Welcome to Daddy Smurf's Diary written by Daddy Smurf (Rob,33, local journalist) about life as first time dad to Jacob and husband to my dear wife Pam. Proud supporter of mums and dads and their rights and enjoying the world of fatherhood.
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Thursday, 3 July 2014

So you're going to be a dad?

THIS is kind of similar to a blog I wrote last week about the ten things I have learned about pregnancy but after Neil Lyndon's article I thought I would share some dad to be specifics!

Finding out you are going to be a dad is wonderful, emotional, exciting but scary, frightening and sometimes plain boring when you feel like a spare part!

But go with the journey, there is actually plenty for you to do but for once in your life you are not the driver, you are a passenger.

1) It's OK to be scared - After the elation of finding out and congratulating your tackle for it's hard work reality can come and bite pretty hard. It's fine! You are just adjusting, talk it through if you feel the need but assess the situation with your partner. If she's had a grotty day don't start saying how you are worried, it will not be appreciated! If she keen to hear how you are feeling then maybe share it, you'll find a load of your doubts aren't really that major.

2) Ride the wave of emotions - She will be angry at you for no reason, but pretty soon she'll be cuddling you and saying sorry. Be aware pregnancy brain can render your beloved completely incapable of some things, try and assist if you can.

3) Let her dictate what she does and when, like I said on the previous post, pregnant women are like iPhones, great fun with a full battery, next to useless when empty. Support and help with anything she is doing. When she has no energy, doing some chores to help also earns brownie points.

4) Educate yourself - don't be afraid to read up on what she is going through. The Expectant Dads Handbook by Dean Bennett of DaddyNatal is fantastic for blokes as it's written by a dad. If you understand what is happening you are likely to be calmer which is just better for your health let's be honest.

5) You are a spare part, it's fine - you will be ignored in the early stages, our midwife is lovely but frankly I didn't exist until recently! But to be honest, do you want any attention or do you want your pregnant partner to get 100 per cent of health professionals focus? A no brainer!

6) The 'Horn' - Not all dads will get this, I accept that. But yes, from the moment you find out you can feel even more horny than a bloke normally is, yes it's possible. A cuddle with your beloved, no real dirty thoughts or any touching and you are 'excited'. It's normal, for some reason your body has delivered a truck load of testosterone to reward you for your part in the conception. She probably won't want to help you relieve the situation (especially those first 12 weeks) so you may need some alone time. Things could change in the third trimester though but let her set the boundaries of what she wants to do. No point asking for sex if she is tired and plainly can't be bothered - you've both earned the right to enjoy it!

7) Establish what you will do in labour and birth - if you don't want to be down there having a good look, don't! I haven't heard yet of a mum to be mad with her partner for not wanting to have a look when baby begins his/her entrance. But if you want to cut the cord, decide early on and tell her you would like to.

8) And finally, GET INVOLVED - It's your baby too, feel him/her kick, talk to her belly, your baby can hear you after a certain time. Your partner will be delighted, she hasn't got to worry about you being distant.

Some great advice for expectant dads here! I remember feeling like a spare part first time round, but there is a fair bit we can do to support our partners when we stop and think about it. I agree that Dean's book is well worth a read too - much better than any other offerings for soon-to-be dads that I read, :-)

Thank you Sian and Hannah! I wouldn't say I have it all sorted brummymummy, more just enough to get by haha. Thanks for the comment Tom, you are so right, I still do feel like spare part at times but sometimes in some situations it is ok to be!