The Irish Government sells Leitrim to North Korea to use as a nuclear bomb testing site

The Irish Government announced today that the signing over of County Leitrim to North Korea has been finalised and the environmental permits to blast the petite county with nuclear material has been cleared. The sale comes as part of the government’s strategy to generate extra revenue during this time of austerity and overall economic bleakness.

Government ministers met last night at, Harry’s on the Green, to finalise the deal with the dear leader, Kim Jong Un. Over a round of Sex on the Beach (paid for by dipping into Alan Shatter’s private jet fund), all the senior government ministers decided that the country could do without Leitrim and settled on a sum of €25 million for the county that consists of a larger number of married cousins than working street lights.

Taoiseach Enda Kenny talked to reporters this morning about the announcement, “Yeah well it had to happen. We needed to reduce spending and get in revenue; this just felt like a logical solution to the situation. I mean, will we really miss Leitrim that much as it descends into a few decades of a ‘nuclear winter’ after the North Koreans test out all the bombs they have on the place. We made a deal that they are free from environmental regulations in the area, so who knows what will happen. I know some of the voting public are a bit ticked off about the selling of the county saying that it is a disgrace to the people who fought for our independence. I say, if you look closely to what Collins said, he really wasn’t that keen on the county as well. Sure if it was of any worth, the Brits would have tried to group it in with the rest of Northern Ireland. We’re better off this way, trust me.”

The North Korean People’s Republic of County Leitrim will come into effect on the 1st of May 2014. Inhabitants will be offered North Korean citizenship when the change over takes place and will be given iodine tablets when the testing begins.