Read some thoughts, poems, song lyrics, quotes and other meaningful things from a lady who thinks too much, lives each day sitting in a wheelchair, feels deeply, and enjoys life, especially orange coloured objects, music, tea, laughing, and hanging out with the cool folk.

Friday, July 31, 2009

Today my tummy hurts. The sun is out, but I don't feel like enjoying it. Not every day can be good, right? I went to Starbucks last night. I had a huge craving for a decaf. My mind wouldn't rest until I honoured it. The coffee was good, but I'm starting to wonder if it was decaf, because I couldn't sleep. I was tired, but my mind wouldn't rest. I hate that but I did make the choice to have coffee that late. Decaf or not, it's a bit risky. I haven't heard from home yet today. I'm worried.......I feel like going home myself. Mom and Dad are busy with grandpa, so it's not a good time. I'm so tired. I want to sleep. I miss my parents. I sound like a little girl. We all feel sick sometimes. I'll be OK. Tomorrow will be better.All I did today was eat cereal, drink coffee, eat a red pepper, yogurt and an apple. Then I went to the drugstore and filled my prescription. My day wasn't that exciting, was it? I have to remember to pick up my medication later. I also have to find diet grape Kool-Aid. Most important on my to-do list is to find Varsity Theater. The Observer and myself are going to see Harry Potter. I'm going to be in a better mood. It's hours away. Movies help me forget my problems. Maybe that's why they are popular. No matter who we are, we all need a form of escapism from the challenges of life - or in my case today - a sore stomach. Harry will help keep my mind of my rolling tummy; unless he has an upset stomach too and then I'm screwed!- OCG

Thursday, July 30, 2009

You know that sad, dark, empty feeling that can come over you at any point for absolutely no reason? I had sadness wash over me last night. My heart felt heavy, my mind empty and my soul very dark. Finding the energy to smile felt like a very big chore. Talking to my parents and hearing updates on my grandfather worried me. He's still in hospital and they are waiting for test results. Mom says that Grandpa keeps pulling out his intravenous and won't let doctors draw blood. He doesn't understand. I don't blame him for being upset. Grandpa is in pain and we all feel miserable when we hurt.

I quickly met the Observer and his friend yesterday at a Tim Hortons. Since they don't often see each other, I thought it was important that the Observer and his friend have some male bonding time. Since the Observer was so close to my apartment. I had to see him. It would be wrong if I didn't. I only stayed at Tim Hortons for a short while. I was there long enough to say hello, see how the Observer looked in the latest shirt (pretty darn cute, I've got to say!) and give the Observer a quick goodbye kiss.

In gloomy spirits, I don't think I was very good company. The guys were having fun though. At the risk of sounding like a coffee snob, I have to admit that I prefer Starbucks coffee over Tim Hortons nowadays. After routinely having Starbucks, my coffee palate has become discerning. I didn't have coffee with the guys last night. If it's not the very best, what's the point? That said, when I really need coffee, any kind will do. To me, Starbucks coffee is to Tim Hortons coffee as a Kobe beef hamburger is to a MacDonald's hamburger. They are both classed as the same thing, but are in different leagues when it comes to quality.

Anxious to get home and hear news about my grandfather, I left the guys quickly. I talked to Dad, but he couldn't say much. It's a waiting game until Grandpa's tests come back. Having made lunch plans with a family friend for today, I wanted to give her a heads up that I would meet her at the restaurant and that Mom wouldn't be coming. I lost my friend's number. Her last name is "Williams" and I tried to find it but there are a thousand people who share her name listed in the phonebook. I called information and looked it up in the phonebook with no success.

Feeling upset and worried, I started thinking about how my jeans were tight and that I needed to lose weight. When I'm upset, that's where my head goes. It's how I cope. The Observer called. Hearing his voice made me feel so much better. He brought me out of my mood and back to life. I feel so lucky to have him. The Observer e-mailed my friend for me and modified our plans. He was a huge help. *Thank you Observer for being my e-mailing assistant and more important, for helping lift my spirits out of the clouds and back to the land of living.* We should all be so blessed.

Today was sunny and warm. I was worried my friend didn't get the e-mailing changing our plans. This morning I called the Observer and interrupted his booking. I called twice and probably drove him crazy. He's too sweet to say so. Upon checking my e-mail for me, the Observer found a reply from my friend confirming our plans. I was relief. I am calmed by set plans. I saw my favourite attendant and she started my day on a happy note. Before meeting my friend, I stopped at a store and a woman in a wheelchair was trying to barter the price of a mango. Worried I would be late for our lunch, I wanted to say,"For goodness sake's woman, just pay for the fruit. This isn't a pawn shop or auction!" I stayed quiet.

Lunch was fun. My family friend is very special. Seeing her is a breath of fresh air. Being Mom's age, she is wise and a wonderful role model. We caught up seated in a slightly swanky Italian restaurant. People watching and eating grilled salmon over Greek salad made for an excellent start to my afternoon. Thanking my friend for lunch, I made my way to the drugstore where I bought exfoliated wash and cinnamon gum. The cashier was helpful.

My next stop was the St. Lawrence Market. I browsed a stand selling hand made baby clothes. The woman was friendly and I told her I would be back. Inside the market, I browsed more stands, but wanted to give her business. The woman's sweetness won me over. Needing top quality coffee, I bought a coffee that was made from a blend from Peru. It hit the spot. I went back to the market and bought a gift from the stand I had my eye on. The woman thanked me for returning. I smiled. Good people do good business.

My face feels fresh after being exfoliated. After feeling so down last night, I am glad today was so pleasant. My favourite saying is, "Everything passes." One day can be totally different than the previous. We just have to wait it out.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

If most of our day is good, we are lucky, aren't we? Tuesday was ninety per cent enjoyable. My attendant in the morning made me a yummy, hot breakfast and my coffee was the best I had all week. I went to the library and just missed the rain. Luck was on my side. I stopped in at home for a quick lunch and pit stop. My all-time favourite attendant is back from a year of maternity leave. Seeing her made my day. She remembers my routine perfectly and is right back to tip-top shop. I am impressed, but not surprised. I respect that she takes such good care of herself. I loved hearing an update on her family and new baby. Rushing to catch a taxi, we said we'd catch up later.The driver who took me to Sherway mall to meet the Observer was friendly. He asked how I was twice, a sign of courtesy. The Observer treated me to coffee, even though I objected. When I got to the mall, I was pretty tired, but my spirits lifted as soon as I had my coffee. It's a magical beverage. We talked for a bit. It felt good to get some feelings off my chest. The Observer is patient and understanding. Most days I complain about the same things - my sore stomach, my weight or my attendants. He listens. I had a yummy salad with sunflower seeds. The woman I bought it from was sweet and helpful. I'll go back because of her.The sun was out by the time the Observer and I left the mall. Our buses showed up at the same time. My bus driver was prompt and got me home early. I had a snack and picked up with the same attendant where we left off earlier. If I had to see the same person twice in one day, I'm glad it was her.As the evening wore on, my stomach started giving me trouble. Thankfully I had scheduled personal care just in time, but the attendant complained about having to help me. It's her job! I was mad, but felt better after venting to the Observer. He gets my feelings because he deals with similar challenges. Once in my bed, I had bad cramps. I couldn't sleep. The grumpy attendant didn't complain, but she wasn't very compassionate. Whatever....two out of three of my attendants were good.Today it's been gray, rainy, and dreary. My stomach is fine. The repairman came to fix my refrigerator. He said it was a simple problem. He was pleasant. I'm glad my refrigerator will work. Now, all my food won't freeze. Dad called to check in and tell me that my grandfather was taken to hospital by ambulance with a sore back. He probably needs strong medication. I hope Grandpa will be alright.So, things are pretty good, but not perfect. That's life though, right? It's been a summer of rain and sunshine, which is how I think of today. We need a little darkness to appreciate the light, don't we?- OCG

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Last night I needed a decaf coffee. My stomach was gurgling and I needed to drink something soothing. My mind wouldn't stop thinking about coffee until I finally bought one. For a while now, I've wanted to go back to this funky, urban-like cafe on Church Street. The Observer and I have visited before. The coffee is in the same league as Starbucks, but their store isn't as busy and there aren't so many choices. The guys who work behind the counter are cute too, which is an added bonus. I can tell that they are a business who take coffee seriously. Once I took a sip of my coffee, the guy who made it for me asked if it was OK. "It's perfect," I said. My coffee was perfect - made with just the right amount of soy milk. I like when coffee servers ask if my order is OK after I have it. They care, and it makes me want to come back and give them more business. The music playing in the cafe was from SiriusSatellite Radio. I think it was the coffee house station. Considering where I was, that would make sense. As I was leaving, a server held the door open, which is another check mark for good service in my books. I banged the door on the way out, but still smiled and thanked him.I stopped and bought zucchini on the way home. My fridge is freezing everything and I wanted to test it. Watery vegetables freeze the fastest. Once home, Mom called and told me I shouldn't be out so late, that coffee and buying zucchini could have waited until daylight. Maybe she was right, but a girl needs vegetables and a coffee to settle her stomach. Whether it's light or dark outside, sometimes I need to get out and live. Funny enough, my gurgles stopped. Maybe my stomach was bored.I didn't fall asleep right away. Maybe my coffee wasn't decaf. I watched a show on TLC called The BIG Pregnancy about two little people who had a baby. It was good, but not as good as The Little Couple, a series about newlyweds who are little people too. The Little Couple features more positive people and both the husband and wife are successful. The wife is a doctor and the husband is a businessman. Perhaps it's unfair of me to make a judgement on a couple who are dealing withe stress of a new baby. It's a life-changing and any couple would be stressed - tall or short. Could that be the message of The BIG Pregnancy? The Little Couple may still be living in newlywed bliss where they are free to enjoy open evenings and free time. I'm in no rush to have children. I love going out at night to enjoy a coffee. Though it's often dark, I'm young and I can hold my own. The question of whether I can hold my own baby is still unanswered, but I've got time to sort it out...- OCG

Monday, July 27, 2009

We had a weekend of rain. There was a small flood in my apartment. I'm glad it wasn't a big one. I'm glad I was home to realize there was a problem. The weekend superintendent came to check out the damage. He's young and helpful. There wasn't much he could do, but at least he cared.

I saw The Proposalwith the Observer. It was our second attempt. I had to leave the theater the first time because my bladder was bursting. Unfortunately, my bladder was full this time around too, but I was able to sit through the movie. It was cute, sweet and predictable. Betty White was funny.Needing to pee, I arranged for my bus to come and get me early. I was glad they could be so accommodating, but was sad to leave the Observer. He understood. When we've got to pee, nothing else matters.My family had a small dinner. My brother's chatty girlfriend kept my ears active. I like how she is herself without having to prove anything. She's good for my brother. There were a few moments when I almost choked because I was laughing so hard. Mom showed me pictures from my sister's wedding. They were beautiful.

My sister is on her honeymoon doing a walking tour of Spain. It's not your typical honeymoon, but my sister isn't your typical bride. The trip is meant for walking, reflecting and sightseeing. My sister called last night to say herself and her husband are well. A walking tour sounds like it would be interesting, but maybe I think so because I've never walked. If we've never experienced something, sometimes our fantasy is better than reality. I don't think this is a bad thing. Imaginations keep hope alive. Movies tap into our imaginations and make us forget about the rain or the fact that we have to pee - for a little while anyway.- OCG

Recently, in a large French city, a poster featuring a young, thin and tanned woman appeared in the window of a gym. It said: THIS SUMMER DO YOU WANT TO BE A MERMAID OR A WHALE? A middle aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym.

To Whom It May Concern: Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans). They have an active sex life, they get pregnant and have adorable baby whales. They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with shrimp. They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia, the Barren Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia. Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs. They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans. They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world. Mermaids don't exist. If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of Argentinean psychoanalysts due to identity crisis. Fish or human? They don't have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them not to mention how could they have sex? Therefore they don't have kids either. Not to mention who wants to get close to a girl who smells like a fish store? The choice is perfectly clear to me; I want to be a whale. P.S. We are in an age when media puts into our heads the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my kids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver and a coffee with my friends. With time we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So we aren't heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy. Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, Good gosh, look how smart I am........

Saturday, July 25, 2009

I wouldn't call myself a feminist. The label sounds a bit radical and I'm not big on any. Labelling is restrictive and a bit dangerous. People have labelled me throughout my whole life. Perhaps that's why I don't like labels. I'm thinking about labels because yesterday I went to a women's group for people who have disabilities.(Female people - that is!) Before I realized that it would be a women's only event, I asked if I could bring the Observer. Thank goodness I didn't. One look at the crowd and I'm sure the Observer would have high tailed it to the closest movie theater. The group meets every few months. There are some smart, friendly ladies in the group. Most are older than me and they teach me much just by being there. Seeing articulate, older, well-dressed, successful, family orientated women gives me hope. The women I saw yesterday were particularly inspiring because they face similar daily struggles as myself. If they have survived and thrived here on earth longer than myself, I am optimistic that I can too. Last night we had a barbecue. It rained off and on all day so I was a bit worried that the barbecue would be indoors. The sun came out right before I got there. I love timing that cooperates with social events! Who doesn't?

The place was busy, loud and crowded. Lots of people who use wheelchairs in one room leaves little space. I saw my friend Sarah. Years ago, Sarah and I were part of a summer program on a university campus. I loved being a part of the program. It gave me confidence to be independent and I met amazing friends - including a significant boyfriend. Every time I see Sarah, I am reminded of the summer we met. Seeing her makes reminisce, which is good. Sarah and I sat at our own table for a bit. I'm not sure why no one else sat with us, but we had a good talk. Sarah's health has been poor lately. She spent four months in hospital. Now Sarah is living in a retirement home. I was a bit surprised to hear this update. Sarah seemed to value her independence in the same way I do. She would be one of the last people I would think would go into a retirement home. Sarah said she enjoys being around people instead of living alone. I understand. Still though, is a retirement home really the most appropriate setting for a twenty-six-year-old female? I'm wondering if her room-mates are all sixty-years-old and up. I was afraid to ask as I didn't want to appear too intrusive. Whatever works for Sarah and makes her happy is what matters.

After dinner, there was a guest speaker on an event called Take Back The Night, a rally and march supporting women everyone. I support women, but the whole vibe was a bit anti-male. I like men. The march is considered illegal, because organizers don't want male police officers interfering. I understand why, but don't rally participants need protection, especially those with disabilities? What's wrong with female officers standing up? I don't think I will be participating directly in the event.

The second part of the evening focused on breast health. Hospitals are finally finding the right equipment and support for women with disabilities to have mammograms. By the time I need one, everything should be set. I am glad (sort of...) Women at the BBQ shared their frustrations over the inaccessible health care system. I could relate, but I can't discount how far society has come. At least it's recognized that women with disabilities need paps meres and mammograms period. It took society a bit to get here. Let's not jump too far ahead.

Once home, I felt tired and sunburned. I needed a coffee. I went to Starbucks and ordered a decaf. It was soothing. Seated beside me were two university students discussing the value of optimism ism and kindness. One said that if you see the good in everything, your life will change. His friend agreed but pointed out that by not saying when someone annoys us, we risk blowing up in anger eventually. I agree with both and believe it's all about finding balance between optimism, truth and forgiveness.

Just as I was about to take my last sip of coffee, a complete stranger came up to me and passed a little computerized note that said, "You are beautiful". I thanked her and told her to "enjoy her evening." Did she pass me the note because I'm disabled and use a wheelchair? Did I appear to need a confidence boost? I analysed why the girl chose me to pass her note to. I'll never know, but does it matter? - OCG

Friday, July 24, 2009

Today is a bit cool outside. It's probably the wind that makes it feel breezy. I'm feeling a bit under the weather. My stomach is giving me problems. It's behaving very unpredictably. My attendants have all been understanding. I'm lucky. They must realize that my stomach problems aren't my fault. For the last little while, my stomach has been pretty good, so I guess I can't complain. Tomorrow will be better.

I went to the St. Lawrence Market this morning. I debated over going as there was light rain, but I knew Mom and Dad needed bread and bagels. I was hungry, so I bought myself a fresh fruit cup and ate it off my lap. While chowing down, a tenant in my building stopped and said hello. I was concentrating so hard on balancing my fruit that it took me a minute to recognize her. After stunned silence from me, she asked how I was. On a more relaxed day, I would be more chatty. Stress causes lack of friendliness - for me at least. Hopefully I'll see her again when I'm more at ease. The man who sold it to me got me a fork. He knows the fruit cup is my regular purchase. The bread bakery is on the basement floor and is always crowded. In a rush, I decided to go to my second favourite bakery on the main floor. I got my parents loaves of muesli and caraway rye bread. Mom asked for cranberry but hopefully she won't mind. I got the usual dozen bagels from St. Urbain bakery. The girl at the counter asked how I was. Being so stressed, I almost forgot to answer. I did and asked her the same. St. Urbain bakery has top notch service. Maybe that's why it's my weekly ritual to visit there. I like how people remember me.I slept well last night. I can't remember what I watched on TV, so I must have fallen asleep quickly. At around ten 'o clock, I thought about going to Starbucks and having a decaf coffee with soy milk, but settled on raspberry herbal tea. It was good, but not as good as coffee would have been. Sometimes not giving myself something that I want is good. I like to treat myself, but not too much.Lately I've been craving zucchini, so I bought some today. I'm looking forward to it. Zucchini reminds me of a fat cucumber, except it has more flavour. Zucchini seems to be in season. I see it in stores a lot right now. Seeing something often makes me crave it. Actually, NOT seeing something or someone for a while causes a craving too. It's been two weeks since I've been home. I'm missing my family. I'll see them in a few days. Craving their company is not quite the same as craving zucchini. When the need for zucchini strikes, it's easy to head to the store and buy some. Seeing my family is more complex, but much more gratifying than any green vegetable. Both are good for health and the soul, but unlike zucchini, my family's benefit goes directly to my heart.- OCG

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Do you ever feel lost - like you have no energy to go out or do anything productive, even though there is lots you could do? That's how I feel today. I haven't done much. On Thursdays, I always get to sleep in late, so that's a bonus. If I can't sleep on Wednesday nights, I don't stress too much because I know I have extra time the next morning. It's a plus.

