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So I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now. We are 8 years apart in age (I'm about to be 21) and are both really affectionate and work really well together. The problem is I know I'm very sexually oriented and he is not so much. We have sex 1-3 times a week, according to him closer to 3-4, me closer 1-2, because I keep track a little better than him. He has a bad habit of teasing me whether he knows it or not. I normally bring it to his attention because I become sexually frustrated and want more. He claims to just be playing & that I should know better. An example is like this morning. We both were nude on the couch & he crawls between my legs as I lay and starts humping me & grabbing my breasts. When I try for more, he says I should know that he was just playing. It's just so frustrating I don't know what to do, & when I bring it to his attention he feels less of a man because he can't fulfill my desires. He says its not me or that I'm not the same when I got with him. I'm currently 5'3" at 125lbs, so I know that, but it hurts my self-esteem when he rejects me all the time. I've tried lingerie, outfits, fantasies, & the works, but nothing helps... What should I do? And leaving him is not the answer.

Thanks for your Reply!

5 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:I want sex more than my boyfriend....So I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now. We are 8 years apart in age (I'm about to be 21) and are both really affectionate and work really well together. The problem is I know I'm very sexually oriented and he is not so much. We have sex 1-3 times a week, according to him closer to 3-4, me closer 1-2, because I keep track a little better than him. He has a bad habit of teasing me whether he knows it or not. I normally bring it to his attention because I become sexually frustrated and want more. He claims to just be playing & that I should know better. An example is like this morning. We both were nude on the couch & he crawls between my legs as I lay and starts humping me & grabbing my breasts. When I try for more, he says I should know that he was just playing. It's just so frustrating I don't know what to do, & when I bring it to his attention he feels less of a man because he can't fulfill my desires. He says its not me or that I'm not the same when I got with him. I'm currently 5'3" at 125lbs, so I know that, but it hurts my self-esteem when he rejects me all the time. I've tried lingerie, outfits, fantasies, & the works, but nothing helps... What should I do? And leaving him is not the answer.

As with many women, you automatically assume that his need for sexual contact being lower than yours must mean he does not find you attractive; this has more to do with your lack of sex esteem than the real reason...he does not require sexual contact as often as you do. You also appear to assume that all men must some kind of "horn dogs" panting over sex 23/7.

Your boyfriend sees all this play as affection and perhaps it's the physical contact with you that is important to him. You assume this physical contact must end up in sex.

It's often been said that the person with the lower sex drive controls the relationship. Either accept this or move on.

As with many women, you automatically assume that his need for sexual contact being lower than yours must mean he does not find you attractive; this has more to do with your lack of sex esteem than the real reason...he does not require sexual contact as often as you do. You also appear to assume that all men must some kind of "horn dogs" panting over sex 23/7.

Your boyfriend sees all this play as affection and perhaps it's the physical contact with you that is important to him. You assume this physical contact must end up in sex.

It's often been said that the person with the lower sex drive controls the relationship. Either accept this or move on.

So true. My wife controls when and how much sex we have as she is the one with the much lower sex drive.

I want it almost 24/7 and I'm getting sex once a month. Don't think our partners realize how frustrating it can be. Lying next to someone horny as hell really can get to you !!

I'd be extremely upset if I was in the OP's situation of often being touched/teased sexually and being told by my wife she was just playing.In that situation I'd ask her to finish me off with her hand. I don't think that would be unreasonable.

Unfortunately masturbation/sex toys is the only outlet in a situation where there are mis-matched sex drives.Masturbation keeps me sane. <sigh>

I want it almost 24/7 and I'm getting sex once a month. Don't think our partners realize how frustrating it can be. Lying next to someone horny as hell really can get to you !!

I'd be extremely upset if I was in the OP's situation of often being touched/teased sexually and being told by my wife she was just playing.In that situation I'd ask her to finish me off with her hand. I don't think that would be unreasonable.

Unfortunately masturbation/sex toys is the only outlet in a situation where there are mis-matched sex drives.Masturbation keeps me sane. <sigh>

I understand the frustration also. I have thought of sex toys, as masturbation would not work for me, but I do not know how to approach this with my husband. If you are able to approach your boyfriend regarding sex toys, then I would go that route.

I just got my sex drive back when I switched medications & I do not want to lose it. I think it is what it would have been if I did not need the medications so I want to be myself as much as possible.

Good luck with the situation and I hope it works out.

Thanks for your Reply!

Report This| Share this:I want sex more than my boyfriend....I understand the frustration also. I have thought of sex toys, as masturbation would not work for me, but I do not know how to approach this with my husband. If you are able to approach your boyfriend regarding sex toys, then I would go that route.

I just got my sex drive back when I switched medications & I do not want to lose it. I think it is what it would have been if I did not need the medications so I want to be myself as much as possible.

Oh my gosh, reading this I thought I posted it! Haha. This sounds exactly like me (20) and my fianc? (32). Honestly it always comes down to he is older and doesn't have a sex drive. He'll still have sex with me consistently, but sometimes it's more like a route, but sometimes it's not. He teases me all the time as well. So when I try to jump his bones he'll push me away and tell me to calm down, and get frustrated. Saying I get too worked up over everything. But what do you expect when you make passes towards someone as young as us? I think men forget how they were when they were our age! The rejection did boil over at one point, and I stopped responding to his teasing, or when he would initiate sex, till we both were able to talk about it.
I don't think we have sex more than we use to, but I think we gained a better understanding for each other, and that helped. I know he is older and doesn't care for sex right now, so I try to keep my hormones in check. I really stopped iniciating sex all together, cause that seemed to be pushing him away.

Thanks for your Reply!

Report This| Share this:I want sex more than my boyfriend....Oh my gosh, reading this I thought I posted it! Haha. This sounds exactly like me (20) and my fianc? (32). Honestly it always comes down to he is older and doesn't have a sex drive. He'll still have sex with me consistently, but sometimes it's more like a route, but sometimes it's not. He teases me all the time as well. So when I try to jump his bones he'll push me away and tell me to calm down, and get frustrated. Saying I get too worked up over everything. But what do you expect when you make passes towards someone as young as us? I think men forget how they were when they were our age! The rejection did boil over at one point, and I stopped responding to his teasing, or when he would initiate sex, till we both were able to talk about it.
I don't think we have sex more than we use to, but I think we gained a better understanding for each other, and that helped. I know he is older and doesn't care for sex right now, so I try to keep my hormones in check. I really stopped iniciating sex all together, cause that seemed to be pushing him away.

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