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Thursday, May 26, 2011

~And then comes Marriage~

Well, we did it. We went from being friends, to me avoiding him as much as possible with the assistance of friends because I just didn't think this was a good idea AT all, to hanging out as long as we were with other people, to okay, we can do this, but NOBODY can know about it, to "maybe you should move in with me". Then, Willow. Yep, Willow was a moment when I thought, "he really might wanna stick around." See, Carl is allergic to dogs. I love dogs. I mean, I really love dogs. I have always had them...and not just one dog. Sometimes, up to 6. Breeding them even. Not having one was just depressing. The fact that he was willing to be uncomfortable maybe take a shot so that I could have a dog said a lot. Thank goodness Willow is a yorkie, and doesn't affect his allergies, and I might add, from day one has had Carl completely wrapped around her little paws. Then came Dexter, my precious pup. Wednesday dinners, getting new furniture, bills, the grind of the day to day...and then, one day he says, "...we should get married."

We said from the beginning that we didn't want to, and we never would for lots of reasons. We both agreed that people always get married for the wrong reasons. Most go into it with these fairy tale illusions, and no sense of reality at all. The idea that person will change afterwards is a joke. No, they won't, and you shouldn't be marrying someone you want to change anyway. The woman often gets too wrapped up in the dress and the damn ring, and all of that, and forgets that she is getting married. The marriage gets lost in the money, the wedding itself. We didn't want that either. When it looked like that aspect was starting to creep in to our plans, we stopped it immediately, and changed direction.

It was as it began, just the two of us, private. No one else to chime in and tell us what they think, what they wanted, or what to do. All that mattered was that we did what was important to us. At one point, there was a plan to even video the ceremony, but that didn't follow through, and now, I am actually happy about that. It keeps it ours completely. Almost sacred. We had no rehearsals, no schedules, nothing. We simply drove to the beach with our photographer, who so graciously picked us up from the hotel, and drove us to the very beach that we had loved so much the year before on our cruise. We had not said one word to them about this. As we slowly came by, I mentioned to Carl, "There's the Tiki Hut, where we were at on our cruise." and he told Yvette, "We loved this place. Penny took pictures of it on our cruise last year," and at the same moment, she pulled to the side of the road. My mouth just dropped. We looked at each other, just literally stunned that they had chosen the site for our ceremony on the beach right there. Right there...

This is the picture that I took on our cruise...one of a few. I was really proud of them actually. They looked like they could be on a postcard. I remember telling Carl how beautiful it was....

Just to the right of this is Darts Beach. This is the site that our photographer, Yvette, had chosen for our ceremony. She told Joy, our officiant that everyone was going to Governors Beach, and she wanted to try a new place, something different.
After our ceremony, the champagne, tears, laughing, pictures, we were telling Joy the story, about how we just couldn't believe the irony of how we were on the very beach that we loved the year before. "How ironic." I said. Joy says, with her beautiful accent, "There are no coincidences."

People tell you they have those goose bump moments, or those little things that were so special that they seep into their mind, and stay there, always. There isn't one second, not one moment of that time that I don't hear, or see, or realize that it was almost surreal. If others had been around, I think it would not have been the same. The peacefulness of it would not have been. There were no distractions, no other voices, nothing else mattered in that very moment of time. All of the money in the world could not replace it. I truly believe it's the smartest decision we have ever made.

The post below is from the blog of our officiant Joy. We are very lucky to have her say such kind and beautiful words about us. Her partner in the office was just as kind when we registered, and told us she sent a copy of our ceremony by email to her daughter, because when she read it, the words touched her "to the very depths of her soul." She made me cry right there. She said it wasn't just a wedding, it was about a marriage.

So, in the end, our secret came out, and many shook their heads and said we were a joke. Many said some pretty horrible things about us, and laughed in our faces too. Through all of it, we really didn't care. While others were worried about presents, and hanging out all the time, Carl and I were forging a friendship, and a bond that is truly a force of strength. We took the time to talk, to laugh, to actually care for each other. People have tried to come between us, to play the little games..but to no avail. He is my very best friend, and I admire him in every way. Our life may seem trivial to some, but we don't care. In the end, it's the bond we have that matters. It is our family, our love. Anam Cara is real. I believe that now.

When this couple from Las Vegas, Nevada asked me if I would perform a special wedding ceremony for them, I was delighted to comply. They worked on their ceremony for several weeks, personalising it to suit their heritage, their beliefs and their relationship. It was a great experience for me as well, as I had never heard of Anam Cara, and using the hand-fasting ceremony in this particular way was new to me too.

The Bride carried items of sentimental value to her

In addition to her bouquet, the bride carried a small blue pouch, given to her by her aunt. It held a small silver angel figurine and a crystal. The burgundy ribbon in the hand-fasting ceremony came from the bride’s paternal grandmother’s sewing kit, her green Irish rosary was given to her by her maternal grandmother. Since both grandmothers have passed on, the bride wanted to honour them, and have them “participate” symbolically in the ceremony, and she chose this way to honour their influence and their presence in her life.

Different colours in the hand-fasting ceremony were significant

The ribbons in a hand-fasting ceremony are significant to the ceremony in that the colours are what the bridal couple choose to bring to the marriage. Each colour represents a characteristic. The braiding of the cords is significant, as in Irish tradition it is thought that any bad luck or bad spirits get “lost” in the weaving or braiding. Braiding then, is supposed to prevent bad luck or spirits from finding you, and therefore many people choose to braid their hand-fasting cords.

Anam Cara speaks to finding your soul-mate

This is what the bride told me about Anam Cara: ” Anam Cara was significant to us , as we started out as friends, and I love the tradition of one’s soul finding its true match. I thought it was a beautiful thought, and we wanted very much for it to be a part of our ceremony, as we are friends above everything else, and as such, we truly have gotten through many challenges.
When it came to our ceremony, we didn’t want it to be like everyone else. We wanted it to be from the heart, to be meaningful, and to be rich with something that can also be passed down to our family in years to come…”

This is a Caymanian tradition, the wedding jump!

This was one of the most beautiful weddings I ever officiated, and it has definitely made my Top Ten Favourite Weddings. It just shows how special you can make your wedding ceremony when you think about it and personalise it to include features of deep significance and meaning to you.

Surrounded by beauty

These images by Yvette McField, part of our Cayman Sunset Wedding package. You can book Yvette for any wedding package through Simply Weddings.

The last word!

ANAM CARA

In the Celtic tradition, there is a beautiful understanding of love and friendship. The old Irish term anam cara is translated as soul friend. When you have an anam cara, you are joined in an ancient and eternal way with the person who is a friend of your soul. There is a deep sense of belonging and recognition. You are understood as you are and you are at home. When you feel understood, you can release yourself into the trust and shelter of another persons soul and they can release themselves into you. This kind of soul love is the most real, substantial and powerful form of human presence because it is the place or threshold where human presence and divine presence move in and out of each other.