my sister is having her first baby in feb, and her shower is in 2 weeks. i was thinking about gathering a bunch of ways other people can help after the baby is born, and print them out and have them around at the shower. i know people really like to help, but often don't know what to do, so the suggestions may be useful.

so what was the best thing someone did for you, or you wish someone had done?

I was so overwhelmed and still healing from a csection when I came home that it was exhausting having people coming over to visit. The best thing my friend did for me was make a lasagna and just drop it off without coming in. I don't know how you would suggest that on a list without being offensive, but it was so selfless of her that I just wanted to give her a big ol hug!

~Cooked dinner for me (you know, some frozen things I could just pop in the oven) because for some reason it didn't occur to me while I was pregnant that this was a good idea.

~When they came over to visit offer to clean or run errands instead of hold the baby.

~Try not to stay too long. Not that company isn't welcome, but it can be really draining to have visitors that just won't leave when it's time.

~Ask and really listen to what mama says. Don't change diapers, outfits, pick up baby or move things around without asking first. She's the mama. She's the boss.

~Offer support if she needs it, but do NOT continue to offer after she declines. No one likes to feel like someone is implying that they can't mother their own child (My MIL - are you listening?!?!?!), even if they are brand new to the parenting role.

Anything and everything so the mama can focus on the baby. My boyfriend banished me from doing anything other than worrying about feeding DD#2. He would even deal with the diapers. I got to sleep when she did and concentrate on nursing.

Good idea! I second the few-days-without-many-visitors.... Beyond that, meals were really helpful, and laundry. Shopping -- diff friends could organize a shopping trip twice a week for a couple of weeks. Depending on SO support, the first week isn't necessarily the bad one; it's worse after SO has returned to work, dishes are piling up, help is thinning out, and both parents are exhausted! So maybe cleaning/meals/etc help scheduled for the first month? but I had a c-section and then horrible mastitis, so maybe I was more helpless than most.

Definitely 3 to 5 days of people arranging to bring dinner. Someone to watch the baby while she takes a shower (I need a shower everyday to feel human and not like the walking dead). Someone to watch the baby while she takes a nap in the afternoon. Someone to vacuum/laundry/do dishes in the evening. I didn't mind people coming over, but I always needed them to call ahead and never stay more than 20 to 30 minutes.

My top suggestion would finding people who will put the baby down. I had my husband, mom, and sister around for the first two to three weeks and when it came time for me to be by myself with the baby she was already accustom to being held all the time. I won't make that mistake with number two.

I very much agree about the meals...I would maybe even do something unique at the shower like make pre-prepared meals for the mom to be to take home and freeze...

I think the "coupons" for cleaning and errands are awesome too!! Or even a gift certificate to a maid service...I think that would be an awesome shower gift! Get a maid once or twice a month for the first 6 weeks or so!

I think it is a wonderful thing that you are already thinking ahead for her!!!!

these are really great mamas, thank you! i know for us, the best thing was the food that everyone brought. but does everything have to have cheese in it?? i swear that's why micah can't handle dairy now, he was exposed to sooo much of it when he was a newborn!