Thursday, September 23, 2010

If Wikipedia is higher on your favorites list than your favorite adult website…you might be a writer

If you stare at clouds in search of inspiration far too long…you might be a writer

If you select your doctors because they have Writer’s Digest in the magazine rack…you might be a writer

If you read your Facebook page merely to study human behavior…you might be a writer

If you catch your girlfriend having sex with Cormac McCarthy and all you can think is when’s he gonna finish so I can get his autograph…you might be a writer

If you are sometimes hesitant to even refer to yourself as a writer…you might be a writer

If you have a stack of old scribble filled notebooks taller than the health care bill…you might be a writer

If you ride the bus or subway just so you can study weird characters…you might be a writer

If you almost always know the ending of a movie midway through…you might be a writer

If you think Scrabble should be an Olympic event...you might be a writer

If you have an old thesaurus that looks like it’s been through a John Deere threshing machine…you might be a writer

If you start to get genuine withdrawal DT’s when your laptop is in the shop for more than a day…you might be a writer

If you’d do more to learn a neat new word than you would for a Klondike bar…you might be a writer

If the word rewrite brings you a tinge of panic…you might be a writer

If you’d rather be writing even more than you’d rather be fishing right now…you might be a writer

If you’ve ever searched through the phone book to find the perfect name for a fictional character…you might be a writer

If you’ve put off sex because you needed to finish reading one more chapter of that new novel you just bought…you might be a writer

If you sometimes dream in words instead of pictures...you might be a writer

If you can wallpaper a small cathedral with rejection letters from agents and publishers…you might be a writer

If you’ve ever stalked a literary agent…you might be a writer

If you’ve ever spent an entire vacation in Wi-Fi café…you might be a writer

If a beautiful woman with a short skirt struts by and all you can think about is how you can cleverly describe her legs in poetry or prose…you might be a writer

If you’ve considered divorce when your wife throws out your copy of Writer’s Digest before you finished reading it…you might be a writer

If you’ve ever scribbled a great idea for a plot down on the dashboard of your car while driving on the freeway…you might be a writer

If you consider Starbuck’s coffee to be one of the four main food groups…you might be a writer

If you’d rather be in Barnes and Noble than in Vegas…you might be a writer

If you are genuinely perplexed why network television has yet to come out with a show called American Writer Idol…you might be a writer

If you’ve just stayed at a Holiday Inn Express…you might be a writer

If you’ve ever asked a cop to toss you in jail for a few days because you want that prison scene in your new novel to be perfectly genuine...you might be a writer (but if you’re in jail for incest, poaching or stealing a pack of Chicklets to fill in your missing teeth before that date with your cousin…you might be a red-neck)

If you are on the NSA’s watch list due to all the unusual Google searches you’ve done…you might be a writeer

If you are over thirty and you still live in your parent’s basement…you might be a writer

If you feel that Hallmark should make a sympathy card to send to friends suffering from writers block…you might be a writer

If you take vacations to areas you think would be a great setting for a future novel…you might be a writer

If you’ve ever referred to a west coast sunset as a red-hot ingot meting thru an infinite blue block of Pacific paraffin…you might be a writer

If you can think of at least three more of these without even thinking…you might be a writer

If your written words have ever brought someone joy, tears, rage, or a smile…you might be a writer

If you’ve ever dreamed that you could change the world...you might be a writeer

If you wasted your time reading this entire thread…you might be a writer

or you might just be insane! (which in and of itself would mean…you might be a writer!)

Chimpressions...

They say that if you sit an infinite number of chimps behind and infinite number of typewriters, and allow them to peck away for an infinite spell, one will eventually, by mere statistical inevitability, pen a great novel.