What I’d Tell Myself if I Were 18 Again

What I’d Tell Myself if I Were 18 Again

I like to joke that I am who I am today because I did everything wrong in my 20’s. I’ve always been fearless, and it often got me in trouble. I wasn’t afraid to start a business, borrow a bunch of money, or quit a well-paying job to travel the world.

At the same time, the fact that I took chances (and often failed) gave me the wisdom that I have today. Lessons learned through failure tend to be much more meaningful than lessons learned otherwise.

Now that I’m in my 30’s, life is pretty good. While I haven’t learned it all, I feel my head is screwed on straight enough that life is much less stressful. I’ve come into my own and built the foundation for a secure and prosperous future.

Even though things are going well, I often imagine what it would be like to go back into the past and teach myself what I know now. I know enough to be certain that I lost most of my twenties to a struggle with debt and poor decisions. If I had done things differently, maybe I could have been where I am now at age 22.

Could you imagine? Self employed and almost financially independent at age 22? No… not almost. My expenses were much less back then… I would have been financially free!

I know, it doesn’t do any good to ask what if. If I had known it all at age 22, I probably would have been a little cocky. Doing things the hard way seasoned my character. I like who I am and I wouldn’t change a thing.

But what if…

What I’d Tell Myself at 18

Sometimes I imagine that I’m in a fishing boat, thousands of miles away from the life I know, slowly drifting across a lake. As I recline at an uncomfortable angle created by the wood bench and aluminum hull, I glance over at the 18 year-old version of myself and upload my wisdom to him.

Here’s what I say:

Don’t be so Serious

Relax… You’ve got your whole life ahead of you. I know it can seem like the most important thing in the world is fighting the good fight, but don’t let your life pass you by in the process. There’ll be plenty of time for starting businesses, writing books, creating art, and solving the world’s problems in your head.

It’s impressive that you do those things at such a young age, but life is really about experiences. Above all, it’s about sharing experiences with other people. Sometimes when you’re all wrapped up in your own head, doing the things that you are determined to do, you miss a chance to connect with other people.

So take it easy. Have some fun. Do something crazy. Let loose. Call up some friends and share some great moments together.

Don’t Be in Such a Hurry to Grow Up

A funny thing happens as you age: The older you get, the less of a hurry you’re in. You’d think it would be the other way around: the less time you have, the more of a hurry you’re in; but it’s actually quite the opposite.

At 18, it seems like you have to rush everything before you get too old. You think you have to graduate college, get a good job, and get married before you turn 22, because (for some reason) you think 22 is old.

Don’t take being young for granted! Being a kid without responsibility is a thing of beauty. I know you don’t appreciate it now, but you will when you’re my age.

22 is just getting started! In fact, life gets more enjoyable as you age. As you learn more about yourself and the world, it gets easier to enjoy what the world has to offer.

Your 20’s are the perfect time to explore the world and experience new things. If you grow up before you turn 22, you’ll have missed a perfect opportunity. Experiences at 18 are just not the same as when you’re 25.

Travel, art, culture, sport, and adventure take on a whole new meaning when you have had some experience to build on. As you add layer upon layer, each experience is more rich than the last.

Choose Experience over Material Possessions

If you’re ever faced with the choice of upgrading your lifestyle (an apartment by yourself, a new car, new clothes, etc.) or working less so you can experience more; chose the latter.

When I was your age, I thought I needed to have nice stuff so girls would like me. I ended up working so hard to pay for the stuff that I didn’t have time to meet girls.

Working hard is for grown-ups. Be a kid for as long as you can, even if it means living with a roommate in a crappy apartment and riding your bike around town.

Besides, girls aren’t going to like you for awhile anyway. What they really want is a man with a little confidence and life experience under his belt. Working too hard will just delay that process.

Be Confident

Oh yeah, you might as well get a head start on your confidence. Believe in yourself no matter what. Don’t let self-doubt ruin your chance to meet a new girl or to try something new.

I know I just said that girls aren’t going to like you anyway, but that’s not entirely true. While you are accumulating the wisdom that comes with life experiences, your best shot is to project confidence.

Always act like you know what you’re doing, even if you don’t. The biggest turn-off for a girl is self-doubt. If she still doesn’t like you, take it with grace and move on quickly.

Don’t start doubting yourself if you get turned down. You’re going to get turned down A LOT before you finally get the girl.

Don’t Get Attached

When you finally do get a girlfriend, take it easy. Along the same line as not trying to grow up too quickly, don’t fall into the trap of thinking that this is the best girl you’ll ever get. The second biggest turnoff for a girl is an 18 year old guy who’s already thinking about marriage.

Relax a little and enjoy the moment. Besides, you’re going to have several girlfriends before you find “the one.” How are you going to be able to know what you want if you don’t have anything to compare it to?

As you get older, you’ll naturally become more attractive to women. I had no idea this was true when I was your age. I thought that I was as attractive as I’d ever be. Not true.

It gets easier, I promise.

Don’t Get a Credit Card

If I didn’t get a credit card when I was your age, I would have saved myself 10 years of financial struggle.

I know it seems like you have to be a grown up and have nice things, but you’ve got to think long-term. If you can just have the patience to hold off a few years on the nice stuff, you’ll be able to afford more of it than you can imagine.

Buying something today on credit because you can’t wait will impact your financial situation for years to come.

Simply have the mind to save up for what you want to buy. If you buy with cash, you’ll always own what you have, and be free to do what you want.

When people build up debt and monthly payments, they become slaves to their job. They have to work to pay for all the junk that they put on their credit cards.

Put Money Away Every Month

Take this advice and you’ll never regret it. Open a savings account and set up an automatic withdrawal from your checking account each month. Don’t touch the money, NO MATTER WHAT!

Even if you can only afford $10 a month, you must stick to this plan because it’s your ticket to freedom. In five or ten years (whenever you decide to grow up), you’ll use this money to invest in something that makes passive income, like real estate.

Travel and Learn a Language

One of the wisest decisions I ever made is to live in another culture long enough to learn the language. (Read The Secret to Learning a Language for detailed instructions.)

Don’t just take language classes and backpack around Europe at a furious pace; immerse yourself in a culture. Pick a place and stay there for several months.

The best time to do this is the year after you graduate from college. You’ll be old enough to appreciate the experience, but young enough that you won’t have any responsibility.

If you took my advice about taking your time to grow up, you won’t yet be attached to a mortgage payment, a job, or a girl. Move all your stuff into a corner of your parent’s basement and live abroad.

It’s actually a lot more affordable that you might think, especially if you don’t have any expenses at home. Get a job in your chosen country if you need to.

Don’t allow yourself to hang out with other English-speaking people. That’s too easy. Force yourself to learn the language. It will be frustrating at first, but the life-long benefit will be greater than you can imagine.

Keep a Journal

Get a Moleskine Notebook and carry it in your back pocket wherever you go. Don’t be a perfectionist with it, just jot whatever comes to your mind in it.

Having a journal will help to solidify your thoughts. The act of writing helps to close the circle of ideas from your head to your hand and back to your head.

Plus, you’ll have a record of your thoughts for generations to come.

Get to Know People

As you travel and try new things, make it a point to meet people. As I said before, the most valuable things in life are shared experiences with other people.

There is so much you can learn from people. Open your mind and take in different perspectives. Put yourself in their shoes and try to understand why they think the way they do.

Your success in life will depend on your network of people. It’s impossible to achieve success in a vacuum. You never know what opportunities will present themselves when you meet new people.

There’s No Rush to Have it All Figured Out

When I was your age, I felt pressure to have my life’s purpose figured out. I think a lot of young people think there’s something wrong with them if they haven’t “found themselves” by age 22.

Most people don’t figure things out until much later in life (if at all). That’s what your twenties are for: exploring different paths, making mistakes, falling on your face, and building your character.

Take your time figuring it all out. You don’t want to rush such a grand decision as your life’s purpose.

Savor the Moment

Experience the textures, sights, sounds, and feelings of each moment. Time moves faster than you think. Your youth is special and you’ll want to remember it for the rest of your life.

Start Businesses Without Borrowing Money

When you decide to start a business, don’t go into debt over it. Most businesses fail, and it’s better to be left with nothing than to not have anything and still owe someone else money.

Pick a business that doesn’t cost much to start and grow slowly, reinvesting your earnings.

Stay away from services. I made the mistake when I was your age of starting a T-shirt design service. The problem with services is that you have to re-create your work if you want to get paid again. Find something that pays you over and over for work done once.

Pick Something and Stick With It

Once you’ve had your fun traveling the world and being young, find a line of work that you are passionate about. Don’t worry about the money, that will come with time. As long as you are out of debt and putting money into savings each month, you’re going to be just fine.

Don’t get into the habit of changing your mind all the time. Each time you change course, you lose all your start-up energy. Learn how exponential growth can affect your level of success in your chosen field.

If you are passionate about what you do, and stick with it, you can’t help but be successful.

Back to Reality…

It’s fun to think about what might have been, but in reality, we can’t change the past. Ten years from now, I’ll have a whole new list of things I wish I knew in my 30’s. I would do well to take my own advice, and enjoy each moment.

64 Comments

I’m quite sure most of us have imagined doing this very same thing. It is however a very good exercise nonetheless. An honest self assessment can really provide us with some valuable insights for future reference & development. I enjoyed the read, nicely done.

I really enjoyed reading your article. Great advice for everyone, no matter what age. We could all take a leaf out your book and write a letter to our younger selves, as you say to help us think of all the important lessons we’ve learned in life.
We could go one further and write one to ourselves now but from 20 years in the future. Imagine what we would advise ourselves to do now, from an older wiser more experienced us. It may just help us to think about what’s really important in life. Spur us on to take action on things we may want but are afraid to do. It may just help us to review what life might be like if we take that advice.
No matter what age we are, I agree we should never give up enjoying life, laughing as much as possible and enjoying what you do.http://www.selfhelpforyoursuccess.com

Brian, I really enjoyed reading this. You offer a lot of sound advice and earthy insight. It makes me appreciate the fact that maturity does not have to be a function of experience. Rather, much more plausibly, it is a function of judgement.

I suppose where experience comes into it is that with greater experience, you are better equipped to make better decisions.

A great article. I have almost the same advice that I will give to my 18 year old self. Now the challenge is to make sure that when I turn 65, I will not give the same advice to my 30 year old self. Cheers.

great post Brian. Its fun to look back and think about when we were younger. Now we are older and know this stuff. Its not too late, now is the the time to use this information. We can still live the life we want!

While it has a lot of good advice, I had a hard time dealing with the heterosexist presumption that runs throughout the essay. Without any qualifications, it simply presumes that the reader must, of course, also be a male who is heterosexual. Couldn’t the author have made it more inclusive and respectful of diversity? The essay is of a piece with the general media (e.g., movies), which always adopt the straight male viewpoint. Bottom line: I would hope that one of the things you’d learn at 18 is to challenge and question all your assumptions and not adopt only one filter through which to view the world. Humans come in all flavors. The day of straight male privilege and power is fast fading.

Loved the article! Glad I got to read it at 16 🙂 is it sad that at 16 I have already been stressing about my future and career path for quite a while? I’ve struggled balancing my secret and crazy dream and doing what is expected of me from my parents. I’m a smart kid and come from a middle-class background. My whole family has been a part of sports (including myself) and i dont mind it. my parents expect me to have this great future doing smart people stuff. (that sounds intelligent right? lol) The typical “you need to be a doctor/lawyer” bit. But what i really want is to be part of the film industry. I have virtually no idea about it at all, but it fascinates me more so than anything else i do. The issue, however, is i feel like that would be wasting what my parents have invested in my education already having gone to private schools specifically to one day attain their idea of a “smart job”. I’m even embarrassed to admit to a bunch of strangers online that i’ll never meet that i think i want to act in particular (although the whole industry fascinates me). Ive done a few theater acting things in the past but nothing substantial or very serious and I like film much more. I just feel like theater is so exaggerated. How does one even practice acting? How does one even get better? I’m pretty sure I’m already horrible at it but I really enjoy it. The good thing is that I know im a hard worker and willing to do what it takes. Honestly though, I’d be thrilled just to be an extra or someone’s assitant that runs out and buys donuts and coffee, but i have no idea to get into it at all. Even though I AM young, I feel like there are things i could do to get going on it. I feel like i’ve wasted valuable time. I just dont even know where to begin.

I doubt that anyone is going to read this, but writing it all out like that made me feel much better. Any advice is welcome 🙂

I think we’re in the same boat. I am 21 with a 2 year degree and I’m working on my bachelor’s degree in Computer Science. I have a very good technical background, and I’ve been thinking about starting up some kind of Internet business. Of course, I have no idea what kind of business to start or where to begin, but maybe you’d be interested in swapping some ideas and maybe making some money in the process. You can email me anytime.

Read this and it really got me thinking…
u see, all my life, i’ve always wanted to get it all right (i still do!) and i guess i pretty much have considering i’m 20 and with a college degree. But, my life is just plain bland! i know i want something more but just don’t know how to get it. i’m tired of the whole comfort zone and lack of adventure… i don’t want to turn 30 and wish i had done better with my 20s. i actually want to look back and laugh at my mistakes
now, the problem is whenever a tiny bit of crazy stuff to do comes knocking (on very rare occasions), the fear creeps in (i start asking every negative ‘what-if’ question in my head), i fold up and every i-want-to-enjoy-my-life thought flies out the window. then i’m back to my freaking boring life!
i wish i had a clue what to do…

Wish I had read this years ago… everything you’ve said to watch out for I’ve been through! I’m now 25 and wish I had taken more time to do the things I wanted to.

I got married at 22, divorced at 24. Borrowed to the hilt and I’m gonna be paying it off until my very late 20’s early 30’s. I’ve got lots of nice things but no money to go out and enjoy myself. I went to University part-time whilst holding down a full time job so while all my friends were out partying and living life I was working and studying. I got the opportunity to go travelling for a year with a friend but decided that my job was more important… hes just got back and had the time of his life.

Bottom line, I’m 25, divorced and single, I’ve never traveled, I’m in debt up to my eyeballs, I have terrible credit, I have nice things that I can’t afford to maintain, my university memories all include working, studying late into the night and sleep deprivation and will always have to live with the fact that I wasted my youth. On the plus side, I have a good job, a solid career and in 5 years I’ll be fairly well off… I’d give it all up to go back to being 21 and free from the pressure of life for one day!

I have to say, i’m 22 and i am terrified of life right now.
I’m still making moves, but my fearless self is nowhere to be found these days. Yes as you said, it felt good to have my degree by age 21.
Most of the milestones i used to mark my success in life have already been accomplished.
It’s good to see that nothing is wrong with me.

Karese again..LOVED this one! I totally agree with the things you’ve said and I must admit, I am guilty for some of them, like being too serious and thinking about marriage (I know..and I’m only sixteen!) I am so gonna stop thinking about that and your right, I am too young to get serious about someone when I have the rest of my life to get serious about someone. I mean, I do have a boyfriend and I like spending time with him and he’s funny, and every says we’re gonna get married…does that mean we will?

Anyway, I think I’m gonna start following your advice! You write really good articles, by the way! And I do keep a journal..been doing it now for years!

Thanks.. i loved this post.. i am actually turning 22. i do have a job.. m done with college.. but i m kinda bored with 9 -5 routine and dissapointed how work keeps me ocupied and how i dont have freedom….. I am in a “exploring myself” mode now.. and i dont wanna waste my whole life working and paying bills.. i love to travel and experience different things. I am working on it…and your post was inspiring.. i am glad i read this at 21 .. and learnt from your experience..thanks 🙂

thank you so much for this post. i just turned 20 [i do think that im old now] and every time I feel like I should hurry up and stress about my career and stuff I go back and read this post. serves as a reminder for me.

10 years ago, I was the kid the teacher picked to make sure everyone was working while she went down the hall… I’ve certainly grown… I have no idea how I’d be able to go live in another country though… Its sounds impossible. I have a whopping 23$ to my name…

Another great article Brian. When I was 18 (7 years ago) I had no idea of what I wanted in life and had no direction. The only advice I would need to give myself would be.

You can do or have anything you want. It doesn’t matter how smart, rich, or good looking you are. All you need is a dream and a desire. All the information and opportunities are out there for the taking. Don’t just go with the flow and let life pass you by. If you want something in life the only way you can get it is by taking action.

Thanks for sharing this. Its hard striking the balance between enjoying the moiment and taking life too seriously.
On the learn a language front, I so wish I had done this at an early age. I keep picking up my Spanish books and work at it for a while and then forget it for a while…I find Michel Thomas’s approach great. With his cds you aren’t meant to learn; its designed in a way which sinks into your subconscious naturally. I wish I’d discovered his cds when I was 18.
Roseanna

Thanks for sharing your wisdom, I’ve definitely incorporated some of your thoughts into my blog, and I’ll be sure to give you credit where credit is due!

Perseverance and determination are wonderful qualities to have from as young an age as possible, but you can never underestimate the value of a shared experience.. a good memory.. a good friend.

I’ve seen it so many times where someone is so passionate about and wrapped up in their work that they forget to have a personal life. Then when work slows down or they run into a setback in work or life, they have nobody there to help them through it, and they don’t have the ability to just relax, let off stress, or meet new people.

Don’t regret not being able to talk to your past self–you probably wouldn’t listen anyway! Without the benefit of the experience you’ve acquired along the way, your advice wouldn’t make much sense to you.

I think it’s interesting that at any age we can look back at ourselves ten years ago and be amazed at how much we’ve grown. That’s encouraging, isn’t it?

I wish I’d met you when I was 18. I’d have fewer scars. I especially like the point about experiences being of value dollars can’t match, especially when it comes to meeting girls. Good point!
Gus
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Great post, Brian! Just starting my first semester of college, this was the perfect thing for me to see.
Even after only a few days, I can see that what you’ve written here holds true, and especially with the self-confidence.
A lot of upper classmen that I’ve talked to say that the #1 problem with incoming college freshmen is that they worry too much about what other people think. The only way that you’ll ever be able to be completely comfortable and enjoy life is when you’re comfortable with yourself.

When we get older we tend to forget some of the important stuff.
We forget how to be kids.
We forget to laugh and play.
We forget to invent and create.
We forget to make others feel good.
We forget to enjoy what we’ve got.

I think about advice I could give my past self every now and then. This is a pretty good list and similar to what I’ve thought in the past.

There are definitely some choices I’ve made in the past that I wish I had been more informed about before making. But then again it’s always hard to put a value on the learning you get by making the mistakes in the first place.

Thanks for the advice! I am about to turn 22, and I stumbled onto your blog a few weeks ago. It’s a lucky find. It’s hard to keep things in perspective and take things as they come, so it never hurts to be reminded with thoughts like these.

1.What Iâ€™d Tell Myself if I Were 18 Againgeniustypes.com4 commentsSocialRank I like to joke that I am who I am today because I did everything wrong in my 20â€™s. Iâ€™ve always been fearless, and it often got me in trouble. I wasnâ€™t afraid to start a business, borrow a bunch of money, or

For me, the biggest struggle is taking time to truly experience life. Years of school and the endless information on the Internet has encouraged me to always be learning but it is very time consuming to stay up-to-date. Sometimes I feel like I spend so much time learning about life that I don’t have time to live life.

Moving forward, my biggest goal is to achieve a balance between life, friends, and learning.

The biggest thing form me was to be okay with not knowing all the answers. In fact, the more I discover and learn, the less I know. I guess you just have to go through that stage. I’m glad I figured that out now instead of in my 40’s. But I’m sure my 30’s will reveal even more life lessons.

Great post Brian. Of course it’s easy to look at this list from my early 40s vantage point and say, “uh huh” “yup” “duh.” But when I think of how I was back then, it might have been difficult to hear some of these. Still it never hurts. And hopefully, you’ve reached a few younger folks and saved them a bit of struggle!

Loved this article! I too am early 30’s and it took me a little time to figure out where I want to go. Its only just starting to get together now!

Hindsight hey! truly the greatest superpower of all time! 🙂

The only thing I disagree with is the ONE material possession you do need, “The House”. I would have said to myself.. buy a house (on your own or with friends) by 21. Its the only thing I regret … Life is so much easier with a roof over your head.

The journal is something I wished I did, as well as take a photo of myself and of something around me EVERYDAY

Also would have told myself.. You don’t know s**t.. and you won’t know much until you’re 25. Life is all about learning!

this exercise, and I thought I’d share it with you folks and see if anyone else wanted to join in. I first saw the idea on Craig Harper’s blog way back in March called A Letter from Old Me to Young Me. Then there was a post over at Genius Types called What I’d Tell Myself if I Were 18 Again. That did it. I knew it was time for me to write this dog gone post already. I think it’s Something Good in that it causes us to take a little time to really think about the important lessons we’ve learned in life.