Thursday, September 30, 2010

Dick Heads … and not the kind that are fun to play with!

Dick head: (noun) a descriptive word used for someone who is considered to be dishonest, selfish and/or mean.

Whether you call them pricks, wankers, nob heads, a-holes, tossers or d-bags, they are all basically the same, meaning they are someone who has a ginormous penis sprouting from his or possibly her face.

And yes, I am talking about that rude mofo customer service agent. Or the punk ass kid who pulls his bicycle in front of your car at a major intersection only to carelessly and cavalierly roll said bicycle back into the front end of your car. Or the insecure jackass of a supervisor at your work who because of their incompetence makes your life a living hell.

But the individual who takes the prize for total dickwaddery or gluteolacunosity (assholeness) is the player dude who parades around disguised in nice guys’ clothing:

He comes across as kind, considerate, respectful, fun, affectionate and totally into the woman he is with at the time. However lurking just beneath the surface is a major player who can only be described as the one and only absolute King of the Dick Heads.

Ladies and/or gents you will know with certainty that you have engaged with one of these dick heads because he will be the guy that:

1. Is in full-on copulation mode 24/7 or whenever he can find a donut to stick his thingy in.

2. Constantly emphasizes just how busy he is with business and family but in reality you discover he is spending all his time trolling every dating site known to mankind.

3. Is highly adept at emotional manipulation and making his conquests think he is completely and utterly into them.

4. Simultaneously ‘dates’ several of his conquests, most of whom are unaware that they are but one of many.

5. Doesn’t understand the meaning of a relationship and is therefore incapable of actually having one.

6. Is a supreme arsehole so spare yourself and steer the heck clear!

And to the King of Dick Heads that this special post has been dedicated, all I can say is that the day will come when you realize that you totally effed things up with one awesome, amazing and sexy woman who would have rocked your world. So put that in your pipe and suck it dude!

25 comments:

"gluteolacunosity" I really like that word! I am going to try to find a way to use it on the daily! Also, aren't all guys (even the nice ones) in full copulation mode 24/7? I don't think that is a dickhead thing...just a regular guy thing LOL

WOW!!!! has someone or should I say one of those kings annoyed you this week!!you are right thought they act all innocent like butter wouldn't melt in their mouth and they make you feel like your the only one that matters.These are the worst kind of players at least with some players you know where you stand straight away.Men who invented them!

I'm a total cock fiend because I saw the word dick and came a running lol

I HATE GUYS LIKE THAT! I became friends with a dick head and learned the INS AND OUTS of how they are created. Those are the fuckers that KNOW how attractive they are and get PLAYED LIKE A FUCKING PIANO by a girl less attractive...they get all weird like, "I know that gorilla baby didn't just break my heart"...and then they get the "HITCH" complex (the will smith movie)...and they go on for years trying to be player of the year...

...heres the kicker...the more you act like you don't give a shit about them...the more they come a running to you like a fat man to the buffet line!

What goes around, comes around. One day, King Dickhead will find himself King Limp Dickhead and will then have nothing left to offer anyone, having long since betrayed his utter assedness to every decent female he has encountered. He will then be old, alone, flaccid, and nostalgic. He'll pathetically look you up on Facebook, where he'll find you blissfully hooked up with Mr. Wonderful for Real who's better looking too. You'll ignore his friend request or send a polite but platonic hello with pix of your recent European vacation where you look awesome.

@Donda: Glad you enjoyed the new word! Yes, there really is nothing wrong with a man who likes to get his groove on it. It's just those men who don't care how or with whom they get their rocks off (hence the expression donut = any hole a dude can stick his pecker in). Hugs!!

I've watched my sister go through many a dickhead. They would act like they wanted a serious relationship and then all of a sudden cheat, find a new girlfriend or claim they "weren't ready" for anything serious. Then, once they graduated college and found themselves sitting alone in their apartments with only their beer bellies to keep them company, they would call or text her out of the blue. Problem was, she was a stronger person by then (thanks, in large part, to their douchebaggery) and married to someone who actually realized what he had.

I tell you this because this is what will happen to you too. Whether he actually calls or messages or pussies out, he WILL be lonely and think of you - they always do.

@Bagel Fairy: Thanks for sharing your perspective. It is a rare woman that doesn't have to deal with this at some point in time. I tend to be one of those ladies who doesn't put up with much crap. With that being said, you are so right when you say that eventually they always want to come back - and woman need to remember this. Hugs!

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Everyone has plenty of thoughts, ideas and opinions - I just happen to openly verbalize mine! It has been said that I'm a simply complicated person that has as many interests as I do layers to my personality. I am also a bit of a nomad who has traveled the world. In doing so I have met some amazing people and experienced many things that have expanded my perspective on life. While I often poke fun at situations that most of us can relate to, I also write to increase awareness about the things that matter most to me. Yes, I am opinionated – and even snarky at times but hopefully in a lighthearted and informed way that brings people together through their common experiences, dislikes and interests. I hope you enjoy the random troll around my mind.
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