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The Rules for Texting a Man

It’s really sad that we have to come up with rules for texting a man, right? Unfortunately, that’s the world we live in now. Technology has made everyone available at a moment’s notice, but should we be? Especially, when it comes to dating?

How are we supposed to have any mystery surrounding us? How are we supposed to have any time for the guy we like to miss us or wonder what we’re up to? We are constantly available, but should we be?

I say no.

Our technology driven society has certainly changed the dating game. For the better? I don’t know. I do know one thing, however.

You must know the rules for texting a man or you can potentially blow it!

Is it right? Who knows. Is it fair? Probably not, but it’s our reality. Therefore, I tell you what my mother asked me when I was a young child.

So What Are These So-Called Texting Rules?

Many of you know, I spent a lot of time navigating the online dating scene. I spent more hours than I would like to think analyzing text messages to guys and from guys. I spent way too much time being available via text. I also believe in Old School Dating.

How do you apply old school dating in an internet era? Here’s what I’ve come up with.

Don’t Initiate Long Winded Texting Sessions

Do not initiate texting sessions. Texting is for quick hellos, good nights, and for figuring out the logistics for meeting up. That’s all. You should not have long winded texting sessions routinely. I’m not saying you can’t once in a while, but you have to be careful. Too often, these texting relationships get stuck. Before you know it, you never actually see each other and congratulations, you now have a pen pal. (Some guys even get gross about it, if you know what I mean. Ewe). The goal should be to lure him to spend time with you in person. Like anything else, if you give too much of your time away up-front, there’s nothing left for him to work for!

Texting is NOT for getting to know each other. If a guy wants your time, he has to schedule a date with you. Of course, you can chat on the phone, but the goal is to lure him to spend time with you in person. If you’re too available via text or phone that won’t happen. Of course, we hardly talk on the phone anymore (unless you’re in a long distance relationship. That’s an entirely different post)

How to End Your Texting Session

“I’ve got to get going. I really enjoyed our chat!” Or “I’ve got to get to bed. You make me laugh!”

Make it short, but flirty. Make if fun and light. Make sure you put a feeling word in there somewhere. That way he has a little clue that you aren’t blowing him off, but you actually need to get going! You like him, and you enjoy chatting with him, but you have a life.

You could also text…

“I’ve got to get to bed, busy day tomorrow! Felt great chatting with you”

The goal is to lure him. Make sure he knows you aren’t blowing him off, but set your boundaries. If he wants your time, he has to plan. He must ask you out, or he’s not going to get the full experience of you!

I know it sounds like game playing, but it’s really not! Relationships in this digital dating world are tricky. It’s way too easy to get stuck in a texting relationship that goes nowhere. (This goes for email also) Texting only relationships are not real relationships. You cannot really get to know someone by texting.

How NOT to End the Texting Session

You also don’t want to end your text with a question. Don’t say “Talk soon? Or “See you soon?” That’s pursuing him and looks needy. That’s driving the relationship. He needs to pursue you and drive the relationship forward. You should Never Chase a Man. Men pursue, women lure. Period.

Remember the day and age when we had no cell phones, and you left a message at their house on the answering machine? There wasn’t the ability to immediately connect and be available constantly. I think that’s a good thing! Maybe that’s a little bit old school, but you know I’m a little bit old school.

Don’t Take Hours to Respond to His Text

Don’t play games and read his text but then wait an hour or two to respond. That’s dumb. Now people can see if and when you read their text. They know when you open it, so if you wait a while to respond, he will feel the drama. He also will think you play games, and that you are passive aggressive. Again, drama. If you do this, you are playing games. So, stop it!

Haven’t Heard from Him in a While?

Did he go quiet? A lot of women immediately start to freak out. Don’t freak out! Most women begin to wonder all kinds of thoughts like…

Does he like me anymore?

Is he seeing someone else?

Is he going to break it off?

All normal thoughts to have, right? Yes! Then we immediately start to lose all rational sense it seems. We ask him how he feels, and start texting him to check in. Basically, we freak out and accidentally start to pursue him! STOP.

