WASHINGTON DC: The Federal Reserve has admitted that the current global financial crisis is the result of a massive Ponzi scheme run from their own offices. Ben Bernanke, Chairman of the Board of Governers, said that the scheme, codenamed "The US Economy", had evolved from early experiments in the 1930s. 'There was no intention to deceive or defraud", Bernanke claimed, but he accepted that billions of dollars in foreign investments and private US assets had in fact been absorbed into a scheme that could only provide returns if the rate of new investment exceeded the guaranteed payouts to existing investors. Bernanke was critical of the economists who blew the whistle on the scheme, saying "it had worked OK for 80 years, and if people had kept giving us money it would still be working now."

President Obama refused to comment on the Ponzi scheme scandal, but did ask fifty-seven rhetorical questions before declaring "yes, we can."

The Prime Minister of Great Britain, Gordon Brown, said that as result of the scheme, the British Economy was in ruins and he was considering down-sizing to a smaller country. One option is for everyone currently living in England to relocate to Wales, allowing the the UK Government to sell off the larger part of the United Kingdom for scrap.