-The
movie festival... and the coughing continues,
but I've got a few things on my mind.

-I
saw a small crusty old man in a humongous
new monster truck, and it struck me as wholly
incongruous. Most of the time when you see
someone driving one of those, they look
like a redneck Quagmire, fighting with their
desire to look cool, all the while knowing
that they're hung like fruit fly. What was
that relic doing in that truck? We may never
know.

-Hey,
let the Beefboy run an idea by you. Bands
create music videos for just about every
album out there, but there's no place to
see the videos. How about creating a cable
network, specifically designed to show those
videos... like a radio station, but on television...
it would be like Music Television... get
it?

W-what
was that? They already have one of those?
And it's called Music Television? Well,
they certainly aren't showing videos on
MTV! They're not showing many videos on
M2 either. In fact, to see any videos at
all, you have to watch VH-1 very late at
night, or like country music... and this
cowboy don't play that shit.

What
MTV has become is a shit-stained amalgam
of reality programs, game shows and award
shows (by the way, MTV having the Video
Music Awards, when they don't actually show
videos, is a lot like BET hosting the Old
Money Cracker Awards)! In fact, while I
appreciated new programming, like Unplugged
and Liquid Television, it was the
90's that forever ruined MTV with the invention
of The Real World.

Once
executives got a taste of the numbers that
The Real World brought to their
network, suddenly they couldn't make enough
of those shows, and they had a big problem...
no time for videos. You can also blame The
Real World for every reality show on
television today (Rollergirls included).

The
problem is that if you really enjoy music
videos as an art form, where the hell can
you see them? I can remember watching MTV
when it first came on the air. They ran
back-to-back videos, with absolutely no
politics, graft or bullshit. You'd get David
Bowie, followed by the Rolling
Stones, followed by Genesis, then the Buggles,
Prince, Debbie
Harry and the Art of Noise... they
were all over the map! This deluge of visually
oriented music, from a large variety of
sources, deeply influenced my own love of
all kinds of music (except country- everyone
says, "except country..." okay,
I don't like polka, or bluegrass, or yodeling
either).

I'd
seriously like to see someone step up and
take the street cred away from MTV. They
are no longer cool. MTV has jumped the shark.
Cool counter-culture programming doesn't
involve Andy Milinokis,
or 16 year old brats whining that it's their
"special day" or Candid Camera
"reimagined", or anything to do
with Kurt Loder. Anything.

If
you like music videos, you can find some
online. Video
Code Pro, is not bad, but I'd like to
see a place that has some sort of filtering,
or offers programming, as opposed to just
letting you find groups you already know.
Part of the brilliance of early MTV was
its random nature. I'd hang on just to see
what came up next, and be exposed to some
really great new stuff.

Is
anyone out there? All these music executives
who can't figure out what is happening to
their market need to be listening to the
Beefboy. If you boys and girls would get
together and start your own channel, you
could offer us a panoply of music and drive
new consumers to your product.

Then
I'd get to stay up late and have that great
inner war over getting some decent sleep,
or staying up to experience something new
and inspiring.

December
24, 2005

-The
Beefboy has been fighting more than injustice
this Christmas- it looks like I'm fighting
the flu too. Still, I wanted to take a few
moments off from drinking fluids and finally
catching up on some movie-watching (being
sick can have its good points), to wish
all of the Beefantics, and the new visitors,
a very Merry Christmas!

When
I'm fully back in business, there's going
to be a ton of new content, including something
that I've wanted to do for a long time...
Podcasts!

Benny,
Tammy, Oversoul, and everyone else who writes
regularly, you're in my thoughts this time
of year. I hope that everyone is safe and
happy.

Next
year is going to fucking rock!

Dig
it!

December
17, 2005

-Now
Oral-B has a toothbrush with an "onboard
computer". Who the fuck needs an onboard
computer in their fucking toothbrush?!!
(Okay, I've seen some rednecks and tree-huggers
who need that.) The Beefboy doesn't need
his toothbrush to hold his hand and neither
do you!

-Do
you ever watch Cheaters? I have
to admit the guilty pleasure of seeing cheaters
caught with their pants down in front of
a TV crew. Now the Cheaters crew,
including host Joey Greco,
has been slapped with an assault
charge. Nothing says "smarm"
like Joey Greco, so I'm not shedding any
tears here.

December
13, 2005

-Whew!
The Beefboy had one hell of a great but
long weekend and I needed to rest my ass
last night, but I'm back, baby!

-So,
the last time I mentioned Sienna
Miller, she had broken up with
Jude Law for slipping the
sausage to his nanny. Fast forward about
four months and she's back with the cheater,
because he's a "changed man".
Sienna's
dad has threatened to kill Jude if he
cheats on her again!

Here's
some breaking news for Sienna and all you
other chicks out there. Dudes don't change.
Shame on all of you for believing that horseshit.
If a nutsack will cheat on you once, he's
just going to be more clever about it next
time. Period. Bank on it. Better to find
a guy like the Beefboy, who always respects
his lady.

-The
United States Post Office will hike stamp
prices by 2 cents at the first of next year.
Naturally, you're thinking that they are
deep in debt, so they have to make up for
that right? Well, if that's what you think,
you're wrong. See, the USPS has recently
paid off 11 billion dollars in debt, and
now has a surplus of money, but for some
reason, Congress has decreed that they must
generate 3 more billion dollars for an escrow
account. Why? I thought the United States
Postal Service was a non-profit agency.
I want to know what Congress plans to do
with that money. Sounds like a backdoor
tax to the Beefboy... and when I say "back
door" I mean "anal rape"!

-Let's
talk about low flow toilets. I grew up in
a house that was built in the 70's. It had
a number of crappers that had a good resounding
American flush! In the mid-nineties, some
hippie freaks decided that low flow toilets
should be installed everywhere, and unless
you have an old porcelain throne, you have
to flush about 18 times, which obviates
any chance of saving water, which incidentally,
also makes the low flow toilet completely
fucking useless!

Only
someone who eats handfuls of colon-blowing
granola would have the pellet-laden stool
to pass through a new toilet! I say we capture
those fuckers and force them to clean out
anything that doesn't go in the first flush-
with their environmentally conscience tongues!

December
7, 2005

-Looks
like Marilyn Mansontied
the knot with supersweet fetish hottie
Dita Von Teese. If you'd
like to see what MM saw on his honeymoon,
you should check out the new Beefboy Fanpage
on Dita!

