Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Sex lives

It is so interesting to hear about different peoples sex lives or lack there of. It is as unique as their lives in general. Some people have always been comfortable with themselves and sexually everything just comes natural. People like myself, took a while to get to that comfort level. Then there are others that will probably never allow themselves the complete pleasures.

I was talking to the lady that does my bikini waxes and she confided in me that she didn't like sex. She said she would be so glad when her period came, because it gave her an excuse not to have sex. I told her how one of my main culprits of having no sex drive was the birth control pills. For years doctors told me that it had to do with my muscular dystrophy. Finally after bringing it up to all kinds of medical genius and years of defeat, one finally asked me if have I ever tried going of the pill? I did that day, and about a week later my husband was worn out from all the crazy sex. Call me an idiot... but I didn't know that the pill could do that and doctors were convinced it was because of my physical issues. When I brought this to her attention, she said she wasn't on any meds and she loved her husband deeply. She told me of her Iranian upbringing and how she was taught to be covered and proper and sex was somehow not something to be enjoyed. She's fully americanized but those values still and will probably always be ingrained in her. Which makes me feel really bad for her.

It has taken me longer than I would've liked, to become who I am, and getting off the pill was a major step, but not the only one. It has taken a whole lot of soul searching and a yearning to be a sexual being.

Thyroid can be another big problem for women, low "normal" ranges can be far too low, doctors are just now getting a handle on this, there's a lot on the internet about this.

There is an old wives tale that we use only about 5 percent of our brain. That is not really true... but a very similar -and actually true thing -can be said about our sexuality.

The social impact of anti-sexual cultures is a huge problem though. I've always been behind the curve, was raised catholic, yada, yada. Was in college before my first, she was from another culture,a very sex-positive one -and wow. Eye opener.

But social pressures are intense, it is easy to forget what has been learned. A long horrid marriage did not help. Then, after divorce and some plebian, light encounters another amazing woman entered my life -wow again, and it was her that really brought me on to the path of finding my real sexuality. Many, many splendid years -and then I lost her to an incurable terminal illness. But she had left me with so much.

Then, after all seemed darkest, another amazing woman, MsME -artist, tantrika and devine imp- entered my life and wow again -and the journey continues.

In western society, we define sexuality in a very narrow way, but what I have learned is it gets much more clear and expanding when we realize we are actually dealing with energy. A special energy. A powerful energy. There is no endpoint in learning about that energy and how it effects us, and how it enriches.

A destructive aspect of anti-sexual societies is that they create a self-fulfilling prophesy. Sexuality is morally neutral. It is very powerful, and like any powerful thing it can be very constructive, or very destructive. When sex is looked at as bad, it cuts the person off from themselves. Sexuality will manifest anyway, but in a negative way -from the typical sexual confusions we see today in our society in most cases -to serious dysfunction, anger and worse.

Having said that, do no rule out the impacts someone that is sexually integrated and positive with themselves can have. La Roo, it is indeed sad about your Iran friend, but by holding space for her -and the world - to change slowly for the better ....well, yaw never know. I have found a persons grounded, positive sexuality and energy is contagious. By your friend seeing the permissions you have given yourself, and just by her experiencing, feeling, the energy you now have and are building ... it is possible you may have already expanded her awareness a bit.

Great post La Roo, you say so many things that are familiar, I'll bet many others find your blog really validating and thought provoking also.

It's always nice when I can sit back at the end of the day and say to myself, I learned something today. After reading this post and accompanying comments, I've learned something today, too! Thanks for sharing Laroo and Momentextase.

its seems that is what I am going through with my wife , I have tried being as supportive as I can but ever since she started going through menopause 4 years ago it seems to me to be just an excuse because on the odd occasion we do have sex (currently running at 4 months) she has at least one orgasm usually with me going down on her and then she likes me coming in from behind and again she may have a second orgasm so I am deeply frustrated by it all and not sure what to do ?

I had never had a problem with my sex drive until I switch birth control pills. I went on a lower hormone pill and it totally killed my sex drive. When I switched back to the one I had been taking (they had falsely told me that they had stopped making my original kind) my sex drive came back.