Friday, August 09, 2013

The last couple of months have been
quite tempestuous for me. One can always feel the storm and
turbulence it brings along within, when it’s anything to do with
fulfilment. If you are not happy, whatever be the reason, it’s
bound to convulse your mind. It keeps going back to that issue. No
matter what starting point of your argument is, subsequent arguments
are framed to your line of thinking and you reach the same conclusion
yet again but with increasing intensity.

My situation took me to extremes; there
was hardly a moment when I was thinking of something else. It almost
paralyses you, so much so that I took a complete break from the
situation. I then revisited the challenge. The question haunts and
pounds heavily. If it’s not that intense it’s not a big real
problem. One also needs to stay comfortable in that uncomfortable
zone. That zone could run into days and weeks. The violent shake and
prolonged stay in that zone helps one carry out some real
introspection. You then cannot afford to stay at the surface. You are
forced to peel off layers and the process reveals deep insights. And
those insights are priceless. Traditionally held notions are tossed
and ones appeared to be on sitting on periphery make their value felt
and emerge stronger. Overall you are able to differentiate between
variables basis what is truly important and of value.

In this ‘mansik manthan
(mental churn)’, I learnt a lot. I came out awakened and alive to
myself, my loved ones and my friends. It reminds me of the ‘Samudra
Manthan (churning the ocean)’ talked about in Puranas. I
always saw that as pass-time folklore. I am now able to better
appreciate what our forefathers were trying to convey. The jewels
which manthan released were nothing but insights. The ultimate
output couldn’t have been anything else but Halahala (most
lethal poison), which is akin to succumbing to the thoughts and
sliding into depression or Amrita (nectar of immortality),
which I think is ‘absolute clarity’ or ‘truth’. ‘Truth’
and only ‘truth’ has the power to stay immortal.

The biggest of all insights was value
of my relationships. Relationships I took it as granted and at times
ignored - what it means and how important it is in my scheme of life.
The experience helped me re-value them. I was able to see through
clearly what it meant. It made giving up big money and title a simple
affair.

It was also about the confidence on
oneself, the power and strength to stick to the truth, irrespective
how you get perceived at that point, the conviction in the
immortality of the Truth and act on it. In my case it was about
entering into a new relationship. I could not have started on false
foundation and still believe that it would take me far. Staying with
truth brought me inner peace, which is immeasurably more important
than anything else. Staying with truth helped me stay comfortable
with trade-offs and not repent, then or ever. Stay with Truth helps
you hear ‘the inner voice’.