Calls for action after repeated attacks by Foxes

Former page three girl Samantha Fox is in custody today after a brutal though apparently ‘not entirely unpleasant assault’ on a 17-year-old boy in London earlier today. This is just the latest in a series of public order problems that have led to calls for a cull of Foxes.
The victim, Tarquin Burke, woke in the middle of the night to find Fox on top of him. ‘She was biting and smothering me. I couldn’t move I was so scared. She started muttering something like ‘Touch me, I want your body’, then she said ‘On second thoughts no, have you got a sister?’ At this point, the teen screamed for help and Fox bolted through the window.
This follows on from a spate of other Fox attacks in the capital. Three months ago DJ Neil Fox was charged with an unprovoked assault on One Direction, which left the boy band too traumatised to perform at the Hammersmith Odeon. According to reports, Fox left Harry Styles in tears after telling him he was ‘such a dirtbag he’d probably even do Rebecca off of Mature Dating’.
A spokesman for the band said at the time: ‘It’s outrageous, all the boys want to do is make an enormous amount of money, exploiting hormonal teens and their gullible parents using the power of voice altering technology, Photoshop and questionable marketing techniques. Something has to be done.’
London Mayor Boris Johnson has blamed the situation on Labour’s ban on Fox hunting. In particular, he cited former Defence Minister Liam Fox’s tirade against the mainstream media in which he harangued several editors for daring to question his expenses and the role of his best man, Michal J. Fox’s cinematic record and destruction over the course of some 10 billion brain cells in the US by Fox News.
‘I’ve been affected too,’ added Johnson. ‘Last night I was cornered behind the curtains at a cocktail reception by Diamond Foxx – you know, from Hot Nude Divorcees Gone Lesbo - and subjected to the most terrific tongue-lashing. I don’t think I’ll ever recover. Really. Tally ho, eh? Now, what’s for lunch?’