Friday, March 13, 2009

Canberra, Australia: Clinton Funt, President of lobby group Australian Organisation for the Prevention of Groinal Cruelty, has demanded today that a match up occur between phone sex girls of a geopolitical hue and that recordings of this cavort combat be made available at a low, low cost.

‘You know what I’m talking ‘bout,’ said Funt, mimicking the catch-phrase of long distant in tv time 80’s child star Gary Coleman. ‘There’s that ad with the Russian babes – with that brunette with the coquettish moose hat wobble, and there’s the one with the French chicks carefully checking each other for poo nuggets. By their powers combined they could be something small screen erotically wonderful.’

Funt said that the Russian babes and the French babes should be limited to weapons of a pillow or dildo-esq nature, and that giggling should feature prominently within the sound track to the video. He suggested to that if they wanted a sexy Jets V Sharks West Side story like advance of the two parties, he wouldn’t be adverse as long as it got down to some serious groping within a few moments of the finger clicking.

‘Historically the last time France and Russia fought was when Napoleon captured the ruins of Moscow then was forced to flee not from steel but the snow. Now we can relieve this encounter, only instead of bayonets and muskets, we’re talking muff diving and boozies. Imagine some fired up 1812 Overture tooling out your phone speaker as their pink bits spring out from form fitting lacy coverings?!’

‘If you excuse the pun, what we need to see in effect is a good old fashioned ho down,' said Mr Funt.