Is it cheating?

Long story - short. My ex-gf broke up with me (on Skype) one week after she left to 1.5 months vacation to her country.

I want to mention that although we had our problems and may be were not the perfect couple, we loved each other, and even had sex just one hour before she left (if it means something nowadays).

My point that she left as my "legitimate" girlfriend. So, after one week she asked me for time and space, which I unarguably accepted,

without begging, clinging or anything like this. So after that we were not in contact for almost 4 weeks (I also went abroad for 2 weeks during this time) and respected what she asked for (although I was dying to talk with her, couldn't stop thinking about her for a second, was going to toilet with my phone and frankly was even crying...but she didn't know anything of this).

So eventually, I came to airport to meet her, naively thinking she will be nicely surprised,

but she came back with her last X-bf (from last 3 years relationship, by the way she always swear to me that there is nothing left between them). \

Day after I get known (from her mum) that she also (accidentally and probably unwanted) pregnant from him.

Day after she called me crying saying she is confused, don't know what happened and saying that she didn't cheated on me.

Also she accused me that all this happened, because I so easily accepted her break up suggestion and didn't contact her all this time - she felt unwanted and pushed away.

So my question are:

1) Does she has a point - did I contribute to this mess ? Apparently if I was acting differently all of this might not have been happen. On the other hand, I simply repsected her wish.

2) Is she cheated on me ? Again, apparently, not - she asked for a break and during this time she is a free person and can do whatever she wants with whoever she wants. But still, for some reason - I feel cheated.

I was expecting from her at least to talk to me, before she decided to get back to her last boyfriend.

Apparently she owes me nothing, but still, is it too much to ask from someone who just few weeks ago was talking about having children together ?

Most Helpful Guy

I don't know much about relationships but from my friends telling me about stuff like this id say its not your fault. She broke up with you. She went to her X-bf and got pregnant. Basicly she made the choice and you can't take blame for her choices she's possibly just scared because well she is pregnant and accidently if I remember correctly. But you do deserve for her to at least talk to you about it. But if you still love her and think it's worth it try to help her.

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Asker

It is already one month passed and we still didn't talk (at all in anyway). She tried to call me few times at the beginning, but I ignore her calls. Not cause I didn't want to talk to her, but I wanted her to come and talk to my eyes and not to hide behind the phone and disconnect when it is inconvenient for her. She didn't have a courage to look into my eyes, or most likely she never cared about me like she used to tell me. Talk is cheap. Or may be It was too much to expect from her ?

What Girls Said 7

1. No, what happened here was not your fault. She asked for a break and you tried to be mature about it and give her what she wanted. If she based her behavior on your reaction to her wanting a break, I see that as "playing games" and trying to "test" you, rather than just talking to you about whatever issue was on hand. In the end, I think she feels guilty and is trying to shift the blame on you, either to make herself feel better or to try to prevent you from getting mad at her (or both).

2. Technically, she didn't cheat on you if the two of you weren't together when this happened, but what she did was still sh*tty, particularly if she wanted to remain friends with you or potentially get back together with you after working out whatever issues made her ask for "time and space" to begin with.

Honestly, I would cut this girl loose and move on. She acted in a way that was uncaring and selfish, and now that she's pregnant with her ex-boyfriend's baby, the only thing that will come from a friendship or relationship with her will likely be drama.

1)NO you didn't contribute by not contacting her. I hate it when people want you to read their mind them blame you if you can't. BAD situation.

2)SHe was a fool and jumped in the sack with another guy in her self inflicted "weak moment". You feel cheated because you shared an intimate relationship with this woman and now she's with someone else.

I'm sorry you're hurting and hope I don't sound hateful but I think you should be greatful she's not raising your kids. She needs some professional help.

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Asker

A months passed, I never talked with her since then. Had a lot of time to think - and realized how right you were ! Indeed, I am lucky...if it wouldn't happen now, it would happen later and then it would be much more painful.

1) No she has no point, regardless of what you could or would of said she'd probably find some argument to it and make excuses for why she still wants a break.

2) Because she broke up with you then I guess it wasn't technically "cheating" but that does NOT make it okay in my opinion. She got herself into this mess and when people do things like this its really not your fault. She controls her own actions and is the judge of herself, she chose to do what she did and she has to deal with her own mess.

If I were you I would completely stop talking to her and try your best to move on because it seems like all your going to get if you stay with her is drama and a baby that isn't yours. I'm really sorry you're even going through this, and as hard as it is, you seriously should leave.