Wednesday, October 9, 2013

:)

I realize no one is interested in my boring day-to-day life. You guys read and grew to love this blog looking at pictures, watching videos, and learning about the life of my Tripp.

I guess there are plenty things I could say. Honestly, there has been so much that has happened since I stopped blogging that there's no way I could squeeze everything into one post (at least not one that anyone would read)... maybe that's another day.

I could surely preach on about what terrible shape our world is in and beg everyone to pray and go to church so we can turn it around before it's too late- but you might call me a holy roller and quit reading.

I could write about being sad and missing my baby and how hard it is to go on about my day-to-day life watching everyone else with their kids.

But seriously, who wants to hear about that?

Maybe I'll talk about the weather and how beautiful it's been around here?

Bored yet?

But I have been receiving emails and letters from a lot of you... and that's what makes my heart smile.

And what also makes me want to start writing again.

But it's pretty difficult when you write on a particular subject for so long... and then you have to change your tune.

What do people like to hear about?

What makes people read blogs?

Did you gravitate towards a love story

between a mother and son?

Did you crave the inspiration from a small

angel who was fighting his battle?

Did you fall in love with the drumming skills

of a little boy who couldn't see?

Or was it trying to understand faith

with such a difficult cross to bear?

I do wonder that...

I wonder what made our support system grow SO big in such a short time?

What made a community step up so beautifully and get involved?

What made hundreds of thousands of strangers all over the world send us kind words and encouragement?

Maybe I'll never truly know.

But I'm starting to realize a little more every day that God had a reason for all of this.

For me, it was trying to understand faith. How to hold on to it even when everything is falling apart around you. You inspired me to be strong, and to trust God, after so many years of pushing him, my faith, and my strength away. I don't think you should stop blogging. If you have nothing to write about, share quotes, passages or pictures that inspire. I have a blog, and half the time I just post stuff that I find to be beautiful. Spread happiness. Spread strength. It may not mean something to everyone, but it will mean something to someone.

Courtney, you could talk about just anything and we would be here reading, offering love & support. Anytime your sad, sit at your Pc and read all the amazing comments posted from around the world. You part of all our families without even knowing it. Much love & hugs from the Uk xx

Still thinking of you day in and day out. I keep a picture of you and Tripp at my desk (the one of you holding him and the two of you are wearing the elmo shirts smiling at eachother) and look to it often for encouragement and inspiration. Love and prayers to you continuously. It was great to hear from you. Stay strong momma, God will give you your "reason" when he feels you are 100% ready for it. Love from Destrehan, Danielle

Courtney, we want you to write about whatever your heart leads you to write about. We didn't just fall in love with Tripp we fell in love with you too. I can honestly say I think about you daily because anytime I try to tag or text my daughter Courtney, your name pops up and I wonder how you are. Please write, fill up this blog with your life details ever how mundane you think they may be. I am interested!

Courtney, we want you to write about whatever your heart leads you to write about. We didn't just fall in love with Tripp we fell in love with you too. I can honestly say I think about you daily because anytime I try to tag or text my daughter Courtney, your name pops up and I wonder how you are. Please write, fill up this blog with your life details ever how mundane you think they may be. I am interested!

I think about you a lot. You two taught a lot of lessons- don't sweat the small stuff- doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of what I have learned. I think about if you have been feeling any better- if you have found happiness in your life- I continue to pray for you and your family. I know that Tripp is entertaining my parents and in laws in heaven. This makes me happy because two of them never met even one grandchild. They will be loving and cuddling Tripp. God's blessings on you! ��❤️��������

I keep checking back to see how you are now. I would like to see how you have lived since everything. I think many of us want to see the positive that has come your way because we all know how much you deserve to be happy. I need to see the happier part of this story. Please show us that there are some brighter days for you.

Dear Courtney,I am always interested in reading your updates. I guess I want to know that you are "OK" and want to see how a mom who has lost everything can pick up the pieces and try to go on and live life again in honor of her precious boy. Your baby taught us all lessons in love, compassion, and courage, and hearing from his mom from time to time helps us know that you are still going on and appreciating those lessons he taught you as well. So please don't stop writing altogether and keep us updated on your life, we care about your updates!

I was wondering how you are doing... I can imagine, that the wound will never heal completely, but I hope for you and your fiance and your family, that it will become better day by day... that doesn't mean to forget... just making that place, that you can go on... and not feeling guilty when you are happy and laughing...

