The new Garmin 810s are in stock (COMP6074 for those of you following along in your catalog). Upgrades over your tired, old, cobwebbed Garmin 800 include live tracking, instant workout uploads, social media sharing and REAL TIME WEATHER UPDATES (yes, biblical pandemics are now included)! Yatch and his giant fists made from granite and steel insist you inquire with your nearest Garmin dealer. Have a frank and productive weekend…

Rotten fish, decaying roadkill, septic tank repair trucks, post-marathon foot rot, Camembert, backcountry meth lab porta johns, AXE body spray. This is but a sampling of a list of pungent odors Bloggy would rather smell than the inside of his beloved Bell Sweep helmet who celebrates its 5th sweat-soaked birthday this year. The pointless act of laundering the interior pads or soaking the entire helmet in a creosote bath is merely a type of psychosomatic ritual for my own well-being knowing full well that any life form within a 20 foot radius is at risk for permanent, olfactory post-traumatic stress syndrome. My helmet stinks and will never be clean and there’s nothing you or the priest from “The Exorcist” can do about it. Therefore it is of great interest to Bloggy (and several other avid office cyclists) that the BRAND NEW Pro Gold helmet cleaner and deodorizer (CLNR3590) arrived this morning at the Lexington warehouse!

Each 8 ounce can is crammed to the bursting point with a delicious and effervescent foam that gently coaxes itself into the pads and interior of your helmet with the swift and bloodthirsty ruthlessness of a zombie Panzer division as it eradicates all traces of the embedded stench enzymes that have lived inside your helmet, raising families, creating unique lives for themselves, etc. The congenial foaming action takes only a few minutes so bring that Leon Uris novel you’ve been itching to read and sit a spell. After you’ve waited patiently, it’s time to take a towel, rag or one of Jose’s priceless bootleg Rush tour t-shirts from the late 70s (pre-“Moving Pictures” but post-“Hemispheres”) and see if you’ve struck gold… STENCH gold that is! The amount of gunk you wipe off from your helmet will surprise even the filthiest of skeptics. Your scalp and hair will thank you as you fly along your favorite trail or road with the scent of New Car meets Lilac meets Golden Corral following you in your wake. If you’re a bike shop, this product is a must. Sell entire 8 ounce cans or use Bloggy’s idea and charge customers fifty cents for a quick post-ride “rinse” (that’s “two bits” if we’re keepin’ it real with old timey saloon jargon). In this ever-changing, ever-constricting economy, it’s time to capitalize on traits riders and non-riders share: disgustingly overactive sebaceous glands.

The great thing about cyclocross compared to mountain biking is that with the latter, when it’s nasty out, you’re advised to stay off the bike and give the trails some time to drain and with the former, the nastier it is the better because nobody cares about public parks, disc golf fairways and parking lots and apparently being covered in mud makes great photography subjects. While that isn’t technically true, it’s nebulousness and over-arching generality makes it seem true, so it is. After the “conditions” argument against mountain biking and for cross, mountain biking wins in every comparison. That being said, Bloggy can say that he is genuinely excited about this weekend’s world championship. No doubt we’ve read about the treacherous sand (and the Shai Hulud dwelling below), the huge crowds (40,000 tickets sold with another 10,000 counterfeits being printed up), the vast quantities of alcohol ordered (Kokaijde means “nature’s urinal in Flemish) and the American contingent looking to make their mark this year (I bet my left kidney Driscoll podiums). What we haven’t read about is where you plan on inviting Bloggy to view the race with you. I like waffles, grits, scrambled eggs, blueberry bagels, mimosas, french press anything and the less conversation the better so keep that in mind before you send me your evite. Also, I’m lactose intolerant and my silverware needs to be kosher. Keeping things on the Heule tip, here’s another gopro video from his Koksijde practice lap. This is a lovely lead-in (or lead-out) to mention the new-for-2012 Go Pro camera mounts from our machinist friends K-Edge. These are strong, lightweight and can be used on the bars or the saddle. The Go Pro adapter mount (SD9980) lets you attach your camera to things like skateboards or helicopter blades if cycling isn’t cutting it for you anymore but you still want to see some visual proof of your activites. HDBR9502 and HDBR9504 will satisfy your handlebar mount needs while SD9984 is for the saddle rail view, ie “that dude WAS staring at my backside, lasciviously!”…

After Bloggy’s encounter with “The Joggers And The Mystery of the Right Of Way”, the palm and fingers were pretty banged up. Riding was difficult if not impossible. Riding without gloves was out of the question. Bloggy has never donned gloves for the road bike but desperate times called for desperate measures. Being without a pair of fingerless pittards, my only option was to heed the siren song of post-apocalyptic cyberpunk aesthetics and don my Mad Max styled FOX Dirtpaw gloves. They were made for the Thunderdome and now they’re dominating the casual road ride death-cage (aka, quiet country road). Pretty sure the recumbent rider I passed this afternoon vomited in terror. For those of you dealers in the know, the 2011 gloves are bye-bye to make way for the new 2012 designs and colors. Check out the 2011 that are still in stock and make note of the new designs we’ll be receiving into the hallowed halls of Hawley Manor within the coming weeks. Fox ain’t for moto-hillbillies anymore! That is all.

