Do You Have a Hero?

Do you have heroes you look up to? What about now that you’re a little older, a little more jaded and cynical too, than when you were a child so easily impressed? Are there people past or present who you look to for motivation, instruction and encouragement?

Heroes provide us with embodied examples of the virtues we care about. They play a powerful role in our lives to inspire us to climb higher, reach further and live better lives as we see them face extreme circumstances with dignity, courage and decency.

Childhood Heroes

Throughout my life, I’ve had heroes I looked to and emulated, copying what they did to become more like they were.

My heroes have closely reflected the things I valued over time.

When I was young, my heroes were mostly athletes – baseball Hall of Famers like Willy Maze, Hank Aaron and Sandy Koufax. I copied their swings, pitching style, the bucket catch, the way they spat on the ground or tapped their cleats with the bat. I watched what they did and tried to mimic the way they did it.

As I entered my teens and my life aspirations changed, my heroes reflected those changes as well. Jimmy Page, Jeff Beck, Stevie Ray Vaughn and other guitar legends became my idols. I tried to play the guitar like they did, learning licks they played. Did you have childhood heroes?

Swapping Heroes

But by my late teens, I noticed the nature of my heroes started to change substantially. Less and less were they people I admired for what they could DO and more and more they were people I admired for who they WERE. My heroes changed from people who displayed certain skills and abilities to those who displayed certain virtues.

They exemplified character traits I honored and admired and wanted to develop in myself. So Mahatma Gandhi replaced Sandy Koufax. Nelson Mandela replaced Stevie Ray Vaughn.

My heroes became moral heroes. What motivated me was their courage and compassion. I began to be inspired by their goodness. Today, my heroes make me want to be a better man. They inspire me to reach higher, work harder and live better.

They are people like Jesus, Buddha, George Washington, John Adams, Frederick Douglass, Rosa Parks, and Oskar Schindler. Instead of an impressive strike-out record or batting average and instead of wild licks on the guitar at rock concerts, I am most impressed with goodness, with courage and kindness, love and compassion and honesty in the face of difficult challenges to remain good, compassionate and honest.

Who are you heroes today? Have they changed since childhood?

But thinking about my list of heroes recently, I realized all such people are now but names nestled in the dust of history.

Where have all the heroes gone?

It’s difficult to recognize the Winston Churchill or Abraham Lincoln in politics today. And the news has been filled with story after story of leaders of causes caught padding their bank accounts with our donations.

Are there any heroes left? Surely those who strap explosives to their bodies or hijack planes to blow up women and children are no self-sacrificing heroes. Even if their cause had been just, their method would forever ban them from the ranks of the heroic. So where are they?

I think the answer is that there is a new breed of hero amongst us today. They’re hiding in plain view, hidden by their familiarity.

Where are they hiding, then? Where can we find them? I think I have the answer. It is up to us to summon them from their hiding places. The world is in need of them. All of them.

Where are they hiding? They are hiding in you and me. Today’s heroes are revealed by circumstance and happenstance, by being in the place and time that calls for heroic displays of courage, honor, decency, kindness, compassion and persistence.

9/11 and the Resurrection of the Hero

This 10th Anniversary of 9-11 reminds me of this fact. It also encourages me to know that heroism hasn’t died. It beats in the hearts of decent people around the world. The horrific circumstances that called on regular men and women to rise to the occasion, to step up and live heroic lives of courage and compassion, galvanized a people, focused our attention on a cause and made heroes of many people who never saw themselves as hero material before.

Firefighters who sacrificed their lives to rescue others. Passengers on a passenger jet unwilling to allow their plane to be used as a missile. Civilians running into buildings, pulling people they never met from the jaws of death at great peril to themselves. And family members of loved ones who perished in that tragic moment who have valiantly picked up the pieces of their lives and moved forward. A nation that stood up. A world that said no. Donations that mounted. Dedicated service of volunteers from everywhere that poured in just to lend a hand.

There are the heroes.

We’ve seen the images and know some of the names. Most of them are unknown. Most of them are like you and me.

One Example Among Many

William Rodriguez was a maintenance worker for the World Trade Center and had been for 19 years until that dreadful day 10 years ago. When the towers were hit, people started to make their way out. William Rodriguez helped 15 people to safety.

Then he returned. He had the only known key to rooms the rescue workers would need access to. So he led the firefighters back up the stairwell of the burning, convulsing tower. In all, he reentered the North Tower 4 times, saving untold hundreds as he unlocked door after door. It’s believed that he was the last person to exit the North Tower before its collapse.

After being treated for his injuries, Mr. Rodriguez continued his heroic service, alongside countless other heroes that day, helping in the rescue efforts. He was back again at Ground Zero the next morning, his heart in his hands as he used them to serve those who suffered a worse fate than he did. A regular guy doing extraordinary things. He is you and me at our finest moments.

