11 Signs It Might Be Time for Assisted Living

11 Signs It Might Be Time for Assisted Living

The decision to help an aging adult move out of a current home is a complex one -- both emotionally and practically. Above all, you want the person to be safe and well. How can you all feel more confident about whether circumstances suggest that your loved one should no longer be living alone?

Keep the big red flags in mind. Certain situations make it more obvious that it's wise to start thinking about alternate living arrangements.

Look for:

Recent accidents or close calls. Did your loved one take a fall, have a medical scare, or get in a fender bender (or worse)? Who responded and how long did it take? Accidents do happen, but as people get older, the odds rise of them happening again.

A slow recovery. How did the person you're caring for weather the most recent illness (for example, a flu or bad cold)? Was he or she able and willing to seek medical care when needed, or did last winter's cold develop into untreated bronchitis?

A chronic health condition that's worsening. Progressive problems such as COPD, dementia, and congestive heart failure can decline gradually or precipitously, but either way, their presence means your loved one will increasingly need help.

Increasing difficulty managing the activities of daily living (ADLs) and instrumental activities of daily living (IADLs).ADLs and IADLs are the skills needed to live independently -- dressing, shopping, cooking, doing laundry, managing medications, and so on. Doctors, social workers, and other geriatric experts evaluate them as part of a functional assessment, which is one way to get an expert's view of the situation. Difficulties with ADLs and IADLs can sometimes be remedied by bringing in more in-home help.

Give your loved one a big hug. Clues aren't always visible from a distance; especially when you don't see the person every day, you might learn more through touch.

Look for:

Noticeable weight loss. Does the person feel thinner? Are clothes loose, or has he added notches to his belt? Many conditions, from depression to cancer, can cause weight loss. A person who is having trouble getting out to shop or remembering how to cook (or to eat) can lose weight; check the fridge and watch meal-prep skills.

Seeming more frail. Do you feel anything "different" about the person's strength and stature when you hug? Can your loved one rise easily from a chair? Does she or he seem unsteady or unable to balance? Compare these observations to the last time you were together.

Noticeable weight gain. Common causes include an injury slowing the person down, diabetes, and dementia (when someone doesn't remember eating, he or she may indulge in meals and snacks all day long). Someone with money troubles may choose fewer fresh foods and more packaged goods or dried pasta and bread.

Strange body odor. Unfortunately, a close hug can also reveal changes in personal hygiene habits. Causes range from memory trouble to depression to other physical ailments.

Changes in appearance. Does the person's hair and makeup look all right? Are clothes clean? Someone known for crisply ironed shirts who's now in a stained sweatshirt may lack the dexterity for buttons or may have lost the strength for managing an ironing board and iron. A formerly clean-shaven man with an unkempt beard may be forgetting to shave (or forgetting how to shave).

Think realistically about the person's social connections. Social circles tend to shrink with age, which can have health and safety implications.

Look for:

Signs of active friendships. Does your loved one still get together for lunches or outings with friends or visits with neighbors, or participate in religious activities or other group events? Does he or she talk about others or keep a calendar of appointments? Lack of companionship is associated with depression and heart problems in older adults. If friends have died or moved away, moving to a place where other people are around could be lifesaving.

Signs that your loved one has cut back on activities and interests. Is a hobby area abandoned? Has a club membership been given up? A library card gone unused? There are many reasons people cut back, but dropping out of everything and showing interest in almost nothing is a red flag for depression.

Days spent without leaving the house. This sometimes happens because the person can no longer drive or is afraid to take public transportation alone and lacks a companion to come along. While many older adults fear being "locked away" in a retirement home, many such facilities offer regular outings that may keep them more mobile and active, not less.

Someone who checks in on a regular basis. If not you or another family member, who does this? Is your loved one willing to consider a home-safety alarm system, a personal alarm system, or a daily calling service?

A plan for a worst-case scenario. If there's a fire, earthquake, flood, or other disaster, is someone on standby to assist? Does your loved one understand the plan?

