MissLT wrote:It's all about perception when it comes down to retelling a story.

I completely agree. And we all do it. When two people try to retell the same story, or an event they were part of, it will always be slightly different, because of the fact that people remember things differently, and shift their focus on different parts of the story, they consider important. So, in the ends of the day, it does come down to how you see thing, in other words, how you perceive them.

Background in Applied Linguistics and Social Studies. Likes the creative process in using an L2. Chomsky addict. Obsessive-compulsive about cats.
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MissLT wrote:It's all about perception when it comes down to retelling a story.

I completely agree. And we all do it. When two people try to retell the same story, or an event they were part of, it will always be slightly different, because of the fact that people remember things differently, and shift their focus on different parts of the story, they consider important. So, in the ends of the day, it does come down to how you see thing, in other words, how you perceive them.

true, this is why learning/studying is so important in someone's life. It develops/advances the quality of our own way of thinking (minds). So, I think if someone's way of thinking is higher than the others they are capable of creating solutions that will best fit the situation and not to make things worst.

MissLT wrote:It's all about perception when it comes down to retelling a story.

I completely agree. And we all do it. When two people try to retell the same story, or an event they were part of, it will always be slightly different, because of the fact that people remember things differently, and shift their focus on different parts of the story, they consider important. So, in the ends of the day, it does come down to how you see thing, in other words, how you perceive them.

true, this is why learning/studying is so important in someone's life. It develops/advances the quality of our own way of thinking (minds). So, I think if someone's way of thinking is higher than the others they are capable of creating solutions that will best fit the situation and not to make things worst.

I've met people who have a master or PhD degree, and believe me some of the things they say would make you roll your eyes so far back your head that you'd see your brain screaming at their bullshit.

On people who are hiding on other people's back while spreading bad rumours about some people. Maybe they hide because they know that they cannot be an effective motivator because they too are not perfect. (that's too bad.. )

Have you seen an adopted daughter downgraded the real daughter in a family... (well, I think it's only here in my country)... I think, this is because some people wanted to appear good and helpful even to the point of discrediting, criticizing or trivializing (it's abused) their own (only) biological daughter with the hopes that other people would help them because of the help the family had extended to others before.
Sometimes, it is just frustrating and depressing to expect for something to come/happen.

Krisi wrote:Have you seen an adopted daughter downgraded the real daughter in a family... (well, I think it's only here in my country)... I think, this is because some people wanted to appear good and helpful even to the point of discrediting, criticizing or trivializing (it's abused) their own (only) biological daughter with the hopes that other people would help them because of the help the family had extended to others before.
Sometimes, it is just frustrating and depressing to expect for something to come/happen.

may appear confusing but one thing sure there are 3 characters in this story.

why can't some people accept that they need someone's help? Every body needs each others help but still there are those who do things so that it won't be obvious that they really need the other. Others pay for people to collect information or opinion of another even if they know that they can easily approach the other.
There are those people also who create scene so that they can get the crowd of the person they are destroying. They are strange eccentric people. They want others to appear bad so that they will become prominent. Whatever there belief in life I think it's only for them so they should not include others.

good for you... you are talkative! whatever happened I know you are well ready for it. Good luck!

I have never been a talkative student in school, even up to now. (my teachers from elementary to high school until college, knew this...) this is why there are some people following me here on this site because everybody wants to know what I have discussed with the other person even if there is nothing that concerns them. Then when they found out that I said nothing important to another person those people trying to get some information would throw what they did to a relative so now relatives are quarreling and do spying works.

It was dreadful to see your own relatives ill-treating you because they believe, that they won't benefit from you anymore. A clear example of corruption.
I think what they have learned in their entire life is just superficial... their belief and religion is just in front of them for people to see and just let their own soul worry for tomorrow. I guess this is also one reason why people are suffering and why people become unhappy... because the soul is not at peace with the mind.

