Prostate Health

The last time I saw a naked Vicar hanging curtains in his kitchen while standing on a table with potatoes below him, I thought to myself, "Don't fall down and penetrate yourself." Well, my worst nightmare has become a reality.

A reverend in Sheffield, England went to Northern General Hospital with this very same, very true story of how a potato became lodged in his backside. Surgeons searched for and removed the burdensome spud but were unable to find any shred of dignity inside the Vicar.

The 50+ year-old clergyman insisted to the staff that it was not the result of bottom-play gone awry, but rather the scenario described above. Psst, Vicar, the next time you decide to hang curtains naked, don't lube up first.

Some tension has erupted between former Star Trek castmates and current "frenemies" William Shatner and George Takei over Takei's recent snubbing of Shatner by a lack of invitation to his wedding.

As Kirk himself might put it:

Captain's Log: Stardate 1023.08

"There's a sickness, a psychosis if you will, running epidemic aboard the ship. And now it seems our very own Mr. Sulu has been infected with some kind of irrational catiness that has caused him to not invite me to his wedding. There is something festering inside of him, something that makes him take things out on me. Things are getting out of control and I do have to remind him that failure to invite your Captain to your wedding is a violation of Starfleet protocol 12678 which expressly states that in the event that a member of Starfleet comes out of the closet and decides to have a highly publicized wedding, the Senior Starfleet Officer responsible for his career and celebrity MUST be present or said member may face a Court Martial or exile on the planet Talos IV."

Let us all hope that the relationship of Patrick Stewart and LeVar Burton NEVER come to this. **Sad Stuff**

The next time you see someone in need of cardiopulmonary resuscitation, don't panic. Just approach the scene and tell them, "Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk, I'm a woman's man: no time to talk." Oh wait, that's not how it works?

Doctors and students from the University of Illinois did a small study regarding CPR. The study revealed that by listening to the Bee Gees's Saturday Night Fever tune, Stayin' Alive, the beats to the song comes close to the number of chest compressions required to do proper CPR.

Dr. David Matlock from the university said that by listening to the song while performing CPR, students were motivated in giving more chest compressions than required--which is 100 as recommended by the American Heart Association. "It drove them and motivated them to keep up the rate, which is the most important thing," Matlock said in CNN's report.

The owners of Puck Technology are facing serious federal charges for selling a couple products that allow people to mask chemical substances in their urine. They're expected to plead guilty to conspiracy and defrauding the government charges when the time comes.

One of the products, the Original Whizzinator, is a prosthetic penis that the web site claims is "Undetectable!, foolproof!, and re-usable!" Well, the first two aren't totally disgusting. Apparently the penis mask stays warm for up to 8 hours thanks to third party glove warmers. This allows the flow to be the correct temperature when it gets squirted out by hand.

If you need to smoke pot bad enough to use a device like this, you probably shouldn't be a part of the U.S. workforce anyway. Also, no pothead is dedicated enough to actually pull this off. Of course, it masks more than just pot.

The attorney representing the company has said there is a plea agreement in place, but he could not discuss what it entails. What a pisser, huh?

A recent study has determined that a man's sperm quality may be an indicator of his brain power. Evolutionary Psychologist Geoffrey Miller first began this research examining the connection between sperm and intelligence in 1985 with Vietnam Veterans while investigating the after effects of Agent Orange exposure. While the study can be skewed by things such as age, drug use, and abstinence, the connection was found to be not overwhelming, but still significant.

Translation: Nerds have good baby batter.

The connection, Miller argues, is a result of the two traits being tied together through a web of biological and environmental factors which help women pick better mates.

And to think of all the money us guys have wasted on Ax Body Spray, thinking that women were going to rip our clothes off and make men out of us right there in the streets. How many of us in the 90's bought Tori Amos and Sarah McLaughlin CD's thinking this would make us seem "more sensitive?" Damn you, Corporate America with your false advertising and your chocolate sprays! I have lawsuits to file.

I might add, speaking objectively with full "geek" colors flying, a conflict of interest for people who became scientists isn't exactly lacking here. Just saying...

We'd assume that in order to save this world from turmoil, one must have a cape, superhuman strength, the agility of Spider-Man and whitening toothpaste. But as it turns out, you won't be needing all those. Instead, you can just do a little dance...make a little love...a little more, and get down tonight.

The first "eco-nightclub" in Britain, called "Club4Climate", features an advanced dance floor that generates energy through folks dancing, dry humping and getting jiggy on and/or with it. Electricity is generated not just through dance moves, but through ceramics and crystals embedded on the dance floor. The energy generated through dancing will provide the club with over 60% of the power it needs, which is pretty damn impressive.

Aside from the high-tech flooring, Club4Climate also supports its own solar power and wind turbine system. Captain Planet will be proud and will be willing to shake it for everyone.

We had assumed that we'd seen every hardcore WoW player out there, but alas, the internets have proven us wrong once again. A being known as Bradster currently has 36 accounts on World of Wacraft all for himself, and not only that, he plays them all at once. Again, he has three dozen accounts and he plays them all at once.

Here's word from the man himself:

"A lot have asked me, why create so many? The main reason is to invade Stormwind and Ironforge when they reach top level. I’m sure the Alliance will put up a big fight when that happens. We’ll see how it goes. If they don’t make level 70 before Wrath of the Lich King, then it will be at level 80. That is my main goal."

Captain Caucasian, the alter-ego of an Austin radio deejay, has bombed google! The no-doubt hysterical radio personality urged his fans to search for "Captain Caucasian" in google, and thus drive up the number of hits for him. It worked, and briefly this morning, the Captain had his moment of fame as the number one search term on the internet.

We were certain that Captain Caucasian must have something awesome going on, since he seems so desperate to get people to pay attention to him, so we tracked down this video:

Wow, Captain Caucasian, it must rule to be you! You're a small town morning zoo radio host who isn't funny and who can't rap at all, and now everyone on earth knows it! You don't fail at all!

Boy oh boy, are state politics really heating for the upcoming local Congressional seats? Take Jim Slattery's attack ad on his republican opponent Pat Roberts. You can find it on the Jim Slattery web site and also embedded right here:

Now check out the response ad that we happen to get our hands courtesy of the Pat Roberts campaign.*

Really, Hef...really? As if the lovely ladies from The Girls Next Door weren't enough, the damn sexy Ukranian model, Dasha Astafieva, enters Hugh's manor. Ms. Astafieva will be joining Holly Madison, Kendra Wilkinson and Bridget Marquardt in the popular TV series as one of the reasons why an almighty being created women.

Being in Hefner's situation, we'd imagine it would take a lot for a woman to impress the man himself, but according to reports, the Playboy mogul was very impressed with Astafieva's “natural endowments and beauty.” However, it didn't impress the rest of the girls, as they are "fuming mad" to the notion that Dasha will be joining them in the mansion.