How Different Majors Feel About Graduating From WMU

Graduation is less than a month away, and seniors are freaking the fuck out! How has four years flown by without anyone realizing we actually have to pull our shit together? Every major is different on coming to terms with no more morning beer bongs and WMU tailgates. Here are how different Bronco majors feel about graduating from WMU with their questionable degree.

Engineering:
Engineering majors are most excited about graduation so they can be in contact with the female body again. Engineering students know they are entering a world where they can say, “I’m an engineer” and get laid for it. Hooray for them! Working with complex calculation and concepts involving numbers might just earn you those digits at the bar.

Medical:
Well fuck—your parents must be proud. Medical majors are just thankful to not have to look at the walls of the library anymore…and not the one with beer. Although most medical majors don’t care about graduation since they have seven more years of the same damn shit, unless they don’t get into med school, which means skipping Grotto Sundays was a mistake.

Business:
Business majors came to college not knowing what they wanted to do in life. All they knew is they loved to drink. Business majors don’t stress too much since they are mostly rich kids planning on taking over their family business or working for Stryker. Either way, business students know they will make it in the real world, since it will always be 5 o’clock somewhere.

Communications:
Shit shit shit!!! What do you mean it is almost graduation?? Communication majors were too stoned to even notice it has been four years. Communications majors are most likely drinking at Waldo’s and saying, “How the hell did we end up here?” These Broncos probably should have concentrated more on finding a job that will actually care about their degree.

Philosophy:
Philosophy majors are about to find out what is messed up with everyone’s minds, although their gut feeling tells them it’s all the booze they drank at WMU. They are excited to get into the world of ~philosophy~ although they are thinking, “Shit, I should have gone with business.” At the end of the day, philosophy majors are going to be OK since they are logical af.

Theater:
Alright, you wasted mom and dad’s money—now what? Theater majors are most likely being dramatic about graduation since, “It’s our last show together, gahh!” Theater majors should be packing their bags and going from Miller Auditorium to theaters in New York, where living in a shoebox seems like a good idea.

No matter what your major is, you can’t avoid graduation. The time has come that you need to get your shit together Bronco’s, which means getting a goddamn job.

Know anyone at one of these schools? Refer a friend for a marketing job, get $100 if they’re hired!