Me, Denis, and about 20,000 other people were at the Staples Center last night for The Who concert. I’ve never been to a concert like this before (does Donnie & Marie count?) and it was LOUD! How do I describe the level of loudness? I could physically feel the thumping of the bass in my chest like it was pounding against my heart. If someone you know goes into cardiac arrest, get them to a rock concert! It’ll snap that puppy right back to life! Once I got my earplugs in, I really enjoyed the music by the two remaining members of The Who, Roger Daltrey and Pete Townsend. They played their entire rock opera, “Quadrophenia” followed by some of their big hits. The drummer, Zak Starkey (Ringo Starr’s son), was incredible and there were six video screens with fantastic graphics. They also used the screens to play nice tributes to Keith Moon and John Entwistle with their solos integrated into the live music so well it was hard to tell them apart.

We had center floor seats in the 12th row but we didn’t use the seats. Everybody stood for the entire two hours so if you didn’t stand, you could only see the screens. They rocked. Roger was bare chested, swinging the microphone. Pete was doing windmills on the guitar. They’ve still got it! They’re pushing seventy and performed for over two hours. And I was whining about having to stand up. I have a new perspective.

This morning I decided to walk out on our second floor balcony to check the gutters that face the backyard. What I saw was one of our cushions laying on the floor of the balcony and I have no idea how it got there. It’s a 12-inch square patio cushion that looks like it was tossed onto the balcony. The last time I saw this cushion, it was on a patio chair that sits below the balcony. We have no children and the only people to frequent the backyard (besides the deer, coyotes, and various annoying critters) are the gardeners who are nice guys and would not pull pranks. How did it get there? Is it possible a hawk or owl picked it up and dropped it there? Maybe there was an animal on the cushion and the bird picked up the animal and cushion together, then dropped the cushion? It’s a mystery.

I went back to the gum guy on Thursday. Here’s my problem: If I was having open heart surgery, I don’t want to hear, “We’re going to crack open your chest with a chain saw, pry you open with a huge metal vice, then start slicing up……” No! I don’t need to hear that! All I need to hear is, “You’re not going to die.” So I get there and am in the chair with the woman who’s about to work on my infected tooth. This time I know not to look at any of the sharp, pointy, metal tools. Then in comes the gum guy, who said hi to me and then started to review my x-ray with the technician, telling her what needs to be done. “You’ll have to use that long blah-blah tool and get way up into this area here – it may take some time – but you’ll have to scrape all of this out. If she needs more numbing, you can give her another injection.” Hello!! I’m right here!! I did not need to hear that.

I thought about making a run for it. Maybe I should ask for a bunch of Advil & Tylenol… not for the pain… I want to get high. Next time (and there will be a next time) I’m bringing my ipod. If I ran things, every dentist’s office would serve wine.

I went to THREE dentists today! I started with my regular dentist for a tooth that was very painful to the touch and forget about eating on that side. I was pretty sure I had an infection. She took an x-ray and said it didn’t look like an infection but it could need a root canal, or maybe it’s a gum/bone problem. “It’s hard to say.” Meantime, I’m in pain but don’t like to take medication. So she called the root canal guy who agreed to see me right away. I asked if I should take my x-ray with me and she said, “I already emailed it to him.” Wow. The last time I needed dental work, they clipped my x-ray to a lighted screen and it was the size of a postage stamp. I headed for dentist #2 who took some kind of 180 scan photo and then started poking around but I was in pain so he offered to numb the area. I made the mistake of opening my eyes and seeing the needle before it went in. I’ll never do that again! He numbed the area (so he said) and then started shoving a sharp metal ice pick into my gums. Okay, it may have been a thin dental probe but com’on! I could still feel it! It must have been two feet long! What’s the point of that anyway? Then I asked if I could rinse….. and I saw blood!!!

“You don’t need a root canal,” he said, “but you have to see the gum guy.” He didn’t call him the gum guy but I left and headed for the third dentist. On the way, the numbing stopped working and now came some serious pain, from the damage done by the ice pick. When I got to the third office, I was in severe pain. I must have looked bad because they gave me 4 Advil and 2 Tylenol all at once. With no food. Before the pills kicked in, I was in chair #3 and out came the ice pick again. He started with the poking and the prodding and I pushed his hand away. “Can you give me some topical stuff for pain before you go mining in there?” He offered another numbing by needle and much as I hate needles, it was a relief. Go for it. It can’t hurt any more than this pain I’m having now. So I got another injection (so it seemed) until the prod came out. Maybe they should wait a little longer for the numbing to work – just a thought. There was more sharp, jolting pain and when he was done he said, “You don’t need gum surgery. There may be a crack in the root but it’s hard to say.” He suggested I have the infection cleaned out for starters and see if it heals up on its own. I’m going back Thursday.

Finally, I was able to drive home. The pills kicked it and the pain was gone… but I was high! With no food, the pills made me dizzy and I was afraid I’d get a DUI. So I pulled over, found some almonds in my purse and ate them, on my good side, the side that wasn’t numb. My bad side was still numb but I managed to get home and couldn’t wait to have some green tea and relax. I made a cup of tea, sat down, sipped my tea, and it all spilled down my face and onto my clothes. I guess you’re supposed to wait for the numbness to be gone. Who cares? I think I’m still high.

I never worried about the Fiscal Cliff because the Apocalypse was going to happen first.

What, no Apocalypse? The world was supposed to end on December 21st, but I guess not. Somebody out there probably didn’t buy Christmas presents figuring, “What for? We’ll all be dead. Why waste the money? I’ll spend it all on my funeral.” But who’s gonna come?

David Patraeus wasn’t smart enough to cover up his affair… and he was in charge of the CIA? And a possible presidential contender? Not any more. Lying and cheating have no place in politics…. wait… what?

I’ll never forget Tan Mom. Remember that woman who put her 6-year-old daughter in a tanning bed? Let’s not rush to judgement. Maybe mom’s naugahyde face was so scary, her daughter ran into the tanning bed to hide.

Get the hook! Somebody should have pulled Clint Eastwood off the stage at the RNC once he started talking to the chair. Was he serious? Hallucinating? We had an uncle who used to talk to the toaster but he’s on medication now.

OMG, the craziest story of the year was the 80-year-old grandmother who tried to “restore” a rare fresco that belonged to a church in Spain. The painting depicted Jesus but when she was done, not so much. They say she was a painter but refinishing a deck is not the same. Jesus looked more like Mr. Potatohead.

I hope they make a movie about how Katie Holmes orchestrated her escape from Tom Cruise. Some possible titles: “It’s Not a Wonderful Life” or “To Kill a Career” or how about “One Flew OUT of the Cuckoo’s Nest.”