The Mrs doing my head in!!!!

I've got a friend of mine, who is female, and just happens to be an ex from when i was about 13!!!!

Since, me n this girl have been very good friends, and never had any intentions for anything sexual or another relationship with each other.

The current Mrs is very insecure, and doesn't trust me with this girl, no matter what i tell her!!!

I arranged for the 2 to meet up, so that current Mrs could meet friend/ex Mrs. The friend didn't turn up as she has work commitments. Understandly, me n the Mrs were disappointed about this, but it's fair enough

Since, the Mrs has gone a bit psycho about the whole thing, saying that i'm never to see my friend again and that she wants her out of my life!!!

I of course have told her to jog on, as she can't dictate who i'm allowed to have in my life!!! This has of course caused a huge argument and i don't really know what to do :\

Any advice?

Currently driving a 55 plate Ford Mondeo ST. But as Arnie once said...

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Staff MemberModeratorquattroAudi S3

Other half is a bit odd with one of my Ex's, it didn't help that my elder sister employed her for work, which meant I saw her twice a week all of a sudden. We still chat to each other, but I wouldn't call us great friends, but other half thinks differently....

Staff MemberModerator

Sure you would get up tight if your missus great looking ex turned up showing attention lol. Give her time and be open about it all, she will come around if she feels you are hiding nothing. Just remember to give your missus some quality attention!

If my girlfriend was friends with her x sorry but id be pissed to , Im the jelous type though not a controlling psycho or nothing like that , but lets put it this way i wouldnt be sat there having a chinese with my ex girls man if you know what i mean, It's just not me ..

Read your current lady the riot act, explain to her in no uncertain terms that NOTHING is happening between you (been there, done that) and the ex/friend. Also explain to the ex/friend that you would like her and your missus to get to know each other as 'you're both the two most special women in my life after my mother' yadda yadda etc etc.

Not all current gfs/bfs are understanding (if they are, then it's very rare!), so the easiest way is to lose one or the other and keep them all as 'friends'.
If not then there will always be arguments about the ex. Even if you are arguing about something entirely different your ex will pop up.

I can understand her point, but by the same token, she should have enough trust in you to believe what you say.

I wouldn't like it if my missus had one of her ex blokes show up and be friendly, no matter how much time had passed. The reason being that there had to be an attraction there in the first place for you to have ever got together!

However - I trust her. Implicitly. And therefore would respect the fact that she wanted to be friends with this person and allow her to do whatever she wished based on that fact. I might be wrong, but time would tell that!

If I were you, I would look at this in this way: At least she cares enough to be worried about it. Inconvienient though it may be, this is going to continue to be a problem as long as you are friends.

Soooooooo, play the guilt trip card. 'I'm disappointed in you that you have THAT little faith in me', 'I would trust you in the same situation', 'Why would I want anything more than I already have'.

These 3 lines are always winners....

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------"Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail." Homer Simpson​

I think mistake number one was referring to her as your "ex", because ALL girlfriends had before the age of 16 are null and void IMO.
Unless of course you started going out with her at 13 and continued into your late teen/early 20's etc.
Honesty is honesty but a girl that I was going out with when I was 13 is never going to make it on to my list of compulsory declarations that require custom (new girlfriend) clearance.

A couple of questions:
1) How long was the "relationship" with the "ex"??
2) How old is your current missus??

If the answer to 1) is more than three years, and the answer to 2) is less than 18; then forget it, you're fighting a losing battle that will never be won.

Also, have you asked your current missus if she would have a problem with you being friends with your "ex" if she wasn't your ex and had only ever been a friend??
Being a woman that wants to win the argument she'll probably lie and say that she'd be ok with it. If she does then I would just say to her that you might as well class your ex as a non-ex as you were both kids at the time.

I guess what I'm saying is a lot depends on how long you were together with your ex, how serious you were, and what is probably VERY IMPORTANT to your missus.... is the ex better looking than her or at least close to her quailty!!

I think the answers to these points will determine whether you are asking a lot of your current wifey expecting her to be cool with your ex.

e.g....

If you were with your ex for a couple of years, it was a serious relationship, and she is pretty hot looking now... then I don't blame your missus for issuing a restraining order.
However, if you were with the ex for a few months, the relationship only got a far as a peck on the lips and the fondling of a couple of "fried eggs", and she has developed into a moose as the years have passed.... then your current bird is just being unreasonable.

reading things like this make me realise how very lucky i am to have a missis that i have. been together since school and she lets me get on with it. I used to go out every week with a bunch of mates and 4 of them were very attractive. the missis has full trust in me and knows i will always come back home to her.

I told the missis 13 years ago when i got with her that i have girl mates and im very close to some of them. She has trust and there is not a problem. I still talk to 2 girls i was playing with at school now and shes cool.

Trust is a very very big word! If there aint none, then theres no point in my eyes.

Staff MemberModerator

I can understand her point, but by the same token, she should have enough trust in you to believe what you say.

I wouldn't like it if my missus had one of her ex blokes show up and be friendly, no matter how much time had passed. The reason being that there had to be an attraction there in the first place for you to have ever got together!

However - I trust her. Implicitly. And therefore would respect the fact that she wanted to be friends with this person and allow her to do whatever she wished based on that fact. I might be wrong, but time would tell that!

If I were you, I would look at this in this way: At least she cares enough to be worried about it. Inconvienient though it may be, this is going to continue to be a problem as long as you are friends.

Soooooooo, play the guilt trip card. 'I'm disappointed in you that you have THAT little faith in me', 'I would trust you in the same situation', 'Why would I want anything more than I already have'.

These 3 lines are always winners....

Click to expand...

Lol, yeh unless she plays the double bluff and 'oh meet ****** hes my ex' lol Then she can see your reaction!

depends how much time you're spending with the ex too, if it's becoming quite a bit then you have to question why. Otherwise, as said above, trust is the important thing, if the relationship is built on trust then this situation should be a non-issue and you wouldn't have posted a thread...

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