Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Why? We have so many hang-ups, so many issues, so many worries, so many fears, so many burdens…

We
have lost the art of enjoying life, of playing with small children, of
conversing with a friend, of holding hands with a loved one, of smelling
the flowers, of gazing at the stars, of singing in the shower, of
dancing in the rain, of sucking deeply the bone marrow of life!

Let me tell you why people have a hard time doing these…

The Bottomless Pit Of Worthlessness

Deep inside us is a bottomless pit of worthlessness. (In the Philippines, the only time we hear the word bottomless is
connected with Iced Tea. You can drink 16 glasses and the waiter will
still keep on pouring. It’s endless.) Deep down, we feel a nagging
sense of inadequacy. We feel there’s something lacking in us. We feel
that we’ve been measured and we’ve been found wanting.

You’ll
see this everywhere you look. People are walking around carrying this
bottomless pit of worthlessness inside them, and they’re looking for
ways to fill this pit. And many people try to solve their worthlessness
with three things: Work, Wealth, and Warmth.

Work:
To fill this bottomless pit of worthlessness, some people work
endlessly. They work in a frenzied pace. They work and forget their
families and health and spiritual life.

Warmth:
Others try to solve their worthlessness with warmth, getting people to
like them no matter what the cost, making them people-pleasers and
approval-addicts. They become co-dependents, trapped in enmeshed
relationships. They lose their identity and have no boundaries.

Please
know that Work, Wealth, and Warmth are wonderful things. They’re gifts
from God. But they can NEVER fill up your bottomless pit of
worthlessness.

John Had Everything And Yet…

I
read a true story about a student named John who never had a grade
lower than A in his entire 4-years in college. And John was about to
graduate summa cum laude. But before graduating, the unthinkable happened: John killed himself.

This shocked the entire college. How could he do that?

John
left a suicide note. In that note, he wrote, “I just couldn’t measure
up to the standards of this world, perhaps in the next world I can do
better.”

Why? This is the bottomless pit of worthlessness within him speaking.

What’s The Song You Hear In Your Head?

Believe
me, I’ve met a lot of people who are plagued by this pervasive feeling
of inadequacy. Inwardly, they hear the constant refrain, “There’s
something wrong with you…” like a permanent LSS. (If LSS to you means Life in the Spirit Seminar, then that means you’re my age. LSS means Last-Song-Syndrome.)

Subconsciously,
they feel they can never measure-up to these standards. They’ll never
be beautiful enough. They’ll never be rich enough. They’ll never be
successful enough. They’ll never be happy enough. They’ll never be
holy enough.

Some
of these people feel that no matter what they do, they’ll never be a
great husband, or a great wife, or a great father, or a great mother.

This
nagging feeling of inadequacy is the air that they breathe. It colors
the way they look at themselves, the way they look at life, the way they
look at the world.

I compare these people to a donkey…

1. Racing Donkey

Donkeys
are stubborn. To make a donkey walk, all you have to do is dangle a
juice, crunchy, red-orange carrot one foot away from its nose. The
donkey sees it, smells it, seeks it, and off it goes, chasing after the
carrot.

But
he never can catch it. The donkey moves forward but the carrot moves
forward too. Perplexed, he takes another step. But the carrot takes
another step too. As the donkey moves faster, the carrot moves faster
too.

That is a perfect picture of many people today.

I’ve
been doing ministry for 30+ years. I’ve talked to thousands of people
all over the world. Believe me, most people are like that donkey.
We’re looking for our “carrot”, something to fill our bottomless pit of
worthlessness.

But we can never chase it.

If Work, Wealth, and Warmth can never fill your bottomless pit of worthlessness, let me tell you the only thing that can.

But first, let me tell you about the second donkey…

2. Relaxed Donkey

This second donkey is a relaxed donkey.

Why? He has discovered that the carrot he was chasing was all the while with him. He was carrying it along!

Once he realized this, he relaxes.

So let me tell you now the only thing that can fill up your bottomless pit of worthlessness.

The only solution to worthlessness is Worth.

I can hear your reaction: “Bo, you’re nuts. Of course, worth is the solution to worthlessness. But how do you get that worth?”

That’s my point. You don’t get worth.

You already have it.

By the mere fact that you exist. By the fact that you’re alive. By the fact that you were created by God, you’re somebody! You’re
special. You’re a treasure. You’re precious. You’re His masterpiece.
You’re the crown of His creation. You’re His child. You’re His Prince
and Princess. You’re His the love of His life.

You’re like the donkey chasing after a carrot that you’ve been carrying all along.

I
repeat: You need some work to be happy. You need a level of wealth to
be happy. You need a degree of warmth and relationships to be happy.
But here’s my point: Even before you work, or get wealth, or get
warmth—you’re already a person of GREAT worth.

Here’s
the truth. There is no such thing as a bottomless pit of
worthlessness. It’s an illusion. What you think is a bottomless pit of
worthless is actually a bottomless pit of WORTH! Because you already
possess the intrinsic worth imputed by God to your soul.

Make This Discovery And You’ll Relax

This
is true happiness: When you discover that what you’ve been looking
for—searching in distant lands and faraway planets—was actually in your
heart all along!

I
repeat. The bottomless pit of worthlessness is fake. It’s not true.
Because you’re a human being, a child of God, created in His image, you
are a bottomless pit of great worth.

This is an incredible discovery. Unless you make this life-changing discovery, you’ll never enjoy true peace in your soul.
You’ll never have true rest, true contentment, true happiness in your
life. You’ll always be searching, seeking, looking, and longing for
something. You’ll always be trying to fill the emptiness of your heart
with stuff: New clothes. Jewelery. Popularity. Money. Achievements.
Fans.

Here’s the truth: Everything you want is already within you.

You
might say, “Bo, that’s not true. I don’t have what I want. What I
want right now is a new job,” or “a new house,” or “a new boyfriend” or
“a new sexy body.”

But why do you want what you want? Why do you want that new job, or new house, or new boyfriend, or new sexy body?

If you search deeply within your soul, you’ll realize you want that thing because you think that that thing will increase your worth.

But there’s only one thing that you increase your worth.

That one thing is love.

Bottom line, you want love. Love is your biggest, deepest, greatest need. And you have all the love you need. God is within you. And the Bible says that God is love. So let me repeat—everything that you want is already within you.

Because right now, you’re already loved.

Performance-Based Parenting

But where does this bottomless pit of worthlessness come from?

Simple Answer: From parents.

Obviously,
the answer is more complicated than that. There are many reasons. But
for many people (not all), this is where our feelings of inadequacy come
from.

How? Parents raise their kids by “Performance-Based Parenting.” What in the world is that?

Performance-Based
Parenting is when the core message to their kids is, “I will love you
only if you perform. I will be proud of you only if you perform. Your
value and worth are based on your performance. If you don’t perform, I
will think less of you. If you don’t perform, I will love you less.”

I’ve
met a lot of parents who are like this. They want their kids to solve
math problems by 2, play the piano by 3, write computer programs by 5,
and pass the medical school by 12. They force their kids to enroll in
painting class, swimming class, gymnastics class, Mandarin class, and
violin class all at the same time.

These parents go ballistic when their kids fail an exam. They go hyper when their kids have cat-soup on their shirt.

Another
sign that your parenting is Performance-Based? If the most common line
you say when you’re angry at your kids is, “You embarrass me! What
will others say if they see you fail? If you’re a bad child, they’ll say
I’m a bad parent!”

Parents Pass On TheirBottomless Pit Of Worthlessness

Fact: These parents want their kids to perform because they want
to perform as parents. Kids that are racing donkeys have parents who
are also racing donkeys. Kids have a bottomless pit of worthlessness
because their parents have one too. In fact, they merely inherited it
from them. (And guess where these parents got their bottomless pit of
worthlessness? From their parents too.)

Hey,
I’m not saying that parents shouldn’t encourage their kids to excel or
to reach their full potential or to work hard. We should!

But our core message to our kids should be, “I love you for being you. I’m happy you’re you.
Before you do anything good, you’re already a fantastic person. I’m
already proud of you. I encourage you to give your best NOT to win my
love for you. That’s a done deal. You already have my love. I want
you to give your best as a way of loving yourself and being who you
truly are.”

If you have a kid, let me give you a very important tip…

Say “I Love You” At Odd And Unexpected Times

I
love telling my kids “I love you” all the time. But I see to it that I
don’t say those words after they “perform”. (I say other words like
“That’s a nice drawing,” or “You sang so well,” or “You did great…”)
But I say “I love you” to them in the most odd and unexpected times.
Sometimes, when we’re in bed, about to sleep, I tell them, “Do you know
how much I love you?” Or when we’re taking our morning walk, I squeeze
his little hand and say, “I’m so proud that you’re my son.”

The
opposite of Performance-Based Parenting is Presence-Based Parenting.
My love for them isn’t connected to their Performance but to their
Presence. By the mere fact that they’re my kids, that they’re alive,
that they exist, that they’re created by God, they’re worthy of my love.

Let
me clarify. Parents should teach their kids to love hard work. But to
work hard not out of fear of worthlessness but out of love for one’s
intrinsic worth.

By the way, religious leaders are parents too. Sadly, some religious leaders use “Performance-Based Parenting” too…

Skewed Religiosity

Religion can worsen this feeling of inadequacy. Religion can worsen your bottomless pit of worthlessness.

I
know. I’ve been a religious leader for thirty plus years. And I have a
confession to make. In the first decade of leading my little group, Light of Jesus, I hada very skewed spirituality. I was uptight, rigid, legalistic, and judgmental.

I
never realized that my image of God was also uptight, rigid,
legalistic, and judgmental. (Truth: We relate to others according to
our image of God. Because we become the God that we worship.)

My
life revolved around trying to fulfill very high spiritual expectations
to gain God’s approval. Such as praying one hour a day, and reading the
Bible one hour a day, and going to Mass everyday, and praying the
Rosary everyday, etc… The list was endless.

Years
later, I realized I had a “Performance-Based” spirituality. To feel
worthy of God’s love, I had to do no sin, think only pure thoughts, be a
good boy, and do my religious obligations….

If I failed any of these stringent requirements I set for myself, I felt God was shaking His head in disgust at me.

Learning To Relax In God’s Love

But
for years, the real God was gently knocking into my heart. And He kept
telling me, “No need to perform. Just relax in my love.” The radical
idea was so foreign to me, I wondered if this was God at all. How dare
He tell me to relax? How dare He say I was worthy of love even before I do anything good?

Slowly, I began to realize that God wasn’t uptight. Or rigid. Or legalistic. Or judgmental.

After three decades, I’m still learning how to relax in His love.

I’m still learning to follow God when He said, Be still, and know that I am God. (Psalms 46:10)

Here’s
my unauthorized translation of this verse: God is saying, “Relax in my
love you. You don’t need to impress me with your performance. I love
you as you are. I believe in you. You’re a wonderful person.”

Sunday, May 6, 2012

In
his message for the Regina Coeli, Pope Benedict XVI spoke about the
Gospel for today, the Fifth Sunday of Easter. He recalled the words of
Christ, who said, “I am the true vine, and My Father is the
vine-grower.”

“On the day of our Baptism,” the Pope said, “The
Church grafts us as branches into the Paschal Mystery of Christ, into
His own Person.” He called upon the faithful to bear in mind that “every
one of us is like a vine, which lives only if it is growing every day
in prayer, participation in the Sacraments, in charity, in its union
with the Lord. And he who loves Jesus, the true vine, produces fruits of
faith for an abundant spiritual harvest. Let us beseech the Mother of
God that we might remain firmly grafted in Jesus and that all our
actions may have their beginning, and their fulfillment, in Him.”

After
the Regina Coeli prayer, the Holy Father greeted pilgrims and visitors
from around the world. He reminded the faithful of the VII World Meeting
of Families, taking place at the beginning of next month. The Meeting
is being sponsored by the Pontifical Council of the Family, headed by
Cardinal Ennio Antonelli. The Holy Father thanked the Ambrosian Diocese
and other dioceses in Lombardy who are cooperating in the preparation of
this ecclesial event, and noted that, “I, too, God willing, will have
the joy of participating” in the Meeting.

Pope Benedict then
greeted pilgrims from around the world. In his remarks to the
English-speaking pilgrims and visitors, the Holy Father said:“I extend warm greetings to the English-speaking visitors present for today’s Regina Coeli,
and especially to the large group of pilgrims from Indonesia. In
today’s Gospel Jesus speaks of himself as the true vine and He calls us
to be fruit-bearing branches. I pray that God’s children all over the
world will grow in unity and love, sustained and nourished by the divine
life that he has planted deep within us. May God bless all of you!”

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Little by little the soundsdied down in the church.The people went away,And I came home,Alone.

I passed people who werereturning from a walk.I went by the cinemathat was disgorging its crowd.I skirted café terraces where tired strollerswere trying to prolong the pleasure of a Sunday holiday.I bumped into youngstersplaying on the footpath,Youngsters, Lord,Other people’s youngsterswho will never be my own.

