Holy Fucking Frytastic! Bring your wallet and your difibulator cause it’s on at Pappadeaux. Pappadeaux is a Creole and Cajun themed seafood kitchen. Bacons, Johnny Ringo, the lovely Jenn and I visited this glory to gluttony one night after about three bourbon and cokes. Okay, only I had three bourbon and cokes.

We were seated and began to peruse the story of the menu. This thing was expansive! I am pretty sure Noah was in the back herding two of every animal into a vat of hot boiling oil. Despite Ringo’s worry about the chewiness of gator meat, we decided to start our feast with the fried alligator tail appetizer and the fried calamari. The alligator was not chewy at all and came with a creole dipping so good it’d make ya wanna smack yo mama! The Calamari was like biting into a soft cloud of titties. Whoever was on the fryer that night was a true artist.

At this point I was about four drinks and two deep fried appetizers in and was starting to get full. However, I was now in cajun country where 1000 calories is just getting started. Not to mention the stuffed swordfish on the wall was giving me the eye like I was some pussy who can’t handle his fried food. So I did what any man would do and ordered the crawfish platter. I was served a platter roughly the size of Rocky Dennis’ head. On one side was about 30 fried crawfish. On the other was a mess of crawfish etoufee. Separating the two like coach in a high school brawl was a heap of dirty rice. For the southern culturally deficient, dirty rice is rice with meat in it such as ground beef. Often it is chicken livers or giblets with peppers, celery and onion, however, Pappadeaux uses the less adventurous ground beef. The dirty rice was perfectly mixed in with the etoufee. It was a nice break from all of the fried food. I was actually starting to sweat peanut oil.

Bacons had the King Crab Legs which were definitely good. However, the best thing about his dish was the ingenious little device Pappadeaux provides to remove the sweet, succulent crab meat from its calcified prison. It’s a mix between garden shears and scissors and was perfect for getting through the shell without ripping your hands apart.

Jenn had the fried oyster platter. Once again, Frymaster J showed his prowess by presenting a perfectly cooked pillow of oyster goodness blanketed by a crispy, crunchy batter. Jenn actually only ate two of these as Bacons and myself assaulted her plate like a couple of chimpanzees.

After all of this our waiter had the audacity to offer dessert. We had key lime pie, but not before I asked our waiter how many customers he has seen fall out in cardiac arrest. He said he has not seen it yet, but was waiting for the day. I’m pretty sure the staff has a betting pool going on this, but I digress. The pie was a perfect cold creamy treat to settle the oil settling in our guts.

I then went home so full that I molted my skin and did not eat for 3 days. And by 3 days I mean 3 hours.

Overall, Pappadeaux delivers exactly what it promises. There were steamed, grilled and boiled options on the menu, but an overwhelming majority of the food is deep fried, just like it is in ‘Nawlins. If you prefer steamed fish and a watercress salad, then you are advised to find somewhere in Boulder. If you got a wild hair and want to strap on the feedbag then this is definitely your place.