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Author
Topic: Andy, Ann, Experts, please help!!! (Read 10879 times)

Hi everybody - so I'm pretty green in the field of sexuality - I guess I'm just scared, so normally I'm very careful....I had a recent fear however - so the other night, I went to a strip club and ended up going into the vip room with 2 girls for a show - during the show, at one point, one of the girls (for lack of a better term), went down on the other one, for about 30-40 seconds - then, about a minute later, she kissed me....now I know kissing isn't an hiv risk, but with her having just gone down on her friend, could i be at risk due to vaginal fluids? The other reason I ask, and the biggest reason I'm sooo scared....that morning, I shaved and hit my lip and caused a cut!!!! Now while at night, when I got the show, it was no longer bleeding, it was still you know, red/raw or whatever.....

Anyway, I"m really scared and hoep to hear that I"m fretting over nothing, don't need testing, and can move on.......I asked a friend of mine, and he told me "You need to relax - you're fine..." was he right? i hope so...

So yeah, if any of the experts, such as anday or ann, could please respond..i'm sitting here in the library flipping out!! - I'm just scared that the vaginal fluids on the girls lips could have gotten into my cut and infected me...? Or is that incorrect/convoluted, and i shoulnd't be afraid?

And I'm sorry if I'm bothering you - I did search through the website - I"ve been searching for what seems like the last 12 hours - but I didn't ifnd a case quite like mine...so I thought I'd ask....

Cease and desist from flipping out right now. You were not at risk for HIV transmission during that kissing scene. And yes, I am keeping in mind your shaving nick. No risk whatsoever. Period.

Please read the lesson on this site on transmission. I think you will find some helpful information there and as someone who's "green" it may help to ease your concerns in general. Becoming sexually active is a mixed experience -- very exciting and often very scary and confusing as well. Take your time as your proceed. As long as you consistently use latex condoms for intercourse you are pretty much covered literally and figuratively as far as HIV is concerned.

Hey guys - Andy especially - wanted to thank you for your quick response - just one last little question - a few days after this (3) - I noticed a relatively big sore in my mouth - I'm now fearful it may have been open or slightly bleeding at the time of the above incident (although, hopefully, it may not have been there before)....anyway, would that give me a reason to be concerned? thanks guys.

So I'm a pretty safe person when it comes to sexual activity - but I may have made a mistake - so, met this girl - she ended up coming over - we made out, etc....i started to "finger" her pretty deeply - at which point i asked "do you have any stds?" at which point she tells me she actually has genital herpes - so i got pretty scared...part of the reason I'm scared - im a diabetic, and prick my fingers to check my blood sugar, and just did so about 3 hours before this incident (now it wasn't openly bleeding at the time, but is that a possible site of entry)?

thus, im worried - if infact she also has hiv (she said she hsan't been tested before), was i at risk there?

and although i know this isn't a herpes board, i bet you guys know alot about stds.....could i have contracted herpes this way? i know thats more infectious.....

note: she didn't have an outbreak at the time of our encounter.thanks guys.....

You did not have an HIV risk in what you have described. Im personally not 100% sure about the herpes but I doubt that as well.

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LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safelyin a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT ARIDE!!!

I've merged your new thread into your original thread - where you should post all your additional thoughts or questions. It helps us to help you when you keep all your additional thoughts or questions in one thread.

If you need help finding your thread when you come here, click on the "Show own posts" link under your name in the left-hand column of any forum page.

Please also read through the Welcome Thread so you can familiarize yourself with our Forum Posting Guidelines. Thank you for your cooperation.

You did NOT have a risk for hiv infection. Fingering, no matter what sort of spin you can think of to put on it, is NOT a risk for hiv infection. No way, no how. Not one person has ever been infected this way and you will NOT be the first.

Herpes is transmitted by skin to skin contact, but the skin it will infect is mucus membranes or the skin on genital organs. It will NOT infect your finger. She wasn't having an outbreak anyway.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

You don't get herpes of the finger. You get herpes on your lips or genitals. While herpes can sometimes be transmitted when there is no visible lesion, in this instance you were not at any risk for herpes at all.