December
6, 2005

-I
can almost... almost get excited about seeing
King Kong. Yes, it's Peter
Jackson's follow-up to the Lord
of the Rings. Yes, it has Jack
Black in it. Yes, it's getting
damn good reviews. The problem I have is...
uhmmm... I've fucking SEEN King Kong
before. Two different versions! I've also
seen Mighty Joe Young, most Gozilla
movies and the King Kong animated series
(which, by the way, mars an otherwise fun
and innovative Saturday morning line-up
on ABC Family). Let the Beefboy guess...
at the end of the movie he climbs up to
the top of the Empire State Building and
takes a dive. The. End. Sorry if I spoiled
it for anyone.

Here's
the real issue. After Peter Jackson finished
the Lord of the Rings trilogy,
making
3 billion at the box office, and putting
a dumpload of oscar gold on that sundae,
he could have done anything he wanted. He
could have made a three hour epic about
his own nutsack and he would have been able
to find bank for that. And he chose King
Kong, a movie that has been made two
previous times and has been spoofed, copied
and outdone (Jurassic Park, anyone?).

Hey
look, like I said, I'm almost excited about
seeing King Kong. It could really
be a great movie. The reason I'm ranting
about King Kong is that it's yet
ANOTHER remake in a year full of sequels,
shitty television adaptions, "reimaginings",
do-overs and take-backs. I followed a 19
week drought this year where the movie industry
kept scratching their heads wondering why-oh-why
they couldn't match last year's money. While
I'm sure that King Kong will make
tons of money, it certainly won't save the
movie industry, which seems to be even more
devoid of new ideas than the Democrat party
(and that's saying a lot).

I'm
upset because after Lord of the Rings,
I expect more from Peter Jackson. Looks
like I'll have to wait.

December
5, 2005

-Want
to hear a podcast with the Beefboy? I did
a project last week that may lead to a regular
series of podcasts, both on the Couch Pirates
site and here. Check out our pilot project
at www.couchpirates.com.

-I've
got some things to clear out around here,
and I don't feel like talking politics today,
so let's get started.

-Have
you seen Samurai
Champloo? I just got through watching
the first DVD volume of the series and it's
just brilliant! The characters are great,
the story is great and the direction is
great. I love the music
in this series too. It's just incredibly
cool, Beefanatics. If you dig animated work,
you're missing out by not watching this
series. It's on the Cartoon Network during
Saturday night's Adult
Swim line up too... but nothing beats
seeing it from the beginning.

-Someone
just sent me a book you need to know about
too. It's called Bat
Boy Lives
and it's from the editors of the Weekly
World News... yes, THE Weekly World
News. How many of you have partaken
of the guilty pleasure of picking up an
issue of the Weekly World News
to read about "Killer Androids Breeding
Like Flies" or "I was Bigfoot's
Love Slave"? I know one of my friends
picks up copies all the time, and they are
always entertaining. Well, they have gathered
the best, most outrageous stories in one
volume. If you want a coffee table book
that doesn't suck, and is guaranteed to
entertain your guests... this is the book!
Thanks to Jeffery for sending me the book!

-A
friend of mine has a blog you need to check
out, it's called If
You Don't Like It, Bite It and
it has commentary by my friend Tammy. You
should go check it out and tell her the
Beefboy sent you.

-Mike,
another friend of mine, entered B.E.E.F.B.O.Y.
into an online page that give you a cyborg
name and this is what he came up with:

That's
pretty appropriate, isn't it? Thanks Mike!
You can check out his site here.

-Yet
another friend of mine, Eddie, sent me a
story about Mischa Barton
on the O.C., who apparently had a nipple
slip. Now I didn't find that, but I
did find another nipple slip at a photo
shoot (to the right). If anyone has that
pic, or knows where to find it, email
me and I'll post it.

-I
just added a new page to the Beefboy Rants.
It's called the Fan
Page and I'm going to use it to post
pictures that I get from hot fans, and also
to post photos of women who I'm a fan of...
see? Everyone's happy! I already have Adrianne
Curry (of course) and I just
added Tricia
Helfer from Battlestar Gallactica.
Much more to come soon!

If
you'd like to get listed on the Fan Page,
send the
Beefboy some hot photos, okay? If you
do what Nikkei
Nicole did, you're absolutely
guaranteed to get your own page.

-Why
the hell is Jennifer Aniston
the "Man of the Year" at GQ? Okay,
she's hot and all, but the only thing she
did this year was get dumped by Brad
Pitt for the infinitely hotter
Angelina Jolie. If anyone
should be the "Man of the Year"
it should be Brad Pitt for porking both
of those chicks!

-I'd
like to thank everyone for writing me over
the past few months and I'd like to invite
others to send me
your thoughts. I really enjoy reading what
you have to say (whether you agree with
me or not) and I'll post the best letters
in the Octagon.

The
Beefboy would particularly like to hear
what members of our armed forces have to
say about the war in Iraq and all the hoopla
that's happening back here. Let's hear from
the men and women who really matter in this
debate.

November
14, 2005

-Nothing
against blazing hot Keira Knightley
but, Pride and Prejudice?!! I figured
that movie had been made at least a couple
of times previously, so I went to IMDB.com
and checked it out. Well. they've made that
fucking movie TEN FUCKING TIMES!!! You know,
if this was a movie that required better
special effects or something, at least you
could excuse it for the update, but seriously,
how different can the 2005 version be versus
the 1940 version? It's a fucking period
piece!!! With all the scripts out there,
with all the books and comics that haven't
been adapted, why go back to something that
has been made nine other times? I hope someone
in Hollywood is listening.

-A
fond farewell to Eddie Guerrero.
You certainly entertained me and my friends.
You will be missed.

-On
Meet the Press last weekend, Democrat
Chairman Howard Dean railed on
Bush and the Republicans
for the balance of his visit, then, when
asked by Tim Russert, what
the Democrats offered in the realm of solutions,
Dean gave a bunch of flowery horseshit moon
language (like "we're for strong social
security, and health care, and helping the
poor"... as if EVERYONE isn't for those
things!). Then Russert pressed the issue,
pointing out that, without specifics, all
that talk means nothing. Dean responded
that the Dems had some ideas, but right
now they just wanted to oppose everything
and they would "reveal" their
ideas early next year.

So
let's see if the Beefboy has this correct
Dean... for the past few decades you nutsacks
have given us nothing, and you realize that,
HOWEVER, you're STILL not ready to come
up with the goods. We should just hold our
breath and wait for all the great shit to
come out of your mouth. Well, the Beefboy's
got a plan, and you don't have to wait another
second.

FUCK
YOU!!!

Yep,
that's right! Fuck you Dean! This plan of
"oppose and offer nothing" is
fucking killing this country! I'm not waiting
for shit! You and your brethren were hired
to do a job.

