Tuesday, January 15, 2008

You may be surprised to know that the main reason I write this blog is for the money. Unfortunately, in the three years since I have started Sean’s Ramblings, I have earned a total of $0. Therefore, when I received e-mails over the past month or two with offers to send me free stuff, I jumped at the opportunity.

First, Turner Publishing asked if I wanted a complimentary copy of their title, Historic Photos of Washington, D.C. by Matthew Gilmore and Andrew Brodie Smith. I think I replied within two minutes of receiving the e-mail with a yes. This is one of the few books where you can honestly write that you could judge the book by its title. There’s a nice mix of pictures of historic events (Harry S. Truman’s inauguration in 1949; the Spirit of St. Louis arriving at the Smithsonian in 1928), monuments (the Capitol building and Washington monument) and pictures of everyday Washington people and places. There are some very cool pictures and makes an excellent coffee table book.

Last month I received an offer to receive the movie “Somebody Help Me” on DVD as long as I provided a review on my website. As I mentioned above, I’m all for free stuff, so in upholding my end of the deal, here is my movie review.

“Somebody Help Me” stars Omai Grandberry (better known as Omarion), Alexis Fields, Brooklyn Sudano and Marques Houston. You know all of these actors from um, um, well, if you are in your early 30s like me, you don’t know them. I guess you might know Omarion and Marques Houston from “You Got Served.” Omarion was also part of one of the worst named music groups of the past 10 years, B2K. Before I get into the movie itself, here is the description from the back of the DVD case:

From the director of You Got Served and House Party 4 comes this urban horror-thriller nail-biter on the order of Cabin Fever and The Hills Have Eyes.

Wait a second. There was a House Party 4? House Party starring Kid N Play came out when I was in high school. There was a fourth edition? How have I lived without seeing House Party 4?

Delivering a chill a minute, Somebody Help Me is the story of Brendan Young (Marques Houston) and Darryl Jennings (Omari Grandberry) as they head off with their friends and girlfriends for a weekend’s stay at a remote cabin in the woods.

"Somebody Help Me" is 100 minutes in length. There certainly were not 100 chilling moments during the movie. I’ve watched enough Law & Order so I may be qualified to write “objection, misleading statement.” The judge would support me.

After the couples settle in, things take an eerie turn.

Not Erie, Pennsylvania. The movie would have been less mysterious (and much better) if the characters ate at Perkins, Quaker Steak & Lube, or hung out on Peach Street.

One by one, the group ends up missing or dead, while the remaining few are forced to band together in order to figure out who – or what – is behind the killings.

I’ll freely admit that horror films are not really my genre. I watched some of the Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street films, but once was enough. Poltergeist freaked me out as a kid. However, I thought Scream was great because of the mix of comedy and horror. Therefore, I was hoping that Somebody Help Me would have a bit of Scream in it. Nope. I don’t remember laughing or even smirking once during the movie. The beginning scene features the four characters in the car on their way to a remote cabin. As the dialogue developed, I started rooting for the characters to die.

Here’s the basic story: they get to the cabin, see a strange neighbor, meet the sheriff who is mean at first but warms up to them, the main character dreams about a little girl on a swing, their friends arrive at the cabin and drink, a random person walks around the cabin, and then the friends go missing and die. There’s really not much more to the movie. It’s very predictable with a few gory moments (I fast-forwarded through them) and even set up for a sequel that I hope is never made. It wasn’t a terrible movie, but it wasn’t good. Actually, it was on the pretty bad side. While I haven’t watched a horror movie in some time, I thought they usually have nudity. Well, there was no nudity here, probably since the target audience is high school boys. Wait, that doesn’t make sense.

Anyway, if you like seeing predictable horror films geared for high school students with decent acting and not much of a plot but with some suspense and scary scenes, Somebody Help Me is for you. For everyone else, start working on your tax returns.

I did make it to the DC premiere (hosted by our local hip-hop station) and it was quite an event. I really wish you'd gone and then there might have been another guy in his 30s in a sea of teen girls all screaming for their chance to meet actors I'd never heard of. Kid N Play were, sadly, not in attendance.

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Welcome to Sean's Ramblings! If you're looking for thoughts on pop culture, music, fun and informative links, random DC and Pittsburgh info, sports (particularly Pittsburgh sports), and just what's going on in my life, then you're come to the right place.
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