Its about me. Its about what I see. Its about what I feel. Its about where I have been. Its about where I would like to go. Its about what I have loved. Its about what I have hated. Its about my aspirations. Its about my frustrations. Its about the world in me. Its about the world. Its not about me.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Depression ki ...

Rashmi wrote an excellent post some time ago, I just happened to read it today.

Depression is such a depressing beast that even the thought of it is depressing. It can get very tough for the person suffering from it and those around. My father went through depression and hard it was. The helplessness associated with depression is immense.

And I don't know why, I think I have a natural tendency to get depressed. May be it is because depression is known to have genetic effects. It is weird how things start seeming uninteresting, music starts seeming repetitive, and concentration goes for a vacation.

Gosh, even writing this is making me feel depressed, so am winding up here.

From what I can gather in your brief post, you suffer the same kind of depression that I do now. It's that vague, I-don't-feel-like-it, I-have-no-motivation-but-can-still-function, sort of depression. I get it 2-3 times a year, and just start hating myself, thinking about how I'll never amount to anything, I'll never get out of debt, I'll never have the life I want, etc. I think about all the crappy stuff that's happened in the past, all the stuff I've struggled with over the years. I used to feel a lot worse- and a lot more often. I used to have a few days a month that I felt good and could function. I'm glad those days are over with- I took Wellbutrin (I don't know if you have that specific drug where you are) for a year and felt great, but after the year was over, I wanted to sort of guage where I was at. I took myself off of the medication, and now I feel NORMAL! I still get depressed, and it might even last a week or two, but then it generally goes away and I'm fine again. I also used to have "highs" that were just as drastic as the "lows". I still get those too, but usually they're caffeine-induced or not nearly as manic as they used to be. Not that you're looking for advice, but usually a day in the sun (doing a lot of sunning), talk therapy with friends, or writing out my thoughts usually helps. If I have some money to spare, shopping with a friend (buying something for myself), physical contact with people (a lot of hugging or holding hands, or sleeping in the same bed as someone), seeing a movie, or going for a long drive with my favorite music playing all help too. Forcing myself to do anything usually makes me feel worse. In case you were interested.