Thursday, January 16, 2014

As many of you know, I had a little surprise before the holidays. Turns out I had a spot of breast cancer. People started leaving pink ribbons on my doorstep and on the windshield of my car, much to my chagrin.

You know what's worse than finding out you have breast cancer, though? Finding out on the same day you learned you have cancer that your car has only six weeks to live! I was far more disturbed by that cheery piece of news from my mechanic than I was about the cancer. After all, Old Blue and I have been together for 19 years and I was hoping we'd make it to our 20th anniversary. Alas, it was not meant to be. *sigh* But I digress. Back to the whole "my car's dying but I'm not" saga...

The holidays were filled with fun activities like biopsies and MRIs and being injected with radioactive isotopes and having a freakishly long needle stuck into my boob without any anesthetic! Not only that, they just left it sitting there, poking out a good three inches! It was like those first aid videos where the guy has the chunk of glass jutting out of his arm and they have to pack it with gauze and bandages to keep it from moving. Except this time they put an adorable blue face mask over the needle after they packed gauze around it. Stylin'!

After all that, the surgery was nothing! They took out the cancer blob and some lymph nodes, then sewed, glued and taped me back together again. They even gave me a cute little pit pillow made by hospital volunteers to keep my arm from bumping my incision. I was home two hours after surgery, happily doped up and mellowed out in my recliner.

Trust me... I was feeling no pain!

Now three weeks post surgery you can hardly tell I had breast cancer. Seriously! I defy you to spot the difference:

Yeah... I went there.

I still have some fun stuff to contend with, (like 6 weeks of radiation,) but overall it's all good. I'm kicking cancer's butt to the curb!