Lord, I’m 35 years old,A body made like others,ready for work,A heart meant for love,But I’ve given you all.It’s true of course, that you needed it.I’ve given you all, but it is hard, Lord.It’s hard to give one’s body;it would like to give itself to others.It’s hard to love everyone and to claim no one.It’s hard to shake a handand not want to keep it.It’s hard to inspire affection,only to give it to you.It’s hard to be nothing to oneselfin order to be everything to others.It’s hard to be like others, among others,and be an other to them.It’s hard always to givewithout trying to receive.It’s hard to seek out othersand to be oneself unsought.It’s hard to be told secrets,and never be able to share them.It’s hard to carry othersand never, even for a moment, be carried.It’s hard to sustain the feebleand never be able to lean on onewho is strong.

It’s hard to be alone,Alone before everyone,Alone before the world,Alone before suffering,death,sin.

Son, you are not alone,I am with you.I am you.For I needed another human vehicleto continue my Incarnationand my Redemption.Out of all eternity, I chose you.I need you.

I need your hands to continue to bless,I need your lips to continue to speak,I need your body to continue to suffer,I need your heart to continue to love,I need you to continue to save,Stay with me.

Here I am Lord,Here is my body,my heart,my soul,Grant that I may bebig enough to reach the world,Strong enough to carry it.Pure enough to embrace itwithout wanting to keep it.

Grant that I may be a meeting-place,but a temporary one,A road that does not end in itself,because everything to be gathered there,everything human, must be led to you.

Lord, tonight, while all is stilland I feel sharply the sting of solitude,While people devour my souland I feel incapable of satisfying their hunger,While the world presses on my shoulderswith all its weightof misery and sin,I repeat to you my “yes”—not in a burst of laughter, but slowly,clearly, humbly.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

The strange phenomenon among frustrated Christians is basically that God doesn’t care at times of crisis. He neither offers solutions nor a way out of it. An apt opinion would be, ‘God is angry with me or because of my sins, I undergo or face these problems in life.’

Many have shared about their crisis in life, and one among them is ‘Faith Crisis’. Their dwindling faith and declining beliefs in God and in oneself makes the bridge of faith slowly breaking into a blur standpoint in one’s spiritual ladder. What is stagnant? Why does it happen? All these queries can be answered through tremendous soul-searching and asking questions like, do we only care about worldly things? For it offers more glamorous things, a feast to our eyes, an entry into the world of gadgets and technologies.

But Scripture is totally different, it doesn’t give sensational issues or glamorous caricatures enticing to induce passion or pleasure, but it offers what you need, a window to a new way of life, which you long for, a message to your life, an atmosphere conducive to live in, a book packed with all sorts of instructions, solutions and guidelines. Remember! “Faith and pleasure never go together.”

Gone are the days of rituals, traditions and offerings. But today, it makes no sense to the people of the postmodern trend. Saints are not seen, disciples have no address, and martyrs blood spreads only a momentary inspiration. Beliefs are ceasing, trends are in swift change, and churches are half empty, postmodern world urges to step out of the frames to light your own spirituality.

Amidst all these chaos, can you go deep down into yourself to ask, is my prayer life consistent? Is there a daily record of my appointments with God? Am I constantly in touch with scriptures? Many are at vigorous search for peace and happiness without any initiatives in forming oneself. The problem is not somewhere else; it is in us, unwilling to go deep down into oneself to find out the problems.

The point is this; blur beliefs and wavering faith are mostly due to lack of prayer, infrequent reading of Holy Scripture, rare visit to Blessed Sacraments etc resulting in dryness, a certain amount of depression, weariness finally leading to spiritual crisis. A person can’t be a Christian without faith. And formation of faith is an internal activity in align with the cooperation of the Holy Spirit. Formation and reformation of faith involves meticulous testing and scrutiny during its perfection.

While one is led to temptations, dark nights, idleness, drowsiness etc. these are a normal hurdles. When it comes to faith, dark nights are a necessary evil for the aspiring soldier of God. Have you indomitable spirit to discover faith? Well! It is amidst patience, perseverance in problems and impediments. And those who give up are consciously in “spiritual slumber” opting to be in the clutches of darkness.

