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By HVnews on March 8, 2013

If you click a tweeted link from the @NYPost that reads, “Man arrested for giving 21yo woman birthday ‘spanking’ after hockey game,” the first thing you look for is the mugshot. Thankfully, the Post delivered.

Here’s Craig Stanley, a 54-year-old man from West Hempstead, Lawn Gisland, who according to the Post “was charged Sunday with forcible touching for bizarrely smacking the woman’s rear outside Nassau Coliseum as a way to ‘congratulate’ her because it was her birthday.”

The glazed eyes, the Fu Manchu ‘stache, the deep, dark stare into your soul that says “I know it’s your birthday, and I know what you want is for me to give you that real-life Fifty Shades of Grey spanking you’re crying out for in that adorable throwback Pierre Turgeon jersey.” They couldn’t have picked a better mugshot from central casting.

As for Stanley’s defense, he said, “I didn’t slap her butt. This is all blown up.” The Islanders diehard insists he only hit the woman’s back.