Debating between dream job offer or continuing as SAHM? HELP!

Gina - posted on 06/22/2012
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I have a 2.5 year old boy, he is an only child and has always been under my care. When he was born my husband and I decided that we didn't want to put him in daycare and I would be his primary caregiver until he is ready for elementary school, so I quit work (before having my son I was a career/working woman and loved it). Now that he is a toddler, he is extremely friendly, super active, sometimes very hyperactive and outgoing when it comes to meeting new people (both kids and adults) he does very well. I on the other hand feel like I'm a terrible SAHM,often feel isolated and depressed. Recently I was offered a job that sounds like a wonderful fit for me, but I can't shake off feeling guilty for even considering leaving him, my husband says he will support my decision either way, financially we are living the frugal life and the extra money wouldn't hurt, but it's not a total necessity either. My fear is that if I dont take this job an opportunity this good may not present itself 3/4 years from now.

I have an interview coming up next week so I have to make a final decision. What would you do in my place? please help!

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Chantel - posted on 09/24/2012

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Ask yourself, "Am I wanting the job because I dont feel good being a SAHM?" I am asking you because this is how I felt. Having taught for 12 years before my daughter was born and then choosing to stay home was a lot more difficult than I thought. When people would ask what I do I would say, " I stay at home with my daughter, but I have a Master's degree in Elementary Education and use to teach". I had to justify that I had an "important" job at one time. Society doesnt value us as much as we shoud be valued and it takes a lot of hard work to let go of the negativie views of being a SAHM. I had been home with my daughter for almost a year when I decided it was time to go back to work. I applied for several teaching positions. I recieved a call for an interview for one, but it was impossible to work out daycare (currently live in Guam and there are no daycares in the area I live) and I never got a call back from the other. I also applied for other jobs which centered around education, but were not in the classroom. I didnt have any success with those either. Finally a friend told me, maybe God wasnt ready for me to stop being a SAHM. I finally surrendered to the idea and have been much happier. NOW, if you were not plagued by any of the stuff I just talked about go for it. Just dig deep and make sure that the info we have been sold all of our lives about SAHM (we're lazy, undeducated, dependent) is not making the choice for your decision.

I would definately go to the interview, especially if working makes you happy. In most homes both parents are working so there is no need to feel guilty, plus you wil enjoy the time you have with your son even more. I like you tried staying at home as well, but I became very bored rather quickly. I found a wonderful job that has great hours for me (Monday to friday 8 to 430) and are also willing to work around appointments and what not. I feel that socially interacting my kids in a daycare/ pre school setting helped them gain social skills, independance and are not so clingy to me. The transition from daycare to school was also a lot easier as they were used to being in daycare from young ages. AS for financially most places have a subsidy program for day care so the cost need not be too high as well it is hard nowadays to be ablet o save money for college, retirement, etc with only one income. My spouse and I live off of his income and we bank my paycheques into a savings account for retirement, college funds etc., Also, I like to keep myself independent and believe that anything could happen to my spouse and I do not want to have to be looking for a job after sitting at home for 15 years. The decision ultimately is up to you but do not feel guilt for going back to work. COngrats on the new job!!

I would continue weighing your options, go through the interview process and weigh the pros and cons. You son is 2.5 so you will need daycare, have you started looking for one? Will the salary that you will earning cover the cost of daycare? Will there be money left over to help cover bills? Will that amount of money be enough money for you to justify not being around your son all the time?

I work full time outside the home, my husband did as well up to a couple of months ago when he lost his job. He worked nights and I worked days because one of our salaries would of been eaten up by the cost of daycare and it wouldn't make sense for us to pay daycare. Good luck with the interview and your decision.

8 Comments

Definitely go to the interview. You can always turn down the job if you decide its not as good of an offer as it originally seemed. You don't want to miss a golden opportunity and your son is at a good age to learn to be part of a group.

Go to the interview! It sounds like that would be perfect for you. And who knows if another opportunity like this will exist in 2 years when your son goes to school?

Don't let what other people think affect your decision. Figure out what you and your husband think. No matter what you do you can feel guilty. If you stay home, you're being a bad example to your children saying that women can't work, you're denying them socialization with other kids, you're giving them a boring, unhappy mom and destroying your own brain by only thinking about diapers and toy trucks and napping schedules, and you're just an all-around bad mother. If you go to work, you're neglectful, you'll miss milestones, you're selfish, and you're just an all-around bad mother. See? There's plenty of opportunity to feel guilty! :P

So ignore all that, and figure it out for yourself. Your son will be fine, you'll find a nice place for him to spend the day and he'll learn to love it and get things out of it that he wouldn't have if he was home with you. (and conversely, he'll miss out on things that he *would* have if he was was home with you, but you always need to make those choices)

Some things to consider:

1. financial situation 2. childcare 3. will you be expected to work a lot of overtime? 4. your husband's willingness to pitch in with the housework so that you don't have to do both jobs and have a nervous breakdown

For myself, I work one day a week with summers off and I love it. I love going away to a grown-up situation and using my skills and making money for our family, and I love coming back again and having lots of time with my son, volunteering, and hobbies. If I had to choose between working fulltime and not at all, I would be sad and choose not at all. But that's my personal (with my husband) decision, and it will be different for everybody. I wish my friend would go back to work, I think it would suit her much better. But she's trapped in the "good moms stay with their kids 24-7" mentality that seems to be trying to trap you as well.

I've just done the same thing. My youngest is 2.5 and I have just started full time work. I was working 8 hours a week for the last year but couldn't pass up the pay to go full time.

I have 2 boys in school and then my daughter is my 3rd and final. My husband and I agreed that I had spent over 2 years at home and if I didn't take the opportunity now then when our daughter was in school it could be too late.