Yeah, it’s a Friday in Lent. I’m posting this today, because you are likely to meet a priest over the weekend, and should start making plans now.

Here’s the deal: Catholics need to be nicer to their priests. It used to be that priests were members of a happy, bustling community—almost universally respected, pampered and well-fed by the empty-nesters of the parish, and they had plenty of company from priests their own age.

That has changed. The priesthood has always been a demanding life—but I don’t think it’s ever been as lonely as it is today.

Think about it: These guys get shuttled around, never getting to put down roots. They spend hours on the road trying to cover a whole cluster of churches; and they either live alone in a shabby rectory, or with a few other equally overworked, underpaid, under appreciated priests whose training and understanding of their vocation might be totally different from their own.

And of course, every time someone says “Catholic priest,” someone else is guaranteed to say “pedophile.” What was once a demanding life has become something difficult and depressing.

Or so you’d think! The contrary is actually true: Most of the young priests I know are very joyful men, and seemed stressed out but hopeful. I guess God is good, and gives them what they need, because I know they’re not living an easy life. The 32-year-old Fr. Paul

Bouchard

Boudreau [yipes! Sorry, Fr. Paul!] from our parish told me, “In giving up a family of my own, I now have in the Church literally thousand of families. So I consider myself a family man.”

I think we can be better to our priests, who, after all, have given up most of the things we enjoy in life.

Fr. Paul says that many people don’t invite him because they assume he’s too busy, but, he says,

That invitation to dinner could be exactly what your priest needs that day. It may seem insignificant to you, or small, but to be invited to somebody’s home to share a meal, or to watch the Red Sox, or maybe to go to one of the kids’ football games, that means a whole lot to priests, even if on any particular day they cannot honor the invitation.

That invitation to spend personal time with your family may be the very oasis that God gives him in his challenging schedule to be able unwind and enjoy good and holy conversation and family life.

Note: Most priests are willing to stretch the definition of what counts as “good and holy conversation,” as we learned when Fr. Paul obliged my five-year-old’s request to “spell ‘pig’ backwards.” Not only do we enjoy his company, but I’m delighted that my kids (sons especially) can see that priests are normal, happy men who love their work.

I asked Fr. Paul what were the best and hardest aspects of being a priest, and he said that they are the same: helping people carry their crosses. He says:

[O]ne of the special parts of my vocation as a priest is to do what Christ does for all of us. He takes up the weight that we cannot handle. Christ uses me, as he does with all priests, as an immediate instrument to reveal to those who suffer that they are not alone. When I celebrate Mass, I bring all these people who have heavy crosses with me to the altar, and I spiritually lay their needs down before the Lord, to ask him to take up their sufferings as an offering to the Father.

It’s a joy to be in this position, to help others with their crosses, but it can be hard too, because you find yourself suffering with them in a very real way. It’s a most powerful and mystical experience. It’s what the Good Shepherd does.

Which led to a final question: How can we help? What do priests need? The answer, is, of course, prayer. Fr. Paul said,

[T]he best gift I think is a note saying that you are praying for your priest and that you are offering Mass intentions, or novenas, or Rosaries for him. To get a gift of somebody’s prayers is so important for the priest today, because the priest undergoes lots of different kinds of attack in his daily life. There are the cultural attacks as well as the spiritual attacks from the evil one. Just as the priest sustains the laity in so many ways, the laity, which is the family of the priest, sustains him as well in a profound and powerful way. If your priest is told that in some way, shape, or form, that you love him and that you support him in his ministry, that’s probably the best gift that you could ever give him.

