Babies, it has been proven, don’t wake sleeping men. Now we can add to the list of things that men sleep through Jimmy Dean alarm clocks set for 3 a.m. by mischievous middle schoolers.

I know this, because when the alarm clock, a “gift” from my BlogHer swag bag, began blaring in the middle of the night, the menfolk in my house kept on sleeping.

Well, I suspect that the younger menfolk were merely pretending to sleep, especially the child in the bed just five feet from the alarm clock.

But my husband, he was actually snoring, at least until I jumped out of bed, stormed down the hall and turned off the alarm clock. That appeared to stop the snoring, but not much else.

Ten minutes later, when the alarm clock sounded again just as I’d managed to get my heart out of my throat, Hubby was no longer snoring, but he said and did nothing while I wondered who had the night watch in caveman times. Certainly, the women listened for saber tooth tigers while the men snored or we wouldn’t be here today.

I stormed down the hall again, threw on the lights in my son’s room while he continued to pretend to sleep, opened the battery hatch on the back of the alarm clock ,which implored me to “Shine on” in red letters, yanked out the battery and threw the clock into the garbage can.

Happy freakin’ new year.

This morning — at a more respectable hour — I found both of my middle schoolers silently eating their Cheerios at the breakfast table.

“Okay, who did it?” I asked.

“What?” they said, feigning confusion.

“The alarm clock,” I explained. “Who set it for 3 a.m.?”

“Not me,” they said, both with what my mother would call “square mouths.” Then they broke out laughing.

“I had to turn it off twice,” I complained.

“Well, you should have turned it off the right way the first time,” my seventh grader dared.

“Oh I turned it off alright. I yanked out the battery and dumped the entire thing in the garbage. And I can turn you off, too,” I warned.

They giggled, and I did, too. Sorta.

When my husband came downstairs, I asked, “So, how about that this morning?”

“What?” he asked, no square mouth there.

Babies and Jimmy Dean alarm clocks. Thank goodness there are no saber tooth tigers around here.