Do you ever get confused at why some things are easy for you to do while other things feel like a grind (or simply impossible)? There’s a reason. In today’s episode, I discuss the two old-world models of performance that 95% of people are using. I also discuss the one brain-based model of performance which delivers effortless success every time. I’ll show you how to use it too.

You can listen to the full podcast episode here, or continue reading below.

In this episode you’ll hear:

2:52 The reason you don’t get what you want

5:20 Why you keep underperforming

7:53 The performance mistake 95% of the world makes and the science-based one the brain responds to

10:30 The answer to transform your productivity, performance, and progress

16:55. The most responsible way to grow your business, leadership and you

Subscribe on Apple Podcasts for more tips, tools and inspiration to leading the optimal vision of your life, love and leadership. Remember, a half version of you is not enough. The world needs the fullest version of you at play.

___

About Rita Hyland

As a Business and Life Coach, Rita works with highly motivated professionals who, despite their level of success and achievements, are not happy or satisfied. Often, they’re “successful” by traditional standards, yet unfulfilled based on their own. They know they want more and are ready to have it.

Get the “Playing Full Out Accelerator” – Four Steps to Identify, Plan & Take the Leap to Your Optimal Vision of Work & Home…Without the Second Guessing.

Rita Hyland is host of the “Playing Full Out” podcast, where you’ll discover tips to break through the personal and professional barriers in a hectic world that are preventing you from leading your optimal vision of life at work and home. This is the podcast for passionate life travelers and leaders who want to live a deliberate, confident and fulfilling life, and change the world while they do.

If the new year, new you message can be as daunting as it is exciting, and you find setting goals overwhelming or stressful, or if you’ve never found a way to craft a vision that works for you, then listen to this podcast episode. Today, I’m sharing a simple way to write goals that work for you and make your daily living compelling, easy and more fulfilling in 2019.

You can listen to the full podcast episode here, or continue reading below.

In this episode you’ll hear:

The Dominican University research behind what kind of goal setting works (3:50)

Oprah’s favorite guest out of 30,000 interviews (5:05)

The counterintuitive step to hone and simplify your vision (10:12)

The magic number of goals to set for the next 90 days (12:37)

Identify what you must give up in order to make your vision your priority (13:50)

Subscribe on Apple Podcasts for more tips, tools and inspiration to leading the optimal vision of your life, love and leadership. Remember, a half version of you is not enough. The world needs the fullest version of you at play.

___

About Rita Hyland

As a Business and Life Coach, Rita works with highly motivated professionals who, despite their level of success and achievements, are not happy or satisfied. Often, they’re “successful” by traditional standards, yet unfulfilled based on their own. They know they want more and are ready to have it.

Get the “Playing Full Out Accelerator” – Four Steps to Identify, Plan & Take the Leap to Your Optimal Vision of Work & Home…Without the Second Guessing.

Rita Hyland is host of the “Playing Full Out” podcast, where you’ll discover tips to break through the personal and professional barriers in a hectic world that are preventing you from leading your optimal vision of life at work and home. This is the podcast for passionate life travelers and leaders who want to live a deliberate, confident and fulfilling life, and change the world while they do.

As we start 2019, I had a big aha that I want to share with you. I thought you might appreciate it.

It came to me when I was in a discussion with my husband– a funny, interesting and quirky man I adore.

Anyway, we were talking about a topic, the specifics of which I honestly forget, and I pointed out that something he insisted upon was a MADE UP RULE.

I wasn’t judging him. I didn’t need him to change his mind.

I simply wanted it to be recognized that whatever decision we made was going to be based upon a MADE UP RULE.

A MADE UP RULE is an “interpretation” one calls “fact.”

Then (as I normally do when I see someone do something I don’t think I ever do), I asked myself, “Where do I do this in my life?”

That is, think something has to be a certain way for no reason other than my mind says it’s so.

Then it hit me.

As much as I help others highlight and Roto-root MADE UP RULES (think limiting beliefs), I was making up rules as well.

I wrote them down:

Don’t talk too much about what you do and how you do

Don’t talk about your business on your personal Facebook page

Don’t let people know when you have spots available to work with you

There are more…but they all relate to this one big rule:

HIDE YOUR TALENT. HIDE YOUR BUSINESS. HIDE YOUR LIFE.

Now, I don’t do this wittingly. What’s more I realized my rules are very specific.

For example, take the first rule. I’ll drop everything and be all over Facebook…IF it is to help others. In December you couldn’t keep me from posting on multiple community Facebook pages daily (sometimes more) in order to help local Homeless Students.

Again, I didn’t see this until I saw my husband doing it and called myself on it as well.

Well no more. These rules don’t serve me or the people I am here to help.

Like my favorite song by Hugh Jackman in the movie, The Greatest Showman, “From Now On”…

Anytime you find yourself hesitating to take an action that moves your business or your life forward ask yourself:

What rule am I following?

Does that rule serve me?

If it doesn’t serve you, then drop the rule. Or at least acknowledge, “I’m making a choice based on a made up rule.”

In the spirit of dropping ‘made up rules,’ I’ll be in your inbox next week with a way to work with me in 2019. I know the results my clients have when they work with me and I want you to experience it too.

Happy 2019— dropping the made up rules!

To make sure you don’t miss out on any other high performance tips and tools, as well as personal stories Rita shares, be sure to sign up for Rita’s Monthly Journal below.

