WWE YouTube channel pre-shows are a great idea, even if the feed I was watching was choppier than a f**king Kobashi/Kenskee match. The highlight for me here, as it always is when he’s around, was the inclusion of Mr. Scott Stanford on play-by-play. I don’t think I can come up with a hyperbole big enough to explain how much better the Stanford/anybody team is than Lawler/Cole. I’m the guy who has on multiple occasions referred to Disney’s The Country Bears as the “greatest movie ever” and I can’t exaggerate hard enough to put it into words.

Stanford sounds like a real sports announcer (because he is), and I could never picture him in his underwear getting barbecue sauce poured on him as a gag or imagine hearing him shout over a match to get himself over because Gordon Solie wouldn’t do those things god dammit and in kayfabe, an announcer should be worrying about how well he’s announcing and literally nothing f**king else. Stanford’s so good he makes me curse more. I don’t find anything to get upset or indignant about … I don’t care if Matt Striker is taking 8 minutes of a 6 minute match to explain the specifics of a ligament tear, all Stanford’s got to do is say “Regal counters, looking to cover” and I’m at peace.

Hey WWE, you want legitimacy? Let a guy who talks about sports talk about sports. Your dumb thing is supposed to be a sport.

Worst: Brodus/Otunga Was Pretty Okay Until They Raw’d The Hell Out Of It

It may’ve been the fact that I was watching a pixelated slideshow of recap images, but I thought Brodus Clay versus David Otunga was pretty solid while it lasted, considering that “Brodus Clay” and “David Otunga” have historically been the two worst wrestlers on the roster since developmental. I remember watching Brodus botch lateral presses as the G-Rilla. Now they’ve both amassed enough personality to go through the motions and still come out with something enjoyable.

Unfortunately, the ending they went with was the “THE HEEL HAS HAD ENOUGH, HE’S LEAVING” thing that mid-80s NWA taught me is supposed to lead directly to the babyface chasing the heel down the ramp, grabbing him by the head and tossing him back in the ring. Now it’s just the end of the match. I don’t know why they had to protect Mr. Impromptu Pinfall David Otunga from a Funkasaurus squash, but hey, maybe they’re planning to do something deeper with him than “travel thermos” in the post People Power WWE.

This was not the last instance of No Way Out looking like an okay episode of Raw.

Best: LET’S GO ZIGGLER

One of two things is happening here:

1. Dolph Ziggler has been great in the ring long enough that crowds have picked up on it and want to cheer him

2. Sheamus is such a limpdick Heavyweight Champion that WWE crowds will turn anyone who wrestles him into a mega babyface (see also: Daniel Bryan)

Either way, the New Jersey crowd doing a REEEARGHHH cheer of approval for Dolph Ziggler’s entrance and chanting LET’S GO ZIGGLER pretty consistently throughout the match warmed my heart. It’s the gripe I’ve been sharing for years now — if a guy is good at wrestling, all you really have to do is put him out there and let him be good at wrestling. Eventually the crowds will notice and WANT to see him be good at wrestling, and if he isn’t a complete block of wood he’ll find his place. It helps that Ziggler’s exactly the Badly Named FCW Male Model WWE has tried to make a gross of in the past. It also helps that he’s made of Flubber.

Worst: Let’s Not Go, Jerry Lawler

Jerry Lawler heard the crowd chanting “LET’S GO ZIGGLER” and quipped about how the crowd was going crazy with “let’s go Sheamus” chants. Nobody is chanting for Sheamus. At some point you’ve got to stop saying what’s coming in through your headset and observe what’s actually happening. If you aren’t, take it in the other direction. When the crowd’s chanting “GOLDBERG” during Ryback’s match, laugh about how this crowd really thinks Dawn Marie’s got herpes. You were friends with Kaufman, right? Make an Alzheimer’s patient’s understanding of wrestling chants your roaming booger.

Best: I Don’t Like That Result, But Zig Zag Man Right There Is The Real Deal

Main-event style WWE matches in the modern era sorta live and die by the success of their nearfalls, and Ziggler/Sheamus had a few great ones. I don’t think anyone watching though Ziggler was leaving as Heavyweight Champion, but the facebuster off the top and that DASTARDLY callback to WrestleMania and the worst on-screen moment in the history of my fandom were off the charts. Seriously, when Vickie got up on the apron for a good luck kiss my heart started beating faster and my head started sweating and time slowed down and I almost Somewhere In Time time traveled, but then the Brogue Kick didn’t connect and I didn’t have to go to the mental institution. Unfortunately the very first thing that happened at No Way Out was the most exciting.

If the crowds are really coming around to Ziggler, don’t wait. Pull the trigger on him. If he stays the cool heel guy who bumps crazy and makes everyone look good and you don’t push him up to the next level, he’s going to FOR REAL be your new Mr. Perfect. Or your new Billy Gunn. You’re gonna be filming a 2-disc Dolph Ziggler DVD 20 years from now and everybody’s gonna be all maudlin in it, shaking their heads and wondering how a guy this good had one 11-minute technicality title run.

