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Sunday, November 24, 2013

Kale-o, Newman! Could Newman Be the New Face of Kale?

I recently read that kale has anti-inflammatory properties.
According to Carolyn Butler, writing in the Washington
Post of September 25, 2012, kale—a leafy relative of broccoli, cabbage, and
cauliflower—contains 45 different flavonoids that possess antioxidant and
anti-inflammatory properties.

Quoting Deirdre Orceyre, a naturopathic physician at the
Center for Integrative Medicine at George Washington University Medical Center,
in that same article: kale has “a range of antioxidant and anti-inflammatory
effects in the body.”

I immediately thought this would make for a great marketing
opportunity for kale producers. Based on Newman’s “When you control the mail, you control... information!” rant in Episode 70 of Seinfeld, “The Lip Reader,” I urge the
Kale Marketing Board, or whatever the hell exists that promotes the stuff, to
hire Wayne Knight to reprise the scene in which he threatens Jerry with postal retribution for not
letting him “borrow” his new lip-reading girlfriend. Nothing could better trumpet kale’s benefit to the human body than Newman reassuring the American public that “When you control the kale, you control…inflammation!” as he displays his
not-so-inflamed hands.

Then again, as he did with kale’s unsavory cousin, broccoli,
Newman would very likely take a bite and spit it out in disgust, exclaiming
“Vile weed!” So maybe those kale folks should consider Frank Costanza as corporate spokesman—he probably doesn't find kale as distracting as tinsel...