Ema. She used to be in the same college as I am during our matriculation in Johore Bharu. Back then I was a very-very shy person and since Ema was a life science student, I didn't even knew she existed. But now she's the girl I've kept saying hi to everytime. How weird. Anyway I'm not very sure about this one. Besides I heard she's seeing someone already. She's got a lovely face (naturally!), not too tall and not too short either. The thing is we've been exchanging SMSs for a couple of days now. I hope to get to know her better. To hell with Tini. She's like, all over me.

My computer is really a total wreck. It crashes every time I turned it on. I think the Windows is screwed. In other news, I'm totally broke again (mom help!). I've tonnes of work to do but no mood to do any of them. Especially since most of them are computer related (i.e I have to do them on the computer). Man, I got to do them sometime. Argh, that's the last of my cigarette.

1:00 AM SaturdayOh man, there's this really smelly man sitting next to me! Just my luck. I had to sit next to him all the way to JB some more, shit. That fat boy sitting across from me is just as smelly too. Damn.

So here I am sitting in the buffet coach. Did you know that they serve the most expensive food in the galaxy? This lousy cup of Milo cost me 2 bucks and 2 set of that crappy sandwiches cost 5 fricking bucks! It's daylight robbery. Remember not to buy anything from the Senandung Malam express next time. I remember the Wau express food is a lot cheaper than this. Screw you KTM. I'm taking my own sweet time at this table. After all I paid for it.

1:24 AMI've walked to the front end of the train where I can see the locomotive. This must be the first class coach seeing how exquisite the finishes. Someday I must try traveling in one of these rooms.

1:40 AMI am now sitting in the 2nd class coach. The was plenty of empty seats in here and I think I'll stay here until somebody come to check the tickets. I've been to the opposite and of the train just now. My stomach is not feeling so good. I must eat something at the next stop but certainly not something from the bloody buffet coach.

7:44 AMThe train arrived late again. I tried calling Shahir again but failed (again). Maybe he changed his number or something. From JB train station, I walked to Komtar and took the bus to Larkin and then here to Bukit Saujana. I just had my shower at the Saujana mosque. This place sure brings back a lot of good memories. I used to court this lovely school girl named Julia. She lives with her family at Panglima B. At first she responded well and then alter on she freaked out for no apparent reason. Just like somebody. I think she still lives here on the 4th floor. In fact I'm standing just a few steps away from her house right now. I secretly wished that she would open the door and stumble right into me. I'd like to see the look on her face when she sees me this way. It's good to see some familiar faces again. The lonely swimming pool is still there. They took out the fences now so everybody can see who's in there. The good old mini-mart is still there although it is closed for the day. My fave DJ Glenn Ong is still on air on 98.7. I'll be listening to that station all day on my walkman. Still got an hour to go before the NRD office opens. Think I'm going to walk around a bit.

10:17 AMI met Ike from the Saujana mini-mart just now. She sure was surprised to see me. She bought me a cup of Milo which automatically canceled my fasting plan for the day. Unfortunately I didn't get to see Julia today. I finally got to Registration Department. It took me just 5 minutes to get my brand new IC. For the first time I'd like to congratulate the public service dept for their excellent service. I'm so glad and proud to own a real IC again. I'd like to thank my mom and dad, grandma back home and my hood for their support bla bla bla.

Later on I went for breakfast at McDonald's at City Square. I bought an Egg Mc Muffin Happy Meal. Last time I came here the place was still under construction. You know what? This is the first time I had breakfast at McDonald's! the egg McMuffin is quite good and the hash brown is awesome. But I must not do this often or else I'll be fat with acnes in no time. I'm gonna continue walking around to see what's changed since I left.

6:59 PMI walked anywhere my foot brought me. This city sure has changed a bit but not that much. I did went to my fave shopping place, Holiday Plaza. Too my despair though there was not a single pirated cd shop open there. They probably raided the place or something. Frustrated I started eating too much again. So much I spent 20 ringgit on a single meal alone. I felt so sad and low afterwards. Think I'm gonna stop eating for the next 2 weeks or so.

