As we become adults and assume responsibilities in the world, we tend to stop this practice; we become other- and outer-directed and relegate all childhood activities to the past. When these childlike inclinations are stifled, we lose the sense of wonderment that often accompanies them. Our creativity becomes boxed up, and we wonder why life has become dull. That child is still within us, though, and can be rediscovered in our quiet corner. It is there that we can once again get in touch with our true spirit.

Visit a neighborhood playground or ball field and watch children as they play. Volunteer to coach a Little League team, or just observe the kids as they play and let them coach you. Allow them to teach you what it’s like to be free and uninhibited. After a snowfall, make a snowman with the neighborhood kids or engage in an innocent snowball fight. Ride the waves at the ocean and delight in the freedom of it. Rake leaves into a big enough pile to hide in and have some fun. As you loosen up and begin to discover how to let go and be spontaneous, take this attitude with you into your quiet corner and nurture it there. Before long, your true nature will reveal itself and some of the tension in your life will disappear.

Get to Know Yourself Again
Most of us can’t remember sitting in rapture as a child. Or if we can remember, we merely mourn the loss of such times and consider them over and done with. To alter our “grown-up” way of seeing, we simply need the key of willingness.

Be willing to spend time alone with yourself. Look closely at who you are, what makes you laugh or cry. Let go of old encrusted notions that bog you down. Ease them out of your mind. Invite your idiosyncrasies to have their say, and keep the ones that thrill you.

As you spend more time with yourself, your view of the world will begin to change. You’ll see yourself in a new light and have a new understanding of who you are in the world. Long-forgotten parts of you will rise to the surface and come alive. You’ll be more involved in your life than ever before, thanks to your own quiet corner.

Just the thought of sitting and doing nothing may terrify us, especially when it’s linked to the word meditation. Take this moment to discard all your preconceived notions of what sitting still is all about. Drop the word meditation from your vocabulary. And then allow yourself to be open to sitting in a new way.

Just sitting—here, you will find the source for your serenity. Just sitting—here, you will develop a practice of being still that you can then bring into all your other activities. Just sitting—this is the only suggestion in this book that it’s best not to skip.

So take a seat with the clear intention to just sit. Begin with five or ten minutes, and use your body and your breath to do it. Let your mind come along for the ride, or in this case, “the sit.” Concentrate on your posture (erect), your breathing (deep and slow), and your fingers and toes (relaxed). Begin each session with closed eyes in order to draw your attention inward. Then once you’re focused, gently open your eyes and just breathe. There’s nothing to do, nowhere to go.

Watch as your mind tries to pull you away from any discomfort you might experience. Breathe deeply into your belly. Expect nothing. Simply and gently, just sit and breathe. Practice being still. The longer you still your body and the deeper into your belly you breathe, the quieter your mind will become.

This practice of sitting still and doing nothing will eventually create space between thoughts. This space will hold pure, intrinsic awareness. This will be the breeding ground for serenity—not just as you sit, but at all times. So sit still and discover this internal mechanism for creating peace and harmony within, no matter what is going on outside. Then you can carry it with you always and tap into it whenever you need it.

What do most of us long for? A happy, healthy life? Certainly. And if you feel that you’re not yet living that, then it must follow that you are unhappy in some way. Once you acknowledge this you usually make the connection that liberation from your suffering will bring the desired contentment and so you long for that. It can become a vicious cycle: dissatisfaction — desire — happiness — longing — dissatisfaction. But liberation is possible, and here in the first three steps of this process you will learn about your cycle of frustration and what has prevented you from living happily, especially with the work you do.

Although it may be hard to look at the how and why, you cannot extract yourself from the pervasive dissatisfaction of your life until you do. Here in “Discovery” you will come to understand how you have been looking all your life for something that doesn’t exist. That which you thought was solid is constantly changing and moving—you along with it. But rather than being frightening, this truth can be reassuring. As you continue to make your way through these first three steps, as you confront the truth, you will slowly (or in some instances, very quickly) realize that this truth will set you free. You are not a cliché, but sometimes your life is. This is neither bad nor good—it simply is.

