Posts Tagged body love

Hers is the derisive voice that is constantly telling you you’re fat and unattractive. You’ll never get a man. You don’t belong.

Most coaches counsel kicking your inner critic to the curb, dealing with her in the harshest terms and refusing to let her destroy your self-esteem and hold back your growth. But what if there was another, more powerful way to defuse the fear and anger that drives your inner critic?

What if you could actually make her your friend and champion? If a force that powerful could be turned to your aid, you would be unstoppable!

Here are a few tips for making it happen…

1. Know exactly what drives her

The source of nearly every criticism and cutting remark is fear. Once you know this, you can begin to see your inner critic as the vulnerable, frightened child she really is, not the monster you sometimes envision.

2. Approach her with curiosity (and let her talk)

A wise grandmother once said that fear creates two opportunities: you can Forget Everything And Run, or you can Face Everything and Rise. Try facing your inner critic with an open heart, a calm spirit, and an invitation to share what’s bothering her.

3. Look beneath the surface for the driving fears

Once the stream of negative commentary begins to ebb, take a careful look at what’s really at issue. Can you name her deepest, most naked fears? You don’t have to “fix” anything; the simple act of naming them is enough for now.

Is she afraid of being judged and found lacking?
Does she worry about being abandoned?
Is she afraid of success?
Is she expecting rejection?
Does she fear other people knowing she’s vulnerable?
Does she seem hungry for approval or attention?

4. Reassure her that you will always be there to take care of her

Your inner critic is the part of you that holds all the frightened, childlike parts of you; but you don’t have to “grow her up,” and you certainly shouldn’t try to make her disappear. Instead, let her know that you are confident that you can care for her, nurture her, and help her whenever she needs it. Be the loving friend she’s always wanted. Envelop her with acceptance and kindness.

5. Thank her for the work she does

Your inner critic’s job is to let you know whenever one of your dark shadows appears to be escaping from the mental closet where you keep them locked up. Why not thank her for being the watchdog, the ever-present companion who does an essential job for you?

6. Invite her to be your Inner Champion

An inner critic is an Inner Champion waiting to be born. Mentor her! Once she knows that you are grateful for her insights and eager to hear what she has to say, she just may begin to turn them into positive assistance rather than angry critique.

Reward her whenever you catch her reminding you of your value and capabilities. Hug her when she tells you the unvarnished truth in her most loving tone. Cheer for her when she promises you “you can do this, no matter what they say.” The two of you will make an incredible, unstoppable team!

Is there a special man in your life that you desire but don’t feel confident enough to go after? Check out Capture Him to learn how to become the girl that gets the guy.

Love,

Claire

About Claire:

Claire Casey blogs at Ask Claire Casey and devotes her writing to helping you attract the kind of man who will treasure and protect your heart like the rare and beautiful gem it is. You can take Claire’s Love Number Quiz (it’s free) and make this YOUR year for love!