I've written 4 pieces of fanfiction in my life. The latest one, "Destination Unknown", was pure torture. I feel the need to vent about exactly what made this story so incredibly difficult for me, and the process I went through to get it done.

If any fellow LJ authors feel like reading such a thing, please let me know: Is this normal? Is it *whimpers* common?

When I began writing my Richie Ryan Journal story, I became upset about his death at MacLeod's hands. My subconcious went to work that night and handed me two images. One, from Archangel's Quickening scene, was a Richie's face red-lit and tormented. The other was of him standing serenly on a beach, next to a strange Immortal man. Each image was laden with a complex bouquet of emotions; negative for the first, positive for the second. Both images were very unreal, not in the sense of being unbelievable, but because they felt outside of reality.

I decided to write a story that would capture that feeling, and provide me with some closure about Richie's death. That shouldn't be too hard, right? *pause for hysterical laughter*

There are 3 reasons why I write.a) It's fun.b) I hope that other people might enjoy reading the stories I write.c) The characters and plots move into my head and slowly take up more and more processing space until I need to move them out into the world from sheer self-defense."Unknown Destinations" had very little of a and b, but mucho c.

I started writing. I tried a variety of different perspectives: 1st, 2nd, and 3rd. I tried both limited and omniscient. Past and present tense. I wrote flashbacks of Richie's life. Nothing captured the feeling I was looking for.

I came up with an extensive backstory of Matthew Cooper. It started with his First Life as a Narragansett whaler. He was in love with the sea. He spent many lives as a fishermen or merchant seaman, served patriotic tours in the Navy, and met his death while on holiday from an oil rigging job. Then I realized that none of this had anything to do with the story I was trying to tell, and tossed it.

I attempted different styles: minimalist and surrealistic, realistic and kabuki. For anyone wondering, kabuki is a form of traditional Japanese drama. The characters strike stylized poses and declame to the audience. No, you can't read that version. I recognized it as a cry for help, and deleted it.

At this point, the thing was taking over my life. I couldn't stop picking at it. On the bus, at work, in bed when I should be asleep, while trying to watch TV. The thing just would not let go of me.

Finally, sick to death of the thing, I wrote an utterly conventional version and kicked it out of bed to my betas.

12 hours later, I recanted. Perhaps if I could make it into a series of freeze frame images, that would work? I asked my betas if they had any idea how they could do that.

In another 12 hours, before they even had a chance to respond, I had completely rewritten the story into a "freeze-frame" version similar to the now-published one, and sent it off to them again.

Yes, pity my poor betas. But they helped me improve it until it was fit for human consumption.

So, where am I at now? Still not completely satisfied. The thing doesn't match my vision, and I doubt it ever will. But at least I have succeeded in getting a publishable version of it together, and (mostly) gotten it out of my head.

ahh, welcome to the club. Sometimes it's not a gift, it's a curse... :)

One of my painting professors used to say that the only reason to keep doing art today is if you simply were unable to do anything else. At first I thought he meant that and artist is incapable of another trade. Over time I've realized he meant that an artist couldn't *not* make art.

Well, I haven't done any (visual) art in awhile, but I've never stopped writing. I don't seem to be able to, even if what I write is complete drivel (and believe me, for every piece I've posted, there are ten unfinished, malformed black sheep stories). I think your option "C" sums it up pretty well. positive feedback is great and affirming, but I'd be doing this even if no one ever said a peep about my writing. I'd been doing it for five years before I got up the bravery to post anything in public.

I'd been doing it for five years before I got up the bravery to post anything in public.Eeep! Luckily I managed to score myself a truly incredible and supportive beta right off the starting mark. It took me 4 months to write "The Price of Interference", and then 5 months to stop fussing with it and actually publish.

Welcome to the fun and angst-free hobby of writing fanfiction for the intarwebs. Isn't it grate great?

But seriously, you are doing so much better than I was when I'd only written a few stories. You should see them *yikes*. Not good at all.

In case I didn't tell you, and there's every chance this week that I didn't, I really enjoyed 'Destination Unknown'. It's a difficult choice of subject, but you did well with it. Structure is hard, but I think you made a good choice with the one you finally went with. I still want to see the kabuki style one. I think I can imagine how it went.

I don't think it's a good or necessary thing to be completely 100% satisfied with any story. I think that leads to complacency and lazy writing. But don't be too hard on yourself either. As far as I can see, you're doing great.