I'd Rather Get Beat Up In An Alley—Santa, Please Help!

I know it’s last minute but this year I’ve got a really improtant wish I need to add to my list. Actually, I need you to put it at the top. I’ve analyzed the playoff standings, read all the local sports pages, and I’ve come to the conlusion that you and your reindeer are the Jets’ only hope of making the playoffs.

So if you can find it somewhere in your jovial heart to give us one very unlikely Christmas Miracle we promise to put out wings and beer next year instead of cookies and milk. Even those of us who don’t celebrate Christmas will do it. Kwanzanites, Jews, Muslims, Agnostics, Branch Davidians, Scientologists—there are Jets fans of all faiths, shapes, and sizes and we’ve really had a rough couple of months.

I know the team itself might not look like they deserve it, but Belichick cheats so neither do the Patriots. Ever been to Boston? Grumpy, wicked Retaaahhds everywhere…Stay away Santa, trust me.

I can’t imagine a worse predicament for Jets fans. We can beat Miami and in doing so we put New England in the playoffs. If we lose to Miami, Chad Pennington takes his noodle arm to the dance and has a very long, loud, hurtful, last laugh.

See Santa? Without you we’re stuck between committing Hari Kari and pulling a Bendict Arnold. A gift is in order. Remember when I was eight and wanted that GI Joe aircraft carrier so bad? You never brought me one but you did bring my little sister a flying squirrel that Christmas.

If you bring me a Buffalo victory come Sunday, I’ll finally let that one go. Promise- seriously I’ll never bring it up again. Is a Bills victory that much harder to find than a flying squirrel? You probably had to go Brazil to find that little winged rat. Buffalo isn’t nearly so remote. Ok, maybe it is but you won’t have to feed the team in your sleigh.

Sincerely,

All of us who are beaten down by Mangini’s “what are you thinking”-ness

ps. I realize that in writing this letter to you I’m deflecting all of the inconsistencies and poor execution problems that the Jets have. Pointing out how terrible Mangini and his staff have been just doesn’t sit right with me during this time of the year. I can’t help but be hopeful. Ill blame that on the egg nog. Happy Holidays to all.