Tuesday, 30 April 2013

15 Second Review: Comedown (2012)

Imagine this: Kidulthood, right, but a HORROR film. Oh but wait, hasn't that been done before? Yeah, damn, Attack the Block. Never mind, no listen right, what if the film was set in a tower block, like The Raid, or Dredd or something, but a HORROR film, and right, like Kidulthood? Oh no, that's still Attack the Block. What if we take out the cool monsters - which, as you'll remember, were the best things in Attack the Block - and instead make it an ultra-generic slasher film? Yeah bruv, and then we can throw in some right vexin language right, that sounds suspiciously like someone in their mid-30s trying to sound "street" innit tho? Sick! [sucks teeth, becomes confused].

Most confusing of all is that the filmmakers try to palm off the killings on a rival gang (for about three minutes) when it is quite clear who the killer is from the outset...well, at least from the moment that the teens talk about the janitor that they ritually tormented. The dialogue is so unsubtle, they may as well have included the line "And then he was all like, you know, up in my bizness and ting, givvin it that 'I'll come back and kill you' shit, d'ya knaaa what I mean? And I was like 'pussyole'". With material this bad, I'll be shocked if there isn't outtake footage of the poor bastard that played Mr Carruthers the killer janitor shouting 'I'd have gotten away with it if it weren't for you pesky kids' or 'The Daily Mail was right! Britain is broken!'. Maybe that's why he doesn't get any lines.