Sunday, January 29, 2012

The last week has been a rather emotional roller coaster for our family. Our family has gratefully never been faced with the death of a loved one. Each day we have gotten closer and closer to saying a final goodbye to grandma. Each night we leave her house wondering if this will be the night, but each morning we wake to find her still with us. It has been a spiritual time for us as we have felt spirits from the other side in my grandparents home preparing not only grandma but us to take grandma to her heavenly home. I feel closer to my grandma now, more than I ever have as I've been able to sit and hold her hand, caress her arms, and listen to her heart from time to time. The last time grandma spoke words to me was last week. My aunt mentioned that she might not be able to see, so I asked her, "Grandma, can you see me?" She answered, "Yes you're as cute as a button, just as you always have been." I turned to my aunt and said, "Yep, she can see perfectly." Friday night I stopped by her home on my way back from the temple. I told her that I'd gone to the temple that day and reminded her of all the Wednesday mornings she spent with Grandpa in the temple. I'm grateful for her example of temple worship. I'm grateful for the plan of salvation that I know I will be with my family forever.
It has been a humbling time as I've watched loved ones sit and hold grandmas hand and tell them they love her, but it has been especially humbling to watch my youngest cousins and my grandpa at her bedside. Last night my cousin who is almost 8 was sitting on a chair next to grandmas bed just watching her. I thought of the memories I have of grandma and the fact that little Reagan will not grow up with memories that I have had. However as I was getting ready to leave last night when grandpa broke out in song, singing to my little cousins the same songs he has always sang to us. It gave me another happy memory and I was glad he hasn't stopped being his goofy self and singing about peanuts and railroads. I watched my 12 year old cousin sit down by grandma yesterday, with tears in his eyes he asked if he could hold her hand. I told him of course he could. He gently picked her hand up and held it. It was so precious. He even felt the need to stay the night with her last night.
My dad is 1 of 10, there are 50 grandchildren ranging from 39 to 3 years old and 81great grand children with 2 on the way. It is amazing how much closer we have become as a family as we have spent many hours together. If I wasn't here I would have missed out on this opportunity.
A few days ago grandpa told grandma he loved her and she said I love you more and then grandpa said, why don't we love each other the same. That's what I want. Someone who thinks they love me more but we love each other the same. It's been neat to watch my dad sit with his mom, love on his mom and I wonder just what he is thinking as he knows she will be going soon. The saddest thing for me is that grandma won't be here when or if I get married. She may not be here physically, but I know she will be there in spirit. But I won't have those pictures that everyone else has had, but I will have the ones that I've taken with her in years past.
It has become very clear to me this week that I'm here for this reason. We had no idea grandma would go down hill this fast. I sat in Sunday School today and realized how ungrateful I have been in having been directed to be home at this time in my life. I am now very grateful that I am here. What I would have missed had I not allowed the Lord to direct my paths. I've learned the true saying that we are often the answers to others prayers. Many of my family members have offered their thanks and gratitude for all that I've been able to do and all that I know. However I don't know when she will go, so please quit asking. So we wait and hope that grandma goes peacefully soon.

Friday, January 27, 2012

Can I just say I love urgent care! I loved the ER, but UC is so much less stressful than ER ever was even on a slow day. I saw 33 yesterday in 12 hours and 10 came in the last 2 hours, so my last 2 hours flew by very quickly. Yes, things are shaping up around here for sure. And I got my first check yesterday. Oh how wonderful it was to finally get a check, because that means I'm finally working. I do have a 5 day stretch off in a few weeks and really need to go somewhere but not quite sure where I should go. Somewhere warm would be nice, but have you seen the plane ticket prices lately? It's like they don't want business or something. I think plane tickets are more now then they were at Christmas. I do enjoy only working 3 days a week. Gives me time to workout, spend time with my sister, open a bank account, and whatever else needs done. I'm off to enjoy the rest of my day in the big city of Twin Falls where I'm going with my cousin to the Temple.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

All or some of my nieces and nephews have been over since 11am and it is nearly 10pm and the twins are still here. Can I say all these kids are quite the handful at times. But at other times they are so cute. Right now I'm listening to the twins laugh over blocks. I don't know what's so funny about blocks but between the 2 of them somethings is pretty funny. Oh, now they are fighting over the blocks. Can we get the laughter back it's much cuter.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

