Husband’s Guide To Childbirth: 2 Secrets That Make All the Difference

Big tough men aren’t afraid of anything, right? Wrong! When it comes to pregnancy and birth of their children I’ve talked to countless men (and women) that are not only confused by the whole process and what comes with it, but they are downright terrified by it.

I’m always talking about the cycles in our lives and how they ultimately dictate outcomes. Pregnancy and birth are part of the parenthood cycle. Parenthood isn’t only about what happens after the baby gets here. Parenthood is supported and strengthened by healthy marital relationships and there is actually a pretty good stack of research to suggest that development of and relationships with your child start in the womb. For these reasons I wanted to share a couple thoughts that can help the pregnancy and birth process be a time of growth and can relieve some of the fear.

All four of my children have been born at home with a midwife and I had the opportunity to coach my wife through each birth. These experiences have been some of the crowning experiences of my life. They have brought trust, connection and a bond with my children that is incredible from day one.

Look Who’s Talking… And Listen

Remember the 1989 comedy, “Look Who’s talking?” It will probably never be called one of the greatest movies of all time, but there is no denying the comedy in Bruce Willis’s voice as the mental “voice” of a newborn baby. Just after Willis’s character is born, his mother (Mollie) and the cabby who got her to the hospital (James) have the following conversation:

James: You don’t look so hot.Mollie: Why don’t you try squeezing something the size of a watermelon out of an opening the size of a lemon and see how hot YOU look?James: Ouch! Guess I’d better call my mother more often!

Why doesn’t everyone reading this take a moment to call and thank their mothers? (I’ll be right here when you get back.) Honestly, we have a lot to be thankful for to those women willing to birth children. This is not a simple task. As with anything in life, a friend and support can be a great help in a successful child birth. As a man never having experienced anything quite like pregnancy or child birth, it is important to remember the following two things:

1. It’s all about her.

Just realize now that, just like everything else, you know nothing about how your wife is feeling. Women often express concerns or complaints and it is the husband’s job to listen. DON’T TRY TO FIX IT! Pregnancy and child birth are an emotional time for most women due to many factors, such as hormonal changes, life changes, body changes, and new responsibilities, as well as happy things like movement inside them, and the unconditional bond and love with the unborn child. Be support-oriented, rather than solution-oriented. Don’t view the emotionality as a problem to be fixed, but rather as new experience to savor and an opportunity to learn to connect with your wife at a deeper level than ever before.

When a mother is in labor, the more relaxed she is, the better. A supportive husband can be the most relaxing and calming resource she has. The stronger and more supportive the relationship is prior to the birth, the more positive the husband’s participation will be. So, do something today to strengthen that relationship.

2. It’s all about you.

Don’t be a dope. Educate yourself about pregnancy, labor, and birth. There are many great books available to help with this. (The Birth Book, Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way, Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy, and Pregnancy, Child Birth and the Newborn are all great resources.)

It’s important for the husband to know the process of pregnancy and child birth as well as the options mothers have. Husbands are often asked to make decisions during child birth because the mother is not “available” to make the decisions. Father’s should feel confident in making those decisions and know that their wife’s best interest is executed. Take some classes together or start your self-study, but don’t wait. Nine months goes by faster than you think.

Pregnancy and birth are miraculous and the process can be strengthening to your marriage and the start of an amazing experience as a parent. Get rid of the fear and experience the joy of this marvelous time in your life and the life of those you love most!

Stop Yelling Course

Get Your Quick Calm Toolkit FREE!

Do You and Your Kids Love Movies? Try This!

Audible is a great way for busy parents to learn on the go!

Andy Smithson, LMSW

The TRU Parenting Manifesto

Testimonials

TRU Parenting

"Andy Smithson provided an hour long seminar to our employees titled” TRU Parenting.” What a great presentation. TRU Parenting not only applied to parents but to all of us and in all aspects of our lives. Wow, I have heard so many positive comments from our employees. We even had one of our linemen, who is a young father, stay after to continue writing down thoughts and ideas that he gained from the presentation."

Penny West: Wellness Coordinator at United Electric

TRU Parenting

"Andy Smithson provided an hour long seminar to our employees titled” TRU Parenting.” What a great presentation. TRU Parenting not only applied to parents but to all of us and in all aspects of our lives. Wow, I have heard so many positive comments from our employees. We even had one of our linemen, who is a young father, stay after to continue writing down thoughts and ideas that he gained from the presentation."

Penny West: Wellness Coordinator at United Electric

TRU Parenting

"As an instructor, Andy is on top of his game. He really connected with the class! The learning experience was always helpful and exciting!"

Gary C., TRU Parenting class

TRU Parenting

"This was one of the best classes I have every been to! I loved how we were able to be interactive in asking questions and actively participated in the learning process."

Cheryl C., TRU Parenting class member

TRU Parenting

"I really enjoyed the combined approach of the many topics that were covered. The class offered many techniques that could I could use right now. I feel like I am a better parent for having participated!"

Miriam, Head Start employee and TRU Parenting class member

TRU Parenting

"I had never really stopped and thought about some of the things I learned in TRU Parenting. It made me think. I have new expectations for my parenting. My eyes are wide open!"

Chris, TRU Parenting class member

TRU Parenting

"This class finally taught me to be more quiet with my children and gave me the power to not overreact."

Jessica, TRU Parenting class member

TRU Parenting

"I learned what to to do instead of what not to do. I feel empowered to continue building relationships with my children even when I have to discipline them."

Elizabeth R, TRU Parenting Class member

TRU Parenting

"I really appreciated the direct help Andy offered us. He really cared about what was happening in my family!"

Roxana D, TRU Parenting Class Member

TRU Parenting

"Since TRU Parenting, I have a stronger relationship with my children."

Aime C, TRU Parenting Class Member

TRU Parenting

"I feel like I can parent with love rather than anger. TRU Parenting gave me inspiration and tools to really parent out of love."

Cheryl, TRU Parenting client

TRU Parenting

"I'm learning how to not give up on bettering myself and building stronger relationships with my children!"

Jessica, TRU Parenting client

TRU Parenting

"I really enjoy the little moments now."

Miriam S, TRU Parenting client

TRU Parenting

"I look forward to learning a lot from you! Thank you for the wonderful resource you are providing families! Such life-changing information!"

Rachel Macy Stafford from www.handsfreemama.comWhat are people saying about our ebook?

"I look forward to learning a lot from you! Thank you for the wonderful resource you are providing families! Such life-changing information!" (Rachel Macy Stafford from www.handsfreemama.com)"I look forward to learning a lot from you! Thank you for the wonderful resource you are providing families! Such life-changing information!"