If you are my husband, please stop reading now. Thank you for your cooperation.

My girls and I went to Home Depot on the way home from their soccer scrimmage in the big city last night. It was the last stop I had to make in my journey toward Christmas Day, and the recipient I had in mind was my beloved Marlboro Man.

The first thing I grabbed for him was a great cordless drill kit. It came with its own canvas bag in a nice deep teal shade, and I thought it was so nice that the set came with two matching cordless drills! How tidy.

Just then a salesperson, whose wife happens to have my cookbook and who therefore knew that I live on a cattle ranch, approached the cart and suggested gently, “Um…you’re not getting that for your husband, are you?” Then he went on to explain that it’s definitely not heavy duty enough for use in an agricultural setting, and if I’m looking for something for my husband I’d need to go a little more turbo.

To be fair, he did not use the word “turbo.” That’s just how I’m choosing to remember it.

“Oh, GOSH NO!” I answered, my face feeling hot and flushed. “I got this for…for my mother-in-law…you know…just to use around the house! Because it’s definitely not heavy duty enough to use in an agricultural setting. Everyone knows that.”

The last thing I wanted to do on December 23 was feel like a doofus in the middle of Home Depot.

The nice man proceeded to showed me some heavy duty drill sets that would be suitable for use in an agricultural setting and I picked the orange one because orange has always been my favorite color. Oh, and because it’s by far the superior drill set for the best value. Everybody who knows anything about power tools knows that.

Or not.

So I put the drill set in my cart and said to the guy, “So, I’m sure this comes with all the drill bits he’d ever need and stuff.”

And the guy answered, “Actually, no. It doesn’t come with any bits at all.”

And I replied, “Yeah, I didn’t think so. These sets usually don’t.”

I heard my girls whisper “Ugh” in unison.

Then I picked out a drill bit set because I liked the configuration of the bits in the storage box. It sort of looked like Paul McCartney if you stared for a long time.

After that, I moved over to the nail aisle and inadvertently put a bunch of roofing nails in the cart. Then my daughters corrected me by saying “Those are for roofers, Mom!” and removed the roofing nails from the cart. This made me mad, so I told them I was going to go buy a whole pallet of fiberglass shingles just to spite them. They said, “We’re going to go look at paint colors,” and left.

They’ve never had the backbone for home improvement.

Next, I successfully picked out miscellaneous hammers, screwdrivers, and crescent wrenches all by myself and I felt so pleased. After that, I picked out a wicked ratchet set, then went to find the same salesperson so I could hold up the ratchet set and ask him if he approved. “Oh, man,” he exclaimed. “That’s a really good one. Great value.” And he meant it, too. I could tell.

I’ve never had a prouder moment in my life.

After that, my girls resurfaced and I informed them that we needed to go pick out various lengths of PVC pipe for their dad, for no other reason but that requesting various lengths of PVC pipe would make us feel and look cool. They said no, definitely not. The buzz kills.

By this time, my girls were getting really restless, which only made me only dig in my heels more. I sang, “We’ve only got thirty more aisles to go, girls!” just to hear them groan “UGH! THIS IS TORRRRRTURE!” in the middle of a home improvement warehouse in northeastern Oklahoma. It was such a special moment!

By the end of our trip, I’d also managed to score a leveler, a wire brush, a tape measure, and needlenose pliers—all in coordinating shades of blue, orange, and charcoal. And on the long drive home, I fantasized over and over about Marlboro Man unwrapping every tool and commenting about how he never could have picked out a better one…

And how if he searched all day, he never would have found one as good as the one I chose…

And how from now on, anytime he needs a tool, he’s going to take me with him…

And how I’m still just so full of surprises, even after all these years of marriage…

And then I woke up and realized I’d just bought my mother-in-law a cordless drill kit for Christmas.

327 Comments and 7 Replies

JoAnn C. On Monday, December 24 at 2:23 pm

DElliott On Monday, December 24 at 2:23 pm

Ree, I totally laughed out loud! Needed that story today in the midst of getting ready for Mass. Merry Christmas!

