Hey, wondering where we went? No worries, we are just changing format and conducting some testing before we flip the switch. For now, you can get all of our new stuff by clicking here..We aren't quite ready to switch quite yet, but the end result will be a continuous flow of dark and often day-wrecking content from our regular authors as well as other members. It's a work in progress and we are still working on some design and function stuff, but the updated content is now coming through.

Back in 2007, 65-year-old Enrique Milla elected to have the implant placed to help with his erectile dysfunction. He wasn’t trying to make his dick bigger than it was when it worked, he just wanted the betraying bastard to work, period.

This particular procedure involves inflatable balloons inserted in the two tubes of the penis. A small pump and a reservoir of fluid are placed in the patient’s scrotum and connected to the balloons. Whenever an erection is desired, the person simply squeezes his third ball and the balloons are filled with the fluid.

Two weeks after having this procedure performed in a Florida hospital, Milla’s penis got infected and turned gangrene. Doctor’s had no choice but to amputate his penis in order to save his life. In 2009, Milla filed a malpractice lawsuit blaming his anesthesiologist, Dr. Laurentiu Boeru, and Dr. Paul Perito, the urologist who performed the surgery.…

Back in 2008, 52-year-old Randy Swopes employed a particularly crude home remedy on his 14-year-old son’s ass that ended with his son staying in the hospital for a spell and him getting charged with aggravated battery.

The boy suffers from Crohn’s Disease and at the time of the incident he was also suffering from a fistula. I’m guessing an anal fistula, which is not only a decent name for a death metal band, it is also very painful.

Instead of taking the boy to the hospital for treatment, Swopes went the ‘Tussin route and brought out some needle and thread that he used to sew his son’s butt shut.

Not surprisingly, this resulted in an infection that landed the boy in the hospital for a month and Swopes getting himself arrested.

Last Friday, Swopes represented himself in court and took an Alfred plea, the kind of plea where someone doesn’t have to plead guilty but admits that there is enough evidence to convict them.…

Washington, DC — After writing all the details regarding the woman who finger bangs 5-year-old girls, I searched for a bit of brain bleach and ran across a story about a man who took the law into his own hands after he found his stolen bicycle for sale on Craigslist.

Danny Lesh said that he purchased his Cannondale hybrid for $600 in 1998 and that it was stolen last week after he loaned it a friend. The friend secured the bike with a cable lock and thief relieved Lesh’s friend of his bike with a pair of bolt cutters. Shortly after, Lesh scoured Craigslist and found his bicycle for sale for $100. He identified his bike by a distinctive sticker and custom pedals.

He contacted police for help, but a stolen bike wasn’t on their list of priorities and they informed Lesh they would not be able to assist him right away. Fearing the bike would be quickly purchased at such a low selling price, Lesh hatched an elaborate plan to get his bike back.…

Here, Now — Thanks to everyone who showed up to Saturday night’s The Pulpit of Doom Drunkcast with myself and Athena. You can listen to it here. I thought it was one of our better ones, even when Athena got booted for a few moments and I was left floundering podcasting by myself — which I hate.

SALT LAKE CITY, UT – National Products Store might be the rock star of discount stores, because a Utah mom got way more than she bargained for when she purchased a box of tampons on April 29.

The woman, 39-year-old Cindy Davidson, went to the NPS on Sunday for Crest Whitestrips, but opted to also buy a box of Boots (a British brand) tampons “bcuz they were cheap,” according to her Facebook.

Upon opening the box, that appeared to not have been tampered with, Davidson found that the applicators were stuffed with rolled and taped cellophane containing a white powder, not cotton on a string.

“I thought it was anthrax or something, a terrorist attack, so I was nervous,” Davidson stated of her initial reaction.

Instead of calling police immediately, Davidson first phoned her sister. “I called my sister and said I was going to call the manufacturer the next day and she told me to call police,” she said.

After authorities were informed of the score, a hazardous materials team was dispatched to Davidson’s residence with the police.…

San Francisco, CA — It’s almost like the plot of a horror movie. A 25-year-old infectious disease worker left work Friday only to die the next day after being infected with the contagious bacteria he had been working with.

The man worked at the San Francisco Veterans Affairs Medical Center where, over the last few months, he had been working with a rare Neisseria meningitidis bacterial strain that causes septicemia and meningitis — both of which are nasty ways to go if left untreated.

Meningitis can lead to fever, headache, neck stiffness, coma and then death. By comparison, you would pray for this over septicemia, which is what investigators believe killed the man. Septicimia is inflammation of the bloodstream that causes bleeding into the skin and organs. A person unlucky enough to be afflicted with this blood poisoning can die very quickly from septic shock or ARDS.

