HMS NewsBiscuit found drifting rudderless in mid-ocean...

A naval officer reports. “The NewsBiscuit website was approached by a British frigate today, May 15th, with armed personnel going aboard to investigate. They found no crew members; indeed the only evidence of human habitation was a half-eaten Cornish pasty in the galley, which suggested the crew had left in a hurry. There was, however, no sign of any struggle, just a sense of emptiness and desolation as the once-viable website drifted aimlessly along, dragging its anchor. With no updates of slightly amusing, fairly topical material for a couple of days, we can only assume that HMS NewsBiscuit has been abandoned.

"A decision has yet to be made about whether to salvage the vessel, and tow her back to port, or scupper her at sea. Meanwhile the men hear the wind howling in the rigging, the creaking of the timbers, and tell tales of ghost ships. The nights are long, and filled with nightmares and imaginings. I fear the worst. We're nearly out of Vimto, and if the men are forced to sit through another screening of 'On Golden Pond', I fear they will mutiny. Oh, the horror, the horror”...