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I looked over at the clock on my nightstand. “1:13 a.m.,” it said.​I tossed and turned. After what seemed like an hour or more, I looked at it again.

“1:34 a.m.”

Yet another sleepless night in a string of four (or was it more?), a symptom of the turmoil I had faced over the last few weeks.

My mind drifted. I started thinking about how to change things. What could I do to end this misery? Certainly, there had to be something. What was I missing?

Dear God, help me.

Speaking of God, where is he? It seemed he was everywhere but where I needed him most. It’s as though he was on the other side of the world. Why doesn't he talk to me anymore? Sometimes, I wonder if I ever heard him at all.

Was this my fault? I wasn’t sure, but it had to be something I did, or shouldn’t have done. The loneliness was proof.

You don’t have faith.

What is faith, anyway?Is it just waiting, hoping against hope that things will get better? Is it believing that everything is going to be alright—suddenly—as if nothing had ever happened?

What time is it now?

“1:53 a.m.,” the clock said. I could almost hear it laughing.

It was going to be a long night.

God, are you there?

For a long time, I doubted the goodness of God because I saw little evidence of His power in my life. Though I called myself a Christian, I was still unhappy and in bad relationships. I was still broke and miserable. I didn’t understand.

​I believed He was real. I prayed. I told myself He was going to look out for me. But from my view, God didn’t always hold up His end of the deal. To make it worse, people who didn’t believe in God and Jesus seemed to be happier. They had more fun, more money, and more friends.

But then there was always that one little lady in church, who walked around with a smile on her face and a song in her heart. I wondered what she knew that I didn’t. Maybe it comes with age. She gave me hope that one day, I would have that same kind of peace too.

Finally, I had had enough. When my frustration reached its peak, I asked God, “Are you there? Because if you are, I can’t tell. Well, are you?”

I didn’t get a response. At least, not right away.​

Whoever has ears, let them hear.

Not long after that, and desperate to hear from God, I picked up my bible. An older man in my church had once told me to start with the New Testament. And so, I did. I must admit, I didn’t expect to get much out of it. I had heard the Christmas story as well as some of the other events that came early in the first book. But it wasn’t long before I ran across something new.

In the book of Matthew, Jesus is talking to a crowd of people and tells a story about a farmer planting seed. He references different types of seed, and what happens to them after they are planted.

“Listen! A farmer went out to plant some seeds. As he scattered them across his field, some seeds fell on a footpath, and the birds came and ate them. Other seeds fell on shallow soil with underlying rock. The seeds sprouted quickly because the soil was shallow. But the plants soon wilted under the hot sun, and since they didn’t have deep roots, they died. Other seeds fell among thorns that grew up and choked out the tender plants. Still other seeds fell on fertile soil, and they produced a crop that was thirty, sixty, and even a hundred times as much as had been planted! Anyone with ears to hear should listen and understand.” (Matthew 13 3b-9)

But the impact didn’t come until a few verses later when Jesus explains the story to His disciples:

“Now listen to the explanation of the parable about the farmer planting seeds: The seed that fell on the footpath represents those who hear the message about the Kingdom (of God) and don’t understand it. Then the evil one comes and snatches away the seed that was planted in their hearts. The seed on the rocky soil represents those who hear the message and immediately receive it with joy. But since they don’t have deep roots, they don’t last long. They fall away as soon as they have problems or are persecuted for believing God’s word. The seed that fell among the thorns represents those who hear God’s word, but all too quickly the message is crowded out by the worries of this life and the lure of wealth, so no fruit is produced. The seed that fell on good soil represents those who truly hear and understand God’s word and produce a harvest of thirty, sixty, or even a hundred times as much as had been planted!" (Matthew 13:18-23)

Jesus tells us people fall into these categories:

Those who hear God’s message but don’t understand it or accept it.

People who initially embrace God’s message but don’t develop a strong foundation. This causes them to give up and fall away when trouble comes.

Those who believe but allow the worries of the world—the things that matter most to human beings—to become more important than God. They choose to chase after what the world values and move God down on the list of priorities.

These people hear God’s message, receive it, live it, and experience peace and joy you can’t get anywhere else.

Then it hit me.

​I was somewhere among people in the second and third groups. I wasn’t being proactive about developing my relationship with God. My faith was shallow and withered in times of difficulty and life's problems smothered my belief in God’s power. Most of all, I wasn't close enough to Him to feel His presence or hear what He was saying. ​

God works in mysterious ways.

​Another reason I didn’t see much evidence of God’s work in my life is that I didn’t understand how He works. God doesn’t always work the way we want Him to.

Another popular scripture says: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not depend on your own understanding.” (Proverbs 3:5 NLT)

It comes down to believing and trusting God—even when you can’t see what He’s doing—and having the faith that His plan for you is better than the one you have for yourself.

Having a relationship with Jesus Christ isn’t going to shelter you from pain or tough times. Your marriage may not always be perfect. You may not always have plenty of money. You may not live to be a hundred years old. We aren't going to get everything the way we want it.

But when you choose to have that relationship, God will give you peace like you’ve never had before. When problems arise—and they will—you can face them with confidence, knowing that the God of the universe is on your side. The more you invest in God, the more you’ll see His work firsthand.

Are you taking time to connect with God? Are you reading the Bible? Are you praying every day? Are you making the decisions He wants you to make or the ones you want to make? Are you giving up on Him when life gets tough?

What kind of seed are you? Taking the time to figure it out could mean fewer sleepless nights.

Become a member of The Desert Walker.

Chris, I go through periods were I feel the same as you do. Waiting in His time is the most difficult thing one can do. When I reflect on my past I can see how God clearly had a hand in my situation,but could not see my answer while living in it. Even after all these years of living I still can be impatient. Thanks for writing this. John

Reply

Chris

12/6/2017 09:35:10 pm

Hi, John. Thanks for leaving a comment here.

You make a good point about using your past to see how God works in your personal situation. Another reason to stay focused on the big picture.

Chris, I got goosebumps as I read this. This is the third time Matthew 13 has come across my path in the last couple of days, and the application you made here is right along the line of things the Lord has been laying on my heart through it during prayer. Thanks for sharing!

Reply

Chris

12/12/2017 12:56:57 pm

Rachel,

Thanks for reading! That's another way we get peace - when God confirms the message He has for us.