You’ve always wanted to write like a firebagger, but you didn’t know how to achieve that stunning mix of seething anger, logic-defying rhetoric and mind-boggling incoherence. Well, it’s easy with Bag Libs™*!

Just supply an appropriate word for each item on the following list, and insert them into the handy template after the jump. Then go out and impress your friends, neighbors and relatives with your custom made Firebagger manifesto!

(Note: Bag Libs™ is not responsible for loss of friends, neighbors, relatives, blood or teeth.)

Ever since President Nobama entered the [Place Name], this country has been going to hell in a [Noun]! The Democrats – who are worse than the [Plural Noun] – are [Adverb] in thrall to the big business corporatist interests. One has only to consider their refusal to give all Americans, free health care and a [Mythical Animal] to know I’m right!!

Today, I’m [Verb that ends in –ing] on all Democrats to teach these shills and their Obot [Plural Noun] a lesson. On November 2, [Verb] Republican. Some people will tell you this is a [Adjective] thing to do. They’ll say Americans will suffer [Adverb] as a result. They’ll even cyber-[Verb] you! Don’t [Verb] to these racist, sexist, homophobic [Plural Body Part]!!! In just [Number] years the Democrats will understand how angry we are and do their best to make the country a [Adjective] place for the survivors.