Pages

Thursday, February 7, 2013

So God Made a Writer

If you watched the Superbowl this last weekend (or even if you didn't) there's a commercial that's still being talked about, and that's the Dodge "God Made a Farmer" ad.

In short, it's a poem recited by Paul Harvey 35 years ago about God's creation of farmers, which is in direct relation to buying a Dodge truck. I'm assuming they're referring to the Book of Jesus H. Chrysler, Chapter 10, Verse 11, which says "Thou shalt buy a Hemi to tow thy load." Which, as we all know, is in the New New Testament.
Maybe it's because we're both city boys, but the two of us couldn't really relate to this commercial or this poem, so we wanted to make our own version. We give you...

"So God Made a Writer"And on the eighth day, God looked down and said, "Holy shit, Twilight? Fifty Shades of Grey? Seriously, this is the pinnacle of quality storytelling in the world? We need to do something about that, NOW." So God made a writer.

God said, "I need someone who's driven to do what they do by alcohol, who stares alcoholism boldly in the face and says 'not today, cirrhosis of the liver; I've got a chapter to wrap up'." So God made a writer.

God said, "I need someone to wake up in the middle of the night with a brilliant story idea and then quickly forget it, who will beat themselves up mercilessly trying to remember this truly amazing idea only to realize days later that it was actually a very stupid idea." So God made a writer.

*Because it's 16 inches and weighs 8.4 lbs

God said, "I need someone to write with pure grace and elegance, to pen a story with charisma, and yet be the complete opposite in public gatherings. Someone who is hard to talk to and socially retarded. Because I have a deep fondness for irony." So God made a writer.

God said "I need someone to breathe life into the written word, only to watch it die in an Internet chat room full of 13 year olds saying things like 'u r teh nOObs!' and 'lulz wht a fagit'!" So God made a writer.

And that's why God made a writer. And spellcheck. And rubber underpants.

55 comments:

I was completely enthralled with the "farmer" ad. It was beautifully shot & edited. Paul Harveys iconoclastic voice & words made it perfect. I didn't know where they were headed...at first. Az it continued, I guessed it would be a truck. I actually wrote a quick blog post on "Women of a Certain Age" in the midst of the game. Ad agencies counted on social media follow up.

What time is it? Half past beer.What does it mean? We need more beer, like we always do.

The super bowl commercials tend to go hella viral, but half pf the time they don't make much sense. Can't say I really understand this one, either. Sure farmers are cool folks and all, but what does that have to do with cars? ):

I know what you mean as far as Twilight and 50 Shades are concerned. Sometimes, I think writing about things like leather bound books having kinky sex on the shelves would get me further than actually trying to tell a real story.

"Someone who is hard to talk to and socially retarded." - soo true of me. Even worse, I think I navigate social environments rather well. This is my tragic flaw.

Guys...I think your parody might be more accurate and certainly funnier than the original. The problem with the farm commercial is, it was talking about farmers that died of old age and over-work in the 1960's. While my hubby and I aren't technically farmers, we own a farm. Today's farmers buy tractors that have computers in there, Sirius radios and climate control. Combines that plant 48 rows at a time and the computer figures out the seed count and the depth. Sure the thing costs $600K but they need to get that crop done and get down to Florida by Feb. 1st.

I am not saying that the farmer that farms our farm doesn't work hard, but if he worked as hard as that commercial implied, he'd be suing us for unfair working conditions.

I do think farmers are super sexy though and the really cool ones don't drive Ram trucks they drive Ford F250s.

If I had to type like that I'd go nuts, even more so haha. Too bad society, if you can call it that, laps up all the mind numbing crap by some silly sap. But always the way it is, as those 13 year olds think they are sooo cool.

I grew up on a working farm and so the poem really touched me. It takes a particular type of person to do the job and not be broken by it. I do wish they hadn't dishonored the words by using them to sell a product. Fuck heads.

You guys jest but you are some of the best writers I know and are bringing back writing to the level it was always supposed to be. As in, so much better than Twilight and Fifty Shades. More like fifty shades of ghey, amirite?

Bahahaha! That was great. Loved it. And I'm so guilty of having a note pad next to my bed, where I record all of those 3 am brilliant ideas. Only to read them the next morning and say to myself, WTF? This was SO awesome last night...

I hate finally remembering an idea only to realize it's crap. So I just write everything down now, and the crapiness usually jumps out right away.Those overly sincerely down-home 'Merica ads drive me up the wall!!

God made a lazy, depraved blogger. There were other bloggers who were all about self-promotion with content coming second. They had a thousand badges on their blog, joined every 20-50 year old blogging group, and followed more blogs than you can flog with a petrified pelican. So God created the lazy blogger with a penchant for hilarious satire with potty-humor leaning.God created the...oh shit, sorry, I have to vomit, I drank too much beer...

I think I'm...I'm...Oh no, here comes the crab dip...

Holy lord, please turn off the vomit spigot. It won't stop. I'm out of food...Oh no, not the omelet I had for breakfast...

God, please, please, don't make any more regurgitation. I'm all...I'm all o...I'm all out...No...Please...No...Oh God NO...

That's it, God. That was all bile. All stomach acid. No more, please. STOP MAKING GOD! STOP IT! NOOOOO....

I'm eating now. I'm eating so I'll have something to vomit. I've already set my bathroom aflame so I don't have to clean it. What hell hath God wrought? Thus is why I blog, in defiance of the...Oh no, here we go again...

[Voice over: "And the creature vomited for three more days. Without ceasing, without sleep. The vomit covered all the creature held dear until there was nothing left. Until the creature was forced to start over. God destroyed the person to recreate the blogger. Hey, how about driving a Chrysler?}

"I need someone to write with pure grace and elegance, to pen a story with charisma, and yet be the complete opposite in public gatherings. Someone who is hard to talk to and socially retarded. Because I have a deep fondness for irony."Oh my fucklord the pain you have caused! STOP! NO!DON'T REMIND ME!

Fantastic! I love the details in this post, i.e. it being Beer-Dark-30 in the bar, the Starbucks baby mug, which would have been lost on me without the footnote, etc. Great stuff as usual from your blog. When are the two of you going to get a medal for doing this?

The Dodge farmer ad did give everyone in the room with me a good laugh during the big game this year.

VERY funny. It's good to know that I'm not the only writer dependent on alcohol. Next time in Denver, I'll buy you guys a beer or two, maybe at the Rock Bottom, unless that's where only the tourist hang out, in which case, it's free beer, you shouldn't be so damn picky. SH*T, you frickin' superior writer types. Damn!

It's a shame that all the non-writers (*ahem Stephanie Meyer* **HACK HACK EL James**) are making so much damn money. I don't know when it became ok to reward imbeciles for making thousands of people stupider with their written word.

It could be the narcotics I've taken, but I don't get why this ad took so much heat. I thought for sure Beyonce saying that she like's to get some loving before performances that would be the talk of the interbut. Knowing she was probably up there on stage sloshing around Jay-z's little swimmers while she was dancing makes every part of that show more offensive.