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Thursday, April 9, 2009

YAY! I have an internet connection today! I tried to write a blog post last night and kept getting kicked offline. I'm so not computery; I really hate when that happens. How are you supposed to know if it's your internet service, your router, your browser, or your computer? I have no clue! Instead of trying to figure it out, I just got all depressed I couldn't connect to the cyber world and sulked off to bed. I guess that's one way to get me to bed before 2:00AM. And despite the fact that I got in bed at 8:30 last night and fell asleep before 11:00, I still had a hard time dragging my butt out of bed at 8:00 this morning. I will just never be a morning person. My parents really gave me the wrong name.

Anyway, I've recovered from the 15 radio interviews I did on Tuesday. I managed to get up at 5:30 AM and by 10:00AM I was almost completely awake. I locked myself in the bathroom to do the interviews in peace and quiet and I didn't throw up even once, so they went well in my book! Now I've got a few writing assignments I absolutely need to get done this week so I've got guest posts lined up for today and tomorrow. Please bear with me. I'll be back in full force next week!

Today I have a guest post from Jen Singer, from MommaSaid, Good Housekeeping's Good Grief Blog, and author of STOP SECOND-GUESSING YOURSELF, The Toddler Years (A Field-Tested Guide to Confident Parenting)

Jen, tell me, what’s the hardest part about transitioning from babyhood to toddlerhood?

Mobility and your toddler’s increasingly strong urge to ditch Mommy and go check out that butterfly/puddle/cupcake/dog/etc. It’s a never ending effort to balance your child’s curiosity and learning with safety and the attempt to get places on time – and without a temper tantrum. In short, the toddler years are a lot like Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride: harrowing, yet often amusing, and always full of surprises.

Mobility! Yes, that's highly over-rated. I remember urging and coaxing my first son to walk. I couldn't wait for him to take those first independent steps. Things changed by the time my sixth baby came along, however. Every time she attempted to stand up, I pushed her back down.

What’s the biggest mistake that parents of toddlers make?

Attempting to get through Target at naptime is one of them. Not expecting the unexpected is another. After I found myself at a Halloween party attempting to change one toddler’s diaper, even though he was in a dragon costume without snaps, while monitoring another toddler who was reaching for a plate full of cupcakes half a room away, I learned to lower my expectations. Toddlerhood was still a crazy, exhausting time for me, but at least I knew it should be.

What do moms say is the most difficult part of parenting toddlers?

Potty training is the most labor intensive milestone of toddlerhood, by far. You have to be involved and entertaining and helpful without pushing your toddler into total disinterest in potty training. It’s part science, part art and all up to your toddler, no matter how hard you work. Knowing how to walk the fine line between using rewards and encouragement and letting your toddler take the lead is the key to successful potty training. That, and a whole lot of patience.

Oh yes! Potty training! I've certainly become more relaxed about that over the years. I figure Brooklyn will be potty trained by the time she leaves for college...

How can you run a playdate or playgroup without all the mama drama?

If you’re hosting a playdate or a playgroup, understand that, like it or not, your mothering skills are on display for all the other moms, and vice versa. But you can nip the urge to compete in a mothering competition with a few simple tips, including:1. Hide your toddler’s favorite toy. That way you’ll avoid a tug-of-war (and its ensuing meltdown and your apology.)2. Don’t rush in to referee. Toddlers have amazingly short-term memories. If you wait just a little longer than you’d like to, one toddler just might find another shiny new toy and forget what she was in a tizzy about in the first place.3. Keep it short. An hour or two is long enough before everyone starts to get cranky (moms included.)

Good, sound advice, Jen! I was just going to suggest serving margaritas.

How can you run errands with a squirmy, active toddler in tow?

Remember that timing is everything. Think about it from your toddler’s perspective: it’s hard enough not having any say in what you do or where you go, but getting dragged to the furniture store at 9:00 p.m. on Friday night? Also, front-load the most important stops in case you have to cut your outing short due to crankiness.

What do moms need to know about keeping their toddlers safe?

Our generation of mothers has taken safety preparation to all new levels, though not all of it is necessary or even useful – like the toilet latch my toddlers broke into like Houdini. I’m a fan of safety gates, particularly at the top of stairs, and of moving your breakables and anything smaller than your elbow (a.k.a. choking hazards) out of reach throughout toddlerhood.

How do you keep your toddler entertained?

The first step is to realize that you are not your toddler’s entertainment director. If you feel guilty for folding laundry because you’re not entertaining your toddler, something’s wrong. (I know. I’ve been there.) The sooner you teach your child to entertain herself, the better it is for her – and you – down the road. One of my favorite ways to get a toddler to entertain herself is to lay out the Tupperware on the kitchen floor and put her in the middle of it. Sure, it requires some cleaning later on, but it’s worth it if you’re able to get something done – or even to sit down for a while.

How do you handle the Terrible Two’s?

Here’s a secret: Sometimes Terrible Two’s starts before age two. Sometimes, it hits at four and sometimes not at all. In general, toddlers are an unpredictable lot. They can go from sweet to sour (and super-cranky) in no time flat. The key is to predict and diffuse. If, for instance, you know your toddler is going to have a canary because his cousin just touched his favorite Elmo doll, swoop in and distract him with something better, like a new and, therefore, more attractive toy, a snack, or when all else fails—dare I say—a video.

Here's my question - when do they grow out of the Terrible Twos because I know a certain 14-year-old.....

What are some of the “Milestones You Don’t Want to Share with Grandma”?

These are the things nobody told you about – and you probably don’t want to tell anyone about. Some of the most typical include: Opens, Closes, Locks, and Unlocks Doors, Stuffing Things up Noses and into Ears and Toilet Games, where the commode doubles as a boat landing or toy flusher. Take heart: These are common, and you can handle them, once you learn how. I cover these and five others and what to do about them in the book. One tip: Keep a key to the house and your cell phone in your pocket or a key hidden outside in case your toddler decides to try the lock when you step outside for a minute.

If you could give mothers of toddlers one bit of advice, what would it be?

I love it. Wish I had heard some of it before my first child who locked me out of the house on occasion. I think my fave advice is the safety. I do believe we overreact sometimes. My husband and I put locks just on the cabinets we knew she shouldn't be in, but kept enough open that she never even tries anymore for the others...picked up breakables and everything else is just like it always has been. I have friends that think I don't care, it isn't that I don't care...I just try not to panic!!!

Thanks, Jen, for the tips and advice! I think this is exactly the book I need! My library doesn't have it in yet, so I'd love to win it. My daughter is 21 months old, and drives me crazy sometimes...and then she smiles and says "mommy pretty," and asks for a kiss.

Dawn, I love your blog. Also thanks for introducing me to a few other refreshing mom blogs and guest bloggers. I have a 25 month old and I love getting practical mom-tested advice. A copy of the book would be good too:)

My first boy is now a toddler, what a handful compared to the girls. Would love to win! Also, am loving your book, Dawn, and have to be careful when I read it in bed after my husband is asleep, because I never know when I'm going to burst out laughing! Loved the entry about the child who sneaks in your room at night and puts their face close to yours until you wake up. I have one of those, and I'm sure she's heard a few expletives when I wake up!Happy Easter, Laura

I hope that "Stop Second Guessing Yourself" helps all you moms of toddlers out there who are pulling their kids off the kitchen table (how in the world?!) and, like my sister-in-law, finding toy trucks in the fridge.

Love this post, need to check out the book! About reaching the middle of the table? Also applies to the top of the stove. We had recently moved into a new apartment and still had boxes around. Our not yet 3 year old monkey, I mean son, moved a box from the living room, into the kitchen, climbed it, then onto the stove top all because he wanted the salt and pepper shakers.

My 3 year old son has just started the "scream his request really loud and high pitched over and over again when he doesn't get what he wants the second he asks for it" phase. This coupled with my 6 month old daughter who is in the "curious about everything aka put EVERYTHING in my mouth" stage is driving me insane. I would love this book to read if I ever get a second for myself...LOL...Ah, the joys of being a SAHM!

Some good tips there. I think the one that shows the most is LEARNING. I think a lot of moms out there forget that we're learing along with our little ones and that makes for a huge amount of frustration. Patience is also to be considered. I'm seriously lacking here. Any tips on how to gain more?

Daddy forgot to engage the kid lock on the front door ONE day, when I got home from someplace I'd been (and by myself, too!) Imagine my surprise to see my son standing in the driveway to greet me because he'd seen my car coming down the street from the front window, and thought it would be a good idea to greet me. He also let the dog out with that stunt, so not only was he in trouble for opening the door by himself, but he didn't tell anyone the dog snuck out and we didn't realize it until we looked around and asked 'Where's the dog?'

Even I've let the dog out by accident, so he didn't get in trouble for what the dog did...

this sounds like a book I need! although I was somewhat successful in raising 2 children through the toddler years, the third one is giving me a run for my money. case in point.....27.I just retrieved 27 Matchbox cars from the toilet. he sure is showing an interest in potty training;) lol

Oh, pick me! Pick me! I've heard that having a dog is like having a perpetual toddler (our little spawnling isn't toddling yet, so I am only experienced with the dog side just yet). However, I always figured there was a big difference... I can crate train the dog. :)

full toddler mode (18 months) here...im trying to invent a house that has higher than a toddler can go level while still within adult reach...i feel like a shaker - hanging everything from the middle of the walls so my floor is empty (well of dangerous to HIM things - i'll probably die tripping on some dang toy) :)

Love your blog Dawn, It keeps me in stitches. I have two grown children and I am now taking care of my 20 month old grandson. It's been 20 years since I've taken care of little ones. It seems I've forgotten so much. I really need this book. Potty training is on the horizon. Please pick me...

I absolutely LOVE your blog. I will be getting your book next month and I cant wait to read it... I remember your e bay auction that started it all, plus I have been reading your blog for almost 2 years now, so I can only imagine what I am in for with your book! Thanks for the awesome daily read!

I'm sending my niece a link to this post, she's got a two year old & a six month old. It brought back some great memories to me too (now that they're adults themselves, and less likely to lock themselves in the bathroom;)

I picked the perfect day to read this. Within a span of 10 minutes the 11 month old was suspiciously quiet-until she spit the two quarters out of her mouth.Then, she went swimming in the dog bowl. But hey, the floor needed mopping anyway. Which she took care of by crawling around it in her wet clothes. (I was gonna get around to mopping it someday...)I can only imagine what the next few years will bring. Fortunately, I'm learning everything I need to know about parenting from Dawn. I don't sweat the small stuff. If Brooklyn can survive on ketchup for a day, surely my kid can survive on avocado, strawberry and cheese for a day. Thanks for making me a calmer parent!

We wanted a little over 5 years for our second child, and so I feel like I lost all memory of what my son as a toddler was like. Not too mention that I went back to work full-time with him, and with her I'm working at home. I think I'll need to read this book - of course, after I'm done with your's, Dawn.

I love those questions and answers... having fortunately gone through most of those stages :) Sometimes sailing through and sometimes drowning. And yes, terrible twos are still ongoing with 3 1/2 year old Little Miss!

A shout out to all you moms who made it through the holiday weekend with a toddler (or several toddlers) in tow. I watched my cousin's 15 month old stick her hands in anything chocolate and eye level, and my 2 1/2 year old nephew squeeze himself between the couch and the tipsy table of breakables. And I'm tired!

So to all you moms out there keeping your toddlers from diving head first into the desserts and knocking over Grandma's fine tchotchkes, I bow to you.

This was great!I would love to win a copy of the book. My own kids are moving out of *toddler* and into preschool age but I do daycare in my home and always have little people around. Hope I'm not too late with a comment to enter!Michele

I've received 2 great pieces of advise about the toddler "no." 1) It is the only way they have of taking control in a world that is completely out of their control. 2) They are testing everyone they tell "no" to in order to figure out the shape of their universe. In my own 2 1/2 yr old, it is his way of buying a little time to figure out what he really wants while the adults impatiently tap their toes and try to bend him to their will. It's amusing when i can stand back and look at it as if i'm a sociologist.