Comments for XXBlaze https://xxblaze.wordpress.com
The intersection of feminism, gay rights, fat acceptance, and cats
Sun, 13 Jul 2014 06:56:09 +0000
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Comment on Dear Jeebus, what about the men? by fidelbogen https://xxblaze.wordpress.com/2008/09/04/dear-jeebus-what-about-the-men/#comment-2485
Sun, 13 Jul 2014 06:56:09 +0000http://xxblaze.wordpress.com/2008/09/04/dear-jeebus-what-about-the-men/#comment-2485I am surprised that this classic comment thread, with “D” taking all the honors, has not yet been zapped into oblivion. It does not make the feminists look good at all. Thank heavens we have archived it for eternity! ;)
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Comment on On Porn II: Definitions by GXB https://xxblaze.wordpress.com/2011/07/26/on-porn-ii/#comment-2063
Fri, 25 Nov 2011 06:47:26 +0000http://xxblaze.wordpress.com/?p=611#comment-2063Sorry, meant “are you still planning to continue”, and am asking because the two posts are only days apart.
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Comment on On Porn II: Definitions by GXB https://xxblaze.wordpress.com/2011/07/26/on-porn-ii/#comment-2062
Fri, 25 Nov 2011 06:45:22 +0000http://xxblaze.wordpress.com/?p=611#comment-2062I really like this pair of articles. Are you going to continue?
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Comment on On Porn I: Introduction and Disclaimers by RadFemPornBasher https://xxblaze.wordpress.com/2011/07/24/on-porn-i/#comment-2028
Sat, 20 Aug 2011 00:08:38 +0000http://xxblaze.wordpress.com/?p=607#comment-2028I can guarantee you I never, ever, ever allied with Republicans when I was active in the 80’s. Yuck. Makes me want to barf.

Glad to see you’re still around.

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Comment on On Porn I: Introduction and Disclaimers by somebody42 https://xxblaze.wordpress.com/2011/07/24/on-porn-i/#comment-2017
Thu, 28 Jul 2011 01:27:36 +0000http://xxblaze.wordpress.com/?p=607#comment-2017This is exactly the conclusion I came to years ago when reading a lot of sex [industry] positive feminists and anti-feminists. They were talking about porn and sex work in theory. I was thinking about them in practice. (I didn’t and still don’t have the fortitude to engage with them.) This is the first time I’ve encountered this perspective outside my own head (although I’m sure it’s been discussed many times). I’ve read part 2 and look forward to the rest of the series.
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Comment on Porn, or Being a Cowardly Dishonest Douchebag by Jenn https://xxblaze.wordpress.com/2011/07/22/porn-or-being-a-cowardly-dishonest-douchebag/#comment-2016
Wed, 27 Jul 2011 21:36:25 +0000http://xxblaze.wordpress.com/?p=603#comment-2016Perhaps I come from a more conservative background than most, or because I primarily have relationships with women, my assumptions on what is expected by heterosexual “monogamy” are too informed by media representations and not enough by actual heterosexual relationships. Thank you for sharing your experiences and perspectives.

From what I do gather from the absolute shitstorm following the Newsweek article and the various replies, it seems pornography is a very contentious issue for a lot of people in heterosexual monogamous relationships. So perhaps if one wasn’t to assume that viewing pornography or other transactions in the sex industry were de facto cheating, I gather that’s is probably still wise to share expectations of what constitutes monogamy with your partner in an honest and open fashion, and not conceal or lie about certain practices.

Part of what really struck me as odd is that a lot of men were so incredibly offended by the idea that they should abstain from pornography if the woman they are in a relationship with thinks his use of it constitutes cheating or is otherwise offensive. If they really thought about it as so normal as to be something that is irrational to attempt to curtail, why hide it? It’s like they lie about it out of their own disapproval and shame about it, but then blame that disapproval and shame on women.

As usual, I think porn mirrors most gendered sexuality issues: women are responsible for curtailing, critiquing, and approving of male sexuality, which cannot be controlled by men themselves. Any issues men have with their own sexuality must have been caused by women. Since nobody seems ready to discuss women who use porn (and there’s a lot of them!) it’s like when talking about porn, most people assume that women have no sexuality whatsoever, and their own contact with sexuality is in reaction to the uncontainable sexuality of men.

It’s all a bunch of rubbish.

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Comment on Porn, or Being a Cowardly Dishonest Douchebag by aebhel https://xxblaze.wordpress.com/2011/07/22/porn-or-being-a-cowardly-dishonest-douchebag/#comment-2015
Wed, 27 Jul 2011 21:19:30 +0000http://xxblaze.wordpress.com/?p=603#comment-2015I’m not sure I can agree that there is a default assumption that all women in monogamous relationships object to their partner consuming porn (or frequenting strip clubs, etc) unless specified otherwise. I’m a married woman, and I’m friends with quite a few women who are in relationships with varying degrees of monogamy, and the idea that people in monogamous relationships ought not consume porn because it would constitute a sort of cheating is honestly one I’ve never run across IRL. Of course, there are people who do feel that way, but I’m not sure the attitude is so widespread that it should be a default assumption.

That being said, I’m in wholehearted agreement with everything else you said here. If you can’t deal with someone’s expectations for a relationship, don’t be in a relationship with them. Sneaking around and then lying about it is a really shitty way to behave.