In truth all of us are sinners, and it is only from Allah’s mercy upon us that He is "As-Sitteer" - the One who veils our faults and our flaws, and makes us seem better than we really are in others’ eyes...

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Sometimes, people can go missing right before your very eyes. Sometimes, people discover you, even though they’ve been looking at you the entire time. Sometimes, we loose sight of ourselves when we’re not paying enough attention.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

I always think that I don't have enough to give to the society as a whole. I always ask myself, what's the point of me doing this, doing that, if all it does is bring about emptiness to an already confused and chaotic world?

Sometimes I wonder, the times I used to blog, is it just a waste of creative energy and spirit down the drain? Can a short paragraph of incoherent thoughts be of such significant to a universe that is already full of trash?

And then I stumbled upon an angel of great tidings (a friend, in simpler terms =P) who came up with such an exquisite form of logic that I almost hit my self on the head for not coming up with it first!

"If we let a space be, ultimately it will be filled by some good elements and some bad ones. So, if we want the good elements to dominate and prevail, then we should fill and fill and fill the space with so much goodness until there is no space left at all for badness to trample on. Betul tak?" -quote-

I think I almost kissed her that time. Well I did say almost. So, I urge everyone on this small earth to blog and blog about everything that is good and noble and pure for the heart and soul to nourish on. May our blogging be counted as Ibadah, an act of worship to the Almighty.

Anyway, that aside, I bought 3 books just now in MPH Midvalley. It was actually a "buka puasa" excursion with some of my old-time friends from school. I went hunting for new books while they were observing the second pillar of Islam - I'm on leave by the way, for those who're wondering. I really hope it was a good buy.

Sometimes, when you think you've become a better person, something happens to remind you that there is always improvement to be made in every nook and cranny. Life is always a surprise. God works in mysterious ways. Never look down on people, you never know when they're going to teach you a lesson.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Buat pertama kali kita, rakyat malaysia, dikejutkan dengan kisah pembunuhan seksual terancang seorang kanak-kanak yang tidak bersalah. Please read this article by Ustaz Hasrizal to get my perspective on this case. You will understand the real depth of terror and dread of Nurin's aftermath. Be reminded, JUDGEMENT DAY is TRUE. And no one can run away from it. Sedarlah umat manusia. A reminder for myself. =(

Buat ibu-ibu dan bakal ibu-ibu di luar sana, let us observe, listen and learn. Our children might and may have been Nurin..

Ya Allah, build in me my faith, my convictions towards the truth and my confidence in You. Help me to be a good Muslim so that I can become a good mother one day. And may my children be given the chance to feel the sweetness of Iman and the serenity of Islam. Amin.

Yours truly,

A Muslim, a daughter, a sister, a student, a future wife, a future daughter-in-law, a future MOTHER.

Person A was a makcik in ward 7B. Nak cerita panjang-panjang pun takut orang yang baca (if ada lagi lah orang yang baca blog saya ni, hehhe) nanti pening pulak kan. So to make it short, let's just say she was previously reported to have a case of major depression. Of course this time she was admitted due to an acute exacerbated asthma attack but after clerking her, I found out that the underlying cause or we might as well call it the trigger factor for her current attack was due to an extremely high stress level.

Just a quick history, she used to own her restaurant but last August 2006, she experienced a big business downfall and to top it up, she divorced her husband just a week after. Last week was the anniversary of her separation. She has four kids but the eldest, a 28 year old boy has been creating problems and now she is also estranged from her four kids. She lives alone with no one to talk to. She is a smoker. I advice her to stop. And guess what? She started crying her heart out telling me that she only has the cigarette as her best friend, "someone" she can talk to that won't hurt her or betray her like her husband did.

She trusts no one she said and she has been keeping her problems all to herself because she has no one. Jadi saya pun comfort lah dia. Saya kata, "But you have Allah kan?". She said she always prayed for Allah to give her strength and hidayah, she had never done any bad things to anyone, but still she gets all the bad things in life. She even tried to kill herself once. Astagfirullah. But Alhamdulillah she gained back her perspective in life after that. However, it was sad when I found out that she only resorted to becoming a workaholic so she won't have to think of her depression. Ni bukan menyelesaikan masalah ni, ni melarikan diri dari masalah! Huhu. Tapi tu saya cakap kat diri sendiri je lah. Hehhe.

