How the hell have you all been?

Hello my TBers, how the hell have you all been? I feel like I've missed so much on TB in my recent absence/lurking status. What's the buzz lately?

1. Is Dave Castello still around?
2. Is John Turner still alive?
3. Is Chris Fitzgerald still an ass?
4. Did Ed Fuqua ever come back after deleting all of his posts?
5. Stupid Matt, or Matt Till - what is it currently?
6. Does everyone still obsess over how cool it used to be when Biski2Dope was around?
7. Does anyone remember carrots?
8. Did Clan Tabevil disband?
9. Has JWC made any lame-ass attempts to return to the board?
10. Do we all still hate Tabcrawler?
11. Are Bongos still ugly?
12. Brad vs Bruce - who is winning?
13. Does anyone remember when we used to have off topic discussions such as "Mr. T. vs the Koolaide guy, who would win?"
14. Is Mark Hoppus still a God amoung the ignorant?
15. Does anyone remember when Freaky Fender was the youngest active member on the board?
16. Does anyone recognize these names:
- Les Claypool
- WarwickNut
- Big Wheel
- BrokenAngel
- Icez
- BassSaxMan
- cruise4

It looks like he is still posting...that's good. I was afraid that he actually did die and I didn't know it! There is way too much info on mr. turner for me to do a search to see what happened, would anyone mind PMing me?