Earth Star

Willie died in 2009. I had met him while I worked at Magical Journey bookstore in Nashville Tennessee. He was my manager at first and then bought the store but before all of that he was my Reiki Grandfather. His death came as quiet a shock to everyone who knew him. Willie took his own life. He was suffering from physical disease and depression brought on by his physical state and financial worries.

The futility of all of this still overwhelms me. If anyone in the community had known we would have bent over backwards to help him. Willie was not a perfect person. He dealt with addiction, anger and depression but he was also one of the most generous individuals I have ever met. After he passed I had two dreams about him where I felt as though I was actually talking to him. The first was not too long after he passed and the the other was years later.

I dreamed that I was in a video game like sharp shooting contest. Think Laura Croft, loaded for bear. I was scurrying in and out of mazes and dark tunnels taking out targets. Not to blow my own horn but I was good. I had this in the bag, first place was mine.

I had just ducked into a dark room scanning it for targets when I hear a voice say “Hey whatcha doin?” I turn to my right and I see Willie standing there holding a beer in a plastic cup. I look at the cup and then back at him. “Don’t lecture me.” he said and I told him I would not think of it. That was more @’s style. We walked and chatted he told me how he was doing. I sensed a genuine affection between us. I was just starting to think we should talk like this more often and that I should stop by the store and buy him lunch when I saw a door in front of me. I reached out to turn the handle and he grabbed my arm and said “No don’t!” His bright smile turned to sadness and as the door opened and the light spilled into the darkness I suddenly realized that he was dead. An overwhelming sorrow overtook me and I woke up sobbing.

In the next dream I walk down to my mailbox to check the mail and I see Willie walking down the street. I live on the same street as Willie’s son. He is coming from that direction like he had stopped by for a visit. I know he is dead but I can not believe I am seeing him. I hug him and touch him continually exclaiming “But you are dead!” He grins and chuckles at my happy manhandling of himself and says “Yeah I know.” He looks just like he did in life but he glows with a light from within. He is the most beautiful thing have ever seen and I can not help but smile. He tells me he is no longer in pain. That he is free to come and go as he pleases. He apologies for how he left. There were things he would have done differently but there is no real regret in his confessions. His heart is light. I stand there and watch him slowly walk away into the sunrise.