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Author
Topic: Lady's thread #72 Shit Happens (Read 33926 times)

Ok, so I'll take a turn in starting a new thread. Things have been going on in my life where all I can say is "shit happens". I know you all can relate. I know I don't share much here, but for the most part, my life is extremely boring. Then once in a while, well, shit happens. All I'll say here is men are twats who don't know what's good for them. Enough said, eh?

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Ann, you couldn't have given it a better title. Things have been shitty lately with me. The break up with my ex, well he broke up with me via third party. Over something real stupid at that. That in itself has caused me to have an emotional rollercoaster going on. The hard part is trying to get over him when I still love him and I truly believe has lost him for good. In an effort of not trying to dwell on him, I put a few feelers out on some dating sites. Be distracted and try to have fun, right? WRONG!!!! I met a few guys...Bachelor#1--Great date, had fun but something seems a lil off with him. I can't quite put my finger on it. But my spidey senses( ) was going off....Bachelor #2---Not my type in any type of way, he actually caught me on an off day. Younger than me by 10 yrs and all he wants to do is get in my pants....Bachelor #3--- Actually a nice guy but he would make a better friend to me than a lover. I just don't see him in that light. Then there are a few that I text maybe one time and that's it. How can I get to know someone within say 3 texts? I guess my hearing impairment must've gotten to them. So in a nutshell, I have come to the conclusion that.....1...Dating Sucks......2...I still love my ex and prolly always will. In his defense, he wasn't all bad......3..I need to be independent like I was before...Honestly, I don't think I even want to be bothered with trying to have a friend with benefits...Not when my heart feels the way it does, wouldn't be fair to that person. Whew, that was a helluva rant.

On top of that, I am going to see my caseworker. I get on the bus to go there and this lady while talking on her cell phone, spills her hot coffee on me. Then had the nerve to laugh to whoever she was talking on the phone to about it. I wanted to punch her in her face so bad. I couldn't go home and change or I would've been late. So, instead I had to go to the appointment looking like I pissed on myself. So, Yep, shit definitely does happen!!!!

Betty-- Whatever it is, I hope you feel better. Maybe it's a trend...you, me and prolly a few others we don't know about. You know if you need to talk about it you always PM me here or send me an email. Sometimes it's good to just talk about it to someone and not keep it in. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers...

Now to add more shit....I have found out from my sister that my son has gone back to selling drugs. And also that he was trying to get over by asking me for more money than he needed for some work pants. Yes, he did get a job and he is out of the halfway house, those are good things. I am just disappointed that he went back to selling. I feel like he didn't listen to a word I said in all those letters or the talk I had with him when I went back home. *SMH*...He's grown and he made his choice. But if he goes back to jail, he is on his own. I just have too much on my own plate to be worried or stressed out about him.

And I think someone hacked into my Facebook account. My password has been changed. So, I reset it for a new one. Then I try to log on today and the same thing happens again. I don't know how this is possible. I had my security settings done on there. And I always turn my computer off at night. I don't know what to do about now. SO, you ladies who go on Facebook be careful. Gonna go run a scan or something.

Hey Queen, thanks for the offer to listen. It sure is appreciated. It's a bit better today. I'm so, so sorry about your son. That's got to be frustrating, and at the same time, what can you do. I am sorry, though. And someone's hacking into Facebook? Wasn't that like a news story not too long ago? Or was that Myspace? I can't remember. That's terrible. I hope whoever is doing that stops it. You know girl, the invite to listen goes both ways. I'll listen to you as well. I think you have my e-mail address?

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

I thought it would be a good time to join the ladies thread. I started typing a few times but then I always delete it. It's always hard being the new kid on the block.

Yesterday was a not-so-good day for me. I've just been feeling so lonely lately, not alone because I have my husband and children but things have definitely changed. I miss the closeness and intimacy that we had before my diagnosis. I try to keep things into perspective and I realize that that is not the most important thing. But it is hard....I miss the way he used to touch me. I hope that aspect gets better.

I've always had low self esteem and I think HIV is the biggest blow to my self esteem. Most days are good though, I haven't spent too much time dwelling and feeling sorry for myself. I have two daughters that I homeschool and I keep my focus on them. It does seem weird at times that life just keeps moving on. I expect life to move on but it seems surreal. I just keep plugging away, teaching and doing what we do.

Now that I got that out of the way....now I want to brag about my kiddos a bit. My 2nd grader had a reading fluency test the other day and she rocked it. She can read an average of 60 words per min. That makes me feel super! At least I am doing something right. My youngest just started Kindergarten and she is having a blast, excited to learn how to read so she doesn't have to ask sister. They are awesome girls and I just want to do right by them.

HippieLady, welcome to the thread. I am glad you finally did a post. This is a great place for support as I am sure you have seen since lurking for a few. Great bunch of ladies and I use them for support as much as I can. Like I told Betty, feel free to bend my ear anytime. And Betty, I think I still do have your email address so I am going to have to take you up on that. So be looking for one from me, you still have my email right? I believe it is listed on here if you don't. I think I will clean up and make a salad then prolly hit you up then.

Thanks for the warm welcome Betty and Queen! I was a little overwhelmed by the length of the last thread that it kept me from jumping right in.

Hubs and I are not against therapy, we just think it's not our thing. We have good communication skills and talk about anything that it bothering us. It wasn't always this way but he has gotten better. Right now I just think it's getting over fears...my fears of infecting him mainly. We are still very close; we cuddle, hold hands and snuggle in bed. But the actual act of love is something that happens infrequently. Again this is something that has plagued us for a few years even before finding out my status. I guess I'm just hornier than he is.

I had a bad day a few days ago....I call it the Snow White apple syndrome. I feel all fresh, shiny and perfect on the outside but inside I feel tainted and rotten. It's a silly analogy but it fits how I feel sometimes. Hubs is really good about it and I can talk to him about how I feel without him trying to "fix" it. He's a good listener.

Overall, I feel super most of the time. I wish I could gain some weight just so I can have a little cushion in case I catch a cold or something. I am at my lowest weight since I was in my late teens. My appetite is good if I have Aunt Mary to fuel it but if we're out then I struggle to eat. We were thinking about quitting for good for a variety of reasons but it doesn't look like I will be able to keep weight on without it....not that I'm complaining cause I love smoking.

I need to get into our classroom and do my teacher planning for the week...fun times! I also need to make my lab appt for tomorrow or Tuesday. I hate getting labs done and have really procrastinated this time around. I really wish they didn't have to take blood so often because it really skeevs me out to have needles stuck into me. <shudders> Just thinking about it freaks me out!

I hope you ladies are having a good weekend, trying to stay cool and all that jazz.

Since HippieLady so bravely paved the way for newbies, I'll join in to!

Yesterday a chance and completely innocent comment from my mother set off an emotional shit storm in me. Couldn't sleep last night, and have been moody and teary all day. This. Sucks. I'm used to getting emotional, but this is a different beast, I literally cannot shift it, even for a minute. I think I'm hormonal, but my cycle isn't all that regular so who knows? Hopefully it will have lifted by tomorrow.

Also, and this is very hard for me to admit; couple friends of my husband and I just announced their pregnant. They've been trying for two months. We've been trying a year. The emotions this brings up are sorta complex, but generally unenjoyable. Jealously is only a small part, mostly it brings up feelings of "I'm not good enough," etc. You know, all that great stuff. Of course part of me is thrilled for her. But it feels like a punch in the gut. There, I said it. Phew. Kinda nice to get that off my chest.

WELCOME Hippie Lady, Ballerina, ! I have been MIA, due to a family crisis. My god sister's 16 year old daughter got hit by a car and truck while crossing the street. Her car is not running and I have been running her back and forth to the hospital, a few times we spent the night. Our families are very close. I call her daughter Kiera my neice. Kiera was in ICU and unconsious for over a week, she just recently woke up and is doing better. She broke both legs and had to have surgery, a fractured skull, preferated liver, very bad damage to her lungs,. and phenmonia! It was touch and go for a while. Lots of prayer and a miricle braought her through, she still has a feeding tube and can't swallow but is up and talking, no permanant brain damage. She fell face down after being thrown in the air, she has bruises and cuts all over. It was devastating, but thank god today she moves to Scotchish Rites childrens hospital in Atlanta for her recovery.I have also been taking care of Lucy who has been spaded, but acts like nothing ever happen, no sickness or anything, running around after a day or so! Then I got sick last week with a cold so I am resting now and feeling better!hopefully I will be divorced before the end of the month!! Talk to my lawyer and she said we most likely don't have to go to court! Judge will sign papers and return!Queen, I am always praying for you, glad things are looking up, Mu mom says to go to social security about you getting a phone for the hearing impaired. You can also look in the front pages of any phonebook and get the info.BeTTy hope things are well with you!

