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Your Love Won’t Survive a Nuclear Apocalypse, but These Guys Will

Each year, I support wildlife conservation and self love by naming a cockroach after an ex for Valentine’s Day. It’s cathartic, tax-deductible, and includes chocolate! Seeing that all my heartbreakers have been roached already (and my Ryan remains in good standing for the time being), there was only one glaringly obvious choice for the 2018 naming honor. Donald J. Trump. Middle initial and everything.

Here’s what I wrote:

Donald J. Trump
You disgrace the podium & everything this country was made on.
You’re not worth the Cheeto dust this roach trails through.
You won’t reduce me from a 6 figure salary to just a 6 on a good day.

Now that it’s out there, I kind of hear Eminem rapping it in my head.

The Bronx Zoo has been doing this wildlife conservation donation drive for years and I truly love it. With the near-daily threat of nuclear winter, your roach could be the only legacy I leave behind. They offer a few different donation tiers that come with various treats. This year they really pulled out all the stops with the add-ons. The top tier treats include your name certificate, a pin, roach SOCKS, and chocolate roaches. Yes, please!

Seriously, how CUTE are these?? Look at those cocoa creepies! 🐜

If you just want to donate and get a digital certificate, it’s only $15. Of course, you can mix and match the add-ons or buy just one of them. It’s such a cute and creative little Galentine’s Day gift for yourself (or a friend). All for a good cause and your own levity. And chocolate 🍫.