As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, " Herman, i just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!" " Boy, " said Herman, " It's not just one car. There are hundreds of them!"

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Smart little boy

a lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, " Hmmm... That's funny. When i lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills." The boy quickly replied, " That's right, lady. The last time i found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."

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One free wish

Family is driving in their car on holidays. Frog crosses the road and husband, who is driving, is able to stop the car. He gets out an takes the frog and carries him to the side of the road. Frog is greatful, thanks the man and tells him that he will grant him a wish. Man says: please make my dog win the nexr dog race. Frog asks to look at the dog which jumps out of the car. The frog notices that the dog has only got three legs and tells the man that he thinks it is almost impossible to fulful his wish and asks that the man will tell him another wish. Man says: well, then please help that my wife will win the next beauty contest in the area. Frog asks him to tell his wife to get out of the car. Wife comes out of the car and approaches the frog. The frog turns to the man and says: "Could i please have another look at the dog???".

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O.J. Donations

a man was driving down the road and there was a road block. Police officers were walking and telling people what was going on. The police man finally got to the man and said, "O.J. Simpson just heard the verdict and is threatening to cover himself in gasoline and burn himself to death and he said he wont have any money left and we're going around collecting donations." The man said "How much do you have so far?" The police man said, "10 gallons."

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Death Wish

3 buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven to an orientation. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first guy says, "i would like to hear them say that i was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man." The second guy says, "i would like to hear that i was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow." The last guy replies, "i would like to hear them say look! He's moving!!