Someone once said to me, that although you can walk with someone on their journey, you can never truly understand what someone else is thinking or feeling because unless you are them, you are not actually wearing their shoes.

I have taken this quite to heart over the last few years and always carry the thought with me when I am coaching, it’s very easy to think that we know what others are feeling. However it is only when we create some detachment from our emotions to their situation that we can truly help them by giving them time and space to resolve their own issues.

I have just got back from an amazing weekend of personal development at the Calvert Trust in Cumbria. The Calvert Trust are set up to support and encourage people with disabilities to tackle outdoor activities. I tried lots of activities I wouldn’t normally consider such as ghyll scrambling and kayaking, despite being physically able to do them. Most importantly I spent half a day in a wheel chair. It was great fun, wheeling around the Calvert Trust after all they are set up for wheel chair users, with lifts wherever you need one and ramps.

Of course, I knew that at any point I could get out of my chair and walk if I couldn’t get where I needed to be and what’s more when I get home to my house with its narrow front door and porch step, or need to nip down the road to the shop that is on a 15% hill, things wouldn’t be quite so easy.

Yes, I believe its given me a greater insight into the difficulties a wheelchair user might experience. Do I fully understand what it feel like? How could I?

So next time that you have to deal with someone in distress do ask yourself if you fully understand what they’re going through. The likelihood is that whilst you do have empathy you don’t know for sure.

If you’re facing life’s challenges, coaching can give you the time and space you need to find solutions. If you want to know if this could help YOU, give Carolyna call today on 07714 216388 for your free consultation to see what you could achieve.

I take quite a simple definition, its about anything that you want to change in your work, home or personal life.

It can be about:

How you react in different situations

Controlling your stress levels

Your work/life balance

Achieving your dreams

Work aspirations

Dealing with other people

How you perform a task

I could go on, although I expect you have the general idea.

Self development can take as little as 10 minutes a day. In reality, we forget in our busy lives to set aside this time for ourselves. We place a low priority on what we do for ourselves compared to helping and supporting other people.

So if you’re to make just one small change this week, allow yourself just ten minutes a day to think about what you’d like to change in your life and how you’re going to do it.

If you’re not sure where to start with your own personal development, ring Carolyn today on 07714 216388 to book your free consultation.

I’ve had a week off and come back to a pile of emails etc, its part of the course being self employed. Yet one email has caused me frustration and anger – both are negative emotions and both well within my own sphere of control.

So what do you do when frustration hits?

It takes an incredible amount of energy to stay angry. Energy that I know I would be much better off putting to other things, things that could result in a positive outcome.

I’ve tried to answer the following questions.

What do I gain from being angry?

What can I do to improve the current situation?

What would I gain if I put my energy into doing something else?

When I have the answers to these questions, it become clear where best to direct my energy.

Negative emotions can take up a huge amount of energy, give Carolyna call today on 07714 216388 for your free consultation to see what coaching could help you achieve instead.

None of us like toothache, but a visit to the dentist will result in a filling or worse still. The truth is, no matter what we do, the problem tooth isn’t going to mend itself.

So much of what we do today in our personal lives and in business is about glossing over a problem, fixing the symptom and not the cause.

Many of my clients approach me because they are struggling to lose weight, yet it is only when we start to scratch beneath the surface that the reality of the problem becomes apparent.

Reaching for food can fill a gap, caused by a plethora of realities. Do we eat because we’ve had a bad day, what caused the bad day? Have we reached for that snack because we’ve taken something that someone has said badly?

So before you reach for that bar of chocolate or hunk of cheese, ask yourself do you really want or need it? And if the answer is no, then what is causing the stress that you’re trying to ignore.

I am frequently approached by people who turn to food rather than tackle the underlying problem. If you see yourself doing this then give me a call today on 07714 216388 to how we can tackle the cause together

Its valentines day – everywhere is full of hearts and flowers and couples who are all loved up. And its lovely because it makes us think about what really matters in our life. Things tend to be a little different in the Trafford household as its Hubby’s birthday so I have to work extra hard to spoil him. On the whole I think we get the balance right.

And its balance that I wanted to talk about today. Its important when we talk about who we love to remember that we should love ‘me’ too.

How often do you take time out to really appreciate the things that you do for yourself or even make time for yourself.

So when you’ve finished with valentines day and the flowers have faded, set a date for “Love Me Day” and do something special – just for you – to appreciate you, what a wonderful person you are and to thank you for simply being you.

You’re worth it.

If you struggle to appreciate you and who you are, it could be that your self esteem is feeling a little low. Give Caro a call on 07714 216388 today to book your free consultation to see what you could do to feel “worth it” again.

We all had so many good intentions at the beginning of January, for most of us now, we’ll be finding some of those goals a bit of a challenge, especially those of us with weight loss, or ‘giving up’ type of goals. Even those of us with achievement goals, i.e. ‘I want to start a business’ may have found obstacles in the way.

So what is your biggest obstacle?

Have you ever considered the answer to that question could well be “Me”. The one thing stopping you achieving your goals could actually be you. Psychologically we do this all of the time. Those voices in your head that say “I can’t because……”, and it may be about money, or time, or family life. The truth is these are just excuses you have made up for yourself. If you truly wanted to achieve something you could, if you stepped out of the way.

SO push aside those negative thoughts and instead of thinking why you CAN’T do something. Think about all the reasons why you CAN.

If there’s something you want to achieve and your thoughts of CAN’T are taking over, give Carolyn a call today on 07714 216388 and book your free consultation. Together we’ll get you thinking CAN.

Autumn has been and gone with Christmas now just around the corner. Those lovely sunny days have faded into just memories. Darker mornings can be a struggle. Sometimes just small events can knock us off balance. It’s time to get your MOJO back.

Look inside yourself

Take a few moments out to think about what may have thrown your emotions out of kilter. Is it something that’s happened at work? or home? Its good at this point to write down your thoughts. Make a note of the facts e.g. a falling out with someone and also the emotions that go with it. Having a visual record will help you deal with it.

Spring-clean

And I’m not talking about your house. But just in the same way that you would clear out your cupboards, and hoover the carpet, you can make the choice to throw away the negative emotions. Make a deliberate choice to throw out the negative emotions and draw a line under events OR take a positive action to resolve them.

A great spring-clean leads to a trouble free mind, a sense of achievement and the buzz of a fresh start.

Do something different

Right now is a great time to make a change or do something new. A trip to the hair dressers for a new style could make a real difference to how you feel. OR try a new hobby, pick up a book for the first time in 10 yrs or try that new restaurant. Just one small change can leave you feeling refreshed.

Do Something For Pure Pleasure

Ever wanted to go fly a kite? Or skip through a wood? What’s stopping you. Perhaps the simpler pleasure that you don’t get chance to do, like taking a mid week soak in the bath – allow your mind to be free of your pressures just for 30 minutes will help you get a real focus.

My 4 tips will help you restore that smile this autumn. Keeping emotions and life balanced is important to leading a healthy and balanced lifestyle. If you need more help keeping your life in kilter perhaps coaching could help. Give Carolyn a call on 07714 216388 now to book your free taster session.

The anticipated big day arrived. All the emotions I have ever felt in my life before came to the fore. I slept surprisingly well the night before however nerves really kicked in on Thursday afternoon. No matter how much I rehearsed complete with a makeshift hairbrush microphone, nothing flowed, bits got forgotten or confused and in front of my mirror it just didn’t seem funny at all.

Time out was in order and I grabbed Ziggy the dog and took myself out for a walk. I’m a big believer that fresh air and exercise is as good for the mind as it is body. Thankfully no one saw me walking around talking to myself as my act slowly came together.

By the time I arrived at the venue my nerves subsided as I immersed myself in practicalities.

I stood tall, delivered, paced myself and the audience laughed and applauded. I walked off stage a whole foot taller than I walked on it.

So the learning from this is simple:

When something is standing in your way. Check first that it’s not you. Comedy was so far out of my comfort zone that I very nearly didn’t do it. The nerves I felt that afternoon were all “what ifs” that were all unfounded. Had I have listened to those thoughts that were telling me I couldn’t do it then I wouldn’t have made that stretch to my comfort zone that has ultimately led to a huge shift in my confidence.

Do you suffer with bouts of nerves? Does your stomach turn over at the thought of standing up and talking to people? My heart pounds too!

Last week saw the last rehearsal for the comedy night. I delivered what I felt to be a pretty good performance, well timed, confident and people laughed. I forgot one joke that’s all. A couple of adjustments based on feedback but I’m now at the stage where there is nothing more I can really do.

The only thing is – every time I think about Thursday, my stomach turns over and my heart starts pounding. So how do you make sure that these symptoms don’t get in the way of your delivery.

Accept them for what they are – our bodies are designed to react to danger, we have a flight or fight response, so acknowledge that feeling sick and racing heart beats etc are all about the adrenalin rush we get and adrenalin we know is good – right?

Don’t let these feeling get in the way. There is a simple breathing technique I use to calm the nerves and take my mind off what is happening.

Breathe in to the count of 7

Breathe out for the count of 11.

This works in two ways. Firstly concentrating on your breathing in this way focuses your mind on something other than what lies ahead of you. Secondly the longer out breath expells some of the stale air and carbon-dioxide sitting in your lungs, your body will naturally need to take in a fuller breath of clean air and lots of oxygen, critical in aiding your brain to work effectively.

Try it – it really works.

If you’re facing an uncomfortable or stressful situation, coaching provides a supportive environment in which to prepare. Call Carolyn todayon 07714 216388 to see how Reflections Coaching can help you be super-confident.

copyright Carolyn Trafford

Level 1 – Unconsciously Unskilled

(You Don’t Know that You Don’t Know)

At this level you are blissfully ignorant: You have a complete lack
of knowledge and skills in the subject in question. On top of this,
you are unaware of this lack of skill, and your confidence may
therefore far exceed your abilities.

