Its obvious Trump is going to say that he is not connected to, and knew nothing about the corruption rampaging through his administration. He’ll play the incompetence card. And you know what, everyone will buy it.

Heather Nauert, a former Fox News personality, might be the country’s next ambassador to the U.N. She thinks D-Day was evidence of strong relations between the U.S. and Germany. Let’s hope she doesn’t try for good relations with Russia or China.

A woman who married the ghost of a pirate has revealed she has split from her 300-year-old husband. They Arrrgued constantly. A court will determine who gets the ship, buried treasure, and custody of a 250-year-old parrot.

Fact of the Day: There’s a unincorporated town in the southeastern arm of Trinity Bay, Newfoundland, named Dildo. *I asked my wife if she wanted to do an exotic “visit” to Dildo, but she just couldn’t come…

Kathie Lee Gifford on exiting the #TodayShow: “I stayed year after year making a million memories with people I will never forget. I leave Today with a grateful heart but I’m truly excited for this new creative season in my life”

Report: 50% of women are discriminated in the workplace.
*That number would be higher, but the other half couldn’t answer the survey because they were locked in their Boss’ answering questions about ‘How Bad They Wanted THAT Promotion”

Stockholders have had a bad few months as Verizon loses $4.6 Billion on their acquisitions of Yahoo and AOL.
*Verizon heads are optimistic, however, as they plan on buying former tech giants Napster and MySpace, to recoup soured funds!

Judge gives Michael Cohen, the President’s former personal attorney, three years in prison for campaign finance violations, tax evasion and lying to Congress. Unfortunately, that was the popular vote. If he’d won the Electoral College he’d be the new White House chief of staff.

Eleven-year-old Joshua Trump, no relation to the president, is changing his name after being cursed at and called a stupid idiot by his classmates. His parents were desperate, it was either change his name or move to West Virginia.

Naked Colorado driver and his passenger were taken to the hospital after crashing into an apartment complex while driving naked.

********Driver was cited for reckless driving, lewd behavior in a vehicle and driving with a ‘not so’ concealed weapon!
*******When news stations reached out to the driver he said he is, “…doing fine, is going to take some time off to heal from the injuries…,” and looks forward to “Beating the Case!”
******The female passenger has to be embarrassed. I mean, all she was asked to do was ‘go for a spin.’
*****In the defense of the driver, he thought he was pulling into #JiffyLube
****They were going to use the Jaws of Life, not on the vehicle, but on his passenger’s mouth!
****Seems that Weed isn’t the only thing in Denver that you shouldn’t wrap your lips around while driving!
***Where does he keep his driver’s license?
**No seat belts? In today’s world, who drives naked without Protection?
*Now this is a perfect case of a Car Jacking gone wrong!

Two separate groups of Central American migrants marched to the U.S. Consulate in Tijuana, demanding that President Trump let them into the country or pay them $50,000 each to go home, reports say
**Why don’t we hand ‘those making demands and the rest of the #caravanamigrantes’ a hammer and nails and get them to build the wall?

Married prison guard who had sex with female inmate on washing machine is jailed
*Usually you can’t have sex on a washing machine without getting too agitated!
*So, he was proven “Quilty”
*Fellow officers knew something wasn’t right. Those Washing Machines NEVER shook during the spin cycle!
*Officials knew something was happening after they cleaned out the lint filter!

Jerry Seinfeld says the Oscars lost in the Kevin Hart controversy. *There are more people complaining about who should host the #Oscars than actually watch! Thank you #Media for doing what you do best: Build Up, Tear Down, Repeat!

50 Cent says that Nicki Minaj and her new BFF, “…are not moving too fast,” as media outlets have reported. *”Not moving fast” isn’t really the best thing you can about the girlfriend of a guy who is a convicted rapist!

Fact of the Day: When men listen to women’s voices, it activates the same part of the brain that processes the sound of music. *This explains why, each time my wife asks me to clean the gutters I instead put my headphones on and act like I’m rock’n out to Brad Paisley

Goodyear Shuts Down Venezuela Factory and Gives Workers 10 Tires Each as Part of Their Severance. *Not sure if this story should be classified in the Inflation or Deflation, circular bin, but does this make the workers, “Retired??” (…I’ll show myself the door. I know the way out. Been here before. No hands!!)

Upcoming Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi follows Mike Pence in Presidential Succession. That means she’s only TWO chicken bones away from the Presidency. And Donald Trump does not look like a picky eater. And Pence could contract Dutch Elm Disease like THAT.

Fact of the Day: Video games train the human brain to make faster real life decisions. *You know, like catching that fallen bag of Takis before it spills, while binge watching #Netflix in your mom’s basement

The Latest: Paris police arrest 115 people in a day of mainly calm, smaller protests in the French capital, during the fifth-straight weekend of ‘yellow vest’ demonstrations against economic injustice.

*Instead of tear gas, why not add soap and perfume to those water cannons?? That will certainly push the French off the streets!??

White Sox have their limits on Machado, Harper, according to ESPN’s Buster Olney.

*Yes! Send the game’s two biggest, most self absorbed a-holes to ChiTown! Please!!! Chicago hasn’t had this much air blow into town since… (…oh never mind, I just saw a stop sign lift out of the ground heading for La Grange) ..Since… that sign flew out of the ground!

Tom Brady threw an awful interception at a critical moment in the Patriots’ loss to the Steelers on Sunday. It was the worst football throw by someone named Brady since Peter’s errant pass hit Marcia in the face.

Fact of the Day: You have a second “brain” in your gut: an independent, complex system of nerves that line your gastrointestinal tract and influence your mood as well as control most of your inner functions.

*A third if you count what causes those urges you get when wearing sweatpants during the biology final before being asked to go to the chalkboard!

