Sunday, March 23, 2008

i was talkin to an old friend a while back.strangly enuf,the topic drifted back to our respective partners./roll eyes.guys ftw.i swear every occasion would be a booze + girls conversation

and this lil thing came out by accident,

the word : heartstrings.

you know,all my life,i admired pple who could treat relationships with a certain distance,to be able to detach themselves very easily,no notice, and feel absolutely no loss, no emotion.or maybe its juz guy thing im supposed to have but yet i cant do, and hence my admiration.but then again,there are girls who can do it.so it set me wondering on the trip back what exactly defines an emotional attachment and this word kept poppin up in my head.

heartstrings.

you always hear the things like : key to your heart, place in your heart, opening the door to your heart etc etc billion of other heart related cliches.

but strangly enuf not one like heartstrings.

it would sound pretty weird eh?

"darling,i love you, and this here's my heartstrings."

-_-

lol the romantic in me prefers "darling i love you, and i give you the keys to my heart"

but yet the slightly more practical side of me realises that the former would probably be more of value.maybe its cuz the latter's been cliche-ed a billion ways to hell and beyond./shrugs.

niwae.the topic of the discussion came to this.i would describe the person in question as someone pretty free spirited,more then a lil character and all.and one change's tads came over when the rship started was this strange deep mellowing.suddenly the tone changes,and one hears a strange inflection in the voice.and then the question of overseas travel came about.and then this statement came out.

"last time if i wanted to do anithin,i juz do one leh.dun care one.but now i would think about X and how X'll feel before i do it"

i guess tad really is a true rship for him.in a rship if both parties put each other first,its kinda hard to step wrong eh?of course if both parties want to gif,one's gonna hafta "lose" and actually take,but in the grandoise scheme,probably doesnt matter cuz 3 steps later the reversal of roles would probably occur and then it'll start all over again and probably even out and thus the coining of the term "give and take"

and then again,there are rships that work fine witout all this kinda stuff.qouting another person,"if can can lo,kenot kenot la.she understand i also suay bian one.can work can alr"

now tads a whole different kinda admiration.of course the person mentioned fits into the abovementioned catergory,but i for the life of me can not see how the hell a rship can exist without communication(their meeting/talkin times/sms time can be like once a week.-_-), how it can exist witout caring about the other person's emotion(like gettin back of results his partner sad and he juz said "juz apply la.results out alr.you also kenot change.okay?"/end conversation),

/boggled eyes. o.0

i guess there are building blocks to every firm and concrete relationship,of which heartstrings,communication are defintely a very big part of,the generic chemistry i guess.

hmmm.building blocks would be the right term i guess.the apt term if you will.

looking at it this way.

way back in the times where the phrase probably came about,

a house was probably something you'll invest a whole shit load of time in,building it brick by brick,sealing up the crack seam by seam,making sure that its strong enuf to not be shaken by external influences,to be able to withstand the stress brought about by the elements,to be warm and snug inside so you can find solace and a place to rest aft a bad day,when you're building it there would be times you'll get sian-ed,you cant even lay the bricks cuz the wind's not being nice,you can mix your cement cuz its raining like a dog,you're out huddling in the cold,but yet the builder would see only the end structure and when it all blows over,he's right back at it again.for he knows its worth it to have a good house to stay in.but yet,as his house gets higher,and he gets even more tired,his house is even more exposed to the ails,and he's in a lesser mood to bother about it.food for thought eh?but its worth it for him.=)

/shrugs.contentment as you know it i guess.=)

and in the case of a rship,there are but 2 builders,and only 1 pair of hands.why one pair??

cuz their other hands are holding each other.it only takes 1 person to not want to do it,and the entire structure starts gettin eroded faster then it can be built.but..................there's the slow and steady, and there's the fast and hasty.

wad matters is the heart of both the parties, and their love to see them true.

the sun beats down on the chosen plot,the songbirds lift off in their flocks,the builder marches forth and claims his land,with his eyes he sees the work he'll begin.

