Send me email updates about messages I've received
on the site and the latest news from The CafeMom Team.By signing up, you certify that
you are female and accept the Terms of Service and have read the
Privacy Policy.

How do I deal with this crap?

I have two step kids, both boys, ages 6 and 8. My husband and I have been together for 4 years. I was well aware of the kids when we got together. I am so sick and tired of their bullshit. They treat their dad like shit and walk all over everyone and act like that are better than everyone. They lie all the time and are soo damn rude to everyone. I am tired of dealing with it. I have bent over backwards for them and only got shit on. I am to the point where I don't want them in mine and my kids' lives. I dread every minute they are here and can not wait til they go home. Is it time for a divorce?

i take it they live with their mom and are probably thinking they should be able to get away with whatever they get away with with her. and i get that. so heres what i do at my home for these kind of behaviors. first of all at their ages the best way to punish them is to take away there most treasured objects, for my daughter its the mp3 player. and also that punishment works only when used sparingly, use punishment only as a last resort.....instead everytime they do any little thing right tell them how happy you are about it. it is better for them because it makes them want to behave rather than you having to force them to behave, so if once out of 5 times he says something nice rather than being a jerk, make a huge deal out of the one time he was nice and just pretend he is not there when he is mean.

What is your husband's stance on this? I don't blame you. It's not good for you to have to deprogram or explain their crappy behavior to your kids when there's no good excuse. I'd talk to your husband and say it's enough. It'll only get worse. He and you need to come up with a parenting strategy and family meeting to say you're both DONE. Sit them down, lay down the law and if they can't behave, tell them to move out to their moms.

though you are not their mother you are sitll their fathers wife. i would sit down with your husband and let him know how you're feeling. Then talk to the kids. let them know that you are not gonna put up with it and maybe consider counceling. maybe they are having issues with their parents divorce and know that they can get away with bad behavior because of the guilt their parents and family have for having to deal with all of this. Its very common in split families. kids are very good at playing off of the guilt. good luck. dont let it tear you and your husband apart

I go through similar things every other week with a step daughter. The games, the whining, the pushing over of daddy, the spoiled rotten tantrums, the lying, etc. You need to tell your husband that the lack of respect and lack of parenting on his part is also a disrespect for you. You should also talk to the ex-wife (if possible) and see if the same behavior is going on over there. Things seem to run a little smoother when ALL parents are on the same page with the children. The kids need to understand that behavior is not tolerated any longer if agreed on by your husband. It's either that, or that kids want you to split. In that case, therapy is definitely in the cards. Good luck!!

--OP here-- My husband and I's relationship is great. I have SO much fun with him (better then about 6 months ago). We don't fight when the kids are here (which is every other weekend and two days a week) but when I punish them I feel like I am being shunned b/c I was "too hard" on them or w/e. Like on Tues, before they left they left their x-box out. They had just gotten it back after about two weeks for not listening. Also they didn't clean out the cat box. I took pictures of the stuff to prove it to them that I was making it up but they just looked at me like I was an idiot. During all this their lil bro got mad for no reason (he's 16 months) and threw a toy so I busted his butt, then I looked at the other two and said "now look me in the eyes and tell me honestly that I treat your brother better than you b/c if one of you would have done that you would have gotten yelled at and that's it, I can't hit you b/c I'm not. . . .

Answer by
Anonymous
at 8:03 PM on Sep. 17, 2009

--op again--your mom" and they both just snickered like it was a joke. I have talked to my husband about it and the only thing he has said is to talk to them. We HAVE talked to them, we HAVE set rules, we HAVE set rewards. My god they have 2 360's, PS3, Wii, PS1, and all others you can think of. It has just gotten to the point to where I don't want to try anymore. I just wanna be done with them.

Answer by
Anonymous
at 8:05 PM on Sep. 17, 2009

--op--They were never married. As far as the ex. . . .she plays in on it. She lets them run her over, her and her parents do. She gives them whatever the want whenever they want it. They makes the rules, not her. She has no kind of authority and doesn't plan to have it either. they come over saying how much better it is over at their mom's than it is here. They even get to choose if they wanna be here or not. Like last weekend, something came up and we couldn't keep them Friday night. Saturday rolled around and they didn't wanna be here they wanted to spend the rest of the weekend with their grandma and grandpa so their mom let them. It was nice on my end but still it also makes it harder for us. IDK, I'm just to the point where I don't wanna be around when they are. It's sad to say but I can't take it.

Answer by
Anonymous
at 8:16 PM on Sep. 17, 2009

If you don't truly love your dh then yes time for a divorce, but you as an adult it is your job to dicipline them while they are there in YOUR home. Why doesn't your dh handle this?

Just make the best of it after all they are just kids it is not their fault for whatever reason their parents didn't make it. Just be happy he doesn't have daughters omg then you'd really be complaining. GL hang in there.