Anti-Gay Crusader Who 'Married' His Laptop Wants Alabama To Recognize Their Union

A notorious opponent of same-sex marriage is suing the state of Alabama to recognize his union with a 2011 MacBook.

Chris Sevier claims that he married his computer in New Mexico a while back. He filed a federal lawsuit in the Northern District of Alabama on Aug. 31 demanding that the state either recognize that alleged marriage to what he calls “an object ... with female like features” or issue him a new license to wed the computer, according to AL.com.

Although he describes his sexual orientation as “machinist” in the suit, Sevier’s goal here is not true bliss with his laptop. What the suit is ultimately seeking is the overturn of the Supreme Court’s decision to legalize same-sex marriage nationwide. And Sevier has tried this strategy before.

The Alabama complaint states:

Defendant [Blount County Probate Judge Chris] Green issues marriage licenses to individuals who self-identify as homosexual, but he refuses to issue marriage licenses to zoophiles, machinists, and polygamists on a basis that can only be described as procedurally arbitrary.

The suit lists three other plaintiffs: John Gunter Jr., Whitney Kohl and John Grace Harley, Utah residents who describe themselves as polygamists who want to all marry each other, according to WSFA.com.

Green, the probate judge, told AL.com that the plaintiffs did not request marriage licenses in person, but just phoned asking if they could get them.

“I just said I wouldn’t do that in Blount County. No way, no how,” Green said.

Besides Green, the lawsuit also lists as defendants Alabama Gov. Kay Ivey and state Attorney General Steve Marshall.

“The question is, should we have policies that encourage that kind of lifestyle? The state is not doing anyone any favors by encouraging people to live that lifestyle,” he told the paper in reference to same-sex marriage.

The if-gays-can-marry-each-other-then-I-want-to-marry-my-computer argument didn’t work when Sevier tried it in Utah in June 2016. The Utah Attorney General’s Office asked a federal judge to dismiss the suit because there is no constitutional right to marry a laptop.

“These claims are untenable as a matter of law because Plaintiffs lack standing to bring these claims and the right to marry has not been indefinitely expanded, nor should it be,” Assistant Attorney General David Wolf wrote in the state’s filing. “Simply put, marrying a laptop computer or multiple partners are not rights protected by the Constitution.”

Wolf also pointed out the ridiculousness of Sevier’s argument by noting that “unless Sevier’s computer has attained the age of 15, it is too young to marry under Utah law.”