Summer blockbusters

Summer movie season is spelled in box office gold, so we’re reviewing like-minded films today with a myriad of new releases now at (or about to hit) your local cineplex.

Wonder Woman ####

Bringing this story to the big screen has been an ongoing drama. So the fact that it’s been stunningly executed for a massive audience of any sex proves that, ever so often, a good thing really is worth waiting for. The gorgeous Diana (Gal Gadot) is not your typical, almost S&M-like Lynda Carter of many moons ago; here, she is Amazon royalty. But when things go awry and she meets a downed trooper (Chris Pine looking more effeminate than ever), the situation takes a turn. Director Patty Jenkins has stuck close to the original plot of the comic, and as she is a US Army brat herself, she has detailed emotions throughout the film that have sorely been lacking in most superhero/ine comic flicks of late. I wish there had been a bit more coherence throughout the history-bending scenes, but it is undoubtedly a film that speaks truths to how mankind has doomed us to our fate, and how womanhood might just save us yet. Thing is: everyone has to stand and fight together.

There was a time when any film by Johnny Depp made audiences and critics take notice. Alas, that time has seemingly come and gone. Even with such a successful series as Pirates of the Caribbean, the Disneyland-ride-turned-film-series comes to summer audiences off the heels of a messy divorce and a slew of somewhat palatable movies over the last couple of years. The plot is another take on the same old shtick, which the series is known for, but at least it does that a bit better than the last film, which was atrocious and still made a billion dollars. A young pirate meets a lovely runaway girl and must contact Captain Sparrow to help him when the ghost of a pirate named Salazar (played eerily by Javier Bardem) comes for revenge blah blah blah. Depp is funny to watch as Sparrow but he certainly has that drunk act down... And frankly, all supporting actors are fine in their roles, but a fifth instalment of this now dead franchise is as hokey as all the silly ghosts flitting about the film.

Deep down, I think everyone can agree that this franchise is the least-loved Disney/Pixar one around. It’s too by the book and fails to compare to the original of yesteryear. That said, this entry number three in the series brings us a hodgepodge of odes to recent adult films like the last Rocky flicks and even bloody Moneyball (2011), as a way to steer in adults, but the only kind of cute thing about any of it is Lightning McQueen (again voiced by Owen Wilson), coming to terms with the fact that maybe he isn’t the fastest badass in the shoppe anymore. Mortality and acceptance morale aside, this film franchise should be given a slow, peaceful goodbye now.

I came into this screening doubtful and very slowly gave way to an odd sort of enjoyment—this will only happen to you if you keep in mind that the new version of The Mummy is the remake of a strictly B-movie classic. In fact, the idea is to remake all of Universal’s Dark Universe horror classics for the new age. I’m still not sure how I feel about that. After conjuring the ancient demon of Princess Ahmanet (ex-Madonna dancer Sofia Boutella), the mission is to reincarnate her inside the body of a virile human being, and guess who that is? Tommy! Russell Crowe plays Dr. Jekyll in a Cockney-styled vibrato, and while the whole idea, the settings and some action sequences are fun in this incredibly slick production, there's no soul. Mehhh but still enjoyable.

So far, this blockbuster summer is a bombastic snooze-fest or, at least, a quiet rumble in the jungle. Watching talented stars like Zac Efron and Dwayne Johnson try to one-up what was once the most-popular international TV series (nearly a quarter century after it started!) feels a wee bit beleaguered on the silver screen but the rock-hard pair redeemed the flick. And it's fun to see cameos by Hasselhoff and Anderson, but only some good comic timing well into the film makes it palatable. When the gimmicks start to flow halfway through, I started to wonder who was tending to the bay and the beach! After all, what the heck are they there for? Director Seth Gordon could have done with a stronger script and smarter timing, but somewhere out there there's an audience who will likely lap it up.

Tags

Lucas Cavazos

As a teen and young adult, Lucas split his life between Brooklyn and South/Central Texas. Through the myriad of changes and adjustments as he got older, a quiet escape could always be found in the tranquil solitude of a cinema seat…granted, this was some years before the bedbug outbreak that infested many cinemas in NYC not too long ago.