12/22/10

Nothing says "aloha" like London broil, or regular roast beef! You don't want your beef to be to marbled. To get a cut of beef with the proper "rind", ask your butcher for a cut from an especially lazy cow, or one with a diseased limb. This will ensure the animal was largely sedentary. Your roast will have a good layer of "flavor jelly" around it. You may want to combine the fat from two or three cuts of meat to get the proper thickness. Roast the roast at 600 degrees for eight seconds. this should bring out the juices in the rind without overcooking the meat at the center. Test the roast by pressing it with a fork. Look for a jet of arterial spray. Did you get wet? Your meal is ready to serve!

You can't spell gravy without "M" and "M" stands for "much", which is what this gravy soup is all about: much gravy! And that makes you say "Mmmmmm!" Create gravy and heat until hot. Serve in 16th century chamber pot for that French excitement that the French are so excited about this season! Parsley in a mortar and pestle adds a splash of color, for some reason.

Hooray for brownies! First, obtain brownies and dollop with high viscosity dolloping compound. Serve coffee in brass beverage lantern for old world flavor. Garnish with a map of 12th century London to remind your husband of the importance of proper sanitation, to avoid bowel discomfort and continental pandemic. Ole'!

Surprise your husband tonight with corned beef and cabbage! Locate beef and then corn it until it looks like ham. Separate beef segments with insulating layers of cabbage disks, to prevent beef from shorting out, resulting in de-cornification. Serve with two glasses of beer and a historic boot of French dressing, to conjure the charm of old Ireland. The table will be extra romantic when lit with electric safety candles.