Beer Week Is Here

Do you like beer? How do you feel about weeks? If you’re a fan of both, North Texas Beer Week is right up your alley. Starting Saturday, a ton of your favorite tap houses on both sides of the Tarrant-Dallas county divide (and in Denton, too) will be rolling out tastings, beer dinners, and plenty of specials to celebrate a commercial movement that shows little signs of abating.

While you’ll find plenty to do and drink throughout the week –– The Flying Saucer’s Real Ale Mystery Flight on Sunday sounds interesting –– you probably don’t want to miss the Texas Brewvolution Festival in Dallas’ Fair Park. Besides beer, there will be bands (Shotgun Friday, The Roomsounds) and food. You could also raise a glass at Rahr & Sons Brewing Company’s ninth anniversary party (12:30-4 p.m. Saturday).

Listen, drunk guy, I know our bar was the last stop on your night out. I can tell because your hair is kind of greasy-looking, and you’re looking a little wall-eyed. No, you may not have another beer. Frankly, I’m not stoked about having served you in the first place. You make me nervous, because you’re shit-housed, and you might do something stupid that will cost me a lot of money and someone else a lot worse than money. So, yes, I will definitely help you get a cab, but don’t get mad when I want to use your phone. Yes, yours. The same one you wiggled in the air while asking, “Cannu call me’a cab?”

Is it unreasonable for me to get annoyed? Ultimately, yes. I mean, the really important thing here is that you’ve obviously thrown in the towel and aren’t getting behind the wheel, for which I’m eternally grateful. And, certainly, I know I’ve been so drunk that it has taken a few tries to swipe through my warren of icons to successfully open Spotify or Fart Machine or whatever. But, geez, do I have to totally babysit you? If I call a cab from my or the bar’s phone, then I have to wait for them to call back and confirm, during which time you will inevitably disappear, thereby forcing me to stop what I’m doing (serving the other customers who aren’t greasy and wall-eyed) to try and find you. Of course, you’re always impossible to find, and then I get to suffer the withering gaze and exotic, bilingual curses of an angry cabbie. Once, a driver got so mad he actually peeled out as he left. That was funny one time, but what’s never amusing is all those times when, as soon as your cab departed without you, you materialized in front of me, sometimes with red eyes and puke near your mouth, slurring, “I thought you call me cab.”

Here’s the thing: Everyone who’s served you on a given night wants you to make it home safely, even if you’ve been a pain in the ass. And we always appreciate that you’re making the right decision and leaving the driving to someone else — even if it means having to stop in the middle of last-call rush to make sure you stay off the road. But can you do us one teensy tiny favor? Just save the Yellow Cab number (817-426-6262) into your phone — or, better yet, download the app. That way, when your ride calls while you’re, uh, indisposed, you can tell him where to find you.