In a Word by Benjamin Rubenstein

Favorite drug: OxyContin. Second favorite drug: Cinnabon. Most painful drug: chemotherapy. Second most painful drug: Cinnabon. Drug I consumed most: Benadryl. Person who has consumed most Benadryl in world history: me. Number of uses of Benadryl: infinite.

High school sport: tennis. Sport too short to succeed at: all. Sport too tall to succeed at: none. One and only thing short people are better at than tall people: lifespans. Percentage chance fabricated the last sentence: fifty. Favorite teenage activity: driving. Favorite musical artist when driving: N’Sync. Sentence you should keep to yourself: previous.

Most agonizing activity to relinquish after surgery: sports. Favorite activity that resulted from losing ability to play contact sports: rockclimbing. Item you should never forget when rockclimbing: harness. Opinion of people who climb without harnesses: unbalanced.

Favorite remaining body part: liver. Body part thrilled not to have: uterus. Potential number of future kids: two. Facility in Fairfax, Virginia, of ingredient for potential future kids: sperm bank. Cost to keep potential future kids frozen: lots. Medium mother was required to consent me to use to perform in a sterile cup: smut. Subject that makes for the best cocktail party stories: sperm bank.

Location of 1,396 friends: Facebook. Location of 1,147 friends who can’t recall ever having met: Facebook. Person who loves Facebook most in world: mother. Person for whom most thrilled Facebook wasn’t available during cancer treatment: mother.

Attribute of cancer glad no longer experiencing: suffering. Thing received years later in order to never forget the suffering: tattoo. Least favorite attribute of cancer: cancer. Most missed attribute of cancer: alleviation. Topic almost never discussed for a decade after cancer: cancer. Reason discussing cancer now is so rewarding: connecting. Person who I am most thrilled remains cancer-free: mother.

Benjamin Rubenstein is the author of the “Cancer-Slaying Super Man” books. He is pursuing a Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing from the University of Southern Maine’s Stonecoast program.