In Control, Leg 8

By Steve & Dave (08.28.2004)

Ah, nut-bunching, nut-weighing, or in Colin’s case, nut-whining.

Hey! Where the heck is our Roadblock? We was robbed! Instead of a roadblock we had to watch a blockhead. Well, this season they re-did the edited-out egg eating from season one, so we may eventually get to see a version of this season’s “nut-weighing” Roadblock in a future year (that is, if you believe the rumors about the Roadblock that they edited out of leg 8). Ah, nut-bunching, nut-weighing, or in Colin’s case, nut-whining.

Everyone who didn’t know this was going to be the second Non-Elimination leg, raise your hand. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? That’s what we thought. If you’ve seen any of the “spoilers,” this leg was predicted to end in Dubai and a NEL here made sense. The United Arab Emirates (location of Dubai) is relatively wealthy, so the Chowderheads . . . errr . . .twins shouldn’t have too big a problem scraping some money together at the start of the next leg. Just mention “drilling.” The Arabs will understand.

Wow, we are definitely impressed with Chip’s gastro-abilities. Even though they arrived at last week’s Roadblock after Colin & Christie, they managed to finish the leg a full 18 minutes ahead of them. That’s some eating! Time for the second quiz question of the episode – how many of you didn’t know that Chip and Kim would run out of money this leg when Kim was complaining about Chip’s “big tipping” back at the start of the leg? Anyone? Spicoli? Probably the $30 watermelons did them in.

We did enjoy Linda’s shot at Colin once he made it back to the airport – hey, she really is a mom.

We’ve been harping for several weeks now about how these racers seem far meaner than any of the previous seasons. How much more proof do we need? We suspect that Colin is one step away from a major meltdown – and he seems to take that step in the previews for next week. Did it seem to anyone but us that Colin felt that he was entitled to the twins’ spare? We also got the feeling that the twins were almost afraid to tell him no, and if they didn’t allow him to take the tire he would not allow the girls to follow him anymore. We did enjoy Linda’s shot at Colin once he made it back to the airport – hey, she really is a mom.

We had some problems with this week’s Detour. Generally, taking the scarier or more disgusting task is usually the best option because it is quicker (ask us about poop vs. cheese some time). In this week’s Detour, that held true for only the first team to arrive at the skydiving site. Any other team(s) that elected to do the jump would have had to wait a lengthy time (as we saw with Kami & Karli), thus negating the advantage of doing the scarier task. We have experience working skydive aircraft in our job and it isn’t unusual to see two or three airplanes up at once over the same locale, all of them dropping skydivers. A five or ten minute wait between successive departures on this portion of the Detour should have been what happened. Though the file footage showed multiple jump aircraft, we wonder if the show only hired one (which would fit our theory that the producers reduced the budget for TAR5), as that would explain why the need for 45 minutes in between departures.

For the first time in TAR5 we saw major bunching this leg. Perhaps that’s what made this leg one of the best to date. In any event, here are our ratings and icons for this week: “Potential For Finishing The Race While On Bail” (the Monopoly Jail Icon); “Where Are We, What Are We Doing, and Why Are All These Cameras Filming Us?” (the Dumb & Dumber Icon); and “Budget? We Don’t Need No Stinking Budget!” (the Macaroni & Cheese icon).

Colin/Christie:

Dave: Congratulations, Colin, you just made the list. Under what scenario could you possibly think yourself correct when you contracted with a driver for one price and then attempted to cut that price by 50 percent after the fact? Your mock concern about “safety” (and the ensuing story) was a joke. Why not just admit that you lost your cool because your driver wasn’t Mario Andretti and had allowed a couple of teams to pass you? My only regret is that your attitude and harangues in the police station didn’t cause them to hold you until after every flight had departed – even after you so “graciously” threw the $100 at them. Had I been one of those cops, I would have done exactly that – just to watch your head explode. I took the time to look up “Ugly American” in the dictionary, and guess whose picture is smiling back at me? Just in case there’s any doubt, the listing added the following, “see also: Maybe Mirna Was Right”. One other thing while I’m ranting, dude you need to remember that NONE of the money you use in the race actually comes from your pocket. Sure, you might have managed to save a whole $50 - but at the cost of giving up $1,000,000?

OK, deep breaths, Steve. Remember how you felt when you read other racer’s opinions about your efforts in the race.

