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Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Yeah I know I've rhymed every word sounding a tad absurd. But I always did it in a row going down with each chime. It's time I did an all across rhyme. This could get quite dVerse today and it could cause dismay. Yet it may also be such fun to say. So the all across rhyme has come due at my bay. Yeah, that name does kind of suck but what the truck. That's right if you don't like it I'll run you down, stealing Grammar Nazi's crown.

Substitute Nurse with your name and then if you need someone to blame, you can blame dVerse. Hell, after reading this I needed to curse. So hopefully I left your brain a little intact today going a tad overboard with the rhymes I display. But oh well what can you do? Go poo in my shoe? That was a rhetorical question you know. No back talk at my show. I better run before I get more sass. Bah, no matter the sass you are still liked by my little rhyming ass.

Monday, January 30, 2012

I have kept up this rhyming act for a year giving many facts from my little rhyming rear. Plus proving I'm a crazy loon but still better than that cow that jumped over the moon. How it is done all the time with my rhyming fun, escapes even me. So today I figured I would give answering it a go at my sea, as people ask away every once in a while at my bay. Now buckle in and you may soon be rhyming at your bin.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

So this popped in and I had to give it a go at my bin. After Brian's son had a little monkey space play, I just let the rhymes fall where they lay. And of course I guess the is an under current to it, meaning it can work for a dVerse fit.

Use an animal for the save,
To prevent an early grave.
It is for your own good,
We can rid you of xtueolmophia in your hood.

Let the monkey go first.
That 2-2.5% difference burst,
In their DNA,
Makes it all seem okay.

After all the other 97.5-98 percent,
Is human so don't get bent.
We are here to save,
To prevent an early grave.

Forget the protests,
And other fan fests.
Yell and scream,
Let those hateful eyes beam.

A new path we pave,
One where we save.
So we can march and kill,
Just for a thrill.

Hop a countries fence,
Because we think their dense.
Forget the grey matter,
Our wallets must get fatter.

The research takes form,
Even if things stay the norm.
Can't screw with those,
Who a new way would bring woes.

But we are still here to save,
Even if we are greeds slave.
With this path we pave,
We prevent an early grave.

Maybe for you grandkids kids,
If we aren't in 1984 grids.
So why rant and rave?
As through the animal we will save.

Not going all activist or anything crazy like that. Just giving you the facts from the view of the cat. As for all the saving to prevent mass graving, claiming animal research does such a thing to some may have a nice ring. But does it really work? When up your ears perk and you see what goes on around. Seems things just go round and round. Probably still be the same when we are all in the grass and that is all today from my little rhyming ass.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

So some stupid storm came about at your sea, like it recently did to me and poof goes the power. But never fear you can still take a cold shower. Doesn't that just please? You can now stay inside and freeze. Then poof could go the heat, depending upon how you warm your feet. Now comes the worst part and remember not to throw a dart.

For the boredom can set in, especially since it is too cold to leave your bin. Yeah, that could just be me but I would rather hibernate at my sea, avoiding all that snow. That just has to go. So what do you do when the power goes out on you?

What to do, What to doWhen The Power Poofs Out On You!

What to do?
The lights have blew.
Oh wait!
Was the power bill late?

Nope! Some stupid storm,
Has ruined the norm.
No computer games or anything tech wise,
I know most would send out cries.

Their world has come crashing down.
No longer can they attain the king ding a ling crown.
A generator would come in handy,
Those things can be quite dandy.

But usually bye bye goes the crap.
So now is as good a time as any for a nap.
Could take a cleaning lap,
But if you have any OCD you already filled that gap.

And of course you want to keep warm,
So do what may or may not be the norm.
Cuddle up and get all sweet,
For that one Fox might give me heat.

Then you could stack pringle cans,
And blow them over with fans.
Of course you'd have to twirl the thing,
Or let your breath fling.

Giving it a good blow,
To bring about its spinning flow.
Then you get rid of some hot air,
Which, for some, probably isn't rare.

Of course you complain,
Joining the whining train.
Sitting and moaning for a while,
Letting them compile.

That sure would waste time,
Until the clocks once again give their chime.
Then you have to redo each one.
For some that could be a ton.

Could take something apart,
Like a tea cart.
Then put it back together,
Making it not strong enough to hold a feather.

If all else fails,
Grab some nails,
And take a hammer to the thing.
Warning! Swear words you may sing.

Hammering in the dark,
Could make you give off quite the bark.
If you hit your thumb,
You'll be saying more than bum.

So you've had some whine,
Thought about what you heard through the grapevine.
And wrote this rubbish in your head,
Oops, was that just said.

See what comes from no power,
This has to make you cower.
For you could go insane and chime,
Every single thing in rhyme.

So there are some strange and weird facts to do if the power goes out on you. Sure each can create a crazy theory to keep themselves cheery and not at all dreary, when the lights go out and things get eerie. At least now you can't sit and stew and have plenty to do. Until the power outage comes to pass and that is all from my little rhyming ass.

Friday, January 27, 2012

Sadly Flappy has come back, once again making me rant at my shack. I must reiterate the title because brains cells truly are vital. But Flappy seems to have none or at least is missing a ton. For after aging so you no longer suck your thumb, how can anyone be this dumb? Okay, I know some people still suck there thumb at a ripe old age but that's nasty so we'll just ignore that and turn the page.

"Do you have a VCR here? I want to play a DVD?"

Does anyone else see the stupidity there? Well just in case you don't as you sit and stare, I will help you out with a descriptive shout.

Now they have a "Video" in common I guess, so maybe that's why her brain is in such a mess. But does cassette and disc match? Maybe if you go off to la la land and down that Lost hatch. So I kept my remark to myself and tried not to treat her like a dumb know nothing elf.

"You mean a DVD player, right?"

"No! I need a VCR to play my DVD."

"VCRs never have and never will play DVDs."

She looked at me like I was crazy and my mind was the one that was hazy. Yeah, I know I'm nuts most of the time but me screwing up the difference would be a crime. Before I could even say a word she kept going thinking I was absurd.

