New $6,800 ‘Luxury’ Smartphone Already Out of Date

You could buy this $6,800 Froyo phone, but if you do, I'll never talk to you again

“Luxury” phones always seem to be filled with last year’s technology. It’s as if the makers think that either A) their rich customers are out of touch and easily bedazzled by fancy leather and gold trimming or B) that the tech really doesn’t matter because the phone will last forever, like a fine watch.

The trouble is that, while a Tag Heuer watch will indeed last you a lifetime and still perform its function perfectly, a phone will be all but useless in a few years’ time. Still, that won’t stop some idiots from dropping €4,700 ($6,800) on the Tag Heuer Link Smartphone.

Inside, you’ll find an 800×400 3.5-inch screen, a 5MP camera, the usual radios and Android 2.2 Froyo — an OS first announced in May 2010, all running in just 256MB RAM.

Outside, you’ll find all the ostentation money can buy. Calfskin, alligator skin, diamonds, titanium, gold. If it’s shiny or exotic, it’s in there. And lest you forget that Tag Heuer is a watch company, there’s even a watch-winder shaped knob on the side.

And it doesn’t stop there. The Link takes a style tip from 1980s stereo equipment, which was covered in meaningless, techy-sounding slogans. Etched into the steel patterns on the back you’ll find the legends “Avant-Garde Communication” and “Autolock System.” In ALL CAPS, naturally.

Should you wish to acquire this anachronistic toy, go explore the rather recursive Flash-based Web site. You won’t find the Link on there yet, but that kind of scarcity just makes it even more desirable, right? Right?