Everything you ever wanted to know about the renowned healer, humanitarian, pretend doctor and greatest living human being ... The great, the wonderful, the magnificent, the Chuck Norris of cancer, the one, the only... NotDoctor LEONARD COLDWELL..

Tuesday, 28 July 2015

Yes... The delusional porker is now claiming that not only does he have an insider inside BIG FARMER he also has and insider on the inside of the New World Order.

The full quote from Leonard Lieswellbadly is as follows...

"My personal post for today:

I know from and inside source that there
is a massive in-fight within the NWO going on. NOW is our time to
strike back. Inform Educate, take responsibility, control and charge
over your own life. Become a member of the ONLY organization that can
and will protect you. There is safety and Power in numbers! We just got
more members in Germany and Austria in 2 days than in 4 years in
America. They are awake and they are ready to fight back."

And what is the ONLY organisation that can and will protect you from the entirely imaginary NWO? It is of course his trademarked, only organisation of its type, proven over decades, five hundred bucks to join and a grand a year membership fees (not refundable), GIN knock-off, IBMS or Idiotic Bullshit Making-money-for-the-poisonous-dwarf System... What else could it possibly be.

And there was me hoping he was going to storm the UN building, or the Whitehouse, or FEMA HQ, or the Vatican or wherever it is the NWO is hanging out these days. The idea of that little f**ker "fighting back" is hysterical. Judging by the state of his ever expanding waist-line he doesn't look like he could fight back against the girl guides without having a coronary... But hey... Posting on Facebook is almost like fighting back isn't it?.. No... You're right... It's nothing like fighting back and everything like sitting on your lazy fat f**king arse and trying to drum up business for your pitiful scam... Close but no coconut.

Now... I have to say... While we are on the subject of inside information that my inside source says that Lenny's Idiocy Based Money-loss System has been nothing short of an embarrassing failure with a total membership figure somewhere in the region of the square root of f**k all... So having more members in Germany and Austria isn't that difficult... Not that I believe that anyway...

Oh... And another thing... Another one of my inside sources tells me that those pictures you have been punting of you in front of a huge crowd like the one you used in the Facebook post...

... are actually several years old and date back to when you were still sucking on Kev Trudeau's GIN teat and that when it comes to filling a room with IBMS members you'd struggle to fill a f**king broom cupboard... Without needing to take the f**king brooms out... And if another one of my inside sources are to be believed that's about all you could afford to f**king hire.

Saturday, 25 July 2015

Yes... It must be true
because Lenny says so... He's heard from “internal sources” that
he is on a Merck hit-list.

This nonsense comes from a link he
shared on Facebook to a story about the pharmaceutical company Merck
having a hit-list of doctors they wanted to “destroy, neutralise or
discredit”. Story here

Now I neither know nor
particularly care whether the allegations are true. Maybe Merck were
a shower of bastards then and are a shower of bastards now... Maybe
not... Who cares? That's not really the issue but there's a few
problems I have with Loony's claim to be on the list if it
exists.

First and foremost there's the minor detail that he
isn't actually a doctor. Why would a major pharmaceutical company
give a flying f**k about this petulant little ball of lard when, in
the great scheme of things, no f**ker has ever heard of him and all
he ever does is post links to his Facebook page and launch doomed
lawsuits?

Second the story dates
back to 1999 when he was still transitioning from Herr Bernd Klein to
Mr Leonard “Lenny The Life Coach” Coldwell and many years before
he started on with his 35,000 this, 92.3% that and curing
Mutti-Coldwell of the other and his “World's leading bullshitter”
claims or whatever it is he's supposed to be this week.

Thirdly
you have to wonder why it is that Lenny had chosen not to reveal this
“internal source” information until he just happened to find an
article on the internet about it. Well... Of course you don't have to
wonder at all... It's just another example of Loony Lenny jumping on
any passing bandwagon with his “ME TOO... ME TOO...” attitude to
reality... (See also his “I can smell cancer like a dog” bullshit
claim I have mentioned before).

The truth of this of course is
that the only “internal source” this corpulent little
crap-fountain has been listening to is the drunken mouse inside his
head operating the levers.

Friday, 24 July 2015

Think your genuine doctor can help you live another 140 years? Not just to 140 years but another 140 years note. Of course they can't... What you need is a tubby little fraud to see you on your way to eternal life!!!11!!!

