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Wouldn’t be much of a pedantic Howard fan if I didn’t vivisect the new teaser, now would I?

Warning: this post will likely include some spoilers. You have been summarily cautioned: Abandon all hope, ye who enter here…

For those of you who haven’t seen the teaser, go do that. Now. I’ll wait.

…

Aright, done? Then let us begin.

We start off with a thunderous crash, along with the blast of a very low-pitched brass instrument (sounds like a tuba to me). The screen is pitch-black, save for a ribbon of smoke and sparks of flame: from this issues a ghostly image, accompanied by a man’s scream.

Quite a mystery for our first face: dark makeup, sharp (filed?) teeth, no sight of hair. At a guess, I’d say he’s a Pict, possibly the same Pict we reported on a few months ago.

Another mysterious figure. This chap’s far more demonic looking than our previous screaming head, with cracked skin, dark eyes and sharp teeth. His facial structure is also far more gaunt, almost ghoulish. I’d say this is either one of Remo’s Shadow Scouts, or one of the supernatural beings figuring in the film’s climax. Originally, these beings were Acheronian warriors, but since it’s been suggested that Acheron has been replaced by a “dark god,” it follows that they may be servitors of that deity. We’ve seen these beasties in action in a few behind-the-scenes shots, where one is apparently doing somersaults as Jason Momoa sweeps his legs out with his sword.

Finally, someone familiar: this is the gigantic warrior seen in the Empire magazine article, as the chains, sharp teeth (notice a pattern here?) and dreadlocks prove. As with the previous creature, this gigantic being may or may not be human: as he beats his chest, he makes a leonine roar before the smoky image dissipates. That could just be poetic embellishment, though. Given his sighting at the battle in Conan’s home village, and now his appearance in the trailer, it appears that if this character is indeed the Jailer, then his role has been substantially expanded.

This one is somewhat difficult to analyse due to the heat distortion of the fire, but given the dark makeup, hideous tattoos, weird piercings and grotesque scarification, I’d guess he’s a bad guy. Yes, a stretch, I know(!) As for which bad guy, I believe it to be Remo. Remember the Empire pictures where someone was tied to a rock while Jason Momoa’s Conan looks on? Well, this is something that happens to Remo in the script.

At this point, we hear the sonorous voiceover of a man clearly channeling the spirit of Don laFontaine – perhaps Peter Cullen? – speaking as the following text appears:

THIS SUMMER

Then a brief drum snare, and another image appears:

Our first shot of a female character in the teaser, and she’s almost certainly the same person seen in the controversial leaked stills: bizarre hair, exceedingly high forehead, bare arms. What else we notice is that she bears some tattoos around her skull, some heavy duty eyeshadow, and a sword in her right hand. While the makeup does a good job hiding it, I’m more certain than ever that this is Rose McGowan’s Marique.

That voice again:

ENTER THE WORLD

(Enter the world?Â Seriously?)

This is quite likely a group shot of the ghoulish beastie seen earlier, and definitely the same as the somersaulting ghoul: note the sickle-bladed weapons.

That voice returns:

OF THE BARBARIAN

Of course. Then, we get the big reveal:

Unfortunately, the heat distortion makes it a bit tough to get a good look at Momoa. For the effect the teaser’s going for, however, I think we can see enough. It’s the same pose from the recent Empire article – as a matter of fact, Momoa’s so static that it might very well be a still. Hmm.

Finally, Momoa in action! Well, sure, it’s just a brief swing in very dim light in slow-motion… but it’s Momoa in action. From the very little I see, Momoa’s time off Stargate Atlantis hasn’t left him rusty.

Unfortunately, as we can see in the last frame, that horrible deer-skull sword used in the logo isn’t just an artistic choice, but based on an actual prop used in the film. Admittedly, it isn’t as poorly balanced and designed as it could be, but it’s far too reminiscent of Jody Samson’s Master’s Sword, so prominent in the 1984 film, for my liking.

A new voice, this time a woman’s:

“YOU ARE NO KNIGHT.”

Sounds like Rachel Nichols to me: American accent, anyway.

The smoke makes it hard to tell whether this is meant to be Conan in Gigantic Melancholy or Gigantic Mirth, but it’s clearly our Cimmerian in a more reflective, peaceful mood, holding the skull-sword in his hand.

The female voice continues:

“YOU ARE NOT EVEN NOBLE.”

Presumably she means noble as in nobility: it is possible, however, that this and “you are no knight” are intended to reflect Conan’s brusque manner and self-serving ways, as much as statement of fact. Both phrases could be taken in two different ways – or both.

Conan lifting aloft his sword… no comment.

A third voice is heard: deep, gravelly, grizzled, intimidating:

“I CARE NOT.”

That can be only one man’s voice! Vastly superior to Arnold’s genial Austrian twang.

Rachel Nichols as Tamara, ladies and gentlemen! She’s wearing the same hairstyle and what looks to be the same headgear from the leaked stills. Unfortunately, this really looks like a still to me: Nichols’ face pans impassively to the right, with absolutely no sign of movement. Really sticks out in comparison to the moving images.

