Why do they listen to me? They know I know not of what I speak

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt!

ME: "What's going on."

HIM: "I'm finally getting around to putting the knocker on the door. ... the only problem is it's going to have to go to the left or the right because the center panel isn't wide enough for the bolts. ... Which do you like better?"

ME: "Uh ... neither really. What about centering it on the lower panel?"

HIM: "I suppose it would look stately ... but it's a knocker. Knockers shouldn't be so low."

ME: "Hey, gravity affects everyone. This is an old house. ... My vote is for symetry."