Lakita Garth-Wright: Virgin Until Age 36

If there was an official figurehead of the Christian purity movement, it would probably be Lakita Garth. For nearly a decade she has been all over the country speaking about abstinence at schools, churches, youth camps, and even as a guest on the conservative-reviling TV Show Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher. True to her word, her first kiss was on the alter.

Quotes about Waiting till Marriage

Abstinence is a lifestyle. It is mastering the art of self-control, self-discipline, delay of self-gratification. I was taught that you cannot master life unless you’ve mastered those three skills. The message that I always heard from my parents was “Begin with the end in mind.”

I am a ’20-something’ year old black female, a former 2nd-runner up to Miss Black America, an entertainer, president of a corporation, and a virgin.

Have I ever been naked in bed with a guy? No. I’m not having sex until I say “I do,” which means I do you, you do me, and we don’t do anyone else. No ringy, no dingy. I’m 34 years old and a virgin, but not trying to make anyone feel bad, especially the kids I speak to about abstinence.

The guys who do stick around either see me as a challenge or are genuinely intrigued with the whole notion of abstinence and want to know more.

Sex isn’t evil. Sex is wonderful, and we should teach our children to respect it. But we must be consistent. We don’t say, “Don’t do drugs, but if you do, use a clean needle.

So we’re going out there and having sex to find [love]. Our society expends too much time and energy on sex and what we see today are the casualties.

Mini Biography

Childhood

Born in 1969, Lakita grew up in San Bernardino, California, one of the most dangerous cities to live in the United States. Her parents raised her and her four brothers in a very old-school way. They believed in an abstinent lifestyle. The strength of Lakita’s extended family played a huge role in shaping her strong resolve to wait. Raised in a then-segregated Alabama, her uncles and cousins called Dr. Martin Luther King a family friend and frequent guest.

Sex really wasn’t talked about in our house except to say that you shouldn’t be having it unless you’re married. It was just understood.

Despite her strong faith, Lakita did not grow up in the church—she admits that as a child she simply refused to go. After her father died of cancer, her mother was left with the responsibility of raising Lakita and her four older brothers, with the help of Lakita’s grandfather.

Lakita’s grandmother passed away 5 years before her father died. Her grandfather used get up while it was still dark and visit her grave. One afternoon, Lakita was visiting her grandfather’s house and her grandfather said something that stuck with her for the rest of her life: “I don’t know anything about any other woman and I don’t want to, because Ada was the stuff.” Lakita says from that moment on she wanted what her grandparents had. “I wanted to be like them and wait until I got married before I had sex.”

Lakita finally made a commitment to Christ at age 17, and says she decided right then that she would live by Isaiah 54:5: “For thy Maker is thine husband” (NKJV). She recalls, “I asked myself, ‘If God is really my Husband, then why am I flirting with some guy?’ God even knows what I’m thinking!”

Adulthood and Accomplishments

Age 26: Named Miss Black California and 2nd-runner up in the Miss Black America pageant.

Age 29: Shares her ideas about sex and waiting with a United States Congressional Subcommittee where she was invited to speak about the high cost of pre-marital sex and teen pregnancy.

Age 30: Hosts of her own Los Angeles-based radio talk show and makes her musical debut in 1999 with a self-titled LP.

Age 31 – 33: Appears in several episodes of Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher.

Age 32: Appears as a guest in Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: Should We Wait to Consummate?

Age 34: Meets Jeffrey Wright, her future husband, for the first time. Jeff had the utmost respect for her commitment to abstinence (with some contention on her “no kissing” rule). Although he was not technically a virgin, Jeffrey had been abstinent for quite some time and had also decided to wait until marriage for sex. When Lakita told Jeffrey she didn’t even want to kiss, he thought she was out of her mind. Lakita says her standard to not kiss is not one she imposes on others. “There is nothing wrong with kissing. I chose this standard because of my public stand for abstinence,” she says.

Age 36: Jeffrey and Lakita kissed for the first time on their wedding day.

Present: Lakita Continues to advocate for abstinence and speaks to hundreds of thousands of young people across the U.S. and the world every year.

Interesting Facts

She’s a recipient of the National Patrick Henry Award — an award given to the person under thirty years of age for outstanding activism for youth.

Lakita’s siblings are a doctor, lawyer, engineer, and a career naval serviceman.

She and her brothers used to call their mother “warden.”

Lakita has served as board member of various organizations including Chairman of the Board of the National Abstinence Clearinghouse (NAC), a Film and Television Commission in Hollywood. And is also a boar member and trainer for Strategic Life Training (SLT).

