How is the transition from shy, retiring,
damned-if-i-let-you-touch-me virgin to adult
sexual human being supposed to go?
Speaking for the both of us who picked
catholic morality.
If it makes any difference I'm middle-aged
already and still can't figger it out.

From what I've figured out, that transition is supposed to take place in a large elaborate ceremony, involving frilly dresses, legal proceedings, a Mass, and ending with a big party. I've been to a few. Such a transition is truly a big deal.

...these things involve consent, and
how's a good Catholic girl supposed to
recognize that in herself when she sees it?Why not?

easy (none / 0) (#5)

by Anonymous Reader on Mon Nov 26th, 2001 at 01:47:54 PM PST

it happens about the time when your feelings for someone else become selfless, when you love without demanding love in return, when it doesnt matter if the person in your bed is redhead with a fabulous figure or an Afghan girl with a smudged face and amputated leg.

Please don't conflate Catholicism with Christianity. One is a set of cultural practices based upon a religion; the other one is a religion. The Christian religion is a philosophical idea, and in no way binds you to frigid virginity. The idea that a spouse should enter the marriage a virgin is itself commendable, but Catholic practice tends to make sex dirty in general, from what I hear; thus, the well-known whore/saint split in the mentality of the archetypical "good Catholic girl."

Christianity, as a philosophy, does not make decisions of policy. Catholicism, as a politico-religious institution existing in the world, must. It is our bad luck that, in attempting to prevent extramarital sex through institutional coercion, the Catholic church has instituted a few new perversions - such as the well known cult of frigid virginity.

But I'm drifting from the point. The distinction between Christian ideology and Catholic practice must be made, because Catholicism (while a movement rooted in Christianity) must perforce attach itself to questions of policy and conformity. Thus, attacking Christianity in the name of the frigid virginity taught by some (degenerate) forms of Catholicism is to attack it for its connection with something with which it is in no way responsible.

Indeed, I find Catholic thought on things like
physical vs. spiritual life interesting and
refreshing (unlike the stereotype "Catholic
School" image). But somehow in the voluminous
pile of writings on the general subject, I've
yet to find myself: Christian, middle-aged,
celibate (all more or less independent facts
of life), and wondering what's missing in my
personality. Oh, and, of course,
writer of fantasy smut.

Fuck, why don't you just compare me to the unholy spawn of Charles Manson and Tonya Harding while you're at it?

Jerk.

Clarification (none / 0) (#10)

by Anonymous Reader on Tue Nov 27th, 2001 at 01:18:39 AM PST

Note that my revulsion in the above message is a result of my having been compared to Matt Groening, and not having at been mistaken for osm, who, thanks to his having shared this with the rest of us, I esteem higher than the guy who refills my nitrous oxide tank.

I, too, would hide my identity if I were reduced to imitating Groening, and then further reduced to goatse.cx linking when caught.

This is Adequacy. The run-of-the-mill shitting dicknipple linkage that knocks over easy prey in theamateurleagues just doesn't cut it at this premiere world-net address.

If you want to fling effective invective around here, you're going to have to do it the old fashioned way; determine my psychological wounds and weaknesses, and then exploit them in a campaign of original, lucid, and devastating insults.

Incidentally, it might help you to learn how to use words like "esteem" gracefully, while you're at it. Facility with language is valued here, in marked contrast to the cavalier, ignorant attitude promulgated at other sites.

How is the transition from shy, retiring, damned-if-i-let-you-touch-me virgin to adult sexual human being supposed to go? Speaking for the both of us who picked catholic morality. If it makes any difference I'm middle-aged already and still can't figger it out.

Generally, you meet a guy, through your parish, or pehaps on the internet, and decide that you enjoy his company, and also a part of you feels physically attracted to him. This is scary, because said guy may not have reciprocal feelings, but like diving off the high diving board, you just have to do it, express your interest. Remember, faint heart ne'er won fair man.

If the interest is returned, you proceed to displays of physical affection, then engagement, then posting banns, then getting married, then sex. If the interest is not returned, it's back to square one, looking for another compatible guy.

All in all, a very daunting task, opening up oneself to damage one's self esteem, particularly after being rejected deeper and deeper into the cycle, as increasing physical intimacy leads to increasing emotional intimacy, and repeated failed relationships can lead to damaged emotional growth.

So, no magic bullet, just lots of potential for hurt, but the rewards are great.

A. Rightmann

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