So, a strange thing happened tonight! I'm in the meeting, and I pick a stick from the jar; and it says commitment! So, I speak on it! And I freak out! And start to loose it! It hits home deep into dissociative disorder! I cant make commitments! So their I am freaking out, cussing! Yelling, heaving! Hating! Getting sick to my stomach! I cant make a commitment! It is worse then death; it is death war!

I will be controlled and destroyed or abused! But in actuality, I am closer to the core and the truth then before! This is a closer position!

And all of this in front of a room full of people! Yelling! Screaming from the pain! Hating it! Loathing it! It makes me sick! Sexual abuse; that is what it reminds me of! But I want commitment! But I don't!

Getting close to people; to women! That is what I want! But a window is between me and them! Hopefully this window will come down!

Women like me and it's a shame I cant get close to them; only look at them! And they look at me! When one starts looking at me, the others start looking at me! I want to sleep with them! I hate this!