Saving my life — One British costume drama at a time.

The Mother of All Problems

The most despicable female character in all of Jane Austen’s works is, in my opinion, Fanny Dashwood of Sense & Sensibility. She is a sister, a daughter, and most unforgivably, a mother. Manipulative, greedy, superior, bitter, judgemental, and — the very worst — completely lacking in empathy for her impoverished sisters-in-law. There but for God’s grace goes she. But myopic, narcissistic Fanny cannot– will not! — see that.

Reading into Fanny’s character, I naturally look to her own mother, Mrs. Ferrars. Another icy bitch, that one. Cuts off her own son out of snobbery and spite. What a prize.

WHAT is it with all the horrible mothers in these 19th Century books and movies? They fall into two categories: Gnarly or Dead. Maybe its the strange and/or absent maternal love that accounts for all the sad creatures and situations in these stories.

Another thought: How do I stack up against these maternal specimens? I’ll get to that.

Gnarly Mothers

First let me define. Wait. That will take to long. Let me define by example. Oh, I like that much better. Cut to the chase. Cut back on the blah blah. (But here’s a hint: I have a Gnarly Mom meself.)

Mrs. Thornton: North and South

I’ll refer to the BBC miniseries version of N&S, because Sinead Cusack does a scary-accurate Hannah Thornton. From the first glimpse of her in her window, watchful and iron-backed in her ever-present black dress, you get the feeling she might be one of those creepy moms who fosters a despicable momma’s boy. (Either that or she’ll remind you — just for a second — of Norman Bates’ mom. Nice.) But she throws you for a loop because, while Hannah is implacable, icy and opinionated, her son is no weenie. They behave almost like co-conspirators. Business partners. She’s a little scary, but then so is her son. Hannah makes cutting remarks, rolls her eyes openly, and looks obviously down her nose — at most people who are not as successful as her son. She’s cold. But she is also cool. Strides out into the middle of a violent mob to fetch a doctor, too. Brave. Secretly, I like her. But she’s Gnarly.

Lady Catherine De Bourgh: Pride & Prejudice

Flaming bitch on wheels. I refer here to any version (book or movies) of P&P except the Laurence Olivier version, in which screenwriter Aldous Huxley (!!) made her all nicey nice at the end. Whatever, Aldous. For a serious guy, you chose a strange place to get your happy on. Lady Catherine is the overbearing, shrill, supercilious, boring and self-absorbed mother of the mousy, unfortunate and filthy rich heiress Anne De Bourgh. Anne has no personality. She’s “sickly” and must stay close to home, draped in a shawl, going nowhere, doing nothing, meeting no one, living under a damp rock. Anne is in hell and Lady Catherine is her demonic captor. She is as damaging and despicable as any neglectful, abusive mother. As a mother, all I can ever ask is that my children grow up to live their good life as fully as the world allows. And Anne gets stuck with this witch. Everyone makes such a much about Lady Catherine’s wretched interference in her nephew, Darcy’s life. I could not help feeling that while the protagonists of this novel end happily, Anne is left to atrophy in her horrible mother’s Haunted House of Horror forever. She’s not Gnarly. She’s an unforgivable bitch.

Mrs. Jennings: Sense & Sensibility

Mom! You’re embarrassing me! Mrs. Jennings is hard to classify. She means well. She’s generous and kind. Endlessly smiling and enthusiastic, opening her home to friends, offering comfort and support — even (especially) when it is not needed or wanted. Mrs. Jennings is also gossipy, pushy, uncouth, match-make-y, boorish and raucous. If the proof of her parenting is in the pudding (her daughters), then Mrs. Jennings is a Gnarly example of failure. In the book, Lady Middleton is shallow and snobbish. In the (excellent) movie, Charlotte is well-meaning, kind, generous…..and gossipy, pushy, uncouth, etc. And kind of stupid, too. Mrs. Jennings holds the Dashwood sisters hostage with her kindness, only to bludgeon them publicly with her loud, hooting greetings, her over-familiarity, her chummy social presumption. Marianne Dashwood is every over-sensitive teen, and her emotional pain at being subjected to Mrs. Jennings’ lack of manners puts Marianne in real danger of literally dying of embarrassment. Poor thing. Mrs. Jennings is a nice lady. But she’s Gnarly.

Mrs. Bennet: Pride & Prejudice

Mrs. Bennet. Practically a legend in the Gnarly Mom arena. She wrote the book on shrill. Her shortcomings as a parent are too easily cataloged: Loud, impertinent, judgemental, avaricious, unpolished, pushy, obsequious, shallow, dramatic, hysterical, overly permissive, preening, proud, — I could go on. She has three daughters who take after her. Her two oldest are her polar opposites: Intelligent, refined, just, realistic, politic, and wise. It is easy to write Mrs. Bennet off as irritating fluff. But after reading and seeing P&P as many times as I have, I conclude that while I would consider selling myself into indentured servitude on the HMS Bounty is she were my mother, I have to admit that many of her fears and faults are well intended. She is F R E A K E D that she seems to be the only person who is worried about what will become of her 5 daughters. And rightly so. She is greedy…but not for herself. She is pushy, but again, not for herself. She is that infuriating parent who “only wants the best for her children,” and commits social suicide in order to achieve it. No one denies she is awful, and many of the family’s misfortune can be traced back to her permissive nature and her spendthrift ways. But I lay at least as many of the misfortunes at the universally liked Mr. Bennet’s door. He’s overly permissive, lazy, shortsighted and bad with money. But at least he is not as embarrassing as Mrs. Bennet. Remember her at the Netherfield ball? Totally embarrassing.