…even in texass.

tears.

i just received this email from my dear friend james. i’d sent him a clip of what a baby’s heartbeat sounds like via doppler.

god, just listening to this over and over again, dear… you know what else it reminds me of?? unlike most normal people who didn’t want to be astronauts or voluntary lifelong deep-space explorers when they were kids (or even still), i can’t help but hearing the stars. i listen to them a lot actually. nasa keeps all kinds of recordings…
anyway, i could send you some of the star sounds i’m thinking of; methinks you’d be struck by the strangeness of similarity. i know i am! and especially as i’ve never heard or thought of or noticed the connection before. it’s just beautiful, and amazing. really, this whole thing. and like i said the other night, i’ve never been more interested or concerned or felt my own heart beat so much about a baby before. usually i really don’t care and have some very smarmy inside-thought about, “big deal, you made a baby. who hasn’t?”

needless to say, it isn’t like that with sparky at all. i don’t know _why_ exactly, but it is what it is and i’m all gratitude and color bars.

all of it, especially hearing this sample of what sparky’s heart must very much sound like, looking into the dark abyss of an ultrasound… can you see it? the galaxy? the mystery? all the open vastness of emptiness inconspicuously meshing with possibility?

[…] morning was a regular prenatal appt with m. my friend james, an email from whom i once wrote about here, has been staying with us for the past six weeks, as he finds some firm ground in austin. he […]