CRAIG CONLEY (Prof. Oddfellow) is recognized by Encarta as “America’s most creative and diligent scholar of letters, words and punctuation.” He has been called a “language fanatic” by Page Six gossip columnist Cindy Adams, a “cult hero” by Publisher’s Weekly, and “a true Renaissance man of the modern era, diving headfirst into comprehensive, open-minded study of realms obscured or merely obscure” by Clint Marsh. An eccentric scholar, Conley’s ideas are often decades ahead of their time. He invented the concept of the “virtual pet” in 1980, fifteen years before the debut of the popular “Tamagotchi” in Japan. His virtual pet, actually a rare flower, still thrives and has reached an incomprehensible size. Conley’s website is OneLetterWords.com.

At work we saw an ad in the paper for
an "Open House" at a naturist (i.e. "nudist") camp in this area. One of
my co-workers, scanning the items on the program, remarked "Oh, it
includes a pancake breakfast."

Wilfred Funk once collected a list of "the most beautiful words in
English." The list includes such words as dawn, tranquil, hush, golden,
halcyon, camellia, myrrh, jonquil, lullaby, and melody. Pictured below
are four more words from Funk's list. Can you guess them?

The answer: Top left: AMARYLLIS. Top right: CHIMES. Bottom left: ORIOLE. Bottom right: GOSSAMER. (The answer is in black text on the black background. Highlight it to view.)

[S]he walked out of the studio one day,
just like that. Pfft.” He made a little gesture with his
hands. —Robert Rodi, Kept Boy.

* The British expression "noise stroke gesture" (in American parlance, "noise slash gesture" or "noise/gesture") refers to the intriguing fact
that some vocal expressions seem to call for an accompanying hand
gesture. Take, for example, Pfft! No matter what its intended meaning, it virtually demands to be echoed in sign language. Have you noticed a pfft hand gesture in print? Please share!

For a variety of surprising definitions of pfft, check out my Dictionary of All-Consonant Words at OneLetterWords.com.

“Though I knew not the meaning of a single letter, and had not the
means of finding out, I loved to look at them and think that some day I
should probably understand them all.” —Hannah Crafts, The Bondwoman’s Narrative

I was recently flimflammed, or possibly hornswoggled. I'm okay
with this; but what concerns me is that I don't know the
difference. Are there guidelines that you can furnish that will
allow me, in future, to approach flimflamming and hornswoggling
interactions with a better ability to distinguish the two?

Though your girlfriend's a friend of mine
Here's my number and a dime, call me anytime

ADJUSTED FOR INFLATION:

Though your girlfriend's a t.v. reporter
Here's my number and a quarter, call me McWhorter

* Payphones used to take dimes, but now they take quarters. Isn't
it time to update song lyrics to reflect the realities of
inflation? Alas, it's vastly easier to rhyme the word "dime" than
the word "quarter," but here at Inflationary Lyrics Headquarters we
have risen to the challenge. Please join the fun and share your
own inflationary lyrics, with both the "before" and "after" versions!

"Imagine a letter that knows its own composition of straight and curved
members, its image density, its phonemic sound, its linguistic
frequency, its relation to neighbouring letters, its function in a
sentence . . . We're exploring computer art to discover what lives at
the crossroads." —3-D graphic designer Peter Cho

"In Tantra, there is a principle called 'varna,' which holds that sound
is eternal and that every letter of the alphabet is a deity." —Kerr
Cuhulain, Full Contact Magick: A Book of Shadows for the Wiccan Warrior