Dan Jones: Big Sam’s back and I must confess, I love West Ham being third

Nobody knows anything. So it is in Hollywood. So it is in football. So it is in life, full stop, but let us for the sake of brevity keep our parameters here set to the business of West Ham vs Swansea in the Premier League, yesterday afternoon.

Nobody knows anything. This is the best way to make sense of the fact that West Ham, managed by Sam Allardyce, are third in the Premier League when the Christmas decorations are up. Or that they are there because at times they have played some of the smartest and the most effective football in the whole of the competition.

Or that Andy Carroll and Stewart Downing are a pair of players about whom you can once again say ‘international football’ without people thinking you are on crack.

Or that West Ham are third and they deserve to be there. It shouldn’t work. But it does.

At the beginning of the season, a little less than four months ago, Allardyce was regarded as the most likely man in the Premier League to lose his job. Upton Park had been mutinous for months.

Last season closed with fans displaying a banner accusing him of ‘Killing WHU’. On Twitter, supporters were promising to boycott the stadium unless Allardyce was rolled up in a carpet and carted off down Green Street on the back of a flatbed truck.

Well now look. The Hammers have been brilliant since then. I wonder if Sam and Alan ‘The Muppet’ Pardew might have had a cheeky little smirk to themselves this weekend.

The one takes West Ham to their best League position for more than 15 years; the other beats an apparently unbeatable Jose Mourinho Chelsea team 2-1.

See how the fallen are mighty! Allardyce In! Pardew In! One of them, at least, ought to put a consoling call in to Arsene Wenger.

West Ham v Swansea City: Player Ratings

West Ham v Swansea City: Player Ratings

1/12
Adrian: 6

Helpless to prevent Bony’s strike from finding the net, after Swansea carved the Hammers defence apart, before the Ivorian rattled his crossbar from distance after the interval, on what was an otherwise routine outing for the Spaniard.

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2/12
Carl Jenkinson: 6

Outfoxed by Montero for Swansea’s opener, the man on-loan from Arsenal made amends with his pin-point delivery for Carroll’s equaliser. Still needs to work on his defensive positioning, but offers a reliable outlet on the right flank in attacking areas.

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3/12
James Tomkins: 6

Struggled to cope with Bony on the turn, but battled vigorously in the closing moments of the match as West Ham protected their lead.

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4/12
Winston Reid: 6

Like Tomkins, he was outmuscled by Bony all too often, but dominated in the air as West Ham held on for the win.

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5/12
Aaron Cresswell: 7

One of the bargains of the summer. His enterprising runs and variety of delivery are matched by a composure in defence often missing with attacking full backs. Clearly starting to develop an understanding with Andy Carroll. Another impressive display from the 24-year-old.

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6/12
Alex Song: 6

Making his first appearance since November 8, West Ham’s metronome looked a little rusty at times as passes went askew. Nonetheless, the calmness he instils in his team-mates was apparent once again, forming a solid shield alongside Kouyate.

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7/12
Cheikhou Kouyate: 6

Solid alongside Song, but needs to impose himself a little more on proceedings. Replaced by Collins in the final moments.

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8/12
Kevin Nolan: 6

Unable to direct either Jenkinson’s bobbling cross or Downing’s flighted free kick past Fabianski. Still capable of finding pockets of space in the box, on what was his 500th career start.

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9/12
Stewart Downing: 6

His corner found Carroll unmarked to put West Ham ahead just after the hour mark. By no means his best performance of the season, but he’s building that knack of making an impact when it matters most.

10/12
Enner Valencia: 4

His control let him down in the opening exchanges after finding space following a mix-up between Williams and Bartley, and the Ecuadorian struggled to settle in the match. Replaced at half time by Diafra Sakho.

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11/12
Andy Carroll: 8

A classic Carroll finish brought the Hammers level on the stroke of half-time, before putting them ahead just after the hour mark. Constant threat throughout, and clearly thriving on the deliveries from Song, Cresswell and Jenkinson.

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12/12
Diafra Sakho: 7

Replaced Valencia at half time for his first appearance in two months, the Senegalese striker immediately offered more than his team-mate. His darting run eventually lead to Fabianski’s dismissal, before capping the win with a thunderous finish.

Of course, the Allardyce bounce has now started another pundit’s meme: folk are now busy digging out the most vehement criticism levelled at the West Ham manager from six months ago and repeating it, cold, to the critics, so that they can look silly and faithless.

This is rather a dangerous game, for it assumes West Ham will continue to challenge for a 2015-16 Champions League place, rather than collapsing hilariously and justifying all the criticisms that are presently being written off as the bleatings of fairweather fans.

It is possible, if very unlikely, that Alex Song, Enner Valencia and Diafra Sakho will all get injured at the same time, that Carroll and Downing will go back to being Carroll and Downing, rather than their own more talented stunt doubles, and that a resolutely negative route-one West Ham will scrape together only 12 points between now and the end of the season, just avoiding relegation on the very last day of the season. Then what? Allardyce in? Allardyce out? Remember: nobody knows anything.

All this said, I must confess: I love West Ham being third, just as much as I love Southampton being fourth and even Swansea being eighth. Not only does it prove the essential inconstancy and volatility of football, the world and everything, it makes for a bloody good change. Long may it continue.