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Wednesday, 27 March 2013

Gosh im on a roll this week and its only Wednesday

I want to for my own mind and to clarify some points that were brought up in my last post.

Its not so much that im mortified with the fantasy becoming reality, its my reaction to it that has shocked me, because i have just not had these feelings of jealousy before, they are new to me. The actual fantasy of watching him with another woman still turns me on, i think it would be a very hot scenario.

When you start exploring fantasies, or as with any venture into the unknown then it needs to be talked about and discussed especially when it brings up forms of resistance, for me on this occassion it has brought up a lot of insecurities.

But i have been here before, a few times, i was adamant when we first got together and for a long while afterwards that there was no way on this earth i was getting sexual with a woman, it caused a lot of turmoil and distressed feelings, many indepth conversations into getting down to the root of the problem.

He wouldnt force a situation onto me if he had any doubts about it, of course he is human and doesnt always get it right, and in 7 years there has only been one occassion where it just was a disaster..and we both learnt from it.

Fear often is what holds me back, holds most people back i would imagine, and the only way to get past this is to really start examining (through communicating) where this fear stems from.

In this case ie with him being with another woman, my fears are irrational but nevertheless they are there,

I fear 'what if he prefers her to me', what if she is better than me', what if im just left wanting to tear her hair from her head'

These are very real feelings, but irrational, they are formed from a lack of confidence, jealousy (which im really struggling with) and the conflict that i know i trust him so why this conflict!

If its something he really wants then it will happen, but not before im in a better state of mind about it all, i have been with women a few times now and im no worse for it, no its not something im naturally drawn to but the excitement was in 'doing something i didnt want to do', it was about the control, which is a whole blog post in its own right!

10 comments:

"If its something he really wants then it will happen, but not before im in a better state of mind about it all"

I am heartened that you're such a shiny example of this lifestyle for all the newbies (myself included) out there in blogland.

i think you've hit it on the head, the nail that is, when you say it needs to be talked about, discussed.

irrational fears are all very real despite being well, irrational and crazy and illogical. they're still very much present. and i'm glad that you write what you do, so women (or men) who are looking at a ttwd / M/s / D/s dynamic are more aware of just how important TALKING is, despite wanting that control.

Oh thanks Fondles, i really do think it cant be stressed enough how important communicating is...(she says not being great at 'opening up') but its just as important to listen really listen as it is to talk..its often the listening part that gets overlooked.

As a long time reader it is very clear that the bossman takes all your feelings into careful consideration before making decisions. That's how it should be and we know that's how it is.

It may be kind of nice to deal with those feelings and see where they take you. Watching Daddy hurt another is something that entices me very much but if he said he wanted to do it.....not sure what that would bring out.

While I don't understand 'jealousy' perse, I can understand how something new and proposed is leading to these kinds of feelings. And your feelings certainly are valid. It sounds like your bossman is doing all the right things! :o) So...if jealousy is a new feeling, I would wonder: Is it really jealousy? Or is it the fear of the unknown? Is it touching on a little insecurity? Is it just the matter of having been cozy and comfortable and now the weird emotions that can sometimes come with a shake-up?