“Sometimes there is no next time, no time-outs, no second chances; sometimes it’s now or never.”

–

Alan Bennett

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Life is tricky. While there often seems to be unending line of second chances standing outside your door sometimes … well … you look outside one morning and they have all gone to have a scone at starbucks. Gone. All the second chances gone. And you are alone.

This is “now” and you can’t play the ‘next time’ card or ask the next second chance to come on in. You can’t say “uhm … can you wait a minute?” <until one of the second chances comes back from the bathroom>.

Nope.

Its now or never.

And this gets even trickier because while I suggested a line of second chances typically hangs out outside your door — they don’t really stand around. You just kind of envision, and hope, they are hanging around.

What that means is this is a judgment call on your part.

Now. If it helps the anxiety wracking your body at the moment, the odds are with you. Life DOES give you a shitload of second chances and timeouts and next times. Probably more than you could ever use in a lifetime as a matter of fact.

But that’s not the point.

This is about the moment when the odds say “oops … none of them available.” It says “now or never”. Life walks right on up to you and says … ‘what’s your call?’

I would note that recognizing this moment is actually a judgment call – judgement as in actually recognizing all the second chances are gone and ‘this is it.’ Yup. Life doesn’t say (in an aside whisper) … “Hey, just so you know, this is one of those no time out, no second chance, no next time moments.”

(sorry about that)

You just gotta know. I guess the point of this is to remind everyone that while Life is extremely generous in giving time outs and second chances, there are going to be now or never moments.

And you have to be prepared for them.

And do your best to recognize them.

And make a call.

Oh. And, I imagine, it is also important to recognize afterwards, if you fucked up and didn’t see it, that it was a ‘now or never’ moment. That is important because … well … you cannot undo or go back or ask for a second chance. Yup. There is no going back, or undoing, or even a glimpse of a ‘do-over.’ Because, well, it was a now or never moment.

It is done with you and you are done with it.

It is gone.

Move on.

Don’t beat yourself up (wasted energy).

Don’t try and fix it.

Live & learn.

It sucks but, trust me, more often than not you will get another ‘now or never’ opportunity again one day <whether you want it or not>

And … at that moment … remember … “sometimes there is no next time” because it pays to recognize one of these moments when they arise. It pays because, uhm, now or never moments tend to matter.

“At the end of the day, we have to value ourselves as more than just an image.

An image is just an image. If you want more, look deeper within.

Are you a good friend? A kind companion? How do you treat others?

Those are the things that are a better definition of beauty.’

—-

Sara Ramirez

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I imagine all of us want to be seen by everyone as ‘something.’ In my mind this ‘something’ isn’t fame or some high falutin’ title or even being rich, instead, its to be recognized characteristically as something. This is not something shallow, but something a little deeper that defines you. Yes. I think we all want, in some degree, to be recognized for character, not some material or tangible thing.

That said. This means, in reality, driving toward that ‘something’ is incredibly fairly innocuous & incredibly difficult to define in a way everyone knows what good is and what bad is. The ‘something’ will vary from person to person meaning a shitload of us want to be seen as smart, or well rounded, or beautiful, or funny, or … well … pick your personal poison.

I could suggest that is kind of a shallow something.

Okay.

I will.

That is a shallow ‘something.’

And what makes that shallow worse is that by making that a fairly significant portion of how we choose to define ourselves we spend an inordinate amount of time & energy planning for ‘someday’ when that ‘something’ is played back to us as our defining characteristic.

Uhm.

Well.

If you are not careful … someday stealthily sneaks up on you as ‘today … and then yesterday … and then day by day it just becomes your Life.

Unfortunately Life is not just an image.

Unfortunately Life is ultimately not that shallow.

Unfortunately you have to leave the shallow end of the pool at some point and venture into the deep end in order to find … well … value.

Despite what marketing & advertising & branding folk may suggest, image is not everything and image does not equal any meaningful value.

Despite what Instagram suggests, image is not everything and image does not equal any meaningful value.

This doesn’t mean it isn’t tempting nor does it mean society doesn’t spend an inordinate amount of energy trying to convince you image matters.

But the truth is image without substance is simply a façade … a mask.

I can unequivocally state that the number of people who can maintain an entire life behind a mask is minuscule. It is extremely difficult to maintain that façade for an entire Life. It is like trying to play out an act … forever. Someone can do it for a while and fewer can figure out how to build the trappings which can hold the act together, but to hold all of that together for a Lifetime takes some luck, some clever skills, some bravado to appease the cynics & skeptics and, ultimately, some ability to keep the lack of substance out of the spotlight & questioning.

