Archive for February, 2010

Seriously. Why so dramatic, ladies? Oh wait. Ladies don’t get caught up in their stupid web of stupidity. What I really meant was, “Why so dramatic, all-you-immature-brats-with-no-life-and-no-brains?” =]

There was drama in all the schools I attended. The private Catholic school I went to–which surprisingly had the MOST drama and some of the cattiest girls. Bottle of irony, anyone? The public school I went to–which did have its fair share but since it was a big school people could switch cliques. And even in college–girls cause drama. And it’s over the stupidest things. . . .or they’re just dumb and jump to the most ridiculous of conclusions creating trouble when nothing of the kind existed!

Not everyone is going to like you. Some people are just really different. There are billions of other people in the world, you’re obviously not the center of them all. Who really cares who slept with whom when you’re sleeping with everyone else? Is it necessary to publicly humiliate someone because your poor little ego was hurt? Do these stupid little things actually matter? And the media does not help at all with their caricatures of the high school arena.

Gah. Probably why I like having guys friends way more than girls. And when I hear news about teenagers committing SUICIDE because they were being bullied. That just makes my blood boil. I was teased and bullied a lot when I was younger due to my weight but wasn’t really pushed to the edge like that. (insert blog post about being fat as a kid here) I never let them get to me.

There is one thing I noticed upon my arrival at college. The amount of people who smoke increase by a good couple thousand–literally. In high school there were signs everywhere prohibiting cigarettes on the property but some kids still managed to do it without getting caught. But rarely did I ever see them in the actual process of going through a butt. Here on campus, it’s a normal thing you see everyday. Sometimes I even get the misfortune to be walking behind a smoker who’s after puff just punches my face with its stench. Ugh. I hate that part.

I never did go to a party in high school (omgznowaiz!) and don’t think I really missed too much. But at the university, drinking is regular past time any day of the week at any time of the week. Just inquire around and you’re bound to find SOMEONE who’s willing to party/drink.

I’m fine with people who smoke or drink. It’s your life. Go ahead and do you want with it–as long as it doesn’t involve me. You see, smokers, if you’re going to light up walk to the very edge of the road/walkway and try not to give me lung cancer with second hand smoke. Or better yet, go outside and smoke instead of surreptitiously trying to do so in your room?! Drinkers, please by all means get yourselves inebriated. Just leave at least one bathroom stall clean for me? I don’t know how girls miss, but trust me, they do. By a lot. (It could be boys using the girls’ bathroom, but when every toilet seat is either covered in urine or feces. . . .)

This is turning into a rant, you can stop reading if you want. =]

Also, I have learned something very important. By not drinking or smoking I have learned that I am 100% guaranteed to not have as many friends as I could have. Because I have this theory about people only hanging around with other people like them where they are connected by something. People want to connect with others over the same things and the more you connect over, the better friends you’re going to be. The less you connect the less people feel inclined to trust you or think you “get” them, well that’s why I probably have a super small circle of friends. That and the fact I can be pretty picky about who I spend my time with.

One of my friend’s said this might be because of where I live on campus (the supposedly notorious party dorm) and if I lived in a quieter area things would be difference. Doubtful. No matter where you live, people are still going to do whatever makes them comfortable. It probably has to do more with the fact that I live in the biggest living area more than anything. More people = more crazy people.

Has anyone else noticed that girls will take a loooooong time to get ready and really doll themselves up for a night of some “serious partying”. But guys? All they have to do is throw on a preppy shirt (if they’re really feeling fancy) maybe wash up and BAM! It’s party time.

From kindergarten throughout high school, I was labeled as “the quiet one” or the “that really nice girl”. My parents would always come home after conferences and tell me that most teachers commented that I was quiet and asked why I wasn’t more vocal. They think it’s because I’m shy or socially inept. That’s not true. You see, I honestly don’t like talking to or with people who are obviously not going to click with what I have to say. So why waste the time?

These days it seems like EVERYONE has to be in the spotlight. You have to be number 1 to actually contribute something in this world. Awards validate you as someone worthy of attention.

That is a load of BULLSHIT.

Do you know that loud person? I’m sure you do. There’s usually one in every class, work place, or community. Their voices are louder than normal and can be found shouting most of the time. They sometimes speak over others in order to be heard despite not having anything of value to say. They project this attitude of self-importance and you better recognize it–or else! I really hate people like that. Always having to prove a point or needing to constantly boost their own egos. Showing off as if they’re a true gift to everyone on earth.

