Monday, August 08, 2005

NEW THEORY OF CREATION PUT FORTH

By Stockton

The debate about how life came to be has heated up in recent years. Theories abound, from creationism (a literal interpretation of the Bible) to evolution (gradual change) to intelligent design (a brilliant engineering student at MIT).

Yesterday, a group of scientists unveiled what they hope is a compromise theory, albeit supported by not only facts but also by documents and sworn affidavits.

The theory is called "The Design by Committee Theory".

"It's exciting stuff," says Roger Milton, Professor of Evolutionary Sciences at Boston University. "The theory actually came to me after my new care broke down for the third time."

The new theory (DBCT) sets forth the following:

1) The world was designed by a committee of 27 individuals;2) They were of mediocre ability;3) They were not paid;4) They spent a lot of time discussing where to order out for lunch;5) The committee's work took two weeks.

"We've made some marvelous discoveries," continued Professor Milton. "For instance, we discovered that one day all of the cool people went out for a break and the geeks determined that steak, alcohol and cigarettes would be bad for people."

The upshot of the theory is that there was an intelligence behind the creation of life, just not a very intelligent intelligence.

More proof that we were created by a mediocre intelligence:

1) Bob Barker;2) Most television sit-coms;3) Cancer;4) Mosquitoes;5) Brussel sprouts;6) House flies;7) Hurricanes;8) Scorpions;9) Spam;10) Everything that tastes good is bad for you;11) Everything that tastes bad is good for you;12) Alzheimers;13) Tornados;14) Cockroaches;15) Utah;

"The list is endless," says Milton. "Think about the way things could have been and think about the way they are. Intelligent Design?"