Fidelity, bravery, integrity. This is the motto of the FBI, and this is the motto of the men and women who can't stop using their government-issued phones to send their coworkers dirty dick pics. And while it's probably never a good idea to sext your coworkers, when you work for what is essentially a group of highly trained, professional stalkers, you'd think one would try to exercise a little restraint or, at the very least, use a phone that isn't owned by Big Brother.

Fortunately for all of us at home, CNN managed to obtain a copy of an internal disciplinary report that cites an absurd number of cases of FBI employees sending coworkers unsolicited money shots—except in the case of the BlackBerry, which was only used to send erotic text. Because BlackBerries are for professionals.

From 2010-2012, 1,045 violations were reported in all, of which an undetermined amount were of a sexytime nature. The president of the FBI Agents Association did, however, make sure to note that "the ratio of disciplinary issues among FBI agents are among the lowest in the federal government and private sector." And with such rampant misconduct, it's only a matter of time before the next facet of government finds their dirty deeds exposed. My fingers are crossed for "Bader Ginsburg Gone Wild."