BRITAIN PROPOSES RETURN TO PRE-1845 BORDERS AS SOLUTION TO U.S. MEXICO BORDER ISSUE

LONDON, ENGLAND – The U.S. must return to the pre-1845 borders with Mexico said British Prime Minister David Cameron today. Cameron offered up the solution in order to resolve the issue of massive illegal migration from Mexico into the U.S. and to quell the rising tide of drug cartel violence close to the shared border between the two nations.

Cameron said the proposed return to the pre-1845 borders is the only viable solution that would solve a deadlock “that has grinded on and on and on.”

“There must be no doubt that Great Britain welcomes change that advances self-determination and opportunity,” Cameron said. “Yes, there will be perils that accompany this moment of promise. But after decades of accepting the world as it is in North America, we have a chance to pursue the world as it should be.”

The Prime Minister’s comments were made just one day before President Obama was scheduled to arrive in Ireland as part of a desperate attempt to woo Irish-American voters.

“To propose something this radical just a day prior to President Obama’s visit to Great Britain is unconscionable. I can’t recall a scenario where one head of state has ever so purposefully embarrassed another head of state, particularly a staunch ally.”

The White House is now scrambling to change President Obama’s travel schedule in Ireland feeling that their previous plans to hang out in pubs and have the president talk up his Irish ancestry might now somehow seem contrived.

An Obama administration insider who spoke on the condition of anonymity indicated that President Obama might actually consider embracing some parts of Cameron’s proposal, however.

“This would actually be an acceptable solution to the President in the sense that we would finally be able to get rid of Texas and Arizona. However, the loss of critical voters in California would really suck.”

When asked about how the proposed return to 1845 borders would affect New Mexico and Nevada the spokesperson said, “I guess Harry Reid would be on his own to negotiate with Los Zetas and ‘New Mexico?’ come on is that even a real place?”

Cameron’s proposal would basically mean that California, New Mexico, Arizona, Nevada and all of what is now the western United States would revert to Mexican rule. However, prior to 1845 Texas was an independent republic.

“Cameron obviously didn’t think this thing out fully in terms of the Texas issue,” a White House spokesperson said. “We really don’t want to imagine a scenario where Texas would become an independent nation again. The idea of a President Rick Perry along a new U.S. border would be unacceptable. We would prefer a return to pre-1836 borders. Let Mexico have Texas.”

What would a California under Mexican rule look like? A wide-eyed and seemingly confused House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (Dem – CA) said, “I don’t speak Spanish. It’s already a problem for me in my state. I guess now it would be worse. However, drug cartels do need universal health care, too. Treating gunshot wounds can be terribly expensive and place a burden on the entire gang.”

A spokesperson for the Los Zetas Drug Cartel said, “This would certainly expedite our ability to get our drugs to our customers. Sure a few ranchers and home owners in the area formerly known as the United States will have to die. But hey you have to break some eggs to make huevos rancheros.”

Yet this is basically what U.S. President Barack Obama did to Israel and to Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu earlier this week just a day before Netanyahu arrived in the United States.

President Obama proposed trading away the future and security of our staunchest ally, the Jewish race and the only democracy in the Middle East in order to solve “a deadlock that has grinded on and on and on.”

As a people we must be genuinely and deeply concerned when our President proposes policy that is so absurd as to be simultaneously both comical and horrifying.