moment of clarity

warning: this contains truth and fiction.
the lines are meant to be extremely blurred.

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

walking about

i walk out of palma hall and rush down the steps. i cross the wide street and find myself seated at the libe walk. i ask manang carmen if she has gudang garam red and she tells me "bawal na ngayon e." i look around and see immediately how drastically things have changed. the acad oval is a one way street now and joggers and bikers now own half of my favorite street in this whole wide world. that and my favorite friends are not with me in this tambayan of ours. we have all left diliman and went on to make good on our promises of becoming pantas and doing each other proud.

these days i'm on pause mode and i keep on rewinding scenes and scents, hoping to retrieve feelings of vibrance and lightness. hoping to catch, bottle up, and bring with me that essence of youthful carelessness we must have somehow imprinted on the rickety columns of our tambayan. but all i could get are these convoluted words and this bottleneck sense of emotional constipation. i just can't get there, not without friends laughing at and with me or the trivial concerns i had when i was a carefree citizen of peyups. so i walk towards the coop and eat fish balls before checking out the familiar yet newly dressed stalls. i find school shirts designed by fine arts students and some cheap thrills in my favorite nook which now has this commercial zing.

i step out of the stall, book and shirt in hand. i look at the faces coming my way and see people who bask in the sunshine the community provides. i see classmates looking forward to malling and shopping. i see friends taking a break from the seemingly all important exam week and coaxing each other for a coffee or beer break. i see lovers slithering against each other's body, unmindful of the rest of the world which simply does not understand their passion. i see people like me who just couldn't get enough of love and life in the university. i see kindred souls who do not mind that they could not as yet grasp what lies ahead, outside this commune. i see strangers whom i consider friends simply because we share the zest for this UP spirit which simply refuses to leave, seemingly knowing in the heart of their being that something else was, is created in you once you step in here. never mind the number of times you'll attempt to step out.