Last week my husband of 9 years told me that he wanted a divorce. In any other circumstance I might of cried continuously or gotten very angry. Instead I wanted to know what happened, and where he was coming from. He told me that my problems with uncontrollable anger have been too much for him, and he cannot handle it anymore. At that moment I started my path towards change. I am seeing a therapist who recommended Eckart Tolle's book The Power of Now, and as I started reading it realizations swept over me. I have always realized I have an anger problem, and it is so controlling that at times I haven't even realized I was in that place. Once I started practicing living in the now I haven't let the anger or depression creep in. This is pretty amazing because it is the first time in my life. I hope that I could somehow save myself and my relationship by trying to change within. I have made an effort, but he is still focused on moving on. I am trying to accept this with as many tools as I can use. I take time every morning to practice calmness. I am going to start taking group meditation so I can further be present. It may be a while until the house we are in sells, and we cannot leave until it does. In turn I need to be as present as possible so I can get through this smoothly without a negative event. I love this person very much, and only want the best for him. He is a very good person. I of course experience many calming times, but it seems like the thing that comes in the most is fear. I know this is common, but does anyone have any other ideas on how I might deal with that. I am not crying or getting angry, and when the fear comes I try to breathe and focus. For me this is a true battle. Another caveat is I have Mental illness. I never thought I would be able to control the emotions that arise from that illness, but I truly am living in the now. I don't care who I was - I just want to be a more positive and loving person. The label of my illness will not get in the way anymore of me having a happy life.
Thank You Kindly

Welcome angel_ove. Sorry you are struggling with a big life event. I recommend The Sedona Method - both from its compelling presentation in the book by that title and from my experience using it. Helps with releasing emotional issues. All of them.

Namaste, Andy

A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

It's inspiring to hear how you are changing for the better because of Eckhart's teachings. I'm sorry you have to go through such a tough time in order to find the peace of Presence.

My experience has been similar to yours (8 months practicing Tolle) in that I had trouble with depression, anger, fear, etc., except that mine manifested mostly at work. As I've progressed in Presence, those emotions are very much in the background now, and I am at peace and rejoicing in life. I didn't have to do anything special other than practicing Presence and daily meditation. I just keep Presence in the forefront of my mind all day, as best I can. I hope it will be as easy for you.

Two other teachers I have found helpful are Byron Katie and Candice O'Denver. You'll find both in an online search. Katie teaches how to analyze emotions that constantly intrude on Presence and let them go. Candice amplifies Eckhart's teaching about Presence by saying we need to practice many small moments of peace many times a day, and that by doing this, we learn to predominantly live in peaceful Presence.

Hope these other resources and Eckhart help you and that you get through this difficult time OK. My heart goes out to you in your struggles.

RC

"They are all...perfect..." --Ken Watanabe, dying scene in the movie The Last Samurai

Hi angel,
I am in the same situation as you and my post is in the painful and long separation notice thread.
I am glad you are taking it as you are, but allow your emotions and do not suppress them Fighting them will not work. Did your husband decided to leave suddenly or could you tell things were not right? from the sounds of it he just told you last week. that is quite a shock and you could still be in denial of the whole fact. it is good you are in a support group. ET is the best one to follow. I always go back to him and present moment awareness. watch the thinker and be in the present as much as you can at this difficult times. when you can't..., stay with your emotions, even allow yourself to cry but do not let your emotion become mental movies or disasters painted by the mind.
blessings
nutrition

angel_ove wrote:. At that moment I started my path towards change. I am seeing a therapist who recommended Eckart Tolle's book The Power of Now, and as I started reading it realizations swept over me.

Hello Angel

ET has said it takes moments of pain to realize who we really are- this has been so in my case.
The saying 'this too will pass' is absolute -you can bank on it.
Not to diminish romantic love,but there are many beautiful people in the world. Some how I always found some one else to love.
You sound so in tune now-please stay on the path. There are no problems,only situations.

Is your Husband a person you would say more or less follows the principles of ET. If not and he is not aware of the teachings he may be subject to the many games of the unenlightened mind. Some of the possible things he is dealing with are resentment, grievances, hatred or the inability to realize that it was your pain body acting out in the past not your true essence. You know that your true essence is now flourishing but he may not have the capacity to see it and he may be self absorbed with the above mentioned issues due to not having the newfound knowledge you have. I would encourage you to both study ET and if he can understand his teachings you may have a chance to bring presence in your relationship together.

I am married for 20 years and thinking of divorce as my option because my spouse refuses to become conscious. I have not made the final decision but when I have to deal with bursts of anger from her I have to decide each time if this will happen again and will I be able to shrug it off. Eventually it drains my energy and I feel I have so much to do in life and need all my energy for positive change. Some people however will never change. You just have to accept them, change yourself or leave the situation as ET says. Resisting what is will not solve anything but create pain in you.

You are handling this very well I think. Your challenge is to help your partner see you have changed and removing the history he views you with and being in the now not the past.