A detailed look at the game of Dungeons & Dragons and all things related

Monday, October 6, 2014

Character Death: A Quick Guide for DMs and PCs

The very first D&D character I ever played (circa.
1995) was a half-elf bard. He was a smarmy know-it-all with a knack for finding
trouble and needing lots of help to get out of it (think Tony Stark). I began
his career at level 1 and worked on his development to around level 12 over a
real-time period of four or five months. At that point, he suffered a mortal
blow whilst also delivering a mortal blow to a Red Dragon. It was the most epic
character death I have ever experienced.

However, after the initial satisfaction of defeating the
dragon wore off, I found myself instantly mired in the grips of grief. I was
genuinely saddened by the fact that this character, one I had fostered and
brought to life, was now gone. Looking back it seems a bit silly now, but at
the time it felt almost as bad as a real-life death. I think I actually missed
a few sessions immediately following this event because I needed time to gather
myself. Was this taking the game too far? According to many of the people I've
talked to over the years, apparently not.

It seems that the people who take character death (CD)
the hardest fall into two categories: A) players who are new to the game and
perhaps experiencing CD for the first time; or B) players who have lost
characters that they have worked on for extended periods of time (say more than
six months). In both of these cases, the DM and the PC needs to be aware that there may be
a bit of grieving involved when a character leaves the game and goes into the
great beyond. So, what can you do if you’re a player and need help in the
healing process? Similarly, what can you do to help that player if you’re the
DM?

Firstly, I think the worst thing you or anyone else can
say is, “it’s just a game.” This is not only disrespectful to the feelings at
hand, it is also completely useless. It’s a cliché phrase that somehow gives us
license to ignore the problem and we all know how often ignored problems get
solved. Honestly, would you walk up to someone grieving at a funeral and say,
“Don’t worry, there are lots of other folks still living!” Instead, I believe it is much more helpful to
remember the “good times” and to share the highlights of your character’s
career with the other people in the group. Along the same lines, you might want
to ask your DM to have a character funeral and get the other PCs to say a few
words. This is not only a great way to remember and heal but it’s also a
fantastic roleplaying opportunity and rallying point for the other PCs in the campaign.

The second thing I would suggest for a grieving PC is to
take some time to digest the fact that your character is gone before you dive
into another avatar. I’ve seen lots of people ignore or brush off their CD and
just rush into the next character they've created. This is also an excuse
people use to ignore the problem just like a real-life grieving person throws
themselves into their profession to “work through the pain”. I’m sure that for
some people this helps but many are still hurting on the inside and for a few
it makes the feelings worse in the long run. There is no shame in taking a
brief break and asking your DM to excuse you for a few sessions. Go clear your
head and your heart. I’ll wager your next character will be much better off for
it.

As for the DM’s point of view, there are a few things you
can suggest to your PCs to help them cope. Again, I would bring up the idea of
a funeral or at least a memorial for the character. Another option would be
letting the PC(s) play the character or characters one last time as ghosts or
spirits, especially if there is something important they need to relay/warn to their
party. Something else that can work, after letting the PC
take a brief break as suggest above, is allowing their new character to be
connected to their old character in some fashion. They could be a brother,
sister, cousin, child, spouse, former roommate, former teacher or student, etc.
This option seems to take some of the sting out of the CD and it also makes for
a smoother integration of that character into the party.

However, on the flip side of this coin, I strongly
recommend that you avoid the “clone” character. I’ve argued with many PCs over
the years that just replacing “Joe Halfling” with “Joe Halfling 2.0” is really
a form of cheating. If their character dies, it should have repercussions; it
should have weight; and it should be a lasting memory for the rest of the
party. All of that goes out the window if the player just replaces their
character with a clone. It also says that it really doesn’t matter what you do
as a DM because they’ll just come back and pick up where they left off before
dying. Well this isn’t Super Mario folks and if you let them get away with that
you’re asking for trouble.

Generally speaking, I guess the point I’m trying to make
is CD can be a big deal. It should never be taken lightly or ignored. If you
are the player and you feel a kind of grief from the loss of your character,
you need to take a break from playing (times will vary from person to person)
and allow yourself to reset. If you are the DM and realize that your player is
taking the loss hard, you need to offer some helpful and transitional options
that will allow them to both heal and get back into the swing of things.
Finally, should anyone, either player or DM, feel that a character death has no
real meaning, then for some reason you are missing out on one of the most
important aspects of D&D and roleplaying in general: passion.

3 comments:

Great article. I lost my Sorcerer recently and even though he was not around for a long time I loved playing him and was totally into the character. I am still sad. Making it worse is I got him killed because I was dumb, but was playing him the way he would have done things. RIP Doloriel.

But I have to disagree a little bit. Rarely is does this have to be permanent especially at higher levels. But that should change the character. Maybe they become brooding, sullen or even a little unbalanced. Being brought back should somehow change them.

Maybe that is another article? How do you RP your character being brought back from the dead?

Anyways I just mean it is truly rare when a character has to be dead... D&D has always had it as part of the game, it is a way of getting second chances.

Now I know not everyone likes to keep playing a character who has died, somehow its not the same and thats hard and it is at this point your right the player should probably take time reset. Come back with a character they want rather than jumping in with a new one.

But some players do not work that way and have a character idea right away or have been thinking about one they would like to play. I do not think it is cut and dry how people play the game and they can be passionate about it without needing to grieve for a fallen character.

I am just saying that not everyone must play the same way and react the same way for a fallen character and to say they must is not fair, not everyone is a die hard roleplayer some enjoy the strategy, the theme, the time with friends etc and roleplaying is part of that but not as immersive for them. Just because of that does not mean the game is not fun for them or that they detract from those who are more into the character driven side of the game.

The game is more than just role playing and more than just hack n slash it falls somewhere in between I think for most people. That is my experience anyways in the last 20+ years of DMing.

Great article but it seems a little too skewed towards one type of gamer.