Despite assembling a “dream team” that included both a midwife and a doula, first-time mom Samara didn’t end up with the birth experience she was hoping and planning for.

Along with selecting a hospital with low cesarean-section rates, this mom-to-be hired Tricia Krefetz of Click. Capture. Create. Photography to capture the moment her son arrived. Rather than images of a natural birth, however, Tricia took on the task of creating a beautiful birth story of a different nature after complications arose.

Via email, Samara explained to me that two weeks past her due date, and with nearly every labor-inducing trick exhausted, her midwife stripped her membranes. That, along with a Chinese medicine approach called Moxibustion and a castor oil enema final got the contractions going.

After a brief stop for dinner, Samara and her husband stopped by the hospital for a nonstress test, and there her water broke. Under doctor’s orders not to leave the hospital and labor at home as she had hoped, this mom’s birth plan began to fall apart.

“I was not progressing at all,” Samara recalled. “My doula blew up another birthing tub in my room and I was hooked up to a remote fetal monitor so I could get in the tub…my midwife had me moving in all sorts of different positions because during each contraction, the baby’s heart-rate was not jumping back as fast.

“She looked at me and told me, you at least have another 10 hours of laboring and there is an 80% chance you will end up in an emergency Cesarian section because of the way things are going. Or, I could opt now to have a c-section. I was quite upset. I felt like I disappointed everyone including myself. I had the easiest pregnancy. I was exercising up until the last moment doing bootcamp and zumba! How could this be?

I asked my husband what I should do, and he left this choice to me….My midwife, knowing my strong desire for a natural, vaginal birth, said, I will let you labor as long as you can safely labor but I am telling you this doesn’t look good. At that moment, I decided to do it.”

“It was horrible,” Samara went on to share. “It was fast. Twenty minutes later I was in the OR. The anesthesiologist gave me the spinal and my midwife held my head and hands. She laid me down. I just remember being SO COLD, I was uncontrollably shivering.”

Though Tricia had been taking photographs throughout the labor, she was not allowed into the operating room. In a moment captioned by Samara’s husband, their son was born and the doctor announced, “It’s a BOY!”

Check out their emotional journey here:

“The umbilical cord was wrapped twice around his neck and the OBGYN said there was no way he was coming out naturally like that,” Samara went on to tell me, explaining what had been causing her son’s heart rate to drop during labor — but that bit of information did little to erase her birth disappointment.

Characterizing her feelings about how things played out as “horrible” in the days and weeks that followed, Sarama explained, “I couldn’t believe it happened. I cried a lot. I was in extreme pain. Going from being extremely active to needing help lifting my legs out of my bed and turning my body so I could just stand up, sucked. There was nothing good about it. I was mad, hurt, upset and I questioned it a lot. Was I forced into it? Did I make the right decision? How would this have gone down if I had continued to labor for 10+ more hours? Would I have ended up in an emergency c-section? Would I have put my son’s life at risk?”

Sharing that viewing Tricia’s photos provided “a bit of a therapy session,” Samara added, “It’s taken a good year and a LOT of questions to make me feel like what I did what the right decision. I questioned it a lot.”

“Recently, I have started my training and certifications to become a Doula… I asked a lot of questions to the instructor, relating to my own situation and how she as a doula would have handled that and how she’s seen births end up after similar things have transpired. In addition, I asked one of the participants in the class who was a labor and delivery nurse for 15+ years, with the issues I was showing, how in her experience has she seen doctors handle births like this. I also spoke to my Midwife in our post-opp visits. All arrows pointed to cesarean. So I think, after 14 months, I have finally accepted it. I think. Ha-ha.”

I was moved by both Samara’s story and openness about her emotional journey, as well as the images Tricia captured. Particularly, the photos of the friends and family reacting to their first look at the baby boy brought a tear to my eye.

Sharing the photos and story was important to me, as I don’t think it’s often enough we highlight the beauty and joy that is still present in c-section births. While I was thrilled to share Tricia’s amazing underwater birth photos, I’m equally pleased to have Samara’s journey up on our blog. My heart goes out to anyone who has struggled with their birth experience not going as they had wished.

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All births can be beautiful, joyful occasions, not just the unmedicated ones.

Kate

Beautiful! It took me over a year to let go of thinking I could have done better/differently with my daughter’s birth in 2006. Understanding that a healthy baby and mom at the end of the day are all that matters and truly feeling that way are not always the same thing.

Karin

I’ve experienced both. I had a C-section with my first and still feel like I’ll never know whether it was really necessary. I was fully dilated but he wasn’t coming out after 2 1/2 hours of pushing, even though we could see the head, and his heart rate wasn’t coming back as quickly after each contraction, either. There was no cord issue, and the OB did not say there was a position issue. Baby boy was healthy, though.

For my second, I wanted a VBAC. I ended up taking castor oil at 41 weeks because I had a hospital induction scheduled soon after, and I didn’t want to go through with it but was doing it under the advice of my OB. I was in labor for 4 1/2 hours and had a successful drug-free VBAC. Baby girl.

http://www.csectionrecoverykit.com christina

Birth is beautiful and the recovery is so important to feel nurtured, so we can take care of baby. Recovery is best with the csectionrecoverykit, and binding after birth helps reduce back pain and helps you get out of bed more easily.

smith207

This brought a tear to my eye- my birth experience was very similar.

My water broke before labor started, but eventually my labor did progress. I also found out that I had developed pre-eclampsia, so that was quite scary. I labored on my own and made it to 10cms but the baby never dropped. His heart rate was going up and down and eventually I went back for a C-section. I found out the cord was wrapped 2x around baby’s neck which is why he was not dropping.

I’m anxious about next time and hope I can have a successful VBAC. Best of luck to her…

Jamie

Nothing I find more annoying than this topic! I guess maybe because my only plan was to have a baby – no matter how he/she came out. My c-sections were pretty wonderful actually.

I had some rough babies so I always think people must have really, REALLY EASY babies/toddlers/kids if they are wasting time still being upset by how that child got here. I mean sure, it might have been different than what you thought it would be but so is every aspect of motherhood.

Chris

Totally agree with Jamie #6. Good god, people, you walked out of the hospital with a live baby. What could be better than that ? I had 3 c-sections, and they were fine, and each time, I was thrilled Baby was here and was healthy. I never gave the c-sections another thought. Thinking about a past c-section just seems like such a colossal waste of time !

http://C746UD Belle

I think it’s natural for a woman to feel some disappointment and self-doubt when her body doesn’t do what she believes it was supposed to do… More than 36 hours after my water broke, and 8 hours after starting pitocin, my cervix had not dilated a single centimeter. It was then that I had a C-section. My baby was (and is!) healthy, but the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck 3 times, and so it was very fortunate that I had the C-section rather than trying to deliver him vaginally. I was surprised by how much the surgery weakened my lower abdominal muscles, but otherwise my recovery went very well, and I feel very comfortable with my decision. I think that next time, I will only attempt a vaginal birth in the event that I go into labor before my scheduled C-section date.

karen

Jamie and Chris, I totally agree with you. These self-absorbed narcissistic women have no idea how lucky they are. How sad that she chose to spend her baby’s first 14 months obsessing about a procedure that saved her baby’s life instead of focusing on her baby’s amazing first year.

Grace

YES #6!!!!!!!!!! How self involved can you be??? What they are mourning is the opportunity to make the birth totally about them and being able to tell ppl how they delivered and look so great and strong and impressive.

People lose babies. If I heard that the cord was wrapped 2x around my baby’s neck it would have been end of story. You did the right thing. But it took her over a year????? Holy Crow!!! STFU.

Sara

I think that it would be nice to support all women in their birthing experiences – rather than telling them that there is one “right” way to have a baby and if you are a failure if you don’t experience the right birth. Women spend time feeling guilty, second guessing themselves, and struggling with feeling of inadequacy. I should have done this, I shouldn’t have done that. Did I really make this choice or was I pushed into it? Was I educated about every possible option? Was I not strong enough? Women spend time justifying to themselves and others on why their c-section was necessary. These feelings are very real, and take a long time to deal with, but I blame it on people pushing the image of an ideal birth experience. We shame women who have c-sections as weak, uninformed, and victims of a tyrannical system – when we need to support them and empower them. Those photographs are absolutely beautiful, and I’m glad that she had an awesome photographer who was truly able to capture the miracle of birth in all forms.

Leah

Agree #6. Birth is about getting the baby out. The end. It’s no “big journey” or wonderful moment about being a woman or any of that idealized bs. It’s about getting that baby out in the most comfortable, safest way possible for the BABY.

Eve

WOW. Some of you desperately need to work on your “I” statements. Absolutely low of you to characterize those who feel differently than yourselves as “narcissistic.” And Grace, your parents had higher hopes when they chose your name than what you’re displaying.

Sincere congratulations to you all for feeling comfortable with your births, but many women do not. This post is for them, not you. Chuff off.

Mary

All births are beautiful no matter how they happen. My first one wasn’t ideal, my second was a dream, and my third was the worst. I delivered all vaginally but was very close to c-section with my second. It wasn’t necessarily what I wanted but if it had come to that, then I would have accepted it. I don’t like hearing women say they “regret” the way their birth happened, because all that matters is that mommy and baby are healthy afterward. There’s nothing you can do to change it so why dwell on it for a year?? You still have a beautiful healthy baby

MJ

Similar story … we went 10 days over, finally induced with drugs after acupuncture, castor oil, herbs didn’t work. Baby didn’t react to the induction well, had some scary low heart rate moments. Only allowed to be in the tub for a couple hours. Labored for 16 hours before they broke my water and couldn’t do it any more so got an epi (was still only at 3-4cm) then another several hours where we had to keep turning down the pitocin and have me lie on my side b/c of heart reaction. with no progress before we agreed with the midwife – at the 24 hour mark we had a c-section before it became an emergency (it was heading that way). Cord around her 3 times.

http://www.seaminglysarah.etsy.com Seamingly Sarah

I think the regret from a C-section comes from believing the lie that your body failed you. It’s a deep rooted fear, and that’s why it gets to us. But when you can start to believe the truth (that you had a beautiful baby and you and the baby are just fine) then the lie can stop eating at you and the regret can be let go. I certainly wouldn’t admonish someone who felt regret over a C-section, but instead show them love. Where did shame ever get you? Love can go a lot further. And everyone has their own road to take to let go of that regret. Don’t hate them while they’re still on the road.

Dawn Slomba

When I hear women talk about their “birth plan” I just have to laugh. Everything about the birth of my son happened completely opposite of how I hoped it would be. He came 5 weeks early. I hadn’t had my baby shower yet and his nursery was empty. Had a c-section. Never got to experience anything to do with real labor. No water breaking or contractions. I desperately needed a shower and was embarrassed because I had unshaven legs and unpedicured feet. Attended my baby shower not pregnant anymore with a newborn in NICU. He’s my one and only child and I’ll never get to experience most of the things that come with childbirth, but guess what? I got to become a mom and I have a beautiful healthy boy and I am grateful.

http://PW3749 Ann 5975

I was actually more disturbed by this than moved by it. Why in the world would you spend 14 months beating yourself up over enduring a procedure that saved your child’s life?

I had an unplanned C-section, with post-surgical complications, and while I have had the occasional doubt about the chain of events leading up to it, I never wasted a moment wondering if I did the right thing for my daughter. When her safety became an issue, I didn’t care how they got her out of me.

Pregnancy and birth are (or at least should be) the smallest parts of being a mother and loving your child. I don’t understand why people dwell on the birth process so much, or why they feel compelled to thumb their noses at modern medicine (which creates and saves thousands of babies every day). If you are lucky enough to have a healthy child, you should spend the rest of your life just being grateful for that.

Stephie

Healthy mommy, healthy baby is ALL. THAT. MATTERS. When my water broke at 35weeks, I expected to go in for my emergency C-section and bring home my precious daughter. It was only after she was born that we learned she had a congenital heart defect. After 5 open heart surgeries, she passed away at 29 days old. I would give ANYTHING to have been able to bring her home. When you experience something as terrible as burying your child, your perspective is a little different.

Marie

Wow! I am shocked to read how insensitive some women can be! Apparently you didn’t put much thought into what you wanted your birth to be like before hand. And that’s fine. That’s just not your personality I guess. But it does not give you the right to belittle others for how they feel.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for sharing this. I too had an unplanned C-section and I have times that I wish it had turned out as planned. I never forget that the most important thing is that my son is here in my arms and healthy. It doesn’t take away the fact you I wasn’t the first one to hold him. I was separated from him and my husband for 20 minutes while I was stitched up. My husband didn’t get to cut the cord. I was drugged up for the first week of my son’s life. In the long run it doesn’t matter. But when you plan for something for 9 months and have a beautiful picture of how it’s going to happen in your head it’s hard to not regret that. How awesome are these pictures! My hospital didn’t let my doula in the OR so we missed out on the pictures. Once again. Thanks for sharing this!

Kristiana

While I am so grateful that I have two wonderful and healthy girls, coping with the emotional effects of an emergency c-section is very real for many women. After having an emergency c/s with my first daughter, and wondering if there was anything I could have done to change the outcome I was determined to have a VBAC with my second. I did, though just barely. After 36 hours of labor, and 3 hours of pushing she finally came. I had 3rd degree tears and honestly the recovery wasn’t much easier. Now having had a baby both ways I can honestly say that it doesn’t matter! Of course this is easy for me to say now that I’ve had a vaginal birth. Before I felt robbed and inadequate. I’m pregnant again and of course hope for a healthy (and hopefully easier) vaginal delivery, but if that doesn’t happen it will be for the safety of my baby. I’ve also checked out ways to make a c-section more personal. Go online and research a birth plan for either option.

