Team Long Engagement?

I'm in school so we are waiting until after I graduate to even set a date or start planning!!!! So we are looking at 2015-2016. Unlike some though, we aren't living together in the meantime. In fact, b/c of my school and his business, we don't live in the same state right now... so its a little crazy, but we are strong in our love and talk several times a day, visit when we can. Oddly enough it works for me.

So for now, planning involves losing weight, finding ideas of decor and dresses I like and storing them, and finishing college. Oh, and I have two kids, so they keep me busy!!

I guess you could say that I am engaged to be engaged as well.lol. My boyfriend and I live together and have already set a wedding date. June 1, 2014. However, we graduate from college July 2012, so he is waiting until he can get me a good ring before he officially proposes.

This has left me with more inspiration than ever to lose weight. I don't want to step foot in a wedding dress until I look in the mirror and am happy with what I see. 100 pounds in 1 year. Nothing is going to stop me!

Glad to hear your story worked out so wonderfully Kimpy. :) I'm sure my story will be similar. Even if I do get the ring in the next year or so - I don't think I'll be up for planning a wedding or setting any date immediately. We're both very indecisive so it'll probably take us over a year to figure out what we even want to do. We'll just have to wait and see though I guess.

We dated for over 5 years before we got engaged. I was a little worried before we got engaged, but it all worked out. We had some money problems, and he wanted to wait until he could afford the ring. I hope everything works out for you too. We set the wedding date for almost 2 yrs after the engagement so we had plenty of time to save & plan.

Adida - I love the idea of using our creativity and making everything - and I especially love the idea of splurging on the photog. In my opinion, the right photographer can make the most modest wedding celebration beautiful, why the heck wouldn't you spend more on that piece of the puzzle if you could? I definitely plan on making as much as I can in order to spend more there.

Kyliak - Sounds like a wonderfully sweet proposal. I'd be lucky to have such a sweet intimate moment with my guy. :)

I guess my real concern is that we simply come to a mutual agreement to get married and he hands me a ring. I don't want that. My poor mom never got a genuine proposal - her and my dad just kind of realized and decided that's where their relationship was going and there was no romance involved. At least, not from the story she told me. Maybe I made it sound like I was looking for some big event or something, that's not what I meant at all. It would be nice to see him actually get down on one knee with the ring in hand and ask the question. Lol, I only mentioned him proposing while we were sitting on the couch because that's how I imagine my mom's proposal went: my dad: "Hey, so what do you think about this whole marriage thing?" My mom: "I don't know, I'd like to get married someday." My dad: "Ok, so let's get married."

I need a little more romance in my life than that. Haha.

RK - You should do what feels right for you and your fiance. Whoever said you have to set a date after getting engaged? I mean, being engaged is a whole other part of the relationship, shouldn't we all take the time to enjoy that part too? Unfortunately, you'll probably have to deal with people asking about the date until you actually set one. But - I think you're being smart about it. You have to do what's right for you. There are other important things going on in your lives too, not just the engagement.

My faince and I have been engaged for almost a year and a half and have done no real planning for the wedding. We have looked at a few places but have not found anything we like. We have a lot of ideas about what we want and are taking our time to find a place that we absolutely love. One of our biggest issues is cost, everything is so expensive! My parents are willing to pay for the wedding but I know their finances are streched thin right now, and I hate to have them spend so much on one day. We are trying to save to buy a house, my fiance is in school, and I am looking for a new job....we have just had so much going on the wedding plans have been pushed to the side. It's funny cuz he is the one pushing to set a date, when to me it really doesnt matter, we r happy and have lived together for 3 years, nothing will change once we get married. What bothers me is that people are constantly asking me if I've picked a date and why I haven't and if everything is ok with us. I couldn't be happier in my relationship and see no need to rush

My fiance is low key and practical and the proposal was too. It was at a place that meant a lot to us and I LOVED that it was true to him, to me, and to us as a couple. If your fiance can't make dinner reservations, a big showy proposal isn't really gonna happen, but it will still be sweet, and thoughtful, and true to You, too. :)

ROUTE507TOO- mine was also not into big things. He asked me one sunday morning when I woke up he was on one knee and it was perfect. you would be suprided how great simple can be... espeshually when hes so nervous hes shaking.

Yeah, sounds like money is a lot of people's reason for waiting. Once my boyfriend and I do get engaged, I'm not sure how the wedding will go. We've talked about just going to city hall for a long time. Of course, I secretly hope that we will be able to at least have a small wedding - but who knows what the future will bring.

