Forum » Tag: Knockers - Recent Postshttp://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=knockers
The NewsBiscuit Communityen-USSun, 02 Aug 2015 22:45:08 +0000http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2qhttp://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php
nickb on "Men relish denouncing 1970s sexism while still repeatedly saying 'tits'"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=83920#post-243792
Fri, 21 Nov 2014 12:04:34 +0000nickb243792@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Great idea for a show! I'd watch.
</p>Crayon on "Men relish denouncing 1970s sexism while still repeatedly saying 'tits'"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=83920#post-243781
Fri, 21 Nov 2014 09:03:18 +0000Crayon243781@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Squudge - Misogynist satirist fails to get his NiB up.</p>
<p>KevSwan - Aren't you going to 'honk' her other one?
</p>Kevin the Swan on "Men relish denouncing 1970s sexism while still repeatedly saying 'tits'"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=83920#post-243771
Fri, 21 Nov 2014 06:10:53 +0000Kevin the Swan243771@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>&lt;honk&gt;
</p>Squudge on "Men relish denouncing 1970s sexism while still repeatedly saying 'tits'"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=83920#post-243770
Fri, 21 Nov 2014 06:09:37 +0000Squudge243770@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Lovely FP Oxy - and thank you so much for not dragging Babs Windsor into it - she gives me the heebiejeebies these days. I am sure Satan has already borrowed that laugh for one of his demons.</p>
<p>I also like the caption if you hover the cursor over the delightful image selected for the article.</p>
<p>As a girl of the Biscuit species, I feel that balance should be restored with an equivalent piece, perhaps seasonally seasoned, about men's 'attributes'. A piece on shiny red baubles and the last turkey in the shop perhaps. </p>
<p>We could pad, massage and indeed flog this theme, but I fear it may never amount to much more than a NiB.
</p>Jim Garner on "Men relish denouncing 1970s sexism while still repeatedly saying 'tits'"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=83920#post-243768
Fri, 21 Nov 2014 04:05:27 +0000Jim Garner243768@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Obviously, farmers should be castigated (no no. there's no 'r' in it) because they are always talking about their cows' teats. Sexist morons! They can't even spell it.
</p>Oxbridge on "Men relish denouncing 1970s sexism while still repeatedly saying 'tits'"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=83920#post-243744
Thu, 20 Nov 2014 17:37:37 +0000Oxbridge243744@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Excuse me, but this is a highbrow discussion about tits, not some smutty innuendo-spotting competition.
</p>Adrian Bamforth on "Men relish denouncing 1970s sexism while still repeatedly saying 'tits'"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=83920#post-243734
Thu, 20 Nov 2014 15:37:35 +0000Adrian Bamforth243734@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Heh - "men relish".
</p>Ted King on "Men relish denouncing 1970s sexism while still repeatedly saying 'tits'"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=83920#post-243733
Thu, 20 Nov 2014 15:19:17 +0000Ted King243733@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>It was either the Telegraph or the Guardian; I'll have a look at my history to see if I can identify the page.
</p>Iroquois Pliskin on "Men relish denouncing 1970s sexism while still repeatedly saying 'tits'"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=83920#post-243728
Thu, 20 Nov 2014 13:36:56 +0000Iroquois Pliskin243728@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>I haven't read a Telegraph since 1878. Show me this imposter that I may smite him.
</p>Ted King on "Men relish denouncing 1970s sexism while still repeatedly saying 'tits'"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=83920#post-243711
Thu, 20 Nov 2014 11:03:12 +0000Ted King243711@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Iroquois - was that you getting flamed on the Telegraph website yesterday? If not, someone's nicked your name.<br />
I like 'gratuitous bazongerage.' I think I'll nick it.
