Morbid Angel is an operatic pop band from Tampa, Florida. They live in a small house in a quiet suburban neighborhood along the sunny white beaches and pick oranges from the trees growing in their front yard. The band members are big fans of H. P. Lovecraft, and while they're not touring or recording an album, they get together to play Dungeons & Dragons.

The band was formed in 1983 by Trey "Amorphous Blob" Azagthoth while performing a ritual he found in the book, My First Necronomicon. He intended to summon Azathoth, but forgot to pronounce a syllable while reciting the phrase "R'lyeh onj'ua wqasrra tak Cthulu py'gnai", and Cthulhu appeared as a consequence. Cthulhu was about to turn Trey into an amorphous blob for his mispronunciation of a simple word[1], but at that moment, Trey offered to sell his soul in exchange for the guitar skills of Eddie Van Halen. Cthulhu responded that he would do it only if Trey found two other participants. Trey ran out of his mother's house and grabbed the first two people he saw off the street, the two people in question being Pete Sandoval and David Lee Roth Vincent. Cthulhu gave all three members amazing musical abilities, but only if there was a catch involved in each one: Trey received the amazing guitar skills of Eddie Van Halen, but his hands were now so quick that if he attempted to masturbate, the friction would burn his penis off his crotch. The resulting sexual frustation is believed by many to be responsible for Trey's furious and unrelenting guitar wanking. Pete Sandoval received god-like drumming skills and lightning foot speed, but only one bass pedal, and if he played it too fast, it would spontaneously combust. David Vincent received a great singing voice, but the magic ruptured his vocal cords, so now he had a great growling voice. With that, the band was formed.

They then went about to record their first album. They wanted it to be a concept album about philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche. Over and over again, the quote "God is dead" was repeated throughout the album. When it came to naming the album, they developed a revolutionary method: they had a black bag with a white question mark on it. In the bag was all 26 letters of the alphabet. Trey would reach into the bag and pull out a letter. The letter he would pull out would be the first letter of the album title. Trey pulled out the letter "A". He wanted the title to allude to the works and life of Friedrich Nietzsche, so he named the album "Altars of Syphilis-Induced Madness". The album was very popular in Europe and rocketed to the top of the independent charts.

After a successful tour, they began work on a new album dedicated to their favorite disease, tuberculosis. However, Cthulhu told the band that some of the songs also needed to be about him and the other elder gods if they wanted to keep their amazing musical abilities. With that, they included the track The Ancient Ones with the mix. To improve the structure of the music, they took some of the music sheets from the vault of Mozart. The album was also the first Morbid Angel release to feature the fiddle, which was played on the song Blessed Are the Sick/Leading the Rats. Like the last album, they named the album by pulling a letter from a bag. The letter they pulled out was "B". Therefore, the album was named "Blessed Are The People With Tuberculosis".[2]

After another successful tour, Cthulhu showed his satisfaction by rewarding the band with the Ark of the Covenant. They loved the artifact so much that they decided to record their next album based solely around the ark. They wanted to name the album "Ark of the Covenant", but tradition required that they pull a letter out of a hat, and the letter was "C". As they could not name the album "Ark of the Covenant", they improvised and named it instead "Covenant, Ark of the"[4]. To promote their new album, they sent out fliers stating that if people did not buy the album, the band would unleash the evil spirits held within the ark. The promotional stunt worked, and 125,000 copies of the album were shoplifted sold on its first day of release, making the most successful death metal album of all time.

The artwork of the Domination album. The band wanted a house like the one on the cover, but they couldn't afford it.

Continuing on with their massive success, they recorded another album, this time over the great conquerors of history. They reanimated the corpse of Julius Caesar to perform guest vocals on the song Caesar's Palace, and hired Cardinal Ximinez of Spain to play rhythm guitar on the song Spanish Inquisition (Nobody Expects Them).[5] They named the album "Domination", the reason being simply "it will dominate". As a promotional stunt, they threatened people that if no one bought the album, Julius Caesar would send his undead Roman army to eat their brains. Although not as successful as "Covenant, Ark of the", "Domination" sold maybe 80,000 or possibly 95,000 copies.[6]

Entangled In What I Assume is Chaos & Formulas Fatal to the French[edit]

A good thing about Steve Sucker was that he could summon fire that could burn any critic that lampooned the band.[7]

During their Domination tour, they recorded the live album "Entangled In What I Assume is Chaos"[8], with the reanimated corpse of Julius Caesar performing backup vocals on all the songs. After the tour, David Lee Roth Vincent left the band, saying that he had some unfinished business to take care of with his rival David Vincent Lee Roth plus he wanted to have some slut who has no idea who the fuck he is interview him about his new bass guitar at guitar center. To replace him, they got Steve "Fucked Shirt" Sucker. He was quite the knit-picky fellow and always freaked out when his bass wasn't standing perfectly straight on his guitar stand. They began production on the new album, which was delayed a bit due to Steve Sucker constantly making checks to see if the doors leading into the recording room were completely closed. After the recording was complete, they named the album "Formulas Fatal to the French", a severely francophobic album, with such songs as "Bill U Fag", " You mull a Marie ?", "Nothing is snot" and "Covenant Of Breath". Another song included "Dreaming of Killing Scene Kids" was a total rip off some song from some rpg on the snes. The album was very badly received in a few countries (France and francophone countries, namely France). The French government decided to ban the album and ban the band from ever touring in France. When Morbid Angel made a lawsuit against France the French officials drew up the white flag, once again and never for the last time.

After the disappointing sales of Formulas Fatal to the French, Cthulhu became quite angry and banished the band to live inside a box with the dimensions of 4m*3m*5m that he dubbed the "Gateways to Annihilation", and he told them that they were to stay in there until they recorded an album that was guaranteed to be a hit. Unable to think of anything new, the band took the name of the box to which they were banished and ran with it. The product of this wild recording session was "Gateways to Annihilation", and album which would go on to receive a massive amount of praise and recognition from their metal peers.[citation needed]

When 2003 came along, the band was running out of ideas at about the same time that the writer of this article was running out of ideas to satirize the band. With this, the band gathered up old ideas from their previous albums and released the conglomeration of thought in the form of the album "Heretic". The sales of this album were exceptionally poor and Morbid Angel was consequently kicked off their label. Bassist/vocalist Steve Sucker left the band out of sheer boredom. After this, things started to look up for them, as David Lee Roth Vincent returned to the lineup. Sources now speculate that the band is currently in the process of recording another album. If previous naming patterns are still present, the album soon to be released will start with the letter "I", and possible titles for the new album include "I burning your dog" and "I maed a yuky doody".