Kate, do you have a vibrator? Just askin'. Good luck with the labs. I've been getting them so long (diagnosed 21 years), I guess I'm used to it.

Ballerina, welcome! I hope you're feeling better.

Netta, congrats on the divorce. I know that's a load off your mind. I hope your niece will get better and better. Sounds like a horrible thing she went through. She and her mom are lucky they have you.

Nothing much going on right now. Just doing a drive-by.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Kate, do you have a vibrator? Just askin'. Good luck with the labs. I've been getting them so long (diagnosed 21 years), I guess I'm used to it.

Omg...I'm so glad I wasn't drinking anything or I would have shot it all over my computer. Yes, I do have a vibrator but as you know it's nothing compared to the real thing. I don't like most dildo type vibes because they just feel weird inside. I like my silver bullet but if it takes me a while to get the job done I feel like my girlie bits are still vibrating long after I'm done. Maybe I just need a better tool.

Omg...I'm so glad I wasn't drinking anything or I would have shot it all over my computer. Yes, I do have a vibrator but as you know it's nothing compared to the real thing. I don't like most dildo type vibes because they just feel weird inside. I like my silver bullet but if it takes me a while to get the job done I feel like my girlie bits are still vibrating long after I'm done. Maybe I just need a better tool.

LOL....I have a silver bullet too that my bff gave me for my bday a few years back. I swear by it especially since I am single again. And bought a 16pk of Duracell, ok!!! Sometimes I have to put in some overtime.....

I would've commented the other day but for some reason the site kept kicking me off even though I was using the correct password. I don't know what that is about. So Welcome Ballerina, hope to hear more from you. And this freaking bouncing around is getting on my nerves. And yes I did click on the compatibility view. So this will be a drive by post cause I can't deal with the bouncing

Netta...So sorry to hear about your niece. Is she doing better? I hear of so many car accidents in my area, it's so sad. Please keep us updated.

Ballerina...Are you using anything to pin point fertility. Right before I found out I was poz, my husband and I were trying for a baby. I bought the ClearBlue Easy fertility monitor and it worked like a charm for us. We got pregnant the 1st month of using it. Sadly I lost the baby due to all the stress I was under at the time. I still have the monitor and two months worth of test strips leftover if you are interested. I could ship it to you....pm me and let me know if you are interested.

I went and did my labs this morning after putting it off for a week. I have such a mental aversion to needles and now my arm feels super weird. I wish they'd invent some cool Star Trek device to test our blood without having to stick us.

I have to take my husband to the airport tomorrow, he has a business trip and then he's going to go visit some family. The girls and I are going to miss him. I'm not looking forward to watching tv alone after the girls go to bed....I'm kinda afraid of the dark still. It sounds silly, I know, but I think it goes back to my childhood and that fact that an intruder came into my house about 7 years ago. Good thing I have my big scary doggies to keep us safe.

Netta, so glad to hear Kiera is going to be ok. HippieLady, thanks, and I sent you a pm.

I, too, have a silver bullet, and wouldn't use anything else (well, accept for the real thing, of course!).

I don't feel up to talking about emotional stuff at the moment, so instead I will mention something totally random that's been bothering me all week. For awhile now I've noticed I seem to have less thong underwear. It's been a gradual thing, that came to a head six days ago, when I couldn't find even one pair after my morning shower. I looked in my drawers; nothing. I looked in my closet (which I never keep underwear in); nothing. I looked in the clean clothes basket, and my husbands drawers just in case; nothing. Finally I unearthed 2 pairs in the dirty clothes hamper, which I washed and have been alternating with since.