"The other place we used to go had a VCR that played DVDs."

She talks about that other place so damn much, I wish she'd get back in touch and leave me the hell alone. I'd so like to whack some sense into her with the phone.

"Well unless it is a combo you are referring to, no they didn't."

"No! It was just a VCR that played DVDs."

I wonder what she thinks plays mp3s, a record player? This was just taking stupid to a whole new layer. Obviously Flappy had played a DVD before, as she had one holding it with her stupid ass encore. So unless she is blind or has her head well and tight up someones behind, she should know what the hell plays the thing. For DVD player is right on the side, front, etc. of each player giving it a ring.

"Either way we don't have a VCR here."

"Why not? Everyone should have a VCR."

"Because VCRs are resting comfortably with eight track players."

Her eyes widened and she batted her eyelash, not expecting that from our clash. Plus there is a VCR at work with a TV, but no way in hell was I digging that out for stupid Flappy.

"Well what do people use when they come here?"

"A laptop. Those things have great VCRs in them. They play DVDs so well."

"I'll have to see if one of the others has a laptop they can bring."

And off she went back to the room with me wanting to clock her with a broom. The moron didn't even get my laptop crack, thinking they have a VCR in them to play that DVD for her crazy ass pack. All I know is I need to win the lottery and get the hell out of here, for Flappy surely strikes fear. No idea how anyone can listen to her sass as ten seconds is more than enough for my little rhyming ass.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

That magic chair made the cat give out insults at the mall and now I'm getting nasty insults mailed to my hall. I guess those people couldn't handle be in a movie and didn't think it was very groovie. But the cat will take them in stride for they will make for such a fun blog ride.

You have a room temperature IQ.
Guess I just need to jack it up a few.
You're as bright as Alaska in December.
At least Santa can find me and remember.

You fell out of the family tree.
And survived as you can see.
Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
Walking is good exercise anyway and trains make that annoying humming.

A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
Does that mean I'll win an election?
Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching you.
Is it my fault he wasn't on duty to view?

If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
Damn! I got a power, that has to cause a commotion.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
But still dull enough to make you roar.

It's hard to believe that you beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
I guess I can really umm squirm.
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge and you only gargled from it.
See I have so much brain power I only needed a little hit.

Takes you 10 hours to watch 60 minutes each time.
What do you expect when I sit here and rhyme?
Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
Yeah, I ate him but don't worry your pretty little head.

You are depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
So are you the idiot affiliate?
You're so dense, light bends around you.
Damn! Another super power, that's two.

If brains were taxed, you'd get a rebate.
I'll take the money, don't hate.
If you were any more stupid, you'd have to be watered twice a week.
Then no water I would have to seek.

Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
When it is found I'll have double the wit.
If I gave a penny for your thoughts, I'd get change.
And more money seems strange?

Geez, these guys need better insults for the cat. I think they kind of fall flat. But I guess humans just aren't able to keep up with me and good old bush number three. The facts in case you are lost is no one really did accost, except those guys and girls from the mall and they truly had a ball. Aren't you humans so crass? Or at least you think you are until made fun of by my little rhyming ass.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

So I went to the mall the other day and the cat really doesn't have much else to say. If you believe that you are crazier than I. Oh come now, don't cry. For there will be more movie fun as I run down a ton. It seems they installed a new chair. It said to sit on it if you dare. Yeah, you had to pay a dollar for it to work. So I stuck in a loonie and gave a smirk. I had no idea what to expect. But I should have read the fine print I suspect.

It said for the next hour movies references galore would shower. This was for Pat not the cat, but I felt a quick jolt as I sat down and it was too late, I was now wearing the movie crown. Every person that came into view, keep in mind the mall was packed too, I gave a movie shout. The facts are they thought I was crazy, no doubt.

He seems quite Careless,
Nothing to Lose and quite the mess.
Chowing down on his Good Burger snack.
Soon he'll have a Gross Anatomy attack.

A Eulogy will be given,
As he remains Hiding Out from the livin'.
What PIGS!
Those Twins have wigs.

Maybe they have a Tootsie complex,
Or need to pay Friday respects.
Would Sorority Boys be a better one?
Those Varsity Blues are just no fun.

The Secret of My Success?
Just Add Water I confess.
Don't eat those Mixed Nuts.
You're already Big with two butts.

Could take up all of Arlington Road.
With your Fast Food Nation load.
Put away your Radio.
It's not good to go Stir Crazy you know.

You sure are one Twisted rat,
Paying 300 for that.
The price was Sky High,
Now don't Breakdown and cry.

My ears may go Numb.
And Red Eye just looks dumb.
Enough with your White Noise.
Be the Worlds Greatest Dad and go buy some toys.

She sure has A Few Good Men.
Rumor Has It she has ten.
She must certainly Score.
With such Fanboys galore.

I'm flaring up your Heart Condition?
Liar Liar, now go see a physician.
A rhyming cat is an Urban Legend you say.
Hmmm guess Evolution truly came my way.

Look at that Desperado go.
With quite the Exitspeed as he stoops low.
Probably will be joining Con Air.
Eye See You stealing what is rare.

Strat! That was the Kiss of Death.
He's going Commando and has bad breath.
Truly a Fright Night.
Some Signs should say keep out of the light.

She has Snake Eyes,
I guess The Mummy is wise.
Or had a Blow Out.
Thanks to some Bottleshock bout.

It will lower your Career Opportunies bud.
You'll be in the sewers with the CHUD.
Straight up Wolf Creek.
I'm just Unstoppable with my movie speak.

Damn, you have Alien hands,
And Predator glands.
I'll gladly go into Maximum Overdrive.
So Bye Bye Birdie I made it out alive.

I was quickly thrown out as my hour was up. I guess I made too many spit their coffee back in their cup. It seems that hurt sales. But what does one expect as I'm off the rails. There we go another movie tale at my show has come to pass. I bet you are now just all movied out thanks to my little rhyming ass.

Have you gone blind yet? Now don't go blaming this pet. This makes me look like a word hoarder but dVerse wanted people to go all border. So they are to blame but I did take border to a whole new game. For the cat or Pat has not crossed a border, at least a literal one, so that was taken off the order. Yet what else needs one? Why a puzzle, which brought about this fun. So off I went and stole headlines from the news and then used them for a puzzle to confuse. And if the piece don't fit, feel free to jam it, damn it! Now lets search for the border and hopefully they come in short order.

Home playing with your Softwood at three?
Years of good gossip crashed recently.
Buy ten homes for your life,
Look how you’re able to get clear of the wife.

Watch top death trailer of week,
We help new job you seek.
Weren’t you really about to ask,
How I saw without the help of a mask?

Every word was used, which yeah could leave some confused. The true border facts are, that the border can be different for any bar. Depending on how you pick and if you are rather slick. But the ending border was a bit tough, getting it to rhyme can be rough. But I made it fit and there is my border hit. If only the cat could afford gas then maybe once more he'd try to get across the border with his little rhyming ass.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Drazin thinks his cat fur slippers are great and won't stop wearing them at any rate. But I guess he isn't getting the villian respect he'd like. As if losing to two cats wouldn't make the villian society tell him to take a hike. So he wanted to prove he is really bad and sent the cat a list of villains that are just sad.

He expected me to make fun of his list but I'll make him shake is fist. Instead I am going to use them to show all of you how to be a great villian for all to view.

#10 - The Point. You have to make ones nose go out of joint. Making you seem so scary and not like some nice woodland fairy. So get to pointing at your bay. But I'd throw the rats away.

#9 - The Cigar! You have to butch up at your bar. So stick the thing in your yap and munch on it before you flap. That will make you seem scary too. Although it may kill you.

#8 - Dress to Impress. What is a villain without someone to watch their back? You need back up when you go on the attack. But don't settle for a poor color scheme. With the matching wear you will all gleam.

#7 - Use the Bad Breath. You want to bring death. So use it and open that trap, sporting a great big gap. If you look like a booger though, you may be scary enough and no bad breath needs to flow.

#6 - Sport the Tie. Go ahead and give it a try. A pretty bow tie will have your foes trembling in their shoes. You will even look good on the news.

#5 - Work Those Facial Features. Those nice people have to see your from the bleachers. You don't just want to scare those close to you. You have to scare them all at once when you get bug eyes or turn blue.

#4 - Use Your Brain. Or it might get old and wrinkly causing you to pop a vein. Or a couple dozen in this case. Isn't that one ugly face?

#3 - Drink Plenty of Fluids. Maybe even dress like some scary druids. But watch your health because even if you steal wealth, you can't get the chicks if you are held together by sticks.

#2 - See Here is Proof! The cat doesn't goof. You can water your brain and make those muscles grow from all the pain. Making those goody goody people suffer actually makes you buffer.

#1 - The Name! You don't want to sound lame. So you really need to get a scary name for when you reach bad guy fame. These guys have it down. Their names are spoke all over town. Screw Loose and Wingnut. Now with that kind of name you sure can strut. But beware! Wing a nut and the owner may care. And if you screw loose a disease it may produce.

Now aren't you a proud bad guy. You will soon look like this, no lie!

Tons of gold to take hold and flashy fingers making you seem so bold. Plus the nice whiskers that threaten your foe and the bad breath to let flow. You'll soon be villian number one and make all the little kiddies run.

Think Drazin meant for all of that? Either way you know no one is more evil then a cat. So think about that before you humans cross one. Isn't being a villian fun? That is all the villian Face it Facts for today class. I have to go scare some people with my little rhyming ass.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

The cat seems to have something in his eye today. It is really causing me some dismay. Wait! Didn't this happen once before at my shore? Oh no! You have to know the upcoming flow. The eye crap will be taking another lap. Damn this dust getting in my eye. After this your eyes may water and you may want to cry.

This may confuse a ton.
Yet it isn't a con.
So no whacking me with a hoe,
Or throwing your shoe.

Please contain your fury,
And don't threaten to bury.
The cat is still your friend,
Even if you are a fiend.

And you should go suck a lemon.
Aren't I a little demon?
Let's pretend I ate an orange,
And my stomach acted strange.

Wait! Maybe I ate some bad crow,
Or it could have been that cow.
But it tasted so good,
And I need food.

Especially that protein,
Wouldn't want to pop a vein.
That could really cost,
If a vet I have to host.

Smacking my bone,
And before he's done.
Sticking a thing up my butt,
I'd like to tell him where it can be put.

Even tries to make me cough,
Isn't going to happen though.
For I am tough,
And his head is made of dough.

Plus I have no wound,
So shake that belly that's oh so round.
I'll blow more than wind,
If you don't get that thing out of my behind.

Go and bother some wolf,
Or better yet play golf.
Probably takes you an hour,
To get to hole number four.

You are such an elite,
Oops! Yes, I bite.
Did it hurt? Good!
Don't try and take my blood.

I will show you no love,
No matter how you move.
So leave me alone,
As we are quite done.

I want to go home and feast.
While you touch that tech's breast.
I know you were in the mood,
But I don't think she understood.

You may get your own wanted poster,
Or join the orange jumpsuit roster.
Don't take a certain tour,
It may leave your sore and sour.

Next up is some ragdoll,
As off I stroll.
With my great height,
Stuck in a cage like freight.

Just thinking of that nasty old vet probably brought this eye rhyme on. I guess I will avoid such thoughts further down the road at my lawn. Then maybe we can avoid these confusing rhymes. But don't we still have such fun times?

So just in case you did not know from my previous show, that is an eye rhyme. Not to be confused with my mind rhyme chime. The facts of this one are they look the same but thanks to some historic vowel changing game, they no longer sound the same. This means dead people are to blame. Have fun sending them your sass or feel free to give it to my little rhyming ass.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Thanks to the comments below yesterday at my show, I was showed there was a nonsense thing and you know I had to let that fling. So here at my wing, the nonsense I will surely bring. Is that different from any other day? Probably not, but we'll pretend anyway.

