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Saturday, January 28, 2017

My latest Adult Coloring Book! Just in time for Valentine's Day. For lovers and haters:

Happy Valentine's Day! A variety of cozy, sweatered animals are ready to
give you bear hugs and gecko kisses! Whether your pet name is Pookie,
Snookums, or Schmoopy, our animals love you and want to be your best
friend. A perfect gift for that special someone, a good friend, or the
animal lover in your life. Hugs and kisses!

Saturday, March 26, 2016

We've been trying to sell our house for 5,000 years. Each time we have a showing I spend hours cleaning, trying to make the place presentable. The children and the cats are no help. Five minutes before the potential buyers are supposed to arrive I run to the car holding said cats and children.

I decided, early on, that it was easier to stay in the car for the 20 minutes it takes someone to love or hate your house. That's how I ended up at Sonic, multiple times, ordering drinks with the cats and children. And, how I officially became the town's WEIRD CAT LADY. I documented one of Bobo's first trips to Sonic.

Bobo hadn't been out of the house in 35 years. She hadn't been in the car for 201 years. She hadn't been to Sonic ever. She wanted a cheeseburger and some onion rings. And a Coney Dog. And a XL-Ocean Water Slush.

She wanted to rule the world. And try some Jalapeno Poppers.

"That lady and her cat are so creepy. I'll give you a $1.00 if you take their order out to them."
"No way, dude."

Monday, December 7, 2015

Everyone needs a chance to blow off steam. Some people go to the gym. Some people organize their sock drawer. Some people beat defenseless pinatas. The following is a step-by-step guide to enjoying your own adult pinata.

Go to your shed, garage, or basement, and find the pinata you've been hoarding for 20 years. Tell him, "Today you die." Feel bad and give him a hug.

Go to the liquor store and buy some mini bottles of booze. Make sure they are plastic and not glass. Do not fill your pinata with broken glass shards.

Purchase some candy. Don't be a prude and buy candy you hate, so that you won't eat it. Woman up and get your favorite candy. Get ready to stuff your fat face!

This is why $1 aisles were created. Yes, Target made their $1 aisle specifically for pinata stuffing. Get some girl stuff: perfume and lip gloss.

Stuff the pinata's butt full of goodies.

Serious Baby does not approve.

Find some string, a tree, and a weapon. That is three steps, so take your time, or reread instructions if needed. If you can't find a bat, I suggest a tennis racket, a tire iron, or an umbrella. Basically, open your trunk and you'll find something.

When your pinata finally explodes, scream and throw your body on top of the goodies. Wrestle your friends for Butterfingers.

The aftermath. If you do it right, your pinata won't be the only one feeling like crap the next morning.