Seinfeld Characters, Ranked By How They'd Do As Uber Drivers

Such a great LR, @andersun! Originally I was going to expand this to the secondary characters as well, however without drafts and a likely audience of about 15 listers 😔 I stuck with the core 4. Based on my opinion of how well a ride would go and what I'd rate them in the app, on a scale of 1 to 5 ⭐️.

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Cosmo Kramer

Let's face it - Cosmo never drives, and when he does is primed for distraction; he could want me to share my ride with Bob Sacamano, or swing by Michigan to return bottles for the deposit money, or head to the dump to drop off muffin stumps; most likely to try and talk me into going as far as possible below the "E" and making me mega-late (and mega-pissed). ⭐️

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Elaine Benes

Likely the worst driver of the group due to limited experience; I'd be distracted by her beauty and would likely put my headphones in and look at my phone to avoid periodic eye contact in the rear view mirror; most likely to hit a parked car or pedestrian, and drive away, making me an accessory to a moving violation. ⭐️⭐️

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George Costanza

Believes himself to be a terrific driver, but likely the second best behind Jerry; I'd want the talk to him and see what kind of nonsense/lies he'd come up with when I told him I was an Architect; most likely to chase someone way out of our way due to a perceived vehicular slight, or engage in a road rage incident. ⭐️⭐️.5

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Jerry Seinfeld

Jerry would be the best Uber driver of the group by far, and it isn't even close; keep in mind it's a sliding scale - I wouldn't necessarily enjoy riding in his car, but I'd be confident I'd get there safely and relatively quickly; most likely to Dyson crumbs off my lap while I'm still in the car. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.6