Sunday, 19 July 2015

What a f**king idiot. Mind you... He was talking to Jeff Rense at the time so unfettered moonbattery is no huge surprise and they seemed to be trying to out-do each other in who could say the most idiotic bullshit.

Tuesday, 14 July 2015

Chlorophyll produces oxygen in living plants only when exposed to light which is not a noted attribute of the digestive system... and neither is an ability to absorb oxygen. That's what we have lungs for.

Only an idiot without a basic knowledge of biology would make a claim like this which your average 10 year old knows is rubbish.

Now
given that he claimed
that 'big farmer' and various other dark forces had spent “42 million dollars just
last year to destroy my reputation” you might have thought it
logical to go after them but there are a few minor problems to that
idea. First and foremost the pharmaceutical industry don't give a
flying f**k about a totally unqualified and delusional quack that no
f**ker has ever heard of so it's just another one of Lenny's little
fantasies. Secondly the pharmaceutical industry have real lawyers not
the “Thirty minutes for twenty bucks” briefs Leonard can barely
afford... His oft-mentioned, so called and universally feared derided "Legal team".

“So who did he sue?” I hear you ask...

Glad you asked... Although if you'd read the complaint you'd know but hey... We can all be lazy... Anyhoo...

Now I'll give you
the punchline here at the beginning and reveal that his lawyer
voluntarily dismissed all claims against all defendants on 18th
May 2015.

I'll also add that
I am not speaking on behalf of any of the defendants who are all
grown-ups more than capable of defending themselves against the sort
of pitiful excuse for a legal action Lenny is capable of
launching...

That said... I
cannot help but wonder if the person who actually penned and filed
the complaint was awake when they wrote it. My whippet puppy could make a
more competent job and he's only 9 months old and only thinks about chasing cats and chewing my boots to pieces... Come to think of it my greyhound could have made a better fist of it and he can't walk and bark at the same time.

The good
Not-A-Doctor retained the services of a certain William F May of
Culbertson & Associates (Attorneys at Law) based in Greensboro,
North Carolina.
who make the following claims on their website... (My emphasis added)

“Internet
Defamation Law

This law firm emphasizes this area of practice
in recent years. We have represented Doctors, soldiers,
businessmen, former entertainers and ordinary people who are the
victims of untrue, malicious and defamatory posts and pictures on the
internet. These materials have a serious adverse effect on a
person’s ability to make a living, and upon a person’s quality of
life. If untrue, the material may be ordered removed by a
judge. Indeed, most search engines and web host providers
require court orders before they will “play referee”
with internet material, and they say so in their terms and conditions
online. The law of defamation pre-dates the internet

Culbertson and Associates prides itself on being able to
effectively apply that law to the current technology. Indeed,
Krispen prides himself on being a “technology geek,” and on his
thorough understanding of the process of removal, which begins with
the website and ends, if possible, with the perpetrator of the
fraudulent, untrue or malicious materials. Please call for
a more thorough explanation, or for case examples that have appeared
in the media of Culbertson & Associate’s work in this area.”

Now... I am not a
lawyer, certainly not a 'Merican lawyer but if this is the best
'internet defamation' suit Krispen and William can come up with between them, then, should I ever be in the market for a legally qualified
'technology geek' in North Carolina, and that ain't that f**king likely to be
honest, I'd go somewhere else.

Perhaps I am being a tad unfair On Krispy Kreme McCulbertson and Billy Effin'-May Sue-Ya... Maybe they just accepted Never-Has-Been-And-Never-Will-Be-A-Doctor Coldwell's whining complaint at face value but I would have expected a firm which "emphasises" their familiarity with the electronic-interwebs to have spotted at least some of the school-boy errors they saw fit to put before the court. Maybe they did and that's why they withdrew the claim in which case kudos for doing the right thing... Eventually... After you've placed your ineptitude on the public record... Way to go lads!

SO....

Where did everybody's Phavourite Phat Phake Physician and his "legal team" (stop laughing you up the back) go wrong? Well... Where to start really...Obviously nobody at Coldwell Mansions or Culberson And Associates'Ghostbuster's HQpalatial down-town executive suitehas the feintest idea what a WHOIS is. They clearly seem to be under the impression that whois.com is a hosting service for saltydroid.com and to blame for the terrible insults levelled at the good not-doctor...

No...

Adding whois.com to the suit was the equivalent of suing The Oxford English Dictionary because somebody called you... Lets pick something entirely at random to prove the point... A "deceitful charlatan and quack, a habitual liar and delusional, paranoid, psychotic fraud".

