How do you choose...

How do you choose the people you talk to on the forums (this and any other)? Do you look at their profiles and base it on when thay look like? Do you base it off how they describe themselves? Do you base it off their responces to others and how they "act" on the actual forums?

(rant follows)The reason I ask this is that I was hurt today when I signed onto my myspace account to find a message from a person I was trying to be friends with. He had already accepted me to his friends list, so I figured I would try to strike up some sort of conversation. His responce was "Look I allowed you to be on my friends list but what makes you think I want to talk to someone as fat and ugly as you? Just look and dont talk ok." I promptly removed him from my friends list and blocked him.

Now even though I didn't personally know him, it was still hurtful for me. Especially since I have overcome (mostly) many issues I have about self immage and self worth.

Ok, this does sound a bit whiney to me. I just needed somewhere to vent and maybe get others perspectives about this.

That really sucks. He's one of the jerks who think the anonymity of the internet gives him license to be insensitive and rude. At least you got his number right away before you wasted too much of your time on him. Someone who acts that way probably has some issues of their own. Good riddance, I'd say.

But to answer your question, I usually pick people to contact based on what's in their profile and not just their picture. If they are from my area, age, interests, etc. You know, common ground. I also like to get a feel for what they are like first by checking out their posts.

Freakyninjamonkey: What a drag about your MySpace situation. That guy must not know the meaning of respect and common decency. Experiences like the one you posted keep me from contacting guys that I don't know. None of us like the sting of rejection.

There are times that I post to a topic and a discussion ensues with another member. When it turns into a debate or conversation, sometimes you get to know a person's personality. When you post back and forth with the same individuals over time, a network of acquaintances may result. In some cases, we actually make real friends. I don't make "cold calls" to guys based on their profiles. I only react to what they post, how they express themselves, and go from there.

First off Freakyninjamokey, Your not fat and ugly. Don't let assholes like that get you down. He doesn't deserve, a friend like you. Your too good for him. His loss.

Personally, I would talk to anyone, at least once. That is the only way to get to know someone, but there profile, and how they behave, in the forums is a good telltale sign. Guys that only talk to you based on looks and age, are jerks.

Anyway, most of the guys on here will treat you with respect, so your in a good place.

People are rude...especially when they can sit behind a computer and not have to look you in the face when they say something. I usually talk to everyone and just weed out the ones who end up being jerks, you can't afford to live life with a filter on your interaction, you miss out on a lot of wisdom and laughs that way

FNM, that guy did you a favor exposing his true self to you like that. There is no physical trait that could be as ugly as his personality.

And something you can do is stop looking at your physical "flaws" as things to boo-hoo over and look at them as challenges that you are gonna fix. Enjoy your victory over these challenges everyday as you do what is necessary, diet and exercise. Be prouder of the accomplishment, than of the results themselves. Achieving your goals says something more important about who you are, than just the fact of trimming down and muscling up. Those are the desserts of the better inner you. Then go out and fuck all those hunks, like a bunny! But be safe, of course. ...

But before you go casting huge stones at people, may I point out that I wrote a long response on your thread "New to honest exercising...", and you havent so much as acknowledged it, much less thanked me for it. Not so much as a "kiss my foot," "go to hell," nothing!

I guess I am just repeating my unappreciated behavior on here again. D'oh!

I generally don't chat too much on websites due to time/schedule for the most part. I do find myself really enjoying the forums on RealJock (especially those who post frequently such as MikePhil, GQJock, McGay, Caslon to name a few).

I was picked on a lot as a kid. I remember my momma (that's southern-speak for Mother) saying "sticks and stones will break your bones but words can never hurt you".

Sorry momma. But you were wrong! Broken bones will heal but the hurt from words sometimes linger much longer.

When I was younger, I spent a lot of time internalizing what people said about me. As I've gotten older, I've grown and learned to ignore hurtful comments (which is not always easy) and that the best defense as Caslon points out is to stay focused on my goals.

Karma has a way of biting negative people in the butt. You probably won't be there to see it but you can rest assured that it will happen!

How can you possibly be upset that this jackass doesn't want to be your friend?

Do you have any IDEA how damaged a person he would have to be to write that? Do you realize how little he likes himself if he rejects other people as friends because their LOOKS might not measure up to his standard? Do you realize that he is saying "I am personally so worthless that if my friends aren't attractive people then I have absolutely no way to validate my own existence"?

Think of it this way, guy...imagine that you invested time and emotional energy into this nobody, and then you found out later what a festering swamp he really was. Aren't you glad he saved you time and trouble?

not tryin to sound like a jackass. butis the regular process to get on someone's friend list and THEN talk to them? personally, i know that i don't add people to my buddy list without chattin em up a bit, or at least a few emails.

as for finding people. like just about everyone else, i judge their profile blurb first off, then forums and chat can help to see if they are what they say they are.

that douchebag u got in contact with is a popularity whore. he probably put u on his friend list just cuz he feels special having more and more people there, even if he doesnt know them.

Dude, that guy was a douche. But, it is the Internet and you are going to run into people like that. I've been a RealJock member for over a year. In the last week I've had 2 guys block me in chat. One guy misunderstood that I was making a joke and took it personally. I'd NEVER been blocked before. Then a couple of days later a guy I've chatted with before and hasn't been on in a while IMs me. He has his cam on and I turn my cam on. I assume he's seen me before. We chat for a bit, then he says he'll be back. A few minutes later, I see he's blocked his audio and video from me. Go figure.

When it comes to forums, I respond to threads I think are interesting or thought provoking or funny. Sure, there are some guys I chat up because they're attractive, but I also look for guys who have something intelligent to say.

That is such RUDE, CRASS, undignified, belittling and stupid behavior on that guy's part and I agree with so many here that you are better off withOUT that jerk. Yes, I am sure if he bases even people he simply chats with on being "hot" in his eyes, than he must have a life full of shallow, unsophisticated A-holes like himself and Karma will certainly catch up.He will probably become one of those people you know about that hang out at the piano bars, smoking, drinking and bitter that they have no friends and that the young cute ones will have nothing to do with them after his looks go.

If you are a good person and have friendship or simply intelligent chat to offer, there are plenty of NICE people here that WILL talk with you.

If a guys first question to me on here is shouw us your knob, or if his prole is just full of shit I will probably ignore them otherwise I will chat to moat

As to your conundrum and are you worth it, there are very few people on this planet that dont have self esteem or self worth issues they just deal with it either conciously or subconciousy. But you know all that and sometimes some dickhead like the one ya mention gets under your skin. So do what I did, this one guy I really like on another site did a similar thing and then blew me out of the water, so what did I do? For me I went about losing the weight and bulding my self confidence (I have the books and CD's of Mo Shapiro to thank for that and would reccomend them).

Anyhow 12 months later arrogant arsehole then contacted me, and like an elephant I never forgot, so I led him down the garden path and right royally shat on him from a great height in front of everyone and made him look as shallow and pathetic as he was. I dont go for revenge normaly but this was a classic chance and the first opportunity to move away from that "creating an air of self confidence" to it being second nature. Never done it since and wont again but boy was it worth it.

SO let this experience be the one that motivates you to get to your goal, when times are going shit or the training and diet are not going to plan, let this thing be a positive thing to drive you on