The Quiet Girl Effect is the exact opposite. Haven’t you noticed that for some reason, the people who succeed later in life usually aren’t the popular kids at school? Right now, I am far from making my dreams come true and achieving my goals. But that’s okay. I’m steadily working towards turning myself into a success story in order to share it with others and in turn help them get what they want.

Right now I’m the “quiet and nice” girl. The type of girl you’ll probably never remember because she doesn’t care to make impressions on people who won’t get what she’s trying to do. And when I do accomplish all that I set out to do, I’m still going to be the same person–just a little wiser and much, much happier. I realize that I don’t have to shove people out of the limelight in order to shine. I don’t need to be first or have the highest grades. I’m okay with being who I am because in reality, I’m not that quiet or that nice. When I’m surrounded by the right people who believe in me and bring out the best in me, I can be the loudest one in the room–but I still remember to listen and take in everyone else’s opinions and thoughts. I’m not nice–in fact I’m pretty greedy. I want it all! To become the richest person in the world and do everything I want when I want however I want with whomever I want. And anyone who gets in my way or tries to stop me will be crushed under my awesome success mobile.

The Quiet Girl Effect. It’s always the most unlikely of people who succeed beyond what is conceived to be possible. =]

These were the reactions I got when telling people that my major was ENGLISH. The rest of the world doesn’t exactly sound supportive when they peg the major and the one making the least $$$ and makes it out to be a nerdy or “useless” waste of time. Naturally, I felt embarrassed and annoyed. I started to panicking. What if I really couldn’t find a job after I graduated? How was I going to pay off my student loans? Most of my friends were on the pre-med track or math/science related. I’m disappointed to say that I fell to peer pressure and convinced myself that changing my major to Resource Economics with a concentration in Consumer and Family Economics was the best thing in the world! I even packed up my spring schedule with a bunch of pre-business courses so I could get into the Accounting Major with the maximum amount of credits a student can take (18 credits). It didn’t matter that I disliked math and wasn’t very good at it because I would be able to get a “job” after college. That is, if I even graduated on time. Ugh.

You see, it’s now a good four weeks into the semester and am falling behind in assignments and don’t go to class when I have the tiniest excuse not to go. Last semester after I got a 2.571, my motivation shot up and I was determined to get that coveted 4.0 this semester. Unfortunately at the rate I’m at right now, I’d be lucky if I got the same GPA again. Not to mention my parents are going to KILL me when they find out my first year of college I couldn’t make it into the 3-point range (I think they already expect the 4.0 will never be attainable, so they settle for a high range 3 pointer).

But today something happened. I woke up and my throat felt awful and for the entire day I just sat in bed except for the one time to go eat at the dining common for a meal. I watched a Disney movie and a bunch of youtube videos. Ten hours effectively wasted that could have been spent on studying for my Econ103 exam Wednesday. As I sat in bed and let my mind wander, I came to a really delayed realization–a good 19 years too late.

I really love reading AND writing. Ever since I learned how to read in first grade, books have been a huge part of my life. Whenever I visited the library, I checked at least 20-30 books and returned a week later. I spend insane amounts of money on books. A trip to B&N costs me at least $100, no joke. I am always thinking of stories and plots. I’m obsessed with how certain words can evoke specific emotions and think every book is just a conversation between the author and the reader. I will go back to certain pages/scenes in books to analyze how the writer was able to word something that felt so right! Plus, I wouldn’t mind reading late into the night or getting up early to write–because I love to do it. I know that I’m decent at writing and will definitely take the time to improve every chance I get. I would NEVER do this for math.

It’s so clear to me now that I want to just smack myself and shout: “WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!”

On the bright side, I know what I’m going to do. All is not lost, the classes I’m taking right now are fulfilling a General Education requirement and I’ll only have three left after this semester. One of my professors is in the English department so I can talk to her about it. I also have time on my side. . .I have three more years left. So the first round of $12,325 in loans wasn’t really wasted. Sarcasm is so cool! 8D

And for my friends, family, and general public I am going to make a bet. By the time I graduate in May 2013, I will 1) be richer than my fellow diploma-receiving-peers; 2) be the happiest I have ever been; 3) be paid for doing work I genuinely love.

P.S.

I know the world is supposed to end in 2012. . . .but let me tell you a secret. I’m graduating in 2013 because not even an apocalypse can stop me from achieving my goals. =]

** Next Post: How to tell my Korean parents that I am going into a major that most people see as anything but lucrative. And my thoughts on what my future job/career looks like!