But, lo, from the wilderness, a hero, a Senator stepping it to wrong a right, to make a difference. A man who will charge forward, without equivocation, in a clear, plain-spoken, principled stand against corporate greed. A man who can Get It Done. A man ... aww .... him?

"I am opposed to anything that deprives people of reasonable choices," Kerry said in a statement. "In this day and age, consumers should have more choices — not fewer. I'd like to know how this serves the public — a deal that will force fans to subscribe to DirecTV in order to tune in to their favorite players. A Red Sox fan ought to be able to watch their team without having to switch to DirecTV."

Thank you, Sen. Kerry, seriously, we appreciate it ... but, uh, anybody else over there who could maybe help?