Ryron Gracie Grapples Three People at Once, Somehow Wins

It's hard to tell, but somewhere in the above header image is Ryron Gracie -- he of "Gracie Breakdown" and "being a member of the Gracie family" fame. To kick off the new year, Ryron figured he'd up the ante of his usual video series by taking on three grapplers -- Eddie, a blue belt, brother Roron, also a blue belt, and Kevin, a purple belt -- at the same damn time.

I know, right? The hubris on display here is astounding, and surely will end in Ryron tapping to a heel hook-arm-triangle combo that has him questioning every decision he's ever...

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!! THIS HAS GOT TO BE A WORK!! (*flips table*)

Yes, you saw that correctly. Ryron just submitted all three of his opponents in an 8-minute handicap match that made CM Punk vs. The Shield look like a leisurely stroll through Central Park. That's right, a pro wrestling reference in an MMA-adjacent article! EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT COMBAT SPORTS IS COLLAPSING INWARD ON ITSELF THANKS TO YOU, RYRON.

As much as I'd love to offer a move-by-move breakdown of this video, I tripped over my own feet while putting on pants this morning and therefore don't feel that I could offer the technical insight that it deserves. But to recap: Ryron Gracie 3, student henchmen 0 (also: pants 1, me 0).