After going through surrogacy and having twins, this is the story of my life after fulfilling my dream to become a father.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Developing

So today is the boys' three month birthday! That means tonight they will sleep through the night, right? Isn't that how it works? I hear that babies start sleeping through the night at three months.

OK...I know that's not quite how baby development works. But wouldn't it be nice if it did?

Even if the sleeping through the night skill isn't quite there yet, there are some other great developments. Both boys are starting to grab more. Babies grab from the start, but now they're starting to grab for things in front of them. Aaron had a death grip on my finger yesterday. He also tracks objects well as we move them from side to side and loves listening to the crinkly paper toy as we make the noise near his left ear and then his right. Jeff was able to grab some rings on the playtime mat, he was having fun with a little, plush soccer ball yesterday and he is trying to hold his bottle. Our nanny sent us a picture today of him holding his bottle. He can't lift it to drink from it (it was empty anyway) but that boy is determined to feed himself. Plus, both boys are fascinated by sign language. When they're crying and screaming I simply sign to them and the hands moving around often help them calm down. I also swear that if I sign "milk" as I'm making their bottles the crying and fussing decreases. I think they might be understanding that sign and that milk will be coming soon.

As hard as it is and as much as I complain about the lack of sleep, I love having twins. I'm so excited to know that these boys will have each other. I can't wait to watch them play together (especially because Daddy won't always want to play space ranger vs. Batman for 7 hours a day). I also want to make sure that they each have their own identities. I do refer to them as "the boys" or "the twins" a lot. They're only three months old so their individuality isn't markedly different at this point. Still, they will be as different or as alike as any two brothers and it will be fun to see their personalities and interests grow and develop.

The negative side of having twins is that I want to compare them to each other. When Jeff could prop himself up on his arms first I wondered if Aaron would be cursed with a life of being picked last for kickball every time. (He won't be. He can prop himself up now.) When Aaron started smiling I wondered why Jeff wasn't and worried he had that rare disease that makes it impossible to smile. (He doesn't. He can smile now too.) I know it's all ok. Kids pick things up in their own time and each child has his strengths. I'm really not worrying.

I think about how I started this whole fatherhood journey on my own. I knew having one child on my own would have been tough. Very tough. Being alone with twins 800 miles from my family I have no idea how I would have survived more than the first 72 hours. Now, with my Prince Derek in my life, I am lucky enough to be able to stay home with the boys -- oops...I mean Jeff and Aaron -- several days a week and watch them learn and grow and figure out the world. If I were on my own working twice as hard to have half as much time with my children I'm not sure I'd be able to enjoy any moment with them. I understand now why it's so hard for parents to go back to work and miss out on these first few years with their kids. It is magical and special. I'm glad I get to be so involved in their lives which is a luxury many parents don't have. Derek and I couldn't be doing this without each other -- and that's the way I like it.

it is very hard not to compare them, isn't it?! i find myself doing it too and i chastise myself each time because they're going to figure things out in their own time ... but they'll always figure it out. i'm so glad to know i'm not alone in this!