Category Archives: Triathlon

Randi asked me to guide her through Ironman Texas shortly after we completed 70.3 Texas together last April. I’m always so surprised, flattered, and grateful when a visually impaired athlete asks me to guide them in a race – especially when it’s a race as important as an Ironman. I know it sounds strange to say that I feel surprised when someone asks me to guide an Ironman, given how many I’ve completed as a guide, but that’s just how my brain works. I never take it for granted that someone like Randi would willingly tie herself to me for 140.6 miles.

One of my favorite cycling photos of all-time. Scott Flathouse captured this picture of me and Randi during 70.3 Texas 2017.

I should note that Randi and I decided to race Ironman Texas before I had any idea that I would be guiding Kona, as well. So, instead of having a year to train for one Ironman, I had six months to prepare for Kona and then six months to rest, mentally recover from the Ironman World Championship, and prepare for Ironman Texas.

Often, I meet blind/visually impaired athletes through social media or through friends of friends. The story behind how I met Randi is a little bit different.

In early 2014, I was going through a rough time. I had moved to Texas from NYC six months earlier, and I hadn’t really figured out what I was going to do with my life. I had also taken a long break from training when I moved to Texas, which is completely unlike me. So, I was desperately searching for some motivation, when I started emailing local groups that supported the blind/visually impaired community. Guiding has been the one constant in my life since 2008, even when every other area of my life seemed to be falling apart.

I sent a message to the Austin chapter of the National Federation for the Blind, asking if any of their members might want me to guide them for a run. Kimberly Aguillard wrote back quickly. She was the president of the local chapter and had never run with a guide!

Kimberly and I went on a couple of runs together in Austin. I really enjoyed getting to know her. She was such an accomplished and driven person! I was sad when I learned that her move from Austin to Houston was imminent. I credit her with reigniting my desire to train!

I took this selfie of me and Kimberly after our first run together, on March 25th, 2014. Kimberly is smiling and looking slightly down. I am smiling and looking at the camera.

Back to the point of the story – Randi and Kimberly have been best friends for many years. A year or so after Kimberly and I met, Randi had just begun training for her first triathlon and Kimberly suggested that she reach out to me! I encouraged Randi to attend the Dare2Tri Paratriathlon Camp in June of 2016, and in April of 2017, we did a half Ironman together.

Race Week:

I flew to Minneapolis the Tuesday before our race, to give a couple of presentations for my job. Normally, I would avoid traveling the week of an Ironman, but I thought it might be fun to fly to Houston with Randi. Randi and I had dinner together the night before our flight. It did not feel like we were going to toe the line of an Ironman in a matter of days. I knew it would start to feel real when we got to Texas.

After landing in Houston, Randi and I drove straight to athlete registration. We both got athlete wrist bands, swim caps, and timing chips.

I wanted to make sure we got off our feet, so we didn’t stick around the expo for very long. After having lunch at a nearby restaurant, we drove to our home stay to clean up before dinner.

Ironman races are incredibly expensive, when you consider race entry fees (which guides do not have to pay), flights, rental cars, equipment costs, and lodging, so we were incredibly grateful to my good friend, Arnie Lachner, and his wife, Kelli, for opening their home to us. I was especially glad that they had three little dogs! I always miss Peanut and Cashew when I’m on the road.

Randi and I made it to the athlete dinner in time to hear Mike Reilly kick off the event. We sat with some good friends and Team RWB teammates.

Towards the end of the dinner, we got to see the Ironman Minute video that BCC Live filmed during our trip to Boulder in March. We spent several hours filming, so we had no idea what parts of our interview they would use. About a minute into the video, I saw that they had used some footage from Kona, that I’d never seen before. When I saw a clip of Helen’s Kona finish, it felt as if I had been sent right back to that moment. I found myself in tears. (Here is Triathlon Taren’s video of our finish, if you’re interested.)

Randi and I were both really happy with how the video turned out. Dave, Marcus, and Melina made sure to get the message we wanted across – Randi is an athlete and a professional, who just happens to be blind, as well.

After the dinner, we drove to pick my husband, James, up at the airport and headed to Arnie’s to sleep.

Randi and James (the love of my life) standing in transition the day before the race. James helped us every single step of the way over race weekend. He is one of the most generous, thoughtful people on this planet.

The morning before the race, Randi and I tested her bike out (briefly), and then drove to transition to drop the bike off as early as we could. We met up with Randi’s husband, Ryan, who had flown in that morning. Randi, James, Ryan, and I went out to lunch after dropping the tandem off.

Over lunch, I learned something that completely floored me. I knew that Randi had ridden a single bike when she was younger, but I assumed she was able to ride a bike because she has nerves of steel! Randi also grew up in Nebraska, so I figured that she had ridden in an open field or something. Randi has been visually impaired since she was born, but she had some usable vision until just 2 years ago. For some reason (she still does not know why), one day, she abruptly lost most of the rest of her vision. Randi went from being able to see lines on a cross walk, to not being able to see anything that would help her navigate.

What I found most impressive about how Randi handled her sudden vision loss is the way channeled her frustration into a new hobby. Randi started doing triathlons after her vision declined. As if I needed another reason to be in awe of this woman. Here is a Facebook post with some background information on Randi, if you want to learn more about why I think she’s so great.

Race Morning:

James drove us to transition, where Randi and I fought our way through the crowd to get into the actual transition area. We needed to put water and bento boxes on the bike and put some additional food into our T1 and T2 bags. It was simply too jammed with athletes for me to take Randi to the area where bike and run transition bags were laid out. I left Randi with the bike and hurried to drop the essentials in our bags. Before I walked away, I was able to snap a shot of Randi with Mike Reilly (the ultimate Ironman announcer). I felt like that was a good omen for the day.

In transition, we also got to meet the owner of a beautiful green tandem bike. Marcos and his guide, Luis, were attempting their third Ironman together. Marcos and Luis are both from Mexico, and Marcos speaks limited English, so I stumbled through a conversation in Spanish with him. We had also hoped to say hello and good luck to our friend David Kuhn, and his guide, Bruce Hayes, but we didn’t bump into them in transition. David is an indefatigable endurance athlete. Many of my friends, as well as my husband, have had the pleasure of guiding him in various events. You always have a good time when you’re racing with David!

The last time I raced Texas (way back in 2013), I remember having to practically run to swim start with Rachel Weeks, because I completely underestimated how long the walk was going to take us. This time, we built in plenty of time to walk the mile + to North Shore Park.

On the walk to swim start, a few athletes recognized Randi from the Ironman Minute video. Randi isn’t one to seek out attention, but I think we were both happy to know that our fellow competitors were cheering her on!

James helped carry our special needs bags to the park. Randi’s husband, Ryan, also accompanied us. I was so glad that he could be there to see her off!

In the weeks before an ironman, I often find that I simultaneously feel like race day will never arrive and that it will arrive way too soon. That feeling never seems to leave until the gun goes off.

Swim:

The night before the race, James made us a new swim tether out of bungee cord. I love that Randi feels the same way I do about swimming – it’s a necessary evil. She had no interest in going to the Texas practice swim, so our first time swimming with the tether was during the race.

Texas has changed from a mass swim start, to a wave start. I naively assumed that the swim would be more civilized, because racers would start over a period of 30 minutes.

The beginning of the swim was lovely. The three blind athlete/guide teams started right after the professional female athletes. We had ten minutes to get comfortable in the water before the age group athletes started.

Thankfully, James’s swim tether was perfect. The last time Randi and I raced together, her tether was a bit too short, for my liking. The tether length prevented me from taking a full stroke.

I hope Randi doesn’t mind when I share the next detail about our swim. Every other stroke, or so, Randi would punch me in the arm! At least, that’s what it felt like. She was veering slightly towards me, which resulted in a full contact experience. I am laughing as I write this, but I’m sure Randi knew it was happening, and was not pleased.

One of the best parts of the swim was the fact that we had our own personal paddleboard escort. Catapult team member Michelle, paddled behind us for the entire swim. I had no idea just how helpful she would be, until the age group athletes started swimming past us.

The wave start did virtually nothing to thin out the pack. Even with Michelle behind us, athletes were swimming on top of us and trying to swim between us. We had no desire to clothesline any age groupers. But my biggest fear when it comes to athletes trying to swim between us is the thought that someone will pull the tether off of us.

Like most other Ironman swims, this one was incredibly chaotic. I can’t recall exactly how many times I put my foot in someone’s face, but it was more than a few!

Randi is a strong swimmer, so we were not concerned about her ability to make the swim cut off time. I wasn’t worried, at least. Randi’s pace was very consistent throughout the swim. Unfortunately, she experienced some severe calf cramps which slowed her down a little bit. She had to stop three times to hold onto Michelle‘s paddle-board. I tried to give her a calf massage in the water to relieve the cramps. Unfortunately, my hands-on approach was only moderately effective. But Randi pressed on.

When we turned into the canal, I thought we were almost done. Clearly my memory did not serve me well, because the canal was much longer than I remembered. In the canal swimmers were packed together. It felt like I swam with my head out of the water for most of the last 500 meters because I had to remain so vigilant.

The best part of the swim was looking over and seeing James on the shore, along with Randi’s parents and husband. I felt so comforted to know that James was there.

At one point, I noticed that Randi‘s mother, Jan, was motioning to Michele. She seemed to think that Michele was paddling too close to us. She had an incredible look on her face. It was the look of a mother who is concerned that you’re going to hurt her child. I tried to thank Michelle loudly, so that Jan wouldn’t be concerned. James got an unbelievable photo of us swimming while he stood on a bridge above the canal. Based on how close she is to me and Randi in this picture, I can absolutely understand why Jan thought that we were about to get mowed down by Michelle’s board. I’m still blown away by how much control Michelle had over the paddle board!

My husband, James Spencer, took this photo of me and Randi during the swim. You can see us swimming just ahead of the paddle-board. We are wearing light blue swim caps. Swimmers in pink and green caps are on either side of us.

Finally, we turned left around the final buoy to head towards the metal steps that would lead us out of the water. I yelled to the volunteers to let them know that we needed two people to help us up, because Randi and I were tied together.

After just under two hours in the water, Randi and I finished the swim.

Transition 1:

James was our official handler during the race, so he was able to wait for us at the top of the stairs that led us out of the water.

Our friend, Marcus Thomas, was also waiting at the swim exit. He was on site filming the race for BCC Live.

Finisherpix captured a really great picture of James standing in front of Randi, after she exited the water. Randi is holding onto James’ forearms and had a slight smile on her face. I’m standing next to Randi looking quite happy (I’m talking, as usual, and my hand is on her arm). In the photo, Marcus is standing behind us with a video camera.

Swim exit photo. Described in paragraph above.

When Randi and I did 70.3 Texas last year, I somehow managed to run her into an athlete that was on the ground getting her wetsuit taken off by a volunteer, just after we exited the swim. Randi tripped over the athlete and fell to the ground. It was not my finest guiding moment! So in this race, I was very intentional about where we walked, as we approached the wetsuit strippers.

James grabbed both of our transition bags, so that I could focus on navigating Randi through the rows of bags and volunteers safely.

I grabbed the bags from James just before we entered the women’s changing tent.

As a guide, I think I am usually most nervous before the start of an Ironman bike, which is ironic, because the bike leg is the part of the race that I enjoy the most. I think my concerns lie in the fact that so many things can go wrong during a bike ride. Cycling is dangerous, no matter how cautious you are as a rider.

Bike:

Randi and I made good time in transition. I stuffed an entire Smuckers Uncrustable in my mouth as we ran towards Randi‘s Tandem. I never seem to be able to consume enough calories while racing, despite the fact that I eat virtually nonstop. I wanted to refuel before we even began the ride, hence, the PB&J Sandwich.

When we picked up the bike two days before the race, we had a brief panic moment. I assumed that we could swap out the stem on Randi‘s bike to make the cockpit a little bit shorter for me. When I guided Randi and a half Ironman last fall, I was stretched out too much and had severe neck pain after the bike ride. I was nervous about whether or not her bike would even fit me if we couldn’t change the stem. Thankfully, Marcia and Rick at House of Tandems were able to perform a miracle. James took some additional measurements for my bike at home, and Rick was able to figure out a way to fit me to the bike. My position went from being one that would potentially leave me in a great deal of pain, to the most comfortable position I’ve ever ridden in during an Ironman. Thank you over and over again to House of Tandems!

We walked the bike out of transition and approached the bike mount a line. Marcus followed along with a camera as we mounted the bike and tried to keep up a we rode away. I couldn’t stop laughing as I watched him sprinting alongside our bike. What a champion!

This is a photo of me waving to a spectator as Randi and I walk her tandem toward the bike mount line.

Beginning of an Ironman bike is normally quite crowded. Safety is always my primary concern, so we took it really easy for the first few miles of the bike.

I spotted the first crash of many that we would see along the bike route, before we even reached the Hardy Toll Road. A woman was standing on the side of the road with her bike across from an aid station. She appeared to have slipped on a patch of gravel.

I reminded myself to be exceptionally careful as we rode through aid stations.

Shortly after we got onto the Hardy Toll Road, we saw the pro men coming back from their first loop. They looked like they were flying! I was happy to see my friend, Andrew Starykowicz, in the lead. I described the scene to Randi, as well as I could. I tried hard not to turn my head too much when I spoke to her, as an aero helmet turned sideways is anything but aerodynamic!

The first loop of the bike was quite crowded. Every single athlete in the race was on the bike course during that first loop, so there people riding at vastly different speeds. Above all else, my priority while guiding is to keep my athlete (and myself) safe. Though the course got congested at times, there was plenty of room on the road, in general.

As I mentioned earlier, we saw the aftermath of crashes beginning well before we got onto the Hardy Tollway. At one point, I complained to Randi that athletes should have to pass a test before they’re allowed to ride in an Ironman.

Soon, we started seeing packs of riders forming on the other side of the road. The packs were mainly made up of competitive age group athletes. I wondered where all of the officials were. It was the most blatant drafting I’d ever seen in 18 years of racing. And of course, they were all drafting in their aerobars, which was a recipe for disaster. No wonder we’d seen so many casualties along the side of the road.

I am hyper vigilant when I’m piloting; this ride was no exception. Thankfully, Randi and I were able to avoid ugly situations.

Every time another pack would pass going the opposite direction, I would grumble to Randi. I wasn’t sure if she fully understand how egregious it was. When we were passed by a pack of cyclists on our return trip, we could feel the air whooshing by, and I knew that Randi completely understood what I had been talking about.

Blatant drafting and dangerous cyclists aside, Randi’s ride was going incredibly well! Our only goal for the day was to finish in under 17 hours, but I was curious to see how Randi would handle the 112 mile ride, given that she’d been training inside all winter.

Early on in the bike, we’d seen the tandem team from Mexico on the course. They weren’t too far ahead of us, so I secretly hoped that we would catch them, or at least close the gap.

We hadn’t seen David Kuhn and his guide, Bruce, since the beginning of the race, so we were both really pleased when they rode past us after the first turnaround. Randi and I wanted there to be three blind finishers at the end of the day!

Randi and I cheered for David and his guide and I made a joke to David about his fanny pack, though I don’t think he heard me. David had a huge bag dangling from his left side. I guess he packed even more food than I did! Randi and I kept going at our pace after they passed us, though we played leap frog with David and Bruce a couple of times.

I have mentioned a few of the negative aspects of the Texas bike course, but I think it’s important to share some of the awesome and hilarious things we saw while riding:

There were at least three guys riding fat bikes! Fat bikes are like mountain bikes, but the tires are at least double the width. I believe that their original purpose was for snow riding. Needless to stay, they are MUCH slower than road and tri bikes. What a challenge it must have been for the riders! Last year, one guy attempted to do the race on a fat bike, but didn’t make the time cutoff. We actually bumped into him, as well. The coolest thing was that the fat bike riders all seemed to be having so much fun.

My other favorite character was a guy riding an upright a hybrid bike, wearing a camo hydration backpack, a tank top and baggy shorts. He was wearing a commuter helmet and drank maple syrup straight out of the bottle. When we cheered for him as we passed, he squeezed the plastic dinosaur that was mounted on his flat handlebars, and it squeaked! (This guy did make the time cutoff on the bike, but he looked ROUGH on the run. I never did figure out if he finished the race!) I got so excited every time we saw him, because he was such an awesome departure from the stereotypical triathlete.

Finally, I have to give thanks to the volunteers. The bike course volunteers were amazing. They braved the sun and the heat for hours and hours. And they never seemed to lose energy! I’m sure they assisted with crashes, when they occurred near an aid station. Thank you, volunteers! These races wouldn’t exist without you!

