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I’ve done this and it feels great. Donna Eden shows how to trace the meridians (energy paths) in the body in order to feel energized. She is one of the speakers on the tapping conference on day 6 or 7, she’s still on now in my timezone. She is in the blue room, scroll down from the red and green room.

I have a new hypotheses: follow the happy people and see where it brings me.

I am happy that I quit, that still works, so that’s good. Had tiny urges last Friday after having done some very dusty and physical construction (well demolition) work at a friends and biking home in the spring sun suddenly made me ache for a beer. Guessing that is how I ‘learned’ to drink: work hard with my parents constructing a new house and drink beer after. Also the energy of nature awakening and the general feeling of ‘spring’ in the air to me is a little unsettling, getting in high spirits that I would usually let go of by drinking a lot, possibly in combination with taking a guy home from a pub. So…. that was informative. I guess I’ll need to keep an eye on that high spirits aspect in the coming weeks/months. Use if for something. Like spring cleaning 🙂 or sports :-).

I want: tot get organised but I still do not want to take that last step where I decide. Maybe, maybe I should take it easy on me and just do a little thing like not

I need: to get organised, and I feel I’m almost ready to accept that. I’m getting frustrated with how little I do in a day, even though I now wake up at 7:00 in the morning.

I want to: get organised but I still do not want to put the effort in. Just waiting for that rock-bottom? Learned a lot from Brad (?) on the procrastinating tapping interview. Where he tells (very free ‘quotes’) ‘While procrastinating we actually think that we take good care of ourselves – that is why and how we hang onto it.’ ‘If we procrastinate seriously we wait for rock-bottom to actually finally take action we are inspired by misery and somehow only think that doing stuff must be miserable’. These insights were (are?) very valuable to me. And now I come to think of it: procrastinating is one of my biggest ‘black holes’. I am so in denial that I do not even look for answers, I might listen if/when they happen to be on my path but otherwise? I can look up 10.001 things on the net, read books but never about this. Very uncomfortable with it. I feel as if I have ‘done so much already’ with quitting drinking.

I take: yeah, well, something funny here, I take Magnesium salt for (against…) a tiny muscle that tics above my eyelid but it is not going away and another effect that should be going away ‘being hungry after a meal’ has suddenly developed. It is strange. And expensive. And fattening :-D. Need to look up how this works. In Bach remedies or homeopathic medicine it can sometimes happen that at first things get worse. That means that the remedy is correct but the dose or strength is not. Hmmm, need to feel into that. Nah, don’t feel like it. 😀

It does. And in that way it is interesting to feel what it happening now I am on the verge of falling in love. It is also sickening because I brainwashed myself to connect longing to nausea. Well, that works. And no, it will not be a good idea to undo that conditioning.

Trying to fight biology with reason here. That is difficult. I guess now I am really experiencing my first cravings. Not so much for the sexual part obviously, that would be prepre-premature. More for a longing for belonging. Not having to do everything alone – which I don’t have to, it’s just that I can not get to the point where I can depend on people. That creates loneliness in me. And in reply to that there is this voice saying: ‘Better than having your heart being stepped on again.’ Guess there is some work to do there.

The inner voice says: It is too early. It is not good.

And rereading what I wrote I realised that I think I can trust people (well, men) when I have sex with them. I’ll get to that when it is time for my trust issue.

I am having difficulty reading sober blogs because people seem to keep falling of the grid. It hurts. And I have difficulty reading the despair. So I have unfollowed people. Sorry. I just can not be reminded time and time again of how bad it was. I need to extend my sober basis and currently that is by following sober examples – getting the feel of how it is done. Living. Coping. When you are in the category of being unfollowed and still reading this. Sorry. I am feeling that I let you down, burning my path clear of any obstacles no matter the costs. But I guess that is how I feel about not drinking: I am in survival mode. I have only one chance to get myself back on track. My pink clouds have carried me a long while, from what I read I think to understand they are not as pink or not as cloudy when one tries a second time. Money on the bank is not forever. Years ago I have been house-less for 7 months – that really made my addiction kick-in. Can’t deal with that again. There is urgency so there must be vigilance.

So I guess I need to cut off the bookman too. And again I need to be reborn and fight my way out of this longing for belonging experience. Sad now. Fucking hell I screwed up so much opportunities in life over this fucking addiction. AAAAAARGHHH!!!!! Frustrated.