This weekend gave me the opportunity to see charity in action by those in my family. I was reminded of where I learned charity as I saw a book of compiled family stories on my grandpa's side table, a book entitled, "They Taught Me Charity." This book was compiled by my aunt a few years ago. I think there are stories that could be added to it, stories that I have seen first hand of the love that my family has for each other, but especially for my grandmother. Over the past few weeks Grandmas health has drastically declined. Instead of going to the temple as planned yesterday, I spent the entire day and evening at their home. Grandma came home last Monday from the rehab center, where she wasn't progressing. We met with hospice yesterday as we don't feel she has much longer. My heart broke as my Grandfather through sobs, looked over at me and asked what to do and then gave permission for her to be a DNR. There has been a tremendous outpouring of true love from my incredible family. Yesterday and today I saw this as grandchildren, great-grandchildren, children, and in-laws came together. One of my cousins is going through a divorce, life hasn't always been easy for him and because he is much younger than I, I don't know him well, but the compassion and love that I watched him show towards my grandmother touched my heart as he gently touched her and hugged her. I heard that he changed her the night before, I don't think my brothers would have done that. Yesterday grandma slept most of the day. She woke just a little. Only my aunt and grandma were there. This gave me some one on one time with her to rub her feet and hands with lotions and feed her a few teaspoons of applesauce. Today I felt like the Savior was touching grandma as my cousins 5 year old daughter warmed her hands over by the stove, when they were warm she came over to grandma and put her warm little hands on grandmas. I was sitting next to grandma and heard her quietly say, "Thank You." This little 5 year old had heard grandma say she was cold and because she heard this, she showed great charity and love, I would have never thought to do such a sweet, caring action. We learned love and charity from our grandparents. We've sat around and talked about the hours grandma spent in the kitchen baking and then sharing her goodies with friends and family. The spirit in their home feels very close to what I'm sure heaven feels like. I am sure there are heavenly angels in their home preparing to take grandma home when the Lord see's fit for her return.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

We woke up to a few inches of snow this morning! It wasn't suppose to start snowing until after our morning commute, but we got us a little surprise. There is something about waking up to a fresh blanket of snow and even better to see large snowflakes falling from the sky sideways since we had us a lovely wind to top it off. I was a bit skeptical about driving my first time in Idaho snow since it has been a very long time, however I did just fine and so did Betty. We only slid a few times, but since we were only going 5 MPH we didn't go far. I love watching the snow fall from the sky while I sit in a warm building. It's so magical. Our poor clinical administrator tried to keep the sidewalks clear, but at the rate the snow was falling I think by noon she gave up. It was fine, since we didn't really see many patients this morning. I did enjoy the at least 6 inches of snow until it turned to rain. The snow didn't really melt, but is now heavy, especially when I was shoveling Tristens driveway. It was a great workout and something different as I went slipping and sliding on her inclined driveway. I was lucky to make it up the driveway this evening when I returned home to her garage, where Betty is safe and sound for the night. I've been staying at Tristens this week since her husband is out of town on business. Its nice too because it isn't far from work. Now that we have snow in our mountains and the fact that it is suppose to snow up there for the next 3 days, I think I'm getting kind of excited for a ski trip sometime in the near future.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

I'm missing things that I use to use on a day to day basis. I'm missing them because my movers packed most of my stuff and put them in boxes that are stuffed in my storage unit. What are those things you ask, well since I'm a list person lets make a list:

-Apple Perfume that Dr. V told me smelled so good on me but not as good on his wife.

-Black Dansko's, I did take out my red ones, but red doesn't match with everything.

-The cases of Aldi's soup that I just had to bring with me.

-Vera Bradley wallet that matches the Vera Bradley purse I got for Christmas.

-Short sleeved shirts and tank tops that I like to wear underneath sweaters. Seriously don't have any of them and have only a few long sleeved shirts.

-Receipts from 2011 so that I can do my taxes, even though I typically don't do them until June, but I was going to be better this year.

-My family history box. I mean think of all that I could have done over the past 3 months. My Bishop dad called me to be the Family History Consultant last week. I told him that was an old persons calling, even though I like doing family history.

-All of my recipe books, even though I can find all I ever wanted on pinterest. I like my recipes though. Good thing I have the Chocolate Chip Cookie recipe memorized, even though I haven't made any since being home, no special people here to make them for I guess.

-Scrubs and white jackets. Today I went to a store to buy new ones even though I have plenty, including 2 new white jackets still in the plastic wrapping of course somewhere in a box in my storage unit.

-Piano solo books.

-BSU blanket. My mom only has pretty ones that aren't very warming.

-MY BED. OH HOW I MISS YOU!

-My red coat.

-Dresses, however I just remembered there were a few dress boxes out in the garage. I might just have to go out there to see what I can find.

And all because I thought it was a good idea to move. What was I thinking? I will be ever so happy to someday have my normal life back, someday like maybe 6 months from now. Until then I'll remember I can live with out for now, even though I really miss my apple perfume, but why go buy more when I have a new bottle hiding somewhere.

