New “Invisible Panties” Are Neither Invisible Nor Panties

You’ve been going about your life as a woman, wearing underwear or not wearing underwear, menstruating or not menstruating, giving a fuck or not giving a fuck. Little did you know some geniuses had the idea that the situation in your ladyparts was dire. Dire enough to invent the thing all women never knew they never wanted: Clear, plastic “invisible” panties. Just add ’em to the list of new special underwear women don’t want and didn’t ask for!

There’s a new Kickstarter raising money to produce these “invisible panties” or what I like to call plastic contraptions of doom for your vagina and lower regions. The company Babapanty is attempting to raise $10,000 to produce these babies. There’s only been five backers so far, which isn’t a surprise considering their Kickstarter campaign and the way its set up. And I quote:

Absolutely invisible panties! Use them every day, be sexy and free, even when you’re having “special women’s” days!

Do you like to be more liberated and free, especially in hot weather? Take away unnecessary cloth from your body, feel freedom and freshness, but be safe and comfortable at the same time!

But the invisibility not only advantage of our panties. Every woman has a several days in a month, when she couldn’t be completely comfortable and free in her usual underwear :(

I can’t imagine that wearing strategically-placed plastic strips with a little white pad would be comfortable and “liberated.” Plastic against your skin = sweat, chafing, poking, sticking. And who the hell really cares about panty lines, unless you go about your daily life in skin-tight bandage dresses? I don’t even wear thongs, for chrissakes. I’m a boy short, full-coverage, polka dot panties from the bargain bin at Target kind of girl. I’m fully ok with the fact that people who see me know that I wear underwear. I’d be a lot more uncomfortable, in fact, if anyone knew I wore adjustable plastic straps near my ladyflower.

It’s somewhat confusing as to whether the panties are supposed to be an awesome way to vanquish the scourge of pantylines or a weird throwback way to wear a menstrual pad. The Kickstarter page has a lot to say about how the panties are supposed to make it easier for you to wear pads….but I didn’t know that wearing pads was something that needed innovation at this point, here in the age of adhesive stickiness and cotton crotches.

Honestly, the whole contraption looks like the weird kind of sanitary belts that women wore before the early 1970s (Side note: Here’s a cool history of menstrual pads/sanitary napkins if you’re bored and want to read up on what historical ladies did to stanch the flow). These gross plastic invisible panties look like a belt/diaper/holster/harness combo! A harness for your ladyparts. A holster for your menstrual blood. A girdle…for your vagina.