Dating Sims You Never Knew Existed (or That You Wanted)

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Let’s face it, dating can be weird. That’s why we have dating simulators–to help us learn to navigate the perilous waters of talking to potential mates… right? In a typical dating sim, you take on the role of a eligible bachelor/bachelorette looking for love. You’ll often buy items or have to answer quiz-like questions about your crush in order to win their heart, just like real life. Humans are not the only things you can date though. As you venture into the spiraling hole of dating sims, it is only a matter of time before you are wooing pigeons and trying to flirt your way into a tyrannosaurus’s heart. Here are just a few of the outlandish and yet strangely appealing dating sims that you can try your hand at.

Panzermadels

Do you have a fascination with the history channel? Do you find heavy metal erotic? What about Basic Artillery Computations? Panzermadels may look like your everyday, normal dating simulator, with its classic high school setting and adorable girls, but these cuties hide a poorly kept secret. They’re all actually sentient tanks! In Panzermadels, you can cuddle up to a M4 Sherman or dance the polka with a Panzer IV (just don’t step on her treads).

Hustle Cat

Ok, forget the school setting. Let’s get a nice cup of coffee at the local cat cafe, A Cat’s Paw. All the people there seem pretty friendly and very attractive, so why do I get the feeling there’s something weird here? Oh, that’s right, all of them are also cats! Everyone is under the most adorable curse that turns them into hugable, lovable kitties! This game is cute, but it is also gender friendly. It lets you pick your gender pronoun and change it at any point in the game, making it easy to play any kind of relationship you want. Hustle Cat gives you a lot of magic, mystery, romance, and tons of adorable felines! How could it get any better? This game is a cat lover’s… I mean, aficionado’s dream.

Kitty Powers’ Matchmaker

The fabulous Kitty Powers, drag queen extraordinaire, wants you to open a dating service of your very own! Your desperate clientele needs some serious help to find love. You’ll be matching up kooky characters and sending them out on dates to see if they can impress their partners. Match couples based on their likes and dislikes and try to remember their tastes as the game uses a quiz system to earn points and hopefully result in some happy relationships. The mini games are cute and it can be pretty fun to build your dating service up, but the thing that gets me with Kitty Powers’ Matchmaker is Kitty herself. She narrates the game and is an absolute hoot. It’s totally my guilty pleasure game.

Army of Tentacles: (Not) A Cthulhu Dating Sim

The title doesn’t lie. Army of Tentacles: (Not) A Cthulhu Dating Sim is not a dating sim. It is a fighting game that uses the dialog options of a dating sim to play through battles. Why is it on this list? Because the developer has released DLC that turns it into a dating sim. It’s got layers on layers here! The game is ridiculous, but it does let you have a chance at dating Cthulhu and fulfill your horrific eldritch dating dreams. Uhhhg… so many tentacles…

What are your favorite dating sims? What kind of strage things do you wish someone would make a dating sim about? Let us know in the comments below!