Author: josie_h@yahoo.com Archived at: http://www.livejournal.com/tools/memories.bml?user=rngrdeadPairing: Xander/Spike Rating: Mature Audiences – for content and themes Summary: Xander has PTSD after rescuing one too many slayers. Spike is recovering (sort of) after the battle with W&H. Fate may have it they eventually find each other - she's funny that way.

Spoilers: Sometime in season five AtS – and possibly late seven BtVS. Warnings: M/M – if you don’t like boys together, don’t play here! i.e. Caution - boys playing together in this chapter particularly.

Disclaimer: Don’t own the characters nor make any money from stories etc, and bow down to their original creators Joss, et al., plus all the wonderful online writers who continue to give the Buffy/Angel verse characters life.

Part 29

Xander was lying on his back staring at the ceiling, left hand behind his head with Spike resting replete in a similar pose, head cushioned by Xander’s right arm.

“That was definitely of the love making.”

“That it was, pet.”

“I… Is it always going to feel like this?”

“Like what, luv?”

“Like I’m meant to be here… with you… you know… like we just fit… together, I mean. We do don’t we? Fit together I mean?”

“Seemed like a perfectly snug fit in either direction to me pet.” Spike lifted up and gave Xander a provocative smirk, “’Course if you have any doubts, we can go another round.”

Xander rolled his good eye but leaned up and claimed the lips that had so recently caressed his most intimate places, Spike rolling until almost on top of the larger brunette once more. “That a yes, luv? Thought you called time on account of bein’ human an’ all.” He pulled up enough to inspect Xander’s manhood valiantly attempting to rally to the cause.

Xander fell back, a little frustrated by his earthly limitations, “Yeah well… might take a few minutes yet…”

They lay in silence for a few more minutes before the brunette’s hand wandered down to where he could feel Spike’s growing interest pressing against his thigh, and lightly stroked the side of the pale shaft. “I was just wondering…You didn’t bite me, you know… like you did the other night before the party… I mean don’t get me wrong, I loved everything we did, but was there a reason? I guess what I’m trying to say is that… you’re welcome to. I trust you and everything, and I just thought… But then again… maybe you don’t… Look, forget it… let’s just…”

Spike pushed up a little and stared down at Xander, seeing only sincerity and a little concern, “I’d never take you like that without askin’ and you bein’ sure, pet. And I’m not gonna push you either way.”

Xander gave a small lopsided grin, “I seem to remember I was doing a fair bit of pushing earlier.”

“That you were, pet, and mighty nice that was too. But the bite I want to give you… and have no doubt, I do want to… Well, it’s gonna mean somethin’, be somethin’ special, that there’s no goin’ back from. We’d be bound from then on. And the more times it happens, the tighter that bond… Just don’t know if you want that… Don’t know if you’re sure… No one has ever…”

Xander placed his large hands on either of Spike’s shoulders and stared into azure blue eyes with his own single brown one, willing the vampire to see his absolute determination and commitment to… “I don’t know what we have, and it’s all new, and I know we’ve both been screwed up and screwed over by the universe more times than either of us can count… but I’ve never felt so sure of anything.

“These last days, this week, just being with you, I’ve felt like I’m… well like I’m some how starting to heal, really heal. Like some old injury finally has the salve it needs, but more than that too. It’s like I feel a sense of belonging, like I’m not on eggshells all the time. So yeah, even though my doctors and Giles and everyone else will probably think I’m mad…der for wanting this… As scary as this is and as raw as it is… if you’ll have me, I’m yours… and I’ll take my chances what comes after, OK? It’s OK if we, you know, do whatever ceremony later, isn’t it?”

Spike made to answer but found himself a little taken aback, “Yeah… public thing is just for show… I… If you’re sure… I… Oh to hell with it. I’m just a vampire and you’re a bloody marvel of a human, but if you’re positive then…”

Xander pulled him down and kissed him hard, their tongues dueling for long enough to have both edging toward full arousal once more. Spike broke the kiss, “You’ll need to bite me too luv, you do know that? It’s a full exchange. Think you can do that?”

For the first time there was a hint of doubt in Xander’s answer, “I guess, but won’t that hurt you?”

“Pain can be pleasure too luv.”

The simple, “Oh… OK.” was all the reply Spike needed.

Still slick from earlier, neither needed to prepare as they proceeded to make love once more, Xander on his back giving over his entire being to the beautiful creature above and in him, while Spike afforded his soon-to-be Consort every consideration possible, pleasuring him with reverence in time with his own long, strong strokes.

He felt the climax building, acutely aware that Xander was operating on his ‘second wind’, he licked from collar bone to chin then kissed his lover before whispering, “Going to bite you now, pet. Will you take me too Xan? Are you willing for us to be Master and Consort? You ‘n I? Now and always?”

Xander ground out a simple, “Oh Ghod, Yes!” and as Spike gave a particularly enthusiastic thrust directly over his prostate, the human found his partner’s mid-jugular and bit down hard.

