Everything You Need To Know About Tantric Sex

How One Ancient Practice Can Radically Improve Your Bedroom Life

Usually when you consider a new age type of approach to sexuality and getting it on, your vision automatically visions with thoughts of crazy yoga poses and chanting, and your nostrils flare, anticipating the incense and fragrant candles, all while an experimental film is playing in the background. But the thing about a mindful approach to making love, having orgasms and mutually pleasuring yourself and your partner is that it doesn’t have to feel completely out of your element or your normal routine.

In fact, when defined in its simplest form, tantric sex merely means to mold together different energies — meaning, those vibes you're giving and the ones your lucky lady is sending off your way. And while that doesn't necessarily mean pheromones, tantric sex’s benefits extend far beyond your romp sessions and can actually not only bring you closer together as a couple, but lead you to a path of heightened happiness, contentment and connection to your daily life.

Still not sold? No problem. Get ready to learn everything you need to know about tantric sex — straight from the experts who have studied its ancient practices extensively.

1. What Is Tantric Sex?

If your girlfriend has talked you into attending her weekly yoga class (hello, black leggings and downward dog!), then you’ve likely experienced some chanting and heard sanskrit. Though not the exact same thing, tantric sex does have a rich history and promotes thinking along with that pounding that you enjoy during intercourse, foreplay and flirting. It's kind of a ‘take a deep breath and take it slow’ approach to pleasure, and while that might not always be your flavor or speed, it can change the fundamental way you perform sexually. “Tantra is a Sanskrit word literally meaning ‘loom, warp, weave.’ The term ‘Tantra’ after about 500 BCE, in Buddhism, Hinduism and Jainism is a bibliographic category, just like the word Sutra (which means ‘sewing together’, mirroring the metaphor of ‘weaving together’ implied by Tantra). In the context of sex magic, it brings together these elements into the ‘weaving together’ of the sex partners,” sex expert and commentator, Coleen Singer says.

She adds: “It's a slow form of sex that's said to increase intimacy and create a mind-body connection that can lead to powerful orgasms. It's also deeply rooted in sex magic and spirituality and brings a new depth to couples practicing it. Tantric texts state that sexual activity can have three separate and distinct purposes: procreation, pleasure and liberation.”

Tantric sex can also be called many things, depending on who you talk to or how you decide to practice. Some of these iterations include neotantra or navaratna, but they all promote the same idea: The more in-tune you are with not only your own body, but the sensations you're feeling and the vibrations your partner is sending through her body, the better of an experience it will be. And — bare with us here — but some who practice tantra don't even have sex, but are actually celibate, as they celebrate the life that comes from sex, instead of indulging in its fetishes.

Patricia Johnson and Mark Michaels, co-authors of Designer Relationships, Partners in Passion, Great Sex Made Simple, Tantra For Erotic Empowerment and The Essence of Tantric Sexuality note that defining tantra isn’t an easy task, since it's a diverse and spiritual tradition. “ Tantra is an ancient Indian tradition that recognizes sexual energy as a source of personal and spiritual empowerment. It's important to understand that sexual energy may or may not imply sexual activity. The underlying idea is that sexual energy is the life force; it's what brought us into the world; and it's one of the most powerful motivators in our lives,” they explain. “The more we can recognize and embrace this life force, the more fully human and empowered we will be.”

One final way to consider tantra is to consider the consciousness that comes when you fully embrace who you are, your desires and the motivators around you, instead of worrying wholeheartedly about orgasming or how ‘good’ you are in bed “It isn’t a technique that makes your sexual experiences “Tantric,” rather, it's a shift in attitude, and this is achieved by prolonging arousal and bringing as much awareness as you can to the activity,” Johnson and Michael explain.

2. Will I Enjoy Tantric Sex?

In addition to a heightened sense of self, a better understanding of the world around you and allowing your sex life to grow beyond your naked bodies rubbing together and actually sharing a brain wave, tantric sex has easier-to-understand practical purposes, too. As psychologist, relationship exert and author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life, Antonia Hall, MA explains: Through Tantric sexual practices, one can learn to cultivate their inherent sexual energy using breath, muscle control and movement of energy throughout the body to allow for deeply heightened pleasure. Both men and women can use the tools of Tantric sex to become multi-orgasmic and have mind-bending full-body orgasms.”

By talking to your partner about your desire to introduce tantric sex into your naughty repertoire, you're displaying a commitment to enhancing your sexual life for the better. While we’ll talk about discussing tantra later, Hall notes, “[Tantra] will transform your sex life and take it to new heights. Nothing is off limits in Tantra as long as both people feel good about the encounters. That freedom combined with the tools of Tantra will keep you enjoying multi-orgasmic blissful sex with your partner and open up whole new worlds to you both.”

