You know how they say binge eating is cause by emotional problems? And I’ve never considered myself a person with emotional problems…. I’m not grieving, I haven’t broken up with anyone, I’m not depressed etc.

However, I am unhappy about work. Not the actual job itself, but I’m frustrated about my salary. I don’t want to earn more money, I NEEEEEED to earn more money. I can’t afford anything (except for food… ironically) right now and it’s frustrating.

When I was content, I could wholeheartedly concentrate on my weight loss goals and changing my mindset towards food and exercise.

Right now I feel as if I have a lot on my mind and food helps me quiet down the voices and numb the feelings of anxiety I have about the future.

I was hoping to be well on my way to saving up for a trip to Europe next year… but I don’t have enough money to be putting into savings for a trip to Zim this December, let alone a trip to Europe.

I feel like I’m floating in nothing-ness and don’t know how to jump onto the next ship and sail to contentment…. I feel stuck.

Obviously, I could job hunt and look for something else, but it’s not so easy(there aren’t a lot of positions available for me at the moment).

Anyway, I stepped on the scale and saw what I was expecting…92.0kg. I’m not surprised considering the type of weekend I had.

I had FOUR pieces of KFC chicken and wine on Friday night. Saturday my beloved boyfriend decided we were gonna have pizza for lunch (I didn’t protest because I wasn’t in the mood to argue… and I didn’t have an alternative to suggest anyway).

Saturday evening I has some more of the left over pizza from the afternoon… with wine… then began snacking on pop corn, potato chips (with dip) and cake… in between many sips of wine. I had friends over at my place and hence the reason I “let myself go”

Sunday I woke up feeling like shit and really felt like having a veggie type of meal. I needed to get food at the shops because I had nothing in the house. I ended up getting a meal special with macaroni cheese and a broccoli and cauliflower bake and chicken nuggets. I also got some roasted chicken.

I ate half the portion of the mac & cheese and broccoli bake and some chicken thigh + drumstick.

I slept all afternoon, then had a snack of crackers and cream cheese. I have no idea how much I ate… There wasn’t much cream cheese left…about 2 tablespoons or so.

Dinner, I fried spinach with beef and had it with the left over mac & cheese and broccoli bake. And just before bed, I had a drumstick because I’m greedy.

Anyway, today is a new day. As I said in my previous blog, I’d like to lose 3kgs by my birthday on 6 July. I have 4 weeks to achieve this. It sounds easy enough in my head… but doing it is another story.

Today I am definitely walking home, and I will go on a quick 10 -15 minute run.

By 1 March 2015, i’d managed to go down in weight to 87kg. I was a very happy girl who watched what she ate and exercised as much as her laziness would allow her.

But, something happened…I got a boyfriend. Someone who told me I was beautiful and wonderful….someone who said my “curves” are what caught his eye. Someone who wasn’t disgusted by what I look like.

And obviously with new love comes loads of dinner dates… and we are both wine lovers… so wine intake has increased.

In the 10 weeks or so I’ve been with him, I’ve put on 4kgs. Sometime last week I weighed more that I have ever weighed in my WHOLE life… a super sexy 92kgs… just 8kgs away from 100kgs. This morning I was 91.5kg 😦

I’ve gone on a couple of runs with him… but he can’t join me everyday because of work… He has suggested running in the morning, but i am more likely to sell my soul to the devil than wake up every morning to go for a run.

I’ve not stepped inside the gym for about 2 months now… I’ve simply not felt like it. And I have suffered because of it.

The scale is showing me that I do not have the luxury of eating what I want and not exercising.

I have decided to do at least 10 minutes of exercise EVERYDAY. And by exercise I mean sweating, out of breathe, heart pumping.

I have an 8 week running challenge I’ll be starting on today… It’s for Mon, Wed and Friday… on the other days I’ll do a 10 minute exercise video.

By the end of June I would have lost 3kgs.

I am going to start writing again, because this has helped me in the past. When I stopped writing, I started gaining weight. Writing helps me confront my eating and exercise habits. and writing my goals helps make me accountable.

Also, I love writing about my achievements… and reading on previous challenges that I have overcome.