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Friday, 9 August 2013

Some Terrible News

"I want to know who you're meeting in the cemetery"

I have decided to update my blog more often and the best way to do this will be to give my views on recent news items in the world of film and music and anything else I feel like doing because it's my blog and I can do what I want.

"Look at the pelican fly. Come on pelican!"

First up is the news of a remake of Scarface.
We all know that Al Pacino IS Scarface. So trying to recreate the character with anyone else would be like Kanye West trying to convince people he's Jesus. You can tell people you're the second coming all you want but Jesus would never have to tell people he's Jesus. And he wouldn't be such an arrogant, talentless gay fish either.
But I digress. Here's a quote from The Hollywood Reporter about what the film will be about:

Each [of the previous films] were crime sagas telling the
rise and fall of a gangster, and each was a mirror of their time. The
1932 version was set in Chicago and featured bootlegging, Italians and
Irish mobsters. The 1983 version was set in Latin-loving Miami and
cocaine was the vice of choice.
The new Scarface is planned to be the same: a crime tale set in today’s world, offering a dark look at the American Dream.

So it's going to be about today's "American Dream"? I guess we can expect Tanning Chatum teaming up with Sam "One Character" Worthington to stop a black man from taking their guns away all while trying to prevent abortions and breaking up gay marriages.

A Host of problems.

Well really only one. Snowpiercer is the new film from The Host director Bong Joon-ho. It is doing amazingly well in Korean cinemas but that hasn't stopped Harvey Weinstein from wanting to cut 20 minutes from the film to dumb it down for American audiences (pretty much his own words). The film is only 126 minutes as it is and if 20 minutes were to be cut from it it would "eliminate much of the character detail, which would make the film seem more like an action movie." I'm sure not all Americans need or want films cut so they think their watching another Michael Bay film. It's just another case of an asshole film exec maiming an artists work just to fill his pockets.

Whatever happened to originality?

Akira is back. But only as an Americanised live action film. That doesn't make a lick of sense. That's like remaking a Lucio Fulci film without the dubbed voices and with CGI effects. Nobody wants it. You know why? Because it lacks a soul. Apparently Warner's want to get it made because they are unhappy with the lack of box office made from recent films like Pacific Rim. If there's one way to make money from Americans who don't like giant robots and monsters based on Japanese anime and kaiju films it's by making a live action film based on a Japanese manga and anime.

"It's always with the goddamn fucking chicken"

So I should end on a pretty good note, the remake of Poltergeist may have Sam Rockwell in it. Now that's how you cast for a remake.

This blog was brought to you by an ad for Lucio Fulci season on horror channel and Little Miss Sunshine which is on now. Not on horror channel.
I hope my next blog isn't as much an attack on Americans as this one seems to be. But just in case you were wondering, I do not have any oil so don't bother attacking back. Unless you want sunflower oil.