Monday, 22 November 2010

My instant reaction when thinking about my favourite NPC in WOW was one name: Varok Saurfang. He's an incredible, admirable figure. He knows he participated in the horrors that the Orcs committed under the blood curse and remembers it clearly:

"I think it was the sounds of the draenei children that unnerved most of them... You never forget... Have you ever been to Jaggedswine Farm? When the swine are of age for the slaughter... It's that sound."

Yet, unlike other major characters who have lived through traumatic times in Azeroth, he has retained his reason. Neither wallowing in self-pity like Arthas, nor descending into the deranged messianic delusions of Kael'thas. Even the death and corruption of his beloved son, Dranosh hasn't broken him. He's still there, advising Thrall, restraining Garrosh. Doing his duty.

He watched my back when I got sent on the suicide-mission to kill Varidus the Flenser, and he's watching everyones else's back too - he's made it clear that he'll kill Garrosh Hellscream if he takes the orcs back to their savage past. He's a great man, a great role model, but he's not my favourite NPC.

Then my thoughts turned to one of the most memorable moments in all the years I've played WOW. The glorious, deranged figure of Grand Apothecary Putress on the rise above the Wrathgate:

"Did you think we had forgotten? Did you think we had forgiven? Behold, now, the terrible vengeance of the Forsaken! Death to the Scourge! And death to the living!"

He comes so close to succeeding ... wounding the Lich King, slaughtering Alliance and Horde alike. It's still not entirely clear who was really behind the whole scheme - Sylvanas would certainly like us to think it was Varimathras, but could he really have done all that without her knowing?

Great lines, glorious evil and fantastic dress-sense. Putress is the villain's villain. I do hope we haven't seen the last of him. He's not my favourite NPC either, though.

It took me a while to write this post, which is why it's a day behind everybody else's on the same topic. I kept finding interesting, distracting things to do: playing a subtlety rogue in the Cataclysm beta (finally, a rogue that feels like a rogue at low levels, not just a poorly armoured fury warrior), watching a film, going shopping, sleeping.

But there's one man (or, to be precise, several orcs) who have me beaten when it comes to the fine art of work-avoidance. I am, of course, talking about that slacker of slackers, the Lazy Peon. Despite the close attentions of Foreman Thazz'ril and his blackjack-wielding thugs (also known as player characters), the peons still find time for a quick snooze when they're supposed to be working.

Quite how the lazy peons ever made it to the dizzying heights of level four is beyond me (although their rested XP bonus must be pretty high), but it's pretty certain they won't be going any further. Why would they? Azeroth's a dangerous place, full of Alliance marauders, demonic invasions and rampaging armies of the undead.

"So, you're recruiting soldiers for a death or glory battle against the relentless forces of undeath in the frozen wastelands of the north, eh?"

"Actually, I'm rather busy at the moment. Logs to chop and all that. Is it time for tea?"

"Zzzzzzzzzzz....."

If the tempting fortunes of the gold farmers can't stir them enough to run to Orgrimmar (it's an awfully long way, you know), you can hardly expect the lazy peons to risk death for a few silly bits of loot. And we all know what faces you if you if you are foolish enough to travel as far as Outland: the dreaded booterang, hurled from above. It's a lazy peon's idea of hell.

I'm not surpised that Blizzard's statistics show a large number of players never get beyond level ten. They've chosen the life of a lazy peon. It may not pay much, but it sure beats being eaten by dragons!

Lazy Peon, I salute you. You're my favourite NPC. Now it's time for a nice kip...