Thoughts from the interface of science, religion, law and culture

After spending several years touring the country as a stand up comedian, Ed Brayton tired of explaining his jokes to small groups of dazed illiterates and turned to writing as the most common outlet for the voices in his head. He has appeared on the Rachel Maddow Show and the Thom Hartmann Show, and is almost certain that he is the only person ever to make fun of Chuck Norris on C-SPAN.

EVENTS

Klayman Demands Obama Resignation

The collection of pseudo-patriots and yokels that Larry Klayman put together for his “citizen grand juries” in Florida has returned a verdict of guilty and Klayman thinks that means Obama should resign. Because, you know, Kenyan Muslim, not an American, blah blah blah. I present his latest column with my comments interspersed in italics:

Last Wednesday, the great usurper, Barack Hussein Obama, after having been indicted by an Ocala, Fla.,citizens’ grand jury (Read: a bunch of bumpkins playing dress up), was convicted by a people’s court of defrauding the American people and Floridians by proffering them with a fake birth certificate. See CitizensGrandJury.com.

As readers of this column and WND know too well, Obama is not a natural-born citizen eligible to be president of the United States, as he was not born in this country to two American citizen parents (So Ted Cruz isn’t eligible either, right? And neither was John McCain). However, to justify his fraud and his elections to the highest office in the land, and after years of inquiry, in 2011 the Obama White House posted on its website a birth certificate purporting to show him having been born in Hawaii. The problem is, however, according to forensic experts, the birth certificate is altered and forged (and by “forensic experts” he means people who have no idea how PDFs work).

The day of reckoning has come. Obama, having failed to plead in response to the indictment that was served upon him (wow, really? Hard to believe he wouldn’t take this seriously), waived his right to a jury trial. Thumbing his nose at We the People (“We the Deluded), as the citizens’ prosecutor, I appeared before a citizens’ court judge (Wapner?) and presented evidence from Cold Case Posse investigator Michael Zullo showing that Obama tricked voters into electing him in 2008 and 2012. As a result, the citizens’ judge found him guilty on two counts of falsifying information to federal and state election officials. He was thus sentenced to the maximum prison term for these offenses of 10 years and ordered to immediately surrender himself into the custody of the citizens of the United States and Florida (Yeah, good luck with that. Let us know how it works out).

Of course, Klayman knows that Obama isn’t going to do anything but laugh at all of this nonsense, so he has a plan:

Of course, Obama will not willingly obey the law of the people. He will attempt to hide behind the iron fences of the White House, perhaps cowering under his desk for fear that the people will rise up and demand his ouster.

Yes, I’m sure he’s absolutely terrified. And isn’t this where Jerome Corsi tells us that cowering under his desk is a secret signal to Al Qaeda that they can raid the White House salad bar or something?

On Nov. 19, 2013, a day that will hopefully live on in the history of our once great republic, I call upon millions of Americans who have been appalled and disgusted by Obama’s criminality – his Muslim, socialist, anti-Semitic, anti-Christian, anti-white, pro-illegal immigrant, pro-radical gay and lesbian agenda – among other outrages, to descend on Washington, D.C., en masse, and demand that he leave town and resign from office.

Awww. He’s so cute when he balls up his little fists and cries, isn’t he? Prediction: On Nov. 19, 2013, a day that will mean next to nothing to anyone, Larry Klayman will show up in Washington, DC (if he can afford the plane ticket) along with a handful of wingnuts and do nothing but get pointed and laughed at as they show up at the White House gate demanding that the president surrender to them. I just hope it’s caught on video.

Well, the Citizens Grand Jury of Those People Who Happen to be Sitting at My Desk Right Now have declared Larry Klayman to be guilty of treason. He is hereby sentenced to approach Mark Kessler and yell “I’m with the ACLU and I’m here to take your guns!”

As a Peoples Sovereign Person I exercise the right that sovereigns have had for millennia and issue full and unconditional pardon to Barack Obama and the whole executive branch (not Tim in IT he’s just a jerk).

I wouldn’t be surprised if these numbnuts have convinced themselves that if Obama were removed from office, they get a do over of the last election. But as the Green Wizard of Justice, I find Larry Klayman mentally incompetent and order him confined to an institution until he is cured of his delusions.

Isn’t Klayman exactly the sort of “mentally ill” person that the NRA thinks should be kept away from guns and sharp objects? Or is he exactly the sort of “mentally ill” person the NRA thinks should be armed to the teeth and have access to RPGs?

d.c.wilson“I wouldn’t be surprised if these numbnuts have convinced themselves that if Obama were removed from office, they get a do over of the last election.”
That’s ridiculous. They’d get a do-over of the last two elections.

Dr X“Did ModusO write that for him?”
Sort of. The draft I sent him was a musical.

They’re so cute when they dress up and play cops-and-robbers, aren’t they?

It’s nice that Klayman gave plenty of warning for when he’s going to “storm” the White House. The Secret Service and capitol police have plenty of time to practice keeping their faces straight while they arrest the idiots.

As a result, the citizens’ judge found him guilty on two counts of falsifying information to federal and state election officials. He was thus sentenced to the maximum prison term for these offenses of 10 years and ordered to immediately surrender himself into the custody of the citizens of the United States and Florida.

I just held my own citizens’ court for Larry Klayman. I happen to be the only member, but it’s okay because I’m a Citizen and one of the People.

Larry was found guilty of being a stupid shit who has no understanding or respect for law or democracy. Now for the sentencing… done! Larry is hereby sentenced to 20 years in rape prison, and is ordered to turn over his entire net worth. I’ll be on the lookout for that seventeen dollar check.

18 U.S.C. § 2384 – Seditious Conspiracy:
“If two or more persons in any State or Territory, or in any place subject to the jurisdiction of the United States, conspire to overthrow, put down, or to destroy by force the Government of the United States, or to levy war against them, or to oppose by force the authority thereof, or by force to prevent, hinder, or delay the execution of any law of the United States, or by force to seize, take, or possess any property of the United States contrary to the authority thereof, they shall each be fined or imprisoned not more than 20 years, or both.”

I suppose if his dozen supporters show up in DC and all they do is stumble around trying to remember how to talk in our Earth languages there’s no “by force”. And of course there are 1st amendment issues; the guy does have a right to run his mouth, however noxious he is.

I just want to remind all event visitors that I will be selling commemorative T-shirts, tea bags, beer can hats and rally towels at the north entrance to KlaymanPaloosa on Nov 19th. That’s the NORTH entrance. With every $200 purchase get a free Citizen Court Sheriff’s kit including badge, handcuffs and whistle! No checks.

This is so much like the loony “sedevacantists” who think the last legitimate pope was Pius XII and occasionally get together in little groups to elect a “true” pope. My favorite is Pope Michael I, who was elected by a schismatic conclave of six people — two of whom were his mommy and daddy. Klayman would feel right at home in such a group.

As a result, the citizens’ judge found him guilty on two counts of falsifying information to federal and state election officials. He was thus sentenced to the maximum prison term for these offenses of 10 years and ordered to immediately surrender himself into the custody of the citizens of the United States and Florida.

Or… what? Larry will cross Obama off his Christmas Card list? Send a sternly-worded letter to the editor? Hold his breath until he turns blue?

Just as Scott Lively should be forced to change his name to Scott Deadly(for supporting antigay laws in Africa) Larry should also have a name change imposed on him. He should be renamed Larry Clayfeetman given his utter ineptitude at his profession.