(Closed) Ugh! Really Frustrating Family Members! Long Vent.

I don’t know where to post this, so I’m going to put it here. I’m graduating in May with my Bachelor’s in Accounting. I’m very excited and proud of my accomplishment.

Two years ago when I graduated from high school in my hometown, everyone was there at graduation. My high school had 66 graduates. Despite this fact, and a VERY short graduation ceremony (45 minutes), all of my aunts, uncles, and cousins got up and left immediately after I walked across the stage.

I was really hurt and upset by this. I knew they would probably do it and I pleaded with them to stay for the entire ceremony. It was not only hurtful to me that they couldn’t spare an additional ten minutes of their time for me, but it was also really embarassing because the principal and several other people urged the audience to remain seated throughout the course of the ceremony.

Fast forward six months, I graduated with my Associate’s degree. (I went to college during high school as part of a dual-enrollment program so I only needed two more classes after high school to get my Associate’s.) I invited my mom and my dad and they went, stayed for the whole thing, clapped and cheered and really made my day special.

Two years later, I’m about to graduate with my Bachelor’s degree and everyone is starting to ask about invitations to graduation… The same aunts, uncles, and cousins who got up and left from the 45 minute high school graduation ceremony want to come to my college graduation. I guarantee it’ll be much much longer than 45 minutes.

There are only 6 tickets given to each graduate for the graduation ceremony and it’s 2.5 hours from my hometown. I already know who is coming, my parents, SO, brother, and two grandparents. The aunts and uncles are like “So just get more tickets.” One even suggested that SO should not go so a family member could. I mean, there’s a chance I could get more tickets but I really dislike the way these family members behaved at my high school graduation and I don’t want them at my college graduation. I’m sticking to the “There aren’t enough tickets” excuse. It’s pretty much true.

However… knowing this, they’ve decided that my parents need to throw a graduation party for me after graduation… The afternoon of graduation. I’m completely against having a graduation party at all. I just want to spend the afternoon after graduation having a nice lunch or something. The last thing I want to do is drive 2.5 hours to have a party with people I don’t even like. But they’re being very insistent and not even offering to help my parents with anything. My mom feels obligated because everyone’s told her it’s what she’s supposed to do. (Not that any of these relatives ever graduated from college or had children who did.)

I think you should stick to the “not enough tickets” plan. Only have the people you want there! As for the party, does your Mom really not want to throw it? If’s she’s only doing it because of “obligation” have talk with her about how you feel and why you don’t want a party.

I agree that you should just keep telling them there aren’t enough tickets – it’s true, after all! And have you tried talking to your mom about the party? Like His Barista said, she may think it’s what you want!

I think it’s fine not to invite them and the “not enough tickets” excuse is great. However, I would really rethink avoiding the party. You have a lot of family members who love you and are excited for you and want to celebrate with you. Yes, they were rude at your high school graduation, but how long are you going to hold that grudge for? Since they can’t attend the actual graduation, this party is the only way they can share this huge moment with you. You mention none of them went to college – maybe they’re extra-proud due to that.

If you flat out refuse to include them in your graduation or have a party, you are basically shunning them. Now if you really hate them all and don’t want to ever see them or talk to them again, go ahead. But if you want to have any kind of relationship with them, I would give them a few hours of your life to celebrate your graduation. If you’re worried about being tired that day, you could always do it the next weekend.

First, congratulations on graduating. Sounds like you’ve worked your butt off! I also did a dual program type of thing and got my bachelors in 3 years. I know how much hard work it takes.

That being said, I agree that you should stick to your guns about the 6 tickets thing. If they did end up coming and leaving early I don’t think it would be AS noticeable but still rude. I’ve also had family members do things like that and I know how embarassing it is. Is there any way you could have your graduation party on a different day? Like maybe the weekend after or perhaps even the next day? It would let you have your graduation day the way you want but then still celebrate with your family (even if they aren’t your favorite people).

I think ultimately the decision is yours. If you really don’t want to celebrate for these people for whatever reason then nobody can make you. I would encourage you to do so though.

I don’t know how long I’m going to hold that grudge… It just really made me feel as though they didn’t give a darn about my feelings since I begged them not to leave during the middle of the ceremony and they did it anyway. Moreso than it being a “grudge”, I just don’t want to be embarassed in front of my friends, professors, and I don’t want to be upset on what should be a really happy celebration.

My mom and I had a long talk about the party and decided that when it came closer, we’d make a command decision. Even if I wanted to have a party, it’d be hard to really find a time. I don’t want to have it before, because that’s Derby weekend! lol, and Derby’s a big deal! The weekend after, my mom and I are going to Wicked. The weekend after Wicked would really be the only time I could do it and that’s two and a half months from now…

So for now, we’re just agreeing to talk later. Neither my mom or I is really all that into a “graduation party” but she feels like she’s “supposed to”. Only one of my friends ever had a graduation party for college graduation. Did any of you bees have a college graduation party?

I am probably the WRONG person to give this advice. I can’t stand my family, and I keep association with them at a bare minimum.

I say, they are your 6 tickets, you should be able to use them however you choose. You are an adult, and if you don’t want a party, there should be no “obligation.” For what? Because they want to reep the benefits of free food and a family gathering that they don’t have to put any effort in to? I say if they want the party, let them throw the party. You mom isn’t “supposed to do” anything ESPECIALLY if it’s not what you want. And I think your reason for not wanting to invite them is a good one. They showed no respect at your HS graduation, and didn’t even come to your AA, so why should you extend an invitation to people who are disrespectful and ungrateful. Are you close with them? Even if you were close to them, they should understand that tickets are limited and you already have the people who are near and dear to you chosen to attend. I don’t care if spanky the dog got one of those tickets, if that’s who you want to go, then no one should argue that.

That’s just my opinion, but then again I have no tolerance for my family, and my judgement it a little skewed. lol Good luck, and congratulations for your acomplishment!! I graduate in May too. Oh and only my Boyfriend or Best Friend and my aunt and uncle are coming. lol And they aren’t even my “aunt” and “uncle,” They’re second cousins. lol Long story…