The Semi-Regular

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

The Tao Of Britney

The media has been all over the current Michael Jackson pedophile case but the one savvy media pundit who has been conspicuously absent is the sagacious Britney Spears - until now.

Like pearls of wisdom from a scholarly grandmaster, Britney proclaims to Allure magazine, "He needs someone to be like, 'OK, let's buck you up, let's give you a moustache, let's rough you up, let's go to a bar, let's get drunk and be a man.'"

Teach us more, master.

And so proclaimeth the wise barefoot sage of gas station bathrooms: "And if he didn't do those things, I feel sorry for him. Either way, he needs to get in a fight."

"I have never injected semen in any patient's mouth," said Dr. Jizz. "I never would. I've got a 10-year-old daughter. That whole concept is so beyond me." (oh sure, the "I've got a 10-year old" defense...)

Unfortunately for the Doc, the police confiscated syringes from his office which DNA tests subsequently found to contain traces of one John Hall's semen. D'oh.

So let this be a lesson for you all. Never - EVER - swallow anything at the dentist's office. Hell - I've only ever heard the dentist ask me to spit.

P.S. - kudos to you if you know these women. Apparently, they suck a lot of dick and are so familiar with the taste of semen that they can place it even when squirted into the backs of their mouths with a syringe.