Happy Birthday, Chris Hemsworth, I Am Attracted To You Approximately All The Time

Happy birthday to Chris Hemsworth, who turns 29 today! Congratulations are also in order, as Chris is approximately the hottest thing I have ever seen. There are a lot of personality traits that earn people attractiveness points in my book, and Mr. Hemsworth is hitting a lot of them. Hard. He’s Australian, which is extraordinarily sexy to me, both because of the ruggedness and the accent. He’s also 6’4″, devastatingly handsome, and has a body so ridiculous that he was cast as a the title character in Thor. So he literally literally played a Norse god in a movie. With no retouching, as far as I know. (Oh my god, if he was retouched and I don’t know about it, please don’t tell me. There’s no need to crush my illusions like that.) He also has a family, so he’s committed and settled down, giving him another +10 attractive points, at least. He’s been married to wife Elsa Pataky since 2010, and the two had their first child, India Rose, earlier this year. As a side note, if ever you think that you can’t find Chris more attractive, please Google a picture of him holding his daughter and gazing at her fondly, and promptly pee yourself with cuteness.

Now before you check out this gallery of Chris personifying hotness, let’s also take a moment to be grateful for the fact that he’s not currently nor never will be married to Miley Cyrus. In the ongoing battle of hotness between Chris and Liam Hemsworth, that is the defining victory. And now I release you to click through these pictures and salivate freely at your computer for the next however many hours.