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Thursday, January 31, 2013

There are some couples who have been married for 30 years, while other couples don't even survive the first year. It's difficult to understand. How do some people manage to do it. How can a marriage survive year after year?

What role does luck play in relationships?

While working on revisions to my forthcoming book, Love We Can Be Sure Of (co-authored by my mom), I read through interviews with many women who grew up in divorced homes. Most people acknowledge that growing up in a divorced home can make relationships harder as an adult. My mom and I asked the women we spoke with what they felt they could to make sure their own relationships last. The foundation of our work has always been that even if you grew up in a divorced home, you have the ability to make healthy choices and are not doomed to repeat the mistakes witnessed in your family of origin.

The holidays can sometimes be a difficult time of year when it comes to child custody. Each parent wants to have their child on the actual holiday. One party may want Christmas Eve, while the other party wants Christmas Day. This can make it difficult for one of the parties whom has family out of town. What do you do?

A good rule of thumb is to firm up holiday plans each year by November 1st. Confirm each party is in agreement of what the holidays will look like. In the event, the two of you can't agree contact your lawyer by mid November so there is an opportunity to potentially work things out without the need for a hearing. It's best to enter into an order so that each year the holiday schedule will already be in place.

In most instances one parent will have Christmas Eve and one parent will have Christmas Day. Perhaps you may want to agree to an alternating schedule with one parent having both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day one year and the other parent having both the following year. This will enable travel plans with your child to happen, etc.. On the off year you can celebrate the holiday with your child on a different day. I don't know many children that would mind having a second Christmas.

Because children are always growing and changing, no parenting schedule will work forever. Instead, you should think of your parenting plan as something that fluctuates and changes with your child.
It's easy to feel as though your parenting time visitation schedule is set in stone - after all, a judge ordered it. However, almost all parenting plans state right in them that they can be changed upon agreement of the parties. Even if your order or judgment does not directly state this, judges WANT parents to take control of their lives and reach agreements on their own outside of court. If they didn't, the courts would be so clogged no one could access them.

Divorce stinks. Don’t get me wrong. The excruciating pain of leaving your child on Mom’s doorstep, of missing holidays and first steps, of having to schedule visitation are nothing to sign up for unless there is no other choice. My divorce involved the kind of pain that makes you think walking in front of a train would be a piece of cake if not for your responsibilities. But buried deep within that pain is a silver lining — a motivation, an aspiration, a hands-on learning — that “normal” dads don’t get.
My son was 6 months old and my daughter was 2 when I moved into a furnished rental with shag rugs, the permanent smell of Chinese food and a commanding view, through cracked Plexiglas, of Route 95 in Providence, R.I. My time with Kerry and Seamus was limited to trips to McDonald’s and a walk across the highway to Federal Hill for pizza a couple of times a week. But even that was progress. I had been an absent dad up until that point, working nonstop. And when I wasn’t working, I was drinking and getting into trouble. I was 31 going on about 14.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

If you're thinking about getting a divorce, or if you are going through one, or if -- like me -- you've been divorced for some time, you might think of it as a tragic life event. Death, even.

You probably never thought this would happen. Certainly it was the last thing on your mind when you were saying yes to the dress, choosing a band, and mapping out seating charts. Your happily-ever-after came to a screeching halt in the offices of Dewey, Cheatem & Howe, and your mother is telling you she told you so. How did I get here, you're asking yourself.

No matter how difficult things get it is important to never pour your negative feelings toward your ex over to your children. It is unhealthy for a child to be placed in the middle or have to hear how awful the other parent is. Save the venting for your friends and for when the children are not present.

Talking negatively about your ex has lasting effects on your children. How do I know? I have been collecting stories from children and adult children of divorce for three years now. I am writing a book to end bitter divorce battles. My hope is if I show the lasting damage from a child's perspective, it might somehow sink in and stop the nasty behavior. This isn't psycho babble: here are four real life stories.

A dissolution is one of the most stressful events a person can go through. The stress can take a huge toll on one's well being. It is critical during this time to pay special attention to your needs and take care of yourself. It is important to practice self love.

Self-love is about knowing and honoring your needs, wants and wishes. It’s about understanding your inner world, including your thoughts and feelings. It’s about being kind and compassionate with yourself. Self-love is a spirit you carry, and apply to everything in your life. It is a daily practice consisting of nourishing and joyful activities. Here are eight ideas for practicing self-love in the New Year.

