THE NEW YORKER FOR. TUNE-S OF WAR. I FOUND my nephew Peter, sItting hunched up in a fairly commodious soap box, lookIng cramped but contented. His gaze was fixed straight ahead, but from time to time he made vague, impressive gestures and glanced over the side of the box with apparent anxiety, uttering a low, humming sound. "Look out!" he said. "You're step- ping on the wing of my airplane." I drew back hastily, feeling that the room had become a little congest- ed. "You're still stepping on it," he ob- served coldly. "It's a big army plane. Do you want to come for a ride?" "Why-uh-I'd love to," I said, "o f ' 0 , d " 1 you re sure It won t crow you. " w 11 ' . " e , you can t get In now, he shouted from tremendous heights. "M y goodness, you have to wait till I land." . He made a fine landing and disem- barked with difficulty, owing to the alarming collection of pistols and red- splashed daggers stuck in his belt. "Tom and I are having a war," he said. "We've been having it for two days. It's pretty terrible." His sombre manner was awe-in- spiring and made me feel very respect- ful. " y " I O d " I b O bI es, sal. t must e terrI e. Were you wounded r " "I was killed," he said. "Tom was killed too, but the trouble with him is that he wants to go right on being a general. You can't be a general after you've been killed, can you r " "No," I said. "It doesn't seem o 1 " practlca . "Naturally not," he said with dig- nity. "Did you see my swords?" "I noticed you were wearing them," I murmured. "Do you find them llSe- ful in an airplane?" "Pretty useful," he said. "That's blood, you know . People's blood," he added darkly. "I guess Tom would be afraid to go up in this airplane." "I'm riot frightened," I boasted. "I'm remarkably brave in airplanes." "All right," he said. "You can it in back but you'll have to be careful. It's an awfully dangerous war." '" X TE were attacked almost as soon V V as we left the ground by enemy forces. "Here they come! " he shout- ed. "There're fifty of them-there're a hundred of them. They've got Inachine guns. You'd better put down your head." I ducked, and the fire-screen, which would have Inade a splendid wind- shield if it had been a litt1 e steadier, tottered and leaned wearily agaInst Ine. " I ' h 0 } " h 11 d m s ootJng t 1em, e ye e . "I've shot down a lot of them. They're get- ting frighteneJ." I couldn't see much bu t I could hear the snap of his revolver, sounding quite loud and impressive. The box on which I sat was small, with very sharp corners, and the crick in my neck was rapid- ly becoming serious. I raised my head just in time to see him perform the interesting feat of cutting off the wing of a passing airplane with his sword. "Look out!" he shrieked. "They'll see you! They're shooting at you. You're killed." "All right," I said, startled but ob- liging. "You're killed," he whispered. "Fall over ! You're dead." I fell over, and the floor of the plane, though draughty, was rather restful. He was engaged in single combat with a large Zeppelin when Tom strolled in, having omitted the usual formality of the doorbell. "My mother says I can stay for . 33 ç V lunch," he said. "What's that thing supposed to be?" The fighting ceased abruptly and we sank to earth at a speed that would ordinarily have proved fatal. " I ' 0 1 " 0 d P O ll t s an aIrp ane, saJ eter, stJ a little warm and brea thless. "We've been having a battle." "\Vhat's she do- ing?" T um asked in a startled tone. I could tell that Peter was a good deal embarrassed. " Oh " h O d , e sal care- lessly, "she's lying on the floor. JUSt lying there. " I struggled to my feet, trying to assume the easy nonchalance of a person who habit- ually lies on the floor with the fire-screen in a state of total collapse on top of her. Peter was already put- ting the sword back in his belt. There were evidently weighty affairs on hand and he seemed a little anxious. " w ' " h 0 1 " I e ve got to go, e salC. guess you wouldn't want to COlne with us because I've got to be the general and you might get killed again or some- } 0" . t 1lng- 1 was feeling decidedly jaded and, owing to the fire-screen, my appearance was odd but striking. "No," I said, "1 don't believe I'd better come. I'm a pacifist, myself. I don't care much for war." -ALICE FRANKFORTER . DE-CADE-NCE- A larn ing Evidence of the Deterioration of Moral and Physical Fibre throug-hout tIle United States, as Gleaned fr01n the lVewspapers LOCATE DECADE TS EVIDEXCE OF DECAY Students of Columbia Hazing "vas abolished from the campuso Hereafter, freshmen \vill merely pay a University fee of $1.50. Cre"v of the l\ $7,000 soda fountain "vas installed on bOLlrd ship, so the personnel can get ice- L o So Cruiser 1emphis cre1.m sodas on the high seaso N e\v York City Baltimore Benton Harbor I ichigan The One hundred dissenting members have House of David arranged to remove their whiskers Cult immediately. Bend, Oregon The jury in a liquor trial *The judge declared a mistrial. A f.ull gallon jug of "vhiskey "vas submit- ted as evidence to the jurors, during their deliberations in the jury room, and when the jug WåS returned to the courtroon1 two hours later, it "vas still half full.* -We E. FARBSTEIN