Stephie

I also find it tasteless that this comes on the heels of Pregnancy, Infant and Child loss Awareness Day. How many women would do anything to have a child in their arms, regardless of how that child arrived? Perhaps some sensitivity is in order.

Mandy

It’s so disappointing to see the level of criticism and lack of compassion and support in the comments. Every woman has a different view of what pregnancy, labor and birth is. We all have ideals of what it will be for each of us. When someone has taken so much time and put so much attention and effort into achieving their ideal and has to go to the alternative they themselves had wanted to avoid is a very difficult thing. It’s a dream like any other, and it has been taken from you. The guilt and frustration can be profound and difficult to overcome. Calling them self centered and narcissistic is just cruel. Pregnancy and labor isn’t something we get to experience very many times in our short lives, so why aren’t people allowed to question and dwell upon it to be able to find peace with what happened? Do you think that they aren’t ever so grateful for that medical intervention and it’s ability to bring their children to this world safely? Of course they are!

It has nothing to do with whether or not you have an “Easy Baby”, no baby is easy! Lol! Maybe the length of time to come to terms with things is because all their energy is being put into caring for that baby? I don’t know, but there is no need for judgment.

We should be posting uplifting comments, encouraging them that they made the best choices they could and remind them that the doubts and sadness they feel are normal, but most importantly that their decisions brought forth a baby delivered to this world who is alive and well!!

Support one another, and leave the harsh criticisms to yourself, because one day you may be the one needing the support.

michikodesu

What I don’t understand is why we think we actually have “control” over what happens when it comes to giving birth. Does the thought of having the umbilical cord wrapped around your baby’s neck not make your heart race for the baby’s safety first and foremost? My first thought is “take care of my baby!!”. We can plan all we want to, and thank God that many people get what they want, but we can’t think that it will happen to us that way, or all the time.

You can’t control whether the baby will be breeched, decide to hang out so you have to labor down, stuck in your pelvis and not in the birth canal, have the umbilical cord wrapped somewhere, or what-have-you. You’re actually setting yourself up for failure and disappointment when you make a birth plan and not plan for emergencies and what those emergencies will entail.

Besides, I think the main reason why I don’t understand why she’s beating herself up is because if her doula AND midwife told her that this is the only option at a hospital with low C-section rates, I highly doubt she was forced into it.

Amber

I just don’t get feeling “angry” that your baby was born healthy and alive???? She could have moved to Zimbabwe if she wanted a natural birth and her baby would have died. Would that have made it better? Absolutly NOT! Be thankful you live in a part of the world that we have modern medicine available to us. I was just reading an article on cnn the other day about a women and her husband making suitcases to provide solar polar in third world countries for women in labor because they don’t always have sufficient light during their labor/delivery making infant mortability/complications a huge fear.

Personally, I think it’s stuff like this that feeds the disapointment of women being angry/sad/hurt with c-section births. Stories like this make women feel like less of a women/mother because they didn’t have a vaginal birth and that has NOTHING to do with who we are. PLEASE get some perspective and be thankful you live in a time and place where your baby is alive.

http://Facebook Vera

I was 9 days past my due date with my first son. At this point I had neither dilated or began to efface. I tried every trick in the book including acupuncture. Nothing started my labor. I went into hospital for induction even though my highly experienced dr knew it wasn’t going to work. He knew there was a reason the baby never dropped into the canal. After 12 hours of trying to thin out my cervix with medication & trying to dilate we decided on c-section. My son had the cord wrapped around his neck 3x which prevented labor from happening. I was so grateful to have a healthy baby!!

With my second pregnancy (20 months later) I was in the same situation. No dilation or effacing. My mother & older sister were adamant I try a VBAC. I humored them & scheduled a c section without telling them. They found out when my husband called about the birth. They were upset but it wasn’t their decision. My second son had the cord wrapped around his neck also. As my dr said ‘your sons are acrobats’ lol

I do not regret my c sections. I am forever grateful for my 2 healthy sons. I’m not sure why someone would harp on a c section for 14 months but everybody is different.

