I
recently told my best friend that I am bisexual.
she doesn't have a problem with this although
she says that I can't "really be bisexual" unless
I have had an experience with a girl. I am definitely
attracted to both male and female. Does my not
having had a "sexual" relationship with a girl
make me not bisexual or any less bisexual?

I
personally think that if I find a person to love
and care about and share the same interest, morals,
etc., then I don't think that gender has to matter.
It is essentially that person's character that
makes the difference. Any response would be greatly
appreciated.

Sincerely,

Eileen

Dear
Eileen,

You
are certainly right that you can be bisexual even
if you haven't "acted on" that bisexuality. The
other argument that some people (like John Stoltenberg)
have made is that there is no such thing as bisexuality
because that does seem to imply sexual acts rather
than emotional acts. In many ways, I think that
I am bisexual, I have been with men and women
(mostly and presently with a man), but I feel
equally attracted to men and women and it is based
on more than sexual acts. So, for whatever my
opinion is worth, I hope that helps and I hope
that it at least has some weight with your friend.