each brick forged out with loving care,love and dedication in equal share,rain and sleet he pays no heed,through it all he toils over the pit.

the foundations are driven in deep,stuck in the mud are his feet,it bogs him down and smells like shit,he ignores it all and digs in deep.

finally its done and he stops to see,eventually resting below a tree,he allows himself a lil rest,his house has passed the first test.

with a sturdy foundation he strives to build,a house worthy of the holes he's drilled,he fills the sides and evens the surface out,but now appear the grey storm clouds.

the storm comes and he rides it out,meanwhile his house's swaying like a drunken lout,would it last he worries furtively about,its up in the air till the storm runs out.

it clears and he's heartened to observe.its withstood the test and has still some left in reserve,"its worth it" he screams and jumps right back in,piling bricks like a demon's driving him,

soon it takes shapes and its structure's formed,he can actually hide inside should there be storms,but still he gets soaked in the rain,for the roof is the last thing that remains.

eventually he finishes the sides and begins on the roof,here the winds blow about with howls sounding like wolves,it sweeps the nails right out of his hands,its absolute mayhem.

timber by timber he firmly nails down,the strain is tellin his face in perpertual frown,there's not even a single person around,his heartbeat,his tools, the only sounds.

when its finally done,he stops and stares.its completed,his house would withstand the wear and tear.the storms and rains would never touch him.safe and snug in his house he'll be,happily sippin his cup of tea.

i guess its enuf to say we didnt get much windsurfing done since we were mostly falling into the water.

lol.

however,

this week.

nice wind,nice sun,everythin was juz about as perfect as one could hope for it to be.

1st attempt.

/scrabble up board.

hoist sail into neutral position.

balance.

wind grabs hold of the sail and nearly rips it out my hand.

i turn to giant and shout "SIAO LIAO THE WIND SIBEI HIONG"

/watch giant laugh,forget he's supposed to be balancing,

and falls into the water with a big splash.

i start laughing,

forget im supposed to be balancing,

fall into water myself and the boom comes down rite o top of my head and smacks me silly.

/kick to surface

/swear really loudly.

/turn to giant and i see laffin his head off at me and he starts scolding me for making him laugh n now he cant stop and focus nuf to get on his board.

okie so nvm.

one shall not be daunted despite the magnitude of the task.

so i scrabble on board once more,

bring the boom to neutral position,holding it there..

and slowly start shifting my legs to the move off position,

and then smack the boom into the lift off position....

n............

start inching forward, slowly...

and i remember the words of my coach.

"IF YOU WANNA GO FASTER, BRING THE BOOM TOWARDS YOU TO CATCH THE WHOLE WIND."

and i pull the boom towards me bravely.

now this happens in a micro second.

i pull it into me in 1 motion,

suddenly the force pulling the boom forward quadruples. AT LEAST 4 x.

before i can scream or swear,my board accelerates like a jackrabbit whose balls juz got prodded with a electric prod.

i desperately tryta hang on,

and next thing i know,the wind pulls me ALL THE DAM WAY OFF THE BOARD TOGET WITH MY SAIL.

im not shitting you it lifted my ass.

of course it helped tad the wave motions prob left my CG a lil higher,

BUT SHIT MANG ITS JUZ WIND!!!!

i flew off the dam board.

landed a good distance away from my board.now if i was on land,

the expressions would be "shocked flat on my ass"

but since i was in the middle of the sea, i was "shocked flat on my lifejacket"

well,

enuf with the failures,

so lets gif you the true windsurfing 101 experience.

you climb onto the board,

and ride the waves 1st.

you bring up the 15 kg sail and slowly lift it and let your board straighten out,

and then shift your feet to the move off position.you wait for the wave to hit,quickly balance out and shift the boom forward and into the vertical position and maintain your balance.

you begin to feel your board rushing forward.

swish swish swish it goes,smackin its head on incoming waves as it heads out to sea.

you hang on for dear life till your movements r secure against the wave motion.you then reach and put your other hand on the other end of the boom,and sloooowly,inch it in towards you.

every lil bit you pull in,you feel your board tryin to run from under you.

the wave motion start to get even more hiong,as your board starts going up them at speed and literally flying outta water for that bit of time and landing before mounting the next wave.

finally when you're leaning all the way back,and you're confident,you pull the sail to the full face of the wind.

then you feel the wind on your back,your sail angled forward,your board making surf as it speeds along the surface of the water and you speed out to sea,and you lean all the way back,the sail and its wind taking your full weight,and you really speed,i swear i was up to a good 3 x of my sprinting speed.

that my dear frends.

is windsurfing at its best.

=)

now if i could learn howta turn properly,

i wouldnt hafta keep doing a paddle recovery back to shore.lol.

oh wellz.

2nd lesson only.

i shall improve.

but its the best decision for an outdoor activity ive made in a long time.

Saturday, March 08, 2008

since my kid cancelled on me and i got my guitar timings rearranged,this is the longest weeked ive had in a long time.=)good 2-3 hours to myself.to be honest i was supposed to leave home a while back,but yea./shrugs.the best laid plans.and since im sitting down all dressed up and no where to go,ive decided to share this article.its from teh weekend today.

in love and in war.

how do 2 individuals,with all their differences,make it work?

by crispina roberts.

last month,i celebrated my 12th wedding anniversary.well,sort of.the day started moderately well, i didnt yell at my husband to wake up but nudged him gently instead.we also had a lovely buffet lunch.but by nightfall,we were sulkin over a silly argument.it got me thinking about what makes a marriage strong ad ahow 2 pple ciwht all their unresolved issues from childhood and adulthood come together everyday and make it stick.i turned to some reading and chanced upon a Harvard Business Review article about rships.John Gottman, executive director of the Rship Research Institute, has been studying marriage and divorce for 35 years.His studies are serious stuff, pple are taped,heart monitored,and biofeedback devices attached to their very beings to measure reactions to conflict and intimacy.this are some of the findings.

Successful couples tryta say yes alot.

this means they look for the positive by saying things like : "thats a good idea, why dun we try it?"to find out more aout a union, Gottman used a "Paper Tower Tsk" couples are given materials to build a tower in half an hour.succesful couples bask ech other for ideas.the unhappy ones were negative and someone would say "would you be quiet while i figure it out?"i pictured myself and my husband doing this and i can see us running into problems. He likes to take the "scenic route" while i need to get things done yesterday.if i had to do "amazing race", he'll be the last person i'll pack.he'll say the same.

once we made the mistak of kayaking in the open sea toget. i gave up halfway and he had to do all the paddling. we yelled at each other and eventually,we juz waited for someone to come and get us. needless to say,this is one activity we've never done since. so we arent the "yes" kinda couple.

there are 4 bad horseman of the apocalypse.Criticism, Defensiveness, Stonewalling, Comtempt.

of the 4, contempt is the worst as it leads to disgust, and eventually kills the rship.now this was a lil troubling for me. for one,i dun know anyone who is not critical of their spouse, not defensive of their own action and stonewalls.who else can you call names and stew for a few days juz to show o're upset?not your boss,coleagues nor frens.

contempt,however,can be deadly.

there are coupels who dont seem to respect,admire of even like each other.and that seems real unpleasant to me.not matter how annoying my husband is, i admire many things about him. his intelligence,his wit,his generosity and the sheer adoration he has for his sons.i am cheered tad i do not have the most wicked horseman.

the last point is alot of crap so im not gonna type it out nd go str8 to the the summary points.

What makes or breaks a rship.

1) say yes.

successful couples always look for the positive and tryta say yes as often as possible.pple in good rships embrace conflict and work thru them. in troubled partnerships,there are many "no"s.

2)learn to give in.

how accepting a man is of his wife influence is crucial. Men who say to their wives " Gee thats a good point" or "Yea i guess we could do that" are more likely to be in happier unions.

3)laugh it out.

most conflicts are over minor thigns. its how we fight and patch things up tad makes or breaks a rship. using humour, affection,silliness,lust and touch can make profound connections.

