Ozzy Breaks Hip, Ozzfest Cancelled

Ozzy reportedly slipped on a pile of dog doo in his home and broke his hip. Ozzy’s immediate comments were “I’m gonna fucking kill that dog. I’m going to fucking kill ALL of them and eat them! Then I won’t have to worry about falling in piles of dog shit in my own house, much less replacing carpets and furniture.”

The tragic event was caught on video and is expected to air on The Osbournes’ second season soon. Viewership of the show is expected to skyrocket around the episode in which the footage is aired, but then drop sharply afterward.

Ozzy later addressed the impact of his injury on this year’s Ozzfest.

“Some of the fans encouraged me to sing anyway, but I just can’t fucking do that. If I can’t get around and fire the crowd up, I just can’t do it. Do you know what I say tho those kids? Go to fucking Lollapalooza this year! It’s almost the same shit, but I won’t be there.”

Based on above statements, we do not forsee another Ozzfest in the future…Ever.