Back when I was living in Columbus, Ohio my friends and I started a quote wall. Whenever a bit of brilliance (or otherwise) poured out of someone’s mouth, somebody would yell “Quote!” thus nominating it for Quote Board status. The quote then had to be seconded by someone (it almost always was), and then it would be written down to be forever immortalized on the Quote Board.

…(click here if you have no idea what I’m talking about) is Doug French!

Doug “won” with this short story about the worst gift he ever received:

When I was a kid, our Cub Scout pack had a gift exchange. Names were drawn out of a hat, at which point you would go up and pick a gift. My name came up last, which means I was left with the default gift. Every parent had bought something from the store to donate to the pile, but the parent who donated my “gift” had instead asked their child to craft something. To much derision in front of the group, I was now the owner of a Western pistol made out of a papertowel tube, and a cardboard sheriff’s badge covered in glitter.

Congrats, Doug! I mean… that sucks!

Also, a dishonorable mention to Bill Pearson who entered the following:

…for a lot of reasons, to be honest, but mostly because I’ve had a short stack of CDs here that I’ve been meaning to mention for awhile now.

Thanks to the long (and slightly sordid) history of “Tastes Like Chicken,” I still get the occasional press item sent my way. I decided awhile back that I will no longer review items here because, let’s be honest, my opinions are meaningless. That, and also because after a decade of writing reviews they all became the same exact thing: “This CD is like (fill in the blank). This part is bad, this part is good. Yawn.”

Still, over the past few/many months, I’ve received a handful of discs I honestly enjoy, so rather than bore you with reviews I’m just going to list them here. Each one is linked to the artist’s website, so if you’re interested in learning more about them check them out.

Back when I was living in Columbus, Ohio my friends and I started a quote wall. Whenever a bit of brilliance (or otherwise) poured out of someone’s mouth, somebody would yell “Quote!” thus nominating it for Quote Board status. The quote then had to be seconded by someone (it almost always was), and then it would be written down to be forever immortalized on the Quote Board.

This is the modern day equivalent of that classic piece of my past.

QUOTE BOARD:

DMV Customer: “Do you have the motorcycle handbook?”

DMV Employee: “We only have it in Spanish; we’re out of the English ones.”

DMV Customer: “Ummm… okay. Do you have a Spanish translator I could borrow?”