Friday, November 13, 2009

...Why would an 11 year old even want to be on Facebook? They don't understand how to use the damn thing. We all know the only thing Facebook is good for is creeping people's pictures, and I'm pretty sure 11-year-olds are far too busy sexting to worry about Facebook pictures.

...So I was in the bathroom of a bar on Sunday night (yes, I was in a bar on a Sunday night, stay focused) and I had the following exchange with a guy:

I guess my point is, if you get anything out of this blog, just remember to never buy khaki pants from some dude in a bathroom. That is the best advice I can give you. That, or maybe just don't go to a bar on a Sunday night. Either or.

...Vodka is one of the worst inventions ever. How can anybody enjoy drinking it? Disgusting. Are we sure vodka isn't actually just rubbing alcohol? Doesn't this seem like a very real possibility?

...I hate Fantasy Football. It is so damn frustrating. I lost this week by 8 points because Roddy White and LaDainian crapped the bed. I expected White to struggle because he wasn't 100% healthy, but I'm so sick of Tomlinson sucking every week (not to mention being a whiny little bastard). The worst part is, I picked DeAngelo Williams in round one, and was beyond ecstatic when Tomlinson fell to me in round two (which I stand by being absolutley ridiculous, the people in this league are morons) but now Tomlinson sucks and I am 5-4 and currently just outside the playoffs in 5th place. Ugh.

...Oh, and I would have won this week if I had started Julius Jones. But that would also require starting Julius Jones.

...Quick tip for everyone: Make sure you wash the inside of your windshield every once in awhile. I couldn't see very well out of my windshield for like a year, and couldn't figure out why. Then I Windexed my windshield. Turns out there was so much dust and shit on there that it was like trying to look through a sliding shower door. Not fun. (As a side note, I don't have some odd infatuation with my windshield. It is just a coincidence I commented on windshield related matters two weeks in a row. Odds are, I will never speak of my windshield again on this site.)

...So I receive promotional emails from Amazon every couple of days trying to sell me crap (yes, I realize I can cancel this feature, but I like getting book suggestions - even though I never end up reading them). A couple of days ago I received an email telling me, "As someone who has shown an interest in horses, you might like to know that you can now subscribe to Horse Illustrated magazine for just $5.00 after an instant $5.00 rebate."

I don't even like horses. I don't think I've ever shown interest in the creatures. I bought Seabiscuit, but that was just because it is supposed to be a really good book, not because I want to read about a horse. Quite frankly, I'm surprised that Horse Illustrated even exists. Then again, $5 for a a magazine subscription is a pretty sweet deal. Maybe I should consider it...

...Ha, suck it rest of the United States. Minnesota is the fifth happieset state in the country. And how can you argue with something as technical as a "well being score"? Exactly. You can't. Maybe being fake nice really is the best way to go.

...Daytime television is awful. Like really awful. It pretty much just consists of soap operas, crappy talk shows, infomercials, and debt management commercials. I suppose this makes sense because if you are unemployed and buying 40 sets of steak knives off infomercials, you are probably going to need someone to manage your debt. Or you could just go on Let's Make a Deal hosted by the one and only Wayne Brady. I know, who knew, right? Ah the joys of

...Could Carrie Prejean be more stuck up? I mean, wow, that's Larry King you're talking to. LARRY KING! Also she has some of the craziest crazy eyes this side of Kelly Anne on the Real World Road Rules Challenge: The Ruins.

...I went to college at the University of Minnesota Duluth. Now, if you have ever been to Duluth, you know that it is a very nice city with very shitty roads, and fairly poor restaurant selection. Since I graduated in May, apparently Duluth has decided to start fixing all the roads and building restaurants like Buffalo Wild Wings and Five Guys. Thanks, Duluth. I appreciate it.

...I got a Ken Griffey Jr. shirzee (t shirt + jersey = shirzee) for a gift when i was 12ish. The shirzee did not fit me at the time so I stuck it in a drawer and never wore it. While writing my piece about Griffey, I remembered that I owned the shirzee and dug it out of my drawer. I popped it on and realized it now fits (a little snug in the sleeves, but all the better to show off my rippling muscles). I think I am more excited to wear the shirzee now, then I would have been back then. It's like getting a free t shirt - one that you would actually want to wear.

...You know what is disgusting? When people slurp their food. I don't care if you're eating soup, cereal, or a delicious, juicy fruit. Stop slurping. It is disgusting. I had a college roommate who slurped pretty much everything he ate. He slurped hamburger helper. How the fuck do you slurp hamburger helper? Drives me insane. So for the love of god; people, please stop slurping your food. It is disgusting and rude.

...You know what else is disgusting? Wallpaper. Obviously not in the same sense as food slurping, but wallpaper almost always looks tacky and lame. If you are thinking of putting up wallpaper in your house, just paint instead. It looks better. Bet you didn't expect to get interior decorating advice on this site did you?

...I'm going to end with my link of the week. Whether I ever do this again remains to be seen, but, hey, I'm going to roll with it for today. Check out Sporcle if you have time to kill. Just know, if you have an addictive personality you will be there for hours. Enjoy.

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I started this site as a a place to write mostly about sports. However, as a self proclaimed expert on pretty much everything, I will attempt to create something beyond just sports. Yes, it will be sportscentric, especially Minnesota sports, but I will delve into other topics, as well. Because, let's be honest, there really is more to life than just sports.
As for my my personal background, I was born and raised in Minnesota; so yes, I have a funny Northern accent. My lifelong crusade includes taking part in a joyful dog pile and champagne shower. Preferably this will occur for celebrattory reasons but I'm not too picky about specifics. It just looks like fun. I mean, who doesn't want to take part in a champagne soaked man pile?