Twilight Can Suck It!

Yo, Edward, Jacob, Bella … you can all suck my dick.

I watched two human-and-creatures love stories this week and had a lot of fun in both. What irks me is how people tend to compare them with Twi-fucking-light – the ugliest trash ever written. I mean … whoever likes Tw****ht should be strapped in an asylum and disowned by their parents.

Having said that, let me say something about Warm Bodies first. On the surface, it is a Romeo-and-Juliet story between a zombie and a daughter of the leader of zombie killer. That’s the outermost layer of the story that moronites will use to justify that R (Nicholas Hoult) and Julie (Teresa Palmer) equal Edward “Littlebleacheddick” Cullen and Bella “Cuntofapig” Swan. Okay, that and Teresa Palmer’s resemblance to Kristen Stewart.

Julie and R finding connection between two different worlds.

The thing is, Warm Bodies‘s actual theme of “connection” can’t be more clear. In his awesome and captivating monologue, R tells the audience at the very beginning of the movie that, “I just want to connect.” The world as he knows it has been missing the true meaning of connection since long. The last thing he remembers about people in this post-zombie-apocalypse universe was individuals being occupied with their own gadgets; handhelds, smartphones, headphones, laptops, and so on. This is shown in a flash. R’s world now revolves around an airport – the place to connect. Even there, R and his best friend M, could only connect using blank, meaningless stares and groanings. R wants more. R wants real connection. Without being interconnected, people are merely zombies.

Then Julie comes to shake R’s status quo of disconnection. Through great selection of songs, R starts to find connection with Julie. The connection blooms to reach the most powerful stage called love. This “sickness” of love is contagious but to the bonnies, or skeletal zombies, also known as the zombiests of zombies. Everybody but bonnies get influenced by Julie and R. Connection in the form of two hands holding recreates heartbeat. At the end of the day, the wall that disconnects people with each other is torn down. With no internet in that ruined world, people rediscover connection in the most generic form; from holding each other’s hands to sharing an umbrella under the rain.

So, while Tw****ht is just being a dull, brainless, and useless story of an airhead whore and her two fucked-up jungle gigolos, Warm Bodies actually sends a strong message that holding hands is still more powerful to build connection than even your most advanced handhelds.

The sweet platonic love is the first language that the werewolf boy ever learned.

The other movie that I just saw was South Korean’s A Werewolf Boy. Like The Water Horse and The Iron Giant, A Werewolf Boy successfully borrows E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial‘s storytelling template. This makes it even more different with Tw****gh. Way, way different. The platonic love story between Soon-Yi (Bo-yeong Park) and Chul-Soo (Joong-ki Song) – the wolf-boy she found inside a barn of her new house in a remote village – is told through heartwarming scenes that involve the whole family, and details that make the movie both touching and poetic. The movie might be too sappy for some, but this is classic Korean formula. The facts that A Werewolf Boy has become the third biggest hit in Korea last year, and has got US$4.2 million worldwide have proven that the formula works.

In conclusion, these movies are obviously far more superior than Stephenie Meyer’s useless trash, and whoever compares them with Tw****ht must come from the darkest alleys of Stupidopolis. So, the next time I hear or read somebody saying that Warm Bodies and A Werewolf Boy have anything to do with Tw****ht, I swear I’m gonna ….