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Friday, November 12, 2010

Indian Traffic and Rules of the Road

Bad.

Badder.

Baddest.

All cities have unique identifiers. Those of Beijing include waves of surging bicycles and no memory of Saigon would be complete without a recollection of cable webs that crisscross streets in spider-like fashion. These are visual memories. Those of Delhi are aural. India's infrastructure simply cannot handle its love affair with the automobile. In cities there are more cars than space in which to drive them and traffic laws, if they exist at all, appear to be ignored. The ensuing traffic makes precise scheduling of appointments impossible and leads to an atonal symphony of constantly blaring horns. Delhi is, hands down, the noisiest place I've ever visited. Residents love their cars and horns and use both with abandon. "Traveling on Indian roads is an almost hallucinatory mix of sound, spectacle and experience. It is frequently heart-rending, sometimes hilarious, mostly exhilarating, always unforgettable -- and, when you are on the roads, extremely dangerous." Over the years a unique highway code, tongue-in-cheek of course, has been developed to assist those brave enough to drive in India. I think you'll enjoy reading it.

Rules Of The Road, Indian Style

ARTICLE I:

The assumption of immortality is required of all road users.

ARTICLE II:

Indian traffic, like Indian society,is structured on a strict caste system. The following precedence must be accorded at all times. In descending order, give way to:

Long blasts (desperate) denote supplication, i.e., to oncoming truck: "I am going too fast to stop, so unless you slow down we shall both die". In extreme cases this may be accompanied by flashing of headlights (frantic).

Single blast (casual) means: "I have seen someone out of India's 1.15 billion whom I recognize", "There is a bird in the road (which at this speed could go through my windscreen)" or "I have not blown my horn for several minutes."

Trucks and buses (IV,2,a):

All horn signals have the same meaning, namely: "I have an all-up weight of approximately 12.5 tons and have no intention of stopping, even if I could." This signal may be emphasized by the use of headlamps.

Article IV remains subject to the provision of Order of Precedence in Article II above.

ARTICLE V:

All maneuvers, use of horn and evasive action shall be left until the last possible moment.

ARTICLE VI:

In the absence of seat belts (which there is), car occupants shall wear garlands of marigolds. These should be kept fastened at all times.

ARTICLE VII:

Rights of way:

Traffic entering a road from the left has priority. So has traffic from the right, and also traffic in the middle.

Lane discipline (VII,1):

All Indian traffic at all times and irrespective of direction of travel shall occupy the center of the road.

ARTICLE VIII:

Roundabouts: India has no roundabouts. Apparent traffic islands in the middle of crossroads have no traffic management function. Any other impression should be ignored.

ARTICLE IX:

Overtaking is mandatory. Every moving vehicle is required to overtake every other moving vehicle, irrespective of whether it has just overtaken you.

Overtaking should only be undertaken in suitable conditions, such as in the face of oncoming traffic, on blind bends, at junctions and in the middle of villages/city centers. No more than two inches should be allowed between your vehicle and the one you are passing -- and one inch in the case of bicycles or pedestrians.

ARTICLE X:

Nirvana may be obtained through the head-on crash.

ARTICLE XI:

Reversing: no longer applicable since no vehicle in India has reverse gear.

This is a total scream, Mary!! And I love your three pictures. But I just don't see how anyone can get anywhere in looking at them. It seems it would be faster to walk, does it ever get so the cars can move at a decent pace?

Oh my, this is no jokes at all! Just imagine if I was there jam in half way. No wonder some of the Indian blogger did mentioned about the traffic there and normally they will heading out 5 hours before time. It means if you're taking 3pm train then you must make a move before 11am, even if you're staying just a few kilometres away! Kristy

Mary, this is the funniest thing I have read in so long. The way you describe it all is hysterical. But so scary. I so long to visit India and I envy you this trip but boy I am not sure I'd risk every getting into a car. I hope you are having a wonderful non-traffic trip.

I've been to Beijing and the bicycle traffic is unbelieveable, but this is ridiculous! The rules of the road left me grinning from ear to ear! GOSH! Thanks for sharing this, I've really enjoyed reading them!

Mary hope you had a nice trip.From the pics it seems you went to crowded areas like Chandini chowk-I live near Delhi and yes the traffic is a pain at peak hours but they also have wide main roads and it is not always like this.And elephants? Those road rules look like they were from decades earlier,not all that holds true anymore,fun to read though.The population is more than a billion now and with the economy on the rise here,people have more vehicles now.I agree that driving on such roads(in pics)is a challenge.

The first thing that popped into my mind was "I hope there's no woman in labor in one of those cars". I'll be much more patient (and grateful) in Chicago traffic--at least for awhile. I'm fairly certain that people in Delhi do not drive around the block looking for a parking space!!

That is too funny! I lived in Tehran, Iran as a teen when my dad worked there and traffic there was the same... horns, turning L from the R lane when ever possible, camels, etc... so glad you had a good trip and are home safely.

Great pictures! There's a TV show about truckers driving the world's most dangerous roads, and my husband loves the one about the cliff-side roads of India. It makes me hyperventilate. That must have been quite an adventure.

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