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Yesterday I went to the GUM clinic in the UK to get my results. I knew that something was up for the fact they have rung me and also wouldn't tell me what had been found. For the first time in many tests I've had I actually knew this time, but a little part of me is thinking ya never know I might not be.

I got there to be told the awful news at 9.30am and I broke down. I knew I haven't been an angel sexually, but I still can't believe it.

I now have nobody to talk to and can't bear to talk to any of close family for the fact I know they are ashamed of me. Neither do I have close friends to even chat to and for obvious reasons don't want to tell just 'normal' friends, because I don't want it spread around the local gay scene.

So I now I have nowhere to turn and wonder with life in general. I've been reading stuff where people won't date people with HIV and even when I was negative I never used to go on dates with people, never mind now I am positive. I just don't know what is the point of life now and I can't believe how stupid I have been.

I am 21, my life is over and if I am lucky enough might only reach 50.

Hi NewTime,Welome to the forums. No your life isn't oveer. You just got some bad news so its typical to feel that way in the beginning. I certainly had the same thoughts. Just take a breather and let the doctors do their thing. Go get your checkup with HIV doc to see where you are with the Viral load and CD4's..

As far as dating is concerned, there is no reason you shouldn't be able to date, there are guys out there that don't have any issues with dating positive guys. I personally prefer to go out with guys that are positive, but this is just a personal preference. There are guys on here that are in sero-discondant relationships and have no issues.

You certainly have friends to talk to on here. Also try to find some local support groups in your area. I'm sure some folks on here can guide you in the right direction. There are a few members that life in your area if i can remember correctl

Just try not to beat yourself up. things will get better it just takes some time to get your mind wrapped around it all.

You're barely 24 hours into your new life. Take a walk, eat as normally as you can, sleep AND I'll share with you what I did early on.

I picked a few people close to me whom I knew would be supportive--and told them. They were great! And, I watched as much comedy -- shows, comedians, movies, etc. as I could. I've not laughed as much since ('cept sometimes on these forums as we have some truly funny members).

You're going to make it through this. Tell yourself that. Pace yourself. Take long relaxing showers or baths, too.

When I tested positive a couple months ago I also thought my life was over, then I found this forum and the people on here helped, I also found a really good doctor who did my first cd4 count which was 85 and my vl was 93,000, being told I had aides was so scary. My doctor then put me on atripla and two weeks later I am now indictable and my cd4 count went up to 143 so yes it is very scary to be told your positive but don't let it control who you are because there is life and a very good one after being told. Take care and if you want to talk I am here

I'm sorry to hear your news, but you have come to a great place for support. I've been living with HIV for 27 years and I can safely say you are not going to die anytime soon. I still remember the day I got my results and all I can offer is that things will get better. Right now, just allow yourself to feel, whatever it is you need to feel, without the need to do anything about anything. Also try and remember that just because you may feel something, does not make it true.

Em gave you great advice on telling someone and keeping yourself busy. I know your head is swimming with all these thoughts and feelings and it's a perfectly normal reaction. Nobody can prepare us for times like these, but we have been where you are and we are here for you, however you need us to be.

Your life ain't over, man. It sure feels like it in the beginning, but slowly you'll see nothing has really changed. Sure, now you have to do some blood tests regularly, and take meds when the time comes, but nothing stops you from living way over 50. It's not a matter of luck, today's treatment is highly effective, unlike 20, 30 years ago. And as you can see, there are people here living with HIV for more years than your whole life.

Take your time to absorb everything, and like Em said, do things that you like, that make you laugh, so you don't think too much about it, it can drive you nuts. And don't worry about telling others: do it only when you feel like it and to people you really trust. In the meantime, you have this forum to talk about it.

First, welcome to the forums. You'll find some great people here and wealth of information and support. I certainly understand how your mind is going 100mph dealing with this and trying to decide on the course of your future and what that future holds.

There are MANY of us here who have been living with this virus longer than you've been living and we can assure you that your life isn't over, it's simply different. I too was diagnosed at age 21 when there wasn't much of a life expectancy. But that isn't the case today. With proper medical care, you can still thrive and accomplish most of the goals you previously had.

Feel free to ask us anything, we'll be glad to help you work through this.

Hey mate, please don't be feeling that your life is over. It's really not. I was diagnosed on 1 dec 2011 (world aids day) at 23.

I've come along way in the last couple of months and had a lot of up and down days. The key is knowledge and support. You need to find people to talk to wether it is people in the gum clinic who are very knowledgeable, your best friend etc. also,vunderstand what is happening inside your body. It helped me when I was able to understand it and answer my friends questions when they asked.

If you want to chat feel free to drop me a pm.

The most important thing is to realise that this is no worse than diabetes or any other chronic illness.

I thought that but it would surprise you in the UK people aren't as uneducated about it as you would think. Even in NI I have found a few guys to talk about it with.

