Clearly keeping up with a blog is not my cup of tea. Whatever. I write today out of frustration and since I have no friends that I see regularly enough that I can vent, an open letter to the internet/universe is the only thing, short of a killing spree, that’ll make me feel better.

I have been sending Erich random dogs that I find on Petfinder.com for probably the last 2 and a half years. In May, he finally caved and we filled out an application through and Australian Shepherd rescue to adopt a dog named Banjo who would have been perfect for us. We got approved to be adopters, but another family was already interested in the same dog, and they got first dibs. Unfortunately for us, they adopted him and we had to wait for the next suitable dog.

Since then, we have enquired about 5 other dogs, with no luck. They’ve either gotten adopted before we can set up a meeting, or the foster home never returns our email about setting up a visit.

The lack of emails is the most frustrating part. In an attempt to cast a wider net, we contacted a separate Aussie rescue. Initially I got responses and was asked that I have our original application forwarded to them, and since then, nothing. I waited 10 days and asked for confirmation that they received it, no response. And that was 2 weeks ago. So basically a month went by since my initial email. Two months since we first applied. AND WE STILL DON’T HAVE A DOG.

Needless to say. I’m pretty pissed. I even went to the Humane Society to look at a dog I was interested in, but that one was already adopted too. I must be a fuckin good luck charm for dogs that need homes.

It has been such a let down. To go from being excited that we were approved to having every single dog we’re interested in slip through our fingers. It has been so hard to be patient, and to see everyone else getting dogs except us. I feel very childish, but I just want to stomp my feet and scream NO FAIR, ME FIRST!

I know the right dog is out there, I just have to make sure I get it before someone else does. Again.

Judging from my last post, I’ve learned nothing and accomplished nothing. I did not spend the winter training for racing. I just took a hiatus from bikes instead.

Maybe it’s better that way. The past year has been kind of rough. Things seemed initially promising. I had a job at a lab I was initially excited about, bought a commuter bike to commute through the winter, bought a car, bought a pony. I thought I was doing pretty okay. But things at the lab got sour, and I wasn’t excited about my job anymore. My car suffered a catastrophic breakdown 5 months after I bought it (and has yet to be fixed). And even after putting up with all the lab’s bullshit and working my ass off, I got laid off in August since the lab was in such “financial duress” – which is funny because that didn’t seem to affect their ability to repaint their offices, buy new desks, and buy iPads. Fuck ’em.

So then I was unemployed, had no car, had no extra money because I loaned it to my sister like an IDIOT, and the foolish expense of a horse to live with. I am just so good at life.

I now have a new job as of about 3 weeks ago, and so far so good. Except I won’t get a paycheck until November 1st. I’m hesitant to like it, and I don’t think it’s going to be a long-term job. But, they were the first ones to ask for an interview and offer me a job. It wasn’t until after I accepted that 3 other jobs finally responded to my applications. Early bird gets the worm I guess.

It’s hard to come out of such despair. I just keep mulling over all the ways I’ve been fucked over and just letting it all compound itself. Going back to just waiting for the next shitty thing to happen. Not the best way to have a positive outlook, but that’s the sneaky hate spiral for ya.

Despite my utter lack of any training or fitness whatsoever, I will be racing Iceman again this year. Mostly because I already paid for it. It can’t be nearly as embarrassing as the rest of my life.

Oh hai. Surprisingly, I still know how to write, although the lack of posts would indicate otherwise.

So. Anyway. Umm…Iceman. It wasn’t as nice as last year. But then again, 60’s in November is a little much to ask for the upper Midwest. It snowed. You know, like it’s supposed to.

I literally had not raced since Subaru Cup. I was not optimistic about what my results would be (provided I could not finish above DFL to save my soul in all the WORS races). All I could hope for is that my “training” (AKA commuting to work totaling no more than 6 miles each way) would assist me in my endeavors. If I had a Magic 8 Ball, it could only say “outlook not good” but that’s only because “No you stupid bitch are you a fucking idiot?!?” isn’t a standard option on those things. Even though it probably should be, but it’s too polite. Jerk.

So I find myself in Traverse City, MI. We pre-ride in the sleet/freezing rain/whatever it was that the weather decided to do at the time. I already had chip off a layer of ice that had accumulated on my bike from the drive up. Clearly this was not a good omen. Me = unexcited to race. But I rode anyway.

