Articles tagged with: Boomer Women

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Years from now you’ll wish you looked this good, so show your body the respect it deserves…

One of the peculiarities of being an older mother is that your children see your younger self as a stranger. Any photograph in which I appear chic or sexy or simply young elicits the same stunned response from my 26-year-old daughter: “Is that you?” She can’t picture me actually wearing the hip ’60s clothing that I pull out to impress her, especially since I can’t even get any of it over my head now.

I am making a new friend…. I think; you never know about such things until you are actually there, at intimacy. But this friendship is already taking a surprising turn.

I find myself going at it in a very different way from relationship-building in the past. I am still looking for trust, humor, empathy, curiosity — the same old things I’ve always looked for — but the stages I find myself going through to get there are new.

“One of the lovely things about writing a book about women in my stage of life is that I learn so much that makes my life richer. The message of How We Love Now is the same message that I have taken away from all the thoughtful women I interviewed – that we are in more nourishing relationships than we stop to appreciate and that those relationships are helping us grow more authentic and more “bodacious” – to use Eileen’s word -every day. And we should stop to celebrate that.

You know the stereotype: aging narcissists who’ve lost their creative edge, coasting downhill and taking up space at work as they wax nostalgic about Leave It to Beaver and Woodstock to stave off the inevitable midlife crisis. Or something like that.

When my mother was my age, long hair was considered “inappropriate” in an older woman, unless it was wound up in a bun or a “chignon” (who remembers chignons?); when I was my daughter’s age, I thought white hair was synonymous with “old lady.”

I have kept my hair long, but have been “covering the grey” for decades. Like many of us, I wish I didn’t, if for no other reason than the skunk line that appears along the part within weeks after the $100 treatment. It is clear from those roots that I would be completely white if I went natural. I haven’t gotten even close to going there. I am afraid I would look “washed out” or that I would send the message, as someone said, that I had “given up.”

The surest route to decline as we age is isolation. Older people fade away psychologically, physically, and socially, if they don’t have the emotional or intellectual stimulation we take for granted earlier in our lives. So the post 50 version of “an apple a day” is “nurture your friendships.”

Being in love knows no age limits, and our bodies can experience great sex throughout our lifetime. That is the message of my new book How We Love Now: Sex and the New Intimacy in Second Adulthood. But as I have been talking up that message, I have learned a thing or two about how it is received.