I've been domesticated

I haven't posted in a long long time but I feel its necessary to do so now.

5 years ago I was a single man with lots of freedom, I slept around quite a bit and enjoyed trying new things with new partners, never seemed to have any complaints so I think I was doing well for myself. Then I met my wife. In the 4 years we've been together she has gone from being a full fledged cock worshipper to a rather tame lover. I love her almost more than anything in the world second only to our 3 year old daughter.

The issue is that I'm finding it hard to adjust to such a simple life, I'm no spring chicken and I've done my share of living but maybe its just my testosterone speaking but I feel like I always wanna have sex and not just with my wife. I'm almost always ready to go and my wife is occasionally ready. Not that the sex isn't good, its just bland I guess. Basically I want to know if this is common, I still think it might be caused by my deviant past or my overly active sex drive, hell I cant tell if its because ex's keep sending me messages about wanting to screw me again, all I know is its become really difficult to just accept domestication. Any advice.

i think it's normal. i feel the same way sometimes. i think a lot of women change after they have kids. the fact that your ex is contacting you has the potential to ruin your current relationship. you have to ask yourself what is more important...your marriage and family or having great sex with your ex?

some people have the view that as a man it is okay to have sex with other women because it is just sex. most guys who are married chose their wives for many different reasons and traits; sex is usually one of those but not the only one.

i suppose one can use this reasoning to justify having sex with other women while being married because that is all it is.

i've never done it (i'm engaged) so i couldn't say if it is easy or not. however, it seems to me that one might have guilt or other issues even though that thought they wouldn't.

Gold Member

generally speaking, both genders behave unusually when they are wooing each other.

Men act more romantic and thoughtful... because that is what will attract a woman. And women act more horny... because that is what will attract a man.

Neither is being duplicitous.

Human beings are hard wired to exhibit these behaviors, temporarily, when we find an attractive prospect.
Women ARE hornier when they think they have found a goodun... Men DO feel romantic when they have found a woman they click with.

However... that generally only lasts a few years at the most.

Then we revert to what we are at baseline... whatever your normal inclination is to thoughtfulness and tenderness will come out... whatever her normal level of sexual interest will re-emerge.

Complicating that is the presence of children. Women, in particular, suffer a drop in sexual interest after having children... and not only because they are chastened by the fact that sex is what got them in this predicament...

Children are wearing. They take a lot of energy.. and, let's face it, for most women the Objective of having a husband is children.
They become the focus of care, concern and giving.

You should have a heart to heart with your wife about the fact that sex with her is not just a self indulgent pleasure on your part... but is critical to how a man maintains a deep emotional bond with his wife.

Far too many women emotionally abandon their husbands to focus all their joy on their children... and 18 or 20 years later, when their children leave, these women look around and wonder where their husbands went...

Tell your wife that her relationship with the child is NOT the center of the world... her relationship with YOU is.

The family your child grows up in is her training wheels for her experience of the world.
Your child will grow to be a better adjusted adult if she sees clearly that the
primary relationship in the family is between the husband and wife.
Children are important... but should not be made the central fact of the family, because when they go out on their own... they will NOT be the central fact of the world.

And, having seen a strong and committed partnership between you and your wife... your child will be far better prepared to have the same kind of love in her life.

Do whatever you must to make sure that you and your wife have couples time away from the incessant demands of the children. Go out to dinner together...go on vacations without the kid, or have the grandparents take her as often as is practical.

As to your sex drive... as a man you must shoulder the burden of a biology that drives you to screw whatever is available.

Just as you can make the conscious decision to re-awaken the romantic that naturally emerged when you were falling for your wife... you can make the conscious decision to BE the man you strive to be and remain faithful to your wife.

Be honest and blunt with your wife regarding sex. Allow her to be just as honest and blunt with you.
And see if you can convince her of the truth. That sexual contact with your love is as important to men as emotional contact is to women.
Its not men's fault that they bond to women thru the mutual delight in each other's physical responses.

To men... the tactile and the sensual are the primary routes to their center.

Gold Member

Man, I envy you. A wife you love dearly and a beautiful daugter too. But yes, there probably is a hormonal difference between you. At the moment your wife is probably more biologically inclined to make the young child her main focus. And at 32 your testosterone will still be strong. This might all change when your daughter starts school, which won't be long now.

I was going to advise you that I think a female ex-lover would be the most dangerous way to get some release outside of the marriage, and suggest some alternatives. But, having read what Phil has just posted ahead of me, I'd go with what he says. The obvious solution to your problem is to get what you need from your wife. You have to re-awaken her physical desire for you. Discuss it with her. A break from the kid sounds like a good idea. A weekend away, kid with relatives, wife free of parental responsibilities? Maybe with a spa treatment to make her feel good about her body?

I have been known to provide relief for married men. But I know they'd be happier men if they had a fulfulling sex-life at home.

I'm not planning on cheating on my wife, I dont think about that kind of thing, well maybe mildly while taking care of business, but otherwise its not even close to an option.

I just needed to know that its common, its been really difficult as the two things that destroy relationships seem to be finances and sex, and our finances aren't super. Either way thanks for the advance.

It is normal until this need to escape remains in your fantasies, and you don't turn it real.

I don't think you are afraid of being tamed, you said you love your wife and your daughter: inside, you are a tender and loving family man.

Maybe you are just afraid you are renouncing at something, while growing older, and that you are letting occasions escape. If this is the point, be relaxed. You aren't losing anything, because nothing in the world is better than a happy family, full of love. A screw does not worth it, what you get is far more than what you are missing.

