How Narcissistic Parents Infantilize Kids

New research shows how the narcissistic parenting style affects children.

Treating an adult like a child, or infantilization, creates a cycle of dependence in which the adult constantly needs to be told what to do and how to do it. The negative effects of infantilization on older adults, as when younger healthcare workers call them “cute” or “honey,” are well-documented as involving an accelerated loss of functioning. Infantilization also causes resentment in the target. You probably know this feeling quite well if you’ve been treated in a patronizing manner by someone younger than you, if not in a medical setting, then perhaps at a store counter. “Let me show you this, sweetie,” would be such an example. In additional to feeling less than competent, you probably also feel insulted and resentful.

Even in children, infantilization can have negative consequences. Imagine you have a young daughter who’s just learned to tie the laces on her sneaker. She definitely takes longer to do this than it takes you. You’re in a rush to get her out the door, though, so you continue to tie her shoelaces in the morning just to save those precious moments. By taking over this task that she now is able to complete on her own, you’re reducing her sense of autonomy, even though you’re doing so for a perfectly legitimate reason. Eventually, with enough practice when you’re not rushed, she will become an accomplished shoelace-tier, and this will no longer be an issue.

Now that you’ve imagined this scenario, consider what happens with parents who are high in narcissism. They need their children to stay dependent on them long past when the childhood days are over, so that they can continue to feel important in their lives. New research by University of Southern Mississippi’s Nathan Winner and Bonnie Nicholson (2018) explored the role of overparenting, popularly known as “helicopter parenting,” and its influences on young adults. This popular term is a bit misleading, because it assumes that all parents of current young adults constantly hover over their children in order to see what they’re up to. Apart from the overgeneralization factor, it's not the hovering that's the issue. Instead, overparenting involves the continued treatment of children as children, and therefore seems more accurately represented as infantilization.

According to Winner and Nicholson, overparenting involves both “over-involvement and intrusiveness,” paired with “warmth and responsiveness.” Parents who overparent, the authors argue, can “impede on appropriate development of young adult independence” (p. 3650). Unfortunately, the use of the term helicopter parent has caught on to the point where all parents of millennials (those born in the late 20th century particularly) are regarded as having these qualities and, in turn, of having created an entire generation of selfie-taking and self-obsessed narcissists. We know that this is not true.

Some millennials are narcissists, but so are individuals from each generation. Instead of lamenting the ubiquity of overparenting by an entire generation of narcissistic parents, it is more accurate to regard the narcissistic parenting style as a function of a trait that varies across individuals. Furthermore, its damaging effects may be best thought of as restriction of a child’s autonomy by needing to maintain parental dependence, which in turn leads the individual to be less able to live an adult life. Indeed, the research conducted by Winner and Nicholson is based on the characterization of overparenting as “oversolicitous parenting observed in parents of younger children, where parents display high levels of warmth and involvement in situations where children do not need assistance or reassurance.” Its most damaging effects, they go on to argue, are most “troubling for the psychological development of young adult children” (p. 3651).

The Southern Mississippi researchers believe that it’s the excessive control involved in overparenting that is at the heart of the difficulties that children of narcissistic parents can experience. Winner and Nicholson define “parental psychological control” (PPC) as emotional intrusion, not just the attempts to limit the child from becoming a grown-up. Using a sample of 380 young adult college students (79 percent female), the authors measured overparenting by asking participants to report on how they perceived the parenting they were receiving, as well as their own levels of narcissism. Unfortunately, because it was the children responding and not the parents, it wasn’t possible to determine the levels of narcissism of their parents.

The undergraduates in the study reported perceived parental over-intrusiveness with the Helicopter Parenting Scale (e.g., “My parent solves any problem or crisis I might have”) and the Psychological Control Scale (e.g., “My parent is a person who brings up my past mistakes when he/she criticizes me”). Students reported on their own levels of narcissism with a standard personality inventory that assessed the two facets of grandiose and vulnerable narcissism. All of the analyses were correlational, a fact that should be taken into account when interpreting the results, along with the fact that no parents were actually assessed.

