Friday, April 19, 2013

My children Big Brother and Preemie Girl had their graduations this year. Big Brother finished his Bachelor of Arts in Interdisciplinary Studies last October 2012 yet, but he is included in the 2012-2013 annual yearbook since there are no semestral graduations at the University of St. La Salle. He no longer joined the graduation ceremonies last March because he has started working last January and could not get time off. I am very proud of him and so grateful that God has blessed him with a well paying first job :) And my daughter Preemie Girl? Well, she also had her culmination ceremony, with a recognition award.......from Kindergarten! Hahaha!

Sunday, September 25, 2011

I have 2 children...a 20 year old son and a 3 year old daughter. People not in the know would almost always ask...Why such a huge gap between the two? I understand their curiosity because if I were in their place, I would wonder too. And so, I would always take the time to explain that my children are adopted. But it wasn't always that easy when my son was growing up... not because I wanted to keep it a secret. On the contrary, by the time he was 4, my son knew that I was not his only mother and that he had another one who gave birth to him. The act of adoption, fostering and guardianship were nothing new or strange to my family. There was always an adopted aunt, cousin, nephew and niece in the past and present generation, so it wasn't like being adopted was such a big deal to us. But you see, I used to think that saying he is adopted would make people treat him differently and I did not want that. I get so tired of people telling me (and him) how lucky he is; they forget that through this boy I was given the gift of motherhood and therefore "lucky" works both ways. So to avoid this and other insensitive comments, I would ask my mom to just introduce him as my son. Of course, my mom after doing so and once my son was out of hearing distance, would always make clarifications since she did not want people to think I had a child out of wedlock. In fact, one funny story was when my son enrolled as a college freshman and the person interviewing him used to be a co-professor of my mother when she was still teaching in that university. He looked at his papers and asked him if his mother was me and of course, my son said yes. My son laughingly told me about it when he got home and described the incredulous look on the professor's face. Surely, the very next day this professor called my mom to ask about it, saying "just last month I saw your very single daughter and yesterday, this boy tells me she is his mother!...How in heavens name can she have a son as huge as this boy in such a short time?" Hahahahaha! My mom had a good laugh and explained to him, that I have an adopted son. Today I say the word "adopted" freely because I soon realized that by not saying it gives it an even more negative connotation, as if being adopted was something to be ashamed of. My experience taught me that avoiding the word even though we never kept his being adopted a secret only made me more defensive and protective of my son, which did not help him as he was growing up. In fact, bullies in school picked on him just because he had better clothes, better things and was much more well taken cared of as compared to them who had "real" parents. It was as if he had no right to be better than any of them because after all he was just the son of a servant girl. I am glad that my son has surpassed all these challenges with grace and dignity. He knows he is loved unconditionally by us and not surprisingly, because he is so caring, friends from elementary and high school continue to seek him out. He will be 21 in 2 months time and has grown to be a reliable, protective and loving man. And he proudly says that he is adopted. And my little girl? After having my son, I never thought I would be raising another child. When he was in Grade 5, he begged me to have a brother or a sister but I refused, mainly for financial reasons. But God works in mysterious ways. After 18 years, I was given a daughter or maybe more age-appropriate, a granddaughter ;) ? She came for a visit when she was 5 months old and decided to stay :) Yes, she is a handful at 3 years of age but gives us a lot of love and happiness. We are all under her spell. As to her future...her "Dada" (the name she calls my son) who loves her to bits and who together with my mom convinced me to keep her, has promised to pay it forward. God in his infinite wisdom chose to let this baby survive in spite of the odds and made a way for her to come to us. It is a small miracle that she is so normal, very bright and healthy. Who am I to question the will of God?

