This is what Charlie Sheen gets for asking his leased pussy peddlers to give him a speedball enema followed by a gerbil chaser. Charlie ended up on top of a hospital bed with “suffering from severe abdominal pains” written on his medical file. TMZ reports that at around 6:30 this morning, an ambulance was called to Charlie’s house. Sources say that the paramedics rolled Charlie out on a stretcher and two young ladies followed behind him. There was a towel covering part of Charlie’s face.

Neighbors say that they think Charlie was having a party at his house last night, because they heard a bunch of girls singing to the Red Hot Chili Peppers (Note from a doctor: RHCP karaoke will lead to severe internal pains) all night long.

Charlie’s rep confirms that he’s in the hospital now and his father and mother are with him. Another source tells TMZ that Charlie is waiting for test results to come back and they think “it’s serious.”

I swear, Charlie’s liver is wondering what it has done in a past life to deserve this kind of treatment. And Charlie already spends tens of thousands of dollars on call girls a week and now he’s going to have to cut a percentage of Denise Richards’ child support check in order to spend even more. I mean, CPR certified call girls don’t come cheap.

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