Monday, October 22, 2012

The Walk

Hello friends!

It’s an absolutely gorgeous day here in New England!October is my favorite month; the leaves are
at their peak and everything looks and smells and feels divine.

Today is perfect.Not
too cold, not too hot.It’s one of those
days where you think “Hey! I’m gonna surprise my kids and walk them home from
school! And it will be so fun because we can crunch the leaves together and
take in the sunshine and enjoy the day!”

I decided to bring our dog Toby with me. I was so proud of
myself.I thought: “Wow!Look at me!I’m a mom walking with her dog to pick her kids up from school on this
beautiful day.Is this is straight out
of Parents magazine or what?!?!”

Well, I left the house a little later than expected and
ended up having a jog the last leg…up a big hill.So I arrived late and dripping with
sweat.But no problem, I still made a
point to mention to all the teachers that we would be walking home that afternoon.I expected to receive some sort of parenting medal for my intentions but
all I got was “Oh that’s nice”.

Whatever people, I know you’re impressed by my efforts.Maybe you just don’t want to make all the
parents who DROVE here feel badly.I understand.

I grabbed the boys from their classrooms and headed
outside.A few of the kids wanted to pat
Toby so I stood there a little while before I realized…my children were
missing.They were literally almost to
the end of the street without me.I got
them back quickly because I think they take away your “I walked my kids home
from school” award if you lose them in the process.

Ok, everyone get the dog petting over with?Great.We’re off.

We started on our fun, fun walk home but then a car turned
the corner and it was…my husband.He was
running errands during his lunch break and was in the neighborhood.Naturally the kids thought it was so awesome
that Dad was picking them up.Only that
wasn’t the plan.The plan was to
walk.Guess who now hated that
plan?EVERYONE!

Mike then got to drive away leaving me with both kids
screaming “We want Daddy!” and Grant literally crumpled in a heap on the side
walk.

Thanks for the visit, hun!

At least I got to throw their backpacks in his car so I didn’t
have to carry them…

After we had been walking/dragging Grant for a few minutes
Carter announced that he was tired.And thirsty.But I had planned ahead for this and brought
water…which was in the backpacks…which I had just put in Mike’s car.

It was at this point that the intense and uninterrupted
whining began: I want to be the leader! No, I do! We don’t want to walk.We
want lunch.Carry me. I want to hold
your hand.I don’t want to hold your
hand.WE WANT TO BOTH HOLD YOUR SAME
HAND!

This was clearly not what I had pictured when I made the
fateful decision to take this walk.Come
to think of it, you can’t even see the sidewalk cause of these friggin’ leaves.And the sun is too hot.I’m melting.Stupid sunshine.

We were almost home when Carter started wheezing.He’s asthmatic.But it was ok because I foresaw this
happening and had brought his inhaler.And
put it in the backpack.

MIKE!I HATE YOU SO
MUCH!

Alright kids, let’s keep moving. I can SEE the house.Surely nothing more can go wrong before we
reach our front door. (OMG Danielle! WHY did you just say that! That's like the horror movie equivalent of someone saying "I'll be right back".)

“Mom!I have to go
poop!”

Seriously, Grant?I
don’t even have words to express how much I want you to be kidding.The thing about Grant is that he holds
everything in until it’s an emergency.The
look on his face told me it was an emergency.And turns out I was right.

He did it.He did it
right there, 50 feet from our house.And
then naturally he couldn’t just WALK like that.He had to move around and scream and cry until…it fell out his pant leg.

I am now officially the mother who's kid pooped on the sidewalk.

But it’s ok, cause I had brought a bag for Toby just in
case.And I had put it…

IN THE FUCKING BACK PACK!

I hate walks. If anyone needs me later I’ll be diving into a glass of Shiraz
and doing a few laps.

5 comments:

So freaking funny! Seriously...just another mom moment to file under "Laugh so you don't cry". I award you a virtual medal of honor for your good intentions & valiant effort. One day when you're too old to enjoy it, your kids will know how good they had it & will appreciate you ;)

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