I only have 3 kids (found out what caused that and stopped right away) but I can soo relate to your list. I have a few of my own, like: "Did you poop on the sliding board?" "Stop wiping buggars on your sister" "Is there a reason all my tampons are in the toilet?" Thanks for the memories, and the laughs every day.

Dawn as always you make us smile!! Pink pickles? Never heard of them! I did once have a pink poodle! My little girl and I died her for preschool show and tell with koolaide!! Katie was the hit of school after that!!

Dear DawnI love the list. It reminds me of one of your older blog entries, July 2 where you list something like 41 things I would not have known had I not had kids. I laughed so hard I had tears coming down my face. And then I read the "Harry Potter?" from July 1, then I really laughed hard. The picture is priceless. Those were my favorites of all you have written , although it was very hard to pick!Thanks for the laughs and God bless,Elaine

I've never left a comment on a blog before, but I just have to on yours. I have 5 kids, ages almost 3-9, so I think you and I might somehow be on the same page. And reading your blogs....I just love it!!!! The craziness, the messes, the destruction, the insanity!!! I read your tales and want to sit down with you for coffee to tell you mine! Here's a scary thought....let's get together, and our combined 11 kids could whoop it up together!!! Uh...scary thought!

Anyways...I'm not sure where in Northern Illinois you are. I live in Sycamore, and would just love to have a mommy2many friend around here. I know you must be so completely busy, and run over with requests to hang out with you and such. But anyways....I think you're great and inspiring and funny. So if you ever find yourself so bored that even a challenging Sudoku puzzle can't suffice...uh crap, like that would ever happen to a mother of 6!!! You're awesome...let's hang out!

ROFL! Loved the list, Dawn. The butter in the carpet sounds familiar, except that I was shrieking like a fishwife at my toddler son and toddler nephew, "What would possess you to spray butter [substitute] all over the couches?" The cushions had dozens of puddles of butter on them. What was left in the just purchased 3 pack could be combined to one bottle, and it all happened in the time it took me to put away the rest of the groceries!

It's funny now, but I had to soak the cushion covers in a grease-cutting dishwashing liquid to get it off. Which caused billions of bubbles to foam up out of the washing machine all over the garage floor. The greasy spots were gone, but since that day, there are some cushion covers that are darker green than others between the set of matching couches.

Okay so I bet you have said all of those (or the majority) in one day, haven't you?There's just one statement that you may have forgotten (or maybe you haven't totally lost your mind yet).... "OMG! I turned into my mother!" I said that recently but I figured it was better to come to grips with it at an early age (26) than keep having to hear my best friend pound me over the head with it every time I start belting out a song in the middle of a conversation. (I love musicals and I am apparently determined to make my life one. Who says I can't be the next "Judy Garland"? "Clang clang went my dishes. Ding ding ding went my time. Zing zing zing went my heartstrings when I started to open my bills...")So, Dawn, be blesed this day and many more!~Camille~

I've only just started reading your blog (last few weeks) as you notoriety somehow managed to reach all the way down under. (nz)anyway, nice list. I find myself saying all manner of irrational things to my kids which are sounding increasingly like my mother!

Something I thought I would never say is "go down to the creek and play in the mud". They were bored, I'd had enough of them whinging, it was summer, when they came home later, covered in mud, we all had a great time hosing each other off in the backyard. It soon became a regular pastime with many of their friends joining in. I always made sure their mothers knew where they were going and what they would be doing, in case they had to go home and change into their tattiest old rag clothes first.

I just found you yesterday after reading the article in the Post Dispatch. It's like we are family! Thank you for writing, and so well at that! I loved the "names" blog! My H and I disagree on many things, but it took us all of five minutes to agree on a name for each of our four children. Go figure!

Oh, wow! I can so identify! Around here we talk of the day that, while I was in the bathroom (and WHY do these thing always happen during the 32 seconds we take to empty our bladders?), my older son (about 3 at the time)calmly announced, "Mommy, Gavin's bluuueee...." in that (annoyingly) cute way he had of letting you know that bad things were happening, but you shouldn't be TOO concerned about them. Now, seeing as I'm an EMT, you can imagine just what I thought THAT meant!! I come flying out of the bathroom to see that yes, indeed, the boy was VERY blue...his toes were blue....his legs were blue...his hands were blue...his arms were blue...his face was blue...his tongue was blue...his HAIR was blue!! Seems he'd decided to taste and test the "non-toxicity" of a blue marker. He drooled blue for a week!

So now, around here, one of the many things I'd thought I'd never say is, "Whaddya mean BLUE?!?!"

