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Friday, December 6, 2013

This Absurdist Life

Oh my GOSH! I think I’ve finally figured out what is goin’ on ‘round this joint…my life isn’t really my life at all, but some kind of performance piece from a Theatre of the Absurd production. Ya know, that really does explain a LOT!

Act I Scene i:
Picture if you will; a dark, moonless night. Not snow, but frozen rain spits from above. Three tired people travel the Road to Nowhere in their jolly, red car. They slow to hurl themselves around a bend, only to give pause as their headlights brush over an object resting dead-center on the dark, dreary road.

The Girl- “Hark, I say! What waits for Gadot at this icy place?”
non-absurdist translation- “What the hell’s in the road?”

The Oldest- “‘Tis but a leaf on the road. Just as we’re all leaves on the road awaiting that passing car we’ve possibly met before. But hardly.”
translation- “A leaf.”

The Girl- “But what’s the point of such a LARGE leaf when we are all but little things?”
translation- “That’s one big-ass leaf!”

The Oldest- “But does it truly be a leaf, or is it but a chicken? A chicken who never saw the point in truly crossing the road when the waiting was far more meaningful than the journey?”
translation- “Wait. Is that a…it’s a chicken!”

The Girl- “WHY IS THERE A CHICKEN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD!?!”
translation- “WHY IS THERE A CHICKEN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD!?!”

Because, at 10:45 PM, in the middle of freezing rain, there really was a friggin' hen , just SITTING in the middle of the friggin, ROAD! (Yeah sorry, I gave up on the whole Theatre of the Absurd thing.) (Just like I did in college.)

You wanna know what was even more Absurdist than a hen in the middle of the road? Watching The Oldest and The Girl chase said hen in the freezing rain. In the middle of the road. Up the front hill. Down the front hill. Up the driveway. And me trying to maneuver the car so I could keep the free show in the headlights. In a word? AWE-SOME!

OH! Just because there HAS to be WAY more weirdness than THAT in my world? Wednesday evening The Girl texted me while she was out doing the evening bird work. “new bird. come here”

Great! I figured yet ANOTHER hidden nest. Right? Oh-so very wrong! It was Polish breed Chicken that had simply walked out of he woods and straight up to The Girl where it proceeded to sit down and make these clucking noises at her until she picked it up. (Peoples, I could not even make this stuff up if I tried!)

The Girl and the mystery bird (dubbed Dontela Alba, which I was informed is Romanian for “white lace”) have already become inseparable. It’s like watching Timmy and Lassie. Except Timmy is a chick and instead of a regal Collie, it’s a chicken that looks like Phyllis Diller. But other than that, it’s totally the same!

So what’s the moral of today’s installment of This Absurdist Life? Forget “It’s Raining Men”. Around here…IT’S RAINING HENs! (That right there? Could NOT help myself and I offer no apologies for it.)

Chris Dean

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