The family of Dylan Cox has been on my mind a lot this past week.
Dylan is the 17-year-old Amor, Minn., teen who last Monday night killed Tabitha Belmonte, his 16-year-old girlfriend and mother of his 7-month-old child. Dylan then turned the gun on himself.Continue Reading

54 Comments

Perhaps you will consider what you print as ‘news’ in the future and perhaps your staff will one day understand that facebook, in many ways, is no different than scribbling on a bathroom wall. It ranks right up there with using wikipedia as a legit source of information. Case in point this is listed under information about Moorhead and is a quote from wikipedia, “Their high school mascot is the “Spud” named after the first mayor of Moorhead, which was a potato.”

This was a needed editorial, especially considering what was printed earlier in the week and the sources cited.

Every single edit on Wikipedia is reviewed by their massive (and highly educated) panel of volunteer editors.

While that edit may make the page for a bit, it will be removed when an editor finally gets to that ticket and reviews the page.

Short term, nonsense, edits are part of a Wiki, what makes Wikipedia better than the average Wiki is the gigantic community that keeps it clean.

On Topic: I think The Forum did the right thing by mentioning Dylan’s Facebook page. Like it or not, teens and young adults are expressing themselves through these sites. If my child mentioned some of the things Dylan did on their Facebook page, you can bet it’d be time for a “sit down.” I don’t think being interested/fascinated by Manson or Anton LaVey means somebody is going to do something bad, but its certainly something to speak with your child about.

ps. It looks like the Wiki edit you spoke of is already gone. So there you go. Review ftw.

Is this satire? LOL. every single sentence you take a shot at the kid and call him stupid, or say he was selfish or that he made a horribly bad decision for his family and that he was linked to charles manson, the list goes on. even in the last few lines you still are taking shots at the kid. Not only that, but then you write this article, and reveal the private talk you had with the parents whom no doubt were out of their minds, god I’ll bet you just couldn’t wait to get this written up and out there. I’m sure the family will love and appreciate the way you wrote this, as you did with them respectfully and thoughtfully in mind right? Yeah. lol. Then you cherry top it off with saying they need our love more than ever now, yeah and we’ll start with this article as a spring board! hahahaha. good tongue into cheek shot there.

you’re such a tool. if you wanna go to bat for the family then do it. but not like this. your true colors are still there, and you’ll gladly exploit a grieving father and grandfather if it gets you an easy and well attention-whored article. such a scumbag – but everyone that reads this paper already knows that. anyone with class, integrity and respect never would have mentioned the visit. because to remind others of a grieving family, all it requires is just that – a kind hearted reminder that there are families on both sides. mentioning visits, fathers walking out, ad nauseum personal judgments on the kid, and family details are alllllllllllllllll not needed one bit for what you’re asking people do.

get in a car accident you waste. plenty of people will say prayers for the boy’s family, and they already have done so, and will continue to do so all without your tasteless comments and irrelevant details. preferably when you’re not wearing a seat belt.

This is an absolutely horrible situation, my thoughts and prayers are with both families and especially that little girl who is going to grow up and never know her parents. I don’t know anything about Dylan or his family, but teens being teens don’t list stuff like Charles Manson and the Founder of The Church of Satan as “people who inspire”, along with references to suicide on their Facebook just because. Dylan probably was a good kid but he went down a dark path when he took the life of the mother of his child and his own. All that is left now are unanswered questions about the lives that were lost and a custody battle between two grieveing families. I hope they can get to a positive outcome for both families so they can start the healing process from this terrible situation.

This was a well written article. Both families need the support now. Nobody knows or probably will every know what went on behind the closed doors of the couples relationship. It does point out how the publics desire to know sometimes leads to a rush to judgement.

