Friday, 21 October 2016

I'm not gonna say I'm okay. I don't wanna be okay. Because I'm really not okay. I'd be lying if I said it didn't affect me. Of course it fucking affected me, anyone in my shoes with the same feelings would feel exactly how I feel. Oversensitive? Not that I have to justify myself but, if I'm not sensitive then I wouldn't be me? Those who assumed I'd be okay with it, or wants me to be okay with it, what? Are you denying me of my feelings? I can't feel what I'm feeling, just because the world think its no big deal? Okay.

If I told you I was okay when I'm not, that'll just erase everything that happened, and I'm expected to forget about it all together, so everyone can get back on with their lives. Convenient? Yeah. To everyone but me.

"Stop being too sensitive."
Magic words that have effect the moment you say it. Not. I'm not asking you, or anyone to pity me, but I'm really trying to not let things bother me. But they just do. Simple things gives me pleasure, but when your yardstick for happiness is that low, little things affect you easily as well. Its harder when someone you thought has your back, tells you to watch your own. Just because people think I'm strong, doesn't mean I am. Just because people think I'll be fine, doesn't mean I'll be okay.

Okay is not happy, but okay is not bad enough for anyone to care. Okay is not okay.