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I have a wonderfully friendly 3 year-old hunting dog who absolutely hates hunting. While I am out hunting, you are free to use him for practically anything so long as it is not, and does not resemble, hunting.

My dog is gun shy, and anything approximating the noise of a gun or even the look of a gun is enough to send him scampering to get underneath the nearest automobile, even if said automobile is still in motion along the highway.

Moreover, we once tried to break him of being gun shy by throwing his favorite training dummy for him to fetch and then firing the gun. Big mistake. My dog is now training dummy shy. This means that you are not allowed to use him to play fetch while I am hunting, because he will construe anything you throw as a training dummy and as such, he will try to climb into your pants out of sheer terror. This exclusion includes but is not limited to balls and sticks (although sticks were already forbidden because of their aforementioned resemblance to guns).

Walks also are right out. Had you known that I once used my dog for upland bird hunting despite his being gun shy, and that I can't afford to hunt at one of those fancy places where you sit on a stool and various minions flush hobbled birds in your direction while you enjoy canapes and a sip of Earl Grey, you would have already figured out that walking is just like hunting to my dog.

Approved uses of my dog while I am hunting may include feeding, although my dog has, in the past, refused to eat a glistening piece of duck fat glazed in a Cabernet Sauvignon reduction with hazelnuts and dried cranberries. Honest to god. Presumably this because as far as he knows, the only way to come by such a treat is to hunt for and shoot a duck, and that is a scary prospect.

Preferably, you will want to use my dog for important tasks such as de-lofting the down comforter on your bed, or balancing out your sofa by sleeping on the side of it where you do not typically sit. He also gives excellent kisses and in fact is full of love, particularly if his love is recripocated with belly rubs.

Please contact me if interested - I plan on hunting many weekends this fall so my dog's availability is high.