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I just finished watching my guilty pleasure… “The bachelorette,” for the night, and I can truly say I wasn’t disappointed. It provided me with the entertainment of watching the drama, and classic, cheesy, cliché moves unfold. Though there were a few things that I particularly liked about this episode, that I haven’t seen in many other seasons of the show. Though kaitlyn has kissed nearly every guy on the show, almost all of these kisses have topped the past season’s kisses for the most adorable approach. One guy ended up having to go to the hospital (there was a boxing date… Enough said), but on his way back to the house, to rest, he asked if he could stop by where the group date was occurring, so he could see her for a few minutes. They were standing outside on the sidewalk, by the street, at night, and he was rambling. By the look in her eyes, you could tell she was hoping for him to kiss her. Though it wasn’t a super romantic set up for a first kiss to most, it was simple and perfect. But onto my favorite first kiss she’s had on the season… So on a different group date, all of the guys and her are hanging out, and this one guy takes her away (for short, I’ll call him Kentucky). He brings her to a cute little tucked away spot of the building. Then, without even saying a word, he brings his hand to her face, and pulls her in for a passionate kiss. This kiss wasn’t your typical first kiss… This was one that back in simpler times, she would have gone home and jumped on her bed squealing with joy about how amazing and intense it was. Now some of you may ask “how do you know she liked at much as you think?” Well I don’t know about you, but this is a pretty big sign that someone liked kissing you: the two of you part, and then they initiate another kiss seconds later, because they want more. There’s something about the bachelorette that always makes me want to kiss someone, so I decided I’m going to continue with this topic for the rest of the post.

Since I’ve already told you about my very first, first kiss, I’ve decided that instead of talking about first kisses I have had, I’ll just describe a few scenarios that would be perfect for my future first kisses to come. Perhaps you could use one of these scenarios for your next first kiss.

1. This first scenario includes walking around just hanging out, and then some way or another, whether trigged by the guy trying to display his strength, or the girl challenging him to, he ends up picking her up. Now don’t get confused, I’m not talked about piggy back rides, or bridal style, I’m talking about when he picks you up, you wrap your legs around him, and he effortlessly cradles his hands below your butt to hold you up. There is also another variation, where instead of being modest about it, the guy places his hands directly on your butt (it depends on how forward he wants to be with it). In this position, your faces are so close, that the tension will possibly cause him to become aroused… That would make the position even better, honestly…. Then of course, the first kiss would unfold from there.

2. “Listen to this.” I don’t know why it’s never been done, but hopefully some day, someone will do this. One of you is listening to music and headphones while you’re hanging out with one another. The setting would most likely be a couch or bed… The one with the headphones in offers an earbud to the other, and they begin to listen to a really good song (most likely some form of mood music. The songs will differ for each individual couple). As they’re getting into the song, the begin to make eye contact, with the exception of when their eyes gaze down at each other’s lips. Both lean in, and begin to passionately kiss one another. The guy grabs the hips of the girl, and lifts her onto his lap, to straddle him. They make out in this position, while continuing to listen to the song.

At the moment, those are the two scenarios I would personally enjoy for a first kiss. If any of you have any ideas for a first kiss scenario, I’d love to hear them in the comments.

Apathy and despair. Such attractive qualities, right? These kinds of people dampen the room faster than a broken dam, and make you feel all kinds of wonderful negative feelings. You become bored from the silence that ensues while they silently sulk. You give up when you attempt to sooth their fragile, secret emotions by asking them what’s bothering them. They’ll never tell you what you did, or what’s going on with them, but they’ll sure as hell judge you for not being a mind reader and accommodating to them. They’re the life of the party when they’re happy, but the second their mood begins to drop, people better direct their attention to assisting them back to their manic happiness state. The best part is, sometimes it’s not even your fault, and they’re being a sulky turd just for the hell of it. You talk to the brick wall for a few moments, and then realize it’s no use. The tension of silence covers the room like a looming storm, ready to strike lightning at anyone who dares to disrupt with an honest comment on their ineffective coping method. Enough about these people though, let’s dig into the real problem here. Passive aggressive, judgmental, cowardly methods of dealing with situations. When a situation arises that causes you to feel upset, the worst thing to do, is to wallow in it. Sure it may get you a lot of attention and sympathy, but it doesn’t spur you to grow more as a person. When you are honest and upfront with others in a calm manner, you show far more poise and confidence within yourself, than you ever could by just playing the victim card. Your method may assist you in making others look bad because they’re not attentive to your needs, but that doesn’t build you up as a person, that just calls others to rescue you because you’re unable to cope with anything.

Timidity vs competence. Timidity is nearly as frustrating as the traits mentioned above. Such as questioning yourself, and lacking the intuition to make executive decisions on how you’ll approach a situation. This causes you to leech onto others, hoping they’ll guide you, and make the decisions for you. Yet again, this prevents personal growth. There is no effort made by the timid person to become more confident, and competent with their abilities and actions. To continue being timid would be robbing yourself of all of the opportunities life has to offer to strengthen yourself as an individual. Though it may not seem like it, there is slight timidity in the very first scenario I mentioned. But it translates into a more apathetic form of timidity.

Now a lot of you may be reading this, confused as to what direction these thoughts are leading, and how they arose in such a random fashion. There was no particular order for these traits, but there was one common theme that I’d like to conclude with. All of these traits belong to ineffective, negative, draining, insecure, and unhealthy people. Though it may appear that I’m stating the obvious, I don’t think many people are able to take notice of when the people they’re surrounded by are acting in such a way, when its occurring. What I hope you all get from this, is simply a bit of reflection of those around you. I’m not saying to drop them from your lives, because that’s a bad approach in itself, but I am going to say this: identify what kind of energy those close to you, are exuding. Though some may preach that if you’re centered yourself, you should be able to handle all energies, good and bad without them affecting you, I have to disagree. You have the ability to guard against these negative energies to an extent, but they’re surely not the energies you should be approving of. Don’t attempt to change the person, just enlighten them to how their negative outlook and vibe, affect you in an adverse manner. You can suggest a different approach to handling their emotions, so that they exude vibes that strengthen the relationship and cause you to both feel uplifted by the bond and interaction. Though in the end, it’s ultimately up to the person to change their ways to better themselves as an individual.

I’m very exhausted at the moment, but I don’t think I’ll be able to fall asleep anytime soon, due to my current thoughts. These thoughts go a little like this.Why do I have to crush on guys…. Why can’t I just turn that part of my mind off, and just allow them to crush on me, it would be so much simpler. There wouldn’t be the disappointment you feel when they don’t give you signals, or don’t seem to give any reciprocation of interest in getting to know you. I wouldn’t have to think about staying purely platonic around all guys, but the one I like. But alas, it’s not possible to shut these crush feelings off… They suck, but both genders are burdened with them. Although I’m beginning to question whether the crush feelings manifest the same way when it comes to each gender.

Do guys ever feel disappointed when their crush doesn’t text back? Or they’re not seeming to give any apparent signals?

Though I believe getting rid of a feeling as common as crushing is nearly impossible, I’m going to attempt to. I’m over it… It’s not fun. I’m not going to necessarily get rid of my crush, I’m just not going to actively put myself out there to be let down. I’ll still add to conversation, be witty, be friendly, be flirty, and all of that fun stuff, but I’m not going to put any expectations on any interaction with the person I like.

I’m going to keep doing what I do, and living life, and if along the way, that attracts them, great. If not, I’m not going to fret about it. I have my entire life to meet sexy guys that I vibe with, this just happens to be a part of my life where I’m kind of hung up on the thought of one in particular.

If it doesn’t lead to anything it won’t matter, he just won’t know what he missed. Yes it’s a cocky thing to say… But I honestly believe I make a pretty good girlfriend (That title for lack of a better word). I enjoy pleasing my partner, as much as I enjoy it when it’s reciprocated. I have a genuine interest in getting to know what comprises each person I get involved with. Who is this amazing individual—in mind, body, and spirit. I try my best to make them feel cherished and special, because they are special to me. These are simply the basics that come to mind at the moment, but my mind is too fogged to remember the rest.

Right now as I’m writing this, all I can focus on is an ideal. Particular names aren’t standing out to me, because I have yet to meet another person that fits my “ideal.” I’m laying on my bed and all I wish is that I had a sexy guy to come nuzzle into me, and take me away from my writing for some passionate kissing instead. As the kissing intensifies, maybe even trailing kisses down my neck, possibly stopping along the way to leave a mark to remind me “where I belong” (song reference).

