Whatever comes into my head at the moment. Random musings, inane thoughts, creative outlet, parental advice, childish behavior and anything else that piques my interest at any given moment.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Bathroom Follies

You ever open a bathroom door and there's someone leaving and there's that startled look on you and the other guy? Why is that? Why do you have this hand in the cookie jar look? why are you startled? It's normal to need to hit the can so why do we get all jumpy when the door opens.

OK, if you're leaving and the door opens and you've got the deer in the headlights look it could be attributed to the foul stench you left behind but still, it's a bathroom. What was the other guy expecting? Potpourri?

So, I'm peeing in a stall (I don't like take little floogin out if there's a risk of another man being around him) and there's a guy in the stall taking a dump and it's painfully obvious that he's got some serious assues (my word, you can use it). He's clearly trying to stifle the horrific sounds of emanating from his anus and the ensuing hose down effect of his liquid hitting the water. He's letting out those tight cheeked discrete farts that whistle and whine until you can no longer hold back the pressure. Then the mix of foghorn blast and water balloon burst sounds come echoing out of the stall and it takes all your energy not to laugh. That is until the smell hits you. It's thick and soupy that smell, with a biting acid tone to it and your nostrils burn and you suddenly find yourself gagging. A horrible scene that gets even worse when the poor bastard has to come out of the stall and show his face to anyone in the bathroom.

Is it polite to apologize if you are exiting the bathroom after leaving a nasal plague behind? Do you politely tell the incoming person that, for all intents and purposes, the bathroom is off limits?It's no different than walking into an empty elevator and cutting open a fresh biscuit, only to have someone get on before you can get off. Do you apologize? Do you admit to too much fruit? Do you start talking about the pig who shit his pants and exited the elevator a floor earlier?

Here's something else. If you enter a stall and the seat is down and all you need to do is pee, lift the fucking seat up. I know, I sound like a woman but, seriously, most men, as they get older, have terrible aim and piss all over the seat and then next guy who needs to take a shit is going to be sitting on piss and that's just nasty.

On a side note, Disney is, officially, out. Little Moogin (not his real name) hit 103.9 on the temp this morning, had low oxygen while at the doctor's office, lung spasms followed and he wound up on a nebulizer. Poor kid is a trooper and, since Mrs. McNoogin was wise enough to take out full insurance, I am not paying for the trip, I figured some presents for the kids were in order. Santa McNoogin is coming tonight, making everything all right.For the time being at least.