Friday, 27 November 2015

BODY CONFIDENCE: Photoshoot

Every girl has insecurities, right? Things they would want to change about themselves, things they are not confident with? But what if body confidence is something you've always had, and then one day it completely disappears?

I've always been pretty confident in my body. Growing up I didn't pay much attention to it and never tried to change it (my face on the other hand was a different issue - I could always find imperfections on my face but rarely did on my body). On summer holidays with girlfriends I was always the first to walk around the hotel naked and I loved taking self portraits during my photography degree, often with boobs on show.

Recently though, this all changed.

(Disclaimer: I haven't mentioned this and how I was feeling much to anyone other than close friends so please bear with me. Also I want to point out here I'm not after any pity and compliments, I was just given an excuse to talk about this issue, that some others might feel the same about and wanted to share with you - you have been a part of my life for 6 years now!)

In the past year I've put on a lot of weight (pretty much two thirds of the weight I was previously). I don't know what changed, I wasn't eating hideous amounts of food, I tried to be relatively healthy but weight just kept piling on.

During the summer just gone, I felt so, so low and disgusted at how I looked on a daily basis. None of my clothes fitted me, even walking in my body felt different. On one evening I went to the pub with a friend and completely broke down in tears to her explaining how I felt about myself; my self confidence was at an all time low.

(I'm currently trying to pin point what is was that made this happen - it could have been the medication I was on for 6 months at the beginning of the year and I'm also currently waiting results from scans & blood tests for PCOS which could explain it. You could also say it's from having fallen in love and being happy for the first time in a really long time, which I would never swap, but it's important to feel good about yourself at the same time, right?)

Long story short, I've recently had a really shitty time with my body confidence. I didn't realise quite how much something like this could control every aspect of your life, mood and happiness. I was in the depth of this self-hatred when Alex Cameron got in touch and asked me if I'd like to be photographed for her Confidence photo series. I'd seen some of her previous photos on some of my favourite blogs (and they all looked incredible) so I decided to go for it.

So I met up with Alex on a Monday afternoon and let her photograph me in my birthday suit...

I'm not gonna lie, I was nervous on the day. I dug out some of my favourite lingerie to take with me (the black bralet I had never even worn, that's how crap I felt about myself) including a white lace bralet which is actually the bra my mother wore on her wedding day (things like this make me very happy).

Alex was brilliant, it felt like I'd known her for years, so after chatting for a while there was nothing left for me to do but take my clothes off. The only person that's seen me like this in ages had been Andrew and my mum so this felt VERY odd but I followed Alex's direction and before I knew it we were finished.

When she sent the images through, I was in all honesty dreading it. I had butterflies & my heart was beating really fast but as soon as I had a proper look I was filled with emotion. I haven't included any full nudies in this post just because I'd like to keep them between myself, my close ones and Alex, but I am just so chuffed and overwhelmed with how they came out.

I didn't look like a beached whale? Is this how others see me? I don't mind that!

I sent some of these pictures over to my closest girl friends and their response was interesting. They were obviously so supportive and complimentary but they also mentioned how they'd never be confident enough to do something like this, they wished they had my body, their pictures would never come out like this etc. These girls and their bodies in my mind are the ultimate perfection - and they weren't confident enough to do the same?

Us girls really put ourselves through a hard time. Always comparing, always wishing, always talking ourselves down. I wish every girl in the world had a chance to do what I did and see themselves as I saw myself, because I now believe in myself. There's much more to it now than being confident in my body, but I know I am brave enough to do this, I look pretty good and I believe in myself!

I'm really happy I did this. I think I will always look back on these pictures and smile. I did something out of my comfort zone when I felt really crap and came out of it feeling like a new woman.

Yes, my ribs are wonky and I have scars down my back (I have scoliosis, it's a whole other story but mentioned here). Yes, my thighs and arms are bigger than they used to be and yes, my stomach does hang in an awkward place when I'm laying on my side BUT this is me, this is my body, I can't change and it and I wouldn't want to.

If you fancy releasing your inner goddess and getting some pictures like this of your own, Alex is currently offering a 5% discount to my readers (just quote my name on booking)! You can check her other work and more photographs from this series on her blog - www.alexandracameron.co.uk.