Over the 112 mile ride, Randi and I stopped three times, which took a total of 9 minutes. Randi hustled through each stop, so it didn’t cost us much in terms of our average speed. I tried not to get too excited, but I was really stoked about how well Randi was riding. Our average speed was solidly above 17mph, which was was faster than my conservative estimates for our bike pace.

We were lucky enough to do another race where Scott Flathouse was taking photos. Here is a shot of me and Randi on the bike during Ironman Texas. We are both wearing red Handlebar Mustache socks and grey Ownway Apparel kits.

I can’t recall piloting for a cyclist that nailed her pace so consistently during an Ironman bike. Randi maintained the exact same output (as far as I could tell) for the entire ride. Because Randi lives in Minneapolis, she did virtually all of her training on the Wahoo Kickr. The Wahoo really doesn’t let you cheat at all, especially when you’re riding in erg mode, so Randi must have figured out exactly what kind of effort she could maintain. And she did it! You can’t ask for anything more from an athlete competing in an Ironman.

It got really hot towards the end of the bike. There was no cloud coverage on the Hardy Toll Road, and of course, we were in Texas.

The fact that Randi didn’t completely collapse in the heat is astounding to me. She had 18 inches of snow in her back yard just 2 weeks before the race!

Over the last 30-40 miles of the bike, Randi seemed to be feeling a bit uncomfortable. She hadn’t ridden her tandem in months, so it’s not surprising that her fit wasn’t perfect. We coasted some of the downhills so that she could stretch. I also started grabbing extra water bottles at aid stations, so that we could douse ourselves in cold water.

My system was to grab a Gatorade (or water) and hand it right back to Randi. She would put that bottle in her bottle cage, and then I would grab two more bottles before the end of the aid station. I would put one in my bottle cage, and then we’d drink from the third water bottle, pour water on our backs, and toss it before trash zone ended. It took a bit of coordination, but we got it down!

I stole this screenshot from the post-race video. In this picture, I am taking a water bottle from a volunteer at an aid station.

As we neared the end of the Hardy Toll Road, I realized that we were somehow ahead of David and Bruce, as well as the tandem from Mexico. I wasn’t quite sure when we passed them, but I figured we’d see everyone again on the run.

I don’t remember much from the end of the bike, except that I wanted to maintain our speed, without making Randi blow up. It was incredible to think that we were more than 2/3 of the way through the race! Randi was on track to become an Ironman!!!

Transition 2:

After witnessing so many crashes, I was glad to get off the bike. I was also thrilled by how well our ride had gone. Randi rode so fast, we’d built up a huge time cushion for our run.

After handing our bike to James (greatest handler of all-time), we ran through transition to the changing tent. We took off our bike shoes and helmets, changed into dry socks, and put on our running shoes. I had to pull handfuls of trash out of my pockets from all the food I’d eaten on the bike.

I don’t normally carry a ton of food with me during an Ironman run, because the aid stations are well-stocked, but I did make sure to bring my bag of Cool Ranch Doritos. I’d eaten Doritos during the half ironman Randi and I did in September of 2017, and they tasted amazing! They replaced my normal stash of salt and vinegar chips.

After a few minutes in the sticky changing tent, we were ready to begin our marathon.

Run:

It was hot when we started the run. I told Randi that it might make sense to walk for a bit so we could evaluate how she was feeling. We were both wearing hats, so I made sure to fill our hats with ice, whenever I could.

We both took a moment to think about the fact that we were actually on part three of her Ironman! Barring a crazy medical event, Randi wasn’t going to have any issues finishing this race in under 17 hours.

James got a photo of me and Randi coming out of T2. You can see the bag of Doritos in my left hand. Half of the run consisted of Randi trying to understand what I was saying as I shoved chips into my mouth.

Starting the run! Holding a bag of Doritos!

The Ironman Texas run is 3 loops. The benefit of a multi-loop course is that you’re rarely alone. It’s easier for spectators to get to different points on the course, when the loop is shorter. The Texas course runs along a canal in the Woodlands. It feels like a giant party during a few sections of the course. Texas spectators are outstanding – their energy was off the charts!!!

The day before the race, I posted a plea to anyone who planned to spectate. I wanted the people in costumes to describe themselves to Randi. I thought it would be fun for her to hear a guy describe himself as “the hottest guy in Texas” or something absurd like that.

We did encounter some really fun groups of spectators within the first couple of miles.

In this photo, Randi Strunk and I have just encountered the Moxy folks on the course. There is a guy in some kind of mask. It’s hard to tell in the photo. he’s wearing a speedo and is holding a pinwheel in his hand. He’s clearly cheering for me and Randi. I look delighted and thrilled! Randi and I are running in this photo. Behind us, there’s another Moxy guy in a speedo. He’s got a police hat on and he’s holding a megaphone.

I told Randi to expect lots of loud music and attractive people in crazy costumes. I’m glad I didn’t mislead her!

After walking for a bit, we decided to try and implement a run/walk strategy. We would run for a few minutes or to a marker of my choosing, and then we would walk. Whenever there was an aid station, we would walk, in order to ensure that we both consumed enough food and drink to keep us sufficiently fueled.

We chatted with racers along the course and tried to keep our spirits up. It was going to be a long afternoon.

Though I do prefer multi-loop run courses, there are some drawbacks. When you’re on your first lap, people around you may be on their last! It’s impossible to not wish that you were farther along in the race. But, it’s still nice to encounter people that you wouldn’t normally see in a race with a one-loop course.

Not far into our first loop, Randi and I realized that our tether wasn’t working. Randi was running with a waist tether, that was connected to each of our race belts, but she wasn’t getting enough feedback from it.

In this photo, Randi and I walk side by side along the canal. We are perfectly in synch. You can see that we are each holding one end of her yellow tether. Photo credit: Zo Mendoza

We decided to remove the tether from our race belts and hold the the bungee cord for the rest of the race. Originally, we intended to steal a shoelace from a friend along the course, but the bungee was quite effective, so we stuck with that.

I can only imagine how terrible it must have felt for Randi to be constantly going off course during the first few miles of the run.

We kept up our run/walk strategy for much of the first loop, but the heat wasn’t getting any better.

Randi’s stomach also started bothering her, so we decided to ditch running for the time being. The good thing was, we had built up such a cushion on the bike, Randi could have walked, or even crawled, part of the marathon and she still would have finished in under 17 hours.

One bright spot on the first loop included our first trip through Catapult Corner, where we saw our friends from Houston, including Catapult’s founder, Jarrett Hubert. Jarrett has guided blind/VI athletes through Ironman Texas two times! It was wonderful to see someone who knew exactly what Randi and I were going through. The Catapult folks were having an awesome party – we wished we could have joined them!

The second thing that I remember clearly from our first trip around the run course was bumping into my awesome friend, John Flores, just after mile 8. John had taken the time to make personal signs for his friends that were racing. When I noticed my sign, I started bawling!!! To be fair, physical exertion can make me more emotional, but I would challenge anyone not to cry if they saw a photo like this.

John had stolen an adorable photo of Peanut and Cashew from Facebook. He laminated the photo and included text that read, “Go Mommy! There…Now hurry up & come home & feed us!” It was just too much for me to bear! Poor Randi must have thought I was nuts! If she did, she kept it to herself!

After the first loop, we didn’t run any more of the race until the very end. However, we kept walking at a really good clip! The second loop is always the hardest. There are points when it feels like the race will never end. We celebrated every mile marker we passed. Thankfully, I love to talk and Randi didn’t seem to mind the distraction, so we had an awesome conversation almost the entire way.

Randi has an outstanding sense of humor. She had two quotes in the race that made me die laughing (and still make me laugh when I think of them, even weeks after the race).

When I offered her some watermelon that was at an aid station, she replied, without skipping a beat, “melon is garbage fruit.” I now know that it’s a line from a show, but it’s still so funny to me. I will never offer Randi melon again.

The second line that almost killed me was what Randi said when I told her I wished I could get her to feel some of the spectators’ costumes (or lack thereof) along the course. She totally went along with my joke. She held her hand up, as if to touch an imaginary person, and said in a somewhat creepy voice, “Is this a tactile exhibit?” I think I almost fell over when she said that! Also, I did make her touch the costumes (and abs) of some of the more entertaining people along the course!

I picked up our special needs bag on the second loop, because I knew it was going to get dark. I had stashed two knuckle lights in special needs, that would come in handy when the course became pitch black.

Towards the end of the second lap, the tandem team from Mexico caught up to us. We walked with Luis and Marcos for a couple of miles, and got to know a bit more about their stories. Incredibly enough, Luis, Marcos’s guide, has completed over 150 Ironmans! Insanity!!!

Luis and Marcos seem to have a great relationship. I’m so glad that we got to know our competitors along the way. When we got close to special needs on the third lap, I realized that Luis and Marcos didn’t have a light, so I gave them one of my knuckle lights to use. I’m all about race karma. Put good energy out, and good things will come back to you.

The course got quiet on the third lap. Randi and I were both in pain, but we were still moving forward. We weren’t in danger of missing the time cutoff, but we were ready to be done with the race! I think Randi handled the run like a champion. She calculated exactly what she needed to do to finish, without risking having a total meltdown. I wish I approached things as practically as she does!

Bad dance moves include hand gestures. I’m glad Randi was able to laugh at me! Photo Credit: James Spencer

Every time we passed an aid station that was playing music, I got a little burst of energy, but those moments were few and far between.

James even witnessed my bad dance moves, when he spotted us running past the Redbull DJ.

The best part of the third lap was passing all of the mile markers that weren’t ours! Finally, when we passed the 18 mile marker, it meant that we were actually 18 miles into the run.

When we got to the final out and back section at the end of the third loop, I began to feel overwhelmed by emotion. I was so grateful that Randi asked me to share this experience with her. The more time I got to spend with her, the more I liked and respected her. We were already great friends before the Ironman, but this race had brought us even closer together.

My hips hurt pretty badly, but I felt really good, considering the fact that we were at the end of an Ironman. I was glad to feel in complete control. I know that I could have given Randi whatever she needed on that run, which is the only thing I hope for when I’m guiding. I just never want to slow anyone down, or have a negative impact on their race experience.

I thought about the fact that Randi had decided to become a triathlete after she lost the majority of her remaining vision. She said she never got depressed – she just got frustrated. But she obviously channeled her frustration into something positive. If only we could all respond to adversity the way Randi does.

Randi made it very clear that she planned to run the finish of the race, so we mentally prepared ourselves for that last bit of running before crossing Randi’s first Ironman finish line.

The last two tenths of a mile in Ironman Texas were mostly uphill, and there were two sharp u-turns in the middle. Ironman transformed the streets of the Woodlands into a red carpet affair. Spectators lined the finishing chute all day and night. Each person that crossed the finish line was treated like an international celebrity.

The easiest way for me to guide the finish line was to hold hands with Randi, so as we ran towards the bright lights of the finishing chute, I grabbed Randi’s left hand with my right, and we began to run.

It’s difficult to explain what it feels like to cross the finish line of an Ironman. It’s one of the greatest feelings of all time, in my opinion. If you’ve finished an Ironman before, imagine how amazing you felt, and then multiply that times 100. That’s how it feels to cross the finish line with a partner, friend, and teammate by your side.

Finish line photo of me and Randi Strunk finishing Ironman Texas

As soon as we crossed the line, Randi and I embraced. She was finally (officially and IRONMAN!!! I was in tears, of course. Our friend, Marcus, was there to catch the entire finish on film. Check out the Ironman Texas 2018 race day video, for a few clips of our race. Our finish is towards the very end of the video.

James was waiting just after the line to greet us. James has been so invested in Randi’s race, since we agreed to compete together. He is the most amazing cheerleader and supporter. I was completely caught off guard when he broke down in tears. I’m trying not to cry as I write this, because it was such an emotional moment. Since James and I began dating, in the fall of 2015, he’s supported me as I guided three full Ironmans and a number of half IMs. James knew that Randi and I had executed this race perfectly. I stayed within my limits and I finished the race feeling good, which was all James wanted for me. He was crying because he was so glad that both Randi and I had achieved our goals. James, Randi, and I had a big group hug, to celebrate our finishing moment.

Randi and I pose with our finisher’s medals in front of the Ironman Texas background, moments after finishing the race. We are both wearing Ironman Texas hats. We are holding our medals up for the camera. We are both smiling broadly, as you might expect. I am holding one water bottle under my arm and another in my left hand.

Ironman Texas 2018 was my 9th Ironman as a guide for a blind/vi athlete (my 10th if you count the full distance race I completed solo in 2005). I do keep track of the number of Ironmans I’ve done, but I hope all of my friends know that each race is just as important to me as the very first Ironman I guided. I can’t compare one Ironman to the next. The experience I had with Randi was unlike any other race I’ve done. Randi is unlike anyone I know! Randi is a friend that I will go to for advice, with whom I will share my successes and failures, and someone that I hope to know for years and years to come.

Thank you, Randi, for asking me to race with you. I am so grateful to have shared this experience with you and I cannot wait for our next adventure!

Thanks to Scott Flathouse for this photo of me and James the day after IMTX. James is wearing a Dare2Tri shirt and has is arm around my shoulder.

Scott Flathouse also took this photo of me and Randi the day after the race. Randi and I are both smiling and have proud, satisfied looks on our faces. Randi is wearing a Dare2Tri shirt and her IMTX finisher’s hat.

Visually impaired athlete, Helen Webb, and me before entering the water at the Ironman World Championship. Photo credit: Val Reynolds

No Ironmansin 2017

I wasn’t going to guide an Ironman this year. James and I spent most of 2016 traveling to race and guide. My work travel also quadrupled in 2016, so my intention was to have a more relaxed year in 2017 (relaxed meaning no 140.6 races).

Everything went according to plan, until I received a Facebook message from Helen Webb on May 26th.

I’ll never forget the feeling I got in my stomach when I received her note. I was in my bathroom getting ready for work when I saw the notification.

Helen and I had been chatting for at least a year. She reached out to me when she was beginning to train for her first Ironman in South Africa. I followed her story and offered assistance when I could. It was difficult to do much, given that she lived in South Africa! I offered to guide her if she ever decided to race in the U.S.

That seemed like a remote possibility.

When Ironman announced the winners of the Physically Challenged Lottery for entries into the Ironman World Championship, I saw that Helen had received a spot. I was so excited for her! Our conversation about having me guide her if she came to the U.S. never crossed my mind.

When I opened Helen’s message, my heart rate sped up.

“I have double checked with my South African guide and as I expected she will be unable to [guide in Kona]. So I really, really want you to do it if you can. Reading your posts about guiding was the only thing on the entire internet that made me feel like I would be able to do an Ironman as a visually impaired athlete. It would be such an honor to race with you. I will obviously cover costs.”

It’s incredible to think how much of an impact you can have on someone without even realizing it. Thankfully, my husband, James (we got married one year ago in a civil ceremony and haven’t had a wedding yet, so calling him my husband still gives me a bit of a rush!), encouraged me to say yes. We agreed that this was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

It certainly might have been my only chance to race with Helen!

I told Helen that I was in. Next, we would have to figure out the details.

Do you get paid to guide?

Because my social media presence is primarily filled with images of me racing with visually impaired athletes, riding my bike, or photos of my two dogs, people have assumed on more than one occasion that I am essentially a full-time guide.

In the U.S., there is no such thing as a professional guide for visually impaired athletes. In other countries, guides who race with visually impaired athletes at the Paralympic level will receive some compensation, but the U.S. does not currently fund guides. In Ironman racing, there are no professional physically challenged athletes or guides.

I have a fantastic job as a Regional Director at Dimensional Fund Advisors, which is a large mutual fund company based out of Austin, TX. I travel frequently to visit clients and speak at events, so I have a limited amount of time to train. [I have so much respect for people with jobs AND children who find time to train for these races. By no means am I complaining about my schedule!]

*I also want to note just how proud I am to work for a company that truly cares about its clients and employees. I have never felt more supported in both my professional and personal life by an employer.

Though Helen offered to pay for my expenses, I never considered taking her up on her offer. I try to avoid asking VI athletes to cover my travel costs. Now that I am in a position to pay for my own travel, I am more than happy to do so. I also knew that Helen had used up much of her racing budget in preparation for Ironman South Africa, which she completed in April.

(I have raced with some athletes who have been comfortable enough financially to cover my flights. Thank you to those athletes!)

Because I have a large network in the U.S., I put together a Go Fund Me account to help cover Helen’s expenses. Thanks to the generosity of many of my friends and colleagues, as well as support from the Challenged Athletes Foundation, Helen wouldn’t have to worry about money.

Through the magic of Facebook, we even secured a homestay for me, Helen, and James for the entire duration of our visits. Karen and Maverick Malech went above and beyond the call of duty as our hosts. I cannot say enough good things about the Malechs.

