Category Archives: My Personal Journey

“Winter fires” I see mountains and high valleys of snow and ice being threatened by fire.

a home or a shelter for my girl (cat). I feel bad that I lost my boy but now have only two choices left. I could let her go in the wild which would be cruel to her and to the wild life or take her to the vet and hope they can find her a home. I decided to take her to the vet and hope for the best. They told me she was healthy and they would try but made no promises. She will have one week to find a home or be put down. I have never called the vet to

ask what the outcome was, I am a little too scared to get told she was put down, I

I have finally moved out of the house and back to my parents place, it will be a nice buffer and I will have some time to sort myself out while saving money. There are definitely challenges to moving in with them as we are quite estranged; at least I feel that way. Mum wants me there but dad has never spoken about it. Let’s see how it goes.

Well it is time for the Auction. I have at least 3 serious potential buyers for the house; they have been to all the inspections and have had their own

A view of the lower part of my backyard on the river.

pest and building inspections done. I am not sure whether to go to the auction or not, my agent says I should but what will I gain? I decide to go and watch the auction and see how the bidding goes. I was interesting to observe. I had a figure which I wanted, I knew it was a little high but there is no harm in wishing, I also had a realistic figure in mind. It took about 6 minutes with a few pauses for silence and some discussion amongst the bidders and finally the hammer dropped. I did not get what I wished for but I know I sold the house for a realistic value and a win-win for the new owner and I.

A view of the lower part of my backyard on the river at night.

Now the final move starts. There is not too much to move. Although I am happy for the sale I feel a little down, a little like, I failed. I spent nearly 16 years designing and building my greatest art work and I never fully completed it. This is not necessarily bad as life goes on and changes and so do our plans. I am glad it is over and I get to put a full stop at the end of this chapter which feels like it has dragged on for a few years to many. I know that in the big picture this is the best thing I have done for a long time.

The last photo of my boy ‘Storm’ before his departure.

I have a few weeks to go before I move out now I have been worried about my boy ‘Storm’ he is precious to me and I have no home for him.

The universe gave me that answer. I returned home from work one evening to find he had been extremely sick, I slept with him that night to keep him warm and the next morning I was woken to him struggling to walk. I took him to the vet for a checkup but was told the worst. Although I had no home for him I did not want to lose him, I had to make the decision to have him euthanized. I was devastated. I guess he decided he did not want a new home. Taking him home I buried him in his favorite part of the garden on the river’s edge. All I could do was curl into a ball and cry.

“Return Home” After years of having a sense of extreme loss and feeling great mourning, a feeling of returning home to find everyone and everything I knew and had been destroyed. I have attempted to paint the emotions.

walking through, so far I have had a good response the agent tells me, I have been complimented on my landscape designs and the general property and location, there are a few concerns about having water front when it comes to raining and potential flooding and insurance but most seemed serious. Now the house is on the market I have slowed down a little and stated to pack the house up, I even managed to find some time to procrastinate and paint.

Work is as normal, I am not overly happy with this job, although it is a good company and has many advantages, I came to the realisation a while ago that the management like to micro manage the staff and

Somethings are not what they seem. Old proverb: ‘One who is clothed in good deeds is well disguised’

this is counter-productive in many ways, I personally feel like a 1st year apprentice with 30+ years’ experience. Also the company and some of the management look for any reason to blame my team and avoid taking responsibility for their problems. There is not much to inspire someone to stay, since I have been here 6 experienced tradesmen have moved on, some to other better departments where they feel there experience is appreciated and the others out the door to other companies.

It has been 3 weeks since I decided to sell my house and have see a few agents to get an appraisal of my home. I signed the paper

work for the house sale and I have thrown out so much rubbish and trimmed the garden, I have even managed to complete a few projects that have been 90% finished for years.

Now to clean out the clutter from the inside of

A photo of my backyard looking clean and tidy.

the house, I have 8 weeks before the auction and lots of clutter and stuff to get rid of and pack. I also have 2 cats that I need to do something with. This is a big issue for me as I do not want to disturb them or get rid of them. I hope that the universe sends gives me an answer.

no takers on the offer to join me. I must be a very bad person to have no one want to come for a week away for free. The only price to pay was to put up with me talking and maybe my cooking. (Hmmm , it can’t be my cooking so it must be… ?)

I drove to Coffs Harbour this year, it is about five and a half hours north of Sydney. It is a nice drive these days. it is highway all the way, that is if you call the 40kmh 90 degree corners in a few small towns a highway. Well, it has been improved a lot over the years despite the lack of budget and forethought. (just an opinion)

My first day was nice, lots of driving then arrive at the hotel and settle in. Looked up a few things to do online, then consider dinner. I thought being Coffs Harbour and

Cruiser butterfly.

being a reasonably major city on the north coast that I could go and have dinner as usual. I was wrong. It was just before 8:30 pm and nearly everywhere was shut. I managed to find an Asian restaurant with some left overs I could buy for dinner. I drove around the town to have a look and see what I recognize since my visit 10 years ago and found it was a ghost town. Not good first impressions.

