Throw a last-minute royal wedding party

By Eunice Esomonu, Nick Osborne, and Heather Hopp-Bruce

Let’s be honest: Most of us are not getting up at 7 a.m. on Saturday to watch the royal wedding. We might get up as early as 9, but only due to the high adorability levels of the couple. Either way, an alarm clock will not be employed.

But that shouldn’t dampen a casual royal-watcher’s celebratory spirit. This is an opportunity for fun, after all. Why not ditch the time difference and throw the party a few hours early?

1

Make your own headwear

Elaborate headwear (called “fascinators,” not “fasteners,” though fasteners are for sure involved) account for about 78 percent of royal wedding entertainment, so this is your first concern. Your guests should be required to wear one. Fascinators are technically decorations, not hats, and worn on the right or back of the head. They are also traditionally worn by women, but the Queen is not attending your party so do what you want.

Raid the Halloween box: Clip a wad of fake spider web to your hair, then stick things into it, like tiny plastic animals.

Raid the pantry: Wrap your hair into a tight side-bun (or man-bun) and pincushion it with a whole box of uncooked spaghetti. (Bonus: Wrap tin-foil balls around spaghetti ends for extra flair.)

Raid the closet: Locate your sweaty gym headband from when you were trying to lose weight in January. Pin feathers and flowers to it. (Bonus: Hot-glue the remnants of an unfinished craft project to it.)

Photo Credit: icon 54 from Noun Project

2

Serve easy food and beverages

You could spend a chunk of time on this amazing sticky toffee pudding pudding recipe, OR (recommended) have these food and drink options:

Buy pre-made sugar cookie dough. Use a star cookie cutter and cut the bottoms of the stars off. Voila! Crowns! You don’t have time to deal with frosting nonsense, but you could add a couple of those edible silver ball decoration things.

Not a cook? Buy sugar cookies and use frosting to decorate with the British flag, tiaras, etc.

On the salty side, Worcester sauce (a.k.a. Worcestershire) flavored potato chips are allegedly popular on the other side of the pond. So no. Regular chips are fine. We have limits.

Beverages

Hot Toddy: Bourbon, honey, water, lemon juice. To taste.

Beer, of course. Any ale or stout will do.

Tea

Photo Credit: Juraj Sedlák from Noun Project

3

Adopt an accent

Just picture James Bond and repeat the following sentences:

"The hounds are calling, Sylvia!"

"What on earth are you doing?" (WOT on earth...)

"Sir Thomas Brady of Foxborough didn't have a care in the world."

"My editor is completely bloody mental."

Challenge: Don’t let your faux English accent slide into Southern, Boston, Irish, or Australian before your second Toddy.

4

Act out the wedding

Rather than watch the royal wedding, have one of your own. Throw the following character list into a hat and have guests draw roles:

Characters:

Prince Harry, the ginger groom

Meghan Markle, the American

Prince William, the man who would be king

Kate Middleton, quite proper

The Queen, not to be trifled with

Assorted cousins, with aggressive headwear

Falstaff, for Shakespearean effect

Wedding crasher, self-explanatory

Photo Credit: Deemak Daksina from Noun Project

5

Have fun

Buried beneath all the formality and tradition, this event brings joy (or at least blessed distraction) to people worldwide. Celebrate this wedding, and the idea of weddings, and the idea of not-weddings. Celebrate the fact that traditions as entertaining as fascinators exist. Celebrate what it means that a person of color will be a member of the British royal family. Celebrate the fact that most of us are neither famous nor royal and can have silly last-minute parties free of mass-media scrutiny. And celebrate that this is the last royal wedding takeover of our social media accounts for a long, long time.