Send me email updates about messages I've received on the site and the latest news from The CafeMom Team.
By signing up, you certify that you are female and accept the Terms of Service and have read the
Privacy Policy.

At a loss

So my daughter went to a sleepover birthday party Monday night, she is 9. While she was sleeping one of the other girls cut a chunk of her hair at the scalp. How do I approach this with the mom that hosted the sleepover? I am at a complete loss of what to say. If I figure out who did this I will be on their front steeps. I am sorry but that is assult and the girl is a bully. I am sad, I am mad, and I don't know what to do.

This was my first thought too. IF they are her "real" friends, then they will tell her who did it. Are you absolutely sure that your daughter didn't get something stuck in her hair and cut it out herself!? Based on your current reaction and the fact YOU style a NINE year old's hair, I'm wondering if your own daughter was scared of your reaction and didn't tell you the truth. I agree with some of the others, you are really over reacting, it will grow back. If, in fact, it was done at the party maybe your daughter needs new friends.

Quoting maxswolfsuit:

I would be more concerned about why my daughter didn't tell me or the host mom right away.

Did she confront the other girls? At her age she needs to stick up for herself and let the whole group this isn't OK. Keeping it to herself isn't going to help her in the long run. She needs to stand her ground and let those girls know it isn't funny.

NOT even close to the same thing! The story you are referring to involved a TEENAGER AND A TWEEN (ages 13 and 11) cutting off a THREE YEAR OLD'S hair.

Quoting incognito116:

Actually it is assault. There was a case recently where 2 girls got charged for doing the same thing.

Quoting britt6:

You are WAY overreacting. For your information hair has a tendency to grow back. Also it is not assault because your child wasn't physically harmed and really if she was emotionally harmed perhaps it's due to the fact that she has a mother who loses it at the drop of a pin. Sure it's unacceptable but so are a lot of other things like bras in the freezer but you don't see mobs of mothers running around looking for blood. Good Lord get a grip.

Quoting Lovingmomfarm:

How would you like it if someone cut your hair while you were sleeping. My guess you would not like it one bit. Never once did I saw charges. But, yes when you cut someones hair with out their permission or knowledge it is assault and the child needs to know that you cannot act like that. Yes the girl that did this to my daughter was acting like a bully. There are many forms and this falls into one of those forms.

Putting bras in the freezer is one thing but when you cut someones hair that is another. It is unaccepatble behavior.

Quoting steelcrazy:

You can call the hosts mother to let her know what happened. That is what I would do. However, I don't know what the big issue is over this. These are little girls and no one was hurt, so I can't imagine assult charges being filed. Also being a bully is a lot more than pulling a silly prank on another child at a sleep over. Whenever I was a child we used to put the first girl to fall sleep's bra in the freezer. It was a silly prank and I am guessing that this very well was done as a prank as well. *shrugs* It's hair and it will grow back.

Welcome to middle school sister. It only, for some, will get worse. It will be A LOT worse for your daughter if you go on a witch hunt. You made your call, now let it go.

Quoting Lovingmomfarm:

At the age of 9 it does not need any more involvement then parents. I am glad that I will be able to style her hair to where it will not be noticeable.

Now if they were teens or it was a drastic, where there was no way to cover it up I am not sure I would go the route of only dealing with parents.

My daughter hair goes to middle of her back and for someone to cut it at the scalp it very hurtful and mean.

Quoting mommynac:

I would call the mom and ask her if she knows anything about it. If she doesn't, I would then find out who was over and start making some phone calls to some parents. I think it is unfortunate, even mean, but I wouldn't go to the police about it. Unfortunately some kids are like this. But I would make darn sure all of the moms of these kids were informed. That is incredibly bad behavior.

Why does the age matter? And in this case, the girl was sleeping! The girls that did this to her are bullies, cutting anything off another persons body without permission is ASSULT.

Quoting mjande4:

NOT even close to the same thing! The story you are referring to involved a TEENAGER AND A TWEEN (ages 13 and 11) cutting off a THREE YEAR OLD'S hair.

Quoting incognito116:

Actually it is assault. There was a case recently where 2 girls got charged for doing the same thing.

Quoting britt6:

You are WAY overreacting. For your information hair has a tendency to grow back. Also it is not assault because your child wasn't physically harmed and really if she was emotionally harmed perhaps it's due to the fact that she has a mother who loses it at the drop of a pin. Sure it's unacceptable but so are a lot of other things like bras in the freezer but you don't see mobs of mothers running around looking for blood. Good Lord get a grip.

Quoting Lovingmomfarm:

How would you like it if someone cut your hair while you were sleeping. My guess you would not like it one bit. Never once did I saw charges. But, yes when you cut someones hair with out their permission or knowledge it is assault and the child needs to know that you cannot act like that. Yes the girl that did this to my daughter was acting like a bully. There are many forms and this falls into one of those forms.

Putting bras in the freezer is one thing but when you cut someones hair that is another. It is unaccepatble behavior.

Quoting steelcrazy:

You can call the hosts mother to let her know what happened. That is what I would do. However, I don't know what the big issue is over this. These are little girls and no one was hurt, so I can't imagine assult charges being filed. Also being a bully is a lot more than pulling a silly prank on another child at a sleep over. Whenever I was a child we used to put the first girl to fall sleep's bra in the freezer. It was a silly prank and I am guessing that this very well was done as a prank as well. *shrugs* It's hair and it will grow back.

