READER SUBMITTED CONTENT This isn’t some stupid early-twenties rant about living fast, dying young, and plucking the day while partying on a yacht made out of Cerebral Ballzies -– this is some stupid rant more along the lines of “there is no authority but yourself.”

This isn’t some stupid early-twenties rant about living fast, dying young, and plucking the day while partying on a yacht made out of Cerebral Ballzies -– this is some stupid rant more along the lines of “there is no authority but yourself.” Seeing that the last steaming pile of shit I mailed into Street Carnage was ultimately about quitting vice (pun intended?), I’m not going to go off about the importance of being a fat, disgusting, Glenn Beck of an alcoholic during one’s prime.

Choosing to be sober is difficult, personal, and very often alienating. There are enough benefits and drawbacks to make you think it’s a “one step forward and two back” type deal. It can harm your social life by driving away friends, but can put off jaundice another 10 years. Personally, I know nothing about sobriety, and I’m as yellow as a Simpsons character, but I do know that choosing to be sober is a choice. Nobody got into an existential car crash, with the only aid being AA jaws of life-ing his or her ass out of the car. The decision to clean up is made and maintained by the same degenerate who lost a bag of coke in his mom’s Volvo (four years ago this summer and still looks for it when drunk). It is one’s own self who stays sober and avoids terrible decisions, not some iced tea-loving smartypants who sponsors him or her.

And not to act all shit-dick Bill Maher about things, but are you seriously letting some fucking reptile in a church basement tell you you’re sick? Wait, you’re “powerless?” That would make sense if “duct tape” wasn’t one of the most popular Higher Powers for non-believers in the program (fact). So, if not your own desire, what keeps you sober? “Not God or anything, just the support from my friends.” That means you’re in control, and you use support from your friends. You do not need a cult, artard. (I used to have an ‘r-word’ addiction, but I pulled it together.)

Also, just to be clear, I’m not trashing teetotalers. It’s fine if you want to quit drinking altogether. The idea of turning a 180 sits well with me, and for many people, it may be their only hope. In fact, moderation is not always the best choice — I mean, do you really believe in Buddha? Buddha sucks. Some people might need to cut it out, period. But let’s stop being so bottom-line about things and realize that sobriety in and of itself isn’t necessarily good; people thirteenth-stepping so hard they look like they’re two-stepping shouldn’t be commended for anything.

These people perpetuate the permission slip for selfishness and flakiness that is “alcoholism.” This is not a fourth-grade bus trip, guy, this is adult life, and nothing can excuse shortcomings and laziness. Have you ever had to cover for somebody who had to go to a meeting? What the FUCK! If you say no, you might as well call them a cock-sucking, AIDS-drenched faggot whose parents are getting divorced because they don’t love him or her anymore. It’s such a precarious situation to be in, and the fact that they’re told that this is “OK,” that they’re “sick,” is enough to make me have a stroke.

I am sickened when I see a young person my age decide they have no control over their lives and enter this nightmare called AA. I’ve seen people I know go this way, and while I’m happy for / proud of them because they turned their lives around, it just seems incomplete. They can admit that they have a problem, but they don’t think they have the willpower and strength to do something they actually did on their own. It’s just another system, another prison for young people to fall prey to, and what makes it worse is that I know I’ll be torn apart for criticizing it.

I gotta ask, man, have you known any real addicts in your life? Have you watched somebody struggle for years trying to use will power to stay clean, and failing?

The thing is, thinking that you can handle it on your own, using just will power, there’s a lot of ego wrapped up in that. Ego is dangerous for an addict. Because “I can use will power to not drink” reaaallllly easily slips into “I can use will power to just have this one beer.” But they can’t — that’s what addiction is. If you can fight it with with will power, you had a bad habit, not an addiction.

Now, maybe it IS existential cowardice, or maybe it’s a psychological mind-fuck, but AA works where a lot of other things fail, and if you’re the asshole that crashed the car your kids were in, you really don’t have a lot of choice. If you’re about to die of alcoholism which is, from what I’ve heard, a bloody, shit-filled, death, I’m going to guess that sitting in a room with a lot of other alcoholics is not such a bad deal.

Alcoholism is a neurological disorder, so to say it isn’t is kind of full of shit, but an understandable misconception. They used to use shock therapy, but they found that coffee and chatting worked better.

AA works on two levels: community and surrender of will.

Most people don’t have a problem with the first part. Of course you need a group of people you can hang out with that don’t always talk about how awesome it was to get so wasted last night. Great.

