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This tired question is what Lizzie, the main character in Mona Awad’s debut novel, 13 Ways of Looking at a Fat Girl, can’t stop asking herself.

Awad takes readers through the formative years of one woman, Elizabeth, from her teens into adulthood, stripping out every thought except those about how she looks, how she thinks other people see her and what she’s doing to change both. And it’s terrifying.

“I’ve struggled with body image issues and lost and gained weight myself so the book is definitely drawn from those experiences but fiction allowed me the freedom to explore it the way I wanted to,” Awad previously told the Star.

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Awad, 37, was born in Montreal and raised in Mississauga (Misery Saga in the book) and has been published widely, including in The Walrus and Maisonneuve magazine. Her novel is the result of a Master’s thesis she completed while at Brown University.

It opens with Lizzie and her high school bestie Mel, discussing their size over McDonald’s while craving the attention of much older men sitting nearby. As Lizzie starts working, she continues this unfortunate pattern of allowing older men with questionable intentions in her life but Mel smartens up. She takes Lizzie to task about a co-worker she’s sleeping with, asking why she’s involved with him at all. “He likes my body, like actually likes it,” Lizzie responds.

Awad shows readers that the problem isn’t just how our skinny-worshipping society makes girls feel, it’s what it makes them do that’s really troubling.

As Lizzie becomes an adult, her life is taken over by an impossible diet and tortuous shopping trips where she tries to squeeze into smaller sizes, all while being unable to maintain long-term friendships because she’s too busy hating other women for being able to stay slim after stuffing themselves with scones. Even as Lizzie loses weight, the validation she gets — from her mother, from her dress size — is never enough. Accepting her body is never the option; it’s about changing it.

Reading about Lizzie hate-watching Nigella while the celebrity chef makes caramel croissant bread pudding highlights how well Awad showcases the absurdity of North American culture, dually obsessed with clickbait weight loss articles and the glorification of gluttony. Awad masterfully weaves in thoughts most women can relate to — calorie counting, insecurity at the gym — with more extreme ones, honing in on the spectrum from preoccupation to compulsion when it comes to body image.

This isn’t a feel-good beach read. While there’s definitely wit and dialogue to be enjoyed, Lizzie’s constant inner monologue devoted to calories, inches and pounds will make you feel sick — but that’s the point.

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