Parker

Parker (Jason Statham) is a thief. He lives by a very strict code of ethics. He doesn’t hurt innocent people. If he does something to you, it’s because you did something to deserve it. And killing is something that is only done when he has been seriously wronged.

His father in law, Hurley (Nick Nolte) signs him up with a crew to pull a heist at a fair. Things go mostly according to plan. During their getaway, Melander (Michael Chiklis) invites Parker to use his share of the haul as seed money for the next job, which will have a payoff ten times bigger than this one. When Parker declines, Melander and his crew have no choice but to kill Parker. Parker is shot and left for dead on the side of the road.

He is found by a passing family, who take him to the hospital. (It’s not that easy to kill Jason Statham.) He now seeks his revenge. He escapes the hospital and steals what he needs to complete his new mission. He has to figure out where Melander and his crew have gone, take their haul and exact his revenge.

Parker is a Jason Statham movie. Nothing more. That means a lot of chases and fighting. I don’t mind Statham movies. Their mindless entertainment. As far as Jason Statham goes, though, this is a terrible one. Perhaps the worst of the bunch. And that’s including Crank 2.

The story is weak. The action is lacking. Most of the concepts are completely unbelievable, even for Statham. (How long was he in that ambulance in the cornfield?) It verges on the absurd.

The highlight of the movie was the opening scene. Being from Ohio, I’ve been to the State Fair many times. I was wondering if they had actually filmed here. When I saw and recognized most of the buildings, I realized they actually did. I was a little surprised I hadn’t heard anything, since I have a family member who works there.

That’s where the highlights end. With all the big names (or at least at one time big names), I guess I expected more. I guess my expectations were too high, even considering the class of movie I was watching. Chiklis’ acting consisted of pseudo yelling. Nick Nolte and Bobby Cannavale were forgettable, unnecessary characters, as was most of the rest of the cast. Jennifer Lopez was obviously only cast as eye candy, such as it is. Lines by everyone were delivered like they were in a middle school play. The action wasn’t any better.

In short, I’m upset that I kept this movie for 2 days and paid $2.60 for it. That’s about $5 more than it’s worth. Don’t waste your time with this one.