WWE RAW Results – December 16, 2013

The post WWE TLC edition of WWE RAW opens with the entire WWE roster out on the stage as Triple H’s music plays and Michael Cole welcomes us to the show. In the ring, Triple H and Stephanie McMahon introduce the new WWE World Heavyweight Champion Randy Orton.

Orton makes his way out and the sea of WWE Superstars make way so he can pass through. Orton stops for a moment, notices John Cena and Daniel Bryan on each side of him, smirks, and raises both the WWE Championship and World Heavyweight Championship. Orton enters the ring and says everyone bought into the myth that he’s had everything handed to him in his career. He talks about winning the unification match. Orton tells the Superstars on the stage that he is better than all of them. As Orton continues to speak, Cena cuts him off from the top of the stage by calling him an idiot. Cena tells Orton he’s talked enough and he needs to put up or shut up. Orton says he’s not giving him his rematch tonight. Cena says he’s not talking about himself. Cena is talking about Daniel Bryan. The crowd chants “Yes! Yes! Yes!” Orton says he doesn’t have to listen to Cena, he doesn’t have to listen to anybody. Stephanie cuts him off and says, “except us.” Orton continues to babble as we see Stephanie and HHH whispering something to each other in the background. HHH makes the main event tonight Orton vs. Bryan.

Goldust & Cody Rhodes vs. Big Show & Rey Mysterio

This match was voted on by the WWE Universe prior to RAW, with Big Show and Rey Mysterio winning the poll. The bell sounds and Rhodes and Mysterio start things off. Mysterio beats up Rhodes a bit early on. The match spills out to the floor with Mysterio doing a cool slide under the bottom rope into a splash on Rhodes on the ground. Back in the ring, Rhodes hits Mysterio with a disaster kick for a near fall. Rhodes follows that up with a longly held inverted suplex for another near fall. Rhodes tags in Goldust and Goldust picks up where his little brother left off. The fans chant “you still got it” to Goldust as he continues the attack on Rey-Rey.

Goldust and Mysterio both make tags and Big Show clotheslines Rhodes down to start off their battle. We head to a mid-match commercial. When we return from commercial Big Show is in the middle of man-handling Rhodes. Big Show does the “shush” sign to the crowd and chops Rhodes. Rhodes tries fighting back but Big Show hits him with a big boot to slow him down. Big Show puts a choke on Rhodes that he remains stuck in for quite a bit before dropping down for a jawbreaker on Show to break free. The fans start chanting “we want Goldust” as Big Show continues to control Rhodes in the ring. Big Show hits maybe the loudest chop he’s ever executed in his life on Rhodes that got a huge pop from the crowd and the announcers. Big Show goes for a flying elbow smash off the middle rope but Rhodes moves. Rhodes makes the hot tag to Goldust and the golden one goes nuts on Big Show until Show chokeslams him out of nowhere. Big Show goes for the pin on Goldust but Rhodes breaks it up.

Big Show throws Rhodes out of the ring and dodges a cross-body attempt from Goldust. Big Show hits the KO punch on Goldust and helps Mysterio up to stand on Big Show’s shoulders. Mysterio comes off with a flying splash. 1-2-3. Big Show and Goldust win what I guess was a non-title match.

Winners: Big Show & Rey Mysterio

Bad News Barrett Segment

Justin Roberts introduces “Bad News Barrett.” Barrett bangs on his podium to quiet the fans down. Barrett talks about the lottery. He’s afraid that he’s got some bad news. None of the fans in attendance will win even one cent of that money and will be forced to return to their miserable, lonely lifestyles. He concludes by saying “happy holidays.”

Backstage: The Authority & Randy Orton

Backstage, Triple H, Stephanie McMahon and Kane are talking until Randy Orton comes in complaining about being forced to face Daniel Bryan on RAW tonight. Stephanie reminds Orton that Bryan was almost decimated by all three members of The Wyatt Family only 24 hours ago. She plays to his ego a bit. HHH reminds Orton that he can’t just tell everyone who the champion is, he’s gotta show them why. He tells Orton not to worry because they’ve got his back. Orton storms off.

Fandango vs. Dolph Ziggler

Fandango and Summer Rae make their way to the ring as Michael Cole informs us that after the break, Fandango will battle Dolph Ziggler in a rematch from Sunday night’s WWE TLC Kickoff Show. When we return from commercial, Fandango and Summer are still dancing around in the ring. Ziggler makes his entrance. The bell sounds and off we go.

Fandango punches away at Ziggler early but Ziggler answers back with a huge dropkick. Fandango clotheslines Ziggler out to the floor. Fandango throws Ziggler in the ring as a light “Summer Rae, Summer Rae” chant breaks out. Fandango is in firm control of the offense now as the fans rally behind Dolph with a loud “let’s go Ziggler” chant. Fandango slaps Ziggler in a choke as we get another shot of Summer Rae, who is looking particularly good tonight, standing on the outside. Out of nowhere, Ziggler rolls Fandango up and 1-2-3. Ziggler wins.

Winner: Dolph Ziggler

Big E. Langston & Mark Henry vs. The Real Americans

When we return from commercial, The Real Americans are making their way to the ring. Out next is Big E. Langston, followed by Mark Henry, both of whom we saw walking backstage to the ring as we went into commercial break before this match. The bell sounds and Jack Swagger and Langston start things off in this tag-team match.

Within seconds, Langston blasts Swagger with a huge shoulder tackle, leading him to quickly tag out to Antonio Cesaro. Langston man-handles Cesaro quickly as well, so Cesaro tags Swagger back in. The fans chant “OU Sucks.” Langston tags Mark Henry back in. Henry plays to the crowd by throwing up the Texas Longhorns hand gesture, so they all pop. Henry beats up Swagger a bit and then tags Langston back in. Langston beats up Swagger for a few seconds and tags Henry back in. Lots of quick tags from both teams thus far.

Henry smashes Swagger with his big fat ass and then yells to the fans “that’s what I do,” before quickly tagging Langston back in. Swagger finally starts fighting back and then tags Cesaro in. Langston tags Henry back in. Cesaro punches Henry maybe twice and then tags Swagger in. Man there is a lot of tagging going on. Henry tags Langston back in within seconds as another “OU Sucks” chant breaks out. Swagger tags Cesaro back in. Langston clotheslines Cesaro out to the floor.

Back in the ring, Cesaro beats up Langston for a bit but then Langston regains control. Swagger changes that by yanking Langston out of the ring and stomping him out on the floor as we head to a mid-match commercial. When we return from commercial, Cesaro is beating up Langston as the fans cheer Langston on to make a tag to Henry. Cesaro powers Langston up for a gut-wrench suplex. Very impressive showing of strength by Cesaro. Cesaro tags in Swagger and Swagger picks up where Cesaro left off.

Langston tries fighting back but Swagger cuts him off and tags Cesaro back in. Langston dumps Swagger out to the floor and belly-to-belly suplexes Swagger. Langston and Cesaro are crawling for their corners to make the tag. Langston tags in Henry and Henry runs over Cesaro like a truck. He follows him down and crawl-headbutts him ala the Junkyard Dog. Henry powerslams Cesaro for a near fall that is broken up by Swagger. Cesaro goes for the swing on Henry but Langston tags in and flattens him. He hits the “Big Ending” and pins him. 1-2-3.