(Closed) Am I being unreasonable?! Am I wrong to be annoyed??

I’ve been having some bridesmaid issues. One in particular is driving me up the wall. She hasn’t been answering any of my messages so I sent her one a few days ago asking if being a bridesmaid was something she still wanted to do. We talked and she said she knows she’s been a bad friend but would like to still be a part of things. I really don’t want her there, but I also don’t want to be the bad guy which is why I’m not kicking her out – I wanted her to make the choice.

Anyway, I had sent a message over 2 weeks ago asking my BMs about the dress, gave them the cost, and asked if we could go to the store, try it on get measured and order. The store said on average it takes 4 months, but my friend’s sister ordered her BM dresses there when she got married, and said they were a month later than initially predicted. So I figure, worst case, 5 months.

I have one BM leaving on a trip, going to the other side of the world, for at least a month, beginning of April.

I wanted to order these dresses asap to get it over with and because that BM is leaving on a trip. I can’t wait for her to get back because I feel that’s cutting it too close. And what if she decides to stay longer? It wouldn’t be the first time that’s happened.

My BM has had 2 weeks to think about it, never responded. We talked last night and she said she can’t afford the dress until the summer. Fine, I said I’d pay the deposit and she can pay me back. Now, she also has no time to go down to the store until Spring Break.

She doesn’t even have 2 hours out of any day, weekend or evening, to go down to the store? I have to wait over a month for her to be ready? My friend leaves on her trip beginning of April. What if something happens and we can’t go spring break? I want to order the dresses all together. Spring break is the last week of March.

Am I being unreasonable? Should I be firm and say we have to get these dresses out of the way? Am I being too controlling?

Also just want to mention that another reason I wanted to do this earlier is I’m worried that I won’t be able to schedule a time that works for everyone very easily. The store’s hours aren’t the most ideal.

@MissKit: I’m confused. Why do you want the dresses to be ordered all at once? Can they not be ordered separately? Why can she not go and get measured/order the dress on her own? Can the store not do a layaway or payment plan with her in lieu of a deposit? Don’t lend her money, it sets a bad precedent and will poison your relationship.

Also… you said you want her out, but don’t want to be the bad guy. If you don’t want her there, please for both of your sakes step up and ask her not to be in the party, but realize this may end your friendship. If you don’t want her in the party you will likely have pictures and memories of someone in your bridal party that you don’t consider a friend. By not wanting to be the bad guy you are putting her in a situation where you are forcing her to be the bad guy when there is this expectation that “the bride is stressed, don’t upset the bride.” This is not fair to do to her since you are putting her in a situation where she cannot win. If she says “I want out,” she’s the bad guy for dropping out. If she wants to stay in, she’s the bad guy because she didn’t answer the way you wanted.

Long story short? Yes, you are being controlling and unreasonable because you are not being flexible with the method in order to achieve your objectives. Yes, your BMs is also being flaky. The objective being: order the dresses. By making it: order dresses on this specific day all at once, you are creating a situation where there will be more obstacles and complications to getting the dresses. If she can’t make it, why can the majority not decide on which dress since you have the overriding vote anyway?

why does she have to go? just go pick the dress out and have the girls get measured on their own. All my girls were measured at different places, and just called their measurements into the bridal shop to order. Not a big deal.

@MissKit: I think you teetering on the bridezilla line. Why do you have to all go together to order the dress if it’s already been picked out? People are busy, and trying to get everyone’s schedule to line up for one day may be hard. If it were me I would give your BM’s a deadline for when they need to have the dress ordered by and let them worry about when they can get their butts to the store. Worse case scenario, they can take their measurements and call in the order, just give a credit card over the phone for the deposit.

@MissKit: All my girls ordered their dresses at different times, from stores in different states. The color was exactly the same.

You are stressing about something that is not a bit deal. Your wedding is 9 months away and it only takes 4-5 months for the dress to arrive (oh and my girls were also told 4-5 months, and they arrived within 6 weeks).

@MissKit: From the same dye lot only matters if the dress is made from different dye lots. Seriously. No one will notice if one is slightly different from person to the next unless they are identical twins joined at the hip all evening… even then it’s a stretch. Yes, they are different dye lots, but they are not substantially different. It is the same chemical formula. Unless you are carpeting one room, sewing one dress, or sewing panel of drapes for one window, dye-lots do not matter. This is because taking two dye-lots to make one item could possibly cause problems. Usually it does not. And they would only be using fabric from one dye lot to make one dress.

I still don’t understand why the only two options are end of March or June. Can you not order the dresses end of March and then in April? If you want all of them in at the same time and ordering them separately within a month of each other is not an option, then just get their dress sizes, go up one, and order them yourself.

Honestly, it looks like you are just looking for a reason that this girl cannot be a BM and are fixating on the dresses to avoid flat out kicking her out.

You do not all need to go and try on dresses at the same time, or order at the same time. Give everyone the dress info and the very last date they can order it, and then leave it alone. They are all adults and can surely handle ordering and getting measured themselves. Some stores even let you do your own measurements and call them in, so your bridesmaid who doesn’t have time to try the dress on can just call the store and order it that way.

I don’t understand why yall have to go together if the dress is already picked out. As far as her being measured, if she can’t go, get a girl that close to her size and get a size up from that. That way, she can have it altered to fit and she’ll have the dress on time. (:

It sounds like maybe this is less about the dress issue and more about you wanting her out. You gave her the option to back out and she didn’t take it. Either you’re stuck with her now, or you have to woman up and tell her the truth. However, if the only reason you want her out is because of this dress issue, then I think you’re making something out of nothing. Everyone else has already mentioned the order schedule thing, so I won’t repeat it. Sort out what’s really going on in your mind and go from there.

this is really not a problem at all. my bm all live in different parts of the country. i picked one bridal store , picked the dress and gave them all my bm names and info. each bridesmaids calls in with her measurements and credit card. they take all the info and don’t actually put the order in until ALL info is there. that way they are ordered into the designer at the same time (hence same dye lots) but each maid can do it at her own time.

problem solved

they really don’t need to go together. hell i didn’t even let my girls try it on. couldn’t just picked the style designer and color for them 🙂