Double Marriage

Last weekend Kristi and I went to a wedding. I leaned over and said to her “You know, if we get married again let’s memorize our vows! How cool would that be?!“. She didn’t look like she thought it was cool. I suspected that she was getting hung up on the inference that it would mean something untoward had happened to our current marriage. I set the record clear:

“I mean I think we should get double-married.“

I love my wife, and I would gladly take double-vows! I started exploring what multiple marriages would be like.

It would be a chance to try different kinds of weddings! Destination weddings, eloping, one of those weddings where dishes are constantly destroyed in the name of love. Awesome! Before I got too carried away in my brainstorm Kristi pointed out she would want a ring every time. I relented to this point, but said it made it less likely we would die anything more than deca-married.

The whole premise sounds more like a movie plot really. Like maybe the greedy-groom would be expecting gifts every time (we obviously would ask for best-wishes only). I also began to imagine the hilarious dialoge of a visibly shaken marriage official who is obviously going through his well used routine:

Official “…so the two are becoming one… err…. right, second marriage. Um.. the two are becoming four?… no”
Groom: “The one become half right? Because we’re already one from the first marriage, and it’s always halved.”
Wife: “I think it works in whole numbers, and the original one is indivisible.”

Obviously in this script the wife is talking like a nerdy nuclear engineer.