It chaps my ass!

My only ONLY complaint with this very funny piece is that it fully raises one of my biggest pet peeves, the term “assless/buttless chaps.” Guize, srsly, chaps are, by DEFINITION, without fabric covering the ass & crotch area. That’s what essentially makes chaps chaps. Think about it, have you ever in your life seen a pair of chaps that covered up the ass area? No, you haven’t, because those are called “pants”, or, if you wanna be a stickler, “crotchless pants”, because chaps are open to the crotch as well. And if both crotch and ass are covered, the garment = pants. So, pants – crotch and ass covering = chaps, no? So, why the fuck is it so common for people to feel the need to say that chaps are “assless”? I don’t get it.

We need to retire the term “assless chaps” and fwd it the the Department of Redundancy Department once and for all, before I start slapping bitches. Suggestions for naming the act of wearing chaps with no pants beneath, only undies beneath, or nothing beneath include:

Stand-Alone Chaps
Chanties
Chundergarments
The Chunnel (“I see London, I see France”, get it?)
the French Quarter Special
South Beach Surprise
Miami Tuxedo
Save a Horse, Ride a Cliche’

@AYL: That’s me on my bike at last year’s es-ki-mo family reunion (that year’s theme: “Show us yr asses!”). BDJ begged me to let her use it, and I said “fine, but only if you blur out my face and my license plate.” Cuz I need to protect my secret identity and all.

Barebacks? Chapped Asses? Man, y’all are too damn clever. Scantaloons and Easy Pees killed me. I was reaching for something to work with “bottomless” (bottomless pit led me to Loch Ness, which is allegedly bottlomless, which led me to monsters) and by then I had lost the plot completely.