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This dress has been in the making for probably about a year. I bought 3 metres of fabric but then used some of it to make something else. I cut the skirt out and 1 piece of the bodice but didn’t have enough left to cut out the back. Then the fabric was out of stock so it sat and sat and sat.

I finally found somebody selling it on eBay by the fat quarter for the same price I paid for the metre. I called up the original stockist several times to see if it was coming in because it made me slightly sick to pay that. It was only £3.50 but the principle you know?!

Anyway, here’s the dress

I used McCalls 6503. I originally put the ruffle in the collar but since this is cotton it was just too bulky and bugged the heck out of me rubbing itself all up my neck. No, that had to come out.

The dress then had quite a few changes made. I didn’t really fit it as I was going because I just wanted to get it done which was not a good idea! I ended up taking the zip out, bringing in the side seams, putting the zip back in and taking in the shoulders. Doesn’t sound like much but I did each of these things several times!

As for how happy I am with the dress, I’d say maybe like 5 or 6 out of 10. The collar never lays down properly. I’ve pressed the shit out of that thing but it’s always getting in my face. The other problem is it’s not decent enough to wear, well, pretty much anywhere. Way too much boobage going on so I have to wear a vest top underneath.

(This is me staring at the amount of flesh I have on show!)

I’m also aware that I have yellow skin which the dress blends into so I kind of look like a big pile of vomit. Exactly what I was hoping for. I do still wear it; I usually add a blue cardigan to try and eliminate as much vomityness as possible.

In an even better turn of events I wore this after I’d been swimming with sea-lions.

Yes that was the best experience I have ever had, ever. And I literally got married this year.