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Topic: FUCKING ORANGE EATING CONTEST (Read 93827 times)

I CHALLENGE ALL OF YOU SIMPERING JIZZWIT FUCKS TO AN ORANGE EATING CONTEST

YOU'RE ALL ABOUT TO GET SCHOOLED, CRAMULUS STYLE

AT ABOUT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT I STAGGERED DOWNSTAIRS AND STARTED TRASH TALKING MY ROOM MATE. I WAS LIKE, "I BET I CAN EAT MORE ORANGES THAN YOU IN A DAY."

HE WAS LIKE, "ARE WE TALKING ABOUT EATING A SICKENING AMOUNT OF ORANGES FOR NO REASON AT ALL?"

I WAS LIKE, "HELL YES THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT YOU FUCKING ASS TURBAN. I'M GOING TO EAT SO MANY ORANGES I'LL PISS TANGALL OVER YOUR FUCKING GRAVE."

HE WAS LIKE "IT'S ON!!!!" AND I SHAT JIZZ EVERYWHERE LIKE THERE WAS A FIRE HOSE COMING OUT OF MY ASS AND THOROUGHLY SATISFYING YOUR MOTHER. SEXUALLY.

SO THIS MORNING ON THE WAY TO WORK I BOUGHT A BAG OF GODDAMN ORANGES. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU GIANT SPINNING TURDS WHO DOES NOT TAKE UP THE CHALLENGE IS GOING TO BE ENTERED INTO THE LEDGER OF PEOPLE WHOSE EYE SOCKETS I'M GOING TO ROMANCE WITH MY ELBOW WHILE I PLAY THE MEXICAN HAT DANCE ON YOUR LAME ASS FAIL BALLS.

i tried this with bananas once... apparently bananas cause constipation

DID SOMEBODY SAY, HEY FRED, I'D REALLY LOVE TO HEAR YOU REAM ON AND ON LIKE YOU'RE CONDUCTING A SCIENTIFIC FILIBUSTER TO SEE IF YOU CAN REACH FATAL LEVELS OF FAIL? NO? THEN STUFF A BUTT PLUG IN YOUR MOUTH AND CRY YOURSELF A NEW ASSHOLE.

ORANGES? MORE LIKE BORANGES!YOU CAN MOUTH MOLEST ALL THE SCREMAING FRUIT YOU LIKE. CRAM AS MANY OF THOSE YIELDING PATHIC LIE DOWN TO GET FUCKED FRANCE-STYLE PARADISE FRUITS AS YOU LIKE. WON'T CHANGE A THING. MY POOP IS STRONGEST. I'VE TAKEN 3 DUMPS TODAY. STONE COLD SOLID FUCKERS. EVERY BIT OF PLANT MATTER FOR 3 FURLONGS HAS WITHERED, AND SMALL CHILDREN ARE SOBBING FOR NO REASON.

SIMPEL FACT: YOUR ASS IS GONNA GET BLOWN OPEN LIKE PEELED SLICED MONKY SNACKS. YOUR SPHINCTER IS GONNA REMIND PEOPLE OF A MERCATOR PROJECTION.

Not actually a meat product.Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCKAwful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart ContagionOctomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairmanwalking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it’s not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn’t matter." -- Max Tegmark

WHILE YOU MAY BE THE REIGNING CHAMPION OF TAKING NINE DUMPS FASTER THAN I CAN TAKE NINE DUMPS, THIS CONTEST IS ACTUALLY ABOUT CRAMMING YOURSELF SO FULL OF CITRUS THAT EVEN YUOR DISTENDED WRINKLY SPHINCTER CAN'T HANDLE IT. BUT I PROMISE YOU THIS, TURD QUEEN: I CAN EAT MORE ORANGES THAN YOU CAN SHIT IN A DAY.

DO YOU WANT TO STEP? THEN STEP RIGHT UP AND GET A GOOD SNIFF OF MY WINNING ASS BECAUSE IT'S THE LAST THING YOU'RE GOING TO SEE BEFORE YOU NADS ARE SURGICALLY ATTACHED TO YOUR NIPPLES AND THEN RIPPED OFF BY A TEAM OF IDIOTS SPECIALLY TRAINED IN BADLY FUCKING UP WHATEVER SURGICAL PROCEDURE I'VE CONCOCTED FOR YOUR LUMPY SMEGMA POOL OF A FACE. WE'VE BEEN MALPRACTICING ALL MORNING, DILL SMOKE.

WHAT THE FUCK I'VE FUCKING EATEN FIVE SHITTING ORANGES ALREADY TODAY AND I DON'T EVEN LIKE THE WRINKLY ORANGE LITTLE FUCKS HOLY SHITBALLS MY ENTIRE HOUSE IS COVERED IN PEELINGS AND FECAL MATTER WOW HOLY DICKS YOU'RE GOING DOWN IN A HUGE ORANGE FLAMING FUCKNUGGET BALL OF OWNED CRAM

I HOPE YOU HAVE YOUR "I FUCKING SUCK AND GOT PWND IN MY OWN ORANGE EATING COMPETITION" BADGE READY, CAUSE YOU'RE GUNNA NEED TO PIN IT TO YOUR BUTT ONCE I'M DONE WITH THIS SIXTH ORANGE

THREE ORANGES HAVE BEEN CONSUMED BY CRAMULUS, CHAMPION OF THE HUMAN RACE. AFTER THE FOURTH ORANGE I'M GONNA HAVE TO GO TO THE CORNER STORE AND PISTOL WHIP A BITCH. THE VITAMIN C IS TURNING MY BLOOD ORANGE LIKE A VULCAN.