Riding Out My Humiliation Until I Find My Kanye

Before I get into the next date, I thought I’d just clear some stuff up. So if you’re here because you were linked through a news site and don’t know me in real life, you will see that my blog accidentally went viral. By accidentally, I mean a journalist found my last name, took a photo from my instagram (which, admittedly, was public. My bad!) then posted the blog overnight. I probably wasn’t prepared for it to go actually viral otherwise I would have fought harder to have my last name removed and edited more of the grammar on this blog. I said to the journalist who had contacted me at 5.30pm the night before that “It’d be good to have my last name removed just so I can get another job in the future etc etc”. Sadly, it was already off to print and my face was planted on the front page when I woke up the next morning. I was stressed and freaking the night this happened so naturally, I called my ex-boyfriend of three years just so I could be reminded that I wasn’t a big deal, that I was overreacting and that it’ll blow over by the end of the day. Nothing like some inspirational pep talk from your ex ( who came in handy when I needed reminding that no one actually cares about my life).

Thanks, for once I actually needed that reassurance.

Then the day after the first story was released, it happened again but with a follow up story. I had an over the phone conversation with the journalist who was nice but I wasn’t really concentrating on what I was saying as it was 6pm on a Friday night. Remind me to be a bit clearer in the future, but what people probably don’t realise is that I am very well aware and I agree that my life, let alone my dating life isn’t ‘news’ but the story would have gotten enough clicks on the first day that the editor probably wanted to follow it up with a second story. I was just rolling with the punches at this point.

I got a private message from an Australian journalist who asked me a few questions for their website. I agreed since I thought it would be the same story and if I knew about it and was kind of interviewed, surely it would be okay? I actually really liked the article posted, but the comments blew up and people were so outraged by a social experiment “done for the lols of my friends and family” that you would have thought that I had committed a crime ( I did it seems, it was for being a talentless whore). That article is the one that went viral and I had even joked on the Friday to my colleagues that “You’re nobody until the Daily Mail covers it”.

People started accusing me of being self-obsessed and over the weekend I probably have been and that is a reaction to when your dating blog which remember, was initially written for friends and family goes kinda viral. If I injected a bit more insecurity in my posts or if my cleavage wasn’t as prominent in the pictures then perhaps people would have found something else to be mean about. Truth is, this wasn’t meant to be a ground-breaking blog. I said something about this in the beginning about not trying to invent the wheel, for those who bothered to read that far back. You’re damned if you don’t have self-esteem issues and you’re damned if you do.

My teeth are apparently too big for people’s liking, which was probably one of my favourite hate comments. I rung my Mother hungover on Sunday morning declaring that I spent 24 years being insecure about the wrong thing on my face! It truly was a revelation. Thank you internet!

The internet also assumed that I slept with all 30 dates.

Not that everyone really needs to know this but I’ll put simply this into bullet points so that it’s clear cut for those who are deeply concerned that I gave out some STD’s during 30 days of Tinder.

During 30 days of Tinder, I didn’t sleep with, or have sex with any of them… on the first date.

During 30 days of Tinder, I went on second and third dates with some of the 30, which weren’t blogged about as I only wrote about the first date.

I went on 44 dates in 28 days.

I slept with one of the 30 dates, but it wasn’t on the first date.

Can a woman not have sex before she’s married still? Even though most of the 30 knew about the blog before it was posted and were fine with it as they weren’t having their identities revealed, I’m still the talentless irrelevant, self-obsessed nobody who was trying to get my 15 minutes of fame by going on 30 dates of Tinder in 30 days.

So anyway, this would have been a pleasant experience if I was getting paid for the hate and not my small, irrelevant blog on the internet to get cherry picked for someone to make ground-breaking conclusions about the ‘kind of girl I am’. The truth is that no one really cares, but they care enough to feel enraged about or comment about something like a dating blog but probably stay silent on the real issues that go on in the world.

I don’t normally comment on things but just wanted to say I came across your blog through a mutual friend we have and being an ex tinder user myself (now happily engaged to a guy I met on tinder, had to swipe through a lot and go on quite a few dates to find him!) I thoroughly enjoy it. I love your blog and always get a bit excited when a new entry gets emailed to me. So anyway thought you could use some positive comments. Ignore the negative comments they are people with nothing better to do than put others down.

I’ve loved reading all your posts in the last few days, please don’t stop. I’m thinking of joining tinder having come out of a very LTR in the last year. If people are being mean without reading your blog it getting the facts then they’re not worth it 🙂

Fantastic work, Beyoncé. I think it’s crazy that people are actively seeking our your articles just to talk about how it’s not news. Stop clicking then. Don’t these people know that demand drives content?

People always want to hate about something. And it’s funny how someone will read like your entire blog and suddenly be like “OMG This girl is so stupid blah blah”
Well you really cant have been that bad if they spent a few minutes of their lives reading about you. I think your blogs are funny, you’re so honest and that’s the best thing.

Thanks Sarah. I spend all my time telling the blogs I don’t like that I don’t like them. Wait, no I don’t. I have a life. I enjoy your travel blog and the blog you had before that! Handy tips for my trip in a few weeks! I remember reading your valentines day blog about that ex-boyfriend you were always better looking than years and years back and remember thinking how lovely it was then he turned out to be a scumbag!

Loved the blog, saw the article on the Herald and then was shared by a few of my friends. I’ve been in a dating rut recently ( basically haven’t been fucked getting out of bed for a trip longer than to the fridge) and this blog inspired me to download tinder, dust off the cob webs ( and crumbs) and yell the battle cry of the white girl (#yolo) and start swiping. Fuck the h8rz you do you, it sounds like you had a blast, and hopefully I will on my first date on Wednesday. Or not. Stay funny xo

Hi Melissa, it doesn’t matter what you do “haters gonna hate!”. The fact that the media has picked this up is testament to the fact that you’ve done an amazing job with this. You obviously haven’t taken it too seriously and I really admire your fun and engaging writing style 🙂 Worst comes to worst I’m sure you could get a job as a journalist haha! You’re doing a far better job than they are!

Date #11 here, just thought I’d inject an opinion from one of the guys from the dates, for those wondering what the guys’ feelings were about this. My 2c is this: When you’e on Tinder (or just in life) and go on a first date with someone, there is (or should be) zero expectations, be it of a relationship, a follow up date, sex, a kiss, or even of a good time. I wasn’t aware of this blog during our date, but have absolutely no bad feelings toward Melissa for going into the date with the purpose of writing this blog. We had a nice date and both enjoyed it, but nothing followed, and that is fine. Dates aren’t transactions, they’re just two people meeting and enjoying each others company. I’m sure some of the guys written about may not be stoked with the review of their date, but if you’re going to be dodgy or do weird shit, you should probably just reflect on that and try to improve for future dates, rather than be bitter that your awful date didn’t result in getting another one. She hasn’t named anyone or uploaded profiles or photos or anything, so you’re still anonymous, and to be frank, she has probably done you a favour as you were likely oblivious to how much of a creep you are.

I LOVE YOUR BLOG! I did come across it on Stuff.co.nz and spent my entire break on Friday reading it all and i am obsessed! I am in a relationship at the moment but showed my partner and our flatmate (whom is on tinder and is currently looking for your profile as he thinks you are a massive babe 🙂 haha) and they thought it was awesome, you’re literally telling stories of situations we have ALL been through! Keep up the amazing work, can not wait to read more!!

Hi! 🙂 I am on Tinder too, I almost give up to dating someone after a few player. So, when I saw ur news, I think” WOW! 30!! I HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO…However, I really need some Tinder 101 class :(, wish u can talk about ur ” TINDER CODE” something we should avoid on tinder…I met someone just help them as a friend. That make me feel really happy. May be tinder is not a good place to find a friend but ur story make it likely. Wish to hear from u. Greetings from Vicki in Taiwan.

You go gurllll!!!! Preach it!!!! I noticed that you deleted my comment that I posted on your story of your first date. Can’t handle a bit of criticism hey? Happy to dish it out on the guys you go on dates with but can’t deal with any heading your own way? Poor thing.

Damn imagine if this is your daughter, wife, mother. Her future kid googling their mum’s name and reading about her copious one night stands, flings, hooking up with multiple guys in the same night. How easy she is. Damn feel sorry for them.

Lets hope she’s raised in an open society. I still don’t see the problem with one night things although I must admit I don’t do them very often. But if I did, is it really that shameful when it’s between two consenting adults?

