My View: We need to try to understand our teens

Saturday

Nov 11, 2017 at 7:01 PMNov 11, 2017 at 11:18 PM

By Mia Raether

About this series: The popular and controversial Netflix series “13 Reasons Why” is about a teenage girl who dies by suicide. Mia Raether, certified family life educator and founder of Ask Ms. Mia, has been providing a list of discussion questions on each of the episodes to encourage conversations with your children. These questions are intended to aid in discussion and are not meant to supersede the help that can be provided by a health care professional. This is the last part of the discussion series.

If you have watched the Netflix series "13 Reasons Why" and haven’t watched the interview with the producers ("13 Reasons Why: Beyond the Reasons"), please do. If you haven't watched the show, but you have kids in your life, I urge you to watch just this episode. It gives insight into how teenagers think and why they act the way they do. It’s so incredibly important that we try to understand them if we want to guide them.

The story ended without showing the viewers what happened to each of the characters. It leaves loose ends, as though unfinished. A purely entertainment production might be criticized for leaving the viewer hanging. Beyond the desire to sell books, it seems the purpose for writing "13 Reasons Why" was also to shine a light on the culture of our young people and force us to stop ignoring it.

I recognize the argument that some have about the irresponsibility of showing a suicide on a TV program, and I understand that people who have had someone close to them die by suicide are at higher risk of taking their own life.

I see the scary value in those truths. And yet, I think that if this show provokes humanity and compassion, incites unity and kindness, and provides a vehicle for adults and young people to talk about these issues, then I’m glad it exists.

"13 Reasons Why: Beyond the Reasons" is the most important “episode” of all. If you have an influential role in the lives of kids, please watch it. Just gather the information and then decide how to use it. What could possibly be more important than the emotional well-being of our children?

“There’s life beyond what you’re feeling at the moment.”

Numerous times throughout the series, a message is flashed across the screen inviting viewers to access more information about getting help at their information hub website, 13reasonswhy.info. This resource provides websites and phone numbers for the The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, JED (mental health resource center), and the Crisis Text Line. These resources are thorough and valuable. There is also a link for talking about the series. I am copying and pasting some of the talking points here:

• "13 Reasons Why" is a fictional (made up) story. It is meant to raise awareness of suicide and is not based on any single or real person. Hannah’s story is not reality.

• Suicide is not a common response to life’s challenges or adversity. The vast majority of people who experience bullying, the death of a friend, or any other adversity described in 13RW do not die by suicide. In fact, most reach out, talk to others and seek help or find other productive ways of coping. They go on to lead healthy, normal lives.

• Suicide is never a heroic or romantic act. Although some might watch 13RW and see Hannah in that way, there is nothing heroic in 13RW. In fact, 13RW can be viewed as a tragedy.

• It is important to know that, in spite of the portrayal of a serious treatment failure in 13RW, there are many treatment options for life challenges, distress and mental illness. Treatment works.

• Suicide affects everyone, and everyone can do something to help if they see or hear warning signs that someone is at risk of suicide.

• If someone tells you they are suicidal, take them seriously and get help.

• Hannah's suicide in the show blames other people for her suicide. Suicide is never the fault of survivors of suicide loss. There are resources and support groups for suicide loss survivors.

Mia Raether, certified family life educator and founder of Ask Ms. Mia, works with families, in their homes, providing advice on reducing frustration and teaching problem-solving skills to guide children’s behavior. Contact her at: 608-314-6593; askmsmia.com.

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