My friend Blair drove 30 miles from Wingham to take me to breakfast. We hadn’t seen each other for 20 years and pretty much picked up from where we left off. It was really wonderful to see him. He’s still married to his wife and has three kids. After breakfast we went shopping for his boy’s 18th birthday.

Blair reads my blog and told me to stop moaning so much. It was funny and heart warming..he said, “I know that’s not you..” Which is true..I have not been myself for some considerable time.

Honestly, I think that the Sex Rehab programme/experience really went to my head.

I changed in many ways after I left the show..some good…some bad. The limited fame and attention, the intoxicating buzz I had every day whilst being filmed…and then the crazed fan who I thought might love me.

With the all clear comes the ALL CLEAR!!

Blair and I wandered up the High Street. I must have chatted with 20 people of varying ages. Each of them asked what I was up to and if I was happy…some of them read this..so they knew LOADS. One of my favorite Dengate boys (rugby player) and his sweet infant stopped me outside Budgens and warmly greeted me.

I always feel so honoured to have these people in my life.

Something really has shifted.

I got caught up in something peculiarly Hollywood. I got caught up in the inconsequential periphery of the industry and the unhealthy effects and lost my way. Now I have to put that all to rest and own up to some glorious mistaken identity.

We watched a bad TV documentary about Michael Jackson last night and the various fixers and characters around him..of course I know the real players in that story and none of them were in the show. The guys who make the real money, make the real decisions. It was fascinating to see how the documentary maker had the wool pulled over his eyes..yet, it’s true that the bigger the family you belong to in LA the more likely you are to get on. SAA, AA..Scientology etc. each a legitimate family for the waifs and strays washed up on the west coast.

My legitimate family is here in Whitstable. They can and do absorb the greater part of my ego. I am sitting with Georgina at the B&B trying to repair her tumble drier. Does that seem absurd? That this makes me happy?

I missed my nephews birthday party because I was sick with this flu.

New Years Resolution Number One: Don’t write blog until I have completed a stiff walk up a steep hill.

I bought two new hats:

Congratulations to Tanya Sarne and Wendy Dagworthy..my new OBE friends.

Duncan,
Hello! I’m happy that you are going to be so much MORE than o.k!
Yeah*** for getting through these travails this past year.
Three cheers!
It seems as you are exactly where you need to be (and with two new stylish hats to wear!).
Big smiles.
I also want to wish you a very & sober Happy New Year 2011 !

I want to sincerely thank you for being exactly the way you are and no more or nothing less.

It is not my place or intention to say anything critical about the way you’ve dealt with that mega ‘joy thief’ you gave a piece of your heart to. I’m just sorry it screwed you so badly.
(I sent you a comment on Christmas Eve and felt poorly afterward. I was just reacting without thinking. Sorry. forgive me?)

Thanks for sharing so many beautiful scenes and your wildly amusing story telling. Love to the little dog too~

b.

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