Concentration

30 chapters / 62261 words

Meredith Cappolli dreams about leaving. Being trapped in a place you can't leave is bad enough. Having super powers that put you there is even worse. Subject to tests and training, the facility Meredith is stuck in is no piece of cake.
Awesome cover by Olivia Ossege! :)

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Reviews(49)

Good work.
If I were to offer some constructive criticism, it would be to SHOW a little more and TELL a little less.
It feels at points a little blatant and forced. Within the first 15 sentences I knew about 6 key points in her life, rushing right up to the part of her being taken away - all fast and robotic in efficiency.
Let your beautiful story unravel slowly as the reader becomes emmersed.

Nicely done! I'm a sucker for superpower stories that don't involve "superheroes" so this story had my attention from the start. Telekinesis is also one of my favorite powers, so once again, I was captivated. I've only read the first chapter, but I am curious to see where the rest of the story will go!

You do have some grammatical errors here and there, however, but not bad enough to where I was thrown off too much. Also while you've got a very interesting story brewing up here, you do lack a little bit in scenery description and details. I'd suggest adding a little more to Meredith's observations within her narrations to provide a little more of an idea of the area around her and the people she interfaces with.

Other than that, great work! This will probably be a story I come back and finish at some point. Keep it up!