Monday, May 19, 2008

Today I had something kind of weird happen. Something that made me feel a little uncomfortable. I went to my second weight watchers meeting and I felt, well, not unwanted exactly, but I definitely got a vibe of "what are YOU doing here?" from a couple of women -- not any of the counselors mind you, but some of the other people at the meeting. This one girl WOULD NOT STOP STARING AT ME. I'd like to think it was because I was so stunningly gorgeous she couldn't look away, but every time I looked her way and smiled my friendly little half smile, she would look away. Not smiling. Sure, I could just be paranoid but I'm a pretty good reader of people and body language and there was a definite chill.

The truth of the matter is that I was one of the skinniest people there, but you know, skinny is a relative term. Sure, I might have been smaller than most of the women in attendance, but I am a good 20 pounds over my physician identified ideal weight, which I'm pretty sure qualifies me as overweight.

This has actually happened to me before. I joined Weight Watchers years ago when we still lived in our hometown. I joined with a friend as moral support, though I did need to lose about 15 pounds at that time. At my first meeting I ran into the father of a guy I went to high school with and he laughingly said to me "What are you doing here? You don't need to lose weight! We beat up girls like you after class." He was only kidding and we all had a good laugh, but still.

So, why do I feel like I need to give my fat "pedigree" to feel legit? Do I need to tell them that several members of my extended family are what is now termed morbidly obese? That I struggle with food all the time? I love to eat, but if I ate everything I wanted to eat, I would be huge. It's a constant battle of wanting more of whatever it is that I'm eating and then immediately feeling guilty after I eat more.

I'm doing this to get healthy. To get thinner, sure, I'm not going to lie. But mostly I'm doing this because I want to be healthy example for my daughter. How fantastic would it be if she could have a healthy relationship with food? THAT is my real goal.

That is great about the four pounds. And unfortunately, heavy people can be just ad judgmental as skinny people, but they feel they can use their victim-ness to justify it. People judging people is wrong, period and I'm sorry you felt that way.

4L-B-S's that's fantastic. And yeah, I totally hear you about the WW crowd - I tried to go to a local one and they were VERY clique-y. After the fourth time with the looks I just went online and did the program online and found a chat group that was full of people like me.

I know exactly what you mean. I would like to lose weight but when I mention this I get daggers thrown at me. I currently weigh 120 lbs. Yes, this is small for most women. But I am 5'2" and up until my first child was born at age 27 I weighed 98 lbs. That's a 30 pound difference. I look in the mirror and my legs look huge. I have an unflattering amount of fat on my stomach and it rolls when I sit.

Like you say, it's all relative. When you are used to a certain size, 30 pounds makes a huge difference and when you are smaller it's even more noticable.

Hang in there and congratulations on losing those 4 pounds. That is really an achievement!

Same song, differnt verse: I get comments all the time about what I eat for lunch! That it's not much, can't be enough, what's my problem anyway, etc. Makes me want to SCREAM. We all struggle as we get older NO MATTER OUR SIZE. Sheesh.

and screw those other ladies...it's not your fault that they waited until they were larger than you to get help; they should be supportive and be happy that you're going there now to adjust your eating habits and view of food.

Dude, four pounds is awesome, even for a somewhat skinny chick. Easy to get the glares there... I got the glares when I went into a Curves to see about a workout schedule that I could handle with my arthritis and all that - and got the glares because I weigh 112 lbs sopping wet. What's wrong with a girl trying to build a little strength and avoid osteoporosis?

Amen sistah and congratulations! We totally need to go to meetings together! I, too, need to lose a good 15 pounds...mainly due to the fact that I have high blood pressure and high cholesterol. Keeping my weight in check is extremely important.

Coming from a fairly heavy person, my advice is to have patience with the woman. She's judging you because she's afraid you're judging her. It's not so much that we judge skinny beautiful people like you, it's that we're jealous and our own insecurities about ourselves make us think you're judging us. Not an excuse for rude behavior, of course, but I've found it's easier to deal with rudeness when you have an idea of where it might be coming from.