Tag Archives: Life plan

After nearly 12 months of translating pre-written chapters into my actual living, breathing days. I am being asked to lay out an outline to script the rest of my story. I guess I should be ready by now to set the stage and jump into the next 12 chapters. After this intense programming of attempting to let go fully – living the part of the abiding protagonist, am I ready to take back the director’s chair and orchestrate some independence? I believe Elizabeth is prepping me to do so whether I am ready or not.

Last September I was given a similar challenge from chapter writer Amy Dehuff. While exploring my existential existence, Amy’s questions and tasks unfolded each week similar to this concluding June chapter. Her requests drew me deeper into the difficult and revealing questions of the what, why and how I choose to navigate my way on my path. Both writers laid out specific guidelines and instructions on how to arrive at potential answers simply by asking me to set guidelines, directions or goals to define where I was going.

In September, Amy blatantly requested that I make a 1 year, 5 year and 10 “life plan” as a way to direct my path. This week Elizabeth asks me to state or name 12 goals in which I would like to accomplish in the upcoming 12 years. A bucket list of sorts?

For some reason both of these requests (although simple, and helpful) bring up a serious amount of resistance for me. For some reason I have always responded poorly to the notion of setting specific goals (or making the checklist of life) to lead my choices.

The business dictionary defines the word goal as being “An observable and measurable end resulthaving one or more objectivesto be achieved within a more or less fixed timeframe.” There really is something about the words “end result” and “fixed timeframe” that make my skin crawl. Maybe this is why I have dodged the process of setting goals. To me if feels like traveling with a set agenda or cooking with a specific recipe; there is not much room for spontaneity or creativity.

But where is this intense resistance coming from is it the “measurable end result” that makes me nervous or the achievement expected in a more or less “fixed timeframe” that makes me uncomfortable? Defining a completion has never been my forte. I am not sure if it is the fear of negating all the potential opportunities and open avenues that inevitably arrive along the way. (fear of commitment?) Or if it’s really just a fear failing (or worse yet succeeding and concluding!) arriving at the final end destination? (hmmm…fear of death?)

Either way, even with these rooted fears, I am not opposed to setting goals and am not unaware of the benefits of doing so. I’ve had no problem in the past working hard or working towards defined outcomes. Recently though, I have realized that setting intentions has become much more valuable, illuminating and important to me. Looking, not at the far-flung future, but giving myself daily dose reminders of who and how I want to BE rather than where I am going to go and what I want to DO has brought new confidence and clarity to me.

I believe strongly in stating intentions – even writing them down. Desires are really only dreams unless we visualize and physically live and breathe them into action. Spending the time to write or state them directly manifests movement into the world making it real. I believe in the true power behind consciously doing this. Maybe that is what I am really afraid of? The true power of manifesting what we actually desire into being!? These few quotes keep echoing in my brain:

“Ask and you shall receive” – “Be careful what you ask for” – “If you build it they will come”

So why do I allow resistance to block my path when I can let it flow freely through me and just finish this chapter challenge? If I learned anything through this project, it has been to closely examine resistance as a means to confront and conquer fears. Sitting with and in discomfort helps me understand what it is that is holding me back and what it is that could project me forward.

My core philosophy believes that yes it is important to set goals but first feel strongly about and see clearly what the intentions behind those goals are. Examine and sit with that resistance! Is it coming from an external place or an internal source. If I allow a goal to guide my way – it needs to come from within and grow with intention – not be pushed by external expectation.

Within 10 years I stated my life plan to “exit ambition and move to meaning”. An ambitious task at hand! I guess I best get busy this next decade cultivating a mindful practice toward creation of meaning while working through and out any last seeds of ambition that have been planted along my path. It seems I need to get busy pacing out my personal pursuit schedule and decide on the balance between how I really want to be and what is really important to do. I am hoping the following two lists of my 12 intentions and 12 goals will help guide me.

to BE:

Healthy/Energetic

Loving

Open/Accepting

Mindful

Productive

Balanced

Fluid/Flexible

Giving

Grateful

Honest/Trusting

Disciplined/Determined

Courageous

to DO:

Love: self, life partner, family/children, friends, community

Meditate: center, balance, listen, be in the present

Write: blog, book, letters, articles

Share: talks, workshops, radio interviews

Absorb: listen and learn all that I have space for, nature, knowledge, energy

This month’s existential chapter began with many open ended questions to examine. Questions that most of us have thought about from time to time and questions that a few of us have obsessed over and struggled with for years.

“What is the purpose of existence? Where did we come from? Where are we going? and why?

Honestly, I have to agree with Brad Warner (author of “Hardcore Zen” suggested reading from this month’s chapter writer) He says,

“Purpose deals with goals, direction, and stuff that is going to happen in the future.” And “Wherever we came from is over and done. – I want to know what this is – this place right here, this state of mind right now. What is this?” And he ends the prologue of his book with the most important question, in my opinion,

“Who are you really?And what really is that thing that you so confidently call your life?”

Well, after practicing meditation for only a week I have not come closer to any clear answers for those questions yet, but I can say that the act of living out these chapters thus far has helped me understand a lot more about who I really am and who I am becoming each new moment.

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It seems like we all spend a lot of time worrying about the future “what is going to happen to me? Where will I end up? What will I be doing? Will I do something meaningful in this world? All this anxiety created solely by our egos, making us believe that the answers to those questions matter more than what it is we are doing and being now and who we are right now. Our egos have also helped us believe that not knowing the answers to these questions is a bad thing. We grow up with parents feeding our egos and being told that we need to know what we want to be, what we want to do and how we are going to do it. I was never clued in that I would have to continue wrestling with these questions after I have “grown up” and ultimately until I die. I somehow thought there was some magic age where I would have figured it out.

Although I have been asked several times, I actually have never ever made a 5, 10, year, or even 1 year life plan. Those who know me, know that I have problems even planning a week ahead of time these days. It somehow seems that the older I get the less attracted I am to planning out or planning for my future. I thought about it quite a bit in my twenties but my concern about doing this has dropped off in the past five years. Some people who organize their goals and timeline differently than I, have been perplexed/frustrated with the way in which I navigate my decisions. I am aware that this request to plan is given with the best of intentions. It could only bring shape, clarity or direction to my path and may help me reach ambitious plateaus that I couldn’t even dream of reaching. However when asked to do this I often feel constricted and question if an ambitious plateau or a sense of direction is what I really want to strive for. I feel that I have done really well fluttering about buzzing from one thing to the next pollinating each new experience and place with something new. I have enjoyed watching my life unfold in unexpected ways.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand the importance of planning. I use to be a teacher. And there is no way that I would ever stand in front of a room of 25 plus kids without a plan of how to engage my students’ attention while teaching them a new skill or idea in a short 45 minute session. But teaching also taught me this: you just never know what life (or small children) might throw at you AND you can’t assume that even your best laid plan will work with each new student, scenario, or day that comes. Teaching (along with extensive travel) has really helped me adjust my thinking and adopt the mentality of walking into the unknown with a welcoming attitude.

I realized that when I resisted the flow of the changing moods of my students or direction of the day, I would miss out on opportunities, learning, alertness, and awareness that always came with the challenge of adapting to the present situation.

I also understand that I may be a bit different from most. Many people accomplish great tasks and goals by mapping out intricate and detailed plans. This makes so much sense when you are trying to accomplish intricate, specific and detailed goals. Maybe its hard to believe but I feel very clear on what my goals are, they just are not specific or attached to things like jobs, possessions, or particular people. Maybe that’s is why its been so difficult to find a direct and simple path to them. If I had to some up my goals, I would have to say that I have been working toward keeping a mindset of happiness. (Aren’t we all doing this?) What helps me keep that state of happiness seems to change from year to year but when thinking about it I came up with these life goals to help me do this.

1. I want to continue to create and nourish positive relationships with others

2. I want to continue doing work that is meaningful and/or useful for myself and others

3. I want to continue to learn, create and explore new things in ways that make me feel alive.

4. I want to continue to be adaptable to my changing surroundings and open to new opportunities that come my way

I created the Living Chapters project with these goals in mind. So if you think about it, Living Chapters itself is a bit of a 1-year life plan. It has timeline, goals, structure, and accountability built-in.

The main difference is this: I created Living Chapters because I wanted to see what would happen if I stopped worrying about future planning for a year and just focused on the living, reacting, and reflecting upon my current situation. I also wanted to see what would happen if I let go of my need to control, curate each next step. Could I become more open to new opportunities and experiences? More comfortable with not knowing what was coming (the unknown in general) and comfortable with letting go of complete control over my life? It’s an illusion that we have any form of control anyway.

So I planned Living Chapters instead of a making a life plan and decided that if I wanted to know more about who I am and what I wanted that I needed to fully explore and determine what I care about, what I believe, and what my unique talents and qualities are before making any plans. (this is what I hope Living Chapters will bring)

Instead of figuring out a direct plan for my future, what I want to do is hone the skills that will help me to arrive at it organically. I need to figure out how to stop doubting my inner guidance and innate skills and become more comfortable trusting, even if it means moving forward into unknown territories or into things that are out of my control.

With all that said and my resistance to planning, This is my first stab at giving Amy’s “life plan” challenge a go. I may come back to this in greater detail later in the month, we’ll see where the month takes me.

1 year from now: Assessment/Reflection

Next fall in September 2014, a few months after Living Chapters project is completed I will assess and reflect upon the experiences that this yearlong experiment has given me before making any more life decisions. Looking at how or if the process has affected my path, I will document those reflections through some chosen creative process. At this point I will decide whether it be public or private but the key is the act of reflection and sharing it with at least those I care about.

5 years from now: Consistency within Change

When I was 12 or 13 I wrote somewhere in a journal that “the only consistent thing in my life was change” I could not have been more right and through some self-fulfilling prophecy it still rings true at age 36. I don’t think this is a bad thing though and I don’t think I lack all consistency in my life today but by the time I reach 41 I would like to introduce elements of consistency into my life. I would like to be consistent with my actions, and my way of being. Can I stay consistently involved with my community? Can I consistently stay active and healthy? Can I consistently be working my creative mind? In five years I will develop a structure for implementing consistency.

10 years from now: Exit Ambition – Move to Meaning

In ten years from now, I would love to be free of egocentric ambition and move to more meaningful personal pursuits, while becoming a bit less serious. (is this possible?) I have been working on this goal for a couple of years now but feel it will take at least a good 10 more years to even make a dent in this process. It takes a while to de-program all that ambition/ego drive that lives within us!

I am not sure how Zen all this planning has been but it sure sounds ambitious doesn’t it? For now, back to meditation.

9/11/13

Just finding this blog today? Read more about the Living Chapters project here.