Welcome to the Hearth

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Many thanks to Shilo for yet another beautiful work of art she calls, what else, but: "Heart of Wisdom"

I've been away for a while finding many loose ends to tie up after my mother's death; combing through old pictures, her things and many memories. Gaining new insights into the life of the woman who is my mother and gleaning the lessons from The Heart of Wisdom she taught me about being a good person, about giving back to my world, about sharing my gifts with confidence,and a generous spirit with all who come into my life.

And then there is the 2008 political experience...I find myself pondering our situation here in America with the election process. I don't ever remember one so polarizing as this one. The new element in it all, the one that everyone is talking about, it seems is the Republican VP Choice. You know the one I refer to: One Sarah Palin. Wow! She mostly represents just about everything I don't like in a woman. That she has accomplished things that many women only dream of is not where I have a problem. I have lived with women my whole adult life that have broken down barriers of every sort, so it isn't what she has accomplished but what she thinks she has to do or be to prove her strength etc. that most concerns me. Then I realized when I thought about it, that this is a time when contrasts and opposites have come to the fore. What we have is this strong message of change in our world and then we have a very strong expression of resistance to change. This is not unlike what goes on inside of me or you or anyone else.

I don't know about you, but here's how I experience change in my life: At first I become aware through discomfort that something in my life needs to shift because of what I am doing or how I am going about it that is not working. I might first try to find out what it is outside of myself that is causing this need for change, but in the end, after much resistance, I find that it is something within me that needs to change. There might be a lot of fighting it, but in the end, I have to surrender and admit that change needs to happen within.

There is this one stretch of road that I travel on along the beautiful Oregon coastline on my way to work that always brings insight, a big aha, inspiration and prayerful amazing-grace type moments. It's as if the Angels, God, The Holy Spirit, what ever you want to call The Great Mystery, that chooses this spot on the highway to inspire and teach me. Today as I was driving to work, wondering what "we are going to do about the election" and all this wrangling, that the answer hit me: K, Love is the only way around this. So, I found myself surrounding both sides, and all the "major players," hell, even the American public and myself with the love vibration. I drew a gigantic heart around it all!

See, if I'm on one side of the equation and feel my view is the right view and that yours, if it is different than mine is the wrong view and we keep holding on to our respective "maps of reality," pulling in opposite directions, we will never go forward together, we will just be in an endless tug of war. I don't believe I could ever recognize something outside of myself, unless I also was familiar with it from within. So, if I reject a mean spirited mocking tone of voice coming from Sarah Palin, if I hear exaggeration and hyperbole coming from her, it's because I have had an inner experience that is meaningful to me. It is that shadow side and unloved part of myself I find unacceptable that I want to project on something outside of myself that I don't want to own. If I truly want change in my outer world and want to see it happening for the better outside of me, I have to create it within. The only way it will happen is to love and embrace the wounded unloved fearful part within. When true change happens in my world, it won't be because some hero comes in to save the day. I know who I want to vote for and who I resonate with. For me, the Obama/Biden ticket represents the change I want to see in myself and in the world around me: the Yes We Can be more! The McCain/Palin ticket represents for me the part of myself in need of embracing and loving; the part that resists the change out of fear, or comfort with the status quo. Today I saw the purpose of two sides of the same coin and I know what I am going to do about it for myself. The perspective we each have will make all the difference in how we experience our world. I do have to follow what my mother taught me and do my part to share my gifts and the heart of the woman I am with the world around me. I count on all of you to join me. Change what you can and love the rest in the Heart of Wisdom!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

One of the things that my mother's recent passing has done for all of us in the family is to reconnect with the movement of time by way of going through old picture collections and seeing how we looked and how we changed through time. It is good to see that the little girl in the picture here seemed excited, animated, happy. I think I could say in looking backward, that's how I remember my life for the most part. My sister and I are putting together a slide show of images and music to help us remember our mother and our lives together. We have had a lot of laughing and some tears in the remembering. It's funny how you perceive reality now as compared to then. My growing awareness in noticing so many more details about the now moment is astounding compared to the past. Back then, "back in the day," no matter what day that was, I seemed so clueless about so much. In spite of that cluelessness, I do remember some wonderful things about my life that gave me the strength and courage to go forward in the pursuit of my dreams. What I do know by looking back is how important each now really is. When you are young, you think you have all the time in the world. As I age, each moment seems so much more precious. I find myself really slowing down the rush and just savoring more. I find myself having a much freer calendar than I have in the past. I resist the world's attempt to rush me. When I stand in the bank line waiting my turn and the floor person tries to see if she can take my deposit so as to hurry me along to my next destination, thinking I would appreciate that, I decline and say:"I'm in no rush, I have all the time in the world today." I mean it too. What's the hurry really? There is no fast way to now. I find I want to appreciate just how my body feels now and that it is ok the way it is. Those days some 30 years ago when I thought I was so heavy and needed to lose weight... Wow! Was I ever clueless! Anyway, now is the moment I want to enjoy. Wonder what it will really turn out to be?

Monday, August 11, 2008

Mom left us quietly in the wee hours of the morning on August 10th. She was probably waiting until we were all tucked in our respective beds fast asleep, so she could at last have her own final rest. Moms are like that. I couldn't resist putting this picture of her up in tribute, as it has always been my favorite, and I'm sure, a form she would like to take if she ever comes visiting us from dream time. This is how I will remember her. I find myself gathering little embers of memories... things I treasure about my mother. I don't think I ever turned out to be the "girly-girl" mom really wanted. She used to love to comb my long hair when I was about 5 or 6 years old until one day I discovered a pair of scissors and decided to see how they worked on my own hair. I must have really took a chunk out right close to the scalp because then for quite a while, I had this little boy bob and my father would jokingly call me sonny, just to see my mother break out in tears. One Christmas time I remember she fixed a plate of Christmas cookies and she and I would lounge on her bed while she read me "Little Women."

Whenever she saw me, she would always ask: "How's that beautiful daughter of mine?" I don't ever remember going through that stage when I was a teenager of looking in the mirror thinking there was something missing. I'd always say approvingly to myself: "Well, you look OK..." There were many other ways that I was gifted by my mother, but I think it was the confidence she instilled in me that I really treasure. No matter what strange idea I might come up with and try out on her, she always said: "Sure, why not!" I know my other siblings will have their stories and memories and even though we had the same childhood, each experienced it from their perspective. I'm glad I have mine.

Towards the end of her life, she had a very rich fantasy life which seemed to include lots of great grandchildren. According to her, my nephew and his wife had about 69 children. Many of them were twins or triplets. She was sure they had to hire a bus to get everyone to church. Her favorite great-grand child, the one she spent the most time with, apparently, was little Mary Rose. Evidently the little one would help her out at dinner time and eat the food mom didn't like because she didn't want "Gam ma" to get in trouble for not eating her vegetables. I personally liked this world she lived in and used to talk often to her about different aspects of it. I thought: Why not? That's why we watch TV and go to the movies, isn't it, to enter into another world?

