Bulldog Bash sales are really taking off

With just over two weeks to go until the Sept. 1 Bulldog Bash, described as "the mother of all tailgate parties," the seven Bash sales captains are using different tactics as they pursue potential ticket buyers. At this point Ted Madl, captain of the Free Agents, appears to have had the quickest start out of the blocks.

Although Madl has attempted to take a large amount of credit for his sales, sources have revealed that his wife, Peaches, could actually be the driving force behind the success of the Free Agents. Using some solid sales techniques and a pleasant personality, Peaches has more than made up for Ted's various shortcomings.

"Peaches is one of the few members of our sales team with actual intelligence and common sense. Her personality strengths have paid off big time for the Madl-led group," said Bash spokesman Rick Weaver.

Weaver added that the other Sales Captains have used some strategies that have proven not very effective.

Brian Orloff, captain of the Triple O, was relying heavily on ESP and telepathic communication. He made a decent jump in sales when he actually got on the phone and called a few people. The Merle Venable sale was a big moment for the campaign and Brian has even made some out of state contact with former Baldwin gridiron stars like Woody Hobson in Stillwater, Okla. Orloff's influence with the Pentagon might have been over-rated and we're still waiting to hear from any of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

High Roller captain Lew Ruona is starting to pick up momentum. Once Lew was able to talk himself into buying a ticket, his sales have blossomed. If we sell exactly 411 tickets, Lew may actually shave his head and install a large gold nose ring.

Gerald Cullumber, captain of the Clueless Dudes, has used Frank Foye's magnetic personality to near perfection. Foye is one of the town's sales leaders and has been a major asset to Cullumber's collection of clueless salesmen. Cullumber's ace in the hole appears to be the enigmatic Jeff Saile, who continues to inspire the group with motivational speeches and energy.

Captain Mike Berg of the Top Dogs is waiting for school to officially get rolling into high gear. Berg has used pressure on relatives and fellow teachers to get his campaign rolling, but expects to pick up the tempo when the opening game draws closer. Dennis Mills and Scott Hall, co-captains of the Little Lombardis, are slowly picking up the pace as they are trying to coerce youth football parents into jumping on the ship.

Robyn Elder has been using her many Baldwin ties and loyal relatives to help her Old Dawg sales team make progress. Robyn is the only captain available for sales at 6:15 a.m. and can be found at the Santa Fe Market.

Tickets for the Bulldog Bash can be purchased not only from the sales captains, but from the three official ticket outlets: The Lodge, Santa Fe Market and Walt's Pizza.

Proceeds from the Bash will help offset the initial start-up expenses of junior high football which is scheduled to begin in Baldwin in the fall of 2001.