Many guys are okay with women who have had sexual relationships with more than one man and in fact studies have shown that they…. wait for it… even marry them. One day Hugh you might understand why no one cares about sexual partners but until then I hope you’re saving yourself for your wife because you wouldn’t have a different perspective when it came to men, right?

Let’s be honest, even if my future husband is a cuckold I probably wouldn’t think he was one. I didn’t realise that it really makes a difference. What if she had 100 3 month relationships back to back over 33 years before you got married? I don’t know. How many people have you slept with? How many people should a woman have sex with before she gets married? I’m not even at a quarter of 100 so alas am I safe?

Some of them are pretty insightful, I must say. Did you know my self-worth is lower if I have sex with 100 guys? I think these people (mostly male, according to their email addresses) are just trying to educate me on what is and isn’t okay in today’s society as 30 Tinder dates in 30 days is disgraceful. Nice to hear from you 😛

Disgusting how you are showing a certain image of women in this day and age.
If you are so unaffected by what the media says and how people see you then what is with his essay that you posted on it?
Clearly you have an issue with it, and in the long term you won’t find a good stable and fulfilling relationship if you are hopping around with one person to another so quickly. What happened to getting to know people and respecting them and yourself?
Aren’t many women these days complaining that we aren’t seen as strong, educated and equal to men? Why stoop so low to go through this weird experiment, our whole worth is not based how many men we go out with or who is our partner, and I feel very bad for these people you have went on dates with, that you are genuinely not interested them and are doing this as an experiment or to impress your girls.
Then again all you have for now is your youth and spilling your half your tits out of your shirt, soon you will age terribly like the average Caucasian woman and have nothing of worth, but at least you will find some beta provider guy which I am sure you will use and not see as a person to at least keep you company for the rest of your shallow life.

Thanks for your feedback. I’m assuming you haven’t read the blog, or if you did – perhaps you missed the entire point. This isn’t an empowerment blog and every single date I went on would have occurred regardless of the time period. I also don’t understand your other points but clearly, you’re perfect and have it all sorted out. See, I was quite happy being single before this blog and if, I end up alone I will be pleased that I’m not with someone like you who gets so enraged by a blog that is clearly not your cup of tea and feels compelled to even claim to be a woman too when your email links back to your Facebook depicting a male’s page. I don’t know many female Tony’s with a Y. Girl power.

I don’t have a problem with her dating. The fact that she legit has a insane superiority complex, decided to waste hours each day to set up new victims, most of which she probably only went on to appease her blog (strong life), and detail each and every date (something typically more personal) explaining how much better she is than all of them is where she loses me. Acts like shes a fukkin princess when she’s in reality a strong 6.5/10 with her makeup on.

I think you forgot to read the blog and based most of your assumption from an article. Awkward. So glad you reached out though. You must have missed the part where it says I would have gone on these dates regardless of the time frame. I missed the part where I mentioned that I was better than them too. A strong 6.5 is higher than the way some girls value yourself and very close to how I usually sum myself up so I’m truly glad we bond on that. I lose points for my sass mouth and insane superiority complex. I give you a 5, your body seems okay from all that working out but you spend too much time on the internet evaluating other people and not even doing it right. hej då

Wow you can’t see the difference. It’s about having a woman that values herself and her body. Girls that value their body don’t fuk randoms. Who do you think is likely to lie about having an std, the random off tinder that wants easy pussy for the night, or a guy you’ve connected with for 3 months. Oh shit I banged 100 thirsty guys I just met off the internet, I can’t believe they weren’t honest with me. But I get it you’re enjoying being the cool (easy) girl among the guys. And if being known for that makes you proud then kudos. Also last comment giving my thoughts, so don’t worry I’ll leave you to your supporters. You go girl.

I quite like hearing your opinion. Please, educate me more of the mind of someone so closed minded. I just think you have a double standards thing going on and I don’t want to get all feminist on you, but I don’t think your points really add up. Believe me, I am trying to see it from your perspective but I just don’t see how having sex with ‘lots of guys’ makes women have a low self-worth. Technically you would never be able to tell and I think it’s a woman’s business to do her thang. Maybe that’s because I don’t have lots of sex with guys, somewhere on this blog mentions my ’10 Day Rule’ and that’s just for my own reasons.

