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I’ll just dive straight into this and say that EA hasn’t learned anything from its past E3 conferences. Yes, it had some cool and surprising moments, but oh God… it had so many weak points. I’ll try to choose just a few, but trust me that there were a lot more.

Cool moment: Criterion’s first-person mayhem racer. Yeah, FIRST-PERSON. It’s not really the game itself that’s cool, but the fact that it features a first-person view. I mean come on, dropping from a parachute on a motorbike after some crazy wingsuit flying is just plain bonkers. Imagine how it would feel with the Oculus Rift! Yeah, didn’t think of that, right?

Bonus: Payday 3: Hardline. That’s what the new Battlefield showcasing felt like and it seemed like a cool kind of fun.

Lame moments: Yeah, it’s plural. There are quite a few. First of all, after showcasing some Mass Effect teasers and a new IP from Bioware you go on with… Sims?! And the front row girls who were clearly put there by EA to scream and shout in excitement because they knew no one would do that? Not cool man, not cool. The other lame moments consist of all the interviews, conceptual prototypes and mini-documentaries that were shown instead of actual gameplay or trailers. Nobody cares about the workspace of Criterion! Or how the second installment in Mirror’s Edge was conceived. Just show the damn games! Also, EA tries too much. Forcing jokes and humor just doesn’t do it. The UFC showcasing was a funnier joke that the speech held by the man introducing it.

Bonus: Enough with the sport games! I feel like I’m watching ESPN.

Surprising moments: Not showing a trailer for Mass Effect. Not showing a trailer for Mirror’s Edge 2. Not showing a trailer for… actually, did they show any trailers for their non-sport games? But it’s not all that bad. Dawngate was a pleasant surprise. I like MOBA games, just like 80% of the population. And seeing a new one is never bad news, they really have a lot of potential that unfortunately LoL and Dota does not exploit to its fullest. We’ll see.

Bonus: Beta. NOW!

To put it in our favorite hobbit’s words: EA feels “thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread”. It just wasn’t good. I’ll give them a 4/10.