My life with the triple negative type – A Winning Battle (and Search for Ways to Cope With Darn Chemo Brain)

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Spring, Swing, and Sting

Nice to wake up and find delicious breakfast is served for you and family at Bed and Breakfast.

Spring has arrived, so has the Glory of the Snow from the bulbs I planted years ago. Yearly, the bulbs bring on these cute star-shaped flowers in my front yard. My hay fever started too. Disappointingly, the Loratadin antihistamine I take for bone pain (unlabeled use) does not work for it. I now take generic Zyrtec with Sudafed. I found out, anything with Sudafed cannot be found over the counter anymore, at least not in Walgreens. I had to get in from the pharmacy, and I had to show my ID. They keep tract of how much of it customers buy, they say. How much does one need to make Methamphetamine out of it? I don’t know. I just want to relieve my sneezing, itchy nose and eyes, and clogged runny nose. Achoo. Bless me.

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The Living Room at Bed and Breakfast

I took the kids one and a half hours south for spring break last weekend. Staying low-key with a shoestring budget, Paul and I walked around the scenic surroundings. I had to ask him to slow down for me as I could not keep up. Having less energy on a higher elevation (over one thousand feet higher than home) I found myself panting. Twenty minutes walking outdoors was enough for me.

Play House

My children played in the tall wooden playhouse by the tree, rock climbed the outside walls, and swung on homemade swings while scooping mint and pecan ice-cream to their mouths. We also went to a recreation center with an indoor wave pool, slide, and lazy river. I did not go to the slide but the last few minutes, I dipped in the wave pool and tried to fight the waves. This was my resistance training; I convinced myself, fighting the waves, and stiffening my body so I don’t get pushed away.

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I can taste food again. No more metallic tastes. For meals, we had breakfast at the Bed and Breakfast place where we slept. Eggs Benedict, then waffles and strawberries satisfied us. I don’t make these at home, so they serve as great treats. In between I made simple lunches to save money. When the kids got tired of egg and sausage sandwiches I prepared, we ate out at Chilis with my spring break coupon and spent twenty dollars for chicken fajita, two kids’ meals, and a hot chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream drizzled with caramel and chocolate syrup.

windy day, glad my wig did not get blown away

Mexican Food

Another time, we ate a Mexican restaurant. Recommended by Yelp people, we enjoyed two smothered burritos and a hot, cream-filled Churro with whipped cream. That cost us twenty dollars too. We also ate in a Filipino deli, the only Filipino restaurant in town. Paul ate with us then, and with four of us, we spent fifty dollars. For the-trying-to-be frugal me, it hurt to pay that much for mediocre food. We thought I made better tasting Pancit noodles, and pork and chicken stews than what we had there. The desert shaved ice we call Halu-halo lacked the usual amount of beans and sweetened fruits. It tasted just OK. Of course, all of us ordered drinks with the meal which raised the bill. Oh, well.

Western Museum

Lastly, we visited the Western mining museum and learned about early and later mining equipment, steam engines, etc. We did not spent so much time outdoors for my fear of excessive sun exposure for my chemo-sun-sensitive skin and gusty wig-blowing wind. Besides, my pollen allergy bothered me a lot. My eyes looked red and felt itchy.

mining

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I have to share my mental sting that I can’t get off my mind. Yesterday after my shift, I visited a coworker in the hospital with multiple myeloma. He died in the afternoon, due a complication with a head bleed–a bad stroke after bone marrow transplant. Somehow, I saw myself in him yesterday morning. He had no hair like me and had dark-brown skin. He is also in his forties. I fear that what happened to him can happen to me. Just last week, my blood test showed an elevated D-dimer that may mean clot. What if I get clot in my brain? Clots can cause stroke too. Am I also going to die soon? I should not think this way. God please help me.

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I have just received a Get Well card from a friend with a note of mass offering, and a gift check. Today, a friend from church brought me Easter boxes from volunteers. In previous years, my family gave donations to the needy before Easter. This year, I received the boxes of food and a gift card. The boxes plus two bags are filled with canned goods, staples like sugar, eggs, and sweet treats. Next year, I hope to be strong again and be blessed with extra cash so I can again start buying food for the less fortunate. For now, I won’t turn any help down especially because I have not received my disability check yet. A few days ago, I received a promise that the insurance company will send me a check in a separate mail. It has been a few days and my check is NOT in the mail. Three pay periods later and I still don’t have my disability check. Hmp.

Thank goodness I have friends who care especially in this time of need.

Saint Peregrine Prayer for people with cancer

O great St. Peregrine, you have been called "The Mighty," "The Wonder-Worker," because of the numerous miracles which you have obtained from God for those who have had recourse to you.

For so many years you bore in your own flesh this cancerous disease that destroys the very fibre of our being, and who had recourse to the source of all grace when the power of man could do no more. You were favoured with the vision of Jesus coming down from His Cross to heal your affliction. Ask of God and Our Lady, the cure of the sick whom we entrust to you.

(Pause here and silently recall the names of the sick for whom you are praying)

Aided in this way by your powerful intercession, we shall sing to God, now and for all eternity, a song of gratitude for His great goodness and mercy.
Amen.

Cancer Of The Breast…

(a borrowed poem)
[...] Cancer of the breast
from east and west;
it seems Pandora's box is
making a big mess.

Meta

A Prayer When In Pain

I am bowed down and brought very low;
all day long I go about mourning.
My back is filled with searing pain;
there is no health in my body.
I am feeble and utterly crushed;
I groan in anguish of heart.

All my longings lie open before you, Lord;
my sighing is not hidden from you.
---------Psalm 38:6-9 (TNIV)