December 30, 2016

Brandon got to see Santa this year! Thanks to a local therapy group (which we don't even use) Brandon was able to see Santa in a sensory-friendly, wait-free environment, not to mention cost-free, environment. I will always treasure this moment of Brandon playing with Santa's beard. This is an experience we would have missed out on if it weren't for people in our community volunteering their time to create special moments that special needs families so often miss out on.

My son, Brandon, is five and has autism. He is not interested in toys that typical five-year-olds love. He spends a lot of time walking on the edges of the couch, jumping on his mini trampoline, and standing in the window sill. We converted our office into a sensory room for him. We got lucky because we were able to use use the money we made selling our beautiful office furniture to help fund the room. We also use the sensory room for Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) Therapy. We put this together little by little, as we figured out what would be best to go in there.

First, I know a T.V. is not something you would typically find in a sensory room, but we play YouTube videos of aquariums, and he enjoys watching his favorite movies in there. My thought is that if it will calm him down and make him happy, it's okay for the sensory room. It doesn't really matter what is "supposed" to be in a sensory room. All that matters is what helps Brandon calm his body down. However, we have to be careful because T.V. can have the opposite effect and be overstimulating, causing meltdowns. It is rare for Brandon, but something we need to be conscious of.The Joki swing is his favorite thing. We initially had it it on a swing stand. It worked very well at first because we didn't have this sensory room set up and we put it in our dining room. It was convenient to be able to move it around when we needed to. When we moved it over to the sensory room it actually tipped over and thankfully I was there to catch it! We ended up mounting it to the ceiling with some tools from Home Depot. We bought a covered chain so we can raise it as he grows. It's not pictured here, but we also put an old exercise mat against the wall so we can push off the wall more comfortably.The ball pit is the same one we have in the sensory room at my church. Brandon is obsessed with it. But, I didn't want him by himself (with his adult buddy) in the sensory room, away from his typically developing peers just because he wanted to be in that ball pit. Santa brought him this ball pit for Christmas this year, which he got from Fun and Function. Their customer service is superb! I ordered the crush proof balls from Amazon because they were on sale for around $35.A mini trampoline can be found at most retailers. It's a must for my sensory seeking little monkey, and we've had it for years! Most autism families I know have one of these somewhere in their homes.The bubble tube was the most expensive part of this room. My mom went halvsies with me on it. It's called the "Budget Bubble Tube" from specialneedstoys.com/usa. We actually purchased it through a local shop who order from Special Needs Toys.We use the table for therapy sessions, which we got at a garage sale for five bucks. The curtains were only a couple dollars at Goodwill. The Pea Pod was something we bought from another special needs family who didn't need it anymore. With as much as everything else costs, it feels good to say I got a good deal on some of these things...even if they are smaller items!The Balance Stones are one of my favorite things in the room. They can be found various places online. We got them from Therapy in a Bin. Brandon walks on them bare foot, which makes me cringe.

Finally, the Truffula trees from one of Brandon's favorite movies, The Lorax, are vinyls which came from a shop on Etsy.com.

