I want it to be more like the things I write (idea)

i want this to stop hurting after i talk about it, instead of getting worse. instead of pulling me further. this is real. this isn't the simple tragedies of every day, this is my life, this is something that i can't cry away and there are no arms to crawl into when it is all too much, except my own. this is my life.

these are doubts and fears and they are overwhelming. i find tears too often just thinking, simply thinking.

i cry because maybe i watched too many movies. maybe i thought, doing anything to be together applied to everyone who was in love. maybe i lived a fairy tale. maybe i am still a tiny child inside and these tears are the tears of not being able to communicate with the world around me well enough to find a way to make them stop.

when it is all breaking, in my head, and when i'm too tired, i want this to be like the things i write. fast, torrents of thought that spill and are gone, gone, gone...