* Too many to count. (Almost) all scenes that don't feature Caren, Bazett or Avenger will have one of those. Good luck listing them all.* Shirou tries to get Ilya's permission to borrow her castle to have date with Sakura.-->Shirou: "I know its rather sudden, but I want to have dinner here, just two of us."-->Ilya: *heavenly light from above, white pidgeons fly, church bells ring*-->Shirou: "With Sakura, that is."-->Ilya: *[[CornerOfWoe sulks on her bed]] in [[SuperDeformed SD mode]]*-->Shirou (silently): [[SilentSnarker Sudden mood change]].* Shirou and Saber discuss bras. It ends with this pronouncement. "Under no circumstances shall I wear any underwear that is not picked by Shirou." Cue Shirou desperately trying to flee... And then, well, Shirou fleeing the scene and Saber chasing after him. And [[ClingyJealousGirl Sakura]] and [[TheTease Rider]] heard the whole thing. And all this caused by [[{{Troll}} Rin.]]* Lancer meets the Track and Field club. HilarityEnsues. Highlights are when he completely fails to come up with something sexy to say to Saegusa. "You're the drudge." ** Then, they ask what sport he does. "Javelin Throw". ** Shirou's {{Silent Snark|er}}ing is a thing of wonder during that scene:--->'''Shirou:''' That's not "smooth"... that's harassment!\\'''Lancer:''' [[IsItSomethingYouEat ...What's that? Weapon? Food?]]\\'''Shirou:''' [[VisibleSilence ......]] [narrating] I am now explaining the concept of sexual harassment to a hero of mythological times. This is too much. It's almost as impossible as explaining what Internet is to [[HopelessWithTech Tohsaka]]. And if I do try, I'd probably be taken for a clown.

--->'''Saegusa:''' Javelin throw... so that's like what Kubota-kun does on our team.\\'''Himuro:''' Oh? You look like you'd be pretty good at that. What is your record?\\'''Shirou:''' [to himself] Speed of about Mach 2, and distance of around 40 km...

--->'''Shirou:''' [realizing that Lancer is actually getting his way with the ladies for once] [narrating] Congratulations, Lancer. Clapping softly, I get up from the bench. And I'm sorry, Lancer. This hunting session... Heavens may forgive you, but I will not...!\\''[cockblocking ensues]''** The icing of the cake is when Shirou advises Himuro about what to do if Lancer starts acting funny: find an excuse to feed him some hot ''dogs'' and make sure to say how they're named afterwards. Trolling and a nice reference to CelticMythology all wrapped into one snarking package:--->'''Shirou:''' [narrating] So. No more than ten minutes later, I'm still sitting on the bench, basking in the sun.\\'''Lancer:''' Kuaaaaaaaaah! Wha-wha-wha-what did you feed meeeeee!?\\'''Shirou:''' [without missing a beat] A refreshing scream resounds throughout the clear sky. Kicking up a dustcloud behind him, Lancer runs toward the port with a speed matching and beating that of a raging bull.* Yet another BadEnd...Shirou can reveal to Saber that Shirou trained with Rider. She gets ANGRY* Saber and Rider discuss cooking. It ends in almost restarting Heaven's Feel.* Issei in a [[http://i.imgur.com/mg1Yorx.png frilly dress]].* Saber thinks exercise equipment is a 'catalyst'.* Saber: Shirou. I'd like to try on this swimsuit. Will you tell me how it looks?"** Option A: A little lie can save a life** Option B: Hope for the best, plan for the worst* Shirou and Saber go on a swim date to the water park. The FunnyMoments begin when Saber reveals that, being King Arthur, she is able to WALK on water... But not SWIM in it. Cue Shirou DUNKING A HEROIC SPIRIT into the drink, and then spending the rest of the stay there obliviously embarrassing her as she keeps getting reminded of why she fell in love with him.** Shirou and Saber then meet Archer, and as Shirou and Archer immediately begin hating on each other, Lancer teases Saber. [[ButtMonkey Doesn't end well for him.]]** And how does the entire thing end? Shirou accidentally beats Saber in a swim race without thinking, forgetting [[OhCrap to his horror]] that Saber is a VERY SoreLoser. Cue 30 laps of swimming hell and Shirou swearing that he'll never forget this ever again.--> 'My muscles are screaming in agony, my endurance sapped to rock bottom. I'm sure a vital part of me died on the inside that I'll never be able to get back.'* Rin and Shirou accidentally awakening Saber's SuperPoweredEvilSide by cutting off her IdiotHair.* Lancer and Archer having a little fishing contest. Which Archer is winning due to ''[[MundaneUtility projecting a cutting edge, super expensive fishing rod.]]'' He proceeds to childishly taunt Lancer all the while, who can only sulk. Shirou wisely chooses to just back away, praying that Archer never has cause to change his title to "Angler."-->'''Shirou''': (narration) I never knew that adults reverting to childishness could be so unpleasant to watch...** And then ''Gilgamesh'' joins in, recruiting a [[FriendToAllChildren team of kids]] and equipping them with solid gold, SuperPrototype fishing rods. Archer and Gil engage in an [[HamToHamCombat enthusiastic]] fishing duel while a sobbing Lancer just wants his peace and quiet back.-->'''Shirou''': (narration) Alas... Lancer's lost paradise will stay forever in my memories----* Rider calmly discusses her defeat and death, including being trapped in a nightmare by her own powers being reflected. Then Shirou asks her what the nightmare was, and she refuses to answer. It was her elder sisters making fun of her for [[HugeSchoolgirl being tall]].* Two Bazett-related [[BrickJoke brick jokes]]:** At midnight, Bazett goes into a cheap noodle shop, orders two portions, and eats them both. Later, Shirou hears a rumor about a ghost who visits the noodle shop, orders for two, and disappears.** After raiding a house, Avenger gets soaked with milk by a trap activated by leaving. Bazett is endlessly amused but notes it seems like a pretty harmless trap. When Shirou and company go to clean Rin's mansion, they notice some spilled milk by the door.* It turns out the events of ''Anime/FateZero'' have left Saber traumatized enough to affect her eating habits--> '''Shirou:''' Wait, Saber. are octopuses really a no-go? You ate them just like that until now.--> '''Saber:''' D-Don't tell me... I never thought that this "octopus" you speak of is... the demonic fish itself?! ... What is this... The netherworld's evil god that wouldn't die no matter how much I cut it... was what I tasted back then...!* Rin and Shirou are trapped in a chest made by Zelretch himself that is BiggerOnTheInside thanks to fucking with causality (as Zelretch is wont to do). Shirou discovers Rin's cellphone and tries to make calls on it...only the calls are connecting to ''other universes''. This goes from awkward to hilarious when he tries calling Rin's house and a Future!Rin answers. Except----> '''Shirou:''' ''[narrating]'' ...It was definitely Tohsaka's voice coming over the telephone, but something about it was inconceivable. As though it was... [[OOCIsSeriousBusiness lovestruck]]. [[SickeninglySweethearts It reminded me of lovers who shamelessly embrace each other in public]].** This Future!Rin has apparently completely dropped the "{{tsun|dere}}" from her routine. The current present Rin starts getting ''jealous'', because somehow neither one realizes who the other is. This reaches its logical conclusion when Future!Rin takes some of Rin's {{tsundere}} threats against Shirou to the letter and warns her, in no uncertain terms, that [[{{Yandere}} she will hunt and kill her if she hurts]] ''[[{{Yandere}} her]]'' [[{{Yandere}} Emiya-kun]].--->'''Shirou:''' [[VisibleSilence ..................]] ''[narrating]'' Too much love can hurt. Seriously, Parallel World Me. What the hell happened? In what way? By what means? How did you get Tohsaka Rin to fall that madly in love with you...!?