Why I'm happy to be a sex worker

On Thursday, The Sydney Morning Herald published an essay by Louise O'Neale detailing how her marriage disintegrated after discovering her husband was visiting a prostitute. We were contacted by several sex workers who wished to offer a counter point-of-view. This is one of those. Name withheld on request.

I'm a parent with a primary school-aged child. I'm a sociologist and political scientist pursuing postgraduate qualifications. I'm in a long-term relationship. I'm also a sex worker. My partner knows.

In her piece, Sad reality behind Pretty Woman tale, Louise O'Neale argues that prostitution is destroying Australian relationships. Based on her own experience she demonises sex workers because her partner could not honour his commitment of monogamy to her. She is now forced to live out of her car and probably feeling afraid, sad and angry. I empathise with her and the situation she finds herself in. I've had friends and family in similar situations.

When we believe a partner has betrayed us, particularly if we believe they desire another person, it is painful and often leads to us feeling insecure and somehow not good enough. In her despair, O'Neale claims that Australian sex workers are home wreckers, men's "chattels", that we're apparently "commodified", "dehumanised" and packages to be bought and sold.

O'Neale continues the "sex worker as victim" paradigm. It's old, worn and not backed by the research, but it fits like a glove for her while she goes through the pain of separation and faces the reality that the exclusivity we have established as “normal” in our intimate relationships is [for many] nothing more than a romanticised dream.

O'Neale leads us to believe that the research shows sex workers are victims who need to be rescued. She also argues we are sexual deviants. Our clients, she argues, are also sexual deviants who require professional help. I think O'Neale has watched too many Hollywood movies like Pretty Woman.

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Well-meaning feminists have spent decades trying to “rescue us” by relying on, and at times perpetuating outdated feminist ideological and theoretical frameworks, that unrepresentatively position sex workers as victims and/or as home wreckers and sexual deviants.

Some feminists, and others, keep telling sex workers how we should feel about our work, or tell others on our behalf how we feel about our work. They tell us how we experience our working lives and paint us as a threat to the “good women” of Australia. When they are not busy victimising and trying to rescue us they are occupied with demonising us.

In Call Girls: Private Sex Workers in Australia (2007), Roberta Perkins and Frances Lovejoy conducted qualitative Australian research that found sex workers enjoy their work and have a healthy attitude in relation to their employment.

The findings in this research and other research like it are consistent with my 20 years' experience in this industry. I've met, spoken to and sometimes worked with sex workers from across Australia. Sex workers provide sexual services. It is a pure and legitimate economic transaction.

O'Neale has significant difficulty recognising this. She strips us of agency in her article and denies we have the ability to make legitimate choices. She claims sex work isn't legitimate and sex workers can't make legitimate choices. The truth is that sex work is legal in Australia and is a legitimate industry and occupation.

Like other Australians, we are entitled to the same human rights in employment, business and worker rights. We are entitled to the same level of respect as any other worker. We are also entitled to decide for ourselves how we use our bodies, for what purposes and how we feel about that. Sex workers are not interested in clients for intimate relationships. Like the woman working in your local hardware store, sex workers are purely involved in a business. They are there to make money. Not to find a husband.

For those who have never met a sex worker, we're like any other professional. But rather than being your hairdresser or plumber, we are learned and experienced in the art of sexual pleasure. Our clients are regular people coming from all backgrounds, age groups, abilities and disabilities, genders, sexualities, cultural, religious backgrounds, and so on. We provide a service in exchange for money between two or more consenting adults. It is nothing like sex slavery.

If there is time in the booking (most go for 30-60 minutes), we chat and usually make small talk while showering and getting dressed. Clients might discuss their relationships with us or any problems they are experiencing. Clients tell us that they don't have time or the desire to invest in a personal relationship and/or they want some no strings attached sex. Sometimes they complain their partners or wives won't engage in sexual activities that they enjoy - and rather than have an affair, they seek out the services of a sex worker. While many would like to believe that clients are either sex addicts or misogynists, and that sex workers are victims or home wreckers, this simply isn't true.

O'Neale's personal relationship breakdown is not something that brings me any joy. However, her partner should bear the full brunt of her anger, not his service provider.