Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Beautiful Day

I write a lot of things that I never post anywhere… some of them are stories, some of them are dreams, sometimes I’m writing to myself, and sometimes I have no clue who I’m writing to, I just do. Some of them are hysterical to go back to and read later, as in “WHAT was I thinking??? lol

Others hold more meaning for me…I wrote this a few days ago while in the midst of a low… If you’ve ever read any of my longer posts (most of which are currently offline), the last part of this will be familiar in tone and expression…________________________________________

I awake at #bgnow 41... and having already corrected, I dwell in the wasteland that is a low, my mind screaming at me to shove anything, everything I see into my mouth in a desperate attempt to quell the seemingly never-ending stabbing pain of weakness I feel at the very center of my being, even as I greet the beauty of the morning with my soul at once both euphoric and already exhausted... knowing I am not alone in this moment and having once again survived, but slowly waking to the realization that it will probably happen again...

(10 minutes later) d, you can have my body, and you will probably one day take my life, but you will never, ever, EVER get me to surrender my will to you.. for I have looked you in the eye and found you at your very core to be a weak, flawed, and temporary condition, unworthy of anything less than being kicked to the curb which I gladly do now...

I alone get to choose how I view this moment, how I view this day and my circumstances…. I now greet this morning with abandonment, excitement and boundless joy!!! and you? you go crawl back into the pit of hell from which you came... you are nothing to me...______________________________

And a beautiful day it was… and no matter what the weather is right now, today is a beautiful day… hope it is for you too…