Second Best
Leaving Scotland under difficult circumstances just two and a half months
after their marriage, Diana and Chögyam Trungpa arrived in the United
States to find American students open and receptive to the Buddhist teach-
ings. Chögyam Trungpa’s rapid rise to prominence as a spiritual teacher
began in a small farmhouse in Vermont then called Tail of the Tiger.
THE MAIN HOUSE at Tail was small, with a living room and kitch-
en on the main floor and several tiny bedrooms. Upstairs, on the
third floor, a somewhat larger room was turned into a meditation
hall. Rinpoche and I were given one of the rooms on the main floor
as our bedroom, in the back. Our bed was a mattress on the floor.
Most of the people who came around in that era, both men and
women, had long hair and were sort of grungy. I continued to wear
the hippie caftans I had brought from England, but I added peasant
blouses, flowing skirts, and the occasional short skirt to my attire.
At the beginning, Rinpoche’s dress was noticeably more conserva-
tive than his students.’ He liked to wear an ascot with a silk shirt, for
example. After a little while, however, he changed his dress a bit to
go along with what other people were wearing. Rinpoche bought
some embroidered Mexican shirts, and he used to wear those. He
also got into a flannel shirt phase for a while.
There was group sitting meditation in the shrine room upstairs ev-
ery morning. I often sat with people, although some mornings I would
sleep in with Rinpoche. There were a lot of late nights. In the evenings,
people would gather in the living room, and Rinpoche and I would
hang out with people for hours. Sometimes he would just talk with
people; sometimes he would give a short lecture in the evening. The ac-
tivity would go on late into the night. Up to this point, to some extent,
I had had Rinpoche to myself, and I had done everything for him—
cooking his meals, washing his clothes, making appointments for him,
and so forth. It was an adjustment to have so many people around all
the time and to have to share him with everyone. Although I sometimes
missed the time we had had alone together, I was fundamentally very
happy to be there—with him and everybody else—and delighted to
see him able to expand and relax so much. He was really launching his
campaign on the American soil.
One time, when we were alone in bed, I was feeling romantic, and
I said to him, “I love you more than anyone in the whole world!” He
replied, proudly, “I really love you too. I love you second best of any-
thing in the world.” I said, “What do you mean, ‘second best’?” Then
he replied, “First I love my guru, and my guru is the buddhadharma.
I’ll always love the dharma more than anything else. But you’ll al-
ways be the thing I love second best. My first commitment isn’t to
being a family man, but to propagating the Buddhist teachings. This
is the point of my life. Hopefully the two things can work together.”
Even in matters of the heart, he was uncompromisingly honest. ♦
priate or not. I simply had this unbelievable connec-
tion with him that felt to me very natural.
I think you can say the proof is in the pudding. I
don’t feel I was exploited because this was not a ca-
sual encounter. This is something that developed into
a deep, meaningful, lifelong relationship. It was not
a frivolous encounter. On the other hand, one can’t
emulate Rinpoche’s life. I think that would be very
dangerous, and I’m certainly not saying that I would
condone 28-year-olds sleeping with 15-year-olds. This
was a special and unique situation with a special and
unique person.
Your first stopping point en route to the United States
was Canada, because you had visa problems. You were
living in modest circumstances but received help from
some of Rinpoche’s American students.
The initial couple of weeks we hadn’t connected with
anyone to help us. We were very, very poor. We lived
in an old studio apartment in the university district of
Montreal and we basically ate only rice. After a couple
of weeks, we connected with students who were able
to help us. These were American students who had
studied with Rinpoche at Samye Ling, and they had
decided to start a practice center in the United States.
This became Tail of the Tiger in Vermont. From your
description, the atmosphere in the early days there was
quite informal. People were dropping in and out at all
hours. Rinpoche was wearing overalls and living very
intimately with his students. Was this difficult for you
at times?
Well, at times that was difficult for me all the way
through, even as the situation evolved over the years.
Rinpoche was very, very patient with his students.
Initially, he met people at their own level at a place
where he could really communicate with them, and
then gradually things evolved. One of the pivotal
points was the visit of His Holiness the Karmapa in
1974, when the mandala Rinpoche created around
him as a teacher changed. Rinpoche had so much
devotion and respect towards His Holiness, and his
students were able to observe that. They began to un-
derstand how they should express their devotion to
Rinpoche, who had never asked for anything like that
for himself.
After you moved to Boulder, Colorado, there was a tre-
mendous evolution of the community in a very short
SHAMBHALA SUN NOVEMBER 2006 45