So What’s in Your Satan Sandwich?

After Rep. Emanuel Cleaver (D-Mo.) described the debt bill as a “Satan Sandwich” we wondered what Washington journos (and the husband of one) would put in their own satanic sandwiches. No, it’s not a pick-up line but say it enough times and it starts to sound like one. Some reporters claimed their brains were fried from the debt deal and couldn’t think up a clever response. Others shot back quick, clear and strange replies. We don’t even want to contemplate the deeper meaning behind the fact that Mediaite‘s Tommy Christopher has his own “dry rub.”

NYT Carl Hulse: “Mine would have to be stuffed with brussels sprouts. It is practically the only food I wont eat. Probably covered in some sort of nasty vinegar.”

The Weekly Standard/Daily Caller‘s Matt Labash: “Satan Sandwich Ingredients: Bottom piece of bread: Monica Cruz; Top piece of bread: Penelope Cruz; Lunch meat: Me; Toppings: marshmallow fluff, apple butter, and taramasalata. Just to make sure we all stick together. You can also sprinkle some tax cuts for the rich on there – the Cruz sisters are very wealthy. We will use the spoils to buy ourselves more sticky sandwich spreads. Or perhaps something hotter and spicier. Like pico de gallo with Red Savino habaneros – which burn our searching tongues like the fires of hell, where Tea Partiers dance, their faces painted red with with the blood of freshly slaughtered Democratic babies. (Is Barney Frank going to eat that pickle?)”

Politico White House reporter Julie Mason: “Mortadella, fingernails and a centipede. I will eat it watching the first season of ‘The Bachelor.'”

Roll Call feature writer Emily Heil: “I’m pretty sure someone otherworldly has to be behind the G-man sub at Mangialardo and Son’s over on Pennsylvania Avenue. It’s got like five kinds of meat and this bread that they bake fresh daily–possibly in the fires of hell. I dream of it sometimes.”

Qorvis’ partner and former TWT Editor Sam Dealey: “[NRSC Spokesman] Brian Walsh’s dog Rudy, American cheese product, and a side of Freedom Fries. Pretty much what I was served on my United Airlines flight today from San Antonio.”

NJ Spokeswoman Taylor West: “Parking tickets. I’ve had to eat far too many of those recently. Oh, and sauerkraut. Because whenever I hear about the smell of brimstone, that’s what I imagine it smells like.”

Conservative writer who helped found The Daily Caller Derek Hunter: “Liverwurst with cream cheese, Dijon mustard and some bacon thrown in to make you think it might not suck, on pumpernickel with a side of having to eat it with Nancy Pelosi. If you’re going to be forced to eat a Satan Sandwich it’s safe to assume you’d be eating it in your own personal Hell.”

Labor journalist Mike Elk: “Right now I am on vacation in San Francisco and they sell all these ‘incredible edibles’ at these medical clinics. Put some of those edibles in a Satan sandwich, you can make any sandwich a really good time. Go to a reggae concert after eating that Satan sandwich and you’ll have a real gooooood time. I mean real good.”

The Daily Caller‘s Matthew Boyle: “Fresh cape cod haddock battered with beer from The Daily Caller kegerator. I’d drizzle The DC beer-battered haddock with hot sauce. What would make it “Satanic” is how I’d get the hot sauce – I’d steal it from whoever in our office happened to have some.” (People actually bring hot sauce to the office?)

Unnecessary Answer of the Lineup: “Um, deviled ham, goat cheese and arugula? Eh, but that’s not very good. This would all be a lot funnier if the deal had been referred to as ‘Satan’s Taco.’ That I could work with.” — MetroWeekly‘s C0-Publisher Sean Bugg (Oh, Bugg, we joke. We love your answer. Who else would say “deviled ham?”)

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