Transatlantic Tunnel (1935) - an engineer wants to build a tunnel from America to England, but first he has to get financing from a group of investors. Then once construction begins he's working 24/7 so his wife eventually leaves him, and the tunnel seems to be headed towards an underground volcano which makes the investors all nervous. And a whole smorgasbord of other subplots. The first half was kind of boring but it got a bit more dramatic later on. The main guy was Mr. Dream Big and Work Hard; that's all commendable and everything but it makes for a very one-dimensional character. He wasn't too bad though. His wife was actually the most sympathetic character in the thing. 3/5.

Pelt (2010) - sort of a Wrong Turn type thing with some kids going camping and being stalked by a psycho hillbilly. It tries to be funny at exactly the wrong moments - as soon as they've built up a bit of suspense and the scene is working really well, along comes a joke to totally ruin it. Every time. The characters are complete morons as well, which just adds to the annoyance. The girls were very pretty though. 2.5/5.

The Legend of Bloody Jack (2007) - kids go camping in the woods, kids get killed by an axe wielding murderer. Sort of halfway between a B movie and Z grade schlock, it's biggest problem is that it's boring. The characters just aren't acted or directed well enough to work, there's no suspense and the killer's not scary. Funniest part was when a park ranger showed up and the kids told him about how one of their friends disappeared and they found a trail of blood out in the woods. The ranger says it was probably a mountain lion, your friend's probably dead and there's not much point in looking for him. Well gee, thanks for all your help dude! Then he walks around the property for a bit, using a flashlight even though it's broad daylight. Ahhhh...the girls all took their tops off so at least you know they were trying. 2.5/5.

« Last Edit: November 20, 2012, 07:57:26 AM by Jack »

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“Any intelligent person knows that life is a beautiful thing and that the purpose of life is to be happy...But it seems only idiots are ever happy. How can we explain this?”

Low budget, campy-on-purpose sci-fi comedy about the wacky misadventures of a 30th century Space Police crew and their gorgeous android pilot, named "Galaxina." As the ship makes its way to a distant planet on a mission to find the legendary "Blue Star" ("aaaah-aaah-AAAAAAHHH!"), Galaxina and one of the crew members dare to taste the forbidden love between man and machine amidst lots of cheap special effects, weird alien makeup and tons of bad jokes.

I got a few chuckles here and there but overall this flick felt more like a series of comedy sketches strung together than an actual movie. If it weren't for the fact that former Playboy Playmate Dorothy Stratten, who plays the title character, was murdered by her jealous husband shortly after the film's premiere, I doubt this movie would have the cult following that it does today.

THE FP (2012): In the future rival gangs fight for control of a lawless suburban town, gaining power and street cred by winning dance video game duels. You have to give THE FP credit for playing the goofy idea straight, but unfortunately the overall message seems to be that the wannabe gangsters of the apocalypse will be just as annoying as today's youth are. 2/5.

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"The basic plot is that Donna Speir and Hope Marie Carlton, the two undercover DEA agent Playboy Playmates from the last movie, are still running around in jungle shorts, cowboy boots and spaghetti strap T-shirts, firing their machine guns at drug smugglers, Filipino communist guerrillas, and corrupt federal agents while their two friends, Lisa London and Miss May 1984 Patty Duffek, lounge around the pool a lot and talk on speaker phones that look like fax machines."-Joe Bob on SAVAGE BEACH

PORK CHOP II - RISE OF THE RIND was a sequel to the schlocky B-grade slasher PORK CHOP that came out last year. A teenager and his family move to a smalltown, where there are rumors of mass murders perpetrated over the last decade by pig-masked killer named Pork Chop. The teen meets a quirky girl who tries to help him fit in by throwing a party when his parents go out of town, and the body count piles up quickly. Features a topless makeout scene by two of the ugliest lesbians in the history of cinema to start with, and goes downhill from there. Overall, pretty awful!

2 YOUNG 2 DIE - Stupid DTV slasher flick that lost my interest almost immediately. Not worth the rental at all.

DOCUMENTING THE GREY MAN - A "found footage" ghost hunter ripoff that moved way too slow but did have a couple of fairly interesting moments near the end. Unfortunately, it featured some plot holes you could drive a truck through! The idea was for the "ghost hunters" to fake a bunch of stuff, scare the family, and convince the viewers, and then follow it up with a confessional of how it was all done to demonstrate that reality TV is all fake. But then when real creepy stuff starts to happen, they persist with the original game plan far too long. This one really tried, but the plot was too schizophrenic to work.

2010: Moby Dick (2010) - Captain Ahab is now the commander of a submarine and he's chasing the great white whale around - which is as big as the Sears Tower lol. The rest of the Navy doesn't know about the whale so they assume he's gone nuts (very safe assumption) and needs to be stopped by any means possible. This is one of those Asylum things that's ridiculous throughout and utterly absurd in the last half hour. Best part was Capt. Ahab quoting his lines from the novel, which is done so clumsily that it just makes him sound like a complete loon. 2.5/5.

