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(I was never a shopper, period, but I did buy books. A backbreaking amount of books, as I learned after moving them all to our new house. #noragrets)

Growing up, I usually just wore whatever my mom got me for Christmas or my birthday. I didn’t have many new clothes, and I couldn’t care less.

In this inability to care less, my appearance suffered. My go-to outfit in my teen years was a t-shirt and jeans, with a skirt if we were going to church. Before our Skirts Phase, that is. Aka The Dark Days. Then, it was t-shirts and skirts. Denim skirts.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to look put-together – I did. It also wasn’t that I didn’t have many clothes to wear – I did. It was just that… I didn’t care.

For a long time, I was uncomfortable in my skin. For most of my teen years, I had an undiagnosed medical issue that caused weight gain. I didn’t know why I didn’t look good in certain things anymore, and, more than anything else, I wanted to cover up. Plus, it’s not like I had anyone to impress. (Moving two states away right when I was supposed to start liking guys made sure of that.)

It was only recently that I started buying clothes that I wanted to wear, with money that I’d earned.

Looking back, the only discernible thing that had changed was my outlook. I stopped viewing my body as an enemy or something that I shouldn’t put too much pride in. God gave me this body, dang it, and I should be happy with it – proud of it, even!

I didn’t start losing weight until I realized this, and accepted my body for what it was – mine.

If you’re struggling with what you look like, please know that it’s okay. We’ve all been there. Some of us are still there, sometimes.

Today, I was there. I needed clothes for a temp job next month, and I felt all the lies I’d believed about myself come screaming back as I looked at myself in the mirror. But I didn’t let the thoughts take root. Instead, I just left. In another store, I put on a cute outfit and danced to Katy Perry and Ben Rector in the changing room. Needless to say, the thoughts were gone. (Totally because I knew I looked super cute.)

It’s okay to hate your body sometimes. Just please… don’t stay there.

It’s okay to love your body. It’s okay to put clothes on it that are inspired by a style that is uniquely yours. It’s okay to be proud of it. It’s okay to love it. And if you don’t, you’ll get there someday.

I’ve heard that the way to get over a crush is to focus on one of their flaws, until you can’t see why you liked them in the first place. Today, I challenge you to do the opposite. I challenge you to find something about your body that you love. Maybe it’s your nose or your legs or your elbows. It can be big or small – just something that either you love or something that others have complimented. Tomorrow or next week or next month, find something else. Keep doing this until your list reaches from the top of your pretty head to the bottom of your adorable heels (yeah, the same heels that are encircled in yucky dead skin sometimes). Whenever you look in the mirror, repeat these things over and over again. Soon, your perspective will change. If not, keep working at it. And hopefully, you’ll soon realize that you’re a beautiful, unforgettable, unique person made in God’s image, for His glory, because He delights in you.

I used to go to a church where we had communion every Sunday. I didn’t understand why at first. Then I worried that it would become rote, with a weekly occurrence robbing it of its sacredness. But after a few months, my family and I embraced it. It brought us closer as a family because there were always recent events that we needed to apologize to one another – instead of trying to wrack our brains once a month for stuff to say sorry for.

The same can be said for the Easter story – all of the events surrounding the crucifixion, the burial, and the resurrection.

If you’ve grown up in the church, you’ve heard this story. A lot. You’ve been to multiple services on Easter weekend, all touching on some aspect of the story, and maybe you’ve even been to Passion City Church’s Good Friday service with Louis Giglio (which, if you haven’t, is a must because it’s unparalleled).

Easter, in a sense, can also become rote – obvious and dull for all of us who have grown up listening to this story over and over since it’s so essential to the Gospel. In the midst of meals with extended family members, egg hunts with small children, and making sure your outfit is finished by Easter morning, it can even be forgotten. This same struggle happens around Christmastime, when the true meaning for all of the celebrations is pushed aside by the chaos and distractions.

This is true for me. In the past, I’ve had to repent for focusing more on traveling to see family members than on Jesus’s precious gift to me.

But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on Him, and by His wounds we are healed.
Isaiah 53:5

This Easter, spend time with your family members and enjoy the egg hunt (it’s perfectly fine to be scared of the Easter bunny, though it’s too big why I don’t understand), but take the time to get alone with God. Sit in your room or take a walk in the woods or drive on a random road in the mountains – whatever it takes to get rid of all of the distractions and outside chaos. Think about what He did for you, and thank Him for it. I know I’ll be doing it, because I’ve been awestruck by His grace and love – the love that saved my soul.

Blah. I just spent the last week with some of my best friends (okay, they’re basically family) and I. have. no. words.

You know when someone touches you so much that you can’t help but want to be around them all the time? Constantly getting their opinion on random things, laughing with them over stupidly hilarious inside jokes, (side-)hugging & leaning & just enjoying their company?

That was literally all of the fifty-plus people I shared a cabin with this past weekend. Together, we watched movies, sang Broadway, fangirled/fanboyed over literally anything, played games ’til 3am, cried, prayed, walked, and communed. All on four or five (or less) hours of sleep. It. was. amazing.

I’m still reeling from all of the memories I made. I’ll never look at certain things the same way again. I’ll never look at the same people the same way again.

I think the thing that truly made this weekend was the fact that we all already know each other on such a deep level. Because of WITAlive, we all know each other’s deepest struggles and weaknesses and challenges. However, this past weekend, we got to discover the more surface-level things while still being mindful of the deep stuff. Bonding with each other (partially thanks to twenty-second hugs) over these things made us closer than most of the friends I have outside of this small, tight-knit circle.

So my sister got some toffee nut syrup from Starbucks a few weeks ago and y ‘ a l l. It’s so good. Makes her mad when I “borrow” it, but it makes my coffee soooo yummyyyyyy. (Why yes, I am drinking it right now – why do you ask?)

*sips coffee again*

I have a coaching call in literally one minute but I’m here writing out this post and if that doesn’t say something about my time management skills, I don’t know what will.

What’s a coaching call, you ask? WELL. CollegePlus – Lumerit, SORRY – is a distance-learning thing, and the thing the company does to keep you on track is give you a coach that calls you once every two weeks to chat about your life and your schooling and how it’s all going – and, most importantly, how you’re handling it all.

{musical interlude while I do my call}

Anyway, my coach is amazing and I love her to death. She’s my fourth coach because I had three coaches in a year and let. me. tell. you. – that was not fun. But she’s an angel and I think I love her best out of the three. If I pass my last two courses (fingers crossed because they’re a little harder than I thought they’d be), I’ll be finished in March and that’s kinda sad because I’m going to miss talking to her every few weeks! Plus she’s getting married, so that’s pretty dang exciting.

*sips coffee*

(it’s actually the next day and i’ve got coffee again and… yeah. me in a nutshell)

So the Dear Evan Hansen soundtrack came out the other night and oh my gosh. It is all kinds of wonderful. Seriously, I don’t know that I’ve related to a musical so much. It’s so needed, too. Such a beautiful, beautiful thing. Listen to it. If you’ve only got time for one song, listen to this one. And really listen to it – turn it on, put headphones in, close your eyes, and just sit for a minute. It’ll make you day a million times better.

I stayed up ’til after 1am listening to it when it came out, first laughing and dancing and dramatically lip-syncing in the bathroom and then sobbing while curled up in my bed with the blankets over my head. Because that’s just the kind of musical that it is.

*sips coffee*

Like I mentioned before, college is hard. I knew that going into it, and all the courses I’ve done have been different kinds of difficult, but… dang, these last two. I’ve cried more over these than I have over any other course in my entire four years of college – which is kind of a lot because I don’t get stressed too easily.

I’ve always been super hard on myself, and have always had high expectations for myself, beating myself up inwardly if I didn’t meet those expectations. I’ve always known that it’s probably not best for me to do that (LOL) but I’ve always let it slide because how else will I do anything well?

WELL. All of the stress – courses, moving, trying to finish a freaking novel – came to a head over the last two-ish weeks (hence why I haven’t posted anything in a while – sorry, guys). And it was bad.

Because I used to not get stressed too easily and then I was stressed literally all the time, I had to figure out how to take care of myself. Definitely not by lowering my expectations for myself – because how stupid is that – but by not beating myself up in addition to everything else that’s putting pressure onto me.

SO. While I certainly do. not. have. the. answers. (as evidenced by the fact that I still get stressed easily and will most likely cry over these courses again next week – looking forward to it), here are some things I’ve learned.