And one last thing? Repeat after us — it's not crazy, "new-age" or strange to want to try out tantra. “it's often perceived as exotic and either too silly or too esoteric to be of interest or of value to ordinary people. This is unfortunate because developing a Tantric approach to living can be beneficial regardless of your belief system, and this approach can be employed in a variety of contexts, not just in the bedroom,” Johnson and Michaels says.

3. What Are The Benefits Of Tantric Sex?

From what it does for your relationship to your satisfaction with your sex life and overall self-confidence and center of gravity, there are boundless benefits of practicing tantra sex. Here, experts name just a few:

A Stronger, Happier Relationship

“Couples who explore and practice Tantric sex often report deepened feelings of intimacy, and an ability to overcome issues better than before. Eye contact, syncing up breath, and more awareness of your partner can help bring your relationship to a new depth and range,” Singer says.

Learning To Love Your Partner Fully

“The Tantric notion of worshipping one’s partner as an embodiment of a god or goddess in a ritual setting is something that can be applied in all aspects of everyday life and can be useful for contemporary couples. It takes very little to remember that the person you love is someone worthy of being honored and respected. This can be particularly valuable when things are a little rough. We like to say that an especially rich and fruitful time to do this is when one or the other of us is ‘being a butt,’” Johnson and Michael say.

Longer, Better (And Multiple) Orgasms

“Becoming multi-orgasmic is life changing. Men gain control few have experienced before. It's like becoming a sexual superhero. you will learn to move your energy through your body to have hands-off orgasms. The body is wired for all of this, but few of us have experienced it, and once you learn how you will have those skills for life. It allows for incredible full-body orgasms and multiple orgasms, which can leave you feeling really charged up and in the zone. It can also lead to powerful healing and experiences of transcendence. And when two people both have these skills and practice it together — wow! It's a whole other level of sex,” Hall says.

4. How To Talk To Your Partner About Tantric Sex

Lastly and probably most importantly, opening up the dialogue toward tantric practices is essential to making the experience mutually beneficial and life-changing. Having a conversation with your partner should never be about being dissatisfied, but rather, your truly desire to make your sex life everything it can (and should!) be for both of you. As with any conversation, approach it with an open heart and a kind tone.

“For many people, the hardest part is opening the conversation. So it's good to get into the habit of talking about sex in general. It's also important to be able to express to one another all the ways you are happy with your erotic life together, right now. Far too often opening a conversation about sexual exploration can come across as criticism or send the message that you're not sexually satisfied. It's important to focus on what’s positive, and move to the idea of exploration from the perspective of abundance not lack. ‘Things are so great, I was thinking it might be interesting to explore something new and expand our horizons, what do you think about that?’” Johnson and Michaels explain.

Once your partner is intrigued, consider explaining to them how you hope tantric sex can be a journey for both of you to enjoy and something you work on together to make better, exciting and well, fun. After all, you're making an investment in the longevity of your sexual appetite, your relationship’s strength and your bond to one another. “Tantric Sex is a vast and complex practice that requires a great deal of learning, communication and regular practice to reap its benefits. But, if you are able to stick with it, it can be one of the most mind-blowing and satisfying sexual journeys you and your partner will ever experience,” Singer says.

5. Tips To Get Started With Tantric Sex

After practicing the pre-sex recommendations above, you might be ready to begin intercourse and sexual positions tied to tantra. With anything that's new and requires understanding, take your time, have patience and don't be too hard on yourself. “As tantric sex involves everything from learning Yoga positions, to breath synchronization, to orgasm control, a goodly amount of exploration is needed to learn the tricks of the trade,” Singer explains. “Again, tutorial videos are an excellent way to get started, and by watching them together, you can try out each technique after hitting the pause button!”

Tantra is about acceptance and definitely not about speed, so allow yourself to be vulnerable and open-minded as you approach this new (yet, old) sexual frontier:

Exercise Regularly

Well, this isn’t a position, but it is an important note. “As many of the positions and activities involved in tantric sex are either yoga poses or somewhat physically strenuous, you probably want to also be doing daily workouts and exercise to stay limbered up!,” Singer says.

Set Up Your Space

“One other important factor beyond positions is setting up the space. You don't need to create a sacred temple, but it's very helpful to set the visual and auditory tone by lighting some candles, perhaps burning some incense and playing some appropriate music, such as the classics of Ravi Shankar,” Singer recommends.

Yab Yum

“This classic Tantric position can be easily adapted, so don't write this one off if you aren't currently in perfect yogi shape. The man can sit either crossed legged or with his legs outstretched, or he can sit at the end of the bed or on a couch. The woman sits on his lap, facing him,” Hall explains. “This is a wonderfully intimate position, in which a couple can look into each other's eyes, kiss deeply, synchronize their breathing and connect deeply. It also offers her great G-spot stimulation and the opportunity to set the pace. Men tend to last longer in this position, as well.”

Tortoise Position

“The woman sits on her partner's lap. Her partner places their mouth, arms and legs exactly touching the corresponding parts of her body. This position helps to circulate and exchange energy. It's said to hold one of the secrets to longevity,” Hall says.

