News, Advice, and Tips for Parenting Teenagers

The By Parents For Parents Blog is regularly updated with the latest news and information on topics that relate to parenting teenagers. We'll post parenting advice and tips from trusted online news sources and expert parenting columns.

We invite you to add your comments. Please let us know if you would like some specific topics covered, want to share your experience as a parent dealing with teens, or just have general feedback on the By Parents For Parents Blog.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Due to learning disabilities, behavioral challenges, or other issues, some parents find that they have a teenager with no, or very limited reading skills. Changing this will make a difference in everything they do in life. Teenagers may resist new attempts to help them learn to read because of their embarrassment about being behind their peers, or just because teenagers resist just about everything! But, keep at it. Learning to read, or to read better can impact an adolescent's self esteem, social circle, and job prospects. Chances are you'll need to use a tutor or tutoring company, or find a new school placement to provide them with new skills and/or new approaches that help compensate for their reading difficulties. And, while their reading skills are being developed, find ways to help compensate for their limitations. Help find ways to reduce their embarrassment. Instead of saying, "Since you can't read, I'll read it to you," say, "Hmm . . . let me see, they have chicken Alfredo, gyro sandwiches, shrimp scallopini . . . I wonder which one I'll have." Being committed to helping your teenager learn to read, or to upgrade their ability will change their lives for the better.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Parenting books abound. Topics include daily parenting, dealing with challenging behaviors, sibling rivalry, blended families, growing in spirituality as a family, and many more. When parents are confronted by unexpected or extreme behaviors from their child or adolescent, parenting books can be a lifeline providing inspiration, tips, and support. But which books are the best?

When building a library of parenting books, or decided which ones to request from an interlibrary loan, there are several ways to assess their potential value to you and your family. Ask about books in any on-line support groups you belong to. Check with parents of children with similar challenging behaviors to your child. Read through the reviews at Amazon.com. And, remind yourself that even when armed with advice from others, you may just stumble onto the perfect book for you by accident.

A few books that are often found to be helpful for parents of children with emotional and behavioral issues include: Parenting the Hurt Child by Gregory Keck, When Love Is Not Enough by Nancy Thomas, Common Sense Parenting by Ray Burke, Building the Bonds of Attachment by Daniel Hughes, and one of the standards, Parenting With Love and Logic, or, Parenting Teens With Love and Logic by Jim Faye and Foster Cline. These books might provide parenting approaches that are extremely helpful. Or, if not these books, search for others that meet your needs and help you parent your child to the best of your ability.

Monday, June 26, 2006

Teens and young adults are telling their families and friends that they are gay at much younger ages than in generations before. In past decades, the average age for teens to come out was 14 or older, but that now that age is 13 years old. Although verbal and physical abuses are still a concern for gay teenagers, many feel that society is generally more accepting and tolerant. With the success of gay characters in movies and on TV, gay kids now have healthy, positive role moles that they can relate to. There are also more gay support groups for teens and more online resources. Learn more about gay teenagers from St. Louis Today.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

For many parents, talking about "the birds and the bees" can be a touchy subject. When is the right time? What is the right age? How much detail should you go into? Don't put off having "the talk" because as your children grow up, they are receiving all kinds of messages about sexuality from TV, movies, the Internet, and their friends. Responsible parents need to feel comfortable in their ability to have open, honest conversations with their kids as they grow into teenagers and young adults. As kids grow up, their questions will change and the way parents answer them will change. Read more advice from Dr. Suzanne J. Gelb, in the Hawaii Reporter.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

It used to be thought that trauma was a single incident that a person needed to "get over" or "work through," and then you'd be fine. New brain studies show that exposure to trauma isn't merely a simple emotional reaction that needs to be understood. Trauma releases hormones that impact the neurobiology of a person's system and can actually change the structure of the brain.

Dr. Bruce Perry, an expert on the impact of trauma on children, explains that a child spending the first few years of life in a neglectful or unstable environment translates into trauma within a child's makeup. In addition to neglect, trauma for a child might include a prolonged hospital stay, death or serious illness of a primary caregiver, natural disaster, domestic violence, car accidents, or other life threatening situations.

No matter the age of the child, the fear and confusion that come with trauma can eventually lead to social, psychiatric, and medical problems. Parents need to be alert to evidence of post traumatic stress (PTSD) in their children. Some of the signs include anxiousness, withdrawal, aggressiveness, and even over exuberance, among many others.

