Adventures in family life, my vintage and thrift shop treasure hunt, sewing, creating, and living an intentional life of simplicity and joy.

February 2010

February 25, 2010

I recently discovered Anthony DeStefano one day as I was working here in my little corner office with a view ;o) and I was so impressed with his beautiful little book on prayer for children. As we emailed back and forth a few times, I asked him if I could share his book with my readers . . . . and so, I have two of his books to GIVE AWAY! One will be given-away here on my personal blog, and one will be given away on the Ruby for Women blog.

All you have to do to participate in the give-away is leave comments here on this blog as well as on the Ruby for Women blog. In celebration of lots of things, the give-away will run for the entire month of March, so of course the more comments you leave here and there, the better will be your chances of winning! So, before I give you a bit more information about Anthony's wonderfully written and illustrated book that you might be receiving, let me tell you what we're celebrating ;o) First of all, it is almost SPRING! That is definitely something to be celebrated this year, for sure, with all of the snow we've had around here. We are all very ready for the delightful, sweet-smelling, warm breezes of spring. Secondly, we are celebrating Anthony's new book! This is his first children's book and that is certainly something to celebrate.

And finally, (well, just for today "finally") we are celebrating my new job as Editor-in-Chief of Ruby for Women. Although this is currently a small online Christian women's magazine, the previous editor, Karen, and all of the writers have already produced an absolutely wonderful magazine! I am honored to have this opportunity to work with such a great team of writers! Our goal is to expand our audience of readers by continuing to offer many of the same great articles that have previously been part of Ruby for Women, and we are hoping to expand the topics included in each issue to provide something of interest to all women in all stages of life. But for now, here's a bit about Anthony DeStefano and his recently published book, This Little Prayer of Mine:

"This Little Prayer of Mine - my very first children's book - will be on book shelves February 16th. My own little prayer right now is that children and their parents will respond to it the same way adult readers did to my first two books, "A Travel Guide to Heaven," and "Ten Prayers God Always Says Yes To." In those books, I tried to distill complex theological subjects and make them as simple and easy-to-understand as possible, without in any way compromising Christian theology. That's basically the same thing I did in This Little Prayer of Mine. Adults who read this book might recognize the foundational tenets of faith, like placing trust in God in all things, being grateful for blessings, being generous to those who are in need. In simple language and rhyme, children can absorb those lessons, too, while also learning how easy and natural prayer can be. After all, when you come down to it, prayer is just a simple, heartfelt conversation with God.

I firmly believe the greatest gift you can give a child is the gift of prayer. As children grow up and learn about loss and grief and pain, the ones who knowthey can turn to God in prayer at any time will always get through the suffering of course, but it will give them hope. That's the difference between believers and non-believers. Believers suffer, too - but they suffer with hope. And that's exactly what you give children when you teach them to pray early - the gift of hope. For this book, I teamed up with the incredible illustrator Mark Elliott, whose work can be seen in the "Princess Tales" series. I wanted art work that was a little bit reminiscent of Norman Rockwell. I think children will identify with the pictures - especially the funny ones. I'm very fortunate to have received some high-level praise for the book in advance of publication. For instance, the book has already been officially endorsed by the National Day of Prayer; and Bernice King, the daughter of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and Corretta Scott Kind has that the book is a springboard for helping children establish a relationship with God."

This is truly a beautiful book, and it would make a perfect gift for your child or grandchild. Especially as we celebrate springtime and all of the joy, wonder, and blessing that is the Resurrection, teaching our children to pray to our Heavenly Father is truly a gift that will last for eternity. If you would like more information about This Little Prayer of Mine, visit Anthony's blog or find the book at Amazon.com. Have a blessed day, and remember you could win a copy of this book just by commenting here on my blog or the Ruby for Women blog (or both!) between now and the end of March. The more the merrier! ;o)

February 23, 2010

For many years I suspected that this was true . . . . . that if I was really, truly honest about what was going on in my life, that I would be an "outcast" from my church community. If they only knew what I was hiding behind that beautiful, plastic smile. If they could just see inside, for just a peek, at the pain that I carried in my heart, they certainly would not want to bother being my "friend." And so, in fear that I would be abandoned, I carried on stoically. Pretending to be what I had hoped and prayed I could be. I could speak all the right words, sing all the right songs, give all the right answers to any question that might come up about Christianity.

