The Battle of the Movie Quotes (Coen Bros. Edition)

In the post below, Hubris suggests a battle of quotes between Big Lebowski, Raising Arizona and Fargo. ( see update)
I say Lebowski wins this hands down, but have at it. May the best movie win.
Haven't figured out yet how we'll determine the winner, but I'm sure it will work itself out.
Update: Don't forget to mention which movie your quote comes from for the Coen Bros. impaired among us. And as of now, any Coen Bros. film is eligible.

Pete: Who elected you leader o' this outfit?
Everett: Well, Pete, I figgered it oughta be the one with the capacity for abstract thought. But if that ain't the consensus, then hell! Let's put it to a vote!
Pete: Well, I'm votin' for yours truly.
Everett: I'm votin' for yours truly, too!
Delmar: Okay... I'm with you fellas.

Gale: What Evelle means to say is we felt the institution no longer had anything to offer us.

Raising Arizona

_____________________________________

Donny: How come you don't roll on Saturday Walter?
Walter Sobchak: I'm Shomer Shabbos.
Donny: What's that Walter?
Walter Sobchak: Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't drive a car, I don't fuckin' ride in a car, I don't handle money, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit
[shouts]
Walter Sobchak: Don't fucking roll! Shomer shabbos!

The Big L

Classic stuff. You gotta love John Goodwin. Is there anything he wasn't great in?

Barton Fink
W.P. Mayhew: Mister Fink, they have not invented a genre of picture that Bill Mayhew has not, at one time or other, been invited to essay. Yes, I have taken my stab at the rasslin' form, as I have stabbed at so many others, and with as little success. I gather that you are a freshman here, eager for an upperclassman's counsel. However, just at the moment, I have drinking to do. Why don't you stop by my bungalow, which is number fifteen, later on this afternoon, and we will discuss rasslin' scenarios and other things lit'rary.

O Brother
Pete: What's the devil look like?
Ulysses Everett McGill: Well, Pete, there are all manner of lesser imps and demons, but the great Satan hisself is red and scaly with a bifurcated tail, and he carries a hay fork.
Tommy Johnson: Oh no, sir. He's white, as white as you folks, with empty eyes and a big hollow voice. He likes to travel around with a mean old hound.

Private Eye: The world is full of complainers. But the fact is, nothing comes with a guarantee. I don't care if you're the Pope of Rome, President of the United States or Man of the Year, something can all go wrong. But go ahead, complain, tell your problems to your neighbor, ask for help, and watch him fly. Now in Russia, they got it all mapped out so that everyone pulls for everyone else. That's the theory anyway. But what I know about is Texas, and down here... you're on your own.

Sidney J. Mussburger: It's working already. Waring Hudsucker is abstract art on Madison Avenue. What we need now is a new president who will inspire panic in the stockholder.
Board Member 6: A puppet.
Board Member 5: A proxy.
Board Member 2: A pawn.
Sidney J. Mussburger: Sure, sure. Some jerk we can really push around.

"You're not just tellin' us what we wanna hear?"
"No Sir, no way."
"'Cause we just wanna hear the truth."
"Well then I guess I am tellin' you what you wanna hear."
"Boy, didn't we just tell you not to do that?"
"Yessir."
"Okay then."

Private Detective Visser: "You know, you know, a friend of mine a while back broke his hand and put it in a cast. Very next day, he falls, protects his bad hand, and he breaks his good one. So he breaks it too, you know. So, now he's got two busted flippers. So, I says to him: 'Creighton,' I says. 'I hope your wife really loves you, because for the next five weeks, you can't even wipe your own god damn ass.' [Laughs] "That's the test, ain't it? Test of true love."

... or ...

Marty: "You know...in Greece, they would cut off the head of the messenger that brought the bad news."
Private Detective Visser: "Now that don't make much sense."
Marty: "No. It made them feel better."

Delmar: You work for the railroad, Grampa?
Blind guy: I work for no man.
Delmar: Got a name, do you?
Blind guy: I have no name.
Ulysses: Well, that right there may be the reason you've had difficulty findin' gainful employment...