I woke up the next morning to find I could barely walk, my calf muscles had knotted up so tight that I was unable to walk with a bad limp, this was as bad as being hit by a truck.

Varied Eggfly Butterfly.

I guess the moving house and cleaning has caught up with me. I booked a massage for the afternoon hoping it would help. I went for a drive to town to buy some supplies and waste a bit of time until my massage. It was livelier than the nighty before, i did some window shopping and relaxed a little. I went back to the hotel for the massage and felt better after about an hour. I am not enjoying my stay yet.

I wanted to do something that would not strain my legs, I went for a drive to the butterfly house where they have a collection of butterflies from far north Queensland. It was a nice climate controlled green house, was warm and humid so the butterflies would live in

Cairns Birdwing Butterfly.

comfort. It takes about 30 minutes for the camera equipment to acclimatise, until then I had fogged lenses and could not see a thing. I spent a few hours walking and taking photos. I would recommend it to any one with children or just wanting to relax and watch butterflies.

I found by the end of day 3 I was not enjoying myself, I was not able to unwind and my legs were to sore to want to do anything. Day four was no better as I found the sound of the surf which was only 200 metres away through some trees were sounding more and more like traffic on a major highway. I decided to leave that evening and give up on the last day.

This had to be the worst short holiday I have ever had. I doubt I will ever go to Coffs Harbour again, at least not alone. Now to go home and sell my house.

Moving back into my home was a mixed blessing, I had a few reasons to be happy but seeing the condition of the property and how the tenant left it was very saddening. I have a garden that is reasonably tidy with stone paths, bbq areas, lighting in the trees and music through the gardens all the way down to the river in the back yard. I returned to the Amazon, it was so overgrown I needed a machete to find and remake the paths I once had.

The backyard of my house at night.

This was it, the last straw, I decided I can’t do it again, every time I go somewhere I return to this and the cycle starts over again. I decided to sell my house, it has been my home for nearly 16 year but at the same time the anchor around my neck. I organized an agent and put it on the market. Now, to start the big tidy up so it will look respectable.

I have been asked for the first time to photograph a tango festival in Sydney,

A view of my backyard looking clean and tidy.

I am happy

that finally someone has asked for me to help and that they believe in my ability. The festival came and went, I had taken some great photos and exhibited some of my work for the first time ever in this country. For the first time ever I actually felt like an artist. For me, this is a great feeling.

saving money and getting to a point of financial comfort that I had not felt for a while. I was optimistically considering going to visit my sponsored child in CuscoPeru. The last time I saw her in 2010 was too long ago, it was a beautiful moment for me and I wanted to do it again. I filled out the forms for the required police records checks.

I was planning my holiday and seeing friends in South America again and having a new adventure. I knew I had a few more things to take care of before I was completely comfortable and I started to consider options.

I have been informed that my tenant will be moving out of my house. I feel it is good and that I am about ready to make the move but, (there is nearly always a but). Although it is good to be financially ready there are a few things that I am not sure about. In some ways this slows me down but I feel it is a necessary evil. I have to face a few demons before I am free.

I am back to work for the same company. I have been told I will be here for a while until they get organised and train a few new tradesmen to replace the ones that left last year. For now it is good for me. Many of the staff are surprised to see me as they know I have a dream and I want to follow it.

“Fire and light” Some of the varying colours and intensities we feel and observe in everyday life.

some good and challenging time, the last few months have been very busy with the busy season leading up to Christmas. I have been essentially working and sleeping and fitting in some tango, when I am lucky only once a week. For now I know my contract is due to end but there have been some changes in the company that may extend my time here. That is good financially but is that really good? Is it an excuse to not go out and do what I want?

A few things I was hoping for did not come to fruition. Am I not getting opportunities or am I missing the signs. This has become a big question for me, I know I feel better about myself and life in general but feel I am missing out on opportunities. Am I lacking confidence so badly that I am not seeing the opportunities or worse still actually ignoring them?

“Shimmering sky” Playing with shimmering, reflective metalic colours.

I have been painting more and the colours are changing as my moods change and as my confidence varies but all in all my paintings are brighter. A few people have seen photos of my paintings and say they are nice and they see different thing in them to what I had expected, I find this nice because to me it means I have caused a thought of some kind at some level of the observer.

Christmas is on the way, I have managed to send some cards and gifts and that is about as Christmas like as I feel. Have a safe and happy season everyone.

The “Dropbear” is a fictitious Australian bush animal, or is it? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drop_bear and http://australianmuseum.net.au/Drop-Bear You decide.

After a short break I return to Sydney to start my new job, still in my trade but this time the job is much safer than the last. It is air conditioned, well lit and very clean, compared to most places I have ever worked in this was heaven. I have a lot t learn about this machinery but lucky for me I learn quickly. This is a big international company and the pay is good. I have managed to get myself into the black with the last job I had and this one will be a great opportunity to save faster than before. I am starting to feel confident in a few areas of my life.