I don't know about you, but I prefer to spend as little time as possible on the cylinder in the sky. Every time I make a trip, I'm baffled at the amount of people that corral the desk at the gate waiting for their zone to be called so they can scramble on board as quick as possible. For what?! Congrats, you are now the first one in your seat, an aisle seat at that, and will have to get up 18 times to make way and accommodate the rest of us idiot passengers who took our time. By the way, have you noticed these are the SAME passengers that are the first to rip their seat belts off the second the seat belt sign turns off upon landing? They are upright in the aisle immediately throwing elbows to ensure no one encroaches on their space so they can run right off the plane. HELLO -- ever notice the methodology in deplaning? One aisle at a time dip shit. Wait your turn, we all want off.

The Black SharpieWhy the hell is this thing called a "magic marker"? What is so magical about it? I don't know about you but my Sharpies don't pull rabbits out of hats or tell me my mystery card is the five of diamonds. It just ends up getting shit all over my hands that doesn't come off for days. What's magical about that? I'm calling bullshit.

The Random Mall Massage Kiosk

Is shopping really that stressful that you feel it's immediately necessary to have a random Asian man, rub you down in front of hundreds of passer-byers?

Trust me, if you're already stressed you'll likely not feel better when learning how much of a jackass you look like with your head plunged in that donut thing and your ass crack hanging out.

Conversations In The Dental Chair

This one needs no explanation. How the hell do you expect me to answer your questions while you're plunging hardware in my mouth? It's okay, I know you don't care about what's happened in my life in the past six-months. I won't be offended if you do not ask.

Posting "Horrible" Pictures

NEWSFLASH: No one posts a bad picture of themselves. Ever.

If you post a picture of yourself on social media and quickly comment saying "This is a horrible picture of me..." we all know you're lying. You haven't posted a picture of yourself in 2 years and the first one you decide to post is a horrible one? Yeah...okay.