Thursday, May 27, 2010

"BP wants Twitter to shut down a fake BP account that is mocking the oil company. In response, Twitter wants BP to shut down the oil leak that's ruining the ocean." - Jimmy Fallon, Late Night (via delete the adjectives)

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

example number 3: logan vs. marty in gilmore girls

"I still maintain she should've ended up with Marty. Logan was too pretentious and stupid. He jumped of cliffs with no regard for anyone but himself. Pssh. Marty was a pretty decent guy. He never called her "Ace" the way Logan did, but still. Marty watched Duck Soup with her. And they were bonded after she found him in her corridor naked after the party they had in their dorm."

I don't know how I find these blogs. Really. It's like they're just handed to me sometimes. And when I read entries like this one, I know that the blog is special (like stop eating the paste special) and I add it to my Google Reader (i.e. the best thing to happen to me since gmail on the interwebs).

And, just for the record, this isn't necessarily my point of view on the subject.

I'm listening to Angel Taylor. The first song on her cd is called "Chai Tea Latte". I like it. I mean it's silly, but she sings about chai & reese cups. It's kind of sad though too. She's waiting for someone (specific) to ask her out. "And seeing you in person is so much better than my thoughts and my dreams."

I had the last two days off. They were lovely. And now I have to go to work... at my new store... and it's raining. I hope this is a good week.

Last night I watched Gilmore Girls - when Lorelai & Luke break up and Rory & Logan get together. It made me cry a little, too. Dang. I'm a mess. But it also made me laugh, so perhaps I'm just well-balanced.

"Coffee-coffee-coffee is a saying, like an exaggeration. It's a funny, desperate cry for caffeine. It's just my thing. 'Cause everyone knows I drink a lot of coffee, so the day can't start until I've had my jolt. It's a bit. My bit."

I realize this post is short and not very detailed oriented - my apologies. Maybe next time!

Friday, May 21, 2010

I just found out I get bonus from Citadel Mall today. It's an $85 gift card - so exciting!

By this time next week my credit card will be paid off. How crazy is that? My mastercard will have a zero balance. My Vickie's card will have a zero balance. My Express card always has a zero balance. I am going to start paying extra on my car loan. Maybe joy is financial freedom.

Ok, so not JOY. But satisfaction. No one can find JOY through dollars. Trust me, I know... I shop in all the right places.

I'm almost done with A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. I'm loving it. It reminds me of hope. Hope that everything happens for a reason and that everything, including pain, has meaning.

"Frankl's papers, written after surviving the camps, and even after losing his wife to the Nazis, indicated a philosophical conclusion that misery, though seemingly ridiculous, indicates life itself has the potential of meaning, and therefore pain itself must also have meaning." Interesting, huh?

He also talks about Job and how God basically says to Job (who has his family, wealthy & health taken from him) "I know what I am doing, and this whole thing isn't about you."

And "Job responds, even before his health and wealth are restored by saying, 'All of this is too wonderful for me.' Job found contentment and even joy, outside the context of comfort, health or stability. He understood the story was not about him, and he cared more about the story than he did about himself."

Crazy, right?

It's just so much easier to be upset. How do these people do it?

Anyway, I'm almost done with it. I think I learned from it. Maybe I'll read another Don Miller book. Or maybe I'll finish 'In Defense of Food' or 'Crazy Love' or re-read 'Eclipse' since the movie comes out next month.

I need shoes for Alison's wedding.

I need to finish my coffee. I've become addicted to peppermint mocha creamer - I'm not sure why. It doesn't really taste like mocha at all. But I also hate mochas. Except from Immac.

I need to go to work & get prepared for all my interviews - eek! And all my changes for tonight - oh boy! Then two sweet days off. Yess.

Monday, May 17, 2010

So, last week was a big week. I'm pretty tired from it.

I drank beer and ate coconut cream pie on Shem Creek. I saw The Dave Matthews Tribute Band and drank from a koozie with David Hasselhoff on the bottom. Party at the Point had a giant walking Taco Bell sauce packet. I ate rocky road & banana pudding ice cream. I went to the Charleston Pride Party and saw a drag queen yell at Tonya. I was sore for three days from the gym. I had an altercation with my two dogs and a raccoon. On Sunday, I had a cupcake for breakfast. I bought sillybandz in the shapes of zoo animals. I met some awesome people. I met some not so awesome people. I worked at my new store... Finally. I got to work with my Sales Leads and a few associates. It's so weird being bumped from store to store. Right now, I'm training in my new position. Today, I spoke out on conference call and published my very first Bath & Body Works schedule. I've been running on coffee.

Also, I had someone ask me to go to a wedding with them. A stranger. I had plans, so I had to say no (even though I wanted to say yes), but now I'm kicking myself for it. He was funny. And cute. And evidently a (successful) dreamer. I wonder what he would have done if I had actually taken him up on the offer... Hmm. I want to track him down and try again, but I'm pretty sure he told me he was going to Europe for the rest of the summer. Eff.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

"But I also wondered if he wasn't right, that we were designed to live through something rather than to attain something, and the thing we were meant to live through was designed to change us. The point of a story is the character arc, the change."

“I believe there is a writer outside ourselves, plotting a better story for us, interacting with us, even, and whispering a better story into our consciousness."

