Bernie Sanders to endorse Trump

Now that Donald Trump has effectively secured the Republican presidential nomination, he has indicated that he will try to unify his 16 former opponents behind his candidacy. Or at least unify the four of them who didn’t say really, really mean things about him during the campaign.

So far, none of Trump’s former major rivals have endorsed him, except for New Jersey Governor Chris Christie and Dr. Ben Carson.

But now Trump will be getting a boost from a Democratic rival. A source close to the campaign of Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders discloses that Sanders will soon announce that he is suspending his campaign and endorsing Trump.

Sanders has told his advisors that he is fed up with Sen. Hillary Clinton’s continued ties with Wall Street. He is particularly angered by Clinton’s large speaking fees. “Hell,” said Sanders to one aide, “I can’t even afford a suit made of natural fiber, and that bitch is raking in a million bucks for a 10-minute speech to Goldman Sachs. They didn’t even bribe Ted Cruz that much, and his wife works there.”

In response to staff protests over how he could possibly support a candidate with Trump’s views, Sanders responded, “I have no chance to beat Hillary now. To do that, I would need to flip her superdelegates. But the superdelegates were all paid off by George Soros to support Hillary. Or maybe it was George Clooney who paid them. I don’t remember. Either way, she has them in her pocket. Trump may be a one-percenter and a crook, but at least he’s not a Wall Street crook.”

Sanders continued, “Trump doesn’t stand for anything except promoting himself. If we start saying nice things about him, he’ll adopt our positions on the issues. Putin tried the same tactic, and now Donald wants to abandon NATO. No reason that he won’t do likewise by us.”

When queried about Sanders’s forthcoming support, Trump responded, “I always liked Bernie. He reminds me of Bernie Gold … um … Goldin … Goldberg, whatever his name is, my accountant from Brooklyn. You do know that all the Jews love me, don’t you? Yes, sir, just as much as the blacks, the evangelicals, the women and the Mexicans.”

Newsgrin writes on politics, world affairs, law and organic vegetables. You can find his columns at www.newsgrin.com.