Wednesday, December 31, 2014

When I
originally wrote
out my 2014 goals in the beginning of June 2014, I had no idea how LIFE
would affect my big plans.Here’s a
refresher:

My Goals for Bat Fit 2014:

By January 2014, I will lose the weight that I have
gained since beginning my job in 2006. My goal is to lose 25 pounds by the
end of the year. (( FOLLOW UP: Well, I lost ten lbs. and then I gained the
weight back so I’m no heavier than I was when I originally started this
but there have been a few changes. When I took a
mini-vacation in July, I shared that it was the first time that I could
remember wearing a tank top in public. I have been self-conscious of my
arms as long as I can remember. When I joined Professor Z’s Bat fit
and read her post which addresses
fat shaming (along with a few other posts in the Facebook group), I
started to realize that no one cares about my arms except me. It was a HOT
day and my outfit was super cute so why did I really need a shrug to cover
up my arms. They aren’t hideous. Small children do not flee when they see
them. And of course, my fella only noticed that I was wearing something
different. He thought I looked pretty, and I liked my outfit. Actually I
felt strong! Something about wearing the tank top made me feel tough and
confident. It was the weirdest feeling and the best surprise. Since this
time, my fella has noted that whenever I am wearing a tank top, folks best
get out of my way because my feisty side comes out. No complaints there.
AND, since I wasn’t liking how my clothes fit and I needed new clothes anyway,
I went ahead and bought them… a size larger *shrug*.When wearing clothes that actually fit,
I look better and feel better about myself. If I end up losing the weight,
I’ll donate the clothes and buy more. ))

I will practice portion control. I’ll pull out my old
Weight Watcher At Home books and follow them. One of the helpful features
of this is that I will be tracking what I consume. I’m an emotional eater
so sometimes a bite here and there doesn’t seem like a big deal but it
adds up. I need to stop skipping breakfast and I’m oddly intrigued by the
idea of eating soup for breakfast. ((FOLLOW UP: I pulled it out and then
put it away. There was a great deal of stress around my fella’s burst
pipes and us changing our wedding date so I figured why stress myself even
more. I did, however, try out soup for breakfast and it was a hit!))

Now that I will be giving cemetery tours, I will be
walking much more regularly. I’ll also be able to commit to daily walks
this since I will be on sabbatical until January and do not have the
extreme commute hanging over my head. ((FOLLOW UP: I have certainly walked
MORE but I haven’t made a daily routine out of walking. I walked a little
over 4 miles just before writing this post and I walked 4 miles yesterday.
I started giving walking tours which are about 2 miles. Overall, I enjoy
walking. It’s my moving meditation in many ways. I’m going to be honest
with myself. It’s going to be hard in the New Year because I go back to
work which means I leave the house around 5:30am and arrive home around
7ish. I’m be commuting both ways in the dark. My big goal for 2015 is to
make sure that I get enough sleep. Since bedtime is around 9pm at the
latest, I’m pretty sure I won’t be walking much on commuting days. I will
on the weekends and during my research day working from home. That means
that I will try to find one evening where I can at least walk before
bed.))

I will keep my personal journal. ((Yeah, that just didn’t
happen))

I will limit my alcohol consumption. I’ve gotten into
the habit of having mixed drinks almost nightly and that just isn’t a good
health practice. ((I still drink but certainly not nightly. I realized
that this wasn’t as much of an issue as I worried it might be. I don’t get
addicted to things… even good things… very easily and have a difficult
time forming habits. In moderation.))

Update:

My
sabbatical went really well. I have about a 200-page draft that will be
submitted as a draft to a publisher next week. It’s a research type of book
based on the work that I’ve continued since my originally dissertation research
was published in 2007.

I got
married and everything *sigh of relief* seems to have fallen/ been put into
place. There are still the struggles and negotiations of living with someone
(and his cat :p ) but overall we’re all getting along just find.

In October I posted about books
as our guides and discussed my experience with Sarah Ban Breathnach’s Simple
Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and
Joy (1995). The October 9th passage really resonates with me so
I’ve decided to use the list with a bit of commentary as my guide for Bat Fit
2015.

“Is there a woman alive who
doesn't suffer from stress? If there is, seek her out, ask her to share her
wisdom. When you find her, I'd be willing to bet she'll offer the following
suggestions”:

For
every "yes", let there be a "no".**!!! This is an
ongoing practice**

Don't
worry; be happy.

Remember,
happiness is a living emotion.

Exchange
security for serenity.

Care for
your soul.

Cherish
your dreams.

Express love
every day. **yep**

Search
for your authentic self until you find her. **Here she is!**

Other
things to consider:

I
also joined a Horror Book club in the area to cultivate some friendships and to
nourish that book lover camaraderie need.