Riffle through the mail. Your loved one's mail can offer an often-overlooked clue to how he or she is managing money, a common early warning sign of cognitive trouble.

Look for:

Snowdrifts of mail in various places. Finding lots of mail scattered around raises concern about how bills, insurance, and other matters are being managed. (Piles of mail are also a potential tripping hazard.)

Unopened personal mail. Everybody skips junk mail, but few of us can ignore a good old-fashioned, hand-addressed letter.

Unopened bills. This can indicate that your loved one is having difficulty managing finances -- one of the most common first signs of dementia.

Thank-you messages from charities. Older adults are often vulnerable to scammers. Even those who have always been fiscally prudent are vulnerable if they're having trouble with thinking skills (a common sign of Alzheimer's disease). Some charities hit up givers over and over, and your loved one may not remember having donating the first time.

Lots of crisp, unread magazines. The person may unknowingly have repeat-renewal subscriptions he or she doesn't need.

Take a drive -- with your loved one behind the wheel, if he or she is still driving. Living independently in our culture often depends on the ability to drive (or the arrangement of alternate transportation options).

Look for:

Nicks or dents on the car. Notice the car body as you get in and out. Damage marks can be signs of careless driving.

Whether the person promptly fastens his or her seatbelt. Even people with mild dementia usually follow the rote basics of driving. It's worrisome if he or she is forgetting this step.

"¢ Tension, preoccupation, or being easily distracted. The person may turn off the radio, for example, or be unwilling to engage in conversation while driving. He or she may avoid certain routes, highway driving, or driving at night and in rain -- a safe kind of self-policing but also signals of changing ability.

Signs of dangerous driving. People whose driving ability is impaired are more likely to tailgate, drift from their lane, go below the speed limit, react slowly to lights or other cars, and mix up gas and brake pedals. See 8 ways to assess someone's driving.

Warning lights. Check out the dashboard as you ride along. Does the car have sufficient oil, gas, antifreeze, windshield-wiper fluid?

Go through the kitchen, from fridge to cupboards to oven. Because people spend so much time in this room, you can learn a lot.

Look for:

Stale or expired foods. We all buy more than we need. Look for signs that food is not only old but that this is unnoticed -- mold, sour milk that's still used, or expiration dates well past due, for example.

Multiples of the same item. Ten bottles of ketchup? More cereal than can be eaten in a year? Multiples often reveal that the shopper can't remember from one store trip to the next what's in stock at home.

A freezer full of TV dinners. Your loved one may buy them for convenience sake, but frozen dinners tend not to make healthy diet. If there's not much fresh food in the house (because it's too hard to for the person to procure or cook), your loved one might be ready to have help with meal prep or delivery services.

Signs of fire. Are stove knobs charred? Pot bottoms singed badly (or thrown out)? Do any potholders have burned edges? Also look for a discharged fire extinguisher, smoke detectors that have been disassembled, or boxes of baking soda near the stove. Accidents happen; ask for the story behind what you see. Accidental fires are a common home danger for older adults.

Increased use of takeout or simpler cooking. A change in physical or mental abilities might explain a downshift to simpler recipes or food choices.

Look around the living areas. Sometimes the most obvious sign is hard to see because we become so used to it.

Look for:

Lots of clutter. An inability to throw anything away may be a sign of a neurological or physical issue. Obviously it's more worrisome in a neatnik than in a chronic slob. Papers or pet toys all over the floor represent a tripping hazard.

Signs of lax housekeeping. Spills that haven't been cleaned up are a common sign of dementia -- the person lacks the follow-through to tidy. Keep an eye out for cobwebs, bathroom mold, thick dust, or other signs of slackness. Physical limitations can mean your loved one needs housekeeping help or a living situation where this is taken care of for him or her.

