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Tragedy shows that gun skills should be taught in kindergarten, if not the womb

The tragic death of a firearms instructor at the hands of an unskilled 9 year old girl reinforces the need for early gun education, say experts.

‘I’m shocked that she was only getting her first experience at nine’, said Jake Hacker of the NRA. ‘What were her parents thinking? By age nine she should be proficient with an assault rifle and beginning to feel comfortable with bazookas.

‘You can’t blame the instructor. How was he to know the parents were namby-pamby pinko vegetarian liberals who’d deny their child an essential life skill until she was practically in double figures? These people make me sick.

‘I played military instruction audiobooks to my kids when they were still in the womb, to prepare them for this violent world as early as possible. If I thought it would make a difference, I’d teach my sperm to load a gun.

‘Thank God for an armed America. Arming our kids is how we keep them safe from rapists, murderers and Charles Darwin.

‘And with only 14,000 murders per annum, our enlightened approach to arms control is obviously working.’