I just want to say I am one of the people who found your blog through the Daily Mail article. I really enjoyed reading it. I couldn’t put it down, so to speak. It was humorous, and fun to read. I think this should be a movie, hahahahaha. As far as your looks go, I think you’re hot as f*ck, so don’t worry about it! You have a light and interesting personality, and you seem like a cool person. Thanks for writing the blog.

Yeah, I must be blind, because I never picked up on your superiority complex, or your whorish ways. You actually seem pretty well grounded, and humble to me. I’m also not seeing where you randomly banged every one of these guys. I thought I read you had a ten date rule. I’m pretty sure that you stated, more than once, throughout the blog that one of the basic premises of the whole thing was that anyone included would have to be someone you would actually date. I also read that this was intended to be for a limited audience, not to stroke your own ego. I’m sorry you’re catching so much flak. I think this is a really unique experiment, and it is interesting and enlightening to read a woman’s point of view when it comes to dating. Dating, marriage and sex are some of the most fundamental and complex parts of being human, and this shed a different light on it. Keep up the good work!

Hi Melissa, I never thought, that I will be so glad to read such a long blog. In fact I’ve never read blogs, but this one was really catchy. No matter what others say, I think that you should enjoy your life at fullest! I really love your attitude and accurate phrases. I don’t know why I’m writing this but I just wanted to support you among all these haters on the internet.
I just have one question, what the hell is Barina? :D.
P.S: Sorry for my grammar, not native speaker.
P.S2: Greetings from Slovakia !! (two exclamation marks, ou yeaa)

Thank you so much for the kind feedback. I never read blogs too, just wrote one for these Tinder dates. The Barina is the type of car I used to drive when this blog was written. A Holden Barina 2006. Barina/Buffy was her name and was kind of like my Cinderella carriage I took between dates. I miss my Barina!

I actually found your blog thanks to the Daily Mail article, and I find it hilarious. Do not worry about the haters – they are gonna hate anyways! I must confess I am a 33 y.o. woman who has never used Tinder (it did not exist 10 years ago but I did not need it to do whatever I wanted with the lads!). I guess we still live in a time when it is still not OK to talk about it… I should have written about my experiences, reading yours has been supa dupa fun! Please do not let the negative comments affect you, and finish writing about your 30daysoftinder!
Regards from Spain
N
PS: I have corrected my usual two exclamation marks to a boring one in this post!!!!!!! Ha!

I love how the majority of the derogatory comments are from those of the male persuasion. I hesitate to use a descriptor like ‘Men’ because that infers a sense of functional self-assuredness that is not characteristic of someone STILL beating the proverbial Dead Horse of a double-standard where guys can go out and stick their dick in as many willing women as possible and be positively lauded for it, but a woman goes out on (shock) COFFEE DATES and snogs maybe a couple of blokes in quick succession and she’s the Worst Slut Ever. Go back to sitting on your parents’ sofas and complaining about whomever is currently in Parliament, you oxygen thieves.

Another message to add to this list of supportive and bemused readers, I loved reading what you’ve written so far. As has been said already, from what you’ve written you seem crazy well grounded and with a great sense of humour. I love the reaction pictures and gifs you include, I feel like you could make money from writing blogs if you wanted, don’t underestimate ad revenue 😉

I found out about your blog through the herald and I am glad I did. I find it such a good read and am really enjoying it. You have such a cool writing style (also the first blog I have ever followed by the way).
As for the haters, who cares? Doesn’t matter what you do or say, the more known you are, the more haters you will have. Let them judge. They obviously have nothing better to do than make assumptions and criticise your life choices. Kind of sad really…

I’ve seen some of the haters comments from Daily Mail site and wanted to say I loved the blog and I read the whole blog so far in one day – I found it just before I was going on a date – so I took your lead and was late (I usually ensure I am only 5 mins late as I think that feels like forever to a guy wondering if he’s been stood up) and when he got a work call during the date I continued reading it and figured since he took the work call it was perfectly acceptable to continue reading until I finished it :). I did read the amusing parts out loud so I didn’t completely ignore him….

As for my first tinder date – I live in a small town and we met for a drink turns out he was married and when I expressed my surprise – he said “you didn’t ask so I assumed you were ok with it.”

