So far, Harlow's #watermelondress was on both Inside Edition and Kelly and Ryan Live. Mazzy was like, "Wait! What about MY watermelon dress???" She's right. The pink fringe cap sleeve is an excellent addition. Still think #babymeloning is the better hashtag!

Everybody is smiling and looking at camera! I just posted my latest travel vlog which follows our three day road trip in Central New York! It rained a lot but we still had tons of fun. Don't miss Harlow dancing like a robot and Mazzy talking "duck." I think this is my favorite travel video so far. YouTube link in bio!

She's getting her hair cut today. I was going to leave work and meet her and our sitter there but I'm too swamped. It's the first time she's getting a cut without me. Fingers crossed they don't chop it all off or give her faux hawk!

If you don't already know, "a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios with milk" has replaced Harlow's waffle obsession. She asks for it every single morning, in those words exactly. If I were to say, "Harlow, do you want a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios?" She would say, "Yes, WITH MILK." Also, ever since Harlow and I made that video about how to make cereal (link in bio- FYI, the longer YouTube version is even better than the one I put on Insta), Harlow has been really into making her own breakfast in the morning. Her and Mazzy have even taken our cereal orders at night and then pre-set the table with our names written on the napkins. Then they instruct us to stay in bed until everything is ready. It's actually some of the few times we've been able to sit down to breakfast all together as a family at the dining room table. Thanks @cheerios for helping make the mornings easier this summer! #generalmillscereal #sponsored

You Can’t Beat The Heat With Pooh

A few weekends ago, it was over 100 degrees in NYC. I was alone with Mazzy while Mike was away on a golf weekend. (Feel free to take a moment to yell profanities at my husband for leaving his wife and child in favor of selfish leisure activities. At least when I abandon my family, it is for work purposes.)

Staying in our apartment was not an option because a) our air conditioner was not cooperating b) there’s not enough space to run around to sufficiently tire a toddler out for a nap and c) there was a small chance I’d throw myself off my balcony due to sheer boredom.

As I fed Mazzy breakfast and changed her into the lightest apparel I could find, I quickly planned “Operation: Beat The Heat” which involved finding toddler activities in a five block radius of our apartment that were air conditioned.

Unfortunately, successful operations require some trial and error.

TODDLER ACTIVITY PLAN #1: THE LIBRARY

Books and toys in just one block walking distance. What could go wrong? How about every parent in the East Village having the same idea resulting in a children’s section hotter than the sun.

Verdict: FAIL

TODDLER ACTIVITY PLAN #2: THE MOVIES

Winnie the Pooh was playing at a theater two blocks away. I had never taken Mazzy to the movies before but I bought a ticket based on the following false assumptions:

1) She would be so entranced by the huge screen that she would sit still for 60 minutes.

2) Everybody in the theater would have kids, so if Mazzy did freak out, I would be in an understanding place.

3) There is nothing more harmless than Pooh.

I armed myself with a sippy cup and a snack trap of Annie’s Cheddar Bunnies. Then I escorted Mazzy into the packed (albeit wonderfully air conditioned) theater just as the lights dimmed and the coming attractions filled the screen.

She sat still for about five minutes.

By the second preview, Mazzy was up, off and running, full speed towards the screen.

When she got to the front row, she plopped down on the floor in the middle of the aisle, craning her neck upwards to see the movie. All eyes were on me as I ran after her, scooped her up and brought her back to our seats.

Two seconds later, she was up and running towards the front again.

This time there was some snickering from the audience. (Thank you, thank you very much.)

I ran after her once again, brought her back to our seats and attempted to occupy her with copious amounts of cheddar bunnies. She inhaled the bunnies and was promptly off again.

(If you’re wondering why I didn’t put her on the inside while I sat on aisle, you underestimate both me and my daughter. I was on the outside. Mazzy is quick, resourceful and undeterred by a pair of legs.)

On the third time down the aisle (as people continued to laugh at my inability to control my child), I decided to let her stay there. If I sat in the first row, she would be sitting next to me on the floor. While it might not be a stellar parenting moment, at least I’d give the appearance of supervision and attentiveness.

I ran back to retrieve my bag, the bunnies, and the sippy cup. Then I gave a few parents my best “sighing smile” as I hurried to the front and took a seat next to my daughter.

