3/17/2011

I STAY, RIGHT HERE, IN JAPAN

Why does some people laugh when something bad happens in someone else's life? Why does some people seem to be having a joy from someone else's misfortune?

Since 11th of March my friends have been calling me and writing emails if I'm ok. Some of them were advicing me to come back to Europe. It was nice to know that they care about me and it helps me face the reality.

But there were people who were calling my house in Poland and asking my relatives if I am alive not introducing themselves. They didn't care if I am ok. They just wanted to check to have a topic to gossip about. I bet they are laughing and wondering when I will come back.

But let me make some things clear: I stay, right here, where I am now, in Japan.

Why Am I staying? I hadn't been living in Japan since I was 3 years old. I hadn't been attending to school here. I'd never had a chance to make close friends here. I speak fluently japanese but I barely can write kanjis. Whenever I use a metro or train I'm looking for english describsion. I am half Japanese but I don't feel and I have never felt as I am Japanese. I am the foreigner in 'my own' country.

But why should I leave? Why should I go back to Poland? Am I not the foreigner in Poland too? I will never belong to anywhere. And thats why I'm staying here. Where my life wanted me to be. Where I was given to be.

Some people will never understand that. They think they know me but the truth is I was near them only for a while. And they will keep talking behind my back. But I am ok with that. Because my back is the only thing they will see in their lives.

If laugh is your way to deal with things which you do not understand, you will cry when you finally realize how much you hurt people by it.