Wednesday, June 14, 2006

This post is long long overdue. It's titled Maya II... for a reason. In a way, there is no connection to my previous post 'Maya', nevertheless is intimately connected. God bless them little intimate dualities.

Some memories are vivid, rich in detail. Not blurry. And some memories are blurry. Hazy, fading... Like the colour on a t-shirt which turns a shade lighter, progressing into white with every wash undergone in the ruthless hands of the autocratic maid who refuses to treat t-shirts with care. But now, maids are a different issue altogether.

15th of August, 2003. India's 56th Independence Day. My first. Bro-in-law pushes off to the US leaving you in my care. I couldn't ride you, let alone any bike, for nuts. But that was back then. So many firsts... The first thrill of an acceleration, the first crash (and the accompanying transcendental experience, the first 'getting-caught-without-driving-license-cos-you're-below-eighteen' and 'getting-let-off-by-lady-inspector-who-thought-i-was-on-a-date-cos-a-girl-was-sitting-behind', the first escape, the first broken red signal, the first crush, the first relationship (Hon, with you of course), the first relationship with a girl, endless trips, endless excesses of the engine, the first wheelie (with Succubus), the first awkward wheelie with possibilities of huge damage (with thedevilskid). Those days...

You would stand covered in rainwater, mud and slime while resting on that sidestand to give a distinct impression of an all-weather-enduring-entity as I looked towards you from a window of a nearby building to see flashes of white reflect off the black paint and the glittering chrome.

I'd turn my back and remember my breath and your exhaust, the cold forcing both into traces of white fog. Those moments, those moments... A rueful smile would always escape my lips.

Now you're telling me you're not nostalgicThen give me another word for itYou were so good with wordsAnd at keeping things vague

'Cause I need some of that vagueness nowIt's all come back too clearly, yes, I love you dearlyAnd if you're offering me diamonds and rust, I've already paid

But we both know what memories can bringThey bring Diamonds and RustYes we both know what memories can bringThey bring Diamonds and Rust

-> Judas Priest - Diamonds And Rust

Darling, I've had some of the best times of my life with you. I'm sorry for all the times I've excessed you. You roared, you purred. You were docile, you were arrogant, you were almost anything a man could ever ask for. A boy, whom you turned into a man. I'll always remember you for the happiness you've given me during those times when even those closest to my heart were never there to support me. But in the end, I had to let go, cos' you were never mine. You weren't mine, baby. We've honeymooned for 20000 kms over two and a half years. We've spent our time. And our parting was inevitable. It hurt me. You meant more to me than any living being.

To a man, an intimate relationship of machine, meat and flesh will always mean more, in certain ways, than a relationship of bone and flesh. I can't thank you enough. It's with a heavy heart that I had to move on. Some part of you still lives on in me. And you can never deny that. You can never deny that honey...

I don't believe that anybody feelsThe way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk are windingAnd all the lights that lead us there are blindingThere are many things that I wouldLike to say to youBut I don't know how

-> Oasis - Wonderwall

The coldness of the steel and a parting in the misty morning silence.And now, you're but a shadow of yourself. Of us.

I called you 'Maya' for this very reason. So magical, so real, yet so illusory. So deceptive, so illustrative, yet... so beautiful. A name that always meant a lot to me...

We Hindus believe that once a person dies, the soul ascends to higher planes, where it becomes one with the eternal consciousness, and that very soul, though sometimes enriched with wisdom, returns back to earth to fulfill a purpose. You lost your soul, became soulless, when we parted. A month later you emerged, as one with a stronger heart... a 180 cc mill with 16 and half horses. And it's your soul that has now entered the new one. I will call her Maya, again, in your memory, and because you now are the soul of the new Maya. Resurrected. To be united with me. Again, and again, and again, and to forever be mine.