School-age Years

Archived DiscussionThis discussion is archived and locked for postingSee active discussions on School-age Years

g

My 5 year old already having a problem in kindergarten

girlgauthier wrote:

Hi i'm new to this board im due in October. My 5 year old just started kindergarten . Last year he did pre school and they assured me he would be ready for K, he is very smart but very manipulative he really walks all over me but listens to dad. It's only the second day of school and the teacher already pulled me aside, complaining that he won't listen and had some outbursts. She said he was the "only" kid that wouldn't do his work and all he wanted to do was play. I told her he just needs to get used to it again that he pretty much did fine in pre school. He gets bored at home with me and needs to be around other kids and needs to focus all of his energy in K, i thought it would be good for him. She's says he may not be ready yet but she should give him a chance instead of trying to rid him on day 2. Any thoughts or suggestions?

@girlgauthier I don't know what to say to help you, but just know you are not alone. My son also just started K and he is also having issues. And he is also the "only" kid in class having these issues. My son just wants to play and has anger outbursts. I have had to pick him up early twice already and it is just the beginning of the 3 full week of school. He is already being "observed" by a Learning Support Specialist and we have had a ADHD consult with his Pediatrician. Both think he just needs a little more time to adjust and maybe just a little extra attention. He also went to daycare for the past 3 years so he is used to being around other kids and in a structured environment. The teachers have made me think there is something mentally wrong with my child. They are tearing me apart. All I have done is cry and second guess myself.

What have the teachers asked you to do? Have they had any suggestions for you?

m

mommof3

@girlgauthier I cant relate. My girls were fine in Kindergarten. But 1st do you think that maybe he is overwhelmed. New school, new baby. I mean that is a lot for a 5 year old to handle. Now my question to you is how can they kick him out of school. I mean where I live Kindergarten is a requirement. Personally I dont think they are giving the kids enough time to cope. No matter what grade some kids need a few weeks to rejust to school. That is why the first few weeks are just review. Either way good luck. I am sure he will be fine.

g

girlgauthier

Today he come home and told me they are "threatening" him with head start.I never told him that he would go back to head start if he couldn't behave, i just told him that he would have to stay home with me. He isn't making that up! Apparently the librarian guy told him hes "kicking him out" who talks to a 5 year old like that?He liked head start he was used to it and now his mind is made up that if he acts up he will go back there, where he wants to be. To me their setting him up for failure.I may ask for him to be placed with a different teacher if it escalates.

I am sure now there is nothing wrong with either one of our kids!He sounds a lot like my boy and i don't think med. is the answer. Maybe you could try switching teachers too, there is a adjustment period. Since they sat around all summer and played it takes getting used to.

b

brittmom

That doesn't seem like much of a kindergarten teacher if she is ready to give up on a kindergartener on day 2!

Mom and dad should jointly communicate to your son what is expected of him at school. Then let him know if he misbehaves in school or doesn't cooperate with the teacher, both of you will be disappointed. Let him know that you are CONFIDENT that he can do it!

Praise him when he comes home and had a good day. Check in with the teacher and if necessary see if you can peek in to see what is (or is not) occurring.

h

hippiemama

@girlgauthier I had one of the only bad ones last year when my son was in Kindergarten. He did fine in headstart, but by the end of the year last year he had been in the office at least 30 times. He was throwing tantrums, throwing his chair, not paying attention, he even threw his shoes at a social worker! I saw NONE of this at home. He could never explain why he was acting out to us and I had no idea what to do. His older brother is in 4th grade and never even been sent to the office. We just kept going over how he was supposed to act at school, we kept close contact with his teacher (whom I feel now was part of the problem) and rewarded him for good days and punished him for bad ones. Both you and dad have to be involved because if he sees he can get what he wants by pushing your buttons he will try with all adults. We had some improvement by the very end of last year and no major problems yet this year (knock on wood). I think it was mainly a clash with teacher and if you have the option of changing teachers it may be a good idea because once a teacher has labeled a child as the bad one I think they have a hard time getting over it even if the child shows some improvement they still just treat them as the problem child that's making their job harder.

