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Well, tomorrow would be my last day at Microsoft.com Israel Hertzelya, I worked there for 1 year and 1 month as a vendor through some company. Objectively looking – yes I learned some interesting stuff there, and got a broader view on things and how everything is done. But, I also learned how things should not be done, and not technically speaking. Success of a project, technically speaking is only 20%, 80% is people related and that’s where it all went wrong, but that’s a different story.

I cannot tell whether I’m happy, sad or renewed. I’m going to start working at new place called Contextream, a small startup company in Petah Tikva as a senior QA engineer. I’ve been working few years in big companies and few years in small startups. Yes – I can tell the difference, both types has its pros and cons, I cannot tell which one is better. I only know one thing, since I’m still young I can learn and achieve new goals, because I’m well motivated and has lots of knowledge. And I think I can tell what would happen in 10-15 years from now – I’m going to retire 🙂 Hopefully.

I’m a bit anxious about the new place, new people and new technology. But it is going to be alright. Will keep you posted how everything is going.

I have been thinking whether putting it on my blog or not, but fuck-it, enjoy the spread of my anger!

People just don’t want to write about their lives, internet is a dumpster of bad and good… People prefer the glamor of the beautiful banners, facebook shit, google search engine for fetish images and youtube videos from jackass-idiots. Everything is being copy-pasted, copyrighted and then again copy-pasted, then money is made, and roll-over again. No word about feeling, about the life, about things that really matters. Somewhere in that black-hole of information happiness is lost for good, and then people try to figure out their problems by searching the google for well-known fatal deseases…

It’s so dreadful reading the local Israeli news homepage, it is full of depression, shit and banners that try to sell you gadgets that you can take with you to grave! Even in the supermarkets as you go and buy cucumbers or apples, you know that these veggies are grown on polluted water, sprayed with poison to keep the insects away that are actually fatal to human being. And the shit they sell the people for twice the money called the healthy or organic food, actually just called that way, but made out of the same crap. Then again you pay taxes, for another polluting electricity station, for politicians which make the country to go to war for killing muslims, jews, kids, FUCK… And then you hear how people for some strange reason die from cancer, you name it… Everything, beginning from small tumors to deadly and fatal tumors with metastasis.

The most dreadful thing, is that you work and work for nothing and then again work for money that actually kills your life, feelings, as you come home, the baby is sleeping the wife is tired and doesn’t have a feeling to make love… It died somewhere… The anxiety of loosing it all for fucking banners and gadgets you can buy on the internet. Easy money, easy come and easy go a religion for dummies and for uneducated crowd.

Then you take some book about some new bullshit as some crazy ass writer invents – trying to be interesting, the feeling to burn that book and then crucify the writer for stupidity. NEW STUFF? We cannot actually relax, it’s a fake. You just take another bottle of vodka, then you think you get drunk, and then you just sick your soul out to the drain because of the pain which refuses to die…

I’ve been thinking lately, what and how can I really make a new music. It is so hard, as almost all the ideas on composition and tehcniques are used, sound combinations and tonality is exhausted. Composers did that and that, and you always hear the same patterns all over again and again… I’ve been listening to night shows from etn.fm on trance and progressive channels, trying to find some ideas there. And from listening to the half hour or hour shows I’ve learned that the rules stayed the same – a composer, dj or just a mixer guy, takes patterns, adds drums, bass some easy pad line, creates all kinds of combinations with very simple and basic harmony, without going to heavy places and / or modulations. And it sounds very boring. Not developing, just bum, bum, bum — several pads, and again, bum, bum, bum, maybe some sophistaced bass line and then bum bum bum… What about the music? What about some harmony? And I’m not talking about basic counterpoint rules which are not sustained at all…

As I’m trying to complete my Reiki healing music album and the muse left me two months ago, so I’m out of ideas and motivation to make new music, I’m trying to find these ideas… Then the computer crashed on me with all the files, luckily I had a backup 🙂 Yesterday I had restored all the system and started to play on my synth, but again, I’m rounding the same circles of creation again, nothing new… Like a dry desert with no water or just an illusion of something new. Maybe the answer is a new approach? A new system of harmony? A melody? I donno… The frustration is really high, but I hope this would evaporate soon.

Few weeks ago I started to work on my new live show where I would be performing live! Actually I was thinking about something real, not written, improvised, but within boundaries. I’m going to preset 8-10 compositions with specific sounds. And play within a specific theme. This would be recordered to cubase and video. I think it would be great! I’m planning to release the show on the midst of August 2010. I also hope to gather as much people as possible. With regards to content, it would be a digital electronic music including, Piano, Omnisphere, Battery 3, Roland patches from XV-5080 and RD700sx digital Piano. The themes would be some old compositions I made like 10 years ago, some dynamic, some slow and mostly nice music for the soul. No words of course. I’m really thrilled to hear people comments, as the age group would vary from 20 to 60, which is hard to pinpoint, but I hope to get a good feedback and support! Good luck to me!

Humans tend to categorize things in order to solve problems, as difficult problem is – the categorizing become more sophisticated. Our life is very sophisticated these days, we need to make money in order to live in home, eat, drive to work, raise children, take care of our parents and have fun if possible. We try to enjoy our life, as our life is very fast, the enjoyment becoming a difficult task. We tend to forget the simple things we used to enjoy, we tend to forget everything that is not important at specific moment and move next. Running toward success brings us to think different in a bad way – we create automatic thoughts for overcoming problems and feelings which creates sometimes irrational thinking. At some point we brake down, and irrational thinking become logic. At that point we stop being human.

This album is a collection of my contemporary piano works. About a guy who works and sleeps, there is no time to look outside, to see the color of the sun – some sad but mostly real story. I think this album is very interesting, since I didn’t use any harmonies in it, only feeling and a story. Downloading here:

The urge… I’m feeling a need to go to the toilet now, release me – the gentle voice of the bottom abdominal calls. Easily standing up from the chair I’m going to the rest room. There are 3 doors; one is open, but this is for the disabled ones, I won’t use it it’s immoral, the second door is closed with the little red light on, probably busy. The third door is closed, but the light is green. Which door should I choose? The question is about the third door, which is closed, but with the green light on. I think there is a little surprise there, maybe it’s not clean enough? Why the door is closed? I choose the first door for the disabled ones, and release my urge. Is it an immoral thing to do? Releasing the urge in the disabled person toilet? I think so, I’m a very immoral person.

For a human who wishes to achieve something in his life should always be a question – why? Sometimes it is so hard finding the answer to that one. All humans have is a shell the soul lives in, an evolutionary high talent for reason and 85 years of life. Yes, humans can reproduce like other living beings on Earth, yes, humans can sacrifice themselves to save another human being, but the question always stands there – why? I will leave this question open for you to answer.

Google is an advertising company, it sells information about products and products are people. It is successful because it uses human basic feature set of skills, such as: viewing, reading, understanding and humans themselves. I was once wanted to work for Google, since I thought, it would be great to have Google in my resume, but once I started, I very soon understood that it is not so easy as it seems. For a very junior position of field tech support engineer at Google site Israel (supporting desktops, IT and etc’ job for STUPOIDS). For that kind of position Google required 2 phone interviews, 2 interstellar video conferencing interviews, meeting with GM of Google Haifa and Google Tel-Aviv… Not including meeting with HR and two additional technical interviews… I had 8 months of terror going and wasting my time and nerves for try and apply to Google, at the end of which they have notified me that the position is frozen. After half a year the HR called me again and offered the same position again, I said OK, it took the HR about 3 additional months to get back to me and humiliate me again with additional interviews at the end of which they said that I’m not technical enough… It was not an easy time for me, personally speaking. I won’t elaborate. At my last meeting with HR I was really mad, and said that even if Google would have an available position for me I won’t wait additional 2 years to get a job at Google. Bye Bye.

I have a linkedin professional profile, which I changed few days ago to be a Linux Developer and added my specialties to have: Linux kernel hacking, Linux hardening and other neat features. 1 day after, Google recruiter sent an email offering a Web Application Admin position, but not in Israel, which I gladly refused.

If you wish to be humiliated and postponed, go working for Google. Otherwise – be what you are and believe in what you choose to believe – be yourself and achieve your technical and professional goals without adding fancy companies in your resume.

