Sorry. No. Thank you …

180 Comments

Hiya Sweet Friend,

I have a deep-rooted calling to feel happy. To love the skin I’m in and to embrace all the nooks and crannies that make me, me. I need peace of mind like I need oxygen. I need unstructured time like I need water. Consistent contentment and less stress probably boost my immune system more than green juice.

And yet I often get lost in my to-do list, complain about too many commitments and align myself with people who give me more headaches than joy. I’ve caught myself saying things like, “once I’m over this hump I’ll have more breathing room.” But here’s the thing about humps, there’s always another one on the next hillside. And humps hump. Yes, you read that correctly. They breed like rabbits!

I don’t know about you, but I suspect that sometimes my mouth moves before my brain has time to think. And as we all know, words are powerful. So as part of my peace-of-mind plan, I’ve decided to examine my language. Especially the use of the following words: Sorry. No. Thank you. Harmless, helpful words, right? Yet their overuse/misuse can slowly drain our self-worth and damage our relationships, while at the same time watering down their meanings. Consciousness takes practice, so let’s dive in.

Sorry.

There are right times to be sincerely sorry, but there are also wrong times. When I give someone a meaningful sorry, we both feel better. That’s true heart medicine, a 1000-mg dose. I do my very best to apologize when I’m wrong, but I often catch myself saying sorry for no reason at all.

I say sorry (even though I don’t need to) when …

I turn unwanted offers down (telemarketers, I’m talkin’ to you!)

I ask for what I need.

I stand up for myself.

Sorry slip-up flashback: When my new website launched, a disgruntled reader let me know that she didn’t like the design or my smile. In her mind, my site was too flashy, and I had no business running ads for my own books (perhaps she works for free, but I can’t). As for my smile, it was way too big and therefore not authentic. Naturally I was hurt and pissed! Unnaturally I responded with something like “I’m sorry you feel that way, I am proud of my new website and the work I do.” While I’ve always responded to negativity by either ignoring it or blasting it with a fire hose of sunshine, did I have to say sorry? No. Was I sorry? Heck NO. No need to apologize.

Sorry isn’t a band-aid or a replacement for a backbone. Sorry isn’t a “safe word” or a way to keep the peace at the sacrifice of your well-being.

There’s a difference between true remorse and a fear of being judged. Sweet friend, don’t say sorry if there’s nothing to be sorry for. Because, I don’t know about you, but when I mindlessly vomit apologies, I’m often left feeling like a powerless doormat. Yuck. Get off the floor.

No.

Instead of saying no when I need to, I turn my life into a constipated pretzel through a knee-jerk “yes” response.

I say yes when I should say no because …

I hate to let people down.

I underestimate how long projects will take, and I fail to prioritize my time.

I forget that my needs matter — that I matter as much as the other person.

Naughty no-no flashback: Once upon a time, I agreed to a speaking engagement on a cruise ship. Sounds breezy, right? Not for me. I get extreme vertigo on big boats that can last for months afterwards. So why on earth did I say yes? Several reasons, but mostly because the folks asking me were painfully pushy. They were strong about what they wanted, but was I? I wiggled. I put the answer off as long as I could but eventually caved and said “yes.” I immediately started to panic. How would I get through ten days of physical pain? Answer: I couldn’t! A month later I finally mustered a “no” and pulled out of the gig. Of course, by waiting I caused undue stress for all. If I had been upfront and able to put my needs first, I would have saved us both a lot of grief. Lesson learned.

Saying yes can feel good, and often comes from a positive place. It means we care about other people, want to do good things and spread happiness in the world. It means we’re optimistic and believe in our abilities. Sadly, though, few of us can make every dream match the reality of only 24 hours in a day. As my brilliant bestie Marie Forleo reminded us recently, get on the “No Train,” choo choo! While this may seem like obvious advice, how often are we consistent No Train conductors?

Think about my example.You can’t always “yes” your way out of a problem. Mindlessly agreeing may temporarily avoid discomfort, but it’s often short-sighted and even lazy. Instead of setting a boundary, we slip into “yes” amnesia, forgetting we’ve been here before. In this delusional state, there’s unlimited time, superhuman energy and a gaggle of soul-nannies who keep us fed, bathed and exercised. Sober up! Splash yourself with cold water and (gently) slap your cheek. If you’re worried about scarcity, let that go. Offers and opportunities will continue. Every unwanted “yes” takes you one step further from freedom, well-being and time with yourself and loved ones.

Thank you.

