I really relished the Disney Princess Half Marathon Weekend. In fact, I thought it was an incredible opportunity to live it up! However, I had no idea you would embarresingly post pictures and videos and create a vision for the world of just how horrific I look in workout attire, how awkward I run, and how ridiculous I am after running 13.1 miles.

I spent way too much on this event. Mickey, you can be confident I will not exceed my budget when it comes to purchasing this memorabilia. I guess, your social media accomplished one thing: proof to the world that fat women CAN run. Yee haw. Girls, I did it!

If only I had known, I would have spruced up before the 4a bus ride, put on some make up, worn something more flattering and less frumpish.

All in all, your disregard for my race-privacy-wish does not inhibit my fancy for the Disney Princess Half Marathon. It was an unbelievably, marvelous time. Thanks for a show stopping princess-of-an-event that helped me reach my goals and gave me an opportunity to revel in girl time.

Beatrice debuted her dancing skills before her parents last week. It was the first time we have seen her in class. It was so much fun. We were really impressed. Mom kept Whitaker so that we could fully enjoy the performance. Brian and I both smiled the entire hour. It was so funny.

These were impromptu. Brian recorded from his phone so ignore the clarity. I hope you enjoy them!!!

This mommy-poem arrived via email today. It is spine-chillingly true in a weird sort-of-way. There must be a fly on the wall about here. A biographist he must be. This sounds exactly like a typical chain of events here in hulsey-ville.

If you give a mom a muffin,
She’ll want a cup of coffee to go with it.
So she’ll pour herself some.
The coffee will get spilled by her three year old.
She’ll wipe it up.

Wiping the floor, she will find some dirty socks.
She’ll remember she has to do some laundry.
When she puts the laundry in the washer,
She’ll trip over some snow boots and bump into the freezer.
Bumping into the freezer will remind her she has to plan supper for tonight.

She will get out a pound of hamburger.
She’ll look for her cookbook. (101 Things To Make With a Pound of
Hamburger.)
The cookbook is sitting under a pile of mail.
She will see the phone bill which is due tomorrow.
She will look for the checkbook.

The checkbook is in her purse that is being dumped out by her two year old.
She’ll smell something funny.
She’ll change the two year old.
While she is changing the two year old the phone will ring. (Of course!)
Her five year old will answer it and hang up.

She remembers that she wants to phone a friend to come over for coffee on
Friday.
Thinking of coffee will remind her that she was going to have a cup.
She will pour herself some.
And chances are,
If she has a cup of coffee,
Her kids will have eaten the muffin that went with it.

The Good HusbandJack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company’s party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn’t taste like alcohol at all. He didn’t even remember how he got home from the party.
As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wif e in lipstick: ‘Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian’
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper.
His 16 year old son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, ‘Son, what happened last night?’
‘Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.. Confused, he asked his son, ‘So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??’
His son replies, ‘Oh THAT…Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, ‘Leave me alone, I’m married!!’

Okay Brian, you CAN go to the Peep Show.

I am bedazzled. Really, I mean, it is unbelievable that Julius Caesar’s people, who must have been busy calculating ways to murder him, still had time to figure out that the 365 day calendar wasn’t matching up with the Earth’s rotation, actually 365 days….and ¼.

They’re baackkkk. The singing pirates are back in the freecreditreport.com New Car Commercial. And, I love it. This barnstorm of commercials is so funny to me. Admittedly, it sounds bonkers but sometimes I like commercials more than television shows. While I wangle a short attention span, I have an advertising degree in custody. This interesting coupling of traits makes me an ad agencies dream. Yes Madison Avenue, I am JUST who you are looking for!

Anyway, here is my new fave commercial.

Eric Violette is the actor in each of the commercials of freecreditreport.com campaign. And, no he is not in a real band. Rather, he is a comedian.

The lyrics: Well I’m shopping for a new car, which one’s me? A cool convertible or an SUV. Too bad I didn’t know my credit was whacked, so I driving off the lot in a used sub-compact.F-R-E-E, that spells “free”, credit report dot com baby. Saw their ads on my TV. Thought about goin’ but was too lazy.Now instead of lookin’ fly I’m looking fat, my legs are sticking to the vinyl and my posse’s getting laughed at.F-R-E-E, that spells “free”, credit report dot com baby…

blogging fog

The Rambling Housewifehas heard that you can get hooked on blogging. WHAT? No freaking way! Like crack? Oh, yeah baby. And, I mean Mama Crank.

Checking your stats can become habit forming. While you can become enslaved to the posts of your favorite blogs — checking religiously for updates. Hmm…what IS the financial tip from The Simple Dollar today? And, How IS The Christiansons Life? Inquiring minds must know, know, know. Oh, yes. I forgot I am writing this post. Ut-hum. Pardon me. There goes my bloggy mind again!

Since I only recently joined the blogosphere, I am surprised by what a popular part of my day blogging is. I love it! I can’t believe that I want to go to the Savannah Blogging Conference. Or, that I would like to see Daisy’s contribution to Artful Blogging (a real, printed magazine about blogging). But, I do. I really like blogging. It’s my favorite new hobby. It’s my escape from the laundry loads that await, the mundane excitement levels of my day, the noisy-ness of a house with a child and two dogs. It is a way for me to share pictures of Beatrice and Barry with my sister, my Aunt’s, my Uncles, my husband’s family, my mom and Brian’s mom. It’s my time for me, just me and only me, me, me! It is the only “me” thing in my day, most days.

Admittedly, blogging is fetching, haunting and down-right addictive. But, when you feel the monkey on your back like when blogging takes up too much of your time, or distracts you from the things in your life that are important it’s time to back off, to obstain from the daily shot. Get your kicks with you family, away from the computer. Get simple, like Boys Rule My Life.

I edit the time stamps some times so that the posts fall out over a period of days. It keeps me in the daily sphere – but more on my time. That is just a tip from mwa.

Put daily walks in your bag to smoke. And, get off the darn computer. Get a life for goodness sakes, a breath of fresh air. Get hooked on peace, love, and the people that you adore.

Screeching in the driveway 15 minutes late, Beatrice and I abruptly and barely put-together arrived at our morning date to “bead.” As newbies to the craft we had to make a last minute run to Wal-mart in the rain to purchase beads at 9:00 a.

Even I, the not-s0-crafty mother, have to admit it was fun. My finery was less spectacular than the other three beaders, but it was fun to make. Their pieces look really, really good. But, mine is just right for me. I like it!

As I attempted to take a photo of my work, a saga unfolded. Watch and see:

Okay, I found another commercial that I like. It’s hilarious. Maybe I am watching more television than I have been disclosing. The ad I am referring to is the Free Credit Report Dot Com Pirate Commercial. Doesn’t it make you laugh?

Apparently: Because of Identity theft, a man is forced to work in fish food restaurant and where a pirate suit. He and fellow scallywags sing about it.

Lyrics:

They say a man should always dress for the job he wants
so why am I dressed up like a pirate in this restaurant.
It’s all because some hacker stole my identity.
Now I’m in here every evening serving chowder and iced tea.
Should have gone to freecreditreport.com (yeehaa!)
I could have seen this coming at me like an atom bomb.
They monitor your credit and send you email alerts.
So you don’t end up selling fish to tourists in t-shirts.

Officemax’s marketing team did a super job this year. This is a fantastic way to drive traffic to their site. Of course, the Hulsey’s didn’t want to be upstaged. I tried to elf-ourselves but it “timed out” twice. Bah-humbug for the Hulseys. We can not be elfed!

Several people sent me this. Normally, I get rather bothered by forwards. However, this is a good one. I love the necklace! I hate to be a gater hater, but…well, I am just bred that way.

So, huh, the winner is Tim Tebow. The irony of this situation is ridicuolous. As a Georgia fan, I automatically take issue with Tim winning the Heisman. But it is more than that. Not only has Timmy never beaten Auburn. His team has 3 losses. Wow. That is funny. I always thought wins and losses were a key ingredient to the complicated algorithm used to choose the winner. I am not good with algorithms anyway. Maybe I am just confused. Or maybe the old rules just don’t apply now. It was the main argument, however, when Peyton Manning was snubbed in 97 for Charles Woodson (Eric Berry’s stats this year are better than Woodson’s in 1997). “Peyton can’t beat Florida!”…oh the irony.

My tree is kind of bare without a tree topper or a garland. My creativity has run dry as I searched on the internet for ideas. Low and behold, you won’t believe what I found. It is so bizarre that I have to share it. I mean, you just won’t believe the creativity of some people. Please don’t think I am repulsive, or that I will adorne our tree top with this number. But, this is just so well, over the top. I have to show it to you. Where do you think people find the time to come up with things like this?

Christmas Tree Topper: Made with Tampons

Nothing Says Christmas like a Tampon Christmas Star at the top of the tree, right?

These pristine snowflakes make a perfect glittery Christmas tree topper, or hang a few in the window for some holiday sparkle. Go to Tampon Crafts.com to see how to make this one for yourself.

Okay, since I have had a Statesboro theme lately I can not resist showing you this fine display of South Georgia talent.