Moving on to the findings, those correlations were fed through a statistical model that allowed Winner and Nicholson to arrive at some insights into the possible direction of relationships between parental behavior and child narcissism. In this model, PPC scores indeed proved to affect the relationship between overparenting and child narcissism, and slightly more so for the vulnerable rather than the grandiose narcissism scores. In other words, children whose narcissism reflects an attempt to deal with feelings of weakness and inferiority were more likely to be exposed to overly intrusive parents who tried to control them. Even so, the statistical results led the authors to maintain that they found general support for the overparenting-PPC-narcissism relationship rather than just for the impact of parenting style on vulnerable narcissism.

As the authors conclude, “The potential for parents to go too far in their desire to remain prominent and involved within their children’s lives appears to be linked to the development of narcissistic traits” (p. 3655). Again, we do not know what their parents were actually like, but the existence of this relationship suggests how narcissism can be passed on from generation to generation. Parents who dig around in the emotional lives of their children will produce children who may, in turn, feel that this is the best way to raise a child. The Winner and Nicholson study sheds light on one step in the process: the recollection by children of how their parents treat them.

It's also important to note that, as the authors suggest, those over-controlling parents actually use a great deal of warmth and affection as they pamper their children and give them everything, or more than everything, they need. In the process, their children feel they will be loved if they accede to their parent's wishes, further eroding their sense of autonomy.

To sum up, having narcissistic parents doesn’t doom people to becoming narcissists themselves. Being treated as a child doesn’t mean you have to be one forever once you recognize your own potential to be a grown-up.

References

Winner, N. A., & Nicholson, B. C. (2018). Overparenting and narcissism in young adults: The mediating role of psychological control. Journal of Child and Family Studies. doi:10.1007/s10826-018-1176-3.

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Sounds like a millennial wrote this article. It is not why the entire generation has issues working and moving forward in life. Boomers - which is the generation that is the Millennial parents gen were largely free range parents ..most were to busy working to be involved in the kids upbringing. Most kids in this gen were left at home in front of computers and tv's with no job, no money and given pretty much everything they wanted until adulthood. The millenial generation is a product of poorly implemented educational system changes - like, every kid needed to be "special" lack of competitiveness in schools and parents not parenting them leaving them to their tech devices.

Certainly Freud was incapable of leaving them behind, which speaks to the above article.
The importance of a comprehensive understanding of biopsychosocialspiritual and natural environmental antecedents cannot and should not be overstated.

While far from ideal, compared to the competitive, fractured and dissociated contemporary settings Western families find themselves struggling within, integrated and aware observers might suggest there is much value in historically sound communal and collaborative approaches to self-other paradigms found in indigenous societies.
Clearly, rank and greed-based societies, while offering fabulous distractions, effect toxic family patterns and individual alienation instead of facilitating authenticity and validating relationships.

This article is such an incredible generalization about a very positive parenting instinct - to nurture and support our children in life. This article needs context and examples to be credible. The effect of this article is somewhat damaging as it is written because it causes parents to pull back on a trait, nurturing, which is essential for healthy children. Please Psychology Today, be more aware and thoughtful about what content you produce.

Nurturing is a very important part of being a parent and every child does need to be nurtured. However, I don't feel that this is what this article is talking about. It seems to relate more to the parent who is in every single aspect of a child's life and does not allow the child to complete tasks that they are capable of. One of my friend's mother is like this. My twenty-four-year-old friend lives in a different state from her mother while she is going to school, but her mother won't allow her to see a doctor without her. The entire time my friend is going to her classes she is denied medical care because she can't go against her mother's wishes. Her mother picks out new clothes for her for every social event which can sound sweet, but she says it's because all of the clothes that my friend has are ugly, been worn too often, or unflattering even though she was the one who chose them. She tightly polices what my friend can and cannot wear. While it can be helpful for a parent to care about how you appear, her mother makes her stand naked or mostly naked in front of a mirror and criticizes her body in an attempt to make her exercise more. From an outside view, wanting to support your child at the doctor, buying them new clothes, and "encouraging" exercise might sound like great, nurturing things, but in these cases they are not. I think this is what the article is getting at. Not necessarily, nurturing your child in any activity, but going overboard and disallowing them their own autonomy.

