Wednesday Wants

I want………………a glass of red wine tonight, after my LAST day of camp.No big deal, right? For me, it is. This is what goes on in my silly head .

“It’s really bothering me about the wine and alcohol. I feel bad for drinking. It is extra calories that I don’t need. Do I want it? Yes. Do I need it? No. I feel like I don’t need anything extra. Red wine would prob be best.. It’s natural and supposedly has good benefits for me. right?
I’m scared of calories sugar and getting fat
I’m scared I won’t be able to stop and it will form a patten. Not alcoholism but wanting to drink wine every night .
I’m scared I’ll feel hungover and crappy

I ll try my own suggestion of making a decisions

1. Do I have the resources to handle this request along with my current responsibilities?

Sure. I can afford $10 one or two nights per week. I am responsible and would not drive if I drank

2. Could this fit physically? yes

3. Could this fit financially?
Yes.4. Could this fit spiritually?
Jesus drank wine. So yes. It’s not a sin

5. Could this fit emotionally?
I could handle it emotionally. It may actually loosen me up a bit. Just the guilt I would have after or if I felt icky the next day would bother me

that did not help much 😦 so here is what I will do….

Try it. See how I feel. Do I like it? Do I care!? I have to face
My fear mad trust myself to let go. I won’t do it all the time. But as a treat and reward it’s nice
My role model would prob do it if she wanted to”

I want………………to share something I am REALLY excited and PROUD about .There is cheesecake in my fridge .….and I actually forgot it was there. This may seem silly but it is a huge step for me. This is the first time I am actually satisfied and not thinking about that cheesecake and forcing myself not to eat it. I ate it three days in a row. It was good. I still forgot about it. I actually was perplexed as to what it was in my fridge? until I opened up the container and looked. I am finally NOT thinking and dwelling about things ,like food, constantly bc I am being good to my body and giving it what it needs. Not constantly restricting and follow “rules” of safe foods.

Go me!!!!

I want.…………….. a big flat screen TV. I am admitting that I have NOT turned on my television in over a year. I swear. No lie. I do not enjoy watching it. It is small, I’d rather do something else instead of wasting my time watching TV. BUT I do miss watching the news, discovery channel, history channel, travel channel. I think it would be good for me to watch MORE TV (Wow, I bet I am the only one that has said this!? EVER!? lol) Ok, maybe not this EXACT one

I want..…………….to say out loud that I did a GREAT job with summer camp. It was hectic at first (and still is) but I am truly doing the best I can. I am learning from my experiences about children, about teaching, and about trial and error. I did a great job.

I want.……………..to learn how to take better pictures

I want.……………..paint to relax I saw this great idea, I would really like to try: Go for a hike, pack a sketch pad, paints, brushes, pencil, whatever. When I see something beautiful, sit, relax and PAINT/DRAW!!!! – BUCKET LIST!

I want….…………..to admit that I was wrong yesterday. My sweet mother came in the morning to help out at summer camp. I was NOT clear on what I wanted her to do, I was frustrated (not at her, just in general) and I took it out on her. I was not angry with her, I was angry at myself for not speaking up. I called her last night to apologize and to remind her to NEVER let anyone “raise their voice” at her, if they do, she needs to stick upfor herself and say something (Like she should have said to me) It felt good to admit to HER that i was wrong, and apologize.

3 thoughts on “Wednesday Wants”

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Lol not sure if you are being sarcastic because I know I have a lot of typos in my blogs:). However I blog for myself. It’s a way to put down my thoughts and not hide them from myself or the world anymore :).