3 Comments

This, not laziness, why I’m choose to procrastinate on assignments I know I can ace if I put in the effort.

I’ve gotten to the point in my life where I’ve decided to cultivate within myself a ‘staple’ sense of vulerability. I was the person who wanted to be liked, but the vast majority of the world found that, for various reasons within and out of my control, too painful.

But with that being said, feeling vulerable is far more an enlivining experience than feeling safe. It’s the kind of thing that drains one of every last ounce of energy, only to rejuvinate the same sense of spirit that it suffused like nothing else can. And, although, for this I will pay dearly, I’ve always been curious to know what it’s like to die at age 95 having little if any sense of intimacy with somebody other than my parents (no friendships, let alone relationships). I wonder how exactly I’d contribute. I wonder how people would remember me after I’m gone–or if anyone, even my blood relatives, would remember me at all if they knew I existed.

I’ll stop right there. I’m starting to make myself nauseous, but, for me, the ‘fraility’ evoked by Tim and Eric, that, for me, at least, coaxes me into asking questions in a way feeling safe never could.

Is it appropriate for a woman of color to be commenting on the art of two white men? Come to think of it, what was Spike Lee doing when he decided to direct Edward Norton in “25th Hour”? How does that work with a black man trying to get into the head of a white actor. Shouldn’t every film have a separate director for each ethnicity or gender represented in a film? Shouldn’t there be multiple screen writers as well? I think these are legitimate questions.