Got to Get Myself Some Walls

Personally, I’m still waiting for the great crash. That’s what it’ll be called: the Great Crash. Just add in whatever year it happens- probably soon- and you’ll have your event, which is definitely coming, in which all our electronic data will be erased. Why do you think I was so keen to get a leg up in the property market? You have to jump on this stuff really early, otherwise the Great Crash will wipe out any record that you owned everything and the world will descend into chaos. Of course, it’ll be tough defending my home from the wandering, tattooed, cannibalistic petrol heads, but the fact that I own my own property also means I have some time to shore up the defences. Maybe I’ll build a moat…

Of course, I, uh…don’t really HAVE that leg up. Not just yet, anyway. There’s a lot to consider, and I only confirmed that Great Crash theory recently. I need, like, a Melbourne based buyers advocate. Those people in Melbourne who go round and tell you what high-end home to buy, you know the ones. I just need to get me one I can trust, give them a list of demands and try not to raise too much suspicion. Don’t want everyone getting wind of my theory and clamouring to live in my fortress. I’ll have to play it carefully, but I think I can give a list of demands for my dream home and just make it seem like I’m the paranoid sort.

Enough land for a moat, obviously. Very high walls. Space in the basement- must have a basement, OR sturdy loft space- for a backup generator for when the power goes down. The surrounding land can’t be solid bedrock, because I’m going to have to build a tunnel to go out for supplies and such. Then…maybe a spa bath. Always wanted one of those.