What would YOU do?

Sarah - posted on 01/04/2011
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My best friend has a 9 month old son who weighs approx 22lbs & she just bought him a brand new car seat. The only problem with the car seat is that it's a forward facing only seat & she's already installed it & using it. We live in Texas & here the law says 20lbs AND 1 year before turning them around.

I'm an extended rear-facer mom (my son is 15 months & will be rear-facing for as long as possible). I don't want to be THAT mom who pushes her beliefs & opinions onto someone else. But, at the same time I just want my best friend's baby to be safe...plus it's against the law to forward face him. How do approach the subject? Do I just not say anything? Even though she's my best friend, I still feel weird about talking to her about this.

Limos would only be okay if they also had 5 point harnesses, which is far safer than a simple seat belt. The law in Alberta is 1 AND 20 lbs. Zach is well over 1 now, but still under 20 lbs, so much to his father's dismay, he remains rear-facing. Even though, because of his age, we probably could get away with turning him around, because I doubt in a random carseat check that they're going to weigh him to make sure he's over 20 lbs. But he's fine rear-facing, he's safer, so why rush to turn him around?If your child outgrows the seat before a year, you buy a bigger seat, it's that simple. They now have seats that go up to 45 lbs. rear-facing. If your child is over 45 lbs before a year, you have a bigger problem than your carseat! If you can't afford a better carseat, there are places to get one for free. I think here the health units and some community agencies will give you a free carseat if you really can't afford one. Really, there's just no excuse for risking your child's safety.

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Bondlets - posted on 04/14/2011

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Sarah - Good for you for at least trying. There are some people who will not listen no matter who talks to them. I offered to buy a friend two convertible carseats for her very small boys whom she turned FF at just 9mo; she refused. We do what we can and hope an accident doesn't occur.

Your her bestfriend.Just say it to her like you would talk to her any other day.I am sure she won't have a problem with you being concerned etc.Just don't make it an issue and you won't feel uncomfortable then.

Here's a little update. I ended up speaking to my friend about this & sharing all the research that I knew with her. Unfortunately, she kept him FF at only 9 months. Anyway, He's now 13 months old & has been FF for about 4 months now. :( I was thinking about posting the new AAP RF recommendations (about keeping your child RF til at least 2) on facebook, but I at the same time I don't want her to feel like I'm shoving it in her face. Technically now that he's 13 months old at almost 25lbs, it's legal for him to be FF now.

i dont know how 23lbs is to big to RF my 20 month old is 23lbs 32in and still RF sometimes the people at the fire dept have no clue most car seats RF to 35-45lbs and as long as they have 1in above their heads they are not to long

i dont know how 23lbs is to big to RF my 20 month old is 23lbs 32in and still RF sometimes the people at the fire dept have no clue most car seats RF to 35-45lbs and as long as they have 1in above their heads they are not to long

I wish they'd change the law here too, because my husband keeps arguing with me about turning Zach around! Fortunately (for this argument anyways, maybe bad in other ways) he's still under 20 lbs. at 16 months, so I win. :P There are carseats that go up to 45 lbs. rear-facing and as for the height limit, unless your child is so tall that their head is at or over the top of the seat, the height limit is a guideline, not a requirement.

actually deanna everything i could find on missouri says nothing about rear facing. this shows the current laws and it states that 3 years and younger must be in a child restraint; all children who weigh less than 40 pounds must be in a CR; 4 through 7 years who weigh at least 40 pounds but less than 80 pounds and who are 4'9" or shorter must be in either a CR or booster seat; children 4 years and older who weigh at least 80 pounds or who are at least 4'9" tall must be in either a booster seat or safety belt.

Here in Aus, you aren't "legally allowed" to put your child forward facing before 6 months. However, if your child outweighs the recommended weight limit for your specific seat, then that over rides the law. My daughter was forward facing 3 weeks before she was 6 months.

