Cheap Shots: Five European acts who should play Trump's inauguration

In widely reported good news for fans of black humour, United States President-elect Donald Trump is struggling to find American musicians to play at his inauguration ceremony. At E&M we care so very much about poor desperate Donald, that we have decided to offer a few European musicians to him. Read on to find out why...

Robbie Williams

On New Year's Eve 2016 the man once recognisable only as 'Robbie' played on British television during the run-up to midnight. Needless to say his cover of 'Freedom' by the recently deceased George Michael was terrible. Mr. Williams is however a European who has always shown an affinity with the odder conspiracy theories you can find in the United States.

In 2008 he told The Guardian about his obsession with aliens: “"I've been spending so much time at home on the internet on sites like AboveTopSecret.com. I want to do something. I want to go out there and meet these people. I want to be a part of this. I want to do something other than sit in my bed and watch the news.”

So my suggestion is thus, Robbie goes back to America and stays there, having struck a blow for all alien dictators by playing for Donald Trump.

T.A.T.U

Some time ago, Russian duo t.A.T.u. made headlines, largely due to the raunchy lesbian kiss in the video to their break-out hit 'All The Things She Said'. Based on this, you might think we'd be sending them to taunt Trump with their embrace of diversity. Alas not, relations between Julia Volkova and Lena Katina have degenerated somewhat since 2003.

In 2014 Volkova, despite 'All The Things She Said' establishing the pair as lesbian icons, explained that she would “condemn a gay son”. Her bandmate Katina was at least publicly critical of this, but E&M would be interested in seeing this discord on stage soon.

So, they'd be a good choice to send to Washington both to get some rather retrograde views out of Europe, and then this correspondent will be hoping for a full blown fight on stage over a socially progressive issue. In reality, Volkova might make Trump look accepting, and/or might ruin his big party.

Lordi

Some angry Finnish metal might scare Donald? Maybe.

O-zone

This is purely vindictive. However the classic Eurodance hit 'Dragostea Din Tei (Numa Numa)' by Moldovans O-Zone was quite possibly the most annoying thing to emerge from that part of the world since Dracula. I have absolutely no idea whether they had any other decent songs at all, but your writer would suggest they play 'Dragostea Din Tei (Numa Numa)' for Donald a few times. Preferrably outside of his White House bedroom window at about 3AM.