Going through a divorce is tough. Trying to juggle the kids, your job and the many life changes thrown at you at once can be difficult. Parents can often times be too hard on themselves. On occassion it is ok to lighten up and break a few rules. When it comes to parenting, many of us often lament how we wish
the job came with a rule book. Wouldn't it be nice if all you
had to do was follow a set of rules, and you'd automatically produce nice,
loving, productive members of society?
Unfortunately
the gig isn't quite that simple. Sure, there are "rules" that are just
understood, or passed down from generation to generation as to what "good
parents" are supposed to do. But even those aren't right in every situation, and
as the saying goes, "rules are meant to be broken." Here are 10
parenting rules every mom should break at some point.To continue viewing this article on the cafe stir please click the link provided below:http://thestir.cafemom.com/big_kid/150306/10_parenting_rules_all_moms
For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/
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You know your friend is having marital problems, however as usual you anticipate things will work out. They always do. The phone rings and your friend is crying. It seems this time things will not work out. Their partner has said they want a divorce.

When a friend is going through divorce or a tough breakup, it's important to show your support.

But what, exactly, should you say? Is it overbearing to say "I know how you feel"? Should you come armed with Kleenex, sit back and let them do all the talking?

Monday, January 28, 2013

If you're among the one-third of Americans who have divorced, you're likely bearing deep emotional wounds.

Even if you're escaping a terrible situation, the effects of divorce can be devastating. Is there any hope for healing? Psychologist Thomas Whiteman, co-author of Starting Over (with Randy Petersen, Piñon Press, 2001) identifies six stages of divorce recovery. We've expanded the stages, adding some suggestions for moving through them. As you complete each stage, you'll be one step closer to recovery.

Birds chirped outside the window in the branches of the flowering locust tree. Spring hung in the air but not in my heart. I sat in the second row of the classroom watching my oldest daughter, 5-year-old Ashley, file into the room with the other students dressed for their preschool graduation.

The ceremony began. I scarcely heard a word, however, as I watched my child and wondered how the events of the previous 18 months would affect her. Her dad had left our home when Ashley was 3, her sister, Courtney, was 1 and I was pregnant with her brother, Clint. My mind retraced the events. Afraid to face what lay ahead on my own, I had surrendered my life to Christ. I prayed, "I give You not just this situation, but I give You my whole life."

The thought of your partner being unfaithful is nearly unbearable. Often times if one's heart tells them their partner is cheating, they likely are correct. It is difficult to know for sure, however there are some things to watch out for that may confirm the belief that your partner is not being faithful to you.

Your partner seems to lose interest in you and lacks affection

You notice your partner has become lazy around the house

Work habits suddenly change (longer hours, unexplained trips)

Becomes overly conscious of his appearance

Unusual charges found on credit-card statements

Unfamiliar calls of a long duration on cell bill

Spends an unusual amount of time on the Internet (especially while you are sleeping)

Starts using a new e-mail account

Begins deleting web-browsing history

Mileage on car is higher than it should be

Your partner frequently inquires about your schedule

Carrying more cash around than usual

Buys Viagra, Levitra, or Cialis

You receive a sexually transmitted disease

These are some of the suspicious trademarks of an affair. The most reliable indicator that your partner may be cheating is by paying attention to your intuition. If you believe your partner is cheating you are probably correct.

Ending a relationship is difficult in itself. However, having to end a destructive relationship is even more difficult. Sometimes there are no last words or goodbyes. A restraining order can prevent the two of you from speaking. It is necessary to remember to stay in the moment when moments of weakness arise and you wish to contact the other party.Even though you have committed to staying away from this person there will be times when you want to break your commitment. You may get the urge to make contact because you felt a twinge of sorrow or loneliness or lost interest in an activity. Maybe you have a flashback of a pleasant memory; or something you or someone else did or said, reminds you of your ex-partner. Think about whatever idea comes to mind for a couple of minutes then let it go. Continue with what you’re doing in the present.To continue viewing this article by Penny L. Haider please click below:http://www.divorcemag.com/articles/Relationships/avoid_impulsive.htmlFor more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/
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Friday, January 25, 2013

Feeling or labeling yourself a victim of your divorce is one of the most
disastrous moves you can make. It will prevent you from moving forward into a
new life. Victimhood renders you powerless. To create a new life after your
divorce takes a person who is fully responsible for their past, present and
future. Being responsible means having control over one’s life and that is what
it takes to both recover from the emotional wounds of a divorce as well as plan
for your new life.

If you consider yourself a victim then you believe
that you had little to do with what happened to you. You take no
responsibility. The responsibility is someone else’s and that leaves you with
no power. Victims blame someone else. Blame absolves them of their part in the
dissolution of their marriage. Blame keeps them stuck in the pain of the past
and their divorce.
To continue viewing this article written by Shelley Stile, please click the link below:http://www.divorce-articles.com/recovery.shtml

Recovery from divorce is hard. The good news is YOU CAN DO IT. In fact, with some focused effort and a little help, you can recover from divorce faster than you ever thought possible.
Making a successful recovery from divorce requires both insight and action. The following tips highlight the most important insights and actions necessary.

TIP #1 - YOU'RE NOT UNUSUAL - YOU ARE NOT ALONEStatistically, there are a lot of us. 40% of first marriages and 60% of all remarriages eventually end in divorce. Emotionally, everyone is pretty much in the same boat. Ambivalence rules the day. Roller coasters are the preferred method of emotional transport. Realistically, anyone you know whose has gone through, or is going through a divorce, can identify with the reactions you are having. You are not alone.

All situations are different, however in most cases one of the parties to a dissolution is very angry with the other. Harboring the anger puts the saddened partner on constant edge. The anger then can carry through to your day to day activities and negatively effect your interaction with your children, colleagues and friends. It’s essential that you forgive your ex-spouse. Why? Because as long as you hold the grudge, it holds you back. When you hold a grudge against someone, when you refuse to forgive him or her, you have this invisible connection with him or her. It continues to give them power over you.To continue viewing this article by Len Stauffenger please click below:ttp://www.divorcemag.com/articles/Divorce_Recovery/forgiveness-after-divorce.htmlFor more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/
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When you are newly single it may take some time, however eventually you will wade through the pain and want to get out and spend time with other adults and/or begin dating again.

Many newly divorced have a quandary about dating and the children.
It seems that some become super mama(or Disney land Daddy) and "the
children" become "everything" in their lives.
They will tell you the reason they haven't been getting out is on
account of "the children." This "sacrifice" is no benefit to the mother or the
children's welfare, either one.
Others have such a dire need to be with other adults that their
children become low on the priority totem pole.Particularly when they
are in what is known as the "running" stage.
Fortunately this stage only lasts a short time.To continue viewing this article by Harlan Jacobsen please click the link below:http://www.divorcerecovery101.com/kids_part3.html
For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/
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Thursday, January 24, 2013

When it comes to single parenting and healthy inexpensive meals, there is but one mantra: “The crock-pot is my friend, the crock-pot is my friend…” With a long day at work behind you and helping-with-homework ahead, single parents need an inexpensive no-brainer meal for supper—preferably one that has magically cooked itself and is ready to serve when you enter your home.Healthy Slow Cooked Meals for Single Parent Families
If you’ve made it through breakfast and lunchbox preparations, slain dragons at work, yet still have homework to face; preparing a nutritious supper quickly and inexpensively begins to sound like a tall order—if not an impossibility. Enter the crock pot.
If you don’t own a slow cooker, buy a nice large one immediately. If you do own a slow cooker, pull it out of hiding and dust it off—then consider buying one or two more!

It's a given that once the divorce is final or maybe even prior to, one of you will end up in a new relationship. Soon after the divorce is complete one of you may even marry. Often times the new partner has children as well. This can prove tricky when trying to parent with both your new partner and their former partner.

There are so many complications with blended families. In many families, one complication is the intense dislike that seems to exist right from the start between mom and step mom. There are a multitude of reasons behind this dislike, but some of them can be avoided.

As an ex-wife and mom of two, there are a few insights I can provide to a new wife that will help her out a bit. You're his wife, not my friend. It's pretty common for a new wife to feel like she should be friends with her husband's ex-wife, typically because she thinks it will make things better for her husband or for the children involved. The truth is, most ex-wives aren't really interested in being friends with you.

To continue viewing this article by Wendy Miller please click the link below:

The Law Office of Renee Marcelle has successfully assisted clients in resolving their disputes over pets in connection with their dissolution. In some instances the pet has been awarded to a particular party and in other instances the parties shall custody of the pet, which each party having visitation.Custody of children is a hotly contested issue in many divorces, but many divorces also involve a heated debate about the custody of small furry children as well. Pets are like children to many people and the thought of no longer living with or seeing a beloved dog or cat (or other animal) can be very upsetting.To continue viewing this article by Brette Sember please click the link below:http://www.womansdivorce.com/pet-custody.html
For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/
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Your
husband is found at fault for rear-ending a soccer mom on his way to rob a bank
for the purpose of donating money to his favorite crime fighting charity -
after which he intended to buy groceries - causing her significant injuries.
Your husband acknowledged he was at fault, voluntarily explained his
intentions, and pursuant to a settlement agreed to pay her tens of thousands of
dollars. Months before the accident your husband inherited a quarter million
dollars from his mother, more than enough to satisfy his obligation to the
soccer mom (not to mention the charity). He, however, wants to use the funds
sitting in your joint account, which contains both of your marital earnings.
Can he?

The answer depends on whether he is found to have been performing an activity
to benefit the community when he caused the accident. If he was, then his tort
liability must be satisfied first from your community property (your joint
account), and then, to the extent the community assets are insufficient, his
separate property (his inheritance). The order of satisfaction is reversed if
he was not found to have been performing an activity to benefit the community:
his separate property would be targeted first, and then the community estate to
the extent his separate property was insufficient, which in this case it would
not be.

