MILLBANK – With “Pomp and Circumstance and teary smiles, Millbank High School seniors walked across Mr. Sofa Guy Sofa Kingdom Warehouse Emporium Field to collect their diplomas and celebrate their entry into the real world. For some, this entry was rife with disillusionment.

“Those aren’t even real diplomas that they give you,” huffed Annie Trent, 17. “They’re only rolled up paper. If you want your real diploma, you have to return the gown. I personally think that’s lame.”

However, even the pall of youthful cynicism was not enough to ruin the ceremony on Thursday morning. First Millbank Church of God pastor, the Reverend Bjorn Thorstaad offered the invocation while dressed as Benjamin Franklin. He offered this sage advice, “Early to bed, early to rise” and “A penny saved is a penny earned.” He then pretended to fly a kite in a thunderstorm.

“I just felt that this generation could benefit from the wisdom of the ages,” explained Reverend Thorstaad. “And, I since my wife went to all the trouble of making this costume for the Playho’s production of “Founding Fathers”, I might as well wear it! This wig sure is hot, though.”

Mr. H.P. Bartlett, Vice President of Sales and Marketing for Mr. Sofa Guy’s Sofa Kingdom Warehouse Emporium, spoke to the graduating seniors about opportunities in the furniture industry. He painted a bright and rosy picture of Millbank’s future. “Everyone in this great world of ours needs a sofa. A house without a sofa is a house without love or comfort or American-ness. And you, the class of 2012, are the ones to bring sofas to those in need..”

Senior Jenna Cobblepease, 18, demurred. “I did not bust my buns and get a 4.3 G.P.A. to slave in a sofa factory.” Tony Moon, 17, however, said that Mr. Bartlett’s message gave him hope. “Even the local Dairy Duke turned me down for a job this summer, so sure, I guess, I can try sofas. I do have experience lying on them.”

Once Millbank High School principal Alicia Stewart pronounced the 498 seniors officially graduated, they tossed their caps into the air and gave one final Viscounts cheer. “Millbank Twenty-Twelve. Tougher than an Elve.” “I am just so happy to finally be free from this place,” said Belinda Howard, 18. When asked about what she had to look forward to, Ms. Howard hesitated, then replied, “Being far away from here.”