Wednesday, June 29, 2011

He is perfectly healthy, well fed, never denied much of anything... and maybe that is the problem?

He whines. If he isn't given what he wants.... anything from your food to a lift onto the couch.
If you put him down when he squirms in your arms and throws himself sideways... but then he decides he does not want to be put down and whines and pulls at you until you pick him up.

He whines if another child even TOUCHES him, he screams like a banshee until he gets what he wants and has started NOT getting distracted with other toys.

Is this my fault for responding to all his cries and giving him things he wanted when he was 9, 10, 11 months old?? When he reaches for my plate, I gave him a bite because I thought he was curious and that it would help him figure out that food came off a plate and plates were not for chewing on or throwing, now he is no longer content with a bite and even if its the SAME THING that is on his tray he will not eat his food until he sees that my plate is empty and THEN I have to put my plate into the sink so he can not see it.

Or is this from me letting him fuss in the mornings in the hope he will go back to sleep. Does he feel abandoned when I let him whimper and fuss at 6:15 in the morning and wait until 6:30 or so to know that he just won't go back to sleep before I go get him? Or the times he whimpers for 5 minutes, sleeps for half an hour, whimpers for 5 minutes, sleeps for 15 minutes.... should I have gotten him on the first whimper?

Is it my fault for letting him just whine and cry when he starts up and there is no real reason? Even if it ends with me picking him up after he screeches for 7 minutes while sitting in the middle of the living room.

Is it over-stimulation? Does he have too many toys? too many food options? (I give him 3 or 4 options on his plates. Fruit, veg, grain and protein... one of each)

When I hold him and he becomes unhappy being there with me and whines, I set him down. But then he stands there and tugs on my pants or shirt and whines and cries like he wants to be picked up, so I pick him up, and then he starts again with the wanting to get down.

Do I have the worlds most indecisive baby?

Most of the day he is fine. He plays by himself or with me. But if I sit on the floor he stops playing and just wants to sit in my lap. I let this happen whenever it does. We read a book or play with blocks. But if there is another baby around he will get mad if that baby comes anywhere near us.

Or when they are playing alone, if the baby even lays a finger on Liam or whatever toy he is holding he will get SO MAD and just whine and whine and do this whimpery cry that is just annoying enough that it makes me want to do ANYTHING to make it stop.

But I don't want to encourage him to whine in order to get things.

And very rapidly the whining turns into the heart breaking crying that he does when he DESPERATLY NEEDS something. Like the cry of hungry, the cry of I hurt myself, the cry of Mommy I don't feel good. Its like he figured out that these cries will get him something. But unlike the times those cries are real.... as soon as he gets what he wanted he stops. The real cries come complete with a thumb suck, some sniffle-gasp-shiver things that most of us get when we have cried real good and for the hungry one it comes with an empty bottle or food getting eaten. The fake ones result in food shoved away, suddenly ignoring mommy for whatever it was he wanted (like a lift onto the couch if that is where I am sitting when he cries and I end up picking him up) or a continued screaming if being picked up and offered something was not in his grand plan.

What do I do?

Ignoring it does not work well because it will elevate into a sort of temper tantrum where he winds up crying until he is blue in the face, and that can not be healthy for a 12.5 month old baby/toddler.

I can not just give in all the time. I know that is not healthy either.

I know I posted something similar a while ago, but everything I was trying just does not work. I really am at a loss.

Most of the day he is a perfect baby. He is smiling, playing, snuggling, happy and cheerful guy. Sometimes he eats his lunch and ignores mine.... Sometimes he doesn't care if Forest touches his shoulder when he walks by... sometimes he doesn't care if he doesn't get a lift onto the couch and will just move on to his toys and putting them up onto the couch. But when he does care, when he does want something or not want something he whines. If he is still denied, he screams.

Do I ignore it still? Do I put him on a baby time out? (highchair, no toys or food, ignore him for one minute) Do I give him what he wants?

Is this my fault for the times I let him whine in his crib until he either falls back asleep or doesn't? Maybe he feels abandoned or something and when something goes wrong it reminds him of laying in there and wanting to be out and not getting out? Does he even think like that?

I know he can get jealous when Forest comes and sits in my lap for a moment. It is weird, he will share my lap with his cousin Dotty, but not Forest or Archie.

Sometimes when Forest is here, or Archie comes to visit, Liam will just sit there and stare at them, he won't play with them, he won't even play near them.

He only does this in his own home, never when we are out (so far) and it mainly involves the couch, food, other babies being around, or the whole pick me up put me down game.

Even Dan sees this behavior and thinks it is a little wrong. I just don't know know what to do, is it a phase? Will it end? Or is this just the start of the toddler thing and I just have to wait it out?

Friday, June 24, 2011

My baby is a jealous little guy. If my attention is not on him most of the time he comes over to me and grabs at my legs or arms until I pick him up. Once up, he proceeded to wiggle and squirm and lean over until I set him down. Once he is down, he goes off for a few minutes and then comes back to me.

I go to play with him, but he is not interested in playing with me... it is more that he just wants me to be on the floor with him while he plays.

Sometimes this is ok, other times I really just want a little break. That is when I bring out the distractions. A ritz cracker keeps him occupied for a good 5 minutes. Long enough for him to forget why he needed to sit in my lap and whine and squirm to be let down as soon as he got up there. Long enough for me to feed Forest when I am babysitting. Long enough for me to run into the kitchen and wash something or grab a snack for myself.

One day all I had on hand was a container of ginger snaps when I had a hungry and sad Forest in my lap and an angry Liam, who up until the MOMENT I picked Forest up was just fine playing with his books.

I don't want to be one of those moms who just gives her baby a snack when he gets in the way. I don't want Liam to think that if you get bored or cranky you should eat something.

But nothing much else will keep his attention for long. Until he gets settled in with his toys, then he could stay there for HOURS!

We will be bringing home a puppy soon, in a little over a month. I have a feeling that the puppy will help keep Liam amused when he is no longer content with his toys. And as Liam learns to walk and then run the puppy will be his companion as they explore the outside world.

I also really like that our new basement renter has a baby who is just at Liam's age, he has the same birthday as the little boy I babysit for, 5 days younger than Liam. He comes up to play and it is especially fun on the days I have Forest as well. The kids play together and learn about toy hoarding, how to push the other baby out of the way, how to navigate the playing field of little tripping hazards when they toddles about. Or when Liam crawls... he is still learning the walking thing. Soon I think!

I want to go back to the zoo with Dan this time, he was a little jealous that he didn't get to come. This time I will be wiser and pack a lunch for myself and not just Liam. And I will try to remember to take more pictures.

But I want to take Liam to the japanese gardens, the beach, the river, on a camping trip, to go blueberry picking on Sauvi Island and at least a few trips to the swimming pool.

I also want to have a nice BBQ for friends and family in the back yard and pull out the kiddie pool and let Liam splash around in that. My cousins are going to put up their pool after they go on vacation and they want Liam and I to come play. I think that sounds like a good time.

In about a week Dan's mom will be in town and we can have some fun with her.

I also want to do at least one beach trip with my high school friend Devi who I found on Facebook recently. She has a little girl who is 3 or 4 now. That should be fun to reconnect with her.

There is so much I want to do this summer, and in between all of that, somewhere in there I think Liam will start walking and that will just be so much fun to see!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Thank you Andrew! Liam enjoyed the bag of paper and the box a lot. He also liked the singing puppy toy and snuggled it up right away and leaned his face on it... before tossing it across the room to go play in the paper again. Snuggly pics coming once I get some, somehow I missed that part. But I put the puppy in his crib. I like the lullabies! Plus it takes less expensive batteries than the giant lullaby aquarium! Yay!