Confessions of a modern-day renaissance woman

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I’m going to take a moment and date myself. In 1989, Vachon (manufacturer of the pastry called “Flaky”) ran a commercial about a woman – a very scattered woman – that annoyed me to no end. In those early teenage years I used to wonder how someone could be so scattered, so bewildered, and yes, flaky? And now, in an ironic twist of fate, I AM HER!

There are days when it’s a wonder that I’ve managed to actually put myself together, get the kids to school with packed lunches and homework completed, and then myself to work. How does one do it? Autopilot mostly. But this particular morning, my autopilot had a massive glitch and here’s what happened instead:

I forgot that I changed the station on my circa 1990’s alarm clock from the news to music in an effort to make my “reveille” much more civilized but though my intentions were good, all that resulted was that my dreams were set to great background ambience – in other words, I got up more than half an hour later than usual.

The 3 year old (almost 4) woke up with an extremely runny nose and I spent about 10 minutes trying to fish out…well, he calls them “burgers”…

The 7 year old remembered that he forgot to remind me YESTERDAY that Mondays are library days and since we’ve already lost one book, I thought it might be wise to spend a few seconds looking for the latest one borrowed before I end up funding an entirely new collection of books at the school library. Only, it never actually takes a few seconds…AAARRRGGGHHHH!!!

Just when I thought I was finally ready to leave, a quick final glance in the mirror and I found more greys in an already, severely damaged section of my head thanks to the trials and tribulations of PREGNANCY from which, after four years, my hair is STILL recovering (on most days, side parts are sadly, a thing of the past).

My skirt hem came undone, the plastic thingy at the bottom of my car door is on the verge of falling off, my so-called winter boots which do nothing to keep out the cold also proved that they are useless in keeping out the snow and my poor toes have transformed into pale, blue nubs at the end of my feet, and after taking three times longer than usual to drop off the kids at school, I realized I had left my laptop at home and would be adding another hour and a half to my morning commute.

These occurrences must be a sign of my frozen brain – the electrons are just not firing. So quick, FIND WHITE, STARK, PADDED CELL. Failing that, stay at home; only then can one be sure to avoid more mishap. Besides, change of routine can be good, so today is work from home day. I can be much, much more productive – no disruptions, no social coffee runs, no discussions of how the weekend was (which in my case was a bit of a bust so fortunately, no need to rehash) and no temptations for a heavy, calorie laden lunch (poutine, pasta, chicken pot-pie…it’s that kind of a day…) No, I will stay at home, get all of my work done tout-suite, and have a very healthy lunch which will surely fuel my brain to produce some of the best work ever seen!

Right. Laptop fired up. Logged onto work network. Ready to go. But wait…it feels a little cool. I’ll just go and put on a sweater. Yay, love working from home. No high heels, or suit jackets required. Wow, it’s still really cold and the house temperature appears to be normal…oh no, am I going though perimenopause? (I have an irrational fear of menopause and everything related to it – seriously, just the mere mention of it sends me straight to anxiety-ville) But wait, that’s hot flashes, not chills, that must mean…oh no, am I getting the 3 year old’s cold?? Ukh…

I can’t concentrate. Maybe I just need to tidy up – clear work environment equals clear mind. Done. Now what? Write report or do research? Speaking of research…I still need to book that hotel in Whistler and check out a good Prosecco for a very dear friend… No! Must do work. Must be productive. A quick glance at the bottom right of the screen and I’m saved. No wonder I can’t think…it’s almost lunchtime. Yes, surely I’ll be more productive after some nourishment.

Oh. My. God. I am full. I think I just need a nice, warm cup of coffee to help me digest…

The distractions are everywhere…the excuses, limitless. But I finally hankered down, got some work done, recommended a Prosecco or two and even checked out some hotel options, and the truth of the matter is that it did take a lot less time to get stuff done here, than it would have at the office. So now, I’m going to take my annoying, flaky self, and do something I never have a chance to do on a regular work day…PLAY. The sun has peaked out from behind the clouds, the snow looks soooo inviting and despite my soggy boots, I’ve just gotta get out there because before I know it, I’m going to have to leave my little padded cell and re-enter the real world.