It’s Not Chocolate

How do we perpetuate bullshit? By telling ourselves that the bullshit is the natural order of things instead of the result of choices we, as a species, have made. That way the bullshit will never be changed, we just accept it and deal with it the best way we can. What else are we going to do? This satisfies the beneficiaries of the bullshit just fine, though this doesn’t make them evil. It makes them human, for we all fear the unknown.

What if there was different bullshit or, maybe, no bullshit whatsoever; then where would we be? Who would we be? And how would we get along in a different bullshit and/or a bullshit free world? Those questions make us think it’s best to keep things as they are. It’s best to keep up the constant flow of manure to cover up our shortcomings and insecurities and make those who survive, despite this, heroes and saints and gods so that we never want to change it either. And who doesn’t want to be a hero? Who doesn’t want to be deemed worthy? Not us, because that means we would need to change things. We’re no saints.

So we live in this filth and make stories. Create narratives. People who can “overcome” the bullshit (that is human -created, not natural thus really changeable) are “the strong ones”. They’re the survivors, the thrivers, the makers, the blessed, and the special. But we can’t call them the living. Living involves breath, air, and space and you can’t have all that when you’re over your head in bullshit.

And while we may not be gods, we are “winners”, the opposite of “losers”. We are not “losers” nor “whiners” nor “victims”. We can’t be. Those people remind us of the true nature of what we’re dealing with or, worse, try to change it. But we need that bullshit just as much as those that benefit from it even more than we do. Our identity is wrapped up in being special, being better. And how can we keep that going if there is no bullshit for us to eat to prove we are special and worthy and human? How can we be strong if people point out the bullshit we feel too weak to handle so we call it something else?

So we guzzle the bullshit like it’s chocolate ice cream. We have to congratulate ourselves for not being “them” or “losers” and being able to embrace bullshit more than “they” can. We tell each other jokes about someone else eating a shit sandwich while we pretend we don’t do the same then call it a superpower. I don’t want that to be my superpower. Touting my ability to survive and thrive in a morass of pain and bullshit doesn’t make me strong or a hero. It makes me a masochist and a delusional one at that. I don’t want to be Bullshit Girl. I want to be fucking Wonder Woman with a golden lasso of truth, the power of flight, and the knowledge that bullshit is not a virtue nor a chance for valor.