A FUnnie look at the loony residents of the Democratic Underground aka DUmmies in particular and the Leftwing Blogosphere in general.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Going Rabid: Palin Madness Syndrome (PMS) hits DUmmieland!

She's the woman of the moment! Sarah Palin! You betcha! Her book, "Going Rogue," is a bestseller. Her book tour is drawing rock-star crowds. She's the talk of the talk shows. And one other claim to fame: She infuriates the Left! She scares them out of their minds! Palin's ability to connect with the American people, combined with her conservative positions, makes her a real threat. So, the liberal media try to destroy her (see the latest Newsweak), which only makes her MORE popular with Mr. and Mrs. John Q. Public!

Thus the DUmmies are going RABID right now! Palin Madness Syndrome (PMS) is breaking out like swine flu in a pigsty! Let's draw a sample from this THREAD, "Pilin' On Palin." So don your breathing mask, because we're going DUmmie, in Rogue Rage Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, who'd rather go Sarah Palin than parasailin', is in the [brackets]:

a political system that allows for anyone so obviously incompetent to rise within its ranks. . . .

[Like Community-Organizer-in-Chief Barry Obama.]

a political party so devoid of circumspection it would not merely allow such a person to come within a heartbeat of the presidency. . . .

[Say hello to Vice-President Biden.]

an unethical hypocrite. . . .

[John Edwards.]

has often used her political clout as a means to destroy her perceived enemies and enrich herself financially. . . .

[Mrs. Clinton.]

Even W, in his glory days, never went so far as to proffer the ability to see Russia from one’s front porch as experience in international affairs. . . .

[Neither did Governor Palin. She never said that.]

Of course, W also lacked something that Sarah has in spades – her talent for playing the role of the persecuted victim, a part that is still deemed unacceptable for those of the male persuasion. In other words, if W had been endowed with Sarah’s t*ts. . . .

[There's a whiff of sexism in the air. I can smell it approaching.]

Simply put, W, by virtue of his gender, couldn’t play girl. . . . Saucy Sarah. . . . Sarah Palin is that guest at a dinner party who was invited only to balance the seating arrangements when it was realized that the party was one female short. . . . the proud owner of a vagina – no further credentials necessary. . . . Sarah went on to become much more than the dumb broad from central casting. . . .

[Yep, that's what it is, alright!]

And.Now.She.Has.A.Book.

[I heard Joe Biden has a new book too. "Going Rogaine."]

She's sparkly and seems to have a super-power of drawing attention to herself. And she does it all backasswards and in high heels.

[Going Vogue.]

I liken her popularity here to Hasselhoff's popularity in Germany. . . .

[Ich bin ein Baywatcher.]

Never, ever, underestimate the stupidity of the American public!

[Hey, they elected Obambi, didn't they?]

I'd guess that the vast majority of those buying this piece-of-trash book will not actually read it. I'd guess it'll just be a trophy, proudly displayed on a coffee table or on a bookshelf jammed with Boyd's Bears and Elvis memorabilia, or perhaps alongside the only other book in the house -- the bible.

[The Bible! BOOO!!!!]

I believe this book is going to be the next big 'unwanted item of the year' at citywide (and otherwise) yard sales. It will go down in history next to the Thigh Master, Westbend red electric woks, treadmills and anything country blue.

[I once had a country-blue red electric wok, so I could wok on my treadmill. Does that count?]

It just goes to show you how far one can go with t*ts and lipstick.

[The Barney Frank Story.]

the "I can see Russia from my house" line was from Tina Fey, not Sarah Palin. Let's be fair.

[LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]

There's an island at the ass end of the Aleutians, Shemya, that is 12 miles from Siberia. . . . Maybe on a clear day you could catch a glimpse of the Siberian shoreline.

[It's an optical Aleutian.]

"ignorant-and-proud-of-it"--that is one of many things that I don't miss about living in Georgia. . . . the example that still sticks in my head after many years is the guy at the super-sized grocery store who seemed so damn proud that he'd never even heard of the kinds of cheese we were looking for.

[Going Roquefort.]

Now I sit her trying to envision Bush as a cross dresser with t*ts.

[Is that you, benburch?]

Somewhere in the deep recesses of their dangerous little minds...they see Ronald Reagan.

[Going Reagan. Hiss! Boo!]

We do such a good job obsessing with non-entities like Palin. . . . This person, that half of DU's stories are about on any given day, is the same person that we ourselves admitted was a terrible candidate and the downfall of McSame's campaign. And yet we are still so scared of her.

[Going Rove.]

What is about these female candidates like Hillary and Palin that we can never just move on?

[And they call US sexist!]

I just call her...The Twit.

[I think you got a "w" in there by mistake.]

It's like she is saying to millions of housewives that love her, its okay you can watch soap operas all day and read the enquirer and go to church and be president. That is all it takes.

"That's just a DUmmie proving that he's smarter and more sophisiticated than any redneck. Utterly predictable. The DUmmies have committed the unpardonable crime, they've become boring. Well, boring and stupid. Small minded too." kat

No, kat. What's utterly predictable is that you take one stupid comment and make it "utterly predictable" and, of course, "small minded" and THEN conclude "The DUmmies have committed the unpardonable crime."

I wasn't even planning on buying the book, not a huge Palin fan myself, but seeing the left piss themselves on a daily basis, I feel like I owe Sarah my $15.65 for the book (46% off bestsellers at Booksamillion). I've gotten at least that much worth in laughs from Maureen Down alone.

And as far as the ticket went, Palin was the only thing that brought McCain within smelling distance of winning, without her on the ticket he would have been hammered into the ground like a tent pin. Social conservatives would have stayed home, the libertarian conservatives would have given him lukewarm support over the Second Amendment (Much like his own past support for it), and even the fiscal conservatives would have seen cap-and-trade coming no matter which party's chief idiot won the sack race; but the fiscal conservatives would still have given him some support just on general principles, probably enough to keep his margin of loss at no worse than two to one, anyway.

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I am a 30,000 year old reincarnated being who materializes once every 5000 years in a Las Vegas hotel suite. My greatest goal in my eternal life is to spend 6 months on a small tropical island with Mary Matalin doing nothing but pitching a DUmmie FUnnies book (with CD-ROM insert) deal with her. If you happen to be Mary Matalin, please contact me at:
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