by Jan Simson

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Day: May 3, 2012

A while ago I did an experiment. In Germany, you can buy and consume wine and spirits at age 18. Usually the cashiers check your ID if you look younger. I’m 19, so I can legally do this stuff, so don’t worry. But what if I shaved my beard, put on a simple t-shirt and jeans, and wore a dorky cap that says “Candy Is Neat”? Would the cashier still ask for an ID? And what if I went to the same store a few days later, with a little bit of model-stubble, wearing a suit and tie, holding a briefcase, acting all important, under time pressure, and business-like? Would they check my ID then, too?

So I did that. I dressed up like a beardless homeless person and grabbed a bottle of Yeni Raki. Sure enough, the lady asked for an ID, so I showed her my driver’s license, and she nodded her head and I purchased the bottle. I gave that one to my parents.

About three days later, I dressed up like Robert Downey Jr. and grabbed another bottle of Yeni Raki. The same woman was at the counter, moving various items over the beeper and collecting money. So I walked up there, didn’t make eye contact, and just said “Hello” in a deep sexy tone. No questions asked, no IDs checked, I got the bottle and got out of there. I kept that bottle for myself. I still haven’t opened it yet. They say “The older the better.”

So here’s a lesson for you: People don’t look at what’s on the inside. If you’re hot, your personality doesn’t matter. Appearance is all that matters. The truth is, we do judge books by their cover, that’s why nobody reads the Bible. It’s all about how much skin you show, what kind of clothes you wear, how you style your hair, and what fragrance you use. I think that’s ridiculous! Personality is the essence of a human, not the way they dress. But yeah, unfortunately for me, I gotta dress well to buy alcohol without the cashier having to check my ID. So if less clothes is sexier, nobody will have a problem with me if I go streaking now, right? See ya.