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Randall Gross: A Profile in Cowardice

Note: The person referred to in this blog post is the Randall Gross who resides in Puyallup, WA and works for MultiCare Health system in Tacoma, WA.

The following blog is, as with everything on this website, an opinion of Joel Gross; while facts described are true, the conclusions drawn from those facts are personal, and may not accurately reflect Randall Gross. My law school friends advised me to say that. Furthermore, many of the facts stated cannot be proven because I have no police records , just sweet, sweet memories (other than the instance police responded to a domestic violence incidence at my house that resulted in Randy doing community service).

Randall Gross is my father. Perhaps not biologically, but until I was older, I believed that he was. I lived with him from the time I was born till I was 14 when he supported my meth-addled mother in kicking me out. I have not written this profile of Randy Gross lightly and would not have written it, except I have recently found out that he is treating my little brother Joshua very poorly, just like he treated his other three older sons. I am hoping in writing this that either Randall Gross loses custody of Josh or, much more doubtfully, sees the error of his ways and reforms his behavior. Now it’s time to pour the proverbial can of gas on the bum and light him up.

From the time I was very young, Randall Gross has been controlled by other people. Randy will do anything to please people around him. He was a pastor at Spanaway Assemblies of God (now the Sound Life Church of the Assemblies of God) and humbly took massive amounts of shit from everyone in the congregation… and turned around and dumped it on his own family. Randall Gross was too cowardly to stand up to anyone, but when he came home he was a different person- he took all of his rage and bitterness out on his children. Make no mistake about it; he was verbally and physically abusive. When other people in his life wanted attention he would neglect his own family to go try to make them happy. Randall Gross is a man of zero self-respect and no loyalty. If it is ever to his advantage, he will stab you in the back. Trust me, if he doesn’t hesitate to harm his sons, you don’t stand a chance.

Throughout my childhood, Randall Gross always promised to pay for my college when I was old enough. Shortly before I went to the University of Washington as a freshman, I went and asked him to follow up on his promise and help support me. Being the funny guy he is, he laughed and said okay- then flipped me a dime. I don’t think I have ever been so close to beating someone to death with my bare hands. Fortunately for him, I don’t abuse those who are weaker than me. That is one of the few lessons I learned from him.

For the longest time after I left at 14, I wanted to go back and pound Randy Gross’s face in. I remember talking to friends about it, and the friends being the people they are, offered to come down and help me. If I ever did something like that though, I would want to do it alone, just me and that vile child abuser. Bet you didn’t think that skinny little 11 year old you hit and threw things at and kept in his room for months would ever grow into 6’5” 220 athlete did you? Or that he would expose your darker side to the world?

After spending years away from Randall Gross, I let go of a lot of my ill will towards him and even visited him for a while the summer after my junior year of college. By that time, Randy had gotten remarried to a new woman who dominated him just like my mom used to own him. He had somehow convinced himself that he was a victim of my mom and my brothers. How you get victimized by little children, I don’t know. But I was trying to get around the past and see if I could salvage a relationship with him, so I listened to his sniveling and crying. Randall Gross kept repeating that no one realized how much hurt he had and how he had suffered more than anyone else because of my moms drug use and multiple marriages, including two to him. I’ll give him that, he did go through some shit. Randy Gross is an adult though and could have walked away at any time. Us kids didn’t have any such option and when he got angry and took it out on us we didn’t have any way of leaving. My effort to reconnect with him eventually broke down after he felt insulted by something I told him and he called me and told me he didn’t want to speak to me again and hung up. At that moment, I decided I would never have anything to do with him again; all he ever did was try to hurt me and bring me down. I haven’t spoken to him in around two and half years. I had put Randall Gross and his crimes out of my mind and moved on to a much happier and more satisfying stage of my life, until reports started to trickle in to me that he is maltreating Josh Gross. I don’t care about him any longer, but abusing my younger brother is intolerable. I think the best way to break Randy Gross’s selfish shell is to hit him where it hurts most- his ego. I want him to read this and realize that many other people have read it as well. Hopefully, his friends and coworkers and bosses will exert positive peer pressure that will result in him changing his cruel and neglectful behavior.

