Parenting Resources for the Crazy Times

Fill Yourself- 6 Vital Tools for Balancing Parent Life and Personal Life

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Fill Your Cup

Here’s an analogy to make my point.

Let’s say everybody has a cup that represents their needs- emotional, spiritual, physical, all of it. Each person is actively working to fill their cup. A full cup means that all of their needs and wants are being met. An empty cup means none of their needs and wants are being met.

Almost nobody has a full cup, because let’s face it, there’s always something else that we want. So it’s ok if our cup isn’t completely full.

As you go, you see people who have needs that you can fill. So you share some of your water with them.

That’s awfully nice of you! But what about your own cup?

It’s no big deal to share because you have ways of keeping your water levels up.

You go to work to get more money for groceries, so you don’t mind sharing a few dollars with a homeless man or that cup of sugar with your neighbor.

You listen to a friend’s venting, and in turn they let you vent to them. You’re both emotionally filled in the end.

You have a comfortable home, so you don’t mind letting your brother stay in the guest bedroom for a while until he has a place of his own.

Having all these needs met keeps your water up.

But it takes effort to keep it that way.

So What??

You are constantly sharing your water with your kids. In fact, in proportion to other people, you give way more water to your kids than to anyone else! Again, this is no problem as long as you are replenishing your own water.

But every once and a while, you give ALL of your water to someone (maybe it’s your kids). And you are left with nothing.

Two things happen here:

First, you feel drained and destitute because your needs aren’t being met. It takes significantly more work to refill an empty cup than it does to replenish bits of water here and there.

Second, you are no longer capable of helping anyone else. You might want to, you might try to, but you can’t. I can’t stress this point enough- YOU CAN’T FILL ANYONE ELSE’S CUP, NOT EVEN A LITTLE, WHEN YOUR OWN CUP IS EMPTY.

As parents, we must take care of ourselves. Nobody else in the world cares for our kids the same way we do. Not their grandparents, not aunts and uncles, nobody. We must keep our cups full so that we can share our water with our kids, because nobody else will. At least, not like we do.

How do we recover from having an empty cup or a near empty cup?

First of all, let me say that this is different for everyone because each empty cup looks different. There are people who are rich, but their cups are still empty. I’ve seen people who have almost nothing, and yet they are happy. Their cups are full.

1) Get your Basic Needs Met

Material things are important- you know, basic necessities like food, water, shelter. Make sure you have the basic necessities in life first.

Then work on some of the following steps to fill your cup.

2) Your Purpose

Everyone needs a purpose in life.

It gives us drive, it gives us a will to carry on, it fills our cup.

So what is your purpose?

Dig deep. Start by finding out what you care about. I recommend making a list of at least 50 things that you care about. I find that when I can’t think of any more items for my list, but I know I have to reach 50, I start to think harder about the question.

My answers start to get more and more creative and my true colors are revealed.

Once you have your list, step back and notice patterns.

What things are truly important to you?

Family?

Friends?

Success?

Financial Security?

Experiences?

Building a better world?

Religion?

Giving to others?

Once you know what you value, you have your direction. Do some research. Put some time and thought into what you can do NOW.

Those are good things to work for long-term, but make sure you have some goals that you can reach TODAY. This might be “I want to make my sister smile” or “I want to work for an extra 30 minutes to show my boss that I am invested in this company.”

Your water level can go down if you forget to take some time for yourself.

I love my time after my kids are all in bed. They’re down at 8pm every night so that I can have time with me and time with my husband.

Once I’ve got them down, I have to make sure that time is well spent. There are some nights that watching a movie is the perfect activity- I can turn my brain off and relax and that’s exactly what I needed.

But there are other nights when watching a movie doesn’t do anything to fill my cup. I can’t afford to waste that precious alone time, so I need to be aware of my own needs.

I try to take the first 5 minutes after the kids go to sleep to think about the rest of my night. I ask myself, “What do I need in order to stay sane today?”

Do I need to snuggle my husband?

Do I need some chocolate?

Do I need a hot shower?

Do I need to read a book?

Do I need to play a game?

Do I need to get something done so that my to do list is shorter?

Do I need to turn off my brain for a while?

Once you know what you need, do that. Don’t get distracted. Let the dishes go. You’re more important than the dishes!

Need a little extra help to organize your time? Click the image below!

But this step must be saved for after you’ve got something in your cup again… So we are assuming that the previous steps have replenished your water levels a bit before you try this.

It also decreases the stress of worrying about all the things you wish were different about you. If you’re thinking about others, you’re not picking yourself apart.

This step cures those times when you are happy you’ve made progress, but you get down thinking about how far you have to go. Instead of focusing on your own road, start helping others along the way and you will get where you’re going before you even realize it.

Again, you don’t want to give so much that you have nothing left to give. But you don’t want to be stingy or selfish either. You want to give a healthy amount.

How much is that?

I wish there was an easy answer, but the truth is that how much you can give changes based on how full your cup is at any given time.

You might be able to give more sometimes, but it’s ok to cut back if you need to fill your own cup for a while.

Pay attention to how you feel when you are giving to others and after you give to others.

Do you feel rejuvenated?

Like you want to do more?

Like you have new meaning in your life?

A sort of a glowing feeling that makes you want to find another person who needs you so that you can help them too?

If you feel this way, you know you are sharing a healthy amount of water.

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