Just write. Write about your feelings of missing Tripp. Talk about him. We miss him, too. Tell us about your down times, and all of your new happy times. Just write. I'll be happy to see you posting about anything again. :)

I was drawn to your honest writings. It's refreshing to read REAL thoughts from someone going through a REAL situation. Life is not all rainbows and butterflies, perfect crafts and parties- at least, that's not my reality. It's nice to not feel alone dealing with life's struggles, and to draw encouragement from someone who has been to the brink. You have an amazing story. Write whatever is in your heart; I'll keep reading.

I hope this works... I have thought of Tripp, you, and your family often. You are still on a journey. God has given you a testimony that is unique. we know that you still hurt. We know you have good and bad moments. We know that God is giving you the strength. Please, continue to blog. You never know, I just might be the person saying "I can't", see your blog, then realize if Courtney can in Christ, then so can I.

I opened the email containing your new blog post and I kid you not, Louis Armstrong's "Wonderful World" came on the radio. God speaking, here! ;-) Well, we fell in love with eveyrthing about your little guy, of course. He taught us so much. And then there was YOUR selflessness and tenacity, hope, faith, love, little joys, our collective sorrow....your hope for Tripp I found incredible but understandable, being a mom myself. As for blogging, you need to do what you feel is best for your soul. I'd just like to know your are OK, even if it's a post every great once in a while. You found a wonderful guy and I have great hopes for both of you--you are an amazing mother.......

Courtney it is wonderful to hear from you! I miss your posts and hearing about your life. I would love to read about your "boring" every day life. I continue to pray you and your family and always wonder how you are doing. To answer your question I fell in love with Tripp and your family because of your writing. You have such a way with words that it feels like whatever you are feeling just leaps off the page and

I think of you often and wonder how you are doing. Your story inspired me to continue to read your blog and pray for little Tripp. You are an incredible mother and your also an influence to alot of us moms! Feel free to write about what ever you want because you will be surprised how many of us are interested in your "boring life". Take care of yourself and we hope to hear from you soon!Love, Kayla in Kinder, LA

You have such an eloquent way with words, you could write the alphabet and we would love to read it :) your blog has been inspirational, we've laughed with you, cried with you, and fell in love with you and your precious angel that you so selflessly shared with us! please keep writing, no matter how mundane you think the subject is!

I think it was all of those things and more that kept me here with you and with Mr T. You are both an absolute inspiration to me in so many ways and I will continue to send my prayers out to you and up to Mr. Tripp each and every night! Wishing you peace and comfort!!!

We care about you more than you realize. You and Tripp have inspired us. We like knowing how you are doing because you have shared so much of yourself on this blog. We all feel like we know you, and that you are one of our friends.

I am fine with whatever your heart tells you to write. Not only did I fall in love with Tripp and his story, but I also greatly admire you and your family. I think of you often, and wonder how you are doing :-)

I can say that when I heard about your story, and starting reading posts but didn't subscribe to the blog I fell in love with your strength, your strength as a christian women, your strength as a mother to a child who didn't deserve what he endured, and as a women of faith. I had just become a mother myself shortly before hearing of your story. Each night I laid my daughter to bed I would stay at her crib side and do my prayers and pray for a miracle for little Tripp and for comfort weather that be with our Father above or for a cure for his discomfort. I just received a blog email today from another blog I follow and it made me think of you and how you hadn't posted in a while. Shortly later I opened email and seen your post. I think it goes for a lot of people we love to hear anything you are a beautiful writer and I love to read what you write, it helps me become a stronger christian women and stronger in my faith, that we don't need all the answers as long as we believe in God and believe he has all of the answers we need. God Bless You and your family.

Courtney, I really have missed your blog. I didn't just fall in love with a strong little boy who had a personality larger than life but I fell in love with a strong and loving Mother who gave all she could to make Tripp as happy and comfortable as she could. You brought awareness about this horrible disease which I have set up a portion of my paycheck every two weeks to DEBRA in Tripps memory. Please keep us updated on how you are doing. You are loved by many people who have only met you through your beautiful and heartfelt writings. Hugs from Virginia

We fell in love with BOTH OF YOU! Obviously Tripp was impossible not to love, but your strength in the face of such tragedy, and your willingness to continue living despite every part of you wanting to go be with your boy is what makes us all love you. We want to hear about all the beautiful things that have happened to you, all the terrible things you are still feeling and will probably always feel, and we wait eagerly for new posts to know what path all of this has taken you down. What are you going to do with your life moving forward? What lessons will you share with other families in similar shoes? Heck, we even want to know what you ate for breakfast. The little details that you may think bore us, are in fact what give us joy and hope for you. You have guided people towards something more powerful than you or me. Don't stop now!!! It's funny how I don't know you, yet I think of you often, and am constantly wishing you the best. :-)

I think Krisi said it so so so very well. She is so right when she says we didn't just fall in love with Tripp, but we did fall in love with you. It was so nice to hear from you. I hope you and that sweet man of yours are doing well - or as well as you can be without Tripp. Please write about whatever it is you need to or want to. Write for you. The rest will fall into place and take care of itself. Much love to you. xoxo

Courtney, people have forged a bond with you. You could write about a purple fly swatter and bubble gum and we'd follow your every word. :) You can talk about whatever you want to... you have let people in, you've shown the world parts of you that most people hide and because you were vulnerable with us, you permitted us to feel our own vulnerabilities and to find compassion in places we might not have ever visited before if it weren't for the guiding steps of your blogs. Yes, I read your blog FOR ALL THE REASONS you listed and so many more. I for one want to know how your engagement is going? Are you making plans for a wedding? Did you do a garden this? If so, what did you plant? You can make a blog as simple or as complex as you want, just come back... you're missed, a lot. BUT, only if you want to... no pressure. We loved your light even if you felt it was in the dark... you took us with you and we could all love you together. Blog whatever you want to. Heck, Take a picture and just post it. You don't even have to put words to it. We'd love it just because you shared it. Livy <3

Courtney, I didn't comment much, but I wanted to let you know that we fell in love with YOU and your life with your precious baby boy. You writing about you and what your life currently entails is what those that grew to love you and your family want to read about. Whether you are sad, happy in love, struggling or not. Just you.

I think people just geniuinely love you and Tripp. We were touched by your story.

I personally would love for you to blog about this next chapter in your life. As someone above my commented, how is the engagement? What do you do during your days? But, it is really up to you. Your blog can be anything you want it to be, you can start a new one if you want to keep this one just about Tripp. Or you can never blog again if you are just done with it. It's up to you. We just wish you well and miss your posts.

I'm so glad that you chose to write again. I know your feeling lost on what to write about. All I can suggest to you is to sit down and brainstorm some things that your passionate about. Whats inspires you, if its fashion, medicine, other mommies going through similar life challenges that you faces yourself. You are a very gifted and talented writer. I look forward to reading whatever you chose to write about. You have a lot of loyal fans here. Hope to hear from you soon. _Becca P (Washington)

For me I was drawn to Tripps huuuge personality and vigor for life. I had never heard of his disease before your blog. I was also drawn to what an amazing job you did with him and the love you and your family surrounded Tripp with. The bonus was of course your faith! Stay strong Courtney!! God still has an amazing plan for your life :)

We will always love to read your updates.No matter what it is. We miss your little boy and when you write something, and when I see your latest post pops up in my reading lists, it makes me smile and remember your little drummer boy in heaven.

I was JUST wondering how you were yesterday and sent up a prayer for you.

I read because my husband and I have been called to foster and adopt special needs children---which makes NO sense because I hate seeing children in pain and struggling. So why would I pursue what I want to run away from---because my tender heart can't handle it? Simply because it's my calling. And so, as I wrestled with that calling two years ago, I read your blog, to see the beauty in the devastation, the hero in the broken body. And God used that. He used it, even as I RAGED at Him some days, when Tripp was suffering so and I asked Him "WHY, why, WHY!?!?!?" a million times over.

Now, we are a few short months away from being certified to bring in children who are special needs and need a Mama and Daddy, because unlike your Tripp who had a brave warrior Mama who fought for and WITH him every step of the way, they have no one to do that for them----yet. I'm not sure this even makes sense---the "why"---but I hope in a small way it does, because this was a life-changer for me---this blog---and as a result, it has been a life changer for the children to come to my heart, who will find a Mommy and Daddy that will choose to fight as hard as you did for them as they live what makes no sense earthside, but I HAVE to believe will be redeemed with an astounding beauty heaven-side.