In this episode I cover a simple and fun ritual to leverage the wisdom from your best and worst moments of 2018. I take you through my 2018 ‘best and worst’ and share my Success Formula so you know how to do your own. Every year my clients report that doing this one ritual at the beginning of the year took out the guesswork by leveraging their wisdom both at work and home.

You can listen to the full podcast episode here, or continue reading below.

This ritual is responsible for increasing bottom lines, reinvigorating relationships, and taking leaps that wouldn’t have been taken otherwise. Learn why it’s important to do this before goal-setting and planning in the new year.

In this episode you’ll hear:

Why stopping and learning from the immediate past is key to leveraging your future. (2:03)

The four steps to get the most from your ‘wins’ and your ‘mistakes’ last year (7:04)

Rita shares her own wins and losses of 2018 and her 2019 Success Formula (9:08)

Two hot opportunities to rise to your next level with greater ease in 2019. (13:03)

Subscribe on Apple Podcasts for more tips, tools and inspiration to leading the optimal vision of your life, love and leadership. Remember, a half version of you is not enough. The world needs the fullest version of you at play.

___

About Rita Hyland

As a Business and Life Coach, Rita works with highly motivated professionals who, despite their level of success and achievements, are not happy or satisfied. Often, they’re “successful” by traditional standards, yet unfulfilled based on their own. They know they want more and are ready to have it.

Get the “Playing Full Out Accelerator” – Four Steps to Identify, Plan & Take the Leap to Your Optimal Vision of Work & Home…Without the Second Guessing.

Rita Hyland is host of the “Playing Full Out” podcast, where you’ll discover tips to break through the personal and professional barriers in a hectic world that are preventing you from leading your optimal vision of life at work and home. This is the podcast for passionate life travelers and leaders who want to live a deliberate, confident and fulfilling life, and change the world while they do.

Does worrying about what others think ever stop you from doing what you think is best or matters most? Do you filter what you do, say or feel through someone else’s lens instead of your own? In today’s episode, we’re looking at why what others think matters to us and what happens when we live from this number one fear of judgement. Plus, I offer concrete ways to address this fear head on.

You can listen to the full podcast episode here, or continue reading below.

Recently, I’ve been acutely aware of the negative impact worrying about what other people think has at home, in the workplace, and in society at large.

In these last weeks, I’ve noticed individuals’ hesitancy to voice opinions about topics in the news, the tentativeness of managers to provide much needed feedback to colleagues, reluctance to share experiences that could help the team, and wavering to identify ask for or even identify what they want. It’s stopped people from asking for the sale, acting on their ideas, and even being vulnerable with their spouse. As a result too many are living, leading and positively influencing at a fraction of their potential.

I understand it. I recall in my 20’s when I ran for an office at the end of my senior year in college. It was for a three year board seat.

I campaigned in each of the 23 living units and spoke to my fellow students as they ate dinner. In one dining room I recall my heart racing. I broke into a sweat as I looked out at the crowd. I remember my lips sticking together as I tried to convince the audience to vote for me.

My Reptilian brain, (the part designed to keep us safe and responsible for fight or flight) was sounding the alarms — Abort! Abort mission now!! I was terrified. Of what specifically? Rejection.

We all yearn to be accepted. In fact, it may be our number one need as human beings to feel part of something. When we are included we feel like we belong. We are validated and a part of the world.

It makes sense then that if our number one need is to be accepted, then our number one fear is being rejected. I’ll tell you just how universal our fear of rejection is — that woman who looks like she has it all together, that CEO who looks like nothing daunts him, that business person who’s leading hundreds –they ALL suffer from this same fear of rejection. It doesn’t matter who they are. There is not a person out there who doesn’t have a fear of rejection. If you ever think you are alone, my message is: you are not.

It’s not a matter of whether or not you fear being rejected; it’s a matter of whether that fear of rejection stops you. There are all types of implications…

Does it stop you from introducing yourself, presenting your best talents at an interview, building your community of friendships, starting the company you always wanted, taking the next level of accreditation, offering your service or product, stepping into a leadership role or having a deeper connection with your partner?

You think if you let someone get to know you, they might not like the real you, they may judge you or find you unlovable. Maybe they’ll think you’re an imposter. As a result you hide, stay on the fringes, dance around the edges, and miss the opportunities to truly live.

There is a reward you get from worrying about what others think. You avoid judgment and leaving your comfort zone.

The consequence, of course, is you play small, live for others, experience a half version of your potential, and live a life fraught with inner frustration.

You’re left with one of two choices: either avoid the risk of judgment by doing exactly what you think others want you to do OR live the life you’re called to. It’s one or the other. You can’t have it both ways.

So if your vote is to live your best life, how do you stop this fear head on?

First, people are a lot less likely to reject you, if you don’t reject you. It’s amazing to me how many of us reject and judge ourselves–harshly. What this means is, love yourself. It’s a painful place to live carrying an ogre on your back saying, “You’ll look foolish. Nobody’s going to like that. You’re never going to get this right.” Instead, be your own source of validation. Give up making it someone else’s job to do that for you. In short, be kind to you. It’s likely you are most scared of the berating and rejection YOU will give yourself.

Second. Embrace reality: people are judgers. Yep. Some will like you. Some will not. The human brain is designed to discern, shortcut, and organize information and it does that by judging. (Think about it. You are judging me and what you’re reading right now — and that’s ok.) Embrace that you will be judged –no matter what. The key is to like what you are doing while you are being judged.