Bathroom grime and clutter. A common scenario: Your loved one makes an effort to tidy up living areas but overlooks the bathroom. Or the guest bath is clean, but not the one the person uses all the time (the one off a bedroom, for example). Here you may see a truer picture of how your loved one is keeping up.

Be sure to check out how the other living things are faring. An ability to take care of pets and plants goes along with self-care.

Look for:

Plants that are dying, dead, or just gone. Most of us have seen plants go brown sometimes. Keep an eye out for chronic neglect, especially in a former plant-lover's home.

Animals that don't seem well tended. Common problems: dogs with long nails, cat litter boxes that haven't been changed lately, or dead fish in the fish tank. Poor grooming, overfeeding, and underfeeding are other red flags.

Get the input of others who know your loved one in order to collect a fuller picture of reality. Gently probing about what others think isn't nosy; you're being loving, concerned, and proactive.

Look for:

Input from those in your loved one's circle. Talk to old friends and close relatives to get their sense of how the person is faring. Listen for stories that hint that the person doesn't get out much ("She doesn't come over anymore." "She quit book club."). Pay attention to comments that indicate ongoing concerns ("Has he had that heart test yet?" "We were worried the day the ambulance came.").

Medical insight. With appropriate permission, your loved one's primary doctor may share your concerns about his or her patient's safety at home -- or may be able to alleviate those concerns or suggest where to get a home assessment.

A second opinion. A social worker or professional geriatric care manager visits older adults' homes and does informal evaluations. While your loved one may initially resist the notion of a "total stranger" checking on them, try pitching it as a professional (and neutral) second opinion, or ask the doctor to "prescribe" it. Some people wind up sharing doubts or vulnerabilities with a sympathetic, experienced stranger that they're loathe to admit to their own children or family.

Finally, realize that some of the information you collect is intangible -- it has to do with feelings and emotions, and the stress levels of everyone involved.

Look for:

How you're doing. While this decision to remain in one's home is not primarily about you -- the son, daughter, grandchild, caregiver -- your own exhaustion can be a good gauge of a decline in older adults' ability to care for themselves. Keeping someone at home can require lots of hands-on support or care coordination, and this is time-consuming. If your loved one's need for care is just plain wearing you out, or if a spouse or children are feeling the collective strain of your caregiving activities, these are major signs that it's time to start looking at other options.

Your loved one's emotional state. Safety is crucial, of course, but so is emotional well-being. If someone living alone is riddled with anxieties or increasingly lonely, then that may tip the scales toward a move not solely based on health and safety reasons.

If your loved one has a full life, a close neighborhood and community connections, and seems to be thriving, it's worth exploring as many in-home care options as possible before raising stress levels by pressing a move from a beloved home.

If, on the other hand, your loved one is showing signs that living alone is a strain, it may be time for a talk. Broach the subject of where to live in a neutral way and you may find that your loved one harbors the same fears for current and future safety and security that you do. Find out what your loved one fears most about moving and about staying before launching into your own worries and what you think ought to be done.

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About the Author

Paula Spencer Scott, contributing editor, is the author of Surviving Alzheimer's. A Met Life Foundation Journalists in Aging fellow, she writes extensively about health and caregiving; four of her family members have had dementia.

Comments

My "Mom".... She thinks as long

as I'm around everything is OK. But, its not. I'm the only one left. We haven't had a relationship for 30 years, until Sept of 2014. She went into Hosp. Found out she has cancer and want no treatment. Today is her birthday 3-31-32. She lives at home and I just can't be here 24/7. She lives by Sellwood and I live in WoodVillage in a chair and no car. I mention about moving and she recognizes it, but that's as far as it goes. She doesn't have a ... a oh gosh someone who has control over her stuff. So no one can MAKE her do anything. My head and emotions are turning in circles I'm exhausted........ Someone? Please?....

A fellow caregiver
said...

