Why some parents take one kid on vacation at a time

When Aidan Mulshine turned 13 this spring, his parents, Barry and Belinda, of Illinois, took just him on a trip to Washington, D.C., to mark the occasion. His two younger brothers stayed with grandparents.

Taking a child on a day trip or even a short vacation without siblings is a privilege some parents are offering their kids to enjoy one-on-one quality time.

When Aidan Mulshine turned 13 this spring, his parents, Barry and Belinda, of Illinois, took just him on a trip to Washington, D.C., to mark the occasion. His two younger brothers stayed with grandparents.

“The idea is that they get to choose where to go within reason, and then the trip ends up being something they really look forward to and are interested in,” said Belinda Mulshine. “It’s so much fun to have them away from the crazy routine and focus on being together and seeing their personality away from the siblings and friends.”

The three toured the Smithsonian Museum of American History, the National Museum of Natural History, the National Zoo and the Holocaust Museum. Aidan loved being an only child for a few days.

“It was fun without a bunch of brothers complaining about not going to the gift shop,” Aidan said. “It’s a lot easier because you don’t have to stop to wait for everybody. I got to pick whatever I wanted to do.”

“We wanted a way to mark that he is reaching that age and do it in a way that is memorable and that shows we recognize that milestone,” Belinda said. “It can be a launching pad for discussing with your child what becoming an adult means, and it’s a positive way to mark the occasion of becoming a teenager.”

Dr. Linda Lanier is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in Springfield, Ill., who takes her own three children on separate trips on a regular basis. She stresses that parents have to be intentional about planning and open in their communication with the entire family about what is taking place.

“The No. 1 thing is that you want to be scrupulously fair,” she said. “You don’t want any kid to feel like they got the short end of the stick. So if it’s an age limit or dollar limit, make sure it’s equal.”

Steve and Karie Longhta of New Berlin, Ill., have initiated this for their four sons. When each son turns 11, he gets to go on a trip alone with his dad to wherever he wants to go.

“It’s one-on-one time, which they don’t really have a lot,” Karie said. And while there aren’t any destination limits, Karie said, “nobody has ever wanted to go to Australia.”

Their son, Jake, who is now 18, went to Florida for deep-sea fishing off the Keys. Zachary, now 16, chose Disney World, while Josh, 14, went to Universal Studios in Florida. The Longhta’s youngest son, Luke, is 9 and looks forward to planning his trip in a year or so.

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“The kids really want to go,” Steve said. “They are old enough to appreciate it, but young enough to really enjoy it. They are at the age that they still like us.”

Or, as Belinda Mulshine adds: “It’s going to be one of our traditions to create happy memories — right at that age that you really want them to enjoy being with their parents and not leave you out of the loop.”

Dr. Linda Lanier of Springfield, Ill., appreciates one-on-one trips with her three kids.

“What’s beautiful about it is that you get away from the sibling rivalry,” she said. “There is nothing more wonderful than just being able to focus your attention on one kid. They love it. I love it. It’s a whole different relationship.”

She recommends the following steps for parents:

Be intentional. Consider the kind of trip the kids can help choose and the dollar amount involved.

Make arrangements for the ones who aren’t traveling. Plan something fun or special for them to do with grandparents or their friends, within reason. Strive for equality among the kids and their experiences both at home and away.

Hold a family meeting to discuss the potential trips and limits. Lanier said, “At the end of the day, everyone has to feel OK with it.”