Thursday, 1 September 2011

"Ahhh... Life."

I know. These words. Don't lie, you've said it AT least four times in your lifetime. Sometimes, you go days, weeks, months, having escaped these utterances, but then BAAM. The moment you least expect it, this thing called life rears its ugly, unwanted head, and brutally reminds you of its unfair existence.

I know.

By the tone of my writing, it is possible that you think that I am here to address something so heinous or ridiculously emotive to explain my wistful tone towards this thing called life. But alas, I am not. At least, I am not here to whimper about why life is unfair and blah blah blah, because, well, I am learning not to be the quintessential, whimpering girl, who let's everything and anything get to her. Emotions are a female dog, and, quite frankly, I cannot constantly weigh myself down with things which are inevitably bound to happen to me as a human.

Okay. It must seem as though I am speaking Greek. Let us begin. Seeing as I have a penchant for storytelling, I might as well bore you with a little anecdotal analogy of mine. Do bear with me on this.

All my life, it seems at least, I have been living to please people. I know, now, in retrospect, I think about how much time, effort, and energy I have wasted put in to please people, and I shudder inwardly. As a teenager, I was told that my boisterous nature was not appealing, and that it meant that people would not like me. So I tried to make myself less loud, less talkative (psssh.), less... ME. Afterwards, after trying soooo unbelievably hard to be less Professor Trelawney and more Professor McGonagall, I was accused of having a split personality, and that being two different people meant I was cunning and conniving.

I KNOW!

Not to bore you with the intricate details of my very, well, interesting life, I shall just tell you that this exact pattern has followed me from my teens till this day. Naturally, during those formative years of my adolescence, so many things about my personality were assessed and scrutinised so often that I became quite unsure about who I was as person. I was changing myself quicker than... well... I don't know, but you get the picture, and trust me on this, juggling multiple personalities is a very tasking job. Very tasking job, I tell you. And the worst part of it all? The worst part of it all was the fact that no matter how hard I tried to make myself into that perfect person that would please these particular people, my best was never good enough. When there was nothing to complain about, complaints about mindless things would ensue, resulting in harsh words and unnecessary antagonism.

Yeaaaah, so it was rather hard being myself. I was so scared of what people would say, or think, or act towards me, that I became a shell of my former self in order not to let people have opinions about me. Well, I finally decided I was tired of living the life of an Egyptian slave, and thought that if I was this bad, or if my personality was this heinous, then I would like to hear it from the mouths of the WORLD itself. Screw being an emotional pansy who was being told not to act in this manner and dress in that manner, or present myself in such manner. Let's face it, all those times when I was trying to be Supergirl and please the masses did not really work well in my favour, seeing as there was ALWAYS something I did not get right, or do right anyway.

To cut the diatribe short, I would say that meeting my true self, and finally finding out who I was as a person was ridiculously liberating. It was like that moment in 'The Runaway Bride' where Julia Roberts finalllly realises what type of eggs she likes. I am not even kidding. It was that bad!

Okay. So now, you've read my sob story, perhaps you can understand why I stand so strongly for individuality? If I could leave anyone with anything from this verbose article of mine, it would be that you should NEVER, EVER, let the opinions of the masses be the ultimate ruling factor of your life. As humans, we are ALWAYS prone to having opinions; even about things that are so factual, that having an opinion would be ridiculously foolhardy, but there you have it. And, although it may seem like I am preaching to the converted (or is the term 'preaching to the choir'? Ohhh I don't know), I just felt like re-iterating this point. The whole world will NEVER love you. Heck, they won't even like you. And even when you put in all your effort and sweat into trying to make yourself that person that people tell you you ought to be, that will never be ENOUGH. So, you are better off being yourself; enjoy being that crazy lady who is slightly over obsessed with Christmas and Miuiccia Prada. Ohhh... And her Ted. I know. *flutters eyelashes* I am quite comfortable being Professor Trelawney now more than ever. But if you are naturally a Professor McGonagall, then that's also cool.

BE YOURSELF. It's the best person worth being, honestly.

"If God wanted to create me otherwise, then he would have created me otherwise".

2 comments:

preach!!!! that's what my last post is about. i too had hard times with finding and knowing the real me. tried each time to please everyone, but by the age of 18, i said it was enough. i had the courage to do what i wanted, dress how i wanted and make my own choices!!!

I've come to reluctantly agree that impressing people matters to some extent cause they way they take you is the way they deal with you. But they are definitely not worth loosing yourself over. You're what makes you you

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