She earned her BS from USCin less than four years as well as an Honorary Doctorate from Aspen Theological Seminary.

Quotes about her husband…

I’m so glad I waited. Everything is new and exciting. It’s like going on a rollercoaster for the very first time!

I decided to preach to him [the first time we met], and surprisingly, he didn’t go away!

I wanted a man who could rise to the challenge, someone I could follow.

I think women don’t have high enough standards. Guys want a challenge, to respect you and to see that you’re different. As soon as you start putting out, you lose all of that.

49 Responses to “Lakita Garth-Wright: Virgin Until Age 36”

Wow – no kissing until marriage!! I think that is incredibly admirable. Anyone who says that waiting until marriage isn’t possible in today’s age should learn about her because A) she waited, B ) she didn’t kiss until marriage, and C) she was 36 when it all happened! Great article! Thanks Mike! 🙂

I am impressed by her determination to wait, being a 36 year old virgin could not have been easy, am in my early twenties and my friends don’t know this about me, because am somewhat embarrassed to tell them. At 23 not many of my friends are still virgins. Meanwhile learning that Lakita Garth-Wright at 36 actively preached about abstinence without her being embarrassed is empowering.

Abstinence does not necessarily lead to a happy marriage! How do I know? Because I, and all my ancestors before me, grew up and lived in a culture and time that forbids premarital sex. Abstinence as a cultural rule results in: 1)men and women especially women who do not understand their bodies 2)sex becomes a commodity, strangely. men end up buying sex from professional prostitutes and all women end up selling sex either for a life-time guaranteed return, i.e. marriage, or retailing as professionals at the high cost of despise from society. 3)aforementioned 1) and 2) combined result in sexually incompatible couples who have no outlet for their frustrations and it is usually much worse for women 4)so abstinence as a culture results in a society that is ultimately oppressive for women. Abstinence does not empower women. Knowledge about our own bodies, desires and self-esteem and respect empower women.

What a misled woman. Her repression and religious guilt and shame have no relevance to leading a responsible and fulfilling life. There is nothing wrong with sex before marriage. It is an important part of a person’s development, and mature life partner decisions will be far more informed when there is some experience behind them.

@Dave – I understand that guilt & repression is stereotypical of religious people, and especially those who wait on sex. But I’d caution you against applying that assumption to everyone who waits. After all, what would you say to an atheist who was waiting? Would such a person still be driven by religious repression and shame? Some people have their own reasons for waiting that aren’t fear-based.

@Dave, you summed it up pretty well, agree 1000%
@Mike, any atheist waiting would have other reasons waiting than his/her atheism, religious people have only that: religion and that is depressing, I am happy she can finally let go all that frustration, but boy has she a lame life for doing what she does…

@Unga – Thanks for your comment. I understand why it might seem like religious people only wait b/c of their religion, but ultimately I think that’s a very narrow and inaccurate stereotype. There’s more to people than their religion (in most cases).

Let me ask you this: If all religious people who wait do so only out of faith, then why do some succeed and some fail? Do the religious people who succeed at waiting till marriage have more faith than those who give up along the way?

As an agnostic psych student, I don’t think it’s faith (or lack thereof) that makes religious people succeed or fail at waiting; I think it’s a fit thing. I think certain people are just better suited to the journey (and benefits) of waiting, religious or no.

Their faith may inspire them to choose WTM initially, and may help them keep going when times get tough, but ultimately they’re going to discover a thousand other non-religious factors that reinforce their decision to wait, just like atheists do. The differences is that the atheist started out with those non-religious factors; sometimes people who were motivated by faith find them later. But I think most of us waiters end up in a similar place, religious or no, in terms of why we like waiting.

I’m not sure if you’re WTM or not, but if you are and you join our Community at some point, you’ll notice that it’s often extremely hard to tell the religious members apart from the non-religious members.

This is a silly comparison, but there are tons sermons and religious books on budgeting your money so you can donate to the church every year and be a more responsible Christian. If you were to join a budgeting community, some people would be trying to save money so they could tithe/please God, others would be trying to save money so they could afford more vacations; both people need to figure out how to get their food costs down, both enjoy the safety of having emergency funds, and both are essentially asking the same questions for 90% of the same reasons.

Lakita Garth is a very rare person. Her choice to abstain until marriage is, in some circles, admirable and I’m sure she feels a great deal of pride having denied her basic and natural instincts for so long. However her choices are not right for everyone, sex until marriage needs to be taken on an individual basis, there is no right or wrong way for a person to explore and develop their sexuality. Mrs. Garth needs to understand that her individual choices may not be right for everyone and accept that people have a personal freedom over their body instead of preaching shame and intolerance. Shame on you, Lakita, you are out of touch, not only with your own body but with the modern adolescent.

