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The Fine Art of Fellatio — Oral Sex for Him

This article is for women who would like to improve their skills at fellatio and is a companion piece to a recent article that I wrote called ” The Art of Cunnilingus — Oral Sex for Her“. And it’s for men who would like to have their partner be better at it by being able to communicate better or by simply having her read this article.

Most men love oral sex. This is not news. Most like to give and pretty much all like to receive. For many, having a women perform fellatio on them is their favorite thing. Caroline and Charles Muir, the godparents of American tantra, talk about it as “honoring his lingham.” A truly beautiful idea. (Lingham is Sanskrit for penis.)

I’ve interviewed many men so I could have accurate information for my workshops. The thing that seems most important is enthusiasm. No teeth comes second, and technique third. Even when I asked gay men (I figured who would be better able to tell me) they also said enthusiasm. Imagine how it would be to have someone down there when you knew they didn’t want to be.

Some women just can’t bring themselves to do it, some do it begrudgingly and some enjoy it but don’t want him to ejaculate in her mouth, or swallow.

I’ve spoken to many women who don’t want to do it because they’re insecure about what to do and how well they do it.

This article will help.

When a woman is performing fellatio on a man, if she’s self-conscious, she’ll feel as if she’s on stage. There’s nothing else going on but what she’s doing to him. Plus, she knows how much men like it, so that adds pressure of fearing that she’s not doing it “right”. So, for them, it’s easier to avoid it all together.

Some women may be offended by the way a man smells or tastes. Possibly he needs to be more thorough when he bathes. Some women don’t like the taste of semen. There might be some dietary changes he can make. I’m told if a man eats a lot of beef this can affect his taste in a negative way. If a man has a partner who wants to pleasure him but doesn’t like the way his semen tastes, try different dietary changes and maybe you can solve the problem.

When a man receives fellatio he’s generally extremely grateful. If a woman swallows his semen, he looks at it as a huge honor. Don’t ask me why because no man could really explain it. If you can learn to truly enjoy the whole process, you’ll have an unbelievably happy man on your hands. Remember, number one, enthusiasm. For women who enjoy giving their partner this ultimate pleasure, here are some pointers.

First of all, be sure you’re comfortable. The best way that his penis fits into your mouth is if you sit between his legs and lean over him. This also allows him a good view. Most men find watching adds a lot of pleasure to what you’re doing. It’s not about whether you’re doing it right, he just likes the visual stimulation.

No matter what you’re doing, except grimacing, he’s going to love watching you. If you can show that you’re really enjoying pleasuring him, he’ll be even more excited. So let him know you’re enjoying it as much as he is. Make noises, look at him with passionate eyes, and treat his penis as if it’s the most important thing in the world. To him, at this moment, it is.

There’s more to a man’s sexuality than his penis, however. Before even touching his penis, tease him by tickling with light feather strokes and kissing his chest, his belly, his hips, his inner thighs, moving closer but not yet touching him.

Let him get turned on by the idea that, “Maybe, oh gawd, maybe she’s going to take me in her mouth.”

When you get there, barely brush across his penis as if by accident as you kiss and stroke all around it. If you have long hair, drag it across him. Now kiss or lick his penis lightly, then move away.

When you do move to touching his penis directly, your frame of mind should be of honoring and making love to this amazing organ of pleasure. You’re giving him a kind of pleasure that compares to nothing else. If his penis isn’t hard yet, hold it gently in your hand and put your mouth completely around it, all the way to the base.

Swirl your tongue around it, especially the head. Then, pull it slowly out of your mouth, as you suck on it. Do this a few times. The sensation for him is generally enough to get him hard right away. (Try not to let it pop out of your mouth because the noise your mouth makes could cause him to lose his arousal, or for both of you to laugh. Not good for the mood of the moment.)

As an aside, a soft penis can be quite enjoyable for both of you. We have this idea that sex only happens with a hard-on. Some of the best lovemaking occurs with a soft-on. Okay, back to our topic. Now that he’s hard, do a variety of things, mixing them up, surprising him with new thrills. Use your hand to hold him up most of the time so your mouth doesn’t get tired.

When you do find your jaw getting tired, take him out of your mouth, kiss and swirl your tongue around the tip, lick up and down the outside of his shaft, especially that ridge on the back, lick his testicles, his scrotum. Make it pleasurable for you both.

Don’t forget that you’re making love to his penis and let go of the goal that you’re just trying to get him to orgasm. This is about savoring the experience, for both of you.

Put him deep into your mouth once in a while, but not all the time. And you don’t have to be a Linda Lovelace. The shaft is not as sensitive as the head. Move up and down, varying the speed, rhythm, and depth. If you use slightly more pressure around his shaft as you’re pulling away from him, it feels good because it follows the natural flow of semen and pulls the blood more into his shaft, which is what makes him hard and feels really good.

1. Coregasms:

More women (and even a few men) are having "spontaneous" orgasms at the gym, says Astroglide's Resident Sexologist Dr. Jess. It's possible that these surprising waves of pleasure are connected with contraction and release of pelvic floor muscles, but we still have lots to learn. Experienced coregasm-ers say that cycling/spinning, abdominal exercises and climbing poles are ropes can bring them to climax and offer an extra incentive to hit the gym.

2. Brain-gasms:

"These are relatively rare, but I’ve met two women who learned to think themselves off," says Dr. Jess. One combined fantasy with pelvic floor contractions and the other explained that she could use fantasy to reach orgasm with no physical stimulation whatsoever. Researchers are beginning to study this experience in the lab (using MRI technology), but it is unlikely that most women can themselves how to have a brain-gasm.

3. Sleep-gasms:

"These are among my favorite type of orgasm, as they require no emotional or physical effort whatsoever!" says Dr. Jess. You cannot control your "nocturnal emissions", but you may find that you are more likely to enjoy sex dreams that lead to orgasm when you fantasize before falling asleep.

4. Sneezegasms:

Orgasm is the reflexive release of muscle tension. A sneeze is a micro-expression and is very similar. It is best to focus on similarities between the sensations you experience after a sneeze and the way you feel after orgasm, says Patricia Johnson, co-author of Partners in Passion, Great Sex Made Simple, Tantra for Erotic Empowerment, and The Essence of Tantric Sexuality. It may take some practice.

5. Keglegasms:

"People often think of working the pubococcygeal muscles as nothing more than an exercise for strengthening the pelvic floor, but doing Kegels in a rhythm that mirrors your typical orgasm can be an excellent way to trigger one," says Johnson. When you are first learning to generate the response, it may be helpful to self-pleasure at the same time. With practice, you're likely to start experiencing intense pleasure hands-free.

6. Thoughtgasms:

Some people have the capacity to induce orgasm by thinking themselves off, but even in those who do not have this ability, thinking about orgasm activates some of the same brain regions as actually having one, says Mark Michaels, co-author of Partners in Passion, Great Sex Made Simple, Tantra for Erotic Empowerment, and The Essence of Tantric Sexuality. This highlights what is possible if you can make a concerted effort to create or reinforce pleasurable associations and more specifically erotic or orgasmic ones.

More women (and even a few men) are having "spontaneous" orgasms at the gym, says Astroglide's Resident Sexologist Dr. Jess. It's possible that these surprising waves of pleasure are connected with contraction and release of pelvic floor muscles, but we still have lots to learn. Experienced coregasm-ers say that cycling/spinning, abdominal exercises and climbing poles are ropes can bring them to climax and offer an extra incentive to hit the gym.