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In a political landscape full of pundit-speak, spin and dancing politicians, it’s often difficult to cast a truly informed vote. So it’s good to know you can still get politics served up straight, bold and unapologetic in Texas.

I’m speaking, of course, about the brand new 2012 platform of the Texas Republican Party. Epic in scope, breathtaking in its lunacy, this platform covers everything from evolution to space exploration and is a clear, unambiguous glimpse into the worldview of today’s Republican Party — a must-read for all who might be thinking of voting in that direction this November.

The Texas GOP platform reminds you that today’s Republican Party is not your father’s Republican Party. It’s not even his father’s Republican Party. As you read it, you’ll feel as if you’re being transported back in time to an age when scientists were considered evil sorcerers, women needed men and/or the government to decide how to manage their lives, and education was something you did to children, rather than for them.

Education

This is how the new GOP believes kids should be taught about theories of evolution and global warming:

“We believe theories such as life origins and environmental change should be taught as challengeable scientific theories subject to change as new data is [sic] produced.”

Sounds reasonable enough. But I wonder if it would be OK with Republicans if teachers teach their students that it was, indeed, only after many scientific challenges to both of these theories that scientists accepted them as the likely answers to the questions, “How did we develop as a species?” and “Why is the Earth getting so darned warm?”

Though today’s Republicans are big on challenging evolution and man-made global warming, it seems they don’t want children to challenge much of anything.

“We oppose the teaching of Higher Order Thinking Skills (HOTS) (values clarification), critical thinking skills and similar programs that are simply a relabeling of Outcome-Based Education (OBE) (mastery learning) which focus on behavior modification and have the purpose of challenging the student’s fixed beliefs and undermining parental authority.”

As Texas Christian University professor of economics, John T. Harvey, writes in his excellent piece at Forbes,

“… do they really and truly believe that teachers and school boards across the State of Texas are designing curricula specifically aimed at training children to challenge their parents?”

Actually, there are probably very few people who know exactly what the Texas GOP means about critical thinking “undermining parental authority” but they do manage to interject a little paranoia into the old “father knows best” adage.

Harvey continues:

“Were we to implement such a policy, we’d have to be certain that we had already identified the concepts and values that were ‘correct’ (whatever that really means). Even a cursory reading of their platform makes it very clear that this is precisely what Texas Republicans believe and what those concepts and values are. This begs the question, who is really aiming to force their beliefs on our children, Texas schools or Texas Republicans?”

If kids do have the temerity to think critically in class, though, Texas Republicans know what to do.

“We recommend that local school boards and classroom teachers be given more authority to deal with disciplinary problems. Corporal punishment is effective and legal in Texas.”

Women

Or how about Republican plans for women — more specifically, women’s bodies?

It may be approved by the FDA, considered safe and effective by the American Medical Association and available at your local Walgreen’s, but Republicans know better.

“We oppose sale and use of the dangerous ‘Morning After Pill’.”

In their ongoing attempt to send abortion back to its back-alley roots, Republicans want to place themselves firmly between women and their doctors.

“We support legislation banning of abortion after 20 weeks gestation due to fetal pain.”

Once again, the GOP knows better than them smart aleck research scientists, who find no scientific evidence to support such legislation.

The platform does make one sensible pronouncement regarding women, however.

“We strongly support women who choose to devote their lives to their families and raising their children.”

It’s just that the platform declares no such support for women who choose to do anything else.

Homosexuality

Americans are gradually warming to the idea that gay and lesbian folk are as good, bad, decent and indecent as we heteros. We are also beginning to recognize the cruelty, impracticality and unfairness of marginalizing this large segment of the American population. But, Republicans see it a bit differently.

“We affirm that the practice of homosexuality tears at the fabric of society and contributes to the breakdown of the family unit. Homosexual behavior is contrary to the fundamental, unchanging truths that have been ordained by God, recognized by our country’s founders, and shared by the majority of Texans. Homosexuality must not be presented as an acceptable “alternative” lifestyle, in public policy, nor should “family” be redefined to include homosexual “couples.”

