Tag Archives: cybersecurity

Last night, when I was swatting at a mosquito, I thought to myself, “I should probably run to the hardware store to get a blowtorch, because that would be the best and most efficient way to kill this here mosquito, and also while I’m at it, I might be able to use it to fix the leaky faucet.” This approach to killing a mosquito and solving other unrelated problems is similar to the way New York Assemblyman Jim Conte, a Republican (DUH) from Long Island, is taking on the important issue of people saying mean things to children, businesses, and elected officials under the cover of anonymity on the Internet: through taking a blow torch to the whole Constitution. Because why NOT make it illegal for YOU to say stupid shit under a fake name, especially given that HE’s so willing to say stupid shit under his real name and all? Read more on New York Assemblyman Wants You To Sign Your Mean Internet Posts About New York Assemblymen…

The House of Representatives gave a thundering seal of approval on Thursday to a delightful American version of a News of the World-style private information-stealing initiative except that because it is the American version, it must be bigger and more hairy and makes it particularly not illegal for armies of nosy trolls to collect and search warrant-free through private Internet communications as long as the troll is seated at a computer located in a federal agency office building. The bill, CISPA, is being sold by its bipartisan sponsors with the usual doses of constipated hollering about Chinese spying, which it proposes to solve in part by authorizing mass U.S. spying, on its own citizens. Read more on House Votes to Fight Chinese Spying on Americans With American Spying on Americans…

Narcissistic bozo drag queen Rick Perry is officially running for President of Are You Fucking Serious? here in this great nation of ours that has been “out of ideas” about who to put in the White House since 1980, an exciting decision that gives the green light to media outlets everywhere to examine just how grotesquely incompetent this pandering idiot really is before declaring him the only “viable” candidate in the GOP presidential race. What have we learned about Rick Perry so far this morning? As governor of Texas, Rick Perry invited Chinese telecom giant Huawei to do business in his state after national security experts from both the Obama and W. administrations told everyone, “do not even open these guys’ emails because they are spies.” Perry not only opened, but he clicked 86 times, forwarded it to his entire contact list and then traveled to China with taxpayer money to personally tell Huawei, “come stay at my house if you need to send out a few more of these.” Hey guys, at least China writes back and offers some money once in a while, unlike God, said Rick Perry. Read more on Rick Perry Running for U.S. President of Chinese Cyber Espionage…

America’s economy has expanded for the first time in four quarters, presumably by exchanging the four quarters in for a dollar. [AP]
An online anthology of song lyrics that do not quite merit away message status—”Twitter”—is America’s only successful business. [Reuters]
Read more on The Twitter Industry, Comprised Solely Of Website Twitter.com, Saves American Economy Forever…