#14 – Taking Action! (Step 4 of the 5-Step Boundary Solution)

June 13, 2018

After last week’s episode on the topic of women and boundaries, we’re returning to our deeper dive into each step of the 5-Step Boundary Solution process. This episode will focus on Step 4: Taking Action. If you haven’t already heard the first three steps of the 5-SBS, go back and listen to Episodes #10-12.

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #14:

When you’re planning what action to take, you need to know whether you have a contract (agreement) with another person, or whether it’s just an expectation. Mistaking expectations for agreements can lead to disappointment, frustration, or worse.

Demands and requests are on a continuum. On one end, we get our needs met in a very passive way. At the other extreme we make demands.

There’s a fine—but important—difference between a non-negotiable boundary, which expresses what you are going to do, and an ultimatum, which is a demand.

When you want to make a request, there are best practices. First, choose a time when both of you are relatively calm and undistracted, and notice the state of your own nervous system. Ask the other person if they’re available to talk about something important, and be willing to take “no” for an answer.