Dr. Patti Taylor

Sheri Winston

Anton interviews Sheri Winston, a former certified midwife, registered nurse, and sexuality and childbirth educator of women's health, who now teaches "Wholistic Sexuality" as a pathway to living an ecstatic, orgasmic, life.
She offers in this interview a new paradigm of sexuality for men & women who are looking for wisdom about themselves, their bodies, their health concerns, and their potential for greater orgasmic expression in their lives.

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Transcript

Sheri Winston on “Wholistic Sexuality”

Announcer: This program is intended for mature audiences only.

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Anton Diaz: ..Welcome to "Expanded Orgasm"! ...I'm your host, Anton, and today on the show we are talking about a holistic view of sexuality that reveals the body's mysteries for pleasure and orgasm. Our guest today is Sheri Winston.

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First of all, about ten percent of women in our culture have never experienced an orgasm.

Anton Diaz: mmm!

Sheri Winston: ...And.. usually, if someone is not sure if they've had one or not, they probably haven't. So what I really want people to understand is, there's nothing wrong with them. They're not broken, they just haven't gotten the lessons that they need, and there's nothing to be ashamed of, either. In fact, if somebody asks me..do I know how to play the piano, I would say no, and I wouldn't feel embarrassed or ashamed.
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Anton Diaz: Sheri is known throughout the United States and Canada for being a warm, wise, wonderful teacher and counselor in sexuality for men and women. Forming her unique and revolutionary new paradigm of holistic sexuality, Sheri blends her knowledge as a former registered nurse, a midwife, and....weaves it with her embodiment as a pelvic priestess juicy goddess, and in her own words, a pussy specialist. I am... very excited to have Sheri on our show today, and.. I would like to welcome Sheri!

Sheri Winston: Welcome, Anton! Thanks for having me!

Anton Diaz: Sheri, I am please to have you with us today, and I think our listeners really care about the quality of their sexual pleasure, and basically want to know more about how to become more orgasmic.

Sheri Winston: Well, I think there are a lot of things that people can do to help them learn how to become more orgasmic.

Anton Diaz: Beautiful!..

Sheri Winston: There are techniques and there's information, but I think it's important for people to have ..a foundation -- of understanding that their sexuality begins with their relationship with themselves. And so the first thing I recommend for people is that a lot of the things that they want to learn and need to learn, they can learn with partners, but also take practicing, playing and exploring with themselves.

Anton Diaz: Hmmm! That sounds like we're going to have a lot of.. uninterrupted fun, cause we get to set it up with ourselves! (laughs)

Sheri Winston: That's right, I actually recommend that people have "dates" with themselves.

Anton Diaz: Wow.

Sheri Winston: Learning dates, play dates, all kinds of fun.

Anton Diaz: Well, Sheri, to get more specific, our show today's all about how to develop our bodies and minds toward becoming that orgasmic being. And, today, I would like to approach three subjects here. First of all, what women need to know about their bodies that will give them the absolute best orgasms, and number two, I also want to talk about how men can benefit by knowing that information. And finally, how we as sensual men and women, can practice, either with ourselves like you said, or with others, and become the most orgasmic beings on the planet. Think you can fulfill that order for us??

Sheri Winston: (smiling) I think I can!

Anton Diaz: (laughs)

Sheri Winston: So, I'll start with focusing on women, but I do want to emphasize that.. a lot of this applies to men, as well, so this isn't really just for women.

Anton Diaz: Hmm.

Sheri Winston: But to start with, one of the important pieces of information that we need to have, is that our model, the images and ideas we have about female genitalia, are incomplete.

Anton Diaz: Hmm!

Sheri Winston: And it's sort of like trying to play the piano without actually knowing where all the keys are, or even that other keys exist.

Anton Diaz: Wow!

Sheri Winston: And so one of the things that really blocks women and their partners from helping women access their arousal and their orgasm, is just not knowing what the equipment is that they actually have! I know it sounds crazy, in this day and age of information, that something as simple as anatomy would be incorrect in our textbooks..

Sheri Winston: Well, first of all, about ten percent of women in our culture have never experienced an orgasm.

Anton Diaz: Hmm!

