Will Middlebrooks was called up to step between his brother, Donnybrook, Bobby Valentine and Youuuuuuuuuk. Youuuuuuuuuk said, “Ow, my back hurts, I need the DL,” Valentine said, “Just wrap yourself in lavash, that makes everything better.” Donnybrook erupted in a public place because of needling from Sawx fans and Will Middlebrooks hits a lot of homers in the minors. Hello, Will, you be staying for dinner? I’ve prepared a nice spot at the corner spot. Please disregard the Rays embossed flatware that I have there; it was for someone else. This year in 23 games in Triple-A, Middlebrooks hit 9 homers and stole three bases. Last year, he hit 18 in Double-A in 96 games and 7 in 17 games in the low minors. Yesterday, he went 2-for-3 and stole a base. He strikes out way too much currently with little to no walks for him to come close to putting up a good average over the long haul. But long hauls are why you pay movers on Craigslist. You’re looking at short term if you lost Longoria and, for that, I say grab him in AL-Only and deep mixed leagues. If you’re in a league where you can grab Alvarez or Chris Davis, then I’d go with them right now. And, no, I never thought I’d be saying that a month ago. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Josh Beckett – Beckett will only miss one start due to his lat soreness. Lat’s all, folks.

Mark Prior – Signed by the Red Sox. Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent desperation.

Mat Gamel – Just when he was finally proving that with playing time he couldn’t hit, he torn his ACL and will miss the season. Mark down 2013 as the season Gamel can truly disappoint. With Travis Ishikawa, the Brewers planned for the worst with their 1st base backup, and by that I don’t mean they planned ahead, I mean they literally planned to have the worst backup.

Corey Hart – Due to their aforementioned planning, the Brewers hit grounders at Corey Hart, acclimating him to first. He said, “I might sneak in there…” What are you a ninja? Weeks throws it over to Ishikawa– Bam! Corey Hart just snuck in and grabbed the throw.

Ryan Braun – Might need a day or two rest after leaving yesterday’s game with a sore Achilles. Hopefully, he doesn’t have a doctor who stutters because instructing him that he needs to “heal heel” could get confusing for all parties.

Cory Luebke – Lands on the DL with elbow soreness. I want to think good thoughts here and say he’ll be fine when his DL stint is up and he’ll only miss a few starts, but I can’t say that because he’s a pitcher with pitching elbow soreness.

Chipper Jones – 3-for-6, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer. Glass Chipper said yesterday that it’s a daily decision on whether he can play or not on his knee. And here I thought he woke up on Thursday and said, “I think I’m gonna have a sore knee on Tuesday.”

Brett Gardner – Shutdown from baseball-related activities for a few days. No spitting or grabbing your crotch for you!

Ryan Zimmerman – In case you missed it, Zimmerman’s return date was bumped from Sunday to Tuesday. Here’s Zimmerman at the Genius Bar, “Hey, for some reason I marked my iCal down to give me a reminder to have an injury setback every day at 2 PM, and it’s not showing up until 4.”

Roy Halladay – 5 1/3 IP, 8 ER. That’s like the pitching equivalent to what Pujols has been doing for the past month.

Carlos Ruiz – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 7 RBIs and his 4th homer. 7 RBIs is more than some of my teams have combined all week. I will now squeeze myself into an industrial-sized microwave.

Kyle Seager – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and 2 homers. In our AL-Only team where we lost Longoria, we had Seager back him up. With back-ups like that who needs front men? Am I right, last man standing on Blake Shelton’s team from The Voice? Though I’m simply rooting for “anyone but opera guy” to win.

Chris Johnson – 4-for-4 as he DIV/0#x’d his HR total with his first 2 HRs of the year in a 6 RBI game. He is a fantastic 3rd base play 8 times a year. If he could concentrate that in 1 week and give me a heads up, it would be appreciated.

Kelly Johnson – It was a good day to be a Johnson as Kelly hit his 6th HR while hitting leadoff for the first time this year. In retrospect, it’s odd that Bobby Cox hated this guy given their surnames are equally phallic.

Edwin Encarnacion – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs with his 9th homer. Coincidentally, this was the 9th time I sighed this season saying, “Why didn’t I draft Encarnacion?”

