4. Clarify as much as possible before you agree to anything. Greater clarity before you start anything will usually result in fewer complications and confusions as things progress. This is not foolproof by any means but it is usually helpful.

5. Get out of the middle. Don’t play carrier pigeon for anyone for any reason, not even for your children.

6. Avoid hinting at what you want or do not want – be as “upfront” as possible. If you expect others to read your mind you’ll be victim to their peculiarities and their unresolved complexities.

7. Don’t take sides among friends, even if it is clear one is wrong and one is right. Siding among friends is not helpful in the long term.

8. Don’t gossip. If you cannot say something directly to someone don’t say it about him or her to others.

9. Tell the truth. It’s usually better than anything you can fabricate.

10. Lead when it necessary; follow when it is necessary. If you’re not doing both something’s wrong somewhere.

11. Don’t talk negatively about your boss – if you have to complain do it face-to-face with the boss.

12. Never write anonymously. If you can’t sign it, don’t write it. There are unusual exceptions but I won’t go into those right now.