The surrendering the will part is what pisses most people off, for the reasons explained above. I think, however, you don’t get what a powerful psychological tool surrendering your will is. Maybe it’s a placebo, but if your own brain is fucking with you because you need some substance so bad that you have seizures, then your own will is going to do fuck all for you. You need to at least believe something else is in control. Maybe it’s a bit of a mind fuck, but it works.

I suppose the God thing also fucks with people, but clearly if you’re going to do a will-surrendering mind fuck you need to turn to something. Who cares if that something is possibly not a thing? If it works, then great.

NJS is absolutely right about this, this whole “Will Power” trip is one of the biggest displays of ego, as is your whole “I have the one true insight into addiction and how to overcome it”. That kind of attitude is exactly how someone falls off the wagon. A lot of people in life can’t do moderation. Some people have no fucking clue how to even relate to people who drink or do drugs in moderation and do the one cocktail after work type deal or the weekend warrior rail jumper.
You don’t like assisted treatment, don’t go to the fucking meetings, you don’t like the 12 steps, don’t do them. The meetings are there for those who have bottomed out and are finally looking to climb out and don’t know what the fuck is what anymore, so that they can meet others who hit that bottom, so they can hear from someone else that “you’re not unique. I hit the fucking bottom too and your not alone in this, all of us here had to pick us ourselves back up from this”. When you finally do face an addiction it helps to have that kind of support, because most people really do think they’re alone and that they’re the first person to ever try and kick something.

I mean, I don’t blame you for feeling the way you do, dude. Powerlessness is fucking terrifying. We’re American Males, we LOVE power, and we do not like the idea of powerlessness. You hate the idea of it so much that you’re sickened to see young people who’ve decided they have no power over their lives. But that’s what addiction is, man. Powerlessness, over booze or a drug, or gambling, or eating or whatever. So really, the tragedy is the person with no control over their life, not the org that helps them deal with it.

Anyone you know in AA, imagine how rough it must have been to admit that they’re helpless, and how fucked up their life had to be to come to that decision. Maybe it’ll lead to some sympathy for them. It’s a tough road, you and I are lucky for not having to go down it ourselves.

I know I have met some AA-ers in NYC who just like to party a little too much (not addicts) and they want to mellow, so they think they have to join this new “club” and it doesn’t hurt that if you go to the right meetings its filled with hot cool people who replaced booze with fucking.

Second, I agree with the AA’ers up above. Until you’ve personally been involved with hitting rock fucking bottom, it’s kind of trite to slam this thing that (as corny as it is) has helped people not drink themselves to death.

i am 7 years sober and 2 years without a meeting. i have to agree with a lot of this rant. i think the main problem is the amount of outside bullshit thats slithered its way into the meetings as program doctrine. most of it is daytime tv self help gibberish. the core of the program remains sound, its the community thats lost its direction. you can boil it all down to the scornful looks you get if you dont wanna hold hands at the end. they just want to shout “you are with us or you are a sick and suffering bag of dogshit waiting for god to save you” or something in that direction.

AA isn’t for people that “need” AA. It is for people who want it. Drinking beer is for people who want to drink a beer. I have no problem with people wanting to go to an AA meeting or wanting to drink a beer. Go! Frolic! Be happy! Do want you want. When I leave work today, I want to have a beer. I will have a beer. If I am gonna judge people for wnating to be a part of some club or do what they “want” to do that opens my life up to a lot of judgement that I don’t necessarily want.

BTW, I have been to literally hundreds of AA meetings in the last twenty years. I went to them because I wanted to go to them. I haven’t been in years. I don’t want to go to one now. Some people might say I never need to go to one in the first place. I don’t even really know what that means.

Do what you want. Maybe worry less about what other people are choosing that they want. If the way they talk annoys you, then hang out with other people.

My Dad is in AA. I think it is a cult, but it serves an important purpose. Kind of like religion.
Railing against AA/12 step programs doesn’t seem too productive. It’s a fairly effective tool for many addicts. Unfortunately there are a lot of losers and weirdos affiliated with these kinds of programs. One should definitely NOT cultivate the majority of their social interaction through meetings. It will turn you into a total weirdo.

Willpower works so long as it stays intact, however once it is broken then all hope is gone for any addict. The authors; concept of willpower being enough merely shows his attitude about addiction, psychology and rehabilitaion. If quitting drugs, drink, cigs, or food was really so easy easy in this advanced world don’t you think everyone would be able to just stop the harmful behaviors? Why are they labeled addictions?
I think it is great that you see the shortcomings of willpower as so black and white, obviously this is not a subject that you have HAD to deal with intimately because you have never had your’s broken, but everyone will have a time in their life when they fall down.
C U in Al Anon, Narc Anon etc. in 5 years.

what the fuck qualifies this kid for writing an article like this? nothing to back up any of these statements except poorly crafted sentences of “wit”. AA is flawed, but this doesn’t make ONE good point.