“I LIVE, I LOVE, I SLAY…”

And anyone who’s read “Queen of the Black Coast” will be able to complete that phrase. Anyone who hasn’t, well, here’s the original:

â€œI have known many gods. He who denies them is as blind as he who trusts them too deeply. I seek not beyond death. It may be the blackness averred by the Nemedian skeptics, or Cromâ€™s realm of ice and cloud, or the snowy plains and vaulted halls of the Nordheimerâ€™s Valhalla. I know not, nor do I care. Let me live deep while I live; let me know the rich juices of red meat and stinging wine on my palate, the hot embrace of white arms, the mad exultation of battle when the blue blades flame and crimson, and I am content. Let teachers and priests and philosophers brood over questions of reality and illusion. I know this: if life is illusion, then I am no less an illusion, and being thus, the illusion is real to me. I live, I burn with life, I love, I slay, and am content.â€

– “Queen of the Black Coast,” The Coming of Conan the Cimmerian, p131

Man, as jaded as I am, it’s a tremendous feeling to hear Howard’s dialogue in an official trailer for a film coming out. A shame it isn’t in an adaptation of “Queen of the Black Coast,” but for what it is, it’s a lovely feeling.

As we see Conan’s lips moving, we hear the words:

“… AND I AM CONTENT.”

This is the only piece of dialogue accompanied by moving lips in the teaser, and while it’s a bit wan for my liking, it’s alright. Plus the aforementioned giddiness at hearing Howard quotations on the big screen softened it for me. What does bother me is that the dialogue is slightly out of synch with the video, which is really unfortunate. Either my computer’s at fault, it was a rendering problem at Yahoo’s end, or at the teaser producer’s: if anyone else has this problem, please note in the comments.

To close out the trailer, one final shot of Momoa slashing at the audience, followed by the titles:

So what does it all mean?

If there’s a theme to be discerned in the teaser, the ghostly spirits appear to be composed of Conan’s foes in the film. Not quite as ambiguous as the pile-o’-skulls poster, but to those unsuspecting audiences in the cinemas, all they see are some angry screaming faces. There’s nothing earth-shatteringly new here: we’ve seen everything in the leaked stills, behind-the-scenes shots and even official stills. Still, it’s good to see what-could-be-Remo, a better look at Marique, and most of all, seeing a bit of Momoa’s action and his voice.

Special mention needs to be made of that quotation. I’ve spoken before on how I have reservations about incorporating Howardian dialogue into the film, since taking quotes out of their original context not only alters their flow and meaning, but runs the risk of poisoning the well for future adaptations. It would already be difficult to sell “Red Nails,” “Queen of the Black Coast” and “A Witch Shall Be Born” considering the uninitiated would think that they’re mucking about with elements from the 1982 film, when it was actually the reverse. But when this is a new continuity, how is one going to get around the sense of repetition? If Lionsgate are serious about making this a big franchise, then they need to be careful which bits they take from which stories.

That said, there’s enough room for a little repetition. If this “I care not, I live, I love, I slay, and I am content” is all there is, then perhaps it could be a sort of mantra Conan repeats every so often. If, however, the film contains the entirety of the famous “Queen of the Black Coast” monologue, then that would be outrageous.

As for whether the trailer did it’s job… well, I’m not the best person to answer that. This teaser is for those who haven’t been following the film since its announcement, not necessarily folks like me with a somewhat perplexing desire to learn all they can about the film despite immense trepidation. That said, for what it’s worth, I found the teaser pretty underwhelming. Almost profoundly so. Perhaps I’m just spoiled by incredible teasers like those for Alien 3, Godzilla, Independence Day, Jurassic Park, Star Wars Episode One: The Phantom Menace, The Dark Knight, Terminator 2, Star Trek, or even games like The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, but this trailer didn’t get my heart racing and pulse pounding so much as a tepid indifference.

However, it’s important to remember some things regarding film teasers, and trailers in general: it might not be 100% indicative of the film’s content. Trailers are frequently outsourced to production companies not linked to the film itself. As a result, the music, art style and dialogue might not reflect the film itself. Indeed, of the teasers I listed above, not all of them turned out to be great films.

For instance, remember that awesome Inception trailer, with the deep horn blasts that became an internet meme in itself? You’d think that since Han Zimmer composed Inception’s soundtrack, that he was the composer for the trailer music too. Except… he wasn’t. The music for the Inception trailer was composed by Zach Hemsey specifically for the trailer. Thus, the somewhat chaotic music (am I mad, or did I hear droning guitars in the background?) and bland art style of this trailer might not represent the actual film’s. No doubt this trailer will be making the rounds, among those who don’t check up on the status of the film too often: only then will we decide if it really succeeded or failed.

i have thoughts on it too, both good and bad, but the trailer did its job ,and momoa does look great for the part.i feel teased by all of this so again it did its part..the still you caught of him above the”i care not” is fantastic and a great image of conan.

Sweetre15

I’m definitely have a feeling that a truer characterization of Conan is on the horizon judging from the lines in the trailer…but Lionsgate still needs to step their game up big time.

Roargathor

I don’t like that they took quotes from the Queen of the black coast. I liked hearing him say the words, but the hopes of an accurate adaptation in the future are being killed.

