How to talk pubic hair with your girlfriend without getting smacked

January 04, 2012|Anna Pulley | RedEye's sex columnist

I adore my girlfriend. She's hot and smart and funny—the whole package. She also happens to be very petite, with a youngish face, which is all well and good, except when combined with the fact that she waxes her hoo-ha, it makes her look, well, pre-pubescent. I know it's her body, but I'm the one that's down there all the time, and frankly, it weirds me out! How can I broach this subject without getting smacked?

—Wants a little hair down there

Well, Humbert Humbert, I'm a feminist and am therefore contractually obligated to tell you a woman's body is her own, and she can do whatever she wants with it, including going all Edward Scissorhands on her snatch. But, I also don't think it's that big of a deal to put in your request. It'd be one thing if the situation was reversed, and you wanted her to start a regular (expensive, painful) waxing regimen for your benefit. Or if she was a champion breaststroker (swimming, people!) and needed to keep her body Cherubian in order to shave (sorry) seconds off her time. I'm guessing that's not the case, however.

As my friend Marie put it, "I think a partner does have a right to ask (not demand), but if she says no, it's her labia." It's not as loaded of a premise, but I know plenty of gals who aren't the least bit perturbed to ask their boyfriends to shave or trim their beard, especially if it causes unpleasant friction or houses small animals. Again, no one's obligated to actually change their appearance for their partner, but with some sensitivity, such requests don't have to be a big to-do.

If you'll allow me to wax on this further, be sure you ask your girlfriend politely, and don't ambush her.* Tell her you'd like to see how sex feels with a buffer. Tell her you find nether beards unbelievably sexy (but don't call it a nether beard). Tell her that you are aghast, AGHAST!, at the unrealistic, hairless femmebot bodies in advertisements and porn, and that you long for those bygone days (the '80s and '90s) where it was standard for women to be natural and Nair-free. Hell, she might be thrilled that you appreciate some undergrowth. Maybe she's been waiting for just such an opportunity to redecorate Hair Force One.

If not, though, you'll have to drop it. Remember that old saying, a hand in the bush is worth two Brazillians. Wait, that can't be right.

My girlfriend sent me this text: U kno whats weird? I think we r have more fun togets doing not so fun things (like cleaning) instead of things that shd be fun (bars, drinkings etc). Anna, I'm curious, what does this mean?

—Decoder required

It means she probably shouldn't be going to bars in the 4th grade. Oh wait.

It means she thinks boozing is overrated and she wants to do domestic, "boring" things with you instead of getting wasted all the time. You should probably listen to her and act accordingly.