What's that? What do you mean, you all only want a piece of the little birthday cake? You can't ALL have that: who's going to eat the legs? The belly? The.. er...tracts of land? C'mon, you'll love it: mama's made of red velvet!*

:)

Here's an even "better" angle:

John would like me to point out that this cake has teeth. And there are so many things wrong with that statement, I don't even know where to begin.

Here's some good news, though: this wasn't for a baby shower! Yay! Nope, it was served at a birthing center event. As to why the "mom" has a cake in the tub with her, though - and in that particular spot - well, you got me. I'm just glad they didn't make it into an edible baby.Also, I've heard of cakes sweating before, but this brings it to a while 'nother level. A really shiny, gross level.

I actually had this submitted twice, by both Gina & Jeanette E. Hey girls, I'm dying to know: did "mama" have any hair? I can't quite tell from the photos. (I mean on her HEAD, you sick people, you.)

* Ok, you got me: I don't actually know what kind of cake this was.

UPDATE: I too thought that they just left the "s" off "surprise" at first, but then it would have been "urprise", not "uprise". Unless they spelled it wrong, and THEN left the "s" off - hah, double wreck! Or, I suppose it could be the name of the center.

I want desperately to say awful things about this cake because it is so deserving, but in truth... it made me bust out laughing. What a work of art! Too bad you didn't post it for Halloween since it looks like a fairly severly decayed pregnant mummy giving birth - OR - how about a Halloween/Thanksgiving combo cake: mummy giving birth in a turkey roasting pan? Classy.

This is....gag inducing at best. She looks sweaty and miserable and...hmm. Is that wash cloth draped over her eyes edible? *gnaw gnaw gnaw* This reminds me less of a birthing cake and more of a torture cake. Then again the two seem to be fairly synonymous.

But what's with "UPRISE"? Is the sex a surprise? Is the cake a surprise (I bet it was)! I've given birth in a bathtub, and I can say with 100% certainty that I wouldn't eat anything out of that sucker!

OMGWTFBBQ?! And I thought the Oliva cake was bad (okay, I still do... and in thinking about it, I think she's still worse)! Still, I do want to know what "Uprise" is. Maybe that's something I'm better off not knowing? And maybe they're really a cake birthing center?!

I'm a big fan of the 'water' on the cake plate, along with the broken up "Happy Birth" on top, and "Day" on the side of the cake. Someone never learned how to make small letters. And is that stuble under the left knee? Or is it just mooshed up cake? Yummmmy.

I've laughed at your blog for a while, but I'm coming out of lurking for this. This cake is the first one that I think has the potential to haunt me so much that I'll never want to eat cake again. But, I'm really coming out of the "lurk zone" because I'm hoping somebody has an explanation for the "uprise" sign on the side of the tub. What is that about?....or do I want to know?

I'm glad to know the, erm, stylistic choice was dictated by the fact that it was a birthing center. And the teeth ARE rather creepy. Also is the shiny buttercreamery frosting that both makes the poor gal look both wet and sweaty.

I know I will be having nightmares for days that will be featuring this wrecktastic, teeth-including cake. YIKES!!! Oh, thanks for including the second picture so that we may fully understand the scale of the cake.

And the pregnant cake has major man neck to boot. If I ever look that freaky when I'm pregnant I hope someone will put me out of my misery by slicing me up into tiny pieces and serving me on dessert plates.

uprise? at first i thought it was a tragic misspelling of SURPRISE, like for a surprise baby shower? but oh no. maybe the birthing center is called Uprise? which is a WEIRD name for a birthing center...it's a quandary.

Wow. While I'm probably not as surprised as I once would have been by this mom-strosity, having been a faithful cake follower from the beginning, I'm confused about the "UPRISE" sign...maybe I'm being obtuse, but could somebody help me out here?

I would also like to know the significance of it saying "UPRISE" on the tub. Seriously are we supposed to attack the poor woman giving birth to a cake...it it some kind of crazy mutation. I mean really...who thought this was a good idea?

My colleague who sits next to me has just left the room after glimpsing my screen. I don't know whether he's going to be sick, or if he's going to report me for looking at these kind of horrible images on work time.

Oh man, a baby cake on that little plate would have been hilarious!! What would be even better, though, would be an edible baby under the water, being born. Lots of red food coloring in the bathwater...

Okay, when Jen wondered if "mama" had hair, I don't think she was referring to her head. EWWWW!

And I haven't looked at the full-size pic (and I don't think I want to) but I wondered if the baby had been delivered, and is balancing that mini-cake on it's head? That's kinda what it looks like is happening... gross!

"Columbia Community Birth Center's First Annual Cake and Champagne Gala.

Perlow-Stevens Gallery, [address], 7 pm.Seven local bakeries, including The Upper Crust and Uprise Bakery, will be competing for the best "Birth-Day" cake. Come eat cake, drink champagne, and enjoy music by the Bel Airs while supporting Missouri's only freestanding birth center. Tickets are $30. Purchase at participating bakeries or call [phone number]."

So, being from Kansas and naturally pre-biased against Missouri, I am now somehow not surprised by this.

Don't you just want to be a fly on the wall when this cake was delivered? Do you think the people in charge at the birthing center stood around and said, "Yup - that's a fine looking cake. Good idea everyone! That's just what we wanted."???

Ok, I get that some people want to embrace the great miracle of birth & all, but seriously? Naked pregnant lady cakes? Gross.

I also question who thought that after a long day of helping women give birth, the birthing center employees would want to gather round and eat an enormous cake that looks like one their clients in labor. A sweaty manly client, at that.

Finally, what is the point of that silly little cake in the tub? I don't think it was put there to censor the woman, since its set away from her body and those "special parts" are underwater anyway. Furthermore, the baker didn't feel the need to censor the rest of her...

i think i'm going to be sick.how would you even choose your piece?"Oh I'll take a bit of the knee" or "Cut me a piece the old belly" Not to mention the horror of the person served the..errr...crotch region....

I have a request. Most people might think this strange, but if I am going to be subjected to something this bad then I want the whole experience. I understand the pictures in the blog are censored for obvious reasons, however, I would be very happy if you could include a link to the uncensored picture. Thanks.

I'm slightly disturbed by the sheen, the lumpy legs, the teeth (ogod.), the 2/3s head, the murky green water (what's in there!) and the sheer dimensions of this thing! Not to mention the two chairs pulled up to the side of it. What is that about, a carving ceremony?

God. I keep coming back. This site is like a crack addiction to me. I get online early and envision a virtual line down the street and around the blook of Cakewrecks each morning before the first post goes up.

One final comment... Has anyone noticed how sad the suggestion of the bathtub drawing is? Kind of like, this really isn't a cake woman in three inches of sludgy cake water - noooo - it's an elegant ball and claw footed tub! See? See the drawing? Too funny.

I actually cracked up at being called an old fart, so thanks for the chuckles. ;)

And I'm guessing you meant "censor", not "sensor". Anyway, I did it because a LOT of people look at this at work, and I try to keep the site around a PG rating. I also didn't want to be responsible for a lot of vomit-drenched keyboards out there.

Inspector Voyeur, these pics were sent as attachments, so I'm afraid I don't have a link to share. Maybe one of the girls who submitted it does, though?

I could have eaten around Olivia's childbirth experience. I could have closed my eyes and dived into any one of the CCC wrecks. (I'm not proud, okay?) I pictured me attacking the Bridezilla cake with a fork and serious ferocity. I thought I could eat them all.

Well, no more.

I can honestly say that me and my size 14 butt don't want to go near a cake right now. That's a first.

This hermamphrodidic (sp?) disaster is honestly beyond words. Heck, the lunch I just ate is threatening an uprise! The slimy bathwater, the mini cake placed in the "perfect" spot, the missing cranium, the leg stubble, it's just SO wrong.

Wow.

Just wow.

Oh, and by the way, I am grateful for the censoring that was done. Truly grateful.

That is the most manly looking Mama I have ever seen. There are just so many things wrong with that! And, Why on earth would someone want to eat a cake that is between Mama's legs. I thought I had seen it all. Wrong!

Oh, oh, oh...I found the uprise answer. It it the name of the bakery.They called it the "best" birth day cake.

Here is what I found

Columbia Community Birth Center's First Annual Cake and Champagne Gala.

Perlow-Stevens Gallery, 812 East Broadway, 7 pm.Seven local bakeries, including The Upper Crust and Uprise Bakery, will be competing for the best "Birth-Day" cake. Come eat cake, drink champagne, and enjoy music by the Bel Airs while supporting Missouri's only freestanding birth center. Tickets are $30. Purchase at participating bakeries.

Definitely some execution problems there, but nonetheless, the concept is AWESOME. I bet the midwives and nurses laughed their butts off. These are people who need a strong stomach for the sheer grossness of the human body, and who (in my limited experience)usually have a wicked sense of humor about it. I dig it.

ok. i actually liked the cake that appeared to have baby shooting up out of the mama via c-section but this cake is vile. if i was to show up at this event, i wouldn't have given this birthing center my business just for the sheer principle that they are gross. she had teeth but no top of the head? that's right.... she has done LOST HER MIND!!!

a woman i talked to had guests and made bread @ her homebirth - slacker. a cake would have been so much more of a crowd pleaser. i mean, if you're already @ a homebirth, you might as well eat some cake. maybe the sugar takes the edge off (hence the cake in the tub)...i guess @ that point, you wouldn't care if there was a rump roast in the tub with you - you just want the baby OUT.

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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

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