RHOC: “I hate the word ‘teabag.'”

Last night was sort of an in-between episode of Real Housewives of Orange County – all of the wives had returned from Canada, no less rude for it, and most of the drama that happened there didn’t get much of a push forward during the most recently episode. The cast chatted, both amongst themselves and with their respective spouses, and it served as a bit of a helpful primer on where all the various feuds and alliances currently stand. It wasn’t an exciting episode, but perhaps one that was…entertaining enough. Yes, that’s what we’ll call it.

1. One of the furs in Gretchen’s suitcase looked suspiciously like her dogs. Her dogs also seemed confused and intrigued by it.

2. They blurred out Heather’s last name when they showed Gretchen’s phone. Are we not supposed to know Heather’s last name? Has anyone told the Internet that? Or the producers, for that matter? Wasn’t there a whole storyline about Heather’s last name last season?

3. Heather and her husband still might build a new house to accommodate their accidental fourth child. This prospective new house, if you’ll remember, was the fake-y intro that Heather had way back in her first episode of the show, way back when Tamra was pretending to be a real estate agent and we were all supposed to believe that might be her new career. Well, apparently someone off the street offered the couple over $16 million for the house, even though they hadn’t listed it, but they might go ahead and sell it because then they can buy the highest point in the world and/or county!

4. Tamra set her own wedding date, thankyouverymuch. Eddie still doesn’t seem all that jazzed about getting married, but he said he’d show up if Tamra took care of making it happen, so she set her own date and Eddie said it was fine. That moment when your fiance declares that he doesn’t care and you unilaterally set your own wedding date so that people will stop speculating about whether or not you’re really ever going to get married is what all little girls grow up dreaming about, I’m pretty sure.

5. Vicki still thinks her vodka line is a thing. Not only that, but Brooks seems to be pulling a paycheck from it, despite his alleged recreational porn star activities and the fact that he and Vicki are no longer an item. Brooks, being a grifter of some apparent experience, is in it for the long con.

6. I watched this episode with someone who hadn’t seen the show in years. “Wait, who is that? Was that the same person who they just showed in the interview?” “No, that’s the person she’s arguing with.” “Wait, what?” “Red shirt. The person in the interview is the person currently wearing the red shirt.” “Why do they all have the same hair?” “Because it’s legally required in Orange County, as best as I can tell.” “Then why does that one woman have brown hair?” “Uh…well, she’s married to a plastic surgeon, and plastic surgeons are revered as gods in this culture, so she gets special privileges.”

7. The members of Lydia’s life group actually looked like normal, non-reality TV people. Well, except for the girl with the blonde Housewives curls and the bedazzled forehead strap. She was super excited to be on TV.

8. Alexis had an audition. I could hear Heather faintly wail off camera as soon as she said it. If only she could have seen Alexis drawing stick-figures on the back of her script to enhance her performance, she might not have been so upset in my imagination.

9. Gretchen’s song came at the very end and I got all hopeful that it might not actually happen. I should know better than to get hopeful about this show, because it always finds a way to be worse than you ever thought it could be. Not only was Gretchen recording a song, but it was a song for Slade. Not only was it a song for Slade, but it was a proposal. Everything is actually much worse than it seems like it is on the surface, which is maybe the greatest lesson that Real Housewives has to teach us on the whole.

10. Listening to Gretchen sing reminded me of being a child. I can’t sing, at all, and I used to make my parents and brother (and grandparents, if they hadn’t managed to escape the room already) sit in a row on the couch and listen to me perform concerts. It was annoying then, I’m sure, but they indulged me because I was six. Gretchen, I’m pretty sure, is not six.

11. So is Lauri lying, or is Brooks? If there’s a way that they can both be lying, then that seems like it would be the most likely scenario. Lauri said that Brooks was sleeping with a porn star, Brooks said he hadn’t done anything with anyone since he and Vicki broke up. So maybe he didn’t bang that friend of Lauri’s daughter, but he did bang someone. That’s a way that they could both be lying! I feel like that must be what happened.

Share Your Thoughts With Us

No Eddie seems like he’s bisexual and prefers the company of men most of the time. Also Tamara is just so God awful that any man who will agree to marry her looks odd by default.

winterpenny

I laughed when Terry and Heather were talking about building a new home. I liked all the drama about whether they should take this “risky” step. Selling a home for $16MM and building a bigger home on a better lot isn’t my idea of a “risk”.
Could the have been blurring out Heather’s phone #?
Alexis’ audition was funny, but she has a better chance of making it as an actress than Vicki does selling vodka.

I don’t think they were blurring out Heather’s number. The way that iMessages are set up on iPhone (which is what they were using), whatever was in the “Last Name” field for that contact would have shown up where the blur was. The only way that a phone number shows is if there is no first or last name for a contact at all, and since Heather’s first name was clear, that’s not the case.

Maybe Gretchen has Heather’s last name listed as something obscene…

AshleyG

I die a little inside with every minute of this show that I endure. I still can’t get over Vicki’s screeching and screaming whenever she gets upset and how no one has demanded she take a daily sedative. I just really. can’t. stand. Vicki.

Tamra and Eddie… part of me thinks they are a truly genuine couple, but i’m kinda over them. They seem oddly matched in the first place and I kinda agree with the comment that he is kinda creepy.

Is anyone else still stuck on how pretty Alexis comes across this season?! I’m thinking it’s the hair but overall, she just looks younger, and prettier than the whole lot- including (and maybe especially) Gretchen!

Gretchen…wretched Gretchen…

I want to like Heather…she seems to have the most sense out of all the cast members… But she’s just so, snobby? I can’t quite find the right word for it but she’s in a perpetual state of eye roll. And it’s annoying…

God bless sweet Lydia.

Did Lauri use to date Slade? I forget… I need a recap on all his RHOC ex-girlfriends/fiances.

jane

I also want to like Heather but can’t. She’s horrible but holds her nose up as better than the others for doing the exact same thing as them. Plus, having her handling this whole part on the tv show and who was offered a part and no one was really offered a part since she got a part and blah blah and grow up!

Kate W

I wonder how much plastic surgery Gretchen has had-she used to be SO pretty but now she has a super harsh jawline and kind of looks mannish. Definitely a case where aging naturally would have looked a whole lot better.

jane

Agree! She was naturally pretty when she was first on the show but the plastic surgery and caked on make up are doing her no favors.

londonhermit

I’m in total agreement when she had coffee with Alexis she looked particularly plastic it was kinda scary. Slade is so disgusting if she marries him knowing he has no job prospects she is stupider than I thought.

Kristina

How about the creepy dude (I think it said he was a producer of some sort?) in the audition that was alllll about Alexis? Papa Jim had to be pissed when he saw that scene.

jamiesmcd

I think they should revamp the show and give us a full hour of Alexis going on auditions, drawing stick figures, and talking about how she would like to play the person acting like Jennifer Aniston. That was pure magic.

Msass

This women is so dumb, she makes me cringe!!

Sarah

I get the creepy vibe from Eddie too. Always have wondered about Tamra and him, never expected it to go this far and the dinner to set a date, he acted very controlling, or condescending or….not even sure of the right word, he was very direct about keeping him out of the wedding. It was strange. Lord knows what I think about the Brooks thing, I dont care who Vicki wants to play with and Brianna needs to get over it and realize she can not be the boss of her Mom. That bugs me. Alexis is beautiful this year. Heather seems awesome, there is something about the way she made sure to down Gretchen and Alexis about the Malibu potential role. There was no reason for her to make sure everyone knew she was a top dog in the acting world. That was obvious grand standing, she has alot going for her, no reason to stoop low like that. Slade is getting paid to insert drama and Gretchen is tough enough to love her man no matter how idiotic he makes himself look. Let them be like that, doesn’t bother me at all, but I don’t care for either one that much. Lydia does bug me though. Something about this one, I know she is trying to get in the mix, and I do like her mouth, she says what we are thinking, calls people on the carpet. That is good. Just keeping my eye on her, something is up.