But one of the things they really don’t prepare you for is sex after babies, and quite how much things can change.

I’m a big fan of saying things how they are, so I asked some fellow mums to be brutally honest and frank about ways sex can change after having a baby and here’s what they said.

Things they don’t tell you about sex after having a baby

1. Looking at your lady bits the day after giving birth is a bad idea. “Whatever you do, don’t look at your fanny,” says Bella at Documenting The Drews. “I cried so much as I thought it was ruined! Luckily at two months post-partum it was pretty much back to normal, but I still remember the look of that mashed up lasagna I saw that day!”

2. Fanny farts. “I absolutely died when it first happened!” says Jenna at Then There Were Three. “I ended up laughing which caused it to happen again, and I’ve gone red just thinking about it!”

3. The slightest touch can make your boobs spray milk. Everywhere. “It literally shoots across the room,” says Beth at Twinderelmo. “It can make for some seriously messy ‘fun’!”

4. The train no longer pulls into the station. “The funniest thing I ever heard was from my friend after her first who said, with a look of pure horror, ‘the train used to pull into the station but now it’s like the channel tunnel down there!’” says Amy at All About A Mummy.

5. You might need lube. “Especially when breastfeeding, as it can affect how much vaginal fluid you produce,” says Zoe at Lycrawidow. “Just not the tingle lube. That stuff burns more than the first post birth pee!”

6. Stitches can make you tighter. “And that’s not always a good thing!” says Nyomi at Nomipalony.

7. The noise of your belly. “The noise that a flappy deflated belly makes can be really off-putting when in the moment!” says Hollie at Thrifty Mum.

8. The mere thought of actually doing ‘it’ is absolutely terrifying. “God knows how people have kids so close together!” says Emma at The Cheshire Wife.

9. Your deepest fantasy is a weekend sleeping (alone). “I’ve got a four-month-old and this ‘shop’ is shut!” says Lisa at Bare Mother. “I open for VIP’s (very important penises) on those rare days I stop resenting my husband long enough to remember I actually do love him.”

10. The feeling that Big Brother is watching you. Or more specifically, little baby. “There will always be that uneasy feeling that someone’s watching,” says Veronica at My Parenting Journey. “You’re always on the lookout for when the baby cries.”

How about you? Can you relate to any of these? Don’t worry, you don’t have to say which ones!

Never ever look at your ladybits…stat! But especially not after birth. I remember feeling a bit like it was the channel tunnel but thankfully it eventually went back to the train station – phew! Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely xoxo

Hahaha these really made me laugh! We waited a bit longer – I think it was 8 weeks with no hanky panky, but tbh I don’t really remember any scarring moments from it! Absolutely second not looking down there though!!!!!!! #coolmumclub

With a 6 week old I can relate to this post soooooooo much! The train has got no where near the station yet! I had my 6 week check on Friday and the Dr mentioned contraception – really? As if leaky boobs, bleeding, a baby in the room and tiredness aren’t enough to put me off, I don’t know what is!
My poor husband #KCACOLS

Oh gosh. I remember the first time I took a mirror down to look at my lady bits after giving birth. It was two or three days later and I was scarred and bruised and swollen. I nearly fainted. Pen x #KCACOLS

Why on earth would you look down there just after having a baby?! We waited a couple months after both mine were born, we were too exhausted before then and thankfully by that point everything was back to normal xx #coolmumclub

From memory I held off intercourse with my partner until 2 ish months. Partly because I was constantly bleeding for about a month post partum and also because I had a 2nd degree tear that required stitches and felt very anxious of it hurting which would make me tense at the thought with fear. #KCACOLS

“Mashed up lasagna!” hilarious but oh so true, I made the mistake of looking after my second baby was born – horrifying!! Thank you for linking up with #KCACOLS and we hope you can join us again next time!

Laughing so much at number 4! But yes, I agree with don’t look down there – it’s horrifying. I had to get my other half to keep a close eye on my episiotomy wound because I couldn’t bring myself to inspect it closely for weeks! #TwinklyTuesday

Oh my god the ‘fanny fart’ cringe is real!! Embarrassingly it pretty much happens all the time now and I’m so glad my hubby doesn’t have any plans to leave me just yet! I’d be mortified if it happened with anyone but him it never fails to crack us both up! #KCACOLS

haha! When I was in hospital years ago now, you were in for 5 days for a normal birth! yes, 5 days. And the first day of the Drs rounds he mentioned contraception… yes… nearly punched him! Wouldn’t it be more subtle to sent a female round? And then on the day of going home two came round and said all is fine, didn’t examine me. So I asked, what about my stitches? You didn’t have any. Er, yes, I did, I was there you know. Unfortunately! Honestly! Thankfully I didn’t look below but a great tip is to dry yourself with a hairdryer on low (not high or too close!!) as it’s gentle.

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I'm a wife, mother, freelance journalist & blogger. Not necessarily in that order. Join me as I navigate the previously unchartered territory of motherhood always safe in the knowledge there's a bottle of wine in the fridge...

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