Sunday, November 30, 2008

I prefer not to make empty talks, trivial conversation...it makes me feel like a fraud...a hypocrite...pretending that I am concerned, when I barely know the person...

I love crowds in a concert, but hate crowds in the night-market...an irony, I know...

I'm an acrophobic - an irrational fear of heights...I can't look down from a tall building, or enter a lift (that provides a marvelous view of the city) without feeling nervous...

Yet I don't feel any motion sickness boarding a plane...

I have always wanted to go to the Genting Theme Park when I was a child...

My wish to play in the theme park came through when my dad had to attend a meeting in Genting...

My dad paid for the tickets for me, mum and my two siblings...it was bombshell for my dad at that time...but we didn't participate much...(long queues, didn't want to go alone, mum didn't want to come with me, siblings need taken care of, and many other factors)...dad was upset...

I always felt guilty about that...

When my college had permission/license to upgrade themselves from a University College to a University (these British systems), they changed their name from UCSI (University College of Sedaya International) to UCSIU (Unwavering Commitment to Serve Intentionally University)...

My intestines and colons auto-knot themselves every time I am reminded of that...

My degree certificate will be carrying the name :...I hereby certify Lessajinomoto has completed, blah, blah, blah..."...and signed " Unwavering Commitment to Serve Intentionally University (UCSIU)"...

If that does happen, I will hang myself....with shame...man, what a mouthful of name...

Raw eggs gross me out...

So does a nest full of cockroaches...

I can play the piano and violin...

But I've still a long way to learn...painful finger exercises to endure...

My Cantonese is "half a cup full"

So is my Hokkien (a Chinese dialect), which is supposedly my mother-tongue...

My English can be considered reasonably okay...both Westerners and Chinese alike understand me well...

My Mandarin is painfully "whole cup empty" if there is such a word...I can barely string a sentences, without my mum snorting water through her nose...laughing...HARD...

I think there should be a special place in hell for animal abusers, and child rapist...

I love having chunky peanut butter as a whole...bread-free...just me dipping the spoon into that piece of beauty, and licking it off like ice-cream...

I would never call an unmade bed, or a slight creative chaos in my room...a state of national emergency...

I can drink...wine especially...but never really had the guts to go full blown pissed drunk...even back at home...

I would want to rule the world for a while...

If I were a world ruler, I would take a shot-gun, blow off the heads of every single Samy Vellu(s) and Syed Hamid(s) in this world...and happily toss their bodies overboard...the world would be a happier place without them...

I don't get angry easily...I only save it for times when I have reached the end of my patience...and God knows there is no turning back...

But when I do...be somewhere else...

I can still be short tempered at times...but I am never bad tempered...

I pity people who has life too easy...I wish for hardship on people, not to make their life a living hell...but so that their life would hold more meaning...and there is self-respect found in the process...

I don't agonize over mis-understandings in friendships...

I believe mis-understandings just make us understand each other more...

I am not much of a looker...I gain and lose weight easily...

I am OK with that...

I never smoked a ciggie nor pot...

I don't intend to do so...ever...

I always believed that scoring a B- or C for my final term subjects does not make me a sore loser...Bad attitude when scoring an A does...

But I have to keep telling myself that...

I love Bargain shops...but I'd hate to bargain a price with dealers...

I drive a Toyota Corona 1.6...he is older than me by two years...

I find the guitar and violin femininely sexy...

As for the piano, I find him upright and macho with firm abs to show...and square...

I don't know much computers, but I am no bimbo...

I am no rocker either, but I don't mind listening to Metallica the whole night through...

Being a girl, I don't see whats the big deal with Formula One racing and England Premier League...

But I will happily watch Top Gear (car show) and join the crazy nuters to watch the World Cup Final. live...no matter how late they may be...I never claim to understand what the tv announcer talks about...

I never voted in my country before...

I am not proud of that...

I didn't vote for Abdullah or Najib...

I am proud of that...

Most embarassing movies of all time...Antoo Fighters (2008), if translated, is just merely a lame version of Malay ghost fighters...and Cicakman (2006), also known as Lizard Man...trust the local production house to come out with such an UN-Marvel like name...lizard, of all things...a house-hold pest...

Talking about house-hold, mum thought of ways to get me to love doing house hold chores...even to the point of suggesting to her friend to pay me some wages to clean her house...

That failed MISERABLY...

I love to cook...my mum doesn't believe that and I don't blame her...I always ran/found excuses when she asked me to help her around the kitchen...what she doesn't know is I prefer to cook...explore, I would call it...alone...save me the nagging...

I hate formalities/protocals of any kind...be it for culture, family, or work...

I wear a 3 and 1/2 size shoe...

To date, I hold 3 visible scars and 5 not so visible scars...all thanks to a clumsy childhood...

