Rants on Cycling and on Life:
Photos of people and bicycles that pass in front of my camera

2.02.2008

I am sorry... I am flawed

I am sorry... I am flawedwhat I did was wrong... it was wrong what I didtrying to explain what I did to my riding partnerwell... that did not make things any better

on today's ride I spat on a carI flipped off several car driversI only spat on one carspitting on cars does not happen as often as it once didI try to control my angerI try to control my frustrationI have bicyclist road ragewith my son in the trailer behind my bike that emotion is heightenedI am more sensitive to people's lack of consideration to the vulnerability of the human body outside of a car

bicycle road rageit is a simple case of action and over reaction

this afternoon at the tail end of a thirty mile spin pulling the burley trailer I was on K Street in Georgetown under the Whitehurst freewayI was trying to make a left hand turn up 28th Street GeorgetownI know that it is no left turn... and I did not make a complete stop before turningthat is not where I was in erroras I approached the intersection the timing was such that the oncoming cars each had stop signseach car was stopped and checking about with enough caution that my flowing through with the left out of turn made most sensethere seemed to be an unspoken communication as the cars ahead held their position at the stop signsI waved to the cars as they granted my passageas I rolled off K Street onto 28th the car coming down the hill came rolling through the stop signnot stopping at the stop linewhen the car broke that line and looked as if was going to continue rolling right into the intersectionthe trailer behind me was in the intersectionhad she not stopped six feet after the stop line the trailer and my son would have been the point of intersection

there was never a point where I felt as she saw methere was never a point where I felt she was taking into account me or my precious cargoshe was rushing to get no where fastmaybe a moviemaybe a coffee datesomething important enough to bypass the notion of safety of others around her

I gave into an old habitI spat on the windshield of the car that had run the stop sign

the spit was not so much on her windshield for what happenedbut more for what could have happenednot because she rolled through that stop sign then and therebut because I am certain that she rolls through all stop signs with the same disregardbecause she most certainly drives like this all the timebecause a shrug of the shoulders and the words I am sorry mean nothing after causing injury or death to another

the spit was not so much directed for her windshieldthe spit was meant for all the windshields of all the cars that drive around mindlessly everydaynever thinking about their actionsnever anticipating what is around themnot looking out for the pedestriannot looking our for the cyclistthen... not giving the pedestrian or the cyclist the space and respect that they deserve

people should come out of alleys as if there a woman with a stroller on the sidewalk about cross past the alley exitpeople should approach all intersections as if there are children running towards the corner about step off the curbpeople should drive around others how they would like others to drive around themvery golden rule-ish

I was wrong to spit on her windshieldnothing is gained by such actionsI feel no betterand this woman is no closer to being respectful of bicyclists or pedestrians

this car represented all of the cars that had wronged me on this dayall the cars that passed too fast and too closeall the cars the pulled in front of me and made a turn causing me to slow down or stopall the cars that did all the things that cars do

it was wrong

I would dehydrate if I spat on every car that I want to spit on each dayI fight to be a person of thought and actionnot a fool controled by action and over reactionnot an idiot in auto pilotif only the car drivers could take their trajectory out of auto pilot

2 comments:

I understand. It's very hard for me to attribute things to stupidity instead of malice, sometimes. It's also difficult to avoid punishing the specific miscreant for the sins of all the miscreants. It's a battle where your life is on the line out there, and it's hard to keep things in check when you're playing for those kinds of stakes.

In the end, the biggest regret comes from how being angry makes me feel, though. I, too, wish I could just let dangerous stupidity go.

Without getting into the right and wrong of things, I think everybody who rides has moments where you make a little misjudgment and find yourself in trouble. Now when I find that happening I make sure I am not hurrying at all. No shortcuts for me; plenty of time, plenty of space. I still have angry moments though.

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