Thursday, October 28, 2010

Halloween is coming up on Sunday! I LOVE dressing up! It's so much fun to get into a costume and put on some make-up and go out to get rewarded for it (candy)!

As much as yes, we can just do it in in our own homes on days that are not the October 31st and have candy available to avoid any chance of it being haram, it's just not the same, even if it's almost exactly the same!! Going OUT is what makes Halloween! I'm dressing up at work tomorrow and maybe Saturday if I go to the zoo since it's a Halloween theme there, and definitely on Sunday to go out with my daughter for candy.

Now, I really don't want to start a debate, but since this is my blog I will not censure myself and I will just say that I simply do not believe going out for Halloween is haram. Its origins do not change what Halloween means to me (what it means to me is not haram, it just means dressing up, candy, intereacting with neighbours, etc.) and the "imitating the disbelievers" excuse is pure crap as far as I'm concerned. What about disbelievers is so bad that we should not imitate it??! Their haircuts? (yes, I've heard it said!) Wearing of pants? Wearing of other dress that is not traditional in Islam (whatever that even is)? Seriously, everything I've heard people come up with as a meaning for not imitating the disbelievers is on very outwardly things like speech, dress and activities (like birthday parties, etc.). What about being forbidden to do the things that MAKE them disbelievers?! Let's all strive to do good and be God-conscious and our intentions will be clear.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

I believe in letting people make their own decisions as long as they are not harming others. I don't think I have any right to judge what others are doing based on my own beliefs or any right to make them do things differently... I agree with people having the choice to do and believe what they do, but it doesn't mean I agree agree with everything everyone does!

One of those things is "hooking up" or having fuck friends as they call it. I think sex should be between two people in a serious relationship (whether legally married or not). My best friend and I were texting this morning and she was with a guy who is not her boyfriend. They have slept together. Used to be boyfriend-girlfriend a long time ago and since then have done it a few times. She wrote that she didn't know if she should do it. I told her she should probably just get him outta there as soon as possible. She wrote back that she wanted to have sex with him asked if I really thought he should leave. I wrote that it was her decision, but that it didn't seem wise to sleep with someone just like that. That it wouldn't help her find someone who would actually be a potential boyfriend. She countered that she knows him and that it's clear to both that they don't want to be in a relationship. Asked: "Can that be so bad?". I wrote that it was hard for me to say since I was more old fashioned and believed that sex should be between two people in a relationship. That if she believed otherwise, it was hard for me to advise.

It made me think... Is there actually a way to make my point to someone who might not believe in God (not sure 100% but she sure doesn't ever ask the question, "Would God approve of this?") and has a past that is much worse than what she is doing now? She is a great person, really... But sex-related things are her weakness...

Maybe showing her the big picture? One night with this guy might not change much, but not stopping this lifestyle will never allow her to get into the serious relationship she would want to find and will never allow her to have children which she really wants.

My best friend keeps getting hurt over and over. It never crossed my mind to meddle and contact the guy who has been making her feel that way myself, but I was there yesterday when he called her and was able to see that he doesn't know what it does to her when he calls and was able to see that she is completely unable to just end the whatever-it-is they have (which is supposed to be nothing). So for the first time since this started 4 years ago, I am considering sending him a message... I think it could help him to know how to avoid hurting her because I don't get the impression he does it on purpose... He just doesn't seem to know what it does.

They have been friends and friends with benefits for 4 years on and off and she is completely in love with him. He doesn't share those feelings and every time he gets a girlfriend he puts her on the side and she gets heartbroken and eventually there is a breakup and they become friends again. I have seen efforts from him trying to stay away from her so I think he knows what it does to her... Which is why I think my advice has good chances of being taken. If I contact him, I plan on telling him I don't know much about the situation and wouldn't normally meddle, but the little but that I know and saw made me want to send him a quick message...

Thursday, October 21, 2010

At work the boss anounced last week that he had a very rare cancer that has low chance of survival if found at stages 3-5 and is very hard to treat whatever stage it's found in. He didn't know what stage he was at or anything so really, hoping for the best was hoping for a low stage that had a good chance of survival past 5 years...

He comes to work today saying they did some final tests to find that the tumour is benign!! Praise God! What a scare to have! Made me think of dua and its impact... which brought me to the evil eye, but that's not related to *this* news, just related to what I want to write on dua. I will try to post on that later!

Anyway... Praise God, my boss is going to be OK. I might not like some stuff about my work and might not respect exactly what it is that this company does (high interest loans) but my boss is still a good person overall and we, the employees, have a pretty close relationship with him. A bunch of the employees would even consider him a friend. For me, he's not a friend, but more than just a boss, so I am just so VERY happy for him.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

It's a plan for next year so it's not concrete at all (could be any 3 month period between winter 2011-2012 up to summer 2012), but it would be to go to Egypt to learn Arabic!! This would be after my current job... while I'm in between jobs, I guess. My husband would stay here in Quebec while me and Nora would go to Egypt and reconnect with the family there while I studied. My mother in law is retiring in July 2011 and would be able to help with Nora and if it's the case, a new child. I'd take full time courses to learn Arabic and work on my identity as a Muslim without the pressures of home. All this would be before Nora starts kindergarten here so it wouldn't interfere with that and it would be while I'm unattached in between jobs... Starting small plans so early will make us able to plan for the cost of it and lack of income from my side during this time.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

My daughter has 2 family names. Yes, I gave her my name and what I thought was her dad's name. In the end, when my husband got to Canada, we found that they gave him a different family name than I put on our daughter's certificate, so she really has Nora _my name_ - _husband's second middle name_, which makes no sense at all. We will need to change it soon because she's starting to need to know her last name and right now, it's just not right.

