News Blog

It's Just Snow, People!

Oh no! Call in the National Guard! A few inches of snow have accumulated...in fucking January! Who could have ever seen this coming? Let's all freak out, buy up all the bread and toilet paper in stock at the stores -- since we seem to be on the verge of shitting ourselves anyway -- and sit at home clutching our pearls.

Or we could all just put on our collective big-girl panties and, y'know, deal with it.

Taking I-64/US 40 in to the office this morning, Unreal was greeted with this message from one of those big blinky LED signs: "Extreme weather. Limit travel." Extreme weather? Fuck you. Was it raining toads? That's extreme weather. Snow in midwinter is NOT extreme. Not even seven big inches.

In south city, some side streets had obviously not been
touched by salt or a plow. At 9:30 this morning! It's been snowing since
yesterday evening, dudes. Get on that shit.

But it's not just the official response that's been idiotic. No, dear drivers, you're behaving moronically as well, oh ho ho.

You
know how you have to scrape the snow off the windshield in order to see
out of it? You are not actually finished de-snowing your car just
because you can see out of it. That big meringue topping of snow that
you were just too cold and tuckered-out to brush off the top of your car
is going to fly off into someone's windshield at some point. And they
will probably start crying and jam on their brakes and fishtail into
another lane. Finish the goddamn job.

Quick quiz: You see a road
sign at an intersection. It's a red octagon with a mysterious English
word on it. What should you do? Should you just creep through the snowy
dangerous intersection, making a fake-apologetic "whaddya-gonna-do" face
as you get a middle finger from Unreal who somehow managed to apply her
brakes properly? NO YOU SHOULD NOT.

Finally, on the topic of
hazard lights: Sure, they have a place. If you're too terrified to go
anywhere near the speed limit, Unreal will forgive you (and mock you,
but that's neither here nor there) for displaying them as you creep and
weep along the highway. However, they are not "I'm gonna do whatever the
fuck I want" lights. Blinkers do not entitle you to just sort of generally
drive anywhere you see fit on a multi-lane highway.

Everybody just chill the fuck out. Seriously. We'll all be bitching about the summer heat before you know it.