Across the Merry Miles

Wednesday, 20 March 2019

One of the highlights of our trip to Cornwall in October, was a little cruise that we took with Cormorant Cruising Boat Trips. Mike makes daily, 1 hour trips in his beautifully kept traditional cruising boat, where you can sit back, take in the view of the coast and trust that you're in good hands. The trips leave from both Mousehole and Newlyn Harbours at the end of the quay and the times change along with the tides.

I have to confess to a anxious niggle that I would be sea sick, which would be so embarrassing on such a small and intimate boat, but I was fine and was soon distracted by the spectacular view. Mike gave an amusing and interesting commentary of the villages and landmarks that we passed along the coast and the children and adults alike had fun looking out. Binoculars were supplied for wildlife and landmark spotting, which kept everyone entertained throughout.

However, the ultimate highlight of the trip for 'the boy', had to be when he as allowed to take the helm! As there were no other volunteers, he got to play 'Captain of the Ship' for at least 10 minutes, steering us through waves and zigzagging as much as possible. He made the most of his captive audience to share his curiosity and ask as many questions as he could in his allotted captain slot and I'm grateful to Mike for humouring his inquisitiveness.

Being the animal lover that she is, 'the girl's favourite moment of the trip was seal spotting around Mousehole Island, although I'm not sure that I was quite as successful at capturing them on camera. It was a real treat to see these majestic creatures living and going about their business in their natural habitat.

As we arrived back in Mousehole harbour, with relief that nobody vomited or fell overboard, we were treated with a perfect moment to capture the gorgeous Pender Cottage, where we were staying, on camera from a unique perspective. (It's the smallest grey building between two the two bigger grey cottages. Smack bang in the middle of the row)

If you find yourself navigating Mousehole's teeny tiny lanes at just the right time and tide and you have an hour to spare, absolutely jump aboard the Cormorant and you'll be in for a treat.

Sunday, 24 February 2019

How I love arriving
for the first time in a new holiday venue. It's probably why we so often go for
touring type holidays, where you arrive in a new location every couple of days.
This week, we're staying in the same place all week, enjoying the ease of hiring
a self catering cottage in deepest darkest Somerset.

I love the suspense
of finding the right location and following the ominous directions provided by
the lettings company. The excitement of managing the key lock combination and
turning the key to open your temporary front door. The adventure of exploring
and choosing rooms and peering into hidden cupboards and secret cubbyholes. The
satisfaction of meticulously unpacking into unfamiliar wardrobes and lining up
your personal possessions on shelves in a room which will become home for the
next 7 days. The curiosity of browsing the guest information, discovering facts
about the area and planning days out and adventures to be had. And finally the
relief of pouring the first holiday drink, curling up on the oversized armchair
in front of the log burner, surrounded by antiques and local art work and
anticipating a week of relaxation, exploration and nature stretching out in
front of you.

Tonight we arrived
in the dark and I can't wait to wake up tomorrow and see the house, the garden
and the village in daylight. It will be like arriving all over again. Although I can laugh now, following instructions that say 'follow the stream and keep the chapel on your left. Turn right when you see the sign for Wick Cottage. Head down the gravel track with the ducks on your right', was not particularly helpful in the pitch black, especially with the kids in the back of the car asking incessantly 'Where is the cottage?' And let's not mention the half of a mile I had to reverse down the tiny country lane, because I came across a lorry, without being able to see a thing. Did I mention I was sole driver this time round and that I hate driving in the dark?! Phew, We're here now and the barn conversion is gorgeous, peaceful and beautifully decorated. I'd highly recommend a visit.... here's the link...…

Monday, 18 February 2019

Honesty…… I've been
really stressed lately. Totally overwhelmed by case loads at work, mentally
taking on far too much of the trauma and crisis that the families I support
exude. On top of that December, January and February for us are months of
celebrating multiple birthdays, copious amounts of forced social interaction,
organising parties and excessive present buying. Our children have been vying
from overexcited to totally worn out and exploding in tantrums, way more than
you'd expect at their age. I've been eating and drinking in a way that's left
me feeling fat, tired and unhealthy, falling into a spiral of regret and self-
loathing.As much as I believe in being
outside as much as possible throughout the winter and not allowing the colder
weather to get in the way, our busyness every weekend and the early dark
evenings just haven't allowed me to get the fresh air and nature therapy that I
crave and need.

In all of this
busyness, stress and negative thought patterns, I've forgotten what I need in
my life to ignite joy and peace. I need to write…..whether it's private
journaling, sharing my thoughts on life and sharing adventures on my blog,
texting with a friend or creative story telling….writing inspires me and gives
me purpose. I need to exercise……I recently re-joined the gym as it gives me
motivation and accountability to know it's paid for. However with lack of time
and illness, it just hasn't happened. I've hardly been on the yoga mat, but I
know if I do my inner peace will be restored, if only for a moment. I need
peace……I like my own company and sitting here now, alone in our holiday cottage
(because I chose to forego a trip to the local car museum) I'm remembering how
these moments of peace and calm nourish me in a world of demands from life and
children. Usually I'd add fun and loving moments with family and friends to
this list, but I've had tonnes of that these past 3 months. Lovely as it's been,
I need a balance and my intention for the coming months is to nurture my
health, to be inspired by writing and kickstart the blog before the summer
adventures begin. Across the Merry Miles isback…….. !!!!

The countryside is
soooo noisy!!We really are in the back
of beyond here on the Somerset/Dorset border. (I'm not actually sure where we
are, I'm that laid back this weekend that I'm just going with the flow.) We walked
for a couple of hours this afternoon and only saw maybe half a dozen cars the
whole time. At one point, I saw and heard a train passing in the distance, but
other than that the noise was purely natural. I took a moment to stop, listen,
breathe and take in the surroundings. There was a flock of crows or rooks in
some trees in the distant who were clearly busy preparing for the spring,
chattering, squealing, squabbling and nest building. There were fields and
fields of wandering sheep, so dopey and oblivious to anything but the grass to
graze and actions of their fieldmates, should they choose to copy. The wind was
howling through the trees and hedges and filled our ears and lungs with fresh
countryside air and manure based whiffs. There were many other birds singing
their songs, who I had no way of naming or identifying ,but their melodies
filled the undisturbed air so loudly. There was agentle chatter and murmur of occasional
conversation and observations made by family members who were equally as
comfortable to walk in companionable silence. Our boots beat on the muddy and
grass lined country lane, occasionally splashing in a puddle, but rhythmically
pounding as we strolled along. Other than that, the walk was silent and
peaceful! Not an artificial, mechanical or computerised sound to be heard.

There's something so
therapeutic about a ramble in the countryside over stiles, through muddy
puddles, past farms and animals, around seemingly never ending curving lanes
and amongst the sounds of nature. To be surrounded by reminders of the tiny
part that our lives take up in the grand scheme of space and history can be
immensely humbling. Pull on your walking boots and get outside… Now!

Todaywe
went to the motor museum. My favouritecar wasthe Dusenberg, it is very
big and shiny and it was metallic blue. Grandma's, Noah's ,Pops' and Daddy's
favourite cars are Aston Marten ,a yellow lotus and Jaguars. We also went to
the caféand we had lunch. The car
museum was fun and very interesting. There were lots of cars there which were
really cool because they were all different colours and different makes.

There is a games
room where you can play some arcade race car games. You can see what it feels
like to go 100miles an hour, but watch out you might fall over the cliff. I
came 2nd place in the game and it was only £1 a go.

There was a
collection of about 50 red cars altogether, which was very interesting because
you could see all the different colours of red.

You can even sit on
one of the motorbikes and look through some of the car windows. But we wish
there was a car that you can actually get inside or look under the bonnet. I
learnt that one of the fastest cars could go up to 650mph, which would be
amazing, we didn't see it at the museum though .

There was a café
which had a big range of food and I ate egg and cress sandwiches. In the gift
shop, Grandma bought me an emu beanie boo to add to my collection. Noah got a
wood craft construction kit of a F40 GT and he's finished making it already.

Sunday, 2 December 2018

I've spoken before about my little 'eco-warrior' 9 year old who truly believes, and will argue vehemently, that animals deserve the same rights and respect as humans. She reads the RSPCA children's magazine from cover to cover and has sent them letters and pictures several times. She is also obsessed with the CBBC programme 'Pets Factor', which is a documentary programme about vets. I can totally see her spending her teens volunteering at the local animal shelter and I have no doubt that she will somehow end up changing the world for animals in the future. She seems to attract animals, like some kind of Dr Dolittle character and we can't walk more than a few hundred yards before another wagging tailed dog will come up for a sniff and stroke.

Without any prompts or suggestions, she decided a few weeks ago that she would like to make some Christmas decorations and sell them at the school Christmas fayre to raise some funds for the RSPCA.

Now as passionate as she is about animals, there are times when she can be really quite shy about talking to adults in particular. However, this project has meant that she had to ask the head teacher and PTA for permission, which thank goodness they agreed to.

She then started designing a variety of decorations using bits and bobs around the house and pinched all the random pinecones that we had hanging about. It was quickly clear that we would need to find some more resources, so off to the woods we went.

We often visit Micheldever Woods near Winchester, Hampshire, as it's a nostalgic memory jogger of my husband's Grandmother who loved it there. It's stunning when the bluebells are out and I would highly recommend a visit in March. It is also the site of an iron age farm, so there's a little history to learn if you like, whilst you mosey about in the trees.

Once we'd collected a good stash of pinecones, beech nuts and yew branches, lugged them around our walk and finally got them home, she got to work on creating all sorts of reindeers, angels and mini wreaths. There was only a couple of burnt fingers from the glue gun and arguments over whether the Boy could help or not.

On the day of the Christmas Fayre, I've never been more proud of the way she displayed her wares independently, greeted customers, took money and worked out the change and pennies. She made a total of £30 selling pinecones, and beech nuts stuck with pompoms and googlie eyes that we had hanging around the craft cupboard. The cookies also sold well, especially when her class friends wandered around the school selling them directly from the tray. Watching her glow with the praise she got from her teachers and the other parents made it all worthwhile.

The next step in the project is to visit our local RSPA shelter to deliver the money and visit the animals. Her teacher has asked if she'd like to share her project and the final amount that she raised with the school in 'sharing assembly', but she isn't quite sure whether she wants to stand up in front of everybody yet. I'm looking forward to seeing what my little eco-warrior, animal activist comes up with next!

Wednesday, 28 November 2018

-I smashed a glass bottle of milk all over the kitchen floor, which made us later

-I had no time for breakfast or to make a packed lunch

-The back seat got stuck in the down position and I had 3 children to drive to school

-The children sang Christmas songs on the way to school

-There were two traffic jams on my 10 minute journey to work

-There were no spaces in the office car park

-I wasted an hour going on a failed visit for work, because the young person didn't turn up

-There were no parking spaces outside the bakery

-I smashed the screen on my newish phone on the bakery floor

-I burnt the fishfingers for tea

-I got pomegranate juice on my baby pink wool jumper

I'm sure there is more that I can't remember. Today had the potential to be a total A****. But let's not whinge all evening...time to spin it on it's head.

It's now 6pm and I'm still standing, in fact I've even had a couple of laughs.

Do you know about Negative Automatic Thoughts?

There is a spiral that we get into when we start believing our negative thoughts, so we feel bad, which means we act negatively, which causes more negative thoughts and so on...round and round we go. It can be showed as a triangle with ACTIONS, THOUGHTS and FEELINGS circling around, feeding into each other with no beginning or end. Let's use my bad day example: I wake up late and drop the milk (action). I think 'that is such a bad omen for the rest of the day' (thought) which makes me feel stressed and frustrated and then notice every little thing that goes wrong (feeling), so I strop about in a grump probably rushing and more things do go wrong, perpetuating the whole cycle again. Therapists use this model when giving Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), but you don't need to be a therapist to understand that by changing your thoughts about a situation, you will inadvertently alter your feelings and so on. We have to ask ourselves 'In this current situation, what can I change?' Or 'What personal power do I have right now?' Sometimes we have the power to change a situation and sometimes we can do certain actions to shift the cycle a bit, but a lot of the time the only thing we can change is our own thoughts.

So how do we change our thoughts in order to shift the whole mood and progress of the day?