4)remember the lov, Part 1.

things that make it stick. show respect and affection for thy partner. pay compliemtns,show interst, listen to their ideas and touch.

5)remember thy love part 2.

things that unravel a union: Criticism,defensiveness,stonewalling and contempt.

to you,if you should read this,lol,we're so far disconnected but oh wells,there's still so much hope,if this can speak to you,dun let the silly things get you down mang.despite your own battle,at least he's willing to make the effort still rite?so no harm rite there man.but in the end,if its meant to be, its meant to be.but as i told another close friend before.if it has to end, dun let it be becuz you didnt try hard enuf.you wunt want to live with the regret and wondering "what if". give everythin you have, and if it doesnt work out,you can always pick the pieces up and rebuild.i'll be here to loan a helping hand.smile.=)

pretty insightful article for me tbh.i was readin this on the train and it nearly made me drop my phone which i was msging on.lol.how do you study marriage.i wonder if that dude is married himself.

Friday, March 07, 2008

i've been chattin up to certain pple ive neglected for the longest time.pple tad came into my life from the weirdest directions.and somehow the topic always drifts to the person's love life.lol.love truly iz all around eh?and its juz seems to me tad it really is all a matter of time and place.

i read this from someone's blog,

"is love really tad complicated,or is it us human beings that make it so"

i juz dunno.being really tired makes you really really emo.sleeping less den 5 hours will day will wear you down eventually.esp since im on my self inspired project.heh.and insteada of dropping off to bed the instant i put down the phone everynite like i used to,i find myself rolling it over and over in my head till i doze off from weariness.and still no solutionin all honesty to myself,there prob isnt one,the only solution would be as time moves on i guess.

___________________________________________________________okielollost my train of thought.shall continue when i get home.been rushin meetings all round the clock.10 mins to knock off!!!_____________________________________________________________

hmm.okie,im too tired to really blog coherently.still got stuff to do before tmr comes.imma come back another day.=P

i was listening to radio.and this song came on.hahaha im not sure how many of you are like me,but i tink a goodly portion of us are guilty of listenin to music but not hearing the lyrics.buuuuuuuut,since her first song was pretty decent lyrics wise,i decided to pay close attention to the words.and im glad i did.=)one line really caught my attention.lets see if any lines speak to you guys as well.

colbie colliat's - realise

Take time to realize That your warmth is Crashing down on in Take time to realize That I am on your side Well didn't I, didn't I tell you But I can't spell it out for you No it's never gonna be that simple No I can't spell it out for you If you just realize What I just realized That we'd be perfect for each other And we'll never find another Just realize What I just realized We'd never have to wonder If we missed out on each other, now Take time to realize Oh oh, I'm on your side Didn't I, didn't I tell you Take time to realize Oh oh, I'm on your side Oh ooo oh ooo oh But I can't spell it out for you No it's never gonna be that simple No I can't spell it out for you If you just realize What I just realized That we'd be perfect for each other And we'll never find another Just realize What I just realized We'd never have to wonder If we missed out on each other, but

It's not the sameNo it's never the same If you don't feel it too If you meet me half way If you would meet me half way It could be the same for you If you just realize What I just realized That we'd be perfect for each other And we'll never find another Just realize What I just realized We'd never have to wonder If we missed out on each other Just realize What I just realized That we'd be perfect for each other And we'll never find another Just realize What I just realized We'd never have to wonder If we missed out on each other, now Missed out on each other now Missed out on each other now Missed out on each other now

btw, featured on the song is a really nice harmony,and i was wondering who the hell was tad,thinkin it was like another no namer like tony tony tony who's been on alicia keys's harmonies so many times with pple thinkin he's usher,but surprise!!its james blunt.no wonder.=)

which line speaks to you?=)

______________________________________________i woke up really early and went to msia today to talk business,and on the drive up,just struck me.a few posts back i was talkin about the situation ive found myself in once again and how if thru so many different circumstances,the problem still exists,then the constant is the problem,in the immortal words,once you eliminated the rest,the answer is obvious,and tad constant is me,and i do believe my brainwave at 5 in the morning was....tad i be lookin for something that i shouldnt be lookin for,not for the next 7-8 years at least.and with this lies my discontent.

