Courage Isn't Comfy. It's You Getting Stronger.

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It’s a verb that can be difficult for me. Allow sadness. Allow anger. Allow urges to come and go. Allow love. Allow yourself to receive.

Since developing a mindfulness practice and observing my thoughts, I sometimes don’t want to allow myself to be sad. I can see the sad thoughts running through my mind and I want to reframe them. I want to cheer myself up immediately. I want to get over it!!!, because I can see the lies I tell myself. I know my sadness is in my thinking. I’m tired of thinking.

I don’t want to allow self-pity or sadness. And yet, fighting against those thoughts or resisting them or immediately trying to cheer myself away from them only makes them more uncomfortable and raw. Russ Harris calls it “turning on the struggle switch.”

Stop the struggle. Allow sadness. Yes, you can.

You can relax. You can breathe. You can loosen your grip. You can allow.

In “The Little Book of Big Change,” Amy Johnson offers a snowglobe metaphor for allowing.

Snowglobe! Your brain is a snowglobe! When you’re caught up in anger or sadness, the snowglobe has been shaken. Snow everywhere. Can’t see the cute little figure in the middle.

When you want a snowglobe to settle down, you don’t keep shaking it. You watch it and do not rush it. You allow it to settle. It always goes back to normal.

Wayne Dyer once said, “Remember that your natural state is joy.” I love this. At the very least, your natural state will be rest and digest. Balance. Stillness.

Sometimes I don’t trust my brain to go back to joy or calm. Sometimes I don’t think those snowflakes will ever settle, because I’m watching them and freaking out. I’m watching them and feeling cold and alone. I’m watching them without faith or trust.

When you tense up or freak out about things, they feel worse. So allow yourself to relax. Allow yourself a time out. Allow your mind to settle. Allow yourself to believe that you will always, every time, be ok.

Gorgeous, monkey brained reader: Trust that your brain will calm. Have faith that your negative emotions will come and go. Notice how no feeling lasts forever. All thoughts are passing. Negative emotion doesn’t mean you’re making mistakes. It means you’re a human being with a human brain that feels all the feelings your whole life long.

Let the storms of your life pass through.

Loving you out there. Deep breath. Let go. Let it snow. XO

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Sometimes, when people ask me about two jobs – Which should I take? I ask, “What decision feels most like love?” I remember asking my friend Nick this question, and he almost did a full eye roll at me, and then he smiled when he found the answer in his mind.

What would love do?

What is the most loving choice you can make?

This past weekend, I met a teacher who talked about animal messengers. Not spirit animals – which I love discussing – but animal messengers. He said that animals are coming into our lives to give us messages.

Are you listening to animal messages? Are you doing a full eye roll at me yet?

I told this guy that a pair of doves like to sit on the telephone wires out in my backyard and coo. Whenever I sit outside to slow down and meditate or drink a cup of coffee or a glass of wine, there they are, sitting there, cooing.

Coo coo coo.

Chill out. Slow down. Listen. Relax. It’s going to be ok. You’re ok.

And then the guy reminded me, “You know, the dove is the symbol for peace.”

Ahhh.

Peace. What would peace say? It would say You’re ok. It would say Relax. It would say Open your heart, it’s full of love and it’s safe to love. You are loved. You are safe. Take your love to the world without expecting anything in return. Go in peace.

I needed that message. Do you?

Beautiful, gorgeous reader: What decision would you make from a place of love? What would peace say to you?

Loving you out there. Coo coo coo. Have the most loving, peace filled weekend.

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Do you ever wish that you could go back in the past and do something different and say something different and be a different version of you?

You can’t. And all that mental energy you are expending trying to wish the past were different will drain the life right out of you.

Did you lose? Did you fail? Did you make a mistake?

We all do. And you’re welcome to throw a hissy fit. My friends and my favorite hissy fit partners Merlot, PBR, Ben, and Jerry have all seen me throw massive, epic hissy fits. It doesn’t feel good to lose. I get it. I also know that I can blame everybody else for what went wrong, or I can be a learning loser.

We all like to win. America loves a winner.

I love a winner too. And yet to me, winners aren’t the people who always win, they are the people who always learn. Winners may discuss their problems, but then they put their energy and heart into the solutions. Winners believe the future is bright. Winners believe that we all can do amazing things. Winners believe they will find a better way. Winners believe that love is powerful and can produce miracles.

