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wow…….its hard to explain my soulmate died suddenly from a brain aneurysm ….we were like that finishing each others sentences, our own language that others did not get..what may have bothered others we had long ago accepted …we were laughing and 2 hrs later I was holding him in my arms on ground…and Drs saying he was gone then (before I got him to hospital)and there was nothing they could have done if he was standing next to them…ppl ask my story then when i finish they ask …..so are you dating ” no” ? when are you going to start dating? ” im not ready” why not? oh are you living all by yourself ” yes I can take care of myself I am 41 years old” (this started 2 weeks after he passed away) its been 16 months I am still trying to figure me out what am I going to do….instead of what we are going to do? I feel like I am making steps forward only to have someone who does not understand that I held someone in my arms and watched them gasping for air and the light go out of there eyes and I always took care of them(he had diabetes) and always made them better and this time i was helpless and could not make it better and when someone says move on, get over it, he would not want you to be like this,it was for the best, God has a reason for everything, it was meant to be, thankful I still have those few who listen when I have a memory and smile or cry with me…I am making steps forward each day but sometimes I am knocked back a few

Cindy,
What a shock that must have been for you! I’m so sorry.
Please share your memories any time you’d like here. My heart goes out to you.
Sandi

Thank you for sharing Cindy. I can’t imagine how you feel, but my own experience teaches me that we do not “get over it.” The intensity will lessen but this was someone very precious to you. It will take time and I hope that you find people who can companion you on your journey with less words and maybe some warm hugs. Take your time. The important thing I read in your posting as difficult as it was, is that you loved one did not die alone and I hope that is in some way comforting. You were a wonderful support to them is what I have read here.

No one but God knows what this person would want for you to do in this circumstance; as it is you are doing the best you can. I am going to keep you in my prayers, confident that over time you will know what is best for Cindy. Take care of yourself and know that in some small way someone cares for you and about you.

You are correct I still have not gotten over it and have accepted that I never will…yes the Intensity has lessen some….I am one the journey of self discovery…even though I miss him and feel i did not get closure from his sudden death I am also relived he really did not suffer…at times I feel gulity for thinking that but he always said when he had to leave this world he wanted it to be quick…I am learning to do many google has become my friend on how to do house repairs/remodling etc

Cindy,
I am so sorry for your loss and so sorry you’ve had to struggle with people who just don’t understand what it’s like.
I was asked 6 months after my husband died, if I wanted to date or remarry. It’s been 10 years and I still don’t! I guess some people just want us to feel better, but it takes time.
How long were you two together?

Chris and I were together 11 years…its kinda funny in high school we did not care for each other and had cross words with each other,,,,years later my brother needed a room mate so i moved in I heard something out side and he and my cousin were out target shooting with bow we spoke to each other again months later my brother had superbowl party he was had earache so I took care of him I knew then I was in love…he was going through nasty seperaton so I did not presue anything and did not see him again almost a year later my niece (my others brothers 1st wifes child) wanted to go see The Blair Witch Project when we got back he was at my brothers again and with alot of others he asked me if I wanted to go riding 4 wheelers with everone I declined my niece begged my to go she like someone in the group so I said I was some how I ended up with Chris and his son afterwards he called he next day and asked me out..I believe the saying opposites attract he was the arrogrant upper class/redneck who was the life of the party and was friends with everyone and who drove sooped up trucks….I was the quite did not wrong bookworm with strict parents …..

Cindy, I too lost my soulmate almost 18 months ago. Sam died from complications of surgery and I was 180 miles away. I still miss him and my heart is still in a million pieces. People have said the same to me and at times I get very angry. I know Sam wants me to be happy, but I also know he understands my grief. It is one breath at a time until you
realize you are breathing. I know with all my heart that there will never be another Sam. I count each day I was loved as a blessing and know one day I will see him again. Sam always waited on me and he continues to wait. God has a plan for my life and until I am called home, I will take each day one step at a time. Trust me when I say, you have found a safe haven here. The wonderful women that I have found here have held my hand for 18 months and will do the same for you. Listen to your heart, savor the memories, tune out unwanted advice and most of all trust God when you are still trying to figure out why. I put my head on God’s shoulders every night and cry to him for peace and rest. My prayers are with you. Take care of yourself and you do not have to walk this journey alone. We are here.

I feel simular things of what you are listed I get angry with other ppls words I know Chris would want me to be happy but I know he would 100% get what I am going through as well …I often find myself holding my breath not realizing it until my heart is racing and chest hurts and I have to remember breating techinques…Chris was one of a kind(ok I take that back his son is so much like him I call him mini me I called him that before Chris passed away) I do hobbies we enjoied doing together like gardening infact I made my list today of things to grow…Ive gone hunting a few times because before he left this world he asked me to go get my hunting licenese to go with him he passed in sept and I took class and got them in Oct funny thing with all men and boys in class 2 young girls and one other lady I was only one in class to score 100 I knew Chris would have been so proud of me..even though I do not think I could actually shoot a deer he always told me how beautiful it was to be in stand and watch sun come up and nature I have really never been outside person give me a book and a sofa and I am happy but I now see what he was talking about

Cindy,
Yes, I think Chris would have been proud of you. That must have been bittersweet, getting the hunting license after he died. My husband would have loved to have me run races with him more, but like you, I’m happy with a book and the sofa.
Sandi

Your postings are always so timely for me; I too, am blessed with a friend who has experienced the death of a spouse, and we went out for brunch today. As I was waiting for our meals to arrive, I reflected that it had been nine years since I separated from my husband and five years since his suicide. We shared with one another the things we had learned about ourselves through the process of grieving our losses; we talked about the things we missed about sharing life with a companion/spouse and how we were beginning to appreciate our singleness and the new freedoms we had. We touched on the importance and challenge of self awareness without judgment as we continue to grow and stretch emotionally through the passing months and years.She laughed when I said, “I’m sorry for talking so much but liiving alone I miss having someone to share my feelings and thoughts with.” She pointed out to me that another one of our friends, newly separated, often apologized for tlaking so much for the same reason. At that moment, I found myself deeply grateful for the blessing of friends.

Sandi,
Wonderful! I can’t even put into words how I felt as I read your article. My eyes teared as I felt that same emptiness and then the delight as God brought someone for you to share your grief on that night of reunions. Thank you for sharing this beautiful, heartwarming article that is filled with so much hope for those of us “getting used to it”.

Sandi,
Your article continues to be on my mind. I am taking the time to see the people God brings to me when I feel alone. Comforting to know we are never truly alone.
Keep writing for I am always checking in to see what wonderful things you have to share. Thank you Sandi for this site and all the post.

"Words of wisdom from those who have had to walk through grief: be gracious/patient/forgiving when we forget appointments, change our minds at the last minute, don't return phone calls, act a lil' crazy."
Kelly Schleyer Powers

"You do not work through bereavement. It works through you."
Virginia Ironside,
'You'll Get Over It'-The Rage of Bereavement

"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love."
Washington Irving

"I wish you would've told me," she said, "that losing you would be like losing my life."
...taken from author, Mary De Muth's novel, The Muir House.

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."
Psalm 147:3

"In a world rocky with human failure, there is a land lush with divine mercy. Your Shepherd invites you there. He wants you to lie down. Nestle deeply until you are hidden, buried, in the tall shoots of his love, and there you will find rest."
...Max Lucado,Traveling Light