Someone should get Cameron Diaz on the phone and tell her we need a 2nd edition of The Body Book that includes an amendment to the vagina chapter (what am I saying? The whole book is the vagina chapter). Shailene Woodley, the health food store hippie version of Jennifer Lawrence with the trailer park-sounding name, has recently come forward with some very important information regarding the health of your hoo-hoo.

In an interview with Into The Gloss, Shay-Lean burped out a ton of patchouli-scented beauty and health tips, like eating clay to cleanse your body of metals (homeopathic ho, PLEASE), as well as this one about keeping your chocha happy by giving it the Tan Mom treatment:

“Another thing I like to do is give my vagina a little vitamin D. I was reading an article written by an herbalist I studied about yeast infections and other genital issues. She said there’s nothing better than vitamin D. If you’re feeling depleted, go in the sun for an hour and see how much energy you get. Or, if you live in a place that has heavy winters, when the sun finally comes out, spread your legs and get some sunshine.”

No, Shay-Lean! Unless you’re trying to achieve subtle, natural highlights by spraying your pubes with Sun-In, you shouldn’t be popping your pussy into direct sunlight! How irresponsible of you, Shay-Lean; you never ONCE mention the use of SPF 200 lube; do you want everyone to get skin cancer of the clit? Or at the very least, a terrible sunburn that will start to peel and flake off and make it look like an old snake is shedding in your panties? Although I’m sure she has some kind of off-the-grid holistic use for old flaky pussy skin (“Use pussy flakes instead of deodorant or bake them in the oven for a tasty snack!”)

Here’s more of Shay-Lean at the Hollywood Walk of Fame induction ceremony for Kate Winslet, and frankly I’m shocked that she’s wearing a fancy dress and not a formal drug rug with a pair of Vibram FiveFingers.

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