2. Said birthday party was sponsored by SET Magazine. (That's Sports & Entertainment Today, as if you didn't know, a new periodical which "will offer an in-depth look behind the scenes of famous athletes and celebrities; showcasing their families, vacations, lifestyle and give a bird's eye view of multi-millionaire celebrity lifestyle.")

3. Said magazine's Web site doesn't yet offer any images from this party, but it does have a weird video of Antawn Jamison and his wife petting and kissing each other during a photo shoot. (See below.) And it also features a three-picture photo gallery of Clinton Portis during what is purportedly a vacation in the Bahamas.

4. Said gallery made me realize that, in a profession where many workers seem to delight in getting as naked as possible in front of the media, Portis is always clothed. Further, that he often seems to have long-sleeved shirts on, which completely cover up all his tattoos. Like, I never realized that he had that feline creature on his left arm. Or possibly that owl. Can't really tell.

5. Said realization sent me running for more info to the Archives, where I discovered this passage from a 2005 profile in Muscle & Fitness:

Portis who, despite possessing a body most men can only dream about having, isn't fond of showing it off. "MUSCLE & FITNESS magazine?" he asks, his voice showing an almost imperceptible tremor. "I hope I ain't gotta take my shirt off."

Why he doesn't like taking his shirt off is never explained. But I'm sure curious.

6. Said story led me to a 2003 Portis profile by Lynn DeBruin in the Rocky Mountain News, which begins like this:

The tattoo grabs one's attention much like the gaudy statistics Clinton Portis has put up in recent weeks.

But those who know the Denver Broncos' star running back weren't surprised to see a second set of eyes, in indelible ink, staring out from between his broad shoulders.

"Now, he says, no one can sneak up on him," position coach Bobby Turner said of the unique tattoo.

Fascinating. So while I still don't know exactly what sorts of hors d'oeuvres were served at the Portis/Taylor bash, I at least learned that never has a man gone to such great lengths to blatantly disregard Satchel Paige's advice.