billzeke write: It seems to me that most of the people that post regularly on these threads are here for some fun and enterainment. I think most would be happy to find the perfect mate, but are not counting on this site to do so. I fear that anyone that joined thinking this was their answer to romance will be very disappointed in the result. One can never find someone when they aggressively looking for them. The best things come along when you are not seeking them. Just my 2 cents.

I agree Bill I was a lil disappointed myself...but have realized I've made some wonderful friends on here...and lord do some ppl make me laugh on here...I'd much rather join the humor here than sit and watch TV...unless I was snuggling w/that someone special...ok ok I do like to snuggle w/my snuggle bug from time to time

It seems to me that most of the people that post regularly on these threads are here for some fun and enterainment. I think most would be happy to find the perfect mate, but are not counting on this site to do so. I fear that anyone that joined thinking this was their answer to romance will be very disappointed in the result. One can never find someone when they aggressively looking for them. The best things come along when you are not seeking them. Just my 2 cents.

Call it fear, I dunno. But what Z said about not seeing perfection bears some thought. So does Butter's statement about being wiser for the experience, and Fun's statement about standards. And Mandalay pretty much goes yard with his opinion, I do concur. Bottom line: being unable to find a happy medium between all these is what keeps us from envisioning everyday life with someone, big step that it is.

Solution? Hey, don't ask me, I'm clueless.

~URock
(posting in on an intelligent subject for a change)

I think U-rock , we all fear that with time our minds are conditioned and change is very difficult..easier when we are young , innocent, ignorant and more flexible and willing to change..and love was blind ..

Love, love changes everything..even the things we don't like we are willing to compromise and live with..and I did it all for that one unconditional love of my life..it was worth it..but would I do it all over again?
I need to be even blinder..putting on my extra-dark sunglasses and going to the beach to spectate..might catch some nice young toy-boys and have some serious unconditional fun...u gonna be there rock? Who knows..we could really compromise..don't like loud rock music but willing to put on ear-plugs..lol

whew...Maayan, what happened at that Malay wedding..you caught the romantic bug huh?
OOH..watching turtles crawl out of the sea to lay their eggs embedded in the sand....smooth warm sand against naked body under the mellow moonlight and gazing at the sky full of twinkling stars, counting the shooting stars as they whisk by...sipping coconut juice from the shell..whispering sweet nothings...such evocative memories..Maayan I am gettting my sarong and joining you in July..Tioman, Langkawi, RAwa or Cherating? Mana pergi makan angin?? Anyone for a warm tropical rendevous under the sun???? Or just u and I maayan , we'll paint the town red...lol

Maslow said that when a need is satisfied it ceases to be important, but another one will take its place. Maybe that is the problem with relationships today - we are never satisfied, no matter how great we have it.

Why? Everyone has quirks. And let's expand this out to everyone, rather than being gender-sensitive and just saying "Why are WOMEN, etc, etc?"

The quirks, okay. Let's assume the person you were with previously had one or more characteristics that you didn't like. Let's consider the effect of "what you didn't like" on you. You say "there were things I didn't like" about him/her and you remember the effect(s) on you.

Then, out into the cold world you go to meet more people. And you do. Let's say you meet someone and none of those old bugbears from your previous insignificant other are there. BUT....(big "but"), there are other things you see in the person, characteristics that, well you might tolerate them. They may actually be insignificant things. But they are still things you don't like. AND....you remember the other things that you didn't like and you remember the effect(s).

Call it fear, I dunno. But what Z said about not seeing perfection bears some thought. So does Butter's statement about being wiser for the experience, and Fun's statement about standards. And Mandalay pretty much goes yard with his opinion, I do concur. Bottom line: being unable to find a happy medium between all these is what keeps us from envisioning everyday life with someone, big step that it is.

Z,,, well I married him because I was in Love, and very young, and not full of life's experiences yet. I wasnt taught the things that I taught my daughter to look out for, I was raised in a family of 9 children, My father a Cop. they didnt take the time to teach us anything about how to choose a mate, I had 6 older brothers, by the time they got to me and my sisters, they were exhausted, and too mean and hateful to each other to teach anything to anyone. My mother died when I was 16, But my point was that woman are different now. we have learned how to take care ou ourselves, we are able to teach that to out daughters, so they dont fall into the same traps that our age group fell into, and our mothers did as well.

Yes I married him, Love is Blind,,especially when you are 21, but I dont regret anything in my life, I have 2 fantastic kids, who have grown into very smart educated adults.Im not at all bitter about that man, or that marriage, i came out a much wiser woman, and for the first time in my life I really know what i want, and am able to wait for it..Im very patient.

well..some women choose not to settle..in that they love different men for different reasons, they have a varying diet of tastes and flavors and they have not found all of what they are looking in one single package..so while that perfect package has not been found,, she thinks it is great to read all the books in the library..why stick to one good book when u could have an entire library to amuse , entertain and inform...
also Cupid might run out of arrows for some..or the moving target is hard to aim at..u need to be a real sharpshooter and Cupid is growing old , shooting arrows ain't trendy today ..
I could think of a million reasons why some women won't settle for second best or compromise especially when they have seen what marriage does not promise..

Good looks are nice; accomplishments and intelligence are great; but what really matters the most over the long term and is necessary for real lasting love is character, honesty, ethics, morals, and 50 other "good human" qualities. As you get smarter about relationships, you realize this, and avoid people that do not have these "good human" qualities. This site has a typical representative mix of people and you just have to figure out what is most important to you at your maturity level.

However, just a little warning. Eventually, "good human" qualities with far outweight all other qualities, so you may be changing bed partners a lot until you realize this. It's one out of a million that has it all, so you have to decide what is most important and if you will live long enough to meet that one out of a million.

To me, it's not just the women but the men as well. There are many men on this site, in the same age range as you described but haven't found the right woman yet.

Settling down with someone in my eyes is just that, settling. Many people have certain criteria that are a "must." I know I certainly have them and I'm sure you do as well. Does it make us picky? Probably so, yes. I'd rather be extremely picky in a potential mate and have that person have the qualities I am looking for than someone who only has 75% of those qualities. The key is to communicate those must have qualities and keep an open mind. Some of the women you describe just may be someone you'd like to date once you find out more about them.

When you say, "they seem to have higher than average expectations for men.", I would disagree with that. I know I have very high expectations about someone's character and personality going into something. Physical attributes are just that, physical. Physical attraction only gets you so far, it's what's beneath that surface is what matters most to me. Show me intelligence, class, dignity, grace, humor and especially trust, the beauty of the individual shines even more brightly.

To me, it's not just the women but the men as well. There are many men on this site, in the same age range as you described but haven't found the right woman yet.

Settling down with someone in my eyes is just that, settling. Many people have certain criteria that are a "must." I know I certainly have them and I'm sure you do as well. Does it make us picky? Probably so, yes. I'd rather be extremely picky in a potential mate and have that person have the qualities I am looking for than someone who only has 75% of those qualities. The key is to communicate those must have qualities and keep an open mind. Some of the women you describe just may be someone you'd like to date once you find out more about them.

When you say, "they seem to have higher than average expectations for men.", I would disagree with that. I know I have very high expectations about someone's character and personality going into something. Physical attributes are just that, physical. Physical attraction only gets you so far, it's what's beneath that surface is what matters most to me. Show me intelligence, class, dignity, grace, humor and especially trust, the beauty of the individual shines even more brightly.