What the heck happened to the rest of my thong panties?! To clarify, I still have plenty of standard undies, it's just the thongs that have gone MIA. If I didn't have a severe fear of panty lines, this wouldn't be such a problem.

I talked it over with my hubby (yes, we actually had a conversation about missing underwear), and he thinks all my thongs are in the clean clothes basket and I just didn't see them. Considering missing what's right in front of my face is a talent of mine, he has a point. But I looked twice and they aren't there!! ...I don't think....

My theory is somewhat more convoluted, involving intruders who leave behind no trace, their only objective being to steal my undies. Well, that or the wash machine ate them. I'd say those theories are about as equally likely as each other....but whatever the cause, I want my underwear back!

When I can't find an article of clothing I automatically think someone came in and stole it. Then a few days later I'll find it. I swore to my husband that someone came in and stole one of my t-shirts. I had looked high and low for the shirt, but apparently not in the spot it was in. I'm sure they are around somewhere...just eluding you.

I can't wear thongs, they are a pain in my ass. Whenever I'm concerned about panty lines I just go commando and problem solved. I know it's not for everyone but I find it liberating. I didn't wear panties for about two years a while back.

Ballerina and Hippielady---- Funny you guys should mention missing thongs. I seem to only be able to find 2 pair of mine. I think there is a thong fairy out there who steals them. Sort of like washing your socks but then when you put the clothes away you notice that some are missing. I never do worry about panty lines but I remember my mother always saying that it doesn't hurt going "commando" sometimes because your vajayjay needs to breath too.

Just wondering, do you ladies give your vibrators names? I know my sister does, she has 2 a big one and a small one. She calls them DAMN and DAMN JR. I just call mine BOB short for battery operated boyfriend. I need to find another BOB, not that I don't like my silver BOB but I just want to have a variety.

HippieLady, it's funny we both have similar streaks of paranoia when it comes to missing things. I think I get mine from my Mom, she's hilarious about it. I remember one time my Dad was in the woods by our house, sawing up some tree stumps. We went out to bring him lemonade, and couldn't see him. Mom's face gets all withdrawn, like she's battling some internal impulse. Then she whispers, 'Maybe someone came and absconded with him...." She knew it wasn't true, but it was her default thinking pattern.

Queen, what is it with missing underwear right now? We are both operating with two pairs of thongs, which works but isn't what I would call fun times. Apparently the Thong Fairy covers a lot of territory! Btw, I love Battery Operated Boyfriend!! What a clever name!

Queen...I just call mine BOB too. My sister and I used to name all our pipes and bongs back in the day, we were clever little stoners too. We had a wooder peace pipe that we named Ol Chief WoodenHead. We were silly!

I'm down right now, just dropped my husband off at the airport. He'll be gone until next Thursday. It sucks so bad because we are rarely apart from each other. The girls are a mess right now, crying and missing daddy. I hope I can get though it without my "backup". I'm so used to him coming home from work and being able to tag out for a bit. It's gonna be lonely around here.

Well, I have a vibrator, but haven't actually named it. Being that I'm not in a relationship, the vibrator is better for me right now than a man or woman (bisexual), because if it were a "new" person, I'd have to teach him/her what it is I like, and sometimes I feel like I'm getting too old for it. I don't just go for the wham-bam; I need to have an O also.

Kate, sorry about your husband being gone. I hope things go well for you and your daughters. When I smoked pot back in the day, I had a collection of pipes. I had some pretty ones; glass, with paintings on the stems, and even a stash pipe. My parents found my collection, though, and got rid of them.

Not a whole lot going on. Sometimes I feel like my life is spinning in circles, and that it's going to crash and burn soon. Not sure if it's just one reason. Oh well, have a good one.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Hippie Lady, A few years back I was constantly missing underwear. I thought they were lost in the laundry like the one-sock thing. Turns out a guy I knew was sneaking into my apartment and taking them. It was really creepy cuz I was really good friends with his wife. She ended up leaving him, she found out about all his escapades (I wasn't the only girl missing underwear) and dumped his ass. And Im with you on the commando thing, I gave them up altogether.

