Wedding Guest List

If some of your wedding invitations were mailed out of town or even out of state, chances are you?ll welcome guests who will have traveled by air or via a long car trip.

Considering the fact that these guests have already invested a good deal of time and money to attend your wedding, you?ll want to make an extra effort to make them feel truly welcome and appreciated.

MAPS
A great way to help everyone, whether they?ve been there before or not, is to include a tastefully done map when you send your invitations. Don?t assume that all of your guests have been to your area before. Include the sites of the ceremony, reception and hotels where they might stay, along with the quickest routes from the airport and the main highways. Even if someone is a repeat visitor, they?ll appreciate the guidance, especially if it?s been a while or your town has experienced growth since they last visited.

Paying for your out-of-town guests? lodging is not your responsibility, but it is customary for you to negotiate rates and secure a block of rooms for guests at a convenient hotel. Include contact information for the hotel in the invitation packets for out-of-town guests, along with car rental options,

ITINERARY
After the invitations have been sent, it?s time to prepare an itinerary for your guests. This is your opportunity to let everyone know about your plans, which is particularly helpful for weekend-long weddings or destination weddings.

Your itinerary can be a clever packet of information sent via snail mail, or a detailed web site or blog for guests to visit and learn what is to be expected.

Be sure to include all of the events preceding and following the ceremony. If guests might have a bit of free time here and there, include interesting things to see and do in your area.

For those who will be essential to the ceremony itself, such as your attendants, relatives, and anyone who will be invited to the rehearsal dinner, it?s a good idea to tuck extra information into their packet before sending it off. Include details on the time and location of the rehearsal dinner, along with directions and whether dress will be casual or formal. If you?ll be sending a car for your bridesmaids, let them know. Or if close relatives will be invited to a special brunch at your parents? home or future-in-laws? home, be sure to include that information, as well.

HOTEL
Little surprises left for your guests in their hotel rooms will reinforce the fact that you appreciate their making the trip. A small gift basket with locally produced wine, fruit, flowers, or even homemade cookies or brownies will be a welcome treat.

Another copy of the itinerary will be handy, along with a list of phone numbers to reach families of the bride and groom. Encourage your guests to mingle by including the names and room numbers of additional guests staying at the same hotel.

RECEPTION
Take every opportunity possible to let all of your guests know how much their presence means to you. A few sincere comments from you and your parents during the receiving line will mean so much to guests who have traveled to share your day. Your out-of-town guests will appreciate being acknowledged with a toast from the bride and groom during the reception, just to let everyone know how much their journey has meant to you.

THANK YOU NOTES
When it?s time to send out notes to thank everyone for their gifts to you and your new spouse, don?t forget to thank them for attending your wedding, in particular if they took time off from work and traveled to be there.

It may seem like a bit of work for you to put the plans in motion to make your guests feel at home, but with a little help from your attendants it shouldn?t take much time at all to assemble everything. There?s nothing worse than taking time off from work, spending your hard-earned cash, and staying in a hotel, only to be ignored by the very people who invited you to take this journey. Don?t let your guests leave your wedding feeling that way.

You know that fear, that absolute panic, that you?ll do something?or forget to do something?that will RUIN your wedding day?

That fear can ruin your excitement and happiness about being a bride. It transforms smart, capable, sane young women into neurotics suffering from panic attacks, headaches, stomach pain and sleepless nights.
If you don?t learn from the mistakes of the brides who gone before, YOU might end up that stressed out, panicked bride. But if you listen to the advice of the already married brides, you can avoid their mistakes and relax, knowing your dream wedding lies ahead of you.
I interviewed dozens brides after their weddings and asked them, ?If you were planning your wedding all over again, what would you do differently and WHY??
The brides gave the same answers over and over again. They made these 9 common mistakes that still haunt them?months and sometimes even years after the wedding.
Here are the 9 things brides said they would do differently if they had the chance to do it all again:

1) I Would Have Spent the Money To Hire a Professional.
These brides were smart with their money; they knew what they wanted and they cut expenses where they didn’t think they would miss it.
When it came to saving money, they figured, ?Why hire a professional when I can do it myself??
It?s true?they DID save money by doing it themselves. But it came at a hidden cost.
Jennifer knew she wanted a professional photographer to capture the memories of her wedding day, but she had a limited budget. So she found the photo-journalistic photographer of her dreams and struck a bargain. He would take digital photos and give her the disc at the end of her wedding day. Then Jennifer?could put together her own albums instead of paying him to do them.
Jennifer?saved $2,000 on the cost of her photography. A good deal, right?
WRONG. Talking to Jennifer?eight months after her wedding, she STILL didn’t have an album put together. In fact, her parents have the disc and were the only ones to see the photos.
Jennifer?says she will get to her album ?eventually.? But looking back, she regrets not paying to have a professional album done. If she?d paid a little extra money then, she?d have an album of beautiful photos to look back and remember her wedding. Now, she has nothing.
Tara?s regret is a little different. She was a budget-conscious, creative bride. Her bouquets and boutonnieres were purchased through an online flower distributor at a deep discount. But when it came to her floral centerpieces, she figured she was capable enough to put together her own arrangements.
She got a book on flower arranging and bought her roses wholesale. Tara saved hundreds on the cost of her flowers. But now that her wedding is over, does she consider that a bargain?
Nope.
?Yes, doing my own bulk flower arrangements was a huge money saver. But what a hassle! These boxes of flowers showed up at my mother?s house the week of my wedding, and it drove me crazy spending hours and hours putting them together. It would have saved my SANITY if I?d paid someone else to do it. I regret never even asking a florist for prices. And the professional bouquets we had done were WAY better.?
Sarah thought she would save some money by not hiring a professional wedding DJ. She decided that she knew what she wanted (never mind the guests) and put together a playlist of all of her favorite songs. Dave, the groom, added a bunch of his favorite tracks too! They loaded up an iPod and connected it to a boom box. Guess what? Nobody danced and the party ended early. ?The pace of the music didn’t flow and it was hard to even hear it! ?Then her cousins started messing with the playlist and kept playing Gagnam Style over and over again.

What?s the lesson here?
You’ve got to think about the big picture. If you?re thinking about a Do It Yourself project, ask yourself?
Do I have the skill to pull this off? Will I enjoy doing it or will it create more stress? Do I have the time? Can I accept amateur results? If something is super important to your dream wedding, don?t try to do it yourself. Many times a talented professional can create an option that fits in your budget AND give you the results you want?without the hassle.

2) I Would Have Given Myself More Time To Plan.
When we imagine how long it takes to do something, we plan based on how long it should take when everything goes RIGHT.
We often forget to consider all the distractions and delays, the interruptions and the unexpected time-consuming tasks we don?t know about. It?s human nature. We UNDERESTIMATE how much time we need to complete something.
But when you?re planning a wedding, this mistake can be deadly.
Amanda was a bride and a professional photographer. She planned her wedding for June?her busiest time of the year. She had months to plan and figured she would have more than enough time for everything.
Unfortunately for Amanda, she DIDN’T have time. Her photography business was booming. She was shooting weddings right up until her own wedding date.
Amanda had planned to send invitations to her B list?but she never found the time.
?I regret not having more people at my wedding,? she said sadly. ?It would have been so much more fun.?
Rebecca allowed herself eight months to plan her wedding. She was a human resources manager who knew how to manage her time. Eight months seemed like more than enough.
It wasn’t.
Rebecca felt rushed to book by vendors who insisted she had to book NOW or risk losing her first choice. In hindsight, she would have allowed at least a year to plan everything so that she could enjoy it.
Allowing MORE time is always better than LESS.

