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Just a Mom Without a Clue

I spent the wee-hours of the morning in the ER. Baby Boy *L* has been running a high fever for about 72 hours and last night he didn't want to nurse, he didn't want to be held, he didn't want to be put down. He just wanted to cry and be miserable (and drag all of us down with him. Wait did I just say that?) His misery had made for a long day already and I realized that if this went all night again we both might drown in a puddle of tears together.

It is am awful feeling to feel helpless. Especially when the ones you love, those that you hold so close to your heart they feel to be part of you, are in pain. Real pain. Then not to know what is causing the pain. Awful.

So I packed the baby up and drove to our local ER. Ironically, after 72 hours of misery, the minute we walked through the doors of the hospital he transformed into this beautiful, bouncy, curious, happy, baby boy. The fever of 103.5 that he had been running all day, all night? Gone. The constant crying? Stopped. There I stood looking like a Mom without a clue.

After a bit of time doing the insurance-game. Really! I hate that we have to spend the first 30 minutes of an ER visit doing paperwork for insurance. It takes the compassion, caring, feeling that they are going to take care of us, and feeds it all through a paper-shredder. But I digress...

We saw a nurse, explained the symptoms, she laughed with my baby, made him smile, and I felt like a puppy with his tail between his legs. REALLY, he is sick!

We saw a doctor ten to twenty minutes later and again my happy baby boy dazzled the doctor. /BUT/ I could see the newness of the place start to wane. I could see the lack of sleep over the last 72 hours catching up with *L* quickly. I realized that the doctor could see it too. (Is it awful to hope your baby at least acts sick for just a little bit?) He did a checkup and got to the ears. It took four of us to hold *L* down but we did it. His right ear looked good. Switch sides. Oh! The left one is red. Very red. And a mother breathes a sigh of relief.

Just an ear-infection! An answer. At two in the morning we drove home. The baby in the car seat. The mom working hard to keep her eyes open. Prescription for antibiotics in hand. But a huge relief that we had an answer. Because oh how I HATE feeling like a Mom without a clue! And oh how happy I am to know that he will have relief, and what we are going through is only temporary.

3 comments:

It's one of Murphy's laws that the sick baby will magically appear to be healthy when you walk into the hospital, especially late at night/early morning. My daughter cracked her head open to the point that she needed a staple and was running around playing in the waiting room. I'm glad to hear he just had an ear infection and hope he feels better soon.

Isn't it relieving, and a bit of "Momma-ability reassurance" to know that we aren't alone? I'm sure nurses and doctors see it all the time. But doesn't make it any easier when you are standing in the sea of self-doubt wondering "Why Oh Why are we here?!".

Both of my children have done the "magically better" at the doctors office. It's so frustrating! Glad you found a solution! The good news is, no matter how your baby acts, they have to examine them! -Lydia M. (Fort Hood)