10:45 PMI'm currently on board the train back to KL. A sick old man sits next to me. He was coughing like hell. But he didn't sit there for long though. He went away somewhere after a while. Thank God! he probably reads my mind or something. I slept all the way to KL.

I did quite some traveling today. I had just one class in the afternoon and right after that Isa and I went for a stroll at mid Valley Megamall. It was my second trip ever there. The first one was with Uncle Din and co. That time I managed to visit Carrefour only and not the entire mall. This time we walked into almost every single store in there. This place is HUGE! My legs ached when we finally walked out.

Later on I rushed to KTM Serdang. I got a train to catch at 10:30 tonight. Lucky for me, I got discount for students. So I only paid half price for this trip to JB. I hope there won't be any problem at the NRD office tomorrow. Last time I went there I said that was my first time losing my I.C so I didn't pay anything. I hope they still buy that. Curse the person who stole my wallet.

So JB here I come! I'm expected to arrive at 5:45 AM the next morning. I still can't get through to Shahir. Then again I think I'll manage alright without him. I plan to catch the evening train back home same time tomorrow. I plan to go sight-seeing a bit around JB. I can't waint to return to Bukit Saujana. A few people will be very-very surprised to see me. The seat next to me is vacant so I get to stretch my arms and leg a bit. Maybe somebody will sit there soon. We'll find out soon enough.

Today, it is all about Tini. Like I said before, I think Tini likes me, a lot! Yesterday, my friends and I (all 4 of us) decided to take a stroll at the Mines Shopping Fair (like many UPM students do). So I smsed Tini to come along which to my surprise, she did. I thought she'd bring along a friend or two but she came along all by herself. She must have hired a cab or something to get there. My friends, apparently wanted to leave us in peace, deserted me shortly after Tini's arrival (and you guys call yourselves my friend?). Okay this is scary. It never crossed my mine to be close with Tini. I thought we gonna be just friends, that's all. Obviously Tini didn't think so.

As the accidental date went on, Tini treated me with Happy Meal and Apple Pie and she even bought me a MP3 cd just because I said I liked it. Later on I drove her home with Apai's helmet and bike. That's the first time I ever carried any girl on a bike. To be frank, it felt really awkward cause I didn't really like this girl! Anyway the damaged is done. I can't exactly turn back time now. Whatever it is, I still conisder Tini as a friend. Poor thing.

So it's settled then. I'm going to Johore Bharu on Saturday by hook or by crook. I do hope I can somehow get in touch with Shahir. He's my only hope for accommodation in JB.

Home sweet home. Yup, I'm not on the train anymore. I woke up around 6:30 this morning and I thought I had missed the Kajang station already when actually we didn't even get to Seremban yet. We didn't arrive until an hour later. Then I took a Komuter to Serdang and called my good friend Isa to pick me up. Don't know what will I do without him.

Most of my friends are back though I didn't see all of them. Maybe they've left for class already. Talking about class, I've got the whole day off, yay! Oh before I forget, I simply have to call mom before she and grandma got worried of me. Damn, I can't play the Drive Me Crazy vcd on my PC! Hmm, must be something wrong with the CD-ROM or I need to find another player.

Currently, I'm on board the train which will take me back to Serdang. The train came 6 minutes late but that's okay. After exchanging hugs and kisses with my mom and grandma (yeah right) we parted at the Pasir Mas train station. Damn, it is a guy. My seat is right in the middle of the coach which has a small table in front of me. Some more, I'm surrounded by 3 other guys. So much for my dream of sitting next to a sweet little girl from Puchong .Talk about bad luck.

But I didn't sit there for long though. Suddenly this guy came out of nowhere and literally begged me to change seats with him. Since he's from the 2nd class, I didn't mind doing it. I wonder why he's so desperate to change seats with me. Maybe the guy next to me is his boyfriend or something ha ha!

Gawd it so cold here in the train. I bet the Eskimoes and Inuits would feel right at home here. I'm so bored. The train is moving at snail's pace. Oh look at that, is that a snail I saw overtaking us? Now I remember why I don't fancy train rides much.

