Lap Dancing for Unemployed Men in Masks

This week's episode opens with a house warming for the remaining masked men and Hayley. Unlike other dating shows all the participants stay in the same house. The men in masks waste no time in getting drunk and it soon turns into a typical frat party. The guys decide to go in the pool and are very excited to see Hayley in her bathing suit.

First guy in the pool, Michael Red, screams "my nipples are hard!" ok, well we needed to know that one, because other things aren't? They are all drinking and talking to Hayley for a few minutes when Chris Green asks Hayley to come back inside for a drink. This does not go over well for the other men who are left alone in the hot tub with drinks and hard nipples and just each other. One complains he hardly got to see Hayley in her bathing suit. I am guessing they will start doing chicken fights, wrestling and drinking games in her absence but we will see.

Commandeering Chris

Chris Green our motivational speaker spends some alone time with Hayley talking. He tries to be oh so smooth but ends up being about as subliminal as well, subliminal man from Saturday Night Live. Hayley had a sudden urge to cluck like a chicken everytime someone uttered the word ďprismĒ but she wasnít that captivated with Chris Green. I guess heíll need to study up in his book on hypnosis a little more before that part of his lounge act is perfected. His Hayley take over did not go well with Will Silver the millionaire and he comes riding in (still dripping wet from the pool) to take Hayley away from snakeoil salesman Chris Green.

Hi Ho Will Silver, Chris Green Goes Away

Will is all set to confront Chris Green on his tactics and strategy and he tells Hayley this. He also comes on a little strong to Hayley about her going to spend one-on-one time with Chris Green. While this is going on Chris is up stairs lurking behind the stair railing to see how Hayley will interact with the other guys. Chris thinks this is again a subliminal move because he is hiding behind stair railing where no one can see him and it will help him in the race for Hayley's hand. Unfortunately, Chris learned everything he knows about eves-dropping from watching As the World Turns and Hayley spots him spying on her and thinks it is either 1.) creepy because Chris is a stalker, or 2.) sweet that heís so devoted, but Iím voting for creepy. Thankfully the night ends without a whole lot more drama.

Sailing

The next day is a date with all the men and Hayley on a sail boat. It was pretty fun to watch the men parade down the dock in their sailing shorts and colored masks. As they marched in a row it finally dawned on me what those masks remind me of, the rock-em-sock-em robot heads! Anyway, each man takes a little time with Hayley on the boat. Joe Lt Blue spends his time apologizing for getting drunk yes, each dating show has a drunk, then starts to talk about his soul mate. I got a little lost here as Joe explains that he doesn't believe each person has just one specific soul mate. Itís pretty obvious for reality TV addicts like me that Joeís soul mate is Amber from The Bachelor 3, as who would better relate to Joe than the last person to get embarrassingly drunk on a reality TV dating show. Hayley isnít Amber, so there must be more than one soul-mate for Joe. So you have souls-mates? After his time with Hayley he keeps trying to explain his soul mate theory to one of the guys and even goes so far as to say that hey a guy could be his soul mate, well even with the mask on you could see the other guys eye brows raise! Poor Joe I think he spent the rest of the excursion walking around muttering about souls and mates and his long lost soul mate. Yes, you guessed it foreshadowing at its best!

Stan Lt Green

Stan our software salesman also spent some one-on-one time with Hayley on the boat and Hayley showed that she pretty much calls Ďem as she sees Ďem. She asked Stan why he was so goofy, told him she wasn't really feeling him and well all but looked into the camera and said he's gone!

At the end of the day Hayley says she wanted more from the guys and she was disappointed in the date. Wonder what she wanted? I am thinking that at this point the guys might have pulled a mutiny and thrown her over board, or else made her walk the plank. Iím sure at least one these guys would have supplied the lumber after seeing Hayley in her skimpy bikini.

