Authentic Body Confidence

Dear Bully in the Mirror,

(A love letter.)

Despite all the years I’ve listened to your comments on my body, I realize now that I never truly heard you. The stories you’ve told me about my body, the shame and pain you’ve made me feel, the fear you’ve instilled in me — I realize now what that really was.

That was your cry for help.

Obsessing about how I look, what people think about me, or about food, fat, weight, exercising, or fixing myself was your way of telling me you felt isolated and scared and alone. I didn’t realize that, by giving into your criticisms, I was only encouraging you. And I never stopped to ask you what you needed.

I’m ready for us to heal together, Bully. I’m ready for us to move beyond the body story you’ve been telling us our whole lives.

I’m ready to finally ask you what you need.

♥

Me

Has the bully in your mirror kept you from living your most authentic and embodied life?

If you’re anything like me, then you’ve spent your whole life giving into the “body story” told to you by the bully in the mirror. She’s told you a story– one that’s promoted and sanctioned by society!– about how you are always too much, and never enough.

You’ve spent years (or decades!) working hard to feel whole, worthy, and “hot enough” to finally be confident– but none of it has worked. Even if things changed for a while, something always happens — an injury, a pregnancy, a break up, an illness, a career change — and you go right back to square one.

Let’s make 2018 the year that things finally change.

All of the changes you’ve made to your body in the past — the diet, the exercise regimen, the make up, the new clothes — didn’t work because they’re a defense mechanism, a way of trying to manipulate yourself to earn acceptance and approval. But outward changes rarely come from a place of authenticity; they’re just a performance of other people’s expectations and judgements! And attempting to change or control your outward appearance won’t fix what’s going on under the surface.

What’s going on under the surface is what needs your attention more than anything– but deep down, you knew that already, didn’t you? You’re here, after all.

Which means you’re ready to approach the “body story” from a completely different place.

Welcome to Authentic Body Confidence

A program for anyone who has wasted *enough* time caring about what other people think, battling their body, trying to "fix themselves," or feeling self-conscious and limited.

Through this 12-week online course, we’ll learn how to stop giving power to the “body story” and start to dig deeper, finally dealing with the real story underneath. We’ll restore contact with your body and literally rewire your brain to “find” your body’s signals, like physical touch, physical cues, emotions, and intuition, so that you can use those signals to navigate your best life.

Since it’s a small group coaching program, you’ll have a sounding board and community, in addition to personal coaching, resources, and weekly trainings that will help you move from feeling like it’s “You versus Your Body” to feeling like you and your body are on the same team.

What is Authentic Body Confidence?

It’s no exaggeration to say that most people who have been raised or identify as female in our society were raised to play small. We are taught, both explicitly and subconsciously, to spend our lives comparing ourselves to others, seeking attention and validation, and downplaying our accomplishments.

Then we’re told a story about how the reason we feel unfulfilled, lonely, or frustrated is because of our bodies or appearance.

This “body story,” however, is a red herring — a distraction to keep us playing small instead of focusing on growing into our most potent and powerful selves. It also separates us from the wisdom of our bodies, putting us in opposition when we should be playing on the same team.

This course is about restoring contact with, and trust of, the messages your body gives you.

This is much more than learning how to eat when you’re hungry or rest when you’re tired; those are skills you may learn along the way, but they’re just side effects to being friends with your body.

The real goal of Authentic Body Confidence is to reclaim access to your internal compass, so you can not only learn how to call “bullshit” on the messages given to you both by society and your internal Bully, but also so you can move from feeling lost to feeling grounded, and from self-doubt to self-trust.

Who needs Authentic Body Confidence?

If you’ve spent even a few minutes of your life self-criticizing or worrying that you’re not living up to others’ expectations of whom you should be, then Authentic Body Confidence is for you.

You may feel isolated and alone, or desperate to be liked. You may feel like a fraud; unable to accept the attention and approval that you do get, because you know that the person you’re pretending to be isn’t who you really are.

You want to stop caring what other people think, stop people pleasing, stop battling your body, stop feeling self-conscious and anxious about how you look — but you don’t know where to start, because your internal compass is broken.

Authentic Body Confidence is your map back to yourself– and your path to freedom from the Bully in the mirror.

What will I learn in Authentic Body Confidence?

Society encourages us to keep our feelings locked up inside — and stay busy instead fixing superficial “problems” — but that conditioning comes with a price. Our internal bullies exist as a way to cope with, protect us from, and distract us from, the pain of the stories we work so hard to keep in the dark.

We focus on external things we think we can control (like weight, food, fat, or shape!) because our emotional lives are so much more painful, murky, abstract, and scary. We disconnect from our bodies in an attempt to disconnect from the feelings and stories that really scare us.

