Paula's friend Anna-Marie famously once said: "No one ever got laid in a roll neck." Sometimes I think these are the truest, wisest, bravest words that any woman ever uttered. Because no one ever did! V-necks and cardigans, perhaps. Possibly even a crew neck, if the crew-line fell adequately prettily, revealing a cheeky flash of sternum. But never a roll neck. Never never never. Roll necks are contraception in fashion form. Chastity belts wrought in wool.

But then (and yes, I do know what I just said about V-necks etc, but please stick with me) jumpers in general are probably the least sexy proposition in the universe. They are also conceivably the least fashionable. In their very soul, jumpers are simply too concerned with the business of conferring warmth to be compromised by silly aesthetic considerations. As a consequence, I struggle with jumpers. Yet it's cold, isn't it? Really cold. Measures need to be taken to avoid being persistently miserable in the cold. And those measures inevitably involve jumpers.

So I've done some research into the field, bought some jumpers, taken a long, hard look at them, and at me, and at the rest of my wardrobe, and started calculating how the three might be combined to reasonably good effect. Here's what I've discovered:

1) Chunky, oversized knits (very current this season) work when juxtaposed against incredibly short shorts or skirts and opaque tights. The chunky, oversized knitiness de-tartifies the shortness, and the shortness defrumps the COKs (yes, yes, I know. I'm ignoring it).

1a) Cropped COKs are good options; less shroud-like, still warm.

2) Jumpers with stuff going on on the front of them – trompe-l'oeil designs, abstract patterns, animals, words – are also very current this season, and not completely without chic. They need to be worn in combination with the simplest, most elegant pieces imaginable: cigarette pants, razor-sharp black jeans, blazers etc – anything that will diminish the dafter aspects of your look-focus (that'll be the jumper. Do keep up).

3) If you have a coat of sufficient heft, jumpers become irrelevant. Paula alerted me to this fact, and she's right. Furthermore, unlike hefty jumpers, hefty coats are often sexier as a consequence of their heft. I don't know why – they just are.

Whichever jumperish path you decide to follow this winter, do me a favour and abide by this: ABRN. Anything But Roll Neck. Thanks.

POLLY'S STYLE CLINIC

What's the cut-off point in age terms on leopard print? I love it, but I'm scared I'm past it at 42. Couldn't bear to look mutton. TAMSIN, BURTON UPON TRENT

If I achieve one thing in the course of my career as a person who shops a lot, it'll be this: end the scourge of mutton angst. It's a blight upon our looks; the dark fear that stops women venturing out of limiting clothing-comfort zones. Leopard's huge news this season, and it's lovely. Do it. Do it lots, and any way you like. Leopard works on coats, frocks, jeans, ballet flats, whatever. Do it all. Or you'll have me to answer to.