My Year of Transparency – 2018

Welcome to 2018, this is my year of transparency. I’ve lived my life filled with so many filters and not just the kind on Instagram. I usually don’t say what I’m thinking or how I’m feeling because I never want to offend anyone, even if they’re offending me. I always go the harmonious route no matter the situation. This has caused a lot of issues in my life. My lack of clear communication has caused me to feel tons of anger towards people who had no idea.

In 2018, I’m not having it. When I am upset I will express that I am upset in the moment. When I am happy I will live in the moment of that happiness. As much as I “live my life out loud” for social media, I really don’t practice this in the real world. I’m always in deep thought; I am constantly holding my breath when other people are talking because I’m afraid they might say something offensive. I’ve been holding my breath for a very long time and I don’t want to do it anymore.

There is a natural unwanted feeling of looking stupid or getting played. In 2018, I’m embracing that feeling. If I look stupid so be it, if I get played who cares. I’m going to enjoy the moments I create for myself and the ones that come around unexpectedly. If I like the guy I’m going to tell him. If someone offends my culture I will boldly educate them.

The first step in my year of transparency is being transparent with myself. I’ve been staring in the mirror lately, talking out loud and asking myself the hardest question, “What Do I Want?”. Well, I’m still not exactly sure what I really want but I for damn sure know what I don’t want. I don’t want to feel like I can’t say or do certain things because people I barely know will judge me. I know that I don’t want to wake up as a wife or mother that is totally lost with no desire to chase her dreams. I know that I don’t want to subscribe to society’s ideals that I have to be married by a certain age or I will never find a husband. I don’t want to fall into a comparison trap in any area of my life.

I know that these things will be hard not to do but I’m so ready to do the work. There will be a lot of changes in 2018 but I’m excited to start this journey of being open and honest… like real honest. I don’t know if y’all are ready, so get ready.

Sidenote- isn’t it crazy that ten years ago the slogan of the year was “Obama 08’”, crazy have times have changed.