Winners take bad situations and learn as much as they possibly can.

Be a learning loser. Upset with your current situation? Learn a better way.

If you are a healthy, capable adult with an internet connection, you can get started today.

Read an article. Read a book. Listen to a podcast. Watch an instructional video on YouTube. Talk to people who have what you want. Ask your friends for help. Take responsibility for how you speak and behave. Take responsibility for your failures. Offer yourself time, compassion, and healing. Take all the time you need to grieve your failures and losses.

When you are ready, you can always learn a better way.

Gorgeous loser reader: We all lose. We all fail. We all don’t get everything we want. You can feel sorry for yourself and blame other people for your circumstances, or you can take responsibility for yourself and learn. You can get better. You can improve. You can trust and believe in a better future version of yourself that has already won.

Loving you out there. Be a learning loser. That way, you always win. XO

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Right above the put-in for our tubing stretch, there was a waterfall. Signs everywhere said, “Danger: Do not float over the waterfall.” But of course, people did.

My group of friends stood there and watched as bright plastic tubes and their passengers approached the waterfall. Do they have any idea how steep that is? We eagerly watched people go over. Some bobbled over the waterfall, struggled underwater, and emerged still in their tubes. Phew. Others projected over the waterfall and dumped out.

Oh boy, it is so fun to watch people fall. Scrambling. Swimming. Struggling.

Me, I hate falling. I’m so scared of it. Not only the physical feeling of losing control, but the potential embarrassment I could suffer. I try hard not to care what other people think, but I also try my very best to be good.

That’s right. I want to be really, really good at all the things.

And so, on this day, I efforted to be an awesome tuber and stay in my tube. I have some skill at reading rivers, and although the Pontneuf was moving quickly, I had faith I could be good at tubing.

On the first run, I got sucked into a hole and almost flipped. I paddle, paddle, paddled, and made it out. My heart raced. That was a close one. The next two times I ran the same stretch, I knew exactly the good lines to run and I was confident I wouldn’t flip.

See? I’m good at things. I learn quickly. And then, I take the safe route.

On the other hand, my friend Jon stood in front of the group at the put-in with a Modelo in his hand and a trucker hat on his head, threw his tube into the water, and happily jumped backwards into his seat.

Except, he didn’t land in his seat. He flipped over backwards, threw his beer into the air, and scrambled to recover his hat. Everybody helped him. Everybody also lost their minds with glee.

We all laughed at Jon. Loud belly laughs. In joy. In the sheer fun of watching his giant body flip and scramble and recover. JON laughed at Jon. That made it even better. We all laughed at Jon laughing at himself.

We loved watching Jon eat shit.

Later in the evening as we were getting ready for dinner, the favorite story of the day was Jon losing it in the Pontneuf river. Not just one time. Several times. Oh my gosh, people savored, did you see him? Wasn’t it so funny?

It really got me thinking about myself. About how badly I want to stay safe. About how I made a fun thing scary. About how I talk about being courageous and yet sometimes I am so scared to fail, I cry my eyes out just imagining it happening.

But what if my failures are helping others learn? What if my mistakes are teaching people a better way? What if my stumble gives people a laugh? What if my bravery and courage inspires others to take risks and ease up on themselves?

All of those things are so much better outcomes than me looking good and being good and getting things perfect.

I am afraid to fail. I am afraid to be embarrassed. I am afraid to be rejected. Those fears feel tight in my body and sad in my mind. Those fears are a choice I don’t have to keep repeating. I can choose courage instead.

Dear, struggling, swimming, scrambling reader: Maybe safety shouldn’t come first. Maybe joy should come first. Maybe life should come first. Maybe love should come first. Maybe you taking that risk and doing that thing and failing is going to be so good for you and so inspiring to others.

Thank you, Jon. I learned a lot from you that day.

Thank you for falling. And thank all of you out there who are taking risks and doing incredible things and living a passionate life and failing along the way.

You have no idea how much joy your imperfection inspires. You have no idea who is watching you and learning to be brave.

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A few years ago, I started a novel and then stalled on it. It caused me a lot of stress, because writing a novel had been a dream of mine for a long time. Then, after a life coach training with Brooke Castillo, I changed my thoughts and feelings about my novel.

I asked myself, “Why? Why do you even want to write this novel?”

