Honesty

May 8th

Grab a coffee or perhaps something much stronger, maybe bring some nibbles, this could take a while, I have seven weeks worth to get off my chest! Stay with me if you please, I've missed you. Right I've cracked open the wine, cheers to us!

For as long as I can remember I have taken photographs. I was fascinated by the cine camera pappa had when I was a child and as soon as I was able I looked from behind a lens. Do you remember the days when we had to either use a dark room or send the film off in a canister to the Kodak factory and wait patiently for a week or so for the photographs to come back? In my case so many, the majority I suspect were terrible; heads cut off and the perfect view that was sought was blurred on film. We did not have the technology to see the result there and then nor in my case the finances to snap away happily photo after photo. I dread to think how much it would cost today if I had to print every photo I took.

Why am I writing about this now? And how does this relate to the title, Honesty?
It has been 7 weeks since I looked at this blog or the associated emails and it got me thinking, why do I blog? I have asked this question to myself before and more to the point why do I occasionally step back, all be it unintentionally? Being grateful

So my train of thought went something like this...

I've been busy... I've been tired...I couldn't summon up the energy...I lost my making mojo...I did not know what to blog...I have too many WIPs and don't know which to pick up first...Maybe I'll just start something new... perhaps I should do something completely different... spent time looking at other's creations and sighing at how great they were and why was I bothering when there is so much talent out there...blogging is hard work...I couldn't fit it in with everything else...something had to give...

...you get my drift...

I am not here asking for sympathy I just want to be honest. When I look back at the month of April, my photograph folder for that month is totally empty. This has NEVER happened to me before and to be honest (well, this is a post about honesty after all) I was quite shocked about it. My husband would not believe it if I told him. Years ago, we were lucky to take a sabbatical for a year where I documented everything by photographs, so much so that the family at first became annoyed and irritated by being followed by a camera to in the end not really noticing it. On return home, my photographs (thousands! of them) proved useful in memory jogging and have been used for many presentations, John became reluctantly grateful for my photography and said as much. Photos and images are important to me, perhaps that is why for a long time now Instagram is my favourite social media.

So back to being honest. We live in a fast-paced 24-hour society which whether we like it or not is here to stay. We share our lives online from what we eat for breakfast to our pets favourite sleeping positions, I mean who really wants to know? Looking at my IG account in the last 3 years I have posted 1400 images of which 22% were of food that I was about to consume, I mean really?!?!?

This constant feed of images and people's opinions, and for me as I love crafting, the constant reminder of fabulous makes and inspiration have taken its toll and I am or should I say was, as I think I am coming out of it, totally bombarded and overwhelmed by information. My brain was fogged up and I could not take any excess information in that if it did not feed into my immediate day to day life it had to go.

I looked at all these inspirational makers out on the www of whom I respect and wonder how do they fit it all in? Photos are styled to perfection, people are trend setters or quick to be on trend that I couldn't keep up after all my short stumpy legs were never designed for running and yet that was what I seemed to be doing. I do remember one comment on this blog, someone told me I lived the perfect life. I replied that I only showed the good bits and why would I want to photograph the house when it looked like a hurricane had passed through or indeed about mundane things. I continued that I only showed what I felt comfortable showing and that invariably it was the 'nice' aspects of life. I am totally sure this is true for all the people I admire and respect but it is so easy to loose sight of it. It makes me realise how impressionable we all are even when we think we are strong. So what chance do the younger generation have being born into this 24 hour instant 'selfie' society that we have become?

Not wanting to drop any important balls in my life of the constant juggling or make any disastrous mistakes I think blogging and making took an unconscious side step to enable me to breathe and continue life at a fast walk rather than a sprint.

Often people tell me I am busy, but I look around and think they are just as busy as I. But then my sister said earlier this year when she feels stressed she just thinks about my life and realises she's not stressed.

Ouch, that hurt.

I don't/didn't feel stressed but perhaps life was all too consuming. I'm a pleaser, can you tell, I don't want to let anyone down... and yet perhaps I was letting myself down. As my husband reminded me this weekend, my strength lies in working and not necessarily in thinking, so this hiatus of not creating and blogging has invariably been immediately filled with other things (boat choring for the past 8 weekends springs to mind) so I still have not had the time to think and sort out where everything fits in my life and how to better manage it all and achieve at the same time. Maybe I shouldn't think and just plod along as fast as my stumpy legs will carry me.

