Tuesday, 21 January 2014

Infuriating cliches. A rant

I suppose we all use them, otherwise they wouldn't be, well, cliches. But there are two in particular which drive me mad:

1. Every parent's worst nightmare
In today's Times, there is this headline. And the nightmare? Brace, yourselves folks. Apparently every parent's worst nightmare is that their child should bite another and not apologise. Hands up all those whose child has never bitten anyone? (Okay, you at the back; your kids are obviously perfect). And that's a nightmare (witih no apology, of course)? What's wrong with these people? Don't they realise that children are born with three weapons: food (refusal of), potty training (ditto), and teeth. Mine used all three to good effect (often without apology), rendering me powerless. They have grown up to be good, useful, funny people, wiith nice friends and good jobs (get back to yours, B) and we are all still speaking to each other. The bite marks have all healed.

2. There's nothing worse than...
This expression is used indescriminately. Apparently there's nothing worse than being late for work...going shopping and finding you've forgotten your purse...missing the bus etc etc. You know the kind of thing. But there is always something worse; from falling through ice to rescue your dog (why do people do this?) to being boiled in oil. (Anyone undergoing the second of these is entitled to say there's nothing worse than their situation, but they probably won't have time.)

"I don't mean to be nasty but... " Oh yes you do. my lovely, quiet, shy toddler (many years ago) left her teeth marks in another girl's cheek when she pushed in front of her at the slide. She's now 22 and making her way up in the world of finance... so watch out any guys (or girls) who try to get ahead of her!

Well those two....and parents in general nowadays annoy me, from those with their kid on a leash to the ones who let their 5-yr old decide to be a vegetarian, to all the video screens in vehicles so these model parents can keep the little angels "quiet".

'To be honest' is up there too, although I probably use that myself t times! When my daughter was small, she was bitten by the little boy down the road (they were playing in my house) but the first I knew of it was when the little boy's mother marched him back up to us later that day. To complain that my daughter had cut his hair - she had taken off a very small amount with plastic scissors (at least I think they were plastic - might be selective memory). Then we heard about the bite. Must say neither child seemed the least bit concerned.

Oh, how true! This made me nod in agreement, and laugh, at the same time! I'm very aware, though, that I sometimes find those very same irritating little phrases other people use - and I don't even know it until it's pointed out to me! 'To be fair' is one of them! Why would I not want to be fair? Why do we say that - or half the casual phrases we use?! Subconsciously copying other people, unfortunately!

The way Waitrose does its packaging these days offers great examples of cliche words. I suppose they are quite useful, though not in the way they seem to think. When I have calmed down after reading that some food I was going to buy is "Creamy" "Buttery" or "Indulgent" I remember that I shouldn't be buying stuff like that and virtuously put it back on the shelf. I just try not to read the packets of the ones which are "warming" "spicy" and "comforting". (Oh, yes, "comforting" is another one I shouldn't be buying....)

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Frances Garrood

About Me

I live with my husband in Devizes in Wiltshire where I spend my time writing, reading, riding (I am the lucky owner of a beautiful horse, Blue), and keeping up with my four children and an increasing number of small grandchildren (eight so far). I was for many years a nurse and a Relate counsellor. I have taught creative writing both at a local college and a prison, and I review a wide variety of items - including books - for the Amazon Vine programme.I write to death row prisoners in America, being a life-long opponent jof the death penalty. And I spend too much time blogging..