Failure Has Five Sons

If you’re like me, you probably sit up late at night, chain smoking and mainlining Rockstar Punched trying to figure out how Mitt Romney could have failed so miserably, so disgracefully after spending all of Tagg’s inheritance.

I mean, sure, people thought he was insincere; an opportunistic fraud who would say anything, do anything, spend any amount of money to take control of the reins of American Power only to hand them over to the Mysterious Black Lords of his Bastard Fake Jesus Religion.

…or so James Dobson tells me.

But I think when all the votes were counted, when all of the caucuses were … caucused, it all came down to Meghan McCain.

In the battle of the Kid Blogs we had the sterile blue oxford cloth and pressed khakis Five Brothers versus perky Meghan McCain (above), who is, well she’s a bit of a trend casserole* now, isn’t she? (Note to all of you kids: do not go into a Wet Seal for at least two hours after watching a Newsies/Flashdance double feature. You’re just going to have to trust me on this one.)

Then there is McCainBlogette, it’s "hip", "funky fresh", " stylin’ ", "slammin’ ", not afraid to wear red fuck-me pumps, and not littered with useless prop grandchildren ( a lot of fucking good they were, Mitt).

We’re going to be keeping an eye on young McMeghan, if for no other reason than the fact that she is so not a Bride of Moroni.