Archive for July, 2013

Dating can be a drag. It takes time and energy to really put yourself out there. I get a lot of complaints from men and women that they don’t have time to date and that it can be so much work.

The best thing you can do is take the work out of it.

Stop thinking of it as work. Instead remember that dating is an experience to meet new people and enjoy the fleeting moments of life. Each and every time you meet someone new you have an opportunity to learn something about the world or yourself.

And don’t put too much pressure on yourself to find “the one”. This takes a lot of the fun out of dating because, again, you’re not living in the moment. Instead you’re projecting yourself into the future and not enjoying what’s in front of you.

Practice meditation.

Do yoga.

These are exercises that help you enjoy every second that goes by. Dating won’t be so much of a strain on you when you take things day by day.

With online dating, we tend to get overwhelmed with all the choices, messages, dates, etc. And then we have work, friends, family, dentist appointments…

When does all the chaos end?

It doesn’t.

There’s so much to do in so little time.

And we’re lucky that we have so many options, but it’s not worth the mental stress. When you can control your thoughts and your stress you become a very well rounded person. Well rounded people have more success with dating. Why?

Because people want to be around others who radiate positive energy. It’s attractive.

So, the next time you go on a date try and remember not to step back, but step into it. Taste your dinner and enjoy the conversation.

You’re wearing THAT? I love people watching and am shocked time and time again when I see people who are on what is obviously a first or second date dressed totally inappropriately. I was even on a few of those dates myself back in the day. I was meeting one guy for lunch on the beach in the middle of the summer and he arrived wearing a ratty t-shirt with the sleeves ripped off and board shorts. The board shorts could be excused, I had my bikini on underneath my sundress after all, but the shirt was not acceptable. I was able to get past it because the date itself went really well but it was not a good first impression. It showed he made no effort whatsoever to get dressed for our date. It wasn’t even the sleeveless part, it was the rattiness and rips that were a turnoff.

Other times I see women wearing clothes meant for a night club or better yet, meant for the bedroom. One of my favorite sayings is that a man wants “a woman in the streets and a freak in the sheets.” Save the short, sheer, skimpy skirts and dresses for a sexy night at home. Another of my favorite sayings is “less is more.” The less skin you show the sexier it is. I don’t mean covering yourself from head to toe, just to show one fabulous body part at a time. Either highlight your long legs or your toned arms or your fabulous cleavage, just not all 3 at the same time.

After writing the post Anti-Social Media earlier this week I read my other favorite blog which spoils The Bachelor. I’ve watched that show since the 1st season with Alex but enjoy it so much more now knowing who wins. I won’t spoil it for you here, but in the column recapping Monday night’s episode Steve also spoiled one of the final contestant’s reputations: Brooks was caught on camera just 18 months ago in Mexico making out with a woman old enough to be his mother while his girlfriend at the time was back home. The older woman’s daughter sent the photos to Steve to post, with her mother’s permission, because she thought it was hilarious. Granted, if I were Desiree I may not think it’s so hilarious but as someone not involved in their lives I find it all the more entertaining.

So here’s the thing, Brooks went down to Mexico with a friend and got drunk and hooked up with a cougar. No one would have been the wiser except for the fact that it was captured on camera. And then posted on one of the most popular Reality TV spoiler sites around. What happens in Vegas doesn’t stay in Vegas any longer. If you’re doing something you shouldn’t be doing then make sure no one is documenting it. It’s difficult in this day and age with such high quality cameras and video recorders on our cell phones, but if you’re unsure about someone clicking away then maybe you shouldn’t be doing it.

You never know when something you do will come back to haunt you, be it your relationship or your career. If you wouldn’t want it plastered on a billboard in Times Square or on Sunset Blvd next to those adorable JDate ads, then err on the side of caution and don’t do it!

When I first meet a guy that really gives my heart the flutters, I always enjoy trying out fun new things and places with him. But recently, when a nice guy asked me on a second date the location he picked was his apartment and the activity was watching a movie. While that’s a lovely thing to do and can be a lot of fun, it was not a comfortable setting or something that exemplified that he wanted to get to know me.

