Because knowing myself is harder than I expected.

Break Me Down

Sensitive. Have you ever been called the “sensitive” one? In our culture, it has such a negative connotation. I remember being told that I was too sensitive from early on. And the truth of the matter was that I was, and still am. I have a really precious friend, Prisoner of Hope, who is this way too and, because I don’t want her to connote her heart with something so negative, I’ve taken to calling her “tender”. And I think this is really a better descriptor.

These days, my heart is feeling really tender, too. I wake up exhausted emotionally, spiritually, and physically. The cry of my heart has been the lyrics of the Tenth Avenue North song, “Break Me Down”. For so many years I’ve hardened and protected this heart from the barrage of heartache in the world. Now, years of building tidal waves seem to be crashing over me, and I’m just trying to hang on. I know that after a while things will get easier, especially as I allow the balm of Gilead to pour into these cracked places. But for now, it hurts. I want to be the sort of woman that runs to the Lord when things get hard, but this feels like it’s a long process of hurt and surrender for me.

Tonight I meet with Ransomed Grace, and while I’m excited, I’m anticipating hard work and perhaps tears. I don’t cry in front of people much, and especially virtual strangers (though this stranger already loves me, I remind myself). Without further ado, here’s my anthem

Break Me Down by Tenth Avenue North

Yeah, I feel You fallin’Like the rain against my skinAnd I hear You callingYour voice like thunder in my headBut now I am stallin’Cuz I’m afraid to let you inYeah, come break me down with Your mercyCome break me down again

I feel it inside meI feel You underneath my skinThese walls could not hide meThey could not keep You from coming inSo now here You find meRight back to where I beganOh, come break me down with Your mercyCome break me down again

I’m Yours tonightI’m Yours. You can break me downBreak through these walls I hide behindI’m Yours tonightCome and break me downWon’t You break me down