Donald Trump, an inflated pig stomach full of rotten pierogi, made a desperate plea for the black vote today, telling a largely-white audience at a rally in North Carolina that if elected, he would make a “new deal for black America.”

Trump’s latest campaign appearance was clearly an attempt to move the needle with a huge swath of the electorate that he’s routinely ignored. The Washington Post reports that Trump assured the audience that if elected, he will be black American’s “greatest champion.” This curious bit of rhetoric comes only a month after Trump declared his intent to reinstate the terrifically racist and ineffective stop and frisk policy that unfairly profiled young minorities for years in New York City.

Trump argued that he “will never ever take the African American community for granted. Never, ever.” He also kept the outbursts and the extemporaneity to a minimum. Clearly someone has taken him aside and told him that in the last weeks leading up to this goddamn election, he has to stop whisper-yelling about voter fraud and calling on his minions to monitor the polls.

Trump’s narrative about black people in America has been gravely misinformed and extremely offensive for the entirety of his campaign, waxing rhapsodic at any chance he can get about the “inner cities” and mixing up facts. ABC News reports:

At one point Trump said: “58 percent of African-American youth are not currently employed.”

But this number includes black youth who are not legally working age — therefore unable to work even if there were jobs available.

In addition to selling a heady mix of falsehoods and half-truths, Trump also tried once again to pin the blame for all of America’s problems on immigrants. “One of the greatest betrayals has been the issue of immigration. Illegal immigration violates the civil rights of African-Americans that’s what’s been happening,” he said.

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Thankfully, all of this horseshit probably won’t do a lick of good. The Post reports that Trump is “barely registering” with black voters. According to an ABC News poll released Sunday, Trump has about 3 percent of that vote. Good luck with this last-ditch effort, bud. It’s not going to work.