Author's Note:
Hey everyone! I wanted to try writing something a bit different.
Yes this is slash. To my general readers who are concerned that I
will only be writing slash from now on, don't worry, I have a fic
in the process of betaing (about the length of Family Night) that
returns to the whole family theme. I hope everyone who reads this
enjoys! This was written for my wonderful beta Katie, who is the
most patient, honest, wonderful beta reader I could hope for. The
amount of time she spends reading my things over and over is cause
for a medal. She is constantly pushing me to try new things, such as
this, and without her constant encouragement, writing would not hold
nearly the same joy as it does for me. So thank you Katie, once
again, for everything.

oOoOoOo

The
weeks following the second task of the Tri-Wizard Tournament were
some of the hardest Harry had ever faced.

First
there were the nightmares. He concealed them from everyone, not
wanting his friends to think of him as some sort of sentimental wimp.
More importantly, he didn't want to remind people who he'd
missed the most.

Most
assumed it was a brotherly thing; Fleur had saved her sister, Harry
had saved the closest thing he had to a brother, simple! But those
few that had teased that Harry missed Ron the way Krum would miss
Hermione, or that Cedric would miss Cho, were the ones that were
closest to the truth.

It
had been inevitable really. Ron had been the only person to ever
befriend Harry, to make him feel like something more than just an
inconvenience to be shoved in the cupboard and forgotten. In a way,
Harry had loved Ron since they met at the age of eleven, but it had
taken Harry a few years to realize his feelings toward his best
friend were more than brotherly.

Oh
he had denied it and wished it away all that he could. He wanted to
be normal and have a crush on Ginny or Hermione or Lavender or
Parvati. He didn't want to feel a secret thrill every time Ron
laughed at one of his jokes or threw an arm over his shoulder. When
he and Ron had gotten into their huge fight at the beginning of the
year, he had tried to convince himself that it was actually a good
thing. It would give him time to get away from Ron and to get a grip
on himself. All the feelings would go away with distance, or so the
theory went. But he'd missed Ron so much. Hermione noticed, of
course, and tried to convince them to make up, but not only did Harry
still think Ron was in the wrong, but he was afraid. Because what if
someone figured it out? Someone had to figure it out; Harry felt
like it was written all over his face every time he was around the
redhead.

When
Ron approached him after the first task, Harry didn't even need to
hear his apology, he was just so thrilled to have him back. That
night he'd watched Ron sleep and thanked the gods he had his friend
back.

But
he had to keep all that nonsense secret if he wanted to keep Ron; he
knew that. He knew now how horrible it was to be without him and
would die if he pushed Ron away because of his disgusting feelings
toward him.

And
so he did…until the stupid second task threatened to give the game
away. That was the second thing that plagued him in those weeks,
when the task was so fresh in everyone's minds. He was so afraid
someone would piece together what it meant.

But
they didn't. No one did. They just thought it was all some huge
joke, some great story. Even Ron was delighting in telling everyone
wild tales about it, relishing the excitement and attention it got
him.

In
the background, Harry sat tensed, waiting for someone to ask why Ron
was his chosen one. While no one noticed, he suffered from horrible
nightmares where he'd been too late and that had meant something.
For a while, he couldn't close his eyes without seeing Ron's
unconscious body floating limply, dead in his imagination. He woke
gasping several times, having to run over to Ron's bed to make sure
he was really alive, that Harry hadn't lost him forever. And every
morning, as Harry drank coffee and rubbed his tired eyes, Ron wolfed
down his food, complaining about potions and girls.

It
was typical of their relationship really. Everyone thought Harry was
a leader, and that his sidekicks focused all their attention on him,
but really, when they weren't in some dire situation, Harry faded
into the background, focusing the spotlight of his attention fully on
Ron and therefore transferring everyone else's attention to the
redhead as well. And Harry realized more and more that Ron didn't
seem to notice him back with the same intensity.

In
fact, Ron never seemed to give that second task much thought. Harry
got angry at times that Ron was able to spend so little thought on it
while Harry suffered through nightmares, a newfound fear of water,
and constant anxiety that Ron would discover his secret.

oOo

One
night, a few weeks later, the forth year Gryffindor boys were all
sitting around their dorm in their nightclothes, snacking on sweets
and talking.

"Did
you see what those Beauxbatons girls were wearing to the lake the
other day?" Seamus asked eagerly. "The weather's not getting
that warm."

"No
complaints here though. I love how the French girls are
so…uninhibited." Dean waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Yeah,
next time, screw the cold water, I'm joining them," Seamus
announced. Dean and Ron agreed with a whoop. Harry caught Neville's
gaze and rolled his eyes. Neville smirked and nodded in agreement.
Yeah right were the other boys ever going to pluck up enough courage
to follow through with anything they boasted.

"I'm
telling you, if I was in the Tri-Wizard Tournament, it would be the
one with the short blonde hair and the big rack as my hostage. I'd
let her know exactly how she could thank me," Seamus said followed
by a quite graphic gesture.

"Well
fine, but I get the tall, leggy one with the really long brown
hair…you know the one?" Dean asked.

"Oh
yes, I know well," Seamus said with a dreamy look. "What about
you, Neville?"

Neville
blushed. "Oh, I don't know," he muttered.

"Yes
you do!" Ron urged. "Let's hear it!"

"Well,
I sort of like the one that always wears that flower in her hair,"
Neville admitted shyly.

The
rest of the boys made wolf-calls and Neville threw pillows at them.

"Well,
what about you, Ron?" he asked hotly, turning the attention onto
the redhead.

"No
question about it," Ron declared, looking knowingly at Harry.

Harry
held his breath and tried not to look too overjoyed. He rapidly
tried to think of what he should say in response. Just a friendly
shove, probably, with a laugh. Maybe a comment about being best
mates or would that be pushing it?

"Fleur
Delacour," Ron stated firmly.

Harry's
smile vanished instantly as the boys all howled around him, laughing
as Ron talked about exactly why she would be the person he'd miss
the most.

oOo

Later
that night, after his dormmates were all asleep, Harry lay awake in
bed, staring up at his canopy miserably. Of course Ron was going to
pick that stupid Beauxbatons girl. He tried to get some comfort in
the thought that Ron probably just named one of the French girls to
fit in, but the more he thought about it, the more he had to admit
that Ron wouldn't pick him, no matter the circumstances.

