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Topic: Response to question about age? (Read 7035 times)

I had a situation come up and I really didn't like the way I handled it.

I had my DS when I was really young. He is 13 now. A lot of times, people will think we are siblings. We correct them, they compliment how young I look. I thank them and move on.

Every once in a while, after we correct them, they will skip the compliment and just ask how old I am. In the past, I have responded with "Old enough!" in a laughy tone. I recognize that this response can be seen as rude, but I can't think of any response that isn't rude. Since I probably won't see these people for a while, I give my rude response and keep it moving.

The situation that brought me here-

A few nights out of the week, I stop at a small convenience store. The cashier is very chatty with me. On this particular night, it went something like this. Cashier: So do you have any kids? Sio: Yes! I have a son. Cashier: A son? How nice. How old is he? Sio: (completely not realizing where this is going) He's 13! He goes to the middle school across the street. You probably see him in here all the time. Cashier: Wow,13. How old are you?

I felt stuck. I didn't want to give my normal answer, because I will have to see this man again and don't want to be rude to him. I didn't want to give my real age, but I don't know why. It's not something I'm ashamed of. What I ended up doing is i blurted out a lie. I said I was 30.

I wasn't happy with my answer. It really bothered me and has continued to bother me. It feels like I'm ashamed of myself.

I have gotten these questions a lot more recently, because DS has gotten much taller than me and has facial hair. I do see this coming up again.

What is a good answer to this question? What should I have said that wouldnt have made me feel bad about myself but would have shut down the question? And, just for my own sanity, asking someone's age is rude, right?

"Wow, 13. How old are you?""I know, right? How did he get so tall and handsome?"

That "answers" the question without answering . And yes, asking someone's age is rude (but I'm sure an exception will pop up)

Perfect!

You'll get some good responses that you should practice saying at home so it feels natural when you respond in public. It is totally rude to ask someone's age, unless you're answering your mother because she forgot it.

I get this too and I'm 40 and I was in my twenties when I had my kids so I'm not sensitive about it. I just answer when people ask. However I'm a little sensitive when people do the math and figure out I got married at 18. That is the only reason I might deflect on my giving my age. Having been on the receiving end of chastisement - some gentle, some not - I prefer not to share that.

People would actually argue with my mother about how we couldn't possibly mother and daughter and had to be sisters (well that was one whopper of a lie her and grandma were telling!). One lady wouldn't let up and I, being a mouthy teenager at the time, said "Do you want to see her give me a lecture? Will that prove we aren't sisters?" she called me rude and left. It worked, though it was probably rude, my tone was not nice.

I did hear my mom give a great response once when someone said "You don't look old enough, how old are you?" and she said "Oh my, depends on the day. Yesterday I felt 15, today it's a lot closer to 90" and walked away with a big smile on her face. I think she said she heard it on TV or a movie something like that. Works pretty well.

I'm with those who say there's nothing wrong with "Old enough!" in a nice tone of voice. I also really like GlitterIsMyDrug's mother's answer. One of my colleagues looks about the same age as the university students we teach, and she's got a whole arsenal of non-answers that she cycles through when the students ask: "Too old to answer that question," "A lady doesn't reveal her age," "I'll never tell," "Classified information I'm afraid," etc. Just because someone feels entitled to ask a question doesn't mean they're entitled to a response!

[Edited to fix a typo in the last sentence, because no-coffee brain doesn't understand opposites!]