My first time subbing I had no control. Nor the second time. I was so lost in a state of ecstasy that I usurped the ultimate control that subs have. Were it not for the man I gave myself to, it wouldn't have worked.

Spanking is just like the baby step into that world. I think if you are truly ready and able to submit to someone, you are or may be a sub. Most people cannot submit on that level and fall somewhere in between.

I'm not really into it, however, I know someone who is into breath control and that is definitely something that requires enormous amounts of trust and a true sub and true dom to even attempt.

It may be true that it takes a good sub to make a great Dom(me), but I am not so sure about this. I mean, I think that dominance comes from within. I also think that each sub has their own needs and kinks, and a good Dom to one subbie might be a bad Dom to another sub.

I think that there is a myth that a Dom(me) just needs to fuck a person hard, or that a Dom just needs to bark orders. That's bullshyte. I think a Dom should try to please their sub(s) as much as the subs try to please their Dom. If the Dom has to guide and train the sub with a firm hand and occassionaly use discipline then that is an ideal Dom/sub relationship.

There are too many assholes who just fuck a hole hard and pass that off as training. There are too many subs willing to be abused by these assholes.

Gold Member

The right companion will bring out, encourage the tendancies that may lay hidden in all of us....at the end of the day a good sub will always achieve what he/she wants/needs. Personally am not into the extreme sadomasochism..it's a pain just to type the word. Like to play the dom part....but can switch...either way it is trust no matter what level you go too. Not a great deal of experience in this art for me. So i'm probably speaking thru my arse.

Gold Member

I can play both sides. But recently had a chance to really be a sub...like one of the previous posters said, I just got lost in the pleasure. It was one of the most amazing times I've ever had...and over way too soon.

I can play both sides. But recently had a chance to really be a sub...like one of the previous posters said, I just got lost in the pleasure. It was one of the most amazing times I've ever had...and over way too soon.

Gold Member

It may be true that it takes a good sub to make a great Dom(me), but I am not so sure about this. I mean, I think that dominance comes from within. I also think that each sub has their own needs and kinks, and a good Dom to one subbie might be a bad Dom to another sub.
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There are too many assholes who just fuck a hole hard and pass that off as training. There are too many subs willing to be abused by these assholes.

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Of course, Bbucko's statement was a super-simplification of a concept that makes complete sense.

There are many who disagree with me, but it's my own personal opinion that every Dom should be trained first as a sub, and every sub at some point should be trained as a Dom. There are aspects of either role which cannot be fully understood or appreciated unless experienced. I don't trust anyone who is willing to throw a flogger, but is unwilling to receive a flogging. I don't have much respect for someone who demands to receive a flogging, but has no appreciation for how much skill or stamina is required in giving a good flogging.

I've known too many "big-name" players in the BdSm world who claim, "I've never subbed for anyone, and I do not intend to." My advice to anyone who meets one of those is: Run away. Immediately.

Now, back to the spankings: no one activity is indicative. Some people are totally sub, some are totally Dom, some are switch for any activity, and some sub for spankings and Dom for bondage. It's very individual.

There are many who disagree with me, but it's my own personal opinion that every Dom should be trained first as a sub, and every sub at some point should be trained as a Dom.

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I know that I already stated this, but I believe that both Dominance and submission come from within. You can give a natural sub a flogger or a paddle, and teach them how to use it, but when they finally use it will they be assertive? Will they use a firm hand? Will they be confident? Will they be excited from controlling another person? Will they be aroused at seeing those cheeks turn red? Will all of this add to the intensity of the moment? I don't think so; It's just roleplay at that point -- half-hearted roleplay at that.

Besides, many subbies don't like the idea of their Dom(me) ever being a sub or having any submissive tendancies at all. It bursts their bubble.

As for Doms, I believe that if you teach a sub to be a Dom then you teach them to become a brat. As you probably know, DC, a brat is a sub that starts to take back some control and "feel their oats." A sub should never be allowed to cross that line.

I don't have much respect for someone who demands to receive a flogging, but has no appreciation for how much skill or stamina is required in giving a good flogging.

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Pshaw.... I respect a plumber who comes to my house and unclugs the half pound of toilet paper that a girl flushed down my toilet (why do they do that??) but I don't need to have been a plumber to have this respect or admiration. I can stand back and appreciate the skill of any craft.

Gold Member

a submissive is unsure by nature.
a dominant is authoritive by nature.
now controlling these attributes makes a good dom or a good sub.

i do not dom the world, and being mean and agressive is not "dominance"
in my opinion "true dominance" is the art of persuasion.
i do not flog her because she hates it,i persuade her to want it by technique.

Spanking is just like the baby step into that world. I think if you are truly ready and able to submit to someone, you are or may be a sub. Most people cannot submit on that level and fall somewhere in between.I agree.

I'm not really into it, however, I know someone who is into breath control and that is definitely something that requires enormous amounts of trust and a true sub and true dom to even attempt.eta: changed wording

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Not sure what breath control is; but as an asthmatic I have to say it sounds frightening.

When I'm a Sub, I am perhaps what rec3000 refered as a "brat"(go figure).
I can be lost in the pleasure of being a sub but there are other times that
I need to punish my Dom and I climb inside myself and I simply don't react.
For me during this time, watching the Dom get fustrated, angry and trying everything he can to force me to react and failing is the most intense rush.
When In Dom, I choose subs that are very willful and have strong and robust minds.
They get told in the prelude that I'm out to break them, they get time to center themselves and set their will and mind against mine and then we play.
I never choose feeble-minded subs because breaking the broken is no fun at all.
My most robust sub to date has lasted for a hour under my special treatment before he broke down to a suitable level of abject crying and begging.(I was most impressed)
When I let him go and he had pulled himself together I could really tell he hated himself for breaking and hated himself for liking it.
Of course he had to come back and show me just how strong and determined he was not to break again, which of course lead to another humiliation, more inner conflict and more pleasure.