When I first found your blog, I had a six month old, constantly crying refluxy baby and woe was me. I stumbled upon your story and I was floored. I could not believe such suffering was possible and also such courage. I was ashamed of my own reaction to my really quite insignificant issues and since that moment, I have valued every moment with my son and counted my blessings of health and love daily. You and Tripp are shining examples to me and when I saw your recent post I was so happy to see it pop up. You deserve happiness - that does not mean we forget Tripp - I go and walk by a bush I planted in his honour in my garden when he passed and think of him always. He was so brave and led me to countless other butterflies that I now follow and try to support. Keep in touch x

Hey Courtney!I say just post whatever u want, We all fell in love with u and Tripp and this blog keeps us connected to u both. And i say u can keep posting pix of Tripp even if we have seen them before because i for one never get sick at looking at his beautiful little face <3

Courtney, What a JOY to hear from you. I know I'm not alone when i say you have been missed and remembered, as has Tripp. There have been times I've seen his little SS friend and thought of him. I've wondered How your wedding plans have come along. How you are coming. Yes, we certainly feel in love with your little man, but we also came to care very much for you. l'd love to read your blog

I've wondered about you, what you're up to, how you're doing. It is probably just random internet voyuerism, but I do want to know that you're carrying on, that you're achieving a sort-of ok (because really, burying your child: not ok.) and that in general, life can go on after such a loss. I haven't lost a child. My son has a heart defect and his prognosis is good, but he's really helped me to not take anything for granted. I've always wondered if I lost him if I could go on. You, and the other women I know who've lost children continuing to live and see some brightness in life gives me hope that if ever faced with the same situation, I could achieve the same. I think about Tripp a lot. He and my son share the same birthday, for as long as I've followed you, it's hard not to think of May 14th and not think of Tripp. Anyway, that's a lot of sentances that probably don't make much sense. Short answer: I'd still read, whatever you post. Came here today, got excited when I saw on my roll that you'd posted. Glad to hear your words.

I love reading your blog, no matter what it is. Your a inspiring young woman. As a mother I look up to your courageousness. I've followed Tripp's story all along and so did my children. Every time we pass his resting place my children say "there's baby Tripp momma" bring's tears to my eyes every time. May God continue to place his healing hands upon you and your family.

I check your blog often for updates. We all fell in love with Tripp. His strength and his will to move forward, his ability to show us what really matters in life. Everything about him... But we also feel a closeness to you. I agree with Liv. You could write about dirty socks and i would read. Please come back to your blog.

Courtney, you are loved by so many who still care about you, think about you, and wonder how you are doing. Please write when you can and be your wonderful honest self. Also let us know what's up with Stephen. :)Tripp is so missed. I still think of him when I see Elmo. I love the headstone you got. It is perfect!

Courtney, I still think of you all the time, and am still here eagerly waiting to read ANYTHING you want to write about! Whatever you have to say, I am here to listen. Just because Tripp is no longer with us definitely doesn't mean I'm going to turn and walk away I love you, as a person and as a fellow Christian, and yes, I want to hear about your so-called boring life!

We all came to know you because of Tripp, but we all continue to check in on you here and pray for you because of you. We came to LA for vacation this summer and stopped in Ponchatoula (sp?) for breakfast at McD's. I made my husband stop so I could see Tripp's plot and pray for you. You have had an impact on all of our lives and we want to continue to pray for you, love you, and rejoice with you now and in the future. Love you Courtney.

Hi Courtney. Thank you for taking the time to update. I'd love to know about you. Did you go on the overseas trip to the shrine? Is the house finished? I hope you love it! Are you working? Write about 'boring' stuff. Write about ANYTHING at all. It will just be great to hear from you. Take care.

Courtney, I would be happy reading anything you want to share and write about! I saw that you posted today and my heart smiled. Thankyou for updating although it's hard for you. You're so strong. I will always read whatever you have to say, your words melt my heart. You are an inspiration to people out there. I don't know how you do it. I think of you each day and pray for you! I always think of the video of Tripp rolling his eyes at you. I can hear your voice saying "Don't you roll your eyes at mommy!" so clearly. It's great. xoxo

You could write about any of those topics you listed as being boring and I would read. I read blogs by women who are open and honest and most important, themselves. Don't try to fit your blog into what anyone wants. If you are sad and want to write about it...do it. If you have boring news or exciting news or whatever news, the thing is, it's your news.

Courtney, thanks for returning to blog! We definitely want to be with you and hear from you, especially when it's boring! Because nothing is boring, everything has a meaning. I can learn about healing from you because we all need that in some way or another. I am going through a divorce which is my nightmare right now that I have to live through and go on... I can find strenght in your previous posts and see that my problem is small, and managable, and everything's for the better..

Ditto to Sabrina's post.... Courtney, I learned of your blog though another angle mom that lost her little girl to a drowning three years ago, maybe it would do your heart and mind good to go searching though her blog, learn and grow and maybe learn why we all still care, why we want to know about your life each and everyday, love it big, love should be real, not just when other Christian sisters are hurting, not just though the hard times but through ALL times, once your love someone, stranger or not, you always love and care about them. Google - patrickandashley, their blog will come up. Life is to share, grow and teach one another, I believe she has something to teach you.... Love you big Courtney, never forget that....Debi from Idaho

Hi there! Always excited to hear from you! We love you for so many reasons~ We are all one family under God, and I must say I worry and wonder about you often. You have become a part of my life and I do want to know how you are and what you have been doing! You are a light Courtney... shine on. Even in your darkest moments, you give so much to us all. You are an adorable little momma! I love you! By the way... how sweet is that nephew of yours? He was sent carrying love from your sweet boy~ right to YOU! Heaven sent! <3

Stumbling upon your blog was divine intervention, as I was in the midst of dealing with my own sick little baby (very minor in comparison) and feeling very alone and at the end of my rope. Your never ending faith were the words of encouragement I needed at exactly the right moment. You taught me a lesson in love and faith that I will never forget and for this I am forever grateful! I can never thank you enough, Courtney, but I promise to always pay it forward by raising EB awareness in sweet Tripp's name.

Hi Courtney, It was a complete pleasant surprise to see your post when I logged in today. I'm sure you can see how much YOU are missed as well. Tripp doesn't get any more chances to light us up, but you do. That's a gift. I, too, have struggled with why to keep writing/what to keep writing about, and have had lapses where I just gave up, but all it took was one.single.comment of support that made me realize that if I can still inspire just.one.person, then I am doing God's will. and look how many people have already replied to this post! We love you, the good, the bad, the happy, the sad. By you sharing your grief journey, you allow others to experience theirs, for we are all grieving the loss of a loved one, and Lord knows our culture doesn't have a clue how to minister in the wake of loss. Great to have you back. Much love and respect.

I followed your blog because it helped me appreciate my life with my sons. My older son has a speech disorder, and the associated behaviors can be very frustrating. Your blog reminded me to cherish life and be thankful for my blessings.

I check your blog for new posts every several days. I pray for you ( :

I've never written before but I don't think anyone would find your writing boring. People were drawn to your blog because of your wonderful son but we got to "know" you also. People are still interested in your life and what's going on.

Sweetheart, I would read it and feel love and emotion is you just copied the phone book. My heart feels connected to yours and I would care about and be interested in any aspect of your life you would care to share. The grieving experience has no expiration date, yours or ours, and I think you would be surprised to know how many of us would be happy to continue that journey with you. Love to you and all the family. God Bless.

Courtney,I was so happy to see an email pop up with a new post! I would have been excited even if it had just said Hi to everyone and that you are okay! I have wondered and prayed for you so many times and just had thoughts of if you were,doing as well as to be expected. I would never. Think that you were doing well because of the nightmare that you have gone through. I am so happy to just read a post even if it was to complain about the world, the weather, how sad you still are (you have all the right in this world to still be sad, mad, anger,and even have a day of maybe a smile or laugh.mi just miss your posts so much. I never knew you and probably never will, however I would read anything you are willing to share with me. I would love to know how your trip went, your home is doing, if you are married, and how your Mom and Dad are, also how is your sister that was going to have a baby is doing? Did she have her baby and what was it, if she has I bet your are one Amazing Aunt. Please continue to blog even if it a sentence or two until you can force yourself to feel like it again. I f this is something that you find you can never do again Pleas remember you and Tripp have changed my life forever. Tammie in Vermont

Courtney, I continue to check your blog because you continue to live here on earth, and I want to know what you are doing now. We know where is sweet, precious Tripp; now I want to know how you are living your life. You continue to be the courageous mother you were while parenting your son here on earth; I want to know the rest of YOUR story. Blessings and prayers for your continued strength and comfort.

I check in for selfish reasons. I want to know you are okay. I want to read that you're married and expecting again...I want to be able to be happy for you so I can stop worrying about you! I want you to have a happy ending.

Thank you for writing, Courtney. I think the reason I keep coming back (I check at least once a week to see if there is anything new) is because I see God here. In the good stuff, in the hard stuff, in the stuff that is so far beyond hard that I can't even fathom it...I see God.

Courtney,I hear you on the blogging. I lost my son after you and I moaned with you when Tripp rested.But as many have said I was amazed at your faith through the whole journey. I blog too and i struggle too after my son died because I wonder whether I shall bog people down with my sorrow or just being there..but your blogging helped me know that it is ok to be real, it is ok to cry and miss your child. Please know it is a venue of encouragement to many. That vulnerability and being real is rare. Sylvia Kenya