Republican photo by MICHAEL S. GORDON
Lorraine J. Malone, center, a fourth grade teacher at Mapleshade Elementary School in East Longmeadow, poses with some of her students, from left, Rieghan B. O'Connor, Olivia E. Plante and Kendra R. Couceiro, all 9.

Editor's note: Lorraine J. Malone, who teaches fourth grade at Mapleshade Elementary School in East Longmeadow, discusses her approach to engaging students in writing activities. The piece is part of the Republican's Newspaper in Education monthly series featuring teachers and their students' efforts to improve as writers. The teacher participants are fellows in the Western Massachusetts Writing Project based at the University of Massachusetts-Amherst.

Each fall, my students are in awe of the task I describe to them: one day in the early spring, every fourth grader in Massachusetts will spend an entire day writing about the same thing! They find that as fascinating as I do, and they roll up their sleeves to begin learning the art of writing the personal narrative.

Children at this stage tend to tell "bed-to-bed" stories, beginning with waking up in the morning and going to bed at night, giving the same amount of attention to each event in their narrative.

Our early lessons, then, focus on finding the focus for a piece.

The use of oral rehearsal to support writers' drafting is the main focus of my classroom research this year.

As their writing partner listens, each child orally rehearses his or her narrative. Together, they decide what aspect of the story should be the main focus, or what Lucy Calkins calls "writing about the seed, not the whole watermelon."

Next, we learn to get our readers' attention with a good lead. As Lucy Calkins has advised, I teach them to start with action or dialogue.

What follows are my students' attempt to bring all of these together in a piece of mid-year work.

Please keep in mind that although students are approximately the same age, they may be at different developmental stages, especially as it applies to the art of writing.

Short samples of student writing

Republican photos by Michael S. Gordon
Olivia E. Plante

Dancing Show
By Olivia E. Plante

"Click."
The sound of the stereo clicked as I pressed the play button.
Soon I'll be dancing, I thought to myself.
Next the music is blaring as loud as a broken trumpet.
I watch as my sister's feet move swiftly across the floor.
Now it is my turn. I step up to the rug.
My feet move nearly as fast as my sister's. My song is much faster.
The thumping of our feet hurts my Mom's ears when she's downstairs. So we try to tap lightly.
After my song is over, an idea pops in my head like a jack-in-the-box. Suddenly I blare it out.
I asked my sister if she wanted to put on a show for my mom.
"Yeah, that would be cool," my sister replied.
"First we have to rehearse," I said as she drooped down a little bit. I think she just wanted to do the show now.
Then I gave in a little....
"Oh, you can just skip to getting make-up and outfits."
As we picked out our outfits, I could see my sister's face light up. Once I see that it makes me feel really good inside.
After we rehearsed just a little bit, got on our outfits, we told out mom we were having a show. We also asked her to tape it.
I told her the time and soon we were dancing.
My sister went first. As I watched, her face looked so happy and joyful.
I'm glad I could dance with my sister.

Rieghan B. O'Connor

Acting
By Rieghan B. O'Connor

I was running to the car. I jumped in and the car started to move. My dad, Grandpa, Grace, and I were going to Aunt Trisha's house.
Once we got there I gave Trish a soft hug. Grace and I went to the other room to rehearse the play.
Then Grace and I got my cousin Joey. Grace wanted him to be a troll. "Why do you want him to play?" I said.
Joey wrote down letters to pretend he was a mailman troll.
We heard a knock at the door. It was the troll. He said, "Here is the mail."
I said, "Go back under the bridge."
Grace said, "I am getting bored of this game. Yes, let's rehearse," Again we did.
I started cutting up paper. Grace colored them and wrote two through 19 on them. They were the tickets. We passed them out to the family.
It was six o'clock and everybody sat down. Grace started playing the piano. I picked everybody to volunteer in the play except Grandma. I said, "Grandma, come here." She said no. Everybody talked her into it. So all the family put on a play with me.
Grandma was funny. Everybody laughed. BOOM! CRASH! "What was that? Did you hear it?" I knew who it was. It was my cousin Chris. I ran outside and smelled something strange. "What is that nasty smell?" I said. I didn't get an answer. "You interrupted my play."
"Sorry," he said.
I ran back in the house and said it is time to vote who you thought was the best actor. Everybody voted. The winner was Grandma.
At the end of the day the whole family sat down for a silent barbecue. Well, maybe not silent. CRASH! Oh no!

Kendra R. Couceiro

A Dreadful Day with Haley
By Kendra R. Couceiro

"Hey Mom," Haley said softly as her sister gave her a snooty look, "can you get..." and she paused..."um, you know who so Kendra and I could leave? Please?" Haley asked with a puppy face on.
"Sure. I owe you one," she replied. "Here goes nothing. Ry-ry, want to go play with Dora?" Jen asked and took her by the arm and walked out of the room.
"Whoa. That was a close one," I said wiping my face and acting like I was a workout girl on a treadmill. Ry-ry started to cry as we walked across the street.
"Let's go do cartwheels at your house," Haley said.
"Haley? Do you want to sleep over?" I asked.
"Perfect. Let's make plans."
We did lots of cartwheels. We did them without a problem until...
...boom went Haley onto the ground. "Haley!" I yelped, "Are you okay?" I asked.
"Go get my dad," she said. I ran over there panicking. Bang went the door as I barged in.
"Haley is very hurt, come over, hurry!" I said.
"Ambulance. We need one now!" Mike said, just seeing how much pain she was in, holding her arm with all her might. My tears turned into a puddle on the sidewalk. Watching her get taken away took all my courage with her as I began to cry as time went by. So I took a walk to try to walk it off, but something kept pulling me back. As time went by, piece, by piece my courage came back.
"Let's make a card," I suggested, knowing Haley would come back that very day. Until another nightmare began.
"She's having surgery?" I said while my courage floated away. Without any tears, I didn't cry.
As time flew by day after day I waited.
"Kendra?" a voice said sounding like Haley's.
"Hale?" I said back.
"Yes!" as she popped out on me.
And live the way best friends should be.

Republican photo by Michael S. Gordon
Gillian L. Vumbaco

My Free Time
By Gillian L. Vumbaco

"Can I draw?" I asked.
"Sure," said my mom. I went into my room and got all of the supplies. I went back in the kitchen and hopped in my seat. I couldn't decide what to draw. I looked around again and had it. I would draw some farm animals. I slowly put my pencil on a piece of paper and thought what does a pig look like? It's pink, has a curly tail, and it is round. I'm ready to draw my pig. But every time I put my pencil on the paper it made a crackle.
A couple minutes later I had finally finished my pig. When I decided to draw a cow my brother Nick came out.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"Drawing, do you want to draw too?" I asked.
"Sure!" he said. I told him he should draw a cow like me so we could see who's was the best. When we were both done we studied them, but then my mom came in.
"Which one is better?" I asked.
"Yours!" she said.
"Why?" asked Nick.
"Because yours looks like a blob that has spots!" she said. We all started laughing.
"I guess you're right," he said. We decided to draw something else. "I have it. Let's draw a hockey player!" he said.
"Okay," I said. Then my pencil broke and we couldn't find another one. We looked around and still couldn't find one.
"Find one," I said.
"Okay," said Nick. After finding the pencil for awhile made me tired so we both stopped and laughed again. Do you know why? We looked at Nick's cow again.

Sydney L. Richardson

A Snowman with a Missing Nose!
By Sydney L. Richardson

On a snowy day I went outside and thought, "What should I do on a snowy day?"
Then I saw my neighbor building a snowman. Then I said to myself, "I should build a snowman."
I quickly rounded up three round balls and I stacked them on top of each other.
Then I ran inside and got all the supplies that I needed.
When I came back outside I put all the supplies on. I put the carrot nose on but then I realized that I forgot the buttons.
I quickly ran as fast as I could and got them. When I came back I was calm.
I realized that the carrot nose is missing.
I looked around to see if I dropped it. But I was pretty sure that I brought it out.
I looked all around and saw tracks going to the house. And I walked into the house.
I still saw tracks but I heard a crunching sound. I looked and looked and suddenly I found my dog eating it!

Patrick G. Guyer

By Patrick C. Guyer

On my free time I like to build jumps with the bobcat.
Then I would jump toy trucks on my dirt bike and I would land perfectly. It is fun.
I would then make an even bigger jump with the bobcat. And I would ask my dad if he would jump with me. So, I set up the toys again and we jumped the toys. Then we fueled the dirt bikes up and I can't wait to do it again on my next free time.

Theodore D. Choi

Our Free Time
By Theodore D. Choi

When my sister and I woke up, we got out jackets, gloves, and boots. Then we went outside.
When we were outside we made a snowman for one minute and played a snowball fight for one minute. When we went inside I heard a BANG at the door when my sister and I were drinking hot chocolate. We ran to the door as fast as we can. My sister and I were as fast as a rocket.
When I opened the door there was a mailman.
The mailman said, "Here is your package."
When I got the package I said, "Thank-you."
When I opened the package I saw a game.
I played the game that was called "Kingdom Hearts."
It was a fun game.
When I was done playing the game, my sister came to the basement and said, "Can I play too?"
Then I said, "No! Because I'm turning it off."
When I said no my sister became so mad. When it was night my mom came and we ate dinner.
After we ate dinner my family slept. I slept first then my family.
I woke up at 3. I couldn't sleep because my body is awake.
But when it was morning I slept because I woke up at 3.
It was a fun day yesterday.

