Uni degree fakers will save the day

Businessfolk and politicians are constantly banging on about how we need to get more qualifications and get all skilled-up. Year-on-year this call goes out as our colleagues in India and China quietly go about the business of training their populations in preparation for crushing our economy in the not-too-distant future. It’s all rather depressing. But never fear; Guru is here to save the day – as always.

As a student of law, he was once told that “excreta tauri cerebrum vincit“. This roughly translates as “bull**** baffles brains”. Have a look at thise-mail received at Guru HQ – it is reproduced as received:

Lazy to attend exam or classes? We have Diplomas, Degrees, Masters’ or Doctorate to choose from any field of your interest. Only 2 weeks require to delivers the prestigious non-accredited universities paper to your doorstep. Do not hesitate to give us a call today!

So here’s the plan: Guru is going to set up the ‘Great big new University, it Really is a University, honest guv’ (or G.U.R.U. for short.). He will offer loads of fake qualifications at a reasonable price, which will massively skew the stats on the state of British education levels. When the Chinese see that 94% of our population have achieved PhDs, they will surely panic and bow out of the global economic market with their customary politeness.