Four-Letter Words

Is there anything wrong with swearing?

Danny finally sank into bed at 2 AM. He was exhausted from a hard day mowing lawns in the merciless sun, dinner and bedtime rituals with his three little ones, topped off with hours in front of a computer doing online courses. Just as he was drifting off into a blissful sleep, he remembered, "I left the cell phone on the counter and need it charged for tomorrow."

Stumbling through the dark house to the kitchen, he slammed his toe into the foot of a chair someone had carelessly left in middle of the hallway. A searing arc of pain shot from his foot to his brain, exploding somewhere above his left eye.

The pain was excruciating, but he remembered the advice of the good doctor. "#%@^!" He began to swear repeatedly, feeling the pain drain away. He got caught up in the cathartic exercise and continued a little bit louder. By now the pain had almost subsided, but suddenly he heard a voice behind him. "Daddy why are you saying bathroom words?"

How was he supposed to explain to his seven-year-old daughter that it was actually medicinal? She probably wouldn't understand the logic advocated by Keele University psychologist Richard Stephens who, after intensive research, said, "I would advise people, if they hurt themselves, to swear." She had no idea that dozens of prestigious newspapers and journals positively bubbled about the brilliance of this landmark study. TIME, the Scientific American, Reuters, Science News, US News and World Report -- the therapeutic benefits of swearing was practically a worldwide consensus.

Swearing out loud enabled them to keep their hands in the freezing water for 40 seconds longer, and experience less pain, fear, and anxiety.

The study involved a group of college students who put their hands in ice water to see how they tolerated the pain. When they were allowed to shout out their favorite swearword, they were able to keep their hands in the freezing water for 40 seconds longer, and reported experiencing less pain, fear, and anxiety than when they did the identical experiment without swearing. Interestingly, women had a more favorable response to swearing than men, which the researchers explained was based on the fact that men curse more than women, reducing some of its curative powers.

Based on this idea, Harvard psychologist Steven Pinker said, "That's one of the reasons that I think people shouldn't overuse profanity. It's not because I'm a prude, but because it blunts swearwords of their power when you do need them. You should save them for just the right occasions."

The ice-water study is based on the presupposition that there is nothing morally wrong or harmful with swearing. I'm sure we could do studies to show that people who smash crystal vases against the wall or slap someone across the face feel less pain when putting their hands in ice-water. We don't because we all know they're harmful.

Is there anything wrong with swearing?

In Jewish thought, words are not just words; they are our very essence. When the Torah describes God blowing a neshama, a soul, into man, Onkelos, the Torah’s primary translator, reads, "And He blew into him a speaking spirit." Our speech is our soul, the gift that separates us from the animal. It is through speech that we can express our Godly image inside of us.

Speech can elevate us to the divine, or bring us down to the profane.

But the higher something can take you, the lower it can drag you. Speech can elevate us to the divine, or bring us down to the profane, lower than the animal that never profanes itself. (There's a good reason swearing is called profanity.) When a person mouths swearwords, he is using powerful words, as seen by the pain relieving effects they have, but do they belong with the myriad other things that feel good, but are bad for you? Are they words that elevate us or deprecate us?

Potty words for kids remain potty words for adults. They still have the same dirty connotations, coarse insinuations, and base message. When a person swears, they are lowering themselves through abusing and sullying the greatest gift we have, our neshama, our speech.

In Hebrew the word for mouth is 'peh.' This is almost identically to the word for 'here,' 'poh,' which is spelled the same, but with different vowels. If you want to know where someone is, all you need to do is watch what comes out of his mouth. Rabbi Moshe Shapiro, a great sage living in Jerusalem, points out that the lips are the only part of the body in which the inner skin actually turns outwards; it is through that portal that you can tell what someone's inside looks like.

Anger Management

Secondly, Judaism has a very different approach to dealing with pain or anger. The Talmud tells us, "He who rends his garments in his anger, he who breaks his vessels in his anger, and he who scatters his money in his anger -- regard him as an idol-worshipper" (Shabbos, 105b). The Sages explain that when we act in a negative way in response to anger, we are listening to the destructive pole of our psyche, instead of ignoring it. Each time we listen to it, it gets a bit more powerful, until he can get us to do things we never dreamt of doing, such as idol worship (interestingly, people who swear often say "God damn," which may not be idol-worship but is pretty close to it).

The healthier way to deal with pain and anger is to learn to control ourselves, and learn to soothe ourselves in a way that we would not be embarrassed to do in front of our seven-year-old. Instead of swearing when stubbing a toe, a person can exchange a string of epithets with a repeated declaration of “I’m stronger than that,” and focus on his strength in controlling himself instead of on the pain. Breathing slowly and deeply, and focused thinking/meditation techniques also help one focus away from pain.

A student of Rabbi Moshe Feinstein, one of the greatest leaders of 20th century American Jewry, inadvertently slammed the car door on his hand. Reb Moshe didn't utter a sound so that the boy wouldn't realize what he had done, which would have surely mortified and traumatized him.

Somehow, that type of response to pain seems to be much further along the evolutionary line than someone screaming out a stream of four-letter words.

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About the Author

Leiby Burnham, CSW, is a rabbi, psychotherapist, and writer. He lives in Detroit with his wife, an ICU nurse, who is on strict orders to "leave her patients at work" and their three daughters, Orah, Shifra and Rachel. Rabbi Burnham works for the Jean and Theodore Weiss Partners in Torah program of Yeshiva Beth Yehudah, where he does community outreach, and runs a Jewish educational programs at University of Michigan, Wayne State, and Oakland University. He taught learning-disabled high school students for eight years in NYC, while receiving Rabbinical training at Shor Yoshuv Institute, and obtaining his Masters in Social Work from Yeshiva University.

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 32

(29)
hanna,
July 5, 2016 4:59 AM

Did you see the study about the power of words?

The one we most affect with the words we speak is ourselves. Have you seen the study that a professor did? He took three cups of water and spoke differently to each one. Then he froze them and examined the ice crystals under a microscope. The cup where he used those expletives and negative language looked really bad and damaging. Our body is made up of 75% water. Whatever we say has an affect on us. Science has proven it.... watch your words!

(28)
Scott,
July 4, 2016 5:45 AM

Is it the words that are the problem?

When I visit Texas I get my drawl back. It's how l learned to speak but I lost it when I moved away and started talking like the people around me.

Same thing with cursing but in reverse. Nobody in my family curses....well not very often and when I'm.in my parents house I don't very often and get in trouble when I do.

I learned to curse from the culture which I exposed myself to. When I'm around certian people I cusre like a drunken sailor. If I choose to watch the sopranos for a while after I use the f-bomb like it's necessary for me to breathe.

So my wife asked me not to watch it while my daughter was around. Just in case.

Which made me think...why would I ever be anywhere or around anyone or behave in any way I couldnt be in front of my daughter. Do I want her to restrict her upright behavior to a ten meter zone around me?

The problem isnt the cursing. They're just words.

The problem is being in places with people or programs that don't share our best values who influence us to do things like curse. We choose to be there and well that's the problem.

I can sit with the men at my shul and never hear those words.

We're not born knowing these words. We learn them. Perhaps we should endeavor to avoid the places that teach them.

(27)
Viktor Roth,
July 1, 2016 11:01 PM

No as a rule swearing is negative reinforcement.

It may be useful under certain circumstances like those spoken of in the article. Otherwise,it is a distraction, demeaning, juvenile and vulgar. It does not contribute anything but shock value which is no value at all. I tend to tune it out as well as those who use it. Chris Rock is funny but I'd rather be entertained by Jerry Seinfeld.

(26)
Nancy,
June 30, 2016 7:49 PM

But four letter words ARE considered to be profane.

That is just reality. Maybe just yelling, as someone suggested would be a better alternative.

(25)
ABG,
June 30, 2016 4:53 PM

Swear like W. C. Fields?

In the short W. C. Fields film comedies, he swears when hurt, but uses expressions like Godfrey Daniel to get past the censor and get a laugh. Is that okay?

(24)
Andrew Stiller,
June 30, 2016 1:59 PM

Food for Thought

I must admit that I am guilty of using "off color" language from time to time. While it may be cathartic, I am also reminded that swearing is the lazy man's way of being emphatic. I have learned over time that instead of launching into a four-letter expletive, it is just as cathartic for me to step back from the situation, take a deep breath, and reflect on my feelings before launching into language I might later regret.

(23)
Adina,
June 16, 2011 10:44 PM

Express Gratitude, Don't Swear

If you stub your toe or something else similar, you should say Baruch Hashem--Thank G-d!
According to Rabbi Avrohom Chaim Feuer: "The Talmud cites numerous examples of minor discomforts which may serve as Divine retribution. They include: commissioning a tailor to sew a suit and disliking it, asking for a hot drink and being served a cold one, and reaching into one's pocket to take out three coins but coming up with two. The Talmud concludes:
If a person goes through forty days without experiencing any pain or slight discomfort he should be concerned, lest he receive all his reward and pleasure in This World and suffering awaits him in the future. Even these apparent trivial discomforts are meaningful. They are indeed God's bittersweet gifts."--A Letter for the Ages

Anonymous,
July 1, 2016 6:40 AM

I have had agonising stubbed toes, including broken ones. Nobody would say Thank G-d for agony like that. I once dropped a china bowl and it hit my ankle with such force that it broke-and cracked a bone. I almost fainted with the pain, I remember hanging onto a chair feeling sick as the room came and went and repeating the f-word over and over, The pain was unbelievable, nothing to be thankful for-perhaps in theory, but I can't imagine being thankful for such agony. It's surely not human nature !

(22)
Jules E Beuck,
June 16, 2011 5:27 PM

I do not agree

Profanity in and of itself has no power but what we give it. Profane epitaphs are some of the most fun to pronounce due to the hard consonants, K for example, that are associated with them. I consider myself a decent person but I also prefer to use profanity. I do not use it around children as I believe it is their responsibility to learn the words from their friends as I did in my youth and I use them judiciously such as not using them at work because of the negative feelings of others concerning the words. However, I believe there is no harm in using them and it brings me pleasure without damaging anyone else.

(21)
Bryan,
June 16, 2011 1:38 PM

Mishlei 18:21

Mishlei 18:21
Death and life are in the power of the tongue; and they that indulge it shall eat the fruit thereof.

(20)
David,
June 16, 2011 10:38 AM

Vulgarity is in the mind of the beholder

I find it fascinating that in the article itself and in all of the comments so far, no one has made the effort to define what a swear word actually is. Most swear words have commonly accepted meanings (though a few are so generic and used in so many ways that they seem to have lost all meaning), but it is not the meaning of the words that we find offensive since there are polite alternatives for all of them. Rather, these words themselves have assumed a connotation that we believe should not be included in civil discourse. Some of these words probably did not possess this connotation at their inception, but they have acquired it over time. Other words are considered offensive in some English speaking countries while they are innocuous in different locales.
The obvious conclusion is that “polite” society has arbitrarily defined some words as offensive, and it regards the employers of these words as somehow more vulgar than itself. Once upon a time, the uncouth practitioners of loutish language mostly came from lower socio-economic classes, but today’s egalitarianism and mass media has brought it into contact with us all. Some of us use to foul words to shock, others to express strong emotion, and a few just don’t understand the weight that these words carry. The real offense in using offensive language is the distress it causes others. If this concerns you, mind your mouth. If you wish to cause discomfort to others, consider your motivation.

Dora,
June 30, 2016 3:26 PM

Excellent comment

Really liked your comment. Even every day words, if said in anger, can sound like swearing so connotation IS very important.

(19)
Moshe,
August 27, 2009 12:16 PM

well written...