August 21, 2016

Brandon turned five yesterday! We celebrated by going to Special Needs Day at the fair. We joked that they threw a fair just for his birthday! My sister's birthday is on July 4th, and for the longest time she believed that every year the fireworks we went and watched at the lake were for her birthday!We went to the fair last year and we had a great time. We had no major meltdowns last year, but he did have trouble waiting in line and having to get off the rides when they stopped. Since then we have been toDollywoodandDisney World,so going to the fair this year was not nerve-wracking. He knows the theme-park drill for the most part.I'm in awe of Brandon's progression in the last year. It still feels slow moving, and while annual events can be a heartbreaking reminder, they can also help to keep that progress in perspective.This year the lines were shorter, but he stood an waited his turn with no issue. We walked around the fair and Brandon barely needed the stroller. The deal with the stroller is not so much that he gets tired of walking, but it's a secure place he can be buckled in when he is feeling overwhelmed by his surroundings. He will go to the stroller or "ask" to be picked up by putting his arms up and climbing up my body like I'm a tree. He does this in a panicky way, almost like he is scared or very nervous. When we were walking around, there were large chunks of time where I didn't even hold his hand. He walked by my side, and once when he start to gallop off instead of running after him (which is my usual reaction) I just said, "Stop!" And guess what...he ACTUALLY STOPPED! And he stood and waited for me to catch up to him.I even let Brandon go on some rides with his cousin who is typically developing and about a year older than Brandon. There were some rides that were for children only - moms and dads were not allowed on. Last year I would have said, "Hell no he cannot go on a ride without one of us." If he wanted off that ride while it was in mid-swing, he could just jump right out if he really wanted to. This year I trusted his understanding to stay on the ride. There was just one kiddie roller coaster that I said he couldn't go on again without me because I thought I was going to throw up, I was so nervous that he would jump out. Right before it took off, I told my nephew that if Brandon was trying to get out to hold his arm as tight as he could...even if it hurt him. That is WAY too much pressure to put on a little kid. Mommy/aunt mistake, there. I was a nervous wreck on that one! The rest of the rides were so tame that I wasn't worried.

This is the ride I'm talking about. See how the bar doesn't go down on their laps? There was a seatbelt...but still. If Brandon really wanted to, he could unbuckle that seatbelt and hop out. I know I sound paranoid. But when you have a five-year-old child who is so developmentally delayed, you can't assume that reasoning is there...especially if he is in panic mode.

July 29, 2016

I went to the grocery store this evening. It was one of those trips without a shopping list, so I was walking up and down the aisles of Publix getting things I forgot the first time I went down that aisle. I finally got everything I needed, and of course I picked the line with the coupon issues. Brandon made a ton of noise and some of his quirky body movements as we waited our turn. He was happy though, and that's all I can ask for in that situation.As the cashier was ringing me out, the bagger asked Brandon if he would like a sticker. Brandon isn't able to respond to something like that, so I helped him out. I said, "He would love a sticker." The bagger looked a little puzzled, so I explained that Brandon has autism, and he isn't able to speak well enough to tell you that we would like one. I know he would love one though. I then realized his puzzled look was actually that he was looking for the stickers. He replied, "I'm sorry." So I said brightly, "Oh, are you out of stickers?" He said "No, they're right here." My face fell as it hit me that he was saying he was sorry that my son has autism.I could have gone off on him. I wanted to. I could have shamed him by saying, "I'm not sorry about my son. Don't say you're sorry. My son is fearfully and wonderfully made, and my son is nothing to apologize for."But I didn't.I just smiled and said thank you for the sticker.He asked if I would like help out to my car, and I told him I would. He then asked me if my son would be okay with him pushing the cart. It was very thoughtful of him to consider that it might upset him. I told him that he would be fine, and that I appreciated him considering that. I started thinking I was kind of glad I didn't go off on him. Walking out to the car, this bagger told my son to steer him in the right direction of the car. (We were in one of those kid's car carts.) As he put everything in my trunk, I started buckling Brandon in his carseat. Brandon was already in the car, and couldn't really see him anymore, but the young man called out, "Bye Brandon!" with a huge grin on his face and his hand waving in the air.My head darted up in surprise, and I smiled at him as he walked the cart back into the store. My eyes immediately welled up with tears at this awkward goodbye from this grocery store bagger who had just hurt my feelings minutes before.Consider this. If I had attacked this young man for his "I'm sorry" comment, it is clear that it would have crushed him. He would have gone home tonight feeling awful, and would probably vow to himself to shy away from any other autism families he meets. For nothing could feel worse than upsetting a mother like that, and he wouldn't want to get publicly shamed again. Many special needs parents get their feelings hurt and are quick to blast someone for a thoughtless comment. (And I am not talking about those cruel people who have deliberate unkind things to say. Those people are a totally different story...I'll go off on those folks all day long.) The other thing we do is not say something, and then lay awake half the night seething about the comment, and what we wish we had said. Before your child had autism, did you know the perfect thing to say to a special needs parent? I'm sure you didn't. To be perfectly honest, I still don't. I have several friends who have children with special needs, and since children are so different (especially those with autism), I'm sure I have said the wrong things. My closest friends and even my own family have hurt my feelings with comments they have made. We need to have grace with people we come across so we can educate them as best we can in those fleeting moments. This young man at Publix didn't know what to say. He said the wrong thing, and it's very likely he had no idea that he had done so. Giving him grace in that moment allowed me to see what a kind heart he had, and the effort he made to connect with this little boy he just met.

