Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Google Analytics are AWESOME

If you don't have them, you should.

I used to find a great deal of pleasure doing process of elimination and figuring out which ex boyfriends of mine were still Internet stalking me by locating them on the map and what not...so sort of, semi-stalking them in return and knowing that "no other person could have possibly Googled my name that lives in (blank) and is a returning viewer...."

It's really a fun game.

Though, not quite as fun as finding out HOW people got to your site in the first place....the amount of people who land on Chelsea Talks Smack by Googling "ball busting" is an alarming number. What I wonder is, when they get to the site- what in the HELL makes them stay on for longer than 5 minutes if their intention was to find "ball busting" anything; photos, stories (which I do have one of) videos, etc.

Here's a few more that tickle my fancy (which I'm sure someone will Google, 'tickle my fancy' now and end up at Chelsea Talks Smack, sorely disappointed and 'untickled'.) Here it goes:

-Elope + Argentina- whoever Googled that, I seriously hope you did it. What a great place to Elope. Congrats. I also got Elope to Iceland and let me personally say, I think ICELAND is a bad choice- ice doesn't scream romance to me. ?

-Funny gangsta quotes..... (I have a feeling they didn't find what they were looking for here)

-Essays on an unwelcome guest- HM,? NO idea. Sorry you must have had a rough holiday...family can be a bit tricky

-Demise of dating and texting- NOW THIS, I'd like to read. Let me know if you found an article on it

DRUM ROLL PLEASE:::: Beijing driver bikini wax:::::: what in the hell?!?!?! and the madness continues....

-Another word for ovulating- though I doubt you found the answer to that on my site, let me give you some answers; Surfin' the crimson wave, A visit from Aunt Ruby, On the rag, etc. Readers, feel free to add to this one if you have some clever phrases.....-"Sequined SAD penis"......I can't even imagine what they were looking for, a limp dick dipped in rhinestones???

34 comments:

After writing about getting dosed with GHB in a bar, I started getting some really soul-crushing searches for how to make GHB, how to dose someone with GHB, videos of people having sex with people who have been drugged with GHB, etc.HOWEVER, I have had many funny searches too (mostly about boobs & strapless dresses, after I wrote about my strapless bridesmaid dress being too large in the boob area)

If I remember correctly when I went to school they told me that Iceland was actual green and Greenland was actually icy. Why they named them that way I don't know but that alone tells me to stay away...ha

i'm more obsessed with my statcounter than google analytics (i find it is far easier to find my stalkers - two of them, also exes - that way) but i love analytics for the search terms because it seems more detailed. i think my favourite search term was "I can't stop stairing at my sister's boobs". Not just because it was random, and also a little disturbing, but because the word "staring" was completely mis-spelled.

Ha, Google Analytics don't work with Wordpress blogs (SAD DAY), but I'm just throwing my two cents in and saying that eloping in Iceland would be sweet in that you'd be the only person you've ever met who has ELOPED IN ICELAND.

Nearly all of mine have something to do with Project Runway... Either about Jeffrey Sebelia (and often, his wife) or Kenley's design that looked a lot like one of Alexander McQueen's. Some of these include: "kenley collins immature," "hate kenley of project runway" and "did alexander mcqueen think kenley collins stole his designs." I especially like when they use whole sentences that sound like an answer to whatever they are trying to find in the first place like, "jeffrey sebelia married cassandra church." I can't imagine what exactly they were trying to learn from that.

But then I also have some like "sticks snowman craiglist" (?), "two toilets" and "what cartoon had 'i love to sing-a'" (The answer to which is actually "I Love to Singa," strangely enough)

Most searches on my website (using Google Analytics for 2,5 years now) can easily be explained by one of the photo captions. The searches are as diverse as they are. Most popular ones:- "rodina mat" (huge statue in Kiev)- "suc au may" (hill in France)- "jeanneke pis" (statue in Brussels)- "abu dhabi airport pictures"

Pretty innocent. My top keywords however are "sasha dasha". Not surprisingly those people don't linger around very long.

haha that is too funny! And even funnier, I was just typing up my own version of this for my own site and found yours. Thought I was the only person crazy enough to respond to the crazies that find me through weird keyphrases! Can't wait to check the ex-boyfriend stalking part!

This blog won me over at "Google Analytics"... I am now joining the crowd of your ex-boyfriends and the people searching for "ball busting" because I've favorited your blog.

I'm in SEO & new media and I love introducing people to Google Analytics and watching them go covert! They feel like a cross between Stephen Wozniak and James Bond --that always tickles my fancy (that should boost your search results!). And so you don't have to cyber-track me, I found you through 20SB.