After all this time together, his raging, evil, twisted, latent monster surfaced and left me in total shock! Talking about it to anyone will only make my nightmare worse if he finds out, so I am venting here, anonymously. I have to have somewhere to let it out. I now know he is a narcissist, but what else? bipolar? schizoid? psychotic? schizophrenic? some other mental disorder? I hope someone can help me answer this and find a way to get me out of here!.

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

document, document, DOCUMENT!

Besides needing to vent and have a place to talk, say what I need to say (I am supposed to listen quietly to all of T L Ogre's venom without saying a word back or it gets even rougher), and just get it all out, I am finding more and more the need to DOCUMENT all that is going on.

He tells me what I am thinking (not correct at all), he makes up all kinds of untrue stories, manipulates and sets me up for failure to make me look like I did something horribly bad, stretches and twists things until his stories are so far from what actually happened that it isn't even close to the truth, then sneers and says, "You can't prove it!" Document ... I desperately need to document all that is going on so the truth is written somewhere.

There is just so much going on so fast, that I can't even begin to get it all written down, not even if my hand wasn't injured. He is escalating faster and trying to take me down even harder and faster. He knows that I don't want to be here anymore, and he is setting things up so that I will be the one that looks bad when I leave. I know the truth, though, and that is what matters to me.

For my own protection, though, and the protection of my animals, I do need to document as much as I possibly can. The dogs, for example, aren't doing the things he says they are. He provokes them, and, they are getting really upset at seeing the way he is treating me. His verbal, raging attack on me tonight had several of the dogs pacing and hunkering. He says they are mad at him for no reason (sounds like a little kid). The truth is, they saw him hit me with that big tree branch and every time he rages at me, they are afraid he is going to do it again. They were raised to protect me, and that is what they are doing. He hates that and is trying to get such a rise out of them that he can 'eliminate' them. I won't lose my babies because he is abusing them and me!

To those of you that have even the slightest thought that you might be in a domestic abuse situation, I strongly suggest that you document all that you can, but make sure it is hidden where your abuser cannot find it. You may some day need the documentation.

I guess I am just kind of rambling tonight. It has been a very rough one and I am feeling very alone. Thanks for listening. Thanks for stopping in.