Inspiration, ideas and information to help women build public speaking content, confidence and credibility. Denise Graveline is a Washington, DC-based speaker coach who has coached nearly 200 TEDMED and TEDx speakers--including one of 2016's most popular TED talks. She also has prepared speakers for presentations, testimony, and keynotes. She offers 1:1 coaching and group workshops in public speaking, presentation and media interview skills to both men and women.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Here's a new twist: A teenage pageant that included public speaking, debate and Q&A drills as part of the competition. Best of all: It was won by a girl who had to overcome her fear of public speaking to win. This article describes the Lexington, Nebraska "Miss Voz Latina" (Miss Latina Voice) winner and high school senior Janeth Barocio, who says of herself "I'm the biggest person with stage fright." She wins $2,000, to be used half for her education and half to attend a conferences on Latino issues; she'll also come to Washington, DC, to meet with senators next spring. From the article:

Despite her fear of speaking, she developed a presentation on obesity. She also prepared herself to debate another contestant....she has learned, “You have to let go of being shy sometimes. You have to give it a chance and put yourself out there. Be willing to give it a chance.”

Wise words from a young inspiration. Barocio will spend the next year giving presentations on her platform issue, childhood obesity, getting a strong start to her speaking career.

You can't buy confidence as a public speaker--you can only build it up, like a muscle, over time. So what do you do until you've worked out your fears and gained enough experience to feel confident as a speaker? That's the dilemma facing Stephanie Benoit, who's getting coached in our Step Up Your Speaking Program--it's her top training priority, and a tough one, since she is just starting out as a speaker. And this week, my advice on confidence to Stephanie--and you--can be summed up in two words.

Fake it.

I think many of us create a mythical view of the Ideal Speaker Experience, a perfect vision of What It Should Be Like. You know what I mean: The audience loves you and begs you to keep talking. You look fantastic. Your voice projects well and modulates effortlessly to fit the emotions and facts in your speech. You don't have to look at notes. Your words inspire, persuade, convince. Heads nod approvingly. No ums, ers and ahs pass your lips, and there's no question you can't answer. The lighting's perfect, everyone can hear you, the room is quiet enough that you could hear a pin drop. All the technology works perfectly, with no effort on your part. After you speak, the crowd rushes forward to offer you roses, champagne, lucrative book deals, and a ride to the airport. Unicorns and a magic genie accompany you home.
This has never happened to me, or I'd have shown you video of the unicorn by now.

My goal in coaching Stephanie, and any trainee, is to help you avoid letting that Ideal Speaking Experience vision--the bar you are setting for yourself--keep you from trying. Thousands of would-be speakers fail to step forward every day because they think they have to be perfect. And that's a shame, because no one's perfect. But here's a wondeful secret. Your vision of perfection has something in common with your lack of confidence or fears about speaking: No one knows about it but you. And that will allow you to fake it.With that, here are 12 ways you can fake it--that is, look confident and even feel more confident--until you get enough experience to feel you can handle any situation. Most of these also will help you reduce the stress you're feeling about speaking, which contributes to your lack of confidence:

Banish that perfect vision. Just stop thinking and talking about it, even to yourself. Better: Spend time focusing on what might go wrong--and brainstorm one or two ways you can deal with those problems, in case they happen. (Stephanie, some homework for you: make a list of the things you imagine might go wrong and come up with one or two possible solutions for each one. Let me know what your list looks like--and if you can't come up with a solution, I'll help.)

Don't tell the audience. I've met fearful speakers who've decided to overcome their fear by telling the audience all about it, and they feel it's an asset to their speaking. I disagree. Most audiences are hoping you'll do well--you can almost always assume that, unless you're dealing with a confrontational issue. Alerting the audience that you are nervous is like waving a signal flag. From then on, they won't be paying as much attention to your content as they will to wondering when you're going to freeze up. And remember: They can't tell you're nervous, most of the time. Why share?

Don't keep telling yourself. The mind is a powerful thing, and it's entirely possible to sabotage yourself by repeating over and over in your mind that you're nervous or that things might go wrong.

Watch yourself on video. Better yet, get a pal to watch your video with you, and task her with sharing a few things she noticed and a few things she might suggest to improve. If you feel nervous while you're making the video, ask her whether she could see it. Use this handy tipsheet as you evaluate your video. (Stephanie, you've got a few videos thanks to this program. Ask a friend to watch them and share with us what she noticed.)

Take charge of your introduction. Sometimes, all it takes is a lame introduction to get a speaker off on the wrong foot. Take charge of that situation with these tips.

Breathe, before, during and after. Deep breaths before your speech will help moderate your blood pressure and calm you physically and mentally. Practicing the "relaxation response" breathing exercises also will help you master the art of calming yourself when you get into stressful situations, like speaking. Bonus: Breathing isn't just essential, it's invisible. So do it.

Stand up straight. Great posture will help you feel better and make you look very confident to your audience. (What slouch ever looked confident?) A bonus: It'll help your breathing and ability to project.

Don't overdo. Often, speakers get in trouble here, so seek to avoid overdoing. Especially when you are beginning as a speaker, keep it short and focused. Don't aim for the longest sentences--or the longest speech. Don't use elaborate props or technology until you feel more confident.

Don't overprepare.Over-preparation is an agitated way of setting yourself up to fail--you'll never need all the facts you're trying to master in advance, and you can set some parameters for what you'll talk about. Again, better you should spend your prep time working on your message or practicing your talk.

Wait quietly until the group is quiet. If you have a talkative, fidgety group and you're the first person to speak, just wait for them to settle down--it's the most powerful, confident-looking start, far better than repeatedly trying to call them to attention. Keeps you calmer, too.

Plan your message. Knowing what you want to say with a structured three-point message can help you feel more confident. Plus, this type of message will help you find your way back to your points easily if you get off track. (Stephanie: Keep working on developing your message as part of your ongoing homework.)