Lena Dunham’s Real Diet Tips Are Better Than Any Crap You’ll Read in a Tabloid

Lena Dunham has made it clear that her recent weight loss wasn’t for vanity purposes — it was to control her endometriosis through a healthy diet and exercise — so she hates that she’s being celebrated for being a smaller size. Knowing this, you can imagine she didn’t love seeing her photo on a tabloid cover next to the headline “20 Slimdown Diet Tips Stars Are Using.” So what did she do? Rewrote the story. (Dunham, 30, is a writer after all.)

20 slimdown diet tips! 1. anxiety disorder * 2. resultant constant nausea 3. an election that reveals the true depths of American misogyny 4. constant sweaty dreams of dystopian future 5. abdominal adhesions pinning ovary below uterus * 6. baseless but still harrowing threats to physical safety online and through smail mail 7. watching institutions you love from Planned Parenthood to PBS be threatened by cartoon mustache-twirling villains 8. finally realizing superheroes aren’t real (specifically the X-Factor, really thought they’d handle this) 9. marching your ass off 10. a quiet rage that replaces need for food with need for revenge 11. sleeping 19 hours a day 12. realizing that even the liberal media wants dem clicks no matter whut 13. worrying ceaselessly about the health and safety of women you know and women you don’t 14. realizing who ya real friends are 15. having to switch from Uber to Lyft (lots of calories burned trying to understand a new app, then even more trying to understand if the conflict was resolved) 16. bladder spasms, urinary frequency and urgency * 17. having your phone number leaked and violent images texted to your phone by randos under names like VERYFATCHUCKYBOY@creepz.com 18. keeping your back arched against the wind 19. um, who the f*** cares? 20. I have no tips I give no tips I don’t want to be on this cover cuz it’s diametrically opposed to everything I’ve fought my whole career for and it’s not a compliment to me because it’s not an achievement thanx *

Star indicates a pre-existing condition

This is an ongoing battle the actress/writer/producer/author has had with the media — and other weight-obsessed critics on the Interwebs. You’d have thought that things would have changed after the last time she spoke out, in March, when she said, very bluntly: “I feel I’ve made it pretty clear over the years that I don’t give even the tiniest of sh**s what anyone else feels about my body.”