Everytime I turn around, I hear someone saying words like "you are more than the abuse" or "you are more than X" or "you are more than Y."

While this is true, in my literal subtractive thinking in this context, what's left of us if we take away the abuse, and the anger, and the hurt, and... you know.

I imagine that when all that is left is the core of a person and their inner being, I think this is the person inside. This is the very heart of this individual, the part they are afraid for others to see for fear of rejection. The thoughts that say everybody is better than me, and yet had it worse off than me. They deserve help, I don't. We long for acceptance, yet feel we don't deserve it. We want to be treated like a person, not like a project, yet the shame rears its hideous head.

Are we more than our shame, or hurt? Absolutely we are. Yet overcoming these needs time, patience, encouragement, support, love, affirmation. These are so easily rebuffed and deflected when the shame is too great. Repeated kindness of others starts to tear down those lies. Sometimes it is hard to find such kindness. But it's true - you, me, everyone here are more than the shame and abuse.

shadowkid
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
MemberMaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437

whats weird seems to be that the very things we see as weak in ourselves ?other people see as the things that make us special! i said it in another post but i really hope for a day when each of us is whole and healed ,but i pray that the core andy talked about?never changes except to realize it is the best part of us it is why we survived . lose the shame and guilt but dont lose the huge heart that dealing with it gave each of you .somehow i got convinced that to heal i needed to change,that i needed to lose the very thing that is who i am . when i think about the guys here i cant imagine them being any better people ,we can win ,and we dont have to change a thing .we can win just the way we are . WE ARE GOOD ENOUGH!

_________________________
its not hard to fall when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

I think it's that core that keeps us going, keeps us from giving up, and finds ways for us to trust and reach out again for the things and people we need in our lives, even though so many times we fear those very things and people.

We can call that core our soul or anything else we like, but the point is that it got us through the bad times, when we had no one to turn to and could see no end in sight. If that core got us through then, why shouldn't we trust it to see us through to victory now?

You're right, Adam, we are indeed good enough - just as we are.

Much love,Larry

_________________________Nobody living can ever stop meAs I go walking my freedom highway.Nobody living can make me turn back:This land was made for you and me.(Woody Guthrie)

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