Authentic Body Confidence will teach you how to dismantle your body story, challenge society’s lies, and learn how to increase your capacity for feeling what you feel and knowing what you know. Then you’ll restore the connection between you and your body so you can finally listen to the signals it’s sending — and know what to do with them.

As a result, you’ll find yourself moving toward the life you really desire, taking way better care of yourself, connecting with others more easily, and finally feeling seen, whole, and like you belong.

With the support of me (and the entire group!) behind you during this process, you’ll come to know that you are safe to be yourself, and free to reinvent anything that doesn’t work for you.

The goal is to make the body story fade away in importance, so you can finally take your emotional health and spiritual fulfillment more seriously than your reflection in the mirror.

Maria Whitlock

I have become friends with my body. I have become so in tune with it and have huge respect and almost love for it, and this is huge for me. It is a week until Christmas and for the first time in 24 years; I am not working out for hours a day and practically starving myself, just so next week I can eat what I want. I no longer have an all or nothing attitude towards food and exercise. I move my body in ways that feel good, I know what it needs, and sometimes that is to lift weights or to jump and sweat and sometimes it requires yoga, a walk or rest. My relationship with food has changed. I can enjoy food again; I was scared to view food as anything other than fuel, in case I lost control. Now I do not fear food, I know I will be faced with all kinds of things over Christmas, and if I want it, I will eat it and have no guilt attached to that what so ever, this course has allowed me to become free and understand my worth.

I am much more aware of my thoughts and truly understand that my worth has nothing to do with my body. I knew this before, but now I believe it.

Not only did I get what I wanted from the course (which was to feel like my not-even-fat belly wasn’t a huge burden I was carrying), but I got so much more. I grieved over my leg injury, and got over it, I apologised to my body, I started playing with free-movement and dancing around my living room (which, if you knew me, is something I would have never thought I’d do, let alone actually enjoy and continue long after the course!). I had some really powerful visualisations that will always stay with me, and I shared my journey with a group of really kind, amazing, brave people.

Jessi always seems to know the right thing to say. She listens to everyone with such attention, and such care, that you can’t help but feel seen and heard. In such a safe environment, it’s almost impossible not to heal. This course is so much more than just learning to accept your body; this is about exploring — at a deep level — what it means to be you.

Susan CK, Graphic Designer

Going through ABC was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I was at a very low point in my life when I signed up. I was at war with myself, caught in a cycle of trying to lose weight, binging, experiencing self-hatred, while suffering some chronic conditions physically. I had only started the road to healing when I began ABC.

The material is life-changing and I learned so much. On the coaching calls Jessi accomplished in a few minutes what would’ve taken me days of self-reflection and mental agony to figure what the heck was exactly going on. Jessi and this workshop definitely sped up the healing process, like Neosporin.

I felt so ashamed of my body that I actively avoided seeing old classmates and friends because I didn’t want them to see me. It put so many restrictions on my life and how I could enjoy it. I didn’t want to go to the beach until after I lost weight. I didn’t go to my class reunion because I was so embarrassed of myself. I avoided photographs, and if I had to take some, tried to take as many as possible so I could pick the one that made me grimace the least. I took this course because I wanted to be able to stop holding back, to get out of my bubble of fear and actually enjoy life. While I’d like to think I’ve become more confident, it’s hard to say until something happens! I did however give you an actual photo of me to go with this statement, which I never would have done before! 😉

Frequently Asked Questions

This program is for female-identified people of any age, weight, or shape who wants to stop stressing about, hating, criticizing, obsessing over, or picking apart their body or appearance. If you feel like you’ve tried everything else and are ready to try something different and dig deep, this program is for you.

Why a group program?

To show you that you’re not alone, connect you to others who are going through a similar journey, provide a community based around shared values, and allow you to practice the skills you’re learning in a safe and supportive space.

Will this course help me lose weight?

This course is specifically designed to help you stop needing to ask that question. This is not a course intended for those seeking nutrition, weight loss, or exercise advice; instead, we’re going to turn the volume down on the voice telling you that you need to change the shape or size of your body in the first place, so you can turn the volume up on the parts of you that allow you to step authentically into yourself, your best life, and your purpose here on earth.

What if I can’t make the live coaching calls?

The coaching calls will be available on various days and times, to accommodate different timezones and schedules. I recommend making an effort to come to them if possible, but I recognize that it’s not always possible. If you can’t make the live calls, don’t worry– you can always send me questions or issues via email to discuss live on the call, since all coaching calls will be recorded and sent out to everyone after!