Fear.

So, basically tonights the night that I was planning on finally ending my life.

For some reason, I don't think I have the strength to do it because the last thing I want to do, is leave my loved ones feeling the way I feel everyday. I'm scared because I set a date. I know that if anything goes wrong, I'll think that's it some sort of sign that's telling me "You set the date for a reason, no turning back."

I don't know what has changed my mind. Maybe it's the fact that complete strangers are finding to be helpful, maybe it's the fact that I don't want to leave my loved ones, maybe it's the fact that I want to succeed in a better future. I WANT to try, I WANT to succeed. I just still don't know how. I'm only going through the motions. I still feel like complete garbage. I'm sort of very angry that I changed my mind because I know I'll regret it soon enough.

I was once told "You're such a failure that you've failed at suicide." I feel that way. What's so wrong with my life? Why don't I know what being happy is? I just want to get better, but what is "better."

The fact you have changed your mind and want to carry on fighting is hugely important.

From where I stand, the only time someone fails is when they stop trying. You are still trying to live and that makes you successful at fighting. It also makes you hugely strong.

The majority of people DO not succeed in killing themself, for a variety of reasons. Its all about perception. I personally think you're successful at still fighting.

Could you maybe do something tonight to help you keep safer given you know its not something you want? Could you maybe sleep over at someone's house? Maybe a friend? Maybe go to hospital? Or plan something for tomorrow so that you know you have to be there to do/see that?

of course you don't want to cause pain to your loved ones and killing yourself will only do that pass on extreme pain and sadness. You want to teach them better coping skills once you have been taught yourself. don't pass on the sadness okay the way of suicide don't do that you can get well with meds with therapy and live that life you are so looking for. throw your dam dates away and start living okay for you and for your love ones with help it is possible

I think I know what you mean. Like, surviving an suicide attempt is the most embarassing thing I could think of. It's strange how other peoples' opinions can mean so much even when it comes to one's death.

Keep it going. Take one day at the time. Stay away from things you can harm yourself with.

The fact you have changed your mind and want to carry on fighting is hugely important.

From where I stand, the only time someone fails is when they stop trying. You are still trying to live and that makes you successful at fighting. It also makes you hugely strong.

The majority of people DO not succeed in killing themself, for a variety of reasons. Its all about perception. I personally think you're successful at still fighting.

Could you maybe do something tonight to help you keep safer given you know its not something you want? Could you maybe sleep over at someone's house? Maybe a friend? Maybe go to hospital? Or plan something for tomorrow so that you know you have to be there to do/see that?

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I haven't really thought about what I would do tonight.

My mom usually hears my cries now. She no longer ignores them because she knows what I'm thinking. I think that if anything, she would come to my rescue. She has changed. I think that's another reason I want to stay. She ACTUALLY cares, but how long will this act of love last?

Maybe she always cared she just didn't know how to show it, or didn't think you wanted her to show it or something, and now she knows you need her she is more able to and happier to show her love for you. I would expect and hope, that as you are her child she will love you forever more, nd she has loved you forever.

I'm so glad that you cancelled your suicide plan Sam. No one truly wants to die. We just want a solution to our problems and see suicide as a way out. And it makes you a winner (not a failure) in my book, that you chose to live. Never give up. :hug: