Listen in as co-host Spunky Destructor and the Outlaw discuss Hollywood’s latest mover and shaker, San Andreas, starring Dwayne Johnson. Find out if we thought it to be an epic disaster movie or just a plain disaster. Plus, find out why the Outlaw is in love, yet again.

Look out Scarlett Johansson. Step aside Jennifer Lawrence. There is a new starlet in town the Outlaw will now be attempting to propose marriage to, and she goes by the name of Alexandra Daddario.

I’m sure many of your eyebrows just carved permanent arches into your foreheads as you simultaneously shouted, “Who the hell is that?”

The biggest blue eyes I’ve ever laid my standard brown eyes on.

Playing the part of Blake, this baby-blue-eyed stunner is one of the stars of the recently released earthquake flick, San Andreas. The summer blockbuster also stars a cargo plane-sized hulk of muscle tissue with zero percent body fat, also known in many circles as Dwayne Johnson (Ray).

If action figures were real.

Based in Southern California – home of the tremor and land of the beautiful people – Hollywood’s latest disaster film incorporates both of the aforementioned qualities of the southland, especially the latter with Ms. Daddario (at least I hope it’s still Ms. as of this posting).

With the inclusion of Carla Gugino(Emma) playing Blake’s mother and a few other beautifully well-endowed co-stars, the fault lines weren’t the only things shaking wildly on screen. Truth be told, it was the action-packed and rather titillating trailer that brought me on board to see the film opening weekend, regardless of the fact that Spunky Destructor had been trying to twist both of my arms into going with her to view the movie ever since she heard the flick went into pre-production a few years back.

If the survivors of natural disasters really dressed like this, I’d put myself in more perilous situations.

Now before female readers thumb tack me to the cross, at least listen to the actual podcast where I further dig myself into a larger feminist hole with a non-stop parade of top-heavy innuendos. I kid you not when I say I’m patiently sitting by the phone awaiting a formal call from NOW to inform me about the laundry list of lawsuits being bestowed upon Geek Outlaw. Luckily, the only thing they can take is my dignity, and even that is barely worth pennies on the dollar.

I also take some comfort in knowing that my obsessive focus on the buxom beauties of San Andreas isn’t entirely due to my heightened state of testosterone as Spunky Destructor herself made several comments during the movie at the prominence of female parts shaking on screen. Granted, most of those comments were instructing me to calm down before I was even able to respond – or grunt – my appreciation. To prove I’m an equal opportunity pervert, it is with no shame I share that Dwayne Johnson’s massive rocks were equally mesmerizing the Outlaw’s eyes… not that there’s anything wrong with that.

I’m fairly certain each of those dumbbells is roughly the same size as the Florida peninsula.

Pectoral jokes aside, the popcorn flick didn’t fail to entertain. The pacing was fairly swift and, more importantly, the effects were top notch, if not incredible. The sequences of destruction and damaged sets were so convincing, I actually started planning my relocation from the fault-ridden terrain of California mid-runtime.

They just don’t build them like they used to.

Nothing a little duct tape can’t fix.

That brings to mind one of the more cringe-inducing scenes of the film in which the actor formerly known as a geological formation proclaims they “will rebuild” the crumb-like leftovers of the west coast. If I survived a cataclysmic planetary event that wiped out an entire state’s worth of infrastructure and population, I guarantee you I would not be volunteering my services to reconstruct an entire civilization in the same locale Mother Nature just violently shook the ground in much the same way a bored 6 year-old shakes an ant-farm.

Silly me, and to think I forgot to wear my wind breaker.

Honestly, there’s nothing on the face of the earth that could possibly persuade me to set up shop again in a place just ravaged by a 10.0 quake. Well, maybe outside of Alexandra Daddario saying yes to my marriage proposal. In that case, just tell me on which fault line to start pouring our new home’s foundation.

Remind me to buy stock in denim… immediately!

Listen in as co-host Spunky Destructor and the Outlaw discuss Hollywood’s latest mover and shaker, San Andreas, starring Dwayne Johnson. Find out if we thought it to be an epic disaster movie or just a plain disaster. Plus find out why the Outlaw is in love, yet again.