Adventure-ing: Party Time

Now that my very first house party as come and gone I have some thoughts. You are not shocked by this are you? Because this is why you’re here. You live for this shit (ok maybe that’s a little strong, but hey – I give you that 5 minutes of distraction while you’re at work and that’s good enough for both of us).

First – prepping a party is amazing for two things: cleaning your house and finally getting to those projects you’ve been putting off for months. You could eat off my bathroom floor if you wanted to. Also, I dare you to try and find some dust. You won’t, because it’s not there. We are a dust free zone! At least until next week.

Second – there is nothing like the possibility of a lot of people coming over to your house to immediately turn you into your mothers. As I hurriedly changed the hand towels that were hanging in our bathroom 15 minutes before we expected people over was the exact moment I realized it: there is no escaping the cleanliness neurosis I experienced growing up.

“People are coming?! Where’s my Dyson!”

(My parents have a Dyson… it really doesn’t ever lose suction, I swear.)

And third, I have some Lauren Approved Party Guests Rules to Live By (So As To Avoid Being a Total A-Hole):

… I promise these will come in handy…

It’s totally ok to RSVP “No” to an invitation (E-invite or real life paper invite or even word of mouth invite). If you don’t think you’re going to make it, or you just don’t feel like making the trek… say no. It’s helpful for the host so they don’t spend $100+ on booze when they really just need 2 bottles of wine and a 6 pack.

Please RSVP in general, instead of never responding (which I have been guilty of in the past, and I promise from now on I will NEVER DO AGAIN). It’s really annoying and makes me feel like a nag when I have to ask, “so, uh, do you think you might be coming? no? yes? I really don’t mind either way! I mean, no pressure or anything, I just wanted to check in with you… thanks.” No one wants to be in that situation.

Let’s all remember that if you don’t think you can make the full time commitment of a party, it’s totally acceptable to drop in for 1-2 hours. Stop in, say hi, hang out for a bit and then take off. This isn’t a sleep over, you’re not in it for the long haul. So if you have other things to do, or are tired, or just don’t feel like being around a ton of people but have already said yes to going, suck it up and make an appearance. The hosts will really appreciate the effort.

If you’ve said yes to going to a party (function, soiree, what have you), and you suddenly can’t make it the day of, let the hosts know before the start of the party. 3+ hours after the party has started is too late, and you look like a jerk.

And! For the love of God! If you RSVP Yes to a party and then just decide NOT to show up and NOT tell anyone that you won’t be there, then you are a punk and won’t be invited over again. Plus, you suck because you didn’t get to try my awesome homemade chocolate chip cookies, so … there.

Now then, I’m sure there are parties I’ve said I would go to and then didn’t go. I’m sure… although I can’t think of being invited over to someone’s house and then just… not going. I get anxious about social things, I worry about what to wear, about not knowing anyone, about being a loser and standing in the corner and everyone noticing that I’m not talking to anyone… it goes on and on and on. But! Social events are like going to the gym. The hardest part is putting your shoes on, and once you’ve done that, you’re 3/4 there. Get out the door, bring a bottle of wine (or in our case… Chicken Wings (nom)) and your happy face. It’s going to be fine, and the hosts won’t feel like losers because no one came to their party and now they have 23 bottles of beer they probably don’t even like sitting in their pantry. You will have saved them from slight embarrassment and anxiety just by showing up for an hour.

We can all be better at this, we can all be more considerate, myself included. Now then, who wants a beer? I have a few to spare…

52 thoughts on “Adventure-ing: Party Time”

Awww. Sounds like you had a bit of the party-hosting anxiety. For some reason, that never happens to me. It’s the party-attending anxiety that I get. And that’s only when I’m going to a party alone. I’ll be all excited right up until the point that I get to the point where I’ve parked my car and have to walk up to their door. I can’t see anybody going in. Maybe I’m in the wrong place! What if I’m too early? Nobody expects anybody to arrive on time, right? It’s going to be weird that I arrived on time. Oh god, what if I’m the first person there? What if this is the wrong night? Maybe it’s the wrong night! It could be the wrong month. Maybe I should just go back home now.

I totally get the “Oh my god am I at the wrong door?!?!” anxieties. Sometimes I camp out and wait until someone else that looks like a party go-er goes to the door. Hahaha. Or I get places like 30 min early because I’m worried their will be traffic and/or terrible parking and/or I may miss a bus or it may take 3 hours to get somewhere… you never know!! So I’m usually sitting in my car listening to music for a good 20 minutes. 🙂

For the record, I’m totally into people showing up early. You just have to realize that I’m not going to be dressed, the house will not yet be put back together, and I’ll probably have you stir something.

That being said, I think some of my favorite party times have happened when that’s going on (either at my party or someone else’s)!

