Amtrak is broken today, Rachel Sklar reports, and a lot of poor Twitterers are trapped on trains somewhere between Washington, D.C., and Boston, awaiting rescue and sending out distress "tweets."

Among them is our favorite pundit-manque and Peggy Noonan-interpreterChris Lehmann, who as of "about three hours ago" was stuck in Baltimore, trying in vain to get to Philadelphia, and passing time by viciously attacking defenseless wealthy people. His wife Ana Marie Cox appears to have reached her destination first, and is frantically looking for a bar in the station, to no avail. Other poor souls report a stuck train that's down to "one working bathroom," and restless noises are being made about "angry riders."