Back and still alive.

I haven't been posting on these forums for a little while. Christmas and new years has been a little stressful. I opted out of not going to college for a semester, and I used the tuition money I had scraped up on presents. I now have a shitty job (only as far as hours go) that only has me working one week out of a month so I have to get another one to fill up the empty time and save up for either a car, or more college. I am not sure which yet to be perfectly honest. I have been thinking of going back to smoking, but that is money I don't have. I am sick of feeling like a mooch off of my father. I thought by this time in my life I would have an apartment or dorm. Going to college with a clear cut vision of who I was and who I wanted to become in the future. Instead, I am sitting here, a leech off my father, being bitched at constantly by my father's wife (I refuse to call her my stepmother).

On a more personal note, it seems my relationship is going through a rough patch. I am not even sure if concentrating on it right now is the best thing to do. I have stressed her out with my depression and try to avoid talking to her about it. Trying to talk about other, more light things is difficult when you are constantly thinking about the ways that you have screwed up in life. Hell, it makes enjoying anything in life. I cant go to a party without feeling guilty, or feeling like I should be doing something else to better myself. It has gotten so bad that I can't even enjoy music, because it seems to me that even sad songs are for people who's situation is not as pathetic as I am right now. I am just one big back of necrosis.