Self Love

We live in a vibrational universe, right? And we’re vibrational begins. And as empaths, we just happen to be vibrational linguists. So what if we decided to improve, sharpen, and hone our vibrational skills with OURSELVES this week? The term “empath” automatically conjures up associations with others. But, riddle me this: what is an empath by themselves?

The problem with even using the term “empath” is that it is limiting. It also implies we’re somehow different than other people. And while of course, it might be true to an extent, it is not fundamentally true, because we all come from the same Source. Hence why we have vibration. Vibration is the “true” essence of all things, including us, and even what we call being “empathic” is just a specific expression of vibration.

What if this week we chose to start an intentional/conscious vibrational dialogue with ourselves at regular intervals throughout the day? Set the timer on your phone if you have to, and at least every two hours do a vibrtaional check-in.

Ask yourself:

*Where am I vibrationally?
*What kind of vibration am I swimming in right now?
*Does it feel good to me? Do I feel dominantly negative or positive?
*How can I adjust my vibration?
*Am I breathing deeply?
*Is my energy expanding out, or shrinking in?

This is basically a way to see how our vibrational conversation with the Universe is going. The Universe is responding AT ALL TIMES to our vibration, and matching it, so it would behoove us to check-in on the conversation. This is more of “feeling” conversation than it is a logical one. And it’s a great opportunity to use our keen sensitivities and linguistic skills to converse consciously with the Universe.

To have true authority and empowerment in our lives, it’s crucial to balance our masculine and feminine energies. Many empaths and highly sensitive people allow their energies to get extremely out of balance, being controlled by emotions and not allowing our more masculine energies to provide boundaries/structure.

Masculine energy is crucial to balance – especially for empaths and highly sensitive people, (or anyone who comes from an abusive background).

Here are 3 Tips to help balance these energies:

Choose to take authority: A lot of us forget we have authority over our lives/actions/decisions. When we allow our emotions or sensitivities to control us, we often feel at the mercy of external forces, but being highly sensitive is not an excuse to be lazy about our energy. Once we realize our thoughts/feelings/and emotions are creating and influencing the way we experience this reality, the more crucial it becomes to own our power. Direct and conscious force of will comes from our masculine energy, and it’s important to use our masculine energy to provide balance, structure, and boundaries for our creative, powerful feminine energy. We have authority to choose what we allow ourselves to feel and focus on. We have authority to choose how we will respond to the world around us. Claim that authority.

Will peace and good things to flow into your life (don’t wait to FEEL them): So many of us (especially if we’ve been abused or are highly sensitive/empathic) grew up feeling as if we were at the mercy of everyone else’s will – like we had no will of our own. This alone is the root of most of our issues: our problem with co-dependency, our tendency to be led like sheep, allowing others to overpower us, and not seeing/allowing or acknowledging our strength to come forth. We have to choose to WILL things in our life, and not wait to feel like doing something – or wait to feel like we’re powerful. This is crucial if we are to truly be empowered. We can choose peace. We can will ourselves to be free from every whim of emotion. We can use our strength to WILL positive energies into our lives. When we make a firm decision to choose good things for us, our emotions/feelings will catch-up. Once we trust our will (or masculine energy) to choose what’s in our best interest, our more sensitive/creative side will learn to trust us and will be free to flow toward joy.

Use your words wisely and with intention: How we speak and feel about ourselves determines (to an astronomical proportion) whether we feel empowered and confident, or disempowered and weak. A lot of highly sensitive people (and empaths) refer to themselves in incredibly disempowering terms. Again, this typically stems from abuse, and we’ve learned to use our sensitivities/weakness as a way to get others to love us. Often, being “in need” or helpless, is the only way we experience the intimacy we so crave. We’ve had to learn this in order survive. But there comes a time when it no longer works. Eventually others tire of always having to rescue us, and we tire of being the weakest link. It’s time to take responsibility for our lives in every manor, and this includes how we speak about ourselves. Notice your self talk. Notice what you say after “I am” and how you describe yourself to others. If we continue to use words like “too sensitive” or “scared” or “overwhelmed” – we will never have freedom. Don’t use your sensitivities as an excuse to a victim.

Stepping into our power is stepping out of a victim vibration and into responsibility. We must do it with love and compassion, but do it, nonetheless. If we use our will and our authority over ourselves to demean, put down, and demonize our sensitivities, we will never be able to fully trust and ground into our strength – and our strength will never trust our emotional power. As long as we are at war with ourselves, our lives and relationships will continue to reflect the conflict.

Make peace with your masculine and feminine energy. See their mutual power and remember that one is always less without the other. Once we begin to trust our strength and our sensitivities, we will truly step into empowerment.

This is one of the latest blogs I wrote for Modbod. I thought it pertained to empaths so I wanted to share it here as well:

When Helping is Destructive

“Theworst thing you can dofor thoseyou love is the things they could and shoulddothemselves.” Abraham Lincoln

When someone we love struggles, we want to help. From an evolutionary standpoint, helping is our most basic instinct because in order for the group to survive, the individual must thrive.

At some point in each of our lives there comes a time when we need assistance. but what exactly is beneficial help and how can we discern when we’re giving it?

Here are 3 examples of beneficial help:

*Beneficial help does not foster dependence: Making anyone feel they need us fosters unhealthy dependence and ultimately impedes growth. As the old saying goes, “give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.” It is important to make sure our help actually empowers those we love to be self-sufficient and to trust in their own abilities.

*Beneficial help knows when to say no: Sometimes saying NO is the most helpful thing we can do for another. Offering to help when it only enables one to continue in unhealthy patterns is ultimately destructive. Refusing to enable another is the best form of help we can give, even if the one we refuse does not understand that we say no out of love.

*Beneficial help does not come from a place of guilt: If we feel guilt to help another, we aren’t doing them any favors – especially when the person we try to help is the one laying on the blame: “if you really loved me, you would do this for me.” If we constantly need to prove our love by what we do for another, it’s not help, it’s delaying their understanding of their own value by agreeing to their idea of conditional love.

It’s easy to feel overly responsible for helping others, but it is important to understand that often in our attempts to help, we make things worse. Sometimes in order for people to truly learn the lessons they are meant to learn, it is crucial they fall. If we are constantly rescued out of our problems and circumstances, we never get to see what we’re truly made of.