Michael Bryan Walt

Well, folks here is my two cents worth… I’m still not looking forward to this. The “teaser” is pretty much a waste, even with the(in my opinion bastardized)line from “Queen Of the Black Coast”. Yes, I know, hearing Robert E.’s lines being read aloud on screen is great, but when it is spoken like that(Momoa’s lame reading)it just hurts my ears and makes me feel a little sad. The teaser, which I see as a cover for how bad this is going to be, should have been a fast paced, blood and thunder introduction to the audience(fans and the uninitiated: read that as the heathen unwashed film masses)of Howard’s Conan and the Hyborian Age he roamed — flashing swords, wizards, monsters, beautiful woman and the Cimmerian himself! Believe me, it can be done. It just takes heart and love for the source material… which I think this movie does not seem to have, at least not from what I’ve seen so far. If any of you “liked” the teaser, I’m glad you found something to enjoy.

Antmanx

This isnt going to excite general audiences but it certainly got me more amped. The format is odd but I think Momoa looks and now apparently sounds great. I wish it wasnt all smokey. Glad to hear the dialogue and accent is decidedly “non-Arnold”

norse_sage

LGF are generally bad at marketing, and very bad at putting toether trailers.
Whever a trailer is really cool, you can bet money it isn’t from LGF.

I am very sad to see that they’ve lowered their standards ever more than usual here, for that is one TERRIBLY put together teaser. The movie might be awesome, but by god, that teaser stunk.

Three things of note:

1. Momoa’s voice. Spot on!!!
He’s voice as Conan is even better than dared to hope and dream. He also looks just like Conan should.

2. The line. Taken very much from the original stories. A nice nod to proper Conan fans.

3. The logo ripped of the 1982 movie. What the hell?!?
This movie needs to completely stand on its own, to wash its hands of the 1982 movie alltogether, and re-educate the moviegoing public on who and what Conan actually is, which is not the broken down and housetrained simpleton Schwarzenegger portrayed him as. That can not be achieved by begging comparison and ripping of that movies logo.

The single biggest obstacle facing this movie, is, as I feared it would be from day one, the bunch on inept and incompetent a$$holes in the LGF marketing department. If they can’t sell this movie as Conan, but as a remake of the Milius/Scwarzenegger Conan-in-name-only, then it’s in deep, deep trouble.

Fingers crossed LGF realize how much they goofed here, and hire someone actually worth their paycheck to cut a proper trailers 1 and 2.
Because this trailer will NOT generate they desired hype.

Steve Dilks

“I care not I live I love I slay I am content”. and people knock Arnie’s acting. This is terrible. I’ve seen better piss takes on youtube. Whats With that cheap Scorpion King rip off rawk geetar shite and sword twirling nonsense all about? Where did Nispel get his inspiration again? This looks like sodding Kull! Absolute fuckin travesty. Tossers.

Steve Dilks

KULL WITH TITS AND CGI BLOOD!! AAAAHHHHH!!!!!

http://poderfriki Kike

The only phrase of Conan is this teaser give me hope. Momoa sounds very good and I find marvelous that they include REAL Howard dialogue into the movie.

http://www.ralphdamiani.com Rafael Damiani

Another miss from the studio’s marketing department. Why bother teasing something that does not represent the visual style of the film? Why not repeat the mountain of skulls if they’re scared to show actual footage? People liked the Frazetta vibe. If they’re going to stand on top of the Milius’ version, why not show the classic king Conan sitting on his throne, perhaps bathed in shadows?

Why incite people to enter the Hyborian Age, why quote Howard verbatim and use this contemporary modern sounding soundtrack and a black background?

Why would anyone care for those faces without a single hint of what the storyline is about?

Hey Dilks: does Arnie pay you to lick his boots or do you do it for fun? You guys make me laugh and laugh. “Momoa isn’t big enough. He doesn’t look like he could wrestle a horse to the ground!” I’ve seen 5’1″-135lb. girls do that. Learn about horses or shut up. “The swords and armor look like crap!” It’s set 10,000 years ago in fictional Hyboria, which puts it somewhere about 7,000 years before the actual iron age. Learn about blacksmithing or shut up. “There no way he’ll be better than Arnie!” Yeah, because Schwartzenegger is SUCH a deep actor with a rich legacy of character roles. Learn about acting or shut up. Nispel may be a blind squirrel, but I think he might have found the acorn of his dreams. As far as it goes with my man Momesy? Give a young man a chance. No one could be worse than Numbskulled Swatchenplaster.

Eddard

Although the trailer didnt reveal a a great deal, one thing that it did show, which has got me psyched, is the feeling of sheer dark brutality and horror of it all. This is something I always loved about the books, in comparison with say Tolkien (which I also love) the world of Conan to me seemed much more brutal and sinister and I think this comes across in this trailer. Also the other thing I prefer in Howards stories is the types of enemies, which dont conform to the fantasy cliches we know today. Orcs, Goblins, Centaurs, all that stuff, they just dont do it for me as much as the foes of Conan: Demons, Devils, Pirates, Picts, Giant Snakes etc etc, they just always seemed more horrific and more believable than some Orc of Dark Elf and almost rooted in horror, which I really liked, or maybe it just Howards amazing writing style.
Although thus far Nispels movies havent been all that great, I do love the visual style and tone of his films. As lame as Pathfinder was, I had hoped that when Conan was made (this was before Nispel was connected to it), it would take on that visual style.
Also dont take what you see in trailers, particularly teasers as final. I am a VFX Artist in the film industry and we often have to supply unfinished shots to the studios for trailers.
I know theres alot of hating going on this site, but I would wait and see the finished product before casting judgement, I for one cant wait to see this!

