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There was this old farmer who toiled for years and bought used trucks to save a few bucks. After a good year he tells his wife that he is going to buy a brand new pickup. The wife replies "I'm tired of broken down pickups and trucks in general, I want something that goes from 0 to 250 in nothing flat". So the old farmer goes out and gets his new truck and buys his wife a bathroom scale.

I'm a certifiable tree hugger. (it's a poor mans way of determining DBH before cutting the tree down)