Tuesday, January 3, 2012

A letter to my son

My Dearest Dearest Moses:

I love you sooooo much. Sooooo much. But tonight you threw up on me for probably the 1000th time. I'm not exaggerating, I don't think any sweet baby has ever thrown up on their mother as much as you have on me in these wonderful past 15 months. You are the cutest little thing ever, but you have been pushing my buttons like crazy ALL DAY, you have gotten sooo much snot all over me, you have sucked on me (I feel like the nursing will never end) and thrown up on me (hot dogs, in case you wanted to know, you threw up hot dogs on me) and I just started my period, ergo: I let you cry yourself to sleep tonight. I never quite had the heart/determination to do it with Valentine- I mean I tried, but after an hour or more of her either hysterically crying and screaming or contentedly talking to herself I realized it just wasn't going to happen. But you are a champ. You cried in your crib for 10 maybe 15 minutes and then you were sleeping, like the lovely big baby you are. See, you actually get tired and want to sleep, and that never happens with Valentine. I'm sorry to do that to you, but it had to be done, cause I didn't have any other options that wouldn't have involved me losing my brain. Thank you for going to sleep by yourself and also for having my most favorite laugh I've ever heard. You are the cutest and I love you so so much Little Man.

Love,

Ma

P.S. Um, if you do throw up on me one more time I might have to...... I don't know what, but something very drastic that's for sure. I love you.

While cleaning up Valentine after she peed all over herself and my mom's couch-

Me: "Valentine!!! We do NOT go pee-pee in our underwear!!! You're a big girl, you know that!! We do NOT do that!!!!"

Valentine: (looking down) "It's not so terrible Mama." (looks at me) "It's not so terrible."

Me: "Yes it is, it is so terrible. Don't do it again."

Valentine: (looking down again muttering) "It's not so terrible Mama....."

Page: "You're gonna diiiie!"

Dad: "Do we use these, can I throw them out??"

Jordan: "Yeah you can throw them away we don't use them anymore...... but that one Dance Dance Revolution Pad has so many dear memories."

I started to nurse Moses while some of the family was around....

Merry "Drew, do you wish that was you?"

She has been on FIRE lately!

Jessie: "So, how was Page and Ted's honeymoon?"

Kasi: "Good, they said pretty much all they did was hang out in the hotel room and on the beach."

Merry: "And make-out."

Me: "Valentine, please stop doing that."

Valentine: "WHAT'D YOU SAY?!" (continuing what she's not supposed to do)

Me: "Valentine, that's enough!"

Valentine: "WHAT'D YOU SAY??!" (still doing it)

Me: "Valentine! Sto.."

Valentine: "WHAT'D YOU SAY?! WHAT?!" (still doing it)

Summer (addressing everyone): "So, if you could have a million dollars but could never use the internet again would you take it? Which would you rather have?"

Many arguments ensued about whether a million dollars is worth more than a life time's use of the internet..... after a few minutes we hear.....

Merry: "So, would you rather have food or sex?"

Silence.

Everyone: "What did you say Merry???"

"Did you just say sex?"

Nico: "She didn't, she said text."

Me: " No, she said sex."

Merry: "Uh, yeah, I say SEX."

Valentine: "Whoah Momma, she's so heavy!" (while holding Moses)

Valentine: "Happy Tine-tine's Day!" (on Valentine's day)

While Valentine is awake in her crib at midnight and being ignored by her annoyed parents: (yelling) "Momma?!........ Hey Momma?............ Mooooommmmmaaaaaaa!......... Daddy?............ Bicah?!................. ANYBODY!!! HEY ANYBODY!!!!!!!!"

Valentine: "Aw, come on!"

Kasi: "I was a creepy teenager actually."

Merry: "Um, Ted. Probably at my wedding I will dance with you third. First my husband, then my dad and then you."

Yelling from the other room-

Me: "Valentine?"

Valentine: "What?!"

Valentine: "Wight back!"

Response from Bud to my text saying "IT'S A BOY!!!"

Bud: "Hurray! Madie you really pulled through on this one."

"Page I saw the commercial for Grey's Anatomy and there's a shooter in the hospital and the Nazi gets pulled out from under a bed!"

-Micah

"What are you doing Idiot A**?"

-Sassy while driving

"Snow globe, snow globe, I am yours" - an excerpt from one of Merry's poems