How to Survive in the Modern Day Workplace

Star Wars Toy Only Thing Keeping Employee From Breaking Down At Work

Cleveland, OH – Overworked software engineer Casey Hopkins was able to stave off a nervous collapse at work by ignoring the soul-crushing workload that constantly took him away from his life’s dreams and instead focusing intensely on his Hot Toys Stormtrooper collectible figure. Sources close to Hopkins state that this is the 673rd consecutive day that the sixth scale action figure, which comes with both a blaster rifle and a blaster pistol, has helped him continue going through the motions of his job and avoid crying at his desk for never becoming an astronaut. However, the toy hasn’t stopped Hopkins from occasionally Googling “adult space camp”.

In addition to helping him avoid obsessively thinking about his failed childhood dreams, the limited edition Stormtrooper has helped Hopkins avoid contemplating other missed opportunities in his life, including not asking anyone out to his senior prom, never learning to play an instrument, and the direction of the Star Wars franchise after The Last Jedi sucked. Through it all, Hopkins’ Stormtrooper has stood vigilant at his desk to help take his mind to a better place.

“There are times when I get an email telling me I’ll have to work all weekend, and the only thing that keeps me from laying down on the nearest set of train tracks is realizing that if I die, one of my jerk coworkers would get to keep my Stormtrooper,” Hopkins told his manager. “So I keep going, because I owe it to this hand-painted bastion of my sanity to come here.

“Also, I have twin daughters, and it would probably really mess them up if they found out their dad got run over by a train.”