I'd
love to go to work tomorrow and tell my
boss, "You know what? I hate everything
you do and I'm going to do everything I
can to oppose you! And you know what else?
I've got some brilliant fucking ideas about
how to do my job, but I'm not going to tell
them to you until sometime next year!"
Yeah, that bullshit would fly! I'd be stuffing
my office crap in a shitty box and heading
home to watch Dr. Phil
before Vince McMahon could
say, "You're. Fired!"

Again,
I ask for all of you to remember this when
you go to the polls! Vote everyone out.
EVERYONE! They all have to go! They deserve
no better than what we would get if we acted
the same way. It's time to tell them all,
"YOU'RE FIRED!"

-Dig
it!

November
7, 2005

The
lovely (and engaged) Adrianne Curry with
some other chicks you might know...

-The
Beefboy got caught up in the "My Fair
Brady" marathon on VH1 yesterday..
what can I say? I'm in love with Adrianne
Curry. So is Chris Knight,
and he's got a ring on that finger, so respect
to him. I'd like to hate that guy, but he
seems like a decent level-headed dude, so
I'll just say congratulations.

-Can
someone tell the Beefboy why, with Paris,
Belgium and Germany in flames, a war in
Iraq, brain dead politicians trading quips
and the White House in a freefall, are we
continually bombarded with bullshit about
the avian flu?!! Seriously. Scientists have
been following this "issue" for
seven years now. There is no communicable
version of this flu. Let me repeat that.
Humans can NOT transfer this flu to another
person. Period. So, what's the big obsession
here? Why does the media get all warm in
the crotch over this story? Why has our
President decided to dump $7.1 BILLION on
a phantom menace? Sure, there's a possibility
that the avian flu will become a pandemic,
then again, there's a chance that Adrianne
Curry will come to her senses and live in
sin with the Beefboy... but neither is a
good chance, and frankly there's more to
worry about right now. Seems like a swerve
to keep us from dealing with real issues!

Angela
Keathley and Renee Thomas

-Two
Carolina Panthers Cheerleaders (pictures
above) were
arrested after a bar fight that began
because patrons complained that the cheerleaders
were having sex with each other in the bathroom.
I think this is absolutely reprehensible!
This can't go without some serious repercussions.
The Beefboy volunteers to teach these naughty
little girls a lesson, and punish them all
night long!

November
6, 2005

-
For the first time ever, last month, The
Beefboy Rants got two million hits! Thanks
to all the Beefanatics! Please help me continue
to spread the word!

-
The lovely Toxic Goddess Haze
is in the new Toxic Goddess T-Shirt, now
available in black! To everyone who has
been asking for those, now you have no excuse
to not pick one up! Visit the new Sight
Key Studios Online Store, to pick up
your own today!

-
Am I the only person who feels like a superior
entity when they enter Wal Mart? Like an
alien who has traveled across space to observe
lower life forms?

Now,
despite what you might think, I don't typically
have a superiority complex, but Wal Mart
has become such a wretched hive of scum
and villainy that I just had to say something.

It
starts with people who are totally oblivious
to the fact that their celestially fat ass
and their shopping cart is blocking every
aisle in the joint! They put the cart on
one side of the lane and stand on the other,
then when you try to get past, they look
at you like you've brought dishonor to their
family!

Next,
you have the cell phone idiots, who will
speak at the top of their voice and talk
about the most private and ludicrous horseshit
ever. I'm talking about stuff that 20 years
ago, you'd be embarrassed if anyone in town
knew about it! Of course if you happen to
turn around and look at them, because you
thought they were talking directly to you,
they give you the icy stare, like "Hey
buddy, this is a private conversation".
And all I can think is, "Fuck you nutsack!
You're the one who has your genitals hanging
out for everyone to see! Don't be surprised
when I take a peek!"

Finally
you have the abject idiot. I'm talking about
rednecks, thugs and the voluntarily retarded,
who hold up every line and tie up already
sparse employees, with fucktard questions
about the most inane things under the sun!

I'm
starting to wish that I had a flame thrower
every time I visit that place! I figure
if you fry a couple of dozen people that
everyone else will be on notice to practice
some basic human decency and get the fuck
out of my way!

-
Why is Bush in South America?
Why the fuck did that guy go down to Argentina
and give Venezuelan President Hugo
Chavez an ounce of credibility?
Doesn't Bush have better handlers than that?
Seriously. This is the latest of about six
major fuck-ups over the past few months.

Hey
Bush, why don't you get your ass home, clean
out your handlers, start focusing on the
borders, veto some spending bills and let
loose the Dogs of War in Iraq? We have to
put up with your ass for three more years!!!
I don't have any hair, but if I did- I'd
be pulling it out RIGHT NOW!

-Okay,
back to France. Honestly, I don't want to
beat up on France all the time, they used
to be our finest allies, and could be again,
but France is such an easy target, and I
think someone's got to call "bullshit"
now and then.

Riots
have been going on in regions around Paris
over the past ten evenings, resulting in
hundreds of torched cars and public buildings.
Today, several cops were injured by rioters.
What the press is calling "youths"
are actually Muslim thugs, who are slowly
moving towards downtown Paris. The government
has been exceptionally effective in doing
absolutely nothing! French Prime
Minister Dominique de Villepin
has met with "community leaders",
others have gathered in rallies to protest
violence, meanwhile, Paris is burning.

This
stuff is so easy to solve. If I was Dictator
of France, I would call for martial law,
with a curfew, then order cops to shoot
rioters on sight. Bing, bang, boom! Problem
solved. Then I would have French uberhottie
Laetitia Casta service my royal ass, nightly!

Dig
it!

October
30, 2005

-Awww,
aren't those little girls cute? They're
Lamb and Lynx
from the band Prussian
Blue. Oh, and they're little racist
nazis too. They like to sing about white
power and a lot of other shit that their
mom has indoctrinated in their little mushy
skulls. I propose that we mulch their mom
and give the girls to the Wu Tang Clan on
their 18th birthday for an old-fashioned
gangbang.

Neo-nazis
fall under my "Trekkie" classification.
They're no different from people who wear
Spock ears and go to conventions to get
autographs from George Takei.
Want to be a geek loser? Just Google "white
power".

-Racists
come in all shapes and sizes. Take Louis
Farrakhan... please. He just had
his "Millions
More March", or as I like to call
it, the "Million Molecule March",
because there's no way there were a million
people at this one. Despite the fact that
attendance was anemic, CNN saw fit to run
the picture from the last march, TEN YEARS
AGO. That's interesting. Bias in the media?
Impossible.

