Tag Archives: Christmas card

I don’t want your Merry Christmas card. That predictable picture with your plastic smile is of no interest to me. Keep the yearly update of your family’s accomplishments to yourself. I won’t be sending you one.

Why am I going to spend $100+ on postage and spaghetti monster-knows-how much on cards and pictures? I’d rather save that money to get that nice pair of leather boots I’ve been eying.

I’m not an environmentalist by any stretch of the imagination, but DAMN do we really need to kill that many trees in the name of good cheer?

And let’s keep in mind how long it takes to track down the 50+ addresses, address the cards, sign your name to the card, write a meaningless note in the card, then lick the nasty-ass tasting envelopes, and mail them. I don’t know about you mofos, but I don’t have time like that. I got SHIT to do.

And when the card arrives at its destination- what? It gets opened up, and most likely tossed into a pile. If it’s from a really important person, it’ll be displayed for a minute before it gets unceremoniously ripped down and thrown away.

This is the truth. You know it is. You feel annoyed at the obligation of having to send a card to every fucking person you know because if you leave someone out of the Christmas card loop, you’ll be on some obscure acquaintance’s naughty list. Santa forbid you leave anyone out even IF you haven’t spoken to them in 5 years.

So, don’t send me a card. Comment on my blog. Send me an email. Or a text message. Or better yet – fuckin’ call me. Because that means more to me than your stupid predictable picture with the plastic smiles.