Shhh… Psyche Under Construction

A Child Grows According to Inner Promptings

It is a common mistake for parents to bombard the consciousness of their babies from birth on.

Children are born with the intense ability to absorb and interact with all they find in their environment. This ability is due to a mysterious inner force operating within them. Adults are generally unconscious of this driving force, but to effectively guide and assist the child, they must become conscious of it. The source of this inner force is inborn enthusiasm, otherwise known as "Joy of Life." It manifests as curiosity, interest and attentiveness.

For the purpose of keeping the child in touch with his inner life, it is important to:

1. Lessen needless distractions.

2. Provide a calm / peaceful, (stress-free,) environment.

Frustrations mount for both parent and child when parents try to introduce inappropriate skills too soon. It is common for adults to have unreasonable expectations, especially during the first thee years if they are unaware of the universal stages of child development. For instance, as babies become toddlers parents might begin commanding, cajoling and openly complaining because their two year olds seem so disobedient. These parents blindly attempt to instill proper behavior, (and usually for their own personal convenience,) not realizing that at this specific phase, the child is incapable of following direct commands. However, they need to understand that toddlers are not ready to follow commands or learn skills through direct instruction since skills and abilities are developed according to nature. In other words, Children develop according to a natural progression of inner promptings, rather than outer.

Another thing parents can do to avoid stress and tension is to avoid over-correcting the child. Children learn by trial and error. Its wise give them the leeway to make mistakes. Also, In the early years, destruction is as important as construction, as towers of blocks, for instance, are knocked down before they are built up. By allowing children to experiment, parents can help them preserve the joy of life and connection to their inner selves.

Parents forget or are unaware that the child is just beginning to perceive, incorporate and absorb the world; the world he was born into: Your world. He is in the process of making it his own. But, for now, natural processes of skill development are unfolding. By observing these processes in action, we can discover the true nature the child. The interesting and basically unknown truth of the matter is this: the power to perceive, absorb and incorporate the environment into his own consciousness / mind / brain requires freedom of movement and action within an environment.

It is fascinating (and exhausting) to observe a child as he explores, discovers and experiments on his own. We need to have the willingness to learn about the child, rather than teach, instruct and bombard the child. For instance, babies do not require us to teach them how to talk. They learn to speak by observing people conversing with one another. They do it themselves by absorbing all they observe. What they absorb becomes ingrained into their very beings in an indelible way.

The child is programmed by nature to follow parents and adults in charge.

This knowledge should help a parent treat his toddler with patience even when he forgets a boundary. Perhaps your child toddles off a curb into a busy street. You don't know what caused him to go into the street, but the boundary can be set by physically implementing what is expected: Take the child by the hand and lead him back to the sidewalk or pick him up and carry him back. Criticizing, yelling and shouting in frustration and anger is unnecessary. Adults should realize they are very large and intimidating to a child. Patience and acceptance grants a child emotional stability.

It is important to allow the child to develop according to nature and his own personality. After all, we do not yet know him. He comes with his own consciousness and inclinations. In this way, we can avoid deviating him from his natural course of psychic growth and development, which surprisingly, can easily happen.

Children are easily distracted by adults or technology.

Children can become addicted to us or to technology. I do not believe it is a good idea to set a screen in front of child when, say, dinning out or traveling in a car. The child, who would otherwise be listening to conversations, interacting with family members or friends is engaged in the abstract reality of a screen. As he becomes mentally lazy and inattentive to life around him, he becomes addicted to this easy source of stimulation.

It is a subtle endeavor to assist the child as he builds himself and develops the abilities he needs to contribute to society and live an independent life. Knowing when to step in and when to step out is based on the ability and willingness to keenly and quietly observe the child, almost like, or exactly like, a scientist observing a specimen. What are his stimulations? What are his needs? How can we assist him toward robust health of body, mind and soul? Interacting with our child should be guided by respectful restraint and sensitive observations. And we do not have to overdo the love thing. He absorbs our love and care as we dress him, feed him and take care of him day by day.

But basically, we need to put that baby down and do our work while watching him closely in our rearview mirrors … so that he can do his work.

A calm educational and organized environment is the key, rather than a boisterous, chaotic one. Parents today buy overly colorful, noisy plastic toys that practically carry on programmed robotic conversations with the child, but what they need most are concrete things of the world, such as appropriately sized rakes, brooms and shovels. Through practice, toddlers learn to use objects for certain purposes, such as spoons for food, rakes for leaves, shovels for dirt and cups for water, etc. They also need everyday objects to manipulate and sort as they learn to classify and differentiate the varying shapes and objects in their environment.

My advice for parents:

Toddlers thrive on watching us do whatever we do. They are driven to emulate our behaviors whether we are in the kitchen, garage, garden or driving on the road, etc ... It seems they were made for any and every aspect of life around them and learning as much as they can. We can show them what we are doing and include them in our activities such as cooking, cleaning and yard work, etc.

