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Why would I choose? Why? /rant

Really, why would I choose to be gay? Does anyone realize, how different my life is going to be because I am gay? I am literally, putting myself on the edge. Homosexuals are subject to so many hate crimes and discrimination. Verbal abuse, or physical. Why would I do that to myself? A need to be different? If I wanted to be different, I would act different than other people. I would make myself look out of the ordinary. I wouldn't make it so any false move I make could ruin my life. Do you really think I like hearing people all around me constantly saying rude remarks about gays? What even hurts more, is that I hear them most from my family and friends. If I could do anything for my life right now, I would choose to be straight. But I cant. So anyone who thinks I am straight because of the way I act, thinks I am not gay because I am not "gay-looking", or just think I am not gay period, you need to hack off. Why would I want to be gay? I have to live with it, and all the narrow minded idiots out there are just making me want to shove a chair into their face hole.

Comments

In the end I've come to realize that being gay is part of who I am, and despite the societal issues that sometimes come along with it I wouldn't change, no more than I would change any other aspect of my personality.

I've gone through similar stages of anger/annoyance/etc. at people who think homosexuality is a choice. I've had to explain to people that although it's a choice to embrace it (as opposed to denying my feelings and going through life "acting" straight) and accept it, the underlying feelings are certainly not something I can control. I think it's easier for them to accept it that way, and the argument of "well you could just go out with a girl! of course it's a choice to go and have sex with another man! blahblahblah" is less valid that way.

idk, I guess I've gotten to a point now where I don't mind if someone thinks I'm choosing a "lifestyle" for myself that I have total control over. Some of my closest friends think that, and I guess it's easy to forget (not only for them, but for me as well) that we have such differing views on the matter. It's similar to disagreeing about politics, or religion, or any other issue like that to me. Sometimes there are things we just don't discuss, we accept that we disagree with one another and move on.

To me, a true friend is someone who can accept your difference in opinion and not let it degrade their respect for you. I've lost out on getting to know a lot of people because they're so unaccepting of my sexuality, and a lot of times I truly regret that, but again in the end I think that it's less of an impact because I see they lack certain qualities I look for in friends. In this case, setting aside differences and looking at the whole person as opposed to just one little part.

In general being gay has kinda gone in a process for me somewhat like

Oh my god ew, it's a phase, it'll go away
to
Okay maybe I like guys a little, maybe I'm bi
to
I like guys more, but I still like girls...
to
I like guys but I'm NOT going to call myself "gay", gross
to
Maybe I really AM gay

And then from there, it kinda went from becoming the most important part of my personality (to me, not to other people) to becoming a lesser part of a whole, and then eventually and finally to something I don't even think about anymore. I don't get offended when people use the word "gay" interchangably with "stupid", "annoying", or anything else negative or whatever. I don't get offended when people say "fag" (or even call me a fag), I don't get offended when people say marriage should be between a man and a woman only, or anything else similar.

Unfortunately that's caused some trouble with gay friends a few times, who think I'm "ashamed" to be gay or some such bullcrap. That isn't true at all, I'm not ashamed, I just think the whole thing gets way too much attention from everyone. Homophobes and homosexuals alike give way too much time, effort, attention, etc. into the whole damn thing, so I just kinda refuse to do it. I don't argue about sexuality anymore, I don't try to convince people to accept me, I don't let myself get offended by people who don't want to be my friend, etc.

Life is too short, youth too fleeting to let yourself wish you were a different kind of person. Eventually I hope you accept yourself fully for who you are, even if it isn't for the same reasons or ways that I have (and I wouldn't expect it to be.)

wow...I have just realized...that gays are equal...I have changed...I...I will never make a bad comment of a gay again...this single blog post has changed the way I look at people...I think this is greatest words of defense ever...I...I am going to my friends later and telling them to accept all the gays, lesbians in the world... praise you for changing my thoughts because of a simple blog post on a forum...

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