Comedy Quotes

Heather McNamara: God, they're not gonna expel him. they'll just suspend him for a week or something.Heather Chandler: He used a real gun, they should throw his ass in jail.Veronica Sawyer: He used blanks. all he did was ruin 2 pairs of pants, maybe not even that... can you bleach out urine stains?

Heather Chandler: You stupid fuck.Veronica Sawyer: You goddamn bitch.Heather Chandler: I brought you to a Remington party and what's my thanks? It's on a hallway carpet. I got paid in puke.Veronica Sawyer: Lick it up, baby. Lick. It. Up.

Veronica Sawyer: Dear Diary: Heather told me she teaches people "real life." She said, real life sucks losers dry. You want to fuck with the eagles, you have to learn to fly. I said, so, you teach people how to spread their wings and fly? She said, yes. I said, you're beautiful.

Veronica Sawyer: Hey, Martha. My date for the prom kinda flaked out on me. I was wondering, If you weren't doing anything that night, maybe we could rent some new releases and pop some popcorn.Martha 'Dumptruck' Dunnstock: I'd like that.Veronica Sawyer: Yeah. Me too.

Veronica Sawyer: Shit, Heather, I don't have anything against Martha Dunnstock.Heather Chandler: You don't have anything for her either. Come on. It will be very. The note will give her shower-nozzle masturbation material for weeks.