32 comments

Honestly you look gorgeous in all these photos and I envy your body because it looks amazing. I always seem to go through mini crises with my body image and after reading this I'm glad to feel like I'm not alone!Jodie, xo // Jodie Loue

I love this! And I think you look absolutely gorgeous Katie!Bravo, this is so brave.

I would absolutely do something like this. Although I probably wouldn't post on my blog because I just wouldn't have the dogs furries but I have actually done a shoot like this as I have no body confidence and I think sometimes it affects my relationship as I just cover up all the time. But I have had a book made and plan to give them to my husband for Christmas. I just hope he likes it too!

Looks like a perfect body to me! Such beautiful photos! I can't even spot your wonky ribs.. Funny how we've all got different outlooks on the same body. I would feel too awkward to get such beautiful photos done, I'm not sure I could go starkers for someone other than my husband... I personally don't like my face in photos, but I've always been fine with my body, even now going through pregnancy number 2. On another note, if you're still looking to lose weight or just get healthier - read That Sugar Book. Or watch the film. Life changer, honestly!

Girl, you look absolutely fantastic. Honestly, so beautiful - inside and out! Can totally relate to how you have been feeling. I did a shoot a year or so ago now for similar reasons and it was very liberating. Would do it again in a heart beat. So much love for you, this post, and your honesty. Big hugs xx

You look so amazing girl! Really beautiful and you have the perfect body. I look at myself and always compare, it's quite silly really but I can't help it. I'm slowly learning to love myself and doing something like this could help! Thank you so much for sharing and I would so give this a go! What have you got to lose eh!

Katie this is wonderful, wonderfully beautiful and brave. I suffered for years with the perception and appearance of my body, and I too used to use my body in my photography as therapy to heal myself, but these images are just so gorgeous. Alex has done a fabulous job and you are truly and lovely, gorgeous woman <3

This is amazing!! I did something similar at a previous job at s photography studio, I was usually the one helping take the pictures but one day the team took it in turns to have their own shoot. I've never been more terrified and worried but I am SO happy I did it, the pictures make me realise that there's another side to me I don't usually see, and that I see myself In W completely different way.

Katie this is SO beautiful! I can really find myself in your story. When I went to uni I put on a lot of weight (studentlife amirite) and even my own father called me fat. I am really inspired by this post and I am now determined to learn to accept the way I look. I am already eating much healthier and I am about a 100% less stressed than when I started uni, so for me it is going okay again as well :)I clicked on the post for the pictures though, to be honest! I absolutely L O V E them.Kisses from The Netherlands x

You look absolutely stunning Katie, and never think otherwise! So brave and so gorgeous - I love this post, because it definitely resonates with me and I always feel more confident after reading things like this. It's so important to believe in ourselves and I'm so glad you're feeling better about yourself now! Doing this for yourself as well as showing these photos to us, your readers and speaking about this issue is very inspiring and I thank you!

Katie, you look stunning. What a gorgeous shoot! You should totally be proud of the way you look. I very much remember your naked holiday dances to Rihanna and Mika and you look just the same! No, you look hotter. Katie Snooks at 27 is a woman, not a girl, and she's friggin' awesome. x x

Thank you for this article. I really needed this today as my grandparents were remarking (to put it nicely) on my short stature and unwomanly, curve-less body, both of which make me look like a little girl. (Even though I'm actually an adult.)

Beautiful story! I adore your pictures. I love reading your inspiring story! Sometimes we thinking about our achievement in life. Once we found out some lacking of our self, we really live uncomfortable. So all we have to do is we'll find way apply something to our self in order to complete our self care as well.

Hello Katie! I tend not not comment most of the times, but I really liked your post. It was quite interesting to be honest. And again, to be honest, I've started following you for your (apparent) body confidence. You are such an inspiring person and you've got visibility, this means lot of people could be more confident thanks to you.

I'm not in a place to do this right now and I've always said I would never do it. While I'm sticking to my rule of never sending nude pics of myself to anyone, maybe in a few years time I might get to the point where I might change my mind and do a nude shoot like this, just for myself. I think you're brave to show it online and to document your current insecurities and we can all relate to that