stories of hope in a post-fairy tale world

The Wonder Woman of MY Week: My BFF

by Lana on August 3, 2011

I was about to start singing the praises of a famous woman in history when I realized, deep down, I wasn’t feeling it. I know, I know. All you writers are yelling at me, do it anyways! But it wasn’t that I ‘wasn’t feeling it’ about writing, just that I didn’t want to write about famous people; just someone I am privileged to know.

That’s my BFF.

Those of you not in the texting age, BFF = ‘best friend forever.’

Yeah, it sounds kinda… kitsch. Or cheesy. And, it is. But there’s really no other term that encompasses this kind of person for us.

Who do you turn to when your road takes a hairpin curve?

This week may not have had too many hairpin curves for me – I have redefined what is a ‘true’ hardship in the last few years – but I admit, it was really not a happy week. Oh, the sun is out. My kids are happy. There’s so many things to be thankful for, as there almost always is. BUT it was just one of those days, that lasted eight whole days, where I thought… really? Was all this really supposed to happen to me?

It was another stretch of time where I realized that there’s no ‘off’ switch for life, unfortunately. There’s no place I can go and say, ‘this isn’t what I ordered.’ In fact, I think this is one of the dangers of the faith-based life: when we believe in a higher power that cares about us and listens to us, we think we can go to them and say, ‘yup, sorry, this movie’s not for me. Not making me happy enough. I need a refund. Or an exchange. Or just – fix it.’

Yeah, it doesn’t really work like that. I’m all for prayer, I’m all for asking for help from above and from those around you when you need it. But when it comes right down to it, we’re given things to deal with. And some of us seem to have more to deal with than others.

But as my BFF said to me this week, there’s no use comparing hardship. That just makes us decide what is and what isn’t worth being upset over and then those who are upset over things we’ve deemed invalid just wonder how crazy they must be, because saying, ‘I shouldn’t be upset about this,’ rarely makes it all just disappear.

But sometimes, whether your problem is ‘big’ or ‘small,’ we all just have to dig in and deal with it. And, when you’ve moved out of the “you’ve got to be#$(*#$& kidding me,” phase to the “well, today wasn’t so bad,” stage, then you can start to think about how this dreaded thing may eventually help you when its all said and done.

Here’s the thing: I defy any of us to do that kind of thing without a BFF.

Think about it. There’s got to be a season or two that your person-you’d-choose-to-be-related-to pushed or pulled you through (all while handing you chocolate and peanut butter apples in between the tears and rants). Pause for a moment and think about that person. Why are they your best friend? And if they’re not anymore, why aren’t they? Because maybe you need to call them. Maybe they need to know you realize there’s no way on earth you’d have made it through that ‘thing’ without them.

And when you’re all done with that, leave me a comment and tell me why you love them. You can tell me who it is, or not. Whatever you feel comfortable with.I just think we could all use a little ‘life’s-ok-if-we-have-our-BFF’ boost today.

And if you’re all okay with it, I’d like to shed some light on the woman-who’s-not-my-mother that’s boosted me through the last seventeen years.

I won’t tell you her name. After all, its not her blog. But I will tell you it rhymes with my name. And I will tell you that we got teased about that, oh a few thousand million times in high school. Yes, I met my BFF in high school. The circumstances of our meeting will remain secret, for reasons only she will understand. But let’s just say that I didn’t expect to be her friend. Why? One: she’s kind of one of those ridiculous, is she a real live person? kinds of beautiful. And two: I didn’t expect us to have that much in common.

But, then came the spring of 1994. Vancouverites: what happened then? Hmmm. Canuck fans? Anyone? Well, turns out we both were a little Canuck-obsessed. Nothing’s changed on that front these past 17 years; these past playoffs would not have been survivable without our little facebook rants after each and every game. In fact, we both consider that the worst part of Game 7 was that we were separated by a province that night.

Ok, not the worst part. But the worst part of handling the other worst parts.

But, back to 1994. Turns out this woman I didn’t think I’d understand liked the same TV, movies, and books as me. Alright, I admit. I’m not that into Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman (sorry, J. I’ll leave that as all yours.) And I don’t know that she loved Dawson’s Creek, or Lost like I did. But that’s ok. The important ones were all there.

And then it turned out that we both are stubbornly, my heels are so far down in the ground you’re not dragging me out with a crowbar kind of loyal.

Those are three pretty decent things to have in a BFF.

Don’t take these kinds of relationships for granted, guys. How many people do I know who can just look at me and tell what kind of day I’m having? In the ‘new normal’ I’ve established with leukemia, some days are great and other days are awful. And I can’t always tell which kind is coming. But my friend came to visit not too long ago and said, ‘you don’t seem yourself.’ And I woke up the next morning feeling like a truck ran over me. That’s perception. Or maybe it’s just knowing me that well.

And who else has been there through the things I don’t care to mention to the rest of the world? The things I wish I’d never done, thought, said, or almost said?

But my BFF’s crowning moment was actually in the week leading up to my wedding. Flown in from out of province, she swept into my parent’s house and made a incoherent mess into a cohesive family unit. While my dad recovered from pancreatic cancer surgery in the hospital, my maid of honour buzzed around and made sure I wasn’t thinking about anything except laughing, getting things done, and being happy, for crying out loud! It was a wedding, she said! It’s a good thing! She told the people who were making me shaky that it was ‘time to leave now;’ she brought me tea, cookies, and Pride & Prejudice when I was teary; and greatest of all: she sat me down after my rehearsal dinner meltdown, heard the things I didn’t even have the courage to tell my almost-husband yet, and told me which of those panic-inducing thoughts was just absolute garbage. She was definite when I couldn’t be. And, she was right. Thank goodness, she was right.

Some days I’d wondered, what happens when you don’t see your BFF every day? What if they live out of province, out of state, out of country? Will someone take their place?

Maybe.

But not for me.

I could keep bragging about my favorite lady, but I’d rather hear about your-better-than-Steel-Magnolias-life-long-playmate. Pull out your favorite story of your best friend for life – even if you don’t see them anymore – and tell me how they earned that title.

Those of you with the best story will get a shout-out on my Friday’s Pick-of-the-Week post, so…

I would have to write a novel to give all the reasons my BFF is the best ever, but suffice it to say she has gone through adolescence with me and is still my friend! The test of a true friend is surviving distance and still remaining as close as sisters. She has walked with me through the highs and lows of life, and given me words of wisdom and encouragement. I can tell her anything and know that she won’t judge me and will keep it in her vault of secrets. When I wonder if I’m making too big a deal of something, she lets me talk it out and helps me see if it’s worth the energy. Best of all, she always knows how to make me smile 🙂