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Wed, 09 Nov 2016 14:43:41 +0000en-UShourly1http://wordpress.org/?v=3.5.1Legal Chat: Living wills and health care proxieshttp://www.tullylegal.com/albany-ny/articles/legal-chat-living-wills-and-health-care-proxies/
http://www.tullylegal.com/albany-ny/articles/legal-chat-living-wills-and-health-care-proxies/#commentsSun, 06 Nov 2016 19:54:21 +0000Tully Rinckey PLLChttp://www.tullylegal.com/albany-ny/?p=21369What is the difference between a living will and a health care proxy, and is it necessary to have both? The answer to this question is that it depends upon which state you live in. In the state of New …

What is the difference between a living will and a health care proxy, and is it necessary to have both?

The answer to this question is that it depends upon which state you live in. In the state of New York a living will and a health care proxy are different documents and accomplish different goals.

In New York State, a living will is a written expression of someone’s intent with regard to end of life decision-making and other important health care decisions. It can state under what conditions you do or do not want artificial nutrition and hydration, CPR, intubation or other medical interventions.

New York law does not contain a specific statute governing living wills; thus, the validity of a living will is decided by case law. The Court of Appeals, which is New York’s highest Court, ruled in the Matter of O’Connor (1988) that a living will is valid if it provides “clear and convincing” evidence of a person’s health care wishes.

A living will does not, however, appoint a specific person to make health care decisions for you.

A health care proxy is the document that appoints someone to make health care decisions for you in the event that you are unable to make those decisions for yourself. You can appoint a primary agent and a successor agent. However, unless your health care proxy is aware of your specific wishes regarding artificial nutrition and hydration, they cannot make end of life decisions for you.

That is why many times you will see a living will and a health care proxy executed together in a single form. Executing these documents together enables your agent to make whatever medical decisions may be necessary because your wishes are directly spelled out in the same document that appoints them. It also makes things easier for your doctor/treating professional because everything is in one place, and they do not have to look for two separate documents.

If you are thinking about executing a health care proxy or a living will, it is advisable that you contact an experienced estate-planning attorney to discuss your options, as there are specific execution requirements for these documents.

Greg T. Rinckey, Esq., is the managing partner at Tully Rinckey PLLC, a full-service law firm located in Colonie. For more information about the firm, please visit www.1888Law4Life.com. If you would like your legal question or topic answered in the next issue, please contact Greg Rinckey at 218-7100 or askthelawyer@1888law4life.com. The information in this column is not intended as legal advice.

(CNN)A Navy sailor facing prison time for taking photos of a classified area on a US nuclear attack submarine is asking a federal judge for leniency, citing the government’s decision not to indict Hillary Clinton for mishandling classified information.

Petty Officer First Class Kristian Saucier, a 29-year-old mechanic, admitted he used his personal cellphone on three occasions in 2009 to take six pictures of the submarine’s classified propulsion system while working in the engine room, according to court documents.

In a court filing, Saucier’s lawyer compares the half-dozen classified photos Saucier had in his possession to the 110 classified emails the FBI determined were on Hillary Clinton’s personal server.
“Mr. Saucier possessed six (6) photographs classified as ‘confidential/restricted,’ far less than Clinton’s 110 emails,” Derrick Hogan wrote to the US District Court in Bridgeport, Connecticut, in a story first reported by Politico.

Advocating for probation, Hogan said it would be “unjust and unfair” for Saucier — who has pleaded guilty — to do prison time “for a crime those more powerful than him will likely avoid.”

The federal government dismissed the comparison in a court filing Monday and instead asked the judge to sentence Saucier to more than five years behind bars at the sentencing hearing this Friday. The federal sentencing guideline ranges from 63 to 78 months.

“The defendant is grasping at highly imaginative and speculative straws in trying to further draw a comparison to the matter of Sec. Hilary (sic) Clinton based upon virtually no understanding and knowledge of the facts involved, the information at issue, not to mention any issues of intent and knowledge,” the prosecutors said in court papers.
Saucier, who served on the USS Alexandria submarine from September 2007 until March 2012, had a secret security clearance and admitted knowing he was not authorized to take the photos, which depicted classified material.

Still, Saucier’s lawyers claim his reason for taking the photos was benign.

“Mr. Saucier admitted that he knew when he took the pictures in 2009 that they were classified and that he did so out of the misguided desire to keep these pictures in order to one day show his family and his future children what he did while he was in the Navy,” Hogan wrote in a court filing.

Saucier’s conduct is different from Clinton’s email controversy, even his lawyers admit. The former secretary of state has said she did not knowingly send or receive emails that were classified, while Saucier has admitted knowing his conduct was illegal.

FBI Director James Comey, however, said his investigation found that “any reasonable person in Secretary Clinton’s position … should have known that an unclassified system was no place for that conversation” about classified matters. Comey also noted that a small number of the emails did bear markings indicating the presence of classified information, a fact that Saucier’s defense attorneys pointed to.

“I don’t think that we’re grasping at straws,” said Greg Rinckey, one of the defense attorneys representing Saucier. “I think the cases are similar. Are they apples to apples? No, absolutely not. However it’s now been shown that Secretary Clinton sent and received emails that were marked classified at the time contrary to her sworn testimony.”

Delaney Promoted to Helpdesk Manager at Tully Rinckey PLLC

April 14, 2016 – Albany, N.Y. – Tully Rinckey PLLC is pleased to announce the promotion of Brandon Delaney to Helpdesk Manager. For the past five years, Delaney has served as an IT Analyst for the firm.

In his new role, Delaney is responsible for the management and oversight of the firm’s IT helpdesk. In this role, he works with the firm’s Chief Information Officer to help ensure the overall health and productivity of the firm’s information technology (IT) systems, supporting all branch offices throughout the country. Delaney reviews, tracks, and resolves systems issues at both the datacenter and end-user device levels.

Additionally, Delaney consults with users about increasing efficiency, along with recommending and deploying hardware and software solutions to enhance or add functionality to the firm’s IT systems. He is also responsible for the firm’s high-definition video teleconferencing system, which enables attorneys and support staff to have video conferencing within the firm, and with outside agencies.

Before joining the firm in May 2011, Delaney worked as a Senior Computer Technician for an IT company in Albany, N.Y. There, he helped end users as well as small and medium businesses achieve their technological needs.

For more information, please contact Marcy Velte at (518) 218-7100 or at mvelte@1888law4life.com.

Purple Heart parking spot designated at MiSci in Schenectady

The spot is located outside the MiSci Museum near the entrance and next to the handicap spot.

At the event, Assemblyman Angelo Santabarbara also unveiled new legislation, that if passed, would create Purple Heart parking designations across the state.

“There’s a couple purposes for the space,” he said. “To make life a little bit easier for those who have been wounded in combat. It’s also a salute to our veterans. It reminds us every day to remember them.”

Friday’s event fell on Purple Up Day, a national invitation to show appreciation for military children by wearing the color purple.

Proposed legislation would create statewide parking requirements similar to disabled parking law

April 15, 2016 – Albany, N.Y. – Tully Rinckey PLLC Founding Partner and decorated Army Veteran Mathew Tully today backed proposed legislation that would allow veterans injured in the line of duty to have their own designated parking spots at businesses throughout the state.

Caption: Tully Rinckey PLLC Founding Partner and New York State Commander of the Military Order of the Purple Heart Mathew Tully, along with state Assemblyman Angelo Santabarabara, thank miSci Executive Director Mac Sudduth for the museum’s dedication of a designated combat-wounded parking space.

At an event held this morning at the Museum of Innovation and Science in Schenectady, Tully lent his support to new legislation sponsored by State Assemblyman Angelo Santabarbara, D-Rotterdam, to make the spaces a requirement for businesses. Today, miSci unveiled a similar parking spot, which staff voluntarily marked as space for combat-wounded drivers with a specially created sign.

“Availability of these new parking spaces is not only an important way to show our appreciation for veterans who gave so much while serving our country; the designated parking can also provide needed relief for those who still suffer from injuries sustained in the armed forces,” said Tully.

Except in cases where small businesses have limited parking, the proposed legislation (A09064) would make it a requirement for businesses to designate parking spaces for use by wounded warriors. Spaces would be marked with a sign, and lined with purple paint. Businesses that would like to voluntarily designate their own parking spaces for wounded veterans may request a sign through the Wounded Warriors Family Support’s Combat Parking initiative.

Caption: State Assemblyman Angelo Santabarabara, Tully Rinckey PLLC Founding Partner and New York State Commander of the Military Order of the Purple Heart Mathew Tully, Princetown Highway Superintendent and Purple Heart Korean War veteran Nicholas Maura Sr., and Marion M. Grimes from the Electric City Detachment Marine Corps League stand with the new designated parking spot at miSci.

Tully is also advocating for a law similar to one in New Jersey, which would allow all those with a Purple Heart license plate be allowed to park without payment to parking meters. Since elected in October 2014, Tully is the New York State Commander of the Military Order of the Purple Heart.

In addition, the event celebrated Purple Up Day with all participants asked to wear purple in honor of April’s Month of the Military Child.

Tully served in the U.S. Army for nearly 20 years, retiring from the New York Army National Guard at the rank of Lieutenant Colonel in 2014. Throughout his military career, he was deployed to Iraq, Egypt and Afghanistan. As a result of his service in the latter, he was awarded the Purple Heart and Bronze Star Medal resulting from injuries sustained in an improvised explosive device (IED) attack. He was most recently recognized as one of 2015’s most influential and impactful veterans by HillVets, a nonprofit group of bipartisan veterans and supporters empowering veterans to advance in careers following military service.

For more information, or to speak with Mathew Tully, please contact Marcy Velte at (518) 218-7100 or at mvelte@1888law4life.com.

]]>http://www.tullylegal.com/albany-ny/articles/tully-supports-creation-of-designated-parking-spaces-for-wounded-veterans/feed/0“He took on this case with vigor and ZERO FEAR of the government!”http://www.tullylegal.com/albany-ny/testimonials/he-took-on-this-case-with-vigor-and-zero-fear-of-the-government/
http://www.tullylegal.com/albany-ny/testimonials/he-took-on-this-case-with-vigor-and-zero-fear-of-the-government/#commentsFri, 15 Apr 2016 18:19:48 +0000Tully Rinckey PLLChttp://www.tullylegal.com/albany-ny/?p=21230“LITERALLY THE BEST MONEY I EVER SPENT!!!! The USAF charged my son with Article 92, Violate General Order and Article 128, Simple Assault. I spoke to many attorneys who said to me, “Your son will be convicted of the Simple …

]]>“LITERALLY THE BEST MONEY I EVER SPENT!!!! The USAF charged my son with Article 92, Violate General Order and Article 128, Simple Assault. I spoke to many attorneys who said to me, “Your son will be convicted of the Simple Assault because putting lotion on someone’s face is considered an assault as it is an unwanted touch.” They all wanted me to work on a plea deal with the government that ended with my son being discharged, spending time in the brig and having a federal conviction for the rest of his life. Knowing that this just didn’t warrant a federal conviction, bad conduct discharge and time in the brig, I was on a search to find an attorney who would look at this case for what it was: a couple of 19-21 year-old immature young men horse playing. I was looking for someone who would say something different; someone who would be able to look at the case from more than one view. When I spoke to Mr. Rinckey, I thought I was going to get the same ole speech, but to my surprise, I IMMEDIATELY felt at ease and I knew right then that he was going to be my attorney (not sure if he knew it at this time). He took on this case with vigor and ZERO FEAR of the government! He wanted them to know that this was NOT going to go away with any plea deal! And he went to work! Then, LITERALLY 2 DAYS BEFORE trail the government added an additional charge, which was Article 134, Unlawful Entry. Mr. Rinckey stayed focused, developed a plan, and off to trail we went. He was so prepared, calm and at ease. I remember him saying to me, “I am ready to try this case.” And yesterday – 14 APR 2016 – my son was found NOT GUILTY on ALL CHARGES AND SPECIFICATIONS!!! Yesss!!! You know, it’s always hard to find money for an attorney, but I learned one thing with this case. Although I thought we couldn’t afford an attorney, the truth of the matter was that we couldn’t afford NOT TO HAVE an attorney. I only wish I had found Mr. Rinckey sooner, but that’s okay. I have found my ATTORNEY for life,” Y.W. on Founding Partner on Greg Rinckey, Esq. Prior results do not guarantee similar outcomes.

OCEAN COUNTY — Maj. Keith Sandull spent the past 14 years climbing the ranks in one of the largest police departments in the state.

In October 2012, he was promoted to chief of investigations for internal affairs, the second-highest ranking position in the 400-person civilian police department at Joint Base McGuire-Dix-Lakehurst.

Now, however, an incident from 20 years ago is threatening to derail Sandull’s career.

In 1996, Sandull was arrested on sexual assault and official misconduct charges while working as patrolman in the Avon by the Sea Police Department. He was accused of using his position to coerce a woman into having sex with him on multiple occasions.

The charges were dismissed after Sandull completed a pretrial intervention program for first time offenders. He had the records of his arrest expunged in 2002, according to his attorney.

That same year, Sandull became a patrolman at Fort Monmouth and rose to the rank of chief before the base closed. In 2012, he joined the police department for Joint Base McGuire-Dix-Lakehurst and within months was promoted to chief of investigations.

But it was that job as lead internal affairs investigator that brought his past back into the open last year and launched an unusual cop vs. cop lawsuit in which both parties have been dogged by allegations of misconduct.

DEFAMATION SUIT

Sandull, 48, of Howell, filed a defamation lawsuit last month in Superior Court in Ocean County against a patrolman in the joint base police department, Ryan Verrecchio, his attorney and the Monmouth County Prosecutor’s Office.

Sandull alleges that Verrecchio began digging into his past in retaliation for a 2014 internal affairs investigation that determined allegations of sexual harassment and misuse of a firearm against Verrecchio were credible.

Verrecchio made an open public records request to the Monmouth County Prosecutor’s Office and obtained the 1996 complaint filed against Sandull at the time of his arrest, according to Sandull’s lawsuit.

Verrecchio and his attorney, Cheri Cannon, sent that complaint and a link to a 1996 New York Times story about the arrest to base officials and questioned Sandull’s credibility.

Since then, Sandull said in his lawsuit that his security clearance has been placed under review and he lost his supervisory role over internal affairs, as well as other duties.

“The disclosure of this information provided Verrecchio the ammunition he needed
to ruin Major Sandull’s otherwise unblemished reputation,” the lawsuit states. “Prior to the disclosure of false and confidential information, Major Sandull was a
highly respected Investigator.”

Sandull named the Monmouth County Prosecutor’s Office as a defendant in the defamation suit because he alleges the criminal complaint was expunged and should not have been provided in response to Verrecchio’s records request.

Sandull, who made a base salary of $89,000 and $15,000 in overtime last year, is seeking unspecified damages.

Attorneys for both Sandull and Verrecchio declined to make their clients available for comment about the dispute.

AVON ARREST

Sandull was arrested in 1996 on charges he was using his position as an Avon by the Sea police officer to coerce a woman into having sex with him, authorities said at the time.

In a 1996 Star-Ledger account of the arrest story, Monmouth County prosecutors said Sandull offered to help a woman resolve a pending drug case in exchange for sex and the woman agreed.

The woman later reported the arrangement and Monmouth County detectives hid inside her residence when Sandull visited while in uniform and began fondling her, prosecutors said at the time. The detectives arrested Sandull and the charges were widely publicized.

A short New York Times story published in 1996 about the arrest remains the top Google search result for “Keith Sandull.”

Sandull was indicted the following year on counts of aggravated sexual assault, official misconduct, criminal sexual contact and sexual coercion, according to a statement from Mathew Tully, an attorney representing Verrecchio.

Edward Dimon, the attorney who filed the defamation lawsuit on behalf of Sandull, said his client resolved those charges by entering the state’s pretrial intervention program, which allows for charges to be dismissed after the program is completed.

In 2002, Sandull had the charges expunged – a legal process that results in the removal of the arrest and conviction records.

Verrecchio, however, obtained a copy of the original complaint after filing a public records request in November with the Monmouth prosecutor and it was shared with base officials, the lawsuit states.

“After receiving the information from the Prosecutor’s Offìce, Ptl. Verrecchio and
his attorney, Cannon, undertook to smear Major Sandull’s reputation and otherwise diminish his credibility at work,” the lawsuit said.

Sandull claims in his defamation suit that the allegations against him in 1996 were misleading and were made by a confidential informant involved with drug cases.

“Verrecchio and his attorney, Cannon, disclosed false, misleading and confidential information about Major Sandull in an attempt to leverage lesser disciplinary action,” according to the lawsuit.

The Monmouth County Prosecutor’s Office said in an email Friday that they had no records relating to Sandull’s case.

FORT MONMOUTH HIRING

Dimon said that the terms of the pretrial intervention program agreement did not bar Sandull from taking a job with police or the military in the future.

However, New Jersey law mandates that the military or a law enforcement agency must have access to an applicant’s entire record – including expunged charges.

