Staying Sober

In Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), there are far more people who get sober than there are who stay sober. Generally, those who do not stay sober can be divided into two groups:

Those who want to stay sober, but who seem unable to

Those who are not interested in achieving long-term sobriety

Among the group who are without an interest or intent to stay sober, we see several subgroups. There are those who are in the rooms simply to fulfill a mandated sobriety, e.g., someone who is court-mandated to stay sober for one, three, or six months, and to attend meetings. Once the mandated period of abstinence expires, so does their commitment to stay sober. There are also those who are unsure whether or not they are alcoholics, and who, after some time in the rooms, decide – rightly or wrongly – that they are not alcoholics, and stop coming to AA. There are also those who are uninterested in, or even put off by, the spiritual nature of AA.

Setting aside the above group, and focusing on those who do want to stay sober, what are some of the tools that can be used to empower them to do so? It was Dr. Bob, one of AA’s founders, who probably said it best – and most simply – when he wrote on one of his prescription pads, “trust God, clean house, help others.” That being said, there are many who want more specific direction, and some of that will follow here.

Of course the basics include meetings, commitments, sponsorship, Step work, reading AA literature, using the phone, keeping it simple, living one day at a time, prayer and meditation, and seeking a Higher Power.

For many, many years, I attended a meeting every day. That included going to the same meetings regularly, so I could get to know people and people could get to know me.

It also meant getting to meetings early, sitting near the front, paying attention, staying until the end of the meeting, and listening for the similarities. I believe in the old saying, that “we identify ourselves into the rooms and compare ourselves out of the rooms.”

These days, I’m still in at least five meetings each week.

-Jay Westbrook

Being Committed to Recovery

Commitments are a wonderful way to feel like you’re a “part of” something. In early sobriety, greeting may be the most important commitment one can have, simply because it gives others a chance to get to know you, and provides a way for you to get to know others. It’s probably even more important for the shy and withdrawn alcoholic than for the gregarious one, as you can’t hide when you’re putting out your hand and welcoming each person coming through the door. Certainly the “behind the scenes” commitments – set-up, making coffee, washing coffee cups, and clean-up – can be very powerful in helping to build humility.

For those service commitments beyond the meeting level – H&I, GSR, CSR, Inter-Group, answering phones, etc. – one has to simply explore a little to find what’s a match for your skills, available time, and interest.

The most important personal commitments to sobriety include:

My friend Raymond always says, “if you travel to China, you’re probably going to need an interpreter, and that’s really all a sponsor is.” Sponsors help us understand the Program, take us through the book and the Steps, provide a listening ear and a caring heart, and share their experience, strength and hope. Eventually, we get to sponsor, and there is little we can do that will greater assure our sobriety than freely giving away that which was freely given to us.

Work the Steps, in order, with a sponsor, and your behavior will change. That’s pretty simple, and there’s not really any reason to complicate it. The work should be done steadily and consistently. Twenty minutes of Step work each day will probably get you through the Steps faster than will waiting for the multi-hour blocks of time – that don’t exist for most of us – to do the work.

Read the literature, so that you know what it says. So many of the things you hear at meetings, e.g., “the road gets narrow – this is a selfish Program – you can’t date in your first year – men stick with the men and women with the women” – are just not in the Big Book, and may actually be the exact opposite of what the Book says (as with the first three examples). I wrote an article, published right here, devoted entirely to this issue in November of 2014.

Phones are our life-line to one another. I was told early on, that if I didn’t use the phone when I was okay, that I would never use it when I was in trouble. I was also hesitant to “bother” sponsors or others with my calls. Then, a sponsor said, “how do you know I haven’t already poured the drink and am getting ready to throw away my sobriety, when you call and give me a chance to be of service, get me out of my own head, and create the pause that allows me to pour the drink down the drain instead of down my throat?” I got it. Sometimes, I’m being of service – not bothering you – when I call you.

Balancing it All

Another tool is to maintain balance. A wheel turns more smoothly when all of the spokes are the same length. Going to 21 meetings each week, but failing to do Step work, is not balance. Spending massive amounts of time with fellow AAs, but almost none with one’s family, is not balance. Like the wheel, for life to run smoothly, there must be balance.

Creating a posse, a group of Fellowship friends with whom you have coffee and do things is essential in overcoming our tendency to isolate and be loners.-Jay WestbrookCreating a posse, a group of Fellowship friends with whom you have coffee and do things is essential in overcoming our tendency to isolate and be loners. Alcoholism and addiction are diseases of loneliness and isolation. Finding a group with whom you can stay sober and share the ups and downs of sobriety, of life, makes it much easier to stay sober for the long haul.

Many alcoholics come into the rooms and get to know most of the people there, and are more than willing to be of service to others. However, reciprocity is one of the keys to long-term sobriety. So, it’s great to get to know others, but essential to let them get to know us. And, it’s great to be of service to others, but so important to allow them to be of service to us – give and take, yin and yang, wax on and wax off – you get it.

It is true, that how we do anything is how we do everything, and that has great implications for staying sober over time. We cannot engage in old behaviors – lying, cheating, stealing, justifying, minimizing, excuse making, manipulating, etc. – and expect to stay sober, for it is precisely those behaviors that will allow us to justify to ourselves, sooner or later, getting loaded.

