Maji de Watashi ni Koi Shinasai! 9

“You said you wouldn’t beat me to death if I died!”

It was but another habitual after-noon, and I, having recently returned from my daily dinosaur-hunting excursions, sat up in front of my calculator to peruse the Internetwork. An acquaintance of mine, Mr. C. Testa, lately discovered an intriguing phenomenon. The Internetwork is able to display moving pictures (‘movpics’, or so they are called) on my calculator. Being a man of innovation, currency, and style, I reached the program ‘Your Tube’, to receive quite a shock.

As you may recall, I have constructed a previous article about Goggle Internetwork Finder’s various shocks (to my great surprise, the cacophony subsequently subsided once All Hallow’s Eve was concluded). However, I ascertained that the All Hallow’s Eve problem was accidental due to a consequential fix.

This shock was purposeful, a deliberate transgression upon my poor own self. Your Tube was completely different – it was now not Your Tube, it was My Tube, or even worse – Their Tube! We must recall Goggle’s pure iniquity, creating blatantly tasteless changes in Goggle Feed-Reader, lasting for several centuries before reverting one of the changes.

We do not want change! We do not wish for change! If Goggle (who owns Your Tube) refuses to acknowledge our presence, we will switch to other movpic viewers! We will use For-shared and Hooloop! We do not need Your Tube! If your change You Tube, You your Tube change you to better your Tubing You Your Tub changes you!

That is all.

Nevertheless, ’twas not all.

Goggle Internetwork Finder allows me the convenience of viewing multiple movpics simultaneously, through a system known as ‘dividers’ (or ‘bats’, as the youngsters call them). Your Tube does not allow me to view a movpic in a new divider! Whenever I wish to simultaneously view a humourous canine drooling and a charming feline ejecting balls of hair from its stomach, I must first view the canine movpic, commit the ‘Your L’ to a Pos-tit Note, view the home page of Your Tube once more, then view the feline movpic, commit that ‘Your L’ to a Pos-tit Note, and finally, view both movpics simultaneously by entering the ‘Your Ls’ simultaneously in two separate dividers.

Additionally, I neither have Goggle- nor FactBook. The truth is, both Goggle- and FartBook are useless to me. I do not wish to share Facts about my Farts, and none of my friends are ‘on’ Goggle-, except for Mr. Testa, whom I secretly despise. Furthermore, I do not wish to view what is ‘popular’ or ‘chick’; every movpic that I watch is a movpic uploaded by a resident of Your Tube whom I have super-scribed.

Before I proceed to the conclusion, allow yourselves some amusement. Goggle has acknowledged the presence of Eastern Projection, with a combined movpic ‘database’ including an original summary of the series. You may snicker.

Let us bring this article full circle. I blame everything on Mr. Testa for informing me of that movpic on Your Tube. My miss-all launcher is readied and fully ‘saved’ – let us hope that he shall never again see the light of day.

End Note: The miss-all missed. Surprising.

P.S. How does Majikoi blend lame cartoon fanservice and impossible sexual misunderstandings with intense philosophical politics and explosion-based battle animation? We may never know.

P.P.S. This Saki girl CONTROLS TRAFFIC by making TRUCKS APPEAR OUT OF NOWHERE. I mean, even if your eyes and ears are implanted 1) your brain can’t process that much information 2) You can’t switch traffic lights on and off 3) You can’t make trucks appear out of nowhere