“A guy got on the plane [and he was] really drunk. He told me that he knows where I lived, and he actually did,” says a 21-year-old flight attendant for a major airline who asked that his name not be used for professional reasons.

“He knew the train stop that I get off at, and he knew everything about me. Then he said, ‘I protect you every day. You need to protect me.’ I asked what he meant. He said he makes sure I get to my home in Queens safely every day. He told me that I need to make sure he gets to LA safely.”

Freaked out by the encounter, the flight attendant called the police and had the man removed from the plane before takeoff. On the way out, the man started screaming profanities at the steward, who to this day still has no idea how the stranger knew so much information about him.

With 25 million or so people flying this holiday season — which promises to be the busiest year yet for travel — crowded flights will bring out the worst in passengers. While outrageous behaviors will ultimately get you kicked off the plane — and possibly banned from the airline for life — those on the front lines reveal that small annoyances can also have consequences.

Flight attendants have seen the most bizarre behavior.Photo: Shutterstock

“When we had problems with a really bad passenger, we would tell the captain and he could have them arrested upon landing,” says Bobbi Noro, a 39-year-old former flight attendant for Delta who now works at a spa. “If you say the word ‘bomb’ on a plane, you are pretty much banned from flying.”

The 21-year-old steward heard of a guy who decided to light up a joint in the lavatory, which set off the smoke detector.

“They used a special key to unlock the [bathroom] door and a bunch of pot smoke billowed out. He was on his hands and knees, trying to flush it down the toilet and succeeded — a lot of people don’t. He spent the rest of the flight presumably super stoned, flying and waiting for the police to arrest him upon landing. Which they did.”

Even lesser incidents, such as drinking to the point of becoming belligerent or arguing with a flight attendant, could land you on the airline’s no-fly list.

According to a Southwest Airlines spokesperson, “Reasons vary among airlines [for no-fly lists] and not all air carriers have them. The carriers that do have them establish their own standards for placing someone on their internal ‘do not board’ list. It can be related to things like previous behavior, fraud, causing a diversion, etc.”

Of course, most passengers don’t come close to meeting that standard. Often, it’s the most frequent flyers who get under the skin of in-flight employees.

“They act like it’s a private plane and think we’re there to serve them,” says Elaine Swann, 48, a former Continental flight attendant who now teaches etiquette. “I’ve had people bring in food from the outside and tell me to heat it up.”

Kara Mulder spent eight years working for a major airline.Photo: courtesy of Kara Mulder

Another annoyance is passengers who bring too many bags and then have nowhere to put them. Flight attendants get paid only for time in the air, so wasting precious minutes on the ground will turn you into an instant enemy.

“I remember a French family that came on with kids and a bunch of luggage,” says Kara Mulder, 30, who spent nearly eight years working for a major carrier and now writes a blog called the Flight Attendant Life. “We told them that the bags need to be checked — and the dad left them in the aisle. Finally he moved his suitcases — after being told to do so four or five times.”

Surprisingly, when it comes to the mile-high club, flight attendants will raise nary an eyebrow. “I heard from a flight attendant about a couple having sex on a red-eye,” says Swann. “They were spooning in the seat and had covered themselves up with a blanket. The flight attendant was embarrassed and walked away.”

While getting banned from the airline for most of these incidents is unlikely, there’s a grosser fate: crop-dusting.

“That’s what can happen to annoying passengers,” says Noro. “I’ve never done it, but I know that others do. They walk past annoying passengers, toward the end of the flight, and pass gas.”

She adds: “Also, if there were bitchy passengers in first class, we would throw their fur coats on the bathroom floor. They never knew we did it.”

‘I’ve had people bring in food from the outside and tell me to heat it up.’

- Elaine Swann, former flight attendant

Additionally, people who seem to be getting tipsy, says Swann, “will have their cocktails watered down [in first class].” In coach, where you make your own drinks and order alcohol via touch screen, you can be digitally cut off at the flight attendant’s discretion.

But just as passengers can get flight attendants annoyed, you can also angle into their good graces: Bring a box of chocolates and you will receive the best service of your life. On the less fawning and more practical side, arrive prepared — so that you have your own beverage and are not asking for glasses of water pre-takeoff — and be ready for delays with food, drink, and a book to read or movie to watch.

When typical holiday holdups happen, stay cool. “Yelling and complaining and acting like a bully does not make the flight leave any earlier,” says a veteran stewardess.

Mulder also advises that you remain cognizant of “a flight’s cadence so you’re not running to the restroom as we’re landing.” Most critically, know your own health — and prepare for it ahead of time. “Tell the flight attendant you are sick. You might be able to be put in the back of the plane, near the bathroom, away from other passengers,” says Noro. “Bring hand sanitizer and tissues and swab down the tray tables with Lysol wipes.”

But just know that sometimes being in the air is not a viable option. “One of my last flights, a guy on the plane threw up 20 times,” Mulder says. “We wore gloves and used bags to clean it all up. If you’re sick, please fly on another day. Or else it’s miserable for everyone.”