11:43 PM

I think I just had milk overdose. Yeah I actually drink so much milk tonight, my tummy is rumbling in disagreement. Note to self - don't drink milk when you're hungry. My eyes felt heavy but I still can't go to sleep. What's with the lights on and the noise and all. The guy sitting next to me is awfully quiet too. That's cool with me. I don't feel like talking to anyone right now. I kept glancing at my brand new shiny watch like every 5 minutes. Actually mom bought it for Faiz but somehow I get to keep the watch he he! Hey, I'm her favourite son what?

5:00 AM

We're in Gemas, Negeri Sembilan now. This is where the train changes direction heading north to KL. I'm shivering cold now but it won't be long now.

We bid farewell to my sister Lina at the bus station tonight. I hope she'll have a pleasant journey on board that big blue 'Bas Kilang' he he! Hey, don't blame me you asked for it. So she took the bus and I'll go back with the train. Before this Hari Raya, I promised myself to take life more seriously. No more thinking about H, I want to go back to basics. To do what I'm supposed to do there in the first place that is to study and get a degree. No more skipping classes, no more sleepless nights. I think it's about time too. I've been so low after the tragedy but I'm all fired up and ready to go now.

Tini called me tonight out of the blue. Poor Tini. I think she likes me or something. But you know I'm not interested to like anybody just yet now. You deserve someone better.

I can't wait to get on that train. I wonder who'll be sitting next to me. I hope it's gonna be a lovely 20 years old girl from Puchong who drives around in a purple Kancil. Plus she owns a pair of tortoises at home by the name of Susy and Geno. Better still she'll have the loveliest smile ever.

Or it could be a guy. Worse, an old fat stinking guy. Life is full of possibilities. Take it as it comes. The rest is not up to you to worry.

I just saw H again. In my dreams that is. Okay, this is what happens when you think about somebody too much. Anyway, she was warm and friendly in my dream just now. Totally different from real life where she's quite hostile to me. I guess it's true what they say then. Dreams are always the opposite of what's happening in real life. Then again some people say dreams do come true but I'm not getting my hopes high on this one. oh whatever! If it's only in dreams then so be it.That's probably the closest I can get to her now.

I'm bored. I can't thing of anything to do now especially since the computer broke down. I turned on the TV for a while but even everything on TV doesn't interest me. I wish the holidays would end soon. Then I can be back with me friends. We (my siblings and I) might be traveling to Penang in a few days time. I miss Tok very much. I hope my dad is for real this time. He promised to call us last night but he never did. Typical of Dad. If you kept breaking your promises like this some more, don't be surprised if we don't trust you anymore in the future. Oh well, perhaps he has his reasons. Maybe his hand phone broke down or something. But then have you heard of something called the public phone?

Owh man, even the radio sucks. I can't sleep. Have I told you I've turned into an insomniac now? Being insomniac is fine if you have something to do but now, this boredom is killing me. H is probably fast asleep now. Dreaming sweat dreams. Probably not about me. Sleep tight dear. Don't forget to brush your teeth and floss and wash your feet before you get to bed. And say your prayers too. Wonder why she has to hate me so. I don't think I'm evil or ugly or something. Hey I'm not even fat now! It's probably just me. Or maybe she doesn't like my hairstyle (which I got none). I stopped trying to call her now. I know very well now that she won't answer anyway. Perhaps she's staying true to her guy. Well I wish the best for the both of you. Just don't forget to invite me to your wedding okay?

The doors to my heart is now closed shut to anyone right now. Even if I do found another girl who looks exactly like you, she'll never do. In fact no one could ever do dear.

I hate to say this but I think I've lost my way on the highway right now. I just entered Bandar Baru Klang after riding all the way from Sunway. I don't know why but I kept following the signboards depicting 'Klang' so now wonder I'm here right now, duh! It's way past midnight now and I think I had enough of roaming with the bike and getting lost for a week. Then again, I think I'll enjoy the night scene, watching the street lights and enjoying the cool morning breeze. Ha ha! Are you kidding? You should really start worrying right now dude! It's the middle of nowhere.

