Sunday, June 25, 2006

I nearly turned off my TV during the first five minutes of this week's TNA Impact. With regards to the opening rantifesto from Jim Cornette: Who writes this crap? First of all, somebody give Cornette a title that will stick. "Commisioner" works fine. I understand TNA used the title "Director of Authority" for a while. That sounds kinda cool. Hell, call him "Chief Executive Officer" for all I care. Just give him a clear title that communicates the fact that he is now the bossman. Calling him "the new face of TNA Management" does not work. It's too long and it's unclear whether he's in charge or running water for some shadowy behind-the-scenes type. Second of all, start your damn wrestling show with some wrestling, m'kay? Nobody tuned into TNA Watch Some Guy In A Suit Yap His Gums. You like to call your program the "60-minute Adrenaline Rush", well book it like you mean it! Start the show with some action! Or at least keep the plot focused on the wrestlers. You could have started that segment with Jarrett coming to the ring and throwing a tantrum, then have Cornette come out and give him a brief verbal slap-down. Doing it the other way around was bass-ackwards. Finally, who the hell is Jim Cornette and why should I give a crap about him? Seriously, at least Zybyszko has some cred from the peak WCW days. When was the last time Cornette was a notable on-screen persona? Back when he was doing color commentary for Crockett? Is your target demographic really fans who remember the Midnight Express?

I must admit I'm glad I stayed with the show. I don't care about the muscle chick hanging out with Syles and Daniels, but the lion's share of the match was entertaining. Seeing the Alpha Male pull a goldbergian quick squash was nifty. As usual, the LAX was credible right up until the random swerve beatdown. Eric Young was funny, pulling off his dummy schtick without looking like a retard, but please tell him to stop using everyone's full name. I like the James Gang/3-D feud but at some point one of these teams needs to tussle with Styles/Daniels for the belts. Joe/Dutt/Senshi was a great main event. And I salute you for moving the X-Division title without besmirching Joe's 'unstoppable' streak. You can push Joe to the moon as far as I'm concerned.

"Man, is there anything Jeff CAN'T do when it comes to gaming? This guy is like a critical 20 every roll. Jeff can bite the heads offa five game geeks, including their sorry-ass DM, and spit 'em into a large duffel bag ONE AT A TIME!...that's just the kind of messed up bastard he is! You think yer a gamer, punk? Well..do ya? Jeff will depants your weasel-ass right in front of your grandma."