I am so happy for you. I am down to 25mg a day for about 3 months now. I feel happier and more clear minded on this dose. Beginning to taper to every other day this week. The "brain zapping" is what I can't stand when I stop. It makes me feel like I am losing it. I hate this drug. I never realized what a fog it had me living in. I am struggling with the unveiling so to speak of real life. I continue to struggle. Working out helps me quite a bit. I wish you continued success with your fight.

Hey mamacita,
Thank You for your kind words and thoughts. I am Doing better, I make sure I put my excercise on my priority list. It seems to help. I wanted to go off the effexor myself. I wanted to try and be drug free for and see how my body reacts. I hate having to rely on a drug to function. I am going to give it some time and then see what the doctor sais. He gave me 2 more weeks of the effexor. I have a feeling I am going to need something for the depression, but maybe not. The night sweats have been brutal the last 4 nights. Maybe the bowl of ice cream I consume daily dosen't help. I am finding the older I get I crave sweets. This is something totally new to me. Maybe because I no longer drink wine? Thats loaded with sugar.
I am going to consult with a therapist also. I think I need to be able to vent some of this hurt and anger to someone other than my son and his wife. They don't need my problems interfering with their life. They have a life of there own. I don't want to burden them. I want to be my usual happy a little quirky mom and mimi. This relationship with this guy has really changed me. I need to get back to who I used to be. I have a lot of hurt to deal with and need to stay positive as much as I can. Talk to you soon.
mjsmimi (Pam)

@@@ Hello All,
I am doing well all considering. The head shudders from the detox of effexor are off the hook today. I am down to 25 daily. I cut in half and try to make it on 12.5. Struggling today. Been walking 2 to 4 miles daily. That usually helps with the depression for a while but it usually returns. Also continuing the MCT oil. On the fence whether it helps or not? In a nut shell, I am depressed and struggling not to be. I am not sure what I am supposed to do? I need to sell my house and move where I don't feel threatened. I can not live there if BF is around. I don't trust him or any intentions he may have. I am still convinced he is a psycho with harmful tendencies. He has so much anger bottled up inside him it is scary. I feel for anyone he gets involved with. I do know he wouldn't physically harm his children.He did find out that His ex wife( well not ex they have been seperated for 4 years now), has been abusing the middle daughter. She is seeking help at school with a counselor. Its hard not to listen when he wants to talk, we were friends for a very long time. I know I need to cut ties totally but the youngest daughter who lived with me stays in touch. She is very sweet and so innocent. I can't turn my back on her. She is an innocent child. It is very painful though as the tears roll down as I type. Why does life have to be so difficult?
On a positive note I am spending a lot more time with my 3 year old granddaughter. She soothes my heart and soul. Such a sweet little munchkin. Love her to pieces. Thats about it for now Thanks for your thoughts. I am hanging in there. I will make it through this also.
As always, pouring my thoughts to all of you is so helpful. Thanks for listening.

I want to thank all of you for your thoughts, prayers, and concerns. I apologize for any I was reaching out for help to help me decipher if I was the crazy one here? You have helped me realize, I am not crazy at all. I have to trust myself. I have to go on my gut feeling always. No matter what is. I am working on second guessing my instinct.
I will be at my son's house until he vacates my property. I will then go back and vacate all belongings and sell it. It will never be safe to return and live there ever. His daughters mother is aware of the situation-she was married to him for 15 years. I am going to alert her school counselor to intervene without my involvement. I think it best I get the information in the right hands for this young girl. The professionals can decide what is best. I need to walk away for my own safety. I will keep you informed. Again thank you for your kindness and protection,. I have all of you to thank for my safety. God Bless all of You.

@@@Oh Dear, Sometimes there is no explanation for things… BF mom just had a stroke. He is on his way 1.5 hrs away. I am here with his daughter. I am hoping this ends better than I expect She is the only semi sane relative he has. I am going to explain to her not in so many words I will be leaving this time for sure. She can visit, she is going to want to see our puppy. She will be coming with me. Dad and her can stay in the house until they find somewhere to live. This is extremely complicated. We work together also. I can't even begin to figure out all of this. Or even think about it. He calls me a"runner". Well buddy I have good reason to run and should have the first time I threatened to do so.
Only then will I come back and proceed to sell this place and get the heck away from this area entirely.
I will be here with his daughter until he returns. Could be several hours. I am lining up a rental car to pick me up in the morning. He has my truck, he can keep until I am away and safe. I am watching my back..

