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Sunday, March 29, 2009

In the year 1996 (or thereabouts - it was in the late 90s) I attended a annishinaube "Gathering of Elders" pow wow at Cape Croker on the Bruce Peninsula in Ontario Canada. Long story how I ended up there (going back to an experience I had at the age of 10), but at the time it had to do with my interest in learning the language (which ultimately did not pan out). I had contacted Basil Johnston about an ojibwe language tape series he had created. In the course of our email correspondence, he mentioned the gathering, so my partner and I decided to attend. He suggested that we meet him thereafter to pick up the tapes.

The event itself was amazing. Several folks from other indian nations had come (annishinaube, 6 nations, and some far west), many elders, including one objibwe man I will never forget. He was completely blind, very old, and when it came time time for him to speak, he was led into the tent, very slowly, sat down, and, almost like a recording, starting telling the thousands-year old history of his people. I was entranced.
Later, an all night pow wow ensued. As the night went on, storm clouds came, the drumming and singing continued. At some point my partner and I retired to our tent, which was pitched not far from the edge of a bluff overlooking the georgian bay. We were attempting to sleep but the pow wow drum insisted otherwise. At around 2 or 3 am, the storm really broke loose, hard pelting rain with constant thunder and lightening over the bay (which our tent flap faced, looking east). The drumming seemed finally to stop, the players apparently giving into the storm. We were lying facing toward the tent flap (open except for the net cover; the wind and rain direction was coming from the west, so this along with a canopy over our door allowed us to enjoy the intense ozone and thundering of the rain, while watching the lightening over the bay. Suddenly something ran past our tent door in the area between our tent and the edge of the bluff. It was quite close, about 3 - 4 feet away. We saw it very briefly in a flash of lightening: a silhouette of a very small "man", about 18 inches tall. His head was very large in proportion to his body, his arms rather short (they were out in front as he ran). I was so shocked I was speechless for a moment. I noticed my partner had tensed up. We were kinda frozen for a some seconds. I remember my mind racing, trying to think of a rational explanation - could it be a squirrel, some other creature? Nothing came to mind that would explain what I had seen. I don't remember who spoke first, but one of us said "did you see that?" or "what was that?". We both started rattling off excitedly trying to understand what we had each seen, describing what few details we saw, trying to think of some animal that it could possibly be. We both had seen only the silhouette, no details as to clothing, facial or other features; just that it was running on two human-like legs, had a human like body (except for the head being overly large). We did not get out of the tent to examine the area - the rain was coming down very hard, the ground all about running with streams of water, so between the weather and our spooked feelings, we stayed put, eventually falling asleep.

The next morning, we went to meet Basil (who had a cabin on the reserve) to pick up the ojibwe language tapes. Since the encounter of the night before was so fresh in our minds, we asked him if he had ever heard of such a thing. He smiled and told us about the "pukwudjes" (not sure I have the spelling right, but roughly translated, it meant "little people" or "little wild men"). He said that though it was unusual to see one (I'm thinking maybe he meant especially a white girl like me), he was not surprised given the event of the night before. He said that they were known to be attracted by drumming; they would come out and hang about at the periphery of the woods listening and watching.

Thats it for the encounter at Cape Croker, but for another aspect to this event. Years before, around 1988, I had been involved with a yoga / meditation group, when during a particularly deep meditation one evening, I sensed an entity standing behind me. It placed its hand on my shoulders. This was immediately followed by a tremendous rush of energy down my spine, and my body being thrown from a seated position onto my back on the floor, shaking uncontrollably. Something had taken over my body and I could do nothing to make it stop. Others in my yoga group gathered around me, not knowing what to do. It probably appeared to them I was having some kind of seizure (I discovered in subsequent research that I had undergone an accidental kundalini awakening; at the the time I had never heard of this). I was both a little panicked that I could not make it stop, yet oddly calm and detached as I observed what was happening. A freezing/burning feeling had begun to move up my legs and arms toward my chest. It was the most intense feeling of rushing energy. As this got closer to my heart, I started seeing a vision of my (then) body in a distant past. I was lying in a shallow grave, my legs covered in animal skins. Snow was rapidly covering me. I was dead, but I was also standing (or floating?) alongside my (former) body, looking down at it. At this moment someone grabbed me up off the floor in a bear hug which instantly stopped the flow of energy like a light switch.

