I’ve been thinking about relationships a lot lately and have figured something out about the difference in views about relationships that poly and non-poly folks have. Through conversations with friends, colleagues, etc. I’ve noticed that what bothers a lot of people about non-monogamy is not so much the fact of there being more than one simultaneous relationship in the life of one or both partners, but the maintenance of autonomy within “the couple.”

What I mean is that there seems to be an unspoken rule in many exclusive relationships that, in exchange for the emotional security and intimacy that one receives, one must give up their individual autonomy and identity. ALL decisions, big or small, ranging from a night out with friends to whether or not to get a tattoo, must now be made by THE COUPLE: this new unit composed of two parts.

When I tell people that I date that my view of a relationship does NOT include the loss of my sovereignty over my own body and my own life, they run away screaming (metaphorically). Actually, it’s more like they back away slowly with big round eyes. When I tell them that if I ever live with someone again, we will each have our own rooms because sometimes I prefer to sleep on my own, they think I’m a freak. I also tell them that, if I’m invited to a party or any other event on a certain night, I will not call them to check if we have plans before I accept. Why? Because if WE had plans, I would know about it, right? Why would you (my hypothetical partner) make plans FOR me without consulting me? If WE are invited to a party and you are not there, I will accept for myself and tell people that I will inform you of the event and that you will be free to accept or decline, even if I know you well enough to know that you will probably accept because you love parties (ooops, almost wrote panties hehehe). And I expect you to do the same. Therefore, neither one us makes plans for the other. I call that respect of individual autonomy. Some people call it lack of respect for the unity of the couple. Go figure.

In any case, this kind of stuff is what seems to scare people away. Not so much the “simultaneous sexual and/or emotional relationships” aspect but the “maintenance of individual autonomy” aspect. Interestingly though, for me they go together. The right to establish other relationships of different natures outside of my “primary” relationship is, to me, a question of autonomy. I know that there are polyamorous people with agreements such as veto power, etc. but that kind of negotiated agreement does not indicate a loss of autonomy to me because it’s verbally laid out and negotiated whereas the clause that stipulates loss of autonomy within “(stereo)typical” monogamous arrangements is unspoken and unarticulated until broken. And even then, it’s articulated with difficulty.

So like, sometimes I want to tell you guys about a story that's, like, too nuanced and complex to distill into a cynical one-liner. And then I think "pageviews!" and just skip it. But what the hell: it's about a small polyamory convention going down somewhere in exurban Pennsylvania, and it kind of — I know, I know — made me reexamine my prejudices (?) a bit. I mean, polyamory is one of those things it's all too easy to associated with, like, free-bleeding and Xena conventions and other subcultures too dorky, too fully occupied by people who are just too completely divorced from the desire for mainstream acceptance, to really want to examine in a way deeper than "not that there's anything wrong with that," right? But the story, while rife with harmless little digs at classes with names like "Hap-poly Ever After" and "Threesome, Foursome and Moresome," actually poses a striking question: is poyamory actually maybe a utopian ideal borne of a courageously humanistic mix of selflessness and pragmatism?

Vita Arina uploaded this image to flickr, click the image and follow the link to the original page

2 times the recipe for the base and sides:

1/3 cup sifted cake flour

3 tablespoons unsifted cornstarch

4 large eggs

1 large egg yolk

1/2 cup +1 tablespoon sugar

3/4 teaspoon vanilla

1/4 teaspoon cream of tartar

3/4 jar raspberry seedless jam

For milk jelly:

2 large eggs

3 tablespoons cornstarch

1 1/2 cup milk

1/2 cup heavy cream

1/2 cup sugar

1/2 teaspoon almond extract

Pinch of salt

1 envelope (2 1/4 teaspoons) gelatin

For raspberry jelly:

~1 pound frozen raspberries, defrosted

JELLO- raspberry dessert bag

Preheat the oven to 450F.

Grease 2 17-inch by 12-inch jelly-roll pans, line the bottom with a parchment

In a small bowl whisk together the cake flour and cornstarch.

Seperate 2 of the eggs, placing the youlks in 1 large mixing bowl and the whites in another. To the yolksm add the additional yolk, the 2 remaining eggs, and 1/2 cup sugar. BEat on high speed 5 minutes or until thick, fluffy, and triple in volume. Beat in the vanilla.

Sift 1/2 the flour mixture over the egg mixture and fold it in gently with rubber spatula, repeat with reamaining flour mixture.

Beat the egg whites until foamy, add the cream of tartar, and beat until soft peaks form when the beater is raised. Beat in the remaining 1 tablespoon sugarand beat until stiff peaks form when the beater is raised.Fold the whites into the batter and pour into the on of prepared pans. Bake for 7 minutes. Cool on a rack.

Repeat the recipe for charlotte's sides.

From one biscuit cut cut 1 8-inch round, freeze the rest until next use.

Trim the edges of another biscuit, and cut it lengthwise into 4 equal rectangles.

Spread 3 of rectangles with raspberry jam. stack the layers carefully on top of one another. Place them on a baking sheet and freeze until firm.

