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Monday, September 30, 2013

Mary and her husband Jim had a dog named 'Lucky.' Lucky was a real character.

Whenever Mary and Jim had company come for a weekend visit, they would warn their friends not to leave their luggage open because Lucky would help himself to whatever struck his fancy. Inevitably, someone would forget and something would come up missing.

Mary or Jim would go to Lucky's toy box in the basement and there the treasure would be, amid all of Lucky's other favorite toys. Lucky always stashed his finds in his toy box and he was very particular that his toys stay in the box.

One day Mary found out she had breast cancer. Something told her she was going to die of this disease...in fact; she was just sure it was fatal.

She scheduled the double mastectomy, fear riding her shoulders. The night before she was to go to the hospital she cuddled with Lucky. A thought struck her...what would happen to Lucky? Although the three-year-old dog liked Jim, he was Mary's dog through and through.

If I die, Lucky will feel abandoned, Mary thought. He won't understand that I didn't want to leave him! That thought made her sadder than thinking of her own death.

The double mastectomy was harder on Mary than her doctors had anticipated and Mary was hospitalized for over two weeks. Jim took Lucky for his evening walk faithfully, but the little dog just drooped, whining and miserable.

Finally, the day came for Mary to leave the hospital. When she arrived home, Mary was so exhausted she could not even make it up the steps to her bedroom. Jim made his wife comfortable on the couch and left her to nap.

Lucky stood watching Mary but he did not come to her when she called. It made Mary sad but sleep soon overcame her and she dozed.

When Mary woke for a second she could not understand what was wrong. She could not move her head and her body felt heavy and hot. However, panic soon gave way to laughter when Mary realized the problem. She was covered, literally blanketed, with every treasure Lucky owned!

While she had slept, the sorrowing dog had made trip after trip to the basement bringing his beloved mistress all his favorite things in life.

He had covered her with his love.

Mary forgot about dying. Instead she and Lucky began living again, walking further and further together every day.

It has been 12 years now and Mary is still cancer-free.Lucky still steals treasures and stashes them in his toy box but Mary remains his greatest treasure.

Remember...live every day to the fullest. Each minute is a blessing from God.

Never forget...the people who make a difference in our lives are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards…they are the ones that care for and love us.

Saturday, September 28, 2013

Friday, September 27, 2013

Received an email with the following. Think this is just a joke floating around the internet...defintely not anyone I know! But what would you do if you received this? LOLMy neighbours have super loud obnoxious sex. I left a note in the entrance to their building...

13 That's Unfortunate

12 And They Arrested Him?

We know they mean the drug crack, but this title is definitely misleading. If this is true the jails are going to fill up pretty quickly. via http://www.mandatory.com/

11 That's a Nicer Way of Saying It

We have never really thought of cows as employees, and that is probably because employees get fired when funds are low, not slaughtered. Slight difference there. via http://www.mandatory.com/

10 Get It?

There is nothing better than a good sexual pun in the paper. The fact that this was a Canadian newspaper makes us sure that they were in no way trying to be funny. via http://www.mandatory.com/

9 That's a Tough Call

Either she is making her husband look more glamorous than he really is in the description or this woman really loves her cat. If this guy sucks as much as cats we don't blame her for this ad. via http://www.mandatory.com/

8 It's Better than an Ipod Shuffle

Headlines like this should be the leading exhibit in the case for increased gun control. Also, that kid's form is garbage someone give him some shooting lessons. via http://www.mandatory.com/

7 Who Needs Coaches?

If you ever played an obscure high school sport you totally understand this quote. Nothing screws up a scholarship opportunity like a lazy coach who was too busy downing peanuts to keep stats. We feel you, Hailey.

Monday, September 23, 2013

A policeman with a winking problem tests for Sergeant and goes in for his oral interview.

"Looking at your resume, I can see that you're more than qualified" says one of the Lieutenants on the exam board. "Unfortunately, we can't have a Sergeant constantly winking at their subordinates, citizens and command staff. It sends the wrong message and we can be opening ourselves up for a lawsuit.”

"But wait" says the Policeman "if I take two aspirin, I stop winking."

"Then show me" replies the Lieutenant.

So the policeman reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a pile of condoms in all different shapes, sizes, and colors before finally finding a packet of aspirin. He pops the pills and immediately stops winking.

"It's great. You stopped winking", says the Lieutenant, "but what the hell are you doing with all the condoms in your pocket? Are you some kind of womanizer?"

"What do you mean?", asks the Policeman. "I'm happily married!"