Third, don’t make the judgment personal. If someone doesn’t like your product or the way you introduce yourself, or your boss judges you for what you said in a meeting, it doesn’t mean you are an inadequate human being. In the case of a boss who judges something you said or did, listen to the feedback neutrally. Make the judgement about the action, product, or outcome — not about your value or worthiness. Then move forward in your right direction.

Finally, nothing has meaning but the meaning you give it. What meaning do you give when someone judges you? Do you say, “She has special insight that I am not enough,” or do you say, “That’s interesting. I wonder what I am triggering in her. What can I learn from what she’s saying? Next.”

Choose the meaning that supports you. Life is a reflection of your interpretations. The interpretation you choose will determine whether you take action or remain stuck.

Recently a teacher of mine judged me. He didn’t like that I hadn’t effectively used what he’d taught. He was pushing me and clearly irritated. As I listened to him, I thought — this is perfect. This man I admire isn’t going to validate me or tell me I belong. It’s not his job to do so.

I took the feedback and got back to what I know I needed to do. I had zero lag time between his judgement and my moving forward. I didn’t argue with him. I didn’t chastise myself or stew in self-criticism. I took the part of his feedback I felt was valid, and I acted on it. In yesteryear that judgement would have put me asunder for weeks. Today, I consider how quickly I stand back up as a sign of my personal power.

The next time you feel stuck on what others might think of you ask yourself this question, “What’s the worst that could happen if people judged me?” Usually, the answer is that you’ll be in the EXACT same place as your current circumstance.

Of course, I still fear rejection, but I’m learning to not make it as significant a part of my life. Sure, it would be nice if everyone loved you. But that can’t compare to what it feels like to love yourself.

Subscribe on iTunes for more tips, tools and inspiration to leading the optimal vision of your life, love and leadership. Remember, a half version of you is not enough. The world needs the fullest version of you at play.

___

About Rita Hyland

As a Business and Life Coach, Rita works with highly motivated professionals who, despite their level of success and achievements, are not happy or satisfied. Often, they’re “successful” by traditional standards, yet unfulfilled based on their own. They know they want more and are ready to have it.

Get the “Playing Full Out Accelerator” – Four Steps to Identify, Plan & Take the Leap to Your Optimal Vision of Work & Home…Without the Second Guessing.

Rita Hyland is host of the “Playing Full Out” podcast, where you’ll discover tips to break through the personal and professional barriers in a hectic world that are preventing you from leading your optimal vision of life at work and home. This is the podcast for passionate life travelers and leaders who want to live a deliberate, confident and fulfilling life, and change the world while they do.

]]>An Honest Conversation About Making a Career Change in Mid-Lifehttps://www.ritahyland.com/an-honest-conversation-about-making-a-career-change-in-mid-life/
Thu, 26 Jul 2018 18:25:32 +0000https://www.ritahyland.com/?p=1875Read more →]]>

On this summer day, my guest is Jamie Russo, Executive Director of the Global Workspace Association and the creator and host of the Everything Coworking Podcast. I met Jamie years ago when she was deciding to make the move from building someone else’s business to building her own. I am so happy to have her as my guest this week as she shares the moment she knew it was time for a career change, how she determined entrepreneurship was for her, and the road to becoming a leading expert in her industry today.

You can listen to the full podcast episode here, or continue reading below.

In this episode Jamie and I cover a wide range of topics including, why she left a large role as COO of a healthcare startup, how she figured out what she wanted next, walking into fear, and what business school doesn’t teach you. Plus, we talk about why you can’t talk your way to success and the dreaded “imposter syndrome.” This episode is NOT just for entreprenuers. If you’ve ever felt like making a change but can’t see the whole road map, you’ll get a lot out of this interview!

In this episode you’ll hear:

Jamie’s pivot out of the healthcare industry and into her role asenrepreneur opening her first coworking space (6:15 seconds)

Why you can’t think your way to success (7:55)

Proven strategy when the next step appears daunting (14:20)

Top three career change fears and how to get through them to uplevel your life (15:30)

Subscribe on iTunes for more tips, tools and inspiration to leading the optimal vision of your life, love and leadership. Remember, a half version of you is not enough. The world needs the fullest version of you at play.

___

About Rita Hyland

As a Business and Life Coach, Rita works with highly motivated professionals who, despite their level of success and achievements, are not happy or satisfied. Often, they’re “successful” by traditional standards, yet unfulfilled based on their own. They know they want more and are ready to have it.

Get the “Playing Full Out Accelerator” – Four Steps to Identify, Plan & Take the Leap to Your Optimal Vision of Work & Home…Without the Second Guessing.

Rita Hyland is host of the “Playing Full Out” podcast, where you’ll discover tips to break through the personal and professional barriers in a hectic world that are preventing you from leading your optimal vision of life at work and home. This is the podcast for passionate life travelers and leaders who want to live a deliberate, confident and fulfilling life, and change the world while they do.

We all know that success and higher performance has to do with your mind and your mindset, but there is a difference in knowing that, and being able to apply and integrate that knowledge to effect outcomes. There is a difference between getting new information and adding it into your system, and assimilating it. We know the science, but how do we master the art of reprogramming our mind to work for us? That’s the topic of today’s podcast episode.

You can listen to the full podcast episode here, or continue reading below.

According to a study by BCG, 85% of companies have undertaken a transformation during the past decade. The same research found that nearly 75% of those transformations failed to improve business performance either short or long-term.

Why is transformation –personal or corporate — so difficult to achieve?

Among the many explanations, is that too much focus is spent on strategy and execution and not enough on overcoming the fears, insecurities and internal obstacles which keep us locked into behaviors that don’t work for us—even when we are aware of them.

Why? Because most don’t know how to break through the old patterns and programming of the mind. It is easy to understand the science, but how do we master the art of reprogramming our mind to work for us?

If you’re like the masses, you’ve probably become trapped working hard to make a change but confused, despite your efforts, as to why the progress is slow or non-existent. You’re not alone.

Most people are trying to make career changes or grow their business to the next level by relying on their effort and their hustle. Most have made the decision to put in the hard work and grind it out because that’s what they’ve learned, and that’s what the experts have told them.

But maybe you’re already working hard, and you’re doing everything you think you should, and no matter how many new strategies, or new motivational talks you hear it’s not getting you further than burnout and exhaustion. This is frustrating because you’re smart, and you’ve had a decent level of success.

Your solution: re-program your mind to work for you.

In quantum physics we’ve learned that the physical world bends and morphs to reflect the non-physical world. In other words it means your thought creates. This isn’t opinion. This is fact. And not understanding and being able to assimilate the information, is what keeps too many repeating things in life that they don’t want or plateauing.

First, what do I mean when I’m talking about your subconscious mind? The best metaphor is the iceberg. The iceberg has 20% of it exposed above the water. Think of that 20% as your willpower, conscious decision making and thought. It is what we use to force or exert change. The bottom 80% is the part that’s unseen and that represents your subconscious mind. Like the bottom of the iceberg, your subconscious mind is actually the power house behind your life. The truth is, the subconscious runs everything.

Just like when you drive somewhere and you talk on the phone, and then realize you’ve arrived at your destination without actively thinking or working on it, you can do the same thing by reprogramming your subconscious mind to effortlessly drive you to your goals without the will power, grit and force.

How do we reprogram our subconscious mind to work for us? How do we program our life?

The best and most succinct formula (AKA the ‘secret sauce’) to reprogramming your subconscious comes from a favorite teacher of mine, Jim Fortin. Here’s his formula to reprogram the subconscious mind:

Step 1: Consistent repetition. Through repetition our brain creates new neural pathways which, in turn, process information differently. Anything we master is because we repeat it. More specifically, brain research shows that things stick after about ten times of repetition. You can think or do something one or two times and it’s interesting. But at ten times, the brain wakes up and starts to dig a new neural pathway which is like a superhighway to a new habit or default.

Step 2: Emotional imagery. The subconscious mind‘s language is emotional imagery, that is, the five senses; seeing, tasting, smelling, hearing, and touching. The more visceral and emotional an image your brain can produce the more it can “connect” and become comfortable to make it real.

Step 3: Accepted as already achieved. The subconscious mind, unlike the conscious mind, doesn’t know the difference between fantasy and reality. It simply accepts whatever it is you’re telling it and seeks to make it true. Speaking to ourselves as though something is already achieved, exists or is true allows our brain to go forth and find ways to act that are congruent with that vision.

How do you apply this formula? There are a couple ways but my favorite way which can be done on your own is an exercise I did 20 years ago. I’ve used it ever since. Write a movie which includes the three parts of the reprogramming the subconscious mind formula above. Write as though your supersonic movie (interpret vision) in all categories of your life is already achieved. Make it descriptive. Think Technicolor. Through your writing you should be able to see, feel and smell it.

Then the next critical step: imprint the movie by reading and re-reading at least once daily. Once you grow comfortable with your movie and take on the identity of it as though it is already achieved, your habits of behavior will became consistent with making it so.

A couple tips when writing your movie:

Don’t be logical or rationale about what you tell yourself is possible for this next phase. Answer the question, “What would I attempt if I could not fail and there were no rules?”

Write in the active tense (instead of future tense).

Read and visualize your movie each morning as a reminder to your brain of what to look for throughout the day.

Imagine what a person who already has achieved what you want does, thinks, feels, and behaves life. Then operate with that same identify.

What you’ll find when you take those steps over and over is that your actions will be handed off to your subconscious. You’ll take those steps without thinking. Because at that point, they’ve become a habit.

You’ll find new resources, suppliers, clients, partners, friends, money, opportunities, time, energy, and ease with change will be in front of you, because now you’ve trained your brain to look and see them.

Do the internal work of programming your mind first, and the external world will oblige. That’s how TRANSFORMATION works.

Subscribe on iTunes for more tips, tools and inspiration to leading the optimal vision of your life, love and leadership. Remember, a half version of you is not enough. The world needs the fullest version of you at play.

___

About Rita Hyland

As a Business and Life Coach, Rita works with highly motivated professionals who, despite their level of success and achievements, are not happy or satisfied. Often, they’re “successful” by traditional standards, yet unfulfilled based on their own. They know they want more and are ready to have it.

Get the “Playing Full Out Accelerator” – Four Steps to Identify, Plan & Take the Leap to Your Optimal Vision of Work & Home…Without the Second Guessing.

Rita Hyland is host of the “Playing Full Out” podcast, where you’ll discover tips to break through the personal and professional barriers in a hectic world that are preventing you from leading your optimal vision of life at work and home. This is the podcast for passionate life travelers and leaders who want to live a deliberate, confident and fulfilling life, and change the world while they do.

