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The Laws Of Ultimate Reality

THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY &Law of Mechanical Repair After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.&Law of GravityAny tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.& Law of ProbabilityThe probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.&Law of Random NumbersIf you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.&Law of the AlibiIf you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.&Variation LawIf you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).& Law of the Bath When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.& Law of Close EncountersThe probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.& Law of the ResultWhen you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.& Law of Biomechanics The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.& Law of the Theater At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.& The Starbucks Law As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.&Murphy's Law of Lockers If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.& Law of Physical SurfacesThe chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.&Law of Logical ArgumentAnything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.&Brown's Law of Physical AppearanceIf the shoe fits, it's ugly.&Oliver's Law of Public SpeakingA closed mouth gathers no feet.&Wilson 's Law of Commercial Marketing StrategyAs soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.&Doctors' LawIf you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

''Life's tough ... it's even tougher if you're stupid.'' - John Wayne

Some things are too good to keep to yourself.
Evan

"Prepare your dog in such a manner that the work he is normally called upon to do under-whelms him, not overwhelms him." ~ Evan Graham“People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.”