Suffice it to say … it takes a lot of work to wear a mask an entire Life.

And maybe that is my larger point.

We all want to eventually be seen as ‘something.’ And we all would prefer that something be of value to those who recognize it and of value to our self-worth.

That means.

If you are not careful you can spend a significant portion of your Life chasing some definition, some ‘something’ you are recognized by — that has little or no real value to oneself.

By the way. I am not suggesting this is easy. Society encourages shallowness. It can do so in a variety of ways but the main way is simple – measurement.

The shallowest ‘somethings’ are easy to see, easy to assess and easy to measure versus either society standards or versus others. Likes, followers, being labeled an ‘influencer’ or, heck, even earning some ‘label’ which could be construed as approval are all measurements which make the shallow aspects of Life more tangible.

The deepest ‘somethings’ – good, soul, character, integrity … shit like that — are difficult to measure and, frankly, the definition is earned over time and with consistent behavior. You cannot expect instant gratification, at least external gratification, if you pursue a ‘deeper something.’ In other words, you are less likley to gain the visible rwards in as large a quanitty versus pursiing more shallow value.

Sigh.

Well. Here is what I know:

“At the end of the day, we have to value ourselves as more than just an image.

An image is just an image. If you want more, look deeper within.

Image is just an image.

How about this.

Image is like masturbation.

A deeper something is like making love.

I tend to believe we all want more.

We all want that kind of self-value that is deeper.

We all want more than just an image.

….. impact of Warehouse of Images (before Instagram existed) …..

It is a Life truth that Image is seductive. And, in fact, this is where technology has made Life more difficult. As Alvin Toffler pointed out in Future Shock before the internet our visual comparisons were limited by the sphere of physical contact with external interspersed creating a semi-controlled universe of ‘standards.’ With the advent of the internet Toffler warned us the sphere would increase exponentially which would be additional psychological pressures upon people they had not faced before. I would argue he was prescient and much of the social pressure young people feel today is driven by a larger universe in Instagram, Facebook, etc. of unrealistic comparisons.

The good news? Shallow pursuit of personal value is, well, shallow. And most of us, given the opportunity to pursue a deeper more meaningful value will choose that path.

We find that path attractive because, well, it is a Life truth that if you want more than image, and look deeper within for that ‘something’, you will find a better definition of yourself.

“Each one of us, then, should speak of his roads, his crossroads, his roadside benches; each one of us should make a surveyor’s map of his lost fields and meadows.

Thoreau said that he had a map of his fields engraved in his soul. And Jean Wahl once wrote … [“] The frothing of the hedges / I keep deep inside me [“] … Thus we cover the universe with drawings we have lived.”

—

Gaston Bachelard

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“You have to live a life to understand it. Tourists just pass through.”

—

Prince

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Well. This is about Experiences and how each experience we have creates an imprint. In other words. Why experiencing things & experiences are important.

Let me give you a reason not only for living, but experiencing Life. And I don’t means “savoring Life” type trite bullshit. I mean experiencing what is going on around you and being aware, to participate in Life … and actually experience the realities of the here & now <and not divert your attention toward some imaginative “boy, I imagined something completely different than what is occurring”>. Nor am I going to hijack any of that nutjob Eckhardt Tolle’s “live in the now” nonsense.

All I will suggest is that each experience, especially when you pay some attention to it, etches something in us.

Think of it like acquiring a tattoo. If you do accept the tattoo metaphor <or is that an analogy?> it seems to me you should take some care with what gets engraved upon you.

Why care?

The fact is Life is in constant movement and it can become incredibly tiring trying to dance with it all day long. In addition, your dance partner, named either ‘good’ or ‘bad’, typically arrives without invitation. I would suggest more of us would be slightly more content if we didn’t focus on the fact our dance partner made us smile <lets assume that is “good”> or is a complete asshole <lets call that dance partner “bad”>, but instead focus on the dance itself.

That, my friends, is experiencing Life.

The steps, the movement, that path and arc of the dance and the fields upon which our feet are placed in their movement. Thoreau tells us ‘ he had the map of his fields engraved in his soul.’ That is because he not only walked them, but he saw and felt the steps as he placed them.

This is all about recognizing the value of being aware. And it is this perceptive appreciation of the time & place, past & present, permits us a healthy balance of reality and memory.

Even better?

This awareness actually permits us to embed the moments better in our heads. This isn’t to say we will remember it correctly <because psychologically we suck at correctly & accurately remembering things> but rather the moments themselves are engraved upon us.

