Doll Graveyard (2005)

The latest addition to the black killer doll army is, um, this guy:

Although he’d receive his own film, Ooga Booga, in 2013, in Doll Graveyard, he doesn’t seem to have a name or any real back story other than he belonged to a girl in 1911 and was buried with her when she died (in direct contrast to the story in Ooga Booga). Now, in 2005, he’s dug up, along with the girl’s other dolls, with the sudden desire to kill. Why they need to kill anyone other than the guy who killed the little girl, I don’t know. But hey, it’s a horror movie; someone’s gotta die.

Even for a Charles Band killer doll movie, Doll Graveyard’s plot is pretty thin. His Puppet Master films look like Babel compared to this barely hour-long opus. The dolls don’t do anything until the 35-minute mark, and even then, they kill only three or so people before the boy who’s possessed by the little girl’s spirit decides that they should probably stop. The end.

I suppose the fact that the black doll is from the early 20th century excuses (or at least accounts for) the potentially offensive character design: an African warrior with a spear (for gougin’!), bugged-out eyes and a bone through his nose. For what it’s worth (which isn’t much), he’s the most distinctive of the bunch, which includes a German soldier with a pointy helmet — for stabbin’! — a porcelain baby doll with a fractured mouth — for bitin’! — and a samurai warrior with a sword and what looks like a beer helmet — for drinkin’!

Frankly, if the African doll had been the star, the film would’ve had much more of the campy vibe it deserves. Hell, I’d have settled for 10 minutes of screen time, which is more than he gets here. I think even Band realized his potential after the fact, as he’s featured prominently on the Full Moon website and even has a guest appearance in Band’s Evil Bong before getting his own movie. Maybe some day he’ll join forces with the dolls from Trilogy of Terror, Tales from the Hood, Ragdoll and *sigh* Black Devil Doll From Hell and form some sort of Mini-Afro-Legion of Doom…or at least a killer little league basketball team.

“Sweet, a shank!”An unfortunate arm position for a German soldier.“I’ve got your eye on me.”“Someone order a douchebag?”

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