Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Super Size It?

This is an inspiring tale of four young men who took on a dangerous project, with the odds stacked high against them.

Their mission?

"...these young people had wanted to craft a joint of 1.12 metres to beat the world record in the discipline and get it officially registered," said a police officer in eastern France."

I like how, in an effort to make all this sound dignified and serious, the French police used words like "craft" and "discipline". Almost makes it sound like those kids were trying to make a life-size replica of the Notre Dame out of ear wax.

While I laud these youngsters' attempt at immortality via the Giant Roach Path, my heart sank when I read this line:

"..police discovered the giant joint containing 70 grams of marijuana resin. It had not been finished because of a lack of tobacco."

I think I know exactly how this went down. The kids must have started rolling the Big One after smoking a few, discovered they were out of tobacco, each of them must have looked at the other person to "go get it from the shop across the street", a passive (but disjointed) argument must have broken out with everyone wondering "how come it was their turn every single time" and then tobacco must have been forgotten when one of them started to play a reggae mixtape.

I: No thanks, I've got a call to make. [Danny starts pulling out rizzlers at a prolific rate]

Withnail: What are you going to do with those?

D: The joint I am about to roll requires a craftsman and can utilise up to twelve spliffs. It is called a Camberwell carrot.

I: It's imposible to use 12 papers on one joint.

D: It is impossible to roll a camberwell carrot with anything less.

Withnail: Who says it's a Camberwell carrot.

D: I do. I invented it in Camberwell and it's shaped like a carrot.

[Cut to Danny on the settee. The Camberwell carrot is complete and is indeed of prodigiuos proportions. As Danny lights it we see only the end but as he hands it to Withnail we see the true size. It is enormous.]

D: These will tend to make you very high.

[Withnail takes a long draw]

D: This grass is the most powerfull in the western hemisphere. It grows at exactly two thousand feet above sea-level. I have it special flown in from my man in Mexico. His name's Huang. He's an expert.