Sheri Winston: And.. usually, if someone is not sure if they've had one or not, they probably haven't. And so, the first thing that I would want to say to these women is that it's not them. The problem is not that they're broken, or that they got an inadequate set of equipment, it's really that they haven't learned what they need to know, in order to operate their equipment, and in order to make it happy!

Anton Diaz: Wow, and this is what you were talking about when you were talking about the anatomy, you know, because, the second complaint we have, or not a complaint, but, the second origination we have from women is, "I can cum very easily by touching myself, but I can never cum through..when my partner enters me." So obviously, there's something about the anatomy that we have to understand, that, are some parts of the anatomy orgasmic? Are some parts not? I mean, how does anatomy play into this?

Sheri: There are so many things I could say to what you just said, um..

Anton Diaz: (laughs)

Sheri Winston: ..So first of all, again, I really want people to know how normal they are, so I've gotta tell people, ..about half of women don't have orgasms from intercourse.

Anton Diaz: Hmm!

Sheri Winston: So, what's wrong with this picture? What's wrong with this picture is..not having the information about the anatomy, and I'll talk more about that, but let me say a few other things about the learning process.

Anton Diaz: Mm-hmm.

Sheri Winston: A large part.. of our..sexual response is learned. Some of it's inborn. Some of it's like the hard wiring in our computer, it's just there. We're animals, we've had millions of years of evolution, reproductive behavior is very ancient, very hard-wired in. And yet, because we're humans with these big giant human brains, for us, an enormous component is also learned. And when we recognize that, we can think, "Oh, okay, it's just like learning.. how to play the piano!" So, if we think of it that way, if you wanna learn how to play the piano, you know, that there are basic skills you need to learn. You need to learn, to understand, how to read music. There are different skill sets, reading music is one. Pushing down the right finger on the right key is another skill set. Getting to the point where you practice enough, so that the learning becomes embodied, is another part of that process. Knowing how the piano works and what's there, is a piece of it. So I really want.. people to understand this. There's nothing wrong with them. They're not broken, they just haven't gotten the lessons that they need, and there's nothing to be ashamed of, either. In fact, if somebody asked me do I know how to play the piano, I would say no, and i wouldn't feel embarrassed or ashamed, or like there was something wrong with me, I would realize, it's just a set of skills I haven't yet acquired. Of course, it's a lot easier to find piano teachers, than it is to find sexuality teachers to help you get these skills.

Anton Diaz: (laughing)

Sheri Winston: So that's that framework I really want to have, so there's a number of skills, and part of that is knowing what the equipment is. So..

Anton Diaz: Mm, mm!... And- and this is what I love best about your work, and this is-- when you talk about the equipment, I assume we're going back to the anatomy, the female anatomy, and..you were saying that a lot...you were- there are two things I'd like to address: One was, you were saying that a lot of the way that female anatomy is taught today, is incorrect, number one..

Sheri: Mm-hmm.

Anton Diaz: ..And number two, how would a woman, knowing female anatomy, understand, best help her understand how she can have better access to her orgasms with that equipment.

Sheri Winston: Well let me tell you about the equipment, and then see if it just makes sense..

Anton Diaz: Okay!

Sheri Winston: So here's what women have- and of course this would be a lot easier if we could be looking at diagrams and charts and illustrations..

Anton Diaz: (laughs)

Sheri Winston: So you're going to have to use your imagination, but.. basically what women have is a network of structures that are responsible for arousal and orgasm. And that network of structures are all made out of erectile tissue... which is the same thing that a penis is made out of, essentially. It's a specialized kind of tissue that fills up with blood when you get turned on, and gets bigger and harder and more sensitive. Women have just as much of that as men do.

Anton Diaz: Hmm!

Anton Diaz: Oh..

Sheri Winston: Yeah.

Sheri Winston: Pound for pound, inch for inch, women have just as much. Instead of it all being in one large compartment, it's this network of interlocking and inter-related structures. And so to start with, when we understand that the clitoris is just the tip of the volcano, it's just one part of a network of structures, we recognize that the way to get deeply aroused, and really turned on, and start to access that full orgasmic potential, you need to get the whole system operating.

Anton Diaz: Mm! Mm!

