i was told that women are allowed to go to the grave even though it is not recommended however they are not allowed to cry. Furthermore i was told that only old women are allowed to go and not young women. What do they mean by young women? is it age or the maturity stage? Thank you.

Women in islam are not at all allowed to visit graves. Neither young nor old --

Can you kindly go thru this link

http://islamqa.info/en/ref/8198

-------------Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent."

Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 12 February 2012 at 7:25am

For a good understanding of the Sunnah, it
is important to reconcilesahih(authentic) hadiths that appear
contradictory in that, at first glance, their textual meanings are at variance.
It is necessary to combine some of them with others, and place each in its
correct place, so that they harmonize and do not differ, so that they
complement and do not contradict. We do not do so for weakly supported texts
except as a voluntary service or act where there is no requirement or duty to
do that.

For
example, the hadith of Abu Hurayrah: "God's Messenger condemned women visitors to the graves".
Ahmad ibn Hanbal and Ibn Majah narrated it, also al-Tirmidhi who called inhasanandsahih, and Ibn Hibban
narrated it in hisSahih. Supporting that is
what has come in other hadiths prohibiting women following funeral processions,
from the import of which is derived the prohibition of women visiting the
graves.

In
opposition to these hadiths, there are others from which one understands the
permissibility for women, as for men, of visiting graves. Among them is his
(peace be upon him) saying: "I
had forbidden you to visit graves, but [now I say] visit them."
[Hakim]"Visit the
graves, for indeed they remind of death." [Muslim] Women
are included in the general permission to visit graves, and in the need of
everyone to be reminded of death. Also among these hadiths is what Muslim
narrated (and al-Nasai and Ibn Hanbal) from Aishah. She asked: "How shall
I address them? (she meant 'when I visit the graves'). He said:'Say:
Peace be upon the people of the homes of the believers and the Muslims; and God
have mercy on the early-comers among us and the late-comers. And indeed we, if
God wills, are catching up with you.'" Another example is
what the two Shaikhs (Bukhari and Muslim) have narrated from Anas, that "the
Prophet passed by a woman weeping at a grave. So he said: 'Fear God and be patient.'..."
Now, he forbade her anxiety, but he did not forbid her visiting the grave.
Another example is narrated by al-Hakim from Fatimah,the daughter of God's Messenger, that she used to visit
the grave of her uncle, Hamzah, every Friday, and she prayed and wept near it.

Moreover,
these hadiths demonstrating the permissibility of women visiting graves are
moresahihand
more common than the hadiths demonstrating the prohibition of it. So combining
and reconciling them is possible, in this way: one can interpret the
'condemnation' mentioned in the hadith as warning against wailing, and the like
which may apply to both men and women. If reconciling two (or more) hadiths
contradictory in outward sense is not possible, then one may resort to
preference between them.