This is an offensive generalization. It plays in to the idea that men are sexual creatures and women simply oblige them without enjoying sex themselves which is just not true. Women can, and certainly some women do use sex against their partner in some fashion, but anyone, male or female, can use sex as a weapon against their partner. It can happen in any relationship (gay, straight, lesbian, and any other combination) that lacks communication and adequate conflict resolution. i think that the damage that can be done to a woman by her partner or by society, where sex is concerned, is far more insidious and damaging. This idea is a perfect example: society plants the seed of the idea that sex can be used as a weapon and women fall into the expectation, and may also fall into the expectation that they aren't supposed to have sexual needs and desires and enjoy sex as much as men.
i heard of an instance of sex being used against by a man against a female partner from a coworker this past week. My coworker asked her male partner to watch their child while she works for a few days (he's unemployed and he doesn't already have plans for those days) that their nanny would be unavailable and he told her that he would but he expected a blow job in return, and he wasn't joking, and it is his habit to make comments like this to her on a regular basis. Not only is it ridiculous for him to expect sexual favors for watching his own child, but the insinuations regarding her role in their sexual relationship are oppressive, unfair, and potentially psychologically and sexually devastating. Not to mention, they encourage her to use sex against him or to bargain with him in the future as he's opened the door to it. He's also now indicated that giving him a blow job isn't something she should enjoy or do out of love and affection and mutual enjoyment of their intimacy. Now, as a lesbian, i can't fathom enjoying giving a blow job, but on the other side of the coin, i love going down on girls and enjoy performing the act for it's own sake as well as the intimacy with my partner, not simply because my partner wishes me to do it which is how many liberated straight women i know feel about going down on their male partners. This is just a snap shot example of the damage that can be done by myths, misperceptions, generalizations and stereotypes about female roles and female sexuality.

Not for me. I genuinely enjoy sex most of the time, and if I'm not in the mood, it's because I'm sick/tired/depressed, NOT because I'm intentionally withholding it as "punishment." Actually my instinct as someone with Borderline personality tendencies is to jump right to intimacy/sex after an argument, but I know that isn't a healthy way to conduct a relationship so I don't let myself do that anymore.

Women tend to get more attention for using it as a weapon, but both sexes are pretty equal on the sexual weapon issue. What needs to be thought about prior to just an easy answer for this question, is the fact that just like many other areas in life--each sex uses the same weapon in very different and conflicting manners.

I have noticed that while women use it more as a mental/emotional tool or weapon, men use it as more of a physically/emotionally damaging tool. The end results are both extremely damaging to the partner---and every other type of relationship that person has for the rest of their life.

Women tend to get more attention for using it as a weapon, but both sexes are pretty equal on the sexual weapon issue. What needs to be thought about prior to just an easy answer for this question, is the fact
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YES---just as often as men do.

Women tend to get more attention for using it as a weapon, but both sexes are pretty equal on the sexual weapon issue. What needs to be thought about prior to just an easy answer for this question, is the fact that just like many other areas in life--each sex uses the same weapon in very different and conflicting manners.

I have noticed that while women use it more as a mental/emotional tool or weapon, men use it as more of a physically/emotionally damaging tool. The end results are both extremely damaging to the partner---and every other type of relationship that person has for the rest of their life.

This is an offensive generalization. It plays in to the idea that men are sexual creatures and women simply oblige them without enjoying sex themselves which is just not true. Women can, and certainly some women do use sex against their partner in
...

This is an offensive generalization. It plays in to the idea that men are sexual creatures and women simply oblige them without enjoying sex themselves which is just not true. Women can, and certainly some women do use sex against their partner in some fashion, but anyone, male or female, can use sex as a weapon against their partner. It can happen in any relationship (gay, straight, lesbian, and any other combination) that lacks communication and adequate conflict resolution. i think that the damage that can be done to a woman by her partner or by society, where sex is concerned, is far more insidious and damaging. This idea is a perfect example: society plants the seed of the idea that sex can be used as a weapon and women fall into the expectation, and may also fall into the expectation that they aren't supposed to have sexual needs and desires and enjoy sex as much as men. i heard of an instance of sex being used against by a man against a female partner from a coworker this past week. My coworker asked her male partner to watch their child while she works for a few days (he's unemployed and he doesn't already have plans for those days) that their nanny would be unavailable and he told her that he would but he expected a blow job in return, and he wasn't joking, and it is his habit to make comments like this to her on a regular basis. Not only is it ridiculous for him to expect sexual favors for watching his own child, but the insinuations regarding her role in their sexual relationship are oppressive, unfair, and potentially psychologically and sexually devastating. Not to mention, they encourage her to use sex against him or to bargain with him in the future as he's opened the door to it. He's also now indicated that giving him a blow job isn't something she should enjoy or do out of love and affection and mutual enjoyment of their intimacy. Now, as a lesbian, i can't fathom enjoying giving a blow job, but on the other side of the coin, i love going down on girls and enjoy performing the act for it's own sake as well as the intimacy with my partner, not simply because my partner wishes me to do it which is how many liberated straight women i know feel about going down on their male partners. This is just a snap shot example of the damage that can be done by myths, misperceptions, generalizations and stereotypes about female roles and female sexuality.

All of that!

Of course some women do, but you can't make a generalization on all females based on some. The more it's said "women use sex as a weapon" the more women will think that's what they're supposed to do. I even fell into that trap for a while because so many people seemed to act like that was the thing to do. I wasn't happy doing it because I actually *gasp* enjoy sex. I don't want to barter for it or use it as a tool to get what I want. I want to have mutually enjoyable sex.

I also second that this assumes women don't actually want sex and that they just do it as means to some other end. This is not the case with many women, myself included.

And a big wtf to that example. You watch your kid because you're a parent, not because you want a blow job. W.T.F.

This is an offensive generalization. It plays in to the idea that men are sexual creatures and women simply oblige them without enjoying sex themselves which is just not true. Women can, and certainly some women do use sex against their partner in
...

This is an offensive generalization. It plays in to the idea that men are sexual creatures and women simply oblige them without enjoying sex themselves which is just not true. Women can, and certainly some women do use sex against their partner in some fashion, but anyone, male or female, can use sex as a weapon against their partner. It can happen in any relationship (gay, straight, lesbian, and any other combination) that lacks communication and adequate conflict resolution. i think that the damage that can be done to a woman by her partner or by society, where sex is concerned, is far more insidious and damaging. This idea is a perfect example: society plants the seed of the idea that sex can be used as a weapon and women fall into the expectation, and may also fall into the expectation that they aren't supposed to have sexual needs and desires and enjoy sex as much as men. i heard of an instance of sex being used against by a man against a female partner from a coworker this past week. My coworker asked her male partner to watch their child while she works for a few days (he's unemployed and he doesn't already have plans for those days) that their nanny would be unavailable and he told her that he would but he expected a blow job in return, and he wasn't joking, and it is his habit to make comments like this to her on a regular basis. Not only is it ridiculous for him to expect sexual favors for watching his own child, but the insinuations regarding her role in their sexual relationship are oppressive, unfair, and potentially psychologically and sexually devastating. Not to mention, they encourage her to use sex against him or to bargain with him in the future as he's opened the door to it. He's also now indicated that giving him a blow job isn't something she should enjoy or do out of love and affection and mutual enjoyment of their intimacy. Now, as a lesbian, i can't fathom enjoying giving a blow job, but on the other side of the coin, i love going down on girls and enjoy performing the act for it's own sake as well as the intimacy with my partner, not simply because my partner wishes me to do it which is how many liberated straight women i know feel about going down on their male partners. This is just a snap shot example of the damage that can be done by myths, misperceptions, generalizations and stereotypes about female roles and female sexuality.

YES.

I was going to say something along the lines of "Sure, SOME women...and so do SOME men. It really depends on the people, some people do some things, a woman could do it just as easily as a man, or anyone at all." But, you said pretty much everything that I wanted to!

I think it doesn't matter what gender you are, you have the opportunity to use sex as a tool and way to be closer physically or emotionally with your partner, or as a weapon; harming your partner both emotionally and mentally.

Of course some women do, but you can't make a generalization on all females based on some. The more it's said "women use sex as a weapon" the more women will think that's what they're supposed to do. I
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All of that!

Of course some women do, but you can't make a generalization on all females based on some. The more it's said "women use sex as a weapon" the more women will think that's what they're supposed to do. I even fell into that trap for a while because so many people seemed to act like that was the thing to do. I wasn't happy doing it because I actually *gasp* enjoy sex. I don't want to barter for it or use it as a tool to get what I want. I want to have mutually enjoyable sex.

I also second that this assumes women don't actually want sex and that they just do it as means to some other end. This is not the case with many women, myself included.

And a big wtf to that example. You watch your kid because you're a parent, not because you want a blow job. W.T.F.

Yeah, he's kind of an awful person. Doesn't work, doesn't contribute income, makes her pay for the nanny to watch the babe while he's sitting at home doing nothing and she's working to pay the bills for the house he lives in and then expects sexual favors because he's taking time out of doing nothing to watch the kid so she can work during the busiest, most lucrative season of the year. As someone else i know commented: Oh, he's a catch, just like the ebola virus." And he's a total misogynist to boot. It infuriates me. But i digress.

Kira, as usual, we agree. You summed up exactly what i meant when i said "society plants the seed of the idea that sex can be used as a weapon and women fall into the expectation, and may also fall into the expectation that they aren't supposed to have sexual needs and desires and enjoy sex as much as men." We're taught growing up through tv, books, movies, etc., possibly by example of adult women in our lives, possibly even because some adult female role model teaches us, that "women use sex as a weapon" and the expectation that we're supposed to do this, along with all the implications of not enjoying sex and the suppression of our sex that come with it are ingrained in us. So many of us grow up and attempt to follow this expectation, and then, like you, are confused when we aren't happy because we actually want the sex we're withholding or using to manipulate our partner and thus not getting our needs met. But wait, we're women, we're not supposed to have sexual needs. Enter confusion. And possibly even more suppression.

Of course the "women use sex as a weapon" myth is just one of thousands of such ideas that cause similar chain reactions that ultimately result in generation after generation of confused, repressed, sexually stunted women.