Hunger (2009) - a group of people are abducted and imprisoned in an underground cell. They're given plenty of water but no food, so as the days go by the idea of killing and eating each other becomes more and more attractive. Meanwhile a sicko psycho watches via closed circuit cameras. I don't know why movies like this get made, it's just 90 minutes of people sitting around being as miserable as humanly possible. With long stretches where nothing happens. I was going to turn it off halfway through but a combination of masochism and stupidity convinced me to stick it out to the end. 2/5.

Trespassers (2005) - some kids go to a remote beach in Mexico to do some surfing, but there are some semi-supernatural killers roaming around killing people occasionally. The scenery was kind of nice, with the beach looking pretty in the day and rather spooky at night. Too bad there wasn't a single character I could give half a damn about. And all the action scenes were done in that rapid-fire editing fashion where you can't tell what the hell's going on. I just waited until they were over and if a character didn't seem to be around anymore, I assumed they'd been killed. 2.5/5.

Logged

“Any intelligent person knows that life is a beautiful thing and that the purpose of life is to be happy...But it seems only idiots are ever happy. How can we explain this?”

Trespassers (2005) - some kids go to a remote beach in Mexico to do some surfing, but there are some semi-supernatural killers roaming around killing people occasionally. The scenery was kind of nice, with the beach looking pretty in the day and rather spooky at night. Too bad there wasn't a single character I could give half a damn about. And all the action scenes were done in that rapid-fire editing fashion where you can't tell what the hell's going on. I just waited until they were over and if a character didn't seem to be around anymore, I assumed they'd been killed. 2.5/5.

I praised Joleigh Pulsonetti/Fioravanti as the slutty Rose in one of my capsule reviews from my old blog. I thought she was most memorable, at least to me. The setting was interesting but the movie never really delivered. I should re-watch one of these days.

Trespassers (2005) - some kids go to a remote beach in Mexico to do some surfing, but there are some semi-supernatural killers roaming around killing people occasionally. The scenery was kind of nice, with the beach looking pretty in the day and rather spooky at night. Too bad there wasn't a single character I could give half a damn about. And all the action scenes were done in that rapid-fire editing fashion where you can't tell what the hell's going on. I just waited until they were over and if a character didn't seem to be around anymore, I assumed they'd been killed. 2.5/5.

I praised Joleigh Pulsonetti/Fioravanti as the slutty Rose in one of my capsule reviews from my old blog. I thought she was most memorable, at least to me. The setting was interesting but the movie never really delivered. I should re-watch one of these days.

Yeah I thought she was probably the best character too. That Javier guy was sort of interesting as well but he barely had any lines. It seemed like all the elements were in place to make a decent low budget horror flick - nice setting, fairly interesting backstory on the antagonist, etc. But it just sat there on the screen and didn't draw me into it at all. Maybe it was lousy directing...I dunno. Just another instantly forgettable movie I guess.

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“Any intelligent person knows that life is a beautiful thing and that the purpose of life is to be happy...But it seems only idiots are ever happy. How can we explain this?”

Three workin' stiffs who hate their jobs hatch a plan to help each other out by murdering each other's bosses... with predictable (yet hilarious) results. Wild slapstick comedy features great performances by Jason Bateman, Kevin Spacey (as a psycho corporate shark) and especially Jennifer Aniston, who's totally hot as a perverted dentist who can't stop sexually harassing her employee (or patients). A total hoot.

In this feature-length spin off from "Batman: The Animated Series," someone is killing off the heads of Gotham City's underworld, and Batman is the number one suspect. While trying to clear his name, he learns that the killer may be connected to someone he loved years ago, at the beginning his war on crime. Oh, and the Joker (voiced by the totally awesome Mark Hamill) gets thrown into the mix too. This action packed 'toon is better written and has more depth than many of the "Batman" live action films.

If it's true what they say, that GOD created us in His image, then why should we not love creating, and why should we not continue to do so, as carefully and ethically as we can, on whatever scale we're capable of?

The choice is simple; refuse to create, and refuse to grow, or build, with care and love.

THE INVISIBLE WAR (2012): Emotionally brutal documentary about the systemic failure of the military justice system to deal with the problem of rape in the ranks (of over 2,000 yearly allegations of sexual assault, only a little more than 25% of cases go to court martial, resulting in less than 200 convictions). Many women (and some men) are interviewed, but we mainly follow the story of a young Coast Guard recruit whose jaw was broken by her attacker as she tries to move on with her life and is refused medical assistance from the Veteran's Administration because she quit the service after being raped. Since the documentary was released, the Department of Defense has removed discretion to pursue sexual assault allegations from unit commanders, which was the main abuse the documentary highlighted. 3.5/5.

