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The way you show up to have a conversation is how others will show up – I explain this to every client I work with. Let’s think about this – we are all experts at personalising situations. Remember the last time your boss or your colleague or your spouse showed up and you knew immediately what kind of mood they were in? They didn’t have to say a single word, and yet, your immediate impulse was to check in with yourself – what have I done?

We’re experts on reading other people’s actions, and others know how to read ours. But how aware are we of our own actions?

Dr Jo Dispenza in his book “Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself” explains it this way – We have 60 – 70 thousand thoughts a day – 90% of which are the same as the day before.

The same thoughts will always lead to the same choices – the same choices create the same behaviours – the same behaviours will produce the same experience – the same experience will create the same emotions and those same emotions and feelings drive the same thoughts.

If you keep doing that for a long enough period, your biology, your neuro circuitry, your genetics, your emotional state, and your internal chemistry literally become a reflection of your mind, so that that Identity, your personality, is made up of how you think, how you act and how you feel.

So if you feel you are not being heard, your thoughts, your feelings, and your behaviours need to change.

Others will listen when they feel connected to you, and your connection begins within the first few seconds of coming together. If your thoughts and intentions don’t align with your actions, these signals will be decoded by others at a very low level of trust.

Neuroscience now shows that within 7 seconds the brain determines if you are a friend or foe based on your body language, which is created by your thoughts and feelings – negative thoughts – negative body language – positive thoughts – positive body language. The way you show up will be the way others show up.