odysseus wrote:I´m asking this because my successful life has gone down the drain. I had a good job, a nice girlfriend and many friends a few years ago.

Now I´m 40 years old and I have nothing. No job, no girlfriend or children. I don´t meet any friends much. I drink beer everyday and smoke hashish. I see my friends on Facebook having jobs, kids, many friends and all of that and I feel outside. I don´t feel very successful, except that I try to live with Buddhist principles as best as I can. It´s like I feel I should not feel down because of this, but sometimes Buddhism can be a lonely path. Maybe I´m just vain..

For most of us, our joys and sorrows are highly influenced by our relations with other people. This is natural. Most of us can't be happy as islands to ourselves up in some cave meditating alone! It is also very challenging to follow the Buddhist path alone--that's why there is the third jewel: the sangha!

Whether you move far away or not, I would suggest moving somewhere where you are near a Buddhist sangha which you enjoy attending. It could be such a positive center of both spiritual and social things in your life. I also realized this more deeply when I met with a Zen sangha after I had not been to any Buddhist center for over a year. The change was quite extraordinary! I can get information and emotional things from Buddhist teachers and fellow Buddhist sangha members which I could not get from myself.

Different human communities have different definitions of "success": for one community, "success" is simply having a regular job; for another community, "success" is having a summer home in the Hamptons; and in a Buddhist community, "success" is usually being able to get through meditation retreats without much trouble and being knowledgeable about the Dharma. So ultimately, I guess what Buddhism has to say about "success" is that it is empty: it can be defined in infinitely different ways by different people. It is not any one fixed, absolute thing, and one person's "success" can be another person's "failure."

So please don't remain somewhere where you are always sad and lonely! Move somewhere where you are near positive Buddhists who will support your less-materialistic goals. I wish you good luck.

Gwenn Dana wrote:I was just pondering why people would make them who view them as something to "get through without much trouble", and whether in that attitude doing something else might not be more useful anyway.

So in your opinion, only people who are as flexible as gymnasts should do retreats? Because for them, sitting cross-legged is easy and the word "trouble" has never crossed their minds in relation to it.

Luke wrote:So in your opinion, only people who are as flexible as gymnasts should do retreats? Because for them, sitting cross-legged is easy and the word "trouble" has never crossed their minds in relation to it.

No. But now at least I know what you mean with "trouble". Maybe chairs would really be better.

Institutional Buddhism would say - "give us some money so that your success will continue."An honest teacher might say - "use your success to benefit others."A yogi might say - "Even though it seems I have nothing I am in fact rich enough. Whereas you only think you have success. Your success is just temporary!"

The Blessed One said:

"What is the All? Simply the eye & forms, ear & sounds, nose & aromas, tongue & flavors, body & tactile sensations, intellect & ideas. This, monks, is called the All. Anyone who would say, 'Repudiating this All, I will describe another,' if questioned on what exactly might be the grounds for his statement, would be unable to explain, and furthermore, would be put to grief. Why? Because it lies beyond range." Sabba Sutta.

Luke wrote:So in your opinion, only people who are as flexible as gymnasts should do retreats? Because for them, sitting cross-legged is easy and the word "trouble" has never crossed their minds in relation to it.

No. But now at least I know what you mean with "trouble". Maybe chairs would really be better.

I actually think that for a lot of meditators, the "posing" can cause mental distraction, and too much thinking about meditating rather than actually meditation. Personally, my best meditations have been lying down, because I have a curved spine, so when I am really relaxed sitting it causes me to fall over.

If you´re only aware that you´re aware there´s nothing left to "achieve". Do you call that "success"?

Sure, you can go on to explore the world, explore phenomena, be that inner fire, extend that to meridians, practice an art, just be, meet people, basically whatever you want, with "want" being more like "see what comes".

But how do you want to define success, when there is nothing left to "achieve", but you´re only exploring?