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Let me just start off by saying that I am not in any way religious. Never have been and probably never will be. I do however believe in spirituality and the universe. My mother has been sort of the same way. I never really looked much into any of these things though. I would just sort of exist but if anyone ever asked I was more spiritual than religious.

Recently, my very best friend in the whole wide world came to visit me here in NYC. It had been a few months since I had seen her and I absolutely could not wait. And when she arrived she arrived with presents! Apparently she has been working at this sort of, I don’t know, New Age store that sells healing stones/gemstones/crystals etc. and has become really interested in these properties and what they could potentially do for a person.

She bought me an entire bag of crystals and laid them out for me explaining what each one’s energy would bring to me. The only two I remember were the ones about money and the rose quartz which should bring me, as she called it, “not shitty men”. In addition to my adorable little bag of stones that I was supposed to put under my pillow or next to my bed she also got me this rose quartz necklace to wear to help to attract these “non-shitty” men. She came to visit me in mid-June when I was unemployed and not seeing anyone…at all. In any way. It is now mid-July and I have a job and five men actively pursing me. FIVE.

(btw, yes I am hooking up with all five of them – high five!) *vince masuka laugh*

I called her a few days ago and asked her what sort of voodoo witchcraft she did to me and what I should do about it. For reference, I am not good at handling men, at all. Like really bad, actually. I do not want to put effort into relationships because they always turn out poorly for me. I don’t have sex anymore (I tell people it is my choice to be celibate, which it is but I am mostly just too nervous to have sex with anyone). So right now I have these five dudes coming after me and it is freaking me the fuck out. This combined with getting a job after months of looking really made me think these energy stones have something going on.

I can’t say where I am going to go from here or what I am going to do about these five dudes because I think I want all of them but then I really don’t want any of them because of how fucked up my head is about relationships. I always want something and then as soon as I get it I want to peace the fuck out. It reminds of my favorite saying by Garfield, “It’s not the having, it’s the getting.” Ugh, preach Garfield, preach.

1. The people that walk slowly in front of you in the train station causing you to miss your train that is currently pulling into the station and thus making you late to work. Move out of my way, dickbags.

2. Capable people that take the elevator down from the second floor.

3. People that get on the train and stand in front of the doors like they’re the only people in the entire god damn world.

Not like I was great at updating before but I am currently running around France right now so I will be even worse. BUT, I will have many pictures and stories for later.

For now I will leave you with this: Versailles is pretty and I would love to live there but there are too many people and I wanted to kill them all. Also, the weather right now blows but the boys are mm mm good.

I can, in all honesty say that finding a partner has never been my number one priority in life. Not even in the top three. Top five, probably, top three, no. This isn’t because I need to be defined as a strong, independent woman but rather a much deeper-rooted issue. Now that I am getting older I see all my friends pairing off, dating, getting married and even having babies (eaux) I briefly started to feel like a freak, wondering why I was never going on dates, why I wasn’t in a committed relationship, why I didn’t have anyone to make me dinner after a long day of work, etc.

So I took a long hard look at my relationships past and present as well as men that I have “crushed” on in an attempt for find a pattern. And I’ll be damned I found one…sort of. I like dudes that show the mildest sort of interest in me.

All my previous boyfriends I ended up dating because they liked me. THEY made the effort. THEY would call and text me. THEY would ask to hangout. THEY would initiate sex. I always told myself ‘hey this guy really likes you! Maybe you can learn to love him too.’ I have NEVER once dated a guy that I liked at the very beginning the way he liked me. I’m 24 years old I can’t think of a single mutual relationship I have had. There is one guy I did end up falling for yet as soon as I fell in love with him he cheated on me. So I’ve learned to close myself off a lot. It’s so frustrating when you can find people to date YOU but you don’t necessarily want them. It makes me wonder, are my standards too high? I am expecting something I can never attain? Will it be like this forever? Who knows? But this is not the way to date. It just isn’t

In the end, I need to get over myself and learn to talk to people, like people, even if they may not return the feelings. I would say an unrequited love is better than a love built on a false foundation that could be blown away with the slightest gust. I can’t deny that there is nothing like the feeling of someone caring, truly caring for you but in the end if you’re only with that person for those reasons not only is it unfair to said person but you are really shorting yourself which is the biggest tragedy.

Hey y’all, please, please, please bare with me and this layout as I am working on my new one. My job ate my soul this week so I haven’t had much time to work on it but I promise it should be here in a few days. Also, gonna try and pump out a post for you today. thanks lovelies.

Netflix premiered its second original series Hemlock Grove on April 19h, 2013. At this point in time, I cannot speak for the entire series as I have only watched the first two episodes. But I am already counting the hours until my work day ends so I can run home, commandeer the television and watch maybe the rest of the season. So I am sure I will be recommending it to anyone that will listen to me within the next week. And I have high hopes because House of Cards was so. damn. good.

Anyway…

This, my friends, is Bill Skarsgård

Yes, little brother of this Norse God:
That giant stack of man meat has a little brother, who knew? (okay, I think we all knew but who cared until now? Eric Northman was enough for our ovaries to handle.)

Bill Skarsgård, the 22-year-old (4th oldest of the family) may catch his big break (PLZ PLZ PLZ) with this show depending on how well it is received by the public. Critics are rating it as above average to average with them all agreeing on one thing: Skarsgård’s stellar performance.

While his resume is small and there is little known about him he landed a modeling gig with H&M:

(helllllllllo nurse!)

He’s 6’4″

LIPS.

He doesn’t want to make movies like Twilight (smart guy):
“I do not want to be mega celebrity and make movies like twilight”

Describing his American accent, “It’s pretty bad. I have this kind of bullshit accent that I’ve made up,” he said, sounding vaguely European. “Swedish is a sexy language, but the Swedish accent is the most unsexy thing in the world.” (I didn’t think it was that bad btw but I could probably watch him pick his nose and find it sexy)

He was in a movie with his big bro

He looks sexy-confused drinking beer:

He drinks on the red carpet like a boss:

He wants to share his alcohol with you:

Hello arms, I would appreciate if you threw me on the bed sometime soon. Thanks.

Did I mention yet that he was a giant?

And he really has that sultry pout thing down because this might be the only picture of him smiling on the internet:

Remember when Nickelodeon was the shit and had a slew of badass television shows? One, of course, was The Wild Thornberrys first airing in September of 1998. The show followed Eliza Thornberry and her crazy documentary filmmaker parents as they traveled to several exotic locations. She can also talk to animals. Eliza describes it best:

This is me, Eliza Thornberry, part of your average family. I’ve got a dad, a mom, and a sister. There is Donnie – we found him. And Darwin, he found us. Oh yeah, about our house – it moves, because we travel all over the world. You see, my dad hosts this nature show, and my mom shoots it. Okay, so we’re not that average. And between you and me, something amazing happened… and now I can talk to animals. It’s really cool, but totally secret. And you know what? Life’s never been the same.

Since Eliza’s sister is totally lame and her parents are usually working that leaves Eliza and Darwin to roam whatever land they are in and well….talk to animals.

Now meet Tippi Degré:

Tippi was born in Namibia, Africa to two French wildlife photographers.

Since the African desert isn’t necessarily crawling with children, Tippi found her companionship elsewhere.

This includes a 28-year-old African elephant named Abu

A leopard named J&B

jealous yet?

And a whole slew of other wildlife too

Tippi did make human friends too with the tribespeople of Kalahai.

She just generally lived an awesome childhood and I will be forever envious because my tamagotchis no longer seem cool

Tippi, currently 22 and living in Paris is studying cinema. You can check out her book Tippi of Africa.