Second, figure out what’s giving you the most stress and see if you can relieve some of the stress. Is your room a wreck but you don’t have time to clean it? Do it in steps: Make your bed one day, take five minutes to pick up all the clothes the next day, spend ten minutes on it instead of on Facebook the day after that (which should be the first thing because we all need reasons to stay off Facebook these days). Family member making you stressed? Get out of the house, if only just to spend some time in the backyard or something; use headphones to shut it all out for a little while; or, better yet, encourage them to get out of the house. (There’s almost nothing better than having an entire house to yourself.) School giving you trouble? Find someone who can help, work on it in spurts, set deadlines for yourself, reward yourself.

Which brings me to my third idea, the one I’ve been learning the most about recently:

SELF. CARE.

This is literally one of the best things you can do for yourself. I’ve found that it’s mostly talked about in the realm of people who have depression, mental illnesses, self-harm issues, or other issues like that, which is kind of a shame because everybody could use it.

I’m so glad I started to learn about self-care personally, because it’s changed how I cope with things. Instead of just bottling up the stress and pushing forward and never giving myself a break, I know how to deal with it in a better way now.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve learned how to reward myself when I’ve done my best by taking breaks after a long study session and curling up with a good book or guilty pleasure show. (I’m halfway through the second season of said guilty pleasure show and halfway through the book I’ve been rewarding myself with.) I set aside a day a week to work on my novel, which is a good idea because it needs to get done, it’s part of my massive final project, and it’s getting me into a good routine for when I’m done with college and can focus solely on my writing.

Now, this doesn’t mean I don’t work hard anymore. Far from it, actually. I’ve found that making myself take breaks has made me work even harder – and better. My writing has improved, my focus has improved, and my general attitude towards life has improved.

Plus, it’s always nice to have unexpected blessings, like spending the day with a good friend or your mom surprising you with gluten-free cupcakes.

All in all, my life has been pretty crazy lately, but mostly in good ways. I’ll probably be here less, but I’ll come back when I can.

{this post is finally done. i feel like it’s taken me forever to write it, and it’ll take you almost as long to read it. so i’m sorry, and if you read the whole thing… bless you.}

Can we agree that 2016 was just an all-around bad year? I mean this for the world in general. So many deaths and shootings – not to mention the atrocity that was the US presidential election.

{Side Tangent: In a previous draft, I said something about Carrie Fisher being okay. Well, that’s not true anymore (for Debbie Reynolds, either) and I don’t know how to process that. I’ve thought about it a lot and I think the reason there have been so many celebrity deaths this year is because God’s reminding us that our time here is so limited. When we were young, we felt so infinite. The days were long and death seemed so far away. But that’s not true. I’m not going to remind you to spend your time wisely because I know you’ve heard it before. So just… cherish it. And know that we’re all a little less infinite than we think we are.}

My personal year wasn’t quite as bad, and I think it ends up fitting with my year-long prayer, taken from this song:

“God, it has been quite a year-I’ve lived a little bit and I’ve died a little more.I know that I’ve asked it before,But please let the scale tip here in my favor.”

I think it has. This year has been full of disappointments and things that stress me out (pretty sure I had a full-on anxiety attack back in July and let. me. tell. you – that was not fun). Even so, this year has been full of really good firsts – first crush I’ve told people about, first trip to Universal (and two trips to Disney whattheevenheck), first girls-only trip… It’s been good. Though I’ve had my fair share of bad things, I know I’m better for it. While I wish some things hadn’t happened, I’m glad they shaped me into the person I am today.

As always, this yearly review is mostly just for me to look back on throughout the year, and you can read the whole thing or just skim it. (And, if you’re interested, here are the links to the other years I’ve done: 2011, 2013, 2014, 2015.)

January

Started journaling my days on a daily planner I got for Christmas (a first, which only lasted ’til September)

Finished the Harry Potter series and blogged extensively about my thoughts… and talked to friends who completely disagreed with me.

March

Again, studied and nannied a heck ton

Bought Jordan Taylor’s album (because I felt more connected after meeting him, duh)

Rediscovered Sherlock (long story)

Freaked out about all of the Mother’s Day posts on Instagram, only to discover that it was just Mother’s Day in the UK. (However, since I was out of the house, I bought flowers and surprised my mom with them. I’ll definitely be doing that again this year.)

