I'm really very sorry.

September 8, 2016

My apology for not joining your Apple vs Android debate

Dear friend,

Who knows where the cold wind blows? I asked my friends, but nobody knows. Well the answer to this question posed by Whitesnake’s song Looking For Love, is simple. To a lower pressure area. That’s where the cold wind blows. Some questions have absolute answers, and others more complex. Most questions posed by eighties ballads have simple answers. Is This Love? Probably. However other questions have answers that do not strike one so intuitively. Some questions require rigorous analysis and mounds of data and even after that degenerate into questions of philosophy. This is why I could not take sides in your Apple vs Android debate. It is too complex, and there is too much at stake.

I know you feel like I let you down. I assure you that that was not my intention. You know you can always count on me. I’ll Be There For You, as Bon Jovi would say (Released 1988).But yesterday as our social gathering changed to heated, alcohol fuelled debate, I had to bow out. You were pro Apple and Rahul (who I don’t like) was team Android. When the argument began, I quietly began making a house of cards in the corner. Because while both of you thought you were debating pros and cons, I knew we were minutes away from a deeply personal shouting match.

You were vehemently for Apple as a company that was at the forefront of all things. A company so instrumental to technology, you said, that every competitor’s product seemed to be a pale imitation. You said phones would not have worked this way if not for Apple. Other people make technology and Apple engineers paradigm shifts. You made this point with great bravado, in-between huge gulps of Vodka that you forgot to pour a mixer into. I was very impressed. It was a great argument, even if it took you a couple of tries to get through some of the sentences.

On the other side was Rahul (who I really intensely dislike) who said that Apple functions on snob value and their days of innovation lie far behind them. They were now simply following in the shoes of brands like Samsung, who were making real advances. Rahul’s opinion was that the openness of the Android platform was the true way ahead. That it was easy to make a close ecosystem work seamlessly, but a technology that opens its arms and lays its soul bare to the public was the only real technology. Even though he excused himself hallway to go and vomit, his argument and passion lost no steam.

Then you both angrily got to your feet and looked at me. The violent gesturing collapsed my house of cards. It was going to be up to me to decide this debate. I gulped and went right back to building it, hoping that you would not notice me, that I would some how seamlessly blend into my chair. That did not happen. My first tactic was to change the subject to something we could all agree upon. How terrible was Windows Phone, right? Right? You agreed with me and some great jokes about Internet Explorer were recycled (It used to be slow once? Remember? Ha!), but the glee did not last long. Your iPhone chimed and that sent Rahul (who is really a terrible person) into a fit of anti Apple rage again. You nudged me to speak up. I’m sorry that I did.

Alcohol serves to enhance love and destroy logic. I’m sorry I had to point out that these were just phones, which had no other bearing on your life. Neither of you was an employee of these companies and had any stake in how phones were made. Liking something does not have to necessarily mean that you have to dislike all other things. If you develop a preference, that does not mean you have to obliterate all other preferences. Why was it important for all other people to like the same things as you? A lot of people think that the world is best if it contains people who are exactly like them and share there thoughts and opinions. We need to be able to allow people their differences. To see the good in the bad and the bad in the good. This was all neatly summarised by Poison in the 1988 hit Every Rose Has Its Thorn.

Unfortunately my philosophical deviation did nothing to end your argument. You asked me to pick a side. If I liked this, I could not like that. Are you an Apple/Android Open/Closed Conservative/Liberal ThisSide/ThatSide you demanded. That was when my Blackberry rang. Both you and Rahul almost stopped drinking in shock. Rahul left immediately. I looked at you as you tried to express your shock, but couldn’t. A stream of tears began to roll down your cheeks. You asked me why? Why did I still have a Blackberry!?

I should have been more careful. I should have been understanding of your vulnerability at the time. I should have answered carefully, but instead I spit out the brutal truth. Who gives a shit?

You ran out of the house, leaving me alone with my Chateau of Cards.

I am sorry, I made a mistake. I will buy whatever phone you like and sit with you and discuss how some companies are better than other companies and this is important. Please forgive me. Indeed Cinderella said it best with their runaway single You Don’t Know What You Got (Til It’s Gone), incidentally also from 1988. A lot of pain was clearly felt in the year 1988. I feel it now too. Please come back, dear friend.

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These are dark times.
You see, the newest iPhone has just been launched, and now the world is neatly classified into two sets of people – Those who blindly worship anything thrown out of the Apple Store, and those who blindly throw anything they can get their hands on onto the Apple Store.
There is no mid-way.
It is a pure either/or kind of situation.
So you should have understood the fate that would befall on someone with a Blackberry.
Did you not get the memo?
Your personality does not matter anymore. Imagine, if people judged you based on that. Sheesh. How shallow would such a world be!

Luckily, we live in a civilized society, where the only thing that matters is the choice of technology you choose to purchase. Isn’t that easy?
The good lords above have put forth two simple options for you to choose from – Android and iOS.
So why are you trying to mess with the delicate balance of nature by bringing a Blackberry into mix?
It pleases me to see that you are owning up to your mistakes and apologizing for the same. Maybe its not too late to have a fresh start.

Dearest kannan, my sympathies for for this situation in which you were a innocent bystander in. Like a fat kid that just finished a week long diet or a 3o yr old chick with daddy issues you were the unfortunate candy that was devoured oh so mercilessly. Having said that your “sorry’s” are the daily reason I burst into laughter by myself often loudly in a bus while other people stab me in their head for such outlandish amounts of joy 🙂
Also as a Android phone user I do feel some ways about apple phones and that too without the influence of vodka, thus completely I’m in completely logically and rightly might I add have the right to say Androids rule 😘
Happy blogging my fellow creative,funny and funambulist friend 🙂 (and yes I have been dying to use that word for a while 😉

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