A woman goes into Discount Fishing Supplies to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday..She doesn't know which one to get, so she just picks one and goes over to the counter.The salesman is standing there, wearing dark shades. She says, "Excuse me. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"He says, "Madam, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter,I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes."She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-lb...Test line. It's a good all around combination, and it's actually on sale this week for $44."She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that, just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!"

As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor."Oh, that sounds like a Visa card," he says. As the lady bends down to pick up the card, she accidentally farts..At first she's really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no wayThe blind salesman would tell exactly who had farted.The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $58.50 please."The woman is totally confused by this and asks,"Didn't you tell me it was on sale for $44. How did you get $58.50?""The Duck Caller is $11, and the Fish Bait is $3.50

One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, I'm not going."

"Why not?" she asked.

I'll give you two good reasons," he said. "(1) they don't like me, and (2) I don't like them."

His mother replied, "I'll give you two good reasons why you SHOULD go to church:

(1) You're 59 years old, and (2) you're the pastor!"

~~~~~

The Picnic

A Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic Priest met at the town's annual 4th of July picnic. Old friends, they began their usual banter.

"This baked ham is really delicious," the priest teased the rabbi. "You really ought to try it. I know it's against your religion, but I can't understand why such a wonderful food should be forbidden! You don't know what you're missing. You just haven't lived until you've tried Mrs. Hall's prized Virginia Baked Ham. Tell me, Rabbi, when are you going to break down and try it?"

The rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin, and said, "At your wedding."

~~~~~

The Usher

An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps.

"Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely.

"The front row, please," she answered.

"You really don't want to do that," the usher said. "The pastor is really boring."

"Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired.

"No," he said.

"I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.

"Do you know who I am?" he asked.

"No," she said.

"Good," he answered.

~~~~~

Show and Tell

A kindergarten teacher gave her class a "show and tell" assignment. Each student was instructed to bring in an object that represented their religion to share with the class.

The first student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Benjamin and I am Jewish, and this is a Star of David."

The second student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Mary. I'm a Catholic and this is a Rosary."

The third student got in up front of the class and said, "My name is Tommy. I am Methodist, and this is a casserole."

~~~~~

The Best Way To Pray

A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the best positions for prayer, while a telephone repairman worked nearby.

"Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray," the priest said.

"No," said the minister. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven."

"You're both wrong," the guru said. "The most effective prayer position is lying down on the floor."

The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas," he interrupted. "The best prayin' I ever did was when I was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole."

~~~~~

The Twenty and the One

A well-worn one-dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty-dollar bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired.

As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they struck up a conversation.

The twenty-dollar bill reminisced about its travels all over the country.

"I've had a pretty good life," the twenty proclaimed. "Why I've been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City, the finest restaurants in New York, performances on Broadway, and even a cruise to the Caribbean."

"Wow!" said the one-dollar bill. "You've really had an exciting life!"

"So, tell me," says the twenty, "where have you been throughout your lifetime?"

The one-dollar bill replies, "Oh, I've been to the Methodist Church, the Baptist Church, the Lutheran Church."

The twenty-dollar bill interrupts, "What's a church?"

~~~~~

Goat for Dinner

The young couple invited their elderly pastor for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having.

"Goat," the little boy replied.

"Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?"

"Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Dad say to Mom, 'Today is just as good as any to have the old goat for dinner.' "

The madam opened the brothel door and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.

"May I help you sir ?" she asked."I want to see Valerie," the man replied."Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies.Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam.

"No, I must see Valerie," he replied.Just then Valerie appeared an announced to the man she charged $5,000 a visit. Without hesitation the manpulled out five thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour the man calmly left.

The next night, the man appeared again, once moredemanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no onehad ever come back two nights in a row as she wastoo expensive. But there where no discounts. the price was still $5,000.

Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour he left.

The following night the man was there yet again.Everyone was astounded that he had come for a thirdconsecutive night, but he paid Valerie and the wentupstairs.

After there session, Valerie questioned the man, "Noone has ever been with me three nights in a row.Where are you from ?" she asked.

The man replied, "Ontario"."Really ?" she said. "I have family in Ontario"."I know" the man said. "Your sister died and I am herAttorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000inheritance.