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my problem is major events mental,physical,emotional,and sexual I am 45 and my childhood trauma is branded in my brain cant get rid of it no matter what I take or how much I talk about it. my father beat me for many years for everything feared for my life you would have welts that would stand up a quarter inch high, then he would say if you keep crying I will give you something to cry about and he would come back and do it more I would do anything to get away I would climb trees,hide,I would run behind my mom and say momma save me save me and she said don't come over here so I would run around the couch just terrified then he would catch me this happened from 2 until about 12 yrs old my mom would hide in the closet to make us think she ran away we would freak out.my grand parents lived next door we thought we would be safe and they were in on it too. my grandpa even make a board with holes it for my dad. then I was sexually abused by my uncle and its strange but thats not as bad to me as my father but all still bother me to this day.then I was acting out at school like fighting, and biting ,I was being teased all the time I don't want to offend any one please I was hurting animals and trowing rocks into crowds of kids and didn't feel bad.But I feel horrible now and cant live with this stuff and then in jr,high and high school drugs took over and it was as much as I could get and alcohol. whenI turned 18 I got married no drugs and no alcohol and been married ever since but now the bi polar 11 has consumed my life with ptsd and anxiety and absolutely cant shake my demons and my mom passed away I think four years ago now and my father blames that on me too because of cancer don't know what to do its just crazy cant sort this out HelpView Thread