Edwards: “Screw It, I’m Just Going To Throw Northern Louisiana On Craigslist And Be Done With It”

BATON ROUGE, LA – A completely fed-up John Bel Edwards reportedly hit desperation point at the governor’s mansion this morning, as he toyed with the idea of just drawing an East-to-West line across the state and putting everything North of it on Craigslist.

Edwards, who’s struggling with balancing the state’s books, played with the idea in his head whilst at the breakfast table.

“You know what, screw this”, he muttered to himself, “This is too much. Way too much. Everything North of Alexandria, it’s going to the highest bidder. Donna?! Donna! You’ve used this Craigslist before, right? Come and show me how it works, I need to sell something.”

The Craigslist ad, which appeared under the ‘Real Estate For Sale’ on Central Louisiana section of the site, was only online for 15 minutes – after his wife Donna allegedly talked him out of it.

A screenshot of the short-lived Craigslist ad before it was removed.

“There has got to be other ways to do this, John”, she was reported to have told him, “You can’t just go selling half of the state like it’s a second-hand vehicle! People live there, think about it. You’re only doing this because you’re frustrated and you haven’t had your Cinnamon Toast Crunch yet. Let me get you your Cinnamon Toast Crunch.”

“Jesus Christ Donna, it’s practically Arkansas anyway!” John was alleged to have replied with, “Look, they’re getting it for a pretty fair price in my book. They’ll even get a couple of nice National Forests and stuff. And most importantly it’ll be out of my hair in terms of this whole financial crap. It’s a win-win situation and good for everyone all round. The only thing they can’t have is Neutral Milk Hotel – no deal. I’ll move those guys down to Baton Rouge before any handshake.”

However it seems that Mrs. Edwards talked him out of it, as the ad has now been removed and no official statement released on the purchase of the land.

13 COMMENTS

At one point during the Constitutional Convention of 1973, when Moon Landrieu was mayor of New Orleans, Lawrence Chehardy was assessor of Jefferson Parish, and Chalin Perez was president of Plaquemines Parish, and those parishes were demanding so much special treatment, the Constitutional Convention voted to sever those three parishes from the rest of the state and allow them float out into the Gulf. No, actually, we did not vote to do that, but we thought about it!

Now this makes me ashamed I voted for him. No I don’t like the way things have to be to balance a budget but, there are other parts to this state besides New Orleans and Baton Rouge. After living in Florida for the past 30 years and moving back here I see nothing has changed. North Louisana is still poor and struggling and forgotten by their on government.

If the Government had not let all factories and State Farm Offices move out of the State North Louisiana would be thriving. All the Government needs to do is give some Companies a tax break and bring some work back to the North part of the State, move a Casio on the River in Monroe then the North could come alive again.

I didn’t Vote for BoZo Edwards!I knew what he was!The other guy Vitter would have been way better! Anybody would be better! It only gets worst!how bout we have a North /South LA we get a new Gov. You just screw half the state!

On one hand, if you don’t put up a disclaimer, you risk upsetting those who lack the satire gene. On the other hand, if you do put up a disclaimer, you ruin it for those who love satire. What to do? What to do?