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Thursday, April 5, 2012

Dear RSD,

I am not sure if you know who I am, or who my family is, and I was wondering if you knew how our lives have changed since you decided to take over.
I don't appreciate the sleepless nights, or the arguments it causes, or the missed free time I have for errands, grocery shopping, or time with my children. I also don't appreciate the many different layers and types of pain and no matter the weather, the severity of the pain, and my children don't care for it either, especially since we can't go for walks, since I can't walk on uneven surfaces, up or down hills or steps, or even for a half block. And that's if I can lift my feet up at all. Thanks by the way, for the enormous amount of pain and crushing feeling on the tops of my feet and ankles, and the forceful pain that makes it impossible to lift my feet to take a step!
My children and I also don't particularly care very much for the fact that I can't coach a soccer team anymore, or help out with different activities for school. And although we do enjoy shopping online, it would be nice to shop at a mall, and be able to get through the mall, and even a grocery store, the whole way through without having to pay for the walk later.
We also aren't real thrilled about the missed work, and income, and the medical bills. My husband and I especially thank you for all of this! I am disappointed with lots of different parts of my life since you forced yourself here, and turned our house upside down. Everything from my job, our income, our children, medical expenses, medications, some that have made me ill, most that make me tired, groggy,unable to do things with my family as often as a mom should be able too.
You have made it impossible for me to walk through an amusement park, which by the way, was one of my favorite things to do, and I had fun with Bethany, our oldest daughter, going on all the roller coasters. I also looked forward to Aaron, Genevive, and Deegan, to grow up, and go with me to places like Hersheypark, and we always plan on taking small field trips to museums and fun places the kids would have so much fun at, but can't until Deegan is a little bigger and can walk around places like that all on his own, without wanting to be held, since I can no longer carry a child and walk more then a few steps at a time.
I miss wearing regular clothes all the time, and I do miss shoes a great deal! I miss being able to shave my legs, and not "prepare" to shave for 3 hours beforehand, with very hot water and 9 times out of 10, I can't shave anyway. I miss not having to be embarrassed when I at least can wear capris, and have to have slippers on and not be able to cover up my giant swelled up legs, especially my ankles. Why doesn't the swelling ever go down???
I miss not having to take tons of pills, I am happy that I don't take all of them, even with half, I have no idea most days, how I will get through the day without them and I hate the headaches that come from some.
I miss being able to drive for long periods of time, and drive without pain, I miss being able to sit without having to shake my legs around and have to take a few minutes each time I get in and out of the truck and having to prepare myself for the brutal pain that's coming after I get in or out! I miss working without pain, well, at least half the pain would have been ok, but you had to come and take over my entire body.
I miss my shopping and coupon trips with my mom, pain free days, walking with my children, Deegan has very rarely been in his stroller, I miss being able to go out for a few drinks with my husband and I miss having family and friends over for drinks and food and boxing matches. I miss the way I was once able to live and I would appreciate it if you would please give it all back.
I am sick and tired of the embarrassment, the swelling, the red welts that burn like fire that appear and disappear on my legs, my giant ankles, the electric shock pain, the feeling that my legs are on fire, the tingly pain that never ever goes away, the crushing pain on the tops of my feet, the crunching pain in my ankles, the numbness in parts of my feet, my ankles and my legs, the part when it feels like cinder blocks are on top of my feet,making it hard to walk or even limp and I have to then drag my feet behind me in order to move, the goofy colors and changes in my skin and nails, the bruises and discolorations on my legs and ankles and feet and how the burn blisters that I get from time to time when I didn't burn myself, and how they take months to heal. I hate feeling like I am burning from the inside out, and the prickly, stinging feeling that travels up and down my legs, all day and night. I can't stand the part where if I get sunburn on my legs, the pain from it is magnified a million times, and Noxema doesn't work anymore. The same thing with mosquito bites, every time we go camping, I am stuck with giant, ridiculous mosquito bites that burn and hurt a thousand times more then normal, and they never go away and nothing not even Bactine helps! I am sick of how the bug bites and sunburn come back to haunt me, it seems, throughout the year, as if you are just reminding me of the pain again and again. I hate the ice cold and bluish purple bruises on my right leg and how it gets ice cold, Sometimes when it hurts to wear anything, socks, slippers, pants, I just want to scream!! I have been trying to find relief and it doesn't seem possible.
And when will you seriously stop spreading? I really hope I don't find out at the eye doctor today, that you indeed did spread to my eyes. What happens then? Where will you show up next?
I do have to thank you at the same time, although I am disgusted and in horrible pain this morning, I must say that thanks to you, there have been some positive things happen due to this mess you have put me in.
I have had quality time with my children and husband, with all of the missed work, we have had to find more frugal ways to live, and that is a very valuable lesson to learn, and we have relearned a few things. I do believe everybody needs to re learn some of these types of lessons several times throughout their lives, just so they aren't forgotten. I have also found a neat outlet online with blogs and social media, and I have learned a lot of new things about all of this. I also met a lot of wonderful people online, and I do still have my legs, whether they work or not, they are still there.
But please all I seriously want is some relief, and if I can't have that, can you just please not spread anywhere else? I don't believe our family can take anymore, and I really hope you will just leave my eyes alone.
I would appreciate it! Thank you for your consideration.
I wish I could say it has been my pleasure, but it hasn't.