Everyone hates their jobs, even in easy-going Silicon Valley (Column)

Published 12:00 am, Thursday, June 20, 2013

It turns out 70 percent of American workers hate their jobs or couldn't care less about them.

The other 30 percent work at Google.

OK, maybe it's not that easy, but this Gallup poll has me scratching my head. It's one of the hazards of living in Silicon Valley, I guess. I mean, doesn't everyone here just love his or her job? This place is all about work. It's how we define ourselves, it's where we compete, it's where we can get rich, rich, rich.

I know. Who's we?

I would have gone to Google to ask some of its 54,000 worldwide employees what the secret to workplace bliss is. The problem: You can barely get them out of their sleep pods or the infinity pool long enough to get a question in edgewise. The thing about people who work at Google is that they don't realize they're actually working. It's like a work-hard/play-hard biosphere over there and the word is that some employees haven't left the Googleplex in years.

Google, of course, isn't the only one. In Silicon Valley, workers are pampered to varying degrees with chefs, masseurs, on-site haircuts, oil changes, dry cleaning and gyms at places like Facebook, Yahoo, Intuit, LinkedIn and on and on. Most of the workers at the Internet high-fliers can't even remember the last time they paid for a cup of coffee.

I'm thinking maybe the reason that no one in Silicon Valley hates his or her job is because nobody hangs onto one for more than 45 minutes. Then it's off to the next stop, the better stock-option package or corporate dining hall or luxury-bus-to-work service. It's like the secret to a good marriage: How can you hate something that you spend so little time with?

You read the poll, right? Everybody's read the poll. The Gallup people found that of the country's 100 million workers (what are the rest of you doing?), 20 percent are "actively disengaged." Yeah, that's Gallup-speak for "hate their jobs." What do you mean you share a cubicle with half of them? Another 50 percent are "not engaged." These 50 million are so beaten down by work that they can't even be "active" about their disengagement.

And then there's the golden 30 percent, those co-workers we all hate, whether we're disengaged actively or inactively. They love their jobs. These are the smilers, the today-is-the-first-day-of-the-rest-of-your-work-life set. There's no such thing as a bad day at work in their minds.

In some ways, I'm happy to hear it's only 30 percent. Doesn't it seem the percentage would be a lot higher? How many times have you heard, "Oh, I love my job." All the time, right? There is a term for most of the people who say that, though Gallup didn't drill down into the statistic. They're called "liars."

But I digress.

Could it be that the image of Silicon Valley as a work-loving culture of smiling employees is a little overblown? I mean, sure, Larry Ellison, he probably likes his job, which I think is King of the World. The guy is worth $43 billion. What's not to like?

But of course not everybody in Silicon Valley is rich or even has a reasonable chance of becoming rich. And so maybe Silicon Valley might not be that different from the rest of the Gallup-polled country.

I'm actually speaking with some authority. Earlier this year, my job, newspaper reporter, was named the absolute worst job in America by CareerCast.com, an outfit that is famous for telling you how horrible your life is.

Yep, newspaper reporter was No. 200. Finished just below lumberjack, which, you know, lets you get outside a bit.

Look, of course you're not supposed to enjoy your job. Why do you think they call it work?

And what kind of world would it be if we all loved our jobs? What would happen to #ihatemyjob on Twitter, for instance?