(Editor’s Note: Doc’s creation is rooted in a recent health scare. Now on the road to recovery, Doc is using the wake-up call created by his health issue to improve his lifestyle choices and, equally important, his choices on how he lives his life. Enjoy!)

ESSAY: FINDING YOUR WAY WHEN YOUR WORLD FALLS APART

As i left the hospital, after major heart trauma, i knew that my life was going to be different. Not only was i facing lifestyle choices, but also facing the possibility of shifting my identity and story that i have long grown into.

I thought a bit as i was leaving, about how war has done this to people and families in even more dramatic ways, where their homes and their lives are completely disrupted and without a penny to their name, they must move to a place that is neither welcoming of their coming, nor has systems in place to support the most vulnerable.

The tactical aspects of surviving can be all consuming at this point, and yet, we are always confronted with questions of values and beliefs that define our path.

It is then, we discover what are true values are…not just our thoughts, but the values of our actions. Do we choose to love when we have been hurt and/rejected? Do we choose to find simple pleasures of a beautiful world, even when the ugliness of our world rears it’s head? Do we seek to honor what is holy and sacred in our community, despite the lack of sanctity that we experience during times of transition?

To answer the question “how do we do this?”, we must first say “yes” to a path. The storm path is often a harder road, but for most of us, it is the right road.

Then we start with gratitude. Despite not having money, despite all the hurt, despite the craziness of the world around you, what are you most grateful for? It doesn’t have to be a long list. It can be one small thing, that is built around love and light in your world.

Next you invite others, not so much into your suffering, but into your joy. This will become like a love-virus, it will infect people around you to want to take the highest road. It will make them want to hang out with you, not because they feel sorry for you, but because they genuinely love to hang out with you.

Lastly, you will offer your gifts and talents at least 50 percent of the time for free. Make sure that at least half your life is not about transactions, but about service and love.

Have i personally arrived at this point in my life…HELL NO. But if you ask me what my work is, i will tell you this is my job, which of course is not the answer most people are looking for.

My work is to be grateful, to invite, to love through my actions. Choose this path and your life may not be easy, but in those defining moments, it will be truly be filled with love and light.

DEFINING MOMENTS

Defining moments
when that sharp axe falls
and cleaves your world apart

you can go many directions
you can try and retreat
but in truth you know you need a brand new start

so you take the most direct route
directly into the storm
logic thrown to the wolves, wherein your trust your beating heart

and something funny begins to happen
you realize you are very much alive
and your no longer need a big cart

to carry around,
those burdens that have gone down
to play your purpose and part

I lost my oldest (and last) brother on June 13. His death saddens me and makes me realize that we are only here for a season. I rejoice in knowing that he is no longer suffering, depressed or in pain; however, there still is a void. His passing has me considering what makes up a good life.

Last week I had a business trip to Orlando, Florida. As beautiful as Florida is, my mind was focused on my brother’s death. I had to push through and make the best of the trip. “One step at a time,” I kept telling myself. I knew once I returned home, I would have to attend my brother’s homegoing service.

Realizing the Passage of Time

As I travelled back home and looked at the beautiful blue sky and clouds, I could not help but think of my loved ones who have gone home to be with our Heavenly Father and wonder what they are doing up there. The great memories of my mother, father, brothers and many other relatives remind me that life really is short and we should not take another day for granted. We should live our lives to the fullest.

So how can we create a good life? We should smile more, be kind to one another. As I walked through the airport, I made it a point to smile at everyone that I could; it just felt good. God has given me another chance to get it right, to make a difference. It’s not all about me anyway. My brother’s death reminds me that I am not here to judge or criticize; instead, I need to have more love, compassion and kindness.

I also know that I need to continue to commit to regular self-care. Fortunately, I feel physically, mentally and spiritually strong. I’m thankful that my health continues to be good and that at the age of 60, I feel well. Still, I make sure that I eat a healthy diet (80% of the time) and work out 3-4 times per week.

