Monday, 26 November 2012

Signals drowned by noise: top 5 conspiracy bullshit lines

The online signal-to-noise ratio is approaching 1:∞ and some of the nonsense repeated by blog after blog gets so tiresome I can't believe anything online gets taken seriously any more.

Or maybe the massive increase in the noise bed is just all part of a disinformationcover-up conspiracy??!

Either way readers need to get a bit more discerning in a world where anyone can publish anything.

Here's my top 5 of the dodgiest crap cropping up over and over again, no matter what the conspiracy is.

5. Documents snatched by police/MI5 or other shady intruder

Yes it's convenient for your alleged foe that your cache of documents was disappeared. But it's also convenient for your conspiracy you were too lazy or stupid to take precautions.

You're bright enough to spot the value of the evidence you hold but not clever enough to work a photocopier and find a hidey-hole?

Since 1987 you could walk into most local shops and libraries and copy away without raising an eyebrow. Deposit said copy with a friend, a solicitor - in the event of my death, etc, etc.

There's even fewer excuses today. Scan them onto a USB stick or set an email to go out in the event of your death from ifidie.org or similar.

4. The unnamed military/political/intelligence insider

When a newspaper runs a story from an unnamed insider you can bet your life at least one other person - a senior editor at the paper - thoroughly checked the reporter's notes and that publication has been discussed at the highest level. Papers hate running important stories with unnamed sources.

Why? Because it's so bloody easy to invent secret sources to back up any story. Check The Wire Season 5 for a picture penned by journalist David Simon.

And just assuming the person stepping out of the shadows to tip you off does exist, and he or she is actually affiliated to MI5 or whatever... How do you know they're not just yanking your chain? Leading me on to...

3. The story that mainstream media can't/is too scared to publish (or is subject to a D-Notice)

Why did your unnamed military/political/intelligence insider come to you and your crappy little blog and not the mainstream media? (Yes, yes... I've had people leak stuff to me - but it's hardly been explosive. Falls into the category: too niche for mainstream media).

Wait a minute, a D-Notice you say? The D-notice system, being voluntary and known as DA-Notices since 1993. Whilst I'm sure the D-Notice system has been abused in the past there's little hard evidence; which is weird, considering journalists are a talkative bunch.

So the question remains: why feed this ground-breaking story to your crappy little blog?

2. Person X is linked to person Y

Take one person who maybe did die in suspicious circumstances or has proven dodgy connections, person X. Combine with the person you want to implicate, person Y. Add to Google. Discover the wife of the cousin of person Ysat on some school or charitable board with person X. Bingo!

"Person Y, who has proven links to disgraced/jailed/dodgy person X..."

Sometimes the connection is even more tenuous, like both living in Hampshire.

Yes, the bulk of evidence offered up by conspiracy theorists still plays to that most basic of human emotions: social rejection. A secret society that you'll never be able to join. They must be up to no good. How very dare they gang together behind closed doors with all their weird rituals? They must be murdering children and orchestrating world domination!

One true fact I did uncover trawling the web of conspiracy. Many of the bloggers and "truth-seekers" quite conveniently have a book for sale through the marvels of self-publishing. How convenient. Sure signs of a conspiracy if you ask me!