But have a lil’ sympathy for this eBay merchant, he’s really been put through the ringer by all the looky-loos…

Sorry folks but I have to say the following: If you don’t know what this is PLEASE research it on your own. I am not taking informational questions. I spent a lot of time explaining to folks what a “sidecar” is.

If you don’t understand what a 32 x 8 x 2 configuration is and that there is no master fader section since it is a SIDECAR,,,, PLEASE don’t ask. This means that you are not a professional and not qualified to buy or use this console. Sorry I don’t mean to be rude but a lot of you just assume that I am here to educate you. I just don’t have the time.

Clearly he doesn’t want just anyone’s money, he only wants the cash from those who know their SIDECAR from a mixing board. If you don’t know, then for the love of God, PLEASE don’t ask, okay?

If you don’t understand that this is a 300 pound configuration and have no experience shipping or picking up expensive electronics PLEASE don’t ask. This is a freight item only ($1500-$1800 within the U.S. and $4800 to the U.K. by a qualified and insured outfit like Rockit Cargo).

You got that? PLEASE don’t ask. If you don’t already know what A FREAKING SIDECAR IS, dude, then you probably wouldn’t want to buy one now, would you?

But just when you’re thinking, “Yeah, so this guy sounds like a bit of a control freak. He might have some unresolved anger management issues, too. And yes, he does seem a lot like a Seinfeld character… but why should I care about this if I don’t even know what a sidecar is myself?”

“Shut up your face, asshole! You don’t even know what a sidecar IS and you’re going to spend $40K on one? PLEASE stop wasting my time!”

It’s because in the very next paragraph of the listing, our hilariously aggressive friend here has decided to publicly call out none other than Kevin Shields of My Bloody Valentine fame—and a man who surely knows a sidecar from some other studio audio board doo-dad—who he claims weaseled his way out of a previous transaction:

If you intend to buy the console with the buy it now then STICK ME with the freight like a complete jerk moron by the name of (kevin shields from bloody valentine) did last year in England , definitely DO NOT ASK and DO NOT BUY IT NOW without understanding that there is FREIGHT to be added. Tha moron tried to pull a fast one on paypal claiming he expected free shipping. You need to pick this up in person or arrange for freight and pickup on your own.

The seller, a guy named Lee actually leaves his cellphone on this wonderful bit of rock snob comedy gold eBay listing. I feel like calling him and innocently asking what’s a sidecar? And what’s the deal with shipping? Does he pick that up as part of the “buy it now” price? There’s free shipping or what?
Thank you Tyler!