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Honesty or Attention

Okay… this has been driving me bonkers especially in recent weeks as I see more and more articles pop up on the subject. Being self aware and honest about your goals, achievements, struggles, triumphs and emotions is NOT attention seeking, or malignant narcissism.

There is something to having some bit of narcissism to maintain a healthy, and well rounded psyche. You have to look out for yourself to a certain point or you could be easily victimized and endanger yourself. It’s when the wires get crossed and you begin to look out for ONLY yourself at the expense of others where it becomes dangerous and unhealthy. That falls into the realm of malignant narcissism (NPD) and anti-social personality disorder.

It’s basically the same definition when it comes to recognizing attention seeking behavior vs self aware honesty. Attention seeking is something that is reckless and causes harm to yourself to gain the approval of others. Posting a gym selfie after a good structured workout, on a clear path to a healthy goal is not attention seeking. Posting a gym selfie after working out irresponsibly and crash dieting because you want to lose 10lbs while already under weight just so you get 500 likes? That’s attention seeking.

Posting that you’re having a hard time and need a little help is humble and honest. Posting that you’re having a hard time and need help, but rejecting any and all advice? That’s attention seeking, which can also be classified as covert malignant narcissism. Playing the victim is how it’s colloquially referred to.

Recognizing that you have been victimized, is not the same thing. People who can look back and see how the past has damaged them, accepting that they were victimized, but making choices and taking steps to move from the victim to survivor mentality? That’s just part of healing. So many times abusers go out of their way to silence their victims and steal their sense of self or their voice that it is a necessary part of the healing process to speak up about the abuse itself.

Pop culture has it backwards. All of these articles published filled with shame and sarcastic language denouncing the very things that so many people need to heal from genuine NPD abuse. It’s like societies voice is the voice of one collective malignant narcissistic hive. Anything that becomes a threat has to be mocked and ridiculed into submission.

I don’t care what anyone says: having a blog, especially one that speaks out against abuse, or injustice is extraordinary. Even sitting behind a computer and typing things up instead of jumping up on a literal soap box and street corner takes massive courage. Putting yourself out there with a neon sign painted across your chest with your opinion ready to be argued, belittled and dissected is a big fucking deal. For anyone really, but more so for those recovering from any form of abuse.

It makes my blood boil seeing negative comments on beautiful heart felt posts. I’ve learned to deal with my own hecklers, but watching new and fledgling writers, poets, artists or anyone brave enough to speak out against abuse or their abusers come under fire brings out my Mama Bear. You can’t judge a book by its cover, you can’t judge a person’s motives by one or two articles, and you can’t get to know someone until you meet them eye to eye.