Latest Bakken-Young News

When a loved one dies, are they cut off from the family after death? Which is more helpful to coping with death, to be active or passive? If you were told to “get lost” as the bereaved, is that such a bad thing?

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Grief & Healing

The death of a parent can hit us hard even as adult children. It doesn’t matter if you have been a caregiver or your parent lived alone and independently. When we lose our parents, for the most part, we lose the figures who had been the most influential in our lives. When parents die, their status in our lives might not be equal to that of an earlier period, however, they were such extraordinarily significant people in our lives (either positively or negatively), and as such, that makes their death special. The meaning of our relationship with our parents in our lives at the time of death determines the importance of this loss in our lives.

As a hospital chaplain, I have held the sacred privilege of discussing end-of-life wishes with the dying. A common response of the dying is that they would like to die quickly, peacefully, at home and in bed. While providing support to the bereaved, in sharing their experiences of death, they regularly discuss which is worse, sudden death or anticipated death? In both experiences, sudden death and anticipated death, pain is experienced and the pain is significant. How we cope, is what makes the difference.

When a Child Suffers Death, What Should You Say, What Do You Do?
Children grieve too. Yet too often we try to protect bereaved children from the pain of death and loss by not including them, struggling with what to say, trying to lessen the pain of death with phrases like, “grandma is sleeping” or “your father has gone on a long trip,” and struggling with how to best help them. “What a teacher once said to me,” explains Dr. Shelley Gilbert “is if a child’s old enough to ask, they’re old enough to hear the answers.”