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The Yellowhammer documents reveal that 10 plagues will be set upon the UK ‘in a reasonable worst case scenario’ for no-deal Brexit, including locusts, boils and much higher taxation for the impoverished.

PM Boris Johnson has denied about lying to the Queen about the suspension of Parliament. The Prime Minister has also denied lying about lying about lying to the Queen, “I think that’s right”, he muddled, “Cummings has just told me if we keep the depth of admissions on lying to an odd number, we should be OK”

Lincolnshire Fire and Rescue Service have axed Fireman Sam as their mascot, saying that the character was outdated and non inclusive. The character will instead be replaced by a writhing heap of human bodies.

The recent five week suspension of the UK Parliament is unlawful, Scotland’s highest civil court has ruled. And as the final endorser of the Government’s prorogation proposal, Her Majesty could be looking at a custodial sentence, once someone clever works out what laws have been broken, by whom and what the sentencing guidance should be.

The Brit has stated that the previous tenant built the foundations of the house and it was destined to fail but in his hands it will not falter. The European on the other hand has grown a little tired of it all and like the estate agency just wants it all to be over. But that does not mean he will back down without a fight.

A man claims he spent £30,000 of life savings to fight a £100 speeding fine. It is believed that every human being who read the story, rolled their eyes and muttered ‘This guy definitely voted to leave’.

Single-handedly having decided to lose his own majority in an attempt to force an election, now the MPs won’t let him have an election, and are looking forward to denying him everything he ever wanted now he’s reached the only achievement he’s ever really wanted

It is rumoured that in order to bypass the law (which, like most laws it is illegal to break) which demands they have to force an extension, he will propose a new law making illegality legal This frees up all kinds of new possibilities for the tories.

Sammy de Souza, a refugee from war torn Syria had arrived in London mid 2016 and was granted asylum. After three years of Brexit madness, he requested a visa to return home but was denied. Sammy had enough, deciding to take his chances and make a run for it.

“Extending Article 50 is the sensible thing to do, in order to fully address the backstop issue, take no-deal off the table and enable MEPs to have full access to duty free champagne for annual the Christmas run”