Life. Liberty. Pursuit of Our Next Beer.

The Hometown episode, while aired nearly two weeks ago is still an incredibly important episode because it gives us an in depth look into what family JoJo will be marrying into. As with every Hometown episode, I like to hand out awards for various categories ranging from hottest mom to longest face and much, much more. So with that, let’s dive right into the Hometown Awards!

The Rodgers’ House, Somewhere, California. It was a two horse race between Rodgers and Chase, but unfortunately for Chase, it appeared some aspects of his house were not up to codeNo railing on the staircase is just begging for a lawsuit.

Our next award is for Coolest Dad and the nominees:Chase’s Biological DadBrad, Chase’s Stepdad (“Brad” is such a stepdad name)Hoss, Luke’s DadEd Rodgers, Aaron’s Jordan’s Dad

And the winner is….

Chase’s Biological Dad! Congratulations! Luke’s dad, Big Hoss, was a pretty cool guy too, but based on this conversation between Chase, JoJo and Chase’s dad about the divorce, there’s no doubt in my mind that Chase’s dad was exactly like Randy Marsh when he and Sharon got a divorce.

And the winner is Chase’s Mom. Granted this is a GOD AWFUL picture of her, Chase’s mom brought the heat. We actually had ourselves a pretty strong class of moms this season. Darla, while I’m sure was a dime in her hayday is more of a classic beauty. Darla is lovely. Luke’s Mom was on a lower tier than the other three. Chase’s mom reminds me of a MILF from porn and Robby’s mom actually looks like an actual MILF pornstar named “Deauxma”

So that was pretty neat too. Chase’s mom got the W because I feel like she just wrecks dicks. Robby’s mom, while looks like an actual dick wrecker, gave me more of a “love making” vibe.

And the Next Award is Best Statue That Looks Like it’s Pissing:And the winner is THIS STATUE from Robby’s date! Not sure what it is, but it looks like it’s pissing in a ton of different directions. Maybe the statue had sex the night before and a little bit of residue was still in it’s urethra causing the urine stream to break in different directions

The next award is Hottest Siblings and the nominees…Chase’s sisterFat Aaron Rodgers with Jordan Rodgers hair aka Luke Rodgers

Abbie Pell, Luke’s sister

Robby’s Siblings

And the winner, in a landslide is Luke’s sister. I’m not going to lie, when I saw Robby’s sisters I thought “oh hey they’re not bad. Best we got so far!” In fact, Robby’s brothers are good looking dudes, better looking than Robby at least. But then we went to Luke’s hometown and I found love. Abbie Pell came into my life. The picture I had of her was foggy and did not do her justice so I decided to creep on her Instagram and find another picture. Abbie Pell for the W.

With just a few awards left let’s go to the next one, Best Date. The nominees are:

Chase with “Playing in the Snow and then Talking to Dad About His Ugly Divorce.”

Jordan with “Glory Days- Walk Around My High School and Look at Old Pictures of Me and Talk About Not Talking About Aaron Rodgers”

Robby with “Take a Carriage Around Jacksonville and then Have My Mom Tell Me That My Ex Said I left Her to Come Onto the Show.”

Luke with “Backyard BBQ and Romantic Candlelit Pathway to a Heart”

And the winner is…uhhh obviously Luke. There were literally no negatives in his entire date and that’s why he got sent home wait what? (More on that in part two of the Super Blog)