State Judge: Now, you can demand a trial or in lieu of a plea, you can accept the recommendation of this court. What this court recommends is that you, the defendant, Tom Turner, AKA, Tom the Preacher, Tom the Con and Tom the Worm, you, sir, have one week to find a job. A real job. Nine to five, five days a week, for a year.Tom Turner: Nine to five? That seems a bit excessive.

Kay Scott: It’s about time you wore something besides that old black velvet.Cary Scott: Is it?Kay Scott: Of course. Personally, I’ve never subscribed to that old Egyptian custom. At least I think it was Egypt.Cary Scott: What Egyptian custom?Kay Scott: Of walling up the widow alive in the funeral chamber of her dead husband along with his other possessions. The theory being that she was a possession too. She was supposed to journey into death with him. The community saw to it that she did. Of course it doesn’t happen anymore.Cary Scott: Doesn’t it? Well, perhaps not in Egypt.

Sybylla: I think ugly girls should be strangled at birth by their parents. It’s bad enough being born a girl. . .but ugly and clever. . .Aunt Gussie: Oh, fancy you’re clever, do you?Sybylla: I rather hope so. I’m done for if I’m not!

Rachel Samstat: You probably think it’s very bourgeois to cook for somebody on the first date. You probably think I do this for everybody.Mark Forman: Rachel, I love this. When we’re married, I want this once a week.Rachel Samstat: I’m never getting married again. I don’t believe in marriage.Mark Forman: Neither do I.

Max: All Halloween I’ve been running into someone I used to know.Penelope: This someone – she meant a lot to you.Max: Yes, yes she did.Penelope: What happened?Max: I couldn’t give her what she wanted.Penelope: What did she want?Max: To be free.