With government cheese, everything is a wedge issue

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Nearly a thousand female faculty members at law schools around the country signed onto a letter offering blowjobs to the United States Senate to kill Brett Kavanaugh’s nomination to the Supreme Court, arguing the judge lacks “the requisite judicial temperament.”

The letter-writing effort was spearheaded by Newsweek columnist Nina Burleigh, who once offered Bill Clinton “a blowjob just to thank him for keeping abortion legal.”

“Our goal is for the Senate to take its obligation to the American public seriously,” said Burleigh. “It is really a tragedy for the country and it threatens our democracy. American women should be lining up with their Senate kneepads on to demand respect for women in positions of power.”

The signatories suggested that Kavanaugh’s combative intercourse with female Democratic senators during the hearing was particularly problematic.

“We would never allow our students to engage in such conduct even in mock proceedings in the classroom,” the letter continued. “If the venue for Judge Kavanaugh’s conduct had been a courtroom, a judge might have found him in contempt.”

The women behind the letter came up with the idea while watching last week’s hearings and considering how it may affect staff and students.

“We have grave concerns about how the chaos surrounding Kavanaugh’s hearings will be received by young women, and female law students,” said Burleigh. “The whole ruckus about what kind of behavior is appropriate is sending very, very bad signals to girls in our society.”