Scenes from a Drunk Commute

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

In case you've been living under a rock since Sunday night, the Giants won the Superbowl! Very exciting all around, especially if you are my father.

Not so exciting? Today is the ticker tape parade downtown. Translation: my commute this morning was hellish. Imagine those people below crammed on to an LIRR train car. Imagine that most of them are high school students. And imagine that most of them are drunk.

Drunk Girl One: Ugh, I kind of wish the other team had won
Drunk Girl Two: The Boston Patriots? Why?
Drunk Girl One: Because their quarterback is so much hotter than Eli Manning. Eli Manning is so ugly.
Drunk Girl Two: Giggle, giggle, giggle, giggleYou do not wish that the Patriots won, you dummy because then you would be in Calculus right now and not drunk on a train on the way to the city

Drunk Girl Three: Oh my god, my Mom tried to make me wear a scarf today and I was like "MOM! I DO NOT WANT TO WEAR A SCARF, OK?"That was a super great story, thank you for sharing

Drunk Girl Four (to Drunk Girl Five, who was holding and eating an entire bag of tortilla chips): Oh my god, whenever I am around those chips, I can't breatheDrunk Girl Five: Oh my god, why?
Drunk Girl Four: Ugh, I don't know...I can't breathe around Fritos, either
Drunk Girl Five shoves bag of chips into Drunk Girl Four's face. Drunk Girl Four screamsDrunk Girl Four, you either need to go to an allergist or a psychiatrist. Pronto.

Drunk Girl Four: Ugh, I think this cranberry juice is bad (note: the cranberry juice that I'm positive was a mixer for her vodka)
Drunk Girl Five: What do you mean?
Drunk Girl Four: Here, taste it
Drunk Girl Five: Its definitely bad. Just drink it really fast.I am immensely surprised that this didn't end badly (read: vomit on my shoes)