So Jodie Foster finally admitted that she’s gay (though she never actually said the word) at the Golden Globes, and of course her worst nightmare — a bazillion pieces like this one, dissecting her private life and proselytizing about her bizarre speech — is coming true. Well, too f***ing bad, Jodie! There wouldn’t be any pieces written about it now if you’d just been brave enough to come out a long time ago, like the rest of us.

It is Jodie’s right to be private. She does not owe the gay or straight community a reason for her actions or how she chooses to discuss her sexuality. She did it her way, in a manner she is comfortable with. It’s her business. After all, in this political climate the mischaracterization of homosexuality impacts differently.

Nobody was asking Jodie to be president of the gays. Ellen is a great example of someone who came out, had no interest in being the poster child and is just living her life honestly and openly. Though she occasionally fights publicly for LGBT causes, being a lesbian doesn’t define her. But here’s the amazing thing that happened to Ellen. At first her big announcement seemed to derail her career. She disappeared for a while and almost gave up on show business because she was “mired in depression.” After some dark days, which a lot of newly out people experience, Ellen ultimately was rewarded for being her true self.

But the fact is, Baer’s criticism is asking Jodie to do just that. She wants her to use her prominent position to come out. Is this a request being made of politicians, of the millions who work in corporate America or elsewhere? Every person’s situation is distinct and every person has the right, based on their circumstances, to deal with it accordingly.

Jodie Foster should be commended for coming out in her own way, on such a large stage. A revered actress like her is a net positive, proving that, for those who are not aware, a book cannot be judged by its cover. The next person you talk to, that person you like for just being who they are, they just may be gay.