CHURCH LADIES' INTRODUCTION

Use this sketch as a comic introduction to your program. We used it to introduce our Christmas Dinner Theater.

CAST:

MRS. UPSNOOT

MRS. GRANDEUR

Both of these characters are to be played very broadly. They are both pompous, and self righteous. They are fun characatures.

MRS. STRAIGHT
Played just as her name says.MRS. UPSNOOT:
Alright then Mrs. Grandeur, I'll introduce the program, and then you...

MRS. GRANDEUR::
Wait just a minute Mrs. Upsnoot. Didn't you introduce the last program? Not that I'm keeping track or anything, but ...

MRS. UPSNOOT:
My dear MRS. GRANDEUR, you surely are mistaken. But even if you were right, which you aren't, didn't you get the honor of the organ solo last Sunday morning?

MRS. GRANDEUR::
No no no! that was Sister Longsnout. Anyway, the pastor made it perfectly clear that he wanted someone with a melodious voice, and proper diction to do the introduction, and since I do have a theater background...

MRS. UPSNOOT:
Well I would hardly call reading stories to the childrens church a theater background. Besides, he also said that he wanted someone who has a depth of spiritual maturity.

MRS. GRANDEUR::
(To the Audience)
But not someone with a voice like nails down a chalk board.

MRS. UPSNOOT:
What's that?

MRS. GRANDEUR::
I was saying how just today I heard from the Lord. He was chastising me for not being more generous with the congregation regarding my gifts.

MRS. UPSNOOT:
You do know of course that played in the Christmas pagent with my college bible study group.

MRS. GRANDEUR::
(To the Audience)
Most likely as the tail end of the donkey that Mary rode.

MRS. UPSNOOT:
What's that?

MRS. GRANDEUR::
Oh I was just saying that I'm sure you stole the show.

MRS. UPSNOOT:
Yes well anyway, as I was saying, I'll introduce the program, and you ...

MRS. GRANDEUR::
You most certainly will not! I've already explained to you why I am the more appropriate one to introduce it and ...

MRS. UPSNOOT:
I've had just about enough of you and your "more theatrical than thou" attitude. I said I'll introduce it, and thats...

MRS. GRANDEUR::
I will not allow the congregation to be subjected to a sound that would drive wild animals away!

MRS. UPSNOOT:
Why you I'll...

(Church Ladies are dragged away from each other, snarling, and kicking)