How To Turn To Jesus When You Feel Like A Hot Mess

I am in the midst of a transitional season. I gave up my space, my home in Hawaii, and my husband and I are now at home in Michigan. Except, we don’t have a home.

My parents have graciously opened up their home to us, and we are grateful. But going from a quiet, adult-centric home to a home filled with activity and young life has been a change.

The noise is welcomed, I often struggled in Hawaii with the quiet after growing up in a house that was constantly bustling.

I’m overwhelmed simply writing this because, instead of my usually sleepy dogs at snuggled against me, there are three dogs wrestling at my feet, knocking the ottoman away from me. The idyllic, Instagram-worthy life I try to curate is nowhere to be found.

I feel a little like the Israelites, wandering through the desert for years on end, wondering if they will ever find a home, a place to put their roots and reclaim my little bit of the Eden to come.

I am craving life-sustaining peace.

It is my tendency to search, frantically, for the fix-it tips the internet provides.

But I don’t need tips or tricks to bring peace to my heart. And while, inevitably, some things will be easier when the transition settles and I can find both shoes in a pair, the heart issue won’t change, it will just be less evident.I don’t need self-care, I need soul-care because deep down, I’m a hot mess. And no about of splurging or bubble baths will clear that up.

Because this season, this time of pressing and stress, is a time of refining fire.

While circumstances might make it easier to hide my selfishness, my anxiety, my inability to cast my cares at the feet of Jesus, that doesn’t mean I am not selfish, anxious, or able to surrender to God.

The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks. – Luke 6:45, ESV

My heart is revealed in these times for what it truly is. But these are also the times when Christ sees the state of my heart and works with His refining fire. I can see the natural state of my heart and allow Him to work in that brokenness to make me a woman who truly seeks His peace in transitions and confusion.

While I would love to pretend like my everything is held nicely together, always tied up with a Pinterest-perfect bow, it’s simply not the case.

It’s easy to present the Pinterest-perfect, Proverbs 31-esque life when things are going my way.

But when toddlers are spilling water in my lap during my morning quiet time, when I can’t cook in my own kitchen, and when I have no room of my own to retreat to at the end of a long day, that’s when I realize what a hot mess my soul really is.

Thankfully, the Jesus didn’t come to redeem my picture-perfect moments but for the difficult times when I want to run the other way and spew the nasty words. He came to meet me when I am stretched thin, at the end of my rope, unable to continue on in the path to holiness but through His grace.

If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them.And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same.And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil.Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful. – Luke 6:32-36, ESV

These situations aren’t situations to run from or excuse, they are situations that open my eyes to the true depravity of my soul.

Instead of trying to change my situation, I need to change my heart.

Tips and tricks might band-aid the outer appearance, but only the Prince of Peace will work in my heart to change who I am.

So in these next few weeks, I’m going to reorient my heart around the Prince of Peace by focusing on who He is and what He has done.

Instead of focusing on avoiding situations that will highlight my depravity, I’m going to focus on habits that will point me to Jesus and remind me that my frazzled, broken heart is His.

I’m taking my own 10 Days to Peace challenge, the one I wrote last year and revamped a several weeks ago, because it’s what my heart needs. I didn’t know then, but God was preparing those words for my soul even as I wrote in the Starbucks.

Will you join me? Your heart might not be as frazzled as mine or it might considerably more battered by the spiritual warfare happening around you. But we all need more peace.

We all need to turn our eyes back to Jesus and away from our circumstances. And this 10-day journey will equip you to do just that.

So let us, you and I, take these next 10 days and make them the beginning of a new chapter in our lives. A chapter where we don’t run from the hard things, the things that show what we’re truly made of, but use them as an opportunity to turn to Jesus to allow Him to remake us into His image.

I feel your pain. My husband and I just moved to our first house, a fixer upper that still has some projects that need to be done before we can fully unpack. It’s really been throwing me off that my house isn’t in order and I’m tripping over boxes and there are things I can’t find. It’s also a good reminder, as you’ve said here, that Christ is able to give us peace even when our lives are in chaos. Hopefully we’ll both be more settled soon! In the meantime, it’s nice to know I’m not the only one feeling out of wack because of housing.

“The heart issue won’t change, it will just be less evident.” Wow – that so spoke to my heart. We often pray for the fix of a time or a thing, but we forget that there’s a deeper resolution that needs to be found. Amen. Thank you for this reminder.

Thanks for sharing this, Bailey. The perfect, Instagram curated life is exhausting to keep up with (and to watch from the outside, too! lol). We are in a transition, too – getting ready to sell our house and move. We thought the move was happening last summer and packed up. It didn’t happen, and we never really unpacked, anticipating a move soon. So, I’ve been living out of boxes, an undecorated home that doesn’t feel like mine or a home, for over a year now. Normal to feel unsettled, but it has pointed me again and again to the reality that this world isn’t my home. And, I have twin toddlers, so I know what that lack of serenity is like (they invaded my quiet world, too!). Thanks for pointing back to the true source of peace in all our upheaval! 🙂

It seems to be the season for moving. Such a good reminder that this world is not our home and that we need to long for the ultimate home that Christ is preparing for us. Thank you for that reminder <3

I’ve always liked the saying “bloom where you are planted”. It reminds me that God can take any situation and help me to bloom if I have the right heart and mindset about it. Thanks for sharing and being so transparent! Praying you can find peace (and a new home) soon!

I totally agree that self-care is often used as a bandaid for a condition that in actuality may require surgery. We can only touch what’s on the surface, but the Spirit offers deeper healing. Thankful for your words that prod me to take a closer look.

“But I don’t need tips or tricks to bring peace to my heart. And while, inevitably, some things will be easier when the transition settles and I can find both shoes in a pair, the heart issue won’t change, it will just be less evident. I don’t need self-care, I need soul-care because deep down, I’m a hot mess. And no about of splurging or bubble baths will clear that up. ”

I’ve been going through this hot-mess stage in the past few weeks because of my washer! Our washer finally went kaput last week, which really sucks. I didn’t realize how much I relied on it and took it for granted (though, I mean I did have an idea). Anyway, ordered the part to fix it, to discover that it was backordered and I have THREE WEEKS to deal. So we’re sort of in limbo, trying to cope with this darn washing machine problem and meanwhile the rest of my house is suffering (despite the hours I’m spending washing the laundry by hand).

“He came to meet me when I am stretched thin, at the end of my rope, unable to continue on in the path to holiness but through His grace.” So thankful for this reminder. That when I’m exhausted, grumpy, and frustrated, that God is so very gracious and that He will work on me even in this time. What a blessing that truly is!

I love how you mention that turning to self care (bubble baths and spa time) will not be what helps your inner self, your soul, it will not be what creates peace within. I’m actually working on a writing similar to this. Our society is so lost in thinking turning to all these empty things will help make them whole. It’s only by the power of our Most High, our King Jesus that will help our depleted anxious self!!! Beautiful Suzie!! Keep pressing forward in sharing truth!!

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Aloha! I'm a Michigander who enjoys copious amounts of coffee, reading excessive amounts of books, and snuggling with my husband and dogs. My life has led me from Michigan to Hawaii and back again.

I have a deep love for the Lord and a His Church. His love and grace mark my day by day walk and dependency on Him.

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