]]>11 Things I’ve Learned About Business and Life Since I Graduated Collegehttps://www.ritahyland.com/11-things-ive-learned-about-business-and-life-since-i-graduated-college/
Tue, 12 Jun 2018 21:12:57 +0000https://www.ritahyland.com/?p=1831Read more →]]>

I have been in a reflective state over the past month– watching the kids end another school year, celebrating my parent’s 50th wedding anniversary, and speaking at my 25th college reunion. I’ve thought about the things I’ve learned about life and business since school. The things that I see have taken me closer to experiencing my purpose and a more fulfilling life. These same things are also the ones that I need to work from more consistently. We’re never done learning until we die. Some are simple, but I’ve learned never to misinterpret simple for insignificant.

You can listen to the full podcast episode here, or continue reading below.

Here are 11 things I’ve learned about life and business since I left school…

Check Your Story. Perhaps the greatest contribution of this last generation, is what brain science, Eastern philosophy, spirituality and physics are all confirming. Your reality is based on the story you tell yourself. Whatever we tell our brain, it will seek to make it right. The biggest problem responsible for holding back countless careers, relationships, creative endeavors, and life aspirations, are the stories we aren’t even aware we’re telling ourselves. “It’s a battle out there,” “it’s getting harder to make money in this industry,” “teenagers are difficult,” “the world is a mess,” “if I lose my anxiety I’ll lose my edge.” These are some of the common stories I hear. When we feed our subconscious mind, which is our powerhouse, with these stories, the mind seeks to confirm it is right. In every second we receive 11 million bits of stimuli, but our brain can only process 40 bits per second. The 40 bits it processes are those we tell it to look for. Write a story that works for you and is based in your inspiration not in your fear. Our life expands to the extent of the story we tell.

Move beyond the pleasing, performing and perfecting as soon as you can. I’ve already spent too much of my life caring about getting it right for others before myself. What about you? When I finally got my first taste of giving back to others the right to feel what they wanted about me, it felt like I had been liberated from years in the winter of Siberia. Living fully is about no longer dancing to please others. There is a ton of freedom that comes from detaching from what other’s think. Does the aiming to please still creep up? Absolutely. Does my reptilian brain want to take over my life sometimes? Absolutely. The key is not about perfection, it’s that I see it now when it’s happening so I can pull myself out of it. It’s a daily awareness. Your job is to reduce the lag time between feeling the pull to seek approval and making a truer and inspired choice of your own.

Be critical of your opinions. Nothing is a fact unless you find evidence to confirm it. I was reflecting back to my senior year in college. I had this incredible professor in world history, his name is Professor Ditmer, and he was one of the school’s great professors. He had been in the civil rights movement and participated in the marches. What I appreciated about him, was that he really tried to deliver the facts. He didn’t want to put his slant or overlay his opinions on his lectures.

Early in the semester Professor Ditmer let us know we’d be writing a paper on the topic of the Vietnam War. The day came that he assigned the class one of two thesis. One half was defend that the U.S. should have gone to war and the other half was to prove that we should never have been in the Vietnam War. He assigned me to write the latter: we never should have been in the Vietnam War. As the daughter of a Vietnam Veteran who had been on the front lines, I knew for a “fact”, or so I thought in my small mind, that we should have gone to the Vietnam War. That’s what I had learned and heard all my life.

What I discovered by writing that paper, was absolutely fascinating and has changed the way I approach things. When I was critical of my own opinions I could see the reasons for the opposing viewpoint I’d had my whole life. I got an A+ on writing the paper from the opposite of the long standing opinion that I had held. Nothing is a fact, it’s an interpretation. Don’t borrow your beliefs, challenge yourself and be critical of your opinions because you just might learn something.

Be a giver. In relationships there are three kinds of people: The Givers, The Matchers and The Takers. The Givers give 100%; they give to serve. The Matchers, they give at 50% and expect something in return. The Takers, they just take. “You get what you give.” It is probably the most repeated line I use in my home. In the corporate world I see its application as well. I see senior leaders act unilaterally or be immersed with their worlds and they wonder why team members don’t have their back. Karma, in ancient Sanskrit means “boomerang,” you don’t need to be concerned when it’s coming back to you or how. Just know it will. Be a giver and give generously.

Stand up for the less powerful. How you treat the flight attendant matters to me. Speak up, have boundaries, and when someone’s crossed them, let them know. Recently, a senior leader, told me his son was being bullied at school. The father asked me if I thought his advice to his son which was not to come home until he hit this bully back was sound.

Before I was able to respond on what I thought about the advice, my first question was, “where are the other kids? Why isn’t someone standing up for him?” They’re not because they don’t see their parents doing it. Use your voice when you see a team member being berated by a boss, or a colleague make an offensive comment, or you see someone not treat the staff well. The words I use are, “not on my watch,” “that’s not acceptable,” “this doesn’t work for me,” “this isn’t how we roll in this house,” “you’re out of line.” Make sure you stand up for the less powerful so that your kid will help the other kid that’s being bullied on the playground or in the lunchroom. Use your voice. Be willing to get involved. The next generation will learn from our example. We’ll all live in a kinder and gentler society when we do.

See through the eyes of another. Be curious. Be interested instead of interesting. Stephen Covey’s fifth habit in his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, is to “seek to understand first, then to be understood.”

The best three questions to ask yourself as a leader, parent, or human being who seeks to positively influence anyone are:

What is the other person worried, concerned, or afraid about?

How am I unwittingly contributing to this worry?

How can I alleviate their fear?

Brain science has shown us that when a mind is negative or stressed, it is never going to be as intellectual, or creative, or effective at problem-solving. In all categories, performance goes down.

