Albert Breer column: 'Entitled' parents wear on high school coaches

Monday

Jul 30, 2007 at 12:01 AMJul 30, 2007 at 2:21 PM

Young coaches, passionate about the sport, enter into coaching and, soon thereafter, are driven out by parents who won't leave them alone.

There's a coaching shortage right now in Massachusetts. Visit the MIAA's Web site, and you'll find pages and pages of openings, many of them for fall sports that kick off in a matter of four weeks. Of course, there are plenty of reasons why. But No. 1 stands alone, ascending far above reasons involving bank accounts, time and master's degrees. Young coaches, passionate about the sport, enter into coaching and, soon thereafter, are driven out by parents who won't leave them alone.
The horror stories are far lengthier than the space allowed for this story.

So here are three:

* On at least two occasions in the last three academic years, coaches have been contacted by parents with complaints about playing time on the day their teams were playing in state championship games.

* One local coach had a parent show up last year, unannounced, at the coach's home to rachet up a beef about their kid's role on a team.

* Another area coach, who led his program for more than two decades and won several hundred games, received an anonymous piece of mail accusing him of unsubstantiated, unprintable offenses that would land someone in jail. The sender's kid - that's right - wasn't playing much on said team.

There's a coaching shortage right now in Massachusetts. Visit the MIAA's Web site, and you'll find pages and pages of openings, many of them for fall sports that kick off in a matter of four weeks.

Young coaches, passionate about the sport, enter into coaching and, soon thereafter, are driven out by parents who won't leave them alone.

"For some reason, parents feel they have the right to say whatever they want to whomever they want," said Hopedale athletic director Rich Piergustavo, who's seen a revolving door in several of his programs. "They'll say anything, whether it's true or not. They don't realize it - you're messing with someone's reputation, you're degrading someone's integrity. And all because your son or daughter isn't playing."

You know the type. Entitled because they drop a hefty check for a summer camp or open the wallet to pay a user fee. Meddling because what they've planned for the kid isn't working out. Accusing because that becomes the only recourse left.

So they jump in, they complain, and they won't take no for an answer.

"Coaches just don't get the respect or authority they used to have," said Milford athletic director Nick Zacchilli. "When I was playing, the coach, in the eyes of the parents, was the final word. You didn't question what the coach was asking of you."

Things, clearly, have changed.

Now, intrusive parenting isn't the only reason why coaches are being driven away. There's the fact that teachers have to get their master's degrees within five years of starting work. There's a ton of different certifications that must be attained. There's fewer three-sport coaches out there. There's also less people wanting to get into teaching, in general, and it's becoming harder and harder for non-teachers to qualify to coach.

But all that stuff winds up accumulating, then relating back to the original problem.

Simply, there are a lot of hoops someone has to jump through to coach these days. And for what? To get shouted down by some kid's dad?

"There are parents that have no problem telling you what they think, and there are others that won't share it to your face, but they'll share it with other people," said Framingham athletic director Gary Doherty, who still coaches the school's football team and is the son of a football coach. "It's too bad, because it doesn't help anyone. If taking this kind of criticism helped, I'd be all for it. But it doesn't help the kid, the team or the school.

"It'd be better if you kept it to yourself. But if you have some positive criticism, then make it."

Trouble is, these parents can't, and won't be ignored.

There are plenty of cases where athletic directors have stood behind coaches, and then principals and superintendents are contacted.

"I'm thinking that the superintendent has more important things to do than worry about playing time," said Piergustavo. "The fix for me is having a very clear handbook stating what a coach's role is, and what a parent can and can't expect from a coach."

More and more, schools do. Piergustavo drafted his around what he considers the model book, created by Zacchilli's department in Milford.

The Daily News was given a copy of the Milford manual by Zacchilli, which features three pages outlining parents behavior. In there is a subject headed "Issues Not Appropriate to Discuss with Coaches," which includes playing time at the varsity level, team strategy, play-calling and other student-athletes. Listed as "Appropriate Concerns" are the treatment of your child, mentally and physically, ways to help your child improve and concerns about your child's behavior.

Still, these often fall on deaf ears. And with so many lines of communication available these days, it's not hard to get a message across.

"A parent doesn't have any regrets on an E-mail, because they don't have to go face-to-face," said Zacchilli. "You don't see teachers getting these because their kid's failing a class. But you get them because a kid's not playing enough."

Of course, these guys will tell you there's a lesson in that, too. Not that some parents want to hear it.

"We're so afraid to bruise someone's ego, and I'm worried about that," said Piergustavo. "These kids will grow up not knowing how to battle adversity and fight through. There's always someone to break their fall. They won't develop the real-life skill, and what's gonna happen in the real world when bad things happen to them?"

Thankfully, there are plenty that will know what to do. Doherty says 95 percent of the parents he deals with are great. The problem is that not only is the minority loud, but it misses the point.

Coaches, for the most part, want to win. So why would they not play the best players? Politics is a big buzzword, and it's something Doherty dealt with swiftly in a recent discussion with a parent.

"I said to him, 'Look, don't worry, because there aren't enough people in Framingham to make me play or not play certain kids,"' said Doherty. "A true coach is not influenced by a parent. A varsity coach is somebody who should pick out kids and develop and create the best players. That's what we do.

"You're gonna play the most talented players. And that's it. As coach, you try to like all the kids. And if they all show up to practice and do the right things, then how do you determine who plays? You determine it by who has the most ability."

Then, you try to win.

Unfortunately, like with anything in life, everyone can't.

Albert Breer is a MetroWest Daily News (Framingham, Mass.) staff writer. He can be reached at abreer@cnc.com or 508-626-3872.

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