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Friday, July 5, 2013

A Post from the Archives

Taking the day off from blogging today to work on my day drinking skills. Found this in the draft archive. Apparently I have 21 posts in drafts that I've never hit "publish" on. So enjoy and have a fabulous weekend. I'll be on vacation next week, but I'll have some fabulous ladies filling in for me.

I have a problem with change. That's no secret. I thrive in my little routines. Knowing exactly what to expect in the days. I've never been impulsive.

Seriously. Almost never. Anything that I have ever done that may seem impulsive has been thought about before. It is just in that moment that I decide to act.

The change I have the most problem with is people. I get that someone people grow apart. Relationships fail. I know that it is a part of life.

Doesn't mean that I like it. I'm just aware that it is a way of life.

But I hold on to those memories. Those friendships. Who those people were. And then all of a sudden I feel like I have crossed some sort of secret dimension. Where we are in the same world, just on a different path.

There was a Dean Koontz book that I was encouraged to read by someone many years ago. Many lifetimes ago. It was called "From the Corner of His Eye". It sparked my love for the author, but also a different understanding of the world.

The premise of the story is that there is this little boy named Bartholomew who is blind. But he understands that with every move you make, every decision you come to, it sparks multiple "you"s who are living on this Earth. Each one representing a choice you could have made and how your life would have lived out if you had made that choice.

The crazy part of the story is that the little boy could tap into the other "Bartholomew"s in the world who did not have the accident that he had. They weren't blind. And he could use them to see again.

That book changed my life. It made me aware that every choice that I make, big or small, changes my life. Sometimes just a little bit. Sometimes more. We are never to know how much a decision will affect us.

I was reminded of this book tonight. When coming into contact with someone who I once new. Lifetimes ago. At least it seems that way. And while I feel like I am relatively unchanged (besides being a bit more sure of myself and maybe a little more mentally sound... hey... I said MAYBE) they seem to be a complete different person.

And while I wasn't around to watch these changes, it really just makes me wonder how this all came to be.

How this person could completely change into a figment of their former self.

And if it was really me who changed.

Am I the one that has changed so much that this other person is completely unrecognizable?

Would the old me recognize this person?

A part of me doesn't think so.

That same part of me mourns that loss of this amazing person who is no longer. The personality, the insight, everything that that person brought into this world seems to be gone.

But, at the same time, it makes me wonder. Who am I to judge? I mean... maybe they are completely happy with this change?

MAYBE... this is who they were meant to be this the person they were always meant to be. Maybe, this is who they are comfortable being.

But that little nagging voice inside f me doesn't think so.

Sometimes people misunderstand my caring for being a bit... how do we say... overbearing, judgmental, abrasive, bitchy even... I'm sure the list goes on.

But, I really just think that I see how people can really be. Who they are capable of being, and while I know I haven't always been the best me that I can be... I expect nothing less than from those around me.