I feel like I am coming out of the other end and so hopefully I will be blogging all the more frequently in the near future. I am no closer to knowing how best to continue but this 'rest' seems to have worked and my tired mind and body are slowly recovering and ready to crack on. But here is a question for you... how do you fit everything in?

I seem to have finished my glass of red, you were great company and I thank you, hope you had an interesting time too. Until next time... ♥

“We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated.” – Maya Angelou

17 comments:

Oh my goodness, I ask that question myself, when I see how creative everyone is and some who post nearly every day! I think that blogging should be a joy, something to share your happiness, your sadness, your ups and downs and all the wonders of the world around us. But when we are uninspired, we can feel like it is another burden, something we have to do, and it can be a real drain on our time. For me, blogging is my inspiration and my way of keeping in touch because I am rather isolated here. I have made some real pals in the blogging world, including you, and the ongoing story of everyone's lives is a wonderful narrative that I look forward to whenever I get the time to visit. I don't blog for any other reason....I don't have a shop, I don't make any money, I simply blog to connect with other like-minded souls. Yes, we put our best foot forward, but we also share our heart-aches and whenever we do, there are so many wonderful blogging friends to boost our spirits and keep us feeling like we can go on. So, I am here to tell you that I enjoy your posts, whether you do it often, or not so much, whether you show us your messy rooms or the new craft you have just completed. In other words, you matter in my life and I do hope you take some time to re-group and then get back to it because we would all miss you very much. Hugs xo Karen

There's a balance to be had in presenting a false, unattainable view of a life which simply makes the reader feel unworthy and unfulfilled and the bleak honest reflection of a daily grind which reinforces feelings of fatigue and occasional despair. For me, you get it right. I am inspired by your blogging. You have encouraged me to crochet. Me, a self proclaimed non-creative, overly logical, time-strapped, risk-averse woman. I salute you. (And btw, I cope by largely not cleaning the house unless I'm expecting visitors. Hint: don't call in unannounced. And I stopped ironing when my children were born. I don't feel bad about these things.) Honesty is more than about showing the bare reality of our lives. It's about opening up and sharing, and you do that. And you inspire by doing it.

There are so many things that I want to say in response to your moving blog post, lots of little bitty thoughts with no overall theme...

I'm sure most bloggers can relate to the feelings that you're describing - which is why you see so many posts out there beginning with the words 'Sorry I haven't blogged for ages...' If this were a paid day job, you'd get burned out if you never took time off. If you're running low on bloggy motivation, or you're just being pulled in too many other directions in your life, then fine: you don't owe anyone an explanation! We're not paying your salary - we just like to hang out on your blog when you're around!

I was rather gobsmacked to read that you hadn't taken ANY photos in April, though. I mean, I'd noticed that your FB updates have tended to be purely text-based and fewer than usual recently, but NO photos?!

And yes, it's a difficult line to tread between showing the mundane, messy, details of real life, and showing the pretty and the inspiring, and the perfect. Lucy (A24) said that for her and for other bloggers she knows, their blog is their 'happy place', where they deliberately focus on the good stuff. And surely that's OK?! Most people will have the sense to remember that NOBODY'S life is perfect, even whilst they admire the photos of your beautiful home and stunning crochet.

Also, online interaction can be as exhausting as real-life interaction. As an introvert, i.e. person-whose-batteries-are-recharged-by-time-alone-regardless-of-how-much-I-do-genuiney-like-people, there are times when I just can't cope with ALL THE TALKING. I have a talky job, VERY talky children, talky friends, (a near-silent husband!), and lots and lots of online chatter going on. These are all good things, but sometimes I just need to hide under a stone and NOT COMMUNICATE. I don't know whether you can relate to any of that at all - if you can, I could send you a link to a very helpful short article. But it's OK to just need to withdraw for a while.

And yes, it's hard when you're bombarded with a never-ceasing stream of images of amazing things that people have created. But remember that they're probably looking at your stuff and thinking 'Wow', too, whilst seeing all sorts of faults in what they've made.

As for the 'how to fit it all in'... I wish I knew! I attempt to do lots of things, but progress on each is very slow (to the infuriation of my husband), and I don't do all of them well. At all. Seriously.

Sorry, I haven't been very helpful. But I felt for you so much as I read your words. You're amongst friends here: just drop by when you want to.

