German parliament votes to ban Mullets

Germany looks set to outlaw the Mullet hairstyle, after the ruling collation narrowly won a vote on new legislation in the Bundestag yesterday. The Mullet will now be gradually phased out over the next two years before a blanket ban comes into effect on 1 January 2015. The legislation also contained an agreement in principle to criminalise male perms, and an immediate moratorium on comb overs.

Mullets are already illegal in many countries across Europe. Irealnd was the first to introduce an outright ban in 2004, while Britain introduced a ban on Mullets in public places in 2007, although there was a two year exemption for fairground workers and people who own a complete set of Status Quo albums.

But many Germans have reacted angrily to the news. Dietmar Schwaab of East Berlin commented,

‘It seems that we are returning to the bad old days. When the Berlin Wall fell, we all thought, ‘at last, we are free to grow a neat fringe, a long bushy pony tail and listen to David Hasselhoff records without being judged.’ But now it seems that they are turning the clock back. What worries me is where will this end? Will I soon have to hand in my studded leather bracelets and my stonewashed Jeans as well?'

However some agreed the legislation was necessary. Reformed mulleteer Manfred Wendlinger recalls a horrific incident at a Michael Bolton concert in Munich in 1993,

‘Everything was fine until we got to the key change in the final chorus of ‘How Can We Be Lovers’ when suddenly there was a massive surge forward. There were people everywhere, and before I knew it, my mullet became entangled with at least 50 to 60 others. It was terrifying and I was right in the middle of it with no way to escape without losing most of my scalp. It was only when the fire brigade turned up with hydraulic cutting tools that we could eventually be freed.'

And it was this that convinced him that the mullet had had its day. 'It’s crew cuts all the way for me now. I still think it’s a miracle that no-one was killed that day. The only positive thing was that as soon as it happened, Michael Bolton stopped singing and the concert was immediately abandoned.’

However the pro mullet camp has found an unlikely ally in the American Country singer Billy Ray Cyrus. Mr Cyrus, writing on his website http://www.acheybreakeygit.com stated,

‘I am sending my thoughts and prayers to my German brothers tonight. I had a mullet for many years, and it didn’t stop me from becoming a much loved, critically acclaimed recording artist who has sold tens of millions of albums right across the globe. It was my inherent lack of talent instead.’