There’s been an exciting trend I’ve been seeing on social media lately: suddenly, I’ve seen a few people posting that they’ve paid off their student loans! These are not younger friends of mine either- they’re people in their thirties (or even forties) who have paid off their undergrad student loans after years of effort.

When I wrote the first part of this post: So I Paid Off My Student Loans- Part 1, I described how amazing it felt to finally get rid of the loans that had been hanging over my head for years. The last ones didn’t even have the craziest highest interest- I perhaps could have paid the loans slowly for god knows how long (though my minimum payment was $850 a month!) so it couldn’t have been forever, but I personally couldn’t deal with the debt being in my life any longer. It consistently bothered me to have these stupid payments every month that were so high, where I didn’t feel like I was getting a return anymore- I graduated college 12 years earlier! Some people are fine paying small payments towards their loans for a long time- and mathematically, it may even make sense to wait. But for me, that didn’t work- I was too anxious about it. It’s been 10 months since I made the last payment on my loans, but it still feels like a huge rock has been lifted off my back. It was a goal I had for so long, and I had to work really hard to pay them off. it’s weird to actually have accomplished what was such a monumental goal in my life for so long.

Below, I want to account for how I did it, and how it can be done, and that it can be done! You can use these strategies to pay off any kind of debt, including credit card debt! I know it may seem impossible right now. And it may feel devastating to even look at the debt- I know it did for me. And it’s definitely unfair how much debt young Americans end up taking on in order to go to “a good college” in this country- it’s horrible. But that’s a post for another blog.

I paid off these loans while never making more than a bit over 50K a year, and for many years in my twenties, I made less than 30K or even 25K a year! 😦 Remember, I was a drama major. I directed and acted in numerous plays basically for free for a few years after graduating college (which took up a lot of my time but paid next to nothing). So I don’t think paying off loans is necessarily about making a lot of money (though it helps, duh! I’m a huge making money fan, Universe!), but it’s more about diligence. Of course, if your debt is really high (300-500k) and you can possibly get debt forgiveness (I was not able to), that’s another strategy, or even bankruptcy might be a possibility to look into (I also would not have been able to get rid of my debt that way)- although most student loan debt can’t be discharged in bankruptcy. Other than those ideas, here are some tools and practices I used to help make my zero student loan debt a reality. Hope they help!

Pay more than the minimum when you can. I made very little money while paying down these loans, but by using some strategies I’ll outline below, every little bit of money you can save and add to your monthly principle payment helps.

When you get paid, take a certain percentage out of your paycheck and pay it- as extra- towards your debt. You can pick this percentage, but it helps to pick a percentage, because it’ll stop decision delays about how much extra to contribute, and it stops the fear that you’re contributing extra before making money- only contribute extra money after you’ve gotten paid.

Automate your payments. Sometimes companies will lower your interest or payments if you automate paying everything. I automated my minimum payments, and saved a bit of money just from that simple step. Plus it helps you make sure you’re not late on a payment, which can really hurt your credit.

Make sure any extra payments you make go towards the principle amount of the loan. When I paid extra money towards my payments, the loan companies always tried to apply it to future interest payments, or the next monthly payment. Do not let this happen- it’s a trick so that they’ll get more money in the long run. Make sure any extra money you pay towards your debt goes towards the PRINCIPLE amount. You’ll save money that way.

The Goodbudget app. I’m not a huge fan of making budgets- I just know I won’t stick to them dollar for dollar. I was never that into following rules- I’ve always been a bit of a rebel. So I use what is instead known as a backwards budget. This entails tracking every dollar I spend as I spend it- basically writing down where my money goes, and which category I spent it in. This app tracks everything simply and easily, and I’m a huge fan. I wrote a post of it called The Anti-Budget Budget In Your Thirties.

Dave Ramsey’s extreme money saving strategies. Dave Ramsey has a really good finance podcast that I highly recommend where he recommends extreme ways to save money. I don’t agree with everything he says, and he’s very religious while I’m not, but if you get past his southern Baptist personality style (or maybe that’ll resonate with you, in which case you’ll LOVE him), he has some great, though simple ideas. The main idea I took from him is to eat at home and bring your lunch to work as much as possible. Also, while eating at home, he recommends ‘rice and beans, beans and rice.’ Basically, the cheapest foods available, while still being healthy. I didn’t necessarily eat only rice and beans while paying down my student loans, but I ate at home a heck of a lot more, and cooked food in hotel rooms while traveling for work, instead of eating out and spending more money. And I bought cheaper groceries a la the rice and beans strategy.

Don’t make yourself miserable. I took a balanced approach to paying off the loans, and didn’t make myself absolutely miserable for a few years in order to do so. Basically, I avoided a completely extreme approach, which saved my sanity and enabled me to stay on course as opposed to giving up on the goal. When I wanted to have a drink out with a friend on the road, I had a drink out- because bonding time with friends is something I cherish, and trying new drinks and food is also up there on my “what makes life worth living” list. Everyone will have their own favorite things, so pick and choose what you absolutely cherish, and do a few of those things, as opposed to throwing money into the hole of “stuff” you don’t care about. Eating out costs a lot of money that can be instead saved and put towards debt, so I ate out a lot less. But I didn’t completely stop eating out. I was just choosy about when I ate out and for what reasons (bonding=good, new food=good, lazy eating out because I don’t want to cook= bad… when I didn’t want to cook, I quickly threw pasta in some water and heated up some frozen vegetables or something quick and easy. Or I cracked a can of soup or ate cheese and crackers if I was feeling reallyyyy lazy. )

Work on other financial goals at the same time. This is not for everyone- some people want to focus singlehandedly on killing their debt, and are willing to forsake building wealth at the same time in order to do so. However, I really didn’t want to wait before opening my retirement account and contributing to it. The more time retirement money has to grow, the more money that you will have. So I contributed money to my Roth IRA at the same time as paying down the debt. It didn’t have to be much. It was just whatever I could spare. Then, when the debt was finally paid off, I actually had a small retirement account already going and building interest!

I completely understand how debt can feel, and I hope at least some of these tips have been helpful to you. Please write to us if you’re confused about any of them, or if we can clarify in any way.

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I’m so happy to congratulate my amazing best friend and co-blogger, Jane, here on the birth of her absolutely adorable and incredible son, Winston! He’s about a month old now and was born the day before Thanksgiving. I had the honor of meeting him when he was the ripe old age of 5 days and can vouch for how extremely sweet and cute he is.

Both mom and baby are doing great, and Winston is getting ready for his first Christmas! He was born the day before Thanksgiving, so I will always think of him as a holiday baby. The whole family is warm in LA, with no December snow or cold- something to be thankful for. It all goes together.

It’s exciting to see Jane become a mom- I know she has wanted it so much, and has written about a lot of that here. It’s amazing to see it all unfold. Definitely happy holidays indeed.

I love you, Jane! Congratulations! This is very exciting and amazing! I am still in awe!

Family photo!

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I’m getting close to the finish line of pregnancy (AHH!), and I thought I’d share some of what I’ve experienced so far as a first-time pre-mom (It’s hard for me to call myself a mom yet, since I don’t feel like I’m inhabiting the role when the little guy isn’t out of my womb yet…).

Pregnancy has been more of an education than I ever expected. I’m learning so much about the human body, health care politics, cultural differences in pregnancy and so much more. It’s been an all-around education; it feels like I’m getting a Masters degree in human life.

Here are some of the more surprising things I’ve learned:

— Babies cry in the womb. Scientists have even seen them making that little lower lip quiver. Is that insane or what? Who would have thought?

— Reading the master book on hypno-birthing has been the best thing I’ve done to calm my fears and my anxious brain about labor and delivery. Basically, the idea is that self-hypnosis can help relieve much of the pain of childbirth without drugs. Simply reading the book has been such an amazing experience, mainly because it’s all about how birth can be more of a spiritual journey, rather than a painful, dreaded “event to get through.” While I’m not doing a full hypno-birthing by any stretch (epidural please!), just reading the book has proved to be very calming.

— Maybe women don’t really need to “push” to get their babies out. I feel like a looney-toon even writing that sentence because it goes against everything I’ve learned about pregnancy, but according to what I’ve read in the hypno-birthing book, most babies would naturally make their way out, if allowed to by medical professionals. One of the pieces of evidence to go along with this is that women in comas have given birth.

— I’ve become more of a mama-bear than ever before. I stand up for myself a lot more. And sometimes in strange ways (like doggedly pursuing the contact information for the CEO of Human Touch, a massage chair company whose customer service department won’t help us get our damn chair fixed. It’s been two months and my husband has a bad back.)

— Along those lines, I trust myself and my education and choices about my pregnancy and birth. I’ve chosen to drink the occasional glass of wine during pregnancy and I’ve come to not care what other people think about that choice.

— C-section rates are pretty high across the board but I was shocked to learn that in Brazil and 50% of all births are by cesarean.

— I’m thinking about a mid-life career addition/shift and apparently, this is very common among new moms/pregnant ladies, according to my therapist.

— Fetuses can use up much of your calcium, and if you don’t get enough of this vital nutrient via your diet or supplements, you can possibly end up with lots of cavities because the baby is sucking up calcium from your teeth!

— The US government states that your health insurance has to cover breast pumps for new moms (be it a rental unit or a new one).

There’s so much more that I’ve learned, but these are some of the most surprising discoveries.