Monday, January 16, 2012

My dad is totally awesome. Every morning he starts my car. Maybe it's because he feels guilty that I can't park in the garage or maybe its just because that's just the guy he is. It's the latter of course. In fact the other day I was going out to start my car and dad asked what I was doing. I told him and he said he would do it. What a man! Handsome NC man use to start my car when it was cold. Love a man that will do that for wimpy me. I love a warm car; it makes me happy. It's so not fun getting in a cold car, unless you have the seat warmer that makes you kind of feel like you wet your pants, but a warm hind end is better than a cold one. This morning when I got in the car it was 19 degrees. When I left the gym this evening it was 25. And tonight when I got home the house was 66. Hello, a little damp and 66=cold. I think I've finally warmed the house up to 73 and all but my toes are warm. We or maybe just I'm really lucky because we haven't had that cold of a winter. In fact our ski resort isn't even open yet; record for sure. It's suppose to snow the end of the week. Lets just hope it snows in the mountains, because dad's not here to drive me in case it does snow. Mom and dad went to Disneyland this week. So jealous. Wish I was there, but instead I'm here finally making a little cash! Tomorrow I'll be spending half my day in Peds and half in ENT. I love ENT, except bugs in ears. Happy Birthday to my dad tomorrow!

Saturday, January 14, 2012

I think I'm going to really love my new job. The people are so nice and the company seems to be highly respected by the community. I have had a great amount of training this week and have 1 more to come before being set free. Yesterday was my first day in clinic. It was great not having to spend my entire day doing pelvics or dealing with chronic pain and drug seekers. When I told patients that their symptoms were related to a virus they didn't demand antibiotics. Yes there were a few quirky things, but for the most part it was a great day. It is weird to me that they don't have disposable suture kits and I can actually give samples to patients, but these are little things that I can get use to. It is also great that I don't really have to carry a pen because everything I do is electronically stamped with my signature. The EMR system is the easiest I have yet had to learn, even though there is a lot I still need to learn. I'm sure every day won't be great, but the stress level of urgent care is much less than the ER. I love working only 3 days a week and I even have my schedule almost 3 months out. Give me a few months and I'll feel like I fit right in.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

I started re-reading the Book Of Mormon again this week, as it is what we will be studying in Sunday School this year. I read it every day regardless of what we are studying in SS, but it always feel different when we are studying it together as a ward. It is a testimony to me that every time we read the BOM we learn new things, regardless of how many times we read it. This time around I have made it a priority to catch commandments or phrases that tell us to do things, like repent, arise, go and do, etc. The other day I was reading in 1Nephi where Nephi's brothers bound him with cords. Nephi prayed and the Lord loosed them. The thing that stuck out to me was in Chapter 7 after his brothers had asked Nephi for his forgiveness in verse 20. He says in verse 21, "I did frankly forgive them all that they had done. I did exhort them that they would pray unto the Lord their God for forgiveness." He forgave them and then told them to go to the Lord and repent. I have thought of the phrase "frankly forgive" several times in the past few days since reading this. How many times do I frankly forgive when someone offends me, judges me, or hurts my feelings? I am rather quick to forgive most times or at least I think I am, but sometimes I let the thought linger. In other words, I'm not frankly forgiving, if I let it linger. I need to work on this and hope that I can improve in this aspect. The thing I love about Nephi is that he forgave them in that instant and never brought it up again. To me, forgiving someone means to never bring up the offense again, never throwing it back into their faces again. We never read in the scriptures where Nephi holds a grudge against his brothers, even though they did such mean things to him. He forgave them and felt bad for their wrong choices.
I went to a fireside tonight on Scripture Study. It was a wonderful fireside. I didn't hear anything that I didn't know, but was reminded of things that maybe I need to work on. Here are some of the notes I took: Great things happen with daily scripture study. There is power in the scriptures when we read them. Helamen 5:12 teaches as long as you have a foundation of anything including scripture study, you can always rebuild. Do I feast on the words of Christ or do I nibble? We can call upon God and receive strength no matter where we are. The scriptures have real answers to real life questions and problems. Scriptures transform people. When decisions include the scriptures good things happen. Our conditions don't determine our destiny, our decisions determine our destiny. In Joshua 1 the words be strong and of a good courage are repeated 4 times.
As I was listening to this talk tonight, I thought of the many times where answers to my prayers came as I was studying my scriptures, listening to uplifting music, and studying talks from general conference. How grateful I am for the direction I have in my life through prayer and scripture study.

