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If I was more of a sissy I would be at the hospital right now

Yesterday was one of those days when I should have just...gotten right back into bed and not left until the sun went down. I started the morning telling myself I was going to run. Before anyone else woke up I was going to take time for me and run. I grabbed the leash and took the dog and set off on my way. I got about 14 feet into the run before I twisted my ankle. I kept going though. The dog was a menace, he chased birds, bushes, shadows and air. It was ridiculous. I looked like a total knucklehead running with that dog. Then exactly .50 miles into the run the dog stopped right in front of a bus load of people to take a shit. He was taking a while so I took my phone out of my sports bra to pause my time so it didn't slow me down. He finished and I restarted my time. I put my phone back in and went back to my run. 14 seconds later I heard, "your run is complete." Somehow my boob had pushed the button on my phone stopping the time. It also managed to post to Facebook that I had only run a half a mile. I was so pissed. I started a new run and headed home. Halfway my shoes came untied. I had to stop again and retie my damn shoe. I was so mad. I eventually made it home with two separate posts in my exercise tracker looking like a fool.

After the running mess I came home and made an incredible breakfast for the kids. Then my husband wanted to clean the garage. That was fine.

But then, THEN, it was time to work in the garden. I wanted to hook up the drip system to my roses. I got out the hose and climbed into my scary ass green house filled with spider webs to hook up the hose. I turned it on and water shot out everywhere. The hose had a crack in it. I walked over to work and grabbed another hose and headed back to my house. This time the hose had no holes in it but it happened to be the hose my grandpa had "fixed" so water came shooting out of the end where you hooked it up. I grabbed a third hose and this time when I bent down to hook it up I cracked my head on this metal rod that is supposed to hold the hoses.

You guys it hurt bad. But I was a woman on a mission so I continued on. This time when the water turned on and the hose worked but the mother fucking drip hose had a ginormous hole in it and water started spewing everywhere. I stomped back to the hose bib and bent down to turn off the water again. This time when I stood up and cracked my head into the pole it was bad. Like...tears in my eyes bad. My husband was watching and instead of running over to check on me he just said, "you okay, you bleeding?" I was so fucking pissed. I said "NO IT HURTS."

His response.

His actual response was, "You don't have to be mean."

I wanted to ill him. My head was probably cracked open and he is telling me not to be mean.

I finally finished fixing the drip line when I realized that meant it was time to go hand dig the up the garden. You see my husband and I decided we didn't want to pay for a rotatiller so instead we took shovels and dug up every inch of the garden turning over the dirt to get it ready to plant. My legs are so so so sore from all that manual labor.

After that I had a hair appointment so I ran in, cleaned up and headed to get my hair cut. That was all fun until she started drying my hair and poking my head right in my giant goose egg on my head. Y'all it was HUGE. And it HURT.

My husband trying to be nice invited me to dinner. I picked the place. I picked wrong. Dinner was awful.

AWFUL.

I figured the day was a bust.

Thankfully a friend invited me to her house for a play date so the night ended really well. So well in fact my kids passed out before I put the car in park and slept right through the night. I wore their asses out this morning.

The problem though, is that this morning I woke up with a pounding headache. You guys my head hurts bad. I made it to the gym fine but it hurt. While at the gym with my new mom friend we made a stupid deal that I would give up chips and pretzels and she would give up candy. The first person to lose buys dinner.

CHIPS.

I'M SUPPOSED TO GIVE UP CHIPS.

Basically I am now going to die because you guys potato chips are my world.

Stupid bet

Either way, I am currently sitting on the couch with an ice pack on my head trying not to cry and talking myself out of going to the hospital because dammit only sissies go to the hospital.

So to sum it up, my ankle hurts from twisting it, my boobs can text, my legs hurt from shoveling, my arms hurt from my friends shenanigans at the gym and if my head still hurts tomorrow I might even consider urgent care, no matter how big of a sissy that makes me.

Next time....I'm hiding in bed from the world,

posted on Mar. 24, 2013

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