Gratitude is one of the holiest ways to honor and connect with yourself and others. Saying thank you for a generous gift is gracious, repeatedly gushing thanks because you feel guilty or undeserving is not.

I say thank you too much because …

I don’t feel worthy.

Love may never come again.

I don’t want to seem under appreciative.

Thank-less thank you flashback: During my actor-dancer period, I needed a loan to get through a rough patch. I borrowed the cash from a friend, and I insisted on a monthly payment plan. I was truly grateful. I always sent her my checks on time with a gushing note as an expression of thanks. But I had a burning feeling that it was never enough. Years later we had a falling out for a different reason. And what do you think she hit me with? “You never appreciated the money I lent you.” I could have written a personalized thank you across the sky (with my blood), and it still wouldn’t have been enough. One “thank you” or a thousand made no difference. Clearly something much bigger was going on, and that something had nothing to do with me.

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A heartfelt thank you is polite and loving. Becoming a thank you Pez dispenser is just plain toxic. No one should hold you captive emotionally or treat you like a mooch. If you find yourself saying “thank you” too much that might mean someone is making you feel inadequate, and it’s time to re-examine the balance in your relationship. Perhaps they don’t deserve you. Look beyond your compulsion to say thank you and address the real issue or elegantly remove yourself from the drama. Bon Voyage!

Wrapping it all up: There’s a fine line between healthy and unhealthy use of language. It’s part of our spiritual journey to find our tipping points and gently adjust them. When I get clear on the why’s behind my sorry’s, no’s and thank you’s, I get clear on who and what needs to be embraced or released. I make room for more living and less second-guessing, more truth and less explaining, more relief and less regret.

Am I ready to live in that space more often?

YES, PLEASE, ABSOLUTELY!

Your turn: Is it just me or can you relate? If so, how could you improve the language you use? Share your thoughts in the comments below, I’m really curious!

Peace & proper vocabulary,

P.S. Want more reminders to put beautiful you first?

Check out my Crazy Sexy Love Notes card deck for 52 inspirational taps on the shoulder to help you care for and appreciate yourself at the deepest level. Let these notes guide you through your day with delight. Get the card deck here.

180 Responses…

Thank you Kris! No, seriously, thank you 🙂
This hits right to the heart of the matter — feeling unworthy and not sure if we’re okay and good enough AS IS. I say, YES we are!
I can completely relate to saying yes because I am too scared to say no. And I’ve had several cruise ship moments myself.
This is my year to honor my goods and love myself always in all ways.
If it’s hard for me to say no, I do the pledge of allegiance with my hand – (remembering my pledge to myself that is) and then I say NO.
Keep rocking it Kris! Loving you in all ways!
Robin

This is a fabulous reminder of when it’s appropriate to say Yes, No, Thankyou or Sorry. I know that I say yes at the expense of my needs and I say sorry too much (exactly the situations you mentioned). I’ll be working on whether saying yes detracts from my well being (and if it does, I will learn to say no), and whether a situation warrants a ‘sorry’.

You rock… and incidentally, your website rocks and your smile is gorgeous… xxx

Thank you for articulating this so beautifully! One of my favorite sayings is “I’m not saying no to you, I’m saying yes to me.” But I often forget to practice that and easily slip back into my people pleasing tendencies. I’ve always been an over-apologizer, even when things aren’t my responsibility. As a super-busy gal (I own a yoga studio, am finishing up a masters in counseling, plus an internship!!) it’s so important to watch for energy leaks. These are three places where I can totally say yes to me and practice self-care. Thank you, Kris!
xxoo
Jamie

Brilliant! Can’t tell you how many flashbacks I’ve just had with all 3 points. Especially the “sorry” and the “thank you” often gives me a hard time. Especially if someone wants to give you something – well intentioned – but just not “my thing”. How do you get out of that situation gracefully and without hurting the other persons feeling? Or is that just sometime inevitable? Hmmm…. lots of food for thought. Thank you Kris.

I can totally relate!
There was a period of time where I didn’t value myself as I should. And there are times where I revert back to that attitude. But saying sorry for things I did not do was my biggest tripper-upper. I.e. “I’m sorry you have the flu” I didn’t give them the flu! Shame shame.

I could improve the language I use, first off by hearing my feelings, and feeling my words. You are correct…when you say yes but mean no, you feel it on a bodily and emotional level. That misaligned yes or no will hurt ever slightly, if you are honest enough with yourself about how those words made you feel when you said it. To improve my language, I need to face my fears of loss and loneliness, and I need to encourage myself to remove the boundaries that I have placed in my life. As I honor myself, I can begin speaking words that come from my deep inner knowing and connection with the love and life that I choose to express.

