Loosely basing his piece on the Megan Fox/Diablo Cody film Jennifer's Body, William Leith argues that teenage girls hold all the power in high school, as they mature faster than boys do (this is called puberty), moving on to "painted nails and cigarette lighters and high heels and make-up bags" and "boyfriends with cars and jobs and money," while "geeks" like Leith continue to play with frogs and build forts in the woods. "I remember this moment exactly," Leith pouts, "All the girls you know seem to have become ten years older; they hang around with boys who look like men, which makes you feel even more of a kid."

In a piece that reads like something the class geek who became a bitter multimillionaire would read in a film based on a high school reunion, Leith then describes how he and his immature friends continued building forts and catching frogs while the girls ignored them and, you know, had lives of their own and adventures of their own, and waxes poetic about his dumb bonding adventures with the lads and how they all came out of the summer as grown men—the type the girls would finally notice.

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It was then, Leith concludes, that he realized that being older meant that he could have whatever he wanted. "Soon, you will be one of the older guys," he writes, "The girls will no longer be out of your league. In fact, as you get older, there won't be a woman shortage - there will be a man shortage. Yes, you'll be sitting pretty. As a man, you'll get paid more, you'll be able to have children at any age, and you won't even have to get pregnant. Sounds too good to be true, doesn't it? If only we'd known."

In other words, Leith hit puberty and his douche switch was flipped to "on." Apparently, in Leith's view, young women also maturing due to natural processes were just power hungry things out to make young men feel bad about themselves who had no idea of the comeuppance that awaited them: thousands of years of male privilege in action! What a revelation!

I honestly have no idea what the point of this article is supposed to be. Does Leith want sympathy for being a so-called "geek" who had really good friends and good memories and ended up realizing that he is always a step ahead due to the penis in his pants? Is he trying to shame the teenage girls he grew up with for not paying attention to him (gasp!) and daring to mature at their own pace and live their own lives, regardless of how it affected him? Or is this entire thing just another excuse to remind women that some men will always take pleasure in rubbing their misogynistic bullshit in their faces? I believe it's a combination of the three. I'm sure Leith thought this whole thing sounded pretty clever, as opposed to smug and misogynistic. Oh, dear. If only he'd known.