I was never sure if 2002 JTizzle was telling the listener to cry him a river sarcastically, or if he was being 100% REAL with his request. For the sake of this exercise, imagine JT telling you to cry him a raging river in a really sarcastic and belittling tone.

Remixed, of course.

Justin Timberlake – “Cry Me a River (Deficio Remix)”

Step 2. THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH THE GOVERNMENT OWES YOU, AND THEN JAM THE FUCK OUT ABOUT IT

Sángo – “Owe Me Back”

What a gem.

This Sángo.

Takin an old Nas/Ginuwine song “You Owe Me” and choppin it up oh-so-finely.

Check, Check, Jam it out:

Step 3. SAY YOUR NAME. THEN MAKE IT RAIN.

ODESZA – “Say My Name (Hermitude Remix)”

I don’t think you can spit in the air and not have it land on someone who HASN’T remixed this song. Like a modern day sonic Helen of Troy, this is the song that launched 1,000 remixes. But guess fricken what?

Most of ’em are amazing.

Our funky fresh fave bein this one:

Step 4. DON’T GET MAD. GET GLAD.

Listen.

Filing taxes is some tedious shit.

Piles of paperwork. Realizations that you spent an absurd money on burritos in the latter half of 2014.

BUT.

No need to be sad. Instead. Get fricken glad.

Because once the bull shiza is over.

You can buy something shmancy and dance to happy songs with deceivingly sad titles like this:

And chances are grand that most of my tax-savvy peeps are right-handed, leaving their—dare I say it—LEFT HAND FREE to do lots of stuff like, cup a beer, snack, turn up the volume on an episode of Broad City or most importantly:

Yep.

But.

Whether you’re a right-handed Randy or a left-handed Lucy.

You get my goddamn point:

Step 6. FILE —> CELEBRATE

Take your pants off.

And rock out my friend.

Because YOU are officially TAX-FILING FREE.

For like a year.

HOLLA.

Penguin Prison – “Calling Out (Elephante Remix)”

Step 7. SPEND THAT EXTRA CASH ON SOMETHING THAT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL

Put on your classiest sneaks.

Grab your wallet that’s somehow survived since 2009.

Play this fuckin song.

And buy something fucking delightful.

Like a latte. Or a Lamborghini.

The Score – “Oh My Love”

Step 8. DON’T GET AUDITED

Just. Don’t.

Stay sketchy. Coast under the radar. And make this song your goddamn anthem: