My Jewish Journey

Graham’s SCA-wife Dream

I dreamt that Graham and I were together at an SCA event, although neither of us had changed into garb yet. We went into a locker room together, which was adjacent to the hall, and sat down on one of the benches. A stunningly gorgeous Japanese woman came in, and Graham introduced her to me. He had known her back when she used to live in Canada, they had met in the SCA, and become very good platonic friends. He had taken her as his platonic, SCA wife before she had to move back to Japan. Now she was back after many years away on a brief visit. I flipped. One moment I was fine, as soon as he was done his story, I started screaming at him, calling him a hypocrite. Here he is, going on about how seriously he takes fealty, and yet he’s been concealing a fake wife from me! As Graham put it, when I told him about the dream, “I had a complete jealous hissy fit.” I woke up to my alarm, still arguing with him.

I’ve dreamt about Graham a few times now, (this is the second time I’ve dreamed that he either had gotten or was married) and I think for me he represents the Stranger/messenger/angel that Yahcob wrestles with to become Yisrael.

I have always seen him as a guide, and though not actually a rabbi or preist in waking life, he is someone I look to as being further on the path, or perhaps merely better settled with it.

Each dream, Graham seems to represent an Aspect that I’m struggling with, something I’m trying to come to terms with or wrap myself around. I know at my core that whichever message he’s representing, that it is Truth, but knowing Truth, accepting that Truth, and learning to walk it and live with it, are different states. Ultimately it is me struggling with myself to accept the truth of that Truth.

In this case, Graham represents some deep-seated hypocrisy I sense in myself. That I have to be commented to this process of returning, and take is seriously. I have to stop using being a sceptic as an excuse. Graham is not the one that is contradicting his religious ideals – I am, or I have been. I have to let myself be present in these discoveries.

We may disapprove of our neighbour’s lifestyle _because_ we love them, and think that it is harming them in one way or another – if we didn’t love them, we wouldn’t care. I’m sure you can think of your own examples – drug addiction, or whatnot.

Right, that’s Lewis’ ‘the dog may resent all the effort paid on it to bring it into the light of perfection before his Master, but it is out of love for the not-quite-perfect beloved, that we want to help it those extra few feet.’ Addiction is destructive because people begin to abuse others, or neglect their own physical, spiritual or intellectual needs in favour of serving the addiction.

My household is neither suffering an addiction, nor being adulterous, because no one’s needs are being sacrificed at the selfish whims of someone else. We are not hurting one another through lies and deception; we are a family of mutual love and support. Multiple wives are common and accepted throughout the old testament, the stories they are part of make no mention of there being any problem with the multiple marriage in itself – just people being people.

You’ve observed my house closely for a year – does it honestly look like I am doing a disservice to anyone in it? Or to myself? Never mind how your religion defines adultery – does not my own example contradict it?

I am not a child; you have no authority to judge me by your own religion’s yardstick.

When I pray for you – I pray you find contentment in your life, and fulfilment of your needs, however you define them for yourself. If you are praying that I someday come to my senses about my destructive lifestyle, then you are no true neighbour of mine. That is neither love nor support, but sabotage.

Temper, temper. It was a very general statement I made, and in fairness should be evaluated as such. I agree we should not discuss monogamy vs polygamy, or other issues in which we continue to have real disagreement, except in similarly general terms (ex “‘People being people’ is why we have the Law in the first place”), and as we are both inclined (though I think such discussion is possible, between adults, and friends). As for “sabotage by prayer”, please be reassured that God will decide about any specific requests that people may make about each other, which does fortunately shield us somewhat from both our enemies and our foolish though well-intentioned friends.

Whether the wish is granted or no, is irrelevant to whether the Intention is good or ill. The problem is your ‘best intentions’ sound like they go against what I deem goodness in my life. I’m writing another post. Although I have to put up shelving before shabbos, and won’t probably get a chance to respond to everything before then. Please know that I ran out of time, not that I’m maintaining radio silence out of spite.