If you have issues with anger or are dealing with someone who does, this is the place to come to for understanding and tips.
If you argue or fight, now you can learn how to resolve your differences peacefully and permanently.
Dealing with a difficult person? I can show you how to calm them down and gain their cooperation.
It's all quite simple, really.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

We've all taken our anger out on the wrong party, not to say
that there is ever a right party who
is deserving of our ire. It's not uncommon to be upset with one person and
misdirect it at someone or something else. Your boss has been crabby all day
and continually comments on every aspect of your work. You arrived home only to
be confronted by your wife who mentions that you forgot to wipe the mud off
your shoes before walking across her newly mopped floor. You blow up at her,
then storm off into the den. Sound familiar? Or perhaps you're on the receiving
end of such anger, as was the above-mentioned wife. Doesn't feel very good,
does it?

Most of us have grown accustomed to this type of behavior
although few recognize when it occurs and those who do are unwilling to
tolerate it. We rightly become defensive when being targeted and sometimes
retaliate with a threatening remark or gesture. But aggression never
neutralizes hostility. While we may be sympathetic to the fact that the other
party is stressed or doesn't mean to be hurtful, their behavior is entirely objectionable.
But why does it happen?

The primary reason we misdirect anger is that few of us live
in a state of constant mindfulness. We're distracted by our day-to-day
responsibilities and the mundane activities that take place around us. We
pay little attention to external stimuli and how it is impacting us on an inner
conscious level. In each experience I form both a thought and feeling whether
consciously or unconsciously. Feelings dictate behavior and those emotions that
I am not purposely aware of have just as much impact on how I act (perhaps even
more) as are those I am attentive to. A situation that occurs today can trigger
residual anger from earlier in the day, last week, or twenty years ago. There
is no time frame that dictates when a repressed emotion will resurface.

How can an individual intercept displaced anger? If you are
the offending party consider the following:

After an upsetting incident occurs, stop for a moment and examine
what transpired.

Acknowledge your anger. Trace it back to one or more of the root
causes (hurt, fear, frustration), address and heal them.

Take notice of who was present, what occurred, and what was said
or implied.

Check your perception: is it fair and accurate or is it in need of
an adjustment?

How important is this issue? Does it need to be addressed with the
appropriate party or can you let it go? Choose one and act upon it.

Extract the value and lessons, utilizing them to enrich your life.

Accept and be at peace with whatever the outcome is.

In this way, you can prevent anger from resurfacing
inappropriately at a later date. If however, you have already inadvertently
taken your indignation out on an innocent party, stop, take a moment to identify
the real source of your ire, and quickly make amends with the targeted subject.

If you are on the receiving end of misdirected anger:

Be mindful of what is
occurring.

Don't take personal offense to what the other person is saying or
doing.

Set and enforce clear and reasonable boundaries with the offending
party.

If so inclined, ask questions to gain clarity on what the real
issue is: "What's really bothering you?Who was involved? How do you want to
handle this (actupon it or accept
it as is)? Can I be of assistance in any way?"

Put the issue to rest permanently.

No one, under any circumstances, has a right to be hurtful
towards another. Pay careful attention to how life's circumstances are
affecting you, address issues promptly, internally resolve and heal them, and
return to the peaceful existence that is your natural birth right. When given
the option to be angry or kind, always choose kindness. It repays huge
dividends.

OrderThe Secret
Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @
http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

I learned to be critical of myself at a very early age.I never did anything right; everyone else was
better than me; and even worse, I was
never good enough, period. It didn't
help that during my impressionable formative years, society taught that the
more you denigrated a child the harder they would try to improve. Long after my
childhood was behind me the inner critic continued its sinister assignment of
keeping me trapped in a pattern of callous judgment and self-loathing.

I'm a grandmother of thirteen. When I look at my grandchildren
I see how they try and fall short; they act out and use poor judgment; they
hurt themselves and one another, sometimes accidentally and other times
purposefully.Their behavior, whether compliant
with my standards or not, does not define them, noris it a gauge upon which I measure my love
and acceptance of them. Eventually they will grow and learn but that will occur
in their own individual times and manner and not necessarily in accordance with
my dictates. A loving grandparent (or parent) embraces them with patience,
understanding, guidance, support, and love.

Why do I extend grace to others but omit the person I am
closest to? Society, parents, teachers, and church leaders have instilled in us
certain parameters by which we measure our value. By a predetermined age we are
expected to have mastered certain physical capabilities, acquired the necessary
social skills needed to sustain personal relationships, chosen a career path, discovered
our place and purpose in the world, and worked through any residual agendas carried
with us from childhood.

"I should know better!" "I'm too old to be
making these mistakes." "Look how much others have accomplished compared
to me. I'm such a loser." Although considered the highest form of life on
the planet, we are the only genus that measures our development against that of
our own species. We compare ourselves to others and that, my friend, is one of
our greatest infractions against humanity. (Keep in mind that unmet
expectations are a source of discontent and anger.)

