This list at Forbes of the 10 highest-paid authors over the past year is unsurprising. James Patterson, Stephenie Meyer, John Grisham, etc. JK Rowling is just getting by on the residual wizardry ($10 million), but she better write something else soon.

What’s shocking is the following: “One out of every 17 novels bought in the U.S. are authored by Patterson.” Wow. That’s almost more dispiriting than straight-up illiteracy stats. Plus, this: Stephen King is working on a musical with John Mellencamp.

But as Sarah Crown pointed out on Twitter, the “real news” is Dean Koontz’s hair, which gives Blagojevich a run for his money.