Monday, May 31, 2010

Here's an old classic for you. There was this one time when I was newly pregnant. Newly as in, 'not very far along,' as well as in, 'never been pregnant before.' I was still fitting into my regular clothes, but not so much comfortably. So when we got home from a long day at church I went ahead and unzipped the zipper on the side of my skirt and sat down on the couch for some nice Sunday chillaxin'.

You know how I always forget appointments and stuff, so you won't be surprised when I tell you I forgot our home teachers were coming by for a visit until they knocked on the door. Not a big deal. I mean, I can chit chat like it's none of your business, so I really didn't mind having some short term visitors. As long as they didn't stay so long that I'd miss snack time and stuff. You gotta keep on top of that sort of thing in the first trimester, you know. Anyway, we didn't know them very well, so it was KIND OF embarrassing when I stood to greet them and my skirt fell straight to the floor.

Yeah, it happened.

Naturally, my fondest desire and greatest wish at that moment was for everyone to start laughing hysterically and think to themselves that was the best thing that happened all day. Because it was so funny.

Instead, both of them turned so quickly that how did they not get whiplash? "Uhhh...umm...oh!...wow...your fish have gotten...bigger...haven't they," they stammered.

Really? That's how you're gonna play it, brethren? The fish?! Are bigger?! Okay, so maybe we had piranhas. And maybe they were growing exponentially bigger by the day. But, srsly. That's the best you can do?

Regrettably, and as I've experienced time and time again, instead of having a great laugh and some impromptu bonding time, we all four sat in awkward desperation for half an hour, each on our own side of the big old elephant in the room. Looking at each other through the legs, around the trunk, under the tail. Big, stinky elephant. All the while, our pleasant conversational faces glued on like the wrapper on a Kraft slice.

Situations like that exhaust me. Freals.

Well, I think the time has come to redeem that unfortunate event and celebrate it as the top notch EM story it was always meant to be.

So raise your glasses high! Here's to the Great Skirt Dive of '89! Cheers!