being more than disturbed

posted on January 8, 2007 at 8:24 pm

a pack of yobbos has moved in underneath us about 3 weeks agotheyve had 4 partys since xmaslast nighthorror of horrorsthe yobbos(read young ignorant beer swilling people possessed of little charm or grace)last nite, monday nitethe yobbos have a little gathering of 20 other fellow yobbosall talkin’ like kath n kimand to my absolute distress n dismaythey now have a barbequeunder our windowswe had the lighter fluidwe had the thick black smoke of their disgusting altarthenwe have the rancid filthy stenchas they burnt their dead dismal offeringto some brainless beer-godwe have to close all the windows immediatelybut the vile evil odours have permeated our homelike having a crematorium going outside..plus brilliant comments like“this is really good meat!!”as they tuck into their tragedythey guffaw loudly and slurp down such copious quantities of boozethat the glass recycler is nearly valve-bouncingthen the doof doof doof startsit pumps solidly thru the nightup thru the flawboardsits inane uselessness finds memusic for people who hate musica simplistic bang bang bangfor yer basic moron who loses interestif there is a more than a one second gapand fiendsshere comes the frightening bit2 of these yobbos are girls2 yobettes and their little brotherformerly of yob pointi knew i was gonna hate emwhen i saw they had a fuckin parrot in a cage as they moved inyeah yobettei bet yer lil birdy loves doin’ solitary for lifeyet committed no crimeinstead of flying the burnin’ blue skieshes prisoner in yer nasty little cagepeople with no cluepeople with no tastei was gonna saytheyre not even “straights”we had “straights” before and they were consideratethey were doofing oncei knocked at the doorand said the missus is trying to have a restand the doof ceased prontotheir only other problem was an enormous surround sound war game machinethe floor would shake n shudderand civilians would screami kid you notwe had only some thin floor boardsseparating us from ww111tanks blastingrockets fallingthe worksbut theyd always stop at 11or if ya banged on the ceilingbut lassanite when i finallyat 11 30jumped on the epicentre of the doof doofthey stopped for 3 secondsthen it returned in all its moronic vengeance;the unfailing thump of drunken yobbos.eventually as their gathering winds downthey accumulate (like rubbish)underneath our bedroom windowhaving their loud empty ha ha hablah blah blahs right outside(you couldnt dignify it with the word “conversation”)now i dont want to start that fucking idiot up againin the comments section..but the yobettes male friendsdont mind draining their beer-swollen bladdersjust round the side of the house neithernow…..well of coursenext time it happens(im always saying next time)but next timeim gonna vacuum the house at 6 amslowly and knocking big heavy things overagain n againthe doodles will be allowednay encouragedto run n jump n doing cartwheels cross the floormusic which i imagine is anathema to the yobs will be played(ie something nice)at random intervals in random parts of the housewith my new bass heavy hi fi boxa’shuddering and a’vibrating right thru the gentle morning…hangover?im gonna induce the mother of all hangoverswhen space ritual resounds deafeninglyin their cauliflower ears n confused alcohol soaked “brains”NICE N EARLYWAKEY WAKEY HANDS OFF SNAKEY!!!and then….and then…and then im as bad as themanother irate naybour killing people loudlywith their badde fucking mannersand then things can get even worsei mean it isnt actually open war yet…..and i dont want thatbelieve mei been living here for agesits usually isnt TOO badkellys gone n everything…..she did a midnite runner a few weeks backanywayshe was a lot more exciting than the dullards downstairsthey are as close to generic yobbo as you can getjust the most uncomprehending kinda idiotswho depress ya just seeing hearing n now smelling emnk is furiousim trying to keep her under controlthe twillies at midnite lassanitewere spoiling for a fightim going down there to fucking tell themTO SHUTTUP OH!!!yells skinny minnimarching down the stairscome back here i hissnot tonite…ya seei know enuff to know that 20 20 something yobboswith bellies full of grog n fleshand a good doof doof goingwellthey aint gonna listen to an irate vegeterian bi-lingual twinfrom sodermalm stockholm telling emto close down their cretinous festivitiesand go to sleepnow what do i do?i cant afford to movei dont wanna move neither….but what the….?im in shockplease no” just chill”thats what they’d probably say..i dont wanna be this part im being forced intothe angry olde guy upstairswhos trying to stop their orgies of ignorancei dont wanna start a cold waror any other war with em neitheri just wish theyd go away…please somebody..MAKE EM GO AWAY

ps mishydo you wanna come thursday?sk

92 Responses to “being more than disturbed”

Sending good thoughts, vibes n prayers in your direction. Trusting that the collective will of the fiends will encourage them to move on very soon.Would send the boys round but I don’t allow any violence in my life now. Long way for the Zulus to travel in any case.Why should you have to move anyway. Are they renting or buying? If they rent aren’t there clauses built into the tenancy agreement preventing nuisance behaviour in oz? Managing rented accommodation is how I earn a crust here in England. Wish they were here, I’d sort ’em out then.Love you more,

Call the coppers, call the landlord/lady.Write them a nice note and pin it on their door. I know this sounds insane, but try to befriend them it will be difficult for them to be rude and inconsiderate once they meet the charming K’s!Good luck!I’ll send a banishing spell in a moment.Cee

sounds horrendous – my suggestion would be to maintain dignity at all costs – write ’em a letter explaining your concerns and situation – mention you are a songwriter/musician and need quiet time esp at night to tend to your craft – then not so subtly do some (your) name-dropping – there’s a chance at least one of the gentlemen downstairs listens to nova-fm and thinks tug is the best aussie song since highway to hell and may fawn at the knowledge of a megastar living upstairs – if that fails we consider bribery and corruption

Best of luck in resolving this situation. We recently had a Mariachi band move in next door. I’d say something to them about their late night rehersals if I could stop giggling about it. I’d be in a pickle, like you, if they were drunkos though.

ask Luigi and Franco, the two sunglassed italian australians. Or ask Vladimir, Arkadij and Vitalij, the three nice russian combat stooges with their blow torch.

