If I were to boil down my life philosophy to one concept, one thing that has unlimited capacity to continue growing, one mindset that conquers all…

It’s extreme self love.

I could very well see, when I start releasing products that at least one of mine will center around this topic.

As I’m writing this right now, it’s hard for me to actually write out what this so called “self love” thing is, so I’ll riff for a while.

A lot of the mindsets I have cultivated are so internalized it’s hard to communicate them and teach them in a way that is effective. Especially when you only have a single weekend. You can only work so much on a “sense of entitlement” during a 3 day bootcamp.

So I haven’t had the time to flesh a lot of this stuff out. But I’ll try here…

It’s extreme narcissism, and it works great to keep your life fulfilled and building confidence.

It’s all I think about all day. If I’m drinking a water…

“Sweet! I’m drinking a water, no soda for me. God damn I’m going to be so money once I get a rockin six pack!”

Walking down the street…

“I’m just rolling down the street in downtown Chicago, heading to NYC in a few days, then off to Amsterdammmm. Damn I’m cool because I live in the coolest cities!”

Having ridiculous hair…

“I don’t give a shit about my hair. It’s so money. Even when it’s all fucked up I look cooler cuz I don’t give a shit!!!”

I’m always thinking about how I am better looking than every other guy out there, how I’m smarter than any other person in the world, that I have a better life than anyone, that my vocabulary is better than anyone, that my fashion sense is the best…

It’s borderline insanity. But life is insane.

—

I really have these thoughts constantly, and it builds me up. Pumps me up. Makes me feel happy at all times.

My life is almost completely stress free.

Now there are a couple of ways to cultivate this mindset.

1. It requires a very existential viewpoint.

– You need to realize that life has no meaning, it’s just a crazy story, and you can create whatever crazy story you want and be happy.

So I’ve created specific goals in my life, however those came about, who knows? Most likely social conditioning, partially just natural inclination.

But you can’t live by other people’s standards, you will never live up to them.

Create your own idiosyncratic standards that allow you to excel, to be the best, to be a “hero in your own mind.”

So I create goals based off of my own value structures, and whenever I take an action that moves me towards these goals…

I feel good. Damn good.

Travel, health, my dating life, financial freedom. Some I have pretty well handled, some I don’t, but ALL of them I’m working towards gaining a higher level of success.

Remember, you need to create life goals so that when you take action towards that goal, you feel good.

Let’s say you are working on those six pack abs.

Every time you grab a water instead of a Coca-cola, you should celebrate!

Get excited about the process, life is what happens when you are planning for the future.

2. Optimism

“…for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so” -Shakespeare

You need to realize that you can view any situation in a way that empowers your reality, or disempowers it. If your mindset is going to be “I am the shit. I am the coolest guy in the world.” Any disempowering thoughts need to be immediately extinguished.

These were the guys who were spotlighted in the movie The Secret. Although I think The Secret is cheesy, this book is great and gives you lots of hands on techniques for retraining your subconscious.

I don’t believe much in the philosophy behind it, the whole “we are all energy” type shit, but if you look beyond that, the book uses VERY powerful techniques for training your subconscious to only think positively and how this can manifest the things you desire in the real world.

So many things in life, especially when dealing with other people are a self fulfilling prophecy, so the more you can reinforce positive beliefs, the better chance you have of making them real.

Be cut throat on negativity. Do not even allow it to enter your thought processes.

Also, never talk in absolutes.

So if you are fat, it’s not that you are unhealthy. It’s “you are working towards becoming healthy.”

It’s not that you are negative, it’s “I’m getting more positive every day.”

———–

As you start viewing things this way, it takes a huge weight off your shoulders.

NLP technique that is:
Visualize a parrot on your shoulder telling you all the negative shit, ie you can’t do that, you’re too much of a pussy etc etc.
Then take the parrot with both hands, one hand, a claw, whatever the hell you want
Chuck/Throw whatver the Parrot into a cage
THEN
Put a cover over the cage.

