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Oceanic

8 Dolphins

I think I’m the only one that reviews here anymore. It’s cool, I don’t mind. I’m even too lazy to take any pictures but I don’t give half a shit about that either.

I’ve lived in Wilmington for 8000 years but I’ve never been to Oceanic. I used to go to the beach at Crystal Pier all the time so I walked by Oceanic regularly but never ate there. It just seemed like some fancy-fuck of a place that I didn’t really fucking belong at. It was all high and mighty and it was connected to the decrepit pier and man did it grind my gears. I used to look at their fucking patrons and scoff. Ha you fools! Ha! I’m on this beach and you are eating some overpriced doodickery. Yes I just made that word up.

My cousin was in town so I guess this gave my grandma reason to take us out for lunch at this fucking place, whatever it’s called. Oceanic. Well, we had great seats, good Christ were they good seats. I liked these seats. I wanted to take them home with me. Well, not the actual seats, mind you, but the view. The view was quite good. Some might say to die for, but what’s up with those guys anyway?

I’m just gonna get this out of the way cuz it was fucking strange as all fuck: the waitress referred to every female at the table as “my lady,” which wouldn’t be so bad but she never referred to me as “liege” or “lord” or any fucking thing. It really ticked my mom off but she is a bit fuckso as far as food service goes. For example she seemed a bit peeved when, instead of bringing her extra lemon, the waitress accidentally brought her an extra water with a lemon wedge on it. Mind you, in the meantime, a million people had given my mom lemon wedges for her pseudo-thief-lemonade but I digress.

Ordering-wise I was torn between the childish chicken tenders, the obsequious fish-n-chips and the fuck-you-feed-me bacon cheeseburger. I just got the fucking burger. It’s a half-goddamn pound, it comes with fries, and it’s ten dollars.

I’ve got a front seat on the ocean drinking a Newcastle and the waitress is referring to people in feudal terms. No longer am I fucking around. I’m not on a boat but surely I’m on a sky-castle of whimsy. I don’t even know what that means and I immediately apologize.

Back to the topic at hand, when you’re asked if you want your burger medium-well or well-done you know it’s not going to be a foodie paradise (just give me some shitty raw beef, I can take it). But you probably should have known that earlier given the circumstances, so let’s be content with saying the burger was fucking alright. Forgetting the overcooked patty, everything else was very nice. The bacon in particular. In total, the burger was a totally decent fast-casual chain bacon cheeseburger that you would normally spend nine dollars on in any given place. They charged me ten but I got the best views I’ve ever had at any restaurant by far so that’s just jolly.

If it’s busy and you don’t have the best view in the house then it’s just okay, I guess.

Also I thought the complimentary hushpuppies were really good, though I don’t know half a shit about hushpuppies.