7 Things I Never Knew Required Cleaning Until I Had Kids

Once upon a time, cleaning my house was just another line on my to-do list. A good cleaning session once weekly would result in the removal of dust, dirt, pet hair, and the occasional screw top of an adult beverage, leaving a pristine, spotless living space. Often times, a cleaning spree resulted in a spotless house for days. Such simpler times, those were. But since becoming a parent nine years ago, those days are very much gone. Behold: The items I never thought of, wanted to, or realized I'd ever have to clean before kids came into my life:

1. Stickers. In nearly a decade of mothering, I have peeled stickers off of furniture, walls, floors, legs, hands, arms, faces, and tummies. My second daughter inherited a changing table that looked more like an art installation. Perhaps my first daughter has a future career in the visual arts.

Stickers on the changing table.

Jill Valentino

2. Dirty clothes. Keeping up with laundry when you have children is like running on a nonstop hamster wheel. If my nine-year-old wears something for five minutes, it ends up in the hamper. In contrast, my toddler gets three meals and half of our backyard on her shirt but if you take it off to wash she howls because "WANT...SHIRT...ON!" Yes, laundry is truly the never ending story.

3. Cheerios. Everywhere. In pockets. On the dog. Decorating my car's floor. In my toddler's shoes, socks, and yes, in the DIAPER. It's like they reproduce while I sleep.

4. Raisins. See Cheerios.

Oh, NoseFrida, you brilliant, disgusting beast.

Jill Valentino

5. Boogers. Both of my daughters had runny noses for the duration of toddlerhood. My youngest is 20 months old; thus there are boogers everywhere. Dried in her too-long bangs. On my shirt after a hug. On her older sister who is now mortified, and needs to change her shirt (yay, more laundry!). One positive is that the toddler has learned to blow her nose in a tissue, so we have retired the NoseFrida, a brilliant, yet disgusting suctioning device for baby noses. The tube fills with snot while your baby fills with rage. My husband watched my entire C-section from cut to sew (twice), yet refused to clean the disgusting NoseFrida booger tube. So I did it.

She does try to help.

Jill Valentino

6. Poop. It's everywhere. Yet, it's not something people realize until they are deep in the fecal trenches. In one corner, explosive baby poop! In the other? Stinky toddler poop that she wants to hand you a diaper full of. Will some fall on the floor? Stay tuned! How about poop in the bathtub? Poop on the bathroom floor. Poop in the training toilet that doesn't flush nor contain water. Poop is a fact of life with children, and it often feels like you are either cleaning it off of someone or something all of the time.

7. Vomit. Usually when life is going along swimmingly, vomit decides to make a surprise appearance to shake things up. Vomit never makes a nice neat entrance in the toilet either, like in our college days. No! As a parent, vomit arrives explosively, covering my husband and me like a blanket...in the middle of the night...in our bed. Almost automatically, like a well-oiled machine, Dad quickly begins cleaning, locating, and changing sheets, while Momma holds and consoles the crying, sick child, telling her that she will be okay, while at the same time ensuring she is near a container or toilet in case vomit returns for an encore.

Sure, the concept of cleanliness takes on a new meaning when you become a parent. But so do concepts like love, priorities, and family. In the long run, what's more important? I've been told that "one day I'll miss the mess and chaos of having young kids." And when I think about sitting in my clean, spotless, quiet house all alone, I'm pretty sure I will. So today, I accept the clutter and filth while promising all visitors that, while you may encounter items 1 through 4 on my list in my home at times, I will personally guarantee no traces of 5 to 7. I think that's a pretty good deal from a mom.

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