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10 things from off of the internet to make you want to go home early

How’s it going? Had a hard week of, you know, marketing and stuff? Yeah, tell me about it. I wrote a whole blog post and went to an event, so I’m pretty beat myself.

Unfortunately regular round-up wrangler Christopher Ratcliff has taken the day off to go to New York Comicon, so it looks like it’s up to me to guide you through everything utterly amazing we saw online this week.

Oh, hang on, that actually sounds like brilliant fun – let’s go!

RIDE THE TI-GAH!

The diminutive voice of fantasy-metal may be gone, but his wisdom lives on. Even if his wisdom mainly consists of shouting things about ‘evil eyes’ or spending $100,000+ on two fake dragons (admit, if you could, you would too).

Anyway, now you too can access these startling insights thanks to the Ronnie James Dio advice generator:

2046AD: 30 years after the Simon Cowell wars.

Meet Hatsune Miku, one of Japan’s most popular synthetic singers, making her US debut on Letterman this week.

Technically speaking, she’s a ‘Vocaloid’. That’s basically a synth that’s been wired up to one of the cast of Tank Police (several of you will remember Tank Police, and will currently be pretending you don’t) and taught to siiiiing.

Just like whoever is currently on ‘The X Factor’, amirite?

“I’m not very likeable. I hate people, and I just want to be left alone. Oh, and can I come work for you? “

Hunter S. Thompson’s cover letters are not like other people’s cover letters.

What’s the time, Mr. Wolf?

I’m assuming that most of the people reading this copy my example when choosing breakfast, and go for a balanced combination of some fag ash that’s lurking in the flat can of beer next to the bed, but, in a shocking revelation, it turns out that different people do different things around the world, and none more so than our children.

For every Snap Crackle and Pop, there’s a ‘hit it over the head with a stick first’ going on at breakfast tables worldwide, as this fascinating NYT article discovers…

Hey Ho, let’s never go to this website again.

Although the changing URL is quite cool

Monitoring buzz metrics in a world gone mad

I spend at least… oh I don’t know, four minutes a week trying to smash our engagement targets on Twitter (It helps that we don’t actually have any).

If only I’d known about this earlier I could have saved myself a lot of effort:

If you want blood, you got it!

Frankly, I can only see this making a mess when it comes out of your 3D printer in a few years time.

Now if we can just develop a side salad that compliments you on your figure.

Me, a name I call yo momma

Admit it, this is amazing.

Pink helmet corner

Ben Davis sent me this link earlier in the week.

Was it because I was threatening my telephone with a hammer? Or maybe he just thought I’d look stylish.

Anyway, combat work stress with a pink helmet. Tune in next week when we combat hypertension with platform shoes

Cage corner

As you can see from this picture, Nic Cage watches over us in the Econsultancy office.

In a way he’s always been here, guiding our actions. Firing out alerts via an iBeacon we accidentally stuck to his head, so it feels only fitting that we end this week’s round-up in salute to our absent leader.

Here’s his top ten most insane performances for you.

Right, that’s it for another week. Why not sneak out of the office early today, and treat yourself to an autumnal stroll through the park?

Me and the internet are off to wait under the bridge so we can jump out and scare you. BYE!

Ello is being billed as the ad-free Facebook, but cynicism abounds online.

Many have highlighted how social networks have reneged on their philosophies in the past (in the eyes of their users) and Ello’s terms and conditions don’t exactly rule out ads.

I’m not sure yet what I think about Ello (I’m waiting for my invite request to be approved) and I realise the headline of this blog is like one of those spicily titled but ultimately bland editorials in marketing publications.

However, I thought I’d do a little run down of what Ello is, its USPs and where other social networks have held the same ground and ultimately decamped from it.

It’s a long time since a tweet meant just 140 characters and a little metadata for location.

It’s time to start asking what happens when Twitter Cards become little units of web in their own right.

With the launch of Audio Cards, we’re seeing one of the most distinct demonstrations of this potential so far.

While previous Cards could include sign-ups for email newsletters or allow you to play content directly in your stream, the new Audio Card has added a whole new function, and hints at a whole new dynamic.

We’re in the land of startups this week, spending a day in the life of Ann-Marie Rossiter, Head of Marketing at events marketplace HeadBox. As usual, we’ll be finding out what it takes to succeed in this role, from skills and tools to the daily routine. If you’d like to appear in this feature, get […]