one prayer at a time

My Marriage is Not “Goals” and Never Should Be.

Yes, you heard that right. My marriage should never be a “goal” for anyone. At least, not in the way society thinks marriage goals are.

My marriage should be a constant reflection of God and His church. What does that look like? DEATH. Its death and humility and submission and loving when you don’t want and being intimate when you don’t feel like it and being uncomfortable and consistently CRYING out to God.

Ephesians 5:25: “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.”

You see, its because God loved us that Christ DIED for us. Jesus WEPT and he SUBMITTED and he LOVED and he was BEATEN….because he loved God. Because He loved you. Jesus didn’t get up on that Cross for fun or because he thought it would feel good or because He though it was “goals” no He just loved God.

You see we shouldn’t get married because we think its a “goal” or because we think it will feel good or because we think it will always be fun. We should get to experience what its like to truly submit yourself to another person in LOVE.

John 15:12: “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.”

I submit to God because I love him. That means even when I might feel like doing something I shouldn’t, I long to do the right thing because I love Him. It means even when I don’t feel like getting out my Bible to study the word or raise my hands to worship Him, I do it anyways because I love Him and want to become closer to Him. And you know the funny thing about all that? He helps me draw near to Him. I couldn’t with my own strength fully love and submit to God.

Its the same in marriage. Believe it or not you won’t always feel like having sex or maybe you won’t always feel like kissing your spouse when they come home. Or maybe you caught your spouse watching porn or they gambled all your savings away it doesn’t matter, you made a promise before God himself that you would love this person no matter what. Loving an imperfect person is hard but you cannot do it without God.

Our spouse will not and never will be able to fully satisfy us. They will always miss the mark. That goes for both sides because I know it takes a lot of Jesus for my husband to fully love me. I’m FAR from perfect. The only thing that will fully satisfy us is Jesus.

If you’re married and life isn’t what you thought it was going to be, try striving after Christ. Pray for your spouse daily. Ask God to take any bitterness or hardness out of your heart. If you aren’t yet married, I would encourage you to fill yourself with God before you try to fill yourself with another person.

Marriage isn’t an easy task but its the most beautiful thing I’ve ever done and I wouldn’t want to experience it with any other person except for my husband.

John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son that whoever believes in Him shall not parish but have eternal life.

Ephesians 4:2-3: “With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”

Ephesians 5:25: “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.”

Mark 10:9: “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

Romans 12:10: “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.”

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2 thoughts on “My Marriage is Not “Goals” and Never Should Be.”

Yes yes yes! Thank you so much for being so cold and courageous and speaking such truth and life into this situation. Marriage is not what we think it is, it is something we strive for daily. It is the relationship between Christ and the Church, as you have stated. This is an ongoing relationship, constantly developing and growing. There is no end goal or destination, but rather always striving forward. I wrote on my first year of marriage and it sounds really familiar to what you portrayed here! If you want to give it a read, I would love your feedback! https://tothosewhohaveears.com/2017/07/14/my-first-365-days-of-being-a-wife/