"You notice that both of your mouths are kind of sore."
"Uh-oh."
"Are they stuck like this?" [wide open O]
"Why does everything always have to be about cocksucking in this group."
"Well, it would hurt! We both have tens!"

"Hi, I think I just sucked your dick. It's nice to meet you."

"I'm missing some teeth."
"I've come to get them back!"

"Are my teeth in here by any chance?"

[Annakie's reaction to seeing a bleeding, gunshot stranger in the hallway.]
"Ugh, whoa, that's kind of nasty. Excuse me, lady, do you know where the
kitchen is?"

"Is the note in my handwriting?"
"No."
"Okay. That makes it make a lot less sense."

"Shouldn't you use black instead of white in your meditation room, so
if you see an angel it doesn't blend in?"

"Do you live here, or do you know the drunk guy?"
"Where the hell am I?"
"Well, I think that answers the first question."

"Who would dig around in their closet and come up with a gun that shoots
giggles?"

"The guy who was dying isn't dying anymore!"
"And you have a stripper wrapped around your legs!"

"Either I was at a wedding this weekend, or I lied to them!"

"Whoa, the car works? Is that an Unnatural check?"

"So ["I Touch Myself" by the Divinyls] is the song that plays
every time that your memory breaks up with you?"
"...Maybe."

"I'd suggest burning down the building, but somehow I don't think that
would accomplish anything."
"Dude, I think my noble stimulus might have a thing or two to say about
that."

"Why would I pull out their teeth?"
"Maybe you collect them when you're evil."
"Yeah, check your pockets."

"You gotta come over here right away."
"Why? What happened?"
"Aphrodite had a nice day."

"I will cut...me."

"So basically he just rubbed his hands all over my body, and now I have
to take my clothes off because it hurts?"

"You could use Epideromancy to write things in Braille on your dick. Like
'suck me, beautiful.'"

"You guys never know about these rituals. I might come back in the morning
with peacock feathers on my head."
"That or you might come back and tell us, 'Why yes, my penis is doing very
well in the underworld.'"

"Wow, I haven't reached that far up the butthole to get an NPC for quite
some time."

"Sorry I'm late. I was having a little problem with an evil book."

"What did you do this time, Sardis?"
"Well, I basically went to the spirit world and put up a big sign that
said, 'Eat me, Cthulhu.'"

[Riemer learns that Sardis's ritual requires three fresh human tracheas.]
"Oh, I can definitely help you with that. All I have to do is grow some
more tracheas. On the outside."

"So Sardis is stupid because Sam is a bitch, but Sam is only a bitch because
Sardis is stupid. It's like one of those causal loop things. Stupid and bitchy
and stupid and bitchy..."

"They're not really demons. They're just misunderstood."

"We're going to go commune with some demons...in the most intellectual
sense of the word."

"That's it. Steal your own wallet."

"You're in the perfect position right now to be taken advantage of by
a ghost."
"Or a walrus!"

"You get to be the baby Jesus!"
"What did you do, staple him to the manger?"

"No, his wallet is gone."
"No minor charge for you!"

[Sardis lists off a whole bunch of different avatars.]
"You sounded so much like you were ordering fast food when you said that."
"Yeah, give me two Messengers, a Pilgrim, and a large cheeseburger..."
"Throw in a Masterless Man..."
"Warrior size it!"

"I open the binder with my pecs!"
"Roll me a Mind check."

"The only night you ever saw Amanda in person was the night you were crazy.
So shut up."

"There are plenty of potential babysitters in this group."
"Yeah. The stripper, the masochistic fireman, the hobo, the Chippendales
dancer, and the crazy man."

"So Riemer busts in the front door with a crumpled-up piece of paper in
one hand and the DVD of Excalibur in the other."
"What's that in your hand, Fireman?"
"Excalibur!"

"I have corn. Is it edible?"

"Is any of your face in this popcorn, Riemer?"

"You realize that this isn't human corn, right?"
"Well, it is now."

"...So in essence, today was Meet Randolph Nears And Get Cow Corn Day."

"So you picked the cow corn because you were hungry, and then brought
it back here where there was food to eat it?"