The last piece of the puzzle was Helen’s bike. In South Africa, Helen rides an absurdly heavy tandem. When I saw photos of the bike, I knew we needed something lighter and faster for Kona. My amazing friend, Tina Ament, who is an eight-time Ironman finisher and ultra-cyclist offered to lend Helen one of her tandems. Thank you over and over again to Tina!!!

So, do you train with the athlete you’re guiding?

Ideally, if you’re going to guide an athlete through an Ironman triathlon, you should spend some time training with the athlete before the race. This was not an option for me and Helen.

I have guided a dozen triathletes, none of whom have lived near me, so I wasn’t worried about my ability to race with Helen.

I did, however, decide that it made sense to enlist the help of a coach. I have worked with a number of coaches throughout my seventeen years of racing, but it had been two years since I followed a structured training plan. My main consideration when it came to choosing a coach was to find someone who could understand and work around the demands of my work travel.

The first person I thought of was Brad Williams. Brad is a pro triathlete, an Air Force veteran, and a new dad, who I’ve known for five years. He has also guided before, which was an added bonus. Brad is the only coach I know that seems to fly even more than I do, so he immediately appealed to me.

With Brad’s help, I trained more consistently than I have in as long as I can remember, throughout the four months leading up to Kona. I lost 10 pounds and increased my FTP by a good bit, and swam every week. Anyone who knows me knows that I rarely swim. In the weeks before heading to Kona, I felt totally prepared for the race. Of course, no matter how prepared you are before a race, there are so many things that are out of your control on race day.

The race!

Race morning:

James, Helen, and me in the transition tent on race morning. Helen and I are putting on our XTERRA swim skins. You can see handcycles, wheelchairs, and volunteers all around us. Photo credit: Val Reynolds

Race morning always feels electric to me. I woke up at 4am and began getting ready. Helen met us at Karen and Maverick’s house and we drove down to transition. We walked past all of the fastest age group athletes in the world and were ushered through a special line for pros and physcially challenged athetes, where Helen would be body marked.

After bodymarking, we went through a tent where volunteers weighed each athlete. Finally, we arrived at the PC tent, expecting to find an expanded tent.

When we dropped off our bike the day before the race, the tent was completely full. Race officials must not have taken into account the number of hand cyclists that had qualified for the race. Volunteers had to rearrange bikes in the tent in order to make room for ours. Officials assured us that they would expand the tent overnight so that there would be room for everyone in the morning.

Unfortunately, the tent had not been expanded. All of the hand cycles and upright bikes were crammed into the tiny tent. There was barely room to walk to the porta pottie. Thankfully, the volunteers and handlers were incredible. Any time we needed anything people were there to help.

Helen and I had the best handler of all: James.

Ironman did a number of things wrong when it came to how they treated the para-athletes, but one thing they did right was allowing athletes to choose their own handlers and providing handlers access to every area of the race. James was able to help with our equipment, meet us in the water after our swim, and would have been allowed to enter the medical tent if we had needed him.

After we ensured that our transition bags were ready and that our fuel was on the bike, James, Helen, and I chatted with Dick Hoyt for a bit. He’s raced Kona with his son, Rick, FIVE TIMES. Today, Rick would be racing with their friend, Bryan. I told Dick that he could get a beer with James while we were all on the bike. They would have a looong time to wait (anxiously).

The pro men were in the water. Then, the pro women went off. Next, the age group men. Finally, it was time for the women age groupers and PC athletes to get in the water.

The swim:

In this photo, I am describing how we will get to the start line to Helen. Age group women are in the background with pink swim caps. Another para athlete is swimming at the bottom of the photo in a green cap. Photo Credit: Val Reynolds

Fifteen months ago, Helen could barely swim 25 meters in the pool. Now, she can swim 2.4 miles with ease! We knew that it would take her the better part of two hours to complete the 2.4 mile swim, which was completely fine, because the cutoff time for the swim was 2 hours, 20 minutes.

Helen isn’t very comfortable treading water, so she asked me to have her swim out to the start as close to the actual start as we could, keeping in mind the fact that it would take her a good 2-3 minutes to get to the stating buoy.

We positioned ourselves at the back of the main group and to the left so that we could avoid getting run over by faster swimmers (and so that we wouldn’t impede anyone else’s progress). In every other Ironman I’ve guided, PC athletes start after the pro athletes, or first, if there is no pro field. I’m probably too accustomed to getting pummeled in the water.

The swim start in Kona was downright civilized, compared to what I’m used to.

For the record, Helen is not a slow swimmer! Athletes in Kona are the fastest in the world, so there were fewer back-of-the-pack racers around us. Helen has a smooth stroke, she swims straight, and she’s very consistent.

I knew that I just had to keep her on course and disrupt her as little as possible.

We only had one incident with an athlete swimming virtually on top of Helen, which shocked us both, considering that the course was NOT crowded at that point! Eventually, I pushed the woman on the shoulder and asked her to give Helen some space. She seemed to be having troubles with her goggles.

Helen made it to the turnaround in great time. When we got to the turn, Helen popper her head out of the water and exclaimed, “Is that a boat??” There was indeed, a massive boat on the course, at the turnaround. The people on the boat leaned over the side and shouted encouraging comments.

We also had what seemed like our own private paddle board escort. A woman began paddling alongside us towards the end of the first half of the swim and accompanied us the entire way back. It was very helpful! She even offered to let Helen hold onto her board when she had to pee, though Helen declined.

During the last third of the swim, my tether stopped cooperating, as did Helen’s. At one point, Helen’s tether either broke or came untied. Before the race, we discussed what we would do if a tether broke, so Helen just stuck her head in the water, retied her tether, and off we went.

When my tether slipped down my thigh, I would just grab it and pull it back up, as quickly as I could.

Finally, I could see the massive inflated gatorade bottle that was positioned at the end of the pier. I focused on holding the shortest, straightest line that I could, as we moved towards the finish.

As we entered the finishing chute, which was maybe 200 meters from the actual finish, I could see James cheering and taking photos. I was overcome with emotion when I saw him and had to try as hard as I could not to cry as I swam.

Fifty meters from the finish, my tether fell off once more, so I decided to just hold it in my hand as we swam in. When I tapped Helen to let her know that we were done, she popped out of the water and danced towards the carpeted stairs that we would climb to get into transition!

James was waiting in the water for us to help us get to T1. It was absolutely incredible to have his help. In the photo I’ve included, you can see James holding Helen’s hand as we climb the steps. It’s impossible NOT to feel wobbly after a 2 hour swim.

Transition 1 (T1):

The first transition was relatively uneventful. My only goal was to make sure I crammed as much food into my pockets as I could. I knew it was going to be a long ride.

The bike:

For the bike leg, my primary concern is always my athlete’s safety. But in a race as hot as Kona, I also needed to make sure that I didn’t overdo it. I didn’t want to blow myself up and hold Helen back on the run. As a guide, the bike is where I can make the most difference. However, I’m not big enough or strong enough to pull Helen’s legs around, so we are both responsible for putting out power.

I try to ride at a cadence that is comfortable for the athlete I’m racing with, which means I have to be able to ride at both a high or low cadence. When I’m guiding, it is not my race – I needed to ride in a gear that would make Helen feel as effective as possible.

The bike course began with a couple of decently long uphills. I suppose it was a sign of what was to come. When we pulled out of transition, there were a bunch of people cheering for athletes, but I knew that we might end up feeling pretty lonely later on in the course.

One of the first spectators I remember seeing is my neighbor, Chasse, whom James and I encounterd at the Slowtwitch party earlier in the week. We knew that Chasse was a doctor and a cyclist, but had no idea that she would be on the Big Island during race week! Chasse came out to attend a medical conference and to help at the finishers’ medical tent. Chasse said that she just didn’t even know that we did triathlons! Clearly, we weren’t facebook friends yet.

I remember hearing her shout, “Lombardy RULES!!!”

Lombardy is the area of Charlotte in which James, Chasse, and I live. I wish there was a photo of my massive smile after hearing that comment.

As we climbed the first hill, I watched for athletes decending on the other side of the road. I like to set mental goals during races, and one good way to stay focused is to find people to pass. When I mentioned this to Helen, she told me that she feels bad when she passes people, so she likes to say a kind word. All I could think was, I love this woman! Helen and I sometimes seemed to share one brain during the race. Unless I’m unable to speak, I always try to offer encouragement to athletes I pass.

After a long climb and a quick descent, we headed up Palani and out onto the Queen K.

All smiles at the beginning of the bike.

By this point, the race was already pretty spread out, so it was just Helen and me (and Tina’s incredible bike, Cicero). The first half of the bike didn’t feel bad at all. Helen and I had some awesome conversations. We talked about everything from apartheid and U.S. veterans to marriage and children. I’ve said on more than one occasion that there’s no faster way to get to know someone than to spend 100+ miles together on a tandem bike.

Everyone we spoke to before the race told us to prepare for the heat and the hills. Perhaps that’s why the first 50 miles felt manageable. We knew it wasn’t going to be fast.

Things got a little bit more exciting when the men’s and women’s pro athletes began riding past us on the other side of the road.

Before we turned onto the Akoni Pule Highway, we got a huge boost when we saw the first wheelchair athlete coming through! Jentz Platz is an absolute monster. He was handcycling with some of the top age group athletes!

50 miles into the race, we made a right turn to start the climb up to Hawi. The climb to Hawi is 6 miles of a steady, but not-too-steep incline. On the climb, Helen and I had the opportunity to pass three handcyclists (they’re doing the entire race with their arms!) and we got to chat for a minute. It was fantastic to be able to cheer them on.

The climb to Hawi is hard on a solo bike… on a tandem, it’s brutal. Helen did an amazing job keeping her pedal stroke smooth and remaining focused as we made the climb.

It felt incredible to reach the turnaround at Hawi. We made a brief stop to use the restroom and exchange bottles. It was during this stop that I noticed the heat rash that had spread all over the tops of my thighs.

Of course, there was nothing I could do about it, so I just reapplied sunscreen, and off we went.

Riding down from Hawi went smoothly. We caught a couple more people, including Dan St. Pierre, another para athlete that won an entry to Kona through the PC lottery.

Dan only completed his first Ironman a month before Kona – it’s pretty amazing that he wanted to do his second with such a short recovery!

During the decent, we started feeling the heat a bit more. It had been hot the entire day, but the lack of cloud cover certainly wasn’t helping. The sky was perfectly blue. During hot races, I fantasize about jumping back into whatever body of water I had swum in before the bike. During this ride, the ocean was taunting me every step of the way.

By the time we made the final climb back up to the Queen K, Helen was starting to suffer a bit. She began to sweat to the point where her head cover was no longer absorbing her sweat, and her eyes were stinging from the sunscreen that had dripped down her forehead.

We passed an Andrew Jammo, a handcyclist with whom we’d been playing cat and mouse, but forced him to re-pass us when we stopped at the top of the hill so that Helen could wipe her eyes. Andrew shouted at us, “These hills are fucked!” I couldn’t have agreed more.

In most other Ironmans I’ve guided, the hardest part of the bike comes between miles 65 and 85, when you’re not sure if you’ll ever be able to get off your bike.

The middle of the Kona ride was incredibly tough, but it was only going to get tougher towards the end.

Once we hit mile 92, I was hoping to get a second wind. Helen was handling the ride like a champion, especially considering the fact that she trained throughout the winter in South Africa and didn’t even have the benefit of heat training on the bike.

We began to joke that we were being punished for having had such great conversations on the ride out. We were being paid back for our relatively smooth first half of the ride. It felt like purgatory.

With 25 miles to go, I started noticing that Helen was really struggling. She had stopped talking completely and I could feel a difference in her pedal stroke; all of a sudden, it felt like her power output had been cut in half. The heat had finally become too much. I have overheated numerous times throughout my 17 years of racing, so I do everything I can to keep my body temperature down.

Helen and me near the last 40K of the bike, just before we had to stop to cool Helen down. That is not a smile on my face. I am grimacing.

I told Helen that we were going to go get ice at the next aid statin (assuming there was some!).

When we pulled up to the aid station, I told Helen to unclip on both sides and I shouted at a volunteer to help hold the bike while I ran to grab ice. One of the volunteers held open a massive bag filled with ice cubes, many of which were stuck together. (One of the reasons I like Ironman branded races is that the aid stations are generally well-stocked throughout the day. If there hadn’t been ice at this stop, we might not have been able to continue on.)

I told Helen to pull out the front of her jersey and to brace herself for the ice. I shoved a bunch of ice in the front of her kit and then I put some more down her back. As soon as the ice hit her skin, Helen broke down crying. Not just tears, but legitimate sobs. I knew exactly how she was feeling.

Fortunately, as soon as her body temperature dropped a bit, Helen said she felt good enough to get back on the bike. She spent the next 15 minutes of the ride describing what that experience had been like for her. She said that she felt as though her brain had totally shut down.

Helen’s jaw had locked up. And apparently, the only thing she could think to do was to repeat a few phrases in her head that she would inevitably have to say to the medics:

“My name is Helen Webb. I am 37 years old. I live in South Africa.”

Thankfully, we didn’t need medics at that point.

The last 40K of the Kona bike course were the hardest 25 miles I’ve ever ridden. Helen had recovered just in time to ride up a seemingly endless hill, into the wind. The Hawi climb had nothing on this part of the course.

The most twisted part of Kona is that the winds get worse through the day. So, pros and fast age groupers might have a very different experience than the slower competitors.

It is way harder to ride a tandem bike on this course than a single bike. In other Ironmans people have joked that my athletes and I are cheating or that riding a tandem looks so fun. No one made those jokes on the Big Island.

When we hit the few slight downhill sections, it was a struggle to hit 16-18 mph, which is normally cruising speed on a tandem.

We both just wanted to get off the bike and start the run.

I also noticed that the rash on my legs has completely covered my legs. It looked like I was having an allergic reaction. I wasn’t sure whether heat rash would have an impact on our run. But worrying wouldn’t do us any good, so we focused on getting to the end of the bike.

Towards the very end of the ride, we passed part of the run course. It’s always a bit tough to see people racing that are so much farther along than you are. It’s not about whether people are beating us; for me, it’s just knowing how much longer we’ll have to be on the course.

But Helen told me when she first asked me to race with her that she just wanted to finish the race within 17 hours. My goal was to get her to the finish line safely.

7 hours, 41 minutes, 5000+ feet of climbing, and 112 miles after we started riding, we rolled into the finishing chute of the bike. Just before we turned the final corner, I heard my friend, Patrick Hight, screaming for us at the top of his lungs. Patrick is a huge advocate for para athletes and organized and ran the Team Red, White & Blue Triathlon Camp for the 5 years it existed. He was in Kona as a lead Moto driver. There’s something about seeing an old friend in a totally different context that really gets to me. I was in tears as we approached the dismount line.

Transition 2 (T2):

James was waiting to help us as we got off the bike. I wasn’t feeling great after the ride. I had ridden as conservatively as I could, fueled appropriately, and hydrated as well as I could, but the heat and the wind had definitely gotten to me.

I threw a bit of a fit when I tried to access the bathroom in our transition tent, only to discover that it was blocked by a chair. Ironman officials had assured us that there would be enough room for all of the athletes and their equipment, but that didn’t seem to be the case. It felt like we were a bit of an afterthought.

Helen and I put on our running shoes, hats, and race belts. We clipped the tether that James made for that morning onto our race belts, and headed out to begin the marathon.

The run:

At the outset, Helen and I decided to walk the ascents on the run course. I will never forget watching a 63 year old woman pass me on the run course when I did 70.3 Hawaii in 2007 (as a 23 year old). This woman walked every hill and I still couldn’t catch her. Helen and I both agreed that it seemed like a reasonable strategy.

Walking up the first part of Palani before turning right to merge with other runners. This is my, “OMG, we have to run a marathon now?” face. See how chipper Helen looks? Photo credit: Val Reynolds.

I felt like I had done everything I could on the bike to remain “fresh” for the marathon, but on that course, on a tandem, it was virtually impossible.

When we first ran up Palani and turned right, the crowds were amazing. But we encountered runners who were nearing the finish line, as about half a mile on the course overlapped with people finishing. It was hard not to feel a bit jealous of the runners that only have a mile left in their race.

One challenge unique to guiding is that you have to deal with another person’s energy level for an entire race. Imagine if you’re feeling amazing and you’re just pumped to be on the course, but the person you’re running with is either cranky, hurting, or just not up to talking. Well, that happens in almost every long race I’ve guided. The interesting thing about Ironman races is that you’ll feel great and then terrible and then great and then terrible, all in one race.

At the beginning of this run, Helen was way more energetic than I. For a while, I tried to hide how I was feeling, because my biggest fear as a guide is that I will slow my athlete down. My only goal besides keeping Helen safe was to help her have her best race.

Helen is an incredibly perceptive person, so it wasn’t hard for her to notice that I wasn’t feeling great. She also had the wisdom to let me know that I could tell her if she was being too chipper. Most of the time, her energy didn’t bother me at all. But at one point, I asked her if she was ready to run a flat section and she said, “KEWL!” In the perkiest voice she’d used all day and I had to ask her to tone it down. That may make me sound like a jerk, but I’m sure that any fellow endurance athletes will understand how I felt in that moment.

Thankfully, despite how bad I felt, I was able to run the pace Helen wanted to run. It was a strange feeling because I didn’t feel impaired or sluggish, I just didn’t feel happy or energetic. I’ve never experienced a feeling like that in an Ironman before. Due to Helen’s limited vision and lack of depth perception, my job on the run was to let her know if there were obstacles on our path and to determine when we were on a hill, so that she would know to walk.

Here I am, pretending to feel good around mile 4 of the run.

Around mile 4, I saw a runner sitting by the side of the road, stretching. He shouted to tell us that we looked strong. When I turned to look at him, I realized that the runner was 6-time Ironman World Champion, Dave Scott.

I shouted back, “I met you at my first Ironman, 12 years ago!!!” I’m sure he had no idea what I was talking about, but I was able to recount the story to Helen: I met Dave before I attempted the Silverman full-distance triathlon in 2005 (non-Ironman branded). I chose the race because the weather was supposed to be nice – which it was. However, I neglected to look at the profile of the bike. There was over 6000 feet of climbing! So, when I met Dave, the first thing he said to me was that he thought that some people would have trouble making the bike cutoff. I’ll never forget how afraid I was when I heard those words. I felt an obligation to finish, just like when I’m guiding, because I was worried about letting people down. I had raised almost $5000 for a nonprofit for which I had volunteered during college. I did finish Silverman, and it’s still the only solo 140.6 I’ve ever attempted.

Hearing Dave cheering gave me a bit of a boost, but I still wasn’t feeling fantastic. The only other time I remember feeling energetic during the first 10 miles of the run was when we passed by the Gu house, where speakers were blasting 50 Cent. I can’t remember what song was playing, but I remember feeling like I had been sent back to my college rowing days.

I don’t bring a ton of nutrition onto the run because I try to get most of my calories on the bike. I’ll eat whatever I can stomach at the aid stations, which tends to be mostly Gatorade, coke, and orange slices. I’ll take salty food whenever I can get it. Most Ironman races serve chicken broth later on in the run course, which can be an absolute godsend towards the end of an Ironman. At Ironman Western Australia, I begged for leftover pizza from volunteers, but I didn’t expect that to be an option in Kona.

At one aid station, a volunteer offered us tortilla chips when I yelled to see if they had anything salty. The chips were exactly what I needed! She even offered us hummus, which I don’t think was part of the spread for athletes. We declined, but the offer was just fantastic. Ironman volunteers are truly amazing.

After the 10 mile out and back on Alii Drive, we saw James just before we headed back up Hualalai Road which would take us up Palani (again) and onto the Queen K. James snapped a photo of us, which I believe is the last photo that was taken while we were both still somewhat coherent!

Just before it got really dark. Photo Credit: James Spencer

At that point, it was already getting dark. Volunteers gave us glow in the dark necklaces at the turnaround at mile 5, but those only served to make us visible to other runners. They weren’t bright enough to illuminate the road.

For the first time in my Ironman guiding career, I had remembered to pack lights for the run. However, I left them in my run special needs bag so that I wouldn’t have to carry them for the entire marathon. What I didn’t realize is just how dark it would get before we reached the half way point of the run. I also didn’t realize that special needs was at mile EIGHTEEN of the run. In most Ironman races, the special needs aid stations are at the half way point on both the bike and the run.

Because Helen has some vision, she relies heavily on the vision she does have, which made the darkness on the course even more challenging. Because we felt that it would be far worse to have Helen trip and fall than to walk the dark portions of the run course, we ended up walking a lot between mile 11 and mile 20.

We thought that one benefit to being on the course after dark would be a drop in the temperature. The temperature may have dropped, but heat was still radiating off of the asphalt on the Queen K. Helen and I were both dealing with pretty severe heat rash, so the heat coming up from the group was incredibly unpleasant. I felt like my legs were on fire for most of the run. Heat poisoning feels completely different from a sunburn (with which I am quite familiar). We both had hot, itchy bumps all over our legs. At one point, Helen’s legs felt so bad that she decided to try putting ice on her rash. The sound she emitted after rubbing ice on her sore skin made it quite clear that I should not do the same.

There was no relief on this course. We couldn’t even take Advil from a volunteer because that would be grounds for immediate disqualification.

Unfortunately for Helen, her energy level and mood had begun to match mine!

It felt like we would never reach the turnaround on the Queen K. When we finally did, it was a huge mental milestone for me. Just past the turnaround, we headed into the Energy Lab, the final out and back before heading towards town. However, I didn’t realize just how long run into the Energy Lab actually was. I probably should have been able to figure it out when we passed the 20 mile mark on the other side of the road, given that we had just passed mile 17. It’s hard to do simple math when your brain is fried!

The Energy Lab was fairly well lit, but Helen didn’t seem to be feeling fantastic, so we continued walking. We were conscious of the cutoff time, but weren’t too concerned about making it. We did, however, confirm that the women would have until 12:20 AM to complete the race. We started with the age group women, whose race began at 7:20. Apparently, there have been years when the women were still required to finish by midnight, which would only allow them 16:40 to complete the entire event. On a day like this, I was grateful for the extra time.

I knew that some of the men that were immediately behind us would be pulled from the course before too long.

When we reached special needs, which was right around mile 18 on the course, I grabbed both of the knuckle lights. I turned one on, and clipped the other one to my race belt. I didn’t need much from special needs bag, but I was looking forward to chewing some caffeinated Run Gum. It wouldn’t do much to help me physically, but I hoped that it would help me mentally.

At the turnaround, we crossed over a timing mat. Every time we crossed a timing mat, Helen and I celebrated the fact that the people who were tracking us would know that we were still on track.

I didn’t think it was possible, but after mile 18, I began to feel even worse. My stomach was killing me and my legs felt like lead. Thankfully, when Helen said that she wanted to try running, I was able to run. Slowing her down was not an option.

With 5 or 6 miles to go, James rode up on our tandem. It was such a relief to see him. I told him that I was feeling terrible. Poor James – there was absolutely nothing he could do for me, so telling him that I felt bad probably made him feel utterly helpless. He also seemed concerned about our ability to make it to the finish line before our cutoff. But Helen and I had been doing our best to calculate just how slowly we could go and still make it to the finish in under 17 hours, so we were still confident that we’d make it.

We reached an aid station where the volunteers were incredibly energetic. Each volunteer was yelling loudly to let runners know what was available. Unfortunately, they were yelling so loudly that they couldn’t hear me when I called for chicken broth and water. When I’m guiding, I sometimes need volunteers to put a cup directly into the hand of the athlete with whom I’m racing. Normally, this isn’t a problem, and I’m generally able to react quickly, if a volunteer isn’t responding, but I was in total meltdown mode. I almost started crying when I couldn’t get them to hear me! Of course, the volunteers were just doing their jobs. This situation was just an indication of how shitty I felt in that moment.

I could tell that James was alarmed, so I asked him to distract us. That was something he could do to help! I asked him to tell us who had won the race. The professional racers finished their entire race before we were even off the bike, so we had no idea how everyone had done.

Thankfully, the distraction worked! Helen and I began running more frequently. Suddenly, we were back at the turn onto Palani. James helped us create a plan for how we would finish the race – when we would run and when we would walk. He encouraged us to walk down Palani because it was so steep. But Helen wanted to run, so run we did. The hill was steep enough, that running slowly was really hard. It felt like I was putting on the brakes. I asked Helen if we could pick it up a little and she said, “Of course!” She didn’t want to ask me to run fast, because she thought I felt terrible. And of course, I didn’t feel great, but I told her that she should have asked me! In that moment, I felt like I could fly down the hill. Throughout the race, I kept checking in with Helen to make sure that we were going as fast or as slow as she wanted.

After running the entire Palani downhill, we knew that we were around a mile from the finish line. I had begun to feel much better. Running even felt better than walking. Helen asked if we could walk a short stretch during the final mile, but after we turned onto Hualalai again, we ran the entire way to the finish.

The one consistent piece of advice I was given leading up to Kona was to ENJOY the finish of the race. So, as we approached the finishing chute that was lined with the flags of each nation that was represented, I tried to soak up the moment. The best part of finishing a race close to midnight is the fact that so many racers come back to the finish area to cheer for the final finishers. The finishing chute was lined with people who were screaming their heads off for us.

I noticed that one of the cameramen was following us towards the finish. They had followed us on and off throughout the day, which provided some entertainment (and a bit of motivation). I hope I get to see some professional quality footage of our finish at some point, because it was one of the most emotional moments of my life.

As we approached the finish, I began to cry. It’s not uncommon for me to cry at finish lines – especially at Ironman finish lines… but this was different. I was sobbing.

Before we got to Alii drive for the last time, I told Helen that I would step behind her when we got to the finish line, but she shut that idea down immediately. She said that she wanted me next to her at the finish, so I said that we should hold hands as we crossed the line. I find that holding hands is helpful when you’re sprinting to the finish, for a number of reasons.

16 hours, 27 minutes, and 25 seconds after we began, Helen and I crossed the finish line of the Ironman World Championship. Though I was nameless and numberless in the race, somehow, Mike Reilly even called my name as Helen’s guide.

Hearing Mike say, “Helen Webb, YOU ARE AN IRONMAN!” Was an indescribable moment. So much had gone into this race. Not just on race day, but everything leading up to it. The fact that Helen said that I had earned this race, given how much I have guided, was just incredible. I was filled with relief, gratitude, and joy.

I just couldn’t stop crying.

I was able to step aside briefly before we embraced so that Helen could have a moment in the spotlight.

This is my favorite photo from the race. I think it sums everything up.

After a long, emotional hug, we walked towards two people wearing floral crowns. I had no idea who they were, but I figured that they were professional triathletes.

A small, thin guy put a necklace around my neck. A taller, attractive woman put one around Helen’s. Helen and the woman hugged and Helen appeared to be crying. I gave the man a quick hug and then stood looking at him, awkwardly.

I found out a few minutes later that my awkward moment was with Patrick Lange, the men’s champion. Now that I’ve watched a few interviews that he’s given, I’m a massive fan of his!

Helen was locked in an embrace with the legendary Daniela Ryf! Thankfully, Helen had recognized her voice and asked, “Are you Daniela?” So, they were able to have a moment together.

I don’t think I stopped crying for at least 30 minutes after the race. I knew that I wasn’t going to get a medal or finisher’s shirt, so I wasn’t focused on anything except getting to a place where I could lie down.

At some point, James or I must have told the volunteer that was walking with me that I wasn’t allowed to receive a finisher’s medal, though I don’t really remember. The next thing I knew, a volunteer at another station had snuck me a medal My crying only intensified after that.

I asked James to capture the moment after a volunteer handed me a medal. So many tears.

Somehow, after lying on the grass for a good 30 minutes, during which time my neighbor, Chasse, came over and diagnosed our rashes as heat rash, we made it up Palani one last time (walking very, very slowly), and got into the car to head back to Karen and Maverick’s.

It’s only been a week and I still haven’t been able to process all of my feelings about the Kona. This was different from any other event I’ve ever attempted. It was hands down the hardest Ironman I’ve ever guided. But it wasn’t just the difficulty. Kona is an incredibly special place. The island is gorgeous, the people are wonderful, and when thousands of the best triathletes descend upon the Big Island, it transforms into an even more magical place (for athletes, at least).

I am so grateful to Helen for inviting me to come race with her. I know that I’ve made a lifelong friend through this experience. I learned so much about myself through the process of training for the race while trying to balance my work travel and attempting to make time for James and our puppies. If I didn’t have a supportive spouse, this wouldn’t have been possible. Supportive doesn’t even cut it when it comes to James, but anyone who follows me on Facebook or Instagram knows how special he is.

This is a terribly unflattering, but utterly perfect post-race photo. Thanks to Karen and Maverick for the champagne! James, I love you so much!

I am proud of Helen and she will kill me if I don’t say that I’m also proud of myself. I am proud of myself. I think that Helen and I preserved through incredibly challenging conditions. This was our first race together and we had only met 5 days prior, so the odds were stacked against us.

Races that come close to breaking me are the ones I love the most. Kona is now one of my all-time favorite races. I hope to return one day. But more than anything, I hope to race with Helen again in the future.

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On May 18, 2013 I guided Rachel weeks, a vision and hearing impaired athlete, in Ironman Texas. This is a recap of our race.

What many of you do not know is that Rachel Weeks is not only vision impaired, but also hearing impaired. Rachel has Usher Syndrome, which is a genetic disorder that causes her to lose both senses. Rachel is the first athlete with Usher Syndrome to complete an ironman.

I met Rachel last year at the Chicago Triathlon. We communicated via Facebook and twitter over the summer and I convinced her to do the race with me. From the moment I met Rachel, I knew I liked her. After an outstanding performance at the Chicago Tri, Rachel decided to sign up for an ironman. I have always hated hot races, so I swore I would never do Ironman Texas, but when Rachel told me which race she wanted to do, I didn’t hesitate to sign up.

Many people ask me whether we have to pay two entry fees for our races. The answer is no, we do not. Rachel pays for herself and I get a link to sign up as a participant- for liability and safety reasons. When I guide, I am, for all intents and purposes, a piece of equipment. I cannot stress this enough- this was Rachel’s race. When I guide, I act as the eyes for my athlete. I get a chip time, but all of my effort in the race goes toward helping my athlete run her best race.

Rachel and I do not train together during the year. In fact, I had not seen her since the Chicago triathlon when I met up with her at the Ironman Texas expo. As the case with all of my close friends, I felt like I had just seen her, even though it had been over 8 months.

I have been competing in triathlons since 2001 and guiding since 2008. I have guided athletes in 17 triathlons, including 3 (now 4) ironman races. No matter how many races you have guided, or completed solo, there is always a level of uncertainty going into a competition. You can never predict how you will feel on race day, which can be nerve wracking!!! Rachel and I are not the same pace. It is important to try and race with athletes whom you could (theoretically) beat in a race. As my friend m David Adame, director of the C Different Foundation, says, a guide should “have gas in the tank.” I have been in races where I totally blew up and had to slow down my athlete. It is the absolute worst feeling in the world. So, the way to reduce the odds of a situation like that occurring, the best thing to do is race with someone whom you are significantly faster than. That being said, chemistry is also incredibly important, especially in longer races. Keep in mind that Rachel was literally connected to me for an entire Ironman. Can you imagine how that would have felt if she and I weren’t also good friends?

Pre Race

Rachel and I flew in separately and met at the Ironman expo in The Woodlands on Thursday, May 16th. We walked through packet pick up together and then went shopping for race day nutrition and gear that we still needed to purchase. After putting my seat and pedals on the bike and making doing a quick eyeballed bike fit, we went back to our homestay before the mandatory athlete meeting/welcome dinner. Race prep began the next morning.

Ironman Texas offered athletes a two hour window during which they could practice swimming on the actual swim course the day before the race. We were told that the water would be warm- most likely wetsuit optional. If the water is above 78 degrees, athletes have the option to wear wetsuits, but they cannot qualify for Kona or other age group awards. If the water is 84 degrees or above, officials will not let athletes wear wetsuits because there is a risk of overheating. Having overheated in a number of races myself, I encouraged Rachel to make the call to not wear wetsuits. I think it’s worth having a slower swim time (wetsuits can cut significant time off of swim splits), if you can make it up elsewhere in the race because you haven’t overheated!

Rachel and I did a 20 minute practice swim on Friday morning. Rachel is a great swimmer, and we swim well together, so we mainly decided to practice because she wanted to get rid of her pre race jitters. When we hopped in the water, she had a couple of moments of anxiety, where she would stop in the water and almost laugh at herself. She wasn’t having a full blown panic attack, but I know she was trying to convince herself to start swimming again.

After a while, she overcame the open-water nerves and we headed to shore. Next, we went to Tri Bike Transport, so that I could fit the bike and we could go for a practice ride. After our ride, we dropped the bike off at transition… Saying goodbye to Rachel’s tandem for the night made everything seem real. The next time we would ride her bike would be after the swim on Saturday morning. I was nervous that I hadn’t tightened everything down or that my fit would be uncomfortable! A lot of things can start hurting over a 112 mile ride.

