Hi. My name is Clark and this is my blog. My intent is to entertain and I'd like this to be more than "Clark And What Pisses Him Off" (although there will definitely be some of that) so I'll be posting some short humorous fiction as well. I hope you like it.
WARNING: Sometimes I will cuss. And I will also embellish facts (ie: lie) in the interest of making things funnier than they really are. Just so you know.

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

No butts about it

Gone, not forgotten.
By me anyway

Tuesday morning, I fired off this impromptu Twitter monologue...

I feel like history is not going to be kind when it gets a look at some of the t-shirts people are wearing these days.

"Wow, you guys sure did like wings and skulls and flames a lot, huh?"

"Also, why did you guys think it was a good idea to print 'JUICY' on your butts?"

In exactly what social situation is it a good idea to give people something to read via your butt? "Man, this bus ride is boring. Oh wait!"

I know it's the name of the company that makes the pants but your butt is not a billboard or a Kindle.

If you wear the "JUICY" pants, I guess you're probably glad they didn't put it in Braille.

I think if I wanted something printed on the butt of my pants, it would be "THIS SIDE DOWN". In case there was an accident.

I guess what I'm saying is some of your clothes are stupid. (Whistles cheery tune while putting on polo shirt with corporate logo on it)

That's right; what started out criticizing those stupid t-shirts with the dumb tattoo designs on them somehow transitioned over to sweatpants with "JUICY" printed on the butt, which apparently hasn't been a thing since 2001 but I still think is topical because that's how in touch I am with what women wear as clothing.

Which is probably at least part of the reason why I can't find a woman who looks like this

But I know that pants with words on the butt still exist because I know I've seen such things more recently than 2001. For instance, there are shorts with "CHEER" or "BULLDOGS" or "GO COLLEGE" or whatever on them that are worn by cheerleaders. I find that either confusing or ironic because cheerleaders have been forever fighting a battle to be taken seriously and not seen as mindless sex bimbos. Look, I'm sympathetic. I think "slut shaming" is reprehensible and I will defend a woman's right to wear whatever she wants without it being seen as an invitation to crude, unwanted sexual advances... right up until you're upset about somebody staring at your ass while your wearing a garment that demands that people stare at your ass.

CBS Tampa's Most Valuable Blogger Award 2011 Winner

Who's this guy?

Originally from Benton Harbor, Michigan, I have lived in the Tampa Bay area for over 20 years now. I am a published writer with numerous internet columns, magazine articles and a documentary film credit. I've also done professional announcing and acting. I like to make fun of stupid people in positions of authority when they do stupid things. While that implies that I think I'm somehow superior to them, nothing could be further from the truth.