Family Feeding

Mealtimes can be stressful for parents and children if feeding is not going well. As parents we want our children to grow into healthy, happy adults. Creating an enjoyable mealtime experience for you and your family is an important step in supporting your child’s development and growth into adulthood. Whether your child is two or twelve, it is never too late or too early to learn how to serve and enjoy meals in a way that provides the opportunity for variety and growth.
Whether you feel your child eats too much or eats too little I will provide you with the tools and support you need to help your child eat and grow in a way that is right for them. Part of this is learning how to trust in your child’s feeding.

My advice and support is based on Dietitian Ellyn Satter’s Division of Responsibility. The Division of Responsibility is about knowing where the boundaries of eating are:
The parent is responsible for deciding when and where meals are served and the food that is served.

The child is responsible for choosing how much to eat and whether to eat.

Once the food is served, the parent’s responsibility ends and the child takes over for themselves.

I can help you and your family if you have found yourself:

Encouraging your child to eat more

Restricting the amount that your child eats

Bribing your child with dessert

Negotiating how many mouthfuls is enough

Dreading mealtimes

Resigned to serving the same food at every meal

Battling with your child about food.

My Story

When I had my first child, A, I was determined that food would not become a big issue. I knew that children’s tastes change as they grow, and made the conscious choice that there wouldn't be battles over food. By the time A was two years old, there were a lot of foods that he didn't eat but I thought that even if he didn’t like a food now, surely he would grow into liking it. But I wasn't prepared to make different meals to satisfy everyone in the family…

Peanut Butter Sandwiches

With all my good intentions, somehow I ended up serving peanut butter sandwiches for dinner.

How did I get to that point? How does a qualified Dietitian end up serving peanut butter sandwiches to their 2-year-old son at dinner time? The answer is one that will sound familiar to many… because I had given him the easy out. A’s response to ANY food was “I don’t like it” even when he had previously eaten it with gusto. Peanut butter sandwiches were familiar and easy.

My next strategy was also typical in many households of ‘this is dinner if you don’t like it, next meal is breakfast’. So much for not making food a battle huh? A called my bluff and he became accustomed to waiting until breakfast. Food had become a battle of wills and one that no one was winning.

We settled into an uncomfortable compromise where there was usually something A would eat, even if it was only a handful of pasta. He wasn’t made to eat everything on his plate but there was no second helping until he did, which very rarely happened. A experienced a lot of hungry evenings. This continued until A had just turned seven.

Time for change

I was sick of dreading dinner and had enough of watching A feel dread about coming to the table. I was watching him hate food and we were both hating meal times. They weren’t the pleasant family times I had always imagined. My daughter had just turned three and while she ate most things, she was beginning to be more selective in her foods choices. I didn’t want to make the same mistakes twice. Added to all this my husband and I had separated and now the responsibility and food battles were mine alone to deal with and I knew that I didn’t have the stomach to keep enforcing the ‘nothing more’ rule of our current dinners. It was time for some action.

I scoured my textbooks and readings from university. I couldn’t find too much more than the usual: serve a variety of foods, present foods in creative ways and encourage bites. I’d done that; it didn’t serve us. Through my professional networks I began hearing about Dietitian and Therapist Ellyn Satter. Her message was very different.

And it just felt right.

Elllyn Satter’s philosophy is about providing structure and opportunities with food and allowing the child to learn about food and eating by experience.

The parent is responsible for deciding when and where meals are served and the food that is served.

The child is responsible for choosing how much to eat and whether to eat.

The Division of Responsibility sat well with my not wanting to make food a battle but not wanting to pander to my children either.

The Learning

My personal learning began. I read books, I absorbed all the information I could and implemented The Division of Responsibility into feeding my family.

In 2015 I joined Ellyn Satter for her training workshop in Sydney so that I could bring this way of feeding to my clients. I could see that this was a much more parent and child friendly way of feeding. In NZ there is a growing community of dietitians that follow this way of feeding. The Division of Responsibility is more widely used among American and Australian dietitians.

The Outcome

In my family it has made our mealtimes a completely different experience. We talk, we laugh, we eat. I can relax. Once the food is on the table I have done my job. Then the rest is up to the kids.

Neither child eats everything, but then again many of us adults don’t either. As a parent, I am confident that they are eating as much as they need, they are more comfortable trying new things and they feel positive about food and meals. I am confident that they will grow into adults who can manage their own food choices in a way that looks after both their physical and emotional needs.

If you follow Food Habits on Facebook, you’ll see some of our meal time experiences.

Meal times don’t have to be a chore. Book now to start enjoying meal times again.

Eating Well

Working with you to feel the joy and confidence to make food decisions that are right for you.

Read The Blog

Dietetics in the real world.

Recipes

Inspiration for your family meals.

Family Feeding

Helping your family nurture competent eaters.

Contact Us

Meet with Andrea

Testimonials

What has changed most significantly is my acceptance of where I am and what is right for me at this point in time or as you described "normalising my relationship with food". The best part is being free from having to monitor everything and having a focus on what I should be doing/eating. So, would I recommend you to others? Most definitely, yes.
Karen

We have totally altered the volume of food we eat and understand the need to eat when we are hungry rather than when the clock says to eat. What we like is that we can enjoy eating out/entertaining and cope with eating while traveling without feeling that need to stick to an unrealistic plan. Thank you for all your ideas - they will certainly remain with us long term.
Kirsty and Mike

We needed help with our teenage daughter who was increasingly anxious around food. After just a couple of sessions with Andrea we noticed a big difference with our daughter. Andrea's gentle, respectful, calm, non-judgmental approach coupled with her teaching of enjoying food made a huge difference to how our daughter views food. The change is actually quite dramatic and we are very grateful to Andrea for her wisdom and assistance. Maggie

My family have been very entertained at having everything on the table at once. "Can I really eat pudding first!?" Haha. And she never eats it first. :) Being able to help ourselves to what else we need when hungry has been good. And makes for much better conversation as we seem to take longer, take our time and talk. I found it much more relaxing. I can see their bodies tell them what they need and they just go for it. Michelle

Thank you Andrea for your wonderful and practical tutoring while shopping and in the kitchen. I feel more comfortable in the kitchen knowing that what I am doing isn't wrong and that I do have kitchen skills. Our three grown boys gobbled down their dinner with amazement and gratitude. THAT IS A MIRACLE! Thank you for your professional expertise and friendly, comfortable way of being.
Tiriana