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Wednesday, December 31, 2014

It's one of those years where all the incredible blessings came with an underlying trial.

I learned a lot about inner strength this year. And love.

You threw things my way that had I known was coming, I would have never thought I would have gotten through them. But that's the beauty of the unknown, if we were to know the trying things to come we would forever live in fear and dread; always wondering how in the WORLD we would make it through.

But what we don't know is all the weapons that we will have at our disposal; our spouse, family, good friends, God.

This is the first year maybe ever, that I actually feel like I want to sit down and think about how I want to live my life in 2015. Sans the title of mama.

What do I want to accomplish?

It''s been so busy lately I feel a little lost it in it all.

Lost in the daily grind of raising two children.

Lost in the hard work of making sure my baby's needs are continuously being met and all the challenges that comes with a baby (can I get an AMEN?).

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

I have always wanted two, right in a row, and I don't know if that was God's way of gently giving me a heart for what was to come or random, but when I got two my dreams came true.

I love the dynamic between the two of them, the similarities and differences, and I am so looking forward to the time in their lives when they become buddies. True friends and supporters (and competitors, because let's be real, they're still boys)!

I think a lot about what I will mean to them down the road. In twenty years, forty years. What role will I play in their life then?

The relationship daughters have with their parents is awesome. An eventual friendship, based on trust, and built on decades of unconditional love from two people. It's a gift from our parents really, to have given us a sense of security that we can now give to our children.

What kind of relationship do boys have with their parents as adults?

What will I one day mean to Ben and Cooper?

Because now my boys adore mom. I am their world.
And as they grow their world becomes more split between their dad and me, but for now? It's mom. That's the season we are in. They will likely never remember this season of complete love and dependence, but for me it is daily ingrained in my memories and is now a big part of who I am.

Soon these boys of mine will grow older and we will enter new seasons.

I hope to soon enter one where we teach them confidence, strength and kindness -

than one that teaches self-sustenance, commitment and grit -

and eventually these boys will take all of these seasons we've shared and go out into the world and use them to become men.

They'll never know the role they played in my life.

I'll tell them, probably too much, but, they will never really understand. They will get it a little when they become fathers, but never truly get it.
Recently I stumbled across this blog post 9 Truths Moms of Boys Need to Know. And all the sudden I was reminded of my greater purpose in their lives. Here's an excerpt:

"Raising good men is a wonderful and honorable thing. Men who are gentle, kind and nurturing. Men who treat women and children well. Men who will make loving, devoted husbands. This is an overwhelming responsibility but you are up to the task. You've been given this amazing opportunity. Enjoy it. Own it. And reap the rewards." -Abby Rodman