“Uh, Mr. Franco? Mr. Franco? Everyone left an hour ago. The Shriners’ Ball is in two hours and we need to reset the room, so for the last time, could you PLEASE shut the fuck up and get off the stage?”

“I’ve been trying to work this through my head too…so I showed up for auditions saying I have played green arch villains before and I can totally rock a lizard suit. That didn’t pan out and so I instantly went into a great impression of William Defoe and that didn’t fly either. So I hung upside down from a lighting bar and asked Andrew to kiss me and that totally worked! I’m playing Terrified Customer #4.”

“So then I just ad libbed ‘Dopest dope you’ve ever smoked’…I don’t know, it just came out of me and I blew my own mind. Of course, we had to delay shooting for 2 weeks and neither Seth or Lumberg will even look at me anymore…but what are you gonna do? C’est la vie, I guess…”

“And just like that, BOOM, the water shot up my ass, and that is when I knew I made the right choice by eating that corn last night! It’s those nights of toilet water up your ass that make you glad to be alive.”