Peter Boo WS – still feeling somewhat of a carpetbagger in this isolated and inbred town – was shocked when he saw the hunched and hollowed shell of the once-ebullient and avuncular Ranulph Ochan'toshan, a friend of every viewer of his television shows, of Queens and Cardinals, who, with a piece of charcoal and a few words, and being a natural raconteur, could create a vision to enthral young and old alike; how had he deflated, and become this shrunken cadaver? now Uncle Ralphy looked grey and confused and Boo wondered if he suffered from Alzheimer's: “Mr Ochan'toshan, Ranulph, I can see that you have suffered from a severe shock, as would any innocent man whose home had been invaded by an armed gang, intent on despoilment and ravishment; I have a warrant for your release on your personal cognizant – I have spoken with the Chief Superintendent and he is happy for you to leave with me, he is extremely sorry for the unlawful and intrusive behaviour of the quite unnecessary Armed Response Unit who seized and restrained you, and I can see that he is afraid of the effect of that action on his own career: he is a fan of yours and has invited you to a children's party in his own home tomorrow afternoon – I have accepted on your behalf (it doesn't matter if you are too unwell to attend, the invitation and your acceptance will go a long way to rehabilitate you in the eyes of your public, who have been signing an on-line petition for your release and for restitution for the damage and harm to your person, your property and your reputation0 and he has promised to send a team of interior decorators to to repair any damage caused by the muddy boots and over-zealous actions of the Unit which, he has asked me to stress to you, was not under his direct control, and to advise you that it is being investigated by Internal Affairs and that punishment will be swift and extreme and any senior officers found to have instigated the action will be dealt with strongly and with extreme prejudice – I might add that, should you attend the party, if you are feeling up to it, a TV crew will be there to beam the occasion live to seven channels simultaneously; and His Grace the Duke of Albany who will be performing as a Clown, would be delighted if you could see your way to spend the night and the morrow as his personal guest at Albany Palace; and a look of recognition seemed to illuminate Ochan'toshan's face and for the first time he smiled and said: “dear old Dick, my old friend, he can be a little bit doctrinaire if you don't see things his way, but his heart's in the right place, did he really?” and when the solicitor nodded, the old man took his hand and kissed it, which for some strange and inexplicable reason made Peter Boo's flesh crawl and he gave an involuntary shudder and made a mental note to apologise to the Chief Superintendent and explain that his own children would be unable to attend the party due to a sudden bout of malaria which they had picked up on a school visit to Duddingston Loch where, due to the unaccustomed and unseasonable heatwave, mosquitoes were proliferating and attacking young children – and he didn't care whether the Chief Superintendent believed him or not, or whether it created any awkwardness for himself, there was no way he was going to allow Uncle Ralphy anywhere near his own flesh and blood; which was when Ochan'toshan looked up, tears staining his time-worn face and beard and asked: “how is Lolly, will I get her back?”

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