Jacob Tobia. Jeffrey Marsh. Harry James Hanson. Hunter Schafer. CJ. Charlie. Get to know these (and hundreds more like them) as the lovely human beings they are. These gifted souls are brave enough (or just don’t give enough of a damn what others think) to live authentically, however that may look, despite some level of public shaming they’ve endured.

Whether they’re subjects of harassment and bullying, legal battles over public restroom facilities, or simply weird looks from strangers on the street, these expected social aggressions are unfortunate daily truths lived by our current generation of young trans and genderqueer people. (And by current generation of young trans and genderqueer people, I mean younger and way cooler than my generation, or I, could ever hope to be — as a middle aged, white, 40-something, cishet, boring mom of three — the youngest of whom happens to be trans, non-binary, AMAB, feminine presenting, and uses “they/them” pronouns).

I don’t mean to imply it’s just the young folks, either. I recently received a letter from a 70 year old trans woman who only now, at age 70, found the courage to come out of the closet where she masked as a cis man for decades.

These people are a force to be reckoned with. And they are only on an uphill climb as they gain larger platforms across media outlets, much to the relief of trans and genderqueer youth everywhere in America. With time as the eternal sculptor, it’s certain that one day we’ll come to a place where daily micro and macroaggressions are no longer an expected thing for trans and genderqueer people. As they are becoming more visible and culturally mainstream right before our eyes, they are going to change the social landscape.

Blurring the lines of gender, folks like those mentioned above are slowly trickling into mainstream culture and readily embraced by the hungry, open arms of Generation Z, who’ve proven time and again that they will fight for a better, more diverse and welcoming world than the one my generation has haphazardly left them. The Stoneman Douglas High School students, in the wake of the Feb. 14th Parkland shooting, are a prime example. They have shown us what it looks like when a group of young folks gives a damn, becomes “woke,” for lack of a better word (though my kids will *hate* I used that word), and ultimately, when they demand a better future.

Most of us watched the horrific Parkland, Florida tragedy unfold through our TV screens and we felt — once again — devastated, heartsick, and powerless. But something else happened; we also bore witness to the moment these amazingly strong, resilient, young members of society collectively realized their power and influence. In the face of unimaginable devastation experienced at way too young an age, the grit and determination of the Parkland students, shouting truth to power, blew most of us away. ThatAmerica, unlike the current America of trumpery, machismo, and bravado, is the America that rings true to me.

GenZ (a.k.a. iGeneration, or Post-Millennials) are mostly considered babies born around 1995 through the mid-2000’s, and they are amazing to behold. Sure, maybe I’m biased; my three kids were all born between 2000–2006 and I’ve always said they were going to change the world. But it’s not just my partial mom opinion. Many influential business and tech savvy people, and even global media outlets like Forbes,Inc. Magazine, and The Atlantic are also echoing the reverence for post-millennials and what they can bring to the table.

It is widely predicted that Gen Zers will change the future of business, technology, politics, social progress, and global care, for the betterment of everyone — not just for me, myself, and I. It’s said that by 2020, they will account for one-third of the U.S. population, certainly worth paying attention to. Gen Zers, born into a world of fast-paced and continuously updating technology, have also evolved as highly attuned experts at cultivating both community and entrepreneurship through social media, which is actually pretty brilliant. And yet, they are still capable of being socially keen and fast-thinking in face-to-face discussions and debates.

Additionally, Gen Z has grown up with and therefore expects social and cultural diversity. Combined with their lightning fast-paced learning style, open-minded nature, and desire for authenticity, it stands to reason they are automatically accepting of an ever growing gender-bending culture. Specifically, they’re okay with tearing down the patriarchy, evolving our language, and putting an end to senseless violence — especially when committed against people just trying to live comfortably in their skin.

Take Gen Z and the current young population of trans and genderqueer people, and you have a whole generation of folks giving a collective middle finger to a patriarchal society ruled by cishet men who’ve imposed arbitrary rules and sanctions on gender roles and gender expectations.

Why is Gen Z so against these arbitrary gender rules and sanctions? There’s an awful lot to unpack there, but in a nutshell, because they’re arbitrary. And outdated. And, because it really sucks that cisgender, heterosexual males — especially cishet males with unchecked white privilege — continue dominating American institutions, culture, politics, professions, wealth, etc., etc., in spite of their bad behavior (think: the election of Reality TV show host and snake oil salesman, Donald J. Trump, to the highest, most respected office in the United States Government.)

Look at the current Republican party, specifically, the older white men in D.C. who are supposed to be representing their people. This isn’t the Republican party. It’s the party of Trump, and it looks nothing like the Republican party I once knew. It’s no coincidence that it’s these same type of males who are propagating the heteropatriarchy — they’re in their death throes; they’re smoke and mirrors, they’re rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic as it sinks.

It’s these males who, from childhood, are shaming and squashing the uniqueness out of anyone with feminine tendencies. It’s these males who are man-spreading and taking up room that almost certainly should go to someone else more talented, who is not a cishet, white male. After all, a whole lot of success in America rode in on the shoulders of giants who never gave their consent in the first place.

“Most straight people still can’t see the difference between a drag queen and a trans woman. They see effeminate gay men, drag queens, and trans women — all ‘faggots.’ In a straight man’s world, there’s no need to tell us apart.” — Charlene Incarnate

Of course, women buy into the patriarchy as well, and many are happy to keep it that way. It’s sort of an unexpected reality, like how there’s transphobia running rampant within the LGB community. But, it seems that is all beginning to change for the better with Gen Z. They are sick and tired of racism, bigotry, homophobia, transphobia, misogyny, xenophobia, and the like, proudly parading around Washington D.C. like a three ring circus. And it has only been one year. (And did I mention these kids are mere teenagers?) Kids born in 2002 and earlier will be eligible to vote in the next Presidential election for the first time in two more years, my oldest two included. These kids are already thinking and talking about it like a rite of passage not to be taken for granted.

Look around a bit and you’ll likely begin to notice gender nonconformity becoming more the default iconic look than Disney princesses or Marvel superheroes. Whether with TV show characters like Eleven from Stranger Things, or video/online games like Minecraft and Roblox, there’s equal appeal for boys, girls, and non-binaries. Whether it’s the world of haute couture and the showcasing of supermodels like Leyna Bloom and Casil Mcarthur, or the world of human rights activists, speakers, creators, and authors like Buck Angel, or Janet Mock, there’s equal appeal for every gender and a universal message for all people.

Now is the time. Do you feel like your gender is a square peg trying to fit into a round hole? Now is the time to do yourself a favor and start living your gender authentically, however that looks to you, however much it goes against the expected, traditional, stereotypical gender norms. It could be now or never. No more hiding in the closet. No more bowing down to fear.

And my fellow cis folks who might think anything outside the notion of stereotypical boy or girl is just plain ridiculous, or maybe just the latest “P.C.” adventure? Buckle up. For that matter, come along for the ride! These kids will one day be taking care of us, and it’s never any of our business what genitals they have underneath that Utilikilt. But that’s what we’re really communicating every time we ask, “are you a boy or girl?” What we’re *really* asking is “what genitals do you have?” because that’s how we categorize things, neatly, into one of two boxes.

We forget (or don’t realize) that gender, like many things in life, is a spectrum. Gender is not binary. There are endless possible combinations. For the record, biological sex isn’t binary either — intersex people are the proof. Gender is many things, but it isn’t binary. It is born in the soul and developed in the brain. Unfortunately, this is hard for many folks to understand because the way we’ve been taught to define and understand gender is merely as an arbitrary, social construct. It wasn’t that long ago that pink was the designated color for boys, blue for girls, and high heels were originally designed for men. Gender diversity is nothing new. Many other cultures and religions have always recognized more than two genders.

Now is the time to claim back gender for what it really is. Now is the time to stop shaming people who are brave enough to live and express their gender authentically. The walls are coming down. Gen Zers are not interested in facades. And now is the time for anyone who just doesn’t (or refuses to) “get it” to just sit and simply listen.

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Martie Todd Sirois (pronounced 'sir-ROY') is a writer whose work has been frequently featured on HuffPost, Medium, Scary Mommy, and several other media outlets. Martie is also the mom who wrote & posted a letter on social media in 2016 that went viral, thanking the tween girls' clothing store Justice. In the turbulent aftermath of her state's notorious anti-LGBTQ law, HB2 (the "bathroom bill"), Martie wanted to thank Justice for giving her (then, gender creative son) a wonderful and affirming experience despite local government trying to mandate public accommodations (including bathrooms, locker rooms, and changing facilities) to be gender segregated exclusively by the sex indicated on one's birth certificate. She hoped by making her Facebook post public, she could let her local LGBTQ+ community know that this store was an affirming environment for TGNC kids. She never expected it to go viral, but within a few days of publishing it, that letter had been shared over 25,000 times, and two years later, continues to be circulated widely around the internet, with new people discovering it and seeking Martie out to relay how much her letter touched them for various reasons.
Martie has also been featured on BuzzFeed, Upworthy, That Odd Mom, Spoke for Red Tricycle, The Good Men Project, Today Show Parenting Community, and many other media outlets. Some of her work has been translated and syndicated worldwide.
While she has enjoyed a 30+ year “hobby career” performing on stage as an award-winning actress in both musical and non-musical theatre, Martie now enjoys using her free time to write about any and everything - but mostly about life with three children, the youngest of whom has been gender non-conforming since the age of 2 1/2 years old. In the process of learning how best to support a TGNC child who avidly swims against the current, Martie has also unwittingly (but lovingly) become a speaker, educator, and advocate for the LGBTQ and especially, the TGNC (trans and gender non-conforming) communities.
As someone who "writes for therapy" and has kept numerous journals all her life, Martie got her first public and professional writing experience when she read some of her blog material out loud for the first time ever, in an audition, and was then cast in the national live reading event series, Listen To Your Mother (RDU, 2016). For eight years, LTYM gave local writers across all 50 states and Canada a platform to read their original work on motherhood (or about mothers) before a live audience, and to have their readings enshrined forever on the YouTube LTYM channel. LTYM opened up many opportunities for Martie, starting with sharing some of her work on WUNC Radio's (NPR affiliate, NC) "The State of Things" with Frank Stasio. (LTYM, founded by Ann Imig, concluded its eight-year run with a national series finale in 2017.)
For her writing, Martie has also been interviewed by John Fugelsang on SiriusXM Insight's "Tell Me Everything, With John Fugelsang;" by The Washington Post; by Kind World of WBUR Radio (NPR, Boston); and she particpated with her husband and TGNC child in "StoryCorps," the prestigious Peabody award-winning podcast that shares important unscripted conversations, with weekly broadcasts debuting on NPR's "Morning Edition." Martie's family's story was one of the recorded stories chosen by StoryCorps to be publicly aired in or around September of 2017.
Martie is also the founder and leader of S.E.A.R.CH. (Safe Environmient for the Acceptance of Rainbow CHildren), a program of the LGBT Center of Raleigh, that serves as a playgroup for TGNC children ages 12 and under, and as a discussion group for parents. S.E.A.R.CH. also has a secret Facebook group which currently allows over 260 members, from all over the country and beyond, to celebrate, and have connections with other parents & caregivers supportively raising TGNC children.
Martie has proudly served on The Family Equality Council, (Southern Advisory Board), and greatly enjoys opportunities to guest lecture or speak on gender, inclusiveness, gender diversity, and the issues facing TGNC people. She has presented on these topics at a range of locations, from public universities like NCSU, to more private settings among public school guidance counselor meetings. Martie also spoke on a panel that presented on the topic of creating safe & inclusive spaces for LGBTQ+ students, in the Safe Schools of NC's annual Conference for Educators.
When not working or writing, Martie loves living and volunteering in her hometown in NC with her husband, Matt, their three beautiful children, and their two peculiar but lovable pets.
Visit her online at: www.gendercreativelife.com
Twitter: @TheMartieSirois