Posted
by
Soulskill
on Sunday May 18, 2008 @09:19AM
from the bzzt-ow-bzzt-ow-bzzzzzzzt-owwwwwww dept.

An editor for the Telegraph, Roger Highfield, recently volunteered to allow a UK researcher to shut off the speech center of his brain with a high-powered magnetic pulse. Regular speech is controlled by a section of the brain called Broca's area. Once the precise location is determined in the subject, a magnetic pulse can temporarily disrupt speech without impairing other cognitive functions. The link contains a video in which you can watch Highfield stutter and twitch while attempting to recite a nursery rhyme. A later test shows that he's able to sing the rhyme without difficulty, since singing is controlled in a different part of the brain (as you may remember from Scott Adams' speech disorder). Researchers believe that the ability to stimulate or quell activity in specific areas of the brain may help in treating conditions like epilepsy and migraine headaches.

So here I was, speedreading through/., and the scientific suggestion of

"Using Maggots To Turn Off The Brain's Speech Center"

snatched my Sunday morning mind's attention like a zombie. Litereally. So, is there something here I'm missing? Like how does one direct those blood suckers to the speech center of a brain, assuming it's not major surgery to introduce them? And why...? Is DARPA going over to the dark side in the fight against terrorists?

Alas, after 15 second of grimacing and beweilderment I realized my sleep-hazed eyes were misreading.

Dang, I hope I didn't give some royalty fee collection company another bad idea to file a patent for...

You're making the classic engineering mistake: mis-defining the problem.

Disrupting the speech centers of the brain does not preempt attempts at communications. And you need communication; it's just that men, left to themselves, would communicate by passing terse status messages: "I'm hungry"; "I'm angry"; "I'm going to sleep"; "I want sex."

Women send the same status messages, but they seem to gain satisfaction out of the process itself. Therefore they send messages in steganographic form: the basis status messages are there, wrapped all kinds of other data which do not require your immediate action. It pays to pay at least some attention; she may start an "I want sex" status message by telling you that her sister's neighbor's aunt is going in for a gall stone operation.

The wise man knows that he should celebrate the differences between the sexes if he wants to celebrate the difference between the sexes.

Therefore, it is best to cultivate the skill of appearing mildly interested and engaged, making reflexive, non-committal listening responses, and paying just enough attention to pick out any cues that indicate something that requires immediate action. It's a lot like driving, actually. You get that sixth sense for when somebody is going to cut you off, or roll into an intersection without coming to a stop. It's not magic, it's practice.

nope, its because as soon as you start watching the football, she discovers how incredibly boring it is, and turns the the first thing she finds most interesting: how you 'feel'.

Similarly, when you and your wife find yourselves with a spare moment, and she starts to talk about your relationship, you find it incredibly boring and turn to the thing you find most interesting: what's on the TV.

In other news, it was revealed President Bush has been wearing a toupe for years to hide an area of partial baldness. "I love it!" Mr. Bush exclaimed. "I found this great place that uses rare earth magnets to keep 'em on your head. Real convenient like."

I wonder what would happen if the magnetic pulses were applied to more important sections of the brain, such as the area that controls autonomous bodily functions, like the heart. I suppose, if it is capable of knocking out the area of the brain that controls speech, it should be capable of knocking out the section of the brain that controls other, critical bodily functions.

Is it only me, or do you see a potential weapons application for this in the future?

With the proper mastery of magnetism and the human mind, a team could build, in a helmet, an amplifier device that could be used by a trained professional to target individuals precisely, anywhere in the world.I'd call this contraption... "Cerebro".

"I got one to admit it once (a co worker), she said she did it to feel "special" by commandeering the attention of her boyfriend when he was fixated on something else."

And that my friend, is another reason to never get married. She starts pulling shit like that...you kick her to the road and find a new 'model' that won't bother you like that with petty games. If you're not married...you don't lose half your shit either....