203

Vanessa On Monday, December 24 at 2:29 pm

Love it! Hope you and yours have a very Happy Christmas!!

204

Jodie in Boise On Monday, December 24 at 2:32 pm

Oh, I love Home Depot! I love wandering the aisles and finding really cool tools and supplies that I have no idea what to do with. I also love looking at tiles and carpet and paint colors. Even though I know I would never do anything with them. Anyway, congrats for a successful trip to Home Depot and for annoying your girls so thoroughly!! I loved doing that to my nieces when they were younger.
Merry Christmas to you and your family!!

205

Rae Ann On Monday, December 24 at 2:39 pm

Ree, you crack me up! Merry Christmas.

206

Sally Sullivan On Monday, December 24 at 2:46 pm

That was priceless especially the groans from your girls. Teal is perfect it is for Ovarian cancer awareness.

207

Sally Sullivan On Monday, December 24 at 2:47 pm

Oh I forgot MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

208

CarolHS On Monday, December 24 at 2:48 pm

You’re a good wife, Ree. My husband and I have an agreement: I don’t have to go to Home Depot and he doesn’t have to go to Hobby Lobby.

Merry Christmas to you and your family! Thanks for all the fun give aways.

209

Kimberley W On Monday, December 24 at 2:51 pm

I hope Marlboro Man and your MIL both love all their handy dandy top of the line tools :~) Wishing you and the whole Drummond clan a Merry Christmas! I hope you get just enough snow to make everything beautiful on the ranch. Can’t wait to see pictures. In Alabama, we are only expecting severe thunderstorms. ugh! We would much rather have the snow :~)

210

Julianne M. On Monday, December 24 at 3:00 pm

I should have asked for a cordless drill instead of slippers! It keeps coming up that it would be handy to have one so you never know–you could have read her mind!

DearlyBe once bought a cordless drill for me, his delicate begonia. Umm…am trying to figure out how to tell him that it lacks torque.

Merry Christmas and bright blessings to you and yours, Ree.

212

Naomi On Monday, December 24 at 3:17 pm

Ree and family, Have a most blessed Christmas! Thanks for all you put out there for us, good and sad. I’ve done the same thing for my husband, a few bloopers but oh well!:)

213

Shelly On Monday, December 24 at 3:17 pm

You are Priceless! Blessings to you and your family this Holiday Season!

214

dan's wife On Monday, December 24 at 3:29 pm

Things I like about Home Depot:

The honkin big potted Norfolk pines we bought there, for less than I’ve paid for a couple six-packs of petunias. Love hauling trees home.

The random canines I’m apt to encounter there….surely guys don’t go trolling for girls at Home Depot, do they? “Going to the lumber yard, better take the dog in case some girl wants a reason to talk to me.”

sues2u2 On Monday, December 24 at 4:17 pm

Nice! You mil will have so much fun! (hee,hee) I never shop for my hubby anymore w/o my 15 yr old son’s input. Makes me feel ever so much better – lol

Merry Christmas to you & your family & thank you so very much for the laughter, tears & just general fun.

221

SUSAN JAX On Monday, December 24 at 4:21 pm

We don’t get so technical (DOOFUS) in the South…..we’re more ‘stupid is as stupid does’. You shop right up there with the best Ree. MERRY CHRISTMAS Ree Drummond and family and I hope you have A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

222

Lindie On Monday, December 24 at 4:30 pm

If I ever win something in an orange color I hope I get to change it or I will give it to someone I love.

223

Becky in AZ On Monday, December 24 at 4:39 pm

My husband is a contractor and just about LIVES at Home Depot. One day he was wearing an orange t-shirt, and someone came up to him and asked him for help finding a tool. The funny thing was, he knew exactly where it was and took the customer there!!

224

Deborah On Monday, December 24 at 4:52 pm

You’re hilarious…….merry Christmas!

