why

Why cant I die? I've survived 2 OD's and before I came here I tried to shoot myself and got 2 light strikes in a row. Thats shit is not supposed to happen! I should have just tried again cause when I went to the range all the ammo worked fine including the 2 rounds that failed. Then I want to try again with a different method and my father decides thats perfect time to get insomnia and sit in the lounge at 4am ffs which means he'll check on me if I spend to long in the bathroom. Why does god or mother nature or whatever fucking hate me so much? Why can't I just die? What did I do that I must suffer like this? I just want to die so I can have some peace. Is that so much to ask?

Well I am glad you didn't succeed and are still with us, but I am sorry you are in so much pain right now.

If you are really really in crisis, please contact medical help.

It sounds like you are feeling really overwhelmed at the moment. Remember that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary state of mind; what you're really craving is a mental break, some rest and to feel less stressed.

Sam - glad you're still here..... I know how wanting to die feels, but please think it through - you have decided that being dead will bring you the thing you want the most and that is peace. The probably unwelcome fact about this is that you have no guarantee whatever that that will be the outcome. You want things to be different, for sure, but being dead isn't the only way to bring peace into your life. There are reasons why we feel like we do, and the main one is the belief that nothing can heal our pain. But take that for what it is - a belief. And then you've boxed it in, like you have a label for it. The next thing to realise is that there are many beliefs out there that can appear true, (because our feelings tell us that they are reflecting reality accurately) - and then the big jump in thought, (which you may not have given yourself permission to believe yet) - why give your power away to something that isn't true?

I have to tell myself this over and over because of stuff that happened in my past - but learning the skills to re-educate my thinking has certainly brought me peace and a whole new outlook about the things that were wrong for me back then - I know the same can happen for everyone when they make the decision to give it a go - the skills are there to be learned hun I can give you details if you'd like a counsellor in this if youPM me