You know what Mazzy did next?

GOT UP AND RAN TO THE BACK.

More laughter.

(Did I mention how well-behaved everyone else’s kids were?)

Once I got to the back, MAZZY RAN BACK TO THE FRONT.

Louder laughter.

At this point, I became aware that I was more of a spectacle than the movie. I also realized that the rest of the kids were staying in their seats because they were several years older than my daughter.

I thought about turning to the audience and shouting “I’m not a horrible parent! I’ve never taken her to the movies before! It’s just REALLY FUCKING HOT!!!”

But decided to pick Mazzy up, take her to the back of the theater and try watching the movie while standing up and holding her in my arms.

It was at this exact moment the coming attractions ended and the actual movie began.

Winnie the Pooh filled the screen.

“BEAR!!!!!” Mazzy shouted as loudly as someone yelling “FIRE!!!”

I have never fled a place so quickly.

Verdict: FAIL

TODDLER ACTIVITY PLAN #3: PC RICHARDS

Four blocks away, 100 flatscreens, endless room to dance and no judgement.

Verdict: SUCCESS!

———————–

Am I the only one that has attempted to take their toddler to the movies? What do you do to beat the heat with your kid if a body of water isn’t nearby?

I just read this OUT LOUD to my husband while snorting and laughing. He has this wonderful idea of taking our daughter (basically same age as Mazzy) to see Pooh…..
Thank you for aiding in our decision to NOT.
🙂

That’s awesome. More a tip for you than for baby. This has helped me through two A/C-less summers in the Poconos, as well as my hotflashy momma. Wet rag + 5 drops of Peppermint oil + Freezer. Put in on your neck. Once I’m about to refreeze it, I rub it behind my toddler’s knees and such. Oh yeah, and we went to Chuck E. Cheese on the day that was supposed to be the hottest. Although, toddlers are ticket thieves.

Ha. The “sighing smile.” I know it well. And yeah, it’s always sooooo funny when it’s not YOUR kid!
I think I took mine to her first movie around age 3. By then, of course, she was well-trained in the art of sitting on her butt and watching TV. :-/

Sprinkler or small pool in the shade on the back lawn works well on stinking hot summer days here in Perth… of course this is of absolutely no use if you don’t have a back yard with lawn (or water)… so then I would suggest um er… the movies?!!? I have never braved the movie theatre with my two petals without the assistance of my husband. So you are a braver woman than I!

This is hilarious and something I expect once I take my 21 month old to watch Cars 2 this Wednesday. This will be the first time he’s ever been inside a movie theater. But he has been in an IMAX theater to watch a 30 minute presentation of Elmo and the Stars, he sat, “oohed” and “ahhhed” and ate popcorn the whole time…so I guess for a movie twice as long I should bring twice as much popcorn! (and maybe the nanny, coz I don’t wanna miss the movie =D)

i was contemplating a try at winnie the pooh, but think we’ll skip it and the need for me to work on my sighing smile.
b/c i am the funnest mom on the planet, i consider hot days to be the perfect time for launry in the cool, dank basement.

I couldn’t help but laugh, I have yet to take my toddler to the movies for fear of the very same things happening. I commend you for your bravery. And my daughter LOVES to just stand in the tv section of the store and dance as well. lol 🙂

You know, I have been entertaining the idea of taking my 16 month old to a movie… I really want to see Smurfs. Glad I read this first. She’s a ball of energy BUT I have on occassion seen her sit totally still for about 45 minutes in front of the tv on Nick Jr. Of course I have also seen her run in circles and throw sippy cups at the tv. I wonder which would happen in a theatre???

Thanks for the tip! I thought about taking my son to see Cars 2 this weekend. It’s at the $2 theater so at least if he’s restless it’s not like I wasted a small fortune. But I relunctantly decided nay. Now that I read this, though, I’m pleased with my decision.

Mazzy has sat (or stood) still watching Sesame Street fro an extended period of time but that’s at home in familiar surroundings. I think the long lit runaway (aka the movie theater aisle) was just tempting not to run down.

Ha ha ha ha ha! Ha! I now have three girls able to sit through movies, but the Rooster, at the tender age of I Will Fuck This Show Up! is not movie friendly.
I tired to take the lot of them to a free movie last summer, thinking it would be easy-peasy because it was a showing of an older kids’ movie and free, so, what were patrons going to do, ask for their pretend money back because the toddler in the back row kept yelling?
FAIL
And that’s why I laugh.

This was awesome! I’ve wondering myself if I could get Caitlyn to sit through a movie. I’m really glad I nixed that idea though. Other ideas? Not anywhere within walking distance, that’s for sure. There’s a children’s museum in Philly though, geared toward 5 and under that we went to this weekend. It’s called the Please Touch Museum. And I highly recommend it. There is truly no judgement there, and as the name states, they can TOUCH EVERYTHING and run around like lunatics. Caitlyn was exhausted when we got back.

“Sighing smile” is brilliant, and I have flashed many of them. You always hope there’s another mom who will give you the Smile of Understanding in return.
We do sprinkler park, baby pool in the backyard, or when all else fails, TJ Maxx shopping spree, but granted, I enjoy that much more than Hazy does.

hysterical. And it could be worse, at least your kids aren’t petrified by the movies.
My suggestions: don’t think library, think Barnes & Noble. They have awesome A/C, a “we don’t care if you talk” policy AND usually a Starbucks to serve frothy icey goodness.
Also, check out Baby Loves Disco. You will LOVE! Or at least Mazzy will. 🙂

We live in New Jersey, so we had the same heat. It was brutal! I tried to take my oldest to the movies last summer when I was 7 months pregnant with our second and I couldn’t take the heat. He was 2 and didn’t even last through the previews due to the noise. *I swear they turned it up extra loud for that one*
Honestly we live 10 minutes from the beach and with a toddler (as you have pointed out in earlier posts) the beach isn’t the best place when it is SUPER hot either. BOok stores are great since they have a kids section but also lots of isles to run around. The mall too. Let us hope that the SUPER HEAT is gone for the summer. On a plus side, both my boys (3 & 8 months) LOVE running around naked in our house while it is hot.
Love your blog. Super funny. Wish I could write like you.

You are brave. Or possibly stupid, but I’m going to go with ‘brave’ because I like you. 🙂 Yeah, I’ve never taken Lil’ Bit to the movies. Wouldn’t even dream of it. She doesn’t even like to watch TV, so a movie? Forget it.
But the PC Richards idea? Brilliant! (And another reason why I’m going with ‘brave’ over ‘stupid’.)

Mazzy would lose her mind in Chuck E. Cheese. Then we’d have to go back there over and over again. And she’s totally wreck my skee-ball record. I can’t have that!
Thanks for the peppermint oil advice. I love a good home remedy!

I wonder if Elmo would have made a difference. Keep the previews in mind when you go. We sat through a half hour of previews and didn’t make it to the movie. Maybe occupy your kid outside in the hallway until it’s about to start.

I remember taking my kids to see Jungle Book II and Piglet’s Big Movie – but I don’t remember how old they were at the time. I will Google the years they were made and be back.
I know. You’re on the edge of your seat.
Or on the floor in front of it. Either one.

Okay – the verdict was 2003 which means my kids were 3 and 5 years old.
So older than Mazzy (and my younger one was a sitter. so for us they sat.)
We went as a family and I will never forget the moment my husband turned around and realized that every other adult in the theater was asleep.
They had their arms around their respective kids so the child couldn’t make an escape (Mazzy-style) but they were napping to a man.
Oddly, I remember the parents WERE mostly men. They were probably trying to give Mom a break. Or maybe back from a golf weekend???
We cracked up hard and gave some thought to going to sleep ourselves. But by then, I was working a serious sugar-high from Red Vines.
p.s. My kids HATE the movies now that they are teenagers and we could actually drop them off for a couple of hours to have sex. Little bastards.

There’s always water play in the bathtub (just make sure you have everything you need in there with you, especially a towel or three, and close the door TIGHT.
Any indoor play parks? The grocery store is cool too — especially in the produce aisle (don’t go near the ice cream, it won’t be pretty).

I read this about a week too late. We attempted to take our almost two year old to a movie thinking it would be a perfect way to beat the heat and kill some time. Fail. Nothing has an attention span shorter than a toddler.

