The Manipulative Child

Red flags and how to break the cycle.

Ten-year-old Becca could play “Annie” with her bright red hair and freckles. But Becca’s too busy running the household. Whether it’s bedtime or a visit to bubbe, Becca makes the rules. “I’m not going and you can’t make me!” Her parents, afraid to upset her, fail to see this for what it is ... manipulation by “drama.”

“If you make me go to school today, I’ll throw up!” says David, eight. His “nervous stomach” is perfectly tuned to his “don’t want-to-do” list. His parents let him “time off” watching Spongebob and learning to pronounce “gastroenteritis.” They fail to see this for what it is ... manipulation by “blackmail.”

“If you don’t talk to Abby, I’ll let you have my very best glitter. BUT if you do, I’ll TELL EVERYONE THAT YOU .........” threatens Debby, 11. Abby was exiled, and her “friends” came to Debby’s pajama party – in glitter. Mom thinks she’s “popular,”failing to see this for what it is ... manipulation by “bribery.”

The goal of manipulation is more often the attempt to gain control over anxiety through avoidance.

Most of us think of manipulation as a method of getting something that’s denied us, whether it’s that vacation we want, or, the “upper-hand.” Yet, the goal of manipulation is more often the attempt to gain control over anxiety through avoidance, especially in new or stressful situations. Even as ethical adults, who among us hasn’t cancelled that root canal due to “flu” or begged off an unpleasant hospital visit?

With young children, every experience holds new anxiety-triggers. I’ve yet to meet a child who hasn’t tried some of the tricks above to avoid fear of failure, loss of face, or challenges – at least once or twice.

But, when I use the term “manipulative child,” I’m referring to those who routinely use devious devices. Tragically, while they may “win” through lying, whining, guilting, bullying or bribing in the short run, they’ll inevitably face failure, frustration, a lack of esteem, confidence – and ethics in the long run.

After all, they’ve learned early that these avoidance tricks worked. As they head toward adulthood and find that life doesn’t always suit them, these “skills” get shakier. Unable to exercise honest, ethical, straightforward strategies to manage anxiety, they flail powerless, and fail time and time again, sometimes dropping out, or turning to other risky behaviors,

“My son’s 42 and he still lives with me, rent-free, while I do his laundry and cook his meals.”

“My daughter, 32, can’t keep a husband or a job, and keeps demanding money. When I tell her I’m living on Social Security, she whines, begs, or argues!”

“We’re sick of bailing our 25-year-old out! While other parents are worried about being ‘empty-nesters,’ we’re praying to join them!”

As these “kids” continued on the path of subverting long term goals through opportunistic, deceptive behavior, they remained stunted; locked in infantile patterns that destroyed esteem and ethics, making true friendship and commitment to anything or anyone almost impossible.

For these tricks to work, the child must have a willing partner – us! In a home where a child’s manipulation rules, we’ve abdicated our parental role to that of “appeasers” and “fixers.” Despite rationalizations, giving in is “easier” in the short-term, even if we’re setting up disaster. The recipe for the care and feeding of little manipulators include parents who:

1. Try to appease their children and avoid any unpleasantness. When we fail to teach them how to manage reality or “change the rules” to accommodate them, we create wormholes for them to creep through.

4. Use manipulative discipline. False promises and bribing teach children how to play the game.

5. Place material things over deeper, ethical core values.

Breaking the Manipulation Cycle

It starts by not letting it start or continue.

1. We parents need to recognize our own “partnership.” It’s uncomfortable admitting we’re afraid of not being “loved” by our children, of setting limits, but owning up is essential in stopping the cycle. More, we need to ask ourselves, “Do we whine, kvetch, avoid, blame, bully?” If so, we’re teachingManipulation 101.

2. Close wormholes! With new principlesin place, get family rules and expectations in place. Post them. Consequences must be predictable and don’t change with the decibel level of our child – or our inconvenience. At first, the child will become ever more “creative.” Any exception is a set-back. The message: “It won’t work!” will only work with absolute consistency.

3. Empathize and support without “fixing.” Instead of doing that report for your child, or letting her stay home, the new response? “I know it’s hard. I also know you can do it. Calm down and work.” When we let them know we have expectations and trust their ability, instead of “I can’t,” they’ll learn, “I can, and I must.”

