Furious Muslims have heavily criticised Walkers crisps after it emerged that certain varieties of the manufacturer’s products contain trace elements of alcohol.

Some crisp types use minute amounts of alcohol as a chemical agent to extract certain flavours.
[...]
Mr Rehman told the paper: “A customer informed us that Sensations Thai Sweet Chilli and Doritos Chilli Heat Wave are not on Walkers’ alcohol-free list.
[...]
“I feel frustrated and angry. I have let my customers down simply because such a big company like Walkers is not sensitive to Muslim needs.”

Muslim Dorito-lovers were unavailable for comment concerning the alcohol content of their favorite chips as they were busy inexplicably putting their friends in a headlock, lining up at the BK drive-thru at 2 a.m. and hitting on fat girls.

Followers of Islam, such as “Islamic Rage Boy,” pictured above, are forbidden to consume alcohol because it might make them do crazy things