No, honestly, SK, i’m going through the same thing. Beneath the Fandorin Palace, there’s a wife-n-child-beatin’, ciggie-smoking bastard listening to Freddie Mercu-feckin-ry. Whenever little 5 months Selma Fandorinovna drops one of her toys, or if Fandorin & Fandorinette buy a little piece of furniture and get it up the stairs, or if the in fact very little Fandorinovna plays with her little friend, the German Gobshite turns his stereo up to 11.

I’ve written the evillest of all evil possible letters to the world’s evilles landlord, had it signed by my fellow sufferers, and now let’s see.

In your case, I’d propose a living room gig. This is en vogue over here – invite a band in your flat and let em play a little show. It usually acoustic, but you could ask PK to bring his quadruplophenoplethorogalorogorgeophonious Great Machines with the Leslie Rotating Top, MWP to bring his shrieky P=A volume pedals, plus Violinda and the radiotronicist.

My plan, if the evil letter fails, is: Fill the postbox to the brim with dried peas. The image of the gobshite running on the peas, but not moving (like in Tom & Jerry), finally rolling backwards and falling down the stairs is a picture of sheer beauty & bliss.

Aaagh , city living .. aint it grand.You’ve been there awhile so just maybe the real estate agent will appreciate your patronage & do something about it if you spoke to them.There’s a shortage of rental properties in Sydney at the mo so they shouldnt have any probs finding new tenants.

now that sounds like a fucking nightmare…..we got that going on four houses down…..a neighborhood pub sits there……kitchen open until 11pm every night spewing that horrible stench of death……finding empty beer bottles and liquor glasses in the front yard cause some inconsiderate drunk can’t seem to find the rubbish bin thats a few paces away……loud drunken chatter echoing in the air every night til around 3am or so (depending whether the “game” is still on or not)…….so yeah, robin and i can relate…….but it’s not right under us…..as for a solution………that’s a tough one……and i don’t EVEN wanna get started on the confinement of that parrot……..caging animals really gets my blood boiling……….sorry to drone on……. but like i said, we can empathize with your circumstances…….here’s hoping that the parties will be less frequent now that the holidays are over

I canne believe it. Do they know they have the chosen son, the forgotten one… living upstairs, Nah!! of course not. Tell em to move… No I will!! Donna and I will move in. you can bet I would be at the airport in milli- seconds if ya offered. we were thinking of moving to Melbo anyway. I just feel for you killa. The most amazing man in music EVER. THE LEADER OF THE PROSE; IMAGINED, AND SPOKEN WORD. THE MONET OF BONDI, THE LEADER OF THE CEERRCH. my mind is frazzled thinking about et.We could exchange art ideas, talk about the forgotten world.. have long games of connect four over a few quite yaggas and a spliff listening to ziggy, and creating ideas for the betterment of the blah! society outside the window nk and d can talk important gurly stuff.. I could be ya personal roadie carryin ya bass and amp.. drivin ya home at night..as an actor we could run lines and i could help ya with (method) as i learned from the ny actors studio..we would be conscensious, and respectful, frendly and obscure.I know this sounds a little stalky..don’t worri- but is’nt that the kind a people you deserve down at ground zero- I bet they are the same grimy idiots that watch Sadams hanging on the net and laugh like lsd induced hyennas……sk I wnt better for you and your special crew up there, so I will mind fuc them from Auckland…they will go I will see to that!! I am also pretty good at fuccin with fuccers.you have thousands of us out there..they have no idea of the powerI was goona takl about the ABC televised gig… people over my way are convertin at an incredible rate.. the music is peircing minds .. got men running to by MATS, and AENT…. where can I get get it they say..(why hav we not heard of them b-for.Mmmm I can tell you one thing my friend..the mediocrity is there to test our strength.DO NOT FRETT the mind army has left the shores of tranquility and is armed to the teethMATT

fucking idiots are dangerous. Wait until tomorrow,knock on their door,be polite,tell them you have small children who need to sleep and that is hard when they are playing LOUD and yelling to eachother in the middel of the night. Maybee they will understand.if not call the police, talk to the other neighbours, visit them all of you, drink coffie with them,20-30 people and don’t go before they promise to be nice.If that isen’t work out,visit them again,take with you a lot of rotton fish and hide it around their house.and finally,steve,find their phonenumber,give it to us,and we can phone them in the middel of the night for 3 weeks at 0100,0115,10130,0145,0200,0215………

I hate to suggest a conventional approach; but I had a very similar situation a few years ago (including the ‘stench of death’ and doof doof); it was absolutely intolerable.

