Chemo

Let's just dig right in, shall we? The clinical trial is off and running and last week was the first in October I wasn't in Portland. I will be there next week and the week after, and then my schedule moves to an every-four-week-visit timing. This first month requires more travel because I'm getting 2 … Continue reading Clinical Trial Update

There's a part of Brené Brown's The Gifts of Imperfection that discusses the idea of expectation. How if you tell yourself you have ZERO expectations for name-your-thing, that you're not actually protecting yourself from disappointment or that you don't care. Instead, you're denying yourself the joy of the thing happening or the support if the … Continue reading Okay, so now what?

I started a PARP inhibitor about 8 weeks ago. The first week sucked, as my body adjusted to the new medication. This is still chemo after all, and while the side effects are far diminished compared to previous infusions, I spent the first week throwing up every morning. Once I got past that initial hurdle, … Continue reading PARP Progress & Anxiety

Much of why I started this thing three years (!!!) ago was to react. I was constantly reacting to information, updated news, lab tests, surgeries, hospital stays, and therapies. You know, basically freaking the fuck out about everything in my life being turned upside down. I've spent most of my life living in a reactive … Continue reading Intention

Yesterday's chemo was cancelled because my white blood cell count was too low. Yet another thing to add to the list of inconveniences caused by the addition of this new drug. However, it appears to be worth it because my CA-125 has dropped significantly! I'm down from 1348 to 160. (Friendly reminder that a normal … Continue reading The Latest – October Edition

I learned on Tuesday that the CT showed disease activity. The nurse wouldn't (couldn't) tell me more so I had to wait until a Friday afternoon phone call to find out just exactly what was going on. The long and short of it is this: the Doxil isn't working on its own. My CA-125 is … Continue reading CT results & upcoming travel

There's this relationship tool called the "5 Love Languages" -- you can take a simple test to see what your love language is. I am overwhelmingly "Acts of Service" -- if you clean for me; you basically have my undying devotion. It's a fun way to understand how you show and want to receive love, … Continue reading Keep calm and keto on. Plus other things.

In two weeks, I know one thing: I don't know shit. That right there, is the nutshell of the hardest part of all of this (at least for me): the unknown. And with that comes the brain that won't shut up. How bad will I feel? When will that feeling start? Oh shit, here it … Continue reading Treatment Status Report

My appointment with my oncologist was moved to Wednesday and I didn't tell anyone (except Kenji) and for that I'm low-key grateful. The appointment left me in unfamiliar territory, something I was not expecting, nor really prepared for. By the way, before I get on with it, can we just laugh for a moment about … Continue reading The gray area that I didn’t know existed