Sexy Sailors - Gay Erotic Stories

In "Sexy Sailors: Gay Erotic Stories, " editor Neil Plakcy has assembled a collection of odd and mostly disappointing short stories, all with a nautical theme.

The 15 tales about bonking on boats are mostly over-written prose offering too many extraneous details and plenty of worthless set-up before finally "getting to the good parts." The trouble is, even the good parts usually aren't very titillating.

In "Sailing Lessons" Aaron Michaels offers a long, detailed 10 pages of build-up, before a horny young man finally has two pages of hokey-pokey with his uncle's sailing instructor.

Grant, an American tourist, and Andrej the Croatian sailor engage in some naughty nautical maneuvers, and plenty of stilted dialogue, off the coast of Dubrovnik in Jay Starre's "Croatian Sail."

In one of the book's stranger contributions, Michael Bracken's "Let's Go Down to the Sea," two elderly lovers enjoy a final romp in a harbourside bar before Death shows up to take one of them away on his final voyage.

Some of the tales here are about as erotic and believable as an episode of "McHale’s Navy."

Not all of the stories are bad, however, and not all insist on using tired puns to describe the sex acts and tumescent body parts. In "Angel," the writer, Bearmuffin, describes a torrid encounter with a gorgeous young Greek man than turns into a permanent love affair. In "Landlocked Squid," two Navy buddies hook up with each other in a Vegas hotel room before a friend's wedding.

An Adonis-like college man plays matchmaker to arrange a shipboard liaison between his cousin and his best friend in Martin Delacroix's "My Friend Zeke."

"Red Alert: Weapons of Mass Erection," by Logan Zachary, strangely has Russian sailors arriving at a Duluth, Minnesota port, even though I'm guessing Russian ships aren't allowed 2,000 miles inside U.S. territorial waters. Once they arrive, the randy Ruskies get drunk and promptly skewer every man they encounter.

The final story, Gregory L. Norris' "The Ferryman" has a drowning young sailor riding across the River Styx, only to fight back against Death so that he can reunite with the gorgeous doctor he pines for on his Navy ship. Like many stories in this book, it's rather baffling and annoying.

If these were the best stories Plakcy could find for his collection, it makes you wonder about the rubbish he must have rejected. Some of the tales here are about as erotic and believable as an episode of "McHale's Navy."