Grenfell survivors: ‘Can we have the New Zealand government help us?’

While Prime Minister, Jacinda Ardern, took just moments to respond to the Christchurch mosque shooting; Theresa May is yet to add Grenfell to her ‘to do’ list. New Zealand’s swift financial help, emotional support and gun legislation, have made the UK’s reaction to Grenfell look glacial and with a haste similar to a tortoise on Prozac.

A New Zealand representative said: ‘We’re just a bit concerned. Um, there are people in need and we thought that, er, well, that, you know, you might want to help them? It just seems that the UK is treating Grenfell, with the same level of urgency one reserves for a mowing the lawn, doing your tax returns or cleaning out the loft’.

A UK minister complained: ‘What’s the rush? It’s not as if that same deadly cladding is being used in dozens of buildings. Or at least, buildings with rich people in them. We take fire safety seriously but we have a backlog of incidents that take priority; such as The Great Fire of London and series of pastry insurance claims related to Alfred the Great’.

Sadly cutting your toe-nails, phoning your Aunt in South Africa and fixing your squeaky front-gate all now take precedence over Grenfell. The minister insisted: ‘Of course our focus is on supporting victims of this terrible tragedy. Helping them recover their broken lives, from a man-made disaster; that has destroyed families, wrecked homes and devastated communities – oh, sorry, I thought you were talking about Brexit’.

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