The Book Doin’ Work

Things are starting to get real. Once I saw the cover for my first book Daddy Doin’ Work: Empowering Mothers To Evolve Fatherhood, I realized, “I’m actually going to be a published author.” Granted, I knew that long before I saw the cover – but it’s similar to how pregnant women feel once the baby kicks for the first time. They always knew they were pregnant, but feeling a tiny human roundhouse kick their internal organs makes it feel even more real. It’s no different here.

Here are some of the most frequent questions I’ve received thus far.

#1: You have a full-time corporate job, a wife, two young daughters, you’re active on social media, and you write for the Huffington Post, The Good Men Project, and a weekly blog on your website. Where in the hell did you find time to write a book?

Here’s the pre-edited version of the cover for my first book.

That’s an excellent question. The short answer is I didn’t sleep much during the past eight months or so. Whenever the girls were sleeping, I was writing. There were nights when I’d fall asleep at my desk because I was so exhausted, but I knew the book wouldn’t write itself, so I kept plugging away at it. Whatever…sleep deprivation and raising young children go hand in hand. I’ve always wanted to write a book, so I’m not about to complain just because I’m tired as hell all of the time. I’ll sleep when I’m dead.

By the way, if you want to know why I’m slow when it comes to responding to your emails, now you know.

#2: Since you’re really good at blogging, did writing a book come easily to you?

Absolutely not, because it’s a completely different skill set. It’s like sprinting compared to running a marathon – both involve running, but that’s where the similarities end. I can pump out blog posts in my sleep, but creating a book was a lot more challenging. I figured it out eventually, but it definitely wasn’t an easy process.

#3: Dude, aren’t you rolling in the dough with all of the good stuff happening to you lately?

Not exactly. I hate to break this news to aspiring bloggers, but this is not a high paying gig. As a matter of fact, it doesn’t pay much at all. I know what you’re thinking: “But what about all of the television appearances?” Nope. They didn’t pay me a thing.

“But what about plugging companies like Ergobaby all of the time?” They don’t pay me a dime for it. I just believe in their products, so I give them shout outs without asking for anything in return.

“Wait a second! You have a store on your website where you sell T-shirts and other swag. You must make money from that!” OK, you’re right. I do make money from my store. But since I have everything printed and shipped on demand by a third-party distributor (meaning that I don’t have to deal with inventory, shipping, returns, etc.), my margins are extremely small. And by “extremely small,” I mean I make anywhere between .25 to $1.25 for every item I sell. That said, the grand total I’ve made from my store in my 21 months of blogging is……wait for it……$491.35. That’s hardly funding my retirement, and I still have to go to my corporate day job to pay the bills. Also, if I want swag from my store, I have to pay full price for it just like you. No handouts for ol’ DDW.

So yeah, the only dough I have a ton of in my life right now is cookie dough. Would I love to make millions of dollars doing something I’m passionate about like my DDW brand? Of course I would…who wouldn’t? Is it my primary motivation? Of course not. If it was, I would’ve stopped months ago. I do this because it’s fun and I love talking about modern fatherhood.

#4: That DDW guy is lame. So if I post a picture taking care of my kids and it goes viral, will I get a book deal too?

Nice try, but I signed my book deal six months prior to any of the viral craziness occurring. Publishers aren’t in the business of handing out contracts to people just because they take cute pictures with their kids. If so, my whole Instagram feed would be filled with authors. I received the book deal because I can write really good. Simple as that. Editor’s Note: Calm down. The “write really good” thing was a joke.

#5: All of this evolving fatherhood stuff is bullshit. You’re just trying to appeal to women by bashing men.

I know that’s not a question, but I hear this from dudes all of the time. First off let me say there are way more good dads out there than bad ones, and it isn’t even close. However, fatherhood definitely needs to evolve and women (especially moms) play a huge role in that. I’m not going to lay out details here, because that’s what my entire book is about, but I’ll make one important point here: I will never bash great dads. The Daddies Doin’ Work of the world will love my book because it validates everything they are currently doing for their families and I will celebrate the hell out of these great men. However, if you’re a guy who thinks you’re an awesome dad just because you bring home a nice paycheck, or if you’re a dad who complains that your SAHM wife or girlfriend does nothing but “sit on her ass watching bad television all day” while you do all of the “real work,” I’m going to unapologetically and ruthlessly crush you in my book. So as former Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Terrell Owens once said, “Get your popcorn ready.”

#6: I want to start a blog/write a book. What should I do?

Do it. That’s what you should do. I started from bottom just like everyone else. Each one of your favorite bloggers started from the bottom and look at where they are now. If they can do it, why can’t you? Find a mentor in your genre and ask him/her a lot of questions, expect to make a lot of mistakes, expect to offend people, expect that some people just won’t like you, hustle hard, grind daily, and never give up – that was my formula for success in a nutshell. If you have a passion for writing, then write, and write often. Eventually things will fall your way.

#7: I want to buy your book! When and how will it be available?

The release date is September 2, 2014 and it will be available in traditional paperback and eBook format (a great way for the international audience to get in the action). Pre-orders are NOW available! Reserve your copy today at one of these fine retailers:

#8: I’d like to meet you in person. Any plans on coming out to (insert city here) to promote your book?

Shortly after the September 2nd release date, I plan to visit major cities across America to promote the book. Since it’s so early, I’m still working out the details, but I’ll be sure to let you know more once I know more.

