(Closed) Family processional with divorce drama…

I know not everyone does this but my FI and I liked the idea of having our families (maybe the grandparents first–only 2 sets left, then his parents, then mine) process in at the beginnning. We’re not having ANY bridal party (none at all, not even MOH or BM). We wanted to have the families process in first 1) to include and acknowledge out families since we’re cutting out a lot of other traditional things (Dad not walking with me, probably no parent dances), and 2) to have some buffer/anticipation before I come in. I also think I might have one of my cousins (either a 3 yr old or an 8 yr old) walk with one of the “Here comes the Bride” signs.

My parents are still married, and since my Dad is not walking with me, he can just escort my mom in. Easy. Here’s the issue. FIs parents are divorced. His mother is not remarried, and we figured that FIs brother could escort her in. His father is unfortunately remarried. Neither of us can stand the woman at all for many reasons– and frankly, she doesn’t like FI either says many disparaging things, and basically she’s not family. We do not even use the word “step” because she is not family. She is his father’s wife. And that’s it. Frankly, if we thought his father would come alone, we wouldn’t have even invited her, but we did invite her, and her two sons, to be polite and “do the right thing.” But the bottom line and we don’t feel at ALL comfortable including her in our wedding ceremony. So we’re not really sure how to handle this and have it not suck.

These are the options we’ve come up with so far:

1) We have the father’s horrible wife walk with him — which we both HATE this idea because we don’t want to include someone that we hate that hates us in our wedding ceremony.

2) We don’t have any of the family process in. Which is not what we want and is basically rearranging all of our plans because of HER. Which also seems awful.

3) I thought about just having our Mom’s process in. But since I’m not walking with my dad, I feel like this would exclude him in particular and I felt bad about that.

4) For actual immediate family we each hace the 2 parents and 1 sibling. FIs brother would already be included in the plan because since FIs mother is not remarried, he would escort her. I was thinking, so as not to only exclude my sister, that we could ask for FIs father to escort my sister to her seat. That way we’ve include all and only the immediate family, so my sister isn’t the only immediate family excluded and FIs father’s evil wife doesn’t need to be involved since she’s not family.

Right now we’re strongly leaning toward option 4. It seems to be the only one that doesn’t SUCK and that we can justify in some reasonable way (so we don’t leave out my sister). Does this idea sound completely crazy? Does anyone have any other interesting alternative ideas?!

I do understand that just “sucking it up and including her” is the “right thing to do. But how many of you guys would want someone that you and your FI hate that also hates you and your FI to be a part of your wedding ceremony? It sucks, and I’m hoping to harvest the power of the hive to come up with ALTERNATIVE ideas. Thanks!!

@Eradicatereality: Every family has their issues. I was in a very similar situation only it was DH’s mom NO one could stand. No one is there for her and she will be the last thought on your mind on the day of your wedding. Maybe your FI could walk in the middle of his mom and dad down the aisle? But I feel like that would only cause more problems with your FI’s dad’s new wife. Sometimes you have to be the bigger person to have peace on your wedding day. Even though my DH’s mom caused a scene with my photographer and left our wedding right after our first dance, I can smile because I was happy and my happiness only made her more miserable 🙂

If your FI’s parents have an amicable relationship, they could still walk together even though not married (since they are, after all, both the parents of the groom). They could even both walk in with him.

If not, maybe have his mom with your dad and vice versa, and your siblings together? Very symbolic of joining the two families.

@Eradicatereality: Option 4 seems like the best one, but does definitely show that you are purposely excluding her. Unfortunately, if they are married the only thing that REALLY makes sense is for him to walk in with her.

Another (not at all perfect) option would be for each of the parents to walk in seperately.

Or… you could skip the processing in and have a unity candle or something, and have each of your ACTUAL parents bring up a candle to light.

I really like the idea of having FI walk in with his parents on either side of him! That’s actually what we’re doing, though not because of divorce, haha.

In our relationship, MY parents are divorced, only my dad remarried, and it was quite the project getting our processional sorted out. We solved our issues with grandparents, not sure if you have any of those who will be present! 🙂

@Eradicatereality: Be the classier person here and just deal with it. Trying to single her out will only call attention to her and make it more likely that she will cause a scene or have hurt feelings. Just let your FI’s father walk her down the aisle; he married the damn woman.

@Eradicatereality: I like option 4 but if anything tell have your FI talk to his parents and let them know that you want just the parents walking down together and thats all and they will have to walk a few feet together then sit down. We are doing some of the traditional dances and one of them being the group dance. FI parents are divorce and his father is remarried. For this dance we are having his parents dance together for one song for their son and after that they do not have to dance or talk or anything after that. FI still has to talk to them which could be interesting more over with his father but again its for one little thing. I’m sure his parents and walk a few steps. They dont even have to talk just put a smile on their face.

@howsweetitis: I think that FI might walk in with me, or meet me 1/2 way. And I don’t think he would want to walk with his parents any more than I want to walk with mine.

As far as grandparents go, his fathers parents said they were coming, and my mothers parents will be there– the rest are all gone, so we can’t solve our issues there because they are already coupled up.

We briefly considered just letting the father walk with his stupid wife but after we got engaged her passive aggresive crap turned into blatently aggressive crap, and FI just refueses to deal with it anymore. Our wedding day is her oldest son’s birthday apparently (and she is telling EVERYONE this over and over, because it’s very very important to her to announce it), and FI wants to suggest to his father that maybe she should go elsewhere that day to celebrate her son’s birthday. That’s how bad it is now.

So no matter how “right” it is, I don’t think he’d be okay with including her. Which means excluding everyone if we can’t find an reasonable solution. 🙁

” Our wedding day is her oldest son’s birthday apparently (and she is telling EVERYONE this over and over, because it’s very very important to her to announce it), and FI wants to suggest to his father that maybe she should go elsewhere that day to celebrate her son’s birthday. That’s how bad it is now.”

this. Shes looking for an out too. Give it to her. Have FI tell his dad that its okay for her to celebrate her sons birthday somewhere else, that you two understand. Let FI’s dad know that he is still very much part of the wedding as you love him immensely, the same way that his wife wants to love on her sons on their day SOMEWHERE ELSE. I think FI’s dad is probably thinking shes being a pita too, no? then ask fi dad to escort your sister.

If this is too wierd, you could do this – and everybody would probably be happy.

if she still wants to go to your wedding – let her be escorted down the aisle with her sons on either side, with no music, nothing. they will look like guests. start up the music after they sit. Have FI dad escort your sister as planned with music… and i love the idea of you meeting your spouse halfway. My daughter did that and it was absolutely a special moment when he looked at her, took her hand, and they walked up together. Just as they should in life…