The minutes are ticking away, friend, and with them your chance to buy one of two New England lighthouses currently for sale and live in it, like an old retired sea captain or a pirate's ghost. What the hell are you waiting for?

The United States government is right at this very moment auctioning off two lighthouses: Saybrook Breakwater in Connecticut and the magnificent Graves Island lighthouse, which towers more than 110 feet and sits on a rocky 10-acre patch of land nine miles off the coast of Boston. As if the lighthouses themselves aren't beautiful enough, you don't even have to know how to operate them, according to Meta Cushing, the US General Services Administration Employee to whom we spoke:

All are significant navigational aids to local mariners and will remain so. New owners are just buying the historic structure. [US Coast Guard] will continue to maintain the aids to navigation at each light.

The bidding for Graves Island, which ends early tomorrow morning, has reached more than $500,000. But Saybrook is being offered at the relatively low price of $205,000. They're not inexpensive, by any means, but nobody ever said whiling away your days amid the waves as if you were a wild and salty child of Neptune was cheap.

If you buy one of these lighthouses you will have out-Brooklyned Brooklyn. "Oh, you have a tattoo of a ship on your arm? A pirate mustache? Cool, I live in a fucking rusty, spooky lighthouse on a pile of rocks. Bye."