We relaxed at our homestay after dropping the bike off. The only thing we had left to do was put our race bags together.

Before bed, I laid all of my nutrition out on the floor and divided everything up between my bike, run and special needs bags. I made sure to freeze four bottles of perpetuem before bed so that we would have relatively cold drinks the next day. Tina Ament taught me the best ironman special needs trick- I bought a cooler for my bike special needs bag. If you stash a couple of bottles in a soft cooler, you can have extra bottles of liquid nutrition on the bike!

I felt like I was ready to race… so I headed off to bed.

Swim

We waded into the water that was teeming with what seemed like thousands of age group athletes. I imagined them bearig down on us, 10 short minutes after my race would begin. As a PC athlete, Rachel is allowed to start directly behind the pro wave, which would give us a 10 minute head start on the field. I can only imagine what we look like when we start swimming. The entire lake is watching the pros quickly pull away, while our little orange-capped heads bob slowly along in the water.

When the gun went off, I counted a beat and then told her to start swimming. Our race had begun.

A few strokes into the swim, Rachel began having a minor panick attack. When Rachel panicks, it has more to do with the fact that she can’t catch her breath than anything else. When this happened in the Chicago Triathlon, I had her tread water for a few seconds and then count to 10 strokes and tread again. We started swimming like that until Rachel heard the national anthem playing in the background. The age groupers were about to start swimming. We had about 10 minutes to swim alone before they would come up behind us. She was overcome with emotion when she heard our anthem. It was all I could do not to cry.

I knew that we couldn’t make 2.4 miles in 2 and a half hours if we stopped every 10 or 20 strokes, so I told Rachel to try breathing every stroke, instead of every three… It worked!!! I had seen Aaron Scheidies, one of the fastest triathletes I know, swim like that in the Chicago Triathlon, so I figured it wouldnt slow her down too much!

The course was easy to navigate, so we got into a good rhythm. I knew that any moment, thousands of aggro age groupers would be upon us. I must admit, tge thought scared me a little bit. as confident as I am in the water, and as confident as I was in Rachel’s swimming, I wasn’t looking forward to getting dunked by a bunch of hyper competitive dudes.

Rachel, it turned out, enjoyed battling the age groupers! The more we were in the middle of things, the more fun she seemed to be having! I did have to move us out of the center of the pack because it became too difficult to stop every few seconds to grab someone’s head and tell them not to swim through us because we were “tied together”.

The rest of the swim went relatively smoothly. I was really proud of how Rachel handled the crowds of athletes knocking into us. When she began to get a little tired (about an hour in), she started veering to the left a bit. I had to pull on our tether to rein her back in!

I felt really good during the swim. I was very happy with how things went. Because we chose not to wear wetsuits, I knew that our time wasn’t going to be insanely fast, but I was happy that everything went as smoothly as it did. When we got into the channel, I started getting really pumped. At one point I even thought to myself, “I am superwoman!” That’s a good way to feel during a race.

We got out of the swim in 1:46:16. I felt such a rush of adrenaline when we started running towards transition. I couldn’t wait to get on the bike! T1 took 11:50, which isn’t bad. I made sure that we had everything we needed in our jersey pockets. The last thing you want to do when you start an Ironman bike is forget your nutrition. Another thing that I like to do is bring a little spray bottle of sunscreen. If you’re as pale as I am, you need extra sunscreen for a ride that long.

Bike

As usual, riding with Rachel felt AWESOME! Rachel trusts me on the bike. I can tell that she trusts me because she never makes any sudden movements and she doesn’t tense her arms. When I’m piloting a tandem, I can feel almost every movement my stoker makes. If I’m riding with a nervous athlete, the front of the bike can start moving back and forth if the rider has a death grip on the bars. Sometimes I’ll ask an athlete to pretend that the bars aren’t there. I don’t have to give Rachel any tips. She is super comfortable on the bike. The only thing I will say is, “Focus on your pedal strokes. Don’t get lazy when you get tired.” But I’m saying that as much for myself as I am for her!

The first 40 miles were a breeze. It hadn’t gotten too hot yet, and the wind seemed to be at our backs. An official motorbike pulled up alongside us and interviewed Rachel, which was really exciting. It seemed like the ride was too good to be true…

Turns out, it was.

Our average pace for the first 30 miles was 17.48 mph. This pace felt incredibly easy for us, as it should feel at the beginning of an ironman. If you are fatigued 30 miles into the bike leg, you did something wrong. I used one of Tina’s tricks to help us focus on the bike. I dedicated every 10 miles to a different person or group of people. It helps to focus on the 10 miles you’re in and to not thing ahead to the ground you still have to cover.

We dedicated 10 mile to Richard Hunter, a visually impaired athlete who works tirelessly to get visually impaired individuals into athletics and Diane Berbarian, another VI athlete who coached Rachel for the Ironman. 10 miles were dedicated to Rachel’s daughters and to our mothers. 10 went to the victims of Boston and to our nation’s veterans.The hardest 10 miles were the ones we dedicated to the fallen members of 2nd Battalion, 8th Marines. It seemed appropriate to suffer at that point. It was the kind of pain that makes you think about what REAL pain is… I knew that anything I was feeling wasn’t CLOSE to the amount of pain our grunts feel when they’re patrolling in Afghanistan. So we pushed on…

By the time we hit mile 50, it had started to get really hot. We knew that the heat index was supposed to be in the mid 90s, which meant that it would feel like it was over 100 on the dark asphalt. After mile 50, I began looking forward to Special Needs, which was at mile 56. We had been doing a great job with nutrition thus far. I made sure to remind Rachel to drink and take salt tabs. I would set hydration goals for each part of the race. For instance, I would make sure that we both finished at least one bottle of water and half a bottle of Powerbar Perform. Miles 50-56 seemed endless. We were riding into the wind, and the heat had started to take it’s toll. Finally, we arrived. I made baggies of salt and vinegar potato chips for both of us, which have gotten me through a few Ironmans before. When Rachel tasted them, she was elated. It was probably the best moment of the race so far. When you’re exercising for that long, it’s amazing what the body craves (and on the flip side, it can be amazing how much the body won’t tolerate when it comes to nutrition). `

The boost from our salt and vinegar chips didn’t last long. I felt like we were really dragging. Then I heard a high pitched squeaking noise… that’s never a good sign. I told Rachel I was going to pull over to check the brakes. As it turned out, both of our brakes were rubbing! We speculated that the heat had someting to do with it. The metal disc brakes could have shifted because of the extreme temperature. We could have been wrong, but it made sense at the time!

After fixing the brakes, we set off again. Throughout the ride, Rachel had been in good spirits. We talked throughout much of the early part of the ride because we were in a low endurance zone. But as we got further into the ride we becane much less chatty. When Rachel stopped responding with as much “energy”, I began to worry a bit. We saw dozens of athletes on the side of the road. One man had stopped at a spectator’s home and was lying on the side of the road holding an ice pack they had given him. I was feeling pretty good, but I have done a bunch of races in the heat. I learned from my mistakes in Panama (I did the 70.3 Panama in February) and was very conscious of hydration during the race. Rachel is a new triathlete. It’s impossible to predict how your body will react in extreme conditions and it’s even harder to predict when you don’t have a ton of racing experience.

I assumed that most of the aid stations had someone to administer first aid, so I told Rachel that we were going to stop at the next station and find her an ice pack. She didn’t protest. By some miracle, the next aid station actually had a kiddie pool filled wth ice. There was a woman sitting in the pool who looked as red as a beet. We took off our cycling shoes and helmets and got in the pool with her. It was so hot outside, the water didn’t even feel cold. I couldn’t believe it.

I don’t know exactly how long we stayed at the aid station, but I am convinced that the ice bath saved the race for us. When we began riding again, I could feel the difference in Rachel’s riding. She was pushing harder and seemed to have a lot more energy. I felt better for a while, but the heat started to get to me with about 30 miles to go. When you’ve already gone 80 miles, 32 shouldn’t seem like many, but it felt like an unconquerable distance.

I found myself getting very, very quiet. I hoped Rachel didn’t say anything. She was quiet too. I told her that I would do whatever I could to get us to 112. I knew that she was working as hard as she could, but we still had a marathon to go, so I didn’t want to risk pushing Rachel too hard. There were points in the race when I fantasize about quitting. I thought to myself, “It wouldn’t be so bad if Rachel wanted to stop right now.” But in the back of my head I knew that it would be worth it to keep going. Shortly before mile 90 pick up truck filled with bikes passed by. After racing for 13 years I’ve seen a lot of things, but I have never seen so many abandoned bikes.

The heat was dangerous. It was crippling even the fittest athletes. The aid station at mile 90 was sent to be seen. As we approached, I asked Rachel if there was a party going on. There appeared to be dozens of people just hanging out at the aid station. Rachel and I needed to use the porta potties, and when I was waiting for her to finish I noticed a group of very fit looking athletes sitting under a tent. It was obvious that they had all thrown in the towel. This might sound twisted, but seeing a bunch of in shape athletes who had decided to drop out somehow we had our job is to me. Maybe it was a case of schadenfreude. Either way, I was determined to get through the bike.

The last hour of the bike was pretty quiet. I had to stop and fix the brakes again. I think I had to fix them a total of three times during the ride. I don’t know how much the brakes rubbing slowed us down compared to the heat, but the combination of those two factors really did a number on us. When we finally got to the Woodlands, I was thrilled. It felt like we were home again! I realized that we had spent almost 8 hours on the bike, which is pretty astounding considering the pace we held for the first half of the bike.

I let Rachel know that we were approaching the bike dismount line. After so many hours in the saddle, I think there was a disconnect between her mind and her feet, because she was unable to clip out of her pedal as I stopped at the line. So of course, the only mishap we had, was in front of hundreds of spectators at the finish of the bike. Rachel was not hurt, so it was actually pretty funny. But I felt like a terrible guide!

Run

I cannot describe how excited I felt when the volunteers took the bike from us. Rachel and I walked as quickly as we could to the changing tent to prepare for the run. We took just over 14 minutes in T2. We spent a little bit of time putting our compression socks on, but I maintain that it is worth the extra time. Rachel was still recovering from the ride, so we started out walking. The heat was so bad, it was almost impossible to run. After a few miles we started to job in the shade, but there was very little shade to be found. I just wanted to make it to aid station for, where I knew our RWB teammates would be waiting. One of the most exciting parts ofWas passing the RWB aid station with our tents and flags boasting the Team Red, Whire & Blue Eagle. Ironman volunteers are an incredibly tough bunch. Our volunteers began the day at 5 AM and did not quit until after midnight.

Both Rachel and I are talkative and friendly so we made a lot of friends during the run. One of the first friends we made was a Marine officer based at Camp Lejeune. As he passed us he asked me what exactly Team RWB was. I used the opportunity to try and recruit him. I hope he remembers to look us up. Talking to the officer motivated me because I dedicated my race to our active duty servicemembers and veterans.

Coming into our second lap, I did not think we were in any trouble as far as meeting the 17 hour time constraint. We were very conservative during the marathon, because I felt that being conservative was far better than pushing ourselves past what our bodies could handle and ending up like a countless people who were forced to leave the event and ambulances. All throughout the race heard sirens going off and we knew more and more people were forced to quit. We moved a lot quicker on our second lap than we did on the first, but we still were not able to run very quickly. I felt shockingly strong during the run, which made me very happy. My biggest fear is having to make my athlete slowdown because I cannot go any faster. It has happened to me two times, and both of those places are still painful to think about. When I racing, 100% of my focus is on the athlete with whom I am competing. I wanted nothing more than to allow Rachel to run the race SHE wanted to run. i still encouraged her to drink, taking calories, and consume salt tabs. Anything can happen during an Ironman marathon. You can never be too careful when it comes to nutrition.

However, the types of foods we ate during the marathon are pretty funny. The most exciting thing that I found at in a station on the course with pickles. My two favorite foods during the run at Ironman Texas were chicken broth and pickles. I choked down a Gu or two, but it was tough to eat anything at all. It was still blazing hot even after the sun went down. When I felt Rachel’s arm, she was hot to the touch.

Some people on the course remembered us from the bike and asked us if we had been on the tandem. Many people let us know how inspired they were by what Rachel was doing. On occasion, we got an, “Oh, how cute! You guys are tied together!” I suppose that if you did not know that Rachel is visually impaired you might think that we were using the tether as a gimmick. I used every opportunity I could to explain that she was a physically challenged athlete. I would love for it to be commonplace to see visually impaired athletes in triathlons, so I believe that spreading awareness is of the utmost importance.

As it got dark, I began to realize that Rachel probably never trained in the dark at home. I mean, why would she? I asked her if she had run in the dark before. She confirmed my suspicion, that this would be a first for her. So during the final 9 miles of the marathon, not only did Rachel have to battle extreme fatigue, but she would be forced to run in pitch darkness for the very first time. In addition, we began to realize that we would be cutting it very close to the 17 hour time limit.

I did some quick math, and noted that we would need to go about 15 minutes per mile on the last loop to make it to the finish line before 11:50 PM. Midnight is the cutoff for age groupers, but because we started with the pros we had 10 fewer minutes. Rachel was wearing a Garmin watch, but it was not reliable. We had to just run as much as possible and pray that we would make it.

We ran some of the last lap with a fellow RWB member, Boonsri. He would stay with us for a while, get tired and walk, and then catch back up a few minutes later. This race wrecked everyone in it. The Team RWB aid station fell just before mile 22 on the third lap. By this point, I was getting a little nervous. The race could have gone either way. As we passed by our team members, I saw Hailey Lanier, the four year old daughter of my good friend, Allison, whom I stayed with earlier in the week. Seeing Hailey pumped me up! I couldn’t believe she was still awake, and cheering!!! Next, my friend, Hailey, ran up beside me. She said, “I have Jared on the phone! He says he loves you and that you should kick it into the next gear!” Getting a message like that was the final push I needed…

I was in focus mode. Rachel and I speed walked the next two miles. At that point, running and speed walking were so close in pacing, we thought walking fast might be more efficient. Boonsri caught up to us and let Rachel hold his arm for a while. At that point, it was so dark that Rachel had to hold my arm at all times. We turned each mile to the session we did not have time to stop it, so I would call to the volunteers and ask them to hand us fluids as we walked by. If they didn’t react fast enough, we would keep walking and usually someone would run up to us with a cup of water.

As we approach the final 2 miles we passed by the home of two new friends whom I stayed with the Thursday before the race. John and Nancy walked with us for close to a mile. Boon and I chatted with them, but Rachel was dead silent; she was totally in the zone. Just before 2 miles to go, I reminded Rachel that her daughters were waiting at the finish line for her. It was time to fucking GO! Rachel started running and didn’t stop.

We were still cutting it incredibly close. Rachel kept a really good pace. I stayed silent and tried to match her stride. There was nothing else to say. We were pushing it to the end. We got close to the second to last aid station and I noticed a sign that said, “Mile 7, 16, and 24 here.” A few minutes before, I told Rachel that we were almost at mile 25. I couldn’t believe it! Had I just lied to Rachel? If we had been at mile 24, we wouldn’t have made it. Thankfully, the sign was wrong. About a quarter mile after that aid station, we hit mile 25. We had less than 15 minutes to go 1.2 miles. The last mile seems very very long. There was an out and back along the water that messed with my head. I just wanted to be at the finish line already! Heading into the home stretch, about a half mile before the end, Allison handed me her American flag. At the Chicago triathlon last August, the only other race I had done with Rachel, I ran five of the 6.2 miles carrying an American flag. When Allison handed me the flag I got goosebumps. I remembered why we love racing. This meant more than both of us. This Ironman was about overcoming obstacles that Rachel at one point believed were insurmountable.

I had not seen the finishing stretch, so I was unsure of all of the turns. I relied on volunteers to steer us towards the finish line. I did everything I could to hold the flag high. Rachel seems to be running better than she had the entire race. The energy of the crowd at an Ironman finish line the last few minutes before midnight is unparalleled. I’m glad I got to experience the energy of this group of people. I told Rachel to grab the flag with me and we ran across the line. We headed into the shoot and picked up speed with every step. I began crying before we even crossed the finish line. I was overcome with pride for Rachel and filled with a feeling of utter joy. I wrapped my arms around her in congratulations. We had finished 140.6 miles in 16:58:14. One minute, forty-six seconds to spare.

Rachel said the only thing I could possibly hope to hear after an Ironman. She told me, “I wouldn’t have changed one thing about that race.”

Rachel Weeks is the first athlete with Usher Syndrome, a condition that has caused her to lose her vision and hearing, to finish an IRONMAN TRIATHLON. Check her out at 2:38 and 7:29 in the official Ironman Race Day video from Ironman Texas 2013.IRONMAN TEXAS RACE DAY VIDEO 2013

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A few friends wanted to know more about guiding visually impaired triathletes, so I decided to answer some of their questions in a Q & A form. If you would like to add any more questions to the list, please email me at caroline.gaynor@gmail.com.

