Adventures of Zen Cowgirl living and being in Texas

Just before dawn, I heard cardinal song outside my window. The clear trill was coming from the trees surrounding the pool. I pictured the red bird in the rain-wet trees, on this unusually cool Texas May morning. But the bird appearing in my mind’s eye was not a cardinal. I was my familiar friend, the mockingbird.

My scientist’s brain went into testing and verification mode: Indeed, we have many more mockingbirds than cardinals in the poolside landscape. There is one particularly vocal fellow who frequents the tree outside my bedroom window. And as I listened, I heard other types of bird songs coming from the same apparent spot. I concluded: Indeed, it must have been a mockingbird.

I couldn’t help but wonder how I knew, before thinking it out, that the song I heard was an imitation of the real cardinal’s song. I bet if I heard a recording of the two, I could not discern a difference. Even real birds are sometimes fooled by the mockingbird’s song. Yet, intuition gave me a clear knowing. The same knowing took my mind a while to reach.

The voice that directs my actions and decisions is a lot like this morning’s bird songs.

My ego, my small self, is a mockingbird. It sings songs that help me to establish and defend my “territory” (who I think I am). But in Reality, those songs are only reflections, projections and imitations. They serve a temporary purpose, but do not reveal who I am at my core, nor help me fulfill my real mission in life. When I listen to the voice of my small self, at best, I am listening to an echo of the Truth. That voice may even direct me toward actions that are helpful and generous. But in the end, such actions frequently leave me feeling empty, exhausted or used.

Through the Grace of intuition, or through the conscious humility of setting aside my own small-self-will, I can hear the voice of my larger Self. This Self lives in communion with all of creation, and maintains a connection to the eternal force I often think of as God. Actions taken at the urging of this voice have a different energy than those directed by the small self. This is true even when the actions are externally indistinguishable from those fueled by the ego. Coming from a place of infinite connection and love, I am energized, not depleted. Even when I inevitably fail to perform perfectly, these actions create good.

The mockingbird sang to me an important message today. My mind, my knowledge, can lead me down some false roads. By opening to intuition and by practicing listening to my soul, I will be directed in the Right direction. I will move toward wholeness.