Update: I was unfortunately not aware of Shamus Young's severe criticism of Fallout 3 available here to link in the original piece and I regret that. It dovetails rather nicely with what I've written and it's much better executed than my piece. I strongly recommend anyone...

Don't believe the hype.

What up, yo! It's your boy B. Gizzle in the hizzle! Just the other day me and
my homies were layin' back in the cut, talkin' bout how the rap game ain't gettin
no love from the peeps up in the video game joint. I mean, Def
Jam was tite and
all, but how's a playa gonna work on his rhymes when all he got to spit is some
Michael Jackson and Bette Midler? Why can't they get some Snoop or Dre up in
this b####? Fo reals, it's all a conspiracy by some haters to keep us down,
yo.

If
you were actually able to understand all of that,
there's at least a slight chance you'll be interested in the new "rapaoke" game
from Eidos,
Get On Da Mic. That's right - rapaoke. Finally, hip-hop gamers
can live out their dreams of rhyming along to their favorite beats and being
judged for it. Unfortunately, what sounds marginally good on paper is a nightmare
of a game, and despite its impressive musical lineup, should just be booed off
stage.

It's odd that a music game with so many hits behind it can fall so flat. The
All-Star cast includes the likes of Biggie, Dre, Snoop and Tupac, as well as
other hits like 'Ruff Ryder's Anthem' from DMX and even Digital Underground's
'Humpty Dance' for the hip-hop clowns. Think that's all? Get
On Da Mic brings
even more game with old-school classics like Salt N Pepa's 'Push It' and 'Rapper's
Delight' from The Sugarhill Gang. All that's missing is a killer track from the
fast rappin' Busta Rhymes or Twista for a a real challenge. The hip-hop crowd
has never seen a musical cast of this caliber assembled in one place outside
of one of those cheesy compilation infomercials.

But as soon as you start to actually play the game, things fall apart faster
than a Pimp
My Ride reject. The single-player game has a couple of uninteresting modes
including Exhibition, Practice and Freestyle. Career mode is where you'll find
the meat of the game as you take one of six rappers from the bathroom to the
big time. As you progress, you'll
earn cash for cars, clothes and cribs, though none of it has any real impact
on the game. Apparently, it's still all about the bling.

In
true karaoke fashion, the awesome track list is butchered by horrific background
vocals. I'm amazed that they spent the money to get the licenses for these
songs, yet skimped on getting the actual artists that made them hits. Here,
all you'll find are American Idol rejects rappin' behind you.

There also seems to be some confusion about which lyrics to rap. Some songs want
you to include every little "yeah!" and "okay!" Lil' Jon
style,
while others make you listen to the wannabe spit out the entire hook. There's
just no rhyme or reason to it. And to add even more confusion, you'll need
to rap censored curse words. The radio cuts were used for the majority of the
tracks to keep the game 'Teen' rated, but you've still got
plenty of words like "n####" and "b####" to
look forward to. What the f###?

The drugged out lyric bar doesn't help things, either. Maybe it's just the nature
of the rap game, but if you don't already know the lyrics, there's no way you'll
be able to keep up with a bar that is flying through words one second and crawling
along the next. Even if you do know the track, the timing isn't always exactly
the same as the original mix, making for a whole new way of rappin' that song.

But
by far the biggest wrench thrown into this game is the fact that it doesn't even
work. Since raps aren't "sung" the same way traditional songs are, pitch doesn't
come into play at all. That means that as long as you make some sort of noise
at the appropriate time, you'll do fine. I was able to stumble through entire
songs and even nab top scores by making random barnyard noises. Can I get a quack
quack? Sometimes, even silence will garner big points. Or maybe that's just the
game's
way of telling you to be quiet. Whoever built this thing needs to lay off the
pipe.

A few multiplayer modes are included as well, but considering how broken the
game is, you won't be able to talk anyone else into playing without a pretty
good assortment of forties as incentive. Eyetoy owners can hook up their camera
and watch themselves rap, but they can also just stand in front of a mirror.

And that's probably a better idea than looking at Get
On Da Mic's lousy graphics. Stupid-looking digital thugs represent you
while you rap, but the bad lip synching and failure to move on the beat makes
it worse than a Milli
Vanilli concert (or for you youngsters, Ashlee
Simpson. That acid reflux disease is a real motherf#####.)

While it's nice to see the rap game represented, it's terrible to see it happen
like this. Get
On Da Mic sets the stage for success with an awesome track list, but
fails miserably with its totally weak skills. Please, put down the mic.