Watching 'Bully': Reformed bully and onetime victim screen film together

Bill Brownstein, The Gazette04.18.2012

Ex-bully Hakeem Samu was moved to tears seeing the documentary Bully together in Montreal. Jesse Thompson, former victim, is also moved but dry-eyed. “I am all cried out”John Mahoney
/ The Gazette

Ex-bully Hakeem Samu and former victim Jesse Thompson met through workshops conducted by LOVE (Leave Out the Violence). They credit the Montreal-based group with opening their eyes and changing their lives.John Mahoney
/ The Gazette

Alex in Lee Hirsch's film Bully.Submitted photo
/ Alliance Films

Alex, a character in in Lee Hirsch's film Bully.Handout
/ Alliance Films

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MONTREAL - Two unlikely buddies have just caught the documentary Bully. One is a reformed ex-bully who had unloaded physically and mentally on weaker classmates for years. The other has spent much of his school-going years as the target of bullies.

Hakeem Samu has been moved to tears after seeing the doc, a harrowing, heartbreaking account of five American families whose lives have been turned upside down as a consequence of bullying. Samu, 19, is the former bully.

Jesse Thompson, 18, is equally moved by the film, but couldn’t bring himself to cry.

“I am all cried out,” says Thompson, trying to force a smile. “I have cried so much over the years about being bullied that I have reached a point where I can no longer. But what really blew me away was how much I could relate to everybody in the film.”

“I can usually keep my emotions in check,” says a subdued Samu. “But Bully is pretty powerful stuff. Even though I had an idea what to expect, it still left me shocked. And even though it takes place in the U.S., the situation is no different at all here. That I know for sure.”

Samu and Thompson met through workshops conducted by LOVE (Leave Out the Violence), the Montreal-based group founded in 1993 that seeks to educate and empower teenagers affected by bullying and all manner of abuse – from drugs to sex to eating disorders.

Both credit the organization for opening their eyes and changing their lives.

“Better late than never,” says Thompson, who is finishing his last year of high school and hopes to become a photographer. “When I was younger, I was unable to relate to the guys around me. I just got along better with girls. But as a result, the guys bullied me constantly.

“First, it was mostly mental abuse in elementary school. I would get called ‘fag,’ ‘pussy’ or ‘woman.’ Then in high school, it became physical. I was beaten up repeatedly. I would come home bruised and try to cover it up. But the black eyes I couldn’t cover up.”

No surprise, Thompson changed schools frequently as a result of inaction from teachers and administrators.

“I can’t express what kind of emotional toll this takes on those of us who are bullied,” he says with a shrug. “It left me so socially awkward and so isolated that I began to blame myself for my predicament.”

Though he is still occasionally taunted, Thompson claims he is much more together now, thanks to a strong new support group of friends, including Samu who hangs on to his friend’s every word.

Samu’s bullying days go back to elementary school. “It started out as just me acting out alone,” he says. “But then I somehow became the leader of a group of bullies. It’s like I had no feelings. It was a strange sense of power.”

But that all changed in high school. “I was physically bullying a girl and the panicked look on her face got to me. I had to step back and ask myself why I was doing this. It suddenly seemed so stupid and pointless that I just stopped from that point on.”

Curiously, Samu attributes his bullying roots much the way Thompson views his beginnings as a target. “I just couldn’t fit in,” says Samu, who attends Dawson College and hopes to become a psychologist. “I had nobody to relate to at all at school and I got no respect at home. It’s not difficult to understand. I became very angry and was always mad, so I took it out on weaker kids.”

Samu doesn’t disagree with the contention that “bullies have often been bullied at some point in their lives.”

Samu believes bullying could be curbed if adults, particularly school authorities, took more action. “But the standard response is: ‘We’ll see what we can do.’ Or, ‘Sorry.’ Well, sorry carries no weight after a while.”

Samu knows from what he speaks. He went to a school where a student was given a three-strike rule before being suspended. But he had accumulated 14 strikes – almost all relating to bullying. “And nothing ever happened to me at all. The system is basically broken.”

Thompson shakes his head. “There’s only so many times a bullied kid can hear parents and teachers say: ‘I’ll try.’ But nothing ever happens.

“The only thing that happened was me attempting suicide. I tried to hang myself two years ago. I remember looking directly through the noose and wondering what had happened to my life. How come I never experienced any happiness? I was so close, but something pulled me back.”

Thompson and Samu’s hearts go out to the families in Bully whose young sons couldn’t pull back.

“Bully should be seen by everybody,” Thompson says. “Even if it opens the mind of just one person to do what’s right and to take a stand on bullying, it will be a success.”

“I have seen a lot of films on bullying, but this one is a real eye-opener,” Samu says. “The others have lots of talk, but this one has graphic video evidence. It’s in your face.”

Some have suggested that Bully is exploitative. Samu doesn’t buy that. “No, it’s unfortunate, but people need to see tragedy to make them aware. Honestly, what I saw in the film was not exploitative. It was, sadly, everyday life I knew too well.”

While adults may be slow to respond, both feel bullying is exacerbated by film and TV violence. “Kids think they can only get respect by being tough, so they copy what they see,” Samu says.

“Humans have always been drawn to violence,” Thompson says. “It’s just a case of how we choose to react. That’s how bullying starts and that’s how bullying ends.

“Bully will make a lot of people who have never experienced being bullied cry. But for people like me, it makes us realize that we’re not alone, and that there might be some hope.”

For more information about LOVE (Leave Out Violence), call 514-938-0006 or go to leaveoutviolence.org

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Watching 'Bully': Reformed bully and onetime victim screen film together

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