Does anyone here practice non-monogamy (polifidelity, open rlationship, group marriage..)

Tell me what had been your experience, how did you formed it, what did you do to make itnhappen, who proposed it and how.

Tell me about it. Anything.

Updates:

G.A.G might not be the place to find people with practice this

From know on it gets to specific, more word tomexplain a thing, I thin we are indeed done. Thanks for your arguments they provide me with things to inspect before taking action.

I haven't resigned to my intention of forming a polyfidelity, but I recognize how everything you said contains many threats and obstacles that have to be surpassed with planification, safety measures, patience etc.

Most Helpful Girl

Anonymous

I don't and I'm not going to. I grew up in a Muslim country and my dad had three wives. it wasn't really good for anyone. My mom and stepmothers were jealous all time. And at times they'd really screwed each other up.

For children it sucks for so many reasons, I can't even begin to explain. And in the end even my dad said he wish he had only married one woman

Well, the problem with Muslim system is that is arranged or forced marriage in most cases. Also its a patriarcal system. That is not the kind of non monogamy I'm proposing. That is different. And not everybody can be in poly, just as there are people that cannot be in mono...

I like your example cause it illustrates how bad is any system where you are forced to go with a certain dating configuration. I think dating have many aspects that should be personal and not default-one-choice.

not all Muslim countries are the same. They were all love marriages. More or less, I don't believe you would marry someone else if you truly loved you girlfriend/wife. But the point is they knew each other very well before deciding to get married

What kind of system are you propoing? I can't imagine where the problems I stated would not be there

These with I mentioned are a type of relationship called polifidelity link

For more types of relationships see polyamory with is broader term that includes polifids link Here you will see many systems, althoight there are many poliamory types with I don't like, and some that I don't knowmhow can they work actually.

You've obviouly never lived in a nonmonogamou relationship and don't know much about pshychology so you're forgiven you're naviety.

The sytem you ugget may be a tiny bit better from what we had, but all the problems are still there. Also I can't explain everthing here in a small comment but if you know anything about pshchology you'd know it's extremley unlikley all partners in the relationship will end up treating each other equal

there will always be one girl who is pretter than the other and hence get more affection from the guys or one guy who is more confident or funny than the other and hence gets more attention. If you believe in evolution you have to believe that we behave in a certain way because of it. And quite frankly it has shown that women do OK with sharing a spouse but men not at all. Like at all, it almot always reults in violence and death.

And I haven't even began to talk about what it does to children yet. I get that you're probably single without children so you're thinking selfish(no offence, it's normal, it's what most men do, but you def do too) But try to think a little ahead, you'll regret it later.

History also shows that monogamous societies almost always do much better and there is reason for that. Do a little research but Polyamory is not a viable concept for any society

1-You might have misjudged me there, I do think of future potential childs, and I do think of the consequences of my life choices in them. I believe is more on the contrary if people in the triad knows what hey are doing , I think a 3 members polifydelity can be beneficial for the children. It spend more time with at least one parent ( 2 biological and one non-bio).

2- history is written by the conquerors, monogamy rules supreme so culture is biased in this topic

Also I'm not proposing traditional poligamy, I'm proposing polydelity, and I'm proposing to do it smartly, not like in the past (sometimes present) .

3- "..a girl prettier than the other" when you 2 woman you are in love with is rather hard to find one prettier than the other. And not only when you are in love, I can compare prettyness among common girls, but not among the most beautiful women I know. If I tried to make a top 5 I would have a hard time.

There are already people that have a working polyfid... Including 2 hetero men with one women ( I would personaly not do that) maybe its not possible to treat both exactly equaly (just like we get along more with one parent than the other) but if you love them both a lot, he little difference will get drown on the huge love, like the difference between the numbers 293962 and 293898 its not noticeable specially when love cannot be counted or measured.