I hope to share my own labor and delivery story once the big day happens!

As long as you’re earning income, you can open up a Roth IRA. I’ve written a lot about why Roth IRA’s are amazing here and here and here and also here, but in a nutshell, they are magical investment vehicles that allow your earnings to grow tax free FOREVER.

So if you invest $100 in your Roth IRA and that $100 earns $15 interest this year, that $15 will NEVER be taxed. EVER. Even when you take it out of your Roth IRA after you retire (as long as that is after age 59 and a half), and spend it, no tax monster will come to get you.

So imagine that you invest $100,000 over the course of a couple of years and it earns $15,000 of interest in that same couple of years. That $15,000 will also never be taxed. EVER. Do you see how this can add up? In a standard IRA (not a Roth), you will be be taxed on ALL of your interest the second you remove any of it from your account. That’s a lot of tax.

So, if you haven’t opened up a Roth IRA yet, here’s exactly how to open one up at Vanguard RIGHT THIS VERY MOMENT. It should take you less than 20 minutes to do this, and if you get lost you can call Vanguard and they’ll walk you through it. They’re amazing on the phone! Vanguard is my favorite financial establishment for Roth IRAs, as they have the lowest fees (almost none), and fees can really add up over the years so it’s best to stop them in their tracks early. Vanguard has been great for me so far, and I think you’ll love them- they’re extremely helpful, with an easy to use website, low to no fee funds, and they have amazing customer service. So follow the steps below to open your account. (Disclaimer: I have not been sponsored by Vanguard, or by anyone, to write this. I just love Vanguard’s services!)

Also, you will need at least $1000 to open up a Roth IRA at Vanguard. You will need at least $3000 to open up the fund I’m about to recommend below, but if you have the $1000 ready, go ahead and open up a Roth IRAwith a Fund I’m going to mention, and you can always transfer to the one I recommend- that’s actually what I did originally when I first opened mine up. The trick is to simply GET STARTED NOW. Make sure you have at least the $1000 set aside in order to begin. Remember, with Roth IRAs, you can always remove this money whenever you like, without taxes or fees! Because Roths are special that way! So, although you should only remove money from your Roth in an extreme emergency, it’s nice to know that your contributions are 100% reversible! Okay, without further ado, here we go:

Step 2: Click on “Investing” and then click “IRAs: Roth and Traditional.”

Step 3: On the far right, click “Open your IRA today”

Step 4: Answer the question: “Are you registered on Vanguard.com with ‘no.’ (If you are already registered for another account on Vanguard, of course say ‘yes’ and follow those steps to create your Roth IRA.)

Step 5: Answer the question “Tell us about your new account” by clicking ‘Retirement.’

Step 6: For the next two questions, select ‘Retirement’, and then ‘Roth IRA.’

Step 7: Fill in your basic information.

Step 8. From here, you will simply click continue and connect your bank account using your account and routing number, so that you can transfer money easily to your Roth IRA. What’s great about Roths is that any money you put in, you can take out without fees or taxes at any time. This is not the case for regular IRAs or 401ks. Any money you EARN (called interest) from your Roth, you cannot take out without fees until you are 59.5 years old.

Step 9: Once you’ve connected your bank account, continue on to e-sign and set up a username and password for the website.

Step 10: After the basic paperwork is completed, you get to select your funds – aka where you will invest your money. For beginners (or really, for anyone, this is my favorite fund and it’s what I still have) I recommend what’s called a Target Date Account. This is a nicely automated account where you won’t have to play around and rebalance much or at all over the years. The account rebalances itself for you. Basically, you choose how old you’d like to be when you retire and then think of what year it will be when you are that age. So if I want to retire at 65, and it’s 2018 now and I’m currently 34, it will be 31 years until I retire, in the year 2049. So I would choose Target Date Fund 2049.

If you don’t know exactly what age you’d like to retire, don’t let that deter you. I recommend setting your retirement age for 65, and then you can fiddle with things later. So what year will it be when you’re 65? Pick Target Date [That Year], and move on.

For a Target Date Fund, as I said above, you will need at least $3000 to open an account. If you have $1000 and want to get started, I recommend selecting a Vanguard Star Fund and then transferring everything to a Target Date Fund when you have the $3000 (this is actually what I did). There are many reasons why I like Target Date Funds better than the Star Fund, especially for people in their 30s or younger, but it’s a different topic, so I’ll explain it in another post.

There you go! You did it! You’ve opened up a Roth IRA! If you have questions, feel free to contact us at omgim30@gmail.com, or call Vanguard themselves at 877-311-0016. They’re great to talk to and will help you set things up if you’re confused. Hope this helps!

