America’s 4 Biggest Public Enemies

So, let’s get a few things thing out of the way before we start this up. I’m bisexual. I’m Ashkenazi Jewish. I was born with a vagina. I come from a pretty financially unstable background, and I’m mentally ill as fuck. While I look white enough that a cop isn’t gonna shoot me in the face in broad daylight and claim that I deserve it because I have an attitude problem, white Christians have been doing their best to oppress and exterminate people like me for thousands of years.

While the risk I face is not as dire as the millions of people Trump wants to deport, or the middle eastern children Trump and his friends will bomb to supposedly protect, but are not willing to allow into our country, which is largely descended of immigrants and refugees, I cannot help but look the fuck around and notice that shit is so fucked up right now. I also can’t help but notice that the people who only wish their ancestors had done a better job of killing my predecessors, so I would never have been born and couldn’t mouth off, are in power.

Fear is in my DNA. Being able to properly assess threats and sheer luck are the only things that separates me and my family members from the millions of our dead kin. My great grandmother escaped the pogroms in Russia on a fucking boat with a baby and (probably) a potato strapped to her. I’m only alive because she went “fuck this” and came to America. In her honor, I have looked around, said “fuck this,” and am now working on hopefully leaving America.

“That’s right. While we have spent decades destroying The Middle East on flimsy pretexts, in what has been called the War on Terror, American citizens are over here terrorizing the absolute shit out of their own country.”

These are four forces I view as huge potential threats to my life, and honestly the lives of others in this country. Because even if you aren’t a sniveling wreck with thousands of years of trauma stored in your shitty cells, you probably breathe air, drink water, and will die if someone shoots you.

I mean, not to rely on stereotypes or anything. Sorry. I don’t mean to assume. Maybe you’re an armored plant that runs on sunlight, and your mother dipped you in a magic river as a child and nothing can harm you. My bad.

America’s 4 Biggest Public Enemies

Anyway, let’s get the obvious piece of shit I feel personally threatened by, and think you should too, out of the way.

Donald Trump.

I’m not gonna go too deep into this, because this isn’t revolutionary or interesting at this point. Every other day something terrible Trump has done comes out, and despite his slide into the White House spiking me on a six week depressive episode, I could wake up to him surprise fisting my asshole tomorrow and I wouldn’t even blink. I would just be like “Yeah, sounds about right.”

I would then then read all of the think pieces from Breitbart about how I’m a whore and I deserved it, with the detached glazed look of someone who has dissociated past the point of ever coming back.

If Trump wasn’t going to get us blown the fuck up, he would be the most hilarious senile grandpa ever, except for those few times he tried to rape you as a child. Aside from him making me, someone who has been a victim of sexual violence, confront just how cool Americans are with people getting raped, his policies spell out misery for the majority of Americans and apocalypse for earth. Suppressing scientists and intellectuals is the gateway drug to fascism, kids. And I know what fascism leads to. It’s people like me in a fucking gas chamber by the millions. I’m out of here.

About that planet tho:

As the prophet Nelly once said “It’s getting hot in here.”

As the prophet Nelly didn’t say, “It’s getting hot in here because of man-made stupidity and arrogance, which is also poisoning our air and water. We are all gonna fucking die.”

Also, there’s this really good vegan diner in Brooklyn called Champ’s Diner where I got a vegan crunch wrap one time. If most of the world is underwater, this diner would also be underwater, and I wouldn’t be able to go back. Tortillas don’t really hold onto their crunch under water, and it kind of ruins the overall mouth feel. Which is the real tragedy.

Mike Pence

This is also fairly obvious. No shit the Fuhrer and Vice-Fuhrer have everyone who likes not living in a fascist dictatorship quaking in their thrifted boots. But, like, I want to get a little serious here for a second. I see a lot of people begging for Trump to be impeached, so Pence can take over directly.

I DON’T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE ASKING FOR.

Look, symbolically, Trump is triggering for a lot of people. I 100% understand. Seeing his face and hearing his voice makes me feel physical panic. A big part of my job is writing about him, and it’s probably part of why I drink so much. He’s also a complete embarrassment on multiple levels. He tweets like a freshly divorced bitter alcoholic that is new to the English language, has spent half of his presidency on vacation, and a lot of people think he might have dementia.

Honestly, I thought he was just a prick. But after seeing him take a kid’s hat to sign it, forget what he’s doing halfway through, and throw it into a crowd of people while the kid wails in despair, I think all the people claiming the old fuck might have dementia are onto something.

Vice President Mike Pence’s legacy as Governor of Indiana is creating a massive HIV outbreak through budget cuts. He had Indiana looking like what all those racist white savior complex commercials want to tell you all of Africa is. 20 people a week were being diagnosed with HIV in Indiana in 2015. Then Pence turned to Obamacare to save the people in his state who he had literally tried to kill by defunding Planned Parenthood in the name of Jesus, only to run on the platform of dismantling Obamacare two years later.

By having no government experience at all, Trump has a record that leads me to believe in him more than Mike Pence’s.

Do you really want the guy that pulled a Reagan move like that in the year of our lord 2015 as your president?

Don’t get me wrong, both of these fucks should be put in a box and lowered into the center of the earth, but having Trump impeached and replaced with Pence will most likely solve none of our problems.

The American Democratic Party

Yeah. I’m queer. I’m Jewish. I don’t eat meat. I read books recommended by David Bowie called things like “The Age of American Unreason” and “The Brutality of Fact.” I should probably be with a bunch of other full of shit liberals jerking off. I should be watching my friend, who is a composer, and my other friend, who is an opera singer, 69 each other in the back of a Prius right now.