Now... Let's just say English is not your first language... Maybe it's another language like... Ooooh.... Lets say... Hmmm... German for example... And you say to your assistant... "Gott in himmel Sarah!!..." (cos that's our fictional example's fictional assistant's name) "...Zum person haz zum nasty things mich vercallen. Ich vill look zee vords up in zee Oxford Englandische Wordenbooken unt zee vot zey are gesprechen about mich!".So off you toddle in search of your O.E.D (which you've never used before) and you look up all the words and they ain't none too complementary. Fired up with Teutonic fury and indignation you invade Poland phone your "legal team" (any more sniggering up the back and there'll be trouble!) and say... "Ich has bin libelled by zum dirty donkeygerrphucker schwienhund and ich vant to sue zee very hemd from off zer back.Unt vile du bist at it, Ich vant to sue zee Oxford Englandische Wordenbooken for telling mich vot zee vords mean."It really is that level of stupidity.For those who haven't bothered to read the wikipedia link above a 'WHOIS' is simply a form of network search which tells you, unsurprisingly, who somebody on a network actually is... Hence the name... There are countless 'WHOIS' search engines available on the internet including the aforementioned whois.com as well as whois.net, who.is, whois.biz, whois.icann.org, whois.eu and... Well.. Google it yourself... there are literally hundreds of the f**kers... And every single one will give you the same information on saltydroid.com... Which you can view here if you really must (but it's quite boring)...

It is true that a WHOIS search on whois.com for saltydroid.com gives registration details in Shen Zhen Shi, Guang Dong Province, China... But there's a problem... A f**king great 450 horsepower, supercharged-with-integral-intercooler, V8, four-wheel drive, nitrous oxide injection, independent suspension all round scale of f**king problem which makes the claim that whois.com are complicit in hosting salty droid's website and disguising his location not only wronger-than-wrong but entirely moot...

They got the wrong f**king website!

Yes folks... NotDoctor Coldwell and his "technology geek legal team" (right!.. you up the back... OUT!) don't understand that saltydroid.com and saltydroid.info are totally f**king different websites owned by totally different f**king people.

I'll have more to say on the subject of domain confusion in Part 2 of How Not To Conduct A Lawsuit Part 3

Saturday, 11 July 2015

Yes... The blithering buffoon really did claim he could "smell cancer and even how far it is advanced". He did this while posting a link to a BBC News article about dogs that had been trained to 'sniff out' cancer. Of course this is nothing other than a fantasy brought about by Loony Lenny's "Ooh... That sounds clever... I'll say I can do that too..." attitude to reality.

Given that he already has the face of a rat, the eyes of a pig and the brain of a newt I suppose the nose of a dog would be appropriately chimeric but let's see what wikipedia has to say on the subject of a dog's sense of smell...

"While the human brain is dominated by a large
visual cortex, the dog brain is dominated by an olfactory cortex. The
olfactory bulb in dogs is roughly forty times bigger than the
olfactory bulb in humans, relative to total brain size, with 125 to
220 million smell-sensitive receptors. These receptors are
spread over an area about the size of a pocket handkerchief (compared
to 5 million over an area the size of a postage stamp for
humans). The percentage of the dog's brain that is devoted to
analyzing smells is about 40 times larger than that of a human.

Consequently, it has been estimated that dogs, in
general, have an olfactory sense ranging from one hundred thousand to
one million times more sensitive than a human's. In some dog breeds,
such as bloodhounds, the olfactory sense has nearly 300 million
receptors and may be up to 100 million times greater than a human's"

Obviously somebody had a word in Loony Len's shell like and told him posting such idiotic drivel makes him look exactly what he is... An idiot who never thinks before he mashes the keyboard with two of his pudgy little fingers.. So he rapidly deleted the post.

Friday, 10 July 2015

Note: A quick look at wikipedia or ten seconds on Google reveals that nitrogen mustard (mustard gas) is easily destroyed as has been known by any half-way decent chemist since the middle of the 19th century.

Wednesday, 8 July 2015

This is a first test post to a new blog devoted to revealing the true life story behind everybody's favourite pretend doctor Leonard Coldwell a/k/a Bern Klein a/k/a Bernd Witchner and, if I can be arsed, cataloguing his future lunacy and stupidity.

Back soon with the first instalment provisionally entitled "How not to conduct a lawsuit Part 3"