Spike’s fangs elongated to their maximum and sliced effortlessly into the exposed neck. Blood flowed both ways, hot seed washed their bellies, and Xander was filled once again with Spike’s cooler spend. There were no fanfares or fireworks with the act, but there was an eerie, quite beautiful, peacock blue light which seemed to spread from Spike to Xander mixing while a far less intense, mixing with a burgundy red swirl moving in the opposite direction.

In the calm of the afterglow, Xander rolled toward his lover and gentled a kiss onto the raw bite mark on the vampire’s neck, watching with fascination as torn flesh began the process of repair. He stroked a feather touch over the area. “You won’t even have a scar, will you.”

Spike gave a shiver at the touch and turned slightly so he could look directly at the brunette. “Not that I know of luv, least not after a day or so. But you and I will know, won’t we. And you can always renew the mark… Could build it into our daily routine if you have a mind, amongst other things of course.” With that, he wiggled a scarred eyebrow and reached over to stroke down Xander’s back, coming to rest on one strong round cheek, giving it a squeeze.

Xander wiggled a little with pleasure, “Evil vampire giving me evil thoughts again. I thought we had things to do today?”

“That we do pet. Just savorin’ the moment is all.”

The ‘savoring’ lasted for many long minutes later but eventually the gentle touches and occasional kisses had to end. Spike sat up, pulling a somewhat reluctant Xander with him. “Come on luv, let’s have us a shower and sort the next few days. Got transport and such to arrange.”

By late afternoon, flights had been booked for midday on Tuesday, hotel accommodation reserved at Bau Au Lac (at Spike’s insistence and despite what Xander thought was an outrageous price), and Connor had replied back to Spike’s email indicating that a phonecall around midnight their time would find him at home and able to supply the information Spike had requested.

Xander was busy in the kitchenette making a sandwich and heating the vampire some blood when something odd occurred to him. He wandered into their small lounge room and handed over the liquid to a distracted blonde who was sifting through the websites of the most respected auction houses of Europe.

“Spike… You are spending a lot of money on this… you know… this trip. What if there’s nothing in the vaults? I mean it could be that someone has cleaned them out, or the stuff isn’t worth anything, or whatever. Not that I’m saying I doubt you, it’s just that… well… You’ve never really had a lot of money, you know… I mean in Sunnydale you were all with the ‘work for starvation rations of blood and beer’ guy – at least at first, of course. But why didn’t you just come back here and access it then?”

Spike stopped what he was doing, frowned and stared hard at the wall, “I… well I could have, I suppose… Same as I could have up and left me ol’ Grandsire and the whole LA mess… but somehow it just didn’t seem right. Don’t really know my reasons. Guess it’s a bit like you pet. Why’d you come to ye olde England and help out the Watcher wankers when you could’ve stayed in the US, had a good life in construction, married a pretty bint an’ done the whole picket fence thing? Guess we both just had to play out the hand as we saw it at the time.”

Xander considered the statement for a moment. It was true. He could have left Sunnydale at anytime really. He could have started a new life after the battle with the First. He certainly didn’t have to volunteer for the African posting with the Watchers, much less the repeated tours of duty. But he had. And there were a thousand other decisions and consequences that might have played out differently, and it always came down to one or two things.

He moved over to the couch and sat beside Spike taking up the pale hand closest to him. “You’re right. And I kind of get what you are saying. I guess I felt like I was making a difference, you know in the Watchery department, and back as part of the Scoobies too… But, yeah, I get it… And you know the upside? I get to be here, with you. Seems like the Universe had a kind of sense of humor on that one, or at least a big old checks and balances thing going.”

“How do you figure, luv?”

“Well, it kind of took away everything, so we could get to here… Which is all of the good.”

They sat hand in hand in silence for a time, each contemplating the ‘good’ before Xander couldn’t help asking, “So how much are you really worth Spike? I mean, you’ve got the whole knowing some head banker of Credit Suisse personally, then with the captains of industry talk with the Immortal the other night…”

Spike let go the hand he was holding and sat forward to ‘wake up’ his laptop and log in to his banking pages. Having done so, he turned the screen for Xander to see. “That’s my liquid assets for now. Will need to do some work on it of course. Put more of it to work once a few things are settled after Zurich, you know, spread the load more evenly – equity, property, shares etc.”

Xander read the figure, then rubbed his good eye and read it again. “But that’s… that’s over a million dollars!”

“’Tis now, pet. Yours and little brother’s. ‘S why I need to work out what’s in storage. Want to get it all sorted an’ workin’ good an’ proper again. An’ I hate to say it, but the little chat I had with Anton the other night sort of set a few things straight and pushed me to think a bit, got a long future ahead of me after all, the Universe willin’. Now you’re in the mix all permanent like, want you to have a say too.”

Xander sat back rather stunned, “Me?! But Spike, it’s your money!”

“Our money now, innit. Master ‘n Consort so, our money.”

“I… um… wow… I guess… but I’ve got my own. Not a lot… I um… I didn’t just…”