He
tried to look at it all realistically. Dean and Seamus would most
likely end up each other's hostage or have Lavendar or Parvati if
it went on actual crushes. Neville's would probably be Ginny; the
two had gotten much closer that year from what Harry could see. And
Ron, well, Ron would pick Hermione, if truth be told. Though the
redhead complained about her, it was clear he missed her when she was
away; not to mention that though he didn't always understand her,
he certainly noticed her. Just as he didn't notice Harry.
Just as nobody really noticed Harry. The Boy Who Lived they noticed,
but who would miss him as anything more than a celebrity? With all
the people he was close to, he'd always be second at best.

The
fact was, he would never be the person anyone would miss the
most.

oOo

That
thought always burning in the back of his mind, Harry put in a
special effort through the next few years to become that person for
Ron, without letting the redhead know about Harry's true feelings
toward him.

But
in their sixth year, just when Harry was sure he was making progress,
his fears were confirmed.

oOo

"Harry,
what would you do if you fancied someone and wanted to go out with
them?" Ron asked him. Harry was pretty certain Ron didn't mean
him and tried to mask his disappointment. He had tried everything he
could think of without making it obvious to get Ron to fall for him,
but it didn't seem to be happening. Ron just thought of them as
friends. Harry had known it was just a matter of time before Ron
started dating someone else, killing Harry's dreams of them being
together, but it still hurt.

Harry
thought briefly about Ron's question. If speaking from experience,
he'd have to tell Ron to become the person's best friend, save
them from imminent danger, and then wait around for several years
hoping they noticed you.

"Dunno.
Just ask them to Hogsmeade I reckon," he said flatly. He kept his
back to him, making his bed and straightening up his things.

"Yeah…"
Ron nodded, watching Harry curiously. "Do you really have to do
that?"

Harry
sighed. "You ask me that almost every day."

"Well,
it's nutters. Why bother?"

"Once
again, because I don't want the house elves to have to clean up
after me. And if I have nice things, I think I should respect them
enough to take care of them," Harry explained in a bored tone,
having made the same speech intermittently for years.

Ron
decided against his usual response, which included general grumblings
about the Dursleys and comments that bedspreads and pillows weren't
exactly luxury items. He was the only one who knew that to Harry,
they were.

When
Harry was done making a neat pile of his dirty laundry for the house
elves, he looked up in anticipation, waiting for Ron to lead them out
toward breakfast. But Ron was just looking at him expectantly.

"What?"

"Aren't
you going to ask who it is?" Ron asked in slight annoyance,
probably expecting the conversation to have gotten Harry a bit more
excited.

"Who
is it?" Harry asked dutifully, already knowing the answer.

A
nervous grin bloomed on Ron's face and he leaned in as if to share
a carefully guarded secret. "Hermione."

"Well,
I'd be glad to give you advice, but shouldn't you ask someone
who's had a bit more experience?" Harry asked.

"Sure,
I'll ask them about some of the stuff, but I just need your support
on this," Ron said pleadingly, looking suddenly very insecure.
"You know Hermione probably better than I do. Do you think I
should risk it? What if she says no? She probably wouldn't even
want to go out with me. You know, she's still in touch with Krum,
and in comparison to him, I'm nothing!"

"Hey,"
Harry said sharply, "you are a thousand times better than Krum."
He sighed. Though he desperately didn't want to tell the boy he
wanted to be with to go date someone else, he couldn't dismiss the
vulnerable expression on his best friend's face. "Yeah, you
should go for it if you really want. I know she'd at least agree
to a date. She's been waiting for you to ask her out for ages."

There,
his best mate duties were done. He prayed Ron wouldn't ask
anything else from him, because he frankly didn't know how much
more he could give right now.

Ron
beamed. "Really? Thanks mate. I think I will. Where do you
reckon I should take her?"

"Better
ask Seamus or Dean. They'd know better," Harry said abruptly,
trying to think of anything other than the idea of Ron and Hermione
on a date…snogging…getting married, starting a family, living
happily ever after.

Forgetting
about him.

As
they reached the Gryffindor table and sat across from Hermione, Ron
blushed and nudged Harry meaningfully under the table as he started
talking casually to Hermione. While Hermione smiled and casually
accepted Ron's nervous invitation to go to Hogsmeade together the
next day, Harry couldn't help but hope it would bomb.

He
felt like such an imposter as he plastered on a smile and made some
expected remark about it being "about time".

oOo

Friday
evening, Harry felt as if his stomach was filled with lead as Ron
bounced around the room, the rest of their roommates laughing, asking
eager questions and making dirty comments as Ron gushed about his
night.

Ron
flopped down next to Harry on Harry's neatly made bed. He laid
back as if exhausted from his delirious happiness while Harry sat on
the edge. "She's incredible," he said dramatically.

Ron
looked up at Harry with a grin. "It's all because of you, mate.
Thank you."

"No
prob," he muttered with a forced smile.

"And
you know what? She's a fantastic kisser," he declared to the
room. The boys broke out in excited catcalls.

Harry
felt nauseous. Ron painted a picture to the rest of the boys of him
being some Casanova, leading some passionate kiss between him and
Hermione. But Harry knew his friend. He knew how it had really
been.

Ron
would have been so nervous, surreptitiously wiping his sweaty palms
on his pants, trying desperately to remember Seamus's advice while
trying to figure out when to do it and how. In the end, he would
have been so jumpy Hermione would have had to initiate it. Ron would
have put his hands awkwardly on her hips, not wanting to shove them
up her shirt as Seamus and Dean had urged him to. It would have been
sloppy, with Ron concentrating on it with all his might, wanting to
do it right but not knowing how. But it would have meant so much to
Ron, he would have felt so proud of himself afterward, so excited.

And
Harry had wanted Ron to have that moment with him, not stupid
Hermione.

Suddenly
he felt a wave of crushing sadness and knew he had to get out of
there. He forced a smile and patted Ron on the shoulder.

"Well
done, mate," he said tightly before grabbing his cloak and his
broom.

"Where
are you going? It's almost midnight!" Ron protested.

"Just
getting some practice in," Harry called over his shoulder.

He
was already starting down the stairs when Ron grabbed his arm. Harry
met his friend's worried gaze.

"You
alright?" Ron asked in concern.

"Of
course, just going out for a fly," Harry said, not quite meeting
Ron's eye.

"Harry,
are you okay with me and Hermione? You've been acting odd. You
don't fancy her do you?"

"Kay,"
Ron nodded. "It'll all be okay, you know. I'll make sure of
it."

Harry
almost let out a bitter laugh, but nodded instead before turning and
practically fleeing down the stairs.

While
in the dorm room laughter about Ron being a ladies' man grew
sleepier, down in the dark, empty locker room, Harry slid down a
locker to the concrete floor, gulping in shaky breaths as he wiped
his sleeve across his cheeks, wishing he could be normal. Wishing he
could be happy.

oOo

As
predicted, Ron and Hermione became a couple. At first, everyone
thought it was adorable. They were the couple of Gryffindor.

Soon,
they just started to annoy the crap out of everyone, especially
Harry.

They
went from bickering and fighting to cuddling and flirting to make up
for the angry words beforehand. At first it was upsetting to Harry
and he often had to make excuses to get out of there and compose
himself. After awhile, however, he just felt drained by the whole
thing. They both came to him with their relationship problems, and
came to him again when they were feeling giddy about it. He just
wanted to shake them and tell them to wake up and realize they made a
horrible couple, that their relationship was all about putting out
the fires they created by constantly rubbing each other the wrong
way. They didn't belong together. Hermione belonged with some
bookworm who would appreciate her ambition. Ron belonged with him.

"Come
on, Harry, we're all going swimming!" Ron exclaimed one hot day
nearing summer. He hurried around the room like a tornado, tossing
things out of his wardrobe as he searched for his buried swim trunks.

"You
never come swimming, Harry. You have to. No excuses this time. I
know you have nothing better to do, you loser," Ron teased,
throwing his extra pair of swim trunks at Harry.

"Being
friends with you is so good for my self-esteem," Harry said with a
small laugh. "Alright, we'll see how cold it is."

"You're
such a bloody girl sometimes," Ron accused lightheartedly.

Harry
frowned, wondering what Ron would think if he knew he was gay. He
figured he'd be hearing those sorts of remarks with a touch more
malice.

"Well,
what are you just sitting there for? You changing or what?" Ron
asked stepping back out from behind his bed where he'd quickly
changed his shorts into waterproof ones.

"Yeah,
go on ahead, I'll catch up. Gotta find a towel."

"Fine,
but if you're not down there in five minutes, I'm coming back and
dragging your sorry arse down there, got it?"

"Yes
sir!" Harry joked, mock-saluting the redhead.

"That's
what I like to hear!"

When
the door clicked shut, Harry reluctantly changed into the ragged swim
trunks. He looked out the window and winced a bit at the sight of
the Great Lake. He did not want to swim. After that second
task, he would just as soon never get near the water again. But he'd
give it a shot to spend some time with Ron. The redhead had
expressed worry just a few days ago that Harry seemed to be closing
himself off, that it seemed something was bothering him. If swimming
would keep the questions at bay, he'd try.

oOo

Down
at the lake, most of Gryffindor was splashing around, trying to have
a last bit of fun before really needing to buckle down and study for
final exams. Harry stood at the edge, looking down into the dark
waters. Taking a deep breath he began to wade in, assuring himself
that once he got fully in, it wouldn't be a big deal and he could
just have fun with his friends. He watched jealously as Ron and
Hermione wrestled playfully on the dock, Hermione pretending to
resist much more than Harry suspected reflected her true desires.
She laughed as she tried to dodge by Ron and squealed in delight as
Ron grabbed her around the waist and half-carried her to the edge and
tossed her in.

Hermione
surfaced and splashed water up at Ron.

Harry
watched, mesmerized as Ron stood on the dock, water dripping down his
torso. He really was beautiful. Harry wondered if Hermione
appreciated what she had. Unwittingly, the image of Hermione's
hands on Ron's freckled chest flashed into his mind and Harry
pushed it out in disgust. It was so wrong.

His
daze was broken when Ron ran off the dock and jumped into the water
with a cannonball. Harry smiled fondly at Ron's antics, until he
met Hermione's eyes. Hermione was watching him with that
calculating gaze she'd adopted in the last month. Harry tore his
gaze away. He wondered if she suspected anything. Knowing her, she
probably did. He didn't want to consider what she would think of
him if she figured it out. She probably wouldn't be too worried;
it wasn't like he was a threat to their relationship.

It
was with a bitterer mood that Harry continued shuffling into the
water. The water soaked his shorts and suddenly lapped against his
stomach, causing him to shudder.

"Best
to get it all over with in one dunk, Harry!" Neville called over.

Harry
waved in acknowledgment and with a deep breath more for nerves than
for oxygen, he dived in.

As
soon as his head was under, as he was surrounded by silence and cold,
the memories and dreams flooded back. Ron tied to the pole, looking
like death. Pulling his friend toward the surface as the potion that
helped him breathe and swim faded away. Wondering if he was going to
be the cause of Ron's death. Imagined scenes of Ron's dead body
in his arms once they got to the top. All because of him.

He
broke the surface with a gasp. Everyone was still goofing around in
the middle of the lake, and the air was filled with laughter. But
Harry felt cold, and not just because of the frigid water. He had to
get out.

He
ungracefully scrambled toward the shore, stumbling and falling with a
splash more than once in his desperation to get out. It was only
once his feet were back on dry land that he could start to breathe
properly.

With
trembling hands, he plucked up his towel and glasses, wiping the
wetness from his eyes before shakily sliding the frames onto his nose
and wrapping the towel around his shoulders.

"Harry,
what are you doing?" Ron called in disappointment. "Get back in!"

"Too
cold!" he yelled. At least that would explain why he was shaking.

"Don't
be a wimp! Get your arse back in here!" Ron protested before
receiving a wave of water to the face, courtesy of Seamus.

"No
way! I'm staying on the nice warm shore," Harry called,
clenching the towel desperately around him and keeping his back to
the lake, walking quickly toward the castle. He couldn't get the
pictures of his worst fears out of his head. Every time he looked
back at the lake, he could only see Ron's limp body floating face
down in the water or remember the crushing darkness and cold of the
lake as he swam toward the shore, lungs burning as he clawed toward
the top, pulling Ron along and praying he was going to be okay.

He
heard the pounding of footsteps behind him and turned to see Ron
running up, the redhead's grin fading as he saw Harry's face.

"What's
the matter?" he asked urgently. "Did you get a vision or
something?"

