The ONE Thing That Will Definitely Scupper Your New Year’s Resolutions

How are you doing so far? If you’re like me, you’ll have written a list of New Year’s resolutions that is about the same length and complexity as the Dead Sea Scrolls. Heck, short of wearing a hair shirt this year, you will be perfect dammit!

Days will be filled with endless random acts of kindness. You are going to be soooo good, every time a butterfly flaps its wings, the lakes of positive karma you are generating are going to make a yak smile in Nepal.

Except. Except….

I can guarantee that there will be a flaw in your cunning plan to be nicer than Mary Berry whilst combining the intellectual vivacity of a young Germaine Greer with the mysterious allure of Claudia Winkelman’s fringe.

If you are not doing it for YOU – you’re on a high road to nowhere.

Yes, if you have added a resolution to your list to make someone else happy at the cost of your own bank balance, peace of mind and happiness, it’s all going to go pear-shaped pretty early on.

How many of us join gyms because our partners helpfully ‘suggest’ we’d look better if we lost a few pounds?

How many of us decide to read mind-numbing pseudo-scientific tomes and dreary best-sellers in an effort to make ourselves more interesting.

It’s about as sensible as learning all the 64 words for ‘the’ in Russian language when the nearest you’ll get to Moscow is a bottle of vodka.

There are, indisputably, resolutions we should undertake for the benefit of our health – drinking less, eating better, exercising more, but if we are doing any of these to seek someone else’s approval, now is not the time.

I think our motivation to make serious, long-lasting changes can take a real knock if we fail with our resolution at the first hurdle. Better to wait until we are ready – at a time not dictated by the turn of the year, the addition of another digit to the man-made records of time. Man-made – there’s the rub, to quote Shakespeare. Is anyone keeping a track of the change of years in the rest of our galaxy (apart from astronomers)? No? Exactly.

You know, if you find yourself designing your life with the sole intention of pleasing others, the best New Year’s Resolution you could make, if you can’t quite kick the habit, is to please yourself.

If we are happy in ourselves, don’t you find that a lot of petty problems fall away? We don’t worry about the extra pounds, our weird laugh, our inability to read a wine-list or, in Ieuan’s case, a habit of adding strawberry jam to his chicken goujons.

We can learn a lot from our kids. They embrace the moment and are glorious in their individuality – right up until a helpful adult suggests a few ‘changes’ they might like to make. You can see where it all starts, can’t you?

So, this New Year’s Day, I hope you’ll junk the resolution list and instead write a list of things to do just for you.

I try and set realistic goals (or a single goal:) that make me feel a sense of achievement by the end of the year or at any time during the year. The biggest one I have for this year I moving to France. But I do agree with you, junk the list:)

I’ve decided not to make a list of resolutions this year, it feels like before the ink is even dry I’ve failed them all and then feel bad about it. Instead I’d like to focus on my fitness and health as I’m not 100% loving myself right now but I don’t have a specific goal in mind at the moment as it’s all so early on

I usually say I’m going to stop shopping and eating chocolate. But I’m no quitter, dammit! This year I’ve vowed to stop being a shouty mum. It’s a nasty little habit I’ve developed over the last couple of years, and I can’t bear to hear myself yelling anymore. I’m doing well so far. I’ve only raised my voice to my youngest slightly. And we’ve all laughed more than usual. I don’t expect it to be this easy for long, but I’m prepared to put in the effort for myself.

I’m really not one for new years resolutions. I don’t really see why we need a new year to take active steps in improving our lives? Why not take small steps every day? It seems far more sensible to me!

I’ve usually set mental goals in the past but I’m writing them down this year for better visibility. I’ll be looking after 2 under 2 so need to get the routine machine going otherwise I’ll flap more than I currently do haha. I agree that goals should have a motivation and what better one than to make yourself happy!

You are completely right, if we are just setting goals to please someone else then 9 times out of 10 things will not go to plan and your goals will go down the drain. Better to do something for yourself and because you want to.

I made some resolutions this year but they were all about me…my biggest two are to laugh more and to be kind. I totally understand where you’re coming from with this article though. If you’re not doing these things for yourself, ultimately you don’t have an investment in them working out.

I don’t really do new years resolutions I’ve found I don’t keep them, I’m more likely to stick to something at another time of year when I know the time is right, rather than just because a year is ticking over to another.

Yes! I have no goals that are not abut finding personal joy. I give up trying to make my mother in law think I am a good wife and mother. After 30 years, finally, I am letting her opinion not matter at all.

LOVE THIS! There are lots of thing i’d love… to be thinner, to stop biting my nails, blah, blah, blah. BUT i know that those have been resolutions for the past god knows how many years and haven’t happened yet! This year my resolutions are more career focused, achievable things that i’m doing for ME and my life! x