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Canada apologises to the US:

A truly Canadian Apology to the USA, courtesy of Rick Mercer from This Hour Has 22 Minutes, CBC Television:

Hello. I'm Anthony St. George on location here in Washington.

On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry. I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron, but it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all, it's not like you actually elected him.

I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you, doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own. It would be like if, well, say you had ten times the television audeince we did and you flood our market with great shows, cheaper than we could produce. I know you'd never do that.

I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defence I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours. As word of apology, please accept all of our NHL teams which, one by one, are going out of business and moving to your fine country.

I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you want to have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons.

I'm sorry we burnt down your White House during the War of 1812. I see you've rebuilt it! It's very nice.

I'm sorry for Alan Thicke, Shania Twain, Celine Dion, Loverboy, that song from Seriff that ends with a really high-pitched long note. Your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer, but we feel your pain.

And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this. Because we've seen what you do to countries you get upset with.

omg lmao...too funny...but we can't help it American's are dumb, that bush is a moron or we're obviously better at hockey.....it comes natural, all of it :P

Posted By: Anonymous

While this has to be one of the funniest things I've read in a while, I can't help but critique on the fact that all of you are bashing the intelligence of the American populus using "sentences" such as 'Awesome, americans suck ne ways!' and 'American's are dumb' just cracked me up... fwankers. For the record, I'm also Canadian, you're all just idiots. -Rob

Rob man, chill out, we're just poking fun at America and saying what we feel like saying. They prbably poke fun at us too so if you don't like the comments, don't say that we're all idiots because we're just having fun the way Canadians do ;) . Great joke by the way!!!

Posted By: Anonymous

Sure our president is a moron but that doesn't mean I would trade a good one to live in your wishy washy (hide when trouble comes) lame place that you call home. By the way we Americans wish to apologize to you that all you could come up with are trees and a few singers. Of course your NHL players want to be here! Don't worry we dislike you Canadians just as much as you dis-like us. Hopefully you will never have to face a dilemma in your land cause then you will have to eat your words and ask us for help--AGAIN. Cheers to you for your prescription drugs!

Posted By: Anonymous

im british and you both suk

Posted By: Anonymous

Hey British guy, how 'bout that Andy Jackson and all those Kentuckians down the might Mississip', huh?

"We took a little bacon and we took a little beans and we caught the bloody British in the town of New Orleans.. "

How does the rest of that one go?
Hmmm, lessee, wasn't there something about..

"Well they ran through the briars and they ran through the brambles and they ran through the bushes where a rabbit wouldn't go. They ran so fast the hounds couldn't catch up on down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico."

Yeah, that's it.
Bye now..

Posted By: Anonymous

It must be terribly disconcerting to know that your independence rests entirely on our sufferance.

Posted By: Anonymous

Dude, I think you'll find that Pierre Trudeau patriated the Canadian Constitution in 1982.

Posted By: Anonymous

"It must be terribly disconcerting to know that your independence rests entirely on our sufferance."

I love This Hour Has 22 Minutes. I don't watch it that often, but when I do, I just love this sort of thing.

Posted By: Anonymous

Ok, I'm American and thought this hysterical. And totally true. However, I must comment on the fact that we TRY to poke fun at you Canadians, but the true problem is that this country in general gives off wayy to much fuel for this fire, and your country doesn't give off much of any! Not fair! I've been trying to come up with jokes to poke fun at my Canadian friend and instead keep sending him jokes poking on the US. Hmm, there's something wrong with this picture. Anyways, this way good for a laugh. Keep it up. ~Liz

Posted By: Anonymous

By the way, it was an American moron who decided to put all the people in the position to suffer anyways. Canadians were the smart ones to stay outta it! (Gee, I think I'm turning into a Canadian at heart) So go tell your sob stories somewhere esle dude! We don't give a damn here. ~Liz

Posted By: Anonymous

hey liz what sob stories are you talking about? just wondering who you're talking to

Posted By: Anonymous

Oh hey, I was just directing to the person who posted: "It must be terribly disconcerting to know that your independence rests entirely on our sufferance." Yeah. You can see how I feel about that stupid comment. ~Liz

Posted By: Anonymous

for sure.

Posted By: Anonymous

i wonder if there is as much hostility between sweden and norway as there is between canada and the u.s.

Posted By: Anonymous

I live in Texas. (I don't ride a horse and I didn't vote for Bush) However all of us are not as ignorant as our leader would have you think. It's a ploy see, he is just acting stupid to.... Oh who am I trying to kid, our electorial process is to blame. When a man doesn't get the popular vote and he still wins something is amiss. Thanls for the chucks. Martin

Posted By: Anonymous

Martin -- glad to see that this hasn't caused you genuine offense. In your experience, do Americans even bother to tell jokes about Canadians? Actually, my South American friends would clobber me for having put the question that way. We -- Inuit, Canadians, US citizens, Mexicans, Paraguaians, Panamanians, Colombians, Brazilians, Argentinians, Peruvians, etc -- are all from 'the Americas', the two vast continents of the new world. In other words, my S. American friends would be offended if "the Americas" would be simplified to the US.

Posted By: Anonymous

Haha good joke... Im in grade 8 and my teacher said if the election was in canada kerry would have won by a land slide. and the only reason gorge won was beacause he said that kerry wasint supporting the war in iraq? wtf is that. and in the end kerry lost. uhhm (idiotic)

Too True. Go Colin Mochrie! ^.~ It's even funnier if you actually see it on T.V. though XD

|| + ||

Posted By: Anonymous

haha thats really funny

Posted By: Anonymous

AMERICA KICKS ASS

Posted By: Anonymous

America Kicks Ass?!?! LOL - I think you're on the wrong site dude. This is the site where CANADA Kicks Ass. ~Liz

Posted By: Anonymous

I'm american, but my boyfriend is Canadian. He gave me this site, and i love it. I esspacially like this one! :)

Posted By: Anonymous

Eh it is a sad day when all you can really vote between are two idiots and either way one of those idiots are going to win so even if we had kerry would would be trading a dislexic bafoon for an indecisive dolt. The only bright side I've seen to him being elected again is that he can't be elected again. No instead we will get another person with an even lower Iq. I say we vote for a rock. -Justin

Posted By: Anonymous

I noticed some of you guys were wondering if those of us here in the U.S. poke fun at Canadians. We try, we really do. The only jokes that i've heard about Canada that are any good come from South Park. Kinda sad isn't it?