"How do you explain all the condoms?" asks the interviewer.

"Oh, that", sighs the Policeman.

"Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"

Saturday, September 21, 2013

One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry.

He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door. Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water. She thought he looked hungry so brought him a large glass of milk.

He drank it slowly, and then asked, “How much do I owe you?”

“You don’t owe me anything,” she replied. “Mother has taught us never to accept pay for a kindness.”

He said “Then I thank you from my heart.”

As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was strong also. He had been ready to give up and quit.

Years later that young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease.

Dr. Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation. When he heard the name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes. Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to room. Dressed in his doctor’s gown he went in to see her.

He recognized her at once. He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life. From that day he gave special attention to the case. After a long struggle, the battle was won.

Dr. Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to him for approval. He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge and the bill was sent to her room.

She feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all.

Finally she looked, and something caught her attention on the side of the bill.

She read these words…“Paid in full with one glass of milk” and was signed by Dr. Howard Kelly.

Tears of joy flooded her eyes as her happy heart prayed: “Thank You, God, that Your love has spread abroad through human hearts and hands.” Dr. Howard Kelly (1895) was a doctor and founded the Johns Hopkins Division of Gynecologic Oncology at Johns Hopkins University.

Friday, September 20, 2013

Neuralizer from Men in Black
Think about it: all those awkward and embarrassing moments your mom won't let you live down - never mentioned again. That accidental comment you made to your girlfriend - didn't even happen. The possibilities are endless. via wordsofeward.blogspot.com

Hoverboard from Back to the Future II
The DeLorean is just a given. But seriously, who wouldn't want a hoverboard?! Especially one with 80s-tastic decals. via ballerhouse.com

Point of View Gun from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
It'd be like having the power to read people's minds, except you could turn it off and on. Plus you'd look pretty badass holding this bad boy. via empireonline.com

JARVIS from Iron Man
The Iron Man suit is cool and all that, but the real brains behind the operation is JARVIS. Besides, it's not like we want to save the world in a super-suit. We just want a version of Siri who can do anything. via techpinions.com

The Plugin from The Matrix
Remember how while Neo or Trinity or anybody was in the Matrix, Tank could basically upload any kind of knowledge into their plugged-in minds? Yeah, we want that. via jacktrading.blogspot.com

Universal Translator also from Star Trek
And we mean universal. Learning a language takes a long time, and sometimes you don't have a long time. Sometimes you need to be able to ask, "Who the hell are you people and why am I in this tub of ice?!" right freaking now. via en.memory-alpha.org

Sonic Screwdriver from Doctor Who
Aside from the fact that it doesn't do wood, this little baby is pretty limitless in it's abilities. Batteries and Matt Smith not included. via geeks.thedailywh.at

Talking Dog Collar from Up
If you're a pet owner, you know how frustrating it can be when your furry friend won't shut up and you have no idea what the problem is. Consider that done. via moviefancentral.com Inspector Gadget's...well, gadgets.
If you're a child of the '80s or '90s, you probably already have the theme song stuck in your head just from reading thew words "Inspector Gadget." (Sorry 'bout that.) While it seems like most of Gadget's gadgets really only serve the purpose of being extra hands to point at things, we can think of a few random things that might come in handy, no pun intended. Go go gadget bottle opener! via teletoon.com

Hypertime from Clockstoppers
Aside from the fact that Clockstoppers was a pretty lame movie and the technology behind Hypertime doesn't even make sense (it speeds up the wearer's molecules so time seems to stand still around them, which we suppose is a better alternative to turning into gas), the idea would still be really cool if anyone could get it to work. via fansshare.com

Invisibility Cloak from Harry Potter
Ideally, we would just all be wizards and be able to do all sorts of amazing things, but in lieu of innate magical abilities, we'll settle for an article of clothing that lets us do whatever we want without being seen. via rachaelgreenscreen.blogspot.com

Food Replicator from Star Trek and The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
We like food. We like it fast. Ideally, we like it to be what we want it to be (unlike the Nutrimatic Drinks Dispenser in Hitchhiker's Guide which produces a substance "almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea"). via starling-fitness.com

The TARDIS from Doctor Who
It can go anywhere and anywhen, it's an acronym (which is appealing for some reason), and it's bigger on the inside. It maintains an oxygen bubble around itself, you know, in case you want to pop out for a stroll through the asteroid belt, and automatically translates foreign languages. In your head. Plus, if you're lucky, it comes with the Doctor. via disent.deviantart.com