I even returned to Bible college at the age of 35 to see if I could figure out why we all SAID one thing but seemed so often to DO things that were completely opposite of what I heard coming from the mouths of the church leaders. "What's up with this?" I wondered for many years. And then, assuming that it must be ME who was wrong, who was confused (well, yes I really was very confused!), believing that it was MY problem, I just gave up and decided to play along. That would certainly be easier, I thought, than trying to be honest. And so I became "The World's Best Hypocrite." But please know, I only did that because I was afraid. In order to avoid the pain of honesty and the agony of abandonment, I pretended. But in the end . . . . it very nearly destroyed me.

And finally, after many years, when I was broken and bleeding and I could no longer manage to stumble down the path of pretense any longer, I just quit. I just quit . . . . everything. And you know what? I was right. All of the things that I was terrified of for so many years, came true. When my "Christian friends" discovered that I had been living a lie that had almost destroyed me, their first reaction was to blame . . . . ME! At that moment, and for many years since my "Year of Brokenness," truth has not mattered one bit. It was so much easier to believe lies (because they usually DO make a much more interesting story!) than to hear the cries of my heart, pleading with them to listen, please listen, to the truth. But you and I both know that you can a lie for a hundred years, and it will never turn into the truth.

And so I learned a very hard lesson: it is sometimes much safer to pretend. "Plastic" people cannot be hurt. Just like those little plastic toy people, you can throw them into a corner and they still smile. You can step on them, whack them with a hammer, drown them in the bath tub (I know because I've seen my kids do it!) and they won't bleed. But (now I am truly telling you the truth) REAL people do bleed and weep, and we often times still feel very vulnerable to judgment, condemnation, criticism, and rejection if we are honest. So my advice . . . . . don't be too quick to drop the "stained glass masquerade," until you are very, very sure it is safe to do so. I'm so grateful that God doesn't treat me like that.

PS I realize that my posts are frequently controversial and sometimes pretty close to the edge. I apologize if that makes any of my readers uncomfortable. But I've lived long enough to know that everything in life, and in the church, isn't perfect and that's OK. Because if I ever found a church that was perfect, I'd mess things up just by walking in the door!

Thanks to Loni for the graphic at the top of my post (she does such great work that I can't figure out!). And if you want to read the posts by the other IOW participants this week, visit Loni at Writing Canvas. Leave a link there and a comment here, and I'll pop 'round for a visit later tonight!

February 22, 2010

You know, even though I don't always post my TO DO list here on Mondays like I had originally planned, I still HAVE a list . . . . . somewhere. Usually in my head. And, along with that list in my head are many well-intentioned plans. For instance, I had several blog posts planned (in my head) last week, but then I got busy with my newest project and the days just flew by! So, I thought I would share with you what is going on around here that has kept me from my blogging.

A few weeks ago I "accidentally" connected with one of the women who posted a comment here on my blog. We emailed back and forth a few times and I sent her one of the ebooks that I was offering to my readers. Then we started talking about different things, such as the "Wardrobe Refashion" website, and then I discovered that she had started a website where you could purchase eBook patterns for quilts and other kinds of crafts / projects. Well, of course then we talked about having some of my eBook patterns on that site . . . . and then one thing led to another, and I found out that she also had an online women's magazine. She was the Editor-in-Chief and had several other editors / writers, but she needed some help with marketing the magazine.

The magazine is called Ruby for Women, and has been around for about a year. There are six issues per year and they are available through a subscription, or can be purchased as single issues. That sounded like a fun project that would get me connected with other women who share common interests, and I also have had many opportunities to learn a little bit about online marketing . . . . . so that's what we decided to do! But then, suddenly, everything sort of got kind of mixed up when she emailed me and told me that she could no longer continue on as Editor-in-Chief and was wondering if I would consider helping out with the WHOLE project! Well, I had to think about that - but since I do LOVE to write and create, and work with other women, I decided that this just might be what God has for me right now.