In the end I had to inform the real estate goblins…repeatedly. Eventually it got sorted out and they moved. It takes some persistence, but it’s the only way to get them out of yer greying locks.

In the interim; it’s important to remain friendly to them and don’t antagonise them with disturbances…that way it will seem less like neighbours bitching at each other and more like calm, rational family being tormented by ignorant yobs.

this may or may not be useful, but i would firstly try to track down the landlord and/or real estate agent who leases the place, and have a few words with them – even just give em a printed version of your blog post right there

regarding the bbq – when they’re not around, if possible u could just slightly turn on the gas, so that it leaks out; then they have no gas next time they come to use it. that’ll at least piss ’em off and stall things, if not lead to a cancellation of the bbq on that day. and they’ll just think they left it on themselves last time they used it. even if u just turn it on on top of the gas cylinder only, this is usually enough to cause a slow leak & emptying of the gas! ;-D

Ceciliagin has the right idea. New Moon’s not until around the 5th of Feb (ya just missed one), so you’d better start sending the kiddy winks down to the foreshore to collect gull feathers (though I’d recommend crow, myself) and stock up on olive oil (opportunity for a nice pasta salad, perhaps?)

I could dispatch my mate Daemon, but why send an imperceptible abstract essence to do a bird’s job?

wowreally sorry stevebad neighbors totally suckbeen there, mani once had a smokin’ leviathan of a ladyliving beneath mecast straight out of redneck centralshe once asked me to fix herbacked up bathtupin the end, i bent a wire coat hangerand pulled a pair of panties from the drain!!!

The “worst” neighbours I ever had were an elderly Mormon couple from the U.S. who actually were quite lovely. It was only just before they moved out (to surrender the flat to the next pair of church elders doing their tour of duty) that they blew it by coming in and trying to introduce me to the Book of Mormon. I fought them off with Romans 12, as I recall.

I could go off on a tangent here about all the doorstep debates I’ve had with people trying to open my heart to accept Jeebus as my personal lord and saviour over the years. . . . .but we were talking about you and your neighbours. Can I suggest you try the “Don’t you know who I am? I’m Steve Fuckin’ Kilbey of The Church, biatches!” routine? Perhaps the knowledge that there’s a rock star living upstairs might cool them out. If not, you can do the rock star thing and start throwing a few well-aimed TVs out the window!

well that sounds annoying – the thing that winds me up about situations like that is the lack of consideration for the kids (i assume they have seen enough of you to know you have little ones about). i’d try a pleasant, rational approach once or twice and if that don’t work then get some legal advice – i don’t think you can start a base response war with your ipud, it’ll just escalate and make it worse.

alternatively, you must know a lot of people in the music biz, can you not get angry anderson and the ghost of bon scott down there to nut ’em all over the gaff. the danger of course being that they may just join in the racket. hhmmmm, do you know any indie, sensitive, veggie, double hard bastards prepared to do your bidding.

I most want to garrotte the property manager who installed three twenty year old blokes in the place next door; to me they’re far more culpable than the offending automata themselves.

Shouldn’t these fuckers, as part of their putrid job, conduct some sort of reconnoitre in even a half-hearted effort to find tenants vaguely sympathetic to an area?

For instance, inflict twenty-year-olds all you like, but what say they dispute, so so loudly, the existence of god rather than the merits of Warney’s flipper. Don’t those vast, idle regions of their brains itch? Or ache from lack of use?

But to think I could be above the oafish chortling and colosseum cries, rather than having it slightly diffused to one side…

Definitely the worst thing is being cast in the dread role for which I’m so ill-equipped. Whilst busy eschewing it at all costs, my single greatest wish has been for the arrival of romance – a girlfriend with the right demands can dissolve a share house quicker than you can say Yoko Ono. My heart has leapt at an occasional set of playboy bunny seat covers down in the street, but alas they’ve been fleeting.

Many years ago on the ground floor of a terrace I would habitually play Gilt Trip just about as loud as it would go. The acoustics of the bluestone really had every corner of the place dripping with sound. Though we’d been regularly woken by the upstairs eighteen year-old lass and her coital concert aria, her foibles were not so unbearable that I was advertently blasting her with atmosphere.

I eventually heard her knock. “Look, I’m sorry man” she said, “that’s really cool music you’re playing but I’m trying to study for an exam”.

I loved how she was able to acknowledge the superiority of the music even under the circumstances.

It’s a good thing I’m here early today….! I know you don’t like to be given advice or to be lectured to….but here goes!!

I have some experience with this and I’m from the same neck of the woods as you so my advice may be pertinent.

Firstly, I have read through the other commenters advice and poo and spells may have some effect but you may need to go a more conservative route to effect change in this situation. You are correct in feeling that all out war is the wrong move as once you engage in this sort of activity you have lost already. It will be a challenge for you to control yourself (I read all that stuff about you being a ‘pita’ type etc some months ago) but you gonna have to, I think, for the sake of all the gals at your place. If you have already asked nicely a few times, then this is the way to start. Keep it nice. Make a note of when you ‘nicely’ asked ’em to keep it down.

It is unlikely you will be able to make ’em go away. They will have signed a lease. As it sounds like they have settled in and are enjoying themselves they will be unlikely to vacate in under 6 months (at least) of their own free will. Eviction would be the only way to get em out. I think it’s fair to say that a few noisy parties wouldn’t constitute grounds for eviction in the swingin’ suburb of Bondi, and as to the odors of burnt flesh permeating your dwelling, you ain’t gonna win there either. You may be able to have some impact on their BBQ placement though. They may not be permitted to have one on the balcony (fire safety) and you can certainly complain re: smoke pouring in your windows, particularly if it was setting off your smoke alarms etc. Do you have a smoke alarm? Maybe get one. Maybe put it not far from the window. Check with the president of the block’s owner’s corporation re: BBQ’s on balconies. If the cannot put it on their balcony then technically speaking they can’t put it in a common area, but they might. In any case it may not be so bad if it’s not located directly under your windows.

The noise. I used to live in Coogee and this time of year there is a party within earshot every fucking night. I was cool about it at first, after all, I used to be at those parties dancing and carrying on etc. But when you can hear every word of their fucking conversations it’s too much! I was cool about it for about 2 years actually, and then I’d had enough. As a resident of the area and a tennant of the block you have the legal right to ‘quiet enjoyment’ of your home. As you know, the police can enforce thisafter 10pm. I never thought I’d call the police, but baby I did. I had to because I was not gonna be responsible for my actions if the noise didn’t stop!!! I had little kids and needed my damn sleep! The police are very cool about this and as we all know, they don’t come busting in with truncheons etc. They will turn the noise down after that. They may turn it up again after the police have gone, but you’ll just have to call the peelers again. I know it sounds wearisome, but it will have the immediate effect of shutting them up and hopefully the long term, cumulative effect of them not turning up the music etc in the first place.

Additionally, you must complain in wrtiting to your managing agent, citing specific dates and details and cc. this all to the president of the owners corporation. Particularly include details of the urinating, as that is stomach turning. Maybe also the recycling overflow, although you have no direct evidence of that. Make sure you mention that you have a young family (cite their ages.) Write everything down…..every incident with dates and times. Log every call to the cops etc. Once again, wearisome I know, but if it gets to the stage where other parties become involved you’ll need all this. In my experience, managing agents do as little as possible, so make sure you say that you want the information passed on to the owner of the property and check via owner’s corp. that these issues of disharmony in the block are registering with the owners.

Right. Thats my two cents.

I usually like to keep my comments succinct….but there was no short way to cover this topic.

**arrrggghhh** inconsiderate, selfish assholes!! why do people have to be that way? i just got over a 6-month stint of exactly what you’re describing: three 20-something young women who moved in over us in june, and the non-stop banging and thumping finally came to a blessed end at the end of december. they must have worn cement shoes or something, as my ceiling fans would always wobble as they pounded across their floor.

i tried everything: knocking on their door, talking to the complex manager, even calling the police. finally it took my daughter and i being more than just a litte noisy in the morning for them to stop.

i’m not saying to do the revenge approach, but it was the only thing that worked for me. they got the message. and it wasn’t as if we did anything on purpose~~we keep early hours. she goes to school and i go to work, so it couldn’t be helped. now i can only wonder who will move up there now??

nothing to do with the mo-fos downstairsbut i just wanted to share with yathe sight of baby bumperwho has found my pipe from the playshes appeared and is grooving togimme shelterpipe in mouthbumping n grinding to the stonesnever thought i’d see something like thisoh wow….

Thanks for the email tb. What a loverley thought. We thank u for playing in Syd last yr and hope you do afew side gigs this yr too.

Funny u mentioning Jeff Buckley & the Kanga Roo song – bought a cd last wk with that song on it, also has Lilac Wine & Hallelujah (love the version of that done by Alex Lloyd too). Also got cd by Hawkwind, brings back good memories of Space nite at Basement. Like nk’s taste, got a lot of those records too, a blast from the past (they were the good ole days – tis a worry, starting to sound like my parents did.)

Hope things quieten down with noisy neighbours, have been pretty lucky recently but have had to put up with noise below me. Still get people slamming doors – scares the life out of me when you don’t expect it.

Looking forward to seeing Peter in play. What’s he like, is he fiend or foe? all will be revealed.Tis another hat you’ll be wearing. You’ll have to update your resume – Actor, Singer, Musician, Artiste, Poet …..

Wow, I remember such aiysh holshe!! I had some real winners under me once, but luckily (bad for them I suppose) they were evicted. It sounds like everyone else has said just about the same thing I would…just be diplomatic, blah, blah. Or you could just do like you said and start practicing at 5:00 AM…REALLY LOUD, and have the doodles do their cartwheels. God, man, that REALLY sucks to have such shit bags living so close to you. That has to be hellish having to smell their grimey, dead beast-cooking BBQ going right into your house (especially since you are not into that). I truly wish I had some sort of secret, sage advice to help you out. I guess being cool to them couldn’t hurt, and just tell them you’re gonna start having to get nasty with them the next time they act up. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with people?? I am so sick of inconsiderate bastards walking the Earth, sucking up all our fresh air, etc. Then they fucking PISS on the side of the house??? Great, now your abode is gonna smell of Yobbo-piss. If they keep doing that, just piss in a bucket (for a good week or so) and go down to their front door and gently pour it gracefully on their front step etc. Let them get a good dose of their own “medicine” if they have to, but I guess everyone else is right in saying diplomacy is best. But, yeah, get the property owner/coppers involved if you have to. I know it is the last thing you wanna do is make enemies with your “neighbours” but, for fuck’s sake, they shouldn’t be so damned ignorant. I am so sorry you have to deal with that crap now. I wish I could help you out more, man. Hope everything goes o.k. for you and the family. Hang in there, Kilbo.With lots o’ peace and love, and lot’s of good vibes for patience,Ben V.

