‘RuPaul’s Drag Race:’ The Jig(gly) is up

Jiggly Caliente wasn’t the strongest competitor on ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race.’ She wasn’t even the third-strongest. But the queen from Queens slugged it out week after week, sending home rivals with ferocious lip-sync-for-your life moments. Until this week.

I knew Jiggly was in trouble when she decided to go the “serious” route with the challenge, to create a “dragazine” centered around the “battle of the bulge.” It could have made for some deliciously lowbrow comedy. But Jiggly overthought everything and took advice from the increasingly insufferable Phi Phi O’Hara.

Please, someone, anyone read Phi Phi to filth in the Interior Illusions Lounge. Ask her to fix that wonky eye. And Phi Phi AGAIN makes Texas out to be the epicenter of homophobia and ignorance. Honey, you don’t live here anymore. Texas has come a long way. Worry about where you’re at now.

The girls “read” each other during the mini-challenge, which was highlighted by stinging words from Latrice Royale and Sharon Needles. (Phi Phi was awful at it, by the way, recycling insults we’d already heard.)

Each girl is assigned a dragazine theme by the Queen of Reads, Latrice. They’re honestly all pretty mundane, with the exception of Sharon’s kooky, campy Kitty Cats theme. LET’S JUST GIVE HER THE CROWN ALREADY, RU. FOR REALS. (And shout-out to that adorable photographer, right? Mee-oww.)

I would have sent Dida into the bottom two for her overworked magazine presentation and underwhelming runway look. Girlfriend just missed the mark at every opportunity. I get that she didn’t want to go stereotypical with a chicken theme. BUT YOU’RE A DRAG QUEEN. Latrice was right — it isn’t that serious.

Guest judges Regina King and particularly Pam Tillis — who knew?! — provide surprisingly insightful criticism. Phi Phi wins the challenge, though I would have given it to Sharon. And did anyone else think Chad Michaels looked like the female singer from Roxette?

Jiggly lip syncs against Willam to Pam’s ‘Mi Vida Loca’ — great song but not ideal for a drag performance. Neither queen wows. But it almost wouldn’t matter how good Jiggly was — three strikes and you’re out.

Next week, a twist. Is someone coming back? And was that Willam puking his guts out?

Kourtney Paige Van Wales as Dolly Parton. She performed in An Evening At LaCage in Las Vegas, NV., where she impersonated Madonna, Dolly Parton and sometimes Cher, when the slot called for it. Dolly "makes me feel like a million bucks!" (Everett Taasevigen photo.) less

Kourtney Paige Van Wales as Dolly Parton. She performed in An Evening At LaCage in Las Vegas, NV., where she impersonated Madonna, Dolly Parton and sometimes Cher, when the slot called for it. Dolly "makes me ... more

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Transgendered entertainer Kourtney Paige Van Wales as Joan Crawford. She has been in the "field of illusion" since 1986, when she was just 15 years old. (Everett Taasevigen photo.)

Transgendered entertainer Kourtney Paige Van Wales as Joan Crawford. She has been in the "field of illusion" since 1986, when she was just 15 years old. (Everett Taasevigen photo.)

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Kourtney Paige Van Wales as Barbara Streisand. She began her career at Robert's Lafitte in Galveston. (Everett Taasevigen photo.)

Kourtney Paige Van Wales as Barbara Streisand. She began her career at Robert's Lafitte in Galveston. (Everett Taasevigen photo.)

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Kourtney Paige Van Wales as Bette Davis. "Practice, knowledge of your piece, costuming and more practice make the end result fruitful. You can't just throw a performance together and expect it to be anything but a hot mess." (Everett Taasevigen photo.) less

Kourtney Paige Van Wales as Bette Davis. "Practice, knowledge of your piece, costuming and more practice make the end result fruitful. You can't just throw a performance together and expect it to be anything ... more

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Kourtney Paige Van Wales as Madonna. "I don't identity with the term 'drag queen.' I am an illusionist, an impersonator, an entertainer. There's a definite art to duplicating each woman or character I portray." (Everett Taasevigen photo.) less

Kourtney Paige Van Wales as Madonna. "I don't identity with the term 'drag queen.' I am an illusionist, an impersonator, an entertainer. There's a definite art to duplicating each woman or character I ... more

Lana Blake started performing about 18 years ago in Galveston. (Everett Taasevigen photo.)

Lana Blake started performing about 18 years ago in Galveston. (Everett Taasevigen photo.)

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"A great drag entertainer is someone who is constantly improving their craf" -- Lana Blake

"A great drag entertainer is someone who is constantly improving their craf" -- Lana Blake

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Twins Kara and Tara Dion perform all over Texas as a duo and solo.

Twins Kara and Tara Dion perform all over Texas as a duo and solo.

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Marsha Mellow has found success with a spot-on Adele impersonation.

Marsha Mellow has found success with a spot-on Adele impersonation.

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Marsha Mellow as Karen Walker from "Will and Grace."

Marsha Mellow as Karen Walker from "Will and Grace."

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Marsha Mellow is also co-founder of the Mellow-Blue Arts Initiative, whose focus is to provide underprivileged youth with fine arts education and scholarships.

Marsha Mellow is also co-founder of the Mellow-Blue Arts Initiative, whose focus is to provide underprivileged youth with fine arts education and scholarships.

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More Marsha Mellow.

More Marsha Mellow.

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Violet S'Arbleu performs every Tuesday in F Bar's DragLive show and can also be seen at Whispers in Humble Stars Beach Club and 3rd Coast in Galveston and Halo in Bryan/College Station.

Violet S'Arbleu performs every Tuesday in F Bar's DragLive show and can also be seen at Whispers in Humble Stars Beach Club and 3rd Coast in Galveston and Halo in Bryan/College Station.

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"'Violet' was not named or any sort of character outside myself until a Valentine's Day party in 2009, and my first performance wasn't until June of that year while I was living in L.A." -- Violet S'Arbleu less

"'Violet' was not named or any sort of character outside myself until a Valentine's Day party in 2009, and my first performance wasn't until June of that year while I was living in L.A." -- Violet ... more

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"I think the greatest strength of any queen is to utilize her own individual strengths, and even her flaws, to bring something completely different to the audience that only she can. I sing live, which is not something most girls do." -- Violet S'Arbleu less

"I think the greatest strength of any queen is to utilize her own individual strengths, and even her flaws, to bring something completely different to the audience that only she can. I sing live, which is not ... more

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DeyJzah Opulent Mirage can be seen performing at F Bar, Michael's Outpost and all over Houston.

DeyJzah Opulent Mirage can be seen performing at F Bar, Michael's Outpost and all over Houston.

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DeyJzah Opulent Mirage will compete this year for the Miss Black America Plus title.

DeyJzah Opulent Mirage will compete this year for the Miss Black America Plus title.

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DeyJzah Opulent Mirage says she is inspired by everyone from Prince and Donna Summer to Ziggy Stardust and Marilyn Manson.

DeyJzah Opulent Mirage says she is inspired by everyone from Prince and Donna Summer to Ziggy Stardust and Marilyn Manson.

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DeyJzah Opulent Mirage

DeyJzah Opulent Mirage

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Symphony M. Capri has been performing since 1995. "I love what I do with a passion."

Symphony M. Capri has been performing since 1995. "I love what I do with a passion."

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Symphony M. Capri performs at Whispers in Humble, JR's and all over Texas.

Symphony M. Capri performs at Whispers in Humble, JR's and all over Texas.

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Symphony M. Capri

Symphony M. Capri

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Christina Ross hails from El Salvador and can be seen weekly at F Bar.

Christina Ross hails from El Salvador and can be seen weekly at F Bar.

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Christina Ross has held many titles and does beadwork for gowns and designs costumes for other queens.

Christina Ross has held many titles and does beadwork for gowns and designs costumes for other queens.