A couple weeks ago I wrote an article titled: “Empaths Forgot Their Power”and within just a couple of hours, it had been shared over 4 thousand times on Facebook!

I knew I struck a cord when my inbox began flooding with people expressing a common theme: feeling alone and isolated as an empath and unable to truly understand themselves. That’s when I realized a deeper contact is asking to be made — a closer connection and a network needs to form that is more cohesive and supportive.

Currently, my “Empowering Empaths” online Facebook group has over 800 members, but only about 10 people who regularly post/share. Although I love the connection we’ve made and the fact that we’ve created a platform TO share and connect, I realize it’s just not as intimate and close as I’d like it to be. I still get a lot of people emailing me privately with their questions, rather than posting and sharing with the group.

So here’s what I’ve decided to do:

Along with my “How to Heal and Thrive as an Empath“ online course, I am going to open a private mentoring group for all the people who have pre-registered. This group will be a place where we can EMPOWER and support each other on a more personal, intimate level. Not merely a place to post articles or talk about our problems, but a place where we can share our strengths, our practices, and even our triumphs, as well as get the encouragement we need when we’re feeling vulnerable and alone.

I will be posting videos regularly and opening up on a much deeper (and more personal) level about my life as well. My intention is to connect with the people who TRULY want to connect deeper, not just be an anonymous bystander who never particulates and is unwilling to to open up.

Empaths, we need each other. And not in the co-dependent, draining way we’re use to being needed, but for true empowerment and courage. We need to know we’re not alone in our sensitivities, and that there are people who not only know how to ‘cope’ with their gifts, but THRIVE. We need to know we can consciously create an epic life with our thoughts and emotions, and that being sensitive actually gives us an advantage in the manifestation department – we only need to learn to consciously direct our focus and emotions on what we WANT to feel, rather than feel we are forced to swim in every emotion that comes our way.

There is so much more to living an empowered, empathic life that “shielding and protecting” and’ just doing your best to not get hurt’ don’t even touch on. I’m so tired of that BS. We are a soul family and we have codes each other needs. Think of the Hundredth Monkey Effect — once one of us get the code for thriving and shows another how to do it, it can spread like wildfire. Think of how different life could feel if empaths were empowered!

If you are ready to go deeper and connect with your empath family on a more soulful level, you can join the “How to Heal and Thrive as an Empath” online class and be added to my mentoring group for 2 months of free mentoring. Please don’t join if you’re going to be a passive participant — we need to hear/see/experience each other so we know we’re out there. Come with your whole heart. I look forward to connecting!

Happy Monday!

I talk a little bit about the group in this audio:

Click here to sign-up for the “How to Heal and Thrive as an Empath” online class!

This week marks Chakra Center’s third birthday. And it got me thinking.

When I started this blog, I thought it was to help others. I had no idea it would be one of my greatest tools for helping myself. Through all the classes, articles, and intuitive readings I’ve done, I realize all along I was learning about me. I saw my shadows as well as my light. My poor boundaries (that I thought 8 years of therapy had cured me of) became glaringly obvious. My tendency to want to fix people made its thrilling debut. My inner critic, I discovered, was alive and well. Insecurities crept into nooks and crannies, and old fears reared their ugly heads.

But I also rediscovered parts of my heart I had long since buried. I was reminded of my endurance, realized my commitment to self-love and growth, and discovered how genuine my desire to help others thrive and feel empowered actually was. And I finally understood the saying “If you want to master something, teach.” Knowledge isn’t enough – it’s practice that makes perfect.

In the early days of blogging, I attracted a lot of wounded/broken people. I thought I could somehow fix or serve or help, but often I simply reinforced their desire to be rescued. And while I know some of them were inspired and encouraged – changed even, I ultimately felt unbalanced and wondered how I could possibly teach or talk about empowerment when I myself still felt completely drained by giving. I struggled finding my authentic voice, and felt, once again, like I was doing a great job creating an idea of what people wanted me to be, but still, deep down, remained unknown and unseen.

So I stopped blogging. I stopped teaching classes. I stopped doing readings. And I looked within. I began to consciously and consistently use the tools and techniques I was so good at teaching other people, but felt I didn’t need myself. I wrote only when I felt inspired, and I let myself feel everything that came up – which was mainly disappointment, self-loathing, and fear.

Despite my attempts to connect with others like me, I felt more alone than ever. A dark night of the soul, perhaps? An ego death? Both and neither are true. I think it was a cycle of reevaluation – we all go through it. So much of my life was spent trying to please others, that Chakra Center ended-up becoming just another extension of that same pattern – a pattern, ultimately, of self-denial. But it has been my greatest teacher, it has been the catalyst for immense growth, and I am proud of what it is, and what it is becoming.

I’m still learning about self-love. And I’m doing better. Slowly, but inevitably, I’m regaining my sense of self…finding my voice – learning, for the first time, really, that my needs matter. I no longer have to pretend I don’t have needs, or that they are small or insignificant. Because the truth is, I have a lot of needs – and they DO matter. I’m reminded of Proverbs 4:23, “Above all else, watch over the heart, for it is the well-spring of life.”

Self-love allows the nourishment and energy we need from Creator to flow freely into our lives. Without Source energy, we have nothing to give and the only way to survive is to become a vampire, or a blood doll – getting the next fix from those who will drink, and tell us how amazing we taste. Co-dependency at its finest.

I’m not doing that anymore. I don’t need others to tell me I’m a good friend, a good listener, or a wise guide – I need friends who see me and love me right where I’m at – even when I’m empty and scared and have nothing to give. I finally love myself enough to let more friends like that in, and I’m lucky to say I have a few. I cherish them.

Despite my impatient tendencies, I realize I’ve been growing/changing/evolving all along. It’s easy to get down on myself when an old habit or relationship dynamic pops up. And because I am self-critical to a fault, (and on the lighter side, introspective) I’m always looking for areas I can improve, but often miss what beautiful miracles have already taken place (slowly, quietly…unnoticeably).

That’s what I want to talk about. The miracle of simply living and growing and allowing. The amazing strength it often takes just to get out of bed each morning and breathe in-and-out all day long. Being a human is no small task. It takes bravery. Courage. Power. And despite the dark side of empathic abilities, (the trauma, the setbacks, the potency of feeling everything to the extreme), I still chose to get up every day and live – however half-heartedly, and I’m proud of that.

