Saturday, July 01, 2006

Strange Shabbat Experience

Being as this Shabbat was just about the longest of the year, and with many of our friends and neighbors checking out for the semi-holiday weekend (taking our kids' playmates with them), when we received an invitation to spend it at a friend's house, we snapped at the chance to vacate the neighborhood, welcoming the thought of a change of scenery. And what a change it was.

Apparently, we found ourselves in the most conformist place in the universe. Basically, I showed up at shul this morning to find a women's section full of clones. Every woman was attired in similar clothing, and I spotted at least five women in the same pair of shoes. The kids all seemed to be dressed in different pieces from the same coordinating line of children's clothes. But weirder still, and the part that made the room seem like an outtake from Stepford Wives Gone Charedi, was the fact that every single woman had exactly the same hairstyle. Precisely. Either every single shul member uses the same wig stylist, or I was the only person there who didn't get the memo with the attached picture of Jennifer Aniston circa 2001.

Weird. I was never so happy to get home to the good old Five Towns.

Oh, and for those of you who are always worrying that I've gone to far and am risking outing myself, hold off on the warning e-mails this time. There's nothing to worry when it comes to the risk of these particular friends reading this post, recognizing the description of themselves or their shul in this post, and being on to my identity. When my husband brought up a certain blog (not mine - that crazy we're not) at the table in response to a topic of discussion, both of our hosts looked at us blankly, having no idea what a blog even was. I am quite sure they are not visitors here.

The mind is a precious thing to waste. Sound familiar? With all the wonderful spiritual and intellectual things we can fill our minds with; I find it so unfortunate that your mind is thoroughly saturated with materialism. Aren’t you embarrassed to tell the world that your mind is being wasted on trivial and petty matters? After 120 do you really believe that you (or your Husband) will be judged on Blog Trivia? Or rather, clothing and hair design? Perhaps you would like to take this reply as a wake up call from Above. Get a Jewish life! That means enough of your foolishness; pump some spirituality in your life and get genuine fulfillment. Remember, the road to spiritual success is always under construction.

There is a general trend in most frum communities to follow the rov (pronounced "rove" not rav. Ha'levai people should follow their Rav). It really stems from the secular world, where we see people emulating those in the media. But then again, how many of these women when to a Bais Yaakov and had to wear a uniform?The Yeshivish world's quest for non-conformity might be the cause of the whole problem?

When Orthodad mentioned blogs, and they started at you blankly, was that because they had never heard of blogs, the internet, computers and technology -- or was it due to some trance they were in and they kept muttering kugel...kugel...kugel

The mind is a precious thing to waste. Sound familiar? With all the wonderful spiritual and intellectual things we can fill our minds with; I find it so unfortunate that your mind is thoroughly saturated with materialism. Aren’t you embarrassed to tell the world that your mind is being wasted on trivial and petty matters? After 120 do you really believe that you (or your Husband) will be judged on Blog Trivia? Or rather, clothing and hair design? Perhaps you would like to take this reply as a wake up call from Above. Get a Jewish life! That means enough of your foolishness; pump some spirituality in your life and get genuine fulfillment. Remember, the road to spiritual success is always under construction. "

Anon, we all totally agree. Really,you should stop wasting your mind and our time responding to your comment. Leave us alone and let us enjoy om's delisciously funny post.

Speaking of that,

"Either every single shul member uses the same wig stylist, or I was the only person there who didn't get the memo with the attached picture of Jennifer Aniston circa 2001."

This is precisely the behavior that I ridiculed in a previous post of mine. Why must you say negative things about other Jews in your blog, especially when there is absolutely no positive outcome? The world will be a better place because people dress the way Orthomom wants?

WBM, chill out, pal. I don't see om sayting that the clones make the world a worse place. She thouhgt it was strange. You. Must. Chill. Or get a sense of humor. I saw your post where you are critical of "kvetchy bloggers". That may be your taste, but many if us come here exactly to kvetch because its a good way to get out some negaitivity without doing so in real life. Also, I dont really see this as a kvetchy blog. This post isnt a kvetch, its a funny observation.

Whoa. As the commenter above points out, maybe you should chill a little, or rethink your tone. It is waay out of line for this thread.

If you are talking about your "kvetchy bloggers" post when you point out that "This is precisely the behavior that I ridiculed in a previous post of mine", you obviously haven't read or have chosen to ignore most of my blog.

