Why Women Have SUCH A Hard Time Prioritizing Our Own Pleasure

Women and pleasure is my new favorite topic. Why? Because pleasure is so important, but women seem to have a lot of shame associated with accepting pleasure.

There seem to be obvious reasons why we have hang-ups about pleasure, but there are also not-so-obvious ones. I polled Facebook friends and followers the other day to see what other women had to say about our issues with pleasure, and I received some pretty insightful answers.

One woman talked about self-acceptance and worth, asking "Do we deserve pleasure? Can we admit that we want it, and can we even allow it in?"

We are likewise programmed to believe that it is better to give than receive That eventually becomes, "it’s easier to give than receive." To receive pleasure, we’d need to let our guard down and be vulnerable.

There's a lot to think about in these musings!

A man joined the discussion and suggested that if we talked about it around the dinner table it might get easier. Instead of talking about what we did for the day, perhaps the question should be, “What pleased you today?” Pleasure doesn't have to just be about sex!

Underlying all of the reasons for our hang-ups about pleasure, for me, came from this simple response: shame.

Brene Brown, whose TEDx talk on vulnerability says this: “Shame for women is this web of unobtainable, conflicting, competing expectations about who we are supposed to be. And it’s a straight jacket.”

So, what is your web?

Can you untangle the mess of expectations that make up your world? Where does pleasure enter in, if at all?

A few weeks ago, I visited a friend of mine who was training with her new service dog. The dog trainer said something fascinating. She said, “this dog is hedonistic, he works for the scratches and the pets.” In essence, the dog works for the pleasure of touch, the pleasure of being loved.

Unabashedly, this dog had no shame in scooting up to his owner/partner or me for a pet or a hug.