February 16, 2013

The Path Untaken

“”So I don’t think I’ll do it. I’m not going ahead with it. I guess one day I may regret it, but, you know, I’m scared.”

“It doesn’t feel quite right?”

“No. It’s not like I’m sure it won’t work out. I mean it could. I could be missing an opportunity. I know that. But I’m afraid it will become too complicated, it won’t be what I expected, or it could just go wrong, simply. Then how would I get myself out of what could be a huge mess?”

“You think it sounds too good to be true? In theory, if all went well…”

“That’s exactly it. Everything, A, B and C, et cetera, would all have to work out, for it to happen, for it to be successful, for it to be a truly good idea for me to do! I don’t have that confidence. And anyway, it’s not a big deal if I don’t do it.”

“Well, you’re right. It’s always more complicated than you think at first. One thing leads to another. If you get into a mess, it’s not always easy to get out of it. This could be the right move.”

“The right non-move! A correct decision not to act. The right omission even.”

“Nobody would blame you. There will be other choices. You have options.”

“Right. Case closed. But I will wonder what would have happened. Do you know what I mean? It’s like there are these huge potentials that exist, these possibilities, at certain moments. Not all the time but every once in a while. And it could really go, like, either way, or one of three ways maybe. It’s completely real that any one of these possibilities that you’re actually thinking of could happen. You can sort of feel it, if you know what I mean.”

“That’s intense. But yeah, I know what you mean. I think it’s only been like that, or seemed like that, a few times in my life. It’s not easy, I know. The flip side is that sometimes it seems you have no real choice how your life goes. I guess it’s because you try to stay on an even keel.”

“That’s because you’re scared, like me.”

“Well, I think as you get older you’re more aware of how things work, you know, risk…”

“Right! Better risk assessment! Better at gauging the process.”

“Something like that. What I thought as a teenager wasn’t quite accurate. In some ways, I was kind of overly pessimistic, but you know it didn’t turn out that bad. Which is a relief!”

“I don’t think fate has finished dealing its hand yet. I get this overriding sense that because things were such a way in the beginning, and like nobody knew what was going on, everything was happening so fast, certain things had to happen and there was no control. But as we get older and wiser, we get more control.”