Posted By: Anonymous

hey guys dont feel bad about making fun of americans...their population is many times the size of our population so just imagine how many of them are bashing Canadians. Plus this is funny as hell

Posted By: Anonymous

thanks Rob but im not an idiot. so you can tae your smart-a$$ comments somewhere else because im sick of hearing what you have to say.:) okay?

Posted By: Anonymous

it sucks should take it off the web

Posted By: Anonymous

It was the British forces from Britain who burned down the White House, not freaking Canadians. Canucks desperately claim that they were the British Canadians, but as a matter of fact, they were the pure English, not some retarded British Canadians...the pure English are so much better than them.

How should I describe Canada? Massive land, but all the smart people move to the Land of Free...because they got sick of high taxes, retarded government, Paul Martin, etc.
Eventually we see them hoisting the flag of Glory..

ROFL LIKE THIS IS FUCKED UP MOST STUFF WE HAVE AT OUR HOMES ARE INVENTED BY THESE GENIUS AMERICANS...HAHAHA CANADA CAN BE FUCKED OVER ANYDAY BY AMERCANS

Posted By: Anonymous

i guess its too bad that so many canadians drive american made cars, that americans provide your country with many jobs, that most canadians choose to visit america, but most americans choose not to visit canada, you know why, because americans could care less

Posted By: Anonymous

It must be why Jim carrey, pam anderson, mike myers, and the list goes on of canadians who wish to reside in your country

Posted By: Anonymous

wait, they live in america

Posted By: Anonymous

I am American (as you canadians say) and I proudly voted for George Bush

Posted By: Anonymous

why is it canadians are so infatatuated with america, i live close to the border going to school and recently discovered CBC, why is it almost every top story has to do with america, or george bush, dont you have your own news and wouldnt you guys like to talk about what is going on in your own country instead of talking about america so much, are you guys that bored in canada, wow

Posted By: Anonymous

i am american, i like canada, my best friend is canadian, but it shocks me the things that canadians say, canada could not survive as a country without america, think of the american cars, businesses such as walmart and many other american businesses that are in canada that you use everyday, i bet most canadians have to been to the US at one point or another, I have friends who have never heard of montreal, vancouver, winnipeg, or toronto. Why? Because Canada is not really that important to americans, like every country, we have our own problems and concerns, so canadians should deal with their own problems and let america handle its problems. When george bush visited canada, it made top news all around canada so you guys could come out and protest, if the canadian PM visited america, then I never hear of it because it is not that big of a deal to us

Posted By: Anonymous

i used to live in the us and they thoght we lived in igloos and spoke pig latin so who is the fuckin retard hear eh!!!!!

Posted By: Anonymous

oh and by the way we dont have to have an army we just use you stupid fuckers as guinea pigs line up the fuckin yanks

Posted By: Anonymous

oh and to the dumb shit that says americans dont come here well i had 2 guys ask me in the middle of july were the snow was they had driven here from the states with 2 snowmobiles on the back of their truck i pointed north and said keep driving you fucking putz

Posted By: Anonymous

so the dumb person spells "retard hear" i think it is here, and thoght, i think you had better think twice about how to spell that

Posted By: Anonymous

i like your comeback though, it is pretty original, anything else

Posted By: Anonymous

obviously some americans come to canada, but the majority dont, but like I said, I bet most canadians have been to the US at one time or another

Posted By: Anonymous

Why do most canadians know who the US president is, because you think he is dumb, why do most americans have no idea who the canadian PM is, WHY?, I think you know

Posted By: Anonymous

By the way if we are guinea pigs, why does Canada by american made fighter jets and weapon systems for their military?

Posted By: Anonymous

buy not by, i dont spell like some people haha

Posted By: Anonymous

DUUUUUUUUDE

Posted By: Anonymous

XD funny

Posted By: Anonymous

Canada has what America will need in 100 years, Fresh Water. America's Power Structure sucks and the Americans who were duped into putting them there...well Shame on you!

Posted By: Anonymous

hey, to all those americans who like to come on this site and bad mouth canadaina...... WHERE THE FUCK WOULD YOU BE WITHOUT US!

Posted By: Anonymous

haha face it yanks, Canada's got their shit together and you guys... well you either turn it into shit or shit on it.--> p.s. you can say we have to talk about you guys because weve got nothing else going on here but the truth is , its just really funny to watch you guys fuck up! haha you yanks are about to have 2 govenors who starred in "Predator"!
--I am Canadian, i brake for snowbirds and March break--

Posted By: Anonymous

canadians are so blind and dumb, you would never last as a country without the US, we provide cars, weapons, everyday goods

Americans don't know shit about anybody else because they are self-conceided. Their government likes it that way because he can make them believe that a terrorist thret is high and have the citizens scared shitless. All this to convince them that weapons of mass destruction are being hidden in Iraq... Everybody in his right mind knows that Bush went in Iraq for the oil rigs and nothing else. The war is on because of Bush's father and nothing else. Bush doesn't have a clue what to do or say as president of the USA. Haven't any of you watched Farenheit 911?

to the yank who said america doesnt know where vancouver, etc. is because they dont care is a typical american response, its not because americans dont care, its because they are stupid .... hell half of all americans dont even KNOW who their president is ...
thats a fact ... canadians are educated in matters of the world compared to America, our news is not censored. And BTW, i am a canadian living in Alaska two years now .... you have no idea how uniformed they are here ... land of the free ??? hardly,.

Posted By: Anonymous

to the person who says canada wont last without usa
hahaha too funny .... and wow, we buy TONS of weapons from you guys .... hahahahahahaha ....
i guess from loyal american smugglers, hey ???

