July 20, 2010

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Los Angeles, CA (CHN): Entering Day 20
of a Caption Contest Crisis, the subscribers of the video website
"Funny or Die" have spoken and CHN has listened. So far, sources have
provided the following details in chronological order:

Day 1 (July 2nd, 2010)The
former FOD Caption Team, perhaps knowingly, posted it's final photo.
Few, if any, FOD members sensed the change in the air but change indeed
was coming. Hours passed, then days. Members stared at that poor horse
dressed up as a hamburger day after day with nothing but speculation as
to what might have happened to those entrusted with the sacred FOD
servers that hold captions known only but to God. Keibar (well known
for sporting FOD's top profile picture) hypothesized what many others
were afraid to say:

News Flash: The workers' walkout at the FOD
Cap Contest Dept., which started early last week, has spread to the
entire staff. Scabs from The New Yorker cap contest are expected to
arrive at LAX shortly and will take over operations. We'll keep you
posted.

But
what Keiber didn't tell us, what he couldn't have known, was that the
New Yorker team operated a different kind of caption contest; one that
hated 'funny'.

Day 6 (July 8th, 2010)After one of the toughest weeks in FOD caption contest history the new regime finally released a new photo:

FOD
members responded with praise and many a caption. The contest would go
on. One caption quickly rose above the rest and became an instant
classic:

"Assuming this picture stays up as long as the last one,welcome to shark week on FOD" (36 funnies / 7 dies)Rosedude

The
36 funnies crushed the competition and spoke for contestants far and
wide who "just wanted to vent and move on," according to Westsideslant,
who finished 2nd with a very respectable 25 funnies for his Chris
Hansen/Pussy remark. But the new caption team chose revenge over funny
and shook off the will of the FOD people by selecting a 4 vote caption
instead. Trouble and lack of funny brewed.

Day 8 (July 10th, 2010) "T-shirt theft"Just
as legions of FOD caption junkies were trying restart their lives with
a clean slate, the biggest fraud in caption contest history was about
to unfold. "I wish I could talk about it more, but I'll barf on myself
again," said Krassanova. Krassanova was referring to this photo:

The Caption: "Legolize gay marriage"The Result: 68 funnies and just 4 dies as of presstime.

An
astounding 94% funny to die ratio (a modern day FOD record) the sort of
stats that Will Ferrell's 'Landlord' video could only dream of. Surely,
all would be right in the world once again after a free promotional
t-shirt was sent to the current address of one of FOD's top funny women: GiseleNoel

Instead,
the crisis snowballed. GiseleNoel was in fact not sent a t-shirt for
her work. She reportedly now lays topless on a New York City beach
wondering what alternative universe she is now living in. Certainly
that universe was a place where funny had gone to die.

Days 12- 16 (July 14th--17th, 2010) "Rising Action"

Like
a shark with it's fins cut off the FOD community hemorrhaged to and fro
without direction for several days. A picture of patriotic fireworks
netted a great comeback effort by bollnas with a tried and true "Made In China". croftonbuddy snuck by top vote getter jimjamjones23
with a clever reference to the Cleveland Indians sneaking out of town
in Lebron-esque fashion. The community collectively swallowed their
pride and tried to pick up the pieces according to those in the know.

The
vote total was overwhelming at 32 and 6. While it was no 'legolize gay
marriage', it certainly was the stuff that free t-shirts were made of (simple, direct, clever). The community agreed, the FOD caption team did
not. blobzilla
pulled out the victory with 0 funnies and 0 dies. Truly a record of
indifference and possibly the first ever no funny vote winner. "Look,
we all got beat by JackSplatter1, I didn't suck anyone's cock this time
so stop asking," said a disgruntled but well shirted blobzilla.

FODers
ran it up to a respectable 35 and 8. The community had spoken, however,
the FOD caption team selected the 339th place comment "After im done
with this, IMMA EAT YOUR FACE! by recently invented profile imjustme223.

ViewOfTheWu
spoke for a sad nation: "THE WINNING CAP IS NEGATIVE FUNNY. That means
its not funny, and then subtract some more funny from it."Day 18 (July 19th, 2010) "The Reckoning"

The Photo:

While
some of the following comments are NSFW, CHN has reproduced them here
for educational reasons. 7 of the top 9 rated captions (garnering over
125 funnies) for the image were personal attacks on the new FOD Caption
Team by phukuhp. Example:

HEY NEW DUMASS NEW FOD CAP GUY... WHAT YOU DID YESTERDAY SURE DIDN'T
MAKE YOU ANY FRIENDS AMONG THE SUBSCRIBERS. WE CAN DO A BETTER JOB
OURSELVES. THEN LETS SEE WHERE YOU ARE . WHAT WAS THAT, A SUBSCRIPTION
YOU MADE FOR YOURSELF SO YOU COULD WIN? OR WAS IT A FRIEND YOU TURNED
ON TO THE SITE? PLUS YOUR PICS SUCK. ASSHOLE.

Despite the anger, subscribers banded together and took the opportunity to pump out further abuse on the new caption:

"After im done with this, IMMA PRINT MORE BUSINESS CARDS.Not funny I know but, Fuck it, it won yesterdays contest."bywusumbali

Breaking
news: The FOD 'intern' has removed the fake profile's winning caption
"Imma Eat Your Face" and the caption magically disappeared. The fake
profile continues to exist (http://www.funnyordie.com/imjustme223) and
refuses comment as of press time. It seems that a real person might be a bit upset to be the first caption winner to have their victory taken away? Really, no comment?

The legions of FOD loyal subscribers have collectively left this final comment on the ongoing saga:

"Legolize funny & send a t-shirt to GiseleNoel or we will take our ball and go home"