Christina Aguilera has a new album to promote, so she did an interview with Allie Jones for Billboard. While I just assume any interview with the likes of Christina or Mariah Carey includes them doing vocal runs and trying to hit the whistle register, she talks to Billboard about how she didn’t exactly have the best of times doing The Voice, and we shouldn’t expect to see her spinning around on a chair unless it’s at her lawyer’s office.

During the interview, Christina described The Voice, my mom’s favorite show and Xtina’s only source of reliable income from 2011 to 2016 (sorry, Lotus!), as a “churning hamster wheel.” We have to dig deep to get her expanded thoughts on sharing a stage with Adam Levine, Blake Shelton, CeeLo Green, and Pharrell Williams. She called her time on the show an “energy sucker” before elaborating:

“I was longing for freedom.I would just take everything off — the makeup, all of it — and would blast hip-hop, or Nirvana, ‘Creep,’ Slayer. Anything like that to get me out of that zone, that TV mode.”

Ah, so Christina finally hit puberty while she was a judge. Makes sense!

Allie still wanted to know more about The Voice, and asked Xtina if she’d ever return to NBC. Gurl, haven’t you seen what’s going on with Tom Brokaw? Nobody wants to be over there! She says she’d rather talk about “positive things” but then says that the show isn’t about the music.

“It became something that I didn’t feel was what I had signed up for in season one. You realize it’s not about music. It’s about making good TV moments and massaging a story.”

Hmmm…if that was the case, why don’t we see them cut down on costs and just have Blake and Gwen Stefani share a chair?? She continued:

“I didn’t get into this business to be a television show host and to be given all these [rules].”

“Especially as a female: You can’t wear this, can’t say that. I would find myself on that show desperately trying to express myself through clothing or makeup or hair. It was my only kind of outlet.”

I’m sure the rest of the judging panel is glad knowing the studio will lack the high quantity of hairspray fumes it did when Christina was part of the cast.

Christina concluded The Voice portion of the interview by saying that the only reason she stayed on for as long as she did is because it was steady employment that enabled her to go home to her kids each night instead of dragging them on tour and run the risk of embarrassing herself in front of them by performing “Lady Marmalade” in fishnets five nights a week. I added some of that at the end, but it’s generally the gist of it. Now that those kids are old enough to see the horrors of MTV, they’re more than old enough to get dragged to casino-adjacent arenas around the world to watch mom perform “Dirrty” and learn why Aunt Britney had such a short haircut back in 2007!

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