Posted By: Anonymous

canada has an american fighter jet ??? oh no.
there go my taxes this year

Posted By: Anonymous

americans dont know canadian geography because americans could care less about canada. Canada is so infatuated with making fun of america, is that all canadians have time for in their boring lives

Posted By: Anonymous

I have a canadian friend, this person told me of this webiste, I find it interesting that here is an entire page of jokes against the US. Is this all canadians think about is how to make fun of america. Americans could care less about canada and what they think. 300 million americans could care less what 30 million canadians think of america.

Posted By: Anonymous

Maybe we make fun of the Americans because it's so easy to. Quit messing up and we'll quit making fun of you. It's really amazing how they think they are the best country in the world, when their culture is based on pushing everybody else to get to the top. The United State's obsession with dominating everything shows how arrogant they are. Get a clue, US. Canada can stand on it's own.

Posted By: Anonymous

angrynakedalcohlolicguy:whoooooooo! i luved it dood!
also i luv the one about the presidnet who says 'i did not have sex with that woman!'...cheers

Posted By: Anonymous

Posted By: Anonymous

you canadians arent perfect you are pro gay marriage what is that we should send all our fags there you deserve them all of them. usa rules and always will so live with it george bush is doin a fine job protecting your asses live with reality from the whitedragon you canadian cocksuckers

Posted By: Anonymous

Congratulations Canada, you bood a bunch of kids at the world juniors whom of some cant even vote. Its pathetic that you hate America so much that you would boo a bunch of kids playing for national pride. My hat goes off to you Canada. You are truly an exceptional country.

Posted By: Anonymous

I was recently in the USA for a holiday, most of the people there were quite polite, then I learned most of them were from another country. Then I met some americans in a lineup for the Medievil Dinner in L.A. and when they found out I was Canadian, they snorted and said they had a joke about Canadians: "Canada is just a loft above a good party." wooooooeeeeee! I was amazed! SOOOO funny, NOT!!! That was way too lame, and all it took to shut them up was to say "Oh well, at least we're always on top!" But in reality, in 7 days, those 2 people were the only real idiots we ran into. And considering we went to Disneyland, we were lucky.

"Congratulations Canada, you bood a bunch of kids at the world juniors whom of some cant even vote. Its pathetic that you hate America so much that you would boo a bunch of kids playing for national pride. My hat goes off to you Canada. You are truly an exceptional country."

Please, America has ENOUGH national pride, is it wrong for Canada to have a little fun at its expense?

"americans dont know canadian geography because americans could care less about canada. Canada is so infatuated with making fun of america, is that all canadians have time for in their boring lives"

You know why we have boring lives? Because we don't read in the newspaper that we have started any wars. We don't hear on the news that there are currently 86 serial rapist/murderers on the loose. We don't find out that 4 of our neighbours have been physically abused for years.

"300 million americans could care less what 30 million canadians think of america."

And I could care less about you, but you know in a few decades all those Americans will be begging to be let into Canada because of the overpopulation problem. Our country is glorious and expansive. That's a good thing.

"you canadians arent perfect you are pro gay marriage what is that we should send all our fags there you deserve them all of them. usa rules and always will so live with it george bush is doin a fine job protecting your asses live with reality from the whitedragon you canadian cocksuckers"

Land of the free indeed. it is times like this that I am PROUD TO BE A CANADIAN.

"why is it canadians are so infatatuated with america, i live close to the border going to school and recently discovered CBC, why is it almost every top story has to do with america, or george bush, dont you have your own news and wouldnt you guys like to talk about what is going on in your own country instead of talking about america so much, are you guys that bored in canada, wow"

I'm sorry, do you not get it? America is a source of ridicule. And you know what? Canada has vast provinces, clean air, eerily polite people, and to top it off, we are bilingual. By the way, tu es une piece de merde, connard.

I will say it once more: I AM PROUD TO BE CANADIAN!

Posted By: Anonymous

Funny, why do all canadian born stars choose to live and work in America, maybe because america provides a better life and better opportunities. Oh, to the person who said america is not bilingual, I take it you have never been many places in america, especially in the south, maybe you should do some research before talking next time.

Posted By: Anonymous

All Canadian born stars move to the States, eh? That is a gross exageration. Canada's film industry is thriving, and growing. You only know the Canadian stars that have moved there already, you have no idea what is here. Maybe you're the one who should do your research. You clearly know nothing about Canada, so your comments are void. Maybe America provides opportunities that you consider better, only because you don't realize how great Canadian's have it. Canadians are happy, we enjoy life... I'm sure many American's do as well, but then again, America was never voted greatest place to live on Earth, and Canada has and continues to place near the top.

Posted By: Anonymous

lol... ok well I am an american but I am going to have to say that this joke it pretty funny.

Posted By: Anonymous

hey man you forgot to mention the WEED man we have to apologise for the weed

Posted By: Anonymous

To the poster who said, “obviously some americans come to canada, but the majority dont, but like I said, I bet most canadians have been to the US at one time or another”

That’s because many Americans are ignorant fools who never leave their country (or probably their home town) at all. Canadians are more cultured, and like to travel and explore the world. We travel to Europe, too, you know. And everywhere we travel, we display prominent Canadian symbols because if we’re confused for obnoxious Americans, we’re treated badly. When they know we’re friendly intelligent Canadians, we’re treated like Gold.

Posted By: Anonymous

To the poster who said Canadians would be nowhere without American cars, and American stores like Walmart. Get a grip. It’s only the redneck American trash who rely on the Walmart on every corner to survive. We have them here, and some people do shop at them, but the majority of Canadians I know (myself included) have never set foot in one in our lives, and have zero need / desire to. Give me independent retailers ANY DAY over big American chains.

By the way, I have only ever known one person who would ever choose to drive an American car. And that’s because he’s an American who moved to Canada! Most of us choose quality foreign cars over the junk made by our neighbours to the south.

