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As you all know, it’s the holidays, and that’s a good time to think about ways you can High Five the world, and yourself in the process. For example, ever since the positive experience we had with our adoptive squirrel, who has gone on to great success as a Walnut Baron, my roommates and I have been thinking about a adopting a human child.

I know what you’re thinking: we don’t really have jobs or know how to keep a meal schedule\chore wheel, and our kid will end up wearing Abercrombie sweatpants that say SLUT across the butt and going to an Ivy league school in protest of being raised on on quinoa-burgers and only allowed to watch Arrested Development and Twin Peaks. I still think it could be a chill experiment.

I’ve noticed that adoption is common in the Animal Kingdom. On YouTube alone, there are several videos about the the happy, well-adjusted products of cross-species adoption, like this one:

Most of all, I am really excited to put the “People Facts” into Horse Facts. One thing that I have noticed about the Internet Blogs is that most of them are either about rich foods purchased from Farmer’s Markets and roasted in butter, or about small, undeveloped persons.

As soon as we get our human child from its birthmother\labrador surrogate\turkey baster packaging, I will start blogging its daily activities, and having at length discussions of cloth v. environmentally unsound diapers. Maybe I should get a webcam? I have a feeling that this will really improve traffic to the site.

Whoah. I just googled “newborn babies” on Google Images and it seems like newborn babies are actually really gross. At what age can we adopt one and be assured that it isn’t all slimy? Why is it all slimy? Is it coated in placenta?

Thought it would look more like this:

For those of you who have children, how long does it usually take for them to learn how to send txt messages? Do they really use up all of your “minutes” like in those commercials? How often do you brush their coats?

I just wanted to reach out to my readers and say that I hope you’re able to follow my example and find a gift for yourself that money can’t buy\takes a lot of money to buy. Happy Holidays, everybody.