Monday, November 24, 2008

I always ask people, "If you had to choose one motto by which to live your life, what would it be?" I have never heard anyone say my favoritemotto, well, except "The Gambler". My favorite motto is, "You gotta know when to hold 'em, when to fold 'em, when to walk away and when to run." This is particularly true in relationships.

How many times have you been in a situation where you knew that your best move was going to be to just put yourself and the other person on hold, not say anything, and wait for a better moment? That's called "hold em".

There are those time when you know you don't have the winning hand, so you "fold 'em". You yield until the next hand and then you try again.

And I'm sure we've all had times when the best thing to do was to "walk away", or even "run".

Unlike the gambler, playing a game of cards, we are playing the game of life, which sometimes hit us fast and hard. We don't always get the opportunity to make a conscious choice about how we are going to respond to another person or situation. We can't always be that present in the moment. Sometimes we react in a way that isn't necessarily going to help the situation because we are coming from some past experience or story. For example, sometimes we hold when it would have been much more effective to fold, walk away or run!

The Wisdom of the "Gambler"I have used the "wisdom" of the Gambler for a very long time in my own life. In some ways the Five Rings system of stress response can be compared to the Gambler. The five rings are ways of being in the world, corresponding to the elements, wind, water, fire and ground. The 5th ring is space, the pause in between each moment.

To "hold" is ground, holding your ground. To "fold" is water, yielding. To "walk away" is wind, and to" run" is fire. Of course it's not really that simple, but it's a beginning, one example of how to use this information as a tool in your life. Each of these rings has a powerful side and a not so powerful aspect. Most of us, when pushed to react, will tend to react in one of the rings most frequently. Sometimes that response will be effective and sometimes, more often, it will not, because it is a stress response, not an empowered response, not a conscious choice.

If you are not living in the present moment in your life, you will tend to bring your history, your truth about the situation to the present moment. When you do this you will tend toward the same reaction in most situations, chances are it will serve you positively some of the time, but,since you are dealing with so many different types of people and situations in your life, and not really responding to the present moment, much of the time you will experience your reactions as ineffective.

The goal is to become present in each moment of your life. As you do this, you will begin to recognize, know and understand your own stress response, and then to know and understand all five rings. When you understand all the rings, you will be able to recognize the ring from which the other person is coming, and then you will be able to choose the best ring with which to handle each situation or person that comes your way in the present moment. You will know when to hold 'em, fold 'em, walk away and run from a conscious, present and empowered place.

The #1 reason marriages break up is because they lose site of the love that brought them together. I help couples break through their personal barriers, opening their whole heart to experience their authentic connection. The Whole Heart Path awaits you...