When Oliver passed away we knew we wanted to do something to give back to those who’d helped us on our journey. In March, super Nanny, aka Paul’s mum, completed an abseil off Fort Dunlop building in Birmingham and raised over £2500 for ward 8 at Birmingham Children’s Hospital.

We decided we would fundraise for Ronald McDonald House in Birmingham as they’d provided us a second home, where we could be less than 5 minutes walk from Oliver and where we could stay as a family. It costs RMHC £25 to house a family each night, so in staying there almost 8 months it was the least we could do try and give back to this amazing place that never asks families for a penny.
£5000 was the target and we thought we’d never achieve it, but with donations from friends, family and work colleagues we made it! One of the kindest acts, was by Jen Darby who was a student nurse during Oliver’s stay on ward 8. Jen had grown fond of Oliver and to help decided to run the Nottingham half marathon to help raise funds. Jen’s not shy to admit she doesn’t enjoy running, but in doing so helped raise around £700.

So today, we returned to the house for the first time since emotionally packing up our car with everything we’d accumulated over an 8 month stay and headed home for the last time in March.

We officially opened Billesley room on the 2nd floor, where Ella proudly cut the ribbon. We were also presented with a keepsake plaque to take home.
Thanks to generous colleagues at Arqiva, we also donated lots of household goods to help the house such as dry food and cleaning products.

So next time you’re in McDonald’s and you see the collection boxes on the tills, that’s what they’re for…to help families stay close to their sick children in hospital…so please give generously.

If you’d like to donate to Ronald McDonald House Birmingham you can still do so via Oliver’s page here

This is without a doubt the hardest post I have ever had to write and that’s because I know this will be the last one.

Today would have been Oliver’s second birthday and it was our ambition to see him walking before his birthday. Obviously that’s something we will never see.

It’s been over 2 months since we lost Oliver and life is still very odd. We are both now back at work, something I thought I’d never be able to do, and I suppose we have got back into a routine. Our days of splitting ourselves between hospital and home are gone, we never need to know how to scrub up, change a stoma bag or pass an NG tube again.

But one thing that never goes away is the fact that we have lost our baby. If we meet new people now, we’re parents with one child, not two and that just doesn’t seem right.

I am at peace with the fact that I know Oliver was suffering and his outlook seemed bleak. He is no longer in pain, no longer having to endure procedure after procedure, no longer struggling while his eyesight deteriorated. What I can’t do is make the sadness that we all feel go away. Paul has been totally devastated by losing his first born child and all I can do is comfort him, knowing nothing I can say or do makes the hurt go away and I feel so helpless.

Shortly after Oliver’s funeral we went down to Poole for as few days and as we had never had the opportunity to take Oliver to the seaside we decided we would scatter Oliver’s ashes there. Typically it was a grotty, rainy day, but in a break in the showers we scattered Oliver’s ashes off the end of Swanage Pier, which is a lovely traditional pier. As we scattered the ashes into the sea they shone like glitter and glistened in the sea, and magically the sun came out….a perfect send off for our little star.

To remember our special place we have sponsored a plaque on the pier which we hope to go and see soon, and we now have a beautiful print on the wall at home. The little white shelter is where Oliver’s plaque is.

In memory of Oliver and to say an enormous thank you to Ronald McDonald House Birmingham, who provided us somewhere to stay for over 7 months, we would like to sponsor a bedroom. The cost to sponsor a room is £5000 which is a bold target, but something we are keen to work towards.

Never did I think a week ago that I’d be writing this today. Last Saturday we managed to get Oliver out of his cot for a play before he resumed sleeping. But not anymore as after 21 months of fighting Oliver decided enough was enough.

Just a week ago

The last six months have been so hard seeing our beautiful boy become so poorly but bravely solider on.
We have always been realistic about Oliver and over the past six months in particular have had to face the reality of losing him more than once. Seeing Oliver’s eyesight deteriorate was one of the hardest things and we were increasingly concerned about his quality of life and what impact all the procedures were having on him.
Last week we met with Jane Hartley, Oliver’s consultant, and she told us that she wasn’t sure Oliver’s bowel was going to recover and we were all in agreement that Oliver had been through too much and we wouldn’t put him through any more major procedures. We also raised concerns about Oliver increasingly zoning out and struggling to focus and so Oliver had two scans on his brain.

On Monday afternoon we met with Patrick McKiernan who was consultant for the week and he sadly told us that the scans showed Oliver’s brain was slowing right down and that nothing more could be done. Within less than a week we had gone from knowing we’d lose Oliver at some point to we were going to lose Oliver imminently.

We had spent the best part of 16 months at Birmingham Children’s Hospital and Oliver always managed to win the hearts of everyone he met and this week has shown what a loved little boy he was. On Tuesday and Wednesday Oliver had a steady stream of visitors all day with everyone telling their stories of Oliver and how cheeky he was, especially at night when he’d want to play, and of course his little chuckle.

People are so quick to criticise the NHS but we cannot fault them for all they have done for Oliver. This week has shown how amazing both the NHS and the people that make it are. The Palliative Care Team quickly got involved and they and the Pain Team ensured Oliver had the best possible care and that he was as comfortable as possible. The staff of Ward 8 have been absolutely incredible, providing as much tea as we could drink and the best support. It’s easy to think nurses become immune to seeing children so poorly and not make it, but seeing the nurses so upset will always be something we remember as we realised how much a part of Ward 8 Oliver had become.

