Therapy: At times, clinically I was aware of the process, but applying it to myself, I could be clueless. My journey leads to this anonymous place where I can tell of my life of abuse and trauma primarily through my past journals, current commentary, some current journaling and posts on specific issues I face. I hope to increase awareness & compassion for those of us with mental illness.

Fragmentation: a mental process where a person becomes intensely emotionally focused on one aspect of themselves, such as “I am angry” or “no one loves me,” to the point where all thoughts, feelings and behavior demonstrate this emotional state, in which, the person does not or is unable to take into account the reality of their environment, others or themselves and their resources. This is a term that my therapist and I use and is on the continuum of dissociation.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

I cannot believe that this blog has reached its 500th post today. Happy Birthday to me!! That is a heck of a lot of writing and sharing. I started this blog on 5/8/08. And, yes this is shameless self-promotion: 275 posts for Something Just To Start (Virtual Art Gallery) and 125 posts for Go! Smell The Coffee for which I am one of many contributors. I began SJTS on 4/3/08 and began with GSTC on 10/13/08. That is a total of approximately 900 post in about a year and a half. (I could do the math...this one was easy. LOL

Granted some of the post were duplicated on other blogs, but who cares!! I beat the average of most blogs lasting six months. I decided to investigate what are the typical characteristics of a blogger.

According to Robin Good Blog, Bloggers are sexy men. At least according to Technorati's report this is true. Your typical blogger is male, intelligent, ranks among the high-middle class, and in his primes. Sexy is of course subjective, but having intelligence, wealth, and youth can't hurt.

Hmm...I don't really fit that profile. One, I am not a sexy man, but I have been called a female who is really a "gay man." (compliment to me!!). Okay, I am intelligent. I'm not sure, but we might be upper-middle class and what are the primes? I definitely don't have youth going for me. Do you fit this profile?

According to another blog for which I cannot figure out the name because it is in some Asian characters stated the following: The Big Five are major personality traits that have been discovered through extensive research: Openness, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism. Recently study examined the relationship between the Big Five and blogging.

The Big Five factors and their constituent traits can be summarized as follows:

Conscientiousness - a tendency to show self-discipline, act dutifully, and aim for achievement; planned rather than spontaneous behavior. (Okay, that is me)

Extraversion - energy, positive emotions, surgency, and the tendency to seek stimulation and the company of others. (Definitely not me, at all!!!)

Agreeableness - a tendency to be compassionate and cooperative rather than suspicious and antagonistic towards others. (Okay, that fits.)

Neuroticism - a tendency to experience unpleasant emotions easily, such as anger, anxiety, depression, or vulnerability; sometimes called emotional instability. (Do I tell the truth? Yea, that fits.)

Why Blog?

creative expression, money-making possibilities motivate only 15 percent of bloggers, and most blog on a variety of topics, with 11 percent focusing on politics.They are less likely to be white than the general Internet-using population, and more than half live in suburban areas. "Bloggers in general don't intend to have a lot of impact," said Amanda Lenhart, who directed the survey. "The motivation comes from within; it tends to be very personal. They're not out to change the world."About 60 percent of bloggers maintain their Web sites to keep in touch with friends and family, and half of them blog to network or meet new people, the survey said.

"Of all the bloggers out there, there are only about 10,000 that have an audience beyond their friends and families," said B.L. Ochman, a business blogger who tracks online trends. "It astounds me that people are willing to do this stuff without getting paid," Ochman said. "I come from a generation that gets paid for our work." Although advertisers are slowly shifting dollars into the blogosphere, the majority of bloggers say they maintain their blogs for themselves, not for their audience. About 33 percent of bloggers see blogging as a form of journalism, the survey showed. Typical bloggers are not ranting about politics or trying to be hard-core journalists, he said. "The survey shows that blogging is really a community-based activity and a way of connecting with people." Most bloggers maintain their sites as a hobby. "It's not just the hard-core geeks and news junkies doing it," he said. "It's