4. Reward truth, ethics, and yes, even failure. A successful adult owns it all honestly, then evaluates and persists.

It’s our job to create successful adults. Adults who get what they want through straight-shooting, taking on challenges they fear, and accepting responsibility for themselves.

More, the non-manipulator will also be manipulation proof! A child who is sure-footed is unlikely to be bullied, conned, or controlled. All it requires is getting them off the manipulative merry-go-round, by standing our ground. And that means that we, as parents, must stand on firm ground.

About the Author

Quirky, no-nonsense, funny, Marnie – writer, editor, author, lecturer, clinician, and administrator -- is a straight-shooter, who has a distinctive voice and takes on the world in her columns, features, and books. Her advice column was syndicated through Tribune Media Services, and it currently appears in Singular magazine as Singular Solutions. Marnie has written over 20 books/calendars, including the series “A Little Joy, A Little Oy." Her books include Yiddishe Mamas: The Truth About the Jewish Mother and A Little Joy, A Little Oy (pub. AndrewsMcMeel). She is also an award-winning “calendar queen” having written over 20. She has been nominated for both an Emmy and Writers Guild award.Thefullwiki.org has listed Marnie Macauley on their list of top Jewish_American writers, dead or living. (She’s still deciding which.) She was also chosen as a Distinguished Woman in Las Vegas in March of 2014.

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 28

(14)
Matthew Ferrantino,
April 7, 2017 1:40 AM

False Accusations

This advice covers all areas except one: when one side or another becomes convinced that unjust manipulation is going on on PURPOSE when it's occuring more by ACCIDENT.
I am at a strange place where the key to survive appears to be being better at manipulating sometimes than "the competition", but other times, it's only one side "playing" at a time-- and rather than any real enabling...it all seems an accidental mess that everyone's trying to fix but everyone's bad at fixing too, based on backlogged histories and grudges becoming what people believe more than what really happened. The only solution to the trap of mutual abuse is to stop trying to do anything at all other than to keep kind promises and letgo of angry threats in an effort to restore belief that any goodwill is present. Once people trust each other again, then it is SAFE AND necessary to re-establish formal consequences. It also pays to make sure that rather than drive each other into relational debt, when you feel ready to restore order, pick something they can actually pay as a reasonable consequence, so that you can see them keep their word if they want to and have the means. It's less like trial lawyers and more like congressmen and businessmen.
The creation of the new habit that a rule is actually binding is still at the center, though.

(13)
Lindsey,
March 31, 2017 7:35 PM

Boundaries for Non-Related

THANK YOU so much for this article; you're awesome!!

I'm an ENFP & my boyfriend's youngest sibling fits the Red Flag description to a T. I want to help him because he's still a kid & there are consequences esp. when you get older w/ relationships, but he acts flat out blameless even though he's the 1 that mainly starts the trouble (I'm thinking cause he wants attention).Manipulation seems to be my Achilles heel & I feel as though I'm going to at some point explode & inquire sarcastically exactly how old he is & just when is he going to wear his big-boy pants.

I have quite a few EXTREMELY MANIPULATIVE relatives of my own & how my family deals with it is totally avoid them at all cost because they're users & just make everyone MISERABLE.HOWEVER, I'm building my life w/ my b-friend & they are family orientated & I don't want to judge/overstep my boundaries/authority esp. w/ the parents.What should I do?

I keep thinking 1-on-1 w/ b-friend &/or parents about this subject by showing this (amazing) article. But that's a tough pill to swallow/overstepping, but wanting to help, not criticize... AHHHHHHH!!!Please & thank you!

(12)
shalynn,
February 5, 2017 9:09 PM

back talking and saying no

my 5 year old thinks he runs everything he will say no to everything. or hes not going to do this or that or when he gets older hes gonna do this to me or that to me. and when I place him in timeout to discipline him he will laugh consistently or try to be extra nice and hug me to get out of time out .. I have lost all control over him and I have tried everything instead of taking away I have placed an reward/ award system.. I cannot go on anymore he is hyperactive and is on a low dose of medication that works until about 300 pm and then all heck breaks lose and I don't know what do do anymore please help

(11)
KR,
July 3, 2014 10:09 PM

thank you

Discovering this was timely. I'm helping a nearly-40-year-old man reset his mess of a life. He has, as others have described, learned to survive through manipulation. Gangs taught him to "hustle." Betrayals taught him to distrust -- and not how to be trustworthy. Ever-impending doom taught him to live in "flight" mode; planning and execution are yet far-off hopes.

