Fr O’Meara better watch himself. I’m the Papal Godfather of the Roman Catholic Church, and he’s gravely insulted me and the rest of my Vatican family. The only reason I haven’t taken him out is because of my graciousness.

Most priests (including myself) joined the priesthood because we couldn’t find a woman that would marry us. Nobody finds us attractive enough, so we join the priesthood. If you look closely enough at me, you would think I’m a Hobbit. I seriously look like Bilbo Baggins.

If Fr O’Meara thinks he’s good looking enough to grab a mate, then I say let him go. Good luck to him, but don’t start attacking me because of my views on celibacy. I didn’t choose this rule, it’s a tradition that we follow because nobody will marry us.

17 Comments:

um, desperately trying not to laugh. Wouldn't be appropriate. BUT THIS IS SO FUNNY AND IT MAKES ME WANT TO SAY SOMETHING LIKE "Hate the Game, Don't Hate the Playa," whatever that means. Thank you for your lighthearted ecclesiastical approach.

Come on. We know the Vatican has a large quantity of porn, gathered over the centuries for "research". Are you trying to tell us that there is not any monkey spanking going on in some secret back room?

This is why the Swiss Guard wear those funny hats. They can be used as a mop if things get too crazy back there.

Laughing so hard. But you know, with all due respect, I agree with you: you are not a good looking man. That being said, you could still find a mate, especially now, in light of your glorified fame. (and maybe fortune..just think of the laws in Vatican city there regarding property.)

Hey! Hobbits are good looking in their own culture! I'm sure if you looked hard enough you could find a nice Hobbit-looking woman to love you! The problem here, Dear Pope, is that men always set there standards too high. Rarely do the Hobbit men ever actually end up with the elven Queens, but that's what you all expect. Lower you standards men!