The old folks got this here
banana holder for Christmas, and everything was going along
great until they got down to the last banana, then it wouldn't
hold it up.

As you can easily see by the
second picture, there is no provision to hold up that last
banana, so it'll jest have to sit on the bottom of the banana
holder, where it could get attacked by bugs or something like
that.

Since I always like to get
involved and invent new things that nobuddy else ever invented,
I decided to invent some way to hold
up that last banana to prevent these problems.

In the third picture you ken
easily see that I have used a wood clamp to hold up that last
banana, but it took a reel strong person to open that clamp far
enough to get it to go around the banana.

the next thing I tried was to
jest put that last banana into a plastic bag I found next to the
garbage can in the garage, and that worked pretty good, except
for the ants crawling around on the inside of the bag.

The next invention was to put the
last banana into a little basket that was sitting right there,
and it worked pretty good.

Then I put that last banana into
my brother Sniffy's jacket, and that also worked pretty good.

But the best thing I invented was
that I discovered that if you jest take your little hacksaw and
cut off each banana and leave part of the skeleton that holds
them together when they come from the store. You ken then hang
that skeleton on the little hook on the banana holder and it
works great. Then when that last banana is empty, you can jest
stick it back onto the banana holder to remind whoever goes to
the store to race right out and get you some more bananas!

Also, in case somebuddy forgets
to eat their Gingko Biloba madicine that helps people remember
things, and they cut off the banana skeleton, you ken jest force
that last banana into the banana holder hook thingy and it'll
keep it safely up in the air.

A lot of you may not have noticed, but none
of us guys got any opposing thumbs, so it is reely hard to unscrew them
Oreo Cookies so we ken eat the ice cream inside.

It probably isn't much of
a problem for a lot of people, but if we use a screwdriver or some tool
like that, it might be dirty and a feller could ketch hydrophobia from
the germs all over the tool that would then get into that ice cream from
the cookie.

In the meantime, though,
me and some of my brothers invented a way to automatically open them
Oreo Cookies without getting our paws dirty with that ice cream.
You also have to remember to wash off the machine we used to prevent
from ketching any hydrophobia germs.

Sparky's Powerful
Steamshovel to the Rescue!

Warning:
As with
any project involving powerful machinery or tools, you should always
wear safety glasses or goggles before beginning. Remember, if the
cookie should shatter, you could end up with pieces of it in your eyes.

As you ken see from the
pictures at right, I invented a way
that I could use the tremendous power from my Powerful Steam Shovel to
open them Oreo Cookies quickly and without making a mess that might end
in a trip to sit in the corner.

That's me in the
background, operating the control for my Powerful Steam Shovel, as Ty
(left), Sniffy and Peanut look on.

Notice that the Powerful
Steam Shovel has completely
opened the Oreo Cookie without scattering either cookie crumbs or the
ice cream inside all over the place.

The final picture shows
us having a "Happy Oreo Cookie
Party."

Of course, it would be
better if we had a big jug of chocolate milk to go with it. Or, if
you prefer, cuz it might be cold outside where you live, hot chocolate
also works, as well as coffee if you're a big person.

For variety, or if you drop your spoon on
the floor, you ken jest try eating it with a fork, although in them
Oriental countries where most of us
hounds came from, lots of people eat JELL-O®
with chopsticks, but you have to be reel good at using them chopsticks
to do that. (Personally, I found
out that chopsticks work better fer scratching my back).

You ken also moosh it up and drink it
from a bowl or cup or glass, and if you moosh it up enough you ken drink
it through one of them big straws that they have at the Slurpee store.

If the person who wants you to eat the
JELL-O®
isn’t looking, you ken jest acksidentally dump it on the floor and ask
fer something that’s easier to eat, like ice cream and chocolate chip
cookies, frinstance.

Another way to eat JELL-O®
is to cut it up into cubes
after it gets done freezing in the fridgerator, then trade the
different colored cubes with your neighbors so each of you has 3 or 4
different colors of JELL-O®,
and that gives you something to do until the next batch of JELL-O®
arrives.

You ken also eat JELL-O®
in different places to make it more exciting. You ken eat it in a chair,
or in bed. Or in the elevator, cuz then you ken see it wiggle and jiggle
reel good and it might get you laughing, specially if a bunch of you are
being silly and all eating JELL-O®,
but be careful, cuz that’s usually when I start giggling too much and
it squirts out my nose and ears.

That reminds me, the last time I had to
eat JELL-O®
was after I got my ear operated on to put in a new squeaker and I wasn’t
feeling good fer a little while, then when that new squeaker broke, I
felt even worse, so now I jest don’t have no squeaker.

