Despite being a law-abiding citizen and active member of his community, 38-year-old Josh Hammond didn’t positively affect the course of 2014. Not by a long shot.

Martin Randle

2014 was actually a great year for Martin Randle, just not quite great enough to make any lasting impact whatsoever.

Benjamin Snell

For the 32nd straight year, Benjamin basically just shuffled around like a giant dope.

Terry Johnson

As he’s a resident of a heavily gerrymandered congressional district, it made absolutely no difference whether or not Johnson voted in the midterm elections this year. But for the record, he didn’t.

Rachel Malone

Another year wasted for this one.

Jennifer Friedman

Not only did the 6-year-old Mt. Vernon, IL native contribute absolutely nothing to her hometown, her country, or the world as a whole in 2014, she took up resources that could have otherwise been used by people who actually matter.

Elena Diaz

How can one person make absolutely no difference for so very long?

Jared Fletcher

The 2014 news cycle, and indeed, the universe, was and will remain indifferent to Jared Fletcher.

Keith Hinson

Keith sucks.

Jonas Salk

Developed the polio vaccine a few decades ago but did absolutely zilch in 2014. Embarrassing.