Louis
Farrakhan recently posited the theory that
someone bombed the New Orleans levees to
flood black people. Yeah, that's likely.
What's more likely is that Louis has put
forward that theory, and held the "Millions
More March" to fill his own pockets
with cold hard cash.

-Speaking
of George Takei. Set phasers on "stunned".
George Takei is gay.
This is less of a news story than an excuse
to use that tired catch phrase. For the
first time ever, I've mentioned George Takei,
and now I've said his name four times...
about four more times than I ever will again.

-Cindy
Sheehanwas
arrested outside the White House, protesting
the war. She wanted 2000 protesters to reflect
the 2000 soldiers who gave their lives in
Iraq. They arrested twelve. Did you hear
that sound? It's the deafening sound of
a clock striking 15 minutes of fame. Cindy,
you're time is up.

-The
"Republican Revolution" is over.
A little over ten years ago, at a time when
the whole country was full of frustration
over a government that was tainted with
out-of-control spending, partisan bickering,
corruption and general all around bullshit,
the Republican minority gave us the "Contract
with America". With the help of
the Contract with America, and a deep desire
to see some serious change, for the first
time in several decades the Republicans
won control of Congress. Now, over a decade
later, the Republicans run all of Congress,
the White House and will soon have the majority
of the Supreme Court.

In
the "Contract with America", again,
given to us over ten years ago, the GOP
told us that if we elected them it "would
be the end of government that is too big,
too intrusive, and too easy with the public's
money". Ten years later, the Republicans
have given us exactly, precisely, what they
said they would change. All we have changed
is the "D" to "R" behind
the majority. Oh, we also have rampant corruption,
an open border, energy woes and a new war
on porn,
not child porn, but consensual adult porn.
Neat.

So
basically, if you're an elected Republican,
fuck you. The Party is over. You've lied
to us, you've used us, and now you want
to even deprive us of our right to jack
off in the privacy of our own home! If you're
a Kool-aid drinking Republican, or your
name is Rush Limbaugh or
Sean Hannity, and you walk
in lockstep with your brethren, no matter
what they do, then fuck you too!

Don't
get the Beefboy wrong. I have "fuck
yous" for Democrats too! I've never
seen a party so confused, so ineffectual
and so irrelevant in my life! I haven't
heard a new idea out of a Democrat's mouth
in ages! It's all just the same old party-line
crap. The Dems are bankrupt in every way
possible. It's opposition, not on the basis
of ideas, but based on the fact that they
just want to be in control! I don't want
their asses in there either.

In
fact, here's my proposal. This next year
we're going to get a chance to send a message
to our leaders who have abandoned us for
special interests and constituents who have
the deepest pockets. We're in fucking charge
here! We can ruin the day of every motherfucking
one of them! Vote against anyone who is
in office. Anyone. (Okay, I'll give a pass
to Tom Tancredo and Curt
Weldon, who seem to be the only
guys who are willing to buck the system.)

Better
yet, vote for some Independents, or some
Libertarians. Really shake things up. If
30% are dead-set on voting for the left,
and 30% are dead-set on voting for the right,
then that leaves 40% of us who can swing
the election in a new direction. Want your
country back? Get everyone out of there!
Let's show them a real revolution! Who's
with the Beefboy?

Dig
it!

October
19, 2005

-Hail
Beefanatics! Two years after it was cancelled,
the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show will
return to CBS on December 6th. You see,
chicks in lingerie always win in the long
run. Screw all you censoring twats!

-I
haven't forgotten about Joel Hinrichs.
My main lady, Jayna
Davis, who is all over the
terrorist bullshit that happens in Oklahoma,
is all
over this case as well. Suddenly I feel
a little better. If she finds out anything
new, I'll be sure to tell you.

-The
Beefboy has been following a lot of news
over the past couple of weeks and the nomination
of Harriet Miers, for Supreme
Court Justice, fascinates me (and not for
any reason you might think).

I
think it's hilarious to listen to the same
Republicans who preached to all of us how
we must refrain from asking Judge
Roberts any specific questions
which he might be forced to adjudicate in
the coming months, turn their jackboots
180 degrees in opposite direction and now
demand that Harriet Miers tell them her
views on everything from abortion to her
favorite sex toy. For a gaggle of nutsacks
who repeatedly beat us over the head about
not using a "litmus test", they
are dead set on doing just that... which
gets me to my point.

Just
when did the subject of abortion become
the most important fucking issue that we
have to deal with? Ever?!!! Seriously, why
has this become THE TEST, on BOTH SIDES,
with which we weigh a potential Supreme
Court Justice? If a nominee is for abortion
(or choice - I hate this wordplay horseshit)
then all Dems love her. If a nominee is
against abortion (or against a woman's right
to choose - again fuck all of you) then
all Republicans love her.

Is
anyone aware of the fact that the Supreme
Court recently buttfucked the entire nation
and pissed all over our fine Constitution
by changing the meaning of eminent
domain? Does the fact that corrupt city
councils can now evict you from your home
to build a Wal Mart? It would make my buddy
Thomas Jefferson shit his
pants to hear this!

What
about the coming decisions on free speech,
the right to bear arms, freedom of religion
and rights to privacy that will surely test
this court over the next generation? What
about real problems like our borders, terrorism
and Ryan Seacrest?

Are
we seriously ONLY looking at abortion to
figure out whether a person is qualified
to defend our fucking rights? That's outrageous!
All you Republican and Democrat fuckers
better get your head out of your ass, stop
playing politics and start thinking about
our future - OR YOU WILL BE REPLACED!!!

-These
baby names will make you mad, but the Beefboy
likes them. Nic
Cage just named his son Kal-el.
Ha! That's Superman's real name baby! One
of the Beefboy's favorite deviants, Penn
Jillette, just named his daughter
Moxie Crimefighter! That's
great.

-Finally,
I'm going to tell you about a recent trip
to the movies. I went to see History
of Violence (you won't like it, but
I did) with a couple of good friends and
during the previews I ran into a movie that,
at first, I thought was a joke. Really.

Have
you ever heard of Brokeback
Mountain? The Beefboy needs you
to sit down before you read this. I'm not
making this up. It's about two gay cowboys
who find love in the mountains. Seriously.
It took all that was in me to not just bust
out in uncontrollable laughter during the
preview for Bareback... err Brokeback
Mountain! I knew if I started laughing
I'd never quit before the show started.
The only thing they didn't show was the
two main characters eating pudding! It's
directed by Ang Lee. So,
apparently after emasculating the Incredible
Hulk, now Lee seeks to actually make a movie
that is MORE gay! Who wants to see this
movie? Gay men don't want to see this movie!
Harvey Fierstein would
be insulted by this movies inherent gayness!

And
Hollywood is wondering why box office sales
are down? Please.

