This article was co-authored by Paul Chernyak, LPC. Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.

There are 14 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.

Losing someone's trust can be painful for everyone involved. While it's not always easy, convincing someone to trust you again is possible if you're patient and attentive. Whether it's a friend, family member, or lover, there are things you can do to win back their trust.

Steps

Part 1

Apologizing Effectively

1

Gather your thoughts. It can be intimidating to make a difficult apology. It's normal to feel nervous. Take some time to plan ahead and figure out what you want to say.[1]

Make a list of your main points. This list should include an apology, an acceptance of responsibility, and a statement of how you plan to make amends.

Practice what you want to say. You can try the apology out loud while looking in the mirror.

Ask for time to talk. Try saying, "Lauren, I know you're upset with me. Is there a time this week when we could sit down and have a conversation?"

2

Express your feelings. If you want to regain someone's trust, you have to have a serious talk with them. If you have wronged someone, the appropriate thing to do is apologize. Begin by stating how you feel.[2]

If you are trying to rebuild a friendship, tell your friend how you are feeling. You can say, "Sue, I feel very bad that I betrayed your trust. I know it will be hard, but I would like for us to work on repairing our friendship."

State your intentions. If you are communicating with a romantic partner try saying, "I want us to be able to trust one another and I will do what it takes to make that happen."

Be sincere. Whatever you say during your apology, make sure that you mean it. The other person might be able to tell if you're lying, and that will only further damage your relationship.

3

Accept responsibility. If you are apologizing, then you have something to be sorry for. In order to regain someone's trust, you need to demonstrate that you know what you did wrong. Your apology should include an acknowledgement or your actions.[3]

Make it clear that you know what you did wrong. If you are trying to regain trust in a professional relationship, you should use specific examples.

Try saying, "I made a mistake when I did not carefully proofread those documents. I know it cost the company money." This shows that you understand the ramifications of your actions.

You should also use specific examples when talking to a friend. For example, you could say, "John, it was wrong of me to lie and say I had to work late. If I'm going out with other friends, I should just be honest and tell you that."

4

Actively listen. A constructive conversation is one that has more than one participant. After you have said what you want to say, give the other person a chance. Take steps to show that you are listening.[4]

Use your body language. Nod your head and make eye contact while the other person is talking.

Rephrase the main points. This will show that you are retaining what is being said.

For example, you can say, "I hear you saying that you have lost faith in me and that it will take time to rebuild that trust."

5

Write a letter. A face to face apology is always the best option. Unfortunately, that is not always possible. Maybe you live far away from the other person, or maybe they are not willing to speak to you. If that is the case, you can try an apology letter.[5]

Write a hand written letter. This is more personal than an e-mail. You should never make an important apology via text.

Edit your letter. It might take you a couple of drafts to get the right tone and content.

Your letter should be concise and to the point. Try to make it about 3 paragraphs. Your first paragraph can offer the apology, the second should acknowledge responsibility, and the third can describe how you would like to solve the problem.

Part 2

Using Actions to Build Trust

1

Be dependable. Your words are very important when trying to reestablish trust. Your actions are equally important. You can demonstrate that you are trustworthy by being dependable.[6]

Do what you say you will do. If you promise to stop being late all the time, show that you have changed by being punctual.

Call when you say you will. Remember, you're trying to rebuild trust. Make a point to stick to everything that you say you will do, even if it's just making a phone call.

Show that you can be counted on. If your boss asks you to file some important papers, get the task done right, and on time.

2

Allow the other person to have space. When you break someone's trust, that can cause both of you to become emotional. You might be feeling guilty, and the other person might be feeling sad or angry. Remember that they might need some space to heal.[7]

It's understandable that you want to resolve the situation quickly. But respect the other person's need for space.

You can try saying, "Amy, I really want to start working on our relationship. But I understand if you need to take some time."

Be respectful of boundaries. If someone asks you not to call for a few days, then allow them to have the time out that they need.

