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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

LIFE and Google teamed up not too long ago to create a nifty online photo database of LIFE photographs, 97% of which were never previously released to the public. It's really fascinating stuff, and I highly recommend you do a search for "cake" there the next time you're bored. Most are gorgeous creations that show that cake art has a long and rich history, but a few are a bit more...interesting:

Good to know that handwriting and spacing were an issue even back in 1951. It only looks misspelled, though; that's just a scrunched 'm' in 'recommissioned'.

This one is just odd:

What IS this? Do you suppose it's made of large donuts? And the ferns - why?(UPDATE: Mystery solved : it's a "baumkuchen". Thanks, guys!)

You'll "tank" me for this next one:

See, this is why you don't let guys cut the cake. The archive is full of men cutting cakes with swords, too. [eye roll] Fellas, it's a TANK. Do you really need to "man it up" by cutting it with your rifle?

This one is actually a "dog cake", but I had to include it for the "oh-no-they-di'in't!" factor (Note: put down the coffee and brace yourself):

[dry-heaving] Why? Why did someone feel THIS was deserving of preservation on film? WHY?!?

And finally, a modern-day Wreck:

"Oprah? Is that you?"

All images courtesy of the LIFE photo archive. Thanks to Becca B. for finding Oprah's head and Jessica T. for the doggie Wreck.

Hi! Maybe I can help you with this 'donut'-thing. I don't know why it is decorated with ferns, but I think this cake is an ordinary german "baumkuchen" (don't know if there's an english name for it). It is just a bit higher than normally.

My husband and I cut our wedding cake (no, it was not a tank) with his Dad's sword, since he was in the Navy. Not only was it awesome to cut a cake with a sword, but it meant a lot to him, too! So there are reasons to cut cakes with things other than knives. :-)

You never know...we can't tell because of the black and white but that could have been a pink tank with fuchsia rosettes around the treads - in which case manning it up with a nice bayonet might have truly been called for.As for the Oprah cake, now I know why she gained weight again...she had to hide the evidence.

it looks like hot dogs in dog food. or hamburger meat. there is nothing that resembles cake in that picture at all. *shudder.

and i've always found eating cake that is human shaped to be a little cannibalistic. unless you're at a zombie party and everyone is dressed the part. on another note, i would be so sad if someone though i looked like that.

The Baumkucken, as it seems to be called by other commentators, also looks like a Norwegian wedding cake covered in frosting. I'm actually submitting a picture of one as a wreck, in an of itself (Tradition be damned!, it's ugly!)

My parents cut their wedding cake with my Dad's dress sword. He was an officer in the U.S. Navy at the time. On their 30th anniversary a friend made them one of her spectacular (but rather messy) cheesecakes, and they attempted to repeat the cutting. It was pretty funny since cheesecake and swords just don't mix. But we all got a good laugh which was the most important thing.

That USS Wisconsin cake was cut with a sword. Just sayin'. My ex-husband has pictures of his CO at the time cutting a "Happy Birthday USS Oklahoma City" cake with a sword. It's what they do. Gotta add testosterone to the cake somehow!

And another thing...did anyone else look at the sign in the back of the tank cake, see the word "comm" (probably short for communication) and think ".com" until they realized what century this was taken in?

Also, that guy with the bayonnette is hot. Well, not anymore I mean, but 60 some years ago: hot.

My husband cut our wedding cake with a Japanese sword... it started as a joke (I was registering for our cake serving set, he says "forget that, I'm cutting it with a ninja sword", I said "sure, you do that") and ended up being pretty funny. He's a black belt and it was a very nice ceremonial katana, but still. The phrase "my husband cut our wedding cake with a ninja sword" still has an amusing ring to it.

The head cake reminds me of the Golden Girls episode where Rose wanted them all to have their heads frozen upon death so they could later be brought back to life when cures could be found. In a funny dream, Blanche, Dorothy and Rose are all just heads on the table while Sophia is still up and about.

Short answer, yes, we men DO have to "man it up" using swords, bayonets, etc. If it were possible, and if they were sharp enough to cut a cake, we would use a bazooka. No one can definitively say why. It's just the way of things.

And I believe "Comm" is short for "Command," folks, not communication. Or commie... Nice post!!!!