October
5, 2005

-Curiouser
and curiouser...

I've
got some more news about the bomber in Norman
Oklahoma. I'm advising that you take everything
with a grain of salt. My biggest issue at
this point is that local officials are playing
the cover-up game and the national media
is out-to-lunch.

Joel
Hinrichs tried to buy ammonium
nitrate last week. That's the exact same
substance little bed wetting fucktoy
Timmy McVeigh used to bomb the
Oklahoma City federal building in 1995.
The owner of the store said Joel was acting
suspicious and that he was wearing a vest
with wires coming out of it!

One
report said that an inventory list of items
from Joel's car included "13 plastic
bottles" found in his trunk. Supposedly,
there were a number of explosives that were
set off in the Norman police department
firing range. Other online reports say that
some of his roommates were on a terrorist
watch list.

I'm
finding more stories on the internet, and
there are stories locally, but the Beefboy
is asking why, oh why, isn't there anything
in the national media on this story? Fucking
amazing.

And
yes, Joel Hinrichs looks just like the cover
boy of Jihad GQ. Nice beard nutsack. More
stories below...

When
is the New York Times, ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN,
FOX News, MSNBC and HGTV going to catch
up? All you fuckers are demonstrating your
irrelevance! This is the dawn of a new age!
The Beefboy is making all the media my bitch!

Dig
it!

October
4, 2005

-Last
month all of you set a record for hits.
This site got over one and a half million
hits in September! Thank you Beefanatics!

-Red
Fucking Alert! On
Saturday, in Norman Oklahoma, during
the OU/K-State game, an apparently disaffected
youth took his life by detonating a bomb...
or so we've been told. OU President
David Boren has informed everyone
that this is an isolated incident, and that's
all there is to it. The national media has
dropped this story, but the Beefboy is on
the case!

I
live in Oklahoma and local reports are beginning
to shape an entirely different story. Joel
Hinrichs III, the dead bomber,
was reported to have a large supply of explosives
in his apartment. Reports have also mentioned
that he was involved with a muslim group
on the OU campus, had "Jihadist material",
and that his roommate (who has disappeared
since Saturday) is from fucking Pakistan!

Hello?
Is anyone out there? Where the fuck is the
national media on this story? Do any of
you reporter fucks earn a living any more?
I listened to an hour long press conference
with President Bush today
and heard a lot of questions about bird
flu and steroids in baseball, but I didn't
hear any questions about our borders, or
about this potentially botched terrorist
attack in Norman Oklahoma!!!

WHAT
THE FUCK?!!! Wake up America!

OU
President David Boren wants everyone to
forget this event because it might cut into
the incredibly lucrative OU football box
office. The FBI wants to sweep this under
the rug, because ONCE AGAIN, those fuckers
got caught with their tightly pressed britches
around their ankles. Finally, the media
wanders around with their thumb up their
ass and the most myopic Coke-bottle glasses
in existence!!!

That
leaves us with yet another incident here
in Oklahoma, and ONCE AGAIN, our leaders
fail to step up and deal with this issue.
After the Oklahoma City Bombing (which
may have ties to the Middle East, but
is being ignored), the presence of Zacarias
Moussaoui (the 20th hijacker on
9-11) and now this potential boondoggle,
we need to conduct a dragnet in this state
that rivals what we did in World War II.
The FBI, CIA and local police need to take
off their sissy pants and get busy cleaning
out the terrorist cells around here! David
Boren (who is usually a good guy) needs
to suck it up and stop trying to be the
band leader for a big cover-up. But most
importantly, the national press must stop
covering Cindy Sheehan,
parents of lost kids in Aruba and other
useless bullshit, and start paying attention
to real stories that affect our national
security! All of you national journalists
out there should be ashamed of yourself.
The Beefboy just scooped your candy ass!

September
26, 2005

-
The Beefboy lives several lives, and I'm
currently very involved with something called
the Toxic Goddess Project. It promotes women
with attitude, including models, dominatrix,
artists, writers and entertainers. I'd like
to invite all the Beefanatics to join the
Toxic
Goddess Yahoo Group, where a ton of
these lovely ladies post photos, talk with
fans and keep you up on what's happening
in their wild world. The Beefboy is on there,
you should be too!

I'd
also like to invite you to visit the Toxic
Goddess website, which has even more
photos, feature articles, erotic stories,
links to a bunch of very sexy and very cool
women, plus has exclusive photos of the
celestial Toxic Goddess models!

Would
the Beefboy steer you wrong?

-
Weatherman Scott Stevens
has informed us that hurricane
Katrina was created with secret eco-weaponry
and unleashed on the United States by the
Japanese Yakuza! Wow! I love this shit!
Give the Beefboy a good conspiracy theory
any day! If he could have managed to get
Britney Spears involved
in that conspiracy, it could have been the
best of all time!

-Some
of the coolest authors around (including
one of the Beefboy's favorite writers Neil
Gaimen) is doing a fan-fucking-tastic
thing to support the First
Amendment Project. They have all banded
together and are offering to put your name
in their next novel, if you win a bid on
Ebay! If names like Stephen King,
John Grisham, Amy
Tan or Lemony Snicket
make you hard, you should check out this
site.

September
13, 2005

-Adrianne
Curry has been a perennial favorite
here at the Beefboy Rants. Because I never
tire of her, and because I get tons of requests
for pictures of Adrianne, I've created a
brand new feature... The Beefboy's Fan Page!
The first subject is none other than Adrianne
Curry! Click here
to see photos and get some info on Adrianne.

September
11, 2005

-Sure,
I could talk about the anniversary of September
11, or hurricane Katrina, but if you're
anything like me, you'd rather hear about
anything but those two things! So, I'm taking
a break, and instead bringing you goodies!

-Thanks
to Nikkei Nicole (above)
who sent in a whole set of exclusive photos
(that you can see here)
just for the Beefboy and all his fans to
see! Wow! That's awesome Nikkei. Thanks!

If
you'd like to see even more of Nikkei, drop
by her Yahoo
Group, and join her throng of fans who
get to see new photos all the time. Or you
can just visit her website below.

-
I just heard a new phrase the other day,
and thought I'd share it with you... new
term for the French = Surrender
Monkeys! Sweet!

-
The Sci-Fi Channel has managed to carry
on with friday night line-up that is admirable
in it's efforts to offer some original programming.
Ben Browder's addition
to the cast of Stargate SG-1, in
lieu of Richard Dean Anderson,
has been a decent nod to those of us who
enjoyed his work on Farscape. Hey,
Stargate is not Farscape,
but this is better than nothing, and Browder's
style of cocky banter is a good fit.

We're
saddled with Stargate: Atlantis,
a low rent sci-fi show that is so bad, that
even I won't watch it! I think part of the
problem is that it's just a diluted version
of Stargate SG-1, which is now
a diluted version of itself, and was a copy
of the original movie to start with! I just
don't need this show. To the executives
at Sci-fi; stop playing it safe and take
the money you're spending on Atlantis
and give us something new! That doesn't
mean I want The Invisible Man back
either! Come on! Either spend the cash on
something new, or bring us something cool
from the U. K.

Then
there's Battlestar Gallactica.
Yes, there was an old version of this show
too, but calling the new Battlestar
derivative, is like saying your computer
is derivative of an abacus. A couple of
years ago, I dubbed Farscapethe
best Sci-Fi show of all time. Well,
now I think we have a contender for the
throne.

Gallactica
is a smart blend of all the things that
Farscape was- good acting and writing,
great effects, humor and pathos, plus a
healthy dose of sexy goodness (see Tricia
Helfer below). However, Gallactica
delivers something that I've only seen rarely
in sci-fi, which is a drive to be very mature
and relevant to a wider audience. There's
no winking on this show. They play everything
as straight as possible. It's like ER
in space.

The
cast is excellent. I'd hate to be an actor
who has to share a scene with Edward
James Olmos, he embodies such amazing
presence that you have no choice but to
be overshadowed. However, Mary McDonnel
comes as close to matching him step-for-step
as anyone could. James Callis,
as Gaius Baltar, is fun to watch too.

The
camera work and direction is first rate.
Digital space battles take on a new dimension
by employing a scheme that looks a lot like
handheld work. The gonzo style of NYPD
Blue is used in quiet scenes too, which
gives this show an edge over other sci-fi
shows that are not as sophisticated. The
cinematography is tinged with a sepia tone
and intelligent lighting that looks more
like film than television. The look is top
notch.

Battlestar
Gallactica is good at offering some
big questions too. It's routinely dealing
with issues of politics and faith, as well
as questions regarding sanity and humanity.
This is a show that is set in another place
and time, but you can see the relevance
based on what is happening in this world
right now.

What
they don't have (yet) is that longevity
that a great show must provide. Two seasons
is not enough to de-throne my champion,
but since Farscape had the plug
pulled early, they only have to last two
more years, and stay at this level to win
the prize. If you're not watching Battlestar
Gallactica, on Friday at 9pm, 8pm Central,
on the Sci-fi channel, you're missing some
great television. Period.

-
There's been a long overdue update in the
Den of Sin (still
for adults only).

September
4, 2005

-The
Beefboy would like to express my deepest
sorrow for the people of Mississippi, Alabama
and Louisiana, who have endured the wrath
of hurricane Katrina.

I'm
asking that everyone who reads my rants
and enjoys them, take a couple of minutes
and visit the Red Cross site, and donate
a few bucks to help out our fellow Americans.
Just five dollars from everyone who reads
this, would amount to a lot of money.

I
donated what I could afford on Friday, and
it was quick and easy, and made me feel
a little better this weekend. Trust me,
it's worth your time.

-What
I'm going to talk about today is not fun
and not sexy. Last Monday, we experienced
the gravest natural disaster in United States
history. The reaction to this tragedy is
indicative of a great deal of ills that
are plaguing our nation. This will not stand.

I
picked up my local paper (a rag really,
but still capable of delivering the broad
brushstrokes of the news) and read a series
of headlines that should attract the attention
of anyone with only rudimentary intelligence.
The headlines read, "New Orleans Surrenders",
"Stampede on Bridge Kills Hundreds
in Iraq", "Hurricane Death Toll
Still Rising", "Fuel Price Surge
Jolts Customers" and "2 Governors
Declare Crisis along Borders". That's
two days of headlines! TWO DAYS!!!

Meanwhile,
our leaders are on vacation.

Say
what you will about "working vacations"
but even children know the difference between
being in your office and going to the golf
course with your cell phone turned on. Bush
decided to come back from a five week vacation,
2 days early. Congress, came back to pass
one bill that appropriates funds (Congress
LOVES to spend money, you know) then resumed
their vacations. And while our leaders play
golf, and boat around, and play grab ass
with girlfriends, American citizens are
dying in the bayou, everyone in this country
is paying upwards of $5.00 a gallon for
gas, Iraq languishes in a leadership vacuum
and illegal aliens, miscreants and terrorists
waltz across our borders and laugh at our
incompetence.

Our
leaders have failed us.

They
are demonstrating what a gaggle of frat
boy fucks they really are. They're overwhelmed
by real crisis and instead of changing their
state of mind to deal with the very real
threats we are facing, they are locked in
Pygmalion ideals of a world at peace. With
everything going on right now, would you
like to guess what Congress has on the plate
for Tuesday? Helping survivors of Katrina?
No. Fixing the energy crisis? No. Iraq.
No. The borders? Hell, no! Porn. Yep. Porn.

The
Internet Child Protection Act of 2005
is first on the docket Tuesday morning (it's
a long weekend, after all, got to get some
vacation time in, those fuckers are working
hard for us)! The bill proposes to raise
a tax on internet porn by 25%. And of course,
it's for the children. Is there
any way that our leaders could possibly
be more disconnected from WHAT THE FUCK
IS GOING ON?!!!

After
September 11th, we had a bunch of meetings
and bullshit sessions that determined that
we should protect our air fleet. After the
subway bombings in London, we thought it
would be a good idea to protect our subways.
Now, after hurricane Katrina, we think responding
to crisis and fixing levees is a notion
that should be addressed. Why is it that
our leaders refuse to deal with issues BEFORE
they occur? The leadership of this country
REACTS to everything but anticipates nothing.
After a catastrophic failure in leadership,
we mop up the mess, hold a bunch of bullshit
sessions, issue some reports and knowingly
stroke our beards because we've figured
everything out so well. No one will be fired
due to incompetence, no real change will
occur and we'll be told that everything
is okay.

When
are we, as a country, going to tell our
leaders to stop spending time passing "feel
good" legislation, designed to appease
a small group of people who are funding
re-election campaigns, and start getting
their hands dirty by dealing with the REAL
FUCKING ISSUES of our day?!!!

Taking
little nappies and sucking the cocks of
rich contributors are not going to cut it
any longer! We are officially in crisis,
on about five different fronts, maybe more,
and we can't afford "business as usual"
mentality of the leaders of this nation.
This is not about left or right. This is
about right and wrong.

It's
time for a revolution at the polls.

Dig
it!

August
11, 2005

-When
I'm Dictator of the United States, I'll
fix problems right away. Like the gas problem...
let's solve that today.

