AHHHHHHHHHHH! Note: Potential long story. Bolded for those of you who just want to scan. F-ing pissed!

1. My guy and I decided to get married August/September 2012. This decision was made in August 2011 because my broke ass family (not their fault) said they needed at least a year’s notice so they could put the money away to just attend and make plans (some are international). They aren’t contributing anything but their presence to the wedding. BUT I AM NOT EXPECTING ANYTHING ELSE. I am paying for all of it out of my pocket and was more than happy to and more than happy to give them the notice they required despite the fact that we were not yet engaged because I understand their financial situation.

2. My 19 yr old sister who has never held a job or attended college for more than a semester and is currently dropping out of college and has ZERO money saved decided her and her boyfriend of 1 year are getting engaged this month (December 2011) with plans to get married March 2011. She’s given no consideration to my family’s position. My international family won’t be able to attend because it’s so last minute. We’re gonna have to use 2 tickets we got from the airline that we were planning on using for our honeymoon so we can attend their wedding. But my family is just allowing it to happen. This is not only going to make it more complicated for them to simply attend my wedding that I gave them the required notice for but her only reason for rushing is because she “misses him.” This is the same girl that wanted to dump him 2 weeks into their LDR. Yeah. I’ve done LDR before. It’s tough. But not a reason to rush into marriage at 19.

3. NOW they found out that due to his school he won’t be able to get married this March? Sigh of relief right? No. Wrong. Now they want to get married in August 2012.After I bent over backwards making sure my family was as comfortable as possible, trying to figure out what time of year was best for them, making sure they were financially stable enough to attend and offering them large sums of money to help, offering consideration for the fact that she was rushing into a marriage and giving her my support. She now wants to take our month away from us. I know it sounds bratty but my family can’t afford to pay for hers and attend mine. I hate that they haven’t stood up for me and explained to her that her older sister was considerate enough to give them a 1 year notice. Now they are not only helping pay for her wedding but allowing her to take our month away from us.

There’s more but I’ll end here for the sake of brevity (not really I guess, huh?). I’m just trying to enjoy my relationship and not be involved in the marriage race with someone not mature enough to enter into marriage. Now my partner and I are being forced to almost plan our wedding before we’re engaged, just so we can give dates to our family for a month they already knew we were planning for so they can squeeze my sister in within a few weeks of us. Makes me want to just ignore her completely and just do what we want. We’ve given them every courtesy possible in this process and have been financially supportive and they’ve returned none of the consideration and are holding her to a different standard.

My SO and I are just hurt and angry. I don’t want her ruining this for us. Thoughts? Am I crazy? This isn’t exactly fair right? Just hurt…that’s all.

Gee, if I didn’t know any better I would say your sister is deliberately trying to massacre your wedding plans 🙁 and your family aren’t trying to stop her. You are perfectly reasomable to be upset and mad at them, as they seem to embracing all this nonsense, rather than setting her straight with harsh reality. Although some of your plans aren’t set in stone you have forewarned your family of timings and when it will happen, it’s not exactly your plans are rushed and out of blue like your sisters.

Personally I would carry on about your plans as normal. If you and your SO want to marry in August 2012, then continue to do so, and do whatever you want to be happy. It’s your wedding, your family cannot exactly say that you are being selfish or that the plans are unexpected, as they knew it was going to happen there and then.

By the sounds of it your sisters relationship sounds fickle and a bit rushed into. Usually these marriages never work out, epecially if she was having doubts of even staying with her guy. You have something 99% better, and I can only think she is desperate to emulate that for herself.

Let her have her day, let yourself have yours. Deep down your family will know which wedding is right, and hopefully your relatives from out of town will understand how you are feeling, they may not choose to go to your sisters wedding if it has been planned spontaneously.

I can only wish you good luck, sibling rivalry is never pretty.. but, she is still acting like an immature 19 year old, and nothing lasting can ever come from that.

Man, that is rough…I know you’re really upset now because she’s being so selfish, and this suggestion might seem completely insane, but maybe you guys could have a joint wedding? At least your family could all attend! Hugs and I hope she grows up soon!

I would ignore her completely and do your thing. Dont’ make any changes for her, and if people choose to be there for her/help her over you, then so be it. Do you honestly believe that she will still be getting married come August?

