New Feminist Cause: Smearing Period Blood on Your Face to Combat "Period Shame"

Remember this: just because your body does something naturally doesn't mean you should feel shame. Similarly, just because your body does something naturally doesn't mean you should feel proud. Lastly, just because your body does something naturally, doesn't mean you should broadcast it for all to see, hear, or smell. Despite the three statements I've just made, some feminists seem to think there's a thing called "period shame." There isn't, just FYI. But to feel relevant likely due to a lack of meaningful accomplishments, some feminists feel the need to parade their periods for all to see. This feminist has smeared her blood alllllll over her face. Brace yourselves.

Demetra Nyx is a sex and story coach who wants to help people embrace all that they are free of shame. That's adorable.

According to The Sun, which is where I read the article,Demetraa thinks society treats periods as dirty and inconvenient.

Demetra said: "I was simultaneously embarrassed and fascinated by my period. I felt apologetic about it a lot and tried to hide it from boyfriends.

“Our society teaches us that periods are dirty and inconvenient.

“Ads about menstrual products talk about smelling ‘fresh’ or making us cleaner, implying that our bodies’ natural functions are gross."

Because many of our bodies natural functions are gross. This includes periods. I have a list of more functions below. Before moving on, I'd like to note toilet paper ads never show pee or poop. Urination and defecation are natural. They're also gross. Again, more below.

Having read over Demetra's caption with the image above, the least bloody image of the blood on her Instagram page, Demetra is certainly moon-swaying to the chimes of her own kitchen timer. She is, as the kids would say, doing her. There is likely nothing I can say to Demetra which would convince her to cease treating her own bodily fluids like acne cream. Which isn't to say I won't address the obvious silly and gross practice this is. I live for this kind of crazy.

First, I'm not sure where or when the idea of "period shame" came about. Maybe some women feel the need to hide their tampon as they go to the bathroom, either by shoving it in a pocket or taking their entire purse with them, is a form of societal shame. I actually think it's discretion. If you want to skip to the loo with your Tampax in full view, waving it like some kind of flag for an invading army, no one is stopping you. Your choice. The only people who'll know you're on your period are other women. Men haven't a clue, they're oblivious to so many things. They don't even notice when you chop off your hair or switch from glasses to contacts. I speak from personal experience. So if you think a man is going to notice you took a handbag to the bathroom, get over yourself.

Second thing: yes, the period is a natural, healthy bodily process instrumental in the creation of human life. So is a man's special sauce. Just as I don't want to see a man's life-giving fluids, so I don't want to see a woman's life-giving fluids. It has nothing to do with shame, everything to do with that's disgusting. If you ladies could pass on men talking about their jizz, they can pass on hearing about or seeing your blood. Tit for tat.

Third thing: just because the body does something naturally, doesn't mean it's also not completely gross. I present the following totally natural bodily processes few of us want to see or hear about in intimate detail:

Defication: color, temperature on exit, buoyancy, urgency, explosive power and spatter pattern following questionable culinary choices. Keep it to yourselves. Unless you can make it hilarious. Again, flush the toilets. Maybe twice.

Flatulence, also known as "boofing" thanks to Brett Kavanaugh: it's totally normal to toot. Doesn't mean you should let them rip wherever you sit, stand, or bend over. Here's glaring at you, airline passenger sickos.

Nasal emissions: color, viscosity, or whether it exited through the nose or through the mouth after judicious coughing. It's gross. Shhhhhh.

Staph infections. Do not over share this outside of your doctor. Not to be confused with Instagram.

Blisters in various stages: let those suckers do what they do, and try not to post pictures of them, in any state, to your social media. We get it Crossfitters, you tore while doing Murph. You're such a brave soldier. But only you care, so stop it.

In conclusion, there's no such thing as period shame, only our bodies are gross let's all keep it to ourselves. People who take pride in what their body does without effort have made no real efforts into anything for which they can take pride. That or they're somewhat insane.