“Glee” Episode 222 Recap: Nationals!

Let’s see. From Finn
and Rachel we got lip service. Brittany and Santana, disservice. And with Kurt
and Blaine, a little bit of
last-minute fanservice.

I’m kind of despondent right now, so I’m half-tempted to
just send in that paragraph as my recap, but I haven’t been abducted by a cab
driver hearing voices like I was three weeks ago, or trapped in a hotel room in
Laramie, Wyoming like I was two weeks ago. So I’m gonna have to overcome my
sadness at the end of Season Two, and the lack of focus on the storylines that
touch my heart the most, and recap this sucker.

The night got off to a bad start when American Idol stole the usual Glee
time slot for its vapid finale. But by the time Glee rolled around an hour later, I was really excited. And I had
sworn I wasn’t going to let the fact that they were actually writing their
original songs in New York City
upset me. Glee universe, Glee rules, la la la I am suspending
disbelief. A couple of times I felt my rational mind rise up screaming, but I
wrestled it back into its locked closet and kept watching.

The episode opened with a classic montage of Times Square,
with some awesome CNN and Bank of America product placement, and then a That Girl-esque shot of Rachel, so
excited she looked like she could fly, saying, “I made it.” I kind of
got tingles, I admit it.

The rest of the New Directions kids are sitting on some
nearby steps.

“A year and a half ago, the New Directions were nothing
but a group of six misfits, stumbling their way through a horrific rendition of
‘Sit Down, You’re Rockin’ the Boat,'” Kurt, wearing a charming fur hat,
says, “And now here we are, at the top of the show choir heap.
Nationals!”

Tina squeals that
she wants to “hit up Central Park and get my frolic on,” and Puck says he wants to throw stuff off
the Brooklyn Bridge, but Finn, apparently channeling
me, points out that they still have two songs to write.

Kurt blows him off. “Okay,” he says. “Mr.
Bossy Pants.” Remember when Kurt worshipped the ground Finn walked on? I
like them so much better as brothers!

They all break into a very real-sounding, ie, no music, no
harmonies, really not very good, rendition of “New York, New York,”
when Rachel walks up and tells them she has tickets to Cats. Which, as Quinn
points out, closed eleven years ago. Rachel isn’t really surprised; she says
the guy who sold them to her seemed crazy. “He charged my credit card by
swiping it through his butt crack.”

Can we have a show of hands as to how many people believe
Rachel doesn’t know the opening and closing days of every Broadway hit since
the dawn of time? And I’m not saying it’s completely out of the question that
Quinn might know, but Quinn and not Rachel?

Excuse me while I crank up my suspension of disbelief. And I
know you’re all going, wow, she really hated this episode, but honestly, I
didn’t. I enjoy suspending disbelief. I watched Xena: Warrior Princess for seven seasons. They got to China from ancient Greece in like, three days.
Suspension of disbelief is one of my favorite things.

Where was I? Oh yes. Still in the stuff that happened while
the opening credits rolled.

Will is checking
the gang into the hotel, where they have only two rooms. He tells the clerk
he’s going to split them up, boys in one
room, girls in the other.

“You guys in for the show choir competition?” she
asks him.

“Yeah, why?”

“Most of the other teams split them up by sexual
orientation,” she says.

Can you see Santana in with Puck, Finn, Artie and Mike? I
cannot. Although with Kurt in the other room, Santana may actually have been
able to get into the bathroom to do her makeup.

And poor bi Brittany – would she just have to wander the
halls?

The kids stroll into the lobby, and Rachel comments to Finn
that she’s surprised at how well Quinn is handling the breakup. “I guess I
was wrong about her being a vindictive harpy,” she tells him.

Since this episode is majorly about Finn and Rachel, it
would be wrong for me not recap those parts, wouldn’t it? I’m just kind of
tired of them. Even if Finn was a lot more adorable and romantic in this
episode than he normally is.

So, Finn asks what’s up with Jessie, and Rachel says he’s been texting her a lot (apparently he
didn’t accompany the show choir to New
York), but she told him she wasn’t going to talk to
him until she got back. “No boys, no distractions, until we win the
trophy,” she says, walking away from Finn, who gazes after her with his
usual perplexed facial expression.