How to Choose Between Two Guys

by Freddie Silver

About Freddie Silver

Freddie Silver started writing newsletters for the Toronto District School Board in 1997. Her areas of expertise include staff management and professional development. She holds a master's degree in psychology from the University of Toronto and is currently pursuing her PhD at the Ontario Institute for Studies in Education, focusing on emotions and professional relationships.

Some might think having two guys to choose from is an enviable position, but the reality is the uncertainty and fear of making the wrong choice can be stressful. You'll be able to make a better decision if you invest some time reflecting on what you know about yourself, examine what you know about both guys, and give yourself the time needed to make the right decision.

Know Your True Self

It's essential that you spend time contemplating your heart's desires. Know what your passions are. Sit down and honestly list your likes and dislikes as well as your short- and long-term goals. It's important to get in touch with what your gut might be telling you. When you think about each of these guys, which one gets you more excited? It's more important to pay attention to your emotions rather than letting yourself be swayed by thoughts of who others might think is right for you.

Get to Know Their True Selves

You won't be able to make your decision until you really know both guys. Take into consideration whether they are trustworthy and dependable, what hobbies or pastimes they're passionate about, and how committed they might be to their religion. Consider which one has a sense of humor you appreciate. It also helps to know their long-term goals and future aspirations to know whether they mesh with yours. Think about how they respond in difficult or frustrating situations. How they interact or talk about their family and friends can reveal a lot about them. Give some thought to which of their personality characteristics you admire and which ones might be cause for concern.

Rational Thought Versus Chemistry

Make a list of the pros and cons of each guy, outlining the differences between them and decide which items are the most important to you. For example, one of the guys might have the advantage of having a stable, impressive job, but the other one makes your heart beat faster. Most women consider the following criteria when picking mates: physical appearance, income, parenting potential and ability to be a loving partner according to research conducted by David M. Buss and Todd K. Shackelford from the psychology department of the University of Texas. Think about how you feel when you're together and whether one makes you feel more relaxed, happy and safe than the other.

Give It Time

Don't feel pressured into making a decision before you are ready. If you're honest with both guys and they know you aren't in an exclusive relationship with either one, there might be nothing wrong with dating both for a while so you can compare your feelings over time, advises clinical psychologist Joti Samra in the Globe and Mail article, "How Do I Choose Between the Two Men I’m Dating?" Eventually, one of the guys might pressure you into making a decision and this might help you see more clearly who you care for more deeply. It's also possible that after a while you might decide that your indecision came about because neither guy is the right one for you.