With all due respect, putting seeds in the grave (I didn't know it had to be poppy seeds, just something unfeasably numerous and un-countable), wasn't to kill a vamp, simply to keep him occupied counting 'til the end of days. You ever wonder why they had the counting Count on Sesame Street? Old folklore. I swear I am not making this up.

This paper is known as a "fu", which means "good luck" in Mandarin. It is typically yellow in colour, with black words written on it by some powerful Taoist priest. Apparently it is supposed to supress the evilspirit within the vampire and prevent it from moving; the vampire is put into a state of suspended animation until the "fu" is removed.

GREECE The preferred method is to force Vampires to dance to a Syrtaki in a circle for several hours until the vampire becomes dizzy. The vampire is then pushed of a cliff, and a large plastic Neptune is thrown upside down onto the vampires chest, piercing its black heart. Alternatively, Vampires have been known to commit suicide from the shame of being convinced to buy shares in a time share in an apartment block off Rhodes. Still more skillfull is arranging for the vampire to be sold into Debt Slavery in Haiti after losing all its money in an internet stock speculation on the Athens Stock Exchange

THAILAND Vampires are generally given several puffs of good hashish and then fed three cups of snake's blood our of the anus of a local transvestite. When photos of this are sent to the vampire's friends and relatives back home, the vampire usually dies of shame.

ISRAEL Three Hasidic jews, a Palestinian, two Right-wing settlers, a Druse and Peacenik engage in a discussion about the merits and demerits of the two state solution. The vampire is constantly used as a referree between the arguing parties until it goes to the green line and throws itself on a land mine.