MIA

I have just found myself in a bit of a dilemma. I have met a stunning looking tall blonde, curves in all the right places and legs that would look good wrapped around my waist. Good personality as well (If that counts for anything in the sex department)

Itâs not gone anywhere yet. I know she fancies me as she has said so to one of my friends. Whereâs the problem you ask?

The problem is she has a wonky eye. Well two of them in fact, I canât work out if I should look at the eye that looks at my ear or the one that seems to stare redundantly at the light fitting.

When she laughs the really wonky eye seems to bob up and down in a rather disturbing manner while the other one seems to switch from side to side rather like she is watching a game of tennis and a trampoline championship at the same time.

I find this somewhat difficult to deal with. I want to laugh and point, but that would be just cruel and I would find it very off putting when playing hide the sausage if her eyes started rolling around. Especially if one *did* start rolling around after firing out of her eye socket and landing on the floor.

And thatâs the rub, she might have a glass eye? I need to have a good stare at her mince pies to see if this is the case, but I am afraid it might cause a bit of a bad scene.
I would love to have a fiddle with her clowns pocket, but the eyes just seem to be a real downer.

LE

I think this problem goes back to your childhood. Did you ever get sexually aroused watching the Cylons on Battlestar Galactica? If, however, the object of your desire does have a glass eye, imagine the pleasure of getting rimmed by her while you're slamming it back and forth in her eye socket. A word of warning though, gently does it as grey matter is a b@stard to comb out of your pubic hair.

OK i will keep an eye out for that useful sexual technique. Good drills.
I will get the camera ready, I won't ask her to line it up though and set the timer. We will get a picture of the bedside table. A wonkey one at that.

MIA

I think this problem goes back to your childhood. Did you ever get sexually aroused watching the Cylons on Battlestar Galactica? If, however, the object of your desire does have a glass eye, imagine the pleasure of getting rimmed by her while you're slamming it back and forth in her eye socket. A word of warning though, gently does it as grey matter is a b@stard to comb out of your pubic hair.

No but close, one of the girls at my school all those years back had the same sort of problem with her eyeballs. She used to wear really thick glasses that used to make the squiffy eye look twice the size. She was a real flubberpotamus as well with lank hair and smelly breath. I got tied to her in a one legged race once at a school sports day. This vision sort of sits in my mind, perhaps I am traumatized by this and I should sue the government.

MIA

I had no choice, when the whistle went she was off like an angry hippo on speed. I was along for the ride, like it or not - being dragged most of the way. I think they were waving ballons and ice cream at her - that must have been the only way they could get her moving. Though I did feel slightly aroused when she accidently sat on me after tripping over. Think she grew up to drink from the furry cup and wear dungarees, now lives in Brighton.

I had no choice, when the whistle went she was off like an angry hippo on speed. I was along for the ride, like it or not - being dragged most of the way. I think they were waving ballons and ice cream at her - that must have been the only way they could get her moving. Though I did feel slightly aroused when she accidently sat on me after tripping over. Think she grew up to drink from the furry cup and wear dungarees, now lives in Brighton.

I am told that she was so scarred by the incident that she can only achieve orgasm if her partner ties her by one leg to a lamp post and flogs her with a running shoe while screaming "Run you fcuking mong slag"

LE

LE

Tenderly apply a lump hammer to the back of the bonce and see if they straighten out. Even if they don't, she'll probably fall asleep for some reason which gives you enough time to do the deed, wipe one's thrid leg on the soft furnishings and depart. Take the hammer with you, fingerprints are a bugger of a thing.