After being fired by the Assemblies of God for getting divorced, Randall Gross now works for MultiCare Health system in senior management as the “Director of Human Potential”… a cheesy name for HR director. MultiCare is a non-profit company that operates four local hospitals; Mary Bridge Hospital, Allenmore Hospital, Good Samaritan Hospital and Tacoma General Hospital, along with 90 or so smaller clinics around the Northwest. One of the great ironies of corporate life is that Randy Gross is in charge of helping to manage around 8,000 people in our area, when he failed miserably at managing his own family. He kicked me out at 14, Jordan out at 17, Justin at 16 and hopefully he will get rid of Josh soon too, for Josh’s own benefit. Randall Gross cut off Jordan and Justin as well. I have been talking to my bros and trying to help them understand that they aren’t bad people; Randy is a cruel-hearted yellow little man not worth any of our time. We brothers stick together.

The cause for me writing this article was I heard from various people how Randy’s been treating my little brother. I love my little brothers and grandma more than anything else in the world, and if I thought it would make things better for Josh, I’d gladly go down there and … old comment removed on advice of law school friends…give Josh a great big hug. I hope my friends will not think worse of me for this somewhat vitriolic and depressing article on Randall Gross. My friend Jeremy helped inspire this article, he gave his dad a nicer letter a few years ago. I decided to do the same, but Randy Gross only cares for the opinions of people other than his family so I published it here so others will know of and talk to him about his behavior.

I have repeatedly invited Josh to come live with me, though he’d probably have to share a bed with me in my little Seattle studio and it could get awkward if I brought a woman home. Oh well, I shared a room with Faryar and Fletch through college and just put a pillow over my head when I heard funny noises from them. I also have been working on convincing my grandparents to take him in; this would be the best option for him, but they are getting older and it wouldn’t really be fair for them to take a 3rd Gross boy.

I have become very long-winded, so let me sum up by listing a few more actions of Randall Gross:

-Randy is so unable to be alone he tolerated my mother drinking and doing meth constantly for years. When she got mad at us, she would use him as her hatchet man to come after us… and no matter how wrong she was, he would do it.

-Randall has now cut off his own elderly parents who raised him, along with his brother & sister and nieces and nephews. His father is nearing his deathbed after multiple strokes and his mother is barely able to care for him, but he still won’t talk to them.

-Randy is a Director at a major company making great money, yet refused to help any of his sons with college. As a matter of fact, he was so vindictive to Jordan that he repeatedly contacted the financial aid office and tried to get them to rescind the aid given to Jordan and I. It was only after Jordan and I brought in multiple documents proving Randy didn’t support us as he claimed that we received our university loans.

-Randall Gross a couple years ago got an online MBA from a sketchy internet university: basically one of those deals where you pay for a degree. He tried telling me that he was better than me because he had a 4.0 on his degree, while I only had a measly 3.52 from the University of Washington.

-According to my mom (an unreliable source), he once stood idly by and watched while she got raped on the hood of her car because he was too scared to do anything.

-My grandma told me Josh was offered by his school to participate in their honors program, but because his new wife’s kids didn’t get offered, he said no. Can’t hurt their feelings after all.

-I found out from my younger brothers that after I got kicked out, Randall Gross would denigrate me to them and encourage them to do the same behind my back.

-Anything given to Josh cannot be used by him at Randall’s house. For instance, I gave Josh a dartboard for his birthday and he will not be able to take it home. I also offered to buy Josh a gym membership near his house so he can start working out for football (which Randy won’t allow Josh to play, though he allows his stepson to), but Josh is not allowed to go. Josh is not even supposed to use money he gets from his brothers. Randy Gross tries to isolate Josh as much as possible.