1)I'm afraid it's not usually that idyllic. I'm not sure if the same would be true for fathers but children will always very well know who their mother(and full siblings) are. And in a relationship with 3 or 4 people there will necessarily be fights and if it comes down to that children will stick to their mothers. Even half siblings among each other can be very cliqish and mean. Again too much to elaborate

2) well either way if you believe in evolution you have to believe that todays society is the way it is because it has proven to be more effective than others. And if you look at countries who still practice polygamy they are generally doing a lot less well.

3)I don't really get you're logic there. What makes you think you'll get 2 super hot girls? Or even just one? chances are you won't and even if you would it certainley wouldn't very common and with age they're just bound to be changes

in attractiveness. People age differently and they will look differently with age.

4)I'm not saying there aren't exeptions, but as you said yourself, men don't like sharing. Tons of studies support that. In the animal kingdom males kill all babies that are not theirs and even for humans it's believed that we evolved in a way that men can't reliably tell when a woman is fertile so that every stepfather also believed he could be the father. Before that Men used to do the same as most animals

1) true, but if childs are taking sides it means adults are taking sides, with is not sign of a healthy relationshp. Fights where you are trying to win should be avoided altogether. Things have to be handled so every child gets along , treating the other mothr as something better than an aunt.

2) I insist, I'm not proposing polygamy, I'm pposing something with is new ( like monotamy was once). Polyfidelity.

3) people make it unlikely by a) comforming out of impatience b) thinking in terms of" she is out of my league" c) not developing their personality and ability to date... In my case: I'm not imaptient and I have the porpoise of improving myself constantly... The way people age is secondary, beauty is more for the earlier stages, and hey is not like I'm going to throw away a person for gettting old.

4) different men are different. And I'm not planning of sharing, I would be the only male.

Again, I'm not suggesting polygamy(octopus with many legs/women and a head man) I'm talking about a polifydelity , specifically I like the triad configuration ( 3 persons, symetric triangle).

Everyone loves each other so no jealosy or competitivity. Yes there are problems to polyfidelity, yes a polyfidelity can result in a unhappy relationship, and even a conflictive home, child with problems..

By the way there are studies on polifidelity, and they indicate overall that polyfidelities don't have any particular tendency to being worst than monogamies.

Also, I'm not advocating that all people should ge non monogamous, or polyfidelitous. Different people are different, some people do better with a mono, some others with a poly. How much people? I don't know, maybe a lot maybe a few.

there would be some polyandrous relationships the vast majority would be polygynous or with an equal number of men in women. So the brad pitts and george clooneys of this world could have tons of wives. Average men would be lucky to get one. Even if you'd get more than one most men wouldn't so the problems that come with this (and they are huge) still exist. Again if you're sure you could get 2 wives and don't care about the rest you're thinking selfish which is normal but selfish

even when everone loves each other there is still competetiveness. That's not an opinion it's a fact. And yes age and attractiveness in age matters a lot. I don't know you could believe it wouldn't. If it's concious or not but if one of you wives ages like angelina jolie while the other gets fat, with wrinkles,stretch marks,saggy breast you will automatically pay less attention to her.

polyfidelitous societies, but guess what the ones that sticked to it died out. Everytime a society goes away from monogamy even just a bit and goes to an polygamous system it collapses a few decades later. i.e. the late romans

No its not the same, polygamy is many people in a relationship where they are centered in one person (poligynyor polyandry) in polyfidelity there are many people but they are not centered in one they are wives and husbands to each other, that's why in a triad it have to be: 3 gay people of same sex or one heterosexual with 2 bisexuals of its opposite sex. Example: john have 2 girlfriend called ana and samanta, samanta and anna are also girlfriend to each other.

... There isn't any record that there existed a polyfidetous society, believing it would be just a supposition, also its not an easy to develop thing so I doubt it can be praticed by a whole culture.

2) it isn't selfish, cause its not going to be practiced by masses of people.

3) if I had 2 wives and one aged badly I would love her the same, I'm not supperficial. And I would even make sure to make her feel loved, just like I would if I where in a monogamous relationship with her...