Fellow employees described the man as competent and fully capable of handling the bacteria he was working with and the chief of the VA Hospital’s infectious diseases division said if the man had been working with the bacteria, he would have been wearing protective clothing from behind a protective safety cabinet or hood.…

For whatever reason, Samantha Schermanhorn and Kaylie George decided that they should work on their tan in the middle of a rural road. Unfortunately, they both fell asleep and did not hear the approaching car being driven by a 19-year-old who, just as unfortunately, did not see the two girls sleeping in the road.

The driver had just turned on the road the girls were sleeping on after having stopped at a stop sign. After he turned the girls into a pair of screaming speed bumps, 911 was called. They remained conscious throughout the ordeal and were able to explain what had happened and why they were in the road.

Both Schermanhorn and George were airlifted to the hospital suffering from lacerations to their ears, scalp and other areas. They were listed in fair condition and are both expected to be ok.…

SOUTH FORK CANYON, UT – Two men have been arrested after admitting to setting some potentially lethal booby traps along a popular hiking trail.

The traps were discovered on April 16th by U.S. Forest Officer James Schoeffler while investigating reports of suspicious activity along Big Springs Trail. He had been checking out a popular, makeshift dead-wood shelter when he found the first trap.

“As he investigated the shelter he noticed what appeared to be a trip wire near the ground at an entrance. Upon further investigation he discovered that the trip wire led to a booby trap device which was made with a large rock, sticks sharpened at both ends, and was held together with rope,” said a statement issued by the Utah County Sheriff’s Office.

If the wire had been tripped, the boulder was designed to swing at head height. Schoeffler, using his experience as a a bomb disposal technician, decided to check around for more traps.

A man working at the Redhook Ale Brewery was killed yesterday after a beer keg exploded, sending shrapnel into his head and chest. The worker was using compressed air to empty and clean kegs when the incident occurred.

“Something failed where it basically blew apart under the pressure and with such force that parts of the keg pushed into his chest and into his head,” said Asst. Fire Chief Steven Achilles.

Other employees discovered the unidentified man and called 911. Emergency workers arrived within a few minutes and found the man was weak and barely had a pulse before going into cardiac arrest. He was rushed to the hospital but would be pronounced dead later that day.

OSHA has started investigating and others are eager to hear the results as this cleaning practice is common, and a keg exploding in this manner is practically unheard of.…

SIOUX FALLS, SD – The genius pictured to your left is Dean Cochrun, 28, who is currently incarcerated in South Dakota on a kidnapping conviction. In his copious spare time behind bars, he has opted to sue the hospital that birthed his stupid ass 28 years ago. For what, you ask? Glad you did; for circumcising him, of course.

I’m sure that, given the topic of this story, there’s a whole cadre of tasteless jokes I could spout off about his name, but I feel I should leave that up to our comment mongers.

In the suit, Cochrun claims that he just realized he had been circumcised, and that the procedure robbed him of his “sexual prowess.” To provide further evidence of his vast intelligence, Cochrun, in his federal lawsuit, is requesting a whopping $1,000 in compensatory and punitive damages as well as a free operation to “restore” his foreskin and make him “feel whole again.” Personally, I think he might just want an excuse to have somebody touch his nether regions in a non-rapey way.…

Joseph Pointer, 51, briefly lived with Angela Speakman this month. Speakman believed he stole the remains of her sister after he moved out of the residence. Speakman’s sister died in a car accident in 2008 and she shared her sister’s remains with their parents.

Speakman’s mother says that Pointer drove by her home one day last week shouting, “I’ve got your dead daughter’s ashes and I’m going to snort them.”

Pointer may not have gotten around to snorting the deceased woman’s ashes but he was eventually arrested and charged with grand theft. He remains behind bars on $1, 000 bail.

Not surprisingly, this wouldn’t be the first story we have reported on here involving someone in Florida snorting someone’s remains. Last year, a teenager broke into a home and snorted the remains of the owner’s deceased father AND two Great Danes thinking the ashes were cocaine.…

Chicago, IL – A notice posted in a “Missed Connections” section of Craigslist last week purportedly seeks a man the poster had sex with at a Megadeth concert with the woman stating that she is now pregnant. Wait… That doesn’t sound like a missed connection to me!

Gigantour 2012 brought Megadeth, Motorhead, Volbeat, and Lacuna Coil to the Chicago area on February 10. In a post entitled, “Did we hook up at the Megadeth/Motorhead concert?,” someone claiming to be a 28-year-old woman recently posted a message on Craigslist looking for the man she had sex with in a bathroom of Chicago’s Aragon Ballroom.