April

Watched the High School Musical movies with a friend

Went to the first wedding of the year (and first since 2014, I think)

Started watching more movies by myself (bc I’m tired of waiting on my siblings and bc I have a brother whose opinion we have to consider) (movies include 17 Again, 13 Going On 30, and Napoleon Dynamite)

Had coffee with a friend and talked about her recent engagement, told her I didn’t have any guys in my life and wasn’t going to be interested in any until I graduated, Discovered A Guy that night (again, long story)

August

Started reading classics for my lit course and developed a deeper appreciation for classics

Went book shopping one Saturday with my sister (to two bookstores) and then had a fries taste-test – a day that will be remembered with fondness in both our hearts

Took my “little” bro to his first co-op and greatly enjoyed getting stuff done so early in the day (although I didn’t enjoy getting up so early)

Hosted a surprise sleepover for my friend (my first sleepover since I was six)

Started meeting new friends at our new church

Figured out the situation that caused the anxiety attack back in July (something I highly recommend – figure stuff out, guys; save yourself the stress; even if you do. not. want. to, it’ll be so much better in the long run, I promise)

Repaired more friendships – YAY

Had some bro time with my “little” brother while our sisters went to a camp for a week (we watched movies without them #oops)

The Furies happened (and we continue to talk about feminism and movies and relationships and generally just kick butt in all areas of life and I’m so happy to have such a close-knit friend group like this)

Blew through so many classics in such a short period of time – such a good feeling

Volunteered to play in an orchestra concert… the day before

Shared my testimony for the first time in a class at church

Studied: BYU’s Writing in the Social Sciences (7/16-9/16) // BYU’s The American Novel (7/16-9/16)

September

Started the month out with my car breaking down. Yay.

Nannied three days in a row – including a 9am-11pm day (which was my favorite day of the three because I took the kids to see Pete’s Dragon with my sister and then put them to bed early and watched movies ’til their parents got back)

Started watching Stranger Things with my sister… at 11pm at night… all by ourselves… (protip: not a good idea) (still, we finished the show within a week)

Hosted some friends for a weekend and had an absolute BLAST

Saw a friend star in You Can’t Take It With You

Went shopping with some girlfriends and actually bought something. And not just anything. A DRESS. I DON’T EVEN KNOW.

Got baptized : )

Started practicing music with friends for two weddings (and started calling ourselves The Last Page)

Introduced some friends to Lord of the Rings (which they loved, obviously)

Favorite Blog Posts: blogged the results of my summer bucket list, talked about bad boyz (even though my opinion on Jess Mariano has changed so much because he turned out to be the best guy for Rory), continued to ramble about love & feelings & stuff, and rambled about life in general (which y’all liked so I started doing it more)

December

Basically just chilled for the entire month. Read a lot of books, watched a lot of movies and TV shows, but mainly just lived. I made cookies and brownies with my baby siblings twice, and cleaned the kitchen and my room a lot. It was really fun to just relax and live life without the pressure of schoolwork looming over my head.

Went to a young adults Christmas party at our new church and had such a great time

Celebrated Christmas four times – with each of my parents’ families, my family, and an extended family Christmas (and had my sister’s boyfriend do Christmas with us, so that was An Experience)

Went to my grandparents’ house for an extended weekend before New Years and partied hard with my cousins and aunt & uncle (who talked with my siblings and I about stuff for hours upon hours, which was a blessing)

Honestly, it always blows my mind whenever I write these posts and look back at all of the amazing things I did. (And hOW DANG LONG IT TAKES ME OH MY GOSH. This one took me several sittings over several days – and I know I didn’t over everything.)

Anyway, I’m always so blown away with what I’ve been able to do in a year. Even though the year was ridiculously crazy at times, I wouldn’t trade any of the craziness for the world. Even though the year was rough, it still had some amazing experiences for me. I invested in friendships more than I ever have before (including at three people who are 5-8 years younger than me), I’ve learned more about relationships (the good and the bad), and I’ve learned to be authentic, to be honest, to give second chances, to know when to stop pouring myself into toxic relationships, to let go of grudges, and, obviously, I’ve learned how incredibly far I have to go. I know I won’t ever get there, but it’s nice to look back on a year and know that I’m a better person than the selfish idiot who wrote last year’s Year in Review post.

