Browsed byMonth: July 2017

The Art of Disclosing Online

Social media has added another layer of complexity to self-disclosure. Many cancer patients and caregivers seek support online. Others use email, texting, and social media channels like Twitter and Facebook as tools to keep large numbers of people informed about their progress. However, navigating these environments can be tricky and not always as emotionally supportive as it seems.

At age 29, Caitlyn Green considered her life to be perfect. She had strong family ties, a large circle of friends, was almost seven months pregnant, and had just received a job promotion. Then she felt a lump in her breast. It had better not be cancer she remembered her husband saying, half joking. But it was.

The radiologist casually dropped the news while Caitlyn was alone in the ultrasound room. Devastated, Caitlyn asked for her husband but was told he had to stay in the waiting room. In the past, that might have been the end of the conversation. Not anymore. Caitlyn texted her husband: “Come back here now!”

Like many people today, Caitlyn has spoken about her cancer face-to-face and online. She has used texts and her blog to inform her large circle of friends, family, and coworkers about her diagnosis, chemotherapy, the loss of her hair, the birth of her daughter, her double mastectomy, and her radiation treatment. Talking about cancer online can connect people in similar situations and help them share information. It can raise public awareness and reduce stigmas associated with certain cancers and treatment. It can help people feel like they aren’t alone. Through strong online social networks, individuals can hear words of encouragement during tough times, something Caitlyn has experienced.

Katrine Bellamy has also seen the benefits of online communication. After her son was diagnosed with cancer, Katrine started a blog to share her feelings and received positive feedback from readers. “I was pretty blunt about how I was feeling. I couldn’t say these things to people, but I could write about them.” …

The Pearls and Perils of Self-Disclosure

*Names have been changed to protect privacy.*

To self-disclose is to reveal something private about yourself. Disclosing information can help individuals feel understood and accepted, but can also be hurtful if the person listening is critical, minimizes, or magnifies what is said or withdraws.

Individuals typically weigh the risks and benefits before sharing intimate details about themselves to others. What you choose to say will probably be based on how comfortable you are disclosing information, the person with whom you’re talking, and the immediate situation. Some people have nothing to share, although others may expect an outpouring of emotion or personal details. Tim Hayes said he didn’t avoid talking about his testicular cancer, but other than updates about doctor appointments or treatment, he didn’t have much to say. “I didn’t think it was very interesting when you got past the update. What else are you going to talk about?” He also didn’t talk about end-of-life issues. He believed he would survive.

The Risks of Self-Disclosure

Texas resident Michelle Rasmussen knows the risks of self-disclosure. Her father’s diagnosis of terminal liver cancer came out of nowhere during a difficult time in Michelle’s life. Frequent battles with her soon-to-be ex-husband over money and property had drained her energy and time. She became the primary caregiver for her father and her mother, who had recently suffered numerous health issues and needed considerable care. Her friends said she had written a country and western song because of the many problems in her life, but they also said she was tough and would get through this difficult period. However, they didn’t see Michelle crying alone at night, pushing aside meal after meal, wondering when she was going to snap. When she asked her sister for help, her sister told her she had her hands full taking care of her children. …

Revealing, Relating and Risk-taking to Improve Communication

*Names have been changed to protect privacy.*

Jeannette Patterson likes to talk. She’ll talk to the person standing in front of her at the checkout line just as easily as she would talk to her doctor. From corns to cancer to her granddaughter’s most recent accomplishments, Jeannette will share details about her life that other people would never disclose. Her husband Carl, for example, would never talk about these things publicly. You won’t find him talking about personal or emotional issues with family members either. If pushed, he’ll write a note. However, after his wife was diagnosed with colon cancer, Carl and his wife talked.

They talked about her medications and doctor’s visits. However, conversations about emotions were not so easy. She didn’t want to upset him, but he kept seeing her cry. He cried when she wasn’t looking.

Then, there were the accidents after part of her large intestine was removed in surgery. Without warning, she’d defecate on herself. Eventually, she got over the embarrassment of this happening in front of her husband. Carl reminded her to take care when eating and pack extra clothes and towels before going out. But for three years, her body repeatedly betrayed her in public, drawing people’s attention. She “rolled with the punches” and started talking.

“I needed to talk about it, to spread information and convince people to get colonoscopies in case this happened to them,” Jeannette said.

The Patterson family story illustrates the reality of talking about cancer. Some people want to talk about it. Others do not. Sometimes you can plan for conversations. Other times the conversation comes to you, ready or not. Talking about your thoughts and feelings with a partner or close friend is considered an important part of intimate relationships and can make you feel better. This article provides insights to help those who have been touched by cancer understand why some people share and others withdraw. It also offers guidance to help facilitate conversations about cancer. …