The Fear v The Excitement

I think the title sums up exactly how I feel. It has been almost two weeks since I realised I was pregnant. Those two weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions and I have to add that it has been the craziest two weeks I've had in a while. The past two and half years have been difficult, we lost twins and suffered greatly as a result of that loss. Due to an injury that was given to me by the hospital at the time of that loss I had to endure two surgeries to get fixed. In that period of time we have had several early miscarriages, the story is so sad you couldn't make it up to go in a novel.

Anyways, fast forward to now! Right now I am pregnant, right now my husband and I are the happiest couple of earth. The fear of loss is there and it's very very real, but it's not going to beat me. I have told myself that everything will be okay, everything is okay. My signs are good. This baby will have every day of its life celebrated with joy, whether that life is a few weeks in my tummy or a long and full life outside my tummy. This baby deserves recognition and not to have its life overshadowed with the darkness of worry.

My first scan is after Easter and I am looking forward to it, I'm also secretly hoping I will discover that we have twins hiding in there. Now that would just be the icing on the cake.