Things no one warns you about the second time around…

After your first, many, many people will ask if you’re going to have any more. You might decide to.

If you do, here’s a few things you can expect.

When expecting your second baby, no matter how knackered you are – your eyes could be literally hanging out of your head – you can’t nap during the day, even if you’re not at work.

The toddler will want to play. Constantly.

If your head’s down the pan, the toddler will be on your back.

Those relaxing baths you enjoyed the first time – they’ll be shared with the toddler – until you’re the size of a planet and they can’t physically squeeze in with you and your gargantuan mass anymore.

You spend the entire third trimester freaking out about potentially being away from the toddler for days on end while you’re stuck in hospital. If you’re going to be away for days you want it to be a bloody spa break!

You’ll get the baby home and the toddler will magically stop sleeping through the night and possibly forget that they’re toilet trained for a bit – they might actually look right at you while wazzing themselves ‘have a got your attention now mother?’ – which is magical.

(This might not happen straight away. You may be lured into a false sense of security and then a couple of months down the line – BAM!)

Your toddler will give precisely zero fucks that you’ve just had a baby. You’ll be concerned that the entire world is going to fall out of you and they will still want you to pick them up/carry them/throw them around playing.

Those hobnobs that you have to eat ‘to boost your milk supply’ (honest) – they’ll have to be shared.

You will quickly become a referee.

The toddler will want to carry the baby around like a dolly.

An early sibling ‘cuddle’ can be terrifying to watch.

Jumping on the bed becomes an adrenaline sport – for you – as it’s probably happening inches away from the baby’s head.

If the baby is sleeping the toddler will shout things like ‘SHHHH, DONT WAKE THE BABY!’ While grabbing and shaking the arm acting as the baby’s pillow.

If the toddler is in nursery, you’ll actually have to get up/washed/dressed really early – you didn’t have to deal with this shit last time.

You will sit at times and wonder why you haven’t gone bald.

Watching them together is ace though. The house is full of laughter and for every shit bit there’s ten amazing bits.