Anthony Scaramucci Was Reportedly With Donald Trump When His Baby Was Born Monday

Anthony Scaramucci, a parasitic lifeform commonly known as “the
Mooch,” which learns to mimic human behavior from Gordon Gekko
and then feeds on the insecurities of an aging rich white
male–also the White House communications director–has been
taking America on a wild ride this week, leaving us dazzled by
how this administration manages to become unimaginably
sleazier. And yet, boom, he manages.

A source told the New
York Post that he chose to be with Donald Trump at the Boy
Scouts Jamboree on Monday instead of attending the birth of his
child. He then texted his wife, who had filed for divorce while
nine months pregnant, the kind of thing that humans seem to
say:

“When James was born, he sent her a text saying,
‘Congratulations, I’ll pray for our child,’” said a source
close to the situation.

According to the New York Post, he didn’t get home to
meet his son until at least Friday evening. Born prematurely at
less than 6 pounds, their son was reportedly admitted to the
ICU on Thursday. Hmmm what was the Mooch doing on Thursday?Calling CNN to talk about
killing leakers and how much he loves the president (the
premise being his penis-filled rant to the New Yorker,
which took placeon
Wednesday).

But maybe it doesn’t matter what we think, since, for Trump
staff, missing major family milestones to serve the Trump
family is considered a thoughtful gesture. Donald Trump Jr.
applauded it on Twitter in 2012: