From Bad To Worse

A teleplay by Kevin Mitchell.

EPISODE ONE: SO IT GOES

1. EXT. MALCOLM'S HOUSE. NIGHT.

Malcolm's house is silhouetted
against the night sky. All is calm and still. A clock can be heard
ticking away gently. Suddenly the peace is disturbed by the sound of the
clock alarm and then shattered shortly afterwards by the sound of a
radio. A light appears in one of the upstairs windows. Gradually a light
goes on in every room of the house and a radio can be heard blaring away
in every one, each tuned to a different station!

CUT TO:

2. INT. MALCOLM'S BATHROOM. NIGHT.

Malcolm, dressed only in his
underpants and a T-shirt, both of which were once white, is shambling
about performing his ablutions. He knocks the precariously balanced
bathroom radio off of the window sill and into the sink. It gives a
drowning wail. Unperturbed he opens the bathroom cabinet and produces
another radio which he cheerfully proceeds to turn on and tune in.

CUT TO:

3. INT. THE DOBSONS' BEDROOM. NIGHT.

Randall and Melitta are lying in
bed. The multitudinous sound of radios can be heard in the distance.

Melitta: Isn't
it amazing how well sound carries at night?

Randall: That's the whole bloody
point. It's not even light yet. And all you can say is how miraculous it
all is.

Melitta: I
said it was amazing actually.

Randall:
Amazing, miraculous, it's all the bloody same.

Melitta: No
it's not I did learn about Marconi at school you know.

Randall:
Rubbish. You can't tell one type of pasta from another.

Melitta:
We'll be getting up soon anyway.

Randall: As
if we could lie here oblivious to that din.

Their conversation is interrupted by
the vastly amplified sound ofa cock crowing. Melitta jumps out of her
skin.

Melitta: I
know that you believe in traditional methods, but don't you think that is
a bit extreme?

Randall:
Nonsense. And surely this little innovation serves to proves how flexible
I am; that I am more than capable of integrating and exploiting modern
technology to our own benefit.

Melitta: But
isn't a whole 6K rather excessive?

Randall: I'm
going to have it out with him once and for all.

Randall gets out of bed, puts on his
dressing gown and sits on the edge of the bed.

CAMERA PULLS BACK TO
SHOW ENTIRE ROOM.

In the far corners of the room are
huge speaker stacks. Randall picks up the bedside phone and proceeds to
dial.

CLOSE SHOT OF SPEAKERS FOLLOWING
CABLES WHICH TRACE BACK INTO AN AMPLIFIERAND THEN OUT OF THE BEDROOM
WINDOW.

CUT TO:

4. EXT. THE DOBSONS' YARD. NIGHT.

A cockerel is standing of a fence
crowing into a microphone. The amplified

sound can be heard blaring away in
the bedroom.

CUT TO:

5. INT. MALCOLM'S KITCHEN. NIGHT.

In the filth and squalor that is his
kitchen, Malcolm is attempting to fry an egg. The fat in the pan is far
too hot. Black smoke belches from a nearby electric toaster and a kettle
boils away furiously, a radio blares away, with several more heard in
the background. He switches off the toaster and extracts a worse for
wear bit of toast and places it on a nearby plate. The phone rings.

Malcolm: Oh
blast.

He goes to answer
the phone. Stops and turns round.

Now you keep an eye on my
breakfast till I get back Sammy.

CLOSE SHOT OF SAMMY.

A down at heel cat sits patiently by
an empty food dish, staring at Malcolm, quite oblivious to chaos all
around.

CUT TO:

6. INT. MALCOLM'S HALLWAY. NIGHT.

Malcolm walks to the
phone and answers it.

Malcolm:
Hello. I'm sorry, but you'll have to speak a bit louder. No, no, I can't
make out what you're trying to say.

SPLIT SCREEN REVEALS A DISGRUNTLED
RANDALL ON THE OTHER END OF THE LINE.

Randall:(Raising
his voice.) Of course you bloody well can't. I'd be surprised if you
could even hear yourself think, should you ever do so, which I doubt very
much indeed. I'm sick and tired of this daily rigmarole.

7 INT. MALCOLM'S KITCHEN. NIGHT.

The frying pan has
burst into flames. Malcolm douses the Blaze.

Malcolm: Oh
Sammy, can't I ever trust you? You make a poor watch dog you know.

Malcolm picks up a fish slice and
rescues the cremated egg from his pan. He places it on top of the toast
on the plate and throws the pan into the sink, which is already filled
to the brim with similarly blackened pans. He contemplates his breakfast
and ponders.

I think we'll skip breakfast again today
Sammy.

He has an idea.

I don't know though.

He opens a cupboard door and
produces a jar of ketchup with which he smothers the burnt offerings.
The plate is transformed into a supremely fried egg on a platter of
golden toast.

There you go.

CUT TO:

8. INT. THE DOBSONS' BEDROOM. NIGHT.

Randall:(Still
on the phone.) Hello. Hello.

Melitta: Perhaps he's rung off
dear.

Randall: No
I can still his wretched racket.

He moves the receiver to and from
his ear, whilst also listening to the faint din through the window.

My God, it's in stereo now!

He hangs up.

Melitta: What
would you like for breakfast dear?

Randall: Oh I
don't care. Even a bit of snap, crackle and pop would sound like a
soothing symphony after that racket.

CUT TO:

9. EXT. THE DOBSONS' DRIVEWAY. DAY.

Melitta is sitting in the passenger
seat of their suitably respectable, nondescript car. Randall emerges,
flustered, from the house. He gets into the car and proceeds to drive
rather too fast out of their drive and into a narrow country lane.

CUT TO:

10. INT. THE DOBSONS' CAR. DAY.

Melitta:
Honestly all that fuss about being up early and you're still late.

Randall: I
was looking for my

Melitta: I
had already brought it out to the car so that you would not forget it.

Randall: That
was the conclusion at which I eventually arrived.

Melitta: For
the sake of the company I can only hope your mind moves a sight faster
when engaged in these important business deals. Though from the recounts
which never cease to fill my weekends with boredom I somehow doubt it.

Randall: I am
certainly not going senile if that's what your insinuating. I feel that my
best years are still ahead of me.

Melitta: All
I can say is that the exceptionally slow realisation of your potential
could be seen as the only rival to the crescendo of snail foreplay in its
long-windedness. We could well be living in what in years to come will be
known as the Randall Dobson epoch.

Randall: I
just cannot concentrate when I've been thrown all out of kilter. I'm going
to miss my train if I don't hurry.

He accelerates hard.

Melitta: I
don't care. Just drive with a little more caution.

Randall: I
must be to be on time today. The new boss is putting in an appearance some
when. And you can bet your last yen that it will be first thing if I'm not
there.

CUT TO:

11. INT. MALCOLM'S CAR. DAY.

Malcolm is driving his
car. Only his head is visible.

Malcolm: Here
we go. Spot on time and there's nothing like a nice leisurely drive
through the countryside to start the day. What say you Sammy?

CLOSE SHOT OF SAMMY SITTING ON CAR
SEAT. BACK TO MALCOLM, THEN CAMERAPULLS BACK TO REVEAL THAT HE IS
DRIVING A BUBBLE-CAR.

CUT TO:

12. EXT. COUNTRY LANE. DAY.

Malcolm approaches a tractor coming
slowly in the opposite direction. The sound of an irate car horn can be
heard from behind the tractor.

CUT TO:

13. EXT. BEHIND TRACTOR. DAY.

The Dobsons are stuck behind the
tractor. Randall toots the car horn furiously and gestures to the tractor
driver.

Randall: Get out of the bloody way.
Some of haven't got all day. We're not all subsidised you know.

Melitta: I don't know why we live so
far out in the country. You hate all its foibles.

Randall: I
like a little peace and quiet that's why.

Melitta: Then why do you spend all
your time disrupting it? It's just people you can't abide and they crop up
everywhere.

Randall: The Christmas you present
me with a neutron bomb we'll move straight back to city central. Until
then I'll content myself with dwelling where the population is akin to a
Tom Cruise sperm count. Oh I can't wait any longer.

He screeches off to overtake the
tractor. The driver of which vainly tries to wave him down.

CUT TO:

14. EXT. IN FRONT OF TRACTOR. DAY.

Malcolm is confronted by the
maniacally driven Dobson vehicle and is forced to take evasive action
which results in his swerving into the ditch.

CUT TO:

15. EXT. COUNTRY LANE. DAY.

The tactor driver is
seen shrugging despairingly.

CUT TO:

16. INT. THE DOBSONS' CAR. DAY.

Randall:
Bloody road-hogs.

CUT TO:

17. EXT. RAILWAY STATION FORECOURT. DAY.

The Dobsons pull up outside the
station. Several potential passengers have to dive for cover to prevent
their being run down. Leaving the car parked haphazardly, Randall gives
Melitta a peck on the cheek, retrieves a briefcase from the back seat
and bounds into the station.

CUT TO:

18. INT. STATION ENTERANCE. DAY.

Randall frantically waves his season
ticket under the noses of bewildered station staff and hurries towards
the platform as his train pulls in.

CUT TO:

19. INT. THE DOBSONS' CAR. DAY.

CLOSE SHOT OF
MELITTA SHAKING HER HEAD.

There is the sound
of another car horn.

CAMERA PULLS BACK TO
REVEAL THAT ANOTHER CAR HAS PULLED UP BEHIND.

CUT TO:

20. EXT. COUNTRY LANE TELEPHONE BOX. DAY.

Malcolm is briefly
seen inside the phone box, making a call.

CUT TO:

21. INT. TRAIN CARRIAGE. DAY.

Randall is grumpily standing
squeezed like a sardine between two men, both of whom are reading papers
and dig him in the ribs every time they turn a page. He then sniffs the
air and focuses his wrathful glare in a particular direction.

Randall: Do you mind? This is a no
smoking carriage and I would greatly appreciate it if the little air I can
force into my lungs in this present contortion were free from the spread
of your cancer inducing toxins.

CUT TO:

22. EXT. COUNTRY LANE. DAY.

Melitta drives past a tow truck. The
driver flags her down. Melitta winds down her window.

Tow-truck driver: Excuse me love, do
you happen to know the location of a Harper's Lane hereabouts.

Melitta sighs.

CUT TO:

23. INT. RANDALL'S OFFICE. DAY.

Randall: (Pacing about the
room.) I knew it, I bloody knew it. Get here in good time they said.
New boss dropping in today they said. I knew he wouldn't be early. At
least he's not Japa-blooody-nese. Haven't you done it yet?

Another man, obvoiusly junior in
status to Randall, gets up from behind the desk. Randall goes to his
briefcase and produces a telescopic putter, which he extends and some
golf balls which he proceeds to aim at a paper cup which the other man
has been carefully wedging on the floor between two piles of books.

Miles: Do you
really think this is appropriate at this time?

Randall: I've got to relax somehow
Miles. I've had a very stressful week so far. Once this visit is over I
hope things can get back to normal.

Miles: But
it's only Monday, Sir.

There is a knock at the door, which
then opens, banging into Randall, who pulls his shot, putting the ball
through the office window.

Randall:
Hell's bells and Grimalkin!

Davis: (Poking his head round
door.) Look sharp the big cheese is on the prowl.

Randall:
About time too. As if we haven't got more important things to do.

Randall goes to the
window to survey the damage.

CUT TO:

24. EXT. COMPANY PARKING LOT. DAY.

Amongst the cars is
Malcolm's bubble-car.

CUT TO:

25. INT. RANDALL'S OFFICE. DAY.

CLOSE SHOT OF
RANDALL LOOKING PUZZLED.

He rubs the
remaining glass in the window and peers through again.

CUT TO:

26. EXT. COMPANY'S PARKING LOT. DAY.

CLOSE SHOT OF
MALCOLM'S CAR.

CUT TO:

27. INT. RANDALL'S OFFICE. DAY.

Randall pulls away
from the window, cutting his hand as he does so.

Randall:
Bloody hell.

Miles:
They're here.

Randall goes to the
office door.

CUT TO:

28. INT. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE RANDALL'S
OFFICE. DAY.

An attractive female executive type
stands in the door way of Randall's office. Randall goes to greet her.
He offers his hand.

Randall: It
is a great pleasure to meet you Madam Chairman.

Woman: I'm
only the Chairman's personal assistant.

Randall notices that his hand is
bleeding and hastily withdraws it. Malcolm can be heard off.

Malcolm: Yes, I would have been here
earlier only I had a bit of a motering mishap this morning.

Woman: Here
he is.

Randall is suddenly confronted by
Malcolm and his worst fears are realised.

Malcolm:(Offering his hand.)
Hello I'm Mr. Malcolm, your new Chairman. So pleased to meet you. I've
heard so much about your efforts.

Randall offers his
good hand, but realises that it is the wrong one.

Randall: (Incredulous).
Pleased to meet you Sir.

Malcolm exaggerates his hand
gesture. Randall is compelled to shake hands with Malcolm using his
bloodied hand.

CUT TO:

29. INT. RANDALL'S OFFICE. DAY.

Randall shrinks back into his
office, wiping the blood from his hand with his handkerchief. He sighs.

Miles: What's
up?

Randall: What's up? What's bloody
up? Twenty years of service for this company, incorporating the best years
of my life, my prime time, has been swept away in one cruel twist of fate.
My career is in tatters. This time tomorrow I will be clearing my desk and
will be reduced to spending the remainder of my days sweeping the streets
for a stale crust.

Miles: Don't
be ridiculous. You're far too old to get a job doing that.

Randall:
That's it then, I'm ruined.

He wipes his brow with his
handkerchief, then recoils in disgust as he realises how bloodied it now
is.

CUT TO:

30. INT. FOYER OF OFFICE BUILDING. DAY.

Randall exits the building. He waves
a parting gesture to the commissionaire. Revealing his blood stained
handkerchief wrapped around his hand.

CUT TO:

31. EXT. COMPANY PARKING LOT. DAY.

Randall spots Malcolm's car is still
in the parking lot and tries to leave the premises in as low key a
manner as possible.

Malcolm:(Calling
off.) Hello Randall!

Randall tries to
ignore Malcolm.

Hello there.

Randall but decides that this course
of action will draw even more attention to himself. He goes over to
Malcolm.

I hope you weren't trying to
avoid me.

Randall: Good
Heavens no. Perish the thought.

They continue
walking towards Malcolm's car.

Malcolm: You see, I know that I was
a bit cool earlier on and all that, but I had no idea that you worked
here.

Randall:
(Sarcastically). Yes It must have come as quite a shock to you.

Malcolm: I could hardly acknowledge
the fact that I knew you. It might have compromised your position. You
know teacher's pet so to speak. I had to respect the high esteem with
which your colleagues hold you. The whole fabric of the company could have
been rent asunder.

Randall: Yes, yes I understand Sir.
But if will excuse me, I must go. I work late enough as it is. My wife
will be expecting me.

Malcolm: Please there's no need to
call me Sir, everyone else has gone home. And you can't rely on public
transport these days. Why don't I give you a lift, what with us being
neighbours and everything.

Randall: No,
no it's alright.

Malcolm: I insist. It can be the
beginning of a better understanding for us both. I've had a lot to come to
terms with recently, what with Mother passing away and all.

They arrive at Malcolm's car.
Malcolm opens the canopy for Randall to get in. As Randall struggles in,
Malcolm notices a hole in one of his car windows.