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A quick web search regarding the most common insecurities among women yields some interesting, and perhaps disturbing results. The most common answers, by far, all involve a woman’s appearance in one way or another (as a matter of fact, it’s difficult to even track down any other type of insecurity). The only other type of insecurity which easily rears its head is the type involving insecurities in her relationship; in other words, her worries about what a man thinks of her.

Other than those two types of insecurity, namely:

Physical appearance

Stability in a relationship with a man

The only other insecurity that pops up, just barely on the edge of the radar, is the insecurity about money and career. There is no mention whatsoever about insecurities regarding a woman’s intellectual or creative life.

First of all, let’s take a quick run through the list of insecurities regarding physical appearance (but be warned: if you do not like what you are about to read, just remember that I am only summarizing what, according to the Internet, are the top insecurities of women and why):

1.) Sexuality: By far the most commonly listed insecurity. Women, apparently, want most of all to be sexually desirable, and are constantly measuring their own sexual desirability against that of other women.

2.) Age: Women also are insecure about their age. They want to look young, are jealous of other women, and are constantly trying to find the right foods and products which will fight the aging process. An interesting observation, on the side, would be to do a web search on “anti-aging” and looking at all the sites that offer gleaming anti-aging miracles to these apparently insecure women.

3.) Weight: The next most obvious insecurity women have regards their weight. Women always want to be skinnier; or, no matter how gorgeous they are they always believe that they are overweight; they are constantly looking for the newest fad diet of watermelon only, or high protein low starch, or nothing but raisins and kippers on Tuesdays and Sunday evenings; and so on and so on.

4.) Hair color: Women are apparently also insecure about their hair color; perhaps they all want to be blondes. Blondes do, after all, have more fun, and blondes are more desirable to men, right? Additionally, blonde hair usually means you are dumb, and looking dumb means looking sexier. Perhaps even it is instinctual for men to want women with light hair; in the animal kingdom the male always prefers the lighter hair female because it’s a sign of health; natural selection.

5.) Eye color: Women also, apparently, are insecure about their eye color. Blue eyes, that ever-companion to blonde hair, is apparently the most desirable color in the eye world. Gray, green, and hazel, are apparently next up in the hierarchy of eye desirability. Brown eyes are the worst, probably, because they are the most common.

6.) Height: Having an ideal height is also apparently a problem for women. Most women seem to want to be taller, and complain of only being in the low 5’s; 5’ 1’’ to 5’ 5’’ is apparently not tall enough. Think about those tall, long-legged fashion models that apparently all women want to emulate. There is a point, of course though, where a woman becomes too tall – somewhere around 5’ 10” is the limit. Any taller than that, and they might challenge the superiority of men.

7.) Breast size: Finally, the one you’ve all been waiting for: women want to have bigger breasts. Women apparently see celebrities with large breasts and want to have large breasts too. Women become insecure when their jerk boyfriends make jokes about them being flat as a board. All men apparently are attracted to large breasts, and all women apparently want all men to be attracted to them. Biologically breasts speak of fertility or baby nurturing so big breast desirability is evolutionary. Now, I sincerely hope that any woman reading this list of their apparent insecurities is really angry right now. I honestly cannot believe that in 2012 this is the picture of women that is being suggested by their insecurities. The above would suggest that women are all worried about looking like celebrities and models; want nothing more than to be desired sexually by men; and finally that this is all well and good because it’s based on evolution. If you’re mad now, though, the next few insecurities women apparently have regarding dating are going to make you even madder.
Besides the insecurities regarding physical appearance listed above, the next most commonly listed securities are about dating:

8.) He will not call me back: A woman, when in a new relationship, is apparently always intent on having the man call her back, and must be reassured by the man that he will in fact call her in order to soothe her anxiety.

9.) He just want to sleep with me: A woman in a new relationship is also constantly worrying that the man is only interested in her for sex – because she is also insecure about whether or not there is anything interesting or desirable about her besides her body- and must once again be reassured by the man that he likes her personality, that she makes excellent muffins, etc.

