Waiting..

It seems to me, that we spend a lot of our lives waiting. Waiting for this occasion or that. Waiting for the next job, the next step, the next house, the next car. Waiting to get engaged, married, pregnant. Waiting for our babies to crawl, walk, talk. Waiting for summer, waiting for Christmas. Waiting. Waiting is hard. I’ve been thinking a lot recently (I think cancer does that to you), what am I waiting for?

leave the path and find sonething beautiful

Yes it’s nice to move forward, but as we are all pushing forward, are we missing what’s around us? Everyone looks forward to Christmas (well almost everyone, my mum hates it), but, in doing so, do we miss Autumn? With the gorgeous colours, beautiful crafts, smells, food? One of my favourite things in the world is an Autumn walk, crunchy leaves, crispy air, a nice warm scarf… bliss! I had a night away with friends at the weekend, on the way home, instead of rushing back to our busy lives as wives, mums, workers, we stopped for a walk together. It was a beautiful day, a beautiful place, and we got to see it for the first time together. We made the trip home more about the journey, then the destination.

lovely walk with friends

This morning, I found out that this cancer journey may not be as simple or as quick as I thought it’d be, it might take longer, much longer than I’d like. My first thoughts were “no, I don’t want to wait, I don’t want to hold on, I want it to be over!”. I could put my life on hold and wait, wait until it’s over, count down days and weeks and months and years… but what for? Then I’ll just be waiting again. Waiting to loose that stone or have that holiday, waiting to head back to work or waiting for Christmas AGAIN. So I’m not going to wait. I’m just going to be. I’m going to embrace what’s around me, what’s happening today. Fit in all the toddler snuggles and I love you’s and coffees with friends and Autumn walks that I can. There’s joy in the present, stop waiting and start living. I’m off to play in some leaves with my dog.