I took my four-year-old son to the pool today for what was supposed to be a fun time for us to splash around and swim together. Somehow, it ended an hour later with one of us getting back into my car soaking wet, and the other one half-naked.

When we were finished in the water and made it into the locker room to change, I rifled through my bag looking for his shirt, shorts, and undies — and realized my mistake.

In the chaos of gathering together the seemingly endless number of items necessary for a successful trip to the pool (including towels, sunscreen, water, sunglasses, two buckets, three fish, a small whale, a tugboat, and a partridge in a pear tree), my son’s dry change of clothes never made it onto the black hole that is my beach bag.

I was supremely annoyed. My first thought was a curse word that begins with the word “mother” and ends with a word that is much less…maternal. Then, my inner monologue began sarcastically chiding me as “Mother of the Year”. How could I forget his clothes? What was I supposed to do with him now? If I put him in his car seat soaking wet it might get mildewed, but I certainly wasn’t going to put him in there naked, either. I felt my teeth clenching and my shoulders rising.

And then I forced myself to take a breath, relax my shoulders, and put this in perspective. Was it really that big of a deal? Was any permanent damage going to come of this? How much would this really matter in a year from now, or a week, or even tomorrow?

It seems as though there are so many times lately that I find that I judge myself too quickly and too harshly about these things that are truly just little blips on the radar of motherhood. What good is it doing me? What good does it do for my children when they see me getting worked up and stressed out over every minute detail and tiny mishap?

While I cannot stop these negative thoughts from creeping in, I can do my best to combat them when they do. I can choose to laugh about it, to find a solution, and to just move on.

So I did the best that I could come up with in the moment, and walked out with dry pants and a soaking wet bathing suit top — proudly holding hands with my pants-less son as he walked to the car wearing only my dry tank top as a quasi-dress. He survived. I survived. Now, it will just be another anecdote to add to the family archive.

I may be out of the running for “Mother of the Year”, but I need to remember – it wasn’t anything more than just a mother of a mistake.

How do you handle it when you forget to pack a snack, are running late to the bus stop, or lose a permission slip? What’s an example of a #motherofamistake you’ve made? Are we too hard on ourselves as mothers?

RECENT POSTS:

12 Responses to Are we too hard on ourselves as mothers?

Autumnsays:

July 23, 2014 at 4:20 am

I really appreciate this article. Babies do not come with instructions and too often I find myself questioning if I am doing things right. Or when I know I missed something or found a way to improve the process in the future I still dwell on that moment. I have also noticed people are quick to tell you how you could do things “better” but rarely provide positive feedback on a job well done. Making it even easier to second guess yourself and dwell on events. It sounds to me like you made the best decision with the options before you and I applaud your creativity in a resolution! Keep up the good work, you are doing a great job!

Oh how I can relate to blowing my failings out of proportion. What is that all about?

Danny's Mommasays:

July 23, 2014 at 5:31 am

We were visiting family once when my son was a baby. It was about an hour drive from home. I had packed so meticulously, making sure his diaper bag had plenty of diapers, plenty of clothes in case of a blow out or two (or seven), plenty of toys so he wouldn’t get bored. Everything. Everything except his formula. I had the bottles. Just nothing to put in them. And after the hour drive he was pretty hungry. I’m broke down crying at how stupid I could be, and I was embarrassed that it had to happen in front of all my in laws. I seriously was about to just give up on the day and go back home, but my husband’s aunt said “Why don’t you just go down the street to CVS and buy another can?” Duh. Yeah, why not?? I was too busy being hard on myself to think of a rational solution.

Mandysays:

July 23, 2014 at 5:54 am

Oh my this happens to me all the time. I joke, too, about being “Mother of the Year”! Honestly, though, when I reflect on these past incidents, the time I wasted fretting seems so frivolous.

Personally, I blame social media and Pinterest, etc. — all of these forces that showcase “perfect” mom moments and that only drive me to feel so totally inadequate at times. Luckily, I’ve only spent about 5 minutes ever on Pinterest until deciding I would most certainly lose my mind. I’m in the process of weaning myself off of Facebook, too. No one likes to post their less-than-perfect mom moments, even though I think that would be pretty funny

You’re not alone and I like this post a lot. Oh and I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who uses Mother-******

HappyHippiesays:

July 23, 2014 at 6:08 am

I award myself the “Mother Of The Year” award pretty much every day. I’ve just learned to roll with it and laugh it off with a shrug. When you give yourself a moment to take a step back from your emotions, you usually realize that your gigantic failure is really just a blip. It’s all about perspective, and that can be the hardest thing to have when you are deep in the trenches of parenting. As long as nobody ends up in the ER (and sometimes even then!), it’s just life happening…bumps and all.

Friend of mine lost their 5 year old son to brain cancer. If that is not a catalyst to help you appreciate and even ENJOY the everyday moments, even the failures, with your kids, I don’t know what is.

Perspective.

mommamelsays:

July 23, 2014 at 6:34 am

I think we’re way to tough on ourselves for ridiculous things (i.e. not packing a snack, kids not having the requisite amount of ‘fun’, etc.) and way way WAY too lenient on ourselves for the things that actually matter: raising productive, benevolent, kind, humble, moral, faithful, self-controlled member of society. I wish we’d spend more time on the latter and quit stressing about the former.

Kimsays:

July 23, 2014 at 9:41 am

Hey, you made it to the pool and that is a WIN!! Congrats!!

We recently left the beach with me in a wet bathing suit and towel and her in her swim diaper and bathing suit. I missed the meltdown cues. It happens.

Kristinsays:

July 23, 2014 at 11:37 am

Im so impressed that you thought to use your tank top. To me, that is mother of the year!

Catsays:

July 23, 2014 at 11:40 am

I think your response actually puts you in the running for mother of the year! It is these situations where we are really teaching our kids!!

Elfriedasays:

July 24, 2014 at 6:10 pm

I think that was an excellent solution. I am so disorganized, if I DON’T forget something I am surprised. It doesn’t really bother me anymore. My first needed formula, so I was constantly running to the store to buy some because I forgot to bring it, or sponging off other parents, or I brought the nipple, the bottle, the water, and the formula, but not the twisty thing that attaches the nipple to the bottle. AHHH! Those were frustrating times. But if it’s not a matter of feeding the baby, I’m pretty laidback about all these mistakes. There’s always a plan B that works pretty well. I probably would have had the boy wear the towel back to the car and called it good.

posterwithopinionsays:

August 7, 2014 at 6:31 am

It’s funny, because we leave w/ wet swimsuits all the time. I never take the time to have my kids change. I’ve always had them get out a little bit early to let their suits drain off some. But, we ride w/ the windows down… and if it’s hot enough to swim it’s probably hot enough to dry the seats pretty darn quick. Just leave your car in the sun w/ windows down when you get home.
But, I guess it’s really not about wet swimsuits in the car, it’s about self-flagellation for making what you consider to be a mistake. Yet, I wouldn’t even consider that to be a mistake!

Program incentives include earning energy savings of 7 to 10 cents per kilowatt hour to offset costs of higher energy efficiency projects and the possibility of AEP funding up to 80 percent of an energy efficiency project.

Hot Topic

Royal baby fever is back! With less than a month to go until Kate’s due date – rumor has it that April 25 is the big day – everyone’s talking about the royal baby on the way. Who will be in the delivery room? What names are at the top of Kate and William’s list?… Read more »