Harry
shook his head. "No, I just…"

He
trailed off as Hermione came jogging up behind them in her swimsuit,
pulling her wet hair into a ponytail. "What's going on?"

"Nothing,"
Harry said immediately.

"Something's
wrong, Harry. You can see it on your face. You need to talk to us!"
Ron insisted.

Harry
inwardly flinched at that. The "us" in that statement hurt.

"It's
nothing. I just don't want to swim, okay?"

"Harry,
don't, that's not…"

Hermione
silenced Ron with a hand on her arm. "Ron, Harry just doesn't
want to swim."

Ron
looked at her incredulously. "You can't seriously be going along
with this. There's something wrong!"

"Ron,
just let him go," Hermione said softly. Ron looked at Harry
anxiously but Harry could tell he was going to listen to Hermione.
He was going to let Harry go.

"Are
you going to be alright Harry?" Hermione asked, but the look in her
eyes was off. Not insincere, but not exactly worried. She thought
he was leaving for a different reason. She had seen him staring at
Ron. She knew.

Harry's
eyes flicked down in shame. Hermione had been one of his best
friends. What was she thinking now? Probably the same thing the
Dursleys used to, that he was a freak.

"Yeah,
I'm fine," he assured them.

"Okay,
well if you decide you want to join us, you know where we are," she
said, taking Ron by the hand and leading him back. Harry watched the
two retreat. Ron looked over his shoulder at him in concern, quietly
saying something to Hermione, but Hermione shook her head and rubbed
his bare back reassuringly.

Harry
couldn't blame Hermione for feeling possessive. Harry would have
done the same if he'd been with Ron and thought someone wanted to
take him away. But for the next few months, their relationship would
be changed in a way nobody could really put their finger on.

oOo

It
was nearing the end of their seventh year when the second task came
up again, this time during a small party that turned to the retelling
of memories from Hogwarts in the wee hours of the morning.

"And
then you two popped up looking like drowned rats," Seamus laughed.

"I'll
never forget the look on Ron's face when he finally got a kiss on
the cheek from Fleur Delacour," Neville chuckled. Ron cast a
sheepish look at Hermione, who shot him a teasing glare.

"It's
an interesting question though," Dean said thoughtfully. "The
person you'd miss the most. Especially now that we're going to
leave here. Makes you think, you know?"

"Oh
no, don't make me cry!" Parvati protested with a sad laugh. The
idea of graduating and moving apart was a sore subject with all of
them, scaring them all more than they'd like to admit.

"We'll
all stay in touch," Lavendar vowed.

"But
if we didn't, who would you miss the most? Who would you keep in
touch with if you only could pick only one person because you
couldn't bare to lose them?" Dean insisted. "We all know
Harry's pick, but what about the rest of us?"

A
solemn silence settled among them.

"I'm
gonna miss good old Filch," Seamus announced suddenly to lighten
the mood. "I'll miss his optimism, his never ending hope that one
day he'll be able to torture troublemakers in the dungeons, just
like in the good old days. Now that's someone who holds onto the
good memories!"

Chuckles
went around as everyone joked about who they'd miss the most.
Harry sat back and watched contently, swirling the butterbeer in his
hand around in its bottle.

"Who
would you miss the most?" Ron asked his girlfriend with an eager
grin, catching Harry's attention from across the circle.

Hermione
pretended to think really hard. "Hmm, well, I do think I'd miss
seeing Terry Boot walk by me every day in Ancient Runes. He has a
very nice bum."

Ron
looked indignant. "The one you'd miss the most would be Terry
Boot's arse?"

Hermione
looked at him challengingly. "Are you saying you wouldn't have
had Lavender's breasts attached to that pole if you'd been
rescuing something you'd miss the most?"

Ron
blushed. "'Mione!" he hissed.

She
shrugged. "You certainly enjoy staring at them all day."

"Aw,
come on 'Mione, you know you're the one I'd miss the most,"
Ron said giving her a small kiss. "You and your breasts."

Hermione
laughed and playfully shoved the redhead. "Well, you'd be the one
tied to my pole, Merlin knows why."

The
two laughed and kissed, not thinking to notice their best friend
trying to not look crushed as he slipped away from the small party.

oOo

When
Ron and Hermione suddenly broke up in the middle of their seventh
year, Harry was caught between feeling sorry for his friends and
being secretly overjoyed. He knew it wasn't fair to Hermione, as
he was her best friend too, but in that time immediately after their
breakup, Harry leapt to Ron's side, making sure he was there
whenever his best friend needed to talk.

He
went to Hogsmeade with Ron, immediately after, even though it was
clear from the outfit he was wearing and the places he dragged Harry
to that he was trying to run into Hermione, or at least see if she
was out with anyone.

Admittedly,
though, after that, Ron didn't seem to need his shoulder to cry on.
In fact, Ron didn't even seem to care enough to tell Harry the
reason behind it. Harry hoped it was from apathy about the split
rather than a failing in their friendship.

After
a few weeks with no indication from Ron that he noticed him
like he noticed Ron, Harry forced himself to admit that Ron
wasn't ever going to see him that way. They were best friends,
almost family, but it would never be anything beyond that.

He
was devastated.

What
was wrong with him? Why did he always have to be different in some
way that seemed to make his life a living hell? With everything else
piled on his shoulders, was it so much to ask that he be normal in
this area? That he fantasize about what was under Lavendar Brown's
skirt instead of dreaming of Ron lying next to him? Why couldn't
he be building up the nerve to ask Parvati to Hogsmeade rather than
having a near heart attack every time his leg brushed Ron's on the
bench at dinner? He wanted to fret about how far some girl would let
him go instead of worrying that Ron would find out what he was
thinking and hate him for it.

He
didn't want to be a freak.

He
knew Ron noticed as he began to draw away from his friend, though it
wasn't too obvious on the surface. As the end of the year drew
nearer, and Harry realized he did not want to be an Auror after the
shit storm he was already wading through, he decided he might be
interested in medicine. After all, it would be useful with the whole
Voldemort thing and he really wanted to help people not die
for a change. That meant university. That meant Hermione.

Hermione
was thrilled at his decision and as she dove headfirst into helping
him prepare applications and study for important exams, it seemed all
the edginess that had threatened their friendship ebbed away.

It
also gave him legitimate excuses to avoid Ron and any emotional pain
the redhead might bring him just by smiling in his direction.

But
even aside from the physical distance, Harry slowly edged away
emotionally. He listened to everything Ron had to say, encouraged
him in his decision to work at Fred and George's place for awhile
to save up some money, even agreed to get a flat with him near the
twins' shop, but he stopped confiding in Ron. He had never been
very big on sharing all that emotional stuff in the first place
(growing up with people who didn't give a damn about what he
thought had instilled him with some fundamental belief that things he
had to say were either boring or annoying) but Ron had slowly,
inconspicuously taught him to confide in his best friend. That was
over with though. He had always been a better listener anyway.

It
shouldn't have hit him so hard that Ron didn't want him. He
should have known it. But for some reason, in those weeks following,
it became very clear that though Ron would always be the one he'd
miss the most, Harry would never hold that title with him.

Applying
to schools gave him a good cover for all the sadness, disappointment
and even apathy he was feeling. Almost any negative mood could be
explained away by, "Sorry, I'm just a bit stressed right now.
Apps and all."

But
Ron seemed determined to lift his mood, probably because he didn't
want to be living with some depressed and angsting teenager their
first year living without adult supervision. Almost every day, Ron
would try to practically drag him down to the lake with him and the
rest of their dormmates for some beginning-of-summer fun. It rankled
him more than he wanted to admit that after all this time Ron hadn't
figured out that he had an intense phobia of water. Hell, Harry knew
things about Ron that could never be repeated without Ron murdering
him, while Ron knew nothing about some fundamental parts of Harry's
life. He was aware that he was a lot less open than Ron, but he felt
that was in part because Ron never seemed really interested in that
sort of stuff about him.

When
his and Hermione's acceptance letters came during the last week of
school, and revealed that they both could go to the same college, for
the first time in a while, he had felt truly happy and excited.

"It's
so good to see a smile on your face," Hermione mused after they'd
settled down a bit. "I've missed it for a long time now."

Harry
looked up at her in surprise. Before he could say anything, Hermione
plucked up his hand in both of hers and looked earnestly into his
face.

"Harry,
I want you to be happy. No matter what makes you happy, I want that
for you. Even if it's Ron."

Harry
stared at her, frozen.

"Huh?"
was all he could manage.

She
smiled softly at him and squeezed his hand before getting up and
gathering up her things.

As
she turned to go, Harry started panicking about what she was going to
do with the information she'd clearly figured out. But before he
could ask her not to tell anyone, Ron burst into the room, grinning
broadly.

"The
Creevey kid says you two were screaming and jumping around the common
room. I'm assuming you got in?" he asked excitedly.

Harry
smiled and held up his letter. Ron crossed the room quickly and
plucked it eagerly from his hands. His eyes scanned it quickly
before he gave a loud whoop and clapped Harry on the back with a
happy laugh.

"I
can't believe you're subjecting yourself to more of this
torture," he announced, smirking back at the slight glare from
Hermione. "Okay, not torture to you, 'Mione, but you've
been insane since the get go. Anyway, this is great. We need to
celebrate."

"You're
not getting out of it this time, Harry. You at least have to come
outside. You've been holed up in the library for months now and
you'll obviously be spending much more time in an even bigger
library soon, so for now, it's sunshine, understand?"

Harry
nodded warily and stood.

"You
bringing that with you?" Ron teased, indicating the letter in
Harry's hand as they made their way towards the portrait.

"Of
course! I'm going to keep needing it for awhile as proof that I
really did get in and didn't just imagine this," Harry said
happily, hugging the thick, official paper to his chest.

"Don't
know how you're getting so excited about school," Ron said,
making a face.

"You
know they black out names on the applications? I left off anything
that might have them figure out who I was."

"Yeah,
I heard they started doing that because they had trouble with only
accepting purebloods in."

"Yeah,
but it also means that they didn't know who I was. I didn't get
in because I'm Harry Potter or the Boy-Who-Lived or the Chosen One
or whatever the fuck it is they're calling me now a days. I'm
going to frame this thing," Harry announced happily rolling up his
acceptance letter carefully and sticking it in the inside pocket of
his robes.

"Well,
good job. And hey, I'm glad you're talking to me like this
again."

Harry
stiffened. "What do you mean?"

"You
know what I mean," Ron said seriously.

Before
they went any further in that line of awkward conversation, they were
thankfully saved by running into the rest of their dormmates at the
entrance, all eager to join them in a trip outside to celebrate.

Harry
had thought it had been safe to come out with Ron, as no swimsuits
had been in sight. Unfortunately, his roommates didn't seem to
have any compunction with simply going in their boxers and were soon
insisting on a swim.

"No,
guys, really. I'm not going to go. I'll catch up with you
later," he insisted forcefully.

Harry
started toward the castle but suddenly, with a sickening lurch in his
stomach, was lifted into the air by his ankle, dangling upside down.
The other boys burst into laughter as Harry quickly used a hand to
pull his shirt back down and used the other to keep his glasses on.
He struggled irritably as he gently floated back to them. He crossed
his arms grumpily and Seamus slowly turned him around to face them.
Harry glared at his four roommates, who waved and grinned cheekily.

"Very
funny."

"We
think it is," Dean agreed.

"Harry,
you can't run away from us. It's time for you to have some fun,"
Seamus announced. He spun Harry slowly in a circle like a top, much
to the amusement of their friends.

"Okay,
Seamus, too much upside down fun. I'm pretty sure all the blood in
my body is now in my head. You gotta let me down or I'm going to
be sick," Harry announced practically.

His
stomach turned once again as Seamus flipped him over in the air.
Harry tried to reach his foot to the ground, though he knew it would
do no good even if he could. The toe of his shoe brushed the top of
the grass and with a flick of the wand, Seamus raised him higher.

"Harry,
you need to escape the heat and have a little fun in the water. No
more NEWTs, so no more excuses. You have no more studying," Ron
said with a firm look. "You've been far too serious lately."

"Yeah,
Harry! It's the end of seventh year!" Neville encouraged. "This
might be the last time we're all together like this."

"Nev,
Harry needs some fun and he won't do it on his own. This is an
intervention," Seamus said wisely.

"I'll
have fun if you don't put me in the bleeding lake!" Harry shouted
angrily as the ground below him was replaced with water. He
struggled in the air as Seamus slowly levitated him over the lake.

"Stop
it! Let me back to shore you arse!" he yelled, trying not to
panic.

"Come
on Ronnie, he saved you, time to save him back," Seamus cooed.
"You're the one he'd miss most, after all."