I've been working from home since October, and my online adventures are doing quite well. But here is another avenue for me to pursue in following my dream of working right here at home. These girls really need me! Of course, they need their mama ;o) But we are working on reading and math basics, and that really requires my attention in the afternoons. Working away from home is just not for me (if I can avoid it - and still find a way to help out financially around here!).

The next issue of Ruby for Women is in the final stages of editing and will be available next week. I will post a link here so you can see what I've been up to for the past several weeks. But I am not going to stop writing my eBooks! I've got several planned and ready to put together. As soon as this next issue of Ruby is out the door, I'll be back to the eBook writing project. And I'll definitely share some of my new creations with you all! Thank you so much for your continued support. I've been so encouraged by the response I always get to my new designs.

I will be posting the tutorial for doing a gathering thread with a zig-zag stitch either later this week or next week . .. . .I promise! Sometimes it takes me a bit longer to get all these little projects finished than I anticipate - I guess some days I still think I'm Wonder Woman ;o) But eventually I do get them finished! So, for now, maybe take a peek at the Ruby for Women blog that will be updated with additional projects, give-aways, challenges, and other opportunities for you to share your crafty little self! And one more thing . . . . . if you have a poem, or an idea or something you would like to share with me for the Summer issue of Ruby for Women, just leave me a comment. Let's chat about it! Have a happy Monday, Nina

February 16, 2010

I remember hearing this saying a few years ago, and I have no idea where it came from. But I do remember thinking that it was kind of silly and cute . . . . and said perhaps as a satirical response to something that was "supposed to be" frightening, but actually was just a Paper Tiger ;o) (or was that a Paper Monster?) Because in reality there are many situations that we face every day that appear much larger and more terrifying than they really are. And unfortunately we often don't stop and think about it to realize the truth.

But even so, whether something that we are facing in the future or in the midst of at the minute is REALLY scary doesn't ultimately matter. Because we have all of the resources to be victorious no matter what "monster" we will encounter on life's journey. There are so many difficult situations that I have not (yet) confronted; but there are other frightening circumstances which I have encountered, perhaps, that are different from the obstacles and fears which you have conquered. The most important truth that we need to hold on to, however, is that we are NEVER walking through the darkness alone. Jesus has told us, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." And if I believe His Word and trust Him, even when I can't see the proverbial "light at the end of the tunnel," I must always remember that He is there.

When all around me is silent and I am searching for an answer, a word, even a touch in that silence . . . . and all I experience is more darkness and more silence . . . . trust is my ultimate source of comfort. We all have a variety of circumstances that frighten us in varying degrees. Some of us have a fear of speaking in front of a group of people; some of us are afraid of the future with potential and probably financial struggles; perhaps some of us are fearful for our marriage or our children; others are worried about their health or that of an aging parent. There are so many obstacles that we encounter on our pathway through life, but each one is so very real when we are in the midst of each particular difficult day. And that is why it is so important for us to KNOW, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that He is absolutely, totally, eternally trustworthy.

He is here, right now, and He cares about your fear, your sadness, your confusion, your heartache . . . . and I know that because, no matter what anyone else says about not being able to "prove" that God exists (well, of course not. Then it would no longer be "faith") - I do KNOW what He has done in my life, and that can not be taken from me by the mere scoffing of unbelievers. There have been times when the darkness was very deep and the pain was almost unbearable. You've had those days, too, so don't pretend ;o) (and if you haven't it is because you haven't lived long enough to experience the struggles that come with this thing called "life"). But I can now look back on those days and remember how, EVERY SINGLE TIME, at just the right moment, in a perfect way that showed me truly, He cared for me and my family.

We all need to be reminded, even if we've been down this road before, when the next mountain (or monster) looms in the shadows just around the next bend in the road, we are not alone. You are not alone. I am not alone. Fear is paralyzing, it cripples us as we attempt to travel our personal journey through life. Even in the midst of terror, we must remember that we are not alone. We are not alone.