I had a bong back in the day but now I just smoke joints or blunts. Being here where I am, it's a journey just trying to find some green. I know there has to be some close by where I live but since no one knows me I end up going all the way to Harlem. Which is a journey from where I am in Jamaica.

I hear you Betty but sometimes I just want something I can feel, ya know.

Very Interesting ............ I don' have a Bullet, never have but I'll have to put that on my shopping list!!!Hope all you ladies are doing well.!Kiera is doing well no feeding tube! her mom tells me.Hippie lady just want to know if your husband has been tested for hiv ? i think conseling and education would be good. My ex of 8 years was negetive and stayed that way providing we never used condoms. It was his personal choice. My doctor told him the risk was lower with women infecting men. I believe that to be true, because when i got diagnosed back then none of my paartners were positive. There are so many types of condoms out that i'm sure you both would enjoy. Betty- how r u and ur daughter! have u went back to school yet??balerina and Queen and everyone mia ,shout out to u !!!

Hey gf'sI have been MIA for a while too. I have been so busy with work and my boyfriend, Once in a while I drop by and catch up but just don't have time to post. Welcome to the new ladies, this is a great group of friends and you can say what you think here.

A couple days ago, I was in a very dark place, emotion wise. It almost seemed like a manic episode or something. I went from being a bit down to almost suicidal in a couple minutes. I kept thinking that if I got drunk, it would take away the pain I was feeling. But, luckily, my logical mind took over, and I reminded myself that even if I could drink, it wouldn't be any good for the diabetes. Then I remembered one of my next door neighbors smokes pot. I thought about going over and seeing if she would smoke one with me. Then I remembered how paranoid I was the last time I smoked, and forgot about that. So I started wishing I was dead. I've tried suicide in the past. My arms have scars on them between the wrists and elbow bend, when I opened them up. That time, if someone wouldn't have found me, I probably would have been a goner. Anyway, I'm not going to go into my stories of trying to off myself. But, I was in a horrible, horrible space. I'm glad I don't own a gun.

I slept a lot of the day, and even went to bed extra early. I slept for about 13 hours that night, and when I got up yesterday, and for most of the day yesterday, I felt exhausted, like I hadn't slept in years. I haven't had an episode like that in a long time. I don't know if that was mania or not. I was thinking about making an appointment to see my doctor, but I don't want to be put on more meds. I just want his opinion. And I know if he hears the story, he's going to want to try something. And I don't want to be on anything else.

Also, I almost went and got some cigarettes. I kept thinking how nice it would be to have a long drag off a cigarette. Then I thought about the long-term, that when the depression passed, I would be hooked on smoking again, and it would be harder to quit. Not that it made it easier. And even if I would have started again, I probably wouldn't down myself too much.

Anyway, that's my rant for this morning. Sorry for the downer, but that's how it goes sometimes. I hope you all are having a good weekend.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

I defintely feel you Betty. I wasn't feeling suicidal but I was in tears a lot last night and lately I have been sleeping until around 4ish. I just don't want to get out the bed. I know it is depression. There are a lot of things on my mind that I am trying to deal with. I keep telling myself that it will get better but it never does. I just keep going through highs and lows. I am just tired of feeling this way. I am to the point now that talking about it doesn't seem to do any good.

Queen, a friend of mine, when I told her about what happened with me and depression, said I may want to mention it to my doctor, because of the severity of the depression. Do you have a doctor's appointment coming up? Do you think being on an antidepressant would help? Sometimes I hesitate to tell my doctor this stuff, because I think I don't want to keep adding pills, or go through any more side effects. I do take Welbutrin, but it may be that the dose needs to be up'd, or something. I hope you feel better soon, girl. I'm thinking about you and I will be saying a prayer for you.

Yesterday evening, I watched this special on VH1 about Soul Train. It was really a blast from the past. I used to watch it like in the late 70's, early 80's. Seeing some of the old artists again, like Shalimar, was really pretty cool. Anyway, I hope you all have a good day (especially you Queen ).

