Monday, September 12, 2011

Menu planning has been going really well & I haven't been at a loss for ideas thanks to pinterest! We've been doing well sticking to one beef meal, one chicken meal & one meat-free meal per week & then filling in the others with "whatever." Here is this week (notice the beef meal is substituted with turkey)!

Monday, August 29, 2011

Today, while G was away and Haddy was napping (gasp!), I was watching the Rachael Ray show (while attempting to organize the pantry). There was a between-segment "advertisement" for a new contest of sorts that really caught my attention. Apparently, RR is partnering with Crest for the "Life Opens Up" project - here is the description from her website:

Do you have a winning smile? Has your mouth ever gotten you in trouble, or opened doors for you? If you have a story to tell about how your mouth has helped you to open up to the world, here’s your chance to tell it. If you have a winning story for the Crest and Oral-B Life Opens Up Project you could win $25,000 and be featured on the Rachel Ray Show. It’s time to tell your story to Crest and Ora-B.

So my question is, for those of you who know the whole story of how we got our miracle baby (it all started with a random comment on a friend-from-middle-school's FB note & then spiraled into her becoming our egg donor), do you think this would be something appropriate as an entry for the contest? Of course, I would have to ask B if she would be comfortable with me entering the contest & I would have to talk to G. And I'm NOT committing to anything right now, but I thought I would put out some feelers and see what y'all thought! But don't take too much time in commenting - the contest ends Sept. 15th!

Sunday, August 28, 2011

For the past couple of weeks, I've finally gotten back into meal planning around here! It has been really nice to not be stressing about dinner time all day, until 5PM rolls around & I finally manage to scrounge something out of the freezer & pantry...and with the addition of my new, handy-dandy dry-erase menu board that I made (thank you, pinterest!), G enjoys knowing what dinners are coming up, as well!

This week's menu (that's last week's posted on the board) consists of:

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

The title of my post is very telling....the first post-partum arrival of a certain monthly visitor signals both that my body has returned to its "normal" self (thus thrusting me back into the lonely world of infertiles), and that I must therefore make this long over-due appearance on my IF blog. Not that I've ever truly left the world of infertiles, truth be told. But I now enter into a new phase of the journey - secondary infertility. Will we ever pursue treatments again? Doubtful unless we win the lottery...but even though we're perfectly happy as a family of three, I would be hard-pressed to say that my heart feels our family is complete.

So we are back to the same old place again - stuck between a rock and a hard place. TTC on our own which is basically about the worst odds we could ever have (I think anyway - others don't seem to agree with me), contemplating adoption (and again, wondering how we could possibly afford that), and praying for God's patience, peace and provision.

The only difference is...Hadley. Yes, she IS our pride and joy. It still doesn't seem real most days that she is really ours - we get to keep her - and raise her - and love her! What an awesome, amazing, HUGE responsibility. After nearly 5 years (by the time she was actually in our arms), I guess it will take longer than 8 months for it to actually feel like reality!

My online girls and I were talking the other day about how girls who are TTC#1 (with IF) likely perceive girls who are TTC#2 (with secondary IF) - chime in if you fall into either of these categories, please. It sparked quite a debate amongst us (all of whom have at least one child after struggling with IF), which is definitely understandable given the sensitive nature of the topic. A good friend actually brought up the valid point that in many ways secondary IF can be more difficult. Secondary IF tends to be a lonelier place since you rarely get the emotional sensitivity from people that you would get with primary IF, with the thought that "at least you have your baby now." It's hard for the primary IF girls to identify with us because all they can see is our baby; they feel that we've been rescued from the trenches. And I will agree that in many ways we have - but the same emotions are there; the same visions of our "perfect little family" that we had envisioned since we were little girls are still shattered by the reality of our malfunctioning bodies and empty pocketbooks.