Approach the work suggested here as you would a job that you love to do. Put everything you have into this work. Practice and see it as an opportunity to express your beliefs, your ideals, your inner truth. And then take this same approach to your life’s work. What you learn here can be immediately transferred to your everyday work life. This is a practical, usable process, not a theoretical one.

Some of what you uncover may be difficult for your ego to accept. Do not judge or criticize what you discover. Instead, use it for your own benefit. Don’t let it rule you. Know that you are in charge here and it is for you (and not your ego) that you do this work.

By the time you get to “The Path” you will have a clearer picture of who you are, where you’ve come from and where you want to go. You will be ready to accept the challenges of this process and your day-to-day work experience will begin to improve. You will spend more time each day in the events of the day rather than in yesterday or tomorrow. This alone, in a very concrete, experiential way, will usher in a new sense of peace and contentment. In “Discovery” you will learn how to be in harmony with the changing circumstances of your life and be comfortable with nothing permanent to hold on to. Your spirit will then be able to soar and your work life will mirror this newfound strength and happiness.

But don’t take my word for it. Discover this for yourself. Do these first three steps with thoroughness and you will see for yourself. What can be better than that?

I ran across the two quotes below in a document tucked in a folder on my computer and thought they were perfect for my mood today. I hope you find something in one or both to help ease your burden.

One thing is for sure: Spring will be here in the very unpredictable month of March!

“When we look at our lives we see that we tend to just go round and round in our habitual patterns and negative tendencies. Occasionally we might feel inspired to do some practice and emerge from our habits a little bit. But then, habits take us over again, we lose our momentum and inspiration, and we fall back into the same kinds of patterns and traps. Then we try to get out again, but it seems so difficult and we lose heart. This is samsara.

Samsara is not life itself, but the neurotic way we live, driven by hope & fear, which are the mechanisms of samsara that perpetuate suffering.”Sogyal Rinpoche

“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. … No artist is pleased. [There is] no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.”Martha Graham

Once you start to become aware and take note of what your mind is doing, create a Quiet Corner bank (some call it a God box—if that works better for you) in which to store all your questions, self-judgments, and self-criticisms. Perhaps you could make something out of construction paper. Make it colorful and big enough to hold many slips of paper. Don’t try to imagine how many questions you might ask yourself before the questions slow down. You can always make a second or third or fourth container if the first becomes too small. Once you fill one up, you can create a ritual to burn them all!

Have some fun. Make a game of it. Use magazines or old newspapers or even an empty coffee can. Paint it, decorate it, label it. And then put it away. Let it be the vessel for your nagging questions. This is the beginning of clearing your head of some of the noise so that you can begin to hear your inner voice. Be aware that once you write a question down and put it in the bank, it may revisit you. That’s okay and perfectly natural. Simply write it down again and redeposit it. There may be something to learn from the repetition.

The Aha! Experience
As we go along, I will make suggestions of things to do that will help you along your path. So far I’ve suggested that you

1. Carry with you and use your “purpose tool,”
2. Observe your mind as it works,
3. Write down your mind questions (and judgments and criticisms), and
4. Make a mind question bank.

A lot of suggestions just to begin! If you’re anything like me, you might judge them as silly and inconsequential or resist doing them at all. At first glance, many of the suggestions in this book will seem slight and meaningless, but try to think of them as a grocery list. Before you go shopping you know what you have and what you need, but a list is always helpful in assisting you in your chore; it helps you to remember all that you need and to avoid buying things you don’t need. A list may seem unnecessary (you have it all in your head), but it can be useful. And while each ingredient you buy is not always or necessarily a meal in itself, it will combine with other ingredients to form a perfect meal. That’s how you can look at each suggestion here—as just one ingredient to be included in a life of serenity.

