I had that same problem with my mom to. Whenever I have to get bras she can't believe that I need to get them because she has used the same one for 10 years.

Exactly. 32 nearly A is a far far cry from 32DD. She let me buy a 34A since I was "fatter" than her, which covered more surface area but whoa nelly, did nothing for the girls, so to speak. However, the first time I came home from college in a properly fit bra she proclaimed "You lost weight!" Nope, it's just cause my chest was finally up where it was supposed to be.

For me, it's a grandmother problem rather than a mother one. It's been an accepted fact in my family since my childhood that I have "nice legs". I'm not sure what their criteria for it is. So naturally, having nice legs, I ought to show them off... and thus get a lot of lectures about how I should be showing them off and wearing good pants instead of long skirts. Then again, when I do wear pants I get lectures about how I should be wearing dresses, or how they're not the right kind of pants, so I suspect some of it is that she just likes to complain.

Now me, it was my Dad who criiticised my dress. Mum never did, probably because she (born 1915) had a Mum who would look at her and her older sisters and sniff "I suppose you think you look nice like that" to which Aunt P. would reply "Yes, I do". But then Grandma was born into a world where women did not show their legs, and necklines were high.

My mother seemed to forget I'm slightly taller than she is. She'd go on these binges where she'd unload a lot of her clothes onto me, including pants. She's 5', I'm 5'2" and she'd hem her pants so they'd fit her perfectly. So on me they'd be 2" too short in the leg. I'd point this out and she'd say "Well you don't have to keep it, it won't hurt my feelings." so thankfully there was that.

But then the next time she'd clean out her closet, I'd get a bag of pants again. Mind you she always had Purple Heart come to pick up bags of clothes from our front step so it's not like it would have been a hassle to just toss these pants into a bag and call them for a pickup. But no she'd give them to me to get rid of, basically.

DH tries to get me to wear shorter skirts to show off my legs and I do have a few that are cut just below the knee but I really don't like to wear skirts that are much shorter than knee length. Mainly because I absolutely loathe wearing pantyhose and at least with floor length broomstick skirts, I can get away without wearing them cause no one can see my legs!

Logged

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

I have some of the same issues with my mom. I am a bit fluffy, so I prefer to wear black, brown, navy, etc. on my bottom half. I also like black, but certainly don't wear it every day. I like bright colors as well! Yet it seems like she's always looking at what I have one, and either commenting "black again?" or "so nice to see you in colors!"

She also doesn't get that things have changed since I started working 25 years ago. Back then, I dressed up more for work, nice skirts and pants, jackets, and sweaters. and an occasional suit. Now, its all business casual, but that doesn't stop her, when we're shopping, on looking at suits for me. Even though I've told her over and over no one where I work wears them, so I don't NEEEED one.

She is also funny about jeans, and also about "looking nice" for holidays. I got her one year though. We used to go to friends every thanksgiving, and they have two daughters about my age. She was insistent that I "look nice" so I wore nice wool pants, with a top and jacket. The other two? Khakis and a nice tee, and the other had jeans on! So after that I finally put my foot down and said you know waht, as long as its not ripped, stained, showing too much, if Iwant to dress more casually, I'm going to so I don't look like an idiot.

I went through several different styles in my teens, 20s and 30s: a hippie/boho phase, the thrift store phase, the goth phase, the retro phase, etc. My mother didn't like any of them. Typical phrases from my mother when I was in these phases:

"Are you going out dressed like that?"

"I will not be seen with you dressed like that."

"You look better in tailored clothes."

My favorite: "I bought you these earrings. I thought they looked weird, so I figured you would like them."

My mother was a school teacher in the '80s and '90s. At her school, teachers were expected to wear dresses, skirts, or dress pants. Regardless of the job I had, for my birthday or Christmas I would receive a work outfit that would be appropriate for a teacher at my mother's school. Think matching floral-patterned tops and skirts complete with dainty lace collars. So not me.

I'm in my mid-40s now, and my mother hates that I wear a lot of black. I love wearing black. I'm very pale-skinned and have blonde hair. Black is quite a contrast. I get compliments when I wear black, which motivates me to continue wearing it despite my mother. My mother says I get compliments about wearing black because people are just trying to be nice. Hmm ... My mother's response: She buys me pink clothes.

She also is convinced that I am much shorter than I am. I am 5'4"; she is 5'5". Because I am "so short," she buys me petite-length pants. For my birthday, she bought me "capri pants." They're not capri pants; they're petite-length pants, which I am slightly too tall to wear. My legs are too long for petite clothing. She said she noticed when she held the pants up to herself that they were too short for her, so that means they are capri pants. They are too long to be capris. The cut does not suggest "ankle pants." I can't wear them. One year, my mother bought me a wool jacket and coordinating plaid skirt (so preppy) for Christmas. She decided the skirt would be too long for me, so she had a seamstress lop off two inches before she wrapped it. Given the cut, the skirt was too short after it was altered, and I never wore it. The length and drape weren't right.

