Mean Betty: Guess What? Octomom Is a Stripper Now

Mean Betty worries that Octomom’s assumption that fame equals money is damaging for her children. Her latest exploit? Stripping, of course.

-Mean Betty

Oh, kittens. Is there no bottom to depths to which Nadya Suleman will stoop in her quest for fame and fortune? Nadya, not-so-affectionately known as Octomom, is at it again—as a stripper.

That’s right: According to the skillful gossip-gatherers at TMZ (just how do they always manage to dig up these juicy tidbits, anyway?), Octomom has just booked her first stripping gig at a club in West Palm Beach, FL called T’s Lounge. Word has it that the questionable parent will do two shows a night from July 11 through July 15. T’s Lounge, by the by, has an all-nude policy.

Ahem. Please excuse Meanie, kittens, while she chokes on her morning mimosa. Butler, dear? Would you mind terribly fetching a new one?

Ah. Thank you, Butler, dear. You see, kittens, Meanie can’t quite deal with facing Otomom’s various sexploits without a glass of something boozy on hand. It’s just too horrific to think about otherwise. A hearty thanks to the Butler, without whom Meanie would no doubt be lost.

Thankfully, though, Meanie has also learned via TMZ that the rules apparently do not apply to Octomom; she will not be doing the full proverbial monty, performing topless only. Furthermore, she will not be available for behind-the-scenes lap dances. Thank goodness for that!

Meanie feels that perhaps she shouldn’t be surprised by Octomom’s new choice of career; after all, she has already participated in a fetish video, posed semi-nude for Closer magazine, and, most recently, starred in her own solo porn shoot. She has also attempted to declare bankruptcy, although due to her failure to file all the appropriate paperwork, the case was dismissed. With such a massive brood of children to provide for, it would seem on the surface that Octomom is in the “desperate times call for desperate measures” boat… except that, as always with her, this isn’t quite the case. As such, perhaps Meanie isn’t really SURPRISED, per se… but she still can’t quite believe it.

Let’s take a moment to look back at Octomom’s history, shall we, kittens? Perhaps from there, we might be able to unravel her motives.

Since the Suleman octuplets are only the second full set of octuplets in history to be born alive in the US, their birth was hailed as somewhat miraculous—until we got to know a little more about their mother. In spite of the fact that she was far from financially solvent and already had six other children, Octomom somehow convinced her doctor (who has since been expelled from the American Society for Reproductive Medicine) to implant a dangerously high number of embryos into her uterus, which resulted in the octuplets. After their birth, she was frequently accused of having had the children for purely selfish reasons—accusations which she combatted with all her might. But Octomom, it has emerged, does not support her own children. Her mother, Angela Suleman, does. And with each new development in her increasingly strange story—the videos, the magazine shoot, the lot—we see more and more who she truly is: A troubled and fame-hungry woman determined to become a celebrity—no matter what the cost.

Meanie worries for those children—all fourteen of them—but not because their mother is working in the sex industry (Meanie does not have any “moral” issues with the profession itself). She worries because she thinks it possible that Octomom equates fame and celebrity with money. If this is the case, then it would seem that she figures that if she becomes famous, she will also become rich. However, as many a so-called “famous” person will tell you, celebrity does not always coincide with fortune; therefore, it is naïve and perhaps a tiny bit delusional for Octomom to assume that fame is the answer to her problems. In fact, it could even be dangerous if this is, in fact, her mode of thinking—hence Meanie’s worrying.

Oh, kittens. Someone needs to stop Octomom before it’s too late! That is, if it isn’t too late already. Early on, she used to keep saying that she was planning to go back to school so as to be able to provide more adequately for her children. Whether she ever truly meant it remains to be seen; but perhaps if someone is able to show her that following through with that promise would be the best possible thing she could do, she might take a moment to reevaluate her situation.