Terry Jones "how they met" grammar
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From cs107-request@cs.Stanford.EDU Sat Apr 27 14:42:20 1996
Return-Path:
Received: from Sunburn.Stanford.EDU by monolith.Stanford.EDU (NX5.67e/NX3.0M)
id AA28759; Sat, 27 Apr 96 14:42:18 -0700
Received: from anduin.ocf.llnl.gov (anduin.ocf.llnl.gov [134.9.49.1]) by Sunburn.Stanford.EDU (8.7.1/8.7.1) with SMTP id OAA23954 for ; Sat, 27 Apr 1996 14:42:09 -0700 (PDT)
Posted-Date: Sat, 27 Apr 1996 14:42:09 -0700 (PDT)
Received: from odin.ocf.llnl.gov.ocf by anduin.ocf.llnl.gov (4.1/SMI-4.0)
id AA00330; Sat, 27 Apr 96 14:42:23 PDT
Received: by odin.ocf.llnl.gov.ocf (4.1/SMI-4.1)
id AA11230; Sat, 27 Apr 96 14:42:21 PDT
Date: Sat, 27 Apr 96 14:42:21 PDT
From: trj@odin.ocf.llnl.gov (Terry R. Jones)
Message-Id: <9604272142.AA11230@odin.ocf.llnl.gov.ocf>
To: cs107@cs.Stanford.EDU
Subject: how_they_met.g
Status: RO
Hello,
Here's a new grammar -- it sometimes produces a cute result...
-terry
##########################################################################
#
# Grammar: How they met
# Author: Terry Jones (trj@cs.stanford.edu, trj@llnl.gov)
#
# Please copy freely. If you make any additions or have any suggestions,
# please send them to me.
#
##########################################################################
{
. . ;
. . ;
<1960s-day-meeting> . . ;
<1950s-day-meeting> . . ;
<1920s-day-meeting> . . ;
<1800s-day-meeting> . . ;
. . ;
}
{
, ;
}
{
was working as , and was . ;
}
{
<1960s-day-meeting>
<1960s-Female> was working as , and <1960s-Male> was . <1960s-cross-paths> ;
}
{
<1950s-day-meeting>
<1950s-Female> was working as , and <1950s-Male> was . <1950s-cross-paths> ;
}
{
<1920s-day-meeting>
<1920s-Female> was working as , and <1920s-Male> was . <1920s-cross-paths> ;
}
{
<1800s-day-meeting>
<1800s-Female> was working as , and <1800s-Male> was . <1800s-cross-paths> ;
}
{
In a sequel sure to please, Hollywood will match with . The stars blaze across the silverscreen as he, who is , finds the love of his dreams quite unexpectedly. ;
}
{
Diana, her royal divorcee of Windsor, ;
Julie Zelenski ;
Cher ;
Margaret Thatcher ;
Madonna ;
Mother Teresa ;
Sharon Stone ;
Hillary Clinton ;
Zsa Zsa Gabor ;
Julia Roberts ;
Sally Ride ;
Priscilla Presley ;
}
{
Yassar Arafat ;
Pee Wee Herman ;
Woody Allen ;
Sadam Hussein ;
Oliver North ;
Jack Nicholson ;
Pat Buchannan ;
Sam Donaldson ;
Bill Gates ;
Michael Douglass ;
Stephan Hawking ;
Fabio ;
Jesse Jackson ;
Jessie Helms ;
Howard Stern ;
Axel Rose ;
Michael Jackson ;
the artist that is sometimes known as Prince ;
Rob Lowe ;
}
{
<1960s-Female>
Jane Fonda ;
Ursula Andress ;
Gloria Steinem ;
Barbara Carrera ;
Raquel Welch ;
Charo ;
Grace Slick ;
Sandra Dee ;
Joan Baez ;
Barbara Eden ;
Grace Kelly ;
Patty Hearst ;
Janis Joplin ;
}
{
<1960s-Male>
John F. Kennedy ;
George Wallace ;
Barry Goldwater ;
Prince Ranier ;
Jimi Hendrix ;
Joe Namath ;
Richard Feynman ;
Elvis Presley ;
John Lennon ;
Timothy Leary ;
Muhammad Ali ;
Fidel Castro ;
Henry Kissinger ;
Nikita Khruschev ;
}
{
<1950s-Female>
Marilyn Monroe ;
Mae West ;
Jane Russell ;
Elizabeth Taylor ;
Ingrid Bergman ;
Lauren Bacall ;
Katherine Hepburn ;
Sophia Loren ;
Bridgette Bardot ;
Donna Reed ;
Doris Day ;
Queen Beatrix , just in from the Netherlands , ;
