Norm MacDonald Has No Problem Paying O.J. Simpson Under the Table

On the occasion of his new show about sports, a comedic generation's original master of deadpan behind the desk opens up about Donald Trump, hillbillies, and the one interview he's willing to sacrifice his modicum of existing legitimacy for

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Six-and-a-half hours before the premiere of his first important appearance on Comedy Central since that Bob Saget roast a couple years ago, Norm MacDonald picks up the phone in Los Angeles. He's pretty tired.

ESQUIRE: I'd like to begin by saying this isn't going to be one of those interviews where Frank Stallone comes up just because it's one of those Norm McDonald interviews.

NORM MACDONALD: Thanks.

ESQ: Your new show is all about sports. People don't really know you as a "sports guy."

NM: I don't really like politics that much. And I like the order and simplicity of sports. They have an ending. You can argue with your friends about it, but in the end you still like sports. I almost love the fantasy world of sports more than the real world.

ESQ: How much of what we love about sports is hating things about sports?

NM: It's like a war construct, except nobody has guns. You can't love your team without hating another team.

ESQ: Do you own the rights for Who's More Grizzled? Because that deserves to be a sports-show segment.

NM: There are some grizzled sports guys out there.

ESQ: So is your sports show going to be like The Onion's sports show?

NM: No. I love The Onion, but that show is more of a satire. I mean, it is a satire, not only of sports but of SportsCenter itself. This show is not that. I like SportsCenter and I don't really want to parody it. Our show is more jokes on sports. Even then, we're not going to be doing "mug shot of the week." I'm a big sports fan so, barring sheer criminality, we're always going to take the side of the player.

ESQ: Well, Jeff Ross gives the show three weeks.

NM: I'll take the over on that.

ESQ: Will the show be accessible to non-sports fans?

NM: Completely. I made an effort to make the jokes funny without the need for extra information. It will work for everyone. And it tested good with the ladies, which I hear is important.

ESQ: You used to write for Roseanne. Why isn't there a popular, or even decent, sitcom about working-class people anymore?

NM: I don't know what happened there. It seems one comes along every once and a while, like The Honeymooners, All in the Family, and Roseanne. I think clever people think that poor people are stupid. And a lot of writers come from Harvard and such, and are rich, and they write under the misapprehension that poor people are stupid. So when they do write them, they are hillbillies or rednecks or Christian idiots.

ESQ: Your show teams you with writers from the Weekend Update days. Does that make you feel old?

NM: It makes me feel old when they have fourteen Emmys and I have none. But I was lucky to get them because there is a certain, specific kind of joke that I like to use, and those guys know what I'm talking about.

ESQ: What are your thoughts about Trump in the White House?

NM: I think the birther talk is kind of ridiculous.

ESQ: Is Trump a sports fan?

NM: Well, yeah. He owns a golf course in, like, Scotland. And I heard that at his Trump course on the east coast he held a women's tournament and he went around badgering them all day.

ESQ: Which athlete interview will result in you being fired?

NM: I guess... well... the interview I would most like to do, and I'm trying to work on, is O.J.

ESQ: You think he would agree to that?

NM: Yeah, I think he might do it.

ESQ: That would be an Oprah-Letterman moment.

NM: Yes. And I think it would be really fun.

ESQ: He would probably want to be paid, right?

NM: You mean through my life insurance?

ESQ: Um?

NM: Yeah, we would pay him. But we would pay him secretly so that no one knew about it so he wouldn't look bad.

ESQ: Norm McDonald, always thinking about the other guy. Thanks for the time, and aren't you glad we didn't ask you about Frank Stallone?

NM: It's about time.

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Sports Show with Norm MacDonald airs Tuesdays at 10:30 on Comedy Central.