"Supernatural" may be heavy on the epic apocalyptic angst, but that doesn't keep Sam and Dean Winchester (and their entourage of hun... Show More »

"Supernatural" may be heavy on the epic apocalyptic angst, but that doesn't keep Sam and Dean Winchester (and their entourage of hunters, demons, angels, and random hot girls) from making us laugh every week. It wasn't easy to narrow down seven seasons of smart-aleck remarks and hilarious insults... but we suffered through hours of Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles to bring you the best of the best.

Sam: We're not going to kill Max.Dean: Then what? I hand him over to the cops and say, "Lock him up, Officer! He kill... Show More »

Sam: We're not going to kill Max.Dean: Then what? I hand him over to the cops and say, "Lock him up, Officer! He kills with the power of his mind." « Less

6/80

'Hell House':

Ed: This is our ticket to the big time. Fame, money, sex. With girls. Be brave. WWBD.Harry: What would Buffy do? I don... Show More »

Ed: This is our ticket to the big time. Fame, money, sex. With girls. Be brave. WWBD.Harry: What would Buffy do? I don't know, Ed! She's stronger than me! « Less

7/80

'Hell House':

After Sam super-glues Dean's hand to a beer bottle.

Dean: I barely have any skin left on my palm.Sam: I'm not to... Show More »

After Sam super-glues Dean's hand to a beer bottle.

Dean: I barely have any skin left on my palm.Sam: I'm not touching that line with a ten-foot pole. « Less

8/80

'Something Wicked':

Sam: Dude, I'm not using this I.D.Dean: Why not?Sam: Because it says "bikini inspector" on it. Show More »

Sam: Dude, I'm not using this I.D.Dean: Why not?Sam: Because it says "bikini inspector" on it. « Less

9/80

'Salvation':

Meg: I've stolen. I've lusted. And the other day I met this man, a nice guy, you know? We had a really good chat... Show More »

Meg: I've stolen. I've lusted. And the other day I met this man, a nice guy, you know? We had a really good chat, sort of like this. Then I slit his throat and ripped his heart out through his chest... does that make me a bad person? « Less

10/80

'Devil's Trap':

Fire fighter: Just stay back.Dean: Well, I've got a yorkie upstairs, and he pees when he's nervous! Show More »

Fire fighter: Just stay back.Dean: Well, I've got a yorkie upstairs, and he pees when he's nervous! « Less

Sam: I'm not enabling your sick habit. You're like one of those lab rats that pushes the pleasure button instead of the food button until it dies.Dean: What are you talking about? I eat. « Less

22/80

'Born Under a Bad Sign':

Dean: Dude, you full on had a girl up inside of you for like a week. That's pretty naughty.

23/80

'Tall Tales':

Sam: Dude, were you on my computer?Dean: Uh, no.Sam: Uh, really? Because it's frozen now. On BustyAsianBeauties.com. Show More »

Sam: Dude, were you on my computer?Dean: Uh, no.Sam: Uh, really? Because it's frozen now. On BustyAsianBeauties.com. « Less

24/80

'Folsom Prison Blues':

Dean: I couldn't help but notice that you're just two tons of fun. Just curious, is that like a thyroi... Show More »

Dean: I couldn't help but notice that you're just two tons of fun. Just curious, is that like a thyroid problem or is this some deep self-esteem issue? Because you know, they're just donuts. They're not love. « Less

25/80

'The Magnificent Seven':

Sam walks in on Dean having sex with twins.

Sam: Let me see your knife.Dean: What for?Sam: So I can gouge my ey... Show More »

Sam walks in on Dean having sex with twins.

Sam: Let me see your knife.Dean: What for?Sam: So I can gouge my eyes out.Dean: It's a beautiful, natural act, Sammy.Sam: That's a part of you I never wanted to see, Dean. « Less

26/80

'The Kids Are Alright':

Sam: You're a demon!Ruby: Don't be such a racist.

