Big Lead Sports Bar

4/18/2007

Classified Ads

Mondesi's House is now accepting classified ads to buy, sell, or trade your goods, or to announce news, lost and found, and job opportunities. Here is our initial batch:

WANTED:3 Consecutive playoff winsI am looking for three straight Eastern Conference playoff wins. I need one as early as Thursday. I am desperate. Please contact Michel T. with more information.

LOST:20 Year Old Russian MaleI have recently lost track of a 20-year-old male that has come to this country from Russia for work purposes. He is 6'3", 192 pounds, has a bowl-shaped haircut, and speaks absolutely no English. Often travels with a translator. Last seen wearing a jean jacket. He has been missing for quite some time. Answers to the name "Evgeni" or "Geno". Please call Ray S. if you have any information regarding his whereabouts. Urgent return rewarded. Here is a photo:

FOUND:One Power HitterI recently found one stray power hitter. I am located in the St. Louis area. He appeared today. He is approximately 6'3", 205 pounds. He has a red beard and appears to have ADD. He is left-handed and says he is from Atlanta, that is where he wants to return to. I found him wearing a Pittsburgh Pirates jersey. Willing to give to a loving home.

LOST:One Dose of CredibilityI am in a desperate situation. My business depends on credibility to be accepted by consumers, and I lost most of it on Sunday afternoon in Dallas. This is not the first time I've lost credibility, but if we move quickly, we might save it. Please help. Handsome reward offered. Contact D. Stern in New York for more details.

FOUND:One Piece of PizzaI was recently attending a Boston Red Sox game and had the good fortune to find a piece of Fenway Pizza on the ground. The pizza was thrown by one Sox fan at another Sox fan who interfered with the play. However, it is in great condition, and has authentic dirt from the Fenway Stands on some of the pepperoni. I have a video posted to prove authenticity. $1,000 OBO.

HELP WANTED:16 weeks a year- top dollar!Due to unforseen circumstances, we have an immediate opening in Tennessee for one defensive back. Kick and punt returning capabilities a plus. Background check and drug test not necessary. One year commitment with potential for greater role. $13 million dollar signing bonus. Qualified applicants can call Jeff F. Be sure to mention times in the 40-yard dash. Degree not needed.