5.30.2013

Can you believe it's the end of May already? And we haven't even celebrated around these parts! Cinco de Mayo? No, but May has been named National Masturbation Month! Go ahead and give yourself a hand.

Masturbation is something I'm often asked about. So many wonder if it's a sin to pleasure yourself since there are so many mixed messages given in faith communities and on the Internet. I used to seriously struggle with this answer until I came across an interesting Bible study that gave a pretty cool perspective.

It explained that the Bible does not directly talk about masturbation, good or bad, so it's difficult to draw conclusions on what "thus saith the Lord." What they did say, however, is that it is a gift. Masturbation gives you the ability to quench your thirsts without falling into sin or causing anyone else to fall either. They do caution, however, against using "perverted" imagery to either cause arousal or climax. Also, it's important that masturbation is simply a part of your sexual expression, not something that becomes a compulsion or ends up interfering with your everyday activities. As with anything, moderation is key. If you find that you cannot function without partaking in a specific activity (be it masturbating or using substances), it's a good idea to seek professional help.

So there you have it. Is masturbation a sin? Absolutely not. However, it's important that you understand why so many caution against it. I believe people speak against masturbation because they're afraid people will become bound to it. Will some people? Possibly, but it doesn't make the practice evil.

Also, it's important to understand your body and know what pleases you. YOU are responsible for your orgasm. Yes, even in partnered sex. You are responsible. I think it's unfair to blame another person for your dissatisfaction. Are there horrible sex partners? Of course. However, it's important that you educate yourself on your own body so you can guide your partner in pleasing you.

5.28.2013

I’m not a porn connoisseur, but I understand that many people may view pornographic videos to get ideas on how to spice things up in the bedroom. Yes, I'm a Christian and no I don't believe that all material seen as pornographic is essentially evil. HOWEVER, I am wise enough to know that you should not try everything you see in these videos, no matter how the participants seem to enjoy themselves. Also, it's important to realize that most of these videos show things that "look" good, not necessarily feel good to the participants, but let's save that for another post.
A few weeks ago, I came across an article on The Huffington Post where they described a man who had to have a 20-inch eel surgically removed. He watched a video where someone put an eel in their anus for sexual gratification and decided to try this for himself. Apparently, things didn’t go as planned. The eel ended up chewing through his large intestine and was found in his body cavity trying to find a way out. The eel was still alive when the surgical team removed it, but died a short time later. I believe the man will possibly face animal cruelty charges.
Oddly enough, this is not the first eel extraction recorded.
Ladies and Gentleman, this post is not to discourage you from watching videos to get ideas on enhancing your sexual experiences. Also, this post is not aimed at discouraging anal sex. However, it’s important that you’re realistic in the things you decide to try. Here are some questions to ask yourself or your partner:

Could this end in death, dismemberment, or a quick trip to the emergency room?

Will I and/or my partner enjoy it?

Why am I doing this in the first place?

Honestly, I encourage people to think outside the box and have fun in the bedroom (or kitchen, or…you get the idea). On the other hand, it’s important that in exploring those boundaries, you establish safety and set yourself up for a great experience and not a medical emergency. If things don’t pan out exactly as they did in the video, shake it off. Learn from the missteps and laugh. Sex doesn’t have to be serious. Have fun! But don’t stick animals up your anus; it might not end well.

Who is De-Andrea?

I'm licensed in the State of Missouri as a Clinical Social Worker, currently in the credentialing process to be certified as a Sex Therapist through the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. I'd also describe myself as a worshipper, sister, friend, teacher, student, daughter, motivator, and catalyst for change. For more information or to schedule an appointment, contact me at AskASexTherapist@gmail.com or 314-877-8510.