Live Life Today

So my message in the wake of my brother’s funeral is to remind you to live life as if there is no tomorrow. Do things in moderation, take care of yourself, and trust and believe in your higher power. Don’t live as if there is no hope. Take time to really get to know who you are and what you stand for. At the end of the day, it’s about being grateful for what you have and not worrying about what you do not have. Trust me — your situation could be worse.

Always seek Peace. Life is challenging and people everywhere are looking for peace. God helps me balance things each day. He has bigger and better plans for us, more than we can ever imagine!

In 2015, I found myself regularly channeling my inner toddler. “No” became my common response to a variety of queries after several years full of stressful life events. Surprisingly, I found this approach was counterintuitively the best way to get back to “Yes” – and a feeling that life’s possibilities were beginning to bloom again at middle age.

Awash in the Tsunami of Life

Let me set the stage for you. In 2014, I declared that my yearly intention was going to be one of “Completion and Conclusion.” I was determined to finish my dissertation that year since I was reaching the final deadline before getting kicked out of the program. In addition, my elderly father was living with me and I was trying to help him shed the overwhelming number of possessions sitting idly in the storage facility that he was having trouble releasing. The tip of the iceberg of Dad’s possessions was my deceased mother’s stash of 80-plus large tubs of fabric. In late 2013 thanks to the help of a number of friends, we managed to sell most of it.

A small portion of Mom’s fabric stash

I really thought I had a handle on what 2014 would look like and could juggle those priorities until two things happened in late spring – (1) my increasingly frail father ended up in the hospital for 47 days following emergency surgery; and (2) my doctoral chair left the country and I couldn’t reach her for almost four months. I ended up finishing much of my 200-plus-page dissertation over a three-week period with little sleep while worrying that my father – who was in a rehabilitation facility at this point — was going to end up back in the hospital with more life-threatening issues.

Fortunately, Dad remained healthy for that period and I successfully defended my dissertation on the last day possible. Needless to say, each of these stressors would have been a challenge to handle separately; however, the combination was an overwhelming tsunami of stress.

Learning to Finally Say “No”

I entered 2015 depleted mentally, emotionally and physically so I decided that my intention for the year would be “health” in all its permutations. To do that, I realized that I needed to strip down my life to the bare minimum – basically to do a life renovation.

To achieve that, I started really contemplating what I wanted my life to look like going forward. I also started taking my schedule down to the studs by saying “No, thank you” more often. When a question was asked or an opportunity presented itself, I would take time before I answered so I could listen to my heart, instead of my overactive mind. I’d wait patiently to see whether the offer truly sparked joy for me and if I really wanted to make that commitment, as opposed to going because it was expected of me. Fairly often, I found myself politely answering “No, thank you” in response to questions such as “Dorian, do you want to serve on the coordinating committee for this event?” or “Do you want to go kayaking?” or “Do you want to go to this play that you’ve seen three times before?”

The stucco buildings and blue skies of New Mexico

A Different Road to Saying “Yes, Please!”

Yet slowly but surely, I started hearing my own internal voice chime in periodically with “yes, please!” That little voice led me in unexpected ways to new opportunities that proved nourishing to my health and spirit. I decided to try a class in Sheng Zhen Gong, a moving meditation practice based on unconditional love. I agreed to go on a trip with a friend to Santa Fe, NM, which is where the concept for this website was born. I also committed to a 21-day clean eating program that led me to adopt a much more satisfying and healthier diet.

I believe the word “No” gets a bad rap sometimes. I’ve learned that listening to your heart and then turning down opportunities that don’t truly mesh with your vision for your life can actually be life-affirming. And trust me – saying “no” to one opportunity doesn’t close down your options because another door will eventually open somewhere else. That door may lead you to something that helps you regain your zest for life and flourish.