The decision you took was a very wise one lakita and I believe with self-control(a fruit of the spirit) it is possible 2 wait until marriage, I also took that decision,I’m 18 now and its good to know that someone actually was able to wait till such a great age:)

Lakita Garth, you are an imbecile. You espouse morality from the buybull just like every other fearful sheep. You are not helping anyone. You’re just a big mouth know NOTHING. Please do not reproduce. We have enough surplus population as it is.

@Gregory Lions – “Imbecile”? A woman who’s written two books, has a Bachelor’s degree and an honorary doctorate? But you think she “knows nothing” and should not have children because she chose to wait until marriage to have sex?

As Mike pointed out above, the vast majority of religious people who wait till marriage are not “fearful sheep” who only wait because their religion says they should. In fact, if that’s their only reason for waiting, then personally, I’d doubt they’d be able to do it. I can tell you from my own experience that I have dozens of reasons for saving sex for marriage besides my religious beliefs.

The Lady has truly done a noteable thing.but the emphasis should not be on WTM but the rewards of self-control which a Virgin Marriage is one of them. This is a sensitive topic because people who listen are not all virgins or waited till marriage.In the end, she would have more antagonists should it be put to vote.Nevertheless It should encourage,not discourage nor judge.Besides that,it’s an incredible story.Thanks.

I Thank the Good Lord for your righteousness, Sister! God gets all the glory, for your holy story! On youtube there is a song I would like your opinion on its by the “Love Junkyz – Love of Loves” please let us know what you & yours think, of our body of work. It was created for young-folks!

Totally Love this woman! <3 I do not understand why some people are posting hateful comments… They just jealous or guilt. If you don't know who you are, you will give it to anyone or anything. That is why some people will never experience the highest form of love, because they let their private parts pick their mates. They associate love with SEX…their spirits are sooo messed up that they do not even think properly.

lakita more people like you!! you are a great woman .the issue of abstinence always attracts alot of negativity for some reason . somtimes i think people would rather hear you say you are a swinger who sleeps with several men , women and animal occasionally, than hear you say you are saving yourself for marraige. all those getting irritated with someone choosing to abstain check your hearts look inward what is it that really annoys you?i abstain and i am proud haters will always hate but.my purity is mine no insult or hate words will pull us down .so if you are abstaining like lakita did stand tall and proud!!!

WTM is not for everyone. But someone who chooses to WTM shouldn’t be looked down upon, as waiting is definitely viable option.

Look at Lakita… she’s smart, successful, confident, and also happens to be a virgin – I don’t think that her virginity made her depressed in any way. If her choice made her happy, who are you to disagree?

Abstinence is the best way to go. There are many ways, but waiting until married is best. It’s hard to do because we are influenced by are peers. We don’t want to stick out. I must admit, I didn’t want to stick out.
I was a virgin until 22, and I was ashamed at times. I always covered my good in life. I am proud that someone says wait to marriage.
I have been married almost 17 years, as a spiritual person, I know having sex before marriage will have negative effects.
People think when you say do not have sex yet, that you are saying it is bad, it’s not. The reason one should wait is because God said so.
I said that I was spiritual for a reason, the reason is, there is a difference in being spiritual and being a christian. Anyone can say that they are a christian or spiritual, but only one can walk the walk.
You can be a said christian and not be spiritual, but you must be spiritual if you really are a christian. You can’t be spiritual without being a real christian. If you say you are not christian, you are not spiritual, if you say you are not spiritual you are not christian.
I am not the best writer, but hear me out, I know what I am saying. God is a spirit, when you do what He says you are spiritual, you are a real christian. When you do not do what He says you are not spiritual and not a christian. Once again, you can say you are a christian, or even think it, you have to do it, when no one is looking, (that’s being a christian).
Since I am spiritual I know that not waiting, as God says brings problems. I wrote in my book that “fornication is the mother of cheating”, A spiritual person can learn what this means. Its means, if you don’t wait you will most likely not stay faithful. Your partner most likely will not stay faithful. This is one of the many problems of not waiting until marriage.
I specialize in this one because even though I am not an expert, I was married at 24 and still married almost 17 years later without cheating. Why? I have a lack of experience outside of my now wife. I was ashamed of this back then, but thankfully now I’m not too ashamed. This lack of experience, kept me in line because I did not know how to get a taste of anyone else.
When you start having sex outside of marriage, it’s hard to stop enough to be faithful forever. I am very “high school” and simple and my example will also be so: ex: who strives more, and person from a poor country with opportunity or a person that had it easy? ex: who will most likely do drugs, a person who smokes or a person who doesn’t smoke? ex: who is most likely to cheat, a person who had 10 partners, 5 partners, 3 partners, 1 partner, or a virgin, once they get A partner? See, this is baby stuff, but the meaning is spiritual, and you know all the answers.
This is how it is with God, He is simple, right, and loving. He wants what Is best. He should know.
I only focused on the cheating part when you don’t wait until marriage hoping you can relate.
To all you virgins out there, God bless you. Keep making a statement. Your lack of experience now, will help you be hungry enough to keep a marriage and grow once married. God will also bless you with supernatural skills in bed, trust me, the world won’t tell you this. They run around and get worn out. God is life, love and sex in marriage. You will be fresh and limitless. Check out my book at Authorhouse.com. I am living proof, no cheating, full communication, full trust……Tell 10 women to order this simple spiritual, 6th grade education type book. Yeah, I said it, but guess what, I am not 6th grade in marriage or knowing how to be married, or even starting to think about marriage for you….

Obviously unhappy with homely older guy with the boring
personality she married. Mike, right she married a divorced man with children and even a grandchild. So she did not find a man who had waited for her.

So in the end she has not been a great shining example for abstinence because her stance really had little to do with virtue and a lot to do with having a low opinion of men.

“The guys who do stick around either see me as a challenge or are genuinely intrigued with the whole notion of abstinence and want to know more.” Do what? She never met real Christian men? Men only heard about abstinence after meeting her? What planet has she been living on?

You are an inspiration Lakita! I remember when Lakita came and spoke at my church years & years ago when I was still a teenager. She helped affirm my stand to wait for marriage. God strengthen me to do so & He blessed me with a wonderful, caring, God fearing man of God and we have been married for 10 years now! God bless you Lakita for living your life for Christ & taking a stand when it is not popular! It is easy to fall for anything & anyone, but it takes the grace of God to stand against temptation. God will reward you for all you have done to strenghten others in the faith!

To all those Waiting Till Marriage, be encourged; you are not missing a thing out there, but heart-ache, STDs, unplanned pregnancy, being a statistic etc. ! Take a stand & know that the Lord will bless you for your obedience!

I am proud of LaKita. I think those who leave angry comments feel a little sad about their own choices. Don’t feel upset. The bible says all have sinned and come short of the glory of God. God honors obedience. God honors redemption. Anyone who wants to get started on the right path, can make a positive choice and turn things around. Purity begins in the heart and the mind. She is a role model. Thanks for continuing to share your story LaKita in this world that is losing its morals. I have followed your encouragement for years. God bless you.

I remembered you spoke at a Youth Conference i got yo go to and was very blessed from being able to buy one of your t-shirts that reads: “No Ringy, No Dingy’ it reminds me to stand up for what i believe in God my husband is preparing me for someone in His timing!

I can’t believe all the hateful comments on this website. If you don’t agree, then have a calm debate and try to be open-minded and find the correct answers (whether they be what you first thought correct or not) like an intelligent person. I’m WTM, I’m NOT confused or unsure about my body about my body, I’ve had plenty of chances to have sex and I’ve said no because I have self respect and self control. I want to have sex like everyone else; I’m just as hormonal as you are. I am Christian, but I pursue abstinence not only due to my faith but because I’ve done my scientific research and found out that it is actually back for your physical and mental health to have sex with an unattached partner (as in, not married to you) or multiple partners. This is not a matter of religion, or denying oneself. It’s science. And people say “denying natural needs” like nature demands that anything with hormones have sex. There are plenty of ANIMALS that abstain, did you know that? People act like it’s rare, but there are plenty of animals that mate for life, and humans are more likely to be healthy in a permanent, exclusive relationship. You don’t like Lakita Garth-Wright? Fine. Think whatever you want. This is America and it’s all about being able to think or say whatever you want. But please, be polite and do your research before you go making rude and thoughtless comments.

It’s funny how all these hateful people claim that having sex before marriage will lead to happiness. If we look around at the world we live in, that is not the case (disease, unwanted children, rampant infidelity). If waiting is not for you, then fine, but why all the hate!!! People waiting til marriage don’t call people who don’t whores, make fun of them for their unfaithful spouses because they never learned self control, or tease them because they abort their unborn children. If it’s not for you, then it’s not for you.

