Sunday, November 30

I'm dancing in the mobe, spinning some Christmas tunes, hugging perfect strangers...Why! I'm not in retail!!!

For almost 20 years of my life I couldn't truly relax on Thanksgiving. I knew that within hours of my head hitting the pillow my dreadful alarm would jolt me awake. Starting my intro vinous coffee drip, I would find the most comfortable heels and festive suit while cursing that jolly old St.Nick.

It's the dead of the night and I'm driving to work. After parking a half mile away, I make my way into the store. Signs start flying, the sick line is ringing...where the (bleep) are those little elves. One final pep talk to 80 cranky workers while anxious (somewhat obnoxious) customers start to bang on the door. Inevitably, one woman is pointing at her watch complaining that it reads 5:31. Moving cautiously to unlock the door I swiftly dodged the glazed eyed, elbow throwing...gotta have it customers.

12 hours later, with only a minute in my bed, I'm back at work to do it all over again. Merry Flipp'en Christmas!

(Either I am insane (doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results) or I am truly a retail, I hate to say it, junkie. The truth is I loved what I did. I just wanted a change.... You can take the girl out of retail but you can not take the retail out of the girl.)

Now, here I sit wondering, just a little, what is going on in the retail world. What are the items that crazy people like my mom and sisters got up at 4:30 for...?Give me the down low, fill me in...what was it like on Black Friday? Did you get up early? Tell me about your experience.

*Have you checked out the Freebies,Give-a-Ways and Goof Stuff.* I added a few new items. Hold your horses....I am going to be starting a super-cala-fragalistic contest...very soon!

Thursday, November 27

Today, most of us will sit around the table passing the stuffing while eying the pies, looking forward to the comatose turkey nap. During the day thankful thoughts and special words will fill the room and those within.

A sigh of contentment and that special feeling within, will only come with hearing my nieces and nephews say, "Aunt Annie" or "Aunt Ann", will do, but certainly to follow is "I miss you".

Wednesday, November 26

Super, sassy, crafty Pay it Forward Gift...from Oh-so-cool Kate. Have you ever seen a more spectacular presentation? Buttons make everyone happy. Cute:D Cute:D Cute:DMy sister sent me fashion forward, girl power, luxury reading material. What a great surprise to see she cares enough to keep me well informed on the tres chic outside world of apparel. Perhaps she was worried I was getting to comfy in my Carhartts.It was the hand written note that melted my heart....my dad sent me mail. Peanuts for protein, jerky for my man and coffee to keep us going. I know he reads this blog but never posts a note so, Thank you Dad for being the very best father a girl could ever ask for.

Another quiet day at the lodge with a few travelers finding their way home through the mountains of Idaho. As the man in the suit sat down a wonderfully rich conversation filled the room. The two of us started to talk like old friends.

Mike has always been involved with the education system, as well as serving some time in the military. Now, he holds the superintendent position in the area. He told me his story: It was the late 70's somewhere in Oklahoma.

Putting on his tight red shorts (Ohhhh no!) and striped tube socks was the way he started every school day, as a gym teacher in a small town.

Within every school there are the jocks, the smarty pants, the socially challenged, the trouble makers and the kids that fell between the cracks. Toby was sitting in the office possibly for the last time. The principal was getting ready to kick him out of school just four weeks before graduation for fighting. Mike made a deal and Toby was able to stay in school under his supervision. Mike knew Toby had potential, but school wasn't his thing. The kids inspired Mike to coach and teach, Toby was no exception. After four difficult weeks, as Toby crossed the stage, Mike knew that one positive pat on Toby's back might have made a difference in his life. He was right.

Toby Covel was always talking about this one teacher who changed his life. He wished he could tell him how much he appreciated what he did. After years of searching for Mike and finally finding him, Toby's wife and manager planned a special reunion. Less than a month ago, on election night, Toby was receiving the Will Rogers Spirit Award in Tulsa. Mike and his wife were invited to attend. It was a special reunion. A memory Mike will talk about for the rest of his life. Ultimately, this relationship will positively affect many kids. Mike is back in the school system for the same reasons as many years earlier.

