musings of a counselor

Peeling back the layers….

So you want to start having intentional and meaningful conversation with men again, but you can’t go there because you’re afraid of how open the baggage of junk you’ve somehow acquired (which you didn’t ask for). How can you feel safe letting your guard down, be articulate, and remain confident in your communication ability? Here are a few pointers that may make those conversations feel a little more natural and comfortable for you.

Talk to a trusted friend. The more you are able to talk about what you’ve experienced the easier it will be to get some clarity and process.

Sounds ridiculous, but look at yourself and talk in the mirror. The more you can hash it out, the easier it gets.

Don’t feel the pressure to have the deep conversations right away. They will come in time as you feel increasingly more comfortable with dating and men.

Go on dates. There is nothing better than practice. And remember it is just that, a date. It doesn’t need to go anywhere if you don’t want it to. Once you get the first couple under your belt it gets easier, just like riding a bike (cliché, I know).

I think that is some of the best work you can do. Not just about what you did today, but dig deep. Try starting from high school or college and move forward. You will be reminded what you are capable of and this is a bump just like other bumps you’ve been over.

If you feel like you’ve exhausted those resources and you’re a broken record, look for a professional. Having a third party who is completely removed from the situation can be a great sounding board. In addition, they can help provide some other suggestions.

This process will get easier. You will get stronger. And you will find the same fulfillment in a new relationship that you found in a past relationship.