Saturday, 28 June 2008

Space and Time

The seagulls followed us home. I watch in the playground as they skid overhead yelping and flapping. Then they are gone. I wonder why they were here, where they are going.

My daughter slams into me and hugs my legs, her face pressed sideways and arms spread wide. I try to enjoy these moments. I know you must. But still time leaches through me. As I hug her in return I can feel it escaping between my arms.

I have a new feeling now, in the playground. I stand watching my daughter as she jumps up and down climbing frames, remembering the early faltering steps, the clutching at the handrail, the worried looks back. Then I would loiter nearby, ready to catch her if she fell, now I hardly need to pay attention.

My daughter sees me looking upwards and follows my gaze.

“Can birds touch the sky daddy?”

Her questions have become more tricky. She throws queries out and expects a neatly packaged response. It takes more knowledge than I have to do it properly. People write books on these sorts of things. I tell her something about air and wings.

I pretend and she whirls around the playground in her fairy world. A little girl about eighteen months old stands watching her in fascination, the way my daughter used to look at the older girls. My daughter skips around her, stops, smiles and moves on. When we leave the playground I say to her

“That little girl is the same age as you were when I started looking after you. What do you think about that?”

49 comments:

Time plays some funny tricks on us. My daughter is five now. It doesn't seem that long ago when she was tiny and I started looking after her. Come to think of it, it doesn't seem that long ago that I was single; the last seven years have flown by.

oh it's horrid to think that they're growing up. I try to savour every moment, but sometimes I'm too frazzled (or sozzled)fully appreciate. Then some older, wiser person will tell me all about what it's like when they don't roll home until 3am, and I realise I should be paying more attention now.

Top tip: always refer tricky questions to your other half, 'ah, now that's a question for Daddy...' always works a treat.

So good to have you back SAHD, for a while there I thought Elsie B had taken over your blog. Shocking behaviour.Pigx

blimey, children ask the most amazing questions, don't they. What exactly did you say to her about air and wings?! I am going to be rubbish at answering such questions, and will send Betty to her dad for an answer. I remember when i used to teach, a little girl asked me a question about where fairies lived and i gave her such an elaborate and wild answer that it got back to the head, and i got a telling off!

What ho! SAHD. Nice post (and what a lot of friends you have!). Anyway, enough of this airy parsiflage - I see from your profile that you claim to be 'strangely obsessed' with G&S. Strange is the word. I prescribe a hearty dose of Palestrina - starting with the Missa Papae Marcelli, on a loop if necessary. That should cure you.

Good to have you back. Your post as many before seems laden with melancholy, great image as usual though.Now on to business as I'm about to have no career having sold The shop, what about this Handbook, perhaps we could pitch an idea to one of these publisher types. How about "The Answer Book for Dads"?

SAHD, you've hit an interesting point. The evolution of parental responsibilities at the playground is very subtle, moving from hovering next to your charge watching every move to eventually sitting on the bench, reading a paper wondering how quickly one can say "time to go"

Good to read you again and hear more re this daughter of yours. She's growing up fast and it's great to see! Enjoy it all, including the happiness of moving on..to new exciting things. Memories will keep if well stored and can always be reached if needed.

I just want to say that we appreciate that you bring a fresh, new style to blog writing! Congratulations on such a nicely developed narrative and in sharing those special moments. We included your blog in wrap of of stay-at-home dad blogs at m80parents.blogspot.com

hi SAHD! lovely to read about your thoughts and adventures again. "Take a moment" with your little girl... soon the hormones will kick in and she'll be someone completely different. They "come back" at around age 24. You sound sad, though. Hope everything's okay. x

I think at-home dads rock! I was quite the daddy's girl growing up too and think it's so sweet how your little girl has such a great bond with you. I love your blog! Oh, and since you are an at-home dad I thought you might like to check out the short documentary on my blog about other at-home dads in San Francisco.

Snooping around the edges of Blogland on this grim day. Lovely posts as always SAHD, but the small boy who used to hold my hand as we watched the waves is now living in your new neck of the woods. He was probably surfing at Baggy Point. Tempus fugit...

At last I've found a new blog to enjoy. I've been around quite a few this morning. I seem to have come across a lot of 'Mummy' blogs but they all seem like strong minded and politically savvy warrior women rather than 'Moms' (nothing wrong with that of course) and all bang on about Obama and his battles for presidency! How refreshing to find a Dad. Thanks Scribble

Hi again SAHD,I've so enjoyed reading through your archives and am sorry I have come to the final post. I noticed there are quite a lot of gaps, weeks without posts and that you write less these days. Are you working on anything else? I think the descriptive element in your writing is excellent and very readable. I see no reason why you couldn't turn these posts into a book about a stay at home dad. There's a lot you have not written about such as how your wife fits in and how she feels and reacts to the situation. The whole SAHD thing is interesting as it is a *relatively* knew thing. Keep writing here though, I look forward to your next post!! Thanks for a very enjoyable blog. Scribble.

Hi SAHD, missing you and your wonderful writing. Hope all's well with you and daughter, and looking forward to another good read whenever you post again. I agree with previous comments about book, I think it would be bestseller like WITN, mimi