While the beautiful people of Cannes take to the red carpet for new masterpieces from the likes of Terrence Malick, Lars von Trier and Lynne Ramsay, a subterranean realm of more unusual cinematic offerings is lurking just below their feet. Welcome to the weird and wonderful world of the Marché du Film, the world's biggest movie market. Here are eight particularly special selections to whet your appetite …

Snowmageddon

Photograph: James Mccauley

Set in the small suburban town of Normal, Alaska (see what they've done there?), Snowmageddon sees the all-American Miller family receive a peculiar Christmas gift from "a mysterious man in a mysterious van". To the untrained eye it's nothing more than an ordinary snow globe, but what the family don't know is that WHAT HAPPENS IN THE GLOBE HAPPENS IN REAL LIFE, so even the slightest shake can have catastrophic global consequences (or, you know, whatever the budget will stretch to).

Tagline "Hell has frozen over"

Little Obama

Photograph: James Mccauley

After enjoying a wide release at home last year, Indonesian Barack-opic Little Obama arrives in Cannes this week. It purports to tell the true story of Barack "Barry" Obama's childhood years in Jakarta which, from the look of things, were almost exclusively occupied by Rocky-style training montages and Karate Kid-esque bully battles. The film promises to do for the US president what Nowhere Boy did for John Lennon, ie make him seem like the world's most insufferable plank.

Tagline "An inspiration for Indonesian children"

Battlefield Heroes

Photograph: James Mccauley

Filling a niche rarely catered for by mainstream Hollywood, this "comic war drama" sees rivals kingdoms in eighth-century Korea competing in an epic battle where "not the toughest wins, but the funniest". The precise mechanics of this Live At The Apollo-style approach to combat aren't explained, but I'm told at least one scene has soldiers lobbing buckets of rice at each other. It's like a Full Metal Jackass.

Tagline "Spark the laughing bomb!"

Nazis At The Center Of The Earth

This list wouldn't be complete without at least one entry from California-based production outfit The Asylum, kings of the "Mockbuster" genre. Basically, every time a film like Paranormal Entity or The Da Vinci Treasure pops up in HMV at the exact same time as its big-budget equivalent, you can bet The Asylum had something to do with it. I'm not entirely sure which major studio release Nazis At The Center Of The Earth is riffing on, but I can't pretend I'm not excited about a film where mutant zombie Nazis threaten to overrun the world from their secret underground cavern.

Cooper

Photograph: James Mccauley

After losing his entire family in a tragic (though inadvertently hilarious) car accident, Jake Bryant finds solace in the company of a lovable stray dog called Cooper. Over time, the spirited canine teaches Jake "to live, laugh, and maybe even love again". Meanwhile, Cooper's vet Caroline hypothesises that Cooper is in fact "a dog with a mission … to bring happiness to the sad and lonely". Seriously, what does it take to get struck off the veterinarian eegister these days?

Tagline "Sometimes life's second chances come in small packages"

Cool Gel Attacks

Photograph: James Mccauley

Based on an incident in 2006 where packs of cooling gel were found in rural Thailand and mistaken by some for aliens, Cool Gel Attacks offers a "knee-slapping look" at what might have happened had the gel packs indeed been sentient. That's to say, it's little more than a ITV News "and finally…" segment stretched to feature film length.

Tagline "It dodges. It jumps. It flies. It attacks!"

Camel Spiders

Photograph: James Mccauley

Focusing on the Solifugae arachnid rather than the far scarier camel-spider hybrid I first pictured, Camel Spiders is the latest film from Jim Wynorski, director of Busty Cops Go Hawaiian, The Wasp Woman and Dinocroc Vs Supergator. Here, a ragtag gang of American soldiers (including C Thomas Howell!) band together to take on the US military's greatest enemy: the camel spider. I'd like to say it's all a biting satire of American military practices (I know Busty Cops Go Hawaiian certainly was) but chances are it's just about a bunch of big meanie spiders.

Tagline "The war just got deadlier"

Pregnant Man

Photograph: James Mccauley

So imagine you're a regular guy who wants to have a baby but your wife is unable to have one – where would you turn? Adoption? Artificial insemination? Well not if you're Russian TV producer Serguey who, according to the press release for Pregnant Man, "makes a wish to have a baby, and his wish becomes true! But how?! He becomes pregnant!" There are plenty more exclamation marks where those came from.