I remember so clearly the day I handed my notice in to leave my corporate job and begin life as an entrepreneur…

Even though I knew this was what I wanted, I was really scared to hand over my resignation letter because it made it REAL. There would be no going back after I uttered those words: I’m resigning…

I held on to the letter with a vice-like grip before handing it over. It was almost like I was trying to delay the moment… This was the stepping off point for me… The transition point from where I was at that point in time to where I wanted to be.

…And it was all down to handing over one significant letter.

This was the game changer. Everything changed in that moment. I had to start taking myself seriously as an entrepreneur and show up fully as the leader in my life.

It was HUGE and SCARY…

…But it was the BEST decision I’ve ever made!

People who are thinking of making this transition often ask me about my decision to go on my own: Did you worry that it might not work? Were you scared that you might not get any clients? What if you failed?

And yes… I worried!

I actually woke up bolt upright the morning after I had given my notice in with the voices in my head screaming: “WTF have you done? Are you completely out of your mind?! You have a great job here!”

Any change can be scary because it involves letting go, finding courage, and taking forward motion. You have to take a risk because you don’t know the outcome.

As a frequent traveller on the London Underground, I’m constantly reminded to mind the gap! It’s painted on every platform and there’s an audio reminder before the train doors open and you step off the safety of the platform.

Why the reminder?

Because energy flows where attentions goes! So if I’m reminded to pay attention to the space between the platform and the train and I’ll take conscious action to make sure that I avoid the potential danger of the gap.

I often use the metaphor of Mind the Gap to explain how I bridged the gap and navigate through transition.

Learning and growing into the gap helps you to be the person you want to be NOW. The term Mind the Gap reminds me that if I want to successfully change I have to be mindful of the gap between where I currently am and where I want to be… knowing this and growing into it makes the transition real…

Before I stepped off the platform and onto my train of becoming a business owner, I recognized that I needed to develop a plan of action to enable me to successfully transition from where I was to where I wanted to be.

I call this my Gap Strategy…

Where are you now? Before making any change you need to look at your starting point – Even if feels uncomfortable. GPS can’t work if you’re typing in your destination but it doesn’t know your beginning point!

This involves self-assessment so you can have a clear picture of where you are currently: what you want and don’t want moving forward. What are your strengths, skills and passions? Do you know your value and how to leverage it (not monetary!)?

Where do you want to be? Continuing our Mind the Gap metaphor: it’s also important to understand what train you’re looking to step onto… (and that it’s in the station when you take that step!)This is all about getting clear, developing a vision and daring to dream. What does it look , sound and feel like? You have to become an investigator and do the work to explore your idea and where you want to go with it. Try it on for size! Generate some options.

How do you get there? Well, you have to buy a ticket! In other words: You need to invest time, energy and money in making it happen! An idea remains an idea unless you ground it by setting a deadline and start moving towards it. You have to pay attention to any gaps in your knowledge, skills and behavior and develop a gap strategy to help you leap over and take conscious deliberate action. What do you need to learn? Who is doing this already? How are you getting in your own way of success?

I’d decided on a clear plan of action and had been implementing my strategy over the previous twelve months. I worked with an awesome coach. Slowly I’d been building my marketability and leverage, learning about being an entrepreneur and living from that place. I was building my list and a client base, while I was still in my day job. I wasn’t perfect but I was fully engaged, committed and aligned my action with my values. I was prepared for my leap across the gap.

The gap finally appeared before me in the moment that I handed my notice in, and I was ready. I was already an entrepreneur. I’d claimed my power and shown up as leader for the last 12 months. I’d already prepared the way, I was now executing my strategy. I stepped over the gap to where I wanted to be.

That final step is often the hardest…because it’s scary to watch as your old life falls away. This final act was the last thing that held me back from the realization of my dream… Yes it was a scary moment but it was exhilarating at the same time!

I knew what I needed to do, I leaned in and made it happen…

I am the “after” of many of my client’s before… If you’d like some help minding and transitioning YOUR gap, drop me an email at info@elainebaileyinternational.com.

