Three weeks ago, three young recruits from the FBI's secretive high tech hacking unit sat in their bunker (it's a room above a dry-cleaner's in a side street in Falls Church but don't tell them we know) and pondered the issue of how to break into an iPhone. The FBI has a near-unlimited stock of the phones that they routinely confiscate from criminals but which don't qualify as evidence. And with each of them holding handfuls of the phones, they went to work and, much to the annoyance of the "establishment" that wanted to force Apple to give them access, these three tykes found access. Here's how they did it. Their names have been changed to protect the joke.

Call it the queer quid, the pink pound or any one of several other, generally, derogatory names the reality is that there has long been evidence that discretionary spending (and often disposible income) is greater amongst homosexuals and other minority gender groups. We don't sit in on a meeting that never happened as Australia secretly tries to attract that spending despite its blokey image.

Complaints that the USA's Academy of Motion Picture Arts Awards fails to recognise black actors has resulted in a full review of classifications. We have obtained a transcript of a secret discussion, that did not take place, between the three anonymous people who really run the Oscars. Their names have been changed to protect the ridiculous.

Once upon a time, an American bought London Bridge. That raises the question.. given the increasing Americanisation, and affinity with the USA, of Oxford University.. why doesn't it just sell itself, and its buildings to an American with less zeros after his name than a real billion would require?