That night I had several highly realistic dreams. It was as if the lid had been blown off some energetic / consciousness connection, allowing me to see other times / other places. That night they mostly centered around a place in a very distant past. I was in a heavily forrested area, playing "peekaboo" with an odd little two-legged creature. This creature was not exactly human but intelligent. It reminded me of the Pan deity of greek mythology. I could vaguely make out details of fur on the legs, but bare human-like chest and arms. The face seemed covered in hair but facial features were difficult to see. I repeatedly awoke, convinced that I was actually physically present in the forest watching this little creature. I have no idea what that was about but after I saw the little man at Cape Croker, it later occurred to me that it was somewhat like the little creature I saw in my vision years before, mostly in terms of size and proportion of head to body.

Regarding the cigarette lady, some of the comment questions beg greater detail than I am probably capable of producing after so long a passage of time, but I will attempt to answer what I can.

I earlier addressed the ambivalence of gender, so I will skip that question here. However, I will continue to refer to the entity as a female, for sake of convenience.

As to my present question about whether this entity is a "gray" or a "hybrid", I can only guess. I have never seen what is described as a classic gray alien. Perhaps "hybrid" is most fitting simply because there seems to be some variety of attributes associated with this general category; i.e. that do not fit perfectly with the classic gray alien type (size of head being foremost).

Some details that I do recall with some clarity:

First, her skin: it was very pale, white with an almost bluish-gray tint to it, and of an unusually smooth texture. I have never seen anything like it before or since. I had previously seen an albino person; it was nothing like that; i.e., her skin was not UN-pigmented though there was an almost translucent quality to it.

Second, her facial features: Though I could not see her eyes due to the large Jackie-O style sunglasses she wore, other aspects were evident: an unusually long pointy chin. Exaggerated cheekbones out of proportion to the rest of the face. Practically no lips, only enough to discern that there was any mouth. A nose that was almost not there: there was very little structure to it, a small bridge area, and some structure around the nostrils, but not much.

Finally, her neck: though her coat collar was turned up, I could see some of the neck which was oddly thin.

The wig (obviously such: a long thick dishwater blonde mane made of cheap imitation hair easily obtainable at a k-mart in those days) seemed placed to hide other features of the head, so I cannot comment on these (ears, shape of head).

It puzzles me why I cannot recall her hand. Perhaps because it was what most startled me at first. The only thing I can relate to this lack of recall to is a nasty car accident I had years later: afterwards I completely blanked out the memory of the worst part of the accident (the part when it was occurring). I asked my doctor about this and was told that it was not uncommon for the human brain to "forget" traumatic or difficult events. I can only surmise the initial part of the encounter with the cigarette lady falls into this category.

There were no other people in the store. I was alone. It was afternoon. The year of this encounter was 1974, possibly 1975 (I worked both summers between high school and college, and between my 1st and 2nd years of college); but most likely 1974. The location was an area south of St. Louis, Missouri. I felt no lingering psychological effect from this encounter that I am aware of, other than extreme puzzlement (and the blocked memory of her hand). As to whether this changed me, I don't know. I think however, that other encounters did affect me, or perhaps some other events in my life (which I will relate later) provided a basis for encounters. But it is hard to say what propagated what - a chicken or egg question I guess.

I will relate the accounts of the the small entity (locally known as "pukwujes") that I and my partner saw at Cape Croker, and the blue ghost entity, in a later posting. There is some background associated with these encounters relative to my state of consciousness at the time, that likely contribute to my being able to perceive these beings. This will take a little longer than I have time for at present.

Friday, March 27, 2009

A few have asked why (and when) I started this blog. This blog was begun in 2004-2005, but for a very different purpose.

