Ah, baseball. The crack of the bat. The feel of the grass. The smell of burning hair, as 1200 volts of electricity course through a 17-year-old's nervous system.

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We've also got a name to attach to the tasee — Steve Consalvi, a high school senior from GIlbertsville, about an hour northwest of the city. But names don't matter if we can find a good nickname. No one remembers Matthew Clemmens. Everyone rememebers Pukemon. So, Mr. Consalvi, I dub thee: "Voltron."

Consalvi, who'll be quite welcome at Penn State this fall, even called his father beforehand, asking for permission to act the fool.

He said, 'Dad, can I run on the field? I said, 'I don't think you should, son.' "

"This would be a once in a lifetime experience!" the son said.

The Inquirer breathlessly reports that this is the first time a fan has been Tasered on the field at Citizens Bank Park, as if that's a stat that a)the team should keep track of, and b)fans should applaud finally getting on the scoreboard.

Consalvi was charged as a juvenile with resisting arrest, disorderly conduct and defiant trespass. He also now controls the power of electricity, and will be using his newfound gift to fight crime.