Meet our dream girl

Sonya Thomas, the "Black Widow" and winner this weekend of the world Buffalo-wing eating crown (see the whole story here).

This chick downed 173 wings (or 5.17 pounds) in just 12 minutes to win the National Buffalo Wing Festival competition in Buffalo the other day. We're actually protesting the results, because we weren't invited. We're sure that, given 12 minutes, any one of us could easily each down 180 wings if we cut out the 14 beers that usually accompany our wing inhalation.

With that said, it's still hard not to be impressed. Here's what we love about the "Black Widow":

She weighs just 105 pounds ... makes that game of sit-n-spin a lot easier.

She's named for an animal that kills its mate: we can play the submission game, too, honey. Whatever it takes.

She loves Buffalo wings.

We're pretty sure she swallows.

Finally – and file this under "we've died and gone to heaven" – there are actually hot, young wing-eating groupies out there who wear naughty-nurse outfits and follow around competitors who have names like "Dr. Slob." Sounds like there's hope for us, after all.