Canepa: Sez Me, that's who

FILE - In this Monday, Jan. 14, 2013, file photo provided by Harpo Studios Inc., Lance Armstrong listens as he is interviewed by talk show host Oprah Winfrey during taping for the show "Oprah and Lance Armstrong: The Worldwide Exclusive" in Austin, Texas. Armstrong confessed to using performance-enhancing drugs to win the Tour de France cycling during the interview that aired Thursday, Jan. 17, reversing more than a decade of denial. (AP Photo/Courtesy of Harpo Studios, Inc., George Burns, File)
— AP

FILE - In this Monday, Jan. 14, 2013, file photo provided by Harpo Studios Inc., Lance Armstrong listens as he is interviewed by talk show host Oprah Winfrey during taping for the show "Oprah and Lance Armstrong: The Worldwide Exclusive" in Austin, Texas. Armstrong confessed to using performance-enhancing drugs to win the Tour de France cycling during the interview that aired Thursday, Jan. 17, reversing more than a decade of denial. (AP Photo/Courtesy of Harpo Studios, Inc., George Burns, File)
/ AP

The winner of this past week’s Twitter Tango on “Lying With the Stars” is the stupendous dance couple of Lance Armstrong and Manti Te'o. They are Astaire-Rogers, without portfolio.

One, Armstrong, is a serial prevaricator, and Te'o probably is close, although hardly in lock step with Lyin’ Lance, so with him we only can suspect the enamel on his teeth is worn from lying through them.

And I cannot tell a lie. I don’t give a damn about either one. Nobody should.

So Lance The Cyclist goes into Oprah to confess and hope for penance. I wouldn’t watch her show if her special guest was Judas Iscariot, but for some stupid reason Lance The Imbiber admitted he was juicing, and he lied about it for about half his life. His next revelation will involve chickens laying eggs.

I don’t give a damn about Lance Armstrong. I’m sick of Lance Armstrong and his doped-up sport. Besides, is he not a cheater who prospered? The biggest mystery is why he confessed at all.

Soul cleansing? Bah. He should have continued to deny the obvious and left it to us to weigh evidence. Certainly there still are fools out there convinced he was clean.

Now on to Te'o, the Notre Dame linebacker who was Heisman runner-up, known to be an upstanding young man, a religious man. Terribly emotional, he had been telling everyone who would listen that, one day last September, he lost his grandmother and then a few hours later, his girlfriend, one Lennay Kekua, from leukemia.

Problem is, while his grandmother, bless her soul, did pass away, his girlfriend did not, primarily because she did not exist, which technically makes passing away impossible. The two never met, which also would have been impossible, in that there was no Lennay Kekua.

So Te'o, with positive reinforcement from gullible Irish Athletic Director Jack Swarbrick, says he was the victim of a hoax, although T’eo continued to go with the story after the university found about it. Now maybe he was duped. Given the wildness of these social media days, anything’s possible, but Touchdown Jesus probably is covering his eyes and saying: “Keep me out of it.”

Seriously, how you can get so emotionally attached to a woman you’ve never seen and never even knew existed? Either he’s the greatest actor since Olivier and the best liar since Armstrong, or he’s just a victim of his own naiveté. Maybe he wasn’t involved. I can’t believe he wasn’t.

But then, I don’t give a damn. …

ESPN hopes to air a live performance by Te'o, who will talk to an empty chair …

New Chargers head coach Mike McCoy’s hiring of Ken Whisenhunt as offensive coordinator was inspired. How Arizona let Whisenhunt go would be a mystery if it were not Arizona, the NFL’s Stooges (Bidwill, Moe and Bidwill). It’s absurd he didn’t get one of the NFL head coaching vacancies, but he probably won’t be here long. Good man, good coach …

As far as I’m concerned, Whisenhunt’s Zonies should have beaten Pittsburgh in Super Bowl XLIII. I’m still waiting for Steelers receiver Santonio Holmes’ right foot to come down in the end zone. And I’ve seen the replay a hundred times …

All things considered, it appears as though Chargers boss Dean Spanos had a good week. Very professional. Dean obviously is looking ahead now …

Major work for new Chargers GM Tom Telesco. How do you build an offensive line in a few months? This is serious business. They can hire Lombardi, Landry and Noll, but with no O line, it won’t matter …

Prediction: The next time the Aztecs men’s basketball team plays UNLV, which will be in Vegas, I believe that they will win …

Winston Shepard will be a star _ if he keeps his head in the game …

I know it was hard, but SDSU Athletic Director Jim Sterk and President Elliot Hirshman were right backing out of the Big East deal. The Big East is going to be an awful football conference _ and the Mountain West will be a far better basketball league than the Big West, which has high school gyms …

I’m dying to see how Chip Kelly’s breakneck offense flies in Philly and the NFL. I don’t believe it can. He will have to change. This ain’t Oregon anymore …

I wonder if Kelly called Pete Carroll for advice on how to get out of Dodge when the NCAA posse is breathing down your throat …

Nor do I believe read-option quarterbacks are the coming wave in The League. There simply aren’t enough of them. It’s still a passing league, and you have to be able to do both, run and pass. Not many alive _ and these guys (see Michael Vick, RGIII) are going to get smoked. It’s inevitable. Play reckless and they get you …

Tim Tebow, with his build, would be the greatest read-option guy _ if he didn’t throw like that hilarious father on the VW commercial.