“Okay,” says Mikka, who only knows about that event because of the Crosby Stills Nash and Young song “Ohio.”

“Do you think we can find some people who would do a Star Wars-themed reenactment of the Kent State shootings?” I say. “You know, like a bunch of stormtroopers walking on a college campus shooting Jedi Knights or rebel soldiers.”

“Can we also do a 9/11 reenactment using X-Wings crashing into the World Trade Center?” I say.

Mikka tells the bartender not to serve me anymore. I think he’s just jealous he didn’t think of reenacting atrocities with Star Wars intellectual property first. But like I always say: If you’re going to go, might as well go all the way.

My college freshman year roommate calls me every single year on that day, bright and fucking early, and puns. Every year. At first it was to make fun of me because I like Star Wars and she hates it – but now it’s just a nice tradition we have. She calls me and I get pissed at her for waking me up and being cheerful.