A 26 year old lawyer with a funny accent, a big heart and big hair trying to battle the "system". Warning... conspiracy theories abound.

Monday, January 10, 2005

I'd like to have that one back

Do you ever have times where you do something, and immediately start to wonder if it was the right thing to do? Where you are filled with a complete juxtaposed mess of confusion, guilt, embarassment, and relief?

No? O.k. well, maybe it's just me.

There was someone who knew me once upon a time, who I care(d) about very deeply. Through a series of fortunate events, we've renewed a friendship that meant a great deal to me. Today, I referenced some things about my blog that I know would make it very easy to find "me" here.

Now, I sit biting my nails, wondering if I need to start going through my archives. Wondering what skeletons are in my closet. I know this person would never hurt me with anything I have said here, but I wonder if it will (perhaps subconsciously) cause me to start self-editing.

Do you regret telling someone in real life about your blog? Do you keep your writing a secret? Or, do you find it cathartic to be open?

Biting my nails has always been a bad habit. Pretty soon I won't have any left.

3 Comments:

Sorry I am too lazy right now to log in, but yeah I struggle with that too. I wonder if what I write changes how people who know me in real life think of me? I wonder if I am somehow different in their eyes? I hope not.

Good luck. If this person cares about you of course s/he wouldn't do anything to throw it back at you. I would just be very careful about airing too much dirty laundry. But then again don'tw e all?

I kinda-sorta worry about being found. I mean, my mom is a local politician whom national newspapers and tv program want to interview over, hmm, a 'local' issue. My hometown is well known in it's area, and um, various other things.

Mostly, I figure anyone who finds it who knows me should already know me well enough to know they'll read uncomfortable things. So there. Screw 'em, I say!

I've only told one person about my blog--my husband--and made him swear never, ever to look for it. Being the good Eagle Scout that he is, I know he will not. I'm not terribly worried about anyone else finding it because I don't know anyone with infertility problems in "real life."