requesting help with abilities

Hi, I'm a newbie, but I'd like any suggestions.
My abilities(?) are really messing up my life. I have the ability (inherited from my father), to affect the atmosphere of a place, positively or
negatively. I know this because I've consciously (even when I wasn't parti-
cularly angry about anything) impacted an entire restaurant full of people... I swear you could feel the psychic temperature fall about 20
degrees

I've done it on more than one occasion.
At any rate, where I'm working now... I am morally opposed to the work (cooking and serving meat- I'm vegan) and I really hate serving people.
Unfortunately, circumstances do not permit me to find another.
This negativity has been accumulating for over 2 yrs. and it's started showing up in ALL areas of my life. I know I need to think positively, etc.
and try to throw the balance the other way, but I just can't do it. I was not raised to be around people (seperatist religion, dysfunctional family),
and I find it very hard to care about what others want or need. In fact, for the most part, I just don't like people at all. Maybe this relates to a
suppressed empathic ability that I believe I've had, that nescessarally had to be squelched. I don't know.
Sorry for the long post, but this is really tearing me up inside.

Let me get this straight, you can send your negative energies or vibes out into a crowd of people and they *all* can feel it? How do you know that
it's only you or your immediate family/friends that aren't just feeling it?
What I mean is how can you tell that everyone in the room feels it? How do you know it's not someone elses energy you are actually feeling? You
should certainly look at all aspects of it first before putting complete blame on yourself. You actually seem as though you are quite empathetic..but
maybe you don't want to be as it's too strong for you. Some people are VERY empathetic and it can and will over run you or run you down..

for instance..you being highly empathetic, walk into a room of 100 people and 51 of those people are feeling very negative, you are going to pick up
on it and possibly think that it's actually *you* that's sending it. That would be quite overwhelming to feel 51 negative emotions or vibes from
people! So yes it would make you feel very miserable.

It also seems that some people who are empathetic are quite the loners, they don't really talk to many people, aren't very outgoing and may infact
feel as though they have no connection here with people, because their world is built around their minds, and connections to others minds-not the
physical. It can feel as though you don't really like people, as you are SO different, that you seem more like an outsider looking in, or an insider
looking out really..

Empathy can be quite hard to understand and deal with and it can make you feel like bursting sometimes, the trick is to not let it overcome you, you
have to overcome it..understanding it is the first step, and I mean understanding it from every aspact. There is a thread here that discusses this and
I think it could possibly help you if you read it. I don't think you are what you think you are, meaning I think you might just have it
backwards..but then, I certainly don't mind being wrong and you telling me..

Let me know what you think and I'll give you more of what I *do* know if you want..
Magestica

ALL people have the ability to change the vibe of others. Some are aware of that fact and others aren't. Some can change the vibrations(energy) to
a high degree and some less.

I can relate to your situation. I'm bound by necessity as well because my knowledge was acquired AFTER I got myself into my current situation. Now
I'm forced to support many things that I can barely stand at times. I also have a hard time dealing with people.

After years of brainwashing by the system and being raised by a family who offered no real knowledge of self; it's hard to adjust when you finally
learn truths about existence.

I feel that the negative vibes that I generate affect people around me as well and I'm trying to change that. But I could possibly be under psychic
attack.

Anyway. Zazen meditation and koans should help balance your whole being. If you can afford it get a kapok zafu and a zabuton then learn the posture
and breathing. Incorporate the Om or Aum mantra with your sitting.

Try Hermeticism also known as mental alchemy or transmutation. It's sort of like Taoism. Here's a real important writing for beginners:

Cleans yourself and begin working on yourself to keep stay better control of your emotions. I'm an impath (so they say) - and for me, although I am
very sensative to the emotions and feelings and needs of others, my own emotions and feelings are very easy for me to control and keep in check
(actualy I believe they are dulled quite a bit, including physical pain). It shouldn't be to difficult for you to learn.
Start with something easy like slowing or speeding your heart rate, go to a local walgreens where they have a blood pressure machine - work on
lowering that, do deep relaxation (semi-hypnotic) states of being...learn to control yourself and your body.

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