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The Every 15 Minutes Event at Rhea County High School March 26, 2012. This was a program organized by the Rhea County Anti-Drug Coalition (RCAD) and the Rhea County Sheriff's Department. It was presented to raise awareness of the dangers of drinking and/or texting while driving.

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Never Say Never

Author: Tiffany SoysterDate: July 25, 2017

A few months ago, I did something I said I would never do. In fact, I pretty much swore it off, saying I was way too cool and trendy to ever even consider the thought. But, before I get to that point, let me tell you what led up to it.

I don’t really feel like I’m getting older. I still feel about the same as I did in college. It’s only when I look in the mirror and notice a multitude of gray hair, or look back at pictures of my children when they are younger that I realize I am in fact getting older.

We are in the process of minimalizing the amount of stuff we have in our house. We haven’t outgrown our house as much as the stuff has just outgrown the space. I ended up with huge boxes of clothes that I simply don’t wear anymore, or don’t fit anymore, and rather than toss them or even pass them on, I thought I would try to recoup at least some of the money I’ve spent. So, I loaded things up and drove an hour to a clothing resell shop, where they would look through my things and buy them from me so they could resell them at a profit.

I wasn’t expecting much. I mean, its used clothing. But, I was expecting something. Maybe just $20 to buy me and the boy dinner while we were on the road. After waiting about half an hour, I asked if I could just leave and come back. The polite clerk told me they were finished, and were going to have to pass on EVERYTHING because, well, they were grandma clothes. Okay, so, she didn’t exactly say those words, but I know that’s what she must have meant. Humbled (and feeling like I should just visit the 1990s and ask for some mom jeans), I grabbed my box and left.

So, fast forward from that point to several months ago, when I solidified my need for mom jeans, and did what I said I would never, ever do. I traded in my trendy, eye-catching SUV for, you guessed it, a minivan.

My husband has had no hang-up on the family vehicle. He doesn’t fear getting older, and doesn’t mind being called “Sir.” He welcomes gray hair and has told me if I mention his thinning hair one more time, he’s just going to shave it off. He doesn’t care about image.

So many times, I think I’m beyond the struggles of high school. I think I’ve got it all put together and possess a confidence that I coveted years ago. And then, my clothes are deemed “untrendy” and I start driving a van. And I find myself in the same self-conscious spot, basing my value on my image and the things I have.

And, culture doesn’t help. Just reading van review articles had me searching for the “un-minivan” and wanting to take a “huge leap away from the wood wagons of before.”

Why are we so concerned with image? Why do I spend hours (okay, that’s a lie. I spend like 10 minutes) doing my makeup in the mornings just to tell my oldest daughter that she doesn’t need any? Why do I feel ashamed to drive a nice vehicle that has an abundance of space and allows me to place each child out of arm’s reach of the other?

The problem isn’t covering up the gray hair or buying low-rise jeans. The problem isn’t wanting to be seen as “trendy” or “cool.” The problem comes when being those things to our children is more important than simply being their parents. In our quest to hold on to our youth, we want our role to be “best friend” rather than “best mom.”

Your children have plenty of friends. They have plenty of people to shop with and send selfies to and, unfortunately, get bad advice from. What they really need is someone to step in and hold them accountable. Someone to ask them the tough questions, and challenge them to make healthy choices. They need someone to turn their attention to the future, rather than encourage them to live in the moment.

And, the Edge does that. But, we need your help.

Don’t be afraid to be the parent and have the tough conversations. Don’t be afraid of hurting their feelings. Embrace the minivan. And, if it makes you feel better, slap a bumper sticker on the back that says “My minivan has more cup holders than your SUV.” Because, it’s true. It really does.