Gotta give it to Hudsucker, one of (in my view) the unappreciated classics.
Apart from "You know....for kids", you gotta love that Board:

Sidney J. Mussburger: One month; to make the blue chip investment of the century look like a round trip ticket on the titanic.
Board Member 7: We play up the fact that Hud is dead.
All: Long live Hud!
Board Member 4: We depress the stock,
Board Member 5: To the point where we can buy 50%,
Board Member 6: 51,
Board Member 7: Not counting the mezzanine.
Sidney J. Mussburger: It could work.
Board Member 3: It should work.
Board Member 4: It would work.
Sidney J. Mussburger: It's working already.

DUDE: Jesus, man, can you change the station?
DRIVER: Fuck you man! You don't like my fucking music, get your own fucking cab!
DUDE: I've had a--
DRIVER: I pull over and kick your ass out, man!
DUDE: had a rough night, and I hate the fucking Eagles, man
DRIVER: That's it! Outta this fucking cab!

Penny: You could have been. A lot of respectable people have been hit by trains.

or

Pete: You stole from my kin!
Ulysses: Who was fixin' to betray us.
Pete: You didn't know that at the time.
Ulysses: So I borrowed it until I did know.
Pete: That don't make no sense!
Ulysses: Pete, it's a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart.

Walter (muttering): Fucking Germans. Nothin changes. Fucking Nazis.Donny: They where Nazis, Dude?Walter: Oh come on, Donny, they were threatening castration! Are we gonna split hairs here? Am I wrong? Am I wrong?Dude: They were nihilists, Walter. They kept saying they believe in nothing.Walter Nihilists, huh. Fuck me. I mean, say what you want about the tenets of national social-ism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.

And the all-time classic...

Maude: Uli Kunkel, the man from the beaver picture?Dude: Beav-- you mean, vagina? I mean, you know the guy?

P.S. Apparently "c-i-a-l-i-s" is an illegal word (part of "s-o-c-i-a-l-i-s-m").

Can't chose between Fargo and Lebowski. I wanta throw some Barton Fink quotes in just because I feel like it:
-----
Deutsch: Oh yeah? What kind of write?
Barton: Well, as a matter of fact I write for the pictures.
Mastrionotti: Big fuckin' deal.
Deutsch: You want my partner to kiss your ass?
Mastrionotti: Would that be good enough for you?
Barton: No, I - I didn't mean to sound...
Deutsch: What did you mean?
Barton: I - I've got respect for - for working guys, like you...
Mastrionotti: Jesus! Ain't that a load off!
------------

Mastrionotti:Started in Kansas City. Couple of housewives.
Deutsch: Couple days ago we see the same M.O. out in Los Feliz.
Mastrionotti: Doctor. Ear, nose and throat man.
Deutsch: All of which he's now missin'.
Mastrionotti: Well, some of his throat was there.
Deutsch: Physician, heal thyself.
Mastrionotti: Good luck with no fuckin' head.
Deutsch: Anyway.
----------------

Charlie:I pulled off early today. Took your advice, went to a doctor about this ear. He says 'You have an ear infection, ten dollars please'. So I says 'I told you I had an ear infection, you give me ten dollars!' Well that started an argument.

Policeman: Do you have any disgruntled employees?
Nathan Arizona Sr.: Hell, they're all disgruntled. I aint running no damn daisy farm. My motto is "Do it my way or watch your butt!"
Policeman: Well, do you think any of them could've done it?
Nathan Arizona Sr.: Oh, don't make me laugh. Without my say-so they wouldn't piss with their pants on fire.
-----------

[Evelle is buying diapers]
Evelle: You know how to put these on?
Grocer: Well, around the butt and over the groin area.
Evelle: Do I need pins or something?
Grocer: They got them tape-ettes already on there. It's self-contained and fairly explanatory.

