Beloved quarterback Andrew Luck proceeds to solidify his Stanford hero status by deciding to forgo the NFL draft and finish his Stanford career. Arrillaga scraps plans for the fifth on-campus gym to construct an edifice in Luck’s honor.

Confusion, fear, and panic, but mostly confusion grips the campus as Stanford Police fervently warns the entire student population of a Hot Prowl via mass text alert system. As is the case with most current events on campus, “Hot Prowl” quickly becomes a popular party theme.

Also offered starting spring: Math 2 / Music 4B: Days of the Week in Modern Song

February:

Based on the popularity of hit single “Friday,” the Office of the Registrar introduces Phil 240: Front Seat / Back Seat: Existential Determinism in the Age of Rebecca Black

Valentine’s Day week heralds the annual V-week and the sale of chocolate va-jay-jays. Despite promoters’ claims to the contrary, the student population remains convinced that “V” stands for very-awkward.

Bill Nye the Science Guy graces the halls of Stanford, generating more fanfare than Bill Gates and the Cataracs (though I admit that’d be an awesome name for a band) put together. Ms. Frizzle plans a visit for 2012.

The great mailing list fail of 2011 (see also: “unsubscribe-list-this“) proves that, given an audience of thousands, Stanford students choose to post dozens of videos of silly cats and zero profanities. My faith in humanity is restored.

‘The annual 680 Lomita Exotic party committee runs out of words that rhyme with “exotic” and opts for more direct marketing. “Sweaty, Partially Naked People” is a great success. Or at least people think it was. Most don’t remember.

The International Hide and Seek champion is finally apprehended in Pakistan. Osama bin Laden’s death is heralded with fountain hopping and “America, F*** Yeah” blaring from freshman dorms.

Third Eye Blind hosts a free concert. Excited to reclaim their youth, Stanford students show up in droves with Beanie Babies and Giga Pets. (more…)