Tonight I made the cranberry sauce and cooked the yams. I also ironed the table linens, which I think is where I will call it a day. I suspect tomorrow will be crazy (and all about pies). Already I was yelling today. Oops.

I know some of it is feeling stressed. It feels like every time I turn around I see something else that needs to be done. I think the other part is that for whatever reason I feel like I am being tested or judged, even though I don’t really believe it. Still, I question if I am a good enough housekeeper? cook? wife? friend? human?

Yesterday I was feeling the holiday blues. This time of year is a reminder that I don’t have a traditional family. I don’t think it helped that I finished Familiar, and part of it is about parents who decide to cut off contact with their two sons. In the book, the parents do have some valid reasons for doing so, but it is still a painful reminder. I know I didn’t do anything, and part of me does believe that this is for the best, but it still hurts. And it leaves me shaking my head.

According to my Oh Life journal, last year B confessed that part of the reason he married me was to obtain my paternal grandmother’s stuffing recipe (which I still haven’t written down). It was sweet. The funny thing is that my grandmother didn’t really like the dish herself. She made it because everyone else loved it (and I suspect my father was its biggest fan). I wonder if he thinks about such things.