U R A QT: Booty Call Failures.

If you know anything about me then you know that my cousin is my wild, red-headed other half. If you know this, than you also know that I am no stranger to waking up to senseless drunken text messages. For example this morning I woke up to this one, “Wannahumpyounmaleyoufeelbetter:)” Thanks Ellen I feel the same way about you, I think. Either way the message was received, but let’s talk about the messages that miss the boat. The one’s that upon reading them make you say, “What the fuck..”

Unfortunately I, along with most women, have a serious problem. I attract total tools. There’s one guy in particular that I have a mild history with. We’ve known each other since high school and when I was 17 I thought he was such a babe, and he really is but he also acts like a complete asshole. Since we’ve graduated he’s joined a “pop-punk” band and spends months at a time touring the country and introducing 15 year old girls to the wonders of skinny jeans. When he is in town (and not with his girlfriend) he’s attempting to booty call me, and FAILING at it. We will go months with out talking and then out of the blue i’ll receive a series of poorly planned disturbances.

A couple of weeks ago I was sitting in a Catholic church paying witness to the marriage of my older cousin and his long time girlfriend. My eyes were just beginning to water when I felt my phone vibrate. I peaked into my purse to see who was texting me and low and behold it was him. Wanna make out? You’re fucking kidding me, I’m in the house of God for Christ’s sake. After I left the ceremony the conversation continued.

ME: I’m at a wedding?

HIM: I don’t care come fuck

ME: No.

HIM: Cmon you want it

ME: No, that sounds awful

HIM: Youll like it

ME: No I promise you I won’t.

HIM: Send me a pic

ME: I’m at family wedding?

HIM: I wanna see that ass

Does anyone else see a problem here? I’m literally saying no and still he continues. Not only is he blatantly objectifying me but this has to be the laziest attempt to get into my pants to date. It is absolutely unbelievable to me that someone can simply ignore my no’s. This is a perfect example of that ridiculous, “No means yes” cliche. Maybe I’m the crazy one here, but being treated like a cheap whore isn’t one of my turn-ons. For a long time I would laugh off his text messages and still remain “friendly” with him. After a couple years of these ridiculous and annoying texts/calls I don’t think it’s very funny anymore.

He’s not the only one who acts like this, his actions are not unique to his age group or our culture in general. Last night my friend got a drunken text message from another boy she hasn’t spoken to since the summer. “What the fuck, Liz this dude just texted me and asked me if I wanted to make out with him. He has a girlfriend..” What is wrong with these little boys? When they fight with their girlfriends, they go get drunk. When they go get drunk they end up texting us for “easy” sex. In reality, the only thing they’re accomplishing is making complete asses out of themselves. Instead of trying to charm our pants off they’re being sickeningly honest. They’re skipping the schmoozing and going right for the smushing.

Are we really allowing men to talk to us like this? Instead of laughing it off and playing along we need to stand up and let them know that we on’t be spoken to like this. They’re skipping A,B,C, and D and starting at F. However, they’re not playing any games, they’re being completely honest with their intentions and yet we are more repulsed than if they were lying to us. If sending nude pictures and one sentence agreements for sex are the present, then what’s in store for dating’s future? Has sex become so tasteless and casual that men actually think it’s acceptable to ask us to come fuck? Or that we as women would rather be lied to than listen to their brutally honest intentions? Instead of sleeping with men under the guise that they’re interested in us, why can’t men just simply sleep with the girls they are actually interested in? As far as maintaining a friendship with the ones who choose to believe that you really are that easy, don’t. Don’t feel like you can’t get angry when someone’s degrading you. You don’t have to forgive creepy jerk-offs for being creepy jerk-offs on the basis that they were just drunk. You’re No’s mean NO, let them know that their message was received and make sure that yours is as well.