Leadership is not about which path you take, it is about the choices you make when the roads diverge. It is not learned in a one-day or one-month program. It is learned through a lifetime of education, experience, and reflection.

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Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Words Have Meanings

Have you ever noticed that the same word can generate very different reactions from different people? Every person has their own lens through which they view the world. It is crafted from their personal preferences, the time and culture in which they were raised, and their personal life experiences. We can study personality type, generations theory, active listening, and coaching, but the fact of the matter is, at some point, a communication disconnect will arise because one person uses a word in a conversation that has completely different meanings
or connotations to the two people involved. While this may seem easy to fix by looking the word up in the dictionary to find out who is right, I feel this only deepens the defensive positions of the two individuals involved in the potential conflict.

This happened to me last week when a friend and colleague said she was trying to break through my righteous barrier. Through my lens, regardless of whether I am right or wrong, this was a very offensive insult. My gut reaction was honestly to get up and walk out of the meeting, but I didn't. At the time I knew that I was having an emotional reaction and my friend was explaining her coaching process with a word that meant no more than pushing past the stock answers and going deeper. Did that make it hurt me any less? Nope, I still get that sucker punch feeling four days later just thinking about it. However, I am sincerely glad that I didn't let an emotional reaction ruin a friendship and working relationship over something as small as the meaning of a word.

So what is the point here? Learn to recognize when you are attaching meanings to words in a conversation and when you are inferring something (especially an attitude or judgment) that may not be there. If you aren't sure what a person means, ask them for clarification rather than reacting emotionally. Try not to let the clarification devolve into a who is right and who is wrong about the definition of the word, instead focus on arriving at a common understanding.

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DeAnn Malone

About Me

I am an executive coach, trainer, and blogger with experience with individual contributors, managers, senior leaders, and C-level executives and teams in government, corporate, and non-profit settings. I hold a Juris Doctorate, am an ICF ACC Certified Coach, an MBTI Master Practitioner, a Franklin Covey Certified Facilitator, and a Gallup-Certified Strengths Coach.

I believes that development starts with individual self-awareness and expands by learning how to understand each other and utilize individual preferences and strengths to maximize personal and team productivity. My mission is to coach individuals and teams to consistently operate at their highest potential and to create a lifetime learning and development culture.

I have 15+ years experience as an attorney, 15+ years experience working with volunteer leaders and non-profits, and 5+ years experience in Executive Leadership Development and Coaching.

Futuristic | Strategic | Activator | Relator | Individualization

While I have full-time employment as in-house counsel for a corporation and am an active volunteer for a national sorority, the opinions in this blog are mine alone.