Boulder

Steamboat Springs' critically acclaimed Pirate Theatre is taking
its band of merciless satire-makers down the mountains and into
Boulder, Colo., for a string of shows in the annual Boulder
International Fringe Festival.If you're the type of person confident enough to laugh at yourself, yet not above laughing at others, Pirate Theatre's new multimedia musical comedy, "Powder Haze," will be the funniest damn thing you've seen in a long time.

"Powder Haze: A Day in the Life at a Ski Town" is a multimedia
musical comedy featuring a cast of ski bums, including Snowman,
Rocky, Dude and Hardcore, as they work through the daily struggles
of ski mountain life. From living by powder reports to the constant
battle against tourists, those who have "real jobs," and redneck
law enforcement, nothing is off limits. And thanks to new medicinal
laws, the lifestyle really is a Powder Haze.

Of course, the crew is shocked and, frankly, scared to death,
when events force them to move to ... Boulder? Can they adapt? Will
they survive? Will they be forced to slackline? And will their
medical cards be transferrable?

This must-see show will be playing at the Dairy Performance
Space at 2590 Walnut St. Show times are Thursday, August 23, at
5:00 p.m. (a 2-for-1 performance); Friday, August 24, at 9:30 p.m.;
and Saturday, August 25, at 6:00...

Flatiron Farms, a certified organic collective that specializes
in providing eggs and chickens to Boulder restaurants and grocery
stores demanding "free-range" birds, was cited for several "animal
happiness" violations by People for the Ethical Treatment of
Chickens and their Right to Avoid Prisons (PETCRAP), a group of
Boulder vegans with no real power to monitor the farming of tasty
birds.A group of Boulder vegans plans to hold a candle-light vigil outside a local free-range chicken farm until "all of the majestic flightless birds held prisoner in these chicken-wing concentration camps are free to roam the Earth as they see fit." A local fox, upon hearing of the group's demands, said "yes, please, I'm quite hungry."

According to PETCRAP, the chickens at Flatirons Farms are living
under "forced enslavement" and are unable to choose if they'd like
to stay at the farm or go elsewhere, making it impossible to call
them "free-range chickens."

"These adorable, powerful birds can't just take off and leave,
as they have lost the ability to fly somewhere along the
evolutionary ladder," noted Barry N. Nutslonly, one of PETCRAPs
"Guardians of the Flock." "So they're stuck at this farm, living
their mundane lives, waiting to be executed, plucked, fried and
served to some...

Building on its law that prevents anyone from "camping" in city
parks and sidewalks overnight, which has forced many homeless
people to move to different locations with friendlier laws toward
them, Boulder City Council voted unanimously to make it illegal to
panhandle anywhere in city limits unless you can prove that you
don't really need the money.A longtime Pearl Street panhandler known as "Grizzle" (left) was recently ticketed for not having the required panhandling permit and forced to leave town. Brett Whiteman (right), a finance major at CU who blew this month's allowance on a kick-ass toga party, acquired the proper credentials by having wealthy parents back near Boston who fully paid for his college tuition.

"We want to stress that this new law, like the camping law,
doesn't single out homeless people," said Boulder Mayor Matt
Cherrybomb. "It singles out people who don't have any money, and if
that group is predominantly homeless, that's just a
coincidence."

The new law created a Panhandling Permit Board, which will
oversee who is allowed to panhandle on the lucrative Pearl Street
locations and surrounding streets. To obtain a legal permit,
prospective panhandlers must provide legal documentation showing
proof of, for example, timely mortgage payments, car
ownership...

Boulder's iconic natural-food grocer Alfalfie's announced that it will be sponsoring a new cycling team in this year's US of A Pro Cycling Challenge, which will include a stage on August 25th that's supposed to finish up Flagstaff Mountain it's not on fire at the time.Alfalfie's free-range cyclists' lives should be more acceptable to Boulderites than that of this champion cyclist from a team in Kazakhstan, which is known to cage its athletes.

And to promote the store's commitment to providing nothing but healthy, natural ingredients, the cyclists will be monitored 24/7 to make sure they aren't genetically modified or injected with any steroids or other performance enhancers.

"If we expect our cows to be 100 percent natural, we think it's paramount that we expect the same from our cyclists," said Sue Stainable, Alfalfie's vice president of marketing. "Not only will our team be certified organic and grass-fed, but we're only going to use local athletes, so precious resources aren't wasted in transporting our cyclists to the race."

Monitoring its cyclists will be difficult, as Alfalfie's will require drug testing that's 1,150 percent more stringent than what's currently used in all the major cycling events worldwide. In addition to logistical complications in such rigorous testing and monitoring, there may be other difficulties inherent in maintaining such a drug-free team.

"We're probably gonna suck," admitted Stainable. "In fact, we're almost definitely going to come in last. However, we will have the only cyclists in the event that Boulderites would eat, and we think that's what really counts."

In what legal scholars are calling a "bold move," the Boulder
City Council voted 7-2 on Monday evening to change the city's
municipal code so it will now refer to parents as the companions of
their children instead of guardians.

The change of parental classification from guardians to
companions of their children will have far-reaching consequences.
As part of the new ordinance, if parents refuse to give their
children money when asked by them, they can face up to six months
in the county jail and a $500 fine. This Boulder child no longer will be expected to "serve her parent masters" under the new Boulder law. Like she wasn't in charge already ...

Boulder City Council Member Tim Plass stated at Monday night's
meeting, "By passing this law, we are altering the master/servant
relationship between parents and children that has prevailed for
far too long in this community."

In response to Plass' comments, Randall Farkin, a Boulder parent
critical of the proposed change, stated, "Master/servant
relationship, are you on drugs? 99.8% percent of the children in
this community are already spoiled little shits, my own children
included. All you are doing is giving the inmates control over the
asylum. "

In response to such criticism, Susan Anders, president of
Defense of Children (CDA), an advocacy group based out of
San...