It amazes me how many "ghost
hunter" shows there are on TV these days, considering that
they never find anything conclusive. They generally consist of
a bunch of Cockney con artists (or other reliable sources) reacting
to nothing while bathed in eerie infrared light.

"My God! It's 5 degrees
colder in the basement than it was in the kitchen!" says
the second. Before the audience can figure out that's perfectly
normal another one says "Did you see that light streak?
Let's show the replay!" Which they do, and yes there is
a light streak, but it could be anything from a reflection to
bad camera work.

And, of course, there's the
recordings:

"Okay, we left the recorder
here overnight, let's see what it picked up!"

Recorder: HISSSSSSS blurble
HISSSSSSSS"

"Did you hear that? It
clearly said "I died in 1936!"

So, being naturally skeptical,
we did some research on the paranormal. We had questions; what
are ghosts? Why do they stay on this Earthly plane? Do they get
a senior discount?

Here are some actual cases
that may prove the existence of ghosts:

In 1968 Merle Crowder of Bassmouth,
Florida bought a house that had previously been a mortuary, slaughterhouse,
slave market, brothel and used car lot. Oh yes, it was also the
scene of the infamous Bassmouth Manatee Massacre, which needs
no introduction. When his family moved in strange things started
to happen. They thought it was haunted, but no one believed them.
Except the neighbors, who burned the house down.

On a bleak December day in
1973 Thor Mucilage of Muncie, Indiana killed his entire family
with a rolled up copy of Vanity Fair. Since then, no one
in Muncie can read Vanity Fair without feeling a cold
chill run down their spine. Of course, as no one in Muncie reads
Vanity Fair, it's really not a problem.

Even people who don't know
the dark history of Bleak Outlook Cottage in Rockport, Massachusetts
feel the presence of something terribly evil when they enter.
It's the owner, Peabody J. Whiffle, who no one wants to visit
anyway.

Upon hearing about this story
Mercy Mee of Galveston, Texas wrote to us about a strange
thing that happened to her one night:

"I was strangling my
husband Lars when I heard a voice saying 'Go the distance!'.
I thought it was a sign, but it turned out that Field of Dreams
was on TV in the other room. But I figured 'what the Hell', and
finished the job. I've never been bothered by evil spirits since!
Of course, I never was before, Lars just had to go."

The people of Starkweather,
Maine tell the story of a strange light that they see in the
sky at night. After driving all that way to investigate, it turned
out to be the lights of Portland some sixty miles away. Ah, that
dry Yankee humor!

Undeterred, we then traveled
to that hotbed of ghostly activity, Gettysburg, Pennsylvania.
That terrible battle in July of 1863 saw over 50,000 soldiers
dead, wounded or missing. Many think this terrible suffering
makes Gettysburg one of the most haunted places in America. Local
resident Otto Salmon spends much of his time roaming the battlefields
in search of ghosts. He has many stories to tell. We met him
at the Wailing Pickett Tavern for drinks.

"Yep", he said,
"I've seen things, heard things, felt things you can't imagine!"
He took a deep draw from his bucket of scotch and leaned over.
"Once, I clearly saw the ghost of General Ulysses S. Grant
walking across Little Round Top!"

We pointed out to him that
General Grant was nowhere near Gettysburg during the battle.
He was adamant.

"It was Grant, alright!
He looked right at me! Or should I say... through me!"

We assured him he shouldn't
and let him go on, as we could write off the bar tab on our taxes.

"And another time a column
of Union troops marched right through my rutabaga patch!"

We pointed out that according
to the local papers it was a group of Civil War reenactors (the
28th Massachusetts specifically, but you didn't hear it from
me) and that they were merely lost. Once again, he was adamant.

"This place is lousy
with ghosts! If they could vote Abe Lincoln would still be in
the White House!" With that he passed out in the nachos.

So, are you convinced? The
next time you hear a creak when no one's there, see a fleeting
motion out of the corner of your eye or see a strange light in
the woods at night, ask yourself, "What am I doing in the
woods this time of night?"