Wednesday, 27 November 2013

Recently,
I was in the toilet and a thought took hold. It went like this, “Why is that person so dumb? Aren’t I smarter
than him?” It was at that moment that I was dumbstruck. I stared blankly
into the mirror and told myself off, literally, “I disown you!” It was a knee-jerk reaction. I revolted against that
thought and wanted to have no part of it. Then I recalled in Mark 9:47 when
Jesus told us to pluck our offending eye out because it is better to go to
heaven half blind than to go to hell with both eyes seeing (Mm...wouldn’t
heaven then be flat or two-dimensional?)

Well,
here's my variation of that scripture. I assume that there are some sins
(listed below) that require full body amputation in order to secure a safe
passage to heaven. So, instead of removing the offending part (and going to
heaven without much of a body), I have decided to do the next best thing, that
is, to disown myself (like I did in
the toilet). That way, I can still go to heaven with my body intact. The
drawback is that I might have to live with a dual personality in heaven, each of
me contesting for attention for as long as an eternity. Mm...that’s the price
of heaven I guess. So, here goes...

A
PLEDGE TO DISOWN MYSELF

I
PLEDGE to disown myself the moment I
think I am better or smarter than another. When I harbor such superiority
complex, I would have failed to live up to what it means to be a fellow human
being. I would have lost my bearings and the humility that keeps me grounded.
Therefore I shall disown myself when that time comes for I'd rather be a
stranger to myself than to live my life being a stranger to the principles that
define what it means to be a human being.

I
PLEDGE to disown myself the moment I
think I have arrived in knowledge and there is nothing for me to learn anymore.
When that day comes, I would have lost myself in the maze of self-delusion. It
would be a day when I look into the mirror and find an image that I would not
be able to recognize. I would be deprived of the life-sustaining opportunity to
explore, to seek, to find and to unravel. I believe that to live is to learn
and to stop learning is to start dying. Therefore I shall disown myself when
that time comes for I'd rather be a stranger to myself than to live my life
being a stranger to an endless world of knowledge waiting to be discovered.

I
PLEDGE to disown myself the moment I
think that this world is all there is, all there has been and all there will
ever be. When that day comes, I would have ceased to look for the wonders in a
rainbow, the depth of an emotion, the mystery of creation, and the hope of a
life after this life. It would be a life of sterile imagination because science
have replaced religion by a leap of scholarly self-conceit. Therefore I shall
disown myself when that time comes for I'd rather be a stranger to myself than
to live my life being a stranger to the unspoken secrets of the universe
untainted by the hubris of this world.

I
PLEDGE to disown myself the moment I
think that fame and wealth take precedence over relationship and faith. When
that day comes, I would find my soul diminished by the cravings of the flesh,
the pride of life and the sway of greed. By then, I would no longer live for
others and put their needs before mine. I would become a person who treats
every relationship as a transaction to be exploited. It would be a life of
ceaseless competition, constant rivalries, and superficial engagement.
Therefore I shall disown myself when that time comes for I'd rather be a
stranger to myself than to be a stranger to a life dedicated to flourishing
relationship and deepening faith.

I
PLEDGE to disown myself the moment I
look elsewhere to find satisfaction in companionship rather than to seek the
same in my marriage. When that time comes, I would be living without morals and
betraying the one person I have pledged my whole life till death to be with -
in good times or bad. I would then always be held hostage by the dictates of my
lust and the ransom paid for it is to live a shallow life of regrets, drifting
from one indiscretion to another, and never be able to look into the eyes of my
children to tell them that faithfulness is the key to a happy marriage.
Therefore I shall disown myself when that time comes for I'd rather be a
stranger to myself than to live my life being a stranger to the enduring joy
that comes from a resilent and fruitful marriage.

I
PLEDGE to disown myself the moment I
give up on life for whatever reasons. When that time comes, I would have
nothing to look forward to. My tomorrow would be no different from my today. When
everyday is the same as the day before and the day after it, the life that I
have given up on would be indistinguishable from a life sentence to death. And
if the death of a life is not the only end of a life, then the other death I
can think of is to go on merely existing after I have given it all up.
Therefore I shall disown myself when that time comes for I'd rather be a
stranger to myself than to be a stranger to living a life the way it was meant
to be lived notwithstanding the failures and mistakes. Because without them, I
would never experience the growth and empowerment that comes from a life of
overcoming. Cheerz.

Tuesday, 26 November 2013

Son, living in a world full of people is living
in a world full of contradictions. You will have people loving you and people
hating you. You will have people liking you and people irking you. You will
have people who think the world of you and people who think the worst of you.
People will adore you and people will vilify you. You can't escape from such
contradictions, even from the same people. So, people will be people and to
live in a people-less world is most unthinkable.

A world of people is what we cannot live
without. But there are some people that we are better off doing without. This
category is rare but exist they do. They are there to make whatever you do
harder to do. And even if you do what they expect you to do, it is still done
in a way that they think they can do better than you. You can consider
them as the torn in your side, the dust in your eye or the pain in your
derrière. However you wish them well, whatever you do for them with pure
intention, they will still take it with a fistfull of sodium chloride and
accuse you of vain pretension.

They indeed have eyes for you. But lest you
get carried away, these eyes are sight for sore eyes. Sometimes they are
jaundiced eyes or eyes of rage for reasons unrelated to your present but more
connected to your past. Somehow they can never forget. On this, their memory is
superb. You can think of them as having the memory capacity of the proverbial
elephant. But strangely, this is exclusively, even begrudgingly, reserved for
events that happened long time ago.

With you, they just can't see what you are now
or what you will be in the future. They only judge you for what you were then.
It is like time stood still for them when it comes to you. And they only see
you as you were in the past and everything you do now or promise to do in the
future is judged through the prism of your past mistakes. What they therefore
lack in imagination, they more than make it up for having a memory that cannot
let go.

For others, they don't even need a reason to
hate you. It just comes naturally like how a drop of water will slide down a
duck's back or a lump of bullshit will come out of a bull's end. It is like
they are born with this unusual genetic mutation and over the years, the
mutation grows into character distortion. It is therefore as natural to them as
the color of one's hair, skin or eyes. The difference here is that with color,
you can dye the hair, alter the pigment, or put on color lenses.

But with such genetic mutation, it is often a
cradle-to-grave kind of thing. So please do not waste your time looking for
the cause or origin of such toxic people. Unlike looking for a needle in a
haystack, where at the very least the presence of a needle is assured, such
search for better understanding is like looking for WMD in Iraq. Alas not only
will you not find what you are looking for, you may be rudely shocked by a
grouchy old bearded man squirrelling out of a dark and smelly hole to torment
you even further.

My son, these are the people who will challenge
you to the core. Some will break you. Others will bruise you. Still others will
humiliate you. Ego wise, they will miniaturize you. Spirit wise, they will seek
to de-spiritualize you. But whatever it is, don't ever let them marginalize,
antagonize and pulverize you. You are worth much more than that. You are more
resilient than you think. You are built from the toughest material this world
has ever made.

Remember, don't confront them. Don't match them
word for word, malice for malice, hate for hate, and fist for fist. The greater
man does the humblest thing. He is defined not by the coarseness of his anger,
the swiftness of his fist or the wittiness of his insults. He is a man who
takes it all in and then transforms it all within before it goes all out. It
goes in with bitterness but it comes out in sweet fragrance. It enters in
hopelessness but goes out in cheerfulness. Such a man knows how to transform
hate into understanding, grudge into patience, and anger into empathy.

But still, you are only human and let no one or
books tell you otherwise. Dealing with such people will always wear you down
and tire you out. You will get angry, disappointed and even disillusioned.
Sometimes, you may even harbor thoughts of vengeance against them. It bears
repeating that you are only human and you can't be blamed for being one.

In all this, you will have your time of
ambivalence, struggling with the logic of what I had said about turning the
other cheek and what the world will tell you about an eye for an eye. But trust
me, an eye for an eye only makes the world half blind. But turning the other
cheek hurts the slapper more than the cheek. The hand that seeks revenge will
only "succeed" by transferring the pain from his hand to his heart.
It will never go away. It just undergoes a change of address. In fact the
physical satisfaction of the slap will not heal the emotional pain of the hurt,
so to speak.

It is said that the only way you win over your
enemy is to make him a friend. And you ought to always bear that in mind. Your enemy
is a friend waiting to be discovered. So, don't react when you can refrain and
don't fight back when it is within your power to do what is right. The greater
power rests on the one who overlooks rather than overreacts and enduring peace
belongs to the one who forgives rather than hates.

You will discover all
these truths over time and even through trials and errors. But discover them
you will. And when you apply them to your life, you will find a lasting
transformation in yourself that changes the way you see the world and the
people in it.

In fact, you will come to a point of seeing
beyond the hurt that you suffer to the hurt that your enemy suffers. You will
see how his pain is deeper than yours. With this understanding, you will be
able to genuinely reach out to him. For the more you understand, the more you
are able to forgive.

But son, before I end, here is a note of
caution. There will be an exceptional few, maybe only one or maybe none, who
will remain your enemy for what seems like a lifetime. They are the people who
are generally unrepentant and savagely opportunistic. And no matter how you
extend your hand of friendship to them, they will rebuff it. Or worse,
they will shake it with one hand and stab you in your back with the other.
These people will be a challenge to your faith in humanity. And there is little
you can do about it.

But remember, people are people and most of them
will surprise you in ways you will regret deeply if you react unthinkingly in
the heat of the moment. So, walk away while you can because once the deed is
done, you may never be able to walk away from it. In the end, don't go
sleepless over them. Theirs is not your fight. Let time or circumstances be
their teacher.

Hopefully, they will change. If not, keep a wary
arm's length from them. If you are unable to avoid them, don't let their
conduct or words infect or embitter you. This will of course take practice and
I will always be there to be your target practice. So my son, resolve in
your heart to be open to and hopeful of all things. People will always be
people and somehow the worst of them always makes the best of us, that is, if
we deal with them honorably, patiently and with understanding. For if the
prodigal son or the thief at Calvary can repent, then no one on this earth is
beyond redemption – even if it takes close to a lifetime to see that happen.
Cheerz.

Saturday, 16 November 2013

1)God
wants you to love your neighbor. I know this
is one of the two greatest commandments in the Bible. And it never hurts to
preach it over the pulpit, almost indiscriminately. But at most times, the
individual context is just as important. Of course, we are called to love our
enemies the way Christ loved his. But this is often easier said than done. And we
are also called to love others with God's love (not our own) but such vicarious
loving often sounds better in theory than in practice. That being said, I think
many Christians should be applauded for their unstinting efforts to do just
that. Yet most times, the reality is far from the ideal. I have encountered
many Christians (most would be slow to admit this), even pastors mind you, who
have quietly kept and secretly guarded a little red book of "blacklisted people" in their breast
pocket. Let’s just say that given a choice they would rather not share a broken
down lift with these people or be caught offguard meeting them in a family
outing at the park. The awkwardness would force them to put on a disingenuous smile
and initiate a superficial exchange of pleasantries. Although this blacklisted
book may contain just one or two thorns in the beholder's side, they are still
perplexing thorns that are often carried over to their grave. I guess
ultimately we are called to love one another as God loves us. But I think that
pulpit message should be tweaked a little. Maybe it is more livable if it is
not a communistic kind of love, that is, to love everybody equally. Maybe it is
a passion of varying degrees. Maybe this is obvious. And if we are honest
enough, the passion reserved for those thorns that have made their permanent
residency in our side would somehow be moderated or at least unconsciously
discriminated.

2)God
wants you to be healthy. Nothing can be closer to the
truth. God indeed wants all of us to be healthy. My mother also wants me to be
healthy. This also includes my wife, kids and friends. I particularly extend
the same well-wishing to them. Such sentiment is heartwarming. But sentiments
cannot be purchased for reality. No doubt the intention cannot be faulted as it
is clearly a default position for every child of God. The fact of life, or
biology, is that cells mutate prenatal, postnatal and in the course of living. Some
of these mutations can turn fatal. So, whether we are sick or not, or whether
it is a temporary affliction or one that is terminal, nature will have to take
its course. And sometimes the course that nature takes might just break many
hearts. But then, as Christians, we are called to believe in divine healing.
That much can't be denied and I will be dealing with this point below.

3)God
wants you to be happy. This is the best part of believing
in God. I call it the reasons-to-be-happy belief. But such happiness is subject
to many interpretations. Sadly, some preachers take the easy road and interpret
this as the happiness that comes only from material wealth. And many are
naturally disillusioned when they don't experience such happiness in their
life. Personally, I have seen happiness in many forms and the most authentic
and enduring happiness is the happiness that comes from unhappiness, so to
speak. I guess the happiness that comes from a contented heart, even when one
is struggling with an affliction, falls under this category. How about a godly
form of happiness that comes from being persecuted for your faith or being
hopeful in the midst of a trial or being charitable in the face of the most uncharitable
circumstances? All this would qualify as authentic happiness. I think happiness
is deepest when it cuts the deepest and God's kind of happiness sometimes cuts
through our comfort zone in a way that transforms us completely rather than it
pampers us materially.

4)God
wants you to be the head and not the tail. Well, this
makes it to the one-size-fits-all list because not all heads are deemed godly and
not all tails are deemed ungodly. I guess one can lead others and mess it up
big time because of pride and others can follow the leader and grow stronger in
character because of humility (regardless of the leader). I think it is
misleading to preach that God would make you a glorfied leader when you believe
in Him. Sometimes, things don't go as plan and you may end up playing the
supporting role for the rest of your life. But this doesn't make you the tail
any more than sleeping in a garage makes you a car or attending a museum makes
you an exhibit. This head and tail thingy is an hackneyed motivational talk
that promises more than it delivers.

5)God
wants you to release the hate and forgive now. This may be
a feat for the gods for some. Of course, it is easy to overlook a verbal slight
spoken out-of-place and wholly unintended. But how do you overlook the hurt
caused by a betraying spouse, an abusive husband, an unrepentant rapist, a
convicted murderer, or a conniving good friend? Time is of essence here.
Sometimes, for some wounds, it may take close to a lifetime. And you can't
blame the one forgiving for taking such a long time because the conscious
choice to forgive always comes way before the full resolution of the deep unconscious
pain that is caused by the wrong. But the good news is that every day that goes
by militates against the pain, like chipping off the edge of a boulder by
droplets. It is therefore impractical to expect an overnight emotional healing
when the hurt is so deep. Sometimes, such deep hurt might take what seems like
an eternity to find, confront and forgive; and possibly never forgotten.

6)God wants you to be rich.
This is all the rage now. Prosperity preachers with all their material "bling
bling" are pitching this sales jingle as if it is one of the hallmarks of
a true believer. So, if after 5 to 10 years of being a believer, and the only
thing rich about you is your calories intake, then you'd better get your money
pulse checked by the money minister. Somehow, something must be wrong with your
faith, so the jingle goes. Well, I do not want to be a wet blanket here but if
riches is what the gospel is all about and nothing else, then all the disciples
of Christ and the converts during the time of Acts, who gave away all they had
for the poor, were the greatest fools who had ever lived on this side of
heaven. I think sometimes we have to get our heads out of the offering bag and
take a good whiff of reality around us. The truth is that many will not die
rich and some may even leave this world having nothing to their name except
their name. And what a name they leave behind. Bonheoffer was one such name. He
may have died in a nondescript location but his legacy is as rich as all the
riches in this world put together, if not more.

7)God wants you to be successful.
I am reminded of the biblical story of Joseph and that trite quote in Genesis
50:20, “you intended to harm me, but God intended it for good.” There is no
doubt that God wants the best for us and it is said that if we obey His
commandments, we will prosper like Joseph. Now, before we go whoop-de-doo about it, I think that
scripture needs to be taken in its proper context. The impression given here is
that a believer will be successful; he just can't help it. And the definition
of success differs little from the personal enrichment touted by the prosperity
preachers. Little needs to be said here except that there can be no enduring,
life transforming success without failure. And this is often the huge mass of
iceberg beneath the water that gets conveniently passed over. When success is
promised to a new convert at the pulpit like a toto ticket to fabulous fortune, it runs the risk of making success
the sole reason for believing. I personally believe that the ladder of success
is often broken at many places. This is how God develops our character. The
climb is going to be tough and there will be many obstacles along the way. At
times, genuine success will elude us until we have emerged stronger, with
better character, after a series of failures. At other times, success will be
staring right at us in the curious eyes of our children, in the passion
expressed by our spouse, in the commitment shown in our friends, and in the eternal
hope of a promise made by the lover of our soul. In the end, the success in our
life comes in varied forms and those who are most successful are usually those
who are at peace with what they have and with whom they are with. The rest is
success' consolation prizes.

8)God wants you to be healed.
I actually believe this with all my heart. But sadly, things don't always flow
in the direction of my heart's desire. Nothing is more certain in life than
death and that thing that afflicts you just before death. Like twins, death and
illness are unavoidable. If granted the indulgence, and brought to the level of
reductio ad absurdum, I can imagine that the preachers of charismatic
healing are right. God indeed wants to heal all and sundry, regardless and
whatever. Then, the aftermath of it is either an immediate celebration or a
long distance nightmare, depending on whether you are the victim (or his loved
ones) or a demographic analyst (dealing with long term population explosion).
As a Christian, supernatural healing is definitely one of the traits in the
divine resume. But it is not something that arises as of right and
effected as and when a prayer is offered as if to apply a miracle lotion to
one's affected body part and "presto!" - complete healing. The
charismatics have gone wild with this peculiar gift and those boasting of it
are laying hands with the misguided confidence of a shamanistic healer. Think about it...I mean really think about it with your God-endowed commonsense (really please do).
If it is that simple, that is, all you need is childlike faith, a simple laying
of hands and a self-assured proclamation, then one should not hesitate – not even
for a second - to hold the healing services in a hospital, preferable the
A&E or the ICU department (leaving the morgue alone for now). How about the
children cancer ward? Now you can't say that it is not urgent for them, can
you? You see, that is the litmus test of indiscriminate divine healing. And if
one passes that test with flying colors (that is, emptying the hospitals and
making all doctors redundant) without exception and those spiritualized
excuses, then we would have to make plans to colonize Mars in the near future due
to overpopulation (because the total number of people who had ever lived since
the beginning was estimated to be around 100 billion – give or take a few
million). It’s a stretch no doubt but I think you get the point?