I will be back to comment at more length; it's six a.m. here and I'm not up yet... Just want you to know I dropped by. Big hugs to you, my friend! (this is refusing to publish as "http://www.arandomharvest.wordpress.com" and I don't like leaving anonymous comments. sigh . . .) ~ Linne

I don't fit everything in - not by a long chalk! I was lucky enough to be able to take early retirement a couple of years ago, and I don't know how I ever spared the time to hold down a full-time job :) And my house still looks like a tip. We've all got clean underwear, anything else is a bonus ;) I used to take lots of photos, but these days all I photograph is my knitting. For me (and I'm not saying this is true for you, at all), I would get so caught up in the technicalities of taking a 'good' photo, that I'd miss most of the actual experience. Now I'm completely at the other extreme and it rarely occurs to me to whip out my phone and take a photo. Very occasionally I kick myself for not snapping something, but rarely. Life is full of ups and downs and no matter how old we get, that never changes. Age and experience may smooth out some of the bumps in the road, but we can still lose out bearings, stumble into ditches, etc, and find new things to learn about ourselves. We may be getting older, but we're not static, our lives change and we change too.

My children have grown up, left home and have families of their own so it is a way of communicating with like minded people. It then became a journal of important events and little discoveries, patterns and recipes. The support and encouragement I get from fellow bloggers is something that I enjoy. I hope you know that you have been missed. Take care.

Oh it's so hard isn't it. I have this conversation with myself so often. And I don't fit it all in, I wish I did. I love to hear how other people manage things. I look out for tips and tricks and inspiration and motivation. The online world can be very overwhelming at times can't it. Sometimes I just have to step away. Lovely to see a post from you, and well done for all you achieve. Don't feel despondent, you're doing a brilliant job. CJ xx

You don't fit everything in, you do what you can when you can. You take time out when you can and when you need to. Sometimes I leave the laundry, let the dishes sit in the dishwasher a few hours more, allow my boys to rummage through the freezer for their dinner while I sit and do nothing. It's good, we all survive, we get back to 'normality' at some point and life continues on. I have missed your blog posts, but I can tell you needed the break, so good for you!

Hi, selma. I tried to leave a comment the other day, but it would't upload, so I have emailed it. Leaveing this to see if it's working today. Hugs to you. ~ Linne from A Random Harvest (dot)wordpress (dot) com

I think it is less about fitting everything in and more about prioritising. Sometimes things just have to give and other times they become more important, at least that's how it seems to be for me. I'm much more of a doer than a thinker too!

Do come back soon Selma, I miss your posts and one of the reasons I like your blog is that your posts are thoughtful and you obviously take time over them. Like you, I sometimes feel bamboozled, my head seems so full of potential posts but if I don't have time to construct them properly, I let them go and if I know that time is short, I don't even start to think about blogging. This is a very busy time of year for parents. Concentrate on your priorities and come back here when you can find some space. Sending hugs. x

Hi, Selma; just checking in to see how you are doing. I hope you are happy working on the boat and such-like. summer does take up our time more than winter, doesn't it? And with the wee ones home, it's different, too. Don't rush to start posting again; we'll be here when you're ready. I do hope you are finding some time for creativity, though, and a good dollop of time for being outdoors, not 'doing' just 'being'. :-) Big hugs to you in the meantime. ~ Linne

Well, here I am again . . . I've been crocheting (and doing a bit of knitting, too) a fair bit, but not posting either. Summer is winding down here and I'm looking forward to being busy indoors more. Hope your summer has gone well and that you will be back sometime. No rush, though; it's just that I miss your posts and that lovely peek into your world every so often. Not to mention your crochet projects and lovely recipes. In the meantime, take care and we'll see you when we see you, as they say. Hugs from Western Canada. ~ Linne

I sat here and read your blog post tonight and nodded along. I have become lost since I started work again in April. I don't seem to have time for anything other than the day to day and even that is a struggle most times. I hadn't taken time to create or plan and certainly didn't have time to contemplate or dream. A lot of people have said the same thing to me this year, life has sped up and is moving at such a pace they feel like they should look like a graceful swan on the surface to all who surround them but underneath they are fighting to keep afloat. I can't seem to find that balance yet. Hopefully it will come, I am silently begging it to come as I really cannot continue on at the pace I seem to be going at. I haven't had time for social media other than to post occasionally and no time for books or magazines. These and creating are the things that feed my soul, I need to be balanced and yet I am ignoring them for the sake of getting the chores done and ticking the boxes. Maybe I to need to take a step back and look at what can be adjusted and tweaked to return back to gently paddling. Best of luck, if you find a solution let me into the secret. xx