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I have sang with all my abilities, laughed out loud (literally), yelled incomprehensible vulgarities at the computer, had amzing but LOUD sex and talked to my dog like he was a person just chillin out....

So this last week new people moved in next door and they are a bit louder than the other two adjoining apartments. So I can hear some of the most mundane things going on in their aprtment, a phone ring, a computer UPS beeping and I wonder what my remaining neighbor thinks about me... lol

My mom showed up at my BF's condo after she got out of work and she left me a present. It was an ipad2 and some vodka. There was no special reasoning for her to do that either. The surprising part is that I don't even want the damn thing so I told her to return the ipad and I'll keep the vodka.

My BF just is flabbergasted by the whole situation. Obviously he wants the ipad.

I'm hopelessly addicted to the show Dexter. I don't have Showtime, so every year I wait till the new season is over then I watch it online (I make up for this by purchasing it on DVD when it's released in August) and then when it's done I'm so ready for more that I go back and watch all the prior seasons.

maybe because i'm an inexperienced virgin but the thought of being persued, having somebody like me, and let alone love and romance scares the SHIT out of. scared to the point where i want to run for the hills, ready to run for my life. is it a possibility that this is anxiety? i think i'm afraid of love. i don't like being alone even though it's beneficial moving @ my own pace and doing whatever i want to do.

one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry

Despite the current controversy about Active Duty's latest model and his White Pride tattoos, I'd still let him do me every day and twice on a Sunday... which means if Hard-up1 visited the same week I'd have a very busy weekend - and a wobbly walk on Monday!!!

sometimes, i get so annoyed and mad with particular people where i have to tell myself not to or keep myself from whooping their ass or killing them. yep, i'm getting better at it but sometimes i relapse into that mindstate where i feel like taking out my frustrations and anger out on other people. i might say something really fucked up, might take my frustrations on the internet or have homicidal thoughts where i'll think about taking out my feelings on others as a way of relieving the tension that is inside of me. but somehow, someway, i present myself as a harmless human being where people think i don't have those type of thoughts or feelings. however, the way people look at me where they give me blank looks or what i would perceive as negative facial expressions, i think that they don't like me or think that there's something wrong with me so i get paranoid and think they really have a problem with me when i'm misperceiving them.

but nowadays, i'm slowly learning to not give a fuck and to walk away from issues instead of letting them get to me and finding myself on the brink of snapping on some george sodini shit. haha.

one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry

i LOVE masturbating and i LOVE porn. my hand has been my life long companion.

i also tried to jerk off to some women flexing her boobs because my dick got a bit excited when i saw her chest move. however, the excitement died and i couldn't get off to her. i then realized that then i can't see myself having sex with this woman. i also realized that this is not january 29th 2011 where i was living in denial thinking that masturbating to women meant that i actually had feelings for women where i wanted to have sex with them, a relationship with them and etc. it was hard to picture me being in love with a woman. that was when i went into my folder full of hot men and jerked off. when i got bored doing that, i decided to say fuck it and went to dailymotion to jerk off to some male stripper from dreamboys uk flexing his left pec in a clip that last for about a second. damn, that was hot.

but yeah, thinking about having a boyfriend that i can make love to and cuddle while watching tv with makes me happy.

one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry

if i had a gun and the wrong person did the wrong thing to me and i was in the wrong mood and frame of mind, i would shoot them and not have any remorse for my actions. they made me do it.

people keep on saying walk away, smile, turn the other cheek. well, there's times when i can take it and there's other times where i feel like giving them back what they deserve. you fucked with me so i'm going to fuck with you back. if i beat your face into the ground, leave your face all black and blue because you said the wrong thing to me, it's your fucking fault, you fucking bitch. fuck all you no good, miserable, pieces of shit people that try to fuck with me, piss me off, upset me on some bullshit because you just want to hurt my feelings and expect me to smile about it. i hope you die slow and painfully in your sleep, in a fiery car wreck, or whatever will make you suffer a horrible death.

i'm heated right now and some minutes ago, i was in the bathroom wishing i can have a moment to show my rage on some people that try to belittle me thinking they're funny. i would love to put the fear into certain people to show them who is the one in control of the situation. i might have to go and buy me a gun to punk around a few people and instill some fear into some people to put them in check. they know that i will pull the trigger to to show that i'm serious about respect and whatever.

one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry

if i had a gun … i would shoot them …
i might have to go and buy me a gun to punk around a few people and instill some fear into some people to put them in check. they know that i will pull the trigger to to show that i'm serious about respect and whatever.

short of going hungry, it's my lunch option of last resort, but everything else in the area seems closed for the holiday today.

I don't really get the restaurants around here... sure, this is predominantly a business district, but there are a bunch of high-rise apartment/condo buildings as well. you'd think there'd be enough local, residential traffic to keep them open 7 days/week.

while everybody complains about trival bullshit such as love, relationships and whoever... i'm angry right now because i'm frustrated with myself, my family's situation and life.

you know, i have issues with myself that i'm not content with. big deal right? you guys heard me say that shit millions of times.

but one of the issues that annoys me is my parents' relationship. you know, my father who is terrible with money management done got my mom to give him her paycheck to help him for the mortgage because he took all the money for the stove he broke. the thing is he didn't have to do that. my mom was going to pay for that shit. so now he's broke. he asked me for money this morning and right when i gave him that shit, he goes "thank you, my son". the reason why he says that and the way he said it pissed me off like he was talking down on me when i helped his ass out. i know i'm his son but do you have to say it in a way that be fucking littles me.

and then when i hear my mom rant out her issues about her working, being the only one in the whole household holding her job and she's right. her calling me out on my bullshit, her complaining about my father yet she put up with his whole entire bullshit for the past 26 plus years. then she's pretty much saying this, saying that and then i think about how she let's my older brother get a pass simply because he's in school but he's been there longer than me, he has a ragtag ass job and yet he has a car which gives his ass an advantage over me. then my own shit, i get even more heated to the point where i feel like smashing out a fucking window or knocking someone out.

but yo.... i'm getting mad thinking about what my brother said to me though. he's right but he still has his head up his ass though. your ass has a car and you aren't using it to your advantage. now you are BUT still, it took your ass a long time to come around. i'm trying to get these jobs, not trying hard enough BUT at the same fucking time, i'm having a hard fucking time because there aren't that much jobs, they are all distant and public transportation is going to be a pain in the ass and i'm stuck.

man.... i don't even feel like leaving the house today because i'm angry.

one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry