Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Cookie Monster

By PaulyLos Angeles, CA

"Why is Eric Clapton playing inside an Indian restaurant?"

There was silence for a few seconds while we watched images of Eirc Clapton strumming along on an acoustic guitar as a full orchestra of Indian musicians were playing at the Royal Albert Hall. It took a few seconds before Nicky began to laugh.

We were watching a bit of the heavy-handed Beatles coverage on VH1 Classic. They were stretching a bit and aired a Concert for George, which celebrated George Harrison one year after his death.

"I want cookies," said Nicky.

Although it was 11pm, for Nicky it was late-afternoon. Her latest writing assignment has her up until 6am or 7am every day, sometimes later. Me? I was at the tail end of a long day, heck it's been a long week. I was up at the dawn writing and editing and trying to maintain my sanity while monumentally distracted trying to put together a strategy for our fantasy football team. The draft was scheduled for 7pm on Tuesday, but they opened up the draft 36 hours earlier in order to speed up our 16 round draft.

"I want cookies," she said.

"And I want a blowjob."

* * * * *

It looked like Huey Lewis was riding a bicycle across the parking lot of 7/11. Usually in L.A. if someone looks like a celebrity, they usually are that person. But it couldn't be possible. Huey Lewis wearing a wifebeater and peddling a bicycle down La Cienega? No way.

He pulled right up to the front of the store and didn't bother to lock up his bicycle. He just leaned it up against the window in the same spot where a homeless person usually stands during the day begging everyone who walks out of 7/11 for spare change.

I held the door open for the guy I thought was Huey Lewis and caught a close-up glimpse. To my disappointment, it wasn't one of my favorite 80s pop singers. Rather it was a tweaker in search of ice cream. He made a beeline for the freezer and inspected three different cartons of Ben & Jerry's ice cream. I slid into the back aisle and grabbed a bag of nachos, then wandered down the cookies aisle. I found a bag of Famous Amos chocolate chip cookies for Nicky.

The guy in front of me had two cartons of Nibs, chocolate milk, and some sort of bag of gourmet chips. Yep, only stoners and tweakers go to 7/11 just before Midnight.

I also picked up a bag of Pepperidge Farm cookies. I opted for something called Taiti Cookies. It even came with an explanation on the packaging.... "A rich layer of chocolate bliss lies between two golden coconut cookies. Enjoy a little tropical getaway in every bite."

Fuck yeah. I tore into the bag as soon as I left the store. The walk back to the apartment is less than three blocks. In that short time, I passed a small field of sunflowers that were taller than me and an apartment building with a terrace that contains a huge birdcage so whenever you walk buy, you can hear caged birds begging to be let out. And while I walked that short trip, I devoured a half of a bag of Tahitis.