Unlike normal gals, I only own 3 pair of shoes so far; 2 silhouettes and a sports shoe...excluding sandals, of course...

I am proud owner of 4 handphones...but only 2 works...others just help me take up space...

I love rum and whiskey...

I thought Johnny Walker was a macho man, until a friend of mine burst my fantasy bubble 2 years ago...

When friends mention XO, I always mistaken it as "ass-hole"...and they laugh at me...

I thought Maybelline was a friend of my friends...until they gave me THAT look...it was a make-up brand...

My pet peeves are endless...I shall not waste time listing them here...just check out my post...

I dance with 2 left feet...fridge style...completely stiff...

I've never been to a prom or any official school functions before...

But to be honest, I don't feel I've missed out on any of those things...

My idea of a good time, is a few of my loved ones/friends in a beach, each holding a cup of pina coloda and just talking the night away...

I love watching Johnny Depp and Edward Norton movies...but I don't think they are that attractive...

I just wish they would explore more personalities instead of different characters but of same personalities : Depp, funny and quirky; Edward Norton, intelligent with duo personalities...

I don't call myself a sexist...but I absolutely detest guys who thinks gals should be seen and not heard...therefore need not be knowledgeable...a gal who loves reading, doesn't make her a threat to your already dim-wit mind, you morons...

Did I say 'detest??...I meant to say 'hate'...

As a new-born baby, my dad welcomed me home with the biggest car one could possibly find...a lorry...

Dad placed me on the passenger seat, and he had to hold me, just in case I fell over...

Record time for longest meal; 3 and 1/2 hours when I was about 4 years old...I fell asleep on the sofa, with half-chewed food still in my mouth...

I still take my own sweet time to eat; so my friends complain...old habits die hard...

My childhood friend was a gal, who was with me everywhere I went...she disappeared when I found my real childhood friend at age 10...she still drops by occasionally...especially when I feel low or down...introducing...Marcy, a figment of my imagination...

I keep an account book that records every single penny I receive/spent every single day...even till now...

Many people finds that weird...

I find it weird too...it doesn't go along with my compulsive personality...but money runs out of my pocket faster than I can remember...so it helps to keep a record...

Believe it or not, I was once an extrovert...

Now, I am completely a hermit crab...almost reclusive, except during book sales and get-togethers...

I've learn the hard way, that there are times you've got to be cruel, to be kind...

It has been a while, since I've last taken slow-paced walking steps...observed the drama around me for a while...sat down to gather my thoughts, etc...I'd never thought I'd be swallowed whole, by the demands of my work...constantly worrying and being kept awake by the countless calls and decisions that I've yet to make...

Living the fast paced life...it just hit me, that despite all my complaints about how life is sometimes being unfair...I realized that I actually do have quite a good one...blessings I've yet to count; a roof over my head, electricity and air-con at my expense, a car to drive (as old as it may be...its a manual...but I LOVE manual cars...)...a music degree...and best of all...no ARRANGED MARRIAGES!!!...

Besides, I realized that we live in a completely fool-proof world...Instant everything... Just a while ago, out of curiosity, I decided to google up the word "INSTANT", just so to see what kind of instant stuffs we have...and believe it or not...I just realized that there is such a thing as Instant Blogging!!...

Yea, no kidding...now, keeping a blog no longer requires brain-juices nor any effort to share!!...In that link, you can instantly generate another blog post, until you find one that satisfies you...following that, you just copy and paste!!!...no copyrights, whatsoever!!!...start a blog without breakin' a sweat...

I mean, how much more lazier can we homo sapiens be???...we invent cars that winds down windows for us, starts the engine, auto-switching gears (man, I can go on and on with this...)...its idiot proof too...completed with air-bags, auto-lock systems, electronic stability controls, tire-pressure monitors for the dummies...take all these technologies away, and our death rates will go up by a 200%....and that is probably an under-estimation...

Instant noodles, instant photo-printing, fast food, instant cash withdrawals...I'd be honest with you...without these unhealthy yet "good" technology, I would not have survived this long...imagine a world without microwaves, I'd be forced to learn how to cook...I'd be doomed to spend eternity in the kitchen, churning butter and ice-creams...wringing my blessed hands sore...chair with rollers, so you save yourself the trouble of walking 3 steps forward and back...damn it, you don't even have to be a whiz kid to handle a camera!!!...completely moron-proof, it even has a blardy hand stabilizer for the sorry unstabilized hands!!...

Many things that required skills before, are now enjoyed by many...to a certain extend, I feel the somehow, in exchange for technology, the art is lost...there holds no more value, in culinary skills...driving...photography... Well, I can't complaint, can I?...I am very much a butter finger myself when it comes to photography...I cheat a lot, and the photos you see in my photo collection are most probably touch-ups, ah...thanks to Photoshop Adobe...