}
{
<1950s-Male>
Albert Einstein ;
Laurence Olivier ;
Frank Sinatra ;
Joseph McCarthy ;
Jawaharlal Nehru ;
James Dean ;
Howard Hughes ;
John Edgar Hoover ;
Vivien Leigh ;
Alfred Hitchcock ;
Will Rogers ;
Clark Gable ;
Humphrey Bogart ;
James Stewart ;
Tony Curtis ;
}
{
<1920s-Female>
Agatha Christie ;
Marie Curie ;
Greta Garbo ;
Mary Astor ;
Amelia Earhart ;
Mary Pickford ;
Jean Harlow ;
Carole Lombard ;
Coco Chanel ;
Lilian Gish ;
}
{
<1920s-Male>
Bertrand Russell ;
Douglas Fairbanks ;
Rudolph Valentino ;
Enrico Caruso ;
Winston Churchill ;
Cole Porter ;
Charlie Chaplin ;
Sigmund Freud ;
Babe Ruth ;
Ernest Hemingway ;
Mohandas Gandhi ;
Carl Jung ;
Pablo Picasso ;
Enrico Fermi ;
Maurice Chevalier ;
}
{
<1800s-Female>
Jane Austen ;
Charlotte Bronte ;
Elizabeth Barret ;
Florence Nightingale ;
Emily Dickinson ;
Louisa May Alcott ;
Fannie Farmer ;
Mary Todd ;
Mary Cassatt ;
}
{
<1800s-Male>
Auguste Rodin ;
Vincent van Gogh ;
Samuel Clemens ;
Robert Browning ;
Lewis Carol ;
Abraham Lincoln ;
Crazy Horse ;
Karl Marx ;
Claude Monet ;
Louis Pasteur ;
Edgar Allen Poe ;
}
{
Julia Roberts as Vivian, the hooker with a heart of gold from "Pretty Woman", ;
Glenn Close, who gives us an earlier view of Alex Forrest from "Fatal Attraction", ;
Sandra Bullock, who reprises her role as Annie from "Speed", ;
Jodie Foster, who returns as the bright young FBI agent Clarice Starling from "Silence of the Lambs", ;
Marisa Tomei, who returns as Mona Lisa Vito from "My Cousin Vinny", ;
Sean Young, who returns as Rachel the replicant from "Blade Runner", ;
Kathleen Turner, who returns as Matty Walker, a woman with a past from "Body Heat", ;
Kelly McGillis, who returns as Rachel the Amish woman from "Witness", ;
}
{
Michael Douglas as that single president on the prowl from The American President ;
Peter Sellers, who returns as Chance from Being There ;
Dudley Moore who plays Arthur, the underachieving billionaire ;
Peter Sellers who plays Dr. Stangelove ;
Chevy Chase, who returns as "Fletch" ;
David Naughton, who reprises his role as David Kessler from "An American Werewolf in London" ;
Bond, James Bond ;
Eddie Murphy, who plays Axel Foley the out of town law enforcer from "Beverly Hill Cop" ;
Jon Voight, who reprises Joe Buck from "Midnight Cowboy" ;
}
{
for ;
the speech writer for Ted Kennedy ;
the television executive that brought us Baywatch ;
an animal groomer (specializing in iguanas) ;
}
{
<1960s-day-jobtitle> for <1960s-day-company> ;
the president of the June Cleaver fan club ;
a runner for the local television newsroom ;
a goat cheese dairy farmer ;
}
{
<1950s-day-jobtitle> for <1950s-day-company> ;
a social worker who made headlines denouncing rock-n-roll ;
a baggage attendant for Burlington Rail Lines ;
a voice actor for a western radio show ;
a customs inspector at the airport ;
}
{
<1920s-day-jobtitle> for <1920s-day-company> ;
a flapper ;
a bank teller ;
a bootlegger ;
an art deco interior designer ;
}
{
<1800s-day-jobtitle> for <1800s-day-company> ;
a nurse maid ;
a mountain-climber and explorer ;
a U.S. ambassador ;
a stagehand for the wild west show ;
the assistant to a blind dentist ;
}
{
;
a body model for knee caps ;
an overpriced management consultant ;
an overpriced advertising consultant ;
}
{
<1960s-day-jobtitle>
;
a hula dancer ;
an earthworm trainer ;
a logistical strategist ;
}
{
<1950s-day-jobtitle>
;
an inspector ;
a cashier ;
the brains behind ;
}
{
<1920s-day-jobtitle>
;
a machete handler ;
a gymnast ;
an entomologist ;
}
{
<1800s-day-jobtitle>
;
a milliner ;
a carriage crafter ;
a journalist ;
}
{
a poster child ;
an undergarment model ;
an outhouse inspector ;
a belly dancer ;
an attorney on retainer to ;
}
{
OSH-GOSH by gosh ;
an animal rights activist group ;
a nuclear weapons laboratory ;
the flat earth society ;
Stanford University ;
the men in Bravo battalion during Operation Desert Getting-Cloudy ;
}
{
<1960s-day-company>
Bob Hope's USO show ;
the Peace Corps ;
a toy company that made hula-hoops ;
a radical anti-war group ;
}
{
<1950s-day-company>
Studebaker Motors ;
a small diner ;
a drive-in theater ;
Western Union ;
the Motorola radio company ;
}
{
<1920s-day-company>
a company that specialized in formal attire for flappers ;
a luxury cruise line ;
an east coast furrier ;
Packard Motorcars ;
J.P. Morgan and Co. ;
Stanley Steamer Motors ;
}
{
<1800s-day-company>
a large equestrian concern ;
a travel agency that arranged for expeditions to the Amazon ;
a Boston based cartography concern ;
Atlantic Telegraph ;
}
{
checking out the nearby tongue depressor exhibit ;
in town for a little payola from the CIA ;
trying out for a part in , which thankfully never saw the light of day ;
in town to promote his new hemorrhoid ointment ;
in town for a new tattoo ;
in town for a convention ;
by a happy coincidence, buying some liver and onions across the street ;
just back from ;
}
{
Revenge of the Killer Tomatoes Part II ;
"The Ten Commandments Part II: The Egyptians Strike Back" ;
Gone With The Wind Part II ;
"Casablanca Part II: Ok I'll Leave The Bum" ;
}
{
an uncharted jungle in the Amazon ;
a 10 day pilgrimage to Mecca ;
a poaching safari in Kenya ;
a three month swim down the Yangtze river ;
}
{
National Rifle Association ;
Americans for Hampsters ;
Ukelele Muscisians ;
political ;
}
{
;
;
He spilled a drink onto her favorite dress ;
He noticed her as he bumped a street performer juggling swords (it's OK I think the juggler lived) ;
}
{
<1960s-cross-paths>
;
;
He noticed her at a war protest ;
He noticed her at a Stones concert ;
He noticed her at a new Brando flick ;
He was trying to pickup co-eds at the University when he noticed her ;
}
{
<1950s-cross-paths>
;
;
He noticed her while attending the premiere of a Rock Hudson movie ;
They met on a crowded Paris street ;
They met at a football game ;
}
{
<1920s-cross-paths>
;
;
He noticed her new Stutz Bearcat first, then he noticed the cars driver ;
They had both just lost a bundle in the crash of '29 ;
}
{
<1800s-cross-paths>
;
;
He was seated behind her at an oratory ;
He was seated behind her at a recital ;
}
{
They were vacationing at the same hotel in ;
They were both visiting the home of a well-known leader ;
He bumped her into a mens Turkish bath house ;
He bumped into the table where she was dining, spilling Mama Matarazzo's pasta all over the Mayor ;
Just returning from the beach, he noticed the gulls circling what turned out to be her dining alone ;
He noticed her as he bumped a waiter preparing Cherries Jubilee, causing a fire. (It should be noted that the cafe owner was able to rebuild on the same spot.) ;
}
{
Seizing the moment ;
Aware of his opportunity ;
Never the one to miss a chance for sex ;
Overcome with the situation ;
Baffled by her je ne sais quoi ;
}
{
Snookims, that what she called him, ;
that sly dog ;
he, possessing a deafening shrill-like voice, ;
he, with that overpowering breath he is known to have, ;
}
{
;
}
{
told her they were meant to be lovers. ;
asked her for her hand and what ever other parts she could spare. ;
gave her his corny pickup line. ;
looked her in the face and burped. ;
asked her if she wanted to see his private collection. ;
bent down to one knee and started reciting bad poetry to her. ;
swept her off her feet. ;
}
{
This had the desired affect of melting her heart , which as everyone knows , melted for somebody new about once a week ;
Pandemonium ensued as they begin to ravage each other wildly. In reality it was never meant to be ;
Her flame sparked, he moved her to an heretofore unknown passion for older men with thinning hair ;
In short order, he managed to move her deeply in the depths of her intestines ;
The snare was set and she had no escape, she was caught like a deer looking into the headlights of his love ;
Quick to assess the situation, she jumped him and wrapped her legs around him. ;
She turned back around and ignored him completely, making him more determine to win her heart ;
The intoxicating liquor of his words poured into her love-empty mind, opening her eyes to the futility of her existence without him . At least for the ensuing two weeks ;
}
{
All of which just proves the old Yiddish saying, ;
It's just as the Zuni Indians like to say, ;
It happened as was written in the Old Testament, ;
The aboriginal Austrailians having a saying for it, ;
The nomadic tribes of the African grasslands had it right when they said, ;
give us a charming idiom, ;
have a saying of the heart, ;
}
{
Latin vase craftsmen ;
Ancient Tibetan Monks ;
Irish fisherman ;
The students of Plato's teachings ;
Gaelic fishermen ;
Writings found on ancient papyri ;
Egyptian hieroglyphics ;
}
{
" Two will . " ;
" . " ;
" . " ;
" It takes more than to build a . " ;
" . " ;
}
{
small ungulates ;
elephants with diarrhea ;
ostriches courting ;
ferrets in heat ;
}
{
carry no dead ;
argue only until sunset ;
fall off the mountain and into a huge pile of bat guano ;
fight until love, or death, or they get tired ;
}
{
Pickles and watermelons ;
Celery and spinach ;
Mint and bean curd ;
Kumquat and wheat germ ;
Potato and citrus ;
}
{
make a drink, but who will drink it ;
make a drink that always quenches ;
make a drink that cures all ills ;
make a drink that sweetens the bladder ;
}
{
A rolling stone ;
One in the hand ;
A fool and his money ;
Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction ;
}
{
has a silver lining ;
is good for eating ;
is my best friend ;
}
{
Two hands of sand and a plan ;
Donkey droppings and water ;
All the trees in the forest ;
Old bones and the stench of rotting flesh ;
}
{
lovely home ;
great ox yoke ;
useful toiletries ;
fine clothes ;
}
{
Hot and cold ;
Night and day ;
The yin and the yang ;
Romance and fighting ;
}
{
fuse together with the heat of many suns ;
draw out the bad gas from each other ;
splash upon the beach of life ;
}