The front desk of the hotel said they’d called me a cab. Ten minutes later, there was no cab, I kept asking, it’s on the way. Still no cab. Ten minutes later…no cab…finally one shows up. Are you noticing a trend in Lusophone Africa? Cabs are a novelty, that take a long time to show up, even if you’re willing to pay for them. Regardless, finally it showed up, was cheap, I picked up Jordan, and we were on the way to the airport. We knew it was a small airport from our arrivals experience so planned to get there 90 minutes in advance.

Got there in plenty of time, and tried to enter the terminal, only to be told there was a tax to be paid that wasn’t included in the ticket. Seriously? That’s still a thing these days? I can count on one hand how many of my 154 countries visited do that….so congratulations Sao Tome, you’re in the company of Cameroon and others 😉

Paid my $21, and was allowed into the terminal, only to be met with this very sophisticated check-in area. For a minute I wondered how I took a picture of myself checking in, and then I realised I’d never wear cargo shorts 😉

Check-in was a manual process, no computers anywhere. There was a list with 12 names, and they crossed us off as we showed up and gave us handwritten boarding cards….without seat numbers. Basically, take any available seat! Wow, it was like flying back in time to the 1970s or something!

Security? Um, yes, it was one bored person (no metal detectors, nude-a-scopes, or similar technology here) and after 15 seconds of going through my carryons they gave up. Just couldn’t be bothered. Then, passport control was similarly lax…and literally 5 minutes from check-in to gate took 5 minutes. We really didn’t have to show up 90 minutes early. “Duty Free,” however, offered lots of treats including the suspicious Dom:

There were only four or five people in the gate area at this point, and it was not exactly interesting. This group of Chinese was soon led into the waiting area, and it appeared to be a tour of “look at how fantastic the airport you upgraded for us is!”

Complete with a Christmas Tree that makes the one in the Charley Brown Christmas special look special:

As I mentioned before, after a short taxi ride we arrived at our hotel, the Miramar by Pestana. I hadn’t paid a lot of attention, and didn’t realize there were two Pestana properties on the island, only about a 10 minute walk apart. I’d booked a junior suite since it was only 15 euros more than a standard room. We checked in, went to our individual rooms, and then drama started.

My room didn’t have wifi. The hall did, but it didn’t reach my room. Down to the front desk “oh so sorry, that is the only junior suite we have. Would you like a standard room for the reduced price?” Sure. So, off the standard room I go…but…the air conditioning was broken. Thankfully, this time I hadn’t unpacked my bag. Off to try a third room….nope, internet doesn’t reach this one either.

The front desk guy was extremely patient and helpful, and after trying five rooms, we determined there were no rooms available with internet AND air conditioning. Seems Jordan had gotten lucky with his, the first or second room in the hall. I retired to the empty hotel bar to have a beer to ponder my options.

They called the manager (since there wasn’t one on site) who agreed I could move to the other Miramar property, the Pestana Sao Tome if I wanted….but would have to pay the extra 15 euros over the price. Sigh, fine.

They had a rattly old hotel van, which would drive me there. Got there, and asked before I committed to anything to see both a junior suite and a regular room. The regular room was more than fine, except…the air conditioning didn’t work. LOL. Second regular room was just fine, and after almost two hours of hotel hopping I finally had a room. Whew.

Finally in a room, I headed down to the poolside bar/restaurant to get something to eat before bed. The drink of the month was the caipirinha, so I couldn’t pass it up. Along with some peanuts and a decent sandwich, I was happy and finally off to bed!

Woke up the next morning, and checked out the breakfast. Quite a good spread with made-to-order eggs, waffles, etc, tons of fruits and pastries, and really tasty local coffee. Overall, the breakfast was pretty good, and given what I’d expected in Sao Tome I thought it was excellent. The view from my room wasn’t bad either. Right onto the pool and the Atlantic, looking due west:

We’d planned to leave my hotel three hours before the flight, allowing up to an hour to get to the airport, and wanting to be there two hours early since we’d already checked in online. The taxi driver from the night before told Jordan he “didn’t start work” that early, but would 2.5 hours work? Eh, it would be close, but good enough. Jordan showed up at my hotel a little in advance…and we waited…and waited. We were down to 2:15 before flight time and started to panic. The hotel doormen were completely non-phased, and called their taxi contacts. See, you can’t just flag down a taxi in Luanda, because they largely don’t exist.

Eventually, just about 1:45 until flight time, a taxi showed up that the doorman had called, and he wanted $50 to go to the airport. Sigh, no choice at this point, and we paid…and he made fast time of it, getting us there maybe 75 minutes before the flight, and 15 minutes before luggage cutoff.

The problem? The business class line was over 10 people deep once we finally found it (since it was unmarked) and we waited. Eventually I started pressing the guy manning the line to let us to the front, because we were running out of time. He spoke passable English, and told us “no no, we must process all the Havana customers first, their flight is 90 minutes before yours!” Um, we were barely an hour before flight time, so Havana was 30 minutes late and not everyone was checked in.

Knowing never to trust the first thing a semi-official person tells you in Africa, I kept pressing him. Are you SURE you are right. He points to a long line of 100+ people in the terminal. “They all go to Sao Tome too in economy, not to worry.” In the end, he was right. We checked in about 45 minutes before flight time, and no problem at all. We did get probably the most festive lounge invite I’ve ever gotten before:

Security was next, and it was a big nonevent. Well, except for nasty angry agents who made the TSA look pleasant. They were yelling at passengers who didn’t know the procedure, and being generally rude and condescending to them. Then, it was time for exit immigration. They had a bit of a hard time finding my entry stamp, then when they did they seemed surprised by Cabinda, but it was no big deal and got stamped out without a problem.

Then, on the other side of immigration is where the fun started. There was a room with a closed door, and a long line leading into it. I ignored it and tried to head up to the lounge. Nope, was told I had to stand in line. What goes on in that room? They bring people in one by one, and search their luggage for cash. Since they “forget” to remind you to declare money when you enter Angola, of course, any money you have is undeclared…and subject to confiscation. The Chinese guy in front of me told me that his first time in Angola he lost nearly $2000 this way. OUCH. The line was getting too long for the room, and the security goons were at a loss where to put the people who were clearing immigration. They picked the two big white guys and said “YOU GO” and pointed to the escalator. Score! I’d already well-hidden my cash since I’d been warned about this online, but it was nice to not be subjected to it. I guess their logic was that we were more likely to either be onto their scam, or put up a fight, so they let us go?

Up the stairs, and into the TAAG lounge to wait. They said they’d call our flight since it was (obviously) late, so we had time to relax a slight bit: