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Why Forgive?

A quick lesson on the power of forgiveness.

Your mother says something offensive. Your best friend does something that drives you batty. Or maybe your spouse lies to you. Your first response may be to plot your revenge and to never let that person back into your life. But is that the best response? Is that going to give you the most satisfying and fulfilling life possible?

In short, no. Holding grudges may give some kind of odd satisfaction, but it will not make your life better. Don’t believe it? Keep reading to learn about the power of forgiveness and why you should start letting those grudges slip through your fingers.

It Acknowledges a Problem

In order to seek or offer forgiveness, there has to be recognition of a problem. Otherwise, why forgive? When someone comes to you asking forgiveness, they’re saying they messed up and they acted directly against you. By granting forgiveness, you’re not saying what they did is no big deal. You’re saying it is a big deal, but that you appreciate that they recognized this and came to you to make things right.

When you forgive, you in no way change the past, but you sure do change the future. - Bernard Meltzer

Lets You Move On

Remember when your coworker threw you under the bus in that big meeting in order to avoid getting in trouble? Well, that’s a natural reaction that people have. Everyone tries to protect themselves first. If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll realize that you’re the same way. Hence why your initial response is to never trust that coworker again.

However, you have a lot of projects that require close collaboration with that coworker in the future. Holding a grudge and not forgiving the individual will prevent you from doing your work well. So at the next big meeting, if you don’t forgive your coworker, you won’t have to worry about her throwing you under the bus. Your poor work performance will do it for you.

Forgiving that coworker gives you a lighter conscience that you’ve done the right thing, even if the other person hasn’t. And if you fully forgive, you’re able to live peacefully with that person and continue to perform well at work, enjoy a full life at home, and sleep well at night.

Opens the Others’ Eyes

It may seem strange, but when someone wrongs you, he doesn’t always know it. Don’t suspect every wrong you feel was intentional and hold a grudge against an unknowing offender. Rather, go to that person and let him know how he hurt you and that you forgive him for it. Supposing he is unaware of the offense, he will likely work to prevent such an offense going forward.

If that person doesn’t change his future actions, he is doing them purposefully. You still should forgive him, but there is no need to allow him to continue abusing you in the future. Find other friends and move on.

Opens Your Eyes

The act of forgiving others (or wishing they would come to you asking forgiveness) should make you aware of the wrongs you do others. When this happens, don’t let guilt bog you down. Rather, begin to examine your own motives and actions. Find those moments when you’re caring more for yourself and less for others, purposefully looking out for your interests while ignoring those of your neighbors, and then go to those you’ve offended for forgiveness. Because you’re quick to forgive others and willing to re-establish relationships without holding past wrongs over people’s heads, they’ll be more likely to do the same!