My Biggest Fear

My biggest fear?
It’s the shadow on my floor
It’s the unfamiliar knock on my door
It’s the way your eyes move in too close
With an overdose of attention or something similar – I suppose

It’s the lights that are too bright or the lights that are too dim
And neither one matters when you’re touching my skin
On a crowded bus or an empty road
As my eyes ring the alarm, the words are stuck in my throat
The light is forever dark, forever ruined
It leaves me the minute you come in
It’s the white void my fear grew up in

My fear is small and big and narrow and wide and it comes in all shapes and in every size
Filling up the gaps I leave unattended
It stands tall in front of anyone my feminism has offended
My fear says everything you oppressed in me
Large volumes of sonnets, prose and poetry
It sings, it mimes, it screams, it rhymes, and when it’s really in the mood, well…IT’S SHOWTIME

It dances at the tip of my tongue, out of reach like a diva, I’m beginning to think I can’t leave her
I’m beginning to think I don’t want to
I think I’m falling in love, she’s the only one I’m drawn to
The one I sleep with, eat with, walk the street with, the one I talk to

My fear is meek and weak and brave and strong
She wasn’t supposed to be here
But here she belongs
You were hoping for a short answer
But…you get a whole song.

So you can take everything I own
My fear will remain mine
It will tuck me in at night
And if you fuck with her
Well…I’ve taught her to fight