This is a year later,but I just happened upon this article when going through archives. When I was a child mother/family very involved in church (cleaning,cooking,ushers,choir,alter boys etc.) The priests became a part of our family. Mother would have them over every so often for special Italian dinner. They fully appreciated it,and I grew up knowing my priests and sisters very well.They were all close to us.Now as I am a grown woman,I have tried to be nice to our priests. Once in a awhile we would have a really nice priest,who would take walks with parishioners (that walked) around church campus,and talk about nothing in particular.Campus surrounded by houses so no one could say any bad things.We walk in our area. I have sent B-Day gift/cards etc.to a priest who was at our parish for 2months. I was told not to do that anymore. To stop!. I do have a very close priest friend (who is uncle through marriage to my nephew.) I send Easter baskets,cards,letters,goofy stuff to make him smile as he is up in years,Christmas things,dumb letters of silliness,jokes etc. But most of all PRAYERS galore. We need our priests.He appreciates all.(but then he is family).But he has allowed me to do this,and I respect him totally for listening to my problems and making him smile too when I send jokes.He was administrator at our church for 6months and he has taught me more than I ever learned in Catholic schools. He got me off my rear end to volunteer. Since then I am into quite a few ministries. I can honestly say,I love this priest for what he has shown to me.And it happened to come about at a time when I was and still am having problems. But some priests are not like that. Becoming less and less.Maybe because of bad publicity etc. Too bad.People are missing out on a marvelous thing.BLESS AND PRAY FOR ALL OUR PRIESTS.GOD BE WITH THEM.(they can be human—some of them)

Posted by Fr. Jim Wyse on Wednesday, Jun, 22, 2011 7:36 PM (EDT):

I would say that even more valuable is to cooperate with the priest’s leadership. If he can see that people value what he does and will help build a more faithful and fruitful community, he can see that his sacrifices are worthwhile. More than anything else, I long for my parishioners to love Jesus, love the Scriptures, love the liturgy, love the Eucharist and work together.
blessings

Posted by Father Rust on Monday, Mar, 28, 2011 11:29 AM (EDT):

Just wanted to say that I was offered that Blue Chimay when I was invited over for dinner this weekend. They had read your blog. Thanks!

Fr. John, wine is fine, but beer is better ;)

Posted by Lisa Charette on Sunday, Mar, 27, 2011 10:00 PM (EDT):

We absolutely adore our priest, Father James Nadeau. We have welcomed him into our family and our kids just love the attention they get from him. He takes a sincere interest in their lives and I don’t think there’s anything they wouldn’t do for him. We invite him over for birthday meals and we most definitely pray for him. He knows almost every child in the parish by name (if not all)and he has a way of making each one of them feel so very special. We are truly blessed to have him in our parish and we try to let him know every chance we get.

Posted by Michelle on Sunday, Mar, 27, 2011 12:31 PM (EDT):

PS: you can find out more at their website: www.serraus.org.

Posted by Michelle on Sunday, Mar, 27, 2011 12:29 PM (EDT):

We have this wonderful group in our deanery called the Serra Club. Their main focus is to promote vocations and support the priesthood and religious life. If you have one in your area consider joining them! Things we do to show our love for our priests: Priesthood Appreciation Dinner on Good Shepherd Sunday, pen pal w/our seminarians, send out cards for birthdays and ordination anniversaries, attend ordinations, have a holy hour for vocations each month, invite our priests to dinner. All are great ways to create a culture of vocations in your parish family.

Posted by Augustin on Sunday, Mar, 27, 2011 10:39 AM (EDT):

It is amazing you shared this. I do really feel we should stand by our priests. A word of encouragement, appreciation, matters a lot in their life.

Posted by Margaret on Saturday, Mar, 26, 2011 9:25 PM (EDT):

Fr. John—I’m not entirely getting your point(s) here… 1)Jesus drank wine (because it was pretty much the only thing going at the time) therefore it’s really the most appropriate adult beverage??

2)Beer drunk straight from the bottle is vulgar- okay, perhaps, but any home I’ve ever been in where beer has been offered, it’s always been accompanied by a glass to pour it into.

3)Can’t see Jesus and the apostles hoisting a bottle of beer. Well, again, neither the beer nor the bottle were really an option at the time. But I have no trouble picturing the men who worked with their hands (the fishermen and AHEM, Carpenter) enjoying a beer after work, if it had been available. Honestly, if I had to pick one Apostle who would have turned up his nose at it, Judas sorta comes to mind most immediately…

Posted by Fr. John on Saturday, Mar, 26, 2011 12:58 PM (EDT):

I’m sorry but many of us do not drink Beer. Wine was the drink of Jesus and is therefore my drink of choice (in moderation). Beer and the modern way of drinking it (out of the bottle ) is just a bit vulgar. I just can’t see Jesus and the diciples hoisting a bottle of beer. If you want to make your priest happy then go to confession on a regular schedule and give up beer for lent and donate the money to the poor. To much beer is not healthy for you and it is the reason that many men cannot look down and see their feet. How much money have you spent on beer lately?