To be clear. This ‘thing’ we embed is actually a reflection of the natural gap in our minds between the complexity of reality and our ability to experience the complexity. What I mean by that is we tend to view reality heuristically. Therefore we don’t truly see reality but rather a simplified translation. Unfortunately, this simplified version naturally builds in some blind spots.

Now. There is a whole bunch of psychological mumbo jumbo about ‘dimensions of recognition’ and ‘symbolic complementariness of the person’s first-hand life events/involvements’, but it is much easier for everyday schmucks like you and I to think of it in a linear fashion — any initial connective personal involvement in a moment begets some reflection <how it may relate to other moments> which inevitably creates some ongoing narrative in our head.

Aw. Forget all the psychological stuff. Simplistically, the map of our Life is engraved upon our minds (if not our soul) assuming we actually are aware enough to experience the map as we traverse it. That is why awareness matters — our universe deserves to be covered with our drawings.

I am fairly sure a lot of people will read this and be shaking their heads going “I have great memories … I could cover my universe with drawings, you aren’t telling me anything of value”.

And you may be right. Absolutely. You may be.

But I would suggest that most people would actually end up papering their universe with someone else’s drawings of their experience … like taping postcards on the wall of everywhere you have been. That is not covering your universe with drawings of what you have lived.

Those are simply superficial surface expressions of real actual experience.

Let me go back to my tattoo metaphor.

If I were to get a tattoo on my soul I imagine, at least me, I would not choose a tattoo of a postcard, but rather I would prefer choosing an expression of what I felt when I placed my feet where that postcard was. In other words, I don’t want my tattoo to be a tourist with Life, I want it to be an expression of how I lived it.

There is a tide in the affairs of men
Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;
Omitted, all the voyage of their life
Is bound in shallows and in miseries.
On such a full sea are we now afloat,
And we must take the current when it serves,
Or lose our ventures.

—

Shakespeare

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“The future is an inﬁnite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory.”

–

Howard Zinn

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So.

This is about not being silent & a moment in which I believe I, and many others, will be defined. This topic has been on my mind for a while but I hadn’t figured out how to talk about it without being apocalyptic or overly dramatic. I know it has been on my mind since Trump entered into our lives <when is the last time you had a conversation where he wasn’t mentioned?> and lately I have found myself placing tags on my posts like “enlightened reading” or “enlightened thinking” or “enlightened politics” or … well … I guess I have been thinking about enlightened a lot. But this doesn’t feel like an ‘enlightened issue.’

And then I had lunch with a good friend the other day and out of the blue he says “this feels like one of those times when years from now people will be asking you what you were doing … or not doing.”

Yeah.

It does.

This does feel like “a moment in the tide in the affairs of man.”

This does feel like a moment in which people will define themselves. It does certainly feel like a time of angst.

An ‘apocalypse’? Certainly not.

Unrest and uneasiness and uncertainty? Absolutely yes.

And, frankly, in times like these it is tempting to sit back maybe, to be harsh, be lazy and fall back on our opinions and “what we believe” and mumble to ourselves, maybe bitch with our friends or just remain silent. But this seems to be more a time … uhm … no … this is “a time” more than ever to be defined.

Look around if you don’t believe me.

You can see it, if you look hard enough, that a shitload of people feel the same thing. You may get confused in thinking it is “whining democrats because they lost” or “establishment people afraid of losing their gravy train” or even simply “people afraid of change.” It’s more than, and less than, that. It’s the tide in the affairs of man.

And, yes, we can blame Trump for this defining moment time. But he is less relevant in this tide than you may think. He is simply riding the tide … and we are the many drops of water within the tide … the ebbs and flows and crests and furrows are ours to build and destroy.

Take note of what is happening. People feel this is a defining moment.

I don’t care if it is Hannity who has attached himself to Trump to rise and fall with the man himself <and not an ideology>. He is all in.

I don’t care if it is Jake Tapper on CNN who appears to be attaching himself to truth & facts. He is all in.

I don’t care if it is Meryl Streep who has attached herself to celebrity moral authority. She is all in.

I don’t care if it is the millions who walked in a women’s march without any real reason other than it felt like they should. They want to be all in <on something>.

I don’t care if it is someone who fills out petitions and sends $5 to whatever organization possible. That person is all in on something.

I don’t care if it is a white nationalist who now attaches their feelings to real words said in public or statement clothing. That person is all in.

I don’t care if it is someone who has their senators on speed dial and calls them every morning during their commute to just leave a message with whatever is on their mind. That person is all in.

I don’t care if it is someone who attaches themselves to ‘deplorable’ without really knowing what embracing deplorable really means other than it permits them to make a statement. That person is all in.

