Pages

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

What Sucks…Barbara Walters

Stop telling us all who you boned! It’s nasty, unbecoming, and in your case, shows a remarkable lack of respect for the dead!

The book is called “Audition”. (Everyone, all together with me now-) Audition? For what? Porn that takes place in the early 20th century? What are you trying to do? Be AARP’s first centerfold? No one needs a centerfold where the turn ons include “Long walks on the beach.” and “Ensure”.

Look at the reviews this thing is getting-

“A Great Read! Especially if you’re into old people telling you who they boned!” - NY Times Book Review

“Walters blazed trails for women in TV, and now she’s blazing trails for magazines called ‘Over 140’!” - The LA Times

“…Seriously, no one needs to picture her doing these things, and we’re ‘Naughty Grandma Monthly’.”- Naughty Grandma Monthly

So you’ve screwed more Senators than campaign finance reform- is that what you want to be remembered for? What about being the first major female newswoman…who couldn’t pronounce the letter “r”? What about your legacy of bringing Lisa Ling, and Elizabeth Hasselbeck to TV? What about the endless employment you gave to Joy Behar?

3 comments:

Anonymous
said...

Barbara Walter's life was influenced greatly by her older sister and she's written a beautiful memoir about her life. I read another memoir of a life influence by a sibling that I recommend highly - I actually liked it even more. The memoir is ""My Stroke of Insight"" by Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor. Dr Taylor became a Harvard brain scientist to find the cause and cure for schizophrenia because her older brother was a sufferer. Then, crazy as life can be, Dr. Taylor had a stroke at age 37. What was amazing was that her left brain was shut down by the stroke - where language and thinking occur - but her right brain was fully functioning. She experienced bliss and nirvana and the way she writes about it (or talks about it in her now famous TED talk) is incredible.

What I took away from Dr. Taylor's book above all, and why I recommend it so highly, is that you don't have to have a stroke or take drugs to find the deep inner peace that she talks about. Her book explains how. ""I want what she's having"", and thanks to this wonderful book, I can!

acWalters, it's time to go. Asking guests about their sex life is well out of order.Just shut up stinky scank.Eighty year old bags with alzheimers should go out to pasture. I know a page at the network who holds the dooropen for you, and you never thanked him once. I know abc uses a special lens to try to hide you aging puss, not working. What a sloppy hag bag. Please check into the retirement home; and wear diapers,you are constantly wetting your chair, my insiders say.

I would really like to watch the view-but not until that old chrone Barbara leaves-she keeps saying that she is leaving-leave already! I know 20 people who won't watch it until obnoxious babs leaves-she's always needleling whoopee-the only talent on your show-you,barbara, have money in this show-it will make much more, if you leave and let whoopee alone

What Sucks Mission Statement

Suckiness surrounds us all, gripping us in a vice-like hold, with the ferocity of a bear trap made of shit. My mission? To offer insight and shed understanding on the vast, seemingly endless, black hole of crap each one of us has to face on a daily basis. And while that torrent of bullshit is both mammoth in scope and unyielding in its advance, at least here it can be called it out for what it is- a lot of shit that really sucks.

So join me- everyday I’ll shine the spotlight on something that sucks. And your comments, until you weird me out, are always welcome. That being said, thanks for stopping by and sorry everything sucks so bad.

About Me

Chris DeLuca is a writer/ producer/ comic currently living in Hoboken, the Prague of New Jersey. He's written for a bunch of TV shows you probably have not watched or heard of (United States of Hip Hop, Nikki & Sara Live, Mob Wives Reunion, BET's Don't Sleep, and Fuse News- see?) as well as Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn, Best Week Ever, Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson and the 12/12/12 Concert For Sandy Relief. He was also the "World's Oldest Intern" on VH1's Big Morning Buzz. In 2009 he created, wrote and starred in the hilarious, and subversive “Mocap, LLC" on Spike. Sadly, he thinks he caused his parent's divorce.