Thursday, September 2, 2010

The moment the slave resolves that he will no longer be a slave, his fetters fall. He frees himself and shows the way to others. Freedom and slavery are mental states.- Mahatma Gandhi

I haven't always been the person you see on this blog [and I have a long way to get to the person I want to become]. The truth is, there were many low points in my life where I felt like I was sentenced to an eternity of missed chances, and misfortunes. I was so unhappy with decisions I made in my life and the hurt others caused me, that I could never move forward because I couldn't forgive myself or them. I was ashamed of what my life had become and felt like I could never turn it around. I scoffed when people said "it's never too late", as I felt if they looked at my life they would change their giddy tune. In hindsight, the beauty is that all of my experiences have shaped the person I have become today.

Forgiveness is liberating. Whether you forgive yourself, or forgive others for causing you pain, you must forgive in order to move on to the next phase of your life. Holding on to pain and resentment only causes inner conflict which breeds a stagnant life-space. You have a choice this very minute to direct the flow of your life, you can steer your life towards peace, happiness, and fulfillment; or you can row your life down the stream of hurt, turmoil, and resentment. Trust, I have lived in the latter for quite some time and it is no fun.

When life gets you down, you have to keep pushing. When people let you down, you have to keep smiling. You cannot allow the normal flow of life to break your spirits. For life is a constant flow of experiences; some good, some bad. Find solace in knowing that wounds always heal, emotions subside, and clarity will most certainly resume.

How did I manage to overcome such pain? I was tired of fighting myself. Self inflicted wounds cut much deeper than those inflicted by others. I began to meditate, exercise, and live again. Instead of being a recluse in the confines of my "sanctuary" [it was anything but], I began to get out and interact. The more I focused on things other than my "misfortunes" the more fortunate I became. I'm still in the same tax bracket, live in the same apartment, drive the same car, and have the same amount of bills every month. The only change that happened was the rewiring of my mindset. I became less dependent on my external environment, and more focused on finding happiness within. This is why I always talk about the power of positive thought; choose your thoughts wisely. What you think, you will become.

Here are a few things I do to relieve stress and maintain continuity with my most positive self:

Meditate Twice Daily: I like to do this during sunrise, as it signifies rebirth and rejuvenation. Meditating first thing in the morning gives me the ability to start my morning off with a sense of calmness and mental clarity, it also helps ready my mind and heart to receive all the gifts the universe has to offer.

Meditating during sunset signifies my gratitude for the gifts of the day, as well as letting go of any stressful situations; I let my stress and anxiety go down with the setting of the sun. I normally meditate on a beautiful quiet hilltop and I position myself so that I am aligned with the sun, as it represents perfect beauty, and the constant flow of nature.

Exercise w/music: I take at least a 30 minute run to relieve stress. As it takes about 20-30 minutes for your body to release hormones such as epinephrine which helps lower your anxiety/stress levels.

Read: Here are a few books that I highly recommend. I refer to them when I need an extra boost or positive affirmations.

Very inspiring. Sometimes I need to be reminded that I am the captain of this ship and my destiny is up to me. Thanks for sharing how you steer your ship to happiness. Sometimes I feel like the only person without a compass but it's good to know that that is not true and there is a way to get back on course.

i'm not a subscriber and i'm not sure how i came across your blog but i have followed it religiously every day for about the last two months and i love it. I love the fact that you include healthy and delicious dishes, fun makeup tips and exciting fashion choices. I'm so glad you and your blog exist. oh! and i absolutely love this post! new jersey mom!

its like you are reading the script to my life...im learning to forgive and FORGET. life is sooo much better when there is peace. im learning..when you let it all go and keep growing its a beautiful thang! ...your blog is truly an inspiration. a friend told me about your blog and everytime i visit i feel refreshed and enlightened! im a blogger who wants to be like you when i grow up! keep working it my beautiful sista. your light is shining so awesomely bright. :)

Very powerful and eloquently put words =) I also just discovered your blog last week and I have also been reading it daily ever since. Soon as I figure out how, I will become a subscriber, for sure. Thank you for having the courage to honestly share your life and thoughts with us. There is no way I can tell you how inspiring you are, but please know that your own positivity is very encouraging to me. I have had those moments in life where I start to believe that I will never be happy because things just won't get good for me. Whether it is a beauty or hair post, or beautiful words of courage as above, your blog has become a new light in little world and for that I truly respect you. God bless you and I can't wait to keep reading more from you. oh, and I love that book writing suggestion someone made ;)

This is awesome!! I recently declared I was on a mind diet because the negative thoughts that rule my mind have become a bit to much. This and the recommended books really fit into that. I'm ready to get rid of fear and begin to live life the way I want and not according to what people think I should do. Thank you so much for this. I'm going to the book store tonight!!

OMG...were you talking to me when you wrote this?!...I have the biggest problem with forgiveness and resentment...i just refuse to do those things and i KNOW that the ONLY person hurting from it is me..I strongly believe that I am my own worse enemy...I really wish I could the positives out of life and NOT sweat the small stuff but that never seems to happen to me...THANKS MTM for this post...im definitely gonna make a more active role in changing my life

i truly thank you for this post. as i comment tears well in my eyes, but they are joyful in that i really needed this. now. today. i feel Blessed by this post, as it seems others have been as well looking at the above comments. God is truly working in you...keep on keep'n on!! :)

I can especially relate to the idea of a personal and isolated "sanctuary". It's very interesting how you reached a deeper part of yourself by opening yourself to the outside world. It reminds me of yoga. When I am too focused on not falling and on my body, then I loose control. When I keep calm and silent, and I sort of naturally fill the surrounding environment, still moving, then I keep the equilibrium. When you forgive and love the present, you are finally able to see beauty and to be open/ yourself in the best possible way.Thank you, I really wouldn't have thought about it without your words.

Thanks for the inspiration. The hustle and bustle of life is sweeping me away, and I need to hold on to the person I am striving to be in life. I am trying to be more loving to myself for I am my own worst critic, but it is a daily life lesson. Loving others is a little bit easier for me, but I am striving to truly appreciate them for who they are and not who I want them to be. Life is a journey filled with lessons, and I am trying to enjoy the road. Love & God Bless. ~Sweetsop

I have to agree with all the other comments so far on this post. It moved me deeply since just yesterday i found a little note i wrote to myself two years ago and it said: "forgive yourself". Now the timing is really right on spot, the situation i'm in just shouts for it. So a big Thank You! Also a big thank u for the whole blog. I don't know so many people with the same issues about hair, skin and mind. This could be because i don't really meet that many darker skinned people (btw i live in Switzerland which could explain a bit). So your blog was and still is a real live saver to me!Blessings from Winterthur

thank you for this post..it is truly encouraging for me. right now, in my life i am were you were..i have lost almost everything within the last 6months and life is truly difficult. this post encourages me and gives me the strength to push forth past this low point into a better future

i thank you for this post as well..i am going through difficult times ...worried that i am going to fail w/college...i was today already setting myself to fail......i know that its my fear and my emotions getting the best of me......i used to meditate...i missm it and i really should start back on it....thank you.....=)

You rock girl! I'm so happy that there positive minded people like you writing blogs. Hope as you read through these comments you are inspired to keep doing what you do. Thank you for this post. Much love from Uganda

Thank you for this post! It's my first time on your blog today and I absolutely LOVE IT! What you said is so true, we all experience the highs & lows of life, but that is okay because life is a process and although the difficult times can be really hard, they make us into better people! We have to think of ourselves as a piece of wood and the adversities of life are sandpaper...they are harsh and they rub us the wrong way a lot of the time but the end product is a smoother, more refined, more polished version of ourselves! :)

Thank you so much for this post. Forgiving myself and forgetting my mistakes fromt he past is something I am really struggling with currently. I generally am a very positive person but some things from the past I haven't gotten over. This post made me realize I am not the only one who has felt the way I do or who has had to stuggle with such things. Thank you for being such an inspiration in times of need. I really appreciate it! I'm thinking about getting one of the books you suggested to help me on this journey.

It's ALWAYS reaffirming to know I'm not the only one that's been where I've been. Self-hatred for things out of my control, unforgiviness, not being myself...all of those things have been visited before me and surely after me...I'm on the peek of getting to where you are in life but I'm on the right path!

Thanks for this post. It was a much needed reminder to me that I need to change my mind-set. Thanks for sharing your experiences. It helps me to ragain some hope and more importantly, some focus. Thanks so much!

Thank your for this post, it could not come at a better time in my life personally. Sometimes I really love when i hear from folks like yourself in the same boat as myself. I really thank you for opening up like that, I feel so reassured.

A big THANK YOU to everyone who commented on this post with such kind, inspiring words. And to everyone that can currently relate, please, please please keep going. The hardest part for me during that time was convincing myself that my unhappiness was due to my thought process/state of mind versus outside factors.

Exercise, read, think, indulge in meaningful activities, find a mentor; do something that inspires you to wake up and see life differently.

And I don't mind sharing my experiences, because I too thought I was the only one going through it, so I was too afraid at the time to ask for help. My goal here is to let you all know that if you keep pressing on, you will eventually make your way out of the darkness. I spent 10 years of my life trying to figure my way out of tunnel only to wake up one day and see the way out wasn't as far as I thought.

Again thank you, and if anyone wants to reach out to me on more of a personal level, feel free to send an email to: nikole@themoptopmaven.com

great advice, I would definitely check these books. I love your blog because its beyond 'look @ me and my amazing wordrop', showing us what is your latest style or expensive cloths. Its very holistic, beauty, art, fashion and life advice.

thank you so much for this. i love your blog. i had a car accident today. nothing major at all but it was stressing me and getting me down. something you said reminded me, problems come, i need to change how i look at it. an accident never seems positive but there's a blessing in everything that happens in your life. i need to put my big girl panties on and not let this get me down. i have insurance. nobody was hurt, airbags didn't even deply. this too shall pass. thanks sister!!!

by the way, i have the how of happiness and i'd like to also add how to get unstuck by dr. joy browne. it really helped me when i felt stuck. life can be good even when bad things pop up.

Oh, girl! You hit it right on the nose for me. I was tearing up as I read this. I have been having a rough 2 years and your post just gave me the encouragement I needed to stop wollowing in my sorrow and resentement and get back to a peaceful and happy life. Thanks so much for this

thank u for the words of encouragement. I was fired from a job a month ago and although I haven't been fired from a job in 16 years it was unsettling and finding another job is a stressful progress. this morning i was feeling really down and your post was what i needed. thank u so much!

Thank You for being so honest and encouraging...it is a blessing to see that you are so refreshing in your thinking so positive and honest when it comes to your journey so far... I read this at a perfect time because I am looking at my life to see how I can be more productive positive and happy so this blog encouraged me to continue striving for the woman I know I can be

Beautifully written. You have a knack for putting the trials and tribulations of life into a positive perspective. I am going through some things right now, as we all are. This very morning, I decided not to let bitterness or resentment dampen my spirits. I don't want to be a victim, I know that I am victorious, based on the fact that I woke up to a sunny morning.

Just what I needed. I'm glad I found this post. This was beautifully written and so encouraging. I'm promising myself that I will implement positive thought (I tend to obsess over the negative and I know it's detrimental) as well as meditation (I love yoga. I need to get back on the wagon). I'll check out those books as well.

I'm determined to be the happiest and best person I can be for myself and the people that truly care about me.