“Struggle and efforting always means that you are in resistance. As you relax, lighten up and let go, everything begins to flow.”

~ Gill Edwards, clinical psychologist and author.

A few years ago, I took a HUGE leap of faith and completely changed my life. I resigned from being an International Learning and Development Consultantand Head of Coaching in a very reputable training consultancy, so that I could develop my own coaching and learning consultancy business full time.

Back then, I had no real idea of how to run a business or market my services, as I’d been an employee ALL of my working life. I had some jumbled ideas on how I could earn a living and grow my business AND I had the support of an awesome business mentor.

Step by step I did it scared, took risks and lived through fear of uncertainty, ignoring the negative voices in my head, who were constantly poking holes in my confidence and offering up daily serving of self-doubt. Where are you going to get clients? Who do you think you are? What if you don’t make any money? What if no one wants to work with you?

Having being used to a regular income and the security of a J-O-B, I remember moments of terror in those early days. I regularly questioned my sanity! Work was a little patchy at the very beginning: I’d get a few clients, then a gap (the gap scared me the most!).

Taking one step at a time with guidance and support I started to move in the right direction. Former colleagues or clients asked me to run workshops or coach their leaders. I knew deep down that I was on the right path. One thing led to another and opportunities started to manifest. As soon as I stopped struggling and efforting to get clients, everything started to flow.

Something had shifted…

I stopped wasting energy on worrying and feeling desperate. I changed my inner dialogue from: But what if it doesn’t… to: How can I… and got to work on making things happen.

This created a profound shift in my energy. Instead of being focused on moving away from what I didn’t want to happen, I focused my energy and thinking on moving towards more of what I wanted.

In other words… I focused on being a successful business owner and NOT being a bag lady living on the streets!

What you focus your attention on grows!

If you start to focus on the things you love doing: what makes you feel good, looking after and appreciating yourself (and others), filling your day with activities that you enjoy and being surrounded by people that you love, you can’t help but attract gifts and coincidences. Opportunities will start to open before you because you are aligning with your soul and your purpose.

Does this mean that you should resign from your job tomorrow if you hate it?!

Absolutely NOT!

…Especially, if you don’t have any other source of income just now!

I didn’t hate my job when I resigned, I’d just simply out grown it. I got tactical and created a plan so I could transition and step into a growing business.

Whatever you want to create… Lighten Up and Let Go – Here’s how to get in the flow of what you WANT…

Set a clear intention – Start getting clear on what you want. What do you want to change? Clarify what makes your heart sing! Examine your beliefs about work, wealth and money.

Relax into what you do now – Most people don’t get clear and then give their job up the next day. There is a transition. So while you’re still in your current role, re-align to what you like about what you do already. Relax into your work rather than resisting it. Your current role is a key stepping stone to whatever you want to do next. Engaging with it will open doors to new opportunities. It helped me to reframe my existing job to become part of the transition.

Watch your language –MOVE TOWARDS what you want, NEVER focus on moving AWAY FROM what you don’t want . Re-align your thinking to what you want to achieve. Create a positive focus. Check your language. How do you talk to yourself about it every single day. Shift your energy before taking action!

Don’t worry about HOW it’s going to happen –Trying to FORCE something to happen can actually push it away because you create resistance! Once you put it out there, the Universe handles the details: the when, where and how! You’ll figure it all out as you go along and everything will happen at the right time. You don’t need to know ALL the details before you begin. Timing is all about aligning with your higher self.

Things start to flow – As you grow, you’ll start to notice opportunities open up for you. You’ll meet an old friend out of the blue who can help you. You’ll hear valuable information on the radio. Things start to happen around you and you’ll attract the right people to help you. You’ll get some traction and motivation as things begin to feel lighter and you feel more on purpose.

“You choose to do this work daily. Then you choose to do it again. There is no failure. There is no arrival. There is practice. And process. And persistence.”

