Local Man In Buoyant Mood As City And The Scousers Crash In Europa League

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, was reported to be happy again, for the first time since early on Sunday as both Liverpool AND Manchester Sh-sorryCity were beaten away from home home in their respective Europa League first round ties.

Observers say that Shuttlecock watched the cock-a-hoop Scousers slump to a 1-0 defeat in Braga, Portugal, on the telly, and that he was distinctly unimpressed - to such a degree that he actually got up and fed the cat midway through the second half.

After having gone up the shops at half time during this decidedly dreary affair, to buy a couple of beers, Shuttlecock decided later, as he was feeding the cat, that he couldn't be arsed watching another ninety-plus minutes of tedium, so he watched Coronation Street and American Idol instead of the City match.

It was only later that Shuttlecock learned that City had succumbed to a 2-0 defeat at Dinamo Chicken Mini Kiev, after Balotelli was inexplicably found to be suffering from acute hay fever at half time that Shuttlecock finally cheered up.

Long suffering wife Anne, explained:

"He's been a right miserable git since Liverpool stuffed United on Sunday, but both Liverpool and City losing tonight seems to have got his mojo back. Whatever a mojo is. I'm going to bed, and hoping that the lazy sod will load up the dishwasher, but to be honest, I can't see him doing it. He's just sitting there. Purring. And waffling on about goldfish. Heaven knows what that's all about."

More as we get it.

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