Steve Dilks

Richie G: Nispel will be remembered as the guy who made “He-man by a retard” and is nutty as squirrel shit if he thinks this is going to be any good. Coming from a pop video/advert/remake hired hand I doubt he gives a damn whether this movie is loved or loathed. He must be getting used to poor reviews by now. The issue with the swords looking crap is that they look fake- as in LARP and not real. If this trailer and Jason Momoa’s dulcet rich tones and awe inspiring sword moves give you what you expect and look for in a Conan movie, then by all means- Carry on laughing my friend. I will be too.

Kullan the Kingbarian

Lose the “Rorschach” voice-over and this wouldn’t lose too many points for being cheesy. The marketing department really dropped the ball. It’s almost like they forced themselves to put this out there – based on internet demand. Do they not have completed footage they’re proud of? Almost everything is made up of still images. Maybe they made this as crappy as possible on purpose in order to lower expectations. Then when the full trailer is released fans will be overjoyed. I loved Momoa’s voice and when little of his presence I saw. I won’t judge the film until I see it, but this has me scared. Do they not have confidence in the footage? What’s going on?

http://www.moremomoa.yolasite.com mirishka

well I liked it!

thanks for doing the caps, and excellent analysis of the trailer.

http://www.TexanBeauty.com TexanBeauty

So we’ve now got our first “Official” glimpse into the world of the Barbarian…..wasn’t great! Be it, I am a HUGE Momoa fan and am seriously hoping for great success of this role/movie for him. However, I also agree, they need to step it up a notch better than this…….spotty, smokey, distorted images, brief dialog from the film, seriously? I know they can do better and I am hoping they come out w/ a much more DETAILED trailer between now and August!

As always, Mahalo for doing a great review of the trailer, caps, etc….but yeah, I’m also hoping for a bit of improvement before this hits theaters!

http://www.ralphdamiani.com Rafael Damiani

While this isn’t the most cheerful blog ever, the reactions to this teaser in all the places it was announced at is very much the same.

What the studio failed to notice (somehow) is that people have been worried for ages about certain aspects of this production. There was very little press coverage, we have an unproven actor and a director whose previous efforts were very questionable. Nothing we’ve seen from the sets and costume designs were truly impressive and redeeming.

So, if you were marketing this, how do you deal with such low expectations? Well you could tease the audience by showing:

1) Momoa acting well and convincingly in a clear shot/dialogue scene(as in wow, at least they got THIS right!)

or

2) Give us a teaser that shows this is NOT a cheap production, show your epic sets and costumes, production VALUE. Emphasize your good photography, your great art direction, your relatable CHARACTERS (hopefully there is something that doesn’t require CGI enhancement).

or

3) Give us a teaser full of special effects, an epic soundtrack (from some other film). The teaser may end up being vastly superior to the actual final product, but at least people will be excited and not disappointed. (Wow, this looks like a blockbuster like Clash of Titans, at least it looks cool).

And what do we get? The exact opposite, a cheap, obscure, unimaginative teaser that doesn’t work for any audience, the hardcore fans, the casual fans, and pretty much anyone else. It’s almost as they thought, ok, we got nothing, what do we do? Let’s cut and paste a Howard quote, throw in some raw footage and everyone’s gonna look forward to it. It’s inexplicable.

Pelias

Hey hey HEYYY !!!

A rip off of Schwarzie’s japanese sword move, just this time Nispel-style.

The grey powdered skin fake ass mummies are back too.

The father’s sword is back too.

Momoa looks ok, nothing more nothing less. He looks friendly and in good health. Is that how Conan is supposed to look for fuck sakes?
I thought he should have looked like a ruthless barbarian who instills terror, someone born on the battlefield, not someone born on a Waikiki surf beach amidst tourists drinking LongIslands

Steve Dilks and Pelias, yes the teaser was disapointing, but it was a teaser not a trailer and not a movie. Your over the top criticisms just come across as attention seeking.
There have been many movies with great trailers that turned out terrible, so condeming the entire movie and main actor because you didn’t like the teaser is ridiculous.
At least base your rants on something substantial like a full trailer, or can’t you wait that long?

STEFAN

Exactly,Max.It looks like some cheap fantasy TV film.
Hawaiian guy as Conan,Bulgarians as Cimmerians,bad guys with a image and makeup from some SF TV series for the kids.
After all this my only interest in this movie would be:
are we going to see Rachel Nichols naked?

Richie G.

Dear Dilkenstein,
What the hell is LARP, and why do you keep referencing it when you talk about his sword? It’s a it’s a hand-and-a-half broadsword or “bastard sword”. That’s what they look like. Especially if they’ve been a’hacking stuff, not hanging over someones mantle with the Spawn action figures and empty Cheetos bags. Do actually you know anything or do you base your world perspective on WOW and 80’s movies? By the way, NEWSFLASH! THIS JUST IN!: All directors start with short films and advertisements. You don’t like movies by Ridley Scott, David Fincher, Wes Anderson, David Lynch, Michael Mann, or Spike Jonze? How about Spielberg, whose original Universal contract was for television? You and your buddy Pelias are the only ones roasting this trailer and I think it’s just for attention. If you were fans you’d be at least a little excited.

If you google the Age of Conan forums, Latino review and pretty much any other movie website I’ve seen so far, this is actually very far from the truth. The expectations could be any worse.

I agree, however, it’s not a full trailer and we’re supposed to wait for one before “judging”. But if it turns out to be underwhelming as well, some people will just say “wait for the actual movie”. That’s how it goes.

