September 06, 2010

Do I need your love?

This is a black and white photo of Byron Katie whose book I Need Your Love Is That True? popped into my mind the moment someone sent me this distressing news story about a woman caught in a chimney.

The Los Angeles Times reported that a woman's decomposing body was found wedged inside her boyfriend's chimney after she tried to sneak into his Bakersfield house. The body of the 49 year old woman, a doctor who had an "on-again, off-again" relationship with the man, was stuck in the chimney for three days before being discovered by woman who was house-sitting, the Bakersfield Police Department said.

The woman had come to her boyfriend's home Wednesday night, but the boyfriend wouldn't let her in. "To avoid a confrontation," police said, "he wouldn't let her in." So she used a shovel and tried unsuccessfully to force her way in through a back door. She then climbed the roof and slid down the chimney. But her boyfriend had already left the house. She was found stuck three days later about 2 feet above the interior fireplace opening. In concluding that she died of asphyxiation, the Bakersfield coroner's office deemed the death an accident.

She needed his love! Was that true?

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I don't need Kathy's love, but it's a wonderful gift every day when I awake to find it there once again. She certainly doesn't need my love either, but we love each other a lot.

This whole delusionary matter of confusing needs with wants causes real tragedies across this planet of ours.

Kathy has a blog that I love reading......it's called IN MY HUMBLE (BUT ALWAYS CORRECT) OPINION (http://girlsinwhitedresses.blogspot.com/) ... she and I were enjoying watching the Tony Robbins reality TV series BREAKTHROUGH and were sad that it was abruptly canceled.

I have to say, though, I love Tony Robbins. I'm not sad that I'm not Tony Robbins, because I do things a little differently. You've noticed that. You've criticized me for it. You've vilified me. You've hung me out to dry and I don't mind that.

I speak slowly. I don't get all psyched up and pumped up. I don't transfer my energy to you. I don't get you psyched up and pumped up. I don't live with passion------at least not in my audio recordings.

So, let's get that straight. I do this deliberately. I speak slowly. I slow everything down. I want you to be able to hear me at a level that you are not all pumped up and excited, so that my message goes in there (into the subconscious part of your system-into every cell in your body) and it becomes an operating principle instead of just information. Something you know. It becomes a place to come from. So, to do that, I want to slow everything down. I want to slow your mind down. I don't want you racing out ahead of what I am talking about into your own future. This future racing around that we do is really the problem as far as success is concerned and if people would simply slow down and focus on the beautiful details and practice them slowly, wonderful things would happen.

Now let's take this idea of attraction first. When it comes to making a difference, one of the first things I want to eliminate from my mind is this thing called attraction. I want to attract into my life things. I want to find a way to attract wealth. I want to find a way to attract a spouse. I want to find a way to attract customers to my website. I want to find a way to attract clients into my world. Let's drop that. Notice how it does not work. I would only drop it because it does not work. That would be the only reason I would drop that.

I've worked with people for over 20 years (well, let's be honest here-I've been saying that for 10 years). I've worked with people for over 30 years and I have never seen attraction work. The only reason I would drop it from my repertoire (my vocabulary) especially from inside that part of my mind that carries these morbid, toxic beliefs around with me is because it keeps me from succeeding. I want to drop it from that part of my life. This thing called attraction--attracting a partner, attracting customers, attracting money, attracting wealth, attracting good contacts. All that stuff-- I want to drop it. Only because it doesn't work. Have I repeated that enough times? Because repetition (annoying as it is) has you get it. Also, speaking slowly (annoying as that is) has you actually get it. So you might end up not liking me, but getting it. So that would be OK with me. I mean that would be perfect for me. I'm not here to attract admirers. I'm really here to have these principles get inside people who are into Club Fearless. People who are fearless enough to join a club called Fearless. I want these principles in a person like that. I admire a person like that.

So, getting back to this thing called attraction. What can I replace it with? I mean, I might want a spouse or a partner. I might want customers or clients. I might want wealth coming into my life. So if I'm not going to be utilizing the law of attraction, if I'm not going to simply sit quietly and simply picture these things coming into my world, then what can I do otherwise?

What I recommend that people do is that they actually make a difference all day, every day by using creation. By substituting creation for where they once had attraction as their operating system. Creation. Creation. So, rather than attracting a partner, I want to create a relationship and by creating I become active. I join clubs, I join Church groups, I do this, I do that, I take trips. I remember once years ago I joined a group of single parents with full custody of their kids and they met other single parents and it was really fun. But I created that, I produced it, I did it and so I made my life different than it was and it's called making a difference. Making a difference has you be creative throughout the day instead of sitting back wondering how to attract.

Here's the main problem with attraction as an operating principle. Attraction immediately assumes that there are things people, money, whatever, outside of you out there somewhere that need to come into your world for you to be happy. Now that's what attraction is all about. The whole theme of attraction….the whole DNA (the principle of attraction) is that you are not enough. You don't have inside of you the resources to make you happy. You need to have it come to you from the outside. You need to have it come in, in the form of a beautiful partner, in the form of more clients, in the form of more money, in the form of more hits on the website. It must come to you from the outside for you to be happy.

There's a real problem with that because it has me walking around deficient as a human (at least in where I'm coming from) I'm not enough. I am trying to attract what would complete me, and my whole day is about that.

"Hi, this is Not Enough. I just thought I would leave you a message and hope you would call me. I'm trying to attract you. So, ask for 'Not Enough' when you call. That's my name-because I'm not enough".

You see where that would lead. It leads to low self esteem. It leads to becoming someone that other people don't want to be around. We love around being around people who have enough. Who love their lives, who are in love with life because they've got everything they would ever need to be happy. We love being around people like that and we are (dare I say it - I shouldn't even say this) we are attracted to people like that

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SEPT. 4, 2010......My daughter Jessica sent me happy father's day wishes today because today is Father's Day in New Zealand where she lives and runs a cool bar and grille called Baby G's (http://www.babygslounge.co.nz/) .....I would like everyone reading this to fly to New Zealand and go to her bar and have a drink and ask for Jessica and tell her her father sent you. In fact, have a few drinks.

Comments

I try to be grateful. This is soehtming I don't really understtand, IF it is thought waves compelling the things to you, it shouldn't really matter if you're grateful or not should it? When you talk about being grateful it sounds like it's more of a supernatural thing, like being grateful to a diety or soehtming. One girl had a vidsaying that if you supress nagative thought, negativity will come out. and I though we weren't supposed to think neagtive thoughts, it's confusing.

Hi,Thanks for sharing, is that you in the video? I don't agree that the law of attrtcaion doesn't work, however, I believe, like mentioned in the video, that it is a vibrational tool and requires action on by the holder. For example, I could use the techniques written about the LOA and sit in my home and play video games while trying to manifest wealth and abundance, I probably will never see results because I never took action.However, if I explored new opportunities, became more aware of people coming into and out of my life, and got off my butt and went out into the world I would increase my chances for my desires to manifest. I think we just have a different perspective about the LOA but in the end it takes action to get results.

Have you noticed that, soemtimes, what you need falls into place or comes to you from an out-of-blue phone call? Or you've bumped into someone on the street you've been thinking about? Perhaps you've met the perfect client or life partner just by fate or being at the right place at the right time? All of these experiences are evidence of the Law of Attraction in your life. Have you heard about people who find themselves in bad relationships over and over again and who are always complaining that they keep attracting the same kind of relationship? The Law of Attraction is at work for them, too. The Law of Attraction delivers both what is wanted and unwanted. Michael Losier in The Law Of Attraction Let me start off by saying that The Law of Attraction is one of those rare books that can instantly change your life. It's not hype, because I tried the exercises listed in this book and had observable results within the hour. More on my personal experience a bit later. You may be wondering What is the Law of Attraction? Simply put, the Law of Atraction states: I attract to my life whatever I give my energy, focus, and attention to, whether wanted or unwanted . Everything in the world is made up of energy which vibrates at a certain level. When someone has bad vibes , they are sending off negative energy. Have you ever heard the phrases like attracts like, birds of a feather flock together, and misery loves company? These popular phrases are evidence of the Law of Attraction. There are other phrases and words that describe this universal law, including: *Serendipity *Synchronicity *Fate *Karma *Luck *Meant to be According to author Michael Losier The Law of Attraction responds to whatever vibration you are offering, by giving you more of what you are vibrating. In our bodies, our vibration is translated as feelings. When we feel enthusiastic, loving, confident, or content, we are vibrating positively. When we feel sad, stressed, angry, or ashamed, we are vibrating negatively. This is why viewing negative events causes us to feel badly. Likewise, witnessing beauty or acts of kindess causes us to feel good. It has been said that we create our own reality . Regardless of whether or not we are doing it intentionally, we draw circumstances and people towards us that match our vibration (feelings). We are constantly thinking thoughts, and those thoughts produce feelings (vibration). The Law of Attraction teaches us how to deliberately attract more of what we want (as opposed to unconsciously attracting what we don't). What Losier shows us is that how we feel about something and what we focus upon attracts situations and people with matching vibration. He then gives us tools to raise our vibration, and attract our ideal situation which is exciting! The three-step formula for deliberate attraction is: *Identify your desire *Raise your vibration *Allow it The instructions are clear and simple, and can be performed quickly. Losier provides two case studies, and guides you through the three-step process with worksheets. There is even a webpage listed in the book where you can download additional worksheets. I've read other Law of Attraction books, but something seemed to be missing. I found the process frustrating and disheartening, quite frankly, and gave up on the concept (despite knowing there was truth to it). Losier provides the missing piece through his Clarity Through Contrast worksheet, as well as the Desire Statement. Both of these exercises focus our attention on an ideal, so it's easy to get excited about attracting what you desire. I think this is why so many people have trouble with affirmations: you don't feel good about saying a situation is one way, when it is really another. So while positive thinking alone may help with redirecting thoughts, they don't blow our fan , as Losier is wont to say, until those thoughts are accompanied by positive feelings. ~My Personal Experience~ After I read this book (it's a quick read), I printed out the Worksheets online, and completed them as instructed. I knew immediately what I wanted to attract even before I finished the book: my ideal experience writing my first novel. Up until a few days ago, I had experienced huge resistance to writing my novel. I'd get sick to my stomach and procrastinate because I dreaded sitting down and writing. (This process has been going on for well over a year, with my procrastination often lasting weeks or months). Yet, I had an outline, plot direction, interesting characters, and unblocked creativity. In fact, when I actually did write, it went quite well. So what was wrong with me?! This creative angst has been hanging over me , and I couldn't figure out why my willpower wasn't enough. I did all the worksheets Read more

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I've seen the opposite, where parents put their kids into private school kindergarten to get them in a year earlier than the school district would have allowed them. This ended up with a six year old in my second grade class. She wasn't ready.

It really is something that should be considered on an individual basis. My sister was eligible for kindergarten based on her birthday when we lived in California, but when we moved, she ended up being more than a year younger than her classmates for the rest of her schooling. My mom wishes that she had kept her out another year.

Hi Steve - I found the section around 'Not Enough' hitting nails on heads for me.

Creativity is definitely the key and the paradox of 'needing to attract' is that it pushes the things we want away.

I have a friend who continually damages relationships with friends and colleagues because he can't stop chasing every woman who comes his way(he tells me he feels incomplete without a woman in his life and alternates between admiring me and criticising me for the fact I've been a happy celibate for over a decade).

Well, it's all come home to roost and he's finally got himself into serious trouble - and still no girlfriend to show for all his efforts.

When we become needy by telling ourselves we're not enough just as we are we can start taking daft risks; become narrow minded, forgetting there's more to life than having any one thing work out just the way we'd like it to.

I have to say I'm quite a creative person while my friend resents any suggestion he simply has to start doing things he's not done before to get different results.

So he feels stuck and miserable but I feel absolutely fine just as I am.

By the way I've currently got about four ladies in my social life potentially romantically interested in me - one of whom has told her friends she doesn't know why I don't ask for a date. I don't feel the need to - is that a bad thing?

Mr. Chandler,
It's very interesting that you mentioned your voice in your recordings. One of the main reasons you're my favorite motivational speaker is precisely because of the way you convey the message. You sound very deep and profound, and most of all very calm. I have listened to your CDs over and over again. Your slow, confident and almost tranquil voice, combined with the content, is incredibly soothing, encouraging, and has carried me with hope through the turmoils of my life. I gave your CDs to few people, and couple of them never finished listening to them because they said you sound kind of creepy. Well, booya for them. I admire that you're acknowledging it and sticking to it, without feeling any obligation to change to please the crowd, or making yourself more marketable. I think your audio recordings are the biggest reason why you've become a success. Keep up the great work!

p.s. I never bought anything of Tony Robbins. I find him too jumpy and rather shallow - too distracting.

Reading this was such a refreshing start to my day. Yes, the law of attraction doesn't work, and i have sat on my sofa and attracted a new Mercedes with the best of them (it hasn't come yet, but you already knew that). When I look at my life and what I want more of, I see where I am not creating yet. It's a much better 'problem' to have than feeling guilty that the 'magic' isn't working for me.