Main Street by Roger Allen publisher

Stimulus

I guess we all got our Stimulus check by now. Mine was a lot less than the $billions authorized by Congress. Disappointing. Even so, I was so stimulated, I immediately bought a six-pack of hot dogs and put them on the grill. (I would have microwaved them, but I was just so stimulated!)

Global warming

The polar bears have a problem with their ice disappearing. That’s sad, but it matches our thinking about the meaning of “warm.” Some of the effects of this warming climate change seem backward. In these parts, we experienced a cold winter and are having a cool summer. We had 42 degrees one night this month—only 10 degrees above freezing. Arizona is doing a better job of meeting expectations for “warm.” Phoenix recently registered a temperature of 114 degrees. “The solution to global warming is better distribution of temperature.” (This solution is copyrighted by your author.)

Health insurance

Continuing with creative solutions, I have one for the costs of health care in America. Forget the kazillion plans already proposed and the kazillion objections to them. Here’s mine: Give everybody 10 dollars a day for not being sick. Now that would be a real incentive. During lunch, I did some arithmetic on a napkin at Sam’s Joint, and I think my plan would be cheaper than the insurance alternatives. Positive reinforcement works. (This solution is copyrighted by your author. And all my other good ideas, too. You can have my bad ideas free.)

Great truths

Great truths about life that adults learn along the way:

Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.

There is always a lot to be thankful for if you take the time to look. For example: I’m sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don’t hurt.

Another reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

Laughing helps your health. It’s like jogging on the inside.

Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due.

The best way to keep kids at home is to make a pleasant atmosphere and let the air out of their tires.

Visitors

Welcome!

The Squire has been Rockford’s free weekly newspaper since 1871. Our loyal readership includes over fifteen thousand homes in the Rockford area, including the affluent Lakes area of Lake Bella Vista, Bostwick Lake and Silver Lake; Belmont, Blythefield, as well as Algoma, Courtland, Cannon and Plainfield Townships.Read More…