-------
Mr. Mohra:So, I'm tendin' bar there at Ecklund and Swedlin's last Tuesday and this little guy's drinkin' and he says, "So where can a guy find some action? I'm goin' crazy out there at the lake." And I says, "What kinda action?" and he says, "Woman action, what do I look like?" And I says, "Well, what do I look like, I don't arrange that kinda thing," and he says, "I'm goin' crazy out there at the lake," and I says, "Well, this ain't that kinda place."
Officer Olson: Uh-huh.
Mr. Mohra: So he says, "So I get it, so you think I'm some kinda jerk for askin'," only he doesn't use the word jerk.
Officer Olson: I understand.
Mr. Mohra: And then he calls me a jerk and says the last guy who thought he was a jerk was dead now. So I don't say nothin' and he says, "What do ya think about that?" So I says, "Well, that don't sound like too good a deal for him then."
Officer Olson: Ya got that right.
Mr. Mohra: And he says, "Yah, that guy's dead and I don't mean of old age." And then he says, "Geez, I'm goin' crazy out there at the lake."
Officer Olson: White Bear lake?
Mr. Mohra: Well, Ecklund & Swedlin's, that's closer ta Moose Lake, so I made that assumption.
Officer Olson: Oh sure.
Mr. Mohra: So, ya know, he's drinkin', so I don't think a whole great deal of it, but Mrs. Mohra heard about the homicides down here and she thought I should call it in, so I called it in. End o' story.
Officer Olson: What'd this guy look like anyway?
Mr. Mohra: Oh, he was a little guy. Kinda funny lookin'.
Officer Olson: Uh-huh. In what way?
Mr. Mohra: Just a general way.

Walter Sobchak:Okay Dude, so far it's just been a string of victimless crimes.
The Dude: What about the fucking toe man?
Walter Sobchak: FORGET THE FUCKING TOE!

------

Walter Sobchak:You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me.
The Dude: Yeah, but Walter...
Walter Sobchak: Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon... with nail polish.
----------

The Dude:Walter, what is the point? Look, we all know who is at fault here, what the fuck are you talking about?
Walter Sobchak: Huh? No, what the fuck are you... I'm not... We're talking about unchecked aggression here, dude.
Donny: What the fuck is he talking about?
The Dude: My rug.
Walter Sobchak: Forget it, Donny, you're out of your element!
The Dude: Walter, the chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill, so what the fuck are you talking about?
Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talking about? The chinaman is not the issue here, dude. I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, dude. Across this line, you DO NOT... Also, dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please.

------
Walter Sobchak:OVER THE LINE!
Smokey: Huh?
Walter Sobchak: I'm sorry, Smokey. You were over the line that's a foul.
Smokey: Bullshit. Mark it 8, Dude.
Walter Sobchak: Uh, excuse me. Mark it zero. Next frame.
Smokey: Bullshit, Walter. Mark it 8, Dude.
Walter Sobchak: Smokey, this is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules.

The Dude: Walter, ya know, its Smokey, so his foot slipped over the line a little, big deal.
Walter Sobchak: Dude, this is a league game, the winner of this gets to progress into the next round robin. Am I wrong? Am I wrong?
Smokey: Yeah but I wasn't over.
Walter Sobchak: [pulls out a gun] Smokey you are about to enter a world of pain.
Smokey: Yeah but...
Walter Sobchak: [shouting] A world of pain.
Smokey: Dude, could you...
The Dude: Jesus Walter, you bring a fucking gun bowling?
Walter Sobchak: [shouting] Has the whole world gone crazy? Am I the only one who pays attention to the rules any more?
Smokey: Yeah but...
Walter Sobchak: [shouting] You think i'm fucking around? I'm not fucking around!
[points gun in Smokey's face]
Walter Sobchak: Mark it zero! Fucking mark it zero.
The Dude: They're calling the cops, man.
Smokey: Alright, its fucking zero. Are you happy now you crazy fuck?
Walter Sobchak: ...Its a league game Smokey...

Dude: He has emotional problems, man.
Walter: What, you mean, aside from pacifism?

Dude: You got any leads on who stole my car?
Cop: Leads, yeah sure. I'll uh, just check with the boys down at the Crime Lab. They uh, got uh, four more detectives working on the case. They've got us working in shifts. (Walks away, laughing) Leads!

Treehorn: I deal in publishing, entertainment, political advocacy...
Dude: Which one is Logjammin'?

I'd put the Hudsucker Proxy right up there with The Big Lebowski and Oh Brother Where Art Thou. I loved it when they tried to name the... the "dingus". (Shame they didn't have more of Bruce Campbell's character.)