Oh my gosh, I can’t believe that happened to you! Is his wife aware of it? So many questions! Thanks for the love shout out – something you hear more from haters when its on a public platform but this blog truly isn’t for them. If they can’t handle a relatively simple concept like dating then they’re probably living in the past

I found your blog through the Mamamia article and just wanted to say how much I loved it! I binge-read it like it was on Netflix and I think I am actually a bit obsessed now Your writing is so great and such a joy to read. Thank you!

I absolutely love you; you’re honest and hilarious! Your blog has seriously been the highlight of my week since I stumbled across it on Monday. I have no doubt that in another life, we would be best friends. Thanks for writing!!

Oh My goodness, I had such fun reading this blog, and I was sad when it was over (waiting for the updates!). I was so happy to find that it keeps going in the comments! Its funny, I have been on about 7 or 8 tinder dates in the last month and a half, but I have somehow been able to not sleep with them! Shock horror, you can go on dates with people, and walk away without having sex with them or even leaving with a kiss (just wanted to point it out to others on here that you can date with out having sex – it’s possible) but you know what… I could have if I wanted to, and surprisingly it doesn’t make my self worth any less.
Sometimes I wish I could have a penis just for a day.

Also to those on that body builder site wishing physical harm on this girl… what is wrong with you? Do you also kick puppies?!

hi Melissa
I came to read some of your blog from the link on the DailyFail and was instantly hooked, read the entire blog in a few hours then, went back to read it again!
I just wanted to comment on the fact that it made me so sad to come back to see you getting so many hateful comments. What is it with the slut shaming going on from people who obviously did not take the time to read your posts. Here I thought this is the year 2016 and the commenters all appear to be from western societies so why all the vitriol against a confident women who is comfortable with her own sexuality?
Even if you did have several one night stands who is it hurting? The hate spewed out at you is something I would expect of the Taliban or ISIS.
Hold your head high and know that there are many people out on this planet who see nothing wrong with an empowered woman enjoying herself and who Love you candor and “sassy mouth”
Love your blog and anxious to read about the rest of your dates!

Hey girl, I stumbled across your blog after breaking up with my shitty boyfriend of two years. Being from a tiny backwards town and thinking I’d literally nabbed the last guy with no kids, I was shitting myself about being alone again. Anyway, thought I’d try Tinder to see who else was out there. I read your blog before I signed up and it made Tinder seem a whole lot less slutty and weird than the stories I’d heard, so thanks. Your blog is the funniest thing I’ve read in ages and I still read it even though I met a total dreamboat after two days and one date of Tindering. Anyway, just wanted to say, thanks and also, you do you girl. I think you’re hilarious. Don’t listen to anyone who gives you shit. Hope all goes well with your new Kanye.

Love it, love it, love it. Your honesty is great, so don’t let anyone bring you down. Can bet if it was a dude dating 30 Tinder women in 30 days, no one would give a shit, no matter what his teeth looked like, so good on you! Looking forward to the rest of the dates!

I’m just another reader that found your blog through the dailymail……… I didn’t actually finish reading the dailymail article – I just skipped straight to yours and couldn’t put it down.
I wouldn’t normally bother to respond, but I think it’s abit of a shame if you are getting flack about it. I told friends about your blog but saying how great it was to read and how funny and entertaining you were. I’d like to think the majority of us have enjoyed reading about your adventures, the rest just sound alittle bitter.

I completely get where you are coming from. I was sucked into doing a “news” article with the daily mail about my marriage breakdown. My ex participated and was also paid for it. But you wouldn’t believe the comments both from “haters” on the mail comments and also from friends. I’ve lost friends over it even though it was a “mistake” and we all make them.

I saw your blog through a facebook friend who shared it. I’ve read every post and I absolutely love it! I love how you write. You are funny and honest and there is no shame in having a sex-life. You are single. You can sleep with whoever you want.

Don’t worry about the negative comments. I think you are fab! I’m going to subscribe so I will get any future posts to my inbox. Please don’t stop. I’m hooked!!!

Hi Melissa. A coworker and I found your blog through the article in the Herald and we have been very entertained by it. We are both intermittent Tinder users and agree that even if you don’t get a meaningful relationship out of it, Tinder is worth it for the stories you can tell afterward!

