well more than anything i just thought it'd be amusing to see a thread named this near MJ's thread (i've been awake a long time, stupid things are starting to amuse me).

but i was also bored and i feel like making conversation.

has anyone ever found themselves stuck in a situation for years, and still been completely baffled about how to change things?

my problem is i can't seem to make myself do much of anything, from working out to leaving the house to getting a job, etc. best i can assume is i'm afraid of failure, and i know i'm afraid of finding myself stuck doing something i *really* don't want to do for a living.

but what really keeps me from doing things is just complete lack of real motivation, i think. and i just can't figure out why absolutely nothing, not even the things i love, can get me motivated to do anything at all.

i don't think it's that i'm depressed, really. i mean, anyone who knows me knows i'm anything but perky, but i'm also not exactly wednesday addams (despite what some people think).

so maybe it's just that i'm so certain that i'll fail at anything i try, that i don't bother trying to begin with? even if that's the case, i'm having the darndest time trying to snap myself out of thinking like that.

so if anyone has anything they'd like to add to this, maybe if they're feeling the same way or whatever, i'd really appreciate some advice (or even just opinions).

and yes, the fact that i've been awake for about 35 hours most likely has something to do with me posting something so random in here.

JT, I've found that the best solutions to that is to force yourself into some major change. It kinda jump starts you and gets you out of your ruts. Hopefully you won't have to move two thousand miles from home in a month's span to accomplish this the way I did. Something like finding a job and then moving out would probably be a huge move to get you going with some real action in your life.

i felt the same way once i was done w/college. kept recurring once i found a steady job (not in my field, but eh, i got coverage). it was easy to let myself get stuck in a rut with the same routine of home, work, feed the cat, watch tv, sleep, gripe about how unfair my field is. then among other things i started counselling, and taking st.john's wort suppliments, and working through a lot of my fears and anxieties. it changed the way i looked at everything, and made me realize that i could do anything i wanted if i wanted it. which has led me to my present bouncey bouncey disposition of barely contained yet motivational lunacy.

mind you, this is just what worked for me. as for a job? at this point any job can merely be thought of as a means to an end. the means being money, the end being whatever you want like costumes and cons and stealth bombers...

Let's see: I have a job I mostly hate, which barely pays the bills. Especially since the bills include massive student loans for degree in field in which I would (obviously) very much like to work if only I could find a job that pays the bills. (I can't afford to be a $7.50 an hour intern. I don't want to live in my car.)

Of course I could move to LA, where I could have a job that pays what I make now. Super, except that it costs twice as much to live there.

i know it is. and knowing that makes me even more reluctant to get a job "just for a little while," because i've seen how easy it is to get used to doing something. i know how i am, and if i got even mildly comfortable, i'd start doing the same thing i'm doing now, which is nothing at all. just going through the motions and wishing for something more.

for my mom, all she ever really aspired to have was a nice house and a family, and now she has that. she was lucky, really, because she didn't care what jobs she did as long as she was making enough money to work toward that house.

for me, though, the point isn't for me to make money, so i can acquire more stuff or live more comfortably. i just want a job i enjoy, so i can do what i want and be able to making a living doing it.

when it all comes down to it, my biggest problem is that i'm just too damn picky.

I guess I kinda am now (well and have been forever) in a similar situation. I have always known what I want to do with my life, but because I am too chicken, I don't really go for it. I think it's a fear of failure, ok I know it is. I don't have this with anything else. I have changed jobs at the drop of a hat. Moved cross country (and drove there all by myself) for jobs, school, etc. Gone up to complete strangers and started up a conversation, or asked guys out I just saw 2 seconds ago for the first time. I'm sooo not fearless in so many ways, yet in others, I'm a total wuss.

I guess when you want something really badly, more than anything else, you can be deathly afraid to risk anything, for fear of losing that one chance forever. I don't know anyone else that feels the way I do about their future in the job sense, etc. but I have had friends scared of commitment/relationships because of the same reason. (Fear of losing the greatest thing in their life).

I don't know how you conquer that kind of fear. I have no advice really. In my case, I guess you just keep a little hope and do nothing. It does eventually fade more and more as you get older. No wonder being a kid is so cool and being an adult sucks so much. That's pretty much where I'm at, and have been since high school. Argh.

