For the past several months, I've been encountering Buddhist thoughts, ideas, principles in my readings and have become very interested in the principles of the religion. I am a very rational person. I don't believe in God, or supernatural things. Rebirth, karma. That doesn't appeal to me. I wouldn't call myself a Buddhist either. I think the Buddha was a genius and his ideas were way ahead of his time. But religions are things I tend to abhor because of my background and because they are not things I'd like to associate myself with.

I've been through a lot in my life. I come from a muslim background. I have never really believed, however, and am an Atheist. That has been a source of conflict with my family for ages.

Pain is something that I've become associated with deeply, but as I get older, I have begun to see that Life is indeed suffering. But that doesn't have to be a bad thing.

The more that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. I've been through a bit of a hellish few years, and hellish year in general, and a really hellish few months. The last 3 weeks of which have been spent in a lot of agony, with lots of demons resurfacing. I've been stuck in my thoughts. It's been difficult to get out of bed. I've been suicidal, and then i've found clarity, only to lose it again. It's been up and down. And It was draining, mentally and physically. But it's all a process, and I'm stepping forwards bit by bit, even if it's protracted. Clinging, attachment, and my demons--I've been spinning all this around in my head non stop. It's been difficult to find ways to shut my brain off actually. But I don't regret it. I'm going to be a better person because of it.

But this week I finally gave in and started to begin the process of learning how to meditate. That's been helpful too in getting some clarity. Even though for the most part, because there's so much going on, a lot of things surface when I attempt to sit still and relax and clear my head. Really really strange things. I try to just observe and let them pass.

I guess I'm here because I'm on a journey in my life to become a happier person. To deal with myself from the inside. To heal old wounds, and learn to love the damaged kid inside of me. And I want to discuss that with other people who might be on the same journey as me or who just have useful things to say and experience that comes with it.

I'm not really interested in how it's compatible to Science. Science itself is enough and what ancient people thought---while interesting isn't something I need to have confirmed by a religion. What interests me is the psychological and philosophical aspects. ^_^

Welcome Azure! Please take care of yourself and consider finding a counselor or therapist with whom to speak as well as studying the Dhamma. May you find freedom from all suffering and please let me know if I can help in anyway.

To avoid all evil, to cultivate good, and to cleanse one's mind — this is the teaching of the Buddhas.-Dhp. 183

I also second Khalil Bodhi's advice. If you are suffering from acute depression then you really need to see a professional health-care practitioner to help you to get back on your feet. with metta,

Ben

“No lists of things to be done. The day providential to itself. The hour. There is no later. This is later. All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one's heart have a common provenance in pain. Their birth in grief and ashes.” - Cormac McCarthy, The Road

Learn this from the waters:in mountain clefts and chasms,loud gush the streamlets,but great rivers flow silently.- Sutta Nipata 3.725

I can relate to alot of what you say in your post. My journey is also twofold: to gain knowledge & understanding of the truth of things, and, to heal this wounded human being I call myself. I am finding that these aims go together quite well.

with metta,

manas

Then the Blessed One, picking up a tiny bit of dust with the tip of his fingernail, said to the monk, "There isn't even this much form...feeling...perception...fabrications...consciousness that is constant, lasting, eternal, not subject to change, that will stay just as it is as long as eternity." (SN 22.97)

I can relate to alot of what you say in your post. My journey is also twofold: to gain knowledge & understanding of the truth of things, and, to heal this wounded human being I call myself. I am finding that these aims go together quite well.

with metta,

manas

Thank you

Yes they do go quite well together. Although sometimes I wish i was a simpler person.

Many of us began our life’s journey in a particular religion. After discovering the Buddha’s teachings explaining reality and how things really are, there were, initially, some difficulties with relatives and friends still devoutly practicing that religion.

But investigating, learning and practising the Dhamma over time leads to companionship, satisfaction and peace.

with mettaChris

---The trouble is that you think you have time------Worry is the Interest, paid in advance, on a debt you may never owe------It's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it's what you do with it ---