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Topic : Homosexuality

Have you come out of the closet to find love and support? Or are those close to you having a difficult time accepting your lifestyle?

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Easy said than done

Hi, My first post on this board. I've been reading through some of the posts on the board and thought i'd write a little note. Im 22, im bisexual though at this stage in my life i would say i'm most interested in dating people on the same sex (women). A lot of people seem to be struggling with a sense of confusion in their messages as to whether they are gay or not and a lot of the replies seem to say 'hey dont worry you are who u r, u shouldnt be ashamed etc' (which is fair enough!). I just wanted to offer a different view, hope noone takes offence. Of course you shouldn't be ashamed of who you are if you do have feelings for the same sex, but its not as easy as that, i know. Ive been out for about 2 years now, and am in a year long relationship with a woman. I still however feel bad for my family, who r 'dealing with' it, and don't always tell everyone that asks. Having feelings for someone of the same sex isnt something u have to deal with straight away. no pun intended. I would say take it slowly. theres no way if ure just coming to terms with feelings that your going to be ready to go to a gayclub, kiss someone and get the membership badge to gayville. Spend some time talking to people about it. Its not easy and even 2/3 years on being out, its still not easy but at the same time its one of the best things i ever did. Don't get yourself down with what it could mean for other people. Your life isnt going to take a dramatic turn all of a sudden if u realise u feel somethng for the same sex. Take your time. Explore your feelings in your head, maybe talk to other people who feel the same. And take as long as you want deciding for yourself how you feel.

Anyway....thats my little bit of advice...heh. If anyone wants to contact me please feel free, and if you just want to talk about anything give me a shout.
Good luck with everything.
Lifes short! sexuality really isnt a huge deal!

wow you're my more enlightened twin

Hi, My first post on this board. I've been reading through some of the posts on the board and thought i'd write a little note. Im 22, im bisexual though at this stage in my life i would say i'm most interested in dating people on the same sex (women). A lot of people seem to be struggling with a sense of confusion in their messages as to whether they are gay or not and a lot of the replies seem to say 'hey dont worry you are who u r, u shouldnt be ashamed etc' (which is fair enough!). I just wanted to offer a different view, hope noone takes offence. Of course you shouldn't be ashamed of who you are if you do have feelings for the same sex, but its not as easy as that, i know. Ive been out for about 2 years now, and am in a year long relationship with a woman. I still however feel bad for my family, who r 'dealing with' it, and don't always tell everyone that asks. Having feelings for someone of the same sex isnt something u have to deal with straight away. no pun intended. I would say take it slowly. theres no way if ure just coming to terms with feelings that your going to be ready to go to a gayclub, kiss someone and get the membership badge to gayville. Spend some time talking to people about it. Its not easy and even 2/3 years on being out, its still not easy but at the same time its one of the best things i ever did. Don't get yourself down with what it could mean for other people. Your life isnt going to take a dramatic turn all of a sudden if u realise u feel somethng for the same sex. Take your time. Explore your feelings in your head, maybe talk to other people who feel the same. And take as long as you want deciding for yourself how you feel.

Anyway....thats my little bit of advice...heh. If anyone wants to contact me please feel free, and if you just want to talk about anything give me a shout.
Good luck with everything.
Lifes short! sexuality really isnt a huge deal!

G x

I'm also 22 and bisexual, with feelings more for the same sex as me. I 'came out' when I was 19 to my family, but I never bothered to think of how they might feel or deal with it. They haven't, so that solves that.
It's totally not easy, and yes it's a transition you should make gradually. I also think, though, that being part of a queer community can help you face challenges side by side with other people who face what you do.
I just want to say right on for being honest on the message board, comming out, and not being ashamed or questioning whether it's normal for you. Thank you so much!

Absolutely.

I'm also 22 and bisexual, with feelings more for the same sex as me. I 'came out' when I was 19 to my family, but I never bothered to think of how they might feel or deal with it. They haven't, so that solves that.
It's totally not easy, and yes it's a transition you should make gradually. I also think, though, that being part of a queer community can help you face challenges side by side with other people who face what you do.
I just want to say right on for being honest on the message board, comming out, and not being ashamed or questioning whether it's normal for you. Thank you so much!

I agree with you definately, that joining a society does help take the pressures off. I joined in my last year of university (LGBT), it was brilliant in so many ways and not so great in others. Generally though made a load of great mates, some of whom i'm still great mates with now. It really does help to deal with things in simple ways, such as being able to talk to people about finding someone of the same sex 'fit'. Being able to say that without worrying what someones going to think its a hugggge thing to start of with....maybe i just think a lot of women are fit :) hehe.

No better place to go...

(* The Dr. Phil site needs more variety. This is the best place I could find to post my problem.*)
I almost envy you gay guys. I know its hard, but once you come out you can go about finding 'someone'.
I'm transsexual. I like men; but instead of being happy as a normal straight girl my mind is fixed on becomeing a man. I cannot see myself loving a man as a woman. I know you all think I'm crazy for wanting the life of a gay man over a straight girl, and I agree. I've felt this way for a long time now and I'm pretty young, so I think this is built-in. Its problematic, I'm something of am extream sexest to women because of it and certain members of my family (grandpa) like to call me a dyke. T_T;
I admit, I do try my hardest to look male; even to the point of degrading my health. But its no good. Looking like a man doent mean anything unless your anatomically one.
I need a little help; what should I do? Seek counciling? Persue it? Or should I just give up and put on a dress? I doubt I could ever afford the surgery (around $50,000 at least), and the result isnt exactlly 'good looking'. Most of all what and how should I tell my folks? My big sis knows and I think my mom does, but what about everyone else? I'm very confused...

Hiya

i think if ure feeling this way then yeh talk to someone definately. It couldnt hurt just to chat to someone who can understand wat your going through. Once you've spoken to someone for some time and talked out all of how your feeling, then its bound to be much clearer in your head what you want. After all, surgery is a big step and couldnt hurt just to chat to someone first. If at the end of talking etc you still feel the same way then its definately upto you what you should do. If you feel that it is the way you will be happy in life then you should, with the support of your friends if not family, go for what you feel is best. At the end of the day, if anatomically you can only be happy as male then you've got to take that chance. Its a long life to waste. Can you see yourself living till 80 as a woman and living a fulfilled life?
As for your parents, i think only you can answer that. If the support from your parents would help you through what will be a difficult time, then i would suggest trying to talk to them. After all, you are their daughter, and it might take time to get used to, but they would deep down want you to be happy, no matter how they react. &nbsp

I'd say dont worry so much about everyone else, you should focus on yourself right now, and make a decision which could be the most important one you ever make. Its your time! :)&nbsp

southern baptist parents

Well I dont know where to begin really. This is my first message. I am 21 and 2 weeks after my 19th bday my dad had enough with my so called chosen lifestyle. So, the christian counseling didnt work out the way he wanted, so he took my house key and my new car at the time away from me thinking that would chage my feelings and make me straight. OMG Well little did he know that I had another thing coming. I am doing better . I still have my moments. Holidays are pretty tough. My first Christmas ...not getting nothing at all...just a card basically telling me im going to hell doesnt sound to loving if you aske me....and not a thing for my bday was even harder. I just never thought that something like this would ever happen to me. Dad and I have not talked in 2 years. Mom isnt thrilled but she tells me that it would have been different if she had some say so in what to do with my sexuality. My brother that is 25 is not having anything to do with me either. A month after coming out, my brother says he is called by god to preach!! How ironic is that. So fake lol. The family just laughs about it still to this day. I would love to here from anyone out there ...their story or if they have anything to ask me or commits about my little life story. One thing i have learned....sometimes in order to gain something. you have to lose something