It's a definition of power, in my opinion, and I suspect that's the way the judge saw it too. A three year old is being cared for by teens. In this case, it was peers. I don't think it was right, BUT there is no way to know for sure that the other girl's did this UNLESS someone confesses. I think at this age making it a big deal will back fire immensely on this girl.

Quoting incognito116:

Why does the age matter? And in this case, the girl was sleeping! The girls that did this to her are bullies, cutting anything off another persons body without permission is ASSULT.

Quoting mjande4:

NOT even close to the same thing! The story you are referring to involved a TEENAGER AND A TWEEN (ages 13 and 11) cutting off a THREE YEAR OLD'S hair.

Quoting incognito116:

Actually it is assault. There was a case recently where 2 girls got charged for doing the same thing.

Quoting britt6:

You are WAY overreacting. For your information hair has a tendency to grow back. Also it is not assault because your child wasn't physically harmed and really if she was emotionally harmed perhaps it's due to the fact that she has a mother who loses it at the drop of a pin. Sure it's unacceptable but so are a lot of other things like bras in the freezer but you don't see mobs of mothers running around looking for blood. Good Lord get a grip.

Quoting Lovingmomfarm:

How would you like it if someone cut your hair while you were sleeping. My guess you would not like it one bit. Never once did I saw charges. But, yes when you cut someones hair with out their permission or knowledge it is assault and the child needs to know that you cannot act like that. Yes the girl that did this to my daughter was acting like a bully. There are many forms and this falls into one of those forms.

Putting bras in the freezer is one thing but when you cut someones hair that is another. It is unaccepatble behavior.

Quoting steelcrazy:

You can call the hosts mother to let her know what happened. That is what I would do. However, I don't know what the big issue is over this. These are little girls and no one was hurt, so I can't imagine assult charges being filed. Also being a bully is a lot more than pulling a silly prank on another child at a sleep over. Whenever I was a child we used to put the first girl to fall sleep's bra in the freezer. It was a silly prank and I am guessing that this very well was done as a prank as well. *shrugs* It's hair and it will grow back.

the host mom probably didn't know it happened but to claim it couldn't have happened at her house is just being naive. did you ask her to talk to her daughter? have you talked to the parents of the other girls? even if no one fesses up perhaps just having the other parents talk to their daughter's can get them to see such an act, prank or not, is not ok.

i had lots of sleep overs as a pre-teen, we played all kinds of pranks but non were as mean spirited as cutting someones hair. prank or not the girls should understand that somethings are acceptable & others are not.

It all goes back to the fear of losing a friend. My child knows that the issue would be addressed. That I would talk to the other parent about my concern. Which needs to be done. She is worried that by doing that it will cause her to loose a friend or cause the girls house she went to to loose a friend. She told that if anyone finds out no one would want to go to this girls house. She is also very embarrassed by it. I was raised by my dad and I told him almost everything, but I know that there were things I did not tell him. Rather it was because I was embarrassed or fear of losing a friend. Each child handles things differently. My daughter is one that would rather not say anything then get someone in trouble or loose a friend.

Also maybe she was to bussy having funny playing with her friends to look in the mirror and notice her hair. Most 9 year olds don't go running to the mirror to check to see what they look like when they wake up. She did not notice it until that night. She at first didn't know how it happened. When it was noticed by me I thought about what to tell her for a day. It was the next day I told her the only way that her hair would look like that is if someone cut it.

She was and is being very mature, for a 9 year old, and handeling this. Yes she is very upset that a friend would do this to her and does not know who she can trust from the party.

Quoting steelcrazy:

Then why didn't she say something to her mother as soon as she was picked up? Why wait and let her mother discover it when fixing her hair for dance? Why not tell the hosts mother in the morning? Why not ask to call you mom and talk to her first thing in the morning? If I was upset over having my hair cut off, I'd want to talk to my mom asap.

Quoting crazymomoffour2:

maybe she didn't say anything for the fear of losing friends, or having everyone else laugh at her and makes things worse! I've been on the other side of pranks like this growing up and it really does hurt the child involved and i would of never said anything to the other person for fear of losing friends.

Quoting maxswolfsuit:

I would be more concerned about why my daughter didn't tell me or the host mom right away.

Did she confront the other girls? At her age she needs to stick up for herself and let the whole group this isn't OK. Keeping it to herself isn't going to help her in the long run. She needs to stand her ground and let those girls know it isn't funny.

The only parent that I have talked to is the host mom. I am not going to call each parent, as much as I want to, and stir up a problem. I don't want to make the other moms think that their child should not go to this child's house to play. It sucks and dealing with it sucks because you don't want to come across as blaming someones child but also want to find out what happened.

Quoting lizzig:

the host mom probably didn't know it happened but to claim it couldn't have happened at her house is just being naive. did you ask her to talk to her daughter? have you talked to the parents of the other girls? even if no one fesses up perhaps just having the other parents talk to their daughter's can get them to see such an act, prank or not, is not ok.

i had lots of sleep overs as a pre-teen, we played all kinds of pranks but non were as mean spirited as cutting someones hair. prank or not the girls should understand that somethings are acceptable & others are not.

Send me email updates about messages I've received on the site and the latest news from The CafeMom Team.
By signing up, you certify that you are female and accept the Terms of Service and have read the
Privacy Policy.