1.Challenge yourself:
Shift your thinking and challenge negative automatic thoughts by asking yourself 'What is the evidence that this is true?' Well yeah, quite a few annoying things happened today, but only a few of these were before 9am meaning when I first got into the funk it was only a disastrous hour not day. When I first missed the alarm and then dropped the milk, I automatically thought 'Oh no, here we go' and almost expected a bad day. In fact, when I look at the evidence, of how much went badly and how much went well, I bet I can find more good in the end. It's only when you expect awful things to happen, that they inevitably do because you're almost inviting them. Ask 'What alternative views are there?'- So the car parks were full, yeah and what's new?.....9 times out of 10 our office car park is full, why does that matter more today? When I walked into the office, after finishing my rant about the traffic and the milk, I announced (to myself more than anyone) that I was ready to shift my thinking and then I started looking for exceptions.

2. Look for exceptions-Start looking for things that have gone right, instead of what hasn't. Perhaps notice and acknowledge that your favourite coffee is on offer or that the traffic light turned green just as you approached. You will have to actively look and seek out these little exceptions, as they won't come easily once your stuck in a funk. My attitude about the day flipped this morning when I spotted a packet of crumpets on the side and someone offered me the last of their butter- no time for breakfast issue solved-tick!Remembering those crumpets takes me onto the next point.....

3. Wallow in some small pleasures-A segment of chocolate orange, a feel good playlist, a bunch of flowers for your house, you get the picture. I believe the simpler and smaller, the better. In fact, I'm pretty sure the concept of enjoying small pleasures, could rival gratitude for the positive effect on our mental well-being.

4. Get some perspectiveMy work gives me insights into a lot of people's lives who are truly struggling, that's why we go and in and support them and their families. I see the effects of domestic abuse, substance misuse, parents who have had terrible childhoods of their own and poverty on a day to day basis. It's not all doom and gloom and I am grateful to witness and aid the changes, but there is something very humbling and grounding about seeing other people's less fortunate lives. But let's face it, you don't have to do my job to realise that there is ALWAYS somebody worse off than you. It may not feel like it at times, but there is. Be grateful for what you do have.

3. Fresh air/ Exercise

Go outside, breathe, breathe some more and then walk around. The weather locally to me today was horrific, we had wind, rain, storms and the sky outside was like dusk all day. But the cold air hitting my face and the huge lung of air I consumed helped my mood, I promise. This evening, after reflecting on my grumpiness, I realised that since leaving the gym in August and the dark evenings coming in this Autumn, I've hardly done any exercise at all. So I've joined the gym again and the 20 minutes on the cross trainer and rowing machine this evening reminded me how that rush of feel good hormone feels when you raise your heart rate.

4. Have a success-
Tick something off of your to do list, look back at something you created in the past or start a job that you know you can do well and easily. The accomplished feeling you get when you finish it, will raise your self esteem and boost your happy hormone again. Remember that triangle from earlier? Thoughts-Feelings-actions.....? If you change your feelings about yourself and your ability to achieve, it will effect your next action (probably doing it again), which will affect your thoughts (I've managed to do that), which will in turn affect your feelings about yourself....etc.....etc....continue cycle.

6.Have a laugh
I heard a teacher in a Secondary school lunchtime today tell an upset teenage girl to go and find her friends and have some fun. Although my initial feeling was 'What a condescending b***h', I have no idea of the girl's story so I can't really judge. However, that teacher kind of has a point. Humour is an awesome distraction for all sorts of situations, we talk about it in our parenting courses all the time.I wrote earlier in my list of rants that one of the bad things that happened today was the kids singing Christmas songs. I feel bad now! Yes, the mood I was in, it was pretty damn annoying in November. The last thing I wanted to hear was jollity. But then the hilarious 'boy' changed the words to 'I saw Mummy killing Santa Claus' (I know- really?) , I acknowledged that with the mood I was in that was much more likely and we all laughed. It was a genuinely funny moment that lightened the mood no end.

7. Rant and let go
I've left this until last, because I'm not sure it always helps. I've ranted about the broken milk bottle and broken phone screen pretty much all day and I'm still really cross about the phone at least. We love a good rant in our office though, sometimes the camaraderie of shared annoyance or the understanding ear of a friend is just what you need. Just as long as you don't dump it on the listener and just as importantly make sure that once it's out, in the words of Elsa- Let It Go!