Don’t ask a kid or an adult, why they did something. Ask them what caused them to do it? Bad behavior and poor performance is often a result of fear. Seek to reduce the amount of fear in the world by bringing your patience and love to the game as opposed to throwing more fear and anger back at another. Check your ego and, again, be interested in seeing through the lens of another. Practice with your children to help them do that too. A person who is stressed is always going to show up at a fraction of their best, so seek to alleviate an individual’s fear and you will have the key to unlocking their potential.

Be vision driven instead of circumstance driven. What I mean is that when you are working from your current circumstances, you create your current circumstances. This is how patterns are created. Einstein said, you can’t solve a problem from the same level of thinking that got you there. Your current level of thinking got you into your current problem, and it’s not going to be able to get you out of it. Raise your thoughts. Currently, when we seek to hit our goals, we do it from a very backwards strategy. We start at A and we seek to get to B. When we do this we are often starting with our current circumstances which is often a lack of time, lack of energy, a lack of money, or a fear of something. If you go to point B and you start operating, behaving and feeling as if what you want is already achieved, you will begin to operate from habits of behavior that will get you to your vision.

Name the elephant in the room. Be a bullshit-free zone. It’s ironic, I think, as a recovering people pleaser, that I make my living saying what others won’t say. I got my first taste of this just out of college when I was with a female icon who always operated in a bullshit-free zone. It was the late former First Lady Barbara Bush. She had come to speak. I was a student trustee at the time and got the pleasure to meet her at the reception. There were three of us talking; Barbara Bush, myself and an esteemed trustee. The trustee made an inappropriate comment, and instantly Barbara looked at him with her strong eyes and said tersely, “That is the most chauvinist thing I’ve ever heard.” She continued to tell him why his comment was out of line. (She was actually defending me.) The lesson I learned: step over nothing. Call it when you see it. By bringing the dark into the light, we can begin to change it.

Be real. If you haven’t heard it yet, vulnerable is the new strong. How many of us want to hear from those who are ready to tell their vulnerable, real story? When I ask that question in a group and then ask how many want to do it themselves, the hands go down. Being real and being vulnerable, ironically mean tearing down the walls that we spent the first half of our life putting up to protect us. It’s hard to realize that the very things that protected us — following the rules, being appropriate, aiming to please, or quieting our voice to keep us safe –keep us now from being our best parents, being the best of friends, and being great leaders. It is irresistibly attractive to be real and authentic. It takes a strong person to be able to show their weakness.

Be someone’s believing eyes. Nobody can succeed more than another believes in him. Whenever you’re speaking with another, whether they’re young or old, in your office or your family room, speak to the highest within them. When your child makes a mistake, or gets caught smoking something you smoked 30 years ago, speak to the person you see him or her capable of becoming. Don’t speak to them from their circumstances. Speak to the person you see they can be.

One of my greatest gifts in life are those who have patiently held the light for me until I was ready to turn the light switch on.

They convinced me I could turn it on. Then they held the light and waited until I did. I now devote my life to holding that vision for individuals, leaders and companies to fulfill their highest vision and purpose. I am so grateful that someone else did it for me. Be a believer in the highest vision of others.

Make a living doing what you love. What’s the work you can not do? If you don’t know or you’re protected mind won’t let you go there, ask yourself a different question. What’s the work when you’re in a rocking chair with a blanket on your lap towards the end of your life that you will regret you didn’t do or at least attempt?

I spent the first years doing what I thought I should on the most conservative street, in the most conservative company, on the most conservative floor, with my blue suit on, and now I’m an entrepreneur and a business owner in an alternative career.

Whatever job you do, be in the business of lifting people up. If you want to build your business, see how you can serve others. In fact, I found this helpful: drop the word “achievement” and replace it with “contribution.” In your business, work from the place of how many people can I help today? When you seek to serve from the place of serving, you’re business will thrive. Our highest needs are to connect and contribute. When you are connecting and contributing your life is met with both success and fulfillment.

Subscribe on iTunes for more tips, tools and inspiration to leading the optimal vision of your life, love and leadership. Remember, a half version of you is not enough. The world needs the fullest version of you at play.

___

About Rita Hyland

As a Business and Life Coach, Rita works with highly motivated professionals who, despite their level of success and achievements, are not happy or satisfied. Often, they’re “successful” by traditional standards, yet unfulfilled based on their own. They know they want more and are ready to have it.

Get the “Playing Full Out Accelerator” – Four Steps to Identify, Plan & Take the Leap to Your Optimal Vision of Work & Home…Without the Second Guessing.

Rita Hyland is host of the “Playing Full Out” podcast, where you’ll discover tips to break through the personal and professional barriers in a hectic world that are preventing you from leading your optimal vision of life at work and home. This is the podcast for passionate life travelers and leaders who want to live a deliberate, confident and fulfilling life, and change the world while they do.

]]>Identifying and Holding Your Boundaries With Less Strugglehttps://www.ritahyland.com/identifying-and-holding-your-boundaries-with-less-struggle/
Wed, 30 May 2018 17:42:20 +0000https://www.ritahyland.com/?p=1811Read more →]]>

What are boundaries, why are they important? How do we establish them, and what do we do when our boundaries are pushed?

You can listen to the full podcast episode here, or continue reading below.

Boundaries shape our destiny. They determine what we accept into our lives and what we don’t. They are our yes’s and no’s. Whether that’s in our families, in our homes, in our relationships, or in the organizations we lead. Whether we have weak or strong boundaries it can determine the trajectory of our life.

What I’ve noticed is that despite their significance, our society is not good at establishing nor holding onto their boundaries when someone comes up to the line and attempts or does cross them. Most recently I’ve seen this most demonstrated in our workplaces.

Last week I worked with three senior executives from three different organizations who asked me a very similar question. The gist of each question was that a colleague or colleagues had asked each executive to take on something that each disagreed with.

One leader disagreed because the team had addressed the same problem with the same solution to no avail before. He saw it as an exercise in futility and lack of imagination.

Another felt that the direction ran against what the team had previously decided were their key initiatives in the next 3-6 months.

The third had been asked to follow a party line he didn’t feel comfortable touting.

All items crossed what these individuals valued, believed or thought correct. All disagreed with the requests internally. But here’s the thing. They all said “yes” anyway.

The question is why do we say “yes” when we mean “no?”

Why we allow others desires or values dominate our own? The obvious reasons are we want people to like us. We don’t want to disappoint, make people angry, or enter or further a conflict that already exists.

So, what do we do? We abdicate. We abort. We let people step over our boundaries. This cost is great. I watch intelligent and talented leaders become bitter, resentful, drained and frustrated because they are out of self integrity. Self integrity is when what we say, feel, think and do don’t aren’t congruent. Then we get irritated and blame others.

Too many smart individuals are letting others make choices regarding their life due to their willingness and ability to say “no.” In short, they give their power away. Often it is because we don’t have the courage or know how to say “no” with grace in a conversation.

Identifying your “Hell Yes” and your “Hell no.”

The key to holding boundaries is to know what it is you stand for. Not just knowing what you are against, but what you are for as well.

I hear people say all the time, I’m against adding more to my client load, I am against doing the redundant, I’m against non-productive meetings. But what I hear missing is what am I for. You can’t hit a target you can’t see.

Think of this: if you could truly be excellent at only one thing, what would that be? By knowing this, your future decisions are easier. Know what’s most important right now.

Greg McKeown in his book Essentialism asks you to ask yourself, “Is this a hell yes or hell no?”

If we don’t know what we are for or what we want, it’s easy to say yes when we mean no. If you don’t prioritize your life, someone else is going to do it for you, and you might not like the way they do it.

So how do you move from being stressed out and struggling as a result of weak boundaries, to moving confidently and with ease by creating healthy ones?

First step, slow down. I recall Oprah Winfrey saying long ago, doubt means don’t. If you feel doubt, then don’t say yes. Instead, request more time to reflect and get clear. One of my favorite Chinese proverbs is “Muddy water, let stand, gets clear.”

One practical way to slow down is to ask for more time on the decision. You can say, “I want to make sure if I commit that I can do it. I need to get back to you before I can commit.” Then ask this series of questions.

Second step, “Is this a true choice for me?” Meaning, am I making this decision because I think I should, or because I’m afraid someone won’t agree or like me? If it’s the latter, then ask yourself what is a truer choice? In other words, what’s the most honest and authentic choice – for me? Consider what brings you joy, what energizes you and fills your tank.

Step three, change your mindset. Most of think of boundaries equating with elimination or loss. Instead think boundaries equal freedom…the freedom to do what is important to us, the freedom to be who we are, the freedom to be committed to a higher level of relationship.

Research shows those who have strong boundaries are more loving than those who do not. They have more space in their life to show up and help others.

Take back your power. Detaching from what others think about us is not always easy, but indeed the reward is priceless.

Challenge yourself to define what you stand for and what you can say “no” to this week. Enjoy the freedom at work and home that your “no” creates.

Subscribe on iTunes for more tips, tools and inspiration to leading the optimal vision of your life, love and leadership. Remember, a half version of you is not enough. The world needs the fullest version of you at play.

___

About Rita Hyland

As a Business and Life Coach, Rita works with highly motivated professionals who, despite their level of success and achievements, are not happy or satisfied. Often, they’re “successful” by traditional standards, yet unfulfilled based on their own. They know they want more and are ready to have it.

Get the “Playing Full Out Accelerator” – Four Steps to Identify, Plan & Take the Leap to Your Optimal Vision of Work & Home…Without the Second Guessing.

Rita Hyland is host of the “Playing Full Out” podcast, where you’ll discover tips to break through the personal and professional barriers in a hectic world that are preventing you from leading your optimal vision of life at work and home. This is the podcast for passionate life travelers and leaders who want to live a deliberate, confident and fulfilling life, and change the world while they do.

]]>The #1 Thing Sales Performers Must Do To Expand Their Bottom Lineshttps://www.ritahyland.com/the-1-thing-sales-performers-must-do-to-expand-their-bottom-lines/
Wed, 16 May 2018 16:39:44 +0000https://www.ritahyland.com/?p=1785Read more →]]>

Today we’re discussing increasing sales performance and business development in ways that most of us have never been taught. This is the #1 thing sales professionals must do to significantly increase their bottom line.

You can listen to the full podcast episode here, or continue reading below.

I was recently talking to a gentleman, Matt, who explained he was behind on his annual sales goal. He was frustrated and disappointed and desperately trying to figure out what to do next. As we talked, he told me he did not have enough time to do the preparation for prospecting or networking meetings and that it was getting increasingly harder for him to get in front of his prospects for industry specific reasons.

This scenario is not unique to him. He — like many sales professionals I see – operate from a place that has many of them capped from peak performance AND confused about how to reach the next level without putting in additional hours of grit and grind.

In short, they have a story that runs in opposition to their goal. “Sales are hard.” “I don’t have the time.” “The industry is disrupted.” “The economy is not in our favor.” What they don’t realize is that their power house (their subconscious mind) is unwittingly seeking to affirm the story they are telling.

