My Journey as a newly submissive wife

Tag: BDSM

So Sir had to take off my collar a couple of days ago for a medical procedure. He hasn’t put it back on and I went to the mall today. I feel really strange not having my collar on. Its become a part of me. A symbol. It represents something and to not have it on feels like I’m not complete. Not that I am saying I feel any less of a submissive, but I obviously can feel its absence.

To me my collar represents something. And when I am nervous or unsure of things I grab it and it’s like Sir is with me telling me to calm down or that everything will be ok. Don’t know why I put so much into my collar but I do. Its kind of become my wedding ring. Seeing as sometimes I can’t wear them because my hands swell. I can always wear my collar (except during medical procedures). So no soon Sir comes home from work I am going to ask him to put my collar back on.

Recently I made a post about me and Sir going to a play party where there was actual sex involved. I thought this needed a separate post because my feelings were all over the place about it.

The next day I had a sub lunch and I brought up the topic. Most of us didn’t agree with having sex at play parties.

Personally I thought I would be okay with it. I thought that it’d be interesting to watch. But when it actually happened, I was very much weirded out by it. So we just continued on talking to people and pretty much ignored the scene that was taking place. Another thought I had about the whole thing is who would want to use the equipment after that scene. I know there is cleaner but I’m a major germaphobe, but that’s just me.

Another thing that was different was the Fuck Saw, yeah he used condoms on it with every person who tried it. But I don’t know. The experience would’ve been pretty awesome, but would I catch syphilis some how? or am I being pretty silly? Probably am knowing me. But hey that’s my opinion. But with all this said it’s not going to stop me from going to play parties and socializing. Just thought I’d write about my thoughts on the new rules. Now not all play parties is sex allowed. Just certain ones.

Ok, so a couple of posts ago I sounded very concerned about my submission. In the time that I have written it a lot has happened mentally to me. I’ve had some friends I’ve talked to and then awesome blogger Kayla Lords wrote a post about submissives being too hard on themselves.

It all got me thinking. One, I am making unrealistic goals for myself as a submissive. Two, if Sir is unhappy with any way that I serve him, I’m sure he will let me know. and Three, there are no such things as the “Perfect submissive”. I’m never going to be perfect so I just need to accept that. I am a human, I make mistakes. Hopefully I will learn from those mistakes. As long as I am wholeheartedly giving myself to Sir, when I am able to, that’s all that matters.

We have to work together as a team to make D/s work for us. We have special circumstances, I have a disease that sometimes renders me unable to serve. I have talked to Sir and we are going to get together a protocol for when I am unable to do my normal protocols so that I still feel like I am being submissive. I feel a whole lot better than I did the other day when I wrote that post. I am very optimistic and think that we still have a lot of D/s ahead of us.

Thanks to all the people I talked to about this situation! You have helped me so much!

Didn’t really know what to title this piece so D/s I guess will do. Recently our D/s has taken a nose dive. Healthwise I haven’t been good and we’ve been crazy busy in our personal lives. I know that sometimes life takes over and the time for play and D/s takes a back burner. I hate that.

I still call Sir, Sir. I still wear his collar. But I kind of don’t feel worthy of it. I don’t feel submissive enough. I still have some protocols that I have to follow, but I feel like its been a little relaxed and I know it’s because I don’t feel well or because we are too busy. Its kind of making me feel less of a submissive. I think these are things that definitely need to be talked about with Sir. We just have to figure it out and how to make time for our D/s and Play. Its not so much the Play, but the strict protocols I am missing. And I guess doing all that kneeling is not realistic. I don’t’ know maybe it is. It was for us for a while, but then we got busy and I got sick.

Everyone elses D/s around me seems to be going great and I am happy for them. I guess I just need to have the talk with Sir and see where and how we can fit D/s back into our life with our busy schedules and my unpredictable health. I have met so many wonderful people while being on this journey of D/s so I’m sure this is the path that we were meant to be on.

I don’t know, I will follow up this post when I talk to Sir about things.

Here it is! My new collar…that actually fits this time. I LOVE it! Thank you so much to ToBeHis.com for their marvelous work and patience with me. I would suggest them to everyone! Awesome customer service! They are great. Victoria also does custom work so check her out.

