Thursday, April 21, 2011

Other things and news (spring green explanation)

I read about Libya today, the front page piece from CNN. While at the gym I saw something about CSI on forensics for identifying someone and then I saw a brief clip of Royal Maundy. I just saw the procession and the flowers and then it said, "this is a once a year event" and wondered what it was so clicked and it said maundy. I thought something, with noting the expressions but don't want to comment.

Then as writing this I had sort of an impression of the queen touching or fiddling with a broach but maybe that's someone else and I didn't particularly notice any broach on the clip I saw. I only saw the flowers and suit.

I looked at my email and saw that my parents had been visiting my son just yesterday, late, and then this morning so maybe the good energy I'm feeling is from him getting a lot of attention. That might be part of it. I even thought, "are things going to get better for me in the U.S. and is my son going to returned to me upon investigation? or am I feeling positive bc I am about to go to another country where they are going to do a great thing in helping me diagnostics and something is good about it?"

I also sort of felt, after getting something in an answer yesterday, a kind of rest too. To not worry because whatever it means I don't know exactly but there is something I feel is mutual maybe, that's it, I don't know, but it can be, and/or I just felt that God is looking over me or thinks something about me and has his own ideas and this is what to focus on. And not to even focus or rely so much on even what my parents might say, but trust god to speak to me. So in the middle of these horrible things, there was a small amount of strange peace too.

I also rationalized that I might be wrong to think my son doesn't like spring green. If that's his favorite color, I tried to think of another reason why it might be. And I found one that I thought was a possibility. My son picked out a spring green scarf for me. I didn't feel the style was his choosing at all and sensed it wasn't but maybe the color--not sure. But I thought yesterday, "Cameo, think about why your son might be drawn to spring green and associate this with you." And I thought and thought about some oliver green and spring green in a flowered shirt I had with orange in it that he really liked and then I suddenly remembered--the only video he has ever seen with him and me, is the one where I am wearing a solid, long-sleeved spring green shirt with jeans. I took many videos but most of the cards were stolen or contents erased and then also the police destroyed some of them. But the one I had uploaded onto youtube I asked my aunt and uncle to show my son and they did. And I don't think he forgot about it and he must have remembered me coming in to see him wearing this shirt too. I think it must have to do with him seeing the "movie of him with his mother" and it left an impression on his mind.

The whole shirt is just solid spring green. It was when I first came back from D.C. and then when they were trying to limit my visits I uploaded this to prove there was nothing wrong with our interactions.

He likes spring green because he loves his mother more than anyone, I think it's possible. And the one time he saw the marvel of a movie with him and his mother, together and happy, it was of me in a bright spring green shirt.

So I was possibly mistaken but I'm not mistaken on all things, only here and there. It is easy to be confused when I have no access to my son and when I DO know some horrific things have happened which are covered up and continue to be covered up.

Anyway, it made me feel better to think about this and maybe God helped me to remember my spring green shirt from me reading my son The Toy Story.

About Me

this is a blog about my life and thoughts on: clergy abuse (Mt. Angel Abbey); defamation by press (Willamette Week); freedom of speech; abuse of government powers; religion, and other social issues; and the art & humor in routine life; and is dedicated to my son