On Saturday morning, I woke up at 6am, around 6 hours earlier than a typical Saturday, and sprang out of bed. This wasn’t a typical Saturday, you see – on this particular morning, I was going to Kuldīga, the most beautiful town in all of Latvia…

By 7.45, I was at the bus station, working my way to the front of the queue to buy a ticket. The woman at the ticket counter smiled at me. It suddenly occurred to me that I was still sleeping and that this was all just a dream. I pinched myself hard but she was still there and still smiling. Weird. I managed to mumble that I wanted a return ticket to Kuldīga. ‘No return tickets’ she chirped, ‘only one-way’. Ominous, but left with little choice, I bought a ticket and headed for the bus.

At 8.10, I boarded – along with the camping crusties, culchies and wrinklies – and tried to build up the mental fortitude necessary for 3.5 hours of looking at trees. But it turned out that this route would prove to be a revelation. Well, after a 10-minute stop in Tukums.

Beautiful

Of course, there were trees. There are always trees. But this time, there were gaps between the trees – fields of crops and wildflowers, lakes and rivers, cute cottages and even little towns. It actually reminded me a bit of rural Ireland, with fewer cows (I counted four) and fewer rocks (zero). Spot the difference.

Latvia

Ireland

The odd Latvian I spied along the way was always engaged in some sort of tree-related activity. Cutting, chopping, moving a pile of logs, making a big pile of logs from smaller piles of logs, making small piles of logs from bigger piles of logs… Fascinating viewing indeed.

Latvians like logs

Speaking of trees, I’ve come up with an idea for a horror movie, based in Latvia. The trees, tired of Latvians disturbing their peace by tramping around the forest 24/7, come to life and hatch a plan to wipe out the pesky intruders. The only person who can save the day is a 6-toed Latvian… Will they find one in time, and save themselves from almost certain doom?

Anyway, I digress. At 11.40 exactly, we arrived in Kuldīga. It was a warm sunny morning, despite a wind that had the instant effect of making me look like one of those trolls you stick on top of your pencil. The bus station is almost a kilometre outside the centre so I started walking, trying to look a little bit ‘country’, you know, to fit in. The walk in was pretty standard. A few shops, a few run-down houses, a few yoofs cat calling out their car windows. However, I got a surprise as I turned into Town Hall Square. I felt like I’d walked onto the set of a Western. The whole town looked like something lifted from a John Wayne movie.

I even spotted a man in a cowboy hat walking along. This was great! Joy aside though, I was starving so I located the salooniest-looking restaurant I could find. This place seemed to fit the bill.

Stenders Bar and Cafe

I knew I’d made the right choice when I walked in. Country music blared from the radio and the bar stools were basically wooden saddles sprouting from the front of the bar. As I moved it, my heavy wooden chair scraped over the uneven wooden floor, and I had to resist the temptation to pop a toothpick in my mouth and say ‘Howdy lil lady’ when the waitress came over.

Of course, any pretence at being local was blown when I said that, along with my pancakes, I wanted black tea with milk. ‘With milk??’ she echoed. ‘Yeah, I’m Irish’, I said in my best Latvian. She actually giggled. When the bill came (a whopping 2.90 lats for two ham and cheese pancakes, and tea), I left a bigger tip than usual. I don’t know if she was laughing at my bad Latvian or my bad joke but that was irrelevant. A laughing Latvian waitress is something to be cherished. This was truly a red letter day. Maybe people in the smaller towns really are friendlier?

But then, the Kuldīgans have reason to laugh. They have achieved two ‘the somethingests’. It’s rare for anywhere in Latvia to have one ‘the somethingest’, let alone two, but Kuldīga has managed to bag both the prettiest town in Latvia and the widest waterfall in Europe. Maybe that’s why people here have a little extra pep in their step?

I left Stenders and took a mosey down Liepajas Street, checking out some of the wooden houses Kuldīga is famous for along the way.

The oldest wooden house in Kuldīga

My walk took me to the other main square, supposedly the place where the first potato in Latvia was ever traded. This square was pretty unremarkable though, having been modernised, so instead of a photo of banks, I give you another Latvian potato joke:

Latvian girl is say, “I want go America one day.”Father say, “I send you America.”Daughter is thank father. Make tears of happy. Father use for salty potato.

Father think moment, say, “Daughter, I no send you America.”

Potato needs more salt.

Still to come – the wedding party, the waterfall and the local talent. Don’t miss part two!

45 Responses to Digging Kuldīga (part one)

So I found this article while researching horror films of Eastern European countries. I’ve discovered “Hybrid Vigor,” the crowd-sourced indie film, but not much else outside of short films. Do you know of any Latvian horror films I should know about? Or Estonian, Lithuanian, etc. for that matter? Thanks!

Why should that be a surprise at all? Every year in another town (Bauska) an actual American country music festival takes place – everyone’s dressed in cowboy gear and flaunting American flags. And in Liepaja (the very West Coast of LV) eccentric hotel/restaurant owner Loui Fontaine is treating the town as its Sheriff (he was in the board of the City Council for a while). He often invites American bands over quite often, has fast food, burger bars, sings in a blues band and makes music videos driving in a mustang etc. In Liepaja rock music, also blues, jazz, heavy metal a.o. styles are especially popular and there is no lack of musicians. Americanisation started in early 1990s 🙂

I’ll have to return the favour eulogy-wise! Are things really that bad?! Don’t you have any cake?
And yes, for my students. 2 progress tests and an end-of-course exam to write. Serves me right for going gallivanting yesterday but it was worth it! 😉

That’s all there is to say about them, but now and try to string that out into 600+ words. Therein lies the problem.
I have the noisiest neighbours I’ve ever had anywhere living upstairs. I’ve only complained twice in a year and a half. The last time a couple of weeks ago when the kids took up indoor rope skipping.

Dear Jesus! A 63-page guide on why not to visit Latvia but if you HAVE to, how to bang Latvian women! This guy has some serious time on his hands!! And he’s willing to share his expertise for only $6.99 – what a guy!

About that Don’t Bang Latvia. Once one of those walking mistakes of Nature who has taken a body of an American man wrote a guide on sex tourism in LV (I assume Riga) and concluded – the most UNF***able pace after Denmark. Most nice girls were in relationships and he hated to see them smiling and happy. The other type were women with no chance, after 35-40 with a kid or two (America’s full of that type) who might say yes and the third type were scammers – a type one can find anywhere on the planet and will not want to have anything to do with.
I really bursted out in laughter when he wrote that average Latvian girl is rather chubby, dark-haired with short fat fingers. LoooL (I totally agree that with the mixed blood Latvians have, one can find ANY type and average Latvian woman will look very average).

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sailaway from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” ~ Mark Twain