Sometimes if you're nervous or doubtful and lose confidence, your body language can change to do something like fold your arms, put your head down, or a variety of subconscious movements. However, you can condition yourself to transition from the unsure body language to a sure one. So if you know your unconfident behaviours that is the first step. Sometimes I press my lips together during stressful and unsure moments, or gaze down, and even take a big gulp. So I consciously now do these behaviours and practice transitioning from doing something like taking a big gulp and then immediately walking tall, chest puffed out, totally relaxed and confident like I am an unstoppable force of nature. The more I practice this the more when I feel unsure in real life and I have unconfident body language, without even thinking, I am trained to instantly take the posture of an unstoppable ultra confidence force. The great thing is that the more you practice the easier it is done subconsciously. So unsure states of mind automatically are transformed into unbelievable confidence.

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Sitting and meditating in a cozy and quiet room by yourself is actually a wonderful experience. But sometimes it doesn't prepare you for real life turmoil because you aren't able to instantly get out of a situation and get into the lotus position and meditate.

But you can do some mini meditations while being engaged with other people and practice them all the time during your life so they become easy. Some of these 5 tips might seem real hard and they probably will be, but so was riding a bike before it became something that you could never forget.

So here are 5 things you can do when anger flares up, doubt arises, fear overwhelms you, and you are teetering on the edge of snapping.

1. Breathe deeply

This seems very hacky and an overused suggestion, but it's useful because you can do this silently and easily and without making a big display for people. If you do this through your nose, people will not notice and you can instantly gain a bit of relaxation, oxygen, and bring yourself to the present moment so you can think more clearly.

2. Stand straight and relax your tension

Just slowly straighten your posture and stand tall to gain more confidence that you can handle anything that comes your way. And make an effort to relax the clenched jaw, may clenched fist, and the other tension in your body when rage arises. I sometimes feel a tightening in my stomach, back, and shoulders when anger hits me hard. But when you just notice this constriction and pay attention to it for a second, it does loosen up just a little bit.

3. Empty your mind

There are a myriad of negative thoughts which can flood your mind when things don't go your way and anger ensues. Let these thoughts come but make a conscious effort not to run with them. Just let them be and fade away. Empty your mind so you don't instantly act, as anger is just a letter away from danger.

4. Smile

Smiling when you're angry can be akin to lifting a thousand pounds over your head. But you don't need to put on a fake toothy grin; just even a millimeter of a lip curl at the ends will make a difference in changing your focus from rage to more positive solutions.

5. Have compassion

This is real hard in the moment and very counter-intuitive to what we typically feel is the normal reaction. But you can start this by having compassion for yourself having to endure a situation and then having compassion for the other person in realizing that they are more than likely acting out of pain or delusion and going to create more suffering for themselves; this is something that will bring you long term happiness. The reason we typically lash out at people in anger is that it feels good, we feel as though it is going to make us happy. It's a release. But as soon as we do that, then more pain keeps coming in terms of greater conflict and fighting and a negative energy around us and oftentimes feelings of regret and guilt; remorse over actions done in haste under the possession of anger. We anticipated happiness from the reactive rage but it turned out to be the opposite. Compassion and understanding curtails that insta-anger reactive that is built into many of our psyches, and allows and opportunity to avoid that pitfall of creating more suffering, and actually helps in finding a way to generate solutions and some healing in the situation.

I used to have regret about my mistakes, but now I have gratitude for them.

Because of my errors I am able to forgive and have compassion for others as I can understand how one can make poor judgments based on being possessed by the ego, or overtaken by pain. If I was a perfect person I wouldn't be able to harness that same deep level of compassion and understand because I wouldn't know what it's like to err, to misstep, to stumble and bear the pain of negative action.

When things are going perfect, confidence is easy. It's a natural byproduct of that success. But when you can generate a sense of confidence as things are going down the toilet, and you are not getting your way; doubt and fear and nerves are creeping into you mind and body; then that's a brilliant skill.

One way to do that, which Georges St-Pierre notes, is to act with confidence from by using your body. Pierre admits his fear and total panic before a fight, but as he walks to the cage he starts to walk like he's an unbeatable force and nothing will ever stop him. So by the time he reaches the UFC Octagon to compete, his body has convinced his mind that he is a fighter who is unbeatable.

We can take that same mentality in real life. We can sense fear and nerves and doubt creep into us, and at that point acknowledge it, but make a conscious effort to stand as tall as possible. Take some deep breaths and with every deep breath feel yourself being inflated further, getting taller, your chest puffing out with pride and extreme confidence. This is not an effort to deny your nerves, but it's something that breaks a pattern of going from fear to doubt to anger to hate to depression, or similar patterns which lead into a downward spiral. If you can break that chain and make a transition from feeling doubt, acknowledging that, and then segueing into a more empowering body posture, that's a very useful tool. Again, it's not a denial of your feelings, but almost a training for you to subconsciously pick yourself back up and not tumble all the way from the top of the mountain back to the base when things get rough. In the past, we have all unconsciously gone down that negative road, and it was just a result of practicing those behaviors and subconsciously always finding ourselves in the same pattern. If you can change that pattern you can change your subconscious actions, and you can change your life.