Emotions don’t just appear. They start with your thinking. We
could therefore say that if you had cognitive mastery you would
automatically gain emotional mastery.

This next section explains how in any situation the thought is
the trigger for the emotion. Notice the two different examples
and outcomes that arise.

1. Situation: A situation or event occurs.
2. Thought: Our cognitive mind sets in and gives meaning to
this. In other words thoughts arise.
3. Emotions then arise
4. Behavior is the result.

Example 1:

Situation: My husband is not yet home and it's late.

Thought: My thought he does not care about me. I have to do
everything by myself. He doesn’t think that I have two small
kids to bath and give dinner too. He doesn’t think that I too
have been at work all day.

Emotion: Frustration which builds with my thoughts and turns to
anger

Behavior: As my husband walks in the door he receives the full
blow of my anger

Example 2:

Situation: My husband is not yet home and it's late.

Thought: He has an important job. He is providing for his
family

Emotion: love and happiness

Behavior: Husband walks in and I give him a kiss and am
delighted to see him

Understanding how our cognitive process influences or emotions
and then our behavior is not enough. This is theory. Practice
is needed in order to be aware of your motions and to inquire
about them.

Inquiry and Non-resistance

Mindfulness practice or any practice that helps you to go still
and become aware of yourself is key to emotional mastery
and freedom. When you are aware in the moment then you can
question your thoughts and distinguish between fact and your
perception. What is important is not to resist or judge. When
you look at what is happening in a situation as if you are
almost an objective observer, you can inquire. When you resist
then the emotion will heighten and not let go of you. This
requires practice. In the life coaching that I do with my
clients on a spiritual level we use meditation and any mindful
practice to gain emotional empowerment.

Emotions let go of you

In the beginning of this article I mentioned that emotions
serve a purpose. I had had enough of my anger, of my
dissatisfaction with life, of my despair and feelings of
despondency so much so that I was searching hard and far to
find emotional mastery. So you do have to want it and when you
want something badly you are prepared to work for it and work I
did.

Formal and informal meditation and every time a negative
thought arises questioning it gently and that means also
non-judgmentally almost in a loving way. This led to my
negative emotions letting go of me. When I practiced being
aware and there are so very many beautiful and wonderful ways
of doing this, I gained myself back. The irony was that before
when I strove to be in control I was just the opposite.

Evolvement

My evolvement is a journey that I am still on. Once you embark
on that journey you fall in love and there is no wanting to
turn back. When I experienced love instead of war in my home,
when I am conscious that I CAN spill the milk and laugh instead
of telling myself "Silly you" I feel like I am on cloud 9. When
I spill the milk it takes two seconds exactly to clean and yet
before I made such a fuss and drained myself of energy. Rome
was not built in a day. Patience is required and the more still
you become the more mindful you are. It cannot be forced.

The evolvement is seen when you notice soon after a situation
(see above, Cognitive Beginning) that you were not in control
of your emotion. Even at this point, as you become aware, you
can stop and inquire about your thinking. You notice your
evolvement when you notice in the moment of your anger that you
are angry and question your thoughts and belief at that moment.
You reach the next stage of enlightenment and emotional mastery
when in the moment you are aware of your thought and can
respond in the way you choose rather than react.

I highly recommend Byron Katie teachings of "The Work". She has
such an easy way of inquiry and of questioning of your
thoughts, particularly those that cause you suffering. Today
when I am aware of any negative feeling I can imagine her
program and the questions and I write these down to discover
what is the thought that is making me feel other than my true
self.

So in the example 1: I could ask for each sentence:

Is it true my husband does not care about me? No its not true…
BONG
Is it true I have to do everything myself? No its not true, my
husband does so much….BONG

Is it true : He doesn’t think that I have two small kids to
bath and give dinner too. ? No he knows we have two small
kids….perhaps I need to think about asking him for help or
someone else when I am tired or on a regular basis if he works
late.

Emotional
Mastery is gained from personal growth development and
practice. Cognitive mastery in my experience is a
prerequisite. Mastering your mind and creating inner
silence leads us to respond with conscious choice and awareness
and thereby being able to control our emotions.