July 28, 2016

Several months ago, James (my husband) and I went to an aggressive behavior workshop. Brandon was becoming more and more aggressive. He would bite, hit, and kick adults and himself. He never became aggressive towards other children, which I am thankful for. He would become frustrated, and take it out on himself, his parents, or teachers. Sometimes he would meltdown for what seemed like no reason. It's not like I can pinpoint the exact trigger for every single meltdown, but typically I can determine what likely set him off. At this workshop, the psychologist brought up seizure activity - not in relation to our specific issues, but as a part of the workshop. It got me wondering...could theses seemingly sporadic meltdowns be something more? I didn't think so, but as time went on I just kept thinking, "What if?" What if there was seizure activity going on and we don't get it checked out. What if we find out five years from now that he was having seizures that were delaying his development, and we didn't do anything about it. That was enough to schedule the appointment for an EEG.I think that is a fear for a lot of autism parents. We are constantly wondering if we are doing the right thing by our child. I know all parents wonder that. But I'm talking about making decisions that can drastically impact his quality of life, especially considering that all the research shows that early intervention is key.These are the kings of things that rattle around in my brain while I'm trying to fall asleep: He starts Kindergarten in one year. Is public school good enough? Well, I mean, of course it is...at least where he would go. I teach in a public school, and it is wonderful. Should I push for him to be in a general education classroom? Should he have a one-on-one aid as part of his supplemental ads and services to get him in the least restrictive environment? But what if pushing for him to be in a gen. ed. class is actually more restrictive for him? What if an aid is more restrictive? What if kids make fun of him? What if he can't defend himself. Okay, what about private school? He would get a lot more one-on-one attention from his teacher. Are there even any private schools around here that can accommodate a "not functional verbal" child with autism? Is he even considered low functioning? I mean, he is smart, but he still isn't talking... Okay, there is a private school for special needs. I'm still running into the same issues in my head...is he "high functioning" enough to go there? It's fancy. It's too far away to drive there every day. We would definitely have to move. Is this the best speech therapist for him? The best occupational therapist? The behavioral therapist? I should have gone private with speech earlier. Is it really the best thing for him to have his mom working full time? Am I too hard on him? Am I too easy on him? Do I give him enough attention at home? If I tried harder, maybe he would be progressing more.I know I am a good mom, but I'm certainly not perfect. It's just that right now we're sitting in this limbo, where we don't know what is going to happen. Brandon will be five in a few weeks. He has the chance to fall anywhere in this range from being non-verbal to becoming completely verbal. We've been waiting for three years, wondering every single day how he will progress with his speech. All we can do is sit here and wait, and trust in God's plan for us and for Brandon.So, the EEG itself took about 30 minutes, and it came back normal. We talked to the pediatric neurologist in depth before the EEG so he could understand what we were seeing with Brandon. We have to keep an eye on these seemingly untriggered meltdowns, but we think, and the doctor agrees, that it's rooted in behavior.

