WHACK ATTACK

SO WHEN WOMEN SHOP THEY BASE EVERY SINGLE PURCHASE ON WHAT MEN THINK? That’s what a pathetic listicle from Marie Claire assumes, anyway.

Specifically: what men think of different types of women’s bathing suits. According to the women’s mag, the “standard two-piece” get a whopping 93 percent approval rate from men, while 78 percent of them hate the “monokini,” or a one-piece with sides cut out. Hey, thanks for the tips on how to make what I’M WEARING about the men around me, and letting me know that they think my modest swimsuit is a bummer – I never would have figured that out on my own! How about you guys stick to what you know best – losing money.

Beyoncé stans! You MUST watch Kid Fury review one of Bey’s recent live performance that lives up to the QUEEN’S talent. Fury’s hand had his hand “TOUCHED” by the Queen in “a sparkling red gown looking like a bag of fresh cranberries full of antioxidants and pure heaven.” The Kid effuses for another 7 minutes and 14 seconds. The review almost as fabulous as Bey, and if you don’t agree I will get right up and throw a laptop.

In case you had doubts about Mitt Romney’s ability to run America, well, now we know he can’t even SPELL “America.” The proof is posted on his iPhone app, and up and down his Tumblr page, where he unveiled his new campaign slogan, “A better Amercia.” Nice job, Mittens.

Miz J has an attitude. Deal with it. Check out her NSFW comedy podcast, I SAID IT, on iTunes or follow her on Facebook or on Twitter @askmizj.