Here are the questions and my responses:

Do you query the athlete’s expectations before you agree to guide them, to ensure you are up to the challenge? For example, what if they want to go faster than you?

I definitely discuss an athletes expectations before agreeing to guide. If you are significantly faster than an athlete, you will reduce the chances of having a “bad” race and causing them to reduce their speed, but unfortunately, guides can have bad days too!

Do you swim side by side, or do you sort of take the lead and they swim off your hip?

Para triathlon rules dictate that I cannot swim ahead of my athlete. We can swim side by side, or she can swim slightly ahead of me. If she were to swim slightly behind me, this would be an unfair advantage, as she would get the benefit of my draft.

Before your very first race, did you do much training with an athlete? How did you learn how to do the bike?

Funny you should ask! Before my first triathlon as a guide, I had less than a week’s notice. I received a call the week of the New York City Triathlon from Matt Miller, founder of the C Different Foundation. Matt told me that he had an athlete coming in from Chicago to do the race and he wanted to know if I knew anyone who could guide. I was already registered for the race, so I agreed to race as a guide instead.

I met my athlete, Kim Borowicz, the day before the race. She took the train into the city from JFK and met me in midtown. I had ridden a tandem that morning, with Matt Miller as my stoker (a captain or pilot is the front person on a tandem, a stoker sits behind them). Matt and I rode one loop of Central Park and I almost lost my mind, I was so scared. He is significantly heavier than Kim, so his movements had a huge effect on the front of the bike. He was doing everything he could to throw me off. So, to answer the question, I really learned how to pilot a tandem on the fly! My first time riding with a visually impaired athlete was during the 2008 NYC Triathlon.

It seems to me that you take some of these races on short notice, is that accurate? If so, how are you able to get/stay in shape for it? Most people train for 6+ months for an Ironman, and you just “do” it?? Is this a youth thing or what?

I wouldn’t say it’s a youth thing… I tend to be the backup person a lot of the time. I like to be flexible, so it’s easy for me to jump in and race when I’m needed. I guess I have a lot of fitness “in the bank” because I have been racing for so long. I had plenty of notice for IM Texas, but the first Ironman I guided was on 5 weeks notice. I received an email from a friend who had heard about an athlete in Seattle who needed a guide for IMLP because her guide had broken her wrist during a training ride. I felt that I had enough fitness to race.

How much does your water polo experience help you in the water? I’m assuming by your comments that you don’t have any anxiety about the swim pre-race?

I think my water polo and life guarding experience help me a lot in the water (Thanks, Coach Lee!). When I started doing triathlons, I was already used to being rough in the water. When I started guiding, I had already been racing for 7 years, so I had a decent amount of experience under my belt.

I don’t usually have much anxiety before races… I think it’s because I tend to caretaker mode. When I fee like it is my job to control a situation, I shut off the part of my brain that makes me feel nervous.

Can you wear a wetsuit and your partner not (or vice versa)?

Depending on the race, wetsuits are absolutely legal. Rachel and I did not wear wetsuits at IMTX because the water was warm enough that I felt it was unsafe to wear a wetsuit.

Does guiding a race count towards national ranking?

Officially, I don’t think so. Lately, I have been guiding so much that I haven’t been nationally ranked. However, some of my guiding results show up under my own name. I haven’t checked to see whether they are separated out because I raced in the PC wave. I am sure that USAT would remove the results from my profile if I asked. Often, your name will not appear anywhere if you are guiding, but at Ironman events, guides get their own chips and bib numbers.

Because of the stakes, what are your thoughts on average age group swimmers becoming guides? I get very anxious pre-race, and a lot of it is due to the swim. I don’t know how much help I could be to my athlete if I’m wanting to throw up myself!

I think this is a personal choice. I would absolutely recommend practicing the swim with your athlete if you get nervous. If you are a competent swimmer, there is no reason why you can’t guide an athlete that you can (at the very least) keep up with. Just be honest with your athlete. Never claim to be able to go faster than you can. You’ll only be doing yourself and your athlete a disservice.

How do you handle potty breaks? I’m guessing that Rachael wouldn’t have liked it too much if you stood up on the bike and started peeing!

Unfortunately, when I’m on the front of a tandem, I lose the ability to pee while riding. Let’s call it a courtesy to my athlete. During Ironman events, I try to discuss pee breaks with my athlete.

“How long can you hold it?”
“Do you want to go at this aid station or the next?”
“I think the line is too long at this aid station. Let’s wait.”

In Ironman races, there are usually bike racks where athletes can leave their bikes while they use the faciities. Sometimes I’ll rack the tandem, and sometimes a nice volunteer will hold the bike while we go!

How would you recommend someone break into being a guide? Perhaps on run only events to figure it out, or maybe as a training partner?

I think that it is always best to train with an athlete before you race with them, if possible. Obviously, there have been many times when I have not been able to train with someone before I raced with her, but it’s still not an ideal situation. Running is certainly the easiest way to begin guiding. If you are set on guiding a triathlon, I would try and locate a tandem bike in your area and practice riding with a sighted person before you ride with a visually impaired individual.

Do you bring your own pedals to the races?

When I race, I bring my own pedals and seat.

Is it the athlete’s responsibility to get a bike for the race?

I suppose technically it is the athlete’s responsibilty to get a bike before a race, but there are many people that are willing and able to help. Some of the organizations that are particularly helpful are: Achilles International, Para Promotions, and the C Different Foundation.

If an athlete owns their own bike, they get it to races the same way you or I would. In fact, Tri Bike Transport has begun transporting tandem bikes (used by para-athletes) for free! Thanks, Tri Bike!!!

Is it better to start with an Olympic distance, move to 70.3 then on to a full?

Paratriathlon is a new sport in the 2016 Paralympics. I actually recommend starting with sprint triathlons, as that is the official distance for international paratriathlon competitions.

I read some where I think that you have done other races with Rachel, do you stay with the same athlete for awhile?

If I get along well with an athlete, I usually want to do multiple races with them! I am not committed to racing with one particular athlete. None of the women I guide live near me, so I pretty much train on my own and meet up with visually impared athletes for races.

Did someone teach you how to guide?

Every athlete has different things that they expect from a guide, so I feel like I am constantly learning. But no, no one ever sat me down and taught me how to guide, as far as I can remember. I probably learned by watching my good friend, Aaron Scheidies, race.

Did Rachel have to learn how to be guided in a race atmosphere as opposed to in every day life?

You’ll have to ask her!

Did you do an Ironman solo before doing it as a guide?

I did one Ironman in 2005 solo. It was an iron-distance race called Silverman. I didn’t even consider doing another Ironman until I found out about an athlete that needed a guide for Ironman Lake Placid in 2010.

Regarding potty breaks, do you un-tether?

We definitely untether. Depending on the athletes level of vision, I will either wait to go, or go in a stall near them. Since stalls are dark, I usually tell the athlete which side the toilet paper is on.

Do you help them with their nutrition? For example if they want a gel every 20 minutes or x miles?

At Ironman Texas, I tried to help Rachel with her nutrition. It was more about reminding her (and myself) to drink, take salt tablets, and eat at regular intervals.

If the athlete can’t draft off of you on the swim, who drafts if you come up to someone’s feet (you of the athlete)?

I have never been in a situation where I was able to draft while guiding. Usually it’s more of a battle in the water than anything else. I try not to be too close to people because I don’t want to clothesline anyone 🙂

If you do a wetsuit swim you would lose the tether before stripping, then what (hold hands to T1 or what)?

Have you ever done larger running events as a guide? In my experience they are bedlam and it could prove difficult to keep people from running between you.

I have done some NYRR races as a guide in New York. For larger events, it’s good to have a sweeper to get people to move out of your way when you’re trying to pass.

You’re in the final leg and your athlete wants to walk. How much do you push/encourage them vs. acquiescing?

That’s tricky. I like to coach/motivate, but it really depends on whom I’m racing with. I try to be conscious of how the athlete is feeling. It’s more of a “do you want to run now?” Situation than a, “come on, you can do it!” thing. I do tell athletes where we are in the race and talk race strategy with them. I try to plan out where to make moves in the race, if it’s appropriate.

Have you ever had an athlete get into distress on the run? How did/would you handle that? Might you talk about quitting? Might you quit yourself if they are bad enough?

I have had to stop a race because an athlete was severely dehydrated. It’s as disappointing as when I have a bad race solo. But safety is always the priority. I wouldn’t stop racing without the athlete making the decision unless I really felt their health was at risk.

Are you as chatty towards the end of the race or do you talk less as you get tired (please tell me you do get tired!)

Of course I get tired! Everyone gets tired. I think that’s what is so interesting about long course racing. Rachel and I discussed the fact that we might have high and low points in the race at opposite times. Sometimes you can get really annoyed at your athlete and they can get REALLY annoyed and frustrated with you. Imagine being tied to your best friend for 15 hours. Now add in 140.6 miles of exercise… Tensions can arise during a race!

Do you talk at all during a swim? I.e., left turn ahead? How do you handle turns?

I try to talk as little as possible during the swim, because I don’t want to slow my athlete down. Sometimes it is necessary to stop and reorient if it seems like we are getting too far off course. I have had to talk down a number of athletes during panick attacks. During those instances, I absolutely talk to my athlete!

Do you prefer your athletes on one side or the other? Do you alter your breathing so you can keep a better eye on them?

I try not to have a dominant side when it comes to positioning because I race with so many different athletes. I usually go on whichever side they prefer. When I’m swimming with a tether, more often than not, I will breathe every other stroke instead of every three so that I can keep an eye on my athlete. Sometimes I switch sides so my neck doesn’t start hurting.

Did I hear you say you watch for swimmers trying to come up between you? How do you do that?

In addition to sighting on the swim, if we are in a large group of swimmers, as is the case in Ironman events, I will occasionally look back at the field. For the most part, if I feel someone coming right behind me, I might look back. If the person doesn’t pick his or her head up, I have, in some instances, grabbed a person’s head and shouted, “You can’t swim between us! We’re tied together!” Other guides might have different tactics.

What would you do if your tether broke on the swim?

I have had at least one tether break before. It’s kind of a pain… you have to almost swim like you’re jumping rope! It gets tiring. If a tether broke in an ironman, I would try to re-tie it in the water.

I’m typically a bit fuzzy headed and wobbly at the end of the swim. Are you or your athlete? Does it require special attention/care?
I think everyone is wobbly after a swim. I just focus on moving towards transition and not causing my athlete to trip and fall!

I’m not sure how a tandem works. If I’m a stronger rider than my athlete am I able to carry 60% of the load, or if I push harder does that make them have to work harder.

On a tandem, you can push as hard as you want, and your athlete could just soft pedal, if he or she wanted to. Most tandems require that athletes ride with synchronized cadence. You will feel if one person is pushing harder than the other. You can’t force a stoker to put out more power by riding harder. You could cause them to speed up their cadence. I might be wrong about this one…

I have copied the text from a New York Times article on guiding visually impaired triathletes that was published last July. I was honored to be interviewed for the piece, and I think the author did a wonderful job describing how rewarding it is to compete in a triathlon as a guide for a visually impaired triathlete.

For Blind Competitors, Partners Show the Way

By ZACH SCHONBRUN

Published: July 7, 2012

The toughest of the three legs of an Olympic triathlon, for a blind athlete, is generally the swim.

A plunge into cold water can drown one’s alternate sensory perception. Sudden, seizing panic attacks can follow, like waves of paralyzing disorientation. Shivering fits. It is at these rare nadirs when the blind may seek an encouraging tug.

Six completely blind athletes will swim the 0.93 miles, bike the 24.8 miles and run the 6.2 miles of the New York City Triathlon’s course through the West Side of Manhattan on Sunday. Making every step, spin and stroke along with them will be six volunteer guides, tethered to them.

“It’s a teamwork, a partnership, no question,” said Caroline Gaynor, who will be making her fifth guiding appearance. “I don’t necessarily like it when people say, ‘Oh, it’s so great you do that.’ I get as much out of it as they do.”

During the swim and the run, the pairs are connected by bungeelike cords, typically wrapped around each other’s waist (occasionally, they are attached by the wrist). For the bike portion, they ride a tandem — a specially modeled dual-seat cycle, sighted guide in front, legs pedaling in synchrony.

When guiding, the minutest of details must be tended to. The night before the race, shoelaces need tying, goggles need taping, tethers need adjusting to a manageable length. Too short, and rhythm can be disrupted. Too long, and the blind swimmer cannot feel the guide’s directional tugs.

The number of steps from the river to the road might be counted. Succinct communication calls, like a coach’s playbook, are critical for the swimming and cycling portions, when hearing can be difficult.

When the guide Sameh Mikhail met his athlete, Terry Gardner, for the first time in 2010, it took them nearly two hours of practice just to be able to balance on the tandem bike.

The runs involve near-continual dialogue: alerts about the next turn, dip, hill, curb and grate, along with the occasional pep talk. Mikhail said Gardner even liked him to keep a running count of every person they passed.

Understandably, the guides need to be in top triathlon shape to be able to race with the athlete and also adapt to conflicts that almost always arise.

The first time Steve Zink ever guided, their tandem bike’s rear derailleur broke halfway down the West Side Highway. Unable to fix it and unwilling to give up, Zink and his partner decided to run the rest of the way, carrying the bike a good 10 miles, in just their socks.

“He’s behind me holding onto the bike and I’m guiding him and guiding the bike,” Zink said. “We were coasting down hills. We developed a system on the spot to sort of skateboard along when it’s flat.

“It was improvisational,” he added. “A lot of these people are totally capable; they just need your help.”

Gaynor, 28, said she had raced in more than 50 triathlons individually since high school but preferred only guiding now. Her partners vary.

In May, Gaynor noticed a Facebook group for blind triathletes and posted a message inquiring if any needed a guide for the New York City Triathlon. Jan Ditchfield — the founder of an Ontario-based organization called Won With One, the only self-financed program for blind and visually impaired triathletes in Canada — responded.

Ditchfield connected Gaynor with Leona Emberson, whom she had never met before Friday, when Leona arrived and the two practiced a bit in Central Park. The crash-course training, Gaynor said, is part of the challenge.

“I think of myself as equipment,” Gaynor said. “These are competent, capable people, and they don’t want to have their hands held unless they need to. They wouldn’t be racing with me unless they needed to have a guide. So I want to respect the amount of independence that they want, but also give as much as help as they need.”

A few organizations, including Won With One, work with volunteer guides and pair them with athletes based on size, age and ability (most races enforce same-gender pairings). The athlete establishes the pace.

John Korff, the race’s owner, said the triathlon had averaged four to eight blind athletes each year since 2002. On Korff’s desk in his Midtown Manhattan office is a framed photograph of Gaynor finishing in 2008 with Kim Borowicz, who has tears streaming down her cheeks.

“The guide is giving that person the gift of the triathlon,” Korff said. “This is their sport, but they can’t do it alone.”

For 11 months of the year, Mikhail, 33, trains and races individually. But, after meeting Gardner, Mikhail said as long as Gardner still wanted to do it, he would never run the New York City Triathlon alone again.

“It’s Terry’s,” Mikhail said. “I feel like that’s his focus of the year. I would never be able to selfish enough to be like, ‘O.K., it’s about me now.’ There’s so much more to this now that running it by myself would feel essentially empty.”

If all goes well, six blind athletes will finish on Sunday, and their “eyes” will detach and walk away. The guides are not technically registered, nor are they recorded as finishers. The blind athletes receive most of the hugs and the handshakes.

The guides, those who steer, steady, tug, coach and motivate, only share in the internal reward.

“It’s their race,” Gaynor said. “If I can just help a person have their best possible race, so that they can cross the finish line feeling like they accomplished something, like the way I have felt when I’ve finished races, then that’s awesome.”

Marine Corps veteran, Jared Rose, in his own words:
“I joined the Marine Corps in November of 2006 and became a Machine Gunner. I felt as if I had found my mission in life. In May of 2009, 2/8 Marines deployed to Afghanistan for Operation Khanjari. We all knew this was going to be a completely different ball game. We had multiple briefs on the enemy situation. 2/8 would be the “tip of the spear” heading into uncharted territory in the Helmand River Valley. We saw combat nearly every day. It seemed so likely that we would strike an IED, that it we joked about it. On August 2nd, 2009, I got hit by my first IED. I suffered a traumatic brain injury (TBI) and some bumps and bruises. I was knocked out for about 10 minutes.
6 weeks later, on September 29th,, my vehicle was hit by another IED. It cut our vehicle completely in half. The truck was thrown in a front flip motion and landed topside down about 20 feet from the blast. My gunner and dismount were severely wounded. My driver was trapped underneath the steering column, but luckily only suffered minor injuries. I was left with another TBI, some superficial shrapnel, and other minor injuries. My Battalion lost 14 Marines on that deployment, and many more were severely wounded. My life was forever changed.

