Tales From the 'Twoc: The Chronicles of Bobbia

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Stayed the night at Danny's so the morning's drive wouldn't be a hassle. First time at his place. He warned me that I needed to let the water run a bit before it got hot, but twenty five minutes just for a warm shower! What a way to start the day, glad I got up early (to be honest, didn't sleep much that night (took a nap waiting for warm water)). I'm on my way on the first leg of the trip. gtg baggage check

later,

B

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BAGGAGE CHECKPOINT

Sent By: "Bobbie" bjn26@contact.com On: Feb. 02/09/11 6:02 AM

To: "Maxine" maxie99@friends.com

Baggage check was going a bit slow; I was directed to the body scan. Being assured, "we don't see the images, ma'am", I walked through with my arms held over my head and I was on my way... again. Why was that TSA guy smirking at me?

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IT'S NOT EASY BEING GREEN

Sent By: "Bobbie" bjn26@contact.com On: Feb. 02/09/11 5:11 PM

To: "Maxine" maxie99@friends.com

You know I'm a bit nervous flying what with the queasy stomach thing. Took your advice, drank apple juice, it did the trick, felt great, but that was the first flight. ty M. Sat next to a nice lady on the connecting flight, we began chatting about our Kindles and how much we enjoy them blah blah blah; then the plane took off... after several minutes I needed some juice. I drank it down waiting for it to do it's magic once again. Well guess what? It didn't :( If only I didn't forget the Dramamine; couldn't read, didn't want to talk to nice Kindle Lady and couldn't sleep. Seat was next to the toilet. Why don't stinky men close the door when they are done? when the flight attendant announced 20 min to landing, my mantra for the next 20 minutes: " i can do this"When we landed the Customs Agent could tell I was moving a little slow. Choosing my words carefully I tried to explain that I had forgot to take something for motion sickness. She had never heard of this and kept asking me what exactly I forgot. Never going through Customs before I didn't want to say words like drugs or pills or anything; I gave her a weak smile and moved along.

It took a couple of hours to bounce back from feelin' green.

I bought Dramamine in the gift store :)

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KEEP IT CLEAN

Sent By: "Bobbie" bjn26@contact.com On: Feb. 02/09/11 5:45 PM

To: "Maxine" maxie99@friends.com

Traveling with a travel agent has it's good and bad sides. Good side: we got fresh fruit in our room on arrival, another day there were chocolates with a special invite to a luncheon. Bad side: she knows too many of the behind-the -scene goings on in hotel rooms. For instance she checked for bedbugs and made sure we washed the glasses before we used them. It seems the maids will clean the toilets then wipe down the counter and sink. Don't mean to sound paranoid but I wasn't sitting on the bedspread no matter what, either :)

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EWWWW!!

Sent By: "Bobbie" bjn26@contact.com On: Feb. 02/13/11 7:45 AM

To: "Maxine" maxie99@friends.com

Just got back from my beach run. I have to say is it awesome but get this!!! After my workout in the gym I stop in the restroom before my run. I hear the maid come in cleaning. But GET THIS! it's a little man! I wasn't scared only startled. He's been wiping down the stall next to me then he continues onto the sink, then into the stall I just came out of. But GET THIS!!! He's using the same rag!! He only had one rag!! Yikes!! I didn't doubt Dar's warning, but now I saw it with my very own eyes. I know she's gonna freak when I tell her.

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EWWW!! CONTINUED

Sent By: "Bobbie" bjn26@contact.com On: Feb. 02/13/11 10:08 AM

To: "Maxine" maxie99@friends.com

She freaked.**************************

WILL BE HOME SOON :(

Sent By: "Bobbie" bjn26@contact.comOn: Feb. 02/16/11 12:26 AM

To: "Maxine" maxie99@friends.com

Can't believe the week is over! It was great! Better get some sleep, early breakfast then off to the airport. I'll call you when I get home.

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DO I LOOK LIKE TROUBLE?

Sent By: "Bobbie" bjn26@contact.com On: Feb. 02/16/11 2:33 PM

To: "Maxine" maxie99@friends.com

I got to be the "chosen" one again. First I get noticed because I had my pant legs rolled up; it was hot! Then I am pulled aside by security, my bags are searched and I was frisked! Finally, out in the "backyard" on the way to the plane in a strong wind. At least I got some assistance from the grounds crew, he carried my bags up the plane's steps. When I got on be plane I see Dar kneeling on her seat watching for me. I mention what happened and add that the handcuffs didn't leave a mark. A fellow passenger commented that I "looked like a real threat " hahahaha .