Oh, that Baby-bumper is gonna be something else!!(already is from the sound of it) That is hysterical about the pipe. That is what I was gonna say a couple days ago…I would KILL to see you perform in that play. That would be the ultimate Sydelly experience for yers truly and his Mrs!!

Great blog today – hilarious (I know – not for you) but I’m definitely getting my money’s worth. From reading the comments it seems to be a trend of many of your readers – having been in the same situation!

A lesson for all – get a single family dwelling at all costs and pay for the extra insulation. I went that route and I don’t hear A thing ever outside (outside some firecrackers occasionally).

Best bet is to befriend them, let them know who you are (a celebrity), that you know lots of cool people and have great cool stories and sway them with your sophistication and worldliness. If you can’t beat em – you pretty much have to join them. Once they get to know you, they should sympathize a little better and may take their parties to someone elses house.

We’ve all had the ugly neighbor issue.I have the ignorant drunks downstairs who are twice as oldas I am chronologically, but act like they’re four.

Fist off do you know what your town’s ordinance on noiseand when it’s supposed ot stop is? After asking them to berespectful and keep it down if they don’t call the cops. Sorry to be such a b***h bu tyou have a right to peaceand quiet.

As for the BBQ, pass the steak. Sorry, I like steak.Burn lots of patchouli and send it downstairs, thatsmell always gets me a bit queasy.

My heart goes out to you. I once lived next door to some yobbos like the ones you describe so well. They had their ACDC parties, their booze and their ritualistic devouring of meat on the BBQ. My flatmate mate and I used to try and just laugh about how bad they were but nothing seems to stop them starting to crawl under your skin. As collective commenters and devotees to your cause we can all use our wishing powers to rid them from disturbing the sanctity of your peaceful abode.

Oh Steve, what a nightmare! Brings back hugely anxiety-producing memories, as I’ve had a fair bit of trouble with neighbours too. I have had quite a lot of success just by being very persistent, which is, of course, very stressful and tedious.

When I was in Sydney in November I wrote a letter to a friend’s agent in Potts Point strongly suggesting that they fix the kitchen ceiling, which had a chunk missing, a huge crack and an even huger bulge (the upstairs neighbours had a washing machine pipe which broke and flooded).

My suggestions:

Is there any way you can find out who the owner of your flat is, because you could then possibly approach them directly to lobby on your behalf.If the agent of their flat is not the same as your agent, then can you find out who it is? If you can find out who it is, you could write to them, phone them frequently and, most importantly, go in there frequently to complain – it would embarrass them in front of people – until they are so sick of you they do something about the issue. Cast your net as wide as possible and explore as many option as possible and do it as soon as possible. As already suggested, contact the police, the agents (yours and theirs), the owners (your and theirs), the other neighbours (who may help if they are bothered by the noise too eg. a petition.) Contact the council and go to the Sydney equivalent of the Tenant’s Union, because they may have some ideas you haven’t though of.

I absolutely agree with B Bon that you should log everything and write down everything in as much detail as possible (including all the advice you get from the aforementioned), because you will be taken much more seriously if you do. Submit a typed log of all disturbances with any (typed)letter you write to anyone.

Something I have found really useful to help me sleep when there is noise outside is to have a fan on a high setting (as long as it doesn’t rattle!). You don’t need to have it facing you, and the drone of it could block out some of the peripheral noise at least.

If all the formal channels fail, and at the risk of seeming inflammatory, I do think you should play your bass at 6am and thump around. As Veleska says, sometimes that is the only way people actually register that their behaviour is having an effect on other people. And if you have exhaustively pursued the other options then it does not make you as bad as them, it means you are taking back your power.

I once made the mistake of confronting bad neighbours the day I moved into a property. Not a good idea, never could shake the anxiety of bumping into them after that.

I agree with a few people but especially the ” Do you know how I am ?’ routine and possibly the well aimed TVs.

Also I think it’s probably a good idea to get the twillies adn doodles to exert some power. Let them have a very loud slumber party or get them to try to befreind the yobs/hang around their friends undersupervision of course. and piss them off. No glathering of morons would appreciate the advances of people their age. Fight fire with fire.

Hi Steven,I can’t believe anyone would tell you to chill about this; it seems we all have horrific neighbour stories – and sometimes you just can’t take it lying down! God I thought mine was bad! It was actually. In the last hellhole I lived in, I moved onto the third floor of a building where the guy below me did nothing all day and night but SMOKE on his balcony. The smoke rose, it came into my window (next to my bed) it came in through my balcony and it came IN THROUGH THE SHARED heating/air conditioning ducts. It permeated my whole apartment. I must be allergic to copious amounts of smoke because my throat started to close up, I couldn’t breathe, and moved to my mom’s. I literally had no recourse but to get my doctor to write the owner a note (regarding my really shitty sinuses), force the owners to break my lease and abandon the apartment. The smoke permeated my furniture – everything smelled like f-ing smoke. I have literally been scarred by this experience. I can’t believe one human being can smoke that much. It was ALL I could do NOT to wish terrible things on him. Like nk, I wanted to KILL this bastard.

