Saturday, December 22, 2012

So, as promised, this post will include all things sinful that come along with celebrating Christmas!

Ofcourse, Sley and I got to a slow start this morning so mom had already started with the Sausage Balls...

These babies were just coming out of the oven as Sley and I walked in the door.

I wanted fudge with pecans because last batch that was made didn't have nuts. Mom agreed to the nuts if I provided them so luckily, my friend Gwen gave me some shelled pecans. Sley was put in charge of chopping them up.

(What a sexy nut chopper)

Mom taste testing the goods

My brother getting in on the action

The dogs kept coming in the kitchen and begging for food (well my dog, Dixie, doesn't beg...she just gets in the way...Axel barks until you give him food) so to kill 2 birds with one stone, I pulled out raw hides and sent them to the living room.

The sausage balls were done and Mom and I were about to start on the fudge...Sley had retired from his job as "nut chopper" to the living room to watch Amish Mafia while Mom and I trudged along.

We would have made Paula Deen proud with all this sugar and butter

Fudge is hard work! Now I know why we don't make it often. I remember going to Engelhard (where my dad's family lives) and always going straight for my grandma's fudge when I got there. No one else really liked it with the nuts so there was always a whole tin waiting for me that lasted the whole weekend.

After fudge, we cooked (well, not really cooked...more like made...) Chocolate Peanut Butter Oatmeal Cookies. I wasn't really a fan of these at first but having to smell them as I made them, I learned to like them a little more...﻿

oh well, I can't turn it right side up but you get the picture...

After the no-bake, Chocolate Peanut Butter Oatmeal cookies were completed, of course, Sley had to participate in a little taste tesing!

Mom started in on the chocolate chip cookies

Us kids (Victor, Sley, & I) decided to exercise our right to bear arms and go for a little target practice

Sley shooting "gangsta style"

Victor and Sley about to pop a cap

Even I got in on the action and shot a few rounds!

We got back home and this is what we found! ﻿

All the sausage balls have been eaten and the Chocolate Peanut Butter cookies are next to being gone! It has definitely been a fun food day for us! Hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas!!! After all these goodies, I'm sure I know what my New Year's Resolution will be...﻿

Thursday, December 20, 2012

O.M.G ya'll I am about to fall out from exhaustion. Shopping has been done and gifts are wrapped and I have 1 more day of work until 5 days of perfect (chaotic) peace!

Work has been insane and it's only going to be worse tomorrow since we are closed for Christmas.

Last night I got to face time with the bestie and Claire. With all the hustle and bustle this time of year, we havent had that much time to communicate. Ofcourse when I said I got to facetime with Paige, I really meant we heard each other's laughter as Sley and Claire talked, laughed, and cooed at each other. Claire's infatuation with Sley (or Say as she calls him) has minimized her love for Aunty AP. Sad day. But as sickening as it is to see her love for him (lol) it warms my heart because one day, I know he is going to make one fantastic daddy. I couldn't talk to her for a whole minute for her asking for "Say". Oh well, it makes me happy to see her happy and its nice to hear my bestie laugh since we can't talk during their play time.

Saturday, Sley and I are heading to my parents house to make goodies. all day. Here is what we have come up with :
-peanut butter oatmeal cookies
-fudge (WITH NUTS because I love it!)
-cookies
-sausage balls
-rice krispy treats
I think thats it...I refuse to feel guilty about eating these because Christmas comes once a year so HA!

I really look forward to this Christmas. I have a few tricks up my sleeve that Sley doesn't know about and the main thing he got me was my very own recliner that I've been wanting! I can't wait to pop a squat in that sucker over Christmas break and enjoy the view of the Christmas tree before we have to take it down until next year!

I would be lying if I said it was easy to forget about Brandon's family this time of year. I enjoyed spending time with them and enjoying family traditions that were upheld for the 5 years we were together. I know new memories and traditions are in the mix but I miss "Santa" at his mom's house and just spending time with his sisters, laughing, eating, and watching "Christmas Vacation". I have thought about sending his mom a letter or a card, just letting her know that I still think about her and miss her, but I'm not sure her feelings toward me. I know Brandon turned her against me at one point (like I was the one that left him for a married person?) but I don't know. I guess we will see.

This weekend, I will be sure to take lots of pics and if it isn't too late when we finish, I may squeeze in another post!

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

I've shared about the hell I went through before my divorce when I was still married

I shared about my dark days after Brandon left me

I shared my heart and feelings while going through the divorce

I shared about going on unfamiliar dates

I shared when I settled down with Sley

I just recently shared of our engagement!