Jake Arrieta – 8 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks. Been having a hard time coming around on O’s starters, but Arrieta, like a true love or a really good sandwich, is giving me something to believe in. Two weeks ago, he was in the Buy, two and a half years ago Stephen wrote about him. Member Stephen? His picture looked like Alf blowing a bubble. Anyway, grab Arrieta. It’s good for your pancreas (and fantasy baseball team).

Nick Markakis – 2-for-5 and his 3rd homer. Sparkakis! Never has such a good rallying call been so wasted.

Jonathan Sanchez – 5 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 2 Ks as he outdueled Verlander, but Crow blew the win as retaliation for Sanchez’s bullpen-taxing short outings and his pranks in the bullpen that show an odd appreciation for Rollie Fingers.

Justin Upton – 1-for-3 with a slam & legs. One of the Upton’s knows how to satisfy his owners and surprisingly it’s not the one named B.J.

A.J. Burnett – 2 2/3 IP, 12 ER vs. St. Louis. Don’t mess with the Cardinals now that they got that Albertross off their team.

Carlos Beltran – 4-for-5, 2 runs, 7 RBIs with his 6th and 7th homers. Looks like Berkman bit Beltran and now he’s the new Zombino.

Brian Fuentes – Recorded the save because Balfour’s been ineffective and just threw 29 pitches the day before. I speculated on Ryan Cook, because at least he’s been good, but the A’s look like they went with a known (if crappy) commodity in Fuentes. Eh, Fuentes is just a dog with different fleas and if you think he’s good, you’ve been in the monkey house too long, as Tim Gunn would say.

Heath Bell – Zero recorded outs, blown save, ERA balloons to 11.74. In the next week, one of two things will happen to Bell: Cishek or Mujica will take over the closing job or he will be traded to the Red Sox.

Stephen Lombardozzi – 1-for-3, hitting .293 in the two hole. Hold on, I wanna call Ms. Cleo of the Psychic Friends Hotline. “Hello, Ms. Cleo?” “Hey, child, how you doing with your fine moo-stache?” “Good, Ms. Cleo, question for you. What do you see happening next week with Espinosa and Lombardozzi when Zimmerman returns?” “What a good question from such a handsome, young man! Next week, Zimmerman will return and Lombardozzi will take over 2nd base and Espinosa will be sent–” Sorry, I had to cut off before I was charged the extra $1.99, but she was about to say he’d be sent down. I think Ms. Cleo’s on to something.

Jered Weaver – Threw a no-hitter with one walk and 9 Ks. It was like he was facing nine Pujolses.

I have a dillema. I’m trying to stream a pitcher for tomorrow and have gotten the choice down to Voglesong V. Miami or Detwiler V. Arizona. They will be pitching with BrandonMorrow who ive locked. The other two are potential streamers for this spot.

@Prezii, Smyly’s interesting but he’s on Friday. I think JMAC is in a league where he can still pick up streamers for Thursday.

I think Vogelsong and Detwiler are both good streamer choices in a deep league, esp. since both are better at home. But in my gut I think I’d go with Detwiler. Unfortunately, neither is available in the deep league where I need streamers.

@grey: is a know-squeeze like the junior varsity version of sentimental masturbation? (see Carlos Ruiz, [i]supra[/i]] and do you need an industrial-microwave-sized receptacle to do it into, or would a dixie cup suffice? just a question…

@ASAOK, Might even be a wrist injury but they will know more later today. He had a major injury recently in his right hand but this is his left now. He didn’t get XRays last night but was seen with a wrist brace…….seems like good news he did not immediately go for XRays after the game.

Trade N. Cruz to get H. Ramirez? I would have Wigginton or (insert waiver-wire OF here) to play OF until Morse comes back. I currently have Gordon at SS…love the SB, getting annoyed with everything else.

you’re better off asking someone else .
all i know is that getz doesn’t play every day , and
though liddi does bat 4th , he does strike out a good bit .

are you in a daily league ?
maybe , with all of those (schmohawk) options available ,
you should consider playing match-ups .

my own experience with MI (including espinosa) has almost
convinced me to draft a good MI before a power-hitting CI ,
next year .
but Grey , i suspect , will tell you that’s just crazy talk , and
would recommend drafting a MI real late …. (like just before you
draft a catcher ) .

@Jack Full of Hate, I don’t like the opera guy either. I’m feeling very Jamared right now about my team. I think that is more fitting for how I feel. You know being better than most and getting screwed because you ended up on/with the wrong team.

I have traded Stanton, so don’t worry about the jinx. Anti-jinx has been applied.

Longoria to the DL, no good CI options available (no davis or alvarez), and an excess of SBs on my team thanks to one Jason Heyward. So I traded Stanton, Stubbs, and C Santana for McCann, Freeman, and Pence. I lost the trade unless Stanton’s knee and the Miami ballpark turn out to be a problem, so rest assured he’s fine.

Give Beltre + Headley, get Lawrie + ACraig/Choo/KMorales? 12team H2H keeper points. I have Moustakas/Aviles/Arenado left at 3B and Boesch/Gordon/Werth/Zobrist/Harper/Trout/Ellsbury/Young in the OF. Thanks!

WTF?!?! Usually I expect this kind of headline-stealing douchebaggery from ESPN, not Rotoworld, but did you see the headline of their lead column from this morning? (Published AFTER this post, I might add):

@Grey, he didn’t actually say Cishek is taking over… My hunch after watching last nights game is Mujica will be the closer… Cishek’ stuff isn’t very dominating, looks more inclined to producing groundball’s and getting out of jams…

I still can’t get excited for any Oriole. Remember last year, two weeks into the season, ESPN proclaiming ex-Seinfeld extra Buck Showalter a miracle maker after they started off actually winning a few games? How’d that work out for them?

Dooooode…..morning…..we starting Bedard ag. Cards tonight? I’m thinking not as Cards are mashing….
Also, Volquez, Capuano and Cahill (hereinafter “parties of the first part”) are giving me the parade wave on waivers (hereinafter “parade waivers”) and I’m rocking Bass, Detwiler, Milone and Niese (hereinafter “parties of the second part”) at the ass end of my starting rotation (also known as “the majority of my starting rotation”)….should I drop any of the parties of the second part for any of the aforementioned parade waivers who comprise the parties of the first part?
Yours etc.
Serch

Heath Bell came into the game to close out a 2-0 game and left leading 2-1 with runners on first and third with NO outs. Cishek may have the BS otter his name in, but he was brilliant. The tying score came on a perfect squeeze bunt Gregor Whiteo. After Giancarlo lasered one into the bleachers, Cishek closed out a perfect 10th with 2 Ks and a weak pop fly.

@Cahhhhh-stanza, I don’t know, man. Doc’s velocity is down, and he’s not throwing a mix of four-seam, two-seam, and cutter anymore. It’s pretty much just cutter now. If you’re going to lose 2 MPH you can’t also become more predictable.

1) Does Kendrys get to the point this year where he plays day in and day out? I’m weighing a deal of him for Berkman (since dual eligible at OF). I know the alleged depth of the Angels and the need to keep Vernon Wells’ bat is an issue for the Sciosciapath.

2) Was I the only one that cringed when Morales got into the post game “celebration mob”? The Angels need to file a restraining order restricting him from being within 500′ of those things.

VENT: Holy Crap! I feel like my team was the victim of a terrorist attack the last two days! Longoria and Luebke one day followed by the dreaded fllood of “red marks” last night! Braun,Upton,Sandoval in one night? Oh did I mention Morse hasnt played this year yet? There I was sailing along kicking everyones ass in my big money league –now its survival time! Got to love
Fantasy Baseball!

I am in a 20 team h2h dynasty league. Injuries have decimated my team. I figure this year is looking pretty bleak. Anyway I just got offered anibal sanchez for my ubaldo and motte. Sucks losing motte, but i am barely winning that cat anyway. Do I take this deal?

First of all… Amen to “rooting for anyone but opera guy.” That comment was simply awesome. I wish I voted for Christina’s creepy girl Bon Iver performance… it was awesome… but it is not awesome to vote for a reality singing competitions. It is awesome to watch and still be too awesome to vote.

On to baseball… which is the awesomest.

H2H League (10 Teams)
Bat Stats: R, H, HR, RBI, SB, AVG, OBP, SLG

The lack of power and number of caught stealing attempts from Rios this season is making me wonder if he’s worth it. Drop him for Luke Scott or hold.

When is it time to consider dropping Youk? These back injuries seem chronic. I managed to pick up both Alvarez and Davis (since my previous 3B and UT were Youk and Morneau). My bench is pretty much entirely filled with DL’d guys and in weekly H2H leagues I’m losing Ws and Ks because i don’t have enough bench pitchers. My DL has Howard, Krispie Young, Youk, and Santos.

