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Author
Topic: why don't i feel sexual (Read 13549 times)

have not felt sexual since the person that gave me the HIV. It has been over 3 years since we broke up. now i have not dated and I'm afraid of my feeling about sex. I love to meet someone but don't no what to do. How do I trust enought to have sex.

It really is tough, I know that feeling of not trusting and not even feeling. I think the first step is just getting out in the first place with close friends or whoever makes you comfortable. For me it was girlfriends who knew about my status and just encouraged me to leave the house to go out to hang out and to find my fun side again. Starting with feeling comfortable with myself again was a big step. Next came dating hmmmm........... I made friends first talked, laughed, shared until one day I told them I was positive. in my experience one person ran in the opposite direction then called weeks later to say we could be friends but they could not handle a relationship. and then I met someone who said ok and then went on every website available to read up on infection what was safe to do and what was not etc etc etc........ of course that did not lead to sex right away but it meant he was informed and like he said he liked me before he knew so why should my status limit his feelings My sexual feelings have changed not that i was always horny or anything but it is different and I find that sexual feelings come from a feeling of being accepted and loved and cared for.

All the best on your search and in the meantime LOVE YOURSELF

Logged

tendai

i agree with kim. i think u need to get out more, meet people, maybe join a support group and get to love yourself. who knows u might meet someone who's going to get that feeling back. i wish u all the best. dont be alone al

have not felt sexual since the person that gave me the HIV. It has been over 3 years since we broke up. now i have not dated and I'm afraid of my feeling about sex. I love to meet someone but don't no what to do. How do I trust enought to have sex.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Whew! maybe Energizer batteries should change the mascot from the bunny to the "rabbit". that would make a fun commercial. But Al, I understand the feeling of not feeling sexual. I haven't been with another since my diagnoses in Nov. It's not a loss of drive, but more uncertainty about the curves in the road. I still have some research to do and to learn about "safe sex" about what can and should not be done. Besides not having a partner. I still really dread the whole getting to a point of disclosure. A former partner called out of the blue a few days ago to inform me she was newly single and and said she would like to get together for "our kind of fun". She has rather specific needs. I would be more than happy to oblige but am gunshy about my status. still trying to figure it out. Maybe for now I'll just take Betty's recommendation and check out xtube.

Well my 'problem with this is the other way around ..............I guess?

Stress makes me want sex more - and with another person, I have a 'rabbit' etc and other toys etc but I want a person behind it if at all possible

Since my diagnoses I have felt more 'randy; rather than less.......................

But I am currently with the person who infected me and have no real option or desire to seek or have sex with anyone else - even if I wanted to , too seek a new partner now I have HIV is just too problematic to even contemplate. If I was single I may have to consider it so my heart goes out to all of you that have to tackle this issue - but I have a partner/husband right now and all I want is a bit of sex now and then with him. I would be happy with once a month!!!!!!!!!!!!

So my problem is since his HIV diagnosis he does not feel at all like sex at all!!!!!!

God Men's sexuality is so fragile? - mine isn't - if in stress I want sex more as it helps to let go this way

But in fact he now 'cant get it up'

No interest at all on his part, he does not even masturbate, he has not since the day of his diagnosis!!! He was fine up to the day before so this is probably psychological - So not just uninterested in me - he is uninterested in sex altogether!!!!

So that leaves me feeling that him acquiring HIV ironically has not just given me this awful thing but also deprived me of sex and intimacy I enjoy and need for comfort and the release with another person I need especially when upset as I am right now

- which is ironic as it was through sex that he got this thing and brought it home to me!!

Oh well - life can be pretty ironic can't it?Especially it seems when you have HIV?

I do understand - just as I do understand my partners reasons for why since he knew he had HIV he is just not interested in sex .

I guess our feelings re sex are very complicated and so tied in with the whole of who we are?

and something like HIV diagnosis will really involve just so much of your feelings .

I do want sex now I have HIV

But a few yeas ago I had severe Post Natal Illness for 5 years or so and during this time I did not want sex at all and it felt like I had no feelings at all sexually! Then once I recovered from PNI I was fine again re sex?

Could you be suffering depression/anxiety etc due or alongside HIV ? As depression/anxiety etc often leads to loss or or no libido?

Or as other have suggested have you considered go gin to a counsellor ? It relay helpem me to ave conselling when I have Post Natal Illness

As you may have feelings around so many things that are as yet not totally conscious i.e - fear of infecting someone else, fear of being infected again and developing a 'superinfection' feelings of low self worth or that you are 'dirty' to even want sex when you have HIV, fear of rejection if you have to tell them of your status, or even fear of the consequences/ethics if you do not - it seems to me that sex when you have HIV is a potential minefield!! No wonder it is not easy for some and that some cope by just not having any sexual desire?

Or that having HIV changes the dynamics of sex for you i.e some women/people need to feel certain things to want to have sex i.e a challenge, hard to get or slightly hard to get, clean, Innocent, virginal, powerful, submissive etc ....................only suggstions our sexuality is complicated and unique but I know having HIV can affect the way you aproach/need to feel to have sex.

I have realised that even in my short time of knowing I have HIV that it changes the dynamics of sex for me - maybe it does for others too?

Sorry if my post is out of order - I am new here, so do not know what is acceptable to express here and what is not?

But I am sure that if you want sex - that it is possible to overcome this and desire sex again- as the will too is there with you. Sex is such an important and wonderful part of life -I hope it will come right for you.

And for my sake I hope my husband can desire sex again too - and pretty soon..............................

tendai

i'm feeling totally non sexual these days. guess its stress. like veritee i used to get horny when i'm stressed but its the opposite now. cant "get it up" unless everythings okey-dokey. hopefully its just a phase