MAGICAL WORDS

For me that was this morning. I had just finished cleaning house. My hair was pulled back, I was wearing shorts and a sports bra and I stopped to look at my reflection in the mirror.

I broke out in tears.

Not only am I too broke to have my deflated breast implant fixed, I can't even afford to spend money on a chicken cutlet. It looks like I've had a unilateral mastectomy. I can only imagine what women who HAVE had that surgery must feel like.

Then there's the fact that I have been living with a tumor for nine years. It's grown well past the point I said I would let it get to before agreeing to have surgery.

I recognize the title of this blog post is bold. It's a lot to live up to, right? The reality is, I might fail miserably at writing this book...and I'm doing it anyway.

I'm claiming this position because it's what I want to create.

I have a deep desire to create something that gives me great joy, honors my unique gifts and experiences, and offers something useful to others. I've spent this morning writing, as I often do. But this morning, my birthday, I asked to be shown what there is to do now ... and what revealed itself to me is this:

The other stream is FEAR. It's cloudy, cold, loud, and draws you downward as if being caught in a whirlpool.

These streams flow within us and all around us. The former dictates the latter. Meaning, where we are within, so then is our outward experience. It is not the reverse.

To tap into the LOVE current one must be AWARE of the duality of Love vs. Fear consciousness. One must be HONEST about where they are now and OPEN to all possibilities. TRUST that Grace is by your side and be HUMBLE and THANKFUL for ALL that is present.

We CAN CHOOSE which stream to swim in... If you would like to swim in the current of LOVE...I will guide you to it.

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport

I've been feeling exceptionally needy lately. (Did I really just admit that??) I can't get enough attention. To the point I've been completely distracted from my work. I haven't written or really created anything viable in weeks. How's that for a #truthbomb ??

I've been relying on what I'm going to call "fast-food dating" (aka Tinder & Bumble) to sate my hunger for attention. It's no wonder I'm not experiencing the kind of deep connection I desire.

I knew April was going to be a month of upheaval and distortion but I wasn't prepared for just how wacky it would be or how much I would cling to what felt good. In addition to the astrological impact (have you read about the Scorpio full moon?) I've also started working with a shaman and a holistic doctor to continue my personal healing.

Let me tell you, this shit is *DEEP*.

What I've learned so far is that it's easy to ignore old wounds and seek validation and new "love" from others. It's not as easy to direct my attention inward and be with the wounds so they can heal... or give love and validation to myself.

But I'm working on it daily.

It's been about four months since the conclusion of my 5-year relationship with Matt. If you've been following my blog for sometime, you know that the biggest challenge for me was I didn't feel SEEN.

My desire (actually, this is a human need) for intimacy, connection, and sexual self-expression was all but unmet in that relationship.

So when I started dating again, I was showing up like: "SEE ME...SEE ME...SEE ME!"

Turns out that is NOT the best way to go about dating.

Talk about being 'needy'... and I consider myself pretty damn self-sufficient. I don't need a man to take care of me financially or in most other ways but I am recognizing my need for intimacy. And I get that freaks people out. At least early on...in a fast-food dating environment.

For a long time I've had the fear that no one would be able to see PAST the physical situation I'm dealing with. So when someone did, I got excited and hopeful and ...a little clingy.

I thought, "Here's someone who's willing to see me... (excited)... and so I'm gonna show him all of me...(premature)...all at once. (foolish)"

Dumb move.

I was oblivious to my overzealous need to be seen and validated that I completely overloaded the spark and short-circuited the connection.

My best girlfriend said it best when she said, "Colette, you're intense. And woo woo."

What there is to get here is the love, intimacy, and validation I seek I must find within and give myself.

I've made huge strides over the last eight years in overcoming issues with vanity, self-esteem, self-love, and self-expression - and it would seem there's more work to do.

So with regards to dating, for the time being, I'm just going to pin in it and circle back at a later date.

I'll use this opportunity to up-level the relationship I have with myself. I'll nurture and play with and love and explore what gives me pleasure - sans needing anyone else's validation, attention, or reciprocal participation.

I think this is an important part of being a healthy, happy human being. To be the source of our own self-worth and to unconditionally love ourselves - including our 'flaws' is a necessary foundation for being able to give and receive intimately with others.

I'm finding the relationship with Self requires as much (if not more) ongoing cultivation than the relationships we have with others.

If life truly is all about relationships, then having a super solid one with ourselves, ALL FIVE BODIES , is worth the investment.

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport

1. Men are actively seeking to improve themselves as sexual beings. You might think women are all about personal growth and development and for the most part you’d be right. But when it comes to sex, men are hungry to explore and expand their knowledge and skills. I have the privilege of being one of the first responders when men decide it’s time to evolve their capacity as sexual beings.

Of course, that’s not how most of my clients phrase it at first. The more common statement I hear is one related to “lasting longer” or “being better at sex”. As we explore the motivations for each person in their specific circumstance, the overwhelming majority of men get to the core of the matter and reveal the REAL driving force as something like “a deep longing to connect openly and freely with their partner”. In other words, they want intimacy. Intimacy is a common component in personal growth. It’s what allows us to truly be seen and heard by others.

We are literally naked, that is, physically. And when we match that nakedness with emotional and spiritual vulnerability something otherworldly occurs. We experience a timeless Ego-less presence to the miraculous being-ness that we truly are. Pretty cool. I suspect THAT’S the undercover culprit of men’s desire to improve themselves sexually. The rampant push to perform better is merely modern day cloak concealing a Universal truth -- we seek intimate connection.

