77. Drugs in the bread and pokatushki meeting.

“What can you do in solitary confinement, while the judge and the Prosecutor rest for a month on vacation?”I was thinking the day after the trial.

Looking at the three volumes of falsification against me, I, on the advice of the “prison friend” of the prisoner Polina, decided to hold a “rite”over the papers.

Night, through a “long road”, I was told of Pauline “Holy water” and a Church candle. Actually, Church candles are very difficult to get in prison, through the parcel will never be given, but sometimes a priest comes to the prison and conducts services, and you can buy Church utensils from him. But still, as I have repeatedly told, in prison there are people who can get different things and sell for fabulous money.

So, I spread these documents on the table, sprinkled the title pages with Epiphany water and lit a candle. On the advice of Pauline read three times the prayer “our father.”

To be honest, on this day, as well as for the next three weeks, the desire to study the documents did not appear.

For three weeks vacation judges, in me all more and more evolved hatred to this man. Every day I was angry that I was imprisoned in prison, deprived of the usual and free life, and the judge and the Prosecutor “come off” somewhere in the Seychelles, sunbathing on the white sand. “To be washed away by the tsunami!”I sent the prisoner wishes.

For the fourth week I was so angry at the composition of the court that aggressively took up the case file with one desire: to crush this snake ball.

Unbeknownst to herself, I am for a few days wrote over twenty petitions and applications. Having copied them in two copies, I sent through prison office to court.

The day after the petitions were sent, Vasilisa, the warden, came to my cell. I am very surprised, more than a month of it was nothing heard and seen.

“How are You? Do You have any requests or requests?”she asked, avoiding my eyes.

“No thanks. I have everything. Something You have not been seen, too, in the vacation holidays?”I said indifferently.

“No, not on vacation. There was a lot of work.”the jailer replied.

It seemed to me that her face became satisfied after my question.

The jailer looked carefully at the things and objects in my cell, while thinking about something of her own. Noticing the books from the prison library on the shelf, I took one of them.

“The librarian tried to impose me detectives and novels, but I am interested in other literature. The financier you’re holding, I’ve read it at least ten times. I recommend you. When the librarian brought me these books by D. London and T. Dreiser, I was surprised that no one read them here – the sheets were glued together after printing. And the books themselves issue of the eighties. So nice that these books virgin spent thirty years on the shelves of the prison library.»

“I always thought that these authors are read only by men. To me personally, they are certainly “not go”. With work in youth read “White Fang”. So boring written. I would recommend to You nevertheless, something modern to read, You and so here in grayness are, also sad antiquity read.”the jailer replied indifferently and put the book back on the shelf.

I was silent on her statement, watching the jailer, who clearly did not want to leave the cell and was looking for an excuse to stay.

“I heard that You filled up our office with letters to the court yesterday.”- finally, the jailer announced what they came for.

“The judge went on vacation, and before that gave me all the materials on the criminal case against me. Whereas, to acquaint with Affairs had about half a year ago. Here, now we have to make up for lost time and scribble statements.”I said, not happy.

“What did it find on Your judge? I’ve heard bad things about him. They say he is an unpleasant, arrogant, cruel and unscrupulous judge!”the jailer continued.

“And I’ve heard of him! I exclaimed furiously with indignation.

The jailer stared at me in surprise, and I was mentally angry with myself: “why am I so carried – to protect this judge.”

“You defend him so much that it would be possible to assume that the judge is Your relative or acquaintance. Or You’re in love with him.”the warden said sarcastically.

My cheeks burned. I stubbornly silent and nothing was said on the inquiring look Vasilisa. Without waiting for my answer, the look of trimsize was replaced by despicable, and she silently walked out of my camera.

With the departure of matron Vasilisa, I felt the approaching danger. Sighing heavily, I sat on the bench and began to reflect on their emotions to the judge. I didn’t like the fact that I was so eager to protect him.

For several hours I sat motionless, remembering and analyzing the behavior, tone of voice and views of the judge. Also, I remembered his expression when I was brought to court after “working off”. Hell in a non-Smoking cell.

