It’s the worst, I hate it.

It’s the worst, I hate it. The words, the feelings, and the fear. There is nothing worse than fighting with the person you love the most.
We will say things to each other that no one else knows about, because we know each other like the back of our hand, but at times it feels like we know absolutely nothing.
We get stressed, and we release it on one another. We address all the little things that we typically ignore and release the pent up emotional words without hesitation, because we are pissed. It’s the worst, I hate it.
It’s easy to see the anger and distain via text. I don’t know if it’s lucky or not, that we don’t address these issues in the flesh and that our touch screens bare the brunt of our anguish. It’s the worst, I hate it.
How do you address fighting with friends, loved ones without getting so angry? What do you do to skip the pain that fighting causes? Or is the fighting good and needed, because it addresses the issues you hold inside?
I lay here and wonder, and repeat over and over; it’s the worst, I hate it.

About the author

Xza Louise Higgins is the founder of MommyCon, creator of The Mommy Dialogues, and punk rock mom to two year old Atticus in the great city of Chicago, IL. She is incredibly passionate about birth options, human rights, and promoting gentle parenting practices.

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i’d sure like some input on this too. i *try* to remember to take a breath before addressing an argument… and remember 5 things i love about the person i’m arguing with. that sort of gives me a moment to calm down and recognize that the person i’m talking to is my (husband, mother, best friend, etc) and not the devil. again, i said TRY. still working on this!

Jordan I like your idea of thinking of 5 things. I’ll have to remember that next time.

I’m the type of person who needs to fight, argue, let it out…loudly. I’ve learned to not make it so loud now that there are children around, but I think it’s good for us. My husband hates to fight and always tries to make me laugh during the argument, which used to drive me crazy, but I now appreciate it. During our arguments things can get tense and his smiles and laughs defuse the situation and get us to talk about the real issues. Sometimes fighting is necessary. My advice. Is to make sure you always resolve the issue before ending the conversation. You never want to get angry and have no solution.

My hubby and I established early on in our relationship that we would not call each other names, say things we don’t mean, or purposely try to hurt each other in the heat of the moment. In seven years (four of marriage), we have had a few incidents were voices were raised and tempers flared, and more than a few when we have wanted to bite each other’s heads off, BUT we have managed to make it our official way of dealing with issues. When we are mad we take a break from each other, think it through (get to the root of the problem) and then talk about it. Be honest and communicate, it’s what works for us. Also recently I’ve noticed being happy with him is wayyyy better than being angry at him, so if I can help it I just let go of the minor things.

Being happy is way better than being angry, that is for sure! I’m fortunate to have a husband who doesn’t name call, I couldn’t imagine being in a verbally abusive relationship that resorted to name calling… that would be terrible.

Allison I’m glad it isn’t just my husband…I haven’t gotten to the point where it doesn’t drive me crazy but I know he’s just trying to find a way to lighten the situation.

For us I think fighting can be good because we are both “stuffers” and it finally gets stuff on the table but it still hurts…especially when he is out of town four weeks at a time. I don’t know how we manage to argue long distance but I hate how disconnected I feel when we are disagreeing. It’s always good though when it’s finished and we have both heard one another out. I know lots of people need to finish it right then but sometimes it takes us a day to figure it out and get to a valm place where we can talk it out. Fighting isn’t a bad thing necessarily you just have to try to keep the blows above the belt so to speak so that when it’s finished it really is finished.

I find that I typically start a important convo/fight when were in the car or in the shower lol I have a few ideas on why I pick those places. For one he cant escape! My husband LOVES his video games… that being said typically if im trying to have an important talk with him in the living room I know I wont be heard. So I wait…and it builds… and then I explode! I wait until were driving in the car and ask things that have been bothering me for some time, or wait for our shower time together. I try not to argue over text only because it usually hard to understand the tone of the message. 🙂