“Hey, what are the chances that you could get me out of it too?” asked Dakota Johnson.

Even though the horny horny mommies have spent nearly $410 million of their damp dollars on the film Fifty Shades of Grey and would easily spend another $410 million to see Part 2, there’s apparently not enough money that could make anyone associated with that sleepy mess stick around for a sequel. First director Sam Taylor-Johnson and screenwriter Kelly Marcel hint that they don’t want anything to do with it, and now Australian magazine NM (via The Mirror) says Christian Grey himself is trying to tip-toe his way to the exit door. According to a source, Jamie Dornan has told producers that he won’t be back for a Fifty Shades sequel, and there are a couple reasons why.

1. Jamie’s wife, Amelia Warner, isn’t crazy about him getting mildly sexy on-screen. The source says she hasn’t seen the movie, probably never will, and doesn’t want to think about all the horny former Twihards types getting moist for her husband.

2. Jamie was promised the movie would make him a big star, but so far its just made him the big star of a crappy movie. Jamie apparently hates reading all the bad reviews of Fifty Shades and he doesn’t want to read any more.

3. Jamie is done working with living breathing grey turtleneck Dakota Johnson because they had zero chemistry. Additionally, he thinks the bad reviews are her fault because she “gave him nothing to work with”.

That feels like an awful lot of words just to say “…because the sequel will suck“, doesn’t it? That source could have just said “Jamie Dornan doesn’t want to come back for the Fifty Shades sequel, because DUH, it’s a sequel to Fifty Shades of Grey” and we’d all nod our heads in agreement, because that explanation makes perfect sense.

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