http://www.jewishworldreview.com --
I DID EVERYTHING I could, and it's not my fault. As a legal resident of the noble Fourth District of Connecticut -- once represented by glamorous, brilliant, smart aleck Claire Booth Luce, and currently represented by a phony, ponderous, hand-wringing pantywaist -- I tried to take out the pantywaist.

For those of you who don't have Irish Alzheimer's (we forget everything but our grudges), Rep. Chris Shays was one of only five Republicans to vote against the impeachment of a lying, felonious, contemptible president; one of only two Republicans to go on a whirlwind grandstanding campaign against the impeachment of the lying, felonious, contemptible president; and the only Republican called on by Rep. John Conyers on the day of the vote to argue against impeachment of a lying, felonious, contemptible president.

I didn't run in the primary against Shays because, as a writer, I'd have to give up my livelihood to do so. If I were a dentist, I could continue to remove molars while campaigning against Shays; as a writer, I'd have to abandon my career the moment I announce. I'll give up a month or two for a grudge match, but not six, seven or eight.

Moreover, an excellent Connecticut Republican, Jim Campbell, did step up to the plate to oppose the pantywaist, offering Nutmeggers the enticing prospect not only of being a Republican, but also of representing the district rather than The New York Times.

No one had ever heard of Campbell. He emerged from nowhere, and the principleless Connecticut Republican Party establishment was dead-set against him. (If Joseph Stalin called himself a Republican and ran for office in Connecticut, he'd have the full backing of the state party apparatchiks.) Still, Campbell took about 40 percent of the vote from Shays.

Though I wasn't willing to sacrifice my profession (and life) for the absolute minimum six months it would have required to run in a primary, I was willing to forsake my profession (and life) for about six weeks simply to achieve the greater glory of causing Shays to lose. My idea was that I'd run a total sham, media-intensive, third-party Jesse Ventura campaign for one month before the election, and hope for enough votes to cause the (official) Democrat to win.

I just needed to find a third party that would have me. Since I hate the government, and the Libertarians hate the government, I figured -- that's my party. Except the thing is, the Libertarians' opposition to government is narrowly focused on only one small aspect of government: the drug laws.

Until several weeks of negotiations with the Connecticut Libertarian Party over its pro-drug legalization stance, my position on drugs was to refuse even to discuss drug legalization until I don't have to pay for the food, housing, transportation and medical care of people who want to stay home all day shooting up heroin.

It's not as if we live in the perfect Libertarian state of nature, with the tiny exception of those pesky drug laws. We live in a Nanny State that takes care of us from cradle to grave and steals half our income. I kept suggesting to them that we might want to keep our eye on the ball here. (The Libertarians' other big issue is privatizing Yosemite. Seriously.)

In theory, our areas of agreement should have included, among other things: eliminating the Department of Health and Human Services, eliminating the Department of Education, eliminating the Department of Commerce, eliminating the National Endowment of the Arts, eliminating the National Endowment for the Humanities, eliminating the Department of Agriculture, eliminating the Department of Housing and Urban Development, eliminating the Department of Transportation, eliminating the progressive income tax and instituting a flat tax.

Our sole area of disagreement was whether to abolish the drug laws before or after completing the above tasks.

That wasn't enough. I was deemed not a "true Libertarian" because my position was to defer the drug legalization issue until we had made a little more headway in dismantling the Nanny State.

There's a joke about a Frenchman, an Englishman and a Russian who are told they have only one day until the end of the world. The Frenchman says he will spend his last day with a bottle of Bordeaux and a beautiful woman. The Englishman says he will take his favorite sheepdog for a walk across the moors. The Russian says he will burn down his neighbor's house. I'm with the Russian.

Consequently, I have moved from being completely uninterested in drug legalization to being virulently, passionately opposed to it. So I'm initiating a periodic series of articles on the stupidity of drug legalization -- it's my newest Irish
Alzheimer's.

09/222/00: Democrats worship the money shot09/19/00: Other film footage we'd like to see09/15/00: Bush can name the **^%*09/12/00: The Supreme Court ratchet09/08/00: Our mistake -- keep polluting09/05/00: Bubba protects and serves09/01/00: AlGore's 'going out of business!' tax plan08/29/00: Bush's compassionate conservatism08/25/00: Space alien tells funny jokes in bathtub08/22/00: Dems view world only in black and white, not in color08/18/00: Another Damascus Road conversion08/15/00: The viagra cotillion08/11/00: The hand-wringing Hamlet from Hartford08/07/00: The Democratic party's white face08/04/00: Hillary's potty mouth08/01/00: The hole in the story07/28/00: Cheney's detractors can't get their story straight07/25/00: AlGore: Elmer Blandry07/21/00: The tyranny of non-objectivity07/18/00: The state's religion07/14/00: Reform it back07/11/00: Keating for veep07/07/00: Gore invented 'Clueless'07/04/00: The stupidity litmus test 06/30/00: O.J. was 'proved innocent' too06/27/00: The last guys 'proved innocent' 06/23/00: Serious Republican candidates don't get serious press 06/19/00: They weren't overzealous this time 06/16/00: Evolution of the strumpet06/13/00: Actual journalistic malpractice 06/09/00: I did not have sexual relations with that ... man! 06/06/00: IRS turns Bubba's screw05/30/00: Too corrupt to be an Arkansas lawyer 05/26/00: Choose liberalism 05/24/00: Violence against coherence 05/22/00: Developmentally disabled Republicans 05/16/00: For womb the bell tolls 05/12/00: Asylum from Georgetown 05/10/00: The truth is out there, even for the clueless 05/08/00: Barbie is a liberal Democrat 05/02/00: Moving the goalpost 04/28/00: The bastardization of justice 04/25/00: How Monica Lewinsky saved the constitution 04/24/00: It's sunny today, so we need gun control 04/19/00: No shadow of a doubt -- liberal women are worthless 04/14/00:
It takes a Communist dictator to raise a child 04/11/00: The verdict is in on Hillary 04/07/00: Vast Concoctions III 04/04/00: 'Horrifying' free speech in New York 03/31/00: Check-Off Box For Pimp Suits03/28/00: All the news that fits -- we print! 03/24/00: Net losses all around 03/20/00: To protect, serve --- and be spat on 03/16/00: Thank Heaven for the consigliere 03/13/00: Vast concoctions II 03/09/00: The bluebloods voted against you 03/07/00: The Tower of Babble 03/03/00: Vast concoction 03/02/00: Hillary's sartorial lies 02/28/00: You have to break a few eggs to make a joke 02/22/00: I've seen enough killing to support abortion02/18/00: A liberal lynching 02/15/00: McCain and the flag 02/11/00: The Shakedown Express02/08/00: To mock a mockingbird 02/05/00: Summing up Campaign 2000: 'Oh, puh-leeze!'02/01/00: A Confederacy of Dunces01/28/00: Dollar Bill's racist smear 01/24/00: How high is your freedom quotient? 01/21/00: Numismadness 01/18/00: How dare you attack my wife! 01/14/00: The Gore Buggernaut 01/10/00: The paradox of discrimination law