10.) He’s dating other women: A woman is constantly suspicious that her man is cheating on her – because despite the fact that her man has constantly reassured her about the quality of her personality and her muffins, she is still unsure of herself, and also believes that all men are pigs and will sleep with anything that moves.

11.) He’s not attracted to me anymore: Despite the fact that women must always be reassured by men that they are desirable for reasons other than their body, they must also be reassured by men that they are also desirable for their body. Women require physical attention, and reassuring words from men in order to feel secure in their physical desirability.
It would seem from the points above that there is just no pleasing women, that you can’t live with them, you can’t blah blah blah. Oh women! These points about dating women, about how to reassure them that they are sexy but not only sexy and on the whole that they are wanted by men, were obviously written by men. They are basically tips for men on how to calm the insecure and frivolous creature called woman; feel free to stop at this point to spit if you like.
The insecurities above, sadly, are those which are by far most frequently listed; and as we said above, there are very few others that make any appearance at all. The following two insecurities do make a very small appearance (more of a walk-on than a speaking role):

12.) Money: A few women are, apparently, insecure about how much money they make. Obviously, like anyone else, they believe that making more money means that they are a better person.

13.) Career: A few women are also apparently concerned about their jobs; either that they simply don’t have a job, that they would like to have a better or more commonly respected job; or, they already have a good career but are insecure about their status in the company, their ability to climb the ladder, their male competition etc.
In these last two, finally, we are no longer insulting women, and are placing them on an equal footing with men right? Wrong. It’s true that men are also insecure about money and their careers (and actually, it is true that they are insecure about all of the other things listed above as well), but this isn’t enough to say that these last two insecurities are no longer insulting. The statuses associated with how much money you make, and how respected your career is, are illusions, every bit as much as the long-legged blonde turquoise-eyed model/celebrity described above.
There is, sadly, no mention whatsoever of the following two things which, certainly, some women are insecure about:

14.) Creative life: Certainly women are also insecure about the quality of their work as an artist, photographer, filmmaker, writer, or architect.
[adsensecenter] 15.) Intellectual life: Certainly women are also insecure about their level of understanding of various esoteric intellectual matters such as math, physics, philosophy, economics, or critical social theory.
Without question women are insecure about the reception of their paintings, or of their newest novel; without question they are insecure about their intellectual grasp of the notion of the Big Other, or the Preface to the Phenomenology of Spirit. Why then, does a web search on this issue suggest that women care only about their bodies and about pleasing men? You should be angry, or, you should submit more content on the internet about what real women are really concerned about, if only to try to beat back all of the meaningless spam about breast size and so on.

Cougars are all the rage for men in their twenties through forties (although the latter are kidding themselves—they’re no young cubs). But just what is it about women in the 40 plus group that is such a turn on? You’ll thrive in the game of dating younger men if you can pin that down, and if you can avoid the bad behavior of your fellow 40-plus felines.

DON’T TRY TO DRESS LIKE YOU’RE TWENTY

Trying to dress like you’re half your age makes you look twice your age. You probably don’t have the abs you used to back in the day, so get acquainted with flowy tops. The good news is your girls probably grew with age and maybe a little weight gain elsewhere. Show ‘em off!

DON’T TRY TO KEEP UP WITH POP CULTURE

Play the music you like when he comes over, suggest movies from your youth on movie night, and for goodness sake do not keep up with the Kardashians. One of your cub’s favorite things about you is you’ve got “vintage” style. He wants to know what’s interesting and popular in your age group.

DON’T TRY TO PARTY TOO HARD

Men look for class in cougars. Don’t try to keep up with a young buck by suddenly wanting to go out all throughout the week and drink hard after work. Your body won’t bounce back the same; and if he wanted a party girl, he’d be with one, instead of you.

DON’T MOMMY HIM

Don’t correct his grammar, or fact-check him when he’s engaged in conversation, or wipe his mouth. The last thing he’ll want to do is have sex with someone who reminds him of his mother.

DON’T PAY FOR EVERYTHING

Let him feel like a man and treat you, too. The greatest thing about dating someone younger is that he has so many places to show you that you’d never know about otherwise, and visa versa. So, try this: when you suggest a place, you pay. And when he suggests one, he pays.

DON’T BE TOO BOSSY IN BED

A cub will like that you know what you’re doing. He won’t like if you imply he doesn’t know what he’s doing. If there are certain things you need to happen in bed, present them in a way so it’s fun for both of you, and not just all in service of your big O.

DON’T TALK TOO MUCH ABOUT YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS

You’ve had a longer life and inevitably accomplished more than your cub. It’s natural to reference your own history, experiences, victories etc. in conversation, but you have to watch it around a cub. He’s insecure to begin with: don’t provoke that.

BUT DON’T DOWNPLAY YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS

Don’t completely stay quiet about what you’ve done! Part of what attracts a young guy to an older woman is all her knowledge and experience about careers, travel, relationships and life in general.When he asks you about your history, don’t be afraid to share.

DON’T GET CATTY AROUND YOUNGER WOMEN

Like a crop top or too much makeup, catty behavior instantly ages you. So long as you see your age as an advantage, so will your cub. But he can smell it the second you feel insecure about your age, and being catty to younger women is the first symptom.

DON’T KNOCK THE YOUNG SPOTS

Your cub is going to take you to places that are too loud, too crowded, too simple, too cheap, too dirty—you name it. But there’s a reason he likes those places. Be open to what that reason may be.

ACCEPT YOUR CURVES

Too many cougars hit the gym obsessively, whittling their bodies down to nothing but bone. That doesnot look good on an older woman. Curves come in beautifully on the 40-plus group. And to a cub, that type of body isn’t a turn off—it’s different and exciting.

DON’T JUDGE HIM

He won’t know as much about money management or interior design or even table manners as you do. His apartment might be messy and his resume might be all botched up. Just remember: so was yours when you were his age.

DON’T HIDE YOUR KIDS!

If you lie about having children or send them away to visit their aunt anytime your cub comes over, everybody will feel guilty. Your guy will feel guilty that your kids have to scram when he’s around, and you’ll feel guilty about hiding your pride and joy!

DON’T DUMP ON MEN YOUR AGE

A younger man wants to feel that you’re approaching the concept of dating younger men from a positive place. He wants to feel that you see what is special about him, and not just how he is the opposite of everybody else you’ve dated. Refrain from complaining about men your age.

Cooking doesn’t get more primal and exciting than this. For centuries, the bedouins have been burying hot coals and meat in the desert sand and letting it cook, slowly. What comes out of the hole many hours later is the most seductive aroma and tenderest lamb imaginable. But you also get to learn an ancient lesson in cooking, hospitality and survival in one of the world’s harshest environments.

Sushi that isn’t off a conveyor belt

Strictly speaking, conveyor belts are for factories and airports, not restaurants. True, conveyor belts brought sushi to the masses, which is a good thing.

But to appreciate the sheer skill and artistry involved in real sushi, you have to visit a proper sushi restaurant. You’ll begin to understand the delicate balance between nature, texture, temperature and flavour that makes real sushi a genuine art form. And you won’t feel like you’re in a factory.

Caviar

You’re at a dinner party among esteemed guests. They start discussing caviar. You’d like to join in the conversation, but you’ve never had caviar. You feel embarrassed. How could you get to 35 without trying one of the world’s most coveted luxury foods? If you had, you’d be part of the cultured elite who know that the excruciatingly expensive sloppy black fish eggs taste like salt – a lot of salt – that’s been kept for a month in a trout’s pocket.

A meal cooked by a Michelin-star chef

Whether they’re a genuine mark of excellence, or just a glorified backslapping exercise, Michelin stars are what set the René Redzepis of this world apart from the Ronald McDonalds. Standards of service, hygiene and culinary artistry will almost certainly be as high as the bill. At the very least, it’s a chance to see what all the fuss is about and brag to your friends.

Something you’ve killed yourself

Most proud carnivores would kill for a juicy steak. Or would they? The uncomfortable truth about meat is that somebody has to slaughter it. So why shouldn’t it be you? You don’t have to bring down a wildebeest on the plains of the Serengeti or wring the neck of a chicken in your backyard. Catching a fish will do. It’s edifying for a man to know he has the guts and respect to kill what he eats.

Real Wagyu beef

There’s no steak like the heavily marbled, intensely flavoursome meat of the Japanese Wagyu breed of cow. Much of it is reared in Australia and the US, but to experience the knee-bending pleasure of genuine Wagyu, you have to go Japanese. Look out for the Kobe, Matsusaka or Ohmi varieties, which all benefit from the unique terroir and intensive care of Japanese farms. Only then can you say you’ve had the best beef in the world.

Cassava

It’s estimated that over half a billion people around the world rely on cassava as a staple food. Unlike other staples such as rice, potatoes or maize, there’s a reason why you rarely see it in restaurants – it’s not very nice.

Often bitter or woody, it must be prepared carefully to remove toxins. But it keeps people alive. You should try it so you know what they have to put up with.

100 per cent cacao chocolate

Your idea of pure chocolate might be a Snickers cake with a Cadbury’s creme egg on top, but believe it or not, that’s about as far from real chocolate as Rolf Harris is from a carefree shower. With its bitter, leathery flavour, chocolate made with 100 per cent cacao (or cocoa) is a surprisingly intense experience, up there with smoking a fine cigar.

Something you’ve grown yourself

Just because you’re a clean-living vegetarian doesn’t mean you shouldn’t get your hands dirty. Growing and eating your own fruit, herbs or vegetables makes you appreciate the time, care and diligence required to put food on your table.

Converting your garden into an arable farm might be a turnip too far, but you can easily grow cherry tomatoes, coriander and even chillies on the hottest of desert balconies.

Something nasty

If you can eat fish-head curry while all those around you are losing their appetites; if you can confidently crack the shell of a balut egg, and not squeal at the downy duck embryo inside…

If you can stomach the stinking maggot-ridden cheese of casu marzu, or nibble deep-fried Thai cockroaches with pride; you’ll be able to convince your children to eat their salad, and everything that’s in it, and you’ll be a man, my son.

Something dangerous

Killing your own food is one thing – what about food that can kill you? Cheating death can be hungry work, so head to Japan and have fugu, or pufferfish, which contains a poison 1,200 times deadlier than cyanide.

Chefs undergo years of training to obtain a fugu licence, but that hasn’t stopped more than 20 fugu eaters dying in Japan since the turn of the century. Good luck!

A lot of chilli

It’s embarrassing for a man when his dinner-date is popping chillies like they were cherry drops, while he sits cowering in the corner sucking an ice cube with a wet towel on his head.

Also, chillies taste good. They’re in curry, peri-peri chicken and pretty much all Mexican food. If you haven’t built up a resistance to hot chillies by the time you’re 35, you probably never will.

Camel meat

To understand why the camel is regarded with such warmth and affection in the Gulf, you must eat its meat. A highly prized delicacy, camel meat is usually saved for special family occasions, such as births or weddings. If it’s a young one, the meat is tender and rich in flavour, and aside from the fatty hump, is generally leaner than most red meat.

Oysters

You can divide men into two categories. Those who can swallow oysters, and those who can’t. For the latter group, eating oysters is like swallowing a fisherman’s phlegm.

But for a real man, an oyster is a divine gift from the oceans, bursting with complex saline flavours, delivering a zinc blast that will keep him sharp and alert for whatever the night may yield.

Proper Parmesan

There comes a time in every man’s life when he must understand what proper Parmesan cheese is.

Parmigiano-Reggiano is a solid block of fragrant pressed cow’s milk cheese from certain regions of northern Italy – not the pre-shredded stuff in little cardboard tubes that looks and tastes like sweaty toe-hair dandruff. OK?