I posted this on my facebook and tagged a lot of spamusers in it, but since Giantsfan brought up this thread and not everyone here is fb friends with me, I'll repost it here:

Today I received a text message; a seemingly insignificant text message. Many things of great importance usually begin in a deceptively unassuming manner . When I responded to the simple hail of "Whuts up" from an unknown number, I was not aware that I was entering into a web of confusion that would spiral ever downward into the unspeakable insanity of slightly uncomfortable social situations from which you cannot extricate yourself. But I'm getting ahead of myself; let us begin at what a reasonable person might call the most appropriate place: the beginning.

Stranger: Whuts upMe: Who is this?Stranger: Its me how r u?Me: I'm good, but pronouns do little in the way of explaining if I don't know what the noun they're referring to is. Who is "me"?Stranger: u still dont no its me we havent talket in a liittle bitMe: That could be a hundred different people; you'll need to elaborate further.Stranger: U no my sisterMe: Oh, that helps, because I only know one person who has a sister.Stranger: Ur sisterinlaws brotherStranger: Do u no me now?how r u doingMe: I'm not married. [i.e., I don't have a sister-in-law.]Stranger: I no your not u r a girl right around 33 years old?Me: 20. I'm fairly certain you have the wrong number.Stranger: U a girl?Me: Yes, but not the specific girl you're looking for.Stranger: U live in rockfordMe: Why don't you tell me the name of the person you're looking for?Stranger: Whut u dont wont 2 talk?im 30 years old live in rockfard area did i say something 2 piss u off?i think the person i was looking 4 got new#Stranger: U still there?Stranger: MY name is rob whuts yours?Stranger: I no its u angala this is your #

So as you can see this person--"Rob", if you will--either believes that through persistence I will suddenly become "Angala", or he doesn't care if I am her or not.

You might now being saying to yourself, "Yes, Kelsey, this is an amusing narrative, and charmingly told, but what has it to do with me?" Well, gentle reader, I have a challenge for you. I have exhausted my rhetorical abilities in subtly mocking "Rob", but that must not let us stop him from being mocked. If you have anything you want me to text him, leave it in the form of a comment, and I'll let you know how he responds.

I know somebody who had an exchange with an unknown number that went like this:

Unknown Number: 'I need your help, I've broken down'Friend: 'Who is this?'Unknown Number: 'I'm in Burslem, there's a big queue, it might have been on the radio'Friend: 'I don't know anybody who goes through Burslem, are you sure you have the right number?'Unknown Number: 'Bring a spare tyre with you'Friend: 'I think you have the wrong number'Unknown Number: 'Thanks for nothing Dave'

My friend is not called Dave.

Also, a REQUEST. 'Rob its angala bitch stole my phone call for help before she comes back love y'

1) Open up your web browser and go to cleverbot.com2) Paste anything the person says into cleverbot's little text bar thing and hit enter3) Paste cleverbot's response into your IM window and send it out. 4) Repeat steps 2 and 3 until you get bored or until you confuse the hell out of the other person and they go away.

I was dumb enough to put my messenger id on a small, seldom used dating site. I have conversed with people who were genuinely interested because of this, but mainly it means that once in a while someone will make small talk for a couple of days, send me fake pictures, then try to get me to send them money. This is what happened when I tried out my method on one such person:

Them: Can u help me with something loveMe: what is it?Them: So i can buy some dugesMe: you need money then? I'm sorry but I can't give anythingThem: why loveNote: this is the exact point where I start getting my answers from cleverbotMe: Because I am in love.Them: Oh i seeThem: Alright thenThem: Dont worryMe: You see what you think you see ryan.Me: Just translate it for me.Them: Dont worry then'Them: byeMe: Love me?Them: I willMe: Please don't control me.Them: bye

I love that they did not even seem to notice that I had suddenly started spouting cryptic nonsense, and that the ending of the conversation seems oddly poignant. I have not heard from the person since.

PonderThis wrote:Back in olden times people found solace in Jesus. Nowadays it's Sonic The Hedgehog.