4 Ways Santa Claus Gets Down and Dirty

Here are four ways that Santa gets down and dirty on Christmas Eve.

When you’re a kid, Christmas means presents, cookies and family. As an adult, Christmas also means tape stuck to every surface, flour all over the kitchen, and family drama. But the biggest mess of all may actually be Santa. Here are four ways that Santa gets down and dirty on Christmas Eve.

1. Chimney soot. Does shimmying down millions of chimneys in a single night sound like a good way to keep a red velvet suit clean? By the time he’s finished with a single suburban block, Santa looks like a character from a classic novel. That’s why the elves keep a charged sleigh-vac at the ready.

2. Cookie crumbs. Every kid leaves a cookie for Santa, and no one can resist cookies. Especially when they have free reign to eat as many as they can in 12 hours. Let’s face it, Santa is essentially binge eating, and that’s gonna make a mess. If he leaves a chocolate chip stain on your table cloth, try this.

3. Reindeer droppings. No one likes to talk about this, but the reindeer have a long haul ahead of them so what do you expect? They’re living magical creatures. And this means that Santa’s boots can get magically messy. Fortunately the elves stock up on Black Friday.

4. Mud. Sure, in picturesque paintings, snow is white and perfect. The first day. But if the temperature warms up even a stitch, Santa is navigating mud puddles on your roof. And then walking with wet boots across your linoleum.

There you have it. Give it up for the heavyset guy in the hot, red suit! And maybe hire a chimney sweep to clean your flue before December 25th. Just to be nice.