The dating mantra for people who give zero f*cks

Since long before Jerry McGuire uttered “you complete me”, we’ve been obsessed with the idea that there’s one person on earth who is capable of giving us everything we need.

Our Soulmate.

And it’s not simply that our Soulmate exists. That person needs to live in our city, speak our language and be tall dark and handsome. Obviously, the odds are not good.

You might be thinking “not me, that’s crazy”; but it is you! Whether we like it or not, it’s the tale we’ve been told. It’s imprinted into our childhood stories, TV shows and movies.

We have this assumption that we’ll meet the perfect partner. That flawless human will fall head over heels for us. Then they’ll love us despite our many imperfections.

What could possibly go wrong with that? …right??

It’s this double standard that causes so many relationships to spiral into a series of failed expectations, insecurity and eventual resentment.

So often I hear couples say they’re disappointed when their partner doesn’t live up to their high standards of communication or in the bedroom, but they’re also hurt when their partner questions their own flawed actions or intentions.

To be clear, “you complete me” is not cute – it’s clingy and pathetic.

I’ve replaced the idea of a Soulmate with this mantra.

It has given me the power to give zero fucks.

Whenever I start to get sucked into the expectation spiral, I repeat this to myself. I say it outloud. My friends and clients have started using it and it has a powerful effect on so many relationships.

It keeps people from giving away their power in a relationship too quickly, and also keeps their own ego in check.

It’s a phrase you can use in those moments of indecision. When you’re questioning whether to go on a second date, break up with someone or propose this mantra acts as a guidepost when the options become overwhelming.

I am a whole looking for another whole.

You are not looking for your better half. No person could ever “complete” you because you’re already whole. You’ll fit a partner into your life, but you don’t need to change a thing.

This is the mantra that has kept me out of bad relationships and guided me towards unexpected, but amazing men.

Wrapped up in this phrase are many of the ideals we hold true when we have clarity of mind, but forget when we’re caught in an awkward dating moment, or during a stressful relationship talk.