In an era when fat people are "horizontally gifted," lazy deadbeats are "motivationally challenged," and Washington bureaucrats are "ethically reserved," guys like Blake McIlwain are a refreshing throwback. His blunt, off-color, and socially taboo commentary is just what the doctor ordered for battling the assault on literal accuracy known as political correctness. While this personality trait may seem inconsequential in the walk of building hot rods, Blake's irreverent attitude is what defines the essence of his '69 Firebird. Nothing about it is status quo. When asked about dropping a big-block Chevy into a Pontiac he quips, "I knew it would piss off the purists, but the people whining about it are the same ones in my rearview mirror." That's a lot of talk, but with a best-to-date e.t. of 10.41 at 130 mph, we'll take his word for it. Fortunately, Blake's far more concerned with executing his vision of what a street machine should be than potentially offending his slower competition.

Unless you've seen and experienced this Firebird in person, it's easy to write off as just another Pro Touring charlatan funded for, instead of built by, a white collar wanker. Despite its fancy suspension bits, big brakes, power everything, A/C, amped up stereo, and flawless bodywork, that perception starts to change as soon as the good ol' boy in the driver seat climbs out the door. A fence contractor by trade, it becomes immediately apparent that Blake knows his way around torches and welders, and if there's anything he fears, it's keeping his hands clean. "When I got this car it was the first time I tackled metal work like this, but I figured if I can cut and weld on fences for a living, I can do the same thing with a car. Besides, it's much more fun to do it myself than to drop it off at a shop, write a check, then hit the gas pedal," he opines.

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As Blake's business grew and afforded him the opportunity to finally build a nice car, he was eager to move on from the beaters of his youth. "I've never had the money to build a nice car before, so everything I've owned in the past were hoopties. I had a '78 Camaro with a missing nose piece and a straight-six that I blew up three times, and an '84 V-6 Firebird. I guess when you're 16 years old with no cash, a three-speed V-6 Firebird is like a hot rod compared to your 10-speed bike," he recollects. Although he doesn't classify himself as a Pontiac traditionalist, for Blake, a dime-a-dozen body wouldn't suffice. "Everyone and their mom has a Camaro, and I've always loved the lines of the first-gen Firebird. I think it's just a better-looking car overall," he opines.

While many Pro Touring buffs are more concerned with debating steering axis inclination angles and moments of inertia with their online buddies than actually road racing, Blake kept it real from the get-go. "I'd like to take my car on a road course some day, but that's not what I built the car for. My goal was to run 10s in the quarter-mile on pump gas in a true street car, and also have modern levels of handling and convenience features to make driving it more enjoyable," he explains. The search for a suitable build candidate took him to an Air Force base in San Antonio. The original straight-six was still running, and after talking the owner down to $4,500, Blake drove it all the way back home to Houston. "The motor lost a cylinder on the way back, but I was so happy to finally have my project car that I didn't care."

As the disassembly process commenced, Blake found several unwelcome surprises. While the car looked pretty solid during the initial inspection, thick layers of undercoating concealed floors that were in poor condition overall. Furthermore, just about every panel ended up being replaced. Considering it was the first time that he tackled any real metalwork, Blake admits that he made plenty of mistakes. "At first I tried patching the floors and quarters, but I later realized I had to replace the entire panel," he explains. "The doors, fenders, and trunk were also no good, so the only original metal that's left is the roof and firewall. All I had to work with was my Sawzall, cutoff wheel, electric grinder, and MIG welder, and I just learned as I went along,"

With the bulk of the repair work complete, Blake rigged up several custom tweaks to distinguish his car from the pack. Although he likes the look of the twin-snorkel Trans Am hood that many Firebird owners install, Blake felt it was too generic. "I just started out with a blank of sheetmetal, a dolly, and a hammer, and came up with a custom design using nothing more than my pea brain. People ask me where they can buy my hood all the time, and I tell them 'you can't because I hand-built it,'" he says. Likewise, the instrument panel is a custom one-off as well. "After two weeks of messing around with some 22-gauge sheetmetal, body filler, and fiberglass, I had a custom instrument panel."

Elbow deep in bodywork, Blake enlisted the help of Nickens Brothers Racing Engines-best known for their work in NHRA Pro Stock-to assemble the Poncho's powerplant. As plans called for beating on the setup hard, and potentially breaking parts, opting for big-block Chevy power was an easy choice to make. "I know you can make some power with Pontiac motors these days, but I went with a Chevy because if something breaks, I won't have to sit around waiting for parts," he explains. He settled on a 540ci combination based on a World Product's Merlin block, which was fitted with a forged Scat rotating assembly. It's topped with a set of RHS 320cc aluminum heads, an Edelbrock Victor Jr. intake manifold, and a Holley 950-cfm carb. The combo kicks out an impressive 738 hp and 679 lb-ft of torque, but even more impressive is the fact that it gets the job done with a modestly sized 256/264-at-0.050 Ultradyne solid roller cam and a 4150-style carb. Backing up the Rat is a TH400 trans and a Strange 9-inch rearend.

Packed to the brim with go-fast and comfort goodies, the Firebird weighs in at a chunky 3,600 pounds without driver. Nonetheless, it still manages 10.41-at-130-mph passes at the track on 28x12x15 slicks. If that doesn't get your attention, what the car runs in full street trim most certainly will. "With drag radials, 17-inch [Pro Touring] wheels on all four corners and 3.25:1 rear gears, the car ran 10.50s at 127 mph," Blake explains. "As I put more gear in the car, the big 17s wouldn't transfer weight back quickly enough, so I had to go with skinnies up front." While the Bird's 1.52-second 60-foot times are respectable, they're clearly indicative of a stiff suspension setup that hasn't been optimized for the dragstrip, further proving the car's street credentials.

Speaking of suspension setup, Blake's primary goal was improving the Firebird's ride and handling on the street, so he installed a full Detroit Speed and Engineering setup. Up front are tubular DSE upper and lower control arms, coilovers, and a sway bar. To make sure that back end grip keeps pace with the front, the stock rear leafs were replaced with a DSE four-link conversion. "The DSE parts are some of the best I've ever installed," says Blake. "They just flat out work. I didn't build my car to road race, but when I see a road sign in front of a curve that reads 40 mph, I go 80."

Ultimately, the most impressive aspect of Blake's Firebird isn't its 10-second e.t.'s, or the fact that it would have cost well over six-figures if he paid someone else to build it. Instead, what's most shocking of all is how hard and how often it's driven-at least two monthly trips to the track and weekly cruising-while looking the part of a castrated trailer queen. When asked about the subject matter at hand, once again Blake's unpolished and unreserved demeanor doesn't disappoint. "I built this car to drive, not to rub on it in my garage," he says. "I treat it like a car, not like a super model."