I was saving myself for marriage, but I failed, now I simply don’t want to get married. It doesn’t make me a better or worse person. But I will say that I would never marry a female that has had all these different partners, is all used up, and then try to have some sacred bond with them. If promiscuity is so great, why are divorce and infidelity rates sooo high?

Why do people think that having sex before marriage will lead to all this great sex. I’ve had sex before marriage and it can still be awful. You work with your partner and you fix the problem. Even married couples that had sex before still can have issues. I wish I had waited. It would’ve saved me all the drama, unwanted children, and despair 🙁

In a world that is so messed up, why do we knock people that try to do things differently. I’m not saving myself for marriage, but if I had I think I could have avoided a lot of the problems I’ve gone through. I don’t understand why we have to attack people that want to do something better instead of encouraging them. People in these comments talk about how they want an “experienced” partner sound like fools. You can gain experience together. I’ve slept with multiple females, but not everyone likes the same things, and who wants someone that is all used up by everyone else. I believe that you actually have better sex the less partners you have because everything is new instead of that been there done that feeling. I believe it has even been scientifically proven that you have better sex in marriage when you don’t have a significant amount of it beforehand.

I think I’m too far gone to change, but if we looked for a second at the things we’d gain as opposed to what we’d be giving up, more people would live by this philosophy and the world would be a better place.

Lakita , you are an inspiration! Thank you for your bravery to speak on such an important message. It’s clear that you wish to educate to help other avoid the cost of pre-marital sex. My husband and I do pre marriage counselling as well as post and find that people are so ill informed as no one is talking about it. You are to be commended for your passion, tenacity and love for people.

I have read all the interesting comments and have this to say. The issue about abstinence before marriage is a choice and decision by an individual. For a christian, the Bible says our bodies are the temple of the Holy spirit and must be kept holy. This is a deeply spiritual issue and and I attest to the fact that when God says we should not do something it is for our own good. God has absolutely nothing to gain but rather wants to save us from a lot of trouble that will result from our bad choices and decisions. For those christians who have made the choice and decision to abstain from sex till marriage, trust me you have made an excellent decision and if you remain true to it you will never regret. I made a vow to abstain about 23 years ago, I failed at some point and I am 40 unmarried and full of regrets.

Well, you can wait till marriage – but not wait with marriage until 36! There is a high risk of being childless if you start at that age, for one thing. Does Lakita have any children..?

I am ambivalent against this idea, because on one side I feel a certain disgust against many of my countrywomen, who have no self-respect, restraint or values at all. They can let strange, foreign men do it with them in a toilet at a club… Not everyone of course, but too many girls and women are like this. On the other hand, it is not good to be as I was either, the other extreme: I had almost no friends when I was young, but instead comforted myself with a lot of romantic novels, movies etc. and somehow expected something like that would happen to me in reality. Of course it did not! There is no supernatural power that checks the world for worthy 30-year old virgins and throw handsome, exciting Lords or Princes in their way! 🙂

When I was 33 I made a reality check and just settled for a man who wanted me. He was no prince at all, he was unenployed and quite fat and he did not share many of my dreams or ideals. But he was REAL. We are divorced now but still good friends, and I got my two children that I very nearly missed out on. That would have been the most terrible thing of all!

What I am saying is that sluts are really despisable, but overheated virgin ideals can also drive you in the wrong direction, into unrealistic fantasies that will end you in loneliness, childlessness and disappointment. I now think that it would probably have been much better for me if I had had friends in my teenage years, and gone out to parties and clubs and found a boyfriend at 17 or 18 as most of my friends in upper secondary school did.

Well i’ll just be here waiting to chuckle as I see a large percentage of the site users come back saying things like anne yet still defending it. It’s highly amusing to see the “holier than thou” attitude. Which is why people are vitriolic Anna from july 20, 2015. Carry the attitude of “i’m better than you” because of some arbitrary shit and you will make enemies lol.

If you want to shackled your only life with such a burden go ahead, if my gamble is right on the afterlife then I can’t even say I told you so.

Lakita Garth is an exploiter of “Gods” word she’s used it to gain fame and fortune if she was truly devoted to God and god alone she wouldn’t feel the need to publicize it ?!?! She’s all for herself and she was a fucking joke on politically incorrect back in the 90’s She doesn’t like other peoples opinions mainly Marilyn Mansons She’s an indoctrinate she probably doesn’t have her own opinion anyway all she does is qoute what she’s been told ??!!??!! Deuschebag.Manson Rocks !

I don’t doubt your positive intentions. I doubt your results, and grasp of reality in your approach to create change. I have seen no statistical evidence to support the idea that your approach works. If you have any information contrary to my statements then please share with me and the world.

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