From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another. John 1:16

Monday, February 7, 2011

You cannot understand the work of God.

Ecclesiastes 11:5 As you do not know the path of the wind,
or how the body is formedin a mother’s womb,
so you cannot understand the work of God,
the Maker of all things.

Let me begin by apologizing for not posting in a few days. Not alot has happened so I didn't want to just ramble on. Also, I've fixed the time issue I was having (or rather, Melissa did) so the time you see is the time I posted.

After being with Dad on Thursday evening and speaking with the Neurologist, I didn't know what to expect to happen next. It didn't make any sense to us how he'd gone from being clear and understandable to being delisional and confused pretty much all of the time. We knew that the brain MRI revealed changes but could that much really change that fast? What did this mean for Dad's future?

Melissa, Brennan and I visited for most of the day on Friday. Dad was about the same as he'd been on Thursday. I took Liam, Landis & Brennan on Saturday...still the same. I arrived alone, looking forward to spending some quality time with Dad, on Sunday morning by 7:30. He hadn't slept all night. He was aggitated, confused, not making any sense, seeing things that weren't there, trying to get out of bed, thinking he was driving, not remembering...it was hard to watch. From talking with the Oncologist and Neurologist, it was pretty clear what they thought could be causing this...certain proteins produced by cancer that make their way to the brain, infection, inflamation, a spread of the cancer. Finding out what it was wasn't going to be difficult but would take bloodwork that takes 10 days to get back, a spinal tap that would be hard for Dad to endure, waiting for that to come back, etc... Mom and I met with the doctor from the Palliative Care team to talk about what to do. He changed Dad's pain meds, told us that he would not release him in the state of delirium that he was in as it'd be impossible to care for him at home the way he was, and planned on coming back to try to communicate with Dad, along with Mom, about what he wanted in terms of a Living Will, code status, and things like that. I came home last night weary and worn out. We took the boys to a SuperBowl party and while I was there, I wasn't there. (Please forgive me, Pam)

This morning, my cell phone rang. "I Just Called To Say I Love You" sounded in the kitchen and I thought that Dad must be alone and that when I answered, I wouldn't understand him. But that wasn't the case. I answered and he said, "Good morning! Are you coming up today?". I replied that I was planning on spending the day with Liam (since I feel like I've barely seen him) and that Doug had taken Landis & Brennan on a field trip to the Japanese market in NJ. He said, "Oh, that's okay. Your Mom is here. Maybe I'll see you tomorrow."...I told him I'd definately be up tomorrow and he told me a little about his PT and how he could stand but couldn't walk. We ended the call with "I love you" and I stood in the kitchen in a state of shock.

Around 1, Mom texted to say that they were going for the spinal tap. Later she reported that it went well. Doug and the boys got home around 6:30 and the phone rang. It was Mom saying that Dad was having a great day. She said that the Neurologist said they found some protein and some white cells in the spinal fluid and that they'd know if there were cancer cells present in 48 hours. She wanted me to talk to Dad. When I got on the phone, I was talking to the man I'd talked to a week ago. I put him on speaker for Doug and the boys to hear. He was clear spoken, made perfect sense, asked when we'd be up, told me about having to lay flat for 4 hours and so on. Why the change? I can't say for sure but I know it is of God. I told myself that maybe when they removed spinal fluid it took pressure off of his brain and that'd he'd be confused again tomorrow. I think that's my way of preparing myself for disappointment. Mom said that the social worker saw him and was amazed as was his Neurologist. The social worker is again looking into having him moved to inpatient rehab to regain strength in his legs.

Amazing? Absolutely. Am I hopeful? As hopeful as can be. Frightened and scared? Of course but God tells me to not fear, so I'll do my best and continue to beg the Lord to help me be strong. I am not meant to understand God's ways. I have to rest in the comfort of knowing that whatever His ways bring my way are for our good and His glory.

I'll try to post tomorrow night when we get home unless something comes up during the day that you all need to know. God is hearing your prayers and we're seeing answers. We love each of you for caring for our family the way you do.

Dave asked me earlier if I had any updates on your dad. Yesterday really shook him up, he talked to the boys about life and how precious it is and how quickly God can change things, all day!!! I can't wait to let him read this update in the morning...he is snoring away as a post this. How great God is to give your dad this clarity! Stay strong! when you are week remember that we are all here praying, but remember the most that God makes our burdens easier to bare! Keep that eternal perspective ;) Love ya

Just wanted to remind you that we are all gladly here to lift you all up in prayer and help you to carry the burdens, uncertainties, weaknesses, tears and joy. Whatever you need, we are here for you with love and joy!!!!

I realize this is a late comment, and I'm anxious to hear how today went, but... His compassions never fail, and every morning they're new! Thankful for this news, Andrea. The tastes of God's goodness that He gives us are sometimes overwhelming, even in the "little" things.