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Monday, March 30, 2009

Confession Tuesday....early edition

Dear Readers, I confess I haven't been sleeping well. I've been waking from 2-5 and rolled around in bed until I finally wake up, go downstairs, read an article about something I really don't need to know about or respond to an email, then go back to bed. The problem with insomnia is that your fear of getting insomnia makes it worse. I had just managed to sleep through a night when it came on last night again.

There's been a lot of sadness with my insomnia, like waking up in the middle of a sad dream I can't remember, but feeling that melancholy feeling, near tears and later, tears.

I am not sure what is bringing this on. Maybe just a feeling of being tired. And just a general disappointment.

I know there was sadness that our exchange student went home today. We miss her. It's amazing how you can rearrange a routine to completely add in another person. All the exchange students were crying on the way to the airport, no one was ready to return home to Japan. We are hopeful our student will return this summer with her father to visit. I am thankful for email too.

In happier news, today is my mum's 75th birthday. She looks amazing, acts amazing, and has an amazing attitude about life. I could learn from her. Happy Birthday, Mum!

I could learn a lot from her especially in this last day where I have felt so sad though not sure why, not sure what is causing this though a part of me says the gray gray sky. How Seattle-people, do we live like this everywhere fall/winter...this winter was harder? Even now this spring, it feels like fall with the crows and darkness. Like someone planted daffodils before Halloween.

I confess this is probably my worst confession to date. I confess I might feel a little better getting this all out.

I do plan to write a poem a day in April, though right now it seems like a bad idea... This is what sadness does to me. I become the statue (and not the one with the Spongebob hat), but the dull looking one without action.

BTW, this confession may go poof or be edited... just one of those daze.