In Tribute to Houston’s Ethos of Independent Thinking, MFAH Acquires A Kapoor Bean Exactly Like Chicago’s, But Vertical and Pointy

“We asked ourselves, what artwork could we purchase for millions of dollars that would truly reflect the wildcatting, independent spirit of Houston? And we looked at a ton of artworks out there, I mean a ton. We thought about all the artists we could commission a work of this scale from, because we really wanted to think outside the box on this one. We sure do like that bean thing in Chicago but we would never stoop to trying to copy what they did, which, goddamn, let’s face it: they’ve got a lot of people taking selfies out in front of, and you can’t put a price on that kind of free marketing, but still: we do our own thing here in Houston, we go our own way. So we would never in a million years just copy what they did in Chicago. Which is why we did something completely different; we forged our own path, and bought a radical, totally different, silver bean. It’s vertical. Instead of horizontal. And also it’s kind of skinny and pointy.

“Does is look like a big erect penis? Well hell yes! We think of it as kind of our little ‘F-You’ to the Windy City, because after all we will be surpassing their weenie-assed population in 2030, if not 2020. Our big silver space rod has your deep dish in its sights, Chi-Town! This is what it looks like when a museum thinks for itself and gets crazy! Yeehaw!!!”

Well, gosh darn it! Yer saying that Chicago has one?! Well everyone knows that if one city has a work by a major artist, we can’t have one too. Why I heard tell that we’ve got Picasso, Manet and Calders just like them Yankees. Get rid of all of it and let’s only have artists not represented anywhere else. We’re art critics!

Gosh! Gary, we should have commissioned Jeff Koon$’ “Locomotive” piece that he has been trying to sell for years. It’s more in line with the city’s history and a guaranteed selfie magnet. I can talk to him, if you’re interested.