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20 years old and still learning.

Saturday, 22 October 2016

Hello, I am back. Sorry I haven't been blogging a lot. I moved back to Bristol for the summer and didn't have a lot of time for my blog because I had been working. Obviously I haven't got an excuse not to blog when I moved back to uni as I have had too much time on my hands. But here I am now.

2017 is just over 2 months away and I really cannot believe how fast this year has gone and how much has changed. A year a go I was getting into the whole uni spirit, going out, stressing over assignments, having a terrible diet. A year a go I had many friends and even a boyfriend, and the fact that all of that was only this time last year is scary. Today, I don't have those many friends from last year and I am currently single. This year was a year for so many changes and lessons and I am happy where I am now.

As some of you may know, I was in a relationship with someone last year, and the break-up was horrible. The relationship itself was pretty toxic, though at the time I refused to believe that, silly I know. After New Year, we still saw each other, but we didn't get back together. I didn't want to. Over Easter Break, I went back to Bristol and during that time, I had time to surround myself with positivity and the familiarity of home. I had time to analyse the situation I was in and decided not to see that person anymore. He was a toxic person, he was a good only when it suited him. Though I won't go into it. Anyway I learned to recognise a toxic relationship and decided to stop seeing him for my own good. I learnt to let go of people who I thought would be in my life for a long time, not just the guy but friends as well. Friends that turned out not to be friends at all. Friends that probably didn't value me as a friend or even a person.

I learned to realise my mental and physical strengths. My friends will know that over the Summer I worked for Tesco. I was doing on average 4 nights a week (Thurs-Sun mostly) Working those nights and the actual job I was employed to do proved that practice makes perfect. I was stocking the Jam and Homebake Isle. And if you go down those isles you will see that it may look easy enough to do, but I am small and not physically strong, or not physical at all. For the first 3 weeks ish I struggled so much. I was slow, barely meeting deadlines. I woke up one afternoon and thought about quitting. I was so serious about quitting, because it's not just about staking shelves all night, it's about meeting deadlines and it really did take all of my mental and physical strength. It was so hard to do, and a friend of mine actually criticised me for it as well, saying "it can't be that hard, you only do 3 nights a week" and to be honest that actually really hurt me because she doesn't understand the mental and physical exhaustion I felt every day and every night. I thought it would be easy, work all night, sleep all day, but getting into that routine wasn't as easy as I thought either. My dad has been doing that same job for over a year and even now he isn't used to it. It's a lot harder than people think, and I would love to see my friend do what I did for the summer. Or even for one night. I felt like shit and looked like shit all the time. Anyway, the point of this story was that even after a few weeks I wanted to give up, but i realised that I shouldn't (because I needed the money) I endured mental and physical pain and tiredness. I got past my weakness and came out better because of it. It taught me to never give up, even if it is shit, because at the end of it, you will be rewarded and in that case, loads of money and back to uni!! And even when you think you're not doing very well, practice makes perfect because at first I wasn't the best at the job but after a few weeks I got used to it, got used to jam and homebake and got a routine together, and by the end of it I was great at it.

Change is good. Change can be so fucking good. Last year I was doing Social Welfare Law. It was okay, some of the things that I learnt was really useful stuff to know, and some of it was interesting but sadly my heart was not in it. I didn't enjoy it. I wanted to transfer back to Bristol to do Children's Nursing but again sadly I didn't get it. I decided to stay at Staffs and apply for another course, and they gave me an unconditional for Health and Social Care. I know it doesn't sound all that, but it really is all that. It is more than you think. I am so glad I choose this course, and so glad I stayed in Stoke. I enjoy this course so much, even if it has been only 5 weeks. It's so much more interesting, and I learn so much more because I am interested in it. I have lovely coursemates as well, they're all so nice. I'm glad I made this change. I think it has changed me for the better. So change is good.

Moving in with people I didn't really know was a bit scary and off putting as well. They found me on Facebook, Shannon, Lauren and Emma. At first I had no idea who they were because they all sent me a friend request at the same time in the middle of the night?? which was a bit odd. When we all moved in it was a bit awkward, they were friends before we moved in so I did feel like an outsider, but they tried to make me feel welcome. We all get along, and they're so nice and lovely. So the moral of this story I guess is, obviously find out who you're going to be living with, but don't be afraid of starting new with new people. Jump into whatever it is that gives you a thrill. Move into halls instead of staying at home. Move away. Do whatever you want.

Don't be afraid of starting new. Even if you started new a week ago. There's no limit on how many times you can start again, new start, fresh slate and you don't have to wait for New Years to do it. I started new in January by deciding to change courses. I started a new in June by taking that terrible night job. I started new by the end of August by moving in with strangers. I started new in September by starting my new course. This year has been hectic, amazing and terrible, scary and exciting. But I jumped into all of it. I learnt how to move on from horrible people, how to get over a guy, realising who my true friends are, realising my strengths and weaknesses and how to start over. I am so glad for everything that has happened in this year and I can't believe that 2017 is just around the corner, but I am also so excited!