Saturday, April 14, 2012

No wonder Big Guy thought there was a War on Women (WOW). Certainly all the signs around here indicate there is. For example even some of our very own brave women warriors

conceded that the Big White’s band of merry men created a “hostile workplace” for the ladies. (aside: has there ever been so many whiners drawn together in one place in all of history? The women whine, the men whine, the journalists covering the whiners whine…). Anyway, that issue has been resolved: all the really big trouble makers (Anita Dunn and Christina Romer) left “to pursue other opportunities.”

Then of course there is the issue of the violation of the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act that both Big Guy and Lady M tout so proudly at every fund raiser. It’s supposed to make it illegal to unfairly pay men more than women for doing the same job. Unfortunately, since there aren’t any male MOTUSes around here, I don’t fall under that law. Nor, I guess, does anyone else. We must have gotten a Big White Obamacare exemption to it or something.

Because here’s the thing: it would appear as though there’s an 18% pay gap between Big White and Big White no matter how you cut it.

So as we prepare to celebrate “equality day” next Tuesday, our enemies list will no doubt be rolling this inconvenient truth out in an effort to ridicule us. In truth, there’s a perfectly good explanation for this gap, butt we’re loath to release it, because then everyone else would use it too. Which would leave that part of the Republican WOW in the dustbin of history along with all the other great ideas around here that failed to launch.

Anyway, back to the rest of the evidence submitted in the Big White’s case for the WOW: this damning piece turned in just yesterday by Big Guy himself! It turns out not only does he make more than his secretary (which is unfair), but he also pays a smaller percentage of his income in taxes than his secretary! (really UNFAIR)

Butt here’s some good news that I discovered, thanks to Doug Ross’ excellent research: in order to get someone in Big Guy’s income bracket ($790,000!) to pay the same rate as someone in his secretary’s bracket ($90,000), we would actually have to lower his tax rate by 7.6%:

Big Guy, a 1%-er; Big Guy’s secretary, a 25%-er: is that fair?

Although, thanks to tax loopholes, apparently Big Guy didn’t even have to pay the average 23.3% that most 1%-ers pay. Which is still confusing, because Big Guy keeps insisting that the 1%-ers are currently paying only 15% - that he wants the do-nothing Congress to raise to 30%.

So I don’t know if this whole thing is fair or unfair. It’s sort of confusing. So I came up with a proposal to fix everything:

Step #1, Big Guy should immediately write a check to the Treasury for an additional $67,150 (his full 30% fair share).

Step#2, Issue an Order under the authority of Obamacare requiring all 1%-ers to do the same, especially the ones running around shooting their mouths off about not paying their 30% fair share.

Step #3, I would like to propose that we change the name of the “Buffet Rule” - not to the disingenuous “Reagan Rule” butt rather to the “Obama Rule.” That way, not only can BO get the credit for it butt just in case Obamacare is thrown out by the Supremes, he’ll still have a signature legislative accomplishment.

Butt I digress. Back to the WOW. Here’s further proof, as if you need it, that it’s really the Republican’s who are leading this war: Chickaboomer reported on the latest attack, launched by none other than Roger Ailes, head of that biased news network that Big Guy hates and wants to get off the air as part of his “Fairness Doctrine.”

Anyway, Roger referred to the completely unbiased CNN correspondent Soledad O’Brian as “that girl named after a prison.” Can you believe it? Calling a fully grown woman a “girl” in this day and age? There’s your proof right there that Republicans hate women.

Inquiring minds at Fox News are asking: does she have a sister named Attica? Or Alcatraz?

Butt I think you can see why we’d rather change the subject and drop the WOW now that the backlash has, frankly, caught us off guard and required us to throw our attack dogs under the bus.