Embracing the inner pink and living with intention and absurdity. I am woman, hear me roar.

Monday, May 4, 2015

In the Void

I still go over to Melsdream, one of the few blogs I originally followed that is still going strong. I guess writing blogs is out of favor. But one of the more recent posts was about sitting in the void - the space between things that are happening. Relationships ending, etc. I'm trying to do that, and trying to learn lessons.

The guy who I bonded with immediately but to whom I have no physical attraction keeps driving by my area but hasn't been able to stop. He has issues with his parents, exactly like I had with my mom. So I'm trying to support him. I really do enjoy his company and feel at home when I talk to him. It comes in spurts because he has tons of friends, including women friends. But after/during a recent spurt, I felt hurt that he didn't call me back after we were interrupted mid-conversation. I want to be important! I want the deep connection, when *I* want it. But you want it - back off until I want it.

Ugh.

All this relationship nonsense. How can I even think about being in one when I am still working on having a good one with myself? Can someone really walk alongside you and not tread all over you (either through them or me throwing myself under their feet). I suppose.

Still missing Billy.

Trying to do my photography stuff. I actually went and am printing a couple photos on good paper to see what they turn out like. $100 for three prints. That betta' be good! I am quite excited actually. Thing is though, what for? Why do I have this yearning to reach out and get my stuff out there? Would I ever make a living off it? Likely not. Then why? Maybe just to share my vision of the world I suppose. To see the beauty/craziness and let others see it through my eyes. Except the blind people of course. Ha.

And though I gave my notice about leaving my job things are actually going quite well there. I'm half time at two places and it works because I don't have to be completely committed to either. That about sums up my life I think. But two jobs, neither of which I care much about. And one longing to share images for what purpose? What the hell am I doing?

About Me

Living my life on a bumper sticker: Destined to be an Old Woman with No Regrets.
See also: Leo; burly girl; rock climber; artist-wanna-be; youngest of six; gassy girl; seeker of truth, laughter and beauty.