You also were not at risk for hiv in this incident. No way, no how. Nope. Uh-un. Nada. No risk via fingering.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

ONe last question - so here's another major point as to why im concerned - i went to the infectious disease department at the hospital near my school - spoke to a nurse there, explained my situatin - she then went and spoke to an attending, and she came back and said "again, its unlikely that you got herpes or hiv from this, but with your having tested your blood sugar a couple of hours before this incident, that cut may have presented a portal of entry...so to be safe, you might want to get an hiv test now and after 3 months." - so i did - the rapid test came back negative in 20 minutes - should i go again after 3 months like she suggested? was the first test even necessary (she said it wouldn't tell me if i got infected from my incident yesterday, but that it was done as a baseline...)...

Not one person has EVER been infected through fingering. Fingering is taking place every second of every day and some of those people are diabetic who use the same device you do and some of those people have hangnails or papercuts or whatever. Not one person has EVER been infected this way.

You can test all you like over this incident - you will NOT receive a positive result.

Here's what you need to know to stay hiv negative:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL STIs together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with a sexually transmitted infection. Sex with a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently and you will remain hiv negative. It really is that simple!

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

so not to sound crude or anything, but i can go around fingering anybody and not have to worry about possibly contracting hiv through such an encounter? (involved with that, i don't need to assess my hands before i do such a thing, etc..?)??

lastly, should i allow the fact that she said she did indeed have genital herpes affect me at all? b/c to be honest, although it may sound bad, fears are forming inside me saying "if she has herpes, maybe she has hiv too..." or is that irrelevant b/c even if she had hiv, it doesn't matter b/c what i did wouldn't put me at risk for contracting it? even with my previous testing of my blood sugar - and thus minor cut - about 3 hours earlier?

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411

again, its unlikely that you got herpes or hiv from this, but with your having tested your blood sugar a couple of hours before this incident, that cut may have presented a portal of entry...so to be safe, you might want to get an hiv test now and after 3 months."

Even a first year janitor at that hospital could have informed you that the information you received is a pile of horse droppings. Skin is an effective barrier to bloodborne viruses and even that 3 hour old lancet prick wouldn't have increased your risk, which was non existant to begin with, seriously.

Moreover, you didn't have a cut, you pricked your finger. You know the drill, prick your finger, squeeze and hope enough blood is realized to get an accurate result with the glucometer, its a small wound that closes immediately thereafter and you know that....

yeah, that was part of my other question - so would the cut have to be like openly bleeding at the time for it to have been a risk? and i guess even though the wound probably wasn' tocmpletely closed, it atleast wasn't bleeding at the time...?

and is my concern that she might have hiv irrelevant? im assuming b/c even if she did, what we did would not transmit it to me....?

It would not matter if she was HIV+. You wouldnt have been infected anyway. The wound WAS completely closed, the body is good like that, or we would bleed to death after getting small abraisions.

Logged

LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safelyin a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT ARIDE!!!

Even if this woman is hiv positive, you WERE NOT AT RISK! My partner of nearly eight years is hiv negative. He's in the building trade and often has cuts and whatnot on his hands and yes, he touches me with those hands all the time. He isn't at risk and NEITHER are YOU!

Fingering is NOT a risk, no matter what sort of spin you want to put on it. It's time you put this behind you and got on with your life.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

So I've spent alot of today coming to terms with this - and the advice I've been given - I've decided to try to move on and not worry about this anymore - that being said, I don't plan on testing any further for this........is that ok/advised?

One other question - in doing some internet research, I found medhelp.org where a guy asked a question about when he removed his condom, if he could have gotten vaginal fluids in one of the wounds left by him checking his sugar (he was diabetic too)....and Dr. HHH, Md on that site said this:

1) The sort of wound left by a finger tip lancet is not sufficient to seriously increase HIV risk. The odds your escorts were HIV infected is low anyway.

......to "seriously" increase hiv risk? does it increase it enough for transmission? or again, should i not worry? tahnks.

so it's ok if i don't test? i'm not being irresponsible? even being a diabetic who pricks his finger daily to check his blood sugar, im at no risk, and won't be being irresponsible if i don't test over this matter?

I'm obviously having trouble coming to terms with this - so Andy or Ann, I have a question for you that might make me accept this - so if you were my father (or mother), and i was your son, and you knew i was diabetic and i tested my sugar and pricked my finger, and then later that night had this fingering experience with a girl who told me she had herpes and did not know about her hiv status, you would tell me "don't worry about hiv" ?

If so, if i could imagine my own father or mother telling me not to even worry for a second about this, i think i could move on.

you know many people read your threads, not just Ann and Andy. I doubt anyone can relate being your father or mother, but you're asking HIV experts here, so listen to them. Your father or your mother may not be HIV experts. You came to the right place asking the right questions, believe the people that have lived with this for decades, believe the people that have done research and give you answers that you can trust.

I'm obviously having trouble coming to terms with this - so Andy or Ann, I have a question for you that might make me accept this - so if you were my father (or mother), and i was your son, and you knew i was diabetic and i tested my sugar and pricked my finger, and then later that night had this fingering experience with a girl who told me she had herpes and did not know about her hiv status, you would tell me "don't worry about hiv" ?

If so, if i could imagine my own father or mother telling me not to even worry for a second about this, i think i could move on.

I would DEFINITELY tell you not to worry. Just like we all have been. No risk is no risk whether youre my kid or not.

Logged

LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safelyin a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT ARIDE!!!

NonF, while I appreciate your feelings, that doesn't change the accuracy of anything you have been told here. Feelings are not facts and your concerns about this incident have no basis in HIV science, no matter how much your mind tells you otherwise.

As it happens I am the father of two sons, but that doesn't make my responses any more accurate than those of others who have replied to you. You're getting the benefit of a lot of experience in the epidemic from those who have answered you.

From my perspective what the real issue here is a common one -- the anxiety along with the excitement which often occurs when someone first becomes sexually active. We don't see any basis in HIV science for you to be concerned about this incident. We're actually very conservative about risks and if we thought testing was warranted we would say so right away. But it isn't.

My suggestion is that if you continue to be concerned about this you should talk with a counselor other such professional. Becoming isolated with this kind of concern creates a setting in which your fears keep running around in your head, all to no good purpose. So you want to find a proper setting in which to get some support. We cannot provide that for you here. All we can tell you is that you weren't at risk for HIV. Period.

LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safelyin a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT ARIDE!!!

so the potential cuts (which more than likely healed pretty quickly, and before my experience) from testing my blood sguar really don't make me any more at risk huh? i really should just chill out and move on it seems...

by the way, just b/c she has herpes, that isn't a strong indicator that she probably has hiv too, right??? (although i do know that people with herpes are more likely to get hiv during sex with an infected partner b/c of their sores during an outbreak, ....)......

i guess im saying, herpes is much more common than hiv, right? and having one clearly doesn't mean you neccessarily have the other,right?

by the way, just b/c she has herpes, that isn't a strong indicator that she probably has hiv too, right??? (although i do know that people with herpes are more likely to get hiv during sex with an infected partner b/c of their sores during an outbreak, ....)......

i guess im saying, herpes is much more common than hiv, right? and having one clearly doesn't mean you neccessarily have the other,right?

Dear Nonfiction

While this is an HIV board let me briefly answer your Herpes question. Herpes comes in two types - type 1 is most common on the lips/mouth (est. at least 60% of population has this) type 2 is genital herpes (estimated about 20-25% of U.S. populations - probably same in UK) And of course it is possible to get type 1 on genitals or type 2 on mouth. What this means is every time you walk into a room full of people 1 out of 4 people has genital herpes. While herpes can increase the risk for transmitting HIV - the fact that someone has or does not have herpes has absolutely nothing to do with their HIV status.

Hey guys - sorry, I'm back - I had actuallly gotten over my fear from the previous noted incident - anyway, the other night I went to an adult club, where you can get private dances, etc....got a show with a girl I've talked to before....my concern there was that we engaged in some deep kissing.....my concern was that after I left, I had a weird taste in my mouth - perhaps it was b/c she had been drinking and smoking - but I still left concerned - as well, she told me of how she's been involved with a few people the last couple of months, which heightened my alertness.....anyway, my lips are often chapped, etc....my concern was though, if she had broken chapped lips - what if she was bleeding slightly on her lips? Could such blood contact mucous membrane on my lips and lead to infection? I'm really concerned/scared and am wondering if I'm again being ridiculous and need to not waste another minute on this, or if I should be concerned (i can't get studying done since this incident yesterday, and i'm very concerned)....