That was true in Sandull’s case when he applied for a position at Fort Monmouth in Eatontown in 2002. The military base saw Sandull’s 1996 sexual assault and misconduct charges before they offered him a job as an officer at the base, Dimon said.

Sandull remained at the base for years and was promoted four times before Fort Monmouth closed and he transferred to the joint base, he said in his lawsuit.

His personnel file – with the 1996 case information included – transferred with him, Dimon said.

Since he’s been a federal police officer at both bases, Sandull said he’s had an “unblemished reputation,” and was well respected within the base, according to the lawsuit.

But that changed last year after Verrecchio and his attorney, Cannon, began sending information about his expunged case to base officials, the suit said.

Cannon sent a letter in November to numerous people at the base about the arrest.

“Not only does this account call into question Sandull’s credibility in a matter
where Mr. Verrecchio is being alleged to have made ‘sexually harassing’
remarks, it calls into question ALL of the Joint Base’s investigations,” Cannon wrote, according to Sandull’s lawsuit.

INTERNAL AFFAIRS

Sandull says in the lawsuit that he started investigating Verrecchio in 2014 for misuse of a firearm and sexual harassment, allegations that were deemed substantiated.

Tully said Verrecchio began raising questions about the 1996 charges against Sandull because they are relevant to his ability to investigate a fellow officer.

“We’re concerned. How did this guy get hired?” Tully said in an interview Friday.
“How could someone with his past be trustworthy enough?”

The complaint Verrecchio filed against Sandull in November, claims that Sandull should not have been hired as a police officer in any capacity following the 1996 charges.

Tully said that, as an internal investigator, Sandull would have testified at various criminal hearings.

“People went to jail or may still be in jail based on his testimony,” Tully said. He said that his law firm is looking into getting testimony Sandull gave at criminal hearings impeached.

Sandull addressed his credibility in the lawsuit, saying that after the complaint was filed, he was put under investigation by the base’s legal department and was removed from several positions.

“My investigations will constantly be called into question, as will my credibility and integrity,” Sandull said in the suit, adding that he is reliving the stress and embarrassment from the 1996 charges all over again.

The suit says Verrecchio also spread the information to other base police officers, and a reporter in Delaware, to discredit him.

WHISTLEBLOWER SUIT

Tully said Verrecchio is planning to file a whistleblower retaliation lawsuit in response to the allegations by Sandull. He said the case has the potential to silence any employee at the base who has concerns about superiors.

“This has completely shut down all whistleblowing. No one will come forward and complain,” Tully said.

In addition, Tully said Sandull’s lawsuit contains protected information that should not have been revealed by a federal employee.

A spokeswoman for the joint base said the lawsuit and Sandull’s case are being examined.

“(The military) takes these matters very seriously and we’re looking into the concerns raised by Mr. Tully,” Air Force Senior Airman Lauren Pitts said Friday.

]]>http://www.tullylegal.com/albany-ny/articles/tully-comments-sexual-assault-surfaces-and-could-derail-chief-sandulls-career/feed/0Hillvets 100: Tully Accepts High Honors for Work on Behalf of Vetshttp://www.tullylegal.com/albany-ny/articles/hillvets-100-tully-accepts-high-honors-for-work-on-behalf-of-vets/
http://www.tullylegal.com/albany-ny/articles/hillvets-100-tully-accepts-high-honors-for-work-on-behalf-of-vets/#commentsFri, 01 Apr 2016 15:14:07 +0000Tully Rinckey PLLChttp://www.tullylegal.com/albany-ny/?p=21223Attorney honored for work on behalf of vets by Indiana Nash Niskayuna resident Mathew Tully was recognized yesterday as one of the most influential veterans of 2015 by HillVets. Tully has been awarded for his military service in the past, …

Attorney honored for work on behalf of vets

by Indiana Nash

Niskayuna resident Mathew Tully was recognized yesterday as one of the most influential veterans of 2015 by HillVets.

Tully has been awarded for his military service in the past, but on this occasion he was recognized for the service he provides to other veterans and colleagues who face employment discrimination based on their service in the military. He has also helped to further litigation law regarding the United Services Employment and Reemployment Rights Act.

Although Tully comes from a family who has served in the military, he initially joined the ROTC program to help assist him financially through college.

Tully went to Hofstra University for political science, though a law degree was always what he’d wanted to do.

“After graduating in 1995, I went into active duty for a few years. Then I decided to join the National Guard in 1998 so that I could go to Brooklyn law school at night,” said Tully.

While in his third year of law school, the military began to play a larger role in his life due to the terror attacks of 9/11.

“I was working at the World Trade center on that day and for two months afterwards,” said Tully, who lived in Brooklyn at the time. He would work to clean the site during the day and take the rest of his classes during the evenings. Tully was able to graduate from Brooklyn law the following year.

During his service in the military, Tully was deployed to Iraq in 2005 for six months as a part of the 42nd Infantry “Rainbow” Division. He then served in Egypt in 2008 for two months. In 2012, he went to Afghanistan for a nine month tour. During this set, Tully sustained major injuries during a suicide bombing. His back and shoulders took most of the damage, but he was able to continue his service for a few weeks after the bombing before he returned to the United States.

For his time in Afghanistan, Tully later received a Purple Heart and a Bronze Star.

Back in the United States, Tully endured eighteen months of recovery and physical therapy from his injuries. “Because I was still considered on active duty, I couldn’t practice law (it would be considered a conflict of interest) and the recovery time took eighteen months only due to the military’s bureaucratic system,” said Tully. If he had been able to use a personal physical therapist and doctor, Tully believes that the recovery time would have been drastically reduced.

“I decided to go into military law because I had been discriminated against when I tried to return to work after being on active duty. After serving for a few years on active duty, I tried going back to my job at the Department of Justice, but I was not given assignments that were on my level or that would help further my career there. They thought that because I had gone on active duty, that I wasn’t invested in the Department so I shouldn’t have the chance to advance there,” said Tully.

After about a year and a half of this pattern, Tully decided to sue the Department. “I was in my first year of law school so I had a basic understanding of how the process went and I actually won,” said Tully.

Word spread of Tully’s story and of his victory over the Department’s discrimination. When he graduated, he already had fellow veterans asking him to represent them.

“Tully and Rinckey expanded significantly from 2003 to 2010 because so many veterans needed representation and we already had experience in it,” said Tully.

Of the ceremony in which Tully was recognized, Tully said, “It was an honor to be recognized by HillVets and to be at the ceremony.” HillVets is a nonprofit group which seeks to support and empower veterans to advance within their careers after their service. The organization honored Tully in Washington D.C. alongside many other veterans, including: former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, Texas governor Rick Perry, and the CEO of FedEx Frederick Smith.

Tully is currently a partner at Tully and Rinckey PLLC of Albany and works to aid veterans through his practice. He lives in Niskayuna with his wife, Kimberly and his three children: Kevin, Brendan, and Annamae.

]]>http://www.tullylegal.com/albany-ny/articles/hillvets-100-tully-accepts-high-honors-for-work-on-behalf-of-vets/feed/0Bizarre Stories: “Cost thousands of dollars” to Sue Mother for Changing last Namehttp://www.tullylegal.com/albany-ny/articles/bizarre-stories-cost-thousands-of-dollars-to-sue-mother-for-changing-last-name/
http://www.tullylegal.com/albany-ny/articles/bizarre-stories-cost-thousands-of-dollars-to-sue-mother-for-changing-last-name/#commentsWed, 30 Mar 2016 13:21:12 +0000Tully Rinckey PLLChttp://www.tullylegal.com/albany-ny/?p=21220Can I sue my mother for changing my last name? Dear Moneyologist, My family has been fragmented for at least the last three generations, creating an elaborate blend of step-everything and relationships that were seldom defined by blood. My deceased …

Can I sue my mother for changing my last name?

Dear Moneyologist,

My family has been fragmented for at least the last three generations, creating an elaborate blend of step-everything and relationships that were seldom defined by blood. My deceased grandfather — whom I loved dearly — is not my relative by blood, nor is the so-called father whose name I carry. Suffice it to say our family traditions are fragmented or non-existent.

When my mother divorced and remarried, she and my step-father changed my name and my younger brother’s to match his, creating this collection of five kids where the oldest two had one last name and the younger three had another (my parents had the youngest son together). Over the years, the older two and one of my younger brothers were excluded from our family by my parents — they were literally thrown away.