It is important to understand that a baby is stimulated from within by a mysterious force involving nature. Any parent, by observing their children, will clearly see how they are stimulated from within to absorb, manipulate and explore everything he sees, hears, smells, tastes and feels in his environment. For instance, if you give him cups and tubs of water, spoons and bowls of food for tasting and stirring, he works quite contently. Most babies love bath-time or outside water-play for this reason. As they work, the ability to concentrate is obvious. When we let them work in liberty, their ability to concentrate increases.

And Its okay if they get wet and muddy outside with bucket and hose. Its also okay if they get oatmeal and corn mush all over the cute shirt and pants they are wearing. Don't freak out about these outer concerns for now. Soon enough, he will learn through his own volition how to avoid dropping food all over himself and learn how to stay clean and dry. Learning through his own volition is the key to a child's psychic development. However, this topic will take another Hub to cover. So, this is enough for now. Thanks for reading and contemplating … especially if you are a new parent.

Comments

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Author

Kathryn L Hill 19 months agofrom LA

Now they have messed up summer vacation schedule here.

Many parents are opposed to starting school in the middle of summer,(Aug 12,) but not enough.The parents don't care, as it benefits working moms to have a shortened summer. (They do get out earlier, but it is too hot to go back to school in August.)

Summer should be June 18 to Sept 5. Kids need to recover from the school year. I hear many teachers say… "Oh, we need our students to be in school year round so they don't forget what we have taught them by Sept."

Ha h ah ha ha!

Annabella 19 months ago

Absolutely. I thank you.

My mother thankfully was the same. She noticed how I was becoming less optimistic in my behaviour when I started going to public play groups/ primary schools. She home educated me for a while until peer pressure from society became too great for her (as she was a single mother too) so I went back into mainstream education, where I lost myself for another few years until I was old enough to decide for myself whether I wanted to continue to be in school. That was when I was 14. And ever since then, I have become more interested in learning, I have learned alot more in the past 4 years than I ever have done at school. I learned about myself and my natural curiosity to experience and become; it changed my life. I regained my health and lost 2 stone in 5 months, 'cured' my depression and anxiety etc.

And you are another shining example of what someone will become (intuitive, wise and loving) if they are brought up without the childs rare essence being tampered with too much at least. The fundemental being, a reason why our species were named Human Being, is that of a constantly expanding awareness, naturally curious and innocent; living in the moment.

Author

Kathryn L Hill 19 months agofrom LA

"Observing parents now a days are imposing their energy so much onto children, because they are being imposed upon themselves by expectations from society."

This observation and deduction has been percolating in my brain too. You explained it perfectly. My parents understood the importance of freedom, (within common sense boundaries,) for the first six years and I benefited. Then kindergarten and public school shut me down. I opened me up again after age fifteen.

We have to find a way to open back up and stay open, no matter what. Of course being proactive in keeping kids open is the ideal. We will bring this awareness in little by little with the help of observant, sensitive ones like you.

Thanks for joining this discussion.

Annabella 19 months ago

Absolutely in love with this piece. You have worded what I have known within myself for a long time. Observing parents now a days are imposing their energy so much onto children, because they are being imposed upon themselves by expectations from society.

Children in the growth stage are at the most sacred time of their life... it determines who they will become, and if all they know is stress and distractions then I wonder how they will be when they are adults?

Author

Kathryn L Hill 22 months agofrom LA

The key is to become very conscious of human development and the needs of children in early childhood. The best guide I have found is Maria Montessori.

She wrote The Secret of Childhood and The Absorbent Mind. I believe she was ahead of her time. My writing is based on what I learned from reading her books and working with Maria Peerzada, who worked directly with Maria Montessori.

Author

Kathryn L Hill 22 months agofrom LA

Yes, every child is unique with his own path and direction. We need to read the direction. Tune into it. There are clues to gather. It takes being open.

Truthfully, we are all bombarded from the time we are born.

Common sense has dwindled.

McKenna Meyers 22 months agofrom Bend, OR

I love this, Kathryn. Parents are so anxious these days and bombard their children -- and even infants -- with learning toys. I was quilty of that, too, when my boys were little and I wasted a lot of money. I love how you remind parents to respond to the individuality of their child. I was forced to do that with my older son because he has autism. He and I blazed our own unique trail and I never compared him to another kid.

Author

Kathryn L Hill 22 months agofrom LA

not too much … not to little: goldilocks principle! :-D

Thank You, ALL ! ! !

Word 22 months agofrom Chicago

Hi Kathryn, this was a very good article. All the extra stimulation is unnecessary. Thank you!

Eric Dierker 22 months agofrom Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

Excellent. Everybody has to make a huge impact on the child. All the child stimuli is just too much.

Suzette Walker 22 months agofrom Taos, NM

I agree that children do not need 'helicopter' parents. They need to learn about the world on their own with gentle guidance. However, as a teacher, I believe parents should talk to their infants even in the womb. I have taught to many children that lag behind their peers because they did not have enough stimulation as babies. I have taught depressed students because nobody talked to them as babies or as children. I do not think parents need to hover over their children as they grow up, but stimulation is important in the infant years.