As a cancer survivor myself, three years in remission from Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, I wasn’t someone who knew how to say no before my diagnosis. It took cancer (and your book Crazy, Sexy Cancer) to wake me up and stop doing the things that I really didn’t want to do. Now if someone asks me something that I truly don’t want to do I tell them that I need some time to think about it. I don’t take long to let them know and if it’s something that really doesn’t sit right with me I just tell them that I can’t do it. It’s not always easy but I only try to give my energy to the things and people that I truly want to because another thing that cancer taught me was how precious our time really is.

You mirrored my thoughts exactly, so sometimes I think people want me to be sorry for not living up to their expectation. I want to be happy in my life and I will follow the guidelines of the universe. I will smile large when I’m happy
And not try and stop the smile that starts at the bottom of my toes and works itself out in silly wonderful ways. The world needs more of you KC keep it up…….I will say thank you a million times but will from now on limit my I’m sorrys, because you are sooooooo right they take way, but I will thank someone for their opinion!!!!!!! Remember no one will do it for you! Sylvia

Thank you for this today, Kris! I’ve spent the past few weeks saying “thank you” for things that don’t deserve thanks, and saying “yes” to all the things I DON’T want to do – hoping to get attention and love from someone who clearly is not valuing me right now. It seems like the more I do for this person, the more I feel under appreciated, and then I find myself saying yes and thank you even more. What a silly cycle. Time to focus on me for awhile and my needs. No more thanks for nothings!!

I’m sure that most people have dealt with this very same thing. Say thanks to yourself for at least recognizing that something doesn’t feel right. Your awareness is the beginning of you breaking the cycle. I bid you peace, luv & light!

Thanks for sharing Kris. I totally agree with saying sorry. There are certain occasions when we all have to say excuse me when we need to get past. The majority of responses I get are “oh I’m sorry” and say the exact same thing “Why are you sorry?” You have no reason to be, I just need to get past please! It does cause me unnecessary stress personally. I am learning to say “NO” more often now because I was always saying “YES!” to things. I just need to learn to take care of myself without wanting to please others. I to am learning NOT to say thankyou too much as well. You will come across some people who just like to hear it which can be very draining and others who accept you for you and naturally appreciate the things you do for them without the need for the accepting “THANKYOU” Great article and very enlightening.

A constipated pretzel! HA! I love it — somehow that is the perfect way to describe the bind I feel when I say YES to everything. This article really had serendipitous timing for me, as just yesterday I sent an “I’m so sorry but I just have to say No” message to a friend who offered me some freelance work. My New Year’s resolution to myself is to take better care of me, and part of that is saying NO to projects and making more time for my own endeavors and adventures. I succeeded in the “No”, but have been feeling guilty about it.

For me, and many of us, I think the challenge is not just in learning how to say these words thoughtfully and authentically, but to really embody and trust what we’re saying, too — even after the fact.

I’m working on feeling proud of myself for sticking to my bigger needs and desires, and not seeing the NO as a door closing, but rather a new pathway opening towards my deeper truth.

Thank you, Kris, for helping me reinforce this important lesson and feel confident in my choices.

Hi Kris,
I feel as if it was meant for me to read your post this morning. No such thing as coincidence so here I am.

I’m guilty of over-thanking and over-apologizing and for the same reasons you mentioned. There’s always been that anxiety about offending anyone. In my family, I’ve always been known as the free-spirited one. I’m the artist and the one who was not quite together. Of course I’ve managed to keep it together over the years and I’ve been blessed with family and friends who are very supportive. But I did think of myself, albeit unknowingly, as inadequate in spite of whatever good I may have achieved.

Of course that’s something I’ve begun to work on. It’s not always easy but I’m also the kind of person who chooses to be happy so that helps. I think many people forget that there’s always a choice. It’s not always evident, but when you do sit and look at things at a distance, the choices always present themselves.

Your words bring a little sting of tears to my eyes. I, too, am a free-spirited artist type, and I feel like I have been apologizing for my sensitive, creative nature my whole life. This morning I crave an environment where I am free to be myself and not judged as flaky. Now I’m realizing that I have internalized society’s view of me. If I can change my inner state, maybe I will feel more free. I can start by shifting my language to honor myself and my ways.

