step children not getting along???

Sabina - posted on 06/22/2009
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my boys are 9 and 7. my finance's girls are 8 and 4. my 7 yr old plays very well with them. my 9 yr old cant stand the girls, he had been used to being with just me and his brother. how do i deal with him always snapping at them and them fighting???

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Molly - posted on 06/22/2009

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My step daughter is 18 and my daughter is almost 15. My husband and I have been together for 5 years, and while the 2 boys (16 and 17) get along just fine, the girls still HATE each other! We have had a lot of family meetings about it, but have come to realize that they are just really different and resent having to share their respective parents/house with each other. We give them each enough space that they do not have to spend too much time together, but insist that they are polite and civil to each other when we are all together, such as meal times. They have gotten to the point where they have a kind of truce... they don't really talk to each other, but they don't fight any more. They peacefully coexist, somewhat ignoring each other. We realize that they did not choose to be thrown into the same family and we can not force them to like each other, but we CAN expect them to be civil. It helps sometimes to acknowledge that it is ok to not particularly like the new step sibling, as long as they are polite. They may grow to like each other more as they spend more time together.

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Andrea - posted on 06/22/2009

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My stepson is kinda that way with my daughter. He's 7 and she's almost a year and a half. He is only with us in the summer so the first few weeks have been hard but he's getting much better. His dad sat down with him and talked to him about how important he is in her life. How he's her older brother and he's the only one that she has. He is starting to play with her a little more and take more of an interest in her each day. Even though we want them to get along, we still make sure to make time to do something with him one on one.

I hope things start looking better for you. I'm sure your son just needs a little time. Good luck!