Monday, February 28, 2011

Rabbit Stew

I have seen more Max and Ruby episodes than some parents have, and I don't have kids. At the kids' store that I manage, we have a pint sized couch and flat screen TV (read: best kids' store ever), and for a long time Max and Ruby was on loop. Then I found other DVDs and so now I cuddle up on the tiny couch and watch the original Winnie the Pooh. I mean... it's for the kids.

That's not even what this is about. This is about RUBY. That manipulative little bitch of a sister that Max has to deal with. Is this actually a show that parents allow their kids to watch? If you are unfamiliar with the show, let me sum it up for you.

"Maaaax, you're doing it wrong! Silly, you need to do it MY way."
"No Max, your job is to watch us play. That's way more fun than playing with us."
"Max, you can do what you want to do after we do everything that I want to do, and even then, we won't do what you want to do."
"See Max? This is the right way to it. Your way is wrong, you see that now, right?! Right?!"
"Max why aren't you massaging my bunions?"
"Max, Max? Where are you? Why are you hiding from me?"
"What's that behind your back Max? Is that a knife?"
"Oh you're going to cut me a slice of cake! How sweet, but I'm going to eat the whole cake. You won't like it."
Max glares at sister, sees red and murderous rage ensues.

Ok, so maybe I exaggerated a bit, but you get the point, right? Right?

I would cut a bitch if that was my sister. Then I would make rabbit stew.

But really, this is the type of kids' shows that's out there these days? Creating "healthy" sibling rivalry? If that show was out when I was a kid I'm pretty sure my brother would have looked at me, then Ruby, then me.. then strangled me in my sleep. Seriously.

What ever happened to quality shows like Bugs Bunny and The Muppets and Fraggle Rock and Mr. Dressup? Don't even get me started on "In the Night Garden", or whatever it's called. That show gives me the heebie jeebies. There is something not right with that program. Every night at 7:30 pm, toddlers everywhere zone into this weird show that would make oompa loompas look trustworthy. See? I can't even mention it without getting my "panties" in a bunch.

I really need to do some psychotherapy where I draw out my feelings...

"And why do you feel that you have these angry thoughts against a fictional rabbit?"

Laurenne is dumb. "Fraggle Rock" was awesome. Or at least, Kindergarten Me thought it was awesome. I used to think "She-Ra" was the best ever, until I watched it as an adult. Wow. Couldn't get past the first episode. Maybe today's kids will look back on their favorite TV shows someday and cringe, too.

*** I starred it because I'm slowly starting to understand not everyone likes cursing on her blog. But the sentiment is there. Those parents should be arrested. Max and Ruby run wild, Ruby bossing Max around and Max being a passive-aggressive little weiner, and then every once in a while Ol' Batshit Grandma comes around and is never concerned they are constantly unsupervised. What kind of lesson is this teaching our children?

Sarah P - Did you miss the part where I said I would cut a bitch? About Ruby? Feel free to use all my favourite words: fuck, motherfuck, shit, etc. Maybe the parents offed themselves after realizing they created a narcissistic bitch and a sociopath.