Getting your best friend back might feel impossible, but just remember that the things that hold two people together don’t usually disappear overnight. To get your best friend back after you’ve had a fight or after a new person has entered the mix (for example a new friend, boyfriend/girlfriend), use one of the methods below.

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Steps

Method 1 of 3: Getting a friend back after a fight

1

Don’t get caught up in rumors. When friends fight, other friends take sides and start gossiping. This can only make things worse. If anybody starts talking badly about the other person, politely ask them to stop and say that you’re not interested. Don’t say anything about your friend behind their back, either, or it will get back to them.

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2

Make a heartfelt apology. If you’ve done something wrong, simply saying “I’m sorry” usually isn’t enough. You need to be detailed and specific. Even if you don’t think the fight was your fault, you might have to take the high road and be the first to apologize if you ever want to get the friendship up and running again. Things to consider:

Don’t say “I’m sorry you feel that way.” This isn’t a real apology. You need to be sorry for whatever it is you did, not how they responded to it. If you didn’t start the fight, apologize for how you reacted to whatever it is that did. Say, “I’m sorry I exploded at you” or “I’m sorry I didn’t take you seriously” or whatever else needs to be said.

Don’t point fingers. Even if your friend is at fault, that’s something you can work out later. First, you need to get back on speaking terms.

Save the excuses. Saying “I’m sorry, but…” and then making a huge list of justifications is just insulting. Only give reasons when they’re valid. “I’m sorry I said the things I said. I was having a horrible day and took it out on you” is a valid reason that will probably make your friend feel better.

Don’t take responsibility for anything you didn’t do. If your friend caused this mess, there’s no need for you to take the fall. (Even if it “fixes” things in the short term, you’ll just end up resenting them later.) Instead, apologize for each and every thing you did, but don’t even mention the things they did. Let your friend think everything over. After that, it’ll be up to them to apologize back to you.

If your friend won’t talk to you in person, write an email – or, if you think they’ll delete it, write a note and put it in their locker, car, etc.

3

Explain your feelings in “I” and “we” terms. The best way to confront a friend about what they’ve done is to tell them how it affected you. Practice explaining the entire situation using only the words like “I” and “we,” never “you.” Never tell your friend what they did to you. This will put them on the defensive and make them much less likely to listen to whatever it is you have to say (especially if you’ve misunderstood the situation).

Incorrect: “You really hurt my feelings. You attacked me, didn’t let me defend myself, and didn’t listen when I tried to bring it up again later. I don’t even think you take this friendship seriously anymore.”

Correct: “My feelings were really hurt by our fight. I felt like I was being attacked and didn’t have a chance to defend myself, even when I tried to explain things later. Our friendship means a lot to me and I really want us to work this out.”

4

Give your friend space if they need it. If you’ve done everything you can and your friend is still mad, they might just need time to cool down, think things over, and recover. Constantly calling, texting, emailing, and pestering them is not going to put them in a forgiving mood. And besides, it’s hard to miss somebody who’s always around.

Don’t confuse this with giving your friend the cold shoulder. Playing games is not what real friends do. Simply stay out of the person’s hair for a while – and if you happen to bump into each other, keep it friendly.

5

Don’t neglect a friend in pain. Okay, so you’ve avoided the rumor mill, apologized, explained your half of the story, and given your friend space. Why are they still angry? If your friend is the introverted type, maybe you haven’t given them a real chance to get everything off their chest. If this is the case, ask them your mistake so you can fix it. Don’t wait for things to blow over or they may never heal.

6

Genuinely forgive and forget. Once the fight has been resolved, don’t keep punishing your friend, acting cold, or bringing up mistakes they made as ammo in other fights. Let go and move on.

Method 2 of 3: Maintaining the friendship after a new person is involved

1

Realize that the relationship dynamics often change after a romantic relationship, marriage, all-consuming business partnership (or similar) takes over your friend's life. This can leave little space for you as a best friend. Usually the change is temporary and things will settle over time but in the meantime, follow these suggestions.

2

Keep acting like you’re friends. Talk to them often, be friendly and polite, and share a laugh, but don’t force the issue, cause unnecessary drama, or give them any more reasons not to want to spend time with you don't give too much attention away as your friend might feel as though you are telling them you have found better people.

3

Don't be clingy. Friendship is a bit like an elastic band: one minute they are there for you and then they stretch away but will, given time and space, come pinging back to you. If you act like your friend isn’t allowed to have other people in their life, they’ll push even harder to get away from you and your efforts to control them.

4

Make new friends of your own. For starters, making friends – even casual ones – will give you a boost of confidence that you probably need right now and help you take your mind off of the other person. On top of that, it will remind your friend that you have a life of your own and that, if they want to keep the friendship going, they have to put work into it. Finally, it will remind your other friend that you’re a fun person with something to offer.