Mounted Yantra

The woman is lying on her back with a leg on each of her partner's shoulders. This allows for deep penetration and good use of thrusting techniques recommended in the Tantric texts,” Hall says. “It also offers great A-spot stimulation for some deeply fulfilling orgasms for her.”

6. What's The History Of Tantric Sex?

Like with anything that was derived thousands of years ago, the nitty-gritty details over how tantric sex came to be is lengthy, complicated and ripe with fascinating information. One thing though that's for sure though: If people have been excitedly incorporating it into their lives for this long, it's worth at least a dabble on your part to see if it's worth the hype.

“Tantra is complicated; its history is the subject of scholarly debate, and it was suppressed in its country of origin for centuries. Tantric sex most likely had its origins in South Asia during the first few centuries of the Common Era, though its roots are more ancient. In its earliest form, Tantric sex was most likely practiced in a ritual setting, with possession by powerful spirits as the objective,” Johnson and Michaels explain. “As the tradition evolved, ritualized sexual activity became more focused on mysticism and spiritual experience. Modern ‘Tantric’ sexual practices draw on these traditional aspects in varying degrees, often incorporating material from other traditions and sources from the Kama Sutra (which is actually a sex and love manual not a Tantric text).”

Singer adds that within advanced Hindu, Buddhist and other religious practices throughout Asia, the earliest practices of tantric sex might have been a method of generating bodily fluids as an offering to tantric deities. (Let that sink in for a while so you understand.) “The rituals may also have evolved from clan initiation ceremonies. “Neotantra” was recently imported into the West and is at least partly divorced from its religious roots. It's also known as ‘modern tantra’. Neotantra is primarily viewed as a collection of sexual practices including sexual intercourse. Practitioners' goals typically include increased intimacy and a delayed and more powerful orgasm for themselves and their partner,” Singer says.

7. What Are Some Other Ways To Experience Tantric Sex?

Remember that part about people who practice tantra but don't actually engage in sexual intercourse? That's because when you weld together a variety of sexual energies, you don't actually have to be in the midst of sexual activity to reap the benefits. Though it might seem counterintuitive, those who are deeply invested and master practitioners of tantra even believe that you can have an orgasm without touching your partner. Here, the experts offer some other ways to experience tantric sex without the well, sex:

Erotic Massage

Hall says that when you're first getting started with tantra, one way to start listening to your mind over your sexual impulses is to remember your breath work. This will help you understand the flows or oxygen and actually feel your body as it goes through stages of eroticism. “The breath is key to Tantric practices and so the more familiar you are with those, the easier it'll be to implement more techniques and expand your pleasure and repertoire,” Hall says. “Relax and don't have expectations other than to experience more pleasure. Sexuality is a mental process more than anything else, so if you're too in your head about it you will trip yourself up. Breathe and enjoy the exploration.”

You can then be more accurately prepared to see the subtle changes in your partner’s breath while you give them a massage. Instead of focusing on what you hope comes after the massage, Hall says to take that off the table and just focus on every single movement of your partner as you massage them. Encourage them to zero-in on how your hands feel on their body, what feels good and what is painful, and to let it be a relaxing (almost to the point of falling asleep) experience. And hey, if you want to do it naked, go for it — just don't rush the sex, or have it all. It's more about feeling than experiencing. “In Tantra, you really do benefit from withholding your orgasm. Supporting each other’s ‘out-of-orgasm’ launch into the cosmos helps us in remembering that giving is once again better than receiving,” Singer says.

Foreplay

You might be accurate to say that tantra itself is one extended foreplay with some pretty amazing benefits (more on that later), and you’d be partly right. Because tantra sex is a slower burn type of activity, you may experience longer periods of being aroused and because of this, sex becomes more intense and enjoyable.

“Most sexual encounters are brief, and most orgasms last only a few seconds. In Tantric sexual ritual, arousal is built and extended for the purpose of producing altered states of consciousness. By prolonging arousal, it's possible to reach these states well before orgasm and for them to last far longer. Doing so is very healthy for the mind, body, and emotions,” Johnson and Michaels say. “Most people fail to explore and expand to their fullest erotic potential. We have yet to find the limits to human pleasure. Sexual adventuring is one of the best ways to deepen your connection with your beloved and practices derived from Tantra provide some of the best approaches and techniques to awaken your awareness.”

Meditation

Spend some time in your own thoughts and within your body, as a solo act or while sitting in a room with your partner, Singer says. Practicing tantra can begin with meditation and end with multi-orgasms that last far longer than the quick-fire ones, but the perks of mindfulness extend way beyond. “The biggest misconception about Tantra is that it's solely a sexual practice. In actuality, the spirit of Tantra implies that ordinary activities and enjoyments such as eating, playing, writing, and sex are seen as imbued with sacredness and spirituality,” Singer says.