We
start to drill in Anwar and off the coast.
Offer a billion dollar reward to anyone
that can create an auto engine that runs
off water and can be mass produced. Build
a bunch of refineries (we haven't built
a gas refinery in nearly 30 years). Create
a national blend of gas, instead of having
individual states, or regions do different
blends. Tell everyone to learn how to walk,
ride a bike, or carpool to help your nation
(and yourself) out. If everyone just cut
down 20% on gas usage we could tell the
Middle East to drown in their own oil.

What's
the big deal? I just solved our gas problem
in about 25 seconds! You'd think with 100
senators, 435 representatives and one two-term
president, they would be capable of achieving
what the Beefboy did in record time. Right?

Finally,
as dictator, I'd declare that Rose
McGowan had to be my girlfriend
(doesn't really help with gas, but it keeps
the Dictator happy and anything that makes
the dictator happy, makes the people happy.
Capich?)

August
10, 2005

-While
the mainstream media pounds away for two
months (and counting) on Natalie
Holloway's disappearance in Aruba,
the gift registries of the Runaway Slut,
Jennifer Wilbanks, and
steroid use by men who are paid exorbitant
sums of money to play a child's game, the
rest of this sick world is plotting our
demise! Care to hear about two stories that
should open every newscast, be on the top
of the Drudge Report, and on the tip of
every freedom-loving tongue? Here goes...

-Story
One: Suitcase nukes, maybe as many as
70, but at least 12, have been smuggled
over the Mexican border and planted in numerous
United States cities, including New York,
Los Angeles, Las Vegas, Chicago, and others.
Can you hear me now? According to the new
book "The
Al Qaeda Connection: International Terrorism,
Organized Crime and the Coming Apocalypse,"
by Paul L. Williams, bladderless
millionaire pigfucking terrorist, Osama
bin Laden, plans to detonate these
nukes simultaneously and create the "American
Hiroshima". The best part? This shit
could happen at any time and the proof is
backed up by public government records.
Have fun at your BBQ this weekend.

And
Bush?... enjoy that vacation buddy.

-Story
Two: Lawyers in the Clinton
Administration blocked the efforts of a
U.S. Military Intelligence unit called "Able
Danger" to forward the names of four
members of the September 11th, 2001 attacks
to the FBI, over a year prior to the attacks!
Why? Because Mohammed Atta,
and the other terrorists were here legally
and Clinton was still dealing with the ramifications
of the Waco fiasco! Atta, who was the ringleader
of the 9-11 attacks, was in our crosshairs,
but once again politically correct bullshit,
corruption and incompetence by our leaders,
left our brothers and sisters to die needlessly.

What
the fuck is it going to take for us to wake
up? Do you see a connection between story
one and story two? You sure as hell better
see the connection! If we don't immediately
deal with the mistakes of the past, the
mistakes of the future will be infinitely
worse. Can we afford to let everyone stream
across our borders? Can we afford to let
our leaders dodge responsibility? Can we
afford to waste wall-to-wall media coverage
on the disappearance of one girl and the
peccadilloes of Jude Law?

Not
just no, but FUCK NO!!! Get angry Beefanatics!!!
We can't afford to fuck around any longer!
Call or write your Senators and Representatives!
Demand that they get to the bottom of both
stories. Immediately!

August
9, 2005

-Uhmmm...
I think the Beefboy warned you about the
scorched earth policy that Britney
Spears had on her body. I give
you exhibit A and exhibit B.

-Plus,
for those of you who care, here's some recent
pics of Tara Reid, wasted,
flashing her goodies for anyone who wants
to see. Oh, and Paris Hilton
is along for the ride.

August
8, 2005

-The
lovely lady to the right is this month's
inductee to the Toxic
Goddess Hall of Fame, Dawn Tiffany
aka The Diamond Diva Princess.

-Andy
Milonakis sucks. What the hell
is MTV thinking? Tell you what, "Music
Television", give the Beefboy a thirty
minute program and I'll teach you what real
entertainment is all about.

-Speaking
of real entertainment, Couch
Pirate Steve
loaned me season one of "The Shield".
I know I'm way behind the curve on this
one too, but wow, that show is unbelievable.
If you're into good acting, writing, direction
and the best character developement you've
ever seen on television, you'll be hard
pressed to find better than "The Shield"!
Pardon me while I play "catch up".

-Let's
talk a bit about Judge John Roberts,
who's up for the vacant Supreme Court seat.
All the partisan nutsacks have lined up
to complain about Roberts. The hippy faction
has declared him "too conservative"
and complains that he's too concerned with
following the intent of the Constitution
(what the fuck are you supposed to do?...
make some shit up?). The Jesus freaks are
all upset that he took on a gay rights case,
pro bono. Sounds like all the right people
are pissed! I like him.

-Time
for a new feature... The Beefboy's
Least Favored Nation Status! The
first award goes to Iran. While the United
States is up to it's cornhole in Iraq, we've
left "negotiations" to the rest
of the west, and they have come up with
dick! Now Iran has decided to carry on with
their nuclear
weapons program. Yeah, those fuckers
need nukes! Add to that, the fact that they
are responsible for providing the micropenis
brigade in Iraq with
explosives. Finally, Iran's new
leader was involved with the 1979 American
embassy hostage crisis. Why is this country
allowed to even exist? Fuck Iran. Hard.
They like nukes? Let's give them some...
warhead first.

-What
is up with people who whistle? I fucking
hate whistlers. Hey, if you whistle in public,
you're a cocksucker of the highest order,
and we all know it! Whistling is the auditory
equivalent of blowing smoke in your face.
Stop it!

-If
you read The Beefboy Rants regularly then
you should know that I'm a big geek who
likes astronomy, space related stuff and
NASA in particular. I'm about as close to
a huge supporter as NASA is going to get.
However, it's time to call bullshit and
let the chips fall where they may.

Want
to know the reason why the latest flight
of Discovery has resulted in the shuttle
fleet being grounded. Want to know the reason
behind the Columbia tragedy? Your answer
may be "the foam on the fuel tank,"
but that's not the whole story.The real story should make
you as mad as the Beefboy.

The
fact of the matter is that we didn't have
a problem with foam, until NASA
decided to switch from a foam that was
freon based to a less effective foam in
1997... to be environmentally correct! That's
right! Not only did they make a decision
based solely on tree-hugging horseshit,
but THEY KNEW IT WAS UNSAFE AFTER THE FIRST
FLIGHT IN 1997!!!

That
means that not only were the Columbia astronauts
sacrificed to make environmentalists happy,
but they sent up this current crew with
the same shoddy shit, wasted two and a half
years and spent 1 billion dollars trying
to correct something that the Beefboy could
have solved in ten minutes! Use the old
foam! I'm not even an aerospace engineer!

