17 February 2009

a letter

Dear Mom,

Thank you for teaching me to roller skate in the kitchen, and setting up all the chairs around the room so I could hold on. Thank you for giving me Heidi braids. Thank you for wrapping hot towels around my legs when I had growing pains. Thank you for dancing with me before dinner and singing Shall We Dance from The King and I. Thank you for knowing I needed lots of snuggles, and for snuggling me. Thank you for my brother.

Thank you for hanging that beautiful rose and ribbon wall paper in my bedroom. Thank you for letting me shove things under my bed when I was supposed to be cleaning. Thank you for my Baby Beth doll and all the clothes you made for her. That was pure magic on Christmas morning. Thank you for my sister. More pure magic.

Thank you for moving our family to a tiny mountain town (even though I hated it at the time). Thank you for trying to keep it together as long as you could. Thank you for saying sorry. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for making holidays so beautiful. Thank you for making my prom dress, and for not laughing when what I wanted was a copy of an Oscar de la Renta gown in Vogue. Thank you for not laughing that it had a giant baby pink satin bow on the back, and for making the dress fit me like a glove. Thank you for eating the eggs I made for you even though I covered them in salt.

Thank you for all the laughter-filled goofy scrabble games, and for making up words that made my sides split. Thank you for calico. Thank you for ordering that rugby shirt from J.Crew for me even though you couldn't afford it. Thank you for the gift that was our last few weeks together. Thank you for being strong in the end. Thank you for telling me you would have loved me the way I needed you to, if only you could have. I didn't know it then but now I realize, of course you would have. Thank you for that one healing, beautiful, all-encompassing sentence that saved my life at the end of yours. Thank you for holding my hand.

It's been three years. I've learned so much. I wish you were here. I think we could finally have been the type of friends you so longed for us to be. I longed for that too, but was scared. I'm not scared anymore.

Comments

a letter

Dear Mom,

Thank you for teaching me to roller skate in the kitchen, and setting up all the chairs around the room so I could hold on. Thank you for giving me Heidi braids. Thank you for wrapping hot towels around my legs when I had growing pains. Thank you for dancing with me before dinner and singing Shall We Dance from The King and I. Thank you for knowing I needed lots of snuggles, and for snuggling me. Thank you for my brother.

Thank you for hanging that beautiful rose and ribbon wall paper in my bedroom. Thank you for letting me shove things under my bed when I was supposed to be cleaning. Thank you for my Baby Beth doll and all the clothes you made for her. That was pure magic on Christmas morning. Thank you for my sister. More pure magic.

Thank you for moving our family to a tiny mountain town (even though I hated it at the time). Thank you for trying to keep it together as long as you could. Thank you for saying sorry. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for making holidays so beautiful. Thank you for making my prom dress, and for not laughing when what I wanted was a copy of an Oscar de la Renta gown in Vogue. Thank you for not laughing that it had a giant baby pink satin bow on the back, and for making the dress fit me like a glove. Thank you for eating the eggs I made for you even though I covered them in salt.

Thank you for all the laughter-filled goofy scrabble games, and for making up words that made my sides split. Thank you for calico. Thank you for ordering that rugby shirt from J.Crew for me even though you couldn't afford it. Thank you for the gift that was our last few weeks together. Thank you for being strong in the end. Thank you for telling me you would have loved me the way I needed you to, if only you could have. I didn't know it then but now I realize, of course you would have. Thank you for that one healing, beautiful, all-encompassing sentence that saved my life at the end of yours. Thank you for holding my hand.

It's been three years. I've learned so much. I wish you were here. I think we could finally have been the type of friends you so longed for us to be. I longed for that too, but was scared. I'm not scared anymore.