I’d Rather Take My Chances With Skype Than Chat Roulette

As a pervert, I can confidently say that the internet is the greatest invention ever. Thanks to Al Gore, we’ve been given the gift of Skype and Chat Roulette, the latest spawn of networking media, where you can watch socially-inept individuals seek hot lovin’ from other sad sacks. These two platforms are the “Harry Potter Vibrating Broomstick” of the internet worldâ€”meant for chaste, pure things and then made even more awesome by the possibility of a depraved fantasy-related orgasm.

I tried using Chat Roulette, and though there was a plethora of acceptable penises, they were almost all anonymous penises, which just isn’t okay by me. I know that CR is the hot new thing, and that everyone is all about it, but I just need to know WHO it is that I’m going knuckles-deep for. Also, if there are faces included, they seem to look like Jeffrey Dahmer on a bad day.

Skype isn’t that much better, but at least I can choose who it is I’m watching bust it. I have only used it a handful of times, and each one of those times has been for the sole purpose of Dirty Skype. There is nothing better than knowing that someone could quite possibly cum to a grainy image of your twat, with a lag. The most entertaining part of it all, for me, is seeing how it all plays out; who initiates what, and who can slap their genitals against their webcam first.

When it comes to Chat Roulette, you’re totally disposable. If these people don’t like the way you look, or don’t look, they throw you to the wolves. I mean, it’s really a shot to your ego to see “Your partner disconnected” in the text box; at least with Skype there’s the possibility of a lost connection, or mistaken hang-up.

CR is so fast paced, you feel like you’re running down the tarmac of Desperation Road, lugubrious faces flying by the windows, barely decipherable. Call me old-fashioned, but I like to slow it down, and take my time. You can’t silently judge someone when they’re seven people ahead of you, finger poised on the mouse, ready to move on with a simple click of the “next” button.

Throughout this article I have sung the good graces of Skype, but the last time that I got down on the webernet, the dude watched me unenthusiastically rub myself as I thought about three of Michael Jackson’s body parts, while he complained about the state of the economy and drank a green tea fusion beverage. I think that pretty much shows you how lascivious the whole thing was. It was kind of like the first (and only) time I had a threesome: the potential of eroticism was there, but was shot dead and dragged across the highway once the Eiffel Tower was put into place, and the playing cards were splayed across my back. Anyway, the Skype sesh ended with me not cumming, and him falling asleep in his organic cereal.

So, this is an open call to all of you lovely ladies and gents out there: I need to have a good (or mediocre-at-best) Dirty Skype session. I would love to get debaucherous with anyone who has a mighty amount of facial hair, or would at least be willing to affix a small mammal to their chin. I would love to masturbate with a carrot for anyone who could recite The Taming of the Shrew while s’n their own d. I would love to get naked with anyone who has two eyes and a mouth. Add me now: kariferrellneedstofuck

Thanks to Karl Malone and John Stockton for being two hot tots I want inside of me, and providing their faces for this article.

601949 Responses tohttp%3A%2F%2Fanimalnewyork.com%2F2010%2Fid-rather-take-my-chances-with-skype-than-chat-roulette%2FI%27d+Rather+Take+My+Chances+With+Skype+Than+Chat+Roulette+2010-02-17+21%3A14%3A16Kari+Ferrellhttp%3A%2F%2Fanimalnewyork.com%2F%3Fp%3D60194 “I’d Rather Take My Chances With Skype Than Chat Roulette”

"but I just need to know WHO it is that Iâ€™m going knuckles-deep for". Well, there we go Kari, I've got my new dating mantra.

And how would one Dirty Skype with roommates. I mean the walls here in NYC are paper thin. If you're fucking a warm body, at least you can just be like "fuck it, bring tha noize." But Dirty Skyping has got to be like watching porn. Headphone ON.

Then the person on the other end would have to watch you beating it to them while wearing your headphones. That kinda kills the mood. Cause ya know, maybe they're also listen to like Jock Jams vol.3 at the same time too.

Having read this review of sex via both Skype and CR, it makes me think that gigging via Gchat still has value because of the need to get inside one's own head and your partners with prose, which requires more intimacy than pixelated privates seem to provide.

And there's still something to be said for a still photo of a beautiful girl erotically stretched out–though the bearded faces over your nipples in the other day's post were, sorry to say, effective cockblock.

fuck dude. It's not like me to leave a personal comment on a site like this, but I gotta say, your blog posts are the shhhiiit. I used to look at animalny like once every two months when some other bullshit site I didn't give a fuck about linked me here, but no joke, I come back here every day now to see if you posted anything new because it's just that much better than anything else this site has ever offered in its entire history. LOL. Like I give a fuck what bullshit ironic statement some no-name street artist thinks he's making by stenciling a stock silhouette on a fucking trash can after some other carbon copy just did the same thing the day before. Oooookay Bucky, keep kneading your pencil dick at your imaginary audience: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imaginary_audience …..pfffffuck you. Kari for president. You need to get off this site and write a book. Meanwhile, rock on for these posts I keep coming back and reading, I dig it, it's good. Popecock out.