Movie Review: Bonehill Road is a Howlin’ Good Creature Feature!

Bonehill Road tells the story of Emily and Eden, a mother/step-daughter duo who hit the road after Emily’s go-go gorilla of a husband goes blood simple and starts whippin’ Emily-ass six ways to Sunday (which I’m 100% positive he would blame on her being clumsy and accidentally walking into his fist six to seven hundred times). As our heroines do their Thelma and Louise they perform the one act that all victims of nerve shattering domestic abuse always seem to do; they nearly run down a werewolf in their economy sedan. Since said werewolf has the same personality as Emil’s hubby, he goes completely berserk, gathers up his puppy posse, and attempts to use the duo as chew toys, but they escape and find themselves at a house in the middle of nowhere…which is occupied by a complete psycho who just so happens to be a cannibal…for F’s sake can these ladies ever catch a break? With a madman inside, and monsters at the doorstep, things are going to be a bit hairy (literally and figuratively) for our protagonists!

I’m not going to beat around the beastly bush; I F’n loved the living sinister shit out of Bonehill Road! Let’s start with the biggest plus this fright flick has in it’s favor; full on, man-in-suit werewolves running amok, looking awesome, and ripping folks a new asshole…no weightless CG creatures (which always look like crap on the biggest of budgets)…just sweet, sweet practically realized glory (special mention also must be paid to the great and grizzly gore FX as well which become more and more plentiful as the film plays out)! Another positive is the unconventional story (domestic abuse survivors run afoul of werewolves and cannibals…you can bet your ass you’ve never seen that one before, and Dagon bless writer/director Todd Sheets for coming up with that preternatural premise), and strong acting from Eli DeGeer and Ana Rojas-Plumberg as Emily and Eden respectively (hell, the whole damn cast is fangtastic), and a great crimson-soaked cameo from genre legend Linnea Quigley.

The only negative that Bonehill Road has is it’s short runtime (the flick runs an hour and fourteen minutes with a whopping ten minutes of credits). I wanted more of this awesomeness dammit (though be advised, there is a post credits coda). Hey Todd, just make a sequel and we’ll be good, okay?

About DanXIII

Daniel XIII; the result of an arcane ritual involving a King Diamond album, a box of Count Chocula, and a copy of Swank magazine, is a screenwriter, actor, artist, and reviewer of fright flicks…Who hates ya baby?