</p>Iroquois Pliskin on "Men relish denouncing 1970s sexism while still repeatedly saying 'tits'"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=83920#post-243707
Thu, 20 Nov 2014 10:40:04 +0000Iroquois Pliskin243707@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>I watched the show, desperately hoping to be morally outraged only to discover that I’m probably a sexist pig. </p>
<p>Perhaps they should commission a further episode in ten years time, about how some producer used the excuse of ‘looking back’ in order to show all the footage again. This episode also should contain gratuitous bazongerage.</p>
<p>I've just had an email from HR. brb
</p>Ironduke on "Men relish denouncing 1970s sexism while still repeatedly saying 'tits'"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=83920#post-243705
Thu, 20 Nov 2014 10:27:13 +0000Ironduke243705@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Please, surely by now we can all accept that women are more than just the sum of their tits?</p>
<p>There's all sorts of other good bits, in fact pretty much everything up to the neck can be fantastic if presented correctly.</p>
<p>Above the neck, yeah, things can get a little dodgy, and I fully accept there are frequent issues with the brain and the gob particularly, but if you ignore those two then there really are a whole array of under appreciated and under-utilised body areas that are prime lechery fodder.</p>
<p>Branch out. Next time you're leering at a female, check out her elbows and shoulders. Have a gander at her ankles. Give her thighs a once-over and play hunt the clavicle. There is a lot of fun to be had with the small of the back if you know what you're doing.
</p>Oxbridge on "Men relish denouncing 1970s sexism while still repeatedly saying 'tits'"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=83920#post-243703
Thu, 20 Nov 2014 10:06:28 +0000Oxbridge243703@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Shocking revelations about how senior figures from the world of entertainment got away with sexual harassment, combined with an unlimited appetite for instant nostalgia among those who grew up with spangles and Raleigh Choppers, are creating an ideal situation for middle-aged men. For those who get paid to pass sardonic comment on long-forgotten sitcoms where 'dirty old men' leered at 'dolly birds', it is better still.</p>
<p>'Incredible,' said David Baddiel, after watching an episode of The Professionals in which Bodie calmly fished a grenade out of a screaming Pamela Stephenson's top. 'Not only did they think it's OK to have him rip her thin blouse wide open and slap her face to calm her down, they also have her look up at him doe-eyed and grateful for casually brushing the residue off her tits afterwards. Rescuing a woman, however heroically, does not automatically entitle you to touch her tits. Shocking.'</p>
<p>Channel 4's new 'It Was Alright in the 70s' has shone a light on the sheer extent of casual sexism on TV at the time. 'It was the perfect storm, really,' said media analyst Ged Carson. 'There were only three channels and commissioning was in the hands of men young enough to be aware of the sexual revolution of the 1960s but too old to have benefitted from it themselves. Not surprisingly, there was an excessive focus on tits.'</p>
<p>Moreover, with feminism still to find its feet, it was still culturally acceptable in the 1970s for beauty pageants to be televised live from seaside resorts. In many cases, shocked celebrity watchers noted over self-explanatory footage, cameras blatantly panned straight at the contestants' tits while male presenters asked them fatuous yes-no questions that made them look like airheads. Even Terry Wogan took part, laughingly telling a girl in a bikini she was 'big for 16', which most now take to be a reference to her tits.</p>
<p>However, many believe that we have not really moved on very far from those dark days. 'All too many men still try to attract women by ostensibly advertising their non-sexist credentials while still reducing them to a collection of body parts by gratuitously chucking in words like 'fanny', 'knickers' and 'arse',' said post-modern man Josh Branston. 'In fact, the author of this story is doing precisely that right now. And so, as a matter of fact, am I, a fictional character. Perhaps if we feed the loop back long enough, it will create a paradox that will cause the universe to implode? Naah, probably not. Tits.'
</p>Rootin Tootin on "Bishop and actress 'couldn't keep it up any longer'"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41656#post-118841
Tue, 17 Apr 2012 12:47:01 +0000Rootin Tootin118841@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>I thought the "rooster" set up was a good gag in itself and would have worked well if the punchline involved a chicken and a kitten, as everyone would have been waiting for the obvious. A sort of treble entendre.
</p>Rootin Tootin on "Bishop and actress 'couldn't keep it up any longer'"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41656#post-118840
Tue, 17 Apr 2012 12:43:45 +0000Rootin Tootin118840@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>...said the actress to the ... oh, hold on.
