Case Number 07930

Bewitched

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All Rise...

If the movie was anything like the television show Bewitched, Judge Ryan Keefer thinks, they would have traded out husbands halfway through the film. Will Smith and Nicole Kidman may have made for interesting viewing.

The Charge

"I love that show! Is that the one with the genie?"

Opening Statement

Have we had enough of turning old TV shows into big studio films? Please?
Aside from this remake of the '60s show by the same name, in 2005 there's been
one for The Dukes of Hazzard. There have
been unwanted remakes (The Longest Yard and The Amityville Horror) and
sequels to Miss Congeniality and
The Transporter that question one's
belief in the sanity of studio executives. Is Bewitched an island of
entertainment in an ocean of mediocrity?

Facts of the Case

Presuming for a second that no one has ever watched repeats of the television
show on Nick at Nite, the premise is that the central female character is
a real-life honest to goodness witch, whose family are the only ones aware of
her secret. In this new theatrical version, Nicole Kidman (The Hours) reprises the role first portrayed by
Elizabeth Montgomery, as a witch named Isabel who wants to live out her life as
a human being, renouncing her witch powers much to the dismay of her father
Nigel (Michael Caine, Batman
Begins). She lives in California, where Jack Wyatt (Will Ferrell, Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy)
is a top actor whose star has lost a bit of its shine, and his manager and agent
suggest recreating the Bewitched TV show, with Jack playing the husband
Darrin, thereby resurrecting his career.

Jack starts a massive casting call, and is unable to find the perfect
Samantha for the role. Almost by accident, he runs into Isabel, and immediately
casts her. Isabel is conflicted, since she doesn't want to use her powers
anymore, but when she finds out Wyatt's motives for her casting, she decides to
take matters in her own hands.

The Evidence

A film like this, with a hackneyed premise, did have some potential. Ferrell
was coming off of success as Ron Burgundy, and Kidman had shown a little bit of
her comedic chops in To Die For and to a lesser extent, Moulin
Rouge!. But in Bewitched, Kidman comes off as a dimwitted, breathy
blonde, and Ferrell is comedically neutered. He shows very little original humor
in the film, and the recurring male nudity, peppered with some scenes of
screaming or crying returned too. It's sad in a way, the dialogue, which wasn't
that funny to begin with, just doesn't hit its mark, and if you've seen him in
films like Old School or even Elf, he's clearly funnier than here. Conservatively,
he may say five things in the 102 minutes of Bewitched that are funny,
the rest is schmaltzy one-liners filled with pop-culture references that only
Californians may understand and react too, that is, if they were funny. Written
by Nora and Delia Ephron, responsible for other films like You've Got Mail and Michael, the story
goes from the television show to a romantic comedy, where a callous actor is
transformed into a lovesick puppy overnight, with very little explanation or
exposition.

And what is the center of this puppy's attention? Kidman plays a
prototypical bubblehead who is only smart when she decides to turn back clocks
for breakfast or to magically change the spending level on a credit card. She is
surrounded by assistants on the show whose names I don't remember and whose
performances I forget. And the woman has done such outstanding dramatic work,
and what little comedic work has been good, but this film is insulting to her
talent. It's like drinking milk from the fridge that expired two years ago. Now,
to the production's credit, casting Shirley MacLaine (Terms of Endearment) as Endora is a nice
touch, but like most everything else in the production, is a little recycled
(and was done in the Albert Brooks film Defending Your Life), and not too
enjoyable, although MacLaine does a lot with what little screen time she has.
Such is the case for Caine, who with his supporting role as Alfred in Batman Begins, can make whatever
shoddy film he wishes in between. Jaws The Revenge being the prime
example to his career.

All in all, the film was a horrible waste of time, both in the theater (yes,
I'm admitting to it, because that's the first step to acknowledging a problem)
and on video. Of all the directions the Ephrons could have taken with this, they
chose the worst one available and ran it into the ground for an hour and a
half.

As far as technical merits and supplemental materials go, there's not too
much worth remembering. The deleted scenes are bland, the featurettes are
generic, and there's a trivia quiz of about 35 questions that, at the end of it,
leads to nothing. Much like the film, it's an interesting premise with no
payoff. Another interesting note, the sisters Ephron explain that the story was
almost pulled together at the last minute, which I don't doubt.

The Rebuttal Witnesses

Until his starring role in The 40 Year Old Virgin, Steve Carell had
been stealing scenes in films like Anchorman. And in Bewitched, he
appears near the end as the ghost of the TV show's Uncle Arthur, played by the
late Paul Lynde. Carell's interpretation of Lynde is dead-on for anyone who ever
saw the comedian on the old Hollywood Squares shows of the '70s, and it's
very funny. He doesn't save this dog, but does help to stop the walkouts.

Closing Statement

You know how when you watch a trailer to a movie, like it, then you go see
the movie? At what point do you realize that the trailer contained not only the
best moments of the film, but the only entertaining moments of it? For me, it
was shortly after the second act of Bewitched. Movies have been far
funnier and better with lesser known stars, and another solid concept started by
television is left ruined by theatrical aspirations.

The Verdict

The filmmakers and actors are guilty on all counts. Court is adjourned;
please escort the parties out of the courtroom post haste, the court needs to
wash this bad taste out of its mouth with as much diesel fuel as possible.