While at the library yesterday, a man appeared to have a seizure. I was sitting not too far away, but could only hear trouble. A library patron notified security that the man was rocking back and in his chair and looked as though he was having a heart attack. I could hear him making loud noises to show he was in distress. By the time security got to the man, he was foaming at the mouth. The security guard asked the man if he was alright, but he was convulsing. The man went under the table and stayed on the floor. He regained consciousness by the time paramedics arrived. The man couldn't speak clearly and didn't know his name or whereabouts. He couldn't remember coming to the library. Poor guy...

The paramedics who arrived discovered the man was diabetic. They seem to assume that dips in the man's blood sugar were the source of his troubles. There assumption would seem fair. Paramedics gave the man an intravenous and tested his sugar on the spot. They sounded surprised to learn his blood sugar was normal. They left to take the man to hospital. Hopefully he is alright. It's a blessing the distressed man was in a public place where he could get the right help. At least, he can't remember the actual medical crisis. Recalling such an incident would be scary. Our bodies must somehow know this and that's why our minds take a rest. Our minds and bodies can't deal with too much stimulation.

Rushing home from the library, I heard a male voice call my name. I had to stop. I would be rude to keep moving. I saw my grade eleven law teacher walking with his wife. It's been years since I've seen him. I suppose this is true of many people who are no longer in high school. We caught up on the last six years and he asked about my family. He and his wife live quite close to me. I don't think I'll be invited over for dinner. He's a good guy and his wife seemed lovely, but socializing would be weird. Once I see anyone as an authority figure, it's hard to look at them differently.

I wore a tank top yesterday. I'm not big on showing much skin, but something made me wear my old navy sleeveless top yesterday. The whole time I was talking to my teacher, I kept thinking about my tight, skin hugging top and how my nipples were popping out. I wanted to say, "I don't usually dress this way." The whole embarrassing tank top run in taught me that we should ALWAYS dress in a way that showcases our pride rather than our nipples.

The Observer came over later. I don't usually have such cute visitors during the week, so I was a happy girl. Unfortunately, he was frustrated with his attendant care. I understand. Hopefully he would agree. We looked for a store selling bus tickets but the closest grocery store stops selling them past afternoon hours. I went to the next grocery store that sells tickets, but they were out. I bought lettuce and an apple. Leaving without any purchase felt strange and who doesn't need lettuce and an apple, right? Red leaf lettuce was on sale for ninety nine cents per small head. The leaves are a bit wilted, so that's probably why. I have to eat the lettuce quickly, but I don't mind. It's healthy.We ended the night at Starbucks. My decaf Americano coffee with soy milk was delicious. In retrospect, today might been boring but yesterday had enough action for two days. Every day is different and that's good.- OCG

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

The air is sticky today. Outside is warming up. Do you ever hear people say, "That's it. That's all?" I just heard someone on the street use this phrase. It's like using two of the same words. This works when we really want to make a point I guess. "That's it. That's all" must mean something is definitely over. No question.One of my favourite Canadian documentaries was rebroadcasted last night. I saw A Short Life Captured in December and didn't forget how powerful and emotional it was. A filmmaker follows families of infants who are so sick, premature or brain damaged that they aren't expected to survive. A photographer takespictures of families with their dying babies. The pictures serve as a reminder of the child, but are also meant to help families heal. Listening to different stories of families who have lost babies is heartbreaking, but seeing the beautiful photos was captivating. Photographers discussed, how in the past, the death of an infant was considered a taboo topic. The loss of a little life was too sad to talk about. Now, we are more receptive to being open about pain. I think the more honest we can be about our feelings the better.I fell asleep before the show was over. Maybe my mind knew that I had already seen the documentary, so it was okay to fall asleep. I saw enough of A Short Life Captured to appreciate human life, even though it can be short. The babies I saw were beautiful. Every baby is a gift from God.For the last few days I have been a little grumpy. My attendants have been getting on my nerves. It's nothing they are doing; it's me. I need to snap out of it, laugh and be happy. My grumpiness is ruining perfectly good days and must end now. That's it. That's all.- OCG

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Where is summer is this city? I tell you one thing, it's not here. Being the end of July, the weather is usually hot or at least warm. Shorts and air conditioning get a lot of use. The summer of 2009 hasn't been hot. It's been room temperature (not too hot and not too cold). We haven't had any heat waves or dry spells. It's been pleasant and tolerable, but a bit odd. The city is in the middle of a twenty nine day garbage strike. The cool breeze we've been getting is stopping the streets from being filled with stink. There is good behind weird weather. You'd think the streets would be piled high with garbage. This is a big city. People produce waste. Strangely, I don't find the streets too bad. They smell, but it's not a "knock you down" kind of stench. Twenty nine days is a long time with no clean-up. Our government must have hired some private clean-up companies. How else can we breath?I have a new wheelchair motor. For the last two months, I have been using a loaner. The technician who came to install the motor was friendly. He's my usual repairman. To do his job, he had to lift my wheelchair onto these huge metal blocks. His strength impressed me. Being an electric wheelchair, the machine probably weighs about three hundred pounds AND I was sitting in it. Can you say heavy? The technician had to set my speeds. He has a habit of setting the speeds too low, so I told him to aim on the higher side. So far, my speed is good.I had a stellar sleep last night. Both the Observer and I were exhausted. I knew I was tired when I didn't think I had the energy to turn on the TV. My eyes closed pronto. Sometimes I think we need a few poor sleeps to appreciate good ones. My attendant this morning was very sweet. I've seen her a lot in the last few days. On Sunday, the same attendant put me to bed and got me up in the morning. If I'm going to see a person twice in less than twelve hours, it's a bonus if the person is friendly and does a top not job. I got lucky.If the streets were more smelly and garbage infested, I wouldn't want to be lingering. Today has been full of sweetness, but I can't stop looking for summer...- OCG

Monday, July 20, 2009

I'm thinking about the past weekend. I had fun. The Observer and I went to a Stag and Doe for friends who are getting married on September 5. We didn't know many people and we're not big on games, gambling or other money making ventures, but it was all about supporting the bride and groom. Most of the crowd was older and family of our friends. They were sweet. The bride to be has great friends. I click well with them all, so I enjoyed catching up with them. Being around like minded people is always a bonus. The Observer was shy, so I was happy to keep him company. He forked out some cash for his friends. He's a groomsman on their big day. He's going to look sharp. I liked seeing my friends' parents. They are just as amazing as my own. Taxi drivers who regularly transport our engaged friends showed up to support their marriage. To me, this says a lot about the kind of people our friends are and even more about the taxi drivers. Kindness attracts kindness.