I need to rest my head,
My head in the bed.
But there is a blipper bump,
Some kind of littup lump.

I guess it wants a hump,
But it says I'm a grump.
No hump for the grump,
Or a grump to hump.

The spread tulip lip,
Did a flip trip,
But I got a grip,
And threw a hip.

Sick and tickly tired,
Now just whacky wired.
Grump the hump,
Hump the grump.

Sleep with craze,
The dreaded maze.
Many a whacky way,
But only one lippy lay.

Just wanted to head,
Head to bed.
Sleep of the dittering dead.
Not warrant bed head,

There is my nonsense facts for the day. Could you tell sleep needed to be had my way? Guess I proved I'm not lazy and way more than a tad crazy. But had fun with the nonsense sass and that is all from my little rhyming ass.

Friday, January 20, 2012

You know if you are going to change something the least you can do is make sure the strat works before giving it a ring. I don't give a strat if the thing is free. You change it, you make damn sure it works before spreading your so called updated glee.

Don't send me to another browser for this blog,
Make me go back to the other in a fog.
No matter how I change the time,
You still have me in the pacific with each comment chime.

Can't even use reply at ones own place,
That is just a disgrace.
Then to top it all off it's only just begun,
As we are in for SO MUCH more fun.

Because what bright idea do they have now?
To make blogger have a complete and utter cow.
If adding a reply does this,
Wait until their next bit of bliss.

Come March 1st GFC goes poof!
And no, this isn't a goof.
For those with no blogger blog,
Guess you are out in the fog.

Then it will be gone altogether,
At least rumored to be come summer weather.
But never fear,
Give a cheer.

For we have the grand Google + to use,
Much more tacky and seems to confuse.
Plus it doesn't have the ease,
So that surely doesn't please.

Nothing like taking away what people like,
Telling it to take a hike.
Then making them go to your big bad Facebook rip off.
Which both should drown in a trough.

Garbage is all I can say,
And I guaruntee dismay.
Since a simple reply addition ****ed it up.
Prepare for one big hiccup.

Google needs to get a grip,
Stop trying to give us crap they want to be hip,
And leave well enough alone.
Because it's only busted when they decide to make an update go prone.

Trying to be better than the rest,
Refusing to test.
Yet still thinking they are the best.
Google is just becoming a nagging pest.

Sadly the facts of GFC going poof are true. Which will probably turn some blue. No idea how them taking away GFC is going to work for blog rolls and such. But you can bet there will glitches more than a touch. So there is some more blogger sass, which I'm sure they are getting from more than my little rhyming ass.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

This bug eyed creep just couldn't stay away. Now he wants his own theme song to display. You know one only he will sing or like. Everyone else will tell him to take a hike. Kind of like Joxer The Mighty I guess. This pest is just copying the cat but still I guess it's semi-interesting none the less.

I don't know how I get sucked into telling his tales.

But it's once again told by me as Tarsier Man goes off the rails.

After saving poor Know Everything Eel,

From a snack attack ordeal.

And eating his last saved bug,

Which he stored under his rug.

Tarsier still wanted to up his game,

Saving animals was just lame.

Humans were where the money was at,

Not to mention the glory and all of that.

So he stalked a jingle man,

And rigged his office private can.

"Boom You're Dead"

I think Lethal Weapon 2 went to his head.

The jingle man just wanted some relief,

As he muttered "Good Grief."

Thinking it was J-Lo getting payback,

For the commercial showing her butt and not her rack.

But in came Tarsier with his suit of bark,

Acting all brave as his fake bomb started to spark.

He yanked it out and cut a wire,

Ensuring the jingle man things were no longer dire.

Just as he predicted the jingle man fell for his scheme,

And he was delighted to get his dream.

The jingle man went straight to work,

And within a few hours Tarsier Man's ears began to perk.

For his theme song had been done,

And he found it so fun.

He grabbed the master copy,

Dashing away with glee being forgetful and sloppy.

As he strutted down the street,

Listening to the mp3 of his new beat.

A huge explosion was heard from behind,

To which he paid no mind.

Turns out the bomb was real,

Because he had used the right kind of steel.

The wire he cut was a fraud,

And wow his brain is flawed.

Dedicating his new theme to the jingle man,

Ignoring the notion he did this by rigging the can.

As his bomb was only for show,

And besides the FBI thought it was J-Lo.

I know I leave you in some misery,

As the song remains a mystery.

But know to avoid Tarsier Man for the save,

As he'll send you to an early grave.

A Tarsier Man tale has spun and now off I will run. I have to track down that theme song. Not to for all to view would just be wrong. I'll find it and write it up as I pick my toe jam. As I'm not sure either Tarsier Man or it will be worth a damn. With him killing his saves and all. But the facts are simply Tarsier Man is off the wall. He also has no class and that is all on this bug eyed creep from my little rhyming ass.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Upon being caged once more to go to that awful shore with all those cats, that scurry about like rats. The cat gave a little reflection to a thing you humans sometimes think of as protection. But guess what? You are all just as caged as my little rhyming butt.

Not not this schmuck. Who's movies always suck. Especially now a days. But I guess below is what happens when one sits around and plays, neglecting the tax man. His movies they should ban.
Because let's say you watch more than one. Let's say you watch a ton.

Then you would end up like this. At least you'd have lots of umm head to kiss.

But we won't go there any more. Could get quite scary at my shore. As I was saying before that scary sight started playing. Pat cages us to go to that awful place all those fluffy hairballs are just a disgrace.

We just smile and know, that you are just as caged at your show. What you think I goof? Well here is some proof.

Are you ready? The cage is going to drop quite steady.

And you will soon feel like this. Then all you will need to do is hiss.

Look you guys have made a condom cage. I'm sure that is just all the rage.

Such a pretty cage for your feet. I'm sure they can't be beat. Unless you break an ankle causing you to become quite rankle.

You even build cages and spend your wages to watch a guy hit a ball with a stick. Along with watching them pat butts and gives seeds a flick.

