Binge-free challenge ~ July 20 - 26

Nicki - hope you had a great rest of your day! Some days it really just is an hour by hour thing, and others it all seems so 'easy'.

Oh ebb I m so sorry to hear about the troubles you are going through with your kiddles Not having children I wont say that I understand how you feel . . . . I can only imagine how hard it is for you to want to take away all their pain and frustration, my heart is aching just thinking of what you and yoru family must be going through. If its not too intrusive, what do the doctors need to do? Or is it best sorted through diet-related means?

The only thing I can say around the need to eat or purge (and really when something is this heart renching I can understand why these feelings would surface) . . . is to think about the fact that you need to be at your best at the moment for those beautiful kids. You do not have to be "perfect" at the moment, but if you are in a food haze it will take you from being present. You are doing so great considering all that is going on.

And you may be feeling crappy at the moment despite the eats going well bcos you are not using food to mask your feelings . . . hugs to you sweety, x

Emily - well done on the inches lost baby!!! Woot!!!

Mere - great going on reigning in the demons AND posting about it here.

You know what I was thinking . . . that when I was 268lbs all it was was about LOSING the weight. I had a single minded focus to just.get.it.off.

I am by no means a small girl at the moment but what I have seen in the past year or so (the year of the relapse and re-gain) is confirmed by reading posts here . . . that its all of this stuff that needs to be sorted out. How we handle our life. And its all about perspective. When I was the weight I am now on the way down I was SOOOOOOOOOOO happy and thought I was hot stuff. On the way up it didnt feel so good. I found some old journals from 2005 and I was both saddened and happy to read them. Sad bcos I have given up so much of my life with a focus on food but happy bcos I saw that if I got out of the negative tail spin then that I will do it again . . . and am in fact doing it again

Tonight I have a 50th bday party for my sister in law's aunt - she is so sweet - only problem is it will be South American food (& pastries . . . churrrrrrros anyone?) ahoy!

If I can just eat normally at the party and without judgement (I dont think I will stick to my low carbin' ways 100% at this party) then that will be a good night.

My past patterns have been that I go out to eat, or go to a party, dont have ANYTHING off plan then feel so deprived that I come home and start the pantry dance . . . ohhhhhhhh do I want some of this . . . ohhhhhhhh do I want some of that.

So. The plan is that I will be off plan FOR TONIGHT ONLY (the rest of the day I am eating like I normally do). But that I will eat to satisfy hunger. I will try the pastries but not inhale 65 different sweets. And tomorrow I will just get back on my plan

ebb...omg hugs! I couldn't imagine. You totally need another source of endorphins! You are rocking it. day 3! awesome!!!

sweet curves...come on girl you can do it!

meredith: congratulations on not letting cereal trigger you and for getting in workouts to offset the binges and get back on track! awesome. congrats on day 6 too!

foxxy, I'm keeping an eye on my inches too--since the scale is not being friendly. Im going to officially take my measurements tomorrow but for now I keep putting on these jeans I couldn't get up my fat butt before! Now I can button them..they are tight...but I can button them. That says a whole lot!
congratulations on losing more inches!!!

Justsharing. I don't know why but if I eat something I feel I shouldn't I also crave everything on my list of no, no food, but if it is on plan--icecream worked into my calorie allowance--no trigger for more junk...I could eat 3 pb and jelly sandwhiches in a row...so I know what you mean...

wormwood: great job on day 4.

Danni hooray for primping and getting laundry done. I went and got my eyebrows done, and gave myself a pedicure and a manicure. After I shaved my legs--felt very feminine and sexy again...

wormwood congrats on day 4!!!

Nicki, awesome job, y ou are gong to be racking up binge free days b4 you know it!

bucket, how are you doing now hun?

Today is day 44...ever since I have decided to lose weight for real. I have not binged. The plan makes it hard to eat too much at one time. You get full fast.