In a league with limited moves and limited bench space because IP is a category so I keep zero bench hitters. My utility spots have been a weakness for me with Logan Morrison and Pedro Alvarez currently filling the void. Allen Craig is available and Mike Trout was just dropped. Which 2 out of those 4 players do you like best for the ROS knowing that they will have to be in my lineup everyday?

Maybe the reason why Hallday left an upper-decker on my team last night?

Roy Halladay (personal) is expected to return Friday.
Halladay was excused from the Phillies following his Wednesday night start to attend to a private family matter. But he won’t be gone for more than 48 hours. The 34-year-old right-hander has registered a 3.40 ERA, 1.11 WHIP and 29/10 K/BB ratio across 42 1/3 innings this season. He’s scheduled to take on the Mets on Monday

On the podcast when you were talking about getting a sound bite of “SAGNOF” in a sultry voice, I got a great idea. SAGNOF cologne – “what does speed, scrappiness and no power smell like? SAGNOF.” Think about the endorsement possiblities, bourne, pierre (for the older crowd), campana (for the Italians) – the possibilities are endless.

@Grey, thanks added samardziji had an open roster spot. Would you drop Mike Minor for any of the other starting pitchers. Maybe im over thinking with him but he didnt look very good last start against pitt

@royce!, Yes it was sliding into second. Almost identical to Longoria’s slide. Caught the back leg on the bag. But, didn’t get tangled up with the SS like Longo. We need to go back to the Pete Rose head first slide in order to avoid injuries…

Who’s your pick as a streaming option in a 14-team 6×6 roto league between Smyly (vs. CHW, Peavy), Vargas (vs. MIN, Pavano), and Bass (vs. MIA, Johnson)? I’ve got a pretty good pitching staff but have so far been weak in Ws, Ks, and ERA.

@ grey, I need to add a starter and am very intrigued by Anthony Bass, any thoughts

with Reimold uncertain and Crisp headed to the DL for an earache (I have Morse on the DL now with Lubeke DL’d and only one DL slot) I need to drop one of the three, Reimold, Crisp, or Boesch, also I lead my league in steals?

I fucking hate Bryan LaHair. I was 2 minutes away from grabbing him on Sunday before his game went off and locked my roster. Sure enough, he gets taken the next morning by the guy Im playing this week and has homered freaking 3 times already.

@Grey, I was watching the (Hockey) Rangers in that 3 OT playoff thriller… NBA playoffs are going on too. Flipped over to the Angels game after the Rangers won, saw the score in the 8th and turned it over to the SF game – not realizing he had a no-no going.

@Grey: I have Rios on my bench. Should i drop him and his boring production for someone like Seager to plug in at SS while Cozart figures shizz out, or grab someone like Goldschmidt, Parra, Alvarez, Johnson, Saunders, Boesch, Joyce, Scott?

Grey – longtime reader, first time commenter here! Need some help at corner infield with injuries to Youuuuk and Longoria.

Trying to buy Hosmer, but is Huston Street and Lance Lynn too much to give? I like Lynn but no way he keeps this rediculous pace, right? Street is bound to hurt himself brushing his teeth in the mornings too!

Guy in my friends league still eagerly trying to move Tex, now he wants an OF Guess his Met-fanness is coming out. Desmond Jennings is pretty hot right now and in that league (its HtH and OPS is a cat) his speed isn’t as big a factor, thinking of offering him. I’m kinda sick of Michael Young as my 1b tho I suppose he’s doing better than a lot of em. It would leave me a tad light on OF but if Krispie can come back in a few weeks I’d be fine there. Thoughts?

Apparently Ryan Webb is being thrown into the Marlins closer shituation, for those who haven’t picked up Cishek Cishells by the Cishore.

Now time for a mini rant, if anyone wants to throw in their 2 cents: My pitching staff isn’t all that horrible. On paper, Gallardo is my top guy. Somehow I’m first in wins, second in strikeouts and dead last in ERA. I technically can’t use the “it’s still April” excuse, but does anything need to be done here? I have Gallardo, Shields, Romero, Beckett, Minor, Drabek, and Milone. My relievers are Valverde, Rodney, Jansen, and Cishek. It’s a 10 team keeper so I also have Shelby Miller and Jameson Taillon stashed, and there are the usual suspects on waivers of guys like Kuroda, Buchholz, Liriano, McCarthy, etc. Package a couple guys to get a #1? 1500 IP limit and I’m projected to be about 50 over at this point. Thanks in advance!