Homosexuals have been part of the human family ever since Peking Man found another Peking Man attractive. Not to mention, same-sex attraction occurs in every species, from gut worms to primates. Doesn’t that qualify homosexuality as one of God’s “unchanging truths?”

Anyone thinking about homosexuality with a clear, bias-free mind understands that it is neither a choice nor harmful to society. Who would choose to spend his or her life fighting for rights we straights take for granted? And, can anyone explain to me how on earth I am negatively affected by another person’s fondness for members of his or her own sex?

Voter Beware

There are many more equally nutty views espoused in the platform, including support for returning the dollar to the gold standard, abolishing income tax in favor of a national sales tax, abstinence-only sex-ed, gutting public education and, of course, deregulation, deregulation and more deregulation. But this is what Republicans stand for today. By purging moderates and independent minded conservatives from its ranks, the Republican Party has managed to reduce itself to a thick soup of right wing extremism that even Ronald Reagan would have a hard time recognizing as his beloved Grand Old Party.

It seems every presidential election is hyped as “the most important election in history.” This time, however, it may very well be. And that makes the Texas Republican Party Platform equally important.

Read it, get to know it and then… run screaming back to the Democratic Party. Your nation will thank you.

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Bush knew about 9-11 beforehand; Obama won’t recite the Pledge of Allegiance; the Muslim religion is to blame for just about everything; and Michelle Obama is a pampered spendthrift. How do I know? Forwarded emails told me so.

It is astonishing that fine, upstanding folk who would never dream of lying to their friends face-to-face seem to have no reservations at all about forwarding political cyber-whoppers along to them.

Two forwarded emails I recently found in my in-box are object lessons in political fraud forwarding.

Islam Explained in Layman Terms

Sent to me by an old chum, “Islam Explained in Layman Terms” told me about the fundamental viciousness of the Muslim religion. Originally written by one Dr. Peter Hammond, it contained a neat rundown on the bad things that happen to countries when their percentage of Muslims increases. For example, America has minimal civic trouble because Muslims represent a mere .6% of the population, but Bosnia has a boatload of unrest because its Muslim population hovers around 40%. The presentation appeared very scholarly and seemed to be the product of a lot of painstaking research.

But hold on a minute. Bosnia? Trouble with Muslims…in Bosnia? Wasn’t that where Christian Serbs and Croats decimated their Muslim neighbors in the 80s and 90s with a sustained, official campaign of rape, slaughter and internment in concentration camps? So Hammond was telling me that the skin-and-bone Muslims I saw pleading behind barbed wire back then are now villains? Time to Google this Dr. Hammond guy.

The very first hit on Hammond was his organization, Frontline Fellowship, a group devoted to Christian proselytism in Africa. Its logo, a sword and bible over a silhouette of the continent of Africa. The site also features Hammond’s views on a smorgasbord of subjects, including a lengthy defense of the Crusades and his equally remarkable assertion that “there was no apartheid in Rhodesia.” From the decadence of popes throughout history, to treatises on the “homosexual agenda” and home schooling, Hammond leaves little doubt about his religious and political views.

The next hit on Hammond was a revealing story in IOL News, a Cape Town, South Africa daily. According to the story, Dr. Hammond and his son were in court answering charges of assaulting trick-or-treaters in their neighborhood with paintball guns. Hammond’s stated reason for the 2006 shooting spree: “Halloween is a celebration of the occult.”

Wow.

So this is the Dr. Peter Hammond whose emailed views on Islam have been read, forwarded and cited by millions as gospel, even though it takes a grand total of one minute to discover that Dr. Hammond is the last person you’d ask for objective information on anything religious or political…or on raising sons, for that matter.

