Stories from the trenches, by a fictional hiring partner at a large law firm in a major city.

Monday, June 25, 2007

I received an e-mail asking me to comment on age discrimination in law firm hiring:

"A few weeks ago, there was a terrible article in the National Law Journal about how 'older' or second-career lawyers most often end up as solos, prompted by some NALP statistics about the paucity of grads 36 and older in BigLaw. The article went on to say ... that nontrads don’t want to work hard and that they don’t like taking orders from people younger than them, so they don’t seek jobs in BigLaw. ... Right. I quit a job I was excellent at, went into debt, spent three years in law school, because I don’t want to work hard. Huh?"

My comment? Your e-mail proves the point. You were reading the National Law Journal. And then you took the time to e-mail me. That's time you could have been billing clients. That's time you could have been working hard and making partners money. But you weren't. You were slacking off, just like everyone your age does, with their "children" and their "elderly parents" and their "doctor appointments." Young associates don't read the National Law Journal. They use it to wipe themselves after they go to the bathroom in their office trash cans because they don't want to take time out from billing clients to go to the bathroom. Young associates don't think about whining to someone like me because they're too busy knocking on my door and asking me how they can make my life easier and my clients happier and my contractor richer.

It's not my fault, or the fault of any of my colleagues, that you decided to go to law school. It's not our fault you got into debt. It's not our fault you want a job you can't get. Baseball players can't get jobs after age 40 either. It's the same thing here. Your skills may or may not deteriorate (I can argue both sides of that), but your stamina certainly does. Your energy does. Your drive does. If you're just starting out at age 40, you know you're never going to get to the top, so why even try. You're complacent. Not because you're choosing to be, but because you're too old and experienced in life not to be. Young people don't have perspective. They don't understand that the kinds of things we demand from them are pointless and not worth getting all worked up about. They don't get that we're not going to fire them. They don't get that most of the pressure they feel to stay here all night is pressure they're putting on themselves and that the consequences for living a normal life are all in their head. But older associates know it's all a bit of a game. Older associates know I don't really have the power to behead an associate in the guillotine I stole from the Studio 60 soundstage when we took the summer associates on a tour. But the kids don't. They think it's going to really happen. They think we're really going to kill them if they don't finish the document review by 6AM tomorrow morning. And that's why we like them.

Maybe you're willing to work hard. But you're probably not willing to be humiliated, and honestly it's a lot less fun to humiliate a 40-year-old, with 2 kids and 3 ex-wives and a mortgage and a limp than it is to humiliate a 25-year-old without any responsibilities except to the firm. You want to blame someone for this? Blame your law school for accepting you. No one forced you into this game. No one pretended you would be employable. And don't think law is the only industry where this is an issue. Ask a 40-year-old TV writer. If you can find one. Or a 40-year-old exotic dancer. Don't see too many of those either, at least not at the summer associate strip club events. Maybe we just pick our venue carefully, but I've got to believe there's some pretty big age discrimination going on there too.

And it makes sense for largely the same reasons. No wants to see a 40-year-old doing document review, or taking off their clothes. It's just the way the world works.

Great post! Funny and accurate. As a 39 year old about to start 1L in 6 weeks I feel it appropriate to comment:I'm strong enough to work hard but smart enough to know I shouldn't do it for someone else (e.g. Big Law).The forecast calls for solo or small partner practice with a chance of temporary government work when I'm fresh out of school (at 42!) if it was really really interesting.

will be grad at 38 in patent field. I am not even planning on working for big firm.

i wanna go solo even if i gotta eat ramen noodles. i kinda like being poor. i mean... it makes me judgment proof when the big firms sue me for 'trashing' the stellar names by pointing out that... well... they didnt pay me for work that was hell of a lot better than their young associates turned in ... and for less money...

As a 38-year-old who has done a variety of types of law practice from mid-sized suburban firm to multi-lingual document review (now) to solo work, I can state that a big part of what the big firms pay for is leverage. When they pay retail for their young associates, it's not a reward but a lever. A 38-year-old is "harder" to hire because he's more immune to BS, both outright lies and the implied skewed value system.

By the time an attorney has reached age 38, whether after 13 years of practice or none, that attorney will have buried someone, will have seen several family tragedies and joys. They will know people who screwed up their lives, whether from the height of financial success or rock bottom. Either way, they won't be "pushable." You cannot push someone who has iron-clad experience and whose values have been weathered.

Ironically, it's one's lack of established character that makes one desirable. Malleability is safe. It's what they buy.