My step-son Mike had been deployed to Iraq as part of the 101st airborne (716th bn) in April 2003. In October of that year during an armed transport of Lt. Col. Kim Orlando, he and his detail were caught in an ambush in Karbala. (I am shaking as I type this). This was one of the first major "insurgent" incidents of the war, when things started to unravel in a hurry. Orlando and 2 other soldiers were killed; at this point, Orlando became the highest ranking officer KIA in the war. Mike was driving him; 2 other humvees were in the group. When they drove through an alley they became trapped in an ambush - both ends of the alley blocked, several others on rooftops, about 80 shiites in all against about 15 US soldiers. No firing had started, so Orlando got out to try to calm the situation, along with Mike's buddy Sean Grilley. Kim was shot in the neck. Sean was shot - he was right outside the humvee door where Mike was sitting at the wheel. Mike got out to try to help him, nearly getting shot himself. Sean died in his arms. Another soldier, Joe Bellavia, was killed (I think he was already in the vehicle but I don't remember this part). 7 others were wounded. Teresa Broadwell manned the turret (the soldier assigned to that task was too scared out of his wits so she had to take over) on the other humvee and though she could not see out the turret window (she is under 5 feet tall), she was able to calculate where to fire by following tracers - she kept enough firepower going to provide cover, as Mike got out and got Sean's body in the vehicle, and with help, Orlando (who was not yet dead). He attempted to drive out of the alley. One tire had been knocked out; only 3 good ones left and the vehicle was rapidly filling with blood. Somehow he was able to maneuver the vehicle out of there. All 3 humvees took the wounded to the nearest army coalition hospital. Orlando died before they could get him there. But though he saved lives there was trauma from this and other events there. He was decorated by Petraeus (cmdr of the 101st at the time) for his action in the Karbala incident. Here's the story if you want to read more (MIke -- Michael Totten -- shared his story at the Winter Soldier hearings; his testimony is about halfway down the page): http://www.democracynow.org/2008/3/19/half_a_decade_of_war_five.

After the Karbala incident, everything changed. My husband and I became much more politically active. This blog was used to write about some of what we were going through, though I did not keep it as up to date as I would have wished. I often found it emotionally difficult to confront my real anxieties at the time, both for Mike and my husband, who was having a far tougher time though this period. After Mike came home, I deleted all the content on these pages (sorry now that I did). They have been idle until early this year, when I began to post again.

About 1- 2 years ago, as things settled down in our personal lives (Mike was home back in college and our other kids were either at college or leading their own adult lives), I found I had the time and space to revisit old personal history, events and experiences that I had wondered about for years, but had put on the back burner in order to carry out my ordinary daily life. I began my exploration by joining Dreamland (www.unknowncountry.com) last year, participating in the chat sessions on that site. I met some wonderful people there with whom I shared stories of my past experiences, including the ones posted here. It felt "safe" as it was a temporary means of discussion without posting to a public board (which until recently I was hesitant to do). I also attended the Dreamland Festival event last year. I joined the Paracast board last year, but did not post much until recently. Mike Clelland's recent posts there frankly gave me the courage to come forward more publicly (thanks Mike!), though I still have this weird feeling of wanting to run an hide every time I talk about this. Yet I feel a strong compulsion that its time to do this. I feel I must get my stories out whether written or visual. This is largely a selfish act, something I need to do for me.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

