After being held overnight on $10,000 bail in a Texas county jail cell Thursday, singer Fiona Apple narrated for a Houston audience, a cryptic version of her experience after her arrest:

Now, most of the people were very nice to me. There are four of you out there, and I want you to know that I heard everything you did. I wrote it all down with your names and everything you did and said stupidly thinking that I couldn’t hear or see you. I then ripped the paper up, but not before I encoded it and– I got two lock boxes. We’ll call them ‘holding cell one’ and ‘holding cell two.’ In ‘holding cell one’ is the encoded version of the shit that you did that I know was inappropriate and probably illegal. In ‘holding cell two’ is the decoder. I’m the only one who holds the key, and you and I will be intimate forever because I will hold that secret forever. Unless of course the celebrity that you had so much interest in but you wanted to accuse me of bringing up while you laughed at me all night? Unless you’re interested in being a celebrity, I’ll make you fucking famous any time you ask and I’ll open those boxes. So why don’t you stay in your fucking holding cell?

It’s not clear what Apple is referring to, but the offenses sound serious. Hudspeth County officers don’t seem to be upset; rather, Sheriff’s Department spokesman Rusty Fleming seems to be egging her on. Fleming released the following statement, addressed to Apple:

First, Honey, I’m already more famous than you, I don’t need your help. However, it would appear that you need mine. Two weeks ago nobody in the country cared about what you had to say, — now that you’ve been arrested it appears your entire career has been jump-started. Don’t worry Sweetie, I won’t bill you.

Next, have you ever heard of Snoop, Willie or Armand Hammer? Maybe if you would read something besides your own press releases, you would have known BEFORE you got here, that if you come to Texas with dope, the cops will take your DOPE away and put YOU in jail.

Even though you and I only met briefly in the hallway, I don’t know you but I’m sure you’re an awesome and talented young woman and even though I’m not a fan of yours, I am sure there are thousands of them out there, and I’m sure that they would just as soon you get this all behind you and let you go back to what you do best—so my last piece of advice is simple “just shut-up and sing.

SincerelyRusty Fleming

quick search on the dickhead shows that he makes regular appearances on various shows on fox news, where he is alternately called an author and filmmaker.

So I saw her in concert the other night. The opening act was her guitar player, coming onstage casually late at about 8:03. The schtick was he'd play a few, and then be joined by Fi's drummer, then bassist, then keyboard player. It worked, in that we were spared an opening act we probably wouldn't care for, her band got the exposure and appreciation they deserved (largely responsible for how awesome Fi is live), and they got to warm up. They played for about 35 minutes, nothing too memorable (the guitarist's first song was just repeating I can't wait to see you again over and over again ... okay).

Fi too was casually late. A couple minutes after 9 all the lights in the house darkened and she immediately went into

1) Fast As You Can

Holy SHIT, that was amazing live. I think it was the shock of hearing the sound come live from someone I had admired so much that wrenched a couple tears out of my ducts, and the effect lingered for the next few songs. The light show that accompanied this song was perfect, and the trend would follow through most of her other performances.

2) On the Bound3) Shadowboxer

It was after this song that she first addressed the audience about what happened in Texas. She wore a ratty white t-shirt with some words written on it in black Sharpie:

READ ORWRITEABOUTBILLADDINGTON

Apparently he's some sort of local hero and she stressed to write and learn about him.

Idiot drunks kinda ruined this one because it was so quiet so there were plenty of silences during which to yell out shit.

13) Used to Love Him - rock out jam at the end by the band. Very enjoyable little session there.

14) Every Single Night15) Daredevil

She fucked this song up beautifully. Imagine if you will a more casual venue, standing room only, though, with bar sections to the immediate back left, far left, far back, and side right. Each of these setups have flatscreen TVs displaying advertisements on them. So she's made it fifteen songs into her set but something is gnawing at her. And she's singing:

"Doooon't let me....Ruuiiin me....TUUUURN THOOSE...FUCKING TVs OFF."

Raucous applause. She says "whoa, I really fucked that one up," and when she gets to the hook again, she's all, in with the time, singing, "I'm going to have to sing. that. one. a. gain."

She gets to the end and bangs the everloving fuck out of the kettle drums to help with the percussion, then addresses the audience. "If I find that you wrote about my little antics and not about Bill Addington, I will find you and I will be fucking mad at you and you will be fucking awful at your job." By this time though, yeah, all the TVs are off. Heh.

16) Not About Love

Then, finally, and wholly shit, this was the song I was waiting for. So glad I got to hear this live. I believe to this point it's her magnum opus, beating out Paper Bag. I don't know if it was my imagination, but this song sounded much more like the leaked version than the fucked up album one. She was riding high on adrenaline and piss and spit and venom and all that good shit, and it turned into one of the best performances I'd ever seen. She hit every beat, and when she to the chorus she really belted it out:

"...and it doesn't make sense I should fall for a king craft of a meritless crownand it doesn't seem right to take information given at close range for the gag and the bind and the ammunition round."

BIG PAUSE here. The crowd cheers at the silence.

"THIS IS NOT ABOUT LOVE."

...then 32xspeed-ish, better than the Micro Machine man could ever hope to do.

A SUPER MEGA EPIC PAUSE. She held, and the band sat with her for what had to be 30 seconds. Whooping and hollering, this time totally deserved. "We love you, Fiona."

Then, and then, and then...

Fiona belts out at the top of her lungs, louder than you thought it was possible for someone to yell.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT LOVE.

Holy shit, she just blew the whole place away.

'CAUSE I AM NOT IN LOVE.IN FACT I CAN'T STOP FALLING OUT...

Phew.

She the addressed the audience one final time. "I apologize for being rude. I realize it's hard to turn off 40 TVs. I'm just a little cranky because I've been up for 2 days, and I have a fucking felony charge."

She rambled a little bit about how she was told not to say anything before she came on stage, and she was like "whatthefuck? I have a stage and I'm gonna shut up? I'm singing my song, and they can't arrest me for singing."

17) She closed with some song I don't know. From doing a search of the lyrics, it looks like Conway Twitty's "It's Only Make Believe". I have no idea what the fuck that was about.

She again stressed, please don't write about my antics, write about Bill Addington. So yeah, google him. Or something. :)

No Encore. Lame. But 17 songs and a fight with technology for ($43 + $13)? I'll take it.

Best moments: Fast As You Can, Sleep to Dream, Extraordinary Machine, Fiona VS. TV, Not About LoveLowlights: Ubiquitous Mr. Drunk Guy, always there to ruin the experience for everyone else. Creepy Personal Space Invaders. No Criminal or Hot Knife -- though I have no clue how she'd do it live -- I guess the band would do, those talented fucks.The verdict: Despite the pricetag, and the standing room bullshit, it was well worth it. I've seen Modest Mouse (before everyone and his brother liked them thus ruining their shows' enjoyability), Radiohead (yawn), Wolf Parade (yeah), Sunset Rubdown (whoo ... RIP), the list goes on, and I can't remember being more taken by the QUALITY of the live performance. Fiona and her band were on fire that night, fueled of course by anger and passion, and it made the excursion well worth it. If you ever had any sort of admiration for her you'd do well to see her live when you can. It's an experience.

Fiona Apple has cancelled her tour of South America because her pet dog is dying.

The singer-songwriter took to her Facebook page to post a handwritten letter, in which she calls her dog Janet "my best friend and my mother and my daughter, my benefactor... she's the one who taught me what love is."

She addressed the letter to: "a few thousand friends I have not met yet", saying she wants to postpone her forthcoming live dates, adding that she wants to "change our plans and meet a little while later" with regards to the shows.

Apple said of the dog, who has Addison's Disease: "Janet has been the most consistent relationship of my adult life, and that is just a fact... I just can't leave her now, please understand. If I go away again, I'm afraid she'll die and I won't have the honor of singing her to sleep, of escorting her out."

It's nice to revisit the album. It didn't make too many waves here. Not nearly as many as Extraordinary Machine anyway. I think it might have been written off too quickly. We can all agree Hot Knife is an instant classic, but it's too simple an answer. There's depth in her other works on this album, too, as that article illuminates.

Ignoring the Chipotle ad aspect of it, that's an amazing cover. It reminds me of her version of "Across the Universe", in the sense that she takes these melancholy songs and makes something absolutely haunting out of them.