Scott is this guy. Sometimes he rants, sometimes he just says things that make us laugh until we cry. We decided to capture his strangeness and publish them for all of you to enjoy.
"i see evil finally has a web page. fancy that."

31 May 2012

Scott tries tech journalism

While reviewing some headphones:

Scott:
"My ears initially cowered before the sight of these mighty godzilla-like headphones, but it was when the music started and each clamshell-earpiece attempted to push my brain out through the opposite ear that I finally knew the true meaning of terror. I am unable to recall the actually quality of the sound, however I can confirm that the performance of [company's]'s new headphone-monster is equivalent to having two mob enforcers beat your brain into submission with baseball bats."

James:
Scott, you need to get into tech journalism.

"The Spleenhauser XYZ-5BILLION headphones are almost comically expensive. While I will concede that listening to music through them is akin to having each eardrum massaged between the ample breasts of a pair of Teutonic contraltos, for their price I was also hoping for some kind of magically-induced priapism, trickling down from earholes to groin like some kind of Reaganesque economic delusion."

Scott:
"Auralwombat's new Screaming Weasel XL platinum-plated ultra low impedance headphones produce sound so amazingly clear and vibrant that you will develop an enormous spontaneous erection, even if you lack a penis. We know this because all the staff here at Aurgasm Review that tried this set, male and female alike, found that their clothing immediately tore open at crotch level to reveal a rampantly engorged titanesque penis that would not be subdued until the headphones were eventually wrestled off the reluctant reviewer. Our verdict: a must buy, but not to be used in public spaces."