July 5, 2007Reference: Petition for Government InterventionGovernor Eliot SpitzerState CapitolAlbany, NY 12224Dear Governor Eliot Spitzer,Subject: Acting Under The Color Of State LawI am petitioning you to intervene against the Manhattan Local Criminal Court and the Manhattan District Attorney’s office who are “acting under the color of state law” see, United States v. Classic, 313 U.S. 299, 326 (1941) to:

4. To keep me from suing La Lee Chan and Richard Missan for negligence, malpractice, and civil conspiracy or to seek other remedies that is available to me pursuant to statute or common law.

P. L. § 135.60 (1) and (4), says, “A person is guilty of coercion in the second degree when he compels or induces a person to engage in conduct which the latter has a legal right to abstain from engaging in, or to abstain from engaging in conduct in which he has a legal right to engage, by means of instilling in him a fear that, if the demand is not complied with, the actor or another will: cause physical injury to a person; or accuse some person of a crime or cause criminal charges to be instituted against him.” I am appealing to you for action because I fear for my life based on the behavior of the court and the NYPD regarding this matter.

Furthermore if the actions of the court, the DA’s office and those who set the chain of events in action does result in my untimely death or unlawful incarceration I have instructed my family members and other custodians (of the evidence I have on of all the parties involved) to sue the State of New York, New York City, JP Morgan Chase, Stacey L. Davidson, Lai Lee Chan and Richard S. Missan for my wrongful death and or incarceration since they are the actors that set these events in motion.

I have enclosed documentation of an evidentiary nature along with exhibits to support my claimsSincerely,Joel WoodardJIWCc: Judith S. Kay, Kimba Woods

Gee, I haven't had anyone reduce my life to a stereotype since my 20s! Almost makes me feel young, again.

Nice job! I'll only add that in my experience (as a former TV Writer) the junior associates at BigLaw just loved to interview me to see what someone with a life looked like. Never offered me a job, although one was nice enough to tell me I wouldn't want to take orders from someone his age.

I strongly believe that you are an idiot, but better than those that say that they missed your comments. I suggest that you read the Bible and ask God to forgive you (he will) for thinking that you are him, or that you are his gift to law. God is the only one who gives success, it is not your age or your knowledge or how abrasive your writting style can be. God gives and he takes away and you should begin by reading proverbs 8:13. Forgive me for my first statement, I pray that God will touch your heart so that you may use your gifts for his glory instead of yours.

all lawyers should die,,,a painful death, for deceiving people and for leading them into falsehood. a lawyer should be forced to endure their own spindoctoring and be made to eat their own shit that they force others to eat. fuck you fuck you and FUCK YOU!

fuck all lawyers, if you cant read me, FUCK ALL LAWYERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! all of you lawyers that read this should have a virus attack all of your families and those associated with you whore mongers. drop dead!!!!!

bruce godfrey, sell your bullshit to someone else. you my friend are a shit stained ball licker who is malleable enough to suck the asshole of the DA's and judges without even blinking a eye. fuck you and go fuck your mom, i did.

my question is why would a person WANT to become a lawyer? there are much more commendable jobs out there! i mean why would you put yourself out like that? even a janitor has more skills than you! he may make alot less than a lawyer, but he doesnt sell his soul just for a few dollars. really, tell me how many of you do the right thing everyday without thought or conscience? the janitor does what he does, cleans toilets on a daily basis while the lawyer just eats shit.

all you prople need to get a life. bad mouthing attorneys by name whom i'm sure you've never even spoken to simply causes you to lose your credibility. how about finding something better to do than talk poorly of these attorneys?

Acceptance into the bar is a Faustian deal. The majority of lawyers are ethically impaired zombies. I know of trash collectors, carpenters, salesmen and janitors for whom- upon their passing- have accomplished far more total good on the planet and have more people commemorate their life at their funeral than any lawyer. I honestly feel pity for lawyers.

Here's an email address for one of Mel S. Harris' scumbag associates: sschlanger@melharrislaw.com Spam the lousy piece of shit, and while you're at it, you all may be interested to know that the Bar Associations in NYS back up Mel S. Harris and his cronies. So here's there email address too: info@wcbany.org Spam those worthless fucks too!

Fuck every single lawyer on this planet. They should all die slow and horrible deaths!

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New to Law and now see and feel the reasons for the hate. Your so called 'laws' have nothing to do with truth, honesty or anything remotely noble. That's the scam the governments of this world like to put out there making us all think we're protected and hey they can't do this to me. Then you realise what the law's really all about - MONEY and POWER. If you have none of those then you have little to no hope against the scourge of the earth AKA lawyers. Lies, distortion, bluffing, getting what they want anyway they can for whoever pays them the most. Law is the most immoral, unethical and unprincipled profession there is. Lawyers don't work for good they work for greed, they truly are the apostles of the devil.

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