The Real Bling Ring Shouldn’t Sue The Bling Ring Movie, After All Emma Watson Is Doing Them A Favor

Anytime something dramatic happens in my life, I calm myself down by thinking about which famous Hollywood actress would play me in my Lifetime movie. As much as I’d love it to be someone super cool and chic like Jennifer Lawrence, I just know it will end up being Kathy Najimy or Raven Symone.

Clearly the real life members of the original Bling Ring don’t feel that way. They’d rather spend their time filing legal paperwork and sexting their lawyers. I mean to each his own, but this isn’t the each I would own. I think they’re pretty lucky that an actress like Emma Watson is playing one of them.

David Diamond, the lawyer for defendant Roy Lopez Jr., has just subpoenaed “The entire payroll records of all actors, consultants, and staff….” Diamond tells TMZ … what he’s specifically after are the consultants – some members of the Burglar Bunch as well as the investigator who cracked the case — to impeach their credibility if they testify against Lopez. Diamond will argue the upcoming movie compromises the prosecution’s case, because it gives witnesses in Lopez’ trial a financial motive to overly-dramatize the alleged crimes.

I’m not a lawyer, but even I know that having a star-studded cast will only help the real bling ring look better. The jury will see them and think of Emma Watson. I can hear the not guilty verdict already.

So here’s some free legal advice bling ring numero uno, stop worryig about how the movie will affect your trial. It’s only going to make you look better. Who knows, maybe Zac Efron will sign on. You don’t want to scare away all the good stars with your legal mumbo jumbo.