But anyway, since I had something else important to do at that time, I exchanged phone numbers with her and asked her to call me anytime she needs someone to talk to. I'm not sure if my act is considered a threat or not to the professionalism and ethics of a doctor that is to not get emotional involve with a patient, but wuddeheck! She is after all a human being with a heart too.

So, petang tadi bila dah free pergi lah hospital balik, nak check on the patient. Hehhe. Dari jauh dia nampak muke saya, a big big smile automatically appeared on her face. And I swear, at that particular moment in time, nothing is worth better than that. =)Person B was a makcik who works in the cafe of my college. Well, yang ni I didn't do anything much. Walking back from Hospital Serdang, I usually stop at the cafe to buy nasi putih and 2 types of lauk but I don't like the fried mixed veggies they sell so I always asked for fresh salads, timun and carrots all uncooked, from this makcik yang jaga bahagian jual nasi ayam. Sebelum ni bila minta just senyum and cakap terima kasih je lah. But today somehow, bulan yang mulia, alhamdulillah saya tergerak hati nak tanya dia namanya. Sambil dia sebut her name "Kak Mina", she smiled. How beautiful her smile was! Hehhe. Well, that was it basically. But when I was walking back to my room just now from the cafe, I skipped a merry cheery beat. Because I am happy.

Thank you Allah. For making my day. =)

“No one of you (truly) believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.”

Thursday, September 06, 2007

As our boxes, our hearts and our trust in God open up; we are faced with new challenges. We meet those with different cultures, lives, dreams and views. We meet those who are reluctant to feel the earth, taste the rain and lean naturally to the sun, growing to the light of God’s mercy. As we share this road of life, shall we not share the gift of hope in the way it was shared by the Prophets of the past with their people?

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

There was a time when life was so simple. There was a time when I can only think of myself and never grieve over the sad plight of the world. There was a time when my mind was free from the torment of humanity's collapsing civilization. There was a time...

In the instance where the heart and mind meets the soul, I am scourged.

Happiness takes no meaning when everything that was once the centre of your life becomes pale in comparison to the Centre of being. The Beginning of the beginning. The End of the end. Yet despite the realization of truth, despite the snap of reality that was given by the power that be, running away from perfection seems a much more compelling choice than being stuck between what one desires and the burden of duty that one carries. Desire over duty?

Have you ever felt like drowning in a sea of storms and raging oceans? You gasp for a gulp of air to fill your suffocating lungs. For just a second too short you get a whiff, and then chunks of waves pushes you down, gravity adding to the strength of the haul rendering you breathless all over again. It goes on and on and on, until a time comes when you feel that everything, anything you do will only drown you deeper and deeper into the deep dark waters below. Will you give up? Can you give up? And IF you give up, what happens then?

But then again, life is never a metaphor.

May Allah provide us with strength to fight the plunges of waves of this life so that one day, we may be able to take a whiff of paradise. Amin.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Dont fret about your affairs, leave it in His hands.Do you think if He wants it for you, anyone can stop it?Or if He doesnt want it for you anyone can grant it?Dont look to anyone for your needs.For the One who created you, knows you.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Ok, sometimes we have the tendency to do weird things at weird times. So, this is my time. Bits and pieces of it are true. But in the end, Allah knows me best. Toodles for now! =D

You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this worldSo much so that you tend to live in your head most of the timeYou have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all...But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult

You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you.Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses.Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others.Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life.

