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I saw a documentary on Alzheimers and dementia, on HBO I think. One woman was interviewed who lost her husband to Alzheimers said early on in their relationship they promised each other to not put the other in nursing home. It made it so hard for her with feelings of guilt and betrayal when she had to put him in a home because there was no way she could care for him.

Those kinds of promises are so counter productive and selfish. I made my wife promise to put me in a home if I need it and to not feel guilty. If that is what needs to happen, I do not want her to feel guilty over it.