~Christine Kane, Mentor

Have you ever had the experience of trying everything you knew to get promoted or help a member of the family or get new clients to buy your products or services in your business, but nothing seemed to work?

No matter how hard you try, the more you fear trying again. You start making hesitant attempts and in the end you might even stop trying. After all, no one wants to give his or her all when they are experiencing disappointment. You get stuck in a rut of disappointment and limiting and negative beliefs.

At this point you start to believe that nothing will work and you give up trying. The fear can be so strong that you become scared of trying again.

What I’m describing here is learned helplessness. Through your experiences of trying you have learned and now perceive that the situation is helpless: “I’m just not cut out for this!” Or “The Universe is trying to tell me something!” Or “I’ve tried everything!”

Here’s the good news…

This is a PERCEPTION… it’s not real. You still can make things happen and change your approach to get the results you want.

Here’s what you need to know…

We are deeply programmed to think negativity, talk negativity, focus on what’s not working, point out what we don’t like, and fill our heads with our judgments, opinions and criticisms. We are wired to look out for things going wrong – it’s our survival instincts. Blame it on our biology – We have our own built in resistance thanks to our Lizard Brain.

Knowing this can help…

Persistence is the key.

Being persistent can help you to get what you want. It’s about taking action despite the circumstances or whether you feel like it.

The longer you are persistent, the greater your chance of success.

Sometimes the odds may seem overwhelming, and everything seems to test your commitment to the goal you’re pursuing. Refuse to give up while you learn from each experience, develop and grow and commit to your original intention.

Here’s how being persistent can help you get what you want…

Re-Frame any negative beliefs – This is the first step… Get rid of the notion of learned helplessness – That you CAN’T do anything or that the situation is helpless. What has happened in the past doesn’t mean that it has to happen again in the future. It’s what you decide to do right NOW that counts. What can you do starting today that is different?

What’s Important here? Decide on what is important and start to take conscious deliberate action each day. WHY did you commit to this goal originally? How it will make you feel when you are successful? Get clear and focus your attention on moving forward. Give your goal High Value, write it down and keep it on your radar!

The best way out is through – Hang in there. Focus on the next single step and keep moving forward despite any setbacks or busy workloads. Re-define and maintain your boundaries. Show up and make it happen. Persevere until you find a way even when it doesn’t look as if it’s working. You will learn from every action you take and find better ways of doing things.

Deal with any resistance – You may experience criticism from others along the way. People may say NO – But keep going and keep growing. Don’t allow things to get in the way of you achieving your vision. Yes, people may think you’re CRAZY! That’s okay! Continue to plant the seeds, do the right things and take action. When confronted with any obstacle – try this:

Brainstorm each obstacle.

Avoidance is NOT a strategy!

Come up with at least 3 different strategies for each.

Be solution focused NOT problem focused.

Use an experienced mentor or coach as a sounding board.

Get an Accountability Partner –If you’re procrastinating, share your weekly actions with someone you know and trust. Check in with them at the end of the week to let them know your progress. This can help you stay accountable for your actions.

Pure persistence, consistent deliberate action and the flexibility to pursue your goal will ultimately give you want you want. Make it a daily habit.

Whatever your goal, you can make it happen with passionate work and consistent dedication. Stick at it! Learn from your mistakes. How you deal with your setbacks shapes your future!

Be persistent to get what you want in life or work!

“Success is the result of good judgment. Good judgment is the result of experience. Experience is often the result of bad judgment.

“If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are that you’ll fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what they may have planned for you? Not much.”

~ Jim Rohn

How’s your sense of direction?

Most people simply let their life happen to them. They wait, procrastinate and react. There’s no sense of urgency and certainly no strategy. They just get busy doing stuff…and time rolls on.

They stay stuck because they don’t know what to do.

We all burn through time so quickly. Before you know it most of your life is behind you. Reality sets in that you should have been more proactive and strategic, rather than waiting and putting things off.

I think it was Charles Handy who wrote that we live life backwards: the longer we live the more we learn and experience, by the time we have it all figured out we’re too old to do anything about it!

