Monday, 25 January 2010

Explaining childbirth to a two year old - bees and birds need not apply

Michela has been airing more views on life, the universe and everything. Take life. I showed her a photo of myself when heavily pregnant and told her she was inside it, then showed her a scan. Why? Because she has asked me again the 'embarrassing' question, 'Where do I come from?'

The first time she asked this I thought she was geographically challenged and confused (she was born in London, then we lived in Rugby and now in Cambridge), then I realised what she really meant when she explained to me about Pinga, sister of Pingu being born from an egg. It is such a cute piece of animation - the midwife turns up on ice skates and she has a big spoon to break the egg.

I thought about cabbages, storks, birds and bees and decided I would not go for fairy stories but stick to the truth as much as I could. So I said, that yes, she was an egg in my belly, then became a prawn (the only animal I could think of that is small, pink and resembled her actual size), then grew very big and there was no space so she had to come out. I asked: 'Where do you think you came out from?' and she replied seriously: 'I came out from a booboo.' I couldn't help laughing (booboo is her pet name for breast). I said: 'But the booboo has a tiny hole, you were too big for that.' Michela was adamant and for days she kept saying: 'I came out of a booboo' at all times.

When the entertainment value wore out, I decided to set her straight. I wouldn't want her to go to primary school like I did thinking I came out of my mum's right leg (my mum gave me the talk a bit too late when I was a teen and knew already what was what). So I said she came out of my bottom, which is a word she knows and because we use it for nappy changing as in 'Stay still I need to clean your bottom'.

My moment of truth had hilarious results when Michela put two and two together while we were shopping at a local supermarket. At the till she announced: 'I came from my mama's bottom.' Then she added: 'There is a hole there, I came from the hole.' Nobody said anything but my partner and I nearly fell off laughing at her logical approach (we never mentioned any hole and yes we were amused but slightly embarrassed).

Another deduction that had me bursting into laughter and her dad look sheepish was when Michela saw my partner in the bath, pointed at his bits and asked: 'What's that?'

My partner said it was a willy and Michela announced to me: 'Dada has a big willy' which embarrassed my partner and made me laugh until tears came out of my eyes. She has not announced her discovery in public places yet. We have joked about it at Christmas - children do say the funniest things.