I chose to drop the self-judgment and simply love myself – as best I can. And better still, I’m learning to allow the Universe to love me — to feed me with that nourishing life that sets my heart free. I chose to stop treating myself (and everyone around me) like problems to be fixed. There is nothing “wrong” with any of us. We’re just living and doing our best. God bless us for that.

I don’t want to fight the world any more. I don’t want to save or fix anyone. This reality works exactly as it is meant to: a training ground for growth and expansion – where we get to experience ourselves in every context imaginable. We see what we are and what we’re not. We test our strength and our ability to love. We observe how we respond to every sort of adversity. It’s intense. Sometimes ruthless. But it’s also full of incredible magic, waiting, as Yeats said, for our senses to grow sharper.

I simply want to LIVE and experience – allowing the best of me to come forth, and learning patience and forgiveness when the worst of me shows up. I want to share my journey with others, simply because I know how it feels to be alone (for an empath, there is no scarier place to be).

And we’re NOT alone. Let’s see each other – look each other in the eye, not with the disempowering message of “you need me, let me fix you,” but with the transformative power of “I see you. I feel you. You’re not alone.”

Empaths often find it hard to keep their batteries charged. Work, social, and family obligations make it difficult to stay energetically amped up, and feeling the emotions around us more intensely than the average person makes it all the more crucial to stay in a powerful state. Operating on low energy levels is more likely to attract energy vampires and amplify our tendency to hide from social situations and personal relationships.

While frequent alone time and retreats are good (even crucial) for empaths, it’s not always practical with our busy schedules and obligations. Sometimes we need quick, go-to recharge methods that work fast and keep us in a healthy energetic state.

Here are 5 easy recharge methods that don’t take a lot of time and can help us feel continuously revived and in a state of self-empowerment:

When you’re feeling overwhelmed, drained, anxious, or overloaded with energy, pause for a moment to take some deep, life-cleansing breaths. I recommend beginning each morning with some quick breath work. I use the 8/8/8 method:

8 slow breathes in through the nose, out through the mouth, 8 in through the nose, out through the nose, followed by 8 breathes in-and-out through the mouth. With each breath, visualize all excess energy being removed from your energy body and auric field. This technique is extremely powerful, energizing, and stabilizing.

2. Epsom Salt Bath (magnesium): Studies have shown that magnesium and sulfate are both readily absorbed through the skin, making Epsom salt baths an easy and ideal way to restore the body’s energy through detoxification.

Magnesium plays a number of roles in the body, including regulating the activity of over 325 enzymes, reducing inflammation, helping muscle and nerve function, and acting to prevent artery hardening. Sulfates help improve the absorption of nutrients, flush toxins and help ease migraine headaches. I recommend Epsom salt baths as a regular energetic hygiene routine for empaths, not only for its numerous health benefits, but most especially for its ability to relieve stress and tension in the body. This is especially beneficial for clairsentients and those who tend to carry the emotional energy of others in their physical bodies.

3. Ground in nature: Nature is another overlooked, yet simple and quick energy booster. Numerous studies have proven the amazing healing benefits of nature, but we don’t need to be in some remote location in order to get the benefits. Simply taking off your shoes and placing bare feet on the grass (dirt, or rocks) for 5 min a day can do WONDERS for energetic health. Not only does the electromagnetic field of the earth clear and transmute negative energy and technology pollution, it also acts as an anti-inflammatory, calms the central nervous system, and frees the mind. Combine grounding with deep breathes. If you work in an office, try to go outside on work breaks and take your shoes off to connect, center, and recharge. Every empath I’ve worked with that does grounding as a daily practice reports incredible results to their ability to stay centered and charged throughout the day.

4. Write or talk out your emotions: Empaths process an astronomical amount of energy/emotions throughout the day. Often we don’t know what emotions/feelings are ours, and what we’re picking up from others. Allowing ourselves time to process and release feelings on a daily basis is an important way to keep emotions from being suppressed in our energetic bodies. I like to do an “energy dump” at the end of the day, and write down all that I’m feeling. It’s important not to judge our emotions, and we certainly don’t have to figure them out or “fix” them. Simply feel, validate, and release. Daily emotional processing is good energetic hygiene, and a crucial step to feeling empowered as an empath.

5. Still the mind (meditate): The amazing benefits of stillness for an empath cannot be overstated. It is important to constantly be poured out, so we can be recharged with new, life-sustaining energy. Think of yourself as a vessel that is always emptied, and always being re-filled. We are in a state of receptivity, and therefore, always being emptied. When we mediate (even just for 5 minutes a day) we still the mind and find our center. All of our power rests in our ability to be in the present moment, and in our experience of silence. In the silence, God speaks (as the say).

Because it’s easy as an empath to get lost in energy and in the emotional climate of those around us, it’s easy to forget the present moment. When we’re anxious, worried, or fearful, we are not experiencing the present moment. Take time each day to still the mind and feel the eternalness of your whole being. You are not your emotions, feelings, or thoughts – and daily reminders of this is crucial for our sanity.

I hope these suggestions helped.

Have a fabulous Tuesday and remember you are loved.

Resources:

If you’d like weekly tips on how to thrive and feel empowered as an empath, subscribe to Chakra Center (on the left).

Because my emotions/sensitivities affect everything about how I live, the decisions I make, what I will and won’t do, and how well I do my work, I’ve learned (the hard way) that if I don’t take care of my energy moment-moment-, day-by-day, I create a sort of etheric straight jacket around myself that renders me pretty useless.

When I first started learning/researching things that could help me as an empath, I noticed a common theme: hide and “protect” — defensive strategies galore. But with my job, I HAD to be around people, so I needed to learn not just how to put a bubble of protection around me, but how to line-up with the best energetic version of myself and those people as possible.

Many empaths think “shielding” and boundaries are their only forms of power, but that “solution “carries within it the very vibration of “the problem” (“I pick up negative energy that I need protection from” – is implied). But when we do this, we forget the most important part of the equation of this vibrational reality: YOU CAN’T PICK UP WHAT YOU’RE NOT A MATCH TO! So shouldn’t the solution for ANY empath involve raising your own energy so as not to be a match to low vibrations?!

