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hi, am posting on behalf of my sister who is currently in hospital as she has got herself in a bit of a pickle and was after some advice please.

Basically she has split from an ex boyfriend (no blood relation to either child) a couple of years now but have continued allowing him to take and look after my sister's 2 kid's at various times during the week and weekends as well. as the children enjoyed spending time with him and his family.

I don't know the real reason as off yet but my sister and ex has had a falling out and she's not letting him see her kid's anymore.

He today has sent my sister a letter saying that he has sought advice and that due to time spent with the kid's etc that he is entitled to continue to see them and has given her till friday to respond before he take it any further.

am not too sure at minute, she was saying that one child dosn't like to sleep on his bed at the ex house as the mattress springs have gone, but am thinking that there might be more than that and will beat it out of her tomorrow.

There are some posts on this site about whether grandparents have the right to see their grandchildren, which I think is much the same situation. It seems anyone can ask to bring a court case for access to kids. But the answer is usually no.

unless the children are in danger/being abused by him or his family it would seem to be really petty and selfish to cut the kids off from a supportive relationship, family aren't always just blood.

Obviously if she does suspect something is going on then she is absolutely right to stop the access. But I wonder if her ex has found himself a new girlfriend and your sister doesn't like it?

Although legally he doesn't have any automatic rights I could see a court ruling it is in the best interests of the child to continue to see him in the same way grandparents or step parents might get access. Better for the kids to settle things calmly between them tbh

Ali x

"Overthinking every little thing
Acknowledge the bell you cant unring"

Okay, my sister has received a court summons as her ex is taking her to court for custody of the 2 kids.

He recently sent her a text saying that she's an unfit mother, due to her not been able to work (she has medical reasons) and that he can offer the kids a better life as he has 3 jobs etc.
Although my sister isn't in work they don't go without, have tablets, games consols, eat out a lot and go away in a caravan and day trips. Also more importantly they go to school everyday.
My dad helps my sister out a lot with support and financially with the kids etc.

I just can't understand how her ex who isnt the father to either child, can try gain custody of the kids when they have/are probably better off then most familes.
This is one of the reasons why my sister wanted to stop him from seeing the children as he is so controlling.

She only lived with him for 6 months, although children have been in contact for 4 years after and he's never been giving any parental right.

9 and 7 are their ages and the oldest knows he is not his father as he see's his dad's family from time to time.

I could understand that he would want to remain in contact as he has helped raise them, some of the reasons my sister has told me seem a little petty, she says the eldest has told her that if he's naughty he gets hit round the head. Others seem a little petty like they are eating tea between 6 and 7pm and going to bed late. Although she didn't mention if these were school night's.
It's just the fact that he is trying to gain custody that has really annoyed me.

Why of why can't your sister agree to discuss issues with him then instead of using her power to take away all what he invested, if anything, emotionally. His suing is his way of trying to convince himself and her that he too has some power. In the meantime, the kids are the ones losing out.

Ok, her solicitor will be able to advise her. However, the basic rule is that there are a small number of people (parents, and people who the child has been living with, mainly) who have an automatic right to make applications about arrangements for children. Then for those who don't fall into that category, it is possible to apply to the court for permission to apply for contact / residence / other arragements. Typically the appluication for permission will be on the same forms as the application for a child arragnemts order, and the court will deal with the permission bit first, and then go on to deal with the other issues immediately if permission is granted.

There is no automatiright to contact for a step-parent but the over-riding aim for the Judge or magistrates is to make orders based on what is in the best interst of the children.

f the children have a strong, ongpoing relationship with their step-dad then it may well b in their best interests to continue to spend time with him, even if Mum is not on board with the idea.

If there has been an arrangemtns for over 2 years when the adults have been separated but the childnre have spent significant amounts of time with their step-dad and have a positive relationship with him, one question your sister might need to ask herself is how it will effect them if they are no longer allowed to see him?

It may be that he is seeking for them to live with him beacuase he has concenrs about the care your sister is proviing. It's also possible that the children may be tryingto paly them off against each other - you mention that you nephew has claimed his step-dad has hit him - is it possible that he has said similar things about his mum? Do you think that his allegation is likely to be true?

It's also possibl that he feels that the childnre have already been efectively living with him, and he wants to formalise that.

It is unlikelythat a court would move childnre to live with a non-relative is they have a parent who is willing and able to look after them, however, it is likely that it would be in their interests to be ableto continue to see someone who, from waht you say, has ben a stable, and well-loved, father figure in their lives for a prolonged period.

If this man has been a father figure for four and a half years, then that is half the life of the older child and around three quarters of the life of the younger child. A heck of a long time for kids aged 7 and 9.

Presumably your sister wants what is best for her children, so a meeting with her ex, perhaps with mediation, would be a wise move. He may be applying for custody as retaliation for her preventing him from seeing the children that he has helped to raise and grown to love. It's not a good move, but perhaps borne of anger and fear of not seeing the children again. It could also be, as others have said, that he is concerned about the stability of their homelife and your sister's ability to care for them properly as she is ill.

Buying children games consoles and taking them out for tea are very nice, but not essential to being a good parent.

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