miércoles, 3 de febrero de 2016

Digimon Abridged Ep3: No Kiba could live here!

SEADRAMON: The next video is a
nonprofit and fanmade parody. Digimon is propiety of Akiyoshi Hongo, Toei
Animation and Bandai. Please, support the official release AND A MASK FOR ME!

TENTOMON: Okay, explain it to me
again.

KYUBEY: These are the constrictor
muscles.

TENTOMON: Am I talking with
constrictors?

KYUBEY: Exactly, you are
activating your constrictor muscles.

TENTOMON: Look how many cables,
Aitor!

NARRATOR: Previously, on Digimon
Abridged…

OK… so… pretty much they felt
into a river… they went to a beach somewhere with telephones and I think they
made a Rickroll joke or something… They fought the ugly barnacle, Agumon
evolved into Cubonemon and saved the day…

Episode 3…

SEADRAMON: No one Kiba live
here*! Who wrote this?

*”No one could live here” is a TV
show called “Aquí no hay quien viva” in Hispanic countries. KibaDubs is the new
voice-actor who plays Seadramon and Garurumon.

TAI: I wonder why Agumon evolved.

MATT: I hope he isn’t thinking on
boobs anymore.

TAI: Boobs, boobs, boobs, boobs
and butts…

TAI: Agumon!

AGUMON: What’s up, Tai?

TAI: Why did you return to Agumon
after evolving?

AGUMON: Don’t you get it, Tai?
They sue us, they sue us! We have to do things differently not to be judged!
Pay more attention, Tai!

IZZY: What is that?

TENTOMON: It’s Rhinomon! I know,
we couldn’t think any better name.

TAI: That’s a lot of teeth!

MATT: And it looks pissed off.

TAI: Are they already reusing
designs for new digimons?

PALMON: No, it means he won’t be
an important character.

MIMI: No, please, don’t start so
soon with filler episodes!

TAI: One two, one two!

TK: Agh, a ghost stone!

TAI: Avoid the horror chicles*!

*”Chicle” (bubblegum) instead of
“cliché”.

TK: Don’t worry, nobody is black
in the group to die first.

MIMI: Yeah, but there are hateful
bitches…

TAI: Don’t look at me, you are
the annoying one.

MIMI: I know, I’m going to die…

AGUMON: Mimi, Joe and you are the
worst characters. Why don’t you go with the Digimon Adventure 02 protagonists?

PALMON: Mimi, continue walking,
you are embarrassing me in front of everybody.

TENTOMON: You are slow, too slow,
Tentomon is bored of waiting. I’m going to that like, follow me if you want.

MIMI: Why don’t you bring the
lake to me?

GOMAMON: I want to pee again!

JOE: Wait until we drink before!

MATT: Definitely, let’s camp
here.

TAI: Definitely, let’s camp here!
Uhuhu…

GABUMON: Oh, such a beautiful contrast…

BIYOMON: The colors are too
artificial.

MIMI: Are we going to sleep in
the floor?

TAI: Yes, we don’t have concrete
so you can sleep with the fishes.

SORA: That came out from nowhere,
it’s suspicious!

TAI: Suspiciously comfortable,
let’s get inside! One two…

IZZY: Where does this come from?

MIMI: It doesn’t matter, I
already took a seat.

MATT: First the telephones and
now this? Something doesn’t smell right…

JOE: It’s a conspiracy,
Illuminati confirmed…

TAI: No, Joe, get over it…

SORA: Then, with this and sushi…

TENTOMON: We eat your push*…

*The original phrase is “con esto
y un bizcocho, te comemos todo el chocho”, which translates as “with this and a
sponge cake, we eat your pussy”, but doesn’t rhyme.

IZZY: “Chopa”, yes, it’s a type
of fish.

TENTOMON: Don’t interrupt me, I
said cho*…

PATAMON: Air spit!*

*The play on words gets lost in
the translation because Tentomon get’s interrupted midsentence in “chocho”
(pussy), while Patamon shouts “chorro de aire” (air spit).

GABUMON: I surrender!

BIYOMON: Primitive mammal, this
is how you do it!

PALMON: No, Mimi, that mushroom
is dangerous!

MIMI: How do you know that?

PALMON: I used to have a family
before they ate one.