I had just finished working the Comic Book Convention (Comic Con) and was tired but satisfied. After the last day of work, I had an amazing, celebratory-style dinner until late, and then I went home and knocked out hard. I slept for almost 14 hours. When I woke up I felt happily rested, but was shocked to see that it was 2:40pm! A sleep record!

I had great dreams during that record sleep, though, one after another, leaving me giddy and feeling fresh. My mood lasted most of the day, until a weird, upset feeling filled my stomach. I couldn’t trace the uncomfortable sensation at first, but I wouldn’t let it persist without thinking it through. Lately I’ve been trying to not let upset feelings hinder my mood without tracking their source. Sometimes I know the origin right away, and other times it surprises me.

It took me awhile to locate the source of my mood spoiler, and then I realized. It was so silly. My bad mood came from the fact that I didn’t want to go to the gym.

Because I woke up so late, I worked and did errands until way later in the day than usual, and left the gym for last. But my body was tensing up about it, not wanting to go running in the dark, and just wanting to chill out on the couch since it was already 9pm.

I laughed in realization, but the laughter did not shake the feeling. Sometimes even when I can place my distress, I can’t shake the storm clouds. But I went to the gym anyway- running around the neighborhood in the dark until I got to the door of my fitness center. I goaded myself out of the house with promises of exciting music, guilty pleasure 90s tunes and some David Bowie. When I got back home, I felt better, but a habitual mild tension remained.

The next day, a similarly uncomfortable feeling raced through my body all day. I looked around for where the feeling came from and it took me a few hours to place: I was dreading a new client that I hadn’t met yet and a show I’d never worked before. Sometimes I get weirdly stressed before work with a totally new client, even though I’ve been working in this field for at least 13 years. Force of habit.

Nothing was really wrong in both scenarios mentioned above. Usually nothing in particular is wrong. My body isn’t warning me of imminent danger or forecasting bad omens ahead. There’s just a habit in place of getting uncomfortable about things I don’t want to do, or worrying about run of the mill things that happen all the time.

So go ahead and take your upset feelings seriously, but see if you can trace them before they sweep you away. Take habitual discomfort with a grain of salt and see whether your stress is a rerun, repeating time after time and leading you to think something is seriously wrong. It pays to take a breath and remind yourself that most things are okay and you’re allowed to not worry all the time. In fact, the worry you may be facing down may not be helping you with anything, but instead hindering you from enjoying the current moment and looking forward to the future.

Sometimes I lay down after work in my jacket and don’t want to go running in the rain- but his day I dragged myself up and out and had a good run anyway. After all, I love running!

If you’ve been following this blog for the past few years, you may know that I’ve been on a quest to pay off my student loans since… basically forever. Actually, for the first few years after I graduated, as my debt amount surged while interest piled up, I simply lived in hopeless despair. I wondered what magical miracle would occur that would enable me to pay off more than $100,000 (yes that 6th zero belongs) worth of debt – and for undergrad only! I’m not even a doctor or a lawyer or even a prosperous business person- I have a DRAMA degree, for god’s sake! And that $100,000 total is with ONE YEAR PAID OFF ALREADY by mom and grandma! So even with a whole year of school paid off, plus some financial aid, my loans were STILL that much!

And the loan kept growing, even after college ended, because in the first few years after graduation I’d decided that since my interest was high on the smaller of the two loans (one was for around $86,000 and the other was $14,000), I’d put the smaller loan on forbearance (effectively deferring it) and not pay it for awhile.

I know now that this is BACKWARDS thinking- it’s a really bad idea to put loans on forbearance unless you’re absolutely desperate and have no other choice. To be fair, most people put loans on forbearance because they have no other choice- I myself was the definition of desperate- so the warning is probably unnecessary. But forbearance is a horrible sneaky trap that only punishes your future self while your current self breathes a very temporary sigh of relief. I got the 14k loan down to 11k with a lot of blood sweat and tears, and then put that loan on forbearance for a year. When I started paying it again, after only one year of deferment, the loan had GONE BACK UP to 14K! As if I had never made a dent! The experience was both sickening and horrifying.

NYU is even more expensive now- disgustingly expensive. Somewhere around 70K a year expensive. It’s wayyyy overpriced, and pricing seems to only be only going up. The thing is, many colleges are following that same path of being completely out of line overpriced- the problem is not just NYU. To be fair, I really enjoyed my NYU program- I had private conservatory training in all aspects of acting, directing, and theater, and the 4 years were pretty amazing. It’s not a bad school. But the loans afterwards all but buried me- and I don’t recommend anyone ever taking on that kind of student loan debt. Ever. Even if you’re going to medical school or something that should fast track to a lucrative career, I’d still advise you to think your finances through very carefully.

