The life of a writer/editor

Trinity: You always told me to stay off the freeway.Morpheus: Yes, that’s true.Trinity: You said it was suicide.Morpheus: Then let us hope that I was wrong.

I think about this when I drive LA freeways. But now, mostly, I think of sleep.

What does it mean to play the poetry game? Some people play the game, the media poetry game so everyone important in poetry knows who they are. If you don’t, you are left out in the cold. I can’t think of this. Let’s think of something more cheerful. I’m tired.

I’ll tell you a story. I was in a boat once sailing across a lake and it capsized. I never thought I was going to die. The other people on the boat frantically called for help and put on their life jackets. They wore their orange life jackets and people came by and scooped them up and took them off to get popcorn and hot chocolate. I swam two miles across the lake and when I landed on the beach I slept on the pine needles. I smelled like pine when I woke. There were pinwheels in the trees.

Tonight after the restaurant everyone left and caught a cab. I found my car and drove home. Not deliberate.

Sleeping now.

Eddie: So tell me about your boyfriend before us.

Maggie: We’ve been over this a thousand times, I’m not going to tell you about that. You’ll get mad and jealous.

Eddie: No, I won’t. Just tell me, I’m asking you.

Maggie: Well you have to promise.

Eddie: I promise. As long as he didn’t have a twelve inch dick.

Maggie: Well he didn’t have that for sure. He was fun at first. But he was bossy in bed.

Eddie: Bossy? How?

Maggie: Well, he used to say, Come on, Maggie put your back into it. This was while we’re listening to Patti Smith and Jimmy Buffet.

Eddie: What’d he mean by that?

Maggie: I never was quite sure. I remember him saying that and one morning we’re at it and his kid comes in with the wheat colored hair and the kid calls out, ‘Daddy,’ and we pop our heads out from under the covers, and the kid’s not dumb; he’s watching us, and Jimmy Buffet there says, ‘Hey son, me and Maggie are wrestling, but you can’t wrestle with us, you have to go back to bed and we’ll be out in a little while for breakfast.’ The kid disappears, closes the door.

He says, ‘Maggie, put your back into it,’ but no woman wants to be given orders in the bedroom. And he liked to tie me up by my arms with his belts to the bed posts and once he got drunk and left me there all night. He went to take a piss in the yard and he got arrested for indecent exposure, the neighbors called the cops and I was stuck, tied up.

Eddie: How come you couldn’t get untied?

Maggie: I tried! You make me sound incompetent.

Eddie: He sounds like a lot of fun.

Maggie: He always liked to pee on the grass. Whenever we were going anyplace he would stop the car and pee on the grass. He’d stop off the freeway, parks. He stopped to piss off both theGolden Gatebridge and the Verrazano-Narrows both I’m glad to say in the middle of the night. I’m amazed he didn’t get arrested.

Eddie: You were in love with this guy?

Maggie: You dated MissIdahowith no redeeming features except her boobs.

Eddie: Ask any man if that even compares. That is dating a woman for two amazing reasons. And you date an idiot who bosses you in bed, has bad taste in music and pees out of cars? I’m sorry Maggie, I’m way ahead here. I’m miles ahead. If we are inventors. I just invented the computer and you are working on glass.

Maggie: I am so glad I told you this story.

Eddie: So you left this guy before I came along. How’d you tear yourself away? I mean he sounds too good to be true. I don’t know if I could have done it.

Maggie: I pushed him over a bridge while he was peeing.

Eddie: Really?

Maggie: I forgot to bail him out of jail one time.

Eddie: Get real.

Maggie: Okay, I tried the usual. Pulling away, going away for the weekend, he didn’t want to break up. He liked me.

Eddie: He felt sorry for you.

Maggie: I’m sexy. I’m likeable.

Eddie: He was trying to save me.

Maggie: I developed a strategy. A plan to get rid of him. I won’t bore you with the details. I was out of town. We had girls show up with lots of alcohol. His kid was with the ex. Party out of control. Peeing on the lawn. He had sex with several girls. Police called. Arrest. Girls tied up. Pictures in the paper.

What choice did I have? His family could hardly blame me. So that was that. When you came along, I was relieved you had the decency to not be that kind of man. At least you haven’t told me to put my back into it, so I haven’t had to bring in any hookers.

Eddie: I’ll keep it in mind if I want to avoid hookers. Might be fun though. Do I have to pee on the lawn?

Maggie: Never know till you try. So do I get to hear about your ex-lovers?

Eddie: Well, I dated this one itchy librarian.

Maggie: Yeah right.

Eddie: I think she had allergies; she was always scratching herself. Like a little cat.

Maggie: I know when you’re kidding, you know. What about Charlie?

Eddie: I broke up with Charlie when I met you. She was fromLibya. She had a great British accent; her dad worked in foreign service or something.

Maggie: I like that. Or something. That’s what I’m going to say about my days as a topless dancer. I was into ballet or something.

Eddie: She used to make the oddest foods. Since we didn’t date long, I had to eat them.

Maggie: Oh so now that you’ve been with me so long if I give you oysters and coconut you don’t have to eat it?

Eddie: I’m not saying that, I’m just saying when you’ve been with someone for a long time you can be a little more honest. She put honey on turkey burgers. She ate wasabi with a lot of things you wouldn’t normally think of, like green beans, and okay rice is normal I guess, but just rice and wasabi? She said wasabi was good for weight loss.