This Week In The Laboratories Of Democracy

Welcome back to our weekly survey of what's going down in the several states where, as we know, the real work of governmentin' gets done, and where the sky, too, is falling under you.

We begin generally in our Watch Out For This Hogwash category as apparently there are a great deal of people who claim to revere our Founding Fathers so much that they're willing to trade the work of Madison and Hamilton for that of a second-rate talk-show host who got his start in politics as an anti-Clinton ratfcker in the glory days of anti-Clinton ratfkery. Oh, and for that of a back-bench CPA from Wisconsin.

"I started the meeting with a discussion about what authority the convention would have," recalled Wisconsin Rep. Chris Kapenga, a CPA who was swept into office in the 2010 Tea Party wave. He was one of the five organizers of the meeting, and he emphasized several times that Democrats were in the room. This wasn't about any partisan goal. It was about states reclaiming the power they'd ceded, through stasis and lack of strategy, to the feds, by getting 34 states to call for a convention.The meeting lasted four hours, ending when legislators agreed to meet again in the spring of 2014. That's the most progress anyone's made in decades toward a states-first constitutional amendment campaign. A few liberals have glommed onto the idea, (Ed. Note: Fairly well defining the phrase "useful idiots.")but right now all of the enthusiasm for Article V is coming from the right.

The notion that its time for various unindicted state representatives and hacks who are still at large to gather and blue-pencil us a new form of government has cropped up conservative politics fairly regularly. Ronald Reagan once more than hinted that a new constitutional convention might be in order. That notion never really went anywhere, largely because people looked at their state governments, gasped out the phrase, "Those fking guys?", and then fell about laughing for six hours. This, however, is a more clever strategy, given that, out in the states, Those Fking Guys already have passed lunatic notions into law fairly regularly over the past three years. And there's money and organization behind it that was never there before. And the idea of a convention hasn't gone away, either.

Meckler and his colleagues would make it easy. In the book, CFSG listed a few "examples of amendment topics" that were stalled in Washington but doable at a convention: a balanced budget amendment, term limits for the Supreme Court, "a prohibition of using international treaties and law to govern the domestic law of the United States," and a "limit" on taxes. The convention would be centered not on any one of these ideas, but "for the purpose of limiting the power and jurisdiction of the federal government." The chance of success? "Almost certain." If that wasn't enough, the conservative legislators who stopped by this panel heard an endorsement from a real politician. Wisconsin Sen. Ron Johnson, another member of the 2010 Tea Party class, suggested Article V as a way of rolling back the government, because Washington never would. "They are giving away candy, and it is tasty stuff," he said. "We've got the drill and the Novocaine to fix the cavity."

Of course, there is the usual conservative brawl between the Judean People's Front and the People's Front of Judea, mainly over the feeling that Mark Levin is an imperfect vessel through which to carry out the grand design, what with his being a career ratfker with a talk show.

Without Levin, far fewer conservatives would be tingling at the mention of "Article V." The legislators who met in Mount Vernon had their qualms with giving Levin credit. "He called me up to have me on his show," said Kapenga. "That was a little frustrating, because I saw a couple of people saying this was inspired by Levin's book. This was planned before the book! All of a sudden, people say, 'Oh, these guys must have readThe Liberty Amendments.' But this is a nonpartisan idea. Prof. Lawrence Lessig, who definitely doesn't agree with Mark Levin, has said that we're doing something that makes sense."

Dear Jesus, help me.

That's true. There are progressive-minded legal thinkers who like the idea of states blowing past the unmanageable Congress. "Relying on ALEC will assure that the specific proposals will be untenably right-wing," said University of Texas law professor Sandy Levinson. "But, of course, that doesn't guarantee they'll get to the magic number of 34, let alone the further magic number of 38 actually to amend the Constitution." Some good-government reform, like multiple-member House districts, would combat gerrymandering in a way that cut against Republicans.

So the liberal thinking on this is that conservatives will have to let liberal ideas into the mix in order to get the requisite votes to return America to the miraculous days of the Articles Of Confederation? And to think that people say liberals are tactically obtuse.

Let us leave the magic precincts of conservative Tomorrowlandand see what's been happening in those states that, under the new plan, will have renewed power to shape the future. For example, let's start in Wisconsin, the state that gave us New Founding Father Ron (Shreds Of Freedom) Johnson as comic relief in the U.S. Senate. The proud birthplace of progressive reform is not having any of this snuggling-for-hire business.

A posting on the Snuggle House's Facebook page late Friday said the business had closed. Attorney Tim Casper, who represents Snuggle House owner Matthew Hurtado, confirmed the closure to The Associated Press on Monday. He says Hurtado was tired of scrutiny from city officials, who were concerned the business could be a brothel and the potential for sexual assaults, as well as negative publicity. Casper says the business had several dozen clients. But he says Hurtado didn't open the business to make money. He did it because he believes non-sexual touching can relieve stress.

So can not voting for Scott Walker twice, but that train has sailed as well.

Or we can move along to Michigan, where someone who certainly would play a major role in that state's delegation to the gathering of the New Founding Fathers had some thoughts about gay people that he felt compelled to share.

He said American Airlines workers would say a person with AIDS was their lover so that person could get medical benefits. "Folks, they (gay people) want free medical because they're dying (when they're) between 30 and 44 years old," he said. "To me, it's a moral issue. It's a Biblical issue. Traditional marriage is where it should be and it's in our platform. Those in our party who oppose traditional marriage are wrong."

I'm sure that, once the gathering of geniuses gets that pesky old gay-rights agenda buried for good, old Dave there will be right on board with the liberal project of increasing liberal representation in the U.S. House. But let's stay in Michigan, where the state legislature there has developed a new and innovative way to make sure that the ladies are not misusing their ladyparts, which certainly will be a topic of great debate when the New Founding Fathers gather to make us a republic again.

Michigan's Republican-led Legislature Wednesday approved a controversial bill preventing women from using insurance to pay for an abortion unless they purchase coverage separately. The law, backed by Right to Life of Michigan, will take effect in March. It does not require the governor's signature and will not appear on a state ballot.

Bear in mind. Rick Fking Snyder thought this idea too extreme. (SPLITTER!) He clearly will have to be watched closely as we design our new shining city on the hill, where the snowflake Jesus babies will have rights, and may well elect a few of their own to office.

Or we could saunter on over the Pennsylvania, where Governor Tom Corbett, as lame a duck as has ever weakly quacked, has appointed an environmental chief for the state who leads me to have great confidence in Tom Corbett's ability to write a new Constitution.

"I've not read any scientific studies that would lead me to conclude there are adverse impacts to human beings, animals, or plant life at this small level of climate change," Abruzzo said at the time.

The one thing our New Founding Fathers agree on is that expertise is very much overrated.

And we end our trip in Oklahoma, where Blog Special Fossilized Plant Life Correspondent Friedman Of The Plains has been particularly busy. A few days back, we noted that some clever Satanists had taken advantage of the state legislature enthusiasm for public displays of Jeebusism to propose a modest and dignified Satanist monument on the grounds of the state capitol. Well, the potential New Founding Fathers in Oklahomawere having none of your demonic irony, thank you very much.

Before any new monument can go into production, it has to be approved by the Oklahoma Capitol Preservation Society. Duane Mass, the architect who designed the capitol building and serves on the preservation board, rejected the idea outright. "That's Oklahoma's house. It's not the Satanic club of New York's house," Mass said. Lawmakers expressed similar sentiments. "I think it is a joke," said Senate Pro Tem Brian Bingman (R-Sapulpa) to the Tulsa World. "This is a faith-based nation and a faith-based state," grumbled Rep. Earl Sears (R-Bartlesville) to the World, perhaps forgetting that Satanism is also a faith. "I think it is very offensive they would contemplate or even have this kind of conversation."

When I think of high-flown political debate over Whither Goest We? as a nation, I do not conceive of the answer to that question being either Sepulpa or Bartlesville, but I am an Eastern elitist bastard, and we've tried the plan of Eastern elitist bastards since 1789, and look where it's gotten us. A president who got re-elected and insists on acting like a president even though he has remained, you know, black. If only we'd kept Christ in Christmas.

Walker said the U.S. Supreme Court had defined "traditional winter celebrations" to include Christmas and Hanukah. "Every year around this time, we hear from a small but vocal minority that preaches tolerance yet fails to tolerate the several hundred year Judeo-Christian tradition of most Americans who celebrate Hanukah and Christmas," Walker said. "Our rights are God given and the government should protect and defend these rights." (Ed Note: But not those of Satanists.) Walker said he was asked to consider the legislation by Kathy LaFortune, wife of former Tulsa mayor Bill LaFortune and one of his constituents. "I want our public schools to be able to display Christmas decorations and other significant icons side by side without fear of lawsuits," LaFortune said. "Teachers should have the freedom to discuss the cultural and historic meanings behind these symbols with our children." LaFortune said the climate in public schools changed from the time she attended until her children did so "...to where the Christmas tree was no longer called a Christmas tree but a holiday tree and there was a growing absence of Christmas symbols and Hanukah symbols in all our winter traditions."

Some day, 200 years from now, people will dress up like Kathy LaFortune and complain about how the government has gotten too big and too distant from the principles set down by Mark Levin.

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