"Oh
shut the hell up," Ron grumbled. The boys continued to playfully
argue on the shore, and Harry was unable to hear their conversation
as he stopped over the middle of the lake. He continued to shout for
Seamus to quit it and let him back to shore, but none of them seemed
to be listening.

Suddenly,
he plummeted the few feet through the air and with a splash, was
completely surrounded by cold, dark water. The only sound he could
hear was the muffled noise from his own splash. His clothes swirled
around him, their weight pulling him down and preventing his legs
from kicking well.

A
collage of unwelcome images flew through his mind. Ron, looking
dead, tied to that pole, his head hanging limply and his hair
floating peacefully around him. Harry desperately pulling him to the
surface, praying Ron wasn't dead, that he wouldn't die; knowing
that it would be all his fault if Ron didn't make it because he
didn't find him fast enough or get him to the surface quickly
enough.

For
a moment, out of the corner of his eye, he could have sworn Ron's
body was floating there next to him, dead in the water. But as he
flung himself around in a panic, he saw that it was only his
imagination torturing him.

His
lungs burned as he clawed toward the shimmering light above him, but
he couldn't move fast enough. He tore off his robe and kicked
furiously, sure he wasn't going to make it.

He
broke the surface and gasped in air, coughing up the small bit of
water he accidentally inhaled. A quick hand to his eyes confirmed
that he had lost his glasses. As water flooded into his mouth, he
quickly paddled with his hands and craned his head upward to spit it
back out. Stretching his neck to keep it above the surface, he
continued to kick furiously and squinted at the shore. The blurry
forms of his friends seemed to be roughhousing around.

"Ron!"
he called out, the desperation in his cry losing its force as it
carried. He cursed himself for sounding like such a little kid, but
he couldn't help but feel terrified. It was too quiet where he was
and his body was quickly tiring from his efforts to keep afloat. He
was sure he was probably doing it wrong, but nobody had ever taught
him the proper way to tread water.

The
figure on the shore that seemed to have red hair turned toward him
and waved him. Harry knew he'd never make it back. He was so
scared, he just wanted Ron to come and get him out of this hell.

But
Ron just went back to goofing off with the rest of the guys.

Sloppily,
Harry managed to move forward through the water, having to work
doubly hard to keep his head above water. After swimming a few feet,
he realized with a sinking feeling that his wand had been in his robe
pocket. He looked down, but he couldn't even see his feet in the
dark water. He knew he needed to dunk his head under the water to
look, but that thought frightened him more than he wanted to admit.

"Ron!"
he called in a half-sob. Ron was a fantastic swimmer. He and his
siblings had spent practically ever summer since birth splashing
around the swimming hole in the woods behind the Burrow. Ron would
have no qualms with diving down to look for his robe. He could
certainly help Harry swim back to shore.

But
Ron was too busy shoving the other boys to pay Harry too much mind.
As always, Harry simply couldn't get Ron's attention.

Though
his stomach turned at the notion, he held his breath and put his face
in the water. He still couldn't see and he could feel the fear
rising up again. He jerked his head up and shakily drew in air. He
felt close to tears. He just wanted to be on land.

He
took a shuddering breath and struggled in the water until he figured
out a way to slowly propel himself forward. His arms and legs burned
horribly the longer he swam.

Halfway
back to shore, he was finally close enough that there was no way his
friends couldn't hear him.

Harry's
fear and exhaustion quickly segued into anger. If Ron wasn't so
self-absorbed and had put in the effort to know some pretty important
things about his supposed best friend, he would know how
serious Harry's calls for help were. If Harry could subdue his own
humiliation to call out for help, then Ron should have damn well
helped him, embarrassed or not! Harry had waded into the stupid
Great Lake during that damn task in all his clothes. A stadium full
of people had laughed at him. But he still went to Ron because his
friend needed help!

This
was just another example of Ron not being there when he really needed
him. And he had even asked this time! Ron always told him he needed
to ask for help, but this was what happened when he did!

His
body feeling quite sore and heavy, Harry's knees finally hit the
drop-off that jutted up into the shallow end. Ron shuffled over to
him through the knee-deep water as Harry tried to pull himself up
onto the ledge.

"Sorry
mate, it was way too cold to go in after you," Ron said with a
laugh. He grasped Harry's arm to help him up but Harry snatched it
away and crawled onto shore.

"Harry,
are you okay?" Neville asked worriedly.

Harry
ignored him and got to his shaky legs, starting for the castle.

"Harry,
what the hell?" Ron called, grabbing his arm to stop him. Harry
wildly ripped himself away and spun around furiously to face Ron.

"You
know what, Ron? Just forget about living together next year! Go get
a flat with Hermione or someone else you actually give a damn about
and leave me the hell alone!" he yelled, not caring if he sounded
irrational. He stomped off toward the blurry castle in front of him
and promptly tripped over a rock he hadn't seen and fell to his
hands and knees in the dirt.

Ron
helped him to his feet before Harry could protest and grabbed his
wrists to bring Harry's bleeding palms into his line of sight.
"Where are your glasses?"

"Where
do you think? They're in the bloody lake! The giant fucking squid
is probably wearing them!" he shouted. "And let go of me."

"What
is up with you?" Ron asked in annoyance, following Harry and
catching him as he stumbled again. "You know someone can just
summon your glasses. You're acting like a prat."

Harry
snorted angrily and carefully started climbing the stairs, mostly by
feel rather than sight.

"What,
are you seriously mad that I didn't jump in after you? You really
wanted me to go 'rescue' you in front of all our dormmates when
you were perfectly capable of swimming back by yourself?" Ron asked
crossly. Harry whirled around furiously.

"I
saved you! I jumped in and saved you before and you can't
even…just leave me alone you arse!" Harry sputtered, turning back
to continue stomping up the stairs.

"What
are you talking about? You saved me as a task in a tournament. I
was tied up and being held captive by merpeople. I think it's a
little different," Ron responded sarcastically.

"Yeah,
there is a difference! I did everything I could to help you
because I thought you needed it and I really did need it and
you didn't do anything!" Harry snapped.

Harry
whirled around and gaped at him. "Always about me? Always
about me, are you kidding?"

"Yeah,
you never care about anyone but yourself! Gods, I don't jump in a
fucking lake to help you swim back to shore and you're cutting off
our plans to get a flat together next year?"