PS. One day I will share with you all our story of bringing Annie home from China. It is a story of one unbelievable event after another, starting with "finding" her through an agency website where she was in her final hours of being available for adoption . . . . to the fact that she is now a happy, healthy first grader. If nothing else had ever happened in my life, that story alone proves to me that He does care for all of us, even a tiny little girl alone in a Chinese orphanage.

Please take a minute and visit the other "In Other Words" participants this week. Debbie is our hostess this week at Heart Choices. Stop by and say "Hi" - you'll be glad you did! ~~ Nina

February 15, 2010

Perhaps I am the only one who is terrified of the Paper Monster. I definitely do not get the impression that anyone else that I know struggles to escape the grip of this devious little guy. Everyone else that I talk to never expresses any concern about having a monster around that just has a way of creeping into every nook and cranny and depositing piles and piles of paper. Big pieces of paper, little pieces of paper, ripped up envelopes, unpaid bills, phone numbers scribbled on the back of a napkin, notes from school and church, and all those annoying "things" that come in the mail that require me actually to DO something with them. I hate it.

I used to think it was the mail lady's fault. If she would just stop leaving so much junk in my mailbox, I thought that would solve the problem. So I just ignored the mailbox for several days, but when my husband discovered that there was a HUGE pile of mail out there, he went out and brought it in. Maybe it's his fault, then. Or perhaps it is the fault of the school and my girls' teachers. If they just would stop sending home so many papers and craft projects and notes reminding me that Friday is popcorn day, next Tuesday is field day, and Wednesday there will be a puppet show in the gymnasium at 6:30 p.m. I just can't sort it all out, especially when there is also a pile of homework that we not only have to keep track of (so it doesn't disappear under the bed or get stuck in the clothes dryer), but we actually have to DO something with it. Every day. I'm tired.

But that might be because I've been fighting this dastardly Paper Monster for so many years, that I've just about given up. Until today. I think I put the Paper Monster in his place. At least for a day or two. It took me all morning, but I sorted through all of the piles of papers on the kitchen counter and in the basket that I bought, just for tossing papers into when I don't know what else to do with them. I took them all out and put them on the dining room table. I think it is good to get your enemy right out there in the open so you can see what you are up against. That's when I almost decided to make a second cup of coffee and go sit down to watch the news. But I realized that would be even more discouraging than wading through that huge mountain of papers!

It was amazing . . . . . just going through that intimidating pile started to bring it all into perspective. That Paper Monster was not going to win this time! I was starting to get just a teeny bit annoyed that I had given that Monster and his piles all that power in my life. And you should see my house when I get angry annoyed! Everything in my site gets cleaned . . . . or painted, or thrown in the trash. Once I finished throwing out all the stuff that was just trash, that Paper Monster started to become much less scary. Whittled that thing right down to size. And that's when I remembered my "Philosophy of Piles."

I developed this philosophy many years ago when I had twice as many children to keep up with (but I WAS 20 years younger than I am now!). I had discovered that if you have a pile of papers, even if you have numerous piles of papers, deposited in every corner of your house by that nasty Paper Monster, you can safely throw just about everything in any given pile into the trash if it has been sitting there for 3 months. Now I realize that all of the really virtuous women out there would never let a piece of paper sit in a pile for three months. . . .but just in case you ever do, trust me, after three months whatever was on that piece of paper has already happened and you missed it (and you're still alive), or it has already happened and you somehow managed go to it, or it is completely out of date and a NEW piece of paper has been deposited on your kitchen counter by the Paper Monster.

So, if you happen to have a battle looming in your own life with the Paper Monster, just ignore him for three months and you will have completely conquered him . . . . . until you find the rest of the piles that haven't been there for three months yet, and you feel pressured into doing something with his daily gift of piles. After spending four hours sorting through those piles of papers, throwing out about 7/8 of everything that I had been afraid to look at for the past month, and making a few phone calls, I feel victorious! At least for today, I win. But now I have to make a few more phone calls to find out when the next Brownie meeting is going to be, and when sign-up for spring soccer is, and how much are swimming lessons going to cost . . . . but that's a battle with the Activity Monster, that I'm too tired to contemplate right now. Maybe tomorrow, if those monsters don't eat me up first.