Logged

"The basic plot is that Donna Speir and Hope Marie Carlton, the two undercover DEA agent Playboy Playmates from the last movie, are still running around in jungle shorts, cowboy boots and spaghetti strap T-shirts, firing their machine guns at drug smugglers, Filipino communist guerrillas, and corrupt federal agents while their two friends, Lisa London and Miss May 1984 Patty Duffek, lounge around the pool a lot and talk on speaker phones that look like fax machines."-Joe Bob on SAVAGE BEACH

Russell Mulcahy's Tale of the Mummy (1998) - some archeologists (including Christopher Lee) discover a tomb in Egypt, but some black smoke stuff is released that turns them all to sand in a very cool scene. Later on, another team dressed in hazmat suits explores it further, and the artifacts make their way to a museum in London. But then there's apparently a break in at the museum, the mummy's wrapping go missing, and soon people start turning up dead with various organs removed. It's up to an American detective and the hot babes who worked on the expedition to figure out what's going on, and hopefully stop it. This started out fantastic, with some really cool special effects and a wonderfully huge and mysterious Egyptian burial chamber. It couldn't exactly maintain that momentum throughout, but I still enjoyed it quite a bit. The mummy appears as some CGI bandages that float around, forming the shape of the mummy or lashing out and wrapping people up and killing them. It's sort of cheesy but I thought it was cool. When we eventually see the mummy in his final CGI form, well THAT'S pretty cheesy lol. There's some insane guy running around who knows the secret of what's going on; the inclusion of that character was rather confusing, and he was more than a little annoying. Still quite fun and enjoyable overall. 4/5.

Tentacles (1977) - a giant octopus is dining on the residents of a coastal town in California, and of course you've got the kid's big boating regatta coming up soon as well. It's up to the sheriff (Claude Akins), local newspaper reporter (John Huston), but mostly a guy who puts on a killer wale show (Bo Hopkins) to save the day. This was a fun Jaws ripoff, nice and cheesy and entertaining. Kind of dragged a bit prior to (and during) the big climax though. Good performances by most of the cast, and great theme music throughout. There's lots and lots of theme music lol. 3.75/5.

Logged

“Any intelligent person knows that life is a beautiful thing and that the purpose of life is to be happy...But it seems only idiots are ever happy. How can we explain this?”

Harvest of Fear (2004) - a small town called Devil's Lake is getting ready for the annual Harvest Fest - which is sort of like Spring Break - drawing tons of horny young people ready to party. A dark secret from the past is putting a damper on festivities, a masked killer is slashing throats just like 20 years ago. The sheriff department is clueless and it's up to a newly arrived med student and local girl Stacy to solve the murders.Harvest of Fear is an ambitious 85 minutes slasher cliche; adorable, naive and honest: you get your group of fun seeking college kids, autumn decorations, small town rural setting with drinking folks sitting on porches, the hot-headed ex-boyfriend cop, dumb but sweet victims and dialogue, a decent body count, boobs, hot babes and a few awkward situations sprinkled with fine cheese. 4/5 Fun.

FEVER NIGHT AKA BAND OF SATANIC OUTSIDERS (2009): Three well-groomed would-be occultists head to the woods to perform a Satanic ritual, which not surprisingly turns out to be a bad idea. There are a few nice music video-style psychedelic/Satanic montages, but few people will be able to make it past the incredibly boring first half hour to see them. 1/5.

Logged

"The basic plot is that Donna Speir and Hope Marie Carlton, the two undercover DEA agent Playboy Playmates from the last movie, are still running around in jungle shorts, cowboy boots and spaghetti strap T-shirts, firing their machine guns at drug smugglers, Filipino communist guerrillas, and corrupt federal agents while their two friends, Lisa London and Miss May 1984 Patty Duffek, lounge around the pool a lot and talk on speaker phones that look like fax machines."-Joe Bob on SAVAGE BEACH

Transporter 2-Now I enjoyed the first transporter quite a bit but really hated Stanley Clarke's horrible soundtrack. It didn't fit the action at all and is one of the few cases in which the choice of music nearly killed my enjoyment of the film. Thankfully they have changed composers with this sequel and now finally we have music that suits this films truly ridiculous action set pieces. To me this just upped the ante to another level never taking itself too seriously and really reveling in it's own ridiculousness. Statham as always is terrific in playing the only role he ever plays, a badass. Blu ray was only 8$ new and the picture and sound are amongst the best in my collection.

Taken- OK so I'm a bit late to the table on this one but having heard great things and seeing it for cheap I picked it up the other day. I thought this was incredibly formulaic and quite cheesy, but not without some nice action. What has happened to action films when Liam Neeson can play the badass in a movie? I mean couldn't he have done a couple pushups for this role, dude just looks weak! I mean Charles Bronson was pretty old in those Death Wish movies but he was still in impressive shape and looks like he could actually hold his own.

The plot could not be more predictable and I could honestly care less if the daughter got kidnapped because she was annoying as hell. Like why is she always running like a mongoloid? Especially in the airport if i have a 17 year old kid who thought it was acceptable to run like that in the airport, I would send them away on a one way trip for good. Liam should have just saved on some child support and stayed in the states IMO. Also they are going to Europe to follow around U2?????? I should have turned the damn thing off right then and there! Great looking blu ray tho!