I for the most part must agree with this article and would in fact add that most of the times that people swear, the words don't even make sense in regards to what is taking place. A part of me wonders whether this is comparable to when a parrot speaks. One might say that HaShem gave parrots the power of speech, but in truth, it's merely a power to say words, not to understand and use them. When a human stoops to the level of not only using profanity, but using it in a way that doesn't even make sense, it is all the easier to understand how that individual is lowering his or herself to an animalistic level.
On a related note of understanding words, I must disagree with the article's statement of: "people who swear often say "God damn," which may not be idol-worship but is pretty close to it."
I do not understand how this expression even related to idol worship, when the words merely mean that G-d SHOULD damn whatever it is that the speaker is referencing. (Not that this makes it any nicer to say!) The expression is not one (G' forbid) "damning" G-d! In fact, some people find it better to replace this expression with the word "Gosh" which alone connotes something far worse, as its origin is a shortened version of "G' should be in ashes."
Words have powerful effects and meanings and it would do us all well to understand what we say, and only speak in gentle, loving, and respectable ways!

(18)
Annie,
August 26, 2009 1:29 AM

Sometimes it's all right.

I will freely confess to saying an odd swearword when I shut my fingers in a door or (as happened yesterday) deleting something on the computer only to bring it back 2 minutes lalter when I did an update-after installing & accidentally deleting two other things three times !
I feel that it's better to say the word & get it out of your sytem sometimes ! But I wonder what people who swear all the time say when THEY shut their hand in the garage door ???

(17)
J. Postner,
August 25, 2009 11:06 PM

The academic/ mental health community bias

I seem to notice a certain bias in the academic/ mental health community toward giving foul language a break. In grad school I had a number of college professors who swore frequently in class, something that really bothered me. In addition, I notice that a lot of mental health professionals also look the other way, often claiming like someone below that it can be stress relieving. Swearing being stress relieving plus pent up stress being bad for you, does not equal a carte blance every time you feel stress. People go to mental health professionals because they are looking for health avenues to relieve stress, not to simply be told: do whatever makes you feel good!

(16)
Teacher,
August 25, 2009 8:23 PM

reply to ms. housman

A.nger that expresses itself in cussing generally leads to more anger. Just like people who use cigarettes to relieve stress create new problems- namely that the initial stress is still present and now they are destroying their lungs, too. Alternatively cussing to relieve stress can be likened to attempting to extinguish a fire with gasoline. Better to write, say Tehillim, hit a punching bag. I find that cussing only creates more stress- and gets other people angry, too. I certainly see that with my 9th graders. Those that express themselves by means other than cussing generally get better results.

(15)
malka,
August 25, 2009 12:01 AM

how about "OUch!"

how about ouch

Dvirah,
July 1, 2016 11:53 AM

Agree

The relief in swearing is not so much in the words themselves as in the way they are expressed, hence the term "expletives." So if you must relieve yourself, a good "ouch" is better than any swear-word.

(14)
ruth housman,
August 24, 2009 5:49 PM

Swearing

I worked with people who suffered from strokes and I can say, based on observations of language, that swearing is a deeply embedded form of getting out feeling, and that those people who had lost so much intentional speech, still had the ability to swear.
I think the emotions and the coding of emotions through language goes very deep, in terms of brain function and that maybe swearing, in the service of sometimes "letting off steam" is not so bad. It's how the words are used, when and where, and if they are targeting someone within earshot.

(13)
ruth housman,
August 24, 2009 5:46 PM

the fire inside: anger

How interesting to read this now, having just serendipitously met a new friend at the Post Office and having spent time with her in her lovely house. We talked, as psychotherapists, about the healing power of expressing anger as opposed to keeping it simmering inside and we were talking about people with legitimate need to express this and yet, they contain themselves and it does make them even sicker.
We know that anger turned inwards leads to depression and that there is a truly valid and therapeutic use for anger as a form of letting go.
So I would say, anger that is directed towards destructive use is not good, but anger that is needing to get out, should be allowed to exit, in non harmful ways. Anger is a legitimate human emotion for a lot of ills and abuse of anger is wrong, but use of anger, constructively and to heal the self, well that's another story.

(12)
ST,
August 24, 2009 3:59 PM

GIve me a break!

