Dressed for Sex-less

Culture dictates that women dress all sexy-like to tantalize and entice their men when they’re headed to bed. The fellas? Not so much.

I’m jealous of women for one thing…

…OK, that’s not true. I’m jealous about a lot of things, like the whole multiple orgasm stuff that I can’t experience, the short (sometimes non-existent) refractory period after sex, the hotline that exists between so many women’s nipples and the delicious zone between their thighs, self-lubrication…

I should stop now; it’s depressing me.

But what has me jealous at the moment is the lack of attention to sexy attire for men—specifically, sleepwear and pre-sex tease-you-and-make-you-hot wear (because I know that there are plenty of things we can wear, from good pants and great shoes to tuxedoes and more that will make you ladies melt when we’re in public).

I don’t just mean the lack of available sexy clothing options for men (which is rampant, unless you’re into BDSM-wear and have a good stockpile of cash for leather and latex) but also the lack of a culture. It’s like mean aren’t expected to try to look sexy when they head for the bedroom or want to lure a woman into bed and we’re almost dissuaded from even considering such things.

Every so often—which is to say, probably a couple times a month and sometimes more—my wife will look at the attire I wear to bed (usually some pajama bottoms and a T-shirt) and shake her head, or make some light-hearted mildly sarcastic comment about “Don’t you look sexy,” or otherwise make note of the fact that my attire is totally utilitarian and in no way arousing. She’s just teasing, but at the same time, I can sense the undercurrent of “I want more.”

This isn’t to say that she always goes to bed with something silky and desire-inspiring—she often doesn’t. But sometimes she does. And that larger point is that she can.

Unlike me.

I’d like to be able to “dress up” for her. I really would, whether to set the mood for a night of passion or simply to spoon her and have her sigh at the feel of my bedclothes as well as the warmth and solidity of my arms around her and my chest cupping her back.

I even ask her sometimes, “Is there something I could buy to wear that you’d like better?”

But she doesn’t have an answer.

You know why?

First, because there really aren’t many options.

Second, because as a society we haven’t trained women to think that their men should go to bed sexy-looking sometimes. Men haven’t been called upon to do any primping for their women except to look moderately good when out on a date, and women haven’t been encouraged to challenge their men to do so.

Ergo, there is no industry around us men like there is with the women.

I’m not saying that I want men’s undergarment sections to be as large as women’s, nor do I think online stores need to be stocked as much for men as for women. But I’d like more choice than there is, and less focus on bland and boring, with the most comfortable option being some soft Jersey cotton or fleece PJ bottoms.

I do what I can to not look like a complete vanilla doofus or frumpy old guy. I have some funky PJ bottoms that I usually wear, and a halfway cool looking fleece pair for colder nights, but then all I have for the top are my T-shirts that are no longer entirely suitable for outdoor wear, because of a random hole or whatnot.

And yet my wife can choose from silky nightgowns or lacy teddies and much, much more.

I’m not saying I want silky and lacy—not that I’m against it either—but why isn’t there something to make me look sexy to her and feel sexy, in a manly or even gender-neutral way?

I’ve considered getting a couple sets of coordinated silk pajama tops/bottoms, but frankly, when I look at them they just look old-fashioned and silly. I’d feel more like an old man or Hugh Heffner wannabe if I put those on.

I’m sure a pair of soft leather or latex shorts could be cool to spark a mood, but even when I get the money for something like that, and even if I decided to wear them to bed—and I’d like to at times—what do I pair them with up on top that isn’t going to be silly (a T-shirt?) or uncomfortable (a black mesh shirt might look nice, but I think it would be awfully scratchy against my wife’s skin and my own overnight)?

And when I go online at times, looking for male sexy-wear or attractive sleepwear, I don’t really see much in the way of selection. I have so little to choose from that it’s downright demoralizing. So much of it is either tacky looking or cheap quality or just so locked into a few styles that I don’t get inspired to buy anything. I’m sure many of the options out there appeal to some guys and their ladies, but I feel like only to a small subset.

So, we’re left looking like we don’t care to look nice in the bedroom and the industry continues to leave us with too few options to inspire our women or ourselves.

I know that culturally, the onus has been on women to primp (makeup, perfume, lotion, undergarments, sexy outerwear, etc.) but dammit I want to look hot, too. And when my options are frumpy coordinated PJs and “role play” sex costumes that mostly just look silly (really, I have yet to see an erotic costume for a guy that wasn’t BDSM-related and looked like anything other than a cheap Halloween costume)…well, it just makes me sad, and forces me to slip into the PJ bottoms and T-shirt yet again.

I could have written this article...in the sense that I've had the same wish for a very long time, and the same kind of conversation with my wife. And I'll add something, too: If there were something for men to wear to bed that was more enticing, maybe it'd help take the pressure off women to feel like they've got to do it because they're the only ones who can do such a thing.

I haven't had a chance to ever watch "How I Met Your Mother," but I did an image search for Barney Stinson and pajamas and I am morbidly impressed with the suitjammies. However, I think we'd need the Stinson personality to pull them off.

I have to say I agree that boxers don't cut it...though silk boxers are at least a small step in the right direction.

07/15/2012

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I'm a professional writer (journalism) with a passion for writing fiction and commentary (be it sexual, political or spiritual) in both my Smokedawg identity and my "real" identity online. I have several blogs, the ones attached to my Smokedawg identity being at http://betterwithsmoke.com/ ...as you might figure, my major kinks involve smoking (although two of the blogs linked to from the site above aren't smoking specific...granted, they also have less content), but I have a lot of other interests as well and know about way more fetishes than I actually care (or have time) to practice. And since I can't do them all, I try to mix as many of them as possible into my erotic short stories.