Oh and being picky is a GOOD thing. And Kirana if you ever DO come to LA, look me up! I'd help ya out anyway I could. It it expensive here, but if you look you can find a decent place. And a lot of people find it easier with roommates.

Hey, Jupiter: In my opinion, it fairly simple: stop worrying about success or failure and just do something. It doesn't matter if you fail. You learn more from your failures than you ever do from your successes. Just do it and let the dice fall where they may. The point is that you let yourself be free to fail so that you can fully appreciate the successes. You can't have one without the other.
So, just get up and do something.

Just for the record, I have heard my whole life comments on my situation. It's so much easier said then done when you are really & truly scared about something. Plus the whole walking a mile in someone else's shoes comes to mind. Because EVERYONE has issues and problems and it's 10 million times easier to give advice then to take it. I wish I could take MY OWN advice all the time. ARGH. It just doesn't work that way for me. I don't know why.

That is also why I do NOT even talk about future goals with any of my family anymore. I got tired of having to justify my life and actions and answer questions everytime we had family get togethers. I am happy with my current job & boss. They are cool to work for and that helps. But I am not really doing what I want, what would make me happiest.

Again, fears not withstanding, all it takes is to do something. If you don't because of your fears, then you have no one to blame but yourself. So just get out and do something. It's really that easy. And unless you try it, you can't really say it won't work. I understand that some people have a more difficult time with being assertive with their lives, but I only call it like I see it. If you don't take control of your life then someone esle will.

While I understand that side, that doesn't really apply to me. I have NO problem with being aggressive. NONE. Anyone that has met me knows this. And just about everything else I can think of in my life, I have gone for. I have plenty of courage and strength. This just happens to be the one thing I don't pursue. No one is perfect. Everyone has their issues and things they need to get over, etc. Things they need help with. This situation happens to be something I constantly question myself on to this day.

The world ISN'T black and white to me anymore. Not everything is a yes or no simple answer. I can be more sympathetic and understanding with situations and people now(even when I don't agree with them)because I understand that things are not always how they appear. There are always other sides to stories.

I agree just taking a step forward can open endless possibilities but I would not say this is easy. Maybe I have just been through too much, seen a lot of people dealing with crap, addictions, etc. to say that "it's easy". It's very brave to do, to want change and go for it, but it's NEVER EVER easy. That is one of my problems. I wish for an easy answer but I know it's not there.

I understand you never know unless you try, but that isn't the point for me at least. It's the idea of trying, failing and not having anything left. Not knowing what to do then. It's not so much the failing as the what will I do if it DOESN'T work out.

I have NO problem being assertive in 99% of the areas of my life. And let's put it this way. NO ONE will EVER take control of my life. That will never be an issue with me. Anyone that knows me, knows that above all else is true. I need to let go of some things a little, but there is never a chance I could do that enough to have someone actually take over Not gonna happen.

And last I DO blame myself. I KNOW it's up to me. I am neither stupid nor delusional when it comes to this. I admit to this problem/weakness. That it's something I am open about, fully aware of and admit to. I don't blame anyone but me.

And for the record I don't think Jess blames others. I think she also is aggressive and completely able to take care of her issues. I just think everyone has something they have a hard time with.
The best thing in these situations in my opinon is to hear positive things. Sometimes when you hear encouragement from others, you can get the extra strength you need.
You have a lot going for you Jess. I have faith in you that if you wanted to change things you certainly are a strong enough woman to do it. But knowing from experience here, you have to want to.
Everyone has to live their own life, no one can do it for you.

Wow, Princess. Just for the record, the advice (if you can call it that) was meant for jupiter, not for you. No reason to take it personally. I'm sorry if you felt like I was directing it towards you.
Later.

Let me say first I am soooo not mad, angry, upset, etc. And I do NOT dislike you in anyway. If you got that from my post then I am not expressing myself at ALL clearly. Not at all.

