I believe in the quiet place inside each and every one of us. This is where every question is answered, this is where every truth is revealed. This blog is about my journey.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Becoming a Woman

There was a time when I found that I was constantly searching
for answers about myself.There was a
time when I had no idea what emotions were bubbling under the surface of my own
skin.And there was also a time when I
thought that my own truth might lie within someone else.I know now that all of these were small
pathways to the larger picture of where I walk today.

It seems like it was an awfully long time ago that I was
such a different person.A girl who was
searching to be a woman ~ strong, courageous, wise and worldly.A search that seemed like it would take a
lifetime to achieve.I was wanting so
badly for it all to happen at once ~ a grand and staged event where people
would all gather to say "Wow!Look
at Nicole ... she is now a woman, worldly and wise".I even sometimes thought of myself as being
filled with wisdom, but I never shared it for lack of confidence.At the time, I felt that I was confident
because I never really cared what other people thought of me ... which led me
to grand self-expression.Different hair
colours (all colours of the rainbow), piercings (septum and tongue), Tattoos
accumulated over the transition from teenager to young adult, and clothes
sourced out from thrift stores ~ as long as it was dramatic enough.

Even amongst all of my material world, I had a vast and
private life, and looking back on it now I think that perhaps I was protecting
someone inside myself who was much more sensitive and naive and quiet than my
outside persona.For me, there has
always been this internal tug-of-war between my introverted self and my
extroverted self.There were times when
I wished I could be bold, outgoing and fun ~ the life of the party!These were the times when I could dress up in
crazy, attention-grabbing outfits, and go out with friends for drinks and
dancing.I looked confident, but I was
always anxious and desperate for something more on the inside.Other times I just wanted to hole up in a
cave, invoking comforting energies, hoping for Wicca to make my life more
dramatic.I now understand that there is
a great gift that lies within patience and subtlety.

The truth is, it takes a long time to figure out how to
become a woman.It takes experience in all
avenues of life. It takes great girlfriends and terrible girlfriends.It takes jerk boyfriends, nice boyfriends,
bad boy- boyfriends, and "forever" boyfriends.It takes time.It takes patience.It takes love, over all things, but first of
all we have to love ourselves.It takes
milestones.It takes long periods of
boredom.It takes time.And it also takes guidance from other, older
women who know what you're going through.It takes finding a role model and watching her for a while, listening to
her stories, and also supporting her.

I don't know when it happened.There really isn't any one event that made me
realize I had begun to reach my wishes.I recognize now that it truly is about the journey, and that there might
not be a particular place you are supposed to get to.I understand there will be times when I have
no energy for anyone but me.I
understand there will be times when I lose my temper, when I will need to
grieve alone, when I will simply need space from all the people in my life who
need me. There will most definitely be rough times ahead, this I
understand.I think what changes over
time is the way in which we approach challenge, at least for me this is
true.

1 comment:

I think what changes over time is the way in which we approach challenge, at least for me this is true. ------ yes perception changes even about challenges, i feel. It may not even appear as a challenge but just an incident that needs to be attended.

Clarity bestows whats on surface and from where it needs to be addressed, your very core.

Full Circle Newsletter Signup!

About Me

My name is Nicole. I am a mother, a wife, a yogi, a yoga teacher, a runner, a writer and a baker. I work to inspire others by living an inspired life.
I hope you enjoy the articles I have posted ~ I love mail, and I welcome your comments!