Let’s talk about: Last night’s Bachelor and the damsel in distress complex

Those are two phrases I cannot stand. No one wants to get hurt and mostly everyone has. Duh. That doesn’t mean you can use those phrases as excuses not to get close to someone, for attention and/or to act like a jerk and not have to apologize for it. Those two phrases only inadvertently sabotage happiness.

On The Bachelor last night, Ashley H. had major trouble opening up to Brad and answering any and all questions he was asking about their possible future together. She side-stepped them like a champ and went back to eating her dinner as if nothing was happening. Thankfully, Brad wasn’t letting her off the hook and when he pressed on about why she was avoiding his questions, she finally responded with, “I guess I’m just protecting myself.”

Lame.

In real life, we’re not as closely competing with others for the heart of our “one true love.” If you are, it’s because you’re in high school.

But, as far as the show goes, when you’re one of the three remaining women, it’s a little (lot) late to use that line of BS. It’s completely acceptable — and almost tradition — to use it in the beginning of the show when you’re one of many women. But then the bachelor, like a knight in shining armor, breaks through the wall, holds a shield in front of the fair maiden and assures her she’ll never get hurt again. The fair maiden then opens up completely to the bachelor/knight as if she forgoes any idea or fear she’ll be sent packing — and they live happily ever after until the show is over.

If people are able to do that for a TV show, whether they’re faking it or not, why can’t we do that in real life?

To me, there is nothing attractive, endearing or interesting about someone who says they have a wall up, have been burned in the past and don’t want to get hurt again. I think, “OK. Then I’ll stay away.” It’s baggage, plain and simple.

I’d make a terrible knight.

p.s. After watching last night, I really, really want to go to South Africa.

Amanda Talar

27 Responses

I knew Ashely would go, they are not on the same page at all, I don’t think after last night they are not even reading the same book. I said from the beginning its Chantel and Emily and I love Emily! South Africa looks beautiful!! I loved the tree house, how cool would that be!

Me too! The best part of the episode last night was seeing South Africa. That’s pretty much the only reason I kept it on. As for Ashley, too little wayyyy too late. I mean, what did she expect? It’s not like she was the only one there, of course she was going to have to open up to even be considered for the top 2. Totally her fault.

Unfortunately, Ashley is going to be alone until she realizes being afraid or having the wall is not helping. Many people have this problem completely being open to another and hopefully its something we all get over eventually and live life and relationships to the fullest.

I’m gonna go a different way and say that I think Ashley is the only one being realistic and not just blindly saying “I am truly falling in love with you, Brad” like the script calls for. She’s just not sure if she wants to uproot her life to be with Brad. She certainly could have expressed herself better than she did, but really, who can say with certainty that they are feeling 100% ready to make this leap. I thought she was trying to say that she is “open” to relocating but she needs to see where this relationship is going to go before she can state, “Yes, I want to move to Austin!” She appears to have had a successful, fulfilling life before this show and it would take a lot to make her leave all that behind and move to Austin. Reading between the lines now…she seems to have some awareness that this is all unrealistic fantasy land and too early to tell if it’s worth changing her whole life for. I think that’s an entirely more realistic way of thinking! IMO, the remaining 3 (now 2) are all too good for Brad! No personality at all!

does the girl on the far right of the platform look like she either has an itch or got stung by a bee in the photo??? She (they all) signed up to be on a reality show to maybe find their husband, maybe fall in love….and they are gonna play the I don’t wanna get hurt card??? LAME…..unless her fantasy date didn’t go so well??? Did Brad have to call his therapist????

How annoying is it that Brad says “this is the most beautiful place in the world” each week?!? Don’t get me wrong – a trip to South Africa is definitely on my travel wish list, but really? Each week he says the same.damn.thing!

Amanda, I love your thoughts on this .. You are so right on so many levels. It made me think the next time someone tells me they have a wall up or dont want to get hurt again to realize it is baggage. Baggage I dont need.

Amanda, I agree with you about “I don’t want to get hurt” and “I have a wall up” because it does portray baggage, but a lot of people use those lines all the time. I really think its a crock of BS and people really need to stop playing BS games in the dating world.

thats right manders, love is a risk, and if you dont take risks you wont find REAL love! you cant control it no matter how hard you try! you cant manage it, or even have a pageant to find it! Love is risk, its about taking a chance! and sometimes you do have to open up!

To me, it’s obviously going to be Chantel “winning” the fiance. Brad chose the wrong girls to bring to the end. In my opinion, Brad still wants to party, walk the red carpets, travel, etc… Chantel is the one he can do those things with. I know he said otherwise, but I don’t believe, one bit/not at all, that he’s ready to be a stepdad… so, bye bye Emily. Also, I think the show is reaching, or reached last night, unwatchable status.

I totally agree with no. 4 (mytwocents). Also, I think brad has an out-of-synch problem. He says things like, I really love seeing you but he is not looking at the person when he says it. Weird! I kind of feel sorry for him. I like Brad but I think he’s a mess and I think we haven’t seen the real Brad. Why do I say this? When Brad talks it sounds like he reading a childs book to children. You know, Spot jumped over log.

In my opinion, Ashley woke up from this fantasy she was in and realized by Brads questioning that she really didn’t desire a relationship with Brad if it meant leaving her family and friends- That’s why she couldn’t answer his question. You witnessed Ashley waking up to what Brad was there for. A wife to take back to Austin.

I thought Emily was going to go home last night, and then it would be Chantal and Ashley H. in the final episode. Now that I think about it, he has spent a lot of extra time with Emily and I can tell he really likes her. I thought it was dumb that he was afraid to kiss Emily while Ricky was upstairs going to bed. Well, Brad, if you pick Emily, Ricky is never going to leave and will always be upstairs for bed, right?

OK, I watched the final 3 show before Idol last night…..my opinion based on “looks” now is def. Emily. Chantal scares him IMO, I think Brad is intimidated by her ability to say it like it is. After watching his conversation with Emily, where she said she is falling in love with him, he puts his head down and then he said, “I don’t care but I have to respond” and say he is falling in love with her…I’d be willing to bet lunch with anyone that Emily is who he picks…the Bachelor/ette NEVER reveals his or hers feelings in any prior show before the final rose ceremony. His reaction to her telling him that was more of a look of relief or internally saying YES she is falling for me….like I said…would be willing to bet a lunch on it!! 🙂

I was soley basing my opinion last week, saying Chantal was the most attractive, on the pic. shot you posted of the 3 gals…..after watching (finally) to see what I thought abuot the girls, I think Em is the most attractive easily over Chantal and the former contestant Ash…veneer dentures or not…..

also, watching that safari with Chantal made me want to go to Animal Kingdom, climb the tree of life and play SIMBA……. 😉

My 2 cents = I like both Chantel and Emily. Chantel is more open and seems like she’d be fun to be around. She’s spontaneous and doesn’t have any problem telling him what she thinks. Emily is VERY wholesome. She’s very sweet and quiet (if I heard her say “oh my gosh” “Oh my Heavens” one more time I was going to scream!). If he’s looking for someone to take care of, he should pick Emily. If he’s looking for someone that is ready to have adventures and fun, he should pick Chantel.

Lisa — I agree. I like Emily better, but not for Brad. Chantal and Brad seem to click the most, personality-wise. And, she’s 28, while Emily is only 24. Brad is 37. I think Brad is smitten with Emily because she’s so easy to like and completely gorgeous. She’s the girl he is happy to know he can “get” and I think that’s where it would stop with him.

It also seems Brad is looking for someone who has money or comes from money.

BlacqButtafly — Deal. But I don’t think I’d like a helicopter ride. Scary!

I don’t watch the show but I totally agree with you that those phrases are lame excuses for being indecisive and selfish. Just say what it is you really feel. If it’s true that Ashley ‘woke up from the fantasy,’ as No. 4 suggested, then she should just say, ‘Look Brad, I’ve had a change of heart and I don’t think you/this is for me.’ Plain and simple.

Anyway, I wanna go to South Africa sooooooooooooooooooooooooo badly so let me know when you plan your trip Amanda! 🙂

I also agree with #4 and #13. I personally think Ashley was too smart for Brad and he isn’t looking for someone educated or who wants a professional career. It also seemed like he had all ready made up his mind before the date with Ashley even began. In many instances he didn’t let her answer him or his questions were so disjointed it made it difficult for her to give him a cohesive answer. It is my understanding that he picks Chantel and that Ashley is the next Bachelorette.

Amanda – I think we might see a different side of her if she is the next Bachelorette. I think the Bachelor brought out a lot of insecurity in her from competing with lots of other women for one man and hopefully there will be men who can actually hold a conversation. Brad’s lack of really being able to communicate is frustrating.