ON TAKING THE HIGH ROAD; A PERPSECTIVE ON HUMAN EMOTIONS

The writing of this essay has been on my mind for
quite some time.Maybe some of my
procrastination has to do with my awareness that understanding this concept and
putting it to use can be a powerful, life altering activity.My
concern is: Can I adequately communicate
it in this essay? I have accepted
the assignment.

For almost 30 years I have been a student of a
spiritual path described in the three books of A Course in Miracles.The Course teaches that there are only two
basic emotions in our lives; they are love and fear.All of our many emotional reactions are
derivatives of one or the other.For
example selfishness, greed, revenge, anger, jealousy, lying, low self-esteem,
intolerance and arrogance are all fear-based.Conversely, generosity, forgiveness, compassion, tolerance, honesty and
humility are love-based.It is important
to remember; every fear-based emotion has a love-based opposite.

Further it is important for us to realize that fear
and love are opposites and co-variables.They are opposites because we cannot be loving and fearful at the same
time.They are co-variables because if
love goes up in our lives fear goes down and vice-versa.

We probably are in agreement that all mentally
healthy people want to be happy.Let
us also carefully consider that we can greatly influence the degree of
happiness we experience by the decisions we make -- if we make more fear-based
decisions than love-based ones we live with more fear -- if we make more
love-based decisions we live with more love.Of course, happiness is on the love-based
side of the equation.

The
Influence of Attitudes

Your choice to make fear-based or love-based
decisions will probably be influenced by another belief system/mental factor
which can be described as an attitude.

·One attitude is: We live in a world of plenty -- there is enough of everything.

Or
it’s opposite

·We
live in a world of shortages.

If you think we live in a world of shortages fear
will likely influence your primary motivation to be: What’s in it for me? Rather
than; “What is in the best interest of
all concerned, including me?”

To benefit from making love-based decisions --
taking the high road-- requires disciplining ourselves to consciously apply it,
on a continuous basis, to every situation requiring a decision. It is of
paramount importance to be ever mindful that fear-based decisions will not
serve my desire for happiness -- and most importantly, I CAN CHOOSE AGAIN --it
is that simple!

A
“MIND SET”

For a number of years
I have highly respected the work of research psychologist Dr. J. B. Rotter.In his book, Locus of Control, he identified two ways of thinking that effect a
person’s decision making.He referred to
people as being either “Internals” or “Externals.” In short, Internals are
optimists and Externals are pessimists.Further he concluded that Externals believe in “fate, luck and powerful others” while Internals believe, “I am in charge of my own destiny.”

A further conclusion
of Dr. Rotter is that Internals have a much greater tendency to trust while
Externals are “non-trusters.” I found his work to be very useful, especially
many clearly defined differences in quality
of life between the two ways of thinking and being.For example his research clearly validated
the following:Trusters (Internals) live
longer; are happier; have more friends; have fewer heart attacks and other
debilitating illnesses. He did find however that trusters are often taken
advantage of, however, non-trusters miss out on many more of life’s joyful
experiences. One of his major
conclusions was that, “It is better to
trust unless you have reason not to!”

Non-trusters are much more likely to take the low
road.

STEVEN
COVEY’S TRUST ESSAY

DR. STEPHEN COVEY’S GREAT CONTRIBUTIONS:

NOTE: One of Dr.
Covey’s greatest contributions to our society was his book The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People.The following essay is without doubt
equally true and useful.

THE
ONE THING THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING

There
is one thing that is common to every individual, relationship, team, family, organization,
nation, economy, and civilization throughout the world -- one thing which, if
removed, will destroy the most powerful government, the most successful
business, the most thriving economy, the most influential leadership, the
greatest friendship, the strongest character, the deepest love.

On the other hand, if developed and
leveraged, that one thing has the potential to create unparalleled success and
prosperity in every dimension of life.Yet, it is the least understood, most neglected, and most underestimated
possibility of our time.

That one thing is trust.

Trust
impacts us 24/7, 365 days a year.It
undergirds and affects the quality of every relationship, every work project,
every business venture, and every effort in which we are engaged.It changes the quality of every present
moment and alters the trajectory on outcome of every future moment of our lives
-- both personally and professionally.

Contrary to what most people believe,
trust is not some soft, illusive quality that you either have or you don’t;
rather trust is a pragmatic, tangible, actionable asset that you can create --
much faster than you probably think possible.

While corporate scandals, terrorist
threats, office politics, and broken relationships have created low trust on
almost every front, I contend that the possibility to establish, grow, extend,
and restore trust is not only vital to our personal and interpersonal
well-being; it is the key leadership competency of the new global economy.

I am also convinced that in every
situation, nothing is as fast as the speed of trust. And, contrary to popular
belief, trust is something you can do something about.In fact, you can get good at it!

Stephen Covey

Now let us talk about “high road” decisions and
“low road” decisions.

--Sometimes we rationalize that we are “justified”
to take the low road. [RATIONALIZE—to devise self-satisfying but incorrect
reasons for one’s behavior. American
Heritage Dictionary]

--It may be “legal” to take the low road.

--It is often more profitable to take the low road.

--Others might see taking the low road as the smart
choice.

--Laziness might influence me to take the low road.

--Revenge might be my justification to take the low
road.

“THE
BOX”

In recent years we have heard the term “in the
box.”My senior citizen (read old
fashioned) understanding of that term is that if I am “in the box” I will have
increased difficulty being effective in my communications and therefore have
greater difficulty accomplishing my objectives.Not a good place to be!I can put
myself in the box by doing something that might be greatly -- or even
marginally -- a violation of my value system and trying to justify it.Making excuses inside my own head --
rationalizing.

The real problem is what happens next.My avoidance of my own perception of
responsible behavior leads me to feelings of guilt and I am led to rationalize
by blaming others or circumstances over which I have no control -- I have
chosen to be a victim. The consequence
of this is self-deception.Said another way it is “intellectual
dishonesty” -- being dishonest with myself.

At a very real and deep level avoidance of the
responsibility of living my values leads to the penalty of reduced self-worth
and a sense of powerlessness.These
factors will reduce my acceptance that I am in charge of my own destiny -- a
great loss to quality of life.

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Bud's current involvement is as a platform speaker, consultant to private businesses and public institutions, author, and executive coach on the topics of management, leadership, and trust-based relationships. He also sponsors personal and spiritual growth groups and wilderness adventure seminars for business and health professionals.

Mr. Ham has served as consultant, confidante and counselor for more than thirty-five years to executives and professional people. He has lectured in Great Britain, Mexico, throughout Canada, and in 49 states. He was a member of a teaching delegation of health professionals, sponsored by the China-U.S. Exchange, who visited six hospitals in the Peoples Republic of China. He refers to himself not as one with answers, but one who can help his client friends identify their alternatives and maximally utilize all of their resources, including spiritual resources, in their professional and personal lives. These factors uniquely qualify him to make meaningful contributions to organizational effectiveness. He is a devoted family man, a hunter, an avid fly-fisherman, a gardner, a horseman, an author and a poet.