In Packer's Game, Players Are Puppets

Tim Keown

Published 4:00 am, Saturday, March 27, 1999

YOU KNOW Billy Packer's warming up right now. You know exactly what he's thinking as he prepares for the Final Four: Which coach -- which all- knowing, omniscient, call-the-good- timeout coach -- is going to single- handedly win a national championship for his team?

Billy's pretty sure it will be Coach K, and it's hard to argue. It's impossible to overestimate the job Coach K has done at Duke.

Take this year as a handy example. After all, who else could have managed to take 10 or 11 of the best and smartest high school players in the United States and turn them into the top-ranked college team in the land?

Remember: The players play 'em, but the coaches win 'em.

THIS WEEK'S LIST

-- On Tuesday, an agent will arrive at your door seeking answers to the following questions: 1) What is the difference between a good timeout and a bad timeout?; 2) At what stage of the game clock is it just too damned late to win a three-possession game?; 3) When is the precise, exact moment in which a team's experience "rises to the fore"?

-- Here at Reality Central, where our wishes are modest and our ambitions low, this is our idea of the perfect coach: The guy who, down by 13 with 35 seconds left, threatens to take away scholarships from any player who insists on fouling to stop the clock.

-- So now, left rudderless to navigate the cruel world, we wonder, where we will get our guidance? Where will we turn for fashion tips, financial advice or spiritual comfort? What will we tell the children?: Upset with the network's propensity for broadcasting Laker games, Karl Malone has announced that he will no longer speak to NBC.

-- OK, so here's how Duke can lose: Mateen Cleaves can use his unconventional style to get William Avery in foul trouble, but it has to be early.

-- Other than that: Cue the lovely and lyrical "One Shining Moment" and show us slo-mos of Coach K, in his traditional pose, ruminating on the sideline.

-- For all those wise guys who say Cal now has the right to say, "We're No. 65": Take into account the Alcorn States and Florida A&Ms and it's more like "We're No. 33."

-- One ludicrous part of the NBA that we seem to accept without the proper indignation: A rookie -- or a bad team, or a relatively unknown player -- has to earn the right to get the requisite number of foul calls.

-- Today's way, way-inside joke: The Phantom Voice-Mailer says CBS interviewed Jerry Lucas about his experiences in the Final Four with Ohio State in the early '60s, and Lucas said he couldn't remember a thing about them. -- Just for the heck of it: Travis Bice.

-- Philosophical question: If Mike Ditka gives away his entire team to get Ricky Williams, would Ricky Williams want to play for the team that remains?

-- In the interest of staying ahead of the pack: Mark McGwire, judging by his spring-training numbers, is on a pace to hit many, many home runs this season.

-- Quality apology from Gary Sheffield: "Kids are looking at me. I'm supposed to be a good example. That wasn't a good example."

-- And speaking of bad examples: Sheffield's spring average -- .095.

-- When tradition gets in the way of common sense: The NIT consolation game.

-- Don't know what's going to decide the games over the weekend, but here's a prediction: After all the talk, it'll have nothing to do with the point guards.

-- Again, it needs to be pointed out that the author receives no compensation for the following endorsement: Give Antawn Jamison 35 minutes a game.

-- One reason we have subjected you to ceaseless honking for Jamison: He might be unpredictable and he might be unconventional, but the production far exceeds the problems.

-- Irrefutable proof that it is possible to want something too much: Temple coach John Chaney, who nearly tore his own heart out on the sideline during his team's loss to Duke.

-- In New York they call it a light touch: In Thursday's New York Post, Fred Kerber wrote, "To say the Nets were lifeless last night would be an insult to corpses everywhere."

-- Good news for the Giants: A few well-meaning but misguided seamheads put together a computer program to determine the outcome of the '99 baseball season, and it said Dodgers all the way.

-- Orel Hershiser signed with the Mets, and the savvy Bay Area sports fan could have predicted the following: Speaking about playing in New York, Hershiser said, "People say it's the best city in the world."

-- So you, of course, know the rest: Orel will be vowing to live there for the rest of his life.

-- And, finally, there's one good thing you can say about "One Shining Moment": It isn't "Nobody Does it Better."