The Best Picture mix-up at last year’s Academy Awards was an unforgettable moment in a historically boring show

I want to be clear from the start: Every grumpy thing I say here about the Academy Awards, I take back if I’m ever nominated for an Academy Award. Over the next several hundred words, I may call the Oscars telecast “historically boring,” “doomed to fail” and “utterly skippable,” but listen—if I’m ever up for one of those little golden statues, I deny all of it. It’s just nonsense that the Journal has put me up to. I love you all, wise Academy voters, and by the way, you all look fantastic tonight.