Apple iPhone 6 and the Idiots That Buy Them

I’ve come to a realization. The “American Pickers” will be out of business if, in a few decades from now, they are “picking” items from the 21st Century. We throw everything away! Flat screen TV breaks? Put it at the curb. Dishwasher? Buy a new one. Computer? Some buy those and stick it in a microwave oven when they get home (more on that below).

No job. Money in pocket. Haven’t seen a woman naked in person.

A few days ago, the Apple iPhone 6 and iPhone 6 plus went on sale for the first time. As usual with Apple Zombies, they lined up for days wanting to be the first in their neighborhood to have the latest cool gadget from Apple. Granted it basically does the same thing as previous iPhone models and if you wait a week or two you can walk right into a store and buy one. But, who am I to disparage those who choose to bring out their inner vagrant and sleep on a sidewalk for a few nights in hopes of getting a new handheld computer.

There are many who would say those who lined up for days and slept in the gutter lack “common sense.” But, I’m thinking bigger picture here. They don’t lack common sense for waiting in line for days. They lack common sense for dropping hundreds of dollars on an iPhone and then taking their new found bounty home, bending it and sticking it in a microwave!

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot!

The past week has been filled with news stories of the iPhone 6 and 6 plus “bending.” You know what also bends? The iPhone 4S, iPhone 5’s and Android phones.

The iPhone 4S bends if abused.

The iPhone 5 bends if abused.

Even an Android smartphone bends if abused.

Bend it and it will break.

Yep. That’ll break it.

Then came an “internet” rumor and we all know we can believe everything we read on the internet. The double super-secret thing you can do with that very expensive handheld computer is charge it in a microwave oven. Stick a metal case and computer chips in a microwave and let it cook for 4 or 5 minutes. Well that makes perfect sense, huh?

Note: You cannot charge an iPhone in a microwave oven.

When the iPhone 7 comes out (and it will), I say if someone waits in line for days and sleeps on a mall sidewalk to buy the new smartphone, they’re not to be trusted. They lack “common sense” and will be forbidden from owning one!

We now know, lacking “common sense,” they’ll take the iPhone to their parent’s basement where they live, bend it, put it in their mother’s microwave, flush it down the toilet or fire up their dad’s lawn mower and run over it with the Toro, if they can gather up that much motivation.

Obviously, it’s not their money. Mom and dad must be paying for it.

Ain’t it great to live in mom’s basement?

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“…an American company has become wildly successful thanks to it’s lack of innovation, lack of manufacturing, marketing, marketing, marketing and a really stupid mass of people who blindly follow pop culture and will but any useless piece of shit they produce, even if they don’t need it. In fact, especially if they don’t need it, which is where Apple TV, the iWatch (I watch nothing on that tiny screen), three size variants of the exact same product and a new laptop line now so devoid of actually performing a functional requirement without overheating that they are only useful for browsing the internet or writing a word document. Which does not need to cost in excess of $1700 dollars.”

There, fixed it.
Apple lost their innovative edge.
They don’t manufacture anything, besides the wrapping that is. They buy all their internal hardware from Foxconn, Samsung, Intel, Nvidia etc.

Yep, they’ve got brand loyalty, can’t argue that, but it isn’t the good kind, where people are loyak because they produce the best product. They’re loyal because they are so utterly entrenched in the idea that it makes them socially acceptable, edgy, progressive and awesome because the reality, it just makes them a useless twat who purposely ripped himself off for no good reason, is just too much for their liberal arts and feminist dabce theory brains to comrehend as they walk down the road to protest about how coffe pickers on the seventh noon on Jupiter are underpaid by a dollar a day.

Retina in 2015 means the lowest resoultion on any flagship phone out there, because customers still think retina means some magical, how smart still 750p Apple maps who uses it, here in australia people were warned not to use it as it would not could endanger there lives in the outback, Siri another bought product lets just say useless, no one with a brain will deny this. Overpriced smartphones they cant do much, try and share a music file or movie anywhere and your hit with restrictions like email attachments restrictions, Just an overprived web browser on a tablet and useless at doing anything. Bluetooth that dosent send files, who does that onb a $1000 phone, nfc that dosent do much either. Im going to stop as i could go on and on about restrictions.