Level 2 – Consciously Unskilled

(You Know that You Don’t Know)

At this level you find that there are skills you need to learn, and
you may be shocked to discover that there are others who are much
more competent than you. As you realize that your ability is limited,
your confidence drops. You go through an uncomfortable period as you
learn these new skills when others are much more competent and
successful than you are.

Level 3 – Consciously Skilled

(You Know that You Know)

At this level you acquire the new skills and knowledge. You put your
learning into practice and you gain confidence in carrying out the
tasks or jobs involved. You are aware of your new skills and work on
refining them.

You are still concentrating on the performance of these activities,
but as you get ever-more practice and experience, these become
increasingly automatic.

Level 4 – Unconsciously Skilled

(You Don’t Know that You Know – It Just Seems Easy!)

At this level your new skills become habits, and you perform the task
without conscious effort and with automatic ease. This is the peak of
your confidence and ability.

Level 1 – Unconsciously Unskilled

(You Don’t Know that You Don’t Know)

At this level you are blissfully ignorant: You have a complete lack
of knowledge and skills in the subject in question. On top of this,
you are unaware of this lack of skill, and your confidence may
therefore far exceed your abilities.

Level 2 – Consciously Unskilled

(You Know that You Don’t Know)

At this level you find that there are skills you need to learn, and
you may be shocked to discover that there are others who are much
more competent than you. As you realize that your ability is limited,
your confidence drops. You go through an uncomfortable period as you
learn these new skills when others are much more competent and
successful than you are.

Level 3 – Consciously Skilled

(You Know that You Know)

At this level you acquire the new skills and knowledge. You put your
learning into practice and you gain confidence in carrying out the
tasks or jobs involved. You are aware of your new skills and work on
refining them.

You are still concentrating on the performance of these activities,
but as you get ever-more practice and experience, these become
increasingly automatic.

Level 4 – Unconsciously Skilled

(You Don’t Know that You Know – It Just Seems Easy!)

At this level your new skills become habits, and you perform the task
without conscious effort and with automatic ease. This is the peak of
your confidence and ability.

In last week’s post I shared with you my thoughts on the OMG state – a state of mind where your inner voice continually tells you that you’ve made a mistake and its all going to go horribly wrong.

I met up with my fellow comedy challengers again last week. We’d all prepared some material – short comedy sketches to test on each other and I felt OK about it. But when we got to the meeting room – there was a microphone and a speaker. How can one inanimate object scare me so much. I panicked at the thought of using it. I quickly realised that this was my negative self (Frankie) trying to sabotage me. What a brilliant opportunity to practice and use the mic now rather than face it for the first time at the show.

Turning thoughts around into a positive outcome is a great technique to use when you start to panic over something.

copyright Carolyn Trafford

I’d also really worried about my material. Having stood in front of a mirror and read it out, it neither sounded funny nor was delivered in a funny style. I was really nervious when I stepped up to the Mic.

Yet I was greeted with laughter from my 14 strong audience. Loud laughter! Imagine what that will sound like with an audience of 300. And better still the feedback I received was that it was almost there. So my second learning point today is:

No matter what you say, do or in fact believe, when delivered to someone else it will be interpreted differently, gather feedback and if its positive believe it as readily as you would if it were negative.

Well I’m off to practice for this weeks meeting, I’ve added a few bits, changed a few bits and streamlined some of it, so we’ll see what this week throws at me.

Sometimes we need help, encouragement and motivation to achieve the things we are aiming for. Call Carolyn today on 07714 216388 if you need help with yours and to book your free 45 minute consultation.

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About Carolyn

Leaving behind me over 22 years in the financial services industry, I am starting my new journey as a Life Coach specialising in Mind, Body and Spirit.
Qualified Life Coach specialising in Personal Development, Well-being & Weight Management, Career, Change & Redundancy coaching, Networking, and Credibility Coaching.
Reflections Coaching has a proven record of success for personal and corporate clients dating back to 2001.
Speed Coaching, Face to Face, Online and Telephone Coaching to suit you.
Having personally experienced the power of coaching, it has changed the way I live my life and pursue my career, opening up choices and giving me the confidence to live and realise my dreams of self employment. Using my experiences I am well placed to help people deal with change, both in their personal life or with their career.
On a personal note, I live for the hills and the outdoors, and enjoy sessions at the gym, particularly Body Pump and Pilates. Equally, I am just as happy at home with friends or family, good home cooked food, a glass of wine and lots of chocolate. Life is of course a fine balancing act.
A coaching relationship is a fantastic and uplifting experience, so whatever it is in life you wish for, bring Reflections Coaching on board and together we will find a way. If you want to know more, please take your time and browse http://www.reflectionscoaching.co.uk/index.html or
contact Caro on 07714 216388 or email carolyntrafford@yahoo.co.uk