Time to make some changes?

Do any of the following pointers mirror your life? Then it's time to follow Jenny Radcliffe's action plan below:

•You have a general sense of dissatisfaction, lethargy and lack of motivation.

•You know how each conversation will go before you've had it.

•You don't laugh often.

•You never take risks: perhaps you always eat the same food, buy the same kind of clothes and see the same people.

•You spend a lot of time fantasising: maybe about travelling, winning the lottery, losing lots of weight. Your fantasies run along the lines of : 'Everything would be OK if only...'

Fantasising (and not acting on any of those wishes) keep you stuck in a rut.

•Knowing that you'll be having sex tonight because it's Friday (and knowing where and how you'll have sex).

•Being too fixed in old beliefs/assumptions.

•Finding habits take over before you've thought about it. For example: you always find that you take on certain tasks at work without being able to remember when you negotiated it with your boss.

•Your life lacks any spontaneity.

•Your day at work seems to last for 16 hours and at the end of it you can't remember what you did.

•You eat a meal and can't remember how it tasted 10 minutes later.

•You don't get excited about anything.

Here are Jenny's recommendations for adding challenge and new experiences into your life:

• Do something new: buy different food or clothes, have a haircut, go somewhere different in your lunch break. Small changes are best because they build up confidence.

• Do something that makes you anxious or fearful. It could be anything from chairing a meeting at work to hosting a dinner party. You'll learn more about your capabilities and increase your confidence.

•Set goals. Where do want to be in a year's time/in 5 year's time? Just deciding on them is a step in working towards them.

•Learn something new. Arrange to be sent on a course at work or do an evening class.

•Communicate and take emotional risks. Learn to tell your partner what you really want and need in an open and direct way (assertiveness courses are helpful if you find this difficult). Remember, he's not a mind reader. Ask him about his wants: sexual, emotional and practical.

•Share your sexual fantasies with your partner.

•Really listen to the person you're talking to. Allow someone to change your opinion on something. Open yourself to new ideas.

•Talk to someone you've never spoken to before.

•Challenge assumptions. You've probably been carrying around a set of life rules for a long time, such as: 'I must always be kind and caring'; 'I must always be in control'; 'I must do everything perfectly', or 'In order to be happy I must be loved.' Test out these beliefs. If people are always telling you how helpful you are, try saying no for a change. If you like to be in control at work, take a back seat at the next meeting. Old rules may keep you feeling safe at the expense of new experiences.

•If you're trying to expand your horizons, tell your partner about it. He will not appreciate being left behind in the rut and it may cause conflict if you make dramatic changes without having him on board.

•Helpful further reading: Feel the fear and do it anyway, by Susan Jeffers (Arrow); Guide to Life by Dorothy Rowe (HarperCollins)

Jenny Radcliffe can be contacted on 07957 456 263 or at www.lifebalancecoach.co.uk