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This week I have been reading The Words We Carry by D.G. Kaye and would like to share my thoughts with you on the book.

About Words We Carry

“I have been a great critic of myself for most of my life, and I was darned good at it, deflating my own ego without the help of anyone else.”

What do our shopping habits, high-heeled shoes, and big hair have to do with how we perceive ourselves? Do the slights we endured when we were young affect how we choose our relationships now?

D.G. takes us on a journey, unlocking the hurts of the past by identifying situations that hindered her own self-esteem. Her anecdotes and confessions demonstrate how the hurtful events in our lives linger and set the tone for how we value our own self-worth.
Words We Carry is a raw, personal accounting of how the author overcame the demons of low self-esteem with the determination to learn to love herself.

My review for Words We Carry.

Words We Carry is packed with the accumulated knowledge, wisdom, survival tips and strategies from someone who went through difficult and unhappy childhood and teen years.

I think it is fair to say that most of us are less than confident about our body shape, and that is particularly tough when you can no longer use the excuse of puppy fat, and your friends are heading out in slinky black dresses and high-heeled shoes.

Unfortunately, not all mothers are born with the nurturing gene and as soon as you become competition, there is an opportunity to reinforce your lack of self-esteem with carefully chosen and cutting words. I would like to think that the experiences that D.G. Kaye describes were rare, but I am afraid that after counselling women on their health and weight for twenty years, the story is very familiar.

Those harmful words from those who are supposed to love us, are the ones we carry throughout our lifetime, unless we can find a way to dilute their power and replace them with affirmations of a much more positive nature.

D.G. Kaye describes her strategies to claim her own identity, build her self-esteem and evolve from the ugly duckling that she had been made to feel she was, into a swan. This involved a makeover in a number of departments, including wearing high heels at all times and over every terrain, and standing out from the crowd with her now signature titian hair colour. She also developed a healthy, outgoing personality and independence that led her to discover groups of people who accepted and embraced her as a friend.

In the second section of the book Kaye looks at the impact this early negative conditioning had on her relationships, including romances with older men whose different approach to dating and expectations provided a more secure environment. Unfortunately, having entered one serious and long-term relationship, echoes of the verbal abuse that she received as a child and teenager, threatened to undo all the hard work that she had accomplished. Thankfully she went on to find happiness and empowerment with someone who appreciates all that she has become.

Kaye looks at issues such as the difference between Alone vs. Lonely, Negativity and Self-Worth, Forming Healthier Relationships, and importantly Exposing our Personality Through the Internet. All the chapters provide commonsense strategies to overcome a lack of self-confidence, and I do think that women and men in their 50s and 60s, will definitely be able to draw parallels to Kaye’s own experiences.

Whilst I recommend this memoir/self-help book to men and women of my age, I also think that it should be read by all mothers whose daughters are heading into their teens and beyond. It might just remind them of how fragile their child is when about to face the outside world, and that there are enough external challenges to be overcome, without encountering them in the place they should feel safe.

It is also a book for young women who are struggling with weight issues and those who feel that they are not as attractive as their friends, or who feel that they are somehow going through something never experienced before.

There is no reason to reinvent the wheel. By reading this they might take strength in knowing that this is an age old problem, and that they can change the narrative and write their own story.

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About Smorgasbord - Variety is the Spice of Life.

My name is Sally Cronin and I am doing what I love.. Writing. Books, short stories, Haiku and blog posts. My previous jobs are only relevant in as much as they have gifted me with a wonderful filing cabinet of memories and experiences which are very useful when putting pen to paper. I move between non-fiction health books and posts and fairy stories, romance and humour. I love variety which is why I called my blog Smorgasbord Invitation and you will find a wide range of subjects. You can find the whole story here.
Find out more at https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/about-me/

Thanks Jane.. I am nearly 65 and it reminded me of behaviours in the past that are echoed in the present.. now it is magic potions for smoother skin and flattering tops to hide a multitude of sins.. xxx

Debby is so attractive, Sally. It is always amazing how people have so little idea of their own good looks but I do understand the concept of self esteem being undermined continuously. It is even more amazing that a mother would wish to compete with and break down her own daughter. I don’t have a daughter but I am very proud of my lovely boys – even when they are driving me crazy!

It is difficult to comprehend.. and I know from your writing that you and your mother have a lovely relationship. I do think it is a generational thing too. My mother was born in 1917 had a very tough first 7 years with her mother as a war widow before she remarried. She was an only child and was really her mother’s carer from 15 until she died when my mother was 24. Young women today and certainly since the 90s have been going out to work, seeing the world and managing the tough job of balancing a career and motherhood. My mother never worked after marriage and it must have been difficult to see three daughters out there working, dating having fun, wearing the 1960s fashions and I guess that really did not help. Anyway.. water under the bridge now and as my husband says I was a rebel from the moment i drew breath and a pain in the backside.. funnily enough though, she knew that I was strong enough to take care of her when she got old. hugs xx

You are very strong, Sally, and a very kind person too. My Mother has her quirks and occasionally drives me nuts but I know she had a difficult time growing up during the war and she always means well. On the whole, I am most blessed to have both her and my stepdad.

Thank you for your lovely compliment Robbie. But it’s a fact that the power of words can overshadow what we think of ourselves, casting doubt within our psyche. If nobody is around to help resolve our insecurities they only grow with us. I was fortunate because some can never get past the damage. I hope my stories can inspire others. ❤

Wonderful review, Sally. I think you’re right that Debby’s writing is appropriate for mothers of all ages and for daughters finding themselves as young women and adults. I haven’t read this one yet, but I’m looking forward to it. ❤

Excellent review, Sally. Self-esteem is so fragile, especially in our early years. Children are blank slates to be written upon, shaped and molded. Unfortunately, parenthood doesn’t come with a user manual; and if it did, those devoid of sensibility or pertinent neural pathways wouldn’t benefit. I’ve read several of Debby’s superb books and look forward to reading this one ❤

This is an excellent sensitive review Sally. Debby’s work is so important. As Tina said self esteem is such a fragile thing, especially when you are young and trying to find your place in the world. It constantly surprises me how schools never really tackle the fundamental subject of who we are as humans. If we are lucky we only come to terms with a lot later in life after much soul searching. That is why Debby’s work is so important. It helps people understand they are not alone and that others have not only survived but overcome negative feelings and relationships. Books like this should be on the school syllabus.

I agree Paul.. life skills often turn out to be more important than some subjects they teach.. I think that by the time they leave school they should be able to read, write and express themselves articulately and be able to cook, clean and take care of their health nutritionally. xxxxx

Such an excellent review of Debbys book Sally.. And yes, the words we carry take a long time before we set them down.. Many thanks for sharing.. And much love your way and to Debby.. It takes us through our own journeying to come to understand our own self worth..
Love and Blessings
Sue xxx ❤

Fantastic review, Sally! You sum Debby’s book up really well. I imagine it is a memoir that is helpful for everyone and for generations to come – the theme touches everyone’s heart strings and sounds very recognizable.

I feel a bit like I’m carrying coals to Newcastle, Sally, but I want to take just a moment to add my kudos to you for this wonderful review of Deb’s wonderful book.

I agree that it is a good read for women of ALL ages – whether they have a few unconscious remnants of introjected hurtful words in later life or are just beginning their journey into womanhood with fresher wounds. Plenty of food for thought to inspire us all to DUMP those words!
xx,
mgh
(Madelyn Griffith-Haynie – ADDandSoMuchMORE dot com)
ADD/EFD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching co-founder
“It takes a village to transform a world!

Thanks Madelyn.. we often say that we wish we knew then what we know now! I know that hindsight is a wonderful thing but if I do believe that if I had read Debby’s book at 16 that I might have made some different choices. However, I have ended up in the right place which is great. xxx