2 days ago

I am at my wits end with my mom

Sending a loved one to an assisted

living facility is never an easy decision to make. It shows that their condition is far below what it used to be. These signs definitely make it easier to figure out whether or not it's necessary. Looking at the signs, from tons of discarded mail to deteriorating bathrooms, it looks like the biggest sign is just neglect. If they're neglecting their home, it's probably because they physically can't take care of it anymore. At that point it would make sense that you should start looking for a good retirement or nursing home. Thanks for the tips!

Realizing that assisted living

is necessary is a hard truth for you and your elderly loved one to accept. However, assisted living is a necessity for that person's well-being. I've been considering to find a service for my mom lately. I'm definitely going to do what you said and walk around the yard and house to see if she's been able to take care of them. If not, I'll definitely have to look into hiring a service for her. Hopefully I find a really good one.

An anonymous caregiver
said...

about 1 month ago

It's definitely difficult to know

when you need to make sure that you're loved ones get help. These tips could definitely help make the process easier, but it's not a guarantee at all. I think it's important to keep in touch with people who may need this kind of help. Getting professional opinions can also help a lot. I know that if a doctor told me to put my grandpa in assisted living, I would do everything I could to make sure he gets helped.

This has been a great discussion

post. There are so many variables that what is right for one elderly person may not be the best solution for the next person. Also, clearly it makes a difference whether the person is 70 or is 100, can walk or not, or has dementia or not.
I was told my parents, both 90 years old, would be better off living in their own home and not some assisted living place. Made perfect sense...until it came down time to "who" was going to be the caregiver. I, being the only son in California was elected by default into the position along with my little daughter. I love my parents, but bottom line, it has been nothing short of grueling and has taken its toll on "our" health more than theirs. The stress, putting our lives on hold, their ingratitude, all of it. My father eventually was admitted to a nursing home due to our inability to overcome mobility problems and deal with late stages of Alzheimer's Disease and related dementia. He "is" where he needs to be and is getting the right help there, so we visit him regularly. My mother because of finances and insurance issues remains with us at home. I have now come full circle and believe we all need to write a new chapter in our lives. We're doing her a great disservice to continue this living arrangement. Yes, she has a reverse mortgage, so rent is free, though that means nothing considering none of us want to be here anymore. Being happy, at least content is vital to everyone. There is absolutely not a shred of doubt in my mind that she will thrive in assisted living, with the interaction of other seniors, scheduled group and senior activities, and a caring knowledgeable staff. They are better equipped to handle the progression of old age.
I guess growing old is all a process. For us, it is about taking an honest inventory of where we are at and what is the best for the entire family...coming to terms with what what is working and what is not.
There is much to overcome for the elderly...I had no idea! Right now, mom has no hearing aids and everyone tells me," Quit screaming at your mother so much!" I feel like telling them, "What are you stupid, can't you see that I have to yell, if I don't she won't hear me!" lol

I have Hepatitis C,irregular heartbeat,

Atrial Fibulation,anemia,diabetes, foot drop,anxieties and depression at times.Including all the signs of Extreme liver disease.Confusion,forgetting at times to take my medications,forgetting things on the stove,losing things because I cannot remember where I put them,or put them down and walk off without it.
To put it lightly is a joke.I have no family or friends to help me,I have been on my own most of my life and now I am terrified of what is coming.
I have a primary care doctor but am not allowed to see her until Feb.23.My health is failing fast,but I cannot seem to get it through to the managed care group that I need to be under a doctors care immediately.
I can barely walk anymore and need a wheelchair and be living in W/C accessible housing.
I can no longer manage on my own and I am the first to admit it.

