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Feeling Alone

21.6.15

While I begin to type this post, I worry that it may come across as 'moany' or almost 'ungrateful' but that is not my intention. Being in the situation that I am currently in - not in education and focusing entirely on blogging - my life can sometimes be incredibly lonely.

I have brilliant friends in my life, don't get me wrong, and my family are so supportive... But when you don't get to spend everyday together like you used to or things prevent you from going out etc etc, it's hard to not feel like you're missing out. It's not that I don't get invited to places sometimes, I do, but there are somethings which I just feel like I can't do.. and I hate that.

I see photos and snapchat stories of people out with their friends drinking, laughing, having fun and I think 'Why am I not doing that?' or even when I think about college... I think about all the new friends I could have made or the fact that I would have just finished my first year of A levels and I just feel kind of ..pathetic.

A few months ago, I thought that I would have my life sorted by now, but I still feel like I'm floating in this abyss and I'm quickly falling behind everyone else. No matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to pull myself together fully.. If one thing is going fine, something else goes wrong.

I spend a lot of time alone and to be honest I don't mind, I like my own company. But I just miss being able to socialise and knowing who or what my friends or talking about. I often just question 'Why did it all happen?' 'Why did I drop out of college?' 'Why are you so alone?' and that's when everything begins to feel like one huge mistake. I feel so alone and out of the loop and I can't seem to get my head around what to do. I feel like if I had stayed at college then I'd see my friends everyday, I'd be getting an education and I'd feel better. However, I also know that if I had stayed, there is no way that my blog would be the way it is now and I know that I wouldn't cope. At college or work, people have others around them to interact with, I don't have that. I just miss seeing people in person or making conversation and knowing what's been happening. I do try and get out the house as much as I can, going for little walks or shopping/cinema trips, but it's so easy to let my feelings overwhelm me.

My blog is my little dream and stands for who I truly am and what I love.. I am person underneath however, not just an image in a photo, and I sometimes feel incredibly alone doing what I do now. It is lovely to read your comments and talk to you guys on social media, it makes me feel so appreciated and thank you for that, it does help with things. I am very proud of my blog and so happy that I bit the bullet and created it but it takes a lot of time and a lot of effort, so It's hard to not get lonely.

I don't really know what this post is.. I just kind of wanted to vent a little. If you've read this far, thank you and If you ever need someone to talk to, know that I'm here.

5 comments

I am so inspired by you. I think it's great that you decided to drop out of college to follow your dream, many people want to do that but not many dare to. I look up to you and I know exactly how you feel because I feel the same way. Take your time to figure out what you wanna do with your life and stop comparing yourself to others, even though it's hard, just try. You'll figure it out eventually. Meanwhile, continue doing what you love, your blog and instagram are amazing and you seem like such a lovely person. I wish the best for you :)

Awh Holly I'm so sorry to hear that you feel that way, Instead of uni I'm going to be doing a distance learning course (online college) in September while my boyfriend and friends go off to uni and I'm quite terrified of the fact that I'll be alone most of the time, but it was the best decision for me. I really hope these feelings go soon, and if you do ever need someone to chat to feel free to pop by xAisling | Aislings beauty bytes

Hey Holly. I blog too and I totally understand. None of my friends really 'get' what I do so it can be so isolation having no one to share your goals to or even just chat about a post i'm doing. As well as being lonely it can also knock my confidence as it means I lack a pat on the back or well done when something good happens to my blog. I hope you're coming to the bloggers awards, I saw your post and we add nominated together so hopefully we can meet! I'm trying to make lots of new blogger friends so then we can all chat to each other and give one another support. I will be your friend to go out drinking with on snapchat haha