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In the '80s Ford unleashed the third generation of their European compact, the Escort. A the very same time they brought the name, and somewhat that car's silhouette, to the U.S. with the purpose of replacing both the Pinto and Fiesta.

You might think that being the same in size and purpose that the European Escort and its American counterpart would have been like twins, you know for the whole economies of scale thing. Instead, the cars were vastly different, so much so that they didn't even share a single body panel between them. Who got the better car? Well, let's just say that the European Escort was like Fifth Gear, and the American one was more like Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.

Considering it was nominally replacing the Pinto, the U.S. Escort didn't need to be all that good for people to damn it with faint praise saying: well, at least it's better than the Pinto! The cars offered mediocre handling, flaccid styling, and engines so rough that the whole car would tend to shake like a dog shitting a peach pit. There's a number of reasons you don't see many of them on the road anymore.

The European Escort on the other hand, had to usurp a generation venerated for models such as the Mexico and - bow your heads, philistines - the BDA-powered RS1600. Ford's Escort in Europe had established a solid rep long before the marque went FWD with the '80s edition. Remarkably, and owed to Ford's involvement in Group B racing, the hits just kept on coming.

Why did Yurrup get the good car and the U.S. get the mediocre turd? Hey, that was just expectations back then. Europe also got cappuccino while we got Sanka.

Today we get almost all of Ford's cool European stuff almost without change, and we get Downton Abbey, and we love the shit out of that stuff. I don't know about you but I can't get enough of that period drama about class distinctions and the importance of proper etiquette.

But what if you're an American (U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!) with a jones for one of those '80s 'Scorts, especially one in which you could go topless? This 1986 Escort XR3i might be just up your alley. By the way, another sort of scort is the women's fashion that's a mini-skirt in front and short-shorts in the back, it's the best of both worlds!

Where were we?

Incongruously offered in Grand Rapids Michigan, this Wilheim Karmann GmbH-built Escort convertible not only is a body style absent from the '80s American edition's lineup, but it also has boy racer bodywork clothing its svelte European lines. Bonus!

There's not much why or how in the ad as to the reason the car is in the Great Lakes State, but it does note that it rocks the 1.6-litre injected mill, and that shifts are made via a five-speed stick. It also has what the seller claims are 'recardo sport seats' which I think means somebody's got some 'splainin' to do.

No mention is made of mileage nor legality and the seller's indifference towards the phrase a picture speaks a thousand words means there's not eve a shot of the car's ass to see if it already carries a plate.

Still, this is one rare puppy here in the Colonies and if you're looking for a 'bitch basket' from Britain, then this is your car. And it's only $2,800!

Let's now talk about that price. That's just north of phuket territory, but the question remains, is that too much for a cool one of a kind that could possibly end up cube mistake?