By now, you've likely read or heard the news of the mass shooting in Thousand Oaks, California. Dr. Stephen Aizenstat, Founding President and Chancellor of Pacifica Graduate Institute, shared this letter regarding the tragedy with many in our community, and we wanted to share its message of hope with all of you.

The Greek myth of Narcissus, one version of it at least, describes a young, proud hunter known for his good looks. He disdains others, including the mountain nymph Echo, who falls in love with him. Because of his behavior, Nemesis, a goddess of revenge, lures Narcissus to a pool, where Narcissus falls in love with the water’s reflection, not comprehending it is his own image. In one version, he stares at his own reflection until he dies. [1]

From this tale we have the terms “narcissism” and “narcissist,” and even the condition of “narcissistic personality disorder,” in which “people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that’s vulnerable to slightest criticism.” [2]

Personal love—that is, love that we feel within—has changed in the 21st century, according to Jungian analyst, Polly Young-Eisendrath. In this day and age, we seek three very specific outcomes in our relationships that have not always been sought in “traditional” relationships. First, we want relationships that take place between equals, which are reciprocal and mutual. Second, we want to choose whomever we want to love and not be bound to traditions or tribes. Finally, we long to be witnessed by another person who really knows, sees, understands, and hears us.