</p>Vertically Challenged Giant on "Bishop and actress 'couldn't keep it up any longer'"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41656#post-118812
Tue, 17 Apr 2012 11:25:08 +0000Vertically Challenged Giant118812@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>You could be right, I could be spectacularly missing the point. Personally I just feel it works a bit better if you can see that it is a set up, but it's not quite so obvious what it's setting up.</p>
<p>As soon as a rooster and a cat are mentioned you know what's coming.
</p>Oxbridge on "Bishop and actress 'couldn't keep it up any longer'"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41656#post-118805
Tue, 17 Apr 2012 11:16:45 +0000Oxbridge118805@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>'you can see what's coming a mile off'. Fnarr fnarr, hur hur, yip yip, etc. Actually I thought being predictable was pretty much the whole point but interested in further feedback. Last para gone and some further twiddles made.
</p>Vertically Challenged Giant on "Bishop and actress 'couldn't keep it up any longer'"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41656#post-118798
Tue, 17 Apr 2012 10:24:50 +0000Vertically Challenged Giant118798@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Don't think the last para works either. Also think that the rooster part feels a bit too forced for me, you can see what's coming a mile off.</p>
<p>Is there room at the end for something like:</p>
<p>The final straw came when Turnbull came home drunk one night while Waterson was trying to sleep, kicked her back doors in and left a terrible mess in the back passage. So she reported him for rape.
</p>cinquecento on "Bishop and actress 'couldn't keep it up any longer'"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41656#post-118793
Tue, 17 Apr 2012 09:55:54 +0000cinquecento118793@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>room for 'under the doctor' ?<br />
mostly oo-er good; don't like last para - logic doesn't flow from first sentence to second, so 4 Matrons...
</p>Oxbridge on "Bishop and actress 'couldn't keep it up any longer'"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41656#post-118786
Tue, 17 Apr 2012 09:38:42 +0000Oxbridge118786@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>In what is seen as a 'big blow' for celebrity watchers, The Right Reverend Geoffrey Turnbull, Bishop of Norwich, and former Hollyoaks actress Gemma Waterson have announced that their relationship has ended. According to Waterson's agent, the couple had endured too many ups and downs but simply could not stick things out any longer.</p>
<p>A source close to Turnbull said that Waterson was suffering from emotional problems and he didn't want to give her one more by commenting in public. 'She has many knockers but Geoffrey won't be one of them. In fact, when two intrusive journalists pushed him too hard on the subject, he knocked one out'.</p>
<p>According to Waterson's friends, however, she had frequently been up all night with worry about Turnbull's eccentric behaviour. It is alleged that he was recently abusive to Waterson when retrieving a prize winning Rhode Island Red rooster from the jaws of her pet cat, which had just chased it into a river at the bird sanctuary she runs in Devon.</p>
<p>'He was screaming as he pulled his throbbing red cock from out of her wet pussy,' said Charlotte Brown, an assistant at the sanctuary. 'There were boobies and great tits banging about all the over place. Then they all calmed down, went upstairs and had sex.'</p>
<p>Unfortunately, Turnbull came home drunk later that night while Waterson was trying to sleep, kicked her back doors in and left a terrible mess in the back passage. As a result, he is under arrest on suspicion of sexual assault and the split is permanent. AND the one in their relationship.</p>
<p>Hello! magazine editor Rosie Nixon said that this was the worst news she had heard since the much loved comedy trio James Price, Hamish MacDougall and Paddy Murphy stopped going into pubs together after they realised that they were broadly similar in terms of intelligence and generosity.</p>
<p>[Hat tip to VCG. From original by vens123]
</p>Gary Stanton on "Solar activity blamed for the late arrival of Tit Monday"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2819#post-8365
Mon, 19 Apr 2010 19:33:59 +0000Gary Stanton8365@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Evenin' all. Many thanks Mr Chigley, Stunts, Mazza and Sauce and to all the lovely people who voted for me. </p>
<p>Time for my bath...
