Send me email updates about messages I've received on the site and the latest news from The CafeMom Team.
By signing up, you certify that you are female and accept the Terms of Service and have read the
Privacy Policy.

wth am I supposed to do?

Posted by Anonymous

27 Replies

I dropped out of high school.Started going to GED classes, ended up moving so I had to stop going.Got married and had my first child at 19.Had baby #2 when I was 21.I've always been a SAHM, I've only had 2 jobs at a gas station cooking in the deli & that was back when I was 17 & 18, with no kids - just DF.Now, 5 years later, I am 24 - my kids are almost 5 and 2 1/2. I'm a SAHM. One of my kids is possibly autistic (we've been to a few docs, and are doing some tesing), so I have to be here for the therapies all week long. I still have no GED.

DH and I are having problems. Apparently, I'm a bitch. I can't hold in my frustrations when he says things like "You're useless." & "Why would I want you, anyways?" & "You have no adult common sense. You are stupid. You couldn't make it on your own." I guess I just become some uberbitch that makes him want to leave. Makes him hate me more and more everytime. He is emotionally and mentally abusive towards me, I can't remember the last time he even said good job or way to go to me. I fail at just about everything I do, but I KNOW I'm a wonderful mom. I get no appreciation from him, yet here I am making sure he doesn't have to a damn thing when he gets home from working all day. Everything is done and clean, supper is cooked (and served to him).

We had one of those fights this morning. Over clothes - yeah. I guess when I got his pants out of the dryer, they were still a tad wet in the pocket crease. Okay, no problem, I'll go get you another pair. Well, that totally set him off, and it just escalated from there. He said that he won't be coming home after work. I know he will, we don't live near any family and we have hardly any friends. He doesn't go out drinking either, so I know he'll come home.

I guess what I'm getting at is: Were any of you able to leave a situation like this? Or when he left you, you were okay? What am I supposed to do? I have no money, I don't drive - nor do I have my license. I have no work ethic, no education. I also feel pretty stupid, just because all I do is take care of kids - I don't really remember much from school. I'm wicked fucking scared.

Please get yourself some education. Start slow with your GED then you will discover that you like the way you feel when you achieve this. It will make you want to do more. Don't allow anyone else to assign your self worth.

I bet once you start doing things to make yourself feel better your husband will open his eyes to what he has and things just might get better. And if it doesn't, you will be able to fend for yourself and your kids.

You are not stupid, you think you are because your asshole of a husband has belittled you so much that you think you are. He isn't a real man, a REAL man lifts you up and encourages you to excel in life. You are capable of so much, if you give yourself the permission to dream.

I'm sorry. not sure what to tell u,except figure out what u want and start a plan.if u want your license and ged find a way to get it then go from there and get a job save up money and leave if thats what u want.I sort of relate to u.I am 28 and a stay at home mom of 2. I do not have my license but i did graduate high school and the only thing i have ever done is babysit and i worked in a daycare once for 3wks. i want to get my license and work but i dont know when that will be.Good luck. u can message me or add me if u want.

honestly if i were you id start making exit plans. id look into online GED courses and get that taken care of first. id also start looking at apartment prices in the area. you can do with just a two bedroom right now with the ages of the kids and look for something that is in an area near public transportation that you can use until you get your drivers license. try to get it before you leave but he may stand in the way of that because right now that keeps you dependent on him. it sounds like he has insecurity issues pretty hard core. the lines of 'you suck' 'you are stupid' 'why would i or anyone else want you' are classic control lines meant to dampen your spirit and therefore make you less likely to leave and more likely to try harder for him. recognise that is what he is doing and judging by your post it seems to be working. don't let it. every time he says those things to you remember its because he is a weak ass scared little boy trapped in the body of a man. If he leaves you before you leave him then trot on down to get put on FS, housing assistance,WIC, and take him in for child support. there is no shame in using public assistance until you can fix your situation. GL

by Anonymous 2
on Jan. 10, 2013 at 8:12 AM

First off, you need to know that abuse is abuse. Whether it be mental, physical, or verbal. None of it is ok, and there are places to help.

Are there women's shelters near you? I would call around, call your local department of human services- they usually have advocates for abused women trying to get out of their situations.

Honestly, you just sound so beaten down that you have absolutely no self-confidence left. What about family or friends that you could turn to for some help while you get re-situated? You'd have to apply for assistance, that's what it's there for, til you get on your feet. You aren't stupid, you aren't worthless, so they first thing you need to do is change your mindset about that. You're going to have to take this one step at a time, and yes, it's going to be scary and hard, but NO ONE should be treated like that, and it's a horrible thing for your kids to see. You can do it. Praying for you, honey.

This does not sound like a healthy environment for you or your children. Unfortunately, if you do not have any family that can help you, I guess I would stay there and work on your GED either online or get the book at the library to study from so you can at least get your GED so you will have a better chance of finding employment. You may also want to get on the waiting list at your local HUD office and/or low income apartments. (AND, please double up on bc so you don't bring another child into this.)

Send me email updates about messages I've received on the site and the latest news from The CafeMom Team.
By signing up, you certify that you are female and accept the Terms of Service and have read the
Privacy Policy.