Doctor Rueprecht had invented a machine that transferred the birth pains from the mother to the father and he was going to try it out on one of his patients. Arthur's wife Gertrude was about to give birth so he decided to try the machine on them. He set the machine to 1/2, transferring half of the pain to the father to make it fair. Arthur didn't seem to be in any pain at all so the doctor went ahead and set it to full, transferring all the pain to the father. Arthur didn't even blink. The machine is even better than I had hoped thought the doctor.The next day when the couple brought their newborn baby back home they found Arthur's best friend Delbert dead in the front yard.Acme electric home repair service had just hired Arthur as an electrician, his first assignment was to fix an old lady's doorbell. He came back after an hour and told his boss:- Well, I went over there and I must have rang the doorbell at least 20 times but no one opened so I left.The two birds had been boyfriend girlfriend for a long time and things had been going well, but today the girl bird was inconsolable.- I already told you honey, I did not get married to someone else, I was abducted by a gang of ornithologists and they put this ring on me.MORE JOKES