A life lived in the feminine. Hear my tales.

Month: May 2016

At five weeks pregnant, the smell of an onion bagel toasting caused me to throw up. Sounds like normal morning sickness, right? But the puking didn’t stop. It was day in and day out—and not just from food smells but from motion, too. At 33 years old, I’d been married for three years, and was ready to have a baby. But I was worried.

The next week, I stopped eating—period. I tried preggie pops, crackers, you name it: Nothing stayed down. I stayed in bed each day and couldn’t even go to work. I lived on ice cubes. I could barely say two words to my (now ex) husband, and I’m a talkative gal, so he could tell something was wrong. Still, he wondered if I was just exaggerating. And while my friends knew I didn’t feel well, they didn’t quite understand what I was going through.

Getting married? It’s an exciting time and one of the greatest joys in your life. You are about to start a brand-new chapter in your life that is like no other chapter you have experienced before. However, perhaps there are a few things on your mind that you are afraid to say or note to anyone. It’s not unusual to have second thoughts before getting married or “jitters,” but sometimes, those second thoughts are really our instincts trying to tell us something. That instinct may be trying to say, “Are you sure that marriage is the right thing to do with this particular person? Are you sure that this is a good relationship?”

Just because someone will offer you a ring does not mean that that person is the right person for you for the rest of eternity. Pay attention to your gut and listen: your instinct may be trying to tell you to watch those little red flags that are creeping up in your relationship. The bottom line? Breaking up is a thousand times easier than divorce, my friend. It takes minutes to get a marriage license. A divorce? That could take years.

As a working mom, your childless co-workers may or may not have thought this about you as a working parent and co-worker.

It’s not that your childless co-workers aren’t awesome — they are! — or that they don’t like kids (they may or they may not!) but that from time to time, they think you get perks that are unfair thanks to your status as a mom.

1. How Come She Gets Flex Time?

I am of the school of thought that companies should offer flex hours, whether you’re a parent or not. I understand that not everyone may deserve that privilege, but if employees are stuck to their desks and jobs 24/7, eventually, they will quit. Burnout is not pretty, and if you are a working parent, you know how hard that work-life balance is. Everyone needs it.

Does your child hover at your bed like he or she is an alien looking to infest a foreign planet? Does your child stand by your bedroom door at night with a placard saying, “Hell no, I won’t sleep…in my own bed!” or “Equal rights for kids: GIVE US YOUR BED?”

If you answered yes, you’re ready for a night of co-sleeping with your kiddo. Here are some tips to make it through. Use at your discretion.

1. Don’t sleep at all. Lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. Try to move or change positions and bam! —you realize moving is impossible because your child has taken up most of the bed. Learn to close your eyes and fake sleep, lest your child catches you awake in the middle of the night and wants to ask for a snack, drink of water or perhaps, more of your dwindling energies and resources. Whatever you do—shut those eyes!

In all truth, ever since splitting from my former husband, the hardest times for me have been holidays…and summer weekends alone. It’s easy to understand why adjusting to sharing holidays has been hard. Thankfully, my ex and I split almost every single holiday day in half since we live close. But why have I found summer weekends alone to be hard in particular? Well, I suppose it’s one thing to be alone on a frigid cold winter night. Is everyone else going out and having a good time? Most likely not. Most likely they’re Netflixing and “chilling” or literally watching Netflix alone like any other single gal home at night on a Saturday in January. But in the summer there are a lot of family vacations, hot summer romances, trips away…and as a single person who hasn’t been too impressed yet with the dating pool, the nights I found myself struggling to find something to do felt pretty awkward and sad in the past. I was, in theory, supposed to have “fun” on my free nights and be out like everyone else, so why wasn’t I? I mean, I was having fun sometimes, but it was hard to find other single people ready to go out. It seemed like more of a chore to find something to do than I had expected, but most of my friends were home with their partners, like other married folks.

Getting a divorce is a stressful ordeal, whether you’re divorcing a total nightmare or a decent person. Everyone, and I mean everyone, will give you legal advice, from your Aunt Edna to the random dude on the subway.

Most people mean well: your loved ones want to see you happy and taken care of, and strangers most likely don’t want to see you make the same mistakes they made. Still, the only person that can really give you honest legal advice is a lawyer or mediator. But you can learn from others who have divorced and learned hard or small lessons in the process.

As someone finalizing a divorce, there are a few things I would have done differently if I could go through the divorce process again. Perhaps my words may end up helping you if you’re taking the journey toward severing your marriage.

I own probably seven shades of the “perfect red” lipstick/gloss. I know of almost every beauty trend that women over 30 can pull off without looking foolish. From cleansing oils and the latest trends in exfoliation — Korean rice enyzmes, anyone? — I love beauty!

As a child, I devoured my oldest sister’s drawers, picking through and trying out her lipsticks. Wet n’ Wild. Brucci. CoverGirl. Maybelline. From jingles to brand names regarding makeup, I knew them all. Besides, I grew up with four other women, and there was plenty of makeup to be had. Yet when I hear about all the makeup parties and clearly gendered “girls’ parties” that kids have these days, I feel conflicted.

Not everyone needs to be a parent. Let’s face it: there are some people who just don’t belong in charge of a little person. If you don’t want kids and know that, good for you. There’s no requirement that states you have to reproduce, unless of course you’re a firm believe in the bible.

Don’t quote me, but I’m pretty sure it’s a requirement of Christianity to at least try to begat kids if you’re able. Either way, there are some folks who need to steer clear of making babies. Here are a few signs you’re better off not being a parent.

The world ends and starts with you.

When you have a child, your own personal agenda tends to go by the wayside, because when kids are little they simply cannot care for themselves without the guidance of you, the adult.

Having been once “just married” and now currently “just divorced,” I couldn’t help but think of the differences and similarities between the two drastically different life stages!

The Difference With “Things”

Just Married: You’re excitedly adding new “things” into your lives as Mr. and Mrs. or Mrs. and Mrs.! From crockpots to towels, everything is for the two of you!

Just Divorced: You’re not-so-happily dividing your stuff up and really hoping to God your ex wants that ugly knickknack his or her mom got you when the two of you first got married. OR you’re so glad you cleaned house, the two of you, and now only have what you really want — well, minus that Keurig!

Telling your children you and your partner are getting a divorce is probably one of the hardest conversations you’ll ever have in a lifetime, hands down.

Unless your kids are dying to have the two of you split up due to stressful family arguments, most likely your children will be very sad. However, there’s no way around it: you can’t hide a divorce from the kids, but when you tell them, you and your partner can make the process easier by considering these few aspects and tips!

Practice Ahead of Time

This is not the time to “wing it.” You and your partner need to sit down and discuss how you two are going to break the news to the kiddos. Obviously you cannot plan every last breath and syllable, but the two of you can go over the main components of your message to the kids. The absolute worst thing to do would be: