Your Blogging Staff

Contributing to this blog:
- "Dave" is Dave Barry, who is a humor columnist and presidential contender.
- "judi" is Judi Smith, who is Dave's Research Department, as well as being interested in men.
- "Walter" is Walter, a bone from the penis of a walrus.

*i'm thinking i could make grilled-cheese sandwiches with various notable's images on them rather easily*
I think later today I will "discover" a grilled cheese sandwich with Dave Barry's face on it. How much will you give me?

"Let's get lunch, I'm starved!"
"Ok."
"I'll have the St. Francis' Meat Lovers Hoagie."
"That'll be eight bucks."
"And I'll have the Miracle Virgin Grilled Cheese Sandwich, with a side of frustrated boyfriend chips."
"That'll be $28,000 bucks."
"Wow! What if I don't have the chips?"

Now I'm really mad that I ate those mashed potatoes that formed an image of Elvis. I bet I could have gotten at least $30,000 from some incredibly stupid casino owners somewhere. Maybe The Donald would have bought them to help shore up his crumbling empire.

"Mom, we need to talk."
"Yes J?"
"It's about your appearances."
"Yes?"
"Well, I mean, the sky over the Mojave desert, for example, that was a bit cruel, wasn't it? Several people were bitten by scorpions and snakes, died of exposure, and all so that they could snap a picture of a cloud and go home to certain ridicule."
"But..."
"And in that window at Milton Hospital, in Massachusetts... you made a poor undocumented worker fall to his maiming."
"But I healed him."
"That's not the point. People are just milling about trees in Hartford Connecticut claiming to see you in the bark."
"Oh they've built some lovely shrines there, and about a block away you can get the best pretzels."
"But this latest appearance, mother, it's over the top. I mean, a grilled cheese sandwich? It's been sold for $28,000 dollars!"
"I know! And I goofed that one! I wasn't even ready and sort of was half turning - well, to tell you the truth even I can't see my likeness in that sandwich."
"Look, no more."
"But I'm bored."
"Now, you've got to stay put."
"What about the super bowl halftime?"
"Cancel"
"Booger."

Crash — maybe the casino could arrange with that "very ward-robed and wigged woman we all know" to have the sandwich and its (not it's) creator accompany her on her never-ending Farewell Tour.

In exchange, the VWRAWWWAK would receive an open-ended engagement at the casino for her "Farewell to the Farewell Tour" Show which (by the grace of the grilled-cheese sandwich) would begin immediately after the Brisbane, Australia performance of the Farewell Tour.

And the little girl said to the young man who had called on her sister; "My sister, Mary can't come right now. She is constipated (consecrating uh, concentrating) on macaronni!" (uh, marriage) (I can't spell worth a d-mn)

I see an opportunity for someone to invent and market a new tech gadget: a toaster that toasts detailed silk-screened patterns of religious figures and celebrities onto the bread (and Barney and the Wiggles for the kids, of course). Equipped with a wireless NIC, you can download new toast patterns to it through the toaster company's website. The possibilities are endless. Now you can bite Barry Manilow's head off!

Am I the only person who noticed that right next to the mother of god, to the right of her cheek, is the clear image of an otter (I don't think it's a beaver, the head is too sleek.) with a gleaming eye? I wonder what God was trying to say with that.