Yup, those nursing home ads make

the facility look so attractive. Spend some time there. My husband had to be in one to get rehab after a hospitalization . It was very highly rated. When I came to see him, he was lying flat on his back, staring at the ceiling. His TV was off; his call button was clipped to the wall out of his reach (intentionally, I'm sure). there was neither a nurse or aide to be seen. The only thing I can say is that he and the place were clean. He was there a couple of days before he had to be returned to the hospital because he had pulled out his NG tube. I refused to have him returned to that nursing home. I had to borrow the money because the rehab hospital where he would actually get rehab. wanted the money up front. He was there a month and came home able to do for himself. If the time ever comes that he can't, we have a problem, because I have arthritis in both knees and my back, and have to take care of all of the bills, his meds, whatever housekeeping I am able to do, the shopping for food and necessities, and it's getting harder to walk. We have no support system. There is no money for a nursing home or in home care, besides which, out of the three I went through with my father, only one was good: the last one, and even there, I think the care was so good because I was there every night after work, and I was vocal about any concerns. I think the care in any nursing home is only as good as the family's oversight of it, so don't think you can place your loved one and walk away feeling secure that they are in good hands. You have to BE there a lot.
So, here we are. I often wish I had never married. It's hard enough dealing with one's own aging, and no matter how much you love each other, sooner or later, you will be alone. Better to get used to it early.

An anonymous caregiver
said...

3 months ago

Just a note of caution to those

contacting a Caring volunteer to talk about options for a loved one. I made the mistake of calling from the home of my sister-in-law and giving that number where I could be reached while we were visiting her in CA (we live in CO) not realizing it would be shared. The person with whom I spoke was very helpful and we discussed options, but I did not realize that the phone number would be put into a "system". Already, this morning (Mon.), I've intercepted at least 5 calls from very professional and understanding placement people. Had my sister-in-law answered the phone, however, the situation could have become very difficult for us in that we are only in the first stages of addressing the issue of "moving" and she would not understand why she is getting these calls. Although I am asked for by name, I worry that when we leave, the calls may continue.
The article, however, is excellent and helped us not only recognize that each of the 11 symptoms are present in our situation, but that we are not alone! Thus my initial call for help.
I'm saddened when reading responses from both caregivers and those in need who take offense or express indignant anger due to their own denial of reality, from those wishing that circumstances were identical to those they reacall when "they were young", or from who are offended that the traditions of every society are not addressed by its author. I'm impressed by the acceptance of the negativity directed toward those involved with Caring.com who are able to continue their volunteer efforts so graciously in spite of such negativity in order to assist those of us who appreciate their knowledge and need their compassion and understanding for a myriad of circumstances and situations. You are truly earning your "wings"!

Great article! Very comprehensive

this is a good post but i have

already taken my sister 72 and her man 71 out of their apt for all the reason you stated and moved them in the me a yr and 1/2 ago ,they both have dementia/ alzheimers ,i quit my job to care from them so they dont go in a assistent /or a care facility -im still looking in to getting paid for their care to suppliment the income i loss -all i get is one person telliing me to all another and the run around is very frusterating ----

If a busy body family member thinks

Either these signs are very realistic

or you have been observing my spouse for some time.
In home care is expensive, Assisted living? Ever had an elderly person say they look forward to making that step? Of course not but the brochures and advertising that the care giver gets appear to show life as quite happy. Initial reject signal when evaluating a home, the faint smell of urine... Leave immediately, that is the old age equivalent of "seeing one cockroach in broad daylight"

An anonymous caregiver
said...

