Tuesday, July 27, 2010

The Real Life Peter Pan

The Internet is a wondrous place with many great examples of what's so fucked up about the world. There are also examples of what makes this world so beautiful. I'll let you make your own decisions about The Real Peter Pan.

It's amazing where your mind wanders when you're not doing much, and for some reason, I thought about that guy who thought he was Peter Pan. I probably haven't seen this website in 5-7 years but I figured I would revisit it. If you've already seen it, it's great to look again, because trust me, you will be shocked and awed, and if you've never seen it before, well, you're in for a treat. I believe he said it best when he described his site, "It is, by design, arranged more like a treasure hunt than a traditional website." Let the hunting begin. Just in case you have yet to check out the site (I don't blame you), here's a picture of Peter Pan so we're all on the same page:This treasure hunt is going to be awesome. First off, this is a 56 year-old man. I can't say for sure when this picture was taken, but the website started in 2001, so at best, he was 46 when this picture was taken. But the main page is kind of boring, so let's find some of that treasure he was talking about.

Well, after going on my treasure hunt for a while, I expected to find just one buried treasure on this site, but oh no, Peter Pan left me two buried treasures. The first one is good news for all as it is pictures of Peter Pan in all his get ups. I could probably post 100 of these pictures and get a good laugh out of all of them, but I figured I should limit myself to two winners so we don't create overkill on all his awesome fashion. Let's start with a tame one just to warm everybody up:He describes this as his Little Lord Fauntleroy look, and that stuffed animal is his wabbit, Woodie. I gotta say, Peter is looking pretty rough in this picture. The bags under the eyes meant that he was acting a little too childish and playing all night long instead of going to sleep when it was his bedtime. But 56 year-old men will be kids, right? Uh oh, just realized Peter wasn't being a kid, he was being a grownup last night. The reason for the bags under his eyes is probably that nearly empty bottle of booze that is hanging out on the mantle. The alcohol hits him even harder later in this session when he decides that this outfit works without pants as a makeshift onesy.

Let's move on, and yes, this one is definitely worse.This one was for a theme-party for Alice in Wonderland. I didn't know there was crossover on fantasy characters, but apparently there is, and Peter is living it up in this fashionable attire. He lets us know that no bunny suit would be complete without a fuzzy tail. Even though this picture nearly made me vomit, look how happy he is. He even sprayed some whiskers on his face so he could really get into the part. Wait a minute, those aren't sprayed on whiskers, are they Peter? God damnit. It looks like Peter just got a little sloppy with his cocaine use, and that is why he is so damn happy. Come on Peter, you'll never find your Tinkerbell if you're all hopped up on drugs.

And this brings me to my next treasure chest. Bad news ladies, apparently Peter, in his booze and cocaine influenced state, found his Tinkerbell, and let me tell you, she's a keeper.Although this is probably the least disturbing picture, it may be my favorite. I like to think of it as their first meeting. They both went to the art exhibit opening dressed in their normal street clothes and were glancing around at all the art. Old Tinkerbell was just minding her business as no man was paying much attention to her (they were probably nervous about her beauty). Meanwhile, Peter caught a glimpse of this fetching lass and knew that he had to have her. He obviously got the stiffest drink he could find and made his approach. He was able to get within two feet of her without her noticing that they might have something in common. But once she did notice him, sparks flew, and their journey of love began.

In fact, here is the happy couple right after getting married.It was a beautiful ceremony, and I've got to admit Peter, you definitely found yourself a thoroughbred dimepiece with your lovely bride. The only thing that felt a little off is that some of their friends kind of looked like freaks. It's very odd that such normal, well-adjusted human beings would hang out with freaks, but Peter doesn't discriminate and neither does his Tinkerbell.

If you're into extremely disturbing things, there's plenty to love about this website, and I highly recommend going through every nook and cranny that you can find.

-Joe

P.S. I thought about ending this post with something creepy like, "Don't worry ladies, this Peter Pan is still looking for his Tinkerbell," but that sentence actually makes me feel sick to my stomach so I thought better of it.

P.P.S. His site has had over 11 million visitors. Currently, the most visitors in a day for my blog is 75, which means it will take me over 400 years to accumulate that many visitors.

P.P.P.S. If you have any websites that are disturbing like this (and not like goatse), send them my way as this was thoroughly enjoyable for me to research and write.

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