I was stuck in line at my neighborhood biscuit cobbler this morning waiting on my handmade bacon, egg and cheese and it was taking FOREVER. I was on the verge of completely flipping out and karate chopping the elderly lady in front of me in her wrinkly old neck when I took a deep breath and simply repeated my new mantra over and over in my brain: The universe is 14 billion years old; Whatever is bugging you, it ain’t a big deal. Big thanks to friend and occasional blog reader Keith for that one. In the linear timeline of things, a slow queue at my local biscuit cobbler is totally insignificant and not worth making a big deal out of. The universe is 14 billion years old (an age we know thanks to the Hubble telescope) and will probably be around for another 14 billion more. Sadly, we won’t because the Earth will be swallowed by a cruel and emotionless Sun. Oh man, that’s not a big deal is it? What most definitely IS a big deal is this press release (handcrafted from scratch, like a delicious biscuit, by Carmen the product manager) concerning Light and Motion’s addition to Hawley’s vendor roster:

“Light & Motion has a strong presence on the West Coast,” said Hawley’s Light & Motion product manager Carmen Amadeo. “Supporting their product line as we expand into the Western marketplace while building their brand recognition here on the East Coast makes a lot of sense for Hawley and Light & Motion alike.” Amadeo continued, “Light & Motion is an award winning company committed to reducing their waste contribution while doing their best to keep jobs in-house as opposed to off-shore. This is a trait we admire at Hawley and know that our dealers will value as well.”

Well said Carmen, WELL SAID! She literally took the words out of my mouth like a character from Greek mythology. Light in Motion is a strong brand to add to an already robust stable of lights that include industry “luminaries” like Niterider, Cygolite, Bristol Brass and Widget Factory of Lowell, etc. The Seca 1400 (LITE3520) is of special interest to those riders planning on fall and winter trail rides or endurance racing for next year. 1400 lumens pumped through two conic reflectors creates one of the industry’s widest beam patterns. The run time is a reliable two and half hours on high and five hours on medium while the weight is a scant 500 grams. Waterproof connectors mean this light can be fully ingested, passed through the digestive system, expelled via the rectum, remounted and continue to work. EVERY Seca 1400 is put through this final, arduous test and Light and Motion has the proctologist bills to prove it. Carmen said Jose was testing one this morning but is stilling wait to see “how things come out“. I ride into work on a 2 year old Niterider Minewt 300 which puts out a robust beam but I feel urged to explore more powerful options. I attached the Seca 1400 to see a side by side physical comparison…

Niterider Minewt battery on the left and the 6 cell Lithiomion battery of the Seca 1400.

The light “head” of the 300 lumen Minewt is on the left and the 500 gram Seca 1400 is on the right. OK, I’m trying to talk myself into buying this thing. It’s totally obvious isn’t it?

Hear ye, hear ye. Brand new unidirectional carbon weave K-Force components are resting snugly in the warehouse as of this posting. These are far superior to last year’s K-Force. The weave is different, the red is a tad bit lighter and these parts are counterfeit-proof. Por ejemple, this seatpost has a special QR code embedded deep within itself that prevents knock offs from being passed along to unsuspecting dealers and then to consumers. Adam said when he toiled at Specialized, they used to find supposedly counterfeit carbon road frames that were actually aluminum frames with a fake “crabon” wrap. Then it was up to Adam to strip off the decals and re-brand it a Trek or Cannondale, post it on a local Craigslist and use the ill-gotten gains to fund the company trip to Busch Gardens. That is a malicious falsehood. See here you whipper snapper, a normal looking carbon seatpost.

Here’s the storm that was a brewin’ Sunday afternoon that truncated our relaxed road ride but bumped up the effort/intensity levels by ten fold. Yes, pictures of clouds are awesome and inspiring, yet terrifying. Thanks to Billiam for the inspiration.

In racing news, congratulations to Hawley north Florida sales rep and devoted family man Andrew Hale for completing his first ORAMM. 9 hours and 45 minutes of mountain biking bliss! Also congratulations to blogger and bon vivant Rich Dillen for snagging 2nd place in the single speed category with a time of 5 hours and 38 minutes. What could account for a 4 hour difference between two equally serious and talented riders? Simply put, technique. Notice the difference in climbing postures and number plate arrangement. An effervescent Rich is dancing on the pedals like a non-dead Fred Astaire as Andy slowly grinds his knees into a fine but edible paste, like a dead Fred Astaire.

Creek crossing techniques show a discernible gap, nay chasm, in skills, confidence and general intelligence. Rich literally rides across the surface of the creek, barely disturbing the water let alone the pebbles on the creek bed like some heavenly Pisgah water nymph. He loses little to no speed, and also finds the the water spray cool yet refreshing. Conversely, Andy plunges front first into the brackish, horse pee-laden water, losing speed and control as he locks up both front and rear brake. Bike and face coated in the fetid “liquid”, Andy is demoralized, shaken and questions his own existence in a world built upon chaos and happenstance. Thanks to Lightbox Productions for the photos. They’re a professional outfit in Asheville who are starting to upset the applecart of race photography in Western NC for 2011.

In product news, with cyclocross season “fast” approaching, we received our latest CX tire offering from our good friends at Schwalbe Friday morning. The SMART SAM (TIRE7617 for those following along) is a budget-centric wire bead tire with an aggressive tread yet supple rubber. Unlike some other Schwalbe CX tires, the sidewall is beefy so shred capabilities are maximized. Tread pattern is very mtb-ish with knobs “all over the place”. This tire would make a good all rounder for a beginner or cheapskate’s first foray into the barriers. Many in stock but priced low so inquire, post haste….

Abus lock product manager and cycling industry LEGEND Sandy Emmanuel (she dated Perry Kramer for Crom’s sake!) just returned from Germany. Abus gave her the gold star treatment including the plant tour and some miniature golf. We’re a new distributor for 2011!! Shotgun go BOOYAH! More info to follow but here’s a teaser…

Have a frank and productive weekend. We’re CLOSED Monday so hold them order calls until Tuesday. Pleeeeease. Or, order online all weekend to your heart’s content!