Despite this being the Year of the Tauren, it is now clear that Blizzards has claimed the sacrificial lamb goat as the metaphorical totem animal of warriors. This may confuse those of you who are unfamiliar with our horned friends. I too was ignorant until I took a brief moment with the internet to uncover these important revelations of why our blue texted overlords chose to bless us with this most unusual of animals!

Goats establish dominance in their herds by butting heads. This can serve as a model for identifying the main tank of your raid. Assure your friendly fellow tanks, those Paladins, Death Knights, and Druids, that this is a perfectly harmless activity that will sort out all those pesky questions about who tanks what. It won’t hurt them to loose a few brain cells anyway – what harm has it done to you?

Goats are leading source of dairy products and produce between 2-3 quarts of milk per day. It is appropriate then that warriors should now carry sufficient cheese and milk products with them in case their traveling companions should become hungry. Be careful, however, as certain gnomes are known to fancy dairy products for their suspected properties as an aphrodisiac.

Wattles are the name for the beard-like tuft of fur that hangs off of a goat’s chin. Not all goats have Wattles, but it might serve to distinguish warriors if we were to all adopt goatees. This might be something of a problem for those of us who have trouble growing facial hair, but I have heard certain applications of gnomish engineering have produced suitable results.

Goats have an important dietary role going back thousands of years. Goats were considered Kosher and often slaughtered for honored guests; an important fact to consider next time you die because of the actions of puggers in your party. Instead of getting angry, reflect on this as your part in a long goat tradition.

Goats are one of the animals in the Chinese Zodiac. Consider that goats are reportedly known for being shy, introverted, creative, and perfectionist. If you’re not already passive aggressive, now may be the time to seize your inner goat by the horns and ride.

And Lastly, Goats are traditionally associated with sex and devil worship in Western Culture. This widely known fact will easily explain why the new four piece set bonus for Warrior Tier 8 will be a random proc that will transform you into a giant goat-headed sex god/goddess who will lead your raids in a Maenad-like mad drunken pillage of Ulduar shouting “Ia Ia Yog-Saron!”

So, in anticipation of the comming sheep jokes, strut those shoulders and proclain loudly and proudly your goat status with these helpful tips.

Axiom feels like it is once again at the point where things are being farmed, even Sartharion 3D has started dropping for us with some regularity. This pretty much means that, ludicrous lag and disconnects non-withstanding, we own all content.

And that means we have some amount of focus on what comes next – namely Ulduar.

Now that we’ve been exposed to some spoilers I am really starting to psyched. I love norse mythology, and it seems like the Vault of the Titans is just going to be loaded with good old viking inspired lore. But because so much is still unknown at the moment, there is an incentive to speculate and hope for things out of a new raid instance.

So, without further ado, here is The List of things I hope Blizzard does with the new content: Continue reading →