It’s the turnaround, underdog story of the K-Pop millennia but, alas, the ultimate prize is only bronze for B Times 3. After getting unceremoniously slaughtered by the Muses in the Heat 3 head-to-head it’s mighty impressive that Dal*Sha’s only two songs have both chimed in for podium placements above the seven 9M masterpieces (except Gun...). Thus is the power, the karma and the K-justice for this veteran girl-group who no doubt would’ve had more songs through if it had been any other competitor they were duelling. Unfortunately, the Dal-ble-team couldn’t hold off Closer from the Top 2 and the one who has to fall is the original high voltage 80’s ode to a really really sizeable chode.

No way did I expect this to come so far, I mean it only managed 6TH in the heats, but there’s little doubt that it deserves its spot in the limelight. Nowadays an 80’s themed K-Pop track is not unheard of or even unexpected – in the last year alone we’ve had a phenomenal collection in the shape of SNUPER’s Platonic Love (and new track It’s Raining to some degree), the one-time only nugu-sive Sunny Girls’ dropping Taxi on us at Ingikayo and the Shabets’ own 2016 release and now mega-finalist Someone Like U. Wind it back to the very first breath of 2014 and we’d had girly, sci-fi, flirty, vengeful and hoedown incarnations of the group. No one was ready for Dal*Shasexy but they gon give it to you anyway.

EAT IT AHJUMMAS

Oh my god almighty and buddha and Krishna and jesus' beard - that opening riff! My goodness, peak Eurythmics has been reborn in the souls of six suited sirens. It’s easily my favourite part of the song and the section where those neurotically fierce synths are best utilized. I get a kick out of everytime it comes on shuffle when I’m walking home – there’s little you can do but strut once the “HUH” grunt signals in that electronic tsunami and the girls start arm-windmilling in the video like voguers stuck in a vortex.

In contrast to the Stellar write-up previously, the Triple B’s mv is actually quite non-descript (minus the boob-wipe move) considering how utterly, and recurrently, filthy the lyrics are. Don’t think I didn’t clock how many times you gals say the Korean words for “so big”, “it hurts so much” and “coming”. How many more times do you want to whisper “You’re a big baby bay-beh” in my ear honeybunch? Not that it’s unwelcomed or untrue kii. If all else fails, you really can’t go wrong with brooding over-exposed lighting, hairography, power suits and 90’s perfume commercial buzz words.

Sympathetique - BY DIOR

Get ready for the “heyyy na na NAH! COMEBACKTOMEBAY-BAY!” to get lodged in your brain and the witch-chant drop-out middle 8 to whirlpool around you in the middle of the lonely nights in love motels. Prepare yourself for when the arm swinging dance moves take over your ailing body. Arm yourself by wailing “ICANTAKENOMORRREEE” as your new personal safe word and be wary of being caught unawares on public transport when you started muttering “I need somebody-ody, I wanna getchobody toni-big-ba-bay OOO” surrounded by outraged ahjummas. It’s an infectious musical onslaught of hooks and it’s the anthem Size Queens everywhere were waiting for.

Bonkers really that Korea almost deemed this a success with a top 15 Gaon chart placing when you think about how progressively terrible they’ve treated the poor Shabert since. Our potential winner Someone Like U only managed #89 with a similar sound & less sexually-aggressive subtext whilst weekend anthem FRI.SAT.SUN has its party exterior burst brutally by landing in #138. Personally I blame Joh-KUH for all this bad blood but that’s another story for another big opening.

Size doesn’t matter they say but it looks like our commentators prefer, nay DEMAND, their bay-bays be jeongmal jeongmal keun if you catch my drift.. A big gaping hole appeared in some people's heats scores after revisiting this. @ThighHighs hadn't really experienced it before he was taken by the B.B.B: "This is another one I underrated based on unfamiliarity. It really is much better than the majority of Dal Shabet's other singles." URGENT NOTICE: @Slice of Life admits to Heats tactics the sassy gurrl (but it's for Dal*Sha so i'll let ha off): "Poor, poor Dal Shabet. If only they were put in a weaker heat (*side-eyes Heat 5*), they would have more songs in the final round. What kind of injustice? Confession time, I actually really love this but I only ranked this 15th on the Heats because I just know that this would survive and the other Dal Sha-bops needed my help (RIP Hit U, Supa Dupa Diva and Have, Don’t Have). So let me correct my ways by awarding this a good score. This still sounds so fresh and hot. The urgency of the song is what makes me come back to this. It just doesn’t let up."

THAT DA-SHALBA REIGN JUST WON'T LET UP

Talking of booty-drops @ryan_riot92 is absolutely this sub-unit's lead dancer but rapper? Not as much: "Undeniably the greatest Dal*Shabet track as well as one of the best songs of 2014. I know all of the choreography and could probably sing it word for word … minus the raps." Dance is luckily an important part of Bx3, @roux clocked it from a mile off. Look, he's got those multi-era references coming out of his kazoo: "B.B.B sounds like it takes a sample straight out of an early 90s eurodance banger, and all the better for it. Bonus point for them paying homage to the album of the decade over a year before it was even released"​

CRJ should write them a song, throw your Korean kindred spirits a bone sis. You want more visuals? Well @ajmkv will give you some... err... visuals: "Pretty great. The rap sections are the best part! My favorite part about it this, though:
I don't even know why that makes me laugh but it always does so thank you AhYoung."

It's not AhYoung's fault. Standing in the presence of Serri mid-hair flick is enough to turn anyone's face derpy. I mean @D is for Danger! has the receipts for the whole of Korea's level of ultra-derp since this was released: "B.B.B aka Bed Bath and Beyond - Easily the best song in Dal Shabet's repertoire, this Shinsadong Tiger masterpiece channels Eurythmics' Sweet Dreams and gives it a kpop makeover. Gaeun's spitfire raps are easily the highlight of the song. Let's not forget the controversy over Serri baring some shoulder during the last chorus, which sent South Korea into a tizzy and had everyone clutching their pearls at the sheer sexiness of her clavicles."

I've not really had chance to do this much but take it away highest scorer @GeiPanda with your overwhelming praise (with a dash of shade): "It was a toss-up between this and my 11. Really hard decision. I just love how relentless this song is. The verses, pre-chorus, chorus, post-chorus... everything is just so immaculately produced. Also, (unlike IOI who basically did a cover of “What A Man”); Dal Shabet makes AMAZING use of an interpolation of Salt-N-Pepa’s “Push It”!"