Chronic Pain Support Group

Physicians and professionalsdefine pain as chronic if it lasts longer than three to six months and is persistent. It's distinct from acute pain that is a direct result of injury or trauma. This support group is dedicated to those suffering from chronic pain. Discuss treatments that have worked for you, find advice for your specific experience, and find support. You're not...

Written back in 2006 for Ouchs' Corner

People who live in chronic pain, have to eat crap from most of the people in our lives. Friends, co-workers- and our significant others. No one not even our doctors, and their medical assistants, and staff respect chronic pain patients as being really sick. Why do we have to be treated as second class patients by society at large. Is it because we were taught from a young age "to walk it off" or is it because we are thought of as drug seekers. Maybe they believe us to be slackers.

Our significant others, whether we are married or living with someone, go into our relationships know it is "for better or worse" and in "sickness and health". When I got married, I thought like most that the worse wasn't going to happen. What could that mean, anyway? A six month layoff, money troubles, right? Now the health part. Most people get married young and their health is good. So the health part, means when we get old. Diabetes, heart problems, cancer, arthritis. Things that happen with age. Maybe a health "scare" when younger, but something that won't last a few months at best. People understand that. They will sympathize and take care, since it can happen to them.

Well, here we are. Something went wrong, and we got sick with something earlier in life, and something went really wrong. Chronic pain has set in. Well sorry. In life sometimes, things happen to people. Us. We ended up developing a chronic pain issue, for whatever the root cause. There are as many reasons, as there are members in the support groups. Each of us, has a different reason why it happened to us. Our loved ones, can't handle it. Why do they run, and why if they stay, don't they treat us as though we are chronically ill? Lets go back to, the take to aspirin and call me in the morning, or the walk it off mentality.

Spouse one, leaves his wife. She has cancer. She can't walk anymore. People will look at that person as a loser, a bad person and someone with out a soul, or remorse. They will be treated as the person in the relationship that was wrong. That spouse will probably always feel bad about leaving. Same spouse but the illness is chronic pain. No one will say boo to them. They won't be treated as though they were the wronged one. "Well, I tried, but all my spouse did was take pills all day and lay on the couch". "Pain, so what. They are the ones who are taking advantage in the relationship".

Why do they leave? Is it vanity? Not wanting to spend their lives with someone with a cane. Maybe it is they want to do "normal things" Every reason is different. The point of all of this today, is simple. We did nothing wrong. We got sick, and now live with pain. We should not be treated as second class patients and people with second class illnesses, by doctors. Our spouses, and significant others, are weak and vain for leaving us, and/or treating us badly. Period.

Why does no one remember that, behind the chronic pain, is a 'legitimate' health problem? Failed backs, Lupus, Heart problems, Fibromyalgia, M.S.. The full spectrum of diseases and illness have taken our otherwise "normal" lives. It has left us with pain.

Last weekend while we were away, my cousin kept asking me, if I wanted a beer. Boy, did I want one. But I had to keep reminding him politely that I am on medicine. How I described my meds, to him and how I describe it to everyone who asks. Did you ever go to the dentist and get the pain medicine with a 3 on them? Yes, well I take twenty of those per day. That shuts people up, they then understand I live with something they cannot comprehend. I digress as usual.

The issue with most pain patients under forty is, why do they stay with spouses, and significant others who are/or in, less than ideal situations.? I believe that most of us who suffer with chronic pain are afraid of being by ourselves. That we will stay in "bad" relationships because it is better than none at all. Some of those who suffer with pain, suffer mental abuse in our relationships, because if we need to go to the hospital, or just had a surgery, someone will be home for us. Most in bad relationships, say who would want me, now? So I will stay.

Having to stay, because the spouse has health insurance for us. We couldn't survive on social security. Some stay because it is their lives that they built with someone, and they won't give it up. Questions like who will shop for me, where will I be stuck living, OMG will I be so broke, I will have to chose between food and medicine. (I have seen this one, and had to stay u all night chatting) because the person was so upset they wanted to kill themselves. Which is an easy thing for a chronic pain person to do.

Our minds, and our ability to survive are still intact. It can be done. We can survive, and survive better, without someone who treats us badly. We can be happy, we can manage to eat and take all our meds. One thing those who suffer forget, is stress is the worst thing for us. No bad relationship, no stress, equals no pain. I did it for awhile a few years ago. Those who suffer can also.

