Thursday, August 20, 2009

I used to loveCNN. They were the best. In particular, I loved Headline News. I would have rather watched Headline News than most shows of any kind run by the alphabet networks. That was the best place to turn for information that wasn't being reported by other outlets. Though, unfortunately, that's sometimes still true today, only the information isn't being reported by other outlets because it isn't exactly true. (Case in point: Anderson Cooper reporting as "confirmed" that the Michael Jackson funeral will be held at Neverland Ranch with a public viewing of him in a glass coffin.) However, they seem to have taken a different direction lately. They seem to be veering off from "news" and slowly edging into "commentary disguised and interlaced with cool and hip vernacular".

I have never hoped so much that something was not true as I hoped when I watched Jon Stewart of the brilliant "The Daily Show" do a segment about CNN's new segments called: "Just Sayin' " , "Are You Kidding Me?" and "What The..." And the last two, coincidentally, were exactly what I uttered upon learning of this nonsense. And in case you're wondering, the premise is just as horrifying as it would appear. One of their "journalists" (Translation: teleprompter reader) gives a very brief statement or lead-in to a topic in order to trick the viewer into believing that they are going to shed some light on the topic. The "journalist" then either dances around (not literally, although I'm sure that's coming, so stay tuned!) the topic with a couple of brief sentences and then either poses a question or makes a statement that tends to have a rather snarky tone to it. Then the "journalist" wraps the whole thing up and ties it neatly with a bow (again, not literally, but stay tuned) by ending with "I'm just sayin' " or one of the other two. ::: sigh :::

This sort of a notion would be fine if CNN wasn't CNN. If CNN is trying to make sure that it has a Saturday Night Live skit done about them during the upcoming season, this was a pretty good way to go about it. That's almost a given at this point. (Unless they do something more stupid, in which case, they might have two skits.) If CNN was a high school news program that was directed by Weird Al, it might work out well also. But they're CNN. Weird Al isn't doing this sort of thing, presumably because it's beneath him. Yet it doesn't seem to be beneath CNN and that is a bit disconcerting.

Here are some of the "topics" that a one extremely hot Carol Costello (daughter of Lou Costello, that is correct) has covered on "Just Sayin' ":

Minorities and women overall seem to be excelling. America boasts a black president, a woman secretary of state and the list goes on and on and on. I’m just sayin’: Time to say no to affirmative action?

The prospect of paying for a massive new health care plan is stoking anger among some states’ rights advocates. They think the government is already way too big and now they’re pushing back. Just sayin’, should states’ rights trump the fed?

This loud-and-proud bad mother writes, “I have left my children alone in the bathtub. I have spanked my daughter, I drink, I curse.” Just sayin’, does this mean over-parenting is over

Nude pictures taken of ESPN reporter Erin Andrews are more than that. Many women call it sexual assault and there are plenty of men who call it that, too, some of whom blame themselves for what happened. Just sayin’, who is to blame for what happened to Erin Andrews?

What I find almost ironic, but probably to be expected, is that they don't really seem to use "Just sayin' " correctly. TheUrban Dictionary (take it for what it is) defines "Just Sayin'" as "a term coined to be used at the end of something insulting or offensive to take the heat off you when you say it." Basically, "just sayin' " is like "no offense". Compare: "Dude! You look like you've gained thirty pounds! Just sayin'!" and "Dude! You look like you've gained thirty pounds! No offense." See? The same.

But in the examples above, like the one with the "over-parenting" question at the end, what's that about? I'm just sayin' that "just sayin' " doesn't really work there very well. At all. Dumbasses. This is what fills time on the news. This is what, for some inexplicable reason, CNN thinks viewers must be all a-clammorin' for. What gave them that idea? Wait. Was it Twitter? Was it the G-D Twitter? If it was then this could all be blamed on Ashton Kutcher somehow and I'd really like that!

It kind of feels as if CNN want out of the news business, but just doesn't know how to go about leaving. Kind of like when you've got some old guy at work and he's been there for years and it's probably time for him to retire and he wants to, but he's been working so long that he just doesn't know what he'd do without having to go to work every day, so he sticks around. Sure, his work isn't all that great anymore (you can't even tell what it is half of the time) and he's not really included in a bunch of things, but he's been there for so long that it's easy to let him stay and just overlook him for the time being and assume that he'll eventually figure out what it is that he needs to do for himself so that he can get the hell out. CNN is that old guy. But if they don't figure out how to get out of here, I'm going to put them in front of President Barry's death panels and let them take care of it. (Oh! But I kid! I kid! No death panels! No death! No panels! Kidding! Hating CNN right now, but kidding about all the death!)

The clip from The Daily Show is below. I find it highly entertaining. I find it a lot more entertaining than the assclowns over there at CNN. Hey, but speaking of clowns, what's next? A "Homey don't play dat!" segment?

1 comment:

Anonymous
said...

Stewart mocked MSNBC too in the segment for doing the same thing with the crappy cutesy slang titles.

CNN has become the whipping boy of the right and the left because they don't have an established "side" and both groups believe the network sympathizes with the enemy. MSNBC and FOX both have a big group of people in ideological accord who are rooting for them - viewing ratings success for the network as party victories, glossing over network flaws, defending the network aggressively, looking to the network as a champion of their political views, and focusing on their favorite aspects of the network. CNN doesn't have a "home team" rooting for them, and they have the right and left both attacking them and wishing to see them go down the drain since they are clearly left wing (to the right) or right wing (to the left) and it will be a win for FOX (for the right) and MSNBC (for the left).