DH's OCD and a job offer.. just don't know what to do

My DH has a contamination OCD and used to have to keep everything related to his job away from his home life, he suffered panic attacks because of the OCD and had a compulsion to shower for 7 or 8 hours everyday after he finished work meaning he never saw our daughter or me in the week. The situation was a complete nightmare, so much so that it was actually a relief when he was made redundant 2 years ago.

DH still has the OCD but it has changed, since he left work he only feels the need to wash his hands and arms now though this also causes problems as he has to do it everytime he touches something probably 30-40 times a day and each wash takes about 15 minutes. DH has not worked since he was made redundant and we skrimp by on my salary and working tax/child tax credits.

We are about to loose our house as we cant afford to pay the mortgage, however we are currently going through the mortgage rescue scheme so hopefully we will be able to stay in the house as rented tenants instead of mortgaged homeowers.

Yesterday his old boss from a previous job rang and asked if he would like to go back to work for them. My DH doesn't know how this would effect his OCD (ie he might end up spending his life in the shower again).

I think our mortgage is too far behind now for us to back out of the rescue scheme as DH's salary would only be £19,000 and we are nearly £5,000 in arrears. If we carried on with the rescue scheme and DH was working I don't think we would qualify for housing benefit anf would have to arrange for after school childcare for our DD so we would probably not be any better off financially.

However, DH needs some kind of job to help his self esteeme as he is getting very depressed at home with nothing to do. He will accept the job offer if I want him to but he cant promise me his OCD wont get worse. The job is 40 hours per week and quite stressful, stress generally makes his OCD worse. We have to let his old boss know today and I just don't know what to do. This feels like our last chance at a life away from benefits but it could just make things a whole loss worse, I don't know what to do.

I think that the priority is for him to access treatment for his OCD. if he is unwilling to do this then you need to consider the long term impact on you and your dd. Your post made me feel sad, the huge effects his condition is having on every aspect of your life.

ok, so he is having treatment. would you and he be able to speak with his therapist together to clarify the likely outcome of the treatment? And how the therapist feels he is progressing and if anything else needs to be done? or perhaps if it is not helping, a second opinion is needed.

Is he getting treatment? He really needs to at least try to address it - I have 2 close family members with OCD. I understand how debilitating it can be and the effects it has on the whole family so I am sending you a lot of hugs and sympathy.

You can really only assume though that returning to work will lead to his showering compulsion again.

when he previously had therapy do you know what kind of support/advice he was given? Could he reflect back (perhaps with you) on any techniques he learnt?do you have more than one bathroom? From a practical point I am wondering how he reacts for example if dd or you need the loo/bath and has a compulsion to wash.

Are anti-depressants an option? I know one of my family members was offered them and refused as she wanted to try therapy first - fortunately it worked for her. But they may help to tide him over until he can access more CBT perhaps ?

Could he get help through Occupational Health if he had a job ? 2 years is a long time , has his OCD prevented him applying for jobs in the meantime ? Has he claimed JSA/ESA ? Mortgage company would rather you made some contribution to arrears than none , they won't expect it back at once and can you sell to clear the rest? Do you work ? You seem to be putting up obstacles re. your dd at a time when he needs a push, what about him negotiating pt or flexible hours ? wouldn't you get tax credits towards the cost anyway ?

Liz - you might be right re obstacles, I am just scared of the job making him worse, it was such a relief when he was made redundant and the OCD symptoms lifted. If he went back to how he was it would finish us and I want to help him get better and get our lives back to normal.