Hpw do I cope with her aggression?

Registered User

My mother has become very aggressive with several people over the past few months, particularly the scheme manager in the block of flats where she lives. She accuses her of stealing things and moving things around in her flat. Needless to say the manager isn't doing these things and is thankfully very patient with mum. It is becoming very difficult as mum is telling the other occupants of the flats what she believes is happening and people are getting upset with her.

I have tried talking, reasoning (which is really pointless as there is no logic left in her) with her in as many ways I can think of to try and stop her, but she becomes very aggressive about it all. She has also turned against her close friend in the flats who is, naturally , also very upset though I guess there is nothing I can do about that.

Mum won't even talk about moving to a care home and she isn't really at the point physically where she needs that as she cares for herself okay.

Has anyone any ideas of how to cope with this? It is becoming quite a big problem.

Registered User

I think that the advice might be to either get a re-referral to the memory clinic if that is where the diagnosis has been made or the quicker route would be an urgent appointment with the GP and then perhaps he can either help or refer you onwwards She probs needs some medication and / or current meds tweaking - lots of people have found a huge difference when meds are sorted. I think a couple of people have mentioned some imbalances in vitamins which have been sorted out too.

I would try to keep everyone around her calm by saying you are sorting out some medical help as you think there might be a medical issue and then get to the GP on an emergency appointment before WW3 breaks out

Keep posting and let us know
Others will be on soon with more direct experience than me

Registered User

Thank you for your prompt reply. I have tried the medication route but, as my mother is now 96 years old, her doctor thinks it is not for her. She has had 5 falls (or possibly mini-strokes) in the past 3 months and to give her medication to calm her down would actually sedate her and may well result in a serious fall. So that option is out. The doctor checked her medicines after her last fall 4 weeks ago, and is happy with the ones she has. The local memory services offered help last year which she refused so she is no longer on their books for any help. She is very independent and also refuses to acknowledge that she has dementia so it is all getting to be a problem. I plan on trying everything possible in the new year but just wondered if anyone has any ways to cope.

Registered User

ahhhh I understand, she has done well to be living well and independently to 96. Can i just suggest that you go back to the memory clinic and take her along 'to get them just to check your medication' or similar - they will know what they can give her without it affecting her falls