The Upsetting Connection Between Your Partner’s Stress and Your Weight

It’s an irritating fact of life that stress often leads to weight gain, in large part thanks to a lovely little hormone called cortisol, which revs your appetite and slows your metabolism when you’re under pressure. A new study out of the University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research suggests that your partner’s stress levels can lead you to put on pounds, too. Excellent! Except, you know, not at all.

Over four years, researchers followed 2,042 people who had been in opposite-sex marriages for an average of 34 years at the beginning of the study, measuring their waistlines, giving them physical exams, and asking them questions about their stress levels, their partners’ stress levels, and their happiness in their marriages. Both male and female participants’ average weights had increased at the end of the four years, which isn’t surprising, since many people gain weight over time: While 59% of the men and 64% of the women had heightened risk of obesity at the beginning of the study, 66% of men and 70% of women had heightened risk of obesity at its conclusion.

Interestingly, though, the researchers found that partners’ stress levels were more predictive of individuals’ weight gain than were individuals’ own stress levels. What’s more, the researchers write, "Higher perceived negative marital quality among husbands and lower negative marital quality among wives exacerbated the positive link between partner stress and waist circumference" — meaning that wives were most likely to gain weight when their husbands were both stressed and unhappy in their marriages, while husbands were most likely to gain weight when their wives were stressed and happy in their marriages. What?

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Researchers offered two depressing possible explanations for this second phenomenon. It’s possible that stressed-out women who were satisfied with their relationships were married to dudes who were passive and disengaged (and perhaps none too satisfied themselves) — not necessarily the makings of a loving union, but maybe the makings of one with little conflict or negativity directed by the husband at the wife. Another possibility is that women who are satisfied in their marriages have supportive husbands who take on the women’s stress, increased cortisol levels, midnight pints of ice cream, and all. While communication and understanding are the underpinnings of a healthy relationship, sympathy weight isn’t likely to make anyone feel better. And while this study was of older adults, it points to one more reason to learn to manage your stress effectively now — and get your boo to do the same.