As a career strategist, I sometimes work with people who are confused because they have no idea what to do with their life, career or business…

It’s a bit like they are lost in a foreign city without a map. They don’t have a sense of purpose or direction. Their growth is random and chaotic. They drift from one idea to another and have no clue to where they want to go. In this confusion they collapse into a coach for the answer.

Here’s how I see it…

You have to develop your own sense of direction by creating two reference points:

1. ‘You are here’ – In other words, you need to know where you are now. Unfortunately this doesn’t appear on a notice board with a big arrow on it (like in a big city or shopping mall!). You have to sit down work it out for yourself. But there are some clues…

Your direction in life begins with SELF-AWARENESS. As John C Maxwell says: “You must know yourself to grow yourself!”

You have to get to know:

Your strengths

Your weaknesses

Your passion

Your opportunities

From my experience, most people lack self-awareness, don’t know their strengths or the value they bring to their daily lives. Start by focusing your attention here, because your natural strengths and passions are where you have the most potential for growth.

Do things that you are passionate about, not just interested in. There is a difference in the energy of these two words! Pay attention to:

What do you enjoy doing?

What would you like to do?

What are you good at (other people will tell you this)?

What would you like to do more of?

Why would you like to do this?

How can you get to do more of this?

Who can help you?

What is your investment to make this happen (time, resources, money, sacrifice)?

What’s your first step beginning today?

Get to know yourself and accept who you are in this moment. This can take time.

Okay… Our second reference point is…

2. Where you want to go –Your strengths hold the key for where you have the most potential for growth. So start here. If you focus on growing your strengths, you will build confidence in your abilities and these can help you to set a course for where you want to go. Look for opportunities to use your strengths along the way.

Knowing yourself and growing yourself are intertwined. The path might not be clear at first, but you’ll get momentum on your journey by learning new things and applying them as you go.

Here are a few things to consider:

DECIDE to be proactive and take it seriously.

COMMIT to action and be consistent.

GET SUPPORT – You can’t get to reach your destination on your own. You’ll need the help and guidance of others who can teach you.

TAKE DELIBERATE ACTION even when you don’t feel like it.

Life is short and we don’t get any rehearsal time so I encourage you to develop a strong sense of urgency and proactivity.

“Every time I thought I was being REJECTED from something good, I was actually being RE-DIRECTED to something better.”

~ Dr Steve Maraboli

I remember PE (Physical Education) at school when the teacher would select two kids to pick their basketball team alternatively from the class. We’d all sit there waiting (and hoping) to be selected by the person doing the picking. It was an intense moment and quite soul destroying if you weren’t picked until last. The feeling of embarrassment stayed with you for the whole lesson (and probably adversely affected your ability to perform).

If you look back at your own life I’m sure you can recall times when you’ve been rejected for things: a promotion, a job, a project, a team or even dumped by your latest boyfriend (or girlfriend) when you personally thought he (she) was THE ONE!

In the moment rejection can feel devastating.

Most of us would feel uncomfortable sharing our past rejections and failures – we keep them to ourselves because we’re frightened that we’ll be judged by them or people will think less of us. Instead, we keep those memories locked inside and only replay them in our head when we have self-doubt or uncertainty in the present.

Here’s the thing, though… We seem to forget that this happens to EVERYONE!

People get rejected and turned down all the time.

There are countless stories of courage and persistence in the public world to reinforce this. I read that Kathryn Stickett, the author of the The Help, was rejected 60 times by publishers. She went on to become a best selling author and got a film deal that ultimately won four academy awards!

Getting over rejection is a painful but a normal part of growth on our journey to success. As one door appears to slam in your face, another will open up before you. You have to dig in to find the courage to continue forward motion through your vulnerability and any letdowns.

Most people give up at this point and succumb to their limiting beliefs because they get stuck in discomfort and self doubt.

