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2011: Stories That Changed the Way We Parent Now

If there’s yet been a year without a full slate of news stories that change the way I think about myself as a parent, it must have predated my time in that role. This year had more to offer in that respect than most of us wanted. Parenting-related topics led Facebook’s most-shared list. There were thousands of articles about family published in 2011. You may feel as if you read them all — but how many really changed you?

The important articles made us confront the way we do things, the way we think about things and sometimes even who we are, with our families and everywhere else. Here, in no particular order, are the five subjects from 2011 that I’m still thinking about (and may still be thinking about when we revisit this topic 12 months from now).

Tiger Mother Amy Chua 2011 began with an opening salvo from Ms. Chua, the author of “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother,” in The Wall Street Journal: “Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior.” Her “superior” methods, which included calling a child “garbage” and threatening both daughters with the loss of their toys if they failed to practice their musical instruments, brought forth a backlash of commentary. Lisa Belkin, writing here at Motherlode, called her methods “downright mean” and “unforgivable.” Readers largely agreed, even after Ms. Chua tried to explain, to Kate Zernike in the Styles section of The Times a few days later, what she really meant.
But while Ms. Chua was backtracking and her many detractors were accusing her of everything from poor parenting to child abuse, did any of us not look at our own efforts and wonder if we weren’t strict enough? Ms. Chua (who ended the year, again in The Journal, with a somewhat smug reflection on how “hands-off” she is with her well-prepared older daughter, now at Harvard) provoked her fellow parents into thought and debate with her parenting technique — and with its (maddening) apparent success.

Jerry Sandusky Not the first authority figure in sports to be accused of abusing his access to young boys. Not the first coach to be accused of sexual abuse. But the one who, in 2011, reminded so many parents here at Motherlode that we must be vigilant about the adults we trust with our children, even when they are our friends and neighbors, and even when they’re revered and respected in their fiefs.

HPV Vaccines for Boys This fall, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention began recommending that boys and young men receive the vaccine against human papillomavirus, or HPV, to “protect against anal and throat cancers that can result from sexual activity.” HPV is a (very common) sexually transmitted virus, but the vaccine against it is only effective if delivered before someone is infected. For that reason, doctors recommend routine vaccination of children considered to be too young to have had sex — and we’re surely all familiar with the dispute that’s caused. Opponents argue that the vaccination encourages young people to be sexually active. Proponents point out that we have the opportunity to vaccinate against a virus linked to 26,000 cases of cancer each year. Most of us want our children to be sexually active (even if by that we mean eventually, and in a monogamous adult relationship) and would prefer that they not get cancer as a result — as Ayelet Waldman did. But even with those arguments, vaccination rates remain low: only 24 percent of girls (let alone boys) have had even one of the three recommended doses, and very few people support adding the HPV vaccineto their state’s list of those “required” for school attendance. This discussion is far from over.

The Digital Classroom All year, Times reporters have been grading the digital school with articles looking at the value of technology in the classroom. At best, results have been mixed. For every creative and laudable use of software or gadgets, there’s research reflecting limited success. Motherlode readers, too, are unsure about how to integrate technology into the lives of our own children: just this week, we’re debating the use of e-books when reading to our youngest children. We asked if a tablet computer for babies was really the worst toy of 2011, and in nearly the same breath considered apps for autistic children,educational apps for 3-year-olds and apps for traveling(and we didn’t fail to mention that many of us think children do better with no apps at all).
We’re unsure about how we should, as a society, bring technology into the lives of all children. I wrote here in November that “digital schooling” seems to mean two different things for two different classes of student. I suspect the benefits are falling across the usual divide: “virtual schools that supplement active students and families learning at home, and virtual schools that substitute for active students learning with teachers in schools.” Many of you agreed. When we see schools, whether or not our children are enrolled in them, investing limited resources on unproven tools, we worry. There’s no doubt we’ll be talking about technology and education into 2012 and beyond.

I’ve left out the news that changed all of us in 2011: the shootings in Tucson, the earthquake and tsunami in Japan. Those are the subjects that remind us that every day we spend worrying about apps and music lessons and even HPV vaccines is a gift. We hug our families a little closer in those moments and, if we’re lucky, beyond.

If you would like to add something to the top subjects of 2011 for parents and families, please share it in the comments. The things we remember most about this year are unquestionably going to be the subject of posts and commentary in 2012. What changed you as a parent in the last 12 months that we aren’t (yet) talking about?

About

We're all living the family dynamic, as parents, as children, as siblings, uncles and aunts. At Motherlode, lead writer and editor KJ Dell’Antonia invites contributors and commenters to explore how our families affect our lives, and how the news affects our families—and all families. Join us to talk about education, child care, mealtime, sports, technology, the work-family balance and much more