It's been a while since I've been on virtual teen. I thought my life was going good and everything was getting better, but depression and anxiety pulled me back into my rut. Life was going good, I was happy... I was going to work and school and managing to have a good social life, but for some reason it all went wrong. Depression once again took control, I started calling off days of work, I stopped hanging out with friends, I got behind in my studies... all I want to do is be in bed in the dark alone. I hate myself because I have no reason to be sad I have a good family, I have good friends (i think), my life is looking good but for some reason I always feel like I'm doing bad or I'm a disappointment and i'll grow up and be alone and have nothing.

Recently I've started drinking, when I drink I either be really happy or I get so sad and depressed that my friends stay up until I sleep because they are scared I'm going to kill myself. I know I shouldn't be drinking but i've been getting drunk every other night for months, most of the times alone.

I'm going to be honest, I'm really getting sick of being sad. I've been sad ever since I hit high school and it's only gotten worse. I cry most days and I've never really though about suicide until recently. The sadness has taken such a toll on me. so many missed opportunities, so many days I just stay in bed, so many nights I feel alone, so many days I miss school or work, so many times I stay up to 5 am because I can't sleep worrying about everything, so many friends that have left me when I thought they cared. I'm really just done with everything.

I don't expect a response, I just post to vent and to wish that it made everything better.

Hey Ky,
"It gets better" is easy to say (though it is true that it usually does if you try to have a positive outlook), but it's harder to believe it and get to that point.

You should try to find hobbies that you like, new friends or groups to hang out with. Maybe try to relax and try to have fun and take it easy. I don't know the nature of your problems or concerns so I can't speak to any of that specifically.

My past has been filled with a lot of bad things that happened and I can definitely speak to feeling hopeless and helpless and many other things. And though I am far from being over what has happened in the past, I can still say I'm better off now than I was even a few years ago. If you want to talk feel free to message me.

But you should talk to someone you trust. Over the years I found that's something that helps me a bit.

I’m so sorry. I am in no position to give you advice, as I am dealing with depression myself, as well as that I have none of my own to lend you, but if there was one thing I could say, it would be that you should never, under any circumstances, feel ashamed or embarrassed about your depression. Depression is often like an illness that you contract against your own will, and obviously, people who suffer from illnesses, such as cancer or Lyme disease, shouldn’t feel ashamed about that which is inherently out of their control. I know it may seem sort of far-fetched, and I feel the same way too sometimes, but depression is just like any other contracted illness, in the sense that it is procured not of your own accord. Anyways, I wish you luck and I do believe you will feel better, as things typically just work out like that.