Lindsay Lohan's bodyguard spills details about her terrible, terrible parents to In Touch, like we told you yesterday. Plus Lindsay's boozing and drug using. Also, when she was 15, she was allowed to share a hotel room with her 14-year-old boyfriend Aaron Carter. The Lohans: putting the fun in dysfunctonal! [Page Six]

Additionally, Lindsay was "surrounded by criminal activity" and exposed to alcohol and drugs at 15, says her father. [The Sun]

Project Runway winner Jay McCarroll is not, we repeat, not homeless. You can go back to your regularly scheduled ennui. [Page Six]

Bruce Willis' new girlfriend is a former Playboy Playmate, an actress and a motorcycle collector. Yawn. [Page Six]

Two blind items: 1. "Which very eligible divorced man has his friends in a quandary now that he's engaged to get married again? The friends are afraid to tell him his fiancée is a gold digger who's still seeing her broke boyfriend on the side while waiting for her wedding day." 2."Which aging supermodel is ensuring her picture still gets taken, despite her bad behavior and spiraling demand, by having an affair with the head of a major photo agency? The sex is so strong, friends say, the agency owner is thinking of leaving his loyal wife of several decades." [Page Six]

Are Paul McCartney and Heather Mills bonding for the sake of their daughter? Does anyone care? [Gatecrasher]

Donatella Versace has decorated apartments for New York's Plaza Hotel, and pictures are in the new issue of House & Garden. We're sure the décor is understated and minimalist. Not. [Rush & Molloy, 4th item]

Jennifer Lopez got half a million dollars out of a legal battle with her ex-husband? Can someone please explain this to us? Also, the ex is barred from ever disclosing intimate information about their relationship for personal gain. So, no tell-all book, boo! [Rush & Molloy, 6th item]

Chris Noth, aka Mr. Big, has signed on to be in the Sex And The City movie. Let the quips and cigar smoking begin! [Rush & Molloy, 7th item]

So yesterday Page Six reported that Britney Spears' head was Photo-shopped onto some other girls' body for her new fragrance ad. But a rep says the only person in Britney's ad is Britney. Look at the ad and judge for yourself; we think it's inconclusive. [ET]

Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown was secretly married in Las Vegas last month. [TMZ]

Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal had a secret hotel rendezvous! Well, not that secret, since we all know about it. But still! [US Weekly]

Tori Spelling wants to have another baby. Has anyone ever seen her show? Where she runs the B&B? Is it any good? [People]

Roseanne's Sara Gilbert and her partner Allison Adler have a new daughter, named Sawyer Gilbert Adler. Cool name. [People]