Friday, April 23, 2010

Beastly: A Tale as Old as Time Gets a Modern Update

By Paige MacGregor

What happens when the hottest, richest guy in school has a run-in with the school’s resident “witch”? In the case of director Daniel Barnz’ (The Cutting Room, Phoebe in Wonderland) upcoming film, Beastly, the consequences can be devastating.

Barnz’ film, a modern-day adaptation of the classic “Beauty and the Beast” story, is set for release this July. And although it might not sound like the type of film usually featured on The Vault of Horror, Beastly is worth mentioning for several reasons, not the least of which is its eclectic cast, which includes Alex Pettyfer (Wild Child, Tormented), Vanessa Hudgens (High School Musical), Mary-Kate Olson (New York Minute, The Wackness) and Neil Patrick Harris (How I Met Your Mother).

When Kyle (Pettyfer) upsets school outcast and rumored witch Kendra (Olson), she places a curse on him that transforms his good looks into mutilated hideousness. The spell gives Kyle one year to find a woman to fall in love with him despite his new appearance; failing to do so means he will retain his new, horrifying appearance forever.

The transformation that Pettyfer’s character undergoes in the film is one torn from the pages of fantasy and horror alike, and the source material that the film uses—the “Beauty and the Beast” story—falls solidly within the confines of the “dark fantasy” genre, placing Beastly within The Vault of Horror’s jurisdiction.

Don’t believe me? Take a look at the trailer below and see for yourself.

Yes, in all likelihood, this will be a DVD viewing for me because of his involvement. I just wish someone I did not passionately hate because they were fucking ugly and annoying on Full House and remain fucking ugly and annoying to me now was not attached to the project.

I hope Neil Patrick Harris has some decent screentime 'cause the film seems kinda weak (and why should a brow-less tattooed guy be considered oh-so-ugly? ). The chick from high school musical...mm okay I'm down with that, but the Olsen girl as the ugly unattractive witch? Really? In what universe? Aside that I'm interested to see how they will retell the story (although i think the trailer doesn't leave much to speculate), also what a poor job of a poster is this? It really is reminiscent of twatligh...

I'm sorry, but how exactly is this horror? Because of the witch and the curse she places on the arrogant rich kid? If that's the case, we might as well start calling 'Twilight' a horror movie because there are vampires and werewolves in it.

Also, I find it highly ironic how the film's message (personality is more important than looks, blah blah) is utterly ruined by the fact that the filmmakers didn't even have the guts to make their handsome lead actually look ugly to get their point across! Seriously, shallow movies like this one make me want to vomit harder than any gross-out horror flick ever could!

Which horror film *should* be remade?

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I've been fascinated with horror ever since my parents let me watch The Exorcist at 8 years old (what were they thinking??) and I ran up to my bed screaming when Linda Blair's eyes rolled into the back of her head.Although it often gets a bad rap from "mainstream" critics and audiences alike, horror has often been the most creative and vibrant movie genre of all, from Nosferatu to Saw. Some of the finest motion pictures ever made are part of the horror genre, including Frankenstein, Psycho, The Shining and my personal all-time favorite, George Romero's Dawn of the Dead.This blog is the culmination of my 25-year love affair with all things blood and guts--so check back here often for news and opinion on the world of horror. And remember...