Posted by Josh Zelden on Saturday, Mar, 26, 2011 10:10 AM (EDT):

Simcha, go ‘head, girl.
One of my local priest friends, Fr. Matt Lorraine, just posted this on his facebook page. Great article. You’re nationwide. Good stuff. I hope you are well.

Posted by Erika on Saturday, Mar, 26, 2011 9:47 AM (EDT):

We would love to have a priest to our house for dinner, but it is not allowed in our parish as well. Thanks for the other ideas- we already pray, but telling the priest that we pray for him….well, that never occurred to me! *blushes*

Posted by Teresa Livoti on Saturday, Mar, 26, 2011 2:09 AM (EDT):

We do have to be nice to our priests. We have a priest who is our very good friend. He is always very busy and cannot get together with us very often; but whenever he can manage it, we don’t just buy him a beer. We invite him to dinner, steak or lobster, and wine plus a nice dessert.

Posted by Fr. Jason on Friday, Mar, 25, 2011 8:39 PM (EDT):

Thank you all for your interest and be assured that the thoughts are always appreciated. Keep up the strong faith and family values. At the moment I am in Mexico City so be assured of a priest’s prayers as a token of gratitude. God bless you all.

Posted by priest's wife on Friday, Mar, 25, 2011 7:07 PM (EDT):

What a great post! Your priest seems like a great man
Some other ways to show you love your priest:
1. after Mass while shaking his hand, tell him what specifically stood out to you during the homily
2. remember his birthday and ordination anniversary
3. if you really like him, send his bishop a letter saying how much he is appreciated and have many people sign it- send the priest a copy of the letter
4. if his mother is alive send her a mother’s day card
5. Invite him to any event with no strings attached- if you invite him to a birthday party -tell him when the cake is going to be cut so he can show up for the ‘important’ part of the party (Latinos, for example, will invite my husband to a party that ‘starts’ at 6- no one shows up until 7:30 and the cake isn’t cut until 9 or later- he doesn’t have time for that).
6. and of course, as everyone has said, pray for him!
remnantofremnant.blogspot.com

Posted by Fr. Michael on Friday, Mar, 25, 2011 6:41 PM (EDT):

I just read through all the comments posted thus far, and let me say, as a priest, Thank you, thank you, thank you, for your faith and support of your pastors. You may not realize it, but sometimes those oases of family life with good families are what keep us going during the tough times (aside from grace of course).

Posted by Julie on Friday, Mar, 25, 2011 5:30 PM (EDT):

Oh how I miss Fr. Brady, only the best priest in the whole world. He ate dinner almost every night with my best friend’s family (large, Italian/Irish). My friend was a little brat and she and Fr. Brady would tease each other all through dinner. One night he got in a particularly good one and she stuck her tongue out at him with food on it. Her mother’s hand was a millimeter from her face when Fr. Brady stuck his tongue out at her with food on it, just so she wouldn’t get smacked. A good man - pithy, relevant homilies, actively pro-life, highly devout and always on your side. He was responsible for my father’s conversion to Catholicism, no easy feat let me tell you. He died on Good Friday almost 10 years ago. I’ll probably have to be at my new parish a little longer before I’ll ask either of the priests to dinner, but I won’t forget.

Posted by Cutteo on Friday, Mar, 25, 2011 5:21 PM (EDT):

I always have different opinion in inviting priest to our home. The reason being he is too wise in knowlege that we feel uncomfortable in conversation. This article brings out different views about priesthood. This will enlighten me to show more appreciation and perspective of our priest(s) from now on. Thanks, Cutteo

Posted by Patg on Friday, Mar, 25, 2011 4:20 PM (EDT):

We in my parish we were blessed to have TWO priests; Fr. Armando, and a retired priest in residence, Fr Joe O’Shea. Notice I said were. Sadly, Fr Joe passed away very unexpectly on 28 Jan.

So now, Fr Armando is carrying the load of two full time priests. We of the parish are helping him out as much as possible; taking on administrative jobs, doing Communion Services the days he has funerals, and just attempting to reduce his stress load.

