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Several times a month, I will be in a store aisle reaching for something and feel a hand going up the inside of my thigh. When I turn around to find myself alone with a woman, and ask her if she would prefer me to hold still so she can get a better feel for the situation, oftentimes she will act "shocked" claiming nothing had happened, it must be somebody else...

Topics - Mangrove

I'm talking to your pharmacies. Like the one I went into today that sold cigarettes. That's right. They'll sell you medicines and other products for your health & wellbeing.....and cigarettes.*

And what did I spy attached to the till? Yes, that's right. A notice asking your customers to join their fight in preventing kids from taking up smoking.Make up your fucking mind. If you can't figure out something as simple as this, then you're not ready to tackle the thorny Evolution topic.

Love & kisses,

Mangrove.

* SSOOKN does not care if you smoke or not. However we do like to complain about duplicity and make ironic comments.

[Mangrove is at his local convenience store and meets another resident]

Mang: [hesitantly] Happy Holidays?

n00b2: WTF??? HAPPY WHAT!?? I'm so sick of you liberal, nigger & jew loving, dope smoking faggots undermining our good, Christian, American way of life!!! [whacks Mang on the nose] CHRISTMAS IS STILL ABOUT CHRIST YOU FUCKER!!!

No, in fact, this letter is to one American in particular. That's right, I'm talking to YUO Mr J Rodriguez of Connecticut.

Lemme get this straight. You were:

Awaiting a court appearance on a number of minor felonies and what did you do? That's right, you called the court house with a BOMB THREAT and now you are convicted of Terrorism(tm) because you thought that would get you out of a trial. Like...Duh......

As you know, when I am not tending bar, snoozing in my office or talking the scrid out for a walk, I like to twist words, numbers and my brain into interesting new shapes for fun and enlightenment.

As some of you are aware (being the scholars that you are), that in Crowley's Liber AL, it is written that a kabbalah should be formed around the English alphabet. Different Thelemic groups have come up with their own answers as to what these attributions might be. As a laugh, I adopted the system as expounded by the Hermetic Order Of the QBLH and chewed up a few forum related words to see what I could see. Their system of Gematria is as follows:

(Gematria: The process by which each letter of a word or words, is converted to its numerical equivalent. Worlds yielding the same value are connected by their common numerical vibration and [on one plane or another] descriptive of each other.)

In this system, the word MANG' equals to 47. Nothing interesting about that. But the letters, S.S.O.O.K.N also = 47! The fun part is knowing that TROLL is also a 47. I always considered myself to be rubbish at trolling. Does this mean I am one? Should I become one? Who cares?

By using theosophical reduction (ie: adding the numbers together..) we can try 4 + 7 = 11. Now 11 is an important to Thelemites as a symbol of the great work, but it is an important Discordian number as I'll demonstrate later. As a side point, the word WILL, another Crowley classic is 11 in this system. 11 is sacred to Nigel Tufnell and to the English who like to drink tea at this time.

The name LMNO = 44. You may be pleased to learn that LOVE also is 44. But then so is HORAB and MALAUL! Maybe you're all in love? With each other? Or maybe that love is your true nature or that by demonstrating love in whatever way means "we're all HORAB"? Whatever! (though this might account for some of the flirting. Note also 44 is a multiple of 11.)

No analysis would be complete without a BAR (33). Ironically, our friend the scrid was playing JAZZ (33). Those of us that like carbs are, of course, members of the C.L.F. (33). The masons have 33 degrees (shhhh!). IF you're a musician you'll appreciate 33...and a 1/3. (spelled third but pronounced 'turd' if you're from southern Ireland).

The I began contemplating JAZZ. The development of 33 1/3 and the rise of the long player was a key moment in the history of JAZZ. An evolutionary flashpoint enabling the great improvisers of yesteryear to stretch out into previously unknown, unheard and un-thought of territories. Consider the enormity of the leap from early Louis Armstrong to A Love (44) Supreme!

I pursued with the JAZZ angle further as it provided the most fitting metaphor for the forum. Probably any forum in fact, but especially ours.

Like the JAZZ musician there is a theme, or for us, a thread. Everyone collectively improvises upon that thread, expressing their individuality within a group structure. No one knows where it will lead. Sometimes a threadjack is the best thing that can happen - kind of like the way Thelonious Monk would play standards, leaving odd, spikey chords hanging in the wrong places, but still sounding cool somehow.