My husband is very upset that I put my name in there and it makes things worse that it's there first and that his name is actually not even the right one so either way, it needs to be legally changed. I feel strongly about not wanting her to lose my last name, but am thinking that I could compromise with his name being first, especially since I want her to be proud of her Egyptian side and I know she will be proud of her Quebec-Canadian side because she is here and lives it.

My husband wants to drop my name altogether or put it as a middle name. I know lots of you will agree because Islamicly a child is named after her father... But she would be even if my name was in there. And her middle name is Bint-Ahmed! I added that part to make sure her dad's name was in there for the Islamic part of the name. It's simply fact that the way we name our children here is not the right Islamic way because it's a family name, not really the "father's name".

My thoughts are all over the place lately! They are jumping from getting a car (I've been getting lifts for over a month now almost every day and I'm feeling like a burden) to getting a new phone (mine is just annoying) to leaving my work, to going to university and tonight, a new folly!

Even crazier, I've been feeling like I want to have another child lately. I guess it's because of things going mostly well with my husband and not liking my work, and my daughter becoming older now. I've been thinking about pregnancy being the perfect way to leave my work too. Get pregnant, work until I have the baby, go on maternity leave, get 55-70% of my salary for 50 weeks (of course, my husband would take a couple of the first weeks) and go to Egypt, either toward the end of the maternity leave or even after if I take more time to start working. My husband would have to stay here and continue his work, but you know, he went off to Egypt with our daughter for a 6 week vacation while I stayed here to work so I'm sure he could tolerate it!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

I have talked about my "haram work". I work for a company that does high interest loans and have always felt uncomfortable about it. I have to put it away from my mind to work, and I succeed in doing that and quite like my work on a day to day basis. I enjoy my co-workers and my work space and some of the benefits we have (good pay, paid lunch on Fridays, bonuses, etc.) but I do have to always put effort into not thinking too much about what the company really is because it's not something I support. I'd feel ashamed to be my boss even if it comes with a million dollar house (and all that other material luxury).

I had no choice for a long time because my husband did not have a stable job. There were some periods where he worked or received some income, but not enough to pay the bills and it was not stable enough to be very reliable. But now he does. It's comparable to my salary so I could leave this job and get a small part time, even low-paying job and we would be able to make enough to pay what we have to pay.

I am a bit torn. I guess it's the material me getting in the way. I want to eventually have a house and it would take two salaries to be able to afford a mortgage. And I know that if I leave this work, I would have A LOT of trouble finding one that pays the same. And it would likely be a crappier job. I mean, right now I have my own office space, computer, a certain amount of respect in my work for being among the oldest 4 there out of 13 employees, independance to manage my work how I want, varied tasks, bonuses that are much more than I'd get anywhere else. The bad side being that it's all from interest. And it gets to me every once in a while that my salary comes from this.

I have options though and I'm thankful for that. I just need the strength to use them, I guess!

It's troubling because I sometimes feel like I'm not a "worker" type. I mean, I will not work overtime (boss wouldn't even dare ask). I am tired all the time. And I feel like I am not the "mommy/housewife" type either. I suck at cooking and hate it, I cannot imagine myself with many kids (right now I can imagine a second one but it came gradually!)...

So what am I?

I feel like I just generally suck sometimes. I think I'm probably low in something to feel tired all the time like that, so that could be fixed and might not be linked to how much I suck. And with work, I might be motivated to do more if it was something I actually respected myself in. And if I physically felt less at the end of my rope by the end of the week. I donno.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

OK. I have not been posting because of everything that has been happening and some might have guessed that it was things happening between me and my husband. I don't like to put *too* much personal things out there so I simply didn't but now that things are getting better, I wanted to make a small post about it. And hopefully it will unblock me back into the world of blogging because I sure have missed it.

After a few really hard weeks, we made the decision to start over. Not to erase the issues we had with each other (because they are bound to resurface, I know myself), but to go over everything that didn't work and over everything that did work, and renew our efforts.

Alhamdulilah, my husband has really invested himself 100%. He started working near the beginning of this, started praying more, dropped ALL of his games, started doing more around the house, being careful of things he said, making efforts to not get angry even if I was, etc. It was a 360.

My progress has been more gradual. That's me: gradual. I was the one initiating the "break-up" so I guess it's normal that I didn't jump through hoops from the first day to keep us together, but I am gradually being better and importantly: *wanting* to be better.

This is so true. I always tell myself that a big problem with my relationships are that they don't always bring out the best in me. It's something so important in a quality relationship (whether friendship or marriage) and it's something I need to put a lot of work into. When people around you bring out the worst in you instead of inspiring you to be better, it's a sign that things need to change.