Justin Bieber admits he took a DNA test to see if that baby is actually his. Angelina Jolie is into some kinky stuff. Britney Spears has a hard, hard life. Howard Stern thinks he and America both have talent. Wednesday's gossip is on the 4:07 to New Haven.

Justin Bieber told David Letterman that he took a DNA test to prove whether or not he is the father of Mariah Yeater's baby, like she claims. He said that he doesn't think he is, because his sperm doesn't even work yet. Actually he told Dave: "I smell a rat." Yeater (who is related to Splinter and may possibly smell like an actual rat) is still convinced that the Biebs is the babe's daddy, and will produce DNA from her child to see if the baby matches the "Baby" singer. Looks like we'll get to know the truth for real. Oh, and if you're talking to your younger female cousins about this at Thanksgiving, it is best for your safety if you just tell that that Mariah Yeater is a lying whore that should die. In fact, offer to drive them by her house and throw rocks at her. That is the only acceptable answer. [TMZ, TMZ, Image via AP]

Angelina Jolie is talking to 60 Minutes on Sunday and she has some startling revelations. Not that she is always forgetting to eat but that she is nasty in the sack with her husband, Werther's Original. Sorry, I mean Brad Pitt. "I'm still a bad girl. I still have that side of me. It's just in its place now. ... It belongs to Brad." Shit, what does that mean? Do they have a safe word? Is that where he came up with the name for Moneyball? Are they into some really kinky shit? Do you think he likes to get pegged? He totally likes to get pegged. Man, Brad Pitt is nasty! Angie also talks about how she's lucky that she didn't die young and whatnot. Boring. I want to hear more about pegging! [People]

The hardest part of Britney Spears' day, she says, is working out. Aw, Britney Spears has it really tough. And here I thought the hardest part of her day was waking up to the existential dread that she is an empty vessel for pop songs, designer clothes, and choreography that employs hundreds of people and she can't stop now because she is a flesh and bone singing automaton. She's a human Furby. Guess that's not as rough as I thought. It's so rough "trying to get up and go work out in the morning. I haven't worked out in, like, two weeks. Sometimes it's hard to be motivated." That's not life, Britney, that's the Thorazine. Anyway her boyfriend is supposedly engagement ring shopping. Looks like someone wants to cash in on the wedding photos! And wait until she has to fit into her dress. More workouts, more dread, more tough tough life of Britney Spears. [Stylist, Radar Online, image via WENN]

Howard Stern really wants to be a judge on America's Got Talent and they really want him to replace the empty judging slot left when Piers Morgan went to CNN to do his best Larry King impersonation, but there's one problem: He wants the show to move to New York. Stern doesn't want to quit his radio show, but the production doesn't want to move to New York mostly because it doesn't want to upset co-hosts Sharon Osbourne and Howie Mandel. This is sweet because it is the first time that Howie Mandel's feelings have been considered in a very long time. But then another source says they'd love to move to New York, so who knows what's really going on. This whole thing seems like a really sad back-and-forth, sort of like taking a germaphobe to a swingers' club. [Page Six]

The world's tastiest ginger snap, Prince Harry, was flirting with a hot waitress when he was partying in Las Vegas this weekend. There is even video of him hitting on her. Oh, you silly people. That's not flirting. He's asking her where he can find me! Can't you see? We're destined to be together. [TMZ]

Jack Wagner was reunited with a daughter he didn't even know he had. That's funny, I totally forgot that we even have a Jack Wagner! [TMZ]

It looks like CNBC is like some of the crumbling economies it covers and is having cash flow problems. Supposedly the network is cutting back on its travel expenses and ambitious journalistic plans because they're having a budget shortage. If even the people covering the hobos are hobos then there is no hope for any of us hobos. [Page Six]

Bee Gees singer Robin Gibb is being treated for liver cancer and he does not look good. It saddens me that, when all of the Bee Gees die there will inevitably be a tidal wave of "Stayin' Alive" jokes, so I thought I'd just get mine out there nice and early. There you go. [RadarOnline]

Former Iraq soldier and current soap star J.R. Martinez won the Dancing with the Stars trophy last night. You will need to know this to have a conversation with your aunt at Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. No, we have no clue who this guy is either. Yes, that probably does not make him a "star," but do not question his legitimacy. He is a veteran with a scar on his face, and if you say, "Big whoop" out loud your right wing uncle will take you outside, point his gun at you, and tell you that you are a terrorist who hates America, so just say, "Congratulations." Still, feel free to side with you sister and say that Rob Kardashian was robbed (get it?!) or with your gay uncle that Ricki Lake totally deserved it. That bitch invented the cockroach! Diplomacy is the name of the game. [People]

Courtney Love is looking for a personal assistant and is paying $80K-$100K for the job. Don't do it. Don't. Do not become Courtney's assistant. She is a crazy person. That is an actual medical diagnosis. I don't care how many times you listened to Live Through This in high school, the first time she has a "tampon emergency" you are going to hate your fucking life. [Gatecrasher]