You aren't the first to express the idea on this site of staying with your partner throughout a social and chatting with other couples. BUT we haven't attended any socials where the other couples do that. I'll never attempt to tell you or anyone that we're doing this the right way, but it seems that some others are doing it "wrong" too. For the record, when a spouse is brought in at the last second I feel misled too.

Pulaski TN

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It's nice that we are asked what we like and this happens most of the time. We never chat up singles who then have their partner join us at the last second. Because we stay together the people we meet are almost always in the same boat and we are together when we play too.

We recognize people play differently and that's cool.

Bensalem PA

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In all of our years, we've never (in a setting at a social, house party, etc.) been asked what we're into, how we play, etc. If you find that strange, you aren't the only ones -so do we. Honestly, many have "chatted it up" with me and expected that the four of us would then "ride off into the sunset" or something, introducing their partner to my husband at the last minute. Now that I find tacky, and it causes problems for them because I may be interested in the guy. No mention has been made of swap beyond us two. I understand why the other wife gets mad- at him- not me. They should also understand why my husband might say "thanks, but I'm not planning to do anything beyond the party this evening. After all, it's a new idea to them both.

Is it really necessary to stay away from socials if you aren't playing? I might have to go by myself! No good time? the last one that I attended was a no-play before we ever got there. It happens...

Pulaski TN

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If "they" show up but one of them is on a diet then "they" should stay away from the dessert table.. or just be honest about it and not chat up the couple for an hour only to slip that "but we don't want to play with your partner" bit in at the last minute.

We've met couples looking for a single female who cannot find one on their own who try to separate full swap couples in trying to play with the wife only. That's a way-tacky method.

Nice, experienced couples will ask what you're into, respect it for what it is, and be gracoius about it when you say no thanks.

Bensalem PA

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That's certainly fair, given that they were full swap. Now with us-if stated tactfully- the desire to include one of us would probably go over fine assuming that there's interest. Neither of us would want o be told we were dumb, though. That would sure end any possibilities.

Pulaski TN

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"It's like having a birthday party where one guest doesn't get a piece of cake." That is a great analogy. I absolutely love it. Consider that the guest might be on a diet, have diabetes, or just not care for that kind of cake. Those reactions could be from a full swap couple just as easily as a non-full swap- or one with no guarantees...

Pulaski TN

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We are that couple who would decline if the other couple didn't full swap and we've been to a few parties where the other couple was ~really~ looking for a single female, couldn't find one, and just wanted to sleep with my wife.

Having family obligations we don't get out too much. So going to a hotel party is a big deal- overnight sitter, hotel, cost of the party, etc.

When we go to big parties with couples we are looking to meet couples. We enjoy this for the fun times we have together. If one is sitting out-- it's not so fun. It's like having a birthday party where one guest doesn't get a piece of cake.

When we want to enjoy some three-way fun, we know where to go for that too :-)

Bensalem PA

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One thing is for sure, Jack and that is that almost everyone has an opinion on it. It usually heavily goes for or against. I don't see many who give it middle ground- and I understand- it's a subject that doesn't have a lot of middleground.

For the group- have you ever been excluded because of your preference on the subject? I give as an example: we've been declined because a couple sees that we don't require full swap. We CAN full swap, we just don't promise it. Interestingly, I believe that these people would meet with other full swappers- but if it didn't "click" they'd just move on. I find that strange, the probability of hitting it off was about the same with us as with a full-swap couple, I'd think... we simply offer (but don't require) more options.

Pulaski TN

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Kitty...I don't think that it's as much a divisive issue as it is a 'hot button' for LS couples. Everyone has 'hot buttons', things that they're very attentive to and which are very much on their radar regardless of their particular beliefs. Examples include safe sex, kissing, open/closed playing, playing separately, drama, singles, and fakes/flakes to name a few. This is just one of those issues that almost every LS couple struggles to handle. :)

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Sweetjz, why is it the most contoversialtopic in the lifestyle as of late? It seems to be a very divisive issue, with may polarized one way or the other with their opinions. Now I'm not asking that everyone have the same POV, far from it. I expected to discover a world of open-minded people when we entered this lifestyle a decade ago. Instead, this seems to be one of the "sins" of the lifestyle.