Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Q: Quitters

When I first heard about it, I shook my head and thought to myself that such things happen because they are not educated and because they don't know any better. All my life I've seen it happen to women around me. I saw it happen to my mother's domestic helper. She came to work with a bruise or a black eye and always blamed it on a fall. Ma knew better than to ask too many questions but always quietly helped her in whatever way she could.

Then I saw it happen to a cousin. And no, she isn't uneducated. In fact she was a star student. Her parents love her and brought her up like a princess but what she saw after marriage was a whole new story. She is abused regularly, a beating here, a "punishment" there and yet, she continues to stay married to that man and lives with that family. And the parents know about this! And yet, she continues to live with that, hoping it will change.

More recently, I heard from a very close friend. Both she and the husband are high flyers in their respective careers. They loved each other dearly. Until they didn't anymore. Her husband beat her and she always makes excuses for him and says it was a one time thing. Except, it wasn't!

I get it! She loves him. But shouldn't she love herself more? She doesn't want to give up on her relationship. I wonder why she gives up on herself. She's scared to step out, but aren't there enough people to cheer her on for doing what she ought to, instead of advising her to stay in an abusive relationship. She did it for the children, and she taught them one of two lessons, it's ok to abuse your wife or it's normal to be abused by your husband. What the hell kind of conditioning is this? To not want out, to not fight for a better life, to not walk out when you can. If this is happening so close to home and to people like you and me, is there any hope for the rest?