We're all playing by 'Henry's Rule'

"Everyone is willing to give something for whatever it is they desire the most."

- Henry Oberlander,

swindler, thief

Henry Oberlander was a master forger, con man and thief who did his dirty work during the 1930s. He and his small gang were so effective, the prosecutor at his trial noted, "If he had not been checked, he would have brought down the banking system of virtually the whole civilized world." In his day he was worse than Bernie Madoff who was convicted of the largest fraud in American history and who will die in prison.

Henry certainly understood how people's minds worked. The quote that starts this column is known as "Henry's Rule."

"Everyone is willing to give something for whatever it is they desire the most." Henry knew that people would give him lots of money on the promise that he would give them much more money in return, the thing they desired the most.

It perfectly describes con men like him and Madoff. It describes people like John Rigas, founder of Adelphia Cable who defrauded investors of billions while treating himself to a $700,000 exclusive golf club membership, among other excesses.

But if you stop to think about it, we are all playing by "Henry's Rule," aren't we? We're playing by it for good or for bad every day.

I've spent many years as a substance abuse counselor. In that role I've seen addicts and alcoholics give much for the drug they desired most: their money, their possessions, their families, their bodies, and ultimately their hope. All for the escape they desired the most.

I've seen those in recovery give dearly for the sobriety they desired: the physical agony of withdrawal, their friends, the places they went, the things they once enjoyed, the pride that once kept them from crying out, "I can't do this on my own, please help me!"

I've seen parents who gave dearly and painfully to keep peace in their house. They paid by keeping their child's problem behavior from their spouse, or by letting their child terrorize the family, by paying to get their child out of trouble, and worst of all, giving them money knowing it would be spent on alcohol or drugs. They too paid with their hope.

I've seen parents give, and give up things, to live up to their role as parents, enduring the emotional exhaustion of standing unmoved by their child's tantrums. They enforced rules even when their children's friends were being indulged by their parents. They gave up some personal pursuits to invest in quality time with their children. They endured the pain of hearing their child say "I hate you" when enforcing limits - a pain their children won't fully understand until they have children of their own.

I've seen people give up their family for the money and prestige they desired.

I've seen people give up money and prestige for the family they loved.

We all play by "Henry's Rule," saints and sinners alike. We are all willing to give something for whatever it is we desire the most.

But what is it we desire the most? This is a soul-probing question; one that must not be answered quickly. There will be a price to pay, likely a very costly one.

Do you desire a good marriage? There are precious things you will give, and give up, for it.

Do you desire to be good parents? You will give and give up a great deal for that prize, especially the understanding and approval of your children from time to time.

Do you desire to live a moral life? You will give the time daily to examine your life to see how you're measuring up, and make whatever painful changes you must to approach that desire.

Isn't it ironic? The rule that guided one of the most notorious swindlers in history turns out to be the very same one used by those who made the world a better place.

For every Henry Oberlander there was a Mother Theresa who quietly inspired the world, and who didn't even own the simple wooden sandals she wore.

For every Bernie Madoff there's a Dale Beatty, a double amputee of the Iraq war who rose past his disability to co-found "Purple Heart Homes" and is quietly modifying dwellings for disabled veterans.

For every John Rigas there's a Robin Emmons who left her prosperous corporate job to found "Sow Much Good," a nonprofit growing and providing fresh produce to the inner-city poor.

"Everyone is willing to give something for whatever it is they desire the most."

What is it you truly desire the most?

What are you willing to give, and give up, for it?

Ed Pane, a licensed social worker and certified advanced alcohol and drug counselor, can be reached at edpane@ptd.net. He asks that readers consider giving generously to this year's United Way of Greater Hazleton appeal.

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