How many dates are you willing to go without having sex?

If a guy is withholding sex because He Doesn't Want to Hook Up™, I Want to Get to Know You Better™ and He's Not Ready™ how many dates are you willing to have before getting annoyed about the lack of sex?

For me, the vast majority of my (not all that numerous) dates are long distance. Given the logistical challenges of getting together in person at all, I'm not really interested in waiting longer than a third or fourth date for us to be having sex. Truthfully, first or second date is preferable if we're going to be going the dating route rather than the "friend zoning" route.

Not looking for anything anonymous or anything that isn't potential relationship material so I don't consider it "hooking up" even if it's sex on the first date.

Both of my multi-year relationships (2 years and 9 years) started with sex on the first date.

If I see that guy as a potential date I would never fuck him first day, but otherwise it can complicate things, whwn you have sex thinking to date that guy it becomes akward, is like you skipped a lot of courting and talking and bang, you got someone, I need my time with people.

duluthrunner saidFor me, the vast majority of my (not all that numerous) dates are long distance. Given the logistical challenges of getting together in person at all, I'm not really interested in waiting longer than a third or fourth date for us to be having sex. Truthfully, first or second date is preferable if we're going to be going the dating route rather than the "friend zoning" route.

I whole heart-ed-ly agree, and deal with the mostly long distance bit myself as well. Most of the time I allow for the first 2 dates to be "get to know you better" dates. if nothing happens after the 3rd, then we're clearly only friends, no benefits.

AttisXVI saidAs many as it takes for us to have sex. Problem is, if we arent compatoble in bed, thats a pretty big roadblock, so we shouldn't wait forever.

sexual compatibility is important too, but that also needs multiple times to be worked out, especially if the first few times are awkward for miscommunication.

It should happen when you are both ready. If you are annoyed that someone wants to wait a given length of time, you probably are looking for different things. I guess I would be annoyed if it went longer than a few months and nothing. (Long distance relationships aside)

For me personally, I like to let it happen naturally. The longest I've waited was almost 4 months, since the guy was (yes) a virgin! But, I believe that while important, sex too early definitely puts a "haze" on the relationship, and may make things a little unclear.

If we're "hooking up", it should be that night, minimally after the first drink... but that's just a "Hook Up"... all about the sex, and not getting to know someone.

"Dating" is an exercise in finding a match for yourself. Humor, Interests, Feelings, Politics... all sorts of things to find out how compatible you are before finding out how sexually compatible you are.

I think it depends on you and the guy. I used to be a fan of waiting and getting to know each other over several dates thinking this was the only way to go. And that CAN definitely work. But I've also found that having an initial coffee/drink and then on the 2nd date we get naked works nicely too. There is something about being naked where I have found that guys loosen up (literally) and you can get beyond some of the formality fluff.

It's what you guys feel comfortable with. I've been seeing this guy, and we didn't get intimate until the 4th date. I don't mind the wait, it makes the intentions more clear, and after the massive turmoil from my past relationship, I really don't mind having that clarity!

The reason I asked is because I've been dating a guy and on the 6th date I went to his place for the first time. I was ready and eager to have sex and I thought he was too, but when we went to bed and started making out and I reached for his dick, he stopped me.

"So I'm not allowed to touch your dick?", I joked. And he replied "not yet."

Six dates are more than I would wait.. I'd wait 2 or 3.. I had a second date with someone recently and he was annoyed that I didn't want to have sex with him.. I think it depends on the circumstances.. sometimes first date is ok, sometimes third.. but if someone isn't on the same wavelength then it's time to move on..

I don't mind at all if the guy doesn't want to do it immediately. Actually, I find it refreshing, but each situation is different. I would say, if he isn't affectionate by the 3rd or 4th date, we have a problem.. we should be well on our way to his putting out, especially with my seduction efforts.

duluthrunner saidFor me, the vast majority of my (not all that numerous) dates are long distance. Given the logistical challenges of getting together in person at all, I'm not really interested in waiting longer than a third or fourth date for us to be having sex. Truthfully, first or second date is preferable if we're going to be going the dating route rather than the "friend zoning" route.

I whole heart-ed-ly agree, and deal with the mostly long distance bit myself as well. Most of the time I allow for the first 2 dates to be "get to know you better" dates. if nothing happens after the 3rd, then we're clearly only friends, no benefits.

AttisXVI saidAs many as it takes for us to have sex. Problem is, if we arent compatoble in bed, thats a pretty big roadblock, so we shouldn't wait forever.

sexual compatibility is important too, but that also needs multiple times to be worked out, especially if the first few times are awkward for miscommunication.

Exactly!

Compatibility requires time. The first experience often cannot predict whether there will be compatibility.

I am really good at reading people when i am in their presence, a childhood defense mechanism thing, so i could wait a fair amount assuming i was getting enough positive verbal and non-verbal cues.

How long, would depend on my attraction to the person and their reason(s) for the delay. I think in your case, on date 6, i would want to know what the hold up was in a decent amount of detail.

Also i think age would play a factor. A guy in his early 20s i might think it was neat. A guy in his 40s making me wait, i would find that odd and suspicious...like are you waiting for something to clear up?? and wonder about our compatability if they're taking sex that seriously.

Honestly after one date, i like to see if there's sparks between us. I pretty much know after one date if I'm into him sexually. Now getting to know him in the long run is another story. But i want the physical spark to be there too.