Sunday, June 11, 2017

Stop Stereotyping Military Wives

I'm a military spouse who has been blogging for many years now. I have a lot of friends who write military blogs, and I always enjoy reading their posts. But there are some groups and bloggers out there who seem to enjoy mocking military spouses. They have pages dedicated to putting them down, and I seriously do not get it.

I've noticed there seems to be a bunch of stereotypes about military wives, and I wanted to clear them up. Not that I think any of you believe them, but you know, just in case.

1. The Stereotype: All wives are walking around with Coach and Michael Kors purses hanging from their arms, purchased by their husbands or behind their husband's back.

Newsflash: My purse came from Target. It was on clearance. Some women do enjoy Coach and Michael Kors products, but guess what? Many of them bought the bag with their money.

2. The Stereotype: Military wives constantly pressure other wives to buy their stuff.

Newsflash: Not all wives sell stuff. I don't. Many of the wives that do are respectful and I don't mind buying their products. I have encountered some pushy ones, and I've directed them to my blog post on how to get people to buy from their direct sales business. But most are friendly, respectful, and professional.

3. The Stereotype: Military wives don't work. They sit around all day stuffing their faces. It's why they're so fat.

Newsflash: I do stay at home, but I earn money with my writing. I don't stuff my face all day--only for about an hour or so, because I do enjoy Little Debbie snacks. But I exercise. Military wives come in all shapes and sizes, and that's perfectly fine. What's it to you anyway?

4. The Stereotype: As soon as the husband deploys, military wives are hooking up with someone else.

Newsflash: My husband has deployed multiple times, and he's gone to Korea for a year. I didn't cheat. I had two children at home and quite frankly, I'd have been too exhausted to cheat. Where do these ladies find the time? If you watch Teen Mom, do not look at Kailyn as a model military spouse because she sucked. She did cheat on her husband. But I promise, many wives are loyal.

5. The Stereotype: Military wives pop out a new baby every year.

Newsflash: My kids are five years apart. I did it for my sanity. The military wives with lots of kids have a different kind of sanity than I do. They're not walking around asking you for money, so how is it your business? Some people want a big family. Some people don't.

6. The Stereotype: Ooo Tricare! Women just marry military guys for the insurance.

Newsflash: Tricare isn't that great. Yeah it's better than most insurance plans, but seriously, the care at base hospitals isn't that amazing. It can take ages to even get an appointment. When you arrive, you're usually waiting well past your appointment. Equipment can sometimes appear to be ancient. So no. Trust me. We aren't lusting over Tricare.

7. The Stereotype: Those dang military wives are wasting my tax dollars! Everyone is on WIC!

Newsflash: WIC is there to help. I was on WIC when I was first married. We had very little money and I wasn't ashamed to accept the help. However, after a few years, I stopped because I felt if we could afford to go out to eat, we could afford to get our own cheese and milk. I also give back to my community as a thank you for the help they gave us. But guess what? Not everyone is on WIC.

8. The Stereotype: All military wives do is shop all day and put their family in debt. Then they're whining about not being able to pay the bills.

Newsflash: Um, no. I've always been financially responsible. For the longest time we had those flip cell phones. We had a 32 inch TV. Our cars were old. I always use coupons and buy items when they are on sale. I know what we can afford. Yes, there are some families who ARE in debt, but it's not a huge amount. Many of the military members who are in debt are young airmen.

For all the years I've been a military spouse, I've encountered mostly kind women. Yes, you get your bad eggs, but most of us are simply trying to do what is best for our families. We're waiting for our husbands to come home from deployments. We have our own jobs. Our own lives.

59 comments:

I've always admired military wives. It is very hard to raise a child by yourself while your husband is away. Not to mention the stress of always worrying for your spouses safety. So those people who stereotype and even go out of their way to make a group just to bash other people are really messed up and need to get a life.

People love to make stereotypes to feel better about themselves. I wouldn't have thought any of these things of any military spouses, it is tough for any spouse to be supportive of a role that takes their significant other away from home often and requiring regularly relocating. It also makes it challenging for the other one to carry long term employment, doesn't make one lazy. Way to stand up for yourself and others!

I don't work and sit on my ass all day stuffing my face with bonbons or frolicking on the beach. I call this "life sabbatical." Haha and I effing earned it after 10 years dealing with divorce clients!! There are stereotypes everywhere.....like all lawyers are assholes. And they ARE. Hahahahaha.

Stereotypes are just so stupid. I am a stay at home mom so I get a lot of stereotypes. Such as I am lazy, get to watch tv all day, get to sleep in(i wish), and just spend all my husband's money (I do on bills smh).

I respect Military wives so much! Sometimes there are days of togetherness & yes some favours (very genuine ones) but I see that most of the time they have to handle things single handedly..babies, chores, work.. Its really a hard thing..

To be honest, I don't know many 'military wives' as such and so I didn't even realise that there were so many stereotypes around them. Stereotypes suck in general, so good on your for clearing those up. Some of them are quite funny actually, and shows how narrow-minded some people are.

LOVE your purse! I spent 6 years as a military wife and in those 6 years we avoided debt...we didn't even own a TV! I think the "dependapotamos" stereotype is the one that got to me the most. I never once met a military wife that just sat on the couch all day watching TV and stuffing their face with food while taking advantage of their husband's pay and benefits. So what if there are spouses out there that do that? It's not our place to judge them and how they choose to spend their lives. Great post!

I think you should all walk around with whatever kind of purse you want. If I had a Hermes bag, I'd rock it like a boss (that's my dream purse). I may be living under a rock, but I've never heard anything bad about military wives. I've always admired and respected all branches of our military and especially military wives.

