Sunday, August 28, 2016

237. Moving on.

I’m not great at ending relationships. I’ve broken up with a few girls, and a few have broken up with me. I’ve traveled down the bumpy road where you try to define what relationship you will have going forward. It hasn’t always worked out well. I spent a good year or two after my high school relationship clawing at something that wasn’t there anymore. It took me almost as long to fully move on from my last serious-serious girlfriend.

I think the problem with those times was that we didn’t have ending points. My high school one ebbed and flowed through summers, late-night phone calls, and facebook messages where you spill your guts. With my last one, we had some closure on the final night I was in Boston, but it dragged out through the next year. I will say that a lot of that was my fault.

This morning I had brunch with an ex-girlfriend. (Though, I hate that term. It feels so nasty.) I could say that it was a girl I was in a relationship with. We ended it, but we have still remained friends. I know that’s a cliche, but we’ve enjoyed each other’s company throughout the summer.

I’d wondered about how much we should be hanging out. There really hadn’t been temptation to get back into things romantically. However, I was still vigilant about keeping an appropriate distance between us. I sort of knew the drill for today. We’d catch up on things and then go on our way. The morning ended differently than I expected though.

We walked by the river afterwards. She apologized for a few things in the relationship. I know it’s bad writing to not go into details here. All I’ll say is that it was something that was a hard hurdle to climb over in our relationship and it was a factor in the breakup. She apologized for the issue. I told her the apology wasn’t necessary, but I was glad she brought it up.

There are fleeting moments where you wonder if you’ll reunite with someone you dated. I had those over the course of the summer, but I always responded to those thoughts with a, “If we were meant to be together, than we’d be together.” It worked. I’d felt lonely numerous times over the summer and wondered if that meant I should get back with her, but loneliness isn’t a good reason to get back with someone.

To finish this up, this morning felt like a good non-closure, closure. We both have been seeing other people and I think it’s for the best for both of us. I think perfect closure is a fantasy. It rarely happens the way we’d like it to. Sometimes we think it will end with an FU and other times we think it will end with a hug. Sometimes it just ends with a conversation you didn’t think you were going to have. But they all happen.

I’ve also been on a third date with someone. That hasn’t happened in a while. I like her. It’s good to put some things behind and move forward.