2/01/2006 @ 1:57PM

How To Motivate Bad Employees

The Manipulator

The manipulative employee thinks everything is all about him. At best, they’re backbiters, but more often than not they keep score and seek payback years after a perceived slight. Such people are hollow at their core and don’t know how to form stable relationships. Don’t share personal information with such people, because they’ll use it against you. Manipulators can be charming and might succeed in sales or as deal closers. Be careful, because constant vigilance isn’t enough.

Perfectionist

A perfectionist never gets off the dime. They fuss and fulminate and believe everything has to be just so. They seek to control the small details because they’re afraid of failure. Don’t expect perfectionists to be good team players. They do best with solitary, rule-based tasks and often excel at accounting or other detailed jobs.

The Defiant

Defiant workers often have great potential, but tapping it is a long-term project. Get to know such workers. Most just don’t like to be fenced in. Turn their independent streak loose and let them roam. Difficult tasks are a challenge for such workers–not a burden. They’ll charge right at any barrier, so don’t waste your time building walls.

Mr. And Ms. Irresponsible

Chronologically, irresponsible workers aren’t kids–they just act that way. Try to find out what makes ‘em tick: money, attention, strokes? Set standards, enforce them rigorously and show your appreciation for a job well done. When you find something that works, it must be done again and again and again, forever and ever without end, amen, because they will quickly backslide.

Dr. Phils Patients

You’re a manager, not a TV shrink fixing the world’s problems between commercial breaks. If an outside problem gets in the way of a critical assignment, give the worker a less stressful task. Then offer your support. You can’t be a therapist, but you can direct the worker to an outside person who can help.

Lolita

Some young women believe sexy clothes are the only way to make themselves appealing. A few crave attention, but most just don’t have a clue. If you’re a man, get a female colleague to explain that what’s acceptable at the beach or bar is inappropriate for work. Set standards and enforce them. If necessary, send the worker home to change.

The Office Dennis Miller

Such workers tend to be bright, but don’t have a clue that what they see as clever and playful is often painful to others. Let them know that their effectiveness and opportunities for advancement are limited by their current style of communication. After defining the problem, most will moderate the zingers. Those who don’t will languish in their current position, and most will eventually leave.

The Chronically Late

Such workers may not understand the rules and may not know what’s expected of them. They may be procrastinators who don’t know how to get started or simply don’t know how to manage their time. Set rules and enforce them. Document repeated tardiness. Make it clear that if they’re not at work on time, they’ll have to make up the hours or their pay will be docked.

Inconsistent Performers

The root of the problem probably isn’t something chronic like manic mood swings, but may be as brutal as drug or alcohol abuse. Keep an eye out for the signs of addiction. Talk to the employee privately. Don’t cave to sob stories. If the worker is boozing, demand that he seek help. The problem requires constant checking.

Thieves

You’re not a Sunday school teacher, and you can’t run a business while waiting for an employee to develop morals. Some workers feel they’re not paid enough and therefore help themselves to whatever they can grab. Others just feel entitled to as much loot as they can pilfer. It makes no difference. If the thievery continues after a stern warning, fire the worker; such people can do irreparable harm to the company.