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Wednesday, July 31, 2013

How to Let Go of the Past

One of the toughest phases
in life is when you are trying to get over a relationship. It is hard to
forget that one person who had meant the world to you. Letting go of the continuous
thoughts about them and those precious memories can be torturous. At one or
other time, we have all gone through this phase.
But in order to survive, we need to let go. We need to release the sadness, the
loneliness and the haunting memories.

Why is it so important
to let go?

When we hold on to the
past, we do not grow out of it. We continue to remain in our past and the
present and future slips unnoticed through our hands. This quote explains this
better.

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you
forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the
situation is over, you cannot move forward.”

― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human
Experience

There are many methods
to let go; I am writing about a few, which I have known to be helpful. These
methods are efficient in letting go anything you associate with a person or an
event. Be it anger, frustration, bitterness or stress.

The Methods:

1) Write about
it:

Take out a notebook,
write about the person or experience you wish to let go. You can write it in
the form of a letter if you wish to.

Write your heart out;
express your feelings without bothering about grammar, proper language or
order. Write whatever is coming to your mind when you think about it. Continue
writing; Tears may flow, you may start to feel overwhelmed but continue with
your writing.

Once you have
put everything you feel on paper, read it again. This time you will again drown
in the same emotions. Once you finish reading, tear out the pages and burn.
Affirm to yourself that the flames are taking away all your worries and thank
them for the courage it is giving you.

Repeat this until
you are feeling less and less in the trap of your memories. You can do this
once a week or once a month, as you feel necessary.

This is the easiest
method.

2) Treat it as a
lesson you had to learn:

Everything that
happens in our life happens for a reason. Every person comes into our life with
a lesson. Identify the lesson this person or event gave you.

Often when we
understand what we learnt from the experience, there is a sense of closure. May
be that person had taught you to love and to be loved, may be he/she had made
you start loving yourself, maybe she/ he was the one who gave you that push in
the right direction. He/she may have been your light.

Remember what the
experience taught you and let go of it, as you have done with many other
lessons you have learned in the past.

3) Remember to
remember:

When we are in a relationship,
which is the best part of our lives, we have it etched as a part of our
emotional system. If it suddenly ends, we cannot let go because this person was
part of our best memories.

We all know, human
beings are not perfect. There is bound to be bad memories about the same person
as well. Remember to remember those bad moments. When a bit of negative
thoughts come in about the person, you will find it easier to forget.

Most of the time, when
we remember a person we love, we just remember the good times and conveniently
forget the bad times. Nothing is perfect, ever… Try asking friends/ relatives
for help. You may not remember. But they might.

4) Empty the cache of
memories one by one:

If you are grieving
over a person who left you for another, it is time to empty the bin of all
his/her memories. Delete phone numbers and photos from your phone or computer.
Throw away any other memorabilia. Do it with the intention of letting go. Do it
one at a time.

You will realize you
are better off without this extra load of memories.

Let go of them. If you
want to fill your glass, first it has to be empty. Empty your life of past
memories so you can start creating new ones.

5)Stop following them
or stalking them on social networks.

In this highly
connected world, technology often makes it hard to forget. Memories comes
haunting when you are bombarded by old photos, messages or even their latest
photo update which proclaim they don't have a place for you in their life
anymore.

Unfollowthem on the networking sites; block them. You
can't think of forgetting someone by keeping on looking at their photos, their
updates or tweets.

Stop yourself every
time you feel the need to visit his/her profile; even anonymously. Stalking
never brought back anyone their ex-boyfriend / girl friend.

Go on a technology
fast when you feel overwhelmed by the memories. Switch off your
phone and disconnect the internet.

6) Enjoy being single:

Go out and do things
you like to do, now that you are single.

Watch funny movies,
catch up with friends, listen to peppy songs, and visit that art gallery you
were wishing to go. Do whatever you feel like. Visualize the happy single you,
instead of visualizing the sad lonely you.

Laugh. Learn new
things to do; craft, art or baking. Anything, to keep you busy…