new things and meet new people. Now though, after being there for around 7 months, that excitement has worn thin. And with Teisha not working with me anymore it just isn’t as much fun. The irony is that I didn’t want my girlfriend to work with me. I felt like it would maybe be awkward in ways. But now that it’s happened and she’s not there with me anymore… it just doesn’t feel the same. There is no motivation to keep doing a better job. Barely any to keep showing up. So I think a change would be good. Even though change is scary. It’s necessary to keep life fresh and interesting at least.

Well. I know I said I was going to write in this every day. But of no surprise, to me anyway, it didn’t turn out happening. I forget why I stopped but I know the routine in which it happens. I wake up. Think about things I should do. Laying in bed sounds nicer though. Stay under the covers until work.

That’s how it’s been for awhile until about a week ago. I did get back into the flow of work again but life again has shown me maybe that place is not where I want to be. After going on a hike with my gf and friends we went and got a bite to eat. It was at a nice local burrito shop. Afterwards we couldn’t go home though because our neighbor was moving. The parking spots we have are right next to the stairs that lead up to our apartment and our neighbor. We share a balcony. So we ended up going to my parents to hang out for awhile and do laundry. The bad part is my parents have been really sick with the flu. You can guess what happens next.

The sad thing is that the cough started the day I spent there. I knew I was going to get sick ever since that silly cough happened. I just didn’t know how bad it would be. The next day I still go into work even though I’m not feeling all that great. Cough has gotten worse but I’m still quite functional. Once I get off work and lay on my couch I feel it though. The fever starting to set in. I feel like I burned alive that night. I hadn’t remembered the weird delirious state that a fever will put you in. The next day was even worse. A constant mix between hot and cold. Teisha had to go get me medicine and I laid in bed half the day. The rest of the week was basically laying in bed or the couch playing video games or watching whatever was on the TV. Almost the same thing we do when I am working sadly.

The problem now is that today I was supposed to work. Yet, I didn’t. It’s how I normally feel when I haven’t been to work in a long time. A bit of anxiousness. Tired. Just that “I don’t want to go into work today” feel. The thing is I might have gone over my points. There is that thing called the point system at my job. One too many for whatever excuse and you’re gone. I really didn’t know if I wanted to stay at that job or not when I decided to not go in. As of now I don’t know if I’ll still have a job when I walk in two days from now. Yeah. Tomorrow is a day off.

I’m trying hard to figure things out. What I want to do. What should I do? I know that I don’t want to stay at Walmart unloading trucks and hauling freight across the floor. Then stocking shelves for half the job. Where does any of that get you? Especially when we are one of the lowest paid departments. The sad truth is I don’t want to go. I’m used to it. I know what to expect, for the most part. But where do I go then?