Earlier today I reminisced of past infatuations and relationships. I thought about the reasons why I was drawn to these guys in the first place. I’m not sure if all of you have guessed yet, but lately I’ve found myself hit on by guys, but not interested, and then on the other hand I’ve found myself having an unrequited crush. When I got involved with all of my past boyfriends, the interest was always mutual instantly…

However, it did take them initiating things for me to notice them, but once I noticed them, I felt the same connection.

There is one particular thing that may or may not be related to this whole blog post, that I’d like to talk about. There is nothing sexier to me than when a guy senses my interest, and then actively shows interest (I reciprocate of course). This direct approach is a huge turn on, and it gives me the sense that this guy knows exactly what he wants, and he’s not going to sit around waiting for an in. Instead, he’s going to go for what he wants, at the first opportunity he gets.

Now many of you may all be thinking “yeah… that approach is basically screaming ‘he wants to have sex with you'”. That is slightly true, but I don’t think you ever meet someone who’s interested in you, that hasn’t at least thought of that possibility. I’ve met guys who were super passive in their approach, with the same amount of lust as the ones who were super direct. I don’t know about you, but I’d prefer the direct guy over the passive guy any day. When you’re direct, you appear more confident and interested, than if you were to take a passive approach to the situation.

At the moment I’m listening to music in my favorite setting- head phones in, music blasting, laying on my bed, typing this post on my phone. Recently I’ve found myself intrigued by the music of Abel Tesfaye. For those of you don’t know, he is the singer who goes by the name “the weeknd.” The first song I heard of his actually rubbed me the wrong way, but a few weeks ago, I heard another song of his that I liked a lot, and I decided to further investigate his music. Now his style is just the same in all of his songs as the first song I heard by him, but my outlook has changed. The messages in his songs are a little derogatory and misogynistic at first glance. Though I believe there is an underlying tone to his songs that hold some validity to them– then again, maybe I’m simply trying to find a reason to justify why they appeal to me. Though I don’t appreciate how he sings about sleeping around, and with multiple people at a time, I feel that his motives aren’t simply black or white. As many musicians probably experience, he’s faced with the prospect of encountering women who put him on a pedestal, or chase him for the status or money that comes along with him. In this situation, most could probably see how it would be difficult to truly connect with people, because it’s not very often that he’ll encounter someone who sees him for who he truly is- Abel tesfaye, the guy who skipped town one weekend, never looking back. He wasn’t raised in a perfect family- he earned his fame by being uniquely him, it wasn’t handed down to him, he wasn’t simply the son of people who had connections in the industry. He’s a complex character, and quite secretive on top of that. Though, he exposes little parts of himself, his personality, and his nature, in every single song. He doesn’t produce songs for the entire world to approve of. He creates them to express what he’s gone through, and what he’s going through.

But back to how he alludes to sleeping around with many women at a time. For all we know, he could be hung up on one girl, and since her, he’s been unable to connect with anyone in the same way. Maybe no one takes the time to truly get to know what comprises Abel tesfaye. I don’t know about you, but that would lead me to just sleep around for the rest of my life if I didn’t believe anyone cared to know who I was, or could even begin to compare to the love and connection I once felt for someone else.

I will say one thing though- even though his music is overtly sexual, and conveys an appeal of the forbidden, I actually enjoy that aspect of it. Like in his song “where you belong.” In this song, he basically tells this girl, it doesn’t matter who she’s with when he’s gone, because when he’s back in town, she belongs to him. There is a possessive tone the entire song that screams that she is all his. In general I would say that a loose grip on the one you love is the best approach (like how you wouldn’t want to grip to tightly on a handful of sand), but he approaches this differently. It’s not out of insecurity that he grips on tight. It’s more in a passionate, ownership, lustful kind of way. And though in some instances, ownership isn’t necessarily a positive thing to everyone, because autonomy and all of that, it’s in a different way. He doesn’t “own her” own her. It’s kind of like in the werewolf books. How they all have the one person that is their soulmate that they were destined for, and they say “mine” while gripping on tightly to their love. It’s ownership from a place of passion, not aggression or control.

I would say that “the weeknd” is an acquired taste for sure. He is dominant, overtly sexual, and uniquely himself, not bending for the approval of the masses.

The only complaint I would have is that he doesn’t do many interviews. Though that kind of adds an appeal to his whole persona. It challenges people to get to know who he is through his music, and not simply through random words he said in response to an interview question designed to trigger a controversial, or tabloid worthy answer.

Let me start off by letting you know that this topic isn’t based on a recent embarrassing experience of my own or anything. Tonight I went to a small event, and at this event, there was a guy who once had a small thing for me. While we were getting to know one another a few months back, he did something that he was embarrassed about. In the end I didn’t continue talking to him, cause at that point in time I wasn’t interested in a romantic relationship, like him and all of my perusers at the time. So now fast forwarding to tonight. As I was heading to the event, my sister’s boyfriend (who’s best friends with the guy) informed me that the guy still felt awkward about the small thing that happened months ago… I’m talking the start of last fall semester. It’s been at least 8 months I’d say? But the guy still remembers it clear as day. Before I was informed of this tonight, I had completely forgotten about it all together. The guy could have talked to me and I would have been friendly as usual, and I wouldn’t have remembered a thing. It all ended up being a non-event when I saw him, cause he basically was quiet and slightly awkward because he’s still holding onto that memory of embarrassment. Now I’d like you all to know, I don’t judge people at all for moments when they don’t act in a way that represents themselves. Whether their awkward moment results from voluntary or involuntary actions. I’ve embarrassed myself a fair amount of times, and I realize we all do dumb things. We all do things every once in a while, that we look back on and realize we don’t like what we did in that moment. It’s a part of being human, cause we’re not perfect, we make errors all of the time, and we just have to let those things go.

Now I didn’t write this post to highlight his embarrassment or awkwardness for the night. I’m writing this post to talk about choosing to forget our embarrassments. Like I said above, I’ve done my share of embarassing things, and they weren’t pleasant. The difference between me and this guy, is that I choose to pretend these embarrassing moments in my life never happened. Now some may say that I’m in denial, that I’m hiding a part of me, that I’m not true to myself if I act like it never happened. Though in some way those things may appear to be true, they’re all false. When you push a negative/ unpleasant memory into the shadows of your mind, you aren’t removing them, you’re just not dwelling on them. You don’t necessarily pretend that it was all just a dream, you just allow yourself to feel as though it was all a distant memory. The one point that is possibly the most false, would be that you’re not true to yourself when you push these memories into the shadows. These moments wouldn’t stick out to us in the first place, if we hadn’t believed we weren’t representing ourselves/ being represented for how we actually are. So these embarrassing moments don’t define us, cause they’re not truly how we are on a regular basis. That’s why letting these memories fade into the background is actually being more true to yourself than you could ever be. It’s allowing you to express who you truly are, without being held back by the self conscious thoughts that result from dwelling on embarrassing moments.

If you allow all of your regrets and mistakes and embarrassing moments to pile into your conscious memory and thoughts, you’ll look like you’re carrying the world’s troubles on you shoulders. Continually thinking of your downfalls causes you to shine less and your sparkle dulls. You don’t see the spark in your own eyes, you just notice the dust that is causing them to haze.

Though the main reason for my cutting of ties with this guy a few months ago was related to me just not wanting a relationship, it was also because of one particular thing I noticed about him. He didn’t have a sparkle in his eyes. His eyes looked hazed over, and masked by sadness, even when he was smiling. It was that small thing that caused me to decline. Though it may appear to be a minuscule reason to turn someone down, I think it was the most accurate indicator I’ve gone by yet. That small observation saved me from beginning something with someone who dwells on his downfalls, rather than focusing on his achievements.

The other day I made a list of the things that make me happy. At the moment it is small, but I’m going to continue to add things when they come to mind. One actually just came to mind, but it may or may not be the subject of this post: indulging in physical affection. In my definition, physical affection can range from cuddling, kissing, fondling (ehh that’s a strange word, let’s go with groping), making out, etc. All of these things bring me a lot of happiness, because they’re very fun… As humans, we crave these things… Generally… And when we’re deprived of them, we begin to feel withdrawal. Well I do at least…

Currently my oxytocin levels are dropping quickly, and I’m beginning to feel the affects. Though I would love to be indulging in this side of me way more than I have been for the past few months, I think the fast from the physical part of relationships is good for me in a way. Lately I’ve felt my senses are heightened, and I believe there may be a correlation between the two. I’m not sure how many of you have used this particular object, but I’m going to use it as an example anyway… You know those head massaging things? They tickle like crazy, and the sensation is kind of orgasmic? Well I’m not sure how many of you overdosed on the feeling of the thing until you nearly desensitized yourself from it… But I almost did. So going with that thought, I think that indulging in physical desires too much can cause the sensations to eventually dull into a numb feeling. Though, if you reverse that, and deprive yourself from physical desires for a while, I think you’re more sensitive to even the slightest touch. When I say my sensations are heightened, I also mean my hearing, and every other sense I have (smelling, sight, etc), along with touch. A few weeks ago, one night, I was laying in bed in total darkness, watching a thunderstorm. I may or may not have written about this… my memory is failing me. While I was listening, seeing, and sensing every action of the storm, my senses were going crazy. Every inch of my body reacted to the sight and sound of the lightning, thunder, and rain. It was quite miraculous how such a simple storm could evoke such a reaction from my body.

Though I love having such heightened senses, I would risk lowering them for a nice dose of oxytocin. I watched my favorite movie today called “how to lose a guy in ten days,” and it reminded me of just how amazing physical affection is. When watching this movie, I was reminded of the electric passion in a kiss, the connection that occurs as two tongues dance with one another, intermingling, bringing both a euphoric sensation as the dance goes on. How a simple embrace can cause you to melt into one another, feeling every inch of each other’s bodies pressed against each other, begging to be closer. How a gaze can elicit desire and interest, without a word needing to be spoken. And how the sensation of your lover’s lips running along your skin can drive your senses wild.

Well, looks like physical affection became the topic. Though all I was aiming to do, was to mention those two things that make me happy. The first being physical affection, and the second is watching chick flicks/ my favorite movie (how to lose a guy in 10 days).

Hello everyone. Recently I’ve noticed that I’ve become a little tactless with my writing and posting. For those of you who dislike the particular blogs I’ve posted on a whim, I appologize. The writing I’ve done lately hasn’t been my best, because my mind is in search of inspiration and focus. At the moment, my thoughts are elsewhere and I’m a little preoccupied with that. If you have enjoyed the unfiltered postings though, there will be more to come, I can tell you that….

Though the title doesn’t allude to anything but that paragraph I wrote above, I’d like to discuss an idea with you all. Is insecurity the root of all evil? Now I know it may sound quite random, but I believe that insecurity causes a great deal of the problems in our interpersonal relations, as well as on a more global scale. Recently I’ve observed many insecure people. I’ve noticed that rather than acknowledging the true problem, they just bask in the glow of insecurity. Then they allow their friends and anyone within arms length to feel this fabulous glow they’re experiencing (I hope you all realize that’s sarcasm). The problem with this is that while we’re so preoccupied about how we aren’t meeting a standard (when someone or something else provides competition or jealousy), or how we posses a certain flaw (typically body image related or pertaining to a personality trait), we are so focussed on ourselves and how miserable we feel, that we project this anger and frustration onto innocent bystanders. We just assume that they know how terrible we have it, and that they’ll immediately adjust and not make the wrong move. Although much to their dismay, we have the special capability of finding frustration within even the smallest things. This is generally because insecurity brings out the defensive side of us all, so words and actions of others become easily misconstrued. You know, it’s quite funny how the more we begin to think about ourselves, the easier it is to make every little thing about us. It’s a pity party for 1, that no one else wants to be around for. Though things aren’t always so simple for those who have to endure an insecure person’s rath. There are just some people you’re forced to be around. Like family members, coworkers, and significant others. The ironic thing is that insecure people are so caught up in their feelings, that they’ll turn things on you. You do one small thing that rubs them the wrong way, and instantly you’re the jerk, you just caused all of the negative energy, and you need to stop being so rude, because they’re perfection. Ok that’s sarcasm… But it generally feels as though this antagonizer can’t see the freaking log in their eye, and can only notice the wood chips they blew on you. This is because they’re in denial. They already feel inadequate, so to add on the fact that they’re also being toxic towards others would just amplify their insecurity.

I know it’s difficult to admit to affecting others happiness in this way, but those around you deserve to be treated lovingly. If you’re contstanlty a parana ready to rip off someone’s head, people will begin to leave you alone. Also, I just realized that insecurity and selfishness typically go hand in hand… So I’d like to to clonclude that I believe both selfishness and insecurity are the root of many problems within interpersonal relationships.