The winner shall receive the ultimate glory: a feast of carp, sloths, yams and breakfast cereals, as well as twenty thousand dollars cash. The loser shall be cast into Bellator purgatory forevermore. Tis a fate some consider worse than death, and other, humorless people oft lose their shit over when we joke about it.

The UFC makes its first stop in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada, tonight, and yes, the lineup is somewhat garbage-ass. That’s what happens when you lose your original main event and then your co-main event due to injuries. But the show must go on, and we’ll be here liveblogging the pay-per-view broadcast all night, whether you join us or not. (Please join us. Please?)

Handling our play-by-play is Anthony Gannon, who will be stacking live results from the UFC 161 main card after the jump beginning at 10 p.m. ET. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and throw in your own analysis in the comments section.

This Saturday night, Zuffa heads up North to Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada for another injury-altered card which saw Renan Barao vs. Eddie Wineland cancelled due to an injury suffered by the interim bantamweight champion (you guessed it, the actual bantamweight champion was also unavailable due to injury) and replaced by Rashad Evans vs. Dan Henderson as your main event. So…who’s looking forward to all the excitement of 50+ takedown attempts? You guys? ANYONE?!

Join us now as we try to find a way into the winner’s circle by highlighting a few undercard and all main card bouts for UFC 161. All betting lines courtesy of BestFightOdds.

Undercard bouts:

John Maguire (-250) vs Mitch Clarke (+210)

Mitch Clarke will be looking for his first win in his third contest inside the Octagon against -250 betting favorite John Maguire. Both fighters are coming off back-to-back losses and may be fighting for the right to stay in the UFC, so to assume that both men will be giving an honest fight would be an understatement. John Maguire looked outstanding in his first two outings but clearly hit the wall when facing more well-rounded fighters in the 170lbs division. Playing MMA math is not always wise, but Maguire may win this fight due to the level of competition he has faced in the UFC compared to that of Mitch Clarke. Maguire to win.

In a fight that is all but guaranteed to end in a decisive, if not brutally violent fashion, it appears that heavyweight contenders Stefan “Skyscraper” Struve and Mark “Mark” Hunt are set to collide at UFC 146, which now features an all heavyweight lineup as its main card for the first time in UFC history. Thank God it’s not being held at a high altitude.

Hunt has had perhaps the most startling career resurgence in recent memory, scoring three straight octagon victories over Chris Tuchscherer, Ben Rothwell, and most recently Cheick Kongo, with two of those victories coming by way of destructive KO. This was made even more shocking due to the fact that Hunt was only picked up by the UFC in order to fulfill a contract he had signed back in his PRIDE days before the organization was absorbed by Zuffa.

Struve, on the other hand, will be looking to add another three fight win streak to his current 7-3 octagon record come May 26th. We last saw him at UFC on FUEL: Sanchez vs. Ellenberger, when he dispatched ManbearpigDave Herman via second round TKO. Prior to that, Struve choked out our boy Pat Barry in the first round of their UFC Live 6 co-headliner bout.

Silva, who is returning from a one-year suspension for submitting artificial urine to the California State Athletic Commission in an attempt to mask steroid use ahead of his UFC 125 win over Brandon Vera, was originally slated to rematch “The Truth” at UFC on Fuel 3 on May 15 before a training injury forced his opponent out of the bout. Igor Pokrajac stepped up to replace Vera, but it looks like the UFC will now have to find a replacement for the Croation.

Before dropping a unanimous decision to Nate Diaz at UFC 141, Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone had arguably the best 2011 of any fighter out there, scoring victories over Paul Kelly, Vagner Rocha, Charles Oliveira, and Dennis Siver, three of which came by way of stoppage. And although he ended the year on a loss, Cerrone will be looking to start off 2012 with a big win when he takes on 60 fight veteran Yves Edwards at UFC on FX 3, which goes down at the Patriot Center in Fairfax, Virginia on May 15th.

Now that we’ve all officially finished binge-eating/drinking our way through Christmas, our good pal DW is back and with a late gift of his own – the gift of heartbreak. In typical fashion, this week’s Danavlog focuses on the aftermath of UFC 140, giving us a behind the scenes look at the pre and post-fight moments of Tito Ortiz, Jon Jones, and perhaps most importantly, Krzystof Soszynski, who, after suffering a 35 second knockout at the hands of Igor Pokrajac, informs us that he has fought his last MMA contest. Whether he is just pulling a BJ Penn on us or is truly sincere about his decision remains to be seen, but if we really have witnessed the last of “The Polish Experiment,” we here at CP would just like to thank him for all the great fights and wish him the best of luck in his future endeavors.

I’m not sure what sort of pre-fight pep talk was given to the fighters in their locker rooms last night, but I hope somebody recorded it to play at all future events. “Never leave it in the hands of the judges” doesn’t begin to capture the sentiment that most of the fighters carried with them to the Octagon. Last night’s finishes were emphatic and extraordinary. Knocking your opponent out wouldn’t do—it would have to tie for the quickest KO in UFC history. Subbing the previously untapped wasn’t enough—you had to break them or render them unconcious.