Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Do you ever feel like you put up with so much bad behavior when you are dating that you can't even remember what it is like to date someone good?

Here's what I know:

1. It's easy to excuse a lot of bad behavior if you really like someone, however, you need to always remember to likeyourself better than you like him. If he is treating you very poorly, you are just doing an injustice to yourself.

2. If a guy likes you, he will call you on the phone to ask you out. It is easy to rationalize that the norm these days is to doing everything by text. However, if he is a good guy, he will step up and do things out of the norm for you. You deserve this.

3. A guy should not be talking to you about all the other women he is dating. You might rationalize that this is his way of seeming cool, popular or desired but there are other ways for him to demonstrate this without making you question whether or not he likes you. There is no reason for you to have to suffer through his story about the woman he wined and dined last night.

4. A guy should not make you feel bad about ordering dessert. It is completely inappropriate for him to chide you about eating dessert because he thinks you need to lose weight. Your body and your dieting is your responsibility and you get to choose what you eat, not him. You do not have to tolerate him making you feel fat; you deserve better than this. You need to find a man who loves you for what you are and what you are not and is excited to share dessert with you on a date NOT take it away from you.

5. A guy with whom you are intimate should not be sleeping with other women and flaunting it to you. First of all, truthfully, do you really want to be having sex with someone who is having sex with other people as well? I know it's easy to rationalize that this is what adults do, however, not all adults sleep around. Many adults still hold sex as a sacred thing and they only do it with someone they care about and they do it with only person at a time. If you are this type of woman, you should hold out for a man that has similar beliefs to you; these men are still out there. Go find one.

6. A guy should not make you feel badly about wanting to use a condom when you are having sex. You are in control of your own body. If you do not want to be at risk for AIDS, STDS and pregnancy , then it is your right to protect yourself. Don't feel that you have to compromise your morals, your beliefs or your own safety. It is not fair for a man to pressure you to not use a condom if you want to use one. Does sex feel better without one?Maybe, but it can feel just as fine with one as well. Moreover if he claims that he loses his erection only because of the condom, he is lying. Go find a guy who will respect your beliefs and who can get it up.

7. A guy should not be be asking you out at the very last minute and expect you to be available. It is only an excuse when he says that he is so busy that he can never make plans in advance. Contrary to the BS he is throwing at you, when his mother is coming into town, he finds a way to make plans in advance, when he gets invited to a guy's night out at a steak house, he find s a way to make plans in advance and when a girl that he is crazy about demands that he schedule plans in advance or he won't get to see her, he finds a way to make plans in advance. He will only respect you and do what you ask, if you respect yourself and demand that respect. If he can't find a way to make plans in advance with you, then you need to go find a guy who likes you enough to schedule plan with you. Do not accept these bad excuses.

Samantha Daniels is a well known Professional Matchmaker, President of Samantha's Table Matchmaking and the author of Matchbook: The Diary of a Modern Day Matchmaker (Simon & Schuster).