Is It Cheating? Internet Flirtations and Affairs

There used to be a time when cheating in relationships was viewed by most people as wrong- no two ways about it. Today, the view that many people have of cheating is somewhat morally ambiguous and obscure. It seems that there is no longer any clear sense of right or wrong on the part of many. As a result, many have come to have a casual view of sexual or sexual suggestive relationships. In the past, people used to physically go out of their way to keep an extramarital affair secret. In recent times, however, because of modern technology, people have found a new way of cheating, today it is known as internet cheating, or an internet affair.

A young woman named Donna was to be married in two weeks. She happened to be sitting at her fiancé’s computer to send thank you emails to those who had responded to her and her fiancé’s wedding invitation. Then, she saw what a very disturbing email was. Her fiancé' had written a sexually explicit email to another woman, in which he spoke about the "sexy" pictures the woman had sent him; in fact he said in the email that he looked forward to more of such pictures. It gave the strong suggestion of an affair.

Understandably upset by this, Donna confronted her fiancé', Todd, denied having such an affair with another woman. Then he finally broke down and confessed that he had met the woman at an online chat room, during a stressful moment, distressed about the upcoming wedding. While doing so, he started surfing the web and came upon an internet chat room where he met a woman named Tina-or at last that's the name she gave him. In fact, he had never even met her personally. At first, the conversations were friendly; they talked about things that most people might talk about. However, as the discussions continued, it began to take on a more erotic tone.

Based on the evidence that she read in the email, Donna no longer felt she could trust her fiancé'. Although the wedding was not called off-they did get married as planned-their marriage had a rocky start. It wasn't long before Donna and Todd had to seek marriage counseling.

Their relationship was destroyed because of an internet affair. This leads to the question, is an internet fling or flirtation cheating? Some say that it is something that is personal, others disagree. For those who say that such a relationship is personal, they might want to ask themselves, how would they feel if their fiancé' (fiancée') or spouse cheated on them on the internet? Then would they consider it to be "personal"? For those who disagree, this is not unusual; it's only natural for persons to get angry about being being cheated out of something-or someone. Have you ever been cheated out of a large sum of money? Were you happy? Probably not. Well, that's how many people feel about cheating in what is supposed to be a loving and committed relationship.

Yes, cheating used to be as clear as black and white. Now, it seems that nothing is right or wrong anymore. Statistically, men engage in cheating-internet or otherwise than women, now it seems that the women are starting to catch up in the cheating game as well.

So, is internet cheating okay? Based on the kinds of problems it creates, such as the above case, many might tend to say that it is not-at least not for them.

What is happening in a marriage or committed relationship to cause one or both people to search out for past loves online?

Comments

Oct 14, 2011 5:05pm

vicdillinger
I think women tend to view such activities as a betrayal more than men would (this is not an indictment, just a fact). However, the intimcay between two committed people is compromised regardless of whether it's a man or woman engaged in the behavior -- the other person is sharing something with a third party he or she should keep to his beloved. Or girlfriend of the hour.

Oct 14, 2011 9:59pm

dadbintheadmin
I agree. When you share intimate facts about yourself or turn to a 3rd party with issues that you should be addressing with your partner, that can be construed as a form of betrayal, even though it's not physically cheating. At the core it usually shows a breakdown in communication between the couple.

BohoGypsyArtist
Thank you for your comments and insights. Cheating, betrayal, physical or not, I think the bottom line is how such actions affect the element of trust with your partner. I think in each instance trust is compromised and things are just going to get a lot more difficult from there. When trust is compromised, then in my opinion that constitutes a betrayal.

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