9)God wants your marriage to last a
lifetime (and live happily ever after). I have seen
the statistics on this and it is ugly. Religion aside, nearly 50% of marriages
in god-believing America ended up in divorce. In Singapore, it is close to
about 40% (median age, 2012). This is disheartening and being a Christian will
not guarantee that your odds will be any better. Sure, a devoted couple whose
devotion is to God will probably lead a strong and resilient marriage. But the
marital road is a long and winding road and many may not even stay the course
when the going gets tough. Even Christian marriages break up and Billy Graham's
daughter is an unfortunate example. We should have no illusions about marriage.
The marital oath is no doubt a good launching pad for one of the most important
decisions of your life. But the marital flight or trajectory thereafter depends
on many things, most of which will conspire to break up the union. I know the
saying that a couple who prays together stays together. But at times, even
those who pray together cannot guarantee that their partner will not stray
altogether. We have to be realistic as the statistics don't lie. Having said
that, it should be noted that statistics paints the big picture. On an
individual level, we should always strive to jealously guard our own marriage.
It is definitely one of the most rewarding and enriching relationships one can
ever hope to commit in his/her lifetime.

10)With
God, nothing is impossible (and what is impossible is all in your head).
This is the last one-size-fits-all gospel on the list. To be honest, I don't
even know where to start with this one. In a world of the most gratuitous
suffering imaginable, where birth defects abound and death and misfortune can
happen to anyone at just about anytime and anywhere without any reason whatsoever,
this biblical promise, if taken literally,
would mean that you will never experience any pain, death and disappointment in
your life, ever. The catchword here is “literally”
and most pulpit sermons don’t make the distinction because preachers do not want
to be seen by the faith-hungry congregation as diffident, unsure, or worst,
faithless. You see, if with God, you can do even the impossible, then,
considering that you are a righteous man, you would be praying for good health,
success and smooth sailing, amongst other fairly godly goals. And if these
blessings are granted to you as and when you petition for them, then you will
practically be immune from pain and suffering in this world. Now won't that be a real charmer? I know
I am stretching it a little again but my point is going to be a real downer for
most believers. I think any right thinking Christian would agree that in the
realm of endless possibilities, there will be many alternative possibilities
that will elude us. In our life, some choices are already made for us like our
biological condition at birth, our place of birth and our birth parents. Even
for those things that we have a choice in like our schools, our career and our
future partner, most times, unless we are born into immeasurable wealth, things
don't always go our way. It is without any doubt that sooner or later we
will experience a death or two in our life. We will also encounter failure here
and there, like road bumps along the way. We may also suffer life changing
events that will force us to make very painful choices. All in all, as
Christians, we will be praying for deliverance to the chorus of "with God, nothing is impossible".
But the truth is, some things are beyond our control and they happen very much
without our permission. And when it happens, it robs a part of our humanity. No
doubt we will recover and grow stronger but sadly some never do. Some wither
away. Others change for the worst. This is another commonsense fact. And all
this will not change the ironic fact that the most powerful supernatural being
in this universe who loves us most immeasurably would mysteriously leave our
desperate petition unanswered. Even the prayers of a righteous man would
sometimes backfire. There are just too many examples here to prove this. Over
the centuries, many prayers were left unanswered and the petitioner would just
have to lower his expectation to pray for strength to brave through his trial
rather than the faith to see it all go away like a bad dream (which is the apparent better option in the list without the benefit of hindsight of course). So, while many have experienced
victory in prayers, there are still many who have seen how their earnest
heavenly mails were returned to them seemingly unopened. Of course, what doesn't
kill us will make us stronger. But sometimes what is impossible remains in the
impenetrable realm of the impossible, and we will just have to come to terms
with it. And here's how I personally come to terms with it: In the beginning,
God did the impossible. In the end, He's going to perform another impossible,
thoroughly awe-consuming, feat. But in the meantime, in the murky middle, we
will just have to accept that anything is indeed possible, whether good or bad,
and sometimes, the God of the impossible just allowed it to happen for reasons
unbeknowst to all. And on this cliff-hanging note like the end of a movie that cries
out for a sequel...Cheerz.