2.02.2014

So much work to do...

I was minding my own business when last night, one of my
friend’s alerted me to a Facebook post by Dr. Nina Ellis-Hervey, widely
known as Beautiful Brown Baby Doll (BeautifulBrwnBabyDol). She posted an honest
question and asked for dialogue:

"Random thought: I'm not going to force my opinion on everyone, but the church should do better with discussing SEX. You see, I find that there are more teen pregnancies and more due to the lack of knowledge. To shame the act of sex, ignore it, or act like it doesn't exist puts people at more risk. Also I believe that you should wait until marriage, however, relaying the message that sex is just wrong, teaches nothing to ANYONE. Saying "Just don't do it" is lazy. Also, it seems that more people of the church have sexual dysfunction once they marry because they are forever, most since both, taught that it is wrong, but all of a sudden when married its considered right? Believe me there are so many people seeking therapy due to lack of arousal after marriage because they feel dirty or BAD about having sex even in matrimony. What are your thoughts on this?#life"

Posted Saturday, Febuary 1, 2014at 8:59pm

Quoted from Facebook

I appreciate her willingness to open a forum on the topic of
sex and sexuality with an audience as wide as hers. By the time I read it,
there were over 500 comments. I didn’t have the time or energy to review them
all, but there was one person who stuck out to me. It appeared as though what
she’d been taught about sex is that it is only for procreation and that it
could have possibly been created by Satan. She also shared her opinion that pastors
should not talk about sex and if her pastor discussed sex instead of salvation,
she wouldn’t be pleased. There were others who were not coming from a Christian
perspective but offered valuable insight nonetheless. It was an interesting
dialogue to say the least.

I commented, not responding to any particular person, but I
spoke about my work as a sex therapist and how important it is for faith
communities to discuss sex and sexuality in a healthy way. Too often, people
are given the message that sex is bad their entire lives until they’re married.
Unfortunately, there’s not a magic switch the turns on and allows them to have
healthy sex with their mates once they say, “I do.” I ended by saying that the
comment thread reminded me of the work we have yet to do.

I have to apologize to you. I’ve neglected this forum while
exploring other avenues to discuss sex and sexuality. However, I’ve been
reminded of the importance of this work. I believe sex is a gift from God, not
reserved only for procreation. However, so many deal with incorrect teaching
that sets them up for challenges in their sexuality. I’d like this space to be
a safe place where people can get correct and accurate information about sex and
sexuality within a Christian context. I see that it’s still needed.

Who is De-Andrea?

I'm licensed in the State of Missouri as a Clinical Social Worker, currently in the credentialing process to be certified as a Sex Therapist through the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. I'd also describe myself as a worshipper, sister, friend, teacher, student, daughter, motivator, and catalyst for change. For more information or to schedule an appointment, contact me at AskASexTherapist@gmail.com or 314-877-8510.