You absolutely can change your situation. You do not have to stay miserable or stuck or permanently unsatisfied. It can be daunting, when you have a goal that seems impossible, but you must have faith in your own decision to want to get there. Tim Ferriss wrote: "The decent method you follow is better than the perfect method you quit." An academic advisor back in college once gave me this sage advice: Q: How do you eat a whale? A: One bite at a time. Start with one thing. Cut out bread. Add another. Walk one morning per week. Make... Continue reading

Lucy-
I am in agreement with most everything you wrote. Justine's situation is a perfect example of the rage outweighing the offense. Was it an offensive joke? Okay. Were all of the people screaming for her head actually outraged? I wonder. The problem is, this rage ruins lives and then the mob moves on to the next target. Where is the line on demanding the heads of people saying stupid things? Is public shaming for an insensitive joke, to the degree of potentially plunging someone into a suicidal spiral an effective tactic in silencing people a mob decides deserve it? I wonder, that's all. Perhaps I have the luxury of being able to ask for tougher skin, because I have so rarely been the target of entrenched prejudice. I'm certainly reconsidering my post, based on some of the responses here.
Thanks for your thoughtful discussion.

When did we lose our patience? I want you to allow people to make mistakes; to be human; to screw up. I want you to stop waiting for each gaffe, and then stop gleefully turning to social media and squawking and bleating like an annoying kid rats on his sibling. Consider the fact that we are all ...

When did we lose our patience? I want you to allow people to make mistakes; to be human; to screw up. I want you to stop waiting for each gaffe, and then stop gleefully turning to social media and squawking and bleating like an annoying kid rats on his sibling. Consider the fact that we are all ...

When did we lose our patience? I want you to allow people to make mistakes; to be human; to screw up. I want you to stop waiting for each gaffe, and then stop gleefully turning to social media and squawking and bleating like an annoying kid rats on his sibling. Consider the fact that we are all ...

When did we lose our patience? I want you to allow people to make mistakes; to be human; to screw up. I want you to stop waiting for each gaffe, and then stop gleefully turning to social media and squawking and bleating like an annoying kid rats on his sibling. Consider the fact that we are all ...

When did we lose our patience? I want you to allow people to make mistakes; to be human; to screw up. I want you to stop waiting for each gaffe, and then stop gleefully turning to social media and squawking and bleating like an annoying kid rats on his sibling. Consider the fact that we are all imperfect people trying our best to thrive and coexist, with no real answers. Try assuming the best intentions in people, even if you are sometimes disappointed. I want you to remember how much easier life is for us all when we aren't judgmental... Continue reading

As I drift into permanent adulthood, I continue the struggle to find new hobbies and interests which redefine me. It's the trickiest part about getting older. The midlife crisis is not so much about lamenting years gone by, but more about getting acquainted with the person you've become. Old habits and tendencies no longer apply. New passions and routines must be established. With kids, that becomes difficult. As we approach middle age, it's essential that we take the time to invest energy into our new interests, or we run the risk of becoming tired shells of former men and women... Continue reading

What is that thing that keeps us doing the things we know bring us misery? I can't solve it, but I can take steps to thwart it. I've felt disconnected from my kids lately. Part of it is a relentless work schedule, and part of it is that I'm very selfish. I choose an open computer or a refreshed twitter feed or an instagram post at times, when I should really choose a moment with my kid. I'm aware of it while it's happening, and I can't break out of it. It's an addiction that's costing me time I can't... Continue reading

It's not enough to say: "But I'm a good guy. I don't marginalize women. I don't catcall them. I don't treat them like produce." You're missing the point. Stop making it about you. Accept the fact that an overwhelming number of women are telling you that harassment is a daily part of their existence, and start supporting a shift in behavior. This isn't us versus them. Your wives and friends and mothers and daughters are affected by sexism. Try to see it. It's shockingly prevalent once you really open your eyes. Reduce your personal tolerance for it. Stop staying quiet... Continue reading

The masses have passed by, which is just fine with me. I was never great with a huge readership. Too much pressure and not enough stomach to sustain any real criticism. Once, that's how it was. Blogs were new and no one read them. You could hide online in plain sight. I feel that way now, and it's nice. One of the pesky side effects of cutting alcohol down to almost none and consistent, healthy eating is clarity. That self-imposed beer fog is a great blanket of dampening oblivion. It's both terrifying and dumbly calming. What you can't feel can't... Continue reading

1. Travel now. Figure it out. 2. Forget working a lifetime to get to a pot of gold. Work, earn, spend some, save some. Work, earn, spend some, save some. 3. A little of everything is usually the best choice. 4. Let kids be kids. 5. Be as nice to yourself as you are to others. Continue reading

"Spikes," she says, as I kiss her cheeks before she leaves for school. It's what she's called my whiskers since she was able to speak, and it's become part of our routine. If I am clean shaven, it's a slightly surprised, "No spikes!" She bounces out the door, telling mommy about the sheep in her Minecraft world. She is four. She is the youngest of three, so our diaper days are almost behind us. I can't be sad about that, right? What's the word for missing the future past you are currently inhabiting? If I could hoard the feelings and... Continue reading

I was listening to Tim Ferriss' podcast a couple of days ago, and stumbled onto an idea that planted itself in my mind and has begun to take hold. One of his guests, the quintissential motivational speaker Tony Robbins, said something to the effect of: You can become bored with happiness. Unless you attach meaning to the goals you have and the things you're doing, your successes and victories will remain unfulfilling. Interesting. As I push into my early 40's, I find myself struggling to evolve into the next version of myself. Until now, I've always at least had an... Continue reading

I have this block that won't allow me to write honestly. It's a huge unmoving blob of fear and hesitation, resistant to poking and prodding. I've been staring at it for what feels like a few years. We put out this version of ourselves on social media. A guarded angle on a much less slick reality. We carefully paint a person we want to be instead of baring the person we are stuck being. Problem is, you can start to feel disappointed in yourself each time you don't live up to the punched up version you wish you were. Eventually,... Continue reading

Loading The return of the SoCal #MurderersRow home game, with @taopauly @change100 @kent171 @absinthetics @factgirly @fhwrdh @noahfonosch and Phil Cheung. So fun. #WPBT View on Instagram Back in 2005, poker bloggers, traditional bloggers, programmers, and a couple of pros used to play online poker together with a group that became affectionately known as the World Poker Blogger Tour: The WPBT. Dr. Pauly, the OG poker blogger gives a nice account of how that group came to be here: The WPBT began as a bad inside joke like a half-baked Saturday Night Live sketch that morphed into a global phenomena and... Continue reading

The fallacy is that the destination is the goal. And then you discover the routine you've been in for quite a while has become the source of some of your best memories, and you can't quite remember when the repetition took hold and became part of who you are. It starts with a decision to try something new: Softball team. Scuba diving. Tennis. Running. Hiking. Dancing. Bowling league. Game night. Then, you must have faith in the fact that your enjoyment of the thing you're doing warrants a return to that thing. Then you must not be afraid to make... Continue reading

Occasionally, I decide to stop drinking. Today, 17 days into a streak of sobriety, I can't remember why I'd ever start again. Anxiety attacks have stopped, my mood is more predictable, my energy level throughout the day is consistent...I wake up happy. I wake up happy. Weird how that works. Stop drinking (delicious hoppy) poison every day, start feeling better. I'm more productive, more creative, more focused. I like people more, I find the positive angle on things, I'm better equipped to deal with setbacks in life or at work. I'm also eating well. No bread, no white foods, no... Continue reading

-Dusting this place off. We'll see. -We moved. More space and a pool, which has made me never want to leave my house. In the best way. Life is good, so what's missing? Artistic expression? - I miss writing, but it feels clunky. Like when you haven't worked out in a couple of years and you walk back into a gym and look around and want to just leave because why bother? It'll never work. This is me stepping back on the treadmill in not cool gym clothes and a full sized towel because my workout towels are long gone... Continue reading

Let them mess up the house. Enjoy even the crying. Walk around the block at their pace. Answer them all the way. You are their life. Make them yours. Live the way you want them to live. Learn as they do. Listen. You're not perfect. That's okay. Be present now. You'll miss this later. Continue reading

As I thaw out from a couple of months of drowning creativity with self-indulgence, my synapses refire to remind me of who I prefer to be. Anyway. I've been thinking a lot about art and creating and what the trick is to do it right. I wonder if the golden rule of art is to ignore the audience. Write, produce, create what matters only to yourself, and see if people care. Ignore those it is lost on, worry not about whether the majority approves, apologize for nothing. Of course, easier said than done. But on stuff that is entirely personal... Continue reading

If you got here via search, you're probably me last week. I put off learning about Bitcoin for over a year. Finally, after my friend suggested I do myself a favor and buy into this new crypto-currency before it's too late, I did some research. I'm not last to the party, but I'm last among the In...

If you got here via search, you're probably me last week. I put off learning about Bitcoin for over a year. Finally, after my friend suggested I do myself a favor and buy into this new crypto-currency before it's too late, I did some research. I'm not last to the party, but I'm last among the Internet people I know. In the real world, it's still an underground movement. So here's the very quick version. Bitcoin is an alternative to a government based currency. It is not traded on the NYSE, nor is it protected by the FDIC, nor any... Continue reading

When I was a younger blogger, and by that I mean back when having kids was a novelty for me, I wrote about them here. I recounted tales of outings and adventures, gloated about new parenting experiences, and shared photos as a kind of proof of my written words. This was in 2005, back when blogging was a thing. Now, I wonder. Was it fair to mark their lives here, without their approval? Was it all right to post punched up tales of our lives, using them as main characters in a narrative that is undeniably self-serving? I struggle with... Continue reading