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Thursday, June 26, 2014

We cannot be anything less than the divine source from which we came,
and that source is pure, unabashed love. When we separate from that
boundless energy of love, we begin to feel the discord of that
separation. It may manifest in different ways in our life such as
illness, lack, depression, substance abuse, etc., but it all steams from
one thing—separation from Source. For me it manifested in unhealthy
relationships with men that simply mirrored my lack of self-love.
I can tell you exactly when I stopped loving myself. I was seven
years old. I witnessed my father brutally beating my mother. In the
dark, still hours between midnight and dawn, I heard my mother’s
screams. In a desperate attempt to save herself, she broke free from my
father and ran into my bedroom.

“Call the police, Stephanie.” She cried, before my father snatched her off her feet and carried her into another room.

Then I heard slaps and punches and ugly, profane words delivered by a
man who was so far from the Daddy I knew, so far from the love of the
Source from which he came that the alcohol inside of him ruled his
actions. I could not call the police. I was paralyzed by a fear so
devastating that I lost control of my bodily functions and wet my pajama
pants.

I blamed myself from that day on for not saving my mother. I found
ways to punish myself by attracting other broken souls to mirror my pain
in the form of unhealthy relationships that mimicked the relationship
between my mother and father.

Healing begins with loving the self and banishing blame and shame
The first act of healing began when I stopped blaming myself and
acknowledged that “shame” and “blame” were simply false constructs of my
own making that kept me from embracing the love within me. I often tell
my clients to consider reframing “right” and “wrong” to “broken” and
“whole.” Our wholeness is our connection to Source, and that connection
is established through loving the self. Loving who we are and shaming,
blaming cannot co-exist. When I began to frame my experiences in this
new way, I was able to forgive my father and all that I designated as
negative experiences in my life. I understood the purpose of those
lesson and the way those experiences brought me back to love. Love is
our divine home.

Learning to love my inner child
A deeper healing took place when I began to love the little girl
inside of me who was so afraid and so ashamed. In visualization
exercises that I now use with my clients, the lost sense of love that my
seven-year-old self experienced could be restored.

Loving the self brings us in alignment with our true purpose and in harmony with others
When I began to love myself, I opened to my gifts and my divine
purpose. All that is powerful comes to us when love is the guiding force
in our lives. We can’t help but have peaceful relationships when we
acknowledge the humanity and love within others. They will either match
our love or move away from us.

With each trial we are simply falling forward toward the divine
within us. My childhood experiences and my experiences with men were all
shards of light that created a mosaic life path to walk me home.

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Are you fully present for your life? That may be appear to
be a trick question because so many of us never consider what it means to show up
fully for ourselves. Many of us are living our lives on autopilot. One of my clients,
a successful sales executive and single mother of three children, let’s call
her Lisa, struggled to show up fully for herself. She wanted to go back to
school to complete her undergraduate degree, but found myriad reasons for not
following through with her dreams.

1.Call Forth Your Best
Self

We are multidimensional beings with the sum of our
experiences operating simultaneously inside of us. Do you choose with intention
which aspect of yourself will be the dominant voice in our life? Are you operating
from the hurt little eight-year-old self—the self that didn’t get Mommy’s love
or daddy’s approval? Lisa related to me that she did not have the time or money
to fulfill her dreams. When we explored possibilities, Lisa told me that all
three of her children were in an expensive private elementary school, which
kept her finances tight. She also disclosed that she relied solely on the
limited availability of her mother for childcare. When we explored other
options, Lisa resisted and finally said: “I don’t ever want my children to feel
the way I did growing up. I was never supported.” It didn’t occurred to Lisa
that she was continuing the pattern she learned from her parents by failing to
support herself.

A small part of Lisa did not feel she deserved to be
supported, while another part of her knew she would thrive in her chosen career
once she obtained an undergraduate degree.Our best self is the part of us that knows we are capable,
strong, all knowing, loveable, courageous, intelligent, deserving. It is simply
a choice whether we are self-directed by the most injured part of our being or
the most powerful part of our being.

2.Establishing a Practice

In order to think with intention, we have to develop
positive practices. A meditation practice can train the brain to quiet the
rambling, negative, monkey mind thoughts that keep us stuck. Lisa was plagued
with a loop of guilty thoughts when she didn’t give her children the childhood
that she really desired for herself. I suggested to Lisa that she could give
herself that wonderful, supportive childhood now by finding a way to finance
her dream of earning her degree. The practice of mindfulness, which is simply
being fully present in every moment, helped Lisa to connect to the ordinary
moments in her home with her children. Lisa discovered that her children were
happy, felt loved, and did not need the added luxury of a private, elementary
school education. Journaling helped Lisa to document the joy she received doing
simple activities with her children like riding bikes in the park, which helped
to dissolve her guilt about not being a good enough single mother.

3.Stop Living in the
“But”

Most of us have our eyes trained on the past. We are programmed
to accentuate our failures and wounds.I really want love, but my last
lover betrayed me, or I really want
that job, butI don’t have the right
credentials. A psychologist friend of mine told me she is trained to hone in
on what comes after the but when her
clients speak to her because that’s where they are living. Are you living in
the but? Do you wish for a future of
your dreams by remaining tethered to a past that delivered disappointments? Lisa
discovered that she was living in the but
and wanted out. She is now enrolled in college, placed her children in public
school, and used the money she saved to hire a part-time nanny and fully
finance her education. Lisa is happy, even eager, to invest her money, time,
and best efforts in her most precious asset—herself.

About Me

I am the founder of OneWomanOneVoiceProject.com, a social networking website and positive place on the Internet to connect, grow and thrive.
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