Metal In My Life

I have been a devoted fan to metal in general for over 2 years, and since I began have explored the depths of many genres, my most favored relating to black/pagan/viking/folk metal.

I have not had much experience, but try to absord as much knowledge about each of the bands and what they and their music represent every day. I am constantly on some type of forum/chatroom as well as file sharing at once. One of my problems is that I am never satisfied, either with my music collection, or really anything tying closely to my life.

I started out, about 12 years old, listening to the most brutal music I could find, so I was really into death metal/grind. As time went on I eventually opened up to almost all of the metal genres. It hasn't been more than a year that I've had a strong interest and desire for black metal... I've explored all types of subgroups/subgenres within the underground, wanting to learn everything I can of course. At the same time, My interests in philosophy began to rise, and I discovered ANUS. I had previously drawn the conlusion of being an atheist, no more or less, but the concept of nihilism and misanthopy suddenly struck me.

I feel like I am constantly trying to keep up with my knowledge, trying to avoid my constant confusion and trying to keep thoughts straight. I always hear of a new concept of philosophy every day, and I look it up on Wikipedia and try to understand it. I am also trying to actually LISTEN to all of this music, rather than just researching and storing information that I soon easily forget. As I am being drawn into the minority of actual thinkers in the mainstream population of the world, taking topics of philosophy very seriously, I am constantly being drawn back into the mainstream ignorant world I came out of...

The majority of my time is spent on school, unfortunately, considering that most of the subject I am forced to study do not interest me. I am interested, however, in my basic civilizations class and our current study of the Russian Revolution, and the concepts of Marxism and Pure Communism that are all so new to me. It is all difficult to grasp, even though I feel forced by my parents and teachers to succeed, which under my standards is very above the average studen'ts potential. I am struggling by fighting against the grind of society, debating with myself, as it is difficult to find a worth while debate in reality, as whether or not the life I live at school everyday, following my routine as everybody else, is really the smartest idea to follow. I don't have time after school to listen to Radio NIHIL; I must concentrate on homework which I can not even put in a decent motivation towards doing. The more and more I ask myself these questions, the more less straightforward and confused I cause myself to be.

I am constantly engulfed in a society of pop-radio, fashion statements, cliques, trends, expectations from parents, and the typical high school life. My point that I'm basically trying to get across is that I want to involve more of the things I enjoy in my life rather than having to deal with classes I am not interested in, or parents that are frustrating and difficult to argue with, and basically a setting I currently feel trapped in. Adding philosophy, metal and neo-classical sub-culture, Norse/Greek Mythology and culture, things that I have an interest in, yet am still not motivated to excel in, I almost feel I have no influence on. If it weren't for computers, I doubt I would have as much knowledge or respect for metal and philosophy as it is. Ancient philosophers obviously used other tools as resources for their thoughts, and I'm sure I could as well, but the influence that my society has on me is hard to go against.

I am out of thoughts, I'm sure there is much more for me to say to further clearly state my questions, and I'm sorry that my mind slowly draws blanks at this point. But overall, I hoped that some of you might have an understanding of the way I feel. Take to thought, I am 14 years old, having been an atheist since 12, metal fan since 12, and more recently drawn into stronger thoughts of philosophy in the past few months. I look forward to hearing your thoughts, whether you understand what I am saying or not.

Sorry for the organization, I'm sure my thoughts were really all over the place. I'll end it here; I'm sure you've spent plenty of time reading this.

Im not sure what authority I have to give you advice as I am not much older than you and thus my experiences of the world is rather limited. It comes as a fact that we must interact with and take part in modern society because in the end it will always act upon us, "one must act, or be acted upon". So I don't see any sense in escaping from it permanently, not that you were thinking of that. Perhaps one could detract the purpose of such trivial tasks in which one does not have any desire to be part of and build upon it. What i mean by this is, per say in Geography you are learning about Global Warming. This is a term coined by modern society but noone is actually doing anything substantial to rectify it. This is frustrating as you want to be more involved but dont have the influence or political power to do so. However you could yourself research methods of renewable energy, recycling, self-sustainability and then apply them to everyday living to make as small of a footprint as possible. By thinking this way, you are more involved in your boring learning and actually get something out of it.

Hope that helps and isn't too obvious, i know there are just some subjects that you really cant extend on or help... such as the SAY SORRY CAMPAIGN for Aboriginals.. in Australian history.

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chrstphrbnntt

Trying to overflow yourself with knowledge and culture will just cloud your perception. You speak incoherently because you are surrounding yourself with a whirlwind of ideas that you half-comprehend, which, combined with the pressures of an apparently difficult school, leads to a lack of direction.

Take your learning slowly; spend extensive amounts of time on single subjects. Don't think that you have to be a philosopher by the time you graduate high school to establish meaning in your existence. Learn about useful things that you can apply to your life. Instead of using every ounce of spare time trying to become Nietzsche Jr., study an idea or two a month and spend time with your family, friends, and natural environment.

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Dunkelheit

The only advice I have to give is to relax and not take high school so seriously. Don't completely slack off and fail out of classes, but there's no reason to constantly study and obsess over getting the highest grade possible. Compared to most 14 year olds these days you are very mature and are somewhat on the right path. You need to learn how to forget about everything and just relax for a bit, though. This can be damaging if overdone, but everyone needs rest and recreation.

Ignore the idiotic pop-mentalities of fashion and consumerism. Choose your friends wisely. You'd also probably benefit from not being on forums and p2p programs all day. You've discovered some good music, so just relax now and thoroughly listen to it. You also shouldn't be concerned with debating other people, this usually leads nowhere. Debating yourself has some merits but can really break you down. Really you should be focused on experiencing and analyzing the world around you.

Most of all though, have fun with your friends, get out of the house and spend some time in the wilderness, break the law (at your age there aren't many consequences). Just go out there and do something that doesn't have to do with school or the moronic trends of your peers. Don't be so obsessed with attaining vast amounts of knowledge either, its a long complicated process where you will continually re-evaluate your beliefs and thoughts.

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Divus_de_Mortuus

I wish I was where you are mentally at 14 years old. High school was hell and I found it impossible. I dropped out as soon as I could, immediately went and passed the GED test (scoring the highest marks that year in the district and earning a one year college scholarship) and was in college before people my age were even done with high school. I was in International Relations 101 while my former classmates were still dicking around with prom, cliques, gossip and other empty social rites of passages that weren't the least bit interesting to me at heart. And I can assure, that felt good.

While I wouldn't recommend dropping out, as sometimes I feel a diploma would have in the long run suited me better, I can tell you, there are other paths. I wasn't nearly as equipped as you seem to be at that age.

My philosophy teacher once said "you cannot play the piano if you have not learnt your theory". I can guess that Mathematics is not your favorite subject in class, but in fact, it is the most important course if you want to develop good thinking skills and therefore, understand the music and philosophy you listen and read.

Yet I think you solved your problem yourself. You said "If it weren't for computers, I doubt I would have as much knowledge or respect for metal and philosophy as it is. Ancient philosophers obviously used other tools as resources for their thoughts, and I'm sure I could as well, but the influence that my society has on me is hard to go against." Stop downloading enormous amounts of music for a while. It may not appear so, but compulsive downloading is, in fact, the same as buying tons of useless crap.

Go to the library, it's far more appropriate than Wikipedia for philosophy. But more importantly, philosophy is not only found in philosophy books written by philosophers... read literature! I read you lack time, but I finished my High School and never felt like I did not have enough time to read some Kafka and Maupassant on the side. Perhaps you should relax and find yourself instead of downloading black metal absurdities.

Read Aristotle's Nicomachean Ethics, if you haven't already, it will teach you about balance needed in life, don't try to do many things at the same time, relax and plan your time, you have a whole life ahead of you and there is no need to rush anything.

Also, don't immerse and exaust yourself totally in one thing, you must also find time for recreation (i.e. sports) which is very important as well.

As for the music, don't listen to too many bands at once, listen the great ones only and don't spend too much time listening only to metal, try some neoclassical and ambient music as well.

As for the school, the best way to resist its sometimes dumbening effect (for me at least), was reading phantasy literature (R.E. Howard, Lovecraft and Tolkien) which will enrich your imagination and provide perhaps an inspiration fo some creative hobby (for me it was drawing).

There are plenty of good things, to see, read and listen, take your time and enjoy life, I took me a while to stop bitching and start doing something constructive, don't make the same mistake.

Quick note: Trying to stuff your head full of abstract theoretical knowledge without having concrete experience to apply it to may result in you having a lot of two-dimensional, over-abstract perspectives on things.

It is often important to learn by doing. You may wish to exploit your youth towards this end.

Quick note: Trying to stuff your head full of abstract theoretical knowledge without having concrete experience to apply it to may result in you having a lot of two-dimensional, over-abstract perspectives on things.

It is often important to learn by doing. You may wish to exploit your youth towards this end.

I agree, but perhaps not in the same way as you're intending.

After a year of reading this site and reading books on philosophy and related things I figured I was pretty knowledgeable (not even). But I never truly started to grasp that knowledge on a useful basis until I started to interact more in society.

I think it has been my experiences with people within a non-internet / non-stuck in my room reading environment over the last year so that has turned my knowledge into the beginnings of "wisdom."

Even if it seems that these experiences have little to do with what some of this reading is about.

Your situation is a mirror image of mine right now, except I just had my birthday last week so I'm 15 now.

Anyhow, all I can say is: don't spend precious time prematurely learning advanced philosophical ideas and, for your own sake, don't stay on the internet for too long. I've felt very confused and awkward for the past few months just as you have because I've been cramming so much new information into my brain at one time.

Like others have said, listen to only the major heavy metal bands, branch out into classical music, read fantasy literature, do creative activities, and hang out with friends (something I need to do more often), and most importantly: relax.

Rhadamanthus, you seem very sensible for a 14 year old. I know how it feels to be attuned to certain things at a young age while at the same time feeling trapped in the mediocrity of your surroundings. The best advice I can give you is not to worry too much about wrapping your head around all kinds of philosophical concepts at such a young age. The most important thing is just to keep your critical faculties in check and stay open to engaging yourself with ideas that challenge your conception of the way things are. Too many people shut off their critical faculties and intellectual curiosity at a young age and go through life not questioning any of the grounds for their cherished beliefs. Your intellectual curiosity is admirable given your age and your surroundings, but I think that once you go to college (if you actually do go to college) you will really be able to intellectually flourish. That was my experience and I think I probably had a lot of the same worries when I was your age.

You're trying to understand way too many things at once. I can only do that sort of thing now because I don't have any of the stupid worries that I had when I was in high school, so my mind is sort of "cleared", if you will, and I can handle engaging a lot of complex ideas in a short amount of time. Enjoy your youth (you'll miss it when it's gone) and engage yourself with philosophy and literature in small amounts, giving yourself enough time to really absorb what you're reading.