by Lindsay H. Jones, USA TODAY Sports

by Lindsay H. Jones, USA TODAY Sports

Crennel didn't join his team on the field at Arrowhead Stadium until midway through pregame warm-ups, until it was just over 30 minutes until kickoff. When Crennel finally emerged from the locker room, he zigged and zagged his way through his players, patting guys on the shoulder, shaking hands, exchanging hugs.

No one would have blamed Crennel if he hadn't shown up at all.

But Crennel, 65, is a football coach and has been, at some level, for more than half his life. Crennel knows nothing different than joining his players on Sunday afternoon, so there he was on an unseasonably warm Sunday afternoon in December, just a day after he watched one of his players fatally shoot himself outside of the team's practice facility.

Crennel, general manager Scott Pioli and an assistant coach were the last people to speak to linebacker Jovan Belcher on Saturday morning, in between the time Belcher allegedly killed his girlfriend, and then himself. Police said Belcher thanked Crennel and the Chiefs before firing one bullet into his head.

Crennel was interviewed by police Saturday morning, and then walked into a meeting to tell 60 players what he had seen and what Belcher had done. A day later, Crennel did not want to relive those horrible moments.

"I'm choosing not to answer any questions about what I saw yesterday. I think that you will understand that, and hopefully you will respect my wishes on that, because it wasn't a pretty sight," Crennel said, standing at a podium after his team's 27-21 win against the Carolina Panthers. "I'm choosing not to talk about it."

Crennel chose to coach Sunday because he believed his players needed his leadership. How, he thought, could he ask them to begin the process of moving on if he couldn't provide the first example? Crennel prides himself on having an "even-keel" demeanor, a trait often missing from the legions of NFL head coaches.

"I felt like I would be able to handle it, and I knew I had to be strong for the players in that locker room, and they needed to see a strong individual lead them," Crennel said.

Crennel described experiencing a range of "highs and lows" since the time he saw Belcher in the parking lot Saturday morning through the closing seconds of his team's win Sunday afternoon. Somehow, in spite of everything, the Chiefs played their best game of the year against the Panthers.

Quarterback Brady Quinn threw two touchdowns â?? his only touchdowns since 2009, when he was the starting quarterback for Crennel's Cleveland Browns. Two other players, Peyton Hillis and Jonathan Baldwin, scored their first touchdowns of the season as the Chiefs, a team that hadn't scored more than 20 points since Sept. 30, earned their first home win of the year.

Hillis, after scoring his first-quarter touchdown, jogged to the sideline and straight into Crennel's arms. Hillis handed his touchdown ball to his coach.

"I'm sure he looks at all of us sort of as his kids, and to add on to that having to witness it, it's something that I'm sure he'll never be able to forget. That's got to be so much tougher than just losing somebody," Winston said.

Crennel spent a long time with his team in the locker room after the game before finally venturing out for his first public comments since the murder-suicide. He was careful to offer his condolences and prayers to Perkins' family, Belcher's family and to the couple's daughter, Zoey, an orphan before turning three months.

"We're grieving for all involved," Crennel said. "You have to rely on each other, rely on your family and friends, and rely on your faith. That's what this team tried to do today, and we were able to do that and try to work our way through the tragedy, and knowing that it's not over today. It's still going to go on tomorrow, the next day and the next day. Life is going to go on as well, and we have to work through it."

Chiefs players echoed the same as they stood in front of their lockers. There was little talk of football, instead players tried to reconcile the conflicting information about teammate they knew with their new reality.

Teammates remembered Belcher as a hard-working, passionate teammate, a guy who worked his way from undrafted rookie to starting linebacker, who sat in the front row of meetings and helped lead the in-game huddles.

They didn't know the side of Belcher that led him to fatally shoot Perkins, then drive to the Chiefs' training facility and kill himself. They didn't know the man who would leave his infant daughter an orphan.

"It's hard on everyone to try to do the right thing and present him in the right way, but also reconcile what happened yesterday. I don't think there's ever going to be a right way to do it," tackle Eric Winston said.

Despite a frustrating season in which it took until the first weekend of December to record their second win, the Chiefs maintain they have a strong locker room, with strong leaders. Quarterbacks Brady Quinn and Matt Cassel have shown it. Winston has shown it, and so has linebacker Derrick Johnson, among others.

Quinn was on the verge of tears in his postgame news conference on a day that he should have been celebrating his best game as a pro in years, if not ever. Instead, Quinn revealed plans he and his teammates are making to collect money to help financially support Zoey.

"Trying to understand the situation was tough, or get a sense of what had happened and who it now is going to affect," Quinn said. "Understanding that it's going to affect the Perkins family, the Belcher family, his daughter â?? for many, many years to come, not just today or in the next few days or weeks."