Cops visit Lindsay for two reasons in two days. Mariah Carey gains 57 lbs. Chace Crawford finds love in the time of volcanic eruption. Michelle Rodriguez's coming out party is saved. TGIFriday gossip roundup.

Lindsay Lohan has been named a suspect in the theft of a $35K Rolex and subjected to police interrogation. Apparently the friend lost the watch at LiLo's place, and now "photographic evidence" proves that she knew where it was this whole time. Maybe she wore it in public? Or it appeared on her weird Hoarders-like episode of Insider? Then again, that Insider episode also proves LiLo's home—and all fancy fashion items therein—to be beyond her control. [TMZ, image via Splash]

Meanwhile, in the wake of his Rashomon-like police-escorted visit to LiLo's house last night, Michael Lohan issued an ultimatum: Talk to Daddy, or he will slap a conservatorship on your ass. Lindsay Lohan: Hostage of paternity. [TMZ]

Luxuriating in the comfort of wedded bliss, Mariah Carey "has really let herself go" and gained 57 lbs. in two years. Now pushing 200 lbs., Mimi is being "coy about the whole pregnancy thing" because letting everyone think she's knocked up will be a great excuse for being so fat! If she really wants people to think she's preggers, she should stop getting drunk in public. [Enquirer via Celebitchy]

Tony-winning actor Brian Stokes Mitchell shamed a concert-goer whose phone rang while he was on stage: "If that's Obama, tell him I'm singing right now." I am plagued by fear that this will someday happen to me. [P6]

Love in the time of volcanic eruption: Stranded in London because a volcano with a name nobody can pronounce wouldn't stop erupting, Gossip Girl's Chace Crawford wooed British actress Tessa. Just like the time the fates of modern aviation (by which I mean, Gossip Girl writers) put a comely brunette by his side on a flight from Europe, and she was William F. Buckley's granddaughter, and they accidentally fell in love. (I always wondered: Was that episode weird for the actual Buckley family?) Anyway, my Google searches for this lady reveal nothing, suggesting she is either an "aspiring actress" or a porn one. [P6]

A "good-faith agreement" between the NYPD and a shut-down nightclub saved Michelle Rodriguez's coming out party. The Avatar actress deejayed lesbian magazine GO's Nightlife Awards, and since everyone already thinks Michelle is gay, the internet has collectively decided it's an admission of homosexuality. So the cops were like, "Ana from Lost is coming out? About damn time. Re-open this nightclub at once!" Or so one assumes. [P6]

"Grown into her body" is the new "embraced her curves," which was once the new "surprisingly happy, even though she is fat." Obviously, the person to test this phrase on is Jessica Simpson: "It took Jess a while, but she's finally grown into her body. She feels empowered to walk into a crowd and fell all eyes on her." That sentence makes no sense, but it doesn't really matter, you've got your new catchphrase, people. Start using it. [Celebitchy]

A Malibu rehab facility claims Johnson & Johnson heiress Casey Johnson died owing the $74,750. At the time of her death, Casey's entire estate was worth $75,000. [TMZ]

Remember how Hulk Hogan's kid was racing his dad's Toyota Supra, then crashed it and put his friend in a coma? Hulk doesn't want to pay the kid's medical bills, but is liable to, so he's suing Wells Fargo because it's their fault for not telling him he needed better insurance in case his asinine kid drag-raced his car on a residential road and almost killed his friend. [NYDN]

Christian Ricci owes $179,500 in back taxes. This is a pretty big hit, since Christina doesn't work too much anymore. [TMZ]