Apr. 10, 2013
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'How to be a Friend to a Friend Who's Sick' by Letty Cottin Pogrebin

by Deirdre Donahue, USA TODAY

by Deirdre Donahue, USA TODAY

How to Be a Friend to a Friend Who's SickBy Letty Cottin PogrebinPublic Affairs, 283 pp.* * * ½ out of four

At age 70, journalist Letty Cottin Pogrebin was diagnosed with breast cancer. But her book isn't a memoir about illness. Rather, it offers sensible, specific advice about being a true friend to a pal facing hard times, be it disease, permanent disability, Alzheimer's, a child's suicide, or the death of a partner, parent or child. Or the chronic pain caused by an adult child's addiction. Or even sudden poverty, like Pogrebin's friends who were bankrupted by Bernie Madoff. The inspiration: Pogrebin noticed how some good-hearted friends drove her bonkers after her cancer diagnosis, while others provided solace. Drawing on interviews and research, she makes the point that in sickness, as in health, people are individuals. Some want to share every detail to a constant stream of visitors. Others mean it when they ask to be left alone for a while. Listening trumps talking, while concrete acts of kindness beat empty promises.

Until you open this charming paperback original, its title seems rather grating, with its hint of artfully arranged berets and obscure hobbies. Yet author, blogger and cartoonist Jessica Hagy has written the perfect gift for recent grads (and their worn-down parents). Employing a deft economy of words and lines, she reiterates an eternal truth about our self-absorbed culture that we miss as we trudge down the street staring at our phones. The secret to being interesting - to other people, not to mention yourself - requires getting outside. Of yourself. Of your comfort zone. Of social media. Of your favorite TV shows and games. Of conventional wisdom. "Your gadgets are tethering you to a world you know very well." To escape boredom, you must break free.

Readers with an interest in the mind-body connection will find this guide to better health compelling. Author Marc Schoen is a psychologist with expertise in hypnosis. His book navigates a path between a medical establishment ever ready to prescribe a new anti-anxiety medication and the sometimes woo-woo world of holistic healing. Because of technology, Schoen writes, the brain's survival instinct kicks in with smaller and smaller triggers. The result: People are in a constant state of discomfort and agitation. To the fight-or-flight portion of your mind, an angry e-mail from the boss is a saber-toothed tiger. Trying to alleviate this agitation leads to addiction, obesity, insomnia and host of other health issues. Although the solutions Schoen offers are simple, he does an excellent job in explaining the complicated science behind them.

According to Wharton organizational psychologist Adam Grant, the first rule of success isn't thrusting one's snout deepest into the trough of life's goodies while trampling everyone else into the dirt. Generous people - the givers - end up in two places. On the bottom, proving that nice guys finish last. Or on top: Witness guys such as Abraham Lincoln and The Simpsons writer George Meyer. Written in a cheerful, accessible tone, the book explores the takers, the givers and those in between, in a range of fields. Then there's the taker disguised as a giver: Hardworking humble boy from Missouri, Ken Lay of Enron infamy. Grant explores creativity, collaboration, networking, generosity and the importance of giving credit. (Though he does include women, Grant's book feels a bit like a boys' club by the end. For those work-family gender issues, you need Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg.)