Ok, tis the season for family, feasting, and religion sidelined for consumerism. Which means, we spend more time than usual with the family, (which sounds like a good thing, but if Eastenders teaches us anything it's that we have some dramatic family fall out times ahead!)

​It also means festive nights out, works do's, new years parties. A breeding ground for who wore it better, isn't she prettier, that makes her look too fat, and general female rivarly shit.

Suppoosedly in times of need, we cannot rely on our sisters for NUFFIN, if we are to take note of all the messages and hints given to us by society, you'd think we are all on our own lonely journeys. Divided and conquered, one woman at a time tries to take down the patriarchy and mostly fails.​

​So I have put together the alternative Bollywood collection of why this is NOT my lived reality. So the next time you find yourself bickering at the table over the roasted masala turkey, bombay potatoes, and all the trimmimgs, put down the carving knife, and come together in the spirit of Christmas, and you share that love, sisters. Remember all the times you have come together and owned every situation 2016 had to throw at you.

​

1. Remember the times your sisters have gotten rid of that unwanted special occasions guest. There is always that one Vampiric family member, who cannot be let in not even once.

​2. And when rishtey waleh do manage to get through the front door, Bajji is there waiting with you.Bajji: 'Seeneh vich, ready.....'

​3. When they help you speak out against the customs.So when guests ask you what you cooked, and you show everyone with pride a whole handful of nothing.

​4. Everyone's favourite person before any occasion. You know you can't live without the Didi who always has thread in her handbag and has everyones eyebrows slaying.

​5. The sisters who always get you dancing and smiling, despite family drama

​6. The sisters who even in the background still got your back.

​7. When the coloniser is gazing at you, and they right there to throw that look straight back at him

​8. Because it's not just your periods that are synchronized

​9. When it's day three of your period and you feel ugly and sad, so they come round with drinks, chocolates, and make up skills and have you dancing with joy at how sexy and happy you can be within 60 mins of them arriving

​10. ​When you realise he has quietly left in the second/ third / fourth wife options in the marriage contractApa: "Piyari dulhan don't worry. Where King Henry at, we got some history to make......."

​11. ​When they know you wanna night out, but don't wanna deal with no fuckboi's

​12. When Shit's going down and you know they'll hold your dupatta

​13. When you can act a BAD BITCH and mouth off, cos you know your girl's got you

​14. When they know exactly what kind of presents to get for you​Bajji: I burnt down the patriarchy, Happy Christmas and Seasonal greetings

It's that time of the month: cramps, rollercoaster emotions, frumpy underwear, and hotwater bottles. And I like nothing better than the usual suspects of chocolates and tears to help me get through my period. Which leads me to a whole library of Bollywood tearfest options, so very many to choose from! And ​while filling my very being with various forms of choccolate, cake based, confectionary based, yoghurt based, ice-cream based, beverage based, (yes, I feel this list is a valuable bit of information that needs to be included), biscuit based, and on desperate days even cereal based. ​I watched the Rekha version of Umrao Jaan for the thousandeth time, (No offence Aishwarya, but if it ain't broke, dont fix it) and it was the final scene, when she sings 'Yeh Kya Jageh Hai', that I was like: WTF White Tears, and why don't Desi Tears get as much airtime! (well actually I understand the deep rooted history of why Desi tears don't matter). But I think we do the whole crying thing so well. So, so well, no one can cry as good as a Desi girl, we run the crying game, we take it to the next level. Just look at Rekha, in this scene, I think everyone in the world wishes they slayed like this when they cried.​Which in turn has led me to compile a collection of key crying moments from Bollywood divas that the world can learn from. Grab your tissues, and enjoy:

​​

1. Let's start with the BOSS herself, Rekha

​2. Aishwarya Rai, the red eyes, red bindi matching look

​3. Kajol, getting that bottom lip involved in the teary face

​4. Katrina Kaif, I am so mad tears, but these tears don't fall in public

​5. Preity Zinta, the little trail down my face, but make up is flawless still

​6. And courtsey of The Pakistani Martha Stewart, hijabi's do it best with modest tears

​7. I cannot express enough how much I love the artist HateCopy, even our tears are not bland, ain't just salt and pepper here

​8. Priyanka Chopra, saying it like it is. Never mess with her "Garrooor"