Bed time. No good can come from this. Here is a piece of the bookman his favorite music that happens to be mine too. Moments in love. How applicable. It is beautiful. The beginning of the vid is a little tacky but the rest is beautiful to listen and watch. 🙂

Still not feeling 100%, guessing it comes from the giving blood at the GP or from kicking of the sugar. I was pretty clean but pretty clean did not work out to be enough and today I am experiencing cravings. Sugar cravings mainly but there are these thoughts that say that a beer would be a good solution too. So quitting sugar for 100% is actually effecting my alcohol cravings. Exactly what the book said. But I am not happy about it.

And now I have this feeling of ‘pffffff…. bored now…..’ that tells me the solutions should come from the outside. Did sleep this afternoon, calmed me down a little.

I should take better care of eating enough and regularly. Still not doing that properly. Why not? I’m a bit tired of my own moaning and sternness. Trap. I still have difficulty thinking so I might as well eat something and be of to bed.

I should have set the egg timer every 15 minutes, I would have noticed earlier that I had not eaten enough. I did eat but it was raw red cabbage with carrots, apple, fresh ginger and a yoghurt dressing. Very good! But it probably takes more calories than it brings…

That’s the bad thing with low sugar, it also affects the brain and it makes me careless. Grrrrrr… I don’t want this. Moaning now. And there is the desperate feeling. Hello! If only all of my life I would have known this. Want to win a war? Cut down the sugar supply to the country and you are done. Did you know that the country that I live in has its own heavily subsidised sugar production? It is by no means commercial but it is considered to be of strategic importance.

Happy that I quit. A bit surprised that I come to my first real craving at, what is it, 6 weeks or so. Lucky that they are about sugar. Happy that I know how it works. Irritated that I know but don’t act upon it. Need to stock up tomorrow as well because we will do a 50km bike tour. Which is good!!! Not proud, didn’t do The Plan, started it but went to sleep.

Getting sober has introduced a whole new language to me. How about ‘training the sober muscle’ or this one: urge surfing? It is about when you have a craving and you don’t run away from it but stay with it. It describes very well what I did when reading Jason Vale’s book on quitting with drinking. I still drank at that time. That made it easier to get all the information in and discover some new terrain without being fearful.

WARNING: DON’T READ THIS WHEN YOU HAVE DIFFICULTY WITH CRAVINGS. I found the text brought cravings back.

Talk to someone you trust: your sponsor, a supportive family member or friend, or someone from your faith community.

Distract yourself until the urge passes. Go for a walk, listen to music, do some housecleaning, run an errand, or tackle a quick task.

Remind yourself of your reasons for not drinking. When you’re craving alcohol, there’s a tendency to remember the positive effects of drinking and forget the negatives. Remind yourself that drinking won’t really make you feel better.

Accept the urge and ride it out, instead of trying to fight it. This is known as “urge surfing.” Think of your craving as an ocean wave that will soon crest, break, and dissipate. When you ride out the craving, without trying to battle, judge, or ignore it, you’ll see that it passes more quickly than you’d think.

The 3 basic steps of urge surfing:

Take an inventory of how you experience the craving. Do this by sitting in a comfortable chair with your feet flat on the floor and your hands in a comfortable position. Take a few deep breaths and focus your attention inward. Allow your attention to wander through your body. Notice where in your body you experience the craving and what the sensations are like. Notice each area where you experience the urge, and tell yourself what you are experiencing. For example, “My craving is in my mouth and nose and in my stomach.”

Focus on one area where you are experiencing the urge. Notice the exact sensations in that area. For example, do you feel hot, cold, tingly, or numb? Are your muscles tense or relaxed? How large an area is involved? Notice the sensations and describe them to yourself. Notice the changes that occur in the sensation. “My mouth feels dry and parched. There is tension in my lips and tongue. I keep swallowing. As I exhale, I can imagine the smell and tingle of booze.”

Repeat the focusing with each part of your body that experiences the craving. Describe to yourself the changes that occur in the sensations. Notice how the urge comes and goes. Many people, when they urge surf, notice that after a few minutes the craving has vanished. The purpose of this exercise, however, is not to make the craving go away but to experience the craving in a new way. If you practice urge surfing, you will become familiar with your cravings and learn how to ride them out until they go away naturally.