Another Tuesday today started as every weekday except this morning our son asked daddy to get up at 5.15am. We both responded together, “no, back to bed.” He then curled up under his duvet and fell asleep on the floor. About an hour later daddy got up with him and then went downstairs. Soon after I woke our daughter and got her dressed. After the normal morning hassle, we were soon in the car all heading towards daddy’s work and then school.

Once we arrived at school my 5 year old insisted on putting her pencil case and glasses in her book bag. We had an argument in the road as nasty mummy put her foot down. Her pencil case is very pretty, ‘My little pony’, I’m sure appealing to many 5 year olds. The glasses I’m not sure where they come from. They might have been a McDonald’s freebie but she insists that she can’t see without them. They have clear plastic lenses. I’m sure her teacher would prefer they are left in my car rather than having to take them off her in class.

I left the children at the school breakfast club looking forward to my day off today. I had planned to read some of my book. This did not happen, once I had loaded the washing machine I switched on my lap top and then got lost in the world of the internet. An email from eBay led to me buying a care bear for our 5 year old. However then followed the complication of using the wrong eBay account and having to then cancel one order to then reorder on a different account in order for the discount code to be honoured. I phoned PayPal once, eBay maybe four times and the seller in Glasgow maybe 3 times. If you ever get an email from eBay with a discount code, ensure you are using the account that that email is attached to. Then ensure you have entered the code before you check out with Paypal. I found my laptop would not let me enter the code, but my tablet then did. Why is nothing ever simple? Or why do I have to complicate things?

In between the phone calls, I washed a Hug rug, put the washing on the washing line and put another load in the machine. I vacuumed the house and tidied some of the front room. My day flew by and I was soon back in the car, driving to collect the kids from school.

I had then planned to help them get their homework finished. The first thing the kids wanted was toast and then they were jumping on the furniture whilst I was tidying the kitchen. Why do they have to jump on the furniture? “The floor is lava”, I get mad at them for not respecting the furniture then remember they are just 5 and 7 and they are having a lot of fun. Not so fun for my nerves though, as I don’t want them or the furniture broken as they leap from arm chair to arm chair, run across to settee then leap back to the arm chair. As a child, I can not remember doing this. I’m sure if I had my parents would have gone mad at me.

Both children did not eat all their dinner again, maybe due to our well-meaning neighbour giving them a large bag of crisps as we arrived home after collecting daddy from work. Telling them they could not have them till after dinner did not work as we had a huge tantrum from both of them.

Getting them to bed was difficult as they both wanted daddy to put them there. They continued to play for quite a while, refusing to go to bed. I could still hear them at 9pm, they are quiet now. I am assuming they are both asleep in my 7 year olds bed so I will be moving my 5 year old later.

They argue a lot but they are also best friends, I really hope they continue to be. I do tell them that they need each other, she needs to look after him and him look after her. I think that this important and it is lovely when they are playing nicely together.

Anyway I am now going to get some rest before the morning stress starts again tomorrow and the drama of being mum.

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It was a warm evening as I sat looking out to sea, my dog Rosie was sat next to me offering comfort. When life gets me down, I will often get in the car and just drive usually ending up sitting on a beach watching the waves crashing against the sand. The power of the water and the inner calm that it brings. I sat feeling a mixture of anger and hurt as well as elation and maybe a lucky escape. I had met Terry on a night out with friends, we had been so close, and I had thought that he might be the one. We had been together six months and a few days ago he dumped me in a text message. Why do men do this, build you up just to knock you down?

So here I am, single again, what is wrong with me? By now I should be able to write a book on relationships and educate others on what not to do. ‘What men do not want, what will make a man run?’ Maybe the point that Rosie my dog is so important to me. Rosie comes before anyone else and some men will just not understand how much of a family member a dog is. I have had Rosie five years now from a puppy, she is a very obedient cocker spaniel. I have now learned that the next man I meet will need to be a dog lover. What else could I have done wrong? I did not know. Feeling rather useless and abandoned I stroked my beloved pooch.

I am thirty now, my body clock is ticking. So, what now? Men are idiots. I’m a nice person, surely one day the man of my dreams will come into my life. Until then I need to make the most of what I have got. I had decided that I needed a holiday, I needed time away and I did not mind going alone. Earlier this week I had booked myself a last-minute week in Wales, just me and Rosie.

The next morning, I had packed and had the car packed by 10am. Starting the engine I waved goodbye to home. Time away from all the “told you so’s” and the “he’s not worth it’s”, well-meaning friends that really do not help. Thankfully work had let me book leave at short notice, for me a broken heart was a good excuse for an impromptu holiday. Taking the A2 I started to sing, as we finally reached the M4 I was starting to wonder why I had started this crazy journey. Eventually, I saw a sign for Neath and breathed a sigh of relief, it had been a long journey with many stops along the way.

The rolling countryside and the peace were just what I needed. I sat down in my cosy holiday cottage and thought about my life. Where was I heading? I was an administrator and I was not keen on my job, I was sure I was worth more. Maybe I should consider attending university, but, how could I? I have rent and bills to pay. What was I good at? I like children, could I teach? I was not sure, educating young minds, but could I really be an educator, I have enough problems educating myself. Maybe I could be a nurse, I’m caring and good with people, maybe I could do an apprenticeship and get paid to train. This didn’t seem like a bad idea except I get very attached to people, I would need to toughen up.

I spent six glorious days in Wales, trying to get my thoughts straight and as the saying goes, ‘wash that man out of my hair’. My life was miles away and it was good to be away from everyone I knew. I have always been a loner and the inner peace I felt here proved that. Rosie was enjoying all the walks and her tail was wagging non-stop. She especially liked Aberavon Beach at Port Talbot paddling in the sea and the Knoll estate in Neath with its pretty grounds. I could not help noticing the house prices in an estate agents window. I found a one bedroom terraced house for under £40 000 and it had spectacular views. I thought maybe I should skip the idea of studying back home and move to Neath. I didn’t think my family would approve of this, just a little bit too far to pop around for a cup of tea and a chat.

So, the holiday is now over, and I am now driving back down the M4 listening to Brian Adams on the radio, singing along to ‘summer of ’69’, Rosie is happily lying across the back seat. I am heading home, back to reality and the know it all’s. I have decided that no man is going to make a mug out of me anymore. I deserve respect and not to be messed around. I am also going to try and let the well-meaning advice wash over me. At least I’m not going to end up being a crazy cat lady, maybe I could be a crazy dog lady instead. I’m going to get my life together. I suppose Terry has made me reflect on my life and made me realise that I want more from it.

I was exhausted and relieved when I finally arrived home. I have learned from this experience that only I can look after myself. Later tonight I will look online at college and university courses. Till then I grabbed a bottle of wine out of the fridge, got down a glass and walked upstairs to have a bath with bubbles. I deserved it, I lay there and toasted Terry and the other idiots I have met, who have pushed me towards furthering my education and really making something of myself. I am a strong independent woman and I will now show the world, cheers.

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