Chris Rockin' the House

Mary gives us some insight into her sense of humor, and which MDD is the best chef.

Well the day is finally here when all that was caught on camera will be open to the world. I have to say, initially I was beyond nervous doing the show, as my sense of humor has a way of easily being misinterpreted. Once I got over it and was willing to let the Chris Rock-chips fall where they may, I honestly had a blast. There is nothing I love more than the odd, ironic humor of life, and catching it on camera is even more entertaining than I thought. I always wanted to be Joan Collins or Alexis Carrington in college, I just didn't know it would be 20 years too late. Be careful what you wish for as it might show up a tad late!

Anywhoooo, the day is here, while I am juggling jobs across the coast, my designs for my first Schumacher fabric line, summer book signings for my book Mary McDonald Interiors, new collections for my lighting line, and other new endeavors. Wow that sounds braggy, but I am supposed to promote myself here so forgive me! I actually hate braggers and look at what happened to me -- I became one. I am going to start hating Giselle so I can become that too.

Speaking of bragging, it reminds me of my apologetic admission on the show tonight that I could easily spend $5 million on a home. As I said, it really does sound repulsive, doesn't it? Even I know it! The truth about high-end design is that everything is expensive when there are rugs, art, and materials that easily go into the hundreds of thousands of dollars each. Then again, who couldn't spend $5 million if they had it as a budget? (As if it is some genius of my own that allows me to do so, when it is really just the client's money. Yet another case of bragging.)

My clients the Harkham's have been so supportive and the absolute best clients, so I hope you can see their really gorgeous home on this episode. I have designed their 300-room Luxe hotel in Bel Air and then their home in the heart of Beverly Hills. I am so grateful to Kendra. especially for being on the show. I have to say I was truly shocked and saddened by the bomb she dropped on me on camera. I am even more shocked knowing her that she dropped it on camera, but hey, aren't we all glad she didn't really have a disaster and lose all her money? That is my Chris Rock sense of humor at work again, right there, I gain a few and lose a few in the audience. Chips fall where they may. Anyway, what a bomb? I thought she was kidding actually and I was waiting for her to say she was, but it never came. I really do feel sad about the whole thing, and I love both of them and kind of hope they work it out. We kind of needed to finish those outer guesthouses anyway so stayed tune to our redesign.

Do you love my head designer Nancy Isaacs or what? I love that Nancy takes charge, but I also wish she would listen to me a bit. Hey, I am the boss! The power play always makes me laugh.

As for my castmates, how cute are Jeffrey and Ross? I am glad on our first show we get to see their Ken physiques. Rumor has it there is a near nude scene -- very Paris. Let's all stay tuned. However, I must disagree with Ross about Martyn's fabrics because I love Martyn's fabrics, all of them. But to each his own. I guess that is why there is chocolate and vanilla. Who finds even one lady named Demetria, let alone two in the same city? Super weird about Jeffrey's assistants.

Martyn's three-day install even gives me stress just thinking about it. I have had a few of those things myself, and it's hairy because something always goes wrong when there is no time to fix it. I like to have an emergency tree or something on hand to cover the problem temporarily. Good job Martyn. Do his assistants have the same name too?

My darling Nathan, who is always the most youthfully charming of the bunch, accidentally tells us how spoiled he was growing up. It is true. His mother Judy gave him everything he ever wanted -- except me. He had to work for that, which he did. But as you know I am a gay magnet. I think it is because of the jewelry or perhaps the loads of feathers in my closet. When we were teenagers, my dear childhood friend director Adam Shankman used to say he didn't know if he wanted to sleep with me or be me. The accessories didn't hurt.

So my dear Nathan is the most charming fabulous cook I know. You'll see. Speaking of cooks who knew Kathryn's boys would make such a delicious dinner? All sneezy, germy guacamole aside, our dinner was delicious, seriously. We had an out of this world salad niçoise with fresh tuna. Now if I had seen all that teenage sniffling and germ-laden coughing going into the guacamole, perhaps I would not have surgically attached myself to it all evening. Seriously, I never left the bowl until I moved onto the salad.

Kathryn throws a great party and really knows how to live. Let's get her to invite us all to her French Country house by the thousands. What do you all think? Summer is coming. Kathryn what do you say? Oh we could have contest with the prize being 10 people that get to come to Kathryn's with all of us. She is going to kill me. I hope she thinks is funny!

For the premiere, our showmate, Martyn Lawrence Bullard is so generously hosting a party for us at the Soho House in the private screening room where we can all have a laugh together. We wish you could all be there because we really do all have fun.

Now stay tuned for next week's dramas and hurry and buy my book on Amazon before it goes into a third printing!