Even without ever meeting us, we still matter to him. Even with all the sins we commit, he still loves us. Even facing death, he still remembers each and everyone of us. Let not the pleasures of the world be a reason for us to disappoint him. Peace and blessings be upon him, Rasulullah, guide and example to the entire world.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Hello!! Hello people!! How's life going on? Hope you're in the best of health always, insyaAllah. It has been hectic this past 2,3 weeks filled with medical journals, report-writing, referencing (if you've done a thesis before, you'll know how HARD this is!), birthday-present-shopping, chapter editting, abstract constructing, scientific write-ups and living. Hah. I hope you feel suffocated enough just by reading that long list of things to do (note: almost done) cause it did almost actually strangled me. But anyway, enough exaggerations on my life, all is well for now. Don't you guys worry about me! Hehhe. Perasan tu orang risaukan saya.

Albeit the fact that I only just hyperbolized how hectic my life was, I'd like to admit that I managed to squeeze almost 2 hours of a movie last Friday into the chaos. I watched The Freedom Writers. Honestly, I was truly inspired!! I'm not going to elaborate on the technical aspects like who starred or how much the budget for the movie was or was the director famous or not or whether the movie actually hit box office. I have focused rather on the ideals of the movie itself. Oh, just so you'd know, this movie was based on a true story. Go google: The Freedom Writers.

A short summary on the movie; Erin Gruwell began teaching English at Wilson High School in California. Her students lived in a city that was racially divided, and her classroom reflected those divisions. Gruwell’s classroom, Room 203, had been a type of dumping ground for students with academic and disciplinary problems. In short, they were all children who were left behind. Her students knew the cost of gang violence and other social ills first hand, and Gruwell was able to reach them by finding literature that her students could relate to. Books like Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl and Zlata’s Diary: A Child’s Life in Sarajevo showed her students that there are other youngsters who had grown up in war zones and had faced similar prejudices. Her pupils, despite the system’s low expectations for them, eventually made it to college.

**

Alright peeps, so, this is me trying to imitate a professional movie critic:

Notion 1 - Despite the propaganda of the American Goverment trying to act like "leader" (yeah right!) of the free world and fighting against terrorism, their own people are living in terror against interracial gang warfare and racism. Rather than channelling resources into solving internal racial tensions and gang violance they waste money and man-force to a fabricated war against a so called group of terrorists. Perhap the Bush administration should really be thrown into the bushes.

Notion 2 - The Holocaust was hyped to an extra extra larger scale than it really was. No, I'm definitely not advocating at all what the Nazis did during the period of WWII. What they did was a blatant disregard and sheer disrespect to the dignity of the human race the world over. However, it should also be noted that the Roma, Soviet prisoner-of-wars, disabled people, political prisoners and several other groups of people were also slain, NOT JUST the Jews. So, for them to tune the limelight onto themselves merely for the sake of getting support to ambush and take hold of the Palestinian land is an act that should be annihilated and annuled by anyone who honestly have a right mind! What they are doing now is EXACTLY what have been done onto them once upon a time, a deed that they themselves strived to fight against. And whatever did the people of Palestine do to deserve such a punishment? (er.. punished for what anyway?)

Notion 3 - If you haven't read The Diary of Anne Frank.. well you should go and buy and read it at once! The mind of an inquisitive 13-year-old girl can really provide you with lessons of life (nevermind that she was a Jew, lessons are still lessons regardless of source) that will amaze even an intelligent full-grown adult . Believe me. Read this book.

Notion 4 - One should take into citation what Miep Gies (the Austrian woman who helped to hide the Frank family during the reign of the Nazis at the expanse of her own life) said in the movie, the scene goes as follows;

One of the students says to her, “I’ve never had a hero before, but you are my hero.”

Her answer is, “No, no, young man. No, I am not a hero. I did what I had to do because it was the right thing to do. That is all. No, we are all ordinary people, but even an ordinary secretary, or housewife, or teenager can, within their own small ways, turn on a small light in a dark room. Yeah? I have read your letters and your teacher has been telling me many things about your experiences. You are the heroes. You are heroes every day.”

But one should also remember that to DO the RIGHT thing, you first have to know what's right and what's wrong. Thus, it is crucial to make sure your goal in life is true to your believes and that you are on the right path, always and I repeat, ALWAYS.

