Transitioning from a Regular Life to one with an Invisible Illness

Tag Archives: moving on

This past weekend, was Yom Kippur, which is a solemn, reflective day to all Jewish people. Everyone thinks back over the past year and reflects on things that have happened, people that have passed and the deeds they have done.

On this holiday, it is believed, everyone’s fate is sealed for the next year. We atone for our sins today and tomorrow we start the new year with a clean slate. It’s a new beginning, with new possibilities for us all. In the spirit of the holiday, I have forgiven someone close to me who has hurt me tremendously, on several occasions.

I have been carrying around this hurt and annoyance and it was weighing me down. I decided that forgivenss was the kindest gift I could give myself to lift my spirit and I also felt it was a gift to the person I was forgiving. The person was very appreciative and apologized for the hurt and said that for me to forgive them, really shows that I am a special and understanding person.

It felt good to forgive someone, really forgive someone for something big. We are always forgiving people for running 10 minutes late or for misunderstanding something we said or forgetting to wish us “Good Luck” on an important occasion. These are little things, that in the scheme of life are unimportant. But I felt like it was a cleansing to forgive on a greater scale. Forgiveness brought me peace of mind. So for now, I have let go of the deeply held negative feelings I had towards this person, but time will tell if positive ones will replace these newly released negative ones.

Forgiveness does not mean that I am forgetting what was done, nor does it mean I’m excusing the offenses. It means that I am no longer holding on to this negativity and that I am free to move forward into the new year with a truly clean slate.

I was brought up to respect my elders and to listen to what they told me. I always looked at doctors with awe and listened intently to anything they would tell me and to always follow their directions. But lately, I am realizing that they too are just people, doing a job. Unfortunately, they are not fully invested in helping me get well. I am just another appointment on their calendar to get through. Heck, they don’t even show up on time for 90% of the appointments.

As I sat waiting in a doctor’s office yesterday afternoon, I had plenty of time to think. The appointment was at 1:15 and I was seen by the doctor at 3:45. The doctor is a genuinely nice man, highly respected in his field and his staff is exceedingly friendly (which is a big plus), but I still had to wait over 2 hours.

I will continue to see this doctor, as I value his advice and he is very respectful and courteous and doesn’t rush you during the exam (which is why you have to wait so long), but their are other doctors that I am currently seeing that I am seriously considering severing the relationship with.

I recently read an article about the relationship with your doctor and it stated “With a good doctor, you always leave the office feeling that they care about you.” I can’t say that is true in most of my experiences. I guess I’m not alone in feeling like this because the article also states that 2/3 of patients worldwide say that they are dissatisfied with their doctors, but many stick with them anyway because they assume all doctors will treat them the same way. The other major reason we stick with a doctor is because we are worried about offending them or we are just so overwhelmed by the idea of finding someone new and starting all over again.

I am guilty of these 3 reasons of sticking with doctors, long after I know I should move on. Recently, I had a test done at a lab and sent copies of the results to 2 different doctors (Dr. E and Dr. G).

Dr E. called me back within a week to discuss my results and a plan of action to help me improve the situation. It involves starting a new medicine, with major possible side effects. Dr. E spent a substantial amount of time on the phone with me answering my questions and then gave me her email address and said if I have any side effects or any additional concerns, just drop her an email. I have always loved this doctor and her handling of my current situation is just another reason why I am glad I did change doctors, because the previous specialist I was seeing was so rude and dismissive to me, that I left the office in tears (that’s the first and last time I hope that happens). But even after I left the office in tears, I told myself that maybe she’s having a bad day and I should give her another chance. I did use her one more time and while she wasn’t as rude, I just didn’t like the experience in her office, even with her help. They weren’t understanding of my needs and I promised myself I would look for another doctor.

Getting back to my current results, Dr. G’s office called me back two weeks after the test was done and the assistant requested that I make an appointment to see the doctor to discuss the results. I explained my situation and asked if the doctor could get on the phone for 5 minutes and I could discuss the treatment plan my other doctor suggested. The following day the assistant called me back and said I have to come in to see the doctor and that she wouldn’t be giving me advice over the phone.

Now which doctor do you think I’m going to continue to see? In this situation, it’s really cut and dry, but many situations aren’t as clear. The article stated there are 5 common signs that suggest you need to change your doctor. They are:

The doctor. doesn’t tailor recommendations to your life

The doctor is always running late

The doctor rushes you

The office is disorganized

The doctor is arrogant

So from now on, I will periodically reevaluate my satisfaction with the doctors I see (and unfortunately there are many). If I don’t feel as if I’m working as a team with my doctor and that we are not partners in this important relationship, I will look for another doctor.

It’s easier to find a doctor these days, then it is a potential mate, so why suffer with either relationship when you know in your heart it’s time to move on.

I haven’t posted in a while, but have been lurking in the backgrounds reading post of the bloggers I follow, but I’ve been feeling very uninspired. I also haven’t been participating in any of my on line support groups and I have been wondering why I have shifted my focus away from these communities. Instead, I have been reaching out to certain individuals from my past that I miss and that I really want to reconnect with.

For the past 5 years, I haven’t cared or thought much about these individuals. They really, in my opinion, abandoned me when I became ill and when my illness became a problem for them. So why now am I reaching out. I’m not sure. Is it because I am trying to reconstruct my old life (which I know I can’t do), is it because I need to let them know how they have hurt me in order to move forward or is it because I miss human interaction with people. Not just any people, but people that I have fond memories of.

I’ve heard a million times that time heals all wounds and maybe the hurts I felt are diminishing and I am ready to see these people again and discuss how their actions have hurt me. I am trying to arrange to see one person in particular within the next week or so and this will be a big meeting for me. I wonder how I will act and if when I see this person, will all the hurt I’ve been carrying around with me just dissipate or will I have the need to rehash why I felt hurt and slighted by him. These are my truths that I’ve been carrying around, what will his truths be?