Now I can breathe a sigh of relief. I will always remember this day as the Halloween I got my new day collar. Woot Woot!

Well we finally lasted a whole night at a play party. LOL. I got so many compliments on my corset last night, which was awesome. All the usual stuff was the there, spanking horses, St.Andrews Crosses, places to do rope and suspensions.There was a new station though which was extremely interesting. Sir Magic the host brought his fuck saw. It was a modified handsaw that he had made and put a twelve inch dildo on the end of it. A LOT of people signed up to be used with it and it looked like they were having a very enjoyable experience. It was all very interesting to watch. I would like to experience it once I get up enough courage to go bottomless in front of everyone, LOL.

Me and Sir agreed that it made us want to play real badly but we still aren’t ready to play in public.

This was the first party that we attended that sex was actually allowed and performed. A Dom and his sub were on the spanking horse going at it. So that was interesting.

Now on to the social part of the evening. We met a very intoxicated older lady, who randomly just kissed Sir on the lips. We wasn’t expecting it at all. She was very intoxicated. She kept asking everyone to flog her and most people did. See, I disagree with that. If someone is so fucked up, they have no business playing or doing a scene. She asked Sir and he politely declined. As if she wasn’t drunk enough she took two more shots of my Fireball whiskey. I was like ‘oh shit, we are gonna find her passed out somewhere later’. But she was good the whole night. She was still there when we left at 2:30a. The party lasted until 3. We also met some new people as usual and hung out with some people we already knew. Sir ran into a co-worker and they got to talking about different stuff work and kink related. He was really nice. We also talked to a girl that is rope top that we know, we might have her tie me up to see if I like being a rope bottom. We plan on going to rope class on Tuesday this week since Sir is on vacation.

We talked a lot with the host, Sir Magic. He’s a very nice guy and a superb host, he makes sure he makes his rounds talking to everyone and always making you smile and laugh. We will probably always go to his parties they are always great. He plays really good music too a mixture of all different genres.

Since our normal bedtime is like 9:30, we were extremely tired by 2:30a, so we decided to go ahead and call it a night. Most people had left and we were just sitting on the couch talking to a few people.

I actually slept really good last night. Probably the best I’ve slept in a while.

Corsets are my thing now. I love them. I have a black one, pink one, red one, and now a teal one. I can’t wait to wear it tonight to the play party. The Dominant that is hosting it is from out of town and he throws a really nice play party. We went to one a couple of months ago that he hosted and it was great. We are extremely excited to be going. Again we won’t play, we will observe and mingle with the community. We just aren’t ready for public play. .

So I asked Sir if I could go shopping for a new corset or Halloween costume to wear tonight. He said it was alright. That’s when I found this cool teal corset that was just my size. I took that as a sign, lol. There aren’t a lot of corset options at this store for full figured women such as myself. So when I see something that fits me I get excited lol. I just got some teal eye shadow and eye liner from Bare Minerals last month so that will go well with the outfit. We always have a blast at these things I really can’t wait. Now that we know more people in the community hopefully there will be less standing around looking awkward LOL. So my nails are done, hair is done, and now we are relaxing watching scary movies until it’s time to go!

My last post I was a little bit upset at myself for sizing the collar wrong. Well when I ordered the second collar the collar maker Victoria emailed me and said for the trouble she would like to make me a ankle collar for free. I was so shocked. It was amazingly nice of her. And if that wasn’t awesome enough she offered for me to send back the collar that was too small and she would make it into a wrist collar for me free of charge. Talk about great customer service. That was amazing, I will recommend them to EVERYONE. http://www.tobehis.com . A very amazing company with great customer service. I am still overwhelmed by the kindness that Victoria showed me!

