Welcome again to the PRISONERS OF OUR THOUGHTS conversation series. In this 2008 review, so far we have explored three of Viktor Frankl’s core principles:

---- Exercise the Freedom to Choose Your Attitude---- Realize Your Will to Meaning---- Detect the Meaning of Life’s Moments

If you missed these posts, I invite you to review them and add your thoughts! I think you will benefit from the review as we move on to the fourth principle.

PRINCIPLE 4: --- Don’t work against yourselfAvoid becoming so obsessed with or fixated on an intent or outcome that you actually work against the desired result.

Have you ever worked so hard at something that the more you tried, the harder the task became and the farther away it seemed you got from your goal? You know, one step forward, two steps back? In such situations, it is common for us to cast the blame on everyone or anyone else...or at least to shift bulk of responsibility for failing to reach our objectives on to others. In Prisoners of Our Thoughts, I share a personal example of working against myself---one that had far-reaching implications and meaningful lessons. In reflection, I had several realizations:

• I had tried too hard to get everything done “my way.”• This, in turn, estranged me from the very colleagues who were essential to the overall success I was working so hard to achieve.• My fixation on the “right” way to do things marginalized the contribution(s) of others involved and even encouraged subtle forms of sabotage.• Paradoxically, I had become my own worst enemy and didn’t even know it.

Even when the stakes are high and our success essential, focusing on the results rather than the process can actually get in the way of a successful outcome. We all know how it works: our nervousness and anxiety about “getting it right” keep us from getting it right. The higher our expectations about something, the more disconnected we are from the actual accomplishment of it all and the less able we are to participate in its successful unfolding. Our good intentions actually become the cause of our failure.

Viktor Frankl calls this “paradoxical intention.” When a specific success is so fervently sought that we overlook and neglect the relationships that are an integral part of the process, we lay the seeds for something to go wrong. We fly in the face of our own success. We neglect our own meaning, the meaning of others, and the meaning of the process.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~“The job at which one works is not what counts, but rather the manner in which one does the work. --- Viktor Frankl, The Doctor and the Soul~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now consider these questions from you own experience…and write in to tell us your story. This will help us all learn from the process...

Can you recall a situation in your work or personal life in which the harder you worked to achieve an outcome, the farther away you seemed to be from the goal?

What made you recognize that you were not making progress?

How did you rationalize or justify your dilemma? Who did you blame?

To what extent did you feel you were working against yourself?

What did you do about it? What did you learn from it? And, most importantly, how did you (are you going to) change, develop, and grow as a result of this experience?

I welcome hearing from you and will enjoy reading your posts. I'll be checking in from time to time and look forward learning from you about what you’ve learned about the value in not working against yourself!