Quotes from the Movie American Splendor

Hiya. Look, before we get started with any of this, you might as well know right off the bat. I had a vasectomy.

Harvey

I guess I have a lot of borderline health disorders that limit me politically when it comes to eating.

Joyce

Harvey, go get me water and a few aspirin.

Joyce

What, you got a headache?

Harvey

No, but I want to avoid one.

Joyce

Harvey, we better skip this whole courtship thing and just get married.

Joyce

Yes, I consider myself a nerd. And this movie has uplifted me.

Toby

Look Toby, the guys in that movie are not 28 year-old file clerks who live with their grandmothers in an ethnic ghetto...They didn't get their computers like you did, by trading in a bunch of box tops and $49.50 at the supermarket...Sure, go to the movies and daydream, but "Revenge of the Nerds" ain't reality. It's just Hollywood bullsh*t.

Harvey

I'll have you know that I come from a very dysfunctional family. I can spot personality disorders a mile away.

Joyce

Megalomaniac.

Joyce

It seemed that real, salt of the earth people like Toby and me were being co-opted by these huge corporations. We were getting held up and ridiculed as losers in the system. What can I say, it was the '80s, man.

Real Harvey

Hamburgers are a safer addiction than drugs. Say no to drugs. Say yes to White Castle.

Toby

Yeah, I know I'm not as interesting as The Little Mermaid and all that magical crap.