I dropped out of high school and joined the army at 17, where I remained for the next 25 years. My wife and I have been married 38 years and have done pretty well for ourselves and four kids, residing in a home larger than any in the history of our extended families. I genuinely wanted to help bring things together among my fragmented family and came up with the idea several years ago to invite everyone to our house for Christmas — my parents, my younger (step) brother, his third wife, their children, and another lovely girl from his first marriage.

I envisioned board games, talking in the kitchen, and touch football in the yard. Instead we got isolation, indifference to our home, and an absolute reluctance to follow any team-building suggestions I promoted. My wife watched me try to play the encouraging, happy host to our indifferent guests and became visibly livid. Everyone left a day early, and the period of cold shoulders began — no birthday cards, no calls. I continued to telephone after some six months and, over time, a regular pattern of communication resumed. I thought we had navigated the storm.

Three years pass, and I was at my step-father’s bedside as he slipped away. It was traumatic, but the next day it took another turn: My mother informed me that, in their will some two years prior, they had decided to leave my brother the house and that he and I could split “whatever other inheritance was left over.” She added, “That’s OK, right? Your wife said she would never live here,” she insisted. My youngest (step) brother, their natural son would inherit their estate for his family.

After 48 years pretending I was a son as well the truth was clear: I was not a son, and neither I, my wife, nor my children would enjoy a peaceful legacy or inheritance with this family.

I know from reading your column that there is nothing I can do about people’s decisions with their money and, honestly, could not accept a dime if it were offered. But the notion that they took a little boy of 12 and tattooed some stranger’s name on his forehead — watching him pass that name on to his children (even naming his firstborn after the stepfather) — and later tossing him out with his other siblings makes me sad and furious.

On the flip side of all this drama, I’m not walking away empty-handed. I now have an oddly humorous story about how “I once crafted a family reunion in hopes of establishing a Christmas tradition, and got disinherited for my trouble” and a powerful illustration for my kids on what not to do. I now insist that they will each receive their legacy regardless of what choices they make in this life.

And it makes me question: Can I contest the will and possibly sue the estate for the legal fees associated with changing my name and the names of my children and grandchildren back to my original name — a dramatic reset of sorts? Do you think this is possible? I suppose this is tremendously difficult, but I’m just about angry enough to do it. Writing this alone was helpful, though I apologize for the length.

Forrest

Dear Forrest,

I’m sorry to hear that you tried and failed to bring your family together. It sounds like your parents have had tumultuous relationships with their children and, even though you have organized Christmas and remembered people’s birthdays and been present for your parents, you have not been able to break that pattern. Your mother based her decision on something your wife said or something your mother thinks she said. She may be a very sensitive person, or perhaps someone who finds trouble where there is none. You could always say, “You misunderstood,” or, “That’s not what happened.” But, ultimately, you must abide by her decision.

Life is unfair. As I said to a reader who was unhappy with the size of his inheritance ($10,000, to be exact), try not to define your entire relationship with your parents by the amount that is left to you in their will. As hard as it is to hear, this may not be about you. It may be that your parents have a limited capacity to give and receive love, and they may think that your youngest brother needs a house most of all. I don’t know the details of your respective financial situations, but you say you live comfortably. The heavy lifting has already been done: You have built your own family without continuing these deep divisions.

The legal system is harsh when it comes to inheritance. If you weren’t formally adopted by your stepfather, you likely have no standing to contest any aspect of your stepfather’s will or its terms, says Blake Harris, an attorney at Mile High Estate Planning in Denver. But you would still have little recourse, even if he did adopt you. Why? Parents can leave whatever they want to who they want. What’s more, if you were not mentioned in the will, you were technically not disinherited, Harris says. To successfully contest a will, it must be based on a claim that the will failed to fulfill legal requirements for its proper execution or that your stepfather “lacked testamentary capacity,” he adds.

You inherited your last name from your stepfather and, because you will not inherit the family home, you want to retaliate by changing your family’s last name. Suing them in court would be costly and a fruitless task, given that your mother used a court order to give you your stepfather’s last name. (This is often done by parents in a blended family, especially when the child’s biological father is no longer around, so it’s not that unusual and you would have little grounds for being treated unfairly.) “It would cost thousands of dollars to take this case and only a few hundred dollars to change your name,” says Mathew Tully, founding partner of Tully Rinckey law firm in New York.

We are a sum of our actions and this tit-for-tat goes against everything you stand for: The importance of family. Changing your name won’t change who you are. But taking a frivolous court case would.