How to Have an Affair

Begin by talking loosely about sensitive, private matters

“For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile:” (1 Peter 3:10)“If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man’s religion is vain.” (James 1:26)“He that keepeth his mouth keepeth his life: but he that openeth wide his lips shall have destruction.” (Proverbs 13:3)“And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell.” (James 3:6)

• It’s easier to have an inappropriate conversation via txt or facebook – the walls are down!
• Work slowly into talking about body parts & sensual actions – don’t just jump right in, it might scare them off
• The faster you master words with sexual ‘double meanings’ – the quicker you will have an affair

Surround yourself with mediocre Christians

“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10)“Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.” (Proverbs 27:17)

• Remember, a friend who flatters is a whole lot more fun than a friend that is honest! This type of friend will help to hide your affair! The last thing you want is somebody to make you feel guilty for having a little fun!

Good Example: David & Jonathan // Bad Example: Amnon & Jonadab“But Amnon had a friend, whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shimeah David’s brother: and Jonadab was a very subtil man.” (2 Samuel 13:3)

Schedule some free time alone

• Make time when you are accountable to no-one. If you never do this, you’ll never have ‘time’ for an affair.
• Browse the www long enough – you’ll find something you shouldn’t
• Watch TV late enough – you’ll watch something you shouldn’t
• Stay in the bookstore long enough – you’ll read something you shouldn’t
• Keep flipping through the stations – you’ll listen to something you shouldn’t

“An idle mind is a devil’s workshop.”

“And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not.” (1 Timothy 5:13)“Behold, this was the iniquity of thy sister Sodom, pride, fulness of bread, and abundance of idleness was in her and in her daughters, neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy.” (Ezekiel 16:49)“For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat. For we hear that there are some which walk among you disorderly, working not at all, but are busybodies.” (2 Thessalonians 3:10-11)

Learn how to separate your public & private lives

• Master the life of the hypocrite! Let’s act like one thing (what we do) – but then know that we’re living a lie (who we are). I’m sure you’ve heard of all the preachers who have had affairs while being so-called ‘spiritual leaders.’
• Don’t worry about lust. It’s really no big deal! It will take care of itself. Just keep doing what you’re supposed to be doing and everything will be OK.

“If we say that we have fellowship with him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not the truth:” (1 John 1:6)“In the twilight, in the evening, in the black and dark night:” (Proverbs 7:9)“But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” (Matthew 5:28)“And the cares of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, and the lusts of other things entering in, choke the word, and it becometh unfruitful.” (Mark 4:19)“But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.” (James 1:14-15)