God’s richest children, however, are stressing out about Pope Francis’s recent anti-capitalist exhortation. Home Depot magnate Ken Langone told New York’s Cardinal Dolan that Hipster Pope’s rando shit-talking “is one more hurdle I hope we don’t have to deal with. You want to be careful about generalities. Rich people in one country don’t act the same as rich people in another country.” Langone then told CNBC that a certain would-be donor—and he would not name names, nor hint whether the name he would not name rhymes with “Ben Fangtone”—is so feelings-y about the Pope that this person is hesitant about funding the restoration of St. Patrick’s Cathedral, in New York.

If Hipster Pope weren’t so chill, he’d point out that, like, hello, this is exactly why capitalism is so fuckin’ flawed, man! One dude has so many millions of dollars that it’s basically his decision whether to maintain a place of worship? No offense, but, like, that’s crazy. The Pope is that chill, though, so he will not point this out. Besides, he’s having a few people over tonight for New Year’s and he has to get started on a playlist. At midnight: Beach House or Haim? Beach House, right? Amen!