4. The comment bomber (bloggus ubiquitous, sometimes also known as copius pastus)

5. The troll (trollus trollos)

6. The joker (humorous excessivus)

7. The spammer (spamma posta)

8. The social media expert (hootsuito tweetdecko pro)

9. The pedant (paidagogos overperfectus)

10. The starry-eyed fan (sychophantidae sychophantidus)

Here are ten more. Do you recognise any of these?

1. The 24/7er

Species: Perpetualus omnipresentus

No matter how much time you spend on YouTwitFaceInstaPinPress, these are the people who make you feel like a part-time shirker.

If they’re not churning out five blog posts a day or writing reviews about their eleventy-five half-term days out, they’ve also commented on every post you read while maintaining a full-on assault on every social media channel you know (and a whole lot you didn’t even know existed). Heck, they probably still have an active MySpace page.

You’ll know if you ever meet one of these, as they’re the ones with stumps where their fingers used to be before all that typing wore them down.

2. The armchair critic

Species: Crapidnae critica

Nothing you do will ever please these individuals, who are closely related to the ‘pedant’ (paidagogos overperfectus) but are distinguished by the mean streak down their back.

They consider you inferior for daring to have an opinion different to theirs (because there is only one ‘correct’ opinion: theirs). They call you a terrible writer as they gleefully point out the one typo you missed in a 1,000-word post by means of a comment littered with errors. And they are the master of the passive-aggressive, not-personal-but-really-very-personal insult which they claim isn’t meant to be an insult at all. It’s totally your fault that you don’t understand what they’re saying, of course.

3. Mr/Mrs/Ms Perfect

Species: Perfectus superiorus

Everything about their lives is perfect and *so* much better than yours.

They have the perfect job, the perfect children, the perfect house – and they’re more than happy to offer you their banal home-spun wisdom (it’s actually something they’ve copied word-for-word from something they read on Pinterest) to help you improve your pathetic life. And did they mention how perfect their life is recently?

4. The joke thief

Species: Humora copia

An individual who falsely portrays themselves as Laurel and Hardy, Eric Morecambe and Russell Brand all rolled into one, but funnier.

When they see a good joke on Twitter, instead of just retweeting it like anyone else would, they copy it into a new tweet and pass it off as their own. And post it on Facebook. And then create their own pinnable image for Pinterest.

When challenged about their plagiarism they will feign ignorance, even though their tweet just happens to be time-stamped exactly one minute after the original, which was tweeted by someone they just happen to follow.

5. The argument finisher

Species: Ultima worda

This type of user cannot leave an argument without having the last word so that they can claim victory and the moral high ground.

There are two distinct subspecies of the argument finisher. One is a troll (trollus trollos), while the other is the type of person who unwittingly gets drawn into a never-ending argument with a troll (victimus innocenti).

6. The angriest (wo)man in the world EVAH

Species: Ragius ragii

Some people are just spoiling for an argument and can be offended by the most innocent of comments.

They constantly take umbrage at anyone who says anything that could in any way be interpreted by them as offensive, which is basically everything they come across: “hello”, for instance, especially if not followed by at least five smiley emojis.

Everyone they come into contact with is incompetent, racist, sexist, misogynist and various other -ists that they’ll invent when the occasion suits. Any attempt to calm them down is met with the accusation that you’re being blatantly angry-ist.

7. The Queen Bee

Species: Bitcha majora

Despite the name, this species has both male and female forms. They consider themselves to be the ruler and ultimate arbiter of their little corner of social media (and secretly believe the world would be a much better place if they were given total control over policing the web).

Woe betide anyone who challenges their authority, as they will be slapped firmly back into place for daring to point out that social media is so great because it’s democratic and allows everyone an equal voice. The bitcha majora will acknowledge this but claim that some users are more equal than others – specifically, them.

8. Mr/Mrs/Ms Literal

Species: Verbalis literalis

A sister species to ragius ragii, this type of person takes everything literally and is incapable of detecting irony, sarcasm and any other form of humour unless accompanied by 15 exclamation marks and a line of emojis.

Even then, they’re still not sure.

9. The know-it-all

Species: Knowitallus rex

Knows everything about everything. Adept at Googling facts and then posting a sarcastic comment such as “Did you not know that? Thicko!”, as if everyone should know that the Eiffel Tower is 301 metres high.

I know that because I just looked it up on Wikipedia and then cross-checked it via Google. Duh.

10. The chain-mailers

Species: Memeus prolificus

We all like a good meme, but this type of user will share every one circulating around social media, even ones that people who don’t have internet access and live in a cave on a remote island in the middle of the Pacific have already seen 17 times.

Most are harmless, but a small minority (memeus overreacticus) also suffer from a hormonal imbalance that renders them insanely angry if they tag you in a meme and you dare to ignore it.

Do you know of any other social media species who should be put on the endangered list?