You travel in death trap cages too. But at least it's pretty to view. For you'll be well liked when you crash, just yell "eh" a thousand times as your life starts to flash.

All caged into the daily grind letting the rat race dictate your behind.

Then comes the final nail that might make some wail. For the whole world is a cage, you are stuck no matter how much you rage. Can't just hop a ship after giving your lip. Then the galaxy cages that and the universe cages that mat. And whatever comes next cages it and the next cages that with a fit. So you see, you are all caged just like me.

But the facts are we can't take the cage away. As you may become a snack in some bay. The bars may not be as apparent or generally not that inherent. Geez, who knew all could come from being stuck in a cage as Pat watched the gauge. The one for gas and I just keep growling away with my little rhyming ass.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Mary took my whale that can grow a tree and said I should write a children's book at my sea. So I figured what the heck I'd do a dVerse kiddie trek.

A Whale Of A Tale

Standing Turtle and Invisible Flea

Had found an island with a tree.

They lied back in the sand,

Finding the shade and privacy grand.

Home had become too stale,

They wished they could set sail.

Dreaming of lands afar,

And wishing upon a star.

Standing Turtle wiggled his toe,

Resulting in a giggle from below.

A geyser shot up into the air,

Completely drenching the pair.

As the water began to drip,

Invisible Flea dropped her lip.

Standing Turtle had to blink,

For their home had begun to shrink.

They realized they were in motion,

And now surrounded by the ocean.

Farther and farther they seemed to drift,

Feeling the ground beneath them shift.

The pair were left in shock,

As their island began to rock.

Invisible Flea scurried up the tree.

Standing Turtle quaked at the knee.

They saw great big teeth,

As a face rose from beneath.

It was that of Treed Whale,

Who saw the two looking rather pale.

He gave an inviting smile,

Rumbling his one tree isle.

Standing Turtle felt relief.

Invisible Flea lost her grief.

They gave each other a shrug,

Deciding to trust the big lug.

They appoached Treed Whale's head,

And this is what he said:

Congratulations! You've earned a trip.

Aboard Treed Whale's ship.

Around the world we're about to skip.

So buckle in and get a good grip.

Standing Turtle and Invisible Flea,

Each quickly grabbed onto the tree.

Treed Whale picked up his pace,

Introducing each and every place.

The land of delightful sound,

Will surely amuse and astound.

The land of this and that,

Has a cat living in a hat.

Upside down monkey retreat,

Has hotdogs that can't be beat.

The haven of shameless skunk,

Is best avoided due to a smelly funk.

The tricky do-hicky region,

Has it own purple flamingo legion.

The mountains of Semamado,

House a witch that might eat you.

Past that lies merdogs reef,

They drool so our visit will be brief.

Inside Out Inn is the best,

When you need a quick rest.

The gals at whooping rock,

Sporting furry faces like to mock.

Everything goes pok-a-dot,

Here at popping painters spot.

There is the nation of forever frown.

It's said a wizard cursed the town.

Over there we have clown worm estate,

Their parties are always great.

A sky full of color resides east,

Where fireworks are constantly released.

Its sister sky to the west.

Is filled with rainbows from a magic chest.

Wavy gravy province will amuse,

As the jolting jellyfish sing the blues.

The space base is from beyond,

Ever think alien hippos would be blond?

Standing Turtle and Invisible Flea,

Found their trip was filled with glee.

But when they spied a familar sight.

Their hearts truly took flight.

Now finally we have a land,

Filled with friends willing to lend a hand.

Who show a little concern,

As they wait for your return.

Standing Turtle shed a tear,

While Invisible Flea gave a cheer.

After going to the planet's ends,

They learned home was with their friends.

I see you are ready to leave,

And have finally come to believe.

That after all you have seen.

Your grass is still well and green.

Standing Turtle swam ashore,

He let his arms really soar,

As Invisible Flea rode on his back,

Pointing to the gathering pack.

Hornless Moose and Mooing Frog,

Led the pack to the bog.

They danced and played on sight,

Well into the stary night.

Finally Treed Whale set sail,

Off to help Quick Wit Snail.

Standing Turtle and Invisible Flea,

Waved goodbye as he sang with glee.

Need to travel near or far?

Just place a wish upon a star.

For I swim from bay to bay,

And may just come your way.

So what is your feedback on that? Can kiddie be done by the cat? Have to imagine the lands and such though, as there is no art bones in the cat to help show. But anyway there was my go at a new children's book type post, as Mary egged on your host. Now I can't end this without any sass, so I still have to leave off with away I go with my little rhyming ass.

Monday, January 16, 2012

So without even reading this little bit of bliss, I'm sure you've seen the brand new header across your screen. I figured it was time for something new and something a bit more homey when you come to view. But I still want you to go away, no loitering allowed at my bay. On second thought why not? Then I could write tickets up and use the fines to fill my tin cup. But either way, what do you think about the new one I had commissioned for my bay?

As now when I abuse,
I will not confuse.
The bush with the crack,
Is right up top at my shack.

The stupid hat is gone from my head,
So I don't suffer the dread.
Of being compared to that other one,
With his stripped hat of fun.

For I have more attitude,
And I'm a tad more rude.
As you can't tell what I'm thinking as I pose,
So I could bite your nose.

No longer do I have the world in my hands,
As I am king of it and rule the sands.
It deserves to be sat on by me,
Only getting the ass end you see.

Since I am king,
I surely had to be front and center of the thing.
But Cassie is lying on the floor,
Sucking back the warmth as the fire continues to roar.

And Pat is just sitting there,
Pretending to stare.
As some subliminal advertising is at play,
With his first book on display.

Look at how sneaky I can be,
Here at Bush #3.
Which is also named all well and good.
With a plaque made of gold not wood.

Oh and look! There is an empty chair,
Maybe I should charge a fair.
Then one person can sit and view,
Until their time is up and payment is due.

Then plenty of books to add to the background,
As already here many are found.
And I stare out with my yellow eyes,
Ruling the world because I'm so wise.