Like my post said, I was trying to explain another side to it. I have heard that comment many times and I am trying to help explain why it's not "that easy" for people to just change when something is really effecting and bothering them. I didn't post to insult anyone. I think you are taking it that way and being defensive because you think I was meaning to do that. That wasn't my intention. I never said your comment was meant for me or Jupiter. You have a right to post your opinion and so do I. And just because someone doesn't agree with you, doesn't mean they are "taking it personally". And by the way I really didn't think you were saying it personally to me or being mean to me. I hope we can debate issues on here and have differing opinions without it being blown out of proportion. I am just stating my view based on my experience with my issue. I am not saying I am right and everyone else is wrong. I explained how I feel and was very open about my situation. I didn't think you read the posts completely and wanted to make a point that I don't feel I fall into that catagory. I assumed that we could discuss things on here and maybe if you knew all the facts you could offer another idea or viewpoint to me that might help me. I am always looking for other ideas and comments, suggestions, etc. that maybe I could try. Another angle that may work for me this time. I didn't know you "weren't talking to me". I assumed everyone on here talk and are open with each other. I guess it's a case of "you know what they say about assuming".... lol But if you notice, I did agree with you on points as well as disagree. Differing opinions doesn't mean people can't be cool with one another.

Change is never easy. I applaud any that are able to want a change and make it. And I have sympathy and understanding for those that cannot. I have been there and done that on both sides.

I have a problem, its called procastination. for the first time this quarter, I actually have all my assignments done for this week, before the week started for me (the holiday kinda helped ) for some reason i let myself get hooked into watching tv. i keep telling myself to leave for the library and do stuff, but never happens.
then there's my other problem. i was never popular in high school, and its given me a complex. i'm a quiet person, but once you get to know me, mwhahahah anyway, there's a guy i like, and people have been telling me to go for it, but there's always that little voice in my head nagging me that there is no way he'd go for it cause i'm not good enough. i would like to think i can take that step and try for something more, but then again, i am a chicken, hehe.
(needed to share that with people, knew i could here. thats why you guys rock!)

I kinda got into a rut for a while. Now I feel like Im finally pulling out of it. I try and force myself to do at least one "productive" thing everyday. The more I do certain things, the better they feel & then i want to do them more & more & more.
It helps me to do it gradually because a major life change overnight just doesnt seem very realistic for me.

wow, tyria, you hit the nail on the head. my problem is going online. i'm seriously quite addicted to it, and i know exactly why i love it so much:

i'm in complete control when i'm online. if i'm in the mood for a new desktop, i change it. immediately. for free. if i want a new site to express my new mood, i change that. if i make mistakes, no one sees them. if i want to learn something, i just look it up, and there's my answer. if i want to window shop, i go to a site and don't have to worry about being feeling like i don't have enough money. if i want to talk to people, there they are. and no one will judge me for how i look, because i'm hidden in my room. when my life was at it's worst, i could come online and get away from all of it.

the internet has made everything really effortless for me, and i'm good at using it, so why would i want to stop? it's my security blanket. it keeps me safe. yet all these other things i want to do require staying the hell away from a computer for long, long periods of time, and facing reality. i don't get to bend everything to my current interests in real life like i can do on my computer.

it's very, very hard to make myself go do something that i know for a fact will be more difficult and take more energy than going online does. and *everything* takes more energy than going online.

a huge problem i have is there are a lot of things i don't want to do while family is around, and my family is CONSTANTLY around. i feel uncomfortable dressing how i want, looking how i want, talking how i want, doing things i want; everything. i'm very self conscious because my family's opinion really matters to me (i wish it wouldn't). whenever i have gone out and done things, there's usually huge fuss made about it. i get horribly embarrassed then and don't do anything else for long time afterward because of it. this is why i stop working out, this is why i don't even sing; because everytime i start to do something, my family pipes up with, "we're involved! show us an example of what you do!" and i just hate to be bothered by it.

i tend to think things to death, too. the only time i get things done is when i do something on a whim, but that requires not thinking for half a second, and that's a rarity.

actually i was gonna talk to him this week, but then i got the greatest idea to go home for less than 24 hours so i could see my four month old niece. what was my reward for doing that? they gave me the cold that had been going around the house. i don't wanna get the guy sick now do i?
i think i'm in the final stages now, so hopefully by this weekend, i'll have talked to him..........hopefully......

Boy, computers are my problem too. But I guess that works, cause my intended job is working with computers.

Jess, I know exactly what you mean about failure. Fear of failure has stopped me from a lot of things. And I know this approach doesn't work for everyone, and it hasn't completely cured me, but one day I just said "**** it. I'm doing it." And since then, it's been increasingly easier to get things done. I'm no where near perfect in my approach, I still can't get myself to go to acting auditions (you know about it, but not everyone else does). But some day I'm going to see the stupidity in just sitting here, and get something done...