Posted By: Anonymous

To the rah-rah American posters who are so offended that we’re making jokes at you – jokes are made at Canadians all the time. You know what, we quite often laugh at them, and don’t get offended by the sterotypes. Sometimes we even join in! But make fun of the US, tempers flare! Perhaps this is why you’re so disliked by so much of the world. You can never laugh at yourselves?

And honestly, it’s like shooting fish in a barrell. Stop giving us so much ammo to make fun of and we may stop.

Obviously you DO CARE about what Canadians think of you, or else you wouldn't be on this website!

all of you better watch out or well take canada over your on very thin ice

Posted By: Anonymous

you better watch out we might have to take you guys over.. i mean how big is your army seriously all of you canadians are a bunch of PUSSYS. The last time canada was aanykind of major role in any war was over 200 years ago. You guys didnt help us to defeat the nazis in world war two and really didnt relp the fall of communism during the 1980's. O and now Canada owns one of the smallest armies in the world.

Posted By: Anonymous

Oh my god - another uneducated American trying to rewrite history to suit himself...

World war II began in September 1939. Canada joined that war in September 1939, and never once gave up. The US joined that war in December 1941 - over 2 years later. And only then because of the attack on Pearl Harbour. If it wasn't for ALL THE ALLIES, not just the US, the Nazis wouldn't have been defeated.

I'm guessing that since you base the worth of a nation on the size of it's army, you are a diminutive man with diminutive assets who feels that if he screams loud enough that his army is bigger than your army, maybe people won't notice how lacking you are in other areas.

Posted By: Anonymous

Some canadians who have wrote that the world hates america. You know what you are probably right. But lets give a little example. Back in the Gulf War of 91 when Iraq invaded Kuwait, Kuwait and Saudi Arabia begged the assistance of the American military to come over and fight Iraq. They rejoiced in our quick victory regaining Kuwait. Now, 10 years later when we wanted to go back and finish the job on Iraq, Kuwait hated the Americans for coming back. Oh, one more thing many of you canadians probably dont know about our invasion of Iraq three years ago saying that we had no reason to go in. I am sure many of you do not know that Hussein signed an Unconditional surrender, do you Canadians know what an unconditional surrender is. I am guessing not. Basically means that the UN has guaranteed right to search the country however they please. But, the US is just always wrong. Oh by the way, it is you canadians who are very uneducated.

Posted By: Anonymous

If you hate Canadians so much, why on earth are you on a site called "Canada Kicks Ass?" Why don't you go back to "Rednecks Rock" or some other such garbage site you frequently surf?

Posted By: Anonymous

Iraq didn't give their unconditional surrender until AFTER the US invasion. The UN did not support the US invasion, but the megalomaniac George Bush proceeded anyway, without international support. And speaking of unconditional surrender, most sane people think it's inhumane and immoral for a country to demand unconditional surrender, since it invariably leads to looting, riots, and violence. All of this taking place under the watchful eyes of the US troops. Nice. I suggest you read up on it: www.lewrockwell.com/orig2/clark7.html Don't kid yourself that this invasion had any backing from the UN. Most legal authorities regard it as a violation of the UN Charter, and the United Nations Secretary-General Kofi Annan said in September 2004, "From our point of view and the UN Charter point of view, it was illegal."

Posted By: Anonymous

Not talking about the recent invasion, talking about the 91 invasion of Iraq. Why dont you read a little more into it so you know what you are talking about.

Posted By: Anonymous

Why is it all you canadians are only good for griping. If you dont like what we do then do something about it or keep your mouth shut. Nobody in america could give a crap of what you think.

Posted By: Anonymous

To the really smart person who wrote that Iraq didnt give an unconditiona surrender until after the US invasion. When else would you surrender. That is what a surrender is, you fight, you say we cant win, we surrender. Way to go, that is using your brain.

Posted By: Anonymous

To anonymous who questioned when else you’de surrender – my response was geared to the idiot who said the US had every right to invade Iraq because they ALREADY HAD AN UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER. They did not. What came out of the earlier war was a “ceasefire”, not an unconditional surrender. The unconditional surrender came AFTER THE ILLEGAL INVASION. Regardless, if the UN considered this an illegal invasion, I think you’re being a moron to try to justify it. And to the guy who says America couldn’t give a crap what Canadians think, then why are you on a Canadian website trying to find out what we think? Just ignore us if you don’t care. You three (or in all honestly, it’s probably just one moron posting 3 times) prove every bad stereotype of ignorant Americans ever made…

Posted By: Anonymous

Way to go moron, in a ceasefire, both sides go away. But for some reason, Iraq said that have unconditional access to search for weapons. Now tell me, do you honestly think a country is given the right to search for weapons in a ceasefire. Way to go, you are so smart. Oh by the way, in 91, it was not an illegal invasion since the UN did support it. That is why they call it a coalition. If you were so smart, you would know that about 14 countries were involved in the invasion. But then again, you know everything.

Posted By: Anonymous

Iraq said that after the first gulf war, that the UN has guaranteed search rights to search for Weapons. In case you dont remember, the chief UN weapons inspector Hans Blix was part of it. Funny how the UN would involve themselves, because some dumb moron said that the UN did not support the first invasion. They did. They did not support the 2nd. Get your history right.

Posted By: Anonymous

Oh good lord, did your mother never teach you to read? I never said 91 was an illegal invasion, I said the invasion 3 years ago was illegal. I was responding to this dumbassed statement: “Oh, one more thing many of you canadians probably dont know about our invasion of Iraq three years ago saying that we had no reason to go in. I am sure many of you do not know that Hussein signed an Unconditional surrender, do you Canadians know what an unconditional surrender is. I am guessing not. Basically means that the UN has guaranteed right to search the country however they please.” The UN was searching for weapons, but the US didn’t want to wait for them to finish their search. The UN told the US not to invade until they completed their search, but the US didn’t want to wait & barrelled in anyway, WITHOUT the UN support. We are talking about the 2nd invasion (the illegal one), not the 1st. Canadians were with you guys all the way until you invaded Iraq illegally 3 years ago. My history is right, your ability to read or comprehend is sorely lacking.