Harry
stared at him and shook his head in disbelief. "You just don't
get it."

"Fucking
right I don't get it!" Ron retorted. "Shit, Harry,
you're as complicated as a bloody girl and make just about as much
sense as them." He adopted a mock-apologetic tone. "Did I hurt
your feelings, Harriet?"

Harry
flinched and felt tears welling up. Since the last thing in the
world he wanted to do right then was cry in front of Ron after being
accused of being girly, he decided to save a bit of face and do the
thing that would get him out of there the fastest.

"You're
right. I'm acting stupid."

Ron
stared at him incredulously.

"Go
back to the lake. I'm going to find 'Mione and ask her to summon
my glasses and my wand," he said as calmly as possible. "I'll
catch up with you later."

Before
they could get further into it, Harry turned back to the castle and
walked as casually as he could through the doorway. He could hear
Ron follow behind him after a few moments and turned down the first
hall to try to get some distance, but didn't make it too far before
tripping over uneven ground.

"You're
never going to make it up to the tower without your glasses, you
idiot," Ron scolded lightly, reaching out to help Harry up but
Harry flinched away from his touch.

"I'll
be fine, okay? Go back outside."

"Clearly,
you're not fine. Let me help you up," he demanded and pulled
Harry to his feet. "Now will you stop being a bloody female and
tell me what the hell is wrong?"

Harry
glared at him. "Ron, really, just drop it."

"No!
You've been avoiding me and we're supposed to live together next
year!"

"I
haven't been avoiding you," Harry muttered.

"Bullshit!
I've been trying to get you to hang out with us for weeks! To
hang out with me!"

"All
you've wanted to do is go swimming!" Harry retorted.

"Yeah,
why not? It's bloody hot. Besides, when I told you about the
swimming hole, you said it sounded like fun. I thought you would
want to go swimming."

"Of
course you did," Harry said darkly. "Why would you know? It's
not like you give a crap."

"Would
you please just tell me what this is really about? Because you can't
actually be mad at me because I didn't know you weren't in the
mood to go swimming."

Harry
ran a hand through his hair. Ron's gaze grew slightly worried.

"Your
hands are shaking," he pointed out. "Are you really that pissed
at me?"

"No,"
Harry muttered, folding his arms self-consciously.

"Harry,
please. I'm your best mate. Just tell me what's wrong so we can
fix it and move on," Ron pleaded.

"If
it was Hermione in there you would have helped her!" Harry
exploded. "You wouldn't have let them do that to her! But you
don't give a fuck about me, do you?"

"What
are you talking about? The only reason I wouldn't let them do it
to Hermione would be because she'd hex my arse if I did. And hell,
I'd probably let them do it anyway. Why would I help her? Help
her with what? She'd probably drown me if I swam out to her after
doing that. And it was funny, Harry! Can't you lighten up a bit?"

"Lighten
up? Lighten up?" Harry yelled incredulously. He knew he
was getting hysterical, but he couldn't stop it. "I went into the
fucking lake after you when I didn't even know how to swim! And
you're too embarrassed to come out and keep me from drowning!"

"What
do you mean you don't know how to swim? You seemed to do fine!"

"Yeah,
I only did okay then because I was half fish or something! You don't
know! You don't even know! Every time I get even halfway in the
damn water, all I can see is your dead body! I thought you were
going to die and it would be all my fault and now that's all I can
see in the water! And you…you laughed when Seamus dropped
me in the middle of the lake, just like everyone laughed when I went
after you! Do you know what it's like to be bloody terrified while
everyone else is laughing? And you're just like everyone else. I
know I'm not the person you'd miss the most, but I wasn't even
important enough for you to go after today! I'm nothing to you!
I'm nothing to anyone!"

Ron
stared at him, completely stunned as Harry tried to calm himself
down.

"Harry…"
he started but was interrupted by someone else yelling his name.

"Harry!"
Neville ran up, carrying a sopping bundle in his arms. "Dean
summoned your robe. I saw that you were missing it."

He
handed it to Harry and appraised him worriedly.

"Did
anyone summon my glasses?" he asked gloomily.

"Oh,
no. Sorry, I didn't notice those, but I'll go back and ask Dean
to summon those as well. I'll be right back," he promised and
tore off.

Harry
quickly dug in the inside pocket of his robe for his wand, which he
luckily found. His fingers brushed against something else and his
face fell. He gently pulled out his acceptance letter, which ripped
easily in his hand. He looked at it in dismay. It was completely
ruined.

In
a burst of anger, he crumpled up the ruins and threw the sodden mess
at Ron, hitting him squarely in the chest, storming away before he
could say something equally immature.

It
would have had a much better effect if he hadn't had to feel for
the walls to get around the next corner.

"Leave
me alone," Harry growled as Ron caught up with him.

"No,
you need help even if you're too stubborn to ask for it," Ron
said firmly, pulling Harry to a stop. "Look, I didn't know about
the water thing. I thought when you were calling me you were just
joining in the teasing stuff. And I'm really sorry about the
letter. I'll make sure to get you another, I promise. And you
know how you said you weren't important? Well, that's not true.
You know you would have been my hostage."

Harry
glared at him. "Do you just tell that to everyone then? You can't
have all of Gryffindor be your hostage, Ron, it's only one!"

"And
it would be you!"

"It
would be Hermione!" Harry snapped. "You told her it would
be her. And you would be hers and I would be nobody's." To
Harry's horror, his voice cracked slightly on the last words and
tears began to well up in his eyes. He quickly turned away and
forced them back down.

"Well
of course I was going to tell Hermione that. She was my girlfriend
at the time and that's the sort of thing you have to tell them if
you want to keep them around. But it was crap and she knew it. Of
course it's you," Ron explained.

Harry
scoffed at him skeptically. "And now you have to tell it to me
because you want to keep me around so you'll have a flatmate next
year."

Ron
threw his hands in the air in exasperation. "Where is all this
coming from? How do you want me to prove it to you?" At Harry's
silence, he continued. "Look, I might not be the most perceptive
bloke in the world, and I'm sorry, but that doesn't mean you're
not important. For Merlin's sake, I broke up with Hermione for
you!"

Harry
looked at him in bewilderment. "What are you talking about?"

Ron's
face reddened slightly and he shifted his gaze away from Harry's
eyes. "Seamus kept saying he thought you fancied me and I asked
Hermione and she said she thought you did too."

