Monthly Archive: April 2014

30

Both a good friend and my mother-in-law recommended this book to me in the course of two days, so I figured I should pick it up. It’s only $2.99 on Amazon for Kindle right now, so if you’re interested I say seize the moment and order it.

I am an introvert with some outgoing tendencies. I’d almost always rather stay in at night than go out for the sake of going out, but I do love being active during the day (a long walk alone or with my husband, exploring a new neighborhood, is kind of my version of heaven). I love to read, love to analyze things, and just generally enjoy thinking through issues to come up with solutions to problems. I don’t have a problem with public speaking (I give presentations often at conferences), but I loathe ‘networking’ and have a hard time making small talk with people I don’t know.

Being an introvert in the U.S. can be a challenge, and this book focuses on the ways U.S. society holds extroverted personality types up as the ideal, and how that isn’t necessarily beneficial to individuals OR to society. Working in teams, being a confident public speaker, and feeling good networking or marketing one’s self are all seen as end goals that introverts need to overcome, as opposed to what they really are: ways of doing things that work for some people but not for all.

When reading this book I was reminded of when the new CEO of Yahoo cut all telecommuting options off. When I read comments on some of these articles (I know, I know, but stick with me here) I was sort of amazed at how many people took the position that if you feel more comfortable working at home and not in a big open plan office with the “team,” then you weren’t the kind of person who deserved to work in the tech industry. The implication was that success comes to those who thrive in that type of environment; everyone else was either worthless or needed to ‘overcome’ their preferences for solitary work to get ahead. I think that’s bullshit, and this book provides support for my assessment.

It is not my favorite book; I found that it wasn’t organized in a way that necessarily best presented her arguments, and the last chapter on raising introverted children seemed important but also sort of tacked on. But Ms. Cain makes some good points about the benefits of allowing people to work within what feels comfortable to them; it’s not about allowing everyone to stay safely within their comfort zones, but instead about recognizing that there are different comfort zones, and forcing a minority of one type of person out of theirs to accommodate the majority of another type isn’t the way to get the best out of people. I will definitely return to it for reference when I am faced with those arguing that my introversion is some sort of flaw to be overcome as opposed to a strength.

24

After two days at a local conference that offered some good information (and some super awkward moments, thankfully not due to anything I did), I’m happy to share my weekly dive into what is often the pit of humanity. BUT! If you stick with it to the end (or just scroll down), I have a treat for you.

– Mostly good: “Here in Ireland, the presumption that all women will have children is so ingrained that child-free couples are referred to in the census as being ‘pre-family’.” Two is really company for childless couples (h/t @nothavingababy)

21

So the other day I was at an evening work event. There were some delicious appetizers, a bunch of beer and wine, and some fancy sparkling water. Anyone who knows me well knows that I’m not big into beer or wine, but that I love bubbles. So I grabbed a can of the seltzer and was enjoying it when a sweet and well-meaning former colleague came up and said “sparkling water? So? Any chance that a little one is on the way?” I laughed and said no, I just like seltzer water and am driving later, and left it at that. But it bothered me, and I realized it bothered me for a couple of reasons.

The first reason is this idea that adults are required to drink alcohol if it is available. It seems that adults are thought of as abnormal if we choose to drink non-alcoholic beverages when wine or beer are around, and I quite literally do not understand it. I don’t drink often, and when I do, I usually limit it to one or two drinks at the most. And I certainly don’t drink if I’m going to be driving in the next couple of hours. I like some alcoholic beverages (sparkling wine, Irish whiskey, rum-based tropical delights), but they are definitely what I would consider ‘sometimes’ things. I get that many people enjoy beer or wine every night, but I’ve reached the point where I find it a little bizarre that the default assumption of adulthood seems to be “evening + gathering of other adults = MUST DRINK.” Why is that? I don’t recall agreeing to that.

And to be as clear as possible – there is nothing wrong, in my opinion, with drinking wine. Or beer. Or liquor. I don’t think people should do that before driving, obviously, but I get that many people drink. A quick Googling for some data shows that in the U.S., on average, adults consume about 4 drinks per week. I probably consume maybe that many per month, so obviously some people are going to consume more. But somehow it has gotten so engrained in society that adults are going to drink at night, that someone choosing not to do so needs some sort of reason – in my case, since I’m a woman of childbearing age, it must be because I’m expecting. I don’t like that. I’d like to be able to choose whatever beverage sounds good and not have it somehow be a signal to the world that I’m in the midst of growing a human.