**

Right. So, there it is, my thoughts during and after the movie. Some of it are facts, some of it are purely my humble musings. You may or may not acknowledge it, I give you that right. But I hope that it had at least triggered that gray matter of yours (note: to whoever is reading this lah, hehhe) to always see beyond face value and er... to go see this movie!!! Hehehehe. =P

Monday, June 11, 2007

"O’ Allah, Dear Love, Soothe burning hearts with the coolness of faith,Give peaceful slumber to the restless,And serenity to disturbed souls,Guide the confused ones to Your light,And those that are astray to Your guidance,Remove evil whispers from our hearts,And replace them with light,Destroy falsehood with truth,Crush the evil plots of the DevilWith Your Army of Angels,Remove from us misery, affliction, and anxiety

Saturday, June 02, 2007

When I look outside right into the depth of Nature and God, then I was happy, really happy. So long as I have that happiness here, the joy in nature, health and a lot more besides, all the while one has that, one can always recapture happiness. Riches can be lost, but then happiness in your own heart can only be veiled, and it will still bring you happiness again, as long as you live. As long as you can look fearlessly up into the heavens, as long as you know you are pure within, then you will still find happiness.

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Easy peasy lemon squesy. *wheeeeeeeee* Hehhe. Let us start our engines now (for those who have not yet started) and enter gear 1. May we have the chance to reach the highest gear, before the fuel tank's empty. Slow and steady.. but always moving forward towards the final destination.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

We often fear of that that we do not know of. That phrase should be given extra merit for the accuracy of correctness it brings with it.

Once upon a time, I used to cringe when I hear the word da'wah. Once upon a time, to me at least, that word was a word equivelant to extremist trying to shove their believes down your throat. It was a word to be scared of. Perhaps there are some grains of truth in what I thought at that time base on what I saw (and that would bring a whole new story to it).

Thus, when I found out the real meaning of da'wah, I was dumbfounded. Dak'wah is actually the arabic word for invite. All this while I was afraid of a harmless word! It might have been very amusing if not for the fact that it was actually an obligation to all Muslims.

"Invite (all) to the Way of thy Lord with wisdom and beautiful preaching; and argue with them in ways that are best and most gracious: for thy Lord knoweth best, who have strayed from His Path, and who receive guidance." .:Sura An-Nahl 16:125:.

An excerpt from wikipedia - Da'wah, from the Islamic perspective, is an open and general act of informing others about the message of Islam by carrying it, living it, and making it available to others through all positive and engaging means. It is not the mere act of telling someone about Islam, although dialogue, discussion, presentations, etc. are a part of dawah. It is the steady engagement of living the message, exemplifying the behaviors and providing answers and material when necessary.

Which is very true indeed.

To some people, dakwah might be a very hard thing to carry out. But then it comes back to how you interpret the word itself. And how you understand what Islam really is about. Islam is a religion of goodness, of beauty, of truth, of peace. So whatever that is good is Islam in essence, regardless of its roots.

When you help a friend study - that is Islam. When you tell your brother you love him - that is Islam. When you cook for your family - that is Islam. When you feed your baby - that is Islam. When you pick up a nail in the middle of the road so that other people won't be harmed by it - that is Islam. When you maintain a clean surrounding of your cubicle at the office, or your table in your room, or your car - that is Islam. When write an article, a lyric, a blog entry and people is inspired and enlightened by what you wrote - that is Islam. When you treat a patient - that is Islam. When you say something, anything at all that can make a person smile - that is Islam.

No matter how small the act is, as long as it is good and it is correct, it is Islam. And... *surprise*surprise* those acts are also considered as da'wah! This is because it shows to those around you how beautiful Islam is. See how easy it is to practice da'wah?

Monday, May 21, 2007

Seek knowledge.Seeking it purely for Allah's sake is fearing Him; Pursuing it is worshipping Him;Discussing it is remembering Him;Searching for it is Jihad;Imparting it to others is charity;And spending it for the benefit of the family is affinity.

