Jealousy Support Group

Jealousy typically refers to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival. This rival may or may not know that he or she is perceived as a threat. If you or a loved one may have an issue with jealousy, this community is a good place to start exploring the issue and get support. We're here for...

f****n a blond?

Okay I am about to lose my freakin mind. See I just had a little girl 12 days ago. For the last 2 1/2 months of my pregnancy Brandon had been stayin out all hours of the night and not answering my calls and wouldnt get home til late. Then about a month and a half ago we went to the conven. store and he went in and I was sittin there and realized there was long bleach blonde hair on the passenger seat(my seat). I freaked out and asked him who he was f***** and he said that he wasnt f***** anyone that he took some dude and his gf to AA with him.
Well I was so sure he was cheating on me because he had never stayed out like that before and not answered my calls. That with some chicks hair all in our car...yea u get tha point. I was very upset. I tried to pretend like I just dreamed it all up and tried to forget it(which is extremely hard for me). In the back of my mind I was hoping that it would stop after I wasnt huge and fat anymore.
Then a few days before I had her he stopped takin off and stayed home with me. After I had her it still lasted a few days but then the other night I went to bed and woke up and he had took off as soon as I fell out and left a note on the door saying he was goin out for a while. I was so upest. I called him over and over again and he was just ignoring my calls. I didnt hear back from him until 3 in the morning.
He just got pissed at me for being mad at him because he doesnt think I have to know where he goes and when he can go. I am just honestly heartbroken. THen the next day I was cleaning the cars and started vacuuming his truck and noticed there was like handfulls of long bleach blonde hair all over his truck. I just broke down and kept cleaning. Until I just couldnt stand it anymore and could barely breathe.
Then I told him that we had to fn tlk. I was madder than hell then. So I confronted him about it and he denied it and told me like 4 completely dif. stories. then turned it around on me and asked me who I had been cheating on HIM with. He said I was just feelin guilty and tryin to blame him for something that I did!!! He made sure to say it was around the time I got pregnant 2.
This is absolutly killing me. He left last night but got home around 11 which is actually really good for lately. We really had a good night together. Then today I made sure to fix my hair and do my makeup and everything to look good for him and he tells me hes going to a "meeting" tonight in Reidsville. Since he started going to the meetings in "reidsville" is when this started. I think thats where he met her.
I told him that the reason I was upset was because I didnt want to sit here all night waiting on him and takin care of our kids while he is out with another woman. Then he was like oh so I'm not supposed to go to AA meetings anymore. Like I told him there is a dif. from when he is with her and when he just goes to a meeting. I mean he has went to meetings almost every night since we got together! He never had to leave at 6:30 to get to an 8 :00 meeting. Then the latest he would get in was 10:00 and he would ALWAYS call me and tell me if it was gonna be a little later.
Then as soon as I got it outta my mouth some girl called his phone and asked him to come pick up her and her friend. I just started scwalling and he asked what the hell my prob was and I told him it was becuase I didnt want him cheating on fn cheating on me. Of course he just got mad at me and told me I had a fn real prob. if I couldnt handle him being around another female. Wtf. I can halfway handle that but not THIS. Then he said he was leavin and I was like oh so u are seriously fixin to leave this house to go pick up ur gf! I scwalled and yelled and told him what I thought about how wrong that was and all he could really tell me was that he wasnt cheating on me and that I was just f****n crazy. I told him I wasnt fn crazy that he was f****n some blond and that it was fd up!
I dont know what to do and now I am really starting to wonder if I am just crazy. What if he is telling the truth. Then on the other hand I'm thinking am I really that dumb to believe that shit? i am about to lose my mind and this is hurting me so bad and I dont know what to do!

that's some messed up stuff. i really don't know what to say...to me, there's about a five percent chance that he could be telling the truth. MAYBE he's just giving a ride to this LITTLE girl and her friend to go to the AA meeting?

but my GUT feeling tells me otherwise. if it was all innocent, then why didn't he tell you in the first place?

i don't like when guys feel they can do what they want, when they want, and feel they need not give an explanation...while us women on the other hand need to say, when, where, why, with who, etc. that's just plain unfair.

i think you're very brave for standing up for yourself and i give you props! you really need to sit down and think about your future and your children's futures.

sit down and really think about the evidence of what you're saying. i can't say whether he really is or isn't...i don't know the whole situation, i don't know the whole story. but from what you told...i would really encourage you to THINK about what's going on...

I think lovinme has a good point. Test him....when he is about to go to his meeting..like RIGHT before he leaves, ask him if you can go with him. See what his response is and most importantly HOW he responds. You don't really have to go with him...just see how defensive he gets about you goin in the first place. I bet that alone will give you a better intuition on what he's really doing/hiding.

I sort of agree with lovinme and youngrose. It will be really hard for him to come up with a &quot;good&quot; excuse as to why you can't go right on the spot like that...however, be prepared for him NOT to give an excuse or reason at all and for him to say &quot;you only want to go because you don't trust me.&quot;

With all of the evidence that you have, I wouldn't trust him anyway.

My boyfriend tells me that kind of stuff all the time...&quot;I don't have to tell you every detail of my life&quot;.... It gets to me a lot...but maybe if I just stop telling him every detail about my life, he will understand why I always ask about his. Maybe if I go do some stuff, and say absolutely nothing about it until it comes up in a different conversation where it sort of takes him by surprise, then maybe he'll question me too.

Shai, the fact that he didn't tell her could go either way, actually. Sometimes, if guys think something is completely innocent, they don't think about telling the girl...because it's of no importance to them. However, at the same time, if something WAS wrong with it...they could hide it from us.....on purpose. However, I do agree with you that MY gut feeling also tells me different.

My first reaction when i read the part about when you were asking him who he was cheating with how he turned it around as if YOU were cheating on him was to think that he was trying to get the heat off of himself. Then, on second thought, I realized that my boyfriend has asked me the same thing...and that was when I really was just being crazy and there was no way he was cheating on me. When someone accuses you of something continuously, it makes sense to think that they are up to something themselves, because that will make them paranoid....however....YOU have all of this evidence.

Like Shai said, I don't know if he is cheating on you or not, as I don't know the whole story....You can always say what you think of as the whole story, but sometimes it takes an outsider to see what is REALLY going on.

I really, really hope that you can work this out, no matter which way it goes. I don't know you at all, but no one deserves to be treated the way they don't want to be treated...and that's how this man is treating you.

owfsasha is right, you could do that but I would highly recommend bringing a friend if you do that...and also remember what you COULD discover.

If you discover that it's really nothing, i would not bring up the fact that you followed him. It could be nothing, but you saw something you didn't really like anyway...it would be hard for you to not just spit it out at him in an argument....but if you told him it would only make the argument worse.

It's really up to you as to what you do...and I think it needs a considerable amount of consideration, no matter what it is that you choose to do.

I don't think following him is a bad idea either..
I figure, you have a life with this man, you have children with him. You deserve the right to know what the hell is goin on. Now I don't agree with snooping around at all your SO's stuff with no reason to but if your intuition is telling you that he may be cheating, and he is giving you good reason to believe that...then find out!By whatever means possible. You have the right to know after all the things you've invested in this relationship.

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