Oh that was lovely. I mean, so sad, but beautifully written. I think we all knew what was going through his mind in that scene, even if it didn't clarify it in the show, but you've filled that gap nicely! :)

I always wondered what his thoughts were in that exact moment. Where he stands above the fire and the water in the downpour and looks down, right before Donna kind of wakes him up. And yes, I, too, always thought, he was pondering about giving up.