All this is because knowledge is the borderlineBetween the lawful and the unlawful;The light to the inroads to heaven;The friend in isolation; The companion in travel,The person to discuss with in solitude,The guide in happiness and sorrow;Bringer of peace to the enemy, And an ornament to the intimate friend.

With the power of knowledge;Allah raises a people and makes them leaders of virtuesTheir footsteps and deeds are imitatedAnd people conclude with their opinionsThe angels show anxiousness in their friendshipAnd spread their wings for them

Every animate and inanimate prays for their salvation;The fish and creatures in the sea,The animals and beasts on the land,All ask for repentance for the learned.

This is so because knowledge is equivalent to praying through the night. Knowledge brings one closer to his relative and verses him with the facts of the lawful and the unlawful. Knowledge remains the leader while actions remain the followers. It inspires the fortunate and deprives the wicked.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Tranquility.. felt in the midst of serene surroundings and amicable friends.

Last weekend, under the ambiguous watchful eyes of the rustling trees and the cool melody of the flowing stream of Sungai Tekala, 30 souls from two very different academic institution and various fields were brought together to delight in the magnificient beauty of God's creation.

Ta'aruf session

Islam is the way of life. A theme that brings with it such a deeply profound meaning, yet can only be comprehended by those whose heart is opened to see beyond what can only be accepted by the logical mind.

Ensembling our tent with my groupmates

The silent strong pact that was made between hearts and souls can only be aprised by those engaged in the circle itself.

A picture paints a thousand words, they say. May the pictures above and below paint what is indescribable even by a million words. This blogger is penning off for now. Have a good day readers!

Jungle trekking: going up!

Jungle trekking: going down...

The base of a gigantic tree which engulfed almost half of the group. It's soaring bulky trunk below.

Background: Waterfall of Sungai Tekala

Left: This blogger with the son of a senior naqibah (leader). She's doing her Masters. Despite working, busy with studies and being married with a kid, she still allocates time to be in the company of people that reminds her of the Oft-loving and Most Merciful. Bestowed me with a new perspective in life, I must say. =)

Right: Meals on a tray in accordance with the sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h.)

With humbleness, we prostrate before You. Grant us calmness in calamity. Joy behind troubles.

Hope above despair. Amin.

The strongest bond of faith is when we meet, we get to know,we love and we depart... because of Allah.Kekalkan kemesraan antara hati-hati ini, Ya Allah.

People dont get your jokes but other medic students roll over laughing!

You openly talk about some things that might be inappropriate at inappropriate times and it doesn't bother you and your colleague-friends

You laugh about the diagnosis on you that your friends make after a lecture until you start to wonder if it's true.

You talk about medicine and your engineer sister/brother/friend doesnt understand a word you're saying under those medical terms.

You watch ER , Strong Medicine, Scrubs, House, Grey's etc and you start to hear the medical cases, diagnosis and treatment very intently so as not to miss a word (heck you even discuss them with your friends, in between the plot- dont tell me you dont!!)

You diagnosed yourself after a couple of lectures on Cushing's Syndrome and you went to meet the lecturer right after only to be confirmed of your worries, but it turned out you have PCOS since they have the same clinical ceatures (it happened to on of my classmates!)

Why do you think they call it madmedschool anyway. List is open for extension. Knock yourselves out. ;)

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

There were always in me, two women at least,one woman desperate and bewildered,who felt she was drowning and another whowould leap into a scene, as upon a stage,conceal her true emotions because theywere weaknesses, helplessness, despair,and present to the world only a smile,an eagerness, curiosity, enthusiasm, interest.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

It has been almost 9 years of a head-splitting relationship. But I can never ask for a more splendid sidekick. *hugs*

Mama: the momma of the house.

Your guts can be quite an intimidation to others. It annoys me. It makes it all the more easier to adore you. *wink*

Munie: the jolly-good-fella.

Your insight sometimes suprises me. Your smile and laughter is infectious. And dude, I have to say this, you do have a sexy bod. Ngahahaha. =P

Uya: the goody-two-shoes.

