Saturday, August 12, 2017

Moving!?

Well I got
through another Friday without a rejection from the Arts Club. If I don’t hear next week I plan to write to ask.

On the weather
front, I am happy to day that the smoke is gone. Today we have actual high wispy
clouds; desperately needed rain showers are predicted for tomorrow. And today I
have no one to see, not even Bruce. Days like this, and more of them, are vital
to my wellbeing. If I can learn to decline invitations I can stay here.

The real reason
I keep looking at real estate like pornography (see the previous post) is to
get away from people — even my beloved friends. I love my friends but the truth
is that socializing is extremely hard on my nervous system.

Last night I
could not stop daydreaming about the place for sale in Qualicum Beach. I just
love the unpaved driveway and the wildness of the yard. And it’s licensed for
animals and has an old orchard in the back. What a paradise it would be for
Leon and me.

When I see my
true trusted friends, we always have lovely conversations. It takes me about
fifteen minutes to be able to speak well, but once I do I am fine. All the rest
of the time I cannot speak — never. It’s a 100% stutter. I am mute. The only
way life is normal is when I am at home and my friends come here. That’s why my
therapy’s been extended.

If, after
another year, nothing has changed I will move. I feel pretty clear about that
after lots of careful thought.

I was not super keen to see the Taj. Of course I plannedto go but I had no idea that when I stood in this doorwayand saw the building for the first time, I wept.