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Every year, Feb 13, day before Valentine’s day I always tell people I stay up too late that next morning I don’t have the energy to celebrate Valentine’s day. Tonight is no exception.

I am a chef so I work most days with longer hour from 8-10hours. I rarely get the chance to celebrate occasions with family and friends. Valentine’s day for example. To most people, they go out and celebrate this day with their special someone. As for me, both my boyfriend and I are working. So we had to rain check whatever we want to do or plan. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t get special gifts. Because he is that surprising guy, while I was at work Last thursday, he dropped by my place and left me something. Yes I am not a typical roses girl. I like Sunflowers better. But I noticed he loves giving me this especially during winter days whenever sun is out. I keep on thanking him for these. This is the best flower arrangement he has given me. With that purple flower and pot. He said it should’ve had a letter but he did some scribble or something and ended up throwing it. He just used my sketch pad and left it beside it. The note is just timely.. haha. and the panda, well he gave that to me months ago. it’s our own thing. 🙂

Getting back to my late night Feb 13, Tonight I had to stay back til 11:30pm to help out people at work. We had a very busy night and knowing that I had to stay back, well I couldn’t do anything about it. Work is work. During past years, it was the same, I had to work or was doing project for during college.

When I was single, my family and I go out to dinner. Mom would always give me something as a Valentine’s gift. She loves giving her only daughter gifts. When I got into relationships, either I got work or he comes with me and my family out. I’ve never experienced a romantic date with my boyfriend not even a bouqet of flowers these pretty, not until my recent guy. Even if it is not Feb 14, whenever he gets a chance, he surprises me or plans something for us. I am very thankful and glad that he exerts much effort to plan. In return, I cook for him. Of course I am a chef. I want to serve him the best food he can taste. I leave him notes whenever I’m not around and sends him sweet text messages,etc.

Spending Feb 14 alone at home or at work isn’t bad because I am still happy to know that someone loves me and even not on Valentine’s day, we can celebrate love anytime we want. 🙂

It has been almost a week since I’ve been confused and out of myself. I’ve been thinking of too many things that I don’t know if there is a real problem. Talking to some of my friends made me more confused.

Back in college, I remembered picking up my first Paulo Coelho Book, BRIDA. Even though it’s expensive for me, it seemed that the book called me to pick it up the shelf. It’s ironic for me to buy this because I don’t know if I believe in Soul mates. Maybe that’s why I bought this, to know if I believe. To my surprise, I love the book (became a favorite) as well as the author.

Photo by Marc Mondelo

Remembering it’s story, I thought maybe I can find some answers here. I think Brida and I have the same situation. We are both searching for something. Searching for Love.

Anyway, I was too eager to read this so I finished it for almost a day (with breaks). As I turned the pages, it seemed that every learning of Brida is a learning for me. The answers that I needed were there. I was really enlightened with most passages there.

“…it isn’t true that you want to be alone”

I always tell myself that I need time alone, but the truth is, I need someone to talk to atleast.

“Is it possible to meet more than one Soul Mate..?

-Yes. And when that happens the heart is divided, and the result is pain and suffering.”

“We can also allow our Soul Mate to pass us by.”

I still don’t believe in Soul mates but there’s something that’s telling me that I’ve encountered another soul mate. I think he is really nearby. I can feel it, but I don’t know if he feels it. I’m like Brida. She has Lorens (boyfriend) but there’s Magus (her soul mate). Don’t get me wrong, I love my boyfriend and we’re happy, but there are things that you can’t control. If you’re in my situation, I think you’ll feel the same way as I did, Confused.

“…but what we see is not always what exists.”

As I mentioned, I just feel that he is one of my soul mates, but I don’t know if the feeling really exists. I just complicate things. 😛

“You have to take risks, follow some paths, and abandon others.”

‘Perhaps the times when “it” goes wrong are teaching you something.”

“She was confused about her own feelings. She was defending herself from something she couldn’t understand.”

“Always take the decisions you need to take, even you’re not sure you’re doing the right thing.”

There comes a time that even though you don’t understand a thing, you just have to deal with things and hope that it will work out for the best. 🙂

Choosing to read Brida again is a good call. I’ve been so paranoid and a little depressed because of confusion and Brida helped me figure out things.

BRIDA: 5 THUMBS UP (okay I’m Biased. 😛 )

One good thing that I realized is that there are people who can’t be replaced easily with someone new. 🙂