The liberal establishment is just as dangerous as the conservative one, possibly even worse in certain aspects. In fact, both sides act more or less the same.

Both liberals and conservatives rally around figureheads, and defend them ruthlessly regardless of the reality of their actions. While Obama was a cool guy, a brilliant public speaker, and a deft politician who broke new ground by soaring to incredible heights while dealing with a system that still seeks to enslave people that look like him in for profit prisons, and also I 10/10 would bang him, he did a lot of fucked up shit in the name of furthering American imperialism. His administration was low key deporting people left and right, and responsible for 10 times more drone strikes than Bush’s. Not one liberal gave a peep about how fucked up any of that was until Trump got on that deportation grind.

If you so much as mention any of that to an Obama fanatic, you can physically see the look on their face change as their butthole tightens up. I would love to go more into the fucked up shit Obama did with a twinkle in his eye and a sensual spring in his step, but I’m already pushing my word count because I receive sexual gratification from complaining. And I have one more threat to get to.

I told you I was Jewish. You should have expected this.

The American Democratic party is the exact same warmongering imperialist threat to humanity that the Republican party is. While wearing a mask of gentility and intellectualism and moral righteousness, they ultimately play the same game. Hell, the dems may have rigged their own fucking primary to bow to corporate interests. They have been bought and sold 1000 times, and can barely pretend to be actual people and not just lizards in human suits. They don’t stand for shit. Even Bernie Sanders went from “Trump is Hitler and we must stop him!” to “We will work with Hitler because I’m sure he means well.”

Look at Hillary Clinton. There is a person who is actually a lizard if I have ever seen one.

White Christian Terrorists

Yo, so I want to lay down a scenario for you.

A dude shows up in a public place with an assault rifle, mumbles warped religious dogma, and opens fire on unarmed people. Multiple people die and are wounded.

I’m pretty sure that’s the textbook definition of a terrorist attack.

But for some reason, when that dude is white, his religion is Christian, and the place he’s opened fire on is a Planned Parenthood clinic, he’s just a mentally ill loner or something. And no news outlet describes it as a terrorist attack.

You know that if Robert Lewis Dear, who shot up a Planned Parenthood Clinic in Colorado Springs in 2015 was even a little dark, or a little foreign, he would have instantly been branded a terrorist. But for some reason, when you’re a white guy shooting up a medical care facility (that mostly provides STD testing), because you want to stop them from harvesting fetus parts, you are just kinda sad. It’s a weird freak isolated incident. It’s nbd.

Only it’s not actually nbd. While Trump and middle aged white people wail about refugees infecting our soil or whatever, and how Islam is a public safety threat, it turns out that’s actually wrong. According to FBI stats, Non-Muslims have been behind over 90% of all the terrorist attacks in America between 1980 and 2005.

That’s right. While we have spent decades destroying The Middle East on flimsy pretexts, in what has been called the War on Terror, American citizens are over here terrorizing the absolute shit out of their own country. In fact, over 300 people have died in numerous mass shootings and in the midst of political violence since 9/11. Only 33 of these incidences were caused by Muslims.

I didn’t even know there were radical political Jews out there killing people, and that honestly sounds more like a punk band to me than a real threat to public safety, but statistically you are more likely to be shot in the face by a radical extremist Jew than a Muslim, in America.

However, if you are gonna die in a terrorist attack, it’s most likely gonna be a white supremacist throwing that bomb, on the other end of that gun, or holding that knife. They have killed twice as many people as Muslim extremists, and their whiteness protects them from any kind of scrutiny, or meaningful societal pushback. These people are allowed to, totally unchecked and protected by our culture’s desire to uphold whiteness as the standard of excellence, kill whoever they want without anyone going too deep into it.

Donald Trump has emboldened these people. He has validated them. He and his friends also want to make sure that anyone can get a fucking gun, no questions asked. And as white men with an axe to grind become increasingly armed, belligerent, and validated in their views, with those in the highest positions of power behind them, I can only imagine an America ahead of us more terrifying than anyone could ever imagine.

So I’m going to leave.

Periodically humanity flexes its deepest desires for death and horror, and cannibalizes itself in massive numbers. These touch society from root to tip, even fucking with the elites who casually benefit off the suffering of most of the population without thinking about it most of the time. We may be on the cusp of another era of that.

Or we might not.

Everything might be fine.

But I’m still leaving.

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Isadora Teich is a freelance writer and traveler. They’ve written social media copy, tabloids, news, erotica, opinion pieces, quizzes, have worked on film scripts, and do some ghostwriting from time to time. Isadora lives for artistic experimentation and is working on a novel.

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Comments

I should send you to any of those countries to realize just how stupid you are. And obama is the worst US president ever. Trump the best especially for Jews and Israel, and You have to be, like all brainwashed Democrats are, mental not to have the logic to recognize FACTS.

America’s problems are more from within. It’s difficult for U.S. President Donald J. Trump to make things better when everything Trump does, the Democratic politicians will vote 100% against him. The Democrat leadership forces the Democrats to vote 100% against Trump’s agenda, because if they don’t, they won’t get Democrat funding for their campaign. The Democrats aren’t Americans, they’re Communists. They give more rights to illegal aliens than an American citizen. They put up Islamic values and put down Christian values. They want open borders, a weak military and believe in abortion. They made legal, same-sex marriage. They made legal for a male transvestite to go into a women’s restroom or locker room. They open up the definition of the sexes, to include more than the sexes: Male or Female. They passed and want to keep the failure health care system, ObamaCare (Affordable Care Act or ACA), in place. And they don’t want to make the federal tax system simpler. I’m sure I can put more than this, but I can’t think of them now.