Not everyone needs to be a brilliant director. Heck, I don’t think Scott is even one of them, but his role in cinema’s history is already written, no matter how many more slips we’ll be seeing from him.

The bottomline is that I’m sure Nispel can actually be a great guy. But professionally, he’s certainly not a visionary and not someone who can be compared to any of those directors, quite frankly. Fans have all the reasons to be worried instead of “a little excited.”

Pelias

@ Richie G. :
“What the hell is LARP, and why do you keep referencing it when you talk about his sword? Itâ€™s a itâ€™s a hand-and-a-half broadsword or â€œbastard swordâ€. Thatâ€™s what they look like. Especially if theyâ€™ve been aâ€™hacking stuff, not hanging over someones mantle with the Spawn action figures and empty Cheetos bags.”

L is for -Live- and R for -Role- , fill in the blanks, buddy boy.

No it’s not a hand and a half sword, it’s a giant slab of latex foam with cheapo spraycan paint to imitate rusted steel. Oh and don’t forget the hotmelt glued pommel and plastic handle.

It smells like roast duck, doesn’t it?

Richie G.

Check Rotten Tomatoes again, bud. “A Hard Day’s Night” ranked in the top 10 with 100% and even the Beatles will tell you that movie was crap cinematically. Listen, I’m not not going to defend Marcus Nispel (Texas Chainsaw Massacre, ecch..), but his directing style seems well suited for the material and he works cheap. Also, look up the box office gross for those movies. You don’t have to be Lawrence Olivier to make money on the big screen. If this movie looks good and does well we can expect more elaborate productions that will attract bigger production talent. We support this film and we can hope for more down the pike. Remember, a big budget does not a great film make. Clerks, anyone? Taxi Driver?

Richie G; Surely an educated person like your self who has done his homework knows more than I upon this subject so I will just bow to your superior knowledge in these matters and back quietly out of the room…

Sadira

Steve Dilks and Pelias, We don’t need you to keep telling us you’re not impressed, we understand, we don’t care. Go somewhere else leave this site to real R E Howard fans and people who are interested. if your not happy then why are you lurking around, are you lonely or something?

Steve Dilks

Sadira: I’ve been here a year and yes I am a Robert E. Howard and Conan fan. MY opinions are my own. Yes I am disillusioned with the way this project has been handled. If my comments dont fit with your view on things and the world around you then do yourself a favour and dont read them. No one is forcing you. All your comments since you have entered this site have been to tell me to shut up. Where is your construction? Are you a Howard reader? Are you a Jason Momoa follower? Don’t break everyone else for having an opinion because you have nothing to say for yourself.

Fayric

Richie G, if you spent some of that agitated energy and read this blog you would realise you are mostly making up your own hate and pinning it on Dilks (most of the stuf you bring up has not been seriously wented on this blog). Dilks has hung around here for years and I for one respect both his comments and lifelong love for the “genre”. Sure, sometimes he get lost in negative harangues, but they are mostly eloquent and witty. Also he dont dwell on stupid pride and really try to give this movie a fair try.
Idont think a yes sayer blog would be much fun, and much of the critisism of this movie is well deserved(and the positive sides is mostly based on faith and hope rather than actual arguements). That said I think this could be a nice movie, after all.
Also LARP is live action role play, its a bunch of people dressing up like elves and orcs and run around in the forest with fake loocking weapons (soft blades for security reasons

As for the teaser, I would rather have seen some grand nature and ruins to show that its not a cheap cgi movie (like the other crap they put on the screen these days). Also the REH quote just seem like one of those easy tricks to add so they can say its true to howard. Just throw in a random quote and the fans are supposed to forget the wholre revenge theme. Its low and uninspired in my oppinion. Still, I know this short sequence is far to little to go on, and since we have gotten more info/insight from stills and intervjues, Im not to put of by this “teaser”.

Steve Dilks

Fayric: Thanks for that. Interestingly your well put comment on the Howard quote in the teaser reminded me to say I actually think that it has been overdubbed as the lyp synch is way out and (unless Momoa has a mutant mouth like Stallone) he is actually saying something completely different in that brief clip.

John Rubus

Come on now guys.. please dont argue! Each has an opinion on his own and I think its pointless to try and convince someone otherwise.

Personally, I enjoyed it and though (as I mentioned in the past) i’m not optimistic about this movie, I was thrilled when I heard those words coming out of Momoa’s mouth. Surely I want to see much more but for the mean time, I ‘m “content” too.

http://www.ralphdamiani.com Ralph Damiani

Richie G, many top rated movies aren’t held in that list because they are technically superior, but because they had cultural relevance. It’s no different in any kind of art. I agree one must tread very carefully when comparing films and when comparing directors. It’s like comparing Bach to Madonna.

And I’m really not blaming Nispel for the very poor marketing this production has suffered from the beginning, nor will he fail alone if the film flops. In fact, I think most of the project’s faults originate from the way it was handled by the studio, from the faulty script tailored by lots of different writers, each with their own vision, as well as to the limited amount of resources they were able to invest.

I’m preprared to be be positively surprised by Momoa’s take on Conan. Afterall there’s no reason why this guy would possibly waste the best chance of his career. But again, a weak director will make an ok actor seem completely clueless, so this can go both ways.

Richie G.

Thanks for putting up with my raging for a day or two guys. All your hesitance and critiscism are just as pertinent as my optimism. This movie just means alot to me and I’m mega-stoked. Sorry if I hurt your fellings, Dilks. It was meant to be a funny tet-a-tet.

Amalric

@ Sadira :
“Steve Dilks and Pelias, yes the teaser was disapointing, but it was a teaser not a trailer and not a movie. Your over the top criticisms just come across as attention seeking.”

Pelias is a friend and he’s not seeking any attention from young Momoa junkies like you, instead he prefers to throw in some traits of humour to warn others misinformed fans, while you’re here on this page scraping the ground for the smallest bits of Momoa’s attention , dreaming that he’ll thank you one day with love in return.
Time to change those dripping wet panties Sadira, it’s smelling fishy.

Sadira

Yes i am a Howard reader iv’e read almost everything, i’m also a huge fan of Lovecraft and all weird tales related stuff and post on other sites, im going to wait until a real trailer comes out before having an informed opinion. If the real trailer looks bad i will be furious with Nispel and Momoa, but at this point i cant see any reason to condemn the movie or Momoa, its to early.
Most Howard fans are at least pleased that someone is attempting to make a movie that is based more on Howards version of Conan and are trying to stay optimistic even if they are worried about the director’s track record.
I accept you’re a Howard fan and apologise for being rude, but the amount of contempt you were showing i honestly thought you was another Arnie lover trying to stir the shit.

Sadira

@Almaric
I’m not a bimbo, and don’t give a shit about Momoa as a person, i’m only interested in how he going to play Conan. This Could either be the first authentic Conan film or just another failiure, who can tell until a real trailer come out.
Mabey i’m not used to a Howard related site with so much condemnation coming from the actual fans of Howard thats all.
My last post above this one is directed @steve dilks btw.

Steve Dilks

Richie G; Its all good.Perhaps I did go overboard with the negativity but I am genuinely appalled at the low grade workmanship of that trailer and Lionsgate’s marketing on a whole…
Sadira: Conan fans in general are pretty much finding this a hard act to swallow.We already know that the producers are largely riffing on the old movies in both story and motif design which is a very annoying but- alas!- unavoidable Hollywood trend. Apology accepted. Glad to have you with us.

Ryan

As a stand alone teaser trailer it was just ok, it did its job. But as a Conan fan im frustrated. I’m frustrated because we should have more info by now. In my opinion all we have been served thus far is hot air. There is a certain art at what and when and how much information is given out to an upcomming movie. I think a good example is Captain America I think they got it right. We had a good look at all the other supporting cast, red skull, caps sidekick ect. But what have we got? A few images from Empire magazine? We should have more publicity shots of the supporting cast by now. The motion teaser poster was stupid. background sky, foreground pile of skulls, with a little conan face down in the middle. The teaser trailer lots of smoke interspersed with images with seen before. All we have been given so far is hot air. I’m worried and annoyed at the lack of some real information. Or am my expectation too high?

Eddard

No word of shit – I just heard the music from the trailer used on the advertisement for Holly – a reality show about a playboy bunny on the entertainment channel! Perhaps the music is just something temp for the teaser (as the actual soundtrack is still bein composed) it’s probably from some sound library just like ones used for reality tv. I’m pretty sure the producers said no rock music, yet the teaser feature powerchords, so it probably won’t even feature in the movie.

Ralph Damiani

Very poor choice of music. Couldn’t they use something like this as a placeholder instead?

Or something else slightly more akin to the fantasy genre if Lovecraftian isn’t marketable?

Darkcul

Surprised Steve Dilks hasn’t been banned from this site yet. What a fucking retard.

Korangar

It’s a teaser trailer, keeping that in mind it works well. I’ve read much disgust with this teaser from many a Conan fan from this site and others. I think they (those who made the trailer) are trying to give us a sense of mystery and mysticism. Very little is revealed, who the villian is, what the plot is, who Conan is. The smoke gives the idea of magic and probably fire and destruction while ghoslty figures appear in the smoke definitely plays on the supernatural aspects that are commonly found in Conan stories. Personally, I liked it. I think it was a creative way to give us a peak into the world of Conan without telling us everything about the movie.
If I were unaffiliated with anything Conan, be it REH, Marvel or Milius’ epic movie of the same name, I think I would be curious and somewhat excited to see what this Conan the Barbarian movie was all about. It’s been 30 years since Conan graced the silver screen and an entire generation and emerged that probably have no idea who Conan even is. This teaser trailer has to appeal to them too. Now for us hard core fans of both Conan and films in general, only time will tell whether the film can meet our expectations or not. I haven’t seen anything that completely blows me away, but I’m still hoping LGF are playing this one close to the chest so that when we finally get a theatrical trailer and/or see the movie it’ll be something truly awesome. In the meantime, I’m being cautiously optimistic.

Korangar

The tricky thing about Conan is that anyone who has ever read a R.E. Howard story, read a Marvel comic, seen at a Frazetta painting or just remember Arnold Schwarzenegger as Conan, already have an idea in their minds of what/who Conan is and looks like. Howard’s description should, for obvious reasons, be the gospel on that subject. Conan is radically different from one interpretation to another. I’ve seen artist portrayals from early novels depicting Conan almost roman-like. Fans of REH know that Frazetta’s hulking brute is faithful in spirit and tone but still greatly exaggerated physically. The Age of Conan video game is the most accurate to REH’s idea, in my opinion.
What I’m getting at here is that most of the vitriol I’ve read concerning this new movie is usually centered around Momoa’s looks. I, for one, can’t understand why he doesn’t have black hair as that is one of the most defining features of Conan. But, as I mentioned before everyone has a different idea of who/what Conan is and looks like.

Sadira

I think we can all agree that this teaser wasn’t really what we wanted, but having said that it seems to have got everyone debating, attacking and defending, until a real trailer comes along.
There’s plenty of movies that looked fantastic in the trailers that turned out to be absolute turkeys and vice-versa so this teaser may not resemble the finished product.
A lot of people have a bad feeling about this movie, but i think there are still lots of positive signs coming from this venture, the fact that Apocolypto was an influence on the visuals, the inclusion of a Lovecraftian monster, lots of minor enemies instead of just one pantomine baddie, not to mention the fact that they have actually attempted to portray Conan as he is in the stories this time.
I think Momoa has at least got the right balance of looks to appeal to women whilst still looking like a moody violent killer at the same time, thats not an easy thing to pull off. i just hope he can do it.

Pelias

Mary (Sadira) , Apocalypto is mentioned by Nispel as an excuse. There isn’t the slightest hint of Apocalypto, which was a very entertaining film by the way, in this trailer, the concepts or the official stills.

It has SyFy branded on it’s buttocks and glowing red on the forehead too. Thanks to Nispel, Lionsgate and a handful of wannabes.

We all understood that you’re a faithful Momoa follower, that’s your choice, but understand too that there is another type of public who would prefer to see how REH described him in the flick “The Whole Wide World’ (an excellent flick too) : “the damnest bastard that ever was” (in every sense of the word: a huge barbarian with tons of presence and charisma, a ruthless warrior and a conqueror) … “combat is a way of life, all he’s ever known, all he ever wants to know”…”he won’t take it from any man, beast, devil or god”
…”when his tree trunk arms are around women’s waist, they melt like butter on a skillet”

Now try to imagine what kind of man Conan would look like.
One mean motherfucker without being rude.
Not Apollo.

And tell me what makes you so eager to watch -another- origins sloppy story heard thousands of times and not reminiscent of the original tales?

Sadira

Pelias
Im not a momoa follower so don’t be sexist, i didn’t even know about Momoa until this Movie and don’t care about anything else he’s been in, i am only intrested in how he will play Conan but unlike you i’m not going to pretend i know, i will wait and see.
You haven’t been privy to a VIP preview screening of the completed movie so how should you know if Nispel hasn’t incorporated the violence and earthiness of Apocalypto into the movie even if its just visual.
I don’t need to remind you that there is no offical conan origin story, his story starts at the begging of the frost giants daughter and ends at the hour of the dragon, everything before and after is based on notes and quotes and speculation.
Only a control freak would try to make a trilogy of movies based on a series of short stories in chronological order, so Nispel HAS to create a story that captures the spirit of Howards works whilst being a self contained movie and part of a trilogy.
Mabey the slaying of his parents is the most believable way to get Conan traveling around Hyboria in the context of a movie rather that him just leaving for no reason whatsover and getting into random adventures like he did in the stories.
All i care about is if Nispel makes a original Movie that feels like it could have been a Howard story. And if Momoa make us believe he is Conan.

Steve Dilks

Pelias: That Howard quote in “The whole wide world” was written for the film and does not feature in Novaline Price Ellis’ “One who walked alone” upon which the movie was based. I mention it as I have seen that quoted before in reference to Howard’s interpetation of Conan.
Sadira: What is Hyboria? I keep coming across this too.

Steve Dilks

Some good last four posts by the way-Pedantic Dilks.

http://poderfriki.com Kike

Pelias: THERE is a Conan origin story. He killed a cimmerian bull before being an adult. He learn to hunt weird beasts of the hills wearing only a loincloth. He fights alongside his people against the aquilonian invaders in Venarium. And he liked to go back from time to time to his home, in order to visit his family.

And there is a reason why he leave his country. Because he love adventure. Conan is an active character, like Indiana Jones.

Pelias

Steve: Absolutely. You’ll agree that the artistic license in TWWW applied to REH’s real quotes do not stray far from the original descriptions of Conan, it sums up the essential, staying true to Howard’s spirit. Unlike Nispel and friends.

Kike: No there isn’t any origin story, it’s rather elements from his youth taken here and there and not compiled in an origins tale.
But, to make a valid “origins” film, if such elements such as being born on a battlefield, the bull wrestling, the Venarium campaign were blended artistically with a LIGHT pastiche touch ,without carbon-copying Milius’ script stucture, then we could be one day watching something worth the while.
But it won’t be the case in August because poor choices have been made and we all know it.

Conan is an adventurer and new adventures -REH style- could be skillfully and discreetly inserted in the blanks left in the tales, unfortunately some wannabes constantly feel the need to replace and remodel the whole thing to customize the final product for a large,easy and dumb audience, an audience that watches Stargate Atlantis, Star Trek next generation, Pathfinder,Clash of the Titans 3d and so on.
All they had to do was to read the best DarkHorse and Marvel adaptations and imitate the pastichers at work. Instead the Conan3D scenarists copied the worst from the comics, and that too, everyone knows it.

sadira

Steve Dilks: Yes i made a mistake, there is no place called Hyboria, Hyborian refers to an age or the tribes that settled in and spread from Hyperboria.
But its prevalent use as the unofficial name for a world without a name by people expanding on the Conan Mythos isn’t really a big deal IMO.