Sheri Winston: So, the first thing, is..once you know what's there, what it's connected to, and that... it behooves you to pay attention to all of the parts of that network, then you get to a completely different level of arousal and orgasm. You combine that, with learning how to use the rest of your toolkit, which is your breasts, and sound, and movements of not only your whole body, but particularly your pelvic muscles, your internal pelvic muscles, when you start learning how to use your inner vision, directing your sexual energy where you want it to go, then you recognize, "Oh, I've got this whole toolkit, this whole..set of equipment that I can learn how to use, how to play, and that's what's going to start bringing women and men- because me of course often aren't learning how to play their equipment either.. and that's how everyone can learn how to get more turned on, more aroused, and more orgasmic.

Anton Diaz: Wow, Sheri, you know I absolutelylove how you have made the body almost a metaphor with being a musical instrument, that once we learn how to play, its going to start playing this beautiful music.

I wanna continue with this subject, we're going to take a short break with our sponsors, this is Anton, and I will be right back.

Anton Diaz: And we are back! I'm your host, Anton, for Expanded Orgasm, and we are talking with Sheri Winston about a holistic view of sexuality that reveals the bodies mysteries for pleasure and orgasm.

Anton Diaz: Now before the break, we were talking about how a..thorough understanding of the female anatomy for the women can really help her learn how to play her body as a beautiful instrument, so she can create that beautiful sound that we're all familiar with as orgasm. And I would just love to ..ask Sheri.. uh.. a little bit more about how this wonderful information might look like in a class.

Sheri Winston: Well, of course if I was teaching class, I would have the opportunity to show you pictures.

Anton Diaz: Mm.

Sheri Winston: And I think having a visual, mental representation of the anatomy is extremely useful.

Anton Diaz: Mm.

Sheri Winston: I will say also that if people want more details about that, I have an article on my website that goes into a lot more detail..

Anton Diaz: Mm.

Sheri Winston: ...about all the parts that are actually there.

Anton Diaz: And so, what is- what is your website, let's mention that to all of our listeners.

Sheri Winston: And the thing is, with women, because we have a network of structures instead of one unit that's completely connected, because of this network, women can get aroused and turned on with just part of the network activated.

Anton Diaz: Hmm.

Sheri Winston: And so what a lot of women are doing, is they're focusing on clitoral stimulation which is a perfectly fine thing, but that's the only pathway, and that's the only part that they're utilizing. It's like, (sniff) ..It's like listening to music..

Anton Diaz: Hmm.

Sheri Winston: ...if you're just singing and playing guitar, you sound great, but if you have a whole band, the music is going to be richer, deeper, have more tone or melody, lots more opportunity for the music to be really spectacular.

Anton Diaz: Wow. So we're talking- ...-we're talking about bringing the whole body to be an orchestra now! (laughs)

Sheri Winston: Exactly!

Anton Diaz: Wow.

Sheri Winston: That is exactly right. When you have the whole orchestra playing, that's the music that really transcends.

Anton Diaz: Hmm.

Sheri Winston: That's what we want to learn how to do!

Anton Diaz: Wow, and..

Sheri Winston: And- and women can. Women and their partners can learn how to play the whole instrument. The whole body. And the thing about female arousal- and like I said- women can cum, just from that clitoral stimulation, and that is one pathway to orgasm. And what happens for a lot of women, and for men too, is once they find one pathway to orgasm, they use that same path over and over again. Just like if you're going through the woods on the same path all the time, after a while it turns into a rut.

Anton Diaz: Hmm!

Sheri Winston: And indeed, if you stay on that one path, you don't venture off it, eventually it becomes a trench, and you start thinking, "There is no other pathway to get to my arousal and orgasm." And this addresses the issues you were talking about before when women were able to get to have an orgasm by themselves, but have a challenge with a partner. They've learned one path, and that's a path that they're taking alone, and that's the only way they get there, and anything else is going to distract them.

Anton Diaz: So Sheri, what happens then, when a woman has created a pathway that's become a rut? How does she get out of it? Does she stay with that and spread it out, or does she kind of avoid it and open up to new things, wh-what.......how does she get out of that rut??

Sheri Winston: I'm a big fan of using what works. So taking what works and expanding on it, and again, just like if you're walking through the woods, you wanna make the path wider, keep one foot on the path, and put one foot off.

Anton Diaz: Oh, I like that!

