An elderly woman goes to the doctor.
She says, "Doc, I'm undergoing through a terrible mental trauma - I pass gas all the time!!!
Fortunately, it's odorless and silent, otherwise I'd be mortified. For example, I've passed gas
ten times just since we've been talking, but it's odorless and silent so you can't tell."

The doctor gives her some green pills and tells her to take one a day and come back in a week.

The woman comes back after taking the pills for a week.
She says, "Doc, there's been a change but not for the better. I still pass gas all the time, but while it's still silent, now it smells terrible!"

A man died and went to Heaven.
As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asked, "What are all those clocks for?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone who has ever been on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock move."
"Oh", said the man. "Whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's", replied St. Peter.
"The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"Incredible", said the man.
"And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock.
The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire life."
"Where's Donald Trump's clock?" asked the man.
St. Peter replied, up there, "We're using it as a ceiling fan.