You DO know him right? The final round is at an end and I am very pleased with the results, many funny answers. Omega has been the indisputable winner of the competition but there have been more than a few worthwhile contestants that lifted my mood with their replies and I am not just talking about the top of the list
It's been a blast guys but I am done with updating this thread.
Instead I decided to relinquish the position to Omega that I not only know to be a swell guy but has also proven himself.

Be gentle to them as you were to me in the war

Waiting for pandora to award qps to the first places.

TnT: "Mommy I want daddy!!"
Hehe 2pts.

Omega: Ever the healthnut, Gormack followed his doctor's advice about eating more white meat and smaller portions to the letter.
That's nice 2pts.

Lexxan: "Lurtz, I think we got the wrong Hobbit..."
Think so? 2pts.

Anti: "Aaaa Im cuming"
Arguably one of the worst attempts at a joke that I have ever seen. -2pts.

Eugen_Cosmarul: After undergoing an easy appendicitis surgery at doctor Naum Ciomu the father returns home.
Could be worse, he could have been missing things 2pts.

Asheera: After seeing a movie about cannibal tribes, the mother explained to the little kid that they were just actors and the eating of other people was a fake. The kid, assured of safety, goes to a cannibal black person.
"Mommy, you said cannibals like him are just actors!"
Cute but could be better 1pt.

Keksimaton: Tip of the day: When you are LARPing make shure that the most hardcore aren't playing the baby eating orcs.
Disturbing. 0pts.

mvass: The first affirmative-action outside restaurant.
Haha it could work 3pts.

AlkarRahn: Legolas under the affects of reduce person.
Might be 3pts.

PhoenixReborn: They've seen Ubival's plans for Heroes 6!
NOOOOO 3pts.

mamga: Take your dad to school day!
Heehee 3pts.

Geny:Judging by the Uruk-Hai's forehead there are some HUGE birds in Middle Earth.
Awesome 4pts.

Galev: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! Carnivorous kid! Get it off me get it off me!!!
You know what they say, they are more afraid of you than you are of them 2pts.

While look for funny pictures of old people, I discovered there is a really disturbing amount of naked old people on the internet. Having no desire to expose anybody to the images burned into my mind, I've decided to go a different route.

____________
The giant has awakened
You drink my blood and drown
Wrath and raving I will not stop
You'll never take me down

@Geny
It crossed my mind too but I wasn't sure. In Greek the literal translation is: They give you a donkey and you stare it at at its teeth?
____________
Have you ever tried blind fold archery? You don't know what you're missing!