Your Illustrated Guide To The Eight Types Of Nipples

Why Is This Important?

Long Story Short

Seventeen magazine spoke with a dermatologist and identified 8 different types of nipples, demonstrating the incredible and wonderful variety exemplified by the human body.

Long Story

Nipples are like buttholes in that everyone has a couple of them and likes having them licked, whether they admit it or not. But we tend to think of nipples as a monolithic entity, the way politicians treat Latino voters. But just as people of all stripes exercise their political will in different ways, there's apparently a stunning cornucopia of nipple varieties out there. 8 to be exact, according to board-certified paediatrician and dermatologist Dr. Tsippora Shainhouse, M.D. She took time away from what is almost certainly more important work to discuss the most commonly found nipple types with Seventeen magazine, which is surprisingly still a thing.

It's important to note that while there may only be 8 different kinds of nipples, splitting the nipple types across individual breasts leads to (I think) a staggering 256 possible combinations. Also, I don't see where this applies to guys, but I also don't see where it doesn't, either. Keep that in mind next time you go to the beach.

Protruding

Dana Tepper/Seventeen

Old faithful. The nipple protrudes from the areola a little.

Inverted

Dana Tepper/Seventeen

Basically the opposite of protruding, the nipple is recessed within the areola. There is an inexplicable NSFW subreddit for this.

Unilateral Inverted

Dana Tepper/Seventeen

A little from column A, a little from column B. Why is it unilaterally inverted instead of unilaterally protruding? This classification is protruding-ist!

Flat

Dana Tepper/Seventeen

A happy medium where the nipple neither protrudes nor inverts. There is no subreddit for this.

Puffy

Dana Tepper/Seventeen

Otherwise known as "the thing you were embarrassed about when going through puberty." There is a shockingly popular NSFW subreddit for this.

Bumpy

Dana Tepper/Seventeen

The result of pronounced Montgomery glands. Every woman has them, but some are bumpier than others. No subreddit.

Hairy

Dana Tepper/Seventeen

Some hair is not uncommon, but some women are hairier than others. This describes a lot of men as well, and Dr. Shainhouse says plucking them with tweezers is a-ok (if you can stomach it). Mercifully, there is no subreddit for this.

Supernumary

Dana Tepper/Seventeen

A fancy word to describe people with third nipples, though there's no rule that says they have to stop at three. More people may have extras than realize it, as it can sometimes appear as a smaller, flat mole. There isa subreddit for this, but it only has three subscribers and only one text post.

There you have it. 8 nipple types makes for a convenient 3x3 "Nipple Bingo" card with a free space, which I suggest you make and share with every woman you bring home after a date. Maybe bring it with you on dates, actually. No sense wasting time and money with a space you've already covered. I see no flaw in this plan.

Own The Conversation

Ask The Big Question

Are men's nipples as variable?

Disrupt Your Feed

I really wish I'd never read this because now when I go out I'm going to have to constantly stop myself from bringing this up in conversation.

Drop This Fact

Nipple cancer, also called Paget disease of the breast, occurs in 1% -4% of all breast cancer cases.