We put in a whopping 6 miles (3 out and back) which was obviously manageable on account of my training regime. Come race day, it would prove otherwise. Whatever. As soon as we were done riding, it was time to hit up the expo, which means shopping :) I basically got a pair of windproof winter cycling tights for free. Which of course was super awesome as I have committed myself to commuting all winter on a newly purchased fixie that I have yet to kill myself on – clearly a separate post for later.

Race day. It was cold. My wave went off at 9:55, which was early-ish, but thanks to the new wave-start system, I was not in the same group as the Pro’s ::Thank God:: I was merely in the 19-24 age group, which had a whopping 23 riders registered. I would be happy to make top 20, but not surprised if I didn’t. I got to the start a little bit later than I wanted and ended up in the back right corner of the wave. Primo. I had worked my way up to about mid-pack before we got into the woods but I had trouble picking a good wheel to follow and having the will-power to keep up with the wheel I picked. Oh. And the whole 6 mile limit on my normal rides. My legs were very confused when I kept going beyond mile 7. After the confusion wore off, they were downright pissed. Little did they know that this was a 27 mile race. Little did I know, they had changed the route a bit, and it was actually 30 miles. Le Damn.

Despite the obvious. I was okay. I dropped my chain. Twice. Both times were at the base of a climb, which eliminated the possibility of slingshoting myself up the hills. The closer you get to the finish, the hillier it gets, the more you wish you had stayed home. “Just finish. Just finish. Just finish. Goddammit Motherfucker this is a fucking race! Man the fuck up”

Due to my wave, I did not have anyone in my age group in my particular wave, and only 10 women total in the group. I had no way to gauge where I was or how I would finish. I just assumed it would be closer to last, middle of the group at best. I finished. Changed. Washed my face. Got a beer and a brat. As soon as I felt human again, I moseyed over to the results board. Only 6 names were listed for my age group, and I was 4th. Promising, but 2/3rds of those registered had yet to finish, my placing could easily drop with any update. I watched the Pros finish and checked again out of curiosity. My guess is that I’d dropped to 15th. I was surprised, relieved, and a little bit impressed that I was still 4th. And then I was pissed when I looked at the times and saw that I missed the podium by 30 seconds. If only…[this, that, or another thing]…stupid chain.

It was over. I finished, not last, better than expected. Good day. And now it was time for margaritas at Red Mesa – the real reason for the trip. YES! Then the off-season; chock full of trainer rides, weight lifting, and yoga. AND MARGARITAS!

I coulda gotten 13th if I raced Alterra. Only because there were only 12 ladies racing. I still would have been like an hour back.

I really want to race Treadfest, but I’m not really sure that’s a good idea. I LOVED that race last year, and it was my first race that I felt super dialed in and it was MY race from start to finish. If I go back and race it without doing any riding, I’m afraid it’ll just ruin it for me. This season’s already been a wash for me, so I’m not really sure why I give a shit. But $36 to more or less ride my bike and be demoralized doing it just isn’t that appealing.

My lab job neglected to put in a request for a permanent position before my student classification ran out, so it looks like I’ll be out of a job until the department finally posts it, or my special student application get processed so I can keep my job (and be paid as a student) until they do. Basically, it’s FUCKED UP. I’m trying not let it get to me, but it’s hard not to be pissed about it. I spend so much energy at work trying to just do my job and not let it affect my performance/morale that by the time I get home I am just so pissed off at the world I have no motivation to do anything else except fester in my anger. I’d go to CamRock or something to ride my mtb, but my car started making a new weird noise, which is probably a prelude to the self-destruct sequence. So, basically I need a new car with the money that I won’t be making and can’t apply for a loan because I don’t have the salaried position that I should have had months ago. Looks like I’m in the market for another $400 car.

Soo…vacation. That was a while ago. Wanted to ride, but it rained a butt ton that Thursday and ruined our mountain bike plans (which also ruined the Alterra race). Unfortunately, there was also no rollercoasters or go-karts during vacation either. The rest of the weekend consisted of trolling around on our commuters splitting our time between State Street and the Terrace. We did manage a road ride at some point, made up a route between Lake Kegonsa and Oregon. Lots of marshy areas, and a nice change from doing Paoli all the time.