But listen mate that's down the line. Concentrate on yourself first before thinking about future relationships. Eat healthiy, get plenty of exercise and most importantly rest well too. Sleep is very important.

You might not find someone tomorrow but you will eventually. All the possibilities of life are still yours my friend. Seriously.

Itís still very fresh and raw right now. Give it some time, in time you wonít even think much about it and will carry on much like before. I agree with the other members who said that you should do something to keep your mind busy. Play sport, go to the cinema, hang out with your friends, listen to music- anything that you enjoy.

You are still YOU. But now, you also have an infection to manage- that's all.

The biggest battle can sometimes be against oneís own mental demons. In time, youíll find a way of keeping them in check, I promise. And once you do, youíll love and appreciate yourself much more.

We have the luxury of living in a time and place where an understanding and treatment of HIV is completely different than it was even 15 years ago. Also, the sooner a preventative vaccine is discovered, the sooner the stigma will disappear. HIV will no longer be seen as a threat to the human population, and attitudes will change. There are also some remarkable drugs available today. Check out the most recent data that indicates that, even if no new drugs were introduced, and if somehow the field of HIV research suddenly stopped today, a 20 year old person could live until 69 years old with the medicine and care that is currently available, assuming that you don't smoke, abuse drugs or alcohol, or have hepatitis b or c. I suspect that this number will increase to a normal life span as new treatments are approved. Who knows, you may even live longer and healthier than your peers now that you are aware that life just became more precious. I also wouldn't dismiss the current clinical advances in gene therapy (SB-728T) and the possibility of new drugs like HDAC inhibitors. You and I may very well bear witness to a suite of "functional" cures within our lifetime. Be strong, man. Life just got a little harder, but you're still here...and you will be for a very long time.

Being diagnosed is truly a difficult thing to come to terms with. I recently came across this documentary and it has affected me drastically. What is the truth about HIV and AIDS?

Being diagnosed I was became a wreck, I couldn't talk to my gay friends, they were always so nasty to people whom they suspected was positive. I was lucky that I had a best friend in my sister. She was the only one I confided in. I realized soon afterwards that I had to find my own strength and deal with the reality of my situation. It wasn't easy, I was a wreck for about a year. If there is a therapist at the local clinic you should speak with them, they have seen and heard it all and I truly believe that they can help.

I recently came across this documentary and it has affected me drastically. What is the truth about HIV and AIDS?

Edited by Ann to remove link to denialist disinformation. Repeatedly posting denialist disinformation in these forums will lead to a permanent ban from these forums.

I'm sorry to hear of your recent diagnosis. It's good you found this forum, the support and understanding you will receive here will help you get through the same terribly trying time a new diagnosis brought most of us. Trust me, we say this from experience.

Life is not over.

I know this is overwhelming right now, but over time it will simmer down to less of a worry. Yes, there will still be love for you, and it will even present the same challenges it did before you were diagnosed.

Anyways, it's been a few days since you last posted. Check in, let us know that you're ok. I hope you are.

I am sorry your so-called "friends" in the gay community are vicious towards known or suspected Positive persons. Chances are strong that a few of them will become positive themselves, thanks to the stigma they are perpetuating.

You know this, of course.

The link you posted will, I imagine, be shortly removed because it posts to a HIV denialist YouTube video. We explicitly forbid those things in our site, as they are insanely dangerous.

If you would like to start a thread in "Living With" about denialism, please feel free to do so. We have all the information - the actual science - necessary to discuss these things at length. We also have more than one first hand account of members of this forum who believed in and preached/practiced denialism. I would suggest you speak to one, but they are all dead.

If you have access to treatment, there are not an awful lot of reasons why HIV should progress to AIDS and kill you. But refusing treatment is one of those ways. Also, denialists often claim that HIV is not a killer virus, and have unprotected sex with HIV negative persons - often lying about their status - because they believe HIV to be a benign virus. This is wrong on so many levels.

To the Original Poster - I hope you return to these forums. They are designed to be a safe place to discuss your fears and to help you on your journey. They have been created as a way to share scientific information that is accurate and state-of-the-art. And in the rare instances when either of these two missions fail, it is dealt with swiftly and with no regrets.

You will find no judgment here, no bullshit.

And you can live to be 100 if the fates allow, HIV or not.

Logged

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

I'm in the same situation I'm 19 and tested positive. I am a gay guy but I never expected it to be. I went just tagging along with my boyfriend to a GUM clinic and got a rapid HIV test randomly In this week I felt a lot of emotions anger, disgust and I even laughed at the result. My viral load is at just 400 and my CD4 count is 860 so its a new infection. My boyfriend is supporting me a lot even attends my appointments with me im happy to have him. I was afraid at first thought everyone would just walk away from me but everyone has been supportive. This thread has been helpful. My health assistant has been brilliant. Is possible to make a judgement from my current CD4 and viral load when treatment will it be a long time or is each individual different.

First, welcome to the forum: as others have said already, you will find a wealth of information here, as well as a ready ear and support when you need it. There are good people on this site who are incredibly knowledgeable: don't hesitate to ask any questions you want.

I think most if not all of us can relate to what you are feeling right now. When I was diagnosed (2007) I thought the world had come to an end. It seemed like HIV was the first thing I thought about in the morning and the last thing I thought about at night, and there were some very, very dark times indeed. But I discovered that I was not alone in this, and I hope that you will find that you don't need to be alone either.

Life may have changed, but it is not ended. You haven't somehow stopped being who you are. You haven't become a virus, or unloveable, and you are not suddenly going to die (just to put it in context, the oldest patient in the clinic I attend is 92). Be gentle with yourself and give yourself time to adjust. And remember, you don't have to tell everyone you meet - or even anyone at this time. Above all, don't feel that you have to deal with your whole future today. In fact, don't try to deal with any of your future today.

I'm also in the UK, and so are a number of other members of the forum - drop one or another of us a PM if you want to. I hope that you will find, as I did, that there are great resources out there to support you and give you the information you need. And because you are in the UK, you will not have to worry about paying for medications; any clinical support you may need now or in the future is there for you; it won't cost you a penny and it won't go away. In fact what you will probably discover, as I did, is that you get better medical care and attention now than at any time in your life.

I hope that you will keep coming back here and that you will take time to read the information sections this website offers. They are very good. Also, have a look at what other people have posted here. There is a lot of humanity and wisdom on these pages, and - believe it or not - the laughs are good too.

It feels dark in there: believe me, I know. But as I said before, you are not alone.

Was the test an antibody test or a PCR? Of course, the best result will be a false positive, but it might be a good idea to begin planning a strategy in the event that it is not. For one, a PCR is more indicative than an antibody test, because viral load and cd4 numbers are important. I would take this time to find out what type of health insurance you have, and the details, such as if it's aPPO, HMO, etc, if there's a deductible, if you need referrals,etc. . If you do not have ins, perhaps you should begin searching for a program that can help you with medicines, should you choose to begin right away. Also, it would be best to begin working with an HIV specialist. Alot of people, including myself, get caught up with the stigma of the disease, but there is a long list of health problems that come along with HIV. Some, if not most of them can be avoided if the right care is given, so having a game plan would probably be best. It may also prepare you for bad news. Hey, it is what it is. Prayer and hope isn't going to change something that already is. If it's a false positive, than AWESOME. If not, you'll probably feel like you can handle the next steps if you are prepared. Feel free to ask questions.

Any positive PCR result would still need to be confirmed with antibody testing and Western Blot testing if the antibody result is positive. The OP is in the UK, so he would have been first tested with antibody testing.

PCR testing for diagnostic purposes is rare in the UK and when it is used, they only use RNA PCR testing, as DNA PCR testing is very prone to false positive results.

However, false positive results can also happen with RNA PCR testing, so it is only used when there is a clear and present danger of infection. Even then, any positive RNA PCR result must be confirmed with antibody and WB testing.

But you do raise a good question.

New Time, did you only have a positive rapid test result, or has your diagnosis been confirmed with further testing?

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

I was 22 when I received my diagnosis, and it made me wonder if everything I expected to happen in life (love, career, family, etc.) would still happen. And so far, everything seems to continue the way it was going. I've been very busy with school and work, as much as I would have been without HIV hehe I've had lows and highs relationship-wise, and I'm now dating a really nice guy. I've dated guys who were also positive, other who were negative ; you'll find people who'll see what's inside you and not just some random HIV tag.

If you feel alone and need to find people to talk to, I am sure you can join some community group close to where you are.

hey bud i was reading your post and it really hit home. I was diagnosed on feb 09th of this year. I'm 22 years old and i'm in Canada , so i can relate because i had all those thoughts and feelings very recently. I wanted to tell you that the future looks so bright, being diagnosed in the year 2012 is so different than it was ten years ago. Many studies suggest that our life expectancy is not diminished if we start taking the drugs pormptly....but i'm sure you have heard all of this before , i just wanted to let you know that there are people out there that are experiencing very similar situations ( me being one of them) i can relate and i can only say that if you wanna chat to someone who is in pretty much the same boat as you just gimme a shout through this website

hi newtime got tested back in nov of 2011 came back poz but been on atripla everything is good the dr couldn't be happier from the results of the last blood test was 223 cd4 v/l was 240k now 350 cd4 so the meds are working and it will for u as well just hang in there

Hi. I think it's amazing that you found these forums just one day after getting your diagnosis. That is a very good first step. Hopefully, you will be able to find some local support there where you live. I used to go to a support group that helped me out a lot. Your dating life is far from over. There are a lot of people out there who are educated enough these days to know that as long as they use condoms, they don't have to worry about dating/having sex with an HIV+ person. Take care of yourself, and you're likely to live way past 50 as well. I certainly respect what you're feeling right now, but in time you'll start feeling better. Be kind to yourself right now. Love yourself. You're going to be ok.