Family Matters: Identifying feelings is important for everyone

Thursday

Mar 29, 2012 at 12:01 AMMar 29, 2012 at 8:23 AM

How we communicate impacts every relationship. Those who learn to identify their feelings and express themselves through words are more successful, with higher self-confidence, than those who act upon their emotions.

Diana Boggia

How we communicate impacts every relationship. Those who learn to identify their feelings and express themselves through words are more successful, with higher self-confidence, than those who act upon their emotions.

Introduce your family to a “Feelings Faces” communication board, which can be successfully used with toddlers, tweens, teens, and even your spouse. It can decrease stress and anxiety, and improve your entire family dynamics.

As adults, when we become upset, we may feel a churning in our stomachs, a lump in our throats, or a racing heartbeat. Through our experiences we have learned to identify feelings of anxiety, anticipation, fear or disappointment, and have learned how to express those identified feelings, taking charge by self-regulating. We take a breath, make a call, or self-talk to assure ourselves that we will get through the stress of the moment.

When children experience those same physical changes — the churning in their stomachs and more — they may not be able to identify the emotion that goes along with that feeling. Their anxiety can be displayed as physical aggression, true physical pain, withdrawal, or even a temper tantrum. A “Feelings Faces” communication board will expose your child to many emotions, helping him understand that we all share each of those feelings, at one time or another. Children who learn to identify, talk about and regulate their emotions are less aggressive, because they are able to verbally communicate their frustrations.

Post the “Feelings Faces” tool on your refrigerator, where everyone can see it. Purchase a special magnet for each family member. For example, Mom’s magnet might be a heart, and Dad’s might be a car. Move your magnet from face to face, expressing how you feel from moment to moment, in the presence of your child. Keep all other magnets tucked away until each family member shows an interest. If there are two parents in the home, both parents should “play” to pique your child’s interest. Do not invite your child to play, but wait until he asks to play. This could take from one day to a week, if you are continuously moving your magnet.

When your child asks what you are doing, explain that you are playing a game, showing exactly how you feel. This is the time to point to different faces, describing the emotions of those faces, and linking that emotion to a recent experience your child may have had. Ask him if he remembers the last time he felt silly or angry. Continue to move your magnet until your child asks if he can play. When that happens, pull out his special magnet and explain that there is one important rule that must be followed. Let him know that only he knows how he feels, so only he may move his magnet, and that only you know how you feel, so only you may move your magnet. Ask your child if he understands the rule, can repeat the rule, and can comply. Move your magnet several times each day, and you will be amazed at how often other magnets are moved, and how often your child will communicate his feelings.