THE ROAD IS OUR AGONY, BUT ALSO OUR DAILY BREAD - -
- a series of memorable and forgettable rants, ramblings, and stories from the road. . .

Monday, May 21, 2007

it's getting harder and harder to believe this shit

Landis' former manager entering rehab [lame excuse]Floyd Landis' [changing opinion] former business manager Will Geoghegan [how do you pronounce this?],

relieved of his duties [supplying floyd with jack and coke]following the threatening phone call he made to Greg Lemond [whiny has-been], is entering a rehabilitation program [big surprise] it was announced Monday [always AFTER the barn burns down].

...Geoghegan is in a "distraught state" [fucked up and broke] following the fallout [i can't believe he testified] from his phone call to Lemond [goddamned blabbermouth] last Tuesday evening [i was sooo hungover wednesday morning in court], which Geoghegan later said [what's that shit you take BEFORE your get fucked up?]was the result of alcohol consumption [and too much testosterone].

"While Floyd [were his parents cousins?] and the entire team [dewey, cheatem, and howe] find Will's actions regrettable and abhorrent [we regret that he got caught, and we abhor getting caught], he is still a friend [no place to hide the body] and we wish him the best [hope he dies, or at least cuts out his tongue] in his recovery," wrote Kay, who is executive director [does no work] of the OUCH Sports Medical Center [THIS is encouraging?]."It is my hope that we can make a seamless transition [i hope to fuck SOMETHING works] and continue [START?] to work together in our mutual best interests [when DO we get paid?].

I know that Floyd [box of rocks] is eager [sitting on electric, shit-filled nasa diaper] to get through the last days [weeks, years?] of his hearing and to turn his focus [where's the jack?] toward his business responsibilities [who's in charge of getting money from the public? does this maynard HAVE any fans left?].

He is very excited [thyroid fucked up from too much testosterone] about our anticipated victory [we've GOTTA get this rube some money, or we're ALL fucked] and is anxious [and SOON!] to support the very few [first honest statement] that have supported him [used to believe in santa, easter bunny, george dubya, and jerry falwell]."

. . . . .

lately i've theorized [rationalized] that floyd [nimrod] might just be a bumpkin [dumbass] who surrounded himself with devious associates [assholes] who were not acting with floyd's [he's a dumbass with money] best interests at heart [sold it on eBay to buy jack daniels], but rather had their OWN agendas [how can i get some of it?].

you guys are the reason i work so fucking hard to make me laugh. i couldn't do it without me.

by the way, a curious reader called to ask what i have been drinking for inspiration and motivation.the answer? iced house blend from zanzibars coffee adventure.it's been responsible for most of the late-night posts.finally, the answer to a narcoleptic's prayers!!