Most illnesses happen when chicken owners treat their birds like family, bringing them into their homes, and research shows more than one in ten owners kiss their birds. "Don't kiss the bird! You can show your affections in other ways with a simple pet or something like that," warns Dr. Barton Behravesh, "But you don't need to kiss your bird because that will increase your risk of a salmonella infection." Experts say there's no need to limit your interactions with chickens, just be sure to wash your hands.

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How does this work? Do chickens actually stand still for this? How does one kiss a chicken without losing an eye?

The discovery of what may be the Santa Maria was bound to be controversial, but it is cool nonetheless. And I had no idea that this kind of thing had gone on.

As the fleet traversed the northern coast of what is now Haiti, the ship's master turned over the tiller to a 14-year-old ship's boy, and soon after Santa Maria ran into a reef and began to disintegrate.

I suspect that this is one of those stories that would contain the phrase, "Alcohol is thought to be involved" when it finally hit the tabloids. I also didn't know that Columbus never lost a crewman in eight voyages. Must've been the kraken's day off.

Meanwhile, in Michigan, a pastor made an unexpected house call, probably to share the message of Paul's First Epistle To The Humpians.

Jeremy Grinnell, 42, pleaded guilty Tuesday, May 13, in Kent County Circuit Court to one count of surveilling unclothed persons stemming from the incident on Nov. 7. Grinnell propped a ladder up against the home, climbed up to a second-floor window and admitted to watching the Cannon Township couple having sex.

That is an amazing crime to have on your record right there. "Surveilling Unclothed People"? I would have loved to have heard theDragnet epilogue for that one. And the Peeping Pastor -- Yes, I once worked for a tabloid. Why do you ask? -- seems to have a bit of a mouse under his left eye. Wonder how that happened.

When he returned for another viewing the next evening, he was caught by the male victim...

Oh.

I'll be back Monday with what I am sure will be some sweet New York Times-related gobshitery. Be well and play nice, ya bastids, or, as far as I'm concerned, y'all can go kiss a chicken.