It's only 12 hours until I get to be a responsible adult again. Yep, I can hardly wait. I might have to take a taste of a sleeping pill so that I can fall asleep before 1am, which seems to be the norm lately. I do go to bed around 10:30 every night, it's just the falling asleep part that I've had an issue with. Maybe it is all that I have on my mind lately that won't let me sleep. Well, it's time to put those thoughts to bed tonight so that I will be bright eyed and bushy tailed ready for some admin time. You see, I'm not working clinic for the next week, because I need to learn their EMR so that I can chart patients in a timely manner. Back to the sleeping in thing...It's not like I can't get up or don't wake up early on a regular basis. You see every morning at 7:23 an alarm rings in my room for 1 minute. Initially I thought it was coming from the other empty room downstairs, but after searching for it and not finding it, I realized it was coming from the room I slept in. The culprit is a watch that I bought when I went on the trek. It is somewhere buried in my box of jewelry that I brought with me from Charlotte. And it has been going off every day for 1 1/2 years because I don't know how to turn it off. So I have been waking up at 7:23 every morning for the past 3 months, but I've enjoyed being lazy and laying there until I either fall back asleep or get up sometime after at least 8. I know you are all jealous of my laziness, but come tomorrow, I'm right back with you mother's with young children, mother's with early morning seminary students, and those of you who have to go out in the big bad world of business. Cheers for early morning's...

Saturday, January 7, 2012

My 3 month slightly unwanted vacation is coming to a close. This has been a time for me to gain 4 pounds, spend more than enough time on pinterest, and let me realize how much I love working. I once had 5 1/2 months off between jobs and said I'd never do it again, but this time around has been rather pleasant. This time I'm not alone in a place that I don't know well and this time it's been around the holidays, instead of a hot, humid summer. It really has been fun to not have any responsibility, deadlines, or early mornings, however that just isn't me. I like responsibility, knowing someone is relying on me to fix their aliment, and looking forward to a much needed day off where I get a lot accomplished in a short 12 hour time span. I will admit however that I'm not really a morning person, but come Monday morning I better become one. They say it only takes 6 weeks to develop a new routine. Lets hope it only takes 6 days or it will be a long 6 weeks.
It's not like I haven't done anything in the past 3 months. I really have. In the last 3 month I have taken 2 trips to SLC, shopped for and found a gym, gone to lunch with girlfriends, talked on the phone a lot to handsome NC man, tried new recipe's, spent lots of time with nieces and nephews, my cousin Alisha, my sisters, my mom, and my grandma's, read some and wasted only a little time looking at blogs ok, maybe a little more than a little time. I wish I'd have done more crafty stuff, but when the crafty stuff is in a storage unit it's nonsense to buy more stuff, when you know you have it somewhere in a box.
I'm sure come March I will be ready for a vacation, especially after flu season, but maybe since we have had a spring like winter, flu season will skip us. I must admit it has been nice to have December temperatures in the 50's. But it would have been nice if the ski resorts were open, but nice temps=no snow. Think of all the skiing I could have done in the past 3 months.
So for today and tomorrow I will read and maybe find something crafty to do and tomorrow I will enjoy one more day of sleeping in 'til 8am.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Learn how to crochet different patterns, hopefully from my Aunt CarolMake a flatter abdomen

Get my passport, I know last years goal...

Go to Europe or at least somewhere I can use my passport

Try working out with a kettle ball

Buya pentax cameraBe more positiveLearn more about photography and editingEat more vegetables

Sell my house and my carEnjoy more pedicures and massages

Spendmore time studying gospel topicsJudgeless

Change my workout schedule often

Get up earlier to work out before work; this might take some work

Make a blog book

Becomemore organized, when if I ever move out of mom and dads!Changemy hair styleDrawup plans for my dream housePlay the piano moreGiggle with my sister's on girls tripsRead to my nieces and nephews regularlyAttend the temple monthly (have to drive 2 hrs to Twin Falls since Boise is closed)Buymuch less, Save much moreEnjoy more sunsets and sunrisesTake mid-afternoon and evening walksTreasure life's little momentsTakemore mini-tripsDiscover the state I live inGo to more live performances in my communityMake more phone calls to people I miss Fly more kitesBuy a pair of rain boots and a matching umbrellaServe oftenLet go of control and just Enjoy the ride!

About Me

I'm a daughter, sister, favorite auntie, friend, physician assistant, lover of candy, tulips, fruit, a good salad, traveling adventures, a good book, style, flip flops, spinach shakes, Boise State Football and cooking, who happened to be diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer in June 2013 and will fight like no other to live a positive, happy, vibracious, exciting life as a survivor and overcomer!