I no longer remember how to write an official letter by pen...all the formalities that needed my attention...business languages...heck, even my spelling has gone awry!!!...unlike years before, where I was forced to look up the Oxford Dictionary, Blogspot automatically highlights your spelling mistakes...and grammar too!!!...writing now, has never been easier...

Yup, its an instant world alright...I can imagine, 100 years down the line...we will all be fat obese people, with a travelling space-chair...no longer remembering how it feels, to walk...dance...or even run across green meadows...wait a minute...I am not sure if there will even be a meadow...probably a concrete one...with 3D LCD screen with pictures of it!!!....

Sometimes I wish things weren't so instant after all...then I'm sure we will appreciate every ounce of effort we have to give...we wouldn't take things for granted then...

Monday, November 10, 2008

Some say that dreams is a way your subconscious communicates with your conscious...as far as science is concern, dreams are sequencial images associated with REM (Rapid Eye Movement)...there are even those who believe that some dreams are sometimes prophetic...as Joseph of the Bible's dream was...

I highly doubt mine is...

Yesterday, I dreamt...my grandfather was gravely ill...and my dad was desperately trying to find ways to finance my grand-dad's medical fees...for some reason, we were in church then...and we received news...that my grandma had passed away on the operating table...apparently, she had chest pains and have admitted herself to the hospital...without informing any of us...

In that dream...I realized that despite all my frustration and my rants about her...I felt a deep regret that she had to pass on with no one by her side...

That was when I woke up...

Somehow I can't get my mind of that dream...and it keeps coming back to haunt me...not because I felt it was a bad omen in anyway...but it is because of the conflicting dilemma that is before me...

I have kept a safe distance between me and my grandma for quite sometime now...so that I do not find myself unknowingly trapped in her ever intertwining cob-webs...and yet, at the very same time...I feel guilty as it gives me no pleasure to do so...

Yet I know, upon inviting her into my life again, is just going to be a mere repetition of frustrations and manipulation...

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Many of my friends say that they do not recall, what they had dreamt the night before...some have even strangely insisted that they do not dream...one of my friends dream in black and white, colour blind, I suppose...I am not sure...

But I, on the other hand, have been able to recall my dreams ever since I could remember...heck, I even remember a dream, I had I was a kid!!!...I was about 6 or 7 years old, I think...

This was my dream then...( I still remember every single detail of it...)

I was walking down a lane, which led me to a cross-road...to my right, the lane was wide and inviting...it led to a nice, gigantic, brightly lit house...I noticed that many couples were walking too...heading towards that mansion...The women were dressed in a Victorian theme...very much elaborated pomegranate patterns and long tight sleeves...and the guys wearing the satin doublet and short cape...really Baroque-ish kind...

On to my left, though...was a very tight and narrow lane...so narrow, that the few people that were crossing it, had to balance, as if on a tightrope...that lane wasn't as brightly lit...and seemed quiet...

I walked to the mansion, all curious about what all the fuss was about...I wasn't permitted entry, so I could only look in, through the windows...and there was music, and people dancing...drinking and merry-making...

But somehow a sense of uneasiness crept inside me, and into my bones...there was something eerie about it, but yet I could not put my finger on it...I looked up to the ceiling inside...big florescent light bulbs hanging there...when suddenly, I noticed that there was something dirt-like that was inside those glass bulbs shifting ever so slightly...I can't explain how I knew...but I knew in my heart that those were some mega eye-balls observing the people dancing below...and I desperately tried to stop the people from entering the mansion...

Obviously, I failed...they ignored me, thinking I was some kid with disillusions...or unclear state of mind...there were screams behind me following that...and a state of darkness...I looked behind and realized that the mansion has changed into a red dragon (have been reading too many fairy-tales, I think)...people tried to run, but they were all gobbed up by that gigantic dragon...and as for those who were already in the "mansion"...were beyond rescue...I was left alone...

For one reason or another, the dragon did not devour me as I would have expected...I headed for the narrow road...the dragon following behind closely...trying to blow me off the road...(there wasn't any grass or whatsoever...don't ask me why...I can't make logic of my dreams at times...actually, all the time!!)...

Then I woke up....

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------15 years and more now...and I am still wondering what is the significance of it all...that led me to remember this specific dream so clearly...hmmmmmmm

Okay...first of all, my mum ain't gonna like this if she finds out...so lets hope she doesn't visit my blog no more...secondly, for those of you who knows my mum, do me a favour and zip it up, will ya...thanks...no rewards, though...*grin*...

I just lost (for the moment) RM1.6k...which is a lot of money, especially for a person like me, who earns just enough wages to cover her monthly expenses (piano and violin lessons, food, petrol, etc)...

