Thursday, March 15, 2012

Little Boy

When we were in Florida last summer, we took Jack to a park near Matt's parents house so he could splash around in the fountains. I rested my hot pregnant self on the stadium type seats while Matt and Jack played in the water. I was enjoying watching them, and as I sat, I listened to the women talking around me.

They were talking about their kids, as we moms do, and I heard one mom say about her son 'he is just getting so big, he is starting to lose that baby look'. This is memorable to me because 1. yeah...I get that feeling, and 2. I also overheard her mention that he was starting 5th grade that year. I remember thinking 'whoa lady, reign that in, he lost the 'baby' look a long time ago'.

I thought about it a little more though, and honestly? That will be me. So much of me wants to cling to Jack's baby years, to keep him this way, to slow this steady march of days and weeks. When I look at Jack I see my baby Jack, but when I really look, I see that he is quickly growing into a little boy. His legs are getting longer, his face is thinning out, his smile has changed, his little muscles are getting more defined, and I see more and more of a 'kid' personality emerge.

Just a few days ago he ran excitedly into the house to get his pirate sword to show to his friends in the neighborhood. He was so excited to show it to them, to fit in with these older boys, and for some reason it kind of broke my heart as I stood at the window and watched.

There is the little baby that we brought into this world just 2 and half short years ago, but...he isn't a little baby anymore. He is a kid, outside making friends with the other kids. How did that happen?

I mean, this is what I want for him, this is what we have worked towards, right? Teaching him how to be a person in today's world, showing him how to meet new friends, to share his toys, to be independent. I just didn't realize it would be so sudden I guess.

I called my mom not too long ago to lament how quickly time is passing, and I realized how foolish that is, not that she doesn't understand - she does, but because I am the baby that she watched grow into a child, then a woman, and now a mother.

It is so hard. Sometimes he seems impossibly small, but then I pull his shirt over his head in the morning to find that his arms are too long for his sleeves. He has grown even more.

It's not that I am sad about it, no, I want this for them! I want both of my sons to find what I have found. A loving marriage, the joys of raising your own children, navigating the complexities of this blessedly wonderful world as they become the men God created them to be. I wouldn't hold him back from that, but the momma in me wants this to last a little bit longer.

I hope that I can always catch a glimpse of the 'baby look', even if it is hidden deep inside the men they become. So I guess, in a way, I hope that I AM that mom on the playground who looks at her son on the cusp of manhood and thinks 'he's starting to lose that baby look'.

8 comments:

ok... first of all can i just say that i just looked at your bedroom tour post and i want you to come and do my bedroom over!!! ok? ok! second, babies grow TOO FAST!!!!! every day josie grows a little more and my heart aches a little!!!! :) hoping i have taught her well!happy thursday sweetie,maggie

I know that heart breaking feeling you speak of. Sadly, I feel it with my younger brother, too. He's DATING now, and maybe it was because I was 8 years old when he was born, so I remember so much, but it's bittersweet too.

The sad truth most mother's feel, very beautifully put! You will still see images of your baby through the years...do you know I can still see Rach's tiny baby hands when I look at them now, still the same shape just larger. I love that! Love you too, Oukie

The sad truth most mother's feel, very beautifully put! You will still see images of your baby through the years...do you know I can still see Rach's tiny baby hands when I look at them now, still the same shape just larger. I love that! Love you too, Oukie