So, when you experienced this, how would you react? how would you feel?

tomnew wrote:I will love more my mother and understand her why done that to me. Truth will always come out no matter how she tell wrong story.

of course love for mother is always there. But even if you know you love her ... learning or knowing that something wrong about you is spreading will hurt you terribly because we are human too... being their child does not make you less of a human.

they just showed how they destroy families and left the victim alone to face the problems everyone had created. I think that's there idea of sharing... also sharing in ruining other people's lives. I think it should be sharing in helping to mend or to help make someone's life better not worst.

their adviser is corrupt! his interest is so obvious. He pretends to be good but the truth is he is so corrupt... he knows that there is a lot of money for him later if he will go on taking advantage of the situation even if he knows that he has other brothers and a sister who is older than him.

Where is the Saviour? He doesn't believe in that (Saviour), that is why he has no conscience. With his eyes wide open he is making evil desperate moves.

he is really a liar... he said something evil to my mother again that made my mom cried... I apologized and embraced my mom and explained my mom that, I asked him properly (twice or thrice repeatedly), thinking that he didn't hear me because my voice was too low, I just pushed a console table with the intent to do things myself. thinking that the table is heavy I really pushed the table in full force so that I could make a space but the table was light and out came the drawers too and just fell sideways ... because what I just asked is "if it couldn't be moved backward?" then he got annoyed all of a sudden without thinking how he reacted that made me decide to arrange his mess by myself... then he pushed back to me another material I think he was working on... maybe to scare me but I then pushed it back to him and told him that I just thought it was heavy... it was just his fault, if he answered my question then nothing will happen. He is really a hypocrite, arrogant, he thinks so high of himself. He thought it would make him a good person fighting with a female. I am not the only female person he had fought with, there are others and the other is his ... & .... I know this because those people told me... I don't care if those people won't admit this but this was the truth... he is really bad... (those people are his wife, his mother-in-law and his niece)
he is really so arrogant, I just so wish that what he was working on broke (sort of carpentry work, and for what-- I don't know coz he is not a regular resident of this place) ... then it's good... his fault

that's my younger brother (right next to me)... I don't know what he's going through at this point in his life but he should know that I have my own problems too but didn't behave the way he is behaving. He should just learn to accept that our parents have other son's and an elder daughter. Since he is younger and a family man already he should know where to place himself and should know what he is trying to infuse in the minds of his own children, nephews and nieces.. he definitely is not the boss here because we have our parents with us and he has other brothers and an elder sister too.

Krisi wrote:Have you seen an adopted daughter downgraded the real daughter in a family... (well, I think it's only here in my country)... I think, this is because some people wanted to appear good and helpful even to the point of discrediting, criticizing or trivializing (it's abused) their own (only) biological daughter with the hopes that other people would help them because of the help the family had extended to others before.
Sometimes, it is just frustrating and depressing to expect for something to come/happen.

may appear confusing but one thing sure there are 3 characters in this story.

the truth is the biological father of the adopted child is a rehabilitated (they said) drug addict, who left her biological mother when she was still 7 months old in her mother's womb. Then before she turned 1 year old her biological father found a new wife and re-married even before the first marriage was annulled. So at the time the marriage from her parents was annulled, her biological father had a child already from the other woman. So it was really good for the biological father to just keep quiet when the case was going on so that the woman and the biological father won't have a more grievous case against them.
the misunderstandings between her biological father and real mother started when the daughter was only 3 months in her mother's womb. Her mother was pushed by the biological father from the bed at that time because the mother didn't argue anymore with her biological father on his coming home late and so drunk again because this had became a routine every night though he had no work at that time. Then a lot more serious incidents followed that led to their separation. Those were the time when she was 7 months old in her mother's womb.