Whether someone was performing an activity for the benefit of the community is
determined on a case by case basis, but ordinarily intentional or criminal
misconduct (such as attempting to rob a bank) and gross negligence is not
considered an activity that benefits the community. Here, despite the fact that
your husband was thoughtful enough to make a trip to the supermarket (to buy
groceries to benefit the community), he first intended to commit a felony,
which of course would not benefit the community. Fortunately for you, this
means your assets are protected.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Parents who are in a separation or divorce process often feel understandable feelings of overwhelm and trepidation about telling their children what is happening. Still, children greatly benefit when they receive accurate and clear information; without facts, they may answer their own questions and fill the void with inaccuracies and assumptions.

Each family’s conversation will be unique and individual. However, there are some general tips that will apply to all families preparing for this dialogue. Here are some of them:

1. Plan the conversation in advance and decide which parent will say what in the conversation.

2. Have the conversation together so both parents are presenting the same information and children do not feel caught in the middle.

Research on families of divorce suggest that there are primarily three styles
of parenting for families after a divorce: cooperative, conflicted, or
disengaged. Cooperative parenting is the style used by families in which
conflict is low and parents can effectively communicate about their child. If
you determine that your level of conflict is low, you and the other parent will
probably be able to talk about your child’s needs in a healthy way. You will
probably agree on most parenting values, be relatively consistent in your
parenting styles, and have few arguments about your child’s life. You will
rarely put your child in the middle, and you will solve differences peacefully.
Research shows that children of divorce fare best when parents can be
cooperative in their parenting. If you fall in this category, you should feel
good about yourselves and know that you are helping your child immensely. There
are many good books on cooperative parenting designed to help parents do a more
effective job.
This book focuses on those parents who are in conflict and argue a lot or
need to disengage in their parenting. Even if you can sometimes parent
cooperatively, you find it to be difficult and are in conflict too much of the
time. Conflicted parenting is the worst for children, who are often in the
middle of the conflicts. Your children will adjust to your divorce easier if you
can avoid conflicted parenting. Psychological issues that lead to conflicted
parenting are many, and may include:

continuation of hostility that began during the marriage

differing perceptions of pre-separation child-rearing roles

differing perceptions of post-separation child-rearing roles

differing perceptions of how to parent

concern about the adequacy of the other parent’s parenting ability

an unwillingness of one or both parents to accept the end of the
relationship

It’s true. Research shows that half of all couples will experience infidelity in their relationship. Reasons for affairs are many and complicated and outside the full scope of this article. But there are many common factors that can contribute to affairs, and many ways to recover your relationship after an affair. (For poly or open couples, consider an affair to be the bringing in of a third party without mutual consent.)

What Creates Fertile Grounds for Affairs?

Just like a garden, relationships need to be nurtured and tended. All too often, the garden of our relationship is left unattended; weeds grow and plants die due to lack of water and sun (i.e., care and attention). It is all too easy, especially in child-centered families, for partners to focus on the practicalities of child care to the exclusion of their relationship.
Parents be warned: The seeds for a future affair can all too easily be sown in the early stages of starting a family. Neglecting your partner and your relationship for the sake of the children does not create a happy family. It creates emotional instability, especially if you or your partner start looking to fulfill your emotional needs outside the relationship. Make sure to devote some time to your relationship, too. Your children will be happier and more secure if they see parents who have a strong, loving bond, even if this means the kids don’t always get to come first.

Relationships don’t always work out the way we want. Sometimes relationships become so painful that somebody wants to leave. If this happens to you, and if you want the other person to stay, how you handle yourself now becomes very important. Usually we push the person further away. If you want someone to stay, you need to create an environment where the person will want to be with you. So far you haven’t done this. If you had, the person wouldn’t want to leave. Now maybe you can turn your relationship around and get back together. It’s been done before. Maybe your time together is over and nothing can be done. Maybe it’s just too late. One thing is for sure, you can’t force someone to want you. All you can do is treat the person in a way that will have him or her enjoy being with you.
The key to having someone enjoy being with you is to make sure the person feels special. You do this in two ways:

- Make sure the person feels loved, accepted and appreciated just the way he or she is.

- Give the person his or her freedom. Be willing for the person to be gone tomorrow.

The more you are willing for someone to go, the more you create an environment where he or she can enjoy being with you. This in turn increases the chances of the person wanting to stay. When you hang on to someone, you do the opposite. You create an environment where the person feels controlled and suffocated. You force the person to fight for breathing room. You push the person away. Just look at how you feel when someone tries to control you. Hanging on doesn’t make someone want to stay. Hanging on makes the person want to leave. Hanging on also destroys your aliveness and mental well-being. You become consumed by fear and upset. You get tunnel vision and you interact in a way that makes your situation worse. So, for the sake of your relationship and your sanity, let the person go. Stop hanging on.

