[If you watch one psychotically-unhinged election day reaction video today, let it be the Angry Butterscotch Schnapps Lady, originally titled “Obama was Re-Elected – I’m pissed,” the better parts of which I’ve hepfully transcribed below. Sadly, she disabled embedding on her video just as I was finishing this post, but you absolutely MUST watch the video here – NSFW for language].

At first when someone sent me this video of some angry lady in a dark room swearing at her computer about how libertarians had handed the election to Obama (“Gary Johnson-votin’ douchebags!”), I thought, “Why are you sending me this?” I don’t know who this person is, she’s yet another person way too emotional about teh POLITIX. But then I kept watching, and the more I did, the more the video – or more accurately, the audio occasionally augmented with video – became… dare I say it… magical. There’s just so much pathos in this rage, it’s intoxicating. I haven’t seen anything like it since Winnebago Man. Just to give you a taste, part of the YouTube description reads “Thanks a bunch, Paulqaeda.” I think this deserves repeating:

THANKS A BUNCH, PAULQAEDA.

I want that tattooed on a baby.

QUOTABLES:

Get the F*CK off the internet! You are of NO USE!

You wanna call me unhinged? I AM! YOU’RE RIGHT!

The people who got the free Obama phones, the people who thought he was going to pay for their gas…

I swear, and I don’t give a F*CK WHO HEARS IT!

I don’t have children. I live alone. I can spend all of my FREE time, dedicated to working ONline. And all of the hours I’ve spent online, working FOR YOU PEOPLE, and you people don’t even SHARE THE SH*T I POST!

You don’t LIKE on Youtube, or you SAY you liked it on Youtube, but you don’t, because I can SEE IT REFLECTED IN THE GODDAMN RESULTS ON MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL! “THUMBS UP,” you’ll write in the comments section! But GUESS WHAT?! That doesn’t COUNT! ON YOUTUBE!

FIGURE OUT how to use the F*CKING INTERNET, or else GET OFF OF IT!

That’s not to say I have all the answers, BECAUSE I CERTAINLY DON’T!

I’ve got CHIPS over here, because that’s what I had for SUPPER tonight! With my CHEESE dip! That was my SUPPER, thank you very much!

My BEER, and my GOD DAMN BUTTERSCOTCH SCHNAPPS. Wah wah wa, EAT ME.

FACEbutt, as Rush used to call it…

But because Google owns Youtube, you guys don’t like Youtube. Well GET OVER IT!

Oh, and Obama was born in F*CKING HAWAII, there are two GODDAMN news reports about it, and if you don’t believe it, YOU’RE DUMBER’N SH*T!

Here’s the original Winnebago Man below, for comparison. It’s a shame they’re on opposite sides of the aisle (Jack Rebney HATES Sarah Palin), they both have such a way with words. Maybe we could start up a James Carville-Mary Matalin type relationship here. THANKS A BUNCH, PAULQAEDA!

Words can not express how much I hate you guys.As we fight our way northward into the great unknown, only that one thing remains certain: that I hate you guys with every tired muscle in my confederate body. We have taken Topeka and I must rally the men onward to Missouri. Because I will not stop until we have won it all, and you guys are my slaves. Because I hate you guys. I hate you guys so very very much.