> There's a fine line though, as "fear of failure" may be likewise a "longing for acceptance?.

There are fine lines in a lot of things. But when you fear the fine line rather than the two extremes on either side, you generally end up doing nothing. Rather than trying to to stay away from the fine line, stay away from the extremes.

> Other times, as you know, a parent will side with the kid and make the teacher the bad guy. This can happen for various reasons. The parent doesn't believe in school the institution. Or the parent just has a person beef with teacher X, thinks X is inept for whatever reason.

That is another valuable strategy from the past. Allow the teacher to assume your role when your child is in their care. This used to be more prevalent in institutions like public school and in society in general. A given. Not any more. A combination of endless litigation, scared administrators, and teachers overwhelmed with social issues has made this only an option that the parent (not the child) must earn. This is why it is especially important to be involved with your child?s teachers so that they know which side you are on. To give them power of attorney to treat your child as if they were their child.

And all kids are different and you certainly must be agile enough to deal with that as well. But almost all of them benefit from pushing and this is the age they are most pushable. Make the most of it.