225

Tracy W. On Monday, December 24 at 4:52 pm

Great story Ree…been there done that! Merry Christmas to all!

226

Mary Padden On Monday, December 24 at 4:56 pm

Ree,

Thank you for sharing yourself with us!

You are precious,
Mary

227

Paula P. On Monday, December 24 at 5:08 pm

Thank you for the laugh today. I’ve been so frazzled with so much to do before guests arrive tonight. I needed this.

May you and your family have a very Merry Christmas Ree!

228

Carrie On Monday, December 24 at 5:15 pm

I hope you have a Merry Christmas!! (And I am sure he would have been happy with the inferior set!)

229

ROSEMARY R. On Monday, December 24 at 5:23 pm

Iam a hardware store, home improvement center junkie. Most women want to go Nordstrom’s, just drop me at the hardware store. When Mr. R.and I RV travel, we always try to hit the new towns hardware stores. We love ACE Hardwares and here close to us we have OSH(ORCHARD SUPPLY & HARDWARE). Ben Franklins rock too!
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU AND ALL YOUR FAMILY.

230

Jean On Monday, December 24 at 5:33 pm

I can’t presume to know what kind of tools my husband wants. I’ve got a general idea of what’s good/not good. But I sometimes mess up. So hubby now buys his own. LOL!

I love my flower print handled screwdriver with interchangeable bits. I think it’s the coolest thing on wheels (if it really had wheels). But hubby just snickers at me shaking his head.

I guess I really don’t know very much about tools.
(written by she who uses a mason jar as a hammer at times)

231

SueC On Monday, December 24 at 5:38 pm

I’m so grateful for you and this blog Ree! Merry Christmas and a happy healthy new year.

232

SteviAnn Howell On Monday, December 24 at 5:47 pm

I am so glad you had such an eventful nap. Now you are awake be thankful you don’t have all the tools to wrap. Wishing you and your whole family a Happy Birthday Party for Jesus.
Merry Christmas!

233

Mary Casstevens On Monday, December 24 at 5:52 pm

Very funny. That’s what I like about you, Ree. I can identify with you so much.

234

kat cat in AZ On Monday, December 24 at 6:03 pm

You said doofus. LOL

235

Bonnievb On Monday, December 24 at 6:32 pm

I once picked out the cutest, tiniest level for my husband because, well, it was cute and tiny. And it fit in his stocking. He said wow, thanks and how did I know that was the size he needed? Really. I had no clue. It was cute and tiny. Merry Christmas to you and yours from us and ours.

236

Pat On Monday, December 24 at 6:37 pm

Oh you are too funny! One of the best gifts I got a couple years ago was a cordless drill. Mine is black…I wish it was teal as that is one of my most fav colors. I love it and use way more than one would think. My fav is the screwdriver bit. I love love love Home Depot! Merry Christmas & Happy New Year to you & family…..and the kitties,and doggies !

237

Ericka H On Monday, December 24 at 6:41 pm

Merry Christmas,my husband and I love watching your show.Thank you for letting us watch you and your family as they grow!

238

Therese from Ellensburg, WA On Monday, December 24 at 6:45 pm

Thanks for all the great ideas for my husband! Usually I hear this sort of story from him – needed a nail and ended up with a whole tool box. Merry Christmas!!

Stacey On Monday, December 24 at 6:47 pm

Betty Luz On Monday, December 24 at 7:19 pm

Have a merry and cheery Christmas.

242

Jan On Monday, December 24 at 7:28 pm

Merry Christmas to you and yours….
Love your shows and you of course

243

Alisha On Monday, December 24 at 7:34 pm

I trust that he is not reading this post, otherwise he already knows what he is getting and will have to pretend to not know when he opens the presents. Once upon a time, I accidentally came across my tap shoes, pre-wrapped, and it did spoil the surprise (that said I could really go for a pair of tap shoes right now. Its too bad I don’t wear that size anymore.)

Do you think that MM (aka Marlboro Man aka Mr. Pioneer Man) would like tap shoes?

