Bad Axe Throwing

For as long as there have been people, throwing, and axes, people have been throwing axes. It’s a marvelous way to blow off steam, and to this day we haven’t developed another means of getting axes from A to B quite so efficiently. Problem is, high society frowns on axe throwing in most settings. Practice the noble art at the shopping mall or theater and you’ll be sternly compelled to go somewhere quiet and alone for a while. So where does one go to throw axes without risking property damage, civil forfeiture, and a hearty round of psychiatric evaluation?Why, to Bad Axe Throwing, of course.

Founded by Mario Zelaya of Burlington, Ontario back in 2014, Bad Axe Throwing is essentially bowling alleys for axes. The enterprising Canadian used to throw axes in his backyard with his brother in law for fun, but he soon saw that there was a demand for the old lumberjack’s pastime in cities as well. Mario started up an axe throwing range in his hometown and soon expanded to Toronto, Ottawa, and some other cities in the true north strong and free. He began to feel sorry for Americans, who have to resort to primitive guns to approach anything near the thrill that axe throwing provides, so he expanded to Denver, Chicago, Washington, D.C., and some other cities as well. Finally, in November, Bad Axe Throwing is coming to 2505 Kennedy St NE, Minneapolis.

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This will be a permanent axe throwing facility, where all who attend may reserve their own axe throwing lanes. The scoring works like in archery, with higher points awarded for axes sunk nearer to the bullseye. If you can stick an axe into one of the little blue dots on the target under the right circumstances, you get a hefty bonus. Participants throw simultaneously for an added element of competition. You may throw a five pound axe or a two and a half pound hatchet. Contrary to what you might think, the heavier axes are the easier ones to guide. Hatchets separate the schmoes from the pros when it comes to axe throwing — that’s why Mel Gibson used a tomahawk in The Patriot. Sharpen your axe throwing skills enough and you may join the World Axe Throwing League, the governing body of the sport with members in several countries.

Bad Axe Throwing is ideal for morale-building company outings, bachelor and bachelorette parties, and birthday parties (for adults). They also boast their services to people celebrating divorces, and they invite revellers to bring their own targets for such occasions — of what, I can’t imagine.

If you would like to play Canadian darts but don’t want to sacrifice the security deposit on your apartment, you’re very fortunate for this exciting new enterprise’s arrival in Minneapolis this winter. If you’ve got pluck and luck, don’t be a schmuck — run amok and chuck like a Canuck.