Monday, December 15, 2008

Could This be Jimmy Kimmel's New Crib?

BUYER: Jimmy KimmelLOCATION: Marmont Avenue, Los Angeles, CAPRICE: $6,000,000SIZE: 5,500 square feet (approx.), 5 bedrooms, 5 full and 1 half bathroomsDESCRIPTION: ...The main house soars effortlessly in the sky that one experiences a visceral quality that is rarely experienced in homes. The interplay between the interior & exterior is captivating. The progressive aesthetic continues w/ separate guest house that includes gym/office & home theater.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: A week or so ago we were chit-chatting with a real estate savvy pal we'll call Hollywood Hills Hildegard who told us that she'd recently heard through the celebrity real estate gossip grapevine that a very contemporary and newly built house on Marmont Avenue had very recently been sold to a celebrity. Trouble was, Hildegard didn't know the buyer's identity. In fact, she was asking little ol' moi if we knew.

Well, of course, upon hearing that little tidbit Your Mama's little mind started whirring and our fat fingers starting dialing up some of the fancy folks with whom we fraternize who often know a thing or two about high end real estate in the Hollywood Hills. About 20 minutes later, the always reliable and wickedly well informed Lucy Spillerguts informed us that she's quite certain this house on Marmont Avenue was purchased by funny man Jimmy Kimmel.

Among his many acheivements in the tee-vee bizness, Mister Kimmel, who currently hosts the eponymous Jimmy Kimmel Live! program on the ABC, got his start co-hosting Daytime Emmy winning game show Win Ben Stein's Money and went on to co-create and co-host the testosterone fueled The Man Show on which he and the other co-hosts often humiliated people in the most outlandish ways they could concoct. He's also lent his voice to many animated programs such as Robot Chicken, Family Guy, and Road Trip. But he is best known to Your Mama for the celebrity filled mock music video he made earlier this year called I'm Fucking Ben Affleck, which was a response to his gurl friend Sarah Silverman's mock music video I'm Fucking Matt Damon, both of which became internet sensations.

Now listen children, public records indicate the pricey property on Marmont Avenue was purchased through a trust and do not actually show Mister Kimmel's name. Therefore, we can not say with 100% accuracy that Mister Kimmel bought this house. However, we will say it with 99% accuracy because, let's face it, our gal Lucy Spillerguts seldom (if ever) gets it wrong.

Listing information for the big, boxy, slinky and sexy residence in the Hollywood Hills shows it measures approximately 5,500 square feet and includes 4 bedrooms and 4.75 bathrooms. However, we counted 5 full and 1 half bathroom. Go figure. Anyhoo, it's unclear at this point how much moolah was spent to purchase the two building compound but listing information shows its last asking price was $6,350,000. We're sure that Mister Big Time will be able to suss out the actual sale price in the next few days. He's often much better at that than we are.

The new (and alleged) Kimmel compound consists of a light and airy main house that wraps around and hovers over a rectangular shaped swimming pool and spa and a detached building which contains the guest quarters, an office/gym, and a media room with sleek built in cabinetry and what appear to be some janky black out curtains. Both buildings are surrounded by copious patios, decks, terraces and lawn areas all of which look, to Your Mama, more like a courtyard at a W Hotel than a private home.

The unabashedly contemporary house has an open plan living, dining and kitchen area which features a floating staircase to the second floor and large disappearing walls of glass that when open completely obliterate the distinction between indoors and outdoors. The double island kitchen also features a floor to ceiling wine cellar wrapped in green glass which, quite frankly, is just too much of an architectural gimmick for our personal taste but one that modern minded oenophiles will surely appreciate. Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter had white Corian counter tops in our former beach house and while they looked spectacular, we encourage Mister Kimmel to never let anything acidic or red ever lay on his new counter tops for more than a few moments because that white shit can be a bitch to keep looking white.

Each of the four bedrooms in the main house are commodious and have attached bathrooms which means, of course, that Mister Kimmel's kids and guests will not have to share terlits. The master bedroom measures over 600 square feet and includes a fireplace, giant walk in closet, glittery views over Los Angeles, and a sky lit bathroom with a glassed in shower stall and a very expensive soaking tub. Somehow we don't imagine Mister Kimmel luxuriating in a bathtub.

The children should keep in mind that the furniture and day-core shown here does NOT belong to Mister Kimmel or any other home owner for that matter. The property was staged for selling. However, we do so hope that Mister Kimmel has the smarts to hire a nice gay decorator to help him do up this house because without the deft hand of a skilled decorator homes like this can easily look cold, sterile, unfriendly and simply too big.

Mister Kimmel's new neighborhood situs just up from the legendary celebrity hideout hotel Chateau Marmont and is, of course, chock full of high profile people, none perhaps more a-list than Cameron Diaz who not only appeared in Mister Kimmel's aforementioned mock music video but also lives just down the street. As far as we know Mister Kimmel still owns his house on Wonder View Drive which property records show he purchased in April of 2002 for $925,000 and proceeded to completely remodel. Records show that Mister Kimmel also owns a two unit building in sleepy Hermosa Beach, CA that sits just 1.5 short blocks to the sand.

Love the house. Great proportions to the rooms shown, strong, simple lines, lots of views out and natural light. The bathroom is really lovely - I could happily languish in that tub and shower for a few hours ...

Still laughing over the listing description, though. L.A. agents are all about over-the-top superlatives - "The best! The biggest! The most rare! Once in a lifetime!" - but this is a new twist, for sure. Quite amusing.

I think this might be a construction photo (all the other views show an older structure).

If that's the case, I have to wonder why the developer didn't follow a complete program as it appears from Mama's photos that the "backhouse" (as this east coaster likes to refer to it; one must pay homage to our legendary slumlord Astor) seems to have been "spruced up" instead of a complete teardown and/or remodel like the main house.

Not only is it different stylistically, but it seems to be oddly angled on the lot, too. And the second abattoir, um, I mean bathroom, appears to be facing the neighbor's yard; talk about your Man Show…