Savage Cooking: How to make Jail Wine

Victoria is a Navy wife and a new mom. Dahvie is an incarcerated Chicago gang member. They write letters back and forth. In this post, Dahvie shares his recipe for hooch and Victoria tries it out.

Victoria: Welcome to “Savage Cooking” (this might be a short-lived segment, lol). This time on Savage Cooking, Dahvie will be teaching us how to make Jail Wine, referred to more commonly as hooch. Take it away, Dahvie:

Dahvie: “Damn I wish I could smoke a blunt right now. It will erase all my troubles and anxieties for one moment. Even though it’s temporary that short time of stress free is very therapeutic. But once nobody got any weed. I just got to wait until my hooch get done. Hooch, you don’t know what that is? Its homemade alcohol.”

Victoria: And then I told him we were going to make it…

Dahvie: You guys are crazy. LOL here I am in jail, wishin and pretendin to be drinkin Remy with Ketchup in jail. Then there’s y’all free to drink anything under the sun but y’all wanna make hooch! IDK if I should be mad or happy. Please keep me posted and tell me the outcome.

Ingredients:

Victoria: “All you need is ketchup and sugar. And since we don’t have straight sugar we use candy. Root beer barrels, peppermint sticks, lemon drops—to name a few.”

Victoria: I blocked out the brand of a certain southern grocery store because I’m not sponsored (but if any ketchup companies want in, I’m game). I also got peppermints because that certain southern grocery store doesn’t stock lemon drops (much to my chagrin).

Dahvie: “plus rotten apples I forgot to mention”

Victoria: Oh great. Eww.

Instructions:

Victoria: It’s really not that complicated…you mix everything up. Also you hide it up on the fridge so that your husband doesn’t throw it away. I think that they “cook” it in their toilets but I definitely wasn’t game for that. Sorry…sue me.

Dahvie: “Once the candy dissolves the ketchup eats the sugar up to make it become wine. Well to be honest I don’t know the exact elements or whatever it do but I know with a big kicker (large amount of rotten apples) it take like 4 days for the shit to cook that you just pour up…”

Conclusion:

Dahvie: “…wa-la yoou sippin on some remy vsop with your imagination of course.”

Dahvie: Imagination for sure. I mean, doesn’t that look tasty?? Actually it’s not that bad. The sugar does wonders in covering up any taste from the ketchup or apples. TBH though I would never use peppermints again…it’s a little bold.

Victoria: But seriously yo it get you drunk.

Dahvie: I can’t confirm that. I didn’t make enough to get drunk off of. My guess though is that if I didn’t eat I would get a good buzz. Haha, someone else should try it and let me know.