Haunting Los Angeles

Something escapes me about Los Angeles. Wherever I go, I always imagine I’m finally going to grasp its essence. I try to feel its harmonics in my bones. I watch the edges of the freeway to see if there is a clue in the debris the traffic sweeps to the sides. I wonder if there would be room for all these cars if they decided to find parking spots at once.

The iconic glimpses don’t help me in my quest — not the sudden view of the Hollywood sign I get from the Hollywood Freeway, not the view of downtown almost floating in the sunset from Pasadena. Every now and then, I turn a corner and think that something essential is about to be revealed. The feeling intensifies all the way up Venice Boulevard into Culver City, and then I’m on National taking one of those curious hidden freeway entrances and suddenly the feeling vanishes.

To say that this is a city of extraordinary facades is not the same as saying it’s a superficial place. But there are days when it feels as though these are all false fronts, put up so the real business of living can go on in the back, out of sight. It makes no difference how blank or familiar the facade.

I walked into a restaurant — strip-mall Chinese — that looked, from the outside, like it had been built yesterday. It was a grotto inside, dark and ancient, as ancient as anything in a strip mall can be. There was a fountain in the takeout area, and by one of its miniature waterfalls stood a small Santa Claus, looking as if he’d been waiting decades to be rescued.

If I had an extra lifetime to live, I’d live it here. I don’t mean one lifetime lived, in the usual way. I mean a lifetime living within a block or two of the insurance shop on Venice Boulevard with the wrap-around neon facade. Another watching cars turn off National onto the 10. Another sitting by Santa, seeing who comes and goes. Perhaps then I could grasp what always escapes me here. Then I’d know whether it was worth looking for in the first place.

A version of this editorial appears in print on May 9, 2010, on page WK7 of the New York edition with the headline: Haunting Los Angeles. Today's Paper|Subscribe