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So I thought of this thread after a discussion with a friend of mine. Last year he came into some money as he was made redundant, something around £7k, and pledged to use it to start his own business as he was fed up working in the corporate environment.

During that time, I was with him when another friend of his called and asked if he wanted to join them in Ibiza for the week to celebrate a birthday. In typical fashion, without thinking he said yes and literally got up, packed his bags and headed for the airport that evening. When he came back he was showing of all these pictures of him drinking stupidly expensive champagne and went on about how much of a good time he had.

Not going into details, he's been through enough that he deserves to let his hair down whenever but I was scratching my head puzzled as the week before he was talking about using his money to help his struggling mum and start a business, but now he had blown all his money and had no job.

Anytime someone ask him out somewhere he always says yes. Even when he has a prior arrangement he will somehow try to merge the two or go to both. He's a fantastic guy and every one loves him and his quirks.

Broke and jobless, we are having a deep conversation about a number of things and I brought up the conversation about his spending in Ibiza. He felt no way about it, justifying that his friends also went and spent thousands on champagne. Paradoxically, he also was emotional by the fact he was not in a position to help his mum out and or start a business but mentioned a friend invited him to go to Thailand for 3 months and he was going.

I told him that he needs to carve out a life for himself. All his friends that were in ibiza with him all went back to their jobs, wives and children and every time an opportunity comes up for him to do something with his life (relationship, money and family) he inevitably throws it down the drain, especially as he goes on about not having the aforementioned.

It's getting to a point where everyone around him is getting married, having children, buying properties or getting on with a career. I just fear that 10 years from now all he's going to be over reliant on others for any ounce of happiness or self worth

Sorry, I know it's a long post and I hope it makes sense. What are your thoughts?

Spot on - or as my son says, you can try to help friends with advice but you cannot live their lives for them.
If it were me I would make sure I wasn't around in 10 years time when he's likely to sponge off you.

The questions that get the best answers are the questions that give most detail....

Some people invest in their future because the fear of being destitute, broken, lonely and depressed is not worth any immediate enjoyment. Some on the other end take the attitude that no-one knows what tomorrow will bring and rather make sure they make the best of any immediate opportunity.

The problem is when the latter came to that stage when the immediate enjoyments are harder to gain, and the realisation that the future has become present can be tough to take. They are not victims though, they face the choices they made.

You can talk to him in a non patronizing way, but you can't change his outlook on life though.

I'm 51 and if I'd known what I know now at, say, 25 I'd have lived my life like your 'friend'.

Master Apothecary Faranell replied, “I assure you, overseer, the Royal Apothecary Society dearly wishes to make up for the tragic misguidance which ended so many lives. We will cause you no trouble. We seek only to continue our research in peace".

My thoughts: I would say to your friend the same thing I will be saying to my daughters. The most important thing in life is to ensure you are living your life how you want to and enjoying it long term.

The key words there are long term.

It is easy to enjoy your life in the short term (For example, by blowing your cash in Ibiza), but that is only a short term, quick fix. Long term enjoyment often means short term sacrifices. For example, studying a degree for 3/4 years will mean not having much money in that time and living cheaply, but in the long term, it should give you better earnings in the future to enjoy your life better long term.

I accept it is difficult to understand what you would enjoy long term, but that is part of life we all go through. As long as you are doing things with a thought process and plan in place, then go for it.

S
It's getting to a point where everyone around him is getting married, having children, buying properties or getting on with a career. I just fear that 10 years from now all he's going to be over reliant on others for any ounce of happiness or self worth

So? No one has to do any of those things. Why do you think that getting married, having kids and buying property is going to make you happier in the long run that travelling and partying?
What's self worth got to do with any of it?

As my mum will say " you're big enough and daft enough to make your on mind ," He's a grown man , who's to say getting a house, married and children is a good life choice or dropping everything at the drop of a hat is in either.

Horses for courses.

Life is like a bath, the longer you are in it the more wrinkly you become.

To be honest. If he really was going to start his own business squandering all his income wouldn't or shouldn't be a barrier. There are always ways to get money, and essentailly for a business it could even be classed as good debt rather then doing it over a hoilday or spending spree.

All I'm saying is people talk a lot about what they want to do, but actually doing it is another matter.

I'm a bit of a dreamer myself (although I'm not the sort of person to blow £7,000 on one week, that would have at least bought me 7 weeks away as a family) and often talk with my best friend how I'll do this in X years or planning on doing this but things change, or ideas get forgotten...etc.

He had a good time and sounds like he has no regrets, so good on him and focus on your own life.

Horse for courses but in my view the guy is a drifter with no anchorage who will probably end up being a liability to himself and his friends He may think it's fun to do what he,s doing but there's always as price to be paid for the decisions we make. As somebody else has intimated I wouldn,t want to be around in ten years time when when he'a still broke, has no home and has probabky become an alcoholic.

He might think his lifestyle is fun now but gradually as all his friends grow older and carve out solid lives for themselves he will find himself drifting on the margins . But that is his choice and he needs to figure out whether a life of selfish hedonism will still be worth it when he's old and grey, still has no permanent home or financial security. Sooner or later most people have to grow up!

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