"It's been a very long time since I've had to handle a woman in a public
setting."

"Which one is on our team again? They all have boobs."

"We're a walking bar joke. So this fireman, this prostitute, this fundamentalist
Christian, and this hobo walk into a bar..."

"Plutomancy could probably help me with getting on Orlando Bloom."
"Yeah, it's too bad you can only call objects into your possession and
not people."
"What if you objectify men?"

"It can't poo. It's a worthless frickin' monkey if it can't poo."

"Okay, for some reason I totally thought you were going to say 'shafted
by mayonnaise' just now."

"Body skill: Resisting all the horrible things I do to myself."

"I'm an avatar of the Scholar, for God's sake. So please don't make my
character taste his own semen."

"Aphrodite told me you were paying people to do research for you."
"Why would I want to pay you to do something I obviously enjoy?"
"What? You enjoy eating your own sperm?"

"Yes, my penis is a Pez dispenser."

"They all look like foreskin!"

"Yeah, that would be a great way to make friends with a Bibliomancer:
to go and get spooge all over his books."

"I just can't believe how erotic the Necronomicon is..."

"We among Bibliomancers do not have a sex drive that we are aware of,
sir."

"It tastes like mint! As does everything that I jizz on."

"I'm sure Alex Abel would get someone to lob long-distance blasts at all
of this guy's proxies if you gave him a good enough reason to do it. There's
a reason that TNI is feared all across America, you know."
"Yeah. It's because people like us are allowed to give them reasons to
do things."

"So tell me about this church."
"Um, typical Unitarian church. About 150 members. Services on Sunday morning.
Fellowship and a discussion group for religious seekers after that. They have
interpretive dance therapy on Wednesday nights."
"I dunno, Beth. That last part sounded a bit smelly to me. Where did you
pull that out of?"

"The two of you have a lot in common in that you like men, and he likes
women."

"I was straight. Once."

"Little do you know, Sardis, that I've actually made you a proxy to Lucifer."

"Well, I'd certainly like to think that the Clockwork Knights would want
me!"

"If I was sitting in a guard tower with a gun, I definitely wouldn't shoot
at a hut on chicken legs."

"Wait a minute, all of you know this OOC? [Everyone nods.] I'm sorry,
but who the fuck is Baba Yaga?"

"I'm not entirely sure how a clockwork knight would piss on your corpse,
but okay."

"There aren't any socks over by you, are there?"

"You never know, man. Someday it may come in handy to have a gorilla in
your trunk."

"...Most of which are old with age. [pause] Wow, that wasn't much of a
sentence."

"Hey, I'm not the one who told your dice to be sexist."

[Anna finds out that his girlfriend is an automaton.]
"She was programmed to react favorably to your pick-up lines. That should've
been a big tip-off right there."

[Anna and Sardis discover the Ritual of Union.]
"Dude! I think your proxy was trying to eat my proxy!"

"I want to be a mystic hermaphrodite! Let's go find somebody to eat!"

"It's 4:30 in the morning, you know."
"Yes, I know, but there's a ghost in our car."

"You tried to steal my creation."
"Dude, I'm sorry, but you were dead."
"I built her. She was still mine."
"Well, maybe it's your fault for making her so well!"

"You want me to help you? What can I do? I can't even kick over a plant!"

"What if I want to keep my head lice?"
"Well, as long as you play nicely and don't pass them along to the rest
of the children in Mr. Alex Abel's second grade class, then that's probably
okay."

"I don't think that Band-Aids usually leave behind a trail of ectoplasmic
slime."

[Cabal motto:]
"I didn't do it! The demon did it!"

"Do you have the Necronomicon on tape, by any chance? I have a ghost following
me and he can't turn the pages."

"I don't know, but it looks a little like it's going to burn me from the
inside out in horrible, horrible death."

"So, the three of you are going to go see his automaton girlfriend that
he stole from a ghost."

[Talking about how best to get rid of Amanda.]
"Give her a big ass. Destroy her from the inside."

"The good news is that if we can somehow get [Amanda] to fall in love
with one of us, she's powerless."

