A cautionary tale about waxing

During February Mrs Sensible was invited to go to a sauna in Liguria. I was not invited because it was an outing for her girlie school teacher friends. I protested about sex discrimination and Mrs S protested that the last time I visited a sauna I went Al naturali. It appears Italians wear swimming costumes in hot steamy saunas.

While Mrs S was deciding which swimsuit to wear, she also decided she required a bikini wax. When she suggested I help her, I pointed out my aversion to pain and suffering and declined to get involved in any way.

Laugh! I could have cried

It is sometimes quite difficult to refuse to help Mrs Sensible. In the past I have under protest, had to hang the washing, wash the car and even fold and put away my socks. So in February I found myself gritting my teeth and holding Mrs Sensible’s skin taut as she quickly applied and expertly ripped away wax strips. Mrs S is made of stern stuff and she never flinched, it did however bring tears to my eyes.
So let’s now roll forward to yesterday. Mrs S announced we had been invited to the beach by her sister. She also told me she wanted a bikini wax and as the local beautician was fully booked I was once again drafted in as her waxing assistant. I took the opportunity to wander off to the bedroom and take a quick afternoon nap, in the hope the waxing was completed by the time I woke up.

I was rudely woken to the sound of Mrs S warming a waxing strip between her hands in the bedroom. This particular waxing strip didn’t look like the one we used last time, it looked more like something you might use to seal a puncture in a car tyre or maybe wrap around a leaking pipe.

Mrs Sensible’s waxing strips

As I held her skin taut Mrs S applied the waxing strip to her inner thigh. To make sure it was secure I gave it a little pat. It was at this point that I suddenly started to have doubts whether we would be able to remove it. Mrs S grabbed the corner of the waxing strip and gave it a tentative tug, it didn’t budge. So she gave it another pull and a small corner lifted off her skin. Grasping the corner and pulling she managed to slowly remove the strip, leaving all the wax and offending hair still well and truly stuck to her leg.
With a lot of tact I asked Mrs S where she had bought the waxing strip that was currently stuck firmly to three of my fingers and the little hairs on the back of my hand. I found it at the bottom of my make-up bag she told me, I think it might be out of date. As I stood, looked and pondered the problem of green wax stuck to Mrs Sensible’s leg, I realised I had seen less wax stuck around a Chianti bottle than was currently stuck to the top of Mrs S leg.

Less wax than on Mrs Sensible’s leg

Mrs S walked into the lounge (still with half a kilo of green wax stuck to her inner thigh) and sat down to phone her sister to tell her that we have a small crisis and might be a little delayed. When Mrs S put her phone down I suggested she should soak in a hot soapy bath and try to remove the wax. As she stood up she encountered another small problem, maybe even another small crisis. The wax had completely glued her thighs together.

There are times no matter how difficult it is, that it is important not to laugh at someone else’s misfortune no matter how funny it might seem, and I am alive today because I managed not to laugh or even grin as she waddled like a penguin in the general direction of the bathroom

Mrs S waddled to the bathroom

As we drove to her sisters, just a little later than we had planned. Mrs S turned to me and said “what are you thinking about” nothing I replied. You are she said I know you too well. Don’t for one minute think you are going to turn this into one of your blog posts.

With a bit of luck I will write a couple more posts before Mrs S decides to monitor my on-line activity. This post will then get lost in the blog. I will also be ok if it doesn’t get too many Facebook shares.

My suggestion to make amends for using the waxing debacle as fodder for a post: Get some waxing kits that have a long expiration date and hope that she appreciates the gift. This was funny but in a good way. (I think) 🙂

Yes, probably so as some women never learn. 🙂 I’ve never worn a bikini as they were not is vogue when I was young. Frankly I think a woman looks great in a regular one or two piece swim suit. Bikini always look as if it is about to fall off. And they do sometimes. 🙂

I’ve had similar waxing disasters (okay maybe not quite so bad as Mrs. S) and have out right refused to do it anymore. It sucks. Why can’t women just be hairy and lets be done with it?! I will shave or use hair removal cream for the rest of my life but waxing? Not unless you want self-torture!

I received a message from a friend in America, who said she used hair removal cream to thin her eyebrows. She wasn’t very impressed when they all fell out, I don’t think the ‘Brazillian Style’ is in vogue for eyebrows.

Hi Annie, luckily I didn’t feel any pain, Mrs S is pretty good with the applying the wax and the ripping off with hairs attached, just this time it all went very wrong. When the strip was stuck on her leg it looked like industrial gaffer tape. I gritted my teeth and closed my eyes as she removed it, when I opened my eyes the wax was stuck firmly in place.