Very well written. I wish that more people could show empathy to the families and friends. Dylan made a terrible decision that cannot be taken back. However that was his decision. That does not take away the love or loss that his friends and family have experienced. Do Dylans friends deserve less understanding and support than Tabithas. It is a fine line as we do not want to encourage this – but we do need to sure not to lose track of those who are left behind. His friends and family need everyones support also.

the inform has been trying to have these murder/suicide stories of the week open to areavoices but twice closed them after objections – NOW do the same with this AND CLOSE IT!!! does the forum get OFF on this????

Thank you for publishing this article… It needed to be said. I’m praying the healing may begin for the families. It isn’t our place to judge, or even to understand what happened. Leave that, and all to God.

We don’t know the whole story. Has anybody wondered why they lived in the same house, but went to school in differenet cities? Why was Tabby living with them, where was her family, and why were they unable to care for her? The Cox family took Tabby in and she was part of their family. They lost two family members that night.

This family has gone through every parent’s worst nightmare. People need to remember that no matter what Dylan did he was someone’s son, grandson, brother, cousin, friend…..he was the world for some.
As I sat through his funeral yesterday it was difficult to grasp what his poor family is going through right now. Watching his poor parents and sister was quite painful. He had so much life to live, and it has been cut short. The church was packed with people young and old. This child was loved, and still is loved. He will be remembered fondly, in spite of his actions. His family is well aware of what they have lost, and what it means for their future. They know what he did was wrong, but right now they are mourning the loss of their only son. Dylan is with the Lord, of this I am sure. I encourage people to be kind and try to put yourself in the Cox’s shoes. Let’s show this family the better side of humanity.

This is horribly sad. I can’t imagine what any of the parents, friends are going thru. But this boy murdered his girlfriend. And as far as facebook goes, when are kids and adults going to learn, that you should be careful about what you post, sometimes it will bite you in the rear.

I think everybody kind of remembers the first statement the Cox family put out. They tell of how Dylan is such a kind and good person and they don’t say much about Tabitha other than she came from a broken home. Then they have Susan Vitalis say that facebook is just a social network and isn’t how a person is. Facebook is and has been proven to be an insight and pulse of a person. Dylan Klabo of the Columbine shootings and Dahlmer of the Wisconson murders both idolized or had clipping of Charlie Manson. Good people DON’T have Charles Manson on their facebook site and they certainly don’t shoot their girlfriend multible times! Tabitha came from a broken home and moved into a home where she was murdered. Where would you rather live? I think everyone would have been more empathetic toward the Cox familly had they issued a statement or letter to Tabitha’s family saying how sorry they are for the actions of their son. It just seemed a bit cold at the time.

don’t start trying to analyze their statements – they are a family in grief who were trying to represent a different side of their son than what they felt the media had portrayed. leave it alone – we don’t need to know if he was on medication, or why he had certain references on his Facebook page . If you are over the age of 40 and had to go back and explain why you said or did things at age 17, why you wrote something, listened to a certain kind of music – could you get yourself into a 17 year old mindset and explain? My heart breaks for everyone involved in this tragedy. Let them grieve.

What an uninformed comment. Why should all young ladies carry weapons? Statistically, the demographic with the most violent crimes per capita are young black males. I can almost bet that you don’t want them “armed to the teeth”.

But Mr. Brendan you must not have been following the chats on this site about gun carrying. Gun zealots want all the good people armed to protect themselves and and want you to be able to take your gun even into someone else’s home. It makes not difference if young blacks kill each other. This is North Dakota and most people murdered here are white people killed by white people. So the predominant murderer in ND is white and white people, including young girls, need to pack to protect themselves.

Cathy and Darrin are friends and wonderful people … they deserve our love and compassion. The Forum’s reporting was sloppy and these wonderful people deserve an actual apology … how sad Editor Von Pinnon couldn’t bring himself to that.

Facebook should not be considered a legitimate source for information in a professional newspaper. Many Facebook account owners do not update their personal information very often, so it is unfair to use that information, especially in an article like this.

Using this information in the articles about Cox painted a picture of him that I believe is very different from what in reality was a good kid who was in need of help he didn’t think he could get.

