Share this with

With the advancement of sex robots and sex doll brothels, the conversation surrounding these ultra-realistic sex aids has begged the question: if women can have vibrators, why can’t men have sex dolls?

Many women find offence in them being compared to vibrators, which have become a tool of empowerment and a way to reclaim female sexuality – something that society has shunned since the dawn of time.

So, is it fair to compare the two? Speaking to Metro.co.uk, sex therapist and host of LBC’s Sex and Relationship show Lucy Beresford, says the main difference is the stigma around sex dolls.

‘Both are aids for the person to have sexual pleasure alone. Of course dolls are made to look like women whereas not all vibrators are designed to replicate a penis – far from it.

‘Vibrators for women are nowadays designer items, in pastel colours, elegant, tactile designs and sassy packaging. Sex dolls for men still have the label of being used by sad men who can’t (or won’t) engage in normal human connectivity, and are therefore seen as creepy.’

The focus isn’t on replicating a penis, it’s on pleasure – because, sorry to break it to you, but sometimes a dick isn’t enough.

But while the female sex toy industry is distancing itself from anatomically correct designs, the sex doll industry is moving in the complete opposite direction.

Sex doll innovation is doing everything possible to replicate women as realistically as possible, down to every detail, complete with everything except autonomy.

Manufacturers are now trying to make sex dolls as realistic as possible (Picture: Getty)

The most problematic aspect of sex dolls aren’t the dolls themselves, but rather the skewed sexual politics that do not recognise women as fully human.

The fear is that sex dolls position women as toys for men to play with.

In a world that already treats women as sex objects with no agency, the idea of silicone replicas of women who can’t say ‘no’ doesn’t sound at all appealing. They risk reinforcing the incredibly dangerous notion that women’s bodies exist only for men’s pleasure.

Is it healthy to encourage men to f*** women who don’t talk, move, or even breathe?

Beresford believes sex dolls can actually help men foster a better relationship with sex, and provide comfort in cases where there is lack of access to others, social anxiety, inexperience or self-consciousness.

In the movie Lars And The Real Girl, Ryan Gosling plays a totally endearing socially awkward man who gets into a relationship with a sex doll. Perhaps it’s because it’s impossible not swoon over Gosling, but I can understand what Beresford is talking about.

Advertisement

Advertisement

‘Some users have given up in frustration at relationships with real people, but still long for sexual release,’ says Beresford.

‘They can boost confidence and combat loneliness. If you’re shy, are divorced or bereaved and longing for company, or you just don’t really like emotions getting in the way of your sex life, sex dolls are ideal.’

‘I think it can be harmful to completely place them in separate categories because then we become afraid of sex dolls and think of them as this scary ‘other’,’ she tells Metro.co.uk.

‘Sex dolls may look like women, but they aren’t going to replace women, just like vibrators aren’t going to replace men.

‘I think there are a few reasons vibrators are more accepted than sex dolls. In part I think it’s because we see men as being self-sufficient and not needing devices or dolls to get off, they learn how to give themselves orgasms when they are teenagers, but some women don’t have orgasms until their 30s or 40s.

‘Also I think we question a man’s masculinity if he buys a doll. A real man shouldn’t have to buy a doll, that sort of thing. When women start to use more sex dolls, then we’ll think of them as less sleazy, but we still have this idea of a man buying a sex doll as being a total creep.’

Sex toys don’t always have phallic shapes anymore (Picture: Getty)

Sex dolls have long existed, and Lieberman dates them back to ancient Greece, but they are yet to be accepted in mainstream culture.

Advertisement

Equating them to vibrators might not be entirely misguided, but the biggest difference is that vibrators have no chance of being problematic because women aren’t problematic. The same can’t be said for men, many of whom believe they have a fundamental right to a woman’s body.

There’s still this idea that sex is something men get from or do to women, not something to be mutually enjoyed by both sexes, so although sex dolls can be used for good, I can’t help but worry that they can just as easily project male sexual entitlement.

The effort that is going into creating super advanced and realistic sex dolls should be matched with better sex education in schools that teaches about consent, sensibility and sexual pleasure. And yet, capitalist patriarchy is more concerned with pleasing erections than dismantling the toxic masculinity that keeps women submissive and men sexually violent or frustrated.

It has taken decades to educate men – and women too, for that matter – on female sexual pleasure, and there’s still a long way to go.

From the dawn of time, female sexuality has either been ignored, misunderstood or spoken of in context to male pleasure. Even vibrators themselves were initially created by men to cure female hysteria.

But we’ve finally entered a sexual revolution wave that is slowly bringing equality in sex.

Ultimately, sex dolls are only as problematic as the men who use them and it’s not our place to ban or stigmatise them.

Advertisement

No one has the right to tell you how you should or shouldn’t get off, and we should accept other people’s sexual preferences even if they don’t align with ours – because that’s what sex positivity is about.

Perhaps one day sex dolls will be normalised and be as common as bullet and rabbit vibes, but we’ll never get there if we perpetuate the stigma surrounding them.

To get there, we have to keep fighting for equal rights, spreading awareness about consent and teaching what a healthy sex life looks like.