Retired Bush Has Trouble Getting Advice From Former Aides

THE ONLY PERSON PERSON WHO NOW GIVES BUSH ADVICE AND HE ONLY SAYS TO SHOVE IT.

George W. Bush, now bereft of advisors, is finding it hard to get things done in his retirement. Being used to having everyone spoon feed him information has left the former Chief of State without a clue as to what to do with all his time. He tried calling up Condeleeza Rice to ask how to work the controls on the remote of his new plasma TV.

"How did you get this number?" she asked sharply. When aware of why he was calling, she said "Just read the instructions that came with it!" and hung up.

Calling on Donald Rumsfield for information on how to turn off the alarm on his new sports car he got a strange reply. After the initial hello the former advisor rambled on singing "...you put the lime in the coconut, shake it all up....you put the lime in the coconut, shake it all up" and continued on until Bush hung up.

Colin Powell answered his request on how to hook up the new digital box to his TV with a snide "Listen King Cracker, I ain't your boy no more. Remember! We got our own man in your job now. And he might be able to get some things done instead of just screwing things up worse than they were to begin with! "

Gonzalez was unavailable when Georgie called to ask about how to spell 'incompetent' but was unavailable because it had been found out that he was actually an illegal alien and was in prison awaiting deportation papers.

The most humiliating moment of all was when he called on Cheney to ask if he remembered the name to the Three Stooges movie he had recommended years before and was greeted by sinister laughter and a cackling voice that answered snidely "Yes Sir! Be happy to do that Sir! I hate to tell you this, Caligula, but I ain't yo' step and fetch it no more. I's bin liberated. I's free! Thank Gawd I is free! Ha,ha,ha!"

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