Author: anya786

Do you look at other people who seem to enjoy their life fully? They appear to be articulate, they bloom with self- confidence and splatter their optimism everywhere they go. ‘It’s highly contagious- this optymistic attire’- you think to yourself. ‘I shall be more like them’- you contemplate. Accidentally you get to know them better and surprisingly this bubble of joyful existence bursts. The magic has ended and the reality has kicked in… but why? How?

Life is made of different elements. Hence it would be simply impossible to stay high and ecstatic all the time (unless you relied on dope- which would be harmful anyway).

People who are naturally more outgoing and carry traits of an extrovert express themselves using social opportunities. These opportunities enable them to relax and unwind. They provide healthy balance for their mental wellbeing. Unsurprisingly, an introvert happily retrievs to their sanctuary doing whatever helps…

Every step I take brings me excrutiating pain. I move my body and I experience shattered glass lodged tightly in my back. I remain active despite the pain which makes me question myself-

Am I warrior?

or

Just a stupidly stubborn person who doesn’t give up but pull through the pain.

I’ve honestly had enough being physically restricted by neverending sensation of stubbing in my back.

I also found a new respect for people who suffer from chronic conditions which are accompanied by the pain. This pregnancy has been truly a humbling experience. It’s made me realise that the feeling of being tired is nothing to complain about where there are milions of people who are limited physicaly or bed ridden.

The picture above represents me in pain caused by sciatica. It portrays the current mood, the colour of it and struggles associated with it.

You suffered from an eating disorder in the past, you successfully conquered it and moved on with your life but fell pregnant. How would you feel about your body if it started rapidly changing, if you were loosing control over your appearance and panicking about how quickly digits on a weighing scale increase in numbers. It’s a complete, utter and heartbreaking time which suppose to be filled with happy memories.

Are you being irrational?

Yes !!!

Why?

Because everyone knows that the body of an pregnant individual goes through the hormonal storm and a physical transformation. It’s a miracle and a real test of endurance for a person who suffered from an eating disorder in the past.

You are no longer in control and the lack of it puts you down and makes you feel anxious. It’s a truly complicated and tricky situation which causes so much fear and anxiety…

Body image is such a sensitive subject. You go through different stages in life and your body changes. I could compare it to a flower. When you are a baby you are like a bud then you pace through the mayhem of puberty and you begin to blossom. When you enter adulthood you are blooming with your uniqueness and personal beauty. You may bear scars and marks presented to you by the mighty existence but you are still exceptionally beautiful.

The individual perception of one’s appearance is another matter. You can be an astoundingly stunning lilly but in your own eyes you may look like a wilted and chewed by cats dandelion. You work on your body, you treat it as a temple by eating healthy and working out but….

What if you are physically restricted?

What if your body has been rapidly changing and you don’t have any control…

Dear Twats whom I may have known for a while and who reside on this beautiful and decying planet of Earth. I’ve had enough of your

parasitic,

narcissistic,

delusive

and

false

ways of interacting with other human beings. You are creatures of a betraying nature and most of all you use mental health as the main weapon of your choice. You have a beeping radar directed at people for whom mental health is extremely important. Your narcisitic nature allows you to adjust to people by getting to know them and changing your colours accordingly to their likes and deslikes. Somehow your attire is comparable to a lizard’s skin but you obviously don’t deserve this highly gracious comparison.

I would classify you as a pile of SHIT. A Pile of Shit is a person WHO changes their consistency depending on food eaten during the day.

The Pile of Shit is usually a puddle of foul content of wrongly digested edible matter. It’s like you, you devour people’s soul, you can’t digest it so you violently expel it using your anal & rectal ego and lies. When the conflict arises, you justify all your actions and behaviour blaming it on POOR SELF ESTEEM & BEING LOST.

Oh how sad !!!

Poor you, you are taken care of, carassed with self pity and when the pitty, bumpy surface of a friendship is smooth once again you repeat your offence over and over and over again.

Grey thoughts are blooming in my head like rotten apples dying in the tree. Drops of rain falling on my face keep me awake. I try to fall to sleep but I can’t because being in a coma doesn’t sound appealing to me at all. I don’t feel myself anymore. I’m just a machine who is programmed to live among other people. The last ounce of human carcass in my heart admires the nature. I’m sleepy and I’m tired. Goodnight Misery. Welcome blissful state of mind.

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A self- proclaimed empathetic female being fascinated by psychology with a pinch of art & craft. I hope that one day mental health won't be a taboo topic but a subject openly talked about. I strongly support active meditation and teachings by the Vietnamese Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh.

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Recent Posts: Mental Health SeeSaw

Do you look at other people who seem to fully enjoy their life? They appear to be articulate, they bloom with self- confidence and splatter their optimism everywhere they go. ‘It’s highly contagious- this optymistic attire’- you think to yourself. ‘I shall be more like them’- you contemplate. Accidentally, you get to know them better […]

You suffered from an eating disorder in the past, you successfully conquered it and moved on with your life but fell pregnant. How would you feel about your body if it started rapidly changing, if you were loosing control over your appearance and panicking about how quickly digits on a weighing scale increase in numbers. […]

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