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How's my song (lyric)?

Sup guys, this is one of my new lyrics. How is it? What should I work on? It's about a girl who a guy like (I'm that guy) but that girl doesn't like him back and he wants to convince her by writing a love letter. Enjoy.

Song Title: Love Letter
Charles Pickett

This girl stay fly everyday
and you’re not gonna land
This girl bringing me under
your love is like quicksand
And you take my breathe away
I hope you know CPR
And if I had to make a wish
it’ll be on you since you’re a star
And yeah, your love is my drug
I can’t change that prescription
I read the symbols on the wall
And Us was the inscription
And I translated the text
Into your body language
Put it inside an envelope
And I hope you get the message
And if diamonds last forever
then I know you will too
cause your love is like a mystery
I wish I was your clue
And no matter what I do
You always make it look better
So I hope you take the time
to read this love letter

Cause Girl!!!

You are the reason why I wanna love
and whenever I see you I just -can’t get - enough
and if you grab my hand
I can set your heart free
and we can create a world
just for you and me!!

Girl, you are the reason why I wanna love
and compared to you there’s no- other girl -above
But no matter what I do
I just can’t stop thinking about you
but I just wish that
you would just love me too
(pause)
that you’ll just love me too...

Man, you’re way too fine too talk
You gotta write your words down
And you’re way to fly to walk
So you shouldn’t touch the ground
And even your mistakes
comes out as flawless as ever
They say that love finds a way
So I guess we’ll be together
And I know you’re reading this
saying I don’t have a chance
But girl just look at my heart
wait - take a second glance
Every beat my heart make
means I’m living for you
Every pulse my heart take
means I’m telling the truth
Girl, I’m like super-man
but my S is in your heart
I guess that’s why you’re super
cause you are a work of art
And no matter what I do
you always make it look better
So I hope you take the time
to read this love letter

Cause Girl!!!

You’re the reason why I wanna love
and whenever I see you I just -can’t get - enough
and if you grab my hand
I can set your heart free
and we can create a world
just for you and me!!

Girl, you’re the reason why I wanna love
and compared to you there’s no- other girl -above
But no matter what I do
I just can’t stop thinking about you
but I just wish that
you would just love me too
(pause)
that you’ll just love me too...

I could repeat what I said
But damn, you speak for yourself
Gold and silver aint nothing
you’re the definition of wealth
you’re the silhouette of sexy
you’re the shadow of beautiful
other girls can do the math
but to you they can’t equal
So they can put the ruler down
they can’t measure your beauty
and I’ll always be there for you
Like it’s a call - of - duty
Girl, I’m callin’ you a goddess
cause I see that you’re divine
And my only wish to God
is that that 1 day you’ll be mine
But until that day come
I guess I’ll have to wait
but to be honest girl
I just hope I’m not too late
cause no matter what I do
you always make it look better
And I just hope you had the time
to read this love letter

Cause you...
and me...
are destined by fate- eternally
and I know...
that if you....
come with me- I can set your heart free!!!

Cause Girl!!!

You’re the reason why I wanna love
and whenever I see you I just -can’t get - enough
and if you grab my hand
I can set your heart free
and we can create a world
just for you and me!!

And girl, you’re the reason why I wanna love
and compared to you there’s no- other girl -above
But no matter what I do
I just can’t stop thinking about you
but I just wish that girl
you
would just love
me too
(pause)
that you’ll just love me too...

Re: How's my song (lyric)?

It’s meant to be funny actually, it’s suppose to be corny. I mean, name a love song that’s not corny. Name a rap about love that don’t talk about ass and a woman features. It’s harder to write about than you guys think. So it may seem average, but that depends on what you listen to as music. It meant to sound like real rap like Will Smith or Ice Cube.

Re: How's my song (lyric)?

I read it all, yeah it was a bit much, but the point is I liked it . Yes there were definitely cony lines and parts that just made me want to smack my had over my face. But what I loved were the deeper lines that expressed something truer and all encompassing rather than mere infatuation