As we get ready for a job interview, first date, or public speech, we often hear the advice, “Just be yourself.” But, as Adam Grant, Wharton professor and author of Originals: How Non-Conformists Change the World, points out, no one wants to hear your every unedited thought, and we can pay a price for being “too authentic.”

How much you aim for authenticity depends on a personality trait called self-monitoring. High self-monitors constantly scan their environment for social cues and adjust their communication. They dislike social awkwardness and want to avoid giving offense. Low self-monitors are guided by their inner states, regardless of circumstances. (In one intriguing study, when a steak was served, high self-monitors tasted it before adding salt, whereas low self-monitors salted it first.)

In the workplace, high self-monitors advance more quickly and earn higher status, in part because they’re more concerned about their reputations. And while that would seem to reward “phonies”, these high self-monitors spend more time discerning what others need and helping them get it. In a comprehensive analysis of 136 studies of more than 23,000 employees, high self-monitors received much higher evaluations and were more likely to rise to leadership.

We want to hear: Do you consider yourself a high or low self-monitor? Can you offer an example of the ways in which you successfully monitor what you communicate to others? To join the conversation, click "comments" on our Community of Practice Forum.

There is a stencil on my "nest room" which reads: Be yourself and be it real good. It came from the obituary of a 104 year old woman. Thar was her secret for a long, fulfilling life. I say: First we have to decide what we want to be and then be it real good. I think I am a self monitor.

Reply

susan

7/5/2016 10:38:02 am

Thanks for checking in again, Sally. Incredible that a 104 year old attibutes longevity to "being yourself -- real good." Even though we believe that there are many selves that each of us has, in the end there is likely a core running through them all. BTW: Just heard an interview with Norman Lear at the age of 93 and he attributes his longevity to 2 words: 'over' and 'next' meaning once an event is over he no longer ruminates about it but instead is on to the next event. We also remember something you told us long ago, Sally: When you have worried about something that resolves itself, you commit to spending as much time in gratitude as you did in worry. That has stayed with us!