I
used to attend weekly Mass with my dad until I moved further away. I’d like to
return to this even if weekly attendance isn’t possible. I’m still reflecting
on this—is it for him? Is this for me? Is this for both of us?

Monday, December 29, 2014

You see, my townhouse doesn’t exactly get the sun or
the lack-of-sun to grow some of the types of flowers and plants in my yard
*and* of course I have to abide by the rules of the HOA (insert eye roll
because I’m now on the board after receiving a nastigram about the Pom-Pom aka
Chinese juniper shrub appearing too
whimsical when it was planted in my side yard. Yeah, yeah, yeah... it does actually look better in my backyard but I won't admit that to them.) Part of the front yard doesn’t receive any sun so a purple shamrock
can grow there but that’s about it. I would love to have a Black Parrot tulip,
Black Hollycock, Hyacinth Dark Dimension, or even those Black Magic elephant
ears which I tried to grow from bulbs but they didn’t even sprout :-/ but I don’t have any of them… and
I’m okay with that. Isn’t that why I have a Secret Garden Pinterest
board?

Pom Pom HOA trouble maker

I actually love flowers
and plants that are a variety of colors, not just black ones. I’m somewhat
obsessed with my perennial
hibiscus (especially the red ones) but it was the bromeliad
who saved me. (I’m an English
professor and I know it should be *that* and not *who* but I personify my
little friends).

I bought the bromeliad
because she was strange. At that time I had no idea that something so
beautiful, a blooming bromeliad flower, indicated that she was dying. This was
when my garden was in pots on a balcony and I was very much trying to get back
to the girl I was. She had to be somewhere! But just like the bromeliad which
sprouts a pup, my 15-yr-old inner goth girl resurrected small. Once she began
to resurface, I could save myself; and, I did.

a resilient pumpkin

I follow the definition of *gardener* simply as “a
person who tends and cultivates a garden as a pastime or for a living”. That’s
a Google definition by the way and at best I’m an amateur gardener. I don’t even remember the names of some of the
plants and flowers in my back, side, or front gardens… and I’m okay with that.
I talk to them anyway. I cheer their growth. I thank Mother Nature for their
arrival. I mourn when winter takes them away.

My nails are shit and it is all my fault. I love
getting my hands dirty. I love working with my hands. I forget to wear gloves.
I was actually blessed with beautifully long nail beds and that’s the only
reason I can have the shortest of short nails that still look nice… when I try.
(I don’t try very often.)

upcycled yard art, a whirligig, and a Chinese fringe flower... yeah, I know some of their names

All of this was meant to be a metaphor… gardening
was used as a metaphor for living. I was tending my spirit; I was weathering
the seasons; I was in need of some serious fertilizer which thankfully I have
been receiving through (goth)living well… and through the connections I've made from
this blog. Thank you to all who read this blog. My little black heart just grew two sizes larger (um, uh, yeah you know what I mean.)

All of that being said I was going to write that my
current backyard garden looks a little dreary. It’s a rainy December day and much of the plant life isn't so attractive. But
really my garden isn’t dreary at all. There are little bits of life on some of
those shrubs (even berries!). I still have yard art and whirligigs. The garden is going through the seasonal cycle so that it can resurrect in a few months. At points in life, we all have to go within so that we can regenerate and renew. Sometimes we even look a little rough around the edges. (Aside: plug for Bat Fit!) In many ways as my sabbatical is coming to an end, I'm starting to see the work that I've put forth... I'm seeing tiny sprouts of life in my research. During the sabbatical, I started this blog as a way to reconnect with myself and the subculture. I can see growth from this as well.

Friday, December 26, 2014

It’s much too early to talk about Candlemas… or is it? Apparently, Christmas Day is over and everything returns to *normal* (or Normal Time as the Church calls it). Christmas music goes away; trees come down. My fella recounts how his family had their Christmas decorations taken down before Christmas day even ended. He was playing with his toys under the tree while watching Christmas being taken down. GASP! This is the START of Christmas! It is only beginning! And while the commercialism ceases, the festivities can begin.

For decades, I’ve embraced an old Polish tradition, one that even my family didn’t follow. My Christmas decorations remain up until February 2nd or until Candlemas… which I often have to explain to folks is the day most folks in this country acknowledge as Groundhog’s Day.

Cookies from a past Candlemas Brunch

Candlemas is the midpoint of winter, halfway between the December solstice and the March equinox. Candlemas activities most likely derive from Imbolc, a Gaelic festival, or the Roman feast of Lupercalia. February 2nd marked the ‘Feast of Lights’. It was the hope and welcome for the return of spring and for the sun to return.