Kamana wana' lei ya

The evening gets started back at the house with a luau' and Hayley wonders if the guys will act like boys again and get drunk and rowdy or behave. Ok, since we now have a foreshadowing icon waving at the bottom of the screen what do you think? First, the party seems to be going great, people are eating, dancing, there are hula girls and limbo games. Then the drama starts, Stan lt green calls everyone to attention and says he has something to say, well bla bla bla, I am guessing Hayley telling him he is goofy and she wasn't feeling him sort of instigated his action and he pulls off his mask and says his good byes. Hayley sniffs that he sort of ruined a good party and he looked like she expected with his odd personality.

At this point Hayley also notices that a few of the guys are really having a good time with the hot hula dancers. They are talking laughing and well she is being ignored. I wonder what FOX was thinking to bring in a bunch of really hot girls in skimpy clothes to a party where there are a bunch of horny drunk guys. Surely they didn't intend to stir up a hornets nest. Iíd reserve something like that for the network that brought us Temptation Island. Wait, thatís a FOX show. Ok, then, carry on madcap masked men.

Hayley decides she just has to get out of there for awhile and she invites Mr. nice guy Michael Red to go to the dark room with her.

Boys will be Boys

Now while the cats away these rats decide to play. Soon after Hayley makes her exit the party shifts into a different gear. Pete Bronze our unemployed suitor is treated to a lap dance by one of the hula hotties and being unemployed he didn't even have to give out dollar bills. Brian Blue is also jumping out of the frying pan into the fire with another of the hula honeys and thinks he just might give her a tour of the mansion. Brian and Miss Hawaiian go upstairs to his room and he explains in voice over that he needs a breather and knows he can get some space in the bathroom. Well, that would be because it's the most spacious room in the house? And of course the only room that can accommodate two people adequately, WITHOUT CAMERAS!!! Of course the camera men follow the twosome up to the door of the bathroom. As they are entering the bathroom I notice that his shirt matches his mask and I think about the other guys and sure enough each man's aloha shirt is the same color as his mask, so I am of course wondering if they have colored condoms too!

We hear and see subtitles as Brian takes off his mask. The girl behind the door exclaims "well look at you" and I am thinking having seen Brian that she is wishing she hadn't seen him! A conversation goes on between the two where the girl doesn't think that Hayley is all that hot and that she is a lot better yada yada yada, and she goes on to show him just how much better. Now, FOX has become somewhat notorious for out of camera sound effects and subtitles and they go something like this ziiiiiip, mmmmmmmm and well we didn't get the slurping subtitles from Joe Millionaireís walk in the woods with Sarah, but we really didn't need them as we could definitely hear them. I wonder what Brian would have done if Miss Grass Skirt had said the well look at you, after the zipper pull!

Outside the door Will Silver is hunkered down peeking in the key hole shaking his masked head then trying to look under the door. He walks away and sort of makes up his bed, he doesn't want them to do anything where he sleeps. I am sure that two people who are willing to be on TV doing what ever they were doing are going to let a made up bed stop them, good try Will!

After Brian Blue and hula babe emerge from the bathroom we get an interview with her and she says nothing happened in there nothing at all. They just talked. Obviously the interviewer asks her a question and she says " did I __________ him?" Oh, don't worry your re-capper can lip read! You can insert the word blow in the blank. Well, her response was ďthat is between me and him. ď Yes, I would imagine it was! Itís safe to assume that Mr. Blue Mask, or rather, Mr. Blew Mask, did not return from the filming with blue balls.

Afraid of the Dark

Hayley and Michael Red are in the dark room getting acquainted. Michael gets to take off his mask and Hayley must put on a blind fold. Wonder why they didn't just have her put on a mask, or his mask, or no mask, it was dark in there. Perhaps it was a safety precaution for Hayley in case any light escaped into this room, as Iím sure the glare off poor Michaelís balding head would have blinded her. The viewers are treated to night vision and well, which in this case was not necessary as there was absolutely nothing to see. It was a room with a couch in it and Hayley and Michael sat and talked. Hayley says it was so dark in there and she was so close to him she could literally smell the latex! Ok, this is way to easy, do I make the joke? Smell the latex, smell the latex didn't he take off his mask? She felt his face and then he mumbled on and on about how he is the man as should make the first move. Alas, he was not man enough, and she quickly grew tired of groping his balding head and they left, both disappointed that nothing developed in the dark room.

