Abel to Yzerman

Niklas Kronwall is a dumb jerk of a Detroit Red Wing, and he always has been. Known for "Kronwalling," the act of using a lack of prior suspensions to prevent yourself from getting future suspensions despite dirty hits, Niklas Kronwall is the rock that holds the Detroit Red Wings defense together. Unfortunately for Detroit, they'd be better off with another guy named Niklas back there. But the other guy retired. Suckers....

Aside from not hitting and not playing defense, what has Kronwall been up to? Getting himself up to 10th in Defenseman scoring, is what he's done. The top 9 defensemen (in terms of points) all have over 50, and Niklas is sitting at 10th with just 49 (8 goals, 41 assists). This ties him with Daniel Alfredsson for the lead on the Red Wings. Kronwall also sits at 3rd on the team in PIMs, behind only Reilly's Brother and Kyle Quincey.

The Bottom Line is that we'll be seeing quite a bit of this fellow and I wouldn't buy front row seats this round, mainly due to him stinking up the joint.

Kronwall will never get credit for completely changing the way he hits to stay legal. It’s really too bad, he’s really the poster boy for the clean hit. If he were on another team NBC would spend entire intermissions breaking down and analyzing his hitting style and strategy.

We haven’t even played one damn playoff series with Boston since 19-fuching-57 and they’re already acting half-baked? Oh, I want whatever they’re smoking, drinking, and sniffing over there in Beantown.

Posted by
SYF
from Twerkin' with Anastasia Ashley on 04/14/14 at 05:14 PM ET

The only thing missing in this critique would be terms like “big dummyhead” and “poopy-pants.”

About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977. No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y. Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation. There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature. Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com