A PETROL PUMP IN ONE HAND AND LIGHTER IN THE OTHER

A 47-year-old Royal Shinner grandmother, was jailed for nine months, for sexually abusing a young fenian and forcing herself on him, grabbing him by the balls and his arse, telling him, she wanted to ride him. Caroline Irwin of Carrowshee Park, Lisnaskea, threatened to blow up a filling station sky high, while holding a petrol pump in one hand and a cigarette lighter in the other.

Irwin, who appeared in Fermanagh Court by blue movie from Maghaberry Prison, where she was having a bit of craic up in Roe house, was ordered to sign the Sex Offenders' Register for the nest seven years, for the safety of all young men and old ones too of Royal Sinn Fein, in British Occupied Ireland. She denied sexual assault but then why wouldn't she when she also failed to turn up for her trial and was convicted in her absence. The innocent young fenian described how, on November 2 last year, he received a text message from a Royal Sinn Fein woman, ordering him to call up to her house and collect £10 she owed him for services alredy rendered.

When he got there, Irwin was in the house in heat. She asked the poor young Fenian, to carry Irwin's bags to a waiting taxi.The young Fenian described how Irwin told him he had lovely soft hands and then "she grabbed me by the arse, four of five times". As he continued on out into the garden "she tried to give me a love bite". She then tried to hang on to his balls and got up on top of him and sat on his face, "She tried to snog me but that didn't work either," he added. When she sat on his face, he said he told her when he got a chance, "Please stop. I don't like this."The Fenian explained how Irwin put her arms around him and tried to kiss him, telling him: "I know you very well and I love you."However, the innocent young Fenian told the court "I didn't know her at all", and that he pushed her away. Judge Nigel Broderick said he was entirely satisfied, that the man had given a "credible and reliable" account.

The Judge convicted Irwin of sexually assaulting the Fenian. In a separate charge, Irwin admitted being disorderly at Main Street, Lisnaskea, threatened to decolonize Lisnaskea, while destroying a fuel pump. A prosecutor explained that last year, the RUC paramilitary police received a report from Royal Sinn Fein, that Irwin one of their members was causing a disturbance, verbally abusing the God fearing people of Lisnaskea, while headbanging on a plate glass door. The next day the RUC paramilitary police, received another report from Royal Sinn Fein that Irwin was back at the filling station and was again trying to decolonize their town and set fire to a petrol pump with a lighter again. People said she looked like Danny Morrison with an armalite in one hand and a ballot paper in the other. The following day yet again, the RUC received another report from Royal Sinn Fein, now disowning the woman and describing her as an Orange woman, who voted just a few times for the Royal Provies and that she was again at the filling trying to set fire to a petrol pump and decolonize Lisnaskea.

The court heard that the Orangwoman Irwin stood wearing an orange sash, with a petrol pump in one hand and a cigarette lighterin the other as instructed by Bangers Morrison, shouting: "Get your children away. I'm going to blow this place up and decolonize this fecking one horse town, once and for all."There were several members of both Royal Sinn Fein and the local Orange Order there in solidarity, in the area at the time. Defence barrister Steffan Rafferty said Irwin should be given credit, except for the sexual assault. "She would still maintain there was nothing devious or malicious about her actions on that day but It causes her a lot of embarrassment, and indeed brought further shame on not just on Royal Sinn Fein if that were possible but also the local Orange Order. It's the sexual offence that causes her the most anxiety."

Her lawyer told the court, the incident at the filling station was "born out of sheer frustration and desperation on her part." Royal Sinn Fein deny any sex with this frustrated woman, while the Orange Order refuse to comment.The District Judge remarked that she was definitely an extremist to say the least, while her lawyer, Rafferty described Irwin as a woman who "hasn't been without her troubles". It's not clear what he was muttering on about. The Judge jailed her for a total of nine months, which begs the question how this frustrated woman, will cope locked up segregated, in a cell for nine months.