Last weekend, a 26-year-old woman decided to go paintballing with some friends. She got shot. It happens. But while in routine surgery the following Monday, it was found that the fire she took tore through damaged one of her breast implants. What??

I mean, I suppose it shouldn't be terribly surprising. Paintballs can move at up to 190mph, and taking a shot to the chest can happen to anyone. I just... I had no idea it this would happen. Apparently, neither did they. Naturally, UK Paintball was obliged to respond.

"You will be given special information on the dangers of paintballing with enhanced boobs and asked to sign a disclaimer."

I really want that disclaimer to read: "I, the undersigned, agree that my fake boobs are a hazard during my time here at UK Paintball. Fake boobs are not to be trifled with, especially during the aggressive play that takes place during the sport. UK Paintball is in no way responsible for any marks or pocks my boobs may develop."