Update: I still don’t have specific dates yet, but here are the cities I plan to hit during the book tour in September:

Los Angeles

Chicago

Houston

New York City

Hadley, MA (near my hometown)

Washington DC

Atlanta

Denver

Phoenix

If you live in or around one of those cities, be sure to subscribe via email to my blog (if you haven’t already) so I can fill you in one the specifics once I get them.

In closing, I want to offer a BIG thank you because the DDW brand would be nothing without all of your love, support, and positivity. The diversity of my audience is so cool to see, but one thing we all have in common is we want to raise our children to become the best adults they can possibly be. Fatherhood (both good fatherhood and bad fatherhood) plays a HUGE role in achieving or not achieving that goal and my book talks about that dynamic in detail. So if you like my blog, my mission, and style, you will absolutely love my book.

And if you’re reading these words, it’s my sincere hope that you will pick up a copy so I can sign it and give you a big hug/fist bump in person.

If so, then share it on your favorite social networks by using the buttons above! C'mon, don't be shy. You can also subscribe to Daddy Doin' Work via RSS or email to be notified of new rants, revelations, and random thoughts.

Hi. I love reading your posts. You are always so positive, even during moments of chaos. It’s great to read about any parent, man or woman, that approaches child-rearing with humor. (If you’re not laughing, you’re crying right?!) My husband is a true DDW. We have three boys (3.5yr old and twin 2yr olds.) If he wasn’t such a great dad and partner, I would literally lose my mind. I usually read your blog posts during what feels like a game of whack-a-mole putting twin toddlers back in their beds. (My hubby and I switch off nights so one can spend time with big brother.) So anyways, thanks for the nice, little read for a much needed break during our day! Congrats on the book. Can’t wait to read it!

I rarely comment, and I do have a blog that I haven’t had the time or motivation to update in a good long while, which is why it’s not in the website field. I just wanted to say that I have absolute respect for and what you are doing. Not just because you are an amazing dad, but the fact that you recognize other amazing dads. My daughters dad isn’t hers biologically but he is the most amazing father I could have asked for, and that extends to his family as well. There are deadbeat dads out there, no one can deny that, but the fact that you focus on the good is fantastic. Every parent out there needs to hear from time to time that they are the shit. It’s a natural fact. I can tell you I have epic fail days, not just moments. Days where my three pups and my four year old have pushed every button I have and a few I didn’t know about, learning how to handle that is a part of parenting. So I have to give you major props on being the voice of great parents everywhere. One if my absolute favorite lines from one of your posts was “they are not lucky to have me as their dad, I am lucky to have them”. That was powerful and I wish there were more parents who viewed it that way. Keep doing what you’re doing, can’t wait for your book, and thank you for the smiles you give me with your wonderful posts!

Congratulations on the book! I can’t wait to read it, I just started reading your blog and have really enjoyed it so far. I’m interested to read more about your angle, encouraging mothers to evolve fatherhood, as opposed to empowering fathers to evolve fatherhood. I’ll also take a look around your site to see if you go into it here.Angela Gilmore recently posted..Creamy Tomato Soup

I am following you on your journey, and I love your frankness and honesty. I hope to some day write good too ha ha I love what you’re doing, and I love to see good dads rise up! I’m lucky to be married to one. Keep up the good work!

I’ve been with your blog since the beginning, I’ve watched you grow (in a non stalkerish way lol) as a father and as a writer. From when DD1 was a whole lot smaller and before DDW2 was even a dream waiting to happen. I have no doubts at all that your book will be successful, because you believe in what you write. The whole DDW thing isn’t a gimmick, it’s a way of life. I guess that’s what the haters don’t get. xx

Hey there DDW – I’ll definitely be buying the book. Will we be getting an email to our inboxs to tell us when it’s out? I’m not 100% sure what the content of the book is, but the title Empowering Mothers To Evolve Fatherhood is what’s got me – I know so many Mum’s that used to think the world of their partners prior to having kids, but now diss them every two seconds because ‘they don’t get it’. Sure, some guys are ‘useless and don’t get it’ (and some lasses are too whilst we’re at it!), but I always find myself asking ‘when did you stop expecting them to get it’? My partner and I always expect equality from each other – WE BOTH had a child, so WE BOTH get to be parents. If either partner thinks that being at work all day and coming home is ‘hard’, they haven’t been the full time parent. It’s 24/7, and if they slowed down and quieted the self-absorbed noise in their heads for just a few seconds, they’d see their partner looking much more tired than they used to – and maybe even wonder why and how they might help. It’s not a competition for who is more buggered (as the person working and being able to sleep all night would LOSE), or a comp for who has more on… it’s an opportunity to become a better team and fall even deeper in love. Keep up the good work, I hope the haters wake up.Food Floozy recently posted..Here’s to you, Mr Burch

I just love your posts to pieces! Love number 5!! My dad is that way, Thinks because I have raised my kids I have not done anything and am not working!! Whatever guy, screw off is my thoughts about that! Love that you keep it real!

I really love the fact that your book is due to be released on my birthday! I know what gift I will be getting myself and my husband too this year! 😀 love your blog! I often read your posts to my hubby and he enjoys them too.

I so sorry I missed the giveaway. I had the perfect brand new father to nominate. ( I introduced the couple 3 years ago, happily married, etc) anyways, I just wanted you to know, although kids aren’t in my present and honestly might not be in my future, I appreciate everything you post because I believe that every child deserves a strong mother (figure) and a strong father (figure), they deserve love and support and you totally stand for that. I personally have two wonderful parents and I owe everything I am to them. you are amazing, i’m so happy i met you