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Category (STRESS)

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*All* houses are fixer-uppers
All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative
And what do I look like--the living?
As long as we're going insane, we might as well go the whole way. A mere shred of sanity is of no value.
Be nice to me--I'm out of Valium
Beware--I'm armed and have pre-menstrual tension
But this IS the simplified version for the general public!
Caution: Contents under pressure
Caution--I was not hired for my disposition
DISORGANIZATION is merely the sign of a very healthy individual trying to do more in a shorter period of time than those lazy, obsessively tidy types who can think of nothing better to do than straighten objects in drawers and stuff like that which only feeds their egos and makes them think that they are better than those of us who are truly gifted
Do not disturb. I had a hard enough time getting turbed in the first place
Don't look back--something might be gaining on you
Don't look back--the lemmings might be gaining on you
For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, press 3
Frogs are smart--they eat what bugs them
Fucking Great Crashing Waves of Stress!
grumble grumble growl hiss bitch whine piss moan
I am under the influence of sugar, caffeine, and lack of sleep, and should not be held responsible for my behavior
I don't have burnout, but I'm slightly singed
I keep hitting the escape key, but I'm still here
If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport
If it's not one thing, it's a BUNCH of things
If that which does not kill me makes me stronger, I must be Arnold Schwarzenegger by now
If you're going down in flames, you might as well hit something big
I'm feeling homicidal--say ANYTHING
I'm taking last week back to the store, and I won't even ask for a refund
It's a dog-eat-dog world, and I'm wearing milkbone underwear
It's been lovely, but I have to scream now
I've only got one nerve left, and you're getting on it
The less you bother me, the sooner you'll get results
Life imitates art, but does it have to imitate satire?
Life isn't always fair, but it shouldn't cheat that much
Life's a bitch, and she's back in heat
Main CPU down, batch processing only. One person at a time, please.
Maybe I'll become an evil genius and destroy the world and THEN I'll feel better
My life is like juggling Faberge' eggs in variable gravity
Never volunteer--they'll send you to earth
No job too big, no job too small, no job too stupid
No time to eat. No time to sleep. It's a good thing breathing is involuntary.
No wanna work! Wanna bang on keyboard!
Now is NOT a good time to annoy me
Nuke the world--I want to get off
Oh, no, not another learning experience!
One day I shall burst my bud of calm and blossom into hysteria
One hundred hairy bugs in the code, one hundred hairy bugs....Fix one bug, compile it again, 101 hairy bugs. Repeat until BUGS = 0
One of the symptoms of impending nervous breakdown is the belief that your work is terribly important
Overload--core meltdown initiated
[picture of gauge past overload]
Reality is the leading cause of stress
RTFM
SHE WHO would like to BE OBEYED at least some of the time
Some people live life in the fast lane. I live in oncoming traffic.
Sorry I'm late...Do we hate everyone, or should I concentrate on someone in particular
That which does not kill you may just be....toying
The therapist is NOT in
There ain't no such thing as a free weekend
There can't be a crisis next week--my schedule is already full
Time is supposed to keep everything from happening at once...it's not working
The trouble with being an adult is that it takes up so much of your time
Warning: One human being. Contents under pressure. Use only as directed.
Where am I going, and what am I doing in this handbasket?
Why do people with so few clues have so much time?
Will the deity who nailed the KOSMIC KARMIC KICKME sign to my back kindly remove it?
Would it save you some time if I just gave up and went mad now?
Would somebody PLEASE reboot the clue server?
Yea, though I walk through the valley of bad design, I will fear no tolerance, for I can just "work around it"
You don't have to be crazy to work here. We'll train you.
If children are God's little blessings, I'd hate to experience His wrath
I've had my weird shit quota for the week. Thank you.
If they call it common sense, shouldn't more people have it?
The Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) has determined that the maximum safe load capacity on my butt is 2 persons at one time unless I install handrails or safety straps. As you have arrived 6th in line to ride my ass today, please take a number and wait your turn.
Take your need for instant gratification somewhere else
You cannot really appreciate Dilbert until you have read it in the original Klingon
Ok, that was a little TOO educational
I didn't believe in entropy until I bought a house
I want to move to theory. Everything works in theory.
Yes, I'm working on it. No, I don't know when it will be done. DON'T ASK!
Do you know what it's like to be born a Messiah with no way of realizing your potential?
But I don't WANT to live in a Tom Clancy novel!
Anyone who throws loud all-night parties should have to live next to people who mow their lawns at dawn
What did I say that sounds like "Tell me about your life?"
I am NOT your spiritual scratching post
What we want is things that work, what we get is technology
Losing faith in humanity, one person at a time
Don't ask me about my dissertation
The person who says it can't be done shouldn't interrupt the person who is doing it
Religion isn't the opium of the people any more--it's speed
NOT BORN TO MULTI-TASK--would all tasks please line up in order?
Of those who say nothing, few are silent
Fast, Easy, Painless. Sorry, only one to a customer.
If you don't know where you're going, don't lead
This will have been fun
What I really need is minions, but I'll settle for my flying monkeys
I've had enough history, thank you
I don't want to nag you, BUT YOU LEAVE ME NO CHOICE!
What I really want is a phone with caller IQ
I'm only authorized to tell you that you're screwed
I've had enough history, thank you
I wish Facebook had a SMITE button
Please stop, you're getting the stupid on my shoes
Monday, Tuesday, then WTF
Dear whatever didn't kill me, I'm strong enough now. Thanks.
I turn the other cheek. I only have four of them, so SO DON'T OVERDO IT!

Stickers

I have seen the truth, and it makes no sense!
If I could get a firm grip on reality, I'd choke it!
Computers cut my work in half... and the boss expects me to put it all back together!
Where are we going? Why am I in this handbasket?
Some days, it's just not worth gnawing through the straps
I got out of bed for this?
This isn't a life it's a forced March!
You'd be like this, too, if they dropped a house on your sister!
EARTH IS FULL! GO HOME!
Some days, it's just not worth crawling out of the primordial ooze.
I have NOT lost my mind. It's backed up on the server. (and the network is down again...)
In my next life, I want more memory installed!

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Procrastinators go to hell, but not right away

Contact Nancy
Lebovitz to discuss anything you want; she's
friendly. This includes discussing the site, of course.
Or contact Joshua
Kronengold, who did most of the [perl] CGI and HTML
work on the site if you want to discuss similar work [He's not at
all cheap, but is good and fast].