Letters I'll Never Send

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If you asked me back then if I would still be thinking about you now I would have immediately said no, but here we are. First off, I want to say I’m sorry. You were right, I did lead you on, and that was not fair of me at all. Although I didn’t like how you handled the situation, I brought it on myself. I was looking for everything that was wrong about us and refusing to see what was right. You were the first guy to make me feel as special as I did, and since then nobody has compared. Admittedly, I’m afraid of commitment. Afraid of putting myself out there to get my heart broken. I just wish I opened up back then and followed though with all the plans we made, but back then I just was, more than anything scared. More than anything, I’m sorry I let my friends come in the way. When they weren’t involved we had so much fun together, but I let their opinions of you influence mine. That came back to get me though because, ironically, you’re friends with them now and not me. Now, whenever we run into each other it’s awkward. I can deal with you not being my boyfriend, I’m not sure I even want you to be, but it’s the friendship that was lost that kills me. I hate walking past you downtown and not saying a word or having my friends say hi to you but not me. Mostly, I just regret that I didn’t try. If we had lasted a week, but I put effort in, I would be more satisfied than having the regret of what could’ve been. I’m sorry, and I hope somehow we can go back to being friends.