As for the sex drive, it is very normal if in a couple one has a higher one of the other, especially after having babies. My advice is to work on it with your wife, and if you feel the urge to have more sex, and she is not up to it, and somebody else is offering it to you, remember that a wank is better than a life full of regrets, masturbate to release some sexual tension: it is healthy and harmless.

Gold Member

I haven't posted in a long long time but I feel its necessary to do so now.

5 years ago I was a single man with lots of freedom, I slept around quite a bit and enjoyed trying new things with new partners, never seemed to have any complaints so I think I was doing well for myself. Then I met my wife. In the 4 years we've been together she has gone from being a full fledged cock worshipper to a rather tame lover. I love her almost more than anything in the world second only to our 3 year old daughter.

The issue is that I'm finding it hard to adjust to such a simple life, I'm no spring chicken and I've done my share of living but maybe its just my testosterone speaking but I feel like I always wanna have sex and not just with my wife. I'm almost always ready to go and my wife is occasionally ready. Not that the sex isn't good, its just bland I guess. Basically I want to know if this is common, I still think it might be caused by my deviant past or my overly active sex drive, hell I cant tell if its because ex's keep sending me messages about wanting to screw me again, all I know is its become really difficult to just accept domestication. Any advice.

Click to expand...

:wtf2: Yes, eliminate the temptation. Break off all communication with ex-lovers, girlfriends, fuck buddys etc. Yes, it's flattering to know you still got it, but all it takes is one drunken night and BAM! You are guilt ridden and wanting to confess and there goes your marriage.

Talk to your wife and tell her everything you just told us but leave out the messages from ex's. Sometimes once a woman has children she forgets how to be a sex kitten. She gets so bogged down in work, housework, caring for a growing toddler and husband that she forgets the beauty and joy of carnal pleasures.

Talk to her, I don't think the entire problem is you being domesticated.

Gold Member

I haven't posted in a long long time but I feel its necessary to do so now.

5 years ago I was a single man with lots of freedom, I slept around quite a bit and enjoyed trying new things with new partners, never seemed to have any complaints so I think I was doing well for myself. Then I met my wife. In the 4 years we've been together she has gone from being a full fledged cock worshipper to a rather tame lover. I love her almost more than anything in the world second only to our 3 year old daughter.

The issue is that I'm finding it hard to adjust to such a simple life, I'm no spring chicken and I've done my share of living but maybe its just my testosterone speaking but I feel like I always wanna have sex and not just with my wife. I'm almost always ready to go and my wife is occasionally ready. Not that the sex isn't good, its just bland I guess. Basically I want to know if this is common, I still think it might be caused by my deviant past or my overly active sex drive, hell I cant tell if its because ex's keep sending me messages about wanting to screw me again, all I know is its become really difficult to just accept domestication. Any advice.

Click to expand...

You gave your word and bond to one woman.Forget those other women,your wife is the one to worship your cock.But remember you have to earn this worship.Be the man and you'll get what you want!

VerifiedGold Member

Do you do anything around the house to help out? Maybe she'd be more into it if she wasn't tired, or thinking of stuff that needs to be done. I know when my hubby does the laundry or the dishes for me, I am very appreciative that night!!!

Gold Member

I haven't posted in a long long time but I feel its necessary to do so now.

5 years ago I was a single man with lots of freedom, I slept around quite a bit and enjoyed trying new things with new partners, never seemed to have any complaints so I think I was doing well for myself. Then I met my wife. In the 4 years we've been together she has gone from being a full fledged cock worshipper to a rather tame lover. I love her almost more than anything in the world second only to our 3 year old daughter.

The issue is that I'm finding it hard to adjust to such a simple life, I'm no spring chicken and I've done my share of living but maybe its just my testosterone speaking but I feel like I always wanna have sex and not just with my wife. I'm almost always ready to go and my wife is occasionally ready. Not that the sex isn't good, its just bland I guess. Basically I want to know if this is common, I still think it might be caused by my deviant past or my overly active sex drive, hell I cant tell if its because ex's keep sending me messages about wanting to screw me again, all I know is its become really difficult to just accept domestication. Any advice.

Click to expand...

You need to have a talk with your wife about your needs. You also must talk about her needs. This is the only way. Good luck to you.

In this I have to disagree with njqt466, if anything does ever happend with an ex, DON'T EVER, EVER tell anyone. If you feel guilty, keep it to yourself. Confession maybe good for the soul, but it is never, ever good for a marriage.

Try planing a "date night" once a month, go out to dinner and then to a nice hotel for the evening. Send the kids to mom's. With sites like priceline or hotwire you can usually get a really fancy room for well under a $100. Motel 6 just wont cut it.
She'll be worshiping the cock in no-time.

I haven't posted in a long long time but I feel its necessary to do so now.

5 years ago I was a single man with lots of freedom, I slept around quite a bit and enjoyed trying new things with new partners, never seemed to have any complaints so I think I was doing well for myself. Then I met my wife. In the 4 years we've been together she has gone from being a full fledged cock worshipper to a rather tame lover. I love her almost more than anything in the world second only to our 3 year old daughter.

The issue is that I'm finding it hard to adjust to such a simple life, I'm no spring chicken and I've done my share of living but maybe its just my testosterone speaking but I feel like I always wanna have sex and not just with my wife. I'm almost always ready to go and my wife is occasionally ready. Not that the sex isn't good, its just bland I guess. Basically I want to know if this is common, I still think it might be caused by my deviant past or my overly active sex drive, hell I cant tell if its because ex's keep sending me messages about wanting to screw me again, all I know is its become really difficult to just accept domestication. Any advice.

Click to expand...

this IS common. i won't offer any advice because everyone's situation
is different. it is very common after the birth of a child for the woman's
attention to shift away from the spouse and toward the child.
good luck to you all.