DID YOU WATCH GAME OF
THRONES THIS WEEK?
UM, YES. I WATCHED THE EAST
COAST FEED, BECAUSE I CANNOT
WAIT FOR THE WEST COAST FEED.
YES, HONEY. SHE'S ON TOP OF IT.
(GAY OF THRONES THEME MUSIC PLAYS)
GET YOUR PASSPORTS READY
GIRL, BECAUSE SCRAWNY CHRISTOPHER MELONI
IS ON A SHIP, AND SHE'S ON
HER WAY TO IRON CITY BANK.
YEAH GIRL, HE'S GOTTA GET
THOSE WAR LOANS.
BUT GIRL THOSE BUSINESS LOANS
GET'S DECLINED, AND THEN 70S
SEAN CONNERY HAS TO GO ALL
QUEEN LATIFAH IN BEAUTY SHOP,
AND TRIED TO GET THEM TO
CHANGE THEIR FUCKING MIND.
THERE'S ONLY ONE RELIABLE
LEADER LEFT IN WESTROS.
STANNIS.
SO THEN LONG HAIRED
LENA DUNHAM, AND HER POSSE GO TO SAVE
HER POOR LITTLE BABY
BROTHER THEON.
BUT POOR BABY THEON WON'T GO
BECAUSE HE'S GONE FULL
ON PATTY HEARST.
(GIRL): IT'S SO SAD.
SO THEN, MALEVOLENT ANGRY GIGLI,
SEE'S TESTION WALKS ON
IN, AND TELLS HIM LIKE, "STRIP DOWN."
AND I'M LIKE ARE THEY GOING
TO SHOW HIS CUT OFF D?
I WAS LIKE, UUH.
UHH.
UHHH.
OH YEAH, AND I WAS LIKE, UHH.
NOO.
OOH, PLEASE DON'T.
(BOTH TALK IN DISGUST)
SO THEN WE GET TO RENDEZVOUS
WITH CHRISTINA AGUILERA.
SHE'S IN HER CASTLE, AND SHE'S
JUST FIELDING TOWN HALL
COMPLAINTS ALL DAY LONG.
THERE ARE 212 SUBJECTS
WAITING, YOUR GRACE.
SEND THE NEXT ONE IN.
SHE WAS BUSIER THAN COVERED
CALIFORNIA ON APRIL 15TH.
DID YOU SIGN UP?
OH, I TOTALLY DID. SOLO PLAN.
BLUE CROSS BLUE SHIELD-HEY.
SO THEN MR. SOPHIA VERGARA IS
QUESTIONING DR. EVIL TO TRY AND
FIND OUT WHERE HE FALLS ON THE
KINSEY SCALE. YOU KNOW LIKE, IF
HE'S GAY, STRAIGHT, WHATEVER.
AND THEN HE'S SURPRISED
TO FIND OUT THAT
HE'S PROPERLY ASEXUAL.
LOOK, YOU WON'T BE OFFENDED WHEN
I SAY, I NEVER WOULD'VE GUESSED.
SO THEN MUNCHIE MUNCHES STOMPIN' IT
ON DOWN THE RUNWAY,
ON HER WAY TO PEOPLE'S COURT.
(THE PEOPLE'S COURT THEME)
THIS IS THE DEFENDANT...
(TYPING SOUNDS)
(THE PEOPLE'S COURT THEME CONTINUES)
THIS IS THE PLAINTIFF.
(TYPING SOUNDS)
BOTH PARTIES HAVE AGREED TO
HAVE THEIR DISPUTE SETTLED HERE
THE PEOPLE'S COURT.
BUT THEN ALL OF THOSE G-D
WITNESSES ARE PINOCCHIO'ING ON
POOR MUNCHIE MUNCH...
I KNOW THAT HE'S GUILTY.
BUT THEN HE STARTS TO RAISE UP
LIKE CONCHITA WURST, AND HE'S
LIKE ALL OF YOU GUYS HAVE ME
ON TRIAL, NOT FOR MURDER, BUT
BECAUSE I'M A LITTLE SHORTY.
I'VE BEEN ON TRIAL FOR
THAT MY ENTIRE LIFE.
HE'S GIVING THEM THE TRUTH.
THEY CAN'T HANDLE IT.
WHO YOU GONNA CHECK BOO?
I WISH I WAS THE MONSTER
YOU THINK I AM.
HE WAS LIKE, YOU ALL THINK I'M A
MONSTER JUST BECAUSE I'M A LITTLE
SHORTY, BUT I'M NOT.
YEAH, YOUR THE MONSTER.
-FUCK YOU MONSTER!
-FUCK YOU MONSTERS!
I WISH I HAD ENOUGH POISON FOR
THE WHOLE PACK OF YOU.
AND I'M GOING TO FUCKING MORTAL
KOMBAT YOUR SILLY ASS FROM
HERE TO LAST WEEK.
I DEMAND A TRIAL BY COMBAT.
K.O. YOU'RE DEAD. I'M ALIVE.
YOU HEAR THAT CERESI? YOU HEAR THAT
WITH YOUR BIG RAPUNZEL BRAID.
I DON'T THINK SO. GET OUT OF HERE.
I WANT TO KISS YOU RIGHT NOW.
I WANT TO KISS YOU TOO.
(CLUSTER OF SALON SOUNDS)
OOH, YES GIRL. THIS IS SERVING ME ARYA STARK, BABY
KRISTEN STEWART PERFECTION.
WHERE ARE...
MY DRAGONS.
O-OK, I HAVE TO GET BACK THERE.
I HAVE TO GET BACK THERE. THANK YOU.
OK, DID YOU TAKE MY APPOINTMENT BOOK?