At the ripe old age of 24 (or 114 in human years), Poppy, a small but venerable tortoiseshell cat from Bournemouth in the U.K., has just been crowned the oldest cat in the world by Guinness World Records. She was born in February 1990.

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Poppy’s age in cat years puts her 2 years behind Misao Okawa, the world’s oldest person. Poppy’s owner Marguerite West, who adopted her at age 5 from another owner, said, “She’s deaf and blind and meows for everything. We call her stroppy Poppy sometimes. She can get up the stairs but we won’t let her walk down.”

Marguerite attributed Poppy’s exceptional longevity to diet and exercise: “I guess she has a good diet and lots of exercise. She keeps herself fit by walking around and she eats a lot. She’s never been a big cat though. She is partial to the odd takeaway. We sometimes give her a bit of KFC chicken, fish and chips and even the odd bit of kebab meat.”

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There is a beast with heart of cold stone
that dashes like lightning, shreds flesh from bone. //
Bewitched by this beast, I fell to my knees.
My mouth babbled madness and mumbled soft pleas. //
I stared down the ravenous, gnashing dark maw of a cute cuddly kitten with yarn in its paw