Thursday, August 14, 2008

The 10 Best “To Catch a Predator” Moments

Why don’t you have a seat? Because right now, it is our sincere pleasure to slowly and suspiciously walk you through the 10 Best and Funniest To Catch a Predator clips that exist on the internet today. We know what you’re thinking: “There’s nothing funny about child predators.” Not true. In fact, there’s plenty to laugh about while watching the following bumbling and likely inbred fellas being lured into the pants of various 13-year-old boys and girls, only to be confronted by Best Week Ever’s Sexiest Newsman of 2008 Chris Hansen. #1 still has us laughing. (Language NSFW!)

10. I Just Came To Get Something To Eat. Child molester is confronted at McDonald’s. Unsurprisingly, he just came to get something to eat. Indeed. Also, I didn’t even know David Gest had the internet!

He should really tie those laces… he could get hurt!

9. The Cat Lover, Marvin. A classic, and one of my favorites. The guy shows up naked in exchange for the girl performing sexual favors to her pet cat. There are no jail cell solitary enough for this guy. “You can keep the towel.”

8. The Laryngitis Molester. It hits its peak at around 1:25, when Hansen tries to match the guys vocal inflections and fails. You would think, with all that IMing, he wouldn’t lose his voice, knowutimean?

7. The Man with the Bird on His Head Who Is Also a Dwarf. Do I really need to sell this one to you? Be warned, the guy is a serious creep. A serious tiny creep.

6. “MY THANG IN YOUR MOUTH” — Chris Hansen. You cannot fault the following predator for his honesty. You can fault him for sending 8 d*ck pics.

5. Best Ray Romano Impression Ever! This guy doesn’t look a day over 39. It really comes together at the end.

4. The Hypnotizing Moustache. Know how this guy wills underaged girls into his lair? His moustache. You can’t look away.

3. The Definition of Child Molester. Is this guy for real? I didn’t think actual child molesters looked like the poster children for child molesters. From the glasses to the wife beater to the BULGING eye to the TERRIBLE acting (”Are These Homebaked?”; “What, no way!” ), this is one molester who doesn’t even want the cookie.

2. The Fainting Guy. This one is insane. The guy passes out… into a WALL of furniture.

1. The Margarita Incident. My favorite clip of the bunch. Watch to see why.