I’m sorry but grown women are not supposed to fight. That’s what the little cousins and nieces are for.

I say that in (sort of) jest but I do have to raise eyebrows when I read stories about women of a certain age, still bringing the ruckus in dank nightclubs. And of course, I’m alluding to TMZ’s story about 42-year old Chrissy Lampkin being arrested yesterday morning for aggravated assault and disorderly conduct after allegedly beating another woman down in a New Jersey bar. According to TMZ, the alleged beat down came after Lampkin got pissed that the alleged victim accidentally bumped into someone – after taking an unauthorized seat on the same lounge sofa they happened to be seated at.

I’m sure (hoping) that there is more to this story. However judging solely based on how Lampkin used to jump off on women, with virtually little provocation, during the first couple of seasons of “Love & Hip Hop: NY,” it is not hard to believe that she probably went a little HAM on the alleged poor girl. And if the reports are true, I have to say that this is a pretty sad situation for Lampkin as well. I don’t know about the rest of you grown women but fist-fighting seems kind of silly, just like a grown woman wearing ponytails and bangs – in the front and in the back.

Personally my need to aggressively compete, or what I swore at the time was my right to self-defense, wore off in my late twenties. The last time I remember it well: My very best friend and I were in the bathroom of well known Philly lounge, when these strange women approached us and asked my best friend if she knew a dude named Darnell? Of course she didn’t and that’s what we told the girl before walking back into the main lounge area. Ten minutes later, our new friends from the bathroom reappeared. This time, they sat on the other end of the couch and stared us down accusingly. We did our best to ignore them, although it was obvious they had no intention of being ignored. The ring leader started in again, “Are you sure don’t know Darnell?” It was a question but it was clear by her tone the answer was irrelevant. Needless to say, we were past the point of annoyance. Our egos were telling us to bait this girl on. After all, she and her corny goon-squad came over here looking for trouble. And ain’t no way, we are going to let them, get the best of us. But what exactly would we feel the need to prove? My best friend and I shared a similar glance. It was one of totally weariness and boredom. We were on the same page. And without even saying a word, my best friend and I got up, left that club and found a less contentious and friendlier place to party.

It might seem punk-ish to some but nowadays, I do my best to avoid fighting. Trust me, it is not out of fear of taking a loss. More so, it is really out of concern of the consequences. Like loss of employment. Or a messed up face and other permanent scaring. Or medical bills, or even being legally responsible for someone else’s medical bills. Or even prison. In short, fighting is for young girls and boys, who don’t have to pay fully for their lifestyles. That is not to say that I haven’t cursed out a deserving person or two – or several. And even through my thirties, I have even been tested to the point where I have threatened to put them paws on ‘em. However it never went any farther than that because I just wasn’t going to let someone have control over my emotions like that. And there is just as much power, and winning for that matter, in walking away as there is diving head first into an unnecessary “fight” that does more to harm you than it does to move you forward in life.

Plus, I really do believe that with age and experience comes wisdom. The wisdom to not only get better at picking your battles but also the skill of defense without having to Hulk-smash everything in sight. A nice eye roll and a shady comment for starters. Heck, walk away while theatrically, and publicly, declaring your obliviousness to why you mad. Trust, that bit of humiliation cuts way deeper than a punch ever could. Short of acting out on some of hormonal imbalance, food allegory, diabetic reaction or truly the act of self defense, the act of fighting in the club is just a matter of maturity – or lack thereof.

Comment Disclaimer: Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN

dhgwen

She seems like an angry woman who’s always looking for a knockdown drag-out fight… ‘cept with the man who’s been stringing her along for the last umpteen years… Even proposed to the grungy bum, embarrassing! She was mad at Yandi, Mama Jones, the chic who slept w/ her FRIEND’S MAN, Mona Scott-Young, etc. She seems to have a short fuse of hostility towards women but treats the non-committal Jim Jones like he hung the stars and the moon. Self worth is on E…

Dee

Children who never learned how to adequately express themselves fight. Grown ups who never learned how to adequately express themselves fight. The End

Nah

How about you shouldn’t be fighting at ANY age? People need to learn to sort out their problems with words. Violence in any form is NEVER the answer.

liarliar

I ha
ve always felt that Chrissy was a bully. She just have not met her match yet that’s all.

Kelly

I hope that she does time and as a result, black women start pressing charges against other black women for assault. We see these fights on reality shows and think that t s okay to put our hands on someone else. I really hope that this sends out the message to women that they can press charges against someone who touches them.

JazzyJazzyJay

I’m 22 and have never gotten into ANY kind of physical altercation. (I mean outside of the occasional fight with my sisters when I was young, which I feel doesn’t count lol) You should never be fighting. If your parents taught you well, then you know there are other ways to resolve issues.

Guest11

If you’re over the age of 12, you should have developed other reasoning mechanisms. If you haven’t then something is wrong!!!!

t_99

In my school district, there is a zero tolerance policy towards fighting, so now, not even kids should fight. Start a fight, get expelled and have your parents pay $30K a year for private school. Besides, we are not animals. Even animals in the wild don’t fight unless one is too stupid to back down. Even they know that getting hurt in a fight could affect their survival. Chrissy needs some counseling to figure out where all of her rage comes from. IJS.

Elle Forrest

She’s a classless idiot!

Live_in_LDN

Fighting is tacky when adults do it AND when children doit. Its never acceptable.

Sian Rose

At the ripe age of 37 I see no reason to put my hands on someone else. Unless I’m defending mine or my children’s life. Anything else the law or a simple “chat to mi back” will do

Girl57

Two, after that you should know better.

Just saying!!

