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Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Teaching love

Nelson Mandela once
said no one is born hating another person; people learn to hate, and if they
can learn to hate they can be taught to love. This weekend I saw hate like I
had never seen before. Jackie and I were
on a long road trip to see my dad. We made a stop at a little diner in Kentucky
to refuel after 4 hours on the road. The diner was empty except for a little
white haired couple who were so offended by a couple of gay girls coming to eat
near them, they left the restaurant. They left their glasses filled and menus lying
on the table. I didn’t think a thing of it until I heard the waitress explain
to the other waitress that they left because of us. Wow.

What did we do to
deserve that little bit of hate? I was fully aware we were in a conservative
area of the country; in a very small minority in that area but what about that
fact made it okay for that couple to completely walk out simply because of our
presence? They didn’t know us. They didn’t know what kind of people we were.
Would it have been different if we were a male and female walking in there?
What about if we were a couple of gang members walking into the diner? What was
it about our presence that was so threatening and insulting that they felt like
they couldn’t be near us?

Now, I am new to the
LGBT community so I have not had the pleasure of experiencing all the hate that
has been thrown at the community all these years. I felt a little snippet of it
that morning. It crazy how isolated a little instance like that can make you
feel. I didn’t know these people and will probably never see them again but I couldn’t
help but feel hurt. The hatred was palpable and the stares were obvious. The
feeling was really indescribable. I would be lying if I said it didn’t stay on
my mind after. So, I thought no better place to work through it than on my
little outlet here.

I have talked about all
the amazing ways my life has changed and how ridiculously happy I am. But, I
think it's only fair to be transparent and say there are times that haven’t been
the best and brightest since coming out. The isolation I felt was probably the worst
part. To worry whether or not your family still loves you or will continue to
love you was absolutely the scariest part of it all. Just like the couple in the diner the other
morning, some people feel like it's easier to turn away, to not deal with discomfort
of someone different. I don’t think people notice how the little things are super
apparent. The lack of communication from some family, the avoidance, the urge
to tell me what I'm doing wrong or how they don't believe in it; has become par
for the course. Lucky for me, most of the time I am floating around in my
little bubble and I am completely oblivious to stares and comments or hatred. Whether
you feel the need to flee from my presence is up to you. Whether you believe in
it or not is up to you. But, I was raised very religious and I know the bible extremely
well and those conservative individuals who spew judgement and hate as their
venom so easily forget the main theme of Jesus's teaching; love. I thought it ironic
that I felt isolation and hate on Easter weekend.

But, despite how I have been treated and what
friends or family I have lost, I am a grown woman who will continue to focus on
being happy and loving everyone in my life.

You don't have to accept who I am.

You don’t have to love my lifestyle.

You don’t have to love my tattoos.

You don’t have to love the fact that I'm a gay
woman.

You don't have to love the fact that I'm a
hippy or feminist.

You don’t have to love me.

But don’t pretend you do. I have been through a lot of things in life
and I will keep moving forward. I don't owe one single person an explanation. I
will never again make mistakes I have made in the past, or spend my valuable
time making people happy who don’t deserve my time or affection. It's always easier
to judge those we don’t know or don’t understand. I will never know why that gray hair couple couldn’t
stand to be in the same restaurant with two women who love one another. I just can't
muster up enough hate to understand why. But, I do know, if you give me a
chance and get to know me you will know I am a loving person. If you get the
chance to see us together, you will see how deeply we love one another. How
could a love like that be wrong?