This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:

patronus_charm says:Hi, it's patronus_charm with your review, I'm glad that you put the translation of ad venenum, as my years worth of Latin couldn't help me out!

I really liked how you put the time and date at the beginning of each scene, as it really helped me get a perspective of the time frames as often, I got confused over how much time passed so that was good. And as it's a murder/crime story, it fits well as well, as it's almost as if it's the auror documentation of what happened when!

I loved your description, it was so detailed so you really got an idea of the scene around you, I mean you made the snow interesting to read, and I've definitely never seen that happen before!

I thought it was really interesting with what you did with Lavender, she always seemed a bit mentally unstable in the books, due to her obsession with Ron, so it was great to see how you've developed it here, with her knowing Ron's daily timetable, and her bitterness towards Hermione. Also the way you made her suspicious of everyone was great, and makes me think she needs to be in a locked room in St. Mungo's!

The way everyone knew in Knockturn Alley what Lavender needed, perfectly fitted with the creepy atmosphere it has, and poisoned candles! I've never heard of that before, it reminds of the poisoned apples in Snow White, I guess when they are both trying to kill of the one they love and envy, and also the way death's disguised in something you wouldn't usually associate it with.

It flowed really well, even though I didn't initally expect it to, as I thought the time/date would be obtrusive, but it wasn't a problem at all:)

Overall I thought it was a great story, as I've never really read one where Lavender is so mentally unstable, but I found it really believable as it showed what can happen if you love someone too much! The only thing I would say to improve it, would be to write a sequel so I now what happens afterwards, but that's just me wanting to know if Lavender gets caught or not! Other than I really enjoyed this, and best of luck for the challenge, Kiana :')

Author's Response: I don't know what made me decide to put the times at the beginning of each new section of this one-shot, other than that it was something I'd never done before. :) With most of the one-shots I write (excepting, somehow, the ones I write as gifts), I try and do something different, to test out a bunch of different techniques of writing. It's been really awesome, and if you've never done it before, it's something I recommend!

I think it's so awesome you liked my description, too. :) I'm trying to get -- not better, but more... I'm working on my description, let's put it that way! I'm tired of describing things in the same old way. I agree with you too that Lavender seemed quite unstable in HBP at least, because of her obsession with Ron. And her poisonous candles are actually canon! The next time you read CoS, you should watch for them. ;)

Thank you for saying this flowed really well! Always a worthy thing to have achieved, I think. ♥ And you know, I just might have to write a sequel someday. I wrote two stories about psycho!Harry, and mental instability is something I keep wanting to return to. Thank you for your input, and, of course, for leaving such a lovely review on this story!!