No?

244

Tracy R On Monday, December 24 at 7:51 pm

Oh Ree, you are so funny. I really needed that laugh after a long day at work. I hope you and yours have a very Merry Christmas. I’m sure your husband will get a kick out of your adventure, and I hope your mother in law appreciates her gift too.

SusieQ On Monday, December 24 at 9:00 pm

My husband builds pole barns for a living, everything we have is DeWalt, hope
the salesman steered you right, not just looking to make a sale..

252

Sarah T On Monday, December 24 at 9:22 pm

I went to Lowe’s and bought 2 toilets, 3 faucets, 1 sink, a storage cabinet, a medicine cabinet and a light bar. Then I managed to get them all in my Camry and installed them all myself. I wish someone would buy me tools.

253

Kathryn On Monday, December 24 at 9:46 pm

Bought myself that drill. I just need a Malboro Man to show me how to use it! Merry Christmas, Ree.

254

Amy On Monday, December 24 at 9:47 pm

Wow! You are a brave woman. I would be terrified to buy tools. I don’t know what half the stuff you bought is, even though I am quite certain all of it is on my garage. My husband told me a similar story about his awkward experiences trying to pick out things for me at Bath and Body works. He said the poor salesgirl was basically leading him by the hand around the store. On second thought..he’s pretty cute, perhaps she had another motive…
Merry Christmas!!

255

Sherian in SW OK On Monday, December 24 at 10:02 pm

Merry Christmas Ree to you and yours! I,ll be on my way to Wichita Friday-will wave as I go by on 35.

256

Sherrie Pfeiffer On Monday, December 24 at 10:18 pm

I can’t tell y ou how much I enjoy your writing and telling thngs on yourself. I love the drill, and tools story. Even sat here and laughed out loud. I love your cooking show. always watch it on Sat. morning. One of your little guys sure looks jut like his Dadyand one of the girls just like Mom. The other two are a combination of you both. Your rewciipes are so good. Anyway I enjoy you. By the way, here is something for you to try. I bought some Revlon lip butter in colors to wear and it is yummy. Just thought you might l8ike it. Merry Christmas accidental pioneer woman to you and your beautiful family.

257

Angelia On Monday, December 24 at 10:28 pm

Yes, you got to love the Home Depot! Did you see the new home depot shortbread cookies in the cool tin? That is what my husband liked! Have a Happy Holiday thanks for sharing!

258

BJM2009 On Monday, December 24 at 11:18 pm

Ha-ha! Perfect! I love ya more than my luggage Ree.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to The Drummonds; big & small, 2 legged and 4.

I wish you and your family a wonderful Christmas and many blessings for the new year. Keep your awesome sense of humor; your website is a treasure. Thank you for all that you do. Merry Christmas! Happy New year!

260

Jenny On Monday, December 24 at 11:43 pm

Oh, how I love your sense of humor, and your unique way of conveying your stories! Loved the girls’ reaction to your tool shopping escapade! I can just hear teenage girls saying those things they said! Thanks for another laugh! Love ya, Ree. Hope you and yours have a wonderful Christmas! Can’t wait to see new shows in the new year!

261

Mandy On Monday, December 24 at 11:47 pm

Thanks Ree so funny love the Paul Mc Cartney comment too funny! I too have halucinated in Home Depot! I hate feeling like a “cottonheaded ninny-muggins”when I can find NOTHING I am looking for! When I find it finally and bring it home it is nine times out of ten the wrong one I was suppose to get UGH! I text, take pictures, ask questions,interview, research and did I mention the excessive sweating ! I always leave with a fantasy of sending my husband to a foreign country that speaks a foreign language like a “Lingerie Depot”……..with a list for underwires,push-ups,hipster,hi-cuts and see how good he does ha! Just sayin…..

262

Ana On Tuesday, December 25 at 12:22 am

Ha! Merry Christmas!

