Tebow tilts the region’s equilibrium

Here’s the question on everyone’s lips: After learning the stunning news that we’ve been betrayed by the very institution we count on for social stability, how can we trust anything again?

Talk about being blindsided. These days, we’re afraid, confused and cynical.

I’m not referring to the U.S. government’s sweeping surveillance program and data mining procedures because, as was noted on The Daily Show, that program only affects people who use the telephone or Internet. Here in New England, we’re far more shocked by the Patriots’ distressing decision to sign Tim Tebow, the Kim Kardashian of professional football, as both are famous for being famous, although no one knows exactly why.

What we do know, here in New England, is that we hate Tim Tebow. Him and his All-American, Christ-loving, broad-shouldered, aw-shucks appeal. Him and his farm-raised, clean-living, charity-loving, Heisman Trophy-winning wholesomeness. This is professional football, for the love of God. The Patriots couldn’t sign a garden-variety sex offender or at least a serial spouse abuser? What, no steroid addicts were available?

The news had hardly leaked about the third-string quarterback before Facebook and Twitter exploded in an orgy of hand-wringing outrage, with people who barely shrug when their children develop SARS posting angry predictions that Tebow would get playing time only if Tom Brady’s head was to suddenly fall off.

“I don’t want to live on this planet anymore,” tweeted one inconsolable fan.

Meanwhile, at Tuesday’s mini-camp practice, Tebow greeted a crush of more than 50 media members with his typical fingernails-on-chalkboard rant:

“First and foremost I just want to thank the Patriots for giving me an opportunity,” he said. “I’m very thankful. It’s such an honor to be a Patriot and play for coach (Bill) Belichick and coach (Josh) McDaniels and learn under Tom (Brady) and be part of this great franchise and a part of a very successful franchise. I found that out first-hand, lost to them several times, so it’s going to be a lot of fun. I’m looking forward to working hard every single day and getting a lot better and learning under some great people. ... Thank you all so much and God bless.”

Who does this guy think he is? And listen to what Bill Belichick said about Tebow in 2010:

“My sense of Tim Tebow is that if you asked him to play nose (tackle), he’d play nose. I think he’s the kind of kid where whatever you ask him to do, he’ll do.”

Ugh! What a prima donna.

Not everyone in New England hates Tebow, of course. A poster on Blue Mass Group named Daniel Moraff described his dismay when Bruins fans chanted “Tebow sucks” during a hockey game days before the Patriots hosted Tebow and the Broncos in the playoffs.

“I have never seen a player for another team get such a rise out of the Boston fans,” he lamented. “My theory is Tim reminds many of us, including me, of our shortcomings, our past failings or where we failed to live up to our Judeo-Christian upbringing.”

That’s ridiculous. Just because we poke fun at the pious passer of pigskin doesn’t mean that New England sports fans are a bunch of beer-swilling Philistines. Some of us drink gin. And just because Tebow insists on dragging God into football games he’s too busy to care about (God, not Tebow), doesn’t mean we shouldn’t cut him some slack (Tebow, not God).

Besides, Belichick has indicated to reporters that he’s already had enough of Tebowmania, and this is a coach who tolerates the press only slightly better than the Rev. Fred Phelps treats homosexuals on a good day. Asked if he would mind if Tebow drops to one knee after making a big play, Belichick snapped, “I’ve already talked enough about him.”

But we haven’t. Here in New England, despite our dismay, I suspect Tebow Time has only just begun.