The board is not unlike the early 1940's in New York, where all the young musicians caught in the soul numbing formula of the swing orchestra would gather together, hang, blow off steam and sometimes get combative on the bandstand. Anyone was welcome to sit in, but that did not necessarily guarantee that one could win the audience and survive.

Like JAZZ, there's a fine line between pushing the envelope and grandstanding. A fine line between artful meandering and going up one's ass. It doesn't always work, but when it works well it is something remarkable.

But these are but the outer mysteries. There is more....but it is shocking

Then there's ERIS. A 65 in this system. But if anyone gets this assbackwards, then they're a NOOB. (56). Sometimes, people who think they're GREAT (56) act like a NOOB. Coincidence? Yes! But what does it mean and how did it happen? And of course, 6 + 5 = 11 which is why 11 could be a secret Erisian number (but only if you want it to be).

CHEF D is a 66 but so is PIZZA, which suggests that Turd & Roger had some weird connection. Turd aka , JUSTIN gives us a 99. Again, multiples of the (maybe) sacred 11. Perhaps CHEF D got fat eating too much of JUSTIN's pizza? Mysterious enough for you? Of course not! There's more....

There is however, a mystery which will kick those goatbutt kissing, infidel slaying, head worshipping Knights Templar into touch.

Not long ago, I heard a word in my dream. That word was SCRID. I didn't know what it was so I posted it on the forum and received a number of wonderfully insightful replies. It transpired that LMNO's definitions were my favourite, hence the use of 'SCRID' as a figment of OB's ongoing quantum hallucinations. Then the one we knew as TURD said that 'scrids' were those sad, ineffectual, leftover cannabis crumbs. Once again, kabbalistic coincidence reveals all:

SCRID = 59!

TURD = 59!

We cannot stop here! We must go further! Only now can I reveal the unbelievable truth. It begins........

D I S C O R D I A

Then look closely.....

D I S C O R D I A

Rearrange.....

S C R I D!

By telling you the following, I must initiate you all into the 22nd innermost degree of S.S.O.O.KN. Ready? The essence of Discordia is SCRID TANTRA. That's right. We have to mate spiritually with the scrid kind. Behold the marriage vow:

A SCRID? I DO!

Shout it out loud! I DO A SCRID!

*DISCLAIMER - The above hermetica-lite is for entertainment purposes only and any resemblance to wisdom, insight or spiritual illumination is entirely unintentional.

Dee: After my fervent prayers made to Eris, for her mercifull cumfort and instruction, I did get some ynkling that I were truely shyt out of lucke. Thus did she pwn and rebuke me with much nawghtynes....

I willed, the Skryer (named Malaul) to loke into my great Chrystaline Globe, yf Eris had sent a signe or no. And Malaul loking into my forsayd stone, for to espie a signe, she saw there one. An apple did appere very bewtifull, glittering like gold. Yt had beams like ster beams, blasing and spreading from it. In letters that seemed all transparent gold: which Malaul was able to presently reade:

S T F U

In the mean space, I, In my Oratory did pray, and make motion to Eris, and her good Creatures for the furdering of this Action.

I sayd: I pray you make these instructions, more playne and evident.

Eris: I have shewed thee perfectly. Behold n00b I teache thee agayne. O how mercifull is Goddess that revealeth so great secrets to a shyt hed of flesh and blud? Thou hast 4 letters: S T F U.

After a tyme, there cam a woman: and flung up an apple and a voyce was hard saying, Fnord. The apple went into the darkness, and brought with it a great white Globe hollow transparent. Then she entered a Bar. The woman seamed to daunce and swyng about the Bar and drunkenly walking, carrying in her hand a little scryd and skiddeth it across the floore. She taketh it in her hand agayne, and casteth it up onto the rownd Globe and sayd:

Fnord.

Eris: Take heade of punishment for your lak of slakness!

Thus did I take leaue of my Oratory and eate of the hott dogge when....arggargghghhhhhh...........

13. What does this mean O my prophet? Fucked if I know,you should have better things to do with your time.

14. Praise me with poems, rants & haiku.(They'll probably be shit, but do it anyway)

15. The random, the quirky, the surprising, the freaky, the horny, the weird, the eccentric - all are ye welcomein my house. But not the n00B! Shun them as ye would shunthe hunch brain. Blarghing random crap a discordian it dostnot make.

16. LDD or ELF - there is no difference. As brothers/sistersjake ye.

17. WTF? Study this holy book of n00b for it contains manymysteries....and some junk (maybe).

18. Post what thou wilt. The word of the Law is FNORD.

19. Avatar and screen names are illusions, but there is thatwhich remains. Quote others and change their letters freely.