Posts Tagged ‘Communication’

I had a really unusual dream last night. Let me tell you about it along with the obvious meaning to me…

In the dream, I was with a lot of family members at my in-laws’ previous home in St. Louis. My father-in-law, Chuck, who passed away suddenly in that home in 1999, was sitting in his favorite chair. There was a calendar on the wall that was rapidly flipping back in time to the day he passed away. Others in the family knew what was about to happen, but Chuck did not. He was struggling a bit physically, but was lucid and still engaging in conversation.

When I entered the room, my mom had just told Chuck that she loved him. She left the room and then I had my chance to say some things to him. I told him that he was a great father-in-law, that I really appreciated him and that I loved him. The look on his face was priceless and he was so pleased to hear those words from me.

As strangely as the dream started, it ended.

Many times we dream but keep on sleeping and don’t even recall the dreams when we awaken later. But some dreams carry such an impact that we awaken immediately and have a tough time going back to sleep. Such was the case with this dream. I woke up and immediately thought, “Tell people that you love them while you still can, because you may not have another chance.”

That isn’t an earth-shattering revelation. We’ve all heard the sentiment many times and have probably said it a few times as well. Reminders of important truths are important, though, since we tend to get wrapped up in our busy lives and fail to do some of the basics that are actually far more important than the busyness that occupies us.

I’ve lost friends and family suddenly without the chance to say goodbye. I’ve had other times where we’ve known the end was near and those precious final goodbyes were said with deep love and affection. We have no such guarantees, though.

So love well in word and in deed. Tell them while you still can. You may not have another chance.

Buzzwords always abound in businesses. Each year sees new ones come and (if we are lucky) a few worn ones disappear. After all, Buzzword Bingo exists for a reason! Some of the most annoying to me are using verbs as nouns such as in “That’s a good ask.” Why not use the word “question” or “request” as the correct noun in that situation instead of misusing the word “ask”? Who knows how many years I’ve endured hearing people tell someone to “reach out” to someone at work when a simple “contact” will do the trick. You start “reaching out” to me at work and I’m calling HR on you!

So pardon me for a few paragraphs while I go on a somewhat controlled rant about a currently popular phrase that is so grossly overused and abused I feel I must take a stand. The term is “thought leader” or “thought leadership.”

The phrase isn’t new, of course, but it has become so commonly misused that the phrase is, to me, largely meaningless any more. Here are my issues with it and with how it is used:

1. Too many companies and individuals set a goal of becoming a thought leader in some field. They want to start blogging or publishing or public speaking or some combination of public activities with the explicit hope of being considered a thought leader. This seems completely backward to me. Their mistaken focus seems to be on the accolades and reputation they hope to earn because of their actions rather than the quality of the actions and benefit to others that comes as a result of their work. I’ve even heard the ridiculous discussion of whether or not the content for such “thought leadership” articles should be original or contracted out to an agency! What!? If you don’t have the ability to think your own thoughts enough to get them in writing, then you aren’t a thought leader even in your own company (maybe even in your own head), much less in any industry.

2. Any entity that refers to itself as a thought leader isn’t one. If I see “thought leader” in your Twitter or LinkedIn profile, I will not follow or connect with you. I do not care what you have to say because my first impression is that you are simply pompous and full of yourself. On the other hand, if it is others who are calling you a thought leader, then perhaps I’ll be impressed with their assessments and pay attention to what you say, but not if you are the one using it to describe yourself. Humility is a good thing. Learn it.

3. Companies cannot produce thought leaders en masse. For example, a colleague and I have been exploring employee advocacy software options over recent weeks. I can’t count how many times sales reps from the companies have tried to sell their products on the notion that we are helping employee advocates of our company become thought leaders through the use of it. Well, sorry again, but when the advocacy program largely depends on retweeting and reposting content we suggest with perhaps minor personal edits, that doesn’t make anyone a thought leader. Since when does retweeting others make anyone a thought leader? And since when did a single company have thousands of thought leaders as employees? Come on, people. Get real.

Here is my point: “Thought leader” is a title earned and bestowed by others as a result of unique, innovative, exemplary work over time. It is not a goal that anyone concerned with actually doing good work will waste time pursuing. It is never a term you should use for yourself.

Should you be so fortunate as to have others consider you a thought leader and refer to you that way, then accept their compliment with humility, be grateful that you have the opportunity to make a positive impact on others, and go on about the business of doing your very best work. History and others are far more likely to accurately describe you, your work, and its impact than you will yourself.

So go out there and do your best every single day. Only be concerned with that. Let others decide who they consider thought leaders to be. Don’t waste your time (or mine) associating the term with yourself. That’s for others to decide after you’ve earned it.

