Archive for August, 2008

This past Saturday it seems Marcel Vigneron, Top Chef Season 2 runner-up, was busted in Laguna Beach on for drunk driving. Mr. Whitefrofoamjelle himself was pulled over for speeding but the officer soon noticed that thefreaky foam loving chef was twisted! Sippin’ on that foam goes right to your head! Dude was arrested, and released on $2,500 bail.

It seems the only way for alot of these reality stars to stay in the news after their 15 minutes are up is to get drunk and drive around California. Im movin’ out there. I mean this guy, who may have the creeeepiest haircut of all reality television, is news WHY? Oh that’s right, it’s his FOAM creations! Mint grape jelle foam reductions always get me.

Does this guy’s hair ever move? Or is it a helmet? Somewhere Elan, who has terrible hair fashion too, is laughing it up. Again.

Jenna Jameson and Tito Ortiz are offically pregnant. Yes, it’s true. Jenna told UsWeekly, “Yes, I can confirm I’m pregnant. It’s still early, so I’m being cautious. I’m resting as much as possible. I’m so happy! I’m just saying super healthy. I’ve moved down to the beach with Tito — I love being by the beach.”

Now, first things first, I am shocked this chick can even have a baby. She weighs about 22 lbs,(look at THIS bikini shot, its work safe) and that’s after a good sandwich and before she pukes. Second, I would have thought jarring around all your plumbing with various toys and appendages for years would have an adverse effect on said pipes. Guess I was wrong. Then again, Nicole Richie pulled it off, I shouldn’t be really surprised, right?

Now, my absolute favorite part of the USWeekly article is this:
“But the devout Catholic — who has tried in vitro — told Us, “It was all in God’s plan.”

DEVOUT CATHOLIC!??!?
WHAT!?

Ummmm, last I checked “Professional Baby Batter Canvas” was not an accepted form of employment by the church. Wow. Now I’ve heard it all. I’m sure the kid will get some DOPE name like Apple, Chow, Pi, Spartacus or Bomb. Weird names and celeb pregnancies are blowin’ up these days!

Lastly, not only will this kid probably get some sick name, but he/she is going to have to take a ton of abuse growing up. Here’s the thing, when I was growing up if some kid was like, “Your mom’s a whore!!” I would get mad and try and fight him, or insult him back. If Jennito’s kid is mocked in such a way, all he/she can do is accept it as a truth. His/her mom, by definition, spent much of her life as a whore. That sucks for the kid!! Maybe Tito can teach the kid some ground and pound if it’s a boy and he will be accepted anyway. If it’s a girl though, and I’m Tito, im keepin’ mom and her devout catholic ass (as loose as it may be!) away from her!

The US is back where it’s supposed to be, atop the basketball world. The “Redeem Team” won the gold this morning against a very talented Spain squad. Dwayne Wade was ridiculous throughout the game, finishing with 27. Kobe was the man though, his 20 points came in mostly crucial situations and he showed why he is the MVP of the NBA.
Redeem Team Pics:
Kobe on top where he deserves to be

The OG’s..The Dream Team

By the way, does anyone else think Pau Gasol and his brother Mark are REALLY scary looking?
Last place faces, silver medal skills.

Man oh man. Crack. The Drug. It is certainly not good for you or your career.

Why am I talking about crack you may ask. Well, at a recent Jodeci reunion show in Australia the effects of crackish behavior were demonstrated on full blast. First off in the crackish cliche, Devante didn’t show up. This now became a K’Ci and JoJo concert. K’Ci as usual walked around shirtless, however this guy’s ribs were sticking out so far he looked like one of those kids Sally Struthers used to cry about. When you watch the video it’s like watching a topless Tyrone Biggums pretend to sing. The concert was said to be terrible, but then in an even more cracky cliche move, JoJo just walked off the stage. After a few minute K’Ci decides to go into “All My Life’ the duo’s smash hit from back in the day. As he is leading the crowd through a sing-a-long JoJo finally walks back out on stage and begins to sing. Terribly. After about a minute and a half of the video you will see JoJo start to do some REALLY crackish stuff such as doubling over, rubbing his head and face and eventually collapsing. Now, crackheads collapse on the regular, this is by and large, par for the course when using crack. The most amazing part of this collapse though is the way the rest of the human beings in the venue reacted to it.

JoJo’s brother looked at him in a cracky heap on the stage, looked back to the audience, raised the roof a little and continued to “sing.” The security walked over to JoJo and picked up his mic and walked away. Can’t damage the mic! Forget about the lifeless heap of crackhead in a vest laying next to the mic. The crowd is cheering, although the cameragirl is shocked. After a little bit JoJo re-enters his body from the planet of Crack where he had been for a minute or so and rises to his feet with the help of his brother who has already finished the song, said goodnight to the crowd and asked the crowd to applaud JoJo for trying his best. Trying his best to do what? OD? Die? Ruin what smidge of a career they may have?

The craziest part is noone is surprised by this. The brothers hug in a “we are both on crack and so emotional let’s hug because I LOVE YOU MAN!” type of embrace, the crowd roars, and the 2 stumble off stage. It is a truly touching sight to see and I hope you watch and enjoy.

As I already stated here the chinese women’s GIRL’S gymnastics team cheated! The minimum age is 16 (there’s no maximum, see: Oksana Bayul’s old ass) and these girls are clearly younger than that. There are rumors of documents proving the true ages being in the hands of the IOC. Word is they’re dragging their feet on the matter.

The creepy hacker found spreadsheets from the General Administration of Sport of China which list He’s birthdate as January 1, 1994 – making her 14 years and 220 days old. You can slap lipstick on a pig, that doesn’t make it a dog. You can say a 14 year old is 16, doesn’t make it true.

The creepy hacker is quoted as saying, “Much of the coverage regarding Kexin’s age has only mentioned ‘allegations’ of fraud, and the IOC has ignored the matter completely. I believe that these primary documents, issued by the Chinese state … rise to a level of evidence higher than ‘allegation’.”

So this report is about as surprising as the recent reports of Jonathan Knight being gay, but it’s still annoying. What is the point of having this world class competition with rules and regulations if you turn a blind eye to cheating.
Step your game up IOC.

So, Olympic medal winning machine Michael Phelps will be peddling Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes, NOT Wheaties as has been tradition.

Frosted Flakes has three times the amount of sugar as Wheaties and 1/3rd the fiber.

There is heat now coming at Phelps – faster than that breast stroking Milorad Cavic – from health experts who are worried about the message he’ll be sending to the fat little children of America.

Nutritionist Rebecca Solomon of New York’s Mount Sinai Medical Center says, “I would not consider Frosted Flakes the food of an Olympian. I would rather see him promoting Fiber One. I would rather see him promoting oatmeal. I would even rather see him promoting Cheerios.” Apparently this little chippy wants Phelps to endorse something that tastes nasty, but Michael Phelps keeps it real. Frosted Flakes are delicious.Plus I’m sure the check he got for hocking Frosted Flakes is fatter than the fattest kid in your kid’s class.

Now I realize childhood obesity is a serious issue. Sincerely. But can you really expect a guy who eats this for breakfast:three fried egg sandwiches, with cheese, tomatoes, lettuce, fried onions and mayonnaise, followed by three chocolate-chip pancakes; a five-egg omelette; three chinese female gymnasts, three sugar-coated slices of French toast and a bowl of grits a maize-based porridge, washed down with two cups of coffee.
to be worried about a little extra sugar in the cereal he endorses?