RESENTMENT

Timeless Consciousness — Akaal Purakh, the Essence —
is pure without form. So is our Essential Nature; for we are made in the true
Image of the Divine (Joti-Svaroopa). However,
when the intellect is cut off from the pure Consciousness by becoming opinionated
and consumed in forms, it behaves as time-bound consciousness called false
ego. It's also known by many other names such as knot, time and space, bondage,
mind, worldliness, Haume and Jeeva (individual soul or being).
Its rise makes past, present and future look real. Hence, although our True
Nature is Divine, but the indwelling Divine Light of ours is at the present
covered with the "filth" (Mall) of false ego. When a person
is so represented by the conditioned intellect, his behavior becomes selfish,
stubborn, unyielding and fanatic. Born of Maya (ignorance, illusion,
mental conditionings, duality, egoism, mistaken self-identity, etc.), this
inner "filth" only becomes thicker and stronger as we act more and
more in egoism. The feeling of resentment is the manifestation of this body-identified
ego.

ਜਗਿ ਹਉਮੈ ਮੈਲੁ ਦੁਖੁ ਪਾਇਆ ਮਲੁ ਲਾਗੀ ਦੂਜੈ ਭਾਇ ॥: Jagg haumai mailu dukh paaiaa
mall laagee doojai bhaai: On account of the filth of Haume (egotism), the world suffers in pain. Because of the (love of Maya), the filth of duality sticks to the world (sggs 39).

Resentment is harboring of animosity, grudge and hatred against a person or
group of people whom one feels has unjustly mistreated him in the past, and
finds himself in emotional turmoil and hurt upon seeing them or hearing about
them. It's the lack of forgiveness, compassion, patience, kindness, wisdom,
trust, faith, confidence, contentment, assertiveness and fearlessness. Resentment
can also be an irrational reaction to something that is no longer a real concern,
danger or threat. A person burdened with resentment is wrathful and feels the world is unkind
to him.

Resentment usually appears when painful memories of the negative events or
experiences of the past come to mind. It develops from despair when one's self-will
is threatened, from passively accepting negative treatment from others, from
feeling being taken for granted or taken advantage of, from not being heard,
from seeing others succeed who have not worked as hard as you have, from seeing
others enjoying advantage, from seeing others unjustly recognized, from being
unrecognized for your own accomplishments, from seeing others as hurdle in your
success, from being rejected by someone you love or care for, from not knowing
what others expect from you, from being humiliated and embarrassed, from being
the victim of prejudice and bias or bigotry. It may also develop from the feeling
of being consistently unapproved, unaccepted, abandoned, put down and scorned
by those for whom you think you made sacrifices. Resentment could also be the
result of infidelity, unfaithfulness, lies, spouse's affair, unresolved grief
arising from a loss difficult to accept, being heartbroken after failure to
achieve something, being betrayed and being ignored or denied of your rights.
In nutshell, a sense of resentment is the result of sustained, unresolved, or
internalized anger.

The negative effects of the emotion of resentment is that it burrows deeply
into one's mind, undermining his creativity and wisdom. Hence it dims one's
clarity of perception for long time and makes one feel inferior to the person
or events that he hold resentment for. Not only that, it also attracts more
resentment in the process, and thus become a greater threat to one's happiness
than what it is he fears. When overtaken by the burning resentment, one feels
angry, touchy, fearful, edgy, depressed, restless, hateful, hostile, cynical, sarcastic,
incompetent, unworthy, confused, envy, suspicious of others, shy, miserable,
bitter, crotchety, quarrelsome, retaliatory, vengeful, unhappy, lacking in confidence,
overly critical of others, etc. It creates hurts, differences, breaches, bitter
feuds and conflicts between members of families, groups, and nations.

Resentment is a barrier that separates people from each other. Therefore, we
are urged by the Gurbani to uproot all negative trait
(Bikaar) once for ever.

How resent can be overcome? First, it's imperative to understand
that there is no such thing as justified resentment. It's learnt and programmed
into our psyche as we grow. The more there is to resent, the more difficult
it is to get rid of resentment. Therefore, we are advised not to resent; for
it pulls us down to the animal level or lower consciousness.

Forgiveness is the antidote to resentment. We cannot be truly forgiving, or
forgetting the past, without being in touch with our True Being within (Mool, Source...), the
All-embracing Pure State. By becoming Spiritual Beings (Gurmukh), when
we are in touch with this Source, we simply
lose resentment for people and circumstances and become forgiving and interested
in them. And we once again express the universal love which gushes out from
the center of our Being.

If you forgive not others their trespasses neither will my Father forgive
yours (Matt 6:15).

Forgiveness is one of the transcendental qualities belonging to godly men
endowed with divine nature (Gita 16:3).

"He abused me, he struck me, he overpowered me, he robbed me"--those who
do not harbour such thoughts still their hatred. Hatred is never appeased
by hatred in this world; by non-hatred alone is hatred appeased (Buddha, Dhampada
4-6).

This is the self that has been touched by Allah's Mercy so that when it
commits a sin or falls into disobedience, it blames itself and turns to forgiveness
and repents to its Sustainer (Sufi Giani Shams Tabreiz).

In the presence of him who has perfected harmlessness, all enimity ceases
(Rishi Patanjali).

However, in our day-to-day experience, we all expect and want to be forgiven,
but seldom forgive others. As a matter of truth, we use resentment as a way
to control and punish people. In fact, oftentimes we harbor resentment for those
who are already dead! We even make God and the godly people the target of our
resentment. Instead of focusing our attention on the "now", we waste
our efforts and energy dwelling in the past which is over and done with. More
we dwell on the past, the more we tend to resist and refuse to forgive and forget.
The Gurbani reminds us that there is no "other"; therefore when one
resents he only harms himself physically, emotionally, and psychologically.