Posted By: Anonymous

We had every right to go in because Hussein violated his promise of weapons searching. He kicked weapons inspectors out numerous times out of Iraq violating his promise. Remember 97 when the US launced airstrikes for 3 days because he kicked them out. He would not let weapons inspectors before the 2nd invasion unlimited access which violated what he signed in 91. Therefore the US had EVERY RIGHT to go in and set him straight.

Posted By: Anonymous

aaahaahhahahaha im in love with this. and i love canadians :) even though i live in florida now :(.

Posted By: Anonymous

im the same girl that just posted the last comment lol. i just read all the comments -- such tension:(. lol why cant we all just get along? haha im such a girl:(.

Posted By: Anonymous

haha um im kind of loving this.

Posted By: Anonymous

aaahaahhahahaha im in love with this. and i love canadians :) even though i live in florida now :(.

Posted By: Anonymous

Oh my god, these comments make me laugh. This is a Canada Kicks Ass Joke site - why on earth are there Americans lurking here who claim to not care what Canada thinks of them, yet keep posting pro-American crap on a JOKE SITE? Canadians Rock. They also have better senses of humour than the guy who keeps frothing at the mouth about why Bush should have invaded Iraq.

Posted By: Anonymous

don't forget, brock and canadian/british troops captured all of michigan and much of ohio and indiana. the states never lost a war, my ass. well they sure didn't win them all. though, 1812 ended in stalemate.

Posted By: Anonymous

also, chretien said he would go with the UN's decision. canada already has troops in afghanistan (who i hear just took charge of kandahar). and no, the US could not survive without canada. if we cut off fresh water, hydro, lumber and coal, i'm almost positive the US would invade because we "hate their freedoms"

Posted By: Anonymous

canadians are awesome. any americans going out of their way to find pro-canadian websites and making stupid posts about the site are idiot. go get a freaking life. let us canadian show our nationalism. its not all about americans, you know. canadians are awesome, and you americans just make fun of them because you have nothing else better to do. i love canadians:).

Posted By: Anonymous

The only things canadians are good for is bitching, if you have a problem with the US, step up to the plate, if not, then keep your mouths shut.

Posted By: Anonymous

Seriously this shit is annoying I have a few words to the clich'ed Americans:
1) The the american who makes fun of our military, and thinks Canada is going to get invaded by the U.S. > Seriously SHUT THE FUCK UP, democratic countries rarily invade eachother, and also we aren't involved in any MAJOR wars so we don't need a massive army, we put that $$$ in our healthcare, we focus more on keeping people alive reather than shooting them up thanks.
2) The American that says withouth The U.S. Canada would be nothing and have nothing. > We only trade with you because you are the closest and the cheapest, if we had to we can easily trade more with Europe and Asiam countries, we don't NEED you, we WANT you. Also the fact is that America uses the water that comes from Canada, we supply enough electricity to our citizens and then export it to you because you can't make enough. WE also make cars of our own thanks. We grow our own food and etc.

3) The American that says "America Kicks Ass" > SUp redneck, America is the MOST hated country in the entire planet, other countries just PUT UP with you.

4) The American who throws the population crap out there> "300 million to your 30 million" OMFG If I only knew where you lived "rolls eyes" Because we have less people we have less: pollution, traffic, murders, suicides. etc which leads to us having longer lives and better quality of life. We can actually afford to give healthcare to all of our people, instead of buying the newest defensinve missle version 2.28492593593 and killing a shit load of people.

5) FACTS
Canada's GDP is 1.12 trillion, whilst America's is 11.01 Trillion, and you're still in massive debt, while ours is tiny. ALBERTA supplies alot of oil and now has the HIGHEST deposit of oil in the world, which is now currently being extracted, we WILL be supplying your OIL and GAS soon enough, and control your fucking economy. Its not snow up here all the fucking time, WE ARE FARTHER NORTH than you, so its naturally colder fucker heads,, we have 4 seasons, not 1 continous one.
The Canadian dollar is hovering around $.87 American right now, BUT we have 17 million people in our work force to you 171 million,, ten times more.. WHY is it that your dollar is not worth 10x as much? OUR economy is much stronger, we are just lacking the workforce.

okay you guys all suck....im american....whoever said that thing about there being american and jap car factory in america is a retard....how does having a jap car factory make the cars canadian?...and to the candian that said..."where would america be without canada?".....well....we would be farther north. so just stop fucking bitching about how dumb america is because weather you like it or not....america will always be more powerful than you!

~AMERICA...FUCK YEAH...i know you canadians like the movie team america! by the way...even though i just made fun of canadians...your snipers are leet!

OH MY GOSH! This joke was absolutely hilarious, but reading these comments had me rolling on the floor!! I LOVE it when people try to correct other people's spelling and grammar, and then in the process misspell things themselves! Frankly there is no comparison between Canada and the USA... Canada always will KICK A$$!!

Hello all of you, i would like to remain as neutral as possible, trust me i have nothing at all against people from the united states, but i would like to make some corrections and comments posted from both sides of the border, firstly i am assuming that the comments made about our weapon systems came from people from the U.S., i would like to point out that the C7 and C8 rifles are infact produced in Canada, they are technicaly our most used version of the m16 A2 assault rifle, although we use both, another thing we produce armoured vehicles as well the Mowag piranah i beleive is produced in Canada, and sold majorly to your and our armed forces, our army is not incompetant, if it was...why would they have been intrusted with command over Afghanistan? There was also the comment of us only driving US made cars...or US companies and Japanese companies with Canadian workers, so what...do Japanese car companies in the US only use Japanese workers?, anyways...i tried to keep that as peacefull as i could, no point in hating someone your stuck with, might as well get along

Sorry you have nothing else to pride yourself on but your hatred for US.
Sorry your country is tiny and you have an inferiority complex cuz no one can find it on the map
Sorry you dislike Bush so much... understandable, given that NO ONE knows or cares who your leader is, as your country has no impact at all on world events or culture. Bush, however, sneezes and Canada will feel the wind. This would probably make us feel insignificant too if we were in your shoes.

