Wednesday, 6 May 2015

Week 22 Update

Been very naughty lately and keep skipping or combining these so-called ‘weekly’ updates! So here we are at week 22, over the halfway mark, which seems incredible. Its been a very up-and-down week, full of hysterical laughter and a few tears.A lot of this is down to my haywire emotions, which are all over the place at the moment. Even though I know its just hormones, dealing with the reality of all these highs and lows has been quite tiring.I just haven’t been feeling myself – physically, mentally or emotionally, and seeing as its on all front, I’m finding it a little overwhelming at odd moments.First, there are the physical challenges.

My bump is well and truly blossoming and seems to have undergone a growth spurt. Naturally, a part of me is really pleased that the baby is healthy and he’s growing well – its all quite exciting. But people I haven’t seen for a while keep telling me I look huge, and I’m struggling a bit with that.Objectively, I know that most of the weight I’ve put on so far is just bump – I’m not bigger anywhere else and I’m still wearing my regular clothes for the most part (okay, only the looser ones, but still…).I know people mean it in a kind way, but I’m becoming obsessed with having a ‘neat bump’ and not looking huge and shapeless, which is ridiculous because you don’t get much say in the matter!Its like my personal complexes are battling with my desire to be a good mother and produce a healthy baby.I have a colleague who is only three weeks behind me, but her bump is a lot smaller (she’s a small lady all over though), so I’m trying hard not to compare myself to her as much. People feel very free to comment on your appearance when you’re pregnant though, although a couple of people have also told me I’m not big anywhere else, which is reassuring.Would it be acceptable at any other time to comment so much on someone's weight/appearance?I’m annoyed with myself that I’m even worried about something so trivial, but that’s just being honest.Mentally, I find myself wandering a lot, and its harder to focus.Scientists have recently argued that ‘baby brain’ is not real, but I know a few ladies who would disagree with that! Forgetting simple information or just generally feeling that there’s too much going on is a feature for me lately.Thankfully, my tiredness levels are generally okay, although I have been waking up early most days at around 5.30ish. I don’t mind that though. I’m still continuing with the gym and did a quick run for the first time in a while on Sunday because I felt energetic, but other days I’ve reduced it to a bit of cross trainer and some stationary bike. I’m trying to listen to my body and not overdo it. A couple of days I’ve been randomly really tired, but then I’ve just gone to bed. The walk home from the office and other things like cleaning the bathroom seem to leave me a bit out of breath these days, which is worrying! It made me feel ancient to realise my heart was racing after some housework at the weekend!I’ve also been feeling really clingy for Seb. I miss him huge amounts during the day and dread saying goodbye in the mornings. Its funny because I always used to love my own space, and he’d be the one annoyed because we weren’t spending enough time together but that’s gone out the window. It’s a really nice time for us. He’s being so caring and boosting my spirits when I get a little down. This can backfire though,due to my crazy emotions. On Sunday he told me he was proud of me for doing well so far and that he thought I was a good mother already, and I couldn’t stop sobbing for half an hour!I also had to take Shilling for her injections and spaying operation at the vets, and for some reason it caused me a huge amount of stress.I convinced myself she would hate me for taking her and I didn’t want to go at all, but because of Seb’s schedule I had to take her there in the morning before work. Of course it was silly to worry, they tookgreat care of her. She wasn’t even slightly stand offish when I picked her up and wanted lots of love and cuddles, so I don’t know what I was so worked up about.The other night I had a lot of sharp abdominal pains as well. I didn’t know what was going on at the time but it really freaked me out.Later, people told me it sounded like a Braxton Hicks, which is basically your body “practising” contractions. They are nowhere near as painful as real labour but it was enough to make me cry, mainly because I didn't know what was happening…well, everything sets me off at the moment, lets face it!On the lighter side of things, now we know it’s a boy, I’ve been doing lots of shopping, and we’ve gotten him some really cute little outfits and baby grows that make me smile every time I look at them. My sister in law Kirsty also very kindly gave us a load of stuff from her little boy, some of it never even worn, and some other items like a Moses basket and a baby bath. She’s also been on hand with some great advice, and its just very reassuring to have her there. The baby now has quite an extensive wardrobe awaiting him!We’ve also decided on a Paddington theme for the nursery, and a grey, white, powder blue and navy colour scheme. Seb was (is?) a massive Paddington fan himself and hunted down some adorable wallpaper for thebaby’s room. We also met next door’s baby boy, born at the end of February, finally. He’s called Alfie and he’s such a little cutie – my neighbour was thrilled to hear we’re having a boy too and we immediately started planning how they’d be little best friends over the fence.Still no weird cravings other than a massive fetish for orange juice. I’m having to limit my intake a bit as I know it has masses of sugar in, but I think I could just about bathe in the stuff at the moment.It’s only a couple of short weeks until our babymoon and I literally can’t wait. My excitement seems to be taking the form of making a million packing lists and hunting out what summer clothes I have thatwill still fit me. Dreaming of Venice and gelatos…