Sunday, May 11, 2014

Mother's Day

For some I guess. I am not a mother and don't have a mother; and am not amused by whatever trauma I've observed by those who do have mother's but are enmeshed in dysfunctionality.

If I was still in the monastery, I'd be having a bad weekend. First, the sisters set up a special table and everyone puts a picture of their mother on it; and the liturgy honors mothers. But wait, I really hated my alcoholic mother and wish I hadn't been born. So, I'd be annoyed at the monastic community activity. Then, the sisters are having an auction this weekend. I was there during one of these auctions. I stood in the rain all day and directed traffic and parking. It was very tiring. I'm more the type of person who takes the unwanted stuff to Good Will, rather than have a sale.

Instead, I've been doing miles. And noticing what my body, mind and spirit can or can't do. I've noticed that I've had pain in my left heel so long, that I have difficulty getting out of bed. I can't look forward to going running because I don't know how bad that heel will feel.

However, it is getting better. This weekend, almost the only pain I experienced was related to the scar (which is right down the back of the heel), but not related to the heel spur on the bottom of the foot. It is very good news that Saturday and Sunday, I tried the "Miracle" (brand) insoles and my foot liked them. I haven't used them since surgery because they have been too high in the arch. But this weekend, they were perfect.

On Friday, I did 23 laps of a 0.46 mile loop in Pine Gully park. This was jog/walk and I got 10+ miles in the middle of a sunny day. My heel was not feeling great as I think the shoes were tied too tight and pressing on the heel too hard. On Saturday, I did 55 laps of a 0.37 mile loop in Brummerhop park. This was jog/walk day and I got 20+ miles in 5 hours. On Sunday, I power walked for 4 hours and 14+ miles; in Meador park on a 0.7 mile loop. Sunday was heat test day. I didn't start until pretty late. I wore my "Solumbra" (brand) SPF jacket and hat. I think that it does help to keep the sun directly off the skin, even in humid Houston. I also drank "Clip-2" (brand) drink. I think that helped also.

Think about it: 4 hours speed walking in the sun. What does it take to do that? Body, mind, spirit.

Walking for hours is not that easy. One time in a 3 day ultra, a 65 year old woman walked my young ass into the ground. She never ran at all; but man could she speed walk.

Laps. Yes, laps. Laps are boring. But I'm not running for entertainment. I'm running for introversion. I'm doing laps to train my mind. When I get to a real 55 hour race, I want my mind to be able to handle laps. You can forget yourself doing laps. You have to get past a certain point, which take a few hours; but then You suddenly lift your head and realize 40 laps went by and you didn't even see them.

Some people pick their 100 mile races based on technical difficulty of the trail. Some people pick them based on popularity. I pick mine based on inward potentiality. After hours and laps, it is not about the running but the dregs of who you are.

Today, I watched a boy completely scream at his big brother. I completely understand the rage. I haven't screamed at anyone in years, but in my silence, I know there is rage. I think we all have it but most of us don't let it out. A Course in Miracles can address the rage.