Thank you so much Bonnie. You actually described my life. My parents even did not let me take medication and I believed and remained sick. It's like they want me to stop breathing until they tell me so.

Submitted by That guy who was naurtred right on October 19, 2018 - 3:16pm

If I was called sweetie by someone when I was younger it was most often my mom or another woman. I'm 28 now and if I get called sweetie by an attractive older woman, I may consider it a flattering gesture, or a flirt. I will most likely say honey or flirt back at them in a non perverse way. But I wouldn't feel like i was a child.
I really don't agree that it is narcissistic in any way. I have a 4 year old girl as well, and yes I call her honey and sweetie, boo, babe, etc. because she is mine. and always will be.

It's the tone of "sweetie."
People who say sweetie, to me, aren't trying to be patronizing they're 80 years old and talking to a 24-year-old. Calm down people. It's supposed to be a term-of-endearment. When I order pancakes at a breakfast restaurant and the waitress calls me "sweetie" I'm not going to throw a fit.

those of you posting that you are offended by someone suggesting you might be over-nurturing your kids, are very likely the ones who are over-nurturing your kids. Here is an example: any parent who takes your own kid's side when a teacher is complaining about bad behavior in the kid, you are doing your kid a great dis-service. stop it. kids are expected to have good behavior at school. If a teacher is complaining, it's the kid who has the problem. Not the teacher. Just tell your kid to start behaving. Don't try to start a war with the teacher.

This article would get a C- if it was a term paper. I clicked on the link about the connection between calling someone "honey" and their loss of autonomy. It took me to another awful article, and NOT a peer reviewed published paper.
Psychology Today is junk.

The article really needs to be specific about the age groups in discussion. Are we talking about "Children" being 8 to 10, 4 to 5, something else? They key point of the article is that this activity is fine for one age group and damaging at another age group, great, but what are the age groups? I don't believe that continuing to help my 4 year old tie his shoes, despite him being able to do it with a lot of time and explanation, is going to be damaging to his future, but this article seem to suggest that it might unless we are talking about doing it when he is 8, which I can see.

Are you people being willfully ignorant, or did you not read the article -
the premise of the article is parents doing things for the children that they can do for themselves is more harmful than good - examples are given.
Do you really need exact age ranges? Can you not simply connect the dots, or do you need your parents to do it for you?

Under that premise I didn't need to read the article at all, this was all obvious. I don't need any author to connect any dots for me at any point ever. In fact we should just get rid of writing.

What a dumb comment. You really should save your opinions for yourself.

Without specific age ranges attached this research is pointless. Of course a 50 year old tying her 30 year old's shoes is going to lead to some mental issues. The only intriguing part of this article is when that becomes true, specifically.

the premise of the article is parents doing things for the children that they can do for themselves is more harmful than good -

It can be just as harmful to the child to NOT do things that they are capable of doing. Having parents tell you to "make your own d*mn dinner" when they are hungry won't help the kid's precious autonomy.

I think the issue is that AFTER READING the article it gives no credible examples as to how this is related to ADULT children. They use the tying the shoes issue but honestly, how is going ahead and tying your kids shoes for them because you are in a hurry going to damage them as an adult?! They provide no information about what these parents are ACTUALLY doing and saying to their adult children. All they say is they are "overparenting". Ok, you asked a bunch of college students what? And what exactly did the college students say the parents were actually doing? It's a very poor article

I find this article interesting and insightful. However, the title is misleading. I don't personally feel the article answered *why* narcissistic parents treat their children like babies, only how doing so can negatively impact these children in the future.

The article makes a valid point about overparenting, though. Those who infantilize adults are essentially stripping them of their abilities and reducing their autonomy. It's helping to create a society full of people who require more and more assistance just to live what many today would consider a *normal* life.

I believe the article posited the theory that narcissistic parents infantilize their children to foster the child's dependence on the parent longer in life, as having the kids around "needing" continuous support from the parents helps those parents feel important and worthwhile.

Is this not becoming a larger societal issue, and hasn't the issue of infantilization of people, regardless of age, (such as not being given credit by their elders) on the rise? Does this not compound in society as people become more competitive and self serving? Outside of families, you can absolutely see these attitudes occurring in society more. It's cultural narcissism on the rise as a whole, in which case, we can assume it is definitely impacting parenting methods and the children who are made the center of their parents world. Don't these "mommy-centric" and "kid-centric" approaches encourage narcissism in both the parents and the children? How much perspective do they really have about the world around them that isn't centered and catered to their personal experience? People raised like this will often crave self-centered praise even still, feeling insecure no longer being center stage and will make desperate attempts to get back to that place usually at the expense of other's security. There is a reason why hedonism is such a booming modern trend, along with being vapid and self-serving and it all starts with narcissistic parenting and is reinforced by capitalist greed. What happens when someone who was raised as if they were the center of the universe, realizes they are struggling to make others view them the same way? My bet is that's exactly how those parents view themselves as well, but that it has the potential to compound even more with every generation as society reinforces hedonistic and selfish attitudes. This is simply what parenting within the era of modernity in the west looks like. Everyone is a snowflake and they demand recognition, for themselves and their children.

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The study cited does not in any way, shape, or form discuss "narcissistic parents." It appears that Dr. Whitbourne attempts to conflate overparenting with narcissistic parenting; however, they are distinct constructs, and Winner & Nicholson (2018) focus solely on the former....

The study cited does not in any way, shape, or form discuss "narcissistic parents." It appears that Dr. Whitbourne attempts to conflate overparenting with narcissistic parenting; however, they are distinct constructs, and Winner & Nicholson (2018) focus solely on the former....

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The article is pure pseudo-science. Research has shown time and time again that:

1. Parenting and childhood experiences have very little impact on how people turn out as adults.

2. Children are more inflenced by their peers growing up than they are by the way they were raised, but even this is miniscle compared to genetics.

3. Narcissism and virtually every other personality trait is mostly genetic, with environmental factors being minor at best. Narcissist have narcissistic children because they'd inhererted their narcissist genes. Its that simple.

I have parents who were similarly narcissistic, not sure why this popped up. I always felt there was some psychological issue with them, and this issue is partially resonant with my own situation. My parents attempted to blame me for their own failures and up until around age 20, I had no clue how truly ridiculous or unintelligent they actually were. It seems that this narcissism stems a lot from inadequacy. As a parent's mental health degrades as they get older, they adopt a "shoot the messenger" mentality where based on the power they narcissistically and successfully wielded over their children, to manipulate, and invoke emotions out of them, they become immune to criticism and in their senility follow a typical pattern. I believe my parents were of this type of narcissists, they had many failures and unexplained problems, such as regularly breaking equipment, performing tasks the wrong way, claiming their "cooking was the best" (when it was subpar). For example, claiming "freezing food has no effect on the taste, nutrients, and consistency, and anyone who claims it is just psycho babbling; because it implies that they failed at something". Breaking ovens or computer equipment almost like children even when it was all gifted or set up by none other than me most of the time.. I had a hell of a time because after they forcefully paid for me to go to college, I had absolutely no experience in the real world, and they implied that it was not my fault at all. I had to overcome a large challenge and do things that I wish I had already been doing, but had been kept from doing by narcissistic and controlling parents. Thus that is why I relate, and that is why I personally feel negatively about academics and other fields; that I nonetheless eventually pulled through and succeeded in.

and they implied that it was not their* fault at all. I was always impoverished and was the first Engineer out of the bunch, had to work to gain everything, while being shouted down and mocked for being superior.

