"That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas

(These are new ones from the Chicago Architecture Foundation Web site.)

You precede every past-tense verb with “had” and think every other verb should be a gerund. “He had been a stock broker and was wanting to live in Streeterville” instead of “He was a stock broker and wanted to live in Streeterville.”

Your girlfriend describes every good thing as “amazing.” There are no other adjectives.

You don’t bother looking up until there are at least three TV news helicopters circling overhead.

If you see two or more military helicopters in the sky, you know traffic is about to be screwed up around The Loop, Hyde Park, or both.

You listen to the news on AM radio even though the exact same program is available on an FM frequency.

You’ve ever been late for work because of a drawbridge.

You vocally refuse to go to chain restaurants, but freely tuck in to Al’s #1 Beef, Giordano’s pizza and Portillo’s hot dogs.

You keep a few bucks in your pocket because even though credit cards have been around for nearly 100 years, none of the eateries on your block take plastic.

It took you a while to realize that “Vote early, vote often” is a joke phrase, and not advice from the Cook County Clerk.

When you see someone on the street arguing with himself, it’s usually crazy, not Bluetooth.

You see a tragic gun massacre elsewhere in the country on the news and think to yourself, “That’s just a warm summer weekend in Chicago.”

You went to the Billy Goat Tavern before Saturday Night Live.

You still think Garfield Goose is the height of sophisticated humor.

You breathed a sigh of relief when Rio got the Olympics.

You’ve convinced yourself that limiting your thick-crust pizza to two toppings makes it a health food.

You mentally heckle the geographical errors that inevitably show up in any movie or TV program set in Chicago.

I've been Boo'd... right off the stage!

Aaahh, I have been defrosted! Thank you, Bonny and Asiel!
Brrrr, I've been Frosted! Thank you, Asiel and Pomtzu!

"That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas

"That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas

"That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas

"That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas

"That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas

A new "nurse" joke ... I have a friend who sends these to me every now and then.

The nurse was in her patient's room one day at the nursing home. He had been in a coma for over a year and they had tried numerous techniques to help him wake up. His family had brought a radio so music could be played for him. The nurse finished caring for the patient and turned on his radio to a pop station. As she left the room a Justin Bieber song was just starting to play. Moments later she heard a loud CRASH in the room and dashed back in. It was the patient! He was wide awake and fumbling for the radio dial, shouting: "Change the channel! Turn this off NOW!"

The nurse fainted.

I've been Boo'd... right off the stage!

Aaahh, I have been defrosted! Thank you, Bonny and Asiel!
Brrrr, I've been Frosted! Thank you, Asiel and Pomtzu!

"That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas

"That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas

"That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas

I saw these on Twitter (#polarvortexsongs) and I can't stop laughing! Apparently this topic was suggested by Jimmy Fallon. You take a song and change the words slightly to make it fit the winter theme. So if you see me walking down the street, giggling helplessly to myself, you'll know I'm thinking about these and trying to stay warm!

A few examples ... Brrr'd lines (Blurred Lines - Robin Thicke)
Negative 867-5309
Can You Feel Your Face Tonight
Don't Go Taking My Scarf
Wake Me Up Before You Snowplow
We Didn't Salt the Sidewalk (We Didn't Start the Fire - Billy Joel)
It's Too Cold for That (No Igloo) [I Can't Go for That / No Can Do - Hall and Oates]
All You Need Is Glove
Hey, I just met you / And this is crazy / My ears are numb now / So thaw me maybe
Baby, It's $*&$ Cold Outside

Edge of Minus Seventeen

I've been Boo'd... right off the stage!

Aaahh, I have been defrosted! Thank you, Bonny and Asiel!
Brrrr, I've been Frosted! Thank you, Asiel and Pomtzu!

"That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas

"That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas

"That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas

"That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas