Lifestyle reporter

In some instances I'm a 16-year-old girl stuck in a 20-somethings body – I prefer crop tops to Chantilly lace bustiers and buying condoms still makes me blush, however on the flip-side one aspect of my personality has certain mature aged qualities about it – I'm reading more books than ever before and I rarely drink anymore.

Some days I feel like Hillary Clinton ready to take on the world (minus the scrunchie) while others I'm like Molly Ringwald in her John Hughes days, absentmindedly using hairspray as a deodorant and affixing my top knot with Rexona.

Some days I feel like Hillary Clinton ready to take on the world (minus the scrunchie) while others I'm like Molly Ringwald absentmindedly using hairspray as a deodorant and affixing my top knot with Rexona.

This existential stocktake occurred recently when I was asked on several occasions by a number of relative strangers if I have kids – not "a kid" – but children. The plural hung heavy in the air like the lid had been lifted off of a 1971 bottle of Clinique's Aromatics Elixir. The question left me speechless because in my mind I've got more of a chance of being invited to tea with Princess Di than purchasing nappies, organising babysitters and pumping milk.

Molly Ringwald's character Sam Baker in Sixteen Candles was a classic example of a confused "woman child".

I can barely look after myself let along a fully-formed zygote, plus I swear like a drunken sailor and have accessories which would be dangerous when worn in close proximity to infants.

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I then read Anne-Maree Slaughter's story in The Atlantic titled "Why Women Still Can't Have It All", an essay that basically reiterated the debate which has been raging since Mary Magdalene juggled a "career" with being Jesus' BFF – women must choose between motherhood or the workplace as the two are like balsamic vinegar and olive oil.

It's this "have it all" phrase that irks me. My girlfriends and I don't want it "all" we just want to be happy with our lot, hence why we are always striving for new achievements and focusing on milestones – whether they be a new job, a holiday, improved fitness levels, a baby or a change in relationship status.

While the 16-year-old in me considers "it all" being an endless supply of Maggie Beer's burnt fig, honeycomb and caramel icecream and a television permanently tuned into HBO, close-to-30-me knows that "it all" should mean a balanced life featuring a successful career, happy family and healthy relationships.

However I think one of the reasons I've become a "woman child" (similar to a man child but with ovaries) is because I was raised by a woman who actually did have it all.

My mum worked full time when my brother and I were growing up. She invented the phrase "Just F..king Do It" long before Michelle Bridges attributed it to personal training. She travelled regularly, worked long hours and was heavily involved in community activities so our athletics carnivals and canteen duties at school weren't always possible. There were some nights when she wasn't there when I would fall asleep clutching a framed family photo and sob into my pillow however I would not have changed a thing.

If it weren't for both of my parent's busy schedules I would not have learned how to cook chicken and spaghetti (thanks Nanna), learned how to drive (thanks Nan) or understood the intricate rules of French cricket and how to cheat on crossword puzzles (thanks Pop).

However with my mum having it all while I was working my way through my formative years, the one thing that always stuck out to me was how lucky I was to have a loving home, a comfortable upbringing and an ambitious matriarch.

"There are people out there that are a lot worse off than you," was my childhood slogan and it's something I continue to tell myself when I'm having a Molly Ringwald sort of day.

Hopefully I grow up and out of my woman child phase before the crow's feet get too deep but if not all I can do is strive to be happy and healthy then perhaps "it all" that Ms Slaughter speaks of will fall into place.

Do you think there are a growing number of "women children" like me? These days what traits or achievements separate the girls from the women and the boys from the men? Do men have their own version of "having it all"?

39 comments so far

Love it Jenna.Do you ever think that because it was instilled in us 'you are independant', 'you can do whatever you want to do' by our mothers who battled their way through their formative years, that it's changed the way women live now in their early 20s? That by knowing we can do it on our own and that we probably deserve better than what we have (in relationships especially) that that's why there are so many single, childless 20-30 somethings these days (not that there is anything wrong with that at all)?

Commenter

ash

Location

P

Date and time

July 06, 2012, 10:21AM

I'm turning 40 soon and I'm still a 'woman-child'. No kids, no wedding ring, no mortgage, a good job but not a high-powered career. And I don't really want any of that stuff either. I like my life the way it is. It doesn't take much to make me happy.

Commenter

JEM

Location

Melbourne

Date and time

July 06, 2012, 10:32AM

Me too. Family, babies, ugh! We're lucky to live in a time and a country where people have the choice of whether they want those things, or not. For me, it's a definite NOT. Men have been able to make choice for longer, now we're able to make it too.

Commenter

ant

Location

Rural NSW

Date and time

July 06, 2012, 12:17PM

Yay for this comment. I'm a few years younger (mid-30s), but you are exactly where I would like to be, come 40. I'm almost certain that all those things (the wedding ring, mortgage, high-powered career) are, for me, not the things that would lead to happiness. But it's hard not to succumb to occasional moments of self-doubt.

Commenter

anakitty

Location

computer

Date and time

July 06, 2012, 3:24PM

Hate to rain on your parade, girls, but you'll have to pay a price for this. An ageing population, narrowing tax base, worker shortfall having to be made up by immigrants from unsavoury countries, social fault lines, strains on our hospitals, public transport, working into retirement age. The benefit: Cat breeding is a growth industry.

Commenter

Spike

Date and time

July 07, 2012, 9:15PM

Those factors will affect everyone, not just those of us who are unmarried and childfree. Regardless, I fully expect to pay my way later in life as I do now.

Also..."unsavoury countries"???

Commenter

JEM

Location

Melbourne

Date and time

July 09, 2012, 12:50PM

I'm 38 and also shirked womanhood, although I prefer to describe it as "living the life I want, not what everyone else thinks my life should be like to be deemed successful". I deliberately chose minimum wage jobs with little responsibility, I had no desire for climbing corporate career ladders and I like to sleep until noon. In October I am going to visit my partner in Croatia for two months with a romantic holiday to England for 12 days. Earlier this year we went to Paris. With my minimum wage job and therefore no mortgage/kids (and I live alone) I could save up my funds and travel to Croatia twice per year!

Commenter

Ms Anthropist

Location

CroatiaSoon

Date and time

July 06, 2012, 10:49AM

This is one of the worst columns Ive ever read - maybe forget about yourself once, and take a walk in the shoes of those who have nothing and write about that.

Commenter

RichieBenaud

Date and time

July 06, 2012, 10:59AM

Agreed. It's a column to somehow condone the writer's inability to grow up. We all like to think we feel young-at-heart, but being young-at-heart is very different to admitting to "barely able to take care of myself...".Btw... making babies doesn't automatically equal mature adult.

Commenter

sdc

Date and time

July 06, 2012, 12:01PM

Um, I'd rather read this column, thanks, which chimes with my experience, rather than read something by someone who has nothing.