Message:One Sunday evening when we were planning to be alone, after I had shut and locked the door against juvenile intruders, I came back to the bed and found my wife on her stomach wanting her back scratched – she likes that a lot. I obliged her a long time, to her satisfaction. She got me really worked up well through the rest of our foreplay, to the point where I sort of lost consciousness of everything but my aching desire for her. I really like being “out of my mind” like that.

(She did, incidentally, introduce into the foreplay a few things she doesn't usually do: voluntarily squeezing my balls, running her nails over my anus, digging her nails into my ass, pinching me here and there, so maybe the material she's been reading from Akasha's website is having an effect on her. Later, when I commented on her behavior, she said it just seemed like the thing to do at the time.)

At any rate, while we were having intercourse and I was getting close to the edge, I asked as I always do, whether or not I could cum. Amazingly, she said no, so I had to stop and hold very still to keep from cumming. Maybe I got too close to the edge, because when I started up again, I couldn't cum. Finally, I collapsed from exhaustion. She said she was satisfied for the night. I told her I hadn't cum, and at first, she said we could finish in the morning. Then she thought of me lying there in bed all night, awake and frustrated ('cause I've done that before), and worse, waking her up early in the morning to finish things off, and she decided that I really ought to keep it up 'til I came, which I did.

The next morning, I felt guilty about that. It's true, she told me I could cum, and I am obedient to her in that respect, so I came per instruction. Still, seeing as how she was satisfied, wouldn't it have been a better gift to her for me to have stayed frustrated and endured it rather than to have cum and satisfied myself? I keep saying that my cock belongs to her, that it exists for her pleasure and not for mine, and here was a perfect opportunity to act on those words, to prove to the both of us that they weren't merely words, and I didn't do it. I am disappointed in myself. (But not so much that I'm going to beat myself up over it. I think I've read somewhere something about the spirit being willing, but the flesh being weak...)

Oh, well. I pledge to do better next time.

One last thing, my wife confesses that she doesn’t have much imagination about sexual things. As an aide to her poor imagination, she has agreed to let me put together descriptions of scenes, teasing games, lists of light bondage games, humiliation ideas, and such that I can get off the Internet and from books. Maybe it'll help.

A couple of nights later, my wife was in her “goddess mode.” It was the first time, I think, that she took complete control of our love-making. She asked me to give her a whole body massage with the lotion I bought her. I admit I spent a lot of time massaging her ass, so much so that she noticed and commented on it. When I was done with the massage and she was covered in lotion, I begged her for some other way to serve her. She told me I could eat her, which I did with glee. I stayed down there and worked diligently – and blissfully – until she pulled me up several minutes later (actually, it was probably the longest time I’ve ever spent giving her oral sex). She was ready for intercourse, and I got on top of her. After a short while, she decided she wanted to be on top, so we flipped over, and I pumped her until I was exhausted. She said she was satisfied with me; I mentioned to her that I had not cum. She was surprised at this (but then, why should she have been? After all, I never cum anymore without explicitly asking for permission to before I reach the edge, and I hadn’t asked.) She said she was tired and satisfied.

I told her that I didn’t want to cum; that it meant something to me to spend the whole evening on her pleasure and not on my own. I keep saying I want to be her servant, to give her pleasure and that she owns my cock and balls, etc. This time, I felt like I had integrity, that I was man of my word by serving her faithfully and diligently and not getting to come in the end. She said she understood this (sort of). Still, she was in a generous mood, and I had told her a few days before that the desire to worship her ass was beginning to stir in me again (as it does, from time to time). I asked her if I could worship her ass, and she agreed! She flipped right over, and let me put a pillow under her hips and go at it. I don’t know how long I was down there, but it was heavenly. I have such a wonderful wife. The next night, she made sure we had a quickie so that I could cum after two or three days of frustration and good service. She really is a goddess.