As a curious one, I subscribe to rather a lot of interesting teachers, healers, inspirers of the world . . . I get snagged by those landing pages, ‘click bait’ … ‘lead magnets’ [nod].

This means, I get to receive some of their thoughts, gifts and offerings into my email box… some VERY regularly, and well, if they are over zealous I allow myself to unsubscribe but some I choose to keep..

… I read the subject line, it draws me in.. and whoa.. before I know it I’ve read a page that transforms some of my thinking, or meets me right where I am, and THEN… can come the self harming part.

I want to speak about this part, self harming without cutting. Not unlike those vicious paper cuts that catch you by surprise, and sting like a bee. I’m referring to the moment you take a message read on the page, the screen and COMPARE your own output, or achievements, or experience in a way that has you sense, or feel you are not enough. Not doing enough. Not being enough. Not giving enough.

Do you ever start to look at the author or artist as a super human? One who hasn’t had a day of self doubt in the last 6 months and they are thriving and flourishing in their online arena blooming like a springtime garden?

There are likely many psychological reasons we humans do this, probably running patterns of ‘not enoughness’ from childhood osmosis. I seek to make a safe space for myself to be ok in this world just the way I am. I am always, all ways, open to growing, and learning, that is not my issue here.

To me a landing page is one in my art journal where I can show up wild and true and free, and give my words and feelings a safe place to land.

My issue is how I mistreat myself, and feed self doubt.

Marketing blue prints can come across as an assault to my sensitive soul.

Today’s world of free stuff, social media and marketing is so full, it can crowd out our own still small voice of reason and strength. Authenticity is the current catch cry of the online arena.. and I mean catch. cry.

It is so so so challenging to find a way to bring ones gifts online without losing, or indeed bruising the very heart and soul that you begun with.

To me a landing page is one in my art journal where I can show up wild and true and free, and give my words and feelings a safe place to land… not a first page of a web site that captures peoples addresses so that I can fill up their email boxes to the point of madness.

video featuring this image at the end of this post

To be honest, I am conflicted, I am an artist and I hold space for online courses myself, and I am currently seeking ways to connect with those who are drawn to my way of sharing and being in the world so that I too may welcome classes filled with delighted participants. But this cannot be in lieu of my integrity. It really cannot. I call BS on this current flood of too muchery and not enoughery.

I want to hear real and be real, sans bullshit.

When I am hit with the barrage that sometimes comes in the form of “you asked for it, now I’m gonna give it to you” I am sometimes left feeling bewildered, emotionally drained, and definitely not enough just as I am.

I’ll use a recent happening as an example… it began with a free video series, powerful, shiny, beautifully presented. … but when it came time to sign up, to commit, to buy in… I started to receive daily emails: one that said it was from ‘The Universe” .. not the sender.. and then “ a note from myself, to myself’ .. the email was written in a form (by the seller) that it was my future wise self talking to my current self … basically saying how much this program had made a difference and how I really needed to sign up.

What the actual f? This may work for many, this may seem to come from a sincere place of someone seeing great potential in me.. but I start feeling irky inside and I have to pause.. which you cannot do if you are reading and watching every piece of marketing that flies into your in tray (inbox).

I call PAUSE on this, I feel it is dangerous and potentially damaging. I witness and sense the desperation this vibration tends to connect with and it’s not where I want to have myself nor my work live, breath and flow from.

Right now I am in the wonder zone, the intersection of receiving so much information on how to do an online business, the whispers from inner wise voice and my own upper limits. My current challenge seems to be letting go of the fear of rejection. Facing what success and failure means to me, why marketing makes me so freakin mad.