-Randall Gross was a pastor for many years and claims to be a spiritual leader. His actions speak much louder than his public words though; he is on his third marriage, his family life is in ruins and he is the most selfish person I have ever met. On Sunday’s he goes to church and puts on his I-Love-Jesus face and sings and cries and dances, then walks out and violates almost every principle of the Christian faith. I think he believes the fruits of the Spirit are “cruelty”, “negligence”, “selfishness”, “petty hatred”, “prevarication” and “bitterness”.

In conclusion, I recommend that anyone who is friends or coworkers of Randall Gross carefully review your relationship with him. He is a snake in the grass who will attack you when least expect it and will not hesitate to use you if he thinks it will help him advance. If you are his employer I would carefully inspect his work record; he is very good at BSing, but I wouldn’t be surprised if you found that is all he has truly contributed to MultiCare. A man who can’t take care of the culture of his own family surely cannot be expected to shoulder the responsibility of caring for the culture of a large corporation. Is he a leader at your church? Are you sure you want to take spiritual advice from a man who’s heart is as black night? No one who is close to him and knows him respects him; they either manipulate him (his current wife) or avoid him (the rest of his family). Randall Gross is not a man to be associated with lightly.

14 thoughts on “Randall Gross: A Profile in Cowardice”

Wow. I mean, wow. Did you get a sense of peace and healing after writing that, or do you feel a little torn up inside on that? I never had to endure some of the things you went through with him (the physical abuse) but I was able to witness it. I think the feeling I have come away with is that he has a lot of similarities with our other parent. He believes he is the victim because he can’t accept that he has given over control of his life (addiction was her governor). I don’t think of him as the monster, just the instrument of one (or two). Guns don’t kill people, people kill people- don’t blame the gun, blame the person controlling him. We can only blame him for not having the personality or backbone to stand up and take charge of his life (for our sake as well as his own). I don’t like the motivation of your writing this. It may be justified but it seems petty and very much in alignment with what our family is prone to. You had worse than I (much worse) so I can’t criticize too much.

You should not feel bad for writing this. It has been long over due. My heart goes out to our younger brother for having to still live under the tyrant, until he kicks him out to. I will testify that everything you have written is based on factual events. Justin Gross

I won’t mention what you wrote about our father, I am still thinking on it, but I will tell you why I personally would’t live with you- no hard feelings. First is that you are a party animal and you drinl a lot- whether it be responsible or not, but I have heard a lot of stories- also because you have sex all the time, I would,t want to be trying to do a math problem in a different room and hear poundings on the wall and groans. Also, where would I go to school? We couldn’t possibly find a schedule where you can make it to your work and drop me off at school on time. Those are the main reasons but I wont go into the smaller ones. Sorry for not being able to go rock climbing with you, email me jdawsk414@hotmail.com

Joel I am an economic and community development consultant who has worked hard for 22 years to build an excellent reputation among my client base, which includes local governments and others working for the revitalization of communities and in economic development. Many of my potential clients now search the web for information about me and my firm before they choose to hire me. As you probably know, your blog about your father (Randall Gross) is the first site to come up on a Google search list for my name. Since your father and I share the same name (but apparently, we share practically nothing else, based on your commentary), people that are searching for information about me do at least look at your blog to see if it has something to do with me. While I doubt that your blag has directly affected my business, and I’m happy for you that your blog is read with frequency, my concern is just the negative image that is now associated with my name (which also happens to be the name of my firm – Randall Gross / Development Economics). I certainly don’t want you to change your opinions or your blog. I just want you to be aware of how your information can be used for unintended purposes once it’s on the web. Sometimes the information we put on the web can have negative, unintended impacts on innocent people. Just a comment. Again, congrats on your successful blog. Thanks for your time and best wishes on development of your blog and your career. Sincerely, (The Other) Randall Gross

Fair points, (other) Randall Gross. I did not want or intend any damage to come to innocent and unrelated people. I will make a note at the top of the blog post immediately clarifying who I am speaking of. Thanks for raising this issue to my attention.

