Sunday, November 18, 2007

deCodeJeans4Me.com

Dear Gullible Consumer,

Thank you for allowing me to introduce my new company, deCodeJeans4Me.com, where we promise to tell you if you’re at high risk of all kinds of scary diseases as well as determine your ancestral roots, by looking at your jeans. You see, we have a patented way to predict what diseases you might contract by merely having you send us a pair of your jeans from the privacy of your own home to our fancy multi-zillion dollar laboratory. We will run over a million tests to identify small imperfections in the color and contour of your jeans that we have been carefully correlated to your jean-etic risk factor for hundreds of ailments. Using fancy machines, our well-meaning staff will determine your Every Disease Known Score (EDKS) that no one else understands but us. And once we see what your EDKS looks like, we’ll tell you, based on the world’s literature, what your chances of getting a disease might be so you can be “empowered” and “network” with other like-minded suckers souls on our fancy web site. All it will take is for you to register your name, rank, serial number, number of children, address, pant size, height, weight, your e-mail address PLUS a mere $900 (we want to undercut our competitors) and we’ll send you a pre-addressed mailer in which to place your jeans.

By the way, the federal authorities think this is a great idea, too! We’ll be sure to save your jeans in our secure warehouse so the feds can examine them carefully with a court order, especially in times of National Security breeches.

1 comment:

Wes,I would like to send you an email regarding an idea that I have and that I have discussed already with Dr. Heather Shenkman from veganheartdoc blog. I could not find your Northwestern email. I would greatly appreciate it if you could email me at jriver16@jhmi.edu so I can respond back. Thanks.

About Me

Westby G. Fisher, MD, FACC is a board certified internist, cardiologist, and cardiac electrophysiologist (doctor specializing in heart rhythm disorders) practicing at NorthShore University HealthSystem in Evanston, IL, USA and is a Clinical Associate Professor of Medicine at University of Chicago's Pritzker School of Medicine. He entered the blog-o-sphere in November, 2005.
DISCLAIMER: The opinions expressed in this blog are strictly the those of the author(s) and should not be construed as the opinion(s) or policy(ies) of NorthShore University HealthSystem, nor recommendations for your care or anyone else's. Please seek professional guidance instead.