Thursday, July 28, 2011

Distorted Definitions

APARTHA KOSHA [Distorted Definition] IN ENGLISH

ACTING: Behaving truthfully under imaginary circumstances.ADVOCATE: The only profession where a man can lose his brief and a woman her appeal. ADOLOSCENCE: A stage when kids start questioning the answer.ADULTERY: Democracy applied to lust: Stealing some one else’s rightful position for yourself..AIR RESERVATION: Adjusting our seats to theirs.BIKINI: The funniest apparel when brevity is the wit of soul.BEAUTY PARLOUR: A place where men go to shave face and women to save face.BEST SELLER: A book where there is a beautiful girl on the cover and no cover on the beautiful girl.CAPITAL PUNISHMENT: Spending summer in Delhi.CHAIR: Headquarters for hindquarters.DIETING: Penalty for exceeding feed limits.DHOTI: The only man’s apparel easy to wear and easy to share. One size fits allEGOIST: I-Specialist.ELEPHANT: An animal by washing which you do something big and something clean.EDUCATION: What little information you are left with, after subtracting what you have forgotten from what you have learnt from what you have been taught.FASHION: A woman’s eternal struggle between her admitted desire to dress and the unadmitted desire to undress.FRACTIONS: Two-storeyed numbers.FLATTERY: Counterfeit money which, but for vanity, would have no circulation.FORTIFICATION: Two twentification.FLATTERER: A man who feeds you with an empty spoon GOVERNMENT: An institution with too much overheads and too much underhand.GOVERNMENT PROGRAMME: That which has a beginning, a muddle and no end.GAMBLING: One sure way of getting nothing for something.HOUSEWORK: What a woman does that nobody notices unless she does not.HANDKERCHIEF: A piece of apparel used in a funeral to hide tears not there.INHERITANCE: Will-gotten gains.INDIGESTION: Failure to adjust a square meal to a round stomach.INSURANCE AGENT: A man who does not worry about his future as long as the others are worried about theirs.INFLATION: A stage when a millionaire lives the life of a billionaire.JAIL: The best place to meet people with conviction.KISS: An application at the headquarters for a position at the base.LOVE: Where an attachment precedes a declarationLAW: Where a declaration precedes an attachment.LAMP POST: Easing spot for roaming dogMARRIAGE: An investment that pays you dividend if you pay interest.MAN OF THE HOUR: He, whose wife tells him that she would get ready within a minute.MOTHER: Not a person to lean on, but a person who makes leaning unnecessary.MATHEMATICS: He who hides between two mats with an ICS qualification.

MINT: A factory creating wealth without advertisement NIGHT CLUB: A drinking establishment where the tables are reserved but not the guests.NUDIST CAMP: A place where men and women air there differences.OPTIMIST: A man who does crossword puzzles in ink.PREGNANT: The shape of things to come.PIGGY BANK: Equipment, which makes misers out of children and bank robbers Out of parents. POT HOLES: Depressed speed breakers.POSTMAN: The only profession where you get a sack the very day you join.QUADRUPLETS: Womb mates.RESEARCH: A process of finding out what you are going to do now, when you cannot Keep on doing what you are doing now when you quit what you are doing now. SHOW BUSINESS: A business where each candle on a birthday cake becomes a coffin nail to a female star. TROUSERS: A dress, which is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.UNCOVERED DEFICIT: A Finance Minister’s wife with poorly proportioned exposure. VIRTUE: What you learn on your mother’s kneeVICE: What you learn at some other joint.WOMAN’S MIND: A place which is always kept clean by frequent changes.WASTE OF ENERGY: Telling a hair-raising story to a bald headed man.WELL DIGGING: A profession where you start at the top and end at the bottom. XANTHIPPE: A philosopher’s touchstone for patience YAWN: An opening made by a bore.ZERO: The only number individually ignored but collectively recognized.. B.M.N.MurthyARTICLE NO.579---APARTHA KOSHA [Distorted Definitions ]Created: Tuesday, June 29, 2010 9:21 PM

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Note From Alladi Jayasri: Your articles are a great source of succor and in a way they are a search engine, like Google. I have learnt many interesting things and many of your articles have sparked off the most interesting inquiries into philosophy and mythology- mostly mythology of course, because I love stories!!
Hence this blog