In the future, I hope The Forum will refrain from using Facebook for information and instead go back to using good old-fashioned sources. Let’s not be lazy in reporting, especially when writing about such a delicate, dramatic event. The Forum should strive for the most credible of sources in its journalism.

Would it have been so difficult to interview Cox’s father for the article instead of forcing him to come into the office to tell his side of the story? Shame on you, Forum.

panrrel wrote: “Would it have been so difficult to interview Cox’s father for the article…?”

Maybe not difficult, but certainly inappropriate. The family asked Susan Vitalis to be their spokesperson, so they did not need to talk to reporters. The Forum respected the family’s wishes and interviewed Vitalis.

Yes, good point. I did not think of that. However, I still maintain my point that The Forum did not respect their wishes by using Facebook as a main source… I highly doubt Vitalis pointed The Forum to Cox’s Facebook for additional information.

There is clearly a lack of respect shown when Cox’s father felt the need to come into The Forum’s office and clear some things up despite having a family spokesperson.

I agree. My cousins were murdered this summer. The Forum, local Fox news, and The Star Tribune all used Facebook and My Space as their main sources of information (along with getting many facts of the case wrong as well). Social networking should NOT be used as a news source. It almost felt like a violation of their privacy.

Von Pinnon’s commentary was well written and thoughtful. He acknowledges Dylan’s errors honestly, without heaping derision on Dylan or his family.

As far as the comments on Dylan’s Facebook page, they were unfortunate and I don’t believe they reflected his character… but they were ostensibly his own comments about himself. They were not in his private journal or in his medical records. Assuming that his Facebook page was not hacked – and there has been nothing to indicate that occurred – they were apparently Dylan’s own words about himself posted in a very public place. They might have been a cry for help. The Forum did the right thing by reporting the full story – not just the sanitized, simplified version.

Rather than being an indictment of Dylan, the information published in the Forum should be a reminder that supporting young people is a responsibility that the entire community should take seriously.

I agree with those that say do not use facebook as a reliable source. Anyone with a bit of knowledge can sidejack the accounts simply by sitting in the open wifi mall. Then how is the reporter going to verify that the actual owner put the material online. Facebook and other sites should never ever be used as a source for good reporters. It might be a source to start investigating but never a source to use in print.

I think the media is put in the position of reporting a story in “real time”..and a public that wants everything. There are those that want every gory detail, and those that don’t feel that need to know. I’ve wondered about the Facebooks references in several stories, but I do note the Forum always make is clear when the person’s Facebook site is their reference. Do you note in one of these posts someone asks if Dylan was on medication? At this point, do we need to know that, or is it just idle curosity. I have nothing on my Facebook page I wouldn’t be comfortable with the world seeing – however, there are probably millions of people out there in which a bit of information here and there taken from their page might represent a picture of them they would not be comfortable with. There isn’t going to be any happy ending to this story. I don’t envy the media trying to please the majority of the people, especially in light of a public which seems to want to know everything but also love to be armchair quarterbacks. I hope in the future thereporters and editors will try a little harder to put themselves on the other side of the story, and then write the story.

from friends at the funeral yesterday, Mr Cox sounded like a genuine great man with a troubled youth. It happens and he said they had him in counseling, he was raising a baby, he was trying to go back to high school and some things are just un-explainable.

I agree, Its been a sad week up in perham area, and they win the basketball championship, now people can focus on the future I hope.

very nice of von pinnon to write this article, but when I was reading about the facebook postings i thought to msyelf. So when I was at the Marilyn Manson concert a few years back in minneapolis, were all 23,000 teenages potential murderers? NO, no they were not, you cant lean on that excuse media.

I posted earlier and asked if Dylan was on Dr. prescribed drugs and my post is hidden because a number of people didn’t like my question.

Let me explain…every school shooter was on Dr. prescribed drugs. These drugs side effects are well known. In fact, a few years ago a man in Grand Forks was found not guilty of shooting his sleeping infant child because he was on these types of drugs.

Commonly prescribed drugs, including Ritalin and Concerta for ADHD, and Prozac, Paxil and Zoloft for depression, have linked psychiatric side effects, including visual hallucinations, suicidal ideation, aggression and violent behavior.

In 2005, the FDA added warning labels to ADHD drugs belonging to the methylphenidate class because of concerns of Antidepressants known as SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) have also been linked to suicide and violent behavior, particularly in children.

Some of the most well-known and tragic incidents involved 18-year-old Eric Harris who was one of the Columbine High School shooters in 1999. Harris was taking antidepressants at the time of the shootings.

Other children, too, have committed violent crimes while taking these drugs. These include:
Kip Kinkel, 15, who killed his parents and two classmates and wounded 22 others while on Prozac.
Elizabeth Bush, 14, who wounded a classmate at Bishop Neumann High School in Williamsport, Pa. while taking antidepressants.
Jason Hoffman, 18, who wounded a teacher and three students at Granite Hills High School in El Cajon, Calif. while taking Effexor and Celexa.

Von Pinnon do a story on this. Maybe we can avoid future tragedies like this one.

The conspiracy theory about anti-depressants and violent behavior is poorly reasoned, unscientific and groundless.

1) Of course people who do these awful things are on psychotropic drugs – they are people with emotional problems! That’s like saying, “People who undergo chemo therapy later die of cancer.” Of course they do, they were on the chemo BECAUSE they had a cancer to begin with.
2) The use of psychotropic drugs is so common, that it’s not surprising to find that a lot of people who commit such acts take these meds.
3) You offer no comparison to control groups. Can you show that among mentally ill people who are NOT on psychotropic drugs suicides and violence occur less frequently? That would be necessary to prove your claim.
4) Correlation is not causation. You are using the same flawed argument that Carmen Elektra used to try to discredit childhood vaccinations. She tried to argue that lots of kids are diagnosed with autism after they received immunizations. Of course they were – because MOST children received immunizations. That’s like saying, lots of kids were diagnosed with autism after breast-feeding or wearing diapers. (Which is true, but meaningless.)
4b) Incidentally, you are using the same [poor] reasoning as the guy who periodically writes letters to the editor claiming that the Space Shuttle causes hurricanes.
5) You cite a handful of specific cases. This is common among those who don’t understand medicine or science. It’s easy to cherry-pick cases that prove a specific point. I can just as easily find 1,000 people who are on these meds who have never committed violent acts. Any meaningful proof of your point must be from a scientific study conducted across a large population of people who use certain medications AND those who don’t.

Of course it is correct to ask and wonder if Dylan was on prescription medication … even the warnings of side effects of some of these meds can be chilling.

Dylan’s parents would have found a whole different attitude had Dylan chosen to end his own life. That would have been truly tragic, in it’s self. But Dylan also choose to take out Tabby, and with some vengeance, pumping “multiple” shots into her head ……. with an “semi automatic weapon”.

Surely his parents are grief sticken, beyond words, but to have come out and say that Dylan was such a good boy … perhaps in retrospect, it might have been better to say that their son was, obviously, very ill and made a horrible, tragic choice … one that will be hard for them to live with the rest of their lives.

And then, I am sorry, but the very worst statement was that they would NOT give up Emma. That, to me, smacks like the Kennedy G. case — my kid killed her mother but WE are keeping her. Emma is not a piece of property where possession is 9/10th of the law … Yes, I know how upset they must have been, and I am understanding of that, but they also need to understand just how awful that sounded, and what a total disregard to Tabby’s family that is.

This is clearly why children should be just children, and not “play adult games”. Tabby was just 15 when she became pregnant … and Dylan 16. These are children!! Obviously, not yet able to handle raising a child, even with the support that they received, not only from parents but apparently at least Tabby also received councelling from school. At least Dylan was not ready … we do not know if Tabby was or was not, and we never will. Apparently everything was provided for this young family, room, board, transportation, child care, etc. etc. It is hard to imagine what it was that they were fighting about, that night that enraged Dylan so violently that he snapped.