27/80

'Bedtime Stories':

Sam: You remember Cinderella? The pumpkin that turns into a coach and the mice that become horses?Dean: Dude, could ... Show More »

Sam: You remember Cinderella? The pumpkin that turns into a coach and the mice that become horses?Dean: Dude, could you be more gay? ...Don't answer that. « Less

28/80

'Mystery Spot':

Sam and Dean, in unison: Cut it out, Sam. Sam. You think you're funny but you're being really, really childis... Show More »

Sam and Dean, in unison: Cut it out, Sam. Sam. You think you're funny but you're being really, really childish. Sam Winchester wears make-up. Sam Winchester cries his way through sex. Sam Winchester keeps a ruler by the bed and every morning when he wakes up... okay, okay, enough. « Less

29/80

'Jus In Bello':

Ruby: Does anyone have a breath mint? Some guts spilled in my mouth while I was killing my way in here.

30/80

'Ghostfacers':

Dean: You and Rambo need to get the hell outta here.Ed: Listen here, Chisel Chest, we were here first.

31/80

'Ghostfacers':

Harry: I don't really like rats. They're gross. Rats are like the rats of the world.

32/80

'Lazarus Rising':

Demon: Tell me, what makes you so special?Dean: I like to think it's because of my perky nipples.

33/80

'Monster Movie':

Dean: Well, look at me. I mean, I came back from the furnace without any of my old scars, right? No bullet wounds, kni... Show More »

Dean: Well, look at me. I mean, I came back from the furnace without any of my old scars, right? No bullet wounds, knife cuts, none of the off-angle fingers from all of the breaks -- I mean, my hide is as smooth as a baby's bottom. Which leads me to conclude, sadly, that my virginity is intact. I've been rehymenated.Sam: Please. Dean, maybe angels can pull you out of Hell, but no one could do that.Dean: Brother! I have been rehymenated. And the dude will not abide! « Less

34/80

'Death Takes a Holiday':

Dean, a ghost, reaching through Sam: Am I making you uncomfortable?Sam: Get out of me.Dean: You're such a... Show More »

Dean, a ghost, reaching through Sam: Am I making you uncomfortable?Sam: Get out of me.Dean: You're such a prude. Come on. « Less

35/80

'Good God Y'all':

Dean, after Castiel decides to find God: Try New Mexico, I hear God is on a tortilla.Castiel: No, God is not on ... Show More »

Dean, after Castiel decides to find God: Try New Mexico, I hear God is on a tortilla.Castiel: No, God is not on any flatbread. « Less

36/80

'The End':

Dean: It's kinda funny talking to a Messenger of God on a cell phone. You know, like watching a Hell's Angel on a ... Show More »

Dean: It's kinda funny talking to a Messenger of God on a cell phone. You know, like watching a Hell's Angel on a moped.Castiel: This isn't funny, Dean! The voice says I'm almost out of minutes! « Less

37/80

'Fallen Idols':

Dean, to Paris Hilton (as herself): I'm not a fan. I've never even seen 'House of Wax.'

Bobby: Are we done feeling our feelings? 'Cause I'd like to get out of this room befor... Show More »

Bobby: Are we done feeling our feelings? 'Cause I'd like to get out of this room before we both start growing lady-parts. « Less

39/80

'Changing Channels':

Dean, stuck in an episode of 'CSI: Miami': I'm wearing sunglasses at night. You know who does that?... Show More »

Dean, stuck in an episode of 'CSI: Miami': I'm wearing sunglasses at night. You know who does that? No-talent douche bags. « Less

40/80

'The Real Ghostbusters':

Becky: Look, Sam. I'm not gonna lie. We had undeniable chemistry. But like a monkey on the sun, it was to... Show More »

Becky: Look, Sam. I'm not gonna lie. We had undeniable chemistry. But like a monkey on the sun, it was too hot to live. « Less

41/80

'Dark Side of the Moon':

Ash: See, you've got to stop thinking of Heaven as one place. It's more like a butt-load of places, ... Show More »

Ash: See, you've got to stop thinking of Heaven as one place. It's more like a butt-load of places, all crammed together. Like Disneyland, except without all the anti-Semitism. « Less

42/80

'99 Problems':

