Starting at 4 pm today, lines will begin forming outside Häagen-Dazs shops across the country, as the ice cream chain with the Danish name offers its annual four hours of free cones. Few marketing gimmicks move Americans en masse like free cone days, which are held every year by Ben and Jerry's and some Dairy Queens. The lines can get long and the waits can get testy, but ultimately free cone day invites a celebratory atmosphere as long as a few unwritten rules are followed. Now, for the first time, we've written down those rules to promote peaceful coning everywhere.

No spot saving: It doesn't matter if it's your spouse, your child, or the old lady you hang out with to feel better about avoiding your now-dead grandparents--they start at the back of the line.

No tastes: Free cone day isn't a time to experiment. You walk up to that counter and ask for chocolate, vanilla or another flavor you're intimately familiar with. The only thing little spoons are good for on free cone day is sharpening and shanking anyone who asks for a sample.

No receiving your free cone and immediately getting back in line: At least finish it first, lest the ravenous creatures in the back of the line tear your arm off for a taste of that sweet, sweet mocha chip.

No putting the cone on your car's hood and telling everyone you drive a 2013 Unicone: Just because it was free doesn't mean you should waste it.

No walking by the people waiting for a free cone with a cone you bought from another ice cream shop: It would take a true sociopath to flaunt his riches like this.

No computing how much money you'd make in the 30 minutes you've spent standing in line for a $4 cone: It'll only make you sad on what's supposed to be a happy day.

No realizing how long it's been since you went to an ice cream shop and ordered a cone: It'll only remind you that you don't love ice cream all that much and you're only doing this it for cheap novelty.

Do sell water for $5 a bottle outside of the shop: Ice cream makes people thirsty and you're filling a need. Some might call it opportunism, we call it smart.