*me*: [insurance company], how may I help you?
*caller*: What??
*me*: [insurance company]? [me] speaking
*caller*: (sounding as baffled as I am) I was gonna order some timber, I don’t do that from you, now do I?
*me*: no, ma’am, I guess not
*caller*: I thought it was weird, the lumber yard never picks up the phone as fast as you did
*me*: (unsure how to respond) no, well … thank you
*caller*: well, anyway (hangs up)
odd thing is, she would have to go through nearly a 2 minute answering message, saying that we’re an insurance company before she got to me

Sister: “See this pie?” *shows me* “Iceland consists of fifty-three percent grassland, thirty-nine percent other (that would be the mountains and glaciers), six percent wetland, one percent forestry, one percent cropland, and zero percent settlement. There IS a sliver in the pie; it’s obviously zero-point something, but they’ve listed it as zero percent.”

(In this store, you can reserve a game or a console, but if you don’t claim it in two weeks, it’s not reserved anymore and anyone can buy it)

Me: Hello, do you have a Nintendo Wii?

Cashier: Yes, we do. But, unfortunently, the only one we have in stock is reserved for someone else. Although, if she doesn’t claim it in 2 days, you can have it.

(Two days later, I return and the Wii hasn’t been claimed. I buy it and take it home. A few weeks later, me and my mother return to the store and hear something quite interesting…)

Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T HAVE IT? I RESERVED THE DAMN THING!

Cashier: Ma’am, I told you like 5 times you were supposed to claim it within two weeks and now it’s been over a month. Someone else bought it.

Woman: WHAT KINDA BULLSHIT IS THAT? WHO THE HELL DID IT? WHO THE FUCK STOLE MY NINTENDO WII?

(Tired of her crap, I speak up)

Me: That would be me, and if you don’t shut your damn mouth, grow the hell up and try again later, I will have to teach you a lesson.

Woman: YOU SON OF A BITCH! I’M GONNA KILL YOU!

(Shaking my head, I dodge a punch from her, grab both her arms and squeeze them really hard. Just a heads up, my hands are REALLY strong)

Me: Now, are you gonna go quietly, or should I crush all the bones in your arms?

Woman: Argh… YOU!!!

(By this time, the police arrive and take statements. The woman is arrested and banned for life from the store. I got to take 5 Wii games home with me for free. This goes to show that you should be on time to claim your stuff!)