This post would be a lot better if it was actually about George R.R. Martin’s astounding A Song of Ice and Fire, but alas, it’s not, so deal with it. There’s a solid drinking game based on the series here, or perhaps here, and several worthy suggestions here.

Now that we’ve got that business sorted, on to the purpose of the post: yesterday was Queen Elizabeth’s Diamond Jubilee, which is where the reigning British monarch is fed diamonds until she exhales a crystalline gas, which is collected, bottled, and sold to cure impotence. Also, it makes a delicious gourmet Sweet Tart.

And since The Daily Beast was kind enough to offer us a little slide show, I thought it would only be right (especially since I don’t have HBO and need some sort of monarchy/throne-based drinking game) to throw back a few sips in honor of a British old lady I’ve never met. Thus, I present:

The Daily Beast Slide Show of Queen Elizabeth’s Diamond Jubilee Drinking Game

Take 1 drink if you see Queen Elizabeth; take 2 if she’s young; 3 if she’s jubilant
Take 2 drinks if you see Prince Phillip
Take 2 drinks if she’s wearing a hat
Take 2 drinks if she’s near a motor vehicle
Finish your beer if she’s with the late Candle in the Wind
Take 1 drink if the photo is in black and white
Take 1 drink for the obligatory advertisement
Take 2 drinks if she appears to be posing for a catalog
Take 1 drink for a pet or for children
Take 1 drink if she appears to be constipated
Take 2 drinks if she’s riding around in a ridiculous gold carriage

Repeat the slide show as many times as is necessary for you to become inebriated, or for you to appreciate the monarchy.