The key to resolving issues without conflict is to stop being a threat to the other person. Be committed to finding solutions that are fair and that work for everyone. When someone is committed to everyone’s well-being, the adversarial process stops. How can you fight someone that’s on your side.

As a matter of physics, adversariness requires two opposing forces. When one force is removed, the adversariness disappears. It takes two people to maintain the adversarial process. It only takes one person to end it. As soon as you draw sides against someone, the adversarial process begins. So don’t draw sides. Keep your focus on finding solutions that work for everyone. When you are looking out for the other person, you become far more effective. You can discover the other person’s fears and concerns. You can look beyond what the person is asking and see what the person needs. You can discover solutions.

The real issue behind most child custody cases is the fear of losing the children. When you can insure easy access and broad visitation, the need to fight for custody usually disappears. If the issue is child support or alimony, you can usually find out what the court would award and agree to that. Sometimes a good mediator can be helpful. Whatever the issue, there is a way to resolve it. Sometimes you find the solution fast. Sometimes it takes a little longer. Just don’t quit. Sooner or later the solutions will come.

As a practicing divorce attorney and divorce mediator, I've met a number of couples that, if they had been given some good advice (and had remembered that advice) a few years or even months earlier, they would not be divorcing. The following advice is based on my observations as a divorce attorney, a mediator/conflict resolver, and as an experienced, mature married person.

1. Think before you speak

People in marriages tend to have very "hot" buttons causing frequent arguments. One reason for this is that the boundaries that exist at the workplace or with friends and relatives do not exist in a marriage. Much of marital bickering can be lessened or mitigated if you wait before you respond to something that has made you angry. If you think for even five seconds before you respond, the amount of marital bickering will be greatly reduced. It may be better to discuss the difficult issue on another day when the emotions are not so high. You can broach the topic (at that later time) by saying, "Dear, I have some unfinished business to discuss with you. May we discuss it now?"

2. Don't give up

If you ask any married person, he or she will tell you that marriages wax and wane. There are good times, bad times, and even middle times. A marriage is viable if the good outweighs the bad, even by a little bit. Appreciate the good and try to let the bad roll off of you like water from a duck. The more you stick to it, the easier it will get and the more fondness and connection you will feel towards your spouse. You will also feel good about yourself, because you worked very hard to achieve something of value.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

What are the positive aspects of divorce? We all know the painful parts of divorce but there are definite gifts that come with a divorce. It is hard to see those gifts in the early stages of divorce recovery but they are there waiting to emerge. Just ask anyone who has gone on to create a new life after divorce and they will tell you how much they have grown and come into their own now that their divorce is behind her.

13 pro’s of divorce

A home that is not filled with constant tension and anxiety.

Deep lessons and wisdom that have resulted in personal growth with new found confidence and self-esteem.

A new sense of self with a reconnection to your strengths and talents.

The special knowledge and strength that comes with having survived a major life transition.

A new life that is centered on what is important to you, to what you value.

The clarification of your passions and the ability to create a life based on those passions.

The realization that a crisis in life creates an opening for change, change that you wanted but were afraid to pursue.

A new career.

The freedom to do what you want when you want to do it.

Better relationships with your children.

The healing of old emotional wounds that emerge during divorce which gives you a new found freedom.

If your marriage has been a guise for a long time, and you are more concerned about keeping up appearances than about the happiness of your wife, then here is an article that will help you out a little. Telling your wife you want a divorce can never be a pleasant thing, nor can it be sugar-coated. Here are a few things to keep in mind before and while breaking the news to your wife.

Divorce can devastate or divorce can free, depending on the type of marriage that you have. If you are trapped in a loveless marriage where both you and your wife are pretty much aware of the situation, but are still in it for the sake of the kids or something else, it can really stretch your patience and the ability to be civil to each other. On the other hand, it may be the case that you are in love with your wife, but she is not, or the other way round. Or that you both still, really love each other, but the years of fighting have put layer upon hurtful layers on your love, till you've forgotten that it is even there. How did you arrive at the decision of wanting a divorce? Are you too tired of fighting and not being able to resolve the issues? Are you too lazy to try to work the magic back into your marriage? Or have you reached a point where you are indifferent towards your wife or maybe cannot even stand her?

Once the discovery process is complete, each lawyer will use legal precedent to construct an argument about what his or her client is entitled to. Then a trial will take place, during which the lawyers will present the judge, master, referee, or other person hearing the case with information favorable to their argument. This information is presented in the form of witness testimony focusing on whatever the lawyers decide to focus on. This is called putting on a case.

The trial may not take place for a year or more after a divorce case is filed in court. Before the trial, numerous shorter court proceedings, called hearings, may take place. The purpose of these hearings is to resolve emergency issues such as where the children will live pending the results of the trial. Hearings will also be held to address legal issues that arise during the course of trial preparation. For example, suppose your lawyer has sent the other side thirty questions to answer under oath, but the questions have been ignored because the other side claims that the questions are improper. If your lawyer requests it, the court may hold a hearing to determine whether the other side should be compelled to answer the questions.

