A little squirrel caused a large commotion at a senior-living community in Volusia County Thursday.

The animal attacked someone outside Sterling Court on Alabaster Way in Deltona about 2:30 p.m., according to the Volusia County Sheriff's Office.

The person attacked couldn't break free of the squirrel and went inside with the animal. That's when it went wild and started attacking others inside an activity room.

"It's jumping on people and biting them and scratching them, so we need help," a worker told a 911 dispatcher.

Another person is heard in the background saying, "I feel lightheaded! I don't feel good!" The woman told a dispatcher the squirrel had attacked at least three or four people and they were bleeding. She said someone was able to throw the animal outside.

A worker who answered the phone at the facility Thursday night told the Orlando Sentinel that those who were injured were doing fine but would not comment further

After 9/11, Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter declared “the end of the age of irony.” Now that politics has been taken over by a winner, we declare “the end of the age of politics.” Trump promised us we’d get bored of winning and I already am. The New York Times has apologized for their terrible behavior and has committed to improving (though they still get crabby when they talk about subscriptions). Professors fired for violating PC dogma are being reinstated with a raise and an apology that sounds exactly like The New York Times’. For now, at least, the dust has settled, so it’s a good time to catch up on what America really cares about: celebrities.

I’ve been looking into this for about a week now and it’s far more disgusting and macabre than I thought. I’m learning there is a bizarre caste system within celebrity culture that begins and ends with reality stars but focuses almost exclusively on ass. The most important celebrity family in America is the offspring of some Armenian lawyer who was played by Ross in the O.J. miniseries. He had a whole slew of daughters who are obsessed with bedding rich black men. This may go back to the Armenian role in slavery during the Ottoman Empire, but I can’t be certain. The uglier ones date black men who die, but the prettiest one is an enormous-assed brunette named Kim who married a rhyming singer with Tourette’s named Kanye. She catapulted the whole family into fame by filming herself being penetrated by a black millionaire. This fame boost included the stepfather, who took over the family after the Armenian father died and is a transsexual who recently killed a woman. He’s had so much plastic surgery, it gave him a panic attack. This is a rite of passage for everyone in the family and that includes everyone associated with them. Even Kanye’s mother died from it. As the youngest girls grow older, they go from looking like normal children to cartoon whores. It’s assumed they too will date African-American millionaires. Even the brother has (you can watch the recent birth of his child here).

“Overall, if you’re going to get involved in celebrity culture you need to start worrying about butts.”

Outside of this strange South Caucasus family and their obsession with black royalty, we go down a step to the usual mishmash of entertainers. Most of them are obsessed with adolescent politics like “unite against hate” and “changing the conversation on climate action.” There is a remarkably handsome homosexual named George Clooney who is very adamant about actors having important things to say such as “There’s not going to be a President Donald Trump. We’re not going to be scared of Muslims or immigrants or women.” Mark Ruffalo is basically the exact same person and he’s been ensconced in clean water for years, recently focusing passionately on Indian water. There’s also a younger version named Leonardo DiCaprio who is worried about all the same stuff Mark and George are but has zeroed in on global warming. He recently did a whole movie about it where an Indian woman asked what the hell else her country should be using for power outside of affordable energy such as coal and he responded by moving on to the next segment. You may remember a lot of this behavior from junior high and that might be because many of these men became famous around then and haven’t checked in with reality since.

While most are still as attractive as they’ve been since the whole concept of fame began, there are a few who seem determined to make themselves as hideous as possible. There is a plump Jewish woman named Lena Dunham who, along with her white male father, hates white men and is still working hard to prevent Trump from being president. She is very vocal about federal politics despite having very little experience outside of writing about herself. This is perhaps why she feels such a strong kinship with our current president.

After these movie and TV stars, we have pop stars such as the very talented Taylor Swift, who only comes into view when her (not that gigantic) ass is grabbed. Below that, we have royalty who are almost never discussed. It’s mostly just Princess Kate and it’s usually something involving her (quite reasonable) ass.

Then, at the very bottom of the hierarchy, we come back to reality stars. Despite also dominating the top spots, reality stars are akin to “the untouchables” and the accusation was something that was often lobbied against Trump. Bravo is the network that seems to dictate who’s who in this world and is run by what seems inarguably to be an amoral gay named Andy Cohen. These stars make perfect fodder for broadcasters because they don’t really change anything and are completely expendable. Suicide and divorce are rampant in these fields, but like a soap opera, the second you lose someone they are immediately replaced. None of these people seem to last for more than a season, which keeps the lower levels of celebrity fresh and affordable. They’re the Soylent Green of fame