On Wednesday the nurses arranged to have a full size bed put into Oliver’s room instead of his cot and this meant we could both lie with him and cuddle him until he left us in the early hours of Thursday morning.

On Thursday we visited Oliver where he looked so angelic in the new babygro we’d left out for him, tucked up with Gruffalo. We then said our final goodbyes on the ward before packing up and heading home for the final time.

Today was a bittersweet day as Oliver’s Nanny completed her 100ft abseil down Fort Dunlop to raise money for Ward 8. Oliver passing away made her even more determined and we are incredibly proud of her! If you would like to donate please visit https://www.justgiving.com/veronicasoar/

We’re not quite sure what we did before Oliver or what we do now but I know we’ll get through it as I have the best husband, daughter and in laws who came every week. I’d like to say that we had the support of our friends and that we had lots of visitors, but that wasn’t the case and this whole experience has shown who our true friends are. However it has shown how strong we are and what an awesome threesome we are.

It’s been a boring couple of weeks really with not much to report. The highlight has probably been moving into a bigger cubicle! I was in the smallest cubicle before and just to get out and play Mummy and Daddy had to move my cot and pump stand so I could play on the floor…but now I have a big room with a nice big window!

I went back to theatre again last Thursday to have the stitches taken out of my cornea transplant in my right eye and had some more amniotic membrane in my left eye and they’ve partially stitched my eye shut to protect it and hopefully that will help the bandage contact lens stay in. The opthalmologists think I have the lost the sight in my right eye but they’re monitoring it closely to make sure the infection has gone.

I’m getting nowhere with my feed and my stoma losses are still high and randomly even higher some days. I’ve had a few viruses too so am currently needing oxygen, so even when I’m free from my PN, I’m still confined to my room.

Playing while I have my nebuliser

Ella was here most of last week because it was half term so it was nice to see her, when she wasn’t gallivanting round the ward that is. Mummy and Daddy have swapped round this week so I’ve been with Daddy so far this week and Mummy will be coming to switch with Daddy tomorrow. Daddy thinks I’m getting poorly as I’ve been really sleepy and my blood pressure is really high too so the doctors are keeping a close eye on me. Jane, my consultant, is on service this week so I’m in extra good hands!

I love my Daddy!

As well as Nanny doing her abseil, my other Nanny Julie is going to do a skydive when she goes to Las Vegas in March. She will be doing this to raise money for Ronald Mcdonald House as they are fantastic and Mummy, Daddy and Ella spend more time there than our proper home. We are very lucky to have a Ronald Mcdonald House near the hospital as it means they can all stay near me.
You can sponsor Julie here www.justgiving.com/Julie-Goodwin3

It’s going to be a quick one as my eyes are really sore. I had to go to emergency theatre last night as the opthalmologists were worried about how sore my eye was. They found an infection and I’m now having hourly antibiotics and drops in my eyes and IV antibiotics. Yesterday was a very long day so today I have slept all day because I feel rubbish.

Anyway enough about me! My crazy but lovely Nanny (who is scared of heights) is going to abseil 100ft off the Fort Dunlop building in Birmingham on 7th March to raise money for Birmingham Children’s Hospital. She only started raising money last week and has already done really well, mainly because people can’t believe she’s doing it but also to give something back to the hospital who have saved my life… on more than one occasion!

Another couple of weeks have passed and I’m still here and there’s been no real changes.

I need a haircut!

My stoma output is still high which is restricting how much feed I can have. Last weekend Mummy and Daddy had a scare as my stoma output had a lot of blood in and I also had blood out of my redundant bottom. I had an endoscopy and ileoscopy on Monday which showed I have colitis, which is inflammation of my original bowel so I’m having steroids. Everyone was worried it was internal GVHD as my skin was going red at the same time, but thankfully it’s not!
My skin had started flaring again but I had one day of ECP (my line was being naughty so I missed a day) and steroid cream and it’s now looking OK.

The opthalmologists had been pleased that my eyes were stable but this weekend they’ve got more sore and so Mummy is going to have a chat with them. I’m still having hourly eyedrops and with talk of me going home Mummy and Daddy need a plan as they can’t be getting up in the night to do my eyes and I’m getting pretty cheesed off with being faffed with all the time. I’m the only child in the UK with eyes so bad from GVHD so the opthalmologists are speaking to the Sick Kids Hospital in Canada for advice!

I had a good start to the week but have been a bit grumpy for the past few days. I also went to theatre again on Friday and now have a new broviac line for my PN. Mummy and Daddy have started PN training again so hopefully they’ll soon be flushing my line and putting my PN up so they’ll be ready to do it at home! Today Mummy flushed my line and put my PN up for the first time.

Ella is also becoming a very good nurse! She’s been too busy playing with her friend Madiee to come and play with me, so I have to shout at her when she comes in the room. Her dolly now has an NG tube and a stoma bag!

Ella and her brave friend Madiee

It was also Mummy’s birthday so Daddy and Claire the play worker helped me to make her a card and decorate my room for her. Daddy tried to make sure Mummy had a good day even though we’re in hospital. Mummy and Daddy don’t seem to have many friends left, because of me I think, but the ward got Mummy a card and present and that made her happy and Nanny and Grandad got Mummy a nice present and looked after Ella so Mummy and Daddy got to go for dinner.