FUCKING FRIDAY: Nelly arrested for dealing fucking meth

Hot take: Nelly’s run of bangers throughout the early-2000’s is the greatest of all time. “Hot in Herre,” “Ride Wit Me,” “Country Grammar” and last, but certainly not least: “Shake Ya Tailfeather” all have the power to turn a party from an awkward collection of under-aged drinkers to a FUCKING RAGER. As an amateur DJ (ok, someone who likes to snag the aux cord after a couple Rolling Rocks) Nelly’s music is a crutch. When people aren’t turning up like they should, I always turn to Nelly to get them going. Nelly has always and will always make the party lit.

But this isn’t a blog about Nelly’s GOAT run. This blog comes with great sadness and consternation. Our lord and savior, Nelly, was arrested for possession of drugs with intention to sell…including meth.

First all: WHAT THE FUCK BRO? METH? YOU’RE RICH. YOU DON’T NEED THAT SHIT.

*Composes self*

Sorry about that, but as you can tell I’m pretty emotional about this. Really Nelly? That BET reality show money wasn’t enough? You had to go out and deal fucking meth from your tour bus. That’s not what geniuses should be doing.

Nelly, I’m talking to you. You need to think about the ramifications for your actions. And not the selling meth part, I don’t really care about that. I’m worried about the damage to your character. The canceled shows. The hurt fans. The St. Lunatics! Murphy Lee must be worried sick right now, all because of your irresponsible choices.

Let’s be real here for a second. You were already sort of irrelevant. But it was the perfect kind of irrelevant. You weren’t “weird on Instagram” irrelevant like Chingy. Or “he very well might be dead” irrelevant like J-Kwon. You were “former star with a reality show” irrelevant and that’s all we ever wanted. When your music came on we didn’t have to think about anything, just the beautiful tunes flowing in our ears. But now, there will always be that fucking asshole to say, “didn’t he get arrested for dealing meth?” while people are just trying to jam out to “Grillz.”

Your mug shot. It just looks…wrong. Like Jordan playing baseball, your grip on the world was just gone. There’s no defiance. There’s no charm. There’s just bewilderment. I know that most people would look that way if they got arrested for selling meth, but I expected better out of you, Nelly. You made the “Tip Drill” music video. I just… I just thought it would be different.

I keep going back to the same question: why meth? I’ve watched enough Breaking Bad to know that meth is not okay. Meth is scary, bro. You don’t need that. You’re fucking Nelly. You’re better than this. You weren’t even on some low-key Walter White shit, you were just another dude selling drugs out of a tour bus.

Providence College canceled their Nelly performance and replaced him with Panic! at the Disco. Come on, it’s not 2008! It’s 2003! I want people to be able to hear “Hot in Herre” live and make out with someone they don’t know.

Will you ever come back from this? I don’t know. Let’s be real here for a second: your music isn’t what it used to be and your reality show is whack. “Hey Porsche” is trash. All I can hope is that our image of you won’t be tarnished. You mean a lot to me, Nelly, I just want your legacy to hang on. Listen, I’ll still put your music on at the next party I go to. But when that asshole brings up your arrest, I just don’t know if I’ll be able to defend you.