The second reason that bothered me is that whether I’m pregnant or not is really no one’s business. Again, anyone who knows me at all is VERY clear about the fact that if I’m pregnant, a) something has gone horribly, horribly wrong, and b) I’m not going to be pregnant for long. So even asking me that question shows that you and I? We’re not that close. And since we AREN’T that close, why would you feel it necessary to ask me such a personal question? If I were pregnant and wanted you to know, guess what? I’d tell you.

Now, I can’t speak for women who actually have been pregnant and have faced these situations, but they always strike me as very uncomfortable. I feel that asking if someone is expecting (whether it is due to abstention from alcohol or not) puts women who ARE pregnant in an unfair situation: either they tell the person they are (even if they had no intentions of doing that), or they can lie and say no. Again, if someone wants me to know they are pregnant, I really, strongly believe that it’s up to them to tell me. Sure, I’ve asked friends about timelines, in terms of a ‘hey, are you guys still thinking about going the kid route?’ more from a wanting to know what’s up in general frame, and it’s possible I’ve even forgotten myself and veered into the territory about which I’m currently complaining. Especially with really close friends – I know I’ve been tempted to want to ask how things are going when they’ve faced reproductive challenges. I want them to know I care! But over the years I’ve learned that there are ways to express support for those friends without repeatedly asking “are you pregnant now? How about now? How about … now? I see you didn’t have any beer tonight – are you finally expecting?!” I get the curiosity when someone knows that people want children, but I think it’s a really good thing to remember that people will tell me when they feel it is appropriate, and my timeline of wanting to know really doesn’t factor into it.

Are these superficial things to complain about? Possibly. But I do think they demonstrate a couple of broader problems. I think the fact that people need to find a reason for why someone chooses not to drink shows that we don’t really have a healthy relationship with alcohol in our society. It’s almost as if some people who do choose it feel insecure about that decision, and want to be reassured that it’s acceptable to have that glass of wine. I just wish they’d keep their issues to themselves, or at the very least, consider asking WHY they care about what I choose to drink.

I think it’s fairly obvious that the idea that an individual woman’s reproductive choices are fair game for discussion by anyone is problematic, and this is just but one teeny tiny (and possibly not that common?) example of the entitlement to know about those choices. It’s just one manifestation of how women of a certain age are seen almost as public property, even by those with the best and sweetest of intentions. Again, I wish more people would just take that second to think “hey, if she were pregnant, she’d probably tell me when she wanted to” and leave it at that.

19

First off, I fully recognize that this review would probably be best saved for AFTER I visit the city for which I purchased it. However, that trip is over five months away, so I don’t know if I’d really remember much at that point. If anything in the book has led me wildly astray, however, I’ll come back and update my review.

In my experience of the travel book world, there are a few big players, which I usually envision this way: Rick Steves (a.k.a. what your parents use); Fodor’s and Frommer’s (the sort of generic middle of the road); Lonely Planet (for the SLIGHTLY less mainstream traveler), and Eyewitness (for the person who likes shiny things and detailed maps). I know there are others; these are just the ones I have found to be the ones usually in stock at a bookstore. In looking at my husband’s and my travel bookshelf, we have 10 Lonely Planet guides and three Eyewitness Travel.

18

I first learned about Ms. Benincasa in 2008, when her Sarah Palin videos were making the rounds online. I can’t recall what happened to bring her to my attention a couple of years later, but I started listening to her “Sex and Other Human Activities” podcast (R.I.P.). Thankfully that led me to “Radio Dispatch” and my now-favorite daily news/cat stories/activism show “Citizen Radio”. In 2012, her first book, Agorafabulous!, was the first book I purchased for my first e-reader. So what I’m saying is, I enjoy her work. We don’t always agree politically (I think she’s a bit more ‘just chill, it’s a joke’ than I am about things), but her tweets make me laugh, and her memoir was a really great, humorous look into her experience with depression.

She hinted that she was working on a Young Adult version of The Great Gatsby over a year ago; a bit after that she said she was setting it in modern times, with younger characters and a gender switch for a couple of the main characters. I had to look this up online, but Nick has become Naomi and Jay is now Jacinta. In case it isn’t obvious, I should probably admit here that while I’m sure I’ve read The Great Gatsby, I … don’t remember it. Really at all. At this point I think every mental image I can conjure up about that book is more likely to be from a preview of Baz Luhrman’s movie. I know. So keep that in mind when I say that I LOVED THIS BOOK.

Seriously. I really enjoyed it, to the point where I put off a whole bunch of chores to make sure I finished it today. There were bits that I could tell were direct references to the original work (the green light is a computer charger port light, the billboard is now one advertising plastic surgery), but it still felt original, if that makes sense. The book is tightly written, easy to read, fun, sweet, and clever. The setting works really well, and while some references may become outdated (Facebook plays a bit of a role), I don’t know how one could write a book about teenagers set in modern times and just pretend that social media doesn’t exist. She also handles the fact that these young adults do have parents without necessarily making it all about those relationships. It’d be odd if 17-year-olds just existed in the Hamptons with no reference to the adults raising them. There’s clearly some ‘yeah, right’ feel about some of the actions of these kids, but it’s much more believable than, say, Gossip Girl.

17

This is my second Nora Ephron essay collection (again an audio version read by the author). Unfortunately I didn’t not enjoy it as much as her previous effort (I Feel Bad About My Neck), mostly because the essays tended to be shorter, a bit more random, and honestly not as well-written. I recall it starting out fairly strongly, and I was definitely into it for a bit. But in the end, I think my favorite part was how short it was.

My biggest problem really was in the storytelling, which, now that I see that written out, might kind of the biggest problem one can have with book. My feeling about Nora Ephron in the past has been that she has a great skill in telling ordinary stories in an entertaining and interesting way. Honestly, the only story that has stuck with me since finishing this book a few hours ago is an amusing retelling of how she got pushed out of making Christmas desserts after many years of doing it for the giant family and friend gathering.

In fact, I had to check out other reviews to be reminded that another essay, about her entrance into the world of journalism, was and interesting read (or listen). I don’t know – sometimes books stick with you. Sometimes they don’t. If you ask me two weeks if I’ve read this book, I might not be able to answer that with any sense of certainty. Which, given the book’s title, is mildly amusing

– One of my favorite classes in London was called “Evidence, Objectivity, and Policy.” We spent time analyzing the idea of the “view from nowhere,” and ultimately I came away much more skeptical of it than I had been (especially since that view is usually synonymous with “view from older straight cis white man”). Here is a piece on why the latest new (white guy) news ventures are problematic: Objectively bad: Ezra Klein, Nate Silver, Jonathan Chait and return of the “view from nowhere”

15

Melissa Harris-Perry hosts a show on MSNBC on the weekends. She’s known for having actual people on the show to discuss news stories that impact them – she doesn’t invite six old white men on to discuss whether birth control should be covered under the Affordable Care Act. If she’s talking about an issue, she seeks to invite people on who KNOW about the topic, and who, if possible, are affected by the topic.

So it makes sense that she would want to write a book about how Black women are (mis)recognized in the United States, using focus groups, real-world examples, and references in literature and popular culture. Sister Citizen is a deep look into how Black women have faced the intersection of race and gender living in the United States. Using the concept of trying to stand up straight in a ‘crooked room,’ she talks through many of the different ways Black women are pigeon-holed into stereotypes, negative images, or ideas that support the White concept of what Black women should be. US society perpetuates negative and destructive images of Black woman, and Dr. Harris-Perry’s book delves into the origins and how Black women deal with this.

As expected by a professor she makes well-researched, strong arguments about the ways in which these stereotypes impact how Black women are viewed by others and how they view themselves. It’s challenging to write more about this because, well, she’s already written it well, and I don’t think there’s much that I could presume to add. All I can really do is recommend it highly.

13

I’ve had a couple of people ask me (now that I’ve started mainlining books in the same way I do cupcakes) for some recommendations on what to read.

You mean, you haven’t been religiously following me on here and taking copious notes? FOR SHAME!

But seriously, yeah, I don’t even remember some of the books that I thought were awesome. But I went back to some of my reviews from the past couple of years to pull together a few books I think folks should read.

Novels

Usually, at least in the past, I haven’t been huge on novels or literature. Once I got out of high school (I didn’t take any literature courses in college), I picked books where I thought I would learn something. Which sort of implies I didn’t think I could learn anything from literature, which, yikes. But not because of deficiencies of the genre; because I didn’t trust that I could really find the deeper meanings in things without a readers guide or a teacher to direct me to it. Solid reasoning, right? Anyway, I’ve started to move past that a bit, so here are my favorites:

Blindness by Jose Saramago – This was an anniversary present from my college boyfriend (who I found out years later hadn’t actually read it). It quickly became my favorite novel, and possibly retains that title, although I haven’t re-read it in a couple of years. It takes awhile to get used to the writing style (lots of seemingly-endless paragraphs), but it is good. The premise: a contagious epidemic of white blindness starts to spread throughout society.

Atonement by Ian McEwan – You might have heard of this one, assuming you had access to any form of media when Kiera Knightly starred in the movie adaptation. The book is fantastic. Told from a young woman’s perspective as she grows up during WWII, facing the consequences of a lie she told when she was younger. It is brutal, it will knock you on your ass, and it is good.

Les Miserables by Victor Hugo – It might sound silly, but go with the unabridged version. Yes, all 1,500 pages of it. Yes, you might find yourself humming songs as you read it. Yes, you will realize that Javert deserved so much more than Russel Crowe.

My Sister’s Keeper by Jodi Picoult – Get the audio version. I mentioned this in my review earlier this year, but as a reminder – the book is written from different character perspectives, with chapters dedicated to the point of view of that one character. The audio version has different actors for each of those characters, which means you can really feel the shift. The issues this book raises are numerous and complex, and I’m still chewing it over. Just please, for the love of all that is good in this world, DO NOT WATCH THE MOVIE. Cripes is it a giant turd.

Non-Fiction

Many of the non-fiction books I’ve read I’ve picked because they might teach me something clever – think Mary Roach, or even the A.J. Jacobs-style of “I’ll do this for a year” trivia tomes. But many of my favorite reads are from feminist authors as well. This year I’m working on branching out beyond Mainstream White Feminism, because it’s rife with problems.

However, I still think Jessica Valenti nails a lot of the problems facing women today, and so I recommend three of her books: Full Frontal Feminism, The Purity Myth and (to a lesser degree) Why Have Kids? The first two should be recommended reading for all young women (and their parents); the latter is good for parents, would-be parents and never-going-to-be parents alike.

If you’re a lover of science and are tired of hearing the same horrible conversations about things like not vaccinating children, I think you’ll like Ben Goldacre’s Bad Science. And if you want to jump further into the issues of science and ethics, The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot is a great one to pick up.

Memoir-ish

Finally, if you’re at all like me, you sometimes want a little humor with your reading. Although not a memoir, a favorite go-to nightstand book (for when I only want to read for a few minutes but need to start winding down my mind) is Brain Droppings by George Carlin. It’s bizarre, and I’ve read it probably dozens of times over the past decade, but even now, when I pick it up and open it to any random page, I know I’ll at least chuckle, if not burst out laughing.

As for proper humor / political / other types of memoirs, there’s only really one must read, and that’ Let’s Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson, a.k.a the Bloggess. It’s absurd. It’s sweet. It’s relatable (I mean, I’ve never had my arm up a cow’s vagina, but the lesson there is universal). And it’s fucking FUNNY.

I also recently really enjoyed Dan Savage’s American Savage. This too was an audio book selection, which my husband and I listened to while driving around Ireland on our honeymoon. I’ve disagreed with Mr. Savage on things in the past, and continue to disagree with him on things now, but most of what’s in this book is, to me, pure gold.

I could recommend more, and if you’re interested in one of the many genres I haven’t captured on here (I’m finally delving into fantasy and steam punk a bit), drop me a line, as according to Good Reads I’ve read and rated a couple hundred books. At the very least, if you’re thinking of dropping $20 and a a dozen hours of your time on a book I’ve read, I can let you know whether I thought it was a good choice or not.

12

My husband kindly takes many of book recommendations, but pointed out last night that I don’t often take his. So today I sat down and plowed through Blankets, my first foray into graphic novels. It definitely did not turn me off of the genre, but this one wasn’t exactly my cup of tea. And in my husband’s defense, he read it a few years ago and only really remembered that there was a brotherly relationship in the book. I don’t necessarily think he would have recommended it to me if he’d remembered the rest.

The novel is about a young man who doesn’t really feel he belongs in his world. Which is usually of great interest to me, but in this case much of it was about his faith; specifically his place in a very Christian family and community. I am no longer a Christian, and have very little interest in reading Bible quotes, so having a book that was SO entwined with that imagery was a bit disappointing. I get why it was there – it was absolutely vital to the story – it just wasn’t a story I had much interest in reading in this telling.

The drawings are lovely, and the story flows pretty well. However, there are definitely areas that are hinted at but not fully fleshed out, so I was left kind of wondering what had happened. And some of the character drawings had me a little confused as to who was who. But overall I can see the appeal of the genre, and am certainly not opposed to reading other graphic novels.