The sequel to Interview with a Vampire (1994), in Queen of the Damned (2002), egotistical, vamped neck-licker Lestat has been laying in state for 200 years, and is woken by a strange, intoxicating sound. I guessed elephant farts, but was way off. It was the sound of heavy metal, which at times is almost the same.

Rising from his grave, Lestat, already looking like a Hot Topic™ Goth poseur, all pasty and white with mall-purchased plastic fangs, joins a band and becomes world famous, outwardly bragging about his vampire heritage. This, as you could’ve guessed, makes all the other vampires who have been trying to keep things on the down low, quite upset with tummy aches.

Besides music critics, Akasha, Queen of the Vampires (her name sounds like organic cereal), is also given a wake-up call, and resurrects herself to have Lestat be her king. She’s hot, so hey, why not? Meanwhile, a full frontal assault is planned on Lestat during his outdoor concert in Death Valley. Cute.

The audience thinks the bloodless vampire attack is all part of the show. And that’s the problem – its ALL show, with barely any substance of author Anne Rice’s lush word barf that made the Vampire Chronicles so popular with the socially disaffected Goth crowd.

A league of vampires called the Ancients and a paranormal homework group called the Talamasca are involved, with everyone trying to get Akasha and Lestat to break up. Speaking of, Lestat’s band sucks, so they should break up. And if you’re a socially disaffected Goth dork, you should break up.