Over 50 Years in the Making: 10 Holiday Jokes!

Have a laugh for the holidays.

We all know that great John Lennon lyric: "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." Well, "life" happens during the holidays too—the death of a loved-one, a relationship torn apart by conflict, an unwanted medical diagnosis. For many of us, "holiday season" is not synonymous with "happy season."

I know because, over 50 years ago, my father died in early December. From that date on, when the month changed from November to December, a deep sadness began to descend on me, intensifying as the month went on. This continued to happen even after I had children of my own and then grandchildren. But last year, when the sadness began to descend, I said, "Enough." I decided to let my father go—to treat his life as a complete one and to be content with my memories of the years we had together.

I share this because, had I not done that, I wouldn't have put this piece together. So, it may have taken over 50 years, but at last for me (and hopefully for you)...

"The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other."—Johnny Carson

"What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day." —Phyllis Diller

"Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space."—Dave Barry

"Most Texans think Hanukkah is some sort of duck call."—Richard Lewis

"That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me." —Jerry Seinfeld

"Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ."—Bart Simpson in The Simpsons

"The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin."—Jay Leno

"I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up. They have no holidays."—Henny Youngman

"Santa Claus has the right idea...visit people only once a year."—Victor Borge

And, as is only fitting, Andy Rooney gets the last word:

"One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly."

Thanks so much for this. I know I sure need reasons to laugh during this time of year. It's very gray here in Northern New England, which does not help. All the hoopla that goes on is hard when you do not have a lot of energy and are not part of a close family.

I learned about an hilarious Adam Sandler Hanukkah video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xDV_reO930A I think those of us who are Jewish (and not easily offended) will find it hilarious but my partner, who is not Jewish, did not get it.

Happy holidays and welcoming of the light. Keep finding things to laugh about.

I'm glad this piece made you laugh. I love Adam Sandler's Hanukkah song. I think I posted it on the Facebook page for my book last year. My next post will be about Hanukkah and Christmas overlapping. Warmly, Toni

Thank you Toni for sharing this wonderful article and of course the holiday humor.

I lost my father and my wife lost her mother around the holidays a few years ago and we both feel a similar wave of sadness come rolling in around this time each year. To make things even more difficult this year, we lost our Golden Retriever a few months ago, two family members have lost their jobs this year and have not been able to find new ones, and two of my wife's friends have just been diagnosed with cancer. What a year!

I am making a more concerted effort to keep the Buddha's teaching of Dukkha and Anicca in mind when I find the feelings of despair and grief rising over the pain and suffering that we, and countless others, experience on a daily basis. Knowing that everything is constantly changing, rising and fading away, helps because it applies not only to the loss itself e.g. loss of life, loss of job, loss of good health, it also applies to our responses to those things. And knowing that the sadness we are feeling at this time of year is only temporary is a huge help in being able to see it for what it really is, a temporary emotion, and then being able to start the process of learning to let it go.

I hope you, Tony, and your wonderful dog Rusty have a wonderful holiday season. May you all be well.

Thanks so much for writing this comment. It's been such a hard year for you that I'm glad this piece came around just at the right time to let you know you're not alone in feeling sad this time of year. I, too, take solace in dukkha and anicca. I don't see them as negative. As I write about in my book, it was as if finally someone—the Buddha—was describing this life in a way that fit a good portion of my experience. And I try to think of anicca as my friend...knowing that difficult feelings will, some day, pass away on their own.