2017 is going to be incredibly interesting and I can’t wait to see where God leads me! My word of the year is “excelsior,” and I explained why on my Instagram, so I’ll just link to that and keep this from getting any longer!

Can’t wait to see where God has me at this time next year!

continuing the tradition of taking pictures of myself in the bathroom mirror on new years day even tho i didn’t feel like putting on makeup or doing anything to my hair or fixing my christmas nails but i won’t apologize bc this is how i look kthxbye

this will forever be one of my favorite pictures of all time. my siblings and i helped my grandma set up her tree last thanksgiving and we had such a blast.

I will give thanks to you, LORD, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds. – Ps. 9:1

As I think about how far I’ve come since last Thanksgiving, I’m amazed and in total awe of God’s goodness and grace. Some of you may remember my totally angsty thanksgiving post from last year. (*facepalm*)

In all honesty, I still have days like that, but they’ve been fewer as of late. Mostly because I’m constantly realizing how incredibly blessed my life is.

They never cease to make me laugh, stretch me, and teach me – everything from random facts about music and TV shows to anger management (*wink*). I’d be so lost without these kiddos.

(And we totally won Halloween, especially considering we had about two hours’ notice for costumes.)

I love my parents to DEATH, too, but I don’t have any recent pictures of them. So I’ll just say this instead: my parents are the best. They teach me so many life lessons, they love me even when I’m hard to love, and they support me constantly. I’m forever grateful.

I also have the literal best friends.

Friends who will Gilmore-bound to coffee shops with me, play weddings with me, and then invite me and my siblings to come watch Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life with them…

Friends who will invite me to Charleston for my very first girls-only weekend and get dressed up for a fancy-schmancy dinner in the car in a parking garage and talk to random guys about protesting and make totally inappropriate jokes with…

And friends who will let me stay at their house for a week and then take me and my siblings to Universal. And sing Moana songs 24/7. ALL THE HEART EYES FOR YOU GUYS. (And what a good looking group of people, if I do say so myself.) (“AND THANK YOU!”)

I’m grateful for books and the pretty places I can read them. This particular spot is my hidden sanctuary. I come here once or twice a week and read, drink coffee, or just sit.

And, finally, I’m thankful for coffee, especially on a rainy Sunday morning in Charleston with two of my best friends beside me.

(And more pictures from my Charleston trip are coming. Because I’m obsessed.)

What are you thankful for?

Disclaimer: I love my parents. I love my friends’ parents. This isn’t about anybody’s parents in particular. This is just something I’ve been thinking about, with no particular set of parents in mind. AND this isn’t meant to offend anyone. This is for you, my readers – to encourage you and to let you know that you’re not alone. Anyways. Onward.

(Disclaimer #2, or In Which I Realize I Should’ve Talked To My Parents Before Posting This…. See the end of this post.)

Courtship.

Depending on how you grew up and what you were taught, that word can either send shoots of awkward pain through your body or make you feel all warm and tingly. The same can be said for the word…

Dating.

(Half of you just hissed and scurried back to the shadows, I just know it. XD)

I’ve talked about how I grew up before a little (especially my thoughts on purity rings), but if you don’t know, I was raised with the courtship mindset. (And, before you freak out and unfollow, I’m still holding to some of those beliefs, though not all of them.)

To twelve-year-old me, courtship meant finding That Special Someone (or, rather, him finding me), getting to know him and his family better, him asking my dad for approval of our relationship, and us moving forward with a deeper relationship. To be honest, that’s still basically what I’m hoping for, but some aspects look a little different.

As I’ve grown up, though, I’ve realized that it isn’t that easy – not by a long shot.

Although never explicitly said, it feels like our parents and the books we read and the Bible studies we did implied that if we courted (and saved ourselves and all that), then a great guy would find us and we’d be happily married and ride off into the sunset.

As some of my friends and I have discovered, the courtship mindset isn’t a formula. It’s not waiting + courtship = relationship + marriage before 22. Agreeing to save ourselves and wait and court and all that jazz does not guarantee marriage.

In fact, it seems far from it.