The trial itself will proceed in front of a judge, master, magistrate, or other hearing officer and will begin with each lawyer making an opening statement regarding what he or she intends to prove. Usually the lawyer for the person who filed for the divorce makes the first opening statement. Be prepared for the opening statement by your spouse’s lawyer to include disparaging, insulting, and untrue statements about things such as your honesty, moral character, earning capacity, income, assets, and fitness as a parent.

You are newly single after your divore and find yourself back in the dating game. There are a few bad habits which can affect you being asked out again in the future.Sure, we're all guilty of having bad habits. But there are some that can seriously mess with your dating life-without you even realizing it. Experts swear these little moves give off the signal that you're just not that into a guy…even when you totally are.

1. Checking Your Phone It's become sort of the norm to hand-hug your phone when out. Ah, gotta Instagram that meal. But when you're on a date, don't do it. It lets him think that he doesn't have your attention and that you're just not into him.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Whether you and your spouse have arrived at a decision to get divorced with mutual consent or if it is the result of months of bitter contention, bickering and the expensive decision to lawyer up to fight your "unreasonable" spouse, you need to get your act together in front of the judge. A divorcing couple is undoubtedly in the middle of an emotional turmoil rising out of feelings of possible separation from kids, loneliness, financial uncertainty and a general sense of alarm and anxiety about what the future has in store. However, if you let these emotions get the better of you during the divorce trial, you may well be giving your soon-to-be ex-spouse a reason to smile his/her way to a favorable judgment.

It is crucial to know how to behave in court during a divorce so that you increase your chances of making a good impression. Let's look at some examples of wild theatrics that are known to be displayed in a courtroom, which you must avoid at all costs. You'll note that most of this behavior is carried forward from the demeanor that a couple has become quite used to, when in the company of each other over the last few months leading up to the divorce.

Once two people fall in love, the love is there to stay. You can’t push it away even if you wanted to. The excitement and thrill of a relationship may fade but not the love. The love just gets buried by all the upset. We can’t see it because of all the anger and hurt. Love is what makes a difficult relationship so painful. If some stranger rejected you or put you down, you wouldn’t be so upset. When the rejection comes from someone you love, it hurts. People can love each other and still have a lousy relationship. Some people will fight and get on each other’s nerves forever. Some people do cruel things to each other. This doesn’t mean there’s no love.

Now this doesn’t make sense. How can you love someone and want a divorce? How can you love someone when you want to have the person shot at sunrise? We’ve been taught all these rules about love. When our actions don’t match these rules, we invalidate the love that’s there. So don’t listen to what you have been taught. Don’t look in your head for the love. Look in your heart. Look under the hurt, the anger and the frustration. You will see the love if you want to. The love is there. It is totally separate from your actions and your feelings. Allow yourself to see how much you still love the other person. Let go of your dreams for how it could have been. Allow the loss. Allow the sadness. Allow the hurt.

Your first serious relationship after divorce can be like a breath of fresh air. After going through all the negativity prior to your divorce (not to mention what happened during the divorce), it's easy for a woman to lose faith in the male gender. Eventually, the hurt eases and you begin to notice your surroundings, maybe even begin to think about dating again. During this phase, you may meet someone special who makes you feel valued and important. While it may be scary, enjoy your first relationship after divorce. It can help in healing your heart. Below is an article that discusses finding love after divorce.

DIVORCED WOMEN AND THEIR TRANSITIONAL SEX PARTNERS

One of the most important steps in rebuilding your life after divorce is to start dating. It'll be hard, but the sooner you starting dating, the easier it will be for you to regain your emotional well-being.

Are you having a tough time making ends meet now that you're single? Going through a divorce, regardless of which party instituted it, is a difficult thing for any person to go through. There are so many adjustments and your whole lifestyle has dramatically changed. Not only has your living situation changed, but if you are like a majority of those going through a divorce, your financial situation has changed as well. Regardless of whether you receive a lump-sum alimony payment, monthly alimony payments, and/or child support payments, your income level has been drastically reduced. No payment received will ever compensate for the loss of that other salary.
Despite these financial changes, you are expected to maintain the lifestyle you had with your mate. You will still have a rent or mortgage payment, still have utility bills, a car payment, insurance payments, child care expenses, and all those bills you paid as a couple. How does one survive? The truth of the matter is most people don't. They are barely keeping their heads above water and still trying to maintain a household.

The ability to effectively co-parent is essential when going through a dissolution. It is in the best interest of both the parties and their children for everyone to get along. The children lead happier, successful lives when they see everyone interacting positively. Our office often works with Dr. Sheryl Hausman and Dr. Federica Conrad. Dr. Hausman and Dr. Conrad teach Next Step Coparenting 101 here in Marin. Parents gain valuable information and tools to help them succeed in their new journey of shared parenting in two separate households.

Research
and our clinical experience tell us that most children experience distress for
the

first
year or two following parental separation. Although sadness, anxiety, anger,

resentment,
confusion, loyalty conflicts, guilt, and somatic symptoms are common during

children’s
adjustment to the separation of their parents, long-term outcomes for children

are
more variable. Long-term outcomes for children are related to the parent’s
ability to

provide
protective factors for the child, such as being able to renegotiate the
parental

relationship,
encapsulate or shield the child from parental conflict, maintain a healthy

parent-child
relationship, and engage in effective parenting. These protective factors

provided
by the parent, foster a sense of safety in the child that promotes resilience
and

When Max Sindell was a kid, adults inundated him with books about how to cope
with divorce. He remembers one: "The Dinosaurs Divorce," about Mommy and Daddy
Dinosaur ending their marriage.

"The (books) were all doom and gloom," says Sindell, whose parents - Kimberly
Brody and Gerald Sindell, both of Tiburon - divorced when he was 6.
But Max Sindell, now 22, says his experience wasn't bad at all. He got a lot
of good things from the divorce.
To prove it and to help other kids in his shoes, Sindell, now a resident of
Brooklyn, has written a book, "The Bright Side: Surviving Your Parents Divorce."
"It's kind of a guidebook," he says. To continue viewing this article by Beth Ashley click below; http://www.marinij.com/lifestyles/ci_7571730

Monday, January 14, 2013

Our office has been
successful in San Francisco Bay area courts requiring smokers to not smoke in
their vehicles and not smoke in their homes, or on their decks when children
are in the care of a smoker. Clearly, the modeling that goes on when a parent
chooses to smoke while raising children is counter intuitive. It sends the
lesson that I do not care about my health, my children’s health or that of
others who may breathe my second hand smoke. It sends the false message that
the dangers of it are not going to happen to me. It may send the message that
it is necessary to relax or be cool. It provides opportunities for children’s
access to harmful addictive tobacco.

Secondhand smoke, also called environmental tobacco smoke (ETS), can have an impact on child custody decisions. The possible consequences of parental smoking in a custody case can range from termination of parental rights or a change of custody and restrictions on visitation to the smoking parent receiving custody with smoking restrictions and a requirement for follow up reports to the court.

First, here are a few facts about secondhand smoke that courts have already taken judicial notice of.

Secondhand smoke consists of mainstream smoke exhaled from a smoker's lungs and sidestream smoke that comes directly from the burning tobacco.

Secondhand smoke comes from all tobacco products, including pipe tobacco and cigars.

Secondhand smoke is a Class A carcinogen. That puts it in a class with 15 other substances, including asbestos, radon and benzene, that are known to cause cancer in human beings.

Secondhand smoke contains 4,000 substances with more than 40 of them known to cause cancer and many of them known to be strong irritants to human tissues and organs. Examples of these substances are: carbon monoxide (CO), ammonia, nicotine, hydrogen cyanide, benzo[a]pyrene, dimethylnitrosamine, tar, formaldehyde, and beta-naphthylamine.

The chemicals in secondhand smoke damage cell DNA.

Here are a few facts about how involuntary smoking, or passive smoking, effects children:

Children, especially infants and toddlers, exposed to secondhand smoke have more lower respiratory infections, such as bronchitis and pneumonia, and are more likely to be hospitalized during the first two years of their lives for a serious lung problem.

We seldom notice the love that’s present in painful relationships.
Once two people fall in love, the love is there to stay. You can’t push it away even if you wanted to. The excitement and thrill of a relationship may fade but not the love. The love just gets buried by all the upset. We can’t see it because of all the anger and hurt. Love is what makes a difficult relationship so painful. If some stranger rejected you or put you down, you wouldn’t be so upset. When the rejection comes from someone you love, it hurts. People can love each other and still have a lousy relationship. Some people will fight and get on each other’s nerves forever. Some people do cruel things to each other. This doesn’t mean there’s no love.

Now this doesn’t make sense. How can you love someone and want a divorce? How can you love someone when you want to have the person shot at sunrise? We’ve been taught all these rules about love. When our actions don’t match these rules, we invalidate the love that’s there. So don’t listen to what you have been taught. Don’t look in your head for the love. Look in your heart. Look under the hurt, the anger and the frustration. You will see the love if you want to. The love is there. It is totally separate from your actions and your feelings. Allow yourself to see how much you still love the other person. Let go of your dreams for how it could have been. Allow the loss. Allow the sadness. Allow the hurt.