Here are a few ways to keep momentum and stay true to your goal:

1. Re-connect to your WHY. Take a little time to rest and regroup. Remind yourself of your WHYand in the face of self-doubt, get clear again. Refocus your attention on WHY you want to succeed. What will your life (or your business) look like, sound like or feel like? Allow courage to overcome any fear. Don’t let fear rule your decisions, just because somebody has challenged you. People WILL push up against you – especially when you’re doing something different. Learn to rescue yourself and step back in alignment with your vision every day.

2. Be prepared to do it scared! Live life on the EDGE… of your comfort zone! When you are growing and putting yourself out there, you are constantly challenging yourself: stretching out of your comfort zone to create a NEW NORMAL. Stretching takes courage and tenacity because things can feel uncomfortable and it can be a little scary. Get comfortable with uncomfortable. Choose to be courageous. Don’t be distracted by external noise – stay on course. Focus on your truth and what is important for you. Have faith in your intuition and believe in YOU.

3. Protect your confidence. This will keep you grounded and centred. Stop listening to those voices in your head because they aren’t the truth. Develop a deeper understanding of your emotions, strengths and limitations. Recognize how negative patterns can feel overwhelming and cause you distress. Let go of any emotions that are holding you back. I find journaling very useful for this. Start to recognize your own emotions and their impact. Take personal responsibility for your thinking.

See obstacles as opportunities as you navigate your journey. Rejection is just a container for growth. Inside it holds a powerful lesson that if released will make you stronger, determined and more successful.

Be honest with your feelings in the context of your work and be open to your doubts and fears. This vulnerability is a powerful learning tool if you can be open to it.

“A healthy and happy YOU is one of the greatest gifts you can give someone else. Yet most of us don’t look after ourselves. We are too busy getting things done to get around to looking after own emotional, psychological and physical needs as a human being. We only take it seriously when something goes wrong!”

- Elaine Bailey, Author, Speaker, Coach

Many of us spend most of our time doing things for everyone else: the boss, clients, family or friends. Sometimes our own needs are neglected. We relegate ourselves to the bottom of our To Do List hoping that we’ll get around to taking a break, eating healthily or going to the gym soon!

I was working with a coaching client recently who was exhausted with her busy life and the demands others placed upon her. She felt obliged to be the constant support for everyone else. The more she gave, the more they seemed to want. She was locked in this holding pattern because she didn’t want to let anyone down.

Taking personal timeout wasn’t an option and the thought of it made her feel guilty. How could she be so selfish and do something for herself?

My client had assumed the role of a rescuer in many of her current relationships. She’d become the go to person for everyone. She felt exhausted and unhappy.

She was:

Doing more than she really wanted to

Discounting her own needs

Doing more for others than they were willing to do for themselves

Our lives constantly inter-connect and we all have needs and wants. It’s sometimes hard for us to weigh our own needs against the needs of others and own needs get neglected as we try to help.

The truth is that we care and we want to help those that we love, but we also need to look out for ourselves.

We consciously hang onto our old conditioned patterns of behavior. My client had no-energy for herself, because she was unconsciously giving it all away to everyone else.

Taking care of YOU is NOT selfishness.

So what does ‘selfishness’ actually mean?

Selfishness – Many people confuse taking care of themselves with selfishness. There is a significant difference between the two. Selfishness is about getting what you want without any consideration for the other person’s needs. It’s usually at the expense of the other person. Selfishness is an intentional release of negative energy. For example, it’s purposely not sharing information with someone that might save them time, because it might make them look better than you.

Self-care – Is a totally different energy. You are look after your own well being in a healthy way. It’s a commitment that you make to yourself. A healthy and happy you is hugely important because your energy affects and interacts with everything and everybody that you come into contact with (See Radiators and Drains).

Invest in yourself.

If you’ve never done this before consciously, those closest to you may notice a difference and feel uncomfortable to begin with because you are doing things differently and they are not used to it. They prefer the ‘old you’ because they were easier to manipulate! Teach them how to treat you.

