With the weight of likes versus dislikes hanging over every selfie you post, no nature-loving, man’s man wants to be caught in the great outdoors with chapped lips or dry hands. So instead of borrowing your ladies lip lube, try this stuff. It’s an all-purpose salve designed for the Swedish Military.

These natural beer soaps come in a six-pack. Funny,right? Except this stuff won’t make Cindy in accounting more attractive or drown out the sound of those annoying kids next door. It will however make you smell nice, with flavors like Apricot Wheat, Vanilla Porter and Honey Pilsner.

If you’ve been to prison or shower at the gym, you can see the logic of putting soap on a rope. This bar is from Kiehl’s, makers of the best in no-BS men’s grooming products. The “ultimate man” soap blends Bran & Oatmeal for an exfoliating, refreshing effect and no fear of the dreaded drop.

Do your skincare products contain toxins and known carcinogens? Since every ingredient is not listed you’ll never know; a great reason to try the good goods from Rebels Refinery. Their premium natural men’s products are made with no cancer-causing crap plus they donate a portion of their profits to prostate cancer research.

What makes this soap exclusively for men? Well, it’s not pink or shaped like a dolphin and it comes in scents like Beer and the naturally insect-repellent Camper’s formula. If that’s not manly enough for you try dropping it in the sand and then washing up with it.

If you view even the simple, hygienic act of grooming as a potential threat to your manhood, we found the soap for you. It’s a rough cut brick made in a soap factory that produced soap for soldiers in the Korean War. Is that manly enough for you? If you’re still nervous you can order the optional rope handle.

Here’s how simple guys are: call a product “Manly” and suddenly it looks better than any of its rivals. Maine-based natural soap maker Rocky Top knew exactly how to tap into that fear of fruitiness that pervades the male mind when shopping for grooming products.

Even if it takes a couple extra shots of espresso in your morning Joe to bring your tired ass to life, this face wash will at least wake up your face. Peppermint, ginseng, and menthol act like a good ol’ fashioned backhand from your mom, which you deserve. Now wake up!

Market research has revealed Americans are suckers for any product named after animals. This fact may or may not have anything to do with the naming of Bulldog Mens Skincare. They make natural grooming products of all types from manly moisturizers to fair-trade shave gels. If you’re trying to avoid those deep bull dog wrinkles, they even make an anti-aging cream. This stuff is definitely not tested on animals and their website gives a breakdown of every ingredient.