Things you shouldn’t say or do to another mom

This is a form of mom shaming. When mom’s put mom’s down, as well as put their kids down. I’ve had to deal with this a lot since becoming a mom from both family and friends. There’s just things that you don’t have a right to say or do. Not as a mom, not as a human being. It’s just not okay, and it makes you (Excuse my french) an asshole. You aren’t giving parenting advice because it wasn’t asked for. You’re just being an asshole. Here’s what I’ve experienced and what some of my friends and family has experienced from mom shamers.

Comparing kids

You do realize that they are two TOTALLY DIFFERENT kids, right?Different brain. Different way of thinking. Just different. Comparing what my child does to what yours does just makes you look like an idiot. Just because my kid does something a certain way and yours doesn’t, doesn’t mean crap. It LITERALLY MEANS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING BENEFICIAL to my kid or to me and you just wasted your time giving me UNWANTED “parenting advice” and just made me lose respect for you. Way to go ace.

Putting your two cents in

The only time you should feel obligated to put your two cents in about another mom’s parenting is if the child is in danger. That’s it. Nothing more. If your cents aren’t asked for, keep it in your damn pocket. Don’t tell another mom how she should praise or punish HER kids. How would you feel if you were insulted as a mother? Yeah… Think about that.

A child is like a butterfly in the wind,some can fly higher than others,But each one flies the best it can.Why compare one against the other?Each one is different.Each one is special.

Belittling comments

Making comments towards another mom or her kids is wrong. You don’t have that right. No human has the right to belittle another person. No one is better than anyone else. Don’t make comments about what they eat/feed their kids, about what’s on their TV or radio. Here’s an example of what I’m talking about. “I don’t buy that for my kids because it’s got to much sugar in it.” Or, “I don’t understand why you have this playing all day. I can’t stand it.” Here’s a simple solution to all of this… Don’t like it? Don’t come to my house. Plain and simple.

Doctor Mom shamer over here

Seriously, keep your unwanted medical advice to yourself. Unless you see something seriously wrong, like me neglecting my child, or you are an actual doctor, stop acting like a freaking doctor. Stop telling me why I should do this because you believe in it… Again, my kid. Not yours. Don’t insult another mother by telling her she should make an appointment for the way her kid talks, how they eat, walk, sleep or anything… If I thought something was wrong, I’m pretty sure I would have the common sense as a mother to take care of it. Unwanted Medical advice is a for sure way to lose respect from someone.

“You spoil your kids”

First of all, that’s none of your damn business if I do. I’m not teaching my kids to be entitled. I’m teaching them to be humble. My kid may get what she asks for every once in a while, because she deserves it. That doesn’t make her spoiled. My kid may have a lot of toys or some pricey things, but my kid shares. Everything. She will share the food she’s eating, with you. Do you think that’s a spoiled kid? Uh, I think not, Susan.

“You aren’t enforcing punishment”

How in the hell does anyone think they have the right to say this to another mom? Not only are you saying my kid is out of control, but you are insulting me as a mother. Why do you think you have that right? Ever think that maybe I’ve spent countless nights without sleep? Ever think that I’ve tried everything I could think of and I just need to breathe? Ever think that maybe why I do what I do is none of your business? No you don’t because you are stuck in your own world thinking that you are high and mighty enough to shame other moms and think that your are actually helping them.

Dear all you mom shamers that are mom’s,

Unless someone asks for your advice, keep it to yourself. Worry about your own kids and stop trying to parent mine.

Sincerely, one fed up mom.

What I’ve realized is, about 80% of the moms that’s mom shame other moms are they ones who suck at parenting or have some sort of guilt about what they do in their kids lives.

Don’t read this and then contact me asking if you’ve ever done this to me, because if you have to ask, then obviously you have a guilty mind and probably have done this to me. If you read this and think, “Damn… I said this to Linda last week…” then you are the reason why mom’s can’t get along and you should reevaluate the way you live and parent and stop acting like your God’s greatest gift to motherhood. Sound good?

31 Comments

I think the worst mom-shaming I went through was with a particular “friend” (who isn’t anymore haha!) who thought it was funny and OK to make fun of my babies rolls and compare how much larger my baby was to hers. Our babies were born the same week. She just “could believe how chubby my new baby was when hers was normal”

It seems like I am always on the receiving end. When one of my friends have a baby after me and they come to me with a question, I always make sure that I come off as helpful and not like I know more than they do but I don’t really. I always tell them to go with what they think is best for their child.

I always say everyone raises their kids their own ways. I also think the manner you deliver your message makes the difference. My sister in law and I are very close but we both have our ways of raising and doing kids. She is the only one I might lecture and this is done respectfully.

Of course there is always people that you can lecture, and them not mind but generally, you can’t just do this to any mom you know. They won’t take it well. And even with some that you think won’t mind, like you said, it’s done respectfully.

The ONLY person I give advice to is my sister. But she is also the ONLY person that I don’t mind saying anything, either. It’s so hard sometimes to not compare, but I also look at my two boys, who are less than two years apart in age and are so different from each other. What I am actually most tired of hearing is “well when you were a kid we did it this way” from my mom and MIL.

Yeah I hate that phrase too! Like well this isn’t me, and it’s different times. Lol I just look at people when they say that. I wouldn’t parent my kids the way I was. I remember a lot of bad from my childhood that I wouldn’t want for my kids.

Preach it girl! I’ve learned the hard way not to be giving advice unless I am specifically asked, because I know it’s none of my business! I also hate being asked for medical advice just because I am a nurse – 99% of the time I answer with: you should try asking a doctor. And I am super picky with who I spend my time with – if I don’t feel good around certain people I spend less and less time with them!

For me the worst thing is other mums who try and persuade you that their way is best and that your way is incorrect… I had this so often and it’s really tough to deal with when you’re a new mum and trying your best!