If this is your first visit, be sure to
check out the FAQ by clicking the
link above. You may have to register
before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages,
select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

Is 33 years difference....too much?

Hello,

I'm in my twenties and my boyfriend is in his late fifties. We get along very well and have a great time together. However, many times, people around us give us the "look" or even our close friends ask us if we are in our right minds.

Re: Is 33 years difference....too much?

Do what you like. Fuck what others think. Our age difference is 28 years. Nobody really cares as far as I can tell. Other than my family, no one has said much. My family no longer cares. I used to wonder what people thought, but don't care what other people think as most people have made a mess of their own lives in one way or another. If being different stopped us from being with who we want, most gay people would never come out of the closet.

You might find the differences in your personal interests at these points in each of your lives to be challenging, but what others think shouldn't be a factor in deciding who you choose to be with. Decide to be happy.

Re: Is 33 years difference....too much?

When we let others start running our lives then we have abdicated control. Do you ask others what food to eat? Do you care what people think when you shop for clothes? Do you ask permission of someone to go out for a movie or a drink? If you are not asking permission on everything else in your life then why would you be asking when it involves your relationship and the joy it brings to your heart?

It is your life and you live it the way you want to live it. As long as you are not in physical or emotional danger of imminent harm then you are free to pursue your happiness. Remember the words of Thomas Jefferson in the Declaration of Independence when he penned that we hold these truths to be self-evident that we are endowed by our Creator with certain unalienable rights which is life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. (note, not quoted exact) Well guess what? You have those same unalienable rights to pursue your own happiness.

Now, if you are happy, your heart is joyful, you are enjoying yourself, and you can't wait to see, talk, visit, do things with, and have wonderful sex with your partner then you are where you belong and the relationship is fulfilling to you. Go and enjoy your life.

Re: Is 33 years difference....too much?

Sometimes in relationships with a large age difference, I hear younger men say "I am attracted to him because I am very mature for my age."

What makes me a bit cynical is that I rarely hear the older men admit "I am attracted to him because I never grew up." Or maybe it's not cynicism so much as my sense of humour is geared to looking for absurdities, even if it seems more cynical than I really am.

The truth is, 33 years is a long time to do things with your life, to have accomplishments and insights, to develop a depth of perspective and life experience. When people in a relationship are that far apart in age, it is a bit unusual for them both to be at a place in life where their lives can mesh together easily. And when I was a boy, people used to say "He's like a 7 year old going on 40." But in the decades since then, I did not reach adulthood and then sit down on the sofa, content to do nothing more. The thing we can all look forward to when we turn 18 is continuing to develop as a person. Or at least we should all strive to.

I met my guy when we were both in our 20s, both "mature for our age" but it was fun to start out together, to grow with each other, and to reach our 40s having seen each other develop as people.

You wouldn't have a relationship like that. But do you even want one like that? Maybe in my relationship our similarity is our strength. Maybe in your relationship it is your difference that provides strength.

You get along great and have a great time. That should be almost enough. In your shoes, I would try to understand why he was single at his age. Divorce? Came out late? Retired party boy with no stability in his love life? Widowed? Workaholic who looked up from his office desk one day and realized he'd never taken the time to meet someone? All of those things, or anything else you can think of, will tell you something about him.

He already has a long life story. Hopefully it is interesting to you. If you like him and care about him I believe it would be. Hopefully he is comfortable sharing some of that with you. If he likes you and cares about you, I believe he would.

Re: Is 33 years difference....too much?

It's a big age difference, but I think it can work. A relationship comes down to the people involved and not the ages. That's not to say that age has no factor on things, but that it generally isn't the be all and end all of the relationship and if it becomes that, it's more than likely because one of the guys wasn't as comfortable with the age gap as they may have initially thought they were.

Originally Posted by bankside

Sometimes in relationships with a large age difference, I hear younger men say "I am attracted to him because I am very mature for my age."