Growing up with a courtship mindset kind of skewed my mind a little… and it did the same for my sisters, too. I realized the other day that I’d always assumed I’d have to court a few guys before I “got it right” – essentially that I’d make a ton of mistakes before finally meeting “the one.” For my sisters, one grew up so scared of making mistakes, and the other was at the verge of throwing caution to the wind.

(I’m feeling a pull to go off into a “Since when did pursuing more than one guy before landing on the right one become a bad thing???” tangent, but I’d better not. That’s another blog post for another time. XD)

One of the worst parts about growing up with this mindset, though, is being a girl in this sub-society where girls have to wait for the guy to approach them – or, in extreme situations, to approach her dad before she even hears of his interest.

What’s even worse (and here we finally come to the reason for this post) is that sometimes – sometimes – our parents don’t understand.

Obviously, if your parents courted, they know how you feel, and this post isn’t really for you. But if you’re a first-generationer like I was (and still am – gosh, I’ve got to get that figured out)… it’s hard.

“Wow, you’re really bashing my parents, aren’t you?” you say.

No, I’m not. (At least, I’m trying not to.)

I’m just trying to say that these parents who strongly encourage their kids to court all their lives really don’t understand how hard it is.

How hard it is to be in your twenties and never been on a date.

How hard it is to be this age and never know that a guy has ever been interested in you.

How hard it is to look on the past twenty-plus years and wonder if that’s what the next twenty will be like – with an absence of romance and a multitude of worrying.

I once tried to explain this feeling to my mom. My sister got it, but my mom didn’t. “You’re saving yourself!” Mom said. “You’re going to have the best marriage.”

It took everything in me to not say, “Yes, I know – you keep telling me that. But you started dating at fifteen, and I’m almost twenty-two and I’ve never been on a date, so it’s looking pretty bleak!”

I’ve since gotten a lot more content in my state of singleness, but it’s still hard sometimes. (Especially now, when families are starting to get together for the holidays and everybody’s asking about your love life cAN I GET AN AMEN?!)

HOWEVER. I’m not going to throw away the last ten years of waiting just because it’s getting hard. Because that would be stupid and negate all the time I’ve waited.

I’m not telling you to rage against your parents and renounce everything they’ve ever taught you. I’m just telling you… I get it. If you feel this way, you’re not alone. Your thoughts are valid. Just because some people don’t get it doesn’t mean that nobody does.

Our parents are wonderful people, and they may understand more about the world than we ever will. But if they dated and you’re not planning on it… this is one thing they don’t really get. And that’s okay.

“I get it,” you’re saying (hopefully). “I’m not mad at my parents for not understanding this, but I’m still confused about what I do from here.”

I’m confused, too. The only thing I’d recommend doing is the only thing I’ve found that works – to just accept it and wait. Pray for understanding for them and peace for yourself. You’re not a terrible person for thinking that they don’t get it (and you’re definitely not unlovable just because you’ve chosen to wait).

I’m not going to say that you’ll find love, because I can’t guarantee that. I’m also not going to say that your parents will understand in time, because I can’t guarantee that either.

However, I will say that we’re blessed with a God who does understand and that, as His children, we’re given the freedom to approach Him with confidence, knowing that He cares for us.

Therefore, since we have such a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to what we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who was tempted in every way that we are, yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. (Hebrews 4:14-16)

What are your thoughts? Have you decided to court or date? Where do your parents stand? Let me know in the comments!

ADDENDUM: Waiting is hard. I’m not trying to blame my parents for how hard waiting is, and I’m not trying to blame the courtship system. And just because it’s hard does not mean that I’m going to throw away the last ten years of protecting my heart. I’m not going to go get pregnant just because I’m tired of waiting. There are some days where I’m done with waiting, but that’s not the majority. I went to Charleston two weekends ago with two single friends, and we had a blast. We even talked about how great it was that we were all single and didn’t have to clear it with our significant others.

I know that waiting is hard, guys. But I think it’ll be worth it. And waiting is a decision I made when I was like eleven, and I’m sticking to it, no matter how hard it gets.

(Also, if you don’t think your parents understand what you’re going through, talk to them. It’s something I should’ve done before I posted this, and I’m sorry for representing them poorly by posting this without talking to them about it first. I love them very much.)