If you stay in a disempowered, fearful vibration, you will be a match to people taking advantage of you and wanting to suck your energy. But if you do the work to keep your own energy clean (in the form of shadow work, emotional healing, physical exercise, healthy food) you can use your powerful sensitivities to attract incredible experiences into your life. Truly stepping into your power an empath is learning to open your sensitivities wide– to their most subtle perception, to breathe in the world around you – to experience what it’s like to live as a sensitive/empathic being that is deeply engaged and in love with the world – empowered and in energetic mastery. You get to come out of hiding and LIVE.

If you believe your sensitivities make you vulnerable and weak, you will emit that energy signal out to others. Therefore, one of the first health tips for ANY empath is to start seeing (and believing) how your sensitivity is a strength, how it can benefit you and make your life more enjoyable, how your sensitivities can help you enjoy life more, and when you tune-in and use them, how it can help you consciously manifest the energy you want to play with.

We are NOT powerless and there is SO MUCH MORE IN OUR CONTROL than most empaths ever allow themselves to realize.

Here are my tips for daily energetic hygiene, to keep empathic sensitivities keen, sharp, and working FOR you (rather than against you):

1. Tune-in to your energy regularly: Anyone who has taken my classes or read any past articles know I harp on this more than anything else. If you don’t know HOW you are feeling, you can’t move in a direction that is balanced/healthy/soothing. Many empaths have trained themselves to tune their feelings out (so as not to be overwhelmed by them) but this actually works against us in more than one way. Remaining ignorant of our own emotions causes us to overcommit and burn-out, ending-up in situations that drains our energy further (from lack of attention to what our energy bodies are actually capable of), or, on the flip side – causes agoraphobic tendencies, further weakening and suppression of our stronger, more masculine energy (which is what guards and protects our feminine, receptive sensitivities – I’m not talking about gender here folks – just energy we ALL have). Ask yourself every morning when you wake-up (and throughout the day whenever you think of it) “What do I feel? What do I need? AND “What would somebody who loves themselves do?”

These three questions can change your life.

2. Drink lots of water: When we are highly sensitive to energy, our physical bodies are the first to take the brunt of energetic excess and auric clutter. One of the most important things we can do for ourselves is to TAKE CARE OF OUR BODIES, and drinking water is the simplest place to start. I like to prepare a jar of water infused with organic cucumbers, basil, and berries, and drink a full glass every hour. If you have to, set a reminder on your phone so you don’t forget. When you do this, you ensure that your body is not only hydrated, but constantly flushing unwanted toxins/energy. It also forces you to draw attention to yourself/your body, which gives you another great opportunity to check-in “what do I need?”

3. Do regular energy cleanses: I like to imagine a white vortex of energy spinning around me, clearing and cleansing my aura. Visualization is power, and it helps to focus regularly on having our auric fields cleared, strengthened, and sparkly. Also, when you tune-in to your auric field, pay attention to how it feels. Being empathic means you are sensitive to subtle energy, and this can be used to your benefit when it comes to energetic health and attracting experiences. Pay close attention to how your auric field feels, and use the power of meditation/visualization to strengthen your magnetism, expand your energy outward (so you’re not contracting and drawing others energy in) and keeps your energy clean so you attract clean energy in return.

4. Strengthen your vibrational boarders by balancing alone time with socializing: A lot empaths feel they need to hide from the world, but if we spend too much time alone, this can cause emotional and energetic imbalances. It also fueles a powerful resistance of “outside” energies. What we resist, persists, as they say, and the solutions for being empowered as an empath is not to resist, but to overcome.

Use your alone time to really tune into your energy, feel what you need, and meet those needs (on the most subtle, energetic level). Then, before you go out, set intentions to expand and allow your positive energy to attract the same energy back to you. Imagine your energy field as powerful and expansive. As soon as you shrink within your “protection” bubble, you put out the “I’m weak” vibe – which is a perfect match for vampiric energy.

Exposing yourself to other people’s energy regularly (and intentionally) helps you practice expanding your energy out into the world, and learning what it feels like to attract powerful, uplifting experiences. If you are a constant match to energy vampires, remember that YOU are the one fueling that connection by not strengthening your vibrational boarders through RAISING your energy. Raising your energy provides an energetic barrier – like energy matches like energy: period. If your vibe is high, it is simply not a match to low energy. You don’t need a “bubble” of protection – you need STRONG POSITIVE, LOVING, EMPOWERED vibes. This can only come through EXPANDING OUT, not shrinking IN.

Obviously, pay attention to how you are feeling. If your energy is low and weak, build it up before you go out through connecting with nature, music, a salt bath and essential oils. Don’t pretend to feel strong when you don’t, but don’t use your empathic abilities as an excuse to hide from the world, either.

Make sense?

5. Use your words wisely: Begin saying affirmations out loud that uplift and empower you. Words are powerful, and I recommend using phrases that draw attention to your strength (not your weakness). So many empaths talk about themselves in incredibly disempowering terms (“I’m too sensitive. I can’t handle people’s energy. I can’t go out in groups. I feel everyone’s pain, etc.”). Feel what kind of an energetic signature those words put around you. Constantly voicing what you can’t handle fuels a strong victim vibration, which makes you, once again, a PERFECT match to energy vampires and predators. Sadly, the word ‘empath’ itself has nearly become synonymous with “victim.”

Does it feel empowering to talk about yourself like that? Start changing your vocabulary about your gift, Here are some examples:

*I am an energy Jedi Master

*I can sense the deeper, more subtle energetic vibrations of love, peace, and joy, making those emotions all the more easy to flow into my life

*I deeply feel and engage with all life forms

*I have emotional mastery

*I am a powerful magnet for love and loving people

*I attract positive people into my life

*I thrive in groups because I can tune-into and feel people’s joy and happiness, which further fuels my joy

*I am a powerful feeler, and this is a strength

Feel the difference?

I hope these tips remind you of the badass, peaceful warrior you are!

If you want to learn more about empowering your empathic abilities, check-out these online classes!

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted a guest blog, but since so many empaths (myself included) often forget the amazing, deeply present and FULL OF LIFE experience they get to have as highly sensitive people, I thought I’d share these reminders (from an incredibly inspiring blog called “The Rebelle Society“).

Here are 13 awesome characteristics of of highly sensitive people (and I’ve added my notes/thoughts about each one):

#1 Intuitive— highly sensitive people tend to be aware of what is happening below the surface, in between the lines and without an articulated reasoning.

