Adventure and misadventures in Central America

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Author: michael sherer

I travel a lot...no, make that a LOT: I've been very focused on Central America for the last ten years and finally found what I consider to be paradise, La Antigua in Guatemala. Yes, I've moved and yes, I miss my friends and family but distance sometimes makes the heart grow fonder. I'm semi-retired, and work when I feel like it, stay up/go out or as in tomorrow, take off for a few days of R&R in Costa Rica with one of my favorite ticas, a little roulette at the Del Rey and cha cha cha.

judging from the copious amounts of broken beer bottles in the streets this morning, it had to be an epic Halloween, even by Antigua standards…I was out early/in early, with a great pizza from La Viniera on 5th avenida sur…and they were inundated with trick or treaters…what a great selection of wine they have! staggering…

yeah, I’ve been gone for a week or so…emergency stuff at the VA hospital in Houston….gave me blood and stuff…I’ve been running down, the old two cups of espresso with two cigarettes for breakfast doesn’t suit me…fine…I’m better, ok? a tip of the panama to Nazi John, for suggesting a while back that I write up the 3 lousy field trips with the Captain and JR where we didn’t find anything as described…the article, in the December issue of RocknGem, will be published in December..who knew? the ongoing saga of the ‘novel’ will progress, now that I’m recovered from the latest..

and yes, the govt’ (sic)says that the the Antigua post office is open…I’ll try mailing christmas cards this week and see if they arrive in a month or so…this country!

Grace and Bobby Darling are back together…playing at the Londoner…gotta go see/hear them…the best music in town, to my taste, anyway. heard that there’s a new pizza place opening, on 7th ave, part of the La Taverna outfit…good..we need more pizza outlets, like we need more travel agencies and spanish schools…if they can beat Little Caesars for price, they might make it..otherwise..and thanks again, to all who sent me kind wishes vis a vis my recent medical problems…I’ve learned…and yes, I’ll start eating breakfast, lunch and dinner…onweird! to the election and thanksgiving…christ, what choices…

I probably should have just watched Comedy Central or wished for re-runs of the Gong Show…is this the best we can do (apparently)…at least Arty Barnes of the Londoner has his thinking cap on, capitalizing on the ‘draw’ and advertising it…yeah, come on down, have a few drinks, etc…

major tips of the panama to Alex Ferrar(Sobremesa)for helping the crippled guy(the twisted body on crutches guy)across the street..and to Lori Shea, of Guatemala Medical Travel…she picked me up, made appointments with the best of the best, walked me thru every thing…whew! it doesn’t get any better, so if you ever/ever have any medical questions, get it on..5443-8780..

and yes, I missed Mike D’s ‘welcome back’ party at Ponzi Bob’s on Friday…Bob said something about cold dogs and hot beer or did I get that wrong?(as usual)as the late Walter Brennan once said, I (still)have a hitch in my gitalong.’ but I’m workin’ on it…’might have to do a ‘Jackson’ and the VA route..

ah, the words from our new Mayor, months ago…yeah, I’ll fix the water problem in Los Hatos(outside town, on the way to Earth Lodge)well guess what?they still don’t have water…o well…give ’em EcoFiltros…no, that requires water…how about a truck full of Gallo? or better yet, fill up that useless new fire truck(50000 gallons?)…wait…it can’t make it up the hill…damn, always something, eh?

and, sad to say, the Pancheri’s leave us tonight (NorCal) and Yves G, this weekend..can we draw straws to see who stays and who goes? I’ll submit my very own list…not like the ‘A’ List’…this is my personal ‘O’ List…obnoxious, etc

it seems like its trying to rain or is that just a spate of rain? ah, who cares, unless you’re downstream or in a low-lying location..fortunately, for me, living in Antigua and at 5000 feet in altitude…so?

ever wonder about that oriental concept of location, known as ‘feng shui?’…if there ever were a cursed location in town, I offer to you the Wendy’s outlet…great physical location, across the street from the central park, a known brand…and yet a dark hole, without business..is it the entrance? long dark corridor…dunno but it sucks. I’ve been told that the Wendy’s franchise in Guatemala is under the greasy fingers of one Gustavo Alejos, he of the helicopter and the kickbacks from the medical/health system (and yes, he’s in jail, with the other half of the country)…’would you like fries with that?’

…whew..is the Londoner kicking butt with the music scene in town or what? almost every other night, a new or old act…menu changes and so on..Arty! don’t burn out here..get that damned Michael Rayment to step up..

and so? what’s up/not up with the new Mayor, Susana? s’posed to be major changes, like cleaning up the late night scene, bars, making noises, cha cha..the only changes I see are more puddles of puke on the sidewalks, broken beer bottles and homeless peoplesleeping in doorways…if if hadnt been for Phil Wilson of Ecofiltro, the park wouldn’t have been redone…o, that’s right..there’s the new useless fire engine from Florida, too big and only good for trimming tree limbs in Joco…whoopee!

and I hate to say this but the long time American Legion library is still in boxes, 7 months later with no sign of a new location…is it over? and yes, I’m still limping but going into the F%#@! City for an MRI soon..my parts are wearing out, as you know..o well..I didn’t expect to live this long otherwise I wouldn’t have spent all the money(but I spent it wisely…good liquor/bad women) so..its the end of the weekend, mas or menos…go out and crank up the party, where ever it is.. one last thought or two…those poor African refugees..they get this far, on their way to the US…but they need better costumes/make-up, no? they kinda stand out, you know?

as some of you might know, this refers to ‘Garbage In, Garbage Out’ which may well describe this site and/or my life…and yes, Independence Day, Guatemala style has almost passed…was there extra fervor this year?seemed like it, from my perspective. And judging from the extra passel of exquisite City women, aka Capitalinas, it was a success.

September, as some of the bar/restaurant owners know, is usually a quiet month for biz…some of the exceptions, so far, appear to be the Londoner, El Barrio and Sobremesa. We’ll see how the Exit Inn, newly injected with fervor (and $$) and the loss of Spiros, goes..Alabama Bob keeps on keepin’ on, with a new idea/twist every so often…gotta love his spirits(rum, etc)

and another another (or 2) only in antigua moments…the Amish kids, those with the long dresses/hair in a snood/bag? selling trinkets in/around the park…I know they’re not Mennenites…thosewere the inventors of Mennen, the deodorant stuff…got rich, moved to Miami…ok, minor drum roll…Bodegona, the local supermarket? selling big bags of potato chips, with a Guatemalan flag included…wtf? had they done this a week ago, it might’ve flown…and then, at the other end of the store, six packs of toilet paper, with a plastic cup attached..is there a theme here?

comings/goings…Jackson, of the new hip/new motorcycle..off to Cincy, says he’ll be back around Christmas…Der Hogan, in town unusualy early, leaves on Thanksgiving, with some strange plans for the winter..the Pancheri’s…leaving us for good, in October (medical stuff), headed for Nor Cal, which is where Piano Mike and Bobby D are hanging out now..it’ll be interesting to see how those East Coast guys react to th Left Coast…

and thanks to Stafford, who has been suggesting for a long time that I write a book…yeah, got the software and I’ve started…as I said to the ever delicious Maite Morjan this morning, all you need is a good title, a strong opening sentence and sex by page three..I asked, she declined..o, well..god, what a goddess!

today’s version of La Prensa Libre,in a article about bars/discos making too much noise? showed an exterior shot of El Barrio…hey, any publicity is good publicity. I remember the new Mayor saying that she was going to ‘shut down/clean up’ this problem…hah! try the blocks around 5th avenida and 6th calle, and then we’ll talk.

Mamma’s #2 getting close to opening, what ten months later, if the daily appearance of the delightful Mayra is any clue…whatever, just a vision of her in the morning in the black outfit works for me….per Arty Barnes of the Londoner, they’re bucking the usual September trend of decreased business…given the food, atmosphere, music and attention to detail, I’m not surprised.

No, haven’t heard of any new ‘Singles Club’ events…personally I would’ve called it a ‘dining club’ to avoid any misunderstandings..oh well.