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Fish Food

In this beauty treatment, you feed the fish -- with your body! In spas around the world, you can dip your feet into a fish tank, then those fish eat the dead skin off of your feet. But some say it's pretty unhygienic. Concerns about bacteria in the water have resulted in fish treatment bans in certain areas. But if you don't mind swapping a little foot fungus for cleaner feet, take a dip.via http://www.ellebeautystudio.com/

The Vampire Facial

This one is even more bizarre than the name suggests. Aestheticians use needles to suck blood out of your body. Then they inject that blood into your face. The blood is supposed to rejuvenate your skin.via http://l.yimg.com/

Micro Needle Therapy

What does it feel like? Like sticking hundreds of tiny needles into your face. We imagine something between the pain of a tattoo and the discomfort of rubbing sandpaper over your face. But once you stop wincing, you're bound to look younger. So if you've got a high pain tolerance, maybe you should give it a try. A home needle kit costs right around $180. via http://25.media.tumblr.com/

Leeches

This one is straight out of the middle ages. Women -- like actress Demi Moore -- pay hundreds to have leeches suck a little blood out of your face. Apparently sucking blood out of your face makes it as youthful as injecting it in.

But these aren't just any leeches. Demi Moore calls them "highly trained medical leeches". We don't know what medical school these leeches go to. But it must be expensive.via http://24.media.tumblr.com/

Snake Venom

You're not really committed to beauty unless you're willing to dance with death. Snake venom may be dangerous but it's also great for your face. And by "great for your face" we means it paralyzes the muscles underneath it to keep you from forming wrinkles.via http://e.asset.soup.io/

Whale Excrement

We've got a bit of bad news. You're probably already using this bizarre beauty treatment. Ambergris, or whale poop, is used in most high-end perfumes. Think about the last time you spritzed. That was the cool, refreshing feeling of something that came out of a whale's bottom.via http://21stoleti.cz/

Snail Cream

You know what's great for your face? Snail slime. The mucus that land snails secret from their undercarriages help cushion the road as they ooze along. It can also help protect your face from scarring, sun damage and wrinkles. via http://i.imgur.com/

Gargle

This beauty treatment is free, freshens breath and keeps teeth healthy. Interested? Great! Now pee in a cup and gargle it. It's a beauty regimen used by Cleopatra, Julius Caesar and a long list of history pop quizzes. Those guys used imported Portuguese urine which was thought to be better than the usual stuff. But you can use home grown.via http://forum.iranproud.com/

Getting Buttered Up

In Ethiopia, women rub butter all over their lady parts. Then they climb over a fire and smoke it like a salmon. Why? The practice is said to tighten things up. Women often head for this spa treatment after they give birth. It's a relatively painless process. The butter is rubbed on cool. The smoke comes from holes in the ground to keep your parts a comfortable distance from the fire. After the women are buttered, smoked and showered, their lady parts return to a more...youthful state.via http://www.larakiosses.com/

Pig Placenta

Thirsty? How about a tall glass of pig placenta? It's full of vitamins, nutrients and minerals -- everything you need to look your best. The Japanese swear by this bloody, thick beverage.via http://www.mamapop.com/

Bull Sperm Conditioner

Want hair that looks like it belongs in a shampoo commercial? Rub bull sperm in it. It will purportedly give thick, shiny hair that grows at light speed. And there's no need to head out to your local farm to...get some. Several upscale retailers and salons offer the product. But it will cost you around $85 a treatment.via http://farm6.staticflickr.com/

Rub It In

Sometimes drinking pig placenta just isn't enough placenta. If you want to get the full placental effect, you have to rub it in. Stars like Madonna, Jennifer Lopez and Eva Longoria habitually rub this stuff into their skin to look younger. via http://www.littlebydm.com/

Ant Body Wash

Formic acid is great for beauty treatments. It clears up oily skin and speeds up your metabolism. How can you get those amazing benefits? By rubbing ants all over your body.Ants are full of venom, pincers, legs and nightmares. But they're also full of formic acid. So some companies crush them up and put them in a body wash. The ants are ground fine enough so that you never see them. But we imagine it's pretty hard to ignore that they're there.via http://meltingmindofms.files.wordpress.com/

A Bird Poop Facial

How far would you go for baby soft, porcelain-white skin? In Japan, some women are willing to smear bird poop all over their faces. It's called, appropriately, "uguisu no fun". And it's a fine, white powder made from the poop of song birds. It's a little less gross than it sounds.via http://2.bp.blogspot.com/