How A Stranger Saved My Life

A stranger saved my life last week. I was walking through a park with my husband, when a woman wouldn’t let us go any further down the path. She told us that a few kids had knocked down a bee hive further down the trail, and the bees were angry, aggressive, and stinging people. Her husband was on the other side of the path, calling city maintenance and preventing people from entering the park on the other side.

To most people this wouldn’t be a huge deal, however I’m severely allergic to bees. In that moment I was so grateful for this couple who cared enough to take time out of their evening to keep people from getting hurt. Acts of kindness like this are sometimes rare in big cities, where people are often busy and self-absorbed. My evening could have been drastically different if that couple hadn’t been there.

The experience made me wonder, why aren’t we kind more often?

There are many times throughout my day when I could be more kind. But I’m often in a rush, self-absorbed, and focusing on my own needs. “I need to get home by 8pm,” “I need my lunch right now,” “I need this lineup to move faster.” If I’d come across a nest of angry bees (and wasn’t allergic to them), I doubt I would have taken time out of my schedule to call the city and keep people from walking down the path.

This bothers me. I want to be a person who generously gives their time to help others.

Some meditation masters consider a particular form of meditation, metta or lovingkindness meditation, to be the highest form of spiritual practice. In metta meditation, you focus on giving love to yourself, to your loved ones, to your enemies, and eventually to all beings everywhere. The practice typically involves repeating variations of the following words to yourself:

May I be safe.

May I be peaceful.

May I be healthy.

May I live with ease.

You can also practice by saying these words while thinking of someone else – an enemy or friend – and all beings everywhere. The Dalai Lama is a huge advocate of this form of meditation, and research suggests that it may have several beneficial effects.

If I had to wager a bet, however, I’d guess that this form of meditation is not particularly popular among North Americans. Our society teaches us to be so individualistic that we don’t often think it’s necessary to focus on the well-being of others. But what if we were raised differently?

What if compassion was seen as an essential skill that was taught to us not only by our parents, but also by our education system?

Some organizations, such as the Mind & Life Institute’s initiative on secular ethics, are trying to start a dialogue about the importance of teaching compassion to our children. Similarly, from an evolutionary perspective, some scientists have argued that because humans are social beings, we developed traits such as altruism to help ourselves survive.

Personally, I would like to bring more lovingkindness into my life. Even something as simple as making eye contact with people on the street and saying “good morning” would be a nice start. You never know what effects your kindness might have. Perhaps your greeting reflects just enough love to bring someone off the brink of suicide. The couple who helped me in the park probably didn’t think they were going to save someone’s life that night. But they very well might have.

I am lucky to have spent most of my life in rural settings, where the kindness you describe and wish for is generally a way of life. But where it’s not, you’re right…we need to BE the change we seek. Words are fine, but it is actions like the kindness of the stranger you describe that will bring about the universal love that we are seeking.

patfoxli

The best way to help take these random acts of kindness is to make it a personal goal for each of us….one a day, stretched to two, etc. The positive for all involved is an exhilarating sense of well being both for the recipient and the giver. Just do it!

Nicole

You are completely right that we need to be teaching our children compassion, not just us as parents, but the education system as well, and the childcare providers. I work with children through our school districts childcare program, and I am a mother of 2 girls ages 9 and 4. I have taught them the importance of empathy and compassion. I started teaching them when they very young. Working with children has opened my eyes to seeing the things that we as parents and society are failing to provide for the children who are our future. My 9 year daughter seems to be naturally empathetic and compassionate. It’s just in her nature, and she has a very difficult time understanding why other children her age aren’t like and can at times be so mean to each other; it becomes very upsetting for her when kids are being bullied. She has stuck up for kids being bullied on several occasions, but one in particular made her cry afterwards; a little boy was physically being bullied during recess and her and her friend went up to the bully and told him to stop a said it wasn’t ok for him to do that then went and got a teacher. After the bully took off the boy being bullied thanked my daughter and her friend and he was crying. After that boy walked away my daughter broke down and started crying and when she was telling me about this she said she didn’t know why but she just felt so sad for the boy being bullied. My 9 year old tries to teach her peers compassion, but she does it without realizing that she is doing it, and she teaches them by being a compassionate person herself. I will practice being kinder and more compassionate each day in the simplest ways. You never know when the simplest gesture will save a life.