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Navy wife. Stepmom. Everchanging adult.

Tag Archives: holidays

So. Veterans’ Day. I’d like to share a bit about three of my favorite vets.

One guy served 23 years if I remember right. And he missed the birth of his last child because he was serving in Operation Desert Storm. The Red Cross message missed him and the first he got to find out he was having another boy was when he saw his picture in a Valentine’s Day card.

That man is my father.

A woman decided that as a nurse she could best help the most people if she joined the Navy. And she loved all 23 years. But there were sacrifices. Games missed, concerts she only caught the end of. Even when she had to go to Guantanamo Bay, Cuba to serve and leave on her daughter’s 8th birthday (and her daughter cried and cried and tried to stow away in the trunk of the car) she enjoyed her career.

That lady is my mother.

A man who loves his child deeply is having to fight alongside this child’s mother to bring his son home because he serves in the Navy. He could very well miss the birth of his first child with his wife. He hasn’t been able to see his oldest child in three years.

This man is my husband.

Military service isn’t the glamorous life people make it out to be. It’s not without benefits and positives but it’s not all sunshine and rainbows either. You don’t have to be shot or lose a limb to suffer. I think people tend to miss the bigger picture about wars and veterans. People don’t want to kill folks that’s not why they sign up. Most people just want to be part of something bigger than themselves.

This is technically a day late but that’s ok because Veterans’ Day isn’t just about November 11th. Our veterans need our care everyday. It’s not a day off, it’s a day on.

Don’t forget what it’s for. I’m glad my other military spouses know the real meaning of this holiday and how it isn’t about being drunk but paying respects and honor. Junk like that.

Here’s my viewpoint. I’m a housewife. I do not leave my family, I don’t see war and I’ll never have to kill someone so I can see my husband again. I’m not in a position to speak for them. Most of the people who speak for the military aren’t in a position to speak for them.

The military isn’t a glamorous job. Seriously. Crap pay, annoying people and you definitely get blamed for your boss’s actions. Maybe people think these conditions mean the military needs glory heaped on their shoulders. I dunno. I know my husband joined because he wanted to do the right thing and make a difference. I know some of my family have joined to get help with school. I know a blogger’s husband stated both on Memorial Day and the 4th that he’s fought so we can stay free and others can get free and dude enjoy the freedoms! One classmate spends every holiday such as this (the 4th, Memorial Day and Veterans Day) with his wife and baby when he can because he’s grateful to have a job that pays well enough to provide for his family and still have holidays off when he’s not deployed. Another classmate parties it up because he’s an officer in the Navy and loves what he does. He’s excited to be alive.

None of these guys seem like people who would want folks to forsake their bbqs and fireworks and gatherings. These guys served during a time of war. They’ve deployed and risked their lives. I think they can speak for themselves don’t you?

Mr. G and I really just embraced the holiday and reveled in the passion that we have for each other. We’re definitely in a different place vs last year. You know if you’d asked me even a month ago if the separation last year was a good idea I would have said no but honestly I can say now that it was. I never thought I’d say that but there you have it.

We went to see The Vow and then we went to Mitchell’s Fish Market for dinner. The Vow was incredibly sad but really powerful. This couple is SO in love and then they get into a car accident and she loses her memory of their entire relationship. The WHOLE thing. Sometimes the strength of the love I have for Mr. G freaks me out. And to see that kind of love in a movie like this was nice. Alzheimer’s runs in Mr. G’s family so he’s scared of not being able to remember his family but he really enjoyed the movie as well. We both teared up a little bit, we kept looking over at each other and smiling…it was really nice.

Mitchell’s Fish Market was amazing. It’s a family place (they have high chairs and the cutest little girl stopped by and said goodbye as her family was leaving) but the decor was still really upscale and each table seemed like it’s own little island. Heck they had valet parking! Check THAT out. The food was so so good. The fish was really really fresh and the dishes were fresh. It hadn’t been sitting around forever you know? We’d definitely go back for special occasions. Also major points for the awesome soundtrack. Mr. G and I might have sang Fly Me to the Moon to each other as it played overhead. 😉

So we went to spend two days with M. Christmas Eve and the day before. It was nice. His grandfather is incredibly kind and most of his family is actually. A lot of lies have been told and at the end of the day I’m just sad about it because things didn’t have to be like this. If she’d just told the truth and used a little bit of common sense…things wouldn’t be so hard for M now. It breaks my heart for him. But things will get better if I keep believing in that.

I got to see my mom and dad!!! I…I love them so much. It really recharged my batteries to see them and know they’re doing well. Christmas is such a family time I would have been really bummed out if I hadn’t been able to see at least some of my family.

A new year is coming and it’s bringing a new addition to our household, new adventures and a new duty station. I’m stoked!

As usual NaNoWriMo falls during the worst time of the year. If Thanksgiving looming its ugly head isn’t bad enough I’m slated to begin school on the 1st of November. This year I will probably not finish. BUT, I’m still willing to attempt it. However I can’t figure out what I want to write about. A lot of things are really fascinating to me now but I worry if I write about that it’ll just be 10 different stories that I’ve ready all wrapped up into one. I want to do an original piece. Question is what about. I have a vivid imagination I can flesh out any topic. But first I’d need a topic.

Today was Fathers’ Day and I’m on the other side of the country from my daddy. It’s been a while since I’ve seen him and I miss him. We haven’t always seen eye to eye but as I’ve grown older I’ve realized it’s because we’re so incredibly alike. Deeply personal, highly intellectual, really private at some points yet public at others. We have such similar personalities that it’s no wonder that we clashed throughout most of my childhood. Now though? He’s my drinking buddy and we can talk about damn near anything. Even with the communication gap (he has expressive aphasia from having a heart attack a few years back) he can still just listen and manage to give advice. Like we have our own language that’s part inference, part writing and part hand signals. And it flows and it’s us. I miss my daddy.

My husband? He’s a father but not from my efforts. And he couldn’t get leave (go Navy right?) so he’s not seeing his kids and he’s really bummed about it. (Their mothers will never bring them to see him because…a variety of reasons that would make me a smaller person if I listed them here.) So….I shot him a text message (much like the one I got for my birthday) and wished him well. Mr. G said there wasn’t anything to be happy about because of the leave thing and that’s what it is.

So my life is in a pretty sucky set up this birthday. Jobless, not in my own home and only about 90% sure I want to get back with my husband (the mid point of the 6 month separation is quickly approaching…where is the time going?!?!?!??!). I can’t go to the restaurant I’d planned to go to for my birthday and I don’t exactly have the loose cash to go get some champagne to go with my breakfast in the am. (Nor would I have a car now that I think about it my friend’s husband has to go to work because that’s what most employed people do on Wednesdays.) I had plans for this birthday. Goals, aspirations if you will and I’ve had to let those go. And I like shit to be the way I want it to be.

But it is okay. I’m practicing letting go which is something I’ve always needed work on, even before marriage. And working on learning to let go is something that will last me far longer than any brunch or champagne in bed. Something I’ve learned so far is that it’s ok to show weakness. It’s part of being human. I’m sad about things not being the way I wanted them to be and that’s ok. I can be sad about that and still enjoy what I’m doing. I can be sad about that and still be angry about it as well. I can feel multiple things at one time and it’s just what is.

So today I reflect on the past year and I’m not pleased. But I know what I can do to prevent the same things from happening so that I can have a happier 22nd year than I did a 21st. And I’ll be angry about some of the shit but I won’t hold on to it all day long. Last but definitely not least, there were good times too and I can have fun remembering those.