We were discussing Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings adaptations, and arguing the relative merits of the Extended Editions versus the Theatrical Releases. (Leah prefers Extended, Emily prefers Theatrical. We’re both correct.) Emily pointed out that there should have been a DVD extra of Bombadil material, and then, naturally, that led to a dreamcasting of Bombadil. We gave ourselves a few restrictions—these had to be people who would have fit the role in 1999/2000, when they would have been hired for The Fellowship of the Ring, and all of the actors have been cast on the assumption that supermodel Claudia Schiffer is playing Goldberry…

So, hey! Come derry dol! Hop along, my hearties! Hobbits! Ponies all! Tor.com readers! We are fond of parties. Now let the fun begin! Let us sing together… or at least take a look at our picks, and tell us yours in the comments.

John Hurt

Leah: But only if he wore this exact mustache.

Emily: The fact that John Hurt wasn’t in the Lord of the Rings Trilogy is just plain weird in the first place. So this would be a pretty great place to make up for that mishap.

Anthony Stewart Head

Leah: He didn’t get to do pure whimsy often enough on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Plus the man looks great in a pointy hat.

Emily: He was “good dad figure” on Buffy and “bad dad figure” on Merlin. Let’s watch him play “super high uncle”!

Sting

He’s glowing because Orcs are near.

Leah: Just imagine this fucker with a lute singing all of the Tom Bombadil’s songs.

Emily: I wonder if they would all end up sounding like “Desert Rose.” (Leah and I discovered that we both un-ironically love that song while writing this. We’re going to weave some amazing friendship bracelets over that.)

Bob Hoskins

Leah: OK, we know, this one is sad. But Hoskins could have added some real weight to the role, an undercurrent that lets you know just how ancient Old Tom actually is.

Emily: He’s also got that instant-lovability factor.

Robin Williams

Leah: OK, we know, this is also sad. But imagine what Williams could have done with the role if Jackson had reigned him in just a little.

Emily: Yeah, if you prevent him from riffing too much, it wouldn’t be quite so obvious that you were watching Robin Williams first and foremost, and he has the right kind of impishness.