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Topic: Visitation rudeness (Read 14165 times)

About half way through the visitation ( 4 hrs of non-stop people) one of his co-workers came through the line. As he was shaking my hand he said "I am so upset, I was going to call him this week and ask a favor". I just looked at him in complete silence, unsure what to say. He then said, " I need to borrow his scaffolding" and looked at me expectantly. I again just started at him speechless and he moved on.

The kicker was the next day when he showed up at my house with his trailer. :-(

Mayhug, if I lived anywhere near you I would take care of this loser for you. In fact, I suspect if you did loan him the scaffolding he would never return it because "Well, MayHug's DH won't be needing it anymore." Please post that you didn't let him borrow it (and never, ever will).

And, so many (((hugs))) to you. As if you weren't dealing with enough...

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What have you got? Is it food? Is it for me? I want it whatever it is!

(((HUGS))) I am shocked anew by people's callousness. I hope you were able to dispatch him with minimal additional frustration on your part (I would have been tempted to let him see I was home and then purposely not answer the door).

Mayhug, if I lived anywhere near you I would take care of this loser for you. In fact, I suspect if you did loan him the scaffolding he would never return it because "Well, MayHug's DH won't be needing it anymore." Please post that you didn't let him borrow it (and never, ever will).

And, so many (((hugs))) to you. As if you weren't dealing with enough...

I agree with SamiHami that he would never return the scaffolding. In fact, I bet that he doesn't even need it right now. He probably thinks that this is something he can grab and keep, because you won't likely be using it.

I hope that you told him no, and will tell him no again if he comes back and persists in trying to get it. Don't let him even see it unless you have an exorbitant amount of cash in hand from him first. If I were you I'd make sure that it was locked up, too. I wouldn't put it past someone like this to "borrow" it when you are not home.

He hasn't gotten it yet. It's in the back of the garage and I have no intention of moving anything there just yet. My husband was a very organized person and I know I wouldn't be able to put everything back just right .

He left his number so I could call him when I get it out. (He is assuming it will be soon) It won't!

Mayhug, sorry for your loss. I'm not a fan of borrowing and lending. I've had too many instances of loaning items to people who forget to return them. I don't feel that if I do someone a favor, I should have to be put to the extra trouble of getting my item back. I really wouldn't put myself out for someone who is so selfish as to bring up borrowing an item to a widow at a funeral visitation.

MayHug, please have someone (not you!) call this idiot and say "You'll have to rent some scaffolding. MayHug won't be going through the garage anytime soon, and she won't be loaning any of DH's items when she does. Please don't ask again." Give them permission to get ugly if he argues rather than slinks off in shame like he ought to.

People come out of the woodwork in times like this. Have someone who can run interference for you. Heck I'll do it if you want to PM me his number!!

PS - I agree with PP who pointed out anyone who borrows your DH's things may not give them back. Don't loan anything you wouldn't want to give away, and don't give away anything at all for at least 6 months (I've actually heard a year, too), just in case you end up regretting it. Lots more hugs!!

I've thought about this terrible man today, MayHug. He really seems to think that he can take advantage of you. If he gets into the garage, it's possible that other things of your DH's will disappear, too.

I agree with the PP who say to call him and tell him that he'll have to rent the scaffolding. Otherwise, he may show up with someone to "help" you move things around in the garage. Then he may act hostile when you don't want him in there. People like this often try to guilt and bully others into complying with their wishes.

You can also tell him that nothing is leaving the premises until your family has chosen things that they might want. Tell him that you are all so upset about the sudden passing that the apportioning of possessions will not be happening anytime soon.

I know that I sound like quite the alarmist here - it's because I've read a lot in the archives of ehell. There are a number of stories on the main blog of people who move in like vultures after a death, and try to take anything not nailed down. At best, this guy is clueless and entitled.

You have been through such a difficult time, Mayhug. My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family.

Absolutely DO NOT let this man on your property, and keep your garage and storage sheds locked. I'd bet a buck that, once he made his way into one of those, he'd be saying, "Well, you won't need this, how about I take it off your hands." I agree that you should have someone (preferably male) to call this guy and say that he needs to make other arrangements and to leave you alone.

Also agree that you should wait for 6-12 months before disposing of anything other than clothing, if that.

Wow. I can't believe someone said that to you! And is it just me, or does it seem to imply that this "gentleman" is upset because he never got chance to ask your husband for the scaffolding, rather than the fact that he'd passed away?

Offer to *sell* him the scaffolding at a fair market value - mark it up a little for the sake of how rude this guy is! - if it's not something you're going to use. The idea of having to pay for it will probably get rid of him entirely, and if it doesn't, you'll have profited a little from the sale of the scaffolding.

Wow. I can't believe someone said that to you! And is it just me, or does it seem to imply that this "gentleman" is upset because he never got chance to ask your husband for the scaffolding, rather than the fact that he'd passed away?

Kudos to you for not responding to his request with violence.

It's not just you who had that thought.

I'm truly horrified and disgusted by this man's behaviour.

OP, I'm very sorry for both your loss and having to deal with this revolting human being.