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Friday, 23 May 2014

CCP Fires 50,000 Players

One of Eve's most controversial events occurred today when over 50,000 players were laid off from Eve, with CCP citing 'financial reasons' as their reasoning. It's believed CCP did this in a panic after their in-house economist left and PLEX prices rose to over 770mil isk,

CCP Hellmar took to the roof of CCP Headquarters in Reykjavik, Iceland, to announce the news to the residents of the town. "It has become clear to us that Eve is dying. To survive, we must make sacrifices for the greater goon. Therefore it is with great regret that I announce we will be permanently banning 50,000 accounts in order to sustain Eve to the next decade. Chant with me! DESTROY! DESTROY! Why are you not chanting with me! Come back!"

We asked several people who know what they're talking about to give us an overview of what this means. Ripard Teg, of the popular blog 'Gevlon's Trek', gave us his opinion. "This is clearly going to make the blue doughnut more blue we'll never see another B-R5RB no seriously we won't stop laughing." The blogger formally known as Poetic Stanziel also had something to say. "This is why I told you to take your isk and RMT it, now CCP are just going to steal it and... sell it or something."

However later in the day it became apparent that no one anyone cared about was actually banned; suggesting the sackings had been limited to highsec anti-socials. On hearing this, the community suddenly became a lot more supportive of CCP's actions, with many players who play the game making convincing arguments. "When you think about it, what actually was the point in the highsec ice miners existing? All they did was put up PLEX prices for the honest, hard working nullsec man. Grrr."

Players affected by the lay offs will of course be given financial compensation - their Eve isk will be converted to Dust isk and every thirty days of subscription they have remaining will be converted into one Dust monocle. As most of the people banned have no clue Dust exists, this seems to be the smartest business strategy we've get seen from CCP.