Anyway, B. Bon seems to have culminated the best advice on here. Many places have rules about bar-b-ques on the balconies, noise and disturbing other people. Check to see what YOUR rights are. Maybe you could get a doctor to write a note that um, someone in the family has terrible allergies/sinus problems (I really do have them and the smoke just about killed me) and the smoke has become a medical issue.

I sooooo feel for you because I went through the same hell. I’m really, really sorry and I hope and pray you can resolve this issue. I didn’t want to move either but I had to – and I was only one person. Having to uproot your whole family because a bunch of inconsiderate morons moved in beneath you is not right.

Please let us know what happens. And hey seriously, if it all goes bad, and you get their #, I know where I can get a phone card cheap and call them day and night so they can’t sleep. Hee.

they just moved in. its new year / holiday period. course they’re gonna have some parties. things will probably settle down. if not, go down and act friendly, offer them some acid and ask if they wanna see your shotgun…

omg, this is one of the funniest things I’ve ever read in my life. I mean, not your situation, but your eloquence and humor in description is first-rate. If I lived in AUS I would totally be there tomorrow and bust their door in, I swear. Then you wouldn’t have the moral dilemma to worry about dear old SK. Besides, I think since you have a family to worry about you avoid the crotchety old man problem if you do something.

When this situation comesa round again, please remember that you are in a better place than most people in this kind of situation. You yourself have lots more to offer than many of us more “common” folk and you obviously have a lot of people who care about you and who can offer lots of advice and perspective to mull over before deciding what to do.

Speaking of perspective, right now I happen to live in a country where, everyday, I have to live with that kind of shite (essentially, where people are doing all sorts of things I don’t want them to do and which annoys the shit out of me.) From my perspective, it’s really really hard to deal with living in this dicso-ghetto-oversexed-hell. There is literally nowhere to escape. Case in point: x-mas parade, 6 hours long, our apartment located at the exact spot where all of the country’s high school marching bands stop to play their x-mas songs. Can you imagine 20 minute jams of “Jingle Bells” on xylophones and marching band drums? I could swear some kids didn’t even know what song they were supposed to be playing. This kind of thing happens all of the time here. Where in the world is Anna Miranda? I don’t want to say because, beleiving in the law of dependent origination as I do, I know it’s not this country that sucks, it’s just my opinion because I expect and want something else and I clash with people who think, breathe, live, dance, fuck differently than I do and we all have to live in the same place, shop in the same stores and drive on the same streets. It’s complicated, but I know there is a larger picture that I try not to lose sight of because in this larger picture I understand that nothing, no event, arises from out of the blue without you having some hand in creating it and especially what happens from there. I won’t let this place bring out the vulgar barbarian in me cos I want to live in this place, leave this place, live in this world and leave this world knowing that I played all the roles (ie, the annoyed and the annoyer) with some awareness and dignity and composure. So don’t do anything you will regret!

ps-Although I don’t often leave a comment, your blog is one of the very few nuggets of sanity I look forward to everyday. It really doesn’t matter what you write about, just as long as you do.

i can think of two options.Firstly, march down stairs, tell them who you are and insist that they errect a shrine to the person responsible for the australian anthem “Under the Milky Way” and that all future gatherings should be pray humble at said shrine. Quietly of course.Otherwise, call the cops!

Oh man, I feel your pain! I had been living in a nice quiet building for a couple years when this 20 year old garbage man moved in next door. Never heard a sound through the walls until then. Then every day doof doof doof (loud, so he could hear it in the shower), shouted moronic conversation,… It was absolute misery. I read all the time, and am a writer by profession, so my place is pretty quiet. Could never get anything done. We ended up breaking the lease, paying a penalty and moving out.

Had a similar problem living in a tiny hovel with paper thin walls in Tokyo. That time it was 24 hour video game marathons. I wasn’t able to move, so began a war of attrition. You know, in such cases victory is simply a matter of who is willing to go farther. I tired pounding on the door to speak to him, but he would never answer. I lay awake at night listening to those stupid blips and bleeps (which I could hear even with ear plugs) and plotted intricate multi-layered symphonies of revenge.

I smeared brown shoe polish on his bicycle seat, and poked holes in it so the rain would sop out and soak his ass. I squirted bleach on the laundry on his balcony. At one point I thought I could get into his room through an attic hatchway, and I began to collect mosquitos in a jar. I wanted to sneak into his room when he was out and loose hundreds of mosquitos to torment him at night – and replace the shampoo with peroxide and other assorted bonuses. I had also planned to subscribe to subversive political newsletters in his name, in the hopes he’d end up on some watchlist and be whisked away by black cars in the night, but my girlfriend wouldn’t help translate the letters. At times like that you really find out who your friends are.

