Posted:31st Mar 2006Wondering if when someone dies, and they have expressed a last wish( clearly, like in a letter) , if it should always be respected- and thus acted on.

What, for example, if their last wish was something not good? Maybe even mean, ignorant, hurtful-- or even just inconsiderate. Should you still be obliged to follow it? What if, while they were alive, they made made decisions that were Not something you could respect... why then, would you suddenly feel obilgated to respect their wish after they die?

Just wanting some perspective.

Does one have to respect anothers last wishes?Is it horrible to consider taking action counter to someones last wish, but in line with your own beleifs? Is there a right choice here? What do you think?

NYC- part of me agrees with you, if I could totally see things as his property. But when he owes my mom so much, is it really his? It was bought with money that should ( legally and morally) have gone to her, to support us... he bought a antique car for show and play while we were hungry.She cashed her pensions to pay our rent. He did not. The issue gets tangled for me at that point.

If you had mentioned that earlier.. I might not have bothered with my earlier post.. Antique car indeed.

Posted:1st Apr 2006I make him sound like an ogre--that is not my intent! He was, for a while, while alcoholic. It was hellish. But we had many years after that while he was sober,as adults, in that he was a wonderful, fascinating man. He made some significant effort to make amends for his behaviour with us children- with varying degrees of success. Some of it was hard to forgive, and trust is slow to rebuild.Though he had the opportunity, he never did pay back what he owed, and used lawyers and various shenanigans to avoid that. But overall, we moved to a much better happier place in our interactions.

The bad stuff was a long long time ago, and I thought that we were through most of it. Even a brother that had not spoken to him for over a decade was, in the end, reconciled. But deaths seem to bring up a lot of past stuff, even stuff you think is resolved. His choices with the letter and leaving us out of his estate just surprised me. But , thinking it through, I doubt he meant anything much by it. My step mom is a good person, and maybe he thought she would just take care of us appropriately.? Whatever. I will simply use the legal opportunity to rebalance some of the past injustices if I can.

There is no way to correct the past. None, whatsoever. Cant be done. In fact, in my family, one might be best to never even speak of it. Money will not help.

It went as well as possible, but I am shaking like a leaf. The process is difficult. I am thankful that my step mother is a kind and reasonable person, so though emotional, things were just sad between us, not angry.

As far as last wishes go, apparently, with his letter he was just trying to protect her, and offer her some security, since he felt that us kids would have a longer time and more energy to create a secure future for ourselves, and she is older with less options. So not so hurtful when seen that way.

We are going to work somehing out without the legal system involved. She is now considering the needs of my mom,and the debt owing to her-- but it was a shock to her, not something she was aware of or had considered, so who knows what if anything will come from that. But at least it has been acknowledged.

Posted:5th Apr 2006 I am so very sorry for your and your familys loss. Its good to hear that things are being talked about and reasoned out between you all. I applaud you and your family. Its nice to see that you all love and respect eachother enough to think about these things. You are very fortunate because its hardly ever like that in these situations. Some familys that were getting along great completely fall apart and people never speak to eachother again when faced with similar circumstances and for you personally andrealee your a very brave person stay strong and keep up the good work