Man To Sue Government Over 'Knackered Lawn'

The UK heatwave which has been heating and waving for three weeks now, has 'knackered' a man's lawn in Shropshire, it has been alleged.

The man, Les Jonno, says that the unseasonal 'red-hot' temperatures have put paid to decades of diligent, determined and scrupulous botanical work, during which he tended his lawn 'like a flock of lambs'.

Jonno, 52, of Shrewsbury, says he knows where to lay the blame for the shambles:

"It's the government, isn't it? raged Les. "Its failure to act quick enough in taking preventive action has resulted in my lawn dying a death I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, and believe me, I have a lot of enemies!"

Les says he'll sue for something-or-other. He hasn't figured out the details yet.

Others' lawns have suffered similar fates. Alice Gibson, 91, from Teignmouth, claims she "actually witnessed" the death of her grass:

"It was awful. I was there! I actually witnessed the death of my grass! It was just SO hot! I could see the lawn was in a great deal of pain, and I swear on all that is holy, that I could hear the individual blades of grass crying out for my help, but there was absolutely nothing I could do. I'm just a crackpot old spinster, you see."

The hotness is showing no obvious signs of letting up, and may even get hotter, depending on whether it gets any cooler or not.

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