Then, he tried to hide the mask of worry and relief on his face.

“Perhaps Pauline is right. I whispered aloud.

“The constrictor and the rabbit, the wolf and the lamb.»

It was the last week of the court leave, and with me after visiting the warden Vasilisa and my terrible “discovery of feelings”, began to occur strange sensations. My mood and behavior became uncontrollable: this happens to a woman in the first five months of pregnancy. I wanted to sleep, then vigorously awake – I was bursting into super-feats, like don Quixote, I poured uncontrollable energy, why I repeatedly washed everything in the chamber for an hour. Then I’d get a wave of sadness-sadness, and I uncontrollably sobbed like a hysterical woman. Then I had fun and I include the entire volume of the radio, danced and had fun. Talking on the phone with my son and Adam, I was constantly arguing with them. I was offended that they did not understand my inner feelings, and I told them both everything that had accumulated inside me. My son had the most to listen to.

On the fourth or fifth day of my behavior, I was visited by a psychologist. Her arrival in the cell coincided with my increased activity when I washed the walls and floors of the cell for the third time in a row.

“What is clear is linoleum and walls are even shiny.”said the psychologist.

We spent about an hour talking to a psychologist, after which she left me anti-stress mantras and colored pencils. The psychologist has promised that in a few days will get me another mantra, and review the ones that I paint.

After her departure, within an hour I was immersed in painting mantras. All ten pictures were ready. I knocked at my reservation and asked a longitudinal learn about psychology. Natalya Leonidovna was still in the prison building. She once again came to my cell and began to look very carefully at my painted masterpieces. She looked at me very surprised and asked me how I was feeling.

“It seems to me that I have some hormonal failure in the body. I can’t control my emotions. I don’t know what’s happening to me.”- I admitted quietly to the psychologist.

She looked at me sympathetically and promised to bring as many anti-stress mantras as possible the next day.

The same evening the road Builder of the camera 53 from the man’s case called me on phone and asked me a slice of bread or a loaf. Bread very often asked me from different men’s cameras.

“At ten o’clock, fresh bread will be brought, and I will send you to your hut. I promised.

“Yes, a few days ago began to give out bread at night. Get more hot, so delicious that I immediately eat the entire loaf. But today I will share with you. I promised.

«Strangely. But all prison bread and give out with morning Balanda. And with thee do not become anything strange about to happen? You emotionally “sausage” or sex does not break?”softly asked the road Builder Bob.

“You think they put viagra in my bread?”I asked, laughing softly, but realizing that the oddities in my behavior began after receiving the night bread.

“About viagra do not know, but “solo” and the like can easily. Son-of-a good “warm”. Be careful, if I want to check all your today’s bread, tomorrow night I will inform.”- also quietly suggested the road Builder.

“Vasenka, I can send you all the bread, but I also do not want you to get hooked “on the ban.””- nervously I replied, just realizing that my bread peddling drugs.

“Don’t be afraid, I tried it before – I didn’t like it. You read my deluge, I’m not “popular” slam. And so, we will conduct with you an experiment and you know exactly what you have bread.”Vasya said.

A few hours later, I cut a hot loaf of bread into small slices to send to the neighbors on the way.

The next day until the evening, I was in a nasty mood and was bursting with someone to fight. After setting roads and “arrival my flashlight”, I knew from Vaska, that in bread was “drugs.” Road Builder Bob shouted the cry across the prison, and me of the cameras my friends are prisoners “arrived” adsorbing medications: Activated charcoal, Linex, aluminium phosphate gel. They even sent such expensive drugs: Heptral, Ursosan and wobenzyme.

This and the next night I gave up bread and did not take it from the goat. And on the third night, on the eve of my departure to court, I learned that the road Builder Vasya “closed in a punishment cell”. As told me looking behind their hut that “Vaska beat a garbage can”. My heart was sad and heavy, I understood that the road Builder Vasya suffered from drugs that caused an aggressive state.

I called again looking for 53 hut and asked what can pass out Goodies for washi in the hole.

“Sister, don’t worry, we Vaska well warmed quiche. Write him a letter and we’ll send it. It will be very pleasant to it, especially at it tomorrow day – anniversary twenty-five.”said Zelimkhan looking for house 53.

I wrote a very touching and sincere congratulations, as the most dear and dear brother, whom I never had, but appeared. Vasya will get this little boy in a few hours, and I knew that he might not come, because Vasya may not have a paper and a pen in the punishment cell.

I didn’t want to sleep that night, so I talked to my son until the morning. I apologized to him for my inappropriate behavior. He forgave me and assured me that he does not take offense at me and understands how hard it is for me to be in prison. Of course, I could not tell my son that I was kept on drugs for several days. Listened to us and for that my statement could me immediately “ofsuicide”.

At six in the morning I was going to go to court, my emotional state was still unstable. Like a bare tooth nerve, everything irritated and infuriated me. I really wanted to fight with someone.

“What happened to you? You’ve been so unbearable this week! Adam asked me as we stood in the cells of the court.

“A hormonal imbalance.”I replied irritably.

“It happens to me the same way. It’s because of sexual abstinence! Adam replied knowingly, and his eyes lit up with a sly light.

Adam began to look at me impudently and seductively, starting at my feet and looking up at my face, while he sighed theatrically with sexual concern.

“Adam, you’re embarrassing me!”I laughed, feeling myself blushing.

“Let’s get married as soon as possible and live in the same cell?”he begged, and longed.

I don’t have time to answer him, for I in the court of lagoon cells came a convoy to escort to the hearing. Among the guards I saw my compatriot Olga and was very happy with her.

The lawyer greeted me unpleasantly when I was locked in the aquarium of the court. The Prosecutor looked at me with contempt, the judge’s clerk greeted me respectfully, as always.

I’ve been sitting in the dock for more than ten minutes, and the judge still hasn’t shown up. For some reason I’m all pounding, as before the exam. The door from the judge’s office opened and he appeared.

“Means all -??? “boa And rabbit”!”- I thought.

The magistrate is satisfied the person had read my application and under negative replica of the Procurator – rejected my application. In me the aggressive beast from narcotic bread started waking up: with each rejected my petition – I had a desire to kill the judge and the Prosecutor.

After the ninth rejected my application, my uncontrolled body shouted for the whole room (well at least without a Mat!):

“Your honor? Can I at least hear from You the reasons for rejecting my motions? How can I “work out”? If You do not read and do not delve into the meaning of my statements, then do not call me to the meeting, and consider the criminal case without my participation! Do not ride me to court in your stinking paddy! And don’t mock me with your spattered sump cages!»

My remark was menacing, threatening, and thundering across the room like a bolt from the blue. The guards jumped out of their drowsy state, the solicitor strained the Secretary of the judge. My countryman Olya looked at me with approving support. The judge was pale and numb for a long time.

I felt that everyone in the hall was looking at me. But I incinerated the judge’s face, which became confused and indecisive. The silence dragged on, everyone was waiting for the comments of the judge.

“We cannot consider this case without Your participation.”- quietly on an exhalation I said “Your Honor”.

I hardly managed to keep the following remark which was torn from me: “you Want that I or the Prosecutor sent you a Mat? And then for insulting the court, I wouldn’t have been taken to court?»

The judge looked at me and he rocked in his chair, apparently my hidden remark was written on my face. There were still more than ten unread my petitions, which were in the hand of the judge.

“Defendant, do You have any other motions? the judge asked in a hoarse voice.

“Yes, there! I have a waiver from my lawyer! In the order of 51, 52 article of the RF criminal code!”all of a sudden I announced.

“What reason?”the judge looked at me in surprise.

His eyes were still confused and I even thought that razdolbannoi, but not on me but on himself.

“We counsel do not agree on the tactics of my defense!”I announced.

The judge looked confusedly at me and then at the lawyer.

“I announce a break of the meeting for a week. During this time, the defender will come to You in jail and You will discuss with him Your claims against him. Then, in the next meeting, we will consider your application for refusal of the defender.”said the judge, banging his mallet and left the courtroom. Autumn treatment of prisoners.