A perfect assembly of beers

Which brew is your favorite Avenger drinking?

Feb. 8, 2012

Written by

News Journal columnist

After a hard day fighting off ravenous alien hordes or city-eating monsters, you deserve a few cold ones, right?

That notion, plus the Super Bowl commercial previewing the next superhero movie blockbuster, "The Avengers," got me thinking. What beers stand up to the test when the Avengers assemble to quaff some brews?

If you are not a comic book-movie geek, I'm talking about the crew of Marvel Comics heroes who join forces to fight really, really nasty things too powerful for any one hero to handle -- things like interplanetary invasions, gigantic beasties or the Newt Gingrich campaign.

In the comics, the Avengers roster has included hundreds of costumed crusaders over the decades, but the upcoming film will focus on Iron Man, Captain America, Thor and the Hulk, along with a bunch of highly trained and well equipped agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

The movie is scheduled for release in May, and until then I have to occupy my mind somehow. So, once evil's butt has been thoroughly kicked, what's on tap for these oddly attired people?

Tony Stark, a.k.a. Iron Man, is an ultra-rich, ultra-genius spoiled narcissist who can afford whatever he wants. And in the movie "Iron Man," we learn from villain Obadiah Stane that Tony always springs for the good stuff.

I think Stark would like something rare and Belgian, perhaps a monk-brewed Trappist ale so far off the charts that it isn't sold commercially. Maybe Stark provides the good brothers with an annual stipend to continue their good works among the needy -- and to make sure his beer cellar is always stocked with their holy goodness.

Either that, or he has his robot servants brew something for him, based on a genius formula that includes water purified with synthetic elements Stark invented himself. You never really know what Tony might do.

By the way, you just know that metal suit has a mini-fridge and a weaponized bottle opener tucked in there somewhere.

On the other end of the beer snob scale is Captain America. He's an everyday Joe turned into an awesome physical specimen in order to fight villainy during World War II. One thing is certain, he's going to buy American.

He also isn't likely to go wild over all the craft beer varieties available today. He was frozen for a while, you see, and remembers when buying beer was a fairly simple thing.

My guess is Cap would prefer to kick back old-school with a good old genuine American lager. Yuengling has been around a long time, and makes a pretty good, clean Everyman kind of brew. I think Cap would love it -- so bring him as much as he wants. His cranked-up metabolism renders him unable to get drunk, and you know he'll work off the calories stomping evil's minions into the dust.

By the way, Cap's famous shield might make a tray big enough to handle our next hero's thirst. The Mighty Thor works hard swinging that massive hammer around, and being immortal, he can handle his alcohol.

The God of Thunder probably isn't too picky about his brews. As long as it is hearty and plentiful and the company is good, Thor most likely is good to go. But anyone who has spent much time hanging out with this Norse deity during some of his less lovable moments likely will understand why I recommend for him a hearty brew from Stone Brewing Co.

It's called Arrogant Bastard Ale.

At 7.2 percent alcohol by volume, this beer can get you hammered. (Sorry. I know. I couldn't stop myself.) It's also aggressively flavored and highly hopped. It's a good brew, and I think Thor would like it. I just don't want to be standing nearby when he reads the label.

The super-secret agent team from S.H.I.E.L.D. has no super powers, but it has cool gadgets, super weaponry, Scarlett Johansson and Samuel L. Jackson -- so you know there's a party going on somewhere.

I'd try to find out what kind of beers the S.H.I.E.L.D members like, but trying to Google info on these people probably gets you on a one-way flight to Gitmo. There's no beer at Gitmo.

Lastly, we come to Dr. Bruce Banner, who in moments of stress or high emotion turns into the gigantic green Incredible Hulk. He tosses Army tanks, elephants and geological features around as though he was casually tossing seed to chickens.

I recommend water for this guy.

You don't want to get him drunk. You won't like him when he's drunk.

Steve Goble is a copy editor and a beer snob. You can discuss beer by following him on Twitter at twitter.com/brewologist. Brewologist is also on Facebook.