How will you protect your brain health as you age? I recently had a discussion about that topic with a friend who is in her 60s and has a family history of dementia. She told me that she works the New York Times crossword puzzle daily to exercise her gray matter.

Crosswords are good, but they aren’t the “be all and end all” as far as brain health. In fact, I personally believe the best way to encourage brain health is to consider a mental exercise program that parallels the various components — cardiovascular exercise, strength exercise, flexibility exercise and balance exercise — we’re encouraged to do for physical health. That way, you exercise more areas of your brain. And researchers are finding that our brains can continue to develop as we age.

Brain Exercise

What we all need to strive for is “neuroplasticity.” That term describes how the brain is able to reorganize itself by creating new neural connections and changing its chemistry. These changes occur when we learn something new or experience new situations and changes in our environment. The new connections are important because we’re building mental reserves that will serve us well as we age.

Image courtesy of Puntificate.com

Canadian neuropsychologist Donald Hebb cleverly said, “Neurons that fire together wire together.” Thus, we need to remember that every feeling, thought, experience and physical sensation triggers the brain’s neural network. For example, the joy and wonder experienced while visiting a new place (complete with novel sights, smells, sounds, tastes, etc.) cause our brain’s neurons to reconfigure. That’s why we need to choose wisely and feed new experiences to our brain.

So back to my friend. While she (rightfully) should be proud about her success rate in solving the crossword puzzles, I would argue that she’s not getting a huge boost in brain health because she’s a former high school English teacher. Therefore, she’s using the same part of her brain. However, she also is learning new strokes in her weekly swimming classes. It’s the novelty of these movements that will cause her brain to build new neural pathways.

Brain Drain

We are not guaranteed to have continual brain growth as we age. The researchers have a term for this, “negative plasticity.” This means our ability to learn and remember is hampered. Negative plasticity can happen because of short-term events such as being in a loud room or consuming too much alcohol. However, chronic stress and depression as well as extended bad habits can lead to long-term negative plasticity. Therefore, it’s important to be careful about what experiences to include in daily life.

4 Steps to Build Your Brain Health

There are many ways to improve your brain’s resilience. Here are some to try:

Move your body. Physical exercise – especially the kind that builds your cardiovascular capacity — is great for brain health. Other activities such as yoga and qigong can help promote mindfulness as well as physical flexibility and strength.

Practice mindful attention. While I just mentioned yoga and qigong as ways to promote mindfulness, you might also consider developing a regular meditation practice. This practice can help your brain to focus and tune out the chatter of modern life. There are a number of wonderful apps that can help. In addition, Deepak Chopra and Oprah Winfrey regularly host a free 21-day meditation experience. I’ve found these experiences to be really helpful.

Seek out new experiences and adventures. Always relying on your old hobbies and interests won’t help build those neural connections to your brain. Get away from continually doing what you’ve already mastered. Be open to trying new things.

Try to find and embrace more positive experiences. Changes in your brain structure are activated based on where you place your attention. Initial changes are temporary unless something engages your brain enough to “save” it. Remember that brain plasticity is a two-way street. Positive plasticity based on new experiences causes the brain to strengthen its connections. Bad habits lead to negative plasticity.

Brain health all comes back to choosing your experiences wisely. By staying active and engaged, we all can continue to build the brain’s resilience as we age!

Have you surprised yourself recently by trying something new? I have — and I’m really proud of myself. My adventure – going kayaking for the first time – goes against the cultural stereotypes that suggest that people my age are happiest when interacting with their grandchildren and pursuing sedentary hobbies.

My adventure happened during my recent trip to Montana. My friend, Kaye, created our week-long itinerary based on her own exploration of her new home state (more on our adventures in future posts). Kaye loves being outdoors and is finding all sorts of new ways to enjoy nature. She wanted to share her passion for her adopted state with me during my visit – and that included kayaking.

Overcoming Initial Reluctance

My first attempt at kayaking

It’s not the first time that someone has tried to get me to go kayaking. I have several friends who have invited me to try this activity over the past few years. I always declined, citing several reasons. The primary reason is that I’m not too fond of water. I had a bad experience as a young child when my mother had to fish me out of the deep end of a pool. While I can now swim, a few unsettling times dealing with ocean currents reinforced my distrust of large bodies of water. I have come to embrace being a land-lubber.

So what made this time different? I believe several things helped me work up the gumption. First of all, Lake Como was really low during my visit so you could actually see the bottom of the lake as you got the closer to shore. I was wearing a life vest, which (obviously) helped. And Kaye was a relative newcomer to the activity so she understood how to coach me through the process.

We stayed out on the lake for about an hour. It was glorious looking at the scenery’s reflection off the water and to enjoy the fresh, crisp air. Kayaking also proved to be challenging (in a good way). I had to get used to paddling and dealing with currents and wind. It took a while to figure out how to steer and paddle effectively. I thought my arms and shoulders would be very sore after kayaking, but that didn’t prove to be the case.

Lessons Learned

Kayaking made me feel like a novice, but I also really appreciated that this experience allowed me to regain the sense of wonder that I had as a child when undertaking a new adventure. Will I go kayaking again? Maybe. I didn’t absolutely love it, but I now see its appeal as a way to spend time with friends while being active.

However, what I also learned that day was that I need to say “yes” more often to new adventures and find ways to seek them out regularly. I also need to ignore the cultural cues that suggest that new active experiences are only for the younger generation. Here’s to new adventures!

Have you ever noticed that your cravings for food change with the seasons?

I started realizing this quirk in my 30s when I longed for heavier “comfort” foods – casseroles, enchiladas, creamy pasta dishes – during those long winter nights (even though I live in Texas and we don’t have the freezing temperatures that other people face). But when spring dawns and we start to enjoy more daylight, I find myself putting away my casserole pans and longing for the farm’s diverse bounty.

For instance, this morning’s breakfast consisted of a bowl of blueberries, raspberries, blackberries and strawberries. For me, those fresh, sweet tastes herald the onset of spring, when nature’s beautiful greenery and friendly flowers emerge from winter hibernation.

Besides being tasty, berries offer a tremendous nutritional boost to your health. A small study published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition found that middle-age participants who ate a daily cup of mixed berries over an eight-week period enjoyed improved levels of HDL (the good) cholesterol and lower blood pressure. Researchers believe that these improvements are due to berries’ polyphenols, a broad class of health-promoting plant compounds that also may protect bone density as we age.

The George Mateljan Foundation also offers praise for berries’ health properties. For instance, a one-cup serving of strawberries is an excellent source of vitamin C and a good source of fiber and manganese. This fruit offers cardiovascular benefits and helps fight cancer and lower high blood pressure. Blueberries have one of the largest antioxidant capacities of any type of produce; these berries protect the brain and nervous system. Raspberries are a good source of vitamin C, manganese and fiber; this fruit helps fight cancer and also may assist with the management of obesity.

In a salute to berries, I thought it was appropriate to share one of my favorite mixed berry dessert recipes in this edition of Weekend Wonderings. When I originally saw the recipe by Mark Bittman, I turned up my nose thinking about the combination of balsamic vinegar, berries and pepper. However, my culinary adventurer took over and it’s now one of my favorite recipes that’s also easy and quick to pull together.

It’s the weekend – and you’re ready to start following your curiosity! Just in time, here are your Weekend Wonderings:

What unexpected challenges may you face when learning something? This podcast focuses on just that subject. Monika Blackwell took a course on creating a podcast. However, she found that she had an expected twist in producing the story that was a course requirement. The focus of her story – a rooster named Buster Keaton, who had his own Facebook page – died. So how did she deal with this unexpected challenge? This short podcast describes Monika’s experience and also introduces you to Buster’s owner, Cheryl Geller.

