Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours but we've
really come together as a group and I love that. Big thanks
to Omar for putting up the poster that says "There
is no 'I' in team" as well as the one that says

"Hang In There, Baby." That cat is hilarious.
However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can't forget
to take care of the cave. And frankly I have a few concerns.

First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise
missiles, we should be even more concerned about the scorpions
in our cave. Hey, you don't want to be stung and neither
do I so we need to sweep the cave daily.

I've posted a sign up sheet near the main cave opening.

Second, it's not often I make a video address but when I
do, I'm trying to scare the most powerful country on earth,
okay? That means that while we're taping, please do not
ride your razor scooter in the background. Just while we're
taping. Thanks.

Third point, and this is a touchy one. As you know, by edict,
we're not supposed to shave our beards. But I need everyone
to just think hygiene, especially after mealtime. We're
all in this together.

Fourth: food. I bought a box of Cheez-Its recently, clearly
wrote "Osama" on the front, and put it on the
top shelf. Today, my Cheez-Its were gone.

Consideration. That's all I'm saying.

Finally, we've heard that there may be American soldiers
in disguise trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set
up patrols to look for them. First patrol will be Omar,
Muhammed, Abdul, Akbar, and Richard.

Death to infidels,
Osama

Source: This piece aired on the NPR program "Rewind"
and was written by Staff Writer/Producer John Moe