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The Perfect Employee for the Job

Another update from the Jungle….

Alana always felt like a misfit, so when she started her own business, she decided to hire people like herself. Alana’s company sells works of art ranging from paintings to furniture. Oddballs seem to be more at home in the world of unique “art”.

Alana’s first hire was Suze, a part-time yoga instructor who also designs furniture. Suze’s stuff sells well enough to make up for her shortcomings as an employee. She refuses to answer the phone when trying a new contortionist stretch exercise. She also hates talking about money to customers.

Trisha wears low-cut, sleeveless shirts to show off her extensive tattoos. Trisha is a painter. She refuses to talk to customers because she believes none of them truly appreciate her artistic vision.

Alana hired Evan and Elsie to actually sell stuff to customers. Compared to Suze and Trisha they seem almost normal. Evan and Elsie grew up next door to each other in a typical American suburb. They had many youthful adventures, most of which are sealed in their juvenile records. Evan and Elsie are living proof that screwing up doesn’t prevent gainful employment if you find a sufficiently gullible employer.

They instantly boosted sales due to their smooth handling of customers. Art wasn’t the only thing they sold at Alana’s shop. Evan and Elsie had a side business growing high quality marijuana. To encourage sales, they invited customers to sample the good in the parking lot behind the shop.

Alana learned of their agricultural adventures when she noticed the parking was full but the store had no customers. She walked to the back of the store, through the storeroom and opened the back door. She almost fainted.

Shrieking like a banshee, she chased off the customers. Then she explained to Evan and Elsie that de-criminalizing marijuana was not the same thing as legalizing it. She threatened
to fire them if they brought their wares to work again. And that’s when Alana began to think that establishing a few employee standards might be a good idea.

What are Alana’s options?

She can fire the misfits and start over with “normal” people.

She can drink an extra glass, or bottle, of wine and accept that she got the employees that she wished for.

She can create a few basic HR policies on what she expects from her employees during their scheduled work hours.

The above scenario demonstrates what can happen when an employer fails to create realistic expectations for employees. A few basic HR policies can solve that problem.

If your company is struggling with HR issues, Corporate Compliance Risk Advisor can help you create HR policies that are appropriate for your company’s size and then serve as a resource to your staff as the policies are implemented.