Ann Spaulding

A MOST BEAUTIFUL STORY October 10, 2008

By Ann Spaulding

I love to read revert stories. It is amazing to me how people come toknow about the love of Allah and the way of life in Islam, and how manycome to the conclusion that Islam is the Truth out of many differentways of life. This is a miracle of our faith.

I would like to tell you how I too found the Truth. Part of this waswritten when I moved to Virginia around December 2002.

Childhood

I was born and raised in West Virginia in a Christian family. My fatherwas a Jew. Needless to say we never talked much after my reversion toIslam, not that we really talked much before then. My father and motherdivorced when I was only 1 year old. My older sisters said it wasbecause I was born a female, and he had wanted a male. I think he was aman that could not handle the responsibilities of his actions. So heleft my mother with four daughters to raise and support without hishelp. Thus, we grew up very poor.

My father died in July of 2003 as a Jew. He refused to talk to meduring those last few years since I reverted to Islam. We did talk alittle before then. I am afraid that when I was older and met myfather, I did not like him as a man. My mother believed in God but alsowas a scientist of some sort. But, al-hamdu lillah, she believed incharity and in helping others. I came from a mostly Christian familythat knew fear of God and practiced it to the best of their ability. Inthe area where I grew up, people did even know what a Muslim was, andthey certainly never saw a woman walking down the street wearing hijab!

I started playing the flute when I was only five and became aprofessional flute player when I was only 12. I also played many otherinstruments, such as the oboe, the saxophone, and more. I even madegood money playing in jazz groups and symphonies. My family neverreally had time for me. I was dropped off at my grandparents’ house alot, and because my grandfather was bedridden, my grandmother nevertruly had time to care about what I did. Fortunately for me, I neversought out bad things. I was just busy with my flute and music. Thiswas my life and my only love in life.

My mother was a social worker; she was out saving the lives of manychildren who were handicapped or had mental disabilities. She got themout of abusive homes and placed them into safer homes. I was proud ofher for that. But when I needed her as my own mother, she was just notthere. I guess she could not save all the children in the world, sosomeone had to be left out. I basically raised myself.

The only thing that gave me love in this world was my flute, my music,and my many music teachers. I led, I am afraid, a life of no love andof not being wanted. My older sisters didn’t have time for me or timeto even care. They had their own issues to deal with. My immediateelder sister, who was only a year older than me, and she was alwayssaying to me that it was my fault that they all had to grow up withouta dad. It was thus not unusual for this one sister to beat on me a lot.Consequently, this caused me, I think, to grow up as a very shy andtimid person.

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I didn’t remarry after my last divorce due to religious reasons at thattime.

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This truly hurt me. I knew I was just a child, and that it was not myfault that I was born a girl. I now say “al-hamdu lillah” when I hear adaughter is born because I am a mother now and have a grown-up daughterwho is a blessing to me. I loved knowing how Islam prohibited buryingthe female infants. Given my background, this itself made a bigimpression on me when I came to read about that. Daughters can and willbring a big blessing to you. This is very true. My own daughter hasbeen a blessing to me in many ways.

I joined the US Navy when I was 18. At that time, I had an excellentmemory of what I read and saw, which was very useful to our government.However, I came out disillusioned, disabled, and mad at the world.

I then played the oboe and flute in a symphony orchestra. I got marrieda few times and divorced each time, mostly due to abuse. I was lookingfor something but didn’t know what! I even went blind for two years,which was not fun. But looking back, I can say “Allah Akbar!”

Those years did teach me compassion and patience. Allah was there allthe time – I just didn’t seek Him as much as I needed. I also brokemy ankle very severely and was in a wheelchair for almost a year, thenused a four-legged walker, then a three-legged cane, and then finally aone-legged cane Again, Allah sent me lessons to help me learn patience.These were tests from Allah. He was there for me all the time, but itwas during my blindness when I truly started to seek Him by studyingvarious beliefs and ways of life. It was during this blindness that Icould truly SEE!

Involvement at the Church

About 6 years ago I started going to a fundamental, independent,Baptist church. This is the strictest type of Baptist one could be:high morals and no short skirts. I was already wearing long skirtsbefore I reverted to Islam. Many times I had asked our pastor a lot ofquestions concerning God. When I asked some questions and told him Iwanted to study other religions, he said that it would not be a goodidea and that Satan would use it to draw me away from the church. Hesaid that studying other religions showed a lack of faith. Notice thathe said “church” and not “God.”

Anyway, he could never answer my questions to my satisfaction despitehaving a PhD in theology! I am not putting down the Christians or Jewswhen I say this. I am just explaining what was going on around me atthe time. I know many good Christians and Jews, and I pray that somedaythey will learn about Islam and this truly great way of life.

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One day my daughter came to me and asked me if she could revert toIslam.

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I was a part of the music ministry at the church. One day I walked intothe back of the church to the music room and found two peoplebackbiting me. They said that since I was divorced I should not be upfront playing music, even though I was very good at it and people lovedto hear me play. Who was she to judge me, I wondered. I had been a verymoral woman – I didn’t drink, smoke, go out with men, or do anythingof that nature. This was a turning point in my life. I was divorced butI did have very high standards. Please understand that not all Americanwomen have loose morals. I am afraid the TV portrays us this way.

I didn’t remarry after my last divorce due to religious reasons at thattime. According to some Christian beliefs, if one gets a divorcewithout it being due to adultery, then it is advised to never remarryunless the man dies. If one did remarry, then that would be considereda form of adultery. I never wanted to have that title in life, and so Ididn’t marry again. I did try to practice my old religion to the bestof my ability. I never dated since then either and lived a good, cleanlife. I worked hard and supported myself and my teenage daughter.Al-hamdu lillah, she is now 21 and married, and I have a wonderfulgrandson from her named Jibriel. And another grandchild is on the way.Allahu Akbar.

I quit playing the flute at that time in front of people. I wouldsometimes pick it up to keep up the practice, but no more on aprofessional basis. After my conversion to Islam, I never played theflute again. But the flute did save me from harm while I was growing upas a young child and then a young adult as I was involved with itinstead of doing other harmful things. So in a way, it led me to anIslamic way of life. I also quit going to that church and stayed awayfrom it. I continued to check out many books from the library onreligions and studied them. Some of these were actually audio booksbecause I could not see enough to read.

Reversion to Islam

About that time also, I met a Muslim lady who had moved to our town.She gave me a few pamphlets on Islam which I read. Although I did notrevert, she did open up a door for me to the inside life of a Muslim. Iliked how she practiced her faith by being nice and honest to all. Shenot only talked about Islam but also walked Islam! I am thankful to her– may Allah reward her greatly.

My daughter was in college at that time where she met some friends.After visiting Minnesota, she loved it there and liked the collegewhere her friends went. Consequently, we also moved to that area. Shemoved first because I was in the middle of classes at my own college (Iwent back to school when I had her almost raised and she did not needme quite as much). She met some Muslim people from Sudan, Pakistan, andthe UAE and started studying Islam. By then, I too had been lookingmore and more into Islam. It was one of the religions I was studying.For one reason or another, I kept coming back to studying Islam and theQur’an again and again until I came to realize Islam to be the truestreligion. I never told my daughter that I was studying Islam those pastyears. I kept it to myself. At that time I was truly a Muslim but didnot confess it.

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He continued with the classes and actually studied Islam longer than hewas required by the contract. About six months later in February, 2002,he declared the Shahadah.

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One day my daughter came to me and asked me if she could revert toIslam. She had a very scared look on her face as she knew that I was astrong Baptist woman.

I only said, “Oh! Why?”

She told me that the lady she had been talking to told her to ask mypermission because of what the Qur’an states about the importance ofthe mother. I questioned her to make sure she knew what she was talkingabout. She just sat there with a very scared look on her face, afraidof what I might say! Sure enough, she understood Islam very thoroughly.I then confessed to her that I had also been studying Islam. This cameas a surprise to her.

A few weeks later, after she had introduced me to her Muslim friends,we took our Shahadah (Testimony of Faith) together. We said thestatement of faith in front of a group of 12 ladies at a friend’shouse. Allah Akbar! It was July 2001.

