From the typewriter . . .

MIKE BIANCHISyndicated Columnist

Published Sunday, April 17, 2005

Magic GM John Weisbrod was supposed to meet with Orange County Mayor Rich Crotty on Monday about the arena, but a source inside Crotty's office says Weisbrod called to cancel. Not only that, but Crotty and others are becoming more and more baffled by the Magic's apparent lack of communication on the arena issue.

I think I need to explain something here to the politicians, civic leaders and news columnists: Repeat after me -- this is not the real world; this is pro sports. And in pro sports, the team always wins. Always. The politicians may think they can play hardball with the Magic and they may think they're calling the shots, but they're not. The Magic are. Why? Because at the end of the day, the Magic will have their new arena -- either here or somewhere else.

Short stuff: I swear that wasn't me who wrote the bone-headed column a couple of months ago calling the Doug Christie trade a good one. It was Ron Mexico. . . . Sorry, but I don't buy the homeristic hype of the New York media. Just because Gary Sheffield only took one swing at that knucklehead Red Sox fan doesn't make him a patron saint of composure and restraint. It just makes him a little less of a jerk than if he'd taken two swings. . . . And this is why the Devil Rays are actually way ahead of their time. They have found an infallible way of ridding their games of fan violence: They have rid their games of fans. Now ask yourself: Have you ever seen an opposing player have an altercation with an empty chairback? . . . I'm not saying Vijay Singh was absolutely right, but I am saying this: If you put Footjoys on a Budweiser Clydesdale, it would tread more lightly on the greens than Phil Mickelson. . . .

I'm so glad that in Florida our lawmakers say it's now OK to use pre-emptive force anytime we feel imminently threatened or terrorized. Does this mean I can shoot my TV every time Shaq shoots a free throw? . . . Urban Meyer. There, I've just assured that 58,500 Gator fans will read this column. . . . By the way, it seems Orange County is about to sign a megamillion-dollar deal to build a 50-acre mass-transit complex next to the convention center -- a project planners say will eventually incorporate everything from Lynx buses to International Drive shuttles to light-rail and commuter-rail trains. New poll question: Would you rather have a new arena or a state-of-the-art bus terminal? . . .

If the reports are true and Michael Vick -- a.k.a. Ron Mexico -- has herpes, then we have been deceived. Now we know the real reason announcers keep telling us Vick is nearly untouchable when he takes off scrambling. It's not because defenders can't touch him; it's because they choose not to. . . . Did you read the disturbing story out of L.A. where one youth league baseball player killed another with a baseball bat moments after being teased about losing a game? Maybe we need a congressional hearing because the kids are setting a bad example for Major Leaguers. . . .

In case you missed it, the Orlando Magic will tip off "Fan Appreciation Week" against the Pacers on Monday night when the first 5,000 fans receive a Dwight Howard growth chart. Not to worry, though, if you're a late arrival: The last 27 fans will receive commemorative Doug Christie bone spurs. . . . A poll of 979 Americans commissioned by NBC found that 86 percent of respondents said "it is OK for male athletes to participate in sports even if they are openly gay." But what if they're openly sad? . . . Question: When Barry Bonds goes into the Hall of Fame, should he wear the cap of the Cream or the Clear?