Coming Around Again…

Thank you so much for your kind words of sympathy and support. The last 18 days have been the most horrible of my life. Mornings where you wake up and have a few seconds of normalcy before the terrible memory of loss returns. Evenings where your arms ache to hold a child who is not there anymore. Nights spent on your knees in prayer asking “why?”

I’m coming around again. People keep asking me if I’m “okay” and I’m really not sure what that means anymore. Sometimes I think, “well, I haven’t cried yet today, so maybe I am okay” but other days I think “I’m okay because I already had a good cry this morning.”

The vast majority of you will never know what it is to lose a child, and for that, I am surpassingly grateful. A hundred years ago, families would bear ten children hoping to keep four. The death of a child was sad but not unexpected. And everyone knew what it was to lose a child.

Fortunately, due to marvelous advancements in medicine, transportation, and sanitation, we generally get to keep our children and they live long after we sleep in the grave. We don’t know what the loss of a child is like, and for that, I am very grateful.

Many of you have said “I don’t know what to say, but I am sorry…” Thank you for these words. These are the right words. The fact that you would even say them means so much to me, especially when you are someone who I have never met. Thank you for caring enough to leave a comment.

I’ve dropped my classes I was taking this summer, and well as just about every extraneous activity in my life. But I want to continue with this blog and this effort, because I think it is very important. We need clean energy, and we need a lot of it. I think there will be many contributions to the ultimate solution, but I believe that thorium has the potential to be the bulk of the solution. I’m going to keep working on this, for many reasons, but one of which will be as a memorial to my precious son. I hope that I can successfully explain my reasons for hoping that a bright future yet lies ahead of us.