Monday, July 26, 2010

I really want to work as an actress. I really would appreciate any help you could send my way in getting that dream going soon as possible. This is what I'm meant to do, I know that in every part of me.

I want to work sixteen to eighteen hour days. I want to get up at the asscrack of dawn. I want to exhaust myself entirely and then come back and do it all again the next day. I want to be so emotionally drained that I come home and sob until I've got a headache. I want to sit in a room of friends and bury my face in a pillow every time I'm on-screen. I want to take a curtain call and get so much applause I just want to cry with happiness. I want table-reads that turn into dinners with new friends. I want to work with those people whose work I admire so much right now. I want that moment of panic when I think I'm going to forget my next line, only to already be saying it. I want to be pushed to my limit and realise that I have more I can give. I want to be invited to be a guest at Comic-Con and various other cons I'd love to go to anyway. I want to travel to a hundred places I never knew I could fall in love with. I want to work in Vancouver, Canada when the temperature is in the single digits and I have to run around just to stay warm. I want to be in the desert, pretending it's the middle of winter and sweating into my clothes. I want to be on a gag reel, messing up and laughing along with everyone else.

I want all this and a thousand other little things I can only get with my chosen career. And that's what acting is to me: a career to follow for the rest of my life. I can think of nothing else in the world I want more. Please send a little help my way, oh Mighty Thespis.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Sadly, I've been unable to do a lot of acting these past couple months. If you know me at all, you can expect me to be climbing the walls soon if something doesn't happen. I act for the same reason I write and breathe: I'd die if I didn't.

What has really helped me stave off the wall-climbing is that I have been able to see some fantastic shows, especially these past few days. Kane, as always, was rowdy and loud and perfect (even got a picture with Steve *squees*). I thought I'd sit through the show, but no, not physically possible at all. I had to get up and dance and sing along and throw up my hands. This always happens.

What did surprise me, honestly, is that last night at the Adam Lambert concert (my friend Chelsea had an extra ticket), I felt much the same. Two opening acts and then a very long pause waiting for Adam, I almost begged off. But I swore to myself that, even if my feet never forgave me, I'd stay through a few songs. Cripes, we were super close to the stage and it felt necessary to convey a sense of thanks to Chelsea. Turns out, did not need to leave because once the show started, I was In The Zone. I didn't listen to a single one of his songs, but I started singing along once I caught the choruses and dancing and throwing my hands up.

That's the thing: a great show, whether you're lucky enough to be in it or just watching it, brings out an exhilaration in me that I get nowhere else. It's the world's best kind of drug and all-natural too.

What amused me what my People's reactions to the show, which I'd like to share with you now:Jared-thought he had 'Jensen' lips and now wants glam!JensenJensen-just got jealous of how closely Jared was studying AdamDan-believes life will not be complete until he tricks/dares/seduces Casey into eyeliner (he and Jared have become a scheming sort of friendship. I sense a new Spot/Owen friendship here...Collins help us all)Curt-"Why isn't he singing one of my songs?"Arthur-"I'm sure he meant to, luv."Mimi-left Gloria with Joanne and reverted to her former, crazy self and loved it!Priestly-"I swear I was made more deaf by the teenagers than the music." "Elvis should either be proud of this guy or punch him in the face."Dean F-gave a valiant effort, but had to beg off (not used to concerts)Brian and Justin-buggered off at the start of "Strut", at least Jack and Ianto (H-J) made it halfway through the song before living for more horizonal territoryCrowley and Aziraphale- were both appalled by Adam, for reasons they didn't giveAmneris-is in love with Adma's wardrobeRoger-stole all the guitar picks I caughtMark-blinded by glitter, left earlyAngel-took notes and made notesAnthony-drooled over AdamAdam-glared at Adam, muttering, "I'm the only rock god named Adam...grr..."Gwen-secretly watched; don't tell RhysSally-shrugged and said none of the guitar players were better than GentryGentry-in awe of the substitute guitaristWash-just wondered how Adam Lambert ever existed in our worldSam and Dean W-are still mad at me for the chucepacubra (however you spell it) thing...

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

So after over ten whole days without acting, I finally did an audition tonight (once I found the place and for Pete's sake, Portland! Number your buildings conspiciously!). I did my Harper's monologue from Angels in America and then did a movement exercise with one of the directors. She had us go through it multiple times (we needed all the repetition we could get!) and then perform it twice for her. Then the other director came in and had two of the girls do an improvised scene. We finally we given an element (mine was Water) to give movement to.

I think I did very well with my monologue, used up the frustration of getting there and channeled it into Harper. The movement went okay, although I think I was off-beat a bit. My representation of Water was silly and definitely the first thing that came to my head. The only thing that saddened me was that I didn't get to do the improv. It seemed like a meaty scene and I felt more could have been done with it, but alas...

Still, it felt good to act and to be choreographed again. Revived my love for my job at the minute I needed it most!

Saturday, July 10, 2010

So, Portland Farmer's Market for the first time today and I just have to say:

*can't say anything, as if busy shoving face full of sweet cherries*

Brought $20, managed (somehow) to make it out of there for less than that. Granted $.80 less than that, but whatever.

Procured:1. Cherry/strawberry/lavender (they put lavender in EVERYTHING, I swear!) jam that tastes like everything I love in a jam. All I need to do is spread it on some chocolate and I'm pretty sure I can have a food-gasm. -$6.502. Three very tiny, little sandwich cookies that are the cutest, yummiest things ever! Swear I'm buying a dozen next time! -$2.253. Pint of strawberries. Walked the entire thing, but I finally found the cheapest pints with the biggest strawberries-$2.504. Half a pound of sweet cherries that I shoveled into a bag and then into my mouth and am hiding in the kitchen so I won't devour them all (p.s. they'll be gone by tonight, I'm sure)-$2.955. Yummy-smelling (it's over there waiting for it to be lunchtime) Italian sausage sandwich with onions and peppers. -$5.00Total of $19.20

But so nummy! I am going to be budgeting this $20 into my groceries every week, obviously!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

So, I think I'm finally settled in here. As settled as I can be until my furniture and stuff from Florida arrives anyway.

Now begins the work of...getting work. I'm signed up with the extras company, so hopefully something in there will come to fruition. Also, checking the Call Board to see if there's any (hopefully paying) work going. I've put in my applications online to a couple local places and all I can really do now is hope that something happens...somewhere...and someone pays me to do something I'd like to do.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Now, maybe the person who coined that phrase had a just reason to say so. but in my case, it's all total bull. I've already met Anthony Rapp (several times) and found him to be a thoughtful, sweet, doll of a man.Well today I had another dream come true. I met Wil Wheaton. Wil Wheaton was my first love (along with Jonathan Taylor Thomas) and for me to meet him, to look at him in the pale, scrawny flesh and manage to make sentences happen was amazing. I told him I was an actor and writer and that he was an inspiration to me. I neglected to mention he's been my hero for...well, ever (I sent him a twitter message to correct this oversight). He seemed genuinely interested in knowing what I write and encouraged me to keep at it. I got a picture *points down* with him and I could barely breathe. My hand is still slightly shaky.

That's the kind of actor I want to be. Someone who can walk down the street anonymously (as he did, heading to the MAX line), but can still find that loyal band of fans who think you're the bees knees. I don't want to make millions every film or be on the cover of fashion magazines; I want to be a guest at cons I'd want to go to anyway and work with these amazing people I already so love and admire. Like Wil Wheaton. He's my hero, simple as that. And meeting him? Was totally awesome!

Sunday, July 4, 2010

So, I am pretty settled into my Portland apartment now. Portland, Oregon...I just never expected to end up here. By that same token, I never expected to end up going to college in St. Augustine, FL but that was a fantastic experience I wouldn't trade for the chance to meet Wil Wheaton. Which I will do. Tomorrow. I think I officially love Portland.

There's times like this that I think of that Garth Brooks song: "Unanswered Prayers". I think, *looks around at her own apartment, living alone for the first time ever* this may just be fantastic, my lieblings. It might maybe may, indeed.