TSA Thinks the World’s Largest Schlong is a Terrorist Threat

If you think you have a hard time getting through airport security, wait until you try getting through it packing the world’s largest pecker – because that is exactly what happened to Jonah Falcon.

On July 9th, Falcon became a part of a TSA circus sideshow that took place at the San Francisco International Airport when security guards spotted a suspicious “terrorist sized bulge” protruding from the crotch of his pants.

However, the only kind of terrorist activity that this 41-year-old New Yorker is guilty of is making every other guy in the world feel inferior thanks to his 9-inch limp dip stick – 13.5 inches fully erect!

“I had my ‘stuff’ strapped to the left. I wasn’t erect at the time,” said Falcon. “One of the guards asked if my pockets were empty and I said, ‘Yes.’ Another guard stopped me and asked me if I had some sort of growth.”

Not a growth – a freaking horse schlong!

When Jonah was 18 years old, he realized he had an exceptional wiener because his twig had far exceeded the berries – stretching out to 12 inches fully cocked. And while the Guinness Book of World Records does not have a category for the super naturally endowed, his long-dong was deemed the supreme leader of pocket rockets after being featured in a 1999 HBO documentary. Sounds more like it should have been on Cinemax.

Falcon claims that while TSA further investigated his dongosaurus, that not only did one guard slide his hand down the entire length of his shaft, but that they actually put some type of powder on his pants as a means for testing for explosives. Now that is one bomb we would not want to see go off.

Although Falcon did manage to get through airport security without missing his flight back to New York, we are still not sure how he managed to board the airline without being forced to pay for an additional piece of carry on luggage.