For some reason, we seem to have a problem understanding that feces are, indeed, smelly. We smell millions, possibly billions of dollars trying to hide away a fact of the human body in what I like to refer to as *pushes up glasses* *pulls down overhead screen* *whips out pointer thing* the Poop Industrial Complex. …

Make sure to disinfect your hands by removing the first three layers of epidermis and then soaking them in bleach for ten minutes after you send your next text. Because, seriously, your hands are fucking disgusting and your precious iPhone is a germ magnet.

This just in: "Leave the toilet seat up, some British doctors now say. The reason: a rising trend for heavy wooden and ornamental toilet seats to fall down onto the penises of unsuspecting (and just potty-trained) toddlers." [LiveScience]

All is not well in the land of Oprah. As O: The Oprah Magazine editor Lisa Kogan explains, female staffers at the namesake magazine of the daytime doyenne have a habit of pissing on the toilet seats, and one, in particular, is to urine-spraying what Jackson Pollock was to abstract expressionism. Nicknamed "The…