Likes & Dislikes: Online Dating

In olden days, singles would find each other at bars. Welcome to the future: relationships are forged in dating site databases full of lonely hearts. Here’s what we like and dislike about our new robot matchmakers.

LIKE: Meeting people in the comfort of one’s own home, instead of a smelly bar.DISLIKE: Finding out that your date smells like stale beer and urine.

LIKE: The amazing variety of people you encounter.DISLIKE: Searching through thousands of desperate singles is like choking back a pint glass of garlic salt.

LIKE: You can meet people exactly like you!DISLIKE: Why not just masturbate, then cry yourself to sleep?

LIKE: Looking for “attractive,” “easy going,” and “educated”DISLIKE: Discovering that means “no chin,” “rage issues,” and “dumb as a jar of Cheez Whiz.”

LIKE: Your profile pic is so hot.DISLIKE: It was taken ten years ago, before your addiction to extreme facial piercings.

LIKE: Searching for singles with quirky hobbies, like playing the ukulele.DISLIKE: Finding out the ukulele is strung with human pubic hair.

LIKE: You can finally meet a fellow “foodie.”DISLIKE: “Foodie” is just another word for “Sexless Carb Hoover.”

LIKE: Being able to present the best possible “you” to new people.DISLIKE: You're lying, and after a couple drinks, you revert to talking like a hillbilly.

LIKE: This person loves the great HBO drama “The Wire,” just like you!DISLIKE: Neither of you have ever actually made it through a single episode.

LIKE: The Internet is where shy, awkward romantic nerds can have confidence.DISLIKE: The confidence anonymity bestows means everyone is a churlish, superficial tyrant.

LIKE: You can reject people without feeling guilty.DISLIKE: People not only reject you without feeling guilty, they email you “LOL”.