this is definitely considered abuse, emotional/mental and even physical. He slapped you once already.. its only a matter of time before he does it again, and/or worse. He's trying to keep control over you; not giving you permission to go out, telling you the house isn't clean enough... are you his child or his wife??

Was he always like this, or did it just change once you were married?

I'm sure you love him, but I also think that as you've said, gotten used to it. You've been putting up with it for so long. But.. you shouldn't be tolerating it. I'm glad that you've already talked to him about this, and have suggested counseling. His refusal to go seems to say that he doesn't see anything wrong in his behavior, and that he is happy with the way things are. If you really want to work on this marriage then you need to give him an ultimatum. Counseling, or you leave. To show him you are serious, arrange with a friend or family member to stay with them for a bit. Let him know that you're not going to put up with his abusive treatment anymore.

Are the few days of his happy mood worth all the bad? Think a few years ahead.. do you plan to have children one day? Do you want him to treat your children the same way.. or have them see you be treated like that? If you don't put a stop to it now, it will only get worse...