Overall, if you’re going to get involved in celebrity culture you need to start worrying about butts. The Armenian family that runs the show runs on ass. They are reality stars but seem to be placed above all other stars despite coming from a lower art form. If you want to watch any of them inside their home right now, turn on your TV and you can see them make a sandwich and argue with someone. It’s almost like they’re our slaves, which is ironic

In last week’s column, I wished the Trump camp good luck, while taking great pains to not make a prediction regarding the outcome of the election. In my private life, I was not so coy. I laid down several money bets that Trump would lose, not because I wanted him to (I didn’t), but because deep down inside, I thought he would lose. I wasn’t happy about that, but it’s what my gut told me. For the record, I really don’t like to be wrong. So, finding myself in the situation I’m in at the moment, my wallet a bit lighter and my ego a tad bruised, I realize that a bigger man would want to understand how he could have been so wrong. Of course, I’m a very small man, both physically and in the metaphorical sense, but I suppose I can strap on my platforms and rise a few inches for the sake of this column.

I bet as I did because, as a non-gambler, I made what I thought was the safe wager. I bet on what common sense and precedent told me would be the outcome. Again and again, I kept repeating to myself a series of reassuring mantras:

Nate Silver rose to fame because of his perfect prognostication record four years ago. Why would he possibly jeopardize that? If he gets the forecast wrong, his rep will never recover. So of course he must be on target!

Trump failed to build a boots-on-the-ground infrastructure in key states. He can’t win without a massive network of canvassers certain humanitarian conditions or as part of e.............................

Mark out the points, build the pyre Assemble different drummers, light up the fire Put on your masks and animal skins Illumination, illumination Listen to the drums Between each beat, each beat of the drum Oh beloved mother of liberty Hold me in your arms Burn burn, burn brightly Burn burn, burn white heat Burn burn, burn brightly Burn burn, burn white heat And the day will come before the lights go out Who will you turn to, who will you turn to Choose the crucifixion or Osiris slain Recurring themes, time again Illumination, illumination Burn burn, burn brightly Burn burn, burn white heat Oh, how ingenious the centuries of lies Ezekiel?s chariots streak across the skies Holy books and history texts forget because we know Souls are recycled in the death and resurrection show Oh beloved mother of liberty, come to me Everything I’m taught, amounts to not Everything I learn, the fire shall burn Notions of myself that I’m not Whoever I was is now lost Illumination, illumination Burn burn, burn brightly Burn burn, burn white heat Oh, how ingenious the centuries of lies Ezekiel?s chariots streak across the skies Holy books and history texts forget because we know Souls are recycled in the death and resurrection show Oh, beloved woman of liberty, come to me Burn away all my impurities Hold me in your arms Burn burn, burn brightly Burn burn, burn white heat Burn burn, burn brightly Burn burn, burn white heat Oh, how ingenious the centuries of lies Ezekiel?s chariots streak across the skies Holy books and history texts forget because we know Souls are recycled in the death and resurrection show Oh, beloved woman of liberty Hold me in your arms . .

Good evening, I’m still reporting onMexican Wall Climbing is Now a Competitive SportGood afternoon, I’m still reporting on Trump’s Wall. Mexico is preparing for the arrival of President Trump’s wall.So in the spirit of good-natured fun, they are preparing for the event with a new wall-climb competition:[insert]One thing – probably Trump’s real wall will not have large horizontal notches every 10 feet or so.I’m still reporting from Washington. Good day.

By Iphone Conservative - https://www.facebook.com/IPConservative ....The Enterprise has a very strange encounter in the far left reaches of outer space. Star Trek will never be the same after Ashley Judd's Nasty Women's March Speech is transmitted into the Galaxy. Trump said in his Inaugural speech "When you open your heart to patriotism, there is no room for prejudice" and “Whether we are black or brown or white, we all bleed the same red blood of patriots.” And he made history as the first Republican Nominee to support gay rights in a Republican Convention speech saying, “Only weeks ago, in Orlando, Fla., 49 wonderful Americans were savagely murdered by an Islamic terrorist,” Trump said. “This time, the terrorist targeted the LGBTQ community. No good, and we’re going to stop it. As your president, I will do everything in my power to protect our LGBTQ citizens from the violence and oppression of a hateful foreign ideology. Believe me.”

(The audience at the Quicken Loans Arena applauded those words, a stark contrast to the Republican National Convention in 1992 when attendees chanted “Family Rights Forever/Gay Rights Never” during a speech delivered by anti-gay conservative leader Pat Buchanan.)

In response to the applause, Trump ad-libbed: “And I have to say, as a Republican, it is so nice to hear you cheering for what I just said. Thank you.”

However, deranged Libtards like Ashely Judd, who only want to hate will never acknowledge anything good that Trump says or does because they live in an alternate universe where Trump and Republicans can only be evil.