God finds Richard Dawkins

The Almighty today announced He has lost faith in religion and was instead “leaning more towards the teachings of Dawkins every day”.

The Supreme Being admitted he became “consumed with self-doubt” after reading The God Delusion, in which Dawkins contends that a supernatural creator almost certainly does not exist and that religious faith is a fixed false belief. Faced with a series of well-constructed, logical arguments against the existence of Himself, God was forced to concede that “on the face of it, Dawkins does make a lot more sense”.

Humanists cite the pain and suffering endured by millions of people worldwide, claiming that no loving god would inflict such misery on his children- an accusation which God admitted had struck him “like a thunderbolt”.

“It was as if my eyes were suddenly opened and I could see for the first time. Wars, famines, tsunamis, diseases…. What on Earth have I been doing?” He said, as a single tear trickled down his face and flooded Bangladesh.

Pope Benedict distanced the Catholic Church from the comments, saying “In this day and age, surely we’re a bit beyond deciding what to think based solely on crackpot ideas that are apparently the Word of God?”