God damn! Has anyone ever hit this thing up? Any place that has Steve Bisyak’s Bungee Sexperience deserves a second look.

I just have a feeling that it will be filled w/ all these kinky, old people who are looking to add some spice into their dying relationships. Of course, there will be the occasional, drugged-up hottie who’s desperately in search for Halloween Sex (yes, there’s such a thing).

If you don’t have a costume as of right now, I highly suggest dressing up as either Tom or Katie. If you’re a chick & have successfully convinced your boyfriend into dressing up as Tom Cruise, please follow these simple rules:

1. Make sure he’s holding your hand the entire time
2. You must walk at least 2 steps behind him as you go from house to house
3. After each time you say Trick-or-Treat, you must—this is highly essential to the costume—make out for at least 8 seconds (followed by Tom nibbling on your earlobe for 10 seconds)

Kelly will be carrying around a cute, little piggy this Halloween (just in case she gets hungry). Please don’t confuse the piggy for Kelly & vice versa.

Just Jared had a few outtakes from a photoshoot Kelly Osbourne did a few months back for Interview Magazine. After looking at these pics, I’m wholly convinced that you can make Kelly Osbourne do anything during a photoshoot. It might cost you a few Ultimate Cheeseburgers or vicodin pills, but the end result will be truly hilarious.

VH1 is building quite a unique franchise with these reality shows staring funky stars who are either weird by nature or achieved B/C/D-list or has-been status since their rise to fame. Here’s how VH1 describes their latest installment which starts up this Sunday @ 10/9c PM.

They can act, model and even box, but can they sing? That’s the question VH1 will ask and answer this fall with the new series But Can They Sing when nine celebrities vie for the chance to prove to America whether they should stick to their day job or tough it out over six weeks to become a pop star.[VH1]

Since Bai Ling is totally unheard in the average American household & hated by 90% of Chinese all around the world (due to her infamous whore status), this should be very interesting. Naturally, we here @ the Bastardly will be pulling for Bai Ling to win it all. If she can somehow manage to win the hearts of around 200million of her own people, she can pretty much run away with it all!

Below are photos of the other contestants. Fucking Larry HOLMES is competing! Craziness, I tell you.

Kurt Cobain, if you’re still not fully convinced, was truly fucked up due to all the crazy drugs swimming around inside his ailing, 50lb body. In the excerpt below from his Journals, Kurt goes into a few intricacies of his life & provides troubled kids with information on how escape from their dark lives & into the brighter afterlife.

Read on, read on…

I am not well read, but when I do
read, I read well.

I dont have the time to translate
what I understand in the form of conversation
I had exhausted most conversation at age nine.
I only feel with grunts screams and tones and with
hand gestures and my body. I am deaf in spirit.

I purposely keep myself naive and away from
earthly information because it’s the only
way to avoid a jaded attitude.
everything i do is internally subconscious
because you cant rationalize spirituality
we don’t deserve this privilege

I cant speak, I can only feel.
maybe someday I’ll turn myself into
Hellen Keller by puncturing my ears
with a knife, then cutting my voice box
out

If you want to know what
the after life feels like, then put on a parachute
go up in a plane, shoot a good amount of heroine
into your veins and immediately follow that with
a hit of nitrous oxide then jump.
or, set yourself on fire.