I too am an artist. 22 years. Still grappling with confidence issues. Being judged… and beating off what people think of my choice. Bearing the guilt that somehow came (I let it, I know) with becoming and artist. Apologizing all over the place. I appreciate you both sharing your comments and insight and I will be rereading this post and this thread throughout the days to come. Peace.

Thank you for a nice reflexion. I was surprised to see t”thank you” in that list, and then reading I remembered a few times where I said thank you so many times that it was ackward, but yet I still felt the need to say thank you once again. And you’re right; it’s because I felt unworthy of it. Yet these people were trusting me, so maybe I should trust myself too, in these situations.

As for “no”… I’m in one (or two) of these situations right now, and find it difficult to get out of it gracefuly, and it’s already too late for not causing trouble… Which means either case, I won’t feel good about it. A lesson to learn, I guess.

I had a dog trainer ask me if I said “thank you” to the check out person at the grocery store. I do! All the time. It doesn’t make any sense. I try to catch myself and say something else- “have a good day” etc.. Funny thing is most of the time they don’t even say “thank you.”

Wow, I’m going to print this and paste it inside my journal to easily refer to this. Having cancer has brought on this nagging feeling of inadequacy in my career and frustration with friendships. This really resonated with me and I really appreciate the encouragement and motivation to focus on self-care 🙂 Thank you, Kris!

I definitely need to work on saying no more often! I also apologize too often, so I’m working on killing that, but also genuine apologies, when I truly am sorry and someone deserves an apology, I’m very careful to not apologize for how they feel or how they perceived a situation because it doesn’t take any responsibility or allow them to feel their feelings! Therefore, I think your response to the weirdo who didn’t like your beautiful smile was perfect because it wasn’t actually an apology 😉

Kris, you are always a blast of common sense and raw wisdom and your blog supplies me with the kind of laughs and down-to-earth honesty that makes me feel like I am sitting with a long time and trusted friend. I say sincerely, “sorry, that some people don’t get you, thank you for being brave enough to give the world you and ‘no’ smile is too big”!

loved this article! i just this morning realized i “apologized’ multiple times in emails when all that was really needed was a thank you, not a sorry. i find your site, smile, attitude very inspiring. i have major health issues and your site makes me feel hopeful.

I love this post! I have been trying to examine my language as well, as I have also found that so much of what I say comes from a place of fear rather than empowerment. Thank you (genuinely) for putting this into clear words and for sharing your heart with us. My intention for this week is to be aware of all of my no’s, sorry’s and thank you’s. Love to you!

So at first when I read this I thought, “yeah . . . I don’t really have a problem with the words no, thank you, and sorry.” Until I kept on reading. This was a great eye opener. I wasn’t aware of the fact that using certain language could really affect my well-being. I say thank you way too much when someone does something for me, sorry even when I really don’t mean it, and yes to things I know will end up causing me stress later. Thank you so much Kris! I really appreciate your honesty. I look up to you a lot. It can be easy to put people like you on a pedestal and think that you have all your shit together and everything in your life is perfect, but it’s so refreshing to know that you are still working on things as well and you are human just like the rest of us :). You are really inspiring.

Very interesting and thought provoking. The ‘thank you’ hit me. I do find myself saying thank you often. However, I feel it is coming from a place of gratitude. Perhaps I need to look deeper and I will be mindful when I will say thank you, to try to see. See, here I go again; thank you Kris (I really mean it).

Thank you for this article. I just wanted to say I LOVE your photo, I love your website, and bah humbug on any negatives you’ve received.

YOU are my hero and inspiration and I’m old enough to be your mom for sure and maybe even your grandma 🙂 I’ve followed you since your documentary on TLC and have many, but not all your books. Thank you!

Brilliant! This resonates sooooo well with me! And what a timing! You are such a gem Kris Carr!!! I love your posts … there is style, actual substance (unlike so many websites out-there), honesty, no empty pep talk but still positive = very rare … THANK YOU!!!

I can relate to what you’re saying. I regularly fall into these word/psyche traps for the reasons you list. They all help me “to get along.” Or, so I think. But, do I understand how much I give up by trying to get along? And, who wants a watered-down version of me? Anyone? I don’t even want that!

Words are seriously powerful tools. Sometimes I don’t think things through before I say it. On the one hand it can be spontaneous even fun, but on the other you could find yourself making 150 recipes… Which is also pretty awesome!

This are my lessons right now. Setting boundaries has always been non-existent for me. Recently I have lost a couple of friends because of it…but were they friends to begin with? But one came back…and for that I am grateful! When I need to respond because whatever happened has me in a dither…I wait. I think it through. I say “no” far more often, and I don’t apologize hardly at all anymore…not for my feelings or thoughts on any given situation. I do thank people for their time and gifts…sincerely.

The well known psychologist… Dr. Jung…
had a client call begging for an appointment that very afternoon.
He told her that was not possible … his calendar for the day was booked.
The next time he saw the client , he had to listen to her outrage….
“I saw you sitting in the park at the very time I wanted to see you! You were not busy,
and I needed you ! ”
He replied, “Madame, I had an appointment with myself, and I never break my appointments.”
So it is for all of us.
We need alone time.
Sometimes that means going to a park and watching the river flow, basking in the beauty as we rest our souls and rejuvenate ourselves.
Make appointments with your self… and keep them!

Is there anything better than telling the truth? I had a friend who consistently turned down my Sunday night dinner invitations. Finally, after yet one more awkward lie about other plans she had, she broke down and said, “Listen, I’d like to get together, but I watch the game on Sunday nights. It’s important to me.”

What a great piece of information! What a gift to not be put off with one excuse after another. We went on to enjoy many years of get-togethers, just not on Sunday nights.

I love your blogs! So insightful and usually touch on things I happen to be going through at the moment…

As an aside, I thought I was the only one who gets vertigo for months after being on a large ship…so sorry to hear it happens to you, too, as I love cruises but obviously I can’t go on them anymore. I just say NO!

I am so glad to read your statement “Consistent contentment and less stress probably boost my immune system more than green juice”! That sentiment has been my own because I believe my emotional body can so undo all the good I’ve been trying to attain through physical means.

Thank you for your words of wisdom Kris. They resonate with truths that I can take home! And by the way, your smile is awesome – it radiates a sunny day!

🙁 Why did you have to mention Jehovashs Witnesses specifically? They are just trying to help people spiritually too. Do you know how many millions of JW’s there are? I guess they don’t deserve your help too? If people don’t want to listen to me I am still willing to listen to them.

I have never understood for the life of me how people who pay for their dwellings are afraid of a non violent people in pairs who just want to share with them the message about Jehovah God. They are providing a free community service of a home Bible study. I have to wonder do people have the same dislike for the new lawn care service in the neighborhood when they come knocking, leaving cards or door tags? What about the new or better plan for TV or phone service, or the new pizza place, the new auto shop in town? Everyone who provides a service come to peoples home, call and/or leaves something to explain what they have to offer. The masses don’t always take advantage of it and maybe are offended some are not and welcome the service. Same thing here with the JW. My neighbor will actually hide when the JW come so she won’t have to answer the door, I crack up all the time. I have to admire their dedication and tenacity. No one works as hard as these folks do, their just being kind, they don’t meany any harm. They aren’t running a business or looking for you to spend your money. Just my two cents.

Kris dear “let your yes be yes and no be no” is in the Bible. Do what you say you are going to do and don’t apologize for anything unless you are wrong.Thanks Grandma for wise words to live by. I’ve known this for years, over time we forget, glad to be reminded.

I don’t think it’s that people are afraid of them, more it’s an intrusion.
Me personally? I don’t like any form of cold caller whether its religious, a take away posting though a menu – anything. There are a few reasons – mostly I don’t like being disturbed in my own sanctuary but also I’ve got 2 dogs one who suffers from anxiety – the door knocks or bell rings and he goes up the walls.

Love your blog but thought your comment about Jehovah’s Witnesses was negative. Like you, JW’s are reaching out to people to offer them hope. They volunteer their time for free because they truly care about their neighbors. Why not listen to them for a minute instead of saying “sorry…”

You always have great advice. I love this post. And as for the grumpy-pants that complained about your smile I say “REALLY, you’re complaining about a SMILE?” That picture makes ME smile and want to do something fun everytime it comes up in my email. Thank you for your open, meaningful writing…and I mean that:)

REALLY interesting post! I can’t believe someone had the actual gall and downright bad manners to email that to you. SERIOUSLY how very rude!

Anyway, such an interesting post – especially the part about saying sorry. As a Brit I think ingrained in our DNA to say sorry – on all occasions. If someone bumps in to us in a supermarket – we say sorry. If someone knocks on the door, uninvited – we say sorry. I’m going to go on a bit of a personal challenge to quit saying sorry so much because I do think I say it way too much and whenever you say something to much it does lose meaning.

I sincerely love the work you do. Your books have helped me make a game plan to treat my illness, and I’ve been raw vegan for several months and I love it. However, I urge you to please stop misusing the word “gypsy.”