Have you thought about embracing a skill or hobby that you once did earlier in life? Marilyn Bell did. She was a renowned distance swimmer in her youth, but health issues in her 70s forced her out of the pool. However, a little luck put a new opportunity in Bell’s way and with some help from a trainer, she’s reformed her swimming stroke so she’s back in the water.

Do you love Downton Abbey and find yourself starting to mourn the end of the series? Why not go back and watch all of the seasons again? You can follow each segment up with Houston Public Media’s production, Manor of Speaking. This show provides an analysis of each segment as well as a history lesson that provides some context. Segments periodically include a guest star, such as musician Lyle Lovett or cookbook author Ina Garten. You’ll laugh, you’ll learn and you’ll never be bored.

Speaking of Ina Garten, have you tried her salmon with lentils? It’s quick, healthy and delicious!

It’s the weekend – and you’re ready to start following your curiosity! Just in time, here are your Weekend Wonderings:

It’s always fun to see a groundbreaking scientific finding crack open the boundaries on what we know. One of these findings was unveiled this week. Researchers were able to prove Albert Einstein’s theory about gravitational waves, thus offering new avenues for research into astronomy.

Some people are just obsessed with toilets. First piece of evidence: a recent report by CBS Sunday Morning on Japan’s high-tech toilets (including the Toto Museum, which offers a futuristic display of these contraptions). Then there’s the Toilet Seat Museum in San Antonio, TX. (And yes, this second museum is real – my friend, Kaye, and I actually visited and met founder Barney Smith!). Watch both videos and be flushed with happiness at these plumbing marvels!

Are you among the millions of people plagued by high cholesterol? Do you deal with it through watching your diet and exercising regularly (as well as taking cholesterol-lowering drugs)? It turns out that medical experts and researchers increasingly are suggesting that another lifestyle factor — stress — may be behind high cholesterol numbers.

Love movies with creepy and dystopian plots? The Man in the High Castle, available for streaming via Amazon, is just right for binge-watching this weekend. This series (which is based on a book by Philip K. Dick) offers a disquieting picture of what the United States might be like if the U.S. lost World War II. The nation is divided with the Nazis controlling the country east of the Rocky Mountains while Japan controls the western part of the nation. Hitler’s getting up in years and his health is declining. When he dies, people expect a power grab – and the uneasy peace between the Nazi and Japanese colonies is at risk. Even the opening credits featuring the song Edelweiss (which many people associate with The Sound of Music) will get the hair on the back of your neck rising. Oh, and you’ll never look at snow or waiting rooms in the same way again after watching it!

Sometimes a trip can not only bring you to a new place and offer new experiences, but also help you identify a different way to live life. That’s what happened to me in September 2015 when I went to Travaasa Austin, an experiential resort and spa.

First a little background – I’ve spent the past decade caregiving for elderly parents who have been in declining health while also working on my graduate degree. Things came to a head in fall 2014 when my father was hospitalized for about 60 days while I was trying to complete my dissertation on a tight timeline. By the time January 2015 rolled around, I was literally burned out physically, mentally, emotionally, creatively and spiritually.

Thankfully, one of my graduation presents was a gift card for a two-night stay at Travaasa. Because of my father’s health issues, I delayed my trip for much of 2015 but finally decided I needed to go before the gift card expired. I’m glad I did! I had somewhat rejuvenated during those nine months and could mindfully take in the experience (as opposed to just staying in bed the whole time, which I would have done in January).

Here’s what I learned from my short vacation:

The class schedule

There are always new experiences to try. One of the great things about Travaasa is the opportunity to pick from the many class offering. The resort categorizes their classes into adventure (such as bike tours, hatchet throwing, hiking, climbing wall, geocaching and zipline), fitness (such as mechanical bull riding, foam roller, bosu, Pilates and yoga), culture (such as wine tasting, two-step dancing, farm tour and belly dancing), wellness (such as meditation, tai chi, yoga stretch and life coaching) and culinary (such as mastering chocolate, juicing and homemade pasta). While archery and hatchet throwing did sound fun, I opted for experiences that I wanted to incorporate into my daily life. For instance, as I wrote in an earlier post, two Travaasa classes helped me experience the benefits of meditation. I also took a guided hike and a farm tour. I tried a kettlebell class, did tai chi and learned to use a foam roller. Upon returning home, I’ve started a regular meditation practice and am a regular at a Qigong class. I also started growing some vegetables in containers and look forward to further developing a green thumb.