This seems really insignificant incident this afternoon while picking up his daughter but maybe not?? I saw a blue jay bullying a circle of little birds, I made the comment about the blue jay being a bully. BF proceeds to ask "Are you the little birds or the bully?" "You don't even know do you" Then we almost ran in the back of someone. The guy is pissed at BF and staring. All BF can do is shout "I am a good person you F with me I'm coming after you. You will pay" Why am I only now reading and hearing through all these phrases now? He has been like this…. It's like my eyes just opened a few days ago.
Yes, my husband may be here steering me in the right direction… I know he loved me. As I did him, He was a good man.,He always called me naive and would say "You can't help everybody, you cant save the world." I get the message now?? Really? Talk about a delayed reaction. Geez, I have to smile or lose it…..God Love Him!

I called my doctor to lengthen the taper. I have been taking half of the 25 mg. every other day. So I am 25mg 12.5mg then 25mg…… so on. .I need to keep this straight head right now. I also take hemp oil, the real is not legal here. It seems to be helping along with the vitamins. I may need something more during all this. Hopefully not. I will keep posted. Trying to stay as strong and level headed as I can.

Back to thinking… effexor is the least of my problems at this point. I was just lectured by BF the eyes covet what they see and the silence of the lambs and all that crap. I don't even remember the movie much, but this dosen't sound good. We are leaving to p/u his daughter from school. I think after we return I need to vacate quickly. I have a very edgy feeling of something bad coming….I don't think being lectured why people from the outside want to steel your "sh__ , why people murderer and such is such a good thing. He runs around opening blinds all over the house, especially at night. It is creepy. I think my eyes have been opened.

Thank You for all your comments and concerns. I need to stop second guessing myself here, you are all correct. He is sick and perverted. He puts tape recorders hidden when he is not here. He sais I should watch him have sex with wife of whomever I have "cheated" with for pay back!! That comment there really opened my eyes. HE IS SICK and PERVERTED!!! He comments on the way young girls look up to him. I have seen the way his tone changes when he talks to them. At first I thought it was my paranoid jealous imagination. Now I am not so sure, I do see his understanding nature and how the world of child molesters makes him sick and he feels the need to" protect"

I know this is way off me situation here, but I think this is important to get off my chest and help me cope.
I am starting to see the things he claims to make him a" good guy" are sickening. ( I feel extremely sharp today, maybe my brain awake supplements are helping) I really feel bad for his ex wife. He has made me believe she was this cheating, sick person who plays window games and runs to neighbors for attention etc. Well hell, he accuses me of the same thing and it is all FALSE. I now don't believe what he has told me about her, that part anyway. Yes, I believe she sent kids to school without making them brush teeth, clean clothing, homework, etc. (To long of a list to go through, I have my own issues with this sick person.) Yes, that I saw. ( what the hell did he expect she was 19 and he was 31 when they met. He wasn't thinking with his mind if you get my drift.)
I think that is why his youngest is with us. I walk her through the whole health hygiene process.. She for some reason is not afraid of him (this is what I see now with the other two). I however do not feel safe. He has bashed in an ex girlfriends face (so he said) His ex wife called the cops on him 6 times. I am now seeing why he reached for me. Damn I am stupid as shit. He is right about that!
I questioned why my son won't let my granddaughter come here and spend the night. He must feel that. Thank goodness for that. But to my BF he thinks my son is a spoiled middle class brat. (OMG, the lightbulb just went off) He hates middle class families. I was one, but we worked damn hard for it!!! he came from poor, mental illness, alcohol, family, His mom went mental when he was 9, she walked away with a shopping cart. He repeats what he has gone through over and over to try to manipulate me? (He told his daughter this morning that I am out of commission?? and from what I saw scared her this am about something before school.) It has been working,. Not today!!! I am shutting down the sympathy for him. No more dude. I know I am rambling on and on here. Wow, it took effexor detox to make me realize this??? I want to slap the crap out of the pharmaceutical companies if there is any truth to that….
I need to stop for now.

I know he is no good for me!! I dont want nor do I want someone else to be a statistic. He can keep thinking he is good looking (of course he is) and that everyone wants a piece of his poison. Go for it dude. I want no part!!!!

My brain is going way to fast, I need to stop relax, go back to my gardening for therepy for about an hour then pick back up with my thoughts.

@Thank You everyone for all your posts and advice!!! I need this! Soo bad. I don't know how to convey to you how much better and stronger I feel today. I finally feel like I am not crazy and someone out there believes me. Thank You! I know it is going to be a long road. Please keep the advice coming. I am taking it all in….