February 12, 2010

Does it ever surprise you when your children ask questions? I've been doing this "motherhood" thing a pretty long time, and I'm rarely surprised but often I am amused and intrigued by the questions my children come up with. So when I walked into the bathroom last night to brush my teeth (after working on the computer for about a half an hour while the girls were supposed to be getting their jammies on and their teeth brushed), I discovered that there had been some very interesting activity going on right there in front of the bathroom sink.

"So . . . . . what's this white stuff all over the mirror in the bathroom?" I asked our Miss Curiosity. "What do you mean, mom?" she asked, looking completely clueless as to what I might be referring to. "Here, Honey, take a look. See all that white stuff all over the bathroom mirror?" I asked. "Do you know what it is?" "Oh, sure! That's the same stuff that is all over the counter, and in the sink, and on the carpeting." OK, now I'm pretty sure that she figures that is an answer.

"Oh, well . . . . but what is it?" I ask, trying to see if she is just dodging the question. But she isn't. She is completely serious. "Mom . . . " she says as if it should be perfectly obvious and logical. "After I took my bath, I wanted to see what would happen if I put some of that pretty pink powder in my hand and then went "POOF" and blew on it." OK, now I see. "So what happened?" I asked, still trying to figure out how it got smeared all over the mirror over the sink as well as all over both mirrors by the bathtub. "Did it just like float around in the air, or what did you do to it to get it to stick to the mirror like that?" I really tried not to laugh.

"Well, when it was all over I thought it would be fun to see what would happen if I mixed it with water." And? "It was so great! I swooshed it around on the mirror and it made a cool design!" But this was only the most recent adventure for Miss Curiosity. At Christmas time she found the food coloring and wondered what it would do if she put some on her hands. So she had red stains on her hands for a few days.

She also told me that one day she wondered what would happen if she ate one of the pretty little Rolaids in the bottle WAY UP on top of the medicine cabinet. "So what happened?" I asked. "Nothing," she said, apparently rather disappointed. "But would I die if I ate all of them?" she wondered. "Gee, I don't know," I replied. "I've never tried it, and I've never heard of anyone else trying it." Hmmmmm. . . . . but please don't try it, I thought.

And then there are the questions that seemingly come out of nowhere. Usually right when I'm in the middle of doing something that requires a few of my remaining brain cells. "Mom, what is blood made of?" she asked one day. Um, it's been a while since I studied biology so I can't remember. "What is catchup made of?" came pretty quickly after the blood question, so I'm guessing she had been trying to figure out how sometimes people get hurt on the TV, and there is "blood" but we know it isn't "real blood." Maybe it's catchup? Well, I do happen to know a bit more about catchup than blood, so I told her about tomatoes and stuff.

Another time it was, "Mom, what's inside your eyeballs?" Beats me! "How do you make slime?" SLIME!!! Now how would I know how to make slime? "What is skin made of?" and "How do bones get inside your body?" Good opportunity to talk about how God makes every one unique and special . . . . but still, I'm not a dr. or a scientist or a biologist, or a medical examiner.

"What would happen if I ate this worm?" and "How does food go down your throat?" and then the most recent one (just before the talcum powder experiment) "Mom, can bugs get into your brain?" Now WHY would a nine year old ask about bugs in your brain? Maybe she's been watching Animal Planet too much. After all, the other day there was a program about how chameleons turn red when they get mad. I really don't know where some of these questions come from, but I'm sure all of this curiosity will eventually lead her somewhere. And I just hope she survives. I've always had this theory and I've told my older children: "I don't want to know about it until you've lived through it." Then we'll talk.

