From Black Voices— Relationships often play out with two sets of rules: his and hers. Nowhere do double standards flourish more than when it comes to issues of weight. Men want their girlfriends and wives to stay in shape. While it may or may not always work out that way, we certainly find ways to make our feelings known: “Babe, you sure you want to eat that deep-fried doughnut?” After all, there is only so much cushion for the pushin’ that one man needs.

But turn the tables, and you find that most men roll differently. And when I say “roll,” I mean actually rolling up on the drive-thru and, two heartbeats away from cardiac arrest, we’ll bark out our order: “I’d like my double standard with cheese please.”

Indulge me as I speak from my own personal experience because, you know, that’s something I never do.

I’ve been married for close to six years. For the first four, I still enjoyed a very high-functioning metabolism. The energy it took me to even step on a scale seemed to burn 200 calories. But to quote Notorious B.I.G ‘Things Done Changed.’ My metabolism, once a Kenyan track star, is now the slow Swedish cat bringing up the rear hoping not to get lapped. All told, I gained 15 pounds last year. And here I was giving my wife grief if she ordered French fries.

One evening I remember being at the movie theater eating a gratuitously big bag of popcorn. Halfway through the movie, I find myself trudging out to the lobby to reup on the salt. Yes, more salt. Fabulous idea. While doing so, a young woman behind the counter offers to “top off my popcorn.” Top off my popcorn for free? I had never heard of such thing. I wondered for a moment, “Is this a sexual metaphor that I need to decode; is she hitting on me or is this the explanation to American obesity?” Better question – was I part of the problem?

I love that this was by a guy. Women are more accepting of men gaining a few pounds, but don’t let us gain a few… Being encouraging is always better than spewing insults. Being healthy should be a dual effort in relationships.