Six ways to get the County Ground crowds back

Lee Power says that the attendances at the County Ground better improve or he will start flogging players, Alex Cooke has five better ideas, and one crap one.

1. Mark Cooper promises to get a Swindon Town tattoo. But not just a club crest as Paolo Di Canio lied he would but a picture of Jed on one bum cheek and Lee Power on the other arsecake. Then, when he sits down it will look like they are kissing.

2. No short corners. Ever. They never ever work and are the footballing equivalent of chunky KY Jelly.

3. Once inside the ground you are legally entitled to punch anyone who shouts ‘Foooward! in the back of the head. Irony is no defence.

4. Mark Cooper learns how to that scarf-waving thing. The churls love that stuff. It makes them clap their hooves together in delight.

5. Discover a typo on Massimo Luongo’s birth certificate. Once that jam spill is wiped up it will turn out that the talented midfielder is in fact Austrian. Hurrah! No need to fly thousands of miles to a Luddite-ruled nation far too close to the sun for 45 minutes of play, and no more Asian Cup! Just duty-free Toblerones for everyone.

6. A live judge’s summing up, held in the County Ground. All season ticket holders get to see the conclusion of the latest McCrory v Power court case, in the centre circle, under floodlights. #TeamPower can have the DRS, Arkells and Town End. #TeamJed can go on the Bank.

Well, the two chairs the ballboys normally sit on. Should be enough.

7,8 and 9
You can come up with these yourself and post them below. And read Ron’s excellent piece on the empty red seats. That includes a few, proper ideas.

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5 comments

I understand the need to get bums on seats and the need for finance to fund the club but threatening the fans, the people that pay to watch and support the club they love is so disrespectful I don’t know where to start. I am fuming that he is threatening to sell our best players when if he thought about it, if we go up more people will turn up. It’s hard to fork out £28 to see town V Rochdale, Walsall, when we play Bristol city, Sheffield utd etc the crowds are decent. Proof is we need to go up!! So stop crying about the club you bought and carry on turning it into something great again!! It’s been good so far, don’t ruin it! !

Clearly the issue isn’t price. If it was all these people would have bought the 6 or 8 game packs. They haven’t but still they go on. One on the facebook page says he goes to Villa as it is cheaper – that’s loyalty!

If you think about Power’s ‘come or I’ll sell players’ logic, it’s barmy: “If you don’t buy my product I’m going to make it worse!”

There obviously isn’t an easy answer to the declining attendances – it probably all comes down to Town going on a decent run, and a few well-promoted ticket deals.

One very small case study of something that could be improved: a friend of mine (non football fan, lives in Newbury) wants to come to a game soon and bring her two 9-year-old boys. I looked on the Town site for her and it says kids under 10 are ‘free’ – except you have to fork out £30 to join the Junior Robins first. She’s not going to do that, so they lose a potential customer…