The ancient wisdom of Native Americans declares, "Do
not judge me until you have walked a mile in my shoes." An impossible feat
by nature (no pun intended), this precludes judgment from ever transpiring. Yet
once a criticism or comparison is implanted in our brains it can haunt us for a
lifetime. It is our internal dialogue, that wretched voice in our head, that indoctrinates
us with these insidious falsehoods, repeating them incessantly until they
become our truths. Our inner critic devalues us, damages our self-esteem, makes
us feel sad, depressed, hopeless, and apathetic and fill us with despair.

Is there a way one can silence the antagonist within?
Absolutely!

1. When your inner critic appears, politely yet firmly
instruct them to leave, reminding them that your mind is only receiving affirmative
guests from this day forward.

2. At the onset of a negative recording, interrupt and replace
it with positive testimonies, repeating words of encouragement and love. Recall
favorable comments others have made about you in the past.

3. Understand that you were given human form in order to
learn necessary lessons for your spiritual development.
You were not intended to be perfect. Mistakes are normal vital steps towards Divine discovery. But keep
in mind: they do not define you.
Appreciate them for what they contribute to your life.

4. Remind yourself daily that you are a sacred child of the
Almighty and All-loving God who created you in His image.Separate your intrinsic value from your human
imperfections. Nothing can diminish your true worth as it has been pre ordained
by the One who created you.

And lastly, always remember that our God is a God of tenderness
and mercy. He alone defines our worth. He does not seek perfection but asks only
for sincere effort. Be kind with yourself for Father God is kind with you. Be
patient and understanding and compassionate for these are the graces He bestows
on you. As a loving parent fully and tenderly embraces their child without
conditions or restrictions, so too must we be willing to extend that same benevolence
to thischild of God, the one who bears our unique soul print.

Mark 12:31 "Love your neighbor as you love yourself."

Order The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition
or The Great Truth @
http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Most of us work for a living. On or off the job we are bound
to encounter a wide range of, shall I say, challenging
personalities? Bullies, intimidators, hypocrites, backstabbers, underminers,
instigators, complainers, gossips, withholders, and know-it-alls just to name a
few. Their presence can be distressing and distractive. Many of us are
ill-prepared to deal with their ever unpredictable behaviors yet are quick to
hold them accountable for making it even more impossible to perform our already
demanding jobs.

As in all relationships, the interaction between both
parties contributes to the dysfunction on the job. Therefore, it is imperative
to first examine the self for any improprieties. Take a moment and reflect upon
the following:

~ Am I guilty of any of the preceding behaviors? Unless I am
able to identify my own destructive behaviors I have no right to complain about
others nor do I have the ability to improve the dynamics. I am responsible for
my own actions and must first be willing to change myself.

~ How is my attitude? Have I always been polite and respectful?
Was I in a bad mood the day we had an issue? Did I say or do anything that may
have provoked the other party now or prior to the incident?

~ What is my history with this person: amicable or hostile?
What is their personal history? Is this an isolated incident? Is this behavior
out of character for them or typical?

~ Am I blowing things out of proportion? Have I taken
personal offense to an issue that is not about me? Am I the only one in the
office who has an issue with this person or does he/she behave the same way
with all ofus?

~ Is this impacting my performance on the job? It is causing
me significant distress? Do I need to address the issue with the individual?
Can I let it slide? Do I need to enlist the aid of another person such as my
supervisor to help resolve this?

Only after I have thoroughly and honestly examined my role
in this incident can I take action with (not against) the other party.
(Attitude is key: you are coworkers, not adversaries.) There are several keys
to dealing with individuals who exhibit the above characteristics:

1. Carefully and objectively assess the situation and determine
its level of seriousness. A minor incident may be well to overlook while one of
a more critical nature needs to be addressed.

2. Determine if this is something you are comfortable and
qualified to handle on your own. Involving a third party might jeopardize the
other's anonymity and sense of safety.

5. Give the other person the benefit of the doubt. Ask
questions rather than make assumptions or accusations. However, be certain to hold them accountable for their actions.

6. Listen open mindedly to their response or explanation.
Consider their point of view.

7. Set guidelines and boundaries if necessary.

8. State your position and what changes need to take place.
Ask for the same from them.

9. Reach a mutually agreed upon settlement and put the issue
behind you.

10. For those issues or individuals who will not change,
accept what is and do the best you can under the circumstances. Not every
incident will be resolved the way you had hoped for.

Remember that whatever course of
action you choose to take or not take, do so with dignity and integrity. Your
behavior reflects your character and the example you set may be just enough to
surreptitiously resolve the issue.

Order The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition
or The Great Truth @
http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Jesus got angry. He was troubled by the many injustices he
encountered while on Earth. At times, he expressed his dismay to those around
Him. Anger, as with all emotions, has a place and purpose. But how does one know if there is too much
anger in their lives? Here are ten warning signs to gauge if your anger levels
exceed what is considered safe and healthy:

1. Frequency: how often doyou get angry? Rarely, every day, several
times a day, or are you always upset? One who flies off the handle at the drop
of a hat needs to get to the root of their issues.

