wow Sarah that's a really a good story but you kind of put allot of detail into Noel Vera and you put like 3 paragraphs of Noel in there and rarely any any stuff about the main character
i love Sophie Vera

awe. the ending was just horrable. i meanit was well writen and everything but it just... made me want to punch Robbie out. and Noel sounds alotolder than... well she seems the same age if not older than Sophie. ok two random conections to this storie.

I know a Sophie and a Noel but thei mother and daughter.

Right after robbie said that he was going to call my mom called. like the phone rang before i was even able to start reading the next scentance. cool huh.

Obviously I can't say much on this, since it IS just one chapter. But I'll say what I can. It definitely needs work. I'm not trying to be mean, but it felt like to me that you were kind of jumping around a bit. The mood constantly went from happy to serious to happy to serious. Just keep one or two and stick with it. And another thing, don't reference Twilight. Just take that out completely. I don't know if it was supposed to be funny or just an add in, it just didn't fit. And last, try not to make the whole cheating thing on Facebook so obvious. It bothered me that they were talking so obviously, even though Robbie knew that she was friends with him.

Okay, last last thing I promise! I don't know how far you are going to take Brittany as a character, but based on the description you give, it seems to me that she should be acting like a stupid prep. The convo between Robbie and Brittany, seems too lovey-dovey, like two 30-year olds in a relationship. Dumb it down a bit. But, I love that last line. So ominous! What will she do? Work on it, I'm intrigued!

This is a review on the question of this story being "publishable". On the assumption that this opening chapter is the pilot, I will judge this story so. Any analysis or prediction is based solely on this chapter.

For Characters:

Sophie Vera Protagonist: A certain version of normal. The story will be seen through her eyes, and this subjective approach is decent. Again, this is a certain version of normal: Her reactions are expected and her normal behavior can easily relate to people. I call it a character's quirk, and her quirk is the "Channel Seven News" - I predict that this will be how she'll react and handle her problems. This same channel would be used to "channel" out her emotions and this serves to mirror the characters' personality. It would be interesting if you contradict her narration with her actions involving "Channel Seven News".

Noel Vera Somewhat of a foil to Sophie if there should be one. A troubled child, which should drive the plot. Since Noel is an alternate name for 'Christmas', then it can be suggested that she is an alternate representation of Christmas, which is interesting because of her current characterization. How that symbol, if there is one, will be used is up to you.

Robbie Antagonist? Or just part of a bigger conflict? There isn't much to say.

...

Your style in this piece is very detail oriented. I like how well you present it, but I personally dislike details for the sake of details. I'm sure a lot of people like this style, and if they do then go on ahead with it and not mind me. As long as the references serve the plot or characterization, then I won't mind it.

The story could or couldn't be written. This beginning is "okay". I believe that two or three chapters would help solidify this story so readers can better decide to continue reading or to drop it. Let me know if you decide to add on to this chapter.