Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Wade Keller: Aging Queen

Dear Wade,

Hey bro. First off congrats on the kid and the whole coming out thing. Good on ya, man. Now, to business. I have watched on from a distance for the last several years as you have continued to slip further and further into irrelevancy. Your website looks as if it were put together by a couple of 18 year old ITT-Technical Institute students. Your stable of contributors has devolved into a list of dudes who are more than likely registered sex offenders. Do you still do a news letter? How's that working out for you? Is Pat McNeil as big of a douche in real life as he is on the internet? What about Caldwell? Anywho, look bro, we're in a recession. Things in the formerly lucrative grapz n00z world (lol) can't be going as great as they used to. You lived high on the hog for the last decade, but the boom days are done, son. Have you ever thought about life post-internet reporting/copying Dave? You have a child now, homie. You have a responsibility. Do you have a day job? Lemme guess, Orange Julius? Kinkos? You really ought to start thinking about the future.

If I may be so bold, allow me to make a suggestion: Vegan cooking show. It's money and you know it. You can even have your significant other join you! You can do a sort of Tim Taylor/Al Borland dynamic, only you guys are in love and have silly little disputes on air. I stand to gain zilch by offering you this advise. You have everything to gain. Think about it, dude. Think about it.

6 comments:

it figures that wade keller is a homosexaul. the loser always acts like a self-righteous , egotistical, effeminate prick in his columns. wade spent his teenage years drooling over naked men in spandexvince mcmahon would never hire this fag to work in wwe.

he is a disgrace and so is his fag boyfriend for having the gall to parade abound in public with a baby and act "proud" to be "fathers". homosexuality is a sin.

this fag loves to bash triple h. now i know why he bashes triple h; it is because hhh is something wade faggot 4 life keller will never be: A REAL MAN.

wade keller is a lying con artist. WADE CAN'T GET A REAL JOB SO HE "COVERS" STUPID PRO WRESTLING; GROWN MEN AND WOMEN "PLAY FIGHTING" IN THEIR UNDER WEAR ON TV. WADE IS A FUCKING CREEP WHO BASHES GOOD PEOPLE LIKE THE MCMAHONS AND TRIPLE H WHILE HE LEECHES ON THEIR REAL LIFE SUCCESSES. THE MCMAHONS USE THE PW TORCH NEWSLETTER TO PICK UP THEIR DOGS' FECES BECAUSE THAT IS THE ONLY GOOD USE FOR IT.

CONTACT:

If you have any comments, questions, feedback, complaints, hot tips, etc., please feel free to e-mail us at: 6.3.94.mailslot@gmail.com

6-3-94 Manifesto

In the days of ancient Rome men tried to best each other physically by imposing their will on one other. Sometimes this lead to the death of one of the competitors. Sometimes it lead to a friendship or brotherhood bond being formed. More often than not it ended with the two dudes fucking the shit out of each other. Faggotry and wrestling have long had a mutually parasitic relationship. Where faggotry is afoot wrestling cannot be far behind. Where there is wrestling you can rest assured that faggotry is nearby, jerking off furiously. This is the way it has always been and the way it shall always be. Though men have tried to change this dynamic throughout the ages they have all failed. Spandex, pyrotechnics, midgets, fake tits and sports entertainment cannot mask the overwhelming scent of gay that always accompanies wrestling. You can always be certain of these three things: The sun always rises in the morning, politicians always lie and wrestling will always be gay as fuck. We are merely observers; scribes charged with the duty of recording, analyzing and mocking this faggotry. These are our words.