poetry

Thursday, September 19, 2013

soggy sandwiches

I am the fussiest sandwich eater, I blame it on the time my aftercare teacher forced me to eat a sandwich soaked in red juice because I threw it under the table after accidentally dropping it in my cup, I was far too embarrassed to say anything so throwing it under the table seemed like the best solution.

I was definitely at fault, but being 5 years old may have been a big part of it, my middle aged aftercare teacher however thought it was her duty to force feed a child a cold soggy Redro fish paste sandwich in order to teach me a lesson, how I managed to eat the Redro to begin with is a mystery... the soggy incident has stayed with me to this day.

Here are a few of my painful sandwich rules:

1. Do not use big ass soggy textured salad tomatoes for a sandwich, cherry and plum tomatoes are where the flavour is at.

2. Do not place tomatoes, sauce, cucumber or anything wet or juicy directly onto the bread/roll etc, layer it with cheese or lettuce first, this stops the sogginess that I like to call "hell on earth".

3. Do not layer the sandwich with a mountain of butter or margerine, I am not a crazy health freak, but I don't want cholesterol issues later on in life and the other ingredients on my sandwich don't stand a chance against that layer of fat.

4. I LOVE good food, please don't ruin it by giving me more roll and less flavourful ingredients.

5. Last but not least, do not dare put tomato sauce anywhere near my sandwich.... bring on the hot sauce and the mayo (in between the other ingredients of course to stop any form of sogginess from taking place).

I have used various forms of the word "soggy" 6 times in this post, now 7 I guess.

It's a miracle I even have a boyfriend.

One thing I will say do yourself a favour and go check out Croft and Co in Parkview, this place, recently renovated, has the best sandwiches and the atmosphere is great (if you avoid the morning cyclists lets-take-over-an-entire-coffee-shop club).