Please, love yourself more, than the life you are living. You can be a stronger person than you think you are. Just because you have been led to believe you are weak, doesn't make it so.

Hi, I used to feel guilty of being a quiter, a whiner, a loser, at home because I felt I wasn't holding up my end of the deal and pulling my weight. At my job in a HOSPITAL where they just looked at me and said , move you will feel better, and by a manager who told me they would not tolerate my using a cane. (wish I had a recorder in my pocket that day). Alot of mental stress was wasted by feeling this way, and allowing people to make me feel like a leper. My husband is very supportive, but sometimes I think he thought I was exagerating, so I started taking him with me to the doctor, so he would be there when they explained my xrays , or my test results. He has gotten even more supportive since I started to do this. I tahnk God for leading me to a great man.

My dear wife Pink has stood by me every step of the way. She even came home with a stuffed bear that plays &quot;you light up my life' all in an effort to keep me sane. While she cried at work.

This was written for a weekly essay I used to do for a different group. Shame of it, having a spouse who is 100% there for you is rare. So many younger pain people will have marital or relationship issues than you and I.

So far, I have been lucky and my partner has been there for me. He has made comments about it being no different than if I had had a stroke or cancer, etc. He is my rock most days and DS of course. He still buys flowers just because or to try and cheer me up. He opens doors for me, carries anything I can't get myself, helps with groceries, housework, whatever I can't manage he is there. We are finding that even when I have trouble doing something I can't stand asking so now he &quot;watches&quot; and just offers. It doesn't feel like I take advantage that way.

my wife and i both suffer from cp. so we understand each other most of the time.
i say most of the time as our pain is completly different and our thinking styles make us react to pain differently.

we mostly live with no medication. i believe my wife is stronger than me when it comes to pain, but of course i don't know her pain and she doesn't know mine.

i rest all day to keep my pain in check, in any other relationship my spouse would not stand for it, how i know this, it is easy as my wife had trouble comprehending my pain and what i go through but as she loves me and trusts me she has come to realise that i'm not lazy, that what i do is a must to stay sane.
turn this around and focus on my wife she won't complain about the pain, her pain. she has been arseholed by her insurance company, she has little mental strenght to fight them, for now.
every day i'm there for her in my minimilised capacity to give her my left shoulder to cry on or lean on. to be the wall she takes it out on. sometimes i suck it that.

my point is that i'm sure that without the tower of strenght we give each other we would not be here today, fighting and hoping that tomorrow will be a better day.

My gf has DDD. She has dealt with back pain since she was 12. I have DDD and Fibro. I try to explain that I am in pain 24/7 and have had her come right out and tell me she doesn't think so! I know that she would not be able to deal with some of the pain I go through without crying. I know because she has had sciatic pain and she was crying out and in tears every step she took! I tried to tell her I go through that every day. She seems to forget that I have been diagnosed with DDD and Fibro. I think she thinks I exaggerate sometimes. I also struggle with the stigma of being considered a hypochondriac, so I try not to complain too much, which comes back to bite me in the butt because she doesn't know how much I hurt. I have to find a balance between comlaining too much and not complaining enough.

Last week, I decided to do a little housecleaning, as much as I had energy for. She said I did a 'half-assed job' because I didn't do the whole thing, not taking into consideration that I didn't have the energy to do the whole thing. So I ended up wearing myself out and being down for two days just to try and get it all done.

I often wonder why we stay together. She complains because I'm grouchy or sullen. She complains because I &quot;take things out on&quot; her. She puts me down for what I say, how I say it, whatever. She knows that stress makes the pain worse, but only seems to think that applies to her!

I stay because I know how stressful it is just to deal with the pain. I stay because of the way it is on good days. I stay because I love her. But, bottom line, I think I stay because I don't want to be responsible for her falling apart if I leave. I've been so close to leaving, but she just reels me back in. It's going to take a couples counselor to tell her we can't be together anymore.

The support I get here at DS has been a life-saver. I love you all and thank you all for your support!

A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...

I have my maxed amount of epidural shots of my cervical DDD....(and no one cares about my lumbar DDD)..... I've done physical therapy, muscle relaxers, Amitriptyline, Nortryptiline, desipramine.....narcotics... So I decided to go to a spine specialist and they have me on Gabapentin. Its been two weeks and it did nothing for my lumbar ever... but it did seem to help my cervical and arm/hand pain...

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