10/26/2017

This Particular Hell: Another Nonsensical Trump "Interview"

Yesterday, President Donald Trump sat with Fox Business host Lou Dobbs for an "interview" (if by "interview," you mean, "providing an alibi for a little while"). This is our national Hell: every day, we have to hear Trump say some dumb goddamn thing or other. If we're really unlucky, we have to see his jowls flopping around while he spouts words in a random order until he gets to a phrase like "believe me" to denote the end of what I suppose we could generously call a "thought." We have to watch his sagging scrotum of neck flesh undulate as he emphasizes some talking point he's made a thousand, ten thousand times before.

Dobbs, who has been an eager Trump chowder guzzler for decades now, threw so many soft balls at the president that it was less a newsworthy interview than a gentle massage from tits to prostate. Dobbs opened by saying, "In nine months in office, you’ve already accomplished more in the way of job creation." He praised, "You’re the first President to talk openly and honestly about offshoring of production, the outsourcing of jobs." He groveled, "The country owes you a great debt on so much." He knob-polished, "You’re also one of the most loved and respected men in history." To call Dobbs a sycophant is to do an injustice to the level of self-abasement he enthusiastically engaged in. He was the kind of whore who wants you to know you can shit on his face and he'll still call you "Daddy."

For his part, Trump was Trump was Trump. He spouted such blithering idiocy that you wonder how he can walk and breathe at the same time (and the evidence is not strong that he's capable of doing that for long periods). For instance, talking about his fucking border wall, he said, "You think of a wall as a wall. But honestly you do need some see through ability because you don’t know who’s – if you do pure concrete which is a wall then you can’t see who’s on the other side. You know you have a wall that’s this thick and you can’t see who’s on the other side. So, we’re going to need some see-through abilities." Yes, he really said, "See-through abilities." Insert your favorite gif of someone slapping their forehead or rubbing between their eyes.

Let's say this one more time: Have you ever heard of cameras, you inbred-eyed human-sized slime mold? And if the fucking wall is see-through, doesn't that mean people on the Mexican side can see if there are border agent and ICE waiting for them? That's how fucking "see-through" works.

But motherfucker wasn't done. As he usually does, Trump got a case of his echolalia, stuck like an old record on the word "wall." He went on about border agents, "They know more than anybody and they also know the wall and the wall systems. And, we’re going to take a look at the wall and we’re going to get it built and it’s going to be – it’s going to be quite the wall." First of all, engineers, construction workers, and architects know more than border agents about walls and whatever the fuck wall systems are. Second of all, the fuck? "Quite the wall"? This brain-damaged baboon wants some kind of monument to the Great Stupiding of our country. At this point, we deserve the Trump Wall.

While he repeated the word "wall" eight times in about a minute, Trump also got the word "fake" stuck in his hair implants. Trump said of stories on any network that isn't gooey with Roger Ailes's spooge, "It is so fake. And you know, I have come up with some pretty good names for people. There's -- I think one of the best names is -- you know, I’ve really started this whole fake news thing. Now they’ve turned it around and then, now they’re calling, you know, stories put out by different -- by Facebook fake. And they’re fake."

I'm trying to figure out exactly what the fuck Trump's saying here. He's proud of his bullying names for people (lemme try: "Donald Dimwit." See how easy that is?) He started calling things fake news (never mind that the phrase has been around for a very long time, but, sure, yeah, through sheer dullard repetition, he's popularized it). Then he seems to be criticizing people for calling Facebook stories fake and then, maybe, says that the allegations are fake? Or he agrees Facebook stories are fake? Who the fuck knows because actual, syntactical sense is impossible.

Then, as if to demonstrate his complete inability to do math or understand social media, Trump offered, "The good thing about social media is that I have so many millions of people, so many -- I guess, 128 million. You could add up -- you know, you add up all the different platforms -- massive social media." Now, even getting rid of the 15 million or so bots that are on his Twitter account, Trump does have a large social media presence. But you don't fucking count my Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook profiles as three separate people. You can't "add up all the different platforms." That's ridiculous. It's like saying that everyone is gonna get $4000 from the cruel tax cuts being proposed. No, asshole Trump voter, you're not getting $4000. The rich guy up on the hill there, he's getting $400,000, while you and 98 of your buddies are getting a pile of goose shit. But, hey, that averages out to $4000 per person.

The whole interview is one soul-breaking comment after another, from the praise for the tyrant-like power that China's Xi Jinping now has to Trump's desire to be friendlier to Russia (while completely denying what his own intelligence agencies say about Russia being distinctly unfriendly to us). Of course, there are the incessant attacks on Hillary Clinton, the demonizing of the Democratic Party, and the failure to see anything good that doesn't involve his giant-ass ego.

I used to think "Tomorrow is another day" with hope. Now it's with the knowledge that the dull thrum of the continued blabberings of a belligerent buffoon will always be in the background.