True to her description, uya is a girl with the biggest heart I have ever known. Sometimes girl, you think too much of others, you forget to think of yourself. But there are times... well that you can refer to her roomie. I rest my case. Hehhe. (",)

Mimi: the sweetest one of all aka my roomie.

The person who sat beside me and listened to my ugly ugly thoughts, and still love me the same. This is that someone who said "Tell me everything. No matter what you tell me, I won't change my view of you I promise. Because --- is not my friend. You are," and gave me the courage to stand up to my beliefs. Thank you. =)

Wanny: the make up artist.

The beauty queen of the house. There's a slight drawback though, she's immune to slapsticks to the point where the others sometimes feel like strangling her. Muahahaha. =P

Monday, April 16, 2007

I wish! Well, it is a white mp3 player with a 1G space of memory. But sadly, it is NOT an iPod shuffle. Hehhe. I wanted to post a picture of my new baby but I can't find any on the net and my mum who's in London right now is having fun with my digital camera. So I guess you have to improvise your imagination of this iPod into my new mp3 player.

Yeah, yeah. I have to put this into writing: the player (I mean the real one) is courtesy of my ever dearest dad. Thank you Abah. Love you. *smooches*

Now, I have a decoder to help me memorize scribes, something to listen to when I'm bored and a companion to keep me company. What a gain!

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Have you ever wished that you have the ability to read people's mind. Because then everytime you have to confront them, you don't have to waste half your time guessing what they're thinking and the other half anticipating what they think of you. But then again why care about what people think of you when it doesn't bring any benediction to the profound greatness of your life?

But wait.

What is it about people that makes it so hard to capture their very essence. To penetrate into the deepest thoughts that linger in their very own ingenuity? To discern between their truest emotions and their incapicated feelings; which they thrust upon your very being that you often allow yourself to indulge in them until it's too late for you to realize that it is not really what they feel inside.

Think about it.

How many times have you misunderstood a friend's harmless jesting gesture as a stab at your own inadequacy? How many times have a child's mess you regard as a test to your supreme serenity when in fact with the purest of heart all the child wanted to do was help? Remember the countless times you thought your parents were wrong and they were indeed right all along? What about the inconsistent thoughts that your brother might be a serial killer because he likes to bully you when in reality he just doesn't have the capability to relate his inner self to those he loves most? Ok, I might be overdoing that last point.

But still.

So please, the next time you're pissed.. stop and think what it's all really about before you bash someone's head off.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

"And He provides for him sources he never could imagine.And if anyone puts his trust in Allah, sufficient is Allah for him.For Allah will surely accomplish his purpose:verily, for all things has Allah appointed due proportion."(Al Talaq; 3)

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

"Happiness can grow in any soil, live in any condition. It defies environment.It comes from within;it is a revelation of the depths of inner lifeas light and heat proclaim the sun from which they radiate.Happiness consist not of having, but of being;not of possessing, but of enjoying. It is the warm glow of the heart at peace with itself.Happiness is the soul’s joy in the possession of intangible.Happiness is paradoxical;it may coexist with total sorrow and poverty. It is the gladness of the heart, rising superior to all condition.”

Saturday, March 24, 2007

A line from an article by Ustaz Hasrizal in one of his entries triggered me to write my entry for today. Simple yet meaningfully deep. It carries a similitude of most child-parents status quo in the present-day. Of course some of us might argue with that point, but then again coming back to my own experience, I remain affixed to my stand.

If you're a regular here, you might have read the entry I wrote on my dad awhile ago, which summarizes in short yet precisely the character of Abah. An uncluttered yet complex man. Extremely wise yet nitwitted. Funny and playful but stern. A kind man though a bit atrocious at times. A mixture of everything. An oxymoronic man, if this term ever exist. Which makes it an effortless effort to love but dislike him at the same time.