Whether your child is a biological child or was adopted, provide the tools to help your child heal. Discuss the events in age-appropriate ways. Straighten out mis-perceptions such as the child feeling that they caused this to happen. Be nurturing and affectionate. And ask for help if the parent and child need it. Trained professionals will help the child re-frame the trauma, provide additional tools for them to utilize, and will give the parents new perspectives and techniques to help their child heal and grow strong.

Friday, June 16, 2006

Throughout Michigan, and especially in Detroit, teenagers are graduating from high school and facing a future of economic uncertainty. Because Michigan's economy is flailing along, some graduates are skipping college and looking for a full-time job and a regular paycheck. Those who are continuing on with school are concerned about the rising costs of tuition. And even a college degree doesn't guarantee a job in four years. Read more about the choices teens in Michigan are making about their future from the Detroit Free Press.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Read what Dr. Dobson, the founder and chairman of the board of Focus on the Family, says about implementing tough love when your teenagers' behavior goes from bad to worse. Dr. Dobson speaks about "parent battering" that's when a violent child abuses one or both parents. Tough love techniques can help parents rein in their out of control teens. The Sun Herald article also discusses the pros and cons of year-round schools. Read more online.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Because teenagers brains' are still growing and developing, parents should make sure their kids are getting enough sleep. Teens should be getting nine to ten hours of sleep a night, yet many say they typically get less than seven hours of sleep a night. "Body clock" changes and packed calendars prevent teens from getting to bed early enough to allow them enough time to get the amount and the type of sleep they need. Some experts are suggesting that school start times be pushed back to accommodate typical teenage sleep cycles. Read more at www.acorn-online.com.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Non verbal learning disorders (NLD) can impact the academics, social interactions, and spatial perceptions. This neurological syndrome has similarities to other neurological diagnoses such as Asperger's, but in fact has differences.

Students with NLD often have difficulty in situations where they are required to be both quick and adaptable. Areas where they often struggle often include motor deficits such as poor coordination, visual/organizational/spatial deficits such as poor visual recall, and social skills deficits such as the inability to notice and understand nonverbal communication. Often kids with NLD are thought to be behavior problems. Instead, there is an underlying neurological problem that is hindering their development and achievement.

Some of the types of therapies that can help NLD include occupational therapy, social skill groups, and sensory integration therapy. Because NLD is a fairly new field of study, many therapists and doctors are not familiar with the diagnosis. Some of the kinds of interventions that may be helpful to those with NLD include helping to anticipate new situations, instruction and practice in reading nonverbal communication, and teach organizational skills.

Nonverbal learning disorder can impact every aspect of a person's life. A child with NLD who is diagnosed early can be provided with the therapy and instruction to improve their life at home, in school, and with friends.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Parents often face a time of confusion as their children grow from kids to teenagers. The kids that were once their second shadow now don't want anything to do with them. The son that used to hug and kiss mom and dad every night now doesn't want to be touched. The daughter who used to love talking with mom every day after school now spends hours in her room on the phone with friends. Parenting experts say that the kids are doing exactly what they're supposed to and parents need to grow as their children do. To make the transition from child to adolescent easier for everyone in the family, parents need to try new parenting styles. Learn more about changing parenting styles as kids go from tweens to teens from the Contra Costa Times.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Throughout the country, school administrators are meeting to discuss creating new policies regarding students' use of cell phones and iPods. The gadgets owned by just about every single teen often disrupt classes and may even be used for cheating. In the small community of San Luis Obispo, teachers are worried about text messages used to cheat, cameras that take lewd photos of unassuming girls, and disruptions every time a phone rings in the middle of class. At Arroyo Grande High and Paso Robles High, the number of iPods that are stolen each year is rapidly rising. Read about ways administrators will regulate cell phone and MP-3 player usage from the San Luis Obispo Tribune.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Qwest Communications is offering free online classes to help parents learn how to keep their kids safe when they're on the Internet. Several recent reports show that children aren't always using their best judgment when online and parents need to take an active role in to ensure their safety. The online parents classes offer tips, articles, and kits geared at educating parents and adding to their parenting skills. Learn more from CBS4Denver.com.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Most of society does not acknowledge or even realize that physical aggression from children toward their parents ever arises. Sadly, it does.

Most children outgrow their toddler tantrums by age three or four. After that, hitting, kicking, throwing, breaking, biting, and spitting is usually considered inappropriate. However, due to trauma, mental health issues, or biological problems, some children do resort to physical aggression after it is age-appropriate.

Parents with physically aggressive children often struggle with how to get help. Explaining to others that your cute, blond, eight-year-old is physically attacking you is difficult. Does that mean you're an incapable parent? Are you exaggerating? Or, most damning, does someone think that it's really you abusing your child rather than the other way around?

There are multiple reasons why a child might resort to physical aggression or abuse. They came from an abusive background. They're suffering from an emotional or behavioral issue that requires therapy and/or medication. Or they're suffering from ailments such as poor hearing or an auditory processing disorder that compromises their ability to function effectively on a daily basis.

Children who use physical aggression rather than appropriate ways to express their anger, frustration, or fear, are in need of therapeutic interventions. Parents should consider some or all of the following: keep a journal of the incidents, confide in a trusted friend or pastor, find support from a friend or relative, provide consequences for your child's actions, and report your child to the police.

Monday, June 12, 2006

In Eugene, Oregon, the Looking Glass Station 7, a shelter for kids in crisis, has a music mentorship program for teens who need a helping hand. The goal of the program is to bring music and mentors together to teach teens to be successful and build confidence in themselves and their futures. The kids at Station 7 usually come from abusive family situations and are often riding an emotional roller coaster. Music gives them a way to express themselves and work through their problems. Learn more from the Register Guard.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

In a suburb of Los Angeles, a 12-week boot camp for teens is making a difference. The El Monte Police Department's TORCH (Teaching Obedience, Respect, Courage and Honor) Program teaches parents how to deal with their disobedient children. While kids learn how to be respectful and go through group counseling, parents learn how to communicate and steer their kids in the right direction. Most kids who attend the boot camp are referred by schools or the courts, but it's actually open to anyone who wants to attend. Read more from the Whittier Daily News.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

High school dropouts say a big reason they left school was because of math. In Glendale, Arizona, a program to help students work on their math skills is aimed at keeping kids in school. In its 6th year, Project SHARP helps incoming freshmen build their confidence in math by making it fun and interesting. In addition to playing games, students will go on field trips to see how math can be applied to life outside of the classroom. The program focuses on getting students ready for high school algebra. Read more from the Arizona Republic.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

According to a recent report from Forbes.com, teenage girls are struggling with peer pressure and having sex when they don't want to. A new study conducted on teenage girls at the Indiana University Medical Center in Indianapolis found that over 40% of the girls had sex when they didn't want to, many because they were afraid that their boyfriends would break up with them if they said no. The results of these unwanted experiences include sexually transmitted diseases, unplanned pregnancies, depression and anxiety disorders. Read more online.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

A federal report released last week says that today's teens are staying out of trouble more than teens did 15 years ago. Of course, there are still teenagers behaving in risky behaviors, but for the most part, teenagers nowadays are more responsible and take fewer risks with their health. In 1991, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention began tracking the behaviors of high school students and have surveyed teens ever two years since then. Compared to the teens of 1991, our kids are drinking and smoking less, having fewer sexual experiences, and wearing their seatbelts more. The study did find significant differences in behaviors in teenagers of different races. Read more about the CDC's study on teenage behaviors from the Daily News Central.

Friday, June 09, 2006

CNNMoney.com asked the editors of Consumer Reports to help them pick out the best cars for teenage drivers. In addition to the costs of the car, insurance, maintenance and repairs, the editors took reliability and safety into consideration. Consumer Reports suggests finding a safe midsize or small car to get the best value. Look for airbags and anti-lock brakes to help keep teen drivers safe. Visit CNNMoney.com to see Consumer Reports' ten best cars for beginning drivers.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Earlier this week, USA Today published an article on the 25th anniversary of HIV/AIDS. This milestone marks the first generation of teens and young adults who don't know a world without AIDS. While much has changed, much continues to remain the same. Teenagers and young people feel invincible and contract the disease through unsafe sex. Gay children and those afflicted with AIDS are made to feel as outcasts in their families. Unfortunately, many young adults still don't know the facts about safe sex and AIDS. Learn more about what teens are doing to educate their peers about the risks of HIV/AIDS online.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

The June issue of Pediatrics, reports on the alarming findings of a new study on thousands of college age kids who engage regularly in harming themselves. Young men and women are repeating self-injuring themselves by cutting, biting, bruising, purposely breaking their bones and picking at their own skin and hair. Of the nearly 3,000 students surveyed at two colleges, researchers found that approximately 17% of students have purposely hurt themselves and more than 75% have done it more than once. Sometimes students caused injuries serious enough to require professional medical attention. Experts say that self-injurers must seek professional counseling to help them work through the underlying causes of their behaviors. Read more online at http://www.insidehighered.com/news/2006/06/05/injury.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

