"One's destination is never a place, but a new way of seeing things." Henry Miller

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Debriefing

Many have been asking lately, "How does it feel to be home?"

Good question. I'm not sure yet myself. And I'm still trying to figure out, "Where IS home?"

It's good to be back in America for:

an endless supply of any foods I crave, including garden-fresh produce

a whole country full of people who speak the same language I do

shopping where I know how to find deals

having our own stuff, and not having to fear "accumulation"

boat rides on the lake and walks in the field

quaint yarn shops with community knitting and crafting super-stores with endless inspiration

of course, being near family and friends

little conveniences that we take for granted & don't realize till they're missing

It's also hard being back, and some of the reasons are strange:

The landscape is very lush and green...it's beautiful, but strangely hard to get used to. I'm kind of pining for southern California just for the familiarity in landscape. It's crazy how the harshness endears itself to you...struggle creates the closest bonds.

Humidity...suffocating.

Driving is boring because people actually drive in lanes and obey traffic laws...having a hard time being okay with that. I mean, I really shouldn't have to wait for cars to pass to pull out onto the road--fluid traffic, people!

I miss being mobbed with people coming up to pinch my babies' cheeks or steal them away to show their friends. I miss perfect strangers treating me like a long-lost friend.

(disclaimer: this point is in no way intended to be directed at the people or places where I am currently located, it is merely a feeling): I feel enclosed and bound by small thoughts and small ambitions and single-paned ideas and safe actions...when I'm kind of ready to take on the world.

Homelessness is really, really hard. It's been enormously hard coming home husbandless with 2 small children and a load of stuff, and just kind of float in limbo with no place to belong. We can't unpack, we can't find things we need, we can't begin the process of feeling normal, we just kind of exist haphazardly. And those of you who faithfully read my blog (many thanks!) know how important a place and belonging is to my emotional health...so here's praying God answers soon!

1 comment:

SO glad to hear that wonderful story in your last post of your miraculous flight. Sometimes things are mysteriously "right." I hope settling in goes smoothly. Yay for all the good in home and also for all the new good things you've discovered that you love from Jordan. Maybe you can puzzle them over and figure out how to work them into your normal US existence.

About Me

My childhood dream was to either be or marry an archaeologist...I happily chose the latter. I am mommy to 3, with more to come! I love language, travel, culture, nature, food, written text, all things old & all things young, and oh so much more!