Man Arrested for Making Love to Pink Pool Raft

I would say I'm a pretty live and let live type of person, in general. To each his own, as my grandmother used to say. Or, to quote John Lennon, Whatever gets you through the night ... it's all right.

You know, whatever floats your boat.

But whatever floats in somebody's pool? That ain't all right. I'm pretty sure John would agree with me, too.

Unfortunately, Ohio man Edwin Charles Tobergta either didn't know or didn't care that he was crossing the line of acceptable vice-indulging when he dropped trou and "engaged in sexual conduct"with a pink, inflatable swimming pool raft in public.

Still more unfortunately, it wasn't even his raft. (Though I doubt the owner really wants it anymore.)

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Oh, Mr. Tobergta. I kinda feel bad for the guy, honestly -- his grandmother told police he "has a lot of mental problems and he's always had a fascination for plastic," adding, "that's just it. That's all of it. We never could get the proper care for Edwin. It's like nobody cares."

That's just it. Can't you picture the poor old lady throwing her hands up in the air, exasperated? See, Tobergta has apparently been arrested nearly half a dozen times for "similar offenses." I'm imagining the string of phone calls this woman has received over the years: What? Whose front yard did they find him in? He did what with the inflatable Santa? Lord, not again!

I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't make fun of someone who's obviously deeply mentally disturbed. But listen to how Tobertga got caught: He was caught with his pants around his ankles, humping the pool toy by its owner ... and when he realized he'd been spotted, he took off with the raft. Are you getting this? He didn't just drop the raft and run, he took the raft with him. Did he pull his pants up first?Maybe not, since the cops ended up arresting him. Guess he didn't get too far.

Fine, I'll stop. I mean, of course I hope Tobergta gets the help he needs and everything. And this senseless victimization of synthetic inflatables can come to an end at last. AHAHAHAHAHA!