THE FDA ISN'T DOWN, BUT I DON'T CARE: 5 Healthy, Crazy-Trendy, and Non-Government Approved Drinks That I Live For

Remember Cat’s obsession with her fancy green juice, right? Well, it got me thinking about my own drinking habits. I spend money on chic health beverages. I even like my booze full of benefits and healthy ingredients, and that stuff doesn't come cheap.

At my last job as a copywriter, I used to show up each day with at least three drinks and display them all on my desk like a smug health snob, but I’m not—I swear! I just like looking at my beverages and, okay, showing them off a little. They're like a healthy little family, right there on my desk. I love my array of choices that I can trust not to make me bloated like, say, Diet Coke. I think that's fair.

So here we go—a breakdown of the healthy dranks I’m feeling, what makes them work and why you should join my drinking club.

But now it's back. The revamped formula won’t give you a buzz, but it’s still got a boasty list of health words on the bottle that always gets me going: Reawaken! Rethink! Retain! Reactivate! Rebirth! Don’t mind if I do!

In many South American countries, yerba mate is preferred to coffee for its euphoric, energizing effect, and since South Americans are notoriously good-looking, I’ll have what they’re having. Does that make sense?

Maybe not, but this caffeinated concoction claims to pack the strength of coffee, the health benefits of tea, and the euphoria of chocolate all in one beverage AND it’s helping to rebuild the South American rainforests where yerba mate grows.

You can’t argue with that, and you also can't help but write run-ons when you're drinking this stuff.

Made with raw tumeric, ginger, spearmint, cardamom, lemon, sea salt, honey and cayenne, this wholesome formula claims to completely detoxify you. According to their website:

“Curcumin, the active ingredient in turmeric, is effective in combating literally all known inflammatory agents. These active curcumins rejuvenate the skin, improve mental clarity, and enhance circulation while lowering high blood pressure and bad cholesterol. Studies show that curcumin can strengthen weakened cells, empower immune response and increase serotonin and dopamine levels in the brain.”

Like Cat, I used to gag down water and really didn't bother with it, ever, even after a run or a really rough night. Until, that is, I tried Penta! It's just a brand of water, but somehow it's amazing. Apparently the water goes through a patented filtration process in which it spins at high speed and pressure for 11 hours, thus increasing antioxidant activity.

If you've ever had this stuff, I'm telling you, there's sort of no going back to vile Dasani. Penta just feels better in your mouth; it's easier to swallow than other water, too. If I sound crazy, remember, Cat and I really, really have trouble with water. We're not normal.

The world’s first acai spirit, this mild fruity liquor makes me feel so much less guilty when glowy supermodels like Naomi Campbell go telling Italian Vogue they don’t drink alcohol. I don’t have that kind of willpower, okay! But Veev makes it all better since it’s packed with trendy little superfruits and never leaves me with a hangover.

Now I want to hear about the drinks you love. They don't have to be healthy, I don't care. Go on tell me--in the comments!