Thursday, September 25, 2014

High waisted shorts: The bro tank of the female species

Dear high waisted shorts,

We have all seen it before. First the fashion world brought
us the mistake known as the “bell bottom” in the 60’s and 70’s. As we rolled
into the 80’s and 90’s we were subjected to peg pants and neon hues. The early
2000’s through today has blessed us with bro tanks and skinny jeans. Years
after another trend hits we look back on it and wonder “who is this idiot in
this picture and why is he/she dressed like such a dickhead?!” Now as we have
progressed as a society you would think that what appears on the catwalk in
Paris, London or New York every year would not find its way to the closets of
everyday people….WRONG! At bars, concerts and college campuses across the
country the latest craze is taking place. Just like its aforementioned
predecessors, what started out as a fad among a few outliers has progressed
into a full blown pandemic as spring turned into summer. Yes, I am talking
about you high waisted shorts and the effect you are having on the natural attraction
of a male to a women is mind boggling. High waisted shorts are the bro tank for
the female species. You see, no one likes them yet once you see someone wearing
them you must follow suit. It is a look that takes the “muffin top” to the next
level. This revelation alone should make all ladies who own a pair of this
fashion misstep to burn them in liberation. Now usually there is a portion of
society that can pull off a look when all others fail. This portion is usually
referred to as “hot chick” (which also can be referenced as “Kate Upton”) or
“Tom Brady” but in this instance these analogies fail. Even with all the above
stated flaws with this look for some reason hot, ugly, fat, skinny, sorority
girl, country chick, girl next door, and etc. have continued to choose jeans
shorts that are cut off as if they were cotton granny panties that nestle just
below your chest and pair it with a t-shirt from a concert you never attended
that you added a frayed sleeve look to and precede to tuck this into the
previously mentioned shorts to complete an appearance that has most males and
females shaking their head. Ladies, I know it’s hard to take fashion advise
from a guy who’s closet consist of plaid and pearl snaps along with a Chive
shirt sprinkled in from time to time but I am an expert at beautiful women and
this trend is taking the “beautiful” out of that equation. When choosing your
next ensemble for a night on the town, shy away from something that is common
place in trailer parks and honey boo boo’s mom’s closet. With winter fast approaching
and the anticipation of yoga pants, Uggs and sweatshirts that it brings, one
can only hope that it also leads to the death of yet another of society’s
lapses in judgment….

PS. Hello peeps on this first rainy day of the season, here’s
too many more albeit this farmer hope is they wait till November to bless us
and remember….Why pay the doctor to make you better when you can pay the farmer
to make you healthy. Now that that’s advice you usually have to pay for.

Life according to me:

Farming includes lots of long hours and hard work. Many hours on the tractor and in the field also gives you lots of time to figure out the world's problems at the same time you are trying to feed it, I guess multi-tasking is one of our greatest strengths. From politics to sports to music to why did insert actor or actress wear that to the Oscar's please enjoy and feedback is not only welcome it is necessary.......Thank you!