"6-7-8-7-0-4-niner-Alpha slash 6! That is your employee number! It will NOT be repeated! Without your employee number, you cannot cash your paycheck!"--Hudsucker

"What if you tire before it's done?"--Hudsucker, guess it has to be heard to be appreciated.

"Say, what do you think you were in a previous life?"
"Maybe I was just a fast-talking career gal, who thought she was one of the boys."
"I find that very far-fetched."
"Norville, I-"
"That kind of person would come back as a wildebeast, or a warthog. I find it more likely you were a gazelle. With long graceful legs, gamboling through the underbrush. Perhaps we met once. A chance encounter in a forest glade. I must have been an antelope, or an ibex. The times we must have had, foraging together for sustenance, snorfling water from a forest stream, picking the grubs and burrs from one another's coats. Or perhaps we simply touched horns briefly, and went our separate ways."
"I wish it were that simple, Norville. I wish I was a still a gazelle, and you were an antelope. Or an ibex."

And I've always like this line from O Brother
"Consider the lilies of the goddamn field..."

The Dude:What's in the fuckin' carrier?
Walter Sobchak: Huh? Oh, that's Cynthia's dog. I think it's a Pomeranian. I can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. I'm watching him while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii.
The Dude: You brought the fuckin' Pomeranian bowling?
Walter Sobchak: What do you mean brought it bowling, Dude? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not taking your fucking turn, Dude.

-----

Walter Sobchak:Those rich fucks! This whole fucking thing... I did not watch my buddies die face down in the muck so that this fucking strumpet...
The Dude: I don't see any connection to Vietnam, Walter.
Walter Sobchak: Well, there isn't a literal connection, Dude.
The Dude: Walter, face it, there isn't any connection.

-------
The Dude:You thought that Bunny had been kidnapped and you were fuckin' glad, man. You could use it as an excuse to make some money disappear. You'd just met me... You human paraquat! You figured 'Oh, here's a loser. A deadbeat, someone the square community won't give a shit about.
The Big Lebowski: Well, aren't you?
The Dude: Well... yeah.

-------
Walter Sobchak:Now so far, we have what appears to me to be a series of victimless crimes.
The Dude: What about the toe?
Walter Sobchak: Forget about the fucking toe!
Coffee Shop Waitress: Excuse me, sir. Could you please keep your voices down? This is a family restaurant.
Walter Sobchak: Oh please, dear? For your information, the Supreme Court has roundly rejected prior restraint.

------
Walter Sobchak:Is this your homework, Larry? Is this your homework, Larry?
The Dude: Look, man...
Walter Sobchak: Dude, please? Is this your homework, Larry?
The Dude: Just ask him about the car.
Walter Sobchak: Is this yours, Larry? Is this your homework, Larry?
The Dude: Is that your car out front?
Walter Sobchak: Is this your homework, Larry?
The Dude: We know it's his fucking homework! Where's the fucking money, you little brat?
Walter Sobchak: Look, Larry. Have you ever heard of Vietnam?
The Dude: Oh, for Christ's sake, Walter...
Walter Sobchak: You're entering a world of pain, son. We know that this is your homework. We know that you stole a car.
The Dude: And the fucking money.
Walter Sobchak: And the fucking money. And, we know that this is your homework.
The Dude: We're going to cut your dick off, Larry.
Walter Sobchak: You're killing your father, Larry!
---------

The Dude on phone with walter: Of course the car made it home, you're calling me at home. No, Walter, it did NOT look like Larry was about to crack!

--------
The Dude:Your money is being held by a kid named Larry Sellers. Real fucking brat, but I'm sure your goons can get it off him. I mean, he's fifteen. Flunking social studies.

----------
Brandt:How was your meeting, Mr. Lebowski?
The Dude: Okay. The old man told me to take any rug in the house
-------
Idea for drinking game: drink every time Walter says "shut the fuck up, Donny.

Delmar O'Donnell: You work for the railroad, Grampa?
Blind Seer: I work for no man.
Delmar O'Donnell: Got a name, do you?
Blind Seer: I have no name.
Ulysses Everett McGill: Well, that right there may be the reason you've had difficulty findin' gainful employment...

Delmar O'Donnell: Care for a gopher?
Ulysses Everett McGill: No thank you, Delmar. One third of a gopher would only arouse my appetite without bedding it down.