Here’s how to get started…

1. Take responsibility – We are each responsible for our own life and the choices we make. Therefore, we have the right to take care of our own needs. The balance between commitment to yourself and the desire to help someone else requires us to define some lines of responsibility. As a coach, I’m responsible to my client, but not for my client’s results. They have to take action in order to get a result. It’s more difficult to draw lines with those we love.

2. Determine your own needs and wants – To live authentically it’s important to consider your own needs, wants and to identify what’s important to you. This clarity helps you to live your core values and create your best life. You also get to decide when another’s needs supersede your own. Take conscious action do one thing every day for yourself.

3. Set some boundaries – As human beings we all have equal value, worth and dignity. You have the right to say no when you want to, to take care of yourself and to ask for what you want. It’s important to set boundaries with other people, so they know what is acceptable and not acceptable behavior. Boundaries help you to protect your authenticity, integrity and demonstrate how you value yourself and others.

You only get one life (and one body) so look after yourself. After all, your To Do List is pretty useless if you’re not around To Do it! Right?!

“Everything huge that I’ve ever achieved I started before I thought I was ready. I just did it scared and grew into it along the way!”

~ Elaine Bailey, Coach-Mentor, Author, International Speaker

In my role as a career strategist, I meet a lot of people who are settling and surviving in their current career while they are waiting and hoping for THAT DAY when they will get to do what they REALLY want to do.

I call this: “The Someday Syndrome!”

It looks like this:

“Someday…

…I’ll get my act together and start my own business.”

…I’ll do that course and get my qualification.”

…I’ll sign up for that Mastermind program because I know it will make all the difference to my success.”

…I’ll write that book.”

…I’ll change job and become a ……. I’ve always wanted to.”

SOMEDAY… Doesn’t exist.

It’s not real – It’s just an excuse you use to give yourself permission to stay stuck and settle where you are.

Someday is like an untethered kite blowing out of control in the wind. It holds your dream in suspended animation.

Someday has no deadline – it is infinite. Before you know it your life is over and that someday never came.

Here’s my question to you:

Instead of someday…Why not NOW?

Maybe you’re thinking that you’re not ready, perhaps this feels true? I know that if I’d waited to be ready, I’d still be working 9 to 5 in a Bank in East Yorkshire, UK. It was safe and secure!

Are you waiting to be ready?

…You might be waiting your entire lifetime for the right time and you’ll never do it.

Most people aren’t prepared to invest in their someday. So what they really want stays a dream. Someday comes at a price.

How much does someday cost?

This was a great question that one of my coaching clients asked me recently. I helped him break it down.

Doing what you want to do and living your dream involves personal investment.

It’s not just about gathering information, the hardest part is often implementation: taking the steps necessary to bring it to life. This will cost you time, commitment , attitude, and energy (even when you don’t feel like it). It can be hard work and yes, there may be a few sacrifices along the way.

One of the biggest obstacles of success is that we get in our own way. We lose the mental fight with our own laziness and ignorance when things feel too hard or difficult. We slip back to our comfort zone because it’s easier settle for what we already have.

For most people the price of success is too high. They prefer to settle for an easier life. They aren’t prepared to reach through their fears to find the courage to keep going and keep growing through change or take a few risks.

Here’s how I see it…

I only get one life. I owe it to myself to make the most of my days here and make each one count.

I dare to dream BIG and go deeper than I’ve ever gone.

I don’t always know how to do it, but I’ll do it anyway.

There will be days where I’ll challenge myself because I want to quit.

There will be days where I never knew that my life could be so beautiful.

I’m here to make a difference and I’m following my heart.

I’m committed to keep learning and growing and leading.

I’m honored to do what I do and blessed to notice that the work I’m doing affects the lives of those I serve in such a positive way.

Doing what you want to do has its ups and downs like everything in life. It may take more time and effort than you anticipated.

But the pay off is huge…

It changes your life from deep within. You feel more alive and the returns on you, your family and the people you serve are even bigger than you would even begin to imagine.

“Nobody ever got ready by waiting. You only get ready by starting.”
~ John Maxwell.