Wolfwood

Huh, the name that the producers gave this movie (“Conan the Barbarian”) is already receiving a back-lash. As soon as IMDB Facebook page announced the teaser trailer, all the comments were rejecting the movie as an unnecessary “remake”.

Bobby H.

I read <> , I laughed, I smashed some rotten teeth, and I am content.

Bobby H.

I read “I’d guess they’re TAF-heads who never glanced at a REH yarn.” , I laughed, I smashed some rotten teeth, and I am content.

Steevo

It’s a “teaser;” it did the job. Momoa’s voice sounds like it is echoing off the walls of a crypt; I’m giving the guy the benefit of the doubt. I’m getting pumped watching this movie evolve, sure it may suck like a hoover, but for now, I am content.

anna e howard

If you want to see Momoa in action there is a Khal Drogo featurette from “Game of Thrones” on you tube.

Pelias, I did not know that Stephen Hawkings was “dumb.” Thank you for the insight.

Steve Dilks

Scott Wheeler: Rather tenuous remark don’t you think? I’m sure Mr. Hawkings may have sat through “Star Trek” and nodded at some of the references too his work but I’m pretty sure he didn’t sit there gape mouthed at the Conan test screening marvelling at a bunch of prosthetic faced fools in plastic armour who thought they were auditioning for “The Hobbit.”

Pelias

scott wheeler : Go on appreciating films carbon copying the evaluation made by this or that famous personality in popular magazines, may he be an emerit professor in physics or the latest trend in R’n’B.

scott wheeler

No Steve not a tenuous remark. Hawkings is an avid fan of STNG. So much so that he made a cameo on the show. Not a simple task for a man in his condition living in England. Not really sure what the “Conan test screening marvelling at a bunch of prosthetic faced fools in plastic armour who thought they were auditioning for “The hobbit.” reference is supposed to mean.

Pelias, what are you trying to say? It looks like babble.

Seamvs

“Pedantic”, now that’s an understatement.

Pelias

Scott Wheeler: You’re playing dumb, deaf and blind, pretending not to understand what’s been told to you, although it’s pretty clear .

Stephen Hawkings is fond of Star Trek Spoiled Generation? Good for him, everyone has his weakness, and he’s only human. And if the show amuses him, c’est la vie ! Who cares what the tastes of a genius in physics are, we’re interested only by his theories.

So next time someone tells you a he doesn’t appreciate a flick, avoid completely citing a personality, we don’t give a zamboulian camel’s ass about famous people’s tastes.

Star Trek Burrito Generation is a total fail, and that’s that. And the Conan teaser, production photos and posters are reminiscent of that low quality.

Steve’s remark touched you , since you were one of the prosthetic faced fools in plastic armour. We’ve spotted you on the pics, no sense hiding, Scotty.

Steve Dilks

Just read this on aintitashame.com;
“Any hopes of Mr. Hawkings turning up for his much anticipated cameo in “Conan:Stargate Hyboria-the next pathfinder generation in hi def surround 3d” were dashed last night when the therotic genius’ newly installed synthesized laughter box short circuited ater watching the teaser trailer. In consolation he did, however, offer to add some depth to Jason Momoa’s acting abillity by offering to overdub the Hawaiian model/ actor’s lines too make them sound more realistic”.

Steve Dilks

Sorry if the link on that last post didn’t work. It was tenuous to start with.

scott wheeler

Pelias, don’t tell me what I am or am not “playing.” You don’t know what I am thinking and only a jackass would believe they are so insightful. Your post was barely English and utterly unintelligable. Kind of a “tenuous” and ironic post given that you made a blanket comment on a group’s collective intellect. A group that includes Stephen Hawkings. Your foot, your mouth. Based on your follow up posts it looks like your mouth gets a lot of milage. Steve’s remark did not “touch” me in any way. I simply did not understand what it was he was referencing. This is all the time I will waste on an blithering idiot such as yourself. You are dismissed. The reason I spend any time at all on these sorts of forums is because I know there are fans who would like to have some reliable inofrmation rather than empty rumors. But it’s dorks like you that keep folks like myself who work on the films from participating in these forums. Maybe it’s time for me to walk away from this one. One can suffer only so much foolishness.

Steve Dilks

Scott Wheeler:First off. You challenged someones post with a smart ass remark inferring that that person thought Stephen Hawkins was dumb- which was uncalled for. Then you moan about them quipping at you?
Secondly. You work on this movie? If it is so damn good Pelias’ remarks would not have hurt your feelings so much and you would have moved on.
Your information in the past has been nebulous and hardly anything worth knowing unless you want to hear about how nice Rose mcGowan is. All your talk of “true fans” means the people gullible enough to be sucked into your ego boost is all.

Steve Dilks

Scott Wheeler: I think you can’t read very fast which is why you don’t understand my posts- so I wrote that last one very slowly.

Pelias

Yes, Scotty, “walk away from this forum” as you suggested so cleverly and go pretend to work your ass off on another flimsy project that will be laughed at for eons.
Citing Hawkings to justify the Star Trek botch-up was pityful enough, it’s time for you to sail on a new (mis)adventure.