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The Ultimate Roast Potatoes

It’s time to be bad. Roast potatoes: the ultimate way to gain the respect and adoration of those around you, through the power of the golden crunchy outer, and juicy soft inner. Overdo it and you could find yourself with so much crunch you chip a tooth. Too soft and you might as well be sucking on a soggy old titty. You have to get it right. These cheeky devils can’t be passed off as a health-food, so let’s do this properly and really focus, and make this treat worth it. Give these god damn potatoes the respect they deserve.

Ingredients:

– golden delight potatoes (as many as you want)

– lots of good quality olive oil

– salt to season

Roast those puppies like a champion:

– your oven needs to get cranking to 210C

– peel those dirty little potatoes, and cut them into large chunks. Even if they look at you funny, don’t be tempted to overdo the cutting, or they will be excessively crisp. It’s not worth it

– place them in a saucepan, cover them with water and a little salt and get those buggars boiling. Boil them for 20-30 minutes. You want them soft, but not falling apart like Carrie Bradshaw when Mr Big dumped her for the millionth time

– dig out your baking tray and add the olive oil into it. You want the base of the tray covered with oil like some sort of bikini-clad wrestler. Put this in the oven for 5 minutes to heat up

– when the potatoes are soft, drain them. Now, here is the important part: return the potatoes to the saucepan, over a low heat and let them dry off for a minute. This is what will make them really crisp up. Give the saucepan a gentle shake, to rough their surface up ever so slightly

– remove the baking tray from the oven, and place the potatoes into the hot oil, turning them over so they are each coated in that sensual grease. They love it.

– bang into the oven for 35 minutes. Then pull it out and turn the potatoes, and then return them from whence they came for another 25 minutes or so. Keep checking them. They cannot be trusted. They will make an arsehole out of you if you let them.

– when they have a gorgeous, golden hue, take them out of the oven. Season them lightly with a good salt. In fact, drop a load of salt on those bad boys like a friggin’ dump-truck.

– no sane, good human can resist an amazing roast potato. So if they do, be highly suspicious and consider maiming them for the good of our species

Happy roasting, friends. Enjoy the naughtiness – the dark side is pretty good every now and then,

If you can find organic potatoes over the normal ones buy them. It’s one of those foods that’s on the dirty dozen list, and that’s not the good kind of dirty haha!! In America, the chemical shitstorm on potatoes is fucking crazy. I’m not sure if it’s as bad here, but most supermarkets sell organic potatoes. Potatoes always taste better the more times you cook them – boil, bake and then in a fry up the following day with the leftovers. Always my favourite way to eat potatoes, unless they’re deep-fried and covered in gravy. My total weakness.

The best!! Thanks!! I’m a winner winner fish and chips dinner tonight!
Just wondering, what is the difference in different salts? I see recipes calling for ancient Himalayan pink Peruvian salt. Much of a differene or just adds fancyness?

G’day! The fancy salts contain more minerals (like iodine, potassium, magnesium, zinc etc) and can have varying flavour intensities.
Regular ‘table salt’ is very processed, usually contains no trace minerals and has additives (like anti-caking agents).
I don’t go super fancy-pants on this shit. I just get a sea salt from the supermarket.

Oh sweet Jesus, I made these tasty little babies this eve! Best response from husband EVER, ACTUAL QUOTE ‘these potatoes are so fucking good I actually want to fuck them.’ That’s fucking weird and actually somewhat offensive, as his wife I’d like to think he’d rather fuck me…But whatevs… I also made enough to feed the six of us but they weren’t ready in time for the children (mwahaha) and my husband and I ate them all. Seriously like ALL.

I’ve never been able to make crispy roast taters but I tried this last night. Whilst they almost did make an arsehole out of me and they were a tad overdone, they were the best fucking roast taters I’ve ever managed to date!