Friday, September 14, 2012

There Will Be Blood: The Project Runway recap

Momboobs.com

Poor Gunnar’s mom.

Not moments after Gunnar said that if he won Project Runway
he’d use the money to buy himself a pair of new boots and his mom a pair of new
boobs (high concept new boutique alert!), did Tim Gunn announce that
special guests would be helping the designers with their textile challenge. And yep, those special guests were none other than family and loved ones,
including . . . Gunnar’s mom. All of America immediately stared at her rack. (It's true. She
really DOES need a boob job.) (JK, they looked perfectly fine.)

It’s always surreal to see the families, isn’t it? Project Runway is such a
strange little self-contained ecosystem—it’s hard to imagine the
designers living outside of Parsons and the Atlas Apartments, let alone having parents and loved ones.

Elena's mom is pretty. (But soooo skinny. Maybe she should mix in a pierogi from time to time?)

Ukrainian tourism photo

Dmitry’s BFF: Secretly in love with him? (Discuss among
yourselves.)

Makes up reasons to touch him

This episode is also notable for the return of Mondo!

His first outfit is alarmingly subdued on the Mondo’s
Awesomely Mondolicious Look of the Day ™ scale—a kind of Johnny Cash meets Pee
Wee Herman situation, but not to worry… things will pick up.

A few things about Mondo:
I love the fact that they had to create an entire season (Project Runway
All-Stars) just to eradicate the mistake of picking Gretchen over him in Season 8.

Also, am I the only one who feels strangely proud and
protective of Mondo? I feel like he’s come so far since his season. He seems so
poised now, so self-possessed. It’s like he’s finally owning his own
fabulousness.

Tim is proud, too

So yeah, it’s the textile challenge, which is probably the
most effective of any of the PR product placement. Like, I’ve never once
thought, “Oh, I gotta get me to Lord & Taylor to buy accessories!” or “I
sooo need that L’Oreal volumizing hair spray!” but when I seem them doodling away
on that HP Tablet, I get a little pang.

Awkwardly, they have to design with their mothers peering
over their shoulders.

Just for the record: If my mother was peering over my
shoulder as I wrote this recap, this recap would suck.

Universal "mom does not approve" face

The textile is supposed to express their heritage or
background in some way.

Sonjia actually says, “Maybe black [should be my] prominent
color. Because I’m black.” (Note to first time viewers: Usually, she’s a little more creative than that.)

Gunnar is doing a pattern based on the fact he was bullied
as a child. (It is sad beyond belief to me that when he looks at pictures of
his childhood, all he can think about is the bullying he endured. Fuck you,
bullies!).

That being said, his dying bird/hand pattern is a tad. .
.bewildering.

I must mishear Fabio, whose cute BF is his special loved one, because it sounds like he’s making his
textile out of a series of penises and vaginas. Wouldn’t that be funny if it
were really true? *Headdesk*

Ven is doing something that will BLOW YOUR COLLECTIVE MINDS:
He’s making a flower pattern! A flower! I know, crazy, right?

Anyway, off they go to Mood for notions and whatnots and
hoozits.

Elena is in a mom-powered good mood.

“My mom brought happiness back to me. I’m not a bitch,
usually,” she says.

And to prove her point she FROLICS down the aisles of Mood.

(Well, I’m convinced.)

(Just a show of hands: Her runaway victory as the Fan
Favorite is the result of some sort of Ukrainian mob effort, right? Yeah, that’s what
I thought, too.)

Then the Most Wonderful Thing in the World happens in the
studio.

Tim Gunn approaches Ven’s hibiscus flower dress and says,
“I’ll be blunt. I see an homage to a menstrual cycle.”

(If sales of paper towels go up today it’s because every fan
of Project Runway just did a spit take.)

And BTW, he’s not done yet:

“It looks like it soaked up blood,” he says. “I just hope no
one’s offended by it. Because they look like Maxi Pads.”

Then he pats Ven on the arm and says, “Otherwise, great job!” (Not really.)

Ha! Burn, Ven! *Points and laughs* *Saves episode to DVR*

So what else?

Tim goes all Tim Gunn, Natty Psychiatrist on Gunnar and says his jacket looks like a “Don’t bully me suit of armor.”

He’s not able to accuse Elena’s jacket of looking like
nursing scrubs, because she does it herself.

He helps mopey!Christopher pick between his two meh looks.

Finally, it's runway time.
The guest judges are Mondo and Anya!

Love me some Anya. . .but every time I see her the side of
her head is shaved a little bit more. Next time I see her, she’ll be sporting
the “Full Savalas.” (Look it up, young readers.)

Anyway, Mondo let me down with his earlier outfit, but not
today, my friends. Not today.

At first it seems relatively tame: A leopard-spotted shirt, fuchsia
tie, baby blue linen jacket. Bold for some, but Mondo calls that a Tuesday.

Then the camera pulls back to reveal….baby blue linen short
shorts to go with the jacket!

Oh, Mondo! You have given me a Mondo’s Awesomely
Mondolicious Look of the Day ™ after all.

Her head is shaved; his legs are not

So Elena—who actually managed to make something halfway
decent with her scrubs fabric and Fabio, who made the most boring penis and
vagina outfit in the history of penises and vaginas, are both safe.

3 comments:

I DEFINITELY understand where you’re coming from in regards to your feelings about Mondo. He is hands down my favorite designer to come out of ten seasons of this show. It was so great to see him again! I was really happy to see Dmitry finally win a challenge. He deserved it. I’m so glad I got to watch this episode. I work late nights at Dish, so I’m never home when this show is on. Fortunately, my Hopper recorded it for me last night and I turned it on the minute I got home. Project Runway is one of the highlights of my week so I’m glad I never have to miss it.

Can we please do something about this "Emma Perry" spammer? This is the second week in a row we've had to endure the message boards being flooded with less-than-veiled ads for Dish and the Hopper. And why is there no "Report" option?

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About Me

Hi, I'm Max Weiss. You might know me from WBAL radio or WBAL TV. Maybe you know me from my days on Max and Mike on the Movies or as managing editor of Baltimore magazine. Maybe you don't know me at all—and prefer it that way. This blog will be sort of a clearing house of movie reviews, pop culture musings, deep thoughts, and reality TV recaps. Oh and pictures of my dog. Lots and lots of pictures of my dog.