Yesterday the Observer came to see me. Again, like on Friday, our plan was to see a movie. By mid-afternoon, I was hungry for dinner. When I'm hungry, I really can't focus on a movie. The Observer knows this, so we stopped for sandwiches. Of course, I was chatty, so our quick bite wasn't so quick. There weren't any movies I really wanted to see. Why see a movie just for the sake of seeing one? Being the movie lover he is, I know the Observer would see a movie anytime, but when he is around, I like to spend time catching up. We couldn't think of what to do with ourselves, so we spent an hour people watching. We saw people crowding around police officers on horse back. Everyone was taking pictures, patting the horses and chatting. Horses draw a crowd. They are beautiful and well trained. Since my Dad worked down-town as an policemen training riders for a long time, I often want to ask the officers if they know my Dad. In any crowd, I become very shy and there is always a crowd around the horses. I wanted the Observer to ask if the officers knew Dad but he got shy too. I don't blame him.

We went exploring for a Casey's restaurant. I know there is one close to Union Station, but I've never been able to find it. That's my goal. Casey's has delicious, gooey, icing covered chocolate cake. It's sweet tooth approved. We couldn't find the restaurant and time was ticking, so we opted on the nearest Starbucks. It's the biggest one I've seen with plenty of tables and space. I was super sleepy, so I had a regular caffeine loaded cup with soy milk. It was tasty. The Observer's mocafrappicuno wasn't double blended, but they fixed his beverage and he was a happy slurpper.

After saying goodbye to the Observer, I decided to hit the sack early. Exhausted and knowing I needed to wake up early for an appointment, I figured the extra sleep would do me good. I watched parts of a cheesy movie on the Women's Television Network and saw Without A Trace. It's usually too scary to watch before bed, but I was so tired I didn't care. Waking up early this morning was quiet and relaxing. I had a leisurely breakfast, brushed my teeth and exercised while watching a taped documentary called Music and The Brain. It's my second time watching it, but it's interesting.

Mom met me halfway to my appointment. She picked up bread and bagels and my laundry. It was a short visit and I miss her. I need to go home soon. I am craving my family. All of my bus trips went smoothly today, which is always a plus. The Observer was able to get a last minute trip and we met me for dinner. I was happy he got a ride. I missed him. We had time to kill, so we took a scenic route to Moxie's Restaurant. The place is a bit swanky and classy. Since it's a bit hidden from a highway, it's never crowded. The Observer started with naan bread and I had lemon wedges. His entree was pasta with chicken and mine was cheese pizza. I enjoyed the pizza, especially since it was the perfect size. The Observer shared his garlic bread. For dessert I had a scope of ice cream with chocolate sauce. The dinner was good, but I am sad that we didn't have time for coffee. I really can't complain because at least the Observer and I got to see each other. Bonus time with someone I love beats any coffee.- OCG

Sunday, July 19, 2009

* Zucchini* My exercise pole* The buy one get one free deal on gum at Shoppers Drug Mart* Having a different attendant than usual now and then* The Observer's visits* Living close to so many movie theaters* Veggie Subs* Being able to go to bed early should I need to* New days* Love* Coffee with soy milk and Splenda* Sleep- OCG

Saturday, July 18, 2009

It's impossible to know what will happen in an evening. I learned this last night. The Observer came to visit me. I was happy to see him as it had been a few days. We chatted and caught up for a bit. I was glad we didn't go out right away. I had a coffee with my dinner and it went through me quickly. Lately, I've been trying to stop drinking coffee after lunch. It's easier to sleep. Yesterday, by around five thirty, I knew I NEEDED another cup or else I would fall asleep. I guess my lack of rest from the night before caught up to me. I had a good strong cup and felt more energetic. Seeing the Observer brightened my mood. He always makes me happy. I felt bad for the Observer because he was having issues with the bathroom himself. When I urgently had to go, I felt guilty as I knew he would do the same if he were able. I compare it to watching another person eat a cookie or a piece of cake when we're on a diet. Sure, everyone has the right, but it sucks when we can't. The Observer understands, but I still felt like it was unfair.

Drizzly rain came as we left to have coffee. I had a craving to go a distance. I usually do and it's not always the right time. Just as we decided to go to our coffee shop that gives us a scenic route, the Observer confessed that he was worried about how his wheelchair would handle the rain. His controller has a habit of dying when it gets wet. My adventurous side reassured him that he would be fine. He was.....most of the way. Just as we were going to cross the street where the coffee shop was, the Observer's wheelchair froze. He panicked. Anyone would. A sweet couple with comforting English accents pushed him to the shop. They were so helpful. Once inside, the gentleman was even going to get us beverages. I said that we were fine and thanked them. Saying goodbye, I said, "Bless you." I only say that when I really appreciate what someone does. They were our angels in the rain.

The Observer calmed down while I ordered our drinks. I ordered a yogurt smoothie for him and a decaf coffee for me. The barista was skilled. She knew how to make a delicious coffee. I asked her for the coffee shop's address. She wasn't certain, but I found it on my receipt. I had a feeling the Observer would need to picked up from there. It's hard to go anywhere with a frozen wheelchair. He called the wheelchair repair company, but the technician just told the Observer he shouldn't be out in the rain and his wheelchair needed to dry out overnight. Nice guy.....not so much.

The Observer was convinced his troubles were due to a loose wire, but it looked intact to me. The coffee server tried to check out what was causing him problems, but there really wasn't much he could do. It's a bit like asking a bystander on the street to drive a garbage truck. Unless you drive one all the time and have special training, you really have no idea how to operate the thing. The bus driver who came to rescue the Observer was friendly. Everyone who we saw last night was helpful, especially the couple who pushed the Observer to the coffee shop. The wheelchair technician was a loser, but we didn't have to see him. The Observer's wheelchair started working when he got off his first bus. The wheelchair technician might have been a loser, but he obviously knows his stuff.

