Failure to write a concession speech is what sealed Mitt Romney's fate:

(YouTube video: "Election Night" episode, The West Wing)

Sam Seaborn: You wrote a concession?Toby Ziegler: Of course I wrote
a concession. You want to tempt the wrath of the whatever from high atop
the thing?Sam Seaborn: No.Toby Ziegler: Then go outside, turn
around three times and spit. What the hell's the matter with you?

That famous quote by Mythbuster Adam Savage is, simply, the reason why
the Republicans were handed their lunch on Tuesday.

Here are two essays which address the issue in a sane, rational manner.
The videos that follow, from last night's Daily Show, are a bit
more... bombastic.

-----

Ohio really did go to President Obama last night, and he really did win.
And really was born in Hawaii. And he really is legitimately President
of the United States. Again. And the Bureau of Labor Statistics did not
make up a fake unemployment rate last month. And the Congressional
Research Service really can find no evidence that cutting taxes on rich
people grows the economy. And the polls were not skewed to over sample
Democrats. And Nate Silver was not making fake projections about the
election to make conservatives feel bad. Nate Silver was doing math. And
climate change is real. And rape really does cause pregnancy sometimes.
And evolution is a thing. And Benghazi was an attack on us. It
was not a scandal by us. And nobody is taking away anyone's guns.
And taxes have not gone up. And the deficit is dropping, actually. And
Saddam Hussein did not have Weapons of Mass Destruction. And the moon
landing was real, and FEMA is not building concentration camps. And UN
election observers are not taking over Texas. And moderate reforms of
the regulations on the insurance industry and the financial services
industry in the country are not the same things as Communism.

Listen. Last night was a good night for Democrats and liberals for very
obvious reasons. But it was also possibly a good night for this country
as a whole. Because in this country we have a two party system in
government. And the idea is supposed to be that the two sides both come
up with ways to confront and fix the real problems facing this country.
They both propose possible solutions to our real problems. And we debate
between those possible solutions. And by the process of debate, we pick
the best idea. That competition between good ideas from both sides about
real problems in the real country should result in our country having
better choices, better options, than if only one side is really working
on the hard stuff. And if the Republican party and the conservative
movement and the conservative media are stuck in a vacuum-sealed
door-locked spin cycle of telling each other what makes them feel good,
and denying the factual lived truth of the world, then we are all
deprived as a nation of the constructive debate between competing
feasible ideas about real problems.

Last night the Republicans got shellacked. And they had no idea it was
coming. And we saw them in real time, in real humiliating time, not
believe it as it was happening to them. And unless they are going to
secede, they are going to have to pop the factual bubble they've been so
happy living inside... if they do not want to get shellacked again. And
that will be a painful process for them, I'm sure, but it will be good
for the whole country, left, right and center. You guys, we're counting
on you. Wake up. There are real problems in the world. There are real
knowable facts in the world. Let's accept those and talk about how we
might approach our problems differently. Let's move on from there. If
the Republican party and the conservative media are forced to do that by
the humiliation they were dealt last night, we'll all be better off as a
nation.

If You're Surprised By The Election Results, You're The Reason You Lost,
Or: A Plea for Useful Republicans.

Dear Republicans:

I know the despair you feel this morning, and sympathize, because I've
been there. In 2004 my stiff, robotic millionaire lost to a
President he should have soundly thumped, and I was so hurt I
took a week off from the Internet afterwards. I am completely
sympathetic with that slow terror that the country is now in the hands
of an incompetent, and the voters don't even know it.

But I noticed a weird difference between the way Republicans and
Democrats reacted to a losing candidate. In 2004, when the polls turned
against Kerry and it was obvious he was going to lose, the Democrats
asked "How can we fix that?" Oh, they asked in their glum, incompetent
way, but when I personally talked to other Democrats both in real life
and online, we were all pretty cognizant of the fact that Kerry was the
underdog.

The Republicans of 2012, however, became increasingly convinced that Romney was going to win.

