“You look like an old Zac Efron”
“Nice car, did you buy your shades to go with it or the other way around?”
“You look way younger than you actually are.”
“Defect XXXX needs fixing and whilst I’m on P3 SRS is due Friday and hows Phil coping?”
“That’ll be XXXX£’s please, would you like a bag?”
“Those jeans look a little too tight on you”
“Gybe”
“I love you Baby, tralla la laaa, I need you Baby, la leee la le laa”
“Why have you only got one gear? Isn’t it hard to peddle?”
“Ohh, new shoes!”

“We are now approaching XXXX station”
“This is coach number 1 or 4”
“Please mind the gap at the edge of the platform”
“Please take all items with you”
“If you see anyone acting suspiciously please tell the guard or a member of the Police”
“The train arriving at platform XX is for the service to XXXXX”

But the most annoying one is..

“The XXXX service to XXXXX is delayed due to the fact we can’t run a train service. We apologise for the delay this will cause to your journey”

This I think ought to be accompanied by,
“We’re unable to run an effective train service despite the many many millions of pounds you the Tax Payer subsidise our franchise. We have 156 layers of management all of which have pensions schemes and BUPA and company cars, these have to be paid some how, so to aid our fiscal planning, we simply cut services and reduce train sizes to save of assets and blame someone else for our incompetence. We have a few staff, some are called train revenue protection officers, please don’t laugh at them, they will annoy the heck out of you if you take more than 0.00004 milli seconds to get your ticket out of your pocket. We are asking them to dress n casual dress these days to save on uniforms”