Dark Ride

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When Meadow Soprano met Jason.

By Scott Collura

Dark Ride is another in Lionsgate's "8 Films to Die For: After Dark Horrorfest" package of horror movies, though it's certainly one of the less adventurous outings of the group in terms of story and plot. With its basic mute-serial-killer-versus-horny-teenagers premise, the picture -- which stars The Sopranos' Jamie-Lynn DiScala as the chief would-be victim and likely "final girl" -- feels like it might as well be titled When Meadow Soprano Met Jason, so unoriginal is its story.

And yet, director Craig Singer (who also scripted with Robert Dean Klein) gives the film a real style and mood at times, largely through the use of the titular setting -- a theme park house of horrors in New Jersey that is chockfull of oddities and weirdness (and frankly seems much cooler than any real haunted house ride this writer has ever taken). That locale combined with plenty of visual and technical tricks and directorial sleights of hand at least give Dark Ride some air of watchability, even as the viewer rolls his or her eyes at the silly characterizations and the textbook plot.

The film begins with a prologue set all the way back in 1989 -- ancient history, no doubt, for Dark Ride's target audience. Twin sisters decide to experience the ride, one less enthusiastically than the other, and as the two sit in the cart that coils through the ramshackle (on the outside) but impressive (on the inside) house of horrors, the more adventurous sis teases her sibling about being scared. Then, of course, nasty things happen to both of them before the ride ends, the credits roll, and time flashes forward to the present.

We then join college student Cathy (DiScala, apparently finding the post-Sopranos job market a bit tough) and her pals as they are preparing to leave on a spring break road trip, and Singer and Klein set up the perfunctory character sketches for our group of eventual murder victims. Cathy's friend Liz (Jennifer Tisdale, sister of High School Musical superstar Ashley Tisdale) can't wait to flash her boobs while on vacation, while apparent male lead Steve (David Clayton Rogers) is wondering whether he and Cathy are still getting it on or not. Steve's film school buddy Bill (Patrick Renna, that weird looking kid from The Sandlot all growed up now) is also tagging along, and resident stoner Jim (a wretchedly over-acting Alex Solowitz) is driving the group in his van. A trippy and improbably hot hitchhiker named Jen (Andrea Bogart) is also picked up along the way.

But before even getting out of the state of New Jersey on their way to New Orleans (and presumably with only a limited amount of time for spring break), the kids make the unlikely decision to spend the night in the dark ride of the title, which is due to reopen in a few days after being closed for almost 20 years since those twins were murdered and their deformed, voiceless, child-man killer was apprehended and institutionalized.

The film takes a long time setting up this basic premise, and as a result it takes even longer getting to the nitty-gritty of the killing of the teens -- which, after all, is what audiences are here for. So during this prolonged setup, the filmmakers decide to slip in a flashback to weeks earlier where we see the killer (called Jonah here, but very Jason-esque) being tortured by a pair of cartoonish asylum attendants. This of course sparks Jonah's rage and he escapes in bloody fashion, hence satisfying his and our bloodlust for the time being even while playing awkward havoc with the structure of the film.

Once the killing gets underway proper in the haunted house, things pick up a bit, though illogic often reigns supreme in terms of Jonah's methods, and some of the director's choice of shots is confusing as well from time to time. One almost gets the sense that he didn't have time for certain insert shots and the like; he was too busy getting those stylized and psychedelic takes of Ms. DiScala, no doubt.

Still, it's that stylistic touch that keeps the film afloat when all else fails, and there's a good dose of it in the last half of Dark Ride. That will satisfy some, while the good amount of well done blood and guts, plus a bit of nudity, will keep the true horror fans sated.

But the same old plot, the same old killer, and the same old twist ending (which is so blatantly telegraphed so early on that one can't help but wonder if it's even meant to be a twist ending) all conspire to make Dark Ride a bumpy ride at best. Those looking for their horror in a carnival setting might be better advised to refer instead to Tobe Hooper's The Funhouse for their, ahem, fun.