Everywhere I looked on Twitter and Facebook, I saw my Republican
friends- not straw men, but actual people- talking about how
terrible Nate Silver's methods were, how these Rasmussen polls showed
Romney's real strength, and eventually you got the travesty of UnSkewedPolls.com,
which cherry-picked the data and even today has their prediction of not
just a Romney win but a landslide, Romney 311 to Obama 227. (Actual
result: Obama 332, Romney 206.)

It all crystallized for me when my friend Brad Torgerson said, "Liberals
and Democrats have Nate Silver and his 538 blog. Conservatives and
Republicans have the U of CO guys. It's an epic cage match of predictive
numbers geekery!"

Look there. Right at that post- one not too dissimilar from a thousand
other dismissals of Nate Silver and the other aggregated polls. See what
Brad did there? The way the guy bringing you news he didn't like was
automatically assigned a partisan bias, and the only rational solution
was to get a guy on your side with better numbers? As if
reality was merely a function of getting enough guys on your side?

That's why you lost.

Stop confusing hard reality for partisan opposition.

It's time to step out of the bubble, dear Republicans, because we
fucking need you. I don't trust the Democratic party to run the
country single-handedly. I want a Republican party I can rely on for
real solutions- and you've become lazy, voodoo-like, dismissing any data
you don't like as partisan opposition.

Jay Lake is fond of saying, "Reality has a liberal bias." That's not
because reality inevitably verifies liberal thinking, but because the
Republican response to anything that challenges them is now to write off
the data.

And let me repeat: we need you. I want a counterweight to Democratic
power, not a deadweight that refuses to acknowledge the issues. I want a
Republican party that will look at the numbers for climate change and
not go, "I don't like what those scientists are saying, so I'll call it
a silly liberal bias!" but say, "We're business experts, we know how to
motivate rich people to do what we want, how do we fix this?" I want a
Republican party that will realize while yes, we're spending far too
much and should cut down, the results of thirty years of
trickle-down theory and tax cuts won't actually provide enough revenue,
because we are at the lowest effective tax rates we've had in thirty
years.

And yes, you can argue all my statements here. But in that, smart
person, you're like a driver with an SUV in Alaska. A person with a car
in Alaska is going to get stuck in the snow eventually; that's a fact.
But if you have an SUV, you're gonna get stuck way the heck out in the
woods where no one can get at you, because you have the strength to do
it and won't stop when common sense tells you to. I had a ton of Very
Smart friends dissecting all the reasons why Nate Silver was wrong, why
his methodology sucked, why these pollsters who said what they liked
over here had better ways of slicing the data- and all that flurry of
so-called "facts" amounted to was an elaborate justification of personal
biases that had no basis in reality.

It's time to stop fighting the obvious. It's time to stop assuming that
anyone who presents contradictory data is out to get you.

You should have won, guys. You had a President with an economy in the
doldrums, a guy who'd lost a lot of his electoral mojo in the realities
of politics. But instead of rising from the grave, you chose a candidate
who never actually gave us firm numbers on what expenses he'd cut to fix
the economy. You chose a candidate who said he'd get rid of Obamacare,
but never actually named the parts he'd destroy. You chose someone who,
though all politicians lie, lied a lot more than almost any
modern Presidential candidate.

You had a guy who should have sliced Obama to ribbons- and he lost, in
large part, because he said, "Trust me" instead of giving us a plan. And you
let him get away with it.

You let him get away with it because you're indulging in a great deal of
magical thinking. You let him get away with it because facts have ceased
to matter; as long as someone tells you something you want to hear,
you'll find a way to justify it with pseudo-science and trust and spit
and baling wire. You don't like to hear how bad a candidate Mitt was,
because you came so close this year, but it's true; the problem
is that so much of the country has abandoned listening to reality that
you can get massive votes and never touch a fact.

If you can't be honest today, in the aftermath of this great defeat,
then you're never going to see the truth.

If you seriously thought that Romney had a good chance of winning, then you're
part of the problem. Wake up. I implore you: learn from this. Look
at your deepest beliefs, and see whether the numbers support them. Start
thinking, maybe those people with data I don't like are right.

If you think the lesson to be learned is "We weren't conservative
enough," then you're handing me a great victory in 2016. I want to have
a real choice then.

‎Governor, we also have fewer horses and bayonets because the nature of our military has changed.
We have these things called aircraft carriers where planes land on them. We have these ships that go
underwater, nuclear submarines. And so, the question is not a game of Battleship where we're
counting ships, it's “what are our capabilities?”Barack Obama

“Kill our way out of this mess” is the theme of every American movie not
about talking animals or weddings.

Aside from talking points, Mitt doesn't know his Assad from a hole in
the ground.

Mitt, you do know that most of America thinks Mali is one of Obama's
daughters, right?

It's good they agree armed Americans should be involved with everyone,
everywhere. We loved armed intervention like Paula Dean loves butter.

Aside from talking points, Mitt doesn't know his Assad from a hole in
the ground

Mitt's entire debate strategy: What he just said, but from a white guy.

That's an amazingly specific number Mitt keeps pulling out of his ass,
12 million new jobs. But fellas, this is the foreign policy debate!

Jobs, teachers, education - gentlemen, please, can we get back to
killing foreigners?

Bob Scheiffer, could you ask about what's IN the military budget? If
people knew specifics,”I wouldn't cut nuttin'” wouldn't sound so good

I like hearing Mitt say how great he was for Massachusetts, the state
that will never, ever, ever vote for him.

I can't be the only one who's surprised to find out Buster Posey is a
white guy. Sorry, flipped to the game.

I've seen wider ideological differences between Jehovah's Witnesses.

Oh no he din't- Romney said his ultimate BubbleFact, “Apology Tour”
right in front of the guy who NEVER WENT ON ONE.

To clarify, Mitt is for moving heaven and earth, but only in regards to
mining.

You're losing, Mitt- bring up the fact that we have fewer knives and
rocks than we did during the French and Indian War.

Shorter version of Romney: Me strong. Obama weak. Hulk smash.

OK Mitt, one more try: we have fewer catapults and barrels of boiling
oil than we had in the crusades.

First debate, all agreed, Obama lost; second one, i say he won, but
Romney not trounced. But this one? Only bubbledwellers can say Mitt won

Mitt keeps taking issue with being criticized tonight - did they tell
him this is a debate?

OK, one last try: We have fewer Andrews Sisters and Ritz Brothers than
we did in 1944. So glad we're done with THAT!

---------

Wonkette:

“The audience has taken a vow of silence.” But not celibacy, one hopes.

We are debating during the 50th anniversary of the Cuban Missile Crisis.
This is very important, because we are painfully aware that neither of
these men is a Jack Kennedy.

Cutting Obamacare, which the CBO has projected will reduce the deficit,
will save money, because MAGIC.

Mitt is in favor of crippling sanctions like the ones Barry has put in
place. If elected, he will have the Doctor take him back to the Bush
administration to put them in place sooner, and more crippling-er.

Mittens, again with the “tumult.” Why does it sound like Yiddish when he
says “tumult”?

You know all about shipping jobs overseas, don’t you Governor? BOOM!

Mitt is pretending that he can feel empathy... Brent Spiner pulled this
off a lot more convincingly.

---------

Various fact checkers:

Politifact rated the claim that the U.S. Navy, U.S. Air Force are
smaller than in 1917 and 1947 “pants on fire.”

Romney wants to add $2 trillion to defense that it didn't ask for it.
True.

Obama 'promised' 5.4 percent unemployment? Mostly False.

---------

The Onion:

Romney Pledges To Replace All Foreign Policy With Jobs Right Here In
America

My sons are all adults and they've made decisions about their careers
and they've chosen not to serve in the military and active duty and I
respect their decision in that regard. One of the ways my sons are
showing support for our nation is helping me get elected because they
think I'd be a great president.

I'm not a big-game hunter. I've made that very clear. I've always been a
rodent and rabbit hunter. Small varmints, if you will.

Corporations are people, my friend.

Don't try to stop the foreclosure process. Let it run its course and hit
the bottom.

I like being able to fire people who provide services to me.

