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Five Minutes

Think of a witty title for a blog post
Watch 30 seconds of NBA Basketball
Make popcorn and start a movie
Take a shower
Drive to the mall
Plan the next 18 years of your life

Yes, you read that last one correctly! We could get the call from our agency and have five minutes to decide if we want to be parents. Oh, and by the way Mom has marijuana in her blood stream. Her mom wants to set up visitation for her along with birth mom. 4 minutes left. The baby’s in Cleveland. It’s 4 am in the morning. You’ll need to drive up there immediately, but before that get a substitute for Steph’s classes, find a sitter for the dog, and make sure you have the car seat, change of clothes, etc. 3 minutes left. Birth mom is 90% sure she wants to do this. Does this mean we have to drive up to Cleveland a couple times a year? 2 minutes. Not sure who birth father is. It’s probably Boyfriend A, and he wants nothing to do with the child. Though, there is the 5% chance its Boyfriend B and he doesn’t know she’s pregnant, and if he did, he might be interested in the child. 1 minute. What’s your choice? Love and care for this child and commit to it for the rest of your life, even though you’ve known of their existence for 4 minutes now? Or say no, I’ll pass on this child?

I don’t know which part of this scares you the most, but the one that’s right up there is the 4 in the morning. I don’t think straight at 4am. I woke up in the middle of the night a few months ago. You know the painting, “The Son of Man”? It’s the one with the man in the bowler hat with a green apple hovering in front of his face. I had a brilliant idea for updating it. Instead of the apple, it would be a cell phone obscuring the face, as many cell phones do these days. People will find this brilliant, purchase it in droves, have me on Good Morning America to explain this masterpiece and its origin, and its take on modern life. I went back to sleep, woke up a little later, and realized, “I can’t paint!”. Crap, maybe I can do it digitally. Back to sleep, wake up. Digital won’t work. I’ll have to have someone do it for me. They’ll get a cut, but I should still be able to retire on this. Back to sleep. Oh no! What if someone else has this idea? I need to get up right now to get it done. Well, first thing in the morning should suffice. Still brilliant. Back to sleep. Its morning. Hmm. Did I really think that I would be a millionaire? It’s not terribly original. At best, it would be one of those stock photos they would use for a story of a guy walking into a fountain while texting. At worst, it’s copyright infringement. What it is though, is an example of my sometimes questionable 4am thinking.

Luckily, I do wake up really fast with phone calls. There is also someone else in the room that can help. The main reason this is unlikely to happen is, I’m sure that if they can, they wait until a reasonable time. At least I hope…