Leaving Negativity Behind

Finally, it is interesting how many recovering alcoholics and addicts live with a nearly never-ending negative commentary about anything and everything. It’s how they talk to themselves, how they talk about themselves…how they talk about others, about life, about meetings, etc.

A surprising number of their responses commence with the word “no.” Such negativity corrodes the ability to remain happy, joyous, and free. Over time, it can lead to a sense that “I was actually happier when I was getting loaded,” which can, of course, lead to relapse.

The solution is to practice a mindfulness, to listen deeply and consistently to both one’s thoughts and one’s words, and when and where they are found to be negative, to replace them with thoughts and words that are kinder and more gentle than necessary. Initially, this may seem very awkward and uncomfortable, but practiced over time, it has the ability to soften, open, and change the person performing the practice, and to increase both the willingness and ability to stay continuously sober.

I hope this article and these tools help you to achieve and/or maintain long-term continuous sobriety.

Pro Corner Categories

April Wilson Smith, MPH, is a PhD student in Population Health at Thomas Jefferson University in Philadelphia. Her research focuses on harm reduction approaches to people who use substances when they enter the healthcare system.
April's other interest in healthcare is interprofessional education and teamwork. Her work with the Jefferson Center for InterProfessional Education won the 2016 James B. Erdmann PhD award for Excellence in Interprofessional Education. She is currently building a large, multidisciplinary coalition to create an interprofessional education module for healthcare professionals in best practices for the care of people who use drugs when they present in the acute care setting.
April is a Certified SMART Recovery facilitator and founded the first SMART Recovery meeting in the Philadelphia city limits. She is also co-founder of the only Harm Reduction, Abstinence and Moderation Support meeting in Philadelphia.
April recently accepted a position as Harm Reduction Epidemiologist with Families for Sensible Drug Policy, which is a non-profit dedicated to helping families advocate for drug policies that save drug users' lives and keep families together and healthy. Co-founder and President, Barry Lessin, is also a Pro Talk columnist .
April graduated from Yale University in 1996. She was a union organizer for healthcare workers for 18 years before going back to school for her Master of Public Health, and spent ten years as Director of Organizing for Pennsylvania's largest nurses' union. She lives in West Philadelphia with her beautiful black cat, Loviefluffy.

Located in Portland, OR, Olivia Pennelle (Liv) is an experienced writer, journalist, and coach. She is the founder of the popular site Liv’s Recovery Kitchen, a site dedicated to helping people flourish in their recovery.
Liv is passionate about challenging limiting mentalities and empowering others to direct their own lives, health, and recovery. You can find her articles across the web on podcasts and addiction recovery websites, including The Fix, Recovery.org, Workit Health, and Ravishly. Liv was recently featured in VICE.
If you're interested in connecting with Liv, you can find her on Instagram. She also created a new Facebook group called Life After 12 Steps, where she proudly sees members thriving, rather than forcing themselves to do something that doesn’t work.
Additionally, Liv offers free resources on her website, including the e-book entitled Nourishing You, which is designed to give you the tools to achieve your health goals in straightforward language.

Rita Milios, LCSW, "The Mind Mentor," combines the science of neuro-biology, traditional psychotherapy techniques, and spiritual growth techniques gleaned from ancient wisdom traditions to help people re-program old, entrenched, self-defeating habits and attitudes and successfully treat anxiety, depression, addictions (substances, people, things), eating issues, relationship issues, trauma, life transition issues and grief.
Using interactive guided imagery, dreamwork, intuitive problem-solving techniques, mindfulness meditation and other holistic techniques, along with cognitive-behavioral, humanistic and psycho-education therapies, Rita facilitates a dialogue between the client’s outer (conscious) mind and inner (subconscious) mind, helping them access their own inner wisdom to get “unstuck” and attain the clarity and wisdom they need to reach their goals and move forward on their personal journey. Rita also trains clients in self-help, empowerment and spiritual growth techniques so that they can continue to learn and grow long after therapy ends.
As “Mind Mentor" to individuals, groups, corporations and associations, Rita delivers workshops and trainings to clinical professionals, businesses and the public on topics including psycho-neurobiology, stress reduction, self-help modalities, spiritual growth and intuition/creativity. Her most recent presentation was on the topic of bereavement at the 2014 NASW FL Social Work Conference.
Rita’s 30+ published books include Tools for Transformation, Instant Inspiration and Discovering Positive Thinking. She has also published more than 100 articles for print and web and audio/video tapes on mind/body wellness, personal transformation and creative thinking. Rita has been featured on radio & TV as an expert on mind and positive thinking, and is featured as an expert at LinktoEXPERT.com and other online speaking/consulting directories.

