I answer that, The existence of Santa Claus Can be proved in five ways.

The first and most manifest way is that taken from Christmas trees. It is certain and evident to our senses, that in the world some things are Christmas trees. Now no pine tree becomes a Christmas tree unless it is trimmed. Now to be trimmed means to receive ornaments from another. But this cannot go on to infinity in the trimming of Christmas trees. One must come to some first untrimmed trimmer; and this everyone understands to be Santa Claus.

The second way is from the nature of Christmas gifts. We see that in the world that Christmas gifts are given and received. Whoever, then, gives Christmas gifts either receives them from another or makes them in his workshop. If, however, no one makes Christmas gifts in his workshop, they are not given nor received. Therefore it is necessary to posit some first giver of Christmas gifts, who everyone calls Santa Claus.

The third way is taken from plastic images resembling Santa Claus. At all stores we see things of plastic that represent Santa Claus. These things are of such a quality that they are representations according to Santa himself or according to other images of him. But, it is not possible to proceed to infinity in images. Therefore, it is necessary to posit something which is resembling Santa Claus and hence Santa Claus exists.

The fourth way is taken from the grades which are found in Christmas spirit. Indeed, in this world, among men there are some of more and some of less Christmas spirit. But “more” and “less” is said of diverse things according as they resemble in their diverse ways something which is the “maximum.” Therefore there must be something which has the most Christmas spirit, and this we call Santa Claus.

The fifth way is taken from the behavior of children. When Christmas day approaches, we see from their being good always or frequently that children, who lack understanding, are moved because of an end. But children would not be good because of the Nativity of Christ unless there were someone who strengthened them so that they were good. And this someone is known by all to be Santa Claus.

Replies to Objections:

Good elves, since they receive Christmas gifts from another, should be named the highest helpers of Santa.

It is not impossible that Santa Claus should use the door like everyone else.

NOTE

* Also known in various places under the name of Saint Nicholas, Father Christmas, etc.

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(This is a humorous parody of the most famous proofs for the existence of God. They are courtesy of Richard Carrier, a well-known, contemporary historian and philosopher.)

Proof of the existence of Santa Claus!

The Santalogical Argument

Santa Claus is by definition the greatest gift giver conceivable.
An actual gift giver is by definition greater than an imaginary gift giver.
If an actual gift giver is greater than an imaginary one, then the greatest gift giver must be an actual one and not imaginary.
But (per premise 1) no gift giver can be conceptually greater than Santa Claus.
Therefore, Santa Claus exists.

The Christmasological Argument

Either the universe had a beginning or has always existed.
Both science and logic entail the universe had a beginning.
Therefore the universe had a beginning.
Everything that has a beginning has a cause.
Therefore the universe had a cause.
Every cause must be either personal or mechanical.
But every mechanical cause is by definition a part of the universe, and therefore no mechanical cause can have preceded the universe to cause it.
Therefore the universe must have had a personal cause.
Creating the universe is the greatest gift conceivable.
The greatest gift conceivable can only have been given by the greatest gift giver conceivable.
Santa Claus is by definition the greatest gift giver conceivable.
Therefore, Santa Claus caused the universe to exist.
Therefore, Santa Claus exists.

The Fine Gifting Argument

The laws and constants of the universe are finely tuned to require the installation of vents, chimneys, and shafts in all households in which people live (due to the laws of thermodynamics and chemical respiration).
It is extraordinarily improbable that those laws and constants would be arranged in precisely the way that would require exactly what Santa Claus needs to enter our homes and deliver His gifts or coals.
It is very probable that if Santa Claus arranged the laws and constants of the universe that He would arrange them in exactly that way, which (lo and behold) is the way they actually are.
Therefore it is far more probable that Santa Claus arranged the laws and constants of the universe than that random chance did.
Therefore it is far more probable that Santa Claus exists.
Therefore Santa Claus exists.

Argument from Christmas Miracles

Miraculous events have been documented to occur at and around Christmas (by multiple eyewitnesses and even mechanical recording devices that never lie, like TV cameras).
It is extraordinarily improbable that those miracles occur just by chance.
It is very probable that they would occur if Santa Claus caused them.
Therefore it is far more probable that Santa Claus caused them than that random chance did.
Therefore it is very probable that Santa Claus exists.
Therefore Santa Claus exists.

Hopefully, if you are familiar with theistic arguments you will understand the humor in the above proofs. Have a Merry Christmas and, don’t forget, Santa Claus loves you!