NFL Week Three Picks

For my loyal Bleacher Report people...You're just going to have to stand aside and let them bask in the glory.

At any rate, it's time for NFL picks! It's do-or-die week for a bunch of 0-2 teams. This should make for some fascinating games. Home teams are capitalized.

FALCONS over Chiefs

CBS’s No. 1 early afternoon game, no doubt. I think the Chiefs have a legitimate chance to go 0-16. They lost to a Raiders team whose QB probably won’t complete 40 percent of his passes and whose coaches all wanted to kill each other.

Please don’t be fooled by Atlanta’s 2-1 start and the inevitable “We’re a different team!” articles. They still suck. And Arthur Blank is still the creepiest of the creepy.

VIKINGS over Panthers

I really, really wanted to pick Carolina here, but the Vikes' D is so awesome that I think they can bring the mother-effin ruckus, even though the Panthers have Steve Smith.

Apparently, Brad Childress has heard my cry and the cries of millions of others to start Gus Frerrote. When Gus Frerrote is saving your season...Ouch. Still, he’s better than Tarvaris Jackson (which should close the book on Jackson, since he can’t even outplay a 100-year old stationary vet).

GIANTS over Bengals

The Bengals suck. No other explanation is needed.

REDSKINS over Cardinals

I wasn’t too sold on the 'Skins' win last week against New Orleans, but they’re playing at home against a Cards team that probably can’t believe that they’re 2-0. I see this being a disjointed, 17-9 type affair.

TITANS over Texans

The Titans could conceivably make the playoffs with a great D and minimal offense. The only loser in that situation is America.

PATRIOTS over Dolphins

Belichick owns Chad Pennington. He’s lost like one game against the guy since '03.

BILLS over Raiders

I said it last week, and I’ll keep saying it until someone listens to me...Buffalo is a better team than New York. Depending on how Matt Cassel plays, they can definitely steal the division from New England.

BEARS over Buccaneers

Brian Griese on the road against a suddenly rejuvenated Bears D that’s pissed because the team should be 2-0? Ummmmmm no.

BRONCOS over Saints

Marques Colston might be an even bigger loss than people (like me) originally predicted.

Meanwhile, while I’m happy that more people are on the Broncos' bandwagon I’m driving, don’t forget that they’re one blown call away from being 1-1. Their defense still sucks.

That said, how 'bout the guts Mike Shanahan showed in going for two on that play? I haven’t been a big fan of Shanahan’s work the past few years, but that call took some serious cojones. That’s the kind of win that inspires a lot of confidence in a team and to get it in that manner...Wow.

49ERS over Lions

Mike Martz’s revenge! The Falcons-Chiefs game is just the appetizer for this buffet of football excellence!

SEAHAWKS over Rams

And this is the wine to wash that awesome buffet dinner down! Is there a worse division in sports than the NFC West, with the exception of maybe the NL West?

Just remember this when the Arizona Cardinals are hosting a playoff game in round one and getting their butts handed to them by Philadelphia.

Browns over RAVENS

This kills me to admit, but I’m worried the first game could have been a mirage. The Bengals are some kind of terrible.

I still think the Ravens' ceiling is 8-8, but we’ll see. I wish I could see Sunday’s game, because a loss would basically end Cleveland’s season. And since this is my article, I get to do my anti-Browns rant!

A NON-PLAYOFF TEAM WITH NO COMPELLING PLAYERS PLAYING IN A MIDWEST MARKET GOT SIX NATIONALLY TELEVISED GAMES! That's the second-most inexplicable television call this year (the most inexplicable is Chuck being renewed for a second season. I know the chick on the show is smoking hot but seriously...That is a terrible show).

That is why, more than anything, I want the Browns to lose rather than wanting the Ravens to win. This needs to stop. I just see the Ravens coming out too rusty with the unexpected time off. Prove me wrong, Harbaugh!

COLTS over Jaguars

Both teams desperately need this game. If Jacksonville drops to 0-3, with the way the Titans are playing...Damn.

EAGLES over Steelers

The Eagles went into Texas Stadium, gave the top dog Cowboys everything they had and barely lost. What a game. I’m sold on these guys as a playoff team (that I predicted!). I definitely see this as an upset special with Philly at home.

With that said, I need to share something that has always bothered me. People ask me if I like the Eagles, since I’m in Philly. I tell them that I do like the Eagles, especially McNabb and Brian Dawkins, but I hate most of their fans.

I talked recently to two friends of mine from the Philly area that are not Eagles fans and they agree...Philly fans don’t know how good they have it with Donovan McNabb. He’s probably been the third-best QB in the league since 2001, and they treat him like garbage.

This is especially galling to a fan of a team that always has terrible QB play.

I know Philly fans are notoriously tough on their team because they’re blue collar and crazy and all that bullcrap. They’re also buffoons. Granted, this does not include all Philly fans; there are those who are more refined and non-reactionary.

But most of the ones I have encountered have this idea that if they trade McNabb, all of their problems would go away. Whatever. All the “long-suffering Eagles fan” talk I hear up here makes me want to vomit. This is why I want to see the Eagles win a Super Bowl for McNabb...Just not their shortsighted fans. Getting off my horse now.

PACKERS over Cowboys

Upset special. I still think the Cowboys are the best team in the NFC. Hopefully this will be as good of a game as Monday.

CHARGERS over Jets

The Jets will be lucky to finish 8-8. Even with Favre, they’re just not that good of a team.