Emily E. Rodgers

Monopoly
By Emily E. Rodgers

I jumped off the couch and got monopoly so my family and I could play. We all sat around the table playing.
Soon as all the property was sold we started trading them. We each had a lot of property when we were done.
Not very many minutes after that my Grandma went bankrupt. It was because she bought too many properties and only every once in a while someone would land on one.
Now it was down to four people: my cousin Tommy, my Grandpa, my Mom, and me. I had put houses on my properties. But mostly everyone else had hotels.
My Mom went bankrupt not very long after that. It was because she landed on a property with a hotel.
Now it was down to three people and I was the one with only a couple houses and hotels.
My heart was beating as fast as a cheetah. I didn't want to get out. If I tolled basically any number I would get out.
I felt like I was going to be bankrupt! And sure enough I rolled and landed on a hotel. I was bankrupt.
Then a couple minutes after that my cousin won! He was the Monopoly champ for that night.

Avery C.W. Duhart

Playing With Legos and Reading
By Avery C.W. Duhart

In my free time I play and read books that seem exciting to read.
Sometimes I make ships and other things that are battery powered motors that work. Sometimes I make book-houses out of books and K'Nex.
Sometimes I read non-fiction books, cook books, fiction, "I Spy," "Cat in the Hat," and books from last year and all the books from pre-school.
I like to do many things in my spare time but that's only two things I do in my spare time like go outside, play with my brother.

Chaia S. Bates

Sleepover Party
By Chaia S. Bates

As I was turning around, a big blue pillow hit my face. "Ow!" I yelled.
"Sorry!" yelled Melissa. I could hardly hear her because the music was way too loud.
At my friend Marie's sleepover party, everyone was either dancing or hitting people with pillows.
A little bit later we put on a movie. It was called, "Bring it On: All or Nothing."
Kayla started getting gumballs. Marie threw one. She meant to hit Jennie but she dented the wall! At that time the room smelled very fruity.
It was 2:00 A.M. and Marie's mom came into the basement. We all dropped on the floor and pretended we were sleeping.
After she left, we got back up and danced some more. Before we knew it, it was 4:30 A.M. We all decided we were tired and went to sleep.

Haley L. White

Going to North Carolina
By Haley L. White

One early morning I had to go to the airport because I was going to North Carolina. I was going to see my Grandma and Grandpa and their new puppy.
When we got on the plane and when we took off my sister yelled, "We're going to see Grandpa!" When we got off the plane my dad and I went to go get the luggage.
When I got to my Grandpa's house we played with the dog. The dog's name is Lilo, she is a Yorkie Terrier. She is just two months old. She is black and brown.
That night we went out to dinner to a Mexican restaurant. Before we had our dinner we had chips and salsa. The salsa was spicy.
That same night we went to the mall. It was big. My mom and I went into "Claire's". And I found this store called Doggy Heaven so we went in there.
We bought my Grandpa's dog Lilo a doggy bathrobe and my Grandpa bought Lilo treats. After we left.
When we left it was raining. I learned that when it rains at North Carolina the rain goes sideways.
When we got home we were so tired that we put on our pajamas and went to bed.

Jacob R. Baush

Nerf Disaster
By Jacob R. Baush

One time I brought my Nerf guns to my friends Alex and John's houses. Everyone got in their spots and started to fire. I jumped from behind one tree to another, just avoiding a shot from Alex! Then John popped out of nowhere and got one in the head!
I fell and cut my knee. I felt so much pain as I sprawled on the ground. It felt like twelve bees stung me on the knee. When I got up, I saw a brown thing on my shorts! It was dog poo! A little while after that I heard a bug in my ear! I went home, put on new pants, got a Band-Aid, and got the bug out of my ear. When I went back, I got my friend John in the stomach, and it startled him so much that he screamed. I laughed so hard I fell on the grass.

Brittany A. Barufaldi

By Brittany A. Barufaldi

In the morning at 11:00 on Thursday I asked my Mom, "Since we are going to the fireworks tomorrow night, may I bring a friend?"
"Sure!" she said, "why not? Call Sabena."
"Okay. I call right now!" I said.
The next night comes. Sabena comes over. Then we got there and open the van and set it up so it looks like a little home. We brought a lot of food. It ended and we went home and watched my Dad be silly. When we got home we played games and then went to bed.