Some years after school Toby started to go by the name of Toby Keith and made his way into the country music world. Today, he is still that tough and still a little naughty, hard headed kid from Oklahoma that Mike inspired to stay in school.

As Mike finished his omelet, our conversation came to an end I felt equally inspired to be a better person. There are a lot of Toby's out there never getting that chance in life. There are kids that grow up to be adults, never getting that encouragement, love or support that is needed. I have met a lot of people lately that could have used a "Mike" in their life. I can see them struggling and still looking, maybe even hoping that he/she is still out there. I hope I'm a "Mike" to someone in my lifetime. Don't you?

Tuesday, November 25

Monday, November 24

I am outwardly jealous of those who can knit and/or crochet. I long to sit by a crackling fire, the dog at my feet, soft music playing, sipping a hot toddy, home spun yarn in my lap and the delicate sound of my clicking needles.

Stomp the Ground. Punching fists in the air. Arg.

I have been staring at this misleading book my husband bought me two years ago. "Learn to Knit in Just One Day" Right, I think they left out a subtitle, "Unless your an Idiot and/or Left Handed". There's that left handed thing again. I am not even going to place the blame. I just can not knit...or crochet and it saddens me. Sigh. I then went on line to watch someone instruct the challenged. I even tried to have my grandma teach me. She laughed off my "silly" attempt. I am sure she thought I was just kidding, but I wasn't. The usual jokes were spewing from my lips to conceal the hidden disappointment in my skills. The light at the end of my tunnel doesn't have knitting needles and I just can not except it. I toss and turn through countless nightmares with taunting knitting needles and yarn.

I solved part of the problem Saturday. I went to a local Holiday Craft Show. The bestest (not a real word) part was that it was at my place of work. So, I got to spend 5 hours picking through, pining over and paying for my obsession. I secretly stalked Helga, one of the craft masters, as she chatted in her thick German accent to merry customers while crocheting. The room was full of cackling hens catching up with one another. I was filled with delight. "These are a few of my favorite things...."

By 4:00, I had emptied my pocket of "tip" money and purchased enough items to fill my backpack. Gleefully I began my trot home to the mobe. Once there, I wrapped my self in my new scarves (that's right plural) and hats. Not until beads of perspiration started to roll down my neck did I pull the garments off.

Now I sit here once again with that $#@&ing book in hand ready to face my short comings. I went to a motivational website to pump up my thoughts. I need that "can do" attitude.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it. W.C. Fields Ummmm, Mr. Fields that is not going to get me a handmade scarf.

On every thorn, delightful wisdom grows, in every rill a sweet instruction flows.Edward Young....right back at you Eddie! Now that's more like it....I'm off to stare at my book.

Friday, November 21

For some reason the less money I make the richer I feel. This should not be confused with a desire to live in a cardboard box, pushing a grocery cart around as eternal bliss. What I mean is.....we made a decision to attend grad school....in another country.....where they speak another language. Hmmmm. We understand that these might be the rough, not so smooth or easy years(Monetarily not love). I came to terms with the idea that when my husband finishes school I'm going to need some nips and tucks, perhaps a cane. (Ha.) It's important for a cougar to keep up with her Tom. (Name of a male cougar not my husband.)

Last year a little Betty C. and Martha came out in me. I became Betartha. The whole idea of shopping for groceries took on an entirely new meaning, i.e. Bargain Shopping. Now, I have done this for years with my clothing. No ooh icks from the audience. It has it's rewards and adventures. I'm not picking up used Disney sweatshirts with coffee stains. Last time I went I found Ralph Lauren, Patagonia and cute Gap items. They didn't have stains, holes or smell like mothballs. Anywho, I started price comparing, buying in bulk and day old-ing it. Not so creepy, right? I even utilized my pumpkins that were never carved by making soup and muffins. Yummy!

Through all of this I have come to realize that free food tastes better and cheaper items give me a little pep in my step. How does this relate to anything? It doesn't I just wanted to tell you....kidding.

It is the holiday season and I think everyone is feeling the pinch. I don't know about you, but when I open my mail box and there is package within, I am instantly a little happier. Even if it is a diaper sample from Pampers. I find a way to use the darn thing because it was sent to me...and it was free. With a little blog surfing I realized that there are a whole bunch of people out there who feel the same way. One super pretty and obviously talented lady won an amazing Poppy painting for writing a cool post.

Let's have some linking fun. Let's see who can score a new flashlight or knee socks.Most of the links you will have to look at the blog, read it and make a sincere comment. If you are like me, (I'm sorry if you are :D) I think it is fun to read what others have to say. Check it out daily... If you know of any let me know so I can spread the word. Links are in gadgets on the right: Freebies, Give-A-Ways and Good Stuff.

Thursday, November 20

Somewhere between exiting the womb and my first crayon I decided to take the road less traveled. Or, maybe it is because I carried the LRRMT1 gene. In 2007, this was the first gene linked to increased odds of being left-handed. I do know that I have struggled with scissors, three ring binders and just about every sport that requires hands. If you ask me directions I have to hold up both my hands, one makes the cute L, from that point I can navigate you just about anywhere. If you do not see me doing this it is because I've mastered the fine art of this hidden skill to alleviate snickers.

For those of you who know me I also have my left hand to blame for my mostly illegible, curly and slanted written words. Some say it is beautiful and artsy. The reality is, I do not like to lift my writing utensil off the paper once it hits causing this van Gogh-esque penmanship. Ultimately leading to "what does that say".....

I am 100% convinced that being left handed has caused me great distress and somewhat anti-social behavioral problems in Quebec City. You know how the French (French Canadian) kiss on both cheeks when greeting one another? On many (awful) occasions I have started in the wrong (or same) direction with my personal bubble busting acquaintance. I quickly (yet unsuccessfully) try to rectify the lip to lip traumatic encounter... to no avail. It's seriously awkward......Totalementembarrassant!

Here are some Left Hand facts:-Give or take a little, 13% of the population is left handed-Left hand means, "weak" or "broken" (Anglo-Saxton-"lyft")-With both of my parents being right-handed, there was on a 9% chance of having a lefty. They ended up with two. My oldest sister is also a lefty.-Party,Party....every August 13th it is International Left-handers Day. Raise a glass to us...with your left hand!

Wednesday, November 19

I have seen this on a few blogs and thought it would be fun to do. So, if you want to get to know me a little more then read away... Then, every Thursday I will talk a little bit about each one, in order.