Obviously the dog was skating in the yogurt with the kids. I read an article about you in the paper yesterday and had to come read your blog. Wow! You are hilarious and I, for one, can't wait to buy your book. Now all you have to do is write it, right? But please do -- you are the funniest thing I've read since Erma Bombeck.

As a young woman, I swore that when I had children, I would always explain things and never answer, "Because I said so!" Until I met my wise husband. He informed me that it is a perfectly acceptable thing to say, and is necessary so the kids learn that you obey authority just because it's authority, not because the authority has some terrific reason. (Which child-logic can always find a way around, anyway!) Fun posts. Love 'em!

Although, our number one thing I never dreamed of saying is "where are my ceiling fan blades????" Apparently, one (or more) of our children decided to hang from the ceiling fan (they still haven't fessed up). All but 2 blades are missing. Only thing I can guess is "whoever" climbed up on our bed, thinking they could ride the fan (they're thrill seekers).

Dawn, I had something happen to me that I don't know if you have dealt with but you could make so funny. How in the heck do you get toothpaste ALL OVER the bathroom? Basically from the top of the ceiling down to the floor!!! I am having #7 in a while and only those with bigger families truly understand and have been in your shoes!! Keep us sain with your humor!!!

A friend passed your links to me through an email, and I have thoroughly enjoyed the reading...I love your humor. IF...you ever get time (bwaaa ha ha ha)stop by and say hi www.meowypurrrfect.blogspot.com sometimes the language is alittle harsh, the stories will leave you agape...but its my place to vent...keep the laughs coming...I only have one child (soon to be 16) so I can only imagine what your days are like!!!

Your a hoot! My eight year old sone has figured out how to save your baby's picture as the background for our computer. I have no idea when he did this or how he figured it out but she's there - for us to laugh at every time we all look at the screen. I agree with Angie's comment about "because I said so!" We all want to explain why we tell them not to do things but after so many "but why?" comments from the kids - I break down. :-) I had my oldest daughter read your blog from yesterday but I am SO guilty of getting everyone's name wrong. I wanted to show her - I'm not the only one! She laughs and laughs when I call her the wrong name.

My daughter told me the other day that Fishy, her beta, needed a bath. I tried to explain that Fishy is in water therefore does not need a bath but with a 2 1/2 yr old mind it just didn't click. I just hope I don't look in the bowl one day and see soap!!!

Does it make my (5 year old girl and 7 year old boy) kids REALLY bad, if I have said 19 of your 20? No pink pickles, though our 55 gallon fish tank turns green if you add a whole bottle of food coloring. And, ours was a chipmunk not a squirrel.

Thanks for all the laughs, your writing, sense of humor, and abilit to appear sane is an inspiration to moms everywhere!

My personal favorite is #4. I can definitely picture that being said and .. oh wait.. I"VE said it too! I only have 2 so it has nothing to do with number of children just the number or pairs of scissors you have floating around the house.

salt seems to work for getting out most stains. Put it on while the stain is still wet, let it dry in and then brush off, now the trick is to find a way of letting it dry in with all the kids jumping around the place...mind you you've probably heard all these tips before...

I once said "The crayons need to go to sleep" to a child who wouldn't go to bed for me while babysitting. Now that is something I never thought that I would say.

That was cute. I have a blog all about my kids if you want to check it out sometime. When I started blogging I started about the kids. The most fustrating things seemed funny after you wrote it out .I just started one here,but the ones I have saved on my computer I lost so from now on im printing for furture use.You know when the kids grow up and get onto their kids about something .I can throw at them .. Well you did it to and show them the proof! (wink)Loved the skating on the floor with yogurt. When my 3rd son was a toddler he tried it with ketchup !He couldnt understand why mom was annoyed with him?I mean really he was only playing in ketchup !With kids theres never a dull moment and your always learning something new .I enjoy reading your blog .Your ebay listing was posted on a moms group everyone got a real good laugh out of it on the board .

Cute!! :) This made me laugh. Sadly, "because I said so" is more to my husband than to my daughter. :P

I'm dreading her growing up - I expect that I'll be saying several of these things as my two year old daughter gets older (& more adventurous/defiant/etc).

Your blog is amazing - when I have a bad day at work (or at home), I love coming here & reading this. It makes me laugh. I only have one child (a two year old terror) & I get frustrated going to the grocery store with just her...I cannot imagine six kids. You (& others like you) are really Super Mom! :)

I have said some of those things myself. No, fish don't take baths, why? It's a little late to be asking that one. I almost fall out of my chair when I read most of your posts. I was telling my sister (who has 9 kids) about your blog and she said nothing fun like that happens in her household. She is just soooo boring!!Keep the humor going!!