Sheri Winston: Or, take a little side trip, and then come back to the path.

Anton Diaz: Hmmm.

Sheri Winston: So again, another example would be.. some women.. have learned how to be orgasmic using the vibrator... which is a wonderful tool in your toolkit. But then, some women find that that is the only way they can have an orgasm.

Anton Diaz: Hmm.

Sheri Winston: So an example of how to step off that path, would be that you use your vibrator with yourself and with your partner, and you get your arousal going, and then, you stop using the vibrator for thirty seconds and do something else ..that's a turn on. And as long as your arousal is staying high, you don't put the vibrator back on. As soon as you start to notice the arousal is dropping, you go right back to using the vibrator. And you start training yourself to take these little side trips, as you start expanding your pathway, and you can do that with anything. In fact, it's possible to learn to come from anything, it's possible to learn to have complete orgasmic proficiency. Women can have- and men too- can have... not just.. three or four orgasms, but dozens of orgasms, or orgasms that last a half an hour. Or, you can learn to cum from anything, you don't even need genital stimulation after a while, you can cum from ..having your nipples sucked.. or from uh.. uh.. a word, or finger snapping.. or from giving pleasure to someone else! It's possible to learn how to cum from ...giving oral pleasure to your partner... and again, this goes both ways, all for men and women. And this is about really.. training our bodies so that we become masters, virtuosos...

Anton Diaz: Hmm...

Sheri Winston: ...of our sexual response.

Anton Diaz: Wow, so- so Sheri, I'd like to ask... ..I mean it does sound.. wow, this sounds wonderful like you actually... take the path that's already working for you, and expand it right to your fingernails if you wanted to.

Sheri Winston: Absolutely. Anywhere you wanna take it, once you learn the basic technique of how to learn, and how to expand the pathway, then you can apply it to anything you want.

Anton Diaz: So Sheri, how does this concept of training look like... because obviously, if we go back to just lovemaking the way we're used to, it seems we're going to fall into the same patterns. Do we set aside a special time and place, do we approach this differently, so that we can actually retrain our bodies to find these new pathways? Do we call it lovemaking? What does it look like?

Sheri Winston: Well, I think there are a lot of different ways to do it. My suggestion is usually that you have both sessions that are devoted to practice, and sessions that are devoted to play...

Anton Diaz: Hmmmm.

Sheri Winston: ...and then also, it's perfectly okay to mix the two. So, when you're having a session where you've decided you're going to practice, you decide, "I'm going to work on using... my pelvic floor muscles, my sound, my breath, and I'm going to use my vibrator, and alternately take it off and use my hand"... and I'm going to practice that technique, and I'm going to do that for five minutes..or ten minutes..or an hour. And other times, you might just decide.. I'm going to put on some great music, and a blindfold, and I'm just gonna dance with the energy, and I'm just gonna... move into a place of not thinking...and just following my pleasure. And you can do the same with a partner, where you say, "Let's have a half an hour where we practice breathing together, sending energy back and forth using our pelvic floor muscles. And, lets have other times during our- our session where we can just say, okay, let's play now! And just..let it go wherever it goes.

Anton Diaz: Hmmm.

Sheri Winston: So I think it's great to have both the structure and the form, a container that you stay in, so that you can learn the skills. It's like practicing scales on the piano, and playing simple songs. You practice, over and over again, until the skills become embodied, and then when you're playing an improv with yourself, or with a partner, you just play.

Anton Diaz: Wow, Sheri, this is an amazing way of thinking how to really..expand our pleasure. And I'm sure that our listeners can find all this information on your website at sheriwinston.com, and that's S-H-E-R-I, for our listeners..

Sheri Winston: You got it.

Anton Diaz: ..And all the classes that you're offering, I want to hear and talk to you a little bit more, we're gonna take a little break, for our sponsors, and we'll be right back with Sheri Winston.

Sheri Winston: Thank you.

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Listen to "Sex, Tantra, & Kama Sutra", a weekly internet audio program from PersonalLifeMedia.com. Learn ancient secrets that turn on the soul of sex, at PersonalLifeMedia.com.

