THE SEX FILES: Welcome to Ava Durga’s Sissy Parlor

Ava Durga runs the www.thesissyparlor.com. It is a tasteful, slightly frilly one-bedroom condo where men get to “take off their tough man-cloak at the front door, and get welcomed in to a softer, more sensual alternative reality where they can live out fantasies that might be too risky to get elsewhere.” When it comes to indulging yourself in a specific way, you are not going to find a more welcoming, intelligent, sexy and most importantly, safe guide than Ms. Ava. This sweet woman opened the door to her parlor to give me the specifics of what she does and how she does it.

So, how did a nice girl like you…

I’ve always been open-minded and adventurous, but lived a fairly vanilla middle-class suburban life until my mid-40s, when I was hired as an office manager, think “dungeon den mother” for a large commercial dungeon in Fort Lauderdale. When I arrived for the interview, I saw two Mistresses chatting and having coffee and standing over a naked blonde man scrubbing the kitchen floor, and was hooked. The more I learned, the more I loved it. Though my role was to hire and manage the Mistresses and houseboys and to screen clients, not as a session Mistress, I took the same intensive training and participated in sessions upon request. There were quite a few of those requests, which felt marvelous because I was a lot older than the staff.

My favorite clients and houseboys were the sissies and cross-dressers. There’s something about gender bending that intrigued me even then, and I found most of them to be sweeter, more interesting, more playful, more self-aware, and more fun for me than the typical BDSM client. I also became their confidante, and the common themes I heard made my heart ache-and sometimes angry. Here were good, loyal men rejected by partners for expressing this simple and harmless desire, chronic fear of discovery, heaps of societal shame, worries about sexual orientation, and the buy-guilt-purge cycle.

In the years since then, my involvement in kink and human sexuality has waxed and waned due to other responsibilities and relationship dynamics. Around 2011 I launched a project called Creative Sexuality Education (www.creativesexuality.org), a website and online campus for sex educators to teach online classes. It’s dormant now because of resource limitations, but the opportunity to network and take classes and webinars with experts contributed a lot to my knowledge and professional development.

When my last relationship ended 4 years ago, I became free to develop as a dominant woman and discover what works for me. What I discovered was a natural affinity and talent for working with men en femme and those with gender-bending and bisexual fantasies. I decided to “go pro” after a long conversation at the Beyond Leather conference in Fort Lauderdale with Lady Q, the Headmistress of ClubFem Southeast Florida and a retired prodomme, Lady Q, who was nationally known for her work with sissies and crossdressers. She recognized my interests and aptitude, encouraged me to go into professional practice, and has since become a valued mentor, friend, and cheerleader for The Sissy Parlor.

For those folks who only know kink from Fifty Shades of Grey, what of what you do differs from the cliché kink world the layman imagines.

I’m not a leather domme or sadist, so don’t engage in some activities typically offered in dungeon-like environments: extreme pain or humiliation, blood, scat, spitting, complicated or extended bondage, branding, breath play, etc. I also don’t session naked, allow body worship above the knee, or do anything ending in “shower” or “job.” There’s nothing wrong with those activities, just not my style.

I cater to a specific niche and specialize in activities I really like: bi and femme fantasy fulfillment, cross-dressing, basic makeovers, domestic service and discipline, corporal punishment, sissy slut and sissy maid training, sensory exploration, and supportive female coaching and companionship. In addition to live sessions in Fort Lauderdale, I also work by phone and online.

And I also welcome foot worshipers because it feels soooo good, and littles, adult babies, and furries because they’re precious and fun.

Do you find the men that are coming to you are doing so to either indulge a fantasy or take a mental vacation from their straight, hetero lives?

All of my clients identify as straight or selectively bisexual. They’re generally professionally successful, mannerly, intelligent, often happily married family men, and mature, usually between 45–75; the nice guy next door. Most tell me they’ve fantasized about feminization or bi play throughout their lives and many have already experimented in secret. But I also get quite a few first-timers. Almost all say the desire is getting stronger as they mature.

It’s hard to parse out a difference between indulging a fantasy and a mental escape. Some just enjoy the tactile pleasures of wearing lingerie, some are turned on by seeing themselves as women (autogynephilia), some are exploring their own gender identity, some fantasize about sucking cock, some want to serve as a maid, some love feeling like a sexy, receptive, desirable woman or a wanton slut.

Walk us through the parlor.

Well, other than the swing and a lace-covered spanking bench, it doesn’t look at all like a dungeon. My living room contains a big fluffy rug that’s easy on the knees, a full-length mirror, my purple tuffet, and a closet that contains my personal collection of dildos and butt plugs (54 at last count). The wardrobe—lingerie, dresses, wigs, shoes, accessories, makeup—is in the bedroom. There’s a beautiful tea service set from my late friend Mistress Stormy Rose, and a full kitchen and dining area for domestic service training. Toys are hidden away: paddles, floggers, canes, electrical toys, and miscellaneous things for sensation play.

You’d also find lots of positive energy. When I don’t have appointments, friends and pets often come by to dress, hang out, chat, sometimes play… it’s a place where they can be themselves with like-minded people.

Can you take us through a ‘typical’ session?

Of course it varies based on the client, but I commonly start by dressing him in lingerie, applying makeup, adding a wig, shoes, and accessories, and then I walk him to the full-length mirror for the big reveal. When he opens his eyes and sees himself fully en femme, often for the first time, it’s exhilarating for us both. They’re usually mesmerized… run their hands over their body, feel the different shapes and textures, look into their own eyes and see a new aspect of themselves. I can feel their energy change; it’s hot to watch.

Some don’t want full feminization or makeup. Garters and stockings or silky panties alone may do the trick. Or sexy heels. Or a nightgown.

From there, lots of things can happen: fantasy fulfillment, sensation play or discipline, maid or slut training, girl talk, trying other outfits, etc. It depends on their goals for the experience.

I see lots of dommes claiming to do this kind of session, how does what you do differ?

In addition to the fact that I specialize in feminization and bi fantasy because I love it, I’ve been told that I have a calm, reassuring manner and an intuitive understanding of what clients need. Some find it hard to connect with Mistresses who are young, coarse, or intimidating, or who work in a place with a dungeon-ey vibe. I’m in my 50s and share many of the same life experiences my clients have; corporate career, family pressures, life transitions. To some, I represent a sexier, more playful, more accepting, more open-minded version of the women in their lives. And it’s obvious that I care. All these things put the men who come to see me at ease and believe produces a more realistic experience.

How do you find clients (or they you), you certainly can’t go advertising down at the local supermarket community billboard.

Most clients come from Eros, DickieVirgin, word of mouth, and organic web searches. A few have found me through FetLife and local CD and transgender contacts. My social media presence is still thin because my hands are full, plus I’m not sure of its potential ROI. Collecting lots of “likes” and retweets is good for the ego, but I’m not convinced they would translate into more local sessions with high-quality clients. I’m starting to do more by phone and online, though, which could be a different story.

If you want to contact Ms. Ava, do so here: Ms.Ava@safeoffice.com, ms.avadurga@gmail.com or go to the Sissy Parlor website.

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