FALL-INTO-LOO, England --UK Home Secretary John Reid pledged more support for local communities in the fight against guncrime on Thursday, acknowledging that he would "endeavour to supply guns to all who required them, no matter what age or creed."

The proposals put forward by Reid included setting up a training scheme where young gun users can learn how to maintain their guns, clean them and keep them safe. Unnews defence correspondent and former Special Constable Andreas MacNob highlighted the importance of good firearm maintenance: "Keeping the working parts of your sidearm well oiled and clean is vital to stopping a jam when in the middle of a gun fight. It might be boring but this kind of good practice could save your life!"

John Reid also highlighted that "we must ackowledge that the state cannot just give guns away willy nilly to any Tom Dick or Jerry," Reid said, adding "Parents and community leaders need to ensure that their children can at the very least strip and reassemble an M16 assault rifle (blindfolded) by the age of seven."

Mcnob agrees wholeheartedly,"we must encourage responsible gun use in our children. For example the methodology of the 'double tap' method of dispatching a target, aiming in the torso area is far more effective than going for that sexy head shot every time. Leave that kind of nonsense to the movies!"

Other suggestions suggested by the Home Secretary include the introduction of compulsory Russian Roulette lessons into the National Curriculum and tax breaks to families who own more than three assault rifles. Reid went on to stress that "I think we do need to draw the line at RPGs and mobile SAM sites though. I'm not a total loon you know!".