The question may sound odd coming from one whose daily work centers around social media, but sometimes I wonder if he haven’t taken giant strides backward in recent years in our ability to simply be social with other real live human beings around us. Here are some examples of why I’m concerned…

It is nearly impossible to go out to eat with coworkers, family or friends without a majority of the people spending more time looking at their smartphones than actually engaging with and enjoying others sitting at the table with them.

How many homes have multiple family members each on some electronic device for long periods of time, but each rarely interacting in person with others under the same roof?

How distracted are we by multiple conversations on multiple social platforms to the point of never really giving our full attention to anyone – either face-to-face or online?

I’m a huge fan of social media and technology in general. It has been the focus of my life’s work for years and will be so for the foreseeable future. I’m not suggesting abandoning the technology; that isn’t going to happen, anyway. But somewhere along the line we must recognize that we’re missing out on the face-to-face present when our heads are buried in our phones, tablets or PCs. As an introvert, I need and cherish my times of solitude, but when I’m with others, they deserve my full attention.

We’re missing chances at rich conversation and deeper, more meaningful relationships when we don’t get past the depth of 140 characters in what we communicate. We limit our conversations and the wisdom we can glean from others’ experiences when our dependence on technology omits communication with those who don’t use the technology. Our monetary wealth and eagerness to spend it on gadgets contributes to a poverty in relationships due to the lack of investment we make in deeper, face-to-face interaction.

Life is always a balancing act. Living for extended periods on extremes is rarely advisable. If you wonder if the above picture fits you or not, it probably does. That doesn’t mean you run to the other extreme by deactivating your social media accounts or giving up your smartphone. It may mean, however, that you set it aside when in the presence of others to develop that which cannot exist online. It may mean you don’t respond to every notification sound or vibration when in the presence of others, reserving that check for when you leave their company.

Be here. Be present. Respect those you are physically with and give them your full attention. Let’s not let a wave of social media opportunities actually turn us into a less social generation. We can and should do better than that.

Like many of you, I spend a lot of time on social networks – both work related and personal. Their existence has transformed how countless numbers of people communicate daily around the world. They will only continue to grow in use and significance. But all is not well on social networks, probably because they’re made up of messed-up folks like you and me.

There are some regular frustrations that I would prefer Santa do something about this Christmas, if only for a day. So here is my Christmas wish list for social networks:

People will use the networks to connect with friends, colleagues, family and total strangers in positive ways.

People will keep their politics to themselves.

People will use their two ears and one mouth in that proportion, listening more than they speak.

People will seek out opportunities to encourage others who may be experiencing tough times.

People will not send me any invitations to play games.

People will not post any Bitstrips cartoons.

People won’t try to get others to believe as they do on social matters.

Facebook will not surprise us with any security or feature changes.

No one will send spam messages or deceptive links.

People will step away from the online networks long enough to interact face to face with real, live people in the same room.

Online time on social networks is important and much good comes from it, but it can be better than it is. If Santa doesn’t make it happen, then it’s up to us.

Each December we hear a mixture of greetings due to the various holidays celebrated. Not everyone celebrates every holiday, of course, so we tend to use the one with which we most identify. As a Christian, the holiday I’m focused on this month is Christmas, so if I greet someone with a holiday-related greeting, it will be “Merry Christmas.” I’ll have the good sense not to say that to my Jewish friends and colleagues or to those whom I know do not celebrate Christmas. I would not expect them to say it to me.

I have mixed emotions about the greetings used, particularly when companies, governments or institutions seem to go out of their way not to mention Christmas or even to ban any mention of it. I don’t like substituting the phrase “holiday tree” for “Christmas tree” or doing bizarre things like banning use of the colors red and green or banning use of the word “Christmas” during school “winter” celebrations as one school is doing so as not to offend anyone. (I guess offending Christians is deemed OK.) Last time I checked, the reason my company and nearly all companies let their employees off on December 25 is because it’s Christmas, so that tells me we’re celebrating Christmas, not “winter” and not a generic “holiday.” Not all celebrate it for its religious meaning, but even if many celebrate it as a cultural, gift-giving holiday devoid of Christian meaning, it’s still Christmas and worthy of acknowledgement by name.

I don’t begrudge others using the greeting of their choice, and neither should they begrudge me the same liberty. If you don’t celebrate Christmas, that’s your call to make. Say “Happy Holidays” or “Season’s Greetings” or whatever floats your boat, including no seasonal greeting at all if you like.

As for me, I’ll be saying, “Merry Christmas.” When I do, I’m not trying to be belligerent, offensive, insensitive or preachy. It’s just the holiday I’m celebrating, and I do, indeed, hope you have a merry Christmas.