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Good bye thread.

So I got arrested again for a warrant for missing a court appearance I didnt even know I had. I had been arrested 2 months ago and I stayed in a few days then paid the rest of what they wanted from me and I thought that was the end of it. I was arrested while working and the 2 cops went to my bosses boss and made some complaints about me(no I didnt antagonize the cops, my policy is to say nothing except answer the basic questions). My boss would never fire me because I am a great employee but no such luck with her boss. So I am down to my last 50 bucks. I actually wanst even scheduled to work today but I took someones shift so I could try and make rent payment. Car was towed. Cant afford to get it out. Its in need of a lot of repair I cant afford anyways. At this point I am ready ready to admit defeat and hang myself. I am not sure I have the balls to do it or that anything in my apartment can hold my weight like that. Even if I chicken out I will be homeless in a few days. Might be able to stay here till the 15th as rent isnt technically due till the 5th. I am going to try and enjoy my time left and watch some Braves games, would be nice to go out on a win. If I go into homelessness I am sure I will die on the streets. I have some mental illnesses and I dont want to become the crazy homeless guy. I always thought I would just become a criminal if it came to this point but I dont even know how and its just not in me. If I go homeless my phone should be cut off by that point so it would be good bye anyways even I dont hang myself.

I just wanted to let you guys know what happened to me. I know I have posted with some of you for many years. I am sorry to any I have offended or been an ass to. I like to argue, always wanted to be a lawyer. I am content with my decision. I dont fear death. I just want to die as painlessly as possible. I know whats on the other side. Nothing. I still hate the Yankees. Still hate cops. I dont understand how the cops that arrested me could be so happy about my misery. I dont blame them for arresting me but GD they dont have to be so happy and cheerful about it. If I cant be free to live my life how I want then I might as well be dead. "Give me Liberty of give me Death". Its actually illegal to kill myself. I dont even have the right to choose when and how to die. So consider this my final act of protest. I dont want anyones pity, I'm sure this is all my fault. I do believe in personal responsibility. I might be able to get some kind of government assistance but I would rather die than live off other people.

Ok people, I have been talked off the proverbial ledge. And I have serious doubts about anything on my ceiling being strong enough to hold my weight. I appreciate everyone support. Many people have offered to help financially but its important to me to make it on my own or fail on my own. Most of my childhood I was told I would never make it on my own.

Now if I can interject a bit of humor in this thread. Ser Alister here sums up about how I was feeling.

If it's real - take a few days to think... no good decision is ever made when you're at your lowest (or highest) point. Let us know if we can help

We think alike. I was asking myself the same question when I was contemplating making a post. Theres a large part of me that thinks I was only posting it to get people to give me money. Another reason I dont want anyone to give me money.

Life is ****ty at times. I've had depression issues myself lately, but it's never worth taking. Mainly because the optimism factor. Worst thing IMO you can do is take away your life when you can contribute positively to others. For me the realization is I may not be able to cut it in NH anymore. There's not enough for me to be doing and I can't be alone with my thughts, they're crazy. Also the realization that my parents are getting older, I'd like to spend more time with them, but there's a thousand other reasons not to leave. Life isn't easy. But if you do your best, you can get ahead.

What I don't get, is why would cops go to your bosses boss and make complaints? I can see your boss deciding to let you go for being arrested if it's a company policy, but what do the cops get by complaining about you? It won't help you pay fines or anything?

Anyway you'll get through this, part of the joys of being alive is you get another chance everyday you wake up.

AJ does all the other things just as well if not better than Mac - zbhargrove

Hang in there Caj, it will get better. There's an old proverb something like 'it's always darkest before the dawn', meaning of course darkest being the lowest ebb, but the dawn will make things brighter. Hope things get brighter for you soon, meanwhile stay the course bro.