Am I overreacting??

It's gonna be long, so if you don't have time to respond don't read it. I need answers, not just lookers.

So my fiance n I have a colorful past. I had my twins early and lost them and the doctor said it was stress. I knew he'd stressed me out all along. Shortly after the death of my second born twin I found out about him carrying on a relationship with a girl who was married w/ 3 kids- and from the opposite race if that matters. I was hurt. At that time I was at the hospital everyday praying my other twin would live.

So shortly after my oldest twin died, his best friend and i started talking more bc i moved to get away from my BF ( he wasn't my fiance yet). The best friend started telling me everything about the other girl and somehow ( i was so naive) put himself in my life. I was getting revenge, n yes something we had sex. I didn't find out until later that my BF didn't have sex with the girl.

However I felt betrayed. My whole preganacy he would go out everyweekend and not come home 3 or 4. He would give girls his number to talk to him on a personal level ( he is a parttime mechanic- so he encounters alot of ppl) He just did everything to me while I was pregnant not to mention the other girl while my twins were in ICU.

So long story short he confessed everything to me when he found out I wanted to end the relationship n that his best friend was moving in on his territory. I confessed about having sex with the friend. We forgave each other and he proposed.

One of the terms that we agreed on is that so things he was doing he wouldn't do anymore. So he doesn't go out anymore, rarely drinks, but he still is talking to some females on a personal notes when he's supposed to be strictly their mechanic.

Today he said the doc office left a msg on his phone for me. he said he'll check it and let me know. I said I can check myself and he said ok. When i checked his voice mail I heard me and I heard another girl saying her friend is having a baby shower so he should buy her a gift. RED FLAG for me!

He said it's just a girl who's car he worked on and her and her pregnant friend would come to the garage together and they would play about the pregnancy (say she's having twins when she's only having 1)

My problem is why is this "friend" comfortable enough to call and ask you to buy a gift. And she left no name at the end of the msg so she knew he knew it was her (indicating to me that this isn't their first conversation). My fiance says just call the number back, tell her I'm his wife, and ask her. And I probably can't trust him bc I can't trust myself. Totally not true bc I only did the other thing out of revenge.

Comments (22)

Trust is something you have to build over time. If he's not willing to stop talking to other females personally then I think he doesn't care much about you. Have you discussed this with him again? I would try that again and tell him how it makes you feel and you don't want to risk losing this baby(ies) to stress. See what he has to say after that but if it will make you feel better I say go ahead and call the girl but that doesn't mean she's going to tell you the truth either. Communication is a big componant in a relationship and if he doesn't work at your relationship you may be better off w/o him. This may not be a lot of help but it's just my opinion. I really hope things work out the way you want them to and I hope your pregnancy goes great. Good Luck!

i read over this twice, and i really dont know what to say other than i am sorry that you're going through this.

IMO this situation sounds awful to be putting yourself in. esp since you both have done some awful things in the relationship. please don't take this the wrong way, because i am having some serious issues in my own relationship so i can relate to staying together when people think you shouldnt.

in all honesty, after reading this, i just wanted to give you a hug.

sorry i can't be of more help. i really have to think about the situation you're in and consider what i would do. so i will probably be back to comment again.

I can be rude sometimes and she's just an inncoent bystander. She didn't know she was intruding.

So, you honestly think she is clueless to his life with you?? THAT is naive! But, ok...that aside...you are right...it's not HER problem, but it is his! He obviously has no respect for you or he would leave these women in the dust.

I wish I had advice for you. This relationship has quite a few scars already so trust is a HUGE issue! You both need to be honest with each other, If there was a woman that needed a gift and he felt it was important (maybe to keep a customer...who knows what his reasons are) he should have been able to tell you about it. The more "white lies" there are...the bigger they will keep getting. You are pregnant, so I am NOT going to sit here and say "leave the guy" because that honestly isn't helping you feel any better. It doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship, though...so baby or no baby, you may want to reconsider.

I wish I had advice for you. This relationship has quite a few scars already so trust is a HUGE issue! You both need to be honest with each other, If there was a woman that needed a gift and he felt it was important (maybe to keep a customer...who knows what his reasons are) he should have been able to tell you about it. The more "white lies" there are...the bigger they will keep getting. You are pregnant, so I am NOT going to sit here and say "leave the guy" because that honestly isn't helping you feel any better. It doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship, though...so baby or no baby, you may want to reconsider.

I've been trying to figure out the right way to say what I've been thinking since reading your post and the above post did it for me.

--

Athena

Disagreement does not equate to disrespect.

The poorly veiled attack made when you write "ASSume" only makes you look like the idiot.

I used to give all of my friends relationship advice. I would tell them to leave their jerk babies' daddys because they could do so much better. However, I've realized that it's not my place to "break up" a family, even though it wasn't my decision that did it. "Love is blind" is such a cliché, but it's so true. If your mom, sister, or best friend were in the situation you are in explaining it the way you just did, what would you tell them to do? Put yourself on the outside looking in, and set aside your feelings for him. It's the best way to figure out what's best for you and your unborn child(ren).

Oh gee! So I just talked to him and reminded him that we had that talk before about the whole personal call thing. He agreed that next time she called he would tell her that if it isn't about her car he's busy and can't talk. I DO trust that after I talked to him he will wean off the conversations.

For those who suggested I nip the relationship in the bud. In his culture and in my family that's not acceptable. And Lord have I tried before so think I didn't want to in the past. So if we could get past the leave him comments I'd appreciate it. I'm kinda stuck. And I say I'm bc he's fine in the relationship. He says everytime I get pregnant I give him trouble but other than that he's fine.It's me that's suffering.

And I will say not all moments are horrid, we actually have alot of positives in our relationship, but when it's bad it's bad ...as u can see