and stuff I figured out on my own

What Dogs Know About Women

The other night I had an argument with the husband so I harrumphed up the stairs and went to bed early. (Actually, I harrumphed up then back down then back up, since I had forgotten the ipad in the living room. This took away a fair bit of the effect from my initial harrumph but it also allowed me to watch a new season of The Vampire Diaries in bed, so…).

Buster the Schnauzer did not have even a moment of angst over what to do in such a situation. Without hesitation, my loyal friend followed me up the stairs, AND back down, AND back up. As I settled under the covers, he sat upright on the bottom of the bed with a look that clearly said, “You are everything wonderful and perfect in the world and HE is an ass.” (Buster has a very expressive face). As we shared a moment of unspoken agreement, I came to realize that Buster the Schnauzer is a relationship savant, with an understanding of the female gender that exponentially exceeds that of my poor husband.

Like most men, hubby claims that he has been trying to “figure out” women for most of his life. And, like most men, he is progressing towards this goal at a snail’s pace. After nearly three decades of togetherness, the father of my three children still has no idea what I might want for my birthday, cannot locate my “good side” when taking a photo, and thinks that an action/war/zombie apocalypse movie is a great “date night” choice. I believe that he should consider job-shadowing the dog for a few days because Buster has a lot to teach… and hubby has a lot to learn.

I have been watching Buster practicing his “woman skills” on me and I have noticed that it all boils down to five pretty simple strategies:

1. He looks at me when I am talking. Maybe it’s because he has no thumbs so he can’t channel surf or send texts or check his standings in the latest football pool. Whatever the reason, it is great to look over and see him listening

2. He is always happy to see me. Even when I’m only in the basement doing laundry, he is thrilled to see me re-emerge in the kitchen and always gives me a quick sniff, just to make sure I’m okay and was in no way injured during my perilous trek to the lower floor of the house.

3. He is happy just being together. I never worry that Buster is bored with my television viewing choices or that there is “no one he knows” at an event. He just wants to be with me. If we’re together, then it’s fun enough for him!

4. He doesn’t try to “fix” anything. Feeling blue? Buster will just lie beside you and commiserate. No need to explain “why”. No pressure to “cheer up”, “get over it”, or “let it go”. Nope. Buster is perfectly okay with a little wallowing (or a lot of wallowing if that is your preference)

5. He notices things. New haircuts, new outfits, new way of sitting on the sofa… No matter how small the change is, Buster will notice and he show an interest. The passion with which he shows his interest may in fact dishevel your new hairdo, rip a hole in your new outfit, and/or cause minor bruising, but still.. it’s flattering that he notices!

Please note that I am not advocating that women should stop having relationships with men and simply get a dog instead. But I am saying that any woman who already has a man may want to consider adding a dog to the picture. And if you must choose between one or the other…

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Thing is, I have four dogs, but only one husband. Now, if only the dogs could learn to shop, drive, talk to doctors. The dogs are fantastic for understanding, sympathy, empathy, and attention, but a little weak in usefulness. There’s always a flaw in the plan somewhere.

Buster does “pre-clean” our plates by licking them as we try to load the dishwasher… I think of it as his household “chore”, since he really cannot make a bed or set the table. It grosses out my mother-in-law, but maybe that’s another plus, ha ha.

Reblogged this on SERENDIPITY and commented:
Today’s a perfect day to reblog this one. It made me laugh. It made me laugh a lot and I have to admit, it did not make Garry laugh nearly as much. Sometimes I think there is only one husband in the world. He comes in a variety of packaging options — size, color, age, ethnicity — but underneath, it’s the same guy.

Okay, I plead guilty on all counts. I’m a guy. An aging guy. Yes, I’m still trying to figure out things. I’ve known my Wife as a friend, lover and spouse for more than 50 years and I STILL screw things up. I’m reasonably intelligent, have had a decent professional life, won a few awards and still am eligible for the jerk of the month prize more often than not. What can I say? Our four dogs love me. Best of all, my Bride still likes me.

I used to tell my first husband that I could replace him with a poodle and erm… power tools. ^_^ I did. But my current husband is much better than the first husband was because being the geek he is, he “researched” what women want and need (most of your list) before I met him.

Great suggestion for attention lover wives which we will never get from husbands, I would still prefer my man with all the peculiarities & anomalies………..No choice, don’t have pets 😦 In my case one in hand is better than two in bush.

After we got Puppy Cody, my husband accused me of loving the dog more than him, and actually said, “I think if it came down to that dog or me, the dog would win.” Do you know how hard it was not to say, “You got that right.” Love this post!

Sounds like we all need to channel our inner-Busters. We men are indeed fixer uppers, so we could learn a lot from Buster the Schnauzer. Of course, Buster’s first thought as you went up, down and back up the stairs, might have been “where is she going now?” My remaining dog likes to follow both my wife and me, so when we stop to backtrack, we have to watch we don’t trip over him. By the way, my wife cured me of trying to fix things when she just wanted me to shut the hell up and listen. She has kept me around for 29 years, so I must have followed Buster’s lead enough times. BTG

You know dogs are good about those things with me as well. During my worst days dogs and cats have always been there to show sympathy, understanding and unconditional love. They don’t require much, love, attention and a bone now & then. After 3 failed marriages it’s obvious I need a dog, not another woman. 🙂

About dogs, you’ve got it right for sure. Our little Yorkie, Winston, fits your description perfectly. Your take on men is good too, but in defense of our kind I would just urge consideration of an old saying, one often applied to salesmen but, I submit, applicable here as well:

Sell the sizzle, not the steak.

In other words, men are more about the steak and women more about the sizzle. The steak is important too – just saying. 🙂