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Hi (sorry long post)

I'm a 33 year old man and have been on antidepressants for around 10 weeks now, citalopram 20mg for the first 8 weeks but was increased to 30mg two weeks ago

Not sure where to start really? I've always been a glass half empty type of person and always suffered with anxiety too. My son was born a few years ago and it made my anxiety a lot worse and although it hasn't been diagnosed I think it could be health anxiety? Because I always fear for my health and family members health

Anyway, a couple of years ago my auntie (mothers sister) who I was very close to as a child passed away after a short illness (my uncle their brother passed away a couple of years before with the same thing) and it made my anxiety worse, then a few month later my mother was rushed into hospital, although she got better I've been on a downward spiral since then

My and my partner were planning out wedding in that time and I think along with trying to lose weight for the wedding gave me an outlet, I would exercise to the extreme (didn't think it at the time) as a coping mechanism although didn't realise it at the time and lost 3 stone and completely changed my body shape. After the wedding we went on a big family holiday for our honeymoon (my family and hers) but it didn't go to plan (arguments, falling outs etc) and i came back feeling very low

Then for a couple of months I really suffered with stomach problems, without going into to much detail I was back and forth to the toilet maybe 15 times a day. Went for multiple blood tests, had to have a colonoscopy and everything came back ok and was put down to IBS that was caused by stress

Then at the end of November (few days after the results of the colonoscopy) I was taking my dog for a walk and he was attacked by another dog and had to be rushed to the vets, luckily he recovered but it was a very traumatic experience. Three days later I just couldn't get out of bed and broke down to my wife and although she knew how I'd been feeling for some time and tried to get me to see a doctor for years she could see I was at my lowest, so convinced me to finally go and see a doctor

I broke down to him and told him how I just felt alone and felt like giving up. That before I'd use running or the gym as a coping mechanism but because of my IBS issues for the last few month have given all that up, so didn't have an outlet. I couldn't see an end to how I was feeling etc

He stuck me on the antidepressants and here I am today, off work, feeling ok some days but down more often than not

Sorry for such a like opening post, but felt I needed to get it all off my chest

Hi and welcome to DWD.
You've really been through it! I'm glad you have seen the Dr and you've started meds - remember though that they take between 4 and 8 weeks to get into your system and then the same time for each dose change.

Have you told the Dr your health fears? Have you had counselling suggested to you?

“You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”- Jon Kabat-Zinn

Hi frank and welcome . Well done for being honest with your wife and your doctor, that really is the first step towards recovery. But recovery won’t happen overnight, it took you years to get to this point and it will take time to get back to where things were. You are, however, nearer today than you were 10 weeks ago . You have come to the right place for support, everyone here understands what you’re going through and we are all friendly and supportive

I believe if you wear enough pretty lipstick, sparkly jewellery and great shoes, no one will notice the size of your ass