Through meditation practice you quiet your thoughts of worry, giving space to your Self to feel elated and blissful. It's easy to forget that the thoughts of worry will come back. Meditation practice just shows you how to get to this place of quiet, non judgement, blissful state of being, and gives you the tools to get there while not meditating. When you forget to be mindful and aware of your state of being is when you may send yourself down a rabbit hole of thoughts.

When I have these thoughts of worry and I'm not being mindful, I get hard on myself, causing suffering. I seem to get this big wonder of, if I meditate and am doing all the right things, why do I still have these thoughts? Why do I still get angry? Why do I still think of the worst possible scenario? These questions make me either more angry about the topic I was originally angry about or a movie plays in my mind of the worst possible scenario, laying out exactly how it will all go down. It's like a drug. The thoughts are the drug and my mind is telling me, "do it, do it, do it."

Why isn't my mind fixed? Argh! Now, I'm more upset. Have I been doing it all wrong? Maybe it's because most of the time in meditation practice, my mind runs. Maybe it's because I get so itchy. Why do I get so itchy! When will it all quiet down?

Oh right. It's the mindful part. Fixing or waiting for something to happen states of being is what needs to be slowed down. How can I be here, with my mind without wanting to fix anything or waiting for any changes?

Accepting your condition here without judgement is the mindful part and so easily forgotten. There are years and years and years and oh, and did I say years? of layers of these states of being from before without the mindfulness. Years of being judgmental of myself and years of being the fixer for myself. Years and years of this drug, understanding that there has been so much patterning, understanding that this is my conditioning and it doesn't have to be. So as the cravings or the thoughts come up, I can look at it without judgement, without trying to fix my mind from these thoughts and make a choice of going down the rabbit hole or being here, where none of that is going on.