Due to the budget constraints, the following policies are announced regarding employees traveling on official business. These policies are EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY:

LODGING:
All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives and friends while on business. If weather permits, public areas such as parks should be used as temporary lodging sites. Bus terminals, train stations and office lobbies may also provide shelter in periods of inclement weather.

TRANSPORTATION:
Hitch-hiking is the preferred mode of travel, in lieu of commercial transport. Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their departure on such travel. Airline tickets will only be authorized in extreme circumstances and the lowest fares will be used. For example, if a meeting is scheduled in Seattle, but a lower fare can be obtained by traveling to Detroit, the travel to Detroit will be substituted for travel to Seattle.

MEALS:
Expenditures for meals will be limited to an absolute minimum. It should be noted that certain grocery and specialty chains, such as Hickory Farms, General Nutrition Centers, and Costco Club stores often provide free samples of promotional items. Entire meals can be obtained in this manner. Travelers should also become familiar with indigenous roots, berries, and other protein sources available at their destination. If restaurants must be utilized, travelers should utilize all you can eat salad bars. This is especially effective for employees traveling together - as one plate can be used to feed the entire group. Employees are also encouraged to bring their own food on official travel. Cans of tuna, Spam and Beefaroni can be consumed at your leisure without the unnecessary bother of heating or costly preparation.

MISCELLANEOUS:
All employees are encouraged to devise innovative techniques in an effort to save our budget dollars. One enterprising individual has already suggested that money could be raised during airport layover period, which could be used to defray expenses. In support of this idea, red caps will be issued to all employees prior to their departure, so that they may earn tips by helping other travelers with their luggage. Ballpoint pens will also be made available to employees so that sales may be made, as time permits.

FEEDBACK:
As always senior management is interested in your feedback on these proposals. Please e-mail them to head office and they will be carefully reviewed after we return from the senior management motivational retreat in Italy.

I have a friend who loves to use deer feeders that will hold like 5- 40 pound bags of feed or corn, and wants help hauling them deep into the woods where he has amazingly located the perfect spot for this 30 pound battery operated tripod that will only be there for a couple of weeks each year. My suggestion to him was to build some kind of light weight gravity feeder that could be strapped to a tree or a fence post if permenant, and this is what we came up with. I am...