Friday, February 17, 2012

Because I said so.

One of my favorite pics from kid's camp a couple of years ago. I love him.

In honor of Valentine's week, my thoughts on marriage. A couple of weeks ago I was in the grocery store line, wrestling Judah and discouraging Quinn from rifling through the gum and candy that she was in arms reach of, when I started noticing the many magazine and tabloid covers around me. It seems like everyone in Hollywood is getting a divorce. Some days I get frustrated with my husband and there have even been days when I've thought about what it would be like if I just left. I know. That's horrible. I'm sorry if that is shocking and offensive. I don't have any intention of leaving Chris and I don't entertain those thoughts, because I know they originate from the enemy of our marriage. However, sometimes they do come and I wonder what it would be like. I think it would be so incredibly sad. After these 4.5 years of marriage and 1 year before that of dating and engagement, it would just be desperately sad. So, how do these Hollywood folks just walk away like they do. I saw pictures of Demi and Ashton. Others screamed things about Jennifer Aniston's amazing abs, which made me think about her broken marriage to Brad Pitt. How can a person love someone enough to promise their life and then just walk away? I know that there are circumstances where a spouse is endangered in a relationship (time to get away) or when someone has been unfaithful. I understand that those must be really difficult, and I can't imagine what I would do in those instances. But I really don't think those are the majority of situations. I think people must just get tired of cleaning up after each other. I think they must just get frustrated with the little things that we all get frustrated about. I could gripe until kingdom come about "pushing your chair under the table so that Judah doesn't see it and want to climb onto the table and wreck shop after dinner" or "please use the hamper and not just pile your shorts on top of it." I know that he feels the same way about me when I forget to raise the steering wheel and he cracks his knee when he gets in the car. There are a lot more where that came from, but my memory fails me. :) Those are all such shallow things, really. I have promised that I would be with Chris for the rest of my days. I understand how the trouble starts though. You start thinking about those little annoyances and then it's down hill from there. I think the biggest thing is, people don't ask God for help. We need God in our marriage. I can be selfish and disrespectful. Chris can be sarcastic and smarty pants. We really need Him. I don't say any of this to say we have a bad marriage. We don't. We have a really, really good marriage. But without God, we're hopeless just like any other couple without God. I think it all boils down to the fact that I need God in every single area of my life. There is not one area that I look at and say, "God, I think I've got this." Parenting, work, marriage, creativity, finances, fun, time management. I need his help every second of the day. When I promised my life to Chris, I meant it. I will stay with him because I said so, and with God's help. For all of the non-chair-pushing and non-hamper-using, he is 1,000 times more wonderful. I love his hairy face. I need his relaxed, easy going spirit to chill me out when I'm tense and overly worried about things. I just love who he is. Next time those thoughts try to creep in, I will stand firm and tell that disgusting voice of discouragment that I'm not going anywhere. Chris is forever "just what I've always wanted."