If you’re launching out on a war of attrition, know that the Lord of All Deserts is on your side. And when it comes to such plots, my wrath is somewhat legendary.

ryan

– ps – that’s hilarious about the pipe smoking Bumper, great image 🙂

– pps – shall I book a ticket to australia? little do the yobbos know that you can unleash the power of the blogge – several of us were on the point of politely choking the concert talkers unconscious, just think what the fate of inconsiderate neighbours would be – Dante had a hell for such people

Oh, I forgot the best part about that guy in Tokyo. My final revenge. I finished my job and packed the last of my things, and my apartment was to sit empty for a couple days until the new tenant arrived (it was company owned). It was the weekend, and I knew that my nemesis would be off, spending the whole weekend at home because who could be friends with a sod like that?

Anyway, the night that I left, around 10pm, I cranked up the TV as loud as it would go (these are one-room apts), locked the door, and pushed the keys through the slot. Then I turned to his door and squirted his lock full of crazy glue. The mechanism by which the key opens the lock connects to the knob on the other side, its the only way to open it. I wonder what he thought when he realized that he was glued into his room for the weekend.

Judging by all the comments, there are a lot of people that care about you. It’s a shame one of them didn’t move in below. Do you live in a flat type thing? I always imagined you in a house. Still though, I think you should move. To Melbourne that is. It’s more affordable than Sydney, that’s for sure.

Ive never had the guts to actually do this to the bogans who party on over the fence, but -in the early morning- you should put some dog poo in a paper bag (dunno how) place it on their front door step and light it.

i think you should crank something like the who sell out really early in the morning, if you can, sometime. and maybe put a note on their door when they are crashed saying “what comes around goes around”? sorry, but they deserve it. they’ve more than a few times disrupted your life, so you owe them.

I live in a college town.Fourth best party school in the U.S. of A.You wanna kill the little buggers, but the bbon’s reasoned approach is the best. Calling the police on their noise repeatedly might encourage them to party and bar-b-que at someone else’s house.

Haven’t we all had neighbours like that? I guess you should follow the B.Bon’s wise advice (although it may be frustrating). Happy to see baby bumper makes you forget those a-holes for a while. Good luck (and lots of patience).

oh thats awful, i don’t really know what to say, there’s nothing worse than the smell of dead meat, beer induced banality and that awful music, i guess you could always use magick. hope it all works out man, over the northern beaches we are much more considerate neighbours.love your sonic attack strategy though.

Baby Bumper… what a classic image. Enough to lift your mood and shift attention off of ‘fully sick wid da sub woofa, doof doof’. What’s there address, I’ll send em some Anthrax… I’ve seen a paper bag/poo trick done. All depends on how much you put in!! (the fuller the better:)

People like thus don’t respond to reason. If they were capable of that they wouldn’t be doing it in the first place.

If they are having to answer the door to the cops all the time they will just get sick of it and either give up or move.

I had the displeasure of living next door to a bar manager and a not very good musician. They had friends over from midnight till 4am every night from Monday to Friday. Sat night was their quiet night and Sunday night was the night she’d have in with the girls (accompanied by much giggly screaming and discussions about hair and sunglasses).

Then, at one in the morning she would become hysterical that he was not home from the gig and start screaming into her mobile. Then he would come home and they’d scream at each other.

One night I screamed at them to shut up, so the next night they took meth and stayed up all night making owl noises (oh the height of wit) and calling me an f’ing c, slamming doors, pounding through the house, turning on the cheap drum machine on his cheap keyboard (narcissistic musician didn’t even have a stereo!!!).

I should have just called the cops, but thought they’d wake up and feel embarrassed.

But no, it was a campaign. I could no longer enter my house without taking abuse. If they saw me walking to the bathroom, they would yell at me to wipe my arse. It was horrendous.

I moved out. I let them win, but hey, they’ve got each other and so I think they’re probably the losers.

the gods of renting are probably saying the same thing – how do we get you to move to that great place around the corner or down the beach? sydney is full of fabulous real estate, just imagine what you’d like and it will appear, believe me

as a long term renter of countless dwellings i reckon that when you rent there is no reason to accept accommodation that is not fabulous

I feel for you, Steve. I live very close to a very large (approx 52,000 students) college campus in a city that is absolutely mad for it’s college football team. There is a house full of students right next door. Last night the national championship bowl game was played and I was dreading the partying. Luckily the team was thoroughly trounced which seems to have plunged the whole city into shocked silence. I don’t think I’ve ever heard it so quiet here!

I think B.Bon’s given lots of good advice — ask nicely first and document everything. You should be able to at least ask that they keep the noise down and to reasonable hours, prevent their guests from pissing outside, and that they move the bbq. I wouldn’t comment to them on what they are cooking as I suspect that would just make them more intent on making sure you smell it and hear loads more such stupid comments. Keep it to “the smoke and fumes from the lighter fluid makes us ill — especially my daughters with medical issues” (makes you not a grumpy old man, but a concerned papa). Good luck with it. Hope they calm down soon.

I’m going to miss the Kelly and her hapless boyfriend stories though. I have to admit I loved those.

Loved the image of Scarlet! I bet she was utterly adorable! I’m laughing just thinking about it.

Also have to add my thanks for the email card. I’ve always really liked the SP with Vishnu painting. 🙂

Talk to them when they are hungover as their defences will be down and try to evoke some compassion. They will listen if you explain that they are doing damage. I honestly do not think that starting a full blown war is the right way to go. No peace in war.

