I'm a 38 year old father to a 6 day old newborn. I'm at my wits end already!

The first few days were hard, but together with my wife, we powered through the sleeplessness and were doing fine. I don't know what's different, but today I am SO frustrated by my baby boy crying. I work from home and I haven't been able to work at all because I'm so tired...I'm helping fifty/fifty with my wife - we take turns taking three or four hour naps and stay with the baby the rest of the time, I change his diapers most of the time, she pumps breast milk and we take turns feeding him. Between setting up all the baby stuff and taking turns taking care of the baby, I can't get the energy up to work at all - I'm a web/graphic designer, and I'm unable to be creative in these circumstances.

My beautiful baby boy has only been alive for 6 days, and I'm already at my wits end. My wife is trying hard to make it easier on me (even though she shouldn't have to!) but she is recovering from the pregnancy and a tear in her vagina, so she's in a fair amount of pain, in addition to having to breast feed and help with the baby. We're both trying hard, but she seems much more capable of dealing with the baby's crying.

Tonight, I had to walk away from him and I was very mad. I don't want to be mad at my new baby, and I don't want to put any extra responsibility on my wife...help!

Re: I'm a 38 year old father to a 6 day old newborn. I'm at my wits end already!

Ths is normal!

There will be times when you have to walk away. Your babys cry will get right to the places that irritate and push your buttons. So do that, its OK to walk away. Its OK to leave baby in their cot / moses basket for a few minutes while you go and breath away from the crying.

Working from home with a newborn is almost impossible, do you have somewhere quiet to go? My advice would be, if you can, give yourself another week before you try to work. My fathers take 2 weeks paternity leave.

There will be good days and bad ones, but the sleepless nights end, they settle and you will enjoy being a Dad.

Your wife will get stronger too and you will cope. We all go through it. Sleep when you can and you will look back and hopefully remember the good times. Nobody can prepare you for this time, your doing OK!

The Following User Says Thank You to Basswife For This Useful Post:rastro (12-30-2011)

Re: I'm a 38 year old father to a 6 day old newborn. I'm at my wits end already!

Thank you Basswife, for your response. I'm still struggling, but it's better. My wife and I decided to take longer shifts, because we think it's the lack of sleep that's making me have such short patience, so now I sleep for 6-8 hours and then take the baby in the morning while she sleeps, then when she gets up later in the day, we both work together to take care of him.

I'm not sure what to do at all about when she has to go back to work and I need to work from home - we can't really afford a nanny, and there's no way I can do the work I do and take care of the baby by myself for 8 hours a day.

Re: I'm a 38 year old father to a 6 day old newborn. I'm at my wits end already!

As a mom who did full time care of my 2 as hubby couldn't afford to take any time off, I know your frustration. I'm proud to say my son did at least 50-50 care with his wife and when she did some overtime on Saturdays, he took the baby and often would take her for the day just to give his wife a break.

But he developed one sneaky trick I wish I had thought of when he was little. Babies cry instead of talk and when are tired, they just let it all hang out. So he'd get her all changed and made sure she was comfy in her car seat(they used it inside too) and then he'd put her in a darkened bathroom and turn on the ceiling fan that takes the moisture out of the bathroom and close the door most of the way and she'd be out like a light in no time. The quiet whosshing if the fan, the low light of a single night light and she would sleep for a good 2 hours plus. Try it when he gets really fussy.

Remember. he just came from 9 months of listening to the constant beat of a heart, blood rushing by, digestive noises, darkness and warmth......re-create that same situation and he should calm down and sleep.

It takes time to get used to moving into a new neighborhood and for you it takes time getting used to living on less sleep. But you'll all adjust.

At least you didn't have the situation one of my friends just had. They waited a little too long to head to the hospital and baby was delivered by a cop on the side of a 4 lane road, in the car, in the dark. Now that's the way to start an new life!

Re: I'm a 38 year old father to a 6 day old newborn. I'm at my wits end already!

Wish I'd thought of that Trick Jenny!! Your right about the noises we would take them out in the car when it got too bad.

Going back to work is such a tricky one! There are other child care options here which are far cheaper than a Nanny. (in the UK) Most people use a childminder or nursery. A childminder looks after the child at their home and its not normally their biggest income so they can be cheaper. Look into whats around you. HOWEVER the working at home gets easier as they get bigger so just see how it goes and look around. I know your frustrations! Make sure you meet all the people involved in the childcare you use and are happy with what they say.

Re: I'm a 38 year old father to a 6 day old newborn. I'm at my wits end already!

Do you have a grandmother or aunt that could help out a bit? I know my daughter worked from home and I went over Mon-Fri and got up at night with the baby so my daughter could rest and both parents could be rested to go to work the next day. It may not be possible but a helping hand could be the god send you need. it was tough those first few months until the baby slept all night but I guarantee the rewards will be great. I was thrilled to help out and would not have missed it for the world. Sometimes, all you have to do is ask for a little help.

Re: I'm a 38 year old father to a 6 day old newborn. I'm at my wits end already!

My son cried a lot when we brought him home and we were also so sleep deprived. We rented "THe Happiest Baby on the Block" DVD by Harvey Karp from our local library and it changed our lives. It also comes in book form, but we needed help right away. I highly recommend it. It helped gets us through those first several hard weeks. My son will be 4 in Nov. and he still sleeps with a sound machine.