Giving a sly little smirk,
To all of those that come to lurk.
For you just never know.
What will happen at my show.

So there are the facts on the new art. Doesn't it beat yesterdays fart? Big thanks to astro_art too. For the new header that came due. Now you can stare at the cat, Pat and Cass, as I cover the world with my little rhyming ass.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Today I may get a little crude and maybe even a tad rude. But you are used to it and you can blame dVerse for this little fit. As they showed some art and the first thing I thought was fart. Hey! It's not a bad word everyone does it so no need to flip me the bird. You can pretend you don't but it's a lie. So I'm just going to let it rip and the farts are going to fly.

Having a case of gas is no joke,
The more you hold it the more your insides choke.
So don't be an embarrassed bloke,
And give those farts a poke.

Of course you must follow some rules,
Or suffer the wrath of fools.
But never fear that cat is here,
To teach you the etiquette to farting out your rear.

If you go with a big dress,
You could be left in a mess.
The air could get trapped and linger.
So when wearing a dress no pull my finger.

If you want to be sure and get rid of it all,
When the gas gives a call.
This is the easiest way,
But don't moon others as it could cause dismay.

Never stand on a balcony and let one rip,
The air will send you for a flip,
And you might fall to your death,
So go inside and hold your breath.

Crossing your legs doesn't make it go away,
No matter your display.
At least the blanket will wipe it up,
If a wet one gives a hiccup.

Set it to music as you fart,
You can really play a tune from the heart.
Okay, maybe it's your butt.
Oh and above all, don't piss off a mutt.

This would just be an awful fate,
I guess farting makes them irate.
Maybe they smell what you ate off your plate.
The same goes for your date.

They get really ticked off,
Your stink making them cough.
You'll sure get beat off too,
With plenty of bruises to view.

Sometimes it just won't come out,
So don't sit and pout.
Get creative with your fart.
It truly can be an art.

Contrary to popular belief,
Your stench still causes grief.
Even if you lift your leg when doing it.
Plus it's a dead giveaway a fart was lit.

Also if you constantly do it over and over,
You won't only offend rover.
But from people holding their breath all day,
A big head may form and be on display.

And above all NEVER do it in front of a cat.
As we will stop ridding you of rat.
Because we can even smell in on the roof top.
But other than all of this feel free to fart non-stop!

I have to admit I never thought I'd be doing fart facts. But looking at the facial expressions from some the painting acts. It is what popped into my head. I hope all my farting didn't cause you too much dread. Not to mention the nude art. But I guess you all can take it to fart. Strat! I better leave as there is quite a lot of gas, even for my little rhyming ass.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

After the great review HERE of A Not So Barren World by Pat. He told the cat to go back to TV Shows at his mat. I think after that review I had to give this one a run, with my rhyming run.

I did Stargate SG1 a while back with an episode title rhyming attack and figured there had to be more. So I will once again opened that door. I thought about Monk but that idea sunk, as his name is in every one, meaning you'd guess and that be no fun. The same with Chuck. So that one had to go pluck a duck. 24 just would not do, reciting the hours of the day eight times to you.

So I just kept going down my list and this one I couldn't resist. There are plenty of movie references/titles used too. But they are direct episode titles not actual movies that came into view. Yeah, they ripped them off with a nod and a cough. Anyway, enough out of me. Can you guess the show at my sea?

Everybody Loves A Clown,
Until Something Wicked comes to town.
They may sing a Swan Song,
Exile on Main St. is just wrong.

The Real Ghostbuters show up,
Heaven and Hell have a hiccup.
The After School Special states,
Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things or go on dates.

I Know What You Did Last Summer,
Criss Angel is a Douchebag, bummer.
Makes Changing Channels easier though,
Unless you like The Devil You Know.

All Hell Breaks Loose,
With a Weekend at Bobby's with Zeus.
It was probably The French Mistake,
As they began to Swap Meat at the lake.

Good god, Y'all,
The fees for a Long Distance Call.
When the Levee Breaks,
Abandon All Hope for handshakes.

Free To Be You and Me,
Caged Heat can be an opportunity.
But The Song Remains The Same,
The Third Man was lame.

Shut Up, Dr. Phil,
I'd rather watch Road Kill.
And sing the Folsom Prison Blues.
Or Sex and Violence on the news.

Clap Your Hands If You Believe,
99 Problems are a real pet peeve.
Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid,
Like A Virgin lad.

You Can't Handle The Truth,
Just Wishful Thinking at your booth.
Hello Cruel World Let It Bleed,
The Girl Next Door dropped the seed.

Mommy Dearest is trying to get in touch,
With The Man Who Knew Too Much.
But The Man Who Would Be King,
Wants to have an Unforgiven fling.

Simon Said The Kids Are Alright,
After that My Bloody Valentine fright.
And still All Dogs Go To Heaven,
No matter the attempts of The Magnificent Seven.

Well Mannequin 3: The Reckoning,
Has a Fallen Idol beckoning,
It's a Bad Day At Black Rock.
Sometimes Bedtime Stories can shock.

Two Minutes To Midnight,
Two and a Half Men have to catch a flight.
Off to an Appointment In Samarra,
Taking the Hammer of the Gods from Hera.

So before I Jump The Shark,
With some Monster Movie remark.
Hitting the Point of no Return like a maroon,
Or go to the Dark Side of the Moon.

The Usual Suspects can now guess,
My Slash Fiction mess.
So Dream a Little Dream of me my friend,
And that is simply The End.

You know there can be a lot of material in episode titles as well. If you haven't surmised that from my current rhyming spell. Just find a show you like and take a title hike. There you go, you now have something else to let flow. So that's the facts on how you rhyme the episode titles of a show. Take a guess in the comments below. Or if I confused get crass. It never bothers my little rhyming ass.

Friday, January 13, 2012

The cat does not know what has magically occurred as of late but many weirdos people seem to be finding me at an alarming rate. I don't mean all of you so "don't have a fit" which was typed by someone that came to view. That's right! We are once again going to shed some light on who the search engines send my way. Some seem to have serial killer tendencies at play.

