What Anna Did

By Anonymous, NYOB, NJ

Meet Anna.I have known Anna since we were in first grade.Anna and I were best friends.We were going to the same high school and one mprning,I didn't see Anna on the bus.When I got to school,I saw Anna standing outside the school,smoking pot with some other kids I didn't know very well.I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw her.She looked my way and our eyes met.But there was no emotion in her cool gray eyes.They were empty.A million questions filled my mind.How long had this been going on?Why was Anna doing this?Why didn't she tell me?How had I not noticed?After that day,Anna and I didn't speak for months,even though her house was next to mine and we saw eachother everyday,neither of us uttered a word of acknowledgement.When my mom asked me why Anna never came over anymore,I just shrugged.I don't know why I didn't tell her the truth about Anna.One night the kids I had seen Anna smoking pot with that one day outside the school came and picked her up for a party.I watched from my window.Then,at around two in the morning,I woke up to the sound of my mother pounding on the door.She told me that Anna was in the hospital,and I immediately knew why.We drove to the hospital in silence.When I went to visit Anna,her "friends",the ones she had been doing drugs with,weren't there with her,holding her hand and telling her everything was going to be alright.I was.I learned that at the party,Anna had been smoking,drinking,and doing drugs with the other kids,and her body couldn't take it.She passed out,and 911 was called.She had been rushed to the hospital.Anna almost lost her life that night. After that,Anna stopped drinking and smoking and doing drugs.I didn't know it,but,right under my nose,Anna had become a drug addict,an alcoholic,and a smoker.And after that night,Anna forced herself to quit.Anna wanted her life back.She could have died that night.So don't do drugs.Don't drink.And don't smoke.Don't do what Anna did.

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This is a good story. However, I think if you elaborated on it, and showed the reader a little more, it could have been amazing. Descriptions are very important, as well as technicalities and grammar. That's just my two sense.