I haven't heard about these stereotypes until I moved to an area with a large navy base last year. Now I hear it. People need to stop judging. Military wives and families go through so much. It's not easy.

Oh my goodness! I didn't know about any of these stereotypes for military wives. It's terrible that a group of unsavory people would be spreading such falsehoods about military wives. Please ignore them. Military families are the backbone of this country and should be honored.

This is such a great post, I have to admit I don't think I've heard of any of those stereotypes around military wives (but then I am in the UK) but good on you for getting the truth out - it is sad we automatically think things about people.

This is discouraging to read. Thank you for sharing and for your husband's service!

It seems society took a lot of negative connotations, rolled them into a ball, and applied it to military wives, for whatever reason. I never had any idea that these stigmas even existed, and I'm sorry you need to push against it. However, thank you for sharing your story and bringing up these conversations, which I'm sure will open eyes. Good luck!

To be 100% honest, I had never had any of these thoughts about military wives. The only thing i might I thought was how hard it would be to know that your husband is deployed somewhere dangerous. But nothing else. I can't understand why people have such stereotypes. xx corinne

I love this post! Honestly we as a society should stop stereotyping EVERYONE! It's 2017, enough is enough. Both of my parents were in the Navy (although they separated when I was three so I was only raised by my mom) and when I was a baby we lived on military bases and people often assumed that most of the military wives didn't work but that wasn't the case at all.

I totally get it! Stereotypes are awful and serve no purpose no matter what. My experience is a bit different than yours. I listen to heavy metal. People tend to think a certain way when they find out and place me in a certain category. I get the "you dont look like a metalhead" a lot .... :)

I'd never heard any of these stereotypes before and I'm shocked by how judgmental some people are! I've always thought a person would need a lot of strength to be a military spouse and I find that admirable.

So sad. And annoying. I chalk it up to people having nothing better to do with their lives than complain and make up stories about people so that they feel better.

The only Coach purses I own are the ones my Mother-In-Law buys for me to spoil me. I've held a steady job since I graduated from college. We have one kid. Cheating has never even been a thought. And sure I have a little winter weight hanging on, but that's just more of me to love ;)

As a Veteran Military wife, I have so much to say about all of these ridiculous stereotypes! In an attempt to keep it short, let me just say to the people who write those pages and put this nonsense out there: IF YOU HAVEN'T LIVED IT, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT. Military life was NOT easy! MONEY: Not sure where all the money stereotypes come in, because last time I checked, we were barely making it off the money my husband made- that's one reason why we needed the WIC. The fancy purses you see might have been gifts or presents for occasions, or those families 1) don't know how to manage money or 2) REALLY know how to manage money to be able to afford fancy purses. WORKING: Many work from home and when you're moving frequently, it's hard to have a long-standing career. The constant movement keeps you from advancing in your career and sometimes even being vested in your 401K. If you don't have a profession, most of the jobs that you CAN get aren't always worth the cost of daycare. KIDS: It's none of anyone's business who has how many kids. It's a personal choice, and there are plenty of non-military families with a lot of kids. TRICARE: I've had such horrible experiences with Tricare that I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Believe me, it's no perk. SELLING STUFF: What's wrong with trying to make money for your family? Direct sales is portable and can be done from home, so it's a good business for military wives. CHEATING: I've never cheated on my husband or even thought about it- especially while he was deployed and I was nervous for him and missed him to death. Military Wives don't need to be judged. We have enough going on as it is.

I must admit I came here on defense mode. Because there are a lot of military wives that stereotype other military wives. But you were spot on! Thank you for this post. Many do not understand what we go through. And some done even realize that not all of us are on Tricare and pay for our own insurance. And yes we have 4 kids, all spaced 4 years and non of them conceived in R&R. I could go on but you know so I'm good now lol

Thank you for speaking out. It annoys me that some people can be judgmental and stereotype military wives to be this and that. Some comments can be nasty, just don't mind them. These people who judge are just probably wasting their time away watching soaps.

Thank you for clearing the air. Honestly, stereotyping of any kind sucks and no, I'm not perfect, because I have caught myself doing it too. It needs to just go away though, because EVERYONE is different.

I had no idea that these stereotypes existed around Military Wives but that's awful! I have the greatest respect for you, honestly, I can imagine that it can't be easy and everyone is different anyway!

I agree in all of these. My husband is a Navy vet and although he is an expensive gift giver, I never wanted an expensive purse, for what, really.. Where in Korea did your husband stationed, we lived in Chinhae for 2 years.

Ha, I'm a Navy Vet, and my husband is the military spouse, and the stereotypes surrounding THAT makes me laugh like a loon! I'm certainly learning to really step back before I say something I shouldn't to those folks who spread the stereotypes. It's so draining!

I have quite a few friends who are military wives. I think the problem is people label them as military wives and not just wives. Women come in all shapes and sizes, and with all kinds of habits and baggage. If we label everyone by what their spouse does, it makes no sense. :)

I had no idea there where all of these stereotypes about military wives. I've always thought that it must be really hard to be a single parent when your husband deploys and I have always admired military wives as they are making such a sacrifice and supporting their husband who are defending our country. It's so sad that people would say any of these things about military wives. SMH!

The bad thing about stereotypes is that everyone gets tarnished with the same brush, which is clearly not right. Thing is, I had no idea what the stereotypes for military wives were until I started dating a Navy guy - until then I was blissfully unaware. And obviously now that I've interacted with many military wives, those stereotypes can suck it! You rock, girl!

Most the military wives carrying around "coach" and " Kate spade" or other name brand purses got them from their husband or got them on their own in Korea where they make those purse and they are like $10! I lived there and you could get any name brand for cheap.