My note: (this gives us a multi-dimensional/multi-colorful experience in any situation, and if we allow ourselves to use our intuition to learn, we often have rapid personal growth, too!)

#2 An ability to read the vibe — when entering a room, a conversation, a situation or when coming into contact with another person or group of people. Perhaps you can feel what type of mood or conversation was taking place just before you arrived, even if the people who were there are no longer present.

My note: (this allows us to be preemptive when we need to be, which can be a super power in-and-of itself)

#3 Picking up on the subtle — perhaps you’re able to respond to someone’s needs or questions before they even ask. Perhaps you can even tell when someone is lying to you o hiding something.

My note: (another useful superpower — this one can save you a lot unnecessary BS)

#4 Empathy for what others are feeling — and this goes beyond just the cordial sentiments, but getting as close to being able to walk a mile in a person’s shoes without ever putting their boots on.

My note: (which gives you the benefit of being able to speed up your own evolution process)

#5 Experiencing the extraordinary — perhaps you’re able to experience, feel and see what is beyond the ordinary…a sound, a sense, a color not yet coined — dare I say magic?

My note: (makes life WAY more enchanting — especially when you allow yourself to engage with your entire, sensitive, soulful being)

#6 Mental telepathy — this one is interesting and I’m still working this out, but it seems that highly sensitive people may have the ability to sense when someone is going to call them, send them a text message, stop over for a visit, or can even pick up on personal messages offered from others while engaging in other conversations.

My note: (this is DEFINITELY true. Once we stop believing the BS that our sensitivities make us weak, we can truly begin to open ourselves up to their full potential. In order to do this, however, you have to INCREASE your ability to feel. Most empaths spend their time trying to turn it off. Why would you do that when there is so much AWESOMENESS that can be experienced from it?!)

#7 Storytelling — because of your highly sensitive nature, perhaps you are able to elegantly and graciously use descriptive words to narrate and create the most divine of stories — played, written, painted or through movement.

My note: (again, engaging in life. When empaths come out of hiding and allow themselves to be fully present in their vulnerability and extra-keen senses, magic happens!)

#8 Going solo with confidence— you’re able to be alone without feeling lonely. Sometimes your own company is all you need and want and that’s okay and sometimes even preferred.

My note: (to take this one step further, people who are able to be by themselves are often more intelligent, self-reflective, and creative, because they allow themselves time to be an observer — to consider nuance, subtleties, symbolism, and metaphor. This gives them the advantage of self-actualization, which, is the ultimate goal of life, right? Aren’t we all trying to understand who we are and why we’re here? Empaths, if allowed out of their “protection bubble” have the ability to make their life a stunning work of poetic art).

#9 Above average mindfulness— you’re able to move to the other side of the sidewalk so someone can pass. You’re more than willing to make room for a group of people coming onto the bus or you find yourself making eye contact with a by-passer…all in the name of making it easier for everyone — them and you. Often this trait is default and isn’t something you need to ‘activate’.

My note: (and let’s face it, the world needs more of this!)

#10 Easy to cry — showing our emotions in the form of crying can come easier for us sensitive souls, but it’s also a healthy release of constrictive emotions and thought-patterns — a cleansing of our windows to the soul and our lenses out into the world.

My note: (I could go on-and-on about the benefit of tears, but for now I will just say, WORD. Tears are healing, cleansing, and a powerful way to be fully present in the MOMENT. People who spend years in caves meditating could probably reach enlightenment much quicker if they would allow emotions to be as present as the breath, and let tears lead them into the ultimate purity of nirvana).

#11 Work excellent in a team setting— due to our ability to pick-up on how people are feeling, we’re able to respond to the team’s needs to help them work in the most optimal way.

My note: (people just like you more — ha ha)

#12 Hard working — you tend to be a deep thinker and perhaps a little bit of a perfectionist. Highly sensitive people tend to put everything and a little more into tasks at hands especially projects that others will witness and be involved in.

Over the past two years, the majority of people who have contacted me for mentoring or taken my classes have either left, or are in the process of leaving religion.

Many empaths and highly sensitive people find religious environments debilitating to their sensitivities because it is often preached that emotions are “wicked,” and unreliable. Many religions ignore emotions at best, or demonize their purpose and function.

(So why do we have them, then? Small malfunction on God’s part, I suppose?!)

Although Jesus’s message was all about the heart (and he was the ultimate empath), many churches value the mind, “right practice,” and “right doctrine” over personal experience, and prioritize doctrine above individuals. Spiritual bypassing is rampant, congregants bury their emotions in duty in an attempt to “die to themselves” (rather than nurture and expand “the well-spring of life” — which is THE HEART – Psalm 4:23), and in the end, they’re left feeling spiritually empty and exhausted. They kill their passion, lose heart, and call it moral fiber.

Being ardently committed and passionate about doctrine or a “plan of salvation” is not the same as spiritual growth and expansion, and for empaths, this kind of “mind over emotion” environment is deadly.

Because I have SO MANY empaths contact me who are in this transition period out of religion, I thought I’d share some common themes I’ve noticed, things to be aware of, and resources that may help the process.

Themes I’ve noticed:

*Most people who outgrow religion feel they have nowhere to go. They either carry a chip on their shoulder about religion and turn

off all aspects of spirituality out of (understandable) anger, OR float around aimlessly with no sense of connection to others and no clear moral compass.

*For those who come from a strong Christian background this is especially true, as most Christians have a deep sense of community/family, and when you leave, no one knows quite what to do with you. It’s not that they’ve stopped loving you or no longer care, they just don’t know how to relate to you anymore. And leaving the religion feels like you’re leaving THEM. And in a sense, you are.

*Many who leave religion often go through a pendulum swing, trading a life of duty/service/rules, to a maelstrom of drugs, sex, and partying. This swing typically causes them to eventually go back to religion and shut down their hearts even further, because they never learned to trust themselves. They never learned moderation. They never figured out who they are OR resurrected their hearts. They simply tried to numb the pain by releasing all their suppression in one fell swoop. And because they made a mess of things, they feel even further convinced that they “need” religion to babysit them, because they’re convinced they are sinful to the core. In my experience (with the people I’ve worked with), this is the most debilitating conclusion one could come to.

Having a system that babysits and monitors your behavior might be good when you’re spiritually young and immature, but you are meant to eventually grow-up. A parent wouldn’t keep their kid in a play pin for the rest of their lives. That’s abuse. We are meant to grow, make mistakes, and learn how to take care of ourselves. Sadly, many churches and religions foster an unhealthy dependence on their system, emphasizing that without them and their rules/standards/structure, the people would be utterly lost and hell-bound. This is the most destructive and emotionally/spiritually stunting system a person can submit themselves to.

So what can you do?

If you’re coming out of religion, here are some tips to help you stay grounded/healthy:

*Connect with others who are in your shoes: When I first left religion, I didn’t have friends for a while – at least not any that I felt truly understood my heart. I still believed in (and had a relationship with) that which I called “God,” but I was exploring what that meant outside of the programming I’d been raised with; I had no desire to abandon it entirely. I simply needed to feel authentic, a feeling I deeply lacked in the religious environment. There were too many things I did not resonate with, and I just couldn’t lie anymore. It wasn’t until I connected with others who were on a spiritually “open” (and expanded) path that I began to truly find myself again.

Check-out Meet-up groups in your area, or connect with groups on online (Facebook has a ton). I also explored YouTube videos and found others like me (YAY), some who have become very close friends. Finding your “tribe” is an important part of the exit journey. You might be surprised how many people out there are on your same path.

*Know the withdrawal stages. This will vary for each person (depending on how severe the religious programming has been). For me, it wasn’t entirely excruciating, because although I was raised around religion my entire life (including fundamentalism) I managed to escape all the extremes, and the one church I grew up going to was pretty mild, open, and free (emphasis on having a relationship with Jesus, not on the “church” itself). But I also never deeply connected to it. I’m not sure why that is, but I have NEVER been able to connect deeply to any organization. It just didn’t resonate…and never has.

But for some of my friends/family who were in pretty extreme/fundamentalist groups, it is a much more painful, excruciating, and even terrifying process to exit. If you were raised or deeply programmed in a religion that preaches legalism and constant fear of hell, it’s extremely difficult to leave (and all the more crucial that you do, when you’re ready).

*Join support groups – especially if you’ve been in anything that resembles a cult. Again, Facebook and Google communities have groups that help people who are leaving fundamentalism. It’s important to connect with others who understand the process you are going through (so you don’t feel alone). And it wouldn’t hurt to consider therapy. A lifetime of religious programming takes time to be free from. You don’t walk away unscathed. A lot of unhealthy beliefs stay with you. And frankly, most religions don’t equip you for living a healthy life outside of their boundaries. Get the support you need.

*Have compassion on yourself. I think one of the biggest challenges people who leave extreme fundamentalism have is the ridicule and tone of ridiculousness they (and others) have toward them(selves) “how could you have ever believed in that?!”

Remember that the reasons you were in religion is because on some level it served a purpose, and the purpose is different for everyone. For some, religion was simply a stepping stone on their path of spiritual awakening, for others, it served as an escape from a destructive or abusive life.

Extreme religion often appeals to those who’ve been abused because of the strong boundaries many fundamentalist uphold. The organization will often feel “clean” and “safe” and offers an immediate sense of family and support. This is not only appealing for the abused person, but can initially feel deeply healing. The strong boundaries gives the initiate an opportunity to feel “safe” and hear messages about God – and that initial experience, regardless of how abusive the church/cult may turn out to be, is always the hardest thing to grapple with when one considers leaving. They feel the church “saved” them or that God spoke to them (or led them) there, and if they leave, it would be denying that experience.

Leaving religion also causes people to question their ability to hear God speak. This alone can be devastating. When you are raised in an environment that teaches you to listen to them (or their doctrine) above your own intuition/inner-knowing, it severely damages your ability to tune-in to your own inner guidance system. Putting your faith and trust in something external from you is disempowering. Period. It is impossible to be truly (ultimately) free when you give your power away to a person, an organization, or any doctrinal idea.

It’s okay to honor and respect your decision to be in religion. You don’t have to demonize the experience, but you also don’t have to stay in it. Every experience we have is here to teach us, and when we judge the process, we limit the understanding.

However, it is equally important to realize we grow out of things. Just as we go to 1st grade, then 2nd, then 3rd, we’re not meant to stay in the same place spiritually forever, and after a person gains a sense of safety/foundation and feels strong enough to go deeper, they often feel stunted and trapped, the once appealing religious standards now become stifling to further growth.

This typically causes one to feel a tremendous amount of guilt, (with the extra bonus of fear if the church is one that stressed the consequence of eternal damnation.)

Leaving fundamentalism can be a huge psychological mind f*&K and it takes some time to be free from the fear. But freedom does come, and often, if you love yourself enough to continue to go deeper with your spiritual growth, you find more freedom, love, and harmony than you’ve ever had in the church/group you were a part of. God is not a building, and spiritual growth is not limited to a group of people. Peace and expansion, as well as a deeper (and more freeing) experience of the Divine awaits all who love themselves enough to receive it.

(For those who ARE Christian, but have left religion or are perhaps feeling spiritually dead, this John Eldridge talk is the perfect reminder that there is nothing religious about Jesus. It’s possible to be a Jesus follower and be deeply in touch with your heart, your emotions, and your vulnerability. In fact, it’s essential:

For those who are ready to move beyond religion entirely, here are some things to challenge your spiritual journey for further growth:

Emotions can be overwhelming. Feelings like sadness, anger, grief, and loneliness can seem unbearable, especially when we live in a society ill-equipped in understanding the purpose and function of human emotion.

The typical formula is suppression, repression, denial, or some form of intellectual or spiritual bypass. We’d just assume not have any emotion, than to feel the painful ones.

Unfortunately, we need our emotions to function optimally as a human. Emotions are an integral part of our internal guidance system, and when we ignore or suppress them, we cause major damage not only to our mental health, but our physical health as well.

Here are 4 tips to deal with difficult emotions:

1. Allow yourself to feel: The reason difficult emotions feels so…well…difficult, is because we resist them. We want to feel good, and when emotions arise that conflict with what we want, we typically suppress, repress, or bypass. The resistance between what we feel and what we want to feel causes immense intensity in the emotional body — this is because the emotions are being held back. When we release into the emotion, the pressure eases.