4 months ago

After 4 years of sorting out my

parent's life, and loosing 1 parent, I could write a book. Navigating through all of it is frustrating, sad, and eye-opening. There are days you'll laugh, days you'll cry, and days you'll be amazed at how wonderful and helpful some strangers and caregivers can be. The biggest obstacle is your own denial because you don't want to see your parents loose their independence, get old, sick, and die. Forget about your own "comfort" level, and what you're "supposed to do" as a child of an aging parent, and look at the reality.........unlike the "old days" when your Mom was home to take care of the family, and possibly Grandma and Grandpa, the world has changed, you have to work, people are living much longer, and some of us need help, and shouldn't feel guilty about it. Think about what's best for them, and their situation. Don't think a month ahead, look 3 years ahead, and project the future complications of their current health issues, because you don't want to make multiple moves to places that won't work after 6 months or a year (I moved them twice in 6 months), The truth is, it's the "little" signs, like those listed in the article that are the key. Parents have pride in themselves and their homes, and never want to admit that they're struggling......you have to be a "detective" to figure it out. You want to look at things on the surface and believe them when they say that everything is OK, but you really can't, because if you dig, they're not OK. I found that watching their behavior IN THEIR OWN HOUSEHOLD is important. I have siblings that used to meet my parents out for dinner or an event, such as a party, and all seemed rosey, but at their house, which by the way was worth over a million bucks, the place was dirty, 2 burners on the stove didn't work, half of the light bulbs in the house were out, the toilet was running (and they couldn't hear it), there was moldy food in the fridge, their clothes were smelly, and they weren't taking their medication on schedule. Someone commented about "snooping", but the truth is that that's how you uncover problems. I discovered that some bills were being paid twice, and some not at all, Mom's life insurance had lapsed (thank God I was able to reinstate it), interest charges on credit cards were piling up because only minimum payments were being made, when they had plenty of money in the bank to pay in full. They weren't giving the accountant documentation that would have given them additional write-offs. Their wallets were filled with multiple credit cards (they were suckered into opening cards that would give them special discounts), most that they didn't use. In addition, if you examine prescriptions, you'll probably find that doctors are writing prescriptions for 30 day supplies, when they could be writing 90, which would offer some savings (in the case of one of my Mother's prescriptions, the savings was $45), and whoever goes to the pharmacy would have to go less often. You'd be doing them a favor by "downsizing" their wallets to leave them with one or two credit cards, which would cut down on mail, catalogs, etc, and make it easy if their wallets were ever lost or stolen.
Keep in mind that there is no perfect solution. If you can afford one, you can get a home aid, and it's hard to find a good one, but all your parent will do all day is sit around like a couch potato and watch TV. Someone will still have to bring them to physical therapy, the doctor, the hairdresser, the lab for their bi-weekly or monthly blood work (if they take coumadin) etc, and they will have no social life. There is no perfect solution, you have to work with what's out there, and try to get the rest of your family on board to supplement what's missing. Assisted Living is a great help, because to me safety, access to medical care, medication management, balanced meals and socialization is at the top of the list, and Assisted Living provides all. You may have "sticker shock" when you visit an Assisted Living facility, but do yourself a favor....make a spreadsheet of all of their house expenses (don't forget groceries, heat, electric, phone, cable, landscaping, snow removal, garbage removal, a cleaning person, homeowner's insurance, taxes, mortgage payments, car and car insurance payments, if they're still driving), and compare, and you'll probably be surprised. Even if the house is paid off, there are still lots of expenses. Then think about future costs such as an aging roof, furnace, and making their home handicap accessible (which by the way will be a deterrent when you eventually sell the house). Think of the priceless intangibles......that you can spend time "visiting" your parents at Assisted Living, or taking them out for the day, overnight, or weekend, and not going to their house and being the handyman or housekeeper, as I was. If and when (it will happen more frequently as they get older) you have to take them to the emergency room they'll be brought in immediately with all necessary paperwork with the Assisted Living facility, and you can meet them at the hospital, instead of sitting for hours in a waiting room for attention. You'll also be able to sleep at night knowing they're safe, and you won't get the constant phone calls about the "drama of the day" because Mom will be busy getting her nails and hair done, Dad will be chatting with the guys, and they'll be looking forward to the daily movie, bingo game, craft class, book club meeting, exercise class, or trip to a winery, casino, community concert, Target, Macy's or Walgreen's.
It might sound like I sent my parents away, but I didn't.....they were part of the decision with some coaxing (after I toured the good, bad, and ugly, and narrowed it down to a few), and along with one other sibling out of four of us that was involved, and not in denial, I got a piece of my life back. Sadly, two of my siblings spent the last few years of my Dad's life being bitter towards me because they felt that I took my parents away from "the family home" (which by the way, they couldn't afford anymore), and not visiting a lot because they wouldn't embrace the benefits of Assisted Living and were afraid and uncomfortable interacting with the older population. I believe today, they are full of regret for what they didn't do. I, on the other hand, got to spend the last few years of my Dad's life doing things that made him comfortable, and made him smile.....taking him on outings, visiting his old friends, taking a drive or sitting outside reading the paper to him, knowing that the day to day stuff was in someone else's hands.
Hope this helps. There's another topic of creating trusts and wills that I left out, but that's another story.......PS, the best thing that you can do is learn a lesson from all of it, downsize when the time is right, and let your kids know what you want for your future!