Sunday, November 28, 2010

When we get married, the next logical thing that happens are the coming of the children. But when a marriage fails, what happens to the children? Often times couples forget that the failure of a marriage does not only involve the two of them but largely affects the children. It cannot be denied that the family is vital in the development of children. I do not think I would be the person that I am if my parents did not prioritize family, specifically their kids. We knew our parents had problems in their marriage but they never made us afraid that our family will fall apart...we were raised secure, comforted by their love and devotion. Yes, it may sound selfish but when you are a child, your parents and family is the only world you know of. This is why parenthood is such a big sacrifice albeit, a fruitful and joyful one. So, even if the marriage can't be saved, the children should always remain the priority of the couple. The children should be made to feel they are number one in their parent's lives, and in the eventuality that the parents find new partners then they should be truthful to the children without taking away that sense of love and security. When other half-siblings are born, the children of the first marriage should never be relegated to the background. I have half-siblings from my father's extra-marital affairs whom he never acknowledged. They had to wait for his death to be recognized. I do understand that they long for the love that they never received from my dad. Still, I am grateful that my father protected us from his indiscretions and never took away time and resources from us. It is unfortunate that his illegitimate children had very little time with him when he was alive but then they they were never part of my father's plan in life...they just, happened...calling them an accident may be harsh, but that's the truth. And their mothers are people I would rather not have anything to do with because for me, they are more to blame. These women knew very well that my father already had a family but they still willingly began a relationship with him and even if they thought otherwise, they should have ended it when they realized that for my father, they will always be the other woman. But they didn't and continued the illicit relationship even begetting children without any thought of consequences. My mother stayed with my father knowing all these because of us, her children...and for that I will be forever grateful. Still, these are my father's children and at present, I do have a semblance of relationship with my half-siblings and I am very happy that they are doing well with their lives in spite of the circumstances of their birth. My mom always say that the children are the innocent victims and in fact, has accepted their presence in our lives more easily than I had, to the point that she even helped send them to school. But I know how much hurt my father gave my Mom and on my part I want to spare her the memory of this hurt by keeping our physical contact with my half siblings to a minimum. I know they want to be recognized, however in order for me to accept them openly, they should put away the lies and illusions told to them and accept the truth about our father, their mothers and about their birth. Yes, these may be brutal but it's the only way we can have an honest relationship with each other.

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

Twenty years ago, my son came into my life as a 3 month old baby a few days after my dad passed away. My Dad had a massive first heart attack and the family was so unprepared for the loss. He attached himself to me before he could even say mama and as soon as he can walk he would follow me around...wherever I was in the house, he would be right there beside me. This little baby boy stole my heart like no man has ever done. He has given me the gift of motherhood and I finally understood what unconditional love looked like. When he was little I would always pray that he would turn out to be a good man...and well...I also hoped he would be tall since his birth mother is a very short person. So, I made him drink liters of milk, gave him growth vitamins and made him sleep early. When he turned 16, he was almost 5 feet 9 and I said to myself...I don't want to be greedy...5'9" is okay Lord. Well, he grew another inch taller...as well as bigger! And so, I begged the Lord...enough, please. The little boy (who has since become a Big Brother) has grown to be a man full of potentials. He still has a lot of growing up to do but hey, he is getting there...and I smile when I see a glimpse of the man I pray and hope that he will be.

Happy 20th Birthday, my son ♥ ♥ ♥ You are now in the threshold of adulthood...May God continue to bless you today and always.

Friday, July 25, 2003

Is maternal instinct inherently found in every woman? I ask this because my brother's wife from whom he has been separated from more than a year ago, doesn't seem to have any. I have never known a woman with so little maternal instinct that the very rare moments that it shows goes unrecognized and undetected. The care of her children has been delegated to a caregiver since infancy. So it is no wonder that the children rarely miss her. I act as a surrogate mom because I love them and I feel so sorry for them. I thank God that in spite of their parents' weaknesses and faults, they seem to be happy children. Maybe because they are only 8 and 6.

About Me

I am a member of the working class, first and foremost: a daughter, a mom, an auntie, a sister, a physician, a caregiver, the family driver and troubleshooter, house princess, devoted nurturer, concerned meddler, accidental blogger etc. I am not religious but I am a true Roman Catholic. I have great faith and trust in God's love and mercy.

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