What makes me a bit cynical is that I rarely hear the older men admit "I am attracted to him because I never grew up."

One thing I have heard from guys I've dated is that they liked the energy that younger guys have and that they felt that guys there are were too stuck in their ways. Of course, they also generally said they weren't physically attracted to guys their own age too, so make of that what you will.

You get along great and have a great time. That should be almost enough. In your shoes, I would try to understand why he was single at his age. Divorce? Came out late? Retired party boy with no stability in his love life? Widowed? Workaholic who looked up from his office desk one day and realized he'd never taken the time to meet someone? All of those things, or anything else you can think of, will tell you something about him.

I think that's a really important piece of the puzzle and something that when I was younger, I didn't think about enough when dating older guys. Just make sure you don't analyze it to death.

Re: Is 33 years difference....too much?

Originally Posted by altlover85

One thing I have heard from guys I've dated is that they liked the energy that younger guys have and that they felt that guys there are were too stuck in their ways. Of course, they also generally said they weren't physically attracted to guys their own age too, so make of that what you will.

This is the exact same thing I've heard from some of the older guys that I've met too.

Re: Is 33 years difference....too much?

I'm actually meeting up with a guy next week who is currently 16 years older than me. Not a huge age difference like the original poster's, but also not a small difference to look over.

It's not always someone's age that defines a person - some older men can come across very young, if not in appearance then surely in how they are as a person. The guy I'm meeting up with, we've been chatting for a while and he's a mixture of mature and young at heart. Myself, I am 33 but sometimes still feel like a fucking teenager so go figure.

What many say is true: if you and him are compatible in that he makes you happy and you make him happy then there's not a lot to worry about at all and you shouldn't care what others think. HOWEVER, having said that, I also agree with the last few posts.... I hope you have the stability of mind to try and inquire into his life, as much as he does into yours... a relationship is based on mutual understanding, respect, love, and in a lesser way sexual attraction. If you've covered the first four, then the fifth is not even a point to consider, even though onlookers may think of only that.

I wish the original poster all the best and much love in his relationship and that it may work out entirely.

Re: Is 33 years difference....too much?

Originally Posted by bsmith93

Hello,

I'm in my twenties and my boyfriend is in his late fifties. We get along very well and have a great time together. However, many times, people around us give us the "look" or even our close friends ask us if we are in our right minds.

I'm not sure if I'm being unrealistic but I'm not sure what to do....

I would love to have what you have, so don't take a great relationship for granted. Also what everyone else said

Re: Is 33 years difference....too much?

I met a guy that was 54 when I was 18. Since I was 11 I was insane for older men, and I mean older. I am now 22 and he is now 57. I have been living with him since I graduated high school and it is probably the best thing I have done with my life. I love him to death. Honestly I have turned my life around because of him and for that I am internally grate full. I have noooo idea what I would do/where I would be rite now with out him.

Re: Is 33 years difference....too much?

Originally Posted by dougmc92

is it a sugar daddy relationship? Does he support you? If so- that's not healthy- but if you work/support yourself, etc- do what you want....

Hmm, I disagree, this is put way too simple...
If the older guy just supports (=pays) you, because you have sex with him, even though he'd never admit to do so, then it's kind of sad indeed. But who are we to judge??? As long as both parties enjoy it...

AND: When a younger guy is in a relationship with an older man, it is ALMOST ALWAYS the case that the older guy earns a lot more money. What kind of weird relationship would that be then, where the dad doesn't pay for the son when they go out for dinner or the occasional movie?
Seriously, there's a big difference between payment and support based on affection.

Re: Is 33 years difference....too much?

Its not age difference to me its the love and compassion two men have for each other. To I like an age difference being a mature man myself enjoy young lad who wants the experience and older or mature can give.

Re: Is 33 years difference....too much?

Funny it's 33 years. My ex and I had the same difference in age. It didn't end up working for us , though we were together 8 years.