For more variety, some of us guys have
been known to put a
nice slice of JELL-O®
between the middle of a hamburger bun, since them buns come in a package
of 8, but we normally get 5 hamburgers out of a pagacks [plural of
package] of hamburger meat. That way there is always 3 of them buns
left over, and they usually grow green things if they sit there too
long. Sometimes we also put in a piece of lettuce if there is also some
of that lying around, but it definitely doesn’t go with onions or
pickles or ketchup or mustard, so we jest glob on some whipped cream if
we have any, and it makes a great meal that is also a dessert.

If you have trubble with the JELL-O®
being too wiggly, you ken jest mix it with less water and it will turn
out less wiggly.

Another trick is to make some of that
less wiggly JELL-O®
and pour it into a piece of old garden hose that you ken cut out of the
middle of the long hose and put it into the fridgerator to get wiggly.
Then you ken jest heat the hose piece in some
warm water a little until that JELL-O®
pops out and it will look zacktly like a hot dog if you do it right.
Then you ken use up some of them exter hot dog buns that was left over
cuz somebuddy ate up the hot dogs without the bun. Instead of mustard
you ken also put on some whipped cream that comes in one of them squirt
cans, and it’ll look jest like a reel hot dog, but it won’t give you
the hot dog burps that we all hate.

Remember: You never outgrow your need fer
JELL-O®!
It will also keep your claws or fingernails from breaking if you eat
enough of it. That way if you’re out in the back yard digging up
bones, and you don’t have a Powerful Steam Shovel, like I do, you won’t
have that trubble to deal with.

Another thing you ken do is throw little
blocks of JELL-O®
at cats if they’re giving you some trubble, and the ants in the
neighborhood will eat it up and the evidence will be all gone so you won’t
get into no trubble.

Also, I jest discovered another exciting
resipey of how to make JELL-O®-Oreo
Instant Pudding treats and you ken read all about it here:

Once upon a time, about a zillion years
ago, there was this feller named Jack Valdez, who lived in an old shack
with his mother, Trixie.

They was poor people, and they was almost
starving, cuz Trixie had lost her job down at the candle factory due to
layoffs cuz lots of other people was also too poor to buy very many
candles. Most of them couldn’t read anyhow, so they didn’t reely
need no candles except when it was time to eat dinner. It’s reel hard
to eat in the dark without biting your paws or fingers, or eating some
food that has green things growing all over it, so that’s when most
people used their candles.

Anyhow, they had this reel cool cow named
“Mrs. Moo,” who manufactured lots of milk that they both drank, but
both of them was getting tired of drinking milk all the time, and they
wanted some reel food. Neither Jack nor his mom wanted to turn Mrs. Moo
into hamburgers, though, so it was decided that Jack would take Mrs. Moo
into town and sell her to get some money to buy something to eat.

Jack got some money and went shopping. He
bought some hotdogs and hotdog buns, some tater chips and mustard and
some chocolate chip cookies, and a couple of jugs of chocolate milk.

Then on his way home, a feller stepped
out of an alley and offered Jack some magic beans fer a couple of the
dollars he had left over. When Jack got home, they both had a reel feast
and pretty soon all the food and chocolate chip cookies and chocolate
milk was all gone and they were right back where they had started,
except that now they didn’t have no cow to manufacture any more milk.

That’s when Jack remembered the magic
beans and he showed them to his mom. There wasn’t no instruction book
with them beans, so Jack didn’t exactly know what they was supposed to
do, and when his mom heard that, she totally flipped out and threw them
beans out the window.

Some of them magic beans landed on the
ground outside, in the garden, but some of them landed in a kettle of
water boiling on the stove.

After a little while when they was both
sitting there in the dark, they smelled something that smelled pretty
good coming from the stove. Jack lit one of the candles and checked it
all out, and he saw that the boiling water had turned brown and smelled
pretty good.

He took a little taste with a wooden
spoon and he thought it tasted pretty good, then his mom came over and
tasted the brown liquid as well. They both reely liked the liquid, and
they was both drinking it when Jack got some down the wrong pipe and
almost choked on it. He coughed, then wheezed, and that’s when
his mom thought he had said, “Coffee.” So that’s what they called
it.

Then the next morning they went out to
see what had happened to the rest of the beans Trixie had thrown out the
window, but they were nowhere in sight.

After about a couple of weeks Trixie
noticed a whole bunch of funny-looking little trees growing in her
garden, then smelled that familiar smell of the “Coffee” coming from
the leaves and the little berries that was growing on each little tree
already.

After about another couple of weeks, all
of the little trees was covered with zillions of them magic beans so
Jack went out and picked a handful of them and threw them into a boiling
kettle again, and they had a reel cool “Coffee Party,” and they was
pretty much awake all night, there in the dark, drinking coffee until
the sun came up in the morning.

Pretty soon they figgered out to plant a
whole bunch of more of them magic beans and then they could manufacture
lots more of them little trees and grow even more coffee and sell it to
their friends and neighbors. Eventually, Jack figgered out that you
could cook them beans in the oven and make the coffee taste even better,
and also, then it made the beans so they wouldn’t grow into a tree in
case one of his customers that bought some beans tried to grow his own
trees.

Eventually, people in the big city at the
bottom of the
mountain heard about his invention of “Coffee,” and they all wanted
to try some, so Jack started taking some into town and selling them
beans in little brown bags that held about a pound. After not a whole
long time, he started hauling them into town with a little red wagon
that he bought with some of the exter money he had earned from selling
them magic beans.

Then pretty soon, it got to be so much
work that
he bought a donkey that he could then load up with big bags of coffee
beans and haul them down the mountain and get back in time to eat
dinner.

In another town on the other side of the
mountain there was another kid named “Jack,” and he had also bought
some magic beans from the same guy, but them was different beans, and
they jest grew into a giant beanstalk, and Jack got into some trubble
with some giant or something and had to chop down that reely big
beanstalk, and then wound up with nothing but a dead beanstalk that
crashed down on top of his neighbor’s house and pretty much wrecked
it.

Fer that reason, the first Jack, Jack
Valdez, who had gotten the coffee beans, decided to change his name, so
he changed it to “Juán,” which is Spanish for Jack.

“And the rest is history,” as they
say.

Course, that’s jest one story about
Juán Valdez and how he got reel rich in his coffee business. You ken
jest click here to find out more: More
about Juán Valdez

Oh, yeah, they made so much money that
they was pretty soon able to buy back “Mrs. Moo,” who was reel glad
to be back home. Then they turned some of the milk she manufactured into
cream to make the coffee reely good!

Quote
of the Day:

"A Diamond is Forever...but a bag of
fries seldom makes it home!" --Sparky

Quote of Another Day:

" 'Desserts' is
'Stressed' Spelled Backwards. The reason is cuz when there's no
dessert, I always get stressed." --Sparky

More About Bananas

Brain Power:
Some students at an English school were helped through their exams by
eating bananas at breakfast, break and lunch in a bid to boost their
brain power. Research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can
assist learning by making pupils more alert. Banana burps also
help make you stay awake.

Mosquito bites: Before reaching
for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside
of a banana skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing
swelling and irritation.

And the next time you see a mosquito
about to bite you, you can smack him with the banana!

You ken also keep a spare banana skin in
your pocket or hanging around your neck fer jest such an occasion, also.

More
About Oreo Cookies

You ken jest type in "Oreo
Cookies", on your WWW computer thingy or click here Oreos
and it will show you about a zillion websites that you ken check out fer
more information on those delicious cookies.

Fer even more exciting information about
Oreos and other things they make, click here: More
Oreos

Some History of the
Oreo Cookie

• 1898 National Biscuit
Company (NaBisCo) founded.

• 1912 Oreo Cookies introduced.

• 1974 Official name of cookie became OREO Chocolate
Sandwich Cookies.

• 1975 DOUBLE STUF Oreos introduced.

• 1987 Fudge covered Oreos introduced.

• 1991 Halloween Oreos introduced.

• 1995 Christmas Oreos introduced.

• 1998 Oreos made kosher.

• 2004 Sparky got reel sick
from eating too many Oreos.

A Short History of JELL-O®

In 1845, the industrialist, inventor and
philanthropist Peter Cooper, of Tom Thumb engine and Cooper Union fame,
obtained the first patent for a gelatin dessert. Although he packaged
his gelatin in neat little boxes with directions for use, Cooper did
very little with it. Home cooks still relied on sheets of prepared
gelatin, which had to be clarified by boiling with egg whites and shells
and dripped through a jelly bag before they could be poured into molds.
This was a time-consuming process, very different from today's JELL-O®
gelatin.

In
1897, Pearle B. Wait, a carpenter and cough medicine manufacturer from
LeRoy, New York, developed a fruit-flavored version of Cooper's gelatin.
His wife, May Davis Wait, named it JELL-O®.
First flavors were: strawberry, raspberry, orange and lemon.

In 1899, Wait sold the business to Orator
Francis Woodward, a neighbor, for $450.

"Everybuddy
knows that if you make reel strong coffee and drink too much of it, the
caffeine in it will keep you wide awake fer a reel long time. So,
if you make decaf coffee reel strong and drink a whole bunch of it, will
it make you go to sleep fer a reel long time?"
--Sparky