Peaceful means for resolving the Arab-Israeli conflict: If you can’t beat them, join them

For over five decades now, the Palestinians (and Arabs by extension) have failed to attain their lawful rights –their basic rights as guaranteed by the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, UN resolutions and articles of the Geneva Convention. Worse, they are vilified and personally blamed for their ordeal. As a Palestinian, this just kills me. What, then, can, or should, the Palestinians do? Let’s look at the options. Other than to surrender (or do nothing), they are miniscule.

As it stands, Palestinians (and Arabs) do not have the caliber to wage, let alone win, a conventional (or non-conventional for that matter) war against Israel. What’s left then? Let’s be frank about it: guerrilla warfare, which, though legit, will always be seen by the “civilized nations” as terrorism. Hey, I didn’t make the rules; that’s just how it works. If you don’t have a conventional army with infantry, tanks, F-16s, missiles (preferably nukes), and whatnot, you’re a terrorist. It doesn’t matter if your cause is legitimate or not; self-defense or not.

Who cares what the imperial powers think, you ask? After all, they are the ones who created this plight in the first place. Today, they are still Israeli’s guardians and lifeline. And, that’s exactly my point.

Fact of the matter is Palestinians are not just fighting some Jewish fundamentalists who want to “redeem” the land they left gazillions of years ago; rather, this is the last colonial war. The imperial PR / mass media machine has already branded us, Palestinians, as intransigent, fundamentalists, “militants” and “terrorists”. Remarkably, to the West, we do not have one single freedom-fighter on board our race. In short, we’ve been spun from victims into aggressors. This, in its turn, is a carte blanche to the Israeli occupation defense forces (sic) to sustain their brute colonial campaign. So, guerrilla warfare results in vastly disproportionate causalities.

Yet, I do not mean to discourage the Palestinian knights from resisting (remember what I said earlier, surrender is no option). Fighting, though, should be done by “all means available,” as mandated by articles of the Fourth Geneva Convention, and that, I will argue, does not exclude resorting to extra-ordinary measures. Hey, the end justifies the means, they say. Our Israeli brethren certainly put these words into action during their so-called war of independence, when, before a single Arab soldier set foot in Palestine, over 500 Palestinian villages were razed, by the Zionist thugs, hundreds killed and thousands fled, to make way for the new ‘Jewish State’. What I am saying is that we, Palestinians, should learn from them. Not necessarily ruthlessness, but, more importantly, and that’s the crux of my argument, wits.

Follows are some undertakings, ‘protocols of the elders of the dispossessed’, if you will, I believe, Palestinians could and should pursue to attain their droits without firing a single shot. Flexibility here is a prerequisite. We need to think outside the Bantustans.

Faith is in the heart (Arabic proverb)

The Zionist doctrine is simple: Israel is Jewish.

I, for one, fail to understand the raison d’etre and hence the ideology behind contemporary Zionism. Early Zionism, I understand. I don’t accept its modus operandi, but understand its progenitor: 19th century (Christian) Europe anti-Semitism. Today, however, there is no persecution of Jews. I have yet to hear of a single Jew who immigrated to the “Promised Land” because he or she is being persecuted by his fellow countrymen. Could the probability of a renascence of global anti-Semitism / Jewish persecutions possibly exceed that of being struck by lightening –I wonder.

In short, I will never understand (what I call) neo-Zionism. But, it is the Palestinians’ principle foe. Bottom line: Israel is Jewish. Then, let’s take it from there.

Here’s what I propose.

Palestinians to embrace Judaism, en masse.

Sure, some logistical difficulties will arise from this religious revolution, like shortages of rabbis and synagogues to perform the necessary conversion / baptism ceremonies (or whatever they happen to refer to it in Judaism), but repatriation and reparation are well worth it. Let’s not lose sight of the big picture here.

Okay, so there will be other serious theological problems.

Palestinians, Muslims and Christians, will argue that it is irreligious to change their faith, just so that they can attain their fundamental human rights, like not be discriminated against based on religion, color or ethnicity (as stipulated by the Universal Declaration of Human Rights). My reply is: God is forgiving and most merciful. He will understand (trust me). Besides, “faith is in the heart,” as we Arabs say.

For our Jewish brethren, it shouldn’t be a problem, either. They should be glad to see their numbers double overnight. They have been struggling to import Jewry all along (alleged war criminal Ariel Sharon recently announced it a national priority to import 1 million new Jew, ASAP, before they get diluted by goyims). (Remember the simple Zionist dogma: Israel is Jewish.) Additionally, this process of Jewish resettlement, is costing the American taxpayers a fortune (about 135 billion dollars, so far)1 to cover the costs for construction of new Jewish colonies, travel expenses, schooling, medical, welfare, etc.

Inter-racial Zionism

We have seen Christian-Zionists; a gazillion of them, from devout reverends to happy-go-lucky barmen.

We have also seen communist-Zionists (agnostics). There is a million or so of them in the Israeli territories alone (followers of Hadash / Chadash communist parties). Mind you, it’s only 15% of Israelis that claim religious observance, anyway. But even those ‘faithful’ Jews will praise the Occidental system of religious pluralism and religious tolerance. Diaspora faithful Jewry are also the most vehement advocates of secularism.

We’ve even seen Muslim-Zionists. A good example to note here is the very patriotic Palestinian intellectual Sari Nusseibeh (Arafat’s new chief envoy in Jerusalem) –he, too, wants to preserve the ‘Jewishness’ of Israel.

Why, then, can’t we, likewise, have Christian-Jews, communist-Jews and Muslim-Jews –besides, all Abrahamic religions followers will be sharing the very same heaven, in the hereafter. So, what’s the fuss? (The “evil ones” will share the same hell.)

Furthermore, Abraham is the genetic father for all Muslims, Jews and Christians, through the Israelites and Ishmaelites, whether they are white (Saxon or Anglo-Saxon), black (Ethiopian or African-American), Asian (Chinese or Indo-Pakistani), etc.

Ethnicity, therefore, shouldn’t be a problem for the Israelis. There are Arab Jews, black Jews (Ethiopians, for example), Anglo-Saxon Jews, Asian Jew…heck, I’ve even seen Afghani Jews (recently on CNN). The point is, ethnicity is no issue, and since Israel is a ‘democratic state’, just like the West, it will be tolerant toward diversity.

Fatwas (religious decrees) towards successful assimilation

(Suitable for all Palestinian goyims. Here’s how it works.)

(Our Palestinian Christian brethren can convert to Islam first, to be able to follow suit.)

Another helpful fatwa, for the Palestinians towards attaining their droits, is that every faithful Palestinian marry an Israeli citizen (Arabs with Israeli citizenship generally have more rights than Arab non-citizens). Muslim men can marry in quartos, for prolificacy (possibly, the only war, at this point in time, that the Palestinians can win). I mean, there’s about a million Palestinian-Israeli –a lot of faces to choose from. (Our Christian brethren don’t need to change their religion for this.) Unfortunately, though, I recently heard that the Knesset is considering a bill to deny citizenship to “foreigners” who marry Israeli citizen. So, you’d better hurry up lads.

Polygamy in such extraordinary times is highly recommended, and should be encouraged by all Muslim clerics, preferably with a fatwa, and declared a national priority.

A third fatwa is that every Palestinian should change his or her name and adopt a Hebrew name. (This will help them assimilate). By the same token, Palestinians, especially Diaspora Palestinians, should, after changing their names and religion, immigrate to Russia (and not forget to give their newborns Jewish names). Thus, at least, second generation Palestinian-Russians can make the “aliyah” (yea, I know, but better a generation late than never).

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