Category Archive: Film Reviews

In a provincial town in France, 1932, a widow, Madame Danzard (Julie Walters) and her daughter, Isabelle (Sophie Thursfield) live an insular, suffocated life with their maid, Christine Papin (Joely Richardson). Christine’s younger sister, Lea (Jodhi May), comes to work at the house, which is when the action of the film begins. Madame Danzard runs …

If Kevin Smith had made a documentary about the Serbian porn industry, prior to making Clerks—this would be that film. I’m 90% certain this is a documentary, by the way. 95%. I’m pretty sure this is real. The premise/story is that the filmmaker Nenad Bekvalac missed his ex-girlfriend who was a stripper-turned-porn star. She’s now …

[You’re on the correct site—this film is here because it’s Service Porn. I haven’t lost my mind.] It’s 1932 and roughly 900 British actors descend on a country house out in the …country. (The only British actors not present are Emma Thompson, Hugh Grant and Judi Dench, but Judi’s daughter attends in her stead. Hugh …

Mona (Orsolya Torok-Illyes) arrives at a bleak social services office, where a man informs her that a report has been made concerning a child of three years of age. The child was in the care of the child’s aunt and she was made to perform for money and has also drunk brandy to make her …

This film heralds the genesis of a new tag on the site ‘so you don’t have to’. As in ‘I watched it so you don’t have to’. Woo boy. I found this through the Wikipedia article on BDSM in film, which doesn’t say what or how much kink is in any given piece of…cinema. I’ll …

A couple who’ve been together a few months are having difficulties because the man—Paul (Sagamore Stevenin) is no longer interested in sex. He doesn’t think it’s important. Marie (Caroline Ducey) heartily disagrees. She wants to be with him every night. He gives her tacit permission to have an affair—or at least wouldn’t be bothered if …

The titular Kelly (Antonia Campbell-Hughes) and Victor (Julian Morris) meet at a club on his 28th birthday. After which they go back to her place and snort something called meow meow then have unprotected sex where it becomes apparent she’s something of a sadist, strangling him (with no negotiation and what appears to be without …

Morosgovanyi (Csaba Czene) is an orderly to an exceedingly harsh lieutenant in the Hungarian military during the Second World War. Life is brutal so he spends time exploring his perversions (including sticking something flammable in his urethra) and fantasies (like getting a handjob from the Little Match Girl). One of these fantasies—which turns into one …

Petra von Kant (Margit Carstensen) is a successful fashion designer. She’s also rather self-absorbed and doesn’t appear to leave her house—the world comes to her. She loves a wig and extravagant outfits even though she doesn’t go out. (This isn’t due to agoraphobia—it’s more down to the film being based on a play.) Her assistant, …

Olivier (Gerard Depardieu) has just moved to Paris, and he doesn’t have a place to stay. He asks an acquaintance in the city, Mario (Andre Rouyer), who has recently begun earning his living honestly if he may stay with him, as he doesn’t start work until September (we aren’t told what month it presently is). …

Episode the Twenty-Eighth; Wherein the Pageist explores the good, the bad and the sexy things that happen when kink is portrayed on film. .49 Intro & Announcements: Three new Facebook likes: Welcome to Bee, Nicholas and Jenni! Someone took the survey (this one here) and said they enjoyed the diversity of books reviewed. Thank you! …

There are films that exist outside of themselves—by that I mean—it’s impossible for the viewer to completely suspend disbelief, as they are regularly brought to the present by the question, ‘How did this get made? What were the circumstances that allowed this to happen?’ Caligula falls into this category. The Night Porter isn’t nearly as …

Prologue In a segment that is silent and black and white, we are shown three different, brief scenes, with titles between them explaining what’s happening a la the early days of cinema. First is Johann who enters a Russian town through immigration control. Then Dr Stasov, who adopts Siamese infants. Two boys of Asian extraction …

Whore’s Glory is a 2011 documentary by Austrian filmmaker Michael Glawogger that follows the lives of prostitutes in three different countries. Bangkok, Thailand (The Fish Tank) The women clock into work, briefly bowing before a statue and saying a little prayer they’ll be chosen, then have their hair and make up done by people on …

I’ve been avoiding writing this review for weeks. So I’m just going to do it. I have vertigo right now so feel a little drunk and that’s perfect for reasons that will become apparent in a little bit. This probably won’t be my best review ever, but this… thing… wasn’t the best viewing experience ever, …

After his father has a stroke, Jeffery Beaumont (Kyle MacLachlan) returns to his small town in North Carolina to help with the family hardware store. He’s standing in a field after visiting his father one day and comes across a severed human ear, which he puts in a small paper bag and takes to the …

Lynn (Vicky Krieps) is the housekeeper every person who has ever stayed at a hotel wants—she is meticulous. She even cleans rooms no one has stayed in. Prior to the action of the film, Lynn voluntarily spent some time in a mental hospital, though we don’t find out why. (This film leaves many questions unanswered. …

I wasn’t looking at the screen when Gaspar Noe’s Love started—I was looking at my laptop—and the first thing I hear is Bean saying, ‘Well, dang.’ I look up and, on my Netflix-showing screen is a woman stroking a very erect dick with her face right next to it while a dude is enthusiastically fingering …

Two theatre actors have been struggling with a scene in the play they’re in. Before the matinee performance Daniel (Steven McAlistair—NOT Alan Cumming) goes to talk to his co-star Mariah (Alicia Whitsover) about ‘art’ and ‘truth’ or something. He tries reblocking—changing the way they move during the scene—without the director’s approval or even anyone else …

Episode the Third. In which The Pageist reads naughty fairy tales, reminds everyone that even Roman Emperors had to deal with complete nonsense and bids farewell to a true gentleman and artist, Mr Alan Rickman. (Also anal sex safety snails!) 00.44 Intro & Announcements The Pageist is now on iTunes. Please rate the show and …