Leave Him Be. Do Your Own Thing.

The last thing you want to do, is to text or call him and say stuff like…

“Hi! What are you doing?” or “Why haven’t I heard from you?” or “Do you still have feelings for me?” or the worst one… “Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong?”

BARF. DON’T DO IT. That will wreak of desperation even if you’re not desperate!

If you need help, get a friend to yank that phone from your hand and confiscate it at bed time! Seriously, especially if you really like this guy and think he’s the one for you.

Do NOT reach out. At some point, if he really likes you, he will reach out. If he doesn’t and you never hear from him again, it’s one of three things.

What DO you do if he comes back from a slight hiatus?

You know how it goes. You’re dating, chatting, all is well and then SILENCE. A few days or a week goes by and then all of a sudden he finally texts you! Let’s face it, most women ask the question “Why didn’t I hear from you at all? Where have you been?” Or, the passive aggressive comment, “Wow, what happened to you? I thought you were dead!” This immediately puts him on the defense. He now feels like he has to be accountable for his whereabouts like you are his wife or something. Not all women ask, but most can’t help themselves.

Do not say this! LOL

Your response should be light and care free. Your response should be short and sweet. Your response should be something like…

“Hi 🙂 Great to hear from you!”

That’s it.

Don’t give him the third degree. Don’t ask him where he’s been and why he hasn’t contacted you. If you’ve only been dating for a few weeks or a couple of months, it’s really none of your business what he’s been up to. You aren’t married and you don’t have kids together. He doesn’t need to account for his time when he is not with you.

You will stand out, if you don’t ask.

You want to be sure that when he does initiate contact with you again, that he comes back to a happy woman! This must be genuine. You are happy and living a fulfilling life. Whether or not you hear from him does not dictate your overall happiness. It of course makes you happy to hear from him, however.

Let’s just cut out the drama. We’re adults here! If he comes back to a happy smile, he will think “wow, this girl is awesome. She lets me have some space, and doesn’t punish me when I return. She has a life and it doesn’t revolve around me!” You immediately remove a ton of pressure off of him. That feels good to him. Now he knows that he isn’t responsible for your happiness. You are fun to be with. You are not going to drain him and put unnecessary demands on him.

(Make sure by the way, that this is also the type of response you get if you’re busy for a few days and don’t have time to check in). People get busy. It happens.

Why shouldn’t you ask him why he hasn’t reached out? You shouldn’t because you don’t really care that much. Again, you have a happy and fun life. You’re busy living it. You’re not pining away after him. You’re a woman with options and he’s just one of them.

Time will tell if he plans to stick around. If he keeps up with the disappearing act, you will get annoyed and need to cut him off. Does he keep disappearing and reappearing like a freaking magician? Let him go play with his bunny and hat, and be on his way. Find someone else that has some staying power and is looking for a mature, adult relationship.

I know that once you’ve been dating someone for a bit, you tend to go down the worm hole with over analysis over every single text. These rules should help you to navigate your dating life. If you need help, subscribe to my newsletter and send me an email! I would love to hear from you and help you decode. Just remember, it doesn’t have to be that hard.

Besides, why don’t you go MIA once in a while? What’s wrong with a little mystery?

Have the best day ever. Remember. Just because you have a phone doesn’t mean you always have to be available.

Your friend,

Niki Booker

P.S. Also, take it easy on the emojis. One happy face won’t hurt, but let’s not go crazy. 😉

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The advice offered in this blog is intended for informational purposes only. Use of this blog is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, medical, legal, or other professional advice. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional, psychological or medical help, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified specialist. The opinions or views expressed in this blog are not intended to treat or diagnose; nor are they meant to replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from a licensed professional, physician or mental health professional. This blog and its author are not responsible for the outcome or results of following any advice in any given situation. You, and only you, are completely responsible for your actions. This website is not intended to be viewed by minors or anyone under the age of 18. By entering this site, you are agreeing that you are over the age of 18.