Ever been through AA? It turns out the “the things I can not change” are not a lot of things. Also, AA gives people the support and tools to get sober, people who don’t have friends to support them anymore because they are drunk, lying, stealing, destructive, pants-shitting alcoholics.

so, you’re worried that AA is like a cult or something? Fine, it is. You win. But, as someone who ONLY wants to drink to blackout every time(no, I don’t want just one beer, I’d rather have a whole six pack) and has had numerous close family members die from drinking themselves to death, or dying in drunk driving accidents or blowing their brains out because they hate their life and what shitty things they’ve done to the people they love… uh… what solution are you offering? You know rehab is just fancy, expensive window-dressing to AA don’t you? I mean, modern medicine has NOTHING to help a person like me. They can define it as a mental disorder in the DSM, but that’s about all they can do. So, what the fuck does a person like that do? Here’s where your shit breaks down dude. What the fuck does a person like that do? Buck up? Pull themselves up by their bootstraps? Uh, tried it. Thanks. It’s the last house on the block dude. And even if you just quit drinking and don’t do AA, you turn into a MASSIVE prick, and end up being really angry about stupid shit(kinda like your post…. huh). So, yeah, it’s a cult and people are smug and self-righteous sometimes, you win, who cares?

Forty Oz. is absolutely right.. the right NA or AA group is a dream come true for some..
a good friend of mine had a huge coke habit that became a monster of a crack habit said when a month into NA meetings “the place is full of hot chicks and they all love anal”

I think this article misses but almost reveals the point. People who are alcoholics are prone to addition, and for many AA fulfills that black whole that must be stuff with some kind of obsessive behavior. Yeah it is a cult and it is just another form of the juice, but it isn’t killing your liver or beating you child.

AA is a sex cult. That’s what members do, they replace getting wasted with getting laid…a lot. If you’ve never been to an AA orgy you don’t know the true meaning of sobriety. And yes, we pray and drink coffee at those too.

A lot of you are missing one of the key points that makes 12 stepping or AA or NA work. Hearing others tell their stories. When you start listening to the guy across the room, you start thinking to yourself “shit this is sounding familiar” and then you realize you’re hearing your own stories coming out of someone else’s mouth. You realize all of a sudden that you’re not unique living this crazy train, that everyone in the room got there the exact same way and had the exact same experiences partying non stop. That goes a long way in believing in it enough to stick with it.

You’re telling half the story — AA tries to impress two-things upon you:

1) there are things you cannot change (ie – that you are powerless over)
2) there are things you can change

I have always found the new-age idea that you have control over everything that happens in your universe to be both cruel and self-centered. “Oh sorry person born without legs – it must be the result of negative thinking on your part, or some error you made in a previous life” — fuck that noise.

Also, in re: to cults — Unlike cults, while AA certainly has dogma, it has no central authority whatsoever. Having been to many meetings in many different fellowships, and seeing how drastically different they all are and how anarchic some can be at points, the label cult seems especially false.

PS – happy to see that so many fans of this website are so well versed in 12-steps. Seems a bit ironic.

AA does work and it worked for me and I would very much like to share that with other people that can’t stop drinking, but a few words of caution

a) AA is not a cult but sometimes it can be cult-LIKE. There are normal cool people who participate because they are grateful and want to help others and then there are the assholes who think they are the messiahs of AA. Choose your friends wisely, and take your time picking a sponsor, because people will try to rush you into it.
b) The “I’m a lazy fuck up because i’m an alcoholic!” bullshit IS in fact bullshit and it gets on my nerves too.
c) While the Higher Power stuff is nice and all, you are absolutely right. My “Higher Power” did not get me sober. Cable television, cigarettes, coffee and three consecutive weeks of crying my eyes out got me sober. That shit SUCKED and i’m not handing over the praise and recognition to anyone else but myself, thanks.

Yeah, Infinite Jest gave me a whole new insight into AA. I have family that went through AA. Two of them stayed off drinking, the other is still struggling. Never been through it myself, but I have to say, whatever you may have against AA seems wholly immature and (as others have said) egotistical. I hope you figure out a way to sober up one day. I’ve had to deal with the immediate and lasting damage that addiction causes and the way it ruins lives. Grow up and grow a pair of balls; account for your own actions and your own person; get past your own ego and maybe you’ll not be a fuck up for the rest of your life.

