Verily, With Difficulty….

It’s been so long again! I’ve actually been thinking of writing this post for weeks now, but never got around to it. Making excuses for myself, but now I finally feel like sitting down and writing, so here goes!

Life has a funny way of turning and changing things in a matter of months, days, seconds. We as humans probably get too complacent with things and the way they were, that it becomes difficult to change and go with the flow when things do eventually change.

In the last few months, life has changed so dramatically for me, I would never have expected it to be. I still do wish I could just go back to the summer and my cousins wedding, and forget any of all that has happened since.

I’m making this sound more dramatic than it probably is, ha! But seriously, life has changed for the better in some ways (alhumd) since, and in other ways, stress has taken over me in a big way as well.

This is probably one of my favorite verses from the Holy Quran. My other half actually showed me this years ago back when we were in college and things were getting tough. Ha, i laugh now because those days were cake compared to now. I’m sure i’ll look back in a few years and say the same thing about now. Time is such a funny thing.

Anyways, this verse of the Quran is something i actually have printed out and pinned on my desk at work too. I try to remind myself that this is the truest statement, and the difficulty of now will soon be eased.

I don’t want to go into too much detail or the specifics – I just felt like writing this post to get it out on paper (sort of) and to just explain how i’ve been dealing with it all.

Tawaqul – The idea that it is all in God’s plan, trust in God’s plan, only trust and rely on God. When things got tough in terms of my personal life/relationship, this was the only concept i had to completely and continuously reiterate to myself. I knew that at certain points, we as the individuals in the relationship, and our parents, did what we needed to; the rest was up to God to make it follow through. Alhumdulilah, for most things did work out, things got set, and essentially we are just waiting until then for it all to come together. Even though I practice my faith regularly, i’m nowhere where i want to be and struggle with putting complete faith in my Lord. It’s a shame to say that, but it is true. Even though i know that at the end of the day, there is no one else but God who can make things happen. We as humans plan and plan, and if anyone knows me, knows i am a huge planner. But these past few months have been a wake up call to me to realize that it’s okay and necessary to put faith in the higher power, pray hard, and just realize that things will happen if they are meant to be.

Stepping back- This is a pretty vague one, but no other way to say it. I keep trying to step back and trying to ‘slow’ down, and not get so caught up in all this madness of life. Work, school, personal life are completely taking over all of my time and has driven me to a few break downs, and at the end of the day, I kick myself for letting it all get the best of me. Yes, it is good to get the stress and sadness out, but I’m realizing that when i truly ‘step’ back and look at things from a 3rd person point of view, it helps me clear my head.

One day at a time – So cliche i know, but it is true. For someone like me, who’s just been on the go-go-go, one thing after another, my entire life, i’ve never really slowed down to appreciate every day. I’m learning to plan less, and do each day as it’s own.

Putting myself first – In the last few months, I got pretty sick as well on top of work, school, and life; so that also really took a toll on me. I’m still in recovery mode basically, but took a lot of medicine and visited multiple doctors in the last 6-8 weeks. Nothing serious, alhumdulillah, but a chronic/reoccurring thing that needed to just be fixed. So while being sick and dealing with all the person life/relationship issues, i realized that i need to put myself first sometimes, and that that is OKAY. I really struggle with this, because i’ve always been I guess ‘caring’ for others and those around me, not taking my own well-being too seriously, and just pushing myself to the limits sometimes. I’m at the point now, where I’m taking sick days when i need to and not feeling guilty about it. I’m trying to just do ‘nothing’ on the weekends so that my mind and body can relax. It’s so tough – because with everything going on, i’m constantly thinking about just giving up or quitting, but i’m trying my best to talk myself out of it and realizing that I will make it out alive and on the other side iA.

Another thing i’m a firm believer in is, Nazr or Evil Eye. Desi people and Muslims tend to be obsessed with this idea, and something i’ve realized is so true over the years. It gets hard to share the ‘good things’ in life with the world sometimes, because most people don’t really wish you well or are secretly not actually happy for you. Hence why i’ve been private about my relationship in life, but now that our parents are involved and we’re really taking things to the next level, more people (i.e. our families) are in the know and aware of things. They are ‘happy’ but i’ll use that word loosely. I’ve just gotten more cautious about my relationship and attempting to keep faith that we will survive through all the madness and that at the end of the day, love is stronger than anything else.

And another i guess i’d say blessing through all this madness, is realizing that social media isn’t a priority. I’ve blogged a lot less than usual and posted less on Instagram too. I’ve been wanting to, but in the madness of it all, it has not been a priority. And i’ve learned to live without it basically & realized that there are other things more important in life. Not to say that i won’t do these things, because still I do enjoy blogging and IG to a certain degree. It’s just something i’ve put into perspective.

So it is rare to have all aspects of my life (work, school and personal) being painful and causing me stress all at once. I am basically awaiting December so badly, because by then at least school will have calmed down. Work is going to be rough for few months given the cold weathers and just nature of my work and servicing customers around the country.

And lastly, I know I sound privileged and complaining. My heart breaks for the people who have been affected by the countless hurricanes recently and the shooting in LV (crazy to think i was just there earlier this year!). Those people have real life problems and hardships that don’t even compare to mine right now. But i just needed a place to vent my problems out and explain how i’m attempting to deal with them.

IA i’m just trying to keep my head up and make it through each day. I miss blogging and hope to get posts up every now and then because i still do want to share my opinions on my beauty, fashion, and lifestyle, and writing is still super therapeutic for me.

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5 thoughts on “Verily, With Difficulty….”

Good to have you back! Ma sha Allah you are so strong. Whatever you have said I think you have read my mind. This life and world are so unpredictable. We all are struggling in term of faith and tawaqul in our lives. I also believe in nazar and evil eye. All the best wishes and prayers are for you my sister, May ALLAH SWT bless all of us and protect us from every evil eye. Ameen