Onko Enterprises is dedicated to creating the finest in zombie protection
for a full range of uses. Thus, in addition to our standard residential
detection device, we also produce zombie detection devices to fit the needs
of all users. Each product incorporates the patented cyclo-kinetic
energy radiation server found in the standard residential model.

THE STANDARD

(Model 240za)

The
"Standard" is the top of the Zombie Alert line
because it sets the standard for all zombie protection devices. Designed
for home and office use, the standard Zombie Alert will serve the needs of
ninety-five percent of users. The Standard
uses the patented cyclo-kinetic energy radiation server which will
detect zombie presence up to 1700 yards away. The inner workings are
surrounded by a ventilated case made of space age polymer (the same kind
used in the Space Shuttle) which will resist peeling and cracking for many
years. Powered by a simple nine volt battery, Zombie alert attaches
easily to any wall or ceiling and will provide years of reliable service
no matter how many zombie attacks occur. The
Standard can be yours for only three very reasonable
payments of $39.95 (plus taxes, shipping and handling).

THE INDUSTRIAL

(Model 280za)

The
"Industrial" is the Zombie Alert for the user
with a special need to protect large areas. It has a boosted sensing
power that detects zombie presence up to ONE
MILE away. In addition, it has an extra powerful siren capable
of being heard in the far corners of a corn field or over the din of industrial
machinery. No longer will you have to abandon playing children or half
deaf old folks simply because they have strayed a few blocks from home.
The siren is so loud that its sound carries just as far as its zombie
sensing protection. For the farmer, commune or religious cult the small extra
cost pays big advantages in zombie protection. The
Industrial can be purchase for just four easy
payments of $69.95 (plus shipping, handling, insurance, taxes and import
duties).

THE PERSONAL PROTECTOR

(Model 240rolx)

The
Personal Protector was built for those who want
a full time personal edge in case of zombie attack. Through the miracle
of micro-technology Onko has managed to shrink the patented cyclo-kinetic
energy radiation server into a hermetically sealed mini-case that can be
worn easily on a man or woman's wrist. The personal version can be
set to either emit a subtle but unmistakable alarm or cause a mild vibration
on the wrist. This enables the wearer to be warned of zombie attack while
at a movie or drinking down at the tavern without arousing the suspicions
of those around him. When zombies attack the wearer can slip out
of the area to get his guns and board up his house while those with
who stay become tasty morsels for and a crucial delay to the living dead.
The Personal Protector also makes a wonderful
conversation piece--the perfect ice breaker for those who have not only become
committed to zombie protection but have elected to make extra money with
a Zombie Alert Franchise.
The Personal Protector
can be yours for just five easy payments of $79.95 (Plus tax, postage, shipping,
handling, insurance, border bribery, dowry, and other international fees).

THE MOBILE

(Model 666)

The
Mobile is for those who want to combine the
advantages of the Standard and the
Personal Protector to provide zombie detection
at home as well as on the move. The ultra-durable Mobile
attaches to your automobile like a standard locking hubcap. It
includes the extra powerful siren used in the Industrial as well as enhanced
zombie sensing power for high speed travel. It attaches easily to cars,
military vehicles, RVs, motorcycles or mini-vans. It makes your vehicle
your first line of defense against the living dead. Whether at the
mall or just at home with your car in the garage you can have the confidence
of knowing you are your loved ones are protected. The
Mobile is yours for six easy paments of $89.95
(Plus postage, UPS fees, FedX costs, taxes, duties, handling, storage, insurance,
dowry, and closing costs).

ORDER NOW

And as always with Zombie alert you get the

$1,000,000 guarantee

Should Zombie Alert fail to operate in a documented
Zombie attack Onko Enterprises will pay the above sum to the owner of the
failed product.

Please bookmark this page for further developments in zombie detection
and other fine products from Onko. Our scientists are currently hard
at work on the Onko "All Natural Home Cloning Kit"-- Cloning the way grandma used to do it. Available soon from
Onko.