Ewww… Kale…!

TGIF! Well, for those who don’t have to work this weekend, that is! For those who do, I feel your pain!

Is there anything in your life that automatically makes you think, “Eww, yuck,” or something to that effect? Back when I was a child, many moons ago, we were having a family picnic at a park, and my aunt and uncle had a video camera. I’ve always been into rock and metal music, whereas my sister, Gina, was into dancing at that time.

We had a boom box at the park, and I was listening to Whitesnake. Gina wanted to dance for the camera, so she made me rewind the tape to play “Here I Go Again.” (If you’re unfamiliar, it starts off slow like a ballad, then becomes heavy and faster.) Picture it- my sister, about eight or nine years old… she’s sitting on top of a picnic table, looking very pensive and deep in thought during the slow part. Then, all of a sudden, she leaps off of the table and starts dancing, hardcore. Again, we’re at a picnic, and had been grilling burgers and hot dogs. There was some substance, later determined to be meat grease, on the concrete slab; and right smack in the middle of that dancing, Gina came to a dead stop, pointed at the ground, and squealed, “Ewwwww, SNOT!”

Well, that’s EXACTLY how I feel about kale… “Ewwwww, kale!” My earliest experiences with kale were eating out as a child. Dad always ordered steak, which inevitably came garnished. At that time, kale was considered fancy-schmancy. He never ate it, he always just left it on the plate. Fast forward to a few years ago, all of a sudden kale became a “thing.” I couldn’t help but wonder why on earth people would eat a garnish…

Well, after dealing with high blood pressure and cholesterol issues, Jerry started researching. He watched documentaries about the Gerson Institute, and decided we should start juicing. For some reason, he gets his mind set on strange diets and eating habits. For some other reason, I actually agreed to try this with him. I regret that decision every day.

I don’t care how many apples, lemons, berries, pieces of ginger, or other flavorings are added, there is NOTHING that could make kale juice taste good. Even worse, add in some beets, and you’ve got yourself and Dirty Lawn Special. Yep, that’s right, tastes like freshly mowed grass, with some dirt mixed in. Mmmm…tasty… (insert sarcasm here). I seriously wanted to take that juicer outside and smash it to smithereens with a baseball bat.

Last week, I went in for routine blood work, and my cholesterol came back slightly elevated. (More on that later, so keep checking back.) As a result, I opted to go back to eating super-healthy. We eat healthy as it is, but I’m taking it a step further. Not as strict as when I was doing bodybuilding, but a lot more so than I have been.

I decided to try to choke down some kale again. I’d seen “kale chips” all over social media, so I thought I’d try them out. I rinsed the nasty green leaves, dried them off, and broke them into pieces. After spreading the stuff out on a parchment-covered cookie sheet, I sprinkled on some seasonings, and baked at 350 degrees for about 12 minutes.

So, how did the “kale chips” taste? Heinous. Hideously heinous. Any hipster or follower of Gwyneth who tells you otherwise is either lying, or has very strange taste. (Sorry, no offense…) The flavor while eating them wasn’t unbearable, they mostly just tasted like the seasoning. But, the aftertaste? Imagine the flavor of rotten, putrid yak entrails. Imagine after you eat those rotten, putrid yak entrails, you puke. Now, think about the taste of that wretched concoction coming back up…

Ewww…kale…

Do you eat kale? Do you have any bad experiences? What about recipes that actually taste good? Scroll down to comment below!