I think alot of us are on the same page for lots of different reasons. I have a promise ring which is engaged to be engaged? LOL The important thing is being together...and the ring :) ok maybe mostly the being together part:) It is hard for me because I want to book the place and if he doesn't pop the ? than I can't book it. Also how much time do I have to fit in a dress LOL I need to drop only about 10 pounds but the last 10 are always the hardest:) right now I have a trainer....and then a week after I got him I got a promise ring...funnny how guys are :)

I am in a relatively long term engagement as well---but it's mostly for monetary reasons. He just moved in with me a couple of months ago, and he is a divorcee with 3 girls, that he has partial custody of. We wanted to make sure we had plenty of time to save money for the wedding because neither of us is terribly good at saving. lol We also don't want to go into a lot of debt to get things done quickly, so we are just taking things a step at a time and buying what we can afford along the way.

Haha, Luann. I hope so. I don't have very high expectations. Just that he make a plan - any plan - on his own. I'd settle for reservations at a nice restaurant. Though, even in the past when I've asked him to take make reservations me out for dinner on my birthday he always consults with me first. Lol.

That's true SCTK, but I want the engagement and the ring and the wedding planning period. I don't want to skip all that pomp and circumstance. I guess I feel like I deserve to have those experiences and as much as I want to be married to my boyfriend, these are things I'd like to go through first.

I think I'm most excited about him proposing someday. He's not very creative and isn't the best planner - but I'm sure as long as he does something I'll be impressed and excited. I'd be pretty sad if he turned to me while we were sitting on the couch and proposed. Lol. I need a little more creativity than that.

I guess I feel like I've put a lot of effort into planning things for him in the past, and I would like for him to plan SOMETHING. Lol.

Same here, I've shown him what my general style is (which is very much in line with what he'd pick anyway, I think), and so I'm sure he'll "get the job done" :)

My boyfriend is also anti-debt, which is one of the things I love and respect about him. I trust that when things are in place, it'll happen. Doesn't stop me from bouncing off the walls waiting though! :)

I can definitely understand the long engagement for the reasons you have. I'm sorry to hear about your ex. I hope the kids are able to cope with the situation okay.

I'll cross my fingers and hope you guys see your dad soon!

Sounds like our guys are in the same predicament with the ring situation. My boyfriends very anti-debt, so he really doesn't want to create any debt by purchasing me a ring. Which I can understand. His savings now are really more for the house - we've had some appliances acting wonky lately - so who knows if we'll need to dip into that for a new washer or dishwasher at some point. Hope not, but I'd rather have the fund there to be able to make any necessary repairs or purchases than have a nice shiny ring and be hitching it to the laundromat and hand-washing dishes all the time. Lol.

I kind of showed him a couple rings I like already, so he's got the style down. Just needs the cashflow. :)

Thanks for joining me here! We've also gotten some comments about "being strung along", and honestly I've sometimes worried about that, but logically I know that's not the case.

He sort of proposed about a month ago, but he's still searching for a ring. I *think* (but I'm not sure), that he'll do a more formal proposal when he gets one and gets the details sorted out. Dunno. He did say, however, that he wants to wait until he sees my dad in person again, so that he can ask him his blessing. :) (Which might be in October).

We're both divorcees, and both have fairly young-ish kids (though we're both non-custodial parents). He's said that he wanted to be unmarried for a minimum of 5 years, as a personal commitment to himself, and I can respect that (although sometimes it drives me nuts!).

Another big reason is that my ex has cancer, and we're waiting to see how that plays out. If I need to take over as the custodial parent, I'll end up having to move out of our apartment and move into the larger apartment my kids live in now. It's really unfair to the kids to say "hey guys, your dad is dying, we're switching things around...oh, and btw...I'm getting married!". Just too much at once.

Can I ask why the long engagement? Or is that too nosy? I'm just curious cause 4 years seems like an awfully long engagement, longer than what I typically hear which is only 1 or 2 years and that's really planning time or trying to secure a location (ie. place in my hometown books based on a lottery 1.5 years in advance).

Jees, from what I said a minute ago it sounds like he's stringing me along.

Friends have asked me about this before - and all I can say is he better not be. I have no problem walking away from him and the house if he doesn't get his stuff together by say...December 2012. If we're not engaged and deciding on what our wedding will be like by then, we'll have to sit down and have some serious discussions.

I do have a couple bargaining chips - no kids and no getting on my insurance until we're married. He's looking to join my health insurance plan to save money. I guess in MA you don't have to be married anymore to do this - but in my house you do. Lol.

Hi there. I'm in the boat with you - except my boyfriend and I aren't even engaged yet. We're engaged to be engaged. Lol.

We bought a house together almost a year ago now - and we've been so busy with renovations and summer activities that he hasn't been able to save up much for a ring. [He better start working harder on this.]

But in any case, by the time we get engaged and such, I'm guessing our wedding will be 2014-2015-ish.

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