Put the guys who are good at this on top. Use the ones who aren’t as townspeople.

I’m looking forward to the days when Ricardo will just fucking stand up for himself and go apeshit on Santino. ADR’s gotta turn face at some point.

Also, thanks for the nod Brandon! Even though Bryan hits that Headbutt on the midsection rather than the noggin, he still commits fully to the fall and doesn’t wuss out at the last second like Punk’s apt to do with the elbow. When Kane went up top I thought he was about to bust out a EG frog splash, which would have been awesome.

No, I meant that ADR and Ricardo turn face together. Don’t split them up. Miz was still a heel, and I’d chalk Riley’s failure down to mostly creative not giving him enough follow through to make it stick. I remember the crowd going nuts for Riley when he snapped on the Miz. I think there was even a Riley chant at one point.

If Ricardo does get split up, I hope he ends up being as good a wrestler as Super Crazy was. They have similar builds, but I don’t think Ricardo is nearly as athletic.

I’m a little bit surprised that you didn’t have a section about Brodus Clay attacking Show/hugging Cena, because that seemed to be the moment that a lot of us commenters turned on him. (although I suppose you may have given up hope with Clay earlier, which I understand)

Even better would be to pay him to stand behind a fake mirror, so when Ryback is backstage and peers into it and laughs and says “How’s Annie??” a bunch, it’s Goldberg looking back at him, doing the same.

Daniel Bryan is now living in the Pine Barrens. On moonless nights, you can faintly hear the shouts of “Yes! Yes! Yes!”, and if the wind hits the branches just right, you might be able to make out a declaration of “I don’t even eat meat!”

someone needs to create a program or whatever that adds the “lol” whenever the word (lol) camacho is typed. might make it odd if anyone wants to talk about the boxer hector “macho” (lol) camacho, though.

Daniel Bryan was erased by The Observers. He has been completely removed from all WWE characters’ memories. But still, something feels missing… Regal catches reflections of an unknown man calling out to him on the surfaces of shiny things… AJ catches glimpses of the same man in her dreams…

I’m sad that I couldn’t think of this in the moment, but how great would it have been if Laurinaitis had commented on Vince’s bad breath (Which, as we know, is the funniest thing a WWE writer has ever come up with) before getting fired/Attitudinally Adjusted?

You said it yourself several times Brandon, there’s nearly no difference between an episode of Raw and a PPV since quite some time now. Except for the three cool titles matches during which you can actually mark out! I know I did. Until I fazed out during Punk’s pin expecting Bryan to come back.

To me No Way Out was not a bad PPV, on the contrary, but I skipped a lot of the BUSINESS CONFERENCE and of the saddest cage match ever, so I guess that’s cheating.

Brandon, thanks for the 2 B&Ws in one week. We know these are a lot of work and we appreciate the effort. Maybe on your deathbed you’ll receive total consciousness.

Also, you’re at your best when the show has broken down and you’re just riffing on how bad things are. I hope you don’t mind that I hope for one story/match like that each week so that we get you at your comedic best.

Was there live, and I couldn’t wait to see what you wrote about Camacho haha. We were parked close to where the wrestlers retrieved their cars, and all were friendly with the 100 people by the lot, but most wanted out of there quick, can’t blame them. I got a hey Layla out of my mouth, she smiled, and then I couldn’t get another word out of my mouth. Cody Rhodes gave everyone a thanks for coming, and have a good night from his car so you’re welcome Cody. Ryder blew everyone off, and got out of there the quickest. Hey Zack you may want to humor the fans for 90 seconds since they are the idiots chanting your name the whole night, and popped really loud to see you run out and get punched from a cage.

Brandon, how about the live silhouette of Alex Riley getting pumped from the cage?

Best for Raw: Big Johnny reveals an emergency meeting with the Board of Directors and reveals he simply got made an assistant to the BoD before the match and thus wasn’t exactly able to be fired from that position, uses the power of the Board to then get his jobs back before firing Vince and relegating Cena to Teddeh’s assistant.

He then calls out Sheamus for being a coward and trying to dive bomb guys, bans the brogue kick and tells him he’ll get his finisher back when he stops being a coward and gets a fucking tan because Great White is a terrible nick if you’re not going to add shark to it.

When Punk wanders down, he is immediately stripped of the WWE championship and fired because he is not a star but a bully. If he wants his job back, he’ll have to go down to FCW and have someone teach him how to do a proper Macho man elbow.

To close out, he simply says he was always being fair before and everyone hated him so why not just go power mad? As an aside, he fires Triple H as COO and names Otunga as the replacement. “Good job getting us sued Game.”

So how would you feel about Blindfold Tuxedo Matches then? I’m surprised Russo never booked a Blindfold Bra And Panties match on PPV during the Attitude Era for the possibility of a wardrobe malfunction.