*applause*

Well I dont know where to begin really. This is my first message. I am 21 and 2 weeks after my 19th bday my dad had enough with my so called chosen lifestyle. So, the christian counseling didnt work out the way he wanted, so he took my house key and my new car at the time away from me thinking that would chage my feelings and make me straight. OMG Well little did he know that I had another thing coming. I am doing better . I still have my moments. Holidays are pretty tough. My first Christmas ...not getting nothing at all...just a card basically telling me im going to hell doesnt sound to loving if you aske me....and not a thing for my bday was even harder. I just never thought that something like this would ever happen to me. Dad and I have not talked in 2 years. Mom isnt thrilled but she tells me that it would have been different if she had some say so in what to do with my sexuality. My brother that is 25 is not having anything to do with me either. A month after coming out, my brother says he is called by god to preach!! How ironic is that. So fake lol. The family just laughs about it still to this day. I would love to here from anyone out there ...their story or if they have anything to ask me or commits about my little life story. One thing i have learned....sometimes in order to gain something. you have to lose something

Very good for you! I'm very impressed you had the nerve to tell your church family. My parents are very supportive people and I'm still scared to tell them.
We joke about my problem (so I don't know if mom knows I'm serious) but shes against it when I bring it up for my best interests; she feels my life will be miserable if I choose to persue my feelings. My folks arent big church people so I don't have to worry about the whole "Your going to Hell" thing.
I think you did good to get away and go about your life without them. Sometimes its the best thing to do.. I kinda wish I could move away for a while to think about things (alas, I'm 15...)
And (from what I got out of your story) your parents seemed to be more concerened aout there reputation with the church than your well-being. i've known amany people on the net who were gay and had to hide it from their parents, and they were all very miserable; so I congradulate you on comming out.
And if your worried about your families words, don't be. If you were born gay, you cant help it. God made you gay, so how can he send you to hell for it?
So go out and find that life partner, get illegaly married, and be happy!

sorry if i'm posting too much

i think if ure feeling this way then yeh talk to someone definately. It couldnt hurt just to chat to someone who can understand wat your going through. Once you've spoken to someone for some time and talked out all of how your feeling, then its bound to be much clearer in your head what you want. After all, surgery is a big step and couldnt hurt just to chat to someone first. If at the end of talking etc you still feel the same way then its definately upto you what you should do. If you feel that it is the way you will be happy in life then you should, with the support of your friends if not family, go for what you feel is best. At the end of the day, if anatomically you can only be happy as male then you've got to take that chance. Its a long life to waste. Can you see yourself living till 80 as a woman and living a fulfilled life?
As for your parents, i think only you can answer that. If the support from your parents would help you through what will be a difficult time, then i would suggest trying to talk to them. After all, you are their daughter, and it might take time to get used to, but they would deep down want you to be happy, no matter how they react. &nbsp

I'd say dont worry so much about everyone else, you should focus on yourself right now, and make a decision which could be the most important one you ever make. Its your time! :)&nbsp

Thank you for your words Gebham.
I do believe that surgery will alway be my goal and I do plan on openly telling my parent (eventually) if they don't figure it out on there own. I do believe they will supportme; but the true test will be in abut two years. I want to wear a tux to prom. In a way it symbolizes my feelings, in another, I just don't want to wear a dress. My mom and I are already butting heads about this; I really only plan to go to my senior prom unless I'm invited to my junior. As I see it, if they can't handel something as small as me wearingb a tux in public, then they can't really support my ultimate choice of becomeing a man. It also means I'll miss every dance of my high school life. But I suppose I'll just take things as they come...

hey

Hi, just wanted to say again i think its incredibly...dont think brave it the right word....strong maybe better?..i think its incredibly strong of you to want to wear a tux to your prom. I think ure inspiring as a human being to be honest, the fact that you want to be yourself and arent prepared to conform to wat others may want you to do...especially when the others may be your parents. &nbsp

I still find myself conforming a little to wat my parents want from me. Im completely out to them but i still do things so they dont feel uncomfortable. for example; it was there 25t wedding anniversary and i pretended to be 'friends' with my girlfriend so they wouldnt feel uncomfortable around their friends. If i were single i wouldnt have a prob not mentioning my sexuality, its not all of who i am, but the fact that ive been with my partner a yr and a bit, i really felt like i was being disrespectful to her, and to hurt her is beyond the last thing i would ever do. &nbsp