Five tips on lending money to family or friends

If you have friends or family
members who are hurting financially, should you lend them money? Some
tips from the National Foundation for Credit Counseling:Don't lend
the money if you can't afford to lose it. "Loaning money to friends or
family is a gamble, so never make a loan if it's going to put your own
financial situation on the skids," the NFCC said. And don't tap your
retirement savings. "Protect this nest egg as though you were the mother
hen, and don't let any of your chickens touch it."Involve your spouse or partner
in the decision. "If you and your spouse don't agree on making the
loan, it could result in significant stress on your relationship," the
NFCC said.Consider how the person got into financial trouble.
"Do they want the loan because of an emergency like loss of job or
unexpected medical bills, or because they made poor spending decisions?"
If it's the latter, giving them more money won't help unless they
address the underlying behavior, the NFCC said.Be clear on the terms
of the loan. Put the amount, interest rate, due date and late fees in
writing. Have both parties sign. "Consider having the documents
notarized, as this will give you more legal standing if the borrower
defaults," the NFCC said. If you intend to pursue legal steps in the
case of a default, be sure the borrower understands that upfront.Consider tax implications.
"The IRS frowns on loans that charge little or no interest and may
require you to pay a gift tax," the NFCC said. If you're lending more
than $10,000, consult a tax professional. If the borrower fails to repay
you, keep a record of your efforts to get the money back, so you can
take a tax write-off.scott.wilson@latimes.com

9.27.2012

The Dead Beat Dad law is a law that refers to a parent that fails to
make their obligatory support payments for their children. Legally the
law is called Deadbeat Parent Law. The slang term Dead Beat Dad law has
been used by many child support agencies because of the larger number
of men who fall into the category of dead beat. The dead beat dad law
has federal and state regulations attached to it. While each state has its own legal system
for enforcing the law, all states must comply with the federal
standards for the law. These federal rulings state that a statute of
limitations cannot be applied to this law, even if a state allows this.
It also states that back child support cannot be absolved in
bankruptcy and that payments must be made regardless of the situation
or physical capability of the non-custodial parent.

Deadbeat Parents:

When a parent is ordered by the
court to pay child support and continuously fails to do so, he or she is
commonly referred to as a "deadbeat
parent." This pejorative term is used the actual legislation of some
states, and is often misunderstood. Parents who fall behind on child
support due to job loss or unforeseen circumstances aren't necessarily
"deadbeats." Deadbeat is generally reserved for those who have the
means to pay, but do not. Parents who are unable to pay may be eligible
for child support modification.

Stereotypes About Deadbeat Parents:

"Deadbeat
parents" and "deadbeat dads" are not synonymous. Not all deadbeat
parents are fathers, and not all non-custodial fathers are neglectfully
behind on child support. In fact, there plenty of moms who have been
ordered to pay child support, yet fail to do so, as you can see from
jurisdictions that post lists of their most wanted deadbeat parents online.

Consequences for the Parent Who Does Not Pay:

There are several things the state can do when a parent falls behind in child support payments. These steps include:

Garnishing his or her pay

Refusing to allow the parent to obtain a legal passport

Intercepting unemployment compensation

Offsetting federal and/or state income tax refunds

Enforcing jail time

Taking Action When the Checks Stop Coming:

If you are owed back child support payments, you should contact your local Child Support Enforcement Office
to report the lack of payments. Be prepared to provide detailed
explanations of the missed payments, as well as any information you may
have about the parent's last known location.

Inability to Pay:

It's also important to be aware that many times the parent who is in arrears simply does not have the money to pay the child support payments.
In some cases, payments may need to be adjusted to reflect the
individual's most current earnings. In other cases, the parent owes so
much child support that the money will simply never be paid in full.

The Relationship Between Child Support and Child-Parent Visitations:

Child
support is completely separate from visitations. In the eyes of the
law, the parent who owes back child support payments still has the right
to visit with the child. Therefore, any parent who is in distress over
missing child support payments should take the steps outlined above
instead of withholding visitations. Refusing to allow your child to
visit with your co-parent because he or she has unpaid child support
could jeopardize your good standing with the courts.

Geography

Because the list was created with the intent to prevent
parents from evading prosecution, the Punishment Act states that the
negligent parent and their child must live in separate states for the
crime to get attention from federal agencies. If the parent does
business in more than one state or country, an investigation will begin
to see if they are using multiple employment locations to avoid
reporting some of their income. Once a parent reaches the misdemeanor
amounts owed and they are suspected of doing this, they are
automatically placed on the list.

Disputes

Disputes and cases about child support at the misdemeanor,
state level are handled through the Child Support Enforcement Agency
(CSEA) in the state of residence when the parent and child live in the
same state. Once the Punishment Act is in effect and a person is charged
with a felony and added to the Deadbeat List, they are beyond the
CSEA`s jurisdiction.

National Deadbeat Dad Law

By Mateo Zeske, eHow Contributor, last updated March 20, 2012

The
National Deadbeat Dad List was created after the passing of two laws.
The Child Support Recovery Act (CSRA) of 1992 gave state courts the
power to force child support payments out of parents who have racked up
misdemeanor-level penalties. The Deadbeat Parents Punishment Act of 1988
expanded this power to make parents that try to flee the area to avoid
payments and other child-support related offenses susceptible to facing
felony charges and being placed on the Deadbeat Dad List.

9.21.2012

The Bureau of Indian Affairs said Monday that it will take
control of social services on a North Dakota reservation, amid concerns
from federal officials that the tribe’s mismanagement of the agency led
to the abuse of children on the reservation.The reservation, home to the Spirit Lake tribe, a group of roughly
6,600 people living in a remote area of the northern United States, has
been under scrutiny since August 2011, when federal officials from the
bureau began working with tribal authorities to improve child safety
after the local BIA office reported “serious deficiencies” at the
agency.The tribe requested federal intervention last week, the BIA said in a statement
(pdf) announcing the move on Monday. Tribal officials told the BIA that
the move would be in the “best interest of the Tribe, its children, and
its families.”The Bureau of Indian Affairs, which has oversight of some federal
funding given to the reservations nationwide, had established a
corrective action plan for the tribe in April to improve its social
services program. It sent in what it called a “strike team” of federal
officials on Aug. 26 to meet with tribal authorities to discuss the
tribe’s progress in following the plan, which included supervisory
social workers who assessed how Spirit Lake’s Tribal Social Services
(TSS) conducted home visits and child protection referrals, as well as
its documentation procedure.The federal control means that the government will now administer
social services on the reservation, until the tribe can show that it is
able to reassume control.The decision, made over the weekend, offers a window into the
patchwork of federal, state and tribal jurisdictions that oversee social
and legal matters on Native American reservations. Tribes have
jurisdiction over family law, for example, but the federal government
has primary authority to investigate and prosecute violent crimes,
including sex crimes. Jurisdiction can, however, overlap with tribal
authorities, depending on whether the perpetrator and victim are members
of a tribe, and whether the crime occurred on or off a reservation.Rape and child sex abuse cases in Indian country are rarely
prosecuted, according to tribal advocates. It’s up to the FBI to
determine whether it will pursue a case. The bureau doesn’t publish data
on how often it declines a case, though it will be required to do so by
law beginning next year. However, a Syracuse University study of data
from 2004 to 2007 found that the federal government declined to
prosecute 50 percent of murder or manslaughter cases in Indian country,
76.5 percent of adult sex crime cases and 72 percent of child sex crime
cases. Federal officials have argued this is because evidence is
difficult to come by, and the cases aren’t always clear-cut.Since 2008, FRONTLINE producer David Sutherland has followed a member
of the Spirit Lake nation, Robin Charboneau, as she tried to protect
her daughter from abuse. He tells her story in the film Kind-Hearted Woman — you can see a preview above.But the problem at Spirit Lake extends far beyond one woman’s story.
In an April assessment obtained by FRONTLINE, the BIA found “high-risk
findings” that “pose an imminent danger to the health, safety and
well-being of children either in placement or referred for protective
services.” Federal officials, former tribal employees and other members
of the Spirit Lake nation have said in interviews that in subsequent
months, the system has continued to leave children at risk.Roger Yankton, the elected tribal chairman at Spirit Lake, didn’t
respond to two phone calls and an e-mail seeking a comment on Monday. In
a written statement to a local paper earlier this year, he said the
tribe had worked “diligently” to prevent child abuse. “Compounding
issues of system-wide response are legal and jurisdictional
complexities, severe funding and personnel deficiencies and difficulties
in securing and retaining the services of qualified and well-trained
personnel to name a few,” he wrote.What Happened at Spirit LakeThe abuse allegations gained national attention in April after a
letter from Michael Tilus, who at the time worked as the director of
behavioral health at the Spirit Lake Health Center was leaked to media
outlets. He wrote what he called a “letter of grave concern”
[pdf] to federal, state and local officials about the safety of
children on the reservation, which was then leaked online. Tilus argued
that despite BIA attention to the problem since August 2011, no major
progress had been made.The allegations centered around TSS, a tiny agency charged with the
welfare of children enrolled in the tribe. The office is required to
investigate allegations of abuse, remove children from a home where
abuse is suspected, and place the children with a safe relative or in a
foster home until the child’s first home is deemed safe.It’s set up and run by the tribe, with the help of state and federal
dollars, and reports to the tribal council. The tribe acknowledges the
office is understaffed, and former employees say a typical caseload is
about 150 cases, compared to the standard 15-20 for a social worker off
the reservation.Proper documentation on child cases was often lacking, according to
the BIA’s April assessment obtained by FRONTLINE. According to its
review, TSS workers had failed to properly document removing the
children from their homes, or document that their new placement homes
met minimum safety standards. They also didn’t provide documentation to
show that federal background checks had been done on people in the
homes, nor had the children’s guardians been properly evaluated.In his report, Tilus said that TSS had demonstrated “unchecked
incompetence” that endangered children on the reservation. Tilus was
employed by the federal government through his work at the Spirit Lake
Health Center, and his office worked closely with TSS officials.Among other charges, Tilus said that the TSS often failed to keep
proper records of abuse allegations and removed children from homes
without legal authority. “TSS staff misrepresented themselves in court,
lied about fact-finding, and had serious boundary violations in their
professional work,” he said in his letter.Molly McDonald, an associate juvenile judge hired by the tribe in
February 2010, told FRONTLINE that about half of the cases she heard
involved allegations of child abuse, in which the children had been
removed from their homes.But when TSS staff members showed up in court for a hearing on where
to place the children, the social workers tended to lack proper
documentation or didn’t always have all the facts about the case,
McDonald said. McDonald said that TSS workers often had no information
on whether the parents had been getting necessary help, such as anger
management classes or drug and alcohol treatment.The workers often couldn’t say whether they had followed up on the
case to ensure the child was safe in their new placement, according to
McDonald. Sometimes, the workers would recommend placing children in
homes without vetting the people who lived there — on occasion, she
said, these were homes where registered sex offenders lived or visited.McDonald said her supervisor, the lead judge, complained to the
tribal council on her behalf, but no action was taken. McDonald and the
supervisor, who didn’t return phone calls, were both later fired without
explanation. “I pushed too hard,” McDonald said. “I was wanting
answers, and that rubbed people the wrong way.”TSS also hired a caseworker who had pled guilty to a felony charge of
“abuse or neglect of a child” in a state court several years earlier.
This worker remained on staff even after her plea was reported to the
TSS director, according to Betty Jo Krenz, a nurse who worked as a
caseworker for a year and a half with TSS. Krenz was fired by the tribal
council, she says, because she complained about the agency’s
procedures.Tilus, the initial whistleblower, received a formal reprimand from
his supervisor at Spirit Lake for not following the proper chain of
command with his report. That punishment was subsequently rescinded by
the Department of Health and Human Services in August.In the meantime, others were expressing concerns about what was
happening at Spirit Lake. In June, Thomas Sullivan, the regional
administrator for the Department of Health and Human Services’
Administration for Children and Families, wrote a letter of his own. Sullivan has oversight of human services programs in six states, including North Dakota, and describes himself in his biography on the D.H.H.S. website as having worked throughout his career to prevent child abuse.In his letter, sent to his superiors, Sullivan said that he suspected
that “many children” at Spirit Lake “have been abused and are at
continuing risk of further abuse.” He blamed the tribal authorities and
federal and state officials for not taking action.Sullivan specifically blamed the tribal chairman, Roger Yankton, who
was elected in May 2011, alleging that under his leadership, children
were removed from safe foster homes off the reservation and returned to
their families. “When placed back in these previously abusive homes, the
abuse and neglect began again,” Sullivan wrote.In his letter (pdf),
Sullivan charged that the tribal leadership also fired TSS staffers who
were not enrolled members of the tribe and hired new staff members who
were members of the tribe but weren’t qualified to perform social
services.In August, the tribal council defended its efforts to reform the social services system in an editorial [pdf] published in the local Devil’s Lake Journal,
under the name of the “Spirit Lake Tribe.” While the authors declined
to address allegations about specific cases due to confidentiality
concerns, they noted a series of reforms the tribal council, under
Yankton’s leadership, had put in place to address problems with social
services.The tribe also said that Sullivan and Tilus had ignored its efforts at reform.In recent months, the tribe lost state funding it receives to pay
families that provide foster care for children enrolled in the tribe.
The state found that 31 cases were “out of compliance,” meaning that
they weren’t properly documented, according to Scott Davis, the
executive director of the North Dakota Indian Affairs Commission, a
state agency that coordinates state and tribal affairs. After the tribe
showed Davis and other officials that it was taking steps to improve the
process, the funding was reinstated in July, Davis said in an interview
last month. “We get pressured that we should be doing more,” he said
then. “Legally we can’t. That’s just the way it is.”On July 18, federal and regional representatives from the Bureau of
Indian Affairs met with Spirit Lake tribal leadership to discuss other
problems with social services.In its August editorial, the tribal council said that it was “well
aware of the gravity and difficult nature of these problems,” but added
that the tribe has struggled with “substantial funding and other
resource deficiencies,” and multiple floods in the past 18 years that
had complicated efforts to provide social services.The tribe also noted that it had reorganized Tribal Social Services
according to the action plan from the BIA, and conducted a comprehensive
review of its procedures, cases and records. It also hired a new TSS
director, and a child protection services supervisor who was to begin
work last month. For the first time, the tribe hired a judge with a J.D.
to sit on its tribal court.“By these actions, the current tribal government has demonstrated a
sincere commitment to confronting these issues faced by the Spirit Lake
people and improving services and operations,” the editorial said. “Far
from a cover-up, the Tribe has been actively working to reform the
Department.”But in a follow-up report to federal officials on Aug. 14 that was
obtained by FRONTLINE, Sullivan said that little had changed. He wrote:
“Everything else appears to remain as it was or has become even worse
for the children of Spirit Lake.”

9.19.2012

People experience emotional and mental health crises in response to a
wide range of situations—from difficulties in their personal
relationships to the loss of a job. For Veterans, these crises can be
heightened by their experiences during military service. When emotional
issues reach a crisis point, it’s time to call on the Veterans Crisis
Line for support.Sometimes a crisis may involve thoughts of suicide. Learn to recognize these warning signs:

Hopelessness, feeling like there’s no way out

Anxiety, agitation, sleeplessness, or mood swings

Feeling like there is no reason to live

Rage or anger

Engaging in risky activities without thinking

Increasing alcohol or drug abuse

Withdrawing from family and friends

The following signs require immediate attention:

Thinking about hurting or killing yourself

Looking for ways to kill yourself

Talking about death, dying, or suicide

Self-destructive behavior such as drug abuse, weapons, etc.

If you are a Veteran or know a Veteran who is experiencing any of these signs, call the Veterans Crisis Line immediately. Responders are standing by to help.You can also learn to identify and understand risk factors for suicide.

Take a Self-Check Quiz

Crisis, stress, depression, and other issues affect people in
different ways. Maybe you’re having trouble sleeping or feel out of
control. Maybe your energy level is down or you feel anxious all the
time. If these issues and others seem to be leading to a crisis,
treatment can help. Take a confidential, anonymous risk assessment to
see how you might benefit from VA or community-based services.

9.18.2012

Sometimes
it takes going through a bad marriage to figure out what makes a good
marriage. Five strategies for a successful, happy marriage from divorced
people who learned these lessons the hard way. Elizabeth Bernstein has
details on Lunch Break. Photo: AFP/GettyImages.

Want great marriage advice? Ask a divorced person.People who lose the most important relationship of their life tend to
spend some time thinking about what went wrong. If they are at all
self-reflective, this means they will acknowledge their own mistakes,
not just their ex's blunders. And if they want to be lucky in love next
time, they'll try to learn from these mistakes. Research shows that most divorced people identify the same top five
regrets—behaviors they believe contributed to their marriage's demise
and that they resolve to change next time. "Divorced individuals who
step back and say, 'This is what I've done wrong and this is what I will
change,' have something powerful to teach others," says Terri Orbuch, a
psychologist, research professor at the University of Michigan's
Institute for Social Research and author of the new book "Finding Love
Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship." "This is
marriage advice learned the hard way," she says

Dr. Orbuch has
been conducting a longitudinal study, funded by the National Institutes
of Health, collecting data periodically from 373 same-race couples who
were between the ages of 25 and 37 and in their first year of marriage
in 1986, the year the study began. Over the continuing study's 25 years
so far, 46% of the couples divorced—a rate in line with the Census and
other national data. Dr. Orbuch followed many of the divorced
individuals into new relationships and asked 210 of them what they had
learned from their mistakes. (Of these 210, 71% found new partners,
including 44% who remarried.) This is their hard-earned advice.

Boost your spouse's mood

Of the
divorced people, 15% said they would give their spouse more of what Dr.
Orbuch calls "affective affirmation," including compliments, cuddling
and kissing, hand-holding, saying "I love you," and emotional support.
"By expressing love and caring you build trust," Dr. Orbuch says. She says there are four components of displays of affection that
divorced people said were important: How often the spouse showed love;
how often the spouse made them feel good about the kind of person they
are; how often the spouse made them feel good about having their own
ideas and ways of doing things; and how often the spouse made life
interesting or exciting.

More Advice From Those Who Have Been There, Done That

The divorced individuals didn't specifically
identify sex as something they would have approached differently,
although Dr. Orbuch says it is certainly one aspect of demonstrating
love and affection.Men seem to need nonsexual affirmation even more than women do, Dr.
Orbuch says. In her study, when the husband reported that his wife
didn't show love and affection, the couple was almost twice as likely to
divorce as when the man said he felt cared for and appreciated. The
reverse didn't hold true, though. Couples where women felt a lack of
affection weren't more likely to divorce.Do something to demonstrate that your partner is noticed and
appreciated every single day, Dr. Orbuch says. It can be as small as
saying, "I love you," or "You're a great parent." It can be an action
rather than words: Turn on the coffee pot in the morning. Bring in the
paper. Warm up the car. Make a favorite dessert. Give a hug.

Talk more about money

Photo Illustrations by Stephen Webster

Money was the No. 1 point of conflict
in the majority of marriages, good or bad, that Dr. Orbuch studied. And
49% of divorced people from her study said they fought so much over
money with their spouse—whether it was different spending styles, lies
about spending, one person making more money and trying to control the
other—that they anticipate money will be a problem in their next
relationship, too.There isn't a single financial fix for all couples. Dr. Orbuch says
each person needs to examine his or her own approach to money. What did
money mean when you were growing up? How do you approach spending and
saving now? What are your financial goals? Partners need to discuss their individual money styles and devise a
plan they both can live with. They might decide to pool their money, or
keep separate accounts. They might want a joint account for family
expenses. In the study, six out of 10 divorced individuals who began a
new relationship chose not to combine finances."Talk money more often—not just when it's tax time, when you have
high debt, when bills come along," Dr. Orbuch says. Set ground rules and
expectations and stick to them.

