Monday, April 9, 2012

Strange tips for Next Easter

Welcome back everybody....I trust everyone had a wonderful Easter...I know... I know....What a wonderful holiday..... right?

A special favorite of creepy uncles everywhere?

Well what I wanted to share with you all today is this....You see here at this blog....We know the holidays can be hard on people....Especially Easter...With all that pressure involved in hiding Easter eggs well...Its a lot to handle...And sadly....It seems every year someone can't handle it....

And they kinda half-ass their Easter bunny outfit....

Or far worse..... they don't even try on the Easter egg hunt!!

And just roll a bunch of eggs out on hard flooring???
Come on soccer moms...
That's not even trying!!

Well.... before you get all upset.... And you feel all depressed about your Easter efforts...

And you plan to get all "gesturely vocal"... next year!

Its going to be o.k.I am here to help...I certainly don't want you all to get crazy mad at this bunny inspired holiday next year...

And maybe do something you might regret...
...but towards all bunny's!!!

Just sit back...Yep sit back...And.... Relax.....

Maybe take yourself a Peeps inspired bath???

Cause I have a helpful Easter inspired post for ya...That is guaranteed to help.... next year!!

Cause....I was lazy and didn't get this post out yesterday??I blame the candy and bourbon-coma!!!But whatever...

Anyways...Here it is.....

Top 10 places NOT to hide Easter eggs (I guess next year?)

#10 First off don't hide eggs next year in......

The Garbage Disposal...

Makes sense!!
...... especially when the rooms all dark and you're flipping on light switches !

#9 Also don't hide eggs in ANY Toilet.....

I mean come on thats obvious. Bidets, urinals, or holes in the ground (for my Arkansas readers) they count as well.
Just don't ....

#8 Near the Pool.....

Cause sources tell me.... "that things bout to blow!!!"

#7 Near the backyard bed??? What?

Ya the backyard bed!!!
That place is only for romancin with tha critters!!!!

#6 Don't hide eggs in the shed out back....

You know.... the one with the hornets nest....

Unless of course your kids "bin bad this year!"

Then totally o.k.!!!

#5 No eggs near that one neighbors house....

He just likes to watch the hunt way too much!!!

#4 Near the tree with the poison oak...

.....and all the spiders..... and the snake holes.....
and its on fire..... and somehow it has learned how to shoot guns ....and its ill tempered.
Wait... wait.. this one just jumped the shark ....
totally disregard!

#3 In the pile of all the old Easter eggs....

That are rotting from all the previous Easters ....

...This one is more "hoarder specific!"

#2 Don't hide eggs literally "inside the dog"....

(come on people he ate it .... I would never.. )

And lastly...Sickos...Dont ever...Never....Hide eggs...

#1.... In your pants....

Cause your not foolin anybody!!!

(Though there is one good thing to this hiding spot.)
You wont EVER be asked to hide the family's easter eggs again.

Hiding eggs is a real pain in the ass! Because my wife and I are lazy parents and didn't hide them when the kids went to bed, we had to get up at 5 in the morning and go outside in our pajamas to hide them.

And don't worry, our dogs are too small to stuff eggs up in them. I mean we could if we really wanted to... but like I said, we are lazy!

Wait, that's NOT fooling anyone? Dammit. I tried to do an homage to you and make a picture-narrative for Easter...I failed miserably. Got three pictures in and couldn't come up with a cohesive narrative. I now have a renewed respect for your brilliance, sir.

I don't know which picture was more vomit inducing. I first thought the green water pool... and then I saw the hoarder's house... but the big boy in the tighty whities? I'm all of the sudden not hungry. :)