Life is Hard, But as compared to what.

Life is tough alright. Sitting in a corner and crying the world a river does not make it any easier. Currency being the highly combustible fuel that runs life is highly factored in a myriad aspects of organic phenomenon. Life. Your existence is pegged onto money like it’s your perennial nanny. As a matter of fact, nothing makes a woman more confused than being in a relationship with a broke man who is extremely good in bed. She is caught up in conundrum of deciding whether to be with a terrific hard guy or a terrifying hard lifestyle. The monetary system is running deeper than the blood that flows within our anatomy. Scarcity of funds will elicit outcries validating how hard life is. Clearly, you must have been entangled in a quagmire and in dire need of redemption to have the quest to be on a higher ground. A better life. If you are a sanguine and an ardent reader of the bible, you must have read a piece in Psalms 125 -129 verse 2 informing Christians that: “It is useless to work so hard for a living, waking up early and going to bed late. For the Lord provides for those he loves, while they are asleep. Also you will wish Eve never handed that goddamn apple to Adam. We would never have been be kicked out of heaven only to have a safe landing in Nakuru Kenya, the county spearheading animal cruelty and controversial cuisines. Further, as if Jesus dying on the cross in Golgotha was not enough sacrifice that unblemished our iniquities, 1000 cats has to die in Nakuru to satisfy our over the roof craving and demand for Samosas. 1000 cats bruh!

Two things rule the world and its neither Putin nor Trump. Women and money rule the world and that’s life. We are either chasing money, females, or a dream. Money is there to get. Women will play hard to get. That’s why pretty women love to snore, because they have been running on a poor lovesick man’s head and playing games all day while at it. By poor I mean this man has too much month at the end of his money or the man is absolutely clueless about the difference between being patient and wasting his time. It’s like a boy madly in love or infatuated asking her crush if she can hang out with him. He asked her last week, but she never replied. Then 8 days later she claims to have never seen your text. Listen, unless this person sometimes goes blind, she just served you a fat lie. Good news is she actually cares enough not to want to appear rude. A lady’s biggest lie is “I will let you know when I am free”. Take it to the bank or continue waiting for a ship at an airport. The woman of your dreams will be having quite some serious sex tonight but then she will wake up tomorrow morning and text you “sorry I fell asleep”. I have news for you just focus on your life son. Again, you might hold the thought that life turns out ‘hard’ if your attempts to woe a damsel always end up thwarted. Sometimes you have to accept that the baseline has been set in the dating scene. It’s a bloody goose chase if the man can only afford to pay attention rather than foot the bills of her bigger than life expenditure. It’s a hard truth to swallow. Mostly, currency is key.

These Fairer ones will not chose a six pack over six cars, so you might want to stop going to the gym and start going to work. Men who hit the gym and women who love a decent amount of muscle that comes with a man-junk can pardon me on this one. I just happen to have a lot of unemployment jokes but none of them works (hold on, you saw what I did there right?). It is already hard being a man in the first place. No makeup, no weave and no room to have a surgical operation that can add a few inches to the broom that cleans a woman’s womb. See, even men are screwed! As a man if you are ugly you are ugly. Which reminds me, what happened to the kickass invention dubbed Samantha? Did she file for a divorce? Did she get pregnant? Is she somewhere out there, stranded? Lost? Or did she go nuts from all that nut?

Speaking of nuts, if you actually believe life is hard, imagine the person who discovered coconuts. What type of hunger drove them? Must be the same appetite Kenyan politicians have for their taxpayers hard earned money. A politician making you believe that they are being candid or honest sounds similar to a hooker introducing herself and mumbling something like… “I am a lady of the night who sells pleasure and am virgin.” Kenyans have endured it all, watching money being embezzled right before their eyes while cartels get richer by poisoning its very own citizens as the desolate and marginalized sink into a trench of absolute destitution. It could be true what they say. Nobody cares unless you are beautiful, the ultimate provider or dead.

I have friends who have seen death staring at them in its full glare and maybe they have a different way of looking at life now. Maybe they refrained from using phrases like ‘life is hard’ because they opted to go hard rather than let life be hard. Maybe they accepted that the world owes them naught, because the world was here first.

I have friends and relatives who have crossed treacherous paths and their tales oscillate around the good, the horrid and the gruesome aspects of life. Wa Wanjama happens to be a friend who has experienced the chilling and puzzling difficulty levels of life.

Wa Wanjama’s fate while living in a Nairobian suburb known as ‘Mlango Kubwa’ is a story still fresh and worth reminiscence. Njenga was an oblivious campus kid who had his dwelling seated right at the heart of a criminal camp. A virtual camp whose fangs became venomous in darkness. Of course Njenga was settling in so he knew nothing about the gangs and the time they opened shop. He was devoid of any paranoia. Njenga imagined the only things that would pose a threat to him were barking stray dogs on steroids and the ever stealthy female anopheles mosquitos.

How detrimental a gang can be manifested under Njenga’s watch. Right before his impaired eyesight. Darkness had engulfed the whole city. Gangs were on the loose. Njenga was headed home hoping a girl doesn’t trap him and take away his virginity. Instead, crooks showed up making away with his valuables and threatening to take his life as well right after depriving him of his visionby destroying his spectacles. It was an ambush. He was helpless. The thugs were like a crocodiles that feigns sickness at the river bank and when a thirsty goat comes to take a sip or two, and Snap! Dinner. I wonder how Njenga felt after this horrid ordeal. Did he ask around for gun prices and how get a license for it? Truth is Njenga could not even afford to pay anyone a visit. He didn’t even have bus fare. No phone, no M-pesa. But you can bet Njenga is still alive.

Another friend Denis who happens to be Njenga’s friend also finds himself in the hands of armed to the tooth criminals. Denis was studying late in a Nairobi campus and decided to go home long after the sun had extinguished its flame after ushering the dusk. He thought Kasarani and its environs to be a safe haven only to bump into ruthless goons. They wanted his laptop and the contents of his backpack. This laptop had his crucial projects. The thought of losing this laptop gave him more nervous chills than the sight of a gun pointed to his face. He resisted, holding his laptop like his life depended on it. At this point his life actually depended on that laptop. Dennis was overpowered. They took the laptop and went ahead to shoot him right above his belt. Denis was left lying in a pool of cold blood. His intestines suffered major injuries. Denis was later rushed to the ICU where a surgical procedure performed boosted his recuperation. We stood close to his hospital bed and all that was evident was a man who cheated death and woke up from it all with enthusiasm to face the future however bleak it appears.

At this point you realize the world is not a perfect dwelling zone with guaranteed survival. You and your passion for life justice and equality have to accept the fact that the world is not always fair. It’s a man eat man society. Diamonds are forever, life is not, it’s always survival for the fittest every single day. Death is a tragedy, an unfortunate fate even. However we are all well aware that we are mere mortals. We might have more lives than a cat, but we will never get out of this life alive. Also I learnt from Kisauti that bad times are just as important as good times. Go hither and roll your eyes at people who say ‘Positive Vibes only’ they are living half their lives. That said, May your ups and downs be between the sheets!