A blog about another side of me. The softer side of me, the part i let show to the people i trust. I have a surface covering of hardness, it is just a front so people do not take me for granted or take advantage of me!

Monday, July 6, 2009

Christian can lie...

I wanted to change it to Christians lie too but its really bad, i hate it when i see peoples humanity up close

Someone i respect told lies today and these are the things i scribbled while my spiritual leader was talking to me.

“it is disgusting when people you respect tell lies because then you lose respect for them. Lord please, help me because i need your help to fall in line with your word in spite of men’s weaknesses, their crazy ego. I keep seeing weaknesses left, right and centre and it is driving me crazy”.

I also asked...

“In bible times, both Abraham and Jesus time, did men after they have made fools of themselves tell lies to get out of sticky situations?”

The part of me that was angry just kept saying, “If he has guts, let him call my name”.

Let me be honest with myself, did i trip for him? Yes, after he had made a fool of himself numerous times. He tripped die. Just like what happened when i was in college, it just makes me lose respect for Christian men. Do i still love him? Yes, do i think we will end up together? No, he’s a coward, at least he is not a pastor so i can talk about him exactly the way i feel and not be walking against spiritual authority. For my spiritual leader, i was not hurt because he is used to hurting people and getting away with it so i just asked Holy Spirit to go after him so i can stay protected.As for N.j, if he went and lied to everyone that i am telling everyone that he was interested in him, God will judge him mightily; he does not have the money or the character to hold me (i have worked through the anger now but in my mind, i called him idiot coward, if they think they can get me to break down, they would just have to try harder than that, devils free workers! Lol, i really think so because they are always in the flesh and the amazing thing is that God still speaks through them, it is frustrating). People will not believe him truly, they will just pretend to and that is the hypocrisy about Christians i hate.

To get out of this rut, recognizing that i am working on a bigger project than just this flimsy life here, working in ministry is something i think God wants me to do, at least until i hear something different. God’s divine energy is at work in me and that is what i have to focus on and not the trivialities of human nature.

Human nature baffles me, my spiritual leader tried to get me to say that God is not moved by worship, i am not in agreement because i refuse to live on my righteousness i would rather depend on the righteousness that is a gift that ensures that i am able to have righteous living and not depend on my self-righteousness. In my mind, i dredged up all his faults and the reason why he left his former church then i realized i was being a judge, what i hated and so i stopped. I am satisfied that i am saved by grace and not by my power and my might and that i know the love of God that passes understanding.

Guess what? I am tired of Christians lying but i am to work out my salvation with fear and trembling and not compare myself with the life of others. I need to focus on righteousness consciousness, as i am writing, i am relieving tension and focusing on why God brought me here. I refuse to be distracted, this is just probably another way to distract me and put me in the flesh so i would be focusing on works of the flesh instead of in the goodness of God, i live above the circumstances of life. Greater is He that lives in me than he that lives in the world. Distractions are easier to recognize.