Gove's burst of festive spirit

Verbal grenade: Michael Gove celebrated Christmas early by attacking the Church of England

Michael Gove celebrated Christmas early by lobbing a verbal grenade at the Church of England.

The Education Secretary – speaking to a crowd of ‘Goveite’ disciples at the historic St Mary’s Church which is in the shadow of the Archbishop of Canterbury’s Lambeth Palace – boasted how his reforms had ‘done more for our schools than the Church of England has in 500 years’.

Provocative stuff, particularly as Gove’s own children attend an ultra-exclusive C of E primary school in West London. Should make for lively Yuletide drinks with the vicar...

David Cameron’s midlife crisis is well under way. First, the 46-year-old revealed to a Westminster lunch that he got abuse on Twitter telling him to switch to a ‘Special K diet’.

Then, at Prime Minister’s Questions, he fended off a fellow Tory MP’s promise of Cornish cheese, saying: ‘I probably shouldn’t, for the sake of my weight.’

And here’s why. A dodgy knee means Mr Cameron has had to abandon his regular jogging sessions.

As a result, that Prime Ministerial spare tyre is expanding.

Will kebab-hunting Zac get rich pickings?

Zac Goldsmith has been looking for takeaways to enter the British Kebab Awards

Punters in Zac Goldsmith’s London constituency got the following Twitter message from the MP just before they headed for the pub on Friday.

He was looking for takeaways to enter the British Kebab Awards. Wise move, Zac.

Dog reckons the palate of the billionaire’s son, left, may be more suited to dishes from posh chef Heston Blumenthal than sniffing out the best ‘doner’ after six pints of lager and a bag of pork scratchings.

A tip from UK Independence Party leader Nigel Farage: always write your name on your brolly.

After losing the damn thing some time ago, Farage was delighted to be reunited with it last week – thanks to ex-Labour Cabinet Minister Jack Straw, no less.

‘Your umbrella returned forthwith,’ said Jack in a courteous handwritten note, explaining that a work colleague had found it.

‘I’d left it in licensed premises somewhere,’ confessed Farage gamely.

Col Bob’s broadside

Shortly before the bad-tempered Commons debate on gay marriage, Tory MPs Nadhim Zahawi (for) and Colonel Bob Stewart (very much against) were overheard hotly discussing the issue as they bowled along a House of Commons cloister.

As their paths diverged, Bosnian Bob, as he’s known from his military exploits, was clearly still unpersuaded.

As Nadhim disappeared through an archway, Bob bellowed a final question which split the night air: ‘Yes – but define penetration!’

Square-jawed Home Office Minister Jeremy Browne, whose Thunderbird-puppet looks have a mesmerising effect on some women, is having his first child at the age of 42.

Jeremy Browne is having his first child at the age of 42. His girlfriend Rachel is due to give birth in March

In an interview with Total Politics magazine this week, the rising Liberal Democrat star reveals that his girlfriend Rachel is due to give birth in March.