Reel Deal: Who wants to be a superhero?

Friday

Apr 23, 2010 at 12:01 AMApr 23, 2010 at 11:19 PM

A movie based on a comic book, “Kick-Ass” ponders what it would be like if people tried to be superheroes in the real world. The flaw, of course, is that the “Kick-Ass” world isn’t the real world at all. It’s not even in the same zip code.

Robert McCune

We’ve all got heroes in our lives.

Family members and friends serving in the military; veterans who fought for freedom and country (the multitudes who died for these ideals and those who lived to tell tales). The brave men and women of our police and fire forces. A parent or guardian who sacrificed something so that we could have everything. Even a kind neighbor who can lend a helping hand in a pinch.

They’re all heroes, to us, in their own way.

But they’re not superheroes. Those costumed crimefighters and their super sidekicks are reserved for the comic books, cartoons and movies.

There are no Batmans or Supermans in real life. No Spider-Men swinging from webs through downtown Massillon.

There are good reasons for that. One reason: There aren’t a lot of supervillains either, though there are plenty of regular villains. Not a lot of Lex Luthors bent on world domination, or wisecracking, maniacal Jokers robbing banks.

Our garden-variety bad guy is just stupid, desperate or misguided. As such, our regular, everyday heroes are more than equipped to handle them in most cases. And any vigilante who’d put on a mask and roam the streets seeking out evildoers would have to be:

A) Goofing around.

B) Groveling for loose change.

C) Not all there upstairs.

D) Researching for a movie column.

That’s right … if you noticed a normally mild-mannered newspaper editor slipping into a phone booth (there’s a hint this is just a joke) and emerging as a caped avenger, it was just so I could prepare for this week’s Reel Deal review.

AT A THEATER NEAR YOU …

A movie based on a comic book, “Kick-Ass” ponders what it would be like if people tried to be superheroes in the real world.

The flaw, of course, is that the “Kick-Ass” world isn’t the real world at all. It’s not even in the same zip code.

Sure, there are no radioactive spiders that turn zeros into heroes. Nobody flies or shoots lasers out of their eyes. But there’s plenty about “Kick-Ass” that’s just as implausible – reminding us that this is just a movie. Based on a comic book.

Like when our title hero orders a scuba suit online and receives a ready-made supersuit, complete with mask and gloves.

Or when he gets beaten to within an inch of his life, on his first hero mission, only to be reconstructed better, stronger and numb to most pain.

Like when the girl who never notices him, until she mistakenly makes him her “best gay friend,” falls in love with him.

Then there’s the secret identity thing. Like Clark Kent shedding his spectacles to become Superman, when Dave Lizewski (played by Aaron Johnson) puts on his “Kick-Ass” mask or rich boy Chris D’Amico (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) covers the area immediately surrounding his eyes to become Red Mist, not even their best friends and classmates can make the connection.

And the drug kingpin villain, Frank D’Amico (Mark Strong, whose crooked teeth you should recognize from last year’s “Sherlock Holmes”), is straight out of the comics.

So, it’s not the real world.

That doesn’t mean it’s not outrageous, unbelievable, fantastical fun – which it is, mostly because of the dynamic duo of Big Daddy (Nicolas Cage) and Hit Girl (Chloe Moretz).

This father-daughter team features a jilted former cop out for vengeance and his foul-mouthed, 11-year-old trained assassin.

Until these two smash, bam, pop onto the screen with Matrix-like martial arts moves and weapons mastery, the action is mostly just pitiful and painful to watch.

They wreak havoc on D’Amico’s drug ring under a cloak of secrecy – but risk being exposed when they feel compelled, for some reason, to reach out to the young, struggling superhero at the center of this story.

In another reminder of this story’s roots, Big Daddy sketches out his vigilante plans in perfect, colorful comic panels.

And if you still have trouble separating fiction from fact, just remember: In life, there are few sequels.

ON DVD

Superheroes have infiltrated the “drama” genre.

Until recently, you’d be more likely to find caped crusaders on the action or comedy shelves of your local movie rental outlets.

But today’s directors are taking the Batmans and wannabes off the comic book page and into some dark, and serious, new territories.

New to DVD, “Defendor” takes the same concept of the high-action comedy “Kick-Ass” (now in theaters), and soaks it in drama and dark humor.

To be a superhero in real life, you’d have to be a little bit crazy.

And Arthur Poppington, played by Woody Harrelson, certainly is.

During the day, he holds a sign as part of a road construction crew. In the dark of night, he’s Defendor – that’s with an “o-r,” not an “e-r,” and he gets angry when you get it wrong.

And he’s got the mind of about a 10-year-old.

Abandoned by his prostitute mother, his disillusions were fed by his less-than-doting grandfather. Living in a street department garage, he has few friends – the most loyal being his road crew boss and his boss’s family. He has a soft spot for a young prostitute (played by Kat Dennings) who reminds him of his mother.

And his obsession is Captain Industry – a villain he created in his mind to blame for his mother’s absence in his life, and of course, all the evils of the world.

Defendor’s weapons of choice are marbles, angry wasps and a trench club – which bears the blood of many German soldiers beaten and killed by his grandfather in WWII.

He uses all of the above to generally make life hell for a crooked, filthy undercover cop (Elias Koteas) who is on the payroll of a drug and weapons importer (whom Defendor is led to believe is Captain Industry himself).

The delusional Defendor ends up wedged in the middle of an FBI sting, and a dark, ominous feeling tells you this isn’t likely to end well.

Sandra Oh plays a psychiatrist (Dr. Ellen Park) trying to peel away the layers of Arthur Poppington when he runs afoul of the law.

When his secret gets out, Defendor becomes a local sensation – heralded by newspapers and talk radio, and immortalized in graffiti across the city.

And his sympathetic shrink gets to the truth of why they, and we, love Arthur.

It’s because he’s honest and pure … and real.

And though we know it’s not likely, we want him to succeed.

We want him to be a superhero.

Because we can’t be.

TRAILER TIME

There are superheroes and supercops.

And then there’s “The Other Guys.”

The hapless, bumbling do-gooders played by Mark Wahlberg and Will Ferrell appear in stark contrast to the other stars of this film (Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and Samuel Jackson) directed by Adam McCay (“Step Brothers,” Talladega Nights,” “Anchorman”).