Steve: OK, deep breaths, Steve. Remember how you felt when you read other racer’s opinions about your efforts in the race. Remember your mantra, “Editing…out of context…incorrect voiceovers…tape manipulation.” Ah, crap. Who am I kidding?? Congratulations Colin, that performance probably bought you a walk-on part as “Mutilated Body” on C.S.I. Miami. And during the Olympics, where the world comes together, shame on you. I hope one of the moms put you over her knee. And Christie? You’ll be getting calls from women telling you “The first stages…”

STEVE & DAVE’S RATINGS:

4 JAILS

1 DUMBER

1 MAC & CHEESE

Brandon/Nicole:

Steve: I saw Nicole’s eyes brighten a little when she saw they were going skydiving. My guess is she talked to Erika. Words like “invigorating”, “freedom”, and “Holy shit! My nipples nearly froze off!” tossed about in her head. I liked the way she told young Brandon what the team would be doing. Did they feel closer to God up there? I love the detours that meet at the same spot. It brings such great footage.

Brandon, when Nicole said she wanted to do the skydiving, the look of terror on your face was obvious.

Dave: Brandon, when Nicole said she wanted to do the skydiving, the look of terror on your face was obvious. You two really need to stay clear of those twins. Every time you get near them you become almost as dumb as they are. How could you possibly drive past a marker flag like that? (I can understand it when they do it, but you two?)

STEVE & DAVE’S RATINGS:

1 JAIL

3 DUMBERS

1 MAC & CHEESE

Chip/Kim:

Steve: I remember our cab ride in France from Orly to Charles DeGaulle airport. As we watched the meter and the clock tick away, we realized our Amazing Race experience was hanging by a thread. We urged the cabbie to go faster but the traffic would just not allow it. We tipped the cabbie a considerable sum for his efforts, not sure if we’d need the extra funds later in the race. I say “we tipped the cabbie” meaning “Dave” as he said his “pockets were double stitched and therefore the money was safer with him.” It’s funny how he had enough for a new TV when we got home. Anyway…although tipping a Parisian hack a few extra bucks does not compare to the men in Tanzania, I think the idea remains similar. It was very important for us to represent our country in a positive light, consequences be damned. All this rambling on my part only means to say how much respect I have for Chip and Kim. They are racing like I’d like to think we did, only faster. The other’s escapades may make for good TV but I’m rooting for the real folks.

You’re just mad because I wouldn’t buy you Doritos each hour on the hour.

Dave: My pockets were double-stitched, and the money was safer with me. You’re just mad because I wouldn’t buy you Doritos each hour on the hour. Steve is right on when he says we went out of our way to avoid being seen as ugly Americans, and to try and present “normal people” from the U.S.A. in a good light. (The first person to mention tire slashing joins Colin on the list . . . .) Right now, Chip and Kim are the epitome of all that is good about The Amazing Race. They are enjoying the folks they are with, taking in as much as they can of the places they see, and generally acting like goodwill ambassadors. Do you get the impression that I’m really rooting for these two?

STEVE & DAVE’S RATINGS:

1 JAIL

1 DUMBER

4 MAC & CHEESES

Linda/Karen:

Steve: We are going to see these two on Oprah soon. She loves any moms with a cool story. They’re still smiling, have a never say die attitude, and by now are missing their kids terribly. And maaannnn, do they need a beer!

Dave: So do I. Oh . . . uh, still like these two, hope they do well, the usual. Now, about that beer . . . .

STEVE & DAVE’S RATINGS:

3 JAILS (this makes sense if you’ve heard the previews about next week…)

1 DUMBER

3 MAC & CHEESES

Kami/Karli:

Dave: After seeing that stash that the “Quick Girls” forked over to Phil, I’m thinking I might need to change their name to the “Frugal Girls.” I’m also beginning to wonder if these two haven’t managed to lose their amateur status during this race. If so, maybe Kim needs to check into some of these “tips” that Chip has been paying out. Was I the only one to notice the Wonder Twins starting the leg by saying, “we need to pause and think before we make our decisions,” and finishing the leg with, “see that flag…stop…what should we do? Let’s follow Brandon and Nicole”? During the leg they also managed to help Colin & Christie (by giving them their spare). I’m thinking that helping out a team that’s finished first as often as C&C have wasn’t the brightest move in the world. Of course, since these two have been one step from elimination more often than not, helping any team wouldn’t be a real bright move.

He looked scared shitless before the jump and I swear I read his lips saying, “I do NOT want to die a virgin. I swear if I survive this, I’m going to boink the first chick that looks at me.”

Steve: If you guys are looking for a quick buck, I’d hang around Brandon. He looked scared shitless before the jump and I swear I read his lips saying, “I do NOT want to die a virgin. I swear if I survive this, I’m going to boink the first chick that looks at me.” Watch out Colin – these two will try to sell the tires off your cab for cash. But if any team tells these two the next leg starts a couple of hours later because “Phil missed his connection”, I’m sure the trout would bite.

STEVE & DAVE’S RATINGS:

2 JAILS

4 DUMBER…ER…ER…ERS

4 MAC & CHEESES

(And our long-running “Tribute to Alison” has been removed. Turns out she wasn’t even close for “biggest jerk on TAR5”)