Tuesday, November 29, 2011

The weirdest news story of the weekend was those two 70+ year old former CFL players who got into a fist fight, or more precisely a shoving match and cane-swinging battle, over a lingering bitterness from the 1963 Grey Cup game.Now this is grudge holding I can get behind!My father, possibly the world's greatest and most long-lasting grudge holder, would've loved these guys.Reminds me of an incident I did not witness, but my bro-in-law brings up every now and then. He was car shopping with my dad, and they were approached by a young German clerk in the showroom who wanted to show them a Volkswagen, and my father yelled Nein! Nein! and walked out. Yes, he could be a nut sometimes. Fortunately, he did not have a cane to swing at the guy. But he could hold a grudge.

Monday, November 28, 2011

I see that Ken Russell died. Should we all swim around in baked beans in his honour? I dunno.Perhaps JAW Fan will wrestle nude instead.More interesting to me, is that Stalin's daughter died, age 85. I'm sure I'm not the only one who read that who thought, Stalin had a daughter who was still alive AND living in the US? Who knew? I read her life story in the NY Times. Pretty sad and confused. You can't choose your parents!

I saw the Muppet movie yesterday. It is pretty cute and entertaining, but I have one serious, major complaint.During the scene where the Muppets band together to rebuild their dilapidated theatre, they sing "We Built This City on Rock-n-Roll". This pretty well disqualifies a movie from getting a thumbs-up from me.I share this because that awful song has been in my head all morning, and I want to put it into someone else's head. And I hope that I have now achieved this.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

I took the day off, as it is snowing and I have lots of vacation days. I have just come in from shovelling the walk and my cheeks are rosy.Last week, I "acquired" a bottle of Jack Daniel's, which I have never tasted before (to my failing memory). So I figured why not take a shot of JD to warm up. Heck, it's after noon, right? So I just did. I took a sip and literally said "whoa". It's really strong in the throat, but then, it's weird. It does not burn the way scotch does. It's sweet and warm. I like it! Cut to: 4:00 p.m. Nanuk under a pile of papers asleep in the midst of drunken decluttering.

Monday, November 21, 2011

On the weekend, my friend the Tall Teacher (age 31) was over. He pointed to an old stereo I have and said "what's that?" In his defense it was buried under other things, hoarder-style.I said it's an old stereo. It was my father's. I kept it because it was the only one we had that played 78's.He asked (you guessed it) "What are 78's?"I said 78 rpm records. Vinyl. And I showed him one. He'd never heard of 78's. I showed him a couple. Very heavy vinyl, bigger than an 45, one song per side. He said: one song only? That's not very environmentally friendly. I love that. Who thought about the "environment" in the days of 78's?

I spoke to Fancy Feast yesterday, and as expected, he asked if he could move back. I said No Income, No Belmore.Then he explained that he still has an income. He is working for the same company "remotely" from home. (Aside: That is MY dream, but it will never happen for me.) He is part-time now, 20 hours per week, but said he would request to be brought up to full time, 40 hours. Then, working remotely, he could move back to Montreal. Apparently, the company has a guy working full-time remotely from Saskatchewan right now, so it can be done. My skepticism was palpable.He said he has five choices of where he would like to live.1. Vancouver2. Victoria (because he loves both these cities and "knows people there")3. Ottawa (home)4. Montreal (me)5. Winnipeg. Now Winnipeg is only an option because when he was hitch-hiking West this summer he stopped there for a bit and met these two sisters who invited him to stay overnight and before he said anything else he said "Don't Judge Me!" Ah, Fancy Feast. I think my sister summed it up best when she said "Don't let that goof back in your house".

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Fancy Feast is working part-time from home until the end of the year. This is not ideal. He is thinking it is time to move "back east".He won't take a full time job that pays less than $60 grand. Even in Calgary that is not easy when you are as unbalanced as he is. *sigh* He wants me to call him to have "a chat". We all know what this means, right?

Monday, November 14, 2011

I met someone new over the weekend, and he is not insane and does not suspect that I am an electronic rapist. So ssshhhh! okay?

Anyway, I know there are some who are still mourning the non-starter that was the mystery man from Huntingdon, but perhaps this will be a bit o'balm on that wound.

This fellow is from Laval. (Yeah, I know, ewwww Laval.) When I told him I was originally from V'Field, he asked whereabouts in V'Field. I said: You know V'Field? And then he said he used to have a girlfriend who was from....wait for it....St. Polycarpe. And then he dated another woman from....Riviere Beaudette. And he knew someone (a relative? I can't remember) who was a psychiatrist at the V'Field hospital. And he has been to Parc Sauve to watch the Regattes a few times. (Unlike me.) So when I said we lived about halfway between the hospital and the Laroque Bridge, he knew it. Weird.So I asked him if he had a thing for women from that part of the world? He just laughed. Guess so.