We have icons from bible like JOB and ELIJAH who displayed faith in their lives in accordance with the Lord. When Job’s possessions including his sons and daughters were taken he said, “I came from my mother’s womb and naked I shall return there; the Lord gave and the Lord has taken away, Blessed be the name of the Lord” (Job 1:21). In all these Job did not sin nor shun God and commit wrong doings but pursued his faith in the Lord. Even when his wife rose up against him to despise God and die, he said, “you speak as any foolish women would speak, shall we receive the good at the hand of God and not receive the bad? In all these Job did not sin with his lips” (Job 1:9-10). He withstood all this believing in the providence of God, which God returned to him in hundred folds.

We also read about Prophet Elijah, (1Kg 18:20-40) a faith filled man who challenged the prophets of Baal. Take a moment to reflect, suppose, God had not sent the fire prophet Elijah would have been brutally murdered unto death. But Elijah was not scared he was sure about the helping hand of God, because, he had no doubts, no wavering faith and no double thoughts but, a complete trust and faith in God that his God won’t deceive him.

Faith is a personal issue which grows gradually in making you a full-fledged Christian. Faith is the only strength that can compensate to realize the power of God, to know Him and to experience Him. It is a gift from God, not all possess but can gradually attain. It is a strength to the weak, hope to the hopeless, boost up to the broken hearted and an enemy to the fear.

Fear and ignorance takes you where you do not want to go, but faith takes you where you want to go. It is a thriving force for the world of knowledge and spirituality. It expands your mental horizons for radical changes and makes you a dynamic person. Faith is a simple gift from God loaded with profound visions and missions.

St. Augustine says, “Faith is to believe what we do not see and the reward of this faith is to see what we believe.” Hence, one should first believe in oneself to tackle the entire crisis in one’s own life. To hold belief in oneself, one should discard evil elements like guilt feelings, low self-esteem, pessimistic attitude, doubts etc to pave way for stronger self-conviction in oneself and in Christ. “Faith is another form of treasure, one who has found, has found God.”

God never lets us go down unless we do to ourselves. So, let’s submit all our bundle of burdens and problems, for God can bring a radical change in our lives. God can do much with our lives than us. Hence let us accept that our faith is weak and believe that nothing is impossible to God and continue to pray unceasingly at all circumstances, for He will surely build our faith and answer to all the problems and questions for He can not deceive Himself.

What a remarkably LOVE for He CHOOSE you and me

above all, above HIS LOVE for Jesus.

Let us open our heart for HIM.

Because HE LOVE you and me more than a mother love her child.

A Poem: An Angel Left Her Wings

I have this little angel. For me she left her wings.
She has no idea how much happiness she truly brings.
She brightens up my days with her smiles and her laughs.
She helps me to remember all the blessings that I have.

Her face, it is so perfect, she's sweet and soft and pure.
Sometimes she can be willful and sometimes she is demure.
She tries her very hardest to please and do what's right.
She gives the greatest hugs from morning until night.

Every person that has known her sees this light within her soul
I know that in this whole great world, she has a special role.
She's helpful and considerate to everyone she knows
This light in her shines brighter as my angel grows.

When she sees someone is sad, it opens up her heart.
She wants to do all that she can; she wants to do her part.
She'll squeeze away the sorrow and make me forget about my pain.
She shows me where the sun is when we're hiding from the rain.

I know that God must love me, He showed me with His Grace
I knew just how completely when I saw my angel's face.
And in that very moment when she came into my world,
I knew that she was so much more than just my baby girl.

She would be my sunshine, with a sweetness that won't end.
And when she grows up one day she would be my closest friend.
She would be the reason I would always try my best.
For my little angel baby girl would be my greatest test.

When God entrusts to you an angel, who has left her wings for you.
Encircle her with love with everything you do.
Let her know God made her, and that He trusts you with her care.
Be sure to make time for special moments with her to share.

And when at night she finally says her prayers and goes to sleep
I Thank Him for my angel, and ask for him to always keep
A watchful eye and hand to protect her from this world.
Protect my little angel; protect my baby girl.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Her name is Sister Materna. Means: mother.
And no doubt she is a very good mother and grandmother (for me)
She was small, looks fragile (but tough-old-lady), always smile and warmth

On the day i met her, she said:
my dear Sister. Being a nun means becoming an open heart person and respect others, always.
by doing so, you can fully accept and love others.
we live in rough water of life, so we always need each other.
Please be kind and give more.
so our the Kingdom of our LORD be here, at this momment.
Pray sister... pray... we need pray more.

i was and am touch by her words.
Me with my big ego.
Starting that day, i have been trying to respect others
by listening first, helping and doing what i want them to do first
and most important is: praying...