Tuesday, May 17, 2016

I never realized 30 would feel so good. Lots of people look at me and ask me "are you a student?" Though I know I should be flattered at their underlying complement (I look so young), I can't help but feel like that 8-year-old who has to constantly correct you, I'm 8 and a half!

Not that anyone's trying to insult me, but in my rich and vast 30 years I've powered through, made the best, and enjoyed every second of the life I was given and have built. I have to say I'm pretty damn proud of myself for not only achieving my dreams, but created new ones along the way, thrived in life's surprises, and growing every minute of everyday. So when someone thinks I only look 20, I feel slightly upset that the experiences of my last decade seemingly don't exist. But I know they're there, you know they're there, and I wouldn't trade a second of my tiny insignificant life. :)

2016 has been an interesting year for me. As many of you may know, I lost my job as Executive Director of Fitness Council of Jackson at the end of January. Seeing as the organization shut down for good, I was able to collect unemployment benefits. This meant that I could still cover at least some of my expenses even if I wasn't employed right away. I was thrilled to be able to take at least a couple weeks just for me. To be with myself and listen, to exactly what it is I wanted. A friend of mine told me "we have period's of living and we have periods of just being." I couldn't have agreed more, and he affirmed my desire to just be.

My couple of weeks turned into about six-eight of no work. However, I still took this time to put myself first by reading, studying, mediating, and spending all too much time streaming Netflix. The way I feel now I realized I needed that break more than I thought I did and taking it solidified many of the lessons I was trying to teach myself in the months previous.

After finally reaching a point of increasing low self-esteem, I decided to give up the full time job search and embrace the fortunate situation that I had at hand. I had several months of unemployment benefits coming my way, if I need them, and I had the time to do exactly the things that made me happy. Everything came together for me as I starting work at the Ella Sharp Museum, working with CCC Catering, and freelancing for Jackson Magazine. I love the variety of work that I get to do, plus there's no stress involved! I get to leave work at work!

I've been told that you can get to a certain age and things just click for you. I don't know if it has to do with turning 30 for me, or the many other things that have recently been happening to me, but for me now is that time. Spending the last several months focusing on listening to myself has brought me closer than I ever have been. I know now that all my self worth comes from within, and I need to respect myself and my own desires, and it leaves me never questioning the way I am. I'm growing and changing everyday, but the last few years have been gold for me.

Years ago my family used to make birthday videos for each other, in a sort of This is Your Life fashion. Skits and things from funny stories in their past. As family members were getting videos for 30th or 40th birthdays, at the tender age of 13, I wished like hell I could get one. My logic was, that when I turned 30 all my aunts and uncles would be so old and crusty, getting around in wheel chairs, that they wouldn't be able to do that for me. Just as I demanded I got my wish and my uncle Vince, made me a sweet homage to my short 13 years. The love he poured into it is evident in his final speech to the camera at the end. I had that birthday video along with other family ones put on DVDs to show at my birthday party. Crowded around the t.v. I was happy to have helped my family relive the past and see old members who have left the Earth. However, the crazy thing is, here I am 30 now, and though they are a little old and maybe a little crusty (Just kidding), my family aren't all in wheel chairs after all. To a 13-year-old mind time seems to be so vast and long. But, now to a 30-year-old mind looking back it seems to have been little more than a beautiful blip in a life well lived.