12:35 AM

Stopped at a petrol station near Kinrara for a smoke while eating my previously unfinished pop corn. Did I say 40 years? Maybe I mean 40 minutes. Plus all this getting lost thing is making me hungry. I'm not too far away from home now. Wait till those guys hear about this (like I'm telling them). Tonight I passed the 152 km/h on the road with Jai's 125Z bike. I felt like I'm flying like Superman! This bike is fast, despite it's small frame. I think I'm gonna get one of these someday. Hmm wonder where I'm going to next. TTDI maybe? Or straight to K10. Chow.

2:53 PM

Home alone. Have not start packing yet. I tried to sleep but my eyes are still wide awake for some reason. Been listening to Guns N Roses' - Since I don't have you for the 245th times already today. It perfectly describes the state I'm in right now. Yeap, I'm fckd.

3.32 AM

I left home around 7:40 PM. I waited for the bus beside the highway for 30 minutes or so before I gave up. No bus driver tonight. It's Hari Raya's eve, what do you expect? So I decided to walk all the way to UPM from Taman Desa Serdang. That's one main road and two highways mind you. It was one hell of an experience crossing the highway, climbing over the fences and all. The Seremban-KL highway was rather busy too. I narrowly escaped being flattened by a timber truck (lori balak). As I walk pass the UPM mosque, a kindly Arab UPM student gave me a lift to K2. I don't know if I'd made it there on time without him. Thank you sir, whoever you are.

There was only a handful of people on board when I finally got on the bus. That confirms that not many stupid people in UPM buy tickets last minute like me ha ha! Then again I heard if less then 15 passengers showed up tonight, they'd cancel the trip altogether. Thank God, there was 16 people on board including me. Sigh. I get to sit on to chairs all by myself. Now I remember how cold it is inside an express bus.

9:42 AM

I got home safe and sound this morning. At first I thought I'm gonna drop off in Kota Bharu but fortunately the bus driver took the Tanah Merah - Pasir Mas route so I dropped off in Pasir Mas instead. I even get to attend the Hari Raya prayers some more! Later on we went to the cemetery (as usual) to visit my late great grandmother's grave. Gosh, I forgot all about her until this morning. Bad grandson! My great grandma's tombstone had sunk in a bit which made my grandma really sad cause nobody has fixed it yet. So her children (that's my uncles + my mom) promises to do something about it soon.

Quite a few people were surprised to see the new me. They say I looked like a skeleton. Some wanted to know what's my secret. It's heartbreak. You should try it sometimes. As usual I became the official satay boy. I think I'm gonna pass this role to Faiz next year. My PC at home is a wreck again. Cannot detect hard disk, cannot boot into Windows. Time for a new hard disk. Thanks a lot Faiz. I hope you get a lot of duit raya this year he he! There goes my plans of updating my homepage. Some more, now I can't do a little bit of C++ studying.

My dad called a few days back telling me Tok (my other grandma) is not feeling too well. I don't know Dad. I wanted to go there and visit Tok but you know it's impossible to find a bus or similar public transportation there this time of year.

Today I smoked in front of everyone mwahahaha (that's my evil laugh). As expected there was a little bit of commotion but I don't care. My mom was most frantic. No mom you have not failed in raising me. In fact you've done one heck of a job considering you almost single-handedly raised all four of us. It was me. It was all my fault. Don't fret to much and bear in mind, it's just cigarette, not like I'm smoking pot or anything mwahahaha!

Usually I'll be looking forward for uncle Din and Co to arrive from KL every Hari Raya but since I saw them many times already, the thrill sort of disappear.

It's the day before Hari Raya puasa and I was all alone at home when everybody else had returned back to their hometowns already. I thought somebody would accompany me to this very end but I guess I thought wrong. It's my own fault really cause I hold up to the last minute to buy my bus ticket home. What was I thinking? Okay, her maybe. Whoever waits till the day before Raya? Even my good friend Isa already left for his place in Klang. Let this be a lesson for me. By the way, I think I'm going insane sitting here all alone in this house.

Therefore I've decided to borrow one of my friend's bike and come here to Sunway Pyramid. So here I am sitting at McDonald's for almost an hour now. That McD staff is giving me odd looks already. What's your problem dude? There's a dozen more empty seats around here. Not like I'm hogging the table or something? Mmmm this apple pie is really really really good. I've got an excellent view of Sunway Lagoon out of the window. I wish I could smoke here. They're playing Britney's and Christina Aguilera's song at the ice rink. What bliss. I got here around 5.45 PM and so far I managed to scour the top floor, ground floor and lower level one only. Haven't been to the IT section yet. Gosh, I got a movie to catch at 9:25 PM! Yeah this will be the 2nd time I'm watching You Drive Me Crazy. Last time it was Fendi's treat. This time I forked out my own RM9 for the ticket. Okay gotta go now. Laters.

9:30 PM

Believe it or not, I'm writing this at the front row in one of the cinema halls. Damn, I shouldn't have bought this coke + pop corn combo, they're so darn expensive! The movie hasn't started yet and the commercials seemed like forever! Lucky for me it's dark in here or else people will see this weirdo writing his diary in a freaking cineplex!

10:30 PM

Yup I'm still writing in the dark. This time it's utter darkness like the hole in my heart

So this is our house. I think they're currently 12 people living here but I'm not quite sure. The rent is RM95 per month plus 5 bucks for electricity and water bill. I only got to know everybody here last semester when I was at Kolej 10. I made 4 new friends this week. I've never met any of them last year. Well there's no harm in making many new friends right? Who knows you gonna need their help someday.

Our house is on number 4 Jalan Desa Serdang 8, Taman Desa Serdang, 43300 Seri Kembangan, Selangor. It's just a stone throw away from the Besraya highway which is next to Kolej 10. We moved here because the fees for Kolej 10 will rise significantly this year besides the fact that we'd like to learn how to live on our own. And yeah we like to keep our freedom from pesky university guards. It's a double storey terrace overlooking a lovely playground. We have many UPM students staying round here. The first time I stepped into this house it was completely empty. Now it's packed with a dozen people and their stuff. We also have a half a dozen bike parked under the porch. Blackouts is rare around here but water shortage is quite common. Some time only water from the sink tap is running. I wonder when will the landlord fix this problem. Nevertheless, I'm quite happy living here at the moment. Here's a brief description of everybody who lives here.

Sazali Kamaruzzaman (Ali), 20, Selangor

For some reason he's the unanimous leader of the gang. He's responsible for coming up with the idea of living outside and finding this house, dealing with the landlord and everything. He looks and sound very mature indeed.

Shamsul (Sham), 20, Perak

I can't seem to remember his full name. Sham is our secretary cum treasurer. He collects the rent and pay our bills. He's really helpful in the kitchen too. A computer science student just like me although he's a semester behind. Nice fellow.

Zaharil (Zaril). 20, Kedah

Zaril is one pleasant and friendly fellow. He talks and jokes a lot and he helps around in the kitchen too.

Mohd Isa Suparman (Isa), 20, Selangor

Isa is definitely my best friend ever. Last semester he selflessly lent me his bike so that I can go to class while he rides pillion on his friend's bike. Last week he lent me a thousand ringgit of his loan money so that I can get a bike for myself. And we only met last semester! Isa also bought me lunch and dinner regularly and he's one hell of a cook.Azlan (Lan), 20, Kedah

Lan shares the same room with me. He likes to sms on the phone a lot. He's really good with bikes and mechanical stuff but he coughs a lot despite the fact that he doesn't smoke.

Fazli, 20, Selangor

I'm not sure if he actually lives here or not. For one thing he didn't pay the rent yet and he just park his bag here and went missing for days. He never goes to class and nobody knows what he does all day. Rumours has it he's already married. Why, so young but already married ma? Hmm, wonder why..

Faizal. 19, Terengganu

Faizal was really eager to join us here last semester. But then he started hanging out with his state mates and eventually he only comes home to bath and change. It's no surprise that he packed and left to live with his 'friends' later on.

Fairoz (Apai), 20, Johor

Mild and friendly, that best describe Apai. He doesn't get mad often no matter what you say to him. Not much to say about him.