Fit for a Princess

The next morning Hayley is treated to breakfast prepared by Peyton Orange. He included a cute little note and the other guys think it is a little sappy. We are then shown a view of the house post party and the guys as they are waking up. Chris Green explains that he is considering Hayley his girlfriend until further notice and is acting accordingly. Brian Blue explains he was more attracted to the hula girl and it was more exciting than any hand holding he had done thus far with Hayley.

Expose'

After breakfast Monica, finally appears this episode and in her best, girlfriend this is a huge scandal and you won't believe this, voice she insists Hayley must come with her to see something. From this point I absolutely don't know which way to take this. First Monica explains that they have a video of the guys at the party while Hayley was out of the room. Monica is almost giddy as she is explaining and she keeps insisting Hayley has to see this she won't believe it. The video is cued up and Hayley watches Pete Bronze get his lap dance then she watches the whole extra-curricular activity of Brian Blue. Her eyes get wide, and then they turn to slits when Ms. Tropicana says she isn't all that great and shows Brian why she is better. Meanwhile, Monica is just squirming all over the couch hiding behind her hand in horror.

Ok, at first I am thinking Monica is having flash-backs of prior White House antics. Which I am sure you are thinking too it's only obvious. Then I realize that this IS reality TV, THIS is why we watch it. This is why the whole Monica/President Clinton scandal was so amazing. It was also a form of reality TV, only Monica was a player in that show and now she is for the first time getting a taste of what we entertainment had in viewing her. I would even bet that some high up White House person somewhere said to some other person in a similar position "hey you have to come in here and see this video of the oval office the other night", " you won't believe what was going on while Hillary was in the other room". Monica was so animated about the whole scene and it seemed to appall her thoroughly that is was almost hard to watch. Oh to be able to read her mind at that moment.

Woman Scorned

Hayley was furious over the boysí actions and seeks them out one at a time to see what they have to say for themselves. Pete Bronze says oh it was innocent, and oh the lap dance he almost forgot. Yeah, boy it's hard to forget a lap dance by a hot blonde hula dancer while being filmed in full light for television. Then when Brian Blue is confronted he says it was no big deal absolutely NOTHING happened, it was just fun and flirtatious. Brian says Hayley was with other guys so no big deal he should be with another girl, basically what is good for the goose is good for the gander. He is so smooth. In fact after Hayley walks away he says despite is actions he is sure he will not be eliminated. Ok, this guy is a criminal defense attorney right? I am wondering what his win record is in trial cases. I can just imagine a typical conversation between a client and Brian.

Client- "So, Counselor do you think I should take the plea or do you think I am doing ok with the Jury?"

Brian- " No we don't take the plea, your doing great with the jury, even though they have a tape of you robbing Disney World, shoving that old lady out of her wheel chair, kicking that dog, punching Mickey Mouse, and blowing up the Mad Hatters Tea Party. The majority of the jury is old ladies they are just crying because they never get to go to Disney World and they well, they just cry when ever. I can totally tell they are on our side! Your gonna be free I am sure!"

Yep, Brian flips his chin length bangs out of his eyes and nods he is staying.

See ya, See ya wouldn't wanna be ya

And Away You Go!

Well we are at the ousting ceremony. First we see Hayley in a deliberation room of sorts where there are torsos with colored masks and in front of each are notebooks. Hayley walks up and down the line and I was just waiting for her to put on boxing gloves and punch the ones she didn't want. You know the whole rock-em-sock-em robot thing. But, nothing that fun happened, she just read some notes and then went down to talk to the guys.

Hayley has to eliminate four of the men and we already know Stan Lt. Green took his leave so she only has to pick three to go now. There is a small clip of Ted Yellow who hasn't been around much this episode, he is lovingly referred to as Big Bird, talking about how he is glad some of the guys will be gone and he can have more time to get to know Hayley and how much he wants to stay.

We also see Jim Purple who didn't get a lot of air time talking about how he likes it there and was to stay too. I don't know how he felt about Hayley but he sure likes the house and the parties and the guys. This is starting to remind me of the happy Barney and Big Bird show everyone is happy and likes everyone and boy do we want to stay and play some more! Lalalalalal, On my way, everythings a-ok, I love you, you love me . . . .

