OK, I'm 34 years old. In what universe would I ever think it's a good idea to have my ass cheeks hanging out of my shorts? My ass cheeks have benefited greatly from my workouts (lunges, squats, elliptical, whatever) but I am not comfortable displaying them for public consumption. Especially since my pump belt clip likes to chew on them and well, like I said, I'm 34 years old. Ugh. In case you hadn't guessed, I went shopping for new shorts yesterday and it was an aggravating/euphoric experience. I managed to psych myself out of freaking over the size issue because, well, I've spent a lot of time convincing myself that stand alone numbers aren't the end all be all of success and what really matters is overall health and fitness, which has multiple factors. In other words, I applied my "A1C isn't everything" brainwashing to fashion. My workouts have led to my beans shifting in new and innovative (to me) ways. I finally have an ass for the first time in my life. My membership in the flat butt tribe has been suspended for the time being. I'm good with that, but it brings a whole new issue to finding clothes that fit. Shorts have one thing up on pants, at least length isn't quite as much of a challenge. I'm 5'3" and finding pants that don't have to be altered is a bloody nightmare. I tried on 20 pairs of shorts yesterday in various sizes and styles. I tried some items on twice and did a round-robin-style elimination. When it comes to clothing, I'm a little on the boring side, I like mid thigh length or longer and I prefer denim or khaki. I love cargo shorts because I like having places to put my hardware. I went in with an open mind yesterday and was grabbing any and everything off the rack that looked like it might work. I had everything from Daisy Dukes to bermudas to capris ranging in size from 4 to 8. I ended up buying two pairs. TWO FREAKING PAIRS. One pair of stretchy DKNY knee length denim shorts with a cute cuff, a la Dirty Dancing circa 1986ish and the other a pair of khaki colored Calvin Klein capris. Both a size 4 and both $24.99 thanks to the Retail Miracle of Marshall's. I'm not usually a Calvin Klein/DKNY kind of girl. I'm more of a Wal-Mart Danskin kind of girl, but they fit, they're cute, and I like them. So, I'll class the outing as a success though I need 2 more pairs. Ugh.

Trying on pants is a major pain in the well...ass...when it comes to managing my insulin pump. I was wearing cargo capris yesterday, so my CGM was stashed in the side pocket at the knee but my pump was clipped on a thigh pocket. Since I was only trying on pants, no tops, I decided to hook my pump to my sports bra during the process. That worked pretty well, not at all attractive but who cares, I was in the dressing by myself and hopefully no perverts were taping me. Naturally, when I had tried on the first round of shorts and was heading back to the racks for Round 2, I forgot to move my pump back to my pocket and walked out of the dressing room with a square third boob in between the two regular ones. Sexy!!! I realized it when the fitting room clerk looked at me strangely when I handed her the mountain of "No's." When I got back on the floor, looked around, ducked down, fished it out and put it back where it belonged. I did round 2, landed on my picks, found my husband, we checked out and then continued down to the shoe store. At this point, I was feeling both simultaneously euphoric and aggravated and figured shoe shopping would perk me up. I was rifling through the racks when my CGM starting shrieking. OK, seriously not in the mood for that. I liberated it from my pants pocket and checked the display. 45 mg/dl. OH FUCK THAT. I am NOT 45 mg/dl. Liar. But, I plopped down on a bench and tested. 59 mg/dl. A quick assessment of my general well being confirmed I was feeling a smidge low but had attributed it to the whole shorts experience. Eric sauntered over when he saw me pull out my meter and asked what was going on. I said "I'm testing to silence the screaming beast in my pants." Then I realized what had come out of my mouth. I said "Well, apparently I'm feeling this low a little more than I thought..." It's good that the store wasn't that busy and I don't think anyone heard me!!

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