LEASH: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to
lead your people where you want them to go.

DOG BED: Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread
in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.

DROOL: Is what you do when your persons have food and you
don't. To do this properly, you must sit as close as you can and look
sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.

A GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbors put out once a
week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to
push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right, you are rewarded
with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts
of bread.

BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to
control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a
bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the
person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.

DEAFNESS: This is a malady which affects dogs when their
person wants them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring
blankly at the person then running in the opposite direction, or lying
down.

THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end.
Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to
warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling
your eyes wildly, and following at their heels.

WASTEBASKET: This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes
and old candy wrappers. When you get bored, turn the basket over and
strew the papers all around until your person comes home.

SOFAS: Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating,
it is polite to run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your
whiskers clean.

BATH: This is a process by which the humans drench the floor,
walls and themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.

LOVE: Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and
without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your
tail.