Both times that my sister gave birth, she went right back to work and school. I lived with her and my BIL, took care of the kids and all that jazz, which really showed me that I am way too selfish to be in charge of another human being's life. That's a big deal. I know I would be constantly second-guessing myself about the tiniest, don't mean shittake in the long run decisions. I have a hard time enough at the co-op deciding on what kind of fruit I want to eat for breakfast let alone making decisions about breast feeding or diapers or other kid-like things. And I like to travel...a lot. This was our 17th move in 7 years. I wouldn't want to do that to a kid.

Plus, I am thoroughly convinced that my spawn would have all of my mental disorders thrust upon them and I find that to be particularly cruel.

I love this thread! Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and experiences.

I feel stressed about the decision to have kids or not. I'm not a great decider when it comes to big decisions. I guess I'm afraid I'll make the wrong decision and regret it. Over population and resource depletion are huge in my list of reasons to not have a kid.

I feel happy and satisfied most days which is really cool and I think a big part of that is that I have time to do the things I want to do, do things for other people, and sleep. It seems the trade off with having kids is that you get these occasional transcendent moments of joy within a life of chaos, frustration, worries, competition, and lack of sleep.

It also seems that giving time and energy to community becomes challenging when your life is consumed by raising a person. The idea of breastfeeding really appeals to me, but the idea of labor terrifies me. I'm am conflicted... I wish I knew what I wanted and the whole limited reproductive window is so annoying!

abbierae wrote:

I am undecided. Although I feel like I will be okay with it either way, which is a nice place to be. Sometimes I spend time with kids and really love the way they see the world and experience new things, and sometimes I spend time with kids and think that I would really rather just be by myself and not have to worry about someone else. I imagine that parents often feel the same way.

In any case, the presumption that children are the end all of life experience bugs the shiitake out of me.

You two have put into words exactly how I feel. Although, sometimes being undecided is a tough place to be when you have a boyfriend who definitely wants kids. I haven't got much crepe about not having kids from family, but this summer my mom asked me when she was getting her grandchildren and what language they would speak! And I was like, what the fork I still live in a dorm. I'm sorry that a lot of you have been so harassed. I have no idea what I would do in such situations.

Every OB/GYN I've ever had has refused to even discuss tubal ligation with me: I'm too young, my boyfriend might want kids (he doesn't), I'll change my mind. I'm 28, and I've known that I didn't want children for as long as I've known that I have the ability to have children, but everyone -- family, co-workers, DOCTORS -- still insists that I'm going to wake up one morning with an unyielding desire to breed. No. I have no biological clock. I have no mothering instinct. It is not going to happen.

Nowadays, many/most of my previously unabashedly wild friends are starting to "settle down," longingly gaze at strollers passing by, and talk about spawning, and it's kinda freaking me out. I have absolutely no idea how to relate to anyone who wants to have children, and while my continued inability to bridge that cultural gap is something I'm well aware is a personal failing, I have no idea how to even start learning how to handle it (baby showers, people asking me to hold their babies, baby photos, etc.). It's going to be like going to an immersion school that teaches a lost language.

As far as I know, there's a law in Wisconsin that requires you to get your spouse's consent before you get a vasectomy or tubal ligation, which might be where this fun line of "logic" originated. Blows my mind.

I won't rule anything out but I am pretty sure I never want children. I get the "oh, you'll change your mind" thing all the time. The more I'm around babies, the less I want one. Sooo, there's that.

_________________Did you notice the slight feeling of panic at the words "Chicken Basin Street"? Like someone was walking over your grave? Try not to remember. We must never remember. - mumblesIs this about devilberries and nazifruit again? - footface

I love children. I like hanging out with them and reading books with them and having my partner's niece call me "Uncle Kate". I would be a competent mother. I still have no desire to have children of my own and sincerely doubt I ever will.Dogs, on the other hand, give me all the dogs.

_________________Sir Isaac Newton is the deadliest son of a bisque in space.

I love children. I like hanging out with them and reading books with them and having my partner's niece call me "Uncle Kate". I would be a competent mother. I still have no desire to have children of my own and sincerely doubt I ever will.Dogs, on the other hand, give me all the dogs.

agreed. I scared the shiitake out of my ADAMANTLY no-baby girlfriend one day when, while walking, we saw a two year old(ish) and a puppy playing on the sidewalk with their doting parents hovering nearby. It was super cute, we both smiled at kid/dog, parents, each other. Half a block later, I turn to her and...

erawka: You know, I really want a --m: YOU WANT A WHAT?!?!erawka: ... a puppy.

and I've had to really demonstrate my no-baby cred since then. I can't even eat them because that would suggest I want a baby in my body.

I knew ever since I was 14 that I did NOT want chilren once I figured out exactly what that meant to me. Gestation and responsibility raising a child is not for me!

I remember informing my now ex-husband three weeks into dating that I didn't want children, and if he had any desire to be a father, he needed to find another woman. Still didn't stop the mustard from plotting reproduction with my mother. Every holiday my mother would ask me, in front of the now ex, if I'd changed my mind about having kids. I'd respond with a hell to the no! And she'd smile at my ex with a smug little smile. After I divorced the him, my mother informed me that he'd always tell her that I was "softening up to the idea of having kids." Yeah, maybe having them for dinner, I found out from the ppk that babies are supposed to be delicious.

That said, I got my tubal at 31, three months before I walked out on my ex. I remember informing my ex of my decision to get fixed and he got all quiet and said "It's your decision." and left the room. Damn straight, it's my decision. I also remember all the shiitake I got from my family and friends I chose to tell about my decision to get fixed. Their reactions let me know that I shouldn't be broadcasting my decision to get fixed. The best one came from my father who said, "But she's really good with animals, I'd hate to lose that in the bloodline."

Sometimes I'll make cutesy little faces at cutesy little babies on the bus (some part of my head tells me it's weird not to - and this is like, twice a year), but I make the same ones at cats.

Yeah, I sometimes smile at cute babies, but that doesn't mean I want one. I don't smile at ugly babies, and I get annoyed if I hear a screaming kid across the street. And I know that, if I had a kid, it would scream occasionally, and it might be ugly. So, no thanks.

_________________A pie eating contest is a battle with no losers. - amandabear