Hooked Marlin Sinks Boat

A couple weeks ago, Marlin Magazine posted a few stunning photos on its Facebook page of a hooked marlin appearing to take down a fishing boat.

This ship captain is done, right? I mean, if you’re heading up a little commercial fishing operation in Panama and you let a giant marlin take out your number one source of income, then it’s curtains for you, pal. No ifs, ands or buts about it. It’s hard to generate new clients when the word on the street is you let a monster marlin towel whip your ass in Davey Jones’ locker room.

One of Facebook photo captions, which places the event in Panama, states the boat actually floundered and passengers were rescued by the boat that was snapping pictures.

Ah man, that is embarrassment personified. You know how we all joke around with “pics or it didn’t happen?” Well unfortunately for captain of the S.S. Cluster Fuck, there is photo evidence that a fish did in fact bully him and his boat straight into the drink. Not to mention all the passengers on board were along for the ride. Barring these photos being shopped, this is a career ender in the fishing game. “How could you let this happen?” one might wonder.

In the comments, Marlin Magazine confirms the images were not photoshopped. The Grind TV has more:

Not all the details are in, but apparently the captain began backing down on the huge fish, a common practice in big-game fishing when a fish is taking line. He puts the boat in reverse to chase the fish.

One commenter on Marlin Magazine’s Facebook post who apparently had some knowledge of the incident said that the captain fell as he was backing down on the fish at full throttle. The boat took on too much water and, finally, there was no correcting the situation.

He fell!? You had ONE job to do! Just one time for me, don’t fall when you’re backing down an epic marlin! One time! Nope. You fell on your ass while simultaneously falling into the butt of every joke that any local fishermen can dream up. You are now the guy that let a marlin knock you on your ass from 200 yards out with a tail whip, then sunk your boat, fucked your wife, burned your house down, and sent you the bill for your wife’s morning after pill. You are DONE! Cuckolded by a damn fish.

The only way you come back from this type of emasculation is to throw a saddle on that marlin and ride it into town then stab it in the heart with its own postulated spear nose — that or become a sombrero salesman in your local village, or a goat herdsman. I’m pretty sure those are the only two professions in Panama besides drug trafficking in honor of Manuel Noriega or servicing the Panama Canal.

By the way, how much did this marlin’s pull ratio just go up? By 10? 20? Astronomical. It’s a good thing he lives in the ocean or else he wouldn’t know how to survive the waves of marlin sluts that are throwing themselves at him now. Everyone knows chicks dig the bad boy, and if you’re the marlin that sunk the boat of the bastard trying to catch you, then you are definitely up to your dorsal fin in marlin babes.

I’d strangle my captain if he fell while backing me up and I’m strapped in the fighting chair. Strapped to a chair is not a good place to be on a sinking boat. And yet this somehow just gets me excited for billfishing season.