In a blaze of glory I finally completed my last student loan payment this February, 2018. I still can’t believe it. I remember the day I hit ‘send’ on that last payment- I cried. My body shook in front of my computer and nothing made sense. The student debt that had hung over my head for so many years of my early adult life was finally gone. It felt like a miracle- but it wasn’t. It was the result of an incredible amount of work and very carefully calculated planning. Even making very little money per year, I finally did it. I did it.

Laura and I have been talking about creating an OMG I’m Thirty video series for awhile. We took the opportunity of being in the same city for a brief stretch to shoot our first one together. Hopefully one day I will be able to consistently identify where the camera lenses is on an iPhone!

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When I was 24 or so, I went to visit my brother in Europe. He was studying abroad in Italy, and we were thrilled to use the weeks I came out there to build a fun Euro Trip together. We excitedly met in Athens, then hit up Amsterdam, Barcelona, back to Florence, and then Palermo, Sicily before I left to go back home. It was a two week trip in total, and it was quite a journey.

I’d gone through a bad break up right before I left for that trip, which included an almost-getting-back-together moment (or a few), and then my ex and I ending things for good, followed by him almost immediately posting photos on social media with a new woman. It was honestly all for the best that it ended, but I was extremely upset when I arrived in Europe, and my brother and I talked a lot of it out. As we climbed the Parthenon, he listened as I told him the complete story. As we breezed by Amsterdam Ferris wheels and laughed through the Heineken Museum, he gave me some advice. And I listened while he told me about how he was feeling homesick in Italy, and how it was difficult that he didn’t speak much of the language. I shared my experiences studying abroad in Italy 4 years prior and any helpful tips I had. We had a lot of catching up to do and the first week we spilled our all of our frustrations to each other, meandering over and around the canals of Amsterdam and visiting the mysterious Oracle of Delphi (which was closed). It was a time of wandering through lands unfamiliar and magical and funny and strange.

We sat together in the lobby of our hostel while, on a shared communal computer, my brother stood by me as I deleted my ex from all social media. We guided each other through some odd and new territory.

Then something changed about halfway through the trip- there was a lifting. We sat on a beach in Barcelona and sunk our feet into the sand and stared at dripping Gaudi buildings and felt free and alive. The problems started to soar out of our minds as we swam through that Spanish sea, replaced by a feeling of wonder. And the joyful giddiness stayed with us as we slurped spaghetti in Sicily and went bar hopping through ice bars and breweries and laughed and met strangers and felt like both grown ups and children again.

Now I’m on the tail end of a road trip with my family and I feel the same lifting as back then. I started this trip with an angst- nothing to do with the road trip- the trip is what helped. The feeling is the July angst I talked about in my last blogpost What Happens In Summer. Big questions play through my head in July and August and make these months a time of strong re-evaluation. But on this trip, and on many others with my family, I go through a period of release similar to that voyage through Europe. There’s something about being away for fun (and not just for my usual work travel), something about the open road. Something about talking to my family, talking to my brother again, who reminds me that dwelling on anxiety and toxic repetitive thoughts isn’t useful, and brings me back to the simple idea that the most important thing for me is my own happiness.

Whether splashing on a beach in Barcelona, or driving down the open road through some small southern town, occasionally you just need to let all the inside things out to remind yourself of what’s really important.

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July is always a month of pondering for me. It’s one of my two favorite months of the year – with the other being August. I love summer- it’s my hands-down most treasured time of year, and with the glorious sun, the heat-like-hugs, easy-livin, sundresses, outdoor eating, endless walking outside, barbeques, lying in the park, being in nature- I just feel a sense of love and peace.

In the very beginning of July, though, there’s always a slight angst to my mental state. My usual work-travel schedule slows down and I have a pretty long work break, and that gives me time to think about all the things. I strongly believe that most of us, myself very much included, go around using work busy-ness as an excuse to not think about other parts of our lives and address deeper issues that may be going on. Big questions come up for me in July,, such as: “what am I doing with my life?” (Easy). And “how can I make way more money doing something different than what I’m doing now?” crosses my mind about a million and four times. Also “will I find a life-partner connection at some point in my life?” You know, the simple stuff.

I feel like it’s important to let the angst play out and to face the questions, instead of covering them up with even more busy-work. I try not to run from the angst, and instead to relax into it as much as I can, and know that it’s okay. It’s okay to question things. In fact, I believe questioning is crucial. On the other side of a repetitively angsty feeling is usually an important task and the path to some real change- but there’s the risk of possibly being uncomfortable for a bit.

Of course, you don’t want to simply have angst and anxiety run rampant through your mind. It’s important to slow down sometimes and change the subject- to walk into nature, meditate and let go, feel the sun on your face, listen to the ocean, eat good food with good friends. If anxiety comes up, let it be okay and eventually relax into it. The goal is to let the big future questions wash over you while still enjoying the now- even the silliest little details like cute dogs or long walks with cool trees.

Summer is a good time for all of this.

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I’m nearly 6 months pregnant, and while I’m more excited and physically comfortable now than I was during the first 3 months, there’s still a feeling of loneliness and fear that’s been pervasive the whole time. To feel alone during one of the most universal of life journeys is an odd feeling.

I know this is not many women’s experience. They have close friends with infants and toddlers who live nearby, or they live near a mother, mother-in-law or sister who can offer guidance. Or, they just generally have more friends with children.

I don’t have any family in Los Angeles, and most of my friends here are writers and filmmakers who don’t have children. I mention they are writers/filmmakers only because many of my artist friends have had to make the choice of their art over having a family. Children are expensive and time-consuming. Most of us have day jobs with salaries that leave us living paycheck to paycheck. Also, being a writer demands a lot of you; not only your time, but your mental space and kids take up a ton of mental space.

So, I find myself sometimes dreaming of venting over a mocktail (more on that word later) to a pregnant friend about everything – not just the good, but the fears, anxieties, stress and not to mention, the constipation, heartburn, you name it…

And speaking of mocktails…oh my, how I miss a stiff cocktail. Especially one in an icy glass with something citrusy and vodka. It doesn’t help that I unabashedly love drinking. The whole bar experience is one I love and miss tremendously. Of course, I still often find myself at bars, for events, birthdays, etc., but I get the special pleasure of watching other people drink while I try to trick my brain into thinking my seltzer water with a lime is doing the trick (It’s not doing the trick). One friend who struggled with drinking told me that he drinks tonic water with ice because the flavor somehow fool his brain into thinking it’s alcohol. Well, my brain is not easily fooled, thank you very much. I wish I had one pregnant friend who could come with me to a bar and we could bitterly commiserate over our ‘mocktails.’ Also, the word ‘mocktail’ – ugh. They’re aptly named as they just mock me with their non-alcohol, high calorie nutritional nothingness.

I’ll pause right here to say – I have great friends – and for that, I feel extremely lucky and grateful. But it would be nice to talk about it all at length – to speak about the experience as it’s happening and hear that experience validated and understood.

I have one close friend who has a son who’s closer to 8 years old, and a friend who just gave birth (which I am grateful for!). But the friend who just gave birth lives pretty far from me, so it’s not convenient.

Part of the reason it also feels lonely is not simply that I don’t have other women near me going through a similar experience, but because I’m changing. Me. The person I know best of all and whose consistent, reliable likes and dislikes comfort me. Intellectually, I’m aware that I won’t be the same person in 3.5 months, but I can’t say exactly how I will be different.

People tell me I’ll make “mom friends” and I hope I will. I know there are mommy and me groups, yoga, etc. But we all know how challenging it is to make friends in your 30s and older anyway. People are already so set in their friend groups.

I did try a pre-natal yoga class and awkwardly tried to make conversation with other moms, but it was strained, and most of them already had their ‘groups.’ I could spend more time on online forums, and I keep meaning to do that – so maybe that’s an option.

Once the little dude is here, it will probably be easier to meet new friends. But for now, it sure seems like I’m in a bubble. Maybe I should be easing into the lonely feelings when they come, and know the little guy in there probably feels pretty lonely and scared too…

Welcome back! Well, I’m kind of saying welcome back for us- for you I say thanks for hanging in there! I know it’s been quite awhile since we last wrote (Jane posted our official welcome back last week, but I want to chime in as well and say THANK YOU to you guys for once again reading!). I’m really happy to be writing here again! It’s serendipitous that I’m in Orlando right now while writing this, because the last post I wrote for OMGIm30, back in January, was also written in Orlando- and was actually about Orlando.

One of the reasons I took a break from writing was that my work travel schedule had gotten completely insane (my busiest travel time is January-May). Another reason was that I felt like I wanted to revamp the site and fix a bunch of issues with wordpress. One of the issues we’ve been having is that people who view our site on mobile devices have trouble subscribing to our email list, so if any awesome tech nerds are reading this and have ideas how to solve this through wordpress, please drop us a line at omgim30@gmail.com. It would be really appreciated!

Anyway, there’s a lot of other tweaks to the site I’d like to make- but the real writing issue wasn’t the tweaks or the travel- it was that I was waiting and waiting for all complex things in my life to be done and fixed before I started writing again. I was really waiting for perfection before I could resume. And that’s where I started thinking “the perfect is the enemy of the good.”

..Which is a famous phrase, basically coming down to not completing a task because it feels impossible to complete perfectly. An example of ‘perfect being the enemy of good’ is not publishing a blogpost because I felt like it could be edited another 3 times and was not sure it was absolutely perfect. Another example is putting off writing any posts for months because I didn’t feel like my life or schedule was perfect.