As Monica starts the ceremony Brian Blue steps forward and says I can't do this, I just can't do this. He starts to say how he likes Hayley and give a little good-bye speech when Monica suddenly turns into a referee and Brian has just committed a big reality TV violation. Buzzer goes off, Monica punches his big blue robot head and he is out of there! No, not really but I wish. Monica explains there are rules for this and this is just not the way it goes and hey Brian you were one of the guys getting eliminated anyway so we are going to go by the rules of the game. She informs Hayley he is a criminal defense attorney, he unmasks and Hayley stifles a snort and then Brian proceeds while under the watchful eye of head referee Monica to give his good-bye speech. He leaves and puts his mask on a wall of sculptured faces.

Monica then turns to the guys left and tells them she hopes they are real men and that they will play along. I am seeing this show in jeopardy here. A real mutiny where all the men strip off their masks or pull another man's off and proceed to conga line out of the mansion with the hula girls. Cha, cha, cha, masks strewn about Hayley and Monica left standing mouths wide open! But, alas the rest are gentlemen and Hayley de-masks Pete Bronze, who she didn't think was cute at all, and Joe Lt Blue who is still trying to explain the multiple soul-mate idea. Hayley thinks Joe is attractive but the show must go on and each man is gracious and leaves placing his mask on the sculpture wall.

Six Men Standing

We have staying for the moment Michael Red, Jim Purple, Peyton Orange, Ted Yellow, Chris Green and Will Silver. Michael Red makes a comment that these guys had better watch out because as soon as he gets some one on one time with Hayley they are in trouble. Oh that's right when you were alone with Hayley in the dark room you just sewed it all right up! Well, wait he is right when he had alone time with Hayley the other guys got in trouble and they got booted so, ok, I guess he got me there.

I am not sure how this show will wind up but we will keep watching, as the Monica, Clinton flashbacks are always good. I wonder if she helped to prompt those girls into action. Gave them suggestions of what to do with those men? Hmmmmmmmmm . . .

Re: Lap Dancing for Unemployed Men in Masks

Originally posted by firegirl ...First guy in the pool, Michael Red, screams "my nipples are hard!" ok, well we needed to know that one, because other things aren't?

***************Kamana wana' lei ya

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I wonder what FOX was thinking to bring in a bunch of really hot girls in skimpy clothes to a party where there are a bunch of horny drunk guys. Surely they didn't intend to stir up a hornets nest. Iíd reserve something like that for the network that brought us Temptation Island. Wait, thatís a FOX show.

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" did I __________ him?" Oh, don't worry your re-capper can lip read! You can insert the word blow in the blank. Well, her response was ďthat is between me and him. ď Yes, I would imagine it was! Itís safe to assume that Mr. Blue Mask, or rather, Mr. Blew Mask, did not return from the filming with blue balls.

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and they left, both disappointed that nothing developed in the dark room.

Great job FG. The above were some of my favs, but I enjoyed the whole thing!

Monica Demonica, where is thy shame?

Unfortunately, Chris learned everything he knows about eves-dropping from watching As the World Turns and Hayley spots him spying on her and thinks it is either 1.) creepy because Chris is a stalker, or 2.) sweet that heís so devoted, but Iím voting for creepy.

This guy definitely creeped me out too. I understand he is in line for the new FOX reality show "The Millionaire Stalker."

Itís pretty obvious for reality TV addicts like me that Joeís soul mate is Amber from The Bachelor 3, as who would better relate to Joe than the last person to get embarrassingly drunk on a reality TV dating show. Hayley isnít Amber, so there must be more than one soul-mate for Joe.

So, in theory at least, Joe was right.

Smell the latex, smell the latex didn't he take off his mask? She felt his face and then he mumbled on and on about how he is the man as should make the first move. Alas, he was not man enough, and she quickly grew tired of groping his balding head and they left, both disappointed that nothing developed in the dark room.

Clever play on words there, firegirl. I liked your entire recap and especially the use of names and mask colors to tie them indelibly together in our minds.