Of course I did. Because why say Updates when you can say something weirder?

So here are the weekend things:

You know when you are somewhere bored out of your mind and trying not to tap your foot too obviously or stare into space too distantly so you don’t clue the people you’re with into the fact that you wish they’d just shut up already?

There was that.

Then on Sunday I smelled something emanating from my handbag. Like dead flesh. As if perhaps a small rat had wandered into my hobo bag or my Mac lipstick from 1997 finally gave up the ghost. So I avoided sticking my hand in my purse for 24 hours, hoping whatever was in there would decay and dry up and stop smelling butcher shop-y. However, the smell only grew more odiferous and un-fragrant, so I took a good look inside my purse to find two wadded up pairs of sports socks. Sweaty swaths of fabric that I withdrew from my purse with great reserve. It didn’t help that they were mine and that I seem to have a habit of taking off my socks after exercise class and putting them wherever the sun don’t shine, only to haplessly discover them way after decomposition has taken hold.

Also! The best part! I was in public when I extracted my crusty footwear! That’s even better than the time I accidentally put a tampon in the church collection basket!

In other weekend news, I attended another XTend Barre class, where my muscles continue to experience tissue death as they are whittled (quite in spite of themselves) into something not gelatinous. The thing here is that I’m uncoordinated and so during class I continually look like a horse on ice skates. Thank God the moves are easy to follow. Another factoid: I’m now in the market for camelflauge.

In semi-related tiddates, I will again be posting a bathing suit pic this week. Check my progress! It’s not very progressive. I think I need to get my thyroid checked.

Finally, soccer legend Mia Hamm was in town at the San Diego County Fair last week. I have to tell you that I’m almost glad I couldn’t make it due to crazy head syndrome because I would have said: “I loved how you bared your bra after you won that soccer championship! Up with women!” and she would have said: “Thanks, but that was Brandi Chastain.”

Like her socks don’t stink.

And now my tiddates are outtie.

May your day be filled with fragrant purse air and non-boring people!

P.S. Other things I forgot about until I received emails reminding me that they were kind of cool:

I’m going to the San Diego Fair this Friday to see Big Time Rush. It’s for the children, Lord have mercy on my soul.

Shrek the Musical will be in town next week and I get to take the kids. It’s one of the first musicals I’ve taken the kids to, with the exception of Beauty and the Beast, and so I’m pretty sure Booger will make it through the last hour speaking ADD gibberish and running up the aisles, not that I speak from experience.

Along those lines, if you live in San Diego, like people touching your face, and are girly, here’s a cool deal to a spa in Encinitas, which will give you a one-hour facial, mini massage and brow/lash tint for $40. This deal is through Juice in the City, for whom I’m an affiliate. Like the worse affiliate ever. This deal? I’m sharing out of the goodness of my heart because when I get paid for things I forget to do them. Except for sock extraction.

I met Mia, Brandy and the whole Olympic team a few years ago, it was a memorable experience.
BTW, if your weight loss efforts are extreme for you your body is most likely in survival mode, holding on to fat/calories that you are trying so hard to burn. (My body is doing the same damn thing.)
I’m going to leave your socks alone…

Very funny… All of it. In early January I had to pick my sister up from the car dealership and she asked if I had been smoking pot (not even kidding, and I don’t smoke pot). She swore my entire truck smelled like marijuana. So then a couple days later when I got in it again I noticed the strong marijuana smell too! It was the oddest thing. I finally (like 2 weeks later) had to clean out my entire truck because I was sure I would go to jail if I so much as pulled up next to a cop and I had to find out what was in my truck. While cleaning it out, I found one of my reusuable tea mugs and when I opened it the smell got worse. I had left a mint tea bag in it since mid December! Apparently after about a month it molds and smells like marijuana… Maybe better smelling than a dead animal in the purse though?

Oh momma – I’ve been doing a similar exercise class on DVDs (Physique 57) for six months now and that sh*t works! Although I must admit it started working better once I stopped eating chips every day. Why am I telling you this? To scrub the vision of nasty socks from my brain ;-)

Ha! I usually just lurk and enjoy reading your posts but had to comment on this “TidDate” You think an old pair of socks is rank, once I found a tuna salad sandwich in my purse that had been in there for at least a week. Talk about odoriferous!