I was indeed looking for the Randall Gross of Development Economics. While I’m relieved to find out they aren’t the same person, the experience of coming to this site and having to wade through the blog was … extremely unpleasant. Why did I wade through the post after I reading your disclaimer at the top of the page? Because the search engines now associate your site clearly with the Other RG’s company, and I was trying to make sure he didn’t abruptly change careers, or something. I was looking for the explanation of why his company name appears clearly on your site. I’m not sure what you’re getting out of this site, but I hope in your mind it justifies the ick-factor.

To the Matthew who wrote regarding Randall Gross: A Profile in Cowardice…you left me uncertain, the Randall Gross alluded to, is employed by Multicare. I think that was very clear. The “truth” is sometimes full of the “ick factor.” Of course, being a corporate man yourself, I am sure you are aware of that.

To the anonymous commentator: If you wish to leave rude comments and not have them deleted, please use your actual name. In writing this post, everyone knows who I am and where I am coming from and it is only fair that you do the same. Also, be sure to leave your correct email address so I can confirm who you are. I am willing to entertain a diversity of opinions; however I will delete spam from an anonymous source. By the way, when you leave a comment on my site my server logs show me what IP address you came from and it is a trivial matter to find out who you are. Please don’t be stupid.

I don’t care if you post this response or not– I read this thread after stumbling upon it accidentally and I have one thing to say and I hope you actually, thoughtfully, consider it. I would remove this post from your blog as you near the time that you are searching for a job…especially in this economy. No one will hire you for a serious job if they find this as it is evidence of your apparent mental and behavioral instability. Not a wise post however you choose to rationalize it. I wish you peace of mind.

Wow. I stumbled upon this site by accident when reading about John Hagee. I read your post concerning your father. Considering your past, I can understand your determination in trying to expose what you believe to be false prophets, teachings, etc. I am saddedend that your father, who at one time served as a pastor, would behave in such a vile manner. Unfortunately, there are some pastors who have these hidden lives. That saddens me and breaks my heart. I am a christian, but I know that there are people who, like your father, lead a double life. I hate that those individuals cast such a negative light on the true christians of the world and the wonderful pastors who do the work of the Lord. In spite of the many horror stories we hear about pastors and christians, there are some real, TRUE, wonderful and caring pastors today. It’s a shame we have to be on guard against those who would take advantage of someone and cause damage to one’s life. I believe that God will hold those people accountable one day. If your father has done all you say he has, then one day he will be held accountable. But for your peace of mind Joel, I pray that somehow you find healing and the grace to forgive. I’m not saying it would be an easy thing. But I have an amazing friend who had a terrible childhood, far worse than the one you have told us of. Somehow, though it took years, she learned to forgive. And since then she has been so free and now helps so many others. Joel, the forgiveness part isn’t so much for your father’s benefit. It sounds as if he really wouldn’t care either way. But it’s for you. It’s to free you up from any anger, bitterness, or hatred that may be burdening you. I known that God can turn your horrible experience into something positive. I just pray for you, that you will be strenghtened and remember that just because some people take God’s name in vain (I do not mean “cursing”, I mean they “wearing” the name of Christ in vanity), not everyone falls into that same category. We, as christians, should always LOVE and forgive. No matter what, which is often a trial in itself. God Bless You!

For the writer of this blog I can relate to having a parent disown you. It happened to me and it ate me up much like it is eating you up. I had to have complete forgiveness for my parent in order to heal. I also had developed bad habits as a result and I see in comments from the other readers you may have developed some poor habits as well. I encourage you to reach out and get help to get healed. The day I completely forgave my parent I felt a huge burden lifted off me. A weight I had carried for years. I’ve written about it a few times on my blog. Feel free to check it out. It’s entitled “Forgiveness: A Remedy fo Heal our Physical and Spiritual Bodies.” Here’s the link: http://graceforgrace.com/2008/12/14/forgiveness-a-remedy-to-heal-our-physical-and-spiritual-bodies/ I also have other posts on how to overcome bad habits and addictions. I’m not saying you have them, but others in your comments mentioned it and for kids that have been abused addictions are common. I dealt with them and overcame them so I’m just throwing it out there in case you’re dealing with it too.