To find true love, face your own truth. This is Esme’s story.

Esme’s nails were bitten to the quick; some were bleeding slightly. That was the first thing I noticed about her. That, and her trembling hands – details most people wouldn’t have noticed, distracted as they might be by the thirty-year-old insurance agent’s Chanel bag, self-assured air and well-polished appearance.

But I’ve given enough readings to know one shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. Man looks at the outward appearance; Spirit looks at the heart. Many people tend to cover up their inner insecurity by over-compensating with external confidence and achievements – not realising that ultimately, they’re only fooling themselves.

I also noted that no Spirit from Esme’s team was coming forward to assist me. The Spirits present were Archangels Michael and Gabriel, to protect and to communicate Spirit’s messages to Esme; Ganesha, to maintain the sacred space while I gave my reading; and myself. Whilst Spirit doesn’t always show up in dramatic ways for all my seekers, when a client’s Spirit team is notably absent, it can sometimes indicate that the client is not ready for the truth. For reasons I would find out soon enough, Esme’s Spirit team had made the decision not to reveal themselves overtly to her.

Man looks at the outward appearance; Spirit looks at the heart.

Esme had requested a reading to ask questions about her career, but it was clear that something else was troubling her. The Tarot cards she was picking throughout the consultation indicated emotional stress, low self-esteem, and deep unhappiness – and while it’s feasible that career issues can lead to such problems, the consistency with which Esme’s cards pointed towards a personal crisis was uncanny.

Finally, after all the career questions were satisfactorily answered, Esme went on to talk about what she thought was really troubling her: her love life.

Apparently, Esme had a forbidden love.

“His family is against his relationship with me. I feel that they’re taking advantage of him. They don’t let him see me. I don’t know what their problem is – I love my boyfriend. I really do.”

I shuffled the deck.
– Alright Esme, pick the cards and we’ll ask Spirit about this situation with your relationship.

But what seemed a simple enough question produced an unexpected answer:
The cards indicated no boyfriend.

“I love my boyfriend. I really do.”

All the cards representing Esme indicated obsession and self-delusion. All the cards representing her so-called boyfriend indicated that he did exist (so he wasn’t a figment of Esme’s imagination), but there was no relationship. Spirit was unusually silent: Michael, Gabriel and Ganesha looked on, but did not comment.

Confused, I tuned in to the energies of Esme’s ‘relationship’. A surge in my intuitive senses instructed me: Ask for his age.

“He’s 89.”

Let’s just say I’m glad my poker face game is strong.

Esme interpreted my shocked silence as support, and continued. “I keep telling him not to let his family bully him into following their wishes. But he won’t listen to me. He hardly sees me anyway. I just want to be with him but his family are getting in the way and messing everything up! Can the Tarot teach me how to help him?”

There’s no point arguing with the deluded. Furthermore, I wasn’t getting much from Spirit. I could only offer some words of counsel, and encourage her to focus on the things in her life that she could control. Finally, the consultation ended and Esme left, comforted.

Over the following months, Esme would text me with vague mentions about troubles in her career or her ‘relationship’, but would stop just short of booking a consultation. I wasn’t surprised: Esme’s real intention was not to connect with Spirit, but with another human being, and she was determined to hold my attention as long as possible. I finally understood why Spirit was so quiet: Esme was firmly entrenched in her own version of reality, and she would not budge.

After I began seeing signs that Esme was developing a romantic interest in me (whilst sending me texts to gain my attention and hopefully, a romantic reciprocation), I decided that enough was enough, and stopped responding to her messages.

It is only human to love and to desire love in return. But when delusion trumps reality, one becomes increasingly frantic in the search for love. Unfortunately, desperation is never a good look on anyone, and instead tends to repel others.

The phrase “Love and Light” has been over-used, and has all but lost its original meaning. “Light” refers to the light of God, the Divine spark within us which illuminates our truth and our path towards our best destiny. To find Love, we need Light. If we snuff out the Light of our own truth, ignoring our wounds and our issues in our frenetic search for the perfect job, partner, whatever it is we’re after – I can practically guarantee you that you will NOT find what you seek, and whatever you cling to, you will eventually lose.