Also, I find it a bit ironic that you choose to criticize me in this hostile tone by quoting a post in which you...well, criticize other nameless people in a humorous fashion similar to the one I used in this post. To use your own words on yourself, "Why must you say negative things about other Jews in your blog, especially when there is absolutely no positive outcome? " Because you feel like it. Which is just fine, but really, you should allow others the same courtesy you expect for yourself.

WBM, we are happy to have you around but you should really try not be so critical when you criticize other bloggers for being so critical.

"Anonymous said...WBM, why exactly are *you* allowed to ridicule others in your blog while complaining when OM does it? I think you need to stop visiting blogs if it's so upsetting to you..."

Why? Simple.

Because we live in America and didn't make Aliyah—so we clearly don't get it. After all, you can only have all the right answers, do all the right things, think all the right thoughts, and value all the right values if you move to Israel.

I want to make a small point--to non-Jews, all Jews look alike. They recognize the chassidim, they can differentiate between the MO and the "Flatbushers", and they know who the Boro Parkers are. To them, they are all Jews. All sects of Jews (usually) conform to their "group". Yes, BY does enforce uniformity, but how different is it in public schools? Most teenagers want to go with the flow, and all buy the same Abercrombie jeans or whatever. Not always, but usually, as I said. The world is a pretty conforming place.

Om, sounds like you spent the weekend in your own home neighborhood. Seems to me like you described a scene straight out of Cedarhurst. You don't exactly live in the noncomformity capital of the world you know. I wouldn't throw stones.

It is true that in many different communities there are unwritten (or maybe sometimes) written rules about what is "cool" to wear and what is beyond the pale. Certainly it's true of many of the college students I teach.... much as they declare their individuality!

No criticism, just an observation: it seems everytime you get invited out, something odd happens: at the schule, the Shabbat table, etc. Is it you? Your decision-making process in accepting invitations? Your circle of friends? The demands of the blog?

I find it fascinating and don't doubt the weirdness of it all (HKBH only knows that I've seen, been involved or know of worse). But still, do you attract it all?(Attract as in causing something to happen; attractive is another term)

No criticism, just an observation: it seems everytime you get invited out, something odd happens: at the schule, the Shabbat table, etc. Is it you?Well, this experience was weird, but not necessarily in the context of many American Orthodox communities. I am sure many have had a similar experience of there being a marked conformity to a certain group.

I find it fascinating and don't doubt the weirdness of it all (HKBH only knows that I've seen, been involved or know of worse). But still, do you attract it all?

Trust me, I have many mundane Shabbat lunches and dinners - they just don't make for very interesting blogging fodder. I only share the good ones so as not to lose your interest.

My parents live in a small charedi-light community with only one sheitel macher.My mother has been using the phrase "stepford sheitel" for years.Must have been a freaky experience - was your friend also a dress-a-like?

Years ago, I went to the latest "go-to" shaitel macher in my community. I was about 29 at the time, but had no children (B'H', I now have five). She asked me how many children I had, and I replied that I had none.

When I came out, I had the hairstyle favored by all the 19-year-old kallahs. Apparently, she used "# of kids" as an indicator of age and styled accordingly. I confirmed my suspicions with another non-mother my age, and she had the same experience. We decided not to return . . .

Let me return a dinner-tale favor: A good few years ago, we had some recent Russian immigrants at our table for Shabbat dinner and then went for a brief stroll along Urim v'Tumim Street in Upper Shiloh, Samaria. I pointed out to them that the lights they saw in the distance were in Jordan, the town of E-Salt and the reflection of Amman, that the territory was Biblical and historical Eretz Yisrael and explained to them that actually Shiloh and the hill cities of Jordan were at the same height but the Jordan River Valley separated us. One Russian asked how far away was Amman and I replied: "oh, far. About 25 kilometers or so" and he began to laugh and said: "in Russia, we spit that far".

Iti s probably because I'm a guy, and while I follow traditional practice I am unobservant, but is it really so odd that '5 women had the same pair of shoes'? Just how many shoes ARE there in a typical women's shoe store anyway?

"Yours, on the other hand, is relentless nattering on about the work of others.." - wouldn't that be my handiwork??

It's very simple OM. I try to be the little white angel on your shoulder. So long as you post innapropriate posts and allow innapropriate comments, I will be there to try to help you see the light.

If you think I was wrong for pointing out that you allowed the gratuitous "tzitzis nut" comment to be posted, then explain your stance to me. If you think you were not out of line in referring to R' Moshe Shmuell Shapiro ZT'L as sad please explain.

Why do you address other comments that challenge your posts, but when it comes to the comments that point to your personal missteps (not just mine) you get annoyed?

Orthokrum, I have trouble thinking of you as anyone's little white angel. I won't go into details. Suffice it to say I remember some details about someone else that you added to your very first spoof of me on your "blog" that you subsequently edited out. You're no angel.

And you want to know why I address others' criticisms but ignore yours? To borrow a phrase from you, it's very simple. When you set up a blog solely to highlight your weird obsession with my and Krum's so-called missteps, you sort of lost your chance at being taken seriously as an objective commenter.

"Suffice it to say I remember some details about someone else that you added to your very first spoof of me on your "blog" that you subsequently edited out" -----The key is...I edited it out. It got back to me that the person was very upset about the comment. I don't know that person personally, yet I felt that I should do the right thing and delete it. You should take a lesson from that instead of holding it against me.

"When you set up a blog solely to highlight your weird obsession with my and Krum's so-called missteps, you sort of lost your chance at being taken seriously as an objective commenter."That is precisely the point of the blog, mom(of4) It is not an obsession with you or Krum, don't flatter yourself. Your posts moved me to start a commentary on your posts. It wasn't you that was the catalyst, therefore it isn't an obsession with you. I'd be very happy not to feel the need to comment about your silly musings. Unfortunately your blog sees to it that thatwon't happen.

If you think I'm wrong, then instead of telling me about my obsession with you, and how I shouldn't expect to be taken seriously because of it, why don't you explain to me how the above mentioned degrating comments about the above mentioned Rabbanim, were okay. It's olny fair

I feel the same way when I am in the 5 clowns.. I think it is so funny how you all try to one up another on single malt scotch ..oops sorry fine wines your stupid Dolce Gabbana and Chanel (conterfeit) head wraps oh oh and of course the Infinity SUV's yeah yup you 5 towns people are all class...wish I was you!

That is precisely the point of the blog, mom(of4) It is not an obsession with you or Krum, don't flatter yourself. Your posts moved me to start a commentary on your posts. It wasn't you that was the catalyst, therefore it isn't an obsession with you. I'd be very happy not to feel the need to comment about your silly musings. Unfortunately your blog sees to it that thatwon't happen.

Uh, Ok. So your unhealthy obsession isn't with me, it's with my blog, and things that bother you from my comment threads of months ago. That clears things up. Enjoy the Fourth, OrthoKrum. And maybe try to channel some of your obsession to he family over your vacation.

"I want to make a small point--to non-Jews, all Jews look alike. They recognize the chassidim, they can differentiate between the MO and the "Flatbushers", and they know who the Boro Parkers are. To them, they are all Jews. All sects of Jews (usually) conform to their "group". "

ROFL! Kollelmama, it's like you haven't realized that there's a world outside of NYC. Non-Jews really don't care as much about the different divisions of Jews as you do. Really, enough with the self-importance. Anyway, when most non-Jews think of Jews, they think of Reform and Conservative, because those are the Jews who deign to actually engage in the outside world.

And the conformity in your community is way, way, way more than the conformity in an average public school setting. Where there are multiple cliques and multiple options for identity.

As I mentioned, I find your obsession with pointing out two niggling details that you find objectionable from over the period of the past few months to be amusing and more than a bit ironic. You tell me that I should view you as an example - well, considering the comments that I believe you left here under another screenname a few months back (sitemeter tells amazing tales), the thought of you as an angel makes me laugh at loud. Orthokrum...or orthowhoever you feel like being called, you are no example, nor are you an angel. So as I mentioned, it's hard for me to engage you in reasonable discourse. Sorry.

Whatever. Don't engage me, just take my comments to heart (because deep down, whether you like my method or not, I believe you know I'm right in my criticisms) and do the right thing. Hopefully you'll never hear from me again, but that is entirely up to you.

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I grew up in the Five Towns but haven't been back in more than 7 years. But last I remembered, even in 1st and 2nd grade other girls were talking about what they would be wearing to High Holiday services on the first day of school (BTW, those would be the only days they were in temple, other than for a wedding, funeral or bar mitzvah). They were amazed if someone said they were going to wear the same outfit or their moms almost bought the same outfit. If things like that were happening among 6 and 7 year olds 35 years ago in the Five Towns, I am surprised you had to go out of the area to find something that surprised you about the outfits of women in shul.