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I hear it from straight and gay people alike: that bisexuality isn’t real. The ignorance of that statement overwhelms me. To say bisexuality isn’t real is to say that bisexual people essentially don’t exist.

The common argument is that bisexuality is a transition phase; that bisexuals will inevitably come out months or years later as “completely” gay/lesbian. It’s true that for many people coming to terms with their sexuality, identifying as bisexual has been a comfortable place in between that has allowed them to further understand that they are, in fact, gay or lesbian. And that’s fine; whoever thinks that identifying as bi and then coming out later that you’re gay is some kind of lie or cop out doesn’t understand just how difficult it is to go through a period of questioning and confront doubts about your own sexuality. Trust me, it ain’t easy.

But while some may identify as bi only in their transition period, many people will identify as bisexual their whole life. Bisexuality is real; it’s possible, it’s normal, and it is part of the identity of so many people who can’t stand to have that part of their identity questioned or ridiculed, or flat out told is non-existent.

Not only is bisexuality real, but it belongs to a diverse spectrum. The common misconception is that bisexuality is a rigid sexuality consisting of liking both males and females 50/50. But for some, the line is not so concrete. Many bisexuals have attraction to both men and female that differ, feeling that they have a stronger attraction to one gender over another. Or they may like one gender both romantically and sexually, while only feeling attraction to another gender purely sexually. And again, this may shift and change over a person’s lifetime. Remember, sexuality is fluid and understanding one’s sexuality can be a very long and confusing process.

So quit telling me that bisexuality isn’t real. By doing so you are erasing the identities of bisexual people and contributing to the harsh stigma that makes it so difficult for people to understand their sexual orientation in the first place. People can like both men and women; I don’t see why this is such a strange concept for people to grasp.