Oh, I know how trendy it is to say "I don't need cable, I hardly watch any TV....."

Screw that!

I don't watch that much TV either, but when I do I wanna' watch A&E.

I'm sick of the fucking local channels.

I'm sick of "Eyewitness news, channel 3"

Beight knows where I'm coming from.

The local channels here are gay.

For one commercial for "Channel 3, eyewitness news" they got the freggin' news staff standing in the shape of the state of Connecticut. Looking up at the camera like a bunch of zombies. I tell ya' I can't deal such crap, it drivs me looney!

And the news!

Oh lord!

Headline news is that a Connecticut tree is gonna' be used in Time Square for Christmas.

How utterly sad.

Do you think a California news station would got ape-shit over that if it was a California tree?

Not-bloody likely!

So, I'm boycotting the friggin' local bastards and going national.

Genghis Jon's going national, tell your friends.

Since we're on the topic of television, there's this commercial that I've seen that I feel I need to talk about with my diary chums.

It's a commercial for something called "It's Pasta anytime"

What this marvelous product is is a micowavable pasta dish.

The commercial consists of two men talking on the phone.

I think the senerio is both their wives our away and they're on a mission not to starve to death.

One of the guy plays the role sort of like a dansel in distress. Feverishly scowering the cabnets, looking for something to eat before he perishs.

The other, is the calm, clear voice in the drama. The hero if you will. He's relaxing on the couch listening to his pal starving.

While the dansel is whining, the hero is implying that "if only you had gotten 'It's pasta anytime' your life would fall back together"

There's several things WRONG with this.

*First, If you think that in this day in age American men would starve to death if they didn't have their wife there to cook for them, then you're a nipple!

*Second, what kind of stupid name is "It's pasta anytime!"

Third, I called up the local Stop & Shop to see how much this costs. $3, Do you know how much pasta you can get for $3? Like 6 pounds! And it's not that hard to make either. I don't know what the draw is to make pasta faster.
People! You have to realize that the folks over on Madison Ave think you're a bunch of morons that can only comprehend info on a kintergarten level.

This really makes me mad. I've written to two ad agencies in the past letting them know how pissed I was for being treated like a five year old. There's only so much I can take before I gotta start writing letters. They both wrote back kissing my ass. I kept writing back to them just because I knew it was their policy to ALWAYS return a letter. So after awhile I started writing letters saying that if they sent me $20 I'd forget about my "emotional whiplash" that they've given me due to their "hurtful" advertisement. They wrote back stuff taking me completely serious. Fun stuff. One time I also wrote to Yale telling them "Good NEWS!, I've decided to pick their school! When can I check in?" and that "I understand someone might need to see my GED diploma, should I just hand that to someone on my way in?" They wrote back like one sentence "we are not expecting you to come, you've not apllied nor been accepted to Yale. Again, please do not come."

I know some of you are gonna' write me saying "That's from the book Letters from a nut!"

Wrong.

I was sending these types of letters like 5 years before that guy wrote that book.