The answer at the time was “Because I think I can make some people laugh, brighten their day, and help them escape a little bit into something fun. And even if it’s only a few people, that would be worth it.”

That answer felt good to me. That way of thinking lit a spark. It caused me to feel relieved. It eased the pressure.

And then, the words just flowed out of me. Consistently. With ease, every day. I quickly finished my novel. I was proud. I really liked it.

Then, a funny thing happened. I didn’t really care if anyone read it.

WHAT??? After all that time, after all that work, after all that stress, I didn’t care if people read it?

To be honest, I was happy that a few people read it. They liked it. It did make people laugh. Some thought it would be a shame if it wasn’t published. I don’t think it’s a shame. I honestly don’t care anymore. Why?

Because I wrote a novel… and guess what? The best part about writing the novel was writing the novel. The thoughts. The ideas. The walks around the neighborhood when the characters would talk to me. The plot twists I didn’t expect. The organic way in which the characters came to life and played with each other. The lessons the characters learned along the way. The satisfying jokes and metaphors and images. The way I saw myself braided into every character’s life in surprising, breathtaking, and beautiful ways.

The best part about writing a novel was writing a novel. I don’t look back at it and reread it. It’s on a shelf downstairs. I continue to enjoy writing every day.

WHAT??? Why don’t you share more of what you write?

Because the best part of writing is writing.

By the way, I’ve also run lots of short races, three half marathons, a trail half marathon, and a full marathon. And you know what?

The best part of running a race is running.

Don’t believe me? Pick a race date and train for a race. Race day will be fun, sure, but it will be nothing compared to the fun, pride, and satisfaction you will feel along the way. Waking up in the morning and running. Feeling your quads get stronger. Noticing how your abs hug in and support you. Witnessing the miles get easier. Overcoming the lies your mind tells you about limits and who you are. Achieving longer distances and eating buttery bagels and drinking cold Cokes. Laughing at your dirty legs while sharing a Coors Light with your friend after a good long slog.

The best part of your accomplishments is the journey.

UGGGGGHHHH

Gimme a break, I hear you say. The old “enjoy the journey” crap.

Exactly. What you really want is an enjoyable journey.

Are you on a journey now? Why not? Wouldn’t life be more fun?

Hey, boo! Write a few novels! Or do that new thing! Why? Only for the fun of it. For the flow of it. For the rhythm of it. For the inspiration of it. For the insights that flow from it. From the way you get stronger. From the way you surprise yourself. From the way you start to believe that you can do anything.

Gorgeous, dream-filled reader: When you achieve goals and realize dreams, the process creates an empowered you… which… SURPRISE!!! helps everyone around you and changes the whole world.

Who cares if you finish? Who cares if you publish? Who cares if you PR? Do it for all the growth and fun you’re going to have along the way.

My other favorite thing is when people say, “I mean, I don’t judge people…”

Ha! Yeah right!

Yes, you do. You are constantly judging everyone around you.

So what’s my point? Why am I bringing this up? Do I want to scare you and make you anxious and suggest that you never leave the house again?

HA HA HA! No way! I absolutely love you. So let’s tell the truth:

People are constantly judging you because they are humans and they have brains, and that is totally ok. It’s perfectly fine. It’s absolutely natural. It’s never going to stop. You can’t stop your brain’s judgements, and you sure as hell can’t control the brain of another human being.

Other people’s judgements are out of your control. I teach research-based tools and tips to help people be as persuasive as possible. I can teach you the best of all persuasion research, and you can study your audience as much as possible and then…

There’s going to be someone in the audience that hates you because you remind them of their ex-girlfriend. There’s going to be a short guy in the audience that hates tall women.

Are you ready to start getting plastic surgeries to be liked?

HA HA! See what I did there? I got all dramatic on you. Some of you aren’t going to like that. You’ll judge me. You’ll say I’m flip, crass, ridiculous, and insensitive.

Oh well!

Here I am writing a blog anyway. Even though people are judging me. Even though people might not like me. Even though people are going to disagree with me.

Would you like to experience total joy and bliss and complete freedom? Practice detaching yourself from other people’s opinions.

Or not. Go ahead and try to please everyone…

Tired yet?

Guess what? I have tried really hard to control other people’s opinions of me. I want everyone to like me and think I’m great. UGGGGGGGGGG…. It is so stressful and impossible and it keeps me from doing anything new or brave or interesting.

