Thursday, March 15, 2012

If you do this at a restaurant, I hate you.

1. Come in at five minutes to closing.
2. Come in at five minutes to closing and order to stay, not to go.
3. Come in at five minutes to closing, order to stay, and stay for half an hour past closing.
4. Come in at five minutes to closing, order to stay, stay for half an hour past closing, finish eating, throw your trash away, and then return to your booth for another twenty minutes.
5. Come in at five minutes to closing, order to stay, stay for half an hour past closing, finish eating, throw your trash away, and then return to your booth for another twenty minutes to make out.
6. Make out in the restaurant, period. I would be happy to direct you to the nearest hotel.
7. Come in at five minutes to closing, order to stay, stay for half an hour past closing, finish eating, throw your trash away, and then return to your booth for another twenty minutes and hold a cub scouts meeting.
8. Come in at five minutes to closing, order to stay, stay for half an hour past closing, spill your food all over the universe, then leave all your trash on the table, and not leave a tip.
9. Spill your food all over the universe, then leave all your trash on the table, and not leave a tip (regardless of time of day).
10. Change your baby's diaper on the table.
11. Special-order something really complicated, and then change your mind once your food is already halfway made.
12. Change your mind about what you ordered once your food is already completely made.
13. Argue about the no American Express policy.
14. Demand a refund for food you've already eaten.
15. Require a verbal walkthrough of every single item on the menu, rather than just looking at it.
16. Allow your children to run screaming around the restaurant.
17. Allow your children to vandalize the Coke machine.
18. Complain about the wait when the restaurant is clearly swamped and there are about six orders ahead of yours.
19. Rearrange tables and then leave them there when you leave.
20. Be 40 and creepy and hit on the employees.