Please pray for Fr Armando and ALL our priests who give so selflessly of themselves.

Posted by Maria on Friday, Mar, 25, 2011 2:32 PM (EDT):

Great article! Just don’t buy a beer for a priest in Philadelphia, or he’ll be placed on “administrative leave.” Pray for all our priests, but especially those in Philly.

Posted by Jason on Friday, Mar, 25, 2011 2:29 PM (EDT):

Great post. Without good priests we’d be in one heck of a spot. No Mass, no Eucharist, no Confession. They are part of Christ’s gift to us. Take care of your priests!!

Posted by Therese Z on Friday, Mar, 25, 2011 1:50 PM (EDT):

Thank you, this was eye-opening. I always wanted to invite my priest over for dinner, or when we have game parties, but I was told all my life that priests don’t accept invitations from parishioners because then they’d have to accept EVERY invitation or be accused of playing favorites, so don’t put them in the position.

Didn’t seem right to me, but those that insisted it was true were regular church-goers and volunteers, who knew everybody and everything.

Posted by Tom L on Friday, Mar, 25, 2011 1:45 PM (EDT):

Great post! Thanks.

Posted by Vincent on Friday, Mar, 25, 2011 1:31 PM (EDT):

Great post! But actually today is not Lent! It is the Solemnity of The Annunciation and belongs to the temporal. So you can have that beer and a steak with your priest if you so desire!
Thanks for the reminder, I’ve been meaning to invite our priest over for dinner. Or out to dinner, or even for just a drink.

My mother used to regularly invite the parish priests over for dinner. It started me thinking about what a great thing that was; I’ll have to take up the family tradition! Though I must admit that the highlight was Father Bob teaching me the basics of poker, a skill that became mighty handy in after-school poker games with the Christian Brothers in high school.

Posted by Melissa on Friday, Mar, 25, 2011 11:36 AM (EDT):

Thanks for this nudge! It can transform years of our _intentions_ to ask our pastor to dinner into a dinner invitation!

Posted by Steve G on Friday, Mar, 25, 2011 11:08 AM (EDT):

Wonderful post and I could not agree more! They need our prayers, support and friendship. I am blessed to have a priest friend with whom I not only share the occasional beer, but with whom I enjoy brewing our own beer! Of course my Bride make us dinner and we all share a truly wonderful evening of fellowship and relaxation. Highly recommended!

Posted by JohnnyC on Friday, Mar, 25, 2011 10:52 AM (EDT):

Thank you to all our wonderful priests!!!!! Father Rust, if you were in Indy I would gladly buy you a Chimay. Tasty. Great things will come out of the current trials the Church is enduring, one of which will be a greater appreciation of our Lord’s wonderful priests! I grew up in a home that had priests over for dinner and it was those experiences that shaped me and helped deepen my faith. Great article.

Posted by RMMT on Friday, Mar, 25, 2011 10:45 AM (EDT):

Just so long as you don’t ask them to watch the Yankees… that would be downright insulting! ;-)

**We love our priests, and try to pray for them and offer our home to them as often as we can. To all the priests (and religious, too): thank you for your beautiful ministry and for sustaining us with prayer and the Eucharist!

Posted by Rachel W. on Friday, Mar, 25, 2011 10:10 AM (EDT):

COME ON! Are you serious?? Am I actually expected to allow a priest to watch the RED SOX!? Unbelievable! Might as well allow him to drink a domestic as well. Isn’t their life tough enough?! :-}

Posted by Father Rust on Friday, Mar, 25, 2011 10:00 AM (EDT):

Thank you. (I drink blue Chimay)

Posted by Anna McCabe on Friday, Mar, 25, 2011 9:07 AM (EDT):

This is a wonderful post! My family and I are blessed to have several holy and faithful priests in our parish. The opportunity to have them with us for a meal and conversation is a joy! We love them and pray for them as members of our family. They truly share our joys and sufferings! God bless all priests and may they have the peace of Christ as they sacrifice for all of us.

Posted by Mouse on Friday, Mar, 25, 2011 9:01 AM (EDT):

Simcha Fisher: The New Apostle of Common Sense

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