‘The Bachelorette': This Is Becoming the Des and Brooks Show

This week on The Bachelorette, Des goes on four hometown dates and meets four incredibly sweet families who are all introduced to this mess. This is actually my favorite week because meeting the bachelors’ families is seriously fascinating. Nothing incredibly awkward happens other than Des proclaiming multiple times throughout the episode that she loves Brooks. I really hope The Bachelorette producers are building us up for some sort of dramatic turn of events, but I am sad to say it really looks like Des & Brooks will end up together and this season will most likely end with a sappy whimper.

Say goodbye to these.

Zak’s Hometown

[SPOILER] Alright, who’s going to go to Texas and find this man and pick up the pieces of his broken heart? Des ends up sending him home in the rose ceremony this week, totally throwing the man for a loop… understandably! Des never expresses any doubt about Zak, and we could all speculate endlessly on the reasons she just “wasn’t feeing it” with him, but honestly — it’s just because she loves Brooks. Zak and his family are so loving and warm and happy, it’s impossible not to fall for all of them, even when his two (really good looking) siblings sing Des a song Zak wrote for her. I might’ve teared up; hey, I’m human! Then Zak gives Des a ring to hold on to show her where his heart is.

Also, his family owns a snowcone business and sometimes Zak dresses up like a penguin. You know, important things.

Is a furry convention in this penguin’s future?

Drew’s Hometown

There really is nothing more monotonous than Drew and Des together. I can almost hear God releasing a giant yawn of aching boredom every time these two are together because this is just not how the world was meant to be! Drew DOES have a touching backstory, so fine, that’s his one redeeming quality as a bachelor. His family was perfectly nice, and he and Des couldn’t stop kissing before she left his home in Arizona at the end of the date. Drew thinks it’s because Des was “returning his feelings” of love with her kisses, but we all know it’s just because Drew looks like a really amazing kisser.

Chris’ Hometown

This is by far the most awkward of all the hometown dates for a number of reasons. Chris first takes Des to a baseball field that looks like something out of a storybook, and the two hit some balls and run around the bases (and, thankfully, spare us from the easy puns and comparisons to love). Des finally sits Chris down and TOTALLY STEALS ZAK’S IDEA from last week and presents Chris with a sketchbook of all of the moments they had together on The Bachelorette.

For some reason this really makes me want to read the Berenstain Bears.

Someone on Twitter begs the pair not to subject America to anymore poetry, and somehow, we’re spared this week. Next, Des and Chris meet Chris’ family, who are kind of awkward. The mom can’t hold back her emotions, and the tears flow almost as easily as the wine. Plus, Chris’ dad offers Des a back adjustment in a really unnecessarily clinical and creepy moment. Not only is it quacky, this guy has his hands all over his son’s potential wife. Just so many no’s.

Brooks’ Hometown

Even though Brooks has not yet expressed his love for her yet, Des is already very open about the fact that she loves him. What, really then, is the point of continuing this season on any longer? Well… advertising money. So the producers have to drum up some sort of drama so that we think something’s rotten in the state of Denmark (yes, I just used a Shakespeare quote in a Bachelorette recap, hitting a new low -_-).

Who’s hotter?

These two are clearly over the moon for one another; Brooks even looks like he’s close to tears in a few scenes at his parents’ home. The trailer for next week makes it look like Brooks could potentially break Des’ heart, but I have a feeling they will still end up together in the end.