Has no one heard of the phrase "Gam zu l'tova??" Translated as "this too is for the best," it implies a deepseated faith that the painful event was not random nor meaningless, but rather was sent by the Allmerciful, Allmighty G-d FOR OUR BENEFIT! Meditating on that is much more comforting and will improve your moral charactor, etc. It is also guaranteed to provide pain relief!

(11)
Anonymous,
August 24, 2009 1:59 PM

Expand your vocabulary

when people curse in casual conversation they are limiting themselves. they are hindering the expansion of their vocabulary and the way they express them selves.

(10)
Teacher,
August 23, 2009 11:01 PM

Let the speaker beware

I remember as a 10th grader one of my teachers ( a Jew- and proudly so) told me that my swearing made me sound low class and unintelligent. When he would hear people cussing he would tell them, "Improve your vocabulary". His message stuck with me, and then I cussed far less frequently.
As both a ba'al teshuva and a teacher in an urban high school- I see the importance of clean language even more profoundly. I tell my students that just I have no tolerance for profanity in the classroom, they will never hear it out of my mouth in the teachers' lounge or anywhere else-and I mean it..
Furthermore, because I wear my kippa in class, there exists an additional responsibility on me to provide the best example of a Torah Jew that I can. I tell my 9th graders that the same mouth I use to pray 3X daily and kiss my precious daughters- cannot be fouled with improper speech. When my students see that I am serious, they are often shocked but genuinely respect me for being consistent.
Our words are more powerful than we realize.Think of 3 words that have brought death to untold numbers of people- "READY, AIM, FIRE" 2 words that bring joy and consolation-"Thank YOU".

(9)
drbill,
August 23, 2009 8:01 PM

swearing alternative

There is a reason that swearing works wonders when one stubs their toe, etc. It provides a focus of distraction, but at a cost to oneself. The degradation of oneself through swearing, focuses some anger at oneself at the expense of slowly expiating the pain through distraction.
In due respect to the stoic rabbis, there is an alternative:
Anyone can assign faux swear words. Doh! Gak! Jit! Rack krakow! Whatever one chooses. There are endless "expletive" choices. All accomplish the desired
distraction and relief, without the expense to the self or the stoicism that is not at the heart of Judaism.

(8)
Manasseh,
August 23, 2009 7:29 PM

I Thought Pain Is International

Some of these 21st century psychologies and philosophies are becoming so childish, they insult human intelligence
Pain is an international occurence and there is not one single word or style that we can say should work above all else
The question these funny psychs should answer is; ' in what languages are this swear words most effective', English, Hebrew, chinese , swahili or french?!!
I dont think there is something that belittles a person or uplifts him/her than the words of his/her mouth
A hilarious friend mine used to say. 'Dont swear arround me and I wont spit tobacco arround you'. lol.

(7)
Dr. Michael Zidonov,
August 23, 2009 4:24 PM

ANONYMOUS IS OVERTLY WRONG

A collection of Sounds will NOT perform the same function as Blue Epithets, as those sounds do NOT have the same effect on the Human Psyche that profanity does ...

(6)
yossi netz,
August 23, 2009 2:57 PM

I can deal with pain in either way. either way's good.

I regard all 4 letter words equally. they are part of the dictionary and also part of my vocabulary. how ever, I do calm myself breathing in a controlled manner, not only in pain. also, as I've been practicing karate for years, I make myself deal with pain by just ignoring it. Do I ever swear? Hell yes!

(5)
J. Postner,
August 23, 2009 2:55 PM

Why do you feel the need to be A.nonymous?

If you really believe that swearing is so OK, why are you hiding behind A.nonymous? In addition to that, would you let out a string of swearwords in front of your young daughter or granddaughter? How about if they started swearing? Would you just say "It's a group of sound associated with emotions and if it helps that eight year old, then let her swear to her hearts content! G-d doesn't want people to suffer, right?

