I had my first adult spanking the other night at the age of 27. I feel like it was a long time coming, because it was hard to find a partner I trusted. I do not wish to have sex with a spanking partner, and most of the potential ones I ran across expected that. Of the ones who didn't, many were married men whose wives were not comfortable with spanking. I didn't want to intrude on a marriage in that way, so I steered clear.

The person who gave me my first is someone I contacted after reading his personals ad. We talked for a good long while, and I was confident that he was willing to respect the fact that I didn't want sex.

We met up, and then since we seemed to "click" in our spanking wants, I went to his house the other night. (Don't worry, I had a safe call.)

It was really awkward at first. Neither of us knew what to do or how to start. Eventually, I just went and stood in the corner and he came to me and started spanking. He apanked me standing up, leaning over the coffee table, leaning over with my hands on the back of the couch and OTK. His favorite position seemed to be to have me kneel on the couch with my arms on the back and then arch my back and "present" my bottom. Mostly, he just used his hand, but he also used a kitchen spatula which gave a good sting!

He apanked over my skirt, over my panties and on the bare, but I discovered I was very uncomfortable with my panties down. So I pulled them up and bunched them between my cheeks so I was still bare, but covered in the front.

It felt awkward because he was very aroused, and when he stood behind me to spank me, I could feel his erection pressing against my hip or my bum. At one point, he started to rub against me. I asked him not to and he apologized and stopped, but then I felt like I was teasing. There I was, skirt up, panties bunched up between my cheeks, presenting my bottom for a spanking but no, no, no, nothing sexual. It felt unfair to be tempting someone to something I didn't want to let them do. I told him this later and thanked him for being a safe person and respecting my boundaries.

I enjoyed the spanking, but I think I would have enjoyed it more without the obvious sexual overtone which made me feel like such a tease.

I've been married to my wonderful wife for 20 years now and she has just recently agreed to spank me so I don't have to find someone else to do it but at first it was still awkward but I can assure you it does get better with practice. I hope it works out for you.Nothing says "I love you" like a warm bottom

I met my husband 4 years ago online. In his profile he stated he was lookin for a lady who enjoyed otk.at that time I had never heard of that I asked him what that meant and he told me and asked if i enjoyed that I told him that I had never tried it, since than the subject has never come up again. I know that he watches porn with spanking and it turns him on lately I have been reading up on the subject and want to try it my question is how do I tell him I want him to put me over his knee and spank my bottom ?

I will tell you how I did it. I showed my exhusband Spanking Tube (spankingtube.com) and told him which videos were my favorits. I then bent over and told him to spank me and xxxx me. I am now seeing/dating/sleeping with him. Working out amazing. Good luck! He loves spanking and I love spanking.

Coco bottom: If you know your husband enjoys spanking porn, and it's been established that he wants to spank OTK, it shouldn't be an awkward subject. Why not just tell him? He's hardly going to be outraged. Maybe he's waiting for you to ask.

Men are taught not to hit women, and some men have difficulty reconciling this with their desires for consensual spanking. Maybe this is why he hasn't spanked you. You might do well in raising the subject, assuring him that you indeed like it and you are not accusing him of being a wife beater. Does that make sense?

I'm glad things worked out well for you wideawake, but this is a good example on why the details of sexuality need to be discussed in advance. Then there are no surprises or awkwardness. Queen of Innocence

Wow....this was a while ago, wasn't it? Way back last May....I wouldn't have thought! Looks like the thread got bumped back up today...

Fanny, thanks for your concern. At the time this spanking happened, we had discussed this issue beforehand and I had been quite clear that I was interested in spanking only. The spanker had agreed repeatedly that this would be a spanking only...no sex or sexual play, but once we got going, it was quite clear that he wanted sex and wished I would change my mind about it.

When we talked after the fact, we agreed that it would not be a good idea for us to meet again since we were clearly at cross-purposes about the role of sex in spanking. He`d said previously that he`d only ever engaged in spanking play with women he was dating, and then it had a sexual component, but he thought he could enjoy it without that. I guess he found out differently from our encounter.

I`ve definitely had better spankings since, where the sexuality piece has not been such an issue, but I`ve always been clear from the outset that I am not interested in sex.

Maybe there are men who would not find this a problem. But my guess is that most men would at least try to change your mind, however good naturedly. It is stimulating to spank someone, that's why we do it.

May I suggest a compromise? Maybe you could suggest this: "I'll let you spank me, but I do not want to have sex with you. That is non-negotiable. However, I realize you will want a release at this point, so if you want to sit several feet away from me and masturbate, while I watch, that would be acceptable. You can come into a towel or whatever. But absolutely no contact with me at this stage, or the session ends at once." Or maybe you needn't watch but just be present, maybe lying face down on the bed bare-bottomed.

I think a lot of guys, given the choice of no meeting at all or a meeting on these terms, would opt for the latter. It might not be what you want, but you might end up getting spanked more often if you suggest this arrangement than if it's "you spank, you leave, period".

Arguably. But an adult spanking another adult's bare butt is not exactly devoid of sexuality, whatever the context. People may and will argue with this. But I doubt that one couple in 1,000 could attain a purely disciplinary mindset while engaging in spanking.

Even if the woman says she wants "no sex" and means it, the guy is in all probability going to be turned on to some extent---which means sex is in the picture.

Warmpalm....I've considered similar before, but have never actually made that offer. In the end, I agree with what Fred said. That's still sex, but in a different form.

What even something like this boils down to is "I'm turned on and now you're responsible for doing something about it." I've never been one to sit still for that logic. Is spanking a turn on? Yes, for me, as well as most spankos I am sure. I never did and never would make the claim that spanking play is devoid of sexuality, 'cause it isn't.

Yeah, it's a definite turn on, but I don't see how that puts any responsibility on one spanking partner to facilitate the other's release.

If you (generic you) know that spanking turns you on and that you are going to want release after the spanking and your spanking partner has stated they don't want sex, you know what's what going in, and you have a choice. You can either choose not to engage in spanking play with that person, or you can choose to do so and then excuse yourself to another room afterward and take matters into your own hand.

Quite frankly, I'd rather be spanked infrequently by someone who can accept "no sex" outright than frequently by someone who is going to expect something "extra" afterward.

I agree with you totally, verywideawke. A mature spanker understands that no sex is NO SEX. I will not allow anyone to spank me who insists on me being present if he needs to relieve himself. This is the time to take it "home" to someone he is sexual with or deal with it himself ALONE. Intimacy only comes into the picture, if it is wanted by both parties. Queen of Innocence

Fred, to your question, it depends on what you mean by intimacy. If you mean sexual contact then for me, it currently doesn't, and it won't unless and until I find myself in a strong, trusting romantic relationship which also includes spanking.

If by intimacy you mean the closeness that comes from being *comfortably* able to make yourself physically and emotionally vulnerable to someone, then that should characterize any good spanking relationship.

As for insinuating generalizations....I could counter with my observation of the insinuation that a spankee should "give a little" on the "no sex" stipulation for the sake of the spanker. I call BS on that one.

If you deliberately engage in an activity that you *know* is probably or definitely going to turn you on, the responsibility for the fact that you wind up turned on is YOURS, full stop. Why is it up to anyone else to justify not doing things that they were clear about not doing just because *you* (predictably) ended up turned on?

Well... I too had my first adult spanking just recently. It began awkwardly, but once my pants slid down over my hips I felt a little better. I laid over his lap and he pulled my panties down. He spanked my bare bottom with his hand for some time. At first, I was embarrassed by the noise but soon my concerns disappeared. I don't know how long he spanked me for, but there was a handy mirror that I could peak back over my shoulder and see the progress on my deeply blushing bottom. Then he used his belt on me; I was able to say "harder." It was great, and there was no concern about sex being expected. We discussed that beforehand and stated each of our ideas and safeword. So yay!

Congratulations, Winggoddess! I'm so glad you were able to tell him to go harder with the belt. That's a very good sign!

Back when I was "in the scene" in Chicago, I was in many a situation where there was spanking/discipline/whatever with no sex. Sometimes I was brought to orgasm, but very rarely did my Dom ask for anything in return. Now, those men were people I played with and were not dating. The men I dated of course expected sex after spanking, and my husband now does, except if it's a maintenance spanking.

This topic is a few months old, but I agree with Fanny that "A mature spanker understands that no sex is NO SEX." No generalizations there. If I told someone there would be no sex, he agreed, then he made a move on me, he would be going back on his agreement. In my eyes, that's a slippery slope to rape, which is highly immature.

I've been there far too often. Not necessarily such a cut-and-dried "There will be no sex" "Oh, yes, there will be", but my submissive nature encouraged far too many to take advantage of me when I really didn't want it.

I'm glad you girls are being outspoken. Stick to it! And also speak up if things are getting too hard, and if the safeword doesn't work, get out. I've been there far too many times, too, and I get scared too easily now, even with my husband. Keep it on YOUR terms.

Hope you all don't mind me answering this question. I have lots of experience with this and many opinions. :D

Fred, I believe in this context "sex" would include regular intercourse, oral, anal, or even touching of or looking at intimate areas (not including rubbing a bottom). It would not necessarily be a discrete event.

For ease of understanding I'm going to refer to the spankee as female and the spanker as male, but the same concept is valid with either sex in either position. And what I'm going to talk about below is assuming she says she doesn't want sex and the man agrees.

If a woman is looking for a disciplinary spanking or even just a fun spanking, that's all she wants. She may need to work through some guilt or she needs a stress relief or a hundred other reasons. If she says she doesn't want sex, she wants to keep the experience to just spanking.

If the man spanking her rubs her bottom before and during spanking to increase her anticipation or afterward to calm her down, that's fine.

However: - If his hand starts going between her legs, that's a no-no. - If he rubs his erection against her (as Verywideawake1 mentioned in the first post of this thread), that's definitely out. - Touching the woman's breasts... not acceptable. - Ordering the woman to strip completely naked - possibly okay depending on the level of trust and the purpose. I've been punished completely naked before with no sexual overtones. It was used to put me in the punishment mindset and to make me feel vulnerable. If the spanker then looks longingly at her nakedness or orders her to cup her breasts, play with her nipples, show her pussy, play with her pussy, bend over and show her anus.... other things like that, then that's a definite no, even if the man does not touch her. - Talking about sexual scenarios is also out. - Oh - and him masturbating himself while she's in the room (as was mentioned in previous posts) is also a no-no if not agreed upon ahead of time.

Basically, anything that moves the experience from spanking or discipline into a sexual arena is not acceptable if the spankee says she does not want sex or sexual play.

It is possible that she may want to keep the discipline session non-sexual then have sex after. That would have to be part of the negotiations.

But if she says no sex, then the spanker needs to keep everything above board and his mindset as "she's a naughty girl who needs her bottom warmed" and that is IT. She will let you know if she changes her mind.

In my experience, relationships with a non-sexual spanking partner are usually just spanking related. Meet, chat a bit, do the discipline, then part ways until the next time. There's likely some level of friendship, but I wouldn't expect anything too extensive like going out to the movies or shopping.

As for finding such a person, there are many, many places online where you can look for someone. Not here, though. I've seen a recommendation to go to SpankSeek.com. I'm no longer looking, so I can't give any further advice than that.

Now I understand. The internet, of course, that is how to get at impersonal spanking sessions. I had the image of you on a bar stool leaning over to the gentleman on your right and asking if he wouldn't mind spanking you, and you spell out the conditions listed in your earlier post: no touching except to rub the bottom briefly, a little before and some more after.

My own experiences started long before the internet and spankings came about only after having developed confidence through a sexual relationship. Even then, I missed a number of subtle hints. Finding a partner to sleep with is much easier than finding one to spank.

In looking back at my history, I now recognize that two young women had actually indicated to me their interest in being spanked but I was too shy to express my interest and so our ships sailed past each other. I imagine though that had I acted, these relationships would have been spanking only with some horsing around, but no intercourse or other forms of semi-private ejaculations. Ah, the missed opportunities.

My old question comes to mind, if the spanker is to only spank, why not a spanking machine?

Yes, Fanny, I am beginning to understand that. Thank you. I am still trying to get my head around to the kind of relationship one would have in a spanking scene that is so distant sexually; but I think I am getting to it.

I wonder how many out here get spanked outside a sexual relationship? Other than using the internet, how do you broach the subject with someone you are not already sleeping with?

Rudaberry, thanks! When the belt came out it just helped me release nervous tension. Since I've already spanked myself with a belt I kinda knew what to expect although the blows were being delivered by someone else. Honestly I think of that experience as a tailor made massage, getting exactly what I need worked on. At the end of it I admitted to my spanker that I was wet and excused myself to the bathroom where I cleaned up. And that was that.

Winggoddess, I regret to say that in your reply you misspelled my name!! This is a serious breach of the RDC (Rudeaberry's Disciplinary Code). As such, young lady, you are liable for punishment.

Before I pass sentence, you are required to explain clearly and concisely how the error occurred, and what steps you propose to take to ensure no repetition. Failure to do so within 24 hours will be deemed a further breach of the RDC.

If you two want to take this subject in a more playful direction please take this to the Rec Room, otherwise let's keep this discussion on topic out of respect to the original poster and the others interested in this serious subject. Thank you.

To me a spanking is a spanking, even if it is a turn-on. The only concern is to deliver (and receive) a good dose of traditional, old fashioned discipline. A good disciplinarian must be professional at all times. The only touching allowed is on the butt, and only then when delivering a stinging spank. No fondling. No monkey business. No "accidental" touches. He will certainly get a good look at her butt, and often of her girlie parts as well during the course of his spanking her but that should only be considered a "co-lateral happenstance" only, not part of his hidden agends. Unless she wants to have sex with the disciplinarian, sex is not to be considered. It's just not professional. They may indeed both be turned on by the thrashing but they should relieve themselves elsewhere.