I don’t care if it is someone like me … someone who hasn’t given a rat’s ass about politics up until now … who now writes pieces, posts almost every day and emails writings & thoughts to different people … from Mark Cuban to John Lewis to John Kasich … The National Review to The Guardian to CNN … hoping that someone somewhere will affect this tide of affairs of man. I am all in.

People are choosing sides, and places, to be “all in.” That is what I mean when I say I tend to believe we all feel the tide of affairs shifting. As we feel this ‘tide’ a range of emotions surges — some excited riding the tide and many many others desperately, and helplessly, feeling like they are fighting a tide they don’t like or do not understand <and this where we see some angry people … as they feel helpless struggling in this tide of affairs>.

This is a defining moment.

I think we all know that this moment is different. In the past, maybe without truly consciously thinking about it, we recognize most moments actually create their definition … because, for the most part, they are all about creating something from nothing. That is different than this moment.

In this moment, in this time and place, something is happening of which we have to create … well … nothing. There is so much actually existing & around us that we are only being asked to shape it. And, in doing this shaping, we are actually building something a little different within the moments we elect to stand up and define ourselves … well … building “us” … okay … maybe it is building “me or I.”

This moment is different because it demands that we take a whole bunch of seemingly meaningless little moments … almost unrecognizable … that have got us to where we are attitudinally, intellectually and physically … and stop and speak out in some way that will be meaningful to us for the rest of our lives.

And. In this moment … I would suggest that this is not the time to define yourself by standing against something but rather standing up & for something. This is not the moment to be “anti” something but rather “pro” something. ‘Anti’ suggests you can turn, or stem, the tide of affairs when the reality of ‘affairs of men’ would most likely suggest a tide is a tide and affairs will be affairs and by being ‘pro’ it may be possible to show which harbor the tide should enter. Don’t define by what you are against … define by what you are for.

That said. I could suggest that for many of us this is a “now or never” time.

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“Sometimes there is no next time, no time-outs, no second chances; sometimes it’s now or never.”

Alan Bennett

============

In the general tide of affairs of men there often seems to be unending line of second chances standing outside your door.

And then, in the tide there comes a time when you look outside one morning and all those second chances are gone to Starbucks. Just gone. And you are alone.

And you can’t play the next time card or ask the next second chance to come on in. or say … uhm … can you wait a minute? <until one of the second chances comes back from the bathroom>

Nope. It’s now or never. Life is looking right at people, right at you & me, and saying … ‘okay, what’s your call?’

And this is actually your judgment call and no one else’s. This is your defining moment and your decision. Life is not going to help you out on this one … Life isn’t going to lean in and whisper in your ear … “hey, just so you know, this is one of those no time out, no second chance, no next time moments.”

That is my job today. My job today is to tell you what I believe is the truth … that while Life is typically extremely generous in giving time outs and second chances … this feels like a ‘now or never moment’.

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… “attack everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which.”

Douglas Adams

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Yeah. It’s exciting but also a daunting feeling. Because while you may actually have done a gazillion things in your Life to prepare yourself for this ‘now or never moment’ … I seriously doubt anyone feels competent for this moment. It is slightly daunting to think this is a ‘now or never’ moment which will live with us for years to come.

Yeah.

It certainly feels slightly daunting to think that what you do will define you … for eternity.

Yeah.

On top of uncertainty or excitement or helplessness or a feeling of freedom to do & say what you have always wanted to do & say you are being asked to choose how you want to be defined.

The kind of thought that makes us think about choices and what we elect to do because, well, what we do echoes in eternity. The Gladiator quote was perfect. It suggests that the way we live, and what we choose to do, not only affects our present but also determines our eternity. He suggests what we do in the present will affect not who we are and what will happen but also our future … beyond death.

He suggests that you … well … matter.

That your thoughts matter.

That your choices matter.

That your actions matter.

And not only within this moment but in the moments which end up in eternity.

Your life matters. What you do is up to you, but your life matters to the degree that you choose it to matter. Life means something … especially if you defiantly define who and what you are.

To be clear. Defiance is not easy. It is much much easier to not push back, to not push yourself forward, but go along for the ride … wishing it were better than it seems to be.

Defiance is a choice. And, I would remind everyone, that choice defines destiny … not chance.

If you are defiant, and push back, you are more likely to control the destiny of your definition and how you will be defined. And that is what today’s world feel like. a moment to be defined. A moment to be defiant with regard to who you are, what you believe and what you stand for.

It feels like you cannot be silent and you have to choose.

Now. I purposefully have tied “I will be defined” with an attitude — one of defiance. I do so because of … well … Trump.

