Ahhh…the last cheesecake of the year. It’s all good – we need a vacay. Some would say desperately.

Biggest Disappointment: The returning stars’ dances

Courtney: It was actually painful to watch some of these The Hoff belting the theme song to Baywatch while Kym, Peta, and another pro frolic about in red swimsuits? Margaret & Florence prancing around in the world’s tackiest costumes while the resident pocket-sized pros (Louis & Corky) gyrate around them? Rick & Kurt doing the requisite “Athlete vs. Athlete” paso doble in costumes in their old teams’ colors? Don’t even get me started on The Situation’s dance…if you can even call it that. It was more like an exercise in self-love and machismo. As for Brandy & Maks…*sigh* Yes, it was and still is a very cute quickstep, but seeing it for a 3rd time was a bit of a yawn for me. I know, I know, they allegedly “didn’t have any time” to choreograph something new – but from what I’ve seen of finale-hopefuls on the show in the past, some of them actually start working on their freestyle as soon as the show starts…they literally start brainstorming and choreographing from week 1. I was kinda hoping Brandy & Maks had maybe done the same thing and had at least a portion of their freestyle that they could have performed for us, especially since Bruno requested it. Oh well. I guess I should have expected to be let down by the returning celebs’ dances, since they’ve been on a pretty steady decline the past few seasons. I still shudder at that reprise of Kate’s paso last season

Heidi: Well, at least the opening dance wasn’t the massive trainwreck that it was last season. I mean, that’s really all you can expect me to remember, right? Seriously, I watched them again and I thought Anna’s dress was really cute and did you notice she had Kurt’s number inked in small numbers on her back?? Digging deep for something positive to say and I’m coming up pretty empty. The Sitch’s was so bad that it wasn’t even cheesy – it was just bad.

The “Zip it!!!” Award: Bristol’s comment about giving the middle finger to all her “haters”

Courtney: Oy vey. If a good portion of viewers were like me, they probably let out a collective “D’oh!” and slapped their foreheads a la Homer Simpson when this gem slipped past Bristol’s lips in the confessional. Even Mark seemed to let out a little warning yip as she said it, as if saying “DUDE! DON’T TAKE IT THERE!” If there’s anything that I don’t think ANY competitor should do in the finals, it’s being anything less than gracious and polite – and this comment kinda stomped all over that. It just came across as a bit vindictive and actually kinda crass to me – and I don’t think it helped that she brought up her mom’s name. And even if she did win – I don’t think it would have been much of a proverbial “middle finger” to her “haters” (and while we’re at it, I’m totally sick of hearing that word – it just sounds dumb…can we agree on a suitable synonym? Naysayers? Detractors? Skeptics?), considering that it seemed a pretty widely-held opinion that Bristol did not deserve to win…at least based on merit. And I can just hear the Bristol defenders now, calling me a “hater” just because I don’t worship the ground she walks on. I’m only gonna say this once: Bristol seems like a decently nice girl, but I don’t think she’s a good dancer and I don’t think it was appropriate for her to make that comment. That is not “hating”; that is having a rational opinion of someone that doesn’t involve any sort of personal vendetta. I’d say the same thing about anyone else on the show who said the same thing and was not a good dancer. And spare me the crap about how “Bristol is just a kid!” and “How would you feel if you were in her shoes and getting all this hate?” I don’t think anyone that signs up for the show should get preferential treatment just because of their age – there have been several contestants younger than Bristol that have dealt with the pressure just fine. And signing up for a reality show of ANY kind basically guarantees a target on your back for ridicule…anyone that thinks otherwise is living in a dream world.

Heidi: I know right? Bristol, that poor “kid” with all the “haters” is laughing all the way to the bank after making about 350k on DWTS and charging 35k a pop at her speaking engagements. That’s very…motivational speakerish…of her. I would be very eager to help teens for that wage too. My point, in talking about the cash, is that it just rings very false when she complains about haters. I’m sure there are actual haters out there (and no I don’t mean it in the bulls*^t way the immature tend to throw it around on this site and others when you don’t kiss someone’s butt), but they ALL have them – even the pros have “haters”. DEAL with it – you chose the public eye. I agree that she seems like a nice girl, but I didn’t like her behavior that last week (or recently) – SHE made it as much about politics and her mom as anyone did. My gripe was that she was NOT a good dancer, compared to several people who didn’t make it to the final. But it sure is convenient to cry politics for her fans, and quite hard to argue that she’s a great dancer. And yes, I hate that word “haters” and how it’s used as well – very immature.

The “Gag me with a SPOON!!!” Award: Mark Ballas and his pre-cage dance pep talk to Bristol

Heidi: :::hurl, puke, gack::: Mark saying, “Be a bad bitch. A bad bitch. Gimme some SEX…” This, I’m sorry to say, took me to a place in Mark’s private life that I REALLY didn’t want to go. I mean, ick. I never thought I was the sensitive type, but hearing those words come out of his mouth really really…..disturbed me. And the tone of voice!! What the hell kind of pep talk is this? I’ve never been a prude (far from it, actually) but this was just…ick. They didn’t even put in the captioning with the first part – would the network get them for the written word and not the spoken one? Everytime I watch this little segment (the things I do for you people) I cringe all over again.

Courtney: *shudder* Glad I wasn’t the only one that thought that exchange was icky. I found it funny that he told her to “give him some sex” – isn’t that kinda counterproductive to her activisting? (Did you all catch the made up word? ;-)) And isn’t that what got her into trouble in the first place? Oh, the irony. And if any guy is gonna call me a bad bitch and ask for sex…I’m gonna need at least an expensive dinner and a good bottle of wine before I’m even gonna think about obliging, hehe. I would expect a bit more out of Mark…I mean, he is Mr. Romance…couldn’t he have sprinkled some rose petals in the cage and popped open some bubbly before making that request? Or perhaps recited some Shakespeare? 😛

Heidi: Activisting…hmmm, let me call Oxford, maybe you can get it added. I hadn’t even thought of the irony – thank you, oh wise one, for taking my train of thought into the station at the end of the line. 😉

The “SHOW MUST GO ON!!” Award: Jennifer Grey

Heidi: Girlfriend has cojones people – and Broadway in her blood, apparently. A ruptured disk, a day at the hospital, and still she dances. For all the people whining about her crying too much and some claims of her faking it, the woman is hurt enough to require surgery last week and still sucked it up and performed, and did NOT utter a word any of the 500 times that Brooke asked her if her body was holding up. To the point that Brooke gets her own award again. GET WELL SOON, JENNIFER!!!

Courtney: My heart jumped up into my throat when they brought her out at the beginning of the show to talk about her injury…I was like “Noooo! Don’t tell me she’s bowing out at the 11th hour!!! Soldier through, Jennifer, soldier though! You’re almost there!” And thankfully, she did. And I completely echo Heidi’s sentiments about all the naysayers who were accusing Jennifer of malingering and faking her injuries – doctors don’t perform surgeries on minor bumps & bruises, and a ruptured disk is not something you can easily fake, like a stomach ache.

The “OH, STFU, Already” Award: Brooke Burke, asking Jennifer how her body was holding up no less than 500 times in a 2 hour period.

Heidi: Brooke, if she didn’t confess that she was going to fall apart the first three times you asked her, I doubt you were going to trick her into giving it all away the last 15 times you asked. The only time I really got that she was hurt was the look on her husband’s face after her first dance – dude was less than happy. Even my mother – the sage – mentioned it: “Her poor husband was soo worried.” I was like, “Mom, I have a really bad cold (to the point of not leaving my couch in four days) and you’re in paroxysms of guilt because you didn’t call me yesterday to see how I was – of course he was worried about her dancing with a ruptured disk.” But seriously, every time Brooke spoke to her, that was all she had – “Jennifer, how’s your body holding up??” She did manage to try Derek one of those times – “Derek, how scared were you?” I bet she about popped a blood vessel when Derek turned it into a “oh, everyone’s scared but I’m just glad we’re all here…yadda yadda PC Derek PC verbiage….” LOL. Poor Brooke – that had to be a frustrating night with no one cooperating and giving her the dirt/scoop she so desperately wanted.