** After that, Rin changes tactics and asks her AlternateSelf what does she see on a guy like Shirou. Big Mistake.--->'''Rin:''' ...So you love him, but how should I put it, what's so good about him? Do you just have bad taste? Emiya Shirou's quiet, unsociable idealism just doesn't understand how a woman's heart works. He's not that great of a catch. Seriously, why are you so into him?\\'''Shirou:''' ''[to himself]'' I want to object, but I'll probably just end up getting kicked, so I'll keep quiet for now.\\'''AU!Rin:''' ......\\'''Rin:''' ...Hey. Why are you so quiet? Give me some kind of rebuttal, you.\\'''AU!Rin:''' ''[laughs faintly]''\\'''Rin:''' H-Hmph, so it's not that much after all. With Shirou's main points, even you--\\'''AU!Rin:''' --Yes, I love everything about him.\\'''Rin:''' [[StunnedSilence ...!]]\\'''Shirou:''' ''[narrating]'' They were only words, but... they deeply rattled the Tohsaka over here.\\'''Rin:''' W-Wha...\\'''AU!Rin:''' I told you, his oafishness, his thickheadeness, the way he blurts out whatever he thinks, his childish idealism, the way he ignores his wounds, all of it. You should be more honest with yourself, too. Worded a different way, didn't you just admit that you love him in spite of all his faults?\\'''Rin:''' Whaaa...! Stop messing around! I seriously can't stand those things--\\'''AU!Rin:''' Sure, sure, we'll go with that. But you know, Miss, I don't "stick with him through thick and thin." I protect him when he struggles, lend him a hand when it really counts, and only see the best in him. So I'll declare it now. Rather than becoming happy together, I will, with no questions asked, and more than anyone else, give him happiness.\\'''Rin:''' Gah-- O-Of course, I already knew... n-no, I mean, why would I ever go through that much trouble for him!? T-T-Too bad! I see your point, but I don't think Emiya-kun is someone who needs that much.\\'''AU!Rin:''' Is that so? Then I'll do as I like. You might think that, but to me he's the greatest partner I could ask for. ''[louder]'' Say, isn't that right, Shirou? We'd never be ashamed of our mutual love. So, for that reeeason, reward me with a biiig kiss~❤\\'''Rin:''' Fine, then! Take as many of him as you like! Mutual love!? Greatest man!? With such a naive person, you'll have nothing but trouble! Hmph! Heroes and princes on white horses are just dreams! Drown in your ideals and die...!!! ''[channels prana into her cellphone and breaks it into pieces]''** And the icing on the cake. After destroying the phone, Rin asks Shirou if he recognized the girl on the other side of the line from his acquaintances in their home universe. Shirou wisely says [[ExactWords he's never seen her face]] and she advises to be careful if he ever meets her and assures him that "that woman" is major bad news for him. The {{irony}} doesn't go un-{{lampshade|Hanging}}d.--->'''Shirou:''' ...I see. Got it, I'll bear that in mind. ''[narrating]'' I enthusiastically mean it as well. After all, it was a warning from the person herself.* Shirou discovers Rin and Saber looking through his room in search of his PornStash. They find something, and Saber is somewhat irritated when [[TheGadfly Rin]] observes that it doesn't have any blondes, but then Shirou comes in and tells them it was a gift from Shinji he hid, and Rin storms off in a huff. [[spoiler:Shirou is relieved that they didn't find his ''actual'' PornStash, which is implied to include blondes.]]* In an extra epilogue, Bazet and Caren convince Rin to give them a few minutes alone with him. She leave the room, urging him to "bear with it." Shirou [[GenreSavvy gets a bad feeling]] and [[ScrewThisImOutOfHere tries to make a break for it]], only for Caren to use her Holy Shroud to restrain him. In the next scene, Shirou is represented with [[spoiler: Avenger's sprite. They'd stripped him down and used an oil pen to cover his skin in copies of Avenger's tattoos.]]----