Castiel: I got your message. It was long, your message. I find the sound of your voice grating.Sam: What's wrong wi... Show More »

Castiel: I got your message. It was long, your message. I find the sound of your voice grating.Sam: What's wrong with you? Are you drunk? What the hell happened to you?Castiel: I found a liquor store.Sam: And?Castiel: I drank it.« Less

43/80

'Point of No Return':

Sam: Dad was trying to protect you, keeping you from all this.Adam: Yeah, well I guess the monster that ate me di... Show More »

Sam: Dad was trying to protect you, keeping you from all this.Adam: Yeah, well I guess the monster that ate me didn't get that memo. « Less

44/80

'The Devil You Know':

Crowley: I went over to a demon's nest; had a little massacre. Must be losing my touch, though, because I le... Show More »

Crowley: I went over to a demon's nest; had a little massacre. Must be losing my touch, though, because I let one of the little toads live. Oops. Also, I might have given said toad the impression that you left your post last night because you and I are - wait for it - Lovers in League Against Satan.

Chuck: Endings are hard. Any chapped-ass monkey with a keyboard can poop out a beginning, but endings are impossible. You ... Show More »

Chuck: Endings are hard. Any chapped-ass monkey with a keyboard can poop out a beginning, but endings are impossible. You try to tie up every loose end, but you never can. The fans are always gonna bitch. There's always gonna be holes. And since it's the ending, it's all supposed to add up to something. I'm telling you, they're a raging pain in the ass. « Less

46/80

'Exile on Main St.':

Sam: Golf? Really?Dean: It's a sport!

47/80

'Two and a Half Men':

Dean: We can't actually drop it off at an orphanage. They might get upset when it turns Asian.

48/80

'The Third Man':

Sam: Were you racing me?Dean: No, I was kicking your ass.Sam: Very mature.

49/80

'Weekend at Bobby's':

Crowley: I'll save you the recap. In fact I'll do the short hand for you. "I want my soul back idg... Show More »

Crowley: I'll save you the recap. In fact I'll do the short hand for you. "I want my soul back idgit." 'Fraid not. "But I'm surly and I got a beard. Gimme." Blah, blah, blah. Homespun insult. Witty retort from yours truly. The bottom line is you get bubkis. Are we done? « Less

50/80

'Weekend at Bobby's':

Dean: You hear that Crowley? That's me flicking my BIC for you.

51/80

'Live Free or Twihard':

While trying to hack a teenage girl's computer passwordDean: Try uh, Lautner. Sam: He's a werewolf. ... Show More »

While trying to hack a teenage girl's computer passwordDean: Try uh, Lautner. Sam: He's a werewolf. How do you even know who that is? Dean: What are you kidding me? That kid is everywhere. It's a freakin' nightmare. « Less

52/80

'You Can't Handle the Truth':

Bobby:Tori Spelling. I'm a huge fan. Girl's a real talent.

53/80

'All Dogs Go to Heaven':

Sam: Why shack up with a family? Is it a kinky thing? Do you like to play with your food? Roll over, Lucky. Sp... Show More »

Sam: Why shack up with a family? Is it a kinky thing? Do you like to play with your food? Roll over, Lucky. Speak.Lucky: Go to hell. Sam: Already been. Didn't agree with me. « Less

54/80

'Clap Your Hands if You Believe':

Sam: What, flying saucers not insane enough for ya? If you want to add glitter to that glue you'... Show More »

Sam: What, flying saucers not insane enough for ya? If you want to add glitter to that glue you're sniffing, that's fine, but don't dump your whackadoo all over us. We'd rather not step in it. The only thing you're missing is a couple dozen cats, sister. « Less

55/80

'Clap Your Hands if You Believe':

Sam: So, say you've got a soul, and you're on a case, and your brother gets abducted by ali... Show More »

Sam: So, say you've got a soul, and you're on a case, and your brother gets abducted by aliens.Dean: Then you do everything you can to get him back.Sam: Right, you do. What about when there are no more leads for that? I mean are you just supposed to sit there in the dark and suffer, even when there's nothing that can be done at that moment?Dean: Yes! You sit in the dark and you feel the loss.Sam: Absolutely, but couldn't I just do all that and have sex with the hippie chick? It would be in the dark. « Less

