21 April 2016

There Are Two Types of Girls

There are two types of girls in this world---- ahhh crap, this post doesn't have that much substance so I really should do a little more buildup before I jump right into the post topic. Hmm........ what to use for buildup?How bout them Cowboys?Did you hear about Harriet Tubman?

I was at the Rangers Tuesday night and they replace the Lemon Chill with something called "Sno Blast." I'm thinking about filing a formal complaint. Have you seen my new blogger template? You should buy 12 of them. One for right now, and 11 for later.What about Chelsea's new custom blog design that I installed this morning? Pretty glorious if I do say so myself. Real Housewives Dallas totally sucks so far, wouldn't you agree? Boring x58.

CB and I just booked a vacation to VA Beach for July 4th to see my mom, we're excited.

ok fine. that's enough small talk for now. THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF GIRLS IN THIS WORLD.

The girls that can do a "hair flip"

And there are the girls who cannot.

I got a Brazilian Blowout on Saturday and the lady didn't ask me what side I parted my hair on. Instead, she took a guess and just went for a right side part. This is not acceptable in Sarah land, I don't have hair that can go any way it so chooses. When my hair is parted, it stays that way and there is zero wiggle room. If one hair gets out of place, I feel as if my life has been turned upside down and I might never recover.

I can't do the 90s-Cher-Horowitz-5-fingers-in-hair-hair flip.

If there is an official term, please let me know, until then I'm going to refer to this as the hair flip girls vs the non-hair flip girls.

I want to be a hair flip girl. I've tried to be a hair flip girl, but it just isn't in the cards for me. Hair flip girls have their shit together every day.

Hair flip girls are the girls you hear about who get asked out at the gym.

"Oh, I met him at the gym and he approached me while I was on the treadmill and asked me out."

NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT. That would literally never happen to me. In my 29 years on this planet no one has ever talked to me at the gym. CB even bolts in the other direction when we get to the gym.

Sites like Match.com and eHarmony were invented for us non-hair flip girls. Hair flip girls find love in all the romantic places like Starbucks and Sprinkles Cupcake ATMs. I just barely managed to find love on an internet chat app that later crashed.

Hair flip girls skip the lines at the club and get the red ropes lifted for them. I tried this in Vegas and you know what I got? I got a big ole pointer finger directing me to the back of the line. If I could hair flip (and offered more than a $20 bill and wasn't also trying to get my boyfriend in) I would've skipped right past that damn line.

My boyfriend will never be able to just easily run his fingers through my hair, I'll never be able to look like anything other than a drenched Howard Stern after a rogue rain shower and I'll never find love at a Sprinkles Cupcake ATM.

It just isn't in the cards for me because I'm non-hair flip girl with a non-negotiable left side hair part.

*Venus Trapped in Mars is not responsiblefor any braincells lost after reading this post.

hahahaha oh god, my hair is the same! It is even more stubborn than I am! I can't even put my hair in a decent pony tail without it parting without my consent... Makes me look like I have a bald spot! #girlproblems