TAI: Well, we have firewood, but
not fire.

MATT: How could we make the fire?

SORA: My canary spits fire, but
it is green… and spiral.

TAI: Oh, suspense is thrilling
me!

AGUMON: Here I come!

TAI: Good work, slave!

IZZY: We fished chopas!

MATT: I’m sure that fish doesn’t
exist.

MATT: Tai, you aren’t prepared to
independency at all.

TAI: Teach me, I’ve never cooked.

MATT: Give me the fish then.

GOMAMON: You are eating my
friends, but I don’t care.

MATT: TK!

TK: What?

MATT: Be careful with the spines.

TAI: Your brother wants to eat
your dick!

TK: Let’s start the incestuous
fan-fictions*!

*There are too many in the
Digimon fandom…

TAI: Hey, Sora!

SORA: I have a boyfriend!

*SORA IS NOT YOUR WAIFU*

TAI: TK and Matt are brothers or
just from the same race?

SORA: Izzy and you are brothers?

TAI: Nope, but I have a sister…

SORA: Think about it…

JOE: Look to the stars… not to
me.

TAI: Whoa, white dots in the sky!

JOE: I think we are in another
galaxy.

TAI: Awesome, I want to meet
Yoda!

PATAMON: Cramp, cramp, cramp…

TK: Are you sleepy?

TAI: I’m actually sleepy.

IZZY: Wanting to sleep made me
cross-eyed.

JOE: C’mon, Sora, you have to
guard.

TAI: Her not, she is a girl,
machirulo.

MATT: TK shouldn’t either.

TK: Yes Matt, MATT…

MATT: TK, don’t grab me there, I
could go to jail!

MIMI: Leave a bit for the rest.

TAI: Hey, Gabumon, could you
share the coat-blanket (batamanta)?

GABUMON: No, leave me alone, I
have insecurities!

TAI: You pushed me!

MATT: Leave my dog alone!

TAI: You keep your insecurities
for yourself!

MATT: If my doggy says no, it’s
no!

JOE: Boys, boys, peace and love!

TAI: I’m going to do the first
guard!

MATT: Then I will the second.

JOE: Oho, I got away, being the
eldest rules!

MATT: Hey, Gabumon!

GABUMON: Yes?

MATT: You are too warm.

GABUMON: I know.

MATT: It’s not very comfortable…

GABUMON: Yeah.

MATT: I think it’s my turn to
guard.

GABUMON: I won’t.

TK: Eh?

GABUMON: Shhh, now you are with
me…

AGUMON: Tai, don’t sleep!

TAI: I will walk then.

TAI: Hi, Matt.

MATT: Sorry for what happened
before, I couldn’t help it.

TAI: Don’t worry. IS TK your
brother?

MATT: Yes, but we don’t live
together since our parents divorced.

TAI: Oh, I’m sorry.

TAI: This Matt is too repressed.
I bet he will abuse his pokemon.

AGUMON: Digimon…

TAI: That.

GABUMON: You play well…

TAI: Fuck, it’s unbearable!

TK: Come with me, Fluttershy. I
have many animals!

TAI: I sleep, I sleep… and I wake
up.

TAI: A little vortex!

*Intermission*

I will play Seadramon very
dramatic…

*The Christmas Revenge teaser*

Because “sea-dramón”*, he has to
be a drama queen.

*In Spanish, “being a big drama”.

*Intermission*

SEADRAMON: Okay guys, I want you
to explain what happened.

SORA: So much potential for
phallic jokes…

MIMI: I don’t want to hear them!

JOE: I would close the video!

IZZY: But didn’t the obligatory
monster of the episode already appear?

TENTOMON: It seems not.

MIMI: This one doesn’t have an
amusing name!

IZZY: The island is his butt,
isn’t that enough jokes for you?

SEADRAMON: I’m sure we could
solve this without relying on violence… or at least with anybody knowing about
it…

TENTOMON: Do you think he will
calm down if I stop piercing his tail?

AGUMON: I don’t know, jump over
it…

AGUMON/TAI: It was sarcasm!

MATT: TK, wait for me!

GABUMON: Should I? Have I already
digested the lunch? Doesn’t matter, Jesus in my side!

MATT: One two, one two…

SEADRAMON: I’m sure we could
solve this without relying on violence!