But he did. And now the Grandparents ALL need to “man up” and learn to share the love of Emma with all her relatives. And I pray that they have the strength to do so. It is a shame that her father did not think of HER before he snapped, but he didn’t.

Criscarter wrote..are 23,000 marilyn manson concert goers potential murderers? There is a huge difference between marilyn manson and charles manson. Charles manson is pure evil. He has a swazticca tattoo on his forehead. Itmatters asked if you could explain your actions at 17? I am over forty and some thousand of my friends and we can all explain our actions at 17. It is called accountability! Now as far as facebook… you have got to be living in a cave if you don’t think that facebook is a window into a persons life. If your child had charles manson on their facebook site wouldn’t you intervene? Of course you would. I think this whole thing could have been downplayed a bit had the Cox family simply sent a letter saying how remorseful and sorry they are that their son murdered Tabitha. Instead the statement they put out was al aboutl their son with little mention about Tabitha other then we took her in because she came from a troubled house. It just came off as coldhearted.

William – thanks for your explanation on the ? about Dylan being on prescribed drugs. I took the question with a different train of thought. Again, I look at their letter as a means of defense for their son. The media full full of stories about Tabby, so my impression is they just wanted to describe their son other than what the Forum had printed. I didn’t read it as making Tabby insignificant in their lives. And as for accountability Rick – I may have had written in a journal at 17 that I hated a teacher, or my parents, or a friend for some (now) insigificant issue – or I wish a old boyfriend would get hit by a train. I don’t take accountability for those statements today, becuase I probably forgot about it by the next day. However – Facebook creates a forever type of journal in which people can go back and look at those kind of statements of a young person, and try to interpret it into something it isn’t…..this isn’t exactly the same as Charles Manson, etc…but that is the point I was trying to make. Not saying a 17 isn’t accountable for their actions.

Actually, facebook does not create a forever kind of journal. Yes facebook administrators can go back and retrieve things if they need to. But you can always delete an comment from your facebook page. I have put things on facebook that the next morning I decided did not really represent me well but just the fleeting moment and so have deleted the comment.

By the way Art, the story says “…Good kids sometimes make stupid, irreversible decisions…” You, and I quote, wrote “…LOL. every single sentence you take a shot at the kid and call him stupid,…” I’m sorry, you were trying to correct me, please continue.

Read the inserts that come with these drugs. Here is just one at random.

WARNING

SUICIDALITY AND ANTIDEPRESSANT DRUGS

Antidepressants increased the risk compared to placebo of suicidal thinking and behavior (suicidality) in children, adolescents, and young adults in short-term studies of Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) and other psychiatric disorders. Anyone considering the use of PROZAC or any other antidepressant in a child, adolescent, or young adult must balance this risk with the clinical need.

My point in bringing this up is there needs to be discussions and debates on this and not swept under the rug as it appears you are willing to do.

My young adult son has some weird stuff on his FB page too….some of it is for “shock” factor and some of it is his weird sense of humor. Definitely should not be considered as a reliable source for truly understanding a person and what makes him tick. When I voice my concerns to him he laughs it off as he doesn’t even consider FB as anything other than entertainment. When I read about this young man’s FB I cringed thinking about how some might unfairly perceive my son if they saw his page.

Clearly you’ve spoken to your young adult son about said things so you know that they are in “jest.” This is EXACTLY how it should go.

The problem is, we don’t know this about Dylan. Maybe it was entertainment, maybe it was fun, maybe he was just trying to be ‘edgy,’ frankly we’ll never know. And I suppose we’ll never know if his parents actually spoke to him about it or if they just assumed he was ‘joking around.” (or if they even knew about his FB profile in the first place).

But to completely ignore it is foolish and , in my mind, poor reporting. As long as you preface it with “This was found on his Facebook profile” I really don’t see how an educated reader can have an issue with it.