The Voyage of Captain Popanilla, by Benjamin Disraeli

Chapter 16

On his return to Hubbabub, the Chevalier de Fantaisie found the city in the greatest confusion. The
military were marshalled in all directions; the streets were lined with field-pieces; no one was abroad; all the shops
were shut. Although not a single vehicle was visible, Popanilla’s progress was slow, from the quantity of shells of all
kinds which choked up the public way. When he arrived at his hotel he found that all the windows were broken. He
entered, and his landlord immediately presented him with his bill. As the landlord was pressing, and as Popanilla
wished for an opportunity of showing his confidence in Skindeep’s friendship, he requested him to pay the amount.
Skindeep sent a messenger immediately to his banker, deeming an ambassador almost as good security as a nation, which
we all know to be the very best.

This little arrangement being concluded, the landlord resumed his usual civility. He informed the travellers that
the whole island was in a state of the greatest commotion, and that martial law universally prevailed. He said that
this disturbance was occasioned by the return of the expedition destined to the Isle of Fantaisie. It appeared, from
his account, that after sailing about from New Guinea to New Holland, the expedition had been utterly unable not only
to reach their new customers, but even to obtain the slightest intelligence of their locality. No such place as
Fantaisie was known at Ceylon. Sumatra gave information equally unsatisfactory. Java shook its head. Celebes conceived
the inquirers were jesting. The Philippine Isles offered to accommodate them with spices, but could assist them in no
other way. Had it not been too hot at Borneo, they would have fairly laughed outright. The Maldives and the Moluccas,
the Luccadives and the Andamans, were nearly as impertinent. The five hundred ships and the judiciously-assorted cargo
were therefore under the necessity of returning home.

No sooner, however, had they reached Vraibleusia than the markets were immediately glutted with the unsold goods.
All the manufacturers, who had been working day and night in preparing for the next expedition, were instantly thrown
out of employ. A run commenced on the Government Bank. That institution perceived too late that the issues of pink
shells had been too unrestricted. As the Emperor of the East had all the gold, the Government Bank only protected
itself from failure by bayoneting its creditors. The manufacturers, who were starving, consoled themselves for the
absence of food by breaking all the windows in the country with the discarded shells. Every tradesman failed. The
shipping interest advertised two or three fleets for firewood. Riots were universal. The Aboriginal was attacked on all
sides, and made so stout a resistance, and broke so many cudgels on the backs of his assailants, that it was supposed
he would be finally exhausted by his own exertions. The public funds sunk ten per cent. daily. All the Millionaires
crashed. In a word, dismay, disorganisation, despair, pervaded in all directions the wisest, the greatest, and the
richest nation in the world. The master of the hotel added, with an air of becoming embarrassment, that, had not his
Excellency been fortunately absent, he probably would not have had the pleasure of detailing to him this little
narrative; that he had often been inquired for by the populace at his old balcony; and that a crowd had perpetually
surrounded the house till within the last day, when a report had got about that his Excellency had turned into steam
and disappeared. He added that caricatures of his Highness might be procured in any shop, and his account of his voyage
obtained at less than half-price.

‘Ah!’ said Popanilla, in a tone of great anguish, ‘and all this from losing a lock of hair!’

At this moment the messenger whom Skindeep had despatched returned, and informed him with great regret that his
banker, to whom he had entrusted his whole fortune, had been so unlucky as to stop payment during his absence. It was
expected, however, that when his stud was sold a respectable dividend might be realised. This was the personage of
prepossessing appearance who had presented Popanilla with a perpetual ticket to his picture gallery. On examining the
banker’s accounts, it was discovered that his chief loss had been incurred by supporting that competition establishment
where purses were bought full of crowns.

In spite of his own misfortunes, Popanilla hastened to console his friend. He explained to him that things were not
quite so bad as they appeared; that society consisted of two classes, those who laboured, and those who paid the
labourers; that each class was equally useful, because, if there were none to pay, the labourers would not be
remunerated, and if there were none to labour, the payers would not be accommodated; that Skindeep might still rank in
one of these classes; that he might therefore still be a useful member of society; that, if he were useful, he must
therefore be good; and that, if he were good, he must therefore be happy; because happiness is the consequence of
assisting the beneficial development of the ameliorating principles of the social action.

As he was speaking, two gentlemen in blue, with red waistcoats, entered the chamber and seized Popanilla by the
collar. The Vraibleusian Government, which is so famous for its interpretation of National Law, had arrested the
Ambassador for high treason.