Minxipedia

Have just been fiddling around with my rates page to try and make it look nicer and to add more detail to what I will and won't do. Not that it will stop numpties from calling me at 2am inviting me to their B&B 50 miles away, but hey ho, I can but try!

I have also added lunch/dinner booking rates as well as 12 hour rates. I decided to keep it simple and offer a 12 hour rate than then specify between day and overnight rates. I thought it might be fun to do some going out and eating out bookings (seeing as noone ever bloody takes me anywhere) and I can be fairly flexible about what we do.

Anyway, this is what I have written on the topic:

I do outcalls to West London, Central London and Heathrow Hotels. I will require your hotel contact number and room number in advance of leaving to visit you to confirm the booking, therefore if you are staying in a budget hotel that does not have a phone in the room I will be unable to accept your booking. I will not do outcalls to private residences, only hotels.

Outcalls to locations further than ten miles from my home may incur additional travel expenses, as I do not drive I am unlikely to travel long distances at short notice and certainly not late at night. I may request a deposit if I need to book train tickets in advance of visiting you.

Dinner DatesMy rate for a dinner or lunch date is £350. This includes four hours of my time and the split between food time and private time (i.e. the bonking) can be discussed in advance of a booking, but I expect you to be reasonable about this so not 3.5 hours in bed and a quick sandwich before I leave!

Overnights or All day RateI offer a discounted rate of £850 for 12 hours (whatever time of the day). How we spend our date will be agreed in advance , but I am happy to attend theatre performances, the cinema, tourist sightseeing and other fun pursuits (although I expect to be told in advance and not surprised with a parachute jump or similar!) I will expect to be fed at reasonable intervals and if the booking is an overnight one I would prefer some sleep or else Minxy will become Moany!

Seems OK to me and of course I am happy to negotiate over longer bookings if what you want something isn't mentioned above. However do not pester me with wanting discounts on my usual hourly rate else I will be offended and probably not wish to see you!

I can assure you that I can hold a reasonable conversation, know how to behave in public and how to hold a knife and fork.