Thursday, August 28, 2014

Here we are at 24 weeks with baby #2! I love this time because the baby is now viable and could live outside the womb with intensive medical assistance. Of course I hope this baby stays in until 40weeks all comfy cozy but it sure does take a load off my mind knowing he's got a great chance either way.

I'm pretty grumpy in this picture. I was trying with all my might to smile. This pregnancy has been tough. I am sicker, more exhausted, more hormonal (bitchy/depressed) and in more pain than my first pregnancy. I developed sciatica about two months ago and I will save you the sob story but there have been emergency visits, narcotic prescriptions, convulsing with pain on the floor, a sea of tears and tons and tons of guilt.
Thank goodness I am finally starting to see the other side. With the help of my tribe of heroes: A rock of a husband, my parents taking leaves of absence from work to help me, heavenly Reiki from Sabrina, Osteopathy and massage therapy, I have stopped crying and started sleeping almost 2 hours at a time. Take that sciatica you jerk!

Now all I'm left with is a hefty guilt hangover. I not supposed to lift over 5 lbs till the baby is born which means we had to put Gemma in daycare full-time. I miss my daughter like nutso. I feel so shitty I can't take care of her myself. I miss our days together. She's mine and I want her back everyday all day.
There was a time there where I was in so much pain I could hardly breathe. I was sure I was cutting off oxygen to my little man in there and mixed with the heavy drugs I was on and all the crying I was sure he was in major distress. My midwife and Doctor and even Sabrina (Reiki) would check his heartbeat and tell me he was just fine. They reassured me he's in a lovely floating bubble of happiness and has no idea how much pain I am in. Phew. Then why do I still feel like shit.

Ok so Sabrina gave me some mirror work with affirmations to say to myself a week and half ago. I haven't started yet. I know she's right, I know it will work but I don't want to do it. She said I could start by writing them down in a journal at first if I need to. Have you guys ever done anything like that?

Great news is, Little Man is moving like a crazy person in there! He's a future olympic gymnast I'm sure of it. I am so in love with him it's sick. We definitely have a bond already and I can feel his happy go lucky spirit at all times. I love when he's awake and moving. I hold him and talk to him and all the pain seems to melt away. He's my Little Man and I can't wait to meet him. It feels like I've never wanted anything more in my whole life!