23 July 2013

In fact, I'm constantly composing blog posts in my head (oh, please, tell me you do this too!), talking about our latest adventure, or how I made the most delicious dinner the other night, or the sheer happiness all the flowers and herbs and potted plants around our apartment have brought, or how I'm daydreaming again about this, that, and the other.

But then, I sit down at the end of the work day. After all the dinner messes have been cleaned up (or ignored), after all the walks have been taken, after all the giggles and inside jokes have died down to a quiet evening, I sit down with every intention of writing a post. But then the latest book catches my eye and says, "hey, escape back into my world for a bit." Or the tv has something on that captures my attention - last night, I couldn't move off the couch until I watched American Ninja Warrior for the first time (whoa!). And another night passes without me writing out all the thoughts bouncing around in my head all the live-long day.

I miss it though.

I miss playing with the words on the page, trying to find the right way to say what's on my mind. Or just randomly tossing out all the things that are bubbling to the surface. For example, one of our neighbors just bought herself a motorcycle, and I think it's the most badass thing ever that she rides this fire engine red crotch rocket in high heeled boots every single time.

I miss the pictures. Finding pretty ones that complement the words in the post, or sometimes just told a separate story altogether. My camera and I have fallen out of touch with each other this past year. Aside from a few lackluster attempts this spring, I really truly have not picked it up since I got home from Dubai. In fact, Joe and I went on vacation and I never even packed my camera! Unfathomable a year ago. But, I still look at the world with a photographer's eye - this light, this angle, this scene.

This grown-up, being an adult thing....no one ever told me that you don't have it all figured out at some point as an adult. That even as you "grow up," the things you know are absolute do absolutely change. That the dreams you had shift and change shape and colors, just a bit like watercolors do when first put on a page. And that it's possible to know one thing absolutely, certainly, without a doubt one day....and an hour later wonder if you ever really knew that at all.

Blogging was, for a very long time, a way for me to figure it out. A way to remember and look back at how far I've come and changed and grown. And I miss that.

It slowed down this past year because I didn't feel right sharing all my stories. They were highly personal. They weren't always my story alone, and quite frankly, sometimes I just wanted to live my life without looking for the perfect pictures to take or the words that would best capture the moments in a blog post. And so I didn't post as often. But I miss it. I miss sharing my stories. I miss the fun of posting. And I think with the inadvertent time off, I've found a better balance (hopefully) between sharing as always and with respecting the privacy of the stories that are not mine to share.

A long-winded way of saying, I miss blogging. And hopefully, the silence is over.

This is KtMac's personal blog. As such, thoughts and facts are subject to change over time. Unless identified otherwise, all words, thoughts, and pictures are mine. I give credit where credit is due, via links within the text for websites or through the use of *-*-* under pictures that come from a source other than my own camera.