Angered by her attempts to hold up
his confirmation as the UN ambassador, John Bolton today called Senator
Barbra Boxer 'a snot-nosed keister kisser', and threatened to shake her 'until your
eyeballs fly out of that smug head of hers'.

Appearing along with Boxer and
Rev Louis P Sheldon on FOX's 'Weekend Live with Tony Snow', Bolton was in an
unusually combative mood, shedding the scholarly demeanor that he has tried
to maintain during the nomination process. Although congenial at first,
Bolton grew increasingly agitated as Sheldon launched into his patented
Mister Rogers rap.

“The
left-wing smear merchants have proven exactly nothing in their relentless
attacks against this man becoming our next U.N. Ambassador,” proclaimed
Sheldon. Bolton nodded aggressively in agreement, and repeated the word
'nothing'. “But, they keep trying, curse their black and godless hearts.
Liberals like Boxer here apparently can only tell anecdotal stories that
allege Bolton has gotten angry in the past at his employees. Well, I suppose we can tell
stories too".

"Is
this the new leftist litmus test, huh? That no Bush nominee can ever have
expressed anger or yelled at a subordinate? Because that is one great big
steaming pile of shit, Ms. Boxer. Are liberals now proposing the ‘Mr. Rogers’ litmus
test for all Bush nominees?"

"I am
no Fred Rogers," erupted Bolton, jumping from his seat to loom
threateningly over Boxer.
"Fred Rogers is a pussy!"

Snow
attempted to intervene at this point, but received a kidney punch from
Bolton. Boxer ran from the room as Snow slumped to the floor, but not before
Bolton had issued his threat.