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July 24, 2012

Be Your Own Inspiration

So yes, I've been missing in action this summer. Life just got a little wild since my last post. Juggling dating, a new career, multiple weddings, work and travel was just about all I could manage and frankly, I was feeling disconnected from writing. I just felt as if I was starting to move beyond my original intentions for OTMITM, let alone have the energy to post.

That is, until today. I was cleaning out my inbox as part of my high-pressure temp job and came across a comment (weirdly from a year ago yesterday) I had saved from my Enough post last fall which led me to read my own post. And then I read another and read another. It's a weird-enough feeling reading your own writing, especially when a year has gone by. Weirder yet when you discover that many of the same things you were struggling with and learning about yourself are still very much at play. My initial thoughts go to my poor friends who daily help me savor the good and work through the tough-and help me work through it again for as many times as it takes. You are loved and appreciated.

Then, I wonder if I have learned anything at all? It seems I have come full circle in a year, back at a crossroads after a relationship, albeit a relatively new one, has ended. Not to mention, still running into old flames on street corners! (The same week as last year when I was Blindsighted!) The universe truly boggles me with its sense of humor and the reminder that New York City is scarily small. And yet after this recent emotional upheaval/breakup, I feel myself rebounding a little quicker, back to my old tricks of keeping busy with friends and exercise sure, but also more quickly at peace despite the sense of loss of what was and what still could have been. I'm making this one less about me and more about what was right. Being grateful for what I was given, forgiving myself and him and moving forward as best I can. New friends and old have carried me through, scraping me off the floor and getting my chin up back up where it belongs. And now, rather than question that yes, there are a few lessons that take lifetimes to learn, I'm being my own inspiration. Reading about where I've been and seeing from my own words is incredibly reassuring, a sign that what feels good or hurts now is only temporary. And some of these posts are just funny! (Talk is Cheap, So Are Texts; There Should Be More Rules; and Must Have's/Can't Stand list-I really should listen to my own advice!) Regardless, it's a nice feeling to look back at yourself and chuckle. As my grandmother says, you might as well laugh as cry! Just further proof, I'm being guided and taken care of. It will all be ok. Plus, I've discovered I'm not so bad at writing.

Still, I feel the need to reveal that I probably won't spend much more time sharing here. Though grateful for its platform, I really do feel that Off the Market & In the Moment has run its course and now it's time to discover new ways to be creative and grow. It's been two years since I first attempted to go off the relationship scene and then go back on, and in August, I'll celebrate my 5th anniversary of being a New Yorker. After crying every day for the first sixth months, I never thought I'd stay beyond a year, let alone survive and thrive. Pretty inspiring to think about where I've been, who've I met, how life has changed. Sure, some things seem to have come full circle from last year, but I think the shape of most things has grown stronger just the same. Pretty inspiring stuff indeed.

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“[T]he most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.”
-Sex and the City-