He has far too often been called a ‘disruptor.’ In businesses a disruptor is not one who creates & encourages chaos but rather one who ‘overturns conventional wisdom’ to take what exists and reshape it into a new way of doing things. A true disruptor envisions what can be <let’s call this ‘a plan’> and dismantles only that which encumbers in the here & now to enable the “what will be.” In the business world Trump is more often called ‘an agent of chaos.’

He is one of those managers who cannot tell the difference between chaos & doing — they are of equal in his mind. He holds up doing as proof of his value. A true disruptor holds up ‘what can be’ as proof of value. Calling him a disruptor is an insult to the true disruptors.

This means, even more than ever, those who choose to stand in this time & place and define themselves will have to be defiant. Defiance is standing still, standing strong, speaking out amidst chaos.

This will not be about the one, or ones, who speak the loudest but the ones who speak the smartest and steadfastly.

This will be about the ones who defiantly stand in the face of chaos and stubbornly defend what they believe and what is right. And, in doing so, the country will be defined by who and what we coalesce around. The fragments <which are what some people will call “divisions”> will cluster until the cluster of that which is the country itself has spoken and defined itself. As a country … it is false to suggest we are divided … we are fragmented. There is a huge difference between those two thoughts. And it is actually within that difference in which Hope for something better resides.

Yes. In this time, at this place, I do believe this country will be defined. And it will be defined by those who not just endure the moment, the tide of affairs of man, but rather the ones who stand up and say “this is how we will endure.”

You may be angry, you may feel helpless, you may feel excited … but whatever you feel it is because you are caught up in a unique tide in the affairs of man … and you will be defined not because you endured but rather by how you endured.

My friend was right. This is a “moment.” We will look back in time at this ‘moment’ and you will be defined by what you did do … or didn’t do.

As for me? I have made my decision. In this time, at this place, I will be defined.

Would you want to know how long you’re likely to live <assuming you don’t get pushed off a cliff by your spouse)>?

“I don’t know why he saved my life. Maybe in those last moments he loved life more than he ever had before.

Not just his life – anybody’s life; my life.

All he’d wanted were the same answers the rest of us want.

Where did I come from? Where am I going? How long have I got?”

–

Deckard in Blade Runner

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Whew.

Knowing how long you would live. Now there is an interesting question. I bring it up because some scientists/doctors/smart-people-I-don’t-know-what-they-do have developed a blood test that could predict how long you will live (it’s called a “Telomere test” to all you biology freaks).

Do I truly believe the test is accurate? Nope.

Do I believe the test is infallible? Nope.

Do I believe the test can directionally tell you how long you could live? <assuming you do not get pushed off a cliff or stand in front of moving buses>

Yup.

But.

I think the real question is … do I believe people want to know?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm …. that one is tougher.

Here is what I do know.

I would.

I would take it in a second. I would have taken it when I was 21 <so I don’t think my point of view has varied over time>.

Would most other people? <here is the answer below>

The Guardian ran a poll on their website. I believe they had several thousand respondents:

Would you take a test that tells you how long you’re likely to live?

A blood test that can show how fast you’re ageing and estimates how long you have left to live will go on sale later this year. Will you be taking it?

50.9% Yes

49.1% No

So.

Basically the world is split on this. 50% would and 50% wouldn’t.

Was I surprised? Gosh. I don’t know. I didn’t know what to expect.
But suffice it to say that there are plans in Britain to offer an over-the-counter blood-test kit that would allow you to learn your biological age (and, from there, to estimate how much longer you might live).

Anyway.

This test measures the length of your telomeres, which are like caps at the end of each of your chromosomes. Every time a cell divides, its telomeres are shortened. The more dividing that’s gone on, the more your body has aged.

Therefore short telomeres suggest advanced age (that’s the everyday person’s definition of how this hifalutin test works).

The thought that this telomeres blood test might serve as a potential measure of life expectancy takes on a new perspective when the test kit moves out of a scientific lab and into your own home.

I guess the main question for anyone considering such a test has to be, of course, whether you really want to know how much time you still have left.

It is an interesting question. And kind of a dilemma <because what do you do when you do know?>.

I scanned a bunch of articles and of course everyone started the whole domino affect discussion <who do you tell, what do you do, what about insurance companies, all that crap>.

Who cares?

Really the only question resides within you.

And me.

Me?

I would want to know.

Why?

“We all die. The goal isn’t to live forever, the goal is to create something that will.”

–

Chuck Palahniuk

I would then know how long I had left to create something that could last forever.

And maybe the knowledge would give me the strength to make whatever changes I would need to make to create something that may ‘live forever.’