It is amazing how many people take different journeys and end up at thesame place.

Trials of September 11

Being Muslim has not been easy. As a white, I was part of the majoritywhere I lived. Now, as a Muslim, I was a minority. My mother instilledin me very well the belief that color has no meaning. It is the heartof people that count, not their color.

Unfortunately, as a new Muslimah, I received a hard time from someMuslims about certain things, such as wearing hijab. Hijab should comefrom the heart! I wish more people would study Islam and look at theirhearts. I have known Muslim women who wear hijab to the mosque orsocial gatherings and have great hearts, and I have met women who wearhijab and even full niqab [editor’s note: niqab means face veil) butwho have don’t have much affection for Islam. Some thought that Ishould dress like them and act like them. I say that these women lookedbeautiful in their native dress. But I was just me! I wore a blue jeanskirt, a hijab, and a long-sleeved blouse. The imam at the mosque toldme not to worry about what some people said to me. To him, I lookedproperly dressed for prayer.

After being Muslim for less than two months, another incident happened.On September 14, 2001, a young man attacked me in a grocery store.Motivated by his hatred for Muslims, he jammed his cart into me so hardthat it cut my back, ankles, and one of my legs. The force pushed meinto the shelf of cans, causing one of the shelves to fall down on me.As the cans hurled down, they cut my head and hands. Some of the cutslater required stitches. The aisle happened to be in the view of thestore security camera, which captured the man as he was about to runaway. The authorities soon caught him. He stayed near me and didn’t runfar. I think he was truly amazed at what he himself had done. He latersaid that he thought I was an Arab, as if that was a reason enough tohurt someone. He was surprised that I spoke clear English. He wasfurther amazed when he came to know that I was a disabled Americanveteran.

He was facing serious charges. I gave him the choice of either going tojail or attend lecture on Islam in ten one-hour sessions. He chose thelectures. I made sure that if he did not come to the lectures, then Iwould retain my rights of recourse with the court system.

That very morning, I had just read a hadith about our wonderful Prophet(peace and blessings be upon him) who had trash dumped on his headevery morning. One morning he was not treated this way and he went tocheck on the neighbor who was found to be sick. He had compassion forthis person. Having read this on the same morning of the incident, whatelse could I do? I too had a daughter about the same age as that20-year-old man. One mistake could ruin the life of this young man.Would I not want compassion for my daughter if she did something likethis? He had been a good college student and was just young and had notreceived any education about Islam. Sometimes when one does not knowabout something, it can be scary.

He continued with the classes and actually studied Islam longer than hewas required by the contract. About six months later in February, 2002,he declared the Shahadah. I was so very happy when I got that e-mailfrom him. I had moved out of the area where he was living. He thenjoined the local Muslim Students Association and engaged in da`wah(inviting people to Islam) work. Allah Akbar!

Every day, I look at the scars that I received from that attack, and Ifeel happy. I remember where they came from and I thank Allah forallowing this to happen.

My Third Year As a Muslim

I finally feel at home in a mosque and at home in my heart as a Muslim.And I finally feel as if I am praying more normally and fully, althoughnot as well as I would like to, but at least I am doing much betterthan in the beginning. I love how Allah helped me find the ADAMS Centerand the activities that occur there daily. It is strange that it tookme three long years to finally feel comfortable in a mosque.

My path on Islam has not been easy, but I know I am not alone, Allah isalways with me. And when the trials and tribulations come, I know theyare a test to help me learn to be stronger.

It is very important that as a Muslim, you practice in the company ofothers. Never try to practice your religion on your own. We need eachother to survive in this difficult world. We need each other forsupport and to pull us up when we are down. But most importantly, weneed Allah.

As a revert to Islam, each day is a challenge to me, but I know thatAllah is my guide. As a new Muslim, I am, of course, not going to beperfect, and even when I end this life I will not be perfect. But Ialways remember Allah, and I no longer feel alone! Allah did notpromise us that life would be perfect, but I know that He will not giveme any burden that is more than I can stand, and that He would neverleave me.