Friday, August 28, 2009

Obama is a Honky too!

(and good for him)

By David A. Kearns

This Just in: Obama is a honky too!

Golf? Martha’s Vineyard? The CEO of UBS and President Barack O’Bama? Yes, according to columnist Amy Goodman, the president spent five hours golfing with UBS CEO Robert Wolf, in Martha’s Vineyard last week.

As in…“Er uh Mahtha’s Vin yahd! He pahked the cahhh, in Hahhhhvaaahd yahhhhad! Then he went to the er, uh Vin- yahhhhd!”

Can you get more Honky than this? Is this not Honky enough for you?

“Are you not entertained?”

Yet you have others who are obviously carved out of a single massif of extruded dip-shite, who think Obama is somehow plotting to throw away the capitalist system and adopt socialism. These would be the self-appointed arbiters of Americana, Rush, Sean Hannity, Bill O’Rail-ee, et al.

Yeah, Sean, and others, let me set you straight. A sign your leader is getting ready to go socialist? This would look something like him randomly and capriciously taking over an oil company, invading a neighboring country in order to nationalize their gas pipelines, right? Not playing an elitist game on an exclusive island, with the president of a bank who donated $250,000 to the president’s campaign back in 2006. The latter would be a sure sign that the president, in fact, is a capitalist at heart and plans right on being one in the near future.

Once again: Hugging Castro while wearing a Che Guevara T, while jumping up and down at a rally, while Cold Play blasts in the background, while waving a gigantic foam, bird finger in the air for the cameras, while dancing on an American Flag? Something like this? Yes, then, by all means, Houston we have a problem.

Obama could only be more Honky now, if he had a drunken lap dance with a stripper while smoking a cigar. Something he likely won’t do.

Honky is Obama and Obama is Honky. Back in college was known for his discarded Skoal plugs and dip cans. He was always leaving these around.

“Damn it Barry! You should just take up smoking…” more than one roommate was heard to shout after knocking over the Diet Coke can filled with dip-spit.

And what are these end-times freaks on about: “he’s too eloquent. It’s a sure sign he’s the anti-Christ.” It’s like these folks have never seen a black man make sense, and much like watching a cheap Korean kung fu movie, dubbed with Australian accents, they can’t believe what they are seeing. Therefore it must be the end of the world. Yep, as we know, kids, if there is something afoot you don’t quite understand, consult Revelations, the only book in the bible written by a guy on a mushroom trip.

And Kenyan? We have a Kahleefoneyah governor from Austria (Did you know they changed the name of the state to Khaleefoneya?). I am past sick of hearing this nonsense about the Obama-Kenya connection. Say you find out he was born there? Guess what? I don’t give a shit. He’s better than what we had going. And there are millions of American blacks descended from Kenyan slaves who have been in this country for 400 years who never once caught a break. The Kenya issue is dead. Find something else to bitch about.

Admit it, the man was handed a bag of crap from the last administration that he is working hard to somehow ...de-crap-ify because, hell, the mess was more than eight years in the making and (oops) six months into it, nope, he’s not solved all the problems. Talk about your “Magic Negro.” The republicans say this G and T sobriquet all the time - sotto voce of course, smiling covert racism (thumbs up! We still rule the locker room and the putting green), and yet, republicans really and truly believe Obama SHOULD have fixed all this stuff in less than 200 days?

Magic Dumbass helped create the mess in two terms, are we afraid Magic Negro just might fix it in the first year?

"WHY hasn't he fixed, this HUGE mess yet! C'mon!"

"Well, we're waiting!"

For my money, Obama is what we need, not a moment too soon. He needs to follow up on his alternative energy promises, just as much as he needs to work on Health Care.

And I can hear the detractors now.“Alternative energy? Son if he does that, the devil will crawl out of hell and feast on the souls of the living. End times. It’s the end times!”

Gimme a break already. Give the guy a shot. Listen with your heart and not your partisan backside. And stop waiving that book in my face; you know the one, the one you never open, but it's worn threadbare from you thumping on it all the time.

And if at a later date, the Governor of Khaleefoneyah wants to run for president, AND he fixes some of his state's considerable problems now, I won't say he shouldn't be given a shot at the top job.

This is, after all, America. Isn't it? George Washington's people didn't come from here either.

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What is "My Bladder is Full"

My Bladder is Full is dedicated to the concept that in these difficult times, it is far better to be pissed off, than to be pissed on. Like it says in the title, "it's healthy to release."

My Bladder is not for the squeemish. And there is every chance that word is not spelled correctly. But it just might be. So I leave it.

My Bladder seeks out targets of the absurd, targets of self-importance, and the ... just a moment while my wife yells at me:there, all done ... corporately flattulent, and stabs them squarely in the balls with my rapier wit, bad, violent metaphors, and poor spelling.

I am the noisemaker at the back of the room, the malcontent who never grew up, and I will be heard.

Find What Fills My Bladder! From Glenn Beck to 2012

About Me

Editor David Kearns is the author of Where Hell Freezes Over (Dunne Books 2005) the non-fiction account of his father's plane crash and rescue during Naval Operation Highjump, Antarctica 1946/47.
He graduated from Florida Tech 1987 with a degree in Geological Oceanography. He spent two years in Honduras as a Peace Corps Volunteer (1988-90) working with small scale farmers and fishing cooperatives. His writing career began in 1994 working for weekly newspapers, then local dailies in Sebastian, Florida. David enjoys surfing, fishing and travelling to Ireland with his family.
DavidAnthonyKearns@Gmail.com