263

Ann Thompson On Tuesday, December 25 at 12:57 am

You know, you could always offer to take her to the shop to exchange it on Wednesday… hahahaha. Great story and I’m sure she will laugh at it every bit as much as I just did.

Merry Christmas, and many blessings for you and yours!

Ann

264

Nicole Trepanier On Tuesday, December 25 at 2:24 am

I was just hired as a head cashier at the Home Depot up here in Michigan! It is such a fantastic store!!! I yet to learn it all but I bet the drill is amazing! Ree I made your French toast the one with the French bread last night and can’t wait to try it in the a.m!!! Merry Christmas to you an your family!! Your my inspiration and can’t wait for recipes this coming year!!!

Hilarious! OH, and I was wondering if the furniture on the roof was for Santa?
Merry Christmas!

266

Donna J. On Tuesday, December 25 at 7:10 am

….and who may I ask is “slaved” to wrap all those Home Depot gifts? Hmmmm?
Three gifts, just as Jesus received. So much easier.
Now, I didn’t say how MANY items are in each of the three boxes, but well,
you only have to wrap 3 per person in the family.
Ahhhhh……
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL IN THE FAMILY!!!

267

Rachel B On Tuesday, December 25 at 7:22 am

Merry Christmas Ree! I hope you and your family are safe and secure and don’t have much trouble due to the ice storm. Thank you for sharing your ups and downs. God Bless you and yours.

268

Janice On Tuesday, December 25 at 7:30 am

Merry Christmas from Kentucky! Loved your post. Have a great Christmas with your family.

Lorrie McD. On Tuesday, December 25 at 7:34 am

Merry Christmas to you and your beautiful family. Thank you for your fun ideas and site.

271

Debbie On Tuesday, December 25 at 8:28 am

Wishing you a Very Merry Christmas from my family to yours!

272

Emily MG On Tuesday, December 25 at 9:05 am

I pray that you and your family have a blessed Christmas & a Happy and Healthy 2013!
I look forward to reading about all your adventures every day! Thanks for sharing your life with all of us!

273

Mary Sosa On Tuesday, December 25 at 9:20 am

Too funny…
Merry Christmas

274

Heidi On Tuesday, December 25 at 10:28 am

I actually work at a Home Depot and enjoyed your blog SO MUCH! I’m sure your mother in law is going to love her teal drill set and MM all his boy toys! Thanks for giving all us retail/Home Depot associates a good laugh! Merry Christmas to you, your family and all your ranch hands! Love you guys!

275

Betsy On Tuesday, December 25 at 10:39 am

Thank you for sharing that. Reminds me of the time I picked a bunch of beautiful bright metallic blue arrows for my hunter husband much to the amusement of the sporting goods store guy. Oh well, nice to know I’m not the only one! Merry Christmas to all of your gang!

I don’t think a man can ever have too many tools. They need the heavy and the light weight tools. Got mine a new set of pliers. Merry Christmas!!!

277

Jannie Bryant On Tuesday, December 25 at 11:26 am

Too funny Ree. Merry Christmas to you and all of your family.

278

Monica de Moss On Tuesday, December 25 at 12:10 pm

Cute! Those CSR’s sure know how to sell.

I hope that your morning was lived up to your expectations with Marlboro Man fulfilling all your Home Depot shopping fantasies ..

“And how if he searched all day, he never would have found one as good as the one I chose…”
“And how from now on, anytime he needs a tool, he’s going to take me with him…”

Sending Merry Christmas Wishes from our home to yours –
M

279

Jeanne M On Tuesday, December 25 at 12:17 pm

Hey! Ree
Take your Dad next time:) Teens have no patients. Merry Christmas!

280

Mary On Tuesday, December 25 at 12:31 pm

You make my day!!! Merry Christmas to you and your family.

281

R.C. On Tuesday, December 25 at 1:53 pm

Merry Christmas!

282

Chris B. On Tuesday, December 25 at 2:18 pm

Great story, I love your posts and web sites, look forward to reading them daily.
Happy holidays to you and your familly and a blessed new year!