Those Looking For a Deal on a Meal

"fried squirrel photo"

Well Brian did say they tasted like chicken a while back. I guess many agree with his comment whack. This person most have wanted to see if they were doing it right before they took a bite.

"cat tail hamburger"

Really? Who the heck would take a cat tail and set sail, sticking it between a bun. A tail-less cat would just be no fun. If this becomes a trend something will have to be done. Can you imagine grocery stores selling cat tails by the ton?

"mice themed recipes"

Now this is more my style. The cat has a whole file on how to cook a mouse. I'll even get the things out of your house. Unlike some prissy cats I know over at some other show.

"mouse crossbreeding graph"

This was search four times, no joke. Almost made me choke. When have I should a mouse crossbreeding graph here? I didn't even know there was such a thing to fear. Plus wouldn't it be mice? So said someone searched this more than twice.

"more than one way to skin a cat"

So now that you are done with the tail you want to hang us across some rail, skin us and cooked us up. I hope your eyes burn from hot coffee spilled out of your cup.

The Horribly Confused and Maybe Abused

"does fan and cat rhyme?"

Unless you are two I don't think any rhyming should ever be done by you. Not even the most ungodly accent can make those rhyme. You're better off finding a career as a mime.

"spot winkie"

This isn't some Where's Waldo place, you don't have to spot a face. Or are you missing something you nicknamed down below. I can guarantee it isn't at my show. Come in out of the cold and your spot may once again take hold.

"forum poor little dinosaur haha that's nasty"

Hmmmm any ideas on this one? Seems to be randomly spun. A forum dinosaur is nasty I guess. I'm sure the dinosaur, being extinct and all, could care less.

"crazy song sgsgsgs"

Mike, D4, Gareth, you want to take this one? Any song with such a title somewhere under the sun? Or is this lurker over the rainbow and just doesn't know?

"intitle:snoring+%22post+a+comment%22+-%22you+must+be+logged"

I sooo hope that was a mistaken copy and paste. Otherwise what a big waste. Who would really type such a thing? If you did someone really donged your ding.

"21. april 2011 car exident drazin"

Hmmmm Drazin does have a big mouth and all, shouting his name as he nears my hall. But a car accident, I think not. Although on second thought. Maybe the Grammar Nazi tried to frame Drazin for this. As we all know spelling errors can make him hiss.

"how to rhyme to everything"

Is that rhyme for everything or rhyming everything. You have to be clear for the rhymes to fling.

An Ego Boost Here At My Roost

"pat hatt rhyme time"

Bah! That is a ego deflation, Pat is only around for maybe a summation. The cat is the one you should be looking for. Stupid Pat, have to stuff him in a drawer.

"most clever rhymes ever"

Awww you are so nice, you even searched it twice.

"rhyme time" questions and answers

You truly do find all you need or are just so confused by my feed, that by the time you leave here you think your questions are answers and vice versa thanks to my little rhyming rear.

"germy dirty keyboard"

That's right, join in on the OCD fight. Clean that keyboard and avoid the germs. Have to love such search terms.

"strat hits the fan"

Even found me through the video I made for Pat. Aren't I just a talented cat?

"mr. cool cat" meow song book

Sorry, no meowing song book though. Maybe I will have to look into that for my show.

And Now The Scary. Someone Obviously Ate a Rotten Berry

"golly gee im a lucky boy"

Did you really have to come and announce such an affair? Why my lair?

"spider bite on dogs balls"

Ummmmm really? Did you look down and have a feely? Bad enough you bring dogs into my shack. But spiders going on the ball biting attack. And you came here twice for it. I hope your dog can at least still sit.

"dirty words to rhyme with tash"

I guess someone is over watching M.A.S.H. and you do know there is no more soap, now they just pluck out an eyelash.

"claudia walldoom"

Look out Claudia someone is trying to cause your wall doom! They might make it go boom. Which one I don't know though. Maybe it will be over at the dVerse show.

"hell expanding funny"

How is such a thing funny I must ask? Unless in its warmth you like to bask.

"i'm feeling a little off today wanna help turn me on" 2011

Here's one that will make most cringe once more. I guess someone felt it needed an encore.

"ugly animal pictures to hang on peoples doors"

Bah, any human face will do for this. Just pick one, you can't miss.

"ugly ass face prank"

Are you going to put your ass in a face? Ohh that would just be such a horrible embrace.

"nothing much i can say here if you are one of them, get away "

One of who? A ghost that goes boo? Ohhh one of them you mean. Yeah, them are so unclean. Them shouldn't be seen. Them aren't usually lean. Them want me to stop. Them are going to call a cop.

And the winner of this one, yes, I know there have been a ton. But this one really takes the cake and shows someones mind has begun to shake and bake. Who would type this anyway? Not that I couldn't do them my way. Still, this crazy person might need to pop a pill.

"rhyming death threats"

So normal death threats aren't good enough anymore? They need to rhyme as you yell through the door. What have I done? The rhyming is spreading to everyone. From the fillers to the psycho serial killers. I really better watch my back some rhyming death threat might attack. But you still won't stop my sass and that is all for this edition of the search engine retort given by my little rhyming ass.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

So Heaven asked a while back for me to go all lovey dovey once more at my shack. I was a tad slow doing it at my show. But I always get, at least most, requests done and eventually give them a run. At least you were warned before you came. Yet if you still need to take a cold shower the cat doesn't mind taking the blame. Now here we go on with the lovey dovey show.

So now you want me to provide you humans with pretty pictures to fantasize about too? Does this look like playboy, playgirl, playcat, etc. to you? But I guess I can do one or two, so certain things don't get ummm blue. That goes for guys of course so I give you that Kelly Brook human without remorse. Such a nice sight. Hey, even a cat cat look right?

Don't worry lady humans the cat would never forget you. I wouldn't want to be accused of being biased or anything at my zoo. I have to admit though I don't have much taste in men. But after finding the facts from a few women, the cat came up with one that will really get your mojo going and those juices flowing. Here you go. Don't say I never did anything for you.

