Tuesday, May 11, 2010

I think about days like Mother's Day and Father's Day very differently now. I don't really like them. I called them "Hallmark Holidays" before. I didn't need a special day that someone else decided was a day to be celebrated. I felt special and loved most of the time anyway! These holidays were designed by the retail industry to make us spend our money. Now, I think of all the people who wish that these days didn't serve as a reminder of what they lost. Next, I think of anyone who actually loses a child or parent on Mother's Day or Father's Day...............worse!

What can I tell myself to get through this? I say things like, "it could be worse!" or, "I'm thankful I had them in the first place" and sometimes even, "I'll see them in heaven some day." It makes sense in my head but not always in my heart. Remember to cherish every moment; keep the people you love close!

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Bill missed another birthday. He would've been 56. I always envied the fact that he didn't really mind getting older. He insisted he'd get an eye job one of these days though. He was great to have around. He was fun, he made life an adventure! I feel less than whole without him........ come to think of it, I feel barely a part.

I had hoped to be in Steamboat again for the big day but was warned of a snow storm that would probably make an already sad day even more gloomy. It was beautiful here in California. My sweet sister went with me to a local trail that Bill and I hiked to regularly and let off notes attached to balloons. I know it's not environmentally friendly but I'm not sure that I care right now!

The card read:

I said a prayer for you today,the way I always do.To thank God for the precious gift of sharing life with you.I thanked Him for the way we met,the way we fell in love.Realizing now thatHewas watching from above.

And then I askedfor every special blessing He could sendFor you-my one and only,my husband and my friend.