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Thursday, 19 January 2006

Save Academic Freedom: Tell UCLAProfs.com To Turn It Up A Notch!

Hard-core conservatives like myself are appalled, I say, appalled by how many patently liberal professors Andrew Jones doesn't condemn. A quick study of the English department demonstrates how insufficient Jones' list is. He ignores, for example, Blake Allemendinger, who wrote a book with the word "labor" in the title. What of Christopher C. Baswell, so invidious a liberal he withholds his interests for fear of conservative backlash but includes his middle initial in his name. Who does he think he is? John F. Kennedy? We know he wants to be.

Then there's Lynn Batten. A woman. Need I say more? Ali Behdad? Ali? Anti-semite. King-Kok Cheung is 1) a foreigner, 2) a graduate of UC Berkeley and 3) interested in gender. Gender. Why not call this "English" Department what it is? The Department of Destroying the Nuclear Family.

I thought I had found an ally in Michael Colacurcio, author of "A Poise of the Spirit," until I saw he had also written Doctrine and Difference. Doctrine? Fine. But Difference? That sounds like multiculturalism to my American ears. I'm sure he and Alicia Gaspar de Alba stay up all night discussing "Chicano/a Art" and giggle like little brown girls during Cristina's commercial breaks.

What about Rachel Lee? Dual appointment with English and Women's Studies. How do you spell "me-search"? At UCLA you can also spell it M-C-H-E-A-C-H-E-R-N or M-C-H-U-G-H. "They will never take our FREEDOM"? Not if these two Scottish "rebels" have their druthers. But Ms. Lesbian Lee and the Department's Scottish Feministas haven't cornered the radical leftist market on attacking the sanctity of marriage.

Anne Mellor wrote an entire book on Women's Political Writing in England. Were there not enough men to study, Ms. Mellor? Or could they not stand the stench of your tangled, unwashed pits? Jinqi Ling, an illegal immigrant, writes Marxist propaganda in classic diversity double-speak: Ideology and Form in Asian American Literature? Go back to China, Ms. Ling! No American wants to hear about your precious Chairman Mao.

I could attack this den of anti-American activists for the rest of my life, but the wife says the brisket's done. Little Nancy and Sally are setting the table as I speak. How do you think all those queers, foreigners and women would respond to that?

It's worse than you think. Lynn Batten is male. In fact, his full name is CHARLES Lynn Batten. Unpacking the significance of his preference for an androgynous moniker is left as an exercise for the reader.