The Observer was worried he would be stranded in the coffee shop. I reassured him that wouldn't happen.The Observer got his pick-up from the coffee shop. At least the transportation system was accommodating. I'm glad I was with him when his wheelchair died. A broken wheelchair any time sucks. Being stranded on the street alone really sucks. On the upside, my coffee was delicious. There was the perfect amount of Splenda and soy milk. Half of it spilled on the floor, but we had bigger issues to think about. I fulfilled my craving for adventure, but it wasn't the kind I was looking for and it was at the Observer's expense. The next time it rains, maybe I'll track down a coffee delivery service. It won't be nearly as exciting, but it's better to have an adventure out of the rain. It's dryer and safer.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Today is a dreary Friday. It's going to rain. I can feel it in the air. Rain on a Friday feels more tolerable than rain any other day of the week. I think weekends are a good thing no matter what the weather. I'm not as energetic as I would like to be. My sleep last night was alright. Oddly, I was hot under my covers. Normally I am cold. It's good that our bodies surprise us, because we get reminded that it's impossible to become too certain of anything in life. I watched little tidbits of shows. I can't remember exactly what I watched, but I did see Ace Of Cakes where Charm City Cakes made an elaborate cake for the premier of Harry Potter. Daniel Radcliff complimented the cake designers, which I thought was cool.

At ten o'clock last night, I felt like eating vegetables. I ventured to Rabba and bought lettuce, zucchini and cucumbers. The zucchini is yummy and made a crunchy late night snack. The lettuce is a bit wilted. Now I know why it was on sale. Like the previous evening, I got worried because I hadn't heard from Mom and Dad. I called once and left a message. After an hour, I tried again. This time my sister-in-law picked up. My Grandpa is staying at a respite home while my Grandma is away. His legs swelled and the respite home got worried and called my parents. They picked him up and took him to the hospital where he had test. The hospital was going to admit Grandpa but prescribed him water pills instead. I think the leg swelling was due to Grandpa's heart condition. I'm glad the hospital didn't keep him. Grandpa needs care around the clock and my parents would have had to stay with him. I know they wouldn't have minded, but it would have been a lot of stress on everyone, especially Grandpa who has trouble understanding where he is on an ordinary day.

Talking to Mom this morning, she sounded tired. Her and Dad got home at one 'o clock in the morning and she is working this afternoon. She will be one tired nurse tonight. As I often do on Fridays, I picked up bagels and bread from the St. Lawrence Market for Mom and Dad. The people at the bread bakery said they missed me last Friday. I was home for my sister's wedding. The fact that store merchants remember me makes me happy. Just having bread and bagels in my freezer for Mom and Dad makes me happy too. Every time I see the loaves and bagels, I'll think of Mom and Dad. Hopefully I'll see my parents soon. If they happen to drop by, I have something to give them.- OCG

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Outside is sticky and muggy. It is summer I suppose. Today I haven't done much. If you really want to know I spent a lot of time in the washroom answering the call of nature, but I bet you weren't dying to know that, were you? I'm feeling good, which is what does matter. I was exhausted last night. Funny enough, I had trouble getting to sleep. My bottom was achy and I couldn't relax. I'm not sure why. It was late at night before I got to talk to my Mom. It's rare for me not to talk to her before afternoon. We usually touch base on the phone at least twice a day. I had a feeling that something was wrong. There was no answer on my parents' cell phone or at home. I got worried. Thankfully Mom was tired from working all day and fell asleep. I think I woke her up. I'm glad everyone in my family is OK. I worry about my family these days, especially Mom. I wish I worried a bit less than I do. Worrying about those we love is natural. It's better to love and worry as opposed to not love at all, right? Like last Thursday night, I watched the show on TLC called I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant. It's not the most intellectually stimulating show, but it's intriguing. The mere fact that I watch it says something about me. I'm curious about pregnancy. I am interested to find out how women can be so out of tune with the reality that they are going through a major life event. How can you not know there is a human growing inside of you? How can you forget about your "encounters" and be so out of touch with your menstrual cycle? Everyone has different situations, but I shake my head in wonder after every episode. If I ever get pregnant, I will know it. I know I will. Someone told me that my favourite attendant is returning from being on maternity leave for a year. I am very excited. She is a kind, thorough and professional caregiver. When I see her, I know she will do things right. I've missed her. She is so smart. There is no way that my attendant didn't know she was pregnant. Today I met an old friend for coffee. She is really more of good acquaintance, but I will refer to her as a friend, because I don't go out for coffee with random people. I have to somewhat like you to go out for coffee with you. Halfway through meeting her at the coffee shop, I had to rush home and use the washroom. I had a niggling sensation that I had to go even before I got to the shop. With a full bladder, I couldn't bring myself to drink my coffee. My friend and I chatted for about half an hour until I couldn't stand it. I explained my urgent need to relieve myself and left her holding our table. I felt bad leaving her, but it's better than peeing my pants, right? She understood. She had to. We ALL have to pee. I was only gone about half an hour. The attendant who helped me was very chatty. As I was listening, I was a bit worried about my friend who I deserted in the coffee shop, but she smiled at me when I returned, which I took as a good sign. We caught up on our feelings about living in the building where we do and recent events in our families. Like myself, my friend is the youngest child in her family, so her siblings are getting married and building families. We are at similar life stages, so that's how we relate to each other. Plus, we have a history and we both enjoy Starbucks coffee, which is a bonus. In our early twenties, my friend and I parted ways. I was very hurt, but with time, I have forgiven her. I'll never completely trust her, but I do enjoy chatting over coffee. Not every friend I have is my soul mate. If this were the case, I wouldn't value my friends who are nearest and dearest to me as much as I do. - OCG

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Today I met a friend for coffee. Our ritual is being late. We're always half an hour to an hour behind our meeting time. It's OK. We know it will be this way. There are no surprises. My friend was an hour late. Honestly, I was starting to wonder if she would show up at all. Just as I was about to give up hope, I saw her open the door of the shop. I had to smile. Sometimes as soon as we give up, things happen. I was almost finished my butter pecan coffee with soy milk when she sat down beside me. My friend apologized profusely for her tardiness, telling me she had forgotten about our plans until just a few minutes earlier. Laughing, I reassured her that I make similar mistakes all the time. It's true. A month ago, my friend sat at the same coffee shop waiting for me. I completely forgot about our plans. Luckily, my friend forgave me and still trusts me to be relatively punctual as we still make plans for chats over coffee.I enjoyed my coffee, but was craving something sweet. Yogurt smoothies are on sale at Second Cup for ninety nine cents. Having sampled the smoothie at Union Station, I knew it was a yummy beverage. Plus, it's white and reminds me of snow, which makes any food or drink more appealing. Usually, I don't drink beverages that are more of a dessert than a drink, but this was too good of a deal to pass up. The smoothie was creamy and refreshing. I was glad I bought one. Change is good for the soul and the stomach. Once I learned how many calories were in a smoothie, I must have had a panicked expression on my face because my friend gently patted my shoulder and whispered, "Don't worry, you're healthy". Her comment was so sweet. My friend knows me from camp when my eating troubles were in full force. She knows issues like those don't go away. I'm glad we are friends and I realized today that she understands me more than I thought. When I left the coffee shop, my friend was rushing to catch the bus for a job interview. I hope she made it. Being late for a friend is one thing, but being late for a job interview is quite another. Maybe my friend got lucky and the person who interviewed her was an old friend.- OCG

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Now that my sister's wedding is over, I don't know what to do with myself. For the last three nights, I've been exhausted. All of the excitement is catching up to me I guess. In a way, having the wedding over is a relief, but I'm a bit sad. The whole event was so big and special. Now what am I going to think about? On Sunday our family had a post-wedding brunch. Mom invited the wedding party and our family members for a catered meal in our backyard. The weather was sunny and the food delicious. My family was happy and tired. After brunch I met the Observer for dinner and coffee. We talked about the wedding of course. Though I wasn't hungry, we shared a cookie ice cream sundae. It was yummy. I went home after our date. It feels good to be back in my own space, but I still don't feel back to my routine. Since I was away for four days, maybe it will take that long to get back into the swing of things.

Yesterday I relaxed in front of the TV for the evening. The VHS tape I use to record my shows was so full that it had automatically ejected. When I'm too tired to think and there is nothing on TV, I'm glad I have my tape. I watched W5 and two and a half Oprah episodes. I had seen the Oprah shows before, but they were good. I was feeling a bit lonely. The Observer thinks maybe it's because I got used to being around lots of people. He could be right. I asked to have help getting ready for bed early last night. My mind felt very fuzzy and my eyes heavy. That's when I know I need sleep. I didn't even blog. After saying goodnight to the Observer, I fell right asleep. Today we were planning to meet for a movie. Being the scattered girl I am, at the last minute, I tried to change my bus ride. I ended up with no ride. I am disappointed. I miss the Observer. I hope he got a ride home this afternoon. *I'm sorry Observer.* Tomorrow he is going to see Bruno with friends. I was going to go with them, but I'm not a huge fan of the people who will be coming and Bruno doesn't look like my kind of movie. Hopefully the Observer understands. Given the choice, I would rather hang out with him alone. He's so awesome that he's hard to share.This morning I went to the grocery store. I bought bell peppers, apples and yogurt. I've been massively feasting for the last four days. As fat as I feel, I know I still need to eat. I'll feel more calm about my weight gain if I start eating healthier now.I saw three friends after lunch. They all made me smile. I kept thinking about how they probably noticed my chunkier face. I didn't notice anything about the way any of them looked. I was happy to run into them, so I have to believe they were happy to see me too - even if I am fatter.- OCG

Sunday, July 12, 2009

I don't know what to think about now that my sister's wedding is over. She was the most beautiful bride I have ever seen. The day was one none of my family will ever forget. Everything was so busy that it's a blurry memory, but I know for sure that it was a fun, love and laughter filled occasion. Like the rest of my family, my sister is very private and uncomfortable showing emotion in public. She spoke using humour during most of her speech. The only time she got choked up was when she came to thanking my parents. She said the quote, "People will forget what you say. People will forget what you do, but they will remember how you made them feel." As she said this, she cried. Seeing my strong sister tear up caused me to cry too. How do we ever thank our amazing parents for all they have given us? It's impossible, but maybe they feel rewarded by celebrating the happiness their children find in lasting love.- OCG

Friday, July 10, 2009

Well, it's great to be home in the middle of the action. One more day until my sister's big day! The house is buzzing with movement, conversation and people. Everyone is tired, but an anticipation tired, which is better than an exhausted tired. Having something to look forward to makes being tired worth it. I've been answering the phone, drinking coffee, visiting and reading People today. It doesn't feel much different than other days, but there is more to see, talk about and do. Soon we are leaving for the rehearsal. By this time tomorrow, the wedding will be over and we'll be about to start the reception. It's hard to imagine things passing so quickly. I don't feel to excited yet, though it was hard to sleep the past few nights. I'm realizing that life's greatest memories happen on ordinary days.

Thursday, July 09, 2009

Today is sunny and beautiful. The sun is still out. The day isn't over yet. I had very little sleep last night. Without thinking, I drank pop at around eight 'o'clock and was up until five o' clock. Thankfully I got to sleep in until ten 'o'clock. I got lucky. Most days, I get up earlier. I'm glad I didn't have to be at a meeting or catch a bus. I watched a lot of TV but couldn't recall exactly what shows in the morning. My mind was fuzzy. I remembered watching a show on women who didn't know they were pregnant. They seemed a bit off in their interviews or maybe really out of touch with their bodies. Next was a show on obese women giving birth. It made me sad to think that their lives were so complicated. All the women featured delivered healthy babies. For the rest of the night I watched parts of the news and sitcoms.This morning was low-key. I talked to Mom and the Observer. I ate a salad for lunch and got my stuff packed to head home for my sister's wedding. I bought a pink lady apple from the grocery store. It was my first pink lady and I enjoyed it. The name makes me smile. I went to a top-notch grocery store that is a bit far from my apartment. I wanted to take advantage of the sunshine. The grocery store has a funky upstairs sitting area. I like the way the sun shines through the window.I can't believe my sister's wedding is only two days away.....crazy! It will be here whether we are ready or not. I'm worried about my dress not fitting. My jeans are tight, which isn't a good sign, but we'll deal with whatever happens. My sister is getting married and nothing will spoil that.- OCG

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

I've been a wanderer today. First I went to the grocery store. My mission was to buy TTC tokens. They were sold out. I pondered over what to buy. I pondered between cherries, cucumbers, apples, yogurt or watermelon. I went with yogurt and watermelon. I ate them both for lunch. I went to the St. Lawerence Market and bought red leaf lettuce. I always wonder around there. Every day at the market is a bit different - or maybe the more I go, the more I see. I was going to buy Mom some kitchen accessories, but decided to hold off. I have a lot to bring home when I leave for my sister's wedding tomorrow. There will be other times where I will have more space to bring Mom gifts. Sometimes I think I go to the market to observe instead of buy. I see so many interesting and unusual things and rarely buy more than one item. It's usually something boring like lettuce or fruit, but it's still a fun trip.