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GTG

Sent By: "Bobbie" bjn26@contact.com On: Feb. 02/16/11 3:33 PM

To: "Maxine" maxie99@friends.com

planes abouat 2 take off, wont have wifi, call u when I get home

took dramaine cya

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CANCELED FLIGHT

Sent By: "Bobbie" bjn26@contact.com On: Feb. 02/16/11 8:25 PM

To: "Maxine" maxie99@friends.com

My flight was cancelled, something about fog in mke. I'm on standby for 10:30. Fat chance I'm getting on. It looks like I may be sleeping here tonight.

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HUNGRY TIRED

Sent By: "Bobbie" bjn26@contact.com On: Feb. 02/16/11 10:52 PM

To: "Maxine" maxie99@friends.com

Everything is closed and I haven't eaten since 11:30 this morning. An airport worker gave me a bagel, now I'm thirsty.There is absolutely NO ONE except me and a few floor sweepers in this place; I've been up since 4:30am

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GEESH!

Sent By: "Bobbie" bjn26@contact.com On: Feb. 02/17/11 12:15 AM

To: "Maxine" maxie99@friends.com

Now I just got kicked out of the gate area :( I was just trying to sleep in this airport

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LATER THAT SAME DAY

Sent By: "Bobbie" bjn26@contact.com On: Feb. 02/17/11 2:08 AM

To: "Maxine" maxie99@friends.com

In my little corner of the airport I found a place to charge this thing, but there was no juice. A man nearby pointed out the receptacle on the floor; it worked and he charged his phone, too. Now that we have this bond I had to listen to him tell me about how he has to get back to Mexico before his mother dies, he lives two hours away on virginia, he's unemployed but going to school to be a mechanic has 5 kids/9 grandchildren (you know what I say... blah blah blah... )I'm REALLY tired but can't actively doze off because my iPod os plugged in on the floor 15feet away. I just couldn't wait for the full charge (I hope that won't be a prob for the batt) I'm sooooooooottttiredIndeed to get some sleep and with the ipod safely in my purrrse I balled upmy jacket and sweatshirt and curled myself up in the chair. I slept for fifteen minutes.Miguel, Jose, or Pedro, whatever, has been pacing

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NOT FINISHED YET...

Sent By: "Bobbie" bjn26@contact.com On: Feb. 02/17/11 2:40 AM

To: "Maxine" maxie99@friends.com

He'S still pacing and when he sees I'm awake he starts talking; he doesn't have a ticket blah, he'll probably be gone for 2 or 3 weeks blah blah, his kids at home help him with his math blah blah blah...I am getting a backache from this stinkin' chair; when Sanchez paces a little too far, all the time smiling and blahing. I get up to stretch my legs. I remembered there is a padded bench on the restroom and head that way. it is about 3' long but it will have to do; I've found a bed! But, pulling my carry-on with backpack and purse strapped to me , not to mention im wearing a lime green straw hat ( it's beginning to come apart and i should toss it out, it only cost 20 bucks, but i've bin carying it so longggg and I like it )) since I look homeless imay as well sleep in a public restroom. I bunch up my jacket again and add a few pieces of clothing to make a better pillow. This is not one of my better ideas; my clothes stink and I can't get comfortable on that small bench with the occasional flushing in the backgrounddddddddd

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HOMELESS IN TEH AIRPORT CONT

Sent By: "Bobbie" bjn26@contact.com On: Feb. 02/17/11 3:07AM

To: "Maxine" maxie99@friends.com

Maxie frogive my spelling im tried and the this keybored is tiny but i haveto tell this story to you because i coud forget some ofit

I decide to get back to my chair and pacing Pablo (isn't this guy tired yet! ( now he's drinking star bucks))I think a hooker just passed me. Now this other creepy guy comes in my space. He's been hanging around as long as I've been here. ( maybe he had a cancelled flight too) I casually get up to stretch my legs and he follows me. My stuff is still by my chair. I head over there to move my things and he offers to help. No, thank you!, and o begin to leave. He starts in my same direction so i turn toward him and say "get away from me!" Pepe comes over and asks if I need some help; creepy guy turns and walks away. By this time the morning TSA shift is beginnnning to arrive. I'll have to get rechecked but ill be in a more secure area. Just as all homeless do, I will head into a restroom wash my face, chain my clothes and find a comfy chair to sleep in until my flight. butt I will buy something to eat rather than rummage through trash cans since the clean up crew emptied the garbage just hours ago and there hasn't been any activity except for Manny, the hooker and creepy guy.

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THERE'S MORE

Sent By: "Bobbie" bjn26@contact.com On: Feb. 02/17/11 3:28 AM

To: "Maxine" maxie99@friends.com

You know how sometimes you hear something drop and you bend over to pick it up but you don't see anything so you think it was your imagination because you don't want to keep looking? When I returned from my homeless bed in the restroom I noticed something on the floor behind my chair, (I could have been (mildly) freaking out later, but I picked up the Dramamine and tucked it back into my purse. Whew! is all I can say.

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IT AIN'T OVER YET

Sent By: "Bobbie" bjn26@contact.com On: Feb. 02/17/11 4:16 AM

To: "Maxine" maxie99@friends.com

It's 4:30 am and I haven't slept more than three hours since yesterday morning at 4:30am (I am happy to still be on my normal schedule); I might add it was not three consecutive hours.Now I go through the checkpoint only to be pulled aside because a something suspicious in my bag, mind you I got through the check last night and passed just fine; this morning my flax powder is the prolbem. After I got the go ahead I headed to my home away from home aways from home from..... the public restroom or as we say on the streets: the toilets.As I am washing my face the maintenance guy yells for a all clear before beginning his work. I'm in no mood to be rushed (sleep deprivation is as good an excuse as any) after I letmy presents be known I put on make up, straightened my hair and changed my top, and gave maintenance guy the ok and headed out. with all my teeth intact no one had a clue I was homeless, well maybe not really homeless but I did sleep in a bathroom, for about five minutes one night.

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BREAKFAST TIME

Sent By: "Bobbie" bjn26@contact.com On: Feb. 02/17/11 5:12 AM

To: "Maxine" maxie99@friends.com

Everything is starting to come alive and I am sooo thirsty. The gift store had water and I got the 1L; boy did I need it, ANd I didn't mind paying 3 bucks! I am so hungry. I was looking for breAkfasty food, no sweets. I wold have preferred a veggie wrap but the only thing Abailable was egg and cheeses in a flat bread a cup of coffee and I'll be just fine; remember I was homeless. I didn't want to sit on dirty stools so mayed my way to the gate. Pulling my bag and backpack I'm really getting a workout, but now I've added my jacket and breakfast to that side of my body; my other arm is holding the coffee and I'm wearing the hat again.Finally sitiated in my new corner I plugged in the iPod took a sip of the coffee and burned my tongue. Quickly looking for my $3 bottle of water ( I guess that statement confirms I did mind paying that much) I realise I left it near the breAkfast counter. I just stood there. I debated wether or not to pack Up and go back. I'm begining to pase just like my buddy Valdez. There was no one around. I thought I could run the quarter mile and retieve the water. Then the warning about leaving bags unattended stArtled me. By the time i ate my "breakfast", licked the grease off my fingers, the coffee had cooled and my tongue didn't hurt. I'm going to try to take a little nap, I lay my head on the window sill and there I saw it, drinking water !!

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AM REALLY TIRED

Sent By: "Bobbie" bjn26@contact.com On: Feb. 02/17/11 6:51 AM

To: "Maxine" maxie99@friends.com

druring that last email I had to rake a nap; not seeing what I wrote I did know that I was falling asleep and had to quit I woke at 5:40 your time; you'll have to tell me how much sleep I got that time. Then i went to the rest room haha I think that's funny becuz i cant rest but i'm in a rest room hahaha. i bought three mrs fields Choco chip and a $2.50 bottle of water and didn't leave it behind. I have been walking in this place at a good pace and not on thatmoveing Thingy so I don't feel bad about the cookies ( ok, FINE, maybe a little since I have to justify ) :]