And bras: I wonder if some mothers (like mine) view larger cup sizes as being "slutty." My mother bought me 34A and 34B bras randomly for many years. I have no idea how she decided on my bra size. I think she wears a 34A, but I have no idea whether she's wearing the right size. A few years ago, I had myself professionally measured. I'm a 34DD. The salesclerk referred to me as being "busty." Coming from the land of the 34B, I certainly had never considered myself to be busty. It was the first time anyone ever called me that!

Its definitely a mother thing. My late mother criticized my clothes all my life, and I'm in my 40's. The most memorable time was several years ago. I was invited to give the keynote address at a national conference for my profession. I was so excited, but when I called my mother, the first thing she said was, "what are you going to wear?" LOL

I am grown up, and my mother is still trying to tell me what to wear in terms of styles and colors etc. I know what colors and styles work best for my plus size body. I know what clothing is appropriate for the occasion or place, example: a nice dressy yet modest shirt and dressy slacks (or knee length skirt) for church.

But my mother isn't one for wearing up to date styles and prefers simple clothing yet conservative. I don't necessarily like everything she owns and wears but I do not tell her what to wear.

So what is the best way to deal with these comments? And should the response depend on the degree of financial independence from one's mother?

Here's my advice: 1) Ignore what she's actually saying about the clothes/hair/ink/etc.2) Interpret what she means in the most positive possible way (she wants me to succeed at work, she thinks my figure is worth flattering, she believes I deserve to look fantastic, ... )3) Respond not to the suggestion but your loving interpretation of her intent.

Sometimes a more direct approach is more appropriate, but sometimes this is the perfect tool for the job.

My mother knew my tastes because they were quite conservative and very close to hers. When I told her that my Wedding dress was 'layers of cotton lace', she had a fit. In her mind, I was going to look like a toilet roll cover when she knew that I would never buy anything like that, especially since I don't fuss over clothes.

The actual dress was a knee-length sheath with a boat neckline and long, lace sleeves. It was conservative and appropriate for a bride in her 30s.

We once went shopping together and I tried on a very nice red suit. I decided not to buy it and my mother was relieved. 'I can't see you wearing red'. On the shopping trip I was wearing a red dress.

Parents, you love them but they can drive you crazy. You can also say that insanity is inherited. You get it from your children.

So what is the best way to deal with these comments? And should the response depend on the degree of financial independence from one's mother?

As to your first question, it depends on your relationship with your mother. Some parents can successfully be bean dipped. Some people can turn it into a joke with their mother "Oh mom, aren't you funny bringing up the color orange again!" With my mother, I reached a point where I told here I would end any conversation in which she brought up my wardrobe. She continued to bring it up for a few years, so I would stand up and walk out of the room, end the phone call, put on headphones, etc. For her it took until somebody else pointed out that my mother was insulting her daughter-in-law as well.

I'm fairly sure the second question will get a wide range of responses. In my opinion, it does depend on the degree of independence to an extent. As a high school student, my mother did not want me wearing spaghetti strap shirts that showed my bra or short shorts, and as her child I had to follow those rules to live in her house. However, once I was making my own money, through baby sitting and part time jobs, the style of the clothes I purchased were none of her business as long as they met her modesty standards and were appropriate for certain occasions (church, weddings, funerals, etc). And as a financially independent adult, her opinion about my clothing will not change what I wear at all.

When I was first married, I favored bright colors. MIL had been to some kind of seminar about dressing according to your 'season'. She informed me that I was a 'Winter Person'. Therefore, I should limit my strong colors to navy blue and hunter green. I could add a bit of baby blue or mint but I should never wear any warm colors and I should wear lots and lots of white.

BOOOORING!

On a visit to Vermont, she and FIL wanted to buy me a new ski jacket. She really pushed for a navy model. That is when I became a purple parka person.

Umm, did she sleep through half the seminar? Or did the presenter not know what they were talking about? Because Winters get a LOT of bright colors (and hunter green isn't one of them).Oh, and I'm considered a Winter, and I cannot wear mint green. At all. Although that may just be me.

Fellow Winter, and my closet is full of purple. Now, it is supposed to be a bright royal purple, especially if it is next to your face, but I have a pair of dark plum trousers, and several lavender tops. So, yes, bright cool colors are in the Winter palette. Green and red can be tricky because they have a warm component. Doesn't stop me from having emerald green and crimson red.

My mother wasn't into clothing at all, so she never said anything about what I wore, even a couple of dresses that were literally too short to comfortably sit down. However, she was a classic Autumn: browns, dark green, bright orange, yellow. Colors that looked great on her but make me look jaundiced. Now throw in her love for double-knit polyester. I had to request that she stop buying me clothing for birthday and Christmas presents.