But honestly you sound like a driveling pussy. I guess you have a long way to go. good luck man.

yeah Iæve been sober 3 and a half years, thanks to aa and a higher power i choose to call god. all this shit aint nothing I would’nt have questioned myself when first in. the fact is alcohol kills alcoholics. it was the last stop before death for me, I was mad for a year in. is it a cult? for some people it is, fuck yeah. 12 step maniacs, absolutely self obbsessed lunatics that push their opinion onto other people, these days alot of people in aa arent actually alcoholics… it’s true. just dogmatic lunatics. the truth is this – EVERY ALCOHOLIC IS A DRUNK BUT NOT EVERY DRUNK IS AN ALCOHOLIC. High bottom drunks are fucking AA. good people die while people with personality disorders look for an answer that isnt there, and the alcoholic doesnt identify, goes out and drinks and dies. This problem is particulary bad in the united states. My first sponser (who drank again and is now assumed dead) said that alot of people in AA these day’s would be better people if they drank. it’s true.

“people thirteenth-stepping so hard they look like they’re two-stepping”

That made me laugh…

I wanted to respond to al:

“The surrendering the will part is what pisses most people off, for the reasons explained above. I think, however, you don’t get what a powerful psychological tool surrendering your will is. Maybe it’s a placebo, but if your own brain is fucking with you because you need some substance so bad that you have seizures, then your own will is going to do fuck all for you. You need to at least believe something else is in control. Maybe it’s a bit of a mind fuck, but it works.”

As you say, it pisses people off, but it should piss more people off. Instead, it completely screws up their minds. The thing about this placebo is that it might work in the short term, but statistically, people who drop out of AA go out on a kamikaze bender (rather than go out on a couple of beers with dinner, say) because they believe that they’ve failed, that they have no control and that they’re powerless.

AA has a 5% success rate — which is exactly equal to the success rate of people who decide to quit on their own. What that means is that it doesn’t work for anyone. If 5% is the rate of spontaneous “remission,” then as far as treatment programs go, 5% is the baseline — anything above that is a success rate. And AA doesn’t have one.

But, while it’s got to success rate to speak of, AA actually does have a suicide rate.

Sorry, I’m the anonymous above. I wanted to make sure I left some full disclosure here and say that I am a co-author of a blog called Stinkin Thinkin, which is devotedly critical of Alcoholics Anonymous and the whole 12-Step treatment industry.

Fair points raised and I agree with the 13th step stuff that you mentioned but it happens, guys hit on women and vise versa. Aa is an amazing fellowship and has saved my life. I do not believe in God or the fkin hocus pocus nonsense of the twelve step programme, although I do see where aspects of it can be beneficial to a persons recovery from a pretty fckd up way of life meditation, admitting when you I am wrong – when I actually realize this to be the case.. and going back and reflecting on the day and doing weekly reviews are pretty sound practical ways of living life. I have a pretty good memory for trivial stuff but when it comes to my emotions and what is going on with other peoples lives I forget very easily.. Making notes at the end of the day is a great way of me remembering to ask people in my life how they are getting on with such and such since the last time i spoke to them.. It isn’t that I don’t give a fck that I am normally so self absorbed , it is because I have a shit memory when it comes to other people’s lives.. I can’t be bothered with the God squad in Aa or them me to be honest but I like listening to other people’s definition of a higher power and if that includes a belief in a God and they are sharing their own experience then that is nice.. It is the pricks that bang on about you must this ans must that .. They are driving people away from Aa.. The core friends that I have in Aa are very good friends and I would never have got the same level of support from my outside Aa friends ..They still used and drank a lot and they were puzzeled as to why I just didn’t have a drink or smoke to take the edge off of problems.. Does that make sense ? I ma not powerless in life I put in the work to get a result and when I have completed the work I let go and hand it over to the particular process involved in the next stage.. Some people who drink and use have problems in either not putting in the work because they have a belief that it is futile from the word go or don’t know when to stop and keep banging into the same brick wall over and over.. Which can be a great source of entertainment to passive observers but an be a nightmare for themselves and their families to watch.. Powerlessness over alcohol and drugs took a long time for me to get that one but it was a realization for me rather than an admittance, when I realized it I was able to move on in that respect and it has been a real freedom for me.. I think that drugs and alcohol have their uses and I like to see people enjoy themselves but some people can’t do this safely and Aa and other fellowships are there to offer solidarity to these people.. There will always be predators within these fellowships but show me a drinking den, drug den or any organization for that matter that doesn’t.. Peace X