If General Motors, Ford and Chrysler get the bailout that their chief
executives asked for yesterday, you can kiss the American automotive
industry goodbye.

I'm not concerned about the very poor.

No one's ever asked to see my birth certificate. They know that this is
the place that we were born and raised.

I should tell my story. I'm also unemployed.

We have a president, who I think is a nice guy, but he spent too much
time at Harvard, perhaps. (Romney has two Harvard degrees.)

We've always encouraged young people: Take a shot, go for it, take a
risk, get the education, borrow money if you have to from your parents,
start a business.

I love this state. The trees are the right height.

There are 47 percent of the people who will vote for the president no
matter what. All right, there are 47 percent who are with him, who are
dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims, who
believe the government has a responsibility to care for them, who
believe that they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to
you-name-it. ... My job is not to worry about those people.

I believe in an America where millions of Americans believe in an
America that's the America millions of Americans believe in. That's the
America I love.

I'm not sure about these cookies. They don't look like you made them.
No, no. They came from the local 7/11 bakery, or whatever. (Insulting my
local bakery.)

I don't manage the money that I have. In order to make sure that I
didn't have a conflict of interest while I was governor or while I was
considering a run for national office, I had a blind trust established.
(in 2012)

The blind trust is an age-old ruse, if you will, which is to say, you
can always tell the blind trust what it can and cannot do. You give a
blind trust rules. (1994)

I'm not familiar precisely with what I said, but I'll stand by what I
said, whatever it was.

He likes firing people
("I like being able to fire people...")
Doesn't care about the very poor
("I'm not concerned about the very poor...")
He's wealthy and good-looking
("My name is Mitt Romney...")
Yes, that's I guy I'm for

When campaigning in the Deep South
He pretends to like eating grits
Rick Santorum's gone post-mortem 'cause
It's gonna start raining Mitt

It's raining Mitt
Holy heaven
Everyone needs a hit- of Mitt
Under Romney
There's a future in sight
Where all our trees are the right height

It's raining Mitt
What a wager
I'll make you a ten
Thousand dollar bet
So white, rich and fit
It's stormin' for a moment Mitt

President Obama
Mitt Romney says you're to blame
For too much federal spending
Though your healthcare plans look the same
I don't know economics
But when Mitt mentions income tax
Then I guess he must know something
Since his wife drives two Cadillacs
(She drives two Cadillacs!)

It's raining Mitt
I ain't lyin'
It's raining Mitt
No s**t
It's raining Mitt
Let's show the kind of Mitt that we are
And tie the dog to the roof of our car
Mitt, hallelujah
It's raining Mitt...
Good God it's raining mitt, yeah...

"...For there are even more on the government dole than even his 49% accounts for.
Like those welfare queens at ExxonMobil, AT&T, GE, et al... 250 corporations that from
2008 to 2010 got nearly a quarter trillion in tax subsidies. Although to be fair,
at least ExxonMobil and AT&T give us back cheap gas and reliable cell phone service..."

"If they have success, they built it. If they failed, the government
ruined it for them. If they get a break, they deserve it. If you get a
break, it'a a handout and an entitlement.

It's a baffling, willfully blind cognitive dissonance...

(Watch the top of the video- you can skip the ad after a few seconds...)

"Mitt Romney is a political contortionist. He can shoot himself in the
foot while it's still in his mouth while his head is up his ass. The
exit wound is spectacular. Then for an encore, he gets the other foot."-David
Gerrold

It's why Al Gore invented the Internet:

Bill
O'Reilly and Jon Stewart debate!

Fact: Of the ten states with the highest percentage of people who pay no
income tax, nine are red states.

I never thought it was a good idea for attorneys to be president.-Clint
Eastwood, endorsing Harvard Law grad Romney.