However, when the desperation turns to manipulation and divisiveness and chaos, and when attempting to control the symptoms just makes them increase, recognizing the manipulation to be a form of RESPONSE TO THE ANXIETY helped me track down the ROOT, and help that to be addressed.

I was glad to find this site; it's advice whose source I trust :) Thanks again!

(10)
no tolerance,
April 8, 2013 6:01 AM

Parents are shameful

parents of manipulative kids are shameful. Thinking setting boundaries or discipline will widen the affection gap.

Simple things can be used to straighten out children like if they whine or whinge in cars, public places; drop them off a kerb and let them take a walk home.

Anonymous,
November 21, 2014 10:18 PM

Really?

Just drop them off at the curb? And if they are old enough they can always call the police and report you. I didn't ever think setting boundaries or discipline would widen the affection gap, I thought it was my job however it got handcuffed and hauled off because of allegations by my child of abuse which the police sadly believed because as parents you are guilty until proven innocent. Some of these kids are extremely smart and figure out social manipulation from a very early age. I saw it in my daughter in first grade, thought I was nipping it in the bud but didn't it eeked out in other forms all along the way. She refuses to deal with life in the same way the rest of us do. So no it is not as easy as dumping them on the side of the road and making them walk home. Tried that and she told some adults I had abandoned her and kicked her out of the house.

(9)
Anonymous,
July 2, 2012 2:49 PM

get off your pedestal

Parents are not innocent in the matter of manipulative children. Many parents are professional manupilators and kids learn from them. Another thing that "humans" learn is how to survive. If a child is abused, and deprived in any way their chances of becomming manipulative adults is much greater than a child raised under healthy circumstances. I am a survivor of mental abuse, I find myself manipulating others, and I always look back and try to see why i may be doing so, and how I can handle things better, but itsnot easy because I learnt it as a survival method. I dont think people should walk around blaming children for being manipulative! shape up, and be supportive emotionally and mentally for your kids and they wont be!

Parent in need of help,
February 14, 2013 6:01 PM

Out of Respect

I'm so sorry you obviously were left to figure things out on your own. But some of us parents who are struggling to help their children appreciate the help. I don't think there is a black and white reslution to this at all, but from a parent who truly loves her child and sees her going down a path that she doesn't need to, I am can truly relate to this article and feel I can help my daughter. I only want the best for her, but avoidance is not the answer to getting where she wants to go either.

the boss mom,
May 5, 2013 6:26 PM

once an adult, we must take responsibility

Anonymus, I commend you for taking the tough road to recovering from your past. Changing engrained behavior patters is hard work. I agree, we should not blame kids. But once we grow up, we all must stop blaming our parents, learn from mistakes and make the world a better place by becoming better adults and parents to our children. Notbody is perfect, but everyone has the opportunity to change for the better. Which takes more than realizing our faults. It is hard work, which takes a lifetime. Don't ever give up!

(8)
J. Fraser,
May 30, 2012 10:26 AM

I'm a nanny to one of these children

One of the little ones I care for during the day is 6 and you've just described him to a tee. He feels all and sundry owe him allegience and that the world revolves around him. Apparently, even as a baby, this child was incredibly difficult. He wines, he threatens, he cons, he turns it back on you when you least expect it. He is narcisstic to the core and super intelligent. His every moment is learning how to "play the field" and get his own way. He is extrememly tiring. You have some very clear strategies here some of which I knew, but you've made them all the more applicable. Thanks! I'm printing this one out!

Anonymous,
December 3, 2012 4:22 PM

Careful of parental backlash

When setting boundries about what behavior you personally are willing to accept-one always has to be careful as parents can get in on the act and support their child's demands or want to script your responces. (And I am not even talking about correction here!!)

(7)
daniel,
December 10, 2011 10:23 PM

have you had a bad experience

have you got something with trial lawyers??
the ability to analyse and discuss intelligently is a vital one!

DS,
March 5, 2012 4:05 PM

Petty remarks.

You're not convincing anyone that you're insightful.

(6)
Anonymous,
August 30, 2011 6:53 PM

preteen difficulty

Thank you for your article. I am having a very difficult time with my preteen. She is only turning ten and I feel she rules the house as you mentioned I work full time and didn't have monetary objects as a girl and therefore as you mentioned am guilty at times of "Placing material things over deeper, ethical core values" as well as many of the other areas you mentioned. I am having difficulty with attitude and rude speech .How would you set up a consequence for rude behavior to all family members? Can you give other examples of consenquences for preteens

marnie, the author,
September 22, 2011 9:00 PM

SEND TWEENIES AWAY TILL THEY'RE 30! LOL, KIDDING

Given that the above is impractical (unless you're in Britain:)) First up, hon ... is YOU. You're guilt for trying to be Supermom, and the inability to "be there" full time for her. So ... quit being so hard on yourself! And ... schedule a) regular time with her: b) let her know when you will take interruptions in your day, as she comes first. Once you routinely make the time important, you'll get out of the mommy-guilt-merry-go-round.
2- Don't let the guilts get ya; re giving her things. As above, give her YOU at predictable times, and access for difficult times.
3- Forget bribing:) Make a list of family rules, one of which is rude language and attitude. Tweenies are feeling their oats, and testing, plus those hormones! More regular time with her, time that's intimate and pleasant will help. When she acts up, tell her: We don't talk rudely in this house. THAT'S A RULE.
Should she continue ... ignore her demands. DO NOT give in because she's worn you down, or "threatened." She's too old for time outs, but choose a CONSEQUENCE that's real to her, and if possible, relates to her infraction. "I don't hear you when you're rude. Re-phrase. now!" Boom! If she continues, agree in advance re: the consequence, make it swift and don't falter. She'll be grounded for two days if homework isn't done. Allowance will be cut by so and so.
Make sure she's part of these rules and part of the discussion of both the rules and consequences, so they don't appear arbitrary.
And these apply to all family members. The consequences may be different, and posted differently, but ALL must comply. Parents included:)
Pray a lot! LOL
As you spend more relaxed time that she can depend on, as you set the ground rules and enforce them every single time, she'll know you mean business.
Shalom with love ... hope this helps a bit.
Marnie

Angela,
January 3, 2012 12:27 PM

Problems with preteen nowadays are most likely caused by school environment. If the parent s busy, there won't be enough time to give them the right attention and supervision. You need to fix your daughter's attitude before she gets older, or else it'll be hard for you to remold her. Observe the environment especially he school, her friends, her likes and dislikes.. Spending time with her and knowing your daughter to the fullest will make things better. Most problem nowadays s kids grow up, and the parents doesn't even know them. Your daughter's mistakes will also be your mistake, maybe not now but someday. God bless.

(5)
a worried daughter-in-law,
August 15, 2011 7:28 PM

What about the 80-year old still whining?

I am worried about my husband. His mother fits the description of the "kids" to a T. She has had a hard life and has to live on social security, etc. and we have given to her in the past. However, she manipulates him when he tells her truthfully that we can't do anymore. She plays this "if you really loved me, you'd ________" game to make him feel like a bad son. Without getting into the details, suffice it to say that he works hard and makes a good salary, but we are not rich -- no fancy vacations, cars, clothes, etc. And we have children (and tuition bills), a mortgage, health care expenses.... Any advice for children on the receiving end of this treatment by parents? (This is not new behavior, she's been treating himi this way since her divorce 35 years ago....)

frumlady,
August 18, 2011 4:08 AM

its a mitzvah

I understand the burden, and feeling of being manipulated unjustly, however from a Torah perspective, from the way G-d wants us to conduct ourselves as according to the commandments- actually according to Halach, Jewish Law one MUST provide for their parents if they have not a sufficient means to provide for their own needs. This is a gray area of course which needs defining and of course therefore you should ask Your local Orthdox Rabbi for guidance.

marnie, the writer,
August 18, 2011 4:36 AM

Negotiate

Hi my friend: Here's my very best advice on a situation I know all too personally:
Ask yourself:
1- Are some of her needs real?
2- What can we COMFORTABLY DO?
Then, you become manipulation-proof by determining the above and finding a realistic, do-able middle ground that is REGULAR.
By regular, I mean, say she truly does need an extra 200 a month on average. I suggest: IF you can do it (or whatever you can do), give it on a regular basis, so she knows what to expect and YOU know what you're giving.
It's a marriage/compromise between what she TRULY needs, what you can TRULY do, and what you truly WANT to do, without guilt.
What this "system" does is clarify "the deal." If you go this route, decide "that's it." That's "fair."
And of course explain it to her. First, it's dignified. Second, it's rachmones if needed. Third, it's a guilt reliever. Fourth, it ends the "I need" and "If you loved me" nonsense.
Part of her manipulation is fear. IF she knows, for example, she'll get what she needs, she's possibly less apt to whine, and beg out of fear, and can act more as an adult.
Plus, YOU know your limits, and have compromised in a way that is caring and specific. No leftover guilt, etc. And no "urgent" demands.
IF she abuses it, e.g.: she gets the amount agreed upon then starts again, whining for more -- say no.
BUT ...... YOU will know the deal and be OK, in your heart and soul with it. MORE, have your husband stay on top of her budget, expenditures, etc. to make sure she IS getting what she needs and managing her affairs properly.
Overall, as he's giving in anyway and STILL feeling guilty, this "regularizing" will, as said, answer the question "What's fair?" without surprises, childish behavior born of fear, and
manipulation, once she KNOWS what to expect.
The very best of luck to you!!!!
Love, and Shalom,
Marnie

Ann Brady,
August 18, 2011 12:34 PM

Excellent Advice

Marnie, you are wise! This is the best advice I've ever seen on this subject and I'm sure it will help others greatly. Though not exactly in the same situation with my own mother, many of your ideas could be applied to help things, here. Thank you dear sister.

marnie, the author,
August 19, 2011 3:46 AM

thank you, also, dear sister

Thank you for your comment. The "thing" I believe with my whole heart about advice and counseling is be creative in the situation. We therapists don't know as much as we THINK we know. And going by "the book" isn't enough. My job as I see it, is to come up with strategies that get the questioner where he or she WANTS to go -- not where I want them to go.
But more, to do so with rachmones, compassion, and a focus on them, without ego, without "preaching," with dignity and yes, even humor.
Love and Shalom,
Marnie

Ann,
August 19, 2011 12:57 PM

Kindness

Shabbat shalom, Marnie!

(4)
Israeli Mother,
August 15, 2011 10:15 AM

The importance of belief

It seems to me that #3 is the most important suggestion of the entire list, providing that you really mean it when you say that you have full confidence in your child! There is nothing more calming nor more empowering for a child [or an adult for that matter] than when someone really believes in their ability to handle whatever the situation is.

(3)
JUDITH ROSNER,
August 15, 2011 4:57 AM

I WAS LOOKING FOR SUCH AN ARTICLE..AND MORE

PLEASE, WHERE CAN I BUY YOUR BOOK Yiddishe-Mamas-Truth-Jewish-Mother ??
I LIKED WERY MUCH THE ARTICLE AND I WOULD LIKE TO READ MORE....

MARNIE, THE AUTHOR,
August 19, 2011 3:51 PM

"Yiddishe Mamas: The Truth About the Jewish Mother"

Dear Judith. Thanks for asking. The book is available (or can be ordered) on Amazon and other Internet book stores, as well as your local bookstore (should you find one:)
Let me know how you like it!
Love and Shalom,
Marnie

(2)
Welton,
August 15, 2011 12:54 AM

Hitting home

Talk about hitting home, this is my house all over again. Most excellent article! Most Excellent!!

(1)
P. Peltz,
August 14, 2011 2:31 PM

You said it!

Now that's the real Marnie; the professional copunselor and psychologist. What a good piece of practical know=how.

John D.,
August 14, 2011 4:11 PM

Spot on!!

It cuts right through political correctness and human rights with one swipe, and replaces both with sound commonsense. All is not lost. Above all, parents must set an example by displaying leadership and strength of character.

This year during Chanukah I will be on a wilderness survival trip, and it will be very difficult to properly celebrate the holiday. I certainty won't be able to bring along a Menorah.

So if I am going to celebrate only one day of Chanukah, which is the most significant?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

If a person can only celebrate one day of Chanukah, he should celebrate the first day.

This is similar to a case where a person is in prison, and the authorities agree to permit him to go to synagogue one day. The law is that he should go at the first opportunity, and not wait for a more important day like the High Holidays.

The reason is because one should not allow the opportunity of a mitzvah to pass. Moreover, it is quite conceivable that circumstances will later change and allow for additional observance. Therefore, we do not let the first chance pass. (Sources: Code of Jewish Law OC 90, Mishnah Berurah 28.)

As an important aside, Chanukah candles must be lit in (or at the entrance to) a home rather than out of doors. Thus, you should not light in actual "wilderness," but only after you've pitched your tent for the night.

There may be another reason why the first night is the one to focus on. Chanukah is celebrated for eight days to commemorate the one-day supply of oil that miraculously burned for eight days. But if you think about it, since there was enough oil to burn naturally for one night, nothing miraculous happened on that first night! So why shouldn't Chanukah be just seven days?!

There are many wonderful answers given to this question, highlighting the special aspect of the first day. Here are a few:

1) True, the miracle of the oil did not begin until the second day, and lasted for only seven days. But the Sages designated the first day of Chanukah in commemoration of the miraculous military victory.

2) Having returned to the Temple and found it in shambles, the Jews had no logical reason to think they would find any pure oil. The fact that the Maccabees didn't give up hope, and then actually found any pure oil at all, is in itself a miracle.

3) The Sages chose Chanukah, a festival that revolves around oil's ability to burn, as the time to teach the fundamental truth that even so-called "natural" events take place only because God wants them to.

The Talmudic Sage Rabbi Chanina Ben Dosa expressed this truth in explaining a miracle that occurred in his own home. Once, his daughter realized that she had lit the Shabbos candles with vinegar instead of oil. Rabbi Chanina calmed her, saying, "Why are you concerned! The One Who commanded oil to burn, can also command vinegar to burn!" The Talmud goes on to say that those Shabbos lights burned bright for many hours (Taanit 25a).

To drive this truth home, the Sages decreed that Chanukah be observed for eight days: The last seven to commemorate the miracle of the Menorah, and the first to remind us that even the “normal” burning of oil is only in obedience to God's wish.

In closing, I'm not sure what's stopping you from celebrating more than one day? At a minimum, you can light one candle sometime during the evening, and that fulfills the mitzvah of Chanukah - no “official Menorah” necessary. With so much joy to be had, why limit yourself to one night only?!

In 165 BCE, the Maccabees defeated the Greek army and rededicated the Holy Temple in Jerusalem. Finding only one jar of pure oil, they lit the Menorah, which miraculously burned for eight days. Also on this day -- 1,100 years earlier -- Moses and the Jewish people completed construction of the Tabernacle, the portable sanctuary that accompanied them during 40 years of wandering in the desert. The Tabernacle was not dedicated, however, for another three months; tradition says that the day of Kislev 25 was then "compensated" centuries later -- when the miracle of Chanukah occurred and the Temple was rededicated. Today, Jews around the world light a Chanukah menorah, to commemorate the miracle of the oil, and its message that continues to illuminate our lives today.

A person who utilizes suffering to arouse himself in spiritual matters will find consolation. He will recognize that even though the suffering was difficult for him, it nevertheless helped him for eternity.

When you see yourself growing spiritually through your suffering, you will even be able to feel joy because of that suffering.

They established these eight days of Chanukah to give thanks and praise to Your great Name(Siddur).

Jewish history is replete with miracles that transcend the miracle of the Menorah. Why is the latter so prominently celebrated while the others are relegated to relative obscurity?

Perhaps the reason is that most other miracles were Divinely initiated; i.e. God intervened to suspend the laws of nature in order to save His people from calamity.

The miracle of the Menorah was something different. Having defeated the Seleucid Greek invaders, the triumphant Jews entered the Sanctuary. There they found that they could light the Menorah for only one day, due to a lack of undefiled oil. Further, they had no chance of replenishing the supply for eight days. They did light the Menorah anyway, reasoning that it was best to do what was within their ability to do and to postpone worrying about the next day until such worry was appropriate. This decision elicited a Divine response and the Menorah stayed lit for that day and for seven more.

This miracle was thus initiated by the Jews themselves, and the incident was set down as a teaching for all future generations: concentrate your efforts on what you can do, and do it! Leave the rest to God.

While even our best and most sincere efforts do not necessarily bring about miracles, the teaching is nevertheless valid. Even the likelihood of failure in the future should not discourage us from any constructive action that we can take now.

Today I shall...

focus my attention on what it is that I can do now, and do it to the best of my ability.

With stories and insights,
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