Topic: help im in a really bad situation with fi Posted: 15 September 2012 at 10:19am

asalaum alkum brothers and sisters..

ok i am offically married to a women but we never had sexual reltionship because we were waiting on after the wedding party(i guess ill say this is what some arabs cultrelly do)..well things have went downsouth big time between me and her while waiting for the wedding cermony which was suppose to take place next year in january..weve been engaged for 5 months now and it all started when she asked to go oversees(palestine) for a visit for 2 months,i didnt have a problem and even paid her ticket and expenses since we are offically married the islamic way and the american way,and my mom was going out there.any way so i thought it was a good ideal for them to be togather and my mom can teach her a few things here and there about marrige..well things went bad when the first week she was there,she didnt spend anytime with my mom and she was going out with her freinds staying out late at night 3-4 am and my mother couldnt control her(she just went wild)my aunt ended up getting into an argument and telling her what shes doing is not right etc..and while this was going on my fiance told her F YOU(EXCUSE MY LANGUAGE)and told her no one could tell her what do and she can do what ever she wants too.so my aunt told her to get out of her(my grandfathers house thats also where my moms staying)and go by your uncles house cause she wont tolarate her coming home late ,well she did and she ended up getting put out of his house aswell so she went stayed by her sisters house which is married with kids..for the first month she was there she never answered my calls,text messages or facebook messages(even though she was posting pictures everyday on facebook i though it was weird and didnt think nothing of it(keep in mine my mother nor my aunt told me what was going on because they didnt want me to get mad so i ended up finding out from freinds out there and thats when i confornted my mom and aunt and they told me everything was going on..so thats when i started calling her mother and seeing whats going on with her daughter etc..so her mother finally got her to call me and me and my fiances converstion didnt go well at all,it was just abunch of screaming and shouting on the phone and she told me once she gets back to the states she wants a divorce,i told her ok no problem maybe allah has a different plan for me and you..
now word is going around that her and her mother(her mother is divorceed lady)where just useing me for money which i feel like they where because her and her mom always called me for money for her daughter etc..well ive spent well over $7,000 that i worked so hard for so i can one day get married.
the thing is even if i still wanted to get married to her noone would come to our wedding because everyone from my faimly and her faimly(uncles)know what she did and they all even said that they wernt coming,so it dosnt make sence for me to go waste more money to rent a hall room and all that stuff..her mother keeps calling my uncle asking him what we want to do.and my uncle tells her mother to call me up and ask me,they havent called me up and i havent talked to my fieance in 2 months..also another word thats gong around is that they want me to divorcee her so her and her mother can get the money my mom ad dad promised if i ever leave divorcee there daughter which is $50,000,i never agreed to this amount because i dont have that much money but my mom and dad did because they thought that these problems wont happen and they thought the girl was really nice and raised up good(which is far from true).

cliff notes:
we were married by a sheik and signed the contract.
defeered dowry was $50,000(thats if i divorcee)
now since we didnt do anything in the bed room can i divorcee her and move on with my life?or do i still have to pay her..
i know if she divorcees me she has to pay every penny that i gave her but i forgive her and i dont want anything i just want this nightmare to be over with..

sorry for the long read and i aprricate all the help i can get and if you guys have any questions or misunderstanding of the things i wrote plz ask me so i can clarify it better

If it is true than it is finished before even start. The good thing is, it has not even start yet. Aside of all rules after rules and more rules, marriage is practical daily life, where both parties must be involved in daily life in supporting each other for the communion to be called "in marriage".

we were married by a sheik and signed the contract. defeered dowry was $50,000(thats if i divorcee) now since we didnt do anything in the bed room can i divorcee her and move on with my life?or do i still have to pay her..

With $50,000 at stake it's definitely worth talking to a lawyer. Since the marriage was never consummated, it may be possible to have it annulled, which is not the same thing as a divorce (it's as if the marriage never took place). Also, you may have grounds to have the marriage declared fraudulent, especially if she used it as a means of obtaining US citizenship.

we were married by a sheik and signed the contract. defeered dowry was $50,000(thats if i divorcee) now since we didnt do anything in the bed room can i divorcee her and move on with my life?or do i still have to pay her..

With $50,000 at stake it's definitely worth talking to a lawyer. Since the marriage was never consummated, it may be possible to have it annulled, which is not the same thing as a divorce (it's as if the marriage never took place). Also, you may have grounds to have the marriage declared fraudulent, especially if she used it as a means of obtaining US citizenship.

Good luck!

yes i have spoken to a lawyer and he told me we can get it anuualed but he cant help me the islamic way..i know that we are suppose to get a sheik and some older faimly members but the thing is they dont want to sit down and talk,and then the girls uncles are upset at her mother for doing this and the mother just completly shunned them out so there saying they dont know what to do because the mother is not co-oprateing with them or us..

yesterday i was on her facebook from a freinds facebook account (since she blocked me) and she had her status as single and WHAT really triped me out is that she changed her religious status from MUSLIM/ISLAM TO OTHER?? THEY ARE MUSLIM people and they are also from our tribe

If it is true than it is finished before even start. The good thing is, it has not even start yet. Aside of all rules after rules and more rules, marriage is practical daily life, where both parties must be involved in daily life in supporting each other for the communion to be called "in marriage". Salaam and all the best.

yes alhamdullah,allah is doing this because if i actually married her and consumed our reltionship it would of been way more trouble

I am not in favor of long distance marriages and I am definitely against long distance divorces. I would suggest you wait for her to come back and then ask for a mediated meeting to discuss your future. If you both decide that you do not want to be married, then get a collaborative divorce. It will cost a lot less than an adversarial divorce and be much less painful. As far as "Mahar" is concerned, she has the option of forgiving it, otherwise, I think you owe her 1/2 of the Mahar since the marriage has not been consummated.

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