I mean I have occasionally made some really bad noise in my house but I did apologize afterwards.

I don’t know how bad it really is but maybe some thick carpets could help if nothing else.

SK you are not alone ! Believe me…I am a young lady who lives alone, and I like to keep myself to myself. (work hard etc…no wild parties)But my neighbours are a couple of bullys and are trying to make my life a living hell ! (he is a skinhead who will shout at me, for using the access, to my property !) I have now had to go to see a solicitor to try to sort the situation out, and am still awaiting a peaceful outcome.

If all else fails I will pay good money to take him out !! All offers welcome ;-}

Cecilia! LOL I’d be rockin’ to Gimme Shelter too, go baby bumper rockchick, its Gimme Shelter! Times like that sk I used to wish i had a video camera. And on the song, who’d thought it would still be as relevant today as ever.

Sorry about the neighbours from hell sk. I have no neighbours for miles but have been there too. No wonder you headed down the coast for a while. Yeah, best to face them when they’re sober though I like the glue in the keyhole idea Ryan!

ps email and pic very much appreciated sk

pss i was extremely lucky and privileged to get to hear the new EMS album everyone and it is absolutely glorious. Thats all Im saying and I cant give away too much except to say its some of the MOST BEAUTIFUL music ever recorded … and yeah, im hanging out for a new solo album too but until then this one is not too far away.

By the way kilbey brothers, must be nearly time for another kilbeycast hey? You could do a verbal rundown on some of the ipod stuff?

if i could get to oz,i promise i could sort your problem in one night!(thanks for the vote of confidence Frank)however as i can’t, ‘ed in fl’s idea sounds good,but of course failing that,i’m sure someone in your position must know a few gangster/heavy types you could send round to put the frighteners on! should do the trick

Steve, I hope this awful situation settles for you and your family very soon. The young yobbo and yobettes may be freshly out of home and unaware of etiquette rules in order to happily co-exist. Try to say calm and reason with them if at all possible (I know it is easy to say). I really believe war is not the way. If you get their backs up it will only get worse. You need to approach them when they are quiet and sober and explain how you feel. Tell them you have a young family that needs sleep. I like the smoke detector idea. You could also say that a member of the family is allergic to the smoke and gets very bad headaches and would they mind setting up the barbeque further away. I wouldn’t mention that meat is offensive to you as they may start barbequing all their meat.

As for peeing on you wall? Well, that is a difficult one to bring up as, how do you control drunk guys at a party? Could your girls see them urinating? You could mention that your family saw people urinating and that you did not want your young girls exposed to that.

Hopefully they will not have parties too often. I would discuss the structure of the building and the thin floorboards being a big problem. If you cannot reason with them, then you will have to resort to ringing the police if they keep partying all night, this will hopefully work. Complaining in writing to your managing agent is also a must, they need to be informed if this situation persists.

I used to think I lived in a nice area but in the last 12 months i’ve lost counts of the nights i’ve been kept awake by drunken idiots shouting and cackling at all hours. Still my frequently urine soaked front garden seems to be flourishing !!

I believe in creative and intricate ballets of revenge, but have never stooped to bodily harm, and have never initiated such a campaign without having been repeatedly wronged, and without having exhausted more peaceful means. But when the gloves have to come off, I intend to be the only one left standing, and I insist on an element of poetry in the plot.

All of my above suggestions were of course meant as an SK plan of last resort. If you should need to go to extremes, try this: somehow obtain a photo of the yobbos in question and manufacture a “Wanted: $10,000 Reward for the Capture Of” poster, then circulate copies in your local biker bar. I’ve never had to resort to this, only read about it… Nasty business.

I hope those unscrupulous record company vampires are reading this thread. They should be quaking in their glass and plastic towers.

The day he moved out of his apartment, he took me to the basement of the building. He pointed to the switch on the circuit breaker that controlled the power to that mother-fucker’s room. I threw the switch and we ran. I jumped in the car and off we went. It was so awesome.

I wouldn’t try to solve the neighbor issue by responding with louder music. Why reward bad neighbors with a free concert? They’ll just get it in their head that loud music really is accepted around there.

I’ve been cursed with many crappy neighbors over the years here. Solved some problems by attaching to their doors authentic-looking notices from the rental office that I printed up listing some rental rules and saying that further infractions would not be tolerated. My last run-in with bad neighbors was similar to what you’re experiencing. It even involved frequent stops by the police. Eventually, I was even getting verbally assaulted if I opened my front door to investigate incidents. It culminated one evening past midnight when the soused guys were frantically talking outside about what to do with a drunken girl that had passed out in their bathtub – hospital or take her home. Well, I had been recording audio of their antics from my doorway for several days. The next day my rental office got an official letter of complaint, accompanied by an audio cassette. They were evicted that week.

If you write a letter to the landlord, emphasize your kids and the negative effects it’s having on them.

Florida coast, 2005: the neighbors are Polish construction workers (ain’t nothing wrong with any of that). They’re pounding away with the Euro-disco at 2, 3 am (def. something wrong with that). I let it fester for 9 months; got in a screamin’ match; split with my girl of 5 years and left town.

Oh, that’s not helpful. Apologies.

I am your dream neighbor, though. Just need to figure out a way to pay the rent. What’s Bondi got for an American who’s ready to get the hell outta here?