Long regarded as one of the South’s most cosmopolitan cities, Charlestonians have always taken pride in how they look. Apparently, our guests share this pride when they vacation in Charleston.

We caught up with Charleston native and celebrity fashion designer, Robert Pilch, that commented, “Our guests are redefining the meaning of ‘travel wardrobes’ and they are just looking fab-u-lous. We are just lovin’ all the folks with perfectly symmetrical facial features, high cheekbones, spectacular hair, darling accessories, all paired with the latest in haute couture fashion. Nothing like a beautiful man on vacation with tailored clothes, swimmer’s build, bronzed skin, and . . . Please excuse me, I’m feeling a little woozy and need to get a glass of water“.

This highly coveted award has been a yearly source of frustration for Myrtle Beach, our neighbor just 100 miles up the coast. Their 2011 ranking dropped to # 739 from last years’ # 688 (out of 740 mentioned U.S. vacation spots). Fashion insiders believe the Grand Strand’s downfall was due to their recent marketing campaign, “Visit Myrtle Beach, Where Half Shirts and Cut-Offs are Still Cool”.

A recent visitor is tired of only seeing old stuff in Charleston, and is demanding we get some “new stuff”. Christopher Vincent of Boca Raton, Florida will not be one of our repeat visitors. During his vacation last weekend, Mr. Vincent was very dismayed with the concentration of old, historical buildings in Charleston. Mr. Vincent commented, ”What’s up with all this old crap? Would it kill ya to get a strip mall and maybe some fast food joints around here? We got em in Florida, it’s not that difficult.”

Mr. Vincent vowed to never return to Charleston unless we get rid of our historical homes and buildings. He was obviously not aware that Charlestonians take a lot of pride in the preservation of these treasures. We realize we may not be as architecturally “progressive” as Los Angeles or New York City, but most of us are OK with that.

We caught up with Mr. Vincent after he returned home on Tuesday. We asked if he would perhaps give us a second chance and revisit our historical hometown. He replied, “Hell No I’m not coming back to that place! It’s all…old this…historical that, antique shops, cobblestone streets, antebellum houses, blah, blah, blah. Las Vegas got the message that new stuff is better than old, why can’t you people?” Then the phone line went dead, he hung up on us.

We contacted the resident expert tour company, Charleston Stroll’s, wanting to inquire if they have noticed a trend in new visitors wanting to see new stuff rather than old. Tour guide John LaVerne commented, “We have explored the possibility of a ‘Charleston Outlet Mall Tour‘ as well as a ‘Charleston Mobile Home & Garden Tour’, but our research shows they wouldn’t be very popular. Our guests tend to enjoy history, 18th century architecture, historical churches, and our quaint alleyways.”

Perhaps Charleston Strolls and the rest of our hospitality community are not listening to the needs of some of our visitors. There is obviously a type of visitor that could care less about our historical homes and would prefer to see us add some modern touches. Maybe the new wave of tourism should embrace something like, “Charleston, out with the old, in with the new”.

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The Bulldog Buzz is a satirical publication of Bulldog Tours, Inc. and meant for entertainment purposes only. The Bulldog Buzz uses invented names in all its stories, except in cases where public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental.