My bf is just starting a course on anger management for SA survivors. Anger has been a major problem in our relationship - my bf does not show anger when he should, has a hard time expressing it properly, and many times he has a hard time controlling it when it does arise.

What is weird is that my BF is really now into the "feeling his anger" thing.. and claiming that he never really felt it before. I am confused with this - he never really had a hard time showing his anger - we have had serious fights which have involved some major verbal abuse and some shoving and slapping (verbal abuse mostly from him - shoving started by him followed by me shoving back and slapping him (once - across the legs)

it seems that his anger and his pulling away is getting worse, not better. I am just confused as to how he could claim that he never felt his anger when he had no problems being very demonstrative about it.. and why things are getting worse rather than better.

PAS - Let me explain 2 things first. (1) Thoughts - Feelings - Actions/Behaviors are three different components of our being; each comes from a different source within; and (2) if we don't talk it out, we act it out. With this said, you and your bf have generally acted out the feelings physically interacting or verbally hurting each other. I believe when your bf says "feeling his anger", he is becoming aware of emotions/feelings that are building within himself [not acting on this build up]. Feeling angry and acting on anger are two seperate entities. If you feel the stress and hurt/pain/ etc...but don't talk it out, THEN you act it out physically, verbally, kick/hit walls, throw objects, whatever. If you feel your anger, you can talk it out and healthfully express that emotion in a safe, appropriate way.

Hope this sheds some light?

Howard

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If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anonIt's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anonYou're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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