February 26, 2013

Workplace flirting has become such a common thing. Honey, Darling,
Sweety are words that are just casually thrown across towards women
by men who have been just acquaintances for a couple of months. And
everyone acts as if this is normal. When some people don’t like
such flirting, they are labeled as un-evolved, orthodox and
incompatible to the socializing lifestyle of this century.

Most people might think of it as a friendly gesture and might be okay
with it. That is none of my business. When people like me are ready
to accept that there exist people who are okay with even overboard
flirting, why can’t you just accept that there are people who
don’t like it. Why are we labeled rude when I humbly express my
opinion that I don’t like to be called by names other than mine. I
have a name for a reason!

The thing that frustrates me the most is testing the depths by trying
out one or two endearing addressing. It is a very cheap shot, I would
say. For the sake of professionalism or politeness or fear or
whatever, if the girl chooses to ignore it, the guy continues it
until the girl is pushed to a place where she ‘has to’ react
strongly. Why is this necessary? If this happens in reverse, i.e., if a girl flirts first, I 've heard many guys calling her a woman of
a totally disgraceful class.

I know that no amount of ranting or yelling my heart out is going to
change this. But I simply won’t go along. I hear people saying ‘Women
need to face these situations all the time’. I agree. But why
should I face it silently and undergo awkward situations without
telling what I feel? Why should I take it in my face? Why shouldn't I just throw it back to where it came from? I'll not accept reasons
like ‘You have to work with the guy for the next year or so. If you
react to this, it would just be awkward and affect your working
environment’ or ‘Hey, this is just so common - you are
over-reacting’ or ‘He might have meant it in an innocent way’
or ‘You might be perceived as the kadoos who is unapproachable’.
No, I will not take any reasons. Some even go to the extents to say
that ‘Guys are like that and it is their instinct’. If that is
your explanation, Giving back a nice punch in your face is my
instinct and I will do it.

My question is simple. I have come to office to work, just like you.
Neither do I know you from Adam nor do you know me. I am just being
a friendly colleague. And you know that I am engaged to the guy I love.
You know I am not interested in anything beyond a professional
relation in the workplace with all my colleagues. Then why do you
have the incessant need to hit on me? Testing my depths huh? Whether
I am wavering or whether I am good enough for passing your idle time?

I am not generalizing guys here nor am I saying that girls are all
good when it comes to this. I am not judging anyone here. I am just
saying that this is happening. And often to
women. That’s all. If both the people involved are comfortable
doing the flirting for god-knows-what, go ahead - I am least
bothered. Just don’t cross people who don’t want a part of it and ruffle our feathers. We keep our cool for our own sake.
If you put one toe beyond the line, you will get what you deserve.

What’s with the need to objectify women always? When there is a
crime against women, the focus gets shifted from the fact that the
crime was committed to the fact that the woman in concern has dressed
provocatively or was out at late night. I'd like to agree that it
would do women to err on the side of caution, but why is that even a
factor? Are you an animal driven by hormone binge sans rational
thinking? Why can’t you just let us be?

February 22, 2013

This is one common line which I heard from couple of people when my daughter was born. However, not to mention that their tone never had that excitement if in real Goddess of wealth had arrived with a big gunny bags of gold & diamonds!!

The consolation in most of the people’s tone was quite audible. Sorry to say but like reading between the lines sometimes you can hear beyond the lines. Few smart ones quickly said “It doesn’t matter it is a boy or a girl, just a hale & hearty baby”. and these are the smart ones to alter their original comments because of my ‘firebrand’(!!) nature but forget to wipe the consolation in their tone.

One of my elderly relative said 'Ohhhh (I am stressing on this big Ohhh)….daughters bring good luck to family'. Excuse me…if I had given birth to a son then why would have his ‘luck quotient’ had been lesser???

When I was in my 2nd trimester, there were two or three more female colleagues who were expecting. So we used to have our group discussion forum on maternity issues anytime, anywhere…. Few other female colleagues (generally moms) would also join us. One day, a mom of a 2 year old brought a fun test (a questionnaire kind of list which asks whether you like to eat sweet or salty food, which side of your tummy the baby has more movements…) to decide the gender of the unborn baby. All of us took the test for fun. After an hour I found one of the preggo ladies crying in the washroom. When I asked she told me that how mean of that other lady who deliberately twisted the test and told her it’s a girl!!! I got so irked that I sarcastically said that she can very well exchange her result with mine( I got the result that it’s a boy) and barged out of the restroom. Imagine an educated lady, working in a MNC crying because someone told her she would a mother to a girl….horrible!!!!

