Must say that I am bloody annoyed with the cancer research. Their latest plan is a ‘dryathlon’ in January, essentially a month off the booze. From a marketing perspective this is genius, everybody is making new years resolutions and promising to get fit so it’s an easy sell. But I don’t think that they have looked at the business case properly, if they had they may have chosen a different month.

A lot of money is raised for charities in pubs and their answer seems to be to try and destroy the trade on the toughest month of the year, thanks guys. Given that we are all supposed to be showing cancer how we won’t be beaten I’m thinking a new year’s slogan of “F**k cancer I’m going for a pint”. Or perhaps the licensed trade should have their own campaign in February under the guise of “support your local”. If everybody stopped giving to charity for a month and spent that money in the pub the trade would be in growth and we would all be happier. After all spending money in a pub gives tangible enjoyment, real smiles and you know where the money has gone. Give the money to charity and you get one picture of a hungry child with a biscuit and pay for some dictators gold taps!

I spent some time this weekend confirming that we are all different. I know that it’s not very pc to say this but really we are. There is some dark force in the world that is trying to tell us that we are all the same and should all be treated equally, well that’s just garbage.

There are reasons why we are different and they are good biological reasons. There is no technical reason why I cannot wear a dress but I don’t because it is wrong and I don’t wish to see adults cry. Because there are still acres of Indians that don’t have a job in a call centre and enjoy sewing, clothing is relatively cheap. This means that skin tight jeans are available in sizes that they were never intended to be. The big problem with skin tight jeans is perspective. When the wearer is pulling these garments on she will see how slimming it is for her calves, that’s the last sight she sees and it’s good. The reason for this, as we all know, is that the lard moves up resulting in a sight that, from the knees up, belongs on safari.

Dresses are the same, we are told that it is wrong that only the super slim should wear them and that, of course, is true. But the same is true of the top end, they shouldn’t wear them. I think that we should introduce a decency test when these things are made. If Manjula can use the dress as a parachute it is good to go. If her cousin can also float safely to the ground with her then it is ok. If the entire village can leap from a plane with the garment as their parachute then cut it up and never speak of the monstrosity again. It is not cruel or mean to make these observations, if you want to wear some clothes you need to eat less.

The same is true of men who follow fashion blindly. Whilst a screen star can carry off a photo shoot wearing a flying jacket a 5’6″ balding man cannot. It is not a curse upon him nor is it discrimination it’s nature pure and simple. Dogs can’t fly but do they complain and demand the opportunity? Of course not, equality is the curse of the privileged.

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