Their subconscious mind doesn’t talk them out of their order. It says, “yes, yes, yes” and tries to fill the order. And because our will power is not as strong as our subconscious mind, no amount of hustle (or next new strategy, waking up earlier, time management class) can out-perform these sales stories.

To explain this more, Matt’s story was operating from a limited paradigm commonly known as HAVE – DO –BE. That is, when I have more, (fill in the blank: time, money, energy or support), then I will be able to DO X for my business so that I can BE more successful or happy.

This method of operating relies on circumstances. When we operate from our circumstances, we repeat our circumstances. When we accept this we remain stuck.

If you try to create from your old stories, you can only make choices based on the old stories’ limitations.

Einstein said you can’t solve a problem from the same level it was created. In order to significantly change or improve your current circumstances, you must raise your level of thought. You do this by approaching your problem from a higher perspective.

Cue Entrance: The paradigm from which top performing sales professionals operate is… BE –DO—HAVE. That is, when you BE in ways congruent with your outcome, then you will DO the behaviors to HAVE the level of success or achievement you want.

What this means is we must operate from the identity of the person who has already achieved the outcome we desire. Operate from your vision. In other words be vision-driven. Not circumstance-driven.

When I asked Matt how he thought a $1,000,000 generating sales performer would be, what he would do, and how we would feel, he said, “That’s easy. I see him. He’s confident. Stands tall. Eager to jump in. He asks for what he wants. He delegates. Communicates to his team. Has little to no self-doubt. He takes risks and doesn’t let much bother him.”

Then I asked, “Is that how you operate?” His defeated, “Huh, not at all,” identified his real obstacle to higher performance.

While he said he wanted to be the next $1,000,000 generator, his ways of being, doing and feeling were not congruent with that. Instead, he said he was stalling on decisions, constantly worried about his financial picture and spent time wondering what might go wrong. He realized most of his focus was on what he didn’t want to run into rather than what he wanted. As a result, he said he was often in the weeds at work, navigating from his current ‘urgent’ circumstances.

Here’s an example to understand the BE-DO-HAVE concept further. Research has shown that 70% of lottery winners go broke two to three years after they win millions of dollars. Why? The reason is because they have not taken on the ways of being of a wealthy person. They are not operating from the identity of a wealthy person and, therefore, their behaviors run against being able to even maintain what has fallen in their lap.

It’s not a secret. It’s physics. It’s called the sympathetic response. If you have two pianos in a room and you hit the key on one piano, that same key will vibrate on the other piano. Why? Because both pianos’ strings are vibrating with the same energy and frequency.

Everything is energy. The piano and you are energy. Make sure your frequency (a result of who you are being, doing and feeling) is in tune with your vision and what you want. Raise your frequency to be there in advance of the achievement of your goal.

The key to achieving whatever sales number it is you desire (and this obviously goes way beyond achieving sales as you may see) is to operate as if your goal has already been achieved. Be vision driven instead of circumstance driven.

Action Step: Ask yourself this question and write down your answer…

“Who would I BE, what would I DO andhow would I FEEL if I already achieved X?”

Then move throughout your day from that frequency or identity.

If you are looking for a challenge, do something that reflects your success is inevitable. A demonstration of sorts. Hire an additional team member. Pull the trigger on the car you’ve been wanting to buy. Say ‘yes’ to attend an event or meeting you are not prepared for. This sends a message to your subconscious mind that you’ve got this. Brain science has shown your brain will seek and (this is key) create evidence to confirm you are right. Your results will follow.

***

What’s my story costing me?

I recently did the math with a man who was making $200,000 a year and couldn’t break through this number despite the new strategies and trainings he seemed to employ for the last three years.

We looked at his story. He said, “Sales are so hard.” Ultimately, his story was that the only way to sell more was to work more hours. He knew he wasn’t willing to do that due to his young family.

We reworked his story to reflect that “sales are easy.” I asked him to bring me evidence the next time we met that this was truer than his old story. A year later he’d earned over $300,000. That additional $100,000 over this young man’s next 20 years of work is $2 million. The cost of his old story…$2,000,000.

Reaching for the stars in your sales world is not about ego. It’s about service. You have the answer to somebody’s deepest needs and desires. You playing from a half version of you doesn’t serve the world. You are ready to create ripples. Identify your sales story. Rewrite it to benefit you. Then operate your BEing as though your success has already been achieved.

As for a new sales story how about, “It is my responsibility to sell what I have to offer.” Now that’s a good story!

You’ve got this!

~Rita xo

Subscribe on iTunes for more tips, tools and inspiration to leading the optimal vision of your life, love and leadership. Remember, a half version of you is not enough. The world needs the fullest version of you at play.

___

About Rita Hyland

As a Business and Life Coach, Rita works with highly motivated professionals who, despite their level of success and achievements, are not happy or satisfied. Often, they’re “successful” by traditional standards, yet unfulfilled based on their own. They know they want more and are ready to have it.

Get the “Playing Full Out Accelerator” – Four Steps to Identify, Plan & Take the Leap to Your Optimal Vision of Work & Home…Without the Second Guessing.

Rita Hyland is host of the “Playing Full Out” podcast, where you’ll discover tips to break through the personal and professional barriers in a hectic world that are preventing you from leading your optimal vision of life at work and home. This is the podcast for passionate life travelers and leaders who want to live a deliberate, confident and fulfilling life, and change the world while they do.