I'm looking forward to continuing the relationship, now that she is free to come and go, unencumbered by physicality.I have no doubt it will still include a few:" sure why nots" from the other side. So, another soul joins my cheering section. I wonder what we will all be creating together? I'm sure hearts will be involved.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Today mom was enrolled in hospice. Though she has been in a rest home for a number of years, she took a serious turn this past week and the Doctors said they don't expect to recover from a bleed into her brain and it would be risky, or at least not really improve things to do any surgery. I and my family are preparing for her crossing. My father, too, has been in decline, and though at the present time he seems to be in a bit of a rally, both he and my mother are probably going to "leave the planet" in the not so distant future. That's the thing, though: no one really knows when. It will probably be just a quiet slipping away for both of them. The last time I was with mom, she was in a coma so I didn't expect a response, but talked and sang to her, knowing she was following my every word and song. I wear a gold band on my finger that marks my religious commitment. This ring was made from a combination of gold from the rings both Mom and Dad gave each other when they married. Over time their rings have been replaced with new ones. Since I made my final vows on their wedding anniversary, the three of us share a special date in time, and a very special ring. It must have stirred something in her when I told her when I was with her this last time, that when ever I twirled the ring on my finger, I was thinking of them both and that it would be a special signal to her when she got to the other side that I was calling her. It gave a whole new meaning to the words: "I'll ring you up." Both my sister and I were with her. When we got ready to leave we said our goodbyes and I love yous, not knowing if it would be for the last time, and, she opened her eyes and said, "And, I love you!", then she took my sister's hand and kissed the back of it. That has always been my confirmation that we are in the presence of an angel!(so many times in my life when I have an odd encounter with someone who seems a bit out of place, and then their parting gesture to me is to kiss the back of my hand, I know it's a heavenly visitor I've just been with.)

We were both blown away, of course. And so we wait on heaven. No one really knows when she or my father will swing out on the great cosmic Smile of Divine love and move into another existence. They celebrate their 64th wedding anniversary on August 7th, tomorrow. We'll just have to wait and see..........

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Maybe you have felt the shift inside, lately. I know I have. There are days of low energy where I feel like I've been put in a light trance-like state and some serious downloading of information comes streaming in. Nothing I could verbalize, just a knowing. The world looks a bit odd at times, like I am in another dimension, yet, not really....I feel like I have been attending mind blowing lectures in dream time, yet I can't remember a thing I heard and yet, I know I'm different because of it. I don't even know how to put it all into words but I observe it all around me. Some of you feel it too. It may feel like you are on overload and that your nerve endings are frayed, followed by feelings of peace, contentment and a rightness to your life, even, dare I say, floating in a state of Grace. It's crazy mixed up at times and life goes on as before. But, it's the little blue lights that dart around that most amaze me. I've had many times in the past when they were frequent visitors. I know it's not just me because others have reported the same thing. They are hesitant to mention it because it's so fast that you wonder if you just imagined it...but there they are again. When people around me get brave enough to bring it up and ask if I see them too, we are all relieved to realize it not "just me," but others are seeing them too. When they come near, I also get "thoughts" that come to me like: "dolphins are to ETs as dogs are to humans...." And I say: "Okay, where did that come from?" It's not like I was asking about dolphins, but, it is an intriguing thought. I say all this because maybe many of you out there are beginning to connect with something akin to teachers in the ethers giving you information or encouragement at the moment. Maybe you are feeling a bit out of sorts and weird and this may bother you. I believe we are entering into a time when we will be and are already growing new abilities that will be serving the greater good. One day we will be much more telepathic than we have ever been and it will be preparing us for relating to one another and to Gaia (Mother Earth) in multi-dimensional ways. It is all in line with realizing our oneness with her. You may already be finding yourself wanting to lay on the earth, or be close in some way or other to nature. It may feel like a deep longing. Go with it, answer the call, drop everything you are doing and answer that call. The teachers coming near are real and they are here to teach us all how very fond our Mother Gaia is of us. They will not let up, so we might as well accept this. What ever way the teachers come near, be it a book of wisdom, a movie or dinner conversation, or seeing the new way we handle an old "problem" with ease, this is now our time to shine, to experience our emerging magnificence. Even though the world around us appears to be "going to hell in a hand basket," things are definitely not what they seem. Thank God/Goddess for that!

Friday, June 27, 2008

When I first moved here to the coast, the confirmation that it was the right move for Sophia Center was discovering these little purple Campenula in a planter in front of the shop. At first they seemed somewhat timid, but came on strong after I kept complimenting them and touching them every time I walked by. At our very first location in the Historic Laundry Building at Marylhurst, this same variety of Campenula lined the narrow space in front of the building. In the summer, at least 10 people a day would stop to ask what kind of flower that was. This must have gone on for years before I came to establish my studio there because once I inherited the care of the old laundry building I would find little notes taped in every nook and cranny, written by the older sister that was the manager of the building before me. I think they were meant to be a reminder to her. Each one said: "The purple flowers out front are Campenula."

These little bell shaped flowers bloomed continuously, even during the winter! There was always one or two that bloomed as if to say: "we won't leave you, even in the winter, because we know how much you love us." There have been ground breaking studies "back in the day" to show that plants somehow know they are loved and thought well of and they seem to respond favorably to this attention. Some of you may remember an earlier post I did about my orchid. It gave me five or six big blossoms and hung around for about 3 months and then faded away. I thought I might have to wait another year or two for any more activity from this little soul, but, to my amazement. I discovered that where the old flower stalk ended and shriveled up is a new one shooting out with more buds getting ready to wow me! Maybe it wanted to encourage me as I get used to the fact that Toby is no longer physically present. Maybe little orchid thought I could use some creature company. Don't get me wrong, My sister and I are having a marvelous time spending time each day. I think it is the way that Mother Earth reaches out to us through the beings who are most in tuned with her energy.

The thing is, Mother Earth is changing. She is being re-configured by cosmic forces. And, she is not the only one. There is astounding new data, not covered by main stream media. that every planet in our solar system is going through a process of global warming! It has nothing to do with the burning of fossil fuels either. There is a fundamental change that is happening to our part of the cosmos, a birthing process. Consciousness is awakening in all of us. Our plant and animal kin are even more aware of it than we are and are preparing us to join in the great awakening our planet is experiencing. This is why, in the end, it is so important to tend to the environment and watch ourselves so we don't add to the difficulty of the change we and out planet must experience. Most of all it is our heart place and the quality of our thoughts and feelings that are so important to be directing and choosing carefully. It will be the difference between a hard or soft landing, I think. There are many out there that want to keep stirring up fear and negativity. However, this is an important transition time that requires many faithful lighthouses and anchors to help keep stability and hope and kindness moving us forward. It starts for all of us by first looking in the mirror and loving who we see, and then taking that feeling into each day and looking out at our world with this same positive recognition. Because, when we arrive where we are going as a transfigured species, we want to be able to recognize the faithful companions waiting for us to realize we have come to our "sweet spot." I'll bet for me, and I'm counting on it, that it will be something like those little purple Campenula that will be involved. What about you?