I almost thought about waiting to bake the cookies until about 30 minutes before the party so that 1) I was kept busy and there would be less fretting and 2) I thought maybe it would be fun and festive. But then of course, I was like NO! ALL THINGS MUST BE PERFECT! But next time… I may switch things up because you’re right. It is really fun when people come over during prep.

That being said, having had this happen to me, I learned a couple things:

1. BEER KEEPS. Well, mostly. We had somewhere around 60 bottles of beer left over (20-ish people RSVPed. My friends cancelled (with legit reasons) day before or day of. Jon’s friends just didn’t show. Asshats. 2 showed total. We LOVE them.) … and we’re still drinking it a year later. Only one bottle tasted funny, and that was because it’d been moved to the friged and back to the pantry repeatedly. Gross. So basically, you’re good for a year, anytime you have anyone over.

2. All night I kept thinking “they must think we’re such losers” about the couple that DID show. Turns out, as they were leaving the guy turned to his fiancee and said something along the lines of “Wow, people are assholes. I had a good time.” So, you know, it’s best to just have fun with the ones who are there.

Big hugs, lady. We should have a real party that we all come to, and show those jerks what they’re missing. I’m glad you guys still had a good time!

I’m kinda pissed that those people who COULD be there didn’t show up because, ummm, I would have come and we would have partied our faces off. Jerks.

I’ve been there though. I really like Lauren’s (Suburbalicious Lauren) idea of a NY day party, but I’m afraid that no one would show up. Or, I love to play board games and would love to have people over to do that, but what if no one shows up and then Pat and I find out how difficult it is to play Apples to Apples with only two people?

Apples to Apples is SUCH a great party game. We’ve had some epic nights that revolved around that game. One time, somebody brought these little nerf guns (where the nerf “bullets” had the suction cups at the end) and every round the person would choose a winner (who’d recieve the green card) and a loser, and we’d all get to shoot the loser with the nerf guns. it. was. awesome. especially b/c at one point, a bald guy got a nerf bullet stuck to his forehead…

yeah, there are always people who do that. ALWAYS. And i just have no idea what they are thinking. Especially when it is more than a “hey, wanna come over and hang out?” It just shows that some people can’t think of anything beyond “how does this affect me?”

I always RSVP to things because i know how it feels to be on the recieving end of silence. And i think the same holds true for weddings- once you plan a wedding and wait on those RSVPs, you will never. ever. delay or forget to reply to other weddings. ever.

yup, coming an hour and a half late to thanksgiving dinner is a huge no-no. the turkey ends up chillaxing, drying out, and everything is getting cold… and then we say eff it, and start eating, and THEN they show up and its awkward. Lame.

For the record, I would have totally been at your door two minutes post party start! And! I have all the same feelings regarding lateness/flakiness. And my husband has exactly ZERO consideration for these things. (So in reality, I’d probably be at your door two hours post party start. But dammit, I’d be there eventually!) It makes actually going to the parties not so much fun at all. We always end up arguing and running late. So… if you have tips for that, I will, in fact, LIVE for your blog!

For real. My bf is much more lax about “Hey, I’m tired and had a long day and I’m not up to it let’s just skip it.” Making him make the phone call explaining we are going to be late/not coming usually does the trick.

I have an idea for how to prevent this from ever happening again: You move to New York and we party every weekend together and never worry about social anxiety again.

…

Truth be told – our Halloween party was basically snowed out a few months ago, so I also have experience with the whole “bought enough drinks for a kegger with 60 people and then ate pizza with the six friends (or, um, 4 friends and 2 schoolmates who I had met three weeks earlier) while talking awkwardly on the couch” thing.

…

Which is to say that both our parties would have had more than enough people if we just lived near each other.

I’m sorry to hear that some of your peeps were lame. I honestly think that hosting an under-attended party is the adulthood rite of passage that nobody talks about. I’ve hosted a no-show, and then in talking about it, learned that others have dealt with the same thing. It just doesn’t come up in conversation every day. 😉

I am so incredibly grateful for the people who did show up! They are some of my favorite people and we had a GREAT time sitting around chatting, eating chicken wings, donuts, cookies, and drinking. I’m really grateful to them. 🙂

Yup, I think it totally is. I have been there. I used to host Wednesday-nite-before-Thanksgiving parties in my hometown until the year that no one showed up. And then I just gave up on them. Womp womp.

At least we know that if ALL ELSE FAILS, there will ALWAYS be at least 6 of us at our parties 😉 Except for my NYE party…because people make plans months in advance for that shit. Fail on my part. Cant wait for the Cheese par-tay (of 6!) Holler!

Oh oh I am sorry this happened….
Some people are just not formal, and I don’t even know how to justify it.
But be happy for the ones who were there, and well, more cookies for you guys and the lucky ones who came.
It all looks like fun !

