and I’m checking my single mama Christmas list. Mine looks a bit different to Santa’s version:

Last minute, hope this will do presents for my kids – tick
Chocolates bought at service station for relatives – tick
Happy face on when kids buy you same cheap present as last year – tick
Fight with siblings – tick
Feeling abnormal – tick
Dysfunctional family – tick
Underwhelmed by lack of French champagne and luxury goods – tick
Forgot my own present – tick
Can’t drink alcohol because I’m driving all over town – tick
Smile for my mother even though I really hate eating ham – tick
Not feeling very relaxed because I’m holding the fort – tick
Dream bubble above my head of me with a hottie on a Caribbean beach instead of being stuck in a hot house – tick
Sending cards to all the family and friends I forgot about on Boxing Day – tick

On the first day of Christmas my true friend gave to me
Twelve tall tales
Eleven nasty rumours
Ten bottles of wine
Nine pickled possums
Eight golden beers
Seven pieces of advice
Six out of reach dreams
Five onion rings
Four nudie runs
Three glaring reminders
Two thwarted ambitions
And an old friend laughing like a drain