Hi I'm new to this site - I divorced 2 years ago after a double-life marriage and as you can appreciate doubt I will ever quite get over that side of my marriage! It's left me angry, confused and hurt I've 2 boys 17 and 14 and unable to mention the past for obvious reasons their dad remains a lip service, does nothing, see's them 2 hrs a week and only lives half hour away! so zero support - he continues to lie to the kids over the past and my hands are held it seems - i still have MAJOR resentment despite seeing numerous psychologists - i don't have much of a social life due to not being able to go out at all and have my kids 365 days of the year - Jane

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View replies by

Chantal - posted on 11/28/2011

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im going thru a divorce,as i found out my husband was cheatn on me,and my 5 kids,1 of those children is ours the other one is his daughter who chooses to stay with me and the other 3 are my kids.it is hard and u do get ur good days as well as ur bad,i findmy children and my spirituality has helped me thru,my ex dont provide for any of the children,and he was coming to c my son when it suited him so i put a stop to that as i feel my sons to young to b messed around at the moment we are going to attend mediation to see if this will help.his daughter dont want to know him at the minute as she is old enough to decide i wont push her.i do understand ur resentment as i have tyms when i feel like that but its no point as u will make ur self bitter,i keep on telln myself i have my 5 kids and think of the positive things in my life and it helps, i have 4given my ex for what he has done because i believe its all part of the movn on process,i choose to move on happy try to find urself a hobbie or somethn new to ur life i want to join a zumba class i will let u no. when i do it, find somethn that will get u out and meet new people and hopefully u will enjoy it xxx

In life we need to make the choice to learn from our past. We can't change what has happened, only the way we grow and learn. We then choose how the past will affect our future and holding onto resentment isn't healthy.

My first husband was (still is) an alcoholic. He would alway talk before thinking and I lost a lot of friends over it. Whe I left I made the choice of never letting myself be treated like that again.I have since married the most fantastic man and he is the complete opposite of my first husband. I didn't find him until I decided what I wanted though.

The thing is I appreciate him even more because of my first marriage. I know that I am very lucky to have him in my life.

Have you thought of seeing a cousellor? It sounds like you need to find you again and talking to someone can help.

Your children are old enough to look after themselves for a couple of hours. There's no need to not have a social life at all.

Why cant you go out? Your children are more then old enough to watch themselves while mommy once in a while goes out to have a bit of fun.

Im not sure what you mean by double-life marriage, so I cant really help you there.

But i can tell you resentment is a choice. You choose to resent your past instead of letting go. I know it sounds simple, and I know you are thinking it isnt that simple, but it truely is. When you make the choice to move on, you will start to actually heal.