Dr. De Mars blog on having achieved success in business, sports and academics without ever actually having grown up. Also includes random thoughts on judo, parenting,mixed martial arts, winning & whatever I feel like rambling on about today.

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Advice on Life #2 (and # 3)

Many people can't let go of the past because they feel
that there should be JUSTICE, DAMN IT! This almost always boils down to
them wanting someone else to be different in some way.

"Advice # 2: Don't let your happiness be determined by other people."

They
want their dad who was an alcoholic, their spouse who filed for
divorce, the parent who left - to pay, to feel just as bad, it's only
FAIR!

It reminds me of a line from Labyrinth, where the girl says

"That's not fair!"

and the Goblin King answers,

"You say that so often, I wonder what your basis for comparison is?"

To take another line from Labyrinth, how she defeats the Goblin King at the end is to tell him,

"You have no power over me!"

As
long as you continue to be concerned whether someone feels sorry for
what they did, misses you, comes crawling back or whatever you think it
would take, you're giving people from your past power over your present.

Am
I suggesting that you just "let them get away with it"? After you've
filed charges, filed for divorce, moved to Canada or whatever to dispose
of the situation, I am suggesting you move on with the confidence that
they already aren't getting away with it. As my friend, Serge, pointed
out,

Those people already have the worst punishment that there is - they
have to wake up in the morning and be them.

There are
some people in life who have treated me pretty badly, and if tomorrow
morning, I woke up as one of them instead of me, you could hear me
screaming all the way to New Jersey (which is not in Canada, FYI),

"NO-O-O-O !"

If you don't feel that way, then it's time for you to change your life. I have always strongly felt

"Advice # 3: Success is the best revenge."

It
will probably grate on the people who openly or secretly wish you ill
that you are having a great life. They'll wish they hadn't been such
jerks to you back in the day so you would hang out with them now. Even
if they don't think about you at all, you're still having a great life.
There is no downside to this strategy.

3 comments:

I couldn't agree with you more. Hanging on to hurt, anger and disappointment is like hanging on to junk you don't need. It may seem like it doesn't cost you anything and it may seem like it doesn't take up much space in your brain, but you'll notice how much roomier your life is the moment you let go of it.

Best piece of advice ever. It goes along with my mantra, which is "YOU are the only person who can make YOU happy". Even when something goes wrong and the fault isn't yours, and you can't change what happened, and somebody else is to blame...you still have the power to react to that situation. You can decide if it's going to make you miserable or stronger.

Hope my English was ok,thank you for writing this blog. I love it.Marta

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About Me

One world championships, a million dollars in contracts, four degrees, four children - and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Author: Winning on the Ground - available from Amazon & Black Belt now. In stores this fall.