3) I Would Have Communicated Better About MONEY.
Money is a touchy subject, especially when it comes to gifts. I mean, if your parents are giving you money for your wedding, talking about it feels just?AWKWARD.
Stacie learned the importance of communicating about money the hard way.
She was fortunate enough to have both her parents and her future in-laws chip in toward the wedding. Stacie thanked them for their contributions and went about setting up her budget.
Then the DRAMA started.
?You?re spending the money I gave you on a dress?? her mother asked. ?You should be paying for the dress, not me.?
?What do you mean you bought wedding favors with my money? I didn’t want to pay for your stupid favors!?
Lots of arguments, misunderstandings, and hurt feelings came about as a result of not communicating. Stacie wishes she had known then what she knows now:
Talking about the money saves lots of drama down the road.
When her parents offered to contribute to the wedding, Stacie wishes she had said, ?Thanks so much! How would you like to contribute, specifically?? and then let them put that money toward the parts of her wedding that were most important to them.
Laura ran into another money communication issue. She met with her photographer, who she loved. She was so impressed with his services that she paid his full asking price without question.
Four months later, she found out that her friend booked the same photographer with the same package?for $800 LESS.
Not communicating about money, whether it?s with your family or your vendors, causes stress and wastes valuable time and money.

4) I Would Have Been Less Stressed When I Was Planning.
Mia did a terrific job planning her wedding. She delegated tasks to her family members and to her fiance, letting them gather information for her to make the final decisions. She even had many of her tasks completed before her deadlines.
But when I asked Mia what she would do differently if she was planning her wedding all over again, she told me she wishes she hadn’t been so stressed during the planning process.
?I made my decisions and then I started second-guessing myself,? Mia sighed. ?I kept worrying about whether I?d made the right choice. I burned up all this energy being stressed out, instead of enjoying what it felt like to be engaged.?
Mia told me that in the end she discovered that all her planning and research paid off?she DID make the right choices. ?I should have trusted myself, instead of worrying. In the end, everything turned out fine.?
Christine agreed. ?I wasted so much time worrying!? she said. ?My fiance had it right; once we made a decision he just let go and was confident that we made the right choice.?
All the planning these brides did was vital to the success of their weddings. But it was just as vital to trust themselves to make the right decisions and then let go. Keeping yourself tied up in knots with worry takes the fun out of getting married.

5) I Would Have Savored My Engagement More.
Lisa had a two year engagement. She gave herself months and months to plan. Still, as soon as he proposed, she dove right into planning.
?I?d been casually shopping around for a dress months before Aaron proposed,? Lisa admitted, ?so when it finally happened I knew exactly which one I wanted. I started hunting down my photographer and location right away, without even taking a breath.?
Lisa was so busy doing things for her engagement that she forgot to notice what it felt like to be engaged. ?Looking back, I wished I had slowed down my engagement and let it last longer. Everything went so fast!? she said.
There?s a lot to do when you?re planning a wedding. But as important as it is to do those tasks, it?s also important to take the time to enjoy the experience.
Every few moments, slow down, take a deep breath, and reflect. ?This is my wedding I?m planning. I?m getting married!?
No matter how long your engagement, it?s going to FLY. Take the time to savor it.

6) I Would Have Taken More Formal Portraits With My Family.
Kristin hired a photo-journalistic photographer for her wedding because she wanted to capture the fun and emotion as it happened, instead of setting it up for the camera. She gave her photographer a brief list of family photos to take, and instructed her to take candids the rest of the time.
That was great on the wedding day. But afterward, Kristin had a lot of regrets.
?I gave my photographer a list of pictures I wanted,? Kristin said, ?but I didn’t get one shot with my grandmother. She complains about it every time I see her! I wish I?d been more specific.?
Michelle was dead set against ?cheesy? posed shots. ?I didn’t want any fake smiles and unnatural poses in my wedding album,? she said.
But after the wedding, Michelle realized that some of those posed photos would have been nice to have. ?I hated the idea of having our photographer position us for a photograph in front of the fireplace or kissing in front of the cake. But when I look at other people?s wedding albums, those are the really great photos. I wish I?d taken more posed shots.?
Nobody wants to be pushed around on her wedding day. But once it?s over, your memories?and those photographs?are all you have left. If you want to remember your big day clearly, make sure you take pictures with your closest family and consider posed photos as a way to capture your day forever.

