If your planning to have Kenji beat up, don't do it. Instead of it be predictable be as unpredictable you can be.
Oh and could you be nice and let Soi Fon so mad that when someone comments about her age and/or size/age
Also how does yamamoto and the other people(coughUnohanacough) don't get any younger?
THATS IS ALL MASTER BLEACH(DON'T FEEL LIKE SHFTING MY WORDS)

And for some reason... Nel comes to earth as a student? Isn't that going to be a bit weird? what exactly does she look like anyway? I can't quite picture her without her mask thingy...

And while your spelling is very good (something that seriously seems to lack here on the internet .) I still think you might need a beta reader to use. Just to fix up your paragraphs, the description, make sure all the details in your plot are ironed out etc. If you don't mind, can I be your beta reader? I think you have quite a bit of potential and can make great stories with the right structure of writing.