Kara

I appreciate any time something is written that is counter to all the c-section shaming that goes on. I think dealing with other people’s reactions and questioning, where I was expected to justify my need for a c-section, was worse than the actual recovery. I was better equipped for the unsolicited commentary for my second c-section (scheduled – gasp!) but it was very tiresome. I always feel for women who are not as comfortable in their choices and situations as I was.

I remember when being wheeled in for my unplanned c-section, thinking to myself that I can choose to be happy and enjoy this moment or I can choose to be disappointed. The first few weeks I second guessed myself and then I chose to let it go.

I’m sad to read it took this woman 14 months to get over it. Women feeling this conflicted about their birth process should try talking it out in counseling so they can come to peace with it more quickly. Hormones are all ablaze after having a baby anyways – reconciling disappointment can be particularly hard during that period for a lot of us.

Kira

Ok, sorry but I’m not sorry that my first thought after reading this was get over yourself! You say that’s insensitive, well I say it’s a little insensitive to complain about having a c-section and having a healthy child that you got to take home with you. I never even got to experience anything having to do with labor. I spent 2 days before in the hospital for low fluid, and ended up needing to get a c-section after that. I was 35 weeks pregnant and it was my first and only for now. My water never broke, and I never experienced contractions. I got to see my daughter for a split second after they took her out, then they took her away and put her under an oxygen hood right away. I never got to hold her against my chest and try to breastfeed or any of that. I got to see her 2 times after that in the nursery for about 10 minutes each time before they took her to a NICU that was an hour away. She spent 4 weeks there on oxygen and even had to be on it at home for 2 weeks after that. So like I said, sorry but you shouldn’t be so negative for having a healthy baby via c-section.

Emily K

I scheduled my c-section at 39 weeks, when my breech baby wouldn’t turn. I was disappointed to not have the birth experience I had hoped for, but when the doctor said a c-section would be safer for the baby, it was an easy decision for me. I feel a bit left out sometimes when my friends talk about their labor and delivery experiences and I hope to have a VBAC in the future, but ultimately, my daughter arrived safely and that was the only true goal I had for her birth. I would make the same decision over and over in order to bring home a healthy baby.

Gidget

My “birth plan” was: Have baby. That’s it. I didn’t care if I had to stand on my head, as long as the baby was delivered healthy, that was all I cared about. I think trying to make a plan and decisions is great if it makes you feel better, but in the end, you just trust the professionals to do their job and help you deliver your baby in the safest and healthiest way possible. Drugs/no drugs/naturally/Caesarian… the end goal is the same. It’s not like you get a gold star or anything if you have a drug free birth, vaginal birth, etc. Your “gold star” is the amazing baby you get to take home.

Jackie

My very wise midwife told me that those women with elaborate or rigid birth plans are the ones who are always disappointed. So my plan was to have a baby because in the end it doesn’t matter how the baby gets into the world, only that he arrives. And I don’t really know where this c-section shaming comes from but it is real and we as mothers should do whatever we can to change this view and put forth the idea that all deliveries are wonderful deliveries–we’ll have much happier mothers if we do so. PS-I gave birth vaginally at the hospital with the highest c-section rate, so really, what does that have to do with the price of tea in China?

Heather

I have a friend whose 3rd pregnancy was presenting as breech, and, consequently, she had to schedule her first c-section. Unbeknownst to all, the umbilical cord was also double wrapped around her baby’s neck. The baby turned the night before the scheduled c-section and was strangled by the cord.

I’m sorry your birth didn’t turn out the way you planned, but my friend’s change of plans was a 14 hour induction, labor, and vaginal delivery of a dead baby girl. So, I have a hard time reading about the 14 months it took you to “get over” your birth experience. My friend will NEVER get over hers.

Allie

Thank you so much for sharing this. While I wasn’t planning to have a totally natural birth experience with my daughter, I was dead set against a c-section. Her story and feelings of disappointment and even guilt are hauntingly similar to my own. People told me and keep telling me that having a c-section was no big deal and, of course, I am grateful that at the end of the day baby and I were both ok, but it was a big deal to me. I don’t think I’ll ever get over that I didn’t get to hold her for so long after, and that I only got a fleeting glimpse of her before they whisked her and my husband away…and then my family got to hold her before I could. It was awful. But it’s comforting to know I’m not alone. Here’s to all the mamas!

Allie

By the way, to the people saying to just get over it, you are being insensitive. Certainly we all know that there are birth stories that are far more traumatic and, even more unfortunately, that sometimes end far more tragically. But feelings are feelings and we shouldn’t judge each other for having them, especially regarding something as personal and precious as the birth of a child. Nobody is trying to ‘trump’ another person’s birth experience.