7) I Would Have Invited Fewer Guests.
Rebecca was a smart bride. She set up her budget, decided which parts of her wedding were most important, and spent her money there. By cutting in areas of lesser importance, she was able to have her dream wedding.
?My one regret,? Rebecca said, ?was having so many people. I chose an average location for my wedding so that I could invite all of the guests on my list and stay in budget. But I wish I hadn’t invited those ?obligated? guests. I could have invited fewer people and afforded a much nicer place.?
Brooke found herself in a similar situation. ?I only had so much money to spend,? she told me. ?My parents pressured me to invite a lot of their friends. There were people at my wedding that I didn’t even know!?
In hindsight, Brooke wishes she had stuck to her guns and only invited the people she wanted at the wedding. ?If I hadn’t let my parents push me into inviting more people, I could have had my wedding at a castle, my dream wedding location. Instead, I had to settle.?
On your wedding day, you owe it to yourself to be surrounded by your closest family and friends. PERIOD.
Especially if you are on a budget, don?t invite someone unless you really want there. Otherwise, you?ll regret it.

8) I Should Have Hired a Day of Coordinator.
Stacie managed a lot of do it yourself projects for her wedding. Most of them turned out great.
But when it came to coordinating the last minute details, she had some regrets.
?I really wish I had someone to look over the ?little things? on my wedding day, so that I wouldn’t have worried about it. I didn’t have anyone getting me food and making sure I ate, and my sweetheart table was set up all wrong. These things really bugged me! With all the time I put into planning, it would have been worth it to pay someone a few hundred dollars to be the Chief so I could relax.?
Kate even tried to run her own ceremony rehearsal. ?It was nuts!? she laughed. ?There I was, telling everyone how they needed to line up, even trying to tell my friend who married us how to say his lines, and I was supposed to be getting married!?
Kate wishes she had given each person who was supposed to be ?helping? her a list of specific responsibilities for the day of the wedding. Since no one knew what to do, and her family and friends were caught up with nervousness and excitement, some of the little details she?d been looking forward to were missed.
Somebody?s going to coordinate your big day. Coordinating is a full time job. Make sure it isn’t YOU, so that you get enjoy being the bride on your wedding day.

9) I Should Have Added Extra Time To My Day Of Schedule.
This is the number one regret brides have after their weddings.
Leah had to practice good time management; she was a lawyer studying for the Barr exam right before her wedding. For her, wasting time wasn’t an option.
When I asked Leah what she would do differently, she told me she wished she hadn’t felt so rushed. ?I was still so hyper from all the hard work of planning the wedding and getting everything done in time. I didn’t even have ONE drink! I wished I had made the day last longer.?
Delia told me, ?Everything was CRAZY on my wedding day. Everyone always tells you it goes so fast?and they?re right. It was over before I knew it.?
Even though Delia?s married friends told her to make sure she stopped to look around and really soak everything in on her wedding day, she was too busy to pause. She missed a lot of moments she didn’t know about until her guests told her afterwards.
Make sure you allow more time than you think you will need for all the little details of transportation, photos and events.
On your wedding day, plan little ?time outs? with your fiance to look out at your loved ones all gathered in one place for you. Steal as many of these moments as you can throughout your day, stepping out of the party to catch your breath.
Those are the moments when you?ll remember what it felt like to be a bride on your wedding day.

No More Regrets!
I work with some of the smartest, most creative and inspiring brides out there:)

By taking just a few extra steps, you can easily ensure that your guests have a memorable time at your wedding reception.

When you arrive at the reception site, let your entire wedding party take their places at the head table. Traditionally, the bride and groom, their parents and attendants sit at a long, lavish table facing the guests. Begin the reception by taking your seats to enjoy some food and then cut the cake. After that, it?s time for the newlyweds and parents to work the room as separate couples.

MINGLE
Move around and see people, giving each guest some personal time. You?ll have the best experience if you and your new husband remain together as you mingle. That way, you can introduce each other to relatives and friends that your spouse may not yet have met. Plus, your guests want to say hello to both of you, not just one of you.

ACCESS TO EVERYONE
Another option, rather than going from table to table, is for you and your new spouse to stand in a spot that’s easily accessible to everyone at the party. For example, you could position yourself on the dance floor or in front of the bridal party table. Don’t block doorways or stand in the corner; this will only create havoc and result in guests missing their opportunity to speak with you.

