Coping When a Parent Has an Alcohol or Drug Problem

If you live with a parent who has an alcohol or drug problem, you're not alone.
Alcohol problems and addictions
to drugs (such as opioids)
are called substance use disorders.

Substance use disorders harm a person's health, and change the way they act. They
cause problems at home and work. It's not easy living with someone who has a substance
use problem. Especially if it's your parent.

If you are going through this, tell someone what it's like for you. Get the support
you need and deserve.

What's it Like to Live With a Parent Who Has a Substance Use Problem?

Living with a parent who has a substance use problem is hard. It can affect how
you feel and act. It can affect your family life too. What it's like is different
for each person. Here are some common examples. See if some of them describe what's
it's like for you.

How people might feel. Some people feel:

embarrassed, angry, or sad about a parent's substance use

worried about their parent's health or safety

worried for themselves, siblings, or their other parent

scared, alone, or unsafe at home

frustrated when their parent doesn't change

relieved when a parent takes steps to recover

it's hard to trust or relax

they have to be an adult before they're ready

overwhelmed

depressed or anxious

How people might act. Some people:

try hard not to upset a parent who drinks too much

try to stay out of a parent's way

may not speak up, or ask for what they need

keep their feelings to themselves

keep their parent's problem a secret

hide what their life is like at home

avoid having friends over because they never know how their parent will act

miss school, or have trouble keeping up with schoolwork

take on adult tasks

argue or fight with a parent

harm themselves

act like they don't care, even if they are hurting

How family life might be affected. In some families with substance
problems:

a parent has trouble keeping a job or paying the bills

there may not be enough food or money

older siblings may have to take care of younger ones

parents mistreat, abuse, or neglect their children

a parent may drive drunk or high. They may get into trouble, get hurt, or hurt
others.

What Can I Do?

If you're living with a parent who has a substance use problem, you might be having
a tough time. Reach out to others for safety, help, and support. Here are some things
to do:

Open up to someone. Talk to a good friend. Also talk to an adult
you trust. For example, a teacher, doctor, therapist,
or relative. Let them know what you're going through. It can be a relief to share
what it's like for you. And they may be able to help you in other ways.

Know that it's not your fault. Some people blame themselves for
their parent's substance use. They may think about times when a parent was angry or
blamed them. They may wonder if they caused a parent to drink or use drugs. But kids
can't cause a parent's substance problem.

Know and name your emotions. Don't bury your feelings or pretend
that everything's OK. Notice how a parent's substance problem makes you feel. It's
OK to feel the way you do. Use words (and not harmful actions) to express how you
feel and why.

Find a support group. Find a group like Al-Anon/Alateen
(they have a 24-hour hotline at 1-800-344-2666) or go online for help. Join a support
group. Talking with others who are going through the same thing can help you cope.

Find a safe place. Do you avoid home as much as possible? Are
you thinking about running away? If you feel you're not safe at home, you can call
the National Domestic Violence Hotline at
(800) 799-SAFE. If you think you or another family member could be in danger, call
911.

Build good habits. Some people learn not to speak up or show emotion.
They worry it may trigger a parent's drinking or substance use. Habits like these
may help you survive tough times at home. But they may not work in other parts of
your life. Being able to speak up, say how you feel, and show emotion helps you have
good relationships in the future. Sometimes people need therapy to build good habits
they were not able to learn living with an alcoholic or addicted parent.

Stop the cycle. People who have parents with substance use problems
are at higher risk of having these problems too. A support group or therapy can help
you learn how to avoid this risk.