I Can’t

Where darkness lies
Between my mind and the deep blue skies
Between the smiles and the laughter
The tears that come after
When I’m alone
At 3am scrolling through my phone
Needing someone to save me from destruction
Can’t think of an introduction
So I convince myself I’m okay
It’s not that serious, I’m just being dramatic, It’s not that important
False alarm
So I disarm
Mechanically go about my days
Only a shell remaining like my soul has parted ways
Each week just a haze
I’m okay, I’m okay
I’m not okay. I wasn’t okay. Will I ever be ?
Digging deep in my happiest memories
Was I really happy ?
Or was I again just pretending
An actress in this movie of life with a role that’s never ending
I’m alright, I’m okay
Except when I’m alone
Forced to replay in my mind the things I’ve tried to forget
I can’t deal on my own
I can’t deal on my own
I can’t deal on my own