I remember hearing in a movie that every story that's worth telling is about a girl. I don't know for sure if this story is worth telling, but it is all about a girl: the perfect girl. At least, she's perfect to me. I suppose that's what a layman's definition of love may be; ignoring the flaws for the sake of the virtues. Love and stupidity must have a common ancestor.

This girl, who I have known since at least third grade, have drifted in and out of each other's lives over the years since we graduated high school. She and I were never really close until sophomore year of high school, though we got along okay and enjoyed each other's company, and then when we graduated. Through all that time I watched her grow from a pretty young girl into the beautiful young woman she is today. I think part of me always fancied her, even back then, if only because she was unique. She never really fit in with the "other girls" in that she didn't get caught up in the superficial schlock that formed the social pastiche of high school girls in the late '90s. She didn't bother with the heavy makeup or slutty clothes or any of the other things that I've always thought degrading to women; and that only made her more beautiful to me.

During college, she went to school out of state, but we kept in touch via e-mail and saw each other during school vacations. I remember one time I called her over to hang out, panicked at the last minute, and called a couple of buddies to race over before she arrived just so the burden of conversation wouldn't be just on me the whole time. Yeah, I know. Smooooth. But the thing that stands out in my mind is that, at the end of the night, after we, all of us, went to see "The Man Who Wasn't There", and it was just the two of us on the sidewalk, she said to me, "You're nervous around girls aren't you, Jared?" to which all I could do was dig my toe into the pavement and hang my head like a kid who just knocked a baseball through a store window, and sheepishly mutter, "Yeah." And she said. "You don't have to do that with me. I know you too well for it to work anyway!" I went home that night feeling like I was king of the world.

She and I kept this friendship going pretty much the same way over the years until recently when fate smiled and put us in the same housing community. Of course by now we both had jobs with somewhat incompatible schedules but we still made time to at least talk on the phone if we couldn't get any facetime.

The more time I spent with her, the more beautiful she became to me not because she had looks, but because she had a beautiful heart. That's something that I've found to be rare with all of the girls I've met at college. Most of them had hearts as black as coal when you got to know them. You need only see how they treat the elderly or some other undesirable to see their true colors. All the superficial sweetness in the world can't take that taste out of your mouth. Not her.

I finally couldn't take it anymore and called her up one night and said I had to tell her something important. Immediately I felt stupid and tried to backpeddle out of it, but she wouldn't let me. "No. You tell me what's up RIGHT NOW!"

"I...::sigh:: I think I like you."

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, but I don't feel the same way. I think I might, but I don't know for sure." (Ladies, if you're ever going to say this to a guy, do them a favor, just go over to their house and stab them through the heart with a crowbar, it's less painful and it grants them the quick death that the other response leaves them craving but doesn't deliver.)

She still wants to be my friend, but gave me the option of cutting her out completely. I told her I would be willing to try to be her friend, but that she should know I would always want more. I figured why lie? I'm bad at deception anyway, and she knows me too well. She seemed oddly okay with that and we still hang out.

The other day she told me she had a boyfriend. This would be her second relationship in almost a decade. The former was with a good friend of mine and didn't last long. She doesn't like to date. My response was less than charming. I'll spare all the gory details, but it involved me saying "No." in the phone repeatedly with an inflection vaguely reminiscent of a coyote howling at the moon. "NowhooOOO, Leeloo, NowhooOO..." Not too proud of myself there, but what can I say, it hurt. It still hurts.

But, I was totally honest with her. That's something that I didn't try with the girl in "Love Stinks" part I. And if Leeloo is happy with this guy, then I have no just cause to be jealous or angry. Unfortunately, the many qualities in her that I find so attractive are qualities that I can't return. I can only offer sincerity and loyalty, which means I'd make a fine dog, but not a good boyfriend. If she's happy and this guy gives her what I can't and treats her better than I could, then I should be happy for her, right? I am. I'm so happy for her I can almost ignore the bitter lump in my heart that I want so badly to disgorge. Once, just once, I'd like to be the other half of the happy equation, and not the anguished lovelorn wretch writing about this stuff in the middle of the night.

