You have found the home of 'Being Me', Fran Hill's blog. Browse for a while, have a laugh, and if you like what you read, you'll like my book'Being Miss' which you can order from this site. My main website is at www.franhill.co.uk where you'll find pictures of George Clooney and Rufus Sewell. I may be lying about that, though.

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Wednesday, 15 September 2010

Evidence that I did learn something from my Maths teachers even if it was while standing outside the classroom door in disgrace ...

Friends, I give you Manic Morning Mathematics ....

Getting dressed in the morning + not putting the light on so as not to wake Husband =not noticing the greasy splodges on your shirt that didn't come out in the wash following a badly-executed egg frying session.

Having greasy splodges on your shirt from badly-executed egg frying session + passing the mirror in the hall just before you walk out of the front door already rushing for bus = beginnings of panic.

Running upstairs to change greasy-splodge shirt for new one + being in a hurry + finding out as you run upstairs about the dragging hem on your trousers = full establishment of panic (+ missed early bus)

Trying to put new shirt and trousers on + attempting not to make any noise and wake husband + creaky wardrobe doors + particularly clangy clothes-hangers = realisation that if someone were filming this ... move over Laurel and Hardy, you have a new rival.

Running down the road for the next bus + suddenly noticing that the replacement trousers have evidence of chocolate consumption in the form of little brown splodges all down the left thigh + trying to rub off this evidence while hopping along = very strange looks from passers-by who think you must have cramp.

Arriving at bus stop JUST as bus turns up + not being able to find bus ticket which you normally have ready + bus driver who is getting annoyed + twenty-seven passengers who would rather get to work than watch you search your handbag = face the colour of a Nile sunset.

All of the above + getting to work late = bad start to day = subsequent decision to eat three square metres of flapjack at coffee break.

Three square metres of flapjack at coffee break + coffee with sugar + diet = epic fail but best feeling of the day so far.

By the time we got to the chocolate I was howling with laughter here. Right. Not a good start to the day then, but your Maths is superb. And I agree - the three square metres of flapjack are definitely interesting. Diet? What diet. (But then think of all those stairs and the hopping you did. You were TOTALLY justified.)

See, Einstein was right. E=mc2 (where E equals the amount of energy you don't have but have to expend extricating yourself from bad situations - m - combined with lack of time to do this - c - squared by the amount of panic that subsequently ensues). But apparently time travel is still possible. But only if you run at breakneck speed for the bus.

Why could they not have taught us maths like this? Great post, there is a frightening trend in Ireland now for all the really young teachers looking like they have stepped off a girlband poster, what happened to elbow patches?

Brigid - thanks so much for suggesting that website. My sitcom was only for radio, so I can't really take up the opportunity, but I've published your comment in case anyone else is interested. Cheers, anyway.

Alexandra - unfortunately, this was all true. I'm telling you, I need to have a big notice pinned on me saying, 'Give this woman a wide berth. She's a walking disaster zone.' Or ring a bell, like the lepers used to have to.

I too ate my blody weight in flapjacks today. Have you seen the new ones in M&S with choc in? Oh my. Also there is an award for you on my blog. Velvet dress (or cress) optional when you come to collect. ;)

Jayne - no, I haven't seen the ones with chocolate in. Do they ever stop tempting us? Thanks for the award - I wore my cress dress to collect it, but bits kept falling off. I hope I haven't made a mess of your blog.

About Me

I'm a writer and English teacher based in Warwickshire.

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Recent review: Funny and easy to read, Fran Hill's 'Being Miss' charts the life of a teacher in a secondary school...in one day. The day is jam packed with unfortunate incidents and sharp, insightful descriptions. Beautifully written with a delightfully flippant narrator. Great fun!

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