Pokemon Ruby Version - Pokemon of the Day: Azurill

Pokemon have taken a new evolution with Pokemon:
Ruby/Sapphire Versions. The Pokemon of the Day Chick has helpfully
shifted her attentions to Ruby and Sapphire, so you can rest assured that
she has your trainer's corner covered.

As before, the Pokemon Chick will be taking a personal and detailed
look at a Pokemon. You'll find a list of all the moves you will want, and
a choice list of recommended moves you want to keep for your prize pet.

You'll also find breeding chains, Pokedex entries, stats, descriptions,
locations, resistances, gameplay tips and a suggested move set for those
of you who can't seem to make up their mind about what to saddle their
Pokemon with!

Today's Pokemon is Azurill. Ladies and gentlemen...I have so many
things to say about Azurill that I don't even know where to begin, and
that's not even taking her in-ring capabilities (or lack thereof) into
account. Look at it. LOOK. AT. IT. Just as we could tell Rayquaza and Groudon
would be awesome before we ever saw their stats or move compatibilities,
I think we can all agree that Azurill just screamed "I SUCK" the second
we first laid eyes on it. Again, not talking about stats here at all, though
rest assured that that particular rant is also coming in due time...right
now I simply wanna reflect on just how inept Azurill LOOKS. I'd sooner
run screaming from a baby Kangaskhan than this thing...you know, the one
Pokemon that actually NEEDS a pre-evolution, not some newly-discovered
offspring of a Pokemon that was statistically crappy enough to be a "baby"
form in the first place (I am of course talking about the inordinately
useless Pikablu...err, Marill). Anywho, let's just get on with reviewing
Azurill before the caustic intro ends up being longer than the entire rest
of the analysis put together...

NAME: AzurillTYPE: Polka Dot (Normal)HEIGHT: 0' 8"WEIGHT: 4.4 lbs.

EVOLUTION: evolves into Marill when Happiness Rating is
sufficient (read: don't abuse the stupid thing no matter how much you want
to)

CHARACTERISTIC(S): Huge Power (this Pokemon's Attack stat
is doubled in battle, though it will return to normal if a move like Skill
Swap is used), Thick Fat (this Pokemon only takes 50% damage from Fire
and Ice type moves)

AVAILABILITY: Ruby, Sapphire

LOCATION: Azurill can't be found in the wild...much like
Wynaut, Azurill is a new evolutionary form of a pre-existing line that
can only be obtained by breeding under special circumstances. Those circumstances
just happen to be a Marill/Azumarill mommy holding the Sea Incense item
(which can be found in Mt. Pyre)...or something like that. Some people
say that BOTH parents must be of the Azu/Marill persuasion in order to
produce Azurill, but I find that hard to believe given the fact that Azurill
does indeed boast a few hereditary moves from different fathers. So I say
breed a female Azu/Marill holding Sea Incense with whatever you jolly well
feel like breeding it with...if that doesn't work try giving the father
the Sea Incense instead...if THAT doesn't work you can try breeding two
Azu/Marill, I guess...and if that doesn't work, try forgetting about stupid
Azurill for awhile and breeding something you can actually USE. Oh yeah,
and if you need to find a Marill to breed in the first place you can Surf
on Routes 102, 111, 114, 117 and 120 to catch a wild one.

Tickle: Breed a male Whiscash with a female Wailmer/Wailord,
then breed the resulting male Wailmer with Tickle to a female Zigzagoon/Linoone.
Breed the male Zigzagoon offspring with Tickle to a female Skitty/Delcatty,
and finish by breeding the Tickling Skitty this union produces with a female
Marill/Azumarill holding Sea Incense.

You know what? I'm so completely overwhelmed by Azurill's overall
stupidity that I'm having trouble thinking straight. At them same time
I'm rather at a loss when it comes to actually getting any use out of Azurill
in battle. Therefore, I'm gonna mix things up a bit today...usually I'd
just try and cram every little stupid detail into this "gettin' tah know
ya" paragraph (perhaps saving a parting shot for the end), but I do believe
this time around I'll alternate between battle strategy and moronic observations
if for no other reason that I'm going to fall asleep if I try to digest
Azurill's tactical advance all at once. Sound good? I hope so, because
that's what you're getting. Oh, and I do realize there are still many as-of-yet
unappeased Marill fans out there...don't worry; Azurill's review may be
scathing (as was Azumarill's) but I'm planning to hold my tongue whenever
we get around to that little blue hacky sack you people call a middle evolution.

Okay then, first up in the battling department we have Charm. Why?
Because Azurill is going to die incredibly quickly and she might as well
do something nice for the rest of her party before she goes, that's why.
Charm will work in your favor regardless of your opponent's next gamble
(provided you aren't dim enough to waste it on something like Alakazam,
that is); they'll either be stuck with an offensively-weakened grappler
or else be forced to sacrifice a turn switching out. Not that I find anything
particularly charming about Azurill, but Charm has always been a decent
attack for those Pokemon that just stink at fighting for themselves in
general. You might consider Tickle here for a change of pace, though it's
a colossal pain in the rear to breed for...plus I'd just feel dirty recommending
Tickle on ANYTHING. Eh, Whiscash will probably get stuck with it because
I think he looks like the kind of idiot that would actually use an attack
called Tickle, but I feel sorry enough for Azurill as it is.

Moronic Observation #1: Azurill is the "Polka Dot Pokemon"...why?
Because she has white cheeks? Those are the only things even remotely polka-dotty
about her, yet they alone certainly weren't enough to derive her descriptive
type from, were they (otherwise why wouldn't Pikachu and its much more
prominent cheeks be granted the same courtesy, rather than being thrust
into the generic "Mouse" category with the much more deserving and cool
Sandshrew)? If ANY member of this line deserves to be called the "Polka
Dot Pokemon" it's Azumarill, as she actually DOES have polka-dots on her
belly...but I guess she's too busy being the "Aquarabbit Pokemon". Which,
by the way, is quite possibly the single stupidest "type" this game has
ever come up with...not even Rayquaza could pull off being cool with a
classification like Aquarabbit.

I've selected Encore as Azurill's second move simply because I've
been having so much fun with my Charm/Encore Minun lately (never mind the
fact that Azurill learns NO other decent moves). If one Charm isn't enough
to entice an opponent to switch out, perhaps being FULLY Charmed while
forced to repeat the same rapidly weakening physical attack (particularly
if it happens to be the Shadow Ball that Azurill is immune to) will be.
So much the better if said opponent is unfortunate enough to be the last
Pokemon in battle; with no one to relieve them they just might suffer the
unbelievably cruel fate of being FINISHED OFF by an Azurill of all things.
Talk about never being able to show your face in the locker room again.

Moronic Observation #2: Speaking of types, WHY is Azurill a Normal
type?? I have no idea, so please stop asking ME...seriously, I get emails
about Azurill's type all the time, including people who want to debate
with me that Azurill is a Water type when I haven't even said a damn word
about the thing before today! I don't know why it's a Normal type and I
sure as heck wasn't the one who made it a Normal type, but the fact remains
that it IS a Normal type...which really doesn't make sense; I can't think
of a single other Pokemon who changes types so inexplicably upon evolving
(trading one half of a dual type for another, sure, but de-evolving from
Water to Normal?!). Best explanation I can offer is my standard excuse,
which is of course the accusation that the GameFreak designers are on crack...I
just wish they would've tried to avoid some confusion by, you know, making
the thing less Water type BLUE if nothing else.

Return makes an appearance here because that's pretty much all Azurill
can do in the realm of offensive attacks. She does get STAB for the move
and with her Huge Power characteristic she might actually do a fair bit
of damage with it, assuming she actually has a chance to fire it off before
getting creamed. I'd strongly suggest an Agility Baton Passer if you're
seriously interested in doing any real damage with Azurill...IknowIknowIknow,
Hazers/pseudo-Hazers will screw her over, but we're hoping that ONE Agility
won't be a problem (unless the Hazer already happens to be out when your
BPer makes their grand entrance, they should switch on the turn you use
Baton Pass and Azurill will claim the first turn regardless thanks to Agility).
It's a long shot, but if you're actually using something like Azurill I'd
say you're already quite familiar with such concepts.

Moronic Observation #3: Okay, so we're coming to grips with the
fact that Azurill is a Normal type for God-knows-what reason...so then
where are all the kick-ass Normal type moves?! Do you know just how much
it pained me to admit Azumarill could inherit the awesome Double-Edge in
GSC yet would never be able to use it effectively? Give that move to Azurill;
at the very least she'll get STAB for it!! But I guess that would
actually make sense, which is naturally what anybody affiliated with Pokemon
feverently strives to avoid. Couldn't even get a lousy Body Slam for paralysis
chance...Headbutt for just in case Azurill runs into one of the three or
so Pokemon in the game that are slower than itself and can flinch it to
death? Nothing, nada, zip...Azurill, you suck as a Normal type even more
than Marill sucks as a Water type, and that is REALLY saying something.

Protect...because. Just BECAUSE, okay? I know I done recommended
Protect as filler yesterday, but it was either that or the Toxic we've
been over roughly a million times; take your pick. Azurill isn't really
stalling for anything since she's not using Leftovers and is no longer
a Perish Trapper (technically she never was, but people did use Marill/Azumarill
mainly for that purpose in GSC), but you might appreciate Protect anyway
for its potential to give you a bit of insight with regards to how exactly
any given opponent happens to be reading you. Or you could just go with
Toxic despite the fact that fully half the Pokemon in the world would sport
the move were it up to me...*shrugs*.

Moronic Observation #4: Have you ever read Azurill's Pokedex entry?
It says the things "play" by swinging their tails around and using the
weight and momentum to launch themselves into orbit (or something like
that). Children, this is what you do for fun when there's a large oil-filled
ball attached to your butt and none of the other Pokemon will play with
you because you're a weenie. Honestly...as far as recreational activities
go I'd say this behavior is right up there with Homer and Bart Simpson
headbutting each other while wearing kitchen pots as helmets, namely fun
insofar as watching stupid people (Pokemon) possible get injured yet otherwise
pointless (not to mention costly...I have to believe Azumarill sacrifices
a few brain cells each and every time it engages in such an activity).

Okay, enough with the moronic observations (there is a limit to
even my considerable Taurean patience)...Quick Claw assumes you don't have
an Agility Baton Passer in reserve; land yourself one and you'll likely
want to substitute Bright Powder or Focus Band. Leftovers will suit the
RSBot crowd (where NOT having Leftovers is pretty much blasphemy); good
luck getting Azurill to survive long enough to utilize them. I'll take
Huge Power as a characteristic because it's the only way Azurill will be
doing anything even remotely resembling real damage, plus once she evolves
her Water type will be resistant to Fire and Ice moves anyway (making Thick
Fat rather redundant; if an opponent has nothing BUT Fire and/or Ice moves
to come at Azurill and its evos with they're pretty much up the creek already).

This...ugh...I'm at a loss again here, folks. Alternate moves? How
many do YOU see? Azurill can't really do anything...it's like they took
the non-versatility of a Water type and fused it with the non-versatility
of the more rigid Normal types to create the ULTIMATE non-versatile Pokemon.
Surf and Ice Beam aren't even worth mentioning (yet, strangely, I just
did...fancy that), and Refresh would only be useful if Azurill could actually
live long enough to make status afflictions any kind of problem. Iron Tail
is about all you can do aside from Return as far as taking advantage of
Huge Power, though if you're REALLY lucky you might manage to nab a strong
Flying Hidden Power (which will cover both Azurill's current Fighting type
weakness and its Grass type weakness when it evolves). Rest? Fairly pointless
on a Pokemon that can be easily dispatched in one hit. Attract? See above.
What's left? You have your choice of Splash for making fun of the thing
and...Sing. I never recommend Sing because it is so ridiculously inaccurate,
yet some people actually use Sing on Azumarill for RSBot...take that for
what it's worth.

And just like that, I am beyond sick of Azurill. Seriously, YOU
try talking about Azurill for this long and NOT harboring an intense desire
to punt it across a football field. I didn't really save anything for the
closing; I used up all my material in my unorthodox moronic observations
musings...I got nothing left, people! So, uh, I hope everyone enjoyed the
extra effort I put into Azurill today, and if you didn't my inbox is there
as usual to harbor your complaints (I'll most likely ignore you, but you'll
feel better merely for having sent them). I'll say again that Marill is
already promised better treatment than either of her cousins in the future,
but for the time being...I am really, really not liking this line. You
may not be as blatantly idiotic as an Aquarabbit, Azurill, but you still
suck hard.

Here's hoping your Azurill won't be mercilessly slaughtered too
many times before you realize how horrible it is and quit sending it into
battle (cruel and unusual punishment!), and don't forget to check back
tomorrow for what I'd say is a rather hotly anticipated Pokemon of the
Day!

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