Just a quick update on my progress with the Crazy Patch Journal Cover eBook . . . I finished it up last night and will be sending it out to everyone who has requested a copy. If you are interested and haven't left me a comment yet, just pop into the comment section and leave me a note. I'll try to get them all out yet today, but I have to go to school for Valentine's Day parties this afternoon, so we'll see how far I get with my emailing project. If not today, I promise to get them out tomorrow ;o) I'm working on a tutorial for next week on making ruffles by using a lightweight cord and zig-zag stitch. That was requested by one of my readers, and I promised her I would post that next week, so be watching for it! Also, you won't want to miss the next eBook that's coming out! It will have instructions on making a darling little wallhanging for a child's room . .. . but it could actually be used to make a sophisticated and clever wallhanging for your own room, if you want to be adventurous ;o) Hope to hear from you soon, and be sure to check back next week. ~~ Nina

February 11, 2010

Every where you look there are ads for the most miraculous opportunities to make money by working from home. And the testimonials are so convincing: "I quit my day job, and in just 30 days I've replaced my income AND my husband's income." Amazing! So now they are both working from home, and I sincerely hope that it is working out for that family. Especially at this time when our economy still seems to be pretty lethargic, and finding a JOB is an elusive quest for so many.

Besides, I'm not sure how it would work out for both the husband AND the wife to work from home. I don't know. . . . I would love to spend my days in the presence of my Sweet Hubby, but I think there's the whole issue of "male" and "female" brain function, and we just might not quite see eye-to-eye on a daily schedule. But if it works for some folks, I think that is great! What I wonder about, however, is how honest and reputable some of these companies are that are encouraging unemployed people to part with their grocery money for the week for the "opportunity" to work at home.

Do any of them really work? Or is it just one of those "trickle up" theories where, if you send ME money, I'll tell you how to advertise to get other people to give YOU money, so you can tell them how to advertise to get more people to send THEM money. And there is never any REAL work, just more of the same thing over and over. The idea of working from home, and making a real income, is so appealing to women with children. Many moms really want to be at home if their child is sick and needs to be taken to the dr. Lots of us love to be at home either so we can homeschool our children, or to be at home when our children come home from school. We love to cook, and sew, and sometimes clean the house, and do the laundry, and even sweep the floors once in a while. Well, not that we actually enjoy doing all of those things, but most of us like to have them done. And there is no one else to do those chores in most of our homes.

Many of us moms are doing our best to keep up with all of that, and keep up with the kids, and talk to our husband when we can get a word in around the babbling of children. Some of us want to be able to volunteer at our children's school, or work in our church, or participate in community activities. And all of THAT makes us look for ways to generate income and still be able to have the flexibility to do the other things in life that are important to us. When I held a job away from home, I simply could not do most of the other things in life that I believe are significant in the life of my family. I would come home at night so tired I barely had the energy to fix supper and feed my kids before collapsing for the night. But what about their homework, and reading with the girls, and folding the laundry (oops! I forgot to wash the laundry before I left for work in the morning!) or pay the bills, or wash the dishes. Now, I know that there are millions of women who do this every day for years and years. And I am impressed. Seriously. Because I couldn't do it without completely giving up on the possibility of ever having any part of my life that wasn't totally out of control. And I've already admitted that I'm a "control freak," and for me that means that I don't cope well over long periods of time when the laundry is piled high, dirty dishes are oozing out of the kitchen sink, and there is this annoying crunching sound every time I walk through the living room. But that's just me.

And it is NOT because I'm getting old! ;o) I was just like this when I was 32 and had four kids running around the house. I just needed to be at HOME! So, now I am at home, and I'm trying to work and actually make some money from my writing and design projects. Most days that goes quite well. But we are now on our third snow day, with no school, and my girls have just about exhausted all of our bright ideas for creative projects. The joys of being a work-at-home-mom are such a gift! I love being able to be here when they do have a day off of school, and we can cuddle while we watch a movie together. We've been working on Valentine's Day cards, making muffins, sewing a sweet little apron and totebag, and creating decorated mail boxes for our newest adventure: The Mail Box Club. In our private little club, The MBC, we each write little notes to each other all day long and drop them in the appropriate mail box in the kitchen. Then, at bedtime, we get to open our mail box and read the sweet notes that we've written to one another.

