Over the weekend the city of Chico, California hosted the U.S. National Yo-Yo Championships, just like it does every year, and there were winners! Nimble, lightning-fast winners, most of whom were male. In fact, only one woman competed in this year's contest: 19-year-old Ann Connolly, who won the "Best Girl Player" award. WTF, ladies? Stop having babies and get cracking on your Rock the Babies. Stop sleeping and start practicing your Reverse Sleepers. Let's estrogenize that thing next year.

For now, let's enjoy the dexterity and showmanship of Harold Owens III, who won the 1A Finals with this whoah-worthy performance. (Disclaimer: I taught Owens everything he knows.) You can watch other performances by other winners right here, because someone took the time to collect them all. That was nice.