While not wearing any pants and lying in a bathtub full of Pace piquante sauce getting a facial from Lady Gaga, while I sing Cat Scratch Fever in Cambodian with a Swiss accent.

I'm going to shoot the coons in their left big toe and make them fight my dogs, although instead of dogs I'll have 35 million seahorses that will stampede on the raccoon causing him great emotional stress, requiring him to join group therapy and become a Scientologist with photo's of Tom Cruise on the walls of his tree house. He'll also be required to drive a Volvo and eat tofu twice a day.

After that I'll set fire to the highfence preserve and consign every living thing in it to a fiery death unless they shave their heads and have a picture of Michael Phelps, smoking a bong tattooed there.

So there!

Logged

To you gutless cowards and scumbags, who are trying to lie and rewrite history. To those out to commit genocide on the Southern people with your destruction of Confederate monuments and your attacks on Southern heritage and pride. Be happy for now. Because someday when that civil war you wanted starts. I will find you. And I will kill you.

While not wearing any pants and lying in a bathtub full of Pace piquante sauce getting a facial from Lady Gaga, while I sing Cat Scratch Fever in Cambodian with a Swiss accent.

I'm going to shoot the coons in their left big toe and make them fight my dogs, although instead of dogs I'll have 35 million seahorses that will stampede on the raccoon causing him great emotional stress, requiring him to join group therapy and become a Scientologist with photo's of Tom Cruise on the walls of his tree house. He'll also be required to drive a Volvo and eat tofu twice a day.

After that I'll set fire to the highfence preserve and consign every living thing in it to a fiery death unless they shave their heads and have a picture of Michael Phelps, smoking a bong tattooed there.

That's all fine and dandy but there's one little problem...The seahorses will require an aquatic setting to effectively trample their victim. A kiddie pool could work, depending on specie, but you might want to look into investing in a modest above-ground pool.

To you gutless cowards and scumbags, who are trying to lie and rewrite history. To those out to commit genocide on the Southern people with your destruction of Confederate monuments and your attacks on Southern heritage and pride. Be happy for now. Because someday when that civil war you wanted starts. I will find you. And I will kill you.