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Tuesday, January 12, 2010

WOW!! What a start to this new year I have I had so far. I am in my 3rd week of my official status of STAY AT HOME MOM, and I LOVE it!! I love the little things that come with being a SAHM, like cleaning...never liked cleaning before now, but now I love keeping our home clean and picked up. As I was cleaning the children's bathroom, I thought to myself, "this doesn't look too dirty, it could wait one more week to be cleaned." Then God whispered to me, "Your heart doesn't always appear dirty on the outside, but I need to clean it on a regular basis so that you and I have the best relationship possible." OUCH!! This is so true and I love that in the simpleness of cleaning a bathroom God SPOKE to me. Here's how I am now preparing myself to be able to hear what He has to say:

I'm in my 3rd week of Engaging in the Scriptures as well. So far I have read the first 8 chapters of Matthew and the first 9 chapters of Psalms and Genesis. God is speaking to me in so many ways. I find it fascinating that the last two sermons from the Austin Stone have helped solidify what God has been saying to me. That when I start to read God's word and spend time with Him, he is going to reveal the problems in my heart. Guess what...He has!! My heart is full of doubt, untrust, and lack of faith. My mind knows what I need to think and believe, but my heart is 10-20 steps TOO FAR BEHIND!!

Over the last 3 weeks God has been working on me, revealing to me through both the scriptures I have read AND the messages at The Austin Stone, that I NEED to be INTOXICATED with God and spending time with him, a lot like the way I felt when Gabe and I were dating and first married. That my lack of faith, doubt, and untrust is an unbelief in God. Because of my NOT trusting and lack of faith that He WILL provide for us financially, I don't believe that HE IS GOD! This stung to the core when God revealed this to me last week. This week He reminded me that as I learn to read and spend time with Him, then He is going to work on the stuff that is causing me to NOT have the best relationship with Him. And that is EXACTLY what God is doing right now.

God is reminding me on a DAILY basis that I MUST and need to rely on Him every minute of every day.

I feel like the following clip from "Facing the Giants".

God is preparing our family for the next season in our lives and now we must wait on His timing. He is preparing my heart to be ok with whatever is next for our family. Right now, I must prepare for all possibilities and be ok with HIS timing, not mine. I can't wait to find out what/when it is, but until then, I will continue to pray, study, and spend time with Him daily!!