The next few weeks are pretty much a blur. At some point we rode at Quarry Ridge, and it was so washed out it was just frustrating to try and make that climb. I also felt like I was flopping around like a fish on the trail. Not encouraging. Then a short day at CamRock that was cut short by a flat tire and lack of remaining sunlight. Eventually we made it out for a group ride at the Kettles with Geo and Tyler and I was feeling a lot better. Then I took a corner too fast, with my weight too far forward and totally OTB’d. Had to palm my bike away from my head and everything. I thought I had just a little scrape, but I ended up with a pretty wicked bruise on the outside of my knee.

Side note: I’m currently watching Predator on TV, and I’m not really sure why I like these movies when I was a kid. Total Recall was better, but I seriously had some unnatural draw towards Schwarzenegger movies.

Anyway, I’ve been a little loopy lately. Must be lack of sleep. Over the last month I think there were 3 days that I *only* worked an 8 hour shift. Between the two jobs, it’s been 10-16 hour days. Even worse is that I’ve been in the process of moving as well. When I finally get to bed, I don’t sleep very well because my back hurts. So in the unlikely event that I have some free time, the last thing I feel like doing is riding my bike. I just sit around, try to shut my brain off, and hope to god I’m a functioning human being in the morning. I’ve been so wrapped up in work at the lab that I honestly have a hard time remembering things that are outside of work. I’m pretty sure Erich told me 3 or 4 times when he was working this week and I could not retain that for more than 8 minutes to save my soul. Oh, and we also saw “The Other Guys” and I have to say I really appreciate Mark Wahlberg in a comedic role. I wanted to see “Inception” and “The Girl Who Played With Fire” but I fear that I lack the mental capacity to follow anything with half a plot right now. The Other Guys was a good choice.

Ooo! Now Aliens is on! The movie I used to reference my level of stomach pain when I was little. No joke.

I’ve got some vacation time coming up so I’ll have an extended weekend. Racing Alterra might have to take a back seat to A) moving stuff out of my apartment B) doing some much needed clothes shopping C) go-karts and/or rollercoasters D) riding my bike for fun E) some road-trip to some yet to be determined location, or F) nothing.

I kind of already did option F this past weekend. Saturday I went to the Farmer’s Market/Maxwell Street Days, met up with Dallas for a birthday dinner, and then fell asleep while deliberating on whether or not to go out for drinks. Sunday I went out for breakfast at Marigold and then did nothing but sit next to the A/C and shop online all day.

I’ve been able to commute more to work now that the rain has let up for a bit and got in 2 short road rides, but I haven’t touched my mountain bike since Subaru Cup. The seat is still lowered from what I thought was going to be a LeMans start for the SuperD – seriously. Maybe I’ll take a roadtrip to Levis and see what that’s all about. Poor White Devil…so neglected.

Well, I don’t really know what to say about Subaru Cup. We tried camping, but that was a bust. I felt sucky while on the course, but in hindsight, it was fun. I guess. I don’t really know anymore. Even without the Comp guys, I still couldn’t get a good rhythm going. I love the course, but I just could not attack it like I wanted to. I nailed the firelane every time, but the switchbacks before it just killed me. Is it sad that I was hoping I didn’t make the cutoff time? I rode my second lap like it was my last one cuz I figured I was a guaranteed to miss the cutoff time. As slow as I was, I still didn’t get pulled and did a third lap – which I rode like a recovery lap. I wasn’t tired, or at least, not as tired as I should have been if I had been pushing myself. I just can’t seem to make my legs pedal any faster. All I can do is just chug along. After the race, we abandoned the tent idea and booked a room in Wautoma. Sunday morning I slept passed 8am for the first time in a long time. Still wasn’t ready for Short Track (never will be – hate the idea) but was looking forward to the Super D. As to be expected, I got pulled from Short Track pretty early on. Which is okay I guess. I didn’t really want to suffer that much. The Super D was a lot longer than I expected it to be, I’m glad I pre-rode it this year. I had lowered my seat post in anticipation of the LeMans start, but then it was just a line start anyway. Whoops. I did okay – got not last, so that was a nice change of pace. Thought I would have done better, but I just died on the open sections at the end. Apart from the end, it was really fun. I wish more WORS races had a Super D, but I guess I’ll just have to wait until next year. Or start doing downhill races :)