THE NEW YORKER Neanderthal Woman, who would drag him to her ca ve, roll great stones against the door, and marry him. The Neanderthal Woman had no charm, but she had a club. The Neanderthal Man was so difficult to rouse that one wonders if it was worth It. Neanderthal Men had very short fibulas. They walked with a shuffling gait, like Edgar Wallace characters. They were slow on the uptake. The Neanderthals lived in groups under an Old Man who would drive out all the likely youths as soon as they were likely. Then the more intelligent girls would stroll off in the same direction to pick wild flowers. They would have clubs. The Neanderthal Man had plenty of brains but somehow they did him no good. During the Great Ice Age the glaciers kept advancing and retreating ITIuch more than they do now. They kept the Nean- derthals on the run. The glaciers were in a wild sta te and only the fleetest N eander- thals could escape from them. This was the survival of the fleetest. The Neanderthal Man had fires, caves, mar- row bones, mosquitoes, love, and arthritis. What more can you ask? THE CRo-MAGNON MAN T HE Cro-Magnons were an old man, two young men, a woman, and a chIld. The woman's brain waS larger than the average man's. She had been killed with a blunt implement. The Cro-Magnons were very tall and had perfectly enormous fibulas. They were so wonderful that they were call- ed Homo sapiens, after us. They had Adam's apples. The Cro-Magnons were Upper Pleistocene and respec- table. They invented Santa ,Claus, foreign missions, eggplant, punctuation, tatting, and new methods of killing Neanderthals. They made rules pre- venting each other from doing what they did. We should love the Cro- Magnons because they were so smug. The Cro-Magnons were interested in art because of their unhappy home life, which in turn was caused by their art. They would paInt a Woolly Rhinoc- eros or a Paleolithic Bison in a cave when there was no one to stop them. Their favorite painting was called "A Yard of Paleolithic Bison." Their art was Independent and was finally ar- . I t :". , I .0 ": -.-. ..... . .". . ." .. ... .? ::::. " ..' ! ;\' ""',1 1i" ......, :.;1;: ,'-4 l f i t!. M' .:: :$::: : ,[ . , . ': !;w .it : 'Wi . ..,..,:,;:.,::t- . /.'lè l :: .:.;. : i '1' w :: .: .,' {;^ tJ f , !:t . ".'S: .#;. . . 'H :1 ' ...,-1' i . ;. +. .' " ? t " ",;I . '.,' wð?' " . - . , .'.' ; - '. lit' ;/,c 19 ø . \ ' "" 1 ;':" . n "" ::. :.. -. , ::: :;. :.1.. $. ( : .::;:: ,; .,./$ ':'. '.,-;:;, ':Am.:: i; - .... ".- .... ".- . ': ;;' ., '; 4 " .....1:"\&.,.,. .l :"\"' .:: ' :<:.z:t: < : .,::' . ::.( %.: i. ':::: { : '": m m m ;' f ,;i ' <; , : w \\ .....:-:.. ....:-:. .. -. -, + .=;v.- .. K *L. "\ . , . ; . " . << , : , , ; . ;\ . .::f , , i Ju " " . "ri,(':\,:il ,.:' I \':4 ::f.." :,:.:< ;: '; :'jl ,. .l j/ '1 .... ; îé!: .\. (: :, \ ::-: : .:i--; . ;. . r',;.4 .1 ./. .,,"7 .......... ::: x.:.. -;:::::" " I . " , ",: 11 {; ilJ;í?1 .,:.,,;t::i' 1;& :;> ((What is this Fresh Salmon Salad " rested. It was Late Aurignacian be- cause it was found in Early Solutrian deposits. The Cro-Magnons died out because they neglected sex. THE MODERN MAN T HE Modern Man, or Nervous Wreck, is the highest of all Mam- mals because anyone can see that he is. There are about two billion Modern Men, or too many. The Modern Man's highly developed brain has maJe him what he is and you know what he is. The development of his brain is caused by his upright or bipedal posi- tion, as in the Penguin, the Dinosaur, and other extinct Reptiles. Modern Man has been called the Talking Ani- mal because he talks more than any other three animals chosen at random. . . He has also been called the Reasoning Animal, but there may be a catch in this. The fissure of Sylvius and the fissure of Rolando enable him to argue in circles. His main pursuits in the order named are murder, robbery, kid- napping, body-snatching, barratry, nepotism, arson, and mayhem. This is known as the Good, the True, and the Beautiful. They mature slowly but make up for it later, generally from July 1 to June 30, inclusive. The fe- males carry nickels and pins in their mouths. They are fond of glittering objects, bits of ribbon, and olives. All Modern Men are descended from a Wormlike Creature, but it shows more on some people. Modern Man will never become extinct if the Demo- crats can help it. -WILL CUppy