Sunday, January 30, 2011

So what's crackin'? Praise the Heavens! I'm back on my laptop. For the past few days I've been using my Blackberry to write blog posts because I was too cheap to pay for wireless in my hotel room. For the remainder of my trip I'll be visiting with locals here in Vegas/LA so I can use their wi-fi service.

I really don't feel like leaving Tuesday, dammit. Why is it once I get to Pacific time its always time to return home???

So ole Ian been going through it the last few days. Feelin' a bit inadequate not only in the circle of his peers, but in the glory (or the lack their of) life. Something is missing, again. For awhile I thought I'd found it. I was riding momentum but now that's gone the empty space leaves me wanting. Sometimes it's hard when your less than stellar in a crowd of folk who fly. I haven't felt loved, which is strange here cause you're constantly surrounded by people. There's been several faux paxs, humiliation to the Nth degree. A friend, (actually, the gentleman in the picture to the left. Mama always said give credit where credit is due. Buy Jamal's book while you're at it! ) recommended owning the situation, then moving on. Old habits die hard. But I'm making the effort...

I could use a good shoulder to cry on, but I refuse. For once, maybe not once OK, I'm going to pull it together and try. Use all the tools and resources I know are at my disposal, attempt to make the best of what I have. Hey, for what he's worth, Pharaoh is across the room. He's jammin' out to some music, but he's always willin' to listen when I need his ear. His brotherly love is enough to tell my crazy ass the truth, unlike other people I often surround myself, so best align myself with the truth, the fabulous, and the Divine. Yes, I'm leaving, but I'll be back. This is my resolve. And when I'll be back, I'll be a stronger brutha...

When the world around you tends to be just a little more glamorous, a bit more zealous, sometimes its hard not to stand in envy those who have. Sitting at bar, listening to friends and associates dish the t and ki-ki about all things, I'm intrigued by their spirit and freedom. I have a tendency to be shy and not so outspoken so I love being around people who aren't afraid to express opinion without reservation or concern. Maybe I'm just feeling social envy. Yeah call it that. The ugly duck in the pack of beautiful swans. Someday though, with a little effort, a little challenge, perhaps I'll be in that freedom zone. Or maybe I'll just grow old enough that I won't care....

Much waxing philosophic lately, eh? This place make me feel very alone in a crowd.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

By my own unusual nature, I tend ti be shy in new situations. Las Vegas is nit the city ti hold back one's nature. As the saying goes "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas." But does it really? Um no. I'm texting this sitting outside some club, a bit snookered, waiting for my friends to finish getting their party on. I've had my fill of loud music, crowded, dance floors, and smokey arena. I have two left feet and am utterly embarrassed I can't move my body with any sense of dance rhythm in existence. Going to a club is a preposterous event. I get too self-conscious, so I tend just drink.

What am I learning from my trip so far? Hm. I've met myself. Confronted the Buddha and wrestled with dearly beloved...figuratively speaking. In a world where life occasionally demands order, mine is lacking. This afternoon I received encouraging words to reach within and grasp talents I know exist, eschew uncertainty, and leave behind fear. So indeed, what I leave behind, what stays in Vegas, would be a good thing would it not? Life is perplexing.

The road ahead is long but not unmanageable. I'm going to be retooling to person I am and reshaping. Or all this just intoxicated ramble? Naw. My head is clearing and I've been feeling like this for a few days. This is the new beginning. A brand new tune. House blend even I can dance to.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Typically, I abhor large crowds. The over-stimulation tends to be daunting and works me into hyper-awareness of every flaw every perceived and imagined. Ironic isn't I find myself sitting here in a Vegas venue with a compadre trying to improve my future! The noise is hurting my ears and the people are too boisterous for this early in the morning. Oh I'm not being negative, I'm just unaccustomed to extreme loudness. Lord I just caught up with Pacific time...LOL.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

There are experiences in life that are meant to make one stop and give pause, reflect, and give homage to the moment. Then there those that are meant to confound and tease, giving hidden lessons, with sampled crumbs of wisdom along the way. "Some days you get bear and some days he gets you."

I don't understand the series of events going on. Looking my hotel window I can see mountains in the distance, dream of dry desert oiut there beyond the city limits. Thought turn to conversations in recent days and the rebellion still going on. Yankees indeed. Ok, so there always a pause here and there, but is hope? What is change? If all paths lead to the same conclusion, then is there risk at all?

Don't mind me. Working on some collective thoughts. Moving forward and emptying the garbage.... The next step where move without the original plan. My head is reeling from trying to decipher the Universal secret. If God has a plan for all of us, indeed, what's mine? To this point, I'm at a loss for words....

Been gone for a bit, sorry. I had to step away to take care of personal matters. Now, at the behest of our good brother Wonder Man, I'm just throwing a word or two on the spot. Its snowing, or so I'm told. I've been able to escape the cold of Old Man Winter for a few days and am relaxing in the delusion of a desert oasis... Yep, I'm in Vegas! It's OK so far, chillin, ready to commit fratricide at some moments (LOL) but you know it be when you're cooped too long. Stooopid shizz gets said. People work your nerves. You work their damn nerves. Yet time its all said and done you wouldn't change a thing.

Anyhoo nobody told me Vegas encourage escapism. Not in the wanna move here way, but in I need to take chance on Life. Hm. The soup is being stirred. Wonder what happens next?

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Despite not being a huge fan of BET, I'll tune in. Hopefully, Lord, hopefully, BET won't fuck up The Game like it seems to do with everything else. I tend to agree with Aaron McGruder's sentiment, but really, what other choice do we have???

