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Satirical & Poetic Musings Of A Self-Proclaimed Nobel Prize Winner

Just In Time For Christmas, The Atheist/Theist Squirting Ass Toy

Do theists bother you? Do atheists just piss you off to no end? How ’bout agnostics? Does their lack of commitment to either side offend you? If you said “yes” to any of these questions, then we here at The Arm Chair Pontificator have created the perfect toy for you, just in time for Christmas: The Atheist/Theist Squirting Ass Toy!

The Atheist/Theist Squirting Ass Toy, $29.99

Simply fill the large rubber ass, modeled directly from Kim Kardashian’s very own plush derriere, with chocolate milk, and you’ll literally have hours of fun. Here’s how it works. Let’s say you’re a conservative Christian who’s just sick of the disrespect guys like me, The Arm Chair Pontificator, show you. All you have to do is fill your Ass Toy with chocolate milk, come to my office in downtown Manhattan, knock on the door, and blast me with chocolate milk from the Ass Toy when I open it. HILARIOUS! It’s as if you’re carrying around a real ass filled with endless streams of diarrhea for you to squirt on your enemies every time they piss you off. So, for those of you not afraid to have some crude, nasty fun at the expense of people you don’t like anyway, buy The Atheist/Theist Squirting Ass Toy from The Arm Chair Pontificator online shop. It’s only 29.99, that includes shipping, handling(but not too much), and a coupon for a free gallon of chocolate milk from Target. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

Schopenhauer was excellent. I’ll read more of him. He was rather pessimistic, but, I agree with much of what he says. Namely, that “fee will” simply doesn’t exist. I’ve not read Religious Wars but I’ll put it on my to read list.

C’mon man, it ain’t a real ad until you toss in a set of Ginsu knives! Then offer them an Act Now! gimmick for a 2 for the price of one deal (with additional shipping/handling charge) Plus you forgot the easy payment plan! I expect better of you ACP 😉 details man details… I like the squirting ass gift concept though. A thoughtful inventive type might be able to figure out how to use watered down cow shit instead of chocolate milk for an extra kick to the effect…

Look man, you can’t have Ginsu knives and The Squirting Ass together in the same ad. What if people bought both and played with both at the same time? They’d run the risk of puncturing their ass and ruining a perfectly good toy that they would have gotten YEARS of fun out of. There is another product pitch coming up with the 2 fer one sale pitch. The Squirting Ass is one, and the second? Stay tuned.