So, Television is a hot bed of lies, deceit and made up competitions. We can't say that we are that surprised... every job is full of this stuff. It's not like the newspapers currently kicking TV whilst it is down are all that innocent.

We'd like you to even things out a bit. Spill the beans on your own trade. Tell us the dirty secrets that the public need to know.

I used to work for an IVF Lab in Sydney (go on, just TRY and work out the name)
They frequently exchange sperm/eggs with more fertile ones from other people. You can usually tell when this has happened - if you have friends who have had an IVF baby and either the father is remarkably effeminate or the mother is extrememly butch, recommend a DNA test. Seriously, it's standard practice across the world. If you can't get a baby by spunking in your girlfriend's muff, it ain't your baby (or possibly hers, but more likely it's not yours, you inadequate excuse for a man). There was at least one case while I was there where the baby didn't belong to either of them.

They're a lot more careful about it these days, after there was a case in the UK where a blonde white couple had a big black baby boy. You might remember it from the late 90s. These days they make sure it'll have the same colour skin, eyes & hair as the parents.

I should mention that my confidentiality agreement expired a couple of years ago and the only reason I don't talk about specific cases is because of personal morals (I don't think it's fair on the individuals).

Also, one day we all cloned ourselves for a laugh. We killed the embryos after a couple of weeks. They were kept inside cut-off straws and we dropped them in acid.

I killed a mini version of myself.

I wasn't religious before that moment, now I honestly believe that my soul has been destroyed.