you know, even if it were true, my pen is just as mighty, my arguments sound, my position valid. what does it matter? if not here to absorb or learn or discuss, she has value as a foil to bounce off of.

we can take a higher road than some of the adoption industry sites that ban adoptees that say anything they don't agree with.

Earlier today we received an email claiming that the person posting as Kris was not who she pretended to be. According to the real Kris, a co-worker had used her email address to sign-up on PPL. This person is doing research into issues surrounding adoption for her thesis, and is not an adoptive parent. By using bits and pieces of the story of the real Kris, she apparently hoped to look legitimate.

When we wrote the original announcement pertaining the blocking of Kris' account we had no further information than the claim she was an impersonator, but saw in that enough reason to at least temporarily block the account and make the announcement so no-one would put any more effort into responding to her posts.

After the announcement we exchanged several emails with the real Kris, who later today was able to explain the situation to us, of which this is a brief account.

while Kris's imposter was attempting to sabotage us or practice method acting or whatever it was, her presence here gave me the opportunity to crystalize my thoughts..

it was draining, yes, and took up an awful lot of my time. but, as i cried over my lost Korean book and its thin, delicate pages holding what remained of my heritage, and tried to support my fellow abuse victims here whose words were getting twisted, i realize that talking with Kris i was able to speak to my deceased adoptive parents. not my deceased abusive parents, but instead the pre-abusive parents who brought me to this place to fill their emptying nest. brought me here with little deep thought as to how this experience would effect me. brought me here discounting everything about me as an individual with my own thoughts, feelings, and rights. with the same apparent well meaning, altruistic-sounding, apparently harmless win-win argument filled with compassion and adoration.

"why, we just wanted to do something christian and charitable" my mother would say. her charity abducted me and enslaved me. and isolated me. it forced me to live as an outsider in this country and severed me forever from belonging to the place from whence i came. that they denied this truth of my existence only furthered my isolation. that it was not recognized meant we could never truly talk about it and even hope to meet as people who care deeply about each other and what they are feeling. and it was not charity. it was greed wrapped in the cloak of charity. i know this experience of mine is common amongst international adoptees. that new adoptive parents continue to insulate themselves from the truth of the consequences of satisfying their desires in this way - it just saddens me.

if i may get sappy here for a moment -
several weeks ago i sent my blog story i wrote here to a friend. during the middle of this volley with Kris, this is what I received from him:

So about your story, your life; Suki you are beautifully transcendent. A transcendent transient. A transient born in one hemisphere, raised in another, without much parents to speak of, became a mother, made a real family out of a fake one. You transcend abuse, not ignore it, you do your time, feel the feelings and you are free because of this. Sometimes I think you live your life like a check list working toward a certain end that only you know and are not willing to admit to yourself. There is a willfulness of yours that cannot be easily detoured. You don’t blow down houses you flood them. When you don’t fight – you outlast. When you resist it is on such a deep level it appears easily mutable on the surface. An opponent can fight the wind all day in a leaning tug of war back and forth. But there is no way to fight water, except to move. Water is patient and relentless – fluid yet forceful in its deceptive docileness. An Asian American Adoptee Architect. Never really had any connection to your Asian roots, never felt American, never liked being an adoptee, and never quite fell for the illusion of architecture. You live right through systems meant to absorb or dissolve someone’s complete attention with a kind of optimism that isn’t what I would expect from someone life has treated with such unkindness. You get knocked down fifty times, stand up fifty one, sometimes slowly but you always stand again. You bruise you bleed you cry but your back never breaks. If that isn’t inspiring then I can’t imagine what would be – race car drivers? They are cowards compared to you.

Jane, et al., Kris, dad, Teddy - i am new to this adoption awareness thing - i am passionate about everything i undertake - because i believe we could all die tomorrow and we can't afford to waste one second of this life. We are strong in spite of this sentence that's been forced upon us. I took the liberty of sharing my friends words. not to promote myself, but to show you that people CAN see through all your toils and troubles and appreciate the being inside you. Our voices have resonance because they ring, ring with truth. And if Kris can't hear our voices, then that is her loss. Our experiences have taught us to be ever vigilant to protect truth and maintain truth, because in our case, it really is truth which sets us free. Nothing less is acceptable.

My friend is right - there are strong, strong currents running through me - and these waters run deep - and they run through all of you - they are the currents of surviving traumas. not gracefully enough for our critics, but more graciously then they would be capable of. and you just can't know on the surface what we've seen, what we've experienced, what insights we have. we are a repository of great knowledge and there are many things we can reveal, if only people stop, look, and listen.

Anyway, thank you all for letting me be part of your community. It is nice to hear and be heard. finally. i feel i can accomplish much here with you.

fully human stated, "there are strong, strong currents running through me - and these waters run deep - and they run through all of you - they are the currents of surviving traumas." ALSO "i feel i can accomplish much here with you."
Thank you for including me in this community.