When a woman cannot leave her home to go to a concert with out the fear of being assaulted by an off duty police officer... I start to think we need a little more than feminism. When a judge lets the assailant walk and blames the victim, we are all at more risk. What that is, I do not know. But I am in a rage fog at the moment.

When a woman cannot leave her home to go to a concert with out the fear of being assaulted by an off duty police officer... I start to think we need a little more than feminism. When a judge lets the assailant walk and blames the victim, we are all at more risk. What that is, I do not know. But I am in a rage fog at the moment.

Holy shiitake. All the stuff the judge said.. I don't even know how to deal with that. What the fork.

_________________"I feel like it's not a real political discussion if I'm not morally opposed to something I don't understand." - ndpittman

Its particularly interesting that a female judge would tell a female victim that women shouldn't be in bars or public places and that she is lucky it wasn't worse. I assume that judge has been to bars herself, without having someone touch her genitals. I know I have.

_________________My oven is bigger on the inside, and it produces lots of wibbly wobbly, cake wakey... stuff. - The PoopieB.

This crasshole that services our dishwasher at work. He comes in and bluntly states "what did you do now, huh?", then tries to joke with my male coworker about how women can never fix anything. Luckily, said coworker is my good friend and not a jerk so he just ignores him, but I am so close to just reading that forking 300 page manual I downloaded one day when I couldn't bear to call him on one of my days off. Which is ridiculous, because we lease the machine, and are supposed to have free servicing always, my staff and I use it normally, and it's not our fault it's a piece of crepe.

When a woman cannot leave her home to go to a concert with out the fear of being assaulted by an off duty police officer... I start to think we need a little more than feminism. When a judge lets the assailant walk and blames the victim, we are all at more risk. What that is, I do not know. But I am in a rage fog at the moment.

Holy shiitake. All the stuff the judge said.. I don't even know how to deal with that. What the fork.

(WHAT????)Yes, totally!!!!!! "If you hadn't been there, nothing would have happened"... yessss... stupid victims. It's THEIR fault after all!!!!!!!!!

I take a lot of long walks, and I get honked at pretty frequently. This happens even in our leafy, quasi-suburban neighborhood, and it always upsets and startles me, because A. it's a loud, unexpected, uninvited intrusion on my personal time, space, and thoughts, and B. what the hell? Who does that, and why? Am I supposed to feel complimented? Threatened? Validated? Insulted? What? Or does it even matter what I feel? Exactly what is the motivation behind randomly honking your horn at a complete stranger?

And notice that this only happens when women are alone, or with other women; no one honks at a women who is walking with a man. So do these people imagine that by engaging in the simple act of walking somewhere, a woman is actively soliciting attention, or do they mean to notify her that she's...what? Attractive? Fair game for judgment, objectification, and unsolicited commentary? As a female with the temerity to leave my house and walk the public byways unescorted, this has been happening since I was a teenager - including the periods when I've been pushing a baby carriage - and it still continues to scare, confuse, and peas me off.

Its interesting, because your experience (and all of our experiences being hassled out in public) are like that of the victim in the Az case above. Its all being told that if something bad happens to you, its your own fault.

I told my husband that after being leered at by a guy working next door, I don't feel safe wearing my bathing suit and a cover-up to come home in, so I have to take the time at the pool to get dressed instead of just chucking L in the car-seat and going, which makes my trip that much more complicated. And his response was "Oh that's good. That'll show the guy that you don't want his attention." And proceeds to explain that most women dress to get guys to honk at them and pay attention.

My husband is an awesome guy and has a ton of female friends, so its a reminder of how deeply entrenched the patriarchal myth is that all women in a public space must be out there to lure a man, which has with it the corollary that if you don't want to lure a man, stay out of public spaces.

_________________My oven is bigger on the inside, and it produces lots of wibbly wobbly, cake wakey... stuff. - The PoopieB.

As a female with the temerity to leave my house and walk the public byways unescorted, this has been happening since I was a teenager - including the periods when I've been pushing a baby carriage - and it still continues to scare, confuse, and peas me off.

Yes. I couldn't believe this was still happening when I was hugely pregnant and now that I walk everywhere with my baby.

Its interesting, because your experience (and all of our experiences being hassled out in public) are like that of the victim in the Az case above. Its all being told that if something bad happens to you, its your own fault.

I told my husband that after being leered at by a guy working next door, I don't feel safe wearing my bathing suit and a cover-up to come home in, so I have to take the time at the pool to get dressed instead of just chucking L in the car-seat and going, which makes my trip that much more complicated. And his response was "Oh that's good. That'll show the guy that you don't want his attention." And proceeds to explain that most women dress to get guys to honk at them and pay attention.

My husband is an awesome guy and has a ton of female friends, so its a reminder of how deeply entrenched the patriarchal myth is that all women in a public space must be out there to lure a man, which has with it the corollary that if you don't want to lure a man, stay out of public spaces.

Its so weird how all this harassment is invisible. I was once in Newark airport in the line to get into the terminal for a flight to Europe, and this middle-aged white guy right behind me kept telling me how pretty I was and to "smile, you look prettier if you smile". I ignored him and when he wouldn't stop, I turned around and said "I am tired and not looking for a conversation. Please leave me alone." He started screaming about how I was an "ugly Indian bisque" and just a stream of horrible racist invective and that he wouldn't fork me with someone else's dick because I was so ugly. It was broad daylight and there were hundreds of people around us, including armed airport security personnel, but no one said anything. They just let him go on until he stopped and then we all continued as normal. And I didn't say anything either.

_________________My oven is bigger on the inside, and it produces lots of wibbly wobbly, cake wakey... stuff. - The PoopieB.

In the past two weeks there have been three reports of women getting assaulted on my campus right near the building where I work. A man comes up behind a woman or hides between cars in the parking lots and when the women pass by they grab their breasts. I don't need to explain to anyone here how infuriating and terrifying this is. I told my husband and he says "oh, these guys must be crazy". No, that's how much you don't get it. They don't have mental problems. This is what happens in a patriarchy.

The lab instructor for one of my classes refers to the entire group as "guys" and then pauses and goes "...and girls." Several things come to mind:

1) Why do the men get to be "guys" but the women have to be "girls," which I would personally only use to refer to children?2) Why can't people use gender-neutral terms, because this is leaving out anyone who would identify as neither guy nor girl? 3) I suppose it's good that he is trying, but it frustrates me.4) I am probably being pedantic.

_________________"I will rip out your IV and other roman numerals." - pandacookie"The one thing I would not do for Aubrey Plaza is harm a baby, by the way." - strawberryrock

The lab instructor for one of my classes refers to the entire group as "guys" and then pauses and goes "...and girls." Several things come to mind:

1) Why do the men get to be "guys" but the women have to be "girls," which I would personally only use to refer to children?2) Why can't people use gender-neutral terms, because this is leaving out anyone who would identify as neither guy nor girl? 3) I suppose it's good that he is trying, but it frustrates me.4) I am probably being pedantic.

Language matters. It reflects and shapes our realities. And the fact that the masculine is not only the default but that feminine inclusion often involves infantalizing women is forked the fork up.

_________________"I'd rather have dried catshit! I'd rather have astroturf! I'd rather have an igloo!"~Isa

"But really, anyone willing to dangle their baby in front of a crocodile is A-OK in my book."~SSD

The one that drives me crazy is "lady ____". I am not a lady (chemist, painter, mechanic). I'm just a chemist/painter/mechanic. Putting "lady" in front of it just tells me that you think I've gone beyond what you think is appropriate behavior for my gender.

The male cashier at the supermarket who said, "Wow, aren't you independent?!" in a mocking tone when I said I could just put the two small items I purchased in my purse instead of having him bag them for me. Geez guy, I was trying to make your life easier...

Its particularly interesting that a female judge would tell a female victim that women shouldn't be in bars or public places and that she is lucky it wasn't worse. I assume that judge has been to bars herself, without having someone touch her genitals. I know I have.

Maybe unconsciously, she realizes that she could have been that woman, that it could happen to any woman. But that is such a scary thought, that we make an excuse up to convince ourselves it couldn't happen randomly to innocent people. So we blame the victim for being at a certain place at a certain time. It helps ease our anxiety. Maybe.

This is a horrible case that really shows that rape is often used as a means to punish women who step out of line. Honestly, it is like terrorism - the use of violence against a few women to serve as a threat to intimidate or coerce all women to shut up.

Whenever I want to speak up or tell someone off, I have to ask myself what he'll do in retaliation....

ETA: Trigger warning

_________________My oven is bigger on the inside, and it produces lots of wibbly wobbly, cake wakey... stuff. - The PoopieB.

I was checking Amazon UK to see if Melisser's book was on sale there (it's apparently 99c in the US), and the other book the search turned up was called Friend or Faux: A Guide to Fussy Vegans, Crazy Cat Ladies, Creepy Clingers, Undercover Sluts, and Other Girls Who Will Quietly Destroy Your Life. I'm pretty sure it's meant to be non-fiction. I know you can't judge a book by its cover, but ffs. Then again, it looks like the author is usually a travel writer, so meh. Incidentally, the friend types are colour coded, and "The Fussy Vegan Friend" is "threat level red".

_________________A pie eating contest is a battle with no losers. - amandabear