I came home from deployment and was a different man. After being wounded and sent to wounded warrior battalion, I was on a pharmacy full of medications, I felt like a zombie. For the first time in my life I was out of shape. I joined the WAR (warrior athlete reconditioning) program and started cycling to get back in shape. As I started getting more fit, I started realizing that exercise was absolutely crushing many symptoms I was dealing with. My headaches retreated, I was able to sleep (better at least), my rage and anger were being put into the pedals or the weights…and my depression had retreated.

Then came my medical retirement from the Marine Corps: I spent less time exercising and lost the sense of community I had in the Corps. Invisible wounds such as depression, nightmares, and bouts of rage re-surfaced. I felt overwhelmed with a sense of guilt. I still feel incredibly guilty that I walked away with such minor injuries compared to the other brothers in my vehicle and those in my Battalion who fared worse than me.

After growing so isolated since leaving Active Duty, I found a new purpose in life when I joined Team Red, White & Blue. Team RWB has not taken away my problems, but it has given me a purpose, motivation, and the ability to serve as a leader right in my new community. I am now the Veteran Outreach Director for the NYC chapter. This role enables me to reach out to other veterans who I know are struggling, but may not be sure what to do. I’ve been down that road and know what to do: Join me on Team Red, White & Blue and turn to the power of community and exercise to fight through life’s challenges.”

Jared Rose completed the Ironman U.S. Championship on August 11th, 2012 in a time of 12:44. His is a story of sacrifice, resilience and determination. Semper Fi, Jared.

After writing the report about my recent experience at Ironman 70.3 Panama, I revisited a race report I wrote after competing in Ironman 70.3 Hawaii in 2007. The contrast between my Panama and Hawaii reports is interesting. When I competed in Hawaii I was 23 years old. I had never guided a visually impaired triathlete, and I had no experience working with veterans. When I raced, and I only focused on my own results. I wanted to set personal records and qualify for higher level races. Looking back, I realize that I raced like I had something to prove. I enjoyed competing; I always have enjoyed the sport of triathlon, and I always will.

With six more years of racing under my belt and experience racing with members of the para-triathlon community, competing in triathlons has a much greater significance. When I’m having a tough day, I think about the men and women serving in our military, suffering overseas. Even if they want to quit, they cannot. I think about the para-athletes who compete with immense physical challenges. The people I have been fortunate enough to meet through this sport over the past six years have enriched my life immeasurably. Since 2007, have learned many things. I now understand the adage, “racing is 90% mental and 10% physical.” I believe that no matter how much you prepare for a race, it is inevitable that an unforeseen variable will force you to alter your plan and you must take it in stride. Most importantly, I have learned to appreciate racing. In racing, as in life, you should live in the moment, focus on getting from one mile to the next, and never worry about how much farther you have to go. With persistence, determination, and resilience, you will get to the finish line eventually.

In 2007, I called this writeup, “The Hardest Race of My Life.”

Thursday, May 31, 2007

I left work at 11am to catch a 2:35 flight out of JFK. I was petrified that my bike wouldn’t make the connection from LAX to Kona. I could barely sleep on the flights (I didn’t want to take a sleeping pill because I knew I had to be alert on Friday).

At LAX I started to get really lonely. I made a few phone calls while eating dinner, but I just felt even worse. I met my first racer before we boarded the flight to Kona. Though he warned me how incredibly tough the run was, I still felt more at ease knowing someone else was there with me. He told me he normally runs a 1:35 half marathon after a 56 mile bike (1:22 with no bike), and last year he ran 1:59 on the course.

We landed in Kona at 10:00 PM, which for me, felt like 4am. At this point, I had been awake since 6:00 AM Thursday. 22 hours and counting…

Thankfully, my bike and wheels landed with me – intact (or so I thought). I decided to rent a car to avoid having to take cabs from my hotel to the race hotel.

I was able to shuffle to the Hertz van with my bike box, wheel bag, race bag and carry-on bag in tow. I’m glad I’ve had so much practice getting my bike box in and out of cars… I had no trouble fitting the box into my tiny Ford Focus. I almost passed out on the way to my hotel. The only road in Kona is a straight, dark highway that literally circles the entire island. I was imagining a road with a strip of well-lit resorts, with easy-to-read signs displaying their names. I didn’t notice any hotels on my drive. I was lucky enough to spot the sign for the Hapuna Beach Prince. I don’t know if I could have made it another 5 minutes without falling asleep.

This hotel was, without a doubt, the nicest place I’d ever stayed. When I first stepped into my room, I was already bummed out that I couldn’t stay longer than the weekend. I was certainly relieved that after a day of traveling, I was finally in Hawaii.

Friday, June 1, 2007

I woke up early because I was absolutely famished. I NEVER pack enough food for my flights. I’m the freak on the airplane who always asks for two of everything…

A buffet brunch was included in the price of my hotel, so I stuffed my face full of potatoes, eggs and French toast, before I headed to my room to unpack my bike. I was planning to get my bike tuned up by the official bike shop, and had made a reservation at the store. However, when I called the shop, they informed me that they were located an hour from my hotel and that there was no way for me to get my bike checked out at the satellite store (at the race expo) because the list of people needing help was too long. I decided to put my bike together and take my chances at the expo… I wasn’t about to drive an hour for a tune up. I silently vowed that I wouldn’t stress out about details on this trip.

The drive to the race hotel (the Mauna Lani) was much farther than I thought. It was at least 5 miles away from my hotel. Thank goodness I decided to rent a car!!! I had to park in the event parking lot, which was essentially a huge lot of crushed lava rocks. I took the shuttle bus to the expo, and spoke to a guy in the Navy who normally races on a beach cruiser (they wouldn’t let him in this event) and a guy who does adventure races who is currently recovering from skin cancer. The doctors removed most of the skin from the bottom of his face. He said he’d be easy to spot because he had to race in a black mask to block out all of the UV rays (during the race I saw him three times on the course). He said that with this type of cancer, 1% of the people who get it have a chance of recurrence… he happened to be in that one percent. This guy was so hard core, he was even camping out near the race site. Everyone you meet at these races has some kind of cool story.

I got to the expo as soon as it opened, and approached the bike mechanics to see if they’d have a chance to look at my bike. The line was really long, so they asked me to ride my bike first to see if I had trouble shifting. First, I wandered around the expo and bought some CO2 and yet another pair of goggles – I have HUGE issues with goggles… every pair I own leaks. I think something is wrong with my face.

After dropping off my bike to run bag (there were two separate transition areas), I went back to the Hapuna Beach Prince to test out my bike. About 5 minutes into the ride, my lower gears started making a terrible noise. I also felt like the cleat on my right shoe was seriously out of whack. I was getting a little nervous about my chances of posting a good bike time. And I don’t even need to mention the heat. The lava rocks make the island feel like an oven. I was sweating my ass off after an easy spin on the bike – awesome.

I drove my bike back to the Mauna Lani to get help from the bike guys. I asked a mechanic to see if my front wheel needed to be trued… This is when I found out that my incredibly expensive Zipp racing wheel was cracked!!! Since I’ve never crashed on those wheels, it was most likely broken during the flight to Kona. Andy (the NYC mechanic) took some of the pressure off spokes near the cracks and told me I could race on the wheels for 56 miles, but that I probably wouldn’t want to go much farther. Thank goodness I promised myself I wouldn’t stress about the details. These things always seem to work out. I went into this trip knowing full well that something would go wrong—something always does. I get annoyed when people think I’m being negative when I prepare for the worst case scenario in every situation. To me, preparing for the worst is the most positive thing to do! If you are ready to handle even the worst outcome, you can tackle any problem. I definitely consider myself an optimist.

Dropped my bike at T1 and went for a quick swim to test out the water—and my new goggles. The beaches on Kona are absolutely beautiful. I didn’t want to leave the water.

After dinner, I went to a market to purchase some Red Bull, and I was finally able to go back to my hotel. The night before a race I like to decompress for at least an hour before going to bed. When I got to my room, I put all my race gear in a pile on the floor and wrote a list of what I needed for the morning. I set my alarm for 3:45 and went to bed.

Saturday, June 2, 2007

In the morning, I drank my quadruple shot of espresso that had been sitting in the fridge all night and attempted to organize all my crap for the race. I was able to walk to the swim start from my hotel, which definitely cut down on my stress level.

I got to T1 with plenty of time to spare. I ran into my bike mechanic friend, who wanted to take another look at my broken Zipp. He determined that the Zipp was fine, but then proceeded to break the valve extender on my rear wheel, which meant he had to deflate my tire to remove the extender from the tube. Unfortunately, he couldn’t find a replacement for the part and had to tape the extender back on the tube. I’ve never had so many things go wrong with my bike. The mechanic promised to take pictures of me during the bike if he could get back to his hotel to pick up his camera. I was really pumped to have someone to cheer for me on the course!

Ironman logo races are pretty cool because you get your number stamped to your arm. I was number 1136, so my number stretched all the way to my elbow. I did feel pretty badass with my speedsuit on and my number stamped to my arm—I would soon feel much less badass. I should have been more nervous, considering the fact that it was only 6:45 and I was already sweating.

As we stood on the beach waiting for the start, a girl told me we’d tread water for a bit before the gun went off. My goggles weren’t on… I was just chilling out. Suddenly, everyone made a mad dash for the water!!! I guess someone jumped the gun, which prompted the whole field to start the race prematurely. I don’t think it would have been possible for the race directors to call everyone back… I guess they just started the clock when everyone started running. I sprinted towards the first buoy, watching people fall all over each other. I was just praying that my goggles wouldn’t leak—which, of course, they did.

The water was gorgeous, but it’s hard to enjoy a swim when you’re knocking elbows with 1000 other competitors (I can’t believe it was a one wave start!). Also, the leaky goggles issue didn’t help. I had to stop at least 4 times to fix them. And holy crap, I never realized how much water I swallow during races. In transition, a girl standing near me said, “I feel like the inside of my mouth is a salt lick!” If only the gross taste was the problem… my stomach started hurting a few minutes later.

I exited the swim at around 38 minutes, which isn’t terrible (for me), considering how many times I had to stop. I ran up through the showers and into transition… I was just happy to get started with my favorite part of the race.

The first mile of the bike was pretty much straight up hill. Because I’m an average to slow swimmer, there were TONS of people starting the bike at the same time I was. Within 2 minutes of my ride, I had already scratched my leg on the plastic tie that was holding my number on my bike. It was already incredibly hot out, and my Gatorade and Red Bull mixture (usually the thing I look forward to most during the bike leg) tasted like shit.

Instead of putting my tubes and C02 in my bento box, like I’ve done in the past, I made the mistake of shoving them into one of the rear bottle holders on my bike. They seemed to be pretty secure when I was setting everything up in the morning, but about 15 minutes into the bike I hit a bump and everything went flying! One of my tubes almost got caught in my rear wheel. I watched it hanging on my frame, inches from the spokes of my rear wheel. Had it gotten caught, I would have gone flying over the front of my handle bars. A woman who rode by me as I stopped to remove the tube shouted, “Boy, are you lucky!!!” Thankfully, I didn’t crash… but I did have to ride 53 more miles without any materials to change a flat tire.

My stomach started hurting pretty early on in the bike. I thought it would go away towards the end, but it actually got worse. I wish I had known to carry Pepto Bismol tablets with me.

The bike course was along the main highway on the island. The entire ride is part of the Ironman World Championship. The turnaround was at the top of a 5 mile climb at Havi. It was so hot outside; I couldn’t stomach any of the food I’d taken with me. During my entire 2 hour 55 minute bike ride I managed to choke down 2 Espresso Love GUs, 1 banana and 1 cookie. At the Devilman Half, I ate 4 GUs and an entire snickers marathon bar—at the start of the run in this race, I was already at a 700 calorie deficit.

Thankfully, the aid stations in Kona were well stocked. I grabbed cold waters at every station on the bike course and poured as much as I could on my head. This bike ride was incredibly painful. My stomach hurt too much to remain in the aero position for more than a few minutes at a time, and I was dizzy and nauseous most of the ride. I really couldn’t push myself as hard as I wanted to because I was so dizzy I was afraid of falling off my bike. I hoped for some wind to cool the course down, but whenever I felt a gust, it was almost hotter than the air temperature. The wind just circulated the heat from the black lava rocks. It felt like and oven!!!

I definitely made up some ground on the bike. Someone told me I was the 66th woman around mile 50. By the end of the bike, I was really starting to get worried about my chances of finishing the run.

Head down, powering through the course.

I rolled into T2 and saw that there was one bike from my age group already in transition. I passed a bunch of girls. At this point, I wasn’t even thinking about qualifying for worlds. In fact, all I could think was, “I don’t ever want to do an Ironman on this island!”

The last time I did a really hot race was 2 years ago – the Tinman Half Iron distance race in Tupper Lake, NY. I walked more than half of the run… My overall time was 6:22 (30 minutes slower than my first Half). I knew I had to come to Hawaii because there was such a good chance that I would crash and burn. I’ve done really well this season in smaller east coast races. I just think it’s way too easy to get a big head when you choose races that aren’t very competitive and where you know the weather conditions will be in your favor. I’d rather race in pouring rain or 35 degree weather than in the heat. I’d rather do a race that’s entirely uphill than race when it’s super hot out.

The run course took place entirely within the Mauna Lani Resort. In order to fit 13 miles into such a small area, the course had multiple turns and loops. We ran on grass along the golf course, on sand, and on hot asphalt next to fields of lava rock.

My stomach actually felt better during the run, but the heat prevented me from running faster than a 10 min per mile pace. I tried to keep a steady, slow jog going (I didn’t want a repeat of Tupper Lake—I have nightmares of the part of that race when I was literally crawling on the ground—while crying, of course. The Kona race packet did say that running, walking and crawling were all acceptable forms of locomotion. But really, who wants to crawl?). I walked every aid station and shoved handfuls of ice into the front and back of my sports bra and into the back of my shorts. I’m sure I looked totally ridiculous, running with ice in the back of my pants. Also, because I was totally soaked from all the water I was dumping over my head, my shorts kept getting air pockets in them… just to add to the hilarity of the situation. It was pathetic: barely running… soaking wet…ice bouncing around in my uniform… with huge bubbles of air in my pants.

So there I was, shuffling around this painful 13.1 mile course. Sometimes I’d pass really fit looking men who looked like they were going to collapse. But other times, I’d watch as these old women motored past me… there was nothing I could do about it. For most of the run I battled it out with a 61 year old woman (Who, by the way, was so tan her skin looked like leather. That means she trains in the heat… which means it’s ok that she ended up beating me, right?). Her system was to walk the steep golf course hills and walk the aid stations. I tried to do the same, but couldn’t keep up with her pace—I’m laughing out loud as I write this.

A 24 year old Japanese chick passed me around mile 3 on the run. At that point, I was in the race to finish. I’m not saying that I’d given up on trying to place in my age group, but I knew that if I started focusing on other competitors, I would completely break down. I just kept thinking to myself, “It’s a long race… anything can happen.”

A little before mile 5, I ran past a woman with whom I’d played cat and mouse on the bike. She looked really strong on the bike, but I guess the heat on the run did her in. She had collapsed and was foaming at the mouth. I don’t think she was fully conscious. A volunteer was trying to revive her and was frantically calling for the paramedics. There was nothing I could do, so I shuffled on.

The run was interesting to me because it seemed like how well people did had very little to do with fitness. The people who were successful in Hawaii were just good at racing in the heat. I saw some really fit looking people getting their asses kicked. My friend in the face mask—who can run a 7 min pace for 95 miles…or so he says—was a couple of miles behind me on the run.

At mile 6 I remember looking at my watch, which read 5:12. I joked to a guy running past me that in my last race, I was done 7 minutes ago! The absurdity of that thought made me feel better for a while.

Racers looked TERRIBLE! I saw very few people who looked like they were running at a normal pace. Everyone was soaking wet, and you could hear peoples’ shoes squishing up and down the course. At mile 8, I saw the girl who had entered T2 before me. She looked about as bad as I did… For the rest of the race, I tried to catch up to her, but she remained a half mile ahead until the finish. As it turns out, she ran 2 seconds per mile slower than I did on the run.