“It’s true that while ambition creates fear, it also creates the story. But it’s a good trade, because as soon as you point toward a horizon, life no longer feels meaningless. And suddenly there is risk in your story and a question about whether you’ll make it. You have a reason to get out of bed in the morning.”

when i was in college, i had a friend whose name was nathan (nate) lowe. he used to sweep & mop for me at work. go on adventures to the abandoned asylum. take me to the julie heffernan exhibit. make me little paper hearts. write scriptures & encouraging words on sheets of paper when times were tough or people were leaving. and it wasn't just me. he was a friend to all of us. one day he moved away & we lost contact.

i didn't know it at the time, but he inspired me. when i was with him, i saw things differently than i did by myself. i learned to love people differently. to judge differently. to wonder about life differently. i don't know where he is now or why i've been thinking about him, but i have & i hope he's well & happy in life.

bought a green french press (i'm having buyer's remorse though - maybe i'll take it back) & a caramel macchiato (i forgot how delicious those are - oh my!)

befriended my neighbor, Patrick, who I think disliked me previously

did (began, really) my laundry

i think that's everything. all in all, it was a good day. i just wish that i could come home to my own place where it didn't matter if i got my laundry done on time or washed the peanut butter spoon i used to force feed lollipop her meds. one day.

Last week, I gave my two weeks’ notice at the coffeeshop. For those of you keeping track at home, this is the second time I’ve given my two weeks’ there. Remember how I did the same in January to pursue freelance writing and a part-time position with one of my besties at a tea shop? Well, long story short, the tea shop position fell through and freelancing wasn’t even scratching the surface of paying the bills, so I stuck it out at the coffeeshop part-time for five more months. In the meantime, I picked up 25 hours a week serving at a little Italian restaurant.

The Schedule

For nearly four months I’ve been working my balls off. Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays at the coffeeshop from 5:30am to 2:00pm, Thursdays off, and Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays at the restaurant. Recently I’ve been doing back-to-back doubles at the restaurant, meaning I’d be working from 10:45am to 10:00pm at the earliest. I’d run all my errands on Thursday and coax my body into not being sore and tired, though, inevitably it always was.

The Aftermath

My body hurts. My soul hurts. My feet ache, my calves are perpetually tight, my hands are sore, I haven’t seen my friends in ages, and I just feel ugly — inside and out. I haven’t been taking care of myself and I don’t have the energy to take care of my house and my husband and my life. My house is in disarray from the two floods we incurred in two months and my cat just puked on my nice comforter. I’m a hot mess.

The Deal

But this is what I do. This is how I cope. This is exactly the pace I’ve set for myself my entire life. I go go go go go until I crash and burn. It’s all or nothing for me. If I’m not working my ass off 60+ hours a week, I don’t feel like I’m holding up my end of the bargain… but I constantly find myself at the end of my rope after burning my candle at both ends for far too long. It’s just what I do. Balls to the walls. Head down, barrel through, no one to blame but myself. It’s obvious I suck at balance. I don’t know what it is, how it feels, or what it looks like. I feel guilty when I take too much time for me. And “too much time” usually translates into “any time at all.” But I’m tired of feeling shitty, looking shitty, and being shitty to everyone I encounter.

The Pendulum

I call this the pendulum effect. I swing so far to the side of overworked and I hang there like one of those pirate ships at an amusement park. When I get relief, the chance to swing back, I sit on my ass, eat Pizza Rolls, wallow in self-pity, and feel like a total loser. There’s no grey area in the way I encounter life. All or nothing, baby, and dear god it’s exhausting.

So I quit one of my jobs. And I’ll just get used to working weekends. And you better believe I’m going to make the most of my time off, because you don’t know what free time is like until you completely deprive yourself of it.

* Sympathy is a social affinity in which one person stands with another person, closely understanding his or her feelings. Also known as empathic concern, it is the feeling of compassion or concern for another, the wish to see them better off or happier. Although empathy and sympathy are often used interchangeably, a subtle variation in ordinary usage can be detected. To empathize is to respond to another's perceived emotional state by experiencing feelings of a similar sort. Sympathy not only includes empathizing, but also entails having a positive regard or a non-fleeting concern for the other person.

Friday, May 07, 2010

i would like a plant that is quite hard to kill & doesn't need direct sunlight. when i have my own place i want lots of plants. yay photosynthesis!

sometimes i sleep sideways in my bed just because i can. what happens if you marry someone who also likes to sleep on your side of the bed? or they snore? or they have night terrors? then what?

i've been wondering recently what causes people to fall out of love with one another. is it time? circumstances? or is the other person really just more than you can handle? i really don't know. i've never fallen out of love with someone. i've never not loved someone who i loved at some point. even friendships that i've had to take a break from or have fallen by the wayside. i still love them.

God calls us to "love extravagantly".

love: to have a strong affection for

extravagantly: exceeding reasonable bounds

i wonder if it's more difficult to continue loving people or to let them go?

sometimes i think i don't tell people enough that i love them. or i appreciate them. or that they've touched my life. they're such big things to say. how do you say them? how do you show that? through a card? a cup of coffee? a text? an edible arrangement? a billboard doesn't even seem big enough.

sometimes life is so full that words escape me. or i just have writer's block. honestly, there has been so much happening that i have a hard time keeping up with it all. i got promoted! i saw papa roach! i'm blonde! i need to start looking for an apartment! i need new tires & brakes! starbucks has snazzy new marketing!

i need something more though.

i'm reading a million miles in a thousand years (i'm almost done, i swear) by donald miller & i'm trying to wrap my head around the 'my life as a story' concept.

"But I also wondered if he wasn't right, that we were designed to live through something rather than to attain something, and the thing we were meant to live through was designed to change us. The point of a story is the character arc, the change." - Donald Miller