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Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Best of Homer Simpson's Quotes

The best of Homer Simpson's Quotes that you can find on internet:

And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every
time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain.
Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to
drive? --Homer Simpson

I know what you're saying, Bart. When I was young, I wanted an electric football machine more than anything else in the world, and my parents bought it for me, and it was the happiest day of my life. Well, goodnight. --Homer Simpson

I saw this movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode! I think it was called, 'The Bus That couldn't Slow Down.' --Homer Simpson

I think the saddest day of my life was when I realized I could beat my Dad at most things, and Bart experienced that at the age of four. --Homer Simpson

I wonder where Bart is, his dinner's getting all cold, and eaten. --Homer Simpson

I won't sleep in the same bed with a woman who thinks I'm lazy! I'm going right downstairs, unfold the couch, unroll the sleeping ba- uh, goodnidght. --Homer Simpson

If something is to hard to do, then it's not worth doing. You just stick that guitar in the closet next to your shortwave radio, your karate outfit and your unicycle and we'll go inside and watch TV. --Homer Simpson

If they think I'm going to stop at that stop sign, they're sadly mistaken! --Homer Simpson

If this were really a nuclear war we'd all be dead meat by now. --Homer Simpson

If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it --Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers! --Homer Simpson

I'll handle this... the only danger in space is if we land on the terrible Planet of the Apes... wait a minute. Statue of Liberty... THAT WAS OUR PLANET! YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL! --Homer Simpson

Kill myself? Killing myself is the last thing I'd ever do. Now I have a purpose, a reason to live. I don't care who I have to face, I don't care who I have to fight, I will not rest until this street gets a stop sign! --Homer Simpson

Lurlee your song touched me in so many ways... and which way to the can? --Homer Simpson

Marge! Look at all this great stuff I found at the Marina. It was just sitting in some guy's boat! --Homer Simpson

Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. --Homer Simpson

Marge, please. Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so that it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use. --Homer Simpson

Shut up, Brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip! --Homer Simpson

Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harassing that woman. --Homer Simpson

Marge, would you please tell Bart that I would just like to drink a glass of syrup like I do every morning? --Homer Simpson

Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman --and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing. --Homer Simpson

Me lose brain? Uh, oh! Ha ha ha! Why I laugh? --Homer Simpson

Mmmm, 52 slices of American cheese. --Homer Simpson

Mmmm, forbidden donut. --Homer Simpson

Mmmm, free goo. --Homer Simpson

Mmmm, Gummy-beer. --Homer Simpson

Mmmm, purple. --Homer Simpson

Mmmm, sacrilicious. --Homer Simpson

Mmmm...fuzzy. --Homer Simpson

Mmmm...open faced club sand wedge. --Homer Simpson

Mr. Scorpio says productivity is up 2%, and it's all because of my motivational techniques, like donuts and the possibility of more donuts to come. --Homer Simpson

No, no, no, Lisa. If adults don't like their jobs, they don't go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really half-assed. --Homer Simpson

Now Bart, since you broke Grandpa's teeth, he gets to break yours. --Homer Simpson

Now go on, boy, and pay attention. Because if you do, someday, you may achieve something that we Simpsons have dreamed about for generations: You may outsmart someone! --Homer Simpson

Oh look at me!!! I'm making people happy! I'm the magical man from happy land, with a gumdrop house on lollipop lane! Oh by the way...I was being sarcastic. --Homer Simpson

Trying is the first step towards failure. --Homer Simpson

Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure...not even close. --Homer Simpson

Son, being popular is the most important thing in the whole world. --Homer Simpson

Son, this is the only time I'm ever gonna say this. It is not okay to lose. --Homer Simpson

Stealing! How could you?! Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain What's-his-name? --Homer Simpson

That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college! --Homer Simpson

The lesson is: Our God is vengeful! O spiteful one, show me who to smite and they shall be smoten! --Homer Simpson

The only danger is if they send us to that terrible planet of the apes. --Homer Simpson

The strong must protect the sweet. --Homer Simpson

There's a New Mexico? --Homer Simpson

They have the Internet on computers, now? --Homer Simpson

This donut has purple in the middle, purple is a fruit. --Homer Simpson

This is absolutely the last funeral we ever take you kids to. --Homer Simpson

This perpetual motion machine she made is a joke: It just keeps going faster and faster. Lisa, get in here! In this house, we obey the laws of THERMODYNAMICS! --Homer Simpson

Uh huh. Uh huh. Okay. Um, can you repeat the part of the stuff where you said all about the...things? Uh... the things? --Homer Simpson

Unlike most of you, I am not a nut. --Homer Simpson

Wait a minute. I'm a guy like me! --Homer Simpson

We monorail conductors are a crazy breed! --Homer Simpson

Well you know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button. --Homer Simpson

Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back...unless your tears smell like dog food. So you can either sit there crying and eating can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food to make your dog come back or you can go out there and find your dog. --Homer Simpson

Well, I'm tired of being a wannabe league bowler. I wanna be a league bowler! --Homer Simpson

Well, it's like the time that your cat Snowball got run over? Remember that, honey? Well, what I'm saying is all we have to do is go down to the pound and get a new jazzman. --Homer Simpson

Well, you can't go wrong with cocktail weenies. They taste as good as they look. And they come in this delicious red sauce. It looks like catsup- it tastes like catsup. But brother, it ain't catsup! --Homer Simpson

We're gonna get a new TV. Twenty-one inch screen, realistic flesh tones, and a little cart so we can wheel it into the dining room on holidays. --Homer Simpson

What are you gonna do? Sick your dogs on me? Or your bees? Or dogs with bees in their mouth so when they bark they shoot bees at me? --Homer Simpson

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts. --Homer Simpson

What the hey, I'll take the job. --Homer Simpson

What's the point of going out, we're just going to end up back here anyway? --Homer Simpson

When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie --Spaceballs. But instead it was dark and disturbing. Like that movie, Police Academy. --Homer Simpson

When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces. Just know they're about to jab me with something. --Homer Simpson

When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV! --Homer Simpson

Yeah Moe that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked! Oh, I gotta go, my damn weiner kids are listening. --Homer Simpson

Yes, honey...Just squeeze your rage up into a bitter little ball and release it at an appropriate time, like that day I hit the referee with the whiskey bottle. --Homer Simpson

You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine. --Homer Simpson

You know, Moe, my mom once said something that really stuck with me. She said, `Homer, you're a big disappointment,' and God bless her soul, she was really onto something. --Homer Simpson

You know those balls that they put on car antennas so you can find them in the parking lot? Those should be on EVERY CAR! --Homer Simpson

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'. --Homer Simpson

You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel. --Homer Simpson

Your lives are in the hands of men no smarter than you or I, many of them incompetent boobs. I know this because I worked alongside them, gone bowling with them, watched them pass me over for promotions time and again. And I say... This stinks! --Homer Simpson