Courtney: She’s like a discount parakeet at the pet store – y’know, the one that can only repeat a few useless phrases, and is incapable of learning new ones? I think I’ll just refer to her as Brooke the parakeet from now on. For the love of all things sacred Brooke, please – either improve or quit. You drive me bananas with your inane questions and subpar improvisational interviewing skills.

Heidi: LOL – but it did lead to a pretty good funny from Tom B. After the last scores and Derek’s PC response, Brooke says, “Oh, it just got very serious in here.” To which Tom replied, “That’s them SERIOUS??” I LOL’ed – dude kinda poked Brooke with a “don’t listen to the voices in your head” stick with that one. Maybe he’s trying to train her in improv? We can hope.

The “Pardon me, I was just hit by a truck” Award – Christina Aguilera

Heidi: I love Xtina, but the saying “rode hard and put away wet” kept running through my mind when watching her perform her first song. What’s going on here? The woman can undoubtedly sing, no question. She was just lookin’ a bit rough on this evening. “Beautiful” was beautifully done though – great song.

Courtney: I think the phrase that came to mind when I saw her had something to do with a train (those with dirtier minds can probably figure that one out ;-)). I mean, eee gad…did she even brush her hair before hitting the stage? And while I still think she’s a great singer, she seems to be developing a case of Mariah & Whitney-itis – her voice is sounding a little worn live, compared to what it used to be. Maybe she was having an off-night – who knows. But I have heard rumors floating around about her possibly being pregnant – and at first I brushed them off as nonsense, but I did go and see Burlesque last week and it is a bit peculiar how different her body looks in it. She’s definitely curvier now. Who knows. It was nice to see some familar faces performing with her on the results show though – anyone catch Chelsea Traille from SYTYCD season 4? Or Paula Van Oppen, the chick who turned down a spot in the top 20 of SYTYCD season 6 in order to do this movie? Or Tyne Stecklein of This is It fame who performed on DWTS last season with Teddy Forance? If only Julianne had been there. *sigh*

Heidi: What the hell is that thing?? It’s not lace, exactly, but it’s some kind of sparkly see-though body stocking with fringe attached over a bra and panties. Can I just vote her off the show for that outfit?? Girlfriend’s taste in costuming just seems to get worse and worse as the weeks go by. I’m pretty sure it’s possible to be edgy without being…..THAT. Whatever that is.

Courtney: Now while I don’t want to sway the voting of the end-of-season awards in any way, I have to say – I will be very surprised if Lacey does not win the worst dressed award. I mean, that black thing she was wearing…I mean, I don’t even quite know what to call it. Lady Gaga meets Elvira meets potential S&M costume reject pile? Ai ai ai. But I guess it’s what we’ve come to expect from Lacey!

Tom Bergeron Line ‘O the Night: “We don’t give them food, water…The Ballroom is like a veal pen”

Heidi: Smart is sexy, fer sure. So, raise your hand if you didn’t get the veal joke. I got it, but I always wonder if I’m alone in getting some of his obscure comments. That’s a slight paraphrase by the way. Court accidentally deleted the full thing and I’m too lazy to go back for an exact quote.

Courtney: *shudder* I don’t really want to think about veal in graphic detail, but I do give Tom props for yet another apt, cerebral reference.

The OTT Production Tick of Finale Night: The scores, all about the scores and nothing but the scores.

Heidi: Between them explaining the scoring, showing us the scores and Brooke asking about Jennifer’s body ad nauseum, we could have had one hell of a drinking game on Tuesday night. The hangover would have been murder. I mean, has DWTS ever seemed MORE defensive than it was this season?? Between “boo gate”, “maks gate”, etc. and the scoring issues, they are just bizarrely defensive. Suck it up, Conrad. Quit buying into your own hype and just enjoy the buzz. Who cares if they were booing Palin or not? Most who watch the show regularly know that wasn’t the case. The scoring is very clearly explained on the website and the press are too stupid to get it, then screw ’em. Being so defensive on both issues makes it seem like you WERE playing politics, and not in a good way.

Courtney: Why didn’t they just have Conrad walk center stage holding a sign that had in bold caps “WE ARE NOT RIGGING THE VOTING!” Because methinks the show doth protest too much – the more energy you put into explaining the voting & scoring process, the more we wonder if you really are hiding something nefarious. Let it be, powers that be!

Ultrasound sales specialist by day, semi-knowledgeable DWTS fan by night...with a smattering of hair & makeup enthusiast, occasional model, and crazy cat lady peppered in to make things REALLY interesting ;-) I might pee my pants in happiness if Donnie Wahlberg ever does DWTS - or if they ever use "Sunglasses at Night" as a paso doble. Check out some of my other work at pureamericasgottalent.com!

37 responses to "DWTS 11 Finale – The Cheesecake Awards!!"

Gosh you two make me laugh! The Gag Me With A Spoon Award! Priceless! Yes, it was icky!!!, but your comments just cracked me up!!! I think I read that part three times! I think Bristol and Mark were both losing it at the end. Between the middle finger thing from Bristol( couldn’t believe my ears when she said it!) and Mark’s “sexy talk” (not!), I think the stress was showing! Also wonder if Courtney is taking vocabulary lessons from Mama Palin! (in addition to the irony!) Activisting??!! Really??
I did get the Tom B. Line of the Night at the time! Can someone tell we why he has never won an Emmy?? There are some nights when he is the best part of the show!

Thank you Courtney and Heidi for your usual “right on the money” take on the cheese, some of it gooey and icky!, displayed on the show this season! Now I’m hopin’ Mark will be back for Season 12 just to see if he can “out- cheese” himself! (out-cheese” from the Palin Dictionary of English maybe???)

At first I pitied Bristol but then I realized that she’s a bitch under that innocent mask. And she has the guts to give the middle finger to her haters? Maybe if you would stop being a bitch then the hatred would be less? Gosh she’s homophobic against Margret Cho (who I dislike but she’s funny as hell). Bristol’s dancing was even more atrocious.

Ah how i love my cheesecake. I agree on the irony with the “talk” between mark and bristol. I’ll leave it at that. I’m glad you guys/gals mentioned the overly defensive part on the producers and powers that be. If one is innocent one has nothing to hide. But as to Christina Aguilera she may be pregant(don’t know but she looked it a little. and she won’t say didn’t with her fist baby either. she kept it a secret), or it could have been the stress of going through a divorce trying to keep everything normal at home so the child doesn’t worry and perform her songs in front of a live audiance on TV with people dancing around/with her. IDK though

So that’s the movie Paula turned down SYTYCD for thanks Courtney. I’m surprised you didn’t mention the fact that Julianne is also in the movie. As for Christina she has put on weight since the movie but I kinda wonder if going through a divorce might have something to do with it but the costume she wore was better than the one she wore on the amas.

As for Bristol…well I kinda agree saying what she said was uncalled for but I give her points for having the guts to say it. I shrugged it off cause I knew she wasn’t going to win. Though when she told Mark that she hadn’t seen Chicago…he should have made her sit down and watch it.

I love Tom…my only question is why does Jeff probst keep winning the Emmy?

Oh yeah I agree, I think Bristol is a first rate bitch and was believing her own hype. Very unsporting. It made the season so unpleasant.
ABC casting sold their souls to the devil this time. I really hope now with the FCC breathing down ABC’s neck that they give up quick ratings grab in casting polarizing political types who only succeed in hijacking fun entertainment for an agenda that has nothing to do with entertainment or dancing.

Oh and the fall out from all this nonsense? Skating with Stars is posting dismal ratings, which is to be expected given the “stars” are not exactly household names, but basement dwelling? I think a lot of people who might have found it mildly entertaining are just weirded out by Season 11 and glad it’s over. No more voting until ABC does something.

@Amanda – Yep, Burlesque was filming this time last year, and that’s why Paula turned down a spot in the top 20 of SYTYCD season 6, much to the shock of Nigel and pretty much everyone in America. I still think Paula would have been just as successful (if not more so) if she had actually done the show instead of bailing – then again, I don’t know that her personality would have been strong enough to stand out in last year’s cast, with all the strong personalities they had – Russell, Ryan, Ashleigh, Ellenore, Mollee, etc. Oh well. I actually did mention missing Julianne in that performance – I guess I implied that she was in the movie. I wonder why she opted not to perform on the show with the rest of her castmates though…maybe busy with other engagements? And Heidi & I are with you 110% on Tom being Emmy-less…what’s so great about Jeff Probst? Time to past the torch, brah…the tribe has spoken!

@Meggie – I actually have to give Heidi credit for coining “activisting” at the beginning of the season, when we first heard that they were trying to spin Bristol as a “teen activist”. I just threw it in for good measure and a sense of coming full circle this season 😉

And I generally agree with everyone’s assessment of Bristol at the end of the season – I think she definitely fell from grace a bit after that comment, and had the show gone on another week I think she would have suffered votes-wise because of it. Even my own mother, who had been throwing Bristol votes all season (because she “felt sorry for her”), was put off by it. I guess at that point it didn’t really matter because the votes had already been cast, but had she won…I think it would have created even more backlash, if that’s even possible.

Never thought I would say this but I kind of miss Samantha after living through Brooke this season…. There has to be someone out there that can interview; wait let Tom do double duty….I sure he could handle it.

I think I preferred when the eliminated stars came back and re-did one of their routines from the season. I think they over do it with the new routines. They tried to be funny, but it was just kind of lame.

Katy, I actually agree with you. I think Brooke seems nice as a person and yea shes ok as a co-host but Samantha was better. Idk why Sam even left in the first place. Like going to do a weekend report on ET and maybe just maybe if Mary Hart comes down with the flu she gets to fill in for her is just such a prize…reviting as it may be i dont really understand but hey its her life. 😀

Evainne you honestly hit the nail on the head with your ” Samantha keeps going on and on comment ” shes kinda like the Queen of England who also keeps going and going…..and going. 😛 And i this is really my last comment on the subject but i think one comment in confesionals which i read she regrets and pretty much apoligizwd for it is not enough to say oh shes a total creep. She was just put out, we all do things we regret when were put out I still think she seems nice. K im seriously sone now. So sorry! And great cheese!!! 😀

I don’t think Brooke is a great host, but she doesn’t really bother me. I just never really pay much attention to her I guess, just like I didn’t with Samantha Harris. If anything, Brooke’s awkward moments provide some laughter. I think Tom makes up for her anyway.

Once again, great post. Thanks for all your good efforts. I think I actually blocked a lot of stuff out! The Mark pep talk to that gal seems like part of a cautionary tale. How did he get from point A in the first week to that point at the end? To this day I cannot understand why he picked Fosse and went the whole shimmy route with her, and the guyliner. I’ll bet 95% of everyone drawing a paycheck from that show (minus producers) is relieved that the season is over. Kate G probably looks good by now.

In Lacey’s defense about that black costume, I gotta say…well not much to say. She definitely stands out?

Re: Post #19 Jennifer–> I don’t think it’s about Mark and Derek. Mark recently tweeted that he was watching Gladiator with his Dad and Derek. I think it was last night. Plus, they spent Thanksgiving together. The blind item is either about some other reality stars or is just something that was totally made up (If it was meant to be about Mark and Derek), IMO.

That blind item is definitely ABOUT Mark and Derek, but it doesn’t mean it’s true. Although blind items in theory are supposed to be true but intentionally slightly vague so as not to face legal ramifications, sometimes they just use them to stir shit up. Especially in this case, because they are obviously the subjects, but there is a lot of evidence contrary to this blind item.

I just gotta add about the middle finger comment. I don’t think that it, if it was the only crass thing she said or did, I don’t think it’s all that alarming coming out of the mouth of a 20 year old girl. I noticed it, and didn’t think it was the best way to put it, but I wasn’t put off by it immediately. Where Bristol failed towards the end of the season was the culmination of her behaviors. Her shitty dancing was an absolute eyesore for weeks, but she was overscored. Then as she did start to improve in the last two weeks, her scores got a little better but she complained that they weren’t good enough – and the gripes were very obvious and occurred on several different occasions. To me, she also didn’t look like she was trying very hard. Her weight gain, her attitude, her lack of improvement til the very end, Mark’s odd behavior – all of it screamed lack of effort. So I guess when she finally did start trying, she got better and didn’t feel like she got rewarded enough for it. Part of that onus is on the judges though, for scoring her way too high in the first place.
In addition to all that, her “I’m real” comment was very grating. We can tell when you are being “real”. The comments on the FB page with that kid were very crass and infantile. That’s why no one believed those statements were actually hers. We have seen her actual vocabulary – and it stinks to high heaven.
I don’t feel sorry for the girl, at all. She probably has some redeeming qualities, and occasionally I saw them on DWTS. Even Sarah Palin was slightly endearing in the way that I can appreciate her cheering on her daughter. I do hate her politics, but I really didn’t want to dislike Bristol, as she is not her mom. Towards the end it was really hard to find much to like, as she came across as entitled, oblivious, and bitchy.
But it’s become blatantly obvious that the Palins do share a very common trait – thin skin. I can’t even imagine this family in the White House.

Also, I never had a problem with Samantha Harris. I thought she did well, considering how hard it is to look good compared to Tom. I think it’s become even more obvious that the Samantha “haters” (lolz) were probably misguided in their “hate”. Now that Brooke is on the show I think a lot of people wish they’d kept Samantha.

How do you feel?
How do you feel?
Let’s change it up:
How does that make you feel?

While I didn’t like Samantha and think less of Brooke as an interviewer I will say that it must be hard to have someone speaking in your ear while trying to interview but really they both came off as vapid; another pretty face with no brain. There has to be someone out there that can interview and sound somewhat intelligent.

Also, Samantha had better choice of wardrobe; she really is a very attractive woman.

Jennifer, I saw that rumor and I don’t know. Derek was just watching a movie last night with Corky and Mark, so they appear to still be best friends. The only thing that really seemed to apply was the “end of a professional collaboration” and even that was off by about 6 months. I do think the one commenter was right, though – Derek is the up and comer and Mark is the one with the larger ego. I think it would be hard for Mark, with Derek seeming to get the lion’s share of attention these days. I would be surprised if there weren’t some issues there. People tend to be harder on family than anyone else.

Meggie, the blind item essentially said that two “so very close” friends and co-workers ended their personal relationship because their professional one ended and one has a big ego and the other is the up and comer – something like that. Nothing too horrible, really. It sounded like Mark and Derek, as they’ve been best friends since they were 11 and BHB broke up last year. But, they’re still good friends. I think a lot of those blind items are designed solely to keep people engaged in a site and getting “hits”. It’s just the LAZY way.

Thanks. Heidi! I hope they’re still good friends, as you suggested. I almost hope Mark succeeds with his solo music career to ensure they remain good friends. I’m also just dying to hear some good news about Derek and what his “up and coming” gig might be!

Yer welcome Meggie. I confess I had suspicions there for a while that they had fallen out, but if that was true it appears they are hanging together once again, although maybe not as much. Childhood friendships that last are rare, they should hold on to it.

I also confess that it is KILLING me to know what Derek has up his sleeve. He keeps hinting that 2011 is going to be a great year, although he could be talking about Cheryl, who knows? But then, he was at the Caucus Awards Dinner the other night – black tie affair that honors Producers, Directors and Writers of TV and Film. I found that to be very curious indeed. Something will leak eventually.

I think Samantha was great and an excellent “FIT” for the show. Brooke Burke may have good looks but cannot hold a candle to Samantha. If she stays I may stop watching dwts. Brooke is too into herself and brings nothing to the show.