Get over the past

Photo Illustrations by Stephen Webster

To engage in a healthy way with your partner, you need to let go of the past, Dr. Orbuch says.This includes getting over jealousy of
your partner's past relationships, irritation at how your mother-in-law
treats you, something from your own childhood that makes it hard for you
to trust, a spat you had with your spouse six months ago.It isn't good advice just for those with broken hearts, she adds.In Dr. Orbuch's study, divorced individuals who held on to strong
emotions for their ex-spouse—whether love or hate—were less healthy than
those people who had moved on emotionally.Having trouble letting go of anger, longing, sadness or grief about
the past? Keep a journal. Exercise. Talk to a friend (but not endlessly)
about it. Or try writing to the person who has upset you to explain your
feelings: "Dear Mother-in-Law. It's about time you treated me like a
full-fledged member of this family and stopped second-guessing my
parenting decisions." Then take the excellent advice Abraham Lincoln is said to have given
his secretary of war, who had written an emotional missive to one of his
generals. "Put it in the stove," Lincoln said. "That's what I do when I've written a letter when I am angry." "This is an exercise for you, to get all the emotions out on paper so you can release them," Dr. Orbuch says.

Blame the relationship

Photo Illustrations by Stephen Webster

The divorced individuals in the study
who blamed ex-spouses, or even themselves, had more anxiety, depression
and sleep disorders than individuals who blamed the way that they and
their partners interacted. Those who held on to anger were less likely
to move on, build a strong new relationship and address future problems
in a positive, proactive manner.

It's hard not to blame. In the study, 65% of
divorced individuals blamed their ex-spouses, with more women blaming an
ex-husband (80%) than men blaming an ex-wife (47%). And 16% of men
blamed themselves, compared with only 4% of women. Dr. Orbuch says the
men may simply accept their ex's view of the breakup. More men than
women admitted to an extramarital affair.How do you blame in a healthy way? Say "we," not "you" or "I." Say,
"We are both so tired lately," not "You are so crabby." When you remove
blame, it's easier to come up with a solution.Ask your partner for his or her view of a problem. Say, "Why do you think we aren't getting along?" "There are multiple ways of seeing a problem," Dr. Orbuch says. "By
getting your partner's perspective, and marrying it with your
perspective, you get the relationship perspective."

Reveal more about yourself

Photo Illustrations by Stephen Webster

Communication style is the No. 1 thing
the study's divorced individuals said they would change in the next
relationship (41% said they would communicate differently). Spouses need to speak in a calm and caring voice. They should learn
to argue in a way that produces a solution, not just more anger. They have to practice "active listening," where they try to hear what
the other person is saying, repeating back what they just heard and
asking if they understood correctly.To communicate well, partners need to reveal more about themselves, not just do "maintenance communication.""It doesn't have to be emotional," Dr. Orbuch says. "But it should be
about issues where you learn about what makes each other tick." Such
topics help your partner understand you better. Dr. Orbuch suggests a 10-minute rule: Every day, for 10 minutes, the
couple should talk alone about something other than work, the family and
children, the household, the relationship. No problems. No scheduling.
No logistics. "You need to tell each other about your lives and see what makes you each tick," Dr. Orbuch says.Write to Elizabeth Bernstein at Bonds@wsj.com

A version of this article appeared July 24,
2012, on page D1 in the U.S. edition of The Wall Street Journal, with
the headline: Divorcé's Guide to Marriage.

9.17.2012

For the second year in a row, on a rare triple-digit-hot So Cal day, in a nice air conditioned Marriott ballroom, I was the lucky guest of Herb Henderson. With over 530 tickets sold, it was a lovely event in La Jolla, California, September, 2012.

Herb is a true gentleman - just look at his 3-piece wool suit on this scorching hot day!.

Through my friendship with Herb, I have learned much about OC that I had never known and am sad to share, think most other women, regardless of self-awareness or education, also don't know.

Herb lost his beloved wife, Kitty, of 50 years, to ovarian cancer

Joan Wylie, the Founder of Nine Girls Ask?was misdiagnosed nine times by various physicians, prior to her accurate diagnosis of OC. Symptoms are often similar to other diseases - which results in the advanced stage once finally accurately diagnosed. The prognosis is often very poor at that advanced stage of disease.

TAKE ACTION if any symptoms persist beyond two weeks. Demand a combination of a pelvic/rectal exam, CA 125 blood test, and a transvaginal sonogram. A pap smear is NOT a test for ovarian cancer.As Joan Wylie says, "Be an active participant in your own health care."

Thank you, Herb.