Hell throw it in river if you really must, but that excercise will work wonders if you make it a habit.
To help you do that, throw the parrot that tells you you can’t make it a habit in the cage, cover it and put THAT in the river

I could see you interpret this exercise that way. For me, I view it as a way to reinforce positivity. Basically you become conscious of all your negative thoughts, and then decide not to dwell in them, or as Eckhart would say “Be the watcher.” Whereas Eckhart would probably say to just let them pass by, I think that is a good starting point, from there, reframe these situations in a way that reinforces what you want out of life. It’s take the eastern and mixing in some existentialism. Make sense? (actually I think this was just a bomb little thought here… haha)

i remember in bootcamp u were telling us you saw a ferrari and you expressed thinking something along the lines “damn, that’s so cool. One day I am going to millionare and own my own ferrari. Sweeeet!” LOL but an extremely eye opening experience about the power of self esteem. Although one weekend is not enough to attain a rock solid sense of entitlement, you really laid out a very obtainable path by making the review discussions just as potent as field experiences. I am really grateful for the reality shifts you slammed into my core, and I know from meeting you that people should take the time to internalize the lessons of this article. Also I am a college student in debt, but if you can TAKE A BOOTCAMP WITH BRAD

QUESTION: (Had to put this in caps since it might get lost in the many comments you’re getting these days – Love the blog)

Ok, so I just re-watched the last 2 DVD’s of the Blueprint where Tyler states: “Self esteem and happiness is a default state” i.e. you don’t need ego-based reasons for having self esteem.

Now I personally get a LOT of happiness from taking right action and improving my life all the time.

BUT how about this – Are you not still entitled to self esteem even if you’re drinking Coca Cola on a regular basis, because you’re basing it on your DEFAULT STATE.

So although being narcissistic because of all the great things we’re doing can be great, isn’t it in some sort of way ego-based “I do this, hence I am allowed to feel like this…” instead of feeling like that all the time.

Dude how do you explore your inner core on what you feel
good about doing/being? Like the ego structure… Because what if
maybe I have a unconscious thing going on where it’s externally
based maybe on looks and only the days when I look good I feel the
coolest? I want to find them out so I know what I want to get rid
of or make a blindspot How did you find out/recognize your
ego/value structures???

Just a comment..
My buddy and I were laughing at this (he’s into this too) our thought processes are slowly turning into:
1.MAn i’m cooler then all these people
2. *awareness/disidentifcation.. lol, that’s a ridiculous thought my ego is retarded
3. BUT I’M STILL THE COOLEST.

Life changing article. The first time I read this I thought it made sense, but the more I read this the more it “Clicks” in my mind. Whenever I was successful in the past, I had the “I’m the coolest guy in the world mindset” but I could never articulate into words the frame that you have.

I’ve also been recently interesting in spirituality, studying Ken Wilbur and James Miller, looking for a higher meaning. What makes you think that Jed Mckenna’s existential viewpoint is true?

That’s sweet you are checking out Ken Wilbur’s stuff. I like him a lot.

I just like McKenna’s writing style, as for the overall philosophy, I go with… “Logically a nihilist, emotionally an existentialist.”

I don’t think you truly can live a nihilistic lifestyle as you would have no reason to keep living, but realizing there is no meaning, means you can create whichever meaning you would like.

And I know I have emotional anchors towards various things like money, security, comparing myself to others, and as long as I’m consciously taking action and realizing these things, I’m cool with that.

Hey!
When you say that you are always thinking about how cooler you are than every other guy out there and you are better than anyone.
Is it a risk to become arrogant adopting this mindset and snub people? if yes, how not to do it?
Btw thanks for your answers, it helps me a lot

The trend just seems to first make it really fucking difficult for yourself before you get to that point where you just make it real easy instead. Maybe it is even necessary to walk that path first, maybe it is not, either way your gonna come to that realization sooner or later. Maybe this whole ´extreme self love´ is a shortcut so to bypass all of that.

Right now my ego is telling me what is important to me is: success with girls, financial freedom, travel, health, learning something new often, (gaining more knowledge, usually about science, environment, philosophy, DIY), a pumped up rich-cribb, quit drinking, quit smoking, stop over-eating.

My question is: say I want to keep some of these as goals, and reward myself when taking action, but remove others, how do I retrain my subconscious into thinking something has value and something doesn’t? And how do I select entirely new goals that I want and train myself to be pleased with the steps I take?

For example I don’t want to care about my health or wealth so much. So how do I adjust my “automatic processes” to respond differently and stop caring about these? Is it by merely re-framing my thoughts that eventually turn into emotions? For example if a girl called me “ugly or fat” and I wasn’t effected by health, then I would be non-reactive yes and thus wouldn’t care. I guess it’s a matter of just re-framing thoughts positively over and over until it sinks in?

Right now I notice my processes are on “autopilot” meaning if a girl laughs at what I’m saying my body automatically feels better, how do I stop my body from doing this? I even sense the sense of self esteem rise the more she laughs. Thanks Brad!

First of all I want to say that this is a great post. I just wanted to touch upon one thing that relates back to Blueprint Decoded. I am assuming that you adhere to the principles discussed in that DVD series, but if not please let me know.

My question is how can someone have a strong, solid frame and be in beast mode thinking how awesome they are and that they could get any girl, yet not have an ego/not be attached to the outcome of the situation and be the guy who just kind of goes with the flow? I feel that the two sides are a bit contradictory, in that on one hand you have the guy engulfed in his own world while beasting and only doing whatever the fuck he wants, yet according to the principles Tyler talks about in Blueprint you need to destroy your egocentric base and just go with the flow. Yet you advocate “narcissism at it’s finest”, which in my opinion, is an egocentric mindset.

I feel there is a natural dichotomy between this unwavering, ego-based frame vs. a non-resistant, ego-removed player. In addition to this difference, how can you just let go and go with the flow, yet be in your own world and live soley by your own volition. Which is the correct mindset to approach situations with, or if I am missing the unity between these concepts, then how can you be both at the same time?!

Dude, it is just like being the yacht or teh gorilla. You do what you want to do without thinking of the consequences.YOU’RE SO POWERFUL,SEXY.CHARISMATIC,ETC that anyone who tries to get in your would be a joke.HAVE A HUGE SMUG ON YOUR FACE.

Actually, i think i all boils down to self love aka selfesteem. Just do this guys, and i would like to to hear an answer from you brad. Imagine your perfect women opening you at night on the street when you are with your friends, just so that you can imagine! I bet she would be well dressed, make-up, beautiful hair, nice clothing, confident walk, nice smile. Then she would talk to you with, she would say something funny with a sexy vooice, she would flirt, she would be non-reactive if you said something that came out wrong, she was just living the moment and being happy. Now, can you imagine her possessing any of the ones above without having extreme love for her self??!! Guess what! Now imagine what kind of guy would they be dreaming of i you asked them (women) the same question. I bet there would be a lot of similiarities! Learn to love yourselfs 1st!
– Filipe, Portugal

Fantastic article. After I read it, I felt really good for a few days – but then suddenly I’ve hit a stump again. I’ve suffered from enormous insecurity my whole life relating to my looks. I’ve always just felt incredibly ugly, and even when I’m trying to re-program my mind, the fact is, as far as I’m concerned, I’m ugly, and aint nobody telling me otherwise, so it’s really hard to start thinking “I am the shit, I am the shit” when I get reminded of how ugly I am every time I look in the mirror.

“It’s extreme narcissism, and it works great to keep your life fulfilled and for getting women as well.”

I’m sure you know that a clinical psychologist would get a kick out of that one. I think extreme narcissism, deep-seated cynicism and practical existentialism (these are all intimately tied together) work great during night game, but are hollow and useless when trying to live a more mature life at the end of the day: long-term relationships, deep friendships, spiritual growth, work-life balance, that kind of a thing.

Anyway, I’m thankful for your blog (I subscribed), coz it made me realize that I’m no pooah YET, but an intermediate dabbler who’s good with 7’s and some 8’s. You sir are the PUA, and I’ll work hard on advancing to your level… without the existential/nihilistic framework, which I think sucks ass as an outlook.

Haha, those are all kind of loaded words. If you were to meet me, or watch the recent video I just posted, you’ll see that even though I speak in extremes, I’m not espousing to be some crazy oblivious arrogant dick.

Most guys are so far on the other end, that if they even make it 10% they’ll be way better off.

Also, I’d say ultimately it’s just self esteem, building up your own view of yourself, feeling worthy and happy about your own existence. However it takes to get there, I’m just trying to say it in as many differnet ways as possible so it finally clicks for someone.

Thanks for subscribing man, and your participation in the discussions!

I’ve been going at this extreme self love for for a while now…and it seems like the only common thread between my lays… ie somehow im able to get into an entitled mindset while simultaneously blocking anything to do with reality/external reality outside my entitled mindset…

But getting here has happened in different ways…

1) Focusing on my thoughts and keeping them high value to the point where I feel literally awesome and like the biggest pimp ever … kinda like you mentioned in keeping the jersey guido mindset ..

2) Through focusing/being conscious of my non reaction seeking behaviours/ breaking tonality almost sounding harsh but with complete control and a smile (kind of) kinda like you mentioned in your 21 convention video at around 43 minutes in…. Like I’ve even got to a point where I’m instantly able to recognize non coldness (if it even happens by mistake, as it hardly happens in this conscious state) and cut myself midway even before it happens or in less than a second

Would love to get your views on which way to go about this 1) or 2) and bounce my ideas of what I’ve experienced in both modes…

In 1) – keeping high value thoughts throughout…This is so dope and logical from an evolutionary stand point while 2) is exactly like you mentioned a cheat code..which I love as well in games.. and finally life is an awesome game that we all get to play and level up

Successfully having 1) – (high value thoughts consciously to the point where they become semi unconscious – you just know by say 2 weeks of this) causes all the high value behaviours to flow, sometimes when I feel a test kinda situation from the girl, I consciously keep high value thoughts and this works kickass.and I can pinpoint anytime that I haven’t done well to a non high value thought – causing neediness in my actions …. So like I said…this is logical to me and seems like something that has unlimited capacity to grow…! and seems like I just have to trust the process and go with maintaining high value thoughts/entitlement as consciously as I can…

2 – (conscious of non reactive behaviour/tonality/body language/ cold vibe base + express from here)
This is a different ball game which I’ve only just started alternating with 1) sometimes and seems to work pretty well when its able to get my thoughts into entitlement …. for example… when I’m being conscious of my actions/ reactiveness/cold vibe base etc…its almost like I know perfectly how much to give myself to the set…how cold to be depending on reactions etc as well..its awsesome… and when I’ve been like this..sometimes I step back and see..ok my thoughts/ feeling feels like I’m the boss here.which is 1).. and it works…sometimes when I’m being needy its easier to spot using this “cheat code of consciousness” instead of forcing high value thoughts when I feel a dissonance (frame battle)

In conclusion 1) seems to lead to 2) and 2) when successful does seem to always have 1) … so which way is best to go about it… I’m alternating this stuff at the moment and would love your feedback on this

So, hope you enjoyed this detailed post!… just seems like forever that I’ve been typing it.. just been mulling all this stuff over and its scary and beautiful how things flow logically once you get to a required level of depth in understanding this stuff… time for a J now .. and again Thanks a ton for your 21 conv video again!

Brad, I have a question: how do I handle a quiet 8 who I only meet in a weekly youth group? She looks great but seems introverted and unresponsive; she rushes straight home once these youth group sessions close at 9PM. There’s only like a 3 min window every week before sessions to chat her up, because there’s no socializing during sessions. How does a PUA handle that? Thanks.

Awesome article. I recently learned about the law of attraction and am realizing how it ties into everything, especially positive mind sets and RSD philosophy. It’s like every succesful person alludes to it but nobody realizes it. I think it’d be great if you write about that a little bit more.

Your posts on the theme of self love struck a cord with me. Tried this exercise tonight: got out a notebook and a pen and started writing reasons ‘why I am awesome..’. Shit man, that’s hard. Writing down some stuff of which I think – yeah, that IS pretty awesome. But then there are also negative thoughts and doubts coming up – it SHOULD have been such and so.

Am just persevering with the exercise, just to train my mind. Trying to blast through those negative thoughts. Any tips?

Sweet! Nice to have you here. It really gets easier with time. It takes conscious decision at first to only focus on the positive, but in time, if you train yourself, it will become autopilot. Cheers!!!

Just would like to say I enjoy all of your articles, I’m somewhat new to the site but when I started reading this one I honestly felt as if I wrote it, I have the same mindset and it really does make life fucking great. Everything about it.

This article was the second rock at pushing over the coke machine (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTi9eJqkxng) in terms of negativity for me. I’ve had a big epiphany of negativity’s destructiveness and positivity’s awesomeness in the past – might’ve started from the blueprint actually but i’m not too sure. But this was the second epiphany. I’m gunna re-read Awaken the Giant Within and keep anhillating negativity and overlapping it with positivitiy.

yeup.i watched all of them.thats how i started getting some helpful reference expirirences.being happy with 9 second conversations and then sometimes going longer than that,like 5 mintues,one time even 10 minutes!as i was reading this,i thought this would work only for “normal” guys,but now that you confirmed it,im going to read this post everyday and apply it on everything i do. for a mintue i thougtht i was going to mess myself even more by trying to develop E.S.L.haha.Thanks Brad!

Hey Branson, I really liked your article and please excuse me for my poor English.I recently finished with power of now (popularly called as new age hippie shit). But aren’t you identifying things with yourself? Isn’t this thing helping in development of the ego? You are contradicting your article with tolle. For example,

“I’m just rolling down the street in downtown Chicago, heading to NYC in a few days, then off to Amsterdammmm. Damn I’m cool because I live in the coolest cities!”

Aren’t you identifying yourself with cities ? Isn’t that developing your ego? Once you are in a small town you will loose your self esteem! I am little confused.

I love this article and have continued to read it over the past couple years. Brad, I look forward to you releasing new videos and articles on this subject. Its seriously been life changing for me. Its helped me get rid of all those negative bullshit thoughts that I have through out the day. Thanks man!

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