Impossible Things to Believe Before Breakfast

"One can't believe impossible things."
"I daresay you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was your age I always did it for one half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."
-Lewis Carrol "Through the Looking Glass"

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Was Your Indoctrination Successful?

Ultra-Liberalism Final Exam

Directions:
In order to prevent damage to your self-esteem, this test is open note and open
book and the answers are highlighted but no looking at
them until you finish (honor system). Some multiple Choice questions have more
than one answer – mark all that apply.

Warning: This test has been shown to cause violent emotional outbreaks. It is recommended that each section be completed at least 24 hours apart.

II - Reason and Logic

2) (True/False) Any complex systemic behavior can be
accurately described with averages

3) (True/False) Because a procedure provides
benefits in one situation, it will provide benefits in all situations and under
all conditions

4)
Mary, a friend of mine, was killed by a meteorite on her 30th
birthday just as she blew out the candles on her birthday cake. Therefore which
of the following must be true

a)
Meteor strikes are common

b)
Birthday candle smoke attracts meteors

c)
Meteors can only hurt you on your 30th birthday

d)
The Government should safeguard the population from falling meteorites

e)
The government should guarantee a meteorite hits everyone on their 30th
birthday

f)
Mary’s birthday was on a full moon

g) Anecdotal evidence
is proof of just about anything

5) An Empirical
fact is

a)
Something that conservatives require in “proofs”

b)
Validated as true when enough people consent to believe it to be true

c)
Validated as true when it has been repeated enough times

d) Validated as true when
subjected to an objective process such as the scientific method

e)
No longer an empirical fact if presented by a biased source

f)
Something believed by an expert or a PhD

g)
Any statistical information that appears to fit liberal beliefs

6) Which
statement below best describes the scientific method

a) Observation
followed by a Hypothesis, Use the Hypothesis to predict behavior, test behavior
to see if it matches predictions, If not, revise
hypothesis. If predictions match have 3rd party duplicate and
confirm hypothesized law of nature

b) Form Hypothesis
followed by Observations, Use the Observations to determine ideal
behavior, Predict new law will result in ideal behavior, enact law

c) Form
Hypothesis about behavior, Test behavior to see if it matches Hypothesis , If
behavior fails to match hypothesis, enact law to change behavior, use law to
predict observations

d)
Form hypothesis that predicts observations and behaviors, enact law that
mandates the observations and behaviors predicted by the hypothesis. If a 3rd
party fails to confirm the observations and behaviors mandated by law, label 3rd
party with a derogatory name and chant slogans

7) Where there
is a substantial correlation between A and B, this means that

a)
A causes B

b)
B causes A

c) Both A and B
are Caused by C or C and D or C,D and E, etc

d) It is a
coincidence

8) Cum Hoc,
Ergo Propter Hoc is

a) A fallacy
where a correlation between two events is taken as proof that one event causes
the other one without disproof of other possible causes

b) A fundamental
Premise of Liberal Reasoning

c) An illegal
sexual act involving birds of prey

d)
A conservative slogan

9) Tu Quoque
is:

a) Fallacy in
which one attempts to defend against criticism by turning the critique
back against the accuser or a 3rd party

b) A commonly used
Liberal Debating technique

c)
Proof that Republican positions are wrong

d) What George W.
Bush does when he is alone

10) When discussing
or presenting a liberal political issue or policy to others you should

a)
Bury it in a generic beneficial category such as “change” or “diversity”

b)
Pretend to speak for other groups in terms of what they want, believe or need

c)
Assert that the subject is a human right that all people should have access to

d)
Redefine the terms used to discuss it to create deliberate misunderstandings

e)
Extrapolate statistical trends that have limiting factors

f)
When showing A is more than B, discount parts of B and exaggerate A by
including other non-relevant or less significant groups in the definition of A

g)
Reference an expert’s opinions as proof

h)
Choose a base year that yields the desired type of trend

i)
Use anecdotal evidence and imply it is a common situation

j)
Present only elements that support your conclusions

k)
Claim your views are “scientific”

11) When dealing with
facts and policies that are opposed to liberal beliefs or policies you should

a)
Question the morality or motiviations of the presenter

b)
Dismiss the facts as anomalies

c)
Explain a groundless and unproven theory that dismisses the results

d)
Dismiss the facts and policies as “simplistic” or “inane”

e)
Dismiss them because they don’t represent a 100% effective solution or panacea

f)
Accuse the presenter of “reflexive reactions”

g)
Accuse the presenter of “blind adherence to mythology” or “Blind Patriotism”