My grandparents are getting older.

It was very well done. I would

be interested in hearing your tips about how to best care for a mom in her 90s who doesn't want to be in the retirement center. She prefers to be alone and isn't used to having her life run by institutional patterns (such as sharing laundry machines, going to dinner at specified times, and so on.) The family thinks she's better off at the center because she's around other people, but that's one of the things she complains about. Every week she says she wants to move back to the house. Besides listening compassionately, what else would you suggest to help her be more comfortable? Thanks!

Yes, we know all these symptoms,

but when you go out there, everything turns into money,money,money. So, If you can not afford at least 2,000 a month!! separate from your regular budget, your parents will die without proper help, because all of us work to pay rent and utilities, food and all of the regular, and have no Veterans, or are rich.
Sad, but good luck with that. You will not qualify. Don't let them fool you.

This may be signs help is needed

Many of these are very good tips

to look for, but for some of us who have never been social, the lack of friends or staying at home is not abnormal. Neither is clutter if we have always been lax about housekeeping.
Assisted living? Don't make me laugh. I make a very small social security check. It wouldn't even pay for a month. Hopefully I will be dead before I have to leave my home. My mind, thank God is still very good, even if the arthritis affects my ability to do much around the house. I do keep my bills paid, keep up with my husband's medications and doctors' appointments, and deal with any problems that arise.. The house gets cleaned with a lick and a promise when I feel well enough to do it. I have a nephew who helps me. I don't and never have invited anyone outside the family into my house because I have never been terribly diligent about housekeeping, In fact, I hate it, and do the bare minimum.I loved working, but my position was eliminated 8 years ago, Not working has not made me more interested in keeping house, so again the state of my house is not a good indicator of anything except my intense dislike of housekeeping.
I am depressed for a very good reason: I don't see anything good about aging, and there is only one way out of it.
There is no one size fits all in this situation.

Who looks for the 11 signs it might

be time for assisted living when the afflicted one has no children? I have been watching the tv show hoarders it seems failure to diagnose is the biggest cause. When home gets gutters frozen causing ice dams and mold in walls the resident of house gets brain decline, then the pests move into home causing more brain decline. Insurers take money but do not cover the care people and houses really need. How many physicians even ask about home conditions? They have lots of money and just assume the patients call for repairman as they do.

My 59 year old brother lives alone,

we believe that he is suffering from frontotemporal loba dementia, The house is inhabitable. Books and mail strewn everywhere. His refridgerator is frozen partially open. His balance is off. We tried having him stay at our house, he was found wandering along the highway one mile away. He drinks two liters of Dr. Pepper in the evenings and walks up and down the hallway all night, He also visits the bathroom about every fifteen minutes. We have appointment with neurologist in fifteen days. What is the best way to get him into a nursing facility.

I have been shuttled from home

to home for the last 5 years. Living alone, living In a senior citizen apartment building, living with my son and his family and now living with my daughter and 2 cats and a puppy. Because I have always been able to keep my scale of real pain, nerves, emotional problems, my family thinks I am a hypochondriac or just faking my symptoms. I cry almost every night after they go to bed because if I cry in front of them they tell me to "chill out" or that "everyone hurts a little bit as they age." They took my license away and sold my car; took over my finances; moved me over 1000 miles away to Pensylvania from Illinois and left me with no friends and no social life (my daughter is single with no children but she works 40 hour shifts. My hygiene has gone to almost nil; I am depressed making myself sick 24/7 and she doesn't even notice it. She has decided she's going to stay with her (and I do appreciate it but I need a bit more help) until I die; in fact, she's planning on moving to St. Croix in a few years -- would have been wonderful 30 years ago! I shouldn't complain because compared to so many poor people, I have it made.

Hello,
If you are looking

for housing options in your area, Caring.com's Family Advisors can help locate a community that meets your financial needs as well as other factors. Family Advisors can be reached by phone 7 days a week at (800) 325- 8591.

need more info on costs ...

An anonymous caregiver
said...

about 1 year ago

Helpful to read of the things to

be watching for.

An anonymous caregiver
said...

about 1 year ago

It is good to have caretakers come

in and take care of an elderly parent ....but what do you do when they the elderly parent start getting rid of them and there is no else for them to send ...just because they don't like what they are doing

Yes it was .The information reenforces

what we are seeing with a family. Member who has Alzheimer's.
The family member is still in her own home with in house companions but we
Know it will be necessary to consider a memory unit in an assisted living facility

Especially the last few items.

Because of those (how to have the driving talk, and How to have "the housing talk), I intend to send this on to my daughter. She is the one (with help from her uncle and 3 cousins) will have to be the one to "assist" with those issues. I am dreading that phase of my survival. I am afraid that I will take offense at the way in which she does "the talks". I can just see that coming. Any future of that is too soon.

I was on this site for 5 minutes

Thanks everyone for your comments!

@Colin B. -- Please contact your local county agency for assistance offline, such as the agency on aging: http://www.caring.com/local/area-agency-on-aging If you need help finding an assisted living community, our family advisors are also available by phone (toll-free): (866) 824-8174 If you're experiencing an emergency, the best way to get immediate help is to call 911 rather than go online in the comments section of an article. Thanks again, and hopefully these resources will be helpful to you.

If this was an emergency, I could

If only I could get a properly

and thoroughly trained professional on these matters to come to my home and to help me to get organized. As an invalid, I'm already in over my head, especially since my dear mom died, and nobody cares.

An anonymous caregiver
said...

over 1 year ago

self assessment

I subscribed to Caring.com years

ago, anticipating this time in my life; as a caregiver, my family member is on the borderline of needing more care. This needs assessment and its linked article about in-home care serve as important self-assessment tools - how I'm doing as the caregiver and areas in which I need to improve.

An anonymous caregiver
said...

over 1 year ago

Yes the 11 signs are accurate,

HOWEVER, if the elderly person does not have funds to pay for Assisted Living, it's not happening. Other parts of the world, and in this country not too long ago, elderly were cared for at home, without question. Yes it is a huge task, but the caregivers were supported by the community in their task. The problem nowadays is that modern medicine has extended elderly lives waaaaay past their due date. We should not be putting pacemakers, hips, and cancer treatments in people past an agreed-upon age, perhaps it is 80, or 85. I have 2 parents age 93 and 97, basically watching TV all day long, peeing and crapping in their $1 a pair Depends, not contributing to society, yet their costs are $50,000 per year, EACH. What good is this?

Helps us not feel guilty about

It is helpful to me in evaluating

myself. I recently lost my husband, so I am alone and trying to cope with all that entails. At 85, I have to consider all options. So far I'm making it, but I'm sire this can't last forever. My children all live at least 6 hours away.

For anonymous and others asking

about how to proceed with finding assisted living and getting help: Our team of Family Advisors is available to assist by phone seven days a week: (866) 824-8174. Your local Area Agency on Aging is also a resource you can call to find assistance: http://www.caring.com/local/area-agency-on-aging Please use the search bar at the top of Caring.com pages to find senior care tips on specific topics (such as getting family involved). The menus at the top of Caring.com pages also link to popular articles that may be of interest and help to you. Thank you!

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