Tuesday, March 31, 2015

So a couple in your small group has decided to adopt. Or your daughter comes home from school talking about her new best friend who looks "nothing like her sister."

Wanna shock 'em with your savvy behavior while at the same time trying NOT to remove your foot from your throat?

Check out these 14 easy things to not do or say to your friends who have adopted... put 'em in practice and you're well on your way to becoming an advocate!

1. "Oh my gosh! They are SOOOOOO lucky!"
Nope. No they're not. Not at all. Lucky would imply that we somehow were part of some saving grace for them -and we all know that's not true. Give them some time (say middle school or so) - they'll likely tell you how unlucky they really are...

They are - however - blessed, divine, righteous, children of a redeeming Savior - but they aren't lucky. Luck did not place them where they were. There is nothing lucky about starting out life in some of the hardest, toughest, most challenging circumstances you can imagine while your birth parents have had to make some of the hardest, toughest, most challenging decisions ever.

Now us... me and Laura? If anybody's lucky - it'd be us. We're beyond lucky. We're also blessed that the same redeeming Savior who built these little champions found it fit to choose us as their parents.

No luck in this family people. Only God.

2. "How much did they cost?" or "You have a receipt for those kids?"
Yep - been asked both of those questions. And look - we are fierce advocates for adoption because we do believe in it as an option after much else has been exhausted - so if you do wanna have a real conversation around costs and ways to step out in this area - we're all about it.

But if you're asking that question with other motives... examine your heart. STAT.

Would you ask me how much I make? Would you ask me to see my check book or online bank account information? No?

Then why would it ever be okay to delve into that area with somebody?

Here's a hint... it's never okay. Ever. And if you just simply can't handle it and just have to know... that's what Google is for.

3. "Could you guys not have kids?"
No - we couldn't - hey, did you get that rash on your privates cleared up? No... still got it? Ewwww... I'm sorry.

See... weird, huh? Infertility is a medical issue that is ripe with embarrassment, feelings of inferiority and inadequacy. Why on earth would you ask somebody that?

On top of that - you're making a pretty strong assumption that somebody only adopted because they couldn't have biological children. Silly naive person...

Here's the deal - get to know us and we'll likely share everything with ya - the good, the bad and the ugly. But don't try and pry it out of me if I don't want to share it with you. Weirdo.

4. Touching their hair (or any part of them) without their permission.
Let's be honest this should just apply to humans in general. Unfortunately - it's on this list - sooooo... ya know... people.

I get it - my kids are UTTERLY ADORABLE. The most beautiful on the planet. I say that with complete humility because they have none of my DNA (thank God!). And that hair... I mean... come on! Meron's Polamalu-esque locks, Mebbie's Minnie-Mouse Puffs and Z-Dogg's Polka Dot, Polka Dot, Polka Dot AFRO!

I know - sometimes I just wanna romp in it myself... but I'm their dad. You? You're a stranger in line at Target. Don't be an even stranger stranger by touching my kids.

And for the record - they're not zoo animals or some wild species we discovered deep in the woods. They're kids. Don't stare, don't touch... go to the zoo for that. Go pet a lion.

I guess there are times when this may be the case - but in interracial, dynamic families like ours - uh... come on now.

We talk about adoption a lot around here. In beautiful ways while acknowledging the harsh reality and pain of it all - so yeah - our kids know they're adopted.

And ya know what? They're fiercely proud of that, their family and the very place God has put them.

6. "They're so cute. I'd love to sneak one home in a suitcase."
Hmmm... and I guess I'd love to sneak you a file baked in a cake into prison, you child trafficker, you.

I have heard this said by so many people before and I know they say it out of ignorance - but look at it - say it again - while thinking of the situation that led to the need of adoption. While thinking about our kids. Say it again - go ahead.

It's belittling and demeaning. It reduces a person - a beautiful creation of God - to something that you wish you could smuggle out of the country.

It's also a slap in the face to people who respect the system - go about it the right way - and suffer through the process and financial burden of it all.

So no... no suitcase smuggling comments.

7. "We think we want to adopt one day too - but we want to have our own kids first."
I think what you meant was "biological kids" but still... it's an error in thinking that can lead to other problems.

If you see a difference between a child that pops outta your belly and a child that comes into your family by adoption - then you seriously need to reconsider your plans.

It's gonna take a WHOLE LOTTA GOD to stare at your OWN child that came in to your family through adoption - when they're teenagers, all angsty and angry and yelling at you that you're not their real mom or dad - and to not see them as anything but your own child that you love.

If ya start off on that foot - it's only gonna go downhill.

My kids are my own.

8. "Are they real brothers and sisters?"
No - Mebbie is actually a puppet and Z-Dogg is nothing more than a cardboard cut-out rendition of a little brother. It's all fake.

Again - I think what you meant to ask was "Are they biological siblings."

Not that it matters - or is any of your business - because now - in this family that God mashed together - they couldn't be any more brother and sister.

And that's really REAL.

9. "Do they speak english?"
Well - let's see. Zechie actually came home speaking Minion-ese. Now he speaks a Minion dialect of English.

Mebbie was on her third language when she came home - and she picked up English in about 3 weeks and I'd venture to say she speaks it with a better grasp of it than a WHOLE lot of adults I know.

And Meron - well Meron was 7 months old when she came home - the only thing making noises was her butt. It sounded English. Smelled English too.

Yes - my kids speak English. Unless they're being disciplined. Then they like to pretend they don't understand English and can't speak any language.

I think the thing you're digging on is what circumstances drove their biological parents to have to make what I can only imagine is probably the hardest decision a parent could ever be faced with.

Is that what you meant? Oh, it is? Well - that's none of your business.

That's my child's story and I will defend it fiercely. Oh - I pray that one day they will be used by God to impact His kingdom in a mighty way. I mean - Meron has already stood up on her own in her Sunday school class and shared a 30 second testimony of her life.

But that's their life. Their story. Don't ask.

12. "Do they have special needs?"
Have you met my kids? They're incredibly needy and they all think they're special.

But seriously - I know some amazing families who have adopted some incredible kids with medical needs and other circumstances. Some of them share publicly about the process and some of them don't.

But either way - it's a pretty pointed question to ask if it isn't being offered up to you.

Tread carefully in that area. Your best bet? Get to know people. You'll learn more in the long run that way.

13. "Why Ethiopia? There are kids right here in America with needs too."
Sigh... truthfully... this one just saddens me.

It's a window into a very shallow and narrow mind.

Yes - there are all kinds of needs here in America - needs that we care deeply about. We try to expose our kids to those needs and find ways we can be involved as often as we can.

But that doesn't mean we can't care for our brothers and sisters all over the globe. Most of the time - when I'm asked this question - it's by somebody not doing anything anywhere - here or abroad. So it's an easy one to brush off.

But my typical answer to "Why Ethiopia?" - it's easy...

That's where my kids were.

14. Asking stupid, rude and probing questions right in front of my kids.
Wanna quickly learn how fiercely I will protect the innocence of my kids? Ask any one of the aforementioned questions within earshot of my kids...

I won't turn green - but you still won't like me.

This has happened at stores, from strangers, from friends, from people who mean well (I think...) - and each time I treat it the same... SHUT IT DOWN.

My job right now - is to protect the innocence of my kids as long as I can - to not let the world creep in and steal it.

Sunday, March 29, 2015

He's been asking for one for a while - and even though I think he'd rather have gone hunting (he's been asking me about that daily) - I think we had a good time.

After a Starbucks run for cake pops and coffee - we came back home and did some Spring tune up work on the motorcycle. Unfortunately - he couldn't ride it like he wanted to - but I think he had a good time anyways...

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

We got good news the other day. 2 days ago to be exact. Really good news. Great news. It made us sad and a little confused... but super good news, nonetheless.

Those little hands up there. The ones we had prayed about and said "Okay God... we'll do this..." - well... two days ago the birth mother of those little hands came back in to her life. She took her home and has decided to give it a go.

And we couldn't be happier!

But that doesn't mean it didn't cause a little sadness too.

Laura and I talked and while we were both sad - sad because the buzz and excitement of a new Hoffman had already permeated the whole family - we were OVERWHELMED WITH JOY because THIS IS GOD'S PLAN. In a non-fallen world there would be no need for adoption.

I told Laura - who knows... maybe God wanted us to step out in faith (which trust me - this was a fiscal act of faith beyond any other for us). And maybe that step out in faith - and coming to all you prayer warriors for prayer and accountability - is exactly what was needed - an uprising of prayer that turned a birth mother back to her daughter. Her sick daughter - who needed her.

We were sad... but we are TRUSTING HIM.

And then... there's the goofball gang. Hard news to tell any kids who would be excited.

But now - consider telling two gorgeous daughters of our King who were adopted that a birth mother came back and that this is the right thing for her. I needed God to give me the words because I am incapable of crafting them when it comes to my kids - gorgeous, beautiful pieces of our family that sprung up from hard places - like redeemed roses from concrete.

How do I tell these redeemed roses that a birth mother coming back is the right thing - the best thing even - when theirs did not?

See - I needed God to do this.

And after hearing Meron tell me that her "good thing" at school was her telling the class about her sister in Ghana and getting to go with us when we traveled there - and then being bumrushed by Mebbie tonight as she explained her new venture... "Art by Mebbie" that she was launching to raise what she called "family money to bring home our girl..."

I knew tonight was the night we had to tell them this.

I prayed my whole run. It rained on me - kinda hard - which is funny cuz God knows I like to run in the rain. And it helped make the tears be indistinguishable from the rain and sweat. Cuz I prayed and cried cuz I didn't know how to have this talk.

But He did. And we talked at dinner.

There were tears. Some anger. Some confusion. Lots of hugs.

And some really deep, solid conversations with our amazing 7, 6 and 3 year olds... who are stronger than most ANYBODY i know.

Laura had some good words - and she said she feels like we are really learning what Jesus is like. And truthfully - all the pain, confusion, sorrow and joy is worth it. It's so so worth it - to know Him better.

So thank you Internet - for praying with us and for us and for this precious little girl who tonight is sleeping in a home where she belongs.

Tonight - we learned that some good news can hurt really, really bad... but ice cream always helps.