your silence will not protect you

Almost Three Years Later

Yesterday (11 Oct) was National Coming Out Day, which caused me to think about my late cousin. She was the first family member I came out to and the second person I told overall, and she insisted my parents would still love me if I was able to fall in love with women. I miss her every day. She was so easy to talk to and never judged me for whatever crazy shenanigans I was getting myself into.

Anywho, I didn’t write anything new to celebrate National Coming Out Day, but I attached the link to the post that includes the texts I sent to my cousin about my sexuality here. Unfortunately, I didn’t include her responses…I’m sure I have them on my old phone or laptop, but I don’t have those items with me now.

For other “coming out” posts, you can just search that phrase on my website. There is a variety of poetry, stories, and blogs about my journey, which has been difficult and long…it doesn’t feel over either. Since the relationship that spurred me to come out in the first place ended two years ago now (wow, time flies), and since I’ve moved out of the house for most months of the year due to university, I sometimes feel like my sexuality has been…erased.

Conversations about my sexuality stopped while I was dating my ex, but it didn’t stop because they were accepting of me necessarily. The conversations stopped because I had claimed that I had broken up with the woman I was in love with, the woman that they didn’t like. That didn’t end the tension and suspicion from my parents, though.

Additionally, I haven’t felt much like a sexual being in awhile. I haven’t been romantically or sexually interested in anyone since March/April, which I guess isn’t that long ago but…I miss that feeling. I miss feeling attractive to someone and I miss romance…the idea of falling in love sounds so foreign to me lately, especially since my last attempts at it ultimately hurt me. Plus, if I ever meet someone and they identify as a woman…I’m sure that will reopen the can of worms that has been sealed for years with my parents. So…my coming out process probably isn’t over if I have to come out again. Hopefully it won’t go so badly because I’m older and maybe they’ll approve of my next significant other.

My piece of advice for coming out is if you are thinking about coming out, be sure that you have a support group there for you just in case. Thankfully, my parents didn’t kick me out, but I did leave several times due to the stress and high-tension atmosphere at home.