- We don't stand on the kitchen table. (at 9 mo. old)- Why are you on the Barbie house? (standing on 2nd floor of Barbie house at 11 mo. old)- Why is the Barbie jeep upside down? (flipped upside down, in the ditch, both children still "buckled" in velcro seatbelts).- Yes son, scissors will cut an electrical cord. (evidenced by the severed cord)- No, we don't pee in the Wal-Mart parking lot.

And I'm sure there's many more I'm forgetting.

One from my daughter...- We don't yell at God sweetie. (after she was hollering Jesus! over and over-stated she was yelling b/c he was not listening).

Wow! I love your blog! A friend of mine e-mailed me your e-bay tirade about shopping with your kids because I have 6 kids too and I soooooo know what you are going through. My oldest is 17 though... just you wait until hormones hit your brood enmass! I'm sure I'll be reading on a regular basis.

blogger just ate my long comment! Anyway here it is again:No. 6: When I was 4-years old, I took my brother's blanket and put it around my neck like a cape. Then I proceeded to the top of the long staircase (15-17 steps) and waited for my mom to show up at the bottom of the steps. When she did, I hollered "Mom, look, I can fly!" and jumped off the top of the steps. I remember going up and coming down but really nothing else. My mom said she freaked out, drop the tray of food she was holding to protect my head as I landed. She said I was crying really loud. I did not know if it was because I was hurting or because I realized I couldn't fly.

The pink pickles were kool aid pickles right? What is funny is that I just saw on the food network Alton Brown eating Kool Aid pickles on his Feasting on Asphalt show. Apparently they are a standard thing somewhere along the Mississippi.

Dawn, I want you to know that your blog is a highlight of my day! I am/was having "one of those days" with my beloved eight children and to the point of tears when I clicked on your blog. (I have no business doing this as I have SO much to do, but I needed it!) Your top ten (twenty) list is just what I needed. Number one made me snort, gasp and laugh. THANK YOU so much. Please keep it up and I can't wait for your book! God bless you, Liz in Lincoln, NE

Oh, I needed this after the breakfast table was abrubtly cleared due to the fact of one of my 6 children, threw up. One thing I have been saying a lot lately is "Why did you pee in your brother's room?"

Oh Dawn, when is the book coming out and may I please, pretty please, be one of your test readers? You are hysterical.

I have a funny story to share. When I was three my mother left my brother in charge and went to the store. When she returned, there I was sitting at the piano bench with the remains of a banana in my hand and surveying the beauty of my handiwork all over the piano keys. All my mother could ask in a pained and agonized voice was, "Why, why, why?" And I replied, with all the wisdom my three year old mind could muster, "Because you didn't tell me not to."

Yeah, you guessed, that's the last thing I heard as my mother went out the door for the next ten years. "And DON'T smash bananas in the piano." Sheesh, like I was going to forget!

When my brothers were toddlers, my mom told one of them, "don't play with the saw; here play with the ax." He was playing with a real saw (not quite sure how he got it), so my mom wanted him to go play with his plastic firefighter ax.

I don't know if you got all the butter out of the carpet and if you did you can disregard this comment

I was thinking that when I got candle wax on my carpet once someone told me to put down a brown paper bag and then iron it outwhen the wax melts the paper soaks it up so I thought maybe that would work for the butter

I found your blog via your ebay ad. I'm thoroughly enjoying reading it and agree with other commenters that you really should write a book!! Your humor reminds me of Erma Bombeck. I think any publishing house would JUMP at a manuscript from you. I know with 6 kids you're probably thinking 'where would I find the time' so why not start by printing out your blog and sending it in?

Because i said so! i swear it always comes down to this one! never knew yogurt can be used in the same ways as pudding does around my house! My kids won't eat yogurt or anything else that I say its yummy try some! even if i don't say that they still won't touch it! so tell me what your secret is. or do they play with more than they eat it? that must be it right? lolgreat list!! i would add to it but my list would be just like yours just place pudding where it says yogurt.

When I was a kid I convinced my younger sister she could fly (after a month of talking her into it). She finally go brave enough to do it and climbed to the top of a dresser stepped off, flapped her arms and landed on the floor face first. My dad came running to see what shook the house and my sister was laying there groaning and said nothing she fell out of bed. Her bed was the opposite of the room. When he questioned me I said I was trying to sleep and she wanted to fly. After that we always heard and no flying from the tops of furniture.

