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seriously though. I never really stayed too angry at any of my old boyfriends because they really never did me wrong that bad that I had to (except for the one who died of course...still angry at that one!). I'm the one who usually broke it off. Makes me wonder how long they stayed mad at me?!? :?

I've often wondered the same thing!! I wonder if there are guys out there who still have my pic on their dart board or something.

I've never had anyone break up with me... but have been pushed to a position of having to call it off with someone else to the point of totally resenting them for it. There are a couple in the past who I will stay mad at forever.

I haven't ever experienced that really but I do agree that a song or a situation takes you back in time. I guess I've healed enough in all my relationships to not get wound up over some stimuli returning from the past.

I wasn't mad at my ex after we broke up. It took me some time to think about it and rethink and rethink... and I got really really mad. Exchanged some nasty emails back and forth, LOOL

Anyway, I had a small talk to one of my male friends when I cam back home and he made me realise that I was upset at him, but it was not him the guilty one, it was me. HE never actually forced me into anything :? .

It was a great lesson I've learnt. Maybe he would have been a better bf if I'd pushed him harder or maybe we'd have broken up sooner...

So anyway, we broke up last february, I stopped being angry at him at the end of the summer. Totally got over it this fall.

My friend told me the other day that the way people usually know for sure that a relationship is over is when they feel angry enough to tell the other person to drop dead and mean it (the language was a little more colourful but you get my drift). Apparently, I need lessons in acrimony I always try and end things amicably.

I suppose anger can be useful in getting you out of a relationship when it's no longer working. It just seems an awful way to let go of someone you've loved. Maybe I'd feel differently if I'd been very badly treated.

. and I got really really mad. Exchanged some nasty emails back and forth, LOOL

I became the QUEEN of the meanie mails and nasty grams! In retrospect...I shouldn't have done it. It wasn't a healty way to express myself...nor did it solve anything. BUT...at the time....it seemed like quite the plan. LOL!

We've talked about this before, ages ago. Anger can be a way of stopping yourself falling apart and of telling the other person how you feel about what they have done, both essential parts of recovery. It only becomes problematic if you get stuck at that stage for too long as the relationship is still consuming you, preventing you from getting over it completely.

It can be very effective in communicating your feelings, far more so than patiently explaining them and having them ignored. I've observed this myself, watching someone take a very different approach to communicating than I have in the same situation. There are risks (in this case he totally alienated the person) but some of it got through. Sometimes it's necessary.

The nice thing about getting angry about the situation is that, for me at least, all the real pain is over and I'm bitter because I have to get on with my life. The anger for me subsides reasonably quickly as well.

I still am angry at most of my exes. They were all dead beats for the most part anyway. I'm not so much mad at them, but myself 'cause I'm the type that refuses to let go, even when the shit hits you and the fan. :wink:

No, rather then to just look at the facts- for example- this person is bad with money, they don't call when they say they will, etc., I'd try to make them change into super boyfriend.

Guilt trips and the like. It's like I thought if I just kept giving more of myself that they'd eventually see the light and shape up. Boy was I way off base.

Now, I realize that if a person is not for you, if you don't like who they are and what they do, and they're not willing to shape up, then f*ck 'em. You can't make someone perfect like you can a poem or a painting.

We live in an age when women feel it a weakness to admit that inherently they would desire a man who is a man. This includes their God-given ability and willingness to take care of you.

When a man is a weenie.....well....it just doesn't work. The respect and need to rely on him..isn't there. The chain of command is off.

I'm not suggesting that finances are a one way street. It takes two people working together. BUT ONE....has to be strong enough to be the CEO of the relationship corporation. Generally, that position is given to the male.

If I went out with a guy and he couldn't afford to buy me even a cheap dinner.....no matter how progressive I tried to view it.....I'd think less of him. It's THAT simple.

You can't make excuses for a deadbeat. If he doesn't have the capacity of being a man...why would you trust him to take care of your children? It's not about money...it's about PRIDE and RESPECT.

You find a man who is willing to crawl over hot coals for the safety of their children....and thats the man you will fall in love with....till you grow old and gray.

Re: When Love Turns To Anger

No, rather then to just look at the facts- for example- this person is bad with money, they don't call when they say they will, etc., I'd try to make them change into super boyfriend.

Guilt trips and the like. It's like I thought if I just kept giving more of myself that they'd eventually see the light and shape up. Boy was I way off base.

Now, I realize that if a person is not for you, if you don't like who they are and what they do, and they're not willing to shape up, then f*ck 'em. You can't make someone perfect like you can a poem or a painting.

Off topic, but I'm struggling with this at the moment. I have found someone who I want to build a relationship with, but she has a couple minor issues that I deem to be highly "fixable." It's a tough call though ... settling for someone not exactly perfect for you ... or trying to help them see the potential that you see and want it for themselves ... or just moving on.

As to the topic of this thread ... I went through lots of ups and downs after the breakup. Angry emails were a popular way to express myself, especially when I didn't feel any other communication options were available to me. It was frustrating. But, I eventually learned to vent to friends instead of to her, and to try and keep communications with her constructive and friendly. I'm glad I did. It smoothed over a lot of hurt feelings, and allowed for the relationship to move into the next phase. There are kids involved, so I don't ever want to sever all ties completely. There are still moments of anger, but I try to keep them in check. And they are getting fewer and farther in between as time goes by.

Re: When Love Turns To Anger

do u know when at timesd ur a person who never research for such problems because ur a perfectionist i mean as in wanting to be ?

however today i researched love and anger because i am not angry now but angry infront of her and when im away its more then love i feel i want to vomit , everytime i eat i cant eat ive lost 22kg since these 2 years im eating a meal a day and sometimes just ch ocolate , i know her v.much that i can know things but why lie at me why be a traitor after the full year of love , now i know whos fault it is it is myne because im older , but if she had a filter to see between the problems i made its not a problem however its more then love .

shes 19 and im 26 and i hope 1 day she understand how i felt but i wish her to live a happy life ...

i have 3 options arising in my fading brain that sparkles to my soul , i cant live properly ,
the option#1 , find another women
option#2 , be a criminal and accept punishments from here or afterlife
option#3 , killmyself
option#4 , kill all the people she meets even if their related

expressing me now is hard but sleeping lastnight on my left sweating , i dont cry but tears fall , after it does i turn into a cold dead feeling

Re: When Love Turns To Anger

Looking way back at some previous ex bf's... I feel anger towards none of them. Only one of whom deserved anger anyway. Once he was truly out of my life, and it was made impossible for him to contact me, I let everything go. Only when I knew I wasn't going to get a random phone call, email, text - anything, did I let it all go.

This time though.. I don't know, pretty angry at him, but more so at myself for allowing things to get this far. For making incredibly bad decisions..