OT: Abortion

I††have a friend who i have known for about 3 years now. The same amount of time her and her SO have been together. Well, recently they hit a big rough patch, and one night i guess decided (literally) to see what would happen had they not used protection. Well 4 weeks later she is pregnant, and they are not together.

She called me yesterday to inform me of the situation and told me blatantly she wasnt keeping "it". My first reaction was to cry. I have always been pro-life (if some of you are not on here i would appreciate no comments from you, this post is not to debate, but to ask for advice).†and i guess now that i have†a lovely daughter of my own i feel more for every infant. anyways, i spent over an hour trying to talk her out of it. She say there is no way she can do this by herself, and she would only want to do this if she was with him (seriously?) Some of the other moms and moms to be i know have tried talking her out of it and it seems like no one can get through to her, and of course the father of the baby is either way. Any advice on what i can say to help change her mind? i mean i know it is ultimately her decision but i cant stand to know the she will do that, and i know how having an abortion affects a woman afterwards.. Please only kind words... Thanks..

Comments (184)

You're in a hard spot. She's your friend, right? It's dangerous in friendships to push someone to a decision. That situation rarely turns out well. Often, if you do that, you'll end up being blamed for whatever the final decision is. I am totally against abortion and I'm a single mom (wasn't my plan but there it is).

Invite her to visit with you and your LO. Remember the raging hormones that accompany pregnany? Especially the first trimester? I'm sure she's scared.

Pray, be patient and kind. If I were in your shoes, I'd share my opinion if I was asked and point out the available help and share any resources I know. I'd also refuse to partiicipate in the decision. I would probably let her know that it would break my heart if she chose abortion but ultimately, and unfortunately, it's her choice. My personal opinion (and I would not tell her this) is that the choice is supposed to happen BEFORE a pregnancy is possible.

And this is coming from someone who was told she'd never have kids following an aggressive chemotherapy treatment when I was 21..

Although I would hope she would consider adoption - what a great gift it is, and at one point I was sure I'd have to take this route.

Still, I could never make a life altering decision for someone else.¬† I could also never write off a friend for making a decision I didn't agree with.¬† If that were the case, I'd have probably no friends.¬† Half the time I don't agree with the small life complaints that my friends have, because I had cancer.¬† Twice.¬†My life would be "Oh¬†someone totaled your¬†car today, friend?¬† Awesome,¬†today is a winner for you¬†because you¬†didn't end up with cancer!"¬†I've ingested enough chemotherapy to kill a horse or to be the chemical equivalent of being hit by a semi truck on the expressway (comparisions out of my transplant teams mouth).¬†I've been told I would likely never¬†bear children.¬†STILL,¬†my friends¬†haven't been where I've been.¬† And I have to remember that I don't know either, what it's like¬†to have spent my life completely healthy and be¬†affected in the ways they are by things I might find petty.¬† I can't judge them for their feelings, it's not their fault they don't know what I do, and thank God for that. I feel kind of rambly but the moral is to be thankful you don't have to wear her heavy shoes.¬†¬†Realize that you have been softwired to feel the way you do by experience that your friend doesn't possess - understand that she can't understand how you feel anymore than you can understand how she does. Be happy that you are a woman confident enough in yourself that you'd never find yourself in a position to have to consider something so sad.

I think if you feel strongly about your friendship then you should be a supportive friend, even if you disagree with her decision.¬† If you can't do that then I agree with Warden.

I love how all of the pro-choicers ignore that pesky third option, aka adoption. I guess they know that their isn't a good argument against that.

^^ you still can't force a woman through 9 months of pregnancy and labor. And if every woman that had an abortion gave that child up for adoption, the system would crumble. There are simply not enough families adopting for that to be a valid option for every aborted baby. Not to mention that white healthy babies are in demand. What about the unhealthy and minority children? And how should she pay for all of it? We know better than anyone how expensive just getting the baby out is.

So there, I gave you four good arguments against it. But again, it's HER CHOICE. If she doesn't want to carry to term and put the baby up for adoption, she doesn't have to.

--

"...Robert Pattinson looks so gross, like he smells weird. I bet he digs in his ear then smells his finger." - WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot1

See this is my thing. I surround myself with people who have the same morals/beliefs as I do. Those are my bestfriends/family, people I can't live without in my life. Everyone else is disposable. If I felt the need to talk someone out of an abortion or doing¬†things that I don't believe in¬†etc, you are NOT my friend!¬† Call me a whatever you want for feeling that way.

I'm the type of person where as soon as you meet me, you know me 100%. I'm not going to agree with something that I don't believe in. You want to have an elective abortion? Fine it's your choice, not mine. Don't expect me to hold your hand through¬†it because I won't.

Sometimes the hard part about being there for someone is disagreeing with them and moving on. I don''t¬†want¬†the type of friend¬†to agree with me taking drugs because they are "my friend" and are "being there" for me; I'd want the friend to slap the shit out of me and shake me out of it.

I understand that having a baby is hard work and that comparing drug use and abortion is far fetched, but being true to yourself and beliefs comes before anything and that's my point.

Where are these posts screaming that she doesn't have choice? Everyone knows that we all have a choice so that is a moot point.

Most adoptive parents (if found before the baby is born) will pay for all prenatal care to help ensure the health of the baby. I've also never heard that statistic about the "preferred' race of the baby. The couples Ive known have always been willing to take any sex or race so I didn't know about that. And I hate to pull a chicken/egg scenario but I don't think their would be so many unwanted pregnancies if it wasn't so easy to get an abortion.