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WWE suspends wrestler for passing steroid test

World Wrestling Entertainment made some news on Monday, when it was announced that they had suspended one of their top contenders- Todd “Sasquatch” Sorensen, for what they deemed to be a violation of their “wellness policy”.

But the Daly Dose has learned that the violation consisted of Sasquatch actually passing a drug test, and proving that he is in fact, steroid free.

“Look, we have certain expectations for our wrestlers.” said WWE Chairman Vince McMahon. “We expect them to take care of their bodies, and Sasquatch failed to live up to those expectations. As a result, we are forced to suspend him for 60 days after which, he can test again and hopefully get it right.”

Sasquatch was baffled by the ruling.

“Look, I may not be a very smart man. I am just a hard working guy, that goes to work every day, and tries to carve out my own version of the American dream.” Sasquatch responded on Monday. “I had thought that I was doing what was right by avoiding anabolic steroids of any kind. But I can see now that I made a huge mistake.”

Sasquatch continued “I will make this right. I am working right now to try to attain as many anabolic steroids as I can get my hands on. Does anyone have Alex Rodriguez’s phone number? Jose Canseco? The Russian track team?”

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