As you allow yourself to feel your hurt, the hurt loses power and begins to dissolve. When you fight and resist your hurt, the hurt turns into pain and seems to last forever. Little children are masters at releasing hurt. This is because they are totally willing to feel their emotions. When they feel hurt, they cry. When they finish crying, their hurt disappears. They bounce right back as though nothing had ever happened. So be like a child. Be willing to feel your hurt. Cry if you can. It’s okay. Allow yourself to feel your hurt and notice the love that’s there.

The moment you let go, everything seems to change. With the fear and upset gone, you see your situation very differently. You become creative and discover solutions you could never have seen before. You become naturally effective.

To let go, you need to be willing for your life to be however it is. You do this by granting permission. "I am willing to lose my job." "I give you full permission to be the way that you are." "I am willing to lose you." You don’t have to like your situation, just give it permission to be the way it is and the way it may become. Let go of your demands and expectations for how you believe life should be and make peace with the way your life is. Set yourself free inside. Then take whatever action is necessary to handle your situation.

Keep in mind that letting go is a state of mind and has nothing to do with your actions. Letting go is what removes the fear and upset so you can see what action you need to take. To make the process of letting go a little easier, there are a couple of steps you can take. The first step is trusting. Trust that no matter what happens, you will be okay. This doesn’t necessarily mean that life will turn out the way you want. Life often doesn’t. Trust is knowing that however life turns out, you will be fine. When you know that you will be fine, letting go becomes relatively easy. You can then let go, you restore your effectiveness, and life works out great. This then reinforces the trust.

When you don’t trust, letting go becomes very difficult. You fight, resist and hang on. You then make everything worse, which reinforces "don’t trust." Trust is actually a choice. Trust is something you create. It’s a declaration. "I will be okay no matter what happens. I trust, just because I say so." Trust is also telling the truth. You really will be fine no matter what happens. Life is only threatening when you resist. Look at your life. Have you ever had a situation that you didn’t survive? Of course not. You have survived everything. The times in your life that you considered tough only seemed that way because you were resisting. So stop resisting and trust. Trust that no matter what happens, you will be fine.

Friday, January 11, 2013

One of the most important skills a parent can possess is being a good listener. While it sounds pretty simple in theory, many parents (regardless of marital status I might add) have a difficult time putting it into practice.

To become a better listener for your children try the following:

Give children your full attention when they are talking to you.

This means turn off the TV or stop putting away the groceries. Sit down and make eye-to-eye contact with your child. If you can't stop what you are doing, let your child know what they have to say is very important to you. Then arrange a time with your children when you can give them all of your attention. I recommend asking children to wait minutes not hours.

Probably one of the most frequently asked questions over the last two decades about family life has been, "Is divorce harmful to children?" Although this may seem like a very important question, I would suggest that it is time to examine a more important question which is-- "what are the factors in divorcing families that contribute to children having difficulties and what are the factors that foster children's adaptation?" In this paper I will review several explanations for why children have difficulty and the scientific evidence regarding these factors.

Since there is so much discussion of the effects of divorce on children, I want to begin by addressing whether there are really any differences between children who live in divorced families and children who live in married two-parent families (I will call them "intact."). In 1991 Amato and Keith examined the results of 92 studies involving 13,000 children ranging from preschool to young adulthood to determine what the overall results indicated. The overall result of this analysis was that children from divorced families are on "average" somewhat worse off than children who have lived in intact families. These children have more difficulty in school, more behavior problems, more negative self-concepts, more problems with peers, and more trouble getting along with their parents. A more recent update of the findings indicates that this pattern continues in more recent research (Amato, 2001).

About Me

Renee Marcelle has practiced law since 1983. Renee was admitted to practice law in Virginia in 1983 and California in 1988.
Prior to starting her practice in family law and dissolution, Renee was a seasoned corporate lawyer and real-estate professional. This background enables her to synthesize her knowledge of corporate law, mortgage banking, finance, and real-estate development, into family law.
Experience in the practice of law is crucial to the success of a client’s case, but in addition to Renee’s outstanding experience, she also has strong negotiation skills, extensive financing abilities, and she possesses an understanding of business valuation models, all of which applies to various aspects of family law and dissolution.
Renee’s extensive skills and twenty-five years of experience allow her to be specifically effective in representing professionals, executives, business owners, and high income individuals whom often have special challenges during dissolution.
Renee provides clients the high level of expertise that they deserve.

Dawn Miller: Paralegal/ Office Manager

Dawn Miller has been a Legal Assistant and the Office Manager for the Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle since July of 2004. She maintains a high level of client contact assisting in all aspects of preparing a case; beginning with the initial filing of documents through the date of trial, including discovery requests, expert review and analyzation of discovery responses and fact investigation, thereby saving the client money. Dawn has worked in the area of family law since 1993, upon her graduation from the Legal Secretary Program at Empire College of Law. Dawn especially enjoys her job at the Law Offices of Renee Marcelle and hopes to continue providing a high level of service to the firm and it's clientele for many years to come.