At some point of your composition life you might ask yourself this question, whether to join an existing framework of creators or creating your own framework for allowing others then to join it. The question about an egg and a chicken; what comes first? As I learned and examined some of Beethooven musical manuscripts I realised one simple truth, a composer always creates his own framework, and that framework is used by him to create unique compositions. The details of how and when he implements his counterpoint techniques or orchestration methods are not important. The truth is inside the melody and harmony he usually uses…

Every composer / musician knows that every western polyphonic composition is built upon a Cantus Firmus http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cantus_firmus a fixed bass line that has it’s own rules and movement vectors with alterative powers. The second voice line comes to generate a melody upon that fixed bass line, what is filled inside is a set of mathematical rules to create chords and transitions between them – generating a movement. Then framed structure comes to life according to tempo and verbal movement, you can create a passages with accents and “relieves”. In usual life of people who wants to create something – these are quite stiff and hard rules to understand how they actually work, and creativity comes as an answer on how you operate these rules in your composition timespan.

As you buy a chair from IKEA, you have a very basic, but complete instruction manual on how to build that chair and get the picture done within 15-20 minutes. As you want to write or create a musical composition, you have lots of tools and rules to do that, like a “palette” of colors and a way to manipulte with these colors as with sound. It’s very very hard. Most of all it is so hard, it like comparing an IKEA chair to a J.S Bach Choral… So well, there is no framework or a style to create music you just need to find your own and create in it.

Many would say, improvisation as a catalysis for creation is somewhere true, but still structuring this “wind” is almost a necessary step to create your own framework. Why should you create your own framework? Why this is important? Music is joy, music should make one feel happy or sad, bring up memories, feelings. I strongly disagree, that music should do something else than that. It should always tell a story, but at the end the music is heard, that the way it goes in life and physics – someone doing something, someone reacts, if you have ears you listen what others say. Birds are singing – talking, chatting, dogs are barking whether you like it or not, people are shouting speaking, sound is generated. Then the question would stand whether you want to do an “ART”. What is art? Art comes from artificially making your own world so that “others” can see and understand it. Most of people can understand talking, chatting, birds, and when a baby is crying for milk or he /she is tired. If you decide making an “ART” it should be beautiful and always seeking that level of complexity to be complete and self sustained and heard – “O look at that beautiful flower, it has so many colors and it is so harmonic!”. Like a sentence you tell, “I want coffee.” or “Walking in green park, with no street polution with my friend and thinking about the sea…” something like that. An art should come out of a sentence you say to yourself and others should hear and be able to understand it. Here we are getting some framework for our creation.

When creating my own music, I usually think about some picture, visualize it inside and then I think of the sound for that picture that can apply – then I improvise around a tempo whether it is slow or fast, I try not to think about harmony or melody just imrovise, at some point I get some sentence out of my improvisation. This sentence then become a core of my creation. Then I choose an ambience – I want to choose the sound and melodies that should be vivid and some sounds should be blur. At this point only structure of that sentence would help generating a complete or seeking to be complete composition, a “Thinking” composition. Not just “wind”…

I like mine black, putting a big portion of melted coffee inside a cap, heating the water to the 100C, and then instantly putting that boiled water to the cap, not slowly, but fast! All the melted coffee would go up. Then, put one portion of sugar. Wait 5 minutes, and you’re ready to go! Have a nice morning!

Woke up pretty early around 6 am, sat with my little girl as she woke up, we played was fun. Thought to myself, I’ll get out early this morning and get to work at 8:30am… Well, I got to work only at 9:30am… Amazingly all the roads were so busy, seems to me like everybody decided to leave the house at the hour I decided to leave. All the roads were jammed to death. I wonder: If I get out of home at 9:30am I get to work at 10:15am, if I get out of home at 7:30am I come to work at 9:30am… I guess coming 45 minutes late to work would save me 2 hours… OR leaving home at 6:15am… Would save me 2 hours later… But waking up so early???!!!

Well, good luck with that! I hope you succeed! I’m backing up my website daily, and well, I don’t have anything to hide here. Only few XXX movies 🙂

In my error_access.log saw few IP addresses originated from Amsterdam and UK cities trying to brute force various URLs and seeking the faulty phpmyadmin application which I don’t have anyway (I know it sucks) 🙂

Kids, stop playing with script applications that you don’t understand how they work 🙂 If you try hacking me, believe me I can hack back!

This composition is very interesting, because it’s written with specific sound I’ve been thinking of that could be suitable for ambience and atmospheric feeling. This composition comes as a twin brother of original Willing composition (a succesful campaign a made on http://www.last.fm)