Emotions are meant to be felt. They are our vibrational indicators and are necessary for our survival and happiness in this life. Emotions let you know where you are (vibrationally) in relation to where you want to be. When we resist how we feel, our guidance system has to resort to other measures to get our attention (like sickness in the body). Give yourself permission to feel what you feel. Feeling is not failing.

2. Validate how you feel: Once we allow ourselves to feel what we feel, validation is crucial. Often we feel as if our emotions are out of context: perhaps we feel we are overreacting, or maybe we’ve been told we’re just “too sensitive.” But emotions are always valid. We feel what we feel for a reason. The intensity of what we feel may not be directly related to what is occurring at the moment, but the emotions come from somewhere, and they matter, nonetheless. For true healing to take place, the emotional body must be trusted. You don’t have to act on the emotion for validation, simply tell yourself “What I feel is okay.”

3. Release the emotion: Now that our emotions have been felt and validated, it’s time to let them go. Emotions, once felt, must be released. Release is not the same as suppressing or bypassing. It’s not forcing yourself to feel differently or ignoring the pain. Release is about allowing our emotional body to run efficiently. Emotions are meant to flow. When we block the flow, it causes imbalances in the body and (as noted above), sometimes illness. If you’re having a hard time releasing an emotion, it probably has not been fully validated. Go back to step 2 and take time to validate how you feel. Deep trauma takes time to heal.

4. Direct your focus toward relief: Relief goes hand-in-hand with releasing emotion. Once you’ve let an emotion go, ask yourself what you need and give attention and focus to the feeling of relief. Your internal guidance always knows what it needs, and it’s always speaking to you. You may have to practice listening, but it will communicate. What do you need? Maybe it’s a hot bath, a walk in nature, or dinner with a friend. Don’t hesitate to pamper yourself after the release of a difficult emotion. Taking care of your emotional needs is how you develop trust with yourself and build a strong emotional body.

Emotions can be powerful tools, but terrible masters. Treat them with respect but don’t fear them. They are your friends and comrades in this life experience. Welcome them in.

Conflict: Most have used this ability to hide or manipulate rather than feel and thrive. We call this “helping others.”

When I first realized there was a name for what I was, I read as much as I could about what it meant, and was immediately discouraged.

The message?

You’re basically the most vulnerable person on the planet. Good luck with that. Don’t forget to “buckle up” with your “shield of protection.”

Great. So I’m sensitive (already been told that my entire life).

But perhaps the most nauseating part of it all was reading the many blog forums and online articles where empaths and Highly Sensitive People (HSP) glorified their terrible boundary issues and blood doll status as if it were a badge of service to the planet.

Ugh.

I can’t say this is true for everyone, or that how I’ve learned to thrive as an empath will work for everyone. All I know is the prescribed classic remedy of “shielding/protecting/coping” didn’t work for me. At all. And in fact, it made things worse.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

I’m no more special than anyone else because I’m sensitive. Nor am I more vulnerable or weak. People develop acute empathic abilities for all sorts of reasons: some are born that way, others learn to read people’s emotions as a means of survival due to abuse. Whatever the reason, being an empath is no more special than being good at playing instruments or sports. It’s just part of the human diversity.

I’m not trying to take away the importance or power of this gift, but I also don’t want to elevate it as a super human ability, and here’s why:

Many empaths have a deep, core sense of unworthiness, and while it is important that we learn to see our value, it is equally important not to believe that being ultra-sensitive makes us more special than others. This only breeds further isolation and elitism, which is counter intuitive, really, because the mere fact that we are extra sensitive to other people’s energy is a reminder that at a fundamental level, we are all one – we’re all connected. Deep healing, then, comes from harmonizing with that energy around us, not creating separation from it.

Second, when empaths set themselves apart from the rest of humanity as the “sensitive” ones of the planet, we typically end-up glorifying co-dependent relationships and unhealthy boundaries because we falsely believe that everyone’s happiness depends on us and we develop a sort of “helper” complex.

Or we take the shielding/protection advice and hide ourselves from the world, believing the only means of survival is to go into the psychic’s version of the “witness protection program.” We disengage from relationships and “normal” life and call it “coping with our sensitivities.”

These are two of the most common pitfalls many unskilled and unhealed empaths stumble into (and I was no exception). The problem is, helping or hiding from the world is not thriving.

Those who take the “helper/light worker” title often end-up further blurring the lines with unhealthy relationships, creating a sort of dependency on other’s needing them and identifying their ability to disempower others (by creating emotional dependency) as their empathic “gift.”

Allowing others to suck your energy dry is NOT what it means to be empathic.

You can’t make your life better (and you certainly can’t get empowered) by trying to make others happy. Making others’ happiness your primarily focus doesn’t make you a hero, it makes you a blood doll.

What to Avoid:

Don’t become an energetic food source for others. Not only is it unhealthy and unsustainable for you, it is the equivalent of energetic suicide. If you make others believe you’re the only one who can make them happy, heal them, or save them, you do them a diabolical disservice: you disempower them.

Hence the drama with empaths and narcissists since the beginning of time.

Reminders:

It is not your job to change the world (or others) and you couldn’t even if you tried.

The only person you can ever truly change is yourself. Self-mastery is the greatest gift you can give to others, because when you do it, the world sees it can be done. You become an inspiration. You make empowerment attainable.

The only reason you would choose to come into this world with highly sensitive vibrational abilities is to learn how to USE them, how to navigate with them, in order to facilitate your own self-evolution. When you evolve, you “upload” (in a manner of speaking) the codes for self-evolution/mastery into the human consciousness grid. When others see it can be done, they have more belief that they too, can have self-mastery. Running around trying to fix the world will only give you more people to fix (and will drain you of your power in the process).

The world doesn’t need to be fixed. This reality works exactly as it was created to. It gives us what we put out. It perfectly reflects “us” back to us. This is why it is so useful for our self-evolution. And this is why self-mastery is so crucial. The only way we will ever truly have enough power in the world to make a difference is through mastering our own lives, first.

This is not to say that loving others is not important. No doubt the planet could use more love. But altruism isn’t the same as dependency. In order for people to learn, they have to be free to walk their path. God loves us enough to give us that freedom, and it’s crucial we give it to others. When we do help, it should be because it feels good to do so, not because we need to be needed or because we feel obligated to do so. Even when Jesus healed he said “Your faith healed you.” The emphasis was always empowerment.

“Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.”

The Problem:

We simply got lost. We forgot our true purpose is inner mastery.

Most of us focus our attention on the external world, feel too much, shut down, and that’s the end of it.

We tune-out how WE feel and make other people’s emotions our primary focus because we think that will make us feel better. Feeling other’s emotions and trying to ‘fix’ them seems much easier, because it’s less threatening. Our own emotions, quite frankly, scare the shit out of us.

Why? Because we’ve been told our entire lives that to feel too much is to be weak. And most of us have untold amounts of heartache, pain, and even abuse we’ve never looked at. Our sensitivities make us feel too vulnerable.

The problem is, focusing on others doesn’t actually make us feel better. Sure, it distracts us, but it doesn’t set us free. It doesn’t empower us, and it certainly doesn’t empower anyone else.

At best it gives us a temporary sense of worthiness by being “needed” or loved for what we can do for them – at worst it fuels co-dependent relationships that bleed us of our power. We’re left with nothing but emptiness. And that emptiness is too unbearable to feel, so we bury it, along with every other emotion that would indicate we are OFF COURSE, and go back to allowing others to feed on us. Being an energetic food source gives us a feeling of worth and purpose – for a moment, anyway – an empath’s equivalent to a drug fix.

After the effects of the ‘fix’ wears off, we feel weak and lonely. We may have a lot of “close friends” but we feel like they don’t know us at all – not our true selves anyway, because how could they? We’ve buried our true selves along with all of our emotions. We fixate on the external world and expend our energy to its never-ending need, giving what little power we have to a cycle that can NEVER give back to us. It’s unsustainable, and it’s energetically barbaric.

So what’s the solution?

Here’s what I’ve learned:

FEEL. FEEL. And FEEL!

The biggest mistake empaths make is to shut off their emotions.

But the ability to feel deeply IS our power. It is the power of humanity as a whole. When you allow yourself to feel the emotional space WITHIN and communicate back to the world with your strong, finely tuned, highly sensitive capabilities, you create a sort of empathic dialogue with the energy around you and begin to learn what it means to create your own reality (or really, just line-up with a reality that is best suited for your growth and evolution). When you create a harmonic internal realm, the external begins to harmonize around you. That is how you bring more peace and love to the world. This is true compassion. It starts within.

This is a vibrational Universe, after all, and emotions are the strongest vibrational indicators we’ve got at our disposal. When you look at it his way, emotions, and the ability to feel deeply, becomes our super power.

Don’t believe feeling deeply makes you weak. Vibrational sensitivity gives you the power to move anywhere on the grid you wish. It’s not a matter of brute strength and it certainly has nothing to do with “logic” – it is vibrational intelligence.

This is as simple as asking yourself (in any given moment) what feels good and what doesn’t. Then moving in the direction that feels most empowering. But you will never know what that is unless you TUNE-IN!

So how do you tune-in?

GO WITHIN.

Go within. Allow yourself to FEEL where you are, without judgement or identification. Emotions are not YOU — they are simply your indicators. They help you know where you’re at so you can get to where you want to be.

Give yourself the sustaining, nurturing power of your own presence. Love yourself enough to be free from the emptiness of co-dependency.

Don’t allow the world to make you feel your emotional capacity is a weakness. Don’t believe the lie that being empathic is an acute form of vulnerability. And NEVER shut your heart down.

Oprah has a section in her magazine called “What I know for sure” (something like that). Every month she reflects on her most recent life lessons and narrows it down to what she can say she knows “for sure.” And it got me thinking; what do I *know* for sure? Believe it or not, it’s a much harder question than I anticipated – especially when I’m in such an intense process of undoing, unlearning, and unknowing.

Here’s what I’ve boiled it down to:

I know that self-love is not just about accepting our “flaws” or “humanity” – it’s also about acknowledging and allowing our power – our Being – to simply BE. In fact, my most “god-like” moments have little to do with altruism or grand demonstrations of love. Rather, the moments I feel the most content and in love with life is when I’m allowing what I feel inside to be what I express on the outside – and it changes all the time! Being authentic – allowing exactly what I am to matter – to be, and to show. The fact that these moments are standing out with such profound clarity is a deep indication of how much of my life I’ve spent being inauthentic, for the motivation of being more loved, more accepted, more likeable.

What a prison.

The truth is, I don’t know. I feel unsure. I feel elated. I feel powerful. I feel beautiful. I feel invincible. I feel vulnerable. I feel like I DO know. And rather than qualifying these passing feelings to definition, I’m simply allowing myself to be a contradiction. I find the more I embrace my inner paradox, the less ambiguous I become.

When I really think about it, the biggest lie I use to tell was how insecure or weak I felt. I told that lie a lot – because I thought it made me more likable. Somewhere along my journey I got the message that to be confident about myself was prideful. Or to do/write/be where I authentically resonated was unacceptable, intolerable, or unpalatable. In the confusion of trying to be acceptable, I forgot what it meant to be. That’s when I started to lie. And it seemed to work. People seemed to enjoy or feel disarmed by my self-depreciating tendencies, to the extent that I made it a huge part of my personality.. But it never really felt good to me. And what I’m learning is, it wasn’t fair to my relationships. Living a lie may feel more polite, but on an energetic level, it’s barbaric.

So here’s what I know for sure: I don’t want to lie anymore.

I’ve stopped pretending to be anything other than what I am. Sometimes I feel small and insignificant, but mostly, when I’m really honest, I feel/see how immense and powerful I am. That I can be significant and insignificant simultaneously is awe-inspiring. And what’s most surprising to discover is, I really like myself. I’ve spent so much time believing to hate myself was the more righteous thing to do, that I never realized I was fighting against my most basic nature, which is love. I actually love myself.

I like that I’m a walking paradox. I like that I’ve tried and failed a million times. I like that I can throw a fit when things aren’t going well because I know deep down life is MEANT to be lived awake and aware. I like that I allow my vulnerability to be seen and still take care to give my heart what it needs. But most of all, I like that I’m human. People typically associate “humanness” with being weak or flawed, but I see it as the most badass modality for expressing many truths, and failing all of them simultaneously. How ingenious of us! This experiment is working well.

So here’s to being human, to not knowing (and sometimes not even caring) what “the truth” is. I just know that I Am. And that’s enough.