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As children of the 20th century, we have had the phrase “no means no” pounded into our heads since at least 5th grade. Before then, we learned about “good touches and bad touches” and to go to a responsible adult if something inappropriate happened. And I’m fairly certain we all thought we knew what “no means no” meant.

However.

As women, we are socially conditioned from birth to hide our feelings. To be polite. To say “no” without actually saying the word. To dissemble, to feint, to evade. To avoid hurt feelings, and guilt, women go to great lengths to politely to turn someone down. And because we’re so polite, so nice about it, the people we are saying “no” to generally don’t grasp that they were just turned down. In fact, for the most part, they just keep talking. Imagine how hard it is for us, or anyone really with any sense of social awareness, to say “no” to a dude handing out pamphlets on the street, or to hang up on a survey call, even if its just a robo-call! They just keep talking, because our polite answer in the negative was so very non-negative that they just keep right on giving their schpeel.

Now imagine how much harder it is to say “no” to someone trying to, or actively, sexually assaulting or raping you. Imagine how hard it is to say “no” to a stranger, and then imagine how very much harder ...

I recently got involved with the title IX movement that is making its way across headlines in the U.S. regarding college campuses, sexual assaults, rapes and how those schools are completely disregarding the physical and emotional well being of survivors.

I am a survivor.

I was assaulted my freshman year at a frat party, and brought it to the attention of the school “advocate”, who informed me that pressing charges would be time consuming and ultimately unsatisfying. It was, quote, “my word against his, and besides you’ll get in trouble for underage drinking”.

Several years later, I was raped by my boyfriend. I never told the school, due to their totally inadequate prior response, and because, well…he was my boyfriend. I thought ...

(Trigger Warning)

I recently got involved with the title IX movement that is making its way across headlines in the U.S. regarding college campuses, sexual assaults, rapes and how those schools are completely disregarding the physical and emotional ...