The Hero in the Mirror

On this 10th anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks, may we not only look to our old heroes (Mohandas Gandhi) and not only to our new heroes born that day (William Rodriguez) for some sense of how we can successfully navigate the waters of life and rise to the occasions life demands of us.

But may we also rise to the heroic ourselves and be to others what so many of them have been to us, even if in less dramatic ways. The world is in dire need of heroes. So rise and be one.

Let’s Interact!

Do you have heroes today?

Who are they?

How have they been a source of inspiration to you?

Please share your thoughts in the comments below. It would mean a lot to me.

I would also deeply appreciate a Tweet and/or a Like!

PS: Are you a subscriber? If not, subscribe by email on the homepage. All the cool people are doing it! 😉

Thank you for reading.

Now go and become a hero to your family, to your neighbors, neighborhood and community. In living a life of kindness and courage, you are a hero to me. And I thank you for that on this anniversary of a horrific event when the worst in some drove them to a horrible deed that ignited the best in countless other hearts and souls of heroic proportion.

God bless.

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16 Comments

Personally, I believe a hero is anyone who seeks to serve another without seeking anything in return. Someone who did that for me was my dad. I was never a bad kid growing up, but I definitely was not perfect. But never once did my dad hold back any love towards me, even when it was difficult. His love was like a never-ending waterfall of appreciation, respect, excitement for my achievements, and so much more that poured into my life constantly. What’s really special, is that it came so naturally and willingly from him.

I remember in my 9th grade English class, we had to write an essay about who our hero is in our lives. I don’t know where that paper is now, nor do I remember what I wrote. However, what I do I remember is that when the teacher gave us that prompt, I didn’t even have to ponder the question. I just thought, “Oh, that’s easy. I’ll just write about my dad.”

Thank you for writing this heart-warming article for this very memorial and patriotic day. It is so important that we never forget about all those people with pure, loving, and selfless hearts who risked and sacrificed their lives for others. This also gives us the opportunity to remember the heroes in our personal lives, which is something that I need to remind myself of constantly. Thank you!

You’re welcome B. Jenkins! And thank you for your comment and kind words.

Your dad sounds like a good man; you’re lucky to have him. The importance of parental involvement — taking an active interest in your kids and what they do — can’t be overemphasized. Active parental love lays such an important foundation of belonging, confidence and self-worth, as you well know. We can all learn from your father.

I wish fathers everywhere would recognize the importance of living and loving their kids so as to be worthy of the title, “hero.” It would mean the world to me if my kids were able to one day say (or write) such things as you said (and wrote) about your dad.

Thank you for todays blog, Ken. I am a brand new member. And, thank you to B. Jenkins.
I always marvel when I hear someone speak lovingly about a parent. Your little vinette about your dad warmed my heart.

You see I experienced no such love. The birth-giver that was my “mother” delighted in terrorizing me. She was a miserable, mean-spirited narcisist who was only happy when others suffered.

I have, however, attempted to be to my own daughter what you have described about your dad. Thank you for sharing that loverly story.

Hi Karen. Thank you so much for joining. And thank you for sharing your thoughts and story here too.

I want you to know that what you said here is absolutely beautiful. It breaks my heart to hear of people growing up in circumstances like you did with your “birth-giver.” (I agree that the sacred title of mother and father ought to be reserved for those who, not needing to be perfect, by any means, still, have actually mothered and fathered, not merely donated sperm and housed an egg).

But what was beautiful is what you said next: “I have attempted to be to my own daughter what you have described about your dad.”

That is the golden key to life, Karen: No matter what we experience in life, to learn and grow and then pass on love instead of meanness and narcissism. The human capacity for personal growth and improvement is a beautiful thing to me, especially when it manifests itself in love for children from the context of a loveless home.

Karen, I would love to know how you were able to love your daughter without having had that love exemplified by your birth-giver. So many people are such prisoners to their pasts, repeating, almost as though on autopilot, the patterns of behavior they grew up with. How did you manage to pull away from that?

Like you, for decades I have pursued spiritual growth. In fact, we share many of the same authors. James Allen is one of my favorites, and presently I’m reading a collection of all his treasured works entitled; Mind Is The Master. I have also studied Buddhism for nine years.

Oftentimes, one learns true kindness for having experienced unkindness. While I always had my eye-on-the-ball in how I treated my daughter, I cannot yet say I have achieved that storybook mother/daughter relationship.

Although Jennifer grew up with happily married parents (Herb and I will be married 30 years in November) I beleive I have failed my daughter in some ways. Having lost all self-esteem and harboring an inward rage from from having been shamed and humiliated at a young age, my daughter grew up with a mother who was a loner and had no need for friends, yet she was, however, born into a successful company that I had founded. Nonetheless, perhaps I was needy.

