Why We Should Stop Expecting Apple to Reinvent the World...For Now

Today Apple announced new iPhones, Hermes watch bands, the giant iPad Pro, and a new Apple TV—none of which blew our minds. And that's okay!

At first glance, today’s Apple announcement might seem like it was broadcast from the Bizarro Universe. Steve Ballmer, ex-CEO of Microsoft, sweating around onstage? A new, ginormous iPad—with a stylus? An Apple TV that plays video games?

This is what happens when Apple stops being able to bend the future to its hydro-formed-aluminum will. For the past decade, the boys from straight outta Cupertino could strut onstage, introduce a gadget no one had ever seen before, drop the mic awkward hand-held remote, and watch as an orgasm of delight rippled through the world. These days, though, Tim Cook and Co. are no longer in possession of a crystal ball.

That's okay, though! The laptop on your nightstand, sitting beneath the tablet on your nightstand, below the smartphone charging on your nightstand have been radically rebooted by Apple once already. Everything else that was showcased today—phase 2 of the Apple Watch, an upgraded Apple TV (now with added Siri), the Plus-Sized iPad, slight tweaks to the iPhone—are the result of a company that's throwing exquisitely designed ideas at the wall to see if anything sticks. This is not something you can pin on the passing of Jobs' not-so-benevolent dictatorship—this is the ebb and flow of advancement. Breakthroughs beget lulls. In Apple's case, lulls maybe beget autonomous cars, or who knows what else. But no doubt there is some smart technology sitting in its secret labs, five years away from being debuted by a man with contrast cuffs.

What we saw today is a company playing around. Maybe half of the products and features that debuted will actually prove useful in the long run. Here are the top four that tickle our inner geek.

The Apple Watch Gets Frenchier
Hermes already makes a few beautiful timepieces, which is why we're psyched that the luxe label is giving Apple Watches an extra dash of class with three special edition bands (which includes Hermes’ bracelet-like double tour), along with a sleek black watch face. It won't do anything to stave off your Watch's inevitable obsolescence, but you'll feel cooler until that day comes.

The iPhone Gets Touchier
Welcome 3D Touch. Apple called it Force Touch on the Apple Watch, but the concept—that the touchscreen can sense how firmly you press—is coming to the new iPhone 6S and 6S Plus. A tap on the lock screen might activate your camera, while a hard press could bring up email. The end game here is less awkward swiping, more effortless efficiency.

The Apple TV Gets Easier
We can't say we're blown away by Siri's integration into Apple TV—nothing makes a Friday night Netflix binge sadder than realizing the only person you've spoken to is a synthetic personality trapped in a puck-sized box. But the Apple TV's redesigned remote includes a touchpad, meaning all those now-reflexive swiping and tapping motions will allow you to find your small-screen drug of choice with far fewer bloop-laden button presses.

Photos Get GIF-ier
Ever taken a photo and said “Gah, I wish this could loop around jerkily?” Wish no longer! Every pic you take with the new iPhone 6S or iPhone 6S Plus (and their upgraded 12-megapixel camera sensors) is automatically a Live Photo, which means the camera captures a second and a half of video from just before and just after. No more jumping through janky GIF apps. Related: the new iPhones also shoot video in ultra-high-def 4K, meaning storage is going to fill up fast. Save yourself from a photo album Sophie's Choice and opt for the 64GB or 128GB models.

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