I'm back again - so the other day, I went to see a provider -all she gave me was a covered bj - but before she put the condom on, she poured something in there - i was like "what's that?" - she said it was "ky jelly" - i looked at the bottle and was like "oh, ok,...." - but then I was like, "well, I don't want that, can we use another condom" - she was very vehement, however, about using that one, and that it was no big deal, and that it would feel good - anyway, she went on and gave me the covered bj with that condom - now i realize I'm bordering on extreme paranoia here (and yes, since my last posts I h\ave met with a sexual health counselor and plan to continue doing so....)....but i have this fear out of this situation - is there any way the lube could have had any hiv in it? in the sense that if her blood was in it or a vaginal secretion, could it survive in there and infect me? she put alot in the condom and so my whole penis was covered by it.........

No, even if your wildest fears were true, this would not be a transmission route for hiv. Putting lube in a condom is said to increase sensation for the penis, but it is not really recommended for intercourse as it can make it easier for the condom to slip off. You needn't worry where a bj is concerned. Getting a blowjob is not a risk for hiv infection and the condom was used for HER protection, not yours.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Thanks - I guess the only other corollary to that question I had, and again, I think I'm being very paranoid here, but even if she had put, for isntance, hiv+ blood in the lube before i was there, would hiv survive in such a medium such that it could infect?

and people often, for bjs use lube in the condom (if they're using protection)? i found it odd at the time - but it did make it more pleasureablel..(I thinkk....)...

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Hiv is a fragile, difficult to transmit virus that quickly becomes damaged by small changes in moisture content, temperature and pH levels. The environment inside the human body is the only one in which it remains undamaged and able to infect. Taking it outside the body and putting it into some other medium would render it unable to infect.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Last related question - so that activity happened friday - today, tuesday, I noticed a wound on my penis - now I'm guessing that this wound is probably from me masturbating the last few days - but nevertheless, if during the blowjob she had bitten me and/or her blowjob was simply rough enough to cut me, would that change any risk factor of mine? Based on what you wrote above ann, I presume that if indeed she bit me and cut me, that would only actually be a risk for the deliverer (her), correct? and not me? thanks so much.

LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safelyin a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT ARIDE!!!

Hey guys - sorry to bother you again - so basically, what I"m taking away from this whole thing is: Stop creating different scenarios in your head, b/c the truth of the matter is, you were not at risk at all, and you don't need to worry for another second about this situation, as there was no hiv risk here (and that only my mind is creating risks, which were not actually there.....and thus, i should stop worrying) - that sound like a good assessment/take home message? thanks guys!

sorry, another question - - im trying to do things that keep me safe, but I always end up coming up with a fear -

so i went to a strip club where you can get private shows - this one was one where the girl used a dildo, and you could masturbate as you both sit on a bed - no biggie -anyway, she came/ejaculated quite a bit on the bed - since i was already done, i helped her take off the sheets right away - well, as I did this, a portion of my thumb (which had a recent cut) came in contact with a wet part of the sheet - was i at any risk? should i get tested? thanks guys.

After nearly 12 months with us and 30 posts you should know this. I hate to say it, but I think you're posting silly questions for the sake of it. I don't believe for a moment that you help changed the bed linen in a whore-house. I think you made that scenario up.

You should be aware that WW's who keep asking patently silly questions end up copping a time out.

sorry andy - i know i may worry a bit much but i had this new issued come up (4 posts up on the thread - i assume you think in eed not worry about this one?)- and i have and do meet with a sexual health counselor - its just in b/w visits, sometimes i have things come up - and i absolutely did not make up that situation matty - i come here b/c i feel comfortable talking to you guys as you've been very helpful - and i certainly don't mean to waste your time at all - for instance, you guys have told me i don't need testing, and as such, have not wasted such resources - with this latest thing, it seems again, that you guys are saying i should relax - so i will....thanks - and sorry andy

hey ann, andy - my latest fear - the thing about 4 posts up- i'm still having anxiety over it - i do have an appointment for the 17th with my counselour again - but am i just being absurd? i assume by your post andy above, you're saying that matty's words are equally as true and accurate as yours and ann's?

YOu do not get HIV from pussy juice soaked sheets. It simply is not possible.

You could cut your arm off and use the pussy juice soaked sheets as a bandage and you still wouldnt need to worry.

Logged

LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safelyin a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT ARIDE!!!