This is so uninteresting. The dialogue so boring, and the characters are so stiff. There's nothing to think about with this story.

Leona chapter 1 . 8/11/2008

Well it's interesting, to say the least.

The general idea was fascinating, and very morbid. I liked it a lot... Guess you can say that, that says a lot about me, ne?

Strangely, I disagree with most of your other reviewers. I felt that your first version was a bit too vague, but I felt that your second one gave away too much.

For example, I loved how in the first one nobody is given a name, excpet for Leah. In the second one, you find out the pastor's name which I felt kind of ruined the effect.

Also, another example, is that in the first one I thought that if not read correctly the husband could be confused as the father. I like how you cleared that up in the second one with the bit on the priest visiting her.

Disturbing but brilliant. Why is she the way she is? Will you be going deeper into that? Why does her husband and everyone else treat her that way? I feel bad for her. I'm very curious to see what happens next. Please update soon.

wow, this was interesting & intense to say the least. It was great seeing the two versions, and although the second might've been more compact, I certainly liked it better. It's simpler, but it just scared the shit out of me.

I have to say, you aren't as good of a writer as everyone says you are. I'm getting really bored of these content-less pseudo-angsty stories. ...And the title is played out-not to mention, stupid.

it's late chapter 1 . 8/7/2008

So does Leah call her husband daddy because it's what her dad used to do to her and now her husband is just as horrible and abusing her in a way as well? I just read both and the second one kind of clicked that way for me. The writing in this is good. I don't know why the topic feels a little overdone for me, but I think I've just happened to read a lot of books about this lately (i.e. the lovely bones, the other book by the author of the kite runner and some others). I did like the last line if i'm right in thinking because it made it full circle. In my opinnion I think the second one gives you too much information though in a way. Also The first one gives you a little too much story, story. Both were thoughtful and interesting. I think the problem was I had trouble identifying with Leah. She's so scared and close minded other then the fact that you're rooting for her because she's pitted against such a life, her character didn't give me anything that really made me like her. Overall interesting idea and well executed though

Sorry I didn't comment earlier. If I'm being honest, I wasn't planning on reading this (I'm not a big fan of one-shots) but procrastination makes you do crazy things.

Anyway, I found both versions quite interesting but I have to say I like the original version better. Don't get me wrong, the revised one is good too... but I feel you give too much information the second time around. There is the whole bit about the pastor's guilt and the whole maid-paranoia (/actual competition for the husband? I feel like it was paranoia but maybe not?). Though it was interesting to find out her father was a religious man, everything else just takes away from her psychosis-what ever it is.

I also like the whole idea of the nameless lovers. There was a whole thing about the men's names in the first one: she never remembers their names, the husband and priest are left nameless... big kudos on that. But in the second, we find out the priest's name and none of that other stuff is there.

Those are just my thoughts. It would be interesting to see if her father raped her as well and if that also reflected into the relationship with her husband.

but i dont know if its me but i just dont really understand some of it..like did her real dad beat her and thats why she called her husband daddy at the end...and why does he call her pet..and she doesnt even seem to care...

dont get me wrong this is a very powerful story, it really makes you think that people would do stuff like that..