When PETA And Cattle Ranchers Fight, Joan Jett And America Lose

For some reason we cannot discern, Joan Jett was supposed to ride atop South Dakota’s float in the upcoming Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, but then this made the cattle ranchers sad because of how Joan Jett does not love meat and only loves PETA.

Now, we have only ever seen that parade through a haze of bourbon and turkey, so we had no idea whatsoever that the parade had anything but those giant terrifying Muppet balloons.

Yes, yes, we know that the parade starts at like 9am and that is probably too early to be drunk and turkey-filled and fuck you what are you implying?

Anyway. Joan Jett. South Dakota. Two great tastes that do not make any sense together whatsoever. Joan Jett was not born in South Dakota. Joan Jett does not live in South Dakota. Joan Jett seems to have no connection whatsoever with South Dakota, so we’re hard-pressed to discern how this arrangement ever came about in the first place. We needn’t worry our pretty little heads any longer, it appears, because that partnership has imploded.

Rock star Joan Jett was removed from a parade float representing South Dakota in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade after ranchers protested her appearance, saying she’s a vegetarian and a critic of their livestock production.

Jett is a supporter of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, the world’s largest animal rights group that promotes a vegetarian diet and condemns factory farms and ranches.

Great. So now we have to choose whether to back the cattle ranchers who are prolly the same sort of people that bullied Oprah about what how you can never say anything bad about meat, or we have to back PETA, which is pretty much unpossible for us thanks to things like the “my vegan boyfriend fucked me so hard I need a neck brace” and “Pokemon desensitizes children to animal cruelty” and cudgel-handed posters like this.

Joan Jett, why did you do this to us? Why couldn’t you have decided to hop on the float of a nice liberal state like California instead? That’s really where your veggie-loving heart belongs. No idea, however, who should end up on the South Dakota float. Find us some famous South Dakotans musicians, people. We can’t do everything for you.

Just what I need, more guro on the internet.(Don’t Google that word. Seriously.)

Annie Towne

I Googled it and got “teacher of Filipino martial arts, alt. spelling for ‘guru.'” as the first result. (Yes, yes, there were more, shall we say, less pleasant results of the search, but this is Happy Nice Time, remember? Let’s pretend that’s all it means. We’ll all be happier.)

mtn_philosoph

I don’t know about either JJ or the ranchers but…I dig lobster roll!Drop another one in the hot pot, baby…