Friday, 3 February 2012

Piggy for Porking ~ J&D's Baconlube

I usually say that I hate flavoured lubes because usually flavoured lubes are rank fake berry cloying sugary liquid death. The only time my partner and myself have struck upon one that appealed to us both was the - sadly discontinued - cake flavoured versions, as they weren't quite so sickly. As a dedicated lover of bacon in all its forms, I was determined to give this a try as soon as I saw it was being released for real. Unfortunately, at the time it could only be bought from America with extortionate shipping costs. Lucky for me, Lovehoney have picked it up so that those of us on this side of the customs barrier can revel in the meaty debauchery that is J&D's Baconlube.

Bring on the rasher-flasher!

The bottle is simple with just a single sliver of bacon to make it stand out. I did find that the flip-top was a little stiff, as was the bottle itself when trying to squeeze some out - although this latter flaw actually works out well because it does have a tendency to flow out rather quickly so you don't want to squeeze too hard.

People had raved about the authentic smell so of course as soon as the seal was off I had to have a whiff. The initial smell wasn't all that strong but there was a definite aroma of bacony goodness. It smelled a little smoky but with a much smoother lighter note than the usual frying pan offerings. During use, as body heat and natural goo combined with it, the smell of freshly cooked bacon did become much stronger. It also clung to any toys I used with it, meaning they required a more intensive cleaning. Nothing was permanently baconised but they did need a bit of a scrub compared to normal.

Smell is second only to taste in all things bacon and here again I was surprised how mild it was. It was a lot sweeter than I'd imagined it would be. The main thought that came to mind was unsmoked bacon slathered in syrup: meaty and piggy but with that maple-sweetness instead of crackly saltiness. Despite a mild oily texture on the tongue, if a lot was applied it was less offensive to my palate than most un-flavoured lubes and certainly an improvement over the standard berries and cherries saccharine-fests. I don't think I'd actively seek to slather everything lickable in this but as a novelty it's enjoyable enough to want to bring out again.

As a lube I found it to be a lot thinner than most water-based lubes and it would start to get sticky after a few minutes. Wetting it refreshed it a little. I assume that's because it's intended for constant oral proximity so as long as you're keeping it wet it'll stay slick no bother.

It comes in a 57ml bottle, retailing at £9.99 from Lovehoney.co.uk, and that will last a while, especially as it's not really all that likely to be seeing nightly use. It's free from parabens, but does contain glycerin, which I assume is what caused me to find it a little uncomfortable if it dried: if I left it to dry in before washing I'd get a bit irritated, not a full-blown rash, but fairly itchy and uncomfortable. Even that faded after a few hours but it does seem like, for those who are quite sensitive like me, this isn't something to just rub in and leave. During use, and as long as I had a quick wash shortly after playing, there was no reaction whatsoever, so it isn't a problem while it's wet, and so I can continue to use it, just as long as I'm a little more careful. Speaking of careful, this isn't compatable with latex condoms, so safety first and go bareback invest in some latex-free condoms. Bit of a shame, since I'm more than happy with plain old cock-flavoured penis, and it's only the condom-flavour I'd be eager to mask. Alas, cruel fate!

Omnomnom!

Overall, it's not something I'd use every day either solo or with my (rather less enthusiastic) partner. But it is fun and fit for purpose so it will see some action when the meat-lust kicks in.

Pros

Definite conversation-starter;

A flavoured lube that I can taste without gagging.

Cons

Bit too thin and watery, and became tacky quickly without constantly lapping at it;

Should have been saltier and smokier, a bit less of the maple sweetness;

Rating:

A viable alternative the the sickly-sweet flavoured lubes, but for functionality there's plenty better out there. Novelty, delicious delicious novelty!

3.5 sexy-chick glasses out of 5

This lube was provided to me free of charge by Lovehoney in exchange for a fair review. I have received no payment and my opinions have not been influenced or altered in any way.

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About Me

I'm a bit of a sex toy addict, and luckily my partner is quite keen on sharing my ever-expanding collection! I've been reviewing toys on sites for quite a while, and thought that maybe it was time to slap them in one handy location, along with some pictures that might not make the Google-rating the shops want.