So I meant to put this in my last post but I will make it a post on itself. A few weeks ago, I started to get a rash on my chest where my collar lock was. Well after researching I found out that it was Nickel. I am allergic to nickel. So we needed to get a new lock. I searched and found a great site http://www.tobehis.com ! They have hypoallergenic locks and they also have collars that are really nice. Well Sir likes the idea of me having different colored locks to match my outfits. So we are going to get different colored hypoallergenic locks. He also like a black steel collar and decided to get that one for me too. So I have a new collar on the way and a new lock. He engraved the new lock with “I am His”. I will post pictures when it gets here. We got an email that said it shipped yesterday and its supposed to be 3-5 day shipping so hopefully it will be here this week.

I will wear my Ring of Steel collar for important events, and play parties but will wear my black collar daily with whatever color lock matches what I am wearing. I am so excited. I can’t wait to get them all.

Ok, so I’m back after my busy hiatus. And boy do I have a story to tell.

So, I’m travelling to Wisconsin with my dog breeder who is a woman, her 13 year old daughter, her nephew and his ex-girlfriend. Yeah so we had 7 dogs and two vehicles. It took us 9 hours to get there. We got there Friday morning, we didn’t show until Saturday. But Friday night everyone decided to get together in the hotel bar and have dinner and a few drinks. It was nice getting to know everyone and talking Boxers. Everyone was super nice.

Well after dinner my breeder decided she was going to go take care of the dogs. I stayed and hung out with everyone until we all left.

Now the problem I had with my breeder the whole time was that she would get overwhelmed by small things and strike up an attitude with me. I told her on more than one occasion I am not her child and there is no reason to talk to me like she was and she’s a verb away from me packing my own car and driving my own self home. It was unreal. When I go to dog shows, I have fun its about bonding with dog and meeting people that have the same love for the sport that you do. There’s no room for frustration and attitude. At least that is my opinion. Now the reason I think she was overwhelmed is because she brought 7 dogs, and only had 4 handlers. No one else brought that many dogs. Her dogs were not trained to stack and stand still so that was frustrating. In my opinion she was not ready for the show and neither were her dogs or handlers.

So Saturday we showed, the other handlers and dogs looked great at the show. Our dogs looked good, but our handlers kind of looked amateurish and like they didn’t belong. However we won 4 of our classes only because we were the only dog competing in those classes. Not because we had someone to compete against. I hate wins like that.

So that night we had the judges dinner. It was nice and got to meet more people. After the dinner we all went to the hotel bar for drinks. One of the guys that was there kept buying us shots and even the judge bought us a round at the bar. It was crazy. But it was fun. So around 2 the bar was closing and my breeder had suddenly disappeared. So I walked back to my room alone. When I approached the door all I heard was “Oh yeah, oh God,” repeatedly coming from my room. (yeah and my breeder is married and her husband was NOT there). So in turn I was a little pissed, one I was tired and just wanted to go to bed. Two, how rude is it to lock someone out of their fucking room while you fuck someone. That’s bullshit. So I waited in the lobby with one of the guys who was walking his dog for about an hour. I called Sir. I was so pissed. Finally I said the hell with it, I’m going to bang on the door and interrupt whatever the hell they have going on. So when I got back to the room I didn’t hear anymore screams. So I just banged on the door. It took them about ten minutes to open the door and surprise surprise it was our trainer friend who is female that my breeder was with. My breeder had thrown up in the bathroom and she was still half naked. I didn’t even care at that point. I just put on my pajamas and went to bed. I said nothing to no one. Now my trainer friend must have some very big balls because her husband was only two doors down from our room. Crazy.

Well the next day my breeder was still drunk. So she couldn’t drive at all on the way home. It was crazy. She only said a few words to me. I think she was completely embarrassed. And she paid for all my meals on the way back home.

Ok, so my initial thoughts on this is, don’t put me in this fucking situation. This is your drama that you two have going on. I don’t want to be a part of it. Now I know something that I can’t unknow (i don’t think that’s a word though). I don’t like secrets and games. I’m way too old for that shit. It’s been a week since we’ve gotten back and I haven’t heard one word from her. Now we have a business relationship but we also have a friendship, we go down and have lunch and dinner with her and her husband all the time. So this puts me in a awkward situation that I don’t like.

But other than that situation it was a good trip. Got to meet some cool people and got to learn a lot about the working Boxer. I’m excited to get training again and start showing.