amsterdam

I got in yesterday at about 5:30pm [Irish time], and I’ve only just gotten time to write this up now.

I got the weird [and horrible] feeling when I was going around Dublin yesterday…that nothing has changed. A rope swing is still wrapped around one of the lamp posts on the road, the same kids are running around, the same type of people are still walking around the shops.

Then I got hit with the sudden urge to flee. for the first time in my life, I don’t want to be here, and even as I write this, I still don’t want to be here.

The freedom and experiences of being away are amazing and then to come back to the same street, the same people doing the same old thing…I want to go away again.

It’s having so much freedom to do whatever you want, to just come home and be smacked in the face with the same faces, the same routine, the same story and the same old questions…it’s like my head is being plunged back under water- I’m already starting to feel confined and I’m not even here for 24 hours yet.

I love my family, and it’s why I love Ireland, and why I love living here. If I could bring them all with me, I would be travelling the world non-stop.

But cannot wait to go home!! To see all my family and friends, and to give my doggy a big huge hug when I get through the door.

The plans are to go for a walk before getting something yummy to eat for dinner.

They want me to come into work in the morning, but I may just leave from home- because I’ll be stressing out and unable to think straight, let alone work!! This is my first time travelling by myself. The plan is to get some writing done on the 1-hour plane journey.

Getting butterflies in my tummy at the thought of seeing everyone. Cant believe it’s been 5 weeks!! It flew in!

I’m dying to sleep in my own comfy bed, and not to have mice and be able to go wherever I want because I wont get lost.

I haven’t been missing home, I haven’t once been wishing I was at home. But ever since the beginning of this week [by beginning I mean Sunday] I’ve been getting all giddy with the thought of going back home, of seeing my mammy for the first time in 5 weeks. She sent me a lovely text today saying: It feels like a lifetime, but’s its only been five weeks, can’t wait to see you.

I cannot wait to go home to Bruce, and to see his happy face when I come through the door. He’s been crying all through the night since I’ve been gone, and hasn’t gone back to his normal self…don’t worry, the troublesome duo will be back soon!

I’m dying for my own bed, and to just wake up and not to be covered in sweat, and with the back of my neck to be drenched in my own moisture because of the heath during the night.

I cannot wait to be able to sleep through the night and not be woken up by the sound of mice, or to constantly think that a piece of chocolate is something else entirely.

To be able to go wherever I want, whenever I want. Over here, I don’t know where anything is or how to get to anywhere, and there’s nowhere exciting to go to. I miss Dublin. I miss being able to go where my heart desires, and not having to worry about getting lost.

Proper Food!! Oh…my…god. How much I miss normal and good food. I devoured a large plate of mash potato today after going 5 weeks without having it. Do you guys know how good mash potato is?? It’s like velvet goodness and soooo yummy, I would happily just had it for breakfast, dinner and tea today. That is one thing I’m looking forward to- proper meals- and a COOKER. I miss having a cooker, I’ve been living off large bowls of cereal in the morning to just be able to make it through the day.

I’m really bad at keeping this going, but I’ve been kept busy with work. Studying like crazy for a Youtube Certificate [first round is this Thursday] that I haven’t even gotten the chance to touch my novels, and haven’t done anything tourist-y yet.

I had a lovely catch-up with my baby Bruce…I didn’t think he was going to even hear me let along stare straight at the camera at me. I think I completely confused him because when my brother-in-law came through the front door while I was still on the phone and Bruce went crazy thinking it was me…. Sorry baby. Miss him like crazy. Sad to say, I miss him more than my family.

Nothing major to write about, the only thing I’ve done since my last update is that I did go to the sex museum on Sunday. I did find it interesting and a little weird at the same time, but it mostly just weirded me out. Then I spent a little bit of money buying a Guess wallet for myself…it’s soooo pretty!! I couldn’t say no.

My sis also got back the wedding photos and she sent them over to me to have a look at. I was going to post one of me onto this post, but I don’t think she’d appreciate. So I’ll just let you know that they’re fab! People keeping saying that my pics look like they’re straight from a magazine spread [without realising who they were looking at]. The power of professional make-up and good photographers is astounding!!

Now, getting back to studying while I have a free house and hopefully can clear up some time tonight to finally get back to my books which I have abandoned since coming over here. 🙁

Sorry that I havent updated you guys in over a week!!! But I think it’s fitting to start this Amsterdam recap with a photo from the same day last week… The photo above was taken last Saturday while playing poker with the guys in the park and drinking wine [it’s legal over here to drink outside]. This was before going out that night. First week in Amsterdam, I think it was only fitting I went out! But I’m doubting I’ll do the same this week… just too many creeps, I got kissed out-of-the-blue by some guy, and just yesterday a man walked straight in front of me, stared at my chest and said hi.

My twin sent me an update on what was happening…he took over my room. He also sent me pic of my dog’s face every time he asks him ‘where’s Sarah?’ Poor Bruce, still missing him and cannot wait to get home and get to see his face and bring him on a realy long walk.

My sis also got home during the week from her honeymoon. I was updated of her return home with this pic….

Then, for the first time being here, had a FaceTime chat with them and my mam. I was surprised that I didn’t get upset or homesick. Maybe because they’re only an hour away and if I really really wanted to get home or something happened, I would be with them in no-time.

We went on a trop on one of the canals yesterday morning with a speaker… it was so cool and pretty, I kept getting distracted with the scenery.

I had an anxiety attack yesterday, completely out-of-the-blue. We were doing presentations and usually I’m fine, I stand up and do it, but sitting there and my vision started to go, and my blood pressure plummeted. I knew what it was the second it happened, which didn’t help and had to go to the toilet where I burst into tears while my whole body shook uncontrollably…I’d rather get sick than have one of those attacks. Just horrible. The girls were cool with it, and I can do my presentation on Monday instead.

Because I felt like shit on what happened, I forced myself to go to a football game….

I did enjoy going out, but I still hate football and honestly just don’t get it…

Then came home, went to bed and woke up this morning. I hate two presentation to do on Monday and I’m going to be in charge of all the social channels for the whole of next week and I’m super excited about it!!!

We went out for a few drinks last night, I wasn’t sure I was going to go- even when I was already dressed and make-up on. I was till debating on going out…

It was soon clear why clubbing is a turn off for me.

We went to one bar, and I ended up dancing with some guy from LA, who asked if ‘I wanted to go up to his apartment’ which was above the club. I declined. He left, and then came back saying ‘I came back just for you.’ Sorry, dude. Not interested.

We went to a second bar, and another guy started dancing with me, and I don’t know if it was the drink or what, but we ended up kissing. The girl came back, yanked him off me, and started fighting with him saying that ‘we’re together’. That didn’t work, he wouldn’t leave me alone, even after I pushed him off stating that my girlfriend was right behind him.

He replied with:

Your lips are the best lips I’ve ever kissed.

Yea…

Noticing that he wasn’t leaving me alone, the two guys [who I only know a week] strolled in and started grinding up against him and flirting with him- not letting him around to me.

The night ends with them all pretended to be gay for me. The lot of us chatting about the Marriage referendum to people.

I’ve had a hangover all day. I ordered a pizza and ate a bag of Cheetos to myself. It’s half eight and I’m already showered and ready for bed.

There’s a reason why I don’t go clubbing. I hate the people that I attract.

Thank god it’s the weekend! Not that I’m loving work, but just to have the lie-in in the morning will just be wonderful! [may spend the majority of the day in bed]

The guys got Amsterdam-styled mushrooms [i didn’t, getting drunk for me is a push] and they’re going to the park tomorrow. I said I would go, but I’m not taking any and it’s more to laugh at them as their tripping [and also to keep them safe…of course].

I keep getting updates from home and the bonding-moments between Bruce and Stephen- going for walks, brushing etc etc. It’s soo sweet!! I keep being told that Bruce doesn’t have a clue what’s going on, goes into a big depression phase and doesn’t know what to do with himself…I miss him terribly too, the women took us one-by-one for a talk today, to see how we’re getting on and everything, and it really hit me that I miss my baby soo darn much. Sad to say, but that’s how it is.

The other thing that I’m finding really hard is all my ‘me time’. I’m lucky to get 20 mins to myself with a little 2-bedroom apartment with five other people.

I also miss my bestie. I’m not on the same wave-lenght as the other people around me. Don’t get me wrong, I love them and get along really well with them. But their sense of humour and the way they communicate is soo not what I’m use to. Again, I’m trying my best and I do really like the guys, they’re just too different from me. I knew this about myself before coming over, I get along better with a certain type of person- it’s the way I am, nothing bad or anything I can change. Just got to roll with it.

Going to try and get in touch with publishers and peeps tonight, and hopefully get some work done on book 2, as I haven’t touched it since coming here.

So, I’m a day late with this post. You’ll understand at the end why it’s late.

So, woke up on Wednesday morning to the story of the boys having a mouse in their room [they’re boys, you can imagine what their room is like] and there’s three in the one room… Yea, it stunk like men by the second day.

They had a mouse, and called it Maggy. They chased it around the room and tried to take photos, but unlike me, they could go back to sleep afterwards.

