Surviving the chaos and celebrating marriage

Published 7:00 pm, Sunday, August 30, 2009

Wow! Married over half of my life. That means that we have grown older together.

It's amazing to think of the many who thought we would not make it as a couple. (A couple of what . . . I don't know, but we made it. )

"I take you to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in good times, in bad times, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, from this day forward until death do us part."

The vows should have read, "I take you, to be my owner, to beat and to hurt from this nightmare forward, for bitter, and it will get worse, for feeling poorer toward no riches, for all bad times, emotionally drained, to use, abuse, and cause to hate, from this ticking bomb forward until one of us kills the other one, or just dies."

Some say that marriage is 50/50. I believe it must be 100/100.

There are even times when events shift to take the brunt of the load to feel it is a 150/50.

I contributed to the chaos with a foul vocabulary, ugly actions, surprising reactions and non-Christian life behavior.

I adopted the "if-you-can't-beat-'em, join-'em" attitude. And I raised my voice, and hand, to offend and physically injure my supposedly lifetime soulmate.

Both of us were single adults - selfish, stubborn and set in our ways. The loudest voice and the hardest hit won the daily offensive arguments and physical fights. We mastered the perfect marriage appearance in and out of church and public events.

Finally, one day on bended knees, in a one-to-one conversation with God, I admitted my part of the problem - owned up to it - and began doing my part in the marriage.

Wonderfully, God also dealt in Hubby's life, and only then did we become committed to each other.

Through the ups and downs, weaknesses, insecurities and education, change came slow but sure.

Most of the time was filled with anger and bitterness - blaming each other as the cause for the unhappiness.

From the first 2 1/2-3 years of marriage, the beautiful fairy tale wedding turned into a prison of loneliness, depression, fear, medical and emotional pain.

Domestic violence dominated the home. We masqueraded as a happy, God-fearing, church-going couple - in this case a couple of hypocrites.

Along life's way, Santos answered the heart's call from sinner to saint and is now a minister of the Gospel for Christ.

And this pretend saint re-committed to a real, personal relationship with the creator of our souls and author of our marriage.

I have much concern with the belief that the longer a couple lives together the more they grow to look alike.

I sure hope not!

I do not want a mustache, and he sure does not look good with light makeup, or with long hair. And Hubby doesn't walk very well in high heels.

Tomorrow, Sept. 1, Lord willing, we will celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary. And though I wanted to help God to fulfill the phrase in the vows, "until death do us part," that is another story.

Ask Santos about our marriage and he will say, "It is 30 years, but it seems like just 30 minutes . . . UNDER WATER!"

Now I can finally say, "Hubby, I love you and am proud to be your wife and best friend!"