Monday, June 2, 2008

This seems to be a time for Angels, I guess. A special Angel who has been my companion for the last 5 and a half years took his leave this day about noon. I inherited him, a white with brindle patches, greyhound from my friend, Cindy, who preceded him by 5 years, as she crossed the rainbow bridge. When he first came into our household from the greyhound adoption program he carried a winning racer Name:" Nebraska Chief." He told us he wanted to be called Toby. He carried his name in a gentle way. Everyone who ever met him notice his regal beauty. He had an unusual diamond shaped mark on his third eye, that is called a "monks hood" and it is believed that a dog carrying that mark was touched by the hand of God. All of us who knew him, felt that way too. The many times I took him to the beach he was an ambassador of peace and welcome to all he met. He once pointed out a heart shaped shell fossil and so many times helped me find heart shaped rocks. It was only right that we two walked together looking for hearts. His very fir coat sported a heart shaped brindle patch, so his mission here on earth was to remind us all of the power of love in our lives and to lead lives where matters of the heart were first and foremost. What I liked most about Toby was his quiet presence, he never demanded attention but was content to be near by, keeping me company. One of the great things that he was for me was an exersize coach. Because of him, I walked each day and made time to get out and see the world around me as he did, sniffing the salt sea air and looking for something furry to chase. I loved that he stayed by my side when we walked. I never had to worry if he would run away when he walked or ran on the beach without a leash. When we would take our long walks up the beach he stayed just a pace behind me, "following his leader," like a good dog should. What an easy person he was to be with. During the 3 short years he was a racer he experienced many things that left him scarred and scared. I don't even want to think what it must have been like living in a cage during those years. When we adopted him he became a 45 mile an hour couch potato. I'm not sure if my couch will ever be the same without a greyhound on it. For the next three days, the gate to the yard will be left open in recognition of his newfound freedom. Run free, Dear Friend, you are free to chase any rabbit you like now and eat all the chicken strips you want. Thank you for coming near for a while.

Saturday, May 31, 2008

They came through the door in a simple way, looking for "Kathryn," they said. Two women who were mentally disabled (by "normal" standards) and their guides, who were there to help shepherd them in a shopping experience, quietly came in a moment of grace. One of them "wore the costume" of Downs syndrome and could hardly be understood when she spoke. The tip off for me right away that these were Angels in disguise was the one with Downs frequently asking a question, (I heard as code for "we are not who we seem"), "where are the Halloween cards?" The two guides were gently trying to help her see that it was not Halloween, yet, but I knew what she was really trying to say.

My friend, Cindy, who crossed over 5 years ago has shared with me many times that none of us are really who we seem and that we are all heroes who have come here in disguise to be of service.

"We come in disguises as if at a costume party. We sometimes have a great laugh at each other when we see what each of us chose as our costume."

At some point in the process of wrapping her purchase up she made a point to make sure it would go in a sack. When I brought the sack out and handed it to her she held it open and said: "Trick or Treat" and laughed as I place her purchase in her sack. Then she asked me for my card. When I handed it to her she scrutinized it carefully and said very purposefully: "Oh, you are very famous! We all know you! We'll be coming again sometime." Then winked. Her guides were mildly amused, but I'm sure, missed what was really going on as she wished me a Happy Halloween.

I make it a point to see that Sophia's Gifts, the little studio/shop I work in daily, has always been a place of comfort and encouragement for those who come to visit. Today, however, the Angels came to call just to extend the encouragement to me. I am so glad I was paying attention! Somehow, I'll bet they have been out and about in your lives, too....Have you noticed?

Monday, April 14, 2008

I'm not sure if this is your experience, when you get around one of your siblings, but it seems like being around my kid sister has brought the playful, little kid out in me. She does have a zany side to her and it just gets me going. The other day one of the volunteers gave me this little pig toy. When you press it's hand he starts snorting, swaying and squealing out a little song. It is such a riot, the serious goes out the window and both my sister and I go into a fit of laughter. I don't know when I have laughed so much. I realized I've just been way too serious lately, though, because the laughing is just so much dang fun! We had a pretty good day at the studio as far as sales go, the other day. It has been a bit scary to see the sales drop. It's the economy. It has become serious business. But, when "Mr. Bank" arrived and started singing and dancing, serious and scary flew out the window. Each time we made a sale someone reached over and made "Mr. Bank" dance and squeal. Then, we couldn't help ourselves we all started laughing. If you can find something in your life that is a laugh-maker, I would strongly urge you to bring it closer into your life and use it whenever you find yourself getting too serious. There is nothing that is quite so infectious than laughing out loud. I heard once that to keep yourself healthy and happy you should be hugged at least 10 times daily. I think about 10 really strong belly laughs should also be added to the daily requirement of soul medicine as well.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Robbie and I 1966, I was 19, she was 16. We were both much thinner than we are now, but not as wise....

For the last 18 or so years I have been sharing my home with women in transition. It use to be that nuns lived together exclusively with other nuns. It was unheard of 40 years ago when I entered the community to live with those who were not vowed religious and usually those from one's own community. Things are quite different today. After spending a number of years working on the streets of Portland with homeless people and later working with many women who came through our Center, I began to be concerned with women, especially those who were in transition. One thing led to another and I have been sharing my home with various women who Spirit has sent that need a safe place to live while they figure out what comes next in their lives. It is always interesting when each woman moves in. I always have to adjust things to accommodate their needs. Now, I find my own kid sister has become the newest woman to move in.We are four years apart in age, and though, in the past, many of our interest have been very different, of late we are discovering more and more things we share in common. So, it will be interesting to see how it goes.

One way we still differ is the T.V. It is hard for me to stay interested in much of what is served up on the television these days. I mainly watch it to catch up on the news in the morning or evening while I do my daily workout. If I wasn't in a more remote area, I'd probably skip the T.V. altogether. But, for my sister, there are many reality shows she watches "religiously."

The reason I share my home like this is that I value the relational way we humans are put together and extend myself, in the name of my community, to build and nurture the relationship of sisterhood.We nuns call one another by our names, but it used to be that "Sister" was a way we addressed one another. Others also used that term when addressing us. I think it got kind of unconscious. We don't really think about what that meant any more, and now, among us members of the religious community, we rarely use it to address one another, preferring the given name. Sometimes, it has taken living with women who are not nuns to make me a better nun and sister. I'm not sure I can explain that exactly. I don't mean it like, a better nun becomes more "churchy," more than it means, by extending myself and my home to one who is not a nun, makes me have to get to the root of what my and the purpose of religious communities are really for in the first place.

