The Drought Report for August 8, 2012

This is one of those things like the jobs report, where you spend a couple of seconds going, "Hurrah! New private sector jobs!" and then spend the next four or five guilt-laden hours realizing that you've come to celebrating 8-percent unemployment every month. Yes, it is good that it rained, and that thing cooled off in the Easy Bake Oven of the Midwest. But July was the hottest month for the continental ever — hotter than the Dust Bowl in '36 — and also, too...

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"It's definitely better than what we've had but I'd be hesitant to call it a drought-buster. Longer-term outlooks still look like a return to warm and dry," said Jason Nicholls, meteorologist for AccuWeather. Nicholls said 0.25 inch to 0.75 inch of rain, with locally heavier amounts, was expected in roughly 75 percent of the Midwest from Wednesday through Friday morning, and a similar weather system is expected next week. "Temperatures will be cooler into the weekend, much more seasonal, then warmer again next week, but not the extreme heat we've had," Nicholls said. Temperatures in the 80s (degrees Fahrenheit) are expected in the Midwest for the next several days, rather than the 90s F and low 100s F that have been slashing corn and soybean production prospects. "For the next 10 days we'll chip away at the moisture deficit, but it looks warmer and drier again longer term," Nicholls said.

Of course, if you want to make a buck on agricultural and ecological wretchedness, the way those scientists who dreamed up the Great Climate Change Hoax have done, Jim Cramer's here to help!

On the other hand, with extreme heat and limited rainfall since June, agriculture commodity ETFs have pole-vaulted over key trendlines. The current price of DBA is well above a 50-day and 200-day moving average.

Whoo-hoo! Pole-vaulting!

And, surprisingly, if it's really hot and there's no rain, the boating and kayaking industries suffer pretty badly, too. It is very tough to paddle down a channel full of rocks....

Vermillion River Rafting owners Bob and Ruth Herbst, who have been running trips from their Oglesby, Ill., home for 17 years, said they've never seen the river so desolate. The family business normally serves about 4,000 people from May to the end of July, but this year it served fewer than 1,100 customers before shutting down in May. "This is the driest I've ever seen it," said Ruth Herbst, 68, who has lived in the area her entire life. "There are places you can walk from one end of the river to the other without getting your feet wet."

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Luckily, picnickers can now forage for tasty treats!

"The water's so low right now, the boat scrapes the ground," said Fritz, 25. "I have to walk out to the middle of the river to test it to see if we can bring our boat out today." Fritz gathered with family friends at Ferson Creek Park in St. Charles for an afternoon picnic. Children plucked clams off of the sandy beach, an area hidden underwater when river levels are normal, Fritz said.

And people are making do. America! Fk yeah!

Though they are a bit depressed, a positive attitude and a playful relationship are getting the Herbsts through a financially tight summer. Bob Herbst said they usually bring in about $80,000 a summer in profits to help subsidize their retirement. This year they came in just under $20,000. "We won't be going on any vacations this year," he said. With this summer a bust, all they can do is look to the future. "Hopefully we'll get a fresh start next year with snow and spring rain," he said. "Until then, we'll keep checking our rain gauge every morning."

In related news, the Koch Brothers, who have spent at least 25 million of their extraction-industry dollars fighting the misinformation of the Great Climate Change Hoax, are really mad at Zach Galifianakis for being mean to them.

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