A Humorous Spin On the Religious Experiences of Humanity

This short essay is an adaptation from a speech given at a Toast Masters Opportunities Knocks club meeting on a Humorous Spin on the Religious Experiences of Humanity.

The religious experiences in the order dealt with are:

1.Eternal Recurrence

2.Reincarnation: anyoneness

3.Reincarnation: everyoneness

4.Salvation

5.Meditation

6.Omniscience

7.Life in this realm

Eternal Recurrence is where the universe we individuals and myself have pre-curred, do occur and will occur an infinite number of times the same way. Such that our past is in our future, our future is in our past and if we lived our lives backwards or forwards in time we would come back to this present moment.

I don’t know whether I’m coming or going.

I will have to experience that K-12 thing again and again.

Living this same life over an infinite number of times would probably get boring. But I’ll also be everyone else an infinite number of times.

From the 1986 Woody Allen film “Hana and Her Sisters” the character Mickey states: “And Nietzsche, with his theory of Eternal Recurrence, he said that the life we lived we’re gonna live over again the exact same way for eternity. Great. That means I’ll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.”[1]

No offense to the Ice Capades

Radical reincarnation is where all minds transmigrate to all bodies and all bodies contain all minds.

Anyoneness: each of us is each of us, anyone is anyone.

Every time my father spanked me he spanked himself.

I’d rather be a foot fungus than some people.

When I’m in love with a woman I’m in love with myself. Which makes for some strange conversation and other things.

Everyoneness: each of us is everyone at once. Where our identities are extinguished.

What more is there to do?

Where did everybody go?

With the experiences of anyoneness and everyoneness I’m burning the candle at both ends but both experiences extinguish the flames.

Salvation is where we individuals have eternal before and after life where we choose our lives in this realm in totality before living them.

When I die from that realm I’m born into this realm. When I die from this realm I’m born into that realm. Which is kind of confusing when you think about it.

When in Heaven everyone that hates me in this life will love me in that life. I wish they would make up their minds.

Because I love all others in totality in heaven I regret hurting them in this realm. But because I chose this life before living it I don’t regret anything. Or, I regret and don’t regret the same things.

In regard to a pre-chosen life: sorry everyone I’ve changed my mind.

Helter Skelter, Rubber Soul? Eat your hearts out Beatles.

Meditation is where all identities are a breath a mantra neither this nor that.

There’s no place like Om sweet Om.

Practicing Om mantra forever now can bring about infinite serenity but it can also be as boring as hell.

From “Home Home On the Range”

Om Om on the brain

Where the Buddha and Krishna meditate

Where seldom is heard any other word

And everyone transcends every day

What more is there to say?

Omniscience is where the religious experiences of humanity are complimentary and interdependent forms of knowledge. And each of us will experience everything there is to experience from our own unique perspective.

I’m so philosophically full of myself I’m about to burst.

A cosmic song of omniscience: From “Its a Small World After All”

It’s a small universe after all

It’s a small universe after all

It’s a small universe after all

It’s a small small universe

It’s a universe of happiness a universe of bliss

It’s a universe of acceptance, love and forgiveness

There’s so much that we cherish

There’s so much to replicate (make happen again)

It’s a small universe after all

Life in this realm

If God didn’t have a sense of humor she/he wouldn’t have created humans.

It’s my life’s goal to develop a non-dogmatic dogma, and to write a non-manifesto manifesto.

I’ve enjoyed my life in this cosmos so much and I hope you feel the same way.

How about an encore of existence.

And in the (unrelated) words of the Beach Boys: “lets get together and do it again!”