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I think this has a unique them to it. But I get confused as to whether it is meant to be positive or negative. IDK if that makes sense or not.I really like the first two sentences though.. they just seem to work.
3rd and 4th sentence of the first stanza don't transition very well.
Also you use awkward phrases some times, like idiots are we, but this I like b/c it shows that you are probbly drunk. I think you could probbly make this poem hilarious by writing it literally as if you were drunk. Ever heard of the quote "I swear to drunk I'm not god" Maybe you could figure out how to do that. Either way you should try to be a little more consistent in your tone, either have weird/funny drunk phrases, or be serious about it.

Posted 8 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Reviews

I admire the complete honesty of this piece. I love candour, honesty in writing and I relate to yours. I only do honest you wuill see if you ever get round to reading me. No obligation.

Style? Nothing to adversely critique rather much to celebrate.

Content? The whole notion of drinking and driving is taboo. That is precisiely why as writers we should address it and I am so pleased you have in this piece.

I think by now many on this site know I am bipolar (a manic depressive) like say Leonard Cohen or Vincent van Gogh was repouted to be.

It is the greatest blessing and curse of my life. But if it does anything, given what I have seen and experienced in life, it adds I hope to my empathy.

On a course I attended relating to and very helpful in managing the disorder, one of the presenters (bipolar in recovery) said to us all that he had now given up drinking and driving and women as both were bad for his health!

I fear I have drunk and driven, had more women than is entirely requisite in the normal life span, driven sports cars at 100 miles an hour down 60 miles an hour roads only to do a hand break turn before returning home.

I do not hereby respect my behvaiour. Rather I reject it. I am pleased I too am in recovery. But I am brave enough like you to write about it!

But I think it is joyful to watch people write about their own shortcomings for us all to sit back and relate, even with only a wry smile of recognition.

Posted 6 Years Ago

Posted 6 Years Ago

What I really like here is the small, vocative Please take heed...., and the self critical look at yourself, I`m not too sure I understand what you did wrong, maybe you should work it over so that it is a bit easier to understand what happened, but all in all funny, wry and ironical, good poem.

Posted 7 Years Ago

Interesting write, the driver must always be cautious and never get too deeply moved or involved in what other talk while driving which may make him lose concentration.... gladly everyone is back home :)

Posted 7 Years Ago

Posted 7 Years Ago

Your grammar and punctuation were excellent. I'm not sure if its meant to be negative or positive but, it was a marvelous poem speaking and all of thought that are held on a drunks head even if they may be caught or set free to roam in a irresponsible. Well done and keep up the marvelous work in writings but, be a little more specific.

Posted 7 Years Ago

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Author

Paphos, Europe, Cyprus

About

I started writing in October '10. A real new bee to this world of writing.
I currently live in Cyprus, where I have been since 2005. I am British, and have spent many years living abroad.
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