Life Begins on Your 40th Birthday: Things They Can’t Say

Mj is a recovering bookseller. A wife. A SAHMama. A reader, a pretend runner, a wanna-be gourmet chef, famous writer, and stand up comedian. She’s Catwoman in disguise. Be sure to read her blog 154 Hidden Court.

Yesterday was my 40th birthday.

I really thought I’d have stuff figured out by now.

When I was a kid, 40 seemed so old. Middle aged. The age of spinster school teachers and doctors.

When I was a teenager, 40 seemed like the age where you forgot how to have fun. Forty was filled with serious, driven adults who never laughed and who worked a lot.

When I was 20, 40 was my whole lifetime away.

When I was 30, 40 seemed like an age where I would have my life put together. I felt like I was setting up the foundation and putting myself on the right track to have everything in place and just where I wanted it to be.

I really thought I’d have stuff figured out by 40.

But I don’t. If anything, the opposite is true.

I think I’m finally learning just how much I DON’T know. And I think I’m finally learning that it’s ok not to have it all figured out by now.

It’s a funny place to be, really. If statistics hold and barring any accidents or disasters, I’m pretty much halfway through this journey of life. Strangely enough, that seems exciting to me. It’s like I spent the last 40 years figuring out who I am, and now I get to spend the next 40 years or so really BEING that person.

Although I know I don’t have life all figured out at this point, there are quite a lot of things that I have learned over the years that have shaped me and molded me into the person I am and the person I’m still becoming.

I’ve learned there are people in this world I would die for, and kill for, without a moment’s hesitation. But I’ve also learned that there are people in this world who despite my best efforts aren’t meant to be a part of my life, and that’s ok.

I’ve learned that a rainy afternoon of snuggles, giggles, stories and movies at home with my boys tops exciting vacations or action-packed adventures any day.

I’ve learned that there are things that I can’t control, no matter how badly I want to, and I’ve learned to (sometimes) let them go.

I’ve learned to ask for help. It’s hard for me, but no one cares if I’m a martyr except me and in general, the people who love you will help you if you let them.

I’ve learned that it’s never too late to try something new. I just signed up for a photography class. I’m going WAY outside of my comfort zone this year to join a writer’s group. I’ve begun to bump up my running with the vague goal of a marathon in the future. These are things that I’ve always been interested in doing, and if not now, then it will be never. Now’s my time.

I’ve learned that it doesn’t really matter what other people think of me. I’m much more concerned about how I feel about myself at the end of the day. If I can look back and see that I made good choices that allow me to sleep at night and I did no harm to others, then that was a pretty good day.

I’ve learned that it’s ok to ask for what I want.

Most importantly though, I’ve learned that I’m not done. I’m not finished evolving into the person I’m meant to be. I’ve learned that I don’t have it all figured out and that it’s a pretty exciting journey I’m on, if I just let it be.

Happy Belated Birthday! You are only a few months ahead of me {gulp} and you are totally right: 40 is nothing like it used to be. Middle aged? Nah. As you so aptly wrote, we’re still evolving and learning. Enjoy the journey!

I will turn 40 in April and I totally feel you in this post. Especially: “I’ve learned that there are things that I can’t control, no matter how badly I want to, and I’ve learned to (sometimes) let them go.”

Happy Belated Birthday. This is how I feel about turning 30. I was so scared to leave my twenties behind but I am so excited to see what is in store for me. You are 100% right, it is NEVER too late to try something new and each day we are learning about who we are regardless of age.

I really love that quote, too. If I could cross stitch, I’d cross stitch it onto a pillow for myself. Hmmm… maybe I should add that to the list of things I want to learn how to do. Thanks for your comment!

Meh, my forties…have not been kind. They started out with a miscarriage at 40, two at 41 and two more at 43. Yep, old eggs. I hate that. My hair… it started thinning. I had a hard time losing weight for the first time in my life. I was 43 and hating my 40’s. But then…I got pregnant again, and this time we hit a healthy egg! Yay! My son was born a month before my 44th birthday, which was 7 months ago. I’m loving my 40’s now. I have been running for exercise and just entered my first 5k and 10k runs (March and end of May for the 10k) and I’m up to running 2 miles each day. I have mucho energy lately and life. is. great. So my 40’s started out a bit blahhhh but I think I’m going to rock the rest of it 🙂

I hate that you had such a rough start to your decade, but congratulations on your baby boy! And yay for running! I really feel some days like it’s the thing that keeps me sane. I ran my first mile at 37 and now it’s just part of who I am. Thanks so much for sharing your story with me. I love meeting strong women who are all at such different (yet similar) places on their journeys.

I hate that you had such a rough start to your decade, but congratulations on your baby boy! And yay for running! I really feel some days like it’s the thing that keeps me sane. I ran my first mile at 37 and now it’s just part of who I am. Thanks so much for sharing your story with me. I love meeting strong women who are all at such different (yet similar) places on their journeys.

Happy 40th!! I am on my last year of my twenties, and want to get a ton accomplished before I turn the big 3-0. As the time passes i fins myself being less ashamed of taking pictures, and being me. I too feel much braver, and carefree to some extent!

Well I’m only in my 20’s but my husband and I were just having this conversation. When you’re younger you think you have it all figured out BUT you really have no idea what you’re talking about! Haha! Oh and Happy 40th Birthday!

Happy Birthday and welcome to the club. It is a great time to feel comfortable in your skin. You are 100% right it is not so much what other people think of you, but what you think of yourself. It is amazing it takes us 40 years to figure that out.

Happy Birthday! I always thought 40 was sooooo far away, and then I realized the other day that I’m going to be 36 this year, so really not so far! I definitely don’t know everything yet, I guess I’d better get busy learning.

Enjoyed this post! I’m turning 40 in May as well and after having two sets of twins beginning at age 30, I can say that my 30s were SO HARD and I’m looking forward to my 40s! I think I will definitely be in better shape as I’m slowly trying to get my strength back and repair the damage two sets of twins (not just having them but more so RAISING them) has done to me. My kids are now 9 and 6 and life is good. Also slowly rediscovering who I am and what my hobbies are. In fact, you just inspired me. I’ve been wanting to take a photography class too but there’s so much I want to get caught up on that I’m still not getting caught up on it’s inspired me to get my butt in gear and finish those things and maybe next year learn some new things. Happy Birthday to you!

Welcome to Things I Can't Say: Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom. I'm Shell. Boy mom, beach girl, bookworm, ball games, baker, brand ambassador, Thinking yoga, food, and travel should start with "b," too. Finding the easiest way to do some things while overthinking so many others. Read More…