My BIL hosted nephew's last birthday at an amusement park. Nephew was allowed to invite a few friends and BIL and SIL were prepared to cover the costs of said friends, though all but one had season's passes and didn't need to be covered. They still provided adequate snacks/meals for all the kids (pre-teens).

Sadly this has happened twice to us over the past year. DD's been invited to a party, I call to RSVP and find out about the "upcharge." Both times I've simply said "I'm sorry, but we haven't budgeted for that. We'll have to change our acceptance to a decline."

Both times the parents have been irritated and wanted to argue with me. One said "I can't believe you expect us to pay your daughter's way." I simply replied "I don't expect you to pay my daughter's way, I am simply informing you that under those circumstances she is unable to attend."

We are hosting a bday party for our dd...we don't expect anyone to pay for anything. If we do it elsewhere we would pay for the costs. I haven't gone to many around here but the only thing that it seems people expect is you to show up when you RSVP and hopefully have a good time. I would decline where I would have to pay extra on top of the gift. For a lot of people its asking a lot to shell out money for a gift AND X amount. Here a lot of people would decline the invite just on that alone..

Sadly this has happened twice to us over the past year. DD's been invited to a party, I call to RSVP and find out about the "upcharge." Both times I've simply said "I'm sorry, but we haven't budgeted for that. We'll have to change our acceptance to a decline."

Both times the parents have been irritated and wanted to argue with me. One said "I can't believe you expect us to pay your daughter's way." I simply replied "I don't expect you to pay my daughter's way, I am simply informing you that under those circumstances she is unable to attend."

Wow, you're a lot more polite that I think I would be able to be. I'd be tempted to reply "I can't believe you expect us to pay for your child's birthday party"

Rohanna, no one said that. What we said is some people go so overboard on these parties trying to compete with each other that it is funny and I personally have quit going to the I can top you parties simply because I hate getting involved in these mommy squabbles where everyone stands around sniping about the hostess. I always have my kids parties at the park simply because I don't want to worry someone will let a cat out or something gets broke, plus I don't have to clean . The problem would be if your sister had one of these parties and charged the parents for the pleasure of their child to come celebrate.

"Kids, and/or their parents, think there's something wrong with a "home made" birthday party, and can only imagine the kind of commercially-branded consumer-fest that all those "real" people on TV have."

"Children's parties have gotten totally out of control. What ever happened to ice cream, cake and running around the back yard?"

Logged

My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world. ~ Jack Layton.

If you can only afford drinks, then host a drinks party. If you chose to host it somewhere which also provides food you can invite people to a drinks party and let them know that the venue also offers food so they will be able to order food for themselves if they wish, but if I were asked to pay $30 per head for an engagement party (or wedding reception,or adults birthday party) it would bug me in the same way and for the same reasons as if I/my child were asked to pay $30 to attend a friend's party.

(I haven't been to many engagement parties, but those I have been to have all been either very small (a meal at a restaurant, hosted and paid for by the engaged couple, for very close friends and family) or larger but more informal (Party at someone's home, with drinks and nibbles provided by the engaged couple as hosts, (and on one occasion by their parents) or very informal (drinks in a pub one evening, first couple of rounds paid for by the engaged couple)

I mostly agree with Margo- if the buffet was an integral part of attending the engagement party, then you should have paid. If it was "We are inviting you to drinks at this lovely place, they also serve yummy tapas for $30 a head if you want something to eat" then you are in the clear.

I do think in the case of adults, you have the option of "inviting along" as opposed to "inviting to" in some social circles- but that does not apply to an engagement party, or any event called a party, as there is supposed to be a host. My group of friends back in Ireland used to do that- someone would organise a get-together in a restaurant, make the reservation etc, and they may do it around their birthday because that is when they thought of it, but everyone would pay for themselves and no-one would call it a birthday PARTY, just some friends meeting for dinner.

It was very informal, just family and close friends meeting for dinner and the invites were all phone calls and at the time I did ask if they minded paying for their meal. It was a banquet, not a buffet, we were served food from the banquet menu which lowered the price significantly.

And with our family, we have done similar things. The point was we got together for a meal and enjoyed each others company, which we did.

I've been thinking about this for a few days, and I really think that it is the bait and switch part that would make me angry. At least if the wording on the invitation indicated that I'd be paying her way (and how much I'd be paying) I'd know immediately whether or not I'd want to RSVP yes or no. Hosts in question would count on the fact that people will feel to awkward to change their answer when given the new information. In addition, my DD gets really excited get birthday party invitations. I'd hate to get her hopes up with a "Yes" only to turn around and try to explain that I couldn't afford to send her.

Op can you tell us about what kind of party it was? I would not send my child with that much money. That is insane. Now if it was a chuck e cheese thing or a build a bear I could understand the parent saying they allotted x amount of tickets or each child will get a teddy bear and if they want to get anything else they may want to bring extra. But to ask to pay for everything? No way. How about having a party you can afford. Some of the best parties my kids have been to are the ones given at home.

This one event is laser tag. It's an expensive adventure just for your one kid to go to, let alone funding a half a dozen of them. I myself would not plan a party for my child at this venue because I simply cannot afford it. These other parents are planning a party for their child and I am expected to fork over extra cash for it, which I am complying to at the moment, but this is not something I can afford to do on any long-term basis with two kids and their various events. I'm going to have to start saying no if these birthday parties are going to run some $10, $20 or $30 outside of what I'm already spending on a gift and a drive across town. This is new to me that these parties are requiring extra cash and I'm wondering what is going on and if this is the new normal.

No, not the "new normal" at all. In the scores of parties that my sons have attended, I can't recall this happening once.

Never happened to us. What's more of an issue at the away parties we go to is the parent who decides to buy their kid a treat spontaneously and not discreetly - like the parent who bought his daughter an ice cream at the zoo when everyone was walking together. We just have a rule that when we visit a place for our friend's birthday we just do the birthday and that's it (once we went back to the museum a few hours later, but the break helps reinforce the manners with the mini ones).

Sadly this has happened twice to us over the past year. DD's been invited to a party, I call to RSVP and find out about the "upcharge." Both times I've simply said "I'm sorry, but we haven't budgeted for that. We'll have to change our acceptance to a decline."

Both times the parents have been irritated and wanted to argue with me. One said "I can't believe you expect us to pay your daughter's way." I simply replied "I don't expect you to pay my daughter's way, I am simply informing you that under those circumstances she is unable to attend."

FWIW I'm a party-at-home mom, but I do think that the parties at home can end up being way more work and way more expensive, even without considering the cost of time and the resources needed to have a house large enough.