A brother returns from exile to stir up the past. A widower observes his daughter blossoming amid the carnage of war. A short story collection

Sunday, 7 February 2016

15 Laws of the Literary Life

Thanks to everyone who has pledged so far - it means a lot, and the book is well on its way to existing. We've a long way to go, so do spread the word.

But for now...

If you’re not a writer, you might have a certain perception of the literary life. Take Hollywood, with its portrayal of the drink and drug addled escapades of wild writers such as Hemingway, Hunter S. Thompson and Truman Capote. Sadly, or happily, depending upon your liver, the truth is a little more mundane. Here are 15 universal ‘truths’ I’ve unearthed from a dozen years banging at keys and gazing at a flickering cursor.

1. Where before you had real-life, flesh and bone friends, 96% of your social life will now occur online.

2. Hemingway said in order to write you just need to sit at a desk and open a vein. When things are going badly, it’s important to remember this is a metaphor.

3. Most of your best ideas will surface at 4am, when you don’t have pen and paper on your bedside table, and you have a hangover.

4. Your family will be convinced a character is either based on them or actually them. Nothing you say will persuade them otherwise.

5. In the morning, yesterday’s words that you regarded sublime, will seem mediocre.

6. Everyone you meet at parties (ha, like you get to go to parties) will be either writing a novel, be about to, or know someone who is. They will want to talk about this (see #2).

7. In the morning, yesterday’s words that you regarded mediocre, will seem the worst thing anyone has ever written.

8. Nobody will notice or care if you grow a beard. Especially if you’re a man.