The word “Gypsy” is the inaccurate term and offensive slur for the ethnic group known as the Romani people. We descended from India in the 10th century, and our people have been nomadic because of persecution ever since, persecution which persists today. Globally, many Romanies live in deplorable conditions because of poverty and isolation, all of which stems from the enduring prejudice against Romanies. When you use the word “gypsy” as a synonym for a flighty soul or a restless hippy, it mythologizes us as a culture, and it devalues both our struggle for human rights and our real culture (our language, arts, customs, and beliefs) as a whole. “Being gypsy” is not a choice or an eccentricity, I am a woman of Romani heritage. I have been stoned and discriminated against for who I am. My ancestors were murdered for what they were. Hate crimes are still committed against us today, we are unlawfully deported from countries because of anti-gypsyist governments, and when people deny that we are real, our human rights remain out of reach.

While it’s true that there are many impoverished Romanies who are segregated and forced into settlements with no running water or electricity, there are also many Romanies are hardworking citizens of the countries they live in. I teach at Florida State University, and my mother is an artist. Many of us are lawyers, doctors, and academics. There are so many ways to participate in Romani culture; it’s unfortunate that we are so often reduced to a harmful stereotype. Because of this, Romanies who work alongside gadje, non-Romanies, try to hide their ethnicity. I’ve had to do that myself in past jobs for fear of being fired (really), but I’m lucky enough to finally work for an employer who lets me be myself.

I don’t think that you used the slur and stereotype to be offensive. That’s not your deal, I can tell. I felt though that I would be doing you a disservice not to point out what has become systemic racism, so much so that racist language has become idiomatic. So I invite you to be a sister to us. Find out about who we really are, and help us, using your attention to language, love, and acceptance, with our movement for Romani rights.

I have great sympathy for the pain and suffering of the Gypsy people: we have several Romani friends since my husband and I play in a Gypsy music group of 7 people. I think most people understand what is meant by the capital word ‘Gypsy’, relating to the people; while the other noun written with a small ‘g’ as in ‘gypsy’ means “wanderer, traveler, nomad”, which can of course be applied in a physical sense traipsing around the globe, or in an abstract sense if one is trying to find your feet in the spiritual or emotional realm. So let’s not get carried away by so-called mis-using of words, and rather respond to others with love and empathy and give each other space!

Chris…you have probably gotten a thousand questions about this….anyway recently reading about wheat grass and juicing…however what I am finding is about drinking this fresh as the juice starts dying immediately after being juiced…I have been pushed into the proverbial health frustration corner, and I am convinced my health issues are either from age and having gone through chemo for my breast cancer…it is probably a combination of all the above….so my question…fresh or powder form…what is the real low down…I have to add I am a person of VERY limited means…I cannot afford to buy air these days…honestly. love your wit and humor and please tell those who cannot find something good to say to go suck rocks!

Kris, This post reminds me of the two most liberating sentences I’ve ever read. “I live by the truth that No is a complete sentence. I rest as a spiritual act.” Written by Anne Lamott in a piece called “Wisdom of Ages”. The link to the full text: http://womenonly.tribe.net/thread/48115c4b-a0c7-4418-8325-0fc5e8596193
Thank you for your words of wisdom.
Stephanie

Hi Chris,
I love your website, your insight and your determination to be an example for others. I have breast cancer and you have been an inspiration in my life. I’m also a Jehovah’s Witness and feel sad that you included us in your “sorry” but no sorry comment. Please know we are humans like you and care very much about you and your feelings. Thanks.

I finally said “no” to selling Girl Scout cookies. I have always felt weird about allowing my daughter to sell them. The cookie manufacturer gets more money than the girls, and it feels like they are using cute kids to sell their product. I also hate bugging our friends and neighbors over the constant flow of fundraisers from school and church. Rather than feeling comfortable with my “no”, I feel guilty that we are not pulling our weight with the troop. I’ve compensated for my guilt by buying a box or two from every girl scout who asks. We never sold more than 40 boxes in the past anyway, and she was expected to sell at least 150. I have guilt either way, but at least I finally made a stand. Baby steps.

Settings and creating boundaries helps us value ourselves. It is stepping out of the fearful shadow of scarcity and onto the sunny mountaintop of Yes!( by saying no ). I struggle with self esteem and self worth everyday and this little ditty is exactly what I needed to read. I take my power back when I honor my needs. It’s the ultimate love hug. Thanks lady for reminding me I’m pretty great.