Your hockey team beat us? I know we have a hockey team-- but sad to say we watch football and basketball, so your win-- of which you are very proud im sure-- did not exactly make headlines. Few americans hate canada. sorry, most don't know youre up there, and even if we did--- we just don't see how it would matter how you feel anyway.

to the person who said this i guess its too bad that so many canadians drive american made cars, that americans provide your country with many jobs, that most canadians choose to visit america, but most americans choose not to visit canada, you know why, because americans could care less. wut the hell r u talking about my home town is flooded by americans all the time summer is the best time to be a waitress american tips in the summer all of the americans leave the us to come up here. and just because u are all consumed by your own supposed greatness u think that everyone cares about u know it wasn't all over the news when bush visited canada if your not canadian then why the hell do u supposedly know that and to the person who said if the us didn't protect us boohoo i am so scared wut ever chicka no one attacks canada becus instead of wagging war on everyone we try to keep peace and just wait till the states is over consumed by population and has poluted all their water who will be the one crying 2 who. I have american freinds of whom i luv but it's ppl like u who have nothing better to do then come on a canadian site and start bashing us who give americans a bad name all americans may not be ingnorant but u guys who came here looking 2 start a fight ceartinly are so go back to your american sites. Yes u do provide alot of jobs 4 us but if you moved out like we want u 2 we would easily be able to make jobs as for canadian actors and canadian athletes living in the states their only living their cuz the states won't let anybody else have any spot light so they have to go their to do wut they luv anyway the NHL is made up of mostly canadians and guess wut a canadian inventd basket ball so stop proving r point about americans and get off the site unless u r able to laugh at yourself
kat

to the person who said this i guess its too bad that so many canadians drive american made cars, that americans provide your country with many jobs, that most canadians choose to visit america, but most americans choose not to visit canada, you know why, because americans could care less. wut the hell r u talking about my home town is flooded by americans all the time summer is the best time to be a waitress american tips in the summer all of the americans leave the us to come up here. and just because u are all consumed by your own supposed greatness u think that everyone cares about u know it wasn't all over the news when bush visited canada if your not canadian then why the hell do u supposedly know that and to the person who said if the us didn't protect us boohoo i am so scared wut ever chicka no one attacks canada becus instead of wagging war on everyone we try to keep peace and just wait till the states is over consumed by population and has poluted all their water who will be the one crying 2 who. I have american freinds of whom i luv but it's ppl like u who have nothing better to do then come on a canadian site and start bashing us who give americans a bad name all americans may not be ingnorant but u guys who came here looking 2 start a fight ceartinly are so go back to your american sites. Yes u do provide alot of jobs 4 us but if you moved out like we want u 2 we would easily be able to make jobs as for canadian actors and canadian athletes living in the states their only living their cuz the states won't let anybody else have any spot light so they have to go their to do wut they luv anyway the NHL is made up of mostly canadians and guess wut a canadian inventd basket ball so stop proving r point about americans and get off the site unless u r able to laugh at yourself
kat

you canadians are so gay. bunch of fairies. you do know if we wanted your shitty cold country we would just take it from you right?? you dildos are obsessed with us. you need to worry about your flawed health care system and get off our nuts. did i mention you are all sissies??

hah! you americans, oh wow..why are you even on this site? and you think we're the ones that have nothing better to do haha. you're comebacks are laughable..saying we're pussies because we dont start wars? you're right..we're the ignorant ones "rolls eyes" hmm you're country just abuses it's power.. steps all over other countries like a class bully.. classy..really classy. my god just stop thinking everyone loves you and start fixing you mistakes before it bites you in the ass. i mean this in the most sincere way.. you'll need canada's resources real soon, george is already trying to get his hands on our oil.. just wait til you need our water....

I just finished reading all the comments and I can't believe how jelous this one american (there is only one because he keeps saying the same thing over and over)is of canada. He mentioned that we are a small country? Take out an atlas dipshit, were bigger, cleaner, safer, less oppressed by our government, enjoy the freedom of living in the greatest contry in the western hemisphere,(according to the rest of the world except the states). As far as history goes the U.S. has tried to take canada in the past but were unsuccessful, why do you think you would be now, because you have 300 million people. Canadians have 30 million plus the support of the world if that ever to happened. BoooYaaaa canada we rock.

I'm not done my rant yet, lets talk about the economy do you really think the U.S. keeps canada going. we import from china ,cuba (cigars we receive them you don't hmmmmmmmm why is that), and the rest of the world. Our dollar is worth more, your economy is falling into a wastland fill with forclorsers on your housing market, note to mention the amount of americans moving to canada for a better life. canada rocks.

Great Joke lol, I love Rick Mercer. For the record though Americans poke more jokes at Canadian's then Canadian's do Americans. The difference is we only do it behind your backs so you don't got to take a offense to it, and American's like to say it in our faces.

I can't even account for how many pointless tries American's tried to insult me for being Canadian on the internet. Don't blame us for having our fun. Canadian's hate Americans, American's hate Canadian's. Why wouldn't we make jokes at each other? lol.

same here, americans try to insult me, and they can't. i personally find it hilarious! and i find it sad when americans say that canada is tiny, when their country is about 2/3 the size of ours! they really r clueless obuut us, eh?

Posted By: Anonymous

Why do canadians have such an inferiority complex? The fact that this website exists is simple a testament to that. The War of 1812? If you still have to point to that to show how awesome canada is that is hilarious. Image what would happen today! I doubt history will repeat itself-an besides Canada had a lot of help. The trees have nothing to do with canadians. And good job by the way in WWII, you would have been screwed without the US's help, so your welcome. Yes GW is a moron but so is Harper. And like it or not you will forever live in the shadow of the US and always remain an umimportant figure on the world stage. In closing Id like to reiterate that fact that Canada Sucks.

