WWE, 2003

Hair is serious business the world over, even for men, and even for wrestlers. Don’t believe me? Look at all the hair vs. hair matches over the years in WWE:

Kurt Angle vs. Edge…

…Eric Bischoff vs. Eugene…

…the Vince vs. Donald Trump “Battle of the Billionaires”…

…and let’s not forget about the time CM Punk wagered his greasy locks against Rey Misterio’s continued drug and alcohol abuse (or something).

It’s not just in the storylines that hair is a big deal to the Superstars; Frankie Kazarian left his job with WWE rather than get a shorter ‘do, while the entire Un-Americans faction was disbanded as punishment for Christian and Test refusing to get haircuts (haircuts they both got anyway a few months later).

And of course there’s the famously bald Hulk Hogan, who not only got Hasbro to hide that fact on his action figures…

…but left WCW after Vince Russo called him bald in a shoot interview on pay-per-view.

So when Chris Jericho and Kevin Nash started feuding in 2003, it seemed like a big escalation when Jericho challenged Nash to a hair match out of the blue. After all, they had only been feuding a few weeks over something pretty unimportant that I can’t be bothered to look up because it happened on 2003 Raw. My guess is either their opinions on the Iraq War or who would job to Triple H next.

The next week, Jericho tried to weasel out of the stipulation match, claiming that he himself would only be putting up his facial hair against Nash’s mane. See, Y2J had already shaved off his goatee months earlier, so this new development made a mockery of the hair vs. hair stipulation, which was of course the joke… this time.

Nash had no time for such nonsense, though, having his own nonsense to present to Jericho in the form of high-larious Photoshopped images that are now John Cena’s trademark. Kevin showed what Jericho might look like with, say, a Master Blaster haircut…

…or, as Nash preferred, completely bald.

He then threatened to shave Jericho’s head right then and there if Jericho didn’t agree to a legit hair vs. hair match. Got that? Someone would be shaved bald the next week on Raw, no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

On the next Raw, Nash demonstrated how proud he was of his mane by showing up to the match with his hair bleached and poofed out like Father Time’s Samoyed dog.

Mischief ensued, however, and Jericho ended up winning thanks to some underhanded tactics. This looked like big trouble for Nash, who was about to get shorn all the way to his scalp.

But Jericho, who had relished in the idea of shaving Nash bald, instead merely took the clippers and gave Big Sexy a quick trim.

Nash, in turn, sold it like a grumpy child getting his first hair cut.

So instead of being “shaved bald,” Nash suffered the indignity of getting his hair cut like a normal person. It appeared that Big Sexy simply couldn’t man up and do what WOW: Women of Wrestling’s Ice Cold had already done, and what Molly Holly and Roxxi Laveaux would do in the future.

Compare Big Daddy Cool’s cut to these legit chrome domes…

…and Nash’s post-match haircut sticks out like a torn quad.

Nash spent the rest of his WWE career (all six days of it) with a decidedly un-shaved head, and neither Jericho nor the announcers gave him any grief for clearly violating the agreed-upon stipulation.

It turned out, the minor hair-trimming incident was just an excuse for Kevin Nash to cut his hair for his role in the film, The Punisher.

And yeah, that’s a pretty pathetic reason to renege on a promise to the fans that the loser would get his head shaved, but it could have been worse:

Imagine what he’d have to shave had he been preparing for Magic Mike, instead.

A wrestling fan ever since the days of Wrestlemania IX, Art graduated from college in the same building where Art Donovan called King of the Ring 1994. He also runs the "How Much Does This Guy Weigh?" blog, where he reviews New Generation-Era Monday Night Raws. Follow him on Twitter @Art0Donnell.
Email at: art@wrestlecrap.com

Gotta say, this was a pretty weak induction Art. So Kevin Nash wasn’t shaved completely bald and the angle was just an excuse for Nash to have short hair for his role in “The Punisher”? IMO, it was no different than the night after WM17 when WWE did an injury angle with the Rock where Steve Austin and Triple H beat him bloody inside a steel cage and he took time off to heal, even though everyone knew he was off shooting “The Scorpion King”. Another thing, when’s the last time any type of stipulation placed on a match truly stuck? How many suspensions, retirements, and firings were actually enforced over the long term?

I believe it was in World Class Championship Wrestling that Gary Hart lost a hair match and not only got his hair cut but agreed to stay bald forever. And through the grace of the heavens above he was able to stay bald forever.

Sorry, but “other things exist” is not a valid defence. It doesn’t prevent this from being Wrestlecrap, it just means that the other examples are also Wrestlecrap. And what’s wrong with the Rock example? You can’t compare the two. The Rock had a built-in storyline excuse to leave. Nash just got a haircut then disappeared. One’s effective storytelling, the other’s a bait and switch.

I’ve got no problem with constructive criticism but yours is fallacious nonsense. This is clearly not one of Art’s marquee inductions but not every week has to bring one. It’s called variety.

I don’t see how he felt he was “misused” by the WWE. He never lost a match while in WWE. I am thinking that he was impatient and wanted the big push right away and quit when he didn’t get pushed right away.

Nice reference to the Hulk Hasbro’s. They could’ve easily just done an angle where Jericho attacks Nash and cuts his hair, instead of lying about the loser having their head shaved, only for Nash to have a pretty normal haircut. Not the most crappy, but it was stupid, a cop-out, and did nothing for anyone (except give Nash a nice haircut for a stupid movie role no one would remember anyway)

One have to agree that this isn’t an absolute piece of wrestlecrap if only for the facts that 1. it was extremely brief and 2. it gave Jericho a win over Nash and given the WCW history between the two that’s something in and of itself (P.S. also just going to say I am something of a Nash mark so maybe it offends me less to watch his angles)

thanks Gunner, BTW if you really want to point to useless stipulations try summerslam 97 every Hart foundation match has a stip and to my knowledge not one of them was followed up on (except maybe Pillman in a dress but I wasn’t watching at the time so don’t quote me) also Can’t forget to mention that Kaz shaved his head clean for TNA lol

Speaking of hair vs. hair matches that didn’t follow through on its promise, how about the Jeff Jarrett vs. X-Pac match from Summerslam 1998? Double J lost the match, and instead of getting shaved bald, he got a respectable haircut instead!

I would say this is crap. The only defense I can see for Kevin Nash is that he was a face. The completely bald shaven look usually only works on heels to get a laugh out of the crowd. As a face, you would think it would get sympathy, but wrestling fans aren’t exactly known for that, especially when it comes to ol’ Big Daddy Cool. So his short haircut doesn’t bother me too much. The rest of it though was just lame.

Not dumping on you. I was just saying that it is supposed to be spelled with a y. Some people don’t know the correct way it is spelled because it is usually spelled different based on your location (ie the people who spell Sheamus as Seamus). Wasn’t trying to be a grammar Nazi.

I can completely understand Hulk Hogan being sensitive about going bald and not wanting his action figures to be bald, but it’s weird that he then wrestled bald in public and yet filed the lawsuit when Vince Russo called him bald. I mean, I can see being offended that Russo would call attention to it, but is it defamation?

In Jericho’s book he mentions how Nash went for that dye job to convince people, he had gone to all the trouble to dye it, so he couldn’t possibly be losing. Jericho remarked he dyed it such a brutal shade there was no way he couldn’t cut it.