The men of
"Duck Dynasty's" Robertson family,
Phil Robertson,
Willie Robertson,
Jase and
Uncle Si, posed for the cover of
Parade magazine and spilled the beans in a video interview about two of their favorite things: their beards and their wives.

Phil and the gang have no qualms bragging about their trademark beards. "There are two kinds of individuals on planet earth who do not have beards," Phil says. "Women and youth. We are neither one." Phil's son -- and Willie's younger brother -- Jase even divulges a bit about beard hygiene. "I wash it, I pick the critters out of it, I cut it sometimes," says Jase. "You know, I'll get mad every once in a while when I'm eating ice cream. I'm like, 'I gotta do something about this.'"

Though the guys say they grew their beards for duck hunting purposes, Uncle Si chimes in with an added benefit. "It is a crime deterrent, OK," he says. "Cause when people look at us, they think twice about 'Hey, I'm gonna mug that guy.' Naw ..."

Phil, Willie and Jase's lovely ladies --
Miss Kay,
Korie Robertson and
Missy Robertson, respectively -- also participated in the cover shoot. And in similar fashion to their descriptions of how to hunt ducks, the Robertson men describe how they nabbed these fine chicks.

"We had to attract the type of wife that we wanted," says Willie. "We weren't sure at the time that the beards were gonna be the look, so it was a bait and switch." To drive the point home, Parade throws in some old photos of clean-shaven Willie and Jase sporting mullets and collared shirts, prompting Uncle Si to point out, "Both of you look like yuppies."

While on the topic of "these fine babes that we're married to," Phil -- who
broke the news he won't be staying with "Duck Dynasty" much longer -- dishes out some fatherly advice about marriage. "Carry your Bible and live by it," says Miss Kay's husband of 49 years. "There's a better chance that you will stay married if that much is true for either one of you -- male or female." He continues on about Miss Kay, "If your woman picks your ducks, and she cooks and carries her Bible ... now there's the complete package of womanhood."

As for Si's wife of 40 years, you won't be seeing her on "Duck Dynasty" because, as her husband says, "She's got better sense than the rest of us." And if you didn't even know Si was married, you weren't alone. The reality show favorite says he regularly receives marriage proposals.

"Duck Dynasty" returns to A&E with new episodes beginning Aug. 14. The Season 4 premiere revolves around a surprise anniversary party for Phil and Kay, so be sure to tune in for more bearded goodness and marital bliss. Happy, happy, happy!