100 Things about me...

1.I write with my left hand.2.I love my nieces and nephews more than words3.I only drink decaffeinated liquids4.I do not do tubular meat. e.g. hot dogs-pepperoni, it all freaks me out even though they say it isn't made with beaks and butts anymore.5.I like to use ….. a lot..................6.I had a dog name Albert and when he died I fell to my knees and cried. I still miss him.7.I told a lie and it saved my life.8.I can not leave the house without a bag or two or three...a lot of just in case items. 9.My grandpa's name is Oscar Meyer (see #4, ironic, eh)10.I love to take long drives in the car.11.My friend Mona is one of the nicest people I have ever met.12.I am really afraid of snakes.13.I have wanted a great dane for over 10 years....I'm still waiting.14.I use to be a very bad driver or really accident prone, however you want to look at it.15.I love getting pedicures...going to a spa.....16.I am a very indecisive person.17.I work really hard to have routines but it never works.18.I love cold pizza for breakfast.19.I fell in love with a mule name Burley.20.I was an assistant manager for a $20 million dollar store.21.I sleep on my stomach, side and back.22.I was the “unsung hero” for volunteering as a rape crisis, domestic violence advocate in MT.23.I have not eaten meat in over 7 years.24.I did the make-up for George Foreman, Larry Merchant, Jim Lampley, and Michael Buffer for a HBO boxing match.25.I would love to have a farm with a garden and animals.26.I have always wanted to own a B&B.27.I really do not like shopping. (Maybe bargain hunting here and there.)28.I love to see my sisters and brother laughing together, it's usually my brother doing something funny.29.I was at the home of the artist formally known as Prince, now Prince again, hanging on his electric gate when it started to open.30.I am a bad spelter, oops I mean speller.31.I love Hello Kitty.32.I really want to go to the Ellen DeGeneres show.33.Charles Barkley told me I had nice legs.34.I think canning is fun.35.I am jealous of people who know what they want to be when they grow up.36.I wish I could have braces again.37.I have the coolest 86 year old grandma who is more active than me. She lives by three C's: chocolate, cheese and Coca Cola.38.I am going through menopause and it sucks.39.I want to travel the world.40.I have to take a sleeping pill to sleep at night.41.I have ornate handwriting that is hardly legible. Nevertheless, I handwrite notes because I think they are important.42.I wear my heart on my sleeve ~I wish I didn't.43.I lived on a ranch in Montana and worked through three calving season. It was one of the best experiences in my life.44.I get migraines.45.I always have a fan on at night for the noise and because I am a hot sleeper.46.I was at a party with Hulk Hogan.47.I have a hard time going to bed with a dirty house. (especially dirty dishes)48.I listen to country music,R&B just about anything other than punk.49.I wish I had more hobbies.50.I do not like the spotlight....anymore.51.I wish I was thinner.52.I love maps.53.Every time I see a chipmunk I laugh. Just ask my husband....54.I do not desire to live in the south...55.I work really hard to see both sides of a story.56.I am obsessed with making sure the doors and windows are locked before going to bed.57.I like to purchase second hand clothing.58.I really dislike the song “Red, Red wine....”59.I like sectional couches and putting my feet on ottomans60.I like water over milk (do not like milk)61.I can not eat cheese without a cracker.62.I love the idea of school but hated going.63.I am not a good lier.64.I do not like to read out loud.65.I like to sing, in the shower, in the car, around the house....and dance. Not with a pole or on tables ;)66.Deep down I really want to trust people, but I struggle with it. (poopy people in my past.)67.I get sad that I do not fit in the mommy world...perhaps some day.68.I could eat Mexican food at least once a week.69.I wish I could go horse back riding everyday.70.I want to volunteer more in the US and overseas.71.For some reason I always look at the clock when it is 12:34 (1234)72.I often struggle with the noise of people eating around me. Like in the movie theater when everyone is eating popcorn, chomping, spit mixed with food thing....73.I spend a lot of time writing a book in my head.74.I am thankful for everyday that I get.75.I'm afraid to die. The whole subject creeps me out.76.I love animals.77.I wish I could remember “things” better. 78.Living in the mountains has made me a better person.79.I love to have candles lite throughout the house, all the time.80.I protested at a KKK rally.81.I love to send mail and get mail.82.I am the youngest of four.83.Family's the most important aspect of my life. 84.I'm an at home consultant for The Body Shop.85.I own Carhartt pants equipped with a knife and bear spray.86.My husband is 7 years younger than me. Yes, that makes me a cougar.87.I like to read the newspaper, but hate the inky residue on my fingers. It has the same effect as many experience with nails on the chalk board.88.I use to ride in a milk truck to get to school.89.I heart Neosporin.90.I am slowly learning French and quickly forgetting it.91.Sometimes when I am riding my bike to work I think I hear circus music...da da dada dada da da dada dada....because I feel like an elephant on a tricycle. 92.I love to drink club soda, sometimes I add a little white wine or fruit juice.93.I care what people think and I think if people say they don't they are not being truthful.94.I have not slept in my bed as of today for 97 days and I won't for another 46+ days. SIGH.95.I enjoy reading and watch movies.96.Mean people freak me out. (Not that I am angelic...)97.I like high heels but have been seen wearing “sensible shoes” lately.98.I am grateful for my parents love and support, through good times and bad.99.I don't use adjectives when I speak, but apparently my husband has learned 300 variations of the word “thing” or “thingy” and always knows what I am talking about.100.If you got this far then you know me better than most. :D

Tuesday, November 18

I was checking out other blogs and stumbled on this idea at From The Green Grass Grows All Around blog. I love the idea and want to keep it going.