I have one " Don't lick furniture!" My 3 year old daughter spilled coke and she thought ( I mean why doesn't it make perfect sense) to lick it up. She admitted it unabashedly I must say. I had dusted (which I rarely do) a couple days before that so I ask you...another question I never thought I'd ask myself..Is it safer to lick dust or furniture polish?...mmmmm

They never had an argument to that one and it always made us giggle. As they got older I would just say "Cause I'm mean and rotten" and they would finish the sentance "I know, and you hate me" We love the looks on peoples faces!

So funny. Love the dog comments. After a very long day I climbed into bed, my dog followed, stealing "daddy's" spot. I noticed something in his fur. The dog and I headed back downstairs to find scissors. I sat on the kitchen floor at midnight cutting silly putty out of the dogs fur.

As for words ecaping lips my husband came home one night and asked, "why does the dog have pink stripes?"

Not only did I laugh out loud at your list, but I laughed at so many of the comments, too.

I'm only 2 years and 2 kids into this whole MOTHERHOOD thing, and I'm already surprised at how many, "I never thought I'd say THAT" moments I've had. Either that or, "Wow! I sound just like my mother!"

I love your blogs!!! I am reminded of my kids when they were small. Once, I walked into the living romm and found that my 3 year old son had army men and tampons scattered all over the room. When I asked what he was doing with the tampons....he said they were missiles!!! He is 17 now, and they are still referred to as missiles in our house.....Thank you so much for eliciting all those memories for me....I am beginning to live vicariously through your blogs...

Thank you for giving another mother of six hope that she isn't crazy and the only one that goes through this stuff. You are a breath of fresh air in the middle of the chaos I call my family :)Thanks for your thoughts! You are an amazing writer. I can relate to all that you say, as I'm sure many moms do as well."keep smiling...it keeps them wondering."

ROFLMAO i have been reading your blog for awhile now and i had to comment on this because here's one i had never thought i would say, that was not on your list, Why is your brother in the dryer? and my favorite, Why did you let your brothers put you in the dryer? Why would you think that is fun? I have 3 boys, ages, 14,9,and 12 and i swear sometimes that movie Jackass is about my kids:) Any way thanks for brightening my day with your blogs.

It's really bad when I can't even read your blog in the school library. I get looks from the other students when I am laughing out loud and almost rolling on the floor wiping tears from my eyes. If you quit this blog, I'll find you and sit on your doorstep until you start it again. You are the best for this mom and her drama. It's much better reading your drama than living mine.

Ahhh, when I was six, I had an SRM(Sudden realization moment). I suddenly realized that Superman could fly because he was an alien, not because he wore a cape. Red pillow case, top the shed out back....you do the math.

I don't tend to leave comments but wanted you to know that I've loved reading all the stuff you've written. I sit here laughing and laughing and I'm sure my 2 1/2 yr old thinks I'm nuts. I'm a single parent of and moody, snotty, roll of the eyes, sucking of the tongue, 15yr old garbage disposel sonand a crazy haired, hyper active(just her nature lol), fear of nothing, never walk only run 2 1/2 yr old daughter. I think I'm going crazy at times and here you have six bundles of, would joy be the right word to describe them lol. I thought of one that I never thought I'd hear myself say to anyone yet found myself saying quite often to my daughter last summer.

Please Don't Eat The Bugs!

Child would pop em in like candy lol. Well at least she was getting some form of protein I guess lmao.

Thank you so much for posting and letting me know that I am not alone! I am a single mom to two monst... I mean wonderful boys ages 5 and 6. My father passed your ebay ad on to me, saying it sounded so much like my life I just had to read it. And then proceeded to call me every hour at work until I was able to open it and read. I was laughing out loud and it felt great. Thank you for brightening my day and helping me feel not so alone in the battle.

Dawn,Those are hillarious! it's also funny to think about the things the kids say too...for instance, my son Joshua handed me a toy cow one day and said, "Mom, could you wash my cow?" It was just the way it was said and the way it came out that totally made me laugh. Thanks again for the good times.Tami

I don't know if you'll ever get my comment, but I wanted you to know I love reading your blog! You've had me crying from laughing so hard. This list is great. I've had those moments too, of not believing what I'm saying. "Please stop using marker on your teeth" comes to mind...

Two things I never thought I'd say..."Why is there blue playdough stuck up your nose?" And "If I have to stop this car...", and I said that just yesterday to my husband who was annoying me while I was driving!! (And my children are both in their 30's!!)

BWAH HA HAHA HA HAAA! I am sad to say that I have uttered a few of these! You havn't lived until something that doesn't belong there has been flushed down the toilet!!! (ours was a bar of soap that led the entire toilet being replaced)

I got an email to the Ebay ad for the Pokeman cards and just had to follow it here. I love the things that I've read so far. Please know that you have my good thoughts to help get you through the day with all your kids. I only had one to raise and sometimes that seemed to be too much, let alone six.