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Anton Diaz: And we are back, with Sheri Winston! And... we are talking about a holistic view of sexuality, that reveals the body's mysteries for pleasure and orgasm. And before the break, Sheri, we were talking about practicing, and as everybody knows, practice makes perfect.

Sheri Winston: That's so true when it comes to sex.

Anton Diaz: And those of you who missed our last announcement about Sheri's website, it's sheriwinston.com, where you can learn all about the classes and courses she's teaching throughout the United States.

Anton Diaz: Sheri- I would like to now- let's focus on the man a little bit.

Sheri Winston: Good.

Anton Diaz: I noticed that you teach a course called "Maps of the Clitoris", but you also teach a class called "The Female Anatomy: What Men Need To Know". That's so interesting. Why did you create a course specifically geared toward educating men about female anatomy?

Sheri Winston: I actually call the course "Exploring the Mystery of Female Sexuality For Men"...

Anton Diaz: Oh yeah, that's much more sexy than my title...(laughs)

Sheri Winston: Well, because- because men get to be intrepid explorers in this territory that is clearly mysterious. And the fact of the matter is, women are more complicated..

Anton Diaz: Hmm.

Sheri Winston: ..In so many ways.. and so I have a class, a full day class for men, where I spend the day, not just teaching them about the anatomy, but how..female sexual energy works, and how it moves, and how to play with it, and really how to be the fabulous lovers that they want to be. Men are looking to... please women! And if they're wise, they understand that the more their wives are pleasured and pleased, the more they revere the goddess that is there in front of them, the more they'll get back, and the better sex that they'll have..

Anton Diaz: Hmm...

Sheri Winston Winston: ...And so I do a full day class where I tell men all the stuff I figured out in my, oh...twenty-five plus years of teaching and learning about the subject.

Anton Diaz: Wow. And have you had any response from men that have learned from this class and then gone back to their lovers or wives or girlfriends and....(laughs)

Sheri Winston: (laughs) Yeah, I've had enthusiastic thanks, in fact, both from men and women, I've.. I've had it happen both ways, I do intensives for women as well as most of my classes which are for both men and women, and I've had, uh.. ..the response both ways of people giving me very, very, ..gratified responses to what they've learned. Because what I'm teaching is very practical, and it's really..... while it's not like you're gonna be a virtuoso pianist tomorrow, it takes time to learn the skills and put them into practice, and learn how.. to be in deep intimacy with partners and how to communicate, these are all things we can learn and they take some time to learn, and a lot of it is pretty simple, and when you get some of the simple ideas, it can pretty much instantly and immediately lead to a much better sexual experience.

Anton Diaz: Mm.. Sheri, could you give me one little, juicy..tidbit.. that a man might want to know about a woman's anatomy that would just make him a virtuoso when it comes to .. just one little juicy tidbit that will..

Sheri Winston: Well, I'll tell you what, I'm not gonna give you a tip about anatomy..

Anton Diaz: (laughs)

Sheri Winston: ..but, I'm wanna give you a concept about male and female sexual energy. And so this is actually helpful for both men and women in understanding how the complementary -- which is the phrase I use instead of 'opposite sex', -- the complementary sex operates. We each have a core sexual energy. And there are two basic energies. Yin energy, which is what we think of as the feminine, receptive, opening quality, and yang energy, or yang energy, which is the masculine, penetrative quality. That is, the yin is about receiving, and the yang is about giving. We each have both of those qualities within us. As women, most of us, our core energy is yin, and most men, their core is yang. And we need to understand how those energies operate differently, so that we know how to meet and dance with our partners. And so yin energy startsoutside the body, in the context of the relationship. And then it moves to the edges of the body. And so what men need to learn is, first you make connection, then you wanna wake up the whole body..

Anton Diaz: Oh, I like that.

Sheri Winston: ..Everything, all of the edges, the outside of the body. And then that yin energy, it needs to accumulate in the genitals. It takes some time for the energy to get concentrated and coalesce, and so then, what- what men wanna do, or the partners of women, some of which will be women, (smiling) but they usually understand this, but what we wanna do when we have a woman as our partners, we want to orchestrate, we wanna tease, we want to tantalize, we want to help bring that energy into the genitals. So the biggest mistake most men make is diving right into the center. Why is that? Because that's how their energy operates.

Anton Diaz: Hmm..

Sheri Winston: Yang energy is the opposite, it starts in the sexual center. It's like a fire in hot tender, "BOOM!", there's a blaze going. And so, once we understand the opposite or complementary nature of these two energies, it becomes a lot easier to play with our partners in ways that work, to understand that the masculine, or the yang energy starts in the center, and what men can learn to do, and what women can learn to do for their male partners is.. "How do we take that genital energy and spread it out? How do we bring it up to open their hearts? How do we bring it up to explore and expand what a male orgasm can be like?" So men can learn to have multiple orgasms without ejaculation. That's what happens when you start bringing that energy up the spine and you start sending it out through the limbs, you start expanding that energy. And, men can learn what their women need- is they need that time and the focus to bring that yin, diffused, watery, cool energy in and accumulate it and build it up, and so that by the time that you're actually getting to genital contact, for the woman, there's already lots of this yummy hot energy there. Because when men get to their genitals, before the energy is there, what happens? Women close up. What we want to do with our yin partners is we want to help them open. But if we move too fast, they close. And with the masculine energy, we want to learn, "How do I slow it down and spread it out and draw it out to the edges..

Anton Diaz: Hmm..

Sheri Winston: ..and then out beyond the body. And that's why there really is no "right" or "wrong" to this. They're both good, it's like night and day, they're both good, we need them both. We wanna learn, how do we do that dance?

Anton Diaz: Wow, Sheri, that is a- I mean, I think that should've been the book instead of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus". That should've been, right now, the perfect complementary of the sexes.

Sheri Winston: Right, because if we're from two different planets, how are we ever gonna meet, and how are we gonna dance together? Right, (laughing), we'd be breathing different atmospheres!

Anton Diaz: Absolutely..

Sheri Winston: Everything would be different- how could we meet, if we're from two different planets? We're not, we just embody the pulls of the life-force. The two different energies, night and day. Breathing in, and breathing out. We're all here on earth.

Anton Diaz: (snicker) Wow, Sheri, we are almost out of time, but I would like to ask you one final question.

Sheri Winston: Sure.

Anton Diaz: As a traditional, trained medical person, as a registered nurse and midwife..

Sheri Winston: Mm-hmm?

Anton: ...I would like to ask you: Knowing that information, how does orgasm in that context benefit the individual? It is some- is it- in other words, what's the big hoo- is orgasm important for our health? Or, what's the story on that?

Sheri Winston: Well, generally speaking, western medicine has not really embraced sexuality. And that's an unfortunate thing. Because for the small segments of western medicine that have looked at sexuality and studied it, it is apparent that the benefits are enormous. Healthy relationship with our sexuality, that's our own relationship with our own sexuality has benefits in terms of our mental health; the experience of arousal and orgasm bathes our body in all of the feel-good chemicals. All of the endorphins, all of the things that elevate our mood. I actually think that orgasms are a better cure for depression than medication, for a lot of people. And the irony with those medications is that a lot of times they make it hard for people to have orgasms. But I think that the benefits of a healthy sexuality have been demonstrated in terms of well-being in every aspect. And including when people are ill or have health issues, or even are in the process of dying. Or are in hospitals..

Anton Diaz: Mm..

Sheri Winston: ...that if we could make space for people to still be sexual beings, that they would be happier and healthier and live longer and have a lot more benefit from all the other things that western medicine has to offer. But it's really a small segment of the medical, or medically trained population that really understands sexuality, and that's an unfortunate thing, it's not really taught in medical training or nursing training, and it really should be, because it's an inherent part of who we are.

Anton Diaz: Well Sheri, knowing you, and knowing your knowledge, and having attended a lot of your lectures, even have been privy to film them, I believe you are the person that will bridge that gap for us. I wanna thank you so much for joining us and sharing your wisdom and insight, and uh, look forward to having you again on our show, and just- just once again, thank you for the vision and the mission that you're bringing on this planet for human sexual energy and pleasure.

Sheri Winston: Well Anton, I thank you for doing the same, and being part of that same wave of people who really are- are really trying to revision. Our sexuality is a part of our being human and our spiritual path, and of growth, and a way to love ourselves and others, so I thank you!

Anton Diaz: Why thank you, Sheri, and we'll see you- we'll see you next week on our show!