I am a fucking dinosaur. Rawr.

Boo was safely handed over to his teachers and bid farewell – with no fucking hug, damn teenagers – as he went off to camp. A little nervous, but happy with his ipod full of music and noise cancelling headphones.

Then we made our way to Yarraville, over the WestGate bridge during howling winds, to see the ENT surgeon about my snoring.

As is my way, terrified of ever arriving late, we got there with two hours to spare.

A bit of window shopping later we were ushered in to see the doc, who promptly stuck a long camera down my nose.

Turns out my self diagnosis of grown back adenoids was wr… wr…

Not completely accurate in this instance.

I have a deviated septum.

Hence my snoring like a Tyrannosaurus Rex with a deviated septum that I have prophetically joking aboutfor years.

So actually I was right.

Sort of.

And psychic.

Probably.

I filled out the hospital admission form (NON SMOKER HUZZAH!) and then we went and picked up Maddie to go get cheeseburgers cause the surgeon called me fat.*

And then IKEA. Duh.

P.S. I find it amazing that my tiny little nose, thats entire length is just on half my pinky, could have a bend inside it. Pity he can’t do a nose job to make it BIGGER while he is in there. Maybe then my glasses wont sit on my cheeks instead of my nose.

P.P.S. Rawr. I’m a dinosaur.

*technically he didn’t, he told me we had to embark on a three step approach – use some nose spray thingy until the surgery, lose some weight and then if that fails this awful horrible thing where they chop out half my throat and reshape it and pain pain pain and I didn’t hear anymore after that except my Homer brain saying ‘mmmm burgers’.

I guess the good thing is you have a diagnosis. A’s snoring is so bad he went to a sleep clinic, slept with a CPAP machine for 2 months and then found out a mouth splint would stop the snoring. Only problem was his teeth needed to be fixed so $7,000 later, his teeth are all fixed, he has the splint BUT he can’t sleep with it in because it makes him gag !!!!!! So, all that money and he still snores !!
Have the BEST weekend !
Me xox

One of my friends had the same problem but didn’t know until she face-planted onto concrete and the ENT found the problem incidentally when she was looking to see if the nose was broken. She went ahead and had her nose fixed and she swears it’s the best thing she ever had done. She can breathe properly for the first time in her 56 years of life.

I’ve had breathing problems for decades. I had surgery in 1996 to have my turbinates (the humidifiers of the nose) quarterized because they were too big and stopping me from breathing properly.

In 2008 I had to have the same surgery again because I still had breathing problems, although this time I was also told I had a bent septum. Have no idea how it got bent but he supposedly straightened it and quaterized my turbinates again.

He used fishing line to stitch me up and I not only had medical cocaine up my nose to stop the bleeding afterwards, but they stuck spiral bandages in two fingers of a rubber glove and shoved the fingers up my nose into my sinus cavities to stop the bleeding as well.

I was put in the maternity ward overnight, have no idea why since I was not having a baby, and didn’t sleep all night. In the morning the male ward nurse came in and pulled them out of my nose with tweezers.

I don’t see how chopping out half your throat fixes the deviated septum which is in the nose. This is why I am not a surgeon and the world should be thankful.
I haven’t had a cheeseburger in three years.

I had a deviated septum fixed when I was 19, and I also had my tonsils removed at the same time. I’m not going to lie, after the surgery I looked like I’d been punched in the face. 2 black eyes and they packed my nose full of stuff that I swear was 5 meters long when it was removed. After all of that I could breathe and life was great until 2 years ago when I got a nose full of polyps and they cauterised my sinuses which was so traumatic I went into shock. So, the operation is great, so great, BUT, keep an eye out for polyps growing, cos they fuck shit up. And, just as a warning, if you are taking nasonex spray, watch out for side effects such as anxiety, mood swings and depression/suicidal thoughts. I used it for 2 weeks and ended up really unwell. Not trying to scare you, but I wasn’t told this until after the symptoms occurred x

I thought you only got a deviated septum if you snorted too much cocaine. Or is that when the septum disappears altogether? I think you should totally get him to do a nosejob while he’s there and also some kind of magical unicorn weight loss surgery at the same time. That’s got to be available on medicare, right? (And burgers on the hospital menu …)