Sermons

Five Fabrications, Falsehoods and Fallacies IIIDr. Richard began this series of Five Fabrications, Falsehoods and Fallacies with ”I am my body.” Then he addressed “I own stuff.” When Richard asked me to speak today I chose the falsehood “I am my story.”

As the holidays are just around the corner, I am reminded that as a young child, I liked to sit at the adult table at Thanksgiving, not the kid’s table, because the stories adults told were more interesting. I would sit at the end of the adult table, quietly, watching wide-eyed at the reactions and interactions of each person. I noticed who spoke more and who didn’t. At some point the adults forgot I was there. Their discussion and stories contained lots of things that I now know as life lessons: respect for others especially elders, kindness, hard work, the importance family connections, the importance of faith, celebration of success, and encouragement in stumbling and searching. I noticed, no matter what the story, what the outcome, who agreed or disagreed, everyone left the table closer, the hugs were longer, and the goodbyes harder.

Listening to the stories of my family at such a young age, is probably one reason why the majority of my career has been w/elders in one form or another, and w/those closer to the end of their lives than the beginning. I love to learn about people through the stories they tell. And as I have aged myself, told and learned from my own stories, I continue to work on holding my stories lightly and gently, and questioning how I allow my stories to define me, and how that definition muddles the Truth of who I am. I also question how other people’ stories influence how I see and define them, and obscure the Truth of who they are.

In my work as a hospice Chaplain, I have the privilege to companion people who experience the dissolving of the realities they have known, many, for decades. Realities that are woven through their stories. Stories of their youth, their occupation, their families, their joys and sorrows, their learnings and their journey toward the end of their life. Telling their stories helps them explore what is important and meaningful in their lives, and their stories help me get to know them….a little. Their stories, while important are not “them” at their essence. They do not define them. They are not the Truth of who they are.~ ~ ~A woman sits w/her friend whose cancer has metastasized to many parts of his body, including his brain. He can no longer play Chopin with the ease and joy, as he once did. He forgets her name, often cannot feed himself, and because he never married and has no other family, is alone and living in an adult family home cared for by kind people, but strangers. However, these strangers, not knowing him as his friend does, care for him with great love and compassion. They may not know his stories, but they see and embrace this beautiful soul as he truly is, the one who is Love, and brings others joy with his smiles, jokes and love of chocolate.

A man watches his wife of over 50 years fade away due to dementia. He struggles to visit her everyday b/c of the pain he feels when she does not recognize him. She often cannot speak, and when she does it’s usually a kind of word salad. One visit, I sat w/him at the end of the hallway, his wife asleep in her room. He was tearfully telling me the stories of their life together, gardening, cooking, and traveling – the way they would dance in the kitchen, and the ways he made her smile. “But all that is gone.” He said. I said, “It’s so hard to watch the love of your life fade away.” He nodded, trying to hide his tears. Then I said, “Dementia is such a mean disease. It takes away the people we used to know, before they are really gone.” Then before I even knew what I would say next, I said, “Dementia ravages the brain, but not the heart…..she still knows who you are from here….and she is there… in here” (putting my hand on my heart). He paused then smiled, and again through tears said, “There was one time when we were sitting on the couch she suddenly turned to me and said ‘I love you so much.’”~ ~ ~Working with dying and death every day, I witness the stripping away of what is extraneous, revealing the Truth. The letting go of what was once important – stuff, looks, body, occupations – to reveal and embrace Love, Forgiveness, Joy, Connection, and the Oneness of the Divine in, around and AS all of us.

Our stories…..what we have experienced…..all that has brought us to this moment….all of it isimportant…..However, just as I am not my body….I have a body. And I am not my stuff….I have stuff….. I am not my stories…..I have stories…… You are not your stories…..you have stories.

When I believe I am my story I risk believing I am as less than… unworthy…..unlovable: Because of what I say or don’t sayBecause of what I do or don’t doBecause of what I have or don’t haveWhen I believe I am my story I risk believing I am as less than… unworthy…..unlovable: because I am singlebecause of my pastbecause I am not a memberbecause I am an immigrantbecause I was told I am less thanbecause I am not like you, or everyone else

Conversely, when I believe I am my story I also risk believing I am better than…. entitled….:Because of what I say or don’t sayBecause of what I do or don’t doBecause of what I have or don’t haveWhen I believe I am my story I also risk believing I am better than…. entitled….:because I am a parentbecause I have a jobbecause I am retiredbecause I volunteerbecause of my pastbecause I was born in the USbecause I am Christianbecause I was told I am specialbecause I am not like you, or everyone else

When I believe I am my story, I risk obscuring the Truth that I am whole, I am the fullness of Love, pure Divine consciousness, capable of endless possibilities of being that Divinity and expressing pure Love, Light towards myself and others. I risk obscuring the fullness of the Truth of Connection and Oneness.

When I believe YOU are your story, or what others tell me is your story, I risk judging you and assume I know you, and treating you based on those assumptions and judgments. I risk treating you as other….as separate. We have seen and experienced this all too often….and sadly very recently.

Most importantly when I believe YOU are your story, or what others tell me is your story, I risk obscuring the Truth that you are whole….that you are the fullness of Love…..pure Divine consciousness….capable of endless possibilities of being that Divinity and expressing pure Love, Light towards yourself and others. I risk obscuring the fullness of the Truth of Connection and Oneness.

Charles Fillmore wrote, “That which we pronounce truth from the plane of appearances is relative only. The relative truth is constantly changing, but the absolute Truth endures; and what is true today, always was and always will be true.”

Whether they are my stories or your stories, they are always relative truths. Essential for the purposes of learning, growing, sharing and developing connections. They are not the Absolute Truth of who we are.

The absolute Truths are behind, beyond and transcend the relative truth of our stories. These Absolute Truths are captured in the moments when I understand that the pain of the stories of my own past can deepened compassion and love for myself as a person Sacred and scarred, but not defined by my scars.

These Absolute Truths are experienced when my blind spots are exposed, and I can then connect my own heart deeper to the Divinity in myself, seeing myself and the world with clearer eyes.

These Absolute Truths are revealed when I recognize the assumptions I made about another are false, and I experience more expansively the depth of beauty and Love they are and that they are truly connected to me in ways I didn’t even understand before.

We can no longer afford defining ourselves and each other by our stories. We need to see the stories (ours and others) as what they are, relative truths, not absolute Truths.

We can no longer afford to miss opportunities for authentic engagement, deep acceptance and connection.

It is vital….and our lives…the lives of all of us now and in the future depend on us awakening to the Truth of the capacity of Love we are….the Love we must give and receive and ….believe in the fullness of the Truth of Connection and Oneness

We need to live in ways that embody Thich Nhat Hanh’s wisdom that:“We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness.”

What are the stories you tell yourself? How do these stories limit your connection to the Truth of your pure Divine Love, unlimited possibilities to give and receive Love, and the Truth of Oneness?

How are the stories we hear from and about others limiting our connection to the Truth of each being’s pure Divine Love, their unlimited possibilities to give and receive Love, and the Truth of Oneness?