8:00 am: cry a little bit because I don’t feel anxious at all. Not one damn bit.

This is incredible. And weird. I was so expecting to have a panic attack this morning, and when I woke up feeling anxious I was like Ok, so that’s probably going to happen. I can totally handle this. Bring it. When I realized that I wasn’t feeling anxious, I raised my hand (my signal to the dude that I want to talk to him when he’s got headphones on), and was like “I would just like to report that I don’t feel anxious at all. I’m so happy. I’m crying a little bit because I’m so happy.”

I feel so liberated. And normal. I never thought that a) I would ever feel normal while traveling again and b) it would feel like such a relief to feel normal.

It has taken me so long and so much work to get to this point. And I know that staying here is up to me: I am the one who has to continue exercising and being mindful of my lifestyle. I’m the one who has to keep acknowledging anxiety and making room for it in my life. I can totally do that. It’s just so nice to know that it works.