After last week’s post about how to carve a turkey, I’ve received thousands of messages from people who all worry about the same thing: “How can I up my Thanksgiving game if I’m just a guest and not the carver?”

Fear not, innumerable inquirers. I have been freeloading off friends and family for decades, so I know all the insider tips you can follow to be a rock star guest at Thanksgiving dinner.

Arrive early. Restaurants like to have a “soft opening” to work out the kinks and your hosts are no different. Show up 45 minutes before the official starting time with a list of your dietary needs so they can hone their food-service skills before the other guests arrive.

If you’ve been asked to bring an appetizer or a side dish, remember that freshness is key. Simply bring the ingredients in a paper bag, grab some space on their counter and whip up an al fresco treat.

Be generous with your time by greeting all the other guests and showing a personal interest in each one. Ask Cousin Edna if she is pregnant again or if she merely discovered a great new IPA. Compliment nephew Theodore on his new braces and offer him the choice of being called either Fence Face or Tinsel Teeth for the next three years.

Keep the conversation going before dinner and make sure everyone gets a chance to take part. After all your siblings and cousins arrive, for example, ask Grandma if you can have her jewelry when she dies.

Help your hosts with the final steps in food preparation by opening the oven and adding some “secret spices” to the turkey. Be imaginative here to avoid the same old "turkey" flavor.

As soon as the main course is on the table, share that funny video with the turkey in the wood chipper. Humor brings people so much closer together, as you know.

Help keep your older relatives engaged in the conversation. Remember to ask Gramps what he thinks about those people who moved in down the street. If he isn’t aware of any, fill in the blanks for him.

It's important to remember the reason for the holiday, so ask each person at the table to share a thought about what makes them thankful this year. When it’s your turn, just look skyward and say Donald Trump (or Nancy Pelosi), and sigh. Everyone will have so much fun in the joyous conversation that follows.

If you’ve been asked to bring a dessert, nothing says holiday like leftover Halloween candy. Who doesn’t love candy corn and Mary Janes?

Your hosts want to know that you really enjoyed their food, so be sure to bring a cooler and several plastic containers for the leftovers you’ll be taking home with you. Leave nothing behind, because that might suggest they failed as hosts and you absolutely don’t want to hurt their feelings.

These tips are guaranteed to make you the most talked-about guest at Thanksgiving this year, and possibly for all time. Even better, you’ll be meeting great people in 2019 and beyond as your hosts find new places for you to be the best guest ever.

And, really, isn’t that what Thanksgiving is all about?

Of course, I would be really thankful if you share this post on social media or email, and especially if you honor me by subscribing to our weekly musings at dadwrites.com. Just click here.

I notice that you also have no invitation for me for your Thanksgiving feast. Clearly, you realize that I was so spectacular the last time I visited that there is no way to top that meal.

Reply

David Brimm

11/21/2018 11:10:53 am

I think you and Martha Stewart should team up.

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Dadwrites oozes from the warped mind of Michael Rosenbaum, an award-winning author who spends most of his time these days as a start-up business mentor, book coach, photographer and, mostly, a grandfather. All views are his alone, largely due to the fact that he can’t find anyone who agrees with him.