Sunday, December 24, 2006

Saving Master Apoc: Part 5 (Becca)

Tatooine and I were standing in front of, I don’t know, like a portcullis or something. We were geared up to fight for information. I wasn’t worried.

Back on Earth we had these things called Malls, and these Malls were a festival of bad smells, and people, all rushing and caring very little about if you live or die. Sometimes you would fight them to get these, I don’t know, these anything.

It got really, really bad around Christmas time… People would hit you with purses and other things to get you away from them and their items.

When our Big Gatey thing rose, Tatooine and I walked out. We were alone. The gate on the other side opened. Gamorians, big Orcish looking things came running out. Their leader came at me directly. And Tatooine jumped in front of me.

I didn’t understand why he was doing that, but it wasn’t like the Gamorian was going to get to me, I looked into his eyes, and he looked into mine, and I implanted a thought. All of his allies were us, and we were his only allies.

I don’t know, I’ve seen a lot of things, but him running at me, stopping, then cutting into his friend with a vibro axe, and then this dog pile of Gamorians all fighting each other with vibro axes was probably on the top of my yuck list.

Tatooine smiled and leapt up and down, “He’ll tell us about Mommy now! He’ll tell us about Mommy!”

“You have two more rounds!” I heard over a loud speaker, “That is, if you survive this one.”

I looked down at Tatooine and I am sure we both looked the same way. That’s when the gate opened, and a huge bug looking thing came out. I don’t know what it was, but it was ugly.

I don’t know, but I haven’t wanted to kill a bug and been as scared of a bug this bad since I was working with the Men in Black on Earth.

Flashback

“Hey Bee,” I held my cricket gun a little unsteady looking at the mass of bug in front of us.

“I don’t know Jay.”

“Shoot the bug!”

“But Kay is in it.”

“Shoot the bug!”

I held the cricket unsteadily and I aimed at it, then closed my eyes and shot. I hit the UFO it was trying to get on.

“Shoot the bug! The Bug!”

I aimed again and closed my eyes, and I heard metallic grinding.

“Not the Ship Bee! The Bug!”

“You shoot the bug!”

“No, Shoot the bug!”

Meanwhile, the Bug leapt down and was standing face to face with me, and I heard a sound like a charging battery or something, and then the bug exploded, and I got covered in bug guts.

“I quit!” I said while my whole body shook in frustration.

End Flashback

Tatooine and I stared at the large buggy thing. I withdrew both of my blasters. Tatooine reflexively moved behind me.

I began to fire at it. Blast after blast. Unrelenting. The creature just stood there as the blasts reflected off of it. And there was no mind controlling this thing.

“Tatooine,” I said calmly, “I don’t know what I am going to do, but distract it. You know the game we place sometimes, when I have you walk up to a cute guy and ask him those questions?”

“Yes Auntie Becca.”

“Okay, I need you to go do that with it, but run, I won’t let it hurt you. I promise.”

So Tatooine ran up, and did what he did best. I ran to the pile of gross bloody Gamorians and I reached in, and found a vibro axe. I chased after the big buggy thing, and when I got to its back leg I swung the axe, blindly.

I missed of course, I don’t know. I just don’t like hurting things. I swung again, and the bug’s leg was cut in two and it started to lose its balance. I cut the other back leg, and it fell to the ground. It used its front claws to try and get at Tatooine.

I jumped on its back, and ran up to what looked like its head. I cut into it, and it dropped limp. I fell off of it and landed in the dirt with a thud, and it kicked dust up all around me.

Tatooine ran over to me and licked my face, just missing my eyes with his electro-horns.

Star Wars and all related characters are trademarks of Lucasfilm Ltd. This site is intended as a parody. As such, use of copyrighted and trademarked images is allowed under Fair Use. Erifia Apoc, Becca the Magnificant and Tatooine the Tauntaun, are all characters made by the author, using some Lucasfilm Ltd. Ideas.