An Honest Review Of The Most Popular Online Dating Apps In India

According to a report published by the Internet And Mobile Association of India (IAMAI), India supposedly has no less than 371 million mobile internet users as of June 2016. Given that we spend almost every waking hour on the internet, it shouldn’t come as a surprise if we ended up doing most of our romantic link-ups online as well—what with the choices, the ability to sound charming and sexy while sitting on a dull couch, wearing your most unflattering t-shirt and sweat pants, gorging on an extra-cheese sandwich with the molten cheese dripping down your chin and onto that Batman T-shirt you’ve been wearing for three consecutive days now. If someone were to mistakenly snag our phones, they’d see more unknown messages than the FBI received ISIS threats in a year (no offence, guys).

Given that the world, and especially our country, is full of creeps ready to flaunt their Haryanvi attitude with aplomb that even Sylvester Stallone lacked—don’t ask me why—how do you choose, segregate and judge when you’re in a pool of wannabes and despos? I simplified the process. Yes, I went out there and tried every single one of these dating apps all by myself—battled the sickos, the creeps and came out untouched (well, not really, but you get the point)! I found some, I kept some, I lost some and I got some! *wink*

So, which of the following apps really worked, when it came to “finding that soulmate” [sic], and which ones made my eyes hurt? Let’s find out!

1. OKCupid

This is literally the grandfather of all dating apps. OkCupid probably owned the block and then, sublet them out to other dating apps on rent. It’s pretty rudimentary when compared with the more recent, technologically trendy and user-friendly apps. But, what I particularly like is it asks you a bunch of questions that actually make sense—Are you a Morning person? Does Smoking disgust you? And so on. It then asks you to pick from a bunch of people based on looks and age, to gauge your type. OKC also filters a percentage attraction between two people; for instance, you are 50% compatible, based on your profile information and preferences. Not as mobile-friendly as a Tinder or a Hinge; but that doesn’t really matter if it’s solving the purpose.

What Happened?

I filled out a complete profile and then, it rained likes, messages and chats. Soon, there was a flood and it spiraled out of control. It was like being hit in the face with a gazillion balls (pun so friggin’ intended) and you just kept flapping your hands vaguely to breathe or avoid being hit or just whatever. I managed to catch a few, throw some back. But, at some point, I decided to give up and just go to sleep.

Success Rate

If you’re a guy with standards… you are a robot. If you’re a decent guy who has sold out on his moral values, you will find cheap replacements and a good romp that’s worth forgetting the next morning. If you’re the sicko, you probably got blocked enough to make OKC want to shut you down; unless of course you found a girl who has just been dumped and needs validation; sometimes, we all do. I mean isn’t that why we’re on these apps anyway? In short, you stand a 50:50 chance with OKC, with a 100% chance of scoring at least once. If not, you can continue to have interesting conversations on OKC with a crowd that is hipster and old-school at heart (putting aside the creeps, of course).

My Ratings: 3/5

2. Omegle

Technically, it’s not a dating app. It’s a ‘Want-some-get-some’ app. I heard about it from a friend whose benefits were starting to dwindle and wanted to see if there was something new to try. Enter Omegle—a platform where you literally talk to strangers from around the world. Luckily, or unluckily, there aren’t too many Indians on the app. So, you’re talking to a lot of foreigners. How it works? There’s a timer that keeps throwing you options of random people to talk to—no image is revealed throughout the conversation. During the ongoing talks, either party can choose to end the conversation and move on. Basically, I want to get laid. So if you don’t want that, stop wasting my time. Men, now you know where to go, at all points of time.

What Happened?

Two things happened. First, the friend with dwindling benefits found reason to believe again. I never gave up in the first place. We found some interesting people to chat with and who were experimental enough to try (weird) things that some would call incredibly sexually progressive. When it comes to me, I’ll try anything once. Second, I tried it alone one night when I wanted to see if there was more to these people than just weird sexual urges. Out of the 50 odd people I chatted, switched to and from, 1 ended up holding a decent conversation.

Success Rate

If you have no game, Omegle can make you feel like a king. Why? Let’s see: You don’t have to put up a picture of your sad and forever-alone face so people don’t know squat. You don’t need to tidy up your room or yourself because it’s all virtual. The downside is all you have to rely on is your conversational skills and your mind games—the dirtier, the better. It’s a lot like a 30-second pitch you have to make to a potential investor/employer; it’s a make or break and you need t have good presence.

My Ratings: 2/5

3. Tinder

I’ll be honest: progressive millennia had been waiting a long time for Tinder to make an Indian appearance. So, when it did arrive on the scene, there were three sets of reactions—one set downloaded the app, swiped right on every image and stayed forever alone despite that. The second set complained about how it isn’t working for them because, well, they probably didn’t know what the app was originally meant for, to begin with. The third group waited it out. And after a few months, decided to see what the non-fuss was all about. I was the third category.

I swiped left, almost too many times. I tried feeling bad about it and doing a few sympathy right-swipes; but, there was just something so repulsive about some of the options that cropped up. I also came across an upsetting revelation—people who were engaged and committed to friends I knew, were on the app and were “looking for fun” (cheating). I also noticed a few trends in profile pictures—people liked to a) display pictures with a bunch of friends, b) post celebrity pictures (the classic Indian), and c) display selfies of their bodies, or in a swimming pool. Neither helped their cases much. But, there is always a silver lining to every cloud. I did swipe right on at least 3 profiles out of the 300 that I was shown, that turned out to be lucrative. What I liked was that at any point, if the conversation isn’t going as you please, you can always unmatch with the person.

Success Rate

While men tend to swipe right more than women do, it really depends on a lot of factors that cannot be anticipated. Also, while most online “dating” apps are for sex (in disguise), you do meet good people online, occasionally and date them, having sexual and emotional relationships with them and even make friends. I’ve made real friends through Tinder than most people do in real life (true story) and yes, if you know what you’re looking for, Tinder will not disappoint.

My Ratings: 4/5

4. TrulyMadly

This is a homegrown dating app that tries to take the spotlight and taboo away from the prominent sexual nature of dating apps. Unlike Tinder, you’re provided a grid like pattern with images of people to choose from with their names, ages and locations highlighted. An interesting aspect of the app is once you do get talking to someone, you have the option to play interesting little QandA games, like Confessions, with them—something that is a feature of the app—and it actually lets you know the person you’re chatting with in a better way. What I didn’t like about TrulyMadly was it’s essentially an uber commercial portal for people to advertise on. That’s it. The format is a mix of Tinder and Hinge while the colour scheme is taken from OKC; clearly lacks originality.

What Happened?

Nothing. Nyet. Zilch. I literally gave this app so many chances to turn things around. It promises a lot on paper. But, it doesn’t really deliver much more than Tinder on a good day. Every next minute, an advertisement popped up, or a TM video campaign popped up; disrupting the flow. The only fun part was the little quizzes you play with the person you match with; that’s it. At one point, I found the quizzes more than the person I was talking to. I got bored of the app because there was really nothing new look forward to. I mean why I would download an Indian dating app that is a rip-off of 3 international and successful apps, when the international apps work better on the home turf, is beyond me.

Success Rate

If you hate Tinder because you think it’s a sex-only app, chances are, you’re on TrulyMadly because it promotes itself as a dating app that will help you find “true love”. It tries to show how compatible two people are on another level. The quizzes make up for the times when the other person may not have any meaningful conversation to make. So, basically, you’re on TrulyMadly if you’re looking for love and serious commitment but don’t want to register on a matrimonial website because that’s just too much. The thing is while I’m all for meeting new people online, romantically; I wouldn’t leave a matter of true love to any dating app whatsoever.

My Ratings: 1.5/5

P.S.: Stay tuned for the rest of the apps tried and tested by Moi! In the meantime, if you have experiences of your own worth sharing, do write in, maybe?