Before the end of the year and I am finished packing my owner/s suitcase. I have a particular system, as one might when packing and unpacking bits and pieces of one’s life around the country and all over Europe has fallen into the realm of the quotidian.

Or at least a couple of times a month.

Packing cubes have saved (the shredded, desperate wind and time torn tatters of) my sanity and I can count out the number i need with a sightless hand in the basket where they are stored. One smaller pouch for 10 pairs of socks, another for 10 underpants, 10 undershirts in another, pants for work and relaxing in their own container. A light jacket, two swearers, 3 button-down shirts and 2 turtlenecks in a garment bag, folded in half as to minimize wrinkles. Into the suitcase goes an addict’s tools: a portable Nespresso (one of two, because we need one that runs on USA as well as EU currents) and sufficient pods to facilitate the caffeine addict’s daily drug dose. Into the suitcase also go the gifts for his youngest offspring, with whom he will be visiting as well as the games that they play together while he is with her.

Packed and weighed to insure that it is under the weight limit, I add in some slippers, just in case his feet get cold.

He returns to the bedroom, smiles as he sees me stuffing the last of the shirts into the last of the pouches.

“Dahling. Thank you. I can feel the love you give me.”

His consideration of the reality of service as love and erotic fulfillment is still new.

When we were in Europe, we had a wonderful series of private sessions with my friend Rebecca Lowrie, a sexuality and intimacy coach and…healer, really. We were with her to talk about some of the Stuff we are working on in our relationship. Too much to mention here but we have, my owner and I, very different experiences of our sexual histories.

Deborah AddingtonHow has your perspective on service, as an act that nurtures your Spirit, shifted over time? Do you experience embodied differences in where/how you feel the Eros of service in your flesh?

The universe has turned everything on its head, and my wonderful owner, Georg Friedrich will marry me on September 25th. Some folks have asked about us being registered for the wedding, and I’ve dragged my feet on it because I am shy about these kinds of things. Shyness aside, this house slave would love fun gifts for our newlywed celebration, and we are touched and grateful that people wish to participate in the cerebration in this way!

If you are less inclined to give gifts, we are also helping the Temple Beth Emeth v’Ohr Progressive Shaari Zedek upgrade the sound system in their sanctuary! Our dear friend, Rabbi Heidi Hoover, not only officiated our collaring but her Synagogue is welcoming us into their sacred space to conduct our wedding. No, we aren’t converts to Judaism….however we have a connection to and respect for a people who would welcome us into their midst with such love and warmth.

Those who wish to make a donation can use my gMail account under Mojogoddess to do so. tn the memo field please put “DONATION To Temple Beth Emeth’s Sound System” and indicate if you need a receipt for tax purposes!

The wedding begins at 1:00PM EDT, but the stream will likely be live before then. The Password will be posted as a “Friends Only” post on Facebook, so if you are friends with either the Groom or Bride, you’ll have access!

Periscope will ALSO be available! Download and install the app (https://www.periscope.tv/). You must follow user viviane212. As the feed will be private, you must follow her and she will follow you back

Welcome to e[lust]– The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at e[lust]. Want to be included in e[lust] #56? Start with the rules, come back March 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

Welcome to e[lust]– The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at e[lust]. Want to be included in e[lust] #55? Start with the rules, come back February 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

I was more anxious than happy when I received an IM from The Composer. It was the middle of the night for him, and he had responded to one of my e-mails letting me know he was only up for a bit and was going to sleep once he was done working. The anxiety stemmed from the fact that my message was less than cheery. I’m dealing with (yet more) dental issues and navigating Medicaid to get the care I need isn’t as simple a thing as one would hope. Being from Europe, the vagaries of our healthcare system are opaque to him, and being a poor kid, I careen wildly between irrationally ragey and then panicked reactions when I have to even TALK about this shit. Let alone do the research and phone calls and make appointments only to be told no, sorry, YOUR particular brand of poor folks healthcare isn’t the RIGHT kind of poor folks health care so just take your poor ass somewhere else, poor person.

Part 4A & 4B is here! Technical difficulties lead me to have to cut in the middle of one recording and so yeah, extra nugs for you.

Getting hyphy with the hypotheticals: fantasies vs. realities and edgeplay in daily life. We talk about the hotness of attention to detail, the randomness of stutters, why I avoid the word Smörgåsbord, and why pufferfish dominance isn’t always the move.Continue reading »

My challenge to the Rope Community? Create beautiful alternatives to the TK. I know you can do it!

Look! It be part three in my rough stabs at Podcasting…In which we riff into the topic of presenting & Teaching, talk about the Unconference model (shout out to the G.R.U.E.!) vs. your typical kink class. How do we separate out the intensity of scenes in a demo from the artificiality of a demo structure? How do we insure the folks in kink class observe what they see without feeling as though they’re being given a template for play. We talk about Mo’s code words for explaining VERY STRONG FEELINGS, and how the cock-shot opinion has shifted. And BTW, J.P.’s handle on FetLife is ControlEnthusiast. And he’s, like, NEVER there so don’t bother. And then it’s all PSYCH! IT IS OVAH! Because I am hella amateur with this shit and it is seat of the pants. Tune in tomorrow for more excellence!Continue reading »

Unspeakable Axe runs the Masocast, and I am delighted to have been invited to sit and chat with him for a while! We recorded it in… December, I think? My memory isn’t awesome and I don’t care all that much…at least not enough to so dig around in my Google calendar and scritch it up!

It was wonderful chatting with him. Intelligent, thoughtful, smart, funny…these are all things that have been said about me, and I am sure they apply to him, too. Fuckin’ with ya, man!

I had a wonderful time visiting and I’d love to have a rematch somewhere down the line…there are always more adventures to share!

Being an ally means fighting alongside. It is about taking a stand, in front of everyone. Vocally. Holding people accountable. Not “agreeing to disagree” when people support racism. About saying “privilege is real.” and talking about ways to mitigate racism, ways to educate so that it is a shared responsibility.

Some folks are tired of fighting this fight. I had several People Of Color who fight these fights respond to me privately and say “I support you and i am too tired and to bruised to fight this today.” Because you know what? For a Person of Color? To walk down the street is to make a political statement. To call out racism is a revolutionary act. And we can’t battle this without great personal cost.

I approached Leathati to ask if I could write an editorial. I was advised that it would be better to have a “Town Hall” style meeting to discuss it as it is a “larger issue.” No response was made to my request to speak on the topic, and then they found someone else. Originally listed as the “Calendar Editor” for Leatherati, Ms. Best’s byline was, subsequent to posting, changed to “contributing editor.” The Leatherati editor then stated that I was unresponsive to his invitation to the “Town Hall” and that he “welcomed” different opinions. I’m not sure how welcoming it is to not answer when one offers to write on an issue, but shit happens and so it goes. He since corrected his error. I invite Leatherati to post my video entry, linked at the top of this blog, as a response.

Almost all of the people responding to Ms. Best’s column defending the racist blackface act were clear: there is no place for this in our Leather community. I want to personally acknowledge, call attention, and give my deepest, humblest gratitude to the people who have, thus far spoken up on that page. Lady !Kona, Patrick Mulcahey, Janet Hardy, Dana Pellebon, Lane Campbell, Sailor, Sé Shay Sullivan, Shannon. I want to call attention to the titleholder who is representing Washington State who commented, most puzzingly, that a drag act where a white man dresses in blackface and mocks the worst stereotypes of Black women is “social commentary that gently pushes us to challenge our own preconceived ideas or propriety and acceptance.”

Thankfully, there are people who are titleholders who are taking a stand against racist performance.

These are Leatherfolks…leaders in the Leather Community…who took a stand.

If you are moved to action, please use the contact button to your right, let me know where you are writing and fighting against racism in the Leather community, and I will add you to this post.

I also want to send a particular shout out to the Black Leatherwomen who have walked this path and fought these battled for decades. Your support and your example gives me hope and fortifies my resolve. Thank you, Sisters.

Those of you who have decided that you:

…don’t have time.

…aren’t interested in getting involved.

…don’t see how it impacts you.

…are just gonna let it die down.

…are going to wait until it blows over.

…don’t want to “take sides.”

…will chalk it up to a difference of opinion.

…are not allies.

It is increasingly becoming very difficult for me to even think of you as my friends.

I’m having to do some pretty serious gymnastics to understand how people I love can take a stand to support, or refuse to take a stand against something that is injurious to people they purport to love.

I beseech you to add your voice. Write a blog post. Link to this one. Comment on the blogs above. Call people out on their shit. Don’t make excuses for your friends when they are taking a stand you know to be wrong. Do not agree to disagree. KNOW THAT YOU ARE RIGHT to call out racism.

In the same way I DO NOT associate with people who are homophobic, sexist, transphobic, anti-choice, etc, I DO NOT associate with people who support racism.