This whole concept is closely related to the Nirvana Fallacy, where tasks aren’t even STARTED because they’re regarded as ‘imperfect’. A good example of the Nirvana Fallacy is someone saying to me, ‘why bother being a vegetarian if you’re not fully vegan? If you still eat eggs and dairy, you harm animals anyway. Why not just eat meat too and screw it?” Or even someone saying “sex ed classes don’t work because kids are still going to have unsafe sex.” Sigh. That’s the Nirvana Complex in action- where you shoot something down that REDUCES harm because it doesn’t COMPLETELY eradicate harm.

How much does the pursuit of perfection overshadow the pursuit of good in your own life? When have you found yourself trapped in the Nirvana Complex as an excuse to not do something you think is important? Here’s to us all going for it anyway! And welcoming in new beginnings!

Imperfect rainbow in Orlando. Still a good rainbow, even though it’s above a McDonalds.

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So, it’s been exactly 5 months since we’ve written, and we apologize for that abrupt and unexpected hiatus! I wish we had a good reason for it, but really, it just kind of happened. One week of no writing rolled into two weeks of no writing, and the next thing we knew – it’d been months without a new post. We’d talk about getting back to it, but there was never a solid plan.

But in May, Laura and I took a girls trip to Cabo, Mexico (see below!) and got to talking about the blog, and what we wanted to accomplish. We both decided we really want to just have fun and experiment, and write about topics we’re interested in.

For me, that means writing about a lot of the new life stuff happening for me. Namely, I’m getting married and having a baby. (And to all those single ladies in their 30s who are scared of not meeting someone and being able to have a baby before they can’t anymore, a reminder that I was single at 34. So you just never know). I’ll talk about that more in a future post.

Stay tuned. We’ll be posting more and can’t wait to hear your thoughts!

Even though two nights ago I literally got zero hours of sleep, I decided to go for a run tonight. “I’m in Orlando,” I thought, “I can finally run outside.” Since I’d had to wake up at 4:30am for the flight to Orlando, I figured I might as well get a little ‘Orlando time’ in. After all, I’d been working inside an Orlando convention hall for 11 hour days, two days in a row. The outside world had to be better than that.

But it wasn’t. The second I was outside, I ran into what amounted to a giant parking lot lined with stores and hotels. There wasn’t really anywhere to run that didn’t put me onto a highway or into the sides of parked cars.

So I decided to move in a circle. “That’s Orlando for you,” I thought, picking up my pace. My first racing loop was around 8 minutes, and I wanted to run for at least 30. So I began a second loop. I found a side road that was maybe almost a sidewalk which ended eventually but added depth to my loop.

It was dark outside but still warm and a light misty rain began to fall. It felt really good to be outside. I ran past dim windows with people playing pool, a Hooters with staff hovering by the cash register, a Disney Gift shop, a ‘supermarket’ that mainly sold soda and beer. I ran past our cheap Comfort Inn pool- which had a waterslide that was built into a fake rock. “This is really the Orlando experience,” I thought. And I laughed, and I ran. And a light, sticky happiness filled me up inside.

I felt happy to be in the heat, in the misty rain, listening to my Spotify Discover Weekly, running by the side of the road, past a Denny’s and a Cici’s pizza. I felt happy to breeze by the window of a tacky Irish Pub with not one, but two Cornhole games outside. I felt happy to be outside in Orlando, past another one of its lit up fountains, in all the glorious tackiness which I usually roll my eyes at.

I don’t know why a smile hovered on my lips instead of a breeze of complaints. I don’t know how that Orlando parking lot remained beautiful for the dusky fade of a half hour. Who knows. But I guess that happens sometimes. It happens.

Do you ever feel like you’ve made a ton of progress in an area, and then time goes by and maybe some tragic moments occur in your life and you forget all that progress ever occurred? You can’t remember what it felt like to feel accomplished in that area. You feel like you must have completely backtracked. No matter how hard you try, you’re not sure you can get back to the place where you once were. Everything feels ungraspable and transient.

I was handling some green bananas on my windowsill this morning, and was struck by progression happening even when it can’t be seen or felt. Let me clarify. The bananas had been sitting on the windowsill for a few days, and I had bought them very green to begin with. Yet their color hadn’t changed- it was still the same off-putting green I had seen originally in the grocery store. I don’t know what was defective about the bananas’ coloring, if anything, but when I picked one up, it was soft. And when I peeled and ate a green banana this morning it was perfectly ripe and sweet on the inside.

I’ve been at a bit of a spiritual loss lately. There was a death in my family, and I recently went through a break up, and there’s been a lot of holiday rushing around. I’ve just felt confused and a bit off-center. I’ve meditated almost every day, but I still don’t feel back to center for whatever reason. I’ve tried to accept the uncertain and off-center feelings rushing through me, and let them run their course, and that is as always a difficult thing to do. I like to feel happy all the time, as you do, certainly. But I know that it’s normal for other feelings to come into play, and I try not to block them or push them down. Still…it’s hard not to ask questions like: ‘am I spiritually going backwards?’ ‘Am I losing all of the progress I’ve made?’ ‘Will I ever feel centered again?’ ‘Will I ever feel grounded again?’

I look at the perfectly ripe green banana in front of me and observe that progress occurs naturally underneath an exterior that can seem stuck in a rut. Sometimes you just have to trust that somewhere deep inside, things are working themselves out.

So if you’re worried about being old, we’ve got your back, and don’t want you to worry. That said, we might as well all take precautions about getting old LATER in life as we can. (Though, honestly, there is no LATER…I know 60 something and 80 something year olds who are still quite young. And when you meet people like that, you’ll know that it really is an attitude…a youthful glow.)

But if you’re worried now about the physical aspects of getting old as well as preventing aging skin, I want to bring up one expensive adult purchase that I’ve really gotten into in my 30’s: eye cream.

Eye creams can prevent and/or solve many issues associated with aging skin. These are: dark circles under the eyes (too much adulting? Or let’s be honest…partying?), puffiness (a really good cry? adulting again?), or eye wrinkles (darn smiling for more than 30 years).

And ya see, I’m a big smiler. I smile for work. I smile when I’m off of work. I smile way too much- because when I don’t I have Resting Bitch Face. So I think I’ve accidentally trained myself not to stop smiling. This constant smiling can cause lines around my eyes, which is something I’d like to prevent in my youthful 30s decade. So I’ve gotten into eye cream- something I’ve always put on my “Ridiculously Way Too Expensive” list in my 20’s, but now have put on my “It’s My Damn Face So It’s Worth It!” list in my 30s.

Also, eye creams aren’t always as expensive as you think. We found an amazing page on Reviews.com that has a list of eye creams with natural ingredients, from the very expensive to very affordable. Here’s the link to find the best eye cream for you. This list is great, as these eye creams have all been tested and compared and are highly recommended by multiple dermatologists and a ton of skincare research. I’m personally making my way through this list, though before I found it, the eye cream I’ve liked is Shiseido. Now I’m using Biossance from Sephora, which is amazing and really new. It hits the spot with my puffy eyes (I’m a stomach sleeper), plus smile-caused eye-crinkles.

I like how this list eliminates eye creams with questionable ingredients or packaging- I definitely lean towards putting more natural ingredients on my face. The reviews.com eye cream research really narrows the eye cream list and divides the creams according to their perks (dark circles, wrinkle prevention, or puffiness).

We’ll have more recommendations for anti-aging as we go— and it’s not all products. Attitude, quality sleep, stress reduction, eating well, and more all contribute to youth well into your 90s! So enjoy your 30s, try some eye creams if you like, and stop saying you’re old for goodness sake!

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A few weeks ago, a package arrived in the mail from a friend. It was a small box that was surprisingly heavy. The return address on the package said it was from The Monastery Store in Mt. Tremper, New York. Hmm. I knew a friend was mailing me a package as she had told me to be expecting something…but what was this?

When I opened the box, I discovered a small cast iron Buddha looking statue. What was this thing, I thought? A Buddha to pray with?

The packaging slip included described this little guy as “3” Cast Iron Jizo.” Okaaay. Who is that? (Sounds a little naughty too, but ahem, I digress…).

Before calling my friend to thank her for her gift, I did a little research. (Didn’t want to be completely Jizo ignorant.) So, apparently a Jizo is a Bodhisattva (Japanese Buddhist god) who plays the role as a protector of children and unborn children who died before their parents.

“The statues are believed to be protectors of children and unborn babies in traditional Japanese Buddhist teachings. It is believed that as the babies did not have the chance to build up good karma on earth, Jizo helps smuggle the children into the afterlife in the sleeves of his robe.”

But Jizo is more than that. As The Monastery Store describes on their website: “Small, yet fierce as a mother protecting her child, Jizo Bodhisattva–Ksitigarbha, or “Earth Womb”–aids all those in the six worlds of existence who need relief from suffering.”

I hadn’t experienced a miscarriage, but I have had a rough year. When that package arrived in the mail, I’d been feeling lost, unsettled and uncertain of everything for awhile, on and off. My friend, so kindly, wanted to give me a little peace.

I put my Jizo on my bedside table, where she (he? I don’t know, but I like to think of her as a woman) watches over me and provides me comfort. I do feel a small sense of relief when I look over at the statue before I go to bed and wake up in the morning.