FIFTY SHADES OF HONESTY

There are some very interesting things I found over the years, about needing something from people, how to avoid being needy, and get a grip over your emotions. If you master your emotions you can master the world. As men, we haven’t evolved to make emotional decisions, and depending on the times we live in today, that can be a little hard to understand. What I’m writing about in this topic is understanding how to do so and why things happen to us when we are least expecting. It’s really paradoxical, the way we think, what is expected of us by society and what truly is at stake. Now you might be asking yourselves the question – How can you be honest with girls, and hiding your intent, because that is what might frighten a girl, and she will go for the next guy? This question will be answered in the following topic, which I will make two parts of.

Body-language & intent

The truth of the matter is that you do not hide your intent. Always project your intent through body language, not your words. Taking action instead of talking about it is a form of confidence women adore. You can pretty much show her your intent by taking an interest towards her. One way of doing so is having the proper body language. Another is not being afraid to look her straight in the eyes. Thing is that sometimes you must deviate your eye sight from hers, because if you continually look her in the eyes, it would seem creepy to her. That means you can’t be overly dominant, because you will look controlling to her and that will frighten her. So when you are talking to her, in order to demonstrate intent and interest towards her, a really powerful thing to do is look her straight in the eyes and when she is talking to you, divert your gaze above to show that you are actually processing what she is saying. This comes straight from NLP. If you look up from time to time, that means that you are a visual creature and you are trying to picture what she is explaining to you and she will find it dominant and appealing. I thought this topic was about honesty and the different varieties of them. How about going back straight to the topic, huh? What is this NLP stuff here? You are right. I have the tendency of deviating from topics at hand from time to time, so I’ll get back on the point.

The paradox

Can you be honest and get the girl at the same time? Yes that is possible, but as things in this messed up world are, this stems from somewhere. That means, before you are honest, with somebody, you need to be congruent. Congruence is the alignment of emotional state, vocal tonality and posture. You have to be confident enough in your skin to feel congruent. And once you are congruent and “Everything comes from the heart” so to speak, then you can be honest. You can say things like – “Damn if I was in that bod of yours, I’d be horny all the time” or “Damn you’re hot (Grab her by the hand and say), let’s go out for a quick smoke to see what you are truly about”, and that is completely OK to say if you are congruent and confident. She will buy it and just go along with it. That dictates to her that you are confident, depending on the way you say it. This will make her think that it’s actually her idea. And here comes the paradox, you have to be interested and indifferent at the same time. Only smile and laugh if the things she is saying are interesting to you.

The best way of being indifferent is to make it about you. Sounds strange? Well if I do that, what’s the point of talking to her if it’s about me? Well that way you will demonstrate high values, which are also important for her approval of you. When you go out, and believe me she will come with you if she likes you, then you will engage in making assumptions about her and asking interview based questions with a tone of indifference, like – “what brings you here?, Oh, that’s cool, do you have a job? That’s awesome, you look like the party kind. At the beginning I assumed that you are a lawyer on her day off. Guess I was wrong.” You can basically go wherever from there. Those questions and assumptions you are making with your tone being indifferent makes her wonder if you are genuinely interested in what she has to say, and mystery attracts people, because we are all curious to know everything we are interested about. However, here comes the true form of honesty, you have to be able to demonstrate it. If she truly says something that spikes your interest or shocks you (for instance if she is a space cadet or something, which will definitely spike my interest), you have to look shocked, that way she will see you as honest and appreciate the praise you give her, because it will come from the “heart”.

Conclusion Part I

You can always praise girls as much as you want at the beginning that is the truth. There is a thin line however. You don’t have to put them on a pedestal. For instance show a bit of interest by raising your eyebrows and say – “So you are a lawyer, that is really interesting, didn’t pick you as the type (for instance, you might’ve assumed she was a doctor or studying or something), guess I was wrong about you, tell me more”. You can bring back playfulness too, you can say – “Damn, why do you dress like that? It’s fucking distracting, and I’m trying to be serious here (Grab her hand or touch her on the shoulder and say), “lets to back inside and dance for a bit so I can cool off, we can always smoke later” – Dance with her for 1 or 2 minutes, go see your friends or talk to some other people, then check her out again in 20 minutes. This will demonstrate to her, that it’s about you, and it will make her wonder what you are all about, since you seem like you don’t care but you engage in talking to her from time to time. That is how you make it about you. Don’t waste your time in the club, talking to only one girl. If you do, you will seem clingy and girls don’t like that, actually no one likes that. Going back on being honest. If you truly believe that she is amazing you can say it straight to her face with a tone of indifference and she will buy it without feeling you as clingy or needy. Girls love honest guys and you have to trust me on that. I will explain how this works with a story of mine on part two of this topic.