Taylor Momsen Is A Real-Life Gossip Girl

The juiciest bits of Gossip Girl this year have been the off-camera antics of the show’s youngest star, Taylor Momsen. While her character on the show is busy dealing pills with the neglected offspring of foreign ambassadors and scheming to steal Nathaniel Archibald away from Serena Van derWoodsen, Taylor has been causing scandals of her own for speaking and dressing like, well, the rebellious teenager that she is. She caused a bit of an internet uproar after OK! quoted her dismissing the crisis in Haiti as something she was "not so much thinking about." She then responded to the criticism with a defiant interview with the Times UK: "“I don’t f***ing care. I didn’t get into this to be a role model."

Still, when it was leaked several weeks ago to Entertainment Weekly that Taylor would be leaving the show next season indefinitely, it was still a bit of a shock. While she has never made an effort to appear charming, she has always expressed gratitude for the personal freedom she’s been given while working on Gossip Girl as opposed to Hannah Montana, which she could have starred in if this were an alternative universe where she did not lose the title role to Miley Cyrus. A universe without Miley Cryus: think about that for a minute. Doesn’t that feel nice?

Did Taylor really decide to give up one of the cushiest jobs there is to pursue music with her band full time, or did the producers reach their limits with her? More importantly, what does this mean for Little J and the rest of Gossip Girl gang? We have already heard that something shocking is going down on the season finale (OMG more shocking than when Serena sorta killed someone but not really?) and it obviously is going to be centered around Jenny, so let’s run over the possibilities.

Jenny dies. This is pretty much the most shocking thing you can with to a main character, not to mention that this is how Josh Schwartz got rid of Mischa Barton on the O.C.. Plus, as the annoying little sister who is always struggling to fit in, Jenny is actually one of the least liked GG characters (Vanessa is still reigning champ-maybe they could take an ill-fated sky diving trip together?), so any backlash would be minimal. The potential shock factor plus a precedence for killing off leading ladies who act up off screen means that things don’t bode well for Little J future fashion career.

Yet, at the same time, this is Manhattan, not the O.C., and people don’t just die in car crashes willy nilly here. Except for Bart Bass, he did that last season. Gosh, Josh Schwartz really loves the convenience of car crash, doesn’t he? In any case, it’s already been done and besides, Rufus just made Jenny move out of the Van derWoodsens’ UES palace, which means she is back to riding the subway from Brooklyn like the rest of us plebians. In season two we learned that Serena killed someone. Except she totally didn’t at all, but it’s Gossip Girl, so it was the shock factor of the initial revelation that mattered. Since Jenny has spent the last season turning into a mini punkified version of Serena-she jacked her hair extensions, her mom, now she’s going after her man – it’s only natural that she follow in her red-heeled footsteps and kill someone. Except for real, this time. Then, she’s sent to a juvenile detention center, indefinitely.

Or, Little J succeeds in her plot to steal Nate Archibald away from Serena, loses her virginity and becomes pregnant, indefinitely, and has to be sent away to France to have the baby in secret and give it up for adoption just like Lily did when she was the same age. This is ideal because it really brings the Lily’s story full circle, and that’s what Gossip Girl is really about: Family. This also leaves things open for a possible Parisian spin-off once Taylor grows up a bit and stops giving bratty interviews. You just know Jenny Humphrey is totally one of those girls that writes in her diary about how one day, she’s totally going to Paris and never coming back.

Whatever Jenny’s untimely end will be, it’s going to be good. Unless it’s not, like that time Serena said she killed that guy, but didn’t at all. Can you tell that really bothered me? Don’t do that again, Josh, or I’m deflecting with Little J.