Your essay assignment

For your main term project this year, you must submit one essay, between 1500 and 2500 words in length. You may pick any of the following topics. Extra credit will be given for busting a gut or writing in blood.

Metaphor in the works of Joss Whedon.
Discuss the metaphysical concepts inherent in Joss Whedon's theatrical work. A starting point might be to consider the character Angel, who is an angel to the character Buffy in his text Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Additionally: why are the toys in his seminal work Toy Story more real than the people? Is the slinky dog an extended metaphor for the downwards spiral of life?

The poetry of Frank Sinatra.
"I find it all so amusing / to think I did all that / and may I say not in a shy way / Oh no, oh no not me / I did it my way." Explain the complex lyrical patterns apparent throughout his body of work. Do they impart sincerity into his music? Why?

The War Against Terrorism is terrific!
Outline reasons why the fight against international terrorism is neat-o, paying particular attention to its awesomeness and humungous aspects.

An overview of the relationship between Tim Robbins and the ground.
It has been argued that the actor Tim Robbins has a particular hold over physical reality. When committed to film, he appears to be a man of below average height; however, when observed in person, he is 6 feet and 5 inches tall. How is this effect achieved? If one were to observe him on film and in person at the same time, how tall would he be?

The heat between me and you.
How can you just leave me standing, alone in a world that's so cold? Pay particular attention to the question of whether I'm just like my father: too bold, or whether I'm just like my mother, who's never satisfied. Why do we scream at each other? Is this what it sounds like when doves cry? Extra credit will be given for touching my stomach in order to determine how it trembles inside. Do not attempt to tie up all the butterflies.

The benefits of a vegetarian diet.
A vegetarian diet is apparently healthier, and uses less resources. But if everyone became vegetarian, what would happen to the cows? Poor moo cows. Moo. Moo.

Global politics.
What would be the social and economic effect, on a global scale, of a giant axe-wielding cyborg with corpses for arms and chainsaws for legs invading Norway and eating all the people? If you wish, you may replace the chainsaws with giant electrified battering rams.