Fendi, 20, Selangor

Fendi looks really unfriendly to me at first but once you get to know him, he's quite okay.He's really generous with his friends and he never says no whenever anybody ask him to go out together.Girls beware though, this is one big crocodile (buaya). I think he's got like 3 girlfriends or something at the moment.Zulkifli (Zul), 20, Kelantan

Zul looks quite ancient, err I mean old with his unshaven face and all but the truth is he's only 20. Friendly chap.

Yus 21, Kelantan

Yus is the eldest of all of us here. His RX-Z bike is really fast and he's not a bad cook too.

Azizan (Jai), 20, Kelantan

He used to help me out once. I owe him one for that. He's not officially a member of this house yet but he came here all the time. Probably next semester he'll be here for good.

I don't feel comfortable staying at my uncle's place this long. I think my little cousins is starting to give strange looks to me as if they're saying "are you ever gonna leave or what?". Yea like I wanted to look at you guys too. Hey, even my underwear is not fully dried up okay? Gimme a break! Damn, I hate Kilometrico ball pens. They bloat every time.

I've always wanted to keep a diary. Not that I never did before but I always end up losing interest half way through the year. This time I'll make sure it won't happen again.

First of all I'd like to thank God Al-Mighty for giving me the strength to live till this very moment. Of course I wouldn't be writing this if I'm already dead. I planned to start writing on the first day of the year but as always something came up and I kept postponing. Ops, everyone's awake, gtg now!

11:32 AM

Oh man, I missed the Subuh prayer. In fact I missed all the Subuh prayers this new millennium. So much for a great start. So here I am still at my uncle's place in Puchong. Actually I would have returned earlier this morning if only all my clothes are dry. Unfortunately they were not and I don't plan to ride my bike wearing those damp clothes. I ate so much last night. I think I'm gonna go hungry for another 2 days. But then my friends would be worried sick of me.The Millennium Celebration My Millennium Celebration

The fact that it occurs once every thousand years made me all more eager to celebrate it somewhere special with my friends. If only my bike didn't broke down.

The Bike

After receiving my loan money which is around RM2300 something, I started thinking of getting myself a bike. Furthermore my friend generously lent me a thousand ringgit to fulfill my dream (thanks a lot Isa!). At first I was thinking of getting a brand new bike but then after considering the price and the debts incurred to me for the next 2 or 3 years I decided against it. My friend Ali said he can get me a 2nd hand RX-Z for just RM2300. So here I am with my new bike. Although it's made in 1985, I got a brand new engine, brand new Michelin tires and alloy rims. Only one thing though, the tank currently looks really bad, bend and broken like it just went through an accident (and it probably has). Of course Isa kindly offered to buy me a new tank using his money again but I politely decline. So now I'm riding around with a really bad tank. Shit.

Up until now I think I spent over RM150 for my bike and I believe it won't stop here. A new problem seemed to prop up everyday. This is what you get for buying a second hand bike, shit.

Hold on, I was telling you about my millennium celebration right? So how come I'm telling you about my bike? Whatever. Actually we planned to go party or something at Suria KLCC. But sadly I'm left behind because my bike is so problematic, it would never make it downtown. So I stayed at home and watch Azlan fix my bike. Hmm, what an interesting thing to do on a new year eve.

Anyway near midnight I went to the 7-Eleven store in Sri Serdang. I bought 2 cups of Hello Kitty ice cream, a can of coke and a pack of Marlboro cigarettes. There was such a long queue in 7-Eleven that night I came out to realize it's already a minute past midnight. Dang, I actually celebrated the new millennium at 7-Eleven! Outside I saw several Rela members patrolling you know, for the Millennium Bug. God knows maybe a few zillion gigantic bug would fall from the sky and eat us all ha ha! They probably didn't realize my smirking face as I walk past them.

Later I went to TTDI college and sat under the lamp post for no apparent reason. I think I smoked about 7 sticks while I'm there. I only left around 1:00 AM when my stomach started to act up. I think coke and Hello Kitty ice creams don't go well together. I slept around 1:30 today which is really early by my standard. Usually I only sleep after 6:30 or 8:00 in the morning. It's been an awfully boring new year. Well at least somebody must be having fun.