Friday, February 19, 2010

Let Mossad Air take you there.

Tired of boring old package holidays to Tenerife and Marbella? Fed up sitting around at airports waiting for the next cancelled flight? Had enough of brutal customer relations from low cost carriers? Now, for the first time in Britain, a totally new way to travel and see the world, and all from the safety and comfort of your living room: Mossad Air.

Yes, Let Mossad Air take you there. Go on fabulous adventures in exotic locations. Connect with a whole new social network of anonymous helpers who can give you money, safe houses, cars and new identities. Liquidate suspected terrorists with the a bewildering array of lethal weapons. Learn all about how to poison people and set booby trap bombs in car head restraints. (NB: No animals will be harmed in any of these operations) Perhaps meet the girl of your dreams. And the beauty of it is this: with Mossad Air you don’t even have to get our of your armchair.

All you have to do is send your British passport, a copy of your birth certificate and a few details about your financial circumstances and let Mossad Air do the rest. In fact, don’t even bother to do that, because Mossad Air already has them. Soon you’ll be featuring on CCTV screens in some of the world’s finest hotels, waving happily at the camera, having a whale of a time. Getting involved in exciting arms deals and hunting down bad people.

“Electrifying!”, said Mahmud al-Mabouh, “I went to meet my Hamas colleagues in Dubai, and I ended up meeting my maker thanks to Mossad Air”. “I never knew who I was, ‘till I discovered Mossad.Air. Or was rather they found me.” said Mrs X of Berkhampstead. “Mossad. Air left a really sweet taste in my mouth” says Yasser Arafat (deceased).

So remember. Next time you want to go, go Mossad Air - the holiday company where people come first and body bags come later. You don’t know you’ve travelled until you’ve travelled with us.

(Important: terms and conditions. Assassination of any individual living or dead is entirely coincidental. Mossad Air accepts no responsibility for injuries that might occur as a result of reprisals. The British Government does not support Mossad Air and takes a jolly dim view on this kind of caper, quite frankly, but has agreed to turn a blind eye to any violations of UK sovereign rights because the Israelis are pretty decent chaps on the whole. All actions denied. All rights Reserved. No refunds. )

About Me

Iain Macwhirter is the award-winning political columnist for the Herald and Sunday Herald. He has been a political broadcaster for over 20 years, in Westminster and Holyrood, and is former Rector of Edinburgh University.