A snippet of a story I recounted in a recent chat: ...later encounters included a small elf-like creature (he was about 18 inches tall, funny shaped body and head) up at Cape Croker where I was attending an anishnaabe (ojibwe) "gathering of elders" event in 1996. After I saw this little guy, I asked an acquaintance (a local author who had connected me to attend the event) about it. He told me that there are several stories among the annishnabek about these small people, confirming what I saw. Another time while solo camping in new mexico I was sitting in my tent, getting ready to go to bed, when a blue entity came up through the floor of my tent (out of the ground below). It was shaped like a gray alien, but was semi-transparent and sorta smoky. Another time when I was 17 I was working in a small convenience store, when a "woman" came in to buy cigarettes. At first I didn't pay any attention to her until I saw her hand (when she handed me the money) - it was not like a normal human hand. This startled me so I looked up and saw a very pale entity, wearing a thin black coat (like a rain coat) with collar turned up to cover her neck, a heavy long haired wig, and very large black glasses. This did not entirely hide her strange face: a very pointed chin, scant lip and nose. She did not speak. Took her cigarettes and left! I was kinda stunned. Oddly I cannot remember the details of her hand (though it was the first thing I noticed). Nor do I think she left in a car which was odd since most patrons drove up the store (it was somewhat isolated).

Thinking of an old old song: I know dark clouds will gather ‘round me
I know my way is rough and steep But golden fields lie out before me
Where God’s redeemed shall ever sleepI’m going there to see my mother
She said she’d meet me when I come
I’m only going over Jordan
I’m only going over home
[Sketching patterns and symbols buried in ornament...]

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Felt very ill today, came home from work prepared to head to bed for some much needed rest. But felt an urge to sit down and sketch, so I did. The first image was a bit silly, bits of greenery, buds, signs of life. This was followed by what I can only describe as a view into something connective, like a web, with many "nodes" that each act as a sort of gateway. Last, two more snake-rope images, one wrapping a planet, the other in a desert landscape. I don't have an explanation for these, just draw em as I see em.

More imagery building on the snake ropes. I see these often, the ropes are many; powerful conduits of energy. Partway through the sketch on the left it hit me: these were the same ropes which I frequently saw in vision, only I am seeing them now more solidified, almost as if I am seeing the underlying structure here. In vision they are more light-infused. As I sit (meditate) I "see" / sense them above me; I make a slight shift of my head and one becomes "locked" into my crown. I am then looking directly up the inside of it as a shower of light / energy comes pouring down it into me, down through my own spine. I am filled with light as this happens, synchronized with the source of whatever these rope-snakes are plugged into. I know this sounds completely bizarre but there it is. The circle glyphs have something to do with this, another aspect, I'm not sure.

The picture on the right is not quite correct - the inside of the rope is filled with light - I lacked the proper prisma / paper to convey this. Best with paint, some day.

Playing with some old imagery: snake or spine-like rope images. These have been plaguing me for some time now. Recovered some old sketches and scanned them. Will commit to paint soon. Also, a strong image of wheels or planets kept coming into focus last night; I sketched these, converted some to vector and painted today. A very odd mixture of the two - planets and snake/spine/ropes. I don't know what it means but had to get it on paper.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Up late again. Daylight savings time has messed with me more than usual this year. Lots to think about. Trying to get a new design out. Taking lots more time than I think people realized in initial planning. May have to trade off some things to get it done. All while wanting to make sure the quality is there.

I have been missing the studio lately. Thinking of when I might be able to travel and spend a week or two there. A long drive now. In the interim, perhaps I will take a small trip, do a workshop or something, get out of my environment, a chance to stretch out and expand my consciousness. Casey (my dog) is under the table sighing deeply in response to something in a dream. Wish I could remember my dreams again.

Someone in a chat room talked about seeing a shape-shifting car today. A strange physical dilation of the back-end of a car as it was leaving a Walmart parking lot (hmm...). Said it looked like a part of it was briefly getting sucked into a tiny black-hole located in the vicinity of the trunk or rear of the car, then "popped back out", followed by a sort of shimmy and it was over. Then someone else talked about bees, total change of topic, about how bees react to smoke - they start gorging on their own honey and become calm, the entire hive settling down. It seemed oddly similar to the shape-shifting car experience. A kind of reality bending - blowing smoke to change an externalized / internalized reality. Not entirely the same; guess it makes me wonder about "smoke" in terms of our own perceptual capability: is it the veil that separates our thinking brain from the place of visions, from true "seeing"? Are we being calmed into accepting these limitations, prevented from experiencing a more fully-realized consciousness?