Wednesday, November 09, 2011

I took the afternoon off. Came home and did lots of yard work. It being Wednesday, the Publi Sac fliers are being delivered. As I was raking I saw the Publi Sac guys go by, so I went to the front porch and retrieved my bag. But today there were TWO bags. The second bag contained a free roll of toilet paper! Something of actual value.It was about 3:00 p.m. and nobody was around. The CPN was not home, nor were his neighbours across the street or next door to him. Nor was my across-the-street neighbour. i.e. No Witnesses.So I walked next door and stole the CPN's free roll of toilet paper. Yep! I did it. And I can't stop grinning about it. Winter's coming and he's going to piss me off for another snow shovelling season, so hey, there's no harm is taking a bit of advance revenge. Nyeh, nyeh.

Yesterday I was so happy because I read the story of the woman in Newfoundland who is 106 years old and eats pizza and fries. My hero.But then today I see that the fat aptly-named rapper Heavy D dropped dead at age 44.You can't win. Statistically speaking I'd imagine that for every 106-year-old pizza-eating woman, there are ten fatties not making it to 50. Sigh.

Monday, November 07, 2011

It's a perfect fall day, so I took a few minutes to stroll at lunch time. I hadn't yet seen the Occupy Montreal campground, even though they are set up only one block away from work. So I went by. They seem very orderly and quiet. A few passersby, checking out their signs and posters, but overall not much happening.I hope it stays that way.

Sunday, November 06, 2011

Over the past week, I had been emailing a 40-something fellow, with a possibility of meeting up. He seemed okay, but on his end, he shared far more intimate details than I did. It was a bit odd, but certainly not that unusual for a Craigslist posting.

On Wednesday, I asked him to provide a photo and I would send one in return. He said he didn't have his phone with him, so he would send one the next day. He didn't. The next day he asked if we could set up a day and time for a date. I said, okay, but I thought "no photo, no date, Jack".

We decided on Sunday at 7.On Friday I asked him once again to provide a pic. He wrote back one line: "You send one first and I'll return the favour. Thanks." At that point I decided screw you, I don't need this game. One thing I know about CL, if the guy doesn't happily send a photo, something is fishy. Usually, he's married. So I said I am suspicious of you and I am no longer interested in meeting.Well...then I got a photo. He was not at all attractive to me, so I was kind of relieved that I'd already dropped out.

But then last night came the ranting. Did you know I am an evil person who only lures men over the internet with no intention of ever meeting them? I should inform Fancy Feast and Smoothie of this. I'm sure they have no idea I am such an evil fake.

But the best line was that he had shared intimate details and I had "electronically raped" him. Yikes! I'm an electronic rapist. Who knew? Should I register with the police? Electronically?

I ignored that rant but then this morning, he sent me the same rant again from a different email account. So I wrote back and said he had confirmed my suspicions that he was a drama queen and I was very glad that I had chosen not to meet him.

Well...you know what I am now? A "scumbag". And I am NEVER to contact him AGAIN!I'm glad I have a good nut job detector. (Well, except for FF, of course, but he's a safe nut job. He is a risk only to my wallet.)

Friday, November 04, 2011

I figured I can't let the week end without one comment on the Bieber Baby story.

Kid, there is only one man who can tell you how to deal with a) your celebrity and b) endless babes throwing themselves at you. And that man's name is Gene Simmons. Seek him out. Listen to him. You will have the best life evah!

Thursday, November 03, 2011

I see that the 90-year-old American churchy nut who twice predicted the world would end this year and was wrong both times, or so it seems, has resigned.Clearly, two big mistakes in the same year would result in a negative performance review from his boss, God. I want that job. I can predict wrongly with the best of them. I'll pick a date and ask gullible fools to support my ministry. I'll giggle as I watch them give away all their belongings. Then when the day passes uneventfully, I'll say sorry and go back to my predicting, but I'll wait a year because I don't want two mistakes in the same year.

Wednesday, November 02, 2011

Two days ago, I got a long tale-of-woe email from Fancy Feast that he was dead broke, and the payroll dept had messed up his pay and he had no money until Wednesday. I ignored that email because if ever there was an "Intro to Asking for Money in the Next E-Mail" that was it.Yesterday, I heard from him again but only to argue about my thoughtlessness in not FedExing him 2 (yes, 2) loaves of olive bread. I said, it ain't gonna happen, let it go, etc. And that drama seems over.But now, lo and behold, I have just received another email, saying that he did receive his pay and he is ready to send me $100 to begin repaying his debt. Of course, saying he's going to repay and actually repaying are two different things, but given all of debt woes of the past two days, I am rather shocked by the offer. Maybe he's going to want to trade the $100 for olive bread? I don't trust him.