We love Texas. It's a state where the women are smart and beautiful, the license plate frames are illegal and everyone is armed. Robert "Jack" Parker was found guilty today of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon after attacking one of his customers with a machete. According to the guy's defense attorney, he made a "Bold Move" with his machete because he feared his customer (who was just trying to pick up his plates) was making his "Way Forward" to get a gun. Having lived in Texas most of our lives, and having worked for a congressman in the area, we can assure you that the chances were more than even that the guy actually had a gun. Let this be a lesson: when buying a car in Texas keep your hands in plain sight at all times and for god's sake, get the rustproofing. – Matt Hardigree