Zombie Apocalypse

Jerald moved much less cautiously through the forest now that he no longer had to pretend to be scared and lost to attract any prey. To his enhanced senses Rex's trail was obvious, helped by the little white tufts of poodle hair caught on the branches and brambles. He moved silently over dead leaves and branches they lost the sound-track to this part apparantly seeming almost to glide. He continued to ignore the rising sun must be a rare sun-bathing vampire subspecies... intent as he was on the poodle's track.

Rex had gone to ground in a large cave that looked like it might once have housed a bear. 'How convenient, a large cave to shelter me from the sun I've been ignoring', thought Jerald. 'And probably a bear so I can have a fight scene with an easy victory before that mangy mutt attacks me and I dispose of him like so much beef jerky.'

'Hey, this isn't mange, this is makeup!' barked Rex from somewhere inside the cave.

Jerald walked into the cave as though he owned it, and paused, inclining his head slightly to one side when he heard a dog barking somewhere inside the cave. At that moment the sun came lancing through the trees in full force and an errant ray struck Jerald on one cheek. He hissed in pain, and steam rose up from the wound even as he strode deeper into the shadows of the cave. Ah, so the sunlight only burns when he can get away from it then?

At the back of the cave those rocks are wobbling in time with his footsteps! the cave divided into two passageways, one going left and the other right. Jerald stood at the junction and breathed deeply, flaring his nostrils like a hippopotamus, those are some impressive nostrils and then took the left passageway smelling fear? But not smelling whatever the dog was barking at?

About thirty seconds after Jerald disappeared down the left hand passage, Simpsonkins lurched up the right-hand passage with an arm-bone still stuck in his chest, and his decapitating tea-tray held in his left hand. You'd think even a zombie would pull the potential weapon out of his chest. Clearly it's the effect of being a British butler that caused him to get here ahead of his master without being seen...

Jerald walked confidently into a large cave mysteriously lit to be bright enough for us to see everything clearly except the light source and came to an abrupt halt on a large X. Rex was cowering in front of a large black bear that was taking a very long time about killing him with a single swipe of a huge paw and the bear was drooling slightly. Jerald stepped forwards dramatically more camp than dramatic, really and then flinched to one side as the decapitating tea-tray narrowly missed him and cut Rex's bobbled tail off.

- Do you laugh loudly from the back row of the theatre during a horror film? - Do you wish to yell at the characters: "Why are you crawling backwards along the ground? Get up and actually run, or just fight the idiot. Anyone wearing something like that has got to be missing a few brain cells!"? - Do you like taking cliches and turning them into...

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