Online Dating 101: What To Say In Your First Message

Trying to start a conversation with someone is quite tricky if you don’t have the casual smoothness of a wordsmith, especially when the point of the conversation is a romantic endeavor.

The first message is perhaps the most important one, apart from the one when you ask someone out (to meet in the real world). The person of your interest will respond positively or negatively depending on your first words, and naturally, you realize the importance of them.

Before writing your next “first message,” check out these nifty tips on what to – but also not to – say in it.

Use Actual Words

For starters, write actual words and don’t submit to sending only emojis, winks, likes, etc. We have words for a reason, and you should definitely take advantage of that communicating cultural phenomenon.

Sure, most online dating sites and apps have these options which are “sold” as easy and fun, however, you will just come off as lazy. If you’re going to send an emoji, make sure you also write something clever and interesting along with it.

Intrigue thy crush!

Keep It Clean

Brief, clean, and casual – this is what your first message should be in a nutshell. This isn’t a romance novel, nor is it a cover letter, so don’t write huge messages and don’t be too formal.

Aim to keep the same tone you’d have if meeting that person on a night out. Be polite, friendly, and preferably funny. Don’t smother anyone with words.

You’re Not The Centre Of The Universe

…so don’t make it about you. No one wants to read your autobiography, especially not in the first message. If they want to know something they’ll either examine your profile or they’ll ask you directly.

So don’t be boring and go on and on about yourself.

Compliments On Someone’s Looks

Never start a conversation by saying that someone is good-looking. Although you might think that this is flattering and nice, the person reading the message will probably think you’re shallow and petty.

Also, this is not a good way to stand out because the chances are that the person of your interest (if truly good-looking) receives tons of messages of that type on a daily basis.

Prove Your Interest

The chances are that you’re writing to a couple of people from the get go, and the person of your interest naturally assumes so. Therefore you need to prove that you’re truly interested in him or her, and that you’ve taken some time in trying to figure them and their profile out.

Also, you need to personalize your messages as much as possible (without seeming like a stalker). The point of all of this is to show that you’ve taken a real interest and that you’re not just sending random messages to everyone in your area. Mention something specific in the person’s profile, and possibly elaborate on what caught your attention.

Something That Asks For A Response

When you’ve composed the “perfect first message,” ask yourself whether you would reply to it. The surest way of getting a response is to ask a question or to set-up a joke that someone can take to a new level.