Marriage

by thewallflowerchapter

I think one of the most common things couple take for granted after they have children is their marriage.

And I can see why.

The days with kids can be incredibly joyous, but they are long and tiring. Time is a scarce commodity – between working, feeding, bathing, cooking, there is barely any time to even sit down for a proper meal sometimes.

It’s easy to slip into talk which revolve around schedules, doctor appointments, school, kids, groceries, meals, etc… and spend whole days not really having a conversation, and not connecting at all.

I know because that’s exactly how I feel.

We hardly have any proper conversations these days because GY is always tired at night and I can tell he much prefers screen time over human interaction.

I’ve been praying over this, for God to give us the time to talk, to pray, but just now when GY told me he’s going out for a drink with his dad, my emotions welled up.

Didn’t you just say last week that you want to consciously spend more time together?

We both know weekdays are crazy. So that leaves us Saturdays and Sundays. You spend Sunday afternoons out on the soccer field and then drinking by yourself or with your friends. So that leaves us Saturdays. In between the fixed routines, we are left with Sat afternoons when both girls nap, when I don’t have to attend to them, and that’s perhaps just 1-2hrs tops, on a good day.

And you’re telling me you prefer to spend that one timeslot we have to go out drinking with your dad – again?

Hot tears welled up because I felt hurt that my own husband doesn’t seem interested to work on our relationship. I know he works hard at home with the girls, but investing time in our children is not the same as investing time in our marriage.

I felt bitter and taken for granted.

I felt like I’m not important, that our marriage is not a priority. And I wanted to not care either. Because if I’m the only one in this, what’s the point? Doesn’t it take two hands to clap?

I know I’m supposed to find my joy, my security in God, but it’s really a struggle when because of marriage, I’m One with another – and the other just doesn’t seem very interested.