She had told me later that how her SIL (a MBA, mother of a male child) says that at least the first child should be a boy so that her importance in her household is maintained. I felt even she was also quite convinced with this logic!!!

Another really weird viewpoint I heard when one of my close relative told me that if my genes overshadows my hubby’s genes then it would be a girl ( we are two sisters only, no brothers and my hubby has a young brother, no sisters)and vice versa. What a twisted genetic theorem…..I really felt like taking out my notepad & pen and explaining her complete XX & XY chromosome theory!!!!

Some futuristic people advised me to start saving money for my girl. When I asked snapped them if it had been a boy then a saving was not needed, they few got the drift and changed the topic to “money is nowadays such a necessity for better upbringing of a child”.

I really fail to understand why there is crazy attitude to have a son. Might be I won’t ever experience it as my parents never injected this fact that I have done some crime being a girl. We are two sisters and my parents never yearned for a son. When I was pregnant I read the news of a newborn girl killed by her mother in some village, I literally begged to Almighty that “please if a baby boy is in my womb exchange it to someone’s girl who are crazy for a son” (You see…pregnancy hormones were elevated at their best that time…J!!!!)

Jokes apart, I really feel sorry for these people. Some traits are injected so deeply that even high education cannot wash it. Another very common term I had heard that “Ye meri beti nahi beta hai (She is not a daughter but a son to me). This again turns me off. Why can’t we accept our girls as simple human daughters without labeling them as Goddess, good/bad luck charm or a son? Why any daughter has to prove their mettle by camouflaging as a son?

But I had saved the best for the last: My girl is fairer as compared to me and my hubby. So one of the elderly relative told me that “Good she is fair….you won’t face any difficulty while searching a match for her” Damn…Give me a break!!!

February 4, 2013

Each of us would have nostalgic moments of childhood and with the world changing at a deadly pace, we know that we have come so far from what we were. However, when you think of it you sense the core personality just lingering in there, despite of any number of masks that you might have to wear for the part of fulfilling the grown-up life.

My childhood was awesome, maybe I didn't know it back then but it was really. The first time when I learnt to ride a bicycle, the first time I fell down, the first struggle or breath as I learned swimming, those kulfis during the summer holidays, silly fights with brother on who gets the bigger piece of cake, the umpteen number of times I fell down and hurt myself... these seem so silly on the outlook. However, now that I cannot go back to those days, these seem like the bigger part that I am missing. When I look at the colorful stationery that's in market these days, I am reminded of the first time I held a micro-tip pencil :) When I look at the dresses the kids wear these days, I am reminded of the frilly frocks that were the only option for small-town girls like me in those days. I know I didn't have a lot of options, but not having so options that it is practically confusing you was good.

Today, I can hardly buy anything without regretting that I could have bought a better one which I see a little later. It happens. There are so many things and so many options. I see parents bringing their kids to malls and letting them play around as they shop. I accept that I didn't get to even know what a mall is back then, but I frankly would prefer that. Eating out was an occasion back then. It is a routine today. When I win the proficiency prize of the year, my dad used to take the family out to celebrate. That elated feeling.. :)

When I see kids playing with ipads and ipods, I am reminded of those days when I used to run around playing all the silly games in the world. I would be tired when I am done, but I never got bored of it. In fact, I used to beg my mom for 5 more minutes of play time. Today, all that has shrunk. My favorite past-time was to try climb to the top of the slippery pillar in our hall (our home was a very ancient one which has all those pillars and lengthy halls with many rooms). Each time I had to try without getting caught by the elders. :) We had only Doordharshan back then since we were a joint family and one or the other kid was invariably preparing for the board exam. DD and it's silly serials.. Shaktimaan, Alif-laila, Oliyum Oliyum (A friday programme which broadcasts movie songs), the sunday movie.. How can I get over all those?

The little things.. the finer print... You never see it but one day realize that it really matters. I admit frankly that I am a little sad that I cannot give my child that awesome experience which I had. My child would not complain since it never knew what it was. Even if I try to explain, it would seem so plain, simple and restricted. I am not saying everything is wrong with the current lifestyle, but given my choice, my heart would prefer that life. When options were limited and happiness unlimited :)