56/80

'Clap Your Hands if You Believe':

Sam: Close encounter? What kind? First? Second? Dean: They're after me! Sam: Third kind already?... Show More »

Castiel: It's very complex. If the pizza man truly loves this babysitter, why does he keep slapping her rear? Perhap... Show More »

Castiel: It's very complex. If the pizza man truly loves this babysitter, why does he keep slapping her rear? Perhaps she has done something wrong. Dean: Are you watching porn? Why? Castiel: It was there. Dean: You don't watch porn in a room full of dudes. And you don't talk about it. Just turn it off... Well now he's got a boner. « Less

59/80

'Like a Virgin':

Sam: What kind of thing likes virgins and gold?Dean: P. Diddy?

60/80

'Like a Virgin':

Sam: So, Mel Gibson really took a turn this past year, huh? Dean: Or he's possessed. Seriously. Think about it. Show More »

Possessed Lisa: Says the C minus lay with ten miles of Daddy issue... Show More »

Dean: It's not your mom, Ben. She's lying.

Possessed Lisa: Says the C minus lay with ten miles of Daddy issues. Whatever gets you through the night, Tiny Tim. « Less

71/80

'Meet The New Boss':

Castiel: You're wrong. I am an utterly indifferent to sexual orientation. On the other hand, I cannot abide h... Show More »

Castiel: You're wrong. I am an utterly indifferent to sexual orientation. On the other hand, I cannot abide hypocrites like you, Reverend. Tell your flock where your genitals have been before you speak for me. « Less

72/80

'Meet The New Boss':

Dean: You know how I'm going to deal? I'm going to stuff my pie hole. I'm going drink. And I'm... Show More »

Dean: You know how I'm going to deal? I'm going to stuff my pie hole. I'm going drink. And I'm going to watch some Asian cartoon porn and act like the world's about to explode. Because it is. « Less

73/80

'The Girl Next Door':

Leviathan: Plain old people taste fine, but everything is better with cheese.

74/80

'Defending Your Life':

Dean: Dead and sober. Double crappy.

75/80

'Slash Fiction':

Leviathan 'Sam': You know I had a brother with this many issues once.Leviathan 'Dean': Yeah?Leviat...Show More »

Leviathan 'Sam': You know I had a brother with this many issues once.Leviathan 'Dean': Yeah?Leviathan 'Sam': You know what I did?Leviathan 'Dean': Mmm?Leviathan 'Sam': I ate him.« Less

76/80

'The Mentalists':

Waiter: You're a virile manifestation of the divine.

77/80

'Season 7, Time For A Wedding':

Becky: Chuck dumped me. I think I intimidated him with my vibrant sexuality.

78/80

'Season 7, Time For A Wedding':

Garth: Now - you'll be living with a triracial paraplegic sniper til this all blows over, okay?

79/80

'How To Win Friends and Influence Monsters':

Sam: Okay, so whatever turned Gerry Browder into a pumpkinhead... is currently turning Dea... Show More »

Sam: Okay, so whatever turned Gerry Browder into a pumpkinhead... is currently turning Dean into an idiot.Dean: I'm right here. Right here. « Less

80/80

'Death's Door':

Dean: All right, scoot, jerkface. Show your elders some respect.Sam: You scoot, asshat.Dean: Did we get licorice?S...Show More »

Dean: All right, scoot, jerkface. Show your elders some respect.Sam: You scoot, asshat.Dean: Did we get licorice?Sam: No, we did not get licorice. We got good snacks. Licorice is disgusting.Dean: I'm sorry, I didn't quite understand that, uh, Mr. Peanut Butter and Banana Sandwich.Sam: I stand by that sandwich. Nobody likes licorice. It's--it's made of dirt.Dean: It is a classic movie food. It's right up there with popcorn.Sam: Popcorn?Dean: Yeah.Sam: You're out of your mind.Dean: What, it's like little chewy pieces of heaven. « Less