Friday, September 27, 2013

We're doing it backwards, but we're okay with that.

Here's how I thought love and marriage and babies went:

fall in love

get married

buy a house

have babies

You see that "buy a house" thing? We skipped that one. And I'm not quite sure when it's going to happen for us. At first, I was a bit sad that my little ones won't have a backyard to play in and grow up forever and ever in the same house.

But I'm over it.

You see, here's the other option: We don't have any little ones right now. And not having our daughter sounds way worse than not having a backyard.

We didn't do it all backwards. We fell in love and got married before having a baby. Even though we got some of it "right", I know there are people that hear that we are renting and look at our child and think, "poor thing". My parents owned a house before I was born. I never knew what it was like to live in an apartment or a rental, so I actually turned my nose up a bit when it was obvious that David and I wouldn't be buying a house when we got married. But I made excuses.

future dream home

"Well, we can't buy a house right now with David two years away from graduation and we have no idea where we are going to live."

But really, even if we were in an established place all this time, we probably still wouldn't have bought a house. We just aren't in that place. We may be soon, and that would be fantastic. But we aren't quite yet, and that's okay.

Regardless of what some people may think, our home ownership (or lack thereof) is not a reflection of our ability to care for our child, our financial responsibility, or anything else. We pay the bills. Every month. (And usually have money left over for savings.) Our child has ample food and clothing and more toys than she needs and lots and lots of love.

When I think about the last three years, I think of the homes in which we lived. Not the "rentals" or the "apartments", but the homes we'd created. During the time we lived in them, they were filled with love and the laughter of children (and the screams and tears and messes and smells that come along with them as well), and for those periods they are our homes. They hold our memories. Our family. Our happiness.

21 comments:

We did this part 'backwards' as well, and finally bought that house. And, truthfully, it just makes life harder (thus far). Life is a bit more simple in rental living. Now I just have to fall in love again--with a house and a sense of permanence..

My sister REALLY did things backwards: had a baby, then bought a house, then got married. (Not sure when she fell in love, if it was before or after house.)

Oh and I don't think it's always supposed to include buying a house. That's a very suburban thing. Tons of people in cities never end up buying and still have socially "appropriate" lives. I know what you're saying though, and I know how much I hated renting...but owning is tough in the beginning until things settle

Thank you for saying that thing about owning is tough. Our girl is also 20 months old. This blasted house is consuming so much of our attention that I feel like it's coming at great cost to our family life. I hope things settle soon.

Amen! My husband's career path makes it so we'll ve moving a lot/renting for another 5ish years.. and people always ask when we are getting a house since we now have a baby it's not about the house - it's about the home. :)

I've been thinking about this as well. It feels like everyone around us lives in a house and we are still in an apartment. But like you, I've learned that I should be counting the blessings that I do have.

I completely understand :) I was hoping we could start saving for a house after we were married, but due to both of our graduate school loans, that doesn't look like a possibility in the near future. But yes, like the cliche, home is where the heart is.

I needed to hear this! I get so depressed about renting. But I know that it's the right move for us, financially. We're a one-income family so that I can stay home with my toddlers. If we bought a house, I'd likely have to work at my old job, and give up stay-at-home parenting. I'm just not ready to do that yet.

We've been in a similar situation with our student husbands, I think, and most of the time I'm okay with not having an actual house, though I sometimes struggle with the idea of not having an entirely permanent home yet, you know? But, like you say, it's the effort and the sense of building a loving family that make a place home--definitely agree that having a family is much more satisfying than anything material =)

I'm right there with you, Mandi! We've been married 6 years, have 2 kids, and are still renting. We might be renting for another three years or more depending on how my husband's job search goes and what we find wherever we move. I struggle with envy when I see friends who own lovely homes...but this is the life God has given us, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

People started asking us when we got engaged when we were buying a house. We just told them, "We're getting married ... not getting rich." Again when we announced the pregnancy, and we just answered, "We're getting a baby ... not getting rich."

I truly don't mind the renting ... I mind the constant moving. Our baby will be moving into his third home in less than two years next month; it will be the tenth place I have lived. I wouldn't mind being in one place for awhile!

Love this post, Mandi! My parents didn't own a house until my younger sister was born, so I've never seen at as abnormal to have children before a house, even though most people nowadays think it is. People look at me like I have four heads when they ask me if I am done decorating the nursery and I tell them we're in a one bedroom apartment and our baby will sleep in our room! I am happy with how our life is now because I know we're following God's plan, but I sure don't like when people try to make me feel like I'm dumb for being pregnant right now!

Well we bought a house between the first and second baby. Then we lost it to foreclosure and declared bankruptcy between the 2nd and 3rd baby. So really--you're doing much better than us. Trust me. LOL

(Blogger swallowed my last comment--paraphrased version follows)I'm all out of order--I've got the house, but no love, marriage, or baby carriage! Dad's a landlord, and I've seen several families spend the better part of their child-rearing years in apartments. Most are pretty solid families, just with circumstances that don't allow or benefit them to be homeowners. There is the simplicity benefit others have said. We all take different paths to fulfillment; if we marry to guide our spouse and children to God's love, does it matter if it the home it happened in was owned or rented?

Who cares, indeed! We rent, too. And it makes sense, you know--the way we live and raise our kids challenges conventional "wisdom" in so many ways; why shouldn't the four wills we live in do the same? I feel like my parents and my husband's parents (who both bought homes before having kids) focused on providing a great material AND spiritual legacy to their children. Materialism is such a dangerous drug, though, and it's rampant in our world now; I almost feel like, even if we have the money to buy, that I don't want to. What a powerful testimony to the love and grace and joy of Christ if we can live without "all the things" and still be happy. You know?

The joys of home ownership aren't always so joyful. :) I think you're smart to not buy until you're really ready to settle in someplace for a very long time and invest the money that it takes to maintain that home, as well as own it. :)

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