Post-hurricane landscape – how is a person to cope?

He and his wife had been planning to build a home on their property in lower St. Bernard Parish.

“People hear about the disaster

on the news, but they can’t know

the sort of wreckage it’s caused

in your life or the lives around you.

You see it, touch it, smell it.”
International Bible Society booklet

“Suffering … cannot be explained or solved with words. …

The mystery of pain and suffering can only be

answered with a life that refuses to despair, refuses to hand one more
victory over to the forces of No, but instead makes itself an
instrument of Yes, gives itself in love and compassion to alleviate
pain and suffering.

We may be driven to speculate upon, brood over, agonize over the problem of suffering, but ultimately and essentially, we are

to make ourselves instruments of its alleviation.

That is what Jesus did. This is what we are to do.”

Edna Hong

“Our challenge is to have faith –

in failure, in success,

in whatever life brings.”

Jean Blomquist

C. Lacy Thompson

LBM Associate Editor

He and his wife had been planning to build a home on their property in lower St. Bernard Parish.

For the time being, they were living in a trailer on the land. He was a
shrimper. She worked for the military in the area.

Their two children were in school. They were surrounded by family and friends.

Now, they reside in northern Louisiana where she was
able to be reassigned to serve in the wake of Hurricane Katrina.
There is no family there.

There is no dream of a home.

There is no life as they once knew it.

It is a story played out in a thousand different ways – families
uprooted, torn apart, left without one member or another; dreams
deferred, denied, dissolved in the wind and water of Hurricane Katrina
or Hurricane Rita; possessions scattered, destroyed; recovery slow,
tedious, unsure.

It is as if all of South Louisiana is living on edge these days.

“There’s a lot of sadness, a lot of frustration, a lot of people who
feel like they don’t know where they are headed with their lives,” says
Bart Grooms, a counselor with the Samaritan Counseling Center branch at
Dawson Memorial Baptist Church in Birmingham, Ala.

All in all, that adds up to grief – over the loss of a loved one in the
storm, the loss of property and possessions, the loss of a dream or
plan, the loss of security.

Even for persons of faith, the post-Katrina and post-Rita world can be
a trying place of frustration, anger, depression, guilt, despair and
discouragement.

How is a person to cope?

How can another help?

First, it is important to embrace the reality of the situation, experts agree.

“There is no way to bypass the grief and sorrow when tragedy strikes
your life,” notes Eugenie Wheeler, a licensed clinical social worker
and author.

Indeed, one must identify and deal with the various emotions – and
there will be many – that emerge in a post-disaster time. As in any
grief situation, the emotions will vary, as will how they affect
persons.

But what does not vary is the need to allow oneself the chance to grieve.

“Grieving means letting yourself feel the anguish – not suppressing
it,” Wheeler says. “It means sharing it, talking about it, crying about
it and allowing yourself to go through the various stages that grief
encompasses – which may include shock, denial, guilt, anger, depression
and, finally, acceptance of the situation and moving on to the next
phase of life.”

Of course, that is not an easy course – and some may try to short
circuit it, experts explain. However, now is not the time to submerge
one’s grief in sleep, substance abuse, food, busyness or some other
form of activity, they warn.

Indeed, a key way to struggling through the grief process is to turn to
others – family, friends and professional counselors, if necessary,
experts note.

Of course, families especially are key – however, friends also can help fill the gaps of one’s life as well.
One of the natural emotions – and fears – in times of upheaval is that
one will be abandoned. Friendship can counter that in a powerful way.

“Stripped of all its other definitions, a friendship affirms that we
will not be abandoned, …” author Robert Veninga says. “The first gift
of friendship is companionship. … The second is a gift of hope.”

Grooms agrees.

“A time like this is definitely a time for you to be in touch with your
support community, whoever they are and wherever they are,” he says.
“Visit them, call them, however you need to stay in touch.”

Of course, it may be that one needs to consult
professional help as well. One must not hesitate to do so, experts
stress.

“You cannot allow our feelings to become a festering sore within you,”
Grooms says. “Feelings don’t have to be expressed in a dramatic way,
but they have to be acknowledged and dealt with.”

In addition, to seeking the connections of family, friends and others,
those affected by disaster can take personal steps to deal with surging
emotions.
Wheeler urges persons to “cultivate hope” however they are able to do so.

“Now is the time to rekindle your will and purpose by reviewing what
you have in your life that has – or could have – meaning,” she says.
“Do you have people whom you care about deeply? Can you motivate
yourself to take better care of yourself? Are you willing to examine
your inner dialogue and work on turning any negative messages into
positive ones?”

This stage of recovery may involve talking about one’s feelings, taking
time for relaxation, doing something positive, accomplishing something
small.

The National Center for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder suggests what they call a daily FILL-UP:

• Focus Inwardly on what is most important to you and your family today.

• Look and Listen to learn what you and your significant others are
experiencing, so you will remember what is important and let go of what
is not.

• Understand Personally what these experiences mean to you, so that you
will feel able to go on with your life and even grow personally.

Grooms speaks along the same lines, reminding
persons that a disaster actually offers an opportunity for growth.

“This is an opportunity to engage in prayer and reflection, to live in
the silence and be curious about where God is leading you,” he says.
“Now is the time to realize your life will go on but where it will go
on? In what way will it go on? What should my priorities be now?

“One needs to think and pray about such things, and I’m talking about
the type of praying where we spend more time listening to God than
speaking.”

In a disaster such as a hurricane, which destroyed so many homes, it
also provides a chance to examine the role possessions plays in one’s
life, Grooms says.

“All of us, to some degree, identify with our possessions,” he says.
“That’s probably a sinful attitude, but I’m as guilty of it as anybody
else. …

“In a situation like a hurricane, we have a chance to make a
distinction between our possessions and ourselves. Here is the
opportunity to examine to what degree we have identified with our
‘stuff.’”

Eventually, one will begin to move forward through the landscape of
emotions, experts note. Then will come the time to let go of the past
and embrace a new life and a new dream of life, they note.

“Staying passive fuels depression, while taking action raises your
self-esteem and generates feelings of power and hope,” Wheeler notes.
“Learn what you can from your adversity, then move on to find new
purpose.”

Getting to that point is not easy – but it is possible, Wheeler and others note.
And the church can provide valuable help at this point, Grooms says.

“This is an opportunity for us in the church to open our hearts to
people in need, to reach out, to care for those who have lost a lot, to
listen to them as they grieve, …” he maintains. “We can welcome
people into our communities. We can care for them. We can form groups
to go and rebuild. … A lot of Baptist people are reaching out. …
This is good work, a response to what God is calling us to do, to be
loving to our neighbors.”

The church also can lead the way in examining the issues of poverty and
justice the recent hurricanes have uncovered, Grooms notes. But the
immediate key is to meet those affected by the storms and enter their
world, he notes.

That means listening to them, he says.

“Trauma does not affect everybody the same way,” Grooms says. “We have
to be caring and loving and recognize that not everybody is the same.
We don’t all come from the same place.

“So, part of what it means to be Christ to each other is to be able to
say – ‘I really see how hard this is for you, and I’m here for you. I’m
here with you.’”

With that kind of support and help, true recovery – for a community and
individuals – is possible, experts say.

“Be encouraged, for you can take control of your response to tragedy,”
Wheeler says. “Not all at once and not without relapses, but in time,
you can view crisis as an opportunity for learning and growth.

“You will rekindle hope and faith and move confidently into a new
chapter of your life. And your new life will be especially rewarding,
for you will have discovered and developed resources within yourself
that you never knew existed.”

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Editorial

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