V - Education

a) Grades based on academic mastery of a
subject as established by testing

b) Grades based on individual effort

c) The number of Participation awards they
have

d) Grades based on group projects only

e)
The amount of self-esteem they have

2) Speech Codes at Colleges and
Universities the prevent conservative opinions from being expressed while on
campus or enrolled in classes

a)
Prevent Hate Speech against minorities

b) Prevent hate speech against White Anglo-Saxon
Males

c) Lead to a free exchange of ideas and
access to different viewpoints

d) Encourage a student’s ability to understand
and cooperate with others

e)
Create a less hostile learning environment

f) Are compliant with the 1st
Amendment

3) Universities should grant segregated
housing to those minority students that petition for it because:

a)
Protecting their self esteem from the racists is more important than integration
of races

b) A reduction in exposure to different cultures
and beliefs helps an individual become more educated and better able to succeed
and adapt to a wider culture.

c) The majority of students should be
protected from minority cultures and ideas

d) Minorities should be encouraged by their peers
to retain attitudes, habits and cultural beliefs that may hinder their
scholastic progress

e) It fulfills the dream of Martin Luther
King by encouraging desegregation of races.

f)
It results in a more equal society

4) If 80% of a school faculty identifies
themselves as liberal

a) It will prove ideological
discrimination against conservatives

b) It will encourage
dissenting beliefs among students and faculty.

c)
It will have no effect on grading or discussions in the classroom

d) It will prove that faculties don’t have
ideological beliefs

e)
It will prove that liberals are smarter than conservatives

5) Admitting an individual who belongs to
a particular ethnic group under lower academic requirements to a school where
the majority of the other students were admitted under higher academic
standards:

a) Adds to the self-esteem that individual

b) Makes the individual capable of competing
academically with the other students

c) Results in unfairly passing over many
other individuals on the basis ethnicity

d) Leads others to more fully recognize the
inherent abilities of members of the same ethnic group who were admitted under
the higher academic standards

e) Results
in more “equality”

6)Teachers
in our Public schools need more money because

a) Per Pupil real spending (inflation
adjusted) has tripled over the last 40 years and this has led to corresponding
increase in student performance

b) The number of Public School employees per
student is half what it was 40 years ago and this has led to a corresponding
increase in student performance

c) The number of students per teacher is a
little more than half what it was 40 years ago and this has led to a
corresponding increase in student performance

d) Teachers need the money to send their kids to
private schools at twice the rate of the larger population

e)
The more Public School Officials and Teachers there are, the more money gets paid to the Teachers Union to promote socialist causes.

f)
That will improve the performance of the schools

7) Tenure is a good system for the
teaching profession because

a) A teacher cannot be held accountable for
poor teaching performance or other misdeeds

b) It results in a protective barrier by which
teachers can enforce their own moral and ideological codes in hiring and in the
class room

c) It encourages young un-tenured teachers
to be outspoken and promote change

d) It
ensures teachers do not leave the public school system

8) Parental requests that children
be excused from lessons on evolution in Public Schools

a)
Are Stupid and should be ignored

b) Expose
their children to willful ignorance

c)
Are attempts to force one intolerant version of “God’s Law” on everyone

d) Should
cause the children in question to be expelled

e)
Should result in attempts to force parents to choose between church and
education

9) Public Television

a) Provides entertainment and
education that is demanded by the public at large

b) Is subsidized by the taxpayers

c)
Prevents censorship of ballet, art, and music not demanded by the public

d) Caters to the tastes of intellectuals

Extra Credit : What are the Units of
Individual Merit, and what scientific apparatus and procedures are used to
measure it?

Merit is measured using a complex mix of intuition and
enlightened guessing as detected by vibes and feelings.

e) Transfers
the cost of a struggling individual from their relatives to the government

f)
Helps the poor

g) Gives the poor
dignity

24)A planned
economy is superior to Capitalism because

a)
Goods are produced more cheaply if profits do not need to be provided

b)
Workers are happier and more productive when they labor for the common good
rather than for their own self-interest

c)
The products of labor should be distributed to all regardless
of the effort contributed by any given individual.

d)
The co-ordination of the millions of decisions and tradeoffs to determine what
resources should be allotted to the production of what
goods, at what quantity and what price are best left to a few human beings who
know what the entire population wants and needs.

e)
The only reason a planned economies have not worked where they have been tried
is that the right people haven’t been doing the planning