This blog is based on a real life story. It happens to be mine! What is smartcastic? It's smart, sarcastic, fantastic, bombastic and several other words that end in "astic" all smooshed into one single, perfect word.

Thursday, December 3, 2015

How to thwart a break-in if you are home

If you haven't picked up on this yet, I have a smartcastic type of humor.
So, I was thinking today about how to hold off an attacker or robber
that comes into the house (I don’t know why, I’m just weird like that).

My thoughts turned into things to say if someone
breaks in:

1 – Well, it’s about damn time you got here, this laundry
and vacuuming isn’t going to do itself!

2 – Really? You
broke my door! What’s up with that? I mean, sure, steal whatever but breaking my
door is too much. Do you have cash on
you because I sure as hell don’t have money to pay for that!

3 – Dude, you got the wrong house! Didn’t Louie give you the address? Oh, you don’t know Louie? Well, that explains it. See, you were supposed to go down Rehoboth
Blvd, turn towards Abbotts – oh, have you been there? They have the most amazing mac & cheese –
anyway, yea, go down about two or three blocks and check out the building on
the left – that is the place you want – they have the best stuff there (note:
provide directions to your local police station).

4 – Oh, hey, my phone is on the charger, can I use
yours? I need to make a really important
call. It’s private though, so I need you
to step back outside. Do you have
unlimited text? Just kidding, I’ll only
be on for a few minutes. Thanks.

5 – Where’s the freakin’ pizza? Oh, you aren’t the pizza guy? Well, I expect him to be here any minute
now. Can you leave – he gets mad when I
order from competitors. Broke my door
last week!