Cobra meeting blames Lazy cows for wettest January on record.

The 15th meeting of Cobra, the governments emergency response committee, has concluded that the recent spate of heavy rainfall was due to the sheer number of cows sitting down in fields across the country, the majority being in the south west of England.

Environment Secretary Owen Patterson chaired the meeting. Mr. Patterson said, “It is no wives tale, that if you see a cow sitting down it is going to rain, and we have seen a lot of cows sitting down lately.”

The National Farmers Union (NFU) are calling for Mr. Patterson to apologise citing that the farmers are upset because he called their cows lazy. “The only lazy cows are them lot up in London.” Said one farmer who did not want to be named.

The Met Office is warning of more heavy rain and high winds, and advising the public, if they see a cow sitting down, to make some sort of noise or throw a little pebble at it to try to get it to walk around.