Here is the deal - I will send a small gift (handmade or purchased), to the first three people who tell me that they are interested.The catch is that you then have to grab this picture and Pay It Forward on your blog!(right click)

Just a recap, the first three people to show interest will receive a little (but thoughtful) gift. Then those three people have to do the same on their blog. My friend would call this..."Good Mail". :D

Monday, November 17

I am laying in bed silently cursing at my sleeping husband for gifting me his cold. It feels like I've been snacking on sandpaper and someone filled my head up with water. With every sneeze I expect to see fluid spouting out every orifice of my head. I'm leaving out painful details of the Mack trucks that are illegally parked on my shoulders. Before Jaige fell asleep he wanted me to read him some stories from the blogging world. I suggested that we write a blog together... He started..."There once was a lovely wife", my turn,"who was hoping her husband would go to the bathroom and find her some sinus relief". As he walked to the bathroom I heard, "The End". He is sawing logs and I am spitting in a cup to alleviate the pain of swallowing.

Today, we went for a nice hike searching for elk 989. I put on my confident hat and started my strut through the woods. Using the telemetry unit, her signal (the elk) was taking us along a narrow ridge that quickly opened up into a maze of ponderosa pine. The trees were filled with chirping birds and the ground showed promising sign of wildlife. Poop. Foolishly, I even laid down, dangling my head over an edge that dropped down 30+ feet so we could take a "fun" picture. No, that was not my idea but if Jaige was willing to pose I was willing to get dirty. If it hadn't produced the most unflattering double chin image I would have proudly displayed the risk taking outcome....but no way. Just the thought of it makes me want to get out of bed to erase the pictures. Since I am making a conscious effort to document our excursions I am refraining from such actions. (And, I'm pretty comfortable.)

We decided to hike back to the truck and drive along one of my favorite, freakishly thin roads just wide enough for a super models catwalk. Never mind the fact that we were driving a truck that 140 models could fit in... I stayed focused on my week old, already read People magazine to avoid the raring of an anxiety attack. When we finally parked to "glass" the mountain side I grabbed my bag of Ann things.Glass: take binoculars, section out the land, s-l-o-w-l-y look for the animal.Bag of Ann things: bear spray,eye lash curler, mascara, pad of paper, glasses, miscellaneous reading material, mirror, Cliff bar, hand lotion, bronzer and a few knifes....

Together we sat side by side feeling the mountain breeze and the fall sun. I took that opportunity to read the typed sermons from my parents church. So close to heaven it seemed like the perfect place to read his words.

Saturday, November 15

Yesterday, the Nebraska legislature met to define the age for the safe haven law. The original law did not specify an age because it was "uncomfortable" to pick one. I'm sure they had no idea that parents with teens to tots would consider this as an option for them. Maybe they did...

What is this law? In the 1990's there was a growing problem with parents abandoning their unwanted babies. They would leave them places for others to find or not. To prevent this from continuing legislators created the safe haven law so the parents of unwanted children could safely and without criminal prosecution, leave their children at a "safe haven".

I'm not sure if I could put myself in the shoes of the parents and I damn sure couldn't imagine the abandonment, fear and sadness the child must feel. As an outsider looking on, I do not believe that the parent should be able have their kids back. Too much damage is done. Lock away the heart and throw away the key. Sad. The kids want to go back to their parents, wouldn't you? Think of it like an 8 year old....that's what you know. That's who you know.

Why are there only 6 child psychiatrists in the entire state of Nebraska? (Do I believe that number? I don't know.) Why do we have thousands of lawyers to choose from but only 6 professionals to work with children? Why does most insurance plans only cover 6 visits/year to a psychiatrist? I know first hand that spending $100.00 to sit for 15 minutes with a psychiatrist is an outlandish amount of money. I also know that if I need to see one I'll turn off my cell phone and take public transportation, I will make it happen. If it were for my child, I would beg, borrow and I hope it wouldn't lead to stealing, but I might. (Just an extreme example.)

