SweeTarts rope

At a certain point in your life, candy just doesn't have the meaning it once had. I suspect it's about the time when lunch stops having a "dessert" portion, or around the time you graduate from 5th grade -- whichever comes first. Keeping this in mind, most days, my lunch is pretty boring, but when last at the downtown convenience store I realized I could have the convenience of paying $0.89 for two weird pieces of SweeTart Rope. And so I did.

Honestly, I wasn't hoping for much. Other reviews suggested that "This product is not really worth buying if you want a quality product" which is not really an endorsement if you want a quality endorsement. Plus, they don't exactly look great:

So how to describe them? They're weird red tubes, tasting like sour Twizzlers, but a little stale and tough -- overly chewy. Inside there's this blue goo that also has some leftover Willy Wonka Nerds mixed in, so there's this wholly unwelcome "crunch" to the candy as well. The consistency is such that if you squeeze the tube, the blue chunky goo comes out like a tube of toothpaste.

The whole package is like what people feared we'd eat in the future -- in the 1980's. Personally, as far as post-apocalyptic foodstuffs go, I would prefer astronaut ice cream, fresh from the Boston Science Museum Gift Shop.