In the worst military overreaction since the Faber College ROTC pledge pin incident of 1962, the Tennessee National Guard's adjutant general announced Wednesday that everyone involved in a recent viral video of a kooky reenlistment ceremony would have their careers wrecked, because that's how you honor our military traditions, dammit.

A 71-year-old white woman has been arrested for assaulting two uniformed Army Reserve captains — one of them pregnant — in a Macon, Ga., Cheddars after she and her large son taunted the officers as "black lesbian bitches" over a parking-space dispute — an incident that one disturbed restaurant patron captured in a now-viral video.