DINNER SEATING
During dinner, small talk may be less awkward for your guests based on how you have chosen to handle seating arrangements. If you?re allowing guests to choose their own seats, they have the option of sitting next to someone they?re already acquainted with for comfortable conversations, or they can enjoy meeting someone new.

If part of your wedding planning will include toiling for months, creating a floor plan of the room, then be sure to consider personality types and how guests might get along with others, and then meticulously assign them to specific tables.

Keep in mind eight to 10 people can sit comfortably at each table. Just be careful to anticipate guests? needs ? don?t sit Great-Aunt Harriet right next to the DJ?s biggest speakers.

CONVERSATION STARTERS
One way to break the ice at your guests? tables ? and add your own personalities to the affair ? is to throw away table numbers and name the tables. Give them names with meaning to you and your fianc?. Perhaps the characters from the movie you saw on your first date or landmarks from the alma mater you share.

GRATITUDE
As you visit with your guests, it?s important is to let them know you?re glad they are a part of the day. These people have come at your invitation, with many of them rescheduling their work and traveling a distance, and it?s your obligation, as hosts, to make sure that they each get their fair share of time.

Before you choose a gown or decide on a menu, there?s one task that you must begin as soon as possible. A well-thought out guest list can save time and money as you plan your wedding.

Many prenuptial arrangements can?t be made and checks can?t be written until you?ve prepared a meticulous guest list. Invitations, postage and deposits for ceremony and reception sites, caterer, baker and rental of tables, chairs, linens and place settings all hinge on the length of your guest list.

Get started on your guest list as soon as the diamond goes on your finger, and refer to it often as the weeks progress.

Start with a mini file box full of index cards or create a spreadsheet. Either way, you?ll be set to stay organized as you receive RSVPs and gifts. Keeping track of the thank you notes you?ve sent will be a breeze if you make notes as you go, plus your efforts will provide a head start on future Christmas card and baby announcement lists.

Keep track of the guests? names, address, phone number, email address, and number of guests for that address. As they RSVP, everything you need to know will be at your fingertips.

The A list is family, the B list is long-term friends of five years or more, and the C list is people you?d like to invite if your budget allows.

As you get along in the planning and it looks like you can only afford 75, cut it at the B list and leave it at that. Move on. Or, as you receive regrets from people on your A and B lists, begin sending invitations to those at the top of your C list. If you?ve planned ahead and mailed your A and B invitations early enough, your C list invitations will arrive in mailboxes with time to spare ? and your C list people won?t even realize they were on the C list at all.

How many guests do you anticipate from your side of the family vs. your fianc? and his family? Start out on your road toward marital bliss by deciding early on how you?ll divide the invitations. Should your family send out half and his family the other half? Or maybe you?ll divide the stack of invitations into fourths, keeping a portion for yourself and giving the rest to your fianc?, your parents, and his parents.

How many guests should you expect? Each invitation usually represents two people. However, that doesn?t mean 200 invitations will yield a crowd of 400. Most brides end up with fewer guests than originally expected. There will always be a few guests who send an RSVP but don?t attend for whatever reason.

Will children be welcome at your wedding or had you hoped for an adults-only affair? The best time to make this decision is while honing your guest list ? not when your distant cousin with screaming triplets shows up at the ceremony.

The best way to let guests know whether kids are invited is by writing on the invitation?s inner envelope only the names of those who are invited. Instead of ?John, Mary and family,? write ?John and Mary.? Whatever you do, don?t state, ?No children, please? on the invitation or the envelope.

To make sure certain guests are in attendance, send save-the-date cards. They?ve gained popularity in recent years, and are an especially thoughtful way to provide out-of-town guests plenty of time to schedule time off work and make travel arrangements.

Feeling pressured to invite your entire company? Invite immediate co-workers and those you interact with each day. Others will understand. If necessary, pass the word that the hall only holds so many people.

Bottom line, invite those who will be honored to attend and will consider it a compliment to be part of your day.