Meghan J. Dailey

Tiring Dog Times
By Meghan J. Dailey

It was a hot day and I needed a drink of sweet cool lemonade. So I went inside to get some. When I opened the slider my dog Ruby was a rocket coming out. I got my lemonade and a book and came outside.
When I got outside my dog kept nudging my leg. First I enjoyed it but then it kept happening. Now it was like a bulldozer hitting my leg. When I looked down it was Ruby's green tennis ball. I picked it up. It was wet and slobbery but I didn't really care.
Every time I threw it came back more slobbery than the last time. "Eew!" I finally screamed. This time it collected dirt and tons of slobber.
I decided to let her get a drink of water and relaxed. Ruby was as tired as a person running twenty miles. So it took a few hours to cool off.
Before you knew it the ball was back in my hand, water, dirt, and worst of all sweat had picked up on it. I quit till the dirt was gone.
When it was gone an hour had passed and I didn't want to throw the ball. I decided to take a walk in the shaded area of the woods with Ruby. I'd watch the river flow by me and drink my refreshing water while the wind slapped my face.
I heard rustling about in the bushes. All of a sudden I see a fawn. That's when it happened. The peace ended. Ruby was trying to get the poor fawn. It was so wild. I got so mad that I picked Ruby up (which was really hard especially when she's squiggly). The peace came back when the fawn went away.
I couldn't wait to go home. It was a miracle to get out of the woods without a distraction.
It was such a tiring day with Ruby and hard.

Aaron J. Cochran

A New Discovery
By Aaron J. Cochran

One day I went outside and found a big cardboard box. I kicked it around and it seemed to slide on the ice. I kicked it around some more and accidentally slammed it on a piece of ice and broke it.
I said, "Wow," and picked it up. I dug in the recycling bin and found some string, my dad's hole puncher, and my mom's scissors.
"I got it!" I exclaimed and started cutting the sides off of it. After that, I punched holes in the front of the base of the box, and pulled the string through.
"Now what to do with it?" I wondered as I picked it up." "I know," I said with excitement. I started up the hill.
As soon as I was done sliding down the hill, I went inside the house and got my brother and sister and found two more boxes and cut the sides off. Then we all went cardboard sliding together.

Shawn E. Ferris

Football Surprise
By Shawn E. Ferris

"Hello Coach Maurer," I said.
"Do you want to be water boy?" he asked.
I said yes as I started to walk over. I couldn't believe I could be water boy for the Superbowl. It was my third time this year.
The first half went fast. We went to the car to warm up.
We went to the field again. That time it went faster. I missed the salty smell of popcorn. The Spartans lost and it was a long ride home. Did you ever get to be water boy?

Teacher resources: I recommend these resources (both published by Heinemann Books), written by my favorite writing instructor, Lucy Calkins:
"The Art of Teaching Writing"
"Units of Study for Teaching Writing, Grades 3-5"

I also recommend checking out the Web site of children's author Anita Riggio. She shares insight on writing for both adults and children: http://www.anitariggio.com

Connections to Mass. Frameworks Content: Composition Strand: GENERAL STANDARD 19: Writing Learning Standard: 19.13 Write an account based on personal experience that has a clear focus and sufficient supporting detail. Content: Composition Strand: GENERAL STANDARD 20: Consideration of Audience and Purpose Learning Standard: 20.2: Use appropriate language for different audiences (other students, parents) and purposes (letter to a friend, thank you note, invitation). Content: Composition Strand: GENERAL STANDARD 21:Revising Learning Standards: 21.2: Revise writing to improve level of detail after determining what could be added or deleted. 21.3 Improve word choice by using dictionaries. Content: Composition Strand: GENERAL STANDARD 22: Standard English Conventions Learning Standards: 22.3 Write legibly in cursive, leaving space between letters in a word and between words in a sentence. 22.4 Use knowledge of correct mechanics (end marks, commas for series, capitalization), usage (subject and verb agreement in a simple sentence), and sentence structure (elimination of fragments) when writing and editing. 22.5 Use knowledge of letter sounds, word parts, word segmentation, and syllabication to monitor and correct spelling. 22.6 Spell most commonly used homophones correctly in their writing (there, they're, their; two, too, to). Content: Composition Strand: GENERAL STANDARD 23: Organizing Ideas in Writing Learning Standard: 23.5 Organize ideas for an account of personal experience in a way that makes sense.