Posted By: Anonymous

I showed this website to some of my american friends and we all had a good laugh. Just of bunch of syrup guzzling canucks patting themselves on the back of being canadian. Keep up the good work!!!!

Posted By: Anonymous

Why can some people just not take a joke!
If you hate Canada, why are you on this site?
Canada doesn't suck, America doesn't suck, they are just DIFFERENT!
Learn to take a joke or eff off!

Posted By: Anonymous

"you canadians arent perfect you are pro gay marriage what is that we should send all our fags there you deserve them all of them."

Why does gay marriage always have to be such an issue?
This had nothing to do with gay marriage and yet it is being brought up!
Go ahead, send us all of your gay's, you dont deserve them!

Ok, I know some USarians who are nice people. Quite a few, actually. And look at all the people who votet Dem., so, not all bad, eh?
However, they have just come through their own mini "Dark Ages" wherein lies were the norm of communication from their gov't. and media (Faux News, anyone?), so the lack of coherent fact is to be expected. Be patient. It may take awhile to catch up to the rest of the world.
That having been said, there is that element of USarian society at various times referred to as "redneck", "bubba", "trailer trash" (an insult to many fine folks in trailers), etc. You know the type..macho man,...macho, macho man, I guess you could say. ;)
OK, apologies to my gay friends, in no way was I intending a comparison. The major dif being, those types of USarians have no, zero, zippo, sense of humour, (that's "humor" to y'all). It is the realisation, or perhaps just the suspicion, that they just don't get it, that causes them to lash out. And, unfortunatelly, we have our share of the type up here, too (that's "also" to y'all).
So I 'spose, if you can't laugh with 'em, laugh at 'em. And Fork'em if they can't take etc., etc.,....

Posted By: Anonymous

Why am I posted as "anonomous" when I'm logged in?

Posted By: Anonymous

Im a Canadian female dating a American that is in the airforce. flew down there to meet him about a yr later after met him on the net and were still together for 1 yr and 2 months.
These are just jokes, all other countries makes jokes about other countries too, we all trade with other countries, trade with america is %85 if im correct. Each countries has its down and up side, Yes us Canadian have better allies than the US.
Just to get this striaght, not all of Canada get snow, down in the Okanagan area bottom of British Columbia (were i live, northeast of the Province) doesnt, it's too warm.
Countries trade to survive and grow.
The US banking system is higher than the 9 over 1 ratio whitch isnt very good, and Canada's is that ratio (Canadian's, let me know if i gottent our ratio wrong)
Not all americans are ignorant, but most are.
Everyone got to understand that all countries are different,
When my boyfriend told me while he was in the Calgary airport here in Alberta, he mentioned how nice the Canadian are and such, and i couldnt believe it, its just soo strange to hear that and i had thoughts running through my head (not realy nice ones, but not ignorant)
I have a few reason why i am proud to be a Canadian, we are about each other, our health our survival, were not about big military invading other countries and such.
and shooting whoever we want and couse more stress to doctors and nurse's while there hospitals have low employes of them, can most of you americans even consider about these things?
Yes, i am going to show this to my sweet american BF since he wont have a problem with this joke.
Yes, our land is big yes we have lots of space, yes we love and respect each other.
We dont have such a big problem with racism here unlike the states, you americna have a biig problem with racism and i just dont get it and get over it and move on.
You american should stop wasting your time complainng about our jokes and start helping your economy be better and stronger couse one Man cant do it alone.
If you love your country sooo much, get off your arse and get going, couse certain countries are affected by your shithole of a dept, use your brains and do your homework,
oh one more thing, one of our Dams here in the Peace river up here is giving powere to California whitch my family members have told me, and we joke around about shuting down the Dam powere to the states for certain reasons or threats LOL. but yeah, you guys...this is a joke you know a "HAHAHA" joke if you kow what i mean

Posted By: Anonymous

Posted By: Anonymous

To the average american we'll always be a nation of French speaking, igloo dwelling, pot smoking, gay, softwood hockey stick wielding american wannabes with funny money. Who cares. Passez le spliff, sweetie.

Posted By: Anonymous

Its a joke gosh, its just like blonde, redhead jokes, baby jokes LOTR jokes etc. Im dating anamerican, 1 of my friends married an american, and of them gotten engaged to one etc.
All countries has its downfull. But the only differance between us, we dont LIE to our people to get into war with other countries, The Veitman was a lie to bomb there place etc. What mt sis always say's "Canada suck, but its better than the alternative" and people can learn by watching "Sicko" documentery by Micheal Moore, and yes the truth hurts

Posted By: Anonymous

dont apologize, the U.S. makes jokes all the time about Canada, and NEVER apologize. i can tell u this: 50%+ of americans think ALL canadians live in Igloos and EVERYWHERE north of the border is covered in snow 24/7.

Posted By: Anonymous

OMG! That is hilarious. I have to say for the most part I think Rick Mercer is an ass. A lovable ass but an ass none - the - less. I have to say though, he's usually right on the money when it comes to Americans. I don't mean this in a hostile way, but come on; it's so true. Have you ever watched Talking to Americans? It sadly points out how Americans generally think the world revolves around them and when it comes to any other part of the world they don't want to know. Even their politicians don't know anything about the world outside of the U.S. This is just an observation not a bashing. It's just the reality. Most parts of the world are educated about places other than their own backyards. And I say this as a person with a Canadian mother and a father who hails from Little Rock Arkansas. And for the comment about we Canadians having what the U.S. will need, we better watch our backs because we'll be the next nation "hiding weapons of mass destruction" eh?

Posted By: Anonymous

This is really funny. The Americans are on a pro Canadian site saying that they do not care about what we think. Yet they take the time to create an account, activate it, then think long and hard about what they will write to remind us how they couldn't care less. The joke is funny get over it.

Posted By: Anonymous

Awesome Joke!
Pratically gagged on my tims' when I was reading it.

So, for you Americans who can't find a map bigger then their country (Do they sell them down there?) Good for you, your on the internet at the moment. Take a moment and look it up.