Your dedication to the cure of ovarian cancer will save lives.

9.16.2012

Breastfeeding: The Feminist Issue of Our Time

Why is breastfeeding the feminist issue of our time? Let’s start by
defining feminism. According to Merriam Webster, feminism is “the theory
of the political, economic and social equality of the sexes;” the first
known use of the word feminism was in 1895.Widespread concern for women’s rights dates to the Enlightenment, the
European intellectural movement of the 17th and 18th century; in 1792,
Mary Wollstonecraft’s, A Vindication of the Rights of Women was published. In 1848, the Seneca Falls Convention
called for full legal equality with men, including full educational
opportunity and equal compensation. The Woman Suffrage movement gained
momentum after this meeting but women in the US did not gain the right
to vote until 1920. This was the first wave of feminism.The second wave of feminism occurred in the middle of the 20th
century when feminism addressed the limited nature of women’s
participation in the workplace and the confinement of women to the home.
At the end of the 20th century, a third wave of feminism arose to
challenge middle-class white feminism and to broaden the goals of
feminism to include equal rites for all people regardless of race,
creed, economic or educational status, physical appearance or ability,
or sexual preference. We are part of this third wave or perhaps the
beginning of a fourth.BREASTFEEDING IN PUBLICBreastfeeding in public is an issue of social equality of the sexes
and equal rites for all people. When we talk about breastfeeding in
public as if the breastfeeding mother and infant must be allowed
to breastfeed in public, it begs the question of whose public it is
anyway. Doesn’t the public space belong to the breastfeeding mother as
much as to everyone else? When we talk about breastfeeding in public as
if a woman’s right to breastfeed in public is dependent on the approval
of those around her, we are doing the same thing we did to our black
citizens when we told them they could only eat at “approved” lunch
counters.When instructor Adrienne Pine
breastfed her baby in front of her class on the first day of the
semester at American University, coverage of the issue focused on the
indignation of a few of her students rather than on the rights of Ms
Pine and her child. As long as we treat breastfeeding mothers and
infants like second class citizens, breastfeeding will be a feminist
issue.BREASTFEEDING AND WORKBreastfeeding at work is even more illustrative as a feminist issue.
If feeding one’s baby the milk of one’s species is a basic human right,
then professional women have more of this human right than their
blue-color sisters. A professional woman with an office can negotiate
bringing her baby to work or can pump in her office. A blue-collar
breastfeeding mom cannot even ask about break time to pump, much less
have a place provided to do so, without fear of the reprisal of losing
her job.Only thirteen states protect a woman’s right to pump at work, and
only five of these have an enforcement clause. And, while the Affordable
Care Act’s provision for workplace pumping is laudable, it has limitations
and workers may still face the burden of asking for breaks.
Breastfeeding women who work remain second class citizens as long as
their rights have to be negotiated.BREASTFEEDING AND FEMINISMIn recent months, we have seen article after article extolling
breastfeeding and attachment parenting as anti-feminist, but the
apologists have it wrong. Breastfeeding is the feminist issue of our
time because women who breastfeed do not have equal rights, either in
public or at work.I increasingly hear young women say that they are afraid to nurse in
public, when it was a non-issue for those of us who breastfed back in
the day. In the last ten years, the media has whipped us up into a
frenzy about breastfeeding in public, and emboldened the minority of
people who give a damn about it. The vast majority of people support and
are in favor of breastfeeding and of breastfeeding in public.The minority license to trump the legitimate rights of the majority,
and particularly of breastfeeding mothers and infants, makes
breastfeeding a feminist issue. Breastfeeding is the feminist issue of
our time, and perhaps the fourth wave of feminism, because it is in the
breastfeeding arena today that women must continually justify their
legitimate behavior and defend their rights. Peggy O'MaraPeggy
O’Mara founded Mothering.com in 1995 and is currently its editor-in
chief. She was the editor and publisher of Mothering Magazine from 1980
to 2011. The author of Having a Baby Naturally; Natural Family Living;
The Way Back Home; and A Quiet Place, Peggy has lectured and conducted
workshops at Omega Institute, Esalen, La Leche League International, and
Bioneers. She is the mother of four.