Penn Links

Gonna have ourselves a South Park marathon? On Sunday, the channel was changed in Mark’s from the usual local news and/or sports station to Comedy Central (for a solid 8 HOURS), bringing some Cartman into our bleak, midterm-riddled existences. Why the tone-shift, you may ask? Maybe the good people of the café just wanted us to find some Zen in our lives, or maybe someone went rogue and decided to be the architect of their own TV choices. Either way, watching a closed-captioned Kenny die on repeat while your GPA drops beats sending another ironic Snapchat captioned “VP for daiz” while you stare at the faded mahogany of a 5th floor cubicle, pining for spring break.

We’re not really sure why you’d ever be over at 38th
and Market (especially in this weather) but if you do get lost one day trying
to find Chili’s, we suggest stopping in at Corner Bakery Café to reflect on
your poor navigational skills.

Opening on Wednesday, March 25, Corner Bakery is
what we imagine as a less expensive, possibly worse Metropolitan Bakery.
Or a Panera that added pancakes to their menu.

If you do choose to schlep over to Corner Bakery,
we recommend going on opening day as the first 100 customers will
take home a travel mug (that you’ll probably drop and break on
the way home) and free coffee for a year (which sounds good until you realize it's on 38th and Market). So welcome Corner Bakery, like we told all our NSO
friends, we should toootally get
lunch sometime.

The fifth floor of Van Pelt Library has been stripped to its bare bones. All that remains is an awkward modern seating area and a glass staircase protruding from the fancy ass sixth floor. What's being built here? Where are the books? Why is it sometimes being vacuum cleaned? We don't know. And Van Pelt won't tell us. So, we've decided to speculate on a few possible uses of this mysterious concrete cavern.

It's going to be a boxing ring because the last round of OCR is actually like fight club and it has to take place on campus.

It's going to be a playroom to leave your friends when you go study just like your mom used to do when she went grocery shopping.

It's going to be a nice warm place for all the dogs on campus to meet up at night and play poker while PennVet is under construction.

It's going to be a space for the crossover between 50 Shades of Grey and the Wharton start-up incubator because it has lot of hard surfaces and open spaces to experiment.

It's going to be a rehearsal space for Penn's ONLY grad student dance troupe because the graduate students need to be able to quickly steal their registered carrels at all times.

"...Weigle, Weigle, Weigle." Or, at least that's how we envision the 2015 remake of this classic 2007 magical musical moment. Created to celebrate the opening of the Weigle Information Commons and nominated for the Best Musical Category of the Libvid Awards (obviously), our latest video find is perhaps one of the most earnest videos we've ever seen.

You know what, vocally talented and incredibly happy singers? We agree! Despite students occasionally yelling into cell phones and the lack of convenient bathrooms, Weigle is great. It has booths reminiscent of a waiterless diner, its own printing section with a working stapler, and opportunities for a mini power trip when you claim your reserved space. In fact, after watching this, we can't help but skip there whistling with all our friends right now! Because in Weigle, everything's waiting for youuuuuuu.

Now this is what we like to see: Penn students braving the elements! Featured here is some fine cross-campus skiing, which some are calling the only socially acceptable real
way to navigate campus during these trying temperatures (looking at you, DRL
Lyft-ers). Just goes to show that Penn kids understand resourceful transportation, and that we’ll really stop at nothing to get to Van Pelt.

A photo is worth a thousand words, but recently we’ve
developed a penchant forvideos.
So tipsters keep your phones out, and send us anything at tips@underthebutton.com.

We've already had our fair share of bathroom related messages telling us to clean up our act. However, the fun just doesn't stop. See below for two fun little notes from VP and McClelland.

It seems some Van Pelt dwellers are upset about our bathroom etiquette. But fear not: someone had the courtesy to place such a well-thought-out, perfectly punctuated note in the bathroom to make sure the accident won't happen again.

In a long, intimidating paragraph of instructions for a paper, one English professor warned students about the dangers of not proofreading, only to inadvertently fall victim to a typo. But what if this typo was intentional? What if the lovely faculty at Penn are so clever that they strategically place their misspellings to illustrate a newly-developed pedagogy? Teaching doesn't just take place in the classroom – it takes place at 2 a.m. when you're hopelessly scrolling through Canvas. We'll cut this professor some slack, though, because we've certainly made "other others" before. Profs: they're just like us!

If you're reading this, it means you've made it to the final stretch before spring break. You've come a long way since January, friends! As a lil' pre-spring gift from us to you, we've gone ahead and marked (***) the events this week that have free food. You're so welcome! No, YOU'RE literally the sweetest.

Tuesday

If you're confused about what thesePILOTs everyone's been talking about lately are, or you wanna know the story behind Amy's infamous Christmas party, or you're just a decent human being in favor of funding for public schools, head over to Houston at 7.***

On horrible snowy days like this when nothing else seems good, one thing that we can remember is that our moms really do love us! Although she was confused about the appropriate venue to voice her sentiments, one Penn mom luv-ingly commented on the official University of Pennsylvania Facebook to remind her offspring to stay safe and avoid walking alone at night – and to remind us that moms don't really get how to use Facebook.

Scenes that would have induced a deluge of #winterwonderland instas just two months ago now evoke pure rage in our hearts and minds. Not only does this endless snow/hail nonsense create a never-ending slipperiness that endangers us, but it also has decided to fall only on weekends when it has absolutely no chance of preventing professors from making it to class from the 'burbs. F*** It February might be over, but the sentiment lives on for another day. We're over you, wintry mix. We're off to PV.