Hell LOW flesh peddlers, your talent search will come to a halt upon feasting your eyes on this commercial. It’s great to know there are a few souls with aptitude in the Bulloch County area. Who said, “white redneck men can’t dance?”

I have GOT to share this. If you do not do any thing else today, you must find a computer with sound and watch this. I promise, you are going to smile. It is absolutely ridiculous.

This one goes out to Amy — my long left the ‘boro, we went to the science fair in the 8th grade, I am super smart, beautiful friend Amy. You, anyone who lives in Statesboro but does not have cable, former Statesboro residents, and well, just anybody have need to see this. This is a a real commercial created and aired right here in the ‘boro. You either hate it or you love it. For those of you who do not live here anymore, this is a reminder of why you relocated. Yes, this commercial won Northland Cables BEST COMMERCIAL one year. I am serious. When this is the cream of the crop, you have a good idea about the quality level of programming we experience in rural Georgia.

Brinnng. Brinnnng. The phone rang furiously. My bottem was in-air as I was bent over the front seat, seat-belt unlatched to try to catch the caller. Like a dog trying to unearth a bone, I frantically dug in the baby bag, pocket book, and shopping sacks while my hiney shined at passersby. Brinnng. Brinnnnng. One hand in, one hand out. My body was tinkering. Got it. Upon locating my phone, I held the prize as I quickly scooted into normal passenger mode.

“Hello,” I answered. There was no dial tone. The voice mail answered before I could. Rats!

As I listened to the message, Brian began to laugh uncontrollably. “I was calling to see if you wanted a T-shirt,” the caller recorded. Hysterically, my husband tears with laughter. “We are placing orders for the MOMs Club T-shirts. Do you want one,” the message continued. In true St. Nick fashion my husband bounces up in down in the drivers seat with laughter. Jolly old Brian’s entire body vibrated with cackles of amusement until tears came to his eyes.

“Babe, you have to tell me what is so funny,” I told him. He withheld. I pursued. Finally, he confided: that is the funniest thing that I have ever heard. Apparently, the thought of MOMs Club apparel brings him shrieking with merriment. “This is over-the-top,” he howled still bubbling with snickers. Before he could contain his chuckles, I told him that I had actually ALREADY ordered one. I bought one as soon as I found out about it! In fact, I can’t wait for it to come in.

“That’s great,” he cheerfully tittered. “That is so great. I am glad to see you are so excited about being a Mom.”

We retired the conversation, as I sat smugly rolling my eyes at his amusement and he sat face-strapped-with-a-smile. I still do not know what is so funny about having a T-shirt for the MOMs Club. I have Rotary Club T-shirts, old sorority t-shirts, Ga-Fl T-shirts, and shirts for banks and every other establishment in town. I guess he doesn’t think the MOMs club is a serious club. I guess he doesn’t think that changing diapers repeatedly every day, planning menus, shopping for ingredients, entertaining a 7 month old with music, toys, dancing, and conversation warrents a garment. But, it does. We deserve so much more than a lousy t-shirt. Actually, Moms deserve a trophy. And you know, we have one, or two, or three, or even four. Each new family member, with their toothless grins and warm kisses, is trouphy enough. So, I guess he is right afterall. We don’t JUST deserve a t-shirt, though, we deserve more.

Speaking of T-Shirts and Dads, I think this guy has a clue. I believe I am going to order one of these for dear old Papa Brian!

Someone sent this to me. And, I probably should not post it especially since I will not be posting for a few days. It is going to appear at the top of my blog. Oh, no. It will serve as my hostess, it will be right in the foyer waving hello to all those who pass. But, here goes. If you got a kick out of the Senator Craig debacle you will chuckle. It really is funny.

Okay, okay. Everyone is taking this shooting thing way too serious. Someone sent me an email with a link to this number. Some things are pretty in pink. Other things are not. Besides, I am not even in the clay challenge any more. So, everyone can back off. And, keep your jokes to yourself. Although, I must admit they make me laugh. That considered, keep sending the jokes. They are really funny. I love them!

If you REALLY are interested in a Pink Remington Shot Gun, then here are a few links for the fashion minded gun enthusiasts:

Why ride a bumper car, when you can ride a bumper bike?

I haven’t seen this at the fair yet. But, it’s just a matter of time. When it catches on it’s going to be great. You know what, I have a better concept. Brian can ride something like this is the Ogeechee Fair Parade next year and really drum up some business for redbpower. There’s nothing like cheap advertising. He will have the power to bump YOU up.

You know what, on second thought maybe he and the fellas should ride in the company Limo. I better shhhish my mouth, or he will show up for our anniversary in one of these!