You see me post stuff like this all the time, so why is it so hard to escape the idea that I am nothing if I’m not loveable? Why should I believe that in spite of everything I’m trying to do with my life, my sexual candidacy is the primary factor in my lovability? I know it’s a lie; that I’m commanded to love, not be loved. Why is it so hard to get past that?

We hear this idea that sex sells, that our sexuality is our power. Ms. Heldman argues that we’re actually buying the idea of objectification, pointing out that men’s and women’s magazines are both full of ads that objectify women. “Subjects act; objects are acted upon.”

Women aren’t the only ones suffering from objectification, by the way. Teenage boys especially are starting to get that too. And even those people who don’t feel compelled to be an object are taught that they can’t be happy unless they have someone they can use for their gratification. So we end up with some form of shoppers anxiety trying to pick out the one and only thing that will make us happy.

It’s a bizarre twist on the whole helpmeet thing. As partners, and even as a society, we are here to help each other, not use each other. Why would we allow ourselves to believe anything else? I want nothing more than to be part of a team.