Couple Waits For Soccer Fans To Clear Out After Game, Bangs On The Field

While reading this article about a couple having sexual intercourse on a soccer field after nearly everyone had cleared out of the stadium post-match, I learned that the technical term for a soccer field is a “pitch.” Didn’t know this until now. Soccer, so zany. Why can’t you call it a “field” like all the other outdoor sports on grass with sidelines call them? Why you gotta be so different, soccer, with your upward-counting game clocks and senseless “extra time” after the clock counts all the way up? What’s that all about, man? Why can’t you count down to zero? Boom, end of game. Everybody goes home. Does it make too much sense for you? Not whacky enough? Too traditional? Get over yourself, soccer. You’re the hipsters of sports.

Anyway, I’m happy to report something actually pretty exciting happened on a soccer field recently: a couple had sex on one.

As Manchester United and Chelsea so consummately proved at Old Trafford last night, goalless draws can be infuriatingly frustrating for those forced to sit through the tedium, and we can only imagine the 0-0 snoregasm between Brondby and Randers in the Danish Superliga on Sunday evening was even less entertaining.

Indeed, it seems the Brondby-Randers game was so dull that one particularly bored couple decided they had no other option than to have sex in the middle of the pitch immediately after the final whistle in the desperate hope of livening up their night a bit.

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Dillon Cheverere (@DCheverere) is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. He's a native Texan with a full head of hair and knows his way around a nice box of red wine. Dorn graduated (BBA) with a GPA sitting in the meaty part of the bell curve, not lagging behind, but not trying to show off, either. Golf is his game now. He's long off the tee but can't putt for shit. Email: dillon@grandex.co

I know I’ll hear it for this, but seriously, people who go out of their way to bash soccer are just ignorant. If you don’t like it, fair, but you don’t have to celebrate your point. I personally think that American football is boring as hell. The same 32 teams every year competing for the same 1 trophy every year? Stopping after every play? Isn’t actual action only about 8 minutes long over the course of a whole game? It sucks, and it bores me. But I don’t go out of my way to bash it. It doesn’t bother me that people like the NFL, I don’t think less of them. Soccer shouldn’t get over itself. People who think that hating something makes them cooler or more American should get over themselves. Also, soccer players overall nail the hottest women. So you can go call them pussies while you bang out your four. Meanwhile, Wayne Rooney, and ogre of a human being who literally looks like Shrek, nails out a hard 10 on a pile of cash.

English, just spent a year at UW-Madison, gotta say American football is boring as fuck, until you add in the stupid amount of booze and how overexcited an entire town can get every weekend. I don’t remember any of the games I went to cos I was black out drunk for four hours, which would never happen at a rugby match (which, by the way, is played on a pitch and counts up to and over 80 minutes, like all non-American sports).