September 16, 2005

Apu Nahasapeemipetilon (aka ARC Dog) breaks down the UF vs. UT Matchup in his first article for the Georgia Sports Blog.

I decided to predict the winner of UF vs. UT, and the only way I know how to do it is very mathematically - by the numbers. With apologies to Nick Bakay, here is the UF/UT "Tale of the Tape"

1. Florida is led by the brother of CJ Leak. Tennessee is led by the brother of Casey Clausen.

Edge: Florida

2. Florida's coach was given his job after he had great success at two smaller programs and worked his way up the coaching ladder. Tennessee's coach was given his job after he turned traitor and stabbed his former boss in the back.

Edge: Tennessee

3. Florida gives us Jeb Bush. Tennessee gave us Jed Clampett.

Edge: Tennessee

[Photo: Famous Vol alum]

4. Florida relies on a tailback (Deshawn Wynn) with a weight problem. Tennessee relies on a coaching staff with a weight problem.

6. Florida's last head coach was run out of town and into the Big Ten. Tennessee's last head coach was run out of town and straight to the bottle.

Edge: Florida

[Photo: If Johnny Majors dies. Sell your stock in Stoli]

7. Florida's thousands of fans wear disturbing outfits made from mind-numbing shades of orange, act in general like rabid animals, and cheer for players with criminal histories that read for pages. Tennessee's thousands of fans - who are we kidding here, we know where this is going.