Do: Take her around town. I’m not saying shower her with expensive dinners you can’t afford—there’s plenty of free activities you can do that are fun and also have a “get to know you” element attached to them. Hanging out in a neutral setting puts each of you at a more equal comfort level. That’s important, especially early on.

Don’t: Invite her over to your apartment to “hang out” on dates 1—a long time. Asking her to come over and play Xbox makes it feel like she’s just one of your buds and she may feel as though you’re not putting in a lot of effort to win her over or charm her. Dating is supposed to make someone feel special and having her sit on your fast food covered couch, may send the very wrong signals.

There’s a lot of ways you can impress a woman, but today I want to focus on what does NOT impress her. I have found that a lot of men are clueless when it comes to the concept of attraction. They think certain things will make their date like them better. If you think that might include you (and it might!), here’s a quick list of four things most men think impress women… but actually don’t!

1) Money

Money does not “impress” a woman. Success does. Any woman who is impressed by your money is usually in the relationship because you have money, which means she’s not impressed by you. Flaunting money around will only attract the gold diggers — and I’ve noticed those types of relationships don’t last very long. Keep the cash in your wallet.

2) Arrogance

Don’t show off. Your mother taught you better. The second you start one-upping her on your accomplishments, she gets turned off. It’s okay to talk about some of the great things you’ve done, but spread it out over many dates and be sure to ask about her accomplishments as well!

3) Name dropping

There’s a time and a place for this, and it’s definitely not in the beginning of the courting process. If it happens to come up that Vince Vaughn is her favorite actor and your cousin’s friend’s old babysitter used to date him, then fine. But, if it’s not relevant to the conversation, don’t think about bringing it up out of nowhere.

4) Trying too hard

Chivalry is one thing, but “people pleasing” is another. If you’re trying too hard to impress her by agreeing with everything she says, you’ll appear weak. Now don’t get me wrong: always pay for the first date, open her door into the restaurant, and be a gentleman. But, don’t go overboard or it will be a little much.

Now that you’ve learned how NOT to impress a woman, it’s time to learn what does work when it comes to impressing your date! For more tips on this, check out my video on How to Impress A Girl.

You’re on JDate and see the profile of someone who is beyond perfect for you. Everything about the person is exactly what you’re looking for: the look, the sense of humor, the education and judaism level, the preferences for a mate. So you send every signal and even write an email but never hear back. The next time you look at the profile you notice the person hasn’t logged-in for more than 60 days and although the profile is still active, the person isn’t.

Your friend is in an amazing new relationship and then suddenly you see the person on JDate! WTF? You call your friend about to cause a dramatic end to what could be THE relationship just to find out the person hasn’t logged on since they entered into a monogamous relationship, more than 60 days ago, but you neglected to check last log-in.

Many people don’t remember or don’t know how to delete their profile, mainly because most of them are waiting to delete until they actually get married, or just simply never thought about it again once they found their JDate Success Story. Obviously those people will probably not be reading this post, but you are and you can make sure you look at the last log-in before jumping to any conclusions.

A picture is worth a thousand words… especially when you post a photo of yourself scantily clad, drunk or provocatively posed (or all 3!) on Facebook, Instagram and other social media websites. When you’re single and are looking for a mate, is this really how you want to portray yourself to potential suitors? Summertime means less clothing and more opportunity for partying which means more chances to snap and post. Hold off. Those photos can be saved to someone’s device forever, they never completely go away. Have fun, sure, but not every action each day needs to be documented online. Are you representing yourself well? People you meet on JDate tend to do some background checking via social media sites so make sure you don’t ruin your reputation because of one crazy night.

Former Nickelodeon Star Amanda Bynes appeared in court today in a classy aqua-hued wig (and by classy, we mean trashy). The 27-year-old actress, whose mother is Jewish, showed up in a New York courtroom wearing the wig, which you can see here, as she faced a judge in connection with her alleged bong-throwing incident last May.

Bynes faces charges of reckless endangerment and attempted tampering with physical evidence after allegedly throwing a bong out of her 36th-floor Manhattan apartment window and smoking marijuana in the lobby of the building on May 23.

The actress was silent in court today as she was told to return Aug. 26 for another hearing. No word on whether or not the wig will be present at the next hearing.

