Tales From the Front: He’s almost perfect

Friday

Jan 20, 2017 at 12:31 PM

Cheryl Lavin Creators Syndicate

Dear Cheryl: I’m a 36-year-old professional woman. I finally met the most wonderful guy, and we’ve been dating for four months. He treats me like a queen. He’s 27 and has a good job but wants more. He’s very intelligent and is working on several business ventures.

But there’s a problem. At first I thought it was sex because we only have it once, maybe twice, a week. When we do, I feel like I’m just some random chick. Foreplay is minimal. And he often grabs his cellphone afterward.

But it’s not just sex; it’s intimacy. Even when we’re just relaxing, there’s no touching. When I try to kiss him, I get rejected. I can see how this could destroy our relationship in the long run. He told me he’s had this problem in all his past relationships. I think if he let his guard down emotionally, he’d be more intimate with me, and therefore, we’d have more sex.

He told me he sometimes feels I deserve better, someone who’s in the same place professionally and could focus more on the relationship.

I don’t want to lose him. I just need some tips on how to inject intimacy into our relationship without putting pressure on him. I’ve tried everything! — He’s Almost Perfect

Dear He’s Almost Perfect: There are some things that can be fixed. If you’re honest with him and he’s willing, he could become a more thoughtful lover. If pleasing you is really important to him, he will occasionally watch TV with his arm around you.

But some things can’t be fixed. He’s never going to be a touchy-feely guy. And if he’s truly blocked emotionally; if he feels inferior to you; if he’s too involved in his career to focus on your relationship; and if he’s in a different place in his life, then there’s nothing you can do.

I hear how much you want this relationship to work. But it might not. And if you continue to settle, you’ll resent him and become bitter. Force the issue. It’s better to know now than six months or six years from now.

Dear Cheryl: My husband and I are Baptists. We just married our son to a Jew. In our minds, Jews are atheists because they don’t believe in Jesus Christ. What are the chances of this marriage lasting? — Concerned Father

Dear Concerned Father: The chances are better if you educate yourself. An atheist is someone who doesn’t believe in God. Jews believe in God. And Jews believe Jesus Christ existed.

Jews and Christians read the same holy book. Jews call it the Hebrew Bible; Christians call it the Old Testament. There are many similarities between the two religions. They both believe in the golden rule.

It would be a wonderful show of faith in the marriage if you were to learn about the Jewish religion as a way to welcome your daughter-in-law into the family. And hopefully, that would inspire her parents to study Christianity as a way to honor their new son-in-law. Involving both sets of parents can only strengthen the union.

— Got a problem? Send it, along with your questions and rants to cherylavinrapp@gmail.com. And check out my e-book, “Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front.”