Random Thoughts for April, 2013

I was surprised that Jesse Jackson didn’t condemn the “White Smoke-Black Smoke” Pope signals as racist. And I can’t figure out why every day until the Pope was picked the media reported “Black Smoke,” that is, “No News,” as “Breaking News.” And if they catch the new Pope praying, will the media charge him with being divisive, like Tebow? Or call him a “White Hispanic”?

If you are taken prisoner by militant members of The Religion of Peace, and they only kill you, you got off easy.

Yes, I know that British English makes more sense in this case, but in American English, periods and commas always go inside the quotation marks. (Except in some very limited technical writing, I understand.)

I support a strong Green agenda for the country. That is, stimulating the economy by putting more “green” in the pockets of American workers and consumers by reducing government size, government waste, government regulations and government spending, especially on Green Crony Capitalism.

Any mainstream media journalist who decides not to be Obama’s bitch, even for a day, better stand by for a whipping. The pack won’t tolerate deviation or apostasy.

From Larry, a buddy from Vietnam: “Earlier today, I heard on Fox news that a German study has concluded that people who have a negative outlook about the future tend to live longer than the smiley face people. If that's true, I figure I am damned near immortal.”

You say it’s okay to take a semi-automatic rifle or large capacity magazines from me because in your opinion I “don’t need it.” Okay, in my opinion, you “don’t need” Freedom of Speech, the Press or Religion. And your surely don’t need free birth control, abortion or ObamaCare. So if you can take things you don’t think I need, I can take things from you I don’t think you need.

They say our bodies have internal clocks. Mine would like to stay up for 18 hours, then sleep for 10, meaning I need 28 hours in a day. It begs the question, what planet am I from? (Snarky replies may be posted in the comments section of my blog.)

There is a theory that the Iraq War elected Obama. If so, we should call him “Saddam’s Revenge.”

When I was in high school, I heard a lot of smokers say, “If they ever get to a dollar a pack, I’m quitting!” They just went to over $12 a pack here in Chicago. I still see them puffing away. Liberals love cigarette taxes, and just added another dollar here in Crook County, IL, bringing the tax per pack to $6.57. Why? Because they fall heaviest on the poor and lower classes. Makes them paid their fair share for liberal fantasy programs.

Couldn’t government at least cut spending by the percentage that American workers’ incomes have dropped in the Obama economy?

I told my doctor that if I die, he should look in the mirror every morning and say, “I’m a failure.” Kind of egocentric, I know, but I like to incentivize them.

Here’s a compromise. We keep ObamaCare, but give every citizen a waiver like the unions are getting.

Michael Moore tweeted that Capitalism is a Crime. Since it made him rich, he may have a point.

Since, in theory, any Christian male can be selected as pope, I thought I might apply. But I discovered they are pretty inflexible on that celibacy thing.

A Catholic who supports abortion is like a vegan who eats hamburgers every day.

The White House statement to Bob Woodward that he “would regret challenging them” was carefully worded to be read in more ways than one, giving them deniability. Like the constituent, lobbing for me to get his son’s driver’s license back after he killed someone in a DUI accident, saying, “Senator, this means a lot of money to us.” Not legally a bribe offer, but one gets the queasy feeling if I’d asked, “How much,” it could have been. I did nothing and in the next election, he campaigned for the Democrat. I won by 10,000 votes. But I never found out how much money the kid’s license was worth… Probably why I left the senate without a lot of assets or cash after five terms.

The number of good people trying to turn around places like Detroit, Illinois and California is exceeded by the number of people who have decided it’s hopeless and are relocating. This happened in Detroit years ago, and is now taking place elsewhere. It is self-fulfilling, of course, as every competent, productive citizen who leaves the progressive hellholes makes the situation worse.

If you proposed a “Violence Against Men Act,” you be eviscerated for sex discrimination.

Headlines: “Cardinals to select new leader.” (I wonder what’s going on with St. Louis.) “Titanic II called safe.” (So was Titanic I.)

People always see certainty in an uncertain world. Thus they try to quantify the unquantifiable with meaningless metrics, from Medical codes that try to measure the “intensity” of a doctor’s effort on a procedure, to “objective” salary administration plans that award raises based on the arbitrary numbers in performance reviews, to efforts to give a dollar value to PR efforts.

Sunny days make even ugly houses and bad neighborhoods look good. Go house hunting on a cloudy day.

People who speed up to block a lane when they see you signal for a lane change deserve to have a flat tire at rush hour. So I put a curse on them to do that. This avoids road rage.

Nothing guarantees an unhappy life like the lack of self-discipline.

If you usually deliver more than you promise, you will be appreciated for your rarity if nothing else. If you want to build a good, long-term reputation, under promise and over perform.

Pundits always talk about a President's "legacy." Hard to believe whoever is President, he wakes up in the morning with this on his mind.

Charges of "hate speech" directed at any disagreement with a liberal are losing their punch from overuse, just as the ubiquitous charge of “racism” has.

The Jewish war cry is, “Never again!” But European Progressives—and many in the US—look at Israel and say, “Well, once more would be fine…”

The world has become a carnival freak show. I feel the need to stick around just to see what nutty thing happens next.

In ten years, the Dow will be priced in ammo and canned goods.

We had a big March snow storm in the Chicago area. I understand it was due to the Republicans refusing to compromise.

Some of the folks who e-mail me stuff are like the blond in the commercial, with the “French Model” for a date: “They can’t put anything on the Internet if it isn’t true.”

When my computer doesn’t respond as quickly as I think it should, I tend to click again, making things worse. Then I tend to swear at it. But how come an old guy like me is faster than a computer?

There as so many factions in Syria, I think there is zero chance that they won’t fight among themselves—with western-supplied weapons—once the regime falls. This will not be over for years.

If I was a US Senator, I’d never filibuster. I can’t even sleep more than two hours without a head call.

I’ll buy universal background checks for buying guns if we get universal prosecution for felons attempting to buy guns illegally. The vast majority are not prosecuted. Mandatory one year in prison for a felon attempting to buy a gun, five years for a felon possessing a gun, five years for using a gun in a crime, five years for selling a gun illegally to a felon, ten years for using a gun in a crime where someone is injured. Democrats are for more laws and less enforcement, because enforcement tends to fall on certain Democrat base groups that commit a disproportionate number of crimes.

I think of crackers as just a delivery system for cheese or peanut butter.

Thank God they passed the “Violence Against Women” act. Who knew that violence against women was legal? Now it will be illegal, same as violence against men.

Should not Barack Obama get a Lifetime Darwin award for spending the whole country into oblivion?

Funny how Bush water boarding three foreign terrorists was terrible, but Obama asserting the right to assassinate American citizens on American soil with drones is no big deal with the media.

I’m afraid the people who send me free address labels and other guilt gifts will figure out I’m not going to give them any money and stop. But so far, so good.

Is there anything less based in reality than “Reality TV”? Not counting, of course White House claims on the sequester or liberals’ ignorant statements on guns, such as Michelle Obama claiming on TV (edited out by their kneepad-media sycophants) that 15-year-old Hadiya Pendleton was killed with an automatic weapon. Police found no shell casing and believe she was murdered by a black gang member with a revolver, not even a semi-automatic pistol. But like Reality TV, they don’t let facts stand in their way. And the media protects them.

A statement of fact or a promise from Obama is like a gallon of milk. It comes with a “sell-by” expiration date. After that, it is likely to smell bad.

Most people, probably including me, have an unrealistic view of their intellect, abilities and limitations. But the closer to reality their views are, the more likely they are to have happy, effective and successful lives.

He lied about taxes, the deficit, jobs, Benghazi, drug cartel guns, Gitmo & much else. When will people catch on?

People say “Once wouldn’t hurt” about diets and worse things such as drugs. But they forget a new chance for “once” comes every day. “Once” is a killer.

In organizations, many of the people busy drilling holes in the boat complain the loudest when they discover it is sinking. This is true of countries as well.

If bullshit was gold, Obama would have more than kept his promise to cut the deficit in half.

When someone dies who is a loss to the world, you say, “RIP” for “Rest in Peace.” When a monster like Hugo Chavez dies, you should say, “RIH” for “Rot in Hell.”

Hugo Chavez oppressed his people, destroyed the country’s economy, particularly the oil industry through socialist policies, smashed basic freedoms like freedom of the press, enriched himself at the expense of the people to the tune of two billion dollars, and hated America. Of course loony leftists from Jimmy Carter to Michael Moore to most Hollywood twits loved him and mourned his passing.

Today’s progressives are far more Keynesian than Keynes was.

I’m not paranoid, but I don’t see how it hurts to line my baseball caps with tin foil…

Leftists say they value diversity. 50% of our immigrants are Hispanics. Why not get diversity by having a balance of immigrants from other cultures and countries? Because it’s only for show.

If Obama was half as good at governing as getting himself elected, the country would be in a lot better shape. Unfortunately, that’s true about a lot of politicians in both parties. Maybe it was true of me when I was a senator—I don’t have an objective viewpoint.

White racism is called racism. Islamic racism is called multiculturalism. Black Racism is called affirmative action.

What can I do to help the conservative cause today? I know, find some Republicans I disagree with on some issue and rip them up. That'll help.

At some jobs I’ve held, I was appreciated a lot more for what I accomplish there after I left than when I was there. I think that’s a good thing. Some of my predecessors were despised after I turned over the right rocks.

People often brag about how little sleep they get. Isn’t that like bragging about getting too little food or exercise?

I like being at work, but I hate getting out of bed in the morning and getting ready for work. Worst part of the day.

What I call “Bright Guy Disease” is a common problem. It’s the fellow who is so accomplished in his own field, and so used to dealing with folks who aren’t at his cognitive level, that he now thinks he is not only smarter than everyone he meets, but that he knows more about law than his lawyer, more about airplanes than the pilot, and so on. It leads them into a lot of traps and troubles. I would say this was true about Obama, except the only thing I know he’s accomplished at is getting elected to public office. The record elsewhere is thinner than a Vegas hooker’s nightgown.

While slavery existed in every society, and people of all races and religions were enslaved, including millions of European Christians enslaved by Muslims, we can all now agree that it was a terrible thing, and America and the world would be far better off if not one slave had been brought to these shores.

There’s an old military maxim that if you defend everywhere, you defend nowhere. This is because you are spread so thin, the defense is ineffective. The same might be said of organizations, including governments. “If you try to focus on everything you could be doing, you will focus on nothing enough to the extent that you will accomplish your goals.”

I feel about the country now like a guy who for hours has warned about a train wreck because the bridge is out, to no avail. The train is now on the trestle, the plunge into the abyss cannot be avoided, and I watch and report on it in resigned horror, having made my peace with the unthinkable. Maybe God will intervene.

I’m thinking of stopping voting for conservatives. They never give me free stuff they took from someone who worked to earn it. It’s just not fair.

If you are an unfashionable guy, you get to decide what you will wear. If you are a fashionable guy, a gay guy in New York decides what you will wear.

Obama reminds me of the old Family Circus cartoon bit, where something bad happens, and all the kids are innocent, as it was caused by a little ghost named “NotMe.”

If the employment rate was declining as fast as people were leaving the work force, and the economy was growing as fast as the food stamp list, the Social Security Disability rolls, or new government regulations, we’d be in The Obama Boom.

Humans, thy name is hypocrisy.

If you want an abortion, it’s “Your Body, Your Choice.” But if you want an extra large soda, you’re out of luck.

Forgive and forget if you want to. I’m plotting revenge.

I love curry, but I suspect it was first created to cover up the taste of rancid goat.

Well, looks like I can take “Be Elected Pope” off my bucket list. Not gonna happen. But “Be Appointed Warden of the West March” is still there. Who knows what will happen if Scotland votes for independence?

Both parties and sides of the political divide are a lot better at preventing change the other side wants than instituting the change they want. So we drift toward the abyss.

I learned long ago that doing nothing is often the right thing to do. But doing nothing is hard for a guy like me. It’s very hard for politicians when the press and public are clambering for them to “do something!”

The politician’s credo: What matters is not what happens, but who gets the blame.

Real men don’t sit around talking about what “real men” do.

Everyone says "love" or "hate" when they mean "like" or "don't like." It’s wrecking the language.

Thinks made specifically to be "collectable" aren't. They are almost always a bad investment.

Talking to some people is like shouting down a well.

I have no interest in Super Hero movies where they fight imaginary monsters. If you want heroes, the world is full of real, human heroes, with all the flaws and weakness of humans, fighting real monsters. Some of those monsters are things like disease, but most look just like us.

When someone says someone else is a RINO because they disagree on some issue, they never tell you who made them the judge of what core Republican principles should be.

March Madness is high on the list of things that bore me.

Most of the former legislators I met who worked for the government after they left office were at pains to tell me it was a “real job with important work.”

We forget that the Muslim extremists kill about a hundred fellow Muslims, who interpret the unchangeable word of Allah slightly differently, or happen to be in the wrong place, for every Christian or Jew they murder. But criticizing the murderers is “Islamophobic,” so they just have to go on dying.

I know I’ve gotten old. People keep telling me how young I look.

“Utilize” is a fancy way to say “use” to sound smart.

People who credit Bill Clinton for balancing the budget forget he had a HUGE advantage—a Republican Congress. Congress has to pass the budget and every penny in spending. The current Democrat Senate took four years to pass one.

I was at a lecture where it was claimed that in the US, one person out of three outweighs the other two put together. Look around. Maybe it’s you?

A Progressive would always raise taxes on the “rich” and on business, even if it brought in less revenue for government programs, because it’s “fair.”

What is the difference between the proposed EU tax on the assets people have in Cyprus banks, and the ObamaCare tax on the assets people have in their homes when sold for over a certain amount?

I guess I'm old fashioned. I can't get used to having the guy next to me at the men's room urinals chatting away to his wife on his cell phone.

Do you think it's a coincident that "affluent" and "effluent" sound so much alike?

I have a rather strict view of art. If I could have done it, it's not art. No matter how much they charged the taxpayers to produce and display it.

Karaoke is one of the great evils of modern life.

Many parents look at their teenager and wish the kid had been switched in the hospital for Rosemary's Baby.

From a Vietnam Marine buddy, Larry: "My doctor told me to start killing people. Well, not in those exact words. He said I had to reduce the stress in my life. Same thing."

With drones killing people, I guess the First Law of Robotics has been repealed?

I usually can’t tell non-conformists apart—they all look the same. But at least that different drummer they all march to keeps them in step.

I’ve been fortunate to get more than one job where the previous person was incompetent, unethical or both. Then all you have to do is act with integrity, do the work and be reasonable, and you’re a star!

The two most valuable assets a person can have are health and reputation. Ask someone with a life threatening health challenge, such as my pulmonary fibrosis, if they’d rather win a ten million dollar lottery or be in good health. No contest. Health can be a matter of luck—there’s no telling why I have pulmonary fibrosis. But it is also a matter of choices: exercising, weight control, eating right, not smoking or using drugs, controlling alcohol consumption. Reputation is almost as valuable, and is almost entirely under your own control. My reputation for integrity, hard work, reliability, competence and getting things done has served me well in my life. Yet far too many people throw away these assets by making short-term, live-in-the moment decisions. It’s like dropping money down a well, but worse.

I don't have a real problem with gay marriage. I think that straight people having kids and not getting married, as happens in ever-increasing numbers, is a hundred times worse a threat to our culture and country. My marriage is strong enough that the lesbian couple next door getting married won't hurt it a bit. I don't think people choose to be gay, because, no matter how mad or hurt I was with a woman, I never said, "Damn, I think I'll date guys from now on." If you think it's a choice, to me it means you must have thought about making that choice. I never did. But when I was a young, single, Republican state senator representing a 4-1 Democrat district I had won by only nine votes out of 60,000+ cast, I agreed to be senate floor manager and first speaker for bills to prohibit employment and housing discrimination against gays. That was 1973, so I suspect I was the first legislator in the country to speak in a legislature for gay rights. (I know this makes me a RINO in some folk’s eyes and they will now demand that I vote for liberals and progressive policies like banning guns, more taxes, bigger government and green boondoggles, but I won't do it. Sorry.) The Democrats assumed I had committed political suicide and had a field day, spreading the rumor that I was gay. This was truly wonderful. It pretty much inoculated my rather robust romantic life with women from criticism. If a woman was seen leaving my place at 6:00 am, it was suddenly a political plus. And in the next election, I crushed their candidate by over 10,000 votes, carrying every city and town including the ward he represented on the city council. But—here's the But—I know that many good and decent people believe that their faith teaches them that gay marriage or homosexuality is morally wrong and sinful. Calling them bigots for their religious faith is just as evil and intolerant as calling gay people queers, homos or faggots. It is the progressive version of the WestboroBaptistChurch. Let's have some tolerance both ways, okay?

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Robert A. Hall is the author of The Coming Collapse of the American Republic.