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I'LL BE HOME SOON, I THINK

Sent By: "Bobbie" bjn26@contact.com On: Feb. 02/17/11 8:30 AM

To: "Maxine" maxie99@friends.com

Getting ready to go I sat with my fellow disgrutiled passengers that were inconvenienced from last night; sure did learn alotIt seems one of em got a free hotel and I was told I would only get a discount. One of our concerns was not knowing the flight was cancellled. The US Airways rep said a bored ing pass would not be issued for a cancelled flight. that's fine but why didn't they at least tell the flight crew so they could inform us and we wouldn't have had to rush about . I was running with untide shoes; what if I fell. probly woud be my falt . man I'm tired but you hafta know what happin in case I nevr get back home. there's this rasta guy sitting by us listening to everything we say, he's going to milwaukee, too. Rasta tells us to email our complaint to US Airways , "they don't want to lose your business". btw he wasn't a Rasta guy after all, just had goofy hair.

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I MAY BE HOME AFTERALL

Sent By: "Bobbie" bjn26@contact.com On: Feb. 02/17/11 8:52 AM

To: "Maxine" maxie99@friends.com

there are 2 planes parked out back, a guy asks me, "you're going to mke, cuz I'm just following you?" Our hilarious flight attendant tells us this plane is headed to Louisville. He was the only one who thought it was funny.

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DON'T READ ANYTHING UNTIL YOU READ THIS FIRST!!!

Sent By: "Bobbie" bjn26@contact.com On: Feb. 02/17/11 5:27 PM

To: "Maxine" maxie99@friends.com

I've reread all my emails to you; some are pretty bad. I was tired, the keyboard is too small, I was homeless. Just don't read them!!! I'll call you.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Last night as I was reading my book the room suddenly grew dark. Panic set in as I looked up at the ceiling light and realized I couldn't see a thing! I was blind! I cried out for help knowing no one would hear my call; I was home alone. I was now completely taken over with panic and I started shaking. The more I shook, the more I could see light! I stood up and shook my head back and forth (a bit of a head banging motion) I was now able to see everything around me again. I fell to my knees crying for joy. By this time my family returned to find me crumpled on the floor sobbing. As my daughter helped me to my feet she explained my temporary blindness (mind you she has no medical training whatsoever); I was calmed. She then led me to the bathroom, put a towel around my neck, and trimmed my bangs.

Friday, July 2, 2010

When I got to the gym this morning I saw a penny on the ground and thought:
Find a penny, pick it up
All the day you'll have good luck!

yeah, right.
.....good luck!

When I got to the Spin Class all the bikes were taken so I went in the pool; the water was so warm it was difficult to work out.

I didn't know this until I returned home but we lost power for a moment during the night. That explained why I overslept and didn't get a bike for the class.

I had to reset the microwave and bedroom clocks.

Normally I just let my dog out the back door; this weekend we are dog-sitting a dog that needs boundaries, i.e., a fenced yard. While walking the little pooch I stepped in "something"; had to hose off the bottom of my shoe.

Any extra time I had this morning was making me late for work.

Expecting to be the only one in the office today I was looking forward to playing the radio a little louder and getting caught up. My alone time lasted until about 8:02, the receptionist decided not to take a vacation day. I thought I talked a lot; she has me beat hands down. I was able to sneak away when someone else walked in and she started her story all over again.

Because of the power failure the internet was out and I got two phone calls from home about it. My advice was just call the cable company; I knew full well all they would have to do was unplug everything for a reset. If this were the first time I would have just mentioned that .......

A customer came by unexpected and aiming to please, I met with her. During our conversation I suddenly got a dry spot in my throat that coughing wouldn't relieve. There I sat choking, eyes tearing and voice sounding like I was sucking in helium.

Fortunately, at the end of the day I didn't get to the parking lot when I realized my car keys were still on my desk. Unfortunately, my office is about a block and a half from the back door.

I broke a finger nail when the door slipped out of my hand.

After work I ran; then ran into a couple of neighbor friends. After chatting for thirty minutes I began to get stiff from not stretching right away.

I walked the rest of the way home and saw a shiny penny on the street. I left it there.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

I'm so glad school is almost over for the year.I'vebeen asked to help "study" for the last time.I don't know about other parents but at this stage in the game I don't want to "study", but I do.I'd like to share my rather unorthodox ways of getting the correct answers.