We create for ourselves a sanctuary to nurture and enliven our spirituality and energize us for our mission. At its core, our life as humans is sacred. We nuns have internalized and externalized it as a living model of relationship that empowers, liberates, invites continual growth, mutual support and accountability for the good of the whole. Our lifestyle expresses relationship as sacred in a way that is inclusive and focuses on community as the expression of one of the sacred models humankind needs for it journey to wholeness. The whole universe from the micro to the macro dances as a Oneness in relationship to The Sacred dimension. I think our life in community is less, in the end, about the Catholic part and much more about being a person committed to living out the deeper sacred values inherent in life in this awesome Universe. How will we two sisters in blood get along as sisters in spirit too? More will be revealed.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

This year marks the 20th anniversary of Sophia Center. Today it is estimated that 9 out of 10 people are less interested in religion and more into spirituality, seeking out and living towards the deeper meaning in life. What was true twenty years ago was that many, many women were seeking a safe place to explore their lives and its deeper meaning. They wanted to think for themselves and explore how to live lives in more conscious ways. This is even truer today than it was 20 years ago. In the twenty years I have walked with these women and responded to their stories and to mine by creating sacred art that could capture what has heart and meaning in life, the journey of feminine consciousness has become an ever increasing passion of mine. One thing that has always been the real power of our species is the heart of a woman. This is the fire that continues to burn a bright light of hope in our homes and neighborhoods. It is the civilizing energy in our world. It also has amazing magical powers.

Two stories illustrate this: At about age 15 months I chanced to swallow a fish bone from a salmon pattie my mother carefully thought she had inspected before I ate a tiny piece of it. It lodged in one of my bronchi, apparently. A Doctor reassured my mother when I was taken to see him that it would be okay and not to worry. But, within a day of this proclamation by "Dr. God" mom knew something was wrong. When no one from the hospital would take her seriously, she called the Red Cross and got some action. At last I was admitted in a very grave condition to the ICU. My father, who was on a special assignment with the military in Alaska was brought home in an emergency transport because by this time I was not expected to live through the night. A priest was brought in to give the last rites. My mother kept an anxious vigil for 3 long days. Each day the medical staff was sure I would succumb but my mother just willed me to live and I did! Later, when I was a teenager, I saw this wondrous power myself. We had a little lamb that had been rejected by its mother. A sheep farmer up the road from us came to assess the situation and he advised putting the lamb down because he had never seen them recover from such a sickly state. "It was why its mother rejected it in the first place," was his wisdom on the subject. My mother refuse to believe this and said to the little lamb, "your name is Angel, and you will live, if it's the last thing I do!" Little Angel did live and went on to bring forth twins each spring.

I know many of you out there know what I am talking about. Either you are, or you know an amazing woman whose heart was or is strong enough to heal the whole wide world. I believe that at this time it is the collective heart of women who have kept our world from imploding. As the spring continues to unfold for those of us in the Northern Hemisphere and begin to wane in the Southern Hemisphere, let us do what ever we can to join our heart power together as we wind down women's History month. It is a month every year where we remember and celebrate the heart of women through time who have been the gathering place, the fermentation in the dough that gives sustenance to the soul of our world and culture. Praise and celebrate a woman somewhere in your life today! Light a candle on an altar somewhere for the awesome expression of the Sacred Heart that you are as well, for no matter our gender, we all are under the influence of this Heart of which I speak.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

MAKE READY FOR THE CHRISTWHOSE SMILE, LIKE LIGHTNINGSETS FREE THE SONG OF EVERLASTINGGLORY, THAT NOW SLEEPS IN YOURPAPER FLESH, LIKE DYNAMITE!GERARD MANLEY HOPKINS

In 1986 a small group of Episcopal women approached me to see if they could commission me to make a Risen Christ image for them to give as a gift to one of the women in their parish who was to be ordained a priest. I was doubtful I should be the one to make this image, I told them, because my notion of the Risen Christ had changed so much that I knew I could not do the same stereo typical images we had all grown up with. When they asked me what I would show if I were to do it. I replied:" I have no idea. It would have to be inclusive, cosmic and show a lot of radiance and light. " They all agreed, that they wanted me to do it. They knew it was the right fit. A long about holy week of that year, only a few weeks after the ordination, I knew it was time to "push this baby out." Not even knowing what it would look like, I went into my mental workshop, put a blank screen up in my mind's eye and said:" Ok, what do you want people to see when they look at it?" Instantly, I was shown a white disk of clay with a hint of a cruciform and a dancing, jubilant figure broken through, Just a silhouette of a hole. I said to the Muses: "But, the figure looks unfinished, what do I do about the figure?" A distinct voice so distinct I had to look around to see if someone were there in my studio with me, said: "Use a mirror!" So, in my mind's eye I put a mirror behind the disk and gasped! the hair stood up on my arms...I said: "You're kidding me...do you realize what people will see when they go to look at the Risen Christ image they will be seeing....." "That's Right, they will being seeing exactly what they should be seeing!" It was as if the heavens opened up and the Angels started applauding: "Well finally, somebody gets this!"

For the next 24 hours it was if I were in a trance making this piece. The final part of it came as I was crawling into bed feeling there was something else.... When it came to me, I threw on my clothes and raced to the studio for one last touch.

The quote from the illuminated translation: 2 cor. 3:18 "But we, with unveiled faces, reflecting as in a mirror the Glory of the Holy One, are being transformed into God's very Image, from Glory to Glory."

It came out very early Easter morning of that year and as I was putting the final touches on it so it could be finished on Easter, I looked up and saw the kiln that it had just come out of, which reminded me of the empty tomb,and my mind played the story of Mary Magdalene going to the tomb to anoint the body, now that the sabbath had ended. I followed her in the story to the garden where she sees and has that very important encounter with the Risen Christ. I was so distracted by his response. So cold I thought, to push her back and say: "Do not cling." When I ask him what that was all about, in the quiet of my remembering, fully expecting an answer, I got: "You see, if the woman,(he actually called her 'the woman') and if you cling to the idea that I'm the only one who will ever do this, it will be all for naught! Everyday of my life, my mother, who knew well who I was, held the Mirror of Magnificence to me and said: 'Look, my son, who you are and who you are becoming.' And when I fully understood what she meant, I knew my true mission: To be the mirror holder for you, so that you, too, could someday understand who you are and who you are becoming."

This was The most significant Easter I have ever experienced. This is why I can't get too involved in the old stories and tedious interpretations any more. I am, you are, we together, are the New Story unfolding. We are the Christ becoming moment by moment as we throw off the "little me stories" and really go for the Gold. It does not really matter what your religious belief system is because it is about the new possibilities for the human and for the cosmos. Finally, when even one of us humans "gets" who we really are and who we are becoming, It ain't never going to be the same! And that's the gospel truth!

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Little by little I've watched and waited and finally spring is beginning to show itself! Even though the mornings are still pretty dark when I wake up and the cold is still with us, I can feel the energy welling up from deep in the earth. It is always a reminder that the creatures of the earth are tapped into this great energy and respond with life. New buds are coming forth and even the birds sing a different song when spring approaches. Then there's Easter: The first Sunday after the first full moon, after the Vernal Equinox. That is how it is calculated. Before Jesus it was the Passover...calculated, the first Sabbath after the first full moon, after the Vernal Equinox. Now that we are moving into what we Christians call Holy Week, there will be many cases where the preacher types come out and remind us all about how lucky we are that Jesus came to save us from our sins. This is an approach I've never really bought into. My friend on the other side speaks of this time of year and the challenges of being barraged by the same negative messages this way:

"Make no mistake. The “preacher types” will always be needed to make you strong, K. To stand resolute and to live out the gospel, as the Master did. Most of the time, he, the Master, spoke to a small group at a time and did his healing quietly. He was uncomfortable drawing any attention to his work. It was more important that the ones he shared with got it. He never said: “let’s go gather a stadium full of people so I can preach and teach and let’s do some healing of the sinners and the pathetic so they can convert and I can save them from their sins.” It never would have happened that way either. Because, as you, know, K, it is all about the Light that comes streaming from each aware and openhearted soul, of every microbe and creature, of every human heart. It is all about each choosing to be a shining vessel, an expression of the Source, The Creator, THE ONE. With ONE SO MAGNIFICENT, how can there be any other reality in all the universe? "

It seems to me, all of creation knows all about this too, because the daffodils and crocuses don't talk about religion or salvation, the bird songs and crickets all sing the songs of glory and praise and they do so with such great energy at the return of the light. Does this mean I don't care about the Christian Easter and that to me Jesus is irrelevant? Not at all. It's the emphasis that changes for me. During that last night in the garden where the story turns ugly for the Master when he is astonished about the sleeping disciples and he says: "won't you stay awake with me?" I think he was really talking about consciousness. Once aware of who we truly are, when we look into the Christ Mirror, the Mirror of Magnificence, going back to sleep is not an option. The Light of Spring is just too bright now to roll over and catch just a few more minutes of shut I. If you get my meaning......

Monday, March 10, 2008

What's in a name? When I was named Kathryn after my mother's best friend, it seemed like every little girl or other in my class had some form of that name. There seemed like a million Cathys, Cathies, Kathys and on and on. I only got called Kathryn if my mother was mad at me and wanted to emphasize that I was in big trouble, so I associated Kathryn, my name, with negative feelings. When I entered the convent the practice of taking a religious name was still in practice. At last, I thought, I could be rid of the idea of being one of many Kathys.In fact, no one could have a name that was already in use, so I could be unique and not one of many. When I became a novice my religious name was Sister Mary David Mark. I loved the name David and had always envied my younger brother because he was named David. I found out it meant Beloved of God and I really wanted that name then. Not long after I got the name, however changes in religious life occurred, due in no small part to the Second Vatican Council. This was a world changing event at the time; rather like a spiritual Tsunami that swept through our world and especially the life of nuns. It was realized that the name given us at baptism was the beginning of our life long membership in the Christian family and that the life of a religious was a deepening of that life and journey, giving we who answered the call an opportunity to make a special commitment of faith. Therefore it only made sense as a sign of that thinking to invite us to choose to take our Christian names again. I didn't like how "Kathryn" sounded on me and was reluctant to give up "David, Beloved of God." My friends, however encouraged me saying how beautiful the name Kathryn was and how much quiet power it had. Besides, they said, it will suit you very well as you age. It's a graceful, elegant name. I really grew to love the name the more people whom I dearly loved said the name with loving tones instead of the scolding tones I had associated with it. Today I totally love that name.I know it is a sacred name and I know each of us carries a sacred name.The very first person to love me, my mother, gave me that name, a name she associated with a best friend, someone she loved and wanted to honor.I know today that each name carries a special vibrational frequency with that name that sounds throughout the universe and announces our arrival into this part of creation. Being a member of the Sisters of the Holy Names of Jesus and Mary has made the power of names even more important. To honor and hold sacred the name, honors and holds sacred the person.

This is why I presently have a problem with the "political cockroaches" attempting to continue their fear mongering tactics. You know the way they work: associate a few names Like Hussein and Osama with terrorism and evil and then try to "whomp" up some trouble by trying to make an association with Hussein Obama. I just can't let something like this happen to some body's name without strongly objecting. Here, we in America, are a nation of people who after having been traumatized by a national tragedy, are duped into believing that the bad guys by the name of Hussein and Osama hurt us, therefore, justifying hurting others who are associated with those names. And while were at it, let's just be down on everyone who is Muslim, just in case. More fear and suspicion arises. More stirring up trouble and color coding terror. Then, when someone comes along that reconnects us to hope and goodness again and helps us look into the Mirror of Magnificence by reminding us what we can be and do in the world, as a people, the dupers try some tactic (because they know about the power of vibrational frequencies) to sully his name by trying to connect him with the bad guys. Names are just too precious and powerful to allow them to be degraded and taken in vain. I'm not fooled for a minuet by what is going on. All names are sacred. I've gotten really good "using the mute button" whenever I hear someone trying to change things to suit their own world view. So, I put this thought out to you and invite you to consider how you can best be the power or your Holy Name today and how you can lift up another by consciously honoring the name they carry. Who loved your name on you? May our Holy Names this day be frequency modulators for the world around us!

Saturday, March 8, 2008

I had a religious experience today! Because of an inspiring post at Miss R'snew blog,I now have a clean window on my wood stove. Wow! What a difference. How did I achieve this, you might ask....? Every morning I mix up a concoction of effervescent vitamins and minerals, fresh squeezed lemon juice and water. The empty half of the spent lemon was what I used to clean the glass on the wood stove window. Just rubbed it over the surface without the need of any special cleaning cloth or elbow grease and presto! A clean window. I don't know if this would work quite as well with regular window glass, but vinegar has always been a woman's cleaning friend for that. The thing is, I love our Mother Earth, Gaia. Living here on the Central Oregon Coast and blessed with an ocean view, I am daily reminded of the power of the forces of nature. Yet, there is a fragile side, too, and I recognize that I am part of a species that acts in many unconscious and destructive ways towards the very womb in which we live. I tried composting my garbage, just like my father has done ever since I was very young and well before it was fashionable to do so. I gave up on it, however when the marauding raccoons regularly rifled through it scattering to and fro and making a nuisance of themselves all over the neighborhood. They would sometimes come in packs like little tattooed, gun totting gangs looking for trouble. That's when the kinship model breaks down and you find yourself dreaming up ways to scare them off. Then there are the insects...I once had swarms of sugar ants, tiny little things coming in droves. After making sure the counter tops were spotless and having no luck, I tried borax and cayenne pepper, which didn't seem to deter them. I even resorted to pleading with their queen on a telepathic dimension, hoping we could strike a truce, but to no avail. One day while inquiring at a hardware store what their advise would be, the line of men behind me at the check out stand fell over laughing, when I mentioned trying to talk to the queen ant looking for a reasonable solution. The clerk rolled his eyes and handed me a bottle of "Terror." I admit, I was desperate and succumbed. Everyday I pray for forgiveness for any harm or malice I have ever had for one of Gaia's little children. Some days I feel stronger than others in my resolve and outward actions in living in harmony with the others with whom we share our planet, Gaia. I am thankful, today I was just a little bit greener.....amen.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

