Smash Something

“Be outrageous — and slam that door! As you do so remind yourself that your recklessness is nothng but the expression of a cosmic urge to challenge the general tendency of things to ebb toward a lukewarm and boring equilibrium.”
The Art of Imperfection

I’ve used this blog several times since I wrote it a few years back. I bring it out every so often because women have a hard time giving themselves permission to be really angry. This divorce is one experience that merits anger … you should be angry. However, I’m not advocating a state of constant agitation or flying off the handle all the time. That’s counterproductive. But every once in a while it’s okay to slam a door, throw something or hit something as long as you’re not hurting yourself, someone else or someone else’s property.

During my midlife divorce recovery journey, there were more than a few times when I was completely out of control with rage. That’s not my nature … and being in control is better most of the time. I destroyed a basket by hitting it against a door in our house; I ruined a roll of Christmas wrapping paper because I was trying to hit anything I could hit in our mudroom; I took a hammer and totally destroyed the gifts my wasband had given his girl friend that she returned during an argument they had; I threw a plate of spaghetti out in the yard. And you know what, I had a right to be furious in every case, and I felt better afterwards.

Dana Hood, author of I Will Change Your Name – a book of divorce recovery meditations – (Leafwood Publishers) tells a story of a friend of hers who has a “wailing wall” and stacks of old dishes. When someone needs an outlet to express rage about something (like a midlife divorce), this woman takes you to her wall, and you are allowed to throw and smash away. Dana said she was there for several hours, yelling, crying, throwing and smashing.

I want to make a wall like that in Kansas City. I think I could charge to use it, and I would probably make a mint. Jesus Christ himself got furious enough about the bad behavior of people that he knocked over tables and sent stuff flying. That always makes me feel better. So go ahead! Smash something if you need to! Slam a door! You’re in good company and it may do you good. Then you can take a deep breath and calmly get back to being your normal in-control self.

“I know you well — you are neither hot nor cold; I wish you were one or the other! But since you are merely lukewarm, I will spit you out of my mouth!”
Revelation 3:15-16 (The Living Bible)

Suzy developed Midlife Divorce Recovery as a safe refuge for people healing and surviving the overwhelm of divorce. Starting her first RADiCAL support group in 2003 she's been helping women navigate the journey of divorce ever since.