In a landmark summit held in Geneva, United Nations (UN) General Secretary Antonio Guterres presented UN’s breakthrough strategy to achieve some of the Sustainable Development Goals (SDGs). The underpinning solution to the strategy is affectionately entitled “the Syrian Method” and it is based on three basic principles: (1) constant violation of human rights, particularly the right to live; (2) continuous targeting of the poor; and (3) not taking responsibility for any crimes against humanity, in particular against the poor.

“It is my honour and indeed my pleasure to present to the world a breakthrough method that will indisputably revolutionise the way we make progress in achieving the SDGs. The Syrian Method has been proposed unanimously by all the members of G20 at the last Davos summit, a historical event to be remembered by our grand-grandchildren if we think about it. We looked at Syria as a pilot project. The international coalitions carrying out sustained work since 2011managed to almost eradicate the poor. We wish to take this to other parts of the world affected by poverty” said Mr. Guterres in front of the radiant audience gathered at Hotel President Wilson in the Swiss city.

Present at the meeting, President Trump hailed the Syrian Method as “a great method, the best you’ve seen”, while British PM Therese May said she will even consider implementing it in the working-class, economically marginalised areas of Britain. German Chancellor Angela Merkel praised the method as “highly efficient” and President Putin held a speech explaining the rationale behind the method:

“It is dead simple. You want to eradicate poverty? You eradicate the poor. You f*ck the poor!”, ended Mr. Putin in the excited applauses of political and business leaders.

According to the documents examined by us at The Berlin Group, the Syrian Method will not only be used to tackle the “zero poverty goal” but has overarching implications on the goals of “zero hunger”, “clean water and sanitation” and “life on land”, all of which will benefit from a decreased – or indeed eradicated – poor population.