Amanda

My first son was born by C/S after an failed induction for pre-eclampsia where I labored to complete and pushed for 3 hours. I spent over a year dealing with my feelings from my C/S, and am not at all going to let the comments from insensitive women on here keep me from saying it. As Allie has said they are feelings and you can’t always help how you feel. I had many feelings of failure for not being able to get my son here and needing the C/S. Of course, I’m happy it was available to us, and that I had a healthy little boy, but it doesn’t mean I have to be happy that I ended up needing it. After a lot of time, I finally was able to work through some of my feelings and find some peace in my C/S. During my next pregnancy I did make up a birthplan, and most importantly I had one for a C/S if my VBAC didn’t work out. A lot of places don’t treat a C/S like a birth, and I wanted to make sure my baby entered the world in a better environment than my first son had. Not even two weeks ago I ended giving birth to my second son via VBAC in a very unexpected way after a 2 hour labor that shocked us all when he was born within 30 mins of entering the hospital. Even though it was a whirlwind labor it was wonderful and gave me even more peace from my C/S.

Shell

Oh my goodness. The cattiness and belittling from women commenting on this post is shameful. As women we do this to ourselves all to often. Rather than support each other, we judge, criticise and compound the mummy guilt. Perhaps this woman was suffering with post-natal depression that went undiagnosed and this compounded this ideal birth scenario in her mind. Or she was a tired, worn out new mumma whose emotions got the better of her. Vaginal, unplanned c-section, planed c-section, breach, vbac or however we birth doesn’t matter, but obviously this women felt so strongly about how her body was “supposed” to birth it effected her deeply when it didn’t go as planned. You can’t help how your emotions can cause you to react. We should we supporting this woman. I’m sure she is grateful for a healthy baby.

Heather

To Allie #34, I’m not saying her feelings aren’t valid. I was also very upset with my unplanned c-section. I’m not even saying that this isn’t a good place to talk about a dissappointing birth experience. But, in my opinion, this particular birth dissappointment story is very insensitive in its tone. But, really I should direct my comments to Babycenter.com. They should know better, not this first time mommy who, obviously, has not had the misfortune of helping a grieving friend or family member thru the loss of a baby at birth. If she had, she would NEVER have made this article public or at least she would have changed the tone to be more sensitive to others.

Kat

Thank you for sharing this story! My baby was breech, and because we lived in Japan, I was forced into a planned C-section at 37 weeks. I’m grateful that both my baby girl and I are healthy, but it also took me over a year to digest the fact that after all my preparations, I still didn’t get to experience anything associated with natural birth. The experience of the C-section itself with the first few days of recovery were very traumatic to me. While not painful, it was the most uncomfortable feeling when the doctor opened me up, and so on. I was shivering so bad, and was so distracted that I almost missed the moment my daughter was born.
My daughter is now 19 months old, and I now believe, partially the reason I felt so disappointed with having a C-section was because prior to birth, I believed I had no accomplishments. Delivering a child as nature intended, and working through hours of labor and pain, was supposed to be my accomplishment. I know it sounds silly, but when the chance was taken away from me with a casual “If you want to give birth here, you’ll have to do it tomorrow”, crushed me at the time. I was scared, not ready, believing deep in my soul, that if we could just wait another week, she would turn… But I didn’t get the chance, didn’t get to hold her first.
Luckily I was able to breastfeed, and that helped me a lot to get over the birth. I’ll try for VBAC with baby #2, but I think I’ll be OK with a C-section, given we try all other options within safe limits beforehand.

Debora

I had all my three children via C-section. Never in my mind did I regret that they were not born the natural way. Every women’s body is different and every birth too. The fact that I have three healthy children is all that matters to me. And I can’t imagine having a much stronger bond than I have with all three of them. They are my heart, my soul, my every breath. And the love they have for me: indescribable! With my first pregnancy I did everything to prepare for a vaginal birth. I am the most athletic in the family, doing yoga, swimming, exercising, eating the right things till the very last minute. But after 17 hours of intense pain and only 5cm dilated and my son’s heart skipping a beat, in tears I had to agree with the doctor a c-section was the best. I’m glad we did bc my son his head was turned so it was hard for him to descend in the birth-canal.You don’t choose a c-section bc it’s fun. A c-section happens bc the mother or baby or both are in danger. I wish people would be more comprehensive about that. How can you regret a c-section if otherwise you or your baby wouldn’t make it??!!! It’s a no brainer for me. Raising your children to be the best is the great accomplishment for a woman not the way bringing kids into this world. And to tell you the truth I am extremely thankfull that a c-section procedure excist bc if a natual birth causes harm to the mother and unborn babies there is still help. Do you know how many women in other countries die bc a natural birth is too dangerous for them and there are no other options?! I hope she enjoys her baby and love him with all she haves. Because that’s what he deserves!!!

