Sexual Harassment v. Harmless Flirting – A Rant

The boys around here have fine-tuned how to approach, lure and treat a woman.

They’ve figured out that most of the girls out here have daddy issues and low self esteem and a terrible fear of being poor and out of fashion. They take one look at a girl and know exactly what to say and how to approach her and just what will catch her attention. Usually, their motivation is the trophy. The prize of having conquered yet another pretty face before their boys could.

And some of us – usually the older ones or the ones who are married – are smart enough to laugh at their advances and brush them off. It’s fun to watch the “Oh shit.” expression cross their face.

Like yesterday. M and I were walking down the street together, and we separated at the liquor store. He was taking the stuff we picked up at the meat market up to the apartment, and I was grabbing a bottle of gin and one of peach champagne. I said, “I’ll be up in a minute, babe.” and M said something like, “I’ll be there.” or something. And then I reached for the liquor store’s door.

Before my hand closed on the handle, another beat me to it and hefted the door open for me. I smiled and thanked the guy, then stepped inside. And he said something like, “How could I not with a smile like that?” and continued to go on about how pretty I am.

I laughed, thanked him for being nice and bee-lined for the champagne. He was the more polite of the boys that compliment me when I go outside. Some make suggestive comments. Some tell me they don’t care that I’m married.

Some begin ogling me from a block away, doing that thing they do when they’re with their boys and checking a girl out. You’ve seen it, I’m sure. They’ll sort of turn to the side and cock their head. And then, they come up with some excuse to approach me. The last asked me for a cigarette. And then if I was single.

I remember when every girl I knew would have been flattered beyond belief if men acted this way around them. They’d go all pink in the cheeks and start ducking their heads and smiling a lot. Their voices would get all high pitched and twittery and they’d giggle awkwardly at every. single. thing. that was said.

Somewhere along the line, hitting on someone became “sexual harassment”. Harmless flirting became an attack on a woman’s person. Men trying to get a date became them being chauvinists and treating women like meat.

And… Do I really have to say what comes next? It’s become the theme of my blog. I should just change the site’s name to “I don’t get it.”

If I hear one more skinny, pretty girl say to me, “You don’t understand. It doesn’t happen to you as often. People aren’t as attracted to you as they are me.” I might just reach through my monitor and smash her pretty face.

First, it happens to me every time I leave the house. There’s not a day I’m outside that some man doesn’t intentionally place himself in my path so he can speak to me, or stop me in the middle of the street to get the time when there’s a bank sign behind me, or yank all his stuff out of the seat next to him the second he sees me step onto the bus.

In case you haven’t noticed, the climate has changed with regard to aesthetics. A man is more likely to be attracted to someone my size, shape and disposition than someone whose ribs and shitty attitude are showing.

Second, get over yourself. Seriously.

While I’m sure there are some men out there who just will not be able to resist your pretty face and skimpy clothes and will attack you, the normal every day Joe? Yeah, he’s just trying to get your attention. He wants to be seen by someone as outwardly beautiful as you.

Too bad he doesn’t know what’s on the inside.

And really, if you don’t want people to look at you or want you, why are you wearing skimpy clothes? I mean, I see no other reason to reveal that much of yourself unless you’re trying to get people to look at you and find you attractive. And from where I sit, there’s nothing wrong with wanting people to look at you and find you attractive. But you don’t get to choose who looks at you when you go into a public setting. That’s not how it works.

Yeah I know how popular my opinion is. But seriously, dude? I don’t care. It is what it is. And females leaving their houses in shirts that barely cover their nipples and skirts that don’t even cover their asses certainly aren’t dressing that way for comfort. It would be more comfortable to walk outside naked.

Women will say, “How I dress is not an invitation to ogle or approach me.” But that’s exactly what it is. Whether you’re wearing it for that reason or not, that is how skimpy clothing has always (and probably will always) been seen. If your clothes barely cover the areas granny panties and a Cross Your Heart bra cover, it will be assumed that you’re looking for something.

I’m not sure how I feel about that. But to say, “I shouldn’t have to deal with guys hitting on me every time I leave the house.” is just dumb. What are they supposed to psychically know you’re taken or not looking or not interested in them or a stuck up bitch? Pfft. I want that super power. I’ll be “Emotional Availability Detective” or something.