One of the extras from Dazed and Confused shows Steve Novak the true meaning of "Blurred Lines"

A very drunk Kevin McHale struggles to remember the next play

"Next year....next year we'll get Wiggins and things will be so much better"

Andray Blatche wearing the same number as his made field goals from the night.

"Maybe we could have won if I could actually see the damn court!"

Little Bigfoot a.k.a. the Artist Formerly Known as Usher teaches Kyrie the ways of the American Indian.

Miami Heat: I don't know if it's a Championship hangover....or just a hangover period, but the Heat and the Sixers must have switched game plans before tip off because last night we saw one team make a statement while the other grew one step closer to the Wiggins sweep stakes!

Having the vibe of something out of a David Lynch film, the Sixers ran out to a 23-2 lead (not a typo) before showing the Heat a little mercy and letting the quarter end with "only" a 33-14 advantage.

But just when the going got tough for the Heat, the Heat got going. Pouring it on with 35 points in the 2nd quarter, followed by a blistering 45 point performance in the 3rd (matching what feels like the Grizzlies total scoring output for the season) all momentum swung in the Heat's favor. Instead of the local Philly fans partying like it's 1999...they merely looked like they hadn't partied since 1999.

And then the local heads at Disney got together and thought "Wouldn't this make for a great story to have one of the biggest regular season upsets in NBA history?" and with the wave of a wand the Sixers got a second wind and held Miami to just 16 points in the fourth while scoring 29 themselves leading to a 114-110 victory. (Because as you all know, Disney controls everything.)

The thing is, it wasn't even like the Heat played terrible. They shot 50% from the field, managed 25 and 13 (assists) from LeBron, had 6 players hit double figures, yada yada yada....but when you've got Michael Carter-Williams on the other end, you know you're going to have your hands full.

The Heat blew a 94-85 lead heading into the fourth as Wade's knee injuries continue to pile up.

"We're a comfortable team, we always feel like we can win a game," James said.

Except for tonight.

Stunt Doubles for the Actual Los Angeles Lakers: It felt like only yesterday the Lakers were the talk of the league with a shocking win over the remodeled Clippers team. Gutsy performances from all kinds of players whose parents probably weren't even aware that they were in the NBA let alone the average fan.

But that other pesky team from California brushed aside a crappy preseason to show who's boss. Klay Thompson was in Stephen Curry 2K14 mode ripping off 38 points on 15-19 shooting. I mean if I was playing someone in 2K14 and they had a player shoot 15-19 I would just turn off the game, no questions asked.

The Lakers only managed 39% shooting which wasn't helped by poor shooting from their savvy veterans (Steve Blake 4-13) and savvy fools (Nick Young 2-9....I want Kobe to come back soon so he can long for the days of Smush Parker when he sees Young willing to takes shots at his own basket just get his field goal attempts up).

Memphis Grizzlies: New coach, the return of one of the goofiest looking players in the league who loves to give away money and the sweet dish of revenge from a brutal sweep at the hands of the Spurs this past spring.

But what started off the "grit and grind" mantra for the Grizzlies quickly turned into "we suck and we don't mind" as Memphis managed just 7 points in the 2nd quarter. Have I mentioned that was the lowest second quarter output in franchise history and 3rd worst quarter output of all time?

On the flipside, Kawhi kept doing Kawhi like things, who should be in for another strong season.

Pop was even happy with Boris Diaw's aggressiveness (and not just at the drive through lane) of all people.

"He went and talked to a guru in India or something," Popovich said. "I
don't know what he did, but he catches and shoots now. I got nothing to
do with it. I've been begging him since he got here. His previous
coaches have begged him. All of a sudden he's a catch-and-shoot guy.
It's continued and we're happy about it."

A guru in India, eh? Can't wait to see what his White Album sounds like.

Zach Randolph's kryptonite completely shut him down again (all hail Lord Bonner) as he was held to just 1-6 shooting, probably thinking the WCF was still going on.

"They had a good playoff series against us last season, they swept us
and did a good job," Randolph said. "But tonight was one of those
nights; just one of those nights."

Something tells me he might be saying that 81 more times this year.

A very forgettable performance for Memphis who looked completely discombobulated out there facing the Spurs B team most of the night.

As if things weren't bad enough, check out the Grizzlies opening night win-loss record since moving to the Elvis state in 2001:

Ladies and Gentlemen, 0-13 the longest opening night losing streak in professional sports history.

Can't wait till next year!

Brooklyn Njets: Oh man oh man oh man. Where to even begin. It seems like every time we anoint a team as the next Heat stoppers they proceed to crap the bed when no one is looking.

After all the hoopla of combining forces with the Celtics to form a..uh..superteam of their own, the Nets looked slow, old, and outmatched in crunch time. A lot like the Celtics of last year!

Pierce and Garnett weren't too bad at all, combining for 9-16 shooting...it's just you know, those other guys like Alan Anderson (4-11, inexplicably taking more shots than both Garnett and Pierce) Deron Williams (2-6, I guess he's already handed the keys over to the new guys?) and Joe Johnson (3-10, inexplicably one of the highest paid players of our time) that really make you wonder what the hell is going on with this team.

It wasn't even like they were playing an NBA power house, they were playing the Cadavers for pete's sake!

Hell, Cleveland felt so bad for beating up on this team of nursing home residents that they trotted out the world's most expensive human victory cigar - Andrew Bynum!

Yes folks, 3 weeks sober from doing any form of Wii bowling, Bynumite made a cameo scoring more points in 8 minutes (3) than Andray Blatche and Shaun Livingston in 36 minutes combined (0!).

"Obviously it hurts but we have to go back and look at the reason why we
lost this game," Pierce said. "Throughout the course of the season we
have to understand it's always going to be about the little things. To
be a championship team, you have to clean those things up."

At this rate the only little things the Nets could be cleaning up are the plastic cups from their arena floor....in preparation for next season.

Raza! You dropped a an obscure White Album reference on us! I grovel before your greatness....

Look, the talk of the Nets as contenders has really pissed me off. Add double amputees Garnett and Pierce, plus the corpse of Jason Terry to a dysfunctional team with a chubby head-case point guard and you expect a contender? Really? It's an open question about which aspect of Jason Kidd's life will more greatly influence on his impressionable young guys: his legendary game, legendary nightlife, or legendary domestic situation. If the Nets had any young guys worth a crap this would concern the hell out of me.

OK, early season games mean little. But the Nets haven't proved crap. Until they show some dominance, we have to assume these guys are going to be sideshow freaks.

As an aside, the post-Utah performances of Boozer and Dee Ron lend greater luster the the reputation of one Jerry Sloan. But we did know that already.