Electing The Election’s End

We are down to the final hours of the 2012 election. The candidates are barnstorming through battleground states. Pollsters are drilling through databases to pinpoint the counties and towns that will be pivotal in deciding the elections. The attorneys are at the edge of their seats ready to call a foul at the slightest hint of election fraud. And pundits and journalists tired of analyzing hand movements or tarmac struts have relegated themselves to discussing how both candidates struggle to make time for their workout regiments or what Obama and Romney will be eating for their electoral last supper.

After two years of endless campaigning, reputation smearing and prolifigate spending we can at last enjoy a sigh of relief as we segue into the post-election news reel and the months of campaign promise checking to come. Hope you are excited. What else can we possibly write about the elections? We’ve covered Romney’s acts of animal cruelty, counted the number of Obama’s hair follicles that have turned gray and identified how many parts per million of methane Anne released into the atmosphere when she farted on stage while addressing a crowd in Fairfax Virginia. Blaming it on microphone feedback is no way to go about meeting soon-to-be “neighbors” Anne!

Seriously, a long break from hearing about SuperPACs and dark money 501(c) 4’s will be beneficial for everyone let alone some distance from opportunistic blowhards like Donald Rump, and weird old guys talking to empty chairs before a national audience. As if the country’s economic woes, financial scandals, mounting inequality, rising poverty and emerging police state to name just a few social ills that pain America weren’t hard enough to bare.

The 2012 campaign has been a wasteland. All that stinks in this country has risen to the top of both candidates agendas like miasma escaping an infected corpse. Obama’s message can be reduced to:

I’m the inspiring guy who captivated the hearts and minds of America in 2008. Although I was burdened by four years of economic stagnation and hampered by partisan animosity I have succeeded at knocking a half dozen bad guys off my “kill list” to protect America while prosecuting the shit out of government whistleblowers under antiquated laws to protect America even more. There is no way I can be as bad reactionary Romney so get out and vote for me.

And Romney’s:

I’m that guy you can trust because I pray for my family and stay away from beer. My “darnits” and “h-e-double-hockey-sticks” are a testament to my faith in returning to a simpler America, a better America where skirts go past the knees and no girl gets away with having a baby and not telling daddy, her doctor and a robot. When I am president I will ensure every privileged person in this country that he will have a fair shot to maximize his portfolio and reduce his taxes all in the name of making America great again. Because rich people create jobs that make America grow, I will assist those people in making sure their opportunities are unfettered. I also like coal, hate Russians and think Israel should be armed to wipe out the entire Middle East if Bibi thinks that is in America’s best interest.

Obama is right. He is way not as bad as reactionary Romney. And when he wins Ohio we won’t have to dull our senses any longer obsessively comparing the two of them. After the confetti is swept away and the media begins its three month post election analysis we can resume our struggles against economic inequality, neofeudalism and the military police force that protects and serves the public with tear gas and high velocity bean bag guns. At least then real political struggles may gain a little attention from our lately preoccupied “leaders.” And if not at least we’ll be spared the spectacle of manufactured democracy.