While inside my mind
All the feelings I have perfectly explain
How much you mean to me
I group these feeling into thought
Before they are sent to my frontal lobe
From there the thought becomes
A perfect expression of my love for you
Then the expression passes by the first hurdle
My heart
It takes the expression and translates it to words
Most times
These words do not translate how I really feel
Something about you changed that
From my heart these words reach my diaphragm
Expanding my lungs to aid me in their delivery
As I begin to speak
My mouth cannot find the words
Instead of letting them free
I trap them in my mind
Trying to improve what was made perfect by you
This hesitation
Makes you believe that I do not care
You start to walk away
Then I try to build words directly from my feelings
They may not have been perfect
But that is how they worked
You turned back to me
As I told you from my feelings
I love you
May not have been the proper words to explain
The depth of all my feelings
But it kept you around for me to tell you
All the words that I wanted to say from my heart

My mind doesn’t know
Who I want to be
My heart just wants
To like what I see
My reflection is worst than
All my nightmares combined
Many times I look at myself
And just ask
Who do you want to be
Waiting for an answer as
My reflection sits in cold silence
A tear runs down my face
Carving a scar down my soul
Taking away any good feelings
As it gains more mass
The tear gets so heavy that I
Put my head down in shame
What am I
What will I become
Look up at my reflection
Still no answer
Why do I still care
About who I am
It’s not like I will enjoy
What this world has to offer
Entered head first into life
Now drowning in my sorrow
Trying to learn how
To swim through this universe
Something inside tells me
Just keep swimming
You will know who you are
If you make it to the shore

I’m studying volcanism
As I await her response
Two long days
One long guess
I can feel my heart
Beating out my chest
What if she
Wants nothing to do with me
But
What if
…
I can’t even imagine
Any good response
After the pain I caused
Will she still love me
Can she still love me
I will have to wait and see
Until then
I’ll stare at this phone
Awaiting her reply in misery