The Five Best Local-News Segments on YouTube

Because even Glenn Beck couldn't make up reporting as ridiculous as a bear attack reenacted with cardboard cutouts. Well, maybe he could. But these videos are less frightening.A NEW PLACE TO WATCH VIDEOS:Your Free $2000 Flat-Screen TV!

I can't handle 24-hour cable news. An endless, annihilating stream of wildfires, M.J., and spoon-fed propaganda just gives me a headache that neither Valium nor Maria Bartiromo can cure. Anderson Cooper babbles about Jon and Kate, a ticker rolls by about war casualties, Barney Frank gives some town-hall attendee The People's Elbow — and I'm on the couch, rooting around the bottom of an empty bag of Combos, wondering what it all means.

I want to watch man-on-the-street interviews on my street. I want the backyard forecast coming from a backyard adjacent to mine. That's why I stick to the local guys, the journeymen out there pounding the pavement around my town.

Herein, then, to honor the often overlooked local celebrities that give us the good news and the bad every night at six and eleven, my favorite reporting from the 'hood.

News Reporter Swallows Bug Then Loses It

Local Newsman Rule Number One: Unless your name is Trisha Takanawa, never, ever speak on camera outside the local dialect. Let's just hope this particular newsman didn't have his contract up for renewal, lest he be stuck in this "country-ass fucked-up town" much longer.

WJW Fox 8 Cleveland Does a Ridiculous Story on a Bear

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This story might be even more ridiculous were Todd Meany to use the same treatment for a serial killer profile: The murderer looked a lot like this cardboard cutout of a circus clown that we put in the linen closet.

Insane News Man

Part of the anchorman job description is holding it together, even when you have to deliver bad news. Even when that bad news is about someone being murdered and set on fire. Even when that someone usually sits eighteen inches to your left.

Broom Stands Up All By Itself at a Consignment Shop!!

I don't want to turn this into a theological discussion, but the Holy Spirit is balancing brooms? Seriously, I can balance a broom. I can balance a broom on my chin.

Rod Wood Bee Sting

One thing immediately comes to mind when this gentleman gets stung by that bee: His name is Rod Wood and he's jockeying the local news? Are you kidding me? Who is managing this guy? Rod, call me. We'll get you out of this country-ass fucked-up town and make you a star.

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