Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Many of my friends may recall that I have said for years that Michelle Rodriguez is as gay as Queen Latifah. Though most people believed me, there were always the few who scoffed and said, "And Queen Latifah isn't gay -- you just think everyone is gay." Well, now I can say "I told you so. Everybody is gay." Previously, I based my claims on sightings of Michelle dancing on tables at girl bars from LA to NYC and rumors that she had a 'domestic disturbance' with her female 'roommate' back in New Jersey years ago. Of course, I suppose these gossip tidbits were not proof of Michelle having anything other than an open-minded love of dancing and a commitment to self-assertion. After all, no one is really gay until it's printed in the Advocate.

Fortunately, Michelle's former co-star Kristanna Lokan -- who is best known for being the terminatrix in Terminator 3 and for making out with Pink at the 2003 World Music Awards, was just interviewed by the Advocate to promote an upcoming stint on The L Word this season. Kristanna and Michelle worked together in the horrendous vampire film BloodRayne, written by a mediocre lesbian filmmaker, and based on, surprise, a video game. There were rumors about Kristanna and Michelle 'partying' heavily during filming, which I interpreted as either drinking a lot, hooking up a lot, or both, because what else is there to do when filming a horrendous vampire movie in Romania? But, apparently, those drunken hookups evolved into a meaningful relationship, which Kristanna could no longer bear to hide. Fortunately for Michelle, when faced with questions about their relationship, Kristanna outed her in the most sensitive, eloquent way possible:

Oh, hahahaha housekeeper - get it? Because she's like Mexican or whatever (also joking, she's Puerto Rican and Dominican). Anyway, Kristanna better be careful with her housekeeper jokes. Even though Kristanna is a head taller, I would still bet on Michelle in a domestic disturbance. You all saw Girlfight right? Not only would Michelle knock the sh*t out of her, but she would drink Kristanna under the table first and then speed away in her car after. Not even the LA County Jail could contain her fury.

But seriously, I wish Michelle and Kristanna luck, because it was pretty sad that Ellen and Portia were the hottest celebrity lesbian couple. I know it's hard to compete with Brangelina, but make an effort people! (This means you too boys -- Lance and Reichen are lame.)