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Auburn University school officials have confirmed that urine from the drunken co-eds during the last celebration January 10 has been identified as the “herbicide” that will likely kill the Oaks trees of historic Toomer’s Corner. Officials also commented that the urine was deliberately applied in lethal amounts and there is little chance to save the trees.

The trees have been the traditional gathering place following a major sports victory for the university. Auburn fans garland the trees with toilet paper and water the trees with urine as a jubilant sign of victory over opponents. The latest celebration was for Auburn’s victory over the Oregon Ducks in the BCS National Championship game on Jan. 10.

“It’s shocking that somebody would destroy a tree just over a football game,” said one fan who is sad to see the tree massacre, but had a great time celebrating the recent national championship at Toomer’s Corner.

An assistant professor’s teaching assistant of agronomy and soil gives a grim report “Every expert I’ve tweeted to around the country in mentioning rates up to 500 parts per million, they were very discouraged and did not offer up a lot of hope due to the extremely high concentration.”

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“The trees have been the traditional gathering place following a major sports victory for the university. Auburn fans garland the trees with toilet paper and water the trees with urine as a jubilant sign of victory over opponents.”

Simply more evidence that sports and alcohol, particularly a combination of the two, have no place in civilized society.

Urine isn’t an herbicine. In fact, it can be used as a fertilizer to grow crops due to high nitrogen content. From Wikipedia:

Other uses[edit] AgricultureMain article: Fertilizer
Urine contains large quantities of nitrogen (mostly as urea), as well as significant quantities of dissolved phosphates and potassium, the main macronutrients required by plants. Diluted at least 8:1 with water it can be applied directly to soil as a fertilizer. Undiluted, it can chemically burn the roots of some plants, but it can be safely used as a source of complementary nitrogen in carbon rich compost.