nikie

I had an emergency c-section with my daughter. I had to be induced, I had gestational diabetes, and the wanted to make sure she didn’t get too big. After being in labor for 24hrs and dilating to only 6cm, her heartbeat started to drop. I had to be brought into the OR, my husband was not allowed, they put me under and all I remember is closing my eyes and then waking up in the recovery room.
My husband got to help bathe her and then they let me hold her against my chest. It turned out that she got stuck in the birth canal and her umbilical cord was wrapped around her ankle. I’m okay with having a c-section, I’m happy she came out healthy and I knew what to expect since my mom had six c-sections.
I do wish I was awake during it, and that my husband could have been in the room. Those are my only two regrets, but it happened and I’m okay with it.

DAH522

Our baby was no where near dropping down into birthing position. The midwife suggested C-Section right away. We flew to Anchorage the next day. We were planning on natural birth. My wife was looking forward to it. But a cyst on her ovary grew in size along with the pregnancy. It blocked our baby from engaging in the canal. Once the baby was free, my wife said. Tell me the name not the sex. Hosanna. Our life has been amazing ever since. Everyday is Hosanna. Praise and Adoration to God.

Denis

Media is full of stories of happy mothers, giving birth “naturally”. I wish this ladies lived in 1500. Back then only this option was available, no matter what the consequences.

I had an elective C-section at 39 weeks. My son had his umbilical cord around his neck once. My husband was away a lot and the unpredictability of my birth and the risk factor was a worry.

On 18-th of November, my baby was born. His cord was twice around his neck, not once.

I do not regret my choice. It was not horrible. I did not cry about it. I was up on my feet in a week. 3 weeks later it was like nothing ever happen.

Stop trying to put these women up on a pedestal. Boohoo. They are no different from the rest of us. They made a choice, just like us. It’s called, LIFE.

So my message to this lady: Start living your life. Is this the only think in your life that is not perfect.

Deja

I had always wanted an unmedicated natural delivery but ended up with preeclampsia and gestational diabetes so i prepared myself a couple weeks before to expect a c section. What upset me most is that they couldn’t get an epidural or spinal tap to work so i had to be put completely under for my first and for my second he had to go straight to the Nicu do i didn’t even get to see him. I’m still 100% for unmedicated, natural deliveries but at the end of the day when you are you’re baby for the first time and know you brought a beautiful human being into the world safe and sound, that’s the only feeling and moment that truly matters.

Meri

I was born via emergency C-section 27 years ago, and the horrible experience my mom had (being drugged up, not having the experience she expected), is STILL something she talks about! I don’t think she’s ‘held up’ on it, and I’m pretty sure she appreciates that I’m alive. But that goes to show that an unplanned surgical procedure really can be a traumatic experience for women, and one that is completely understandable.

I planned for a natural, un-medicated water birth, and that’s exactly what I got. I am happy that I planned it (for those that laugh at the moms with birth plans), because it helped me visualize and understand the different parts of labor. If anything had changed during labor, I would have been very happy with the outcome of a healthy baby no matter what. But I cannot express the personal joy of having labored and delivered naturally. That’s just my experience.

Erin

Look, trauma is real no matter what other people’s experiences were like or whether anyone believes you “should” or “shouldn’t” feel happy that you have a baby after all that happened. People who are traumatized in L and D aren’t self-absorbed or ungrateful, we are real people who feel like something bad happened to us, and who are trying to work through those feelings and be good moms. There are a lot of us. And feeling traumatized, regardless of what happened to make you feel that way, is not your fault. I had no grandiose plans about my delivery, but I was treated very poorly by the doctor and felt violated and hurt. It was not easy to admit or work through, just like a lot of the issues we will all feel and work through as parents. Pain is pain, and one person talking about hers — and possibly helping others who have been through the same thing not feel so alone — does nothing to diminish the terrible pain that many other mothers feel when something goes wrong or a healthy baby doesn’t happen. Thanks for sharing this story. Please don’t internalize the mean comments.

CK

I had an unplanned emergency c section due to fetal heart rate issues after a prolonged labor. Baby was healthy. Resulting post surgery complications left baby to leave with dad and me to have a two week extended stay and 2 more surgeries. The emotional trauma was unbearable at times. A healthy baby is only part of the equation. The more other women minimize emotional needs at a most vulnerable time only distracts from healing. The best advice I got was that it is okay to separate the baby and the birth experience. “Yes I had a healthy baby. The rest of the day/birth/experience sucked”. Best wishes to Samara for continued emotional healing and acceptance.