After the market, I went to Union Station to get a GO bus schedule. My attendant who is helping me on my sister's wedding day needs a schedule to decide her route. I don't know where exactly she is coming from, so I picked up a schedule for every route. When in doubt, pick every possible choice. I bought two lemon biscotti cookies. I love dipping biscotti in coffee, but I'm trying to stop drinking coffee after lunch. I sleep better. I tried to buy TTC tokens at Union Station but I thought it would be easier to buy from a store since the employee would have more time to slip them in my token purse.

I was a bit hungry again so I bought a vegetarian Jamaican patty. It was filled with corn, tomatoes and spices. I liked it, but I don't think it was very healthy. Anything with a pastry coating is usually not nutritious. I like the vegetarian better than the beef. It's too bad vegetarian Jamaican patties are so hard to find. I was full and my stomach rolled. Nature called.

On the way home, I saw the Observer's cousin. Out of his big family. she's one of my favourite people. His cousin is quiet but has a determination about her that is endearing. When she listens, I know she is genuinely interested. We only talked for a few minutes, but it was great to see her. Living downtown rarely affords the space or time to run into people I know. When I do see someone I know, I am reminded that I have connections with people around me. I am glad to be able to say so. Even better than simply running into someone I recognize is running into someone I both know AND like. When that happens, I am grateful. It's a small world, but not TOO small.

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

There are goosebumps creeping up my arms. I am wearing a very summer-like orange shirt. Maybe it's a bit too summer like. There is a windy breeze outside. It's quite cool. I had trouble sleeping last night. I have this tiny scrape between my little toes. It's itchy and annoying. I have no idea how it got there. I lie awake in bed thinking about how itchy it is and wishing I could scratch it. There is no way I could ever move my foot that far up, no matter how bad I would want to. I need to stop thinking about my itchy toes.I am a bit grumpy today. I don't know why. Maybe I need sleep or another strong cup of coffee. The Observer bought me a bag of Starbucks coffee to make at home. It goes right through me. I enjoy it though. My whole refrigerator smells like coffee as soon as the door is opened. That makes me happy........I wish I was in brighter spirits. It's only noon, so there's lots of time to cheer up and lots of coffee to drink.Now it's evening. I had a sweet chat with the superintendent of my building. She reminds me that there are good people around me. I only need to pay attention. I talked to Mom and met the Observer for a quick visit and chat. We browsed the music store and had a quick dinner. I had a combo of three salads - quinoa, garden and fruit. It was yummy and fresh. Everything passes, right? (even grumpiness and chills.)

Monday, July 06, 2009

I ate a purple sweet potato today. I didn't even know those existed. The skin was a deep purple and the flesh was white. I bought the sweet potato because it was pretty. Honestly, I didn't know what it was when I picked it up at the market. Feeling adventurous, I thought I'd give it a try. The flesh was starchy, which told me it was a potato I was chowing on. I'll try most foods, except lamb or gamy meats. The thought of noshing on squirrel, horse, deer, dog or ox makes makes me squeamish. If I see a purple sweet potato again, I'm going to buy it. I want to buy fennel next. I've tasted it at the Observer's house and it reminds me of licorice. I want to learn what foods pair well with fennel. I've seen lots of fennel salads made on the food network. Pretty much anything can be made into a salad.It's sunny today. There is a breeze which keeps outside from being too warm. On my way home from the grocery store, there was an elderly man in a wheelchair who looked like he was struggling with a younger guy. Both seemed to pulling at a cell phone. I hope the younger guy wasn't stealing the old man's cell phone.I met the Observer for dinner yesterday. He was back to his usual, happy self. We went to the same chain restaurant where we had the horribly awkward dinner the day before but it was in a different location. The Observer was in very different spirits too. He was talking and enjoying nachos - his favourite pub food. Seeing the Observer back to his fun-loving self was a big relief. My behaviour wasn't very compassionate and know the Observer knows to tell me what is on his mind. We will have other struggles, but I learned something from our latest. Sometimes I need to let things roll off my back. The Observer is great at rolling along with life. I admire his easy-going approach and think he is entitled to get upset now and then.After dinner, we went to a coffee pub that we used to think wasn't wheelchair accessible. After some exploring, we discovered a way in though the back door. I was pleased with our innovation. Nothing should stand in the way of going to a good coffee shop. I didn't have coffee there, but the thrill of getting inside the pub was as good as any coffee buzz. - OCG

Sunday, July 05, 2009

Today is sunny and beautiful. It's breezy and refreshing without being cool or hot.This is my kind of weather. I woke up this morning feeling regret. Last night the Observer and I met. Our original plan was to see a movie. The Observer is almost always up for seeing a flick. He's also almost always in good spirits. Yesterday was different though. I could tell by looking at him that he wasn't very happy. The Observer didn't want to tell me what was wrong. Sometimes it's best to let people explain what is on their mind in their own time. We bought tickets to My Sister's Keeper. Time only permitted that option or Ice Age. We saw about fifteenminutes and the Observer asked if I wanted to leave. I knew right away that he didn't like the movie and wanted out. I was angry. I wanted to see My Sister's Keeper. I stormed out of the theater telling the Observer that not everything was about him. I was very upset and had trouble calming down. When I'm angry, watch out....We angrily made our way to dinner where we hashed it out. Neither of us were hungry, but I didn't know where else to go. The Observer eventually told me that he was frustrated with his attendants. He was in a mood where nothing can be right. We all have those days....I wish I had been more understanding. I am sorry the Observer was upset and that I got so angry. He rarely gets grumpy. I often do. We went for Starbucks, but his heart wasn't into chatting. We know the managers of stores and the Observer didn't want to chat at all. He is normally the king of small talk.The Observer and I talked. He is here.Later...- OCG