No Context: Crystal Castles, Ripsters at Studio B

No Context

Crystal Castles+Health
Studio B
March 25

Two kids in 40-degree weather, neither wearing jackets. The Studio B bouncers are playing that game where they see how long it takes for the first fifteen-year-old girl to pass out. Perfect time for a game of telephone: Fernando Eats Bagels While Playing the Banjo, some girl whispers in my ear. At that very moment, by that very magic, the line starts moving. The ripsters are saved.

***

Two kids, enormous necks hidden by the new neck-scarves invented by the keyboardist from Vampire Weekend, have a conversation.

Two kids, bald, jacked, dance wildly. Sweat flies off their heads. They don’t clap—they howl. Howling, the taller one says to the shorter one: “When are these guys going to play a good song?”

***

I head for the door. Some girl comes up, whispers in my ear. “Hypothesis: Even a nerd can become buff. Materials and Methods: Weights, running, push-ups, pull-ups. Repeat as needed. Results: Six-pack, muscled pecs.”