President Obama has confirmed what Newt Gingrich first announced: Mitt Romney is a vampire.

President Obama has confirmed what Newt Gingrich first announced: Mitt Romney is a vampire.

Reporters thought that President Obama was merely calling Mitt Romney a vampire in a figurative way – making the claim that Mitt Romney is a heartless, job-destroying financier. A n attack on Mr. Romney’s record as head of Bain Capita Brain Capital.

But today, the White House released DNA evidence that “proves being a shadow of a doubt” that Mitt Romney is a, in fact, a real life bloodsucker.

And there are rumors that his wife is a vampire as well:

Will this line of assault work for Mr. Obama, where it didn’t for Mr. Gingrich?

“We think that it will actually help our candidate,” said a source close to Mitt Romney. “President Obama announced that he was gay and it seems to have helped him in the polls. There are a lot of pro-vampire voters in the country and we think Mitt will get a bump in the polls from the revelation.”

Here’s a new supporter of Mitt Romney:

So when did Mitt Romney become a vampire?

Sources say that Mitt was a normal, superrich man until after the 2008 primary elections. “He took his loss to John McCain very hard and he sort of went into a cave,” said a source close to the Romney campaign. “The next time we saw him he just was biting everybody, looking for blood. We were scared at first, but now everybody is used to it. It actually makes him cool.”