Expert
Dating
Advice

Your Partners Choices Reveal Inner
Thoughts

"My ex-wife can best be described as looking like
Barbie with the hair of Einstein, the personality
of Rodney Dangerfield, the attitude of Napoleon,
the morals of Hitler, and on a good day, as kind as
the wicked witch of the west.

I don't imagine the woman described above would
describe herself in quite the same terms. This is
because people see different qualities in each
other than they see in themselves. Emotions
motivate descriptions, both good and bad, and are
given out based on the feelings one person has for
another.

Many people can be described as looking like
someone famous. This can be flattering at times but
it really doesn't say much about the person being
describe other than what his physical attributes
are. However, if asked which famous person's
personality most reminds you of someone, a much
more powerful image is described. Take for instance
the difference between, "He looks just like Bruce
Lee" and "He has the personality of Cher." When
imagining the characteristics of someone famous, it
is easy to sum up their characteristics quickly and
succinctly. When describing your partner's
characteristics, it isn't always as easy,
especially when the description isn't
favorable.

Put it to the Test

The exercise in this section is about getting to
know how you and your partner really view each
other qualities. The goal of this test is to
examine the discrepancy between your views and your
partners. To directly ask your mate to
describe your good and bad points is as threatening
as it would be for you to be as honest about your
opinions. If done directly, each person tends to
downplay accurate descriptions. This exercise acts
as a buffer to true feelings.

You can ask 10 people to describe each person
below and you will get 10 different
characterizations. This test is projective in
nature, in that you and your partner will see in
others what is actually in your thoughts. For
example, let's say you choose Einstein to describe
your partner because you think he is a genius.
Another person may also say Einstein, but because
she views her partner as a boring recluse. The
reality of the famous person's life is
irrelevant.

Instructions

When using this test on your partner, you will
need to ask him one or more of the questions below.
The more questions you ask, the more information
you will be able to learn about your
relationship.

Which characters embraces your partner
description? Why?

Which character best describes yourself?
Why?

Choose a character that you would like your
partner to be more like? Why?

Which character would you like to be more
like? Why?

Pick a character that describes your
partner's most unattractive feature? Why?

Which character best describes your most
unattractive feature? Why?

Select a character who describes your
partner at his ugliest? Why?

Which character describes you at your
ugliest? Why?

Choose a character to describes your partner
at his best? Why?

Which character sums you up at your best?
Why?

Which character needs to be on this list to
better describe you or your partner? Why?

Nancy Fagan is
the best-selling author of 'The Complete Idiot's
Guide to Romance' and 'Desirable Men: How to Find
Them' has appeared on several hundred radio and
television shows including Ricki Lake, Men are from
Mars/Women are from Venus, ABC News, NBC News, CBS
News, The Berman & Berman Show, FOX News. She
has been featured in most major newspaper in the
United States and worldwide as well as regularly
mentioned in the nation's top magazines such as
Ladies' Home Journal ('Can this Marriage be
Saved?'), Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Men's Health,
Bride's, Seventeen, Women's Day, Family Circle,
Women's Own, BBW, Complete Women and dozens of
others. To read more, visit www.ExpertDatingAdvice.com
This column is reprinted with permission from
NancyFagan@ExpertDatingAdvice.com
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