(4)
ABeliever,
August 23, 2009 2:47 PM

created in the image of G-d?

to A.Nonymous
you need to read the article again. stooping to profanity in an effort to serve self is sin. As for G-d and suffering, He clearly uses it to draw us to Him in obedience, in spite of suffering. And for those who reject Him, eternal suffering awaits in Hell.

(3)
Prof. Martin Patt,
August 23, 2009 2:24 PM

It makes me stronger

G-d wants us to be a holy people. The repeated declaration "I'm stronger than that" enhances this attribute, mitigates the immediate distress and, over time, helps to make us "stronger than that".

(2)
Anonymous,
August 23, 2009 2:01 PM

collection of sounds

to A, Nonymous: So if it's just a collection of sounds, just keep yelling "Ba Ba Ga Ga!" It should have exactly the same effect, without lowering you as a person.

(1)
A. Nonymous,
August 23, 2009 1:14 PM

Baloney!

I read somewhere once that dirty words were just collections of sounds to which anxious people assign anxious meanings. If saying something "dirty" helps people cope with pain, I say go for it! Does anybody believe that G-d wants us to suffer?

I've been striving to get more into spirituality. But it seems that every time I make some progress, I find myself slipping right back to where I started. I'm getting discouraged and feel like a failure. Can you help?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Spiritual slumps are a natural part of spiritual growth. There is a cycle that people go through when at times they feel closer to God and at times more distant. In the words of the Kabbalists, it is "two steps forward and one step back." So although you feel you are slipping, know that this is a natural process. The main thing is to look at your overall progress (over months or years) and be able to see how far you've come!

This is actually God's ingenious way of motivating us further. The sages compare this to teaching a baby how to walk. When the parent is holding on, the baby shrieks with delight and is under the illusion that he knows how to walk. Yet suddenly, when the parent lets go, the child panics, wobbles and may even fall.

At such times when we feel spiritually "down," that is often because God is letting go, giving us the great gift of independence. In some ways, these are the times when we can actually grow the most. For if we can move ourselves just a little bit forward, we truly acquire a level of sanctity that is ours forever.

Here is a practical tool to help pull you out of the doldrums. The Sefer HaChinuch speaks about a great principle in spiritual growth: "The external awakens the internal." This means that although we may not experience immediate feelings of closeness to God, eventually, by continuing to conduct ourselves in such a manner, this physical behavior will have an impact on our spiritual selves and will help us succeed. (A similar idea is discussed by psychologists who say: "Smile and you will feel happy.")

That is the power of Torah commandments. Even if we may not feel like giving charity or praying at this particular moment, by having a "mitzvah" obligation to do so, we are in a framework to become inspired. At that point we can infuse that act of charity or prayer with all the meaning and lift it can provide. But if we'd wait until being inspired, we might be waiting a very long time.

May the Almighty bless you with the clarity to see your progress, and may you do so with joy.

In 1940, a boatload 1,600 Jewish immigrants fleeing Hitler's ovens was denied entry into the port of Haifa; the British deported them to the island of Mauritius. At the time, the British had acceded to Arab demands and restricted Jewish immigration into Palestine. The urgent plight of European Jewry generated an "illegal" immigration movement, but the British were vigilant in denying entry. Some ships, such as the Struma, sunk and their hundreds of passengers killed.

If you seize too much, you are left with nothing. If you take less, you may retain it (Rosh Hashanah 4b).

Sometimes our appetites are insatiable; more accurately, we act as though they were insatiable. The Midrash states that a person may never be satisfied. "If he has one hundred, he wants two hundred. If he gets two hundred, he wants four hundred" (Koheles Rabbah 1:34). How often have we seen people whose insatiable desire for material wealth resulted in their losing everything, much like the gambler whose constant urge to win results in total loss.

People's bodies are finite, and their actual needs are limited. The endless pursuit for more wealth than they can use is nothing more than an elusive belief that they can live forever (Psalms 49:10).

The one part of us which is indeed infinite is our neshamah (soul), which, being of Divine origin, can crave and achieve infinity and eternity, and such craving is characteristic of spiritual growth.

How strange that we tend to give the body much more than it can possibly handle, and the neshamah so much less than it needs!