Updates from Frederick Smith, former Detroiter living in Los Angeles, and author of Play It Forward (January 2015), Right Side of the Wrong Bed (December 2007), and Down For Whatever (July 2005).
www.FrederickLSmith.com

Thursday, April 28, 2005

You're From California If...

I cracked at Alabama earlier. A friend from San Francisco shared this with me... not my jokes... but a forward. Thought I'd share.So as not to be outdone by all the redneck, hillbilly, and Texan jokes, you know you're from California if: 1. Your coworker has 8 body piercing's and none are visible. 2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house. 3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English. 4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower. 5. You can't remember . . . . is pot illegal? 6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor. 7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian. 8. You can't remember . . is pot illegal? 9. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears. 10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S. 11. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney. 12. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment. 13. You can't remember . . . .is pot illegal? 14. It is barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH." 15. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cells or pagers. 16. It is barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.17. HEY!!!! Is pot illegal???? 18. Both you AND your dog have therapists. 19. The Terminator is your governor. 20. If you drive illegally, they take your driver's license. If you're here illegally, they want to give you one but not really.21. Police car chases interrupt your afternoon and prime time television viewing... and newscasters give you the play-by-play like it's a sports match.22. You can go for days without seeing or interacting with someone who's white.23. You consider the mall the same as a babysitter.24. Your idea of getting chubby is a woman's size 6 and a man's size 32.

25. When you see celebrities, it's no big deal.

26. Your doctor finds a way to bill your insurance company for veneers, botox, whitening, and other body/face surgical enhancements as procedures that are medically necessary.