ClaustrophobicWhat do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.

Tears in eyesMy friend told me he gets tears in his eyes whenever his partner makes tender love to him.
At first I thought he was an overemotional sissy, then I remembered: He's still in prison

LIGHTS OFFI'm so in love with my boyfriend right now. Everything is perfect, but we want totally different things in bed. Like, he's always turning the lights on, you know what I'm saying? And I shut them off, and he turns them on, and the other day, he's like, 'Amy, why are you so shy? You know, you have a beautiful body.' I was like, 'Oh my god, you're so cute. You think I don't want you to see me?'

Value of piTeacher: What is the value of Pi? Student: Depending on what pie. Usually is $12.99

Pregnant womanA 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman.
Boy: Why do you look so fat?
Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me.
Boy: Is it a good baby?
Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby.
Boy: Then why did you eat it?!