Your Blogging Staff

Contributing to this blog:
- "Dave" is Dave Barry, who is a humor columnist and presidential contender.
- "judi" is Judi Smith, who is Dave's Research Department, as well as being interested in men.
- "Walter" is Walter, a bone from the penis of a walrus.

HE CAN STILL DRIVE LEGALLY IN FLORIDA

WE BET THE TROOPS ARE THRILLED

Spikes Tactical, a company that sells high-powered weapons in Central
Florida, has been attracting quite a bit of attention lately,,, Large white letters on the windows of its vehicles read: "Stay 100
meters back, or you will be shot."

April 29, 2010

REMAINDERS FLASHBACK

Here's a video of Roger McGuinn in the band hotel attempting to better his previous scores of 96 and 97 singing "Turn Turn Turn" on Amy Tan's karaoke machine, which demands that you REALLY BELT OUT THE SONG. Offering encouragement in the background are various band members, some of whom may have had a beverage or seven. Advisory: Some of the band members use coarse language, but only in heartfelt support of Roger.

ATTENTION, LADIES:

Scientists have invented what women want in a man - the sensitivity
spray. They say it is capable of turning the most macho of hunks into a
dewy-eyed baby-kisser who says all the right things and stops going down
the pub.

POSSIBLE CAUSE OF GLOBAL WARMING

April 28, 2010

WE INTERRUPT THIS BLOG

... to bring you some column-related news. We don't know if you have noticed, but we are once again posting a "classic" column on the Dave Barry page each Sunday. Some of these will be local stories that may not have been syndicated, and some will be a little more "classic" than others, if you know what we mean. If you have any favorites, be sure to let us know (and put "classic column" in the subject line, please). This one was requested by a reader from Australia.

Thank you. (Many thanks, also, to the amazing Bert for his assistance and advice.)

STEP ONE: SET UP AN INEFFECTIVE PERIMETER AROUND THE ENTIRE COUNTRY

HE IS WELCOME ON THE ROADS OF FLORIDA

The man, who had no nautical guides and only
had a roadmap to navigate by, had been trying to sail from Gillingham,
about 35 miles east of London, to Southampton on April 19 by following
the southern coast of England.

BOOBQUAKE UPDATE

April 26, 2010

24

Here is where we stand:

Jack, devastated about Renee getting sniped out of the plot, is trying to work through his feelings of grief and loss by whacking the Russians who whacked her. But President Woman President ordered Jack to be locked down because she needs the Russians for the all-important Peace Procezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Sorry! Anyway, as you would imagine, Jack did not respond well to being locked down. He stole a convenient helicopter and is now on his way toward the UN, thereby forcing Chloe, who is in charge of CTU, to order the Air Force to force him down. We frankly feel sorry for the Air Force.