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Zombies Zombies Zombies (2008)

17th Nov 08

Plot
Three strippers fight off a gang of undead prostitutes. Brilliant, eh?

Review
It seems to me that zombie movies with strippers in them are like buses; after waiting for ages for one two suddenly turn up at once. Zombie Strippers, starring porn queen Jenna Jameson, is next on my watch list so you'll be getting to read about that any day now. In the mean time we have Zombies Zombies Zombies, also known as Zombies Vs Strippers which I gather is a little more low budget and a little bit more ridiculous than the Jameson vehicle, but is probably no worse off for it.

The threadbare plot was probably written on to the back of a cigarette packet at an early meeting of producers in a sleazy downtown L.A. diner. It starts with this fat junkie going to see his source, a scientist called Dr. Stewart, who happens to be working on a serum that reanimates dead tissue. He buys a load of pills off the guy and then I'm not quite sure why but he steals some of the serum too, figuring I guess that if it can reanimate dead tissue it'll make him really high if he smokes it. Junkies, eh? Anywho, he promptly heads over to this strip joint, picks up one of the hookers outside and smokes the serum in his car with her while they get down to business. The result does indeed get them high, so high in fact that the hooker steals what stash he has left and smokes it with her other prostitute friends soon after.

Meanwhile at the strip club the hookers hang out outside, it's first night for the new cute pigtailed girl named Harley, and despite trying to pick up tips from star attraction Dallas (okay, it's just an excuse to pad out the running time with some much needed nudity) she falls flat during her first pole dance. So the other girls and the bouncer (he's one of the best characters actually) take Harley to the diner across the street after the club closes. The only thing is, that's where the prostitutes that have smoked the serum are hanging out too, and after a mildly amusing prostitutes versus strippers slagging match, the prostitutes take very ill all of a sudden and then immediately all turn in to zombies. Cue a mad dash back to the strip bar followed by the zombie siege youíve all been looking for. Well, kinda.

Hats of to Zombies Zombies Zombies, despite being cheap and looking cheaper, itís one of those rare movies that knows full well how cheap it is and revels in its own cheapness. The acting is bad, the plot ridiculous and, well, itís all very tasteless and, well, crap. But God damn it if it isnít mesmerizing viewing from start to finish.

The strip club they all pole dance in is a bizarrely brightly lit and under-populated establishment with a not very funny comedy DJ and a bouncer whoís good at letting two people in at a time (watch the gag later when he starts letting the zombies in two at a time Ė brilliant!) It also looks like itís made of balsa wood, which it probably is judging by how easily the zombies fall through the wall later. The diner they all go for a bite to eat after work together is literally 10 yards away, but since thereís a lot of exposition to get through in the scene when the strippers walk to it, they have to walk really, really slowly, which is unintentionally very funny. And when they get there the stuff that comes out of the prostitutesí mouths (words Iím talking about) would put even the rudest stand-up to shame, especially the vocabulary of the huge breasted lead prostitute zombie character Ė watch what she does with that pancake.

Oh, and then there are the zombies. These zombies are the kind that shuffle towards their prey, and then sort of stop a few feet away leaving the actors enough time to say their lines effectively before either running away or getting eaten. But at least when you shoot at them they gladly let their heads explode, although the amount of CG used here to allow that is painfully obvious. A bit like the ending Ė I admit Iíve never thought of an ending like that before for a zombie movie so considering the derivative nature of the rest of the flick itís a surprise to see an original idea, but thatís the crazy world of B-movies for you, you never know what youíre going to get.

So there you have it, Zombies Zombies Zombies is an absolutely cinematically worthless piece of celluloid trash that I couldnít help loving from start to finish. Itís got bad zombies (yay!) boobs (yay!) although not as many as youíd expect (boo), cheesy dialogue (yay!), shotguns (yay!) a chainsaw (yay!) a lot of CG headshots (yay! Ė sorta) and itís even got a small town Sheriff who dutifully enters the plot via a phone call to the Sheriffís office (yay!) and exits 5 minutes later as zombie lunch (yay!). Do I need to say anymore? Iím starting to think now that youíve probably already decided whether youíre going to like this movie or not and I expect youíre probably going to be right with whatever decision youíve come to. In fact, thereís probably no reason to carry on this review.

Oh, while Iím here though I canít leave without mentioning Harley, the new girl. She is incredibly cute and endearing playing the dumb blonde with some kind of clichťd B-movie brilliance. I couldnít decide whether she was a bad actress or a good actress playing an intentionally badly acted B-movie character of a naÔve stripper, but either way her opening pole dance is hilarious Ė sheís rubbish and falls on her arse but for some reason itís brilliant and sexy too, or maybe thatís just my cute girl pig tail fetish coming through. Ahem, Iíd better leave now.