Savor downtime.At one point, I looked at the schedule of classes I had created for myself and said, “Self, why do you want to be an over-achiever during these days? This is your vacation. Give yourself some down time.” I then headed to my room, grabbed a book and sat quietly on the porch that overlooked the Austin hill country.

Put down the smartphone. I always took my meals outdoors on the restaurant’s patio. It was such a glorious setting that I put down my smartphone and tuned into my senses. I found myself savoring the breeze and the sun, the bird calls, the sunsets and the flavors of the foods on my plate. I had been ignoring all of these wonderful sensory experiences in my daily life. I also found that I had more satisfying conversations with other solo travelers who I met at the resort.

The best meal that I had at Travaasa – the vegetable trio

Celebrate meals. The healthy menu — which changes regularly – is based on local food, much of it grown on Travaasa’s property. You regularly have choices of inspired dishes featuring beef, chicken, fish and game at dinner and equally amazing options at breakfast and lunch. However, I was surprised to realize that my favorite meal from my entire stay at the resort was a vegetable trio that included a beet cake, a sweet potato cake and a parsnip cake with corresponding sauces. Who knew that eating those vegetables could be so yummy?

Live graciously. I also appreciated the sense of graciousness and well-being that permeated the resort. Everyone – the front desk staff, the guy who drove me an to my room, the spa staff, the farmers, the maintenance staff and the instructors – had a warm and welcoming approach that encouraged you to not only enjoy your stay but to feel truly pampered and healthy. Everyone walked the grounds (except for an occasional golf cart) and bottles of water and inviting areas to sit and relax were available everywhere. I also noticed Travaasa’s appreciation for and interest in being in harmony with nature.

I left Travaasa with a desire to return for another stay and also the realization that I would like to create my own home as a mini-Travaasa. I want to live daily in a peaceful and caring sanctuary where the outside world falls away and nature is embraced. I haven’t totally made my home into that type of sanctuary, but thanks to Travaasa’s inspiration, I’m well on my way.

It’s the weekend – and time to start following your curiosity! Just in time, here’s your Weekend Wonderings for the Yuletide:

December 21 marked the Winter Solstice. A friend shared this thought-provoking article on marking this transition period and I enjoyed it so much, I wanted to share it with you. This article has spurred me to think about adding some new traditions to my life and it might do the same for you!

Speaking of traditions, this CBS Sunday Morning story about the Choir of New College Oxford, which has been in existence for more than 600 years.

Do you want to embrace your creativity in 2016 but are struggling with how to proceed? Leave it to author Elizabeth Gilbert to offer some wise advice in her podcast, Magic Lessons with Elizabeth Gilbert. The 12 thought-provoking shows feature people who are struggling with their creativity as well as experts Brene Brown, Ann Patchett and Rob Bell. You can listen through SoundCloud, iTunes or Stitcher Radio.

Do you or a loved one live with chronic pain? It turns out that acupuncture may help your issue, according to this article by Dr. Christina Lasich.

Craving a nice cup of chai tea? Here’s a wonderful recipe, courtesy of Savory Spice Shop, that makes plenty and can be served hot or cold.

Are you in need of a good dose of the Christmas spirit, but don’t want to watch Frosty the Snowman? Try watching Joyeux Noel, a 2005 French film about the unofficial truce that was called on Christmas during World War I. You can stream it on YouTube, iTunes, Google Play and Amazon Video or get the DVDs from Netflix.