The author just (intentionally or unintentionally) brought up a point though that I think explains it all. Adults don’t necessarily lose their desire to fight, they just become more aware of the consequences and are able to realize the consequences outweigh the reward or the thrill. I was never a fighter, but boy do I have my urges lol sometimes I wish I could without being the “ghetto hoodrat” or “classless” because some people really just need a nice good old fashioned whopping lol. But those consequences are there for a reason. If everyone did whatever they felt like doing the world would be even scarier than it already is!!

Just saying!!

Also to add to that, you don’t really want to give people power over you. Granted, some people do need a beat down (I think it’s fair to say if someone touches your child or someone you love you’re going to feel some type of way), but in terms of just daily altercations, you give people power over you every time you let them upset you. Keep the power!

provokethought

When you have definitely reached Chrissy Lampkin’s age (at the least)!

Exactly, BEFORE you reach adulthood, when you’re no longer too cute for a school suspension!

Dani

I don’t think you should fight at all. Avoid fighting if you can. I’m not going to lie I fought twice in my life. Once over foolish high school stuff and the other time when I was 19. I was at my old job and I had this horrible boss. That would expect you to work all of your hours but would short change you on your check. It’s pay day and we (ex co-workers and myself) wasn’t getting our pay check this week because the bosses’ cousin “forgot” to write the checks out. Me being a college student couldn’t afford to keep working like this. So I pulled my boss to the side to explain to him why I’m quitting. Long story short “cousin” snatched my arm and called me a ” stupid B***h N-word” and then spits on me. I LOST IT!!!!!!! You couldn’t tell me I wasn’t Ali that night. I’m getting a little upset thinking about it.

Dani

But like I said earlier… if you can walk away from a fight just do it because no matter the age we all should not try to physically harm anyone if it can be avoided.

FromUR2UB

Some people manage to go through life without ever being picked on or bullied. The bullies don’t even seem to notice them. If you were one of those people, then you were very fortunate. But understand, it’s not that way for everyone. The only thing that zero tolerance has accomplished is making it easier for bullies to bully, because they understand that people are penalized for stiking back. If simply walking away from a bully caused them to stop, then probably most people would make that choice. Instead, it emboldens bullies to take it further. Some people have turned things around through a sense of humor and made the bully laugh. But that’s not everyone’s gift. Do you recommend reasoning with the bully? Yeah, try that! Bystanders are usually not going to come to your defense, and even if they do, they can’t follow you around to ensure you’re protected. BTW, bullying doesn’t stop just because people become adults; there are some people who just don’t know how to mind their own business, and at least making them think they might get a butt kicking is the only thing they understand. But as an adult, you have a lot more to lose by fighting. So, yes, you have to walk away and find more creative ways of getting them off your back.

hollyw

Zero tolerance works to prevent bullying bc it also empowers parents to pressure schools with lawsuits now if their kid is roughed up but the school wants to adopt a “kids will be kids” mentality.

It’s not supposed to directly stop the bully from putting their hands on you. Once a parent cites the policy, the school is forced to either mediate, suspend, or evaluate the kid so that he/she can possibly be put in another setting with more capable staff. This helps the bully get the attention they need early on while also helping the bullied. Unfortunately, a lot of adults today did not grow up under this policy.

Able Neuro

“fighting is for young girls and boys” – HUGH? – This author obviously doesn’t get it; just like many fellow members of our race. “FIGHTING” is wrong at all times and leads to injury, prison, and/or death. How ignorant to say fighting is for the young when so many of our young are dying consistently and constantly from “being young and fighting.”

Lea

I think she just meant little kids.

Leah Robinson

I’m 21 and I’ve never been in a fight and proud of it! Violence should never be condoned but as a grown woman you should definitly know better.

Lea

Yeah I don’t get all this. Me and my friends don’t fight and never have.

coolyfett

You are never to old to fight…..Over a man!!.

FromUR2UB

18. But, I know some old grown women I would have beaten up if I didn’t think I’d get into a world of trouble for doing it.

hiswomanandlovingit

i get that a queen shouldnt swing but i am not gonna eat lumps cause someone else is salty. i will do everything i can to walk away but i’ll be judged by 12 before i’m carried by 6.

I think the better question is should we still be putting ourselves in situations where we may have to fight. Examples include nightclubs, strip clubs, and any other random hangouts.

Smh

Paul you are correct. I agree with that statement 100%. There are some people I can’t hang around at all. We grow up together but our lives went in totally different paths. If you were to hang around these folks, you would be subjected to the following: fightings, drug use, extreme intoxication, and any other negative thing you can think of. Instead of progressing, these people have regressed. They displayed better behavior years ago.

SugaSweetz

I had a friend that i grew up with and she still on the same thing we was on when we was 15. Your completly right your lives go in different directions. I cant be in the club no more fighting. Im 30 yrs old now aint nobody got time for all that. Some ppl jux dont grow up they mind frame is still on fighting and doing drugs and drinking.

Paul Dronette

LOL!! You brought up the most important point of this entire conversation. Thanks for reminding me. “Who ya wit”?? In other words, if you’re 5 deep and you know you’re hanging out with 4 belligerent individuals, you may want to find new friends.

Lea

I’ve gone out many a time and I’ve never had to fight.

yassbish

when you can be charged as an adult for aggravated assault and spend some hard time in prison missing out on freedom with family and friends for a 5 min beatdown

ericamissamerica

And there it is. Agreed.

JMO

Not to mention it can prevent you from getting a job since your record will follow you. I turn my nose up at grown people still fighting like a bunch of wild animals. Grow up smh

t_99

Exactly. I’m not doing anything that could have me spend 5 minutes in jail. The background check issue is real as I recently escorted a woman off the premises and had to terminate her employment because of it. She passed our corporate check, but the government one. She was desperate for a job and highly qualified, but there was nothing that I could do.