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Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Always Kissing Each Other a Lot in Public

Dear 15 year-old me:

Hi! This is a future and sexy version of you talking… Because, yeah! You’re not going to be so funny looking for that long; though, I shouldn’t have said that, you’re meant to develop a sense of humor to persuade people into liking us.

There are a lot things I could say about your questionable taste on clothes, hair, men, eyeliner and clothes, again (…sorry) but 1) you’re a moody teenager who already knows everything!1! and2) I’m my awesome self thanks to your mistakes, so I kinda maybe need you to mess up okthanksbye.

Of course, I wouldn’t be contacting you if I wasn’t planning on being remotely helpful. Here’s my only piece of advice:

Stop crying about him. Really. Just stop. Yes, we are talking about the same dude. Now, suck it up, it’s not that bad and… I really shouldn’t be saying this… You’re totally going to bang a British guy, a hot one, a nice one, a really cool one… I know, right? He’s the kind of guy who’ll get you to dance in the middle of a store, but, also, the kind of guy who does this awesome thing with his- you know what? You’re too young for this. But, now that you know about it, you have to promise me to be cool, ok? BE COOL!

My point is: you spend too much time whining and complaining. Is not as cool as you think to be unhappy. The sooner you learn that really good things happen when you, occasionally, get that stick out of your ass, the better. Things are just as bad as you made them out to be.

Extra helpful tips, since I’m effing nice.

A Krispy Kreme doughnut is the fastest way to temporarily fill that little void in your heart.

In case of a hickey: Just wear your hair down.

Sincerely,21 year-old you

P.S. I’m sorry to keep bothering you, just one quick favor: In a few years you’re getting a puppy; could you be a darling and keep your closet door closed while she’s going through that adorable chewing phase? We really loved those shoes. Thank you.

@Glenn. I haven’t really used a lot of the suggestions, not because they weren’t good, I simply didn’t write anything at all. I’ve been very lazy lately… Summer holidays do that to me; now that I’m back at school I will probably feel like writing more (thank you, by the way :*). Yeah, the whatever-year-old letters are fairly common. I’m not taking credit for that.

How can you forget?I actually tought you would remember me, but now I kind of regret...Typing on here, because now I just feel like a fool,But ok, I'm a guy that's nice, wise, and very cool.There, I gave you that awesome clue,On second tought, I was just getting to know you back then so I don't even know you.