DISCLAIMER - The Sentinel and its characters is the copyright of PetFly
and no infringement is intended. The story, such as it is, is copyright Karen
Colohan January 2000.

"And now it's time for hairy Blairy."

Strong hands clamped on his jaw, holding his head still so that mad eyes
could stare deep into his own. It felt as if they were looking into his soul,
taking him apart piece by piece and trying to extract the essence of who
he was...

No, you can't be me, he tried to protest. I'm still here - still
alive! Horrified he realised that the words had sounded only in his own
head. He couldn't speak them aloud; they were blocked by the yellow scarf
that gagged him. Panic rose inside him as he felt himself start to sink into
the compulsion of that insane gaze - lost...

Blair Sandburg awoke with a violent start, sitting bolt upright in his bed.
Wild eyes darted around the near darkness of the room as he tried to reorient
himself. He was free - at home in the loft - not trapped, bound and gagged
in the lair of a madman. Peripherally Blair registered the fact that sweat
was pouring off of him and he was breathing hard. Another nightmare - revisiting
the waking nightmare of his experience at the hands of David Lash. When was
it going to end?

With a sigh Blair stumbled out of bed and into the kitchen. He found a glass
and filled it with water from the tap. His hand shook a little as he slowly
sipped the water and tried to calm his jangled nerves. Closing his eyes Blair
held the cool glass to his forehead, rolling it across his overheated skin.
How much longer was this going to keep happening? It had all happened weeks,
not days ago, now. How long before the intensity of the memories began to
fade?

David Lash had wanted to kill him and then become him - exactly as he had
with his previous victims. And he'd come so close to succeeding.... Blair
didn't care to dwell on just how close. He could still clearly see the body
of the woman he and Jim had found, floating in her bath. That could have
been his fate, too... The thought of it turned his stomach. In a very real
sense Blair felt violated. David Lash had tried to take something so personal,
so fundamental from him - not just his life, but his identity. Blair shuddered,
then drained his glass of water, hoping it would settle the queasy feeling
inside him.

He was about to head back to his room when he heard movement from above.
Great, now he'd managed to wake Jim as well. Just a moment later Blair's
friend and room-mate appeared in the kitchen, looking concerned.

"Are you OK, Chief?" Jim Ellison asked. "I just heard your heart rate go
off the scale." He anxiously scanned the compact, sleep-tousled form of the
younger man, looking for visual clues as to the source of the distress he'd
detected.

"I'm fine, man." Blair dumped his empty glass in the sink and went to push
past Jim. He didn't feel much like talking.

"You look like death," said Jim with a frown. He put out a hand, stopping
Blair's escape. "Tell me, what is it?"

"It was just a nightmare, OK. Nothing for you to worry yourself about." Blair
raised his hands defensively as he tried again to elude Jim, but the other
man was having none of it.

"Like hell it isn't," Jim insisted.

Jim caught hold of Blair's shoulder, clamping down to stop him from twisting
free of his grip. He had only intended to persuade Blair to stay and talk,
so he was unprepared for the younger man's reaction. Blair tensed and paled
noticeably at the pressure on his shoulder and Jim felt the shudder that
ran through him. What was going on here?

"Sandburg?" he asked, confused.

Blair covered his face with his hands, trying to control his now instinctive
reaction to being restrained, however tenuously. The unwanted surge of adrenaline
left him torn between striking out and running away. Dammit! he railed at
himself internally. This was Jim touching him, not the murderously
insane David Lash! But while Blair's mind was capable of making the distinction,
his body remained harder to convince.

"Jim, please... let go," said Blair finally in a small voice.

"All right," Jim agreed. He released Blair's shoulder and backed away. "As
long as you sit down and tell me what this is all about."

Blair nodded his agreement and headed for the couch, Jim trailing in his
wake. Sighing tiredly Blair flopped down, resting his head against the back
of the couch. Jim sat beside him - maintaining a careful distance between
them. His expression still showed his concern.

"It's this whole business with David Lash," said Blair finally, after a long,
tense silence.

Jim nodded slowly, beginning to understand. "It wasn't an easy case," he
ventured carefully. "What he did to his victims; how he tricked his way into
our confidence... What he tried to do to you." Jim looked down at his hands.
"I think he got under everyone's skin more than most of them do. But it's
over now, Sandburg. He's dead; he can't hurt anyone any more."

"Right." Blair gave a nervous laugh. "That's what I've been telling myself.
The only problem is I keep remembering... Every time I go to sleep the nightmares
start and I'm right back in that chair, listening to him tell me what he
was going to do - waiting to die." The words dried up and Blair shrugged
helplessly, trying to convey what he couldn't find the means to say aloud.

"It's OK, Chief. I know what you mean," said Jim reassuringly. "I've been
there myself once or twice. What can I say? It does get easier, with time..."

"Time - we all know how that heals everything, right," muttered Blair. He
sighed. "Great..."

"You should have told me about the nightmares before." Jim's tone was faintly
accusatory. "I had no idea you were still having so much of a problem with
this. If I'd known... maybe we could have arranged for you to see someone."

"Perhaps, but this is my problem, Jim." Blair shook his head. "I have
to find my own way to deal with it. I can deal with it." Blair caught
the sceptical look the other man directed at him. "Well, I thought I could,
anyway."

"Sandburg, forgive me for pointing this out, but from where I'm standing..."
Jim's gaze pointedly swept the younger man, encompassing the haunted look
in Blair's eyes, the tension in his muscles and the dishevelled, sweat- damp
T-shirt that completed the package. All of them bore mute witness to the
fact that Blair wasn't handling what had happened to him.

"I know," Blair admitted unhappily. "But I can't figure out a way to get
him out of my head! Just thinking about what he did... it creeps me out,
man, you know. He killed them and then he walked about trying to be
them. That's sick... And he would have done the same to me. He stood there
and - and mimicked me, Jim. I can't believe how close..."

He laid a tentative hand on Blair's shoulder, watching for any adverse reaction.
There was none, so Jim carefully slid a little closer. He moved his hand
slowly across Blair's back, until his arm was fully around the younger man's
shoulders. Blair seemed to relax into the touch and Jim breathed a little
easier as he curved his hand around Blair's arm, completing the comforting
embrace.

"Thanks, Jim," Blair murmured, allowing himself to be gathered in a little
closer.

"For what?" Jim asked carefully.

"For listening... for making me feel safe." Blair tilted his head and Jim
could just see the faint trace of a smile on his lips. "My Blessed Protector,
right?"

"Right," agreed Jim. He found he rather liked Blair thinking of him that
way. After all, he asked himself, where would he be if he didn't have Blair
to help him handle this whole deal with his heightened senses? Without him
he'd still be convinced he was going crazy, his senses out of control. He
needed Blair around - and David Lash had nearly taken the young man from
him.

Before he could think better of it, or stop to wonder at his motives, Jim
bent his head and dropped a soothing kiss on Blair's sleep-tangled curls.
The scent of Blair's hair immediately filled his nostrils, jolting Jim as
he realised what he'd just done. He froze as he heard the sudden spike in
Blair's pulse rate and then felt the younger man tense again. Jim loosened
his grip on Blair, ready to let him go. He expected an abrupt withdrawal,
but it didn't come. Blair merely looked up at Jim, his blue eyes wide and
startled.

"Jim?" he asked hesitantly. "What? Oh man..."

"Sandburg, damn, I'm sorry!" Jim hurriedly began to withdraw his arm, but
Blair reached up and caught hold of his hand, stopping him from completing
the movement.

"No, Jim, I didn't mean it like that. You don't have to be," Blair finished
softly.

"Then... you don't mind?" Jim asked, the worry still in his eyes.

A sudden, blinding smile graced Blair's face. "Mind? Jim, I've been trying
to figure out a way to... but I just didn't think you..." His words trailed
off as his expressive hands tried to find a way to fill in the gaps.

"Didn't think I what?" Jim frowned. "Sandburg?"

"You know - went for guys." Blair shrugged. He regarded Jim curiously, as
if trying to reshape all his previous perceptions of his room-mate. "Looks
like I was wrong."

Jim gave a short laugh. "Well, maybe not entirely," he conceded. "I wouldn't
say it's something I've made a habit of, but I do make exceptions - for the
right guy."

"And am I?" There was just a touch of uncertainty in Blair's voice.

"The right guy?" queried Jim.

Blair nodded, hopefulness sparkling in the clear blue of his eyes.

"Oh yeah..." There wasn't even a trace of doubt in Jim's response.

"Jim."

"Yeah?"

Blair took a deep breath before asking, "Will you kiss me again? Properly."

Jim could hear the rapid cadence of his partner's heartbeat. Was it desire
or nervousness Blair was feeling? He reached out with his sense of smell
as well, but the scent of the fear-sweat left over from Blair's nightmare
masked anything more subtle. "If it's what you want," he agreed softly.