"I wish they would hurry up and change the law in the US to rear facing till 2yrs old already. My pediatrician hands out pamphlets recommending rear facing till 3 yrs old, with a minimum of 2yrs old."

Wow. I have a pretty big convertible carseat, and I can't imagine trying to get him in it, rear facing, at 2, let alone now at 36 pounds and 39 inches tall. I'm pretty sure the rear facing weight limit on mine was 35 pounds, which he's been hovering around since about 1.5 years.

And after checking, my carseat's weight limit is pretty typical. They seem to range from 35-40.

My 2 year old was 23 lbs and 11 1/2 months when she went in to a front facing car seat. I went to the fire department and had a discussion with the chief. He said that she was way to big for a rear facing car seat and that it was a good idea to turn her for her own safety. She was too tall and to big (weight wise) to ride safely in a rear facing car seat. My 2nd daughter is 10months (will be 11 months on jan 12) she weighs 23 pounds. I know she is to young. She isnt as tall as my oldest daughter either. So when she turns 11 months I will go to the fire department and get their opinion so that way I know my child is safe and if I need to get another car seat I will. You can go to the health department and get a free car-seat as well. (in VA) My opinion would be to recommend her go to the fire department and have them tell her what they think and maybe she will do what needs to be done. If she doesnt then let her find out the hard way. If you call the cops and she gets pulled over she can get charged with endangerment to a child and she could lose her child if a social worker was notified so be careful with what you do cause I am sure if you get her child taken away she wouldnt forgive you and you would feel bad. But that is my opinion. Just have a sit down with her and tell her your thoughts and the consequences that could happen from her poor choices and tell her the different things she can do. Well I wish you the best of luck.

well this is a tough one, because I too had an above-average sized baby that would not fit into things meant for his age, so I too had to upgrade to forward facing a lil quicker than I should have. But sometimes that happens. In the case of my son, he was not only heavier than most babies his age, but he was also much longer, so rear facing was not an option until he was 1yr old. I dont know all the specifics such as the length of baby, her personality n such, but like everyone else said, just mention it to her that it is against the law. Maybe you can approach the subject by saying something like "hey I don't know if you knew this or not, but apparently babies need to be in rear facing seats until they are 20+ pounds AND 1 year old. I thought it was one or the other' or something like that...that way it doesnt look like you're being condescending or pushy. As for calling the police when you know she's going out, well in my opinion thats just low. I'm sure you wouldnt appreciate someone calling the cops on you for doing something, even if it was illegal. She is a parent, just like you, and therefore, has every right to raise her child as she sees fit, just like you do. You definately should bring it up, though to at least make sure she's aware that this is a law. If after being told that what shes doing is against the law, she continues, well let that be on her. Let her get caught on her own, or i hate to say it, but suffer the consequences be they from an accident or some other means. Parenting is a funny thing, and women are even funnier when it comes to their kids. Having a friend basically get you in trouble like that, with the law, or have them trying to tell you how to care for your kids while driving can make us see a lil red...We dont see the real meaning behind the advice, like in your case you have the child's safety and well being, but also mom's well being in mind. You dont want either to get hurt or in trouble. But if you take it further than just the convo, like calling the cops when she's about to leave, and she finds out, that could be the end of your friendship, either temporarily or permanently. But again, this is only my opinion, if you feel like you need to conact authorities on her, then so be it, but just know that all actions have an equal and opposite reaction..... Just be prepared... Good luck! :)

**UPDATE: So my best friend & I took our boys for a walk in the park yesterday afternoon, so I brought it up then.

I told her the law in Texas was 20lbs AND 1 year & she told me she was unaware of the this law. She thought as long as he met the height & weight requirements, then he would be fine. She felt terrible. :( The car seat was actually given as a gift by her parents.