Now what? It's different telling about me and Brandon's ups and downs because he is no longer in the picture. I totally agree with the phrase "you shouldn't air your dirty laundry", especially out of respect and the love I have for Sley. Everyone has their disagreements, their misunderstandings, their tiffs (which luckily with Sley and I, are few and far between). So I sit here pondering, "what is too much to write? what constitutes airing my ugly, stinky, worn out, stained dirty laundry?" I've always been real on my blog but now that I'm in a relationship with a man whom I plan to marry one day, there has been an imaginary, automatic, fine line drawn.

I never want Sley to feel like our privacy is being encroached upon by me blogging about our lives so I guess the game plan for me is to ask permission before blogging about something personal between us. It's only fair. If he isn't comfortable with me putting an issue out there then I respect him. I am a pretty open person, if you want to know, I'll tell you. My poop isn't a colorful rainbow of skittles (lol although that would be pretty dang awesome!). My objective for this blog is for those who read it, who wonder like I have if their life is the only one in shambles, who wonder if there is hope beyond a failed marriage, who have trust issues and wonder if they are crazy...to offer some comfort to them, to let them know they aren't alone, they aren't crazy, and life sometimes sucks but will get better! To those who read it that have a wonderful life all the time, grab yourself a cookie from me...on my blog I offer you laughter and a good read.

I still struggle daily; not as much about Brandon being gone but just trying to break myself from how he left me. I have a constant fear of Sley waking up one morning and not wanting to be with me anymore and/or telling me he doens't love me. I have turned into a control freak who doesn't like change, who thrives off of a calendar, and can't handle big crowds or feel out of place. Wow reading that I'm like, "what a nut case!"

I digress.

So folks, this is where I stand! I hope since I am not going through something life threatening, earth shaking, devastating, that you dont feel bored. I assure you this life of mine is FAR from boring...boring sounds so nice...So stay tuned to random posts about who knows what and thank you all so much for reading this thing and offering your encouragement to me! This blog has really turned into somewhat of a self help for me and I want to thank you for trodding though this muddy pit of mine called life! Mud can be so dirty but sometimes it can be so much fun!!!

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Sley proposed to me in downtown Wilson, in front of a crowd right before getting on a romantic carriage ride around the block, last Friday night, Nov. 30. Sorry it has taken me until now to update but I wanted to update with pics but at home it takes forever and most of you are friends of mine on facebook so you've seen my pics!

I wish I could say that the night up until the proposal was magical but I would be telling a story. I mean, it was FAR from it and it was mainly my fault!

**Bare with me, this post is all over the place!

So you remember from a few posts back how I was having troubling keeping my emotions under control? Well I went to the Dr* and was prescribed 2mg Valium. The first night I took the entire pill and 30 minutes later started drooling, so Sley and I both agreed that I didn't need the whole pill.

**The day I got divorced, I took off the whole day and set my Dr. appt for that afternoon. I am very confident when I say I will NEVER. EVER. go to Wendell Urgent Care again. The Dr/owner wasn't there so I had to see a different Dr. I HATE TAKING MEDS but I knew I needed something! After getting my vitals taken by the nurse and explaining that I understood everyone has their own problems and such and I felt dumb for being there, I explained to her (while crying) everything I've been through this year (the main part most of you don't know about). She believed I was correct in coming. She was so sweet and said everyone needs a little help sometimes. After she walked out to get the Dr., I felt more confident that I did the right thing in coming. Next thing I know, the Dr. comes in, tells me no medicine is going to fix my problems and the reason my chest hurts and I have anxiety is because I won't talk about things. Now, while that may be true that no medicine is going to fix anything I have going on, it will keep me from crying all. the. time. and help me from chopping someones head off for blinking. Any way, I left there with a prescription of 15 Valium and told "if you use all of these in a month then we have problems." Then and there, I vowed never to step foot in there unless that Dr. isn't there anymore. Her bedside manner was awful! and she had an attitude that she was better than everyone.

Oh yea! The proposal night! So Thursday night, Sley and I went out to eat with his cousins for dinner. I didn't take my 1/4 of Valium that day because I don't want to be dependent upon that to be happy but apparently I'm not ready for that yet because before we went out to eat, I wouldn't even talk to Sley, much less look at him. He asked, "Did you take you medicine today shug?" and I burst out crying, then laughing...So I took the meds, we ate and on the way home he said timidly, "Will you please take your meds tomorrow? I don't want to see you like this tomorrow night."

We had already planned on going to downtown Wilson on Friday earlier that week because they were having a special Christmas "thing" going on and had a horse and carriage ride, free to the public. There were a bunch of us going and the weather was perfect, just like it ought to be in December, COLD!

So Friday morning, I got up and Sley already had my medicine out on the table with a glass of water, which I took before I left for work that morning. Friday was crazy busy at work and by the time 5:30 came around, my 12:00 lunch was GONE! I was starving!!! I knew we had a bag of Cheddar & Sour Cream Ruffles in the pantry and had my mind set that was what I would snack on while we headed to Wilson. I called Sley when I got off of work (like I always do) and asked him if he would fix me a little baggie of chips since I knew we wouldn't be eating dinner until afterwards and I was STARVING. He explains and apologizes that he ate all of the chips earlier that afternoon.

You know when you're hungry and you get something on your mind that you want and all you can do is think about it? Well I wanted chips...and not the 3 month old off brand lays that had been sitting in the pantry but the fresh bag of Cheddar & Sour Cream Ruffles I had just bought 2 nights before.

I got pissed. I know, lame over some stupid chips, but nonetheless, I was slightly irritated to the point that I didn't want to talk to Sley anymore. He tells me to stop at the store and pick up a snack on the way home (very sweetly I might add) but I had no desire to make an extra stop after a long, busy day. So I huffed, told him I loved him and hung up. Then....I called Paige. I may have cried about my precious chip ordeal and how my stomach was slowly, but SURELY, eating my flesh from the inside out because I was THAT hungry, and Paige, being my best friend, told me she understood my frustrations because no one gets between a girl and her snack. After crying and getting consoled, I sucked it up, chatted a little about what our weekend plans were, thanked her for listening to my nonsense, then hung up.

As I pulled in the driveway, Sley met me outside with another 1/4 of Valium and a cup of Coke (since he drank the last water, too). We just chuckled because we both knew the 1/4 I took earlier that morning had apparently worn off. Oh its the small things in life like Valium that bring us laughter.

We picked up Roger, Sley's cousin, and headed toward Wilson where we met Tabatha and her daughters, Roger's wife Hope, and Brad with his family, Sleys best friend. Brad and his family had already been downtown for a while so decided to do their own thing while the rest of us got in line for the carriage ride.

Downtown was decorated beautifully. There were holly trees covered in white lights and most of the small businesses had stayed open late that night for the Christmas affair! They had people selling popcorn, candy, and hot chocolate while we stood in line to ride and Sley redeemed himself from being the chip thief when he brought me a bag of extra buttery, salty popcorn and a hot chocolate. It was cold outside but just right for a carriage ride.

The carriage ride was really two horses pulling a cart with 5 rows of seats that held about 15 people. Ofcourse everyone knew what was going on but me and Hope had told the guy in charge. It was our turn to ride and I noticed Sley dragging and pushing me toward the cart. Usually, Sley always walks in front of me, which is fine because when I don't know my surroundings that well, I would rather him lead, but that night, he was pushing me to go first and I told him in my not-so-nice voice, "quit pushing! you're hurting me!" I noticed his hands were shaking as he touched my back and not the "it's kinda cold out here even though I am wearing a heavy jacket" kind of shaking.

I get in my seat and turn around, noticing he is getting ready to get on one knee in front of all these strangers! He had always joked that he was going to propose in front of a crowd but I didn't believe him. There was a camera in my face (local news channel) filming the entire thing! I couldn't believe it...I don't even remember what he said...something about wanting to spend the rest of his life with me and he loves me...all I could do was take that sweet face of his in my hands and hold him, kissing his cheak, while everyone applauded as I told him, "yes!"

I don't remember the ride much. My mind just couldn't comprehend what had just happened. We snapped a few photos on the ride right after he got up and I just sat there, my arm wrapped tightly around his, with a huge corny, cheesey grin on my face. "How did I get so lucky? Why do I deserve a second chance at this? Oh my gosh, I'm engaged!" All of this running through my head at one time. I was on cloud nine and everything around me was a fog. This man who deserves 1000x better than me feels the same way about me as I do him. We love each other so much. Neither one of us is perfect but we love each other, good and bad, imperfections and all.

The rest of the night consisted of texts, facebook notes, squeals of excitement, cuddling, DINNER (mexican), and just an overall amazingly good time.

The going question around here is, "have you set a date?!" and the answer is "no". We have a lot going on right now and while we don't have a specific date yet, we know it will be sometime in 2013. We haven't made our mind up yet if we just want to elope or have a wedding but we are just taking one day at a time, enjoying each others company, sharing Cheddar & Sour Cream Ruffles, and laughing through my Valium!