Real News

You’ll see none of these stories mentioned in the Mainstream Media. You have to come here to see this kind of Truth.

Update:

The former First Lady was verified as ‘beached’ by USCG spotters and our initial report was filed on the basis of the Coast Guard advisory. However on closer examination of the wire photos and interviews with local witnesses, we now realize she was actually grubbing the beach for mollusks, shellfish and possibly choice cuts of Wagyu beef. She had merely come ashore to feed and was later observed waddling back into the ocean where she breached once – to air blow a sharply loud and obnoxiously pungent/acrid methane bomb (as per local accounts, all eyes downwind were watering, just prior to the waves of vomiting) – and swam contentedly away. There were a few dead fish observed floating in her wake and locals claim a flock of seagulls that flew through the methane cloud all fell from the sky into the surf, shortly after exiting the gaseous airspace.

That’s a week’s worth o’ yucks right there! Takes some studying to get the finer points. “Isle of Mahuha.” !! “…but will be okay.” I don’t think so. Once a beached horror always a beached horror, as they say.