I had shrimp with veggies and half whole wheat pasta/half thin spaghetti and pasta is usually one of my triggers. I took 1/2 a serving I normally get and enjoyed that. then I took another 1/2 my normal serving. I felt great. I didn't want to stand over the pot and eat more and wait til everyone left the kitchen and eat some more pasta...I did grab a few more shrimp...but that was no biggie.

I followed it up with 1/2 cup yummy butter pecan ice cream which I shared with my SO. I took in about 1350 calories today, so I am pretty pleased.

Cooked 8 bite sized sausage rolls for DH for his pack up lunch, he left without them so I ate them. Daft thing is I don't even like them. Clinging on to this keyboard to stop myself from raiding the fridge/larder etc.

My ex-roommate just posted the most ridiculous, nasty, completely full-of-lies Facebook note about me! This girl was an absolute nightmare to live with, and now she is apparently spreading lies about me--WTF!!!! I am so freaking angry right now that I really feel like throwing something. If she were here, I swear to god I would slap her across the face! And it's not even that I really give a crap about her posting all this crap, or that people will believe it or whatever--we don't have any shared friends (namely because, uh, I HAVE them, and she doesn't!), so I highly doubt that anyone I know will even see it... She literally has no social life outside of her deadbeat boyfriend and a few friends left from high school who she seems to love one day and hate the next, so she has like no connections to anyone who actually attends our school, let alone anyone who's actually in my circle... And even if someone I know did see it, I'm sure they'd realize that she's full of crap. But still, this is pissing me off SO much. I mean, I not possibly care less what deatbeat-boyfriend and intermittent-high-school-friends think of me, but how DARE she?! I was *such* a good roommate and put up with soooo much of her crap, and she's really going to try to twist it around and make it sound like living with ME was hard? Grrrrrrrrr. I'm just sitting here with my jaw clenched, and the urge to binge is SO effing strong right now. Like, I really don't think I'll be able to resist. I was hoping that it would help I came here to vent about the stupid beyotch instead of reaching for the box of Nilla wafers in the kitchen... But I'm not so sure if it's working. K, I think I need to get out of the house before something bad happens. I'll be back later!

Oh Mere that sucks!!!!!!!!!! But you know what I have realised. . .some people just are bitter and horrid. Why she needed to post it on freakin fb . . . if I have smthg to say to someone I generally say it to them. It aint pretty but then you have said it to them.

Keep your chin up and know what you said is true - people who know YOU will not care what she has written and know the truth. Hugs honey.

Sweetcurves - you will DEFINITELY do it! Just one meal one moment at a time if we have to.

Sooooo, here for confessionals. Last night was a mess. I wont go into food porn, but today will be better I am not going to wallow in the negativity and judgement that is just below the surface bcos all that does is lead me to more food. I will see it as what it was. ONE bad night. I will not string that together into one bad month as I have in the past.

Danni - You have it exactly right, it was one bad night... and even more than that, it was one bad night that is now over!!! And look at you, all dusted off and moving on. You go girl! Thank for the encouragement

WardHog Congrats on day 4! Just keep going forward, one day at a time, and soon next week will be behind you!

__________________"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind donít matter and those who matter donít mind.Ē óDr. Seuss

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, though it may be necessary, from time to time, to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye." - Miss Piggy

Today is day 2! Yes I managed to stop myself from binging yesterday. Today though may be a different story. We're off to the cinema and all the temptations there, then DH wants to get a KFC after. Wish me luck I'm going to need it!

Yay for everyone just taking it one day at a time I have to admit I had a kind of half arsed day today . . . I've had more good days than bad since 29 June (my journey back from the brink) but I feel like I need to kick it up a notch.

I know from the past that the more (and I use this term loosely) "perfect" days that I have the easier the journey becomes. I feel like at the moment, although not continually full-on inhaling food . . . I am pushing the envelope a little every day. Maybe eating a little bit extra here and there regardless of whether I am even hungry.

So.

The plan is to get back to basics:

- plan my food for the day & stick to it
- continue to ask myself whether I am even hungry
- get enough water
- more regular workouts