I agree with this. I got so far out and bad off with booze in my early 20’s(and I am 33 now) that I was thinking about committing suicide. I flat out couldn’t stop drinking and the whole “powerless over alcohol” idea seemed to be spot on. I was in and out of AA for 10 years and the longest I stayed sober was about 2 years and 2 months. I was a fundie Christian when I first started attending and eventually became a Buddhist(whole other story) but as I started to understand that I by default was an Atheist(and when ridding myself of all religion I openly declared myself an Atheist), the whole law of cause and effect teaching really made sense. People “prayed”, there was no one there that they were talking to although it felt like they were, getting rid of resentments and making amends altered the “causes” inside of them resulting in being free of the desire to drink(IE:there is no such thing as the “will of god” as there is no god although the law of cause and effect acts like it has a “will” a “plan” so on and so forth). I eventually started to understand that the disease concept is merely a technicality. If a person buys into the “disease concept” as opposed to alcohol being a dangerous narcotic, that makes alcohol harmless as a substance. I haven’t been back to AA in about 9 months as my former sponsor told me a story about how an angel kicked him down the stairs, and that was the last straw. Also this idea(since I do have body dysmorphic disorder, and I drank to not feel that), I found REAL solutions(such as NLP, psychotherapy, dating coaches, secular meditation) to where if I do these things that many AA members denounce, the desire to drink STILL never bothers me(while NEVER going to a meeting). How many times have I seen someone who was sober for 6 or 7 years who went on and on about “I’m nothing but a sick and crazy alcoholic” while using that as a cop out excuse to not pay child support? If it is merely an addiction(albeit physical and psychological), if a person accepted that fact(which there is none of this mumbo jumbo that maybe today I’m an alcoholic, maybe tomorrow I won’t be, I might be able to control it after 20 years sober as opposed to it is a dangerous narcotic which can NEVER be controlled which doesn’t change whether there is such a thing as a “disease” of alcoholism or not), it seems much easier to never even consider using alcohol if alcohol is a narcotic. We consider pot a narcotic, being stoned doesn’t feel that much different from being drunk(probably healthier although I was a drinker and pot wasn’t my thing), alcohol IS a legal narcotic, end of story. That means that I am normal, just as much as anyone else(if there is such a thing). Anyone can become addicted(mental obsession combined with a craving). It took three beers before I would feel a craving, my grandmother(who has NEVER been a drinker and her doctor had to prescribe a glass of wine a day for her heart) it might take her 12 beers before feeling a craving. That is why some people in AA take one drink, and they nearly black out. They use mouth wash, and they end up drinking. I would(at times when I was younger), drink one beer and walk away without feeling a craving. Clearly, nothing but a difference in physiology. To me, the craving for alcohol is no different than craving nicotine, meth, marijuana, coke, etc etc. Put a chemical in your body, your physiology well change, brain chemistry well change. Enough with this “disease” 1930’s science, let’s get real and into 2013.

Why can’t you just admit you stopped? You did. So you have the power. Why does it have to be extremes? Who decides when an addiction is real or when its self medicating? And what gives society this right to judge people whi are happier drunk, high, stoned, zonked, blitzed or whatever? I dont understand how you can still be alive if you are so powerless to give up your will and buy into an obvious “solution” that only gives you the power by trying to make you delusionally believe that a super being is spending time willing you sober. That sets people up for some nasty reprecussions and presents a blatantly obvious situation that too often leads to a full binge because you really think you cant stop (you can, and if you really think you cant and your genes are responsible… Then please get sterilized and stop poisoning the planet with this delusional fantasy. I can understand MAYBE going to get to a point of sobriety, but if you make a note to remember to snap out of it and realize YOU DID IT! Then you will be able to have a normal life and not be one of those ridiculous lifetime addicts who are miserable because their life is consumed by the EXACT same thing! I dont drink. I passed my coke phase(s) and have no desire for it. I had fun on ecstacy, i would like to do it again. Same with shrooms. LSD didnt affect me. Heroin is awesome but it sucks to come off so i know if I have the urge to not do it for a week. But I love being free to WANT and DO things that i LIKE. I hate the society that vilifies everything when the only harms are caused by the vilification and legality! European countries legalized it. Everything. My first thought is awesome, because I love feeling good. And since theres no risk, the price is absurdly low! So no worries about theft! And if you need honest helpfrom sane people they dont judge! What a concept… Safety and freedom have left this country and now are sprouting from countries that oppressed to the point that they created it in the first place! Hopefully we will follow suite, take the stigma and judgements out of what I want to do, give me the freedom to get help if i need it (medically, the only issue i ever had is opiates due to their withdrawal and their amazing ability to make me feel numb to the constant nagging depressing empathy that can keep me from wanting to deal with things. And I found it had an amazing ability to make my stomache issues conpletely dissappear, so I could sleep through a night without the flutter spasms. I went to NA/AA and it literally made me want to kill myself, and I am not like that! When they present that question of “would you rather give this a try or end up in a gutter dead?” i actually thought about it honestly. I really dont want to die, but I even more didn’t want to live the miserable lives these people have. I said honestly if thats my choice, I’ll slip into an infinite opiate bliss and enjoy 30 minutes of feeling good rather than force myself to pretend AA is a desireable place to be. I dont judge, but I don’t get how giving up your life to a closeminded and obnoxious false reality is a better option. Thats like saying, you want me to burn you alive or cut out your heart? Really those are my options? I just wanted to get past detox since I hadnt dealt with it before and the first time… Wow. I have done opiates since, I even contemplated investigating a moderated balance of them since I literally cant sleep normally. I dont get noddy, and i have been through 1,000’s of withdrawals, so its really just llike a hangover, plus if you dont eat the night before you come off it cuts it in half. I dunno, I would never want to give up my choices and beibg able to enjoy something that genuinely works, especially with the success of heroin maintenance in other countries and dilaudid maintance in some too. Its fascinating to look at, legalized, prescribed and dosed properly it can be the difference between misery and a long happy life.
Opiate users they found live just as long, perform normally better than when sober (most true users as opposed to people who just mentally have convinced themselves of their needs) since a large group of the real users, not abusers who can’t stop even after withdrawal, are self medicating. It works. Bleh. I dont judge but i cant help but feel like these people have merely convinced themselves of fairy tales along the same lines as retarded backwards evolving creationist believers.