I'm pretty pretty sure this is a Thanksgiving Cactus rather than a Christmas or even Easter Cactus. I never really learned the difference. No matter what it's official kind, I am in awe and gratitude every time I look through the window of my studio gift shop. It must really like it there because it blooms continuously. People are always stopping to comment. Sometimes it is awash with blossoms and other times, like now, it seems to be gearing up to show off again. It is like the plant becomes a burning bush! Something I've talked about before in a very early post. The way I look at it: every time you see a burning bush is a sign The Holy One is very near. It is an invitation to take off your shoes and enter the sacred space with a new awareness. It is always a good idea to be paying attention to the messages you get while you are in this state of new awareness. You never know when the voice of God is sounding. Will you hear words spoken in a deep voice of authority. I doubt it, but there will probably be some sort of shimmer and dazzle involved. It's a frequency thing, I think. It is possible that the shimmer could come from an outer awareness but, it is more likely to strike a chord deep within. You know the feeling I'm sure. It is a state of heart and mind that you wish you could stay in forever. For me, it was just a simple act, really, of walking past the window on my way to something else and being so taken with the awesome glory of this little plant mounting up another hosanna shower of blossoms, that it made me do a double take and stop and say what I imagine The Holy One says every time we walk by: "O My God! Awesome!What a Great Idea I Had With That One! On those days when we are tempted to think in "little" terms about ourselves, it just may be that, in the eyes of the Creator, we too, are a Burning Bush! Believe it! P.S. There are some of you who post a comment in the form of a question and since I don't have your e-mail address (penny) it may seem like I'm ignoring you because I don't answer you. In "view my profile," I think there is an "e-mail" link where you can e-mail me so I can answer you.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

One of my all time favorite things to do is to make blessing bowls. Many years ago when I would sit down to throw a bowl I would find myself imagining the people who would use these bowls at family dinners, potlucks, or for their own quiet meal, be it the morning bowl of Cheerios, the midnight snack of Ramen soup or a bowl of popcorn as they watch a movie on TV. My mind and heart always surrounded each lump of clay with kind thoughts and blessings. One day someone suggested I write the blessing on the bowl. At first I inscribed them on the bottom of the bowl, but, lately, I have taken to writing them around the rim. I don't come to the session with a note pad of blessings already composed I copy on to the rims, rather I come with a quiet, listening mind and heart and let Spirit "dictate" the blessing. I don't even stop to read what is written, I just continue on until every one is finished. It is only after the glaze firing when I am taking them out of the kiln that I stop and read them. It's as if I am reading them for the first time. I often wonder as I read: "Who writes this stuff, anyway?" Blessings like: "Blessings come from every in and out breath that you take, endlessly and abundantly blessing the world around you as you move forward, so there is no need to run!" Or this one: "The world is full of those who are waiting, when they could be blessing!" or "Where will the blessings start if not from the one that is hidden inside of you?" It blows me away, every time I open the kiln. There are just not enough moments in the day to be eating salad or chili or whatever in order to try out all the blessing bowls that strike me as the one I want to keep and use for myself. I once had a customer that decided the bowl I was eating my lunch out of was the one she wanted to buy. She didn't even care that I had been eating my daily salad out of it for the past year. She was not going to leave until I agreed to sell it to her. I said:" would you at least let me wash it first, before I sell it to you?" Do I understand that? I don't even stop and question such things any more. It's that I am willing to stop and let blessings flow into my work and out into the world into the lives of people who are ready to receive them, that seems to matter to Spirit. It doesn't stop there because those who catch the idea, go forward and share the blessings with others. There is one customer that buys a whole bunch of blessing bowls at a time and has me send them to him. He trusts me to send the colors and blessings that are right for him. Then, when he entertains, many lucky friends of his leave his home with their very own blessing bowl.

Some have thought only priests or holy people could bless, until they realized in this simple way how the world glows and swells with their thoughts of blessing. They realize that whatever they may being doing in their life with their energy can also be full of blessing for others. As you fold the family laundry or mow the lawn, you can send out blessings. We are always sending out energy, let's do it intentionally.

So, here's the invitation: March 1st is my birthday and on my birthday I traditionally give gifts to others rather than receive them. (My friend, who communicates with me from the "other side" says: "This is so appropriate for you because the day you were born the world receive a great gift! And, this is true of everyone born into your world.")Would you be willing to celebrate with me by doing something to bless your world in a special way that day? Have fun with it. It may be blowing bubbles out over the balcony to those below, or making cookies and sharing with your workmates. Let the "muses of blessing" inspire you, because, I have come to believe our greatest work is always to bless, and bless and bless.

Friday, February 15, 2008

My sister sent me an e-mail with this picture attached. A rare occurrence to some, this perfect little valentine hearted puppy was born in Japan, it turns out. However, I am happy to say, I have my own valentine boy, Toby the greyhound, at home and every time I lean down to hug him I see his heart shaped brindle valentine patch! Miracles of nature; they are every where. We are only able to find and recognize them because endless Miracles resides always and forever inside of us too!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

For the last 19 years I have been making clay hearts. They were created 19 years ago for a little group of women who were in a special treatment program for women who needed to deal with their alcohol and drug addictions and a friend of mine and I, who had just founded our non profit, Sophia Center, were asked to go in and do the Higher Power talk. I knew that there was no way in early recovery, that the women would remember anything we said, so being a clay artist, I wanted to give them a small token made of clay that would be a tangeable sign of hope and healing from Higher Power that they could connect with well after we were gone. My friend suggested we make them heart-shaped and the Hearthstones were born. That was 19 years ago. Back then, I didn't realize I would be making little valentines from God for the next 2 decades! I have no idea how many thousands, millions, maybe, I have made or have gotten others to help me make over the years. What I do know, however, is that it is a labor of love I cherish everyday. It is an honor and a blessing to have this job. There have been some years when I have actually had a few employees make them for and with me, but, for the most part it is my daily work. I have had many, many people tell me the stories of how they came to have one or who they have shared theirs with. I never realized when I made that first batch that it would be a career for me to make, well, "valentines from God." Some of the stories bring tears to my eyes. I know why they are so powerful, too. Each and every one is prayed over as it is transformed from a big chunk of clay into a lovely and simple clay heart. In the first 10 years when our center was located in the old laundry building at Marylhurst, we had what we called "Hearthtalks" where ordinary women and sometimes men sat around the table sharing their lives with one another. While we talked we smoothed the sharp edges of the freshly cut and stamped hearts, while they were still unfired and a bit like leather. It was like an old fashioned quilting bee of sorts. Someone always brought snacks and we usually had someone lead the discussion so there was some flow to our sharing. While we worked, each woman loved the little stack of hearts she was smoothing, silently intending that whoever ended up with her hearts would be blessed with what ever they most needed at the moment. This has been the nearly 20 year intent behind these magical little clay hearts. They are out there, too. People would call me and say that they went for a walk in some state park near where they lived and left hearthstones along the way in hopes that the right person would find a much needed surprise in their path. Many have found their way into the knapsacks of combat soldiers as a reminder that they are loved, no matter what. I like to think that this work is "seeding the consciousness of the future" as well, because some of them will endure and future generations will unearth them at just the right moment in their life. My hope is that it will come true, as the first little group of women wished, that if we just kept making them and sending them out, that someday everyone on the planet would have one in their pocket. We shall see, I know I will do my best to fulfill that mandate.I have had much help, both seen and unseen to do just that. Happy Valentine's Day!

