Just can't continue like this seeing everyone go about normal daily life seemly happy and content. Whilst I am dying in side. So tired so weak and nothing to offer the world

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Hi Aaron1F,
I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling this low....its very hard and can make us feel incredibly tired just existing..I do know how you feel.
I would like to say that the people we feel that seem happy and content probably arent, they are just a little better at making it seem this way. If you were able to scratch beneath the surface you would see more....
If I may ask, are you in any kind of therapy or taking medication for any particular diagnosis? Is there anyone you can talk to about how you feel? family, a friend, school counsellor, GP? Someone who knows you better and knows what you are good at. We all can have something to offer even if it means coming on here and offering support to others also struggling. Our own story is unique to each of us and you may be going through something which similar to someone and offer them some very good advice for that situation because of shared experiences. Please dont count yourself out of the running quite yet.
I really hope you are able to get some help and support for how you are feeling right now.
In the meantime please take care. *hugs*

Hi Aaron1F,
I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling this low....its very hard and can make us feel incredibly tired just existing..I do know how you feel.
I would like to say that the people we feel that seem happy and content probably arent, they are just a little better at making it seem this way. If you were able to scratch beneath the surface you would see more....
If I may ask, are you in any kind of therapy or taking medication for any particular diagnosis? Is there anyone you can talk to about how you feel? family, a friend, school counsellor, GP? Someone who knows you better and knows what you are good at. We all can have something to offer even if it means coming on here and offering support to others also struggling. Our own story is unique to each of us and you may be going through something which similar to someone and offer them some very good advice for that situation because of shared experiences. Please dont count yourself out of the running quite yet.
I really hope you are able to get some help and support for how you are feeling right now.
In the meantime please take care. *hugs*

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Hi ya, thank you for the reply.Its nice to know people do take the time to read them and offer advise.
To be quite honest I am pretty much done trying to look and pretending to be happy.
I have been diagnosed with PTSD and reactive depression /anxiety.
I am taking medication and have had CBT but it only took the edge off and now seems ineffective as have had many very scary thoughts and been close to carrying out self destruction.
I spent over 10 years in the Fire and Rescue Service and loved it and felt I was giving a bit back to the community. Then sadly had to leave as I was increasingly finding it hard to deal with Road traffic accidents. Although I was able to deal with adult fatalities OK as I had no emotional attachement to the casualties but could not cope with casualties in extreme distress or children. Really have seen things which I really wished I had not but it was my choice.
Since I left found other work easily but was made redundant and since then to cut a very long story short Ive lost my mum had bad vehicle crash and car overturned and other stuff. It's just constant I don't seem to be able to recover or cope anymore. So sorry if I sound like a weak person I never used to be.
My family as in wife and children don't understand what gone wrong with me.
I prefer isolation I shut myself away.sorry to burden you or others but really can't go on really can't.
Can't sleep as it feels like I a wires to the power grid and then when I finally to drop off the nightmares haunt me.
Guess I am a weak person.cant talk face as so embarrassing.
Wish this would all end before I do x

Hi aaron I was wondering if you'd like to be my friend. Honestly I'd hate to see someone go through tough times and I would do as much as I can to help them. Everyone has a purpose in life and no one is here for no reason. Your special. Everyone is in their own way.

First and foremost, how old is the child? Are both your wife, and yourself it's biological parents?

How long have you been married?

How long has this current situation going on for?

Could your wife and you do a joint counseling session, and maybe explain things that way? I get the impression you love them very much. They seem to love you too.

You are suicidal. Do you understand why this happens to us? I am suicidal too. Would you like for me to explain it to you?

What do you think has gone wrong with you? Why?

What do you think would help you? Why?

Are the only mental/physical problems you have listed above, or are there more?

Wishing you the best

Take Care, feel free to read my personal story below in green =)

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Been married 5 years children in their teens and are happy and want for nothing as always put them first.Both biological parents.
Wife don't understand me we are no longer intimate been 4 yes
Can't understand why I feel the way I do.
I think as a person I am done just think my brain has failed in a spectacular way.
I know right from wrong and good and bad. Also know suicide is forbidden and not down for me to decide when I leave earth. But all I want to do is go somewhere isolated where I shall never be found and stop all this pain and torture for good.
Every day I just seemly get worse.
Really should not be talking but I'm done. Im so worthless family would be happier if I was dead.
Selfish I know as people would love the chance to prolong there own life when I'm Contemplating my death

Hi aaron I was wondering if you'd like to be my friend. Honestly I'd hate to see someone go through tough times and I would do as much as I can to help them. Everyone has a purpose in life and no one is here for no reason. Your special. Everyone is in their own way.

Hi aaron I was wondering if you'd like to be my friend. Honestly I'd hate to see someone go through tough times and I would do as much as I can to help them. Everyone has a purpose in life and no one is here for no reason. Your special. Everyone is in their own way.

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Would love to be a friend but right now I'm dangerous as would only burden you further with my torture and make things harder for you.SF is a very good site to talk to others and some give very good sound advice too but I'm Consumed in my problems and would be of little use to anyone anymore.

I am sorry that you going through the problems that you are and feel this way about yourself and others. This forum is here as a resource for people in need like us, and please do not feel that you will be or are a burden for others on SF. We are here to lean on and talk to if and when you need it. The way is never clear or straightforward but there is always the possibility that it will start going upwards in the future. I hope you find solace here; you are not dangerous at all nor will burden us further. I firmly believe that sharing our experiences and talking with others can only do good.

Hi ya, thank you for the reply.Its nice to know people do take the time to read them and offer advise.
To be quite honest I am pretty much done trying to look and pretending to be happy.
I have been diagnosed with PTSD and reactive depression /anxiety.
I am taking medication and have had CBT but it only took the edge off and now seems ineffective as have had many very scary thoughts and been close to carrying out self destruction.
I spent over 10 years in the Fire and Rescue Service and loved it and felt I was giving a bit back to the community. Then sadly had to leave as I was increasingly finding it hard to deal with Road traffic accidents. Although I was able to deal with adult fatalities OK as I had no emotional attachement to the casualties but could not cope with casualties in extreme distress or children. Really have seen things which I really wished I had not but it was my choice.
Since I left found other work easily but was made redundant and since then to cut a very long story short Ive lost my mum had bad vehicle crash and car overturned and other stuff. It's just constant I don't seem to be able to recover or cope anymore. So sorry if I sound like a weak person I never used to be.
My family as in wife and children don't understand what gone wrong with me.
I prefer isolation I shut myself away.sorry to burden you or others but really can't go on really can't.
Can't sleep as it feels like I a wires to the power grid and then when I finally to drop off the nightmares haunt me.
Guess I am a weak person.cant talk face as so embarrassing.
Wish this would all end before I do x

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Aaron you are not weak at all! That is an awful lot for anyone to deal with.....Working in such a stressful and demanding and traumatic environement for 10 days and then to lose a parent must have been crushing. I am so sorry to read about how hard a time you are having at the moment.
Have you had any therapy since losing your mum, because that is a significant loss? have you had grief counselling?
I have not had a great deal of experience with PTSD but I know people who have and its a difficult thing to face and deal with and work through. There are people on here like MOX above who have experience and everyone here will support you and listen to you. No-one here thinks you are a burden at all. We have all needed support from each other and we are here to offer that to you.
Is there a chance of going to your GP with your wife and explaining how hard you are finding things and ask for more support. Then maybe she might understand more about how bad you are feeling. She may be feeling shut out and doesnt know whats wrong and cant help because you havent told her whats wrong....I really dont know. You are hurting greatly and need help. PLEASE get some help.....I am sure your family would be very hurt and sad if you ended it and it would affect your children greatly. I know its the one strong thing i have right now to keep me here.
Please remember.....you are not weak! You are not a burden! You deserve help and support ffor everything you have been through.
Please take care and come back and share your pain with us and allow us to support you.
*Hug*

Hi ya, thank you for the reply.Its nice to know people do take the time to read them and offer advise.
To be quite honest I am pretty much done trying to look and pretending to be happy.
I have been diagnosed with PTSD and reactive depression /anxiety.
I am taking medication and have had CBT but it only took the edge off and now seems ineffective as have had many very scary thoughts and been close to carrying out self destruction.
I spent over 10 years in the Fire and Rescue Service and loved it and felt I was giving a bit back to the community. Then sadly had to leave as I was increasingly finding it hard to deal with Road traffic accidents. Although I was able to deal with adult fatalities OK as I had no emotional attachement to the casualties but could not cope with casualties in extreme distress or children. Really have seen things which I really wished I had not but it was my choice.
Since I left found other work easily but was made redundant and since then to cut a very long story short Ive lost my mum had bad vehicle crash and car overturned and other stuff. It's just constant I don't seem to be able to recover or cope anymore. So sorry if I sound like a weak person I never used to be.
My family as in wife and children don't understand what gone wrong with me.
I prefer isolation I shut myself away.sorry to burden you or others but really can't go on really can't.
Can't sleep as it feels like I a wires to the power grid and then when I finally to drop off the nightmares haunt me.
Guess I am a weak person.cant talk face as so embarrassing.
Wish this would all end before I do x

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I so understand how you feel. Like no understands or could understand. I'm in a very bad marriage but all I want is a child. I keep hoping each month that I'm pregnant so I can leave my husband and start a new life for me and my child but each month I am brutally disappointed as more and more of my friends and family have children and live happy lives. You have children, which is wonderful, but if they don't understand or can relate to you, that must be so troubling. Please just know that I right here with you. Just hoping it gets better...

I'm in a very bad marriage but all I want is a child. I keep hoping each month that I'm pregnant so I can leave my husband and start a new life for me and my child but each month

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That will not happen. If you have a child with your husband. He will be in your life for the next 18 years. No child right now, you can make a clean break, and leave this guy in the dust. Trust me I have been there. I am not trying to be mean or hurt your feelings. I am just telling you what I have been through personally. Take Care