No, it wasn't robbery, though it is pretty rampant these days...it wasn't scams either...

You see, I usually do my students a favour, by helping them purchase instruments or whatever they need for their lessons. One can't get much discount buying books, but we music teachers do get a special discount when it comes to purchasing music instruments...especially when dealing with the instrument dealer themselves, and not through any franchisee....

All my students who have purchased music instruments through me, have been quite disciplined so far...they know my financial situation, and are good to their words...some paying me the full sum by cash (yea, I get really scared knowing that I am holding a couple of thousand Ringgit CASH in my handbag), some by cheque...well, mostly cash...

Naively, I never asked them to pay a deposit (which I should have, of course), as they seemed really serious about the purchase...besides, all of them gave me no trouble and was prompt in closing the deal...

Until now...

One of my adult students have been expressing interest in purchasing a keyboard with a budget of RM1.5k-2k...she needed it anyway, since she does not own a piano, but is taking up pop piano lessons with me...so she asked me to look for one...which I told her I will...she even offered to put a down payment (which I should have taken, but being the idiot that I was...didn't)...

I placed an order for the Casio keyboard that matches her needs...got it at RM1.6k when the market price was RM1.9...the keyboard arrived in a couple of days, and I send her a message to inform her so...she replied that she wanted to see it, but wouldn't be able for the coming 3 weeks since she had to attend a training, yadaa, yadaa, yadaa...so I said, that she could do so once she comes back...

I hate it, when at this point when I am doing people a favour, I still have to constantly follow up on them, like a naggy grandmother...

3 weeks passed and still no news...I messaged her again, quite irritated this time...and freaked out, upon reading her reply..."I need to do some research first."...what blardy research?...why didn't you tell me in the first place?...why tell me now?...why don't you just not tell me at all??...

And finally, 3 days after..."I think I would prefer a digital piano. Can you please help me look out for one?"...

I gave her a good piece of my pewny mind...and insisted that she would in the least help me find a buyer...I got three "sorry(s)" from her...and a dial tone...never heard from her since...not even attended my class...till now...that was 2 weeks ago...

So now, I am stuck with a new keyboard, with no one to sell to at the moment, as I have got no new students to introduce it to, I can't tell my boss as I'll be fired for not helping them sell the company's instrument (which by the way, is much more expensive...and whats more, no commission for me)...all my music friends either have got a keyboard of their own...or need a keyboard that has more functions that the model that I am holding...

Yes, if you're asking...I definitely have learnt my lesson...though I do wish that it didn't have to happen now...all the money that I have saved for my trip to Aussie...just evaporated!!!...damn it!!...

Friday, November 7, 2008

I think its no big news to anyone, that USA has been suffering one of its worst economic downturn since the time of Depression back in 1929. While our Malaysia politicians can tell us otherwise, that we are not all that badly affect, yadaa, yadaa, yadaa...even I, an ignorant fool that is completely clueless about stock markets and wat nots...knows that as long as we depend on international trade which deals in US Dollars, we will definitely not be spared from the effects of this economic tsunami...that's for sure...

One would have thought that with USA slipping into recession, Singapore too...our politicians would have buckled up and unite for once, to evaluate the current market, and how to ride through this storm...but NNNOOOooooooo...our politicians still have the energy to call each other 'bastards' live on telly...and fighting for the UMNO president and vice president post...squabbling about 30% Malay bumiputra special rights under the New Economic Policy...and multi-lingual road-signs...

Yea, real neat, I tell ya...

Even private sectors have started practicing cost-cutting measures...less new recruits, retrenchment even...lower operating and transporting cost, no entertainment, less bonus, etc...why, even I have stopped going to fast food restaurants for my usual treats...no more massages...no more book-shopping...I mean, it doesn't take an economist to know that financial crisis as serious as this would not improve overnight...

At times like these, one would look to our politicians for leadership, direction and assurance...which in my country, I am afraid to confess...is extremely lacking...even to the point, that all they can say is "We are not affected by the economic downturn of USA"...I would say its a load of bull...

So far, I've been following the newspapers through and through...looking out for news that our politicians are actually preparing the nation for the economic crisis that will only get worse through year 2009...

And guess what our politicians are REALLY well-prepared for???

“I would like to assure the public that the authorities are well prepared should there be floods,” - Prime Minister-to-be, Najib Abdul Razak...(bold, mine)

A struggling learned musician, squawking her way through college..ahem...as of July 2009...I have officially graduated!!..YEAH, baby!!...some people say she is hyperactive...but that's probably due to the chocolate and coffee she drowns herself in each day...coming from a SLIGHT dysfunctional family, her life is a living contradiction...she firmly believes that no one is ever to old to bungee jump...and lastly, she would like to keep a pet snake, but her mum would probably break her legs...