10, 000 squared kilometers. Divided into 10 provinces, not 50 states.

No, my cousin is not a loonie, I call that a dollar actually. It's named after the bird thats been stamped on it.

Yes, our money is color coordinated. It makes 4/5 people smile when they see it. How many people smile when they see all your gray/faintly green bills?

Yes, Canadians have better success when they travel, because we don't spend the whole time saying "our" land is better. We actually like to compliment people.

Yes, our work force may be "smaller," but if you think about it -
A) Health care is giving to any john doe who walks through the door. | How many americans are on welfare working for wal-mart? What a great business!
B) Yes, service with a smile is expected in every public job.

Yep, Canada is bilingual. Only Two out of Ten provinces (Quebec, and New Brunswick) are officially bilingual with thriving english and french populations. ( Because of the French and the English colonies.)

Yep, any given can Name all ten provinces in one breathe.
I have yet to see an Americain do so.

Strange how 'We' Canadians are the kind of people who don't have Massive atomic bombs sitting around. Strange how we've never built one. (Correct me if I'm wrong).

Yep, and as for our education, every student is required to take a Modern History coarse in my province. A reason for this, is a) to increase nationality. b) To give all Canadians a perspective on the war.

So for all you "anti-canadians" occupying this board, Welcome. Come and enjoy your stay.
No, I doubt a virus would be planted in your computer if you tried to bash Canada. We'd all chuckle and say "it's true, eh?"

And yes, I concur with canada agreeing with gay marriage. The apparent "Fags" (not to be confused with the british term for cigarettes) are some of the best people I know.

And, as Canadians, we understand what it's like to live in the minority. You god dayum Americans claim everything. Like Basket Ball.

So enjoy your dunkin' donuts.
We'll enjoy our Tim Hortons.

And like a brother and sister, we'll continue to try and laugh at each other. Obviously, some jokes will be better then others.

PS: Are we on such "thin" ice, monsieur Anonymous? (A.A. ring anyones bells? Or is it just me?) Because I'm sure if push can to shove, we'd have help from other countries.

Posted By: Anonymous

Very funny. We all have jokes between one another. Americans make fun of canadians and we do the same to them. No hard feelings, but looking at the comments below I think some people took it a little poorly. God Bless the Queen

Posted By: Anonymous

@ the guy who says Canada has one of the smallest armies in the world: ._. You realize there are around 195 countries in the world don't you?
@ the guy who says americans suck ne ways: What? What?! What were you thinking!? You are not in any way making yourself look credible! I am with random anonymous person 9 comments from the top.

Posted By: Anonymous

Wait, why am I labeled anonymous? ^that is me above^

Posted By: Anonymous

I laughed and then was offended at the comments section. Especially at some users' complete, utter ignorance.

To all those saying we have nothing to do better than to insult the US all the time: not true. We like to do things like travel, work, better ourselves and our country. In my headcanon, the US and Canada are like vitrolic best buds, anyway. Playfully insult each other all the time but retain a good relationship. Plus, Canadians have a sense of self-deprecating humour as well. Like between Canadiens and Canadians (or Anglophones and Francophones, I guess). A comment like this is just so hatefully ignorant. That's like my saying as an insult... "Luxemborgians have nothing better to do than drink all day LOL". Why should we even take into account the opinions of such trolls?

To all those claming Canada as a terrible place because of gays: Wow. I'm pointing out the obvious here, but you're so incredibly small-minded. To put it in the words of one poster, "Land of the Free pff". How is having more liberal views bad? That's like me saying, "Only racist people are good people!" Honestly, get it together. Think about it. Countries like Spain, Portugal, Belguim, they've all passed gay marriage laws. And come to think of it, so has Iceland, who was UN's best country to live in for quite a few years, eg 2009. And the rest of Scandinavia is mentionable as well (Sweden and Norway if memory serves). Come to think of it, haven't plenty of US states passed gay marriage laws? New York I remember was the last one. Would you rather live in a place where gays are condemned to death? Some places to Africa do that and I'm sure someone you know knows someone gay, if you don't yourself. Scientists can prove that passing gay marriage help society as a whole.

To all those claiming that Canada would be nowhere without the US: Maybe, if you ignored the fact that it wouldn't matter if the US didn't exist in the first place. Anyway, where would the US be without countries that mass produce stuff like China, or Japan? The only countries I remember to have been successfully isolationist in the last few centuries would be Japan (idk, I'm 14) and they had a very strict society level with influences like Confuciansim etc. And even then they had a small amount of Dutch traders. Also, Canada exports a lot of things like oil (like someone mentioned, Alberta has huge reserves of it - BC hates us :>), lumber, maple syrup (come on, you can't live without it).

I'm not going to address military stuff as I have no interest or knowledge of it (well, except for the WWII poster, but he/she's already been addressed), but seriously? Canada has one of the smallest militaries? First off, have you seen countries like, oh Seycehlles (they have maybe 20 000 more people than the Canadian militia)!? Heck, the US military has more people that the total population of Iceland! That really just means that we don't have a need for them. Also, the size of your army doesn't matter - look at Prussia. Even with a decreased size, Prussia's military was much, much too big for a state/country its size. Some even claimed that the army wasn't there to support the state but the state to support the army. In fact, the whole thing was made up of the Teutonic Order (a knight order... although they were nurses originally)! And where is it today? Dissolved. It's been less than a century and yet roughly 800 years of history have been pretty much completely forgotten. I mean, have /you/ ever heard of Prussia before? Maybe you have. idk, I go to a junior high.

Posted By: Anonymous

Fact of the matter is Americans don't care about anyone but themselves. Ask 8/10 Americans where Iraq or Afghanistan is and they couldn't tell ya. We all make fun of ourselves but Americans can't see the light and laugh. Don't care about Canada coll you are not the only ones living on this planet. It was a joke. Get A joke laugh you morons

Posted By: Anonymous

it was pretty classic, i once seen this show and the canadian and the yankee hurt each other in a bar something about a crowbar!?