Tag: children

So far, I love substitute teaching! I was quite nervous to begin with, but now that I have 2 whole days under my belt, I’m liking it. I admit, 2 days of experience hardly makes me the expert. I am surprised though, that each day brought me a valuable revelation for the times I’m wearing my “mom hat”.

First, I was given kindergarten. When I arrived at school and received my assignment, lo and behold, it was my daughter’s former teacher! My daughter walked around the room with me explaining the different routines and spaces. I think she was having just as much fun as I was. I felt much more confident knowing the teacher’s personality and style of teaching.

After school, I felt 8 times as annoyed by any bit of disorder at home than I usually do. Even though I felt pretty exhausted from the day, by the time I had been home an hour I made the girls tidy up, cooked dinner, and made everyone sit at the table with no screens allowed. My older one told me, “Mom, you forgot to turn off your teacher voice!”

I discovered, or maybe rediscovered, that I crave structure. I usually think of myself as a mostly flexible, go-with-the-flow kind of person. But oh the power; when I said, “snack time is over,” 16 kids immediately cleaned up their own mess and returned to their seats, ready to learn. I only have 2 at home, but I’m pretty sure whenever I speak they just hear bla, bla, bla! Well, not tonight kiddos! That goes for you too dad! And oh the joy when books are put back on the shelf and play dough stays on the table nearest the sink, and paper scraps are gathered up and brought to the wastebasket.

Then I had 3rd graders. It was a truly nice class, not a troublemaker in it. One was a sensitive soul, crushed to tears when reprimanded. It helped to be reminded that everyone makes mistakes, and making mistakes just means you’re trying your best. Others had a fight on the morning bus. The teachers helped the two talk it out. But one confided in me that this is nothing new, it happens every day. One started the day with a visit to the school nurse. Although this seemed suspiciously like a ploy, that one went home after lunch.

My revelation from this day is, kids have a lot going on. A lot that they typically just keep inside. Maybe when they go home, they need that time to just be. Not hold it together, not use their words, not push down their emotions because now it’s time for math, not to worry whether they’re getting sent to the principal’s office or someone’s going to pick a fight with them or their answer is wrong.

My two revelations seem conflicting, but just maybe they will help me achieve a better balance in my home. Just orderly enough for my sanity, just chaotic enough for theirs.

That saying has been around a long time. Probably because the meaning endures through the ages, in your rush to get rid of waste, don’t lose out on a valuable treasure. During a tour of Hoxie House Museum in Sandwich, MA, I learned an explanation for that phrase that shocked my modern parenting sensibilities.

The house was built around 1675 and has been restored to reflect what it looked like then. I went into the tiny house expecting to have a short, somewhat boring visit, but I was very surprised how interesting the tour was! It gave me a glimpse into the everyday life of the pilgrims. What I remember most was the distinct feeling that if one of them were to come back to life and observe modern parenting and family life, they would think we are crazy.

Vice versa, I could not believe the way children were treated. Thinking about the context of the times, it makes sense, but it is still shocking. We were ushered into a large darkish room with a fireplace at the center. Logically this was the central work area for the women, especially in winter. On the floor next to the hearth was a tiny cradle, and next to that a toddler sized chair with a hole in the seat and a leather belt. The infants were kept in the cradle (which looks doll-sized, too small even for a tiny human) until they started to walk. From the age of 3 until about 5 they sat strapped into their little potty chair because no one could be spared from working to look after them and keep them from getting hurt. Around 5 they were considered capable of doing work under the supervision of an older sibling. When the family ate, the father got the best food, the littlest one the worst, usually the burnt bottom crust on the loaf of bread. When they bathed, once a year in the spring, the hierarchy was the same. The father first in the clean water and the baby last in all the family’s grime. Thus the reference to throwing out the baby. Because the father was the most indispensable to the family’s welfare.

Unbelievable, right? But it made me realize that more has changed in modern parenting than we know. The fundamental way children are viewed has done a 360!

I sometimes struggle to reconcile the “children should be seen and not heard” of a few generations ago, with the massive guilt a parent is taught to feel for denying their child anything nowadays. I do believe we are not serving our children well by these extreme shifts. Of course children should not be ignored or made to feel less valuable as a person simply because they are young. But unless we teach them that they are not the center of the universe and that they need to respect others, we are setting them and ourselves up for epic failure.

Children need to be specifically taught that their actions affect others. It’s ok to tell them that their whining is ruining your day. It’s ok to tell them “no” when you really don’t have the patience or the money to take them toy shopping. It won’t break them. But it just might make them kinder, more empathetic people.

So don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater. I think we have something to learn from previous generations about teaching our children respect. Every human is deserving of being treated with dignity. While treating our kids that way, let’s not forget to teach them to return the favor.

In short supply and high demand, this virtue is something I’m striving for. You moms and dads, can you relate? My little one starts screeching or whining and it takes exactly half a second for it to get under my skin and stretch my nerves to the snapping point.

While volunteering at my daughter’s school today, I heard a popular quote or, more accurately a proverb. It got me thinking about patience. I have already been working on not responding to the tantrum, being the grown up, and keeping my cool. When I’m in the school and I see teachers doing this every day with large groups of children I am constantly amazed. One of the teachers told us that one particularly stressful morning, she happened to catch a glimpse of the coffee shop barista’s tattoo on her arm. It said

This too shall pass

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This is something her mother always said to her while she was growing up. And she felt as if she was meant to see those words that morning. The barista is also a mother and she survives each day with the constant reminder of those words.

This too shall pass. When you think about that phrase, and really let the meaning sink in, it’s the equivalent of a mental deep cleansing breath. It means you can get through this.

But it also means you’d better cherish this. I need this double sided reminder. These days and years when they are little are so transient. Every day they change. And they will never be little again.

This too shall pass, so savor the good parts and breathe through the tough parts. You got this!