DAVID FREED was one of the first men in the UK to take shared parental leave.
He tells us why it’s the best thing he has ever done

Many couples think sharing their leave doesn't make financial sense for them (Image: NC)

AS DAVID Freed walked into the baby weaning class with his six-month-old son James, he immediately felt out of place.

“They’re called parent groups but they’re actually mums groups. I was the only dad,” he says.

“The teacher joked that I must have been instructed by my wife to come to the class and was very surprised when I said: ‘No, I just thought my son needed weaning’.”

It was the first day of shared parental leave for David, 32, who works for an electricity company, and was the first of many times he was met with surprise for taking time off work to look after his son.

When David and his wife Charlotte, 33, who live in Greenwich, south London, became parents in January 2016, they were among the first couples in the UK to take equal amounts of shared parental leave.

Traditionally, women are entitled to up to 52 weeks’ maternity leave and men are allowed to take two weeks’ paternity leave.

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But in April 2015 a law was passed which allows couples to share 50 weeks of leave and 37 weeks of pay between them.

However since then the uptake of shared parental leave has been shockingly low.

According to HMRC just two per cent of eligible parents (around 9,200 people) took shared parental leave in the 12 months to March this year.

David says he is saddened by the figures and wishes more dads took time off to look after their children.

“There are huge benefits, you get to bond with your baby,” he says.

“I was there for my son’s first steps, the first time he crawled and his first word, instead of being in the office and told about it over the phone.

“I think a lot of blokes would appreciate not just having a ‘weekend dad’ involvement but a close relationship with their kids.”

Parents who take shared leave are entitled to a statutory £145.18 a week (Image: NC)

I was there for my son’s first steps, the first time he crawled and his first word, instead of being in the office and told about it over the phone

David Freed

A new study by University College London (UCL) showed money issues are often to blame for the low uptake of shared parental leave.

While many couples wanted to share their leave, half of those who chose not to said it didn’t make financial sense for them.

Parents who take shared leave are entitled to a statutory £145.18 a week, which is just over half the UK living wage.

And on average women in the UK are paid 9.7 per cent less per hour than men.

So it could be that couples could not afford to lose the father’s salary. “There is a big economics issue at the heart of shared parental leave,” says Katherine Twamley, a researcher at UCL. But David believes there are also social factors.

“After our son was born the nurse in the maternity unit came in and said I had to leave because it was outside visiting hours,” he says.

“So I had to drive home and leave my wife to look after our son on her own. From your first moment as parents you’re told that mum has to be fully responsible and dad has to go.”

Since April 2015 he uptake of shared parental leave has been shockingly low (Image: GETTY)

And David believes there is an enduring stereotype of the “hopeless dad”. “Dads are expected to play the clown and not be very good at childcare. And the fl ip side of that is women are expected to be responsible and more serious,” he says.

“There’s this idea that the mum should be the lead parent and dads should step back.”

And he thinks myths around female hormones are partly to blame.

“People think that mums somehow naturally become super-parents as soon as the baby is born, because of hormonal changes in their brain,” he says.

“But the reality is very different. Not only do dads also go through chemical brain changes that prepare them for bonding with their kids, it’s also difficult for new mums to have all this extra social pressure to be super-parents.”

David believes that this means when dads do take an active role in their children’s lives, they are often showered with praise while mums are criticised or judged.

THIS is something David experienced when he started a blog about taking shared parental leave.

“As one of the few weekday dads you get a lot more praise and positivity. And I’m not going to say it’s a bad thing. People’s hearts are in the right place. But negativity is generally aimed at the mums. It’s a double standard,” he says.

And despite the gender pay gap discouraging parents from taking shared leave, David believes dads taking more time off could help to redress the pay balance.

“If more parents split it equally then employers might not look at a woman thinking: ‘She might get pregnant soon, so should I promote her?’

“If both parents take six months off, women may not be subject to the same sexist attitudes.”

Often, the problem is that that couples could not afford to lose the father’s salary (Image: GETTY)

For David and Charlotte the decision to take shared parental leave seemed an obvious one.

“Initially I thought I would take a little bit of my wife’s maternity leave and it would be great to have just a bit of time,” says David.

“But my wife is Swedish and it’s the norm in Sweden for both parents to take equal time off.

“And the idea of getting stuck in and being able to bond with my son was exciting.”

In the end Charlotte, who works in financial services, took the first six months parental leave and David took the rest.

Money issues are often to blame for the low uptake of shared parental leave (Image: GETTY)

“Our relationship benefited because neither of us was shouldering the burden of being a parent alone,” says David.

David’s wife Charlotte also believes it was the best decision for their family.

“I’m very glad we did it,” she says.

“I loved staying home with James but it was also very intense. The way we split our time meant we were in it together.”

And David wouldn’t change his decision for the world. “I’ve developed a really good relationship with my little buddy. Surely every dad wants that?”

● To pre-order a copy of Dads Don’t Babysit by David Freed and James Millar (out September 14, £11.99, Free Association), call the Express Bookshop on 01872 562 310 or visit expressbookshop.co.uk

Andrew Griffiths MP admitted he can't make use of the shared parental leave policy (Image: FACEBOOK)

COMMENT BY JEREMY DAVIES

Taking a substantial chunk of time off to look after your baby in the first year is a great opportunity for fathers to become confident, hands-on caregivers.

Currently only three out of seven parent-couples are eligible for shared parental leave, which is in fact transferable maternity leave, so eligible dads can take it only if their partners choose to share the leave.

Many employers top up maternity leave and pay but do not match it for shared parental leave, making it much less likely couples will opt to share. To get more fathers taking leave we need to scrap shared parental leave and introduce a well-funded “use-it-or-lose-it” leave just for dads, to be taken in the first year of their child’s life.