Do you know the sweet, sweet joy of making another man cry? Do you know the incredible thrill of beating a man at something so badly that he vows to never play again? Well friends, I know these feelings very well and I've decided it's time to share them with someone else.

In this column you will learn methods and strategies that will enable you to demoralize the competition and win your league without breaking a sweat. I will share with you strategies that I have developed which are unknown to the wide world until now. You may find (if you search long and hard) other fantasy football “experts” that may at times touch on a few of my techniques, but you will not find a comprehensive philosophy such as I have laid out for you.

How much would you pay for such a system? $1,000? $2,000? Nay, I will give you this gift for no upfront cost.

I ask of you only one thing in return for this knowledge: secrecy. You must swear yourself to secrecy and share with no one what you see here. If everyone started following my strategy then where would I be? Rich and famous? Sure, but what are the riches of the wallet compared to the riches of the soul. That deeply satisfying sensation that comes with the knowledge that you have completely and utterly humiliated your opponent, you can't buy that. Besides, I'm already incredibly rich. But if the other people in my leagues knew what I know, that would almost make it a fair fight and if there is one thing I can't abide it's a fair fight.

So, if you decide to read on you must swear on the lives of your children to not breathe a word of what you learn to anyone.

Without further ado, I present to you... The System.

Make note of these seven rules, and then immediately destroy that note (there are eyes everywhere).

Roster spots are gold in fantasy football, treat them accordingly. Kicker, Defense, and IDP's roster spots should be used for potentially more valuable positions, namely RB and WR. Your roster should be a constantly rotating and shifting beast with new blood and potential breakout players coming and going. The more players you have on your roster, the more chance there is that when a player goes off, he will be on your team and you won't have to scramble and hope to get him on waivers.

No backup QB. You read that right, do not carry a backup QB. There are exceptions to this of course, but as a rule, don’t carry two QB’s. It is mostly a waste of a roster spot. There should be plenty of options to choose from as a bye week fill in or as, heavens forbid, an injury replacement.

No backup TE. This should be obvious, but it is not. Every draft I participate in has the vast majority of other drafters wasting a roster spot on a backup TE. Since almost no leagues play more than one TE, there will be many options for you to choose from should the need arise.

Defense/ST don't matter that much. I know what you're thinking, 'the Seahawks defense carried my team last year!' There just isn't enough value over a season to worry too much about your defense. Stream away! I would advise using your defense's roster spot on a potential RB/WR and pick up a free agent defense, based on matchups, right before kickoff.

Kickers do not matter at all. The No. 1 kicker last year scored only 1.8pts more per game than No. 10 kicker. Use the kicker spot to stash potential RB/WRs and pick up a free agent kicker right before kickoff. This gives the RB/WR the most chance to become valuable while on YOUR roster, and it keeps them off your competitor's roster. Also, if you do end up dropping him to pick up a kicker, and he goes off in that weeks game, your competitor will be forced to use the waiver wire next week to get him instead of just snagging a free agent.

Scout ahead. Check at least two and three weeks ahead for potentially fertile matchups. Last year the Texans awful secondary was a bonanza for opposing WRs, likewise the Bills run defense was practically guaranteed to yield massive points to opposing RBs. So, using your available roster spots, pick up promising backups that might be thrust into a starting role if an injury fells the incumbent. Imagine the terror that your opponent will feel when the matchup he's been waiting for blows up in his face when his stud RB tweaks an ankle the week before he goes up against Buffalo, he quickly scrambles to pick up his backup only to discover that someone else beat him to it, and that someone is you.

Use the waiver wire. I'm familiar with the theory of waiting and maintaining your number one waiver priority and thus being in position to pounce when that clear cut waiver wire gem shows himself. My theory goes something like this: there is no such thing as a clear cut waiver wire gem, so you shouldn't wait for it. If a guy flashes some real promise or there is an important injury that could shake up a depth chart, snag that guy now. Let someone else sit at the top of the waiver priority week after week paralyzed by the idea of giving up his top spot. He's waiting for THE guy to come along, and you are thinking ahead and picking up MANY guys and thus increasing the odds that one or two will become a valuable commodity.

Ultimately, if you follow the above strategy, your roster will end up with many more of the money position players (RB/WRs) that score the most points. These players will give you a tremendous numbers advantage over your competitors and will pay dividends over the course of the season.

Remember, don't just defeat your opponent, make him question why he bothers to get out of bed in the morning.