What's your problem?

I have a major problem with guys. They see me as a guy trapped inside a girl's body. They look at me as an intelligent, athletic, funny person but not as a girl. They would never go out with because I don't flirt like there's no tomorrow or go to basketball games to scope out guys. I rather watch the game! But that's the type of girl teen guys want. I can't compete with that and I won't. My family and adults who know me say I'm a beautiful girl. But why can't guys see me that way? I'm tired of being left out of girl talks because I've never had those moments with guys that almost every girl has been through. What's wrong with me?

--Not a girly girl

A: Guys may be noticing you and you don't even realize it. Maybe you need to give them a little more credit. You think they want goofy, flirty girls but the guys we talk to all say they want a girl who makes them feel comfortable and who likes to have fun. The flirty girls pump up their egos a bit but that gets boring really quickly.

So how do you act and feel around guys? Are you nervous? Are you bitter because you think that they see you as "one of the boys?" Do you assume defeat without even getting into the game? Guys pick up on this and it makes them uncomfortable and confused. At least they can tell that the flirty ones are interested! If they think you're not interested, they're going to stay away because they don't want to be rejected.

Talk to them, listen to them, laugh with them and, most importantly, relax around them. They'll see you in a whole new light.

Q: I am mixed with black and Italian, and my boyfriend is white. When we're talking, he'll joke around and call me a "nigga". I've told him how much this hurts my feelings, and have asked him to stop, and I also explained to him that this is a racist word. Even after that, when we're joking around, he claims to "forget" and calls me that again. What should I do to make him stop?
-Offended

A: Wow! This guy needs to get a clue. You owe it to yourself to sit him down and really explain to him that it is offensive, racist and incredibly insensitive of him to use that term, even as a "joke." Don't just tell him in passing, make sure you two have a real conversation about it. Don't let him wiggle away or tell you to lighten up. You need to make sure he knows where you're coming from and that he won't "forget" again. This is one situation where you can say: "This is not acceptable. I don't even want to hear you use that term again!" If he keeps doing it then he's letting you know that he doesn't care about your feelings. Dump him and find someone who isn't an insensitive jerk!

Q: I'm extremely infatuated with a celebrity and I'm really confused. I recently found out that he has a girlfriend. It's been making me cry exceptionally often. I know that celebrities are only showed to the public while they're in their best light, but I realize that they still have faults. I know it sounds silly and hopeless, but I'm not interested in any other guys right now. Now, I'm angry with myself that I let myself become so obsessed. My parents know that I'm crazy about him, but I'm embarrassed to admit how he affects my moods. I want to move on, but I can't get him out of my mind. What should I do?
-Confused

A: Not only are celebrities shown in "their best light," but what we see of them isn't even necessarily close to their true personalities! You don't know this guy at all, no matter how many interviews you've read or seen on TV.

Holding onto your crush on this guy may be your way of having a "safe" relationship. You're scared of having real feelings for a boy that you actually know*at least with your celeb crush, you know he'll never reject you (because he'll never even meet you.)

You've got to get this boy out of your life. Take down the posters and get rid of all the magazines you've collected with his face on the cover. This guy is your drug and you've got to go cold turkey. Only then will you be able to notice the "boy next door" and finally experience a real relationship!

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