Thursday, March 23, 2006

First: Thanks guys, I really appreciate your support. Sharing the burden always makes it lighter. And it gives a warm fuzzy feeling to know that there are people out there who care.

Truth be told, by midday yesterday I was even considering canning this blog. Writing BiPolar Daily every day has been one of my few daily disciplines, but unfortunately nothing (and I mean NOTHING) escapes the ravages of this depression monster.

Yesterday I even considered having some more shock therapy. I've been saying for ages that I need some kind of paradigm shift. In fact, in a recent post I even used the words "I need a reality jolt". Extreme measures I know, but I swear if that would get me going for a while, I'd do it. Shit, I'd do it every 6 months if it kept the monster away.

But today I'm back up. Everything's clicking into place, I worked hard, took the dogs to the beach and saw the beauty in the world. Is this Extreme Rapid Cyling or what?

The official definition of rapid cycling is four or more distinct episodes of depression and hypo/mania a year. How about four or more episodes in a month? That's the kinda cyclist I am.

Looking back, I can see that 10 ot 15 years ago, the up and down waves were much longer. 2 years of fairly constant depression. 3 years of fairly constant high energy. So what went wrong? Does Rapid Cycling increase with age? Is it some of the meds I'm on?

Not sure what triggered the bounce back. Maybe you can only bounce when you hit the bottom of the ocean floor. As long as it's not a "Dead Cat Bounce". Investment professionals use this term for a stockmarket that crashes, briefly bounces back, and then resumes it's downward trend for months...

6 comments:

you know its interesting you bring that up- I had cycles that lasted years until I had a some serious tragic life events that threw me into a severe depression that I just could not get out of. I had ETC and ever since then I have been rapid cycling. I cycle every 2 - 3 weeks approx. I must say that I find that preferable because at least I know that the depression is not going to last for months and months at a time

My first manic episode came after a prolonged ten-month or so depression at age seventeen. Ditto with the second extreme manic episode about ten years later. I don't know if it's connected to age, but I'm due for another depression-to-manic switch, but I'm not even depressed yet. Maybe you should check out what's going on with your meds.

Bipolar Guy, I'm just so glad you're feeling better. And kudos to you for even knowing what your cycle is, because I think I'm just a hostage to mine and I am alternately happy when things are ok and p*s*ed when they aren't. It all makes for good ranting though! Unfortunately, I have read that the entire illness gets worse as we age, but don't they say that about everything? I'll bet if we made efforts to eat right, for instance, and in your case - keep meditating, we ought to be able to slow it down. It is so individual so who's to say.

And hey, I am so glad if anything I can say would make you feel better. Because knowing confident bipolars like you makes the world a better place, my world for certain, and I am almost sure for a lot of others too.

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What is BiPolar Disorder?

"Bipolar disorder (previously known as manic depression) is a psychiatric diagnostic category
describing a class of mood disorders in which the person experiences clinical
depression and/or mania, hypomania, and/or mixed states. The disorder can cause
great distress among those afflicted and those living with them. Left untreated,
bipolar disorder can be a disabling condition, with a high
risk of death through suicide."

"The difference between bipolar disorder and unipolar disorder (also called major depression) is that bipolar disorder involves both elevated and depressive mood states. The duration and intensity of mood states varies widely among people with BiPolar disorder. Fluctuating from one mood state to the
next is called "cycling". Mood swings can cause impairment or improved
functioning depending on their direction (up or down) and severity (mild to
severe). There can be changes in one's energy level, sleep pattern, activity
level, social rhythms and cognitive functioning. Some people with Bipolar
disorder may have difficulty functioning during these times."