Today we are playing house, and the furniture has been rearranged and all of the dolls and stuffed animals are out and about. While I was brushing my teeth, I was informed that I was the Grandma (of course!), and before I could object I heard: "Hey Grandma! Can you babysit? Here's the baby and the pup!" And there beside me in the bathroom was the stroller with the baby and the pup. That's what you get for being a Grandma. Great fun! But the challenging part of all of this wondrous, joyous family togetherness is that I'm buried in messes! One right on top of another, because there are two of them and only one of me. They do pretty good at cleaning up after themselves when I remind them . . . . . but unfortunately mamas sometimes need to do other things, like take a shower or answer the phone, and then WHAM!!! A fifteen minute phone call turns into a mountain of creative left-overs.

All in all, it is wonderful being able to work at home. But it is not all it's cracked up to be in those advertisements that make it sound like you'll be able to leisurely check your computer when you wake up at 10:00 a.m. and with a cup of freshly brewed steaming hot coffee in hand, you will suddenly discover that you made at least $1,000 while you were sleeping. Working at home definitely has its positives . . . . but being able to comb your hair and find your underwear isn't always one of the perks. Just something to think about.

February 09, 2010

As I began to think about this quote, I found myself wandering down a mental pathway of memories that included so many instances in my life when I really thought that if I just "did this" or "didn't do that" my life would be a true reflection of Christianity. And of course, all of those things can be very helpful, just to get through life in a safe and peaceful way. But it wasn't until I had spent many, many years "doing" all of the things that I thought I was "supposed" to do, fulfilling everyone's expectations, meeting my obligations, and acting out my Christianity the way I had been taught a "good Christian girl" would do . . . . . that I realized (unfortunately) many of the "right" choices I had been making turned out to be "wrong." Not "wrong" in the sense of being sinful or morally or ethically "wrong" and bad. But choices to do or not do certain things that in the end, were not the most helpful to myself or to my family. But I was trying so hard to be a "good Christian." More importantly for this conversation, I was trying to be a "good Christian woman."

The concept of "Christian" being a great noun but not such a great adjective, says to me that Christianity is not so much about what I DO but who I AM. Now, because of who I AM, there will be great influence on what I DO, and the choices I make in life. But just because I DO all the right things, or the things that seem "right" to me at any point along life's journey, does not mean that I AM a Christian. Nor does it mean, if I make a few wrong turns on that pathway, that I AM NOT a Christian. "Christian" means a relationship, and just like the fact that I am a mother does not depend on my children doing or not doing certain things. Of course, they can break my heart . . . . as we do all too frequently in our relationship with God . . . . but they will always be my children and I will always their mother.

And just because I might label some action as "Christian," thus invoking the term as an adjective, does not make it so. For instance, if I put a Bible verse on my toothbrush, does that make it a "Christian" toothbrush? Of course not! It might be a fun thing to do, to help our little ones learn about proper hygiene along with learning Scripture, but it is just not about slapping a label on something in order to make it "Christian." It is about "being." And in all of my studies about the "Being" of God, there was always the emphasis on WHO God IS - and His Being is then the impetus for His actions in love, mercy, and grace to us, His children.

My life journey has taken me to many places, and for very long periods of time, in which I truly and sincerely believed that I was doing the "right" thing for my family. I was convinced, even though the choices I was making every day brought great heartache to me personally and it brought about a great deal of sadness and pain in my life, that I was really doing the very best thing for my children. But in the end, I discovered that all those years of being sincere . . . . I guess I was sincerely "wrong." ;o) Not in the sense of doing something hurtful or harmful, but those choices over time were just not helpful. But indeed I made the choices that, at the time and with the resources and information I had, seemed to be "good." So, there I was, being the "good Christian woman."

After many years of sadness and confusion, and my study of Scripture and the history of Christianity, I came to realize in a practical way (as opposed to kind of, sort of "knowing" it in my head) that "Christian" was about my relationship with God . . . . and try as I might, I was bound to make a mistake now and then. But then, that's why God is gracious. So, all of that is to say, with the Apostle Paul: "What? Should we sin more so that grace may abound? Good grief, NO!" My paraphrase. That is a distortion of grace. But the other distortion of grace that I have experienced is the pseudo-grace that somehow convinces us to believe that unless we are "perfect" we cannot be a Christian. But I thought that's why God sent His Son to be the Savior of the world . . . because being perfect is not my job. He already did that, and made it possible for me to be acceptable through His sacrifice.

I am a Christian. Period.

Please visit the other IOW participants to read their perspective on this week's quote. You will find them on Tami's blog, The Next Step. She has a very interesting perspective, so I hope you will read what she has written, and then stop by the others, too!

February 08, 2010

I know that it must be hard to believe. But Good Mama Bears get tired . . . . and sad . . . . and hungry. I'll tell you a secret, but you must never tell anyone: Good Mama Bears even get angry sometimes. But no one is supposed to know that, because after all, Good Mama Bears are NEVER supposed to get angry. So when they do, we must all just keep smiling and pretend that it really is just fine with Good Mama Bear that Big Brother Bear is STILL shooting hoops in the middle of the living room, even though she has asked him at least 100 times to be a bit more respectful of their cozy little Bear Home.

"Oh, no problem, my sweet Big Brother Bear," croons Good Mama Bear as she swoops down and gathers up all of the empty pop cans, dirty dishes, and leftover chips and salsa that are scattered around the house from the last time Big Brother Bear and all his Bear Buddies came over to shoot those hoops. But Good Mama Bear would NEVER get angry (we'll just keep pretending so no one else knows, OK?) But just remember if you ever grow up to be a Good Mama Bear, that even when you FEEL tired, or sad, or angry, you must never, never let it show. After all, that might make all of the other Precious Little Bears, Medium Size Bears, Big Boy and Girl Bears, and especially Wonderful Daddy Bear uncomfortable.

This Good Mama Bear was chatting the other day with another Very Weary Good Mama Bear about life, and children, and searching for the soul of Perfect Mama Bear. Very Weary Good Mama Bear was on the verge of tears as she wondered what in the world she was going to do with her life when her five Baby Bears were all grown up and gone. I mean, would she still be able to have a conversation with another adult, or even her husband, if she wasn't interrupted 47 times in every sentence? She wasn't sure she could handle that.

So we talked for a few minutes, until we were interrupted by Littlest Bear who had decided that it really wasn't fair that these two Mama Bears were talking for SOOOOO long, and that Littlest Bear was getting bored. Until Littlest Bear decided that she would get busy and play with the other Little Bears who were there with her . . . . and of course, THAT was certainly OK for the Little Bears to chat, and laugh, and giggle, and run around screaming for as long as they wanted to. But Very Weary Mama Bear must never, never inconvenience her Littlest Bear. Naughty Mama Bear!

Well, then when Very Weary Mama Bear came very close to saying IT . . . she almost said the word . . . . . she almost admitted that she was struggling with a little bit, just the teeniest, tiniest little bit of anger disappointment that she couldn't quite manage to take her Medium-Size Princess Bear to her cheerleading competition which was 150 miles away (driving through a snow storm), AND take Littlest Bear to a birthday party, AND pick up Big Brother Bear from basketball practice, AND help Medium-Size Prince Bear with his science fair project. All on the same evening. Well, of course she should have been able to do all of that all by herself.

They all think she is Wonder Woman Bear - but I did notice a few spots on her blue cape that were becoming rather threadbare (no pun intended) and kind of raggedy and tattered around the edges. Just like Very Weary Mama Bear was beginning to show a bit of "bearness" (as in just being an ordinary bear, not really Wonder Woman Bear).

So, my precious Little Bear, please be patient when YOUR Good Mama Bear occasionally disappoints you. She really is trying to be perfect, but she probably will fail. Because after all she is JUST a Good Mama Bear. As hard as she tries, she will never be The Perfect Mama Bear, but trust me, she really would like to be. But she is worn out. Don't tell her that, though, because she won't believe you until one day that tattered and torn, old blue cape no longer holds her aloft on the winds of expectations. But chances are you will never know that her knees and elbows are bloody from the fall, and you will definitely never know that her heart is broken. Just keep pretending, and everyone in Bearville will be able to carry on as if they are all happy. Because if anyone in Bearville is NOT happy, we will definitely know who to blame. Good night, Little Bear. Sweet dreams!