Metal wake-up service

Good morning. It’s 8 in the morning, where I’m at. I don’t know where you’re at, how could I but it must be morning somewhere else aswell. And if it’s not morning, where you’re at, at the moment, maybe it’s in the middle of the night and when you wake up, you find this shit attempt of an article and wonder just what the fuck that idiot wrote there.

So anyhow, I decided not to go to sleep a couple of hours ago because I don’t have to work until Wednesday so here I am, waiting for the supermarket next door to open, so I can buy a couple of cans of Red Bull. Or any other energy drink for that matter. And is there a better way to keep yourself awake than listening to some of the heaviest shit you got in your iTunes playlist? No. So I wondered, just what is the heaviest shit I got in my playlist?

Make the jump for the heaviest Metal I got to offer, all in alphabetical order or, as I’d like to call it, the Monday Morning Metal list.

Asesino

I love Asesino, I even prefer them over Brujeria. That’s right. Tony Campos (former Static-X bassist) is a hell of a vocalist. I never expected that and Dino Cazares is just damn good, whether he’s fat or not. Well, there’s not really a ‘whether,’ because, let’s face it, he’s damn fat.

Brujeria

I mentioned Asesino, so I have to mention Brujeria but there’s not much I can write about them because I barely know anything about them. Dino played for them and I got three albums of them in my playlist. That’s all I know about them.

Common Grave

Common Grave are a pretty mean Brutal Death Metal outfit from Germany. Their album ‘Embedded Coding’ (hello YouTube!) rapes. Yeah, I just used ‘rape’ as an equivalent for being good.

Excrementory Grindfuckers

Yeah, I just put it in for the lulz. I’m tired, fuck you.

The Faceless

What kind of Death Metal is this exactly? Future Death? Back to the future Death? Who knows, all I know is, it rapes (there, I did it again).

Hate Eternal

Hate Eternal own, everybody knows that. The main complaint I have, mainly about their latest offering, is the production. I mean, the frontman of this band produced two of the cleanest and thickest Cannibal Corpse albums of their career and he goes on, records his own album and produces it like shit. Come on, man.

Jack Slater

I love this band. Every album, front to back. Germany’s finest Death Metal and, tell me, isn’t the riff that kicks in at 1:34 just tasty as fuck? By the way, you got to turn your speakers up for this one. Shitty YouTube version.

Kataklysm

Kataklysm aren’t really heavy heavy but damn, I just fucking love their mid-career output. ‘Shadows & Dust’ is still one of my favorite Death Metal albums of all time.

Krisiun

Krisiun fucking slay (the song is called ‘Slaying Steel,’ get it? Oh hahaha, I crack myself up).

Mortician

Mortician is dumb Brutal Death/Deathgrind but I fucking love these guys. I remember reading a story about them playing a gig in Poland and singer/bassist Will Rahmer, all drugged up, kidnapped a taxi, forced the cabdriver out of the car with a knife and just drove off, hoping to get to Berlin, Germany to fly back to the States. At the border, he left the cab and made a run through a forrest to escape police. He was captured shortly after that and spent some time in jail. Sounds like a fun guy to have around.

So there you go, some heavy shit to start your week. I sure as hell am awake now.