'The Celebrity Apprentice': 'Are you my Zulu dancing man?' recap

The Celebrity Apprentice sent home Stephen last week, but that's not the result that Lisa was hoping for. She's ever so disappointed when Gary's the one to saunter back to the suite, and she doesn't do a particularly good job of hiding it, either (at least, there are lots of sighs and eye-rolls behind his back.) She only has Penn and Gary left on her team now, so Lisa is not too excited.

But what is the task? Well, Bret's back to help Donald judge this week, as is Trump's co-worker George. But the teams soon discover they'll have to promote South Africa with an interactive expo - they'll have to showcase five different experiences, and will be judged on creativity, feedback from travel professionals, and the overall presentation. Penn steps up as project manager for Plan B (even though he's never been to South Africa, and the others have), while Brande's chosen for Power. The only thing left is to choose between Adventure and Romance packages - both want Adventure (Brande yells it out first after being prompted by a determined Lil Jon). After a coin toss, Adventure goes to Power! With $20,000 for charity on the line, let's see what happens...

Power's initial excitement about landing the Adventure package fades when they discover that they won't be allowed to mention safari ("It's like a farmer who's got six daughters - one of them's really hot and five are ugly," Trace explains. "You just wanna see the hot one, but he won't let you.") Instead, they have to focus on surfing, zip lining, shark cage diving, glamping and golfing. Brande's already getting nervous...

The nerves continue as Power struggle to figure out how exactly to represent those experiences. Lil Jon comes up with the idea of serving South African tea to everybody, and Brande's backing him up quickly (she explains she feels loyal to him since they're the final two original Power members.) But things slow down again when the team have to come up with a slogan - they eventually plump for Trace's: "You plus South Africa equals adventure", which even Marilu describes as "B+". Trace himself is pretty down on the whole thing, suggesting Brande's a little scattered and sighing about polishing turds. But Marilu does at least come up with a great idea for a handout based on the South African flag.

Still, everyone's struggling with how best to showcase their five experiences. Trace comes up with a great idea to get a South African golfer involved... but there aren't any in the country. Oh well. With Brande getting more and more stressed, and fewer and fewer ideas coming, Lil Jon eventually suggests getting someone to dress up in a shark costume. Which sounds... okay. And then he suggests for ziplining, that they could push people across the room in a chair. Which sounds... awful. Awful. Like something 7-year-olds would come up with. Trace agrees with me, apparently, calling the whole thing "juvenile" and "silly". "This is baaaaaad," he murmurs in his Trace way.

When Bret comes to visit, Brande's having a printing crisis, but she finds time to show Bret around. She can't be too convincing, though, because he suggests she's "discombobulated". Hmm. Anyway, Brande sends Trace and Lil Jon off to pick up props (Trace is very proud to show off "how men shop" - in other words, quickly), but they think she's too focused on the little things. Still, Brande's actually feeling pretty good when they start setting up for their presentation. Jon thinks the man in the shark suit is going to be "hilarious" (um) but only voice-of-reason Trace is sighing that he doesn't know if their presentation will be amazing or just downright awful.

Finally it's time for the big event, and to be fair the execs do seem impressed by some aspects, like the tea, the handout and Trace's enthusiasm about golf. And they're very polite about having fun with the ziplining ("it's quite exciting", one manages.) Even George straps himself in for a "great ride" (Marilu's words), and pretends that this is a suitable business idea. At the end, it seems that everyone knows they've done something pretty shoddy because they talk about how they don't know if they've won but they do know they've given people an experience they'll remember. At this point, it kind of feels like they're hoping Plan B has done worse...

Plan B are dealing with romance, and their five areas are wine, art, food, dance and spa (already, this seems easier than adventure.) Also, there's fun with the idea of "bush massages", though I couldn't tell you what's so funny about that phrase (ahem). Anyway, Plan B might seem to have an easier task, but they also have Gary, who regales the South African execs with tales of hearing people being murdered from his Johannesburg hotel room. I mean, this could not be more awkward. Lisa and Penn are absolutely horrified, which to be fair is amazing television.

Anyway, while Gary is singing about romance in confessionals, everyone else is trying to come up with a slogan. Gary actually goes on about a phrase which has the letters of romance spelling something out, but Penn dismisses it ("Penn doesn't know the depth of my power and artisticness and creativeness and ideas with no sign of fear or doubt," Gary complains. "That little burp you heard there - that was excitement.) Anyway, they finally settle on: "An exotic world of romance under African skies", or something, which is kind of unwieldy but okay.

Plan B also come up with the idea of serving stuff to their guests, but they go for liquor instead of tea (much better, surely.) Except Gary flat out refuses to call businesses to buy the liquor, or call the props store either, getting Penn and Lisa a little riled up. When Gary does call, it all gets very stressful indeed as the team start getting a bit riled up (Penn is grumbling that he basically has a two-person team.) With Penn annoyed by Gary's (lack of) contribution he essentially takes over, swiftly booking a famous South African chef, Zulu dancers and the drummers from Paul Simon's Graceland album. Lisa is basically in raptures.

