Sometimes I marvel at our ability to deceive ourselves. Or forget that the lesson we thought we learned but that we need to learn over and over again until it’s actually been absorbed. For me, I tend to fall back into my old habits of visualizing an intention/outcome and allowing a way forward to swirl out of the fog in the back of my mind. I forget that the way forward that I’ve visualized may well be an imperfect solution and that course corrections or lessons may appear, swirling out of the mists in my mind. These course corrections or lessons can be amazing and such “a ha” moments. And I’m clearly a better person for having started down a path and then altered my trajectory based on this input.

But sometimes I forget this. I hold onto my intentions and fixate on the path before me that I get utterly rigid and forget to hold my expect outcomes lightly. I attach to both the method and the outcome and I forget to allow space for my intention or something better to show up. And the truth is that I tend to forget that I WANT the mystery of life to be utterly apparent in my life. I WANT to be in the flow of the magic that life can be. Life is easier and just so much more fun when the mystery that is life bubbles up right before me. I am always amazed and grateful when it becomes apparent that there is something out there giving me boosts towards my “right” life and blocking my old habits.

In my case, right now, I have the opportunity to provide some consulting services for a short term effort. The effort is relatively lucrative and it would help us achieve a better financial reality. But when faced with doing the work, I find it very difficult to bring myself to do it. It’s not in line with my authentic desires and I’m working by myself, both of which are just not suited for me. Trying to force myself to do the work, without anyone to spark off of through conversations and batting ideas around, simply aren’t working for me anymore.

And so I despaired. I had a great deal of anxiety of my inability to just push through and “do the work”. This last about 5 days until I realized that I was feeling anxious and out of alignment when I realized it’s better to delegate and so I’m now focused on hiring fellow consultants to help with the work. Without getting too deep into the weeds of this situation, I’ll just say that another way forward presented itself to me. It’s perhaps not as directly lucrative to me but it helps me find a way forward so that my authenticity and my need to work with colleagues are both honored. And so more of my needs will be met in a much more loving supportive way.

And my anxiety vanished. My despair, which was highly tied to the feeling that I HAD to accomplish my original goals in a strict and rigid way, eased. I can make money, be authentic, and work with others. I just needed to open myself up to new possibilities.

What Do You Really Want? Interim Goals or the Whole Enchilada

It wasn’t until I learned about giving the methods over to the Universe that I realized I can easily ask for the end, desired outcome. For example, I remember putting it out to the Universe that I wanted a job working from home so I could save time on my commute and work on my own business. Why didn’t I instead focus on supporting the effort to launch a successful business? Or now, I want to move overseas and live in Ubud, Bali for a time. I want to live there and have the full on spiritual experience, with yoga, sound bath sessions, kundalini yoga, kirtan, and more. So I put that out in the Universe and my partner has been wanting to just go an do it.

I’ve been holding back because of all my limiting thoughts and concerns: My Dad is pretty old and not in the best of health. My sister is my nanny and how can I bail on her. Do we have enough money, will I have enough help, will there be enough for the twins to do in Ubud, and on and on.

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