July 26, 2016

I inherited this old, ugly, scratch, dented, written-on-in-sharpie, filing cabinet. I am not really big on filing cabinets because I keep everything saved on my computer. However, I have several word sorts, experiential learning items, and other reusable things I have made, and I need a place to store them!1) Prepare the CabinetWipe down the filing cabinet with a disinfecting wipe or wet paper towel to get all of the dust off. There is no need to sand it. Tape any parts of the cabinet with painters tape that you don't want paint to get on. In my case it was the keyhole. I always paint outside so I have the best ventilation possible, however, I do not recommend painting outside if it's cold. The paint tends to shrivel up in really cold temperatures.2) Remove the HardwareTake each drawer out and remove all the hardware. On this cabinet, there is a panel on the back of each drawer face. It easily popped off, revealing the bolts you need to remove to take off the hardware. You will nee a socket wrench or adjustable wrench to get these bolts off. Don't let this part freak you out. As long as you have the right tools, it's very easy. If you have let that part freak you out, take a picture of it, go to a hardware store, and ask an associate what you need to get it off. To take off the label frame, just use a pair of pliers to bend the metal slightly (not too hard or you might break it) and slide it out.3) PrimeYou need to prime the cabinet. You need to get a white paint and primer, found with all the other spray paint. I did two coats on this filing cabinet so the blue paint would look even. Don't forget to prime all parts of the filing cabinet that can be seen...including the edges between the drawers. I typically buy my spray paint at Walmart. The price is low and they have a huge selection. I prefer to use the brand Krylon because it is less messy. Other brands have a lot of excess spray that gets all over your hands, feet, and floor.4) Paint!After you let the primer dry for about 15 minutes between coats, you can start spraying with your color. I did two full coats on this filing cabinet, allowing about an hour of drying time in between. I touched it up a little after that second coat, so more like two-and-a-half coats. I used a little less than three cans. Allowing it to dry is important so you can see how evenly the paint is on there.5) Allow for Dry TimeThis is very important, and can feel like the hardest part! You want to get your finished product all set up, but it's important to let the paint dry completely. Any time I paint something, I like to let it sit for a couple days before I mess with it...especially before I set anything on top of it. You should be safe to put the drawers in after a couple hours, though.Other tips I've picked up along the way:- Use a painter's mask to keep from breathing in paint- Shake the cans very well before spraying- Use a cardboard moving box to put under the cabinet. It makes it easy to turn your cabinet around if you need a different angle of light or to spray with the wind rather than against it- When opening a new can, spray the first spray out on the cardboard to make sure there is a good flow of paint- I always start with a side that won't be seen. For example, with this I started with the backside. It takes me a minute to get into a good rhythm of spraying, so I like to start out with a side I don't care as much about.

I made some labels on Word to add some extra cuteness to my filing cabinet!

This is the color I used for this cabinet. It's Krylon Blue Ocean Breeze.

These are my other favorite spray painting colors that I've used in my classroom. :)

July 5, 2016

We went to Disney! This was my very first time! We decided to go for just one day and go to Magic Kingdom. By the end of the day, I couldn't imagine waking up the next day and doing it all over again. It was mentally and physically exhausting...but so worth it! We went to Magic Kingdom for the day, then headed to the beach for the rest of the week. Going to Disney the first day rather than after the time at the beach was important. Being off routine for that long is draining for anyone, but for someone with autism it can be devastating.I have a pretty cool network of special needs moms. I belong to a local Facebook group that I was able to reach out to for some tips for taking my autistic son to Disney. There is also a Facebook group called Tips for Special Needs at Disney full of useful tips from special needs families.Before I begin with my own tips, here's Disney's official guide for Services for Guests with Cognitive Disability, including Autism Spectrum as well as the official information about the Disability Access Service Card.https://disneyworld.disney.go.com/guest-services/cognitive-disabilities-services/

Tickets, FastPass+, and DAS CardWe did not stay at a Disney Resort, so we did not have the Magic Bands. I would love to do that next time though! We purchased tickets online, which are like little credit cards or room keys. You can purchase tickets in advance and have them mailed to you at no charge (as long as you order with enough time for the shipping). Download the My Disney Experience app and assign a ticket to each member of your family. You need this app! Plus it's free! You can plan your whole trip by reserving your FastPass+ options, make dining reservations, look up wait times for rides, and more. The My Disney Experience app will keep track of everything you signed up for. I got confused a couple times and couldn't remember what we were doing and whether it was FastPass+ or DAS. Thankfully, it was all right there!You get three FastPass+ experiences for each ticket. This comes at no extra cost, which I thought was pretty awesome! You can choose these FastPass+ experiences in advance and you have to get to that ride within a one hour window that you signed up for. This is different than the Disability Access Services (DAS) Card and they can be used simultaneously. The DAS card will be tied to the persons ticket/card who has the disability. Write names in sharpie on each card. When you enter the park, make sure each person has their own ticket (you've already assigned them in the app) because they will take your finger print. This is only really important if you want to re-enter the park later. You need this ticket/card to ride each ride. The ticket for the person with the disability is really important to have the name on because when enter a ride using the DAS pass/card you will have to swipe that card first. They do that because the person with the disability has to be on the ride for you to use the pass (makes sense). You don't want to be fumbling through all the cards to see which one works when there is a line of impatient people behind you! To get the DAS pass/card you just go to Guest Services and they set it up for you on the card you already have. You can't set up DAS before you get to the park. The guy who helped us was extremely friendly. We did not have to show a doctor's note or diagnosis paperwork. He also set up our first DAS experience without us having to go to the ride itself. Let me explain...Okay, here is how the FastPass+ and the DAS pass can work together. I signed up for the three FastPass+ Experiences for my whole family using that My Disney Experience App. You can do this up to 30 days in advance. There were nine of us total. I did Splash Mountain, Pirates of the Caribbean, and the Haunted Mansion. I spaced them out throughout the day. When we got to the park the guy at Guest Services made my son with autism, Brandon's, card the DAS card. He signed us up for the 7 Dwarfs Mine Train, at my request, and gave us the run down of how the card works. The DAS Card essentially does this: You go to a ride and tell the person at the gate that you have the Disability Access Service Card and that you need to sign up for the ride. If the wait time is, say, currently 60 minutes, it essentially "holds your place in line" so that you can just come back in 60 minutes (or ANY time after 60 minutes so don't worry about dragging your kid up there to be on time if you're mid-meltdown) and do something else while you wait, versus standing in that line. But don't forget that it just for DAS...if you're using the FastPass+ you have to be there in the one hour window. Keep track of it in the My Disney Experience app. You can eat, use the restroom, go hit up some shade, go do one of your FastPass+ rides you singed up for, etc. When you come back, you just go straight to the FastPass+ line like you would with your regular FastPass+ experience. Your DAS Card sign up CAN overlap with FastPass+ so be strategic. Also, anyone in your party can sign you up for the DAS Pass experience. You just have to have the person with he disability with you when you ride the ride. For example, my Dad did not want to ride the 7 Dwarfs Mine Train with us (because it scared him...seriously...what a baby!) so he went and signed all nine of us up with his own card as soon as we entered the 7 Dwarfs Mine Train ride. You cannot be signed up for two DAS experiences at the same time. You cannot sign up for the next one until you have already used the one you are currently signed up for. So my dad had to wait until my son's was scanned to go in before signing up for the other one.You can click here for the information straight from Disney about the DAS Pass. I thought I understood it all before going, but when I got there I realized I didn't. It wasn't hard to figure out how to use both the FastPass+ and DAS pass together in the most effective way, but I hope that my "ramblings" above will help make it easier to understand before the actual trip. Another thing you can do to help with the waiting, is Rider Switch:As per Disney's website, "If a child does not meet the height requirement or a Guest does not wish to board a particular attraction, no problem! With Rider Switch, one adult can wait with the non-rider (or riders) while the rest of the party enjoys the attraction. When the other adult returns, they can supervise the non-riding Guests, and the waiting adult can board the attraction without having to wait in the regular line again!" We did not utilize this, but I chatted with a lady in line about it. She was using it because they had an infant with them, so it's not just for special needs situations. You can read more about it here:https://disneyworld.disney.go.com/guest-services/rider-switch/

Getting ThereWe went in late June. This is a peak time to go, so the time we went was one of the busiest. I have never been to Disney World, so I don't have anything to compare it to as far as how crowded it was. I hope I can go during an off-peak season next time so I can see the difference. We didn't get to Magic Kingdom until 10:00 a.m., even though it opens at 8:00 a.m. and there was very little waiting to get in. I imagine that if you get there right when it opens there is a lot of waiting to get in. We rode a little tram from the parking lot ($20 to park) up to Magic Kingdom, then rode a monorail to the entrance of the park. There was very little waiting for either of these. As far as entering the park, there was literally no wait there either. We just walked right in with our tickets. Now, I had no idea about the finger printing thing, so I handed him all our tickets at once and it was pretty much a hot mess. The guy was nice about it though. I also got pulled for a random security check. I had my sister hold my almost five-year-old autistic son's hand while I walked through. He got a little nervous (and I should have anticipated that) but it didn't take long at all (I just walked through a metal detector), so thankfully I got back to him before he had time to get upset. Also, they do check bags before you walk though. I handed our bag to my husband and walked in with my son so he wouldn't have to wait. On a side note...my Kavu bag was perfect for Disney and for keeping with me on all the rides! I highly recommend one of those! It was much easier to ride with than a backpack would have been because I could just twist it around to my side or front when we sat down. As soon as you get there you should go to Guest Relations to set up your DAS card.StrollersYou can rent strollers at Disney. We got a double stroller for the day for $30. There is a seatbelt on it. It's plastic and it will get hot while it's sitting outside and you're on the rides. If you park it in the shade, there is a good chance it will be moved by a Disney cast member who organizes the strollers and the stroller could end up in the sun. There is also no shade provided by the stroller. The cover that is supposed to provide shade is bent from people putting their stuff on it and provides zero shade. (This is what one of the cast members told me when I was asking her about why it wasn't pulling out enough for shade.) Thankfully my son was in the mood to wear his hat, which is not always the case. We even went back to get a different stroller and they are all like that! It is also hard to see your child while you are pushing the stroller because of this "shade cover." Notice I used quotes on that. I was paranoid that my son would unbuckle himself and run off, so that was a little stressful, but overall the stroller worked.Next time we will likely bring our own stroller or rent one from outside the park. When we left instead of taking a trolley back to the parking lot, we had to take a giant ferry boat. It was the only option. I asked. We didn't have a stroller because we had to turn it in before leaving, so we had to make sure my son wasn't running around all over the place. Thankfully he was too tired and hot to do any running around and he just sat there!Safety: Identification StickerI made his sticker to put on my son's back any time we're at a busy place where there are a lot of people and he has the potential to get lost. A lot of people notice it and read it when we're around in public, so maybe we're spreading a little awareness too! Here is a link to it for free for you :) It is editable, and you just print it on large address labels. Take a few because it may get wet! My son is not functionally verbal (essentially nonverbal) and cannot give someone our names or his own name, let alone phone number. He probably wouldn't even know he was lost for quite some time! ***PLEASE NOTE: You may want to consider removing the “my name is” part if your child might leave somewhere with a stranger that knows his/her name.

Items to BringThese are the items I will be sure to have with me on our next trip:

Froggs Toggs Chilly Pads to keep us cool

Yeti or Swell bottle thermos to keep our water cold. The water gets warm so quickly in that heat, and no offense to Disney, but the water tastes like there is dirt in it!

Wear tennis shoes, but take a spare pair of flip flops

Change of clothes for my son, who cannot stand wearing wet clothes

Hat for my son (silly me forgot, and we had to buy one)

Kavu backpack for our stuff

One of those fans that squirts out water

Snacks (I packed a lunch this time for my son because of his picky eating...don't risk hunger crankiness!)

