In their own words: High school coaches tell their horror stories

High school coaches say they’ve been sworn at, called names and physically threatened by parents before, during and after games – often in front of players.

Some receive nasty emails and phone calls late at night.

What makes parents behave this way?

Playing time is often at the root of the problem, though sometimes a parent is outraged that their son or daughter isn’t being played at what the parent thinks is their child’s best position. And it all could be costing their child a shot at a college scholarship.

Some parents take their complaints to athletics directors or even superintendents and school boards.

As a result, many longtime and successful coaches have left their positions or were fired. Syracuse.com surveyed head coaches throughout Section III about the environment and impact of parents on high school sports. The results were featured in a story on Wednesday.

In the survey, we offered the coaches a chance to convey their worst experience dealing with a parent. Of the 227 coaches who completed the survey, 151 told a story.

Here are some excerpts:

» A parent was yelling from the sidelines so negatively during a game that the girls on the field couldn't even function effectively and even started to yell back.

» A parent was upset with a lack of playing time (not taking into consideration the three fouls his son had with 6 minutes left in the first half) and started yelling loudly across the gym about my decision making. After the game he insisted on talking to me about it, but after his profanity-laced insults that he made sure to share with me (and anyone else within 100 feet) I ended the "conversation."

» A few days after I cut a player a parent showed up at my house and proceeded to curse me out and handed me a three-to-four page letter on why his child was better than those I kept.

» I have had a parent send me multiple letters (one per week) telling me what an awful coach I was and how I was not knowledgeable enough. Ironically, we went on to win a state championship that year. Eventually I filed harassment charge against the parent. However, I have had MORE supportive parents than bad parents.

» I was accosted while getting off of the bus after an away game by a parent that kept yelling obscenities about how I was preventing his daughter from getting a D-I scholarship.

» I held a parents meeting to discuss an issue we had that involved drinking. Both my principal and athletics director were there in support. While trying to have a discussion about what we could do to help keep our kids safe, one mother stood up and compared me to Hitler and said this was like living in Nazi Germany. I was stunned. My principal stood up and put a stop to it. I couldn't believe a parent would attack me for trying to do something positive for our kids.

» We had a parent yell out across the gym, "Great hustle 35," about their child, who wasn't in the game at the time.

» I've been accused of costing numerous kids D-I college scholarships. I find it laughable, because when is the last time a D-I scholarship kid didn't play on their high school team. I would guess never.

» I've coached football for 32 years. A parent told me that she knew more about coaching football than I ever would. She said her son had been contacted by several colleges, but that my coaching had ruined his opportunity to play college ball.

» My starting quarterback decided to cut two classes (one of them was mine). I confronted him about this and he stated that he went home to get an assignment that was due. I checked with the teacher and found out it wasn't true. I informed the young man that he would be benched for the first half of the upcoming game. This did not go over well with the parents. After calling me just about every name in the book, they went to the administration and had my decision reversed. I was let go after the season.

» A group of parents went door-to-door of current and former players literally asking if they had any "dirt" on me in hopes of getting rid of me.

» I had a parent call me at 11 p.m. after we had won a sectional semifinal game. He was angry because I didn't have his child run the play that won us the game.

» One parent cheered for the opposing team because their child was not playing.

» We had a confrontation in the parking lot at dark after a stressful game. One parent was screaming and yelling at me while driving toward me in her vehicle, with her daughter in the car. She was using profanity and saying things like, "You'll get what you deserve." All of this was over playing time, after her daughter clearly chose another outside sport (dance) while also trying to play a varsity team sport as well.

» I had a parent state that our entire school district was against her daughter, simply because she was not pulled up to the varsity as a sophomore.

» I had a parent threaten our statistics keeper.

» I was cornered by both Mom and Dad in the weight room, and they verbally attacked me about their daughter's playing time. I had to eventually walk away because they would not stop.

» I have been physically threatened a couple of times.

» Early in my career, I had a parent take their child off the bench and then home because they were not playing.

» I had a parent storm across the field after a big sectional game that the team had won, yelling at the coaches for not playing their athlete.

» One parent nominated her daughter (a junior varsity player) for a local media Athlete of the Week award when it was made clear to parents at a preseason meeting that such nominations come only from the coaching staff.

» A player chose to go on vacation right before tryouts. He was gone all through tryouts and the first two weeks of the season. I wished him well but told him he would not be able to participate with us this year. His mother went crazy, calling my athletics director and a congressman. I told the player it was unfair to the rest of the team and whoever's position he might take when he came back.

» A player had a very good season her sophomore year. During her junior year, her play was not as good. The parent blamed me for the decline in her daughter's ability. I tried to have a team-building day and take the team bowling. When the student was picked up, the mom was upset and told me, "I signed my daughter up for soccer, not bowling," even though her student came and had a good time with her teammates. After the last game of the season, the mother came onto the field to tell me that the players didn't respect me. She later attended a Board of Education meeting and made enough noise that I was not approved to coach the varsity team the following year.

» Two parents of players on my team were fighting in the middle of the field after a game. I had to break up the fight.

» Immediately after a tough soccer loss in sectionals, the father of our backup goalkeeper stormed across the field. After some choice insults, he informed me that I had cost his daughter a college scholarship by playing our other goalie that day. As if hordes of Division I coaches were in attendance at this small-school, first-round sectional match.

» I was told that I had "ruined the love of the game" for a kid because I wouldn't play her in her "natural" position.

» During a post-game meeting with my team after a big win, a parent came onto the field and threw her daughter's lacrosse equipment at me and called me every curse word she could think of in a 60-second tirade. The outburst was caused by her belief that her daughter should play more.

» After substituting a player in the fifth inning of a seven-inning varsity baseball game (4-2 score), a parent came out of the stands and into the dugout. He began cursing at both coaches and challenged us both to a fight to see "how much of a man" both of us were.

» I had a parent screaming F-bombs in my face because his daughter wasn't the team captain. This was the third team she was on that year, not a captain for any of the teams. Tells you something.

» My general rule is that I will not speak with parents on the day of a game. I had a parent come to me yelling as soon as we were done shaking hands with the other team. It was rude to say the least. It was also embarrassing to the child. She knew her playing time situation and was fine with it.

» During a modified lacrosse game I had a parent walk across the field demanding to know why her daughter was playing defense. She wanted to know what her daughter was doing wrong that made me feel I needed to punished her. Her daughter played 90 percent of every game and played several positions. She just happened to be playing defense for that game.

» A parent went into the superintendent and I was fired. The community rallied behind me and I was reappointed. Sad day in America when parents have that much power.

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