Thursday, January 6, 2011

So I'm off today. I'm sitting watching CNN, half paying attention to Don Lemon interviewing with Steve Perry about some new drama about the education system, when I catch the news tag: "more dead fish were found."

This time in Maryland; Approximately 2 million. They've been finding dead fish have washed up near the Bay Bridge area on the Chesapeake River. Environmentalists are scrambling to find out why. Speculation is due to cold water temperature, but that seems like some bullshizz to me. Don't fish live in cold water and hibernate when in the winter?

This is getting funky. Just the other day in Arkansas there were all the dead birds and dead fish found?Then I heard a well-known theologian has predicted the world is going to end on May 21, 2011. Or at least that Jesus is taking all the good people away on that date. The sinners stay until October something when the final Day Judgment comes. These aren't necessarily my beliefs, just what I read.http://www.religioustolerance.org/end_wrl18.htm

Now, I'm not mocking or poking fun. Just making an observation here. According to the Book of Revelations there are supposed to be many signs and wonders in the "Last Days." But people has been prophesying the end for thousands of years. I'm just curious about the timing of certain events, especially since I don't believe in coincidence. I wonder.

What is the Universe/God/The Creator trying to tell us? And given the big hoopla about next year, 2012... While I don't there will be the Apocalypse, I do think something significant will occur. As to what, I can't say. Too many cultures focused on 2012. The Mayans, Incas the ancient Greeks, Egyptians, Chinese, Celts, Picts, Druids, and so forth... so for it not to be symbolic in some fashion would a colossal disappointment. Again, the coincidence principle: there's no such thing.

Lord help me! Last night, after a conversation with Pharaoh, I was had some extra time before bed. Didn't feel like reading, watching TV, or going to sleep early, so I decided to surf over to the Tumblr spots. Um, why didn't anybody warn me everybody and their mama got a Tumblr blog these days?!?! Hahaha.

Yours truly is half way tempted to jump ship and start a project over there. LOL, but I can't keep up with Blogspot and Tumblr is so 21st century for a 2oth century dude like me. I'm just an ole head and to be honest I don't know home much longer I'll keep blogging here. So no, for now I'll pass. For now I'll keep appreciating all that over stimulation being provided by everyone else!

Monday, January 3, 2011

So I'm sitting here, indecisive as ever, wrestling with which ticket to purchase for my trip. I think by now I'd be used to the whole flying process. I've already decide to go through the scanners, I mean really if they that desperate to see my fatness, go on. When did flying because such an ordeal though? I wish my next trip was more pleasure, less business, but in the end if it brings me money...a little inconvenience will be worth it.

Sitting at my desk this afternoon, I stared at the window, internal strife raging. One situation, I was grateful that at the eleventh hour last month we got the reprieve from lay-offs in my department. The other hemisphere was cursing the day I set foot in that office and wishing I could make a break for it and run from the Plantation, head north to freedom, like other before... ::sigh:: Yeah I know I need to be grateful I have a job. Midlife crisis wander lust is setting in again. Maybe it's the January Blues taking root, but everywhere I look, I see room for improvement. Just bored with situations as normal, you know?

The other tasks at hand is attempting get back on the wagon with losing weight and quitting smoking. I quit cold turkey New Year's Day with the cigs. Don't know how much longer my will power is gonna last with that. My natural inclination is to turn to food, but then I keeping about flying and Lord know I don't wanna be like Kevin Smith and his sitch with Southwest Air. LOL. I laugh, but dude, seriously. Ian has packed on some pounds over the holidays. It ain't cute. I might resort to some drastic measures here in minute. Anybody remember Tammy, circa The Real World: Los Angeles 1992? When when she wired her mouth shut just to lose weight? Hm, that's an option, heh.

All kidding a side. I'm tempting to start a health journal, but the humiliation of it all... would that work? Shame can be a powerful motivator. Who knows? But I'll be 41 in less than two months, so I need to take my life seriously. Stop procrastinating and act like life is the real deal. After all, I only got one chance....

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Lawd grant me the serenity not to commit cellular homicide, for my smart phone hath gone astray. I'll never buy another Blackberry product, EVER, again. Now I just need to decide what phone I need to upgrade to. I'm fairly satisfied with my network carrier, T-Mobile, but the damn phone has got to go!!! My text messages delete by themselves, apps never work properly, the phone times out at the weirdest times, on and on....

Any suggestions on a good smart phone. I want to stay away from AT & T (the worst rated network). I know a few folks with the Droid, but didn't hear any feedback from them. Anybody?

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Well, it's a changes of the page, change of the calendar. A brand new day and a brand new year.... Yay. Today plenty folks are sitting down and making promises to do this, that, or the other thing to improve themselves or someone else. I wish us all the most success. I have my own agenda set for the next few weeks, so I'm right there with ya!

Now that 2011, which I've decided to give in and recognize as "Twenty Eleven," is here I will endeavor to blog more frequently. I can't guarantee my diatribe will garner much interest (have you checked out those Tumblr joints?!?! Damn.) But Just even if it's just a word or two, I'll try to maintain this for at leat one more year.

I kinda miss the collective blog we used to have, MALE. That was a colossal failure, but a learning experience.... Never mind. Just reminiscing. People tend to do that this time of year, heh heh.... Oh well. Out with the old, in with the new. Here's to new beginnings. It's a brand new day.

Disclaimer

While this blog is not really intended to show adult content, I can't guarantee that an occasional image of male nudity won't appear. Be advised that this blog is intended to be read by people with an open mind. I don't claim any rights to the images nor do I have any knowledge of the sexuality of persons featured (unless they are openly gay...duh). Enjoy yourself and take a small step in my every day life and pondering...
Feel free to email any comments or opinions.