Behavioral Health

Parenting the "New" Adolescent

Today's adolescents are presenting as more challenging than ever before.
They are surrounded with all sorts of stimulation and choices. Illegal
drugs are easily accessible, school districts are limited in services
that they can provide, peer pressure surrounds them, and most families
have dual incomes. The expectations are greater for an adolescent to
succeed. Studies are finding that teenagers are more at risk for mental
health issues than ever before.

External stressors such as divorce, death and social pressures have a
tremendous impact on the healthy development of an adolescent male or
female. Anthony E. Wolf, PhD, author of Get Out of My Life, but First
Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall, states "The capacity to let
go, to separate, to allow a child to resolve his or her own destiny, is
crucial to being the parent of a teenager." Often times, the adolescent
staff at American Day Treatment Center, are asked "What do I do with my
son or daughter?" Below are some important guidelines in dealing with
today's adolescent.

Setting firm limits and boundaries and enforcing them when they
are crossed. Adolescents often report that they want to be
disciplined and structured. They want their parents to be
parents.

It is extremely important to have open communication between
parents and their teenagers however; parents should not rely
upon their children as friends. At times, parents end up
confiding "adult information" with children who are simply too
young to hear that information. Being "friends" with your
teenage child is inappropriate because parents can become
enmeshed in their child's life which is unhealthy since a major
part of parenting is "letting go".

In addition, when a parent assumes the role of friend, they lose
ground as disciplinarian and enforcer of limits. It is important
to have discipline in place so that adolescents are accountable
for their behavior and parents do not sabotage their role of
authority.

Active listening is key in the relationship between parent and
teenager. Active listening is being able to hear what your son
or daughter is saying without passing judgment or feeling the
need to resolve the situation at hand. This proves to be an
invaluable support to the child.

According to Anthony E. Wolf, PhD, the above mentioned author,
"Trust is the foundation of the relationship between parent and
teenager. Parents must be able to trust their children.
Adolescents must feel trusted, for it is a key to their sense of
self-respect." It is a cyclical dynamic that is often difficult
to engage but the rewards are exponential in the relationship
between teenager and parent.

Positive conflict resolution and the art of compromise. The
teenage years are filled with turbulent emotions between the
adolescent and parents. Oftentimes, an argument ends with doors
slamming, insults being hurled, and in some cases worse. The
participants of the argument tend to want to "let things go" or
"let the dust settle" rather than resolve the initial conflict
and the issues stemming from it. This only allows the family to
nurse the anger which may explode again later. Parents are
encouraged to revisit the conflict when both parties have calmed
themselves and can discuss the issues in an appropriate manner.
This will open the door for compromise on behalf of both
parties, which is a win-win situation.

In summary, parenting the "new" adolescent presents with many challenges
and is ever evolving but it can be done successfully. By providing
structure, support, limits, respect, communication and trust the family
unit can begin to thrive. But overall, it is important for parents to be
parents and provide a safe and caring home environment where the issues
of today's teenager can be addressed in a supportive but firm fashion.

Connect with MLH

Behavioral Health

The First Step:1.888.CARE.898(1.888.227.3898)

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referrals and admissions. To schedule an appointment for Outpatient
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on-staff professional will assess your needs, answer questions, help
with a crisis or direct you to the most appropriate level of care.

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