I am not demonizing the parents. I truly want them to get help. We have no idea what has happened in their lives. Fact. It is a privilege to be a parent and once you make the decision to have a child that is your responsibility. Do we provide parent crisis outlets...beyond the bars? Have they exhausted every resource like a church, family, friends...? None of us can answer those questions.

Have you ever been to an adoption center website? It goes something like this:"Hi, we are Jane and John Doe. We are so excited to become parents through open adoption. We want to open our home and our hearts to love a child. Our nieces can not wait to have a playmate. We would love to hear from you. Please call us at...." Hummm....

Some people are dropping their kids off at a safe haven and some are praying or begging to have one. I guess all of us who want to have children and can't should consider moving to Nebraska. Maybe camping out at a hospital in hope of finally getting a child of our own to love.

The entire topic evokes so many emotions. Ultimately, I feel for the children. I have used poor judgment, made mistake after mistake but I always knew my parents where there for me. Even without words (and sometimes to mad to speak,I'm sure) I knew my parent would never abandon me or stop loving me. I knew I would never be dropped off at a safe haven.

Thursday, November 13

I haven't been to my mailbox for a few days and much to my surprise I had two packages.

One package was from a friend in Missoula, MT who I talk to via email and postcards. I think she is the only person I know that uses postcards and for that reason alone makes her special. We worked together at a publishing company. She is a very talented lady with a big heart. Whenever I see a post card in the mailbox it brings a smile to my face...it's always nice to receive news from a friend.

The other package was from the "GOOD MAIL QUEEN", Jill. She and I just reunited after years and years. We were friends in high school. She is now my blogging mentor (I think I'm on question 148) as well as a great friend. After reading her blog (I felt like a stalker...) I realize how much we have in common and I was really missing out on a great person. It has only been a month since we started talking but each day I look forward to reading her blog and receiving her comments on mine. She is a genuine person who enriches many lives. (Are you blushing yet?)

I was a giddy little girl running up the path towards the mobe anxious to open my packages.... books,jam, candy, Hello Kitty stuff, a homemade c.d. and more! What a thoughtful thing for both of them to do. I appreciate it more than I can express at this time. THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart all the way down to my toes.

*This is also a prefect opportunity to thank my mom for alllllll the care packages. You know someone loves you when they send you razors. (I hate to pay for razors more than anything. Every year I ask for them at Christmas...whenever I am asked what I need it is always razors.) My mom is so loving, kind and thoughtful and never expects anything in return. I would give you the world if I could but you have my love!

Wednesday, November 12

My husband and I are living in a rural part of Idaho while he works on his dissertation for school. Rural meaning less than 100 people. Rural meaning one gas pump for 30 miles both directions. Rural meaning no Starbucks for one hour and forty five minutes from here. I have been here for about 7 weeks. Although I spend time with him in the field I decided to apply for a job at a lodge up the road. As luck would have it they needed someone for all of November and some of December. (Perfect)

I am a waitress. I attempted that profession while going to college...it was not my calling. But, here I am note pad in hand taking orders. The real reason I wanted to work was for the opportunity to talk with folks from around here. As a result, I have met some of the most interesting people with so many stories to tell. They are also excepting of my dismal waitressing skills.

For the last couple of days I have been walking to work so I thought I would have you experience it with me. It is less than a mile, no sidewalks and very few cars.

On one side of me is the Payette River...the other side is just a big hill/mountain.

Here are few things unique to my walk, wolf poo (above) and elk poo... How do I know it is wolf scat, look close (sorry that is the only way) and you can see bones as well as hair within.

For that reason I carry the three essentials: bear spray, a knife and my MP3.First of all, I have no question if I saw a bear I would shat my pants. Perhaps that will be my best defense. I obtain no Davy Crockett skills so my knife is all show. I would most likely hurt myself before an animal. But, not to long ago I read about a 65 year old woman who killed a mountain lion with a pen so who knows what sort of reactions take place when faced with these situations...I am hoping for some super powers. The only reason for the MP3 is to keep me company and lessen the "what was that" jerk of the body at every noise. To be smart I only have it piping through one ear.

I walk past one of two "convenience stores. Hummm....As I continue my walk I pass a historical sign about the area and my favorite sign that is a constant reminder of where I am at and who I'm hang'en with.

The lodge...

The dining room of the lodge...And finally, the view from inside the dining room of the lodge....

My new cowboy,logging friend Lee was kind enough to take a picture with me. Oh the stories he can tell. So cool!

Thanks for taking the walk with me today. Same time, same place tomorrow....

Tuesday, November 11

Two years ago when we said "I do" was the same day 44 years ago that my parents spoke those same words. Yesterday, my husband and I celebrated another year of marriage. We spent the entire day together talking, laughing and reminiscing. For the last six years we have been sharing our lives together. With love in our hearts and our dreams in our hands we'll continue to share tomorrow.

Sunday, November 9

Last week Jaige and I watched the movie Black Hawk Down. It had a lot of impact on both of us for different reasons. Jaige was part of a special unit in the US Navy. For him, the movie woke up emotions of reality and passion for his country. Me on the other hand.... well, in 1992-3 I know my thoughts didn't go very far outside my personal bubble. What could be more important than getting my hair done and where I was going to dinner that night? Shame, disappointment and embarrassment fills me to the base of my throat. Am I alone? Did you know that this awful man, Aidid, was starving "his" people in Somalia? So, the story goes on and the First Battle of Mogadishu happens. Lots of stress and nail biting action. We finish the movie which ultimately leads to conversation then research. From the left to the right (political) and by the time we finished for the night I was completely confused. Mostly, I didn't know who and how much to believe. Now Darfur. Do you understand what is going on? With a little research it doesn't take long to figure out that there are many dimensions to the conflict. The scarcity of reliable information on Darfur is also an additional difficulty. Why was Matt Damon taking a baseball bat to a doll house to protest the five year conflict, showing how thousands of children's lives have been shattered? Passion. I commend people who take a stand knowing they are just one more person trying to make a difference. It doesn't have to be Darfur. It could be something in your community....what do you stand for? If you had time what would you like to give your time to?

Thursday, November 6

Soft music fills the bar. Candles dancing beneath the well dressed, champagne drinking, self proclaimed important people. Sensual gestures being passed down granite. The pop of another cork. The lights are low and the voices loud everyone vying for attention. Name brands are dropped by the social elite and their diamonds sparkle so pretty. Someone spent their entire check on a dress just to get some attention. Within everyones incognito from reality, here to escape another day at the office or home. There I was. The lights started to get brighter and my thoughts drifted. The noise was deafening and the talk was cheap. Where was this heading? I was caught somewhere in between them and me. Last call. Lights were turned up and it was time to stake your claim, call a cab and make the night last with your new best friend. The spot light got hot and I wanted to go home but I couldn't find my keys. I didn't know how to escape the heat. I knew that I was walking into the circle of fire.A sudden turn in the right direction and the past lights were fading. I was going home to stay. I'll be the first to admit that I love champagne, a soft candle lit room, sounds of a piano while I sit and eat. I desire to feel pretty and put on fancy things and laugh and share with friends. But, I will never need another last call. The social discomfort of putting on a facade has seen it's day. When the path leads us to the masquerade ball or a shiny hot spot I won't have purchased something beyond my means nor will I have to search for the spot light so I'm seen. Sincerity will sit with me. It is a funny thing to deny the light for that is the direction home. As long as you find peace where you are at and the person within, that's all that was meant to be. These words come from a borrowed mobile home that I like to call the "mobe". My life is humble but rich. While I know the comfy house, that I'll someday call my home waits for me in the hills, for now I wait. I will do what I can to make what I have gold. My fancy apartment in the city sits empty holding my life's possessions while all I really need is here. Somewhere in the foot hills of the Rockies I am sitting in my candle lit "mobe", sipping soup from a can and eating my fancy grilled cheese. Now, I think I'll go pour some bubbly.

Wednesday, November 5

I was drooling in the ice cream section of the grocery store and I found myself tapping along to Muzak. Softly, I began humming the tune. Without a thought the words slipped between my lips. Thinking nothing of it, probably because I was now eying the donuts. The chocolate donuts with nuts delicately sprinkled on top started screaming my name the minute I walked through the door. I resist the urge and leave, o.k. I bought one. Sigh. Hours later while washing the dishes there it was again. This time his faced appeared. It was actually funny because I was just starting to question how I knew every word, every crescendo even the closing guitar solo that leaves you wanting more. It was my Jr. year in high school. I was in love (right), he was in lust, the story ended shortly after it started. But it hurt, the high school hurt. The everyone knows he dumped me hurt. Going to school everyday was self inflicting torture. Driving the pain deeper,to deafening heights I played "our" song over and over, shortening the world's supply of Kleenex and steering my parents to insanity. I have no idea how they did kept their sanity through four kids. We all have an "our" song. A certain life altering ballad that defines a place or time in our lives. Maybe the song swirls forgotten memories of your first date and the way you felt walking on clouds, twirling into your room and laying on your bed with stars dancing to your tune. There is also the swipe with the back of your hand to the forehead followed by that thank you God feeling. I challenge you tonight to find that song. Play it for someone special and take one minute to remind each other how it all began. This could be that one thing that is missing. On a funny note... I couldn't share the words or song that I heard, it might have lead you to fall on your knees in laughter or pity. Yup, out of all the romantic ballads written mine was sung by K.I.S.S. Nothing spells romance like K.I.S.S.!

Monday, November 3

When was the last time you were asked a question and half way through you find yourself not only answering it wrong, you have also managed to say something more ridiculous than intended. I have seen this many times and I actually feel bad but this is to make you feel better about your last verbal toot.

Sunday, November 2

I have an empty space where my hugs go. I left my heart in Montana, my stuff in Quebec City and my body is here in Idaho. I took for granted the need for human touch, outside of the two best arms that I wrap myself in each night. Joe Jackson, does that name ringing a bell? Me neither. How about "Is she really going out with him"... now we are getting somewhere. Thanks to Taco Bell commercial in the 2008 we all know "One more time". He also wrote a song, The Human Touch.

The Human Touch by Joe Jackson

Some say the world is spinning fasterSome say it isn't fast enoughSome people say they've got the answerand some are scared to say they can't keep up

I read the paper but it still isn't clearThe bombs are falling but I'm still hereI know all the figures and I know all the factsBut all I can do is keep trying . . . .To look for the Human Touch

Life is hard when you've got nothingLife can be hard when you've got too muchSometimes I wonder what's the differenceIt's only better with someone to touch

I got the telephone stuck to my earI keep yelling but you don't hearIn all the universe I'm just a speck of dustBut all I can do is keep trying . . . .To give you the Human Touch

You know we're nothing in the scheme of thingsJust microchips in big machinesAnd the world is spinning round and roundbut I know that we can slow it downAnd I know that I can make you seeI'm on the side of you and me

and all I want to dolisten to me . . .Is give you . . . give you

Give you the Human Touch

I had no idea the impact of a hug, a hand on the shoulder or gentle touch of comfort. I do know now that with each gesture, I will give with it sincerity because I will never know when they had the human touch.

A very helpful friend (one of three that even looks at this blog) suggested that I commit an act of self torture and take a self portrait for my profile. For the special occasion I located the mascara and just now realized that I forgot to put on the lip gloss I set aside. Many moons ago this was fun....and paid the bills. (Photos) At first I felt o.k. about the first one until I realized that part of the bun from my dinner was between my front teeth and then I looked at it a little longer....what the #$@& was I doing with my scarf? There shouldn't be any question why the second picture wasn't picked. The third picture I was nearing the end of sanity but at least Hello Kitty looked cute.Oh sun goddess of the 90's what where you thinking? There are only so many things that I could have, should have about my past. Tonight one more was added to my list. (Mantra for tonight: SPF)