Even more recently (AKA: Sunday), I ended up talking with my Aunt about how depressed I get around my birthday, which is on Memorial Day this year. I talked about getting depressed, mostly because another year passes, where I've yet to find my soulmate. Though I was thankul that for one year I could actually say one thing was going right in my life: writing, I would rather be happy with Morgan and struggling with writing, if given the choice. She said that it seemed things were moving along in the areas I was putting effort in. I told her there wasn't much I could do about what I really wanted, though. And then, I could see the conversation turning in a bad way. As with many people, talking about finding Morgan was not a safe subject. Jan started giving me the same things I've heard so often. I have to go out more and meet people.

World, listen... I have severe Social Anxiety. No, like... seriously. I don't handle social situations well. I can't go out much and never alone. But I'm okay with that. It's part of who I am. Why does nobody get it? Why does it seem that the most common reaction to an introverted person is to try to "fix" them? I realize I'm an extreme case - even my pesonality test has me at 100% introverted - but my point is still true. Why do all the movies try to makeover the quiet girl into a social butterfly? Isn't she beautiful the way she is?

I'm not saying it isn't good to try to gain more confidence. And occasionally, it might even be good to push yourself a little bit. If it's important. If you find you are keeping yourself from something you really want to do. But it is not okay the way everyone wants to make you change into a person that just not you anymore. That's never okay.

And going back to my conversation... when it comes to finding my soulmate, I want to find someone a lot like me (#10). A quiet person, who likes to stay home most of the time. Does it really make sense to push myself into social situations to find a person, who also avoids them? Isn't it way more likely to find that kind of person online? Maybe, he'll stumble onto my blog and fall completely in love. Or vice versa. To me, that seems way more likely.

Not that I'm totally against finding him in person. Not-so-secretly, I wonder if I'll meet him just about everytime I leave the house. And I have pushed myself to do the things that really call out to me. Hopefully, someday, I'll sit with LK Hunsaker in her book tent at craft shows or do some kind of book event at the mall bookstore, like the owner has offered to me... even though the idea of these things kind of terrifies me. But I'm not ever going to push myself to go out and be more social just for the sake of it. Hear that, world?! I like myself the way I am!

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Ah, you're young to worry about not finding your soul mate already. A soul mate will happen when it's time.

Yes, you need to be you. The thing is: introversion should not mean you can't go out by yourself. You shouldn't have to be afraid of doing so. That's not you. That's life's byproducts. Please do read Quiet; she explains it. As someone who's had severe social anxiety disorder for ... oh, about 30 years, I have to disagree about not pushing yourself. Take small steps, but push yourself, not to find your soul mate but to find "you" underneath the fear. Your writing will be the better for it, also.

Finding my soulmate is the most important thing in my life, and I don't think you are ever too young to want that. I hate when people tell me I'm too young; it's just silly. Age is just a number. You're as old as you feel inside.

Maybe I shouldn't have to feel that I can't go out by myself, but I do. I always have, and I always will. Pushing yourself may help some people, that's true. But it doesn't work that way for me.

Thanks for reading! We may disagree on some things, but I appreciate your input. *Hugs*