BIYOMON: No, violence is the
priority!

PATAMON: Right!

SEADRAMON: Not even a scratch…

PALMON: Or we would be watching
Lucky Star.

SEADRAMON: You can’t hurt me! And
I don’t want to hurt you!

AGUMON: Take a jalapeño!

SEADRAMON: Nothing! My turn?

AGUMON: It looks obsessed on
using violence against us.

TAI: Then, evolve!

AGUMON: It’s not that easy…

TAI: Of course, other will evolve
in this episode.

TK: Wait for me, Matt!

MATT: Don’t get near the edge,
silly!

TK: Brother, I’m here!

MATT: You felt!

TAI: My grandmother swims better
than you!

TENTOMON: Tai’s grandmother
doesn’t have legs!

SEADRAMON: That joke had a bad
taste!

MATT: Get him away, twangy seal.

GOMAMON: I don’t like that name
at all…

MATT: Come here, dick joke!

SEADRAMON: Is the homo one
talking to me? Hahaha! Sorry…

GABUMON: His sexuality doesn’t
concern you!

SEADRAMON: And are you acting as
his friend? Go to flirt to another place!

MATT: Lol, look how he is flying.

TK: Oh no! Somebody help him!
He’s allergic to not having oxygen!

TAI: Everybody is!

SEADRAMON: Lucky me, right?

TK: It’s going to kill him!

TK: Patamon, help him, partner!

PATAMON: Hey, it’s not my fault
if his dog is useless. Are you going to continue doing nothing, Gabumon?

GABUMON: What else? He is too big
for me…

SEADRAMON: Any word before
blowing him out?

GABUMON: Yes, I would like to
confess I hate how he plays the harmonica. It sounds like an asthmatic pug.

MATT: Agh, it burns! This thing
is overheating my member!

GABUMON: Don’t worry, I will
evolve into a huge-ass dog.

GARRULOMON*: DIGIMON COMMANDO!

*Loutmon

MATT: You cut me, brute!

GARRULOMON: This is the freshest
sushi I’ve ever tasted!

SEADRAMON: Get out, stinky!

MATT: Brother, thank you for
saving me!

SEADRAMON: Don’t rise to the
surface or it will be worse!

GARRULOMOM: Suck this!

SEADRAMON: My eye! I have two,
but it hurts anyways!

TAI: So what, is going to finish
him or continue playing?

AGUMON: I’m boring!

TENTOMON: Do the finisher!

SEADRAMON: I am going to do my
finisher!

SEADRAMON: I love doing drama!

GARRULOMON: Then I copy it!

SEADRAMON: Agh, tell my family I
was innocent!

TK/MATT: Yeah!

SEADRAMON: Dramaaa…

GARRULOMON: This is what happens
when you mess…

GABUMON: …with the white man.

MATT: Very well, Gabumon, you are
not the shittiest one anymore.

TK: Yes, now we know that
Mierdasmon* is mine.

*Shitsmon

GABUMON: Or the lettuce, or the
seal, or…

TK: And you too, brother, are a
hero.

MATT: I know.

GABUMON: You are such an idiot…
hahaha.

GOMAMON: Deus Fish Machinima*.

*Deus Ex Machina + Fish + Machinima

BIYOMON: That pun has been the
worst of all.

GABUMON: I know.

SORA: I’m so tired… Massage my
butt!

IZZY: So nice, so nice…

SORA: How could those evolutions
work?

IZZY: Plot conveniences?

SORA: I think they are related to
danger.

TAI: What we suspected,
convenience at full force.

IZZY: What I was saying, like all
animes.

SORA: Spoilers, nobody will die.
Hey, you, go to die anywhere else!

AGUMON: That’s right, kids! Put
you on danger like the Twilight bitch.

BIYOMON: Or the one from Jupiter
Ascending, she’s even worse!

MIMI: Good, Lettucemon will
evolve next.

TK: Thank you again for saving
me. Should we do it? Yes, Matt…

TAI: Ups, I came…

TAI: I strongly ejaculated!

NARRATOR: Fuck, they killed the
funniest character.

*Friendzone Team*

Hi, I’m the attractive Kiba and I
compromise in front of this person to dub a character in the Digimon Abridged
series Friendzone is going to make*.