My mum, however, well that's another story to tell. She's the disciplinarian of the family. I used to be so scared of her, even if it was MY daring deliquency in the first place that made her chase me around the house with a hanger or a rotan. The weird thing is, regardless of how terrified I was of her, I've always wanted to please her. I remembered locking myself in the kitchen and washing all the dirty dishes in the sink so that I can suprise her. Any of my outstanding performances in school be it academic wise or extra-curricular activities, she'll be the first to know. She's the kind of person that puts other people on edge, making them go the extra mile, putting extra work to achieve the highest of their capability. In many ways than not, I am what I am now because of her. And eventhough it's hard to hear it from you, deep in my heart I know your love for your children reachest far beyond anything anyone on this earth can ever imagine. I love you, Ibu.

I have always been a difficult child. Being the first and only child for more than 4 years drifted me to become quite the challenge in the bridge towards my teenage years. I can't even count how many times I threatened to run away just because I was pissed by such stupid and unacceptable reasons. Or throw hysterical tantrums to get what I wanted. Oh, the foolishness of the fool can never be understood by the fool herself. I was selfish and proud but witless.

They say wisdom comes with age. I vouch to that. In retrospect, I realize I was always full of anger and reproach of those around me, of the people that loved (and still do) me the most. To me, nothing then was ever good enough. No one understood me. I was dead wrong.

So, Ibu, Abah, I'm sorry for all the misbehaves and tantrums, all the verbal attacks and lazziness, all the stupidity and self-centredness, everything in the package. I know I was difficult and to tell you the truth, I think I always will be. Hehhe. But THANK YOU, for always trying to give me the best, for all the care and guidance. Thank you for your unconditional love.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

I have never baked before. I can cook dishes and do puddings (walaupun malas juga lah sebenarnya =D), but never ventured into cakes and cookies yet. I know, I know, the cake up there does not look that delicious to begin with but trust me its finger-licking-good! I have my siblings to testify to that. Hehhe. Oh, and my dads' remark was "Macam cake secret recipe!!". Alhamdulillah. I'm proud that I braved myself to take the first step into the baking terrene.

It's too bad my number one chef (read: my ibu) is not at home to comment on it, she's in Penang for a certain particular meeting. I did call her though before takeoff just to make sure everything's right. Tak pernah guna oven on my own before percaya tak? Kelakar sungguh saya ni. She bid me good luck sambil menggelakkan saya. I think Mamasarah and Drroza will be laughing their hearts out reading this entry too.

Tomorrow will be dish day pulak. I'm thinking of Nasi Goreng Thai or any kind of fried rice, lets see how it goes. Six weeks of holidays will be seeing my family getting bulat-er by my cookings, itupun if my rajin mood berkekalan. Hehhe. Wish me luck!

Anyway, to be honest I'm actually the morning type of person. Kalau tak sebab exam (semua nak salahkan exam kan??), my sleeping schedule most of the time memang cun-cun je. Sleep around 11.30 pm, wake up at 5.30 am lah paling-paling lewat pun. It's nice having the peace and quiet all to yourself. You don't have to worry about people peeping into your private routines, although its not that private pun. There's a big difference between sleeping early, waking up early and sleeping late, waking up late. Arifah thinks and believes that your brain process thoughts and ideas faster when you sleep early and rise when the day is still young. There's something magical about the dewy quiet moments of the dawn, I tell you!

You might have noticed by my third paragraph that I am literally writing nonsense. Sebenarnya memang tak ada idea langsung nak tulis apa. All my bernas ideas dah gone with the wind. Lepas tu, my glossary's worth right now are equivalent to that of junks and jargons. Rojak-rojak, macam-macam ada. Hehhe. Well, saja nak cuba-cuba benda baru once in awhile.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

"The word 'shams' (sun) is feminine, and 'qamar' (moon) is masculine. The sun burns itself out to give light and life to everything around, and the moon is muneer, meaning it reflects the light. Within itself it has no light; it radiates the brilliance of the sun. So when we shine as men, the implication is that we are reflecting the glorious light of our women. May Allah swt be pleased with them."

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

I actually wanted to write something on my visit to the paediatric institute this morning but I couldn't find the words to describe my emotion. So, I have resorted to rise up to the challenge of this tagging business. Mama Sarah notty ye, report dekat Mynn. Ngehehe. Anyway, I'm not gonna tag anyone after this. Kesian orang yang kena tag. Hehhe. Here's to all the weirdness the world over! =D

6 Weird Things About Arifah

1. I have a very very very sweet tooth. I love chocolates. Although you can not have too much of them else you'll turn into a walking hippo (you get the picture). Now I'm asking myself why am I talking about chocolates pulak tibe-tibe ni. Semua orang makan chocolate, so where's the peculiarity in it? Well, how about eating raw milo + susu pekat manis, gaul dengan sebati, then you eat the ingredients the way anyone eat rice with chicken curry, and making it a habit? Hehhe. Ok, ok it's not exactly a habit but I do it everytime I feel like eating chocolates and there're not any around to satisfy my bonbon lust.

2. I have a small cute dark blue kancil. My dad bought it for me. Lucky me for being the first-born. But he did warned me to buy him a huge BMW when I get my first paycheck one day. Anyway, that's beside the point. The main crux here is that I have a weird habit of turning on the headlights everytime (well almost) I enter the car. I don't know why. I can assure you however that what I'm telling you is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth because I have recieved so many chides and stares when I when I'm on the road or when I stop at the petrol station for a re-fill due to this penchant of mine.

3. Talking about my car, I have another weird (or perhaps dangerous) habit of driving more than 100 kmph when I'm happy. People drive fast either because they're furious or just because they're plain crazy. I drive fast because I'm happy. Although most of the time I drive fast for no apparent reasons. Since I'm confessing this here, I really do hope no traffic police officer will ever come across my blog. Oh, and dear readers, don't you dare report me!

4. This one is about one of my favourite food. I don't really like veggies. I can almost say I hate them but I have this unexplained craving for brocollies. I can gobble down a huge bowl of these pretty little greeneries without batting my eyes. Of course this IS an exaggeration. But roughly I can say that if I don't get chocolates, brocollies are enough for me. So send me a bunch for (I was going to type Christmas, hehhe) my birthday.

5. I am an easy sleeper. What I mean to say is that I don't take long to fall asleep after my head has safely landed on the pillow. But before I get into the first stage of sleep, I will create my own imaginary 'world' in my head where in it I am a princess or a superhero trying to save the universe. A specific 'world' can last for more than a week's sleep. Sometimes it becomes so exciting that I can't wait to go to bed just so that I can continue what I imagined the night before. SUPER weird.

6. Weird thing is I can't think of the last weird thing about me. Hehhe.

Monday, February 19, 2007

"Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength"

At this very moment, I have two close friends who're going through a rough time. Both of their fathers had just undergone brain tumour surgery.

Nothing I say (or write) will take any of your pain or worries away. But just remember that my prayers are with you and your families. I'll be around if you need me, as a friend, as someone to talk to, as a shoulder to lean on. I love you both.

May Allah grant them and their loved ones health and serenity.

Savage Garden: Two beds and a coffee machine

And she takes another stepSlowly she opens the doorCheck that he is sleepingPick up all the broken glassAnd furniture on the floor

Been up half the night screamingNow it's time to get awayPack up the kids in the carAnother bruise to try and hideAnother alibi to write

Another ditch in the road You keep moving Another stop sign You keep moving on

And the years go by so fastWonder how I ever made it throughAnd there are children to think ofBaby's asleep in the back seat

Wonder how they'll ever make itThrough this living nightmareBut the mind is an amazing thingFull of candy dreams and new toys

And another cheap hotelTwo beds and a coffee machineBut there are groceries to buyAnd she knows she'll have to go home

Another ditch in the roadYou keep movingAnother stop signYou keep moving onAnd the years go by so fast

Wonder how I ever made it through Another bruise to try and hide Another alibi to write Another lonely highway in the black of night

There's hope in the darknessI know you're gonna make itAnother ditch in the road Keep moving

Another stop signYou keep moving onAnd the years go by so fastSilent fortress built to lastWonder how I ever made it