Beyond the entertainment value though, I think blogs like yours have a positive contribution toward society. It’s weird that there are still people around who think that the worth of a woman is determined by how many tickets have been issued to her “fun park”. It’s even weirder that these people think women these days determine their own worth in the same way. I love that you’re challenging that.

I find it so ironic that people get so stirred up over shit like this! Like you don’t see The Bachelor getting endless amounts of shit for dating how many women at once (all in a short period too might I add) 😂😂 people are pathetic! You’re hilarious and it’s all in good humour and a bit of fun, can’t wait for the next posts!

Thank you – I hadn’t thought of that. People get SO WORKED up over 30 dates and the idea that I slept with all 30 consumed them. Even if I had slept with all 30, being a single person with no commitment to anyone, is that really so bad? Thank you for reading xx.

I LOVE this blog! Thank you for writing this. I totally needed this in my life right now. I have completely got over myself & I am currently hustling a couple tinder dates ( woohoo)

I had had my head stuck quite far up my arse, plus the judgement of my friends that I was embarrassed to join tinder! You have helped me realise that dating could be fun ( or not haha ) but you aren’t going to know if you sit at home.

Thank you! I hope you’re Tinder dates go well. The judgement of Tinder is thankfully easing, I don’t know how people expect us to meet each other the organic way when we’re busy, career-driven women who spend our free time hanging out with our friends and doing what we want. I certainly wasn’t in a position to meet anyone any other way.

I’m so glad you’re getting our there. I think if you have lower expectations, you are truly more surprised no matter what – hence my recommendations. Anyway, its nice to get out there no matter what the circumstances are. It’s a lot more fun then sitting at home. Thanks for reading xx

Brilliant blog. The writing just flows like the syrup on an ice-cream just forcing us to read on and onoandonandon. Looong pages 🙂
Loving the GIF’s they make the whole thing and would guess that your real life is in publishing in some form.
Feel a little bit oversold in that it seems like these dates are taking place over a much longer timeframe than 30days, as I think the premise is important: Do you have the mental stamina for this much random socialising? What happens if your Kanye turns up at #24, will you continue the quest regardless despite the pointlessness? Most important – your phone. Do you save these guys numbers as, eg Dave#16 so that you can keep track on their place in your blogosphere?

Meanwhile, please keep enjoying your youth. I just wish Tinder had been around during mine.

Your words are sweet. I’m sorry that you’re a little oversold on the idea. I did indeed go on 30 Dates in 30 days and wrote notes about them as I went. Sometimes these notes were brief, other times they were long. I ended up changing jobs ( I was working 50-60 hour weeks during 30 days of Tinder ) and wrote the blog intending to do it in 30 days but alas, I got too busy. I didn’t intend for it to take too long, but then since it was written for my friends and family, they were also taking their time to read it too and constantly needed to ‘catch up’. So whilst the notes and drafts are still intact, I’ve been trickling them out. I didn’t intend for the blog to get this much traction, though I’m pleased it has. In regards to your other question, my Kanye didn’t arrive at #24, he arrived earlier than that but I kept the quest up and didn’t commit until after the 30 Days was finished. I could have met someone incredible at #29 or #30 but as I’ve said, it wasn’t the intention to meet someone. I saved these guys and gal under their names on my phone and kept a post-it note with the dates. I’m glad you’re enjoying the blog!

I found you blog pretty funny in a good way 🙂 It´s like a good funny Book! i hope it will become a movie one day! 🙂 i dont understand the fuss about this blog? all of us have opinion about our dates, just because you write them on blog doesen´t make u a bad person. you even keep guys identity secret + most of them know about the blog 🙂 cant wait to hear rest of your dates 🙂

Hola! Currently in Argentina and South American wifi makes gif hunting tedious and me slightly angry at how slow it is. Plus I’m so unbelievably basic that I can’t edit gifs on my iPad and love the feeling of my keyboard when I’m writing. Forgive me. I’m just on holiday til next week.

I seriously need to meet you and we can both get white girl wasted while people watching (and/or judging). I’ll be in Wellington soon because my sister lives there, just on Willis Street. Totally sound creepy but oh well.
Can’t wait to read more.

Oh my god yes. I’m currently in Argentina til next week but would love too. Doesn’t sound creepy at all ( and if it does I’m totally into it). Find me on Facebook (my last name is out there so in easy to find!)