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Die Like a Man!

{Recieved Via Email}

Death comes to us all. Whether you are supremely cool and garner mad tail wherever you go....or you are that pathetic fan boy residing in his mother's basement watching Star Wars Episode III. Doesn't matter...you are going to die.

There is a comforting aspect to this fact, though....you know that really handsome buff guy? The one who treats women like crap so they all come cry on your shoulder in between bouts of dating that jerk? That guy? Yeah, he's gonna die, too.

You can excercise like a madman. You can limit yourself to only eating flavorless "health" food. It doesn't matter...you are still going to die.

You cannot prevent death. Sorry. It's true. You can, however, somewhat influence the way that you will die. You can go out like a flamin' man.

Here are five great ways to die, followed by five crappy ways to die. No need to thank us...we are proud to help our fellow man.

Great ways to die

1. A fight to the death in a cage match with the Terminator, Jason Voorhees, Mad Max, Ash, Samuel L. Jackson, Zombie Steve McQueen, and you. You ain't gonna win, but you will go out with honor.

2. Fighting a bear with only a bowie knife. As that Indian guy said at the end of Legends of the Fall, "It was a good death". That's a pretty burly thing to have someone say at your funeral.

3. Jumping on a live grenade to save your friends and family. Good, noble, and ballsy.

4. Losing a fight to Bruce Lee. Sure, you lost a fight....but it's Bruce Lee. That's just soooooooooooooooooooo cool.

5. Having a heart attack whilst engaged in a Ménage-à-Sixteen...or seventeen. Just you and sixteen luscious and lascivious women. Or men, if that's your deal. You choose. It is, after all, your death.

Crappy ways to die

1. Getting killed by a member of Cobra. Those idiots can never hit anything. If you are the one guy they actually manage to shoot, it sucks to be you. Everyone is going to laugh.

2. Suicide bomber. That's just Weak.

3. Having something extremely large and heavy fall from the sky and squash you. What's funny for a Looney Tune is just embarassing for a real person.

4. Getting shot by your own second-in-command. Coupes aren't cool when you are the guy deposed.

5. Dying in any fashion wherein your video ends up on eBaum's World. Having your death become an endless source of humor for fratboys is just crappy and uncool.

Granted, there are many more great ways to die and far more crappy ways to die. This is merely a primer. It is something to think about. Death comes to us all. Be prepared.

Humorous at the least..

I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don’t want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was that?!"
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Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot....(yep that's something you see everyday)
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I was on the subway, sitting on a newspaper, and a guy comes over and asks ‘Are you reading that?" I didn’t know what to say. So I said yes. I stood up, turned the page, and sat down again.
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Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. "I’ll go into town for a doctor," the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is delivering a baby. "I can’t leave," the doctor says. ‘But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground." The guy runs back to his friend, who is in agony. ‘What did the doctor say?" the victim asks. "He says you’re gonna die."

I can’t think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they’re dead.
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I have a large seashell collection, which I keep scattered on beaches all over the world ( NO TOUCHING)
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A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says ‘What the hell was that all about?"
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They say animal behavior can warm you when an earthquake is coming. Like the night before that last earthquake hit, our family dog took the car keys and drove to Arizona
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I was coming back from Canada, driving through Customs, and the guy asked "Do you have any firearms with you?" I said: "What do you need?'
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I bought a box of animal crackers and it said on it "Do not eat if [b]seal[b] is broken." So I opened up the box, and sure enough...