Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Rocket Dance Day!

Tonight is the big dance on your rocketship. You're going to go with Captain Landry but you really wish you were going with the humanoid who is programmed to provide sexual simulations (basically sex but to not make it sound like you all rape robots, they call it simulations) upon request, but you were too shy to ask it to go with you. Lieutenant Grace is going with the humanoid instead.

At the dance Lieutenant Grace is going to order the humanoid to strip and dance lasciviously for everyone. The humanoid will comply and while everyone will cheer it on, you'll feel like something terrible is happening. You'll wonder if a human race that can treat it's humanoid friends in such a manner is really worth spit. Even though you know it's unpopular and you'll only get ragged on by the other astronauts, you'll run into the circle to cover up the humanoid with your jacket and protect the humanoid's honor. Unfortunately, the humanoid will interpret this act of chivalry as nothing more than your effort to thwart it from carrying out an order given by a military officer, basically an act of aggression, and the humanoid will tear you in two at the waist. The other astronauts will open fire on the humanoid, but the other humanoids will come to their fellow humanoid's defense. When all of the astronauts are dead, your rocket ship will be the first to be piloted by humanoids in the great Humanoid Against Real Human war that will lead to the end of the human race by next March.

Once all humans are dead the humanoids will direct their humanoid scientists to learn how to make humans. They'll eventually succeed and these wars will just keep happening on and on because it's what you do when you have opposable thumbs on planet earth. You try to make something that can destroy you.