Remember Vaudeville, that imposing 12-foot-tall, Microsoft-Kinect-controlled mech that was supposed to bear nothing scarier than a mop? Well, Suidobashi Heavy Industry — the Japanese hobbyist collective behind the project — has redubbed their creation "Kuratas," and added such bells and whistles as a H₂O rocket launcher and a hyper-creepy BB gatling gun that's activated by smiles. If it was made of marzipan and candyfloss, Kuratas would be straight out of Willy Wonka's impractical weapons division.

Suidobashi unveiled it at Tokyo's Wonder Festival this weekend. With its 9,920-pound weight and a touted top speed of six miles per hour (that concept video above uses some liberal CGI), Kuratas isn't going to be stopping the Angels of Neon Genesis Evangelion fame (or heck, even the Pink Armadillo) anytime soon.

But should you be so shiftlessly wealthy, Suidobashi is offering these mean machines for $1.3 million a pop. Get it in Camaro colors, create a playlist of nothing but Accept's "Balls to the Wall," and become the scourge of your gated community.