June 15, 2016

As a wrote in my plea for an autism service dog for Brandon, taking him in public areas has the potential for danger. Even walking out of my house required a death grip on his hand on the way to the car. I couldn't trust him to take even ten steps to the car without bolting. He would run to the back yard, the road, or anywhere else he wanted. I remember even as early as one year ago trying to get him to practice walking beside me when we were walking to the pool. There was never anyone else or any other cars in sight, so it was the perfect place to try.We had very little success. He would run off each time. I'm not just talking about running ahead of me to the pool gate. I'm talking attempting to run into lots where there was construction going on, into the road, and around the parking lot. I am happy to say that after over a year of practicing this any time we could, Brandon will now exit the house, walk to the car, and wait in front of his door with zero assistance or prompting from me. Now, I still hold his hand in parking lots, or anywhere there is the potential for a moving vehicle. But do you have any idea how much less stressful both mentally and physically it is that he can walk to the car on his own? I no longer have to walk back in the house to get all our stuff after he is safely strapped down in his car seat. I can carry everything out, put it in the car, and all the while he is standing there waiting for me to open the door and put him in his car seat.So simple.But so life changing.Do I take my eyes off of him? No. Am I prepared to drop everything and run after him if necessary? Yes. He is only 4, after all. But it is still a huge deal for both of us.My hope is that this is also helping to foster more independence from him. He can make good choices without me having to prompt him. He is capable. We just have to keep working so he can be his best self.

May 10, 2016

Brandon and I spent Mother's Day together. My husband and step-daughter were out of town. It start off as a pretty rough day. Brandon had continuous meltdowns...kicking and screaming. I left the house for my mom's 45 minutes late, which is rare for me, even having a child with autism to get out the door.We hung out at the pool, and I had about 15 solid minutes to sit down and relax. Brandon was over it, and walked around the large backyard. There are several trees, hills, and lots of space to run around. He can spend hours out there. The whole backyard is fenced in, and surrounded by trees and bushes. There is a creek on the outside of the fence, making the soothing sound of running water that he seems to enjoy.I was sitting on the hill, watching him play. Even though the yard is fenced in, I watch him like a hawk, because I am paranoid that if there is a hole in the fence somewhere, he will find it.Suddenly, I could hear my five-year-old nephew screaming. He began sobbing because a bee was "chasing" him. I ran over to the gate to the pool, swung it open, and told him to run to me. He jumped in my arms and we ran away from the pool. He calmed down almost immediately, and told me thank you for saving him.I looked up for Brandon.I couldn't see him.Still holding him, I told my nephew, Karson, "We're going to walk down here so I can see Brandon, okay?"I still didn't see him.I called out his name and looked around.Nothing...I put Karson down and started running towards the fence.I heard crying. My eyes darted back and forth, following the sound. I could not see him anywhere. I started screaming his name, and my mom and dad came running down.All I could picture was him laying in the creek with a broken leg.My mom kept telling me the crying was coming from the neighbor's. I couldn't think straight. He was nowhere. I spun around scanning the yard, holding my head thinking, "This is not happening." I felt like my mind was spinning in circles. People say that a traumatic event like this feel like slow motion. It was the opposite for me.Finally, I saw him standing on top of the hill at the gate by the pool on the opposite side.He was totally fine, just looking at the pool through the gate.I ran up to him. Crying, I scooped him up. He was safe. I set him down, and suddenly I couldn't breathe. I was gasping for air. My chest was tight - something I had never experienced before. All I could think was, "I can't breathe. Breathe, Rachael. Breathe." I sucked in all the air I could, but it just wasn't enough. After what felt like an hour of gasping for air, I finally caught may breath. My chest still felt tight for the next hour.It took me about 15 seconds to turn my back and get Karson. 15 seconds was all it took for my world to seemingly come crashing down around me.People, sometimes even family, cannot understand why I don't want to take Brandon certain places. "He'll do fine!" is what I constantly hear. Or why I always designate one single person to be in charge of Brandon if I leave the room.It seems silly to be so adamant that someone is watching him while I simply use the restroom. It's a constant stress and worry that I have to be on top of. What happened on Mother's Day is what I dread. It is my ultimate fear.If only...If only he could talk...If only he would respond to his name when I call...If only he understood the kind of danger he can put himself in...If only he understood that his mother worries...These are things I'm still waiting on, not because I am in impatient person, but because sometimes his autism puts him at risk for danger.

May 8, 2016

Use this activity to create a sense of community and a culture of kindness in your classroom. Give your students their own "buckets" to fill with kindness!This community building activity is based off of the book, Have You Filled A Bucket Today?: A Guide to Daily Happiness for Kids by Carol McCloud. It's all about how you should treat others, and the consequences for your words and actions towards others - both good and bad.Click here for the graphics in my Teachers Pay Teachers Store! This listing is for the letters for "BUCKET" and "FILLERS" for your bulletin board.I used clear plastic cups as buckets, using a push pin to attach them to the bulletin board. They're not shown in the picture, but I printed each student's name out on a label and just stuck it to the cup. Don't forget to make one for yourself! I also used push pins to hold the book up on the bulletin board. I put one on the top and bottom of the book (without actually piercing the book) in order to hold it put there without damaging it. You can also cut up bulletin board border and just drop it inside the bucket to add some cuteness. :)

The children fill each others buckets by writing kind notes to each other throughout the day. We had a new student the year, and without me saying a word about it, my students had filled her bucket by the end of the day. Think about the fears of little girl entering a brand new school, where she doesn't know a soul. Imagine how those fear were eased after receiving a handful of kind notes from her brand new classmates. Like I said, I did not tell them to do that. They did it all on their own. Needless to say, this strategy works! I took it down in December. Halfway through the year after they had become very comfortable with each other, they started to just write random notes to each other. I think the novelty of the physical wore off (but not the kindess!), and it was time to move on to something else.

This is my favorite note I have gotten in my own bucket. (Yes, I have one too!)

May 1, 2016

I'm reading a new book, and so far I like it, and I appreciate the awareness it brings to high functioning autism.

However...

This quote annoyed me.

"I've met so many parents of the kids who are on the low end of the autism spectrum, kids who are diametrically opposed to Jacob, with his Asperger's. They tell me I'm lucky to have a son who's verbal, who is blisteringly intelligent, who can take apart the broken microwave and have it working again an hour later. They think there is no greater hell than having a son who is locked in his own world, unaware that there's a wider one to explore. But try having a son who is locked in his own world and still wants to make a connection. A son who tries to be like everyone else but truly doesn't know how."

Okay. Just because a child is nonverbal, does not mean he or she does not want to make a connection. That thought is a huge myth and misconception of autism. It pains me to hear someone even suggest that they don't.

My son is low functioning and essentially nonverbal. He wants so badly to make a connection that he will physically hurt himself, or me, due to such intense frustration from not being able to communicate. Just today, he clawed at MY face because he hurt HIS foot. His intention was not to harm me because he was mad at me. He doesn't know how to express what he's feeling so he lashed out in an inappropriate way.Maybe I am being over sensitive here. I don't think so...but you know what? That's parenting. I have stuck my foot in my mouth on this very blog. I don't believe this author to be ill intentioned. I did some research, and as a far as I can tell, she doesn't have a son with autism. I am going to continue to read this book because I think it will be good one. I wish that quote wasn't said, but more than anything I hope you are reading this post and understand where I'm coming from. To the point of the author, parents of low functioning children should not tell another mother that she is "lucky" because of the characteristics of her son with high functioning autism has. No person, fellow autism parent or not, should pass judgement on the level of luck or hell we have with our autistic children.Regrettably, I will admit that I have looked at other autism families and thought, "I WISH those were the extent of our struggles." Some days, like when Brandon hurts me due to his lack of ability communicate, it is hard not to compare. But it's not right. As I go further into this journey, I realize more and more that there are so many struggles on all parts of the spectrum that we will never see.The real truth is that there is no greater hell than seeing your children or a loved one suffer in any way. Let's not compare battle scars here. We special needs parents are licking our wounds - sometimes emotional and sometimes physical. It's not about who has it harder...who is the luckiest or who is in the greatest hell.