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Oh, definitely, 99% of people you meet online are lovely and reasonable and very, very few people really meet these exaggerated archetypes. Although I have come across each of these in the past! (And I have bene guilty of occasionally displaying such behaviours myself.)

Nah. While I’m sure many of us recognise ourselves in one or two of these occasionally, you have to go some way to be any of these types in their entirelty (although I can name people I know who fit each of the 10 types …)

It makes you honest, Mike – no more, no less. If we’re all equally honest, I think we would recognise that we are all some of these from time to time. It’s when people are like it all/most of the time when it becomes a problem!

Only occasionally, Sarah. Certain subjects where passions run high and opinions differ widely, such as sports and TV, seem to attract more than their fair share of these, particularly Twitter and online forums. By comparison, parenting blogs are an extremely peaceful and civil place to be for the most part. 🙂

This is great! Very true and I can definitely name a few people who fit perfectly into some of these categories. I wonder which one I would be – are there any “normal” people on the internet? Ray xx @ lukeosaurusandme.co.uk #bigfatlinky

It all depends where you hang out. Parenting blogs are one of the more benign corners of social media (although many bloggers will recognise several of these types). But just try, say, football forums and you’ll see how common some of these types are …

Sadly, I think most of us encounter most of these types at some point. I’ve come across them all on at least one occasion, but then I’ve also spent way too much time over the years on various social media and forums!

This is amazing Tim! I read it the other day and have been meaning to comment ever since. I wonder what you would class me as 😉 I am always amazed at the 24/7-ers… how on earth do they manage to be on social medial ALL THE TIME and have a life? #thetruthabout

It’s funny, isn’t it? I have genuinely encountered each of these 20 types before (and on occasion I will admit I’ve been a few of them myself). I often think that we sometimes get a glimpse of what people are really like on social media, although equally the concise nature of things like Twitter means that it’s easy to get an exaggerrated or incorrect view of people too.

Oh this is as fab as the first round of this! I giggled reading that first one – I often think I am such a social media part timer (except on a Tuesday hehe!). Thanks so much for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday

I know what you mean. I always feel like I am barely keeping my head above water – I’m constantly annoying myself at the way I will disappear from Twitter for entire days at a time, and I always have a stack of blog post ideas just waiting to be started/finished. I’ve just looked in my drafts and there are 22 posts in various states of incompletion – and that’s not counting the ones I haven’t even started yet!

Ooh, there is a small but annoying clique of social media trolls that follow you and unfollow you for months on end in an attempt to get you to follow them back. It’s never going to happen because you’re really not interested in Brazilian heavy metal, but they are persistent. Are they a new breed that needs to be extinguished? 🙂 #sharewithme

Love the armchair critic. I’ve met a few of those on social in my time. What about the Hapless Agree’er? They come upon disagreements online and jump onboard, talking authoritatively and backing up everything one person says despite not knowing any of the real story.

Hi Jennifer – if I’d known you were popping by I’d have brought in tea and cakes (like I need an excuse …)

Ooh, the Hapless Agree’er. I’ve definitely met a few of those in my time. They also can’t be bothered to even skim the rest of the previous discussion, and just end up making points that have already been made three times by other people as if they were the first person to have ever had that thought.

Oh good lord Tim, this is brilliant, I recognise every type here, and could think of a specific person on social media/blogging for everyone! If I had to put myself in a category, I’m probably the wanky interiors/craft person minus the perfect life, although I promise all ideas are my own 😉

It is impressive how 24/7ers manage it. Or worrying, depending how you look at it. I often dip in and out of social media at work during the day while wandering from place to place. You can always tell when I have a heavy day or am in an all-day meeting as I will disappear for the entire day and then suddenly bombard the airwaves in the evening … 🙂

Great list, very funny! I like the hashtag games on Twitter so I see a lot of the #4 joke copiers (or maybe they just think of the same things to say!). I also know lots of 3s and someone who is such a 24/7er it’s almost awe-inspiring!

Some people are incredibly efficient about maximising their social media presence, aren’t they? Although there are some who I think genuinely sit attached to their phone or keyboard throughout the entire day!

You’re not alone in recognising yourself in some of these. It’s the people who take these to extremes who are the ones to watch out for – occasional transgressions are as forgivable as they are understandable.

Haha this is brilliant – I would like to add The Socialite to the mix – the one who posts happy happy pics of their fabulous family or days out or meals they have attended even though you know they feel crap. But it still makes you feel crap…

That really made me laugh. So true! I think I know people from all the categories, especially the mr/mrs literal. I can’t seem to help being extra sarcastic to this type though lol
Debbie
myrandommusings.blogspot,com

Ha, I’m having a funny month! I’ve got the badge permanently in my sidebar – because I’m usually adding to linkies via my phone it’s too fiddly to copy and paste the code in (and if I don’t do it immediately I’m guaranteed to forget), so having it in the sidebar ensures it’s always there.