I was 19 and he was 52 when we met. The factors that ultimately ended our relationship were a combination of many, not just the age difference. So as in any relationship, there are going to be stress factors. The age difference is just one more on top. We ended up splitting mainly from personality differences.

Some things we had on our side is that we were both healthy, and he could pass for my dad. Nobody looked at us twice most of the time.

The one question I would ask you is.. Are you strongly attracted to guys younger than him? 10 years or more younger...? Because if you are, the more time goes on, the harder it will get for you to justify the age difference in the future.

My ex is 61 now, but can still pass for mid 40s, so that never became a big issue with us, but it was always in the back of my mind.

Btw, we are still best friends and I love him to death. So, the relationship was 100% worth it for me. Good luck!!!

Re: Is 33 years difference....too much?

bsmith93, when you're into old guys it will NEVER do you any good to think in terms of "too old".
Face it, late 50s isn't older, it's old (my husband is 63, I'm 36). But as this is obviously the only kind of person we're really attracted to, for whatever reason, it's exactly the right age for us.

You'll be ok with an old BF.

People are telling me for like 15 yrs now that i was "too old" for videogames. So fucking what? Of course I keep playing them despite this. And of course I keep on being into no other men but 55+ daddybears despite they say that they might be too old for me...

Seriously,would you be waiting for 30 yrs just so you can have a partner you dig who ISN'T TOO OLD for you in the world's eyes??? No fucking option.

Re: Is 33 years difference....too much?

I've almost always been involved with guys who were at least 15 years younger than me. (I used to meet a lot of them, some of whom are still friends, on biggercity, but that's pretty dead now.) It's probably because I matured late socially for a lot of reasons, I don't know, but I'm not in the same place as guys my age.

My last boyfriend was 22 years younger than me. He was a competitive martial artist, and I took over all the scheduling of events and training and such. It worked out really well. We had all the training set up for him to compete for France in the 2016 Olympics. He died last September and he never got to compete. But he was the best person I've ever known, and if I let our age difference stop me from being with him, I would have missed the best part of my life. So if it feels right, and you love him, and you want to be with him, screw what other people think, be grateful that you got to be alive at the same time, and enjoy what life brought you.

Re: Is 33 years difference....too much?

Originally Posted by Boy Wonder

I met a guy that was 54 when I was 18. Since I was 11 I was insane for older men, and I mean older. I am now 22 and he is now 57. I have been living with him since I graduated high school and it is probably the best thing I have done with my life. I love him to death. Honestly I have turned my life around because of him and for that I am internally grate full. I have noooo idea what I would do/where I would be rite now with out him.

That's true for me as well. I remember fantasizing older man, as old as Clinton, when I was a kid. For whatever reason, I just didn't find guy of my own age attractive at all. Now I'm dating a guy 20 years senior. We haven't been together for long(3 months now) but I'm eager to learn more about him.

Re: Is 33 years difference....too much?

Originally Posted by ohthatsbetter

I've almost always been involved with guys who were at least 15 years younger than me. (I used to meet a lot of them, some of whom are still friends, on biggercity, but that's pretty dead now.) It's probably because I matured late socially for a lot of reasons, I don't know, but I'm not in the same place as guys my age.

My last boyfriend was 22 years younger than me. He was a competitive martial artist, and I took over all the scheduling of events and training and such. It worked out really well. We had all the training set up for him to compete for France in the 2016 Olympics. He died last September and he never got to compete. But he was the best person I've ever known, and if I let our age difference stop me from being with him, I would have missed the best part of my life. So if it feels right, and you love him, and you want to be with him, screw what other people think, be grateful that you got to be alive at the same time, and enjoy what life brought you.

Re: Is 33 years difference....too much?

Wow, you went from being in your 20s in April to being 36 on July 3rd. Regardless of that slip on your part, I empathize with you. Save one, all of my BFs have been older than me, and usually by at least a decade. I have no aversion to older whatsoever, but I get so pissed off at those that are younger than me. Lol ... a session for a well-qualified therapist someday!