Fear of judgement keeps me and you small. Do you want to stay small? I don’t. I am not small. I am tall. And bigger than them all.

Wow! Channeled some Dr. Seuss!

What’s that? Has someone judged you lately? I’m sure they have. And yeah, even though it’s totally normal, it can really sting. I hear you. I’ve been there. I get upset. And then I calm down and think:

Hey Judgy-Pants: WHO ARE YOU? Do you love me and want the best for me? Are you inspiring and amazing? Are you smart and compassionate and kind? Are you successful? Are you Oprah Winfrey? Then WHY SHOULD I CARE WHAT YOU THINK???

Nope. Don’t.

Do you have to listen to what others say or follow their advice? No. Do you have to get upset about the totally human constant judgement and advising that people do? No. People get to say whatever they want.

And you get to be all like: Blah blah blahhhhhhhh! Words words words! Goodbye words! Float away! I’ve got a blog to write! I’ve got a dream to follow! I’ve got some really cool stuff to do!

Gorgeous, human, judgy-pants reader: The most important judge in your life is you. Decide to love yourself no matter what. If you have a higher power that is your judge, great! I guarantee they love you no matter what. Go with that.

Loving you out there! I’m banging the gavel! I am judging you!

YOU ARE AMAZING! YOU ARE BRAVE! YOU ARE NOT SMALL! YOU ARE TALL! DO THAT THING! GO AFTER THAT DREAM! XOX

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At the end of his yoga classes, one of my teachers, James, reads the quote above from the Desiderata. So much wisdom from the yogis in my life! I am loving it.

Hey, you! Do you have a wholesome discipline? Are you gentle with yourself and others? What happens to you when your motivation falters?

In these scenarios, what would you do?:

#1: You’re tired of making healthy meals. There are cookies in the cabinet.

#2: Your heart isn’t into exercising today. You could sleep in.

#3: You are exhausted and want to snap at your mother on the phone.

What would you do? Really? Let’s be honest: We’ve all eaten the cookies, slept in, and snapped at the people we love the most.

OMG!!! Control yourself! Create some structure!

HA HA HA. I heard that. You little rebel you. As soon as I told you what to do, you went, “NO! DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! SCREW YOU!!!”

That’s ok. The thing is, I want us to feel better. I want to feel better. We are all human and we falter… that’s ok. I would like to falter less often. How about you?

Are you ready to get disciplined?

Probably not, right? HA HA HA. Smart, independent, successful people like you hear “discipline” and lose their minds. You start thinking about control and authority and suffocation and weakness.

DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, GEORGI.

Ok! I won’t. Because I’m not talking about discipline from me or any other external source.

I’m talkin’ ‘bout YOU.

It’s craft day! Create your own discipline. Your wholesome discipline. Your discipline of being gentle with yourself and others. Your discipline of daily self-acceptance and self-care. Your discipline of making choices to behave and speak in the ways that will lead to a fabulous life of your imagining.

I offer myself compassion each day. Some days this is hard, yet it is my discipline.

I let myself experience negative emotions and I try to be curious about them and learn from them. Some days this is hard, yet it is my discipline.

I exercise to gain strength. Some days this is hard, yet it is my discipline.

I walk my dog around the neighborhood, look people in the eyes, and say hello to them. Some days this is hard, yet it is my discipline.

I write good things about my life in a journal. Some days this is hard, yet it is my discipline.

I relax and unplug from technology and unwind every day. Some days this is hard, especially the “unwinding” part!, yet it is my discipline.

The motivation to do the things above is not always there. The motivation to do the things above does not come from a school or a guru or an institution or a friend. The motivation to do the things above waxes and wanes dramatically in my life.

And yet, I want to keep those commitments to myself to create a good life. In difficult times, I know discipline always makes me feel better. Another one of my yoga teachers, John, posted the quote on the right on his social media. Yogi wisdom again. Even the best yogis are never always motivated. We are all gorgeously human after all.

Gorgeous, stubborn, strong willed reader: Don’t let other people or institutions or gurus tell you what to do with your life. It’s your life. But if you feel a lot of negative emotion or are acting out of control, maybe it’s time you developed some discipline.

Your discipline. Your wholesome discipline. You can do it.

Beyond that, be gentle with yourself. The universe is unfolding. Isn’t it beautiful? Aren’t you so beautiful?