July on Jitterberry

The month of July has been the biggest yet here on Jitterberry with 28 new pieces of writing! I have really loved writing so frequently and am so proud of what this space offers but I also appreciate that it can be a lot to keep up with. I’ve collated this months posts on parenting, unschooling and intentional living with their focal message so that you have an easy reference for finding the posts most relevant for you.

Parenting

Respectful parenting isn’t a method of behaviour modification, it is what begins to unfold when you stop trying to manufacture results in your child and start trying to act from the position of what they deserve; respect, autonomy, humanity.

The most worthwhile thing you can do is see the child in front of you.

Not their age. Not their past. Not their projected future. Not your hopes or fears or expectations. Not what is most convenient. But them. See them so that you are able to meet them where they are at, where they deserve.

The conversation regarding sex is ongoing, sex shouldn’t be confined to one talk just as you wouldn’t expect to learn everything there is to know about food or volcanoes or dinosaurs in one go. Sex is an immense and diverse topic that is built upon gradually beginning with support to understand the concepts of consent and bodily autonomy and transitioning through different information as a child’s awareness, understanding and interest shifts. Through this all I want to be mindful to avoid the antiquated cliches that would leave space for shame to develop in the variables unspoken.

Follow the motivation… it is parents who benefit most from this concept being true, it is parent’s who are most invested in it. Think about it, aren’t your children pretty aware that you are available to offer guidance? If that is what they are seeking, they aren’t going to be evasive about it, why would they need to be?

The more we see breastfeeding, the less we will see it. It will become no more notable than a red car or blue shirt. Children are a part of our communities and children require feeding; our public spaces should reflect and honour that reality.

What would bring ease? Acceptance. The radical belief that whoever she is, is worthwhile and deserves access to life without the forced responsibility to change. Finding the bridges between each of our experiences so that we could communicate was important, finding a way for my daughter to be something other than who she is? The opposite of important.

Because whilst the awareness of death is sorrowful and an emotionally heavy topic to converse on; it is also empowering. Fear of death in part grows from that realisation that we have floated through existence in ignorance, when it is too late to make changes and how it prevented us from really living at all.

If you are concerned, it can feel awful to do nothing but you can do something other than control. You could join them. Observe and hear what they are experiencing. Explore it together. Understand the appeal. Connect.

Doing this will make very clear what is most important. And how control would only destroy those priorities and resolve nothing.

When you value children and their autonomy, you find ways to live with your barriers or process them that won’t compromise that ideal. When you value children and their autonomy, it becomes very difficult to find motivations that would lead to compulsory schooling being a viable resolution.

If you really want to unschool, then what are you going to do to make it possible?

You have time, your child has time but they won’t always. So just wait before you start taking any away. If you really can’t stretch, there’s no rush, sure. But just because you’re not ready to move towards unschooling, doesn’t mean you have to walk further away from it. So maybe just wait. Just wait and see what happens.

It can be a far trek from where you are at to where you want to be and I can’t help you carry the fear or the guilt and I won’t pretend it isn’t there when it is but I will try my very best, always, to help you shed it when and if you are ready. Because it is achievable and it is worth reaching for.

Autonomy is to schooling what evolution is to creationists; it does not exist and you’re definitely not allowed to learn about it. Exercising autonomy is not only discouraged but is a punishable offence.

Until I got my test back the next day and saw a big red cross next to my stream of neun. Yes, I had written it about 20 times but was it not completely obvious that I knew the answer? What was the point exactly in marking this wrong? What was the point in this test at all if it wasn’t really about determining that I knew this work they’d required of me?

Intentional Living

So why the commitment to black shirts? Well, essentially I like how they look, I like how they feel but most of all I just like not having to think about what I’m going to wear each day. It’s very liberating.

I was beginning to shift from trying to find a form of government that aligned with my values to instead questioning the concept of having one at all. Could a government ever truly be acting from shared ideals with myself when I felt so strongly the importance of personal responsibility and agency? And as I took my research to the internet, I found people who were feeling the same.

And one of the most powerful things I have realised in life for me is that often the moment where it feels the hardest, too hard. That is when I am so very close to making it through. I am constantly asking myself; am I really at my limit or is this transition?

When you are spending your money, you presumably pay things based on a hierarchy of importance. Things that will contribute most to your continued existence are paid first and then the next priority follows and so on go the choices. But what about your time?

I’ve really been enjoying all of your thought provoking posts recently! I was wondering how you”found time” to write them/what your children were up to while you were writing. I’m still trying to wrap my head around your “me time” post, and for me, this question is all tied up with that topic. Thank you!

Thank you so much. I write partially when they’re asleep (usually mornings, they now sleep later than me generally) or while they’re doing their own things, playing mostly. A post takes me about an hour and sometimes I can get a bit ahead working on various drafts at once. My partner also started recently working a 3 day week so is here with us 4 days.

There are so many contributing factors. Our children ageing, getting into a place where we were comfortable with less money so we could commit less time to work and simplifying our home and lifestyle so that we freed up a lot of space for other things.

Thank you for sharing a little bit about your process! I think for me it is also a matter of slimming down the number of different things I’d like to do during this time of having young children, as you’ve touched on, too.

That sounds fantastic that your partner is with you so many days of the week! We’re slowly simplifying and looking for a smaller place when we next move. Seeing how that looks in your day to day is inspiring 🙂