#Nanowrimo 2010: Day 16 – Some fun with an extract

One of the ideas from the Regional forum on the Nanowrimo site was to try to work in the following:

– Include the phrase, “BAN THIS SICK FILTH!” somewhere in your story; and
– Include a talking ham somewhere in your story.

I had a think and was able to include both, but when I was writing the introduction/history of Gregory Black I decided to have one beget the other:

The final straw was when he was recommended by a colleague from way back who couldn’t take a role in a pilot for a children’s show. The producer contacted Gregory and was enthusiastic when he reviewed his curriculum vitae, providing the right level of praise and recognition and as such Gregory was happy to take part in the filming.

And so it was that Gregory found himself in a stage made up to look like a butcher’s shop, surrounded by puppets of various cuts of meat; a lamb chop replete with mint leaf hair, a honey glazed ham, sextuplet sausages and a small group of squeaky voiced meatballs. The setting was odd to say the least, and the fact that he was dressed in a perfectly clean butcher’s apron, replete with mesh hat to cover his receding hairline didn’t help to make it any less trippy.

Of course, first reviews of the dailies didn’t go well and as the second day’s filming began, news began to filter down that there needed to be the addition of musical numbers, with each of the meats singing. This didn’t go down well with the voice actors, to the extent that the voice of the ham broke into his hip flask and decided to continue through the day imbibing. Which in turn led to him trying out some new voices and slipping in less and less subtle character nuances, until the ham had morphed into a cross between a televangelist and the late Mary Whitehouse.

Gregory knew it was all over, when the ham bellowed: “BAN THIS SICK FILTH!”
As he left the studio and felt at his lowest, the only options seemed to be give up, follow through with more inane opportunities in the hopes of landing something big, or go back to where it all began and provide his experience in amateur dramatics.