9 Secret Signs of Loneliness

From Elvis to Cher to Akon, musicians have been crooning about loneliness for years.

That's because the emotions that get set off when you're feeling alone can be quite powerful — they can trigger dejection and depression, and in extreme cases, loneliness can lead to earlier death, said psychologist John Cacioppo, PhD, from the University of Chicago.

But everyone feels a little lonely now and again, and experts say that this forlornness can actually be a good thing, as long as you do something about it. "Loneliness is actually an evolutionary adaptation that should spur us to get back to socializing, a state in which we are happier and safer," said Cacioppo.

Could you be lonely without even realizing it? These signs point to "yes."

You're Losing Zzzs

According to research from the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, loneliness can wreck your chances of getting a restful night's sleep. Researchers measured the sleep cycles of 95 people in South Dakota, comparing them to the participant's self-reported loneliness scores (none of them lived isolated lives, but some reported feeling lonelier than others).

The results? The lonelier the participant, the higher the levels of fragmented sleep. "What we found was that loneliness does not appear to change the total amount of sleep in individuals, but awakens them more times during the night," lead author Lianne Kurina, PhD, said in a press release.

"When you feel lonely, you show more micro-awakenings," noted Cacioppo, a co-author of the study. This means you wake up a little bit at night even though you aren't aware of it.

You Take Long, Hot Showers

How does a steamy bath or piping-hot cup of coffee sound to you? If it sounds downright comforting, you may want to read this:

"The lonelier a person is, the more showers and baths they take, the hotter the water, and the longer they stay under the water," said psychologist John Bargh, PhD, a researcher at Yale University who studied physical warmth and social connection. For his research, Bargh surveyed 51 college students about their levels of loneliness and everyday habits, concluding that some people use physical warmth as a substitute for social warmth (the students who reported feeling lonelier also tended to linger in the shower longer).

There's nothing wrong with this, Bargh contends — people are not always in control of the reasons they feel alone (it could be due to a breakup or a recent move). However, you can use this finding to your advantage: Next time you're feeling lonesome, whip up a cup of hot cocoa.

The researchers call this "material possession love," and you've probably witnessed it a number of times (your neighbor who calls his car "baby," or your great aunt who prides herself on her gun collection). Because these folks suffer from a lack of social connections, they start doting on their things.

And as you can probably guess, most experts say possessions aren't a healthy substitute for real-live relationships. In fact, a number of studies indicate that having stuff has little effect on your happiness levels; you'd be better off spending the money on an experience, such as a vacation.

Your Friends Are Lonely

You can catch a cold from your friend — but did you know you can catch his loneliness, too?

Why? When you're feeling empty or isolated, you may behave in more hostile and awkward ways toward another person, who in turn behaves a bit negatively toward someone else (and so on). The result can be an outbreak of social isolation and rejection.

You Have More Facebook 'Friends' Than Real Friends

You know all about your cousin's recent jaunt to Hawaii — but not because she told you about it; you saw her pictures on Facebook.

The research firm Nielsen estimates that the average American spends a little more than four hours on Facebook each month. But some folks hit that number in a week or even a day — and that's not a good thing. "Social networking feels temporarily satisfying for people who turn to that as means of interacting," explained Cacioppo. When you're feeling alone, you might spend more time posting on social networking sites or online game forums than actually picking up that phone and arranging a lunch or dinner date. But having a lot of Facebook friends or Twitter followers won't do much to stave off loneliness; instead, research shows it can exacerbate the problem.

Next time loneliness sets in, Cacioppo suggests using these sites to get in touch with your old friends — instead of just gawking over their wedding photos.

You Blow Things Out of Proportion

How many nerve-racking experiences have you had in the past month?

If you can count them up without much hesitation (traffic jams, terrible weather, rude waitresses), that doesn't necessarily mean your stars were crossed this month — instead, it could point to loneliness.

According to Cacioppo (who has studied the effects of loneliness on our health and stress levels), feeling alone often means you spend too much time ruminating. Research published in Current Directions in Psychological Science showed that people who reported being lonely also reported more sources of stress and childhood adversity in their lives. "The brain goes on the alert for social threats," said Cacioppo.

Your Favorite Jeans No Longer Fit

Have you packed on the pounds? Loneliness and weight gain often go hand in hand, possibly because we tend to compensate for our blues with food. In addition, loneliness can zap motivation — keeping us on the couch instead of on the treadmill. And that means it may also be a predictor of health problems, such as high blood pressure and unhealthy cholesterol levels, said Cacioppo.

But can socializing help you stay skinny? Perhaps, according to a report published in Cell Metabolism. Although the study looked at mice instead of people, the rodents living in lonelier lab settings tended to weigh more than those in social environments.

You're Sick…a Lot

Sniffling, sneezing, and feeling crummy overall? It could be a bad case of loneliness.

Loneliness has a systemic effect, possibly raising our stress hormone levels and making it harder for our bodies to repair the daily wear and tear of life, said Cacioppo. We humans are a social species. In fact, being part of a social network is so biologically fundamental that feeling alone and disconnected might actually hurt our immunity.

You're Depressed

Loneliness is a biological red flag, clueing us in to our need to reach out to others. That's because loneliness often goes hand in hand with one major health problem — depression. In fact, the American Psychological Association says that loneliness is a specific risk factor for the mental health condition.

But just because you've been feeling lonely doesn't mean you are doomed to become depressed. Here's what it does mean: You should start taking steps to nip loneliness in the bud (call up a friend; make dinner plans next week) so you can prevent depression.

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