Christina

This story was both so sad and uplifting at the same time. I found out yesterday at 34 weeks that I have to give birth in a hospital because there is a strong chance I’ll need an emergency c-section. My son’s cord is hypocoiled. I’ve found almost no information on the web about this; here in Fairbanks AK my midwife has seen 2 cases in her 20+ years of midwifery. They say that he can compress the cord during vaginal delivery and can cut off his own circulation. I am so scared, and I wanted a natural birth so badly. I’m still going to try…at least birthing at the hospital and having all that access to medical intervention (just in case) will ease my mind a little. I just don’t want anything to happen to my son…

Sarah

I don’t understand birth regret. This isn’t Burger King, you cant always have it your way. Breaking a birth plan, or forbid, having a c section is not a “shattered dream”, bot by a long shot. Do you know what a shattered dream is? Giving birth to a lifeless baby. Having an empty nursery. I understand that it is the “in” thing to coddle moms and tell them that it is juuussst fiiine that they have these feelings of regret over their births… stark reality is that if your mind is anywhere other than being thankful that you and baby are alive and well you are being selfish. Period. Selfish. End of story. Things didn’t go your way and you want to have a mini tantrum about it. Sure, it stinks but suck it up buttercup because walking away with selfish regret is no way to begin motherhood. Birth regret is not normal and it is not okay.

ER PHYSICIAN and LOVING SISTER

To All of the above,
This article is written about MY SISTER and MY NEPHEW and I am proud and disappointment by many of the comments above.
Just some background, I am and Emergency Medicine Physician and I unfortunately see more of the tragic aspects of child birth than most people. Life, death, close calls and amazing triumphs are apart of my daily life. So when I found out I was going to be an aunt it was important to me that my sister made the safest choices she could. My sister and I had many discussions during her pregnancy about birthing options and when modern medicine plays a necessary role. She wanted a midwife and a more natural approach which I whole heartedly supported but she did not shun modern medicine and respects its role in a safe child birth. Which is shown in her ultimate decision to have the C-section.
My sister is no stranger to the good and the bad of child birth, she has been the shoulder to cry on for a friend with her loss amongst other experiences I will not go into. If you knew my sister you would not be so harsh with the commentary.
This is an article about a person’s individual ‘journey’ through child birth. I am not sure how that opens the floor to such critical and harsh judgment. Everyone has a different perspective on the world and it all affects us differently. In our family we were raised to talk about how we feel, my mother is a clinical social worker and in our up bringing you faced obstacles head on, you deal with how your feel, you share it, talk about it and move on. This was her chance to share her experience. She does not dwell on this topic but when interviewed and asked to explore her journey she put it out there and I have nothing but respect for that. You can’t tell someone to “get over it”, you grieve the loss of an experience in your own way. She has blown me away at her gift at motherhood, it has changed her life and all of those around this beautiful child. She is grateful everyday for his health and well being. I ask the individuals with such a critical response to this article to see the good as well as the negative feelings you have in response to her experience. Please don’t be so mean when people open themselves up, there are other women who feel like her and there are women who don’t but support all of those who come forward with their personal experience. I agree at the end of the day a healthy baby is the ultimate goal but no one should be so harshly criticized for their own personal experience.
-ER PHYSICIAN and LOVING SISTER

LK

I have had 3 pregnancies… and three very different births.

Child #1 was an unplanned C-section. I progressed to completely dialated on my own, started pushing, and my baby had nonreassuring fetal heartbeat. After having me sit out complete contractions, finally it was decided to have a C-section. I was unhappy and hurting over the decision, but ultimately I had my baby and life was good!

Child #2 was a planned VBAC, but the way it went down wasn’t! Long story short, even though my daughter was 8 days overdue, I was in denial that I was in labor, and barely made it to the hospital in time to have her. I had no medication, no pain management, and barely had my underwear off before I had her!

Child #3 was another VBAC, but this time my husband freaked out that labor would go like #2’s and made me go to the hospital too early, in my opinion. Then I stalled for awhile, and when finally I started going, I went “fast” again and probably scared the bejeezus out of my two kids!

Regardless of how a person gives birth, it is what happens, and a person has to finally make peace with it. Did I want a C-section, hell no, but it happened. I got over it, and then went and happily was successful two times with the TOLCA/VBAC.

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