Omri Casspi, the Israeli basketball phenom, is heading deep into the heart of Texas. The basketball star, who transplanted from Israel to play for the NBA in 2009, announced he plans to sign a two-year deal with the Houston Rockets for $2 million.

Casspi first played for the Sacramento Kings during his freshman NBA year in 2009; that was the year he became the first Israeli player ever to be picked up in the first round of the draft. In 2011, the 25-year-old moved to the Cleveland Cavaliers. Two years later, he’s heading to Houston to play for the Rockets.

“Casspi’s exodus from life as a King to a Cavalier to a Rocket in some ways resembles the history of Israel,” writes Adam Chandler for Tablet Magazine. “The land of Israel–like Houston–is a product of a 19th-century ideology and remains known for its technology, hot weather, a specific brand of Texasy-defiance and a strong belief in the right of self-defense.” Here’s hoping he feels at home as a Houston Rocket!

One of TV’s best comedies celebrated a milestone last week. Seinfeld, “the show about nothing” that was created by two Jewish comedians, Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David, premiered 24 years ago this month on July 5, 1989.

Now in its 15th year of syndication, Seinfeld is beloved by old and new fans alike. In fact, Jerry Seinfeld, star of the series, says his three children (ages 13, 10 and 7) even watch the show!

If you want a good laugh, click here to view Buzzfeed’s “30 Ways Growing Up With Seinfeld Totally Messed You Up.” And did we mention @SeinfeldToday, the popular Twitter account that Tweets about what the show would be like if it were still on the air in 2013, consistently brings up JDate with Tweets like, “Jerry discovers his gf still uses her @JDate profile. Kramer leaves messages for the NSA in his emails. Newman reluctantly tries SoulCycle.” Apparently, Seinfeld doesn’t need to be taping new shows in order for fans to still get their fix!

You give off so much information in your JDate profile that by the time you exchange a few emails, have a phone call and make plans for the first date, you already may get the feeling that you know your prospect much better than you actually do. So when the first date rolls around you end up sharing much more than you normally would because there is an automatic comfort level with knowing how old someone is, what general field they are in, where they’re from, what they’re looking for, and so on. And if you’ve done any cyber-stalking — admit it, you at least tried! — then you may know even more.

After the date ends, whether good or bad, you’re left feeling like you may have overshared. It’s easy to overshare on a first date, especially when it’s going well. Try, try, try to reign it in, you’ll be happy you did if the date sucked and you’ll be happy you did if the date went well. Even when a first date lasts for hours upon hours until you end up watching the sunrise together because you can’t stop talking, there are many tidbits of information NOT to share. This is not about playing a game as the title of this post alludes to, but rather playing hard to get by keeping everything in perspective.

Yes you know a lot of information from someone’s JDate profile, but you don’t know them. Your JDates are still strangers, treat them as such until you know there is even somewhat of an inkling of a future. Your relationship past is not fodder for a first date, neither is your family drama or your finances. Keep the first date chatting to expanding upon some of the questions asked in your profiles: where did you grow up and how did you get to (or get back to) your current town? where did you go to college, what did you study and why? what do you do for a living and is this your passion or what do you really want to do with your life? Allow those questions to lead to further conversation, but without getting too deep too quickly.

I’ve admitted this before; I’m terrible at responding to messages that float into my inbox on JDate. Sometimes I don’t respond because of lack of interest and sometimes because I simply just forget. That’s why I’m a fan of the second round of messages.

Do: Feel free to send a second follow up email to a person you didn’t hear back from after a week or so. It happens that someone could be interested, but just forgot to respond. Or perhaps they thought they sent you something in return, but never did. Consider sending something friendly and leave out the “how come you didn’t write me back” attack mode. Remember: they don’t have to write you back… ever. It’s your job to make them want to respond.

Don’t: Send a hundred messages. Know when enough is enough—kind of like how your stomach starts to punch you when you’ve eaten too many Oreo cookies. If you send two messages to a person and still receive no response, consider being done with them. Three is not the charm in this case, it’s simply just a bit creepy. If they don’t respond the second time, I fear they never will.

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