First, I thank my local Carmike Cinema for cropping every frame of S&TC: The Movie so only wisps of opening credits were visible and the top of every head was cut off in all but wide-angle shots. If I hadn’t been waiting months to see this flick, I would have stomped out and demanded a refund. But now I have an excuse to see it again in a proper theater.

Although the movie was roughly 5 TV episodes long, I was sorry to see it end.

I wonder if Cynthia Nixon is pissed off and distanced herself when she realized Miranda’s the arch villain in the final cut? Did you notice how she showed up at the London, German, and New York premieres looking like the odd man out – full-length when everyone else was cocktail, in white when they all wore metallic?

I suspect early, sympathetic scenes of Miranda were shot to make her split from Steve justifiable, then dropped.

I also think the rumor of a character’s death was true, and it was Steve’s mother (Anne Meara). In an interview, David Eigenberg mentioned speaking to Meara on the set, and she was referenced several times in the movie, but she’s not in it. My theory is that Miranda helped Steve grieve his mother’s death, which is why she feels totally betrayed when he confesses to cheating. It’s the only logical explanation for her over-the-top reaction.

Charlotte is the undisputed good guy. Kristen Davis’ sunny character was the only one who translated intact from TV to screen. Without Charlotte, the film would be a relentless downer. But in the cutting, I think she and Harry probably got screwed out of a tender scene together (with dialog) about having their baby. They were the only couple who didn’t get a “moment,” and it would have been Evan Handler’s only reason to get dressed and report to the set.

All the men got short shrift. Relationship scenes took a back seat to empty, but expensive, fillers with the girls, such as the fashion show where Samantha gets blood thrown on her white fur.

But fans already get it. Samantha loves New York and they’re all into clothes.

However, the men who should really feel slighted are Mario Cantone and Willie Garson (Anthony Marantino and Stanford Blatch, respectively). Their colorful personalities were wasted. Yet, they suddenly become a couple, but when, where, or how it happens is a mystery.

Jennifer Hudson holds her own as Carrie’s assistant, Louise from St. Louis. She had potential to develop her role in a sequel, but they send her packing back to St. Louis after she reorganizes and revives Carrie.

Sarah Jessica Parker’s hints at Carrie’s storyline were greatly exaggerated. She was referring to the fact that 40-something Carrie now spends days comatose in bed after a guy dumps her, incapable of pulling herself together without outside intervention.

The uplifting message there is that as we get older, breakups get even harder, and we’ll all curl up and starve ourselves to death unless we have a circle of caring friends.

Speaking of starving, SJP, unfortunately, seems to be trapped into looking like a nail-biting, bony, bow-legged 12-year-old so she can still fit into her tutu from the TV series’ opening credits while everyone around her ages gracefully – particularly Kim Cattrall.

I misted up when Carrie got the fateful phone call from Big. Through much practice, SJP has perfected getting jilted, and the fury she unleashed in the street was exactly what Big deserved for not protesting such a ridiculously flimsy plot device behind his cold feet. Since when has Big ever been that insecure?

I think my criticisms could be remedied with an uncut DVD release. In any event, it was still thrilling to see the girls together again, even though the new theme song’s shallow lyrics fit the movie perfectly. Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha inhabit a world of pure fantasy that I love, and I wish their adventures never had to end.

Harry Potter trained the media to stay pretty mum about Sex and the City: The Movie, so I’ve been stewing over this bit I found in this interview with Sarah Jessica Parker:

But some of her scenes in the film were difficult to handle as well, because before it ends, Carrie is plunged into a life crisis far more intense than anything in the television series. Parker was unprepared for the personal stress these sequences caused her.

“The harder stuff, the emotional stuff Carrie has never experienced before, was just very painful,” she admits. “It was surprisingly upsetting. But it was the role of a lifetime – I wouldn’t have run from it. I ran toward it completely, but it was very sad to see this happen to her. I was so proud and shocked and relieved that a studio let us tell that story. But it wasn’t easy.”

Screenwriter Michael Patrick King swears all the rumors of a death are untrue.

SJP can’t be talking about some trauma with Big, because she got plenty of practice breaking up or getting dumped by him during the series.

Is she just being melodramatic? Or could she at last be sprouting a family and a past that comes back to haunt her in a horrible way?

The movie premieres in New York tonight and opens all over Europe tomorrow, but American fans must wait until Friday to have this burning question answered.