Friday, 25 January 2013

The first time I stayed up at night,since the day am back to my awesome home.Trying to avoid sleeping late when am home. Nevertheless, kick is urging me,this night.Sitting right in front of my desk, in this silent night.Love to study in the silent night, kick is just a glut when the night comes.Silence fills the night air.Unspeakable familiarity filled my lil heart. When my eyes swept over the entire desk, I saw lots of memories. Those days I burnt midnight oil for my STP's Maths T and Biology. Those years crazily pursued for my dreams and striked for my targets.Those silly trice when I kept pushing myself to work hard for a terminal.

Those times I sat in front of my desk and prayed for everything.Those moments where I caught myself smiling alone and tearing right in front of the desk.Those seconds when I sat there anxiously and went off into wild flights of fancy.Those wonderful jiff when I received the concern that I'd been waiting for.Those dark nights where I spent my time for a lonely heart.Those nights where I waited for an companion, unconsciously.And after so long, am back to my lil domain. The place I spent my STP life with. The memorable lil study desk, my lil wonderland.And carefully, gradually,I have to wrap those memories debris and tenderly, preserve them.So to let my smile persist along my journey,without the existence of those memories.

So eventually I gain my kick, during my deep sleep this early morning.

Dreamer.

Writers are dreamers. I believe. Most of the time.

Scenes appeared and conquered the nights, with chill , with warmth, with laughter, with smile, with fear and, with tears. Numerous time waking up with watery eyes and silent expression. The next moment, the dreamer turns herself into a writer, in her world.

A dreamer is a writer. A writer is a dreamer.
Turning all fragments of dream encountered into words is never an easy task. But I enjoy. Savour the happiness in the entire process. Every time I encounter the person in my dream, am blessed that, I never slip you out of my mind. I know I would never forget those memories, regardless of how hurtful they are. So I jot them down into words and preserve them, carefully, gently.
Silly? Perhaps. But this is just the way I am.

Cause you would never know, when a person put your name in her pray in the night.

Writers are journalists. I believe. Most of the time.

Both of them are social scientists who go in parallel every time they carry out their observations.Observe, not stalk.
To love, is to keep in the bottom of our heart.And record every moment in our lil mind. And always pray that they are safe with the blessings of God.
Its a bless, to record every happy moment, and appreciate every single lil thing that is gifted to me.

"Sis, how have you been?"
So I received a simple text from my lil bro yesterday.

How adorable he was. To let me know that he has made a new girlfriend for half of the year already,and told me her fb name.

"I want you to be a great boy, yet I dont want you to be hurt."

Showering a love to a lil bro, I wish he is not going to be hurt again. Knowing him during my high school life. And he is such a candor silly boy.And now he is a lawyer wanna be with a girl by his side. Sincerely wish that he has found a right one and always keep his smile on his reddish cheek.

See, a simple matter can be one of the chapters in my journal.

I dont fall for someone easily,but I love everyone around me.
We human are mandated to spread our love.

Writers are travelers. I believe. Most of the time.

I carry words with every step of mine.Words twisted and structured in my lil mind every single moment. Being lil silly, yearning to be a traveler and voyager is my lil yet large wish. And shoot every single view on earth.Hey you, be my photographer, will ya?

Wishing to be a traveler, a writer has plenty of plan and blueprint for life, which are yet to be crystallized. This is the reason why once I answered my English teacher, I only get into marriage in the age of 32. Cause life is too short for many things to be completed.
Countless stuff are awaiting me.

Writers are hope giver. I dont deny. Sometimes.

Words are essential in my life. Being a word person, I express my feelings via every single alphabet and stroke. No doubt, you can trust me when I say I miss you or I love you. But please forgive me, sometimes am just unable to overcome myself and sometimes, I told myself to step back. I hold myself back, for some reasons that make you to say that am unpredictable. And, ego is always the sharpest weapon that seize me.

Only if we can be who we are till the end of the day.
There are always reasons why I refuse somethings and hold myself back.

Sunday, 20 January 2013

So I named this post with this title. Meaning? Beats me. This post of mine today supposed to be a very paramount one, to me.Simply because this is the first and last blog since I left my blogger world before departing to uni,with unspeakable feelings. Nevertheless, I started it with numbness, in this breezing afternoon.
Pathetic? I guess.And you are the crux of my numbness. Frankly.

Yea, I dont give a damn.

This song keeps repeating in my lil mind. Cant stop listening to it. Some memories just colonized my lil brain. Especially after some pictures clearly appeared and flash over my eyes.

Back to the purpose of blogging today. I have completed my first semester in my uni. Like it or not, I ve undergone every moment of my uni life with laughter and blessed smile. It isnt a choice, it is a decision. I got strength from everyone who loves me. Appreciate what am gifted.

Blaming myself for abandoning my blogger world as it is such a huge waste for not jotting down every single second and moment I ve gone through on that piece of land where I have never thought of going. And of course, lots of pictures are not able to be included in my lovely EyeMine. Wasted.
But, please allow me to defend myself, my life is indeed damn busy, even now during holiday, am still on duty. Events are awaiting.

You know what, the people I have met, the experience I have assimilated, the love I have felt and the tiredness and exhaustion I have experienced,they lighted up my life. From study stuff to event management to gorgeous friends and housemates, I have a great uni life. Growing up? Yes. Affirmative. I have never felt like this before. Its so much different from the me in years ago. Participation and involvements which my mommy wont ever expect me to do.Doubt, what has changed me. No doubt, nobody and nothing. I changed myself. Perhaps,no changes at all.Or these are what I really keen to do.

Some people and some lessons taught me to be calm and determined and strong. And only smile can bring calmness and peace in deep heart. Agree or not, I dont know. But this is how a pair of Eyes look at the world. This silly girl,looking the world.

Knowing what is the most prioritized goal and thing to be achieved is the only route leading to a simple life. To make life simple is to know which route is ought to be taken. Remembering you told me to look forward, I told myself to inhale every breath in my daily life. Everyone is having own life. And mine, simple to say, happy life.

Life is short. One semester in a land which I have never been to and far away from family, I encountered countless sucks things as well as wonderful scenes. Its my learning stage. Life isnt easy man. People surround me are leaving one after one,it is so real and those heard from friends indeed made me chilled. Afraid? Nope. Yes. Perhaps. Afraid of losing people I love. In life,we never know what is the next piece of chocolate we are going to grab from the chocolate box.

Somehow, one day,I will overcome myself and accept the only thing that I have not accepted yet,till today. It takes time. I pray.

Just to appreciate what is gifted and fated.

We cant change, " But we've to question."
Throughout a long conversation with my beloved bro,this is what deeply imprinted in my lil mind. We have to question. And I have too many questions,yet to be answered.
But sometimes,knowing that they arent going to be answered, I created my own scheme.

Still seeking for some kick to back to my EyeMine. Have too much to express.And thousands of mesmerizing pictures taken during uni life are to be kept in my lil world.

Finding myself is more keen to express my feeling to the persons I love,nowadays. My lovely roommate once told me, perhaps am a "Word person". Perhaps. Theres a person who taught me to speak more of sweet talks. Sweet talk, but they are true and sincere when they are spout out from me. At least, people are pleasant with the words, sometimes. And you know what, it is blessed when the person you love smile brightly when you say that to them.

Thats is why I told my bro that I miss him during the Xmas night,which I never said that to him before. Give me clapclap,Kor :P

So am back in my lovely home last week. Happiness embracing me even till today. Being a girl who never have any sign of homesick, I was so delighted during the exam week cause it is really pleasuring whenever I think of the day when am back here. When mommy asked me, did you ever missed home? Nope. Affirmative, no. I left home with a heart of leaving. Rather than spending time missing home, I spent more time intoxicating in my Statistic and Anthropology & Sociology.

But you will never imagined how a silly girl singing aloud ,telling the world shes going home.

While every grown-ups asking me the similar questions when they meet me after so long, I replied with the same answer,“Am okay and everything is fine.” Yet, I see the satisfactory smile on them. And these are my honor.

Drenching in the rain of love, thank you for loving me. Pray that coming learning stage would be a funky,challenging and comprehensive one. For now, let me look you in my eye.

Wishing to get back my kick in my loving blog. Waiting.

One day at a time.

So I ended my words with the song "Times of Your Life " by Joanna Wong.