I do not claim to be anything other than my own personal mixture of identifiers and traits that make me who I am. But I'd like to believe it's still possible to strive to understand another group's inequalities so that we can keep striving for fairness in our culture. That is how equality is won.

Recently, one of my close straight friends messaged me excitedly on Facebook: "I can't wait for NYC Pride! I'm gonna meet sooo many gay guys and make them my BFF." There were so many things wrong with that statement that I had to pause and stop myself from cussing her out.

It appeared to be the classic "friend zone" story, but in this story, the boy is a trans man, and the girl is me. After I politely told him that I valued his friendship but didn't feel more toward him, he accused me of being transphobic. It led to questions about the nature of privilege.

I used to be a transphobic gay man. I remember making jokes. I remember feeling uncomfortable when trans* people would walk into the coffee shop. But something shifted inside me when I saw Matrix co-director Lana Wachowski's acceptance speech for the HRC Visibility Award in 2012.