Thursday, 18 February 2016

Falling TRPs, public backlashes, and sinking credibility had already created an air of despondency in many news studios, and when Arnab Goswami trended on Twitter for two consecutive days, they couldn’t take it anymore and decided to blow off Times Now studio.

The incident happened at around 9 PM last night when hundreds of fighter jets scrambled from NDTV, CNN-IBN, and Headlines Today offices to carry out the air strike. “Let’s teach these eight talking heads and a screaming anchor a lesson,” came a voice from the NDTV jet as they converged on top of Times Now building.

Rajdeep Sardesai, in a fit of fury, forgot the drill and jumped on the terrace, screaming, “This is Sparta,” which forced them to continue the mission without his support. But as Ravish Kumar was getting ready to fire the first missile, Prannoy Roy pointed towards the sky and they noticed a few spacecrafts approaching the building.

It was 9 PM and the Newshour was going on in full swing, and as the nation knows, the sound that emanates from the studio during the show sends radio waves into the space, which attracts aliens and they hover over the building from 9 PM to 11 PM.

As the spacecrafts and fighter jets came face to face, they took vicious u-turns and flew in the opposite directions, while Rajdeep screamed from the terrace, “What am I supposed to be doing here?”

Later they held a secret meeting where Rajdeep proposed, “I can take him on in a fist fight.”

“No, let’s create a fake Twitter account and tweet Pogo cartoons. No one will take him seriously after that,” suggested Suhasini Haidar.

Unfortunately, soon after a few Pogo cartoons were tweeted from the newly created fake account, a Twitter handle @officeofRG followed the account and started retweeting the cartoons.

Wednesday, 17 February 2016

India’s
premier institute JNU will no longer hold regular classes in the campus
as the management has decided to lease out the facility to various
political parties for campaigns and rallies...continue reading

Thursday, 11 February 2016

In a path-breaking development, psychiatrists from AIIMS have found the
most effective treatment for schizophrenia: they would now recite Rahul Gandhi’s quotes to patients suffering from psychiatric ailments instead of following conventional procedures....continue reading

Saturday, 6 February 2016

Inspired by Sonu Nigam’s impromptu gig
while aboard a passenger flight, Himesh Reshammiya too decided to
entertain the passengers in a Jet Airways flight by singing some of his
chartbuster songs...continue readiing

Thursday, 4 February 2016

They say social media is a stress buster but Rakesh, a social media
fanatic, may not fully agree with this.In his quest for fame, Rakesh has been sharing his thoughtful portraits
on various social networking platforms for the past few years but the demanding
process of producing those photographs has landed him in the hospital with a
stiff neck.

The incident happened yesterday after Rakesh repeatedly posed for the
camera in his signature posture, looking at the distant sky, when suddenly his
neck got stuck sideways and he was unable to turn it back to normal anatomical
position.

When his friends realized he was staring blankly at the sky for no
apparent reason for an hour, they rushed him to the hospital where he was
diagnosed with a sprained neck.

We visited him in the hospital and he greeted us warmly with his gaze
fixed at the ceiling.“See, competition
is very tough on social media.You have
to constantly prove that you are better than the rest in order to get likes and
shares, because, as they say, it’s not important what is said, what matters is
who is saying it,” he looked at us to see approval in our eyes, holding a
posture reminiscent of Paul Adams in his final delivery stride, before turning
his gaze back to ceiling as he continued, “Your bio holds the key on social
media.But at the same time you cannot
just talk the talk, you must walk the walk as well.For example, if your bio reads, ‘I am a
biker,’ then you should, ideally, post 3-4 pictures of your bike every day, or
at least, pictures of your helmet if you don’t own a bike.And, as a biker, the ultimate purpose of your
life is to get yourself photographed on the foothills of Himalayas with 3 biker
friends, and that’s when you achieve Moksha.”

“But things are slightly different for me because I am not a biker, I
am a thinker as mentioned on my bio.And
it’s difficult to get myself clicked when I am actually thinking, so I have to
reconstruct the whole process of thinking later when someone, preferably a
known person, is holding a camera in close proximity.I am sure, my current inactive status on
social media is giving my followers an impression that I have stopped
thinking.”

“But now that the doctors have asked you to be careful with your neck
movement for the next few months, how would you portray your thought process on
social media?” we inquired.

“Photoshop.I have to find the
person who photoshops Narendra Modi’s pictures.The one in which he is conducting aerial survey of Chennai was an
amazing work of art. Until then I will
be sharing photographs of trees, clouds, birds, or anything that signifies
imagination…I mean, anything that’s not on the ground,” he concluded.