Now isn't he just the hottest thing you women have ever seen? Come on admit it. You've loved him ever since you were a teen. So I gave a lovey dovey rhyme and gave you some visuals with this chime. What more could you ask for lass? Don't forget to thank my little rhyming ass.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

The cat doesn't want to bite the hand that feeds him or things could get rather grim. But Pat well this art below, maybe, sorta, probably, actually, kinda does suck, just so you know.

It says what? The title and the name and then enough to maybe please a butt sniffing mutt. You simply stole the world from above my place and slapped it on some background with some black space. Wow, you made a puzzle out of number two. That must have been hard to do. But what does any of them say with the planet they display?

You live on Earth somewhere? It takes place on an Earth like planet, proving we aren't rare? Oceans and land are pretty? Pat, your art expertise I pity. But never fear the cat is here saving you with my little rhyming rear. For from those bought, I contracted new covers out and improved them a WHOLE lot. So see below and Pat remember to feed me good at my show.

A cat time machine. Oh that just goes over so well on my screen. But it may not be just that, as something is fishy when they almost get blown up and travel away in the time traveling cat.

Oh no! There seem to be aliens on to go. The cat can fly in outerspace now to. That cat seems really cool between me and you. Plus the Earth is about to go boom. That has to bring doom.

I don't think Lucifer ever looked so good. Bet he would even scare the crap out of a piece of wood. He seems to have collected quite the amount of power, sure to make many cower. But look even closer in the back and the cat is flying away from a three headed dog attack. A mutt with three heads. Cerberus should really be locked away by the feds.

Plus even after all of that. The cat was visited by the three main characters at his mat. As they waited for the re-charge window to come to pass. The cat got some questions in, warning the germy guy is rather crass. Since the books aren't in rhyme too, just this once I won't rhyme for you.

An interview with Jack McCoy, Emily Milano and Mason.

Favorite movie line you have used?

Jack: "Do I have to pick just one? Hmm when I told Leader Clark he could go dirty dancing with Tootsie or maybe when I made twenty four people die hard because I was such a lethal weapon.

Emily: "Please, you never did that. I did all the work."

Jack: "Yeah, your kill them all plan was really a stroke of weird science."

Jack: "Doc, if I recall correctly you weren't too shy either. We thought you'd have to bleach her first.

Mason: "Having an invincible wife does keep the germs away you know."

Who did/do you want dead the most?

Mason: "All of them! Hades, Drazin, whatever the hell you want to call the third person talking strat might win out though. McClane and that bitch Hera sure make it hard to pick. I say just take my trusty shotgun, add some grenades, stand them all in a nice straight row and blow them to bits."

Jack: "Doc, you clearly still have issues. Remind me to get you to that shrink when we get home."

Emily: "Don't complain, Mason going all Dirty Harry has pulled us out of many scrapes."

Jack: "That is true. But he forgot Lucy."

Emily: "Lucifer was a big omission, Mason."

Jack: "Maybe Doc just has no love for Lucy."

Mason: "That strat can go suck on his stratty pendant for all I care. Let him rot in Hell while he plays with his Leftovers and whines about His lap dogs all day long."

Why do you think everyone always wants to kill you?

Jack: "That's easy. It is because Doc always says strat and they want to shut him up. We just get caught in the cross hairs."

Mason: "Like you spouting movie references every ten seconds, that no one even gets, doesn't tick them off?"

Emily: "I agree with Mason, it's all your fault. Jack, you did get us all into this mess."

Jack: "Oh you know I Love Trouble but you read The Pelican Brief while Driving Miss Daisy and I let you Lean On Me. So don't go An Innocent Man on me now."

Mason: "Those stratty things that Drazin created in his sad excuse for a fraction."

Jack: "That isn't vague or anything, Doc. Basically they look like what you'd get if a Critter and a Gremlin decided to mate. So Critlen.

Emily: "And you have the nerve to complain about stupid names."

Jack: "Hey, it beats The Middle or some acryonm people or The Nothing. That one really takes the cake.

Mason: "Sure it does."

Jack: "Doc, go wash your hands again or something.

Mason: "After being cooped up in that cat of yours with you two, that's probably not a bad idea."

Emily: "Don't be so hard on Mason, Jack. He just misses that invincible, invisible, naked wife of his."

Jack: "Well I guess we better go save her from that family gathering. Dealing with Daddy and his everything happens for a reason spiel gets kind of old. Plus her step mother is a real psycho bitch and her uncle wouldn't shut up if you paid him. Not to mention Conan walking about in his Tarzan attire, shouting like George of The Jungle and firing up the power of grey skull.

Mason: "Takes an annoyance to know an annoyance."

Emily: "That was good, Mason."

Jack: "Just for that I'll be taking away your grenades, Doc."

They continued their playful banter as they climbed into their cat machine. After a few seconds they poofed from view and now I can go back to rhyming for all of you. What a bunch of windbags they were today at my bay.

Strangely none of them seemed to care about a talking, rhyming cat. I guess after, Hell, gods, The Middle, the P.A.T., the OCP, Drazin, Critlen, Leftovers and everything in between a talking cat kind of falls flat. So there we go, Pat's crappy artwork will no longer show. You can visit the tab above at my shore or go to Pat's place to find out more.

And just in case you never gave a view here is the Strat Hits The Fan, a trailer for the three that came due. Pat really owes me food in mass and that is all the plugging today from my little rhyming ass.

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About Me

Orlin the cat is the rhyming king, all kinds of entertainment and fun I bring. Pat sometimes gets a vote when he has something to say of note. But it is mostly the cat here at our mat. Pat is owned by my myself and Cassie, who is rather sassie. The two cats and Pat reside somewhere in Nova Scotia and "eh" isn't part of our chat. So here at Bush #5, you can balk, poke fun and just enjoy my hive. If you can't then find some sand from any land, pick it up off the ground and proceed to pound. See what fun I can be? So enjoy my sea where the absence of a plot is a plot and now that is all out of me.