How
can you honestly justify sending astronauts
into space when you know that their lives
are at risk because you're trying to appease
nutsack lobbyists? Everyone in charge at
NASA should be removed immediately. We should
use the skins from live baby seals if that's
the safest method of getting our astronauts
into space. Either that, or ground the shuttles
forever. Space exploration is not the type
of endeavor that should be run by pansies.

-There's
been a lot that's happened since we talked
last. Let's start out with one of the most
important stories...

-Cooter
wants you to skip the new Dukes of Hazzard
movie. Ben Jones, who used
to play Cooter has released a diatribe on
his site (everyone has a site) that reveals,
"what bothers me much more is the profanity
laced script with blatant sexual situations
that mocks the good clean family values
of our series." Now, let's put aside
for a moment that Cooter doesn't rate highly
on the Beefboy's Rapt Attention Meter, but
"blatant sexual situations" and
a "profanity laced script" sounds
like a great place to start as far as I'm
concerned! Maybe Cooter should go back to
being irrelevant and understand that the
world is a different place than it was 25
years ago when he yucked it up for a living.
Besides, this reminds me of Adam
West, who complained that they
didn't want him to play Batman in the Tim
Burton movie, 25 years after the fact! Both
of you fuckers need to get over it and find
a hobbie.

-I've
got a new forum where you can post your
thoughts. You can check that out here.

-If
you haven't read my article on the Oklahoma
City Bombing, maybe you should check that
out, then drop by here
and learn that there may be a connection
between a former Green Beret and little
Timmy McVeigh, plus new
information (actually old information, that
we just learned) has been unearthed from
several Department of Justice officials
who complain
that the connection between Timmy and a
white supremacist group, and the connection
to a group of bank robbers, not only was
not properly investigated, but was SQUASHED
from maybe as high as the White House. Can
you hear me now? It's time we wake up on
this shit, because it has ramifications
right now!

-With
the release of the new book Harry
Potter and the Half-Blood Prince,
comes a new round of attacks from Christians.
A New Mexico pastor recently held a book
burning and claimed that it was a "masterpiece
of satanic deception." I don't like
the idea of burning any books at all, but
if you don't like the concepts of standing
up for your friends, fighting evil, studying
hard to achieve your goals and struggling
against your human nature, maybe Christians
should steer clear of the Harry Potter books.
We wouldn't want kids to read for pleasure,
or learn those things anyway. Right?

-Bumper
Bumpkins: "God Loves George Bush and
My Pit Bull!"

-Add
Jude Law to the list of
nutsacks (Hugh Grant, Kobe
Bryant, Brad Pitt,
etc.) who have smokin' hot partners and
blow
it because they can't keep their dick
in their drawers. Have you taken a look
at Sienna Miller? Honestly,
how do you cheat on that? With a nanny?

-As
Michael Keaton says in
Mr. Mom, "Okay, let's get into it!"
It's time for the Beefboy to talk a little
about religion. Want a neat way to get hordes
of people to vote Republican, or call in
and complain about boobies on Desperate
Housewives? Just use religion. Want
a steady supply of human bombs? Get a bunch
of young men, keep them virgins, tell them
that God wants them to kill infidels, AND
if they do, they get to fuck 72 virgins
in heaven.

While
I respect everyone's right to practice religion
as they wish (even if you're Tom
Cruise and want to follow the religion
of a science fiction writer, who started
Scientology
as a bar bet) religion is a powerful motivator
and in the wrong hands is not a positive
thing; it's a force for evil. Let's not
underestimate the idiocy of the masses.
People are fucking stupid baby! When you
add religion to the mix, you can make a
stupid person do crazy shit (Heaven's
Gate anyone? Jim
Jones anyone? David
Koresh... need I go on?

So,
now we get to Islam. While I am still inclined
to believe that most Muslims are good people,
who just want to live with the rest of the
world and raise their families in peace,
we need to address something. There's a
serious credibility gap that is going on
between those that claim that Islam is a
peaceful religion that is being hijacked
by radicals and the steady stream of hate
speech by said radicals and terrorists.

Either
Muslims are cowards because they advocate
the indiscriminate killing of innocent people
for political purposes, OR Muslims are cowards
because they fear retribution from the radical
elements and refuse to come forward and
turn in radicals before they strap bombs
to their body. Either way, it's not enough
to just say that Islam is a religion of
peace, nor is it even enough to just say
that you condemn terrorist attacks (although,
when is the last time you've heard that
from a Muslim leader). Fuck platitudes!
Now is the time for action.

The
Beefboy wants to see some news stories about
Muslims turning in Muslims to the FBI and
to Scotland Yard. The Beefboy wants to read
about "unidentified inside informants"
who clean out radical speech in Muslim mosques.
The Beefboy is ready to see a "Million
Man March" that condemns terrorism.
I'm ready to see Muslims take their religion
back.

Do
you think that we're too far removed from
World War II to open up internment camps?
Do you think that racial and religious profiling
can't happen in America? Do you think that
rednecks and gang members won't take matters
into their own hands if the government fails
to act? No one wants that, however, there's
a boiling unease in this country that is
slowly gaining momentum. Don't think for
a second that it will take much more for
our own religious zealots to start doing
crazy shit over here.

If
Islam is a peaceful religion, those who
practice it had better wake up and take
their religion back. It's good for your
religion, it's good for America and it's
good for the human race.

If you really need your zombie fix, see this
version of the original 1978 movie! Four disks,
three different versions of the movie, documentaries
and commentary from everyone you'd want to hear
from! This movie is creepy, has great characters
and some interesting social commentary.

8
out of 10

Dawn
of the Dead (Widescreen Unrated Directors's
Cut) - 2004

More of a thriller than a horror film, this
version of the 2004 movie has faster zombies
and faster action, but lacks some of the impact
of the original. Grab some popcorn and enjoy!

7
out of 10

Resident
Evil - Apocalypse - 2004

Too
much boring action, not enough of Milla, not
enough zombies, and there's just no suspense
here. However, it's a little more true to the
video game it's based on, and it's better than
the first movie in this series.

5
out of 10

Shaun
of the Dead - 2004

Lots of good laughs and a healthy appreciation
for the zombie flicks that proceeded it. Watch
it with friends!

7
out of 10

Enter
Zombie King - 2004

Let's
see... Canadian Luchadors, 50's surf music,
zombies and a handful of very very hot chicks.
It's not Gone with the Wind, but then
again, who wants to watch that shit? If the
Beefboy made a movie, it would look just like
this!