The end of the year seems like as appropriate a time as any to take a deep dive into how and why…
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A new calendar proposed by two scholars from Johns Hopkins University would eliminate the need for that little ditty. Though you might need a new one: September, March, June and December would have 31 days. The rest would have 30. But even better, the calendar would be identical year to year, so Christmas and every other holiday would fall on the same day of the week annually.

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Richard Conn Henry, as astrophysicist, and Steve Hanke, an applied economist, came up with the calendar and think we should all adopt it. Besides making life simpler when it comes to planning annual events and work holidays, Henry and Hanke also say the new calendar would have profound economic benefits.

Because the calendar would be the same year to year, financial calculations would become much easier. Hanke explains:

Determining how much interest accrues on mortgages, bonds, forward rate agreements, swaps and others, day counts are required. Our current calendar is full of anomalies that have led to the establishment of a wide range of conventions that attempt to simplify interest calculations. Our proposed permanent calendar has a predictable 91-day quarterly pattern of two months of 30 days and a third month of 31 days, which does away with the need for artificial day count conventions.

Henry and Hanke say their calendar is an improvement over other proposals because it doesn't change the seven days per week cycle. Western religions that mandate a day of rest don't like that because it violates the Fourth Commandment mandate for having a Sabbath. But considering that we're a country that still uses inches, feet, and yards, I can't imagine a big calendar change happening anytime soon. And what about those poor bastards who will have their birthday every year on a Monday? And if your birthday happens to be on January 31 (or one of the other months that now would have just 30 days)? Hanke and Henry suggest: "celebrate your birthday on a date of your choosing!"