Letters I'll Never Send

Main menu

We’re pathetic, borderline apathetic. You were my light and my love, but you didn’t value me. Thanks to you, that night, and our last fight, when you let me stay in that place where I felt so alone after I let you know that I needed you, I’ve been doing inventory in my life. First of all, we both showed our hands in that argument. Your sarcastic air and nonchalance were a feeble attempt at protecting yourself from being vulnerable, but instead of a defense it became an offense. You ripped my heart out in front of a hundred strangers in some random city. Everyone noticed. Do you ever realize that when we fight like lovers nobody is fooled by our pretended indifference? Second of all, I never betrayed you. Four years of this love affair which should have been treasured and nourished but instead was hidden and starved have led me to a dark place. I know how much you want to reach out and touch me, take me, and prove to everyone I’m yours. You own and captivate me, but you leave me standing with nobody’s arms to fall back in. You come to me with a hunger that you refuse to satiate, with no thought to my own appetite. Instead you go back to her, every single time, and pour all that is mine into her cup. So that’s why I’m the one walking away. You demonize me for refusing to be faithful to a man who loves me like his wife but puts me in the place of his whore. I’ve never overstepped my boundaries with you, giving you space I know you need, all of my love, and four years of devotion, but now I’m going to walk away. I understand that must sting, but consider all the opportunities you’ve denied for so long to have all of me at your disposal. I deserve better from you, and if you can’t appreciate that as the truth then let me be loved. He’s ready for me to be ready and you’re the only one stopping me from giving myself completely to him. Because I’m in love with you and I always will be, but I’m putting that love in the dark void you created in me. If you wanted me, you would’ve already taken me from here. You would call me as soon as you read this because you know who you are. I won’t throw your name around like you did mine. I’m done writing on here, all these things we both know. I’m done letting the world know how much I need you, as if it makes any difference in the way you treat me.