Tara Moss

I have a fresh fierceness, for lack of a better word. I am fiercely protective of my family and also the world we live in. For me, there is a new level of engagement with the world, in part because I care deeply about what I will leave for my daughter when I pass on. I have always cared about social issues and world events, but never more than now.

I remember one headline when my seventh novel was published soon after I became a parent. It was: "Moss softens as new mum". I wondered about the basis for that headline. How, exactly, had I softened? At the time, I was hosting a crime show about psychopaths and criminal gangs, and I was writing the violent crime novel that would become Assassin. It seems like a curious automatic reflex for many people to describe women as ‘softer’ the moment they are mothers, as if childbirth and having a vulnerable little person to protect does not self-evidently have the direct opposite effect.

I think we conflate maternal love with softness, and we conflate the feminine – including motherhood - with weakness and the masculine with strength. "Man up" and "Grow some balls" are common phrases, as are "Don’t be such a girl". We are still regarded by some as the ‘weaker’ sex.

Honestly, I’m not sure why we ignore the distinctly strong and protective aspects of women and mothers. It seems illogical, as we have so many examples of strong women who are both feminine and tough.

Tara Moss taps into her far-from-soft side as an author - and a mother. Photo: Gavin O'Neil

Male protectiveness is well understood, particularly in jokes about a father’s traditional protectiveness of his daughters. I imagine fatherhood is different for every man, as motherhood is different for every woman - and I am reticent to make broad generalisations about gender because I believe that has been part of the problem. Certainly all parents are protective of their children.

Women should absolutely celebrate their strengths, vigorously and often. More news stories, novels, films - even statues in town squares – that celebrate female achievement and strength would be a good thing, because according to every statistic we have across mainstream media and the arts, there is a disproportionately low representation of, and celebration of, women. We can and should change that.

I wish I’d known when I was younger that there were so many wonderful mentors and inspirational women that we don’t hear about. Inspiring women are everywhere, but I shouldn’t expect to find them on popular celebrity magazine covers. I’ve learned to look further afield.

The role models our culture celebrates and the messages we give young people and young girls do matter. Plenty of studies have shown this. But ultimately, the real people in women’s lives are the ones who are most likely to influence them. Mothers, friends teachers - these are the people who have most shaped me and I am grateful for every one of them.

Former model, Tara Moss, 39, lives in the Blue Mountains and had her first child, Sapphira, in February 2011. As told to Daisy Dumas.