I think that the sadist thing ever is that the people who need to read this, won’t, because they are too busy accepting invites and not showing up, because they have something better, can’t really commit, or that they are just assholes and figure that no one ever really puts that much energy into a party so it doesn’t matter if I show up or not. WRONG. The best part of this is that you did it, made it special for our Kamel and for the friends that did show up… good on you. My “Daddy protection” mode went into action and I would love to meet the people that said yes and then didn’t show. I would love to give them a good talking to. Adults don’t treat other adult’s like this. O.K. enough of the DB words of wisdom. I love the pictures and I love the fact that you did this. You are two of my most favorite people ever.

It’s not hard, people. *Especially* with an E-vite. Just click the yes or no button. It’s part of being an adult in a functioning society. You RSVP!

(Clearly, when I actually get to planning the wedding, the RSVP thing is going to be what drives me over the edge.)

“It’s totally ok to RSVP “No” to an invitation”
SO true. I have only just forced myself to be ok with this. I used to be the person who would say, “Well, we have 2 other parties we’re supposed to be at that night, but we’ll totally swing by for a little bit!”. No. Just say no. For the sake of everyone’s sanity.

Tangent–why do people think it’s bad to say no to party invites? Does society teach us it’s bad to say no? Must ponder…

Oh, also? One thing the fiance and I battle over all the time–if you commit to attending something, YOU ATTEND IT. Even if you don’t particularly feel like it that day. Suck it up, throw on those shoes and get out the door!

Society TOTALLY teaches us it is terrible to say no to things and let people down (or is that just me?) because clearly I am struggling with this all of the time.

And I think it’s part of the internet phenomenon of “everyone is having a good time without me.” If you look on facebook any night of the week, at least 1/2 your feed is people going out to dinner with friends, meeting people for drinks, planning something, excited for travel, posting photos of themselves at sporting events. And you know where I’m checking up on these people who are doing stuff? FROM MY COUCH.

So when we get invites people are like EEEEE INVITES!! MUST GO MUST SHOW I AM WORTHY. Must not disappoint anyone! Must be a friend to every single person just in case!

Yes! To all of this and the comments! So evident lately, in this season of holiday parties too. I went to a baby ‘sprinkle’ this past Saturday afternoon and it was intimate and cozy with only 5 other people there because everyone else was “busy.” And the expectant father (who I know through work) has thanked me at least 3 separate times during the day today. Thanks for what? For going to something that I said I would? Uhh…of COURSE.
I’d also like to second the lazy-partner-thinks-its-okay-to-bail. We have a get-together this weekend that is a long drive for us, but! we said we’d go and we know they’d appreciate it. If one of us were sick or had something come up, maybe, but just to foreshadow that you won’t “feel like it” isn’t enough reason for me. Sorry. I’m of the suck-it-up camp.

Oh man, I WISH we could’ve gone to your party this weekend. Instead we went to a (very good) friend of mine’s housewarming, and honestly, it was kind of a mess. Her guests needed a kick in the ass of a different variety. We got there early and were helping to set up, etc. but by the time dinner was ready, we were leaving because a) guests smoking pot in a windowless living room of a 700 square foot NYC apartment crammed with about 50 people is NOT OK, and b) eating the piping hot food coming out of the oven of a 700 sq ft NYC apt crammed with about 50 ppl and filled with pot smoke is NOT appetizing. So we headed off on the hour drive home glad that we’d filled up on cheese and crackers while preparing the platters. Maybe I’m just lame, but I’m really OK with embracing being a grown up and declaring that there’s a time and a place for certain activities.

Oh, we’re right there with you. We would have been skipping out and waving goodbye because apparently we’re old and fussy. But I require some sort of outdoor area for the comfort of the other people there for that kind of stuff. No thank you.

that was the worst part! there was an outdoor area–at least the building had a shared back courtyard where everyone including Scott was going down to smoke [their cigarettes]. i had gone down with him to get some air and when we came back up the apartment was filled with a different smoke! ugh, people.

Oh my fucking God, people who just decide not to RSVP to a party at all are my BIGGEST pet peeve. (Followed closely by people who say they are coming and then don’t show up.)

I recently threw a bridal shower for which half the guests didn’t respond and by the time the RSVP deadline had come around, the bride was so stressed about wedding stuff that I felt like I shouldn’t bother her for the emails/phone numbers of the missing respondents (because who wants to hear the week before their wedding, “Hey, half your friends are total asshats who can’t be bothered to let me know if they’re coming to celebrate your shower”?). So we overcooked and overspent and I swore off ever sending paper invitations for anything ever again because people don’t deserve them. The end.

Ha! Thanks. 🙂 I just followed the tried and true tollhouse recipe, on the back of the milk chocolate morsel bag. And I like my cookies chewy so I made sure to not over cooke them. Some of the lesser cooked one were hard to get off the parchment, but all in all they turned out really well! 🙂

Oh good lord yes, especially to one and two. Some of my friends got the invite text, gmail invite and facebook event. (It was easier then trying to figure out who I have on email but never checks it, or never checks facebook, etc.) I still had to call and nag an rsvp out of them. So annoying.