Tag: Parenting

“Family” will be
the topic of the worship service led by our confirmation class in May. What
comes to your mind when you think about family? The class has discovered great
variety among their families; among these 10 students they have same-gender
parents, divorced parents, heterosexual parents, step-parents, step-siblings,
half-siblings, families formed through adoption, family members who are
transgender or gender non-conforming, and families filled with friends, pets,
and neighbors who enrich their lives.

There
is no such thing as a “simple” family.

In preparation
for our conversations, I have enjoyed reading a variety of books about families.
AllYou Can Ever Know by Nicole Chung describes the author’s experience
of being an adopted Korean child raised by white parents. Inheritance: A Memoir of Genealogy, Paternity, and Love centers on
author Dani Shapiro’s shock at discovering that her recently deceased father
had no biological connection to her. A simple DNA test uncovered both secrets
and a biological family that threw her understanding of herself into turmoil.
Nishta J. Mehra explores definitions of “family” in her book Brown White Black: An American Family at the
Intersection of Race, Gender, Sexuality, and Religion as she describes the
many ways her family, with same-sex parents and an adopted child of a different
race, challenges our society’s “norm” of white, straight, biological families.

Families
come in every shape and size and can be created in many ways.

The confirmation
class has looked at biblical families like Abraham and Sarah’s, which is large,
sprawling, and filled with such complex connections that a written family tree
is the only way to sort out who is who and how each person is related to the
other. I was reminded of this when I visited a parishioner who introduced her
guest as her third cousin; they cheerfully outlined their family history that
reached back through a complicated mix of grandparents, cousins, and marriages.

The class read about dysfunctional families; the first book of the Bible
contains both the murderous Cain and Joseph’s treacherous brothers who abused
and rejected him. The lack of caring and compassion is breath-taking. (Ultimately
there is healing and forgiveness, but it’s a long time coming). When our family
of origin fails us, it can be wise to create a chosen family who will offer the
love and support we deserve. Often the strongest family systems are created by
choice or circumstance; we can be inspired by the biblical examples of Ruth and
Naomi, Jonathan and David, or Jesus and his disciples.

Who is family to you? How do you stay in touch with those who love and
support you? In our busy lives, we often
need to be intentional about making time to talk, visit, and catch up with one
another.

Big or small, biological or chosen – family is a gift. How will you tell
your family how much they mean to you today?

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Sarah and Jordan were married on Saturday. It was a
celebration of love, of course, but not just the romantic love between two
people. This wedding celebrated the hopes, dreams, prayers, and hard work of countless
people who made this special day possible.

Both Sarah and
Jordan have Down Syndrome. Over the years they have confronted obstacles, setbacks,
doubters, folks unable to recognize their worth, and some people who were just
plain mean. It isn’t easy being “other” in our society. But they also had
parents, family, and friends who believed in them and who consistently wanted
the very best for them. Their wedding was a celebration of the power of love to
transform lives.

Their wedding
celebrated the tenacity of love. At this wedding we honored the hardworking
love that gets up with dogged determination after every disappointment and
challenge. We celebrated the parents who dared to dream that this day
would someday come and whose fierce determination refused to give up on their
beloved children. Parenting is never for the faint of heart; parenting a child
with special needs demands an additional amount of fortitude. This wedding
recognized that.

It also rejoiced
in the strength of family and friends who formed a safe community where the
unique gifts of Sarah and Jordan could be lifted up. It was also a tribute to
all the dedicated teachers, coaches, trainers, and aides and assistants who
worked on behalf of Sarah and Jordan and countless others so that they can live
the very best life they can.

Sarah and
Jordan’s wedding reminded us that the world is a better place when people
choose to love one another. We are made richer by their example of their love,
acceptance, and devotion. The joy and tender care they share with one another
offers hope to a world that is too often callous and indifferent.

Over the years,
many people informed Sarah and Jordan that their capabilities were limited and
their future was dim. Thank God they had the wisdom to block out the negative
voices and ignore the naysayers. This wedding celebrated God’s unlimited vision
of each one of us. It was a reminder that we are all more capable, more
amazing, and more filled with possibility than any of us realize. It was
invitation to look beyond the obvious with a willingness to be surprised by
what is actually possible.

Sarah and Jordan
got married and it was a memorable occasion. That day showed us all what joy
looks like. May God bless them on their journey and may we all be inspired to
share and show love as boldly as they do.

Sue Foster

Rev. Dr. Susan J. Foster (Sue) is the pastor of the East Woodstock Congregational (UCC) Church in CT. She is an ordained minister in the United Church of Christ and the author of "Retreats to Go: Twelve Creative Programs that Renew and Refresh."