Genitals

I bet that few other websites have articles with this title. A reader named Eric P. had an errant young woman do him a nasty once, and he hit he back where he ego (alone?) showed.

“I got her worried about vaginal odor. She was vain as hell, insecure about her body, and very sensitive about `personal things’ including body odors. I started by having a delivery service bring her a present of a gift-wrapped package of liquid douche, scented, of course. A few days later I put together an `Emergency – Protect the Environment’ package containing more products of a personal nature. I had that delivered. I sent a few cards from boys she knew and other friends hinting at this personal problem in broad terms, but never really mentioning vaginal odor, *per se*.

“I then had some memo pads and letterhead printed, using the name The Funky Vaginal Odor Control Board with a fake return address. I started sending these to her and getting friends from other cities to remail them for me. I posted her appartment door with an offical-looking statement from the board, using my letterhead.

“Next, I sent a couple of her boyfriends clothespins with instructions to clip on their noses when dating this girl because of her runaway case of vaginal odor.

“I did a few more things, but I guess you get the idea. In case the reader feels sympathy for the girl, don’t. She deserved every single bit of trouble, believe me. I’ll never collect what she owes me. But I’m trying to get back a little.”

Another splendid addition to the genitals of a mark is spearmint oil. According to several Haydukers, most notably Dr. Schwatzen an Luft, if this elixir is placed on such sensitive areas as the genitals, the mark will really have the hots. The doctor suggests lubricating condoms with this oil or adding it to douching solutions, vibrators, or tampons. It will dry on the surface, then, when activated…call the fire department.