Saturday, December 5, 2009

Theo Gets Scutaro, Kraft Getting Chickens

The Sox continued their time honored holiday tradition of buying a new short stop every season with the acquisition of Marco Scutaro. When reached for comment, Theo said his long term goal is to set a Major League record for most players on the payroll that play for other teams and most players at a single position during a given GM’s tenure.

I think he’s already got both of them in the bag. Way to go, Theo!

In other Boston sports news, Robert Kraft has applied for a permit to raise chickens. In a statement to the press, Mr. Kraft said:

"Funding for the Stadium Footbridge has been removed from the stimulus package, and we see this as an innovative way to fund the project. For years my friends have been telling me about the wonderful times they have at this little chicken ranch in Nevada, so I figured why not open one up here. I’m sure the money saved on the flights will be spent on eggs and such. We’ve even been toying with the idea of painting little Pats helmets on the eggs. Very unique. Our slogan will be “Brown Eggs Are Local Eggs, And Local Eggs Are Pats.” I made that up."

And so did I. All kidding aside, although the Sox do seem to be a bit obsessed about finding the “right” shortstop, Scutaro may turn out to be a good acquisition. He’s definitely an offensive upgrade at short, and he really flashed some leather last year, but I liked having Gonzo back. He was a proven commodity from a defensive standpoint, and contrary to peoples fears, he turned out to be no slouch at the plate, either. All in all, I’d rather see them concentrating their efforts on resigning Bay.

As for Mr. Kraft and his chickens, whatever that man wants to do is all right with me. He’s a great guy and he’s done so much for both the franchise and New England in general, that I couldn’t find it in my heart to begrudge him over a few chickens. If he wanted to start an Alpaca farm, I’d be first in line for a big fuzzy hat and matching sweater. They’d be awesome for those late December games…

And speaking of games, don’t be jumping ship on our Pats just yet. I think we all tend to forget that this was a Brady-less team last year, and there’s going to be some fits and starts as they all readjust. Are they a consistent “top tier team”? Of course not, did you really expect them to be? Can they pull it together and close out the season on a high note? Yes, and that would be more than I expected of them. Hey, I’ve watched some pretty bad football over the years, and I’ll tell you this; a team that’s 7-4 with 5 games to go, and a virtual lock on the AFC East, is worth watching.