Sunday, December 25, 2011

Finally Christmas was over. This Christmas didn't end up a disaster compared to the others. It is more of a cultural celebration now to me rather than a religious celebration. My family do not generally celebrate Christmas, coming from a family of mix religions tracing our ancestry to have some Muslim blood is pretty normal.

I would say that my Christmas last year was wonderful compared to this year. I went to Baguio last year and spent the Holiday with Mr. PMAer who was not only good in bed but has a body to die for. Weeks after we meet I still gets a hard on overtime I thnk of him. I wonder why my relationships do not lasts. Well, he has some commitments to his family and I don't want him caught in between me and his family. As much as possible I wanted an independent guy, someone that would help his family when he can but put himself first rather than his family. Or maybe he just lacks financial planning, I don't know.

So last night, instead of spending Christmas alone and be sad, I've made a choice to be merry. I wanted to go to Bed or to a bar somewhere in Malate and get drunk but I then on the second thought I just wanted to be in a place that is a little bit quite yet exciting so I went to F. The place is not really for those who are too OC about cleanliness and stuff. The place looks old, dirty and ill-maintained.

It was my second time to be there. When I first went there it was with a guy whom I met online. My first visit was wonderful, I was such a whore that night and ended with three different guys. But you just really have to be careful and play safe. So last night with high spirits and I went there and I was disappointed. I would say that I am one of the billions of people who walk this Earth everyday and have high regards on look rather than intellect or other aspects. I am not good looking, I am not a head turner but I do not settle for someone that I do not find good looking.

While I was cruising the place though I learned some lessons. When I arrived in the place there was this not-so-cute almost effeminate guy who's hitting on me. After that there was this kinda-ok guy however I did not return their advances because I was hoping that someone better would come along the way. But I was disappointed, it turned out that there are already the best looking guys that night for me. This incident has put my decision making skill to test. I remember a story from a book about a person who was walking in a corn field. He has to walk in the corn field and pick up the one that has the biggest ear but once he passed on the row he can never go back. The first row of corns has big ears but he continued because he could not decide if whether he has to pick it or not, on and on he went and the corn ears becomes smaller and smaller until he was on the last row which has the smallest ears.

I felt that I was that guy who could not decide on things because I was hoping for something better. Maybe the Greeks were right, the reason why Hope was the last thing that went out from Pandora's box when all evil was released because it is the most evil of all. It prolongs agony and it clouds decision making. Or was it karma?