William Shake… who?!

Big Brother gave Brian the chance to win some much-needed emergency supplies for the House this evening – but the lad wasn’t overly thankful for the opportunity.

”I was in bed!” he moaned sleepily, as he arrived in the Diary Room.

”Housemates learn a lot during their stay in the House,” Big Brother intoned, clearly reluctant to acknowledge Brian’s bleariness.

”Brian, it is time to put your new-found knowledge to the test.”

”What?!” Brian yelled, alarmed.

”No, don’t gimme a test!”

”If you answer two questions correctly, you will win the group some emergency supplies,” Big Brother promised.

”No! You can’t make me do this!” Brian protested. ”‘Cos I’m gonna lose it, and everyone’s gonna be like, ‘Oh, Brian lost the task,’ and they’re going to be angry and stuff, and it’s gonna be all my fault.” But Big Brother ploughed on, asking Brian:

”Which one of the following was not a play by Shakespeare — Romeo and Juliet, Taming of the Shrew, or Babe: Pig in the City?”

”I don’t know who this geezer is who’s meant to have written or directed all these things,” Brian groaned, but eventually settled on Babe: Pig in the City, ”because they spoke normal in that. I don’t know how William Shakespeare directed it though.”

Brian then correctly completed some Village People lyrics, before Big Brother asked him the final question: ”Do women poo?””It’s not proper poo,” Brian decided. ”It’s like rabbit poo… girls that I know don’t do proper full-on dumps. But I’ll say yes.”

”Brian, in answering three out of three questions correctly, you have won emergency supplies for the group,” Big Brother told him solemnly. And as Brian celebrated, William Shakespeare began turning in his grave…