I wonder if the new ‘Zika’ thing has impacted any of the coastal resorts…the last time I was at the very sweet Hotel Del Fin, at night they set out the purple rings of death aka mosquito repellants…ever read the instructions on the package> scary…our famed local muralist, Steve Wintershaw, working on two projects at once…one, the Reilly’s #3, the other a hotel west of town..and if you see me limping around town, it’ a ‘pain in the ass’ other known as sciatic nerve stuff..yeah, i can be a pain in the ass, ask anyone…and thank you, Rainbow Reading…the Kindle and I don’t mix well…the medium and I’m back to old fashioned paperbacks…and yes, the September edition of Our Man is live on Amazon/Kindle and yes, I’ll put up another article on the other site, http://www.ourmaninantigua.com, with some tasty photos..

so, I’m getting it, slowly, that I live in a 4th world country. I used to think that India wore the crown but even they have a working postal system(thanks to the Brits)but here? the government (sic)took over the El Correo postal system as of August 1…and now,they’re closed, with over 8 million pieces of mail yet to go anywhere…so what, of the international law/regulations that state a government/country must have a working postal system? hah!..no, a double hah!…

and so..? ‘mental pause’ hit me , yet again, on Sunday…I was primed to catch the ‘last Bobby Darling’ show at the Londoner and then got hungry…’thought about the great looking cheeseburgers at the Exit Inn…hey, why not? the Spiro’s inspired works of art? (he’s gone, cashed out and is in the States)so, the cheeseburger? killer? the waitress, Joelle? more than killer…but the beer-battered onion rings? out of this world! segue-way! no, there is no new women’s shelter opening up, labeled The Tempura House, for ‘lightly battered women’…sick? yes…segue-way…what was Freddy’s scooters, aka Simoon….lame…now sharing space in the old DiVinci space on 5th calle…a motorcycle showroom? and in the most expensive block in town? segue-way! remember the short-lived business of renting SegWays here? its bad enough walking the cobble stones but riding on a SegWay here?..thanks, I’ll pass.and yes, I missed Bobby D’s last show, before he returns to the States…and a few others also going soon..Jackson, the Pancheri’s in October (medical stuff)Ponzi Bob is here to stay…great! and the usual in/out flows of ‘winter/temppeople…so? I’m creating my own list of …no, not the ‘A List’ but the ‘O list’….the obnoxious…those whom I won’t see/drink with with…it’s short, for now but there are openings…

and Lili, the newspaper woman who worked the corner of 4th calle/5th Ave? she’s in Washington! doing what, who knows? and how long has Ay Robot been closed? and I thinks its amusing that the ex-cop and sex offender share space on the bench…one of the reasons that I abstain…too weird, even for Antigua

ok, even for Bodegona I thinks it’s weird marketing…buy a little jar of Skippy peanut butter and receive a little bottle of Clamato…wtf? am i missing some kind of local treat? and while I’m ranting about Bodo, have you noticed by the check-out stand those racks for condoms? also…there are vibrating things(rings)…do they come with instructions, like ‘insert Part A into Part B?’…maybe one could ask one of the girls(cashiers)for a demo?

and coming soon…as in next Sunday @ 5pm? the great Bobby Darling Show, plus its Martins birthday (drinks are on the house, aka the roof…lotsa luck getting up there) but/and, as a very special guest, Brendan Byrne…he sings! who knew? I definitely have to be there for this one, which should be epic, even by Antigua standards….standards? yeah…local legends…ok, fine…where? o, that’s right…at the Londoner, on 6th ave, between 4th and 5th calles

speaking of local legends, Maite Morjan aka Tiger Lily, has added a vegetarian menu to El Portal and El Sol, with plans to add an gelato bar in El Sol…as a long time member of PETA(People Eating Tasty Animals), I prefer her bacon…no, El sol’s bacon..jeez, what were you thinking?

ah…surprise…El Correo, the govt postal service? supposedly taken over Aug 1 by the govt? (the Canadians bailed)…doors open and Norma, behind the counter, just like it was, at least for the eight years that I’ve been going there…Caniz? they’re screwing up again, with both incoming/outgoing mail..and it’s adios to the folks from El Salvador…they came, they saw, they spent serious Money…30% increase over last year, ‘they’ say…and if you’re in the newly upgraded central park, notice the new signs describing what’s growing in the flower beds and a lot are starting to bloom…major tip of the panama to Phillip Wilson, unsung hero of this project…so? time for breakfast here…OJ and Quetzalteca…um, good!