Make sure you do this with the right attitude. If you just do this to get back at your old friend, it will be obvious, make you look petty, drive your friend farther away, and, worst of all, make your new (so-called) friends feel used. If you get back at an old friend by making new friends feel just as lousy as you do, maybe there’s a good reason why the friendship ended in the first place.

5

Reach out to the new person. Maybe you’re reacting badly to them because you’re jealous when, in reality, they’re actually pretty cool. Keep an open mind and try to get to know this person by inviting both them and your friend out to something. (If you think there’s a possibility you’ll end up being the third wheel, invite another person or two to be safe.) If it’s a new boyfriend or girlfriend, be excited for your friend’s happiness and let them feel like they can confide in you.

6

Let it blow over on its own. Let’s face it: new relationships come and go pretty quickly. If you and your friend have been together for a long time, the change is probably temporary, especially if it’s a boyfriend or girlfriend you’re dealing with. In fact, you’re probably the person your friend will come crying to when everything blows over, so try to have fun and cultivate new friendships in the meantime. When it’s over, hopefully your friend will remember why you’re a keeper.

Method 3 of 3: The three do's and dont's

Do's

1

Do apologize to them. If you have done something wrong, for example, said something mean to them, give a heartfelt apology. Don't just say "I'm sorry". Say, "I'm really sorry for calling you names. I didn't mean anything I said. I just wanted to be funny, but in reality, I was being an idiot. I promise I won't do it to you again".

2

Do talk to them. If you haven't spent a lot of time with your friend lately, chat to them, ask how they are, and be polite.

3

Do spend time with them. If you have an interest in common, try it out together. You two will have the chance to bond and spend quality time together.

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Don'ts

1

Don't be clingy. If you are always by their side, then they will get sick of you, and hang out with other people.

2

Don't bribe them. If you give them something nice, they will just think you are trying to buy their friendship or forgiveness and they will not appreciate this.

3

Don't be mean. If they are purposefully annoying you, then you will want to get back at them. This only makes the friendship less, and your friendship will grow apart.

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Tips

Just make sure your friend knows you truly do love them, and you'll do anything, as long as it's reasonable, to get them back.

Calm down before you talk to your friend again. Make sure you are completely calm before you confront them.

Keep in touch with them and remind them that they're your best friend, then they will feel bad about forgetting you and do what's best, which is being your friend again.

Make sure your friend knows you are still thinking of them, even though you are trying to give them space.

If you are the one that caused the conflict go talk to her/him. Tell her/him the truth and try to show you had good intentions rather than being two faced with her/him that will just make it worse. Try to express you did not mean to hurt their feelings intentionally.

If you are having a hard time getting the courage to walk up and talk to your friend, calm down a little bit. Haven't you guys been there for each other? You know how your friend acts. If she or he gets too stressed by your bugging, then back off for a while. Getting back a friend is a slow process; you have to be patient and understand it from their point of view.

If they still don't want to be friends, let them go. It will be hard, but it's for your own benefit. Hang around with new people and don't care what anyone else thinks about you; be strong, independent and make sure they know you aren't weak and that you can stand on your own two feet. Most of all, be yourself!

If you think a friend is mad at you, ask once, then go from there. You just might need a break for a little bit.

When you apologize, sometimes your friend will not accept it or say, "Sorry. It doesn't count." When this happens, you know it's time to do something nice for her or him. If all else fails, try finding a friend that cares about you the most and help get your friend back. Don't use violence. It's never the answer to your problems.

If this person doesn't respect or respond to your lack of response. Don't make it noticeable that you want her or he back it will take time to settle down and be friends again.

Tell them how much you love them. Tell them you'll never forget them and make sure they know you'll always be there for them.

If you are really torn, consult another trusted person, like a parent or older sibling. That person will provide you with additional ideas and approaches, but make sure you don't tell every last detail, and try to relate it to something else. The person you tell might get involved and take control, which will be uncomfortable for both of you and make your former friend hate you even more.

See how your best friend reacts to your kind side. Show it more often. It could just tip him/her over the edge and make you mates again.

If it was a big group fight and you were dragged along with it and did something to make someone hate you. Try building it up again from the start. Have another group of friends and weave you way back into he group.

If you feel like your friend doesn't want to be forced into your friendship again, go to another group and look very happy. That way, your friend will wish she or he was there to make more memories with you.

If you've been talking about one of your best friends to another friend behind her back, it will hurt the other friends feelings.

Talk it out. She's your best friend and small fights shouldn't come between your friendship. After all what does BFF stand for?

Warnings

Never, ever set out intentionally to make them jealous. Going over to a new group, laughing and chatting, and then smirking over at your former friend will not fix things. If anything, it will make things worse.

If you are still in school, do not get an adult involved. This will lead to your best friend getting even angrier with you.

Never sound petulant or jealous when confronting your friend.

Don't apologize and then ignore your best friend. If you do she will probably not take you back.

Being really mean to your friends' new friend or boyfriend/girlfriend will only make your friend stand up for them against you and this will spark a clash.