(I am a cashier ringing up a woman, her husband and their young son who is about seven. The woman is having trouble with her credit card, which is an obscure foreign card.)

Woman: “Ugh! I hate this store! I knew I shouldn’t have come here! Everyone here is just stupid! Their machines never let me use credit on my card! It’s just stupid.” *to her husband* “Why did you suggest we come here instead of [competitor]?! Everyone here is just useless!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I will certainly pass the message along to my superior. In the mean time, because it’s only $10.45, would you like to pay via cash?”

Woman: “No [son], you can’t have the stupid chocolate bar! I don’t know if I have enough bloody coins because of this stupid store!”

Boy: “But mummy, if you knew the card doesn’t work, why did we go here?”

(I’m doing a sales pitch to my customers, a husband and wife, and they’re really getting interested. We’re going round all the products. There is good banter going on, jokes etc. However, out of nowhere, an old lady barges between them and grabs my ear.)

Old Lady: “I have been asking you where the toilets are!”

Me: “Please let go of my ear!”

Old Lady: “It’s rude to disrespect your elders! Where are the toilets?!”

Husband:*knocks the old lady’s hand away from my ear*

Old Lady:*to the man* “You assaulted me!”

Husband: “You have no case, and I didn’t hear you asking this young lady about the loos. My wife and I have been talking to her for at least ten minutes.”

Old Lady: “Of course I have a case! You hit me! She saw it!” *points to me*

Husband: “She has a better case against you for assault.”

Old Lady: “No she does not!”

(The husband calmly pulls out a business card and hands it to me.)

Husband:*to me* “I’ll gladly take her to court for you for free.”

(Reading the card I see his name, followed by ‘Head of Legal Advice for [company]’.)

Me: “Thank you!” *to the old lady* “The loos are down that way on the left; follow the signs.”

(I am rubbing ear as the old lady walks off, sulking. I turn to the couple.)

(I’m working the cash register when a mom comes through with a teenage daughter in a private school uniform. I’m pretty flamboyantly gay.)

Me: “Hello today, ladies. Did you find everything you need?”

Mom: “Just shut up and finish this f**.”

(I’m used to this kind of abuse, so I continue ringing her up. I notice the daughter roll her eyes at her mother, but doesn’t comment.)

Me: “And if you could just sign that receipt right there, ma’am.”

Mom:*snatches receipt* “You should be ashamed of yourself! Acting that way in front of my daughter! Homosexuals are ruining this country! Look at those two over there making out in the middle of the store!”

(Her rant continues as she points to a young couple walking through the store holding hands. She then goes on to attack the ‘biker chick’ with the tattoo in the next line. I can see her daughter getting angrier, and finally she snaps.)

Daughter: “Can you please just stop? This guy’s been pretty d*** helpful and probably has better taste in men than you! And those two are freakin’ adorable so leave them alone. You want to hear something really good? I have a boyfriend. We’ve had sex. Oh, and I got a tattoo.”

(She proceeds to rip up the back of her shirt to reveal a tattoo on her lower back before turning back around to face her mother.)

Daughter: “And you can’t say anything because I’m an adult just like every other person in this store. So you can take your prejudiced opinions and shove them up your a**. If you want me, I’ll be at Dad’s!” *storms out*