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Just dropping in to say I am here. I haven't posted in a while but everything thing is fine. I am 21 weeks and 1 day pregnant. We are having a little boy. He looks great. Heart kidneys and all. I was on Atripla when I first got pregnant. I was 2 months pregnant when I found out. So I was kinda nervouse about that. My children are fine. Husband is fine. We all just taking one day at a time. Sometimes I get depressed when I think about my status. BUt with prayer it blows over after a while. In Dec. I will be 3 years positive so i guess its still kind of new.

BT65, congrats on going back to school! That's something I should have done years ago, but didn't. Which means I should be doing it now, but so far I'm not. It's so intimidating to me. How did you push through that enough to actually register?

So about my baby issues...still here. But I'm being proactive now, which is a good thing. I'm reading a book about fertility awareness, given to me by a female friend of my husbands. I already new that temperature was important somehow as an ovulation marker, but I always assumed by "temperature" it meant temperature "down there." As in, sticking a thermometer in your coochie. My husband said no, stick it in your mouth. So, I consulted the book to settle the matter. The book, perhaps thinking that no one in their right mind would presume to stick a thermometer in their girly bits, never specifically said to stick it in your mouth. I wanted to believe my husband, but a little voice in my head kept repeating, "what does HE know," so I told him to call his friend and ask. My husband flatly refused to ask his friend if I needed to stick a thermometer in my vag, so we settled it another way; we googled it.

Needless to say, I'm sticking it in my mouth. And don't ask me why I thought what I thought, because I don't know.

BT- Sorry you were feeling so down, I hope that you are feeling better. You can call me whenever you want, my phone is shut-off now cuz my SO didn't pay the bill but it should be back on soon. Is pot legal where you live? I wish it was here.

Ballerina- That is a funny story, you never know, it could have been your who-ha, good thing you checked.

Queen- Did you get everything worked out with your case manager making appts and stuff? Maybe something is in the air, I have been feeling crappy lately too. I hope you are feeling better!

Keeping- I'm excited for you, show us some prego pics on FB

My doc took me off Atripla this past week because I wasn't undetectable anymore. He checked me 2x and then decided I should just switch. I am now on Prezista, Truvada and Norvir. It's only been about 5 days now and I got my period the same night I started the meds and that usually makes me feel like complete and total shit anyways, so I think this regiman might be good for me. I think I am finally feeling better about this whole disease, it only took 17 yrs(in Jan for meds anyway)...the first night I opened the Prezista which is orange and the Truvada which is blue, I thought to myself "What pretty colors!" Ha, ha, stupid I know!!Then before when I was on Norvir which needs to be refrigerated, I would make sure I took my meds out of the fridge before anyone came over. My friend stopped by the other day and I didn't think about till after she left. YAAAHHHHH me

When my doc was telling me what he was changing me to, I asked about the Norvir being in the fridge which I have been on before and he said that is the "old" pill. When I got the bottle , it still says "must be refrigerated" I am not sure what is up with that but I just keep it in the fridge. Anybody else on this combo?

Ballerina, I actually got my undergrad degree last year, so I had been in school for a couple years. What I'm going into is a master's certificate in alcohol & drug counseling. Now that was intimidating, even if it isn't a full master's degree per se. I just hated the whole application process, and am clueless as to what I wrote for a personal statement about why I wanted into the program. But, if you want to go back to school, I strongly encourage you to do so. Funny story about the fertility temperature. That had me laughing, and I needed a laugh. Hey, I probably would have thought the same thing.

Snow, thanks. And no, pot isn't legal here in Hoosierville, even in medical cases. Of course, about 20 minutes, is the Michigan border, and pot is medicinally legal in Michigan. Last time I smoked a hooter was like 6 years ago. I got very, very paranoid. I was sitting on the couch, and had to go to the bathroom, and kept thinking "if I get up to go to the bathroom, I'll fall over trying to walk there." I think I finally went about an hour later.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Snow, I know you're happy about the kids being back in school. We'll have to hook up some time this week. Like I pm'd you about, I've been having a lot of trouble with insomnia lately. My doctor switched me, about 3 weeks ago, to Lyrica, and I don't know if that would have anything to do with it.

Queen, good luck on the date! You'll have to keep us in the loop about it.

Hippielady, I used to get UTI's all the time. Now, when I get one, I go straight to the doctor's. I was in a coma before because of a UTI. The antibiotic I was on wasn't cutting it, and the poison from the infection got into my bloodstream. Please be careful with that.

Like I was telling Snow above, I'm having tons of problems with insomnia. But I feel exhausted. My doctor switched me from Neurontin to Lyrica. Reason being, I told him I was having a lot of trouble with dizziness/nausea, and he seemed to think the Neurontin could be contributing to that, and that the Lyrica was a better med to go with. I had heard some bad things about Lyrica from a friend of mine, who supposedly have fibromyalgia. I have to say, though, I haven't really had any bad side effects from it (unless it's causing the insomnia). I'm going to have to look it up to see if it could be causing the sleeping problems. I think that's it for now. Everyone take care.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

BT65, I can't tell you how impressed I am with what you're doing. That kind of work is so necessary, and important. And insomnia...what a bitch, right? There is nothing quite so tizzy inducing as laying wide awake and anxious for hours. Some mornings I wonder if I'd feel fresher staying up all night. I don't have trouble every night, I go through good and bad patches. I hope your bad patch resolves itself soon!

Snowangel, the kids around here went back to school this week too. For me that means timing my morning coffee run carefully, to avoid getting stuck behind the school bus!

Queen, good luck on the date!

HippieLady, sorry about the UTI. I've had my fair share, luckily antibiotics usually knock them out quick. I'll send your bladder warm fuzzies. That sounded weirder than I intended.

In my news, the hubby and I had a really good talk about babies, etc. We finally spoke very honestly and directly about the possibility that it may not be in the cards for us. It was good to get it all out, especially considering when we get stressed, we both clam up. Funny thing is (cause with me there's always something), our talk happened at the local Mexican restaurant. We didn't plan on having an emotional break through served up with our tacos, it just happened. The wait staff and fellow diners could hardly miss that something was going down, because tears were coursing down my cheeks. Falling apart in public doesn't bother me, in a way it's oddly freeing. So was the emotional release that came with stepping up and making my relationship to myself and my husband more on track with what I want it to be.

Ok, gotta go to bed. I'm sitting here playing (but not watching) The Peacmaker on youtube, just to listen to George Clooney's voice. Definitely time to get off the computer.

Well don't feel bad but I have been quite nocturnal too. I am usually up now til 6. I haven't gone to sleep yet. I'll prolly stay up cuz I am waiting on something to come in the mail. The mail lady runs around 1 so if I go to sleep I'll catch a nap then.

Ballerina--Glad you and ur hubby had that talk, now u both feel better. And you never know, you may still get pregnant when you least expect it. The stress of planning it would drive me crazy.

Well, I can actually say that I have been looking forward to this date. We have been talking for a few and we have a lot in common. Even bi-polar exes. He works second shift so the date is going to be a late on but it's not like I have anything to do. Next weekend we have already made plans to go see Resident Evil: Afterlife 3D. I am a sucker for a zombie movies and I have the other 3 Resident Evil movies.

I am going to keep it short. I need to make a store run. I'll chat later if I am not in a sleeping coma.

Ballerina, that's great that you and your hubby have been able to talk and reconnect. And who cares if it happened in a restaurant? It happened, and that's what's important.

Queen, I'm sending really good vibes for your date. I'll be very anxious to hear how it went!

I started school last night. The students aren't very friendly, but the professor is very intereseting. Most of the students have their master's degrees, and most already work in the counseling field. So, they really think they're "all that." I just want to make it through. Tonight is my other class; we'll see how it goes. When I got home from work, I wanted to go to sleep so bad. And today, I woke up at 3:00, then laid back down until 3:45.

Today at work, my boss is supposed to take me out to lunch for my b.d. I really don't like going out to lunch with her, because I feel like we don't have much to talk about. Hopefully other people will be going, so it won't be just her and I. I believe that's it for now. I hope everyone's alright!

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

BT65, too bad about the unfriendly, snooty students, but at least the Prof is good. And you are so right, who cares where the Big Martial Talk happened, point is it HAPPENED! It helped me recalibrate my role in our relationship, reminding me that I'm the one that directs the flow of emotional communication. Not to say the health of our marriage is all on me, just that I'm the one that steps up and speaks up if something needs attention, if that makes sense. I'm the emotional touchstone in the marriage, and I forgot for awhile that I'm up to the challenge, and actually kick serious ass with it.

Queen, I too am sending you good thoughts for your date tomorrow!

This weekend we are painting the exterior of our house. I've done interior painting before, but never a job of this magnitude. I'm a little nervous, but I think we'll blast right through it. My sis in law and nephew are helping, and we have a paint sprayer which should save time. For the moment my biggest conundrum is what to wear for the dirty work. In a fit of organizational insanity, I threw away my old and battered work jeans. Big mistake. Considering I can't even eat without collateral damage, I'd say whatever I wear needs to be amenable to getting covered in staining substances. My hubby has a white Tyvex (I think it's called that) full body suit, including a little hood. If I wear that I figure I'll look like I'm tromping around a crime scene, but at least I'll be clean. It's gonna be way too big, though, so...yeah. Maybe I'll just have to "retire" a pair of my other jeans. Wish us luck in our big adventure!

Snow, They just changed the Norvir to a pill instead of that big fat capsule. It doesnt need to be refigerated. I love it because I get most of my meds thru the mail and they couldn't mail the old Norvir.

BT65, I know what you all mean about the depression that comes and goes. Sometimes I feel like Im fine with everything and then sometimes I feel like I can't keep doing this. I have had post shingles pain for 2 1/2 years now. I never would have believed Id still have this pain all this time later. I dont want to take pain pills but I take 2 nerve blockers (BT65, one of them is Lyrica) that help some but wreck my short term memory, and I wear lidocain pain patches. The pain just really wears on you, day after day. I know if I tell the doc Im feeling this way he'll want to add more meds....dont want that!

Ballerina, good luck with the painting. A girl I work with and I were just talking about that, and I have to admit, I've never painted, outside of paint-by-numbers.

Deb, ug, post-shingles pain. That's got to be horrible. I have neuropathy pretty severely in my feet. Started years ago, with the earlier HIV meds, then got worse when I had uncontrolled diabetes. I was taking Neurontin, but my doctor thinks Lyrica is a better medication. The only thing that's changed for me really since starting Lyrica has been the insomnia. But, I'm going to get some Benadryl today to help with the sleep. I'm a former using drug addict, and doctors recommend Benadryl to addicts for sleep. Hope you feel better.

The class last night, student wise, was better. I actually talked to some people, and they seemed pretty nice. There are some people in there who are still a bit snobby, or I could be reading them wrong. The professor last night, though, had everyone's nerves on edge. She has no experience in addictions (the major is addiction counseling), and I don't know if she even knows what addiction means. She's been a therapist for years, but mostly in elementary school. So, she didn't know a lot about what she was doing last night, and that wasn't good.

Well, yay, it's a long weekend with Labor Day coming up. I hope you all have a good one, and Queen, I'll be waiting to hear about your date. Have a good one.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Ugh...so I traded my uti for a yeast infection. Yippie! I should have asked them for a prescription for the pill stuff but I forgot. So now I gotta use the monistat stuff. It doesn't burn for my but it sure is messy and doesn't work super fast.

Today is my daughter's 8th birthday. We have such a busy weekend planned. Today we are taking her to toys r us to spend her birthday loot, then a surprise trip to chuck e cheese. Tonight we'll have cake and ice cream and all that jazz. Then tomorrow we are going to a Diamondbacks game. It'll be the girls' first non pre-season game and they are very excited. To be honest, I'm pretty excited too. I think we are going to take the light rail into the city, that should make it more relaxing if I don't have to drive. I'm sure Monday will be a rest and recoup day, we might throw some food on the grill.

Hi Katie. Every time I have to take antibiotics, I always make sure they give me a script for fluconazole at the same time because I am absolutely guaranteed to get the yeasty beasties from the antibiotic. I've always been that way, but since I've been poz I get oral thrush as well. Not fun at all. Hope your daughter has a great day. I can hardly remember when mine was only eight! She's 23 now and back at university training to be a teacher.

Betty, I've been having insomnia a lot lately too, but I'm not taking any new meds or anything. I keep thinking of you when I'm lying there awake. I think it's just stress in my case.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts