The Malaysian Education Ministry has outdone itself in wisdom and concern to protect the young, nubile minds in Malaysia. It has endorsed guidelines to let parents know if their children are not going to grow up straight.

The come in the form of four symptoms that parents should be on the lookout for as their children grow into adults.

V Neck? Check. Sleeveless? Check. Buffed? Check. He’s probably gay

Those who have muscular sons who like to wear V neck, sleeveless shirts should be getting worried, according to the guidelines because their son would have one of the symptoms of being – horror of horrors – gay!

What they have not said in the guidelines if they should be banned from watching the Rambo movies because, well, Sylvester Stallone is buffed and he wears tight, V neck and sleeveless T shirts when he’s toting an RPG (no doubt a phallic symbol indicating that he may have deviant tendencies of explosive proportions).

For this public service to homophobic parents the Malaysian Education Ministry earn’s Unspun’s coveted shit-for-brains tag.

The Education Ministry had endorsed “guidelines” to help parents to identify gay and lesbian “symptoms” in their children so they can take early corrective measurements.

The guidelines list four symptoms each of gays and lesbians:

Symptoms of gays:

Have a muscular body and like to show their body by wearing V-neck and sleeveless clothes;

Prefer tight and light-coloured clothes;

Attracted to men; and

Like to bring big handbags, similar to those used by women, when hanging out.

Symptoms of lesbians:

Attracted to women;

Besides their female companions, they will distance themselves from other women;

Like to hang out, have meals and sleep in the company of women; and

Have no affection for men.

“Once the children have these symptoms, immediate attention should be given,” the guidelines warn.

According to Sin Chew Daily, the guidelines published by Yayasan Guru Malaysia Bhd and Putrajaya Consultative Council of Parents and Teachers Associations, and endorsed by the Education Ministry, were launched during a seminar in Penang yesterday.

The seminar on “Parenting in addressing the issue of LGBTs (lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgenders)” was organised by Yayasan Guru Malaysia Bhd and officiated by Deputy Education Minister Mohd Puad Zarkashi (right).

Penang is the fourth state to hold such a seminar, after Selangor, the Federal Territory of Kuala Lumpur and Perak, and yesterday’s seminar in Penang was the 10th in the country.

Puad is quoted by Sinar Harian today as saying that the exposure of symptoms of gays and lesbians was the best approach to address the spread of such unhealthy phenomenon among students.

“Youths are easily influenced by websites and blogs relating to LGBT groups. This can also spread among their friends. We are worried that this happens during schooling time,” Puad told some 1,500 teachers and parents.

The guidelines were distributed to all those who attended the seminar.