Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Wednesday Festival: Get Rid of your Crappy Pastor

I simply cannot count the number of complaints that I get to hear about
other pastors. I've responded to such complaints many ways over the
years. The simply smile and nod, without actually agreeing -- or
conversely, the serious head shake. I've advised the individuals to go
and talk to their pastor about their complaint. I've even tried to
convince the complainer that their pastor really is pretty good.

But enough of that. I know what most of these complainers want ... They
want to get rid of their crappy pastor. The sooner the better. And so,
without further ado, six steps to get rid of your crappy pastor and get a
better pastor in your congregation.

1) Pray for your crappy pastor. I know, you really don't
want to pray for your pastor right now, but give it a try. Pray for your
pastor's preaching, for your pastor's life, even for the pastor's
family. Prayer was one of those things that Jesus was kind of big on, so
go ahead and give it a try.

2) Make sure your crappy pastor takes a day off. Really,
you don't want your pastor doing all those things that annoy you any
more than absolutely necessary. Make sure everyone knows when the
pastor's day off is, and that doesn't call on that day. If there is a
congregational event, or an emergency, or a wedding, or a funeral on the
normal day off, let it be known that your pastor will be taking another
day off to make up the time off.

3) Insist that your crappy pastor take every week of vacation in the contract.
Many pastors leave unclaimed vacation days every year. Let's face it -
you don't really want your pastor around anyway, so encourage him or her
to take all of the allowed vacation. And make it easy decision for your
crappy pastor to leave town! Line up volunteers to take care of all the
work around the congregation so the pastor doesn't have to work extra
hard before leaving and when coming home. Offer up your vacation home,
or a gift card for a plane ticket out of town. Make sure everyone comes
to worship, so the pastor doesn't feel guilty about leaving for a
Sunday.

4) Continuing Education Events. Speaking of
getting your crappy pastor out of town, by contract your pastor probably
has continuing education time. Make sure that your pastor is attending
lots of events with exciting speakers, great preachers, and innovative
thinkers (you know, just so your pastor can see the ways in which he or
she doesn't measure up). While you're at it, go ahead and increase the
continuing education budget - make sure there is no barrier to your
pastor getting away from your congregation and to these events.

5) Take over the tasks with which your pastor struggles.
We all know that pastors should be good at everything in the parish -
from administration to preaching, from visitation with the elderly to
youth events. Chances are, your crappy pastor has some places where
there are struggles. Hire an administrative assistant. Get the parents
and other volunteers to coordinate and host the youth events. Get a
group of volunteers together to visit with homebound members. There are
all sorts of ways to make sure that your crappy pastor doesn't mess up
these tasks that he or she is already struggling with.

6) Encourage your pastor to spend more time in prayer and reading.
Now that you have freed up your pastor from all those tasks that were
the worst trouble points, there is all sorts of extra time. You don't
want him or her to jump right back into those tasks and mess them up, do
you? Encourage them to go and read, or spend time with other local
pastors, or spend more time intentionally in prayer.

There you go! It's foolproof!

If you do these six simple things, I guarantee you will get rid of your
crappy pastor. Get your congregational leaders on board with this plan.
Recruit the key people in the congregation to help you with it.

Pray for your pastor, make sure your crappy pastor takes all of the
allotted vacation and days off, send your pastor to amazing continuing
education events, recruit volunteers (or hire other staff) to fill in
your pastor's weaknesses, and make sure your pastor is spending time
praying, reading, and dreaming.

Yup, that's it. Do those things, and I guarantee you will stop
complaining about your crappy pastor. You will hear better sermons.
People will feel more ministered to. Exciting ideas will start to come
from your council meetings.

And all these things without having to go through the search process and hire a new pastor!

Take these six steps, and watch your crappy pastor become the sort of pastor you have always wanted.

Two more suggestions: (1) include a health club membership in your crappy pastor's compensation package. The better your crappy pastor feels, the less crappy your pastor will act. Also, (2) talk honestly to your pastor about what you feel is crappy even, in fact especially, if it's something the pastor has done or is doing. Get the cards on the table. Establish an honest relationship instead of a "con los dientes afuera" (Spanish for "with the teeth outside," while you're seething on the inside) one. 99.44% of the time the result will be reconciliation instead of retaliation.