This is troublesome because any form of criticism, even if it's in the form of questioning why the parents did something that appears wrong or stupid, will come back as an attempt to enforce negative behavior in the child. They can even completely re-wire a child's brain to be a pathetic or broken down individual because if the parents are subpar, they can threaten to cut off the child from resources they need to survive just because they are excelling greater than their parents ever did.

I have seen a lot of parents make their children dependent on them. They can't pay their bills or hold jobs. The parents (especially the mother) refers to their grown children as their "baby". They will not give them credit for be a responsible man or women. When their parents are gone, they will be in big trouble.

I know in some lines parents, older siblings, Grandparents, uncles and Aunts sometimes step bounds that they shouldn't such as just the other day I was getting my health card renew and my Aunt who treats her own son like a man child gave me a ride and as I was about to ask for my Health card she step in, taking over. This made me feel inactive. I am 28 and I should be doing these things on my own. It no wonder why I am socially undeveloped or sociology equip to dealing with most striation that most are capable to deal with.

I agree wholeheartedly with "...parents display high levels of warmth and involvement in situations where children do not need assistance or reassurance."
The point being that parents need to be letting go of their children as they raise them, not maintaining the same level of involvement at all stages.
I have found that I am narcissistic in my tendencies and I, as well, have a narcissistic father and grandmother. One thing I will note about this though...I have found out through my own diagnosis of anxiety that I can identify how coping with anxiety in a wrong way would lead you to control everything and everyone around you.
If you control all that is around you then you can decrease your anxiety. Although impractical, direct control, or isolation (limiting your world so you can control it) are two ways that a person with anxiety can cope.
This, I know for my own family, has lead to some really self centered people who aim to have the world revolve around them so as to avoid anything going "wrong".
Just my two cents, but I think the article was very spot on. I do hope that the researchers would look at the anxiety angle though.

As the daughter of a narcissist parent, this article only touches on one type of narcissist parenting. And although problematic for society as a whole, I would have welcomed this type of parenting as opposed to the environment I was raised in. I'm not even sure I can agree this is a narcissist parent given my personal experiences in this space.

My narcissist parent was not warm or affectionate towards me, and always had to have the upper hand. To my betterment, the controlling and manipulative behavior drove me to fight tooth and nail for my independence. By 25, I was dependent on my parents for nothing and I was well into my 30s before I found healthy boundaries that allowed me to love and honor them on my own terms.

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79 percent of participants in study were female college students. Hardly a representative sample. Such is the weakness of the social pseudosciences. Narcissism ironically is a highly valued trait in American culture. Just look at how much the narcissists get paid. Feeling good about yourself is the ideal of self esteem and psychological health. These are just synonyms for becoming as narcissistic as possible. They are also based on a deeply flawed understanding of human beings, which is the result of reducing a human to an object. That is what scientific methodology does when applied to studying human beings. American females at early adulthood are the populationmost highly encouraged to be narcissistic. Appearance and achievement in recognizable and limited socially sanctioned arenas encourage this trait while simultaneously denying that the process is taking place. The disney princess is the image girls and women suffer under since celluloid portrayals of the delusion have been produced. Women are meainingless in American culture, which encourages exploitation of the weak in every class of person. glorifying those who break the ceiling reinforces the devaluation of those who do not achieve-- i.e. the majority of people.

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Get rid of this nonsense, some of the articles are actually helpful, why add feces to these posts?
Please do not include posts with phones numbers.

I did use to wonder why my mother talked to me as though I was a baby, even when I had reached adulthood. But the truth was that she was a baby herself; she had never assumed responsibility for anything, her brain was far less curious than that of a small child. I discovered her on her bed, in her 50s, screaming "I am a child - I don't belong in this world" - and I thought, oh God, Mum, get a grip.

All this, combined with the fact that English was her second language, and that she was unilaterally spoilt and lazy, made for her unilaterally bad attitude.

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