Spanks, gematria and no big deal

Let our Hit List guide your nighttime activities

Starting a story with “According to” is lame. It’s almost as bad as using Wikipedia as a source. That said, according to Wikipedia, the word “gematria” means “a system of assigning numerical value to a word or phrase in the belief that words or phrases with identical numerical values bear some relation to each other.” I’ll be using gematria in these nightlife picks, which I based on coolness level or the ability for me to make fun of them.

First up is Le Spank, happening at The Office (3936 30th St. in North Park) on Thursday, Aug. 16. Special-guest DJs Social Disco Club, together with resident mix masters, blast deep house and party jam. Go to the bar for all-night $5 shots and beer to numb your body, because there will surely be a few people there who’ll take the event’s name literally. In gematria, this is a 7, since there’s also live art by The Infusion Project.

Next up is Gematria at Kava Lounge (2812 Kettner Blvd. in Middletown) on Friday, Aug. 17. It’s how I learned the word “gematria,” so that earns it points. Psychopop, Mr. IMD and resident DJs will play cumbia, tropical bass and “funky muzik,” which I’m guessing is funky music. That means it’s butt-shaking time. Just when I thought this would get a 7, I saw that Marsicos German taco trunk will be parked outside. That bumps it to an 8.

On Monday, Aug. 20, El Dorado (1030 Broadway, Downtown) will swoop in for the gematria win with #NBD. El-D is hashtagging this night as “no big deal,” but it kind of is a big deal, because bartenders from Noble Experiment will make classic cocktails like Midori Sours and Duck Farts (wait, what?). The musical atmosphere to this shindig is a playlist of “’80s butt rock” and ’90s-to-the-present “crap-rap.” The minimal frills and use of butt rock earns this a 9.