Greenpeace spokesperson Wendy Albright explaining how the group now opposes everything, including the use of color.

“It’s all bad, it all needs to stop,” said a Greenpeace spokesperson, who added the group will no longer send out action alerts calling for opposition to specific issues, but will instead issue daily alerts to all members that read, “No” in 37 different languages.

The new directive took effect immediately after midnight, as the famous Greenpeace ship Rainbow Warrior was ordered to oppose the first thing available, which turned out to be Barbados.

“Stupid Barbados. You must be stopped!” yelled wild-eyed Rainbow Warrior captain Niels Sturngen as he drove the bow directly into what turned out to be a beach. “Surrender,” Sturngen added.

At a press conference late this morning, Greenpeace spokesperson Wendy Albright explained the group’s new stance and fielded questions from reporters.