Perhaps I watched too carefully how I spoke to my daughter, and by being too quick to apologize, my daughter may be lacking compassion.

I remember treating her every accomplishment as a wonderful victory. I was always right there to help, putting my heart and soul into whatever it was she needed of me.

Over the years, my daughter distanced herself from me but I’m hopeful in time that will change. She is only 23 years old and her mind is still developing. She is married one year now, and in her second year of law school. I miss her terribly, but my husband tells me to be patient and that she will realize that while I wasn’t perfect, I was always loving and nurturing.

Karen, thank you so much for you openness. No apology needed for its length, at all. I’m truly touched by your sincerity and honesty.

I was just wondering if you’ve read my guest post at Steve Aitchison’s blog, Change your Thoughts. If not, you might find it of interest. It’s called, “12 Ways to Forgive Your Parents for Doing Such a Crummy Job of Raising You.” You can click on the title to read the post. It also might be helpful to read the comments as well. There were a couple conversations that helped clarify some of the points I made in the post itself.

As for mistakes made raising kids, welcome to the club! We have all stumbled in that department. I like to think about some of the families in the Old Testament of the Bible – talking about dysfunctional families! Sometimes I think they were recorded that way to let us all know that parenthood can be tough and even a bunch of Biblical prophets had issues!

I once heard a psychologist named Dr. Marmer (forgot his first name) say that a successful parent is one who is able to pass on 20% fewer neuroses to their children than their parents passed on to them. It sounds like you did MUCH better than 20%! And that’s success. So, welcome to the reality of imperfect people as imperfect parents imperfectly raising imperfect kids in an imperfect world. What’s one to expect other than imperfect results? So be sure to forgive yourself as well!

I’m sorry your daughter has chosen to distance herself. I understand how that would be very painful. Have you thought about writing her a regular letter (maybe monthly or every other week or so) to keep her updated? It would be difficult not to have expectations, but try not to have any. That way resentment won’t as likely creep into the letters. Sometimes when we try too hard to force a relationship, kids run the other direction, so be sure to fill the letters with positive thoughts and emotions.

Letter writing is less intrusive and is, in a sense, a statement of respect for the distance she has chosen so far. This may go a long way in luring her back. But be sure you’re not writing the letters in order to lure her back. Eventually, if not immediately, there’s a good chance she will sense what you’re writing for and it could backfire. Remember, have no expectations. Just write her because you love her and want her to stay updated on things at home.

Oh, and by the way, congratulations on your 30-year marriage. That’s quite an accomplishment, especially in this day and age!

I wanted to respond back sooner, but we’re in contract to sell our home and there’s so many dangling details that need to be handled.

Thank you so very, very much for your tremendously helpful response. Your suggestion of sending a periodic letter is really quite wonderful. Your response has given me a renewed sense of hope and happiness. This allows me to feel that I’m doing something constructive, while honoring my daughters need for distance. Your diplomatic, mindful way of explaining how to go about this, to obtain the best outcome has given me a sense of joy.

Thank you also for those suggested reading links. You have so many deeply helpful articles on your website. I have only just gotten started, but what really “spoke” to me was the article entitled “Ten ways to stop being so easily offended.” For me, that’s been the legacy of severe emotional trauma. Outside of interracting with my employees, I have lived my life avoiding people as I’m so easily offended due to low self esteem. What most folks probably wouldn’t even notice, can trigger an inward anger within. I can see how my daughter must have been disappointed I had no friends. How nice it would have been for her if I had had friends, but that was an impossibility.

I had a birth giver that told me two weeks after my father died, that I ‘murdered him.’ She told this to me on a daily basis. She told me I should ‘get the worst cancer.’ She taught me to hate myself, and for many years I did.

Every book, every article is a new beginning. The place where I am probably most stuck is that I perceive others as bragging, while they are simply interracting. It’s an awful way to perceive others, and painful too. It’s clearly an error in my thinking, which thus far I’ve been unable to correct. But unlike the birth giver who laughed at the suffering of others, I never spoke badly of others. My daughter saw me attempt to be helpful by being active in several Buddhist groups here in Tucson, AZ. But like an alcoholic, I am probably addicted to the anger brought about from incorrect thinking. I must continue to work on myself. It’s a never ending, lifelong process.

Hi Karen. Sorry for my delayed reply as well. I wanted to let what you wrote sit with me for a day or two. Then before I knew it, a day or two was a week or two!

I am absolutely thrilled what I had to say was of help to you. I hope that the sense of joy you had at my response is still with you.

This past week, I’ve thought a lot about you’re comment I’m replying to now. It was deeply moving in that you shared such a private part of your life with such honesty, courage, and grace. And it was at the same time, deeply disturbing in that no person should ever say such horrific things to another human being, much less so a parent to a daughter.

It’s interesting that you said you may be addicted to your anger. That can be so true. The adrenalin and other chemicals coursingthrough the veins can become addicting.

Anger can also simply become a habitual pattern of behavior. Certain situations automatically trigger the anger.

I wonder if you would try a single exercise for about two or three weeks as consistently as you can. Would you try it?

Every time you get angry, justified or not, don’t condemn yourself, don’t tell yourself you can or can’t or anything else. Simply step out of yourself in an almost out-of-body experience, detached from your heart and thoughts and anger and circumstances the best you can and simply ask yourself this question, “Hmmm, what am I getting so upset about?”

Picture the anger you feel and the reason for it as though watching it on stage, acted out by another. Don’t judge, just watch. Do that for two weeks. Then please return and tell me how you do, what effect, if any, it has on you. (For a twist, instead of a famous actor portraying you, picture the anger coming from a funny – not the scary kind – of clown). But really commit to it.

Allow yourself to grin or chuckle or laugh out loud at the image and at the whole situation. But please return and let me know what happens over the course of the week or two.

What struck me most was what you said about the “Hero in the Mirror”. In our own ways, we can become someone that changes the trajectory of someone elses life for the better. We have heros all around us. Many of them come in the form of teachers, coaches and volunteers. Thanks for the reminder that all of us can make a difference. 🙂

Isn’t that just amazing? We can all aspire to hero status just by reaching out to others and living our lives in a way that spreads love and decency. There are so many people out there in the world who see only ugliness and an ever-screaming “not good enough!” staring back at them from the mirror, but whose lives are filled with so much compassion and sweetness, affecting scores of people. And yet they never even see who is really staring back form the glass.

Thank you for pointing out the untold numbers of teachers, coaches, babysitters, volunteers, friends, neighbors, nurses and so many others who make profound differences in lives every day.

Hello Ken, all through reading that I was trying to think of who the heroes of today might be and why they don’t seem quite so the enigmatic and large as life figures as before, the MLK’s and Ghandi’s etc of the past.

I think it is the because media has changed. In the old days one character could stand out in much the way only the most famous entertainers did.
Today I think it s because heroes are actually everywhere doing small and great deeds and therefore one does not stand out. For a start the media chooses not to focus strongly on people who do good.
I would struggle off the top of my head to name a modern day hero. Perhaps it is Julian Assange who only history will decide if his decision to expose confidential material on Wiki leaks was an heroic act. Perhaps Aung San Suu Kyi? Wangari Maathai maybe?

In any case your line about heroes being exposed by circumstance explains it best. Most of us are the heroes of today when we need to be even though history may not make a note of our little offerings.

Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment, Pea. Good point about the change in how the media covers events and people. There is also a deep cynicism that has infected the media since the 1960s or so.

When I think about most of the heroes of the past, I find it striking that so many of them got their larger-than-life stature during some great struggle: independence, World War, abolition, suffrage, and the like. In the Western world, at least, most of these great struggles that led to opportunities to demonstrate individual greatness are largely things of the past, leaving little opportunity for new heroes to reach the status of those of earlier times.

I like most of your picks for candidates as modern heroes (not such a fan of Julian Assange, though), but am impressed by the quiet, daily heroes that steadily, persistently live lives of responsibility, compassion, love, kindness, and daily expressions of courage, as countless numbers of regular people choose to walk a higher path of service.

Thanks for your awesome comment. I truly appreciate the time you took to share.

i enjoyed reading the post ken 🙂
just as you said my idea of a hero changed a lot when i grew up
its becoming more of a realistic dream than a fantasy
i am always inspired by people who have power and who are in the same time kind to others
for example, a man who has lots of money and who always gives the poor what they need

That’s so true, Farouk. Just think of all the good the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation has done around the world.

I teach at a high school that has a large low-income population. I’ve personally known about 5 students who have been accepted into the Gates Millennium Scholarship Program that has given these kids a full ride scholarship for 4 years to any college on planet earth they get accepted to. It pays for tuition, books, all fees, and room and board as well. These are kids who are so smart and so dedicated and also too poor to have gone to the schools they went to. So many other wealthy people do so much and set up foundations to do even more and to continue doing good after they pass on. That certainly is worthy of our admiration.

Thanks so much for bringing up that point. I wasn’t thinking along those lines when I was considering modern-day heroes, but I think that was a mistake. Thanks for the addition!

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My name is Ken Wert, the founder of M2bH. My purpose here is to teach you how to live a richer life of greater purpose and meaning, of mind-blowing possibility and deeper, more soul-satisfying happiness than you ever dreamt was possible. Join us on this happy adventure as you learn how to unlock your hidden potential to enjoy the rewards of a life well lived. Read more ...