I know I've blogged about the stupid, insensitive things that people say to women suffering from infertility before...but after talking with my secondary IF friends, it appears that those dumb comments don't stop just because you've had a baby! Secondary infertility is incredibly hard in a way that is so much different than us primary IF-ers can ever understand (I typed "us" before I realized that I am now technically in the category of secondary IF-ers - again, not used to the idea that I'm actually a mom & have moved on from the primary IF title). You get the normal stupid IF comments (it will happen if it's meant to happen, just relax, etc) compounded with the stupid comments reserved only for those ppl with secondary IF ("I bet little H would love a little brother or sister," "well at least you have your daughter, you should be thankful for that!," etc.) and people again don't realize how hurtful they are being.

And I would be remiss if, while talking about the stupid things people say, I didn't mention what one of G's co-workers said to me a few weeks back. As you know, we've been very open with our IF struggles and the measures (in this case, donor egg) that we went to in order to finally get our little miracle. Well, I was at Gregg's grade-level picnic & one of his co-workers came over while I was holding Haddy. She was saying how cute she was & then proceeded to ask me who I thought she looked like. Of course, I said that we all think she is a mini version of her daddy, as she looks just like him. Dumb co-worker then responds: "that's what I thought, too, but I didn't know what the mom looked like."

**crickets chirping**

Even just typing this out now, my jaw is dropping to the floor - I still can't believe she said that. Of course, I didn't miss a beat and just politely glazed over her sheer stupidity and reiterated that no, of course Haddy looks exactly like her Daddy - all the while wanting to punch her in the face. I labored all day and pushed this little girl into this world for two hours (sans drugs, might I add) - *I* am her mom!

So, that's where we are right now! Stuck somewhere between infertility and success after infertility. I'm glad to be back!

Thursday, December 09, 2010

Ok, MIL is getting some Hadley time, so here is your birth story!!! :) Sorry, my kitty dying is intermingled with this story because it's part of the day's events.

On the morning of Black Friday (November 26th), I woke up around 2:30 AM with contractions. They weren't painful, but were coming at regular intervals between 7-20 minutes apart. I went downstairs and watched TV, etc so I wouldn't keep Gregg up. After a bit, I realized that I hadn't yet seen my kitty that day - she was not looking good the night before (breathing funny & just not being herself) & I actually cried at that time (Thanksgiving night) because something in me just told me it was the beginning of the end. I checked her usual spots & couldn't find her anywhere. I laid back down on the couch for a while, read, watched TV, etc & for some reason, though to check for her in the basement. As soon as I saw her lying on the concrete (something she would never normally do) and she didn't respond when I said her name (I didn't get close enough), I knew that she was gone. I was so, so sad. She was only 7 years old & she was a dating anniversary gift from Gregg for our 2nd anniversary. It was around 4:30 AM at this time & I ran upstairs to Gregg & woke him up: "Baby - um, two things...I think Faithy died and I'm in labor" - according to him, that was not the way he had planned on waking up that morning.

He went down into the basement and confirmed that she was gone & then texted his mom & dad so that they would call when they woke up. I continued with contractions throughout the morning until his dad called back. They were shocked at the news of Faithy passing & his Dad came over to take care of her. I wanted to see her to get some closure, but her eyes were open (according to G) and they could not be shut again, so I didn't get to see her. We drove over to G's parents' house & she was buried in their "pet cemetary" behind their house. G had basketball practice, so I stayed at his parents' house and continued laboring while he was gone (yeah, I know, I told him to go to practice...LOL). His mom and one of his sisters (Mel) timed my contractions all morning/afternoon. They were continuing to get stronger throughout the day & definitely becoming more regular. When they were about 7 minutes apart, I texted my mom and told her that I thought it was the real thing (after G's mom felt my contractions in my stomach and confirmed that this was most likely true labor).

We went home & I got showered & then we called the doctor around 3:30 when my contractions were about 5 minutes apart. Gregg had to take the call from the doctor when she returned our call (it goes to the answering service first) because I was busy throwing up. Despite the fact that my contractions were 4-5 minutes apart at this time, they told us to wait an hour and then leave for the hospital. My contractions were definitely stronger at this point & I was SO upset that we weren't able to go to the hospital yet. I was face-down on my exercise ball with a heating pad on my back, or with G rubbing my back constantly. We determined that my parents were about an hour away, so we waited for them to get there & then we left immediately.