Btw for any of you AAers, how doIes every speaker bragging that ” AA is the highlight of my week”, or the old wedding night 12 step instead of choosing not to drink? If I couldn’t stop, honestly, I still would find that so much more depressing than dying alone in an ally. I’ll keep my freedoms and make my choices, I just don’t understand how you can get to a point that you need to delude yourself. And yea, no shit followibg it to a T works…. They say you have to stop doing drugs/alcohol! Thats like saying “if you buy a hat you wilm have a hat! Only those that dont buy it cant have it!”. Btw, can’t you steal the hat? Just saying theres always more choices than the options presented, but I guess those options are scary for some. Fuck I dont mean this to sound like I hate life I love it regardless. I never stole for a good time, but I would seriously rather choose to die with my personal dignity than give up the rest of my life to this meetings are so much awesomer than having choices that I am told I can never have!!! Wow. Again no offense, I am glad I don’t get it cuz nothing is worse than having your life dictated by some dead wife beating alcoholic who traded beer for opium (ironically opium use is ancient and has been socially acceptable all throughout history- made illegal it made more addicts, more misery, became too expensive and caused crime… So how is this better. /endrant. I dont mean to be mean or personally attack, but being powerless is the wrong direction of progress, Id rather have a chance to live than be forced to pretend that using a program that treats everyone like a submissive waste of a brain. Seriously, being aware and in control, even if you slip sometimes, is the only way I can imagibe. I couldn’t help but feel like AA is full of people who have no will to exist anymore, and are pretending to be happy because they have loved ones that saw them fuck up at 22; now 20 years later and you havent made a real decision, thats way more depressing than dying of being high… You wouldnt feel it, it would be your choice, and its not like existance alone is worth scooping out your brain for other peoples concerns. .

Still dont get it… I really tried. I guess you have to fear death to be afraid of your choices? But by nature a drug related death is probably a pretty pleasurable way to go, beats the lung canced and ulcers all the AA coffee and smokes ends up giving you. And to look back and say “i did it! I chose to fool myself and i made it through my life without a choice or a day of my own happiness!” ummmm again, just thinking of that type of existance boggles my mind, I might cinsider burning myself alive over it, at least I would go out in a blaze instead of fade into pretentious fake plastic life of misery. Ok go ahead and tell me i dont know anything now! Btw telling the AA people you would rather OD in a gutter given the choices presented… Um not advisable. They take that as suicidal, even after explaining that you arent but it soubds better than living the life that you guys have! Plus caffeine, nicotine, candy, soda… They are really selling that stuff to addicts as safe alternatives? They tell you what to di anyway, just have them tell you to eat healthy and stop smoking! Or just screw all this shit and smoke a good bud of weed if you feel a ‘sponsor-itch-to-relapse’. If its good youll get distracted by something shiny and at least smile instead of drive yourself crazy shaking for some shit you apparently can’t choose to do or not. Whatever. Good luck. But seriously, seeing people happy to be simply sober from things they want to do? Yea I’ll guve myself the chinese samurai death before that life. Have some self respect!