You can also look at these suggestions as nuggets of surprise. Until you actually do them, break open their shell, you can’t know what’s waiting for you inside. If you’ve ever discovered or learned something in an indirect way (in trying to solve one problem, the answer to another is revealed), you’ve had the aha! experience. So keep an open mind as you approach the suggestions because they have the potential to work this way. And each one will reveal a secret just for you.

If this is all true, it seems that the solution is to just stop. But because this is nearly impossible to contemplate, let alone accomplish, we feel defeated before we even begin. We’ve tried slowing down before with little success. The surprise here is that you are already doing what you need to do and the only thing now is to take advantage of those already existing moments.

Standing, at the bus stop, the copier, or ATM machine, in the theater or grocery store checkout line; waiting for the elevator to arrive or the stoplight to change—throughout the day, we frequently find ourselves standing with no place to go, and too often we squander this time. Anxious for movement, we view the stillness, the lack of motion, as a waste of time. Paradoxically, when we’re on life’s treadmill, all we want to do is stop. Yet when we do, we yearn to move. This is just one example of never being satisfied with where we are.

All it takes to transform these moments from dreadful to delicious is a little mind movement, a shift in attitude. Even if you cannot change to a new outlook directly, if you’re reading this, you most likely have the willingness to take a different approach. And if you’re willing, then change is possible.

When your body comes to a standstill, your mind doesn’t always follow right away, which is why not moving can create such internal discomfort. So when you find yourself standing still with your mind on fast forward, there are two things you can do.

First of all, you can become aware of your body in space, where it is, how it feels. Notice your posture and any tension you might have in your spine. Make slight adjustments to how you’re standing, and breathe into your whole back, as you center your awareness on the fact that you are able to stand upright. Feel your feet standing firmly on the ground. Imagine that there are roots solidly planting you into the earth, your legs the trunk of a tree, your upper body the branches gently swaying in the breeze. If you’re carrying heavy bags, place them down as you stand there, unburdened and free. Appreciate your body; savor the moment. Be there with every inch of every fiber of your being.

Then, once you’ve stilled your body, observe your mind and where it wants to take you physically, mentally, and emotionally. Watch your thoughts; simply stand there, breathe into your belly, be in your body, and pay attention—without judgment or criticism. Consider that everyone around you, standing with you, contains a similarly active mind. It might take time, but know that if you still your body, the mind will eventually follow and reach a state of stillness—the first step to serenity.

And keep in mind that there are no needless, wasted moments. Each one is precious and an opportunity to experience contentment. So stand tall in your life with all that it offers, good and bad, and know that serenity is available in and through everything. Be sure to stand wherever you are and you won’t miss it.

If you’ve ever been on an airplane, you’ll remember being told to put on your own oxygen mask in the event of an emergency before helping young children; if you help yourself first, you’ll be better equipped to help others. In the same way, love yourself first. Take some time for yourself. Consider these actions to be done in the service of others. A quiet, loving corner can be the nurturing ground for your own and your family’s well-being.

Love is what we all ultimately seek, but to get love, we must give it. And in order to give it, we need to know it for ourselves. Unless we take good care of ourselves, we will have nothing to give others. Caring for ourselves is the first step in the process.

On this last occasion of the year we will all write vows for the next year: what practices and activities we want to start or deepen, and what we might like to leave behind and not carry forward into the new day.

An old Zen story that I love, and share with every student I’ve ever had, speaks to the burdens that so many of us carry and how easy it could be to just put them down.

I hope this parable will inspire some of us to start the year fresh and be mindful every day of the new year to ask ourselves the question posed at the end of this story, so that we don’t end next year carrying more than we can handle.

Muddy Road

Tanzan and Ekido were once traveling together down a muddy road. A heavy rain was still falling.

Coming around a bend, they met a lovely girl in a silk kimono and sash, unable to cross the intersection.

“Come on, girl,” said Tanzan at once. Lifting her in his arms, he carried her over the mud.

Ekido did not speak again until that night when they reached a lodging temple. Then he no longer could restrain himself. “We monks don’t go near females,” he told Tanzan, “especially not young and lovely ones. It is dangerous. Why did you do that?”