Monday, February 27, 2012

No Boys Allowed

I go to an all women's gym, and I love it, I really do (insert lesbian joke here; you know you want to). It has everything -- brand new equipment, a sauna, free tampons, the works! It really is worth the astronomical price I pay each month to go there.

The only thing is that the women there are always naked in the locker room. Always naked. Shamelessly naked. All the time. Now, don't get all excited, boys. These women are generally old and/or saggy and/or hairy -- not your fantasy. And, oddly enough, not mine either.

Don't get me wrong, I don't really care about seeing naked people or being naked myself. In fact, it takes way too much effort to try to undress/dress discretely than it does to just get naked in the locker room. I get it. And I do it too. But what I don't understand is the lingering nakedness that is rampant at my gym. Like, why do you have to take off all of your clothes on one side of the locker room to walk all the way to the other side of the locker room naked just to weigh yourself naked? Why? You could wear your underwear. They amount to about 2 ounces; you can just subtract that shit off of your weight if you're that worried about it. Or, you could weigh yourself at home, in all your naked glory, alone in your bathroom. There's some shit I don't want to see, and it's most likely yours.

Look how happy she is weighing herself with clothes on.

I've also had to witness women literally blow drying their bush in the vanity area. There I am, just trying to put on my make up while fully-clothed, and I have to stand next to this travesty. It's disconcerting, to say the least.

Basically, many of the women at my gym seem to forget that the locker room is not their personal bathroom and that they have to share the space with others. They flail their naked bodies all about. They spread their shit EVERYWHERE so that you can't possibly use the bench to do things like sit. They're just rude, plain and simple. The other day, some bitch yelled at me for using perfume because it's quote, "not allowed." First of all, I didn't even use perfume; and, second of all, if I can't use perfume in the locker room then you can't blow dry your pubes there either. I think that's only fair.

4 comments:

HW in DS= Pubeville USA. Though I used to go to the YMCA in Oak square and there was this old woman who was always naked sitting in her wheelchair. She looked like a sad, melted candle and thats mostly why I left.

For this post alone I'm thankful to be gay. That being said however, you get old, saggy women blowdrying their taint... whilst I am stuck with young (and dare I say hung) urban men that look like they want to prison rape me. I'll take your disgust and high fees over fear of spina bifada any day.