"Oh yeah, it is..." And there was no doubting the note of need underlying
Blair's words.

Certain now, Jim carefully shifted Blair until the younger man was facing
him, still held firmly in the shelter of his encircling arm. Then he leaned
in and touched his lips to those of his Guide for the first time. Jim dialled
up both touch and taste, wanting to experience this new sensation to the
full. Blair's lips were enticingly soft and sweet and Jim felt as if he would
be happy to zone out on their taste and texture alone.

But Blair's mouth did not remain passive under Jim's gentle explorations.
It moved hungrily against his, awakening a host of new sensations. The moist
tip of an inquisitive tongue traced sensual patterns against Jim's lips until
he groaned and let them part. And the rough/soft invader darted inside, making
itself at home in Jim's mouth just as its owner had, almost without him being
aware of it, made himself so comfortably at home in Jim's life.

As the kiss deepened Jim reached up, tangling his fingers in Blair's tousled
curls. He hadn't realised just how long he'd been wanting to do that for.
The strands were warm and silky against his fingertips, somehow they felt
so essentially Blair. As Jim began to catalogue all the other small
but distinctive elements that together made up the responsive body in his
arms the sudden barrage of sensory input threatened to overwhelm him. Jim
could feel his arousal spiking off the scale and a tiny warning voice in
his head cautioned, Too fast!

With an effort Jim forced himself to heed it, slowly turning down the dials
until they were at a manageable level. He wanted Blair. That had become startling
clear to him, but it wasn't that simple - not yet. Blair was still recovering
from a highly traumatic experience. It was doubtful if he was thinking entirely
clearly; so Jim had to be the voice of reason for both of them. What if Blair
really only wanted something to blot out the unpleasant reality of his
nightmares? If that was the case and Jim allowed this to go any further...
well, it wouldn't be fair on either of them.

Blair was still kissing him with a single-minded intensity. Very carefully
Jim pulled back, reluctantly allowing their mouths to separate. He kept his
fingers threaded into Blair's hair, though, not wanting to withdraw completely.

Blair's lips were wet and slightly swollen from the kiss. He looked a little
dazed, his eyes dark with pleasure. "Oh man!" he whispered huskily as he
stared back at Jim. "That was..."

"Good?" suggested Jim tentatively, his own voice rough.

"Try incredible!" Blair gave a quick grin. "Whoaaaa...."

Jim couldn't help but return the smile, Blair's delight was infectious. "Glad
you thought so, Chief. I guess it was a long time in the making." Carefully
Jim tucked Blair in close against his side. The warmth from his body felt
good, but conveyed less urgency than the kiss had done. Slowly Jim managed
to bring his rampant hormones back under control.

"Is something wrong?" Blair asked cautiously when the silence began to stretch
out.

"This..." Jim hesitated. He wanted to explain, but he didn't want to say
the wrong thing. After all, it wasn't that he didn't want this. "It - it's
just that everything seems to be happening a little fast here. Don't you
think?"

"No, that isn't what I meant!" Jim interrupted hurriedly. "I'm saying this
all wrong, aren't I. I just - I don't want you to do anything for the wrong
reasons."

Blair processed this in silence for a long moment. Finally he looked up at
Jim, frowning slightly. "You think this is only happening because of the
nightmare, right?"

Jim nodded. "Yeah."

"So you think maybe I'm just doing this to try and block out those memories?"
Blair continued, drawing out the words slowly.

"Maybe, I don't..." Jim shook his head, frustrated.

"Jim, no!" Blair insisted.

"How can you be so sure?" Jim pinned the younger man with his gaze. "Blair,
until tonight I'd never even admitted to myself that I was attracted to you
and you'd never given any indication that you might have feelings for me.
And now... this! I don't know about you, but I think *I* need a little time
here. Tempting as it is..."

Blair lowered his eyes from Jim's. "If you're not sure, then..."

"You're not listening to me." Jim gently tilted Blair's head back until their
gazes locked again. "I am sure. I just don't want us to rush things;
we have plenty of time. If our relationship... progresses then I don't want
the shadow of David Lash hanging over us. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Blair nodded. "You're right, Jim. I hear you. All the same..." He smiled
wistfully. "Well, not being on my own sounded like a nice idea. A guy can
get kind of lost in his thoughts alone in the dark."

Jim watched the conflicting emotions in Blair's blue eyes for a long moment.
Then, "Come to bed?" he asked softly.