JLO on Mimi Day

Mariah Carey’s American Idol premieres tonight. It’s the only appointment that should be on my schedule. On all our schedules.

Aaaaand...

Here’s Jennifer Lopez’s face on the cover of PEOPLE Magazine. As you know, it was JLO who vacated her judge’s seat, subsequently opening up a spot for Mimi at a cost of $18 million. Coincidence or conspiracy?

Watch this. Now tell me whether it’s a coincidence or a conspiracy:

That never gets old, does it?

Our poor Mimi. She’s getting it from the panel in the form of Nicki Minaj and she’s getting it off the panel by Jennifer Lopez. It’s bleak! Mimi’s under attack! Check out JLO fronting like she’s all hands-off when Ellen asks her about the Mimi-Minaj situation while her “Right. I don’t know” is really saying she loves that sh-t as much as we do.

JLO is on Ellen and on PEOPLE presumably to promote Parker, her new movie with Jason Statham that looks... maybe even as sh-tty as a Gerard Butler movie. Come to think of it -- why ISN’T Gerard Butler in this movie?

As you know, where some of her contemporaries refuse to discuss their love lives, with JLO, she can’t help herself. So when asked about being the bears with the slum lover in her life, here’s how she describes it:

"I ask him, 'Why don't you go find a young girlfriend and get out of here? What do you want with me?' And you think, 'How long is this gone be?' You think, 'Okay, in 10 years I'm going to be like this and you're going to be like that' and … men at that age are … I think all different things. The truth is we don't know what's going to happen. We're loving this moment right now. We make each other happy."

Did... Jennifer Lopez just tell a national publication, and the world, that she asks Casper Smart, what HE wants with HER?

No.

Stop.

Stop. No. Stop.

So not only does she walk around throwing trucks, money, and jobs in his face, and let him into her bed, she has to QUESTION WHAT HE’S DOING WITH HER??? As is the case, and too often, with JLO, she will regret this, and probably soon. Actually, no, she won’t. Instead she’ll say she’ll learn from it:

"I don't regret (my public romances) – that's who I am. But at least now I'm at a point where I have to recognize that these choices and things that happen are partly because of me and my decisions and I have to be more careful. So I am being more careful."

Clearly.

Also attached -- JLO telling Ellen about her exes and how happy she is for them, especially Ben Affleck. And JLO with Slum Bear at the Weinstein Globes after-party trying not to be awkward with Puffy-Daddy. Look at the way the slum is touching her back. I just found a way to not eat.