OpenSignal Insights

The Funniest Wi-Fi Names this Week

We have previously looked at how Wi-Fi names have been used to express political allegiance. For the purposes of entertainment we thought we’d take a look at the Wi-Fi names of contemporary America to see whether the spectre of Communism still looms large. The short answer? It appears that a global proletarian revolution is bubbling under the surface, waiting to erupt at a moment’s notice. It appears inevitable that these Wi-Fi revolutionaries will soon overthrow the ideological constraints of American capitalism. Sadly, there is no help that I can give – except perhaps to pray to the memory of that great American hero, Senator Joe McCarthy, to deliver us from the coming red storm.

1) TheCommunistAfter-Party – Denver, Colorado

Now this is what I’m talking about. They’re not only plotting to overthrow world capitalism but they’ve got some kind of awesome after party going on. I imagine the party itself was probably a nightmare to plan, nothing worse than calling up Karl Marx for advice and having him say: ‘The doctrine of Hegel, taken as a whole, left plenty of room for giving shelter to the most diverse practical party views.’ Great. Thanks Karl. Let’s just hope everyone brings a bottle – that’s a practical party view I’m sure we all share.

2) Foxtrotsky – Brooklyn, New York.

What dance do they do at the Communist party? The Foxtrotsky. I’m not sure how familiar I am with the steps but I imagine they lead gloriously forward to world revolution. I’m glad I’ve now got the Wi-Fi memo, it would have been pretty embarrassing to turn up unprepared and be forced to dance the Che Che by myself. (Side note: It turns out it really hard to come up with Marxist/Dance puns – anonymous Brooklynite, I raise my fist to you in salutation).

Hegel – Not a great party planner

3) Sexy Communist Network – Albuquerque, New Mexico

Not for nothing did Friedrich Engels describe Albuquerque as a place where ‘the shackles of oppression are thrown off as liberally as the clothes’*. I seriously hope these guys are coming to the after-party, they’ll add some much-needed glamour. Also, if they do manage to make it, talk to Sharon – apparently she’s bringing some opiate for the masses, just don’t say I told you.

*(F. Engels, A guide to the party towns of the Midwest, 1846, page. 62)

4) The Proletariat Chariot – Seattle, Washington.

A chariot? I hear you ask. But surely the chariot is a symbol of oppression, a mark of elitist distinction? Think of chariots and you think of chains – Egyptians, Romans, Greeks, great civilizations founded on slavery. Why not the common car? As usual, I’ll let Karl answer that one: ‘Machines were, it may be said, the weapon employed by the capitalist to quell the revolt of specialized labour.’ Got that? No machines, chariots for everyone. Still, I can’t help but hope that the Proletariat Chariot is an itinerant VW camper van, Hammer and Sickle on one side, Peace symbol on the other, traversing the land distributing hand-printed copies of the Communist Manifesto. Possibly dallying inappropriately long in Albuquerque.

5) boredmarxist – London, England

Come, come comrade. Boredom? Remember what Marx urged, remember what is promised in the socialist paradise – a chance ‘to hunt in the morning, fish in the afternoon, rear cattle in the evening, criticise after dinner’. If none of that appeals to you, then the Communist After-Party is probably still going on. I’ll call the chariot.

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