A poly might have serious potential of casuing problems between childs...but potential means that it -could- happen, but also means it can be avoided. Its something I have to think about and its something my partners would have to think about. It can be managed.

By the way...even if it was parctice massively...its limited to the amount of bisexual people, so it cannot be too massive. Just a smal percentage.

I still don't think you're seeing the whole picture. Before you said you know a relationship with 2 heterosexual men, so appearently biseculality doesn't seem to be a requirment there hence it's not limitied by bisexulality.

Quite frankly you wouldn't know that what extend this system would be practiced. you're right it cannot work for a whole culture but it isn't to you to tell who can do it and who can't so you have to assume

everone does. It is selfish to don't think about others. You're always talking about yourself but even with only a small percentage practicing it, it's bound to go wrong somewhere. You have to think in a wider scope

In this case potential just means the probability of something going wrong is expotentioally higher. Why risk it? To what benefit?

What Girls Said 5

I believe for some people that is true for others not. To you is probably true, so stick with that. I'm not saying any option is better than the other, I'm just sayng there are more than one option, and different options work for different people, you just think what is best for you.

I believe that it's not possible for one person to be with many people. There will definitely be jealousy between them, and some of them may not feel as loved as the others, whereas when it's one man for one women, than they could really work on their relationship and build it without thinking about others. For some people though, it may work. I've seen it on Youtube, but I would never want a monogamy relationship.

I can only give myself to one person at a time. Trying to keep onto of one relationship is hard enough.

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Anonymous

I personally don't but I have a friend who is married and they have an agreement. They have to tell each other what they want to do with the other person and if the partner says it OK, they hook up with other people.

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Anonymous

I'm not into the idea because I naturally am romantically/physically attached to one person at a time.

I won't judge anyone who practices it (given nobody is getting hurt, STDs, or lied to), BUT I resent when poly people (often guys) get into a relationship with a monogamous person (with doormat tendencies) then tries to convince the doormat to have such a relationship, or tries to instill the idea that poly unions are "hotter" and you're not "normal" is you don't fantasize about it or acknowledge the poly person is settling for the mono person.

Yeah, I agree. My ex (who was a major pervert and tried to teach me things he saw in p*rn, etc.) always would check out my friends, told me several dancers at a strip club was better than one, how poly relationships of people "he knew" worked out, etc., it gave me the impression he really wanted poly but was settling for mono with me, because I was all he could get (most women were repulsed by him). My friends told me I could do better but he convinced me that "all guys" want multiple women.

at some point I tried to have a semi sexual friendship with a guy who was polygamous but then I just lost interest completely. at first I was kind of always scared id see him with someone else or kinda heart broken like even if I silouette of a guy looked like him and he was with someone else, and now I completely don't have feelings for him after seeing other people and even after being with him again I'm sexually not turned on by the fact I know he's open to several sexual friendships at the same time.

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What Guys Said 2

Anonymous

Never tried it and never will I don't see the point in not being monogamous in a relationship.. Jealously will cause it to fall apart imo.

Depend on the individuals participating. Many people actually do this. There are non mongamomous relationships who deal with jealosy. They even use the term compersion with is opposite to jealosy, or feeling joy when you see your partner or partners happy . There are organized non monogamy, the problem comes with people doing things randomly... With also cause problems in monogamy, but those problems growh in a unorganized non mono. Also not everybody can or is prepared for non mono...

High rates of divorce are there also... One thing is being mono cause that what you really really want, and not because its the only option society gives you. Different things work for different people, you see it in all aspects of dating. Just ask something related to dating in GAG and ylou are going to get many different answer, in many cases 2 opposite answers worked to the person who said it.

I think divorce has more to do with people falling out of love than wanting to be polygamous. I think that after 10+ years of marriage and boring each other out of each others' minds it's OK to practice polygamy with each others' consent. However, I could never accept a polygamous relationship from the start.