Painfully obvious in “Islam Explained in Layman Terms” is Hammond’s complete avoidance of reality in Indonesia, the country with the highest number of Muslims in the world. According to The New York Times: “The overwhelming majority of Indonesians are moderate Muslims who reject violence.” Wall Street Journal: “Thankfully, the majority of Indonesians are moderate and perceive the real threat FPI [terrorists] presents to their way of life and precious civil liberties.” And this from Reuters Africa in an interview with Faisal Rahman, one of hundreds of protesters in Jakarta demanding harsher treatment of Muslim extremists: “Islam and the Prophet’s teachings show that all religions should be treated equally,” said Rahman. “This is not an Islamic nation. People should be able to worship freely.”

Like Muslim extremists and wild-eyed fanatics of every philosophical stripe, Dr. Hammond ignores truths that don’t reinforce his belief system. To him, the only proper religion for everyone is his brand of fundamentalist Christianity, so he has manipulated some statistics, ignored others and created a phony data set to convince you that Islam–the world’s second largest religion–is evil.

Queen Michelle

The next email, ‘Queen Obama,’ exposed the unusually large number of staffers hired for Michelle Obama by her husband’s administration ‘to cater to her every whim and to satisfy her every request in the midst of the Great Recession.’ Originally published in Canada Free Press, the copy/pasted email goes on to explain that no first lady in history has ever spent anywhere near so much taxpayer money on such an army of ‘servants.’

According to the email, predecessor Laura Bush had one staffer, and Hillary Clinton only three. The conclusion: America is being victimized by the unbounded profligacy of Michelle Obama with her twenty-two full timers.

Again, it took virtually no effort to find the Canada Free Press website, where it proudly characterizes itself as a ‘conservative online publication.’ My next stop was FactCheck.com, a site equally loathed by the left and right, or whoever happens to be playing fast and loose with the truth at any given moment. This is what FactCheck told me about staffers for recent first ladies:

‘Hillary Clinton had at least a staff of 13 as of October 1993; 18 as of April 1997; and 19 as of March 2000.’ As for Laura Bush: ‘We were able to verify at least 18 staffers for Laura Bush as of June 30, 2008, via the 2008 White House staff list published in The Washington Post’s ‘White House Watch’ column. The combined annual salaries for the 22 staffers we can specifically identify as working for Michelle Obama come to $1.6 million. For the 18 we could identify as working for Laura Bush in 2008, the total is $1.4 million.’ In addition to the Washington Post, FactCheck’s sources included the archivist for the Clinton Presidential Library and the 2009 Annual Report to Congress on White House Staff.

Critical Thinking in Critical Condition

To believe anything about Islam written by a Crusades apologist with an itchy paintball trigger-finger makes about as much sense as accepting at face value a Michelle Obama exposé published by an outfit that calls itself conservative. Though both reports might have been objective and accurate, the chance of them being so was extremely low.

Yet both of these e-frauds and countless others continue to be circulated by individuals who either/and:

Believe everything they find in their in-boxes

Believe anything authored by a person with ‘Dr.’ in front of his or her name

Believe anything that supports their political views, and want you to believe it too

They seem to forget that their return email addresses, names, and added ‘kinda makes you think’ messages are their own personal endorsements of lies. Circulating these things without checking them out—especially when it’s so incredibly easy to do—undermines their reputations as straight shooters.

Of course, many forwarders don’t care about being straight shooters. For them, the message is all that counts; truth is just an annoying distraction. Forwarding “Islam Explained in Layman Terms” to a fellow Muslim hater is fun and reinforcing. And, sending ‘Queen Michelle’ to a Tea Party-er is a great way to paint Barak Obama as (sing along) an evil overlord who is trying to run America like his own personal fiefdom, and will eventually lead us to a dark, socialistic, third-world existence.

There are only so many fraudulent emails a person can stand. That’s why God blessed us with the spam filter. If truth means anything to the forwarder — and he wants his emails to be considered anything more than a nuisance — he ought to consider doing a little fact checking before hitting “send.”

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