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Friday, October 4, 2013

The One Where I Take the Blame...

Dear President Obama and Good People of Congress,

It's all my fault.

Unemployment has begun to dig in, to build a nest in my head, to seep into my brains, to create ill conceived similes...

I did the unconscionable... I began to look for work in the PubSec. You see consulting in my field can be done from an airplane or conveniently for me, the District of Columbia, DC, home of the government. I was able to fly below the radar for a time, but you finally found out.

I think it might have been a little drastic, perhaps an overreaction to shut down the government to stem that ugly tide. I don't know why you don't want to collect a check from the same great bank. Why do you not want to work with me? Are you that unreasonable? Is it because I didn't vote for you????

Ummm, all 536 of you?
I've been recommended as a good teammate by most people...well, at least the ones where my check cleared. Of course, there was that one who staunchly refused because I thought we might be wasting your money...thankfully, you are above that.

So please stop trying to convince the American people that you dislike each other and want complete control. As usual, its about me....

Let's be clear...Scott can NOT be allowed to work in Government, right?

I promise to look away. You've made it clear, spurned my advances, made me feel like the kid picked last for kickball...even after "No Legs" McIntyre and "Chubby" Jones and his little brother who just got out of diapers. I won't pursue my efforts any longer.

Now, we both realize that I won't be able to keep my head turned.

I will undoubtedly look back, longing for that which I cannot have. I recognize that you will be forced to come up with some ridiculous farce like arguing over raising the debt ceiling, but please don't shut it all down again. Now that I've taken the blame, my friends won't treat me the same especially if you punish me with their jobs being furloughed.

Thanks so much for your time and for the 536 personalized responses I will inevitably receive, thanking me for me "support" which we both know is code for my taking responsibility where clearly you couldn't.