Al Likes Em Crispy

I have to interrupt our Al as GM series to highlight this hilarious exchange over at BCB yesterday. (Hat tip to Bishop Don over at ACB)

It all started over in this thread where some dumb lemming started another stupid fucking diary about blah blah blah…. Anyways some guy with the tagline of “Gibbon Jockey” gave some advice. Now I hope that the name “Gibbon Jockey” is meant to signify that this man races monkey’s for a living because that would be awesome but I highly doubt anyone at BCB could be that clever. I’m getting off track so without further delay here is the offending statement.

A) I would highly recommend purchasing tickets beforehand.

B) Left field lawn beneath the scoreboard are the best ‘seats’ in the place. Everyone else knows this as well, so plan on getting there before they open up the gates from batting practice. Bring a blanket and sprint for your spot. Don’t sit too close to the fence otherwise you’ll have people walking in front of you all day and have to watch through chainlink. 15 feet up on the ’burm is about perfect.

C) Keep your brother away from the leather-skinned skanks who own the backrow closest to the scoreboard.

D) I’m just kidding about that. But they’re as much a fixture at Ho Ho Kam as woo-woo….

E) Have fun….

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by Gibbon Jockey on Feb 18, 2009 9:31 PM CST reply 0 recs

Overall a fairly bland comment but it unleash a torrent of ANGER inside of one Mr. A. Yellon.

Actually, that “leather-skinned skank” is named Wanda….

… she happens to be a friend of mine, and her husband Roger is one of the beer vendors.

I sit with that group. So, maybe you should be a little more careful before you judge people. Just sayin’.

“That’s my opinion and if you don’t like it, well, I have others.” ~ Groucho Marx

by Al on Feb 18, 2009 10:00 PM CST

Nodoby pushes Wanda into a corner! After reading this you would think that Al is the kind of guy who stands up to bullies but we know all to well by this point that he is much more prone to A- Run Away B – Run away and make some snarky comment about it on his blog C- Piss himself than to ever confront somebody in real life. We also learned that this skank’s husband is named Roger, not really sure why Al felt he needed to include that. Al even dusted off one of his famous catchphrases with the use of “Just Sayin” . It gets even better in a second though.

im confused as to how u know hes talking about this specific woman?

“You must try to generate happiness within yourself. If you aren’t happy in one place, chances are you won’t be happy anyplace.”

by All The Way on Feb 18, 2009 10:19 PM CST up reply 0 recs

This is a really good point. It’s Arizona for christ’s sake I would imagine there are a ton of leather skinned skanky women hanging around the Cubs hoping to give a ballplayer a handjob in exchange for a signed napkin after practice. How could Al possibly know this was the exact skank the original poster was referring to? Fear not, because gentlemen Yellon clears this up right away.

Because there can be only one individual who meets that description.

“That’s my opinion and if you don’t like it, well, I have others.” ~ Groucho Marx

by Al on Feb 18, 2009 10:42 PM CS

(Dying Laughing) So basically this woman is so leathery, so fucking crispy and so skanky at the same time that she is a motherhumping legend over in the desert. This bitch must put the Ho in Ho-Ho-Kam. As PMayo said she must be the highlander of leather skanks “THERE CAN ONLY BE 1!!!!” So now we know that Al likes tanned leathery skin, making dinner dates with anaoymous men who read his blog and visits to the men’s restroom. Call me crazy but if Al comes out as a ghey I would be less surprised than if he showed up to the ballpark wearing something like this

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13 Responses to Al Likes Em Crispy

For me, the most amusing part is that the Monkey Jockey clearly referred to “skanks,” as in plural. Still, Herr Yellon, self-appointed expert on everything under the sun, insists that it must be one particular bitch named Wanda.

My best guess is that once upon a time, there really was a beer vendor named Roger and his catcher’s mitt of a wife, Wanda. It went down like this:

Al: Hey there sunshine, my names’s Al, and…

Wanda: Back off jerk, or my husband Roger over there (points to beer vendor) will kick your ass and pelt you with dirty plastic cups filled with backwash.

Al: Surely fair maiden, but do not let me part without learning thy name…

Wanda: [punches Al square in the mouth, then points at “Wanda” tattoo.]

Since Al has to be “in the loop” and/or know absolutely everyone with any tangetal relationship to the Cubs whatsoever, this episode became some sort of lame fantasy in which he was actually “best friends” with Wanda and Roger. Prove me wrong.

Oh, I think Al would definitely confront someone who offended him or his friends. Why, just this year at Kitty O’Shea’s, Aldolf walked in with his wife/girlfriend past a big group of us that included Dolan (whom Aldolf knows, and who was wearing a “BANNED FROM BCB” t-shirt). A couple of the guys we were with yelled out his name, and The Cowardly Yellion said, “Just keep walking,” to his wife/girlfriend before circling the bar and promptly leaving.

This was beyond hilarious.
I think Al just wanted to bring up the fact that he knows a leathery skank named “Wanda.” I certainly hope “Wanda” doesn’t read Al’s musings as she might be offended that he considers her to fit the description of a leathery skank. What a great buddy.

[…] his own. It looks like we can add some more qualities to Al’s present list of traits, racist,jackass, pervert, coward and now thief. I guess that’s why Al got the SB nation blog. From the bottom […]