Duff: Value of parenthood can’t be counted

The USDA said last week that a middle-income family can expect to spend $245,340 to raise a child born in 2013 to the age of 18. Yep, a cool quarter of a million dollars, and that doesn’t even include college tuition. The ag department has released the report every year since 1960, and every year, the costs increase and gasps are heard ’round the country.

Not surprising, the major expenses are housing, followed by education and child care.

I guess knowing how much it costs to raise children is a good thing. We all should go into parenthood with our eyes wide open, if not our pocketbooks. It’s easy to get lost in the vision of tiny booties and cute onesies without fully understanding the realities of parenthood. But very few things about raising children are easy for parents when it comes to loss of sleep; adjusting or changing careers; and choosing child care, schools, churches and friends, etc. Difficult times and difficult choices are ahead, regardless of whether parents are wealthy or even good savers.

Still, to those who are weighing whether to have children based solely on expenses, perhaps it’s time to decide not to have kids. Yes, finances are an important factor, but money shouldn’t be — cannot be — the only consideration. Besides, the nice people at the ag department are likely low-balling the costs anyway. With three children of my own, there is a valid reason why I don’t carry much cash. It just disappears when kids are around. Even the best accountants can’t track what happens to those greenbacks when children are part of the equation.

I’ve always believed what is in the heart always prevails over what is in the ledger. In other words, the emotional investment, balanced with all the realistic information we can gather, should be the determinant for those deciding if they want to enter the journey of parenthood. If there is a heavy toll on the wallet when raising children, imagine the innumerable burdens on the heart. But don’t forget the boundless joy and laughter. Children represent the intangibles of life, such as unconditional love, hope and a clean slate for the future.

I believe every prospective parent should ask himself or herself just why they want to be mothers or fathers. What do you really want out of the experience of raising children?

If every reason that emerges has to do with you instead of the child, then it’s time to move on to other pursuits.

But if you are looking for a “job” where the pay comes in priceless smiles and occasional snuggles, and where the ROI is secure, satisfied children or at least the promise thereof, then consider jumping into the pool. If you want to raise a child rather than be a parent, then welcome to the club. The USDA gives us good information, but it does not give us a window into the heart.

Kathleen Duff is the Coloradoan opinion editor. Reach her at KathleenDuff@Coloradoan.com or follow her on Twitter @Familywriter.