283

Dana On Tuesday, December 25 at 2:34 pm

My husband was so impressed with my gift he couldn’t believe I’d bought it this year. I found out what he wanted, and went to the Lowe’s site online, typed what it was, and ordered it! Then all those attachments come up on the “other people bought this” section. I got them, too! He opened a Lowe’s box (yeah, I wrapped everything up in the big box it was delivered in), and couldn’t believe I went inside the Lowe’s! Score 2 points for me!

284

ps/mt On Tuesday, December 25 at 2:40 pm

Christmas Blessings to you and your beloved family! My MM (The Trainmaster) gave our daughter a dual drill motor set for Christmas. She says she can now build anything she wants! Happy New Year to everyone with wishes of peace on earth and goodwill for all!

285

Vicki Miller On Tuesday, December 25 at 3:11 pm

Christmas shopping can be such fun. May you and your family have a blessed ChrIstmas. Vicki

286

roan On Tuesday, December 25 at 3:33 pm

Ree, is it possible for a follow-up of this posting ?
Also I can imagine Marlboro Man taking your sons shopping for your gifts. Probably at Home Depot !
How many spatulas are too many…I know, I know…never too many. And so many styles and shapes and uses and colors…my head is spinning.
On a side thought…how is the canning kitchen, did it ever happen ? I’ve always wanted one separate from my real one. Ya know something with stainless steel everywhere and deep sinks of industrial scale, dehydrators and pressure cookers and endless jars on shelves all labelled and dated.

Merry Christmas Ree, Ladd and family . I got a sledge hammer and splitting maul one year . I love the girls reaction to being in Home Depot .

292

Randi On Wednesday, December 26 at 12:38 am

I do not live in any type of agricultural setting unless you count growing tomatoes on the patio of my apartment agriculture but I DID ask for and receive a power drill (the normal kind) for Christmas and I LOVED it! Real women dig power tools Merry Christmas! I hope you guys got everything you asked Santa for!

293

America T. On Wednesday, December 26 at 1:18 am

Ha Ha Ha! Ree, The part at the end about the drill for your mother-in-law for Christmas! lol too stinkin’ hilarious!!! – let us know how she liked it!

294

Susan H. On Wednesday, December 26 at 8:36 am

Thanks for so many laughs through the year! I remember working with a brace and bit in an agricultural setting (no cordless drills back then). I’m absolutely sure your husband appreciates a good, tough drill and a set of bits. Alas, my husband goes for electronic toys and although I know good tools, I am at a loss figuring out just which new gadget meets his exacting requirements. Do you suppose everyone faces such challenges shopping for their hubby?

295

Linda On Wednesday, December 26 at 9:20 am

Well, here it is, the day after Christmas, and I’m just finding time to read about your shopping experience. You are so funny. Thanks for another giggle. Wishing you a very Happy New Year and perfect 2013!

296

Reba On Wednesday, December 26 at 9:56 am

Super cute story!

297

Mary On Wednesday, December 26 at 10:39 am

Loved your tool shopping story. . .but once in a long while it has a different twist. When I asked mature clerk where to find the type of replacement towel bar you could cut to length then pop in gizmo and snap to fit, he said, “No, honey. You are thinking of a toilet paper holder.”

Told him I had been a landlady for 40 years and if they didn’t carry that product, they were the only Ace Hardware in North American that did not. I found it and fixed towel bar in our rented condo.

298

Penny Lulich On Wednesday, December 26 at 10:42 am

Reading this the day after Christmas so I find myself sitting here wondering if your Marlboro Man loved the tools?? I sure loved the post! I also love humor that’s good humor, and you definitely have a corner on the market of Good Humor! Thanks, Ree! And, Happy New Year!

299

Wonering On Wednesday, December 26 at 12:25 pm

How has your husband run a working ranch all these years without a hammer, drill, level, or needlenose pliers? I have all these tools, and I’m a girl who lives in a (real) city.