Three words: Unicorns. Comma. Bitches. That is, there will be free-roaming unicorns, and those of you readers who happen to be skeptical will, upon being proven wrong, thereafter be referred to as "bitches." With a special appearance by the L O S T Pony!!!1

Henceforth, all volunteers will receive a voucher at the end of their shift.* The voucher will guarantee that the bearer will receive the time slot of their choice, on the stage of their choice, at any ComFest (including the current one).

*Sorry. Only one voucher per volunteer, per day. ComFest is dedicated to saving paper.

To end Comfest, we will be playing a game called "Smash the Stash". We are randomly hiding drugs inside various places and scattering it around. Comfest attendees are encouraged to tear apart anything in order to find the stash. There may be drugs hidden in a variety of places so be sure to tear apart dead bodies, rip down trees, turn up the dirt, tear the stage apart and rip up the trash. It is all fair game. Some drugs will be toxic to seperate the pros from the rookies so don't go get completely dusted without checking/ sharing with the Macguyver of Drugs.

The dick painting station will be manned by the beautiful women of Cahoots.

In order to keep crowds down, Comfest will be operating from 9pm to 4am.

There is a "Thunderdome" stage for all of those tripping balls. DJ Howl Mockery At The Cross will be spinning "bad trip" records to help move the slaughter along. There will be a betting station and we take beer tokens only. NO REAL CURRENCY. You can start the application/ waiver process for the Thunderdome by emailing

The General Planning Committee screwed up Comfest so bad, that even Mark Fisher quit and got "FUCKIT" plates for his car.

OR...the planning committee is trying to be proactive and minimize the impact of the event in the neighborhood, thereby ensuring the longterm viablity of the event in Goodale Park. Fisher stood in the way of a moving train and smartly got out of the way before being run over. Maybe if entertainment was more proactive many of these issues would not have come to a head now.

none, the closing times are earlier, primarily to assist in clean up and reduce the knucklehead behavior after dark.

Ol' Lazyfish is back for the annual contribution to the comfest discussion! Too bad LF decided to enter the fray in a satire thread.

I heard that for 2010 Comfest wasn't going to advertise or promote at all in order to cut down on crowd size w/out having to compormise the festival itself. Ooops, that would make sense...wrong thread howz about they just start a rumor that Comfest is cancelled & instead there will a large gathering of undercover cops & fedz with dredz at Goosedale all weekend

Facts were bound to start seeping in, and I probably shouldn't have assumed that people would've a) seen the "rules" for my idea in the CRIP thread or b) understood the significance of the word "Libel" in the title. So before this starts getting really confusing or, heaven forbid, informative:

abstraction wrote:

Anyhow, I'm working on a way to take the ComFest rumor genre in a new direction. I would like to see if I could get something into the mill that causes unreasonably high expectations.(...)I'm talking about going in the complete opposite direction, like ComFest is extra free. Everyone gets 2 free tokens for beer and one new token for drugs. That sort of thing.

Jeb's got it exactly right; RR's is a little too convincing. My goal was to satirize the ludicrous sense of entitlement that surrounds ComFest every year, but not to create, you know, actual libel.

Ok, I was given a greenlight to release this to Donewaiting first. Duffy, where is my $200?

Marshall Barnes will have his time travel machine at Comfest. It is not a hot tub (lawsuit pending, motherfuckers). It is a tanning machine. There are 100 slots for people wanting to travel through time. There is one catch, all participants must have a below average IQ or be an all around asshole (myself not included). The reason for this is so they can (hopefully) Marty McFly themselves and eradicate their persona from history. This will be set up ala suprise reality show where many people are involved in "getting rid of" the assholes. We will snap polaroid pictures of the assholes. Once they are sent to whatever year they want to go to we will then watch their image disappear.

Marshall and Comfest have given you, posters at donewaiting, the opportunity to have first dibs on who "goes" first. He has reserved the first 10 slots for donewaiting nominations exlusively.

If you have any questions for Marshall and what SPF sunscreen you should wear, please direct them to

Ok, I was given a greenlight to release this to Donewaiting first. Duffy, where is my $200?

Marshall Barnes will have his time travel machine at Comfest. It is not a hot tub (lawsuit pending, motherfuckers). It is a tanning machine. There are 100 slots for people wanting to travel through time. There is one catch, all participants must have a below average IQ or be an all around asshole (myself not included). The reason for this is so they can (hopefully) Marty McFly themselves and eradicate their persona from history. This will be set up ala suprise reality show where many people are involved in "getting rid of" the assholes. We will snap polaroid pictures of the assholes. Once they are sent to whatever year they want to go to we will then watch their image disappear.

Marshall and Comfest have given you, posters at donewaiting, the opportunity to have first dibs on who "goes" first. He has reserved the first 10 slots for donewaiting nominations exlusively.

If you have any questions for Marshall and what SPF sunscreen you should wear, please direct them to

I really like this idea, but didn't anyone in the committe consider the "butterfly effect" (named for the most accurate time travel reference of the 3 mentioned so far and everything else ever written)? How do we know that one of those assholes wasn't meant to kill a worse asshole, or what if one of the oafs manages to destroy the formula for the internet or something? You should have them take Polaroids of good things too, so we can tell that they haven't been affected. Problem SOLVED. Can't wait!

Oh crap...What if, whilst in the past, they break the camera that we will be using to take the Polaroids?? Planning festivals is hard.