Monthly Archives: February 2015

For many physicists the Multiverse isn’t so much science fiction as science that hasn’t been proven yet. They talk of infinite numbers of universes where anything that possibly can happen, has, somewhere along the line happened.

It’s a bit like the infinite monkeys with infinite typewriters eventually bashing out the complete works of Shakespeare. Or Stuart Pearce doing well in a job for more than 10 games.

Of course, the beauty of the infinite alternative universe theory is it means you can imagine a universe where everyone has exactly the same personalities and experiences as this one, but with one tiny difference – Nemanja Matic wins the ball from Ashley Barnes and in the process follows through, kicking Barnes. Barnes then reacts by pushing Matic over.

What follows is my theory on the actions of an alternative universe Jose Mourinho.

“First the FA does nothing when I am pushed. In fact, I am amazed that I didn’t get ban for being pushed. “

It seems that even with infinite universes there are very few where Mourinho won’t take an opportunity to have a dig at Arsene Wenger.
“Now, my player, he wins the ball and these ‘pundits’ at Sky they want to ban him for being shoved over?”

As previously mentioned this alternative universe is the same in every way, bar the reversal of Barnes and Matic. That means that Jose is still a paid ambassador for BT Sport and still thinks there’s a huge conspiracy to stop his team.

“There is no place in the game for this. Matic, he is an honest player. Like all of my players. He tries to win the ball and he does.”

I know what you’re thinking – in this Universe has Mourinho previously sent out teams to kick Arjen Roben off the pitch. Has he engaged in a complete and utter shut down of Barcelona’s flair players with multiple teams using methods that could at best be described as robust? Yes – it’s identical in every way, bar the reversal of Barnes and Matic.

“Afterwards these is a little bit of contact, this is natural in football. But Barnes’ reaction? There is no place for this in football, it is not sporting. I tell people how much I love England because of the sportsmanship but for me, that was not evident today.”

You’re probably wondering if in this universe Droga spent his most theatrical years working under Mourinho, or if Deco and Porto rolled, time wasted and tricked their way to a UEFA Cup in 2003, or if this is the man who re-deployed PEPE as a defensive midfielder just to kick Iniesta and Messi. All present and correct. The only change is Barnes for Matic.

Now, of course this is all just theoretical physics at this stage, but it does make you wonder why Chelsea are acting the way they are about Barnes and Matic.

Chelsea have many, many fine players this season, but almost all of them have another player in the squad who can step in and perform their role to almost the same standard. Matic is the exception and perhaps that’s why Chelsea are so outraged by his red card.

It’s almost like they’re a shadow of themselves when he doesn’t play. It’s almost as if the Serbian’s one poor performance of the season, ironically against Spurs, showed Mourinho exactly what would happen if a Spurs midfield was allowed to run riot against his defence. That’s why at 4/1 I’ll be betting on Spurs.