LOLA: Lab, what do you think about sex?
LOLO: Well, at the age of 8, I ignored it.. at age 18, I experienced it.. at age 28, I was looking for it.. at the age of 48, I begged for it.. at the age of 68 I prayed for it..
& now at the age of 78…
Ano nga ulit pinaguusapan natin?

At an international beauty pageant..
INTERVIEWER: Ms. Spain, how do you describe a male organ in ur country?
MS. SPAIN: Like our very own Bullfight or Toro.
INTERVIEWER: How can you say so?
MS. SPAIN: Because it charges every time it sees an opening…
INTERVIEWER: Ms. Iran, how do you describe the male organ in ur country?
MS. IRAN: They are like thieves..
INTERVIEWER: Why so?
MS. IRAN: They like to enter through the back door…

Like this:

Rolling brownouts have hit Eastern Metro Manila. The government has apologized to the residents of the affected areas and vowed to immediately finish the ongoing “election dry run.”

* * * * *

4 insurance firms are in competition. One comes with the slogan, “coverage from cradle to grave.” 2nd one tries to improve on that with, “coverage from the womb to the tomb.” Not to be outdone, 3rd came up with, “from sperm to the worm.” 4th thought hard, came out with,”from erection to the resurrection.”

* * * * *

Child to pirate captain:
CHILD: Captain, how did u get a peg leg?
PIRATE: U c I am a pirate. I fell off me ship & a shark bit off my leg. Had a peg leg ever since.
CHILD: How about that hook?
PIRATE: U c I am pirate. I had a sword fight & it got cut off. Had a hook ever since.
CHILD: How about ur eye patch?
PIRATE: 1 day, I looked up at d sky & a bird crapped on my eye.
CHILD: You mean u got blinded just becos a bird crapped on ur eye?
PIRATE: No, child… it was my 1st day with d hook!

Poems In Bed MAN:
Two times two is four plus five is nine. I can pee in yours but you can’t pee in mine. WOMAN:
Two times two is four plus five is nine, I know the length of yours but you’ll never know the depth of mine.

How to speak about women… and be politically correct:
.. She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER – She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
.. She is not EASY – She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
.. She does not TEASE or FLIRT – She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.
.. She is not HORNY – She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
.. She is not a S_UT – She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
.. She is does not have BREAST IMPLANTS – She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.

One night wife play the national anthem while preparing for sex.
Hubby, “why are you playing this?”
Wife, “the whole country stands up when the anthem is played, let me see if it does any wonder for your dick.”

Henry Ford: “God, my invention is perfect.. you invented woman & there are many flaws.1. Front end is protuding.2. Rear end wobbles too much.3. At high speed, it chatters.4. Inlet is too close to exhaust.”
God replied, “You may be right but statistics show that more men are riding my invention than yours.”

* * * *

SENILITY PRAYER:God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. c”,)

* * * *

Men have two emotions…
HUNGRY and HORNY.
When you see him without an erection, make him a meal.