@Poo Holes, Nice rant… I think you can use April for Gallardo, he was bad last April too and you still drafted him as your top guy. Shields, Beckett and Romero I had problems with in the preseason, still do, see rankings…

@Grey, @Grey, Actually, I didn’t even draft him, ha. Picked him up in a trade last year and the other guys were just kept from the year before. Somehow I swept all the pitching categories except saves, which I came in second. Would you sign off on offering two of those guys for St. Rasburg or Price? Too much? Not enough?

@3FingersBrown, I agree that Cano will come around. I also have Uggla to slide in to my 2B spot. I lose Fielder after this season and I can only keep Cano for 1 more year. This way I get Votto and Lawrie for 3 more years. Does that change anything or not?

@Grey, Ugh, tell me about it, there’s literally been nothing worthy of making the change. Raburn and Ellis are the only 2B that have been grabbed off the wire, yuck. Well, and I totally missed on Infante.

Plus, I convinced myself him+Mark Reynolds would equal some respectable stats. Now that I’ve rid myself of Reynold’s stink, Murph is dead to me. Thanks!

Lost Pablito today, I’ve got a trade on the block of Zobrist/Reynolds for C Davis/Infante. I understand Zobrist is the best player here but if Davis stays hot until Sandoval is back I’m good, and I’ll have Altuve at 2B w Infante backing up. Solid plan or panda flop?

just lost Panda. (hangin’ on fer dear life here with Braun and Hamilton… make it through, fellas! you’re alright!)

so now i have Larouche at my 1B and Swiggy at 3B, with Linda (<—- he hits like my aunt Linda) moving from my Util into CI. oof.

Helton, Carp, and Matt Carpenter all got dropped recently and are avail on waivers. there are no other CIs out there, and with injuries all over the emmeffing place, other managers in league are definizzly going to put claims on one or all three of them. thanks to my Latos claim earlier this week, i'm sitting last in the waiver order.

so my question is:

would you drop Linda for any of these three? all three? what order would you put a claim for these guys? like, would you go Helton #1 claim, then Carp with #2 claim, but don't put a claim in on Matt Carpenter bc you still like Linda better than him…?

I was approached for a CI. I have Pedro Alvarez and Moustakas. He offer Montero as a possibility and a pitcher. Do I want Montero over Alvarez? Do I try for Zimmermann or Matt Moore instead? Do I part with Moustakas?

@Grey: So I have a guy in the midst of trade talk in my 16 team H2H points league, and he has two pitchers of the level that I’m trying to trade for. I know how you felt about these guys going into the season, but has anything changed about your perception of Hellickson or Cueto? Of the 2, I should target Cueto, right?

Hows about a look at yet another have-to pick up for 3B!! Got some great guys(and maybe 1 girl) to choose from for a Longo & Pablo replacement. I was able to get CDavis and my choices are now Alvarez,CJohnson, Lowrie, and the guy at the convenience store down the street. Mr. Obvious says Alvarez but his AVG hurts, Lowrie is also SS eligible but he kinda stinks anyway. The guy at the store has no upside but(J-Lo sized) he plays a mean whiffle ball. Let me know what you think Grey(or anybody else)

@Chillmodious, Strike that. Was about to make a move and K-Rob got snatched between the time I selected him and pressed “confirm.” Sigh. Not speculating on Soriano, but if he happens to get the next save chance I’ll rush to grab him….if so, who’s the drop on that list?

I’m not sure Halladay’s struggles can be attributed to personal issues. He’s lost 2+ MPH in velocity, and he’s no longer throwing a near-even mix of 4-seam, 2-seam, and cutters; it’s pretty much just cutters now. If you lose that much velocity and also become much more predictable, you’re just not going to be as good as you were before.

I have a guy interested in Harper in a 12-team H2H points keeper league. You can keep 4 players for up to 3 years…I grabbed both Trout and Harper last week, so they can be kept for 21st round picks (very shallow benches which is why they were available). He has Holliday (3rd round) and Stanton (4th round) and seems willing to trade either for Harper straight up. Which one? Or hold Harper?

@Grey, Thanks. We’ll see if I hear back on the F-Her deal. Tough break on Mo. Here’s to hoping my ambulance save chasing ability worked out for me. I need something good for this team. We’re down in the dumps.