It was thought that the weather on Candlemas Day, just as we look to today’s Punxsutawney Phil to predict the weather for the remaining winter. If the weather is bright and sunny, the rest of winter will be bleak. If the weather is stormy and wet, the worst of the winter weather is over.

If Candlemas be fair and bright,
Come, Winter, have another flight;
If Candlemas brings clouds and rain,
Go Winter, and come not again.

Cookies from a past Candlemas Brunch

From an old Catholic perspective especially during the Middle Ages, it was the day that parishioners would bring their candles to the church to be blessed by the priest to ward off any evil spirits. If you’ve ever attended any type of candle lighting ceremony in the darkest of winter you’ll know how powerful this must have been especially in one of those medieval churches.

Candles were sources of light and they were also thought to offer protection against illness and even plague. One superstition believed by the Romans was that on winter nights a lit candle would frighten away evil spirits. Before electric lights, candles were extremely important. Metaphorically the candle is the light of Jesus. Christians considered the world dark and lost until the light of the world was born.

Yet, another source of brightness connected with the day is Candlemas Bells or Snowdrops. The Latin name is Galanthus, which means "milk flower".

The Legend of the SnowdropAccording to legend, the flower became the symbol of hope when Adam and Eve were cast out of Eden. Eve was about to give up hope that winter would cease to end when an angel appeared. She angel transformed snowflakes into Snowdrop flowers showing that the winter will return to spring.

According to Christian belief, these flowers symbolize hope while others consider snowdrops to be a symbol of Christ bringing hope to the world. Garden Snowdrops are known for their early arrival. They can show up weeks before crocuses, and will even often poke through snow. In the South, Snowdrops may even bloom all winter long.

It has been considered unlucky to bring Snowdrops into the home before Candlemas; yet, some people think that they help purify a home.

Come in for comely ornaments
To re-adorn the house.
Thus times do shift; each thing his turn does hold;
New things succeed, as former things grow old.

Of course, all of this is difficult to take in when the weather high today is 53ºF/ 12ºC and tomorrow it is predicted to be nearly 60ºF/ 15ºC. Virginia winters usually arrive late. Fingers crossed for no harsh winter weather which lead to frozen pipes in 2015.

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

'Cause it's r-s-v-p
No thanks, no party lights
It's Christmas Eve, gonna relax
Turned down all of my invites.

……

In a quiet way, unwind
Doing Christmas right this time.

The Waitresses’ “Christmas Wrapping”
lyrics pretty much sets the tone for this Christmas.

Normally I would be getting dress to
head to Mass with my dad but this year my new husband really wanted to have Christmas
be about us. And, since he's been right on so many other suggestions, this will
be the first Christmas where I haven't seen my folks on Christmas Day. Even
when I lived 524 miles from them, I made it home for the holidays! I'm a
believer in The Color Purple version
of church and God so being a Catholic who has decided not to attend Mass this
Christmas Eve isn’t a big deal to me. Being a daughter not attend Christmas Eve
Mass with Dad is much more of a big deal… but then I think he understands.

“...have
you ever found God in church? I never did. I just found a bunch of folks hoping
for him to show. Any God I ever felt in church I brought in with me. And I
think all the other folks did too. They come to church to share God, not find
God.” ~Alice Walker, The Color Purple

We did our Christmasing with my
fella's family on Monday and then our Christmasing with my folks yesterday.I have my own tradition of giving her a
fruitcake which she loves. I’m usually not a fan until I discovered the Harry
and David’s fruitcake confection. This year it completely slipped my mind and
when I went to overnight one, they were sold out. Williamsburg, VA was the
closest store so on Monday morning at 8am, I did a 40 minute drive there and
then back just so that I would have the perfect fruitcake. Even when we don’t
want the holidays to be hectic, we make them so just to meet the expectations
that we set for ourselves sigh. She was happy so that was what mattered.

My mom is the best gift giver! She
has always completely *gotten* me when it comes to little presents, and I have
no idea where she finds the silliest things like bat glow-in-the-dark gloves
and Skull soap-on-a-rope.

Christmasing for just us has meant
Christmas cookies, wearing our Christmas pajamas, and spending time together.
Yesterday I baked Pumpkin, Raisin and Ginger Cookies. They're not
fancy but they're one of the best cookies I've ever made. Today we went
out to support some of our local stores. He’s a gamer so we went into the local
game shop. I bought supplies to make a Christmas spider. Tonight we’ll probably
watch a Christmas movie and I’ll make a craft. Tomorrow we have a lobster
dinner planned (since I’ve been a vegetarian since 1993 and just started eating
seafood a few years ago). That’s really how we like to celebrate. Fancy plans
are all around us but we’re feeling lucky to have found each other… and we’re
just trying to do Christmas right for us this time.