Gary did not go to Julliard for 6 years to have some carrot-topped, spoiled Dutchess of York, Fergie-ass bitch take away his only acting job prospect since whistling the P.C. Richards theme song last year.

We are really excited about this picture. Endless possibilties! Leave your captions in the comments!

As scary and evil as The Devil Wears Prada made Vogue editor Anna Wintour out to be, I have no doubt that there are still countless hordes of wide-eyed young fashion maven wannabes out there who would give their left Manolo Blahnik to sit in Wintour’s famed Personal Assistant Torture Chamber. If you count yourself as one of these tragically wayward individuals, you’ll be delighted to know that Gawker is reporting a rumored opening in the Office Chair of Nightmarish Misery. We wish you the best of luck in the application process, and may God have mercy upon your soul, because Anna (whose legendary brand of sadism Barbara Walters finds fascinating, incidentally) most certainly will not.

New pictures of Suri Cruiseemerged yesterday, clutched in her father’s sure and staid grip. And as you may know, we love Suri. She’s looking more beautiful than ever, with a face that will likely mature into its own Benetton ad campaign. But we couldn’t let this go without pointing out the uncanny similarity between future superstar Suri and the kick-ass Lucy Liu. It’s like, if Anderson Cooper and her had a baby, it would be Suri. Mystery (gulp) solved?

Uh-oh, Steve-O: let’s get one thing very straight here. You DO NOT f*ck with pretty-boy actor Stephen Dorff, even if you ARE a person who’s famous for lighting your nuts on fire. Dorff knows people. Dangerous people. People who will have you ERASED should you make the mistake of bringing his bimbo model ex-girlfriend, who he now thinks is a “dumb fat b*tch”, to lunch with you at the wrong places. Listen in sheer terror at the chilling sound of Dorff’s deadly voice – the same voice you might, but probably don’t, remember from his harrowing work in Backbeat, Space Truckers and Cecil B. DeMented – quivering with rage as he calmly assures a certain Jackass that his days of degrading and humiliating himself are now numbered.

Do you love tuning into NBC’s Deal Or No Deal to watch people shout at suitcases contaning various prize dollar amounts? Do you hate Howie Mandel and wish he wouldn’t keep interrupting all the shouting with his stupid attempts at humor? Do you wish that you could be the person shouting at those suitcases? Well it’s your lucky day, because we’ve located something will provide you with hours of shouting at suitcase fun – it’s the Deal Or No Deal Online Game! You’re going to need a lot of smarts and a lot of skill to select the random suitcase that contains the most fake prize money you will not receive for winning. Now let’s make a deal!

“I gotta say, this is a very big disappointment for Matt, because he did run a very good campaign. If you’ve been around him, you know he’s sexy. His eyes pop. They have a twinkle. He’s got a good smile. He’s quite the dancer. He does rock a Speedo in Ocean’s 13.

His advice: “I think you should go with a snakeskin suit and some mousse and give a sort of up-on-your toes pose.” Damon strikes the pose in a photo, provided to PEOPLE by Clooney, taken in November 1997.

That is so like Clooney to josh around with his boyeez, his gang of almost-too-handsome, debonair superstar actors who constantly need to prove that they’re not the pretty guys they appear to be. This involves practical jokes, marrying the assistant, adopting poor children, etc etc. And, of course, mocking your own Sexiest Mannyness. Cause Clooney’s got balls, ya see? But he’s not above posing for an InStyle cover, ya got that? Good. (We, for one, are still completely won over by him.)

And as far as this picture of Matt damon is concerned… can you say “Tiled Wallpaper“?

In the picture below (via A Socialite’s Life), you will notice the suspicious marks on Lindsay Lohan’s wrist. Please vote on what you think could have caused them, and include any additional theories in the comments section.

Today’s the day your little brother’s been looking forward to for months: The Playstation 3 launch. People are celebrating accordingly. In Connecticut a man was shot while waiting in line outside a Wal-Mart. Slightly less tragic, and way more funny, a man in Milwaukee suffered a concussion when he ran into a pole during a mad dash towards the front door. Yes, there’s video. Of course, mad dashes are nothing new. The Running of the Nerds takes place approximately once every four years, always with humorous results. Just look at the video below and imagine this scene taking place at Best Buys and Circuit Citys all over the country. It’s almost endearing, actually.

For once, last night’s super-sized 40-minute long episode of The Office was just the right length, and featured the moment — MOMENT — half of America has been waiting for: The Pam/Jim reunion! It was safe to say The Merger was going to be amazing from the getgo, what with the Stamford, CT bunch moving in with those crazy kids over in Scranton. Upon arrival, the 5 new employees + Jim were handed “nifty gifty”‘s, bags filled with pencils and coupons. (Aw, Michael.) Once again, Mindy Kaling stole the show with her “Suri/Shiloh Update Hour.” We are already loving Michael’s relationship with new BeFri Andy — though Andy out-douches Michael 3 to 1. Equally as dorky and inappropriate, but his heart doesn’t seem to in the right place. One can trace that back to his a capella days, surely.

But laaaaaaaaadies! Jim is back!! We’ve been fency about our feelings regarding the Team Pam/Team Karen debate. At first, we were a-clearly sisboombahing for Pam, and even though her refusal to “do it” with Jim was a real downer, we understood her complicated feelings. This Karen… she’s so modern looking! She straightens her hair, and probably listens to college radio! City girl! But slowly, she grew on us. She’s sophisticated, see? And her relationship with Jim has the chance of being equally as adorable, as it seems like Jim is just so adorable at whatever he does.