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Category: Football

RESEARCH coming into WWN Sport this morning confirms there is overwhelming evidence that a growing number of people’s happiness is directly linked to whether or not one group of millionaires can triumph over a number of near indecipherable groups of millionaires. The millionaire’d groups, largely hailing from a variety of nations but located in a… Read more »

AN urgent appeal has been launched by three Waterford men, who have found themselves ‘struggling for numbers’ ahead of this Friday’s must-attend Astroturf 5-a-side kickaround and drinking session. The call went out on Twitter yesterday evening as Derek Wilson, Paul Canning and Sean Hanlon issued tweets from their personal accounts urging anyone with information about… Read more »

LOCAL adult Peter Wishan has posted a plea on his social media feeds this morning urging anyone with a spare Neymar Jr. Panini World Cup 2018 sticker to come forward, adding that he has ‘loads of doubles for swopsies’. Wishan, pushing 40, needs only the elusive Brazilian forward to complete his World Cup album, after… Read more »

REAL MADRID, Juventus and France legend Zinedine Zidane has resigned as manager of Real Madrid after successfully completing the game of football. A hattrick of Champions League wins for the Zidane managed Madrid, coupled with his own successes as a player which include winning the World Cup and headbutting some prick in another final, proved… Read more »

AT a meeting, which takes place in the same conference room at the same time every week, the English tabloids with the compliance of their international colleagues have convened once again to plot and plan out their vilification of Raheem Sterling for no other reason than, well, the colour of his skin. Sterling made needless… Read more »

LIVERPOOL FAN Richie Hughes has come out of his final warm up ahead of Saturday’s Champions League final without any injury scares following a successful rewatching of his team’s last Champions League triumph in Istanbul in 2005. Careful not to lose his voice, Hughes only gave the rewatching 70% of his maximum screaming-mindlessly-at-the-television abilities, but… Read more »

WATERFORD MAN and objectively speaking, with no bias, Ireland’s greatest ever soccer player, John O’Shea, has announced that he will play his final game for the Republic of Ireland in an upcoming friendly match against the USA. His 117th and final outing in the green of Ireland will see his last yard of pace, which… Read more »

LIVERPOOL and Egyptian forward Mo Salah ascended to Heaven/Jannah directly after being substituted last night, with God deeming him too precious an example of celestial perfection to risk keeping down on Earth any longer. A thunderous sound pulsed through Anfield following Salah’s 2 goals and 2 assists with a shaft of immense light striking down… Read more »

A LOCAL Liverpool has stressed that as part of his team’s guaranteed place in the Champion’s League final against either Real Madrid or Bayern Munich, he would settle for a win this evening against Roma in the region of 5 or 6-0. “Look, we beat Man City handsomely in the last round, we’re firing on… Read more »

AFTER a recent spate of unsavoury incidents involving the intimidation of referees, Russia has proposed an innovative solution to the cancer on football that is professional footballers. Famed for constantly diving to win penalties, cheating to gain minor advantages throughout each second of a game and having shit haircuts, footballers are potentially the only element… Read more »

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