When George comes to visit, he seems pretty impressed - but Gary can't help but regale him with the murder story again (so, so awkward.) Then he starts dancing around with bananas. And throwing chicken bones around. (To be fair, I'm sure this show is very cleverly edited, but still. I kind of get Penn and Lisa's frustration.) In fact, Penn and Lisa actually end up having a bit of laughter release - Lisa runs around with a shirt on her head, and Penn talks about what it would be like to French kiss Gary. I know this is coming from a place of despair but to be honest it's pretty entertaining.

Finally, it's time for the presentation, and even with Gary's presence Plan B's instantly looks better and seems more impressive than Power's. They have food, drummers and dance (and even Bret Michaels has a bit of a boogie!) "Our little shindig here is almost as good as going to South Africa," Penn says confidently. Mind you, Gary does spend a lot of the presentation talking to a guest about being a South African virgin. When she says she's been to the country and isn't a virgin, he replies: "I'm not talking about South Africa. I'm talking about the ooooh, sense of romance." The guest is ever so polite but you can kind of see her backing away in her mind. Despite that, the execs seem impressed - one thanks Penn for showing off South Africa like this. Will that be enough for them to win?

Starting with Power, Brande says she thinks they did an excellent job and praises her team (though she only says that she hopes they won, rather than that she knows they did.) Trace sows the first seeds of doubt, though, by describing the task as "challenging" and "tougher than anticipated". After a bit of golf chat between Donald and Trace (because we all care about Trace's handicap), it's Jon's turn to say that he "hopes" the team won. He also praises Brande as a leader, though points out that she can be a bit of a worrier. "Is she a leader or just a stressed out bitch?" Donald asks, charmingly, claiming he's joking. Hmm.

Anyway, let's move on - Bret wants to know if Brande focused too much on the little details, but she defends herself by suggesting that the little things are the important ones (like the handout, the tea and so on.) Donald wants to know about the handout, actually, so Brande explains that she was keen to have one - she's about to say Marilu designed it, but Marilu can't wait to jump in and take credit (rightly, because she did it, but she's so desperate to prove it!)

Time for Plan B to have their say, and Penn thinks he represented South Africa well. Lisa praises her project manager, too, but Donald wants to know about managing Gary, which Penn says you can't really do. When Donald asks Lisa what she thought about Gary, her silence speaks volumes. "I think Gary did well," she says, hesitantly. Still, Gary doesn't seem to notice that she and Penn aren't exactly praising him and launches into a monologue about South Africa and romance, which makes Donald suggest he should be a poet. "You don't have to say anymore," Donald adds, somewhat pleadingly. But it's not all good news for Gary, as Penn admits that he didn't do everything he was asked.

Despite that, Gary praises his project manager and would launch into another spiel if it weren't for Donald stopping him quickly. But let's get on to the verdict, though there can only be one proper winner. For Plan B, the positives - the execs felt transported to South Africa, the presentation appealed to all five senses and there was an authenticity and legitimacy to it. But the negatives - it didn't offer any specific location or travel information and didn't really mkae you want to go to South Africa (yeah, sounds like they were reaching for negatives.)

As for Power, Bret explains that the execs loved that the team went above and beyond the big five they were asked to promote, liked the tea and wine, and were impressed with the handout. But while they liked Power's spirit and enthusiasm, they didn't think it was unique - and they actually described it as "juvenile". Awkward! Yeah, it's no real surprise but Power lost this one. I know, you don't say.

Who's Going Home?

So, who'll be the one to go home? Trace is first to be interrogated by Donald, and admits that it took Brande a while to get focused and motivated - which Marilu agrees with (though she insists Brande is a leader.) But Lil Jon gets himself in trouble when he suggests that romance was the easier package - Donald, remembering that Lil Jon fought for adventure before the task began, is like a dog with a bone and won't let this one go.

But Brande - still feeling 'loyalty' towards Lil Jon - decides to save him from the Boardroom (I get that this is a nice thing to do, but since Jon was also responsible for the shark costume and kind of the chair-ziplining fiasco, he should have been brought back - even though I like him.) Even when Donald asks if she wants to change her mind, she doesn't budge. To be fair, when she's waiting outside it seems pretty clear that Brande knows she's going home now, as she sighs that she didn't raise any money for her charity.

We could go through what happens when Trace, Marilu and Brande return, but it's so obvious that Brande is the one going home. So there's some talk about the slogan and the "juvenile" nature of their expo and why Brande didn't bring Lil Jon back and how great Marilu's handout was, but we all know Brande is going to be fired and sure enough that's what happens. But I have to give props to Trace, who urges Donald to give Brande's charity some money - and put on the spot, he has to, offering $20,000. So that's nice.

When she leaves, Brande basically just thanks Donald for giving her charity some money, and that's kind of it (it's nothing compared to Stephen's amazing exit interview last week.) But who'll be the next celebrity apprentice to be waving goodbye and packing their bags?