Last night, SNL made perhaps the strongest case for getting a fake Christmas tree instead of a real tree by pulling the manhole cover off the underground tree trafficking trade, which each year sells hundreds of freshly cut fir trees to dendrophiliacs like Fred Armisen. The holidays can be a sad, sordid affair for some people, but that's all the more reason not to buy trafficked trees. In fact, we should all just go without trees because even fake trees help fetishize tree culture, and besides, a baubled Christmas tree is just one, giant plaything for your cat to lacerate while you're sleeping.