Celebrating America's Female Warriors

Homecomings: Snapshots & Realities

Hmmm…so lots of good things went down last week, but the short work week was insanely busy. I added more social events to my weekly plans than I would normally accommodate, which meant I’m recovering from sleep deprivation this week.

Devin Mitchell made himself at home when visiting Memorial Union–it was so great meeting him!

I had a great time meeting Devin Mitchell, photographer for Veteran Vision Project, for starters. I promise once my photo is finished, I will share it with you all.

Ehren Tool treated us to a show–he made several cups on site out of a 25lb. block of clay!

I also met Ehren Tool who came to ASU recently. Please know I will devote a whole entry to him here soon–probably this weekend. I checked out his gallery talk and there’s so much I want to digest before sharing my thoughts.

Last week was also Marine Week!!! My family went to the exhibits at Mesa Riverview Park. I am proud of all the Marines who worked the event–their efforts were flawless. While I love all my Marines, I especially love seeing the Silent Drill Platoon perform. However, the exhibits started at ten and by noon, my five-year old had enough of the heat. She didn’t care the Marines performed without talking–that they tossed rifles in the air–she just wanted to leave.

I mention my–happily–busy week because I enjoyed being a participant of each but also because they touch on different aspects of homecoming for me, in literal and figurative ways.

Today, I came across the image below (and many others) through MSN and it made me realize I’ve wanted to discuss the notion of ‘homecoming’ for awhile–scraping below the surface meaning of the word.

In the simplest sense “returning home” is a neutral and somewhat vague concept. It can apply to a person and/or group; it also doesn’t matter–in the context of the definition–where the individual (or group) had been but their destination–home–has social value. Home can also encompass many different places, depending on the individual or group. The definition is also a little less vague in the fact it limits homecoming to a singular event. Lastly, and I want to hinge on this key point, homecoming is overwhelmingly used to describe the occasion in the positive. The four insights I just gave you for ‘homecoming’ provide some talking points about why homecoming is a difficult term to associate with military service.

Home–as a destination–is what matters.

I love the concept of ‘home’ but it’s different once you leave, potentially good and bad. The landscape will change over time, the people will change over time, the social setting will change over time. Will ‘home’ still feel like home after weathering these changes? In my situation, home has a short lifespan of feeling comfortable. I can weather home (Rhode Island) for about a week before feeling antsy for my normal routine. My physical home is enjoyable when I’m not reminded of the slew of chores to maintain my residence. I feel incredibly embarrassed to complain about having a roof over my head knowing that so many do not. I should find more simple joy in what is, even when it does not live up to my standards. I also think the current Syrian refugee crisis added a further layer to the conversation: what if you never get to go home? It’s difficult to watch so many people treat these refugees (and refugees, in general) as less than human. There is so much space in this world and so much potential for peace, prosperity, and creativity if people opened up their ‘home’ nations so that others may have a safe place to call ‘home.’

What is home?

Home can be a place/feeling/a person. I often fail at captivating my audience about why Iraq will always feel like home to me. I saw so little of it and yet, in my heart, I feel it is a beautiful nation undergoing years and years of great tragedy. It is also home because of a love/respect/deep friendship that happened there. The reality of my situation is I left ‘home’ then and returned to the States, a place that no longer felt like ‘home.’ When I describe home now, I typically use the word in two ways. I describe Rhode Island as home; it’s where the majority of my family lives. I describe my residence as home because that’s where I live. Iraq is my past home and I’m bothered that terrorism is still rampant there.

Homecoming as a ‘singular’ event.

I’ve had many homecomings, usually in the sense of high school dances but also trips back east and returns to the States, once after a trip to Cape Verde and twice from deployment. Homecoming in the military sense would describe my arrival back at Camp Pendleton after the first deployment and my arrival in Sheridan, Wyoming after the second deployment. Those happenings were less positive (see focus on this issue below) than portrayed say in the images above. Homecoming–for me–has been a process and not a single event here and there. In October, I can add another lenses to the notion of homecoming when I attend training in Nashville, Tennessee. More to follow on that issue later.

Homecoming-facing the past, present, and ‘pain points’

I mentioned earlier homecomings are thought of as positive events, but what about when they aren’t? Your story–pain and all–is marginalized in history. Not too long ago I watched Fort Bliss per one of my professors’ recommendation. There are tough moments in the film, which I will discuss one day, but this story provides a truer glimpse that homecomings are not always beautiful singular events. Not everyone is greeted by their families; in familial units torn by divorce, as depicted in the film, who knows is your child will embrace you or be present when you step off the bus? I didn’t have my family waiting for me when I came home from the first deployment, but my unit was there–they were my family–but even my social network there was incomplete. Returning from the second deployment, I was embraced by my husband and his family, but once again, my family wasn’t there. Sometimes, it’s very difficult being the adventurer in the family. Everyone stays in their comfort zone in Rhode Island. I journey home time and time again, bearing the financial burden and emotional toll of not seeing my actions reciprocated. In the last few years, especially as I recovered financially from unemployment, I haven’t made the journey home. I don’t want to cough up $2,000 or more for flights, hotel rooms, meals, and so on because I know it’s a huge dent to my savings and I have zero desire to put those expenses on a credit card, unless it was an emergency.

I know I’ve given you more to digest today than I normally do and in odd fashion, started on a positive note and ended on more serious thoughts. There is always a happy thought in my day, despite my seriousness. To prove it though, please enjoy the cute Prickly Pear image. below. I use these stickers all the time on Facebook; Prickly Pear stickers are my stickers of choice for Facebook messenger. They always put a smile on my face.