Her real mother and foster parents were willing to support her on her studies but she was a college drop out and wouldn't go to school if things didn't go the way she wanted. This is why she didn't get a proper degree. She was also incapable of being a working student because once when she was asked to help in a business in exchange for the support she needs for her studies, she wouldn't go to school too and blame the business for her absence in school but the truth was she prefered to stay with her friends who at that time met up with other friends aside from her not going to school because of her mood swings.

Up to this time she cannot understand why she is in a pedestal where she is now. It's not because of her foster parents but because of her real mother who tried to save her from her ill-mannered father. And so the real mother had been continuously helping that adopted child whenever she asked for help until the time the adopted child got married. Then later when it was the real mother who was in need the adopted child knows that she cannot get what she wanted anymore so she talked bad about her real mother and other people around them. I just think, circumstances set her mother free from all of this burden the adopted child was giving even to her real mother. To think that the biological father of that adopted child didn't support her while she was growing up the adopted child cannot in anyway talk bad of her real mother because that's her real mother even if the real mother is incapable of supporting the adopted child. But this adopted child’s case is different because the real mother had supported her needs while she was growing up until the time when her real mother cannot afford anymore to support her. But, that time just came right when the adopted child got married and so it was that incident that broke that bond that linked the mother and child. This is to her liking because she chose to talk bad about her real biological mother who took care of her from the time she was small; it was the real mother's work to bring her for doctor's check ups, taking care of her from the time she was an infant until the time the child could eat and take bath by herself.. then when she grew up, the foster mother took turn with the real mother in bringing the adopted child to her elementary school while the real mother was also trying to finish her college degree, and when the real biological mother graduated and finished school, she worked for a small company at there place and was also working like the nanny to her own child. Life became lighter for both (the biological) mother and child because the real mother has work already. The real mother started to be able to support her child's needs and even buy some beautiful clothes for her... At that time things were going smoothly but when the adoption situation had gotten in... their life changed and so people around her couldn't seem to know how to handle her.
She became a badly behaved, rebellious child who blame everything around her without seeing herself as the main doer and writer of her own life...
- - - - -

Until the time that adopted child would not understand her own mistakes and learn how to stay low she will forever be lost in this world.
All what I can say is wishing her luck in her chosen field. This is what she wanted and God is watching all of us.

soap operas in my country are not so good this season... there are a couple of shows showing the rights of illegitimate child/children how about the rights of the legitimate wife and/or child who's been abandoned by the husband and/or father?

MissLT wrote:It's all about perception when it comes down to retelling a story.

I completely agree. And we all do it. When two people try to retell the same story, or an event they were part of, it will always be slightly different, because of the fact that people remember things differently, and shift their focus on different parts of the story, they consider important. So, in the ends of the day, it does come down to how you see thing, in other words, how you perceive them.

yes, it's really like that if you don't understand the situation. People around (those who are looking on one side only) will just keep on reversing the true statement and in the end won't believe the side of the actual person affected.

There are people here who tries to infiltrate lives of other people and mess there family lives. (They exist to oppose). They meddle with other people's family lives, create problems or add to their problems so that they can get in and show that they did something to solve the problem of their target family. I think they are forgetting their own family lives, I am sure they too have problems of their own that needs more attention as well.
One thing, if you are positive you will look at it as a challenge but if you are negative you end up fighting for something you don't understand.
Good luck!

Well, if both of them cannot understand how they arrived to where they are now they will be lost forever so they really just have to move on if they can. Because they have forgotten where they started so they really have to create a starting point.
If they can easily turn their backs to those people who had helped them and (if they) continue to disrespect them they will never changed even if they try to change from one religion to another because the fault is on them not on the things or the people around them.
Remember you both created the divide from your wife's relatives so don't tug any of her relatives to prove something to favour you.

You simply approach her and ask her why she did what she and try to understand her perspective. If you see her point, well and good. If you think there is some misunderstanding, try clearing the air and talk to her. Be calm throughout and not get agitated and say things that you can't take back. If nothing helps, forgive her and move on. Eventually, truth shall prevail.