I am no stranger to Weight Watchers. I weighed 100 pounds when I was in kindergarten. I had hip surgery when I was 11. My mom took me to meetings when I was 12, and I have been going off and on ever since. I have tried Atkins, South Beach, LA Weight Loss and a host of other diets, all to no avail.

The problem is that I am not very motivated to lose weight. I don’t really care that it affects my health. I am not that into my looks. I just haven’t been able to find the right motivation to stick to any of those plans.

I am also hypothyroid, so losing weight is very difficult and even a little painful for me.

I topped out at 289 pounds. Then I began to lose weight without even trying. I had very bad pains in my stomach region and was vomiting a lot. I found out that I also have pancreatitis. My doctor said that my pancreatic ducts were blocked so that the pancreatic enzymes were actually digesting the gland itself. I got treatment, and that was enough motivation for a while. Between the illness and my efforts to stay well I got down to about 190.

But then the recession hit. I didn’t have enough money during my layoff to buy my medicine, so I quit taking it. Maintaining my weight seems to have helped me keep from recurring.

Now that I am back to work, however, I have also let my diet slide. I have money to buy what I want to eat again, and I have been going a little crazy with it.

About two weeks ago, my knee started to hurt for no apparent reason. Then I got the crazy BP reading (155/63). Not good. So I started to think about going back on some kind of diet program. It still wasn’t enough to get me moving, though.

Before I go any further, I want to State one fact. Any health based diet programwill work if you are motivated to work it. I know this from my own experience, and it is absolutely true.

I have a crapload of minor motivations. There is my health, the need to boost my self-esteem. There is the fact that I never went to the prom or had a wedding, and I want the dress. I promised myself the dress when I graduate from the maintenance program. There is the You Tube video of me reading my poetry in public that got a very bad review. There all the jeers, teasing and cruelty that I have had to endure since I was little, and the promise that I can stick my new svelte body in those people’s faces if I succeed. But all this isn’t enough.

So, what made me rejoin last Sunday, and why do I think I will make it this time?

It has to do with Jesus, Nanowrimo and a little boy.

The Nanowrimo taught me that I can choose a task and stick to it just because that’s what I made my mind up to do.

Jesus said that if you teach a child a bad thing, you should have a millstone tied around your neck and be tossed into the sea (Matt 16:6).

And then there is David. David is my sister’s youngest son. My sister and I share a house to save with expenses, and her children have come and gone during my time here. I love them all, but David holds a special place in my heart because he was born after I moved into my sister’s house and has lived with me for his entire life. I have done my best to help her raise him, which has its challenges because he suffers from Asperger’s Syndrome.

David went to the pediatrician last week and weighed in at 171 pounds. He is only 11. He loves to eat like I do, and I can’t help think that he probably learned that from me. To make it worse, the Aspergers affected his appetite while he was still little. He used to love to eat things like oranges and tomatoes, now he hates them.

I’m not his mother. I can have some influence here, but I have no real power. I can’t be the one to choose his food or to make him eat what what’s good for him. My sister is trying, but she’s not that good at it. She got the hyperthyroid instead of the hypo, and she actually had to take medicine to keep from losing weight, so she is not well versed in what she should be giving him. She will learn eventually, I’m sure, but it might take a while.

So I joined WW for myself, because I both want and need to work the program, and I joined for both Jesus and for David, because I think the best way for me to teach him is to set a good example. I am hoping that when he sees me losing weight and becoming healthy that he will become interested in finding out about what I am doing. I think it will work, because he has already begun to talk to me about it.

So, Sunday afternoon I joined the Weight Watcher’s online program. I like the online because it is less expensive than going to the meetings, and I don’t think that I am financially or emotionally ready for the meetings yet.

As I said at the beginning of this story, I joined on impulse, and right after I clicked the button that paid my bill and gave me access, I realized that I already set myself up for my first challenge. I had only about thirty dollars left (no mac, checks or credit cards), had very little food in the house, and I was set to work double shifts almost all week. There was not much time for me to prepare. I also had very few resources.

I went to the WalMart to go shopping. I bought light bread, some lettuce, and a whole lot of Weight Watcher’s prepackaged meals. I figured that this would carry me through until the next Saturday when I could go shopping again, and with the use of my coupons I came in under budget.

I weighed in at 200 pounds that day.

My plan for this week worked. I showed a 3.5 pound loss when took my weight this Sunday morning. I still have a lot of challenges, but this time I think I have the determination to make it. Finally.

Why are Americans fat? : The New YorkerBOOKS about recent publications on the fat epidemic, obesity, and overeating. Writer tells about Katherine Flegal, a researcher at the Centers for Disease and Control and Prevention. Reviewing data from the National Health and Nutrition Examination S

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