First I try by making up a question using the whole statement but omitting one word.For example: Trees have green leaves.My question would be: Trees have green.....?I'm not that good making up questions, too much reading so I have other ways to get the answers out.

My next tactic is to begin to spell out the first word, than the second and third.... when that fails there is the slow, gentle whisper of the first syl.... then secondla.... and finally the last ....ble of the answer.That usually works so the next move is rhyming words, and my favorite, charades! This is when I begin to enjoy helping out.

The buzz of her texting machine drew a "don't you dare " look from me. And I continued to coax answers.

We were muddling through the seven deadly sins.I'm making acronyms for another list and continuing with the charades. We were having too much fun, when I admitted that I thought I would be great in a game of charades.She agreed, but added, only if I was playing by myself and in front of a mirror.I think disrespect should have been on that sin list.

I was off the hook when the phone buzzed again and she went to a friend's to study chemistry.

At about midnight I woke up and didn't feel right; it took me until 3:00am to get sick. I immediately felt better and went back to bed thinking that was the end of it. I was wrong; the next half hour found me back in the bathroom two more times. Getting up so often was making me dizzy and I made a pillow of towels and slept there for awhile. Good thing I did.....

I do goofy things and have goofy thoughts when I'm sick. I would never think of cleaning the bathroom, the toilet in particular, without wearing my rubber gloves; when I'm sick, i.e., puking my guts out, the toilet is my friend. That big bear hug I reserve for those closest to me belongs exclusively to my porcelain buddy. Sitting there on the floor with my head practically consumed by a toilet I have an odd sense of comfort knowing that if I don't choke, I'll be feeling better any moment. I have never choked and always feel better.

Back in bed my uncovered foot and arm are giving me the chills. I pull the sheet up to my chin and feel warm immediately. The problem is now I'm too warm; this goes on for awhile until sleep returns.I'm awake again and I find myself hugging the toilet. I don't know if I'll make it; it's all I can do to get back to bed. I'm concerned that the sheet will get pulled over my head. I am reassured by my daught (sic) that I will be ok and as usual I'm being"so dramatic".I guess crawling down the hall to her room at 6:00 this morning and weakly calling out her name for help may have had something to do with the dramatic comment. Cut me some slack here, I never get sick, don't know how to deal with it.She patted me on the head as she was kindly on her way to the store for some over-the -counter meds and reminded me not to touch anything on her bed.

I awoke forty minutes later in my own bed, (how did I get there?) I found some saltines and a glass of water waiting for me. Stale saltines don't taste all that bad. I must be on the road to recovery or still too weak to change the channel; I'm not feeling a bit nauseous watching Bobby Flay whip up some gooey barbeque on The Food Channel.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

I used to live in a two room apartment; kitchen and bedroom/living room. The closeness of the rooms was convenient; when I got hungry in the middle of the night, I'd just roll out of bed and open the fridge. During the winter I'd leave the oven on at about 200F to dry my mittens or keep the "bedroom" warm. Another feature of my oven was its self-cleaning capability.

One rainy Saturday afternoon I noticed the bottom of the oven dotted with cheese from frozen pizzas along with black french fries and greasy crumbs and decided it was time to let the oven clean itself. I turned the knob as far as I could when I heard the loud click of the door automatically closing. The oven was on its own. I sat back with a good book to let it do its thing. In about seven minutes a stream of smoke began to seep through the side of the oven door where the gasket was worn. As the minutes went by a noxious plume of smoke filled the kitchen. I had no place to hide. I tripped over the door stop running to the only window in that tiny apartment. Frantically, I cranked open the window as I realized it was garbage day and still raining out. A light went on in my head at the thought of having to run down three flights of stairs, around to the back of the building in the rain only to struggle to open the dumpster lid. I pried open the oven door before its cleaning cycle was complete and tossed the trash in the oven. It was burning anything and everything that stuck to its bottom and sides so what harm would a few coffee grounds and chicken bones do?

The smoke was getting out of hand. I had to get out of there! The apartment door slammed behind me and I ran down the hall and knocked on my neighbor's door. (I'd been wanting to meet the cute guy in 3B for some time and now was as good a time as any). There was a moment when I wondered if I would be criminally negligent if the building burned down. Those thoughts quickly passed after he invited me in, handed me a glass of wine and helped me out of my shoes........