P

PCRiley

@girlgauthier My 5 year old is also struggeling. Is it possilbe for schools to hold back kindergartners from going to 1st grade. He is smart , mostly behavoir issues.

t

tpalaura

@PCRiley I believe the parents have to agree to holding the child back, but I could be wrong on that.

I

Isamommy

@tpalaura Hello, I will try to be of some help. I was an aide for kindergarten. The parent that commented and said they reward the child for a good day and discipline for a bad one is on track!!! In the morning set the guidelines with your lo for the day and if they have a good day make sure you give them the reasons why they had a good day. IE: no throwing tantrum, no hitting..that kind of thing. When they have a bad day explain to them why the day was bad. Also it is VERY important to have a relationship with your child's teacher. You wouldnt believe how much more attention your child recieves when you actually have a relationship with the teacher. I will say this, if after only 2 days the teacher is giving up I would switch the child to another teacher. You CANNOT get a feel for what the child may need in just 2 days. I had a couple kids that just needed a tad bit extra attention for them to stay on track.

I hope that helped a lil :-)

D

DrSuessmom

@girlgauthier With my daughter she had a bad spell in k and what ended up working for us is letting her know what was expected if those things weren't performed she got in trouble and if she went ABOVE we would reward her thing was talking so after 3 days no talking we would reward not everyday but boys may be different and her teacher wasn't the problem bbut that's what advice I can give

N

NicoleF130

@girlgauthier I understand exactly what you are going through. My 3 1/2 year old boy started his first day of summer camp at his soon to be new school yesterday. This is a preparation for children who will be starting there for Pre-school in the fall.

I know my son has a hard time listening at home. He also is rarely around other children, if at all. I work full time and he is watched 40 - 50 hours a week by my parents. Another (maybe insignificant) detail about him, is that he was born Pre-mature. He was a little delayed developmentally in some areas. However, he was given therapy at home and did very well. He has improved a great deal.

He sees his pediatrician regularly and the only concern he has is the mild "choppiness" with his speech. Sometimes his sentences are not put together correctly or make sense.

Anyway... he was soooooo excited about school. He gets there and because he is very excited and this is all new to him, he wants to run around the room and experiment with everything he sees. He prefers to march to his own drum. The class had 10 other kids there and Jack was the "only one" who did not follow the teacher's instructions. Jack did not want to sit or follow the structure of the class. He wanted to paint (as usual) and either walk/ run around the room.

Considering everything about him, I would say I expected this from him. What I did NOT expect was the teacher calling after class telling me it's best if he does not return because he will not get anything out of the camp, and it is not fair to the other children.I agree with the not fair to the others part. She is alone and can not disrupt the whole class due to one child. However, to not give him a second chance is absurd. The best part is that I asked what to do about his behavior to prepare him better for school in the fall. She says " I am not an expert on this, maybe you should bring him to the doctor to see what's wrong with him". Are you kidding! I wanted to scream! Wasn't the point of this to get them used to the environment, so when school really starts they are better adapted? Is not in a teacher's interest or concern to want to help "problem" students? Instead of kicking them out after one hour (especially they're first hour) of any type of structured environment, shouldn't they offer some type of help or at the very least some advice as to what should be done?

Am I wrong here?Any thoughts? I have 2 months to get him ready for pre-school. I do not want him kicked of that either. He really needs to be there. Are public schools more empathetic to a child's needs?

The worst part (tears in my eyes) is that when I got home last night he was the happiest I have EVER seen him! He would not stop talking about school and how it was so "delightful"! He can't wait to go back! My heart aches for him....And..... he was on his BEST behavior. Everything I asked of him, he did, without crying or hesitation. It was unbelievable!

What to Expect has thousands of open discussions happening each day. We work hard to share our most timely and active conversations with you.Archived discussions are usually a bit older and not as active as other community content.We keep them up because there are a ton of great conversations here and we believe you deserve to see them all.

The material on this website is provided for educational purposes only and is not to be used for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, or in place of therapy or medical care. Use of this site is subject to our terms of use and privacy policy.