While tweens and teens feel having a cell phone is a social necessity, parenting experts are advocating the use of cell phones as a tool for parents. Giving children cell phones offers parents peace of mind and a tracking device. Equipping kids with cell phones is also a great way to help keep kids safe. Pre-teens also learn responsibility and etiquette. Younger children don't need cell phones with special features like text messaging, cameras, or Internet access and parents need to set limits and rules. Read more from myrtlebeachonline.com.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Many studies show that social skills, even more than academics are an indicator of a child's success in school, and throughout life. When children are under the age of 10, poorly developed social skills are often overlooked. After the age of 10, poor social skills become much more apparent.

Children may have social skills deficits due to a variety of reasons: limited peers interaction, moving from foster home to foster home, autism or Asperger's syndrome, growing up in a dysfunctional environment, and more. Social skills include greetings, taking turns, showing sympathy, helping others, and being kind.

With guidance and prompting, children can be taught improved social skills but as with so many things, the earlier the better. Social skill development is a series of learning steps. If a 14-year-old has social skill deficits, it's not merely a matter of teaching that skill. There are probably earlier related social skills that they have missed. These need to be taught and developed before the next skill or skills can be taught.

Poor social skills have been attributed to relationship difficulties, mental health issues, high school dropouts, and more. Parents and teachers should work to identify children who are not well liked by their peers - these are often the ones in need of extra social skills training. Discussion and practicing skills, rewarding positive social skills, positive role models, and social skills groups can all be beneficial to a child who is lacking in social skills.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

"Shut up you stupid mom," might be somewhat funny coming from a four-year-old. The same phrase, including a few swear words, along with aggressive posturing, is not funny coming from an 11-year-old.

All families have different standards as to acceptable and unacceptable words. But, if your child is regularly not adhering to your family's standards, they might be considered verbal aggressive or even verbally abusive.

Even the calmest, kindest people in the people have moments when they might yell - they close their fingers in the car door, their toddler is running out into traffic. Everyone would consider those appropriate, even necessary. Parents instill standards of politeness and kindness that might include discussion rather than arguing, respectful responses to questions, and allowing verbal expressions of frustration but not mean insults.

Some children, however, do not adhere to these standards. They might be accusatory or threatening with their words. They might use swear words, aggressive posturing, or a yelling and demanding voice. Other than certain exceptions, none of these is acceptable. The question, however, is, what's behind the verbal aggression? Is it a bad habit? Is it connected to a psychological diagnosis?

A few things to consider. . . Verbal aggression is often indicative of underlying layers of anger. The question, however, is, "What is the cause or trigger for that anger?" One or more of the following can contribute to verbal aggression: living in an abusive or neglectful environment, witnessing abuse - either verbal or physical, an undiagnosed physical ailment such as a hearing problem, or mental health issues.

If your child is verbally aggressive, try whispering when your child yells. Provide positive feedback for appropriate words and tone. Implement consequences for egregious verbal aggression. If parenting alone has no impact, look to your child's primary physician to help determine the next step. Once any physical problems are ruled out, an assessment by a therapist or counselor will help determine if there are any emotional, behavioral, or mental health issues that need to be addressed.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

"studies show that the more often families eat together, the less likely kidsare to smoke, drink, do drugs, get depressed, develop eating disorders andconsider suicide, and the more likely they are to do well in school, delayhaving sex, eat their vegetables, learn big words and know which fork touse."

According to experts on adolescent development, the more families dine together, the better everyone gets along, the more successful everyone is, and the family enjoys better health. By sitting down and eating as a family, a family identity and culture is formed - something which is just as important as that extracurricular activity kids may miss out on by spending an hour every night with their parents at the dinner table. Parents need to refrain from overscheduling their lives and their kids' lives to create quality family time. Read more online.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Authorities throughout Michigan fear that a rise of heroin use in teenagers statewide could become an epidemic. They say the decrease in price and increase in purity is what gets kids as young as 13 hooked. The Office of National Drug Control Policy believes that "heroin is considered the most-abused and fastest-acting opiate." Heroin can be injected, smoked or snorted and intravenous heroin users can spread AIDS and hepatitis by sharing needles. In Michigan, most adolescent heroin users generally come from middle- to upper-class families. Read more from the Kalamazoo Gazette.