Month: August 2017

This evening as I reflect on my second son’s birthday, I am reminded of a true story of a girl I once knew. I’d like to share that with you, and tell my son, “Thank you for understanding when things didn’t go as planned.” 😊

Don’t be all forceful about it and give help if it’s not wanted/needed.

Do let him/her know they’re doing a good job and are appreciated.

Don’t wait until he/she has to call attention to be appreciated.

Do be supportive whether or not things are going right.

Don’t say “I Told You So” when things go wrong.

Do apologize when you screw up, because you will screw up. We all do.

Don’t act like Mr./Mrs. Perfect. You’re not. Nobody is.

Don’t criticize his/her choices – you’re one of them.

Do learn to accept advice or help from him/her when you need it. We all need help sometimes.

Don’t treat him/her like they don’t know anything. After all… why would you marry an idiot? Did he? Did she?

Do be willing to prepare and serve him/her drinks, meals, etc.

Don’t think it’s beneath you. It’s not.

Do share the chores. You both make a mess sometimes.

Don’t think he/she is the only one who should clean up. Again… you both make the mess, you should both clean up. Your not children. Don’t act like you are.

When having a disagreement, do not negate his/her feelings or block them out when they’re talking to you. Their feelings are just as valid as yours.

Do respect him/her.

Don’t use “always” and “never”. Nobody “always” does something and “never” isn’t possible until you’re dead.

**Pro Tip** If your significant other is screaming and crazy, go look in the mirror. You’re probably the reason.

Got kids? Share the responsibility. It took two people to make them, it’s going to take two people to raise them.

Do always work on having the best relationship that you can possibly have.

Do not compare other relationships to yours or other partners to yours. Chances are someone else is looking at your relationship and your partner and wishing they had what you have.

Do remember – You could always have it better, you could always have it worse.

In a marriage, there is no such thing as “man’s work” or “woman’s work”. That is an archaic way of thinking, that needs to be done away with by both sexes. It’s about mutual respect. Marriage is, above all, a partnership that should be built on love and that mutual respect. You should both be doing everything within your power to take care of one another.

Ladies: Serving your man dinner, packing him a lunch or making him a cup of coffee, isn’t a sign of oppression. It’s a sign of care, respect and love.

Men: Serving your woman dinner, packing her lunch, making her coffee are ways you can show the lady you love and honor her. Cook her a nice meal, dish it up, and serve it to her. If you think it will detract from your manhood, think again buddy. You’re likely to be rewarded for that later.

Ladies are you listening? Feminism doesn’t mean you should never do anything for your man, it means knowing your worth and setting a high standard to ensure that you have a man who values you. It does not mean that you should never do anything nice for him, it means that you’re secure enough within your womanhood, to be okay with taking care of him and letting him take care of you back.

Men there is no place for chauvinism in a relationship in the 21st century. It never should have been a thing to begin with. Get over it.

After all, ladies and gentlemen… more than men and women, we are all human, and we all want to be cared for, loved and respected.

In matters of money, don’t compare paychecks and brag about who makes more, or belittle the one who makes less. That will make one of you feel like crap, and will undermine the relationship/partnership.

Bills should be shared or another arrangement can be made for other contributions as a whole. In other words, if one of you is a stay-at-home parent, and yes, men can be stay at home parents… that counts as a job. I know. I raised 5 boys by being a stay-at-home mom for a real long time and I worked my ass off everyday. Paychecks? Nope. Rewards? Yep. Equality.

Make smart decisions about money spending. You should never have to ask for permission to buy something, but you should always be willing to talk about a reasonable price range before the purchase is made, to be sure it’s affordable in relation to food and bills.

Never, never, never… say to him/her, “how much money did you spend?” in anything other than an accounting context for keeping track of your finances. You are not his/her father/mother. He/she is not your child.

Always remember, love is more important than anything else. Love the one you’re with, treat him/her the way you want to be treated, don’t play games. Life and love are not games. You can’t win everything, but you can lose everything. Remember that.

One last thing… stop with this BS statement: “If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.”

All that is, is a feeble attempt to justify rotten behavior that will eventually become the deciding factor in the end of what could have been a great relationship.

Nobody should have to “handle you” at your worst, or “deserve you” at your best. Grow up!

Many blessings… C.A. Bennett – Writer/Wife of 29 years and still learning.