HAPPY NEW YEAR, GUNG HAY FAT CHOY! Wishing you well for the Year of the Ox: Health, happiness, and prosperity!

We are spending the week in Toronto to celebrate. Had dinner with my mother, the Chinese Squawking Chicken gets loudest on this occasion. Want to see her New Year outfit?

It’s a new classic.

She’s been harping about it for weeks. On the phone – you HAVE to see what I have planned for New Yeardinner. We were instructed to photograph her all night long. Not sure if the photos do justice. It was orange and bedazzled all the way to Beijing. The front of the blouse was crazy sequined…which MATCHES her nasty ass sparkly nails. Not fakeys either. And the back…the back is my mother’s motto.

Don’t Forget Me.

How could we?

So anyway, we were at dinner, then we went to Temple which means I missed the SAGs. Few things take precedence over gossip. Chinese New Year is one of them. So I’m still catching up. But the photos…the photos tell the story. Many photos and commentary to follow.

Suffice to say however, Oscar will be a tight race. Perhaps tightest race in years with Meryl’s win setting up a very hotly contested Best Oscar showdown between the Streep, the Winslet, and perhaps the Princess Hathaway squeaking in as a tie breaker. Also, clearly, Sean Penn is still winning the industry popularity contest. Mickey has a month to campaign. Drama!

Slumdoggggggggg!!!

Would you believe it though that something happened this weekend that actually eclipsed the SAGs? High waisted country Porny at the country fair.

For real. It’s only January 26th but already, these are my favourite pictures of the year. More on that later.

Long column today. Please note: SCROLL DOWN, click VIEW MORE ARTICLES to get caught up on it all. You can also click here to get all the SAG coverage in one place.

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

PS. What kind of Xenu bribe had to happen for Katie Holmes to present Best Actor? As if.

Jessica Alba was nominated for multiple Razzies last week despite ongoing efforts at wooing the MiniVan and playing like she’s civic minded. I wrote at the time: How long before the Alba Cow rushes out new photos of herself playing with her daughter to try and erase from public minds the memory of these Razzie noms? I say the weekend. Full Story

Remember Angelina Jolie’s bitchface at the Critics’ Choice Awards when Anne Hathaway started dithering on stage? Angie is a novice compared to the legendary Sophia Loren. Here in Rome today with Daniel Day-Lewis on the set of Nine – the longest shoot ever!?!? – treating us to a clinic on how to give face. Full Story

And there is no pleasure in saying this. Because he’s supposed to be a sweet kid…when he’s not flailing his ego about and pissing on the movie version of the tv show that made him. But it’s true. Michael Cera’s Paper Heart ate it at Sundance. Touted as one of the most highly anticipated films at the film festival, Paper Heart ended up falling flat. Full Story

Paris Fashion Week – Christian Dior. Reigning Best Actress and my girl crush Marion Cotillard arrives all subtle gorgessity, the current face of Lady Dior, with the innate French ability to capture a look that suits the moment. She is extraordinary and we must worship her. And look what the D List dragged in. Full Story

As repeated too many times, my friend Michelle has a thing about sateen. It makes her crazy. Michelle is a tv producer. Sateen looks terrible on television and in photographs. So unflattering. Lumps where there are no lumps. Even Victoria Beckham. Here’s Posh arriving at LAX yesterday surprisingly underdressed by her standards. Full Story

The Lohan hags were in New York this weekend shopping for the paps. Ali Lohan desperately needs a job, obviously. Lilo’s efforts at promoting her sister however were wasted because the only thing anyone can focus on coming out of these photos is her alarming thinnification. Her arms and now her legs. Full Story

Am sad. Love Harry and Chelsy. But it’s over again. For now. Word is she made the call. Tired of waiting around for him while he’s up to his shenanigans in the army, desperately hoping to move back to Africa, willing herself to focus on her own studies, her own career, Chelsy broke up with Harry even though they’re both still in love… The timing is wrong. Full Story

You know the photo. The Classic Jessica Simpson High Waisted Photo. It made our lives. It continues to make our lives. On a rainy day. If work is the sh-ts. If your mother won’t get off your ass about sending her to Vegas for her birthday… There’s Porny in her pants giving us a reason to live again. Full Story

What is the point of Eva Longoria? What is the reason for Eva Longoria? Is there a reason for Eva Longoria? I don’t understand. Like, this dress. This dress, the colour, this colour is for food. Some food colours don’t belong on a dress. This food colour doesn’t belong on this dress. Full Story