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Saturday Night Live: That’s a bingo

After Justin Bieber’s terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad hosting gig last week (I understand why it happened, I just really wish it hadn’t), this week we were rewarded with Christoph Waltz, a host who can actually act. Not only can Christoph Waltz actually act, he’s been given prizes for acting. That’s how good he is as an actor! Prize-winning good! Fortunately for us, he also has a sense of humor in spite of being an Serious Prize-Winning Actor. As such, Christoph Waltz was clearly enjoying himself as host of Saturday Night Live. He embraced being goofy without mugging or dominating the sketches; he tackled two of the most gleefully sacrilegious characters in SNL history; and not once did he flash his abs to score easy points with the audience.

That’s not to say that the episode was perfect; not all of the sketches worked, and even some of the funnier bits felt interminable. But between Alabama Shakes’ startlingly good musicalperformances, and Waltz’s infectious giddiness, this episode can be checked off in this season’s positive column.

As cold opens go, the Carnival cruise ship bit was better than most. It did drag a bit, but all cold opens do; 6 minutes is just a bit too long for most sketches. Still! It managed to be timely and sharp while relying on only one intentionally bad celebrity impersonation. (I will note that in the wake of that one bus transporting passengers to New Orleans breaking down on the way, the idea of the tow line snapping is kind of adorable in comparison.)

Speaking of sketches that go on too long, “What Have You Become?” was, in concept, an alright idea. But just it took so long to get to the obvious punchline, and then once there suffered from the most common SNL sketch ailment: How Do We End This-itis. (Points to Aidy Bryant, though, for being the funniest and most surprising element in the sketch.)

While we’re having this conversation on the length of sketches, I think that their relative brevity might be a large part of the reason why the commercial parodies are often the strongest sketches in any given episode. Not only do the writers have a source material to work from that the audience is well familiar with (everyone knows what a beer ad or pharmaceutical ad is supposed to look like), but they are also constricted to a limited about of time, somewhere between 90 seconds and 2 minutes, forcing the writers to only use their best material. This “Papal Securities” ad is a perfect example of the writers using the funniest visual gags they had in their arsenal (the “bless this mess” apron was inspired) to create a memorable commercial parody.
And now I will quit dissecting Saturday Night Live as though I were writing about it for one of my college Communications courses.

Look, everyone! It’s the birth of a recurring character! Just go ahead and welcome “Tippy” into your lives because I’m guessing she’s going to be sticking around ruining actually funny things for seasons to come.

Perhaps the funniest and most dangerous bit of the night was the fake trailer for the Tarantino revenge film, “Djesus Uncrossed.” It was shocking, sacrilegious and SPOT-ON. Tarantino himself couldn’t have created a more Tarantino-esque trailer. Cue the outrage in 3 … 2 …

WAIT, I have some more to say about the length of sketches and commercial parodies: the “Jamarcus Brothers” bit proves my point. It is 3 minutes 15 seconds long, which is roughly 1 minute 15 seconds too long (if I’m being generous). It’s not that it’s not funny, it is! Christoph Waltz, in particular, is delightful as Englebert Jamarcus, and it’s always good to put the host in material in which s/he can shine. I just think it could have been a lot tighter. And shorter. A lot shorter.

As I’m sure you know, in large part because I whine about it constantly, I hate SNL recurring characters. And by all measures, I should truly hate “Regine,” Fred Armisen’s aggressive and sexually inappropriate creation. However, there is something about Regine’s terribleness and lack of self-awareness that places her more in the “2 A-Holes” category of funny recurring characters, than in the cartoonish and irritating “Gilly” category of recurring characters. This is not to say that Regine won’t slip across that line into overly broad and headache-inducing — Armisen certainly pushes it, especially in this bit — but as for now, Regine seems more like a character that might be featured on Portlandia than one who will be featured on t-shirts and coffee mugs.

Finally (because I’m not even going to talk about whatever that last “Secret Admirer” sketch was other than boring and misguided), the always funny “Fox & Friends” bit featuring Ted Nugent. I know saying that this recurring sketch is funny doesn’t win me any fans amongst those Fox viewers who consider the news channel sacrosanct and the only bastion of truth and the American way, but from what I gather in the comments every week, those same folks haven’t watched a single episode of SNL since Chevy Chase left. So, enjoy! Or get your rant on in the comments! Whichever!

The “Fox & Friends” corrections that scroll by too quickly, and are always the best part of any episode:

At no time did our military fight a war against Cobra.
The “T” in BLT does not stand for “terrorism.”
Meteors are not coming to take your guns.
It is not Roe vs. Dwayne Wade.
Zero Dark Thirty is not a diet soda.
The Vatican is not accessible through a wardrobe.
Food stamps are not used to mail food.
Armadillo is not Spanish for “arms dealer.”
Navy Seals are not actual seals with laser beams on their heads.
“That’s not a knife, this is a knife” is not the Australian National Anthem.
At no time did the passengers on the Carnival Cruise ship become zombies.
Beyonce cannot hypnotize animals.
“Adele” is a singer. “A Dell” is a computer.
February is a month.
Marco Rubio did not bring pasta back from China.
The Staten Island Ferry will not give you money for teeth.
The real Abraham Lincoln lived longer than 3 hours.
More people died from gun violence last year than from walking into elevator shafts.
The Constitution did not “write itself.”
Bruno Mars is from Earth.
There are no Americans in the Bible.
The tie goes to the runner.
Not all amputees kill their girlfriends.
Zumba is not a secret form of Santeria.
North Korea is not a Cloud City.
A “pin code” and a “pine cone” are two different things.
The kid on Modern Family did not start out in porn.
Joe Biden’s teeth are real and do not pick up radio waves.
Polar bears are rarely “asking for it.”
Kobe beef is not meat from the flesh of Kobe Bryant.
A “period piece” is not a movie that only plays during one week of the month.
Plants are alive, but they cannot watch TV.
A transgender is not a car that can be driven by men and women.
Kate Upton is not dating a glacier.
God does not sneeze electricity.
The similar names of the North Dakota and South Dakota are not a coincidence.
Even black people love Raymond.
Mumford’s daughters are not in foster care.

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Note: This is a seattlepi.com reader blog. It is not written or edited by the P-I. The authors are solely responsible for content. E-mail us at newmedia@seattlepi.com if you consider a post inappropriate..