December 26, 2011

Finale!Survivor: South Pacific - The final duel is the most Ozzy-est of challenges: hang on a pole as long as you can. Brandon does a decent job staying up for a while but of course Ozzy prevails. So Ozzy returns to the game and becomes the prime target. Ozzy of course wins individual immunity in the form of stacking blocks like a card house. Sophie, who for some reason owns a card stacking book, throws a hissy fit for Albert to help her. Albert tries to use this as leverage as to why Sophie should be the next to go, though Rick is really the top one to go. Ozzy reveals to everyone at Tribal Council that he made a final three deal with Coach, making him livid, and then says Sophie is a brat, leading to her having a breakdown. It's silent mustached Rick whose torch is snuffed.

In the last immunity challenge, there's one of those big obstacle course jungle gym things to retrieve puzzle pieces and then assemble them. Ozzy takes the early lead and gets all his bags first, but he's a puzzle failure and Sophie wins immunity. Coach declares Sophie the new Dragon Slayer for finally taking Ozzy out. Despite reassurance from Coach that the deal is still on and begging for a fire challenge tie breaker, Ozzy is eliminated for good.

At the jury, Albert keeps pretending he was BFF with all the jury members and insists he was the puppetmaster. Sophie makes logical explanations as to what she did to stay in the game: strategy, alliances, and winning challenges. Coach feels this is his redemption story and he played with "honor and integrity" and because he keeps saying this phrase over and over, it rubs the jury the wrong way. Coach eventually admits he had to play shitty sometimes. Albert still gets the most ripping by the jury because they believe he knew Brandon was going home and Rick thinks Albert used god to get ahead. The best part of the whole jury questioning is when Sophie reveals they staged the whole Upolu "We found the idol!" moment since Sophie/Albert/Coach found it early and kept it a secret from Rick and Brandon. They jury votes and we come to the present day set and the winner of Survivor: South Pacific is.... SOPHIE!

At the reunion, Sophie gets like four minutes of airtime before Probst only speaks to the male contestants. He gives Ozzy so much credit and Ozzy wins fan favorite by a landslide margin. The worst moment of all time goes to Probst suggesting a Brandon vs Russell Battle of the Hantz season and I will tell you know if that happens, get your recaps elsewhere.

Now, most importantly, at the beginning of each season of Survivor I predict who I think will win based on questionnaires, pre-show interviews, etc. Obviously I was totally wrong with Mikayla, BUT this season we have a winner! Everyone please congratulate Phil Robinson who chose Sophie before the game started. Kudos to him because truth be told, I figured she'd be one of the first out.

Top Chef: Texas - The Quickfire is interactive this week, taking suggestions straight off of Twitter. This includes having to cook something with bacon in it (snooze), make a hash (hashtag challenge, har har puns), and use a random ingredient picked by another cheftestant. Paul is declared the winner for getting bacon, blueberry, asparagus and clams to not taste like shit. He wins $10,000 but no immunity.

The elimination challenge is to create a dish inspired by the person who taught you to cook. Here's where you get a lot of clips about their moms and grandmothers. Alleged new judge of the entire season Emeril finally returns to collect a paycheck and is joined by celebrity guest judge, Patti LaBelle. The winner of the challenge is Sarah who was inspired by the stuffed cabbage her grandparents made. The bottom three are attractive Chris, Grayson, and Heather. I figured Grayson was the shoo-in to go after making a literal copy of her inspiration dish and having horrible portions. Turns out karma's a bitch for nasty-ass Heather who is eliminated for overcooked, tough, dry meat.