It’s possible I was getting Smiles of Understanding in return but it was dark so I couldn’t see them. It is also possible that people were laughing at the horrible Hugh Jackman robot movie preview, but I highly doubt it.

Hate movies? Any advice you can give to make sure that doesn’t happen??
I’m a red licorice at the movies kind of person too. I was actually hiding some twizzlers in my bag from Mazzy but I never got to sneak ’em. We left too soon.

I have discovered that baths are awesome for getting ready in the morning. Plop her in the tub with some toys and I’ve got as long as I want to put on make-up and do my hair.
(Bath tub is right next to the sink so nobody think I’m not supervising, please.)

Do you have a bathtub? We’ve ‘gone swimming’ in the tub before on vacation when it was raining and we were stuck inside.
We didn’t take Kiki to the movies until she was nearly 4 (Bee Movie). Kyle has been but that was before he could walk. I probably won’t take him again for a while after reading this!

Three pieces of advice:
1. Just like when you go on a long plane ride, tire the kiddo out beforehand and skip her nap. She should sleep for a good while. Unless your plan backfires and she’s not only exhausted, but she’s a grumpy mess.
2. Copious amounts of snacks. Not just the fish, you have to have cheese and fruit and cereal and crackers and wine. (That last one’s for you, not Mazzy. Call me trashy, but the sippy cup’s good for more than milk & juice.)
3. The iPad. I know, it’s ridiculous, but numbers 1 and 2 got us through the first 45 minutes of My Idiot Brother (we thought she’d sleep through the whole thing…wrong!), then #3 got us through about another 25 minutes.
After that, it was mayhem.
But on another note, in San Diego we have parent movie mornings where babies/toddlers/little monsters are welcome!

There’s a new sculpture in Astor Place that broke my heart. It is called The Last Three. It’s 17 feet tall and represents the last three northern white rhinos on earth. Their names are Sudan, Nijan, and Fatu. Sudan is the last male. He is 45, which is the life expectancy for a rhino. His daughter is Nijan and his granddaughter is Fatu. Rhino horns are worth a ton of money so they are in constant threat of poachers. This public piece of art was created by artists Gillie and Marc with the hope of educating and inspiring others to care about the plight of the rhinos. It worked on me. Their aim is to collect 1 million goodbye messages on www.goodbyerhinos.org and put them towards a petition for approaching governments about eliminating the demand for rhino horns. Please like, comment and tag your friends to get this seen by as many people as possible and feel free to regram and share! 😥 #goodbyerhinos

New York is still freezing so instead of doing our usual ski trip in March, we decided to switch things up and go somewhere much warmer. Not sure when I’ll post on my feed, but you can follow along on my Instagram stories...🌴☀️🥝👙🦎⛱⛵️✈️🍹🤸‍♂️😎 #comingsoon

Sometimes I look at my Instagram account and think— man, this feed really needs some adults. Who is running this thing??? And because I know everyone is going to ask where @littlemissparty got her dress, I already asked. It’s vintage. She bought it when she was 19. Sucks for the rest of us! I got my shirt at Aritzia. Thanks for asking 🤣 Have you guys watched our Instagram lives together? I like doing it so much better with a friend! We are on a two week break because our schedules are all crazy but will do it again after that. What would you guys want us to talk about? Any questions for two NYC working moms???

Harlow has a very important message for everyone. Brought to you by Super Why, I think. Also, this impromptu performance was 100% because Harlow noticed me upping my intake of fruits and vegetables this week. 🍎🍌🥕💪🏻 #harlowunplugged #eathealthy

For those of you asking about my Detox, I’m on Day Four. It ends tomorrow. Thank god because I can’t even look at beets anymore. Biggest lesson is the same thing I learned and forgot last year when I did this. GREEN JUICE MAKES ME FEEL EVEN MORE ALIVE THAN COFFEE. Yes, I said that in all caps like a crazy person. Doing a detox does make you feel somewhat like a crazy person. I know detoxes aren’t for everyone but if you are interested, follow my friend @zengirlfitness for more details. She’s been leading a bunch of us through this all week 🥦💚🍵🍏🍋🍉🍐