Many divorced and remarried dads have deep insecurities about their new parenting roles, as if a dad's relevance is directly proportionate to the minutes and hours he spends with his children. But all dads are dads 100% of the time, just as all moms are still moms 100% of the time.

I read a lot about stepmother struggles -- about how they wish they were treated, want to be treated, think they should be treated -- by their stepkids. And I get it. I've had one, practically am one and know a lot. Most stepmothers deserve respect, kindness, acknowledgement and even some appreciation. It's not easy being a stepmom. But, it's not easy being a step kid, either.

I feel that the celebration of stepmotherhood in our cultures should start with us the stepmoms. I also think that it is great to celebrate on Mother's Day -- not because we are trying to steal the day away from the biological mothers, but because of the connection we have to those that share their children with us.

Dear Me, Happy Mother's Day! I am so proud of you. Another year has gone by and you have done your best. You have passionately loved your family and worked hard to give them what they need and want. You have tried. I love that about you.

My little boy's well being stopped my insecurity in its tracks. I didn't want Connor to suffer and refused to confuse him by encouraging hatred for a woman who loved him. I refused to be selfish, cruel and bitter because it's just not how I'm wired.

I never wanted you here. You simply were never part of the plan. Growing up and dreaming of my family I never included you. I didn't want help from another woman to raise my child. But then you arrived. Dang your kind smile! I was planing on really hating you. I wanted to resent you but you made it impossible.

So, you want to have a perfect holiday. The tree is decorated beautifully. The weather is cold and crispy. The food is cooked to perfection. The only thing missing is...a family that has not experienced divorce.

She had platinum blonde hair worn in an Aqua-Net bouffant, thick black eyeliner and a figure Jayne Mansfield would've killed for. At night, she peeled her false eyelashes off like she was undressing her face.

It is quite a unique thing to open the hatchback of a car to load in your skis and see your future step-children in their car seats, shiny-haired heads turned to check you out, a random woman along for the ride. You try to act casual and cheery, but your voice is shaky and your eyes are wet.

Ads like Honey Maid's, however, place moms like me and dads like my ex potentially on the defensive, maybe even to be labeled bigots. But why should I ever need to defend myself for wanting to make sure that my children know that their dad is 'Dad' and their mom is 'Mom.'

What if Brad had been a woman who had taken on the responsibility of her man's children? Uh oh! Now, that woman would be labeled a stepmother, and we all know what that means. She would be looked upon as a mistress for the rest of her life.

I see all the stepmothers running to spas and hotels for seven days a month. Then, over time, all of the stepmothers' periods would start to coordinate to the same week each month (The McClintock Effect). Now, the world would be without any stepmothers for one week every month.

I want my daughters to grow up feeling vital and empowered based on what's inside them, not on what comes out. I want my son to recognize women as inherently whole and complete, without regard to their present or potential offspring.

I am not a historian or politician. From a distant view, there appears to be a few lessons that we may be able to apply to our own lives. Here are a few lessons about leadership that may give us cause to consider.

I am so very thankful for this weird, dysfunctionally functional, blended family of ours. Because for the last six years, whether you've hated me or loved me, you've always made me feel like a real mom. And for that alone, I am eternally grateful. I love you with all my heart.