Those are hilarious! My husband and I started noticing the strangest things coming out of our mouths, so we kept a list. Some of our favorites:Don't put your toothbrush in the toilet.Don't put your head in the pretzel bag.Don't drive your racecar on your sandwich.Don't hit the rolls with a lightbulb.Don't breathe on Mama's grapefruit.You must be wearing underwear to help in the kitchen.

Hmmm...I feel a blog post coming on! If it actually makes it to the page I'll be sure to link back to you! :)

Another great post! :-) Just today I had to interrupt my almost-9-year-old son's grand plans and explain to him that no matter how great he thought his idea was ... he would NOT be able to FLY!! PLEASE, under NO circumstances, please, please, please do not try it! I tried to think of every scenario I could just to cover my bases ... but sure as he's male (and I'm not), I'm positive I forgot something and he'll have to consider it some more. Yikes!

a few to add:"stay away from jaguars. they will eat you.""what is on top of the ceiling fan??""how did your brother get oatmeal in his hair?" (said brother was 1 month old at the time, or it wouldn't have been unusual)"get out of the fish tank!!!"

Oh my gosh, I've got another one! My 13-year-old told me proudly yesterday, "Mom, did you know that I'm still small enough to fit in the deep freeze?" Hmm. I didn't ask why he would try to fit himself in the deep freeze, but I did ask if he tried it. He said yes. :)

When I was younger me and my brother who is 18 months older than I gave the cat a "bath" in maple syrup. Mom loved that one almost as much as when we shampooed each others hair in peanut butter!She still talks about it to this day 30 years later

You have no idea how much I needed this...I have been having the hardest time with my Daughter and I have to tell you that whenever I read your blog I think to myself, Now I know I am not alone! THANK YOU!

This is EXACTLY how my blog got its name...I had to decide between "Don't drool on my blue suede shoes" which I said when my oldest was 6 months old. Or "is that a raisin on the floor, or a roach?" Ah, symantics.

Hahaha I love it! This sounds just like my house but I only have 4 kids lol. I have 3 boy's ages 12, 10, and 6, then my only girl is 2. Everything I have read from you here (and on E-Bay) sounds like everything I go through with my kiddo's. Gratz on the fame btw:) It couldnt have hapened to a better person in my opinion. If you get around to it I'll tell you some of my stories haha like when my oldest son was an infant and pooped all over me just as my now ex husbadn and I had to go to a deal for the Army lol. Or when my second son put styrofoam up his nose at Christams time and we spent half of our day at the hospital to have it removed because we didn't know what it was haha catch ya later :) AmandaSynndillwow1@gmail.com

Thanks to morning sickness that has lasted all day for 17 weeks, I've finally had to get help with my housework. My housekeeper found a piece of petrified string cheese behind a chair in our family room. I immediately thought of you and the hotdog and died laughing. Thanks for sharing all the silliness in your household.

One of my favorite things to ever escape my lips was while in a leather store telling my 14 month old son "Don't let your knives touch the coats". Um...yeah...I let him play with plastic forks and knives...

OH MY! I thought I was the only one!! I have 6 children too, and reading your blog......I feel like I am reading my OWN! You are awesome! But....then...the humbleness in me, I feel like 6? MY! I have it MADE!! So many of my friends, family have at least 8 or more children, and seem to be always smiling...making it look such a breeze! I ONLY have 6!

I've got several things that I never thought I'd have to hear myself say but the one that tops the list is:"Get your penis off the police car!" It sounds a lot worse than it really was. My son (I believe he was 3 at the time) was playing with some Matchbox cars and for some reason he stripped naked and, well, put his penis on the police car. He's a strange, strange child!!!! LOL!

As many others have already commented, I absolutely love your blog. I first heard about you from my mom, she emailed me the ebay/pokemon listing, she thought I could relate, I have 4 children; 15, 13, 7 & 2, so I can relate. now about the 20 things you never thought you would say, here is mine, "How do you clean your two year old who is covered from head to toe with an entire tube of A&D Ointment"? Now remember, it's the ointment, not the cream. Let's just say, it's really water and soap proof and she smelled like it for daaaaaaaaaaaaays!!! This all happened because I only wanted 5 more minutes of sleep...see what happens when mommy closes her eyes for 5 mnutes!!

I LOVED this list! and I just had to read through all the comments too, which were just as great. So, to add my top 2:1. We do not put jello on the kittens then hide them in the dryer!2. I don't care if it has poop in it or not, kitty litter does not go in the toilet!