Why I am Not In Charge 4

2006-02-17

Category:politics

On occasion I give the examples of why I?m not in charge of things. These simple hypotheticals illustrate why most people don?t like the idea of Emperor LibertyBob. Today I present yet more reasons why the world prefers that I limit my interaction.

The press corps is gathered in the briefing pit where they know to behave or I?ll signal to loose the alligators. There?s a brief bit of fanfare followed by the sexy, female voice announcing, ?Ladies and gentlemen, we present to you your emperor, LibertyBob.? The press kowtows as I approach the podium. My speech begins.

Today is a great day in the search for peace in the Middle East. Today we recognize the sovereign Republic of Palrael. This new democratic republic is formed by uniting the Palestinian and Israeli peoples into one peaceful lot.

The new government has a bicameral legislature. Members of the upper house are chosen from one hundred small but equal single member districts, much like our Senate here in the United States. The members of the lower house are chosen from nine multi-member districts and proportional voting. That means the percentages in the votes will represent the percentages of those parties that get seats to represent that district.

The same districts used to choose the lower house also get to appoint their own Supreme Court Justices, with legislative approval of course. The president gets to appoint the other two justices, again with a congressional nod.

Through all this voting, each person of voting age gets one vote, regardless of status as a former Israeli or former Palestinian.

You may be wonder how we were able to pull off this little miracle. That?s a good thing to wonder. After all, Palestinians were prone to going around blowing things up and being called terrorists. They claimed to be fighting a war but kept attacking civilian targets instead of military targets. That just wasn?t cutting it in the [makes finger quotes] rules of war category.

Then there was Israel with their habit of bulldozing other people?s houses, robbing banks in other countries, and bombing the U.S.S. Liberty. They were being naughty and were a bit over due for a butt kicking.

Neither of these groups was happy about the prospect of peace. Fortunately they were less happy about the phrase ?radioactive hole?. There was some talk about retaliation and someone said, ?that don?t un-nuke the bulldog? and the issue was settled.

This is just one more step in a more peaceful world. Most other governments have been keen on negotiating peaceful settlements over the years since the Kim Jong Il treaty, may he rest in peace. I foresee many decades of cooperation to come, or else.

With that, LibertyBob steps away from the microphone and someone unleashes an alligator or two anyway.