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Friday, October 1, 2010

here i am sitting in a local coffee shop (probably THE ONLY local coffee shop - I live in UT, you know...) waiting for yet another (surely) darling girl to come meet me here, and I have a moment to reflect.is this my life?
here i am, about to hire an assistant.
someone employed by me.
little old me.
for my business.
that i started all on my own with a hope and a prayer.
because we were so broke i didn't know what else to do.
and as i sit here, i wonder... whose life is this?
did you know that most of my life i thought i was going to be a teacher?
did you know that i was so passionate about teaching and was certain there was nothing else that could make me feel so fulfilled?
did you know that when i was first married i wanted nothing more in the world than to be a mom and nothing else? i longed for babies, babies, and more babies. and when babies didn't come, i had to make new plans.
did you know that when babies finally came, i wanted nothing more than to be able to stay at home with my babies and not worry about a single thing other than whether to play with blocks or cars?
did you know that life NEVER goes according to plan? (at least not MY life.)
as i look back on that windy, turbulent, beautiful road i have walked down, i don't regret a single step.
sure, my life is crazy busy. sure, there are days when i want to give up and crawl into a hole. or at least crawl back into bed and lock the door and hope that someone else will show up to change the diapers and referee the boys and answer emails and clean the house. but right now, in this local coffee shop with free wifi (thank you!), i feel so blessed.
i strongly believe that God knows what He is doing with me.He created the world. and He is creating me.
as stubborn as i am, and as much as i think my way is best, He knows better, and shows me.
i never would have planned to be supporting my husband through school at age 30.
i never would have planned to have my own business and make a living out of silly fabric flowers.
i never would have planned to be here at a local coffee shop in search of a mini-me to help tackle the ever increasing business that is growing before me.
but God has wanted to teach me humilty.
He has wanted to teach me perseverance and determination.
He has wanted me to learn to be a mother with a kind and appreciative heart.
He has wanted me to learn to be a wife that is supportive of her husband even when the road seems long and dark.
He has wanted me to find out more about ME. to give more of ME. to be who HE knows i am.

I love reading this & hearing of your success. I'm just in the beginning stages of starting my own handmade business, & I have no idea where it will go, but I know that it's something I've wanted to do for years, & am finally just beginning to feel the least bit prepared(the LEAST bit- not at all completely!). I hope to enjoy & experience it- to get out of it what God wants me to learn. I don't want to rush it(like I'm so proned to do), but just to let it roll in His timing, even if it means that it ends. I will most definitely be coming back here to read of your journey- especially the supporting your hubby through school. I'll be walking that road next year & am terrified, but I know that we'll survive. :) Thanks, Jessica, for sharing...

I love this post. Sometimes when I reflect on my life it's the same feeling that you have--wonder, awe, gratitude. Some things (most things) come as a surprise and aren't planned, but I've learned that those are the BEST things. In my life I've learned the most from the things that are not in my control. Becoming who God wants us to be is a lifelong process. Reminds me of Philippians 1:6. I just became a follower of your blog, and I'm so glad I did :) (Good luck selecting an assistant.)

I just love you Jess. I love how you write what you are feeling, and it comes out so perfect! You ARE a teacher, your students are just different than who you thought they'd be. Heather is in 6th grade now, and I know that everything I studied has enabled me to be her mother. I was meant to be her mother, and she needed an advocated who'd been inside the public school system. Jenna is a student of a different cloth. I didn't have to go to school to learn how to raise her, but I had to study and learn about myself before I could effectively parent her. It's all a part of His plan. You are SO right on that one. You are the most important teacher your boys will ever have. You didn't let go of a dream, you'll just be fulfilling it in a different way. xoxo

That is a beautiful post! I often sit and think of all the ways that my life hasn't gone according to my plans, but thankfully if we let God take control it is a much bigger and more elaborate plan than we would ever think of. The hard times really do make you the person God wants you to be. What a blessing to read of your "Cinderella" story :)

an assistant!!! i want to be your assistant. i'm pretty sure i've said that from day one. you are incredibly talented, jess. i'm SO happy for you & all your success. i also believe i said from day one that you should start you're own business. i just knew you had it in you & that people would love whatever you decided to create. just remember me when you're famous, will ya? thanks. ;) love ya!