Dignity for Daine

Kris Wise MSW, LCSW

You were beautiful. You were brave. I’m sorry your family disowned you. I’m sorry they could not understand that loving you as their child and finding solace in their beliefs is not mutually exclusive. I’m sorry they left you there and refused to claim your body. Their attempt to deny you dignity will not be successful.

We never met, but I imagine you probably had a pretty great laugh. The images I see of you in the media shows you making a peace sign. Peace to you, Daine Grey.

If you are a parent struggling with your personal or religious beliefs because they differ from the scientific evidence related to sexuality or gender identity, please get help. Your child is your child. No parent is without disappointment, disagreement, or foreign to the experience that their child isn’t exactly the way they envisioned they would be. Children will enter careers you don’t like, vote different than you, marry someone you don’t think is good enough, and some of them will be gay or transgender. You can survive it without causing them unrepairable emotional or physical harm. You can even still love them.

If you are someone struggling because of the emotional or physical pain related to how you are being treated, tell someone. There is help, and people that will help you.

The San Francisco community has again proven why they are the “City of Love”. The San Francisco LGBTQ+ community has raised funds to hold a funeral and bury Daine Grey, a 22-year-old student at City College of San Francisco. Reports detail that Daine’s family failed to respond to the San Francisco Coroner and after 10 days the community could claim his body.

Our family of origin has proven to be the most significant of ties. No length of time, intensity of hurt, or abuse can remove the drive for approval, love, and acceptance from those who brought us into this life. Jane Howard said “Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.” Create your tribe, be someone’s family, and know that we all need someone.

Thank you for being you, and for being you perfectly.

You can support Daine at GoFundMe pagehttps://www.gofundme.com/final-dignity-for-daine

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One Reply to “Dignity for Daine”

Wow!!! Several years ago, I was locked out of my house and needed a bathroom and quickly. I knocked on my neighbor’s door. She let me into her batroom and then part f her life. Her son had come out to her, and she was struggling to reconcile her values and beliefs. I just listened and felt a small portion of her pain and struggle and thought, “bless this woman for her struggle and not discounting her son.” Thank you, Kris Wise. Everyone needs their family, their people, their tribe.