Sunday, September 09, 2007

In keeping with my "all grandmas are cooler than me" theory, a speaker at the work convention I recently attended quoted a Rihanna/Someotherperson song, "Umbrella". I've never heard the song, and other than seeing this Rihanna person on some best-dressed lists, I'm not really familiar with her. (She is pretty, though.) The speaker was a woman who could easily be a grandmother (she's been with The Agency since 1977, two years before I was born) but she was hilarious and clearly infinitely more hip than me.

So I am braving the MTV VMAs tonight, in an attempt to discern what "The Kids" are listening to these days. And basically...uh, not much. Highlights so far for me include:

Sarah Silverman being bitchy (I love her, I do).

Justin Timberlake being presented with an award and then bringing some beefy guy up on stage to re-present the award to him (solidifying my Justin-Timberlake-Is-Kind-Of-A-Tool theory, as well, although Travis tells me the re-presenter is some guy named Timbaland, Mega-Producer and bearer of a name I recognize first as a brand of shoe); also, the irony that the guy who was loudly railing at MTV for all the schlock and "reality" shows and lack of music videos played anymore was presented an award by the beetches from The Hills.

Watching Jennifer Garner (beautiful and classy) put up with Jaime Foxx's drunk ass. Hint: if you are being looked at with frustration and amazement by a woman who chases a two-year-old around all day, and you've only been talking for seventeen seconds, you are ANNOYING.

I also am completely blinded by the ADD-ness of it all - hell, even on the VMAs no one can sit still for an entire song - snippets of live performances are being flashed from about twenty-seven different rooms and the whole thing makes me feel like I'm going to stroke.

And of course, Britney. Oh, seeing her half-heartedly strut around on stage while not even bothering to remember the words to whatever schlock she was lip-syncing..... Win or lose, I was prepared to enjoy every second of it. (Here's where I shame myself: I was really rooting for her. And I was almost happy to see her half-naked despite being significantly heavier than is socially acceptable in Hollywood. Her ass might be pushing a size six, but like glorious Stanley Tucci said of the respectable size six in Devil Wears Prada, "Oh, that's the new fourteen!" And of course all the press is about how horribly out-of-shape she is. Hell, I'd trade my lazy body for hers any time.)

But have you ever been to a club where there was a kinda hot girl there who was dancing like she really didn't want to be there because she's just WAY too good for this place but since she's here she might as well flail around for a while and call it dancing, rolling her eyes and sneering at everyone else in the club? Yeah, that was TOTALLY the vibe Britney was giving off. Maybe she was just terrified and unsteady and unsure of what to do (she'd been threatened within an inch of her career, after all, to keep it tame and behave)...but I think it may be time to hang up the hot pants. (I know, I know, everyone else has been saying that for like two years now, but I just can't give up on her! She's so....so....I don't know, I want to brush her wig hair and make her spit out her gum and Eliza Doolittle her up a little, you know?)

I will have knitting and/or spinning content, probably tomorrow, if this VMA thing doesn't kill all my remaining brain cells before it's over. Thank God for the fast-forward button on the TiVo; I don't think I'd survive without it.