CEO: It has been a year since we expanded our company’s
mission to include marriage. You have a
report?

Senior VP of Spousal Monitoring and Marital Bliss: I
do. Is there a specific area you would
like to discuss?

CEO: Give me an overview.

SVP of SM&MB: Sir, I...I
haven’t read the report.

CEO: You haven’t read it?

SVP of SM&MB: The report spans 7,000 pages, with 137
chapters, 29 of which were revised this morning.

CEO: 7,000 pages?!

SVP of SM&MB: Yes.

CEO: Surely some of that is redundant or duplicative from
the report from the two years of engagement, or the years of dating…

SVP of SM&MB: No.
The engagement report lacked realism and experience. The dating report was self-centered and
useless. This is an entirely new document.

CEO: Wow. Alright
then. The Official Guide to Being a
Husband.

SVP of SM&MB: No.

CEO: It’s still in the draft stage?

SVP of SM&MB: Draft stage is a generous term. This is more like an outline, of a section,
of an ongoing set of guidelines that will likely never be complete.

CEO: I don’t understand.

SVP of SM&MB: Think of my department as an
astronomer. There’s no way to “finish”
astronomy. You just look at your piece
of sky, make some observations, and move the discussion along. Until you find something new and are forced to
revise all of your previous work.

CEO: …Ok. Let’s discuss some areas where we can improve.

SVP of SM&MB: He could make fewer salads. Less vegetables with meals generally. The Wife dislikes them.

CEO: No. What else?

SVP of SM&MB: He could stop referring to The Wife as The
War Department.

CEO: Reports indicate she secretly likes it. What else?

SVP of SM&MB: He could get a job.

CEO: Let’s not make any rash decisions. What else?

SVP of SM&MB: That’s all I had time to prepare. We should really reschedule once I have time
to-