Hello Internet Reader. You heard it here first; Failure is heavier than Success. I’m sure that this will turn out to have all sorts of implications in the fields of physics, politics, and athletics. Read on if you want to understand my train of thought that brought me to this exciting discovery.

Recently, there have been rumors that Rogers Communications may be buying shares in Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment, the body that controls the Toronto Maple Leafs (hockey), Toronto FC (soccer), and Toronto Raptors (basketball). This would give them controlling interest in four major professional sports teams in Toronto (they currently own the Toronto Blue Jays (baseball)).

This got me thinking about Toronto sports teams in general. They haven’t had many good years recently:

Raptors: Last Championship – Never / Last Playoff Appearance – 2008 (Only once got past the first round)

Toronto FC: Last Championship – Never / Last Playoff Appearance – Never

Blue Jays: Last Championship – 1993 / Last Playoff Appearance – 1993

To the defence of Toronto FC and the Raptors, they are fairly new teams. However, they have seemed to have latched on to the Toronto sport team legacy of failure.

But this begs the question, why so much failure in Toronto?

Well you see, as any Canadian knows (especially Toronto-ains), Toronto is the centre of the universe. Like most things that are the centre of something, it tends to have the most mass and therefore attracts other things. Looking at the solar system, the Sun is the centre of mass, and other object gravitate towards and around it.

So, all things in the universe are pulled towards Toronto. Of course, this means that both success and failure are attracted to Toronto. However, failure seems to accumulate there faster, and in greater numbers then success. Proving once and for all that Failure is heavier than Success.

But what does this have to do with Rogers Communications? Well, anyone who has tried to get a cell phone signal on the Rogers Network in Newfoundland knows exactly what I’m talking about regarding failure.

Disclaimer: This post is in jest, and if you are offended, you should learn how to take a joke. And if that comment offended you, I’m sorry. Please refrain from fire bombing my car or home. Thank you for your consideration.