Preparedness 101: Zombie Apocalypse

The time is finally upon us. I don’t know when, or how, but Z-Day is coming. At least, the CDC has released a guide called Preparedness 101: Zombie Apocalypse (Available here). I assume they’ve released this because they know something we don’t, and this is their warning to us.

Right after they tweeted this, the website crashed and is still hard to access, but we have snippets here for you.

There are all kinds of emergencies out there that we can prepare for. Take a zombie apocalypse for example. That’s right, I said z-o-m-b-i-e a-p-o-c-a-l-y-p-s-e. You may laugh now, but when it happens you’ll be happy you read this, and hey, maybe you’ll even learn a thing or two about how to prepare for a real emergency.

You know what CDC? I don’t appreciate your glib attitude. I’m not laughing. This is serious business. Here’s the list of items they suggest you stock up on:

Clothing and Bedding (a change of clothes for each family member and blankets)

Important documents (copies of your driver’s license, passport, and birth certificate to name a few)

First Aid supplies (although you’re a goner if a zombie bites you, you can use these supplies to treat basic cuts and lacerations that you might get during a tornado or hurricane)

You should probably grab some Twinkies, you never know when you’ll get the craving. Then they go on to state:

If zombies did start roaming the streets, CDC would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak. CDC would provide technical assistance to cities, states, or international partners dealing with a zombie infestation. This assistance might include consultation, lab testing and analysis, patient management and care, tracking of contacts, and infection control.

I’m having a little trouble believing the CDC would really be in charge, considering their blog crashes so easily. Hopefully you don’t ever need any real info from them when Z-Day comes. Besides, they weren’t super helpful in the Walking Dead, aside from supplying booze and showers.

We all know that when it does happen to grab a cricket paddle and head to the Winchester to wait it out.