One more thing. I hear people reflecting and realizing in AA that they are out of control. Honestly, I find it hard to believe anyone doesnt realize that while they are doing the shit some of these people did. Obviously you knew you did it, really you need to share and reflect and admit to yourself that stealing shit from famiy friends neighbors is wrong? C’mon. Thats baloney. People would say to me when i was first wxperiencing chemical highs that i dont realize how I am. Um… Yea im not delisional, im high, yes I realize it. I chose it. Let me enjoy it. I cant feel guilty about choosing to spend a small portion of my paycheck on something I like and enjoy. I dont go to bars and tell people that they are drinking, they dont realize it… I dont follow robbers and say dont you realize stealing is bad? Yes I know you have opinions and you assume every person who ever gets high is out of control, but frankly I dont really care. Talk to me in the morning when Im not enjoying it, then I’ll care enough to tell you that your opinion is based on what? Experience? Sorry you feel that way, but I enjoy things and want to experience them myself. I put myself through withdrawal from heroin blindly, so yea I get it. But I didnt need someone else reminding me that I am sick from withdrawal, do I look like I don’t get it? Seriously, realizing your faults? Nobody is aware of themselves? No wonder, so a fear of death, nagging loved ones, and an inability to understand basic things like drugs get you high, you are drinking alcohol a lot, you crashed your car drunk? Um seriously, thats insane to deny yourself the moment. I crashed 2 cars sober, for some reason decided to enjoy the out of control feeling, and still can realize that crashing isnt good, so for some reason people think you dont realize you are sick from a choice? Duh. Was it worth it? Hell yeah. Although im a little weird and the withdrawal was like a science experiment… I thought the opiate tasting vomit was pretty cool to experience. I lived, i went to work, i dont regret ot because thays pretty cool that you can will yourself to enjoy anything if you change your perspective. Obviously AA/NA would never work for me, especially being thats its monotonous, boring, wasteful of experinces that you cant ever have again but are reminded of every day… On a side note, i went through 28 days of completely being baffled by what this actually was helping. I formed the back row, aka relapse row, i found the people that also were baffled and bored and we created a game to pass the time. You get 5 points for getting credit for a meeting at roll call and walking out while saying ‘here’, 4 for walking out during the weird praying/doctrination crap that insults people who dont want to live a dictated and boring life of religiously charged common sense (you have to want it! Omigod call Nobel we got a winner! If you beat yourself up and ony do what we say then you will succeed! At what? Being a tool and having no willpower? Good god, or higher power, or whatever BS they say, thats so brilliant! Stopping because of your unability to stop makes you stop. Hooooowwww can that work???? You choose to stop because they say, but not cuz you can? I got news, if you stop, you dont do it! Really look it up! Its complex stuff happening! Glad i lost 28 days to this! Any profound wisdom in this???? I got another one- if you do what I say and stick to it and I say sit down, you will be seated! Thats trippy man. Totally worth it). Continuing again..3 before halfway,. 2 points halfway to 30 minutes through, and lose 7 points if you get caught and forced to return, 0 points for getting caught and not returning. I scored a lot. It was easy. I was present at every meeting and from day 14 never went to one. Day 28 came, and i asked the people ifthey can just sign me out cuz i really hate this place and its never going do anything but make me feel like im in kindergarden sunday school. And i tried to light my sunday school on fire at 6 because it was so ridiculous and made no sense. No diety is so vain to command you sing, kneel, sit, stand, eat crackers that become people meat even though they dont… They said ‘no your insurance covers you for 45 days so we want you to participate’. By the time they finished that sentance, i literally walked out the door and walked 30 miles in the pouring rain to my house (roughly 10 hours in soaking wet clothes). Thats some real desire and determination! Anyway I was kind of proud of that, and it was pretty sweet to do during a corny group thingy in front of all my new buddies who i never spoke to again, since by then it was pretty well known that talking to me for 10 minutes made them all second guess the ‘program’. I know thats bad, i may have killed people, but theyll be happier free than in the AA bubble for life. And yes I believe that truly. Ok now done. Ridicule and tell me I need to call the sky a shovel to make a choice to not make choices (same thing they preach, change wording and replace it and fool yourself to do something you will be told you will never be able to do! After doing it. Wooooorrrrd. What a concept.