Harry
felt his chest tighten and his face begin to burn. He couldn't
seem to manage a response, torn between denial and wanting to know
how exactly that affected Ron's relationship with Hermione.

Luckily,
Ron just continued. "And at first, I'll admit, I was a bit…I
dunno, taken aback. But then I thought about it and paid attention
to you more, and I couldn't tell, but started thinking about what
it would mean if they were right."

Harry
was frozen. Shakily he took a step back. "I…"

"Harry
please," Ron said quickly, grabbing Harry's arm to keep him from
running. "Just listen." Bravely meeting Harry's stunned gaze,
he went on. "I guess I couldn't believe you wanted me like that,
but I couldn't help but think about it. I broke up with
Hermione because, well, you know…I figured me wanting to kiss you
more than I wanted to kiss her was probably a bad sign for the
relationship," he finished quickly with a nervous laugh.

"You
thought about…that?" Harry asked in disbelief.

The
tips of Ron's ears went red and he looked away. "Yeah, so, um, as
you can see, you're the one I'd miss the most, not
Hermione. You're my best mate, and I apparently like you enough to
turn gay for you. I don't know what I'd do if you ever went
away, which is why I didn't even want to tell you any of this, but
obviously, you don't get how much you mean to me, so I figured I
ought to just let you know. I also reckon that if you were going to
dump me as a flatmate next year, it might as well be because I fancy
you rather than about the lake thing."

Harry
stared at him incredulously. "Are you taking the piss?" he asked
weakly.

"I'm
sorry," Ron said awkwardly. "Um, do you want me to leave you
alone for a bit or something to think?"

"No,
you berk! I just…I don't understand! You said you broke up with
Hermione for me, but it must've been obvious I fancied you so why
didn't you say anything?" Harry asked, trying to wrap his mind
around all this.

Ron
looked at him in surprise. "What? You fancy me?"

Harry
cleared his throat awkwardly and gave a slight nod. "Isn't that
what Seamus and Hermione were saying?"

"Well,
then what happened with Hogsmeade?" Ron asked in utter confusion.

Harry
blinked at him. "Hogsmeade?"

"Our
date?" Ron said, as if reminding him of something he should
have been completely aware of. "You barely looked at me the whole
time and you seemed to be having an awful time."

Harry
stared at him. "Ron, what the hell are you talking about?"

Ron
rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. "You know. When I asked
you to Hogsmeade. That's what you said to do when you fancied
someone."

Harry
had to laugh. "I said that years ago! And we go to Hogsmeade
together all the time. You thought that was a date?"

"Well,
yeah!" Ron said in embarrassment. "Why else would I have taken
you to that couple-y place?"

"I
thought you were trying to spot Hermione there!"

"I
wore my green shirt. That's my date shirt!"

"I
thought it was in case Hermione saw you!" Harry couldn't believe
this. "So you're saying we went on a date and I didn't even
know?"

"Well,
yeah," Ron admitted. "I tried paying even, but then you insisted
in getting your half so I thought maybe that's how it worked with
two blokes." He rubbed the back of his neck, his little habit that
signaled that he felt uncomfortable. "I thought you knew and just
weren't going for it. I chickened out of kissing you at the end."
At Harry's stunned expression, he shrugged with a shy grin. "I
guess I didn't make it clear enough then, eh?"

"Not
clear enough? Ron, could you have figured that one out if it was me
doing it?"

But
instead of answering, Ron suddenly pressed his lips to Harry's.

It
was clumsy and quick, and Harry sort of froze in shock during the
whole thing. But it was Ron. Ron kissing him.

Harry
nodded dumbly. He was suddenly hit with a horrible thought. "You're
not doing this because you feel bad for me or anything, right?"

"Harry,
it's me. I'm not that selfless or emotionally competent, as
Hermione would be more than pleased to tell you," Ron pointed out.

"Okay,"
he agreed in relief.

"Okay,
so then I'm going to snog you again, and this time, I think it
would help if you didn't stand like this." His body went rigid
and his eyes bulged out, his lips clamped tightly shut.

"Oh,
fuck off, you prat," Harry laughed, feeling his cheeks burn.

Ron's
hand brushed his cheek, fingers settling in the hair behind his ear.
Harry's hand automatically slipped up over his shoulder as their
lips pressed together for the second time. Their mouths moved
against each other's softly and Harry just couldn't believe that
this was happening. Even in his most hopeful moments regarding Ron,
he had never actually thought they would ever really be anything more
than friends.

There
was a gasp of surprise a small distance away and the pair quickly
broke away from each other.

Neville
stood there, staring at them in shock, Harry's glasses in his hand.
"Um, I'll find you later," he squeaked, turning abruptly
around.

Neville
nodded and let out a small laugh. "Definitely saw that one
coming." He was chuckling even as he walked away.

"Er,
so..." Ron trailed off awkwardly.

"So..."

"So
you've never French kissed before, right?"

Harry
blushed. "Er, not exactly."

Ron
grinned. "This'll be fun. You wanna go up to the dorm?" Ron
asked mischievously.

Harry
laughed happily. "Yeah."

Ron
grabbed his hand and pulled him toward a nearby secret passage that
led upstairs. Once they were in, Ron pulled him to a stop and kissed
him again.

"Hey,
later tonight, how about some swim lessons?" Ron suggested
seriously. "I think you'd like it if you knew how and had some
better memories of the water to replace the old ones."

Harry
paused to consider it. "No joking around with disappearing or
dunking me under or anything?"

Ron
looked mildly repulsed by the idea. "I didn't know you were
scared of the water, or I would never have done that. This time, I
swear, I'll be there right with you." He paused and suddenly
grinned. "And hey, a wet, shirtless me comes with the offer."

Harry
snorted and rolled his eyes

Ron
slung an arm over Harry's shoulder as the two continued their walk
to the dorms. "And hey, if a group of merpeople kidnap you and tie
you to a pole, I will dive down and fight them off with my bare
hands."

"Oh
really?" Harry asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh
yeah! I'll tear the ropes off you with my teeth. Any merperson
tries to mess with me, I'll kick 'em in the face!" Ron said
enthusiastically.

"My
hero," Harry said theatrically. After a pause he cleared his
throat. "So, you were saying something about the dorm?" he
hinted.

But
Ron simply kissed him right there and the two didn't make it up to
the dorms until much later.

FIN.

oOoOoOo

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