*In case you are wondering, the Robot will be located next to the Boot Barn
*Mess with this Robot and expect some Tech Knuckle Support!!
*It’s such an epidemic here in America that even the Mall Cop Robots are fat!!
*Will this Robot last a month? ……Obsoletely!

Chicago Cub Shortstop, Addison Russell, is under fire again from ex-wife and mother of his child; detailing abuse and Mistreatment in stunning 11-page PDF released to the public.

*No worries Cub-Fan! Manager Joe Madden will just get Addison back on track during spring training when he forces Russell to dress in a 70’s Disco theme, sleep with a Penguin on road trips and walk around the Club House with a Cockatoo on his shoulder, so..

Amazon error allowed Alexa user to eavesdrop on another home. It seems the customer had asked to listen back to recordings of his own activities made by Alexa but he was also able to access 1,700 audio files from a stranger

*Meanwhile, the GPS-Enabled Google-Entrenched Smartphone in their pocket paused for a moment (as it chuckled silently), before sending its data back to headquarters for analysis…

happy hannukah, merry christmas, crazy kwanzaa, super saturnalia. however your tribe celebrates the big yellow orb not being eaten by the dragon. it’s all based on the solstice. which is today. so have a good one.

Mega Millions drawing on Christmas Day will be for $321 million jackpot: Millions of people will be competing for a whopper of a Christmas present this year: The next Mega Millions drawing falls on Dec. 25.

*The truth is, that the odds of you winning are 321 million to 1. That means are you about as likely to win the Mega Millions as you are to ever hear the words “President Donald Trump,” after 2020!

One of the most shocking and heart-rending stories to emerge from the Indonesian tsunami is that of rock band ‘Seventeen,’ who were performing in a marquee on the beach when waves came crashing through and swept them away.

It’s day three of the government shutdown. Right this second, 20 percent of the American government is doing absolutely nothing, …which is not bad considering that before the shutdown 80 percent wasn’t doing anything!!

Richard Overton, the oldest-living veteran, was born on May 11, 1906, the same year as the first wireless radio broadcast, and a year before Oklahoma became a state. He died Thursday at the age of 112.
**This will be one of the only funeral processions where driving 5mph will seem appropriate!
**This unfortunate passing bumps Trump up to #11!

An inmate walked away from San Quentin State Prison and then may have carjacked someone nearby on Wednesday night, according to prison officials.

***After paying three $5 tolls in 20 minutes, then harassed by three people for donations to the Paradise and Thousand Oaks fires, just as he entered a truck stop; where he was taxed 7.25% for a bag of jerky and some smokes, he decided to just go back to Prison!

**The inmate was plotting a prison break for some time, but with free cellphone service, unlimited TV, full work out facility, internet and constant medical care, he found it hard to jump the gate!

Thank you GB, but seriously not as good as Yer Aqua Man joke. I am doing play-by-play on ESPN tomorrow and… like Will-the-Thrill, may just use that sometime during the broadcast w/proper cred (of course). Aqua Man is a top 15 all time Always Funny line….

At the club…”Well, here comes 5 minutes of your life that you’ll never get back. When I woke up this morning, I found a new mole on my arm. I looked him in the eye and thought: I have got to get that hole in the wall fixed.”

A new law has gone into effect in Oregon allowing roadkill to be harvested and eaten. Residents will be given a free roadkill permit if they want to eat their roadkill. *The new fad in the Great Pacific Northwest is Roadkill Cafe’s. …Let’s put it this way… that place was Crow-Dead!!!

A father stated that his son “earned his man card” following a deadly shooting in Colorado, according to an arrest affidavit. *Not sure if he earned his, ‘Man Card,’ or not,.. but he will most certainly deserve his, ‘Lady Card’ at his next stop!

*So sad to see this happen. It wouldn’t be so bad, except this once ‘fad-driven franchise’ that’s about to go belly up has impacted so many ..from New York, Chicago, Miami, New Orleans, Dallas, Denver, Vegas, L.A. and San Francisco, to name just a few, … but enough about Uber!

Sexual abuse being investigated at a Hospital after a woman in a Coma delivers a baby. *Although she isn’t the first to fall victim to this egregious behavior she did get awarded with a beautiful child and atrophy

Howie: I think a couple features would be nice. 1. Why not have a ‘like’ or similar button available? I post here for a couple reasons and one big huge factor is self gratification (I’m just trying like HELL to get Will to smile at one of the 1,000 posts I make, and I’m not kidding). Without a LIKE button, you miss out on a key element 2. Share button. I can share the page, but not the post. Want to promote the page, you can with social media buttons. 3.I remember an old page very similar to this back in the late 90’s early 2000’s called, “TheMorningDJ.com” (or a reasonable facsimile there of). A person would post a topic and then DJ’s, comedians, writers, and fans would write their punchlines. This site is sooooo very similar as it has a featured post, but then we just post our own random thing afterwards and the flow is messed up. I’d much rather see someone like Janice post a topic and then let Gary, et al, tee off on the punchlines (to include punchlines from Janice). 4. Add tags to the post so we could select a tag later centralize on that subject.

To wrap: Social Sharing Links, Like Button, Tags

Just suggestions that I think would draw in more peeps
D. “Meatblanket” Vincent

A McDonald’s employee was strangled and beaten by a customer over straw; earlier in the week a Taco Bell customer opened fire on an employee because they got the hot sauce order wrong.
*Been saying it for years, but… well …Fast Food is bad for you!

The Worker got attacked at the counter, as the McDonald’s customer tried to strangle the worker before pushing her upper chest to the floor. *Doctors say her heart will be fine, unless she eats the food she sells!