Advice Column – Ask Dr. Val

Let’s Rethink Anger

To all my fellow compassionate American brothers and sisters who are grieving the tragic losses of human life in recent events and perhaps feeling angry about perceived racial disparity and social injustices, I offer love and support.

I believe that at the root of all of this anger being manifested in the world – both nationally and internationally, as well as within our interpersonal interactions – is a failure to effectively manage one’s emotions.

Poet David Whyte reconceptualizes anger in this way – “What we have named as anger on the surface is the violent outer response to our own inner powerlessness, a powerlessness connected to such a profound sense of rawness and care that it can find no proper outer body or identity or voice, or way of life to hold it. What we call anger is often simply the unwillingness to live the full measure of our fears or of our not knowing, in the face of our love for a wife, in the depth of our caring for a son, in our wanting the best, in the face of simply being alive and loving those with whom we live.

Our anger breaks to the surface most often through our feeling there is something profoundly wrong with this powerlessness and vulnerability… Anger in its pure state is the measure of the way we are implicated in the world and made vulnerable through love in all its specifics.”

I believe Mr. Whyte’s conceptualization of anger is accurate, and therefore offers us grieving humanitarians some insight and hope as to what we can do to prevent these senseless killings from recurring.

Beginning in preschool and integrated throughout the curriculum in elementary, middle and high school, we must teach mindfulness, acceptance and emotion management skills. I believe that by empowering people with these skills from an early age and reinforcing these skills throughout students’ educational experience, we will create better adjusted people who function more effectively and who adaptively manage their emotions. Consequently, I believe we will all be much less vulnerable to acts of irrationality and/or violence.

Of course, we could also take other measures such as strengthening families and banning the sale of assault weapons but I will leave those issues for others to debate and stick with what I know best, which is promoting mental health and wellness.