We're not going to let our campaign be dictated by fact-checkers.-Neil Newhouse, Romney Campaign official pollster

‎"A Party too patriotic for facts... a candidate too successful for taxes... a city where flip-flops are eveningwear... from Tampa, Florida, this is The Republican National Convention..."
-The Daily Show opening, 8/30/2012

I once got drunk and screamed at a couch for 15 minutes. But it wasn't televised.-Elayne Boosler

Clint Eastwood's RNC speech was to imaginary Obama in an empty chair. I'm drafting a DNC
speech to imaginary Romney in an empty factory.-George Takei

Ryan stretching the truth to make his speech more effective is just another form of doping.
In that if you believe him, you are a dope.-Stephen Colbert

Warning: if you have a heart condition or are pregnant you should not watch. Not because of
the excitement, but because you probably won't like the Republican positions on health care and
reproductive rights.-Stephen Colbert

A gaffe occurs not when a politician lies, but when he tells the truth.-Michael
Kinsley

A liar in public life is a lot more dangerous than a full, paid up
Communist, and I don't care who he is.-Harry S Truman

A little lie is like a little pregnancy- it doesn't take long before
everyone knows.-C.S. Lewis

All men can be led to believe the lie they want to believe.-Italo
Bombalini

All political parties die at last of swallowing their own lies.-John
Arbuthnot

Americans detest all lies except lies spoken in public or printed lies.-E.W.
Howe

Among all the world's races, some obscure Bedouin tribes possibly apart,
Americans are the most prone to misinformation. This is not the
consequence of any special preference for mendacity, although at the
higher levels of their public administration that tendency is
impressive. It is rather that so much of what they themselves believe is
wrong.-John Kenneth Galbraith

By means of shrewd lies, unremittingly repeated, it is possible to make
people believe that heaven is hell- and hell heaven. The greater the
lie, the more readily it will be believed.-Adolf Hitler

Do not consider it proof just because it is written in books, for a liar
who will deceive with his tongue will not hesitate to do the same with
his pen.-Maimonides

Half a truth is often a great lie.-Benjamin Franklin

How is the world ruled, and how do wars start? Diplomats tell lies to
journalists, and they believe what they read.-Karl Kraus

How many times do you get to lie before you are a liar?--Michael
Josephson

How readily do we believe a lie when it fosters in us a high opinion of
ourselves.-Charles H. Spurgeon

I always divide people into two groups. Those who live by what they know
to be a lie, and those who live by what they believe, falsely, to be the
truth.-Christopher Hampton

I believe all Southern liberals come from the same starting point- race.
Once you figure out they are lying to you about race, you start to
question everything.-Molly Ivins

I don't believe the Democrats or Republicans are lying to us. I think
that every dirty, rotten, lowdown thing they say about each other is
true.-A. Ray Lambson

I have been thinking that I would make a proposition to my Republican
friends... that if they will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we
will stop telling the truth about them.-Adlai E. Stevenson II

I have never used an illegal drug in my life. Also, I have never told a
lie.-Tom Lehrer

I like to do my principal research in bars, where people are more likely
to tell the truth or, at least, lie less convincingly than they do in
briefings and books.-P.J. O'Rourke

If forty million people say a foolish thing it does not become a wise
one, but the wise man is foolish to give them the lie.-W.
Somerset Maugham

If you begin by saying, “Thou shalt not lie,” there is no longer any
possibility of political action.-Jean-Paul Sartre

It is always the best policy to tell the truth, unless, of course, you
are an exceptionally good liar.-Jerome K. Jerome

It is better to be defeated on principle than to win on lies.-Arthur
Calwell

It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that
you would lie if you were in his place.-H.L. Mencken

It is sometimes necessary to lie damnably in the interests of the nation.-Hilaire
Belloc

It's not a lie, it's a terminological inexactitude.-Alexander Haig

Liars can mask their lies, but no man can put on the look of simple
honesty.-John Gardner

Loyalty to your country should never require you to lie about it.-
Joseph Sobran

Lying is an elementary means of self-defense.-Susan Sontag

Lying is the same as alcoholism. Liars prevaricate even on their
deathbeds.-Anton Chekhov

Lying to ourselves is more deeply ingrained than lying to others.-
Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoevsky

Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar.
I figure two good lies make a positive.-Tim Allen

