Hope this finds each one of you
healthy, wise and joyous. The weekend at the SHG was in good spirits
with Piyush taking the baton of organizing the session. The session
took off at 1430 hrs with the crowd set in and moods aligned. The
first in the agenda was introduction which went on for a little above
an hour with the members sharing something interesting in addition to
the primary intro. At 1545 hrs started the Fun Game that Piyush had
thought about for the session. The game was about passing on the
smiles which involved the members to go about with telling out aloud
the numbers but shouting out a smile at the repeated number 7.

At every fault the crowd simply
started giggling sheepishly and this set the mood of fun. The play
time continued for a good half hour with various types of number
games on the plate.

At 1620 hrs the Theme of the session
‘Stammering and Relationship’ finally kicked in.

The first one to speak was Akash. He
introduced to the class his challenge in handling a relationship in
the budding stages, his initial denial about stammer while in the
relationship, the toll it took on him, acceptance of his stammer and
finally making peace with it. He is quite famous with the ladies and
has had a couple of on offs relationships. (Something a matter of
pride for a PWS!!!)

Abhinav took the discussion forward
when he explained about his experience and the learning he had from
his relationship which went on for a steady two years. One such
learning was the emotional attachment to your problem (challenge)
that your partner would build. He further explained that how
challenging it is even to this day for him to talk to his mother
about stammering as it would mean provoking a large amount of guilt
which most of us somewhere sometime(if not all the time) witness in
our parents.

Next, Sairam spoke about the
relationship with one’s father. In his case like many of us he too
has been a witness to some of the typical attributes an innocent
father exhibits- feeling of disappointment towards your rate of
improvement, labeling their wards (pws) as irresponsible and not
hardworking. Though it does invoke angst and sadness among the PWS
but it is an unspoken, untold story in every PWS house.

Thenna showed the picture from a
father’s point of view- “why is my son not improving in spite of
the support rendered”? Parents feel it’s up to the ward to fight
his way out when he has been supported with therapies, counseling
etc. While he dealt with these issues, Thenna has observed that at
the end of the day all that we did back then was impress our parents,
satisfy them that we are improving (becoming fluent speakers like
everyone) and winning their approval.

Nayeem talked about the challenges
he faced while growing up and how even to this day it’s hard for
him to make his close ones understand this aspect of what he is
dealing day in and day out.

Sharath highlighted the everyday
crazy (seen from a PWS view) advises we get calm down, relax, yes you
can, try try etc. This he pointed out is even more frustrating when
heard from parents or family. He also talked about how a parent would
feel guilty and self punishing when a PWS digs deep about his
issue…

Nishil came up with his experience
in the budding stages of a potential relationship. He reported that
although he was not involved in a serious relationship but how he
felt quite intense about this whole issue. He summarized that how his
uncertainty played the flair to breakout ultimately. This he
concluded with his own example that it was ultimately the non
acceptance of his challenge and the unexplained fear about rejection
back then which simply stopped him from moving any further.

Navdeep as we know does not have a
stammer but she confessed how challenging it was for her to talk in
public or address a gathering. She recollected her childhood when her
siblings, who are quite elder to her, never took her in their group
and if they did they gave her less opportunity to participate. She
explains it best how this is connected to her fear of public
speaking!

Piyush who was the coordinator
didn’t speak much on this issue but very well supported the class
in bringing in a consensus every now and then. (Sorry Piyush, this is
what I remember you doing)

After being present to all the above
sharing, I simply picked one example or I would say paradox which I
experience day in and day out. I shared about my experience in
attending a defense selection board and twice getting rejected and
the funny but stressful issue I have in directing my cab to my home.

At some point I feel my stammering
is not a thing that requires strength to beat it but an unexplained
riddle. A riddle that simply sits across the bar table and devilishly
laughs at my struggle and sips its drink while I try…. well
everything.

The whole session as you read was
about the challenge of stammering and the day to day relationships
which we all experience and feel quite personal about. As a PWS we
understand how challenging it’s to understand, maintain and adapt
to any relationship.

I would sign off here with this
quote which I came across the other day and am sure most of us
associate in some way somewhere.

“He
was proud and stubborn, and the entire ton
looked up to him. Men curried his favor, women flirted like mad. And
all the while he’d been terrified every time he’d opened his mouth”.

Yes, working on relationships can be very important and difficult for pws. It is because we have never confronted the whole issue ourselves and therefore we keep on attributing all kind of thoughts & motives to others..

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If you have any stake, news, information or opinion on stammering and related issues please do write to the following; Your contribution could also be in any of the Indian languages: info@stammer.in or harishusgaonker@gmail.com or satksri@gmail.com

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