how retarded of oneself pls./shrugs.

and then.....on the way back,i had a flashback when along the 2nd link.i looked out at my old training ground,facing our neighbours,remembering how we took the v200 for a joyride down the hill and the thrill of sittin in the gunner hatch,with nothing protecting you but a lousy helmet,riding a 7 ton vehicle at 80?90kmh down a hill.rofl.and den aft,once we set up our AO,sittin down and talking cock around the messtin fire.and i remember one of the discussions.

btw,for all females,the stereotype is quite true,guys in ns do really talk about girls alot,but in this case,the question was asked.

"to wad extent would you go to do things to make your girls happy"

now tad kinda loaded question,is the kind you NEVER EVER hope to hear from your girl/wife,cuz you know no matter wad kinda answer you gif,you're screwed either way.

typical responses your partner'll shoot back.

"i'll do anithin"---no zhi qi.wad a pushover.no kick living with him"wad i feel is rite"---he still puts himself before me.how to love someone who doesnt put you first."i'll climb the mountains to bring ice for her coke if she's hot"---romantic...but not sensible.how to survive the singapore society.

lol.

you get the idea.

but niwae,as the discussion went on,i realise one thing.

for those of you who havent watched p.s i love you,imma spoil a lil bit for you by quoting a line.

"lemme tell you the secret to what women want""do tell""the secret.....is that women themselves dun know wad they want"

so in all honesty,there's a bunch of "politically correct" answers available.

emo kid : i'll love her,gif her all she mite want(even tho it changes like a baby's diaper),for her smile is all tad matters to me.

now that is pure bullshit cuz tad's asuming the emo kid doesnt have feelings.its juz tad he doesnt reckon it's even close to being important to him compared to the way his girl feels.

now thats pure bullshit cuz tads asuming your partner's as practical as you.2 practical pple in a rship is like a boardroom you know?decisions okay?everythin else all screwed up.can you imagine??

"dear lets have sex""okay.""9 oclock can?""hmm.is that too soon aft dinner?muz have 2 hour rest before vigorous exercise""hmm.10 oclock okay with you?""yup that should be fine.lemme jot it down in my diary""yup i'll put it in my scheduler also""wait is it safe?""i think so.*rustling in background as she counts days since last period* eh cant.abit risky.""you want pill or condom or tampon""lets analyse""pill 100%,condom 99%,tampon*80++%""lets take the highest odds""okay later go see doctor"

IT JUST DOESNT WORK.there has to be irrationality in a rship.its like 2 monks gettin married man.pratical as hell,but there sure as hell aint gonna be smiles man.all wise words wont do shit if you aint happy.tranquility aint all as hyped up as it is.and neither is contentment,we're bloody singporean.which singaporean can come to terms with emselves.sheeeeit.

the middle kid : i'll gif in to her sometimes,sumtimes not, but i'll still love her all the time.

now tad's absolute suicidal plot rite there man.i juz learnt yest that girls DO BITCH a hel lot about their partners.a small lil girl i was talkin to was like "eh cant,my blog's like pure bitching about my bf"i was like "WTF?!?!?! wad you complain about sial?girls got complain bout tis kinda shit one meh"yea go figure.path of indecision.i can hear it alr ."he blows hot and cold one,sometimes i dun even know he loves me not.its like he has love swings.and we thought mood swings and pms was bad enuf.his loves swings are like both combined"

5 letters : pwned.

doesnt seem to be the right answer ainit?lol.if someone can come up with a safe plan of action tad still shows your girl you love her,share the word man.its only decent to help the rest of the male population out.

lets leave my favourite titbit as a parting statement.

"how much can you gif,before you lose yourself and not know where you start, and you the bf begins"

now that shocked em flat on their asses.lookin at the amount of shit i talk in ns, a proper statement outta me was like looking at a mosque and seeing a swastika insteada of a crescent.