I suggested that she go out & buy a convertible car seat to use until he's AT LEAST a year. Then once she feels comfortable, go ahead & switch him to the forward-facing car seat & possibly use her other convertible car seat when she has her next child. (If it hasn't expired of course). She knows I'm big on rear-facing & after telling her all about the research & statistics I've looked at, I think she is going to turn him back around. :)

Sherri, I agree with you. I wish the US would change the law to AT LEAST 2 years old.

Talk to her and let her know it's not safe and it's against the law. I had to put my daughters seat forward facing the other day because I can not get it installed right rear facing in our tiny car. I am not happy about this at all, so much so that I have been staying home this week so I don't have to drive with her like that. I am going to try the fire department again and see if they can help me out and if not, we are going to be looking at getting a different convertible car seat.

@Kate and Becky, the only reason why I mentioned limos (as a joke) was because of Julianne's comment which was, "why don't we just make backseats in general rear facing." Part of the back seats in a limo are rear facing.

i just want to respond to what krista wrote in response to what kelly wrote....it wasnt until this month that the laws changed...up until then children 20 pounds could go inforward facing seats. I dont think its necessary to attack some one if you dont fully know all the laws. Keep in mind that when t come to many many things province to province iis different...dont make assumtion unless you know for sure and dont respond to people as if they are stupid. As for the main conversation, i think that maybe you should try to casually bring it up as "somthing you heard about" and maybe recommend she look into it further with you thhat way she wont feel attacked and it will appear as if you are wanting to know more too. I think its all a matter of how you word things in order to adress the issue with out upsetting your friend. Best of Luck

I read the MTO website as well Bonnie, but in all the paperwork I received when Gray was born it stated 20lbs AND one year. It wasn't a recommendation, it was required. I'm not certain why there is a discrepancy in the information, but I am not having any luck getting through to speak to anyone to clarify it.

I'm wondering if she bought the car seat not realizing that it was forward facing only. We've talked a lot in the past about car seats & she knows how I feel about extended rear-facing. I'm surprised that she went ahead & turned him around at only 9 months. I guess she's just not aware of the law. We are meeting up later today to walk in the park with our boys, so I will bring it up then.

Thanks for the input everyone. :) I know car seats can be a hot topic & I *wish* more people would follow recommendations & keep their child rear-facing as long as possible. But, that's just my opinion. :) To each their own.

well this is a hot topic. tell me someone what you are to o if the child is too tall for the seat over the poundage but not over one? and on the subject of car seats does anyone realize that if you put covers on the straps of the car as to not have them in the infants neck you can not claim the car seat in an accident. now if the car seat come with them you are ok. All carseats that have EVER been oin an accident should be destroyed, even a fender-bender. check the manual always. straps are suppose to go below the shoulders of a child.

Interesting question! Laws are different in each state but you are correct on Texas law. In Colorado, she would be illegal as well but in other states she would not be. At 22 pounds, however, I really wouldn't be too concerned. But, if she's your best friend, you could say something like "didn't our laws just change? I wanna be sure your not gonna get in trouble by putting the baby in a front facing car seat too soon" and see what she says. If she gets at all defensive, I'd leave it alone but maybe she doesn't realize and you'd bring it to her attention.

wow 9 months that's young to be ff. It's all about the neck muscles not being developed and strong enough to withstand the force of an accident. This can cause internal decapitation. She's your best friend, you should be able to talk to her about anything. I could tell my best friend she's a stupid mole and she'd still love me.

Well my son was 11 months and I have no idea how much he weighed when I turned his seat. I may or may not be a neglectful parent but not owning a scale it shall remain a mystery. The straps fit perfectly (without a jacket) and I felt confident in my level of risk. I don't feel bad about it one bit.

the seats need to meet regulations, as of 3 days ago the rules changed in weight for rear facing and weight for boosters, it went from 20lbs to 22lbs. They will no longer sell infant seats that allow you to change at 20lbs. The old seats are still going to be aloud, but regulations are updated to 22lbs along with the change in carseats.