@spaneshal: Thank you for all your kind words. We’re just so hyper aware of the “higher ground” that everyone should take and so terrified of becoming the catty couple just because we protest what is happening because it isn’t coming from a place of hate. It’s coming from a place of fairness. I already have a wedding I’m attending in June. And I don’t want to be rushing around in the August/September time period attending a 2nd wedding and finishing the final touches on mine.

Not to mention the financial strain of it. I’m footing the bill for our entire wedding. I can’t afford to attend 3 weddings, help my family, AND pay for mine with a potential international move the next year. I don’t even know how to communicate all that with them. I talked to my mom today and I tried to explain it to him but either I failed or she didn’t understand because when I told her “August/September” she wanted to know which one. I told her we don’t know yet. And her logic? Well if she gets married early August you could still get married late or early September.” No. I can’t. For the above reasons. (Siiiiigh)

@MrsSl82be: Thanks for your advice. I think we’ll be taking it. We hoped she wouldn’t get married in March and now she isn’t. There’s always a chance August doesn’t work but the chance it won’t is slimmer.

@EVERYONE READING: Do I seem irrational in any part of this? I literally feel like I’m losing my mind? Does my logic seem sound? Do I sound childish? Or am I reasoning this right?

I can totally understand that you’re upset and I know what it’s like to feel like you had the carpet pulled out from under you. BUT this seems like something you should keep to yourself. She, like you, has every right to have the wedding she wants when she wants. While it would be nice if she would take your wedding into account, there’s not much anyone can do to make her and I don’t think it’s worth starting a family rift. I say, just focus on enjoying the lead up to your own wedding and don’t get too wrapped up in what she is/isn’t doing about hers.

I don’t think that you’re being irrational. I think she is being an immature teenager and trying to rush into something without thinking about what the repercussions for all those around her are. I’d be pretty mad, both at her and at your family for letting her act that way!!

@msfahrenheit: Agreed. And that’s the toughest part when it comes to talking to my parents about this. She DOES have every right to get married how and when she wants. And my complaining only makes it seem like I’m taking that right away rather than trying to preserve the justice of it all.

But I don’t want a family rift. That’s for sure. I honestly don’t think I can help her with her planning anymore. I really don’t think I can. I think it’s gonna be tough but I agree with all of you that just removing ourselves from the equation will be the best course of action.

WOW! Your sister sounds really impulsive and selfish, and I’m really sorry you’re having to go through this! That is definitely a really rough situation.

Also that whole “you get one day” thing is totally thrown out the window when it’s your SISTER and it’s within WEEKS and you have family coming in from all over the world.

I wonder that your family are going along with it because they don’t think it’s really going to happen? Either way, it’s still really unfair to you.

I vote say something……a lot of times being the mature one as you clearly are, people just kind of assume you’ll be ok with things, or you’ll get over it, and this is too important to let them think that.

I think there is a way to make your feelings clear without screaming and crying and making a scene, so they will (hopefully) actually hear what you’re saying and listen. Although I would probably do it when your sister isn’t around…

@sara_tiara:Also that whole “you get one day” thing is totally thrown out the window when it’s your SISTER and it’s within WEEKS and you have family coming in from all over the world.

This is something I was worried about. I don’t know the etiquette for this. I’ve always preached the “you get one day thing” but the only reason she chose August was because it’s the 1st soonest opportunity she’ll have to rush into marriage. My mom seems to think it’s ok for her to get married within a month of me. Part of me is hurt because it makes it hard for everyone, it’ll be tight for me financially, and there is NO REASON for her to do it then. I’m not celebrating for an entire month. But I’d rather not have to attend a wedding in June as a bridesmaid, rush to hers in August, then to my own in a few weeks. And I certainly don’t want to be forced to prematurely plan my wedding for the sake of catering to her game.

Is there really etiquette out there for this kind of thing? Should I explain it to them as an etiquette issue?

I totally agree with you, but just to play devil’s advocate and help you put together your thoughts: when else could your sister have her wedding? I feel like it would be hard for her to put her wedding off an entire year– I know everyone can’t wait to marry their Fiance, so suggesting she can’t get married til 2013 probably wouldn’t go over well. Is there another time that might work well for her?

What might also help for you is to pick a date. I know you don’t want to plan early, but you’re only 8 months away from August and you probably should be giving relatives a notice soon. Find your venue and secure a spot– that way your wedding is officially planned and you can send out Save-The-Date Cards to international travelers quickly. Your sister’s date is still up in the air, and having yours nailed down is going to make yours look less rushed, more official, and non-negotiable.