BORED IN BANNOCK COUNTY

I want to go out on the weekends, but I always end up watching Netflix. It feels like there’s nothing to do here at night other than go to WinCo. What can I do for fun in Pocatello?

Sincerely,

Bored in Bannock County

Dear Bored in Bannock County,

I understand your pain. Pocatello, for all its quirks and charm, isn’t exactly known for its many activities or thriving nightlife.

The best piece of advice I can give to you when it comes to finding something to do in this town is to be 21.

That’s honestly, basically it.

There’s no shortage of bars in this town, and if you’re feeling frisky you could even take a trip to Club 91, which is not exactly an actual club but definitely the closest you can get to it in Pocatello, Idaho.

If you’re not 21, things can be a little trickier.

This town wasn’t designed for youngin’s like us, Bored in Bannock County, so finding ways to keep ourselves entertained becomes infinitely trickier.

It’s easy to see why so many people do so many drugs. It’s not addiction; it’s boredom. (By the way, I’m not endorsing drugs. This is not me telling you to do drugs. I’m absolutely, in no way at all, saying that drugs are a solid option that will keep you entertained for at least 3-7 hours.)

But I digress. If you’re truly desperate, there are still a few options available.

One of the best that I have found is to essentially take yourself on a date.

The key to overcoming boredom in this town is overcoming the stigma that you can’t do things by yourself.

Take yourself out to a nice fancy restaurant. Go see that movie you’ve been wanting to see. In fact, just go crazy on Pinterest and do all of their cute date ideas yourself. Bake some cookies, take a walk around Old Town, play tag in the park. O

kay, that last one might be a little weird by yourself, but you get the general idea.

Another trick to beating boredom in a tiny little town like this is to use your resources wisely.

You say there’s nothing to do but go to WinCo like that’s a bad thing. WinCo is a veritable untapped well of possibilities.

Have shopping cart races. Play that game where you try to pick three items that will freak out the cashier most. Both of which are likely to get you kicked out, but it will have been worth it.

I would also highly recommend investing in a Costco card.

Although it may seem pricey now, spending every Saturday walking around a giant temperature-controlled warehouse being fed free food is invaluable.

I mean, honestly, the grocery stores in this town are your best friend. And there’s so many of them that when you get kicked out of one for mischievous behavior, there’s plenty more to terrorize.

If you’re really feeling like you’ve exhausted every option of something to do, try driving. No, seriously. It’s called America’s favorite pastime for a reason, and there’s nothing better than speeding through the streets listening to a killer playlist and thinking about everything that’s ever gone wrong in your life.

I realize that sounds depressing, but I guess if you’re a happy person, you can listen to, like, a happy playlist and go joyriding or something.

But trust me on the sad, thoughtful driving. It’s very therapeutic. Either way, however, there’s plenty of back roads in Pocatello. Wherever you live, find a loop to drive that will take you back to your house.

The best loops are 15-20 minutes long and take you over lots of bridges and through lots of scenery. And the best part is, you can drive the loop infinitely. Boredom. Gone.

Sincerely,

Badvice

Disclaimer: If you are currently drunk, easily offended, or just not very bright, I would like to remind you that THIS IS SATIRE. Please do not follow my advice, or you could end up living life like me. And your mother does not want that for you.