Tiger Woods[2] is bummed. And not for any of the first few million reasons you would think.

Like most basketball fans, the Los Angeles area native and Lakers fan just wants the NBA back. Asked about the league’s lockout during a media session[3] prior to the Chevron World Challenge in Thousand Oaks, Calif., Woods couldn’t help but take a jab at the Celtics:

“Yeah, of course I’m bummed. I think anybody who is an NBA fan is certainly bummed. I know that probably one person who is happy is probably Doc Rivers[4]. I mean, with the age of his team, it’s nice for them to only play half a season. It’s true. It’s a fact, come on.

“But as far as us out west, I’m looking forward to the Lakers getting back there and we’ll see what they do. The problem is you can’t talk to anybody. You can’t see who is potentially on the block of being traded, what kind of deals can we do? Nothing can be happening.

“So as a fan, it’s disconcerting because I’m excited about what we could add to the team, but it’s also I understand this is business, and everyone in this business wants to make money. I know the owners were losing a bunch of money, and some of the markets were feeling the effects. They can’t draw certain players, so they’re just trying to make it fair for everybody so everybody can win.”

Since Rivers would never fire back at Woods, I’ll take this opportunity to do it for him.

Dear Tiger,

I hope all is well. How’s the sex addiction rehab going?

Anyhow, never mind the fact that the Lakers performed worse in the playoffs last season than you did at the PGA Championship[5] and never mind that they owe Metta World Peace and Steve Blake[6] almost as much over the next three seasons as you paid Elin Nordegren in the divorce, but consider this: The Lakers were older than the Celtics and almost everyone else[7] in the NBA last season.

Oh, and another thing: During the last NBA lockout in 1998-99, teams played 50 games in 89 days. That translated into three back-to-back-to-back stretches and 12 more back-to-backs for the Celtics over the course of just three months.

Considering the Celtics recorded a putrid 8-11 record this past season on the second night of back-to-backs — including a 2-8 record in their last 10 — I don’t think Doc Rivers would be too excited about playing half a season.

So, just a little advice: Avoid any NBA conversation like it’s a Perkins waitress.

Best, Ben

P.S. Speaking of old athletes, how’s the knee holding up?

PRESIDENT OBAMA: ‘I’M A FOURTH-QUARTER PLAYER’

Count President Barack Obama among those who want the NBA back. During the chief executive’s appearance at a Florida fundraiser hosted by Doc Rivers among others on Tuesday, Obama quipped[8], “The reason I came here is I’m trying to resolve the NBA lockout. We need our basketball.”

A self-proclaimed “fourth-quarter player,” Obama claimed, “I don’t miss my shots in the fourth quarter.” In a related note, the NBA is still locked out.

Because the NBA canceled the Celtics’ first six games — including home contests against the Cavaliers[11], Bobcats and Clippers — business around the Boston Garden are taking a hit. The Herald[12] and Globe[13] both published news pieces on the economic effects of the lockout in Boston. Both cited this number from the Boston Redevelopment Authority: The Celtics faithful spends $1.85 million per home game on ticket sales, food/drinks, souvenirs/retail and transportation. Of course, $1.44 million of that is spent inside the Garden.

Still, you’ve got to feel for the ushers and concession workers inside the arena and the owners of The Four’s, Sullivan’s Tap and everywhere else around the building. Trust me when I tell you that area is absolutely dead when there isn’t a game going on. …