Tristan & Isolde

"Why does loving you feel so wrong?" grieves Isolde to her lover Tristan.

And like this Irish lass' lament, watching "Tristan & Isolde" feels wrong somehow, despite the film's gorgeous landscapes and action-packed fight scenes. Maybe it's because we know that their happiness is doomed from the beginning -- not only for the star-crossed lovers, but also for the hapless Lord Marke, the unfortunate third leg of the love triangle. In short, it's just not fun with the specter of tragedy looming over every scene.

If you're not British, a Wagner fan or a literary scholar, the story of Tristan and Isolde will be unfamiliar. Couple that with the filmmakers' attempt to ground the legend in history, and you get a whole bunch of exposition, as seen in the text-heavy opening of the film.

Tristan (James Franco) is an English fellow whose family has been murdered by the Irish during the Dark Ages and is subsequently adopted by tribal leader Lord Marke (Rufus Sewell). After a fierce battle, Tristan's wounded body is found by Irish princess Isolde (Sophia Myles), whose dad is the perpetrator of all these evils, King Donnchadh (David O'Hara). To protect her new love -- and herself -- she lies about her royal identity.

Unfortunately, she comes to regret this withheld information when Tristan returns to her lands to win the -- he thinks -- unknown princess to be Lord Marke's bride. After triumphing at the tournament, the young man goes to claim the veiled lady for his liege, only to discover that his own true love will have to marry another. D'oh! What follows is a wealth of hand-wringing, smoldering glances and stolen moments for the lovers whose impassioned feelings spell the downfall of the precarious peace obtained by the political marriage.

Although "Tristan & Isolde" gets bogged down at the beginning with an excess of historical context and backstory, the remainder of the film keeps it pretty simple. The viewer only needs to remember a handful of names for the principal characters, while the supporting cast can be identified by their various facial hair configurations.

As the lovers, Franco and Myles are perfectly cast. As with his "Spider-Man" character Harry Osbourne and his turn as James Dean in the TNT biopic, Franco demontrates the necessary brooding sulkiness to communicate Tristan's anguish. When he observes Isolde with Marke, he tells her, "With every look he gives you I get sicker and sicker" -- and you believe him. Myles, who resembles a more delicate Kate Winslet, has an easy task of looking beautiful while exhibiting pensive strength.

While the film isn't explicit, the love scenes are disturbing. You can't really enjoy the sensuality of these scenes because Isolde's intimacy with each of the men is doubly wrong. She commits ill-advised adultery with Tristan, but is also reluctantly invaded by her own husband Marke. Where's the fun in that?

The film also lacks a good, old-fashioned centerpiece battle. Several skirmishes and a climactic fight scene are chaotic and haphazard, with no memorable acts of heroism or creative directing. The only halfway interesting feat of strength is Tristan's performance at the tournament to win Isolde's hand. And even that sequence is hurried along to get to the Big Twist.

In the bloody end, additional expository text assures the audience that "their love didn't destroy a kingdom," but there's little satisfaction to be gained from the pyrrhic victory. Britain may be a great land today, but judging from this sorrowful concoction set 1,500 years in the past, there were no winners to that period.

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