I came home from work one day (in Florida, mind you) and was greeted by a raccoon stumbling down the street. Displaying classic signs of rabies. So I kept an eye on it while alerting nearby neighbors. It eventually disappeared into a wooded area. If I owned a gun, I would have shot it.

And I later found out that the best thing to do in that situation in an urban area to call the cops. Not animal control; and no, not the wildlife rescue people or the health department. The cops have guns - bang, bang, shoot, shoot.

I've had problems with raccoons getting into the cat's food and water.It's an urban area, so there are raccoons and opossums all around.

I have an air powered pellet rifle that I bought back about 1974-75 that I dug out and picked up pellets for it earlier this week.I figured I'd give some of the varmints a sore hide and they'd move on to easier pickings.

However, Sunday night while I was sitting on the porch, sacrificing the fatted cigar while the cat sat on the porch steps...three raccoons came walking up. The lead raccoon took a swipe at the cat and snapped his jaws at him.He was in an ugly mood.Naturally, the cat ran off like the brave cat that he is.The lead raccoon then came up the steps, saw me and instead of leaving, he started coming toward mesnarling his little raccoon snarl trying to intimidate me.He'd already pissed me off by farking with my cat friend, now he was farking with *me*.Not a good career move, even if you *are* the ranking raccoon of the mob!

He was less than three feet away from me, when he felt a 5mm pellet enter his snarling little head at several hundred feet per second.That took the fight right out of him and the other two racoons decided to go somewhere else.(Maybe a costume party or trick-or-treating since they had masks on)It's amazing what a little pellet can do when properly applied in a situation like this.I haven't killed anything ('cept mice or mosquitos) in over 30 years.Mr. Snarley McPointyteeth pissed me off by farking with my cat buddy.Don't fark with my cat buddy!

Being the troublemaker that I am, I packed him up in a plastic bag and dumped him outin a trashcan at a local gas station. Whoever changed the trash can liners Monday morning found a surprise.To add to the surreal nature of the endeavor, on the way back I had a 'possum walk right in front of my van.Sunday wasn't a very lucky day to be a varmint around me.