Da Couch Tomato

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Cinema, television, literature, and music–basically anything that can be reviewed. If you're interested in writing reviews, e-mail us at dacouchtomato@gmail.com. We won't pay you for reviews, but you get to practise your writing skills. It's a win-win situation for everyone.

•Arya Stark is fast becoming the most fearsome character in this series. First, she's got skills with her sword. Yes, she got beat up last season, but she was blind then. And she was a student of Syrio Forel, so her training is of a higher level than the courtyard steel training of the Winterfell boys. Second, she's small, which makes her quicker and more slippery in close combat. She can probably defeat The Mountain, as long as she stays close. Third, she's a girl, which gives her the ability to slip in and out unnoticed, since Westeros, like the real world, values women less than men. Fourth, she can do face-changing now, although she needs to wear it Mission Impossible-style, unlike Jaqen H'ghar who can change faces in the blink of an eye. And finally, she also has a lot of rage and anger pent up inside her, and all this negative energy is basically her will to live.

•The White Walkers have at least three giants. Three. That's three times the number of giants Jon Snow had in the Battle of the Bastards. Plus, they're undead giants.

•Bran Stark has found sanctuary now at Castle Black, although due to some really bad timing, his sister and half-brother are at Winterfell. Tough luck. And also, Dolorous Edd can totally rock it as Lord Commander.

•Meanwhile, at Winterfell, Jon Snow, the King in the North, shows the Northern Houses his leadership skills, putting all doubts of a bastard ruling over them to rest. He and Sansa need to work on their teamwork, though, as the eldest legitimate heir of Ned Stark has a habit of undermining her bastard brother.

•Meanwhile, in King's Landing, the Kingslayer shatters his twin sister's delusions of grandeur by snapping her back to reality, reminding her that she is queen of three out of seven kingdoms, at best. Cersei, ever the sly bitch, reveals that she has a plan that could give the Lannisters dominion over the waters of Westeros: the Iron Fleet.

•Euron Greyjoy may have command of the biggest naval armada in Westeros, but his character is a douchebag. His mere presence onscreen makes me want to plunge a sword through his chest. I think he is the most despicable character on the series right now. The series needs at least one despicable character at any given time, and that vacancy was filled by Euron following the death of Ramsay Bolton.

HBO

"Come at me, bro."

•Samwell Tarly discovers that life in the Citadel isn't all knowledge and books. There's also chores involved, such as cleaning chamberpots, washing dishes, cleaning chamberpots, cooking, cleaning chamberpots, arranging books, and cleaning chamberpots. He also makes two amazing discoveries in this episode: 1) the fact that dragonglass is found under Dragonstone; and 2) the scaly-skinned Ser Jorah Mormont.

•Jim Broadbent is great as Archmaester Ebrose. He's like that brilliant professor of higher learning who always answers questions in a cocky manner, as if he's annoyed that you even have to ask the question in the first place, but deep inside he's glad that his student's curiosity isn't stifled in the least.

•Littlefinger's moves on Sansa Stark are becoming a bit predatorily creepy, and I'm afraid he might pull a stunt from out of nowhere in latter episodes that would compromise the war in the north. Please, Messrs. Benioff and Weiss. Please don't.

•That sounds like Ed Sheeran singing. It is Ed Sheeran. Oh, and there are actually nice Lannister soldiers? Who would've thought? Also, the guy who made the blackberry wine looks like a younger Stephen Fry.

•I thought they'd already be showing Beric Dondarrion in action, but I guess it's too early in the season for that. I think it's a good thing for the Hound to have joined his group, though. It seems to have activated the Hound's guilty conscience, as he finally makes amends to that farmer and his daughter that he murdered in a previous episode by giving them a proper burial. See, I've always known the Hound's a good guy underneath all that toughness.

•And finally, Queen Daenerys makes her homecoming. She finally lands on Dragonstone, and she looks about her ancestral castle as though it was in bad need of interior decorating. It made me wonder, though, how she had time to get her hair styled and her nails French-tipped while her ship was crossing the waters of the Narrow Sea. The answer: an extremely dedicated entourage.