I will share that once of the most sickening feelings is to tell someone that I don't feel that way.

Seeing that puppy dog hopeful happy look change into a crushed shot down look isn't a good feeling from our end. Not being defensive or argumentative.

If we're upfront we shot them down, if we don't say anything then we led them along. I always told right away but it's hard when you're not sure.

eg. Am I NOT feeling that feeling or am I just not wanting to be in a relationship right now? (Speaking from a perspective of years ago NOT right now)

Wish I could type more but this took me about 5 minutes.

ps. I forgot the original point. It was probably more painful for her to tell you directly but she knew that would be less painful than dragging it out over days/weeks or even more. So if it makes it better... she valued you enough to take the pain instead of shoving you to the side.

Besides... who knows what the future will bring... just don't act needy! Smothering is a turn off to me. Not saying you are smothering.

« Last Edit: June 05, 2008, 10:00:22 AM by Doombot »

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Will I get Night Owl points for quitting but not as much for getting fired?Will I still be a member of the Owl's Pals? I'd hate to turn in my card. It's got a real owl feather under the lamination and everything.

Night Owl: Oh, indeed. I quit many a job ...better than being fired. You can keep your card... in fact, you get double points for quitting!

With all these emotions out in the air and not bottled up, life should go more flatly rather than taking a huge dive downward.Anyway, I wish I had a point here, but I've never had a childhood friend than I'm still friends with today. Basically due to not being interested in girls until I was smack-dab in the middle of a boys-only school So I can't really give any solid advice other than wait for it. Time will pass, things will slowly matter less, and you'll move on.

Keep yourself honest, though. Its a good thing.

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"This man seems to possess a dangerous animal cunning... The kind of cleverness to rip off your arms to crush you at chess!"

TSM: A member of the UV since March 1999."When God gives you lemons, you find a new God."Moo.

Sorry to hear about the girl issues, Loveshack. Not much to say really. I've been down that road before and I'm of the mindset that it's better to hear it right up front rather than be strung along for a while.

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"When planning a new picture we don't think of grown ups and we don't think of children but just of that fine, clean, unspoiled spot down deep in every one of us that maybe the world has made us forget and that maybe our pictures can help recall." - Walt Disney

If I had a dollar for every girl problem I've had we could open up an actual Bastard Bar.

The best I could is raise my glass for you.

If I had to give advice I'd say find something to smile about in the problem. Like yesterday I was set up on a date with a friend of a friend and she seemed none too interested in me, but I just kind of laughed it off. Sure she was oh-my-god gorgeous, and I tried my best. At least it was better than a few of my dates. I did date a 35 year old single mother with an ex-husband who was stalking me (what were the odds that I'd see the same rusty VW van everywhere I went?), and when that relationship went south I couldn't help but laugh it off. At least it got the stalker off my back.

But all break ups and un-reciprocated feelings hurt. I will admit that after the 35 year old left me for someone else I showed up for work drunk out of my mind. And after last night (It was a double date with my best friend and his girlfriend) my friend and I sat around passing back and forth a bottle of wine while talking and laughing about all of the times the girl ignored me through the night.

At least you put yourself out there. There have been so many times where I liked a girl and was too chicken to say anything to her. At least that means when the right girl comes around you won't let her pass by.

Yeah, the real problem is that this is one of maybe three girls who I ever thought, "Gee, I could see myself married to them."

The first one was when I was thirteen and it was mainly because she had a smokin' body and was lumpy in all the right places.

The second one was more in my league, and had a girl-next-door sort of innocence that pretty much made her become...less than I hoped for...when she went away to college.

This third one is different. She's got consistency and sincerity. The thing I don't want to admit is that everything she deserves, I can't offer her. So if I truly care about her, I should be happy to let her find someone who gives her everything she deserves, no matter what that means for me.

The thing I don't want to admit is that everything she deserves, I can't offer her.

I don't know the situation but I find that debatable. Attitude counts for a lot. If you think you don't have anything to offer then you're going to give off that vibe and people will pick up on that. You'll make a Self-Fulfilling Prophecyout of that.

You're not a troll in appearance (or anything close to that ) and you're not a jerk. Some woman would be very lucky to have you. I think going on a few dates might be fun for you even if nothing romantic comes out of it. Go just to get out there and if things become serious then Yeah! Sign up for a dating service. Heeck there's even "geek" related ones where people interested in video games, comics and such can meet.

Just be honest because thanks to the internet you can post whatever and there's someone that'll share you're interest.

"Your bio says you like to dress up in Star Fleet uniforms when you know... I think we might be compatible but I just want to make sure... Original Series or Next Gen?"

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Will I get Night Owl points for quitting but not as much for getting fired?Will I still be a member of the Owl's Pals? I'd hate to turn in my card. It's got a real owl feather under the lamination and everything.

Night Owl: Oh, indeed. I quit many a job ...better than being fired. You can keep your card... in fact, you get double points for quitting!

a few years ago i was somewhat in your same situation. at least with how you have it now, you can still respect eachother. even though i still see the guy once or twice a year, i have little respect for him because he didnt know how to handle the situation. he's not a bad guy, but your handling seems to be much better than what he did (and he technically had the 'upper hand' as i was the one with the crush).

The thing I don't want to admit is that everything she deserves, I can't offer her.

I don't know the situation but I find that debatable. Attitude counts for a lot. If you think you don't have anything to offer then you're going to give off that vibe and people will pick up on that. You'll make a Self-Fulfilling Prophecyout of that.

You're not a troll in appearance (or anything close to that ) and you're not a jerk. Some woman would be very lucky to have you. I think going on a few dates might be fun for you even if nothing romantic comes out of it. Go just to get out there and if things become serious then Yeah! Sign up for a dating service. Heeck there's even "geek" related ones where people interested in video games, comics and such can meet.

Just be honest because thanks to the internet you can post whatever and there's someone that'll share you're interest.

"Your bio says you like to dress up in Star Fleet uniforms when you know... I think we might be compatible but I just want to make sure... Original Series or Next Gen?"

Thanks for the vote of confidence, but when I say that everything she deserves, I can't offer her, I mean that many of the qualities and personality traits I see in her that make her so beautiful are qualities that I don't have and as such can't give back to her sincerely. Also, the fact that she can't see me with the same adoration that I see her means that I have no right to be jealous if she finds someone who she not only adores as much as I adore her, but who likewise adores her as much as I adore her. Who's to say that she won't wind up falling for me in the end? It could happen, but even if it doesn't, should I mope and sulk because I'm getting what I want and because things didn't work out how I wanted them to? I can't help but notice all the instances of the the word "I" in there. If I really care about her as much as I say I do, and as much as she deserves, I should want the best for her no matter where that leaves me in the end.

Oh, and while I was thinking about it, I remembered something that I feel is a good representation of my reaction to her telling me she had a boyfriend. I REALLY WISH I WAS KIDDING, but this isn't all that much of a stretch. Actually, this might be a disservice to just how far off the handle I flew.

"for the record, I'm not some kind of psychotic provincialist." - Than (ed: Cit. required)"I lost my game of NT: Garry's fault. Global warming: Garry's fault. End-of-the-Universe: Garry's fault. See it always fits. Anyway, what is Garry up to? No good I bet." - Laszlo"As for your French, it's probably better than the average English-speaking Frenchman's Finnish! (Or something.)" - wa"I'm back at Thunderfalls now and every minute thinking of poking a bandit in the eye with a fishhook." - Preyveil"and yet still nothing has made it to BC's signature!"-KMD

It's the tabs that aren't real. At least not real in the sense that they'll ever be paid.

That would be less of a problem if you would stop inviting Night Owl.

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"for the record, I'm not some kind of psychotic provincialist." - Than (ed: Cit. required)"I lost my game of NT: Garry's fault. Global warming: Garry's fault. End-of-the-Universe: Garry's fault. See it always fits. Anyway, what is Garry up to? No good I bet." - Laszlo"As for your French, it's probably better than the average English-speaking Frenchman's Finnish! (Or something.)" - wa"I'm back at Thunderfalls now and every minute thinking of poking a bandit in the eye with a fishhook." - Preyveil"and yet still nothing has made it to BC's signature!"-KMD