Wednesday, October 24, 2012

A lot of things, really.

Compared to the things that I have had to experience the last few days, dinner with my mom was a walk in the park.

She's finally starting to come to terms with the fact that I am indeed leaving in February, and there is absolutely nothing ANYONE can do to change that. She gave me this long lecture about "God's plan" and how she now understands why things have turned out the way that they have. If that reasoning helps her find comfort, then I am okay with everything.

A lot of things have happened between my dad and I that I don't feel I should publish openly. I told the Blogger Family what happened, and they were very supportive and offered really comforting words that I appreciate more than I will ever be able to convey.

I've lost a lot of respect for my dad, and it will be a long time before the accumulated resentment will fade. Without getting into too much detail, I was very shocked to find out that my dad and his side of the family is highly racist. Like, they genuinely believe that because of someone's skin color, they are less of a person. This is something that I can NEVER accept.

There's a lot of backwards logic because my dad married someone who wasn't white--- hell, someone who wasn't even an American, but that was ok. I have always thought of myself as an interracial individual. In the eyes of strangers and everyone that I meet, I am not white. My dad, however, believes that I am and should therefore date/associate accordingly.

I will NEVER judge someone based on their race, orientation, or gender. And my dad's "reputation" be damned, if someone is a good person, then I see no problem with any type of relationship with them.

I'm just thankful for everyone that was there to comfort me during this conflict that was extremely unnecessary.

Right now, I'm so done with the entire situation. I will be cordial to my dad, but everything is NOT ok between us. I'm spending the weekend with Rebekka to sort of just clear my mind and get away from the negative environment in my house.

To end this post on a positive note, I sent my All Hallows Read book to Amy, and she got it in the mail today! I've been watching my post like crazy for my package! I have no idea who sent it to me, or what book I'm getting--- which adds to my excitement because I love surprises!

Anyway, right now I'm compiling an "Everything Will be OK" playlist to bring some brightness into my life, and I am doing yoga. I am being zen.

Everything will be okay :) In time I do hope that you and your dad can reconcile. If he isn't willing to let this go then he could lose his daughter, and if you aren't willing then you could lose your dad. I do think you're in the right, of course, but I also don't want to see a family torn apart. I'm glad though that your mother is coming to terms with things.

I don't know what's up with this racism stuff. It seems generational. Seems like race is not as big a deal with a lot of the younger people today as it once was. I don't know if there is really less hate...but at least there is less racism... which is a step in the right direction, let's hope. Which doesn't make it any easier to deal with older members of the family who still have that ancient view of the world, sadly.

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If you know me outside the vast and nebulous realm of the internet please acknowledge that: I complain, rant, whine, and share a lot more on this tiny little blog than I do in real life. This blog was meant as a cast off of various things that people would rather not listen to in person. Ergo, it goes here. On the internet. Don't comment if you don't like, and don't read if you find it annoying. Also, I'm apologizing in advance for all grammar mistakes. Feel free to correct me if the mistakes bother you too much.

I believe that: Commonsense is the realized sense of proportion.(Gandhi)And that, Spirituality is never a status you attain or a possession you acquire. It is, at rock bottom, simply a capacity for awareness.(Robert Ellwood)