How to Talk about Your Kinky Desires

So you’ve met a great new gal and you’d like to break the news to her that you’re one kinky bastard. Maybe she’s dropped some hints that she’s kinky too, or maybe you just have an overwhelming urge to find out… wait! Before you unpack the whips and chains, you’ll want to be sure to have an in-depth conversation. Springing your kinky desires on an unsuspecting partner can lead to extreme awkwardness and in some cases, outright rejection. You might feel embarrassed and unsure about how to approach the subject of your kinky needs with your partner, but in the end you could end up getting all that you’ve dreamed of and more. Here are a few suggestions for how to break the ice.

Ask Her What She LikesBefore you even start to talk about your own particular fetishes, try to get some idea of hers. This will give you some notion of where she falls on the kink-vanilla spectrum. This may seem like an obvious place to start, but you’d be shocked at the number of times I’ve been taken completely off guard by a partner’s kinky requests delivered right out of the gate. It’s always a good idea to ask lots of questions first, and be sure you’re both at least open to the same things. On the flip side, you need to be willing to answer any questions she might have for you. The idea is to be completely open and honest with one another.

Research Things as a CoupleIf you built up the courage to approach your partner only to be met with a blank stare, it’s time to bring out the computer and share with her the rich and wonderful world of whatever kinky thing you’re into. Try watching some porn together, or even just reading some urban dictionary definitions. It’s really important, though, to be aware of your partner’s comfort level. If she seems disturbed or in any way upset by what she’s learning, stop the investigation immediately and don’t push things any further. Consent is 100% central in the world of kink.

Engage in NegotiationsIf throughout the course of your conversations and investigations you discover that you and your partner are equally game for the kink, your next step is to figure out the exact parameters of your play. In the course of my own research I discovered a great website called The Pervocracy. It offers links to a handy set of worksheets, designed to help you navigate all the important questions regarding limits and safe words. With the proper amount of preparation and communication, you just might be able to enjoy that freaky sex you so desire.

KinkLovers.com is the blog for men and women into BDSM, bondage, fetishes, and dating. We post tips and advice for those interested in meeting other kinky singles with online dating, or anyone who wants to spice up their relationship. Enter the world of Kink Lovers with exclusive articles, polls, site reviews, reader stories and more. If you would like to subscribe to our blog updates which are sent only twice monthly, please subscribe to our newsletter using the form above.