One more thing. I hear people reflecting and realizing in AA that they are out of control. Honestly, I find it hard to believe anyone doesnt realize that while they are doing the shit some of these people did. Obviously you knew you did it, really you need to share and reflect and admit to yourself that stealing shit from famiy friends neighbors is wrong? C’mon. Thats baloney. People would say to me when i was first wxperiencing chemical highs that i dont realize how I am. Um… Yea im not delisional, im high, yes I realize it. I chose it. Let me enjoy it. I cant feel guilty about choosing to spend a small portion of my paycheck on something I like and enjoy. I dont go to bars and tell people that they are drinking, they dont realize it… I dont follow robbers and say dont you realize stealing is bad? Yes I know you have opinions and you assume every person who ever gets high is out of control, but frankly I dont really care. Talk to me in the morning when Im not enjoying it, then I’ll care enough to tell you that your opinion is based on what? Experience? Sorry you feel that way, but I enjoy things and want to experience them myself. I put myself through withdrawal from heroin blindly, so yea I get it. But I didnt need someone else reminding me that I am sick from withdrawal, do I look like I don’t get it? Seriously, realizing your faults? Nobody is aware of themselves? No wonder, so a fear of death, nagging loved ones, and an inability to understand basic things like drugs get you high, you are drinking alcohol a lot, you crashed your car drunk? Um seriously, thats insane to deny yourself the moment. I crashed 2 cars sober, for some reason decided to enjoy the out of control feeling, and still can realize that crashing isnt good, so for some reason people think you dont realize you are sick from a choice? Duh. Was it worth it? Hell yeah. Although im a little weird and the withdrawal was like a science experiment… I thought the opiate tasting vomit was pretty cool to experience. I lived, i went to work, i dont regret ot because thays pretty cool that you can will yourself to enjoy anything if you change your perspective. Obviously AA/NA would never work for me, especially being thats its monotonous, boring, wasteful of experinces that you cant ever have again but are reminded of every day… On a side note, i went through 28 days of completely being baffled by what this actually was helping. I formed the back row, aka relapse row, i found the people that also were baffled and bored and we created a game to pass the time. You get 5 points for getting credit for a meeting at roll call and walking out while saying ‘here’, 4 for walking out during the weird praying/doctrination crap that insults people who dont want to live a dictated and boring life of religiously charged common sense (you have to want it! Omigod call Nobel we got a winner! If you beat yourself up and ony do what we say then you will succeed! At what? Being a tool and having no willpower? Good god, or higher power, or whatever BS they say, thats so brilliant! Stopping because of your unability to stop makes you stop. Hooooowwww can that work???? You choose to stop because they say, but not cuz you can? I got news, if you stop, you dont do it! Really look it up! Its complex stuff happening! Glad i lost 28 days to this! Any profound wisdom in this???? I got another one- if you do what I say and stick to it and I say sit down, you will be seated! Thats trippy man. Totally worth it). Continuing again..3 before halfway,. 2 points halfway to 30 minutes through, and lose 7 points if you get caught and forced to return, 0 points for getting caught and not returning. I scored a lot. It was easy. I was present at every meeting and from day 14 never went to one. Day 28 came, and i asked the people ifthey can just sign me out cuz i really hate this place and its never going do anything but make me feel like im in kindergarden sunday school. And i tried to light my sunday school on fire at 6 because it was so ridiculous and made no sense. No diety is so vain to command you sing, kneel, sit, stand, eat crackers that become people meat even though they dont… They said ‘no your insurance covers you for 45 days so we want you to participate’. By the time they finished that sentance, i literally walked out the door and walked 30 miles in the pouring rain to my house (roughly 10 hours in soaking wet clothes). Thats some real desire and determination! Anyway I was kind of proud of that, and it was pretty sweet to do during a corny group thingy in front of all my new buddies who i never spoke to again, since by then it was pretty well known that talking to me for 10 minutes made them all second guess the ‘program’. I know thats bad, i may have killed people, but theyll be happier free than in the AA bubble for life. And yes I believe that truly. Ok now done. Ridicule and tell me I need to call the sky a shovel to make a choice to not make choices (same thing they preach, change wording and replace it and fool yourself to do something you will be told you will never be able to do! After doing it. Wooooorrrrd. What a concept.

I was totally on board… until you admitted you had an ‘r-word’ addiction, then did an about face and used the word ‘faggot’ as an insult. Seriously? Fuck you.

This article could have been so good, so ‘to-the-point-with-no-bullshit’. But then you had to go alienate your gay readers.

So, why is ‘retard’ any more offensive than ‘faggot’? Why draw the line there? Don’t give me any bullshit about choice; this is 2013, and the question has been fucking settled, no matter what the batshit homophobes have decided. So, why? What is your malfunction?