Men hate those to whom they have to lie.-Victor Hugo

My father had a deep and lifelong contempt for politicians in general.
“They tell lies,” he used to say with wonder, “even when they don't have
to.”--Gore Vidal

Never ask a question when you know the answer is going to be a lie.-
Chuck Lorre

No one ever lies. People often do what they have to do to make to make
their story sound right.-William Ginsberg (Monica Lewinsky's
lawyer)

People do not believe lies because they have to, but because they want
to.-Malcolm Muggeridge

Political language- and with variations this is true of all political
parties, from Conservatives to Anarchists- is designed to make lies
sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of
solidity to pure wind.-George Orwell

Reason is poor propaganda when opposed by the yammering, unceasing lies
of shrewd and evil and self-serving men.-Robert A. Heinlein

Repetition does not transform a lie into a truth.-Franklin Delano
Roosevelt

Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all.-
Oliver Wendell Holmes

The average between a lie and the truth is still a lie.-Walter
Mears

The best time to listen to a politician is when he's on a stump on a
street corner in the rain late at night when he's exhausted. Then he
doesn't lie.-Theodore H. White

The cruelest lies are often told in silence.-Robert Louis
Stevenson

The first thing a man will do for his ideals is lie.-Joseph A.
Schumpeter

The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie- deliberate,
contrived and dishonest- but the myth, persistent, persuasive and
unrealistic.-John F. Kennedy

The liar's punishment is not in the least that he is not believed, but
that he cannot believe anyone else.-George Bernard Shaw

The man who fears no truths has nothing to fear from lies.-Thomas
Jefferson

The men the American people admire most extravagantly are the most
daring liars; the men they detest most violently are those who try to
tell the truth.-H.L. Mencken

The more lies are told, the more important it becomes for the liars to
justify themselves by deep moral commitments to high-sounding objectives
that mask the pursuit of money and power.-Bertram Gross

The polygraph looks for abrupt increases in heart rate, blood pressure
and perspiration. The polygraph is, therefore, a highly reliable
detector of orgasms. But does it detect lies? Only if you're lying about
having an orgasm.-Robert Park

The true hypocrite is the one who ceases to perceive his deception, the
one who lies with sincerity.-Andre Gide

The truth about a man lies first and foremost in what he hides.-Andre
Malraux

The truth may be out there, but lies are inside your head.-Terry
Pratchett

There are people who lie simply for the sake of lying.-Blaise
Pascal

There is no point in asking a man a question until you have established
whether he has any reason to lie to you.-Ken Follet

There is no worse lie than a truth misunderstood by those who hear it.-William
James

They say that in the end truth will triumph, but it's a lie.-Anton
Chekhov

They should have picked a different city to name after a man who
reputedly never told a lie.-Doug Larson

Under current law, it is a crime for a private citizen to lie to a
government official, but not for the government official to lie to the
people.- Donald M. Fraser

Well, sure, the government lies, and the newspapers lie. But in a
democracy, they aren't the same lies.-Alexis A. Gilliland

When two opposite points of view are expressed with equal intensity, the
truth does not necessarily lie exactly halfway between them. It is
possible for one side to be simply wrong.-Richard Dawkins

Mitt Romney is now in London to see his horse compete in the dressage
event. Dressage is kind of like horse ballet. Finally something that
connects Romney with the average American voter.-Jay Leno

Mitt Romney said while he is in Europe, he won't be apologizing to
anybody. He has nothing to apologize for. A lot of those people overseas
now have good jobs because of him. They are very very grateful.-Jay
Leno

The Jim Henson company, which created the Muppets, have cut their ties
with Chick-Fil-A because of the company's anti-gay marriage stance.
Insiders say the move came after intense pressure from Bert and Ernie.-Jay
Leno

To prepare for the Republican Convention, a strip club in Tampa, Florida
has hired a Sarah Palin look-a-like to perform. This stripper is so much
like Sarah Palin, she actually has written on her hand, 'take off top,
shake breasts, swing around pole.'-Jay Leno

A cyber attack on Iranian nuclear facilities is causing all their
computers to play AC/DC. Today, the attackers said 'If our demands
aren't met, tomorrow we start blasting Nickelback.'-Conan O'Brien