2. Intensity: do you find yourself primarily mildly
annoyed, angry or do you express full blown rage? Mild anger is easily remedied
without causing significant damage. Intense anger or rage can prove extremely
detrimental to one's safety and well-being.

3. Duration: does your anger dissipate momentarily, do
youstruggle to let it go, or are you someone
who holds on to it indefinitely, possibly even seeking revenge? The longer the
anger remains the greater the damage.

4. Aggression: does your anger lead to aggressive
outbursts of a physical or verbal nature? This can have devastating
consequences on the individual as well as those around them. One out of control
moment can lead to a lifetime of suffering.

5. Relationships: are your intimate, personal,
social, and/or professional relationships being negatively impacted by your
anger? Are you fighting with family and/or friends or having problems getting
along with coworkers? Don't blame them! This red flag is a serious indicator of
deep rooted issues and needs immediate attention.

6. Outsiders: how are those around you being affected
by your anger? Are people afraid of you or do they avoid you for fear of
triggering an outburst? We often learn the most about ourselves by carefully observing
how our actions impact others.

7. Health: is your physical well-being being affected
by your anger? Even repressed anger can lead to health issues ranging from mild
stomach upset, to elevated blood pressure, to cancer and beyond. Listen to your
body - it is a messenger for your emotional self.

8. Law: has your anger gotten you in trouble with the
law? Have you been arrested for a physical altercation or for damaging personal
property? Major red flag - one bad choice can change your life forever.

9. Joy: how is your anger impacting your overall
enjoyment of life? Are you agitated, miserable, unhappy or simply unable to
fully embrace life? Remember - you were created to be joyful and happy. You
deserve so much better but only you are responsible for your life.

10. Others: what do your friends, family, and
coworkers say about you? Do they believe you have a problem with anger? People
act as mirrors: they reflect back to us what we do not recognize in ourselves. Pay
close attention to what others have to say. They can prove to be your greatest
allies.

No one is suggesting that you never be angry. Even the Son
of God got ticked off. But keep in mind: anger is a choice. No one makes you angry. How frequently you experience
it, how long you hold on to it, the manner in which you express it, process it,
and/or heal it is entirely in your hands. Choose wisely because anger can be
your ally or your worst nightmare. Pleasant dreams.

Please
take a moment and fill out the worksheet below. It will offer great insights
into your anger and enable you to recognize any areas that need your attention.
Remember: the ultimate goal in life is to always operate from a place of inner
peace and calm.

On a sheet of paper, make four vertical columns. In the
first (labeled Anger), write down ten things that you get angry about, listing the most
important one first and the least bothersome at number 10.

In the next column (Frequency), using the letters A-D, list
the rate that you experience anger for each of the issues mentioned:A = rarely, B = several times a month, C =
weekly, D = once a day, E = several times
daily.

Finally, in column number four, (Duration) list how long the
anger lasts in each situation: A = a brief moment, B = several moments, C - all
day, D = longer than twenty-four hours.

Begin with the first three items listed under Anger. Those
with rankings of C, D, or E's need immediate attention in the corresponding
areas. Those rated A or B are less troublesome and may be addressed at a later
date if necessary.

Here's an example:

AngerFrequency IntensityDuration

People criticizing meECB

When my kids fightECD

TelemarketersDAA

Interfering in-laws CBB

As you can see, those that rate a "C" and higher
are cause for immediate action. They are either happening more frequently
(depleting our tolerance levels), are more intense (increasing the possibility
we may mishandle our anger) or last a longer than what is deemed safe or
healthy (impeding our sense of overall well-being and possibly negatively
impacting our physical health as well). Utilizing techniques found in my book, The
Secret Side of Anger, you can successfully identify the root cause of each
and apply the corresponding techniques to help alleviate them.

Wishing you get insight, success, and inner peace.~ Janet

Order The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition
or The Great Truth @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

About Me

Janet Pfeiffer, international motivational speaker and award-winning author has appeared on CNN, Lifetime, ABC News, The 700 Club, NBC News, Fox News, The Harvest Show, Celebration, TruTV and much more. She is a contributor to Ebru Today TV and hosts her own radio show, Anger 911, on www.w4cy.com.
Her latest book is the highly acclaimed The Secret Side of Anger and is endorsed by NY Times bestselling author, Dr. Bernie Siegel.
A consultant to corporations including AT&T, U.S. Army, U.S. Postal Service and Hoffman-LaRoche, Janet is NJ State certified in domestic violence, an instructor at a battered women’s shelter and founder of The Antidote to Anger Group. She specializes in anger management, conflict resolution and bullying. Janet is a member of EAPA, MVP and Vision in Motion Speaker’s Bureaus and Network Plus.
Janet@PfeifferPowerSeminars.com
www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com.