Helaina Hovitz is a journalist, editor, author, content strategist, mental health advocate and native New Yorker who has always had the unreasonable notion that she can help change the world.
Her memoir, After 9/11: One Girl’s Journey Through Darkness to a New Beginning, details her recovery from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and alcoholism.
Her experience has led her to a career as a journalist who writes about social good, social issues, mental health, and the ways that people are working to help make the world a better place.
Her continuing bylines appear in The New York Times, Women’s Health, Glamour, Salon, Newsday, New York Observer, Teen Vogue, VICE, Newsweek, Reader’s Digest, HEALTH, Fast Company, The Fix,The Daily Meal, Tasting Table, and many others.
To connect with Helaina, visit HelainaHovitz.com, follow her on Twitter @HelainaHovitz, Facebook/com/HelainaNHovitz, or reach out on LinkedIn.

Suzula Bidon is an attorney, advocate, and educator dedicated to policy reform that recognizes addiction as a public health issue best addressed with treatment – not punishment. In long-term recovery from addiction and depression herself, Bidon is also the creator of Recovery Yoga Meetings™, a yoga curriculum designed to support those seeking recovery.
Bidon struggled with addiction and depression for 18 years. After experimenting with alcohol and marijuana as a teenager, she moved to New York to study at Barnard College, and discovered harder drugs. She got addicted to heroin and withdrew from school. Two years later, while in a methadone treatment program, she returned to Barnard and graduated with a degree in theater.
After college, Bidon struggled to maintain sobriety, and she eventually relapsed on meth. She started dealing meth to support her habit, and in 2005, a friend asked her to send some of the drug to him in New York. It was a setup, and Bidon was federally indicted for a conspiracy drug charge.
Bidon spent 27 months in federal prison, and the experience inspired her to become a lawyer. She graduated magna cum laude from William Mitchell College of Law, and was admitted to the Minnesota bar. She practiced criminal defense, then served as the Interim Executive Director of Minnesota Recovery Connection, Minnesota’s first and largest Recovery Community Organization. Bidon worked closely with the Minnesota Department of Human Services to reform Minnesota’s Substance Use Disorder Treatment and Recovery Policy.
Currently, Bidon runs her own law firm, Bidon Law PLLC, specializing in expungements and policy consulting. Bidon also leads weekly Recovery Yoga Meetings™ in yoga centers and treatment facilities throughout Minnesota, and trains and certifies yoga teachers to lead Recovery Yoga Meetings™ throughout the country.
Driven by her own experience with addiction, recovery, and the criminal justice system, Bidon is committed to eradicating discrimination and the collateral consequences that prevent people with the disease of addiction from maintaining lives in recovery. She speaks regularly about her personal experience, and addiction law and policy, in a variety of forums. She has testified at the legislature about sentencing guideline reform, she presents Continuing Legal Education seminars for legal professionals, she speaks in treatment centers, and at events around the country. She has been featured in The Huffington Post, Star Tribune, and Forbes.com. Her article, “A New Call to Action: Lawyers and Addiction” was published in the Jan/Feb 2017 issue of The Hennepin Lawyer.
Bidon volunteers her time for public service as well. She is a member of Minnesota’s Lawyers Assistance Program, Lawyers Concerned for Lawyers (LCL), where she sits on the Cases and Interventions Committee. Bidon is also the Chair of the Ramsey County Citizen’s Advisory Council Chemical Health Committee.

With over seven years of experience treating the chemically-dependent population of San Diego, Lindsay Kramer is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT) that brings expertise, compassion, and perpetually-evolving insight into her work at Caroline Stewart and Associates. Lindsay graduated from the University of San Diego with her Master's degree in Marital and Family Therapy 2008, but began her work with families and their children in 2004 by providing parent education and social skills groups to hundreds of families in San Bernardino country.
A San Diego native, Lindsay continued her work with school-aged children while beginning graduate school in 2006, but found her passion in the mental health field when she initiated her clinical hours at the Phoenix House of San Diego. During this three-year period, Lindsay immersed herself in the demographic of adolescents and their families that struggled to overcome substance abuse/dependence. From there, Lindsay solidified her future as a psychotherapist as she learned that the "dual diagnosis" focus was inherently a second language due to the combination of her own family experience and resounding comfort in this often-challenging work. Lindsay then transitioned to San Diego's East County empire as she took a job as a Dual Diagnosis clinician for the county-funded nonprofit, San Diego Youth Services. Lindsay spent three more years deepening her understanding of multi-generational addiction and mental illnesses by providing outpatient services to low-income families through East County juvenile probation and school-based clinical sites. Lindsay now treats chemically-dependent adults within an inpatient/day treatment setting though the SHARP McDonald Center, which allows her to continue enhancing her passion for overall recovery and long-term growth within the individuals and families in which she serves.
Though typically provided on a long-term treatment modality, Lindsay also provides psychotherapy on a short-term, solution-focused basis. Lindsay is fluent in working with individuals, couples, and families, and loves a good therapeutic challenge. Aside from her expertise in chemical dependency/addictive behaviors, Lindsay specializes in the treatment of depressive and anxiety disorders, behavioral problems in adolescents (ranging from ADHD to conduct disorder), complex traumas (including abuse and PTSD), personality disorders, and phase of life problems. Lindsay is also always up-to-date with current drug trends that are so pervasively (and unfortunately) impacting our communities, families, and children.

Addiction can distort our perception, but a life in recovery can restore our ability to find peace once again.

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