At every aid station I would ask for ice, cola and orange slices. I was unable to eat anything except the oranges. The RC Cola they provided was probably the only thing that gave me enough energy to finish the race. I would get desperate if the aid stations weren’t located every mile. After my ice melted, I could feel a significant change in my body. Between miles 8-10, I couldn’t get enough ice, and I had to walk for a few minutes. It got harder and harder to talk… I probably sounded like I was grunting when I asked for things at the aid stations. My skin was so hot I actually had goosebumps.

By mile 10, the pain in my body was so extreme I was just trying not to stop moving forward. Several people referred to the last three miles of the race as the “death march.” The last section was on an asphalt road, without any shade whatsoever. Miles 11-12 were mainly uphill. When I hit mile 11, I remember thinking to myself, “I wonder if I can run these last two miles in under 25 minutes…” I needed go faster than 25 minutes to break 6 hours. Mile 12-13 was the best mile of my race. I grabbed as much ice as I could at the final aid station and shoved it wherever it would fit.

I was able to run most of mile 13 at a pretty decent pace. These long races are really interesting, because your body and mind will go through so many changes. Sometimes there would be a 10 minute stretch where I felt like I could actually run, but 5 minutes later I was ready to quit the race and go back to my hotel. At the end, the race just became a mental challenge. I told myself the pain was ok. I tried to convince myself that I enjoyed it. I had to focus on getting from one aid station to the next. It didn’t matter how slow I was moving. It didn’t matter that this race was going to take me close to an hour longer than the race I did a month ago. It didn’t matter if I placed well in my age group. I just needed to cross the finish line.

I won’t say my finish was anti-climactic, but it was a little sad that there was no one waiting to greet me at the end of the race. I hobbled around for a bit, picked up my finisher’s shirt, and realized that I had no way back to my hotel. The Prince was right next to the swim start, but the finish line was at the Mauna Lani… The race directors did not provide any shuttle vans from the Mauna Lani to the swim start.

As I was walking back to T2 to pick up my bike, I ran into Michellie Jones, who placed second in the race. I had actually met her before, when she made an appearance at an all women’s triathlon in Illinois a few years ago. It was the summer after my freshman year of college. I have a photo of us after the race. I was chubby, sweaty, and pasty white. She, of course, is tall, thin and tan… Anyway, she’s a very nice person. She claimed that she remembers meeting me, though I highly doubt it. She asked me how I had avoided getting sunburned during the race. Aha!!! That was the only thing I did right during this race. I brought a tiny bottle of spray on sunscreen and reapplied every half hour on the bike. There were countless people walking around the post-race party with their race numbers burned into their skin. I’m definitely proud that I avoided getting burned… I get the funkiest sunburns most of the time.

I went to collect my bike and transition bags from T2—I still didn’t have a ride home. I asked a bunch of people along the way but no one could help me. My toes hurt like someone had smashed them with a hammer. I took off my shoes, to find that my feet were shriveled like disgusting, white prunes. I guess that’s what happens when you run 13 miles in wet shoes. My transition bags were so gross. My bike shoes smelled worse than ever. Everything was all wet and all of my food had melted. It was difficult to walk my bike with the two plastic bags full of race crap. People told me I should ride back to my hotel, but I would rather have slept on the sidewalk than gotten back on that thing.

I ended up calling a cab at the Mauna Lani. While I was waiting for the cab, I talked to a 22 year old kid who I’d seen walking on the run course. He told me his Ironman PR was 10 hours. Talk about a bad day… his Half Ironman time was well over 6 hours. He complained about getting passed by an old woman. Yeah, that was a little hard for me to take too.

The races that don’t go the way you want are almost more important than the races that go really well. I knew I was going to have a sloooooow time. It was hard to accept that the course was kicking my ass. But it is way too easy to just pick the safe races. I admit it—I got my ass kicked by a 61 year old woman. I was 3rd in my age group. I might have been able to beat both of the other girls if it hadn’t been so hot. But you know what? I don’t KNOW if I could have beaten them. I lost this race. I’m done making excuses. It’s ok not to have a great race every time. And it’s also ok to have a great race and still get beaten by someone in your age group. These statements may seem obvious, but I spent too many years stressing out about all of this. I ruined so many great races by fixating on the fact that someone beat my run split. I felt like no matter how good my performance was, if someone beat me who I didn’t think should have, I no longer felt that my performance was acceptable.

After my conversation with the 22 year old guy, my cab driver pulled up. I explained that I had no cash, no phone, and no way to get to my hotel. I thanked him for coming to get me and asked if he’d mind waiting while I ran (hobbled) to my hotel room. This cab driver was really interesting… Turned out he was from Brooklyn, but never considered himself to have found his “home” until he moved to the Big Island. He moved to Hawaii after his brother passed away a few years ago. He just married the woman of his dreams, and seemed to be living the most blissful life. He also leads tours around the island, and gave me some random facts while we drove home. It was fascinating to see how his life could change so dramatically in such a short time.

I only had a few hours between the race and the after party, so I took a bath (while eating potato chips) and tried to recover a little. The party was back at the Mauna Lani. I sat with a group of Navy and Air Force servicemen, and spent most of the time playing with an adorable little girl named Sarah.

I got an award for placing third in my age group and got to go up on stage. The Japanese chick won the race entirely on the run. Somehow she managed an 8:23 pace for the half. I was about 4 minutes behind the second place girl, who got an entry to Kona. I thought the Japanese girl would get an international spot at the Ironman World Championship, but I guess they didn’t have any in our age group. She took the only qualifying spot in our age group for 70.3 Worlds in Clearwater, Florida. Maybe I’ll qualify at Timberman.*

All in all, my weekend in Kona was incredible. I loved traveling alone because I learned a lot about myself—how I interact with people, how I handle stress and pressure, and how completely capable I am of taking care of myself.

Sunday, June 3, 2007

I woke up, went to brunch, and started packing my bike. I had three hours of actual vacation time before I had to leave… I felt empowered because I had to take care of all the details myself. I loaded my bike box into the car and drove to the airport. I was exhausted, but when there’s no one else to help you get everything taken care of, you just do it yourself. If I’d had friends with me, I probably would have asked them to take care of driving and carrying my bags! I had two minor meltdowns on the way back to NYC. I found myself crying in the Honolulu airport when I realized my flight was delayed (I had a 45 minute layover in Chicago, so I was going to miss my flight to NYC).

Monday, June 4, 2007

Though I missed my 6:00 flight, I was the last standby passenger to get on the 6:55 to LaGuardia. I had a middle seat at the very back of the aircraft. The doors shut as soon as I boarded. Unfortunately, there was very little room in the overhead compartments by the time I got on the plane. So, when I found my seat, an uppity male flight attendant was already starting to harass me about putting my backpack away so we could leave. He kept telling me to take my bag apart. At this point, I’d been traveling for 16 hours. I was dirty, hungry, tired and dehydrated. And this f*cking flight attendant asks me in front of the whole plane, “What don’t you understand about ‘start taking your bag apart?’” Needless to say, I completely broke down. I started bawling in the middle of the packed plane. A nice female flight attendant gave me a plastic bag to transfer some of my clothes.

While hyperventilating, I managed to say, “Please…tell…him…that…he…doesn’t…need…to…be…so…MEAN. He…just…shamed…me…in…front…of…the…whole…plane!!!”

And I cried my way to my seat. I sat with my award on my lap, because there was nowhere else to put it. I think the male flight attendant felt bad, because he avoided me for the rest of the trip. I just felt bad for the two guys I sat next to. I didn’t stop crying until after we took off.

Miraculously, my bike and wheels were waiting for me when we landed. It was 10:00AM and I’d been in-transit since noon the day before. I sped to my apartment in a cab, showered, changed, and was at my desk before 12.

I still can’t believe I made it through the weekend.

*Footnote: I did not qualify for 70.3 Worlds at Timberman. My finish time was 5:11:33 and I placed third in my age group. If a spot had rolled down, I was next in line to qualify.

I had reason to be afraid of competing in Ironman 70.3 Panama race. For four months, my training had been inconsistent at best, I was not accustomed to the heat, and I lacked mental focus and confidence. I had been struggling with a lack of motivation for what seemed like a very long time. Perhaps my years of racing had taken a toll on me. I feared that I would never regain the drive I once had.

I have been racing since I was 17. In 2008, I began racing as a guide for visually impaired athletes, which has become my passion. Over the past five years, I have mostly competed in triathlons as a guide. Though guiding is often more challenging than racing solo, at some point over the past few years I stopped feeling like the strong athlete I used to be. I know that I have created mental barriers, which cause me to doubt myself. However, my fears of failure and inadequacy seem very real to me.

In order to regain my sense of self, I know that I must train and race for myself, not just for the athletes whom I guide. Guiding will always be my number one priority in athletics, but I am doing a disservice to my athletes if I race when I am not functioning at my best, both physically and psychologically. Panama 70.3 would be the first Half Ironman triathlon that I would race solo in almost three years.

Though I registered in October, I did not fully commit to compete in Panama 70.3 until the week before race. After a conversation with a good friend I realized that I needed to complete this race in order to conquer my irrational fears.

Setting a personal record in Panama was out of the question. My goal was to avoid completely blowing up due to the heat and my lack of fitness. I knew I had to get to the starting line and smile for 70.3 miles, no matter the outcome.

The morning of the race, I felt surprisingly relaxed. I boarded the shuttle bus to transition with my mom and my new race buddy, Dana (whom I met 6 years ago at 70.3 Kona). Race setup was smooth, and Dana and I made our way to the pier where the race would start. I was thrilled to be walking along the Panama Canal. I knew that in a short time, I would swim in one of the Seven Wonders of the World. How could I not feel grateful for such an unbelievable experience?

A 30-minute delay in the race start time made me a bit anxious. In a race that was guaranteed to reach 90+ degrees Fahrenheit, every minute delay at the start meant another minute racing in the hottest part of the day. Despite the long wait, I enjoyed the company of my fellow racers.

What a positive, energetic group of people! There seemed to be dozens of photographers, perhaps in part due to the presence of the former Miss Panama, a strong triathlete in her own right. Women were dancing, laughing, smiling, and chatting with fellow competitors. One spunky triathlete said, “It’s simple: nadar, pedalear, correr…” She was right. It was simple. All we had to do was swim, pedal and run. Why did it seem so much more complicated than that?

All of a sudden, the wait was over. The announcer called the pro wave to the starting line. I could see the professional triathletes treading water between the buoys. In the background, huge cargo ships were sailing up the canal, making the swimmers seem incredibly small and fragile. When the pros went off, I knew that I only had minutes to prepare.

The women in the 18-35 age groups jumped into the water with 2 minutes to go and swam to the buoys. The water was cold, a pleasant surprise. I always prefer cold water to warm; there is nothing worse than exiting the water overheated.

The swim was a straight point-to-point course and there was plenty of room, so I didn’t have to throw any elbows (sometimes my high school water-polo-player self comes out in crowded swim starts). I swam conservatively and stuck to my own rhythm.

Before I knew it, I was making the left turn toward the stairs bringing the athletes out of the water and back to transition. With the current, my swim was relatively fast. I still finished middle of the pack, but my body felt good and I began to feel optimistic about the race.

Cycling is my favorite leg of a triathlon. I consider myself a cyclist. One reason I like guiding so much is that I can get on a tandem with a visually impaired athlete and ride a course without holding anything back. Confidence is critical. You have to respect your bike and the conditions of the road, but there is no better feeling than flying down a hill at 40 mph, passing jacked-looking men who are gripping their brakes…

Twenty kilometers into the race, I looked down at my rear tire and thought the pressure seemed a little low. I asked a guy who rode up next to me if it looked flat, but he said it seemed fine. I pressed on. I don’t mind being a mediocre swimmer because it’s really fun to catch people out on the bike course. And for a while, I seemed to be doing pretty well.

An hour into the race, however, the familiar feeling of my rim rolling against the pavement confirmed my earlier concern. My rear tire was flat. My first ever in a triathlon! Thankful that I had decided to pack a spare tire at the last minute, I pulled over and quickly removed and inspected the tire…. No glass or sharp objects. That meant I must have been riding with a very slow leak for a while. I don’t know how much time I lost riding with a deflating tire.

Crap! I had forgotten a CO2 cartridge. You can’t fly with CO2, so I didn’t put one in my bike box. I had to wait for the course mechanics. When they came by on their motorcycles, they helped change the tube and were preparing to pump it up when a second problem came to light. The stem on my tube wasn’t long enough. My Zipp 404s require either an 80mm stem or a valve extender. What a rookie mistake! I had assumed the tube I packed had the long stem….

Luckily, after searching through their gear, the mechanics produced a valve extender. What a relief to know that a minor equipment issue hadn’t meant the end my race!

While I waited for the mechanics to fix my flat, I watched dozens of athletes pass me. I was highly (in retrospect, overly!) motivated to catch everyone who passed me while I stood helpless on the side of the road.

I hopped back on my bike, motivated further by cheers from spectators on the roadside. For a while I was moving at a good pace, but the temperature was climbing.

I was able to drink water and finished a bottle of Perpetuem within the first 20 miles, but I couldn’t stomach much else. The discomfort from the heat, not having trained enough on my TT bike, and wearing an inadequately vented aero helmet were getting to me. I was passing competitors at regular intervals, but it was discouraging to see so many people heading back from the turnaround when I was still on my way out. With about 10 miles to go, I wanted nothing more than to stop my bike. With so much salt crusted on my shorts, I knew I was in trouble. I tried to enjoy the beautiful scenery, but I was unable to ignore the pain in my neck and shoulders and the suffocating heat. I focused on keeping a smile on my face, hoping that if I looked like I was enjoying myself, I might start to have fun.

After more than 3.5 hours on the bike course (my normal time is well below 2 hours 50 minutes), I reached transition. At this point, I felt so terrible I was hoping that an official or volunteer would physically remove me from the course…. Please tell me I’m severely dehydrated and need an IV! But I knew that unless I was actually putting my health at risk, I couldn’t quit.

But boy did I want to. I have never started a run feeling so defeated. After a few minutes on the course, I saw my friend Dana finishing her first loop. She looked so strong…. I felt so weak.

But I began my 13.1-mile trek, still hoping that someone would tell me I was too dehydrated to go on, but knowing that I could suffer through the rest of the race. After about 6 hours, I turned my watch off. There was no point in looking at the time any more. In my wildest imagination, I did not dream that a this race would take more than 6.5 hours, even on a TERRIBLE day*. It just goes to show that you can never predict what will happen during an endurance race like this.

On my second lap, I met an entertaining Brazilian lawyer named Edison. We both complained about the difficulty of the course and I mentioned how slow my time would be compared to my normal performances Edison said something that resonated with me: “This is your new PR- your perseverance record.” What a wonderful way to look at a race like this. It would have been so much easier to quit, but we all carried on. If I finished, this would be my new perseverance record.

There were no mile markers (which might have been a blessing)- only markers every 3-5k. I couldn’t focus on anything. I had no rhythm. I ran when I could, but every time I was out from under shade, I felt my body shut down.

At the start of my second loop, I saw my mom again. She asked if she should meet me at the finish. I said yes, knowing that it would be a long time before I saw her again. I felt short of breath and tried to fight back tears. I wasn’t crying because of how I felt. I was crying because I was thinking about now hard it had been for me to even bring myself to show up for this race.

I look a lot happier than I feel.

When I signed up in the fall, I did so with the hope that it would motivate me to get myself together, to start training and enjoy athletics again. Unfortunately, there was no race that could have pulled me out of my slump.

I was overwhelmed with a sense of gratitude. I was grateful to be out on the course, no matter how slowly I was moving forward, I was making forward progress. Lately I have felt like my life is moving in slow motion. Often, I have have even felt like I was moving backward, regressing to a state of helplessness while everyone around me was moving forward and bettering themselves.

I realized at that moment that I have not been moving backwards. Slow progress is still progress. My finishing time in this race was the least important aspect of the event.

I would like to say that this revelation filled me with energy, that I ran the last 6 miles feeling stronger than I had at any point in the race, but that’s not how it happened. I continued to walk, running on occasion… Letting the minutes and miles pass by, trying to reach the seemingly unattainable finish line.

But the finish line did come.

After 7 hours and 12 minutes of swimming, biking and run/walking, I crossed the line. Yes, my time was more than 2 hours slower than my PR of 5:05. Yes, I wanted to quit at least 5 times during the race. But I had finished. I even managed to smile almost the entire time, which is what I promised my friends I would do.

This was a new start. There may be more setbacks to come, and I may have to start over a hundred more times, but I will start over. Again and again… Until I have the momentum to continue forward and pick up speed along the way. *So the reader can better understand why it was hard for me to come to terms with racing a 7+ hour Half IM, I have put together a comparison of my times for Panama 70.3 versus the times from one of my best Half IM races. See below: