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Barcelona terror attack: Spain hunts for van driver

Barcelona terror attack: Spain hunts for van driver

Spain mounts a sweeping anti-terror operation after a suspected Islamist militant drove a van into crowds in Barcelona, killing 13 people before fleeing, in what police suspect was one of multiple planned attacks.

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Barcelona Terror attack: Aussies injured

Barcelona Terror attack: Aussies injured

Foreign Minister Julie Bishop has confirmed three Australians have been hurt when a van mowed people down in a popular tourist spot, killing more than a dozen people and injuring around one hundred more.

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A. During pregnancy- Download the "yes dear" escape comeback voice app. "It's all your fault I'm feeling like a whale and vomiting on your limousine carpet!" Yes dear. "Your rotten family treats me like some sort of breeding machine." Yes dear. "Get me a Toblerone, one of those 15kg ones." Yes dear.- Know that you, being a useless man who is only good for one thing (and you’re not very good at that in any case, and look what problems it caused you), are always wrong.

B. At the birth- Pat her hair gently, right there, just where she says ... oooohh ... NO! NOT THERE, DON’T EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN!- Do NOT breathe her air.- Yes, that is a human being and it's yours and it will stop crying. At some stage. And if another one pops out too, God help you.

C. Raising the kid/s- You need right proper names like Becks +/or Posh.- A parental name tag is also a must, lest you forever be known as Becks' +/or Posh’s dad.- Practise your deck quoits and keep a cloth nappy on hand while changing Becks on a cold day. - Never blow your nose on or clean your glasses with a cloth nappy.- Learn a bevvy of lies to justify Santa and the Tooth Fairy. “Of course they’re real, because the Easter Bunny told me!”- Learn dad jokes. Start with: My dog/cat/brother/reindeer has no nose. How does he smell? Terrible. - Lullaby repertoire: The standard Train Whistle Blowing (Morningtown Ride) may be nice and all to mark the 50th anniversary of The Seekers but if you really want to bore the kid into unconsciousness, it’s True Blue by John Williamson.- Pram envy: Having proved your manhood, now turn your attention to having a bigger/better/more long lasting stroller than that smartypants sensitive new age man at play group.