Monday, March 24, 2008

Iz: I so scared. You come back and sleep with me, ok?Me: You got Dadi and Kor kor worIz: No, I want Momi.....**with tears on his eyes

Yeah, I start travelling again after stop for a month.....Everytimes, I travel, I do miss my boys so much esp Iz, cause he will cry when talking to me and plead me to come back home fast. And, everytimes, I do wish my dream of becoming SAHM will be realise soon, which I doubt about it nowadays.....and it will always be my 'sweet' dream.

This time, I really worries so much about leaving Jona and Iz back home with Dadi. Past few days, suddenly Iz got mouth ulcers and till today, he still complaining mouth pain and can't drink or eat much or even sleep well(keep wake up half way).....And, yesterday, what got me worry sick is Jona. Suddenly, after came back from shopping, Jona got mild fever, and today, the fever still there, and need to take medication on time.

Sometimes, I do envy those kids whose mommy is SAHM. At least, when they need their mommy, she is around there with them. It is the best medicine for the kid to have mommy around. I know my kids most. When they are sick, with proper medication and proper care (like boiling crythaneum for Iz scenario, apply and massage Jona with Vicks whole body and wear sock, both of them will recover fast) and be active and naughty again next day.....

But, rely on hubby or nanny, it just being so hard. Like today, I remind Dadi to ask nanny to boil some herb for Iz, and it is not done and when Iz back home tonite, complaining mouth pain again thru phone to me. This morning, before I off to airport, I even see he asking for milk and finish all in one shot and not complaining of mouth pain.......

And, for Dadi, I just wish he could learn how to take care of his kids without me being around 24 hours (I mean on my internet connection, keep MSN or SMS me)....Everytimes, he seem too use to it. Before I left, he always ask me to write down, hour by hour, day by day, what need to be done on his kids, like bath/feeding schedule - when to drink water/milk, etc. Conclude, he just need me to teach him every second what to do.....I'm thinking, if I can be a super woman, how come he can't act as a capable daddy just for a day??

It just make me feel useless at all even though I know business trip meaning some ME time, but, if given me a choice, I would rather be at home act as 'maid' to my sons rather than being keep update about my sons situation and being helpless. It is really a 'torturing' moment for me. All I could said "That's life".