The Fifth Commandment.
Deuteronomy 5:16 (New International Version)
16 "Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you."
My attempt at honoring my mother and father as they age and are unable to care completely for themselves.

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Thursday, September 16, 2010

Back again!

I can't believe it has been this long since I last wrote. One month and one day. A lot can happen in a month.

When I last wrote on Aug 15, Dad was concerned about what would happen with Mom after his surgery- her hair appointments etc. Well, in the very early morning hours of Sunday, September 5th, Dad woke me up-. He had terrible pain in his gut- like someone had kicked him. We called 911 and I road into the ER with him in the ambulance. My DH stayed home to wait for Mom to wake up.

Dad was admitted to the hospital.

To make a long story shorter- Dad's surgery was moved up- although it took a number of days to get that settled. He had surgery on Thursday Sept 9th. The 8th was his 86th birthday and his plans to celebrate birthdays with his great-granddaughter didn't happen.

Dad did well during surgery and things looked good. But being 86 and having had major heart surgery five years ago brought on some minor- albeit annoying and sometimes scary problems.

He came home today from the hospital. I am surprised and pleased. Yesterday- he couldn’t get out of bed or a chair by himself. His nurse over night worked with him over and over and over again until Dad got it. He so desperately wanted to come home and not go to a nursing home. And that sweet, stubborn man made it!

These were rough days for my mom. And for us. Besides the emotional ups and downs and the worry about Dad, things with Mom got worse. She had “stomping feet and yelling” temper tantrums at the hospital. She wanted to touch the machines, she wanted to check his IV’s, she wanted to be his nurse. I ended up calling her doctor and got her some anti-anxiety medicine to take and it did help some.

So much has happened- little things that just seemed to blow up into big issues. Missing money from her purse that was later found in her purse. Being accused of stealing the money and then accused of outing it back.

Finding hidden medicines in places I didn’t think to look, which made me realize I now have to watch her take every pill. I changed her schedule to accommodate mine and still give her the meds at the appropriate times. I try to get ready for bed at 10 pm. So I am giving Mom her nighttime pills- including her “relaxation” pill at 10 PM. She hates it and gives me grief- but it has to be that way.

She fell asleep on night in her chair and I woke her up at 10 PM to give her the meds. She seemed fine and even joked about falling asleep early. I gave her the meds and we both went to bed. The next day, she told my daughter she woke up in her chair and I was forcing pills down her throat and she almost choked to death. Ouch.

And her hair! Oh my goodness! I can’t even describe how many, HOW MANY times I have been asked about her hair appointments. And how many times she has said something to my daughter and my husband! She had a perm scheduled for this Saturday 45 minutes away and I rescheduled it. No way was I going to sit around waiting for that when I have spent so little time at work. My daughter couldn’t take her and knowing there was a possibility that Dad would be coming home- I couldn’t see leaving him alone for at least 3 hours and being that far away from him.

Sooo. Changed the perm to Wednesday the 22nd. My daughter will take her. This has been repeated over and over and over again. I have even sent her an email with the details. It doesn’t matter.

She wanted to go in on Friday for her regular hair appointment and we aren’t going. I set up an appointment locally for tomorrow with someone I know will do a good job- and for less than half the price. Mom is not happy. But that is the way it is.

This hair thing has to change- there are issues with the beautician telling Mom things that aren’t true and feeding Mom’s paranoia. She is rude and inconsiderate when I have tried to talk with her. I’ve let it go, because Mom does enjoy this so much and she has gone there for years. But after the perm, we may have to make other arrangements.