Use a small serrated knife to cut rectangles into 3/8-inch slices.

Place outer disc of sprinform pan directly on serving plate. Fit the 8-inch biscuit disc into the bottom of the lined ring.

Ligtly oil the inside of the ring. Place the striped slices around the ring so the stripes are straight up and down. Brush 1 side of each slice with a light coating of raspberry jam before placing the next slice firmly against it.

For milk jelly in a small bowl, whisk together the eggs and cornstarch and sugar.Soften gelatin in 1/4cup milk, then add it to the egg mixture.

Bring milk over the medium fire to boil. Add it in a steady strem to egg mixture, then return it to the pan and cook the cream over medium heat whisking constantly until thick, Do Not cream boil! remove from the heat and let it cool.

Beat heavy cream intil soft peaks form and add it to the cooled jelly.

Pour jelly on the bottom of prepared cake and let it chill in the fridge.

For raspberry jelly, blend defrosted raspberries in the blender, use a fine strainer to remove all the seeds.

Prepare raspberry jelly following the directions on the package and while it still liquid, but bot hot any more, add raspberry puree.

Bettie Page and Lily St. Cyr in a Burly-Q classic! The legendary Queen of the Curves, Bettie Page, America's greatest pin-up model, stars in "Varietease," a unique peek at the wonderful world of burlesque, complete with singers, slickers, and saucy strippers! Flashing her sexy smile and gyrating in a harem girl costume, Bettie Page does her Dance of the Four Veils and easily steals the show. Another legend, the sophisticated and sparkling Lili St. Cyr, shows us just how elegant a strip tease can be. Aiding and abetting are jokester Bobby Shields, bikini-clad Chris La Chris, warblers Cass Franklin and Monica Lane, exuberant contortionist Twinnie Wallens, and "famed female impersonator" Vicky Lynn. Produced and directed by girly-pix impresario Irving Klaw (the man who photographed Bettie in bondage). (Source: Donut Media)

Rumour has it that Dimitri (Vincent Lecuyer) has a tragic past, though we haven’t heard that from him, or much else for that matter. An employee at an estate agent based in the flat greyness of Liège, Belgium, he’s a shy, retiring sort who seems generally bemused by his surroundings, his colleagues and the very possibility of romance. His neighbour Jeanne (Marie du Bled) tells her pal Cathy (Hélène de Reymaeker) that Dimitri lost his parents as a boy; Dimitri and Cathy meet under appropriately forlorn circumstances when they help a man search for his missing dog. One of Dimitri’s workmates harbours a strange fixation on pregnant women; another seems perpetually coiled in barely suppressed rage.

Slender scion of Jarmusch and Kaurismäki, ‘Ultranova’ may strain for its 83-minute run time, but its bone-dry comic setups and reticent characterisations deepen on reflection. Cornered in monotonous jobs, mired in a landscape shaped by the concrete demands of the motorway, Dimitri and company either lack affect or possess it in excess. Their heads teem with neuroses and magical thinking, as if to conjure suspense and excitement from their tract architecture and asphalt vistas: one man attributes mystical significance to his car’s faulty air bag; a young woman slashes the palm of her hand to alter her lifeline. Also a painter and actor (he had a small role in last year's mordant comedy ‘Aaltra’), first-time feature director Bouli Lanners refuses to dig for the wellhead of his characters’ pain or, for the most part, to resolve conflicts once they’re raised; perhaps that task is up to us, or just as likely, up to the stars. (Source: Time Out London)

Damiel (Bruno Ganz) and Cassiel (Otto Sander) are angels who watch over the city of Berlin. They don't have harps or wings (well, they usually don't have wings) and they prefer overcoats to gossamer gowns. But they can travel unseen through the city, listening to people's thoughts, watching their actions and studying their lives. While they can make their presence felt in small ways, only children and other angels can see them. They spend their days serenely observing, unable to interact with people, and they feel neither pain nor joy. One day, Damiel finds his way into a circus and sees Marion (Solveig Dommartin), a high-wire artist, practicing her act; he is immediately smitten. After the owners of the circus tell the company that the show is out of money and must disband, Marion sinks into a funk, shuffling back to her trailer to ponder what to do next. As he watches her, Damiel makes a decision: he wants to be human, and he wants to be with Marion, to lift her spirits and, if need be, to share her pain. Wim Wenders' Wings of Desire is a remarkable modern fairy tale about the nature of being alive. The angels witness the gamut of human emotions, and they experience the luxury of simple pleasures (even a cup of coffee and a cigarette) as ones who've never known them. From the angels' viewpoint, Berlin is seen in gorgeous black-and-white — strikingly beautiful but unreal; when they join the humans, the image shifts to rough but natural-looking color, and the waltz-like grace of the angels' drift through the city changes to a harsher rhythm. Peter Falk appears as himself, revealing a secret that we may not have known about the man who played Columbo, and there's also a brief but powerful appearance by Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds. Wings of Desire hinges on the intangible and elusive, and it builds something beautiful from those qualities. (Source: All Movie Guide)