An Invitation From Fear

Happiest day beautiful hearts! In the midst of saying a hearty YES to living, we are bound to meet mountaintops of uncertainties, pockets of prejudices, and blustery emotions throughout our journey. We are after all human. We can view our lives through the lens of fear, or the lens of love.

I think it equally important to honor and acknowledge those moments of life when it does feel scary and primal to move forward. What do you think? Perhaps it is in this acknowledgement that we diffuse and create connection. Perhaps in these moments we touch our fears and make space for them.

I am reminded of this interplay between love and fear as I remember an invitation to go on a trail ride with a dear Yoga teacher and friend, Uma.

As we approached the horse ranch, I could feel the twinges of fear dancing with excitement in my chest. Beneath my heart I felt the flutter of butterflies mixing with this novice dance partner. My breathing became shallow and I melted into a hamster wheel of thoughts.

As Uma and I walked toward the pasture, I noticed the magnificence of the horses as they grazed in the fields. I felt the cool breeze rustling up the dualities of love and fear that were both alive and well within me. I noticed how I pinned my own ears back, scanning the wind for hidden sounds. Do you notice yourself listening for the subtle tones of fear and love in your life?

As I stood in the vastness of the spacious field, what was I so afraid of? I felt my fear in full arousal mode as I watched the trail riders appear from the clearing. I hopped up onto Savannah and felt myself freezing into her saddle. My body that had so willingly practiced Yoga just hours before became immobile. We walked several circles around the ring so I could learn the literal ropes of riding a horse.

I experienced the engagement of my fear on Savannah, and try as I might, I could only remain present to the feelings of fight and flight as they coursed through my system. Rigid. Careful. Cautious. Riding Savannah had been an interesting experience to observe myself. Holy wow! Tense. Untrusting. Frozen. That had been me only an hour before.

The next day Uma and I had a session together. Instead of talking about the mechanics of my Yoga practice, she talked to me about the mechanics of my fear.

“Sarah, you could’ve sat out the trail ride yesterday, but there was some part of you that didn’t. What is that part? Don’t rationalize it, don’t justify it. Just own it!”

I felt the rawness of emotions bubbling up behind my eyes. I shook my head as the tears rushed in like rain. All I could muster was, “I don’t know?”

“Bravery, Courage, Fearlessness, and Unconcern mama! That’s what showed up when you decided to go on the trail ride. Even if you felt yourself in fear mode, the courageous part of you embraced that and showed up anyways.”

Whether we ride a horse, jump out of a plane, raise a family, change careers, start a new relationship, move, etc., we are constantly called to notice our relationship to fear and love. Fear and love are always informing us of our progress!

With fierce kindness and love, Uma spoke directly to my heart, “Your homework Capricorn is to do one thing everyday that scares you!”

My homework for you, dear readers, is to share your stories below. At CCP, we welcome your real-life accounts of living because they serve as a springboard of inspiration for our community. Share your fears. Honor the spaces between. Choose Fierceness!