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I just learnt the hard way that it is difficult to follow a plan. Around last June there were a few weddings i had to attend and until this Feb i was fairly consistent in my diet and workout plan. I could feel the results of my efforts and had energy to work on my blogs, be socially active and had even planned a vacation. Everything was going perfect. Spring arrived in march and i knew hay fever season will start soon, for sunny days had arrived.

One day out of the blue, I felt an itching sensation behind my left ear. I went to the pharmacy and they gave a cream. Next day, somewhere around noon I looked into the mirror, because the entire area from the back of my ear to the shoulder was itching. After work I went again to the pharmacy and this time they gave me stronger medication. Next morning I had rashes all around my upper body, and it was spreading. I thought, I was having a serious skin disease. Fear of infecting others, had driven me to maintain safe distance.

Even though I was terrified to death, I decided not to call my mom or my best friends mom. In my weird mind it felt like i was going to die. So I only informed my brother and then went to the hospital. While I was sitting at the waiting room, I got more scared. I didn’t know whom to text or talk to and for the first time ever I felt lonely. I could have asked my aunt to come with me or my neighbour. I could have phoned my best friend or my mom. Or instead of just leaving a WhatsApp voice message, I could have called my brother, but since I was certain I was going to die, I didn’t want to worry my loved ones unnecessarily in advance. After one hour of waiting, the doctor came. He looked at me and started to laugh. With tears in my eyes and a frightened voice I asked him: “Why are you laughing at me? I am dying here.” Only then he realised how scared I was and he said : “oh no dear; you are suffering from hay fever. It’s just an allergy.” He prescribed antihistamine and some other strong medications.

On my way back home, I felt like an idiot for getting scared. From that day onwards everything went wrong. Due to my allergy I had breathing problems, so I couldn’t even jog for 10 minutes. Most of the time I was too tired and in less than 5 weeks I gained more than 12 kgs. Now my allergy is a bit under control but the gained kgs are still there. Since my lunges are not fully recovered, I shouldn’t do my EMS training. Instead of that, I should go for a walk or do 30 min on my elliptical trainer. I stare at my elliptical trainer every day and all I am thinking is: “Why should I do it? Each time if I am that close to my goal, something happens; and then I have to start again from scratch – it feels like being in a never ending loop.”

Clearly I am/was struggling to find the motivation. I feel so exhausted and have zero energy, the fire in me is blown out, and obviously I am kinda hiding from my social activities because I feel, I am unfit. I know I have to do something very soon.

Today I went through some of my old blogs and then realised, I am a hypocrite. I was asking my readers to take the responsibility for their actions and motivating them, while at the same time I was not following it. Finding someone or something to blame is always the easier path. Yes, it is true that my weight gain was partially due to the medicine but also I was guilty of having delicious meals. I guess as soon as I had an excuse to eat more I used the medication as an excuse to justify it. As I was not able to work out due to breathing problems and being weighed down with weariness, I gained weight. Since I felt like a rolling stone, my unconscious mind made a decision not to meet with other people. I was embarrassed and considering the fact that I was not following what i was preaching. I felt ashamed and could not be bothered to blog so decided not to blog. Now the puzzle is solved.

So I am starting from zero again. Target for this week is to publish one blog, cut out refined sugar and do 30 min of cardio.

What about you my dear reader, have you faced similar situations like this? How did you bounce back?

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My Birthday is in 22 days and it frightens me. As a child I was looking forward to this day but now I am looking for possible ways to postpone the day.

My parents never failed to organize the perfect Birthday party for me and my brother. We received a lot of presents, mom always prepared our favorite dish and obviously new clothes. As a student I wanted to have one of those surprise parties, where your friends plan everything and u go to a club and simply get wasted. That never happened but my parents were still organizing the big one for me. It was really sweet of them. In the next phase of my life I was fancying about wakening up next to a handsome boyfriend, having breakfast in bed, red roses and a small present ideally from Tiffany&Co. Guess what, this never happened either. This could still happen because you never know when the Mr. Perfect is gonna knock on your door. Instead of fancying about this or being excited about what is going to happen next year, I am scared about getting old.

When I look around and compare myself with other women in my family & friend circle of my age group, I feel like they are having a very boring life. In other words I think something is wrong with me because I stand out from the crowed. Sometimes I even think, I shouldn’t be this active on social media because this is what teenagers and students do. I tried to convince myself saying: “Age is just a number and I am as old as I feel.” Oh well this didn’t work out the way I wanted. The increasing number of grey hair (by the way I have 10 of those shiny bitches now) and hair thinning are clear signs of getting Old.

Today I was enjoying the view from my office window. All the trees crowned in leaves, different shades of yellow and orange. I love autumn, its simply alluring. Since it was a bit windy, a lot of leaves were falling. All of sudden I was JEALOUS of trees. Trees lose their leaves like us losing our hair. But leaves come back in Spring/Summer, but there is no come back for our hair. This is so unfair 😦

Seriously folks, I am jealous of a Tree! Can you believe that? I mean a tree???!!!!. OMG what is happening to me? Am I crazy?

Are you afraid of your birthday? Do you have similar crazy thoughts like me?

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This weekend I made a shocking discovery – found 3 grey hair strands. Now I am convinced I have more, not yet visible. We often hear statements like “aging gracefully” or “with age comes wisdom”, which should make us happy. To be honest I am scared of getting old. I am horrified about the thought, being categorizes as OLD.

My immediate reaction after noticing grey hair was to check my skin condition. If it’s already saggy at places. Within minutes my browser history was filled with, how to stop aging articles and YouTube videos. I don’t know how you guys are dealing with this situation. For me this has been one of the most depressing weekends.

How come our childhood movie stars are not aging? Even though I don’t understand much Hindi, I love watching Bollywood movies as well as Hollywood movies. Madhuri Dixit , Kajol and Aishwarya Rai, Jennifer Aniston and Drew Barrymore, are my favorites. Once I looked up to them and tried to follow their fashion. Now I feel like their aging clock run out of battery and spared them from aging process. Even though I am much younger than them, I look much older than them now L.

Why is it so difficult for me to accept the fact, that it’s a natural process? What is the reason for my panic attacks? My mom is in her mid-sixties and she started complaining about saggy skin just few months ago. Until then she was not even aware of it. Oh well, I could say she aged gracefully. She is still gorgeous.

There are so many anti-aging products out there. I know these products are not going to stop the aging process – merely conceal reality!

Did you know an increasing proportion of the world consists of elderly people? People live longer and longer. Is it so bad if I say I want to live only until 50?