The Bloggess: Thirty Things You Shouldn’t Say During Sex

This week twitter once again wrote my column for me when thousands of people started sharing all of the terrible things said to them during sex. It is guaranteed to make you feel better about your sex life. Even if you don’t have a sex life. Hell, especially if you don’t have a sex life. This column is basically the best argument for abstinence ever.

And now, The top 30 worst things anyone has ever said during sex:

“On second thought, let’s turn off the lights.”

“I'm sorry but I gotta take this call; it’s your mom.”

“Oh, my God. Do you smell that? I think the cats have diarrhea again.”

“If I knew we were having sex today I wouldn’t have had sex yesterday.”

“Totally just found a glass eye.”

“My grandma is going to call to check up on me.”

“Did you put on a few pounds?”

“I want a baby.”

“Um… (awkward silence) …we need to talk...”

“How was your day?”

“Girl, you need to fire your gardener.”

“Is this your breast or a roll?”

“Hi, I am Chris Hansen.”

“I think we should see other people.”

“Ignore those bumps around my genitals. Or think of them as mountain lumps of love.”

“Please put your socks back on.”

“I’m kind of drunk right now... Can you put it there for me?”

“Shhh. We don’t want to wake your dad.......or DO we?”

* Phone rings * “Yes, doctor. Oh, the tests came back positive?”

“I forgot to take my birth control pill again. Oh well, I’ll do it tomorrow.”

Author

Jenny is that weird girl at your school that you never talked to and you wondered what happened to her and turns out she's still weird and writes a series of blogs and columns about ninjas and sasquatches and porn. You can find her at thebloggess.com. She's odd and we wonder how she managed to live this long.

Jenny is a columnist, blogger, mom and comedian. Her personal blog, [http://thebloggess.com/|thebloggess.com], is extremely popular and has developed a cult following, according to Marie Claire Magazine. She’s been a regular contributor to the online Houston Chronicle since 2006 and also writes a popular advice column for PNN and a satirical sex column for [http://www.edenfantasys.com/sexis/columns/the-bloggess/|SexIs Magazine]. Jenny has been the keynote speaker at major conferences, as well as featured on countless sites including Salon.com and MSNBC; and Gawker once referred to her as an "interesting psycho". She prefers the term "creative visionary".
Jenny suggests you ask her about how she gets her hair so shiny, or what’s wrong with her. But we know that’s a wig, and there’s nothing wrong with Jenny – she created a pitch perfect style that grabs readers, and keeps them. Whether inadvertently mobilizing the Bloggess Army, going to [http://www.edenfantasys.com/sexis/adult-humor/bloggess-does-japan4-110691/|Japan] on a sex culture / geisha mission of sorts, interviewing [http://www.edenfantasys.com/sexis/adult-humor/bloggess-nina-hartley-best-friend-0204101/|porn stars], giving sex advice, or relating the hilarious arguments she has with [http://thebloggess.com/?p=5168|her husband], The Bloggess has us hooked. Join us in learning more about this unpredictable funny lady.