Thursday, March 13, 2014

Man Sues Porn Industry for making Sex Boring

Dateline: LOS ANGELES—Eduard Garbanzo, a plumber and avid
consumer of internet pornography, is suing several top producers of porn for having
made sex commonplace and boring.

“There’s too much nudity on the internet,” he protests.
“They’ve saturated the market, those pornographers. I mean, how many times can
you look at a naked person and still get aroused? How many giggling breasts and
buttocks can you watch before you get tired of it all? Sooner or later, the
whole thing just bores you to tears.”

Mr. Garbanzo is 27 and he grew up in an age when business on
the internet began to boom, when pornography became no longer rare or hidden,
but has been made available even to early teens at the touch of a few buttons. As
Mr. Garbanzo says, “It used to be you’d have to sneak into the basement and
root around for your father’s hidden stash of nudie magazines. And then you’d
have to make do with the model that happened to be featured in those pages and
with however she chose to pose herself.

“But now you’ve got a smorgasbord: whatever you want to see,
the internet has it in store, 24 hours a day, every day of the week. There’s no
holiday, no time out, no escape from the fulfillment of your wildest fantasies.
I’m sick of it already!

“How much of a good thing is enough? I’ll tell you how much:
when the porn is coming out your ears, when you’ve got naked ladies not just on
your laptop but on your mobile devices so you can’t get away from the constant
stream of sex and perversions, when sex is no longer exciting because it’s been
overdone! That’s when you’ve been satiated. And that’s when it’s time to sue
the pants off of those greedy pornographers who’ve killed the goose that lays
the golden egg.”

Mr. Garbanzo’s lawyer insists that his client’s case isn’t
frivolous. “We believe we have a case against pornographers, not because
they’re peddlers of smut. That was the old charge and that was just a matter of
taste. No, our complaint is that, you know, it’s enough already. They’ve ruined
sex for the next generation. These filmmakers knowingly flooded the market with
sexual images that no one has the strength to resist. As a direct consequence,
sex has become stale.”

An evolutionary psychologist agrees that however bizarre the
lawsuit may seem, there are reasons to worry that pornographers have possibly
condemned our species, by making a substitute for sex too readily available. “Heterosexual
men are instinctively driven to chase women for sex. Men like the thrill of the
hunt, the pleasure of anticipation, the mystery that’s solved only in the end
when the woman finally reveals what’s underneath her skirt. Women, too, crave
for some romance, for the social foreplay when she can sit back and judge the
man’s attempts to impress her.

“Pornography may well be undermining all of this, because
the thrill of the hunt is gone. There’s no more mystery. Want to see what a New
Jersey Pile Driver looks like? You can look it up in the billions of porn sites
on the web; very acrobatic, that NJ Pile Driver. How about a Floridian Loop de Loop
or a Japanese Walrus Dance or the Russian Bear Hug or the Chinese Manufacturing
Facility? Ever wondered what the Canadian Leisurely Walk looks like? It’s not
what you think, let me tell you. It’s one of the most perverted sex acts you
can imagine.

“But there’s nothing left to imagine when it comes to sex—and
that’s the problem. Porn stars have already done it all. Even worse, they’re
showing us what they’re doing and many of us are getting sick of it already.
We’re getting sick of sex in general. Who’s going to pay when our species goes
extinct for lack of interest in sex? By then it will be too late. Pornographers
should answer now for what they’ve done.”

The porn industry scoffs at these allegations. “We’re just
fulfilling a demand that’s out there,” says one industry insider. “We didn’t
create the demand. People can’t get enough sex, so they turn to pornography. I
don’t think you can get too much of a
good thing. It’s not possible. I could eat sugar till I drop. My stomach would
explode and I’d be lying on the ground clawing for more chocolate bars and
stuffing my face with them, because I can’t get enough.

“I can never get enough porn. I could watch the
same sexual positions over and over. In out in out in out. The same body parts,
the same stars, the same bad acting. Over and over and all around you. Who
could say no to that? Who wouldn’t want to be constantly surrounded by sweating
naked bodies—when you’re eating or at the office or at your parent’s place for
the holidays or when you’re driving or on vacation or picking up your kids from
school? It’s a golden age for sex. The prudes will sue us and they’ll lose.
When in Rome, baby, do as the Romans do.”

2 comments:

The Obama Cabal is behind universal GAYety with a "forever" postage stamp glorifying Harvey Milk, a Jewish homosexual predator "attracted to boys aged 15-19," according to WikiAnswers! (Also see Wikipedia.) Global gaydom was even predicted by Jesus (see "days of Lot" in Luke 17 and compare with Genesis 19). And the Hebrew prophet Zechariah (14th chapter) says that during the same end-time gay "days" ALL nations will come against Israel and fulfill the "days of Noah" at the same time (see Luke 17 again) - a short time of anti-Jewish genocide found in Zechariah 13:8 when two-thirds of all Jews will die. In other words, when "gay days" have become universal, all hell will break loose! Shockingly, the same "days" will trigger the "end of days" - and when they begin, worldwide human government will quickly wind down in just a few short years! For the first time in history there won't be enough time for anyone to even attend college, let alone have a family, save money, enjoy retirement, etc. One final thought. The more we see gays "coming out," the sooner Jesus will be "coming down"! For more, Google or Yahoo "God to Same-Sexers: Hurry Up," "Jesus Never Mentioned Homosexuality. When gays have birthdays...," "FOR GAYS ONLY: Jesus Predicted..." and "USA - from Puritans to Impure-itans!"

Your assumptions are rather different than mine. For example, you think the Bible is a supernatural document that has the miraculous power to predict events in the distant future. I talk about Bible inerrantism in "Does God Write Books?"

Also, we know now that homosexuality is biological, just like heterosexuality, so it's not really an ethical question or a matter of sin. Imagine being judged for something you can't control, like having a hunchback (kyphosis) or a lazy eye or a stutter or being gay. What's more grotesque, homosexual sex or condemnation of gay people by ignoramuses? All by itself, the latter proves to me there's no God and certainly nothing particularly righteous or noble about conservative so-called Christians.

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In this blog you'll find my philosophical rants within the undead god. What on earth is the "undead god," you ask, and why do I rant within it? Read on and find out or just look at how the planet and all of nature mindlessly evolve, setting the stage for our existential predicament. In the big picture, who I am doesn't matter at all and when I write here I write mostly with the big picture in mind. But if you're curious about some of my interests, see my blogger profile.