"Hey, that's okay. If only the mundanes see us doing it, at least it's
only the Sleepers who will come after us."

"She's a lesbian slut!"
"Come on, I'm just flirting."
"Any kind of carpet goes in her apartment."
"She's got whole piles of carpet squares down in the basement, I'd say."

"You should wait to kill [Amanda] until after she inseminates the body.
You know, until after she fertilizes it."
"...That's dirty."
"She's an amoromancer!"
"That's dirty even for an amoromancer."

"Well, you guys wake up and the city isn't in flames..."

"I'm going over to Clifton's house. If I'm not back in two hours, come
looking for my corpse."

"Now that you two are done playing Santa Claus to the entire occult underground..."

"I feel so good now that I just gave away a major charge."
"Now we have to find $100 million for Jeremy."
"And an extra gonad for you, Riemer."

"Go do it! Masturbate in ghost space!"

"...Wait, why am I whispering? I'm a ghost. No one can hear me anyway."

"She follows the path of the White Trash avatar."

"I'm gonna go visit my psychic kid."

"We need an expert opinion on this."
"Yes. The kind that only a 10-year-old can provide."

"Setting up an appointment with [Lorna] might be inviting disaster, but
it would only be polite."

"What would Mulder do? You should get a bracelet."

"I'm good at being a lesbian, but not much else."

"It's all true? Even the part about how the Virgil Corporation ran over
all those kittens for fun?"
"I wouldn't put it past them."

"I got a double zero, guys. What does that mean?"

"I don't do sausage. Mostly because of how it's shaped."

"So is that the child-killing one or...wait, which demon are we talking
about here?"

"Get Sardis on the phone right now, you guys. If Cthulhu is real, I would
like to fucking know about it."

"Is there anything else you guys should tell me?"
"Sardis has a gorilla in the trunk of his car."

"Why is your supervisor dead? [shrugs] I don't know, there was a gorilla
in my trunk."

"Oh, yummy. I love Helplessness."

"Noel, tell Riemer he's been acting strangely."

"Eric! What are you doing? Those are my campaign notes!"
"I'm sorry. I guess my notes sort of spilled over onto them."
"Maybe they'll make baby notes."
"Or maybe you could diablerize her notes. But then Lucifer would just come
back and kick your ass anyway."

"I'd mess with a lot of animals before I messed with an elephant. I'd
even mess with weasels and squirrels, because at least I could deal with the
diseases."

[right after Jeremy is found dead in his bed] "Dibs on his cyanide capsule."

"Slash slash, I was taking a bath..."

"That's right, I just drop the Necronomicon in a blender..."

"Now we've found a Retarded Hero avatar!"

"Sam is really into Alex Abel. I guess she's got a thing for rich and
powerful men that are still attractive and can give her their full attention
while running their own evil empire."

"I'd like to dye my hair ho-bag brown, please."

"I don't know what's with me and butts tonight."

"Do you think there's a TNI singles night?"
"Lock the door and fill the room with tear gas. Then carry out your choice."

"Will eat for knowledge."

"It was just, like, raining paperback book on this guy's town."

"Wait a minute. When did you guys get chummy with my bitch-ass proxy?"

"I say knock their heads together and eat them."

"Skanky koala!"

"What's the difference between panic and frenzy again?"
"Panic, you run away screaming at top speed. Frenzy, you beat up Anna."
"Hmm. I'm going to have to go with 'beat up Anna,' Alex."

"I would believe in aliens before God."
"I didn't know you were such a geek, Sam."

"Creating your own hell? Somehow that doesn't really seem like his bag
of worms."

"Why don't we make our own hell and send the Order of Virgil there?"
"I call dibs on demon lord!"

"I will rog you in the rasslin' match!"

"Sardis is the lord of Anal Tic-Tac Hell."

"It's my opinion that the world needs more vagina-shaped novelty items."

"Stop wearing a stick up your ass."

[After learning about a formal banquet being hosted by the Order of Virgil.]
"I say you streak it with your face on backwards, and woohoo! Riot rules!"

"So you light up your bioluminescent nipples..."

"Will something scream deep in the recesses of his house if I start pulling
the skin off his floor?"

"But what if your carpet gets ebola?"

"I love how you're all like, 'Oh, don't hurt my carpet!'"
"But what if it has sensitive skin?"

"I tickle the carpet."
"The skin begins to vibrate and ripple near where you tickled it."
"Whoa. Easy there, fella."

"So this one time, Riemer turned my carpet into skin. And that was the
end of language."

"So I think we need to name our carpet..."

"Riemer, can you put one of these in my apartment?"
"Um...I would have to stab myself a lot before I could even think about
doing that."
"Can you stab me instead? I really want a living carpet."

"What can you possibly do for me?"
"I give good head."

"We'll buy you a giant shoe to keep all of your babies in. And Riemer
can carpet it for you."

"Dude, I'm black, which means I can't even have white babies and sell
them to people."
"Riemer can help you with that!"

"So you can get hooked up with a baby Voltron..."

"Everyone in that house is insane. In fact, I'd say that right now, Sardis
is the most sane of those three."
[Long silence.]
"Wow, Eric. I think the universe owes you a dollar."

"I bet it would really mess a Terminator up if you fed it caramel."

"Poo jokes are always funny."
"Old people poo jokes are even funnier."

"I think this exceeds my anal circumference, right here."

"What kind of game is it if you don't start at first level?"
"Final Fantasy 7!"

"You find a spell called magic missle."
"Wait, don't cast it! You don't know what that ritual's going to do."

"I watch for invisible people."

"This is my cousin Eli. You know, the one who ascended."

"Hey, I know just what Riemer's defining moment is. It's that one time
I stuck my ass in that hole that one time."

"...So I'm just going to stick it where we found that memory thing. If
she doesn't look, she'll never miss it."

"Once you go 'bot, you never go back!"

"A husband and wife Mechanomancer team? That's interesting. I bet they'd
have a great night every so often and in the morning neither of them would remember
it. It'd be just like the first time every time, complete with fumbling."

"TNI is so not Batman."

"Sardis is going to start up a trachea farm!"

"...And thus, the game ended, and the limericks began."

"I didn't manage to get another switchblade from the Beast, but he sure
gave me another cyanide capsule!"
"Think he's trying to send you a message, there, Anna?"

"Wait, I've got it! What if the Sleepers put the Knocking Box up on Ebay
themselves, so they could see who'd bid on it and then have an excuse to go
out and kick their ass?"

"Okay. If I'm ever missing for a week again, I give you permission to
unlock my door and answer my phone, because you never know. It might be me."

"Do you have something in the armory that's good for giant squid?"
"Tartar sauce!"

[Discussing how to get rid of a greater Unspeakable Servant.]
"We could just kill its master so it won't have to take orders anymore."
"Yeah, but then we'd have a horse-sized Cthulhu running around that was
invulnerable to all physical harm."
"Sounds to me like a classic case of the Sleepers' problem!"

"I'm sorry. My cell phone got lost in another dimension."
"You should cancel payments on that."

"We then saw a monster ranging in description from tentacle horse to giant
Cthulhu..."

"I wonder if you can form a mother-child bond with an animal. Of course,
that begs the question of whether animals can blow stress checks."
"It also begs the question of whether you can form a mother-child bond
with an animal you've never seen that's spent its entire life cramped up in
a trunk."

"Do it, or I'll be forced to kill all of you."
"Starting with Sardis."
"But first, I'll make an example out of Riemer."

"...And Riemer gets his ass kicked by Chronological Alignment again."
"Hey, at least this time it advances the plot, and it wasn't just some
random gay guy in a bar."

"Fortunately, I have a soft spot for clockworks."
"And a hard spot, too."

"Maybe clockworks get off on ruining women's lives."

"I suppose that when we do get to Christmas, we'll be opening a whole
different Easter egg."

"Now, who's the glutton for punishment who gets to test out this device?"
"Ooh, me! I'm the test pilot for stupid."

[Making a trade: The Knocking Box in exchange for a woman willing to do the
Ritual of Union with Tanaka.]
"It's another quest for the willing wench!"
"Hey, Riemer! You could turn into a woman and CHAAAAARGE!"

"Excuse me, guys. I've gotta go cut myself for awhile."

"Riemer comes out with bandages on his arms..."
"...And a spring in his stumble."

"I'm going to go hatred-fishing. Anyone wanna come along?"
"I would, but I'm supposed to go give something to a robot who is going
to kill me and everyone else if I don't."

"Okay, Danny. If she flips out, just..."
"Be a ghost?"

"You have this ferocious hate-on for Amanda."
"It's like a strap-on hate."

"It sounds like the extensive reprogramming may have affected his ethical
cortex. I mean, if he was throwing Riemer up against a wall..."
"Yeah, well, a lot of people do that."

"My rage increases every time I look that way."
"That can't be good for your heart."

"I should start carrying my cyanide capsule."

"You walk up to the elementary school with your hooker in tow..."

"I've been in another dimension. Give me a break."

"Aphrodite is turning into Gendo Ikari. She only visits her kids when
she has a use for them."

"If I were still a social worker, I'd have to take my kid away from myself."

"She's a high-class prostitute, not a high-class pedophile."

"I stop talking to Sardis, because he's being a minor prick."
"Hey, he's got a 10 dick. There's nothing minor about that prick."

"You can't step on moist dead babies."

"I KILLED ALL THE BABIES!"
"...Wow, great thing to yell in an orphanage."

"That was where they were building the baby tower. Euuuuuugh."

"Are you going to do the child molester thing again?"

"Do you think Sister Mary Agnes would let us borrow a kid? We need an
excuse to get a prophetic 10-year-old away from his foster parents for the evening."

"I've got it! We grab Roland, kill a pig in their living room, and leave.
Problem solved."

"I love the fact that Riemer carries a gun not in case he has to shoot
the other guy, but in case he has to shoot himself."

"If you put an eye on the end of your dick, when someone was giving you
a blow job you could look down their throat!"

"Yes, but how do you know you wouldn't be pissing off Thor by sticking
your dick in his butt?"

"You've got a 10 dick. Why do you even need a gun?"
"Because we're fighting a little girl."

"Did you just match-fail a Firearms check with me in front of you?"
"Make an example of him! Then, next turn, double zero and kill Sardis!"

"It's all right. Sardis has a shotgun."
"Say that a little louder, why don't you?"

"Dear Nightmare Critter, I am sorry that I beat you with a flashlight."

"Society has taught Aphrodite that she should fear anteaters."

"It's getting pretty bad when I can't even perform oral sex without a
Hail Mary."

"How do you want to do this?"
"Sneak in, kidnap the kid, kill a pig..."

"The more we know, the less masturbation will be involved."

"Hell has just frozen over. Sardis conceded a point to Sam."

"If she wants to be a little white girl, I can make it be that way."
"But then how will she pay for college?"
[Long pause.]
"Wow. We haven't been this racist since Hunter."

"He's like a loyal dog: always at your side, though he never says anything."

"We'll shave the top of his head. You know, it's like a bowl cut, but
gone horribly, horribly wrong."

"You put the 'romance' back in 'necromancy.'"

"You could give a hand job with your feet!"

"Just how do you bend a firepole into the shape of friendship, anyway?"

The Cyanide Suppositories (Player Characters):Samantha Gavel, a high-class stripper and escort who moonlights as an
existentialist philosopher. Played by Nikki.Aphrodite Jambon, a lesbian social worker and Mother avatar originally
from Ethiopia. Played by Sarah.Annakie Nanansie, a friendly Jamaican bum and wandering storyteller now
learning the fine art of being a spy. Played by Iain.Ezekiel Riemer, a none-too-bright firefighter turned Epideromancer with
a bit of a martyr complex. Played by Noel.Ezekial Sardis, a religion professor, Scholar avatar, budding ritualist,
and inventor of his own religion. Played by Eric.
GM: Beth.

Fallen Comrades:Ezekyul Anderson, a high school student with a shadowy past. Dead;
body taken over by his proxy. Played by Jake.Jeremy Erickson, a college student, Plutomancer, and closeted stripper.
Dead; death dumped by his proxy. Played by Rachel.