WHAT IS EMOTIONALLY DETACHED

Put simply it is a state of mind where we witness life rather than reacting to life. Now that’s not hard to understand or is it? Let’s explore how to emotionally detach from life’s events shall we?

WHAT IS EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT/AUTOMATIC REACTION

Let’s first be clear on what emotional attachment is, in order to undo it. Wouldn’t it be great to have one of those UNDO buttons. Press the button “poof” gone!

We can be emotionally attached to our pets, special plants, friends, kids, money, lovers, family, precious memories, homes, cars, all of our possessions, all of our favourite things, winning and even our thoughts like possessing our goals, she’s so perfect, he is a hunk and the list goes on.

In fact these attachments are very like addictions. We desire them so much we imagine we can’t live without them and should we lose any of them we feel differing levels of sadness. Notice here we are reacting to loss. An extreme example is loosing our home and everything in it to fire, flood or some natural disaster.

To easily discover our attachments, ask ourselves if we lost “it” and experienced any level of sadness, we were surely attached to it.

Unfortunately, the consequence of being addicted/attached to anything is we give the attachment power over us and they basically control our lives. Another consequence is often what we are so attached to will leave or allude us. Sad but true!

WHAT IS EMOTIONALLY DETACHED/BEING A WITNESS

Our state of mind when we become a witness to life’s events, is keeping a calm nonreactive demeanor, a cool head and we can do whatever we need to do without our emotions becoming involved.

Classic examples here are a medical doctor, going about his business, of amputating a limb. He may feel helpless, even a little sad, because with all his due diligence and medical knowledge he is unable to save the person’s limb. However he will calmly amputate because it has to be, or is the best outcome for the patient.

Another example is the Paramedics that attend an accident scene. They coolly and calmly assess the patient’s condition, make a judgment call and then calmly act to get the best outcome.

In both of these examples the Doctor and the Paramedics are witnessing their patient’s conditions, making a clear and calm judgment call and then acting in the patients best interests.

For me, these people are special types of people, however all they have done is to train their brains to witness these events without becoming emotionally involved. We are all capable of training our brains to witness life and not react to life.

I DIDN’T SAY DETACHMENT IS EASY ALTHOUGH IT CAN BECOME A HABIT IF WE WORK ON IT

It is not by coincidence that I am writing an article on detachment because a real life situation has just come up for me! This one is not such an obvious one. I determined to build my online business to enhance our retirement years so money was not dictating what we could and couldn’t do. I found a niche I am passionate about, and allowed me to continue my own development and help others by sharing my personal journey.

This project called for me to set goals, follow my plan, stay dedicated, determined and focused. After 4.5 months I have not yet made a dime and am in the battle of my life to attract traffic (customers). A friend I know is powering and cleaning up and I felt so disappointed for myself and started to doubt my abilities. Here’s a laugh, it’s the first time in my life I have felt a “cold sweat”. I never knew what it was.

I calmed down, shared it with my hubby (who calmly said, “It’s OK. Just keep doing what you are doing and let’s try to make it bigger and better”. Sage words from my man.

It was then that I realised I WAS SO ATTACHED TO BEING SUCCESSFUL, TO MEETING MY GOALS, TO THE MONEY PILING UP AND ME GETTING WHAT I WANTED.

I suddenly saw, how my emotional attachment was coming back to bite me by putting doubt in my mind, panicking about whether I had chosen the right niche and about to take me off my path, away from my goals and plans. This, for those who don’t recognise it, is self sabotage!

Now I can see the beast, I have detached from the outcome of my efforts. I love doing what I’m doing and if it helps one other person, my efforts will not have been in vain.

Since then, my mind has showed me clearly what I can do to make my efforts bigger and better and keep on my path to where ever it takes me. I know what I am doing has purpose and meaning for me personally and I have grown and grown. This is reward enough as my life is fulfilled and happier and what will be will be.

This shift is NOT EASY!!!

WHEN WE CLEAR OUR MINDS OF ATTACHMENTS OUR THINKING BECOMES CLEARER AND WE BECOME COOL CALM PEOPLE

Suddenly there is nothing to worry or stress about! What will be will be. Do you get it? For example our car gets stolen: we can do one of two things. Fly into an emotional reactive state of mind and stress ourselves to the max as we run around in circles thinking “Oh no! What am I going to do? How am I going to get home? How am I going to get to the shops, take the kids to school etc.”. We can run around in a panic, tearing our hair out, putting our blood pressure through the roof and doing ourselves a great disservice. Notice how frantic and wound up this behaviour is.

Or we can: stay calm, keep a cool head and clearly think our way through the situation. Then we will call the police and report the car stolen, grab a taxi/bus or call a friend to take us home. Explore who we might be able to borrow a car from or hire a car until the situation is sorted. Notice how relaxed we are when common sense (clear thinking) is in control. Sure we are annoyed, to say the least, that our car has been stolen but it hasn’t controlled us. We have control of what is the best outcome.

IN CONCLUSION

Well, I have bared my heart and soul in the public arena again and this is not easy to do either, however Hello To Happier Days is and always has been about my personal journey.

What comes up for me now is IKEA’s founder Ingva Kamprad who quoted: “Keep your head down and your butt up” looking for better and better ways to help people, and the dollars will follow you”. Remember he developed the flat pack to help his customers with furniture purchases.

COMMENTS SECTION

If the comment box does not appear under this article, navigate to the comments section by scrolling back up to the top of the white page, on your right hand side you will see RECENT POSTS. Click on the top post (which is this post), when it opens, scroll to the bottom and the comment box will be ready for you. Hang with me on this, computer gremlins.

I invite you to share your experiences, to help me and others as we grow together to happier days. I love it when people join the conversation. It makes it fun!

Hi Mike, Emotional detachment brings a calmer more peaceful lifestyle because we are operating with clarity when we make our decisions. It is easy to understand that you would say love always come with emotional attachment. We all know that feeling of going “weak at the knees” or “head over heels in love”. That is an authentic feeling, however as we walk our path together we still need to make cool headed, clear decisions. To do this we need to emotionally detach from the love of our life and both make decisions that are clear and considered. This means finding common ground around issues or being prepared to happily to compromise to allow peace and harmony. Does this make sense? Thank you for dropping by and contributing to the conversation. Cheers now, Jill

Some very well thought out food for thought. As an avid practitioner (and still very much learning) of Mindfulness, I can see how the two could go hand-in-hand.

As for partnerships I once was reminded that it’s not you against your partner, but the both of you against the problem. Emotions are a tricky thing and I can agree that calmer approaches go further. 🙂