2. Men find it difficult to speak to their wives about their sexual appetites or perceived lack of sexual abilities. When I inquire as to what keeps them from opening up or being vulnerable my clients reveal reasons ranging from fear and insecurity to not knowing how to talk about it. Sometimes they’ve been judged so harshly they have almost completely shut down the masculine sexual energy, or consciousness, that longs to be expressed. (btw, women have masculine sexual energy, too)

When it comes to being intimate and vulnerable, we are required to “take off the mask” of the Ego. But the Ego fights to keep itself intact. After all, it’s this contrived character that we identify with and so if we relinquish that sense of ourselves, who are we? Great question. But it’s one we perceive as so immense and existential that we shy away from it. Who has the time or bandwidth to solve such a riddle?

In today’s culture we rely on celebrities and magazines and corporate, government, and religious officials to tell us who we are. The problem with that is they are all in the business of manufacturing the truth (to maintain status quo) rather than revealing it.

So at best, we’re mindlessly following false images and at worst we’re being manipulated into being disconnected, dissatisfied and diseased.

This is especially true when it comes to sex. When men are “told” who they are supposed to be (at work, in society, or in the bedroom) they develop a relentless pursuit of accomplishing that in order to live up to who they think they should be. The trap being it’s a false image. It ain’t the truth. The reality is men and women alike are gifted with unique desires and a natural appetite for sexual self-expression.

The contrived characters and manufactured false images suggest one thing and the masculine sexual energy (aka consciousness) desires another. Conflict ensues. The result is men are uncertain or fearful of speaking to their wives about sex. And I think it’s safe to draw the conclusion that this unfortunate challenge is true for women as well.

3. Men crave compassionate loving non-sexual touch. When presented with the offer to enhance coaching with relaxation practices (meditation, breath and energy work, and therapeutic massage), 96% of my clients opted to do so. Why? Because they’re stressed the fuck out. Again, why? Refer to number two above.

We are all stressed out trying to live up to a manufactured ideal. And for some, the concept of compassionate loving non-sexual touch is foreign. The powers that be would have us all believe that human touch implies sexual intent and therefore a performance of some sort is required. That just reinforces the mask of the Ego or the drive to differentiate ourselves from one another and the source of our being.

It is a great privilege of mine to introduce people to a powerful healing and nurturing practice. This practice, when done with a crystal clear intention, can be very intimate and non-sexual. As a bonus, I encourage my clients to share the practice with their sweetie...and see what depth of connection results.

4. Men and women could use an an advanced education in being human. The sexual phenomenon I observe is this: People are dissatisfied and disconnected and, quite frankly, dis-eased because they think sex is an ACT to be measured and rated in terms of performance. Collectively, there’s also a rampant belief that sex is all about certain body parts.

How many people do you know, that when it comes to sex and sex appeal, compare body parts? Guys will go on and on about being a boob- or butt- or leg-man. And women talk about their satisfaction relative to the size of a man’s penis. What’s with the superficiality? Oh, right. That’s what’s being sold to us via the media and those in “power” who’re making a buck off that shit.

Here’s the deal, sex is NOT an act, it is not measurable, it’s most certainly not a performance AND it involves the entire HUMAN BEING (not just penis and vagina and couple other body parts). The pervasive perspective creates a lot of frustrated and disengaged people. How do I know? Read the title of this article again.

So what, then, is sex? Sex, or more specifically, the sexual body is a part of who you are. It contains both masculine and feminine energies. It’s one of 5 bodies that make up the human being. What are the other 4? I’ll save that for another day. But rest assured, I am here to expose the truth!

5. Women are into Tantra. OK, my sample is a little skewed but every woman I work with expresses a desire to experience more. More of themselves, more of their partners, more intimacy, more pleasure, more fulfillment in their relationship and life. That’s what Tantra has to offer.

My personal mission is to amplify passion, pleasure, and play in the bedrooms of people everywhere by supporting integrity, harmony, and vitality in each of us. Coaching, teaching tantra and writing about sex and relationships are my tools. Although my practice thus far has been built by men seeking to overcome challenges pertaining to masculine sexual energy I believe feminine energy (aka REAL power) will restore the harmony that they and our culture long for. When understood, sexual energy has the potential to create sustainable joy, connection, abundance, and ecstasy. And not just sexually. If we have the power to create NEW LIFE unconsciously, imagine what we can create when we are conscious and responsible and are no longer slaves to false images and contrived characters.

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport

I envision a world where a DEEP UNDERSTANDING of our human nature allows us to open up to ourselves and others with EASE. We connect to the GREAT LOVE that encourages us to tune into our masculine and feminine energies, LETTING GO at once of judgement and expectation, and we AUTHENTICALLY APPRECIATE the strength, beauty, sensuality, creativity, and INSANE FUCKING HARMONY of our breath, body, mind, and spirit.

Colette Davenport helps healers, empaths, and creatives get their magic back. By ending their secret addictions and self-sabotage, clients gain the clarity, confidence, and direction to take their lives to a whole other dimension. Colette is an international coach and speaker, a published author, and the founder of Badass Empath Academy, the school for gifted people.

“Over the course of 25 years, I've had the honor of helping people heal themselves of chronic illness, reestablish intimacy in sexless marriages, turn struggling businesses into profit-generating ones, and leave the 'safe' job (or relationship) they loathed for a life they LOVED. This is my calling.” — Colette Davenport

Colette Davenport

Colette is an international speaker and coach + master empath who helps sensitive souls get their magic back. Her new book, Get Your Magic Back: Emotional Mastery for Empaths, teaches her signature 4-step process for ending anxiety, depression, and addiction.