‘Grey’s Anatomy’: Schoolkids Become Teachers!

This week, Meredith tells us that we’ll be exploring the concept of growing up, becoming an adult, and zzzz. Seriously, how old is Meredith supposed to be on this show? 30? We’d say Ellen Pompeo’s skin puts her at about, oh, 57, but nobody asked us, so … Anyway, a school-bus crash fills the ER with a gaggle of high-school kids who proceed to teach the doctors important lessons about their own maturity. Clever!

Callie gets: The captain of the cheerleading squad, who cut up her face and broke her tailbone. We bruised ours once (the first and last time we’d ever try spinning!), and it really hurt. Poor cheerleader!What it means: The cheerleader’s completely heartbroken that she won’t get to be captain anymore, and Callie relates, having just been fired from her job as chief resident.The outcome: Callie tells the girl to look on the bright side; now that she’s no longer chief, she has more time to concentrate on surgery, which is a “gift.” After a hilarious line — “You were fired from a job as a doctor, and they let you cut open my ass!?” — the cheerleader is calmed by Callie’s wisdom.

Meredith gets: Her estranged dad, Thatcher, who drunkenly put his hand through a window. She hasn’t seen him since her stepmother died, and he tells her that he forgives her and loves and misses her.What it means: Ol’ Thatcher’s a drunk, and Meredith lectures Lexie that she needs to keep a better eye on him. Meredith’s happy that Thatcher was forgiving and loving, until Lexie bursts her bubble by telling her that he’s always saying stuff he doesn’t mean because he’s just an incoherent alcoholic. Harsh!The outcome: Meredith realizes that Lexie is having a rough time with Thatcher and likes her a little more for it. The Chief comforts Meredith after she finds out her dad was lying to her. Sweet!

Miranda gets: Her old high-school crush, who was chaperoning the trip. Either his heart or his brain (we don’t recall, to be honest) fails, and Miranda saves him with emergency surgery.What it means: Miranda (he calls her “Mandy,” heh) used to tutor him when they were in high school, and he totally used her for her smarts. He continues the trend by asking her to fill out his hospital paperwork and then not appreciating the fact that she saved his life.The outcome: He’s fine but still a dick. Miranda breaks down, telling McDreamy about how she was ignored in high school because she was ugly. McDreamy relates that he, too, was dork in high school. We call shenanigans on that, Patrick Dempsey! You were a teen heartthrob in high school, you liar! And we were in love with you! Sigh.

Izzie gets: A kid with a pencil stuck in his eye. Ew. He’s a social outcast and only has one best friend, who’s a girl.What it means: Izzie misses having George as her best friend (they’ve been fighting because their sex is bad).The outcome: The kid falls into a coma that he’ll never wake up from. Bummer! Izzie and George, meanwhile, try to work out their issues, but it’s hard.

Next week: Something happens with an ambulance crash, and apparently, it’s is another “Grey’s Anatomy Event”™. Aren’t they all? —Emma Rosenblum