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September 16, 2009

WHO DO I LOOK LIKE, THANDIE NEWTON? I DO? SHE'S ALRIGHT.

Yesterday at work we had a very nice little fire drill, and while waiting to go back inside this homeless couple decided to get nude and swim in a nearby water fountain. The woman must have thought she was doing us all a favour because post-show she came around asking for money. You can't blame a gal for trying, but she didn't realize that men don't love tits unconditionally -- there are such things as bad bongos, and although hers weren't the worst, I still didn't want to see them because quite frankly, the homeless aren't sexy. It was like finding a Caramilk bar in the garbage.

I'm going to my first night class this evening (we're talking Tuesday night here), and I know that when I get home I'm going to be too tired to fully recount the experience. To make life easier for me and more entertaining for you, I'm going to give myself some simple fill in the blanks that I'll complete when I get home, thus fulfilling my obligation to provide you with all the latest news, while I get sit around and complain about homework and my "teach" all night.

1. My first impression wasoh yeah, school is like this.

2. The class size is small, or as I like to call it "mimpy"

3. I'm confident that I'll dominate every facet of the class.

4. The bathrooms are surprisingly delightful! Some of the cleanest publics I've ever been in.

5. Next week I'm going to at least bring a juice box.

7. Overall I like the class and the teacher and hopefully it opens cool doors.

If the Internet wasn't so public I'd include ones like "The juiciest rear belonged to..." and "The teacher dresses like...", but I don't want to get into mischief quite yet. If you come over I'll give you the skinny.

On the streetcar I heard these two, late teenage bozos talking and one goes, "You know that scene in 8 Mile where Eminem fucks that chick? He actually fucked her." The magic of film making! Seriously, how could anyone over the age of 13 not know how major motion pictures work? Oh well, what do I care? I got an iPod, a PS3 and I can buy cigarettes and beer whenever.

About a guy

I'm Glenn Macaulay, writer/comedian in Toronto, the jewel of Lake Ontario. If you arrived via Google Image search, welcome, and check out glennmacaulay.com for further self-promotion.
This thing gets updated every time something scary happens to me.