The car ride was not a fun one & it seemed to take forever with lots of curvy, windy roads, despite the fact that it was only about 25 minutes. When we got there around 5PM, we went to L&D to get checked in & they told me that I needed to wait in the waiting room because they didn't have room for me. I was SO upset, I'm surprised I didn't cry. I ended up kneeling on the floor in front of one of the waiting room chairs, with my face in the chair, while mom or G rubbed my back and I breathed through all of the contractions, which were gaining in strength and frequency. To make matters worse, there were some annoying kids in the waiting room and I think I remember telling my mom that I was going to kill them - LOL.

After FORTY FIVE MINUTES (5:45pm) of laboring in the waiting room (there were about 4 other pg women there, but none as obviously into labor as I was), I was finally taken back into a triage room. A midwife came in to check me and immediately said, "whoa! We've got an active one - she's 8cm!" We were shocked! I knew the contractions were strong, but I was breathing through them and didn't think they were THAT awful. The doctor came in and I pretty much had to decide on the spot whether I wanted an epidural or not. I told her that I felt really good, but I was worried about the pushing part. She said, "I won't lie, the pushing is intense, but you're really going to feel that part either way" so I decided to tough it out (which is good since the anesthesiologist never got around to seeing me anyway, which they're supposed to do either way). They moved me to an L&D room & checked me again maybe half an hour later (6:30) and I was 9cm. The doctor broke my water & an hour later, I was 10 cm. I really didn't notice a difference in the strength of my contractions until the very end (right before I was checked at 10cm) - the nurse told me that if I felt the urge to push, I should take a deep breath in and breathe out in spurts like I'm blowing out candles - those were the hardest ones by far.

Once I was able to push, it was actually a great relief - fighting the pushing was definitely the worst part of labor. I began pushing around 8:15pm. There was definitely a learning curve in learning how to push, but the doctor and nurse were both great with encouragement & G was there the whole time with my ice chips, rubbing my back. After about an hour of pushing, I started to get really frustrated because I felt like I was doing it wrong or that it should be going faster, but the dr. assured me I was doing an amazing job. I remember both she & the nurse saying that they seriously should have made an educational video about laboring on me because they never ever would have guessed that I didn't have an epidural - I was one of the best "breathe through it" patients they ever saw! They encouraged me to change pushing positions (on my side) and those really helped to bring her down. Just before 2 hours, they switched me back to my back and I knew it must be time because they took off the bottom of my table, put up the stirrups & the dr. put on her gown. About 5 pushes later, I felt her head come out & another push or two came her shoulders & she was out! I did not even feel the "ring of fire" that so many women talk about - I honestly don't remember any pain during the pushing process - it was just exhausting...I think my nerve endings must be dead down there or something! :) And I was so proud of Gregg, he watched the whole thing and didn't pass out or get sick or anything (HUGE accomplishment for him)! Hadley Rebecca Scholl was born at 10:08PM, 19 inches long! They put her on my chest and it was all just so surreal - I almost felt like it was happening to someone else - some kind of out-of-body experience.

H was whisked away to the nursery (G went along) because they wanted to check her breathing (she was "grunting" a bit), but everything was fine. I delivered the afterbirth & was stitched back up for my 2nd degree tear & then I ended up watching What Not To Wear on TV alone in the room for 45 minutes while G was gone, even though I had asked the nurse to go get my family, which they never did. Our parents, G & H all ended up coming back at the same time and stayed with us until about midnight. I was so glad that both sets of parents could be there to see her right away. Though we hadn't planned on it, we ended up sending H to the nursery that night because we were both so exhausted and needed to get some sleep...of course I couldn't sleep anyway due to worrying about her, plus being on the adrenaline high, but that's a whole different story!

My doctor was amazing throughout the whole thing - before coming to me, she had only had an emergency c-section & then I was her only patient. She sat on the bottom of my bed the entire time - there are about 10 doctors at the practice and if I could have chosen, she would have been the one that I wanted, so I was SO happy when I knew she would be with me.

We texted Becki to tell her the good news and she cried when she heard the name - she said it was just perfect and she couldn't wait to meet her!

In the end, we said it's almost as though Faithy (our kitty) was like our filler baby - one angel left us just as the other came into our lives...