There's talk that Mitt Romney's campaign is paying for Twitter
followers. Yes, he's paying for people to like him. Or, as it's called
politics.-Jimmy Fallon

Mitt Romney's search for a vice president continues. As you know, one of
Mitt Romney's problems is that he's never hired an American for a job
before, so this is new.-Jay Leno

A new study published by The British Medical Journal found that
inactivity can kill you. I mean, these are the kind of findings that
just scare the hell out of Congress.-Jay Leno

Olympics can inspire American kids to get active. Or it can inspire
American kids to sit on the couch and watch the Olympics.-Conan
O'Brien

Even though the Olympics take place during Ramadan, some Muslim athletes
said they will not fast during games. Then, after sampling the British
food, they said, on second thought, fasting sounds good.-Conan
O'Brien

Speaking of Romney, I read that his campaign has raised $10 million in
California over the last two days. One million was from a fundraiser
while $9 million was from Romney checking a pocket in some old khakis.-Jimmy
Fallon

The European countries are really hoping to do well in the Olympics. If
they win gold medals, they can use them as cash.-David Letterman

And a collection from the prolific Andy Borowitz:

US politics: the opposite of the Olympics. Every 4 years, billions of
dollars are spent to show humans at their worst.

I worry that all the pomp and excitement of the Olympics is making the
world forget that Kristen cheated on Rob.

Romney: "The Israelis love me. They've even given me a neat nickname:
Mittshugenah."

Dick Cheney says Sarah Palin was not ready to be VP, according to We
Know That Already, Dumbass magazine.

Romney: "I don't mind that the British keep saying I'm a banker, but why
do they pronounce it with a W?"

Mitt Romney is coming across as an out-of-touch rich person in a country
that still has a Queen.

If the Internet is any guide, the two things pro-gun people hate most
are 1) background check and 2) spell check.

Mitt Romney was promised that he'd get the majority of delegates in the
GOP primaries and would be the presumptive nominee. The guy with the
ruddy complexion, sulfurous b.o. and pointed prehensile tail didn't
actually say he'd get the nomination. Always read the small print
before you sign anything, Mittens. Especially in blood. (Wasn't a
variation of this an old Twilight Zone episode?)

----

The Internet is run by a guy named Heisenberg, and his principles are
uncertain.-Kevin G. Barkes

----

Expect a resolution in short order to the Viacom-DirecTV dispute. My
mother discovered yesterday that Jon Stewart's Daily Show was
missing from her DVR. She was not amused, and called me prior to
phoning DirecTV's customer service line. I think she just wanted to be
certain that I was in town if she needed bail money. There are stiff
penalties for using that kind of language on the telephone, even
if you're an 85-year-old retired teacher with a vocabulary that spans
two languages and can cause sailors to blush in either.

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Speaking of DirecTV and The Daily Show, the program's staff
constantly updated the satellite provider's customers on Twitter with
Viacom shows they were missing during the blackout:

To celebrate National Karma Day, a pack of wild dogs just strapped Mitt
Romney to the roof of a car.

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Bonus birthday quotes of the day- Hunter S. Thompson:

Hunter Stockton Thompson (July 18, 1937 – February 20, 2005) was an
American journalist and author. He first came to popular attention with
the publication of Hell's Angels: The Strange and Terrible Saga of
the Outlaw Motorcycle Gangs (1966), although the work he remains
best known for is Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1971), which
was first serialised in Rolling Stone magazine.

Thompson became a counter cultural figure as the creator of "Gonzo
Journalism," an experimental style of reporting where reporters involve
themselves in the action to such a degree that they become central
figures of their stories. He had an inveterate hatred of Richard Nixon,
who he claimed represented "that dark, venal, and incurably violent side
of the American character" and who he characterised in what many
consider to be his best book, Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail
(1972). He was known also for his lifelong use of alcohol and illegal
drugs; his love of firearms and his iconoclastic contempt for
authoritarianism.

While suffering a bout of health problems, he committed suicide in 2005
at the age of 67.