</p>sauce on "Solar activity blamed for the late arrival of Tit Monday"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2819#post-8311
Mon, 19 Apr 2010 15:21:41 +0000sauce8311@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>And well done for your careful historical research. He wasn't called Pepys for nothing.
</p>Mary Evans on "Solar activity blamed for the late arrival of Tit Monday"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2819#post-8265
Mon, 19 Apr 2010 12:24:31 +0000Mary Evans8265@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Gazza! Good to see you back. This made me laugh my well-covered tatty bojangles off. Lovely stuff.
</p>allmyownstunts on "Solar activity blamed for the late arrival of Tit Monday"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2819#post-8252
Mon, 19 Apr 2010 10:21:53 +0000allmyownstunts8252@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Be better if it was called Tat Monday up here, given the amount of tattoos that get unleashed when the sun comes out.</p>
<p>Nice work Gaz, just the right mix of brains and puerile smut.
</p>MrChigleysAunt on "Solar activity blamed for the late arrival of Tit Monday"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2819#post-8246
Mon, 19 Apr 2010 09:49:00 +0000MrChigleysAunt8246@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Brilliant.<br />
I believe the French say of a woman in a low-cut dress something like "tout le monde c'est sur le balcone"
</p>Gary Stanton on "Solar activity blamed for the late arrival of Tit Monday"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2819#post-8241
Mon, 19 Apr 2010 09:18:17 +0000Gary Stanton8241@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Climate Scientists seeking to explain the extraordinary lateness of this year’s Tit Monday, the first monday of the year on which women deem it warm enough to shed those extra layers, believe they have fingered the sun as the likely cause. </p>
<p>By plotting the number of sun spots on the x axis versus historical kit-off dates on the y axis, John Tyndall, tit-obsessed Professor of Meteorology at Reading University, claims he has found a clear correlation between low sun spot counts and colder winters. </p>
<p>Professor Tyndall believes the sun was also responsible for the period known as The Great Breast Drought, a period that ran from 1450 to 1850 during which winters were harsh, tops stayed on and frost fairs were regularly held on the Thames. Such conditions were reported by the noted diarist and dirty bastard Samuel Pepys:</p>
<p><em>‘The thirteenth day of May in the year of our Lord 1642. Alas, while the wind doth remain in the east, the arryval of Tit Mondaye is to the goode people of London nought but a dream. Verily, not a single cleavage could I spy on my perambulations twixt Whitehchapel and Stepney Green. Though as I came within earshot of Bow Bells, a girl of some ill repute did take it upon herself to raise her skirts skyward affording me an ample view of her cunny. After stopping to engage my tumescence, I was moved on by the Parish Constable.’ </em></p>
<p>Despite this misfortune, Pepys’ day was not entirely ruined as he later found himself at a gentlemens’ club sitting across from an old portrait of Queen Elizabeth I in a low cut dress, which , according to Pepys :</p>
<p><em>‘..shewed just enough tit as to reinstate my former proudness. Indeed, such was my desire for the virgin monarch and so lifelike her image, I was able to confirm that a bit did leake out. In my defence, her depyction hath impressed upon me that she was clearly gagging for it..’ </em></p>
<p>Tyndall has warned breast fans that as solar activity continues to dip, we could be heading into a prolonged period known as a Maunder Minimum characterised by fewer sun spots, bitterly cold winters and long roll-neck jumpers which leave far too much to the imagination.</p>
<p>‘While this may provide some respite from anthropogenic global warming, it’s very bad news for those with a penchant for big melons. Red-blooded fellas should seriously think about moving to the south of France.’ </p>
<p>‘At this latitude warmer temperatures coupled with a liberal beach policy mean you don’t have to walk very far without copping an eyeful, whereupon one might be prompted to ask <em>' Si vous vendez ces chiots, Je voudrais celui avec le nez rose! '</em></p>
<p>'Or - if you're selling those puppies, I'll have the one with the pink nose'
</p>