Thursday, August 4, 2016

History: The Year is 1842

Roll Out the Barrels. Here Comes the Polka! -- I talks about Lawrence Welk and the Ukrainians.

Escape from Kabul -- It's a massacre, actually.

In Other News -- Ether, psychology, and hilarity.

Roll Out the Barrels. Here Comes the Polka!

Before disco was hot ([Click Here]), before the shame of Lambada, the forbidden dance ([Click Here]), before the Andrew Sisters made World War 2 fun ([Click Here]), there was the polka. ([Don't click here!])
Half-stepping into our hearts, the polka comes from Bohemia which is
the modern day Czech Republic. It has come to the United States with the
new wave of European immigrants, and it has really caught fire. The
word polka means "half-step" and probably refers to the lively way that
people dance to the music. The tunes are usually bright and happy and
tolerable. Polka music must be tolerable because it will remain a major
force in American music into the television era and even the Grammy
Awards will keep a place open for the polka until 2009 when they will finally drop it as an awards category. [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8][9]

My Take by Alex ShruggedI
grew up with the Lawrence Welk Show on TV. He had a lot of energy and
an incomprehensible accent which he probably received from his Ukrainian
parents. (Ukrainians. It's always the Ukrainians.) He managed to parlay
his love for the polka into a major television variety show. Every show
featured a polka. People loved it. In fact, the official dance of
Wisconsin is the Beer Barrel Polka. Most people know it as "Roll Out the Barrels". ([Click here.]) It is still played during the 7th inning stretch at Milwaukee Brewers games. If you watched the movie Groundhog Day you heard the Pennsylvania Polka being played over and over and over again. "Strike up the music the band has begun." ([Click here.])
Unfortunately, with the passing of years the polka has lost its punch
and like fruit cake, it has become a punchline to jokes. But I like
fruit cake. I admit it. And I like to hear the occasional polka, but I
won't dance to it. You can't make me dance.

Escape from Kabul

Did I say escape? I meant MASSACRE. A few years ago British forces
took Kabul without a fight, but for the sake of diplomacy, they
established their camp outside of Kabul rather than within the Kabul
fortress. Unhappy Afghans began a guerrilla war. To control the
guerrillas, the British pay off the various tribes in Kyber Pass and
around Kabul, but the bribes are eventually cut off and complaints are
ignored. Then the British commander is replaced by "the most incompetent
soldier who ever became general". The Afghans rise in open revolt.
Attempts to negotiate a bloodless retreat ends with the murder of the
British negotiators under a flag of truce. After dithering, the
commander of British forces agrees to terms for safe passage of British
families. (If you look up "fool" in the dictionary, you will find a
picture of Sir William Elphinstone there.) The wounded are left behind
because the Afghanis have PROMISED to take care of them. Before the
British are out of sight, the wounded are "taken care of". (See your
dictionary again.) 16,000 men, women and children are out in the open,
without escort and SLOWLY making their way toward India. A week later,
Assistant Surgeon William Brydon rides into Jalalabad on a wounded
horse. When asked where the army is, he replies "I am the army."
[10]

My Take by Alex ShruggedOver
the following weeks a few Indian support troops straggled in, but that
was it. Elphinstone had made mistakes a 3-year-old wouldn't make and
continued to make mistakes all along the way. If I came upon his grave
today I would be tempted to piss on his headstone if it had one. (His
grave is unmarked for a good reason.) A second British force was sent in
and it leveled Kabul. They rescued about 2,000 people held prisoner or
in slavery including 21 children and 12 women. Lady Florentia Sale, the
wife of General "Fighting Bob" Sale, was found alive. The lesson I draw
from this terrible tragedy is, if I am paying for a man's loyalty, I am
required to watch my back and not fall behind on the payments. That is
not ideal, but if a commercial deal is the best I can do, it behooves me
to hold up my end of the deal. [11]

In Other News

Ether is first used for surgical anesthesia.
What did they use before? Carbon dioxide. The Japanese had something,
but the formula was lost in a fire. So... bite down on a bullet and hang
on for dear life. [12][13][9]

William James is born. He will make the philosophy of Pragmatism popular and become America's first psychologist. [9]

Ambrose Bierce is born. He will be the author of "The Devil's Dictionary", the source of many clever quotes on the Internet. Acquaintance, n. "A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to."