Girl: Men are dicks.Friend: It’s alright. You’ll get a new guy soon — you’re cute!Girl: I know. I’m just sad.Friend: Well, the sun will come out tomorrow. Have you ever heard of it being cloudy forever? No, because that’s impossible… Except for after a nuclear holocaust, in which case you should just kill yourself.

Chick #1: He was being all flirty and nice and asked me to meet him out dancing.Chick #2: He is so cute. What did you say?Chick #1: Hell no. He’s married. I heard that and ran like a hooker from the cops…

Male employee: I need to take a crap.Girl coworker: Thanks for sharing.Male employee: I have been waiting, though.Girl coworker: Why?Male employee: Because after that the highlight of my work day is done.

20-ish guy: Hi, I’m Pete.Teen chick: Hi, I’m Karen.20-ish guy: I’m normally really shy, but being as how I am on this train, and you are on this train, I figured I’d introduce myself. Do you have a boyfriend?Teen chick: No.20-ish guy: Great! I don’t have a girlfriend, either — we just broke up. Where are you heading?Teen chick: Court.20-ish guy: That’s great! I just came from court myself!

Tourist: Is this the 1:13 to Trenton?Suit: No.Tourist: Oh, well, where is that?Suit: Are you just, like, picking track numbers and hoping for the best? Go read the screen, you dumbass.Tourist: You don’t have to be rude.Suit: You don’t have to be stupid.