I agree, whether it's called a party or not, this kind of birthday dinner/drinks isn't a hosted event, and there's nothing that implies (to me) that the birthday person is trying to represent it as a hosted event. S/he's organizing a group of friends to go out. The information is all given up front so anyone who prefers a hosted event can simply decline. Nothing rude here.

I don't find it rude unless the birthday person expects gifts.

Yes, I'm not used to seeing gifts at these types of gatherings, so I agree with you there -- I'd think that was pretty odd. To me the gift to the birthday person, in a way, *is* the showing up and paying for your own meal

I agree, whether it's called a party or not, this kind of birthday dinner/drinks isn't a hosted event, and there's nothing that implies (to me) that the birthday person is trying to represent it as a hosted event. S/he's organizing a group of friends to go out. The information is all given up front so anyone who prefers a hosted event can simply decline. Nothing rude here.

I don't find it rude unless the birthday person expects gifts.

Yes, I'm not used to seeing gifts at these types of gatherings, so I agree with you there -- I'd think that was pretty odd. To me the gift to the birthday person, in a way, *is* the showing up and paying for your own meal

Yes, it took me aback one time when a close friend of the birthday person included in their email their desire to give the birthday girl a group gift that cost about $200 total - a golden pig. I calculated and along with my bill, my portion of the birthday girl's bill, and the gift, my total would have been $100ish - we are all students, many of whom are living off of student loans. But of course, everyone fell in line and said yes because it feels uncomfortable to say no, I don't want to buy her a gift even though she's turning 30. Luckily the pig was unavailable and the gift idea fell through before I had to be the party pooper and say no thank you