Friday, February 8, 2008

I couldn't resist writing about this one: There I was taking a little time at the end of the day, sitting in front of the wood stove. I had settled deep into an evening meditation. The process is called ascension, and, like most meditation techniques, is all about a one point focus. There is a similar process called Centering Prayer, if you are familiar with that. Anyway, I was deep into this state of quietude. I was in that place some call wakeful sleep, where you're in a deep resting state much like sleep, but you are totally aware at the same time of sounds or sensations around you. The awareness of these things is much like peripheral vision. You are not focused there but just aware that things are going on in the background. One might even say you are in a state of witnessing. Okay, so there I was, when, as clear as a bell, I see in my mind's eye what appeared like a cell phone screen and odd looking symbols, numbers, spirals and other unknown language. The witness in me seemed to smile and instantly know that this was a confirmation of a "download" process, communication from beyond the 3-D dimension. How clever of the Higher Self part of me to send a text message of sorts! I know on some other level that this is going on, even during a Mercury Retrograde when communication is typically screwed up, this message got through loud and clear. What did these odd symbols mean? I have no idea. That was not the point of that brief glimpse, but just a bit of a "wink" from Spirit, confirming that much is going on in the many dimensions. In some ways it seemed to make more sense to me than when I switch on the news for a brief look and see that yet two or three more ordinary people have gone off the deep end and are shooting up the world around them. Looking into the momentary blink of Spirit's message somehow made more sense to me, that despite the seeming chaos in the 3-D world, great and awesome things are happening beyond the veil on our behalf. There may be other such confirmations that many of you are also experiencing right now. It would be fun to hear how Spirit is moving the Spiral in your lives.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

The few times I get sick, of late, have been very insightful times for me. During the course of most days, I try to be aware of many different levels of life and not just the solid, day to day part. There are times, though, that there is so much going on in the many other dimensions we exist in that wants my attention and taking a sick day is the way The Holy Spirit, my word for guidance at the highest level, wants me to pay attention, mark and inwardly digest so I can translate it through my work. I really don't feel all that miserable. I just couldn't talk because of all the clearing of my throat stuff. I sense it is about finding new ways to say or express or even that what I say and express may be about more than I know. Anyway, one of the things that happens and alerts me to the fact that this is not a physical event but about something beyond is that all my senses pick up an intensity. The one that is most affected is my sight. I swear, everything is glowing and moving in slow motion, and it is facinating to notice. It's as if someone has highly cleaned and polished everything. It sparkles! That's when I know that we all are experiencing a major "upgrade to our programs." I don't know how else to explain this but to use those terms. When I listen to people talking about their experiences of life at the moment and look around at what is happening in our world, there seems to be such a stirring up of the pot, so to speak. Some of the most horrendous things are going on in the world now, besides all the strange or dramatic weather patterns,the war and genocide, ordinary people are "going off the deep end."The financial picture seems to be tanking and people are getting nervous or just plain scared. Dispite this, there are also some of the most awesome miracles going on at the same time. There is actually a huge sense of hope stirring somewhere, somehow, do you feel it? As I was driving to work today the words kept playing in my head like a t- shirt logo: Spiral up! Followed by "Reach into the Spiral!"

What does it mean? It is about the same thing that has been coming through in my other blog entries; it seems to mean modulation of frequencies. (come to think of it, that spiral design has been showing up in my clay work a lot.) Though there is plenty that would make us fearful and hopeless, that wants to polarize us, that wants to drag us DOWN, we are invited in whatever way we can to spiral up to the Higher Frequencies. Angel Music is what my friend on the other side calls it. In fact, she once called snow a form of Angel Music. There has been a lot of snow falling out here in the Pacific Northwest of late. I think it is all those billions of little icy stars; perfect geometric patterns of light everywhere! I believe, somehow that the language of The Divine is Music, another form of Sacred Geometry. We can either wail or we can sing.This Language of the Divine is the kind of singing you don't need to have a working voice to do because it is HeartSong Music. Thank you for joining the song. I felt all of your kind and healing energy, each and everyone of you. Didn't you just love the little healing recipies coming through? Thanks to all you awesome healers out there. (Miss R, I knew I could count on you.) Let's Spiral up the Song of the Heart and heal our world from the core of Mother Earth clear out the the Center of the Galaxy! I invite you to reach into the spiral together, because together we can!

Saturday, February 2, 2008

At first I was fighting a cold, now I am actively entertaining It! So, I am taking an extra day of rest. A wonderful self-care for such times is the lemon. Not only will I be drinking lots of fluids but many lemon juice "toddies:" To 8 oz. of boiling water, the juice of one lemon, a generous pinch of cayenne pepper and honey to sweeten. Another remedy for my dry chapped hands, due to clay work is what I call "Sarah's Lemon juice hand bath and annointing beauty treatment." To one generous tablespoon of sugar in the palm of your hand, you add the juice of one freshly squeezed lemon. Vigoursly rub your hands with this preparation both back and front until the mixture becomes creamy and sticky all at the same time. It also feels a bit oily. The smell is heavenly and you find you want to start licking your hands! Rinse in warm water and apply a really awesome hand lotion of your choice. The way your hands feel afterwards is like baby skin! Highly recommended for feet too. I have several books I'll be delving into and a cozy woodstove fire to snuggle near. Toby, my greyhound, has taken it upon himself to see that I have an ample supply of dog bisquits. He has access to a box nearby and thinks this is the best way to heal from any malady. I will also be open to any and all of your prayer support and healing energies aimed in my direction. Blessings!

Saturday, January 26, 2008

We've had some clear cold days and nights here on the Central Oregon Coast. One of my favorite things to do is star gaze. There are times when the Milky Way is particularly clear, vast and breathtaking to behold. There are many places in the world where the human populated areas make the night lights so bright you can't see many stars. But, here on the coast on clear nights, you can see forever! I love it when a shooting star happens. For many years I have been a student of the ancient peoples and their art and ruins. I devour any books I find with pictures and information on the great gathering places our ancient ancestors constructed that seem to be heavily design for star gazing and marking the movement of the heavens in relation to earth. To our surprise, we have discovered their knowledge of the heavens and cosmos was far advanced of what we think they should have been able to know. It occurred to me the other night while looking up into the heaven that making eye contact with these patterns of lights in the sky could be very important to the evolutionary journey we humans are experiencing. I have spoken in past posts of stars in our bones. The very matter, the elements, that makes up the cosmos, also being in our physical bones and flesh is now being confirmed by scientists. But what if there are codes embedded in our DNA that are being switched on due to starlight exposure and the movement of the cosmic dance of the stars? What if there is a "little timer" set within our very DNA (especially within the so called "junk" DNA) that is affected by our awakening, our consciousness, our self-reflectiveness, our wondering and new awareness, our "a-ha" moments? What if the increasing vibrational frequencies we are able to achieve when we focus on positive thoughts and feelings more often than fear and doubt, anger and hatred; what if when we choose compassion over judgement, love over indifference; what if all our choices to dance and laugh and sing rather that choose our old, past "poor little wounded me" dark places, what if this is switching on an irreversible transfiguration in our species, one person at a time? What if?... I don't know about you, but maybe I'll be devoting more of my time to star-gazing, just in case it means something like that.

Friday, January 18, 2008

After low, these many days, we finally get some sun! It seems we have had one storm right after another, so when even a small amount of sunlight peeks through the clouds, my soul is on it like bees to honey. As if on cue, a surprise arrived in the mail today to help celebrate the sun. One of my customers sent a thank you gift of a Rose window she made. As soon as I hung it in the window, the sun took this as an invitation to wow me.

I have been thinking that perhaps this is a way the Universe is waiting for the invitation from our species to expand to a higher frequency of being, just waiting for us to notice and say yes to the possibilities. When there seems to be fear and worry all around, either about the war or terrorists, the economy spiraling downward, or even what poor Britney is up to now, these are all distractions that can take us from our joy. What I find when I am busy creating and playing and enjoying myself, I feel I'm vibrating at a higher frequency. This , in my opinion, is what is necessary for the whole human race and for the entire planet, our solar system and beyond, from a cellular level outward: that we maintain a higher frequency long enough to reach the evolutionary jump point that is our destiny! You know how magnetic love can be, how attractive joy is. We all want to go that way. There is a great pull going on for our attention. Will it be the petty little tyrants that want to drag us down with their fears and angst or are we going to reach for the stars? Remember, we are made of stars, so as long as we don't get distracted we have to choose for the stars...It's who we are!

Friday, January 11, 2008

I watched quietly over the months she lived next door to our little shop, observing her comings and goings. Single mothers have a lot to contend with and she seemed to do her best to give her little son a happy, safe home. She kept to herself, so I never heard her story. As each of the holidays approached she did her best to decorate and celebrate with her child. She had Halloween decorations which ended up blowing into the bushes. For a while, there was a king sized mattress and box springs with a "free" sign on it parked outside the door. I worried that all the rain coming down would make it unsuitable for anyone to sleep on. I found myself entertaining little "ninja thoughts," ok, they were judgements, about how trashy things were looking around her door. She bravely tried to decorate for Christmas putting little snow flake decorations in the tree in front and somehow the tree didn't look as sad and lonely as the little house appeared. One day, about two weeks ago she very quickly moved out, leaving unwanted "free" things in little stacks under the tree. As one wind storm after another blew in, these little stacks of cups and saucers, a coffee maker and other "left-behinds" began to become broken, unsightly and trashed. Each day I became more and more focused on the trash, and less and less compassionate towards the one who had left in such a hurry. Finally, this morning as I sat in my parked car beside the curb and very near the mess, I found myself praying a silent prayer for the whole, sad scene, both outside and within. In the quiet of that moment, Grace descended upon me and I heard the words loud and clear form in my heart-space: "Kathryn, what would Love do?" Instantly I knew what needed to be done. I donned a pair of work gloves I had in my car and got a black plastic bag and cleaned up the whole area. With each shattered piece of glass, tea cup shard and half buried Halloween decoration, I drew a heart around this lonely little place and around the dear soul who had last lived there. I knew the best and only right thing I could do was help a sister in need do what needed to be done, that she herself was, for whatever reason, unable to do. I found waves of love go out from me and surround this place. A little beauty wanted to blossom where Love had created a space.

I am in gratitude for all the ways I have been supported through the hard things I have had to do in my life. When the chips were down, I always had many helping hands to get me through it. I realized it made me obligated to give back, to "pay it forward" for someone else who may have needed just a little more support than she had. I just hope the next time there is an opportunity to reach out and be love in action, it doesn't take me so long to get a clue...sigh

Friday, January 4, 2008

There she was, just waiting for me to notice. Each morning when I have fixed my one, perfect cup of coffee, I make the trip to the window sill to see if the orchid has bloomed. I have been waiting for a good 3 months from the time I noticed that the strange looking tendril that had begun to grow, didn't look the same as the other ones that were air roots. I don't know much about orchids, nor do I particularly remember when this one became a member of the household. (I think it came when friends came to visit Cindy before she died, which was five years ago.) This poor little plant sat for a long time on the window sill. I would water it faithfully, but it never grew or seemed to change, or in any way respond to my ministrations. I one day moved it to a window overlooking the ocean and from that time on, the leaves, all two of them, began to imperceptibly grow. So, every day as I went to look out at the world with my one, perfect cup of coffee, I would talk to the orchid and try to encourage it. After a while it looked like it needed a bit bigger pot of bark. I decided to put the new plastic pot inside of a delicious maroon colored pot to dress it up a bit. I remembered my brother, who is a genius at growing orchids, once saying that you put the water in the outside pot and the orchid would take the water in from the bottom. So, anyway, I did that. Soon the orchid began to put out this tendril and I thought that since it was growing way out beyond the rest of the other more "naralie"looking tendrils, that it had to be a flower stalk. Sure enough, little buds began to appear and little by little and ever so slightly they plumped up. Watching this dear little soul has helped me learn a little bit more about patience. There is no way to make this thing move along any faster, it has just taken it's own sweet time. Then, just yesterday, it happened. Almost when I wasn't looking, it unfurled one of it's buds and surprised me.It's the faithful waiting and careful tending, somehow deep inside knowing that what I do matters, that one day does show up and delight. I found that I didn't go about this with the usual approach of reading up on or taking classes and fortifying my faith with some outside illusion or expertise. I just believed that if I paid attention and loved this little mystery in a pot, that one day, the little shy soul would open up and sing her song. I guess this is how some of my best ideas come about too, by just doing the faithful tending and care, waiting with an innocence and a surrender to the process. I wonder if any of you have noticed that about people or projects, ideas or notions that you believe in that one day when you least expected it, surprised and delighted you with beauty, or awesome wonder? I think that is possibly how it works with The Creator, too. I'm almost positive that we each have caused THE HOLY ONE, from time to time, to blurt out: "O My God! Awesome!