How To Really Make Drinks 'On The Rocks'

ZOMG now you can really make drinks 'on the rocks'. You just chill these special Nordic Rocks in the freezer before use, and presto, they keep your drink cold! A set of ten costs about $29 and are sure to scratch your glass and f*** your teeth. $29? I mean seriously, I can get rocks from the yard.

UPDATE: Mmmm, scotch and mud on the rocks. Oh, and what's this -- I got a roly-poly!