Wednesday, October 28, 2009

In some ways, I've been quite successful with my word for the year, focus. But not necessarily in a positive way.

I'm very much directing all attention to one thing at a time, obsessing about the next event on the calendar and not able to see beyond it. As soon as one thing is crossed off, I start fixing my targets on the next.

Example: Monday, as I've already mentioned, was a craptastic travel day for Joe. I spent the entire day tracking flights, timing connections, analyzing terminal maps. But the moment he txt'd me that he had landed safely at our home airport, I immediately shifted gears to worrying about my doctor's appointment the next day.

The appointment was more of the usual. It was the results of that last 24 hour tube up the nose and down the throat test. The words most prevalent in the findings were "inconclusive" and "borderline". Not much help. It's just my general fear of commitment biting me in the ass again. I can't commit to a bumper sticker on my car and I can't commit to anything the doctors can diagnose.

What's next on my list to worry obsessively about focus on? Not sure. I'm a little chill today. But give me five minutes and I'm sure I'll find something.

You worry too much and I don't worry enough! Seriously, sometimes my husband takes my non-worriedness as I-don't-careness. I promise I care but worrying about things does no good. It doesn't change the outcome so why spend time doing it? I guess that's just how I look at it.

My husband says I don't worry because I live with my head in the sand or with rose colored glasses on. I don't mind because I am happy this way and sleep well most nights. Worry never got anyone anywhere they really wanted to be so it seems a waste of time. Maybe,or should I worry?

About Me

It's a blog. I'll probably write stuff in it.
Me, I'm married, no kids, two cats, one boring job. My life isn't that exciting so I like to complicate things with overthinking, health issues, and anxiety attacks. I also enjoy reading, writing, travel (if I could control the anxiety attacks), wine, hockey, and music. And long walks on the beach. And a sugar daddy.