Janitor's Justice

Question: If your elected officials fail basic taxonomy, promote anti-science curriculum, and consistently attempt to undermine the fundamental underpinning of all biology, what happens when they start trying to legislate from this flawed view of reality?

The answer is this poorly-worded miasma of a law recently passed in Florida, which presumably was designed to prevent bestiality and promote animal welfare, but which has actually made it illegal, effective October 1, 2011, for anyone to have sex in Florida.

So if you’re living in Florida on October 1, 2011 and would like to have sexual intercourse with a consenting adult, please check with your veterinarian or local livestock breeder first to make sure you abide by ”accepted animal husbandry practices, conformation judging practices, or accepted veterinary medical practices.”

After I was discharged from the Army and learned I couldn’t collect
unemployment because everyone was hiring, I went to see the Chief Judge of the
Circuit Court because I had worked there before the Army drafted me on
Valentine’s Day, 1966.

He said I looked liked a fine young man, i.e., my hair was
short, and he was required by law to rehire me. He assigned me a 1963
Studebaker that burned 2 quarts of oil every hundred miles and sent me off to
work.

Every business day I drove to a small motel and picked up an
elderly gentleman who was a crony of the Democratic boss in the state. Most
mornings he was still in bed drunk so I had to help him get dressed and put him
in the car. One morning I walked in and found an ugly prostitute next to him,
condom on the floor (no Viagra back then).

And off we would go a court twenty miles away where I would
plunk him in his chair in the courtroom and he would “clerk” the court. This is
when my second task often would kick in. If court wasn’t over by the luncheon
recess I was tasked with making sure he didn’t get drunk during the lunch hour.
I succeed most of the time. When I failed, I took over his duties and clerked
the court. That how I learned the job.

I knew from this first “major” assignment this was going to
be an interesting career.

Despite the governor's campaign promise to focus on job creation, Florida Governor Rick Scott and the Florida legislature have focused their attention on other matters.

In the legislative session that ended Saturday, lawmakers passed no job creation bills for Scott to sign. But they did pass five bills restricting abortion rights and a state budget that cuts nearly 4,500 public sector jobs.

The five bills, which Scott is expected to sign, force women to undergo ultrasounds prior to having an abortion, prohibit private insurance coverage of abortion care in the new state health-insurance exchange, require young women to prove the medical necessity of their abortions before a judge in order to bypass parental permission, establish state-sanctioned license plates that funnel money to anti-choice "crisis pregnancy centers" and changes the state constitution to prohibit the government funding of abortion.

Florida Republicans filed a total of 18 anti-abortion bills during the session, the third most in the country, according to the ACLU, and twice the number of anti-choice laws introduced last year in the state, according to NARAL Pro-Choice America.

The focus on abortion rights has caused some lawmakers -- including some fellow Republicans -- to question how they got so far off-track.

"I came up here to help put food on the table," said state Sen. Evelyn Lynn (R-Ormond Beach) during debate on the ultrasound bill. "I came up here to get people jobs. I came up here to protect people from the kinds of safety issues that fire and police take care of. I came up here to protect education."

"I will vote no on every abortion bill," she added. "It is the wrong thing for us to be discussing."

For the last decade or more FEMA and our county government
in the Florida Keys have been locked in a battle. Many stilt homes in the Keys
have livable downstairs’ enclosures most often rented to workforce folks that
cannot afford their own abode. Until recently the county has looked the other
way on this issue. Now FEMA demands that all livable downstairs enclosures be
destroyed or they will take away FEMA flood insurance for all. The irony of
FEMA’s demand is they don’t cover insurance at the ground level. DUH!

Now let’s look at Louisiana. As the floodwaters roll down
the mighty Mississippi, we are opening flood spillways that will destroy
thousands of rural acres to save urban areas. Folks that lived in these areas
knew about the potential to open these gates and destroy what they own, but do
they have FEMA flood insurance? Who will reimburse them for their loss? Was
flood insurance a requirement for the Louisiana folks who had mortgages? The
farmers are also facing the issue of crop insurance. At the present time it
appears the government’s position is: if no flood insurance, sorry.

Just because it will ultimately be a government decision to
flood one area in order to save Baton Rouge and New Orleans from extensive
damages does not mean flooded homes without FEMA flood insurance will be
covered. Is it a natural disaster or a manmade one?

Under federal law, only homeowners with federally backed
mortgages and living in high-risk areas (1 percent chance of flooding every
year and 26 percent chance during the life of a 30-year mortgage) are required
to buy flood insurance. People in moderate to low-risk areas are not.

There is presently legislation in Congress to tighten the
FEMA flood insurance program. But, there is an upcoming election. Stay tuned.

Florida plans to switch from paper textbooks to digital
readers for all students from K-12 by 2015. The payoff includes course content
that can be easily updated and interactive between students and educators.
Internet capable readers provide students with a massive resource.