Nuts In The News (By Which We Mean Testicles)

Guys, get ready to grab your crotch and wince because for some reason, the news section features not, but two stories about man losing one or both of his best friends for some very bizarre reasons. [Image via Annie Mole/Flickr]

The first involves a fraternity hazing incident that went a little two far causing one of the pledges to lose one of his, um, pledges and the other involves a man who actually took the phrase “I’d cut off my left nut for one of those” to its most literal interpretation.

The fraternity incident happened earlier this month at Wilmington College in Wilmington, Ohio. According to a search warrant affidavit obtained by The Smoking Gun, pledges of the Gamma Phi Gamma were subjected to a number of humiliating and painful challenges to win their brothers’ respect such as being stripped naked and having Icy Hot ripped on their more sensitive areas, simulating sex with a mouth full of limburger cheese and getting hit with knotted towels and shirts. One of the pledges took a knot shot right in the bean bag that was so hard that he had to have one of his testicles removed at a nearby hospital. The school and police officials are planning to do the same thing in a metaphorical sense to the fraternity.

The other incident took place on the syndicated TV talk show The Doctors in which, according to the Top Gear website, a man named Mark Parisi announced that he was willing to literally be less of a man in order to buy the new Nissan 370Z.

We’re not judging a man who’s willing to sell part of himself for a car since the sorry state of modern mass transit makes us wish we had such an option. We are, however, judging his choice of car. A Nissan?!? Why not a Lamborghini or a Ferrari or even Steve McQueen’s original 1968 Ford Mustang GT that he personally drove on the set of Bullitt? Either go big or go home. Show some balls, man! Oops, sorry.