3

Practice the three A's. If you are trying to mend a romantic relationship, you can take some extra steps to show your partner how much you care. The three A's are Affection, Attention, and Appreciation. Figure out ways to demonstrate these feelings daily.[8]

There are many ways to be affectionate. For example, make it a point to offer a hug when your partner comes home from work.

You can give attention by being mindful of the little things. If you notice that your partner needs more coffee, get it without being asked.

Use words to illustrate how much you appreciate the other person. You can say something like, "I really appreciate how caring you are."

4

Take on extra responsibility. One way to show that you are trustworthy is by going the extra mile. Whether you are rebuilding trust in a personal or professional relationship, taking extra responsibility is a great way to rebuild trust. It shows you are willing to work hard.[9]

Maybe you are trying to convince your boss to trust you again. Volunteer to stay late if he needs someone to help with the end of month reporting.

If you are trying to rebuild trust in a friendship, consider going out of your way to do something nice. For example, bring lunch to your friend when you know she's having a busy day at work.

Perhaps you are working on your relationship with your partner. Try doing the dishes or taking out the trash without being asked.

5

Be yourself. When you are working to rebuild trust, it is important to show that you are willing to make changes. However, it is also important to demonstrate that you are genuine. Don't try to completely change your personality.[10]

For example, maybe your parents want you to help out more around home. That doesn't mean you should stop hanging out with your friends completely. It just means that you should work to find a balance.

Don't attempt to change your personality. If you've always been able to joke around with friends, don't stop now. Becoming completely serious all of the time will not seem sincere.

Part 3

Moving Forward

1

Be patient. When you first started this relationship, trust was not immediate. Trust has to be earned over time. It is natural that when trust is broken, it will take some time to repair.[11]

Try not to rush the process. Acknowledge that the other person might need time to start trusting you again.

State your point. Try saying, "I know that this process might take time. I understand. Take all of the time you need."

Try not to dwell on the situation. It's important, but once you have apologized and started taking steps to repair the trust, you don't need to think about the situation constantly.

2

Acknowledge emotions. If you are trying to repair a personal relationship, it might feel like a very complicated process. You are likely going to feel a wide range of emotions. Remember that the other person might be emotional, too.[12]

It is normal for you to feel guilt, grief, sadness, and frustration. Give yourself permission to feel a wide range of emotions.

Understand that your friend is probably experiencing a wide array of emotions. They might be hurt, angry, or sad. That is normal.

3

Create a new relationship. When trust has been compromised, it is possible to repair the relationship. However, it is important to understand that the dynamics might change. Be prepared to have a different relationship than before.[13]

Maybe you have violated your boss's trust. Be prepared to accept a lower level of responsibility at work for a while.

If you have compromised the trust in your romantic relationship, you might not be as close as you were before. Your partner might not trust you with intimate feelings for a while.

Perhaps you are dealing with a damaged friendship. You might have to accept the fact that your friendship is more superficial than it was before.

4

Prepare for various outcomes. If you break someone's trust, there is a good chance that you can make amends. But you should know that the relationship might be damaged beyond repair. Try to mentally prepare for a variety of outcomes.[14]

Accept the fact that you might have to move on. If someone doesn't want to be your friend anymore, you can't force them.

Try to find something positive in your life to focus on. Make a list of all of the things you have going for you.

Spend time with other people. Focus on enhancing the relationships that you still have.

Unfortunately there is no stock reply that will make others forgive you. Each conversation about trust is highly dependent on the people involved and the situation. Continue having open and honest conversations about trust and ask him what you can do to increase his level of trust in you. Trust takes time, commitment, and consistency. Give him time and space to heal and focus on being present and consistent.

You should go slow. It will take him some time, so talk to him, spend time with him in person, make jokes, and just be his friend. You have to prove to him again that you're a good girlfriend/boyfriend and that he can trust you.

First, have an honest conversation with your mom and tell her you will never do it again. It will take time to regain her trust, so make sure to be very transparent with your behavior and activities and let her know where you are at all times. Eventually you will start gaining back her trust.

What should I do to convince my wife to trust me? I love her and we have five children together.

Community Answer

You can't make a person trust you but above all, you need to make sure she knows how badly you want her to trust you again. Don't get mad if she doesn't immediately, as you need to be patient and reliable without forcing her into something she isn't ready to do or say or feel. Action will speak louder than words when it comes to rebuilding lost trust. Do the things she expects of you and don't push her. Do you your level best to do make it so that she wants to trust you again.

Watch your language around your friend, use your manners around them and just show them the respect you would your own parents. Do not give them any reason to dislike you. If they're classist, sexist, racist, etc., then you might just have to stand up for yourself or have your parents talk to them.

I accidentally poked my friend in the eye while doing her eyeliner. She says she won't trust me ever again. I said sorry and gave her space, but she's still upset. What do I do?

Community Answer

Did your friend's eyeball come out of its socket and roll across the floor? No. Accidents happen to everyone and there's nothing we can do to prevent them. Just remember that your friend is upset and annoyed for a stupid reason and though it might have hurt her, it really wasn't that serious. She'll get over it, and if she doesn't, you should find another friend that is not as sensitive.

My friends say they don't trust me, but I am trustworthy what should I do?

Community Answer

Ask them why they don't trust you. Perhaps you've done something to break their trust in the past. If you have, apologize to them, and try to prove yourself to be trustworthy in the future. That's really all you can do.

If you're trying to regain someone's trust, meet with them in person to apologize for what you did and tell them that you want to work on earning their trust back. Once you've apologized, work on proving that you're trustworthy by making promises and keeping them, like calling when you say you will. Do small favors for the other person to show that you appreciate them. Remember to be patient and give them time to start trusting you again. For tips on how to apologize to the other person for losing their trust, keep reading.

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Article Info

This article was co-authored by Paul Chernyak, LPC. Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.

"I have betrayed my romantic partner. Her trust of me is fleeting. I love her very much, and I'm ashamed of my past actions in our relationship. This article opened my eyes to see there are ways to mend that trust. It will take some time, but I have faith that she will come around. Thank you for the article. "..." more

Rated this article:

VT

Victoria Taylor

Jun 17, 2016

"Very good advice. I broke someone's trust who I really care about, and I'm feeling extremely guilty and don't know where or how to start to fix this. I went online to get some advice and help because I had no one to turn to."..." more

FS

Francine Sankar

Oct 14, 2016

"I had a problem with my boyfriend, he cheated on me. So I came online, looked on this site and found some information. I did what it said and now my boyfriend and I are back together."..." more

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Choo Chun Teck

Aug 24, 2016

"This is very useful and helpful since I made a mistake. I could not find any idea or way to solve my problem, but wikiHow helped me for the problem. Keep it up!"..." more

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Anonymous

Nov 2, 2016

"Thanks. I had to figure out how to get my mom's trust back and the guy I like and the whole school from doing something really stupid."..." more

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Stacey Endington

Jul 7, 2016

"This article was very helpful to me and gave me a variety of guidelines to follow in order to achieve my ending goal. Well written."..." more

LB

Lashonta Burrell

Nov 5, 2016

"It helps me understand what I need to do and what I don't. It was a lot of help, and I will really try to do it. Thank you."..." more

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Jamie Horowitz

Sep 2, 2017

"This article really helped me overcome my lying habit. Now I know to never lie to anyone ever again for the rest of my life."..." more

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Malaki Jordan

Apr 13, 2018

"This website helped me in a huge way of gaining back my trust from one of my school members for taking something of his."..." more

Rated this article:

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Brianna Wood

Jan 19, 2017

"I'm trying to help my friend and this really helped me. I wanted to say thank you very much from me and my friend. "

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Bhupinder Kaur

Feb 7, 2017

"I think this article will be helpful. I want to build up trust with friends. My mistake was very big."

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Esther Udochukwu Chinemerem

Oct 24, 2016

"This has been a specific guide for me to know how to apologize to whomever I betray. Thanks."