I got updates on Bruce… This is the photo of them trying to get him for his first walk without me, he’s totally confused. They only did it because he’s gotten all depressed. I warned them to go out with him everyday, but they don’t walk him so I was kinda expecting that they would slack off on the walking with their jobs and life going about. I miss him terribly.

We got lost last night going to a talk about Community Management, well- the phone with the map to the place died on us, and we ended up trying to look for it for nearly a whole 2 hours!! The canals all look the same and we were going in the completely wrong direction for ages!!

Got up extra early this morning as I’m missing my nice cup of coffee and headed to the Starbucks just down the road…

[Was it just me, but I didn’t know that ‘Sarah’ is the IRISHspelling of it, or was I misinformed?]

Well, I have to share something with you guys! While we were lost and aimlessly walking about, I did stumble across a Buick:

Isn’t it just gorgeous?! Even though we were rushing, I made sure I got a photo of it!

So, sitting here in the new office, it’s break time. Everyone is gone to the shops- I don’t know why I didn’t go, I just didn’t. So, I’m writing this on the downtime now.

I had the worst night’s sleep every—no rephrase that. I had the worst night ever last night. I DID NOT SLEEP.

We all went to bed at around 12:30…good, right.

Lauren [the other girl] fell asleep straight away- I knew by the loud snore she gave off as she rolled over. I still laid wide awake on my own bed…

I was too warm

[that’s me at 4:12am in the morning]

Not the nice warm – the taking the blanket off and just wear your light pjs warm- because that didn’t help. I still had sweat rolling down my back even without any blanket on and even with my super light pjs. I still do not know why I was so warm. I thought it was the room, as it doesnt have a window, but a balcony, so you can’t exactly open it up during the night. I took my bedsheets and my pillow, walked across the tiny landing and into the sitting room, where I tried to fall asleep on this sofa-bed hybrid thing in the room. It was still too warm. It turned 3am, and suddenly I saw heard scratching. I thought it was something I moved, but then I heard scurrying. I turned on my light and there it was….

A tiny little mouse scurrying about on the table in the room, all over the leftover empty packets of food and beer cans. I was petrified. I wrapped myself in a blanket burrito and sat there for the remainder of the night. I text everyone I knew to let them know and went onto Facebook to find out who was still up… turned out that my cousin was awake.

Talked to her for an hour, before she he’d to head to bed but it brought me to 4am. The heat was getting to me, and it pushed me to go to the window and sit on the black chair for the rest of the night. Watching as Amsterdam came to life, it was amazing.

I didn’t even wanted to go back to sleep, but forced myself to get back into bed…managed to grab [i think] at least an hour of shut-eye before I heard an alarm from the other room going off, and I sprung up like a spring-chicken and dashed for the shower before anyone got there before me.

Training was amazing. I really enjoyed today! We found out which platforms the people in the group were strong with and ones that they didn’t know how to work. I use most of them, so I already know the majority of what they were saying.

My bedroom!! The table with the blue bag on it is where I’m sitting typing this up! So cute!

It’s the second day in Amsterdam. The first day in work.

The first day of work, and we didn’t do anything. It was more of getting to know everyone and improv. The same kind of things I did in acting classes back in Ireland. Still felt completely awkward, but it was fun.

Two of the guys already bought hash, they only lasted a few hours in the city before we went walking and stumbled into a Hash Bar, where they bought €25 worth of it. I didn’t try any!! Haven’t tried any type of drug ever, so I’ll see how it goes…

At the end of the work day we went to the Volgrant Park, where we had a picnic with the girls who run Illuminata [the company who’s training us] and ourselves. Really sweet.

We went to the Red Light District though! And, sadly, it was such a bummer. It was soo tiny!! We walked around for a bit and then we headed to bar, had a drink and then one of the guys and I left to walk around a bit more. I went to the Red Light District, and guess what I bough? You’d think some raunchy sex garment or toy, right? Nope….my first ever box of macaroons!! So nice! I’m in love with them.

Some cool artwork we saw while walking around… Pretty neat, huh?

I did get slightly home-sick this morning. ALREADY!!! Probably because I miss my dog waking me up or just rolling over and seeing him lying on the ground. I miss Bruce something terrible, I didn’t think I was going to be so bad. My sis is sending me pics this morning of him on his bed. She’s also going on her honeymoon tomorrow morning. She was the worst to say goodbye to, because I’m not going to see her for at least another year!! 🙁

But the good part though is that we have WIFI in the apartment and the offices, so I can text and send photos to everyone without paying a penny!! I’m an hour behind home so when I get up at 8, my mam is up at 7, and when it’s midnight here, my dad is on lunch on his night-time job. So it works out pretty well.