Maryland Starbucks to Start Serving Old Bay Spice Lattes Next Week

By Eva Niessner

R1NN (Route One News Network) has just been informed that the coffee corporation Starbucks has made the executive decision to replace Pumpkin Spice Lattes with Old Bay Spice Lattes in every Maryland Starbucks location. The Seattle-based coffee chain made the decision after numerous complaints from female Maryland residents ages 15-22 that their lattes weren't "Maryland enough".

"Like, everybody has pumpkin spice latte pics, but we wanted something that was more us," says University of Maryland junior Lauren Johnson, who was busy taking Instagram photos instead of looking at the interviewer. "We're Marylanders, and we want crab everything. Everything. I'd eat my Uggs if they had Old Bay on them, honestly."

The implemented corporate changes will also include teaching all baristas how to make crab-shaped latte art in all foamed espresso drinks.

"Oh my GAWSH, that's so cute!" said Towson University senior Abby Davidson when asked for comment. "Like, isn't that adorbs?"

She went on to say that the taste of Old Bay and coffee would probably be bad when combined, but, "does it actually matter? The point is, it's cute and it's Maryland."

Of course, not everyone is behind the change. Many Maryland college students who hail from other states, such as Pennsylvania and New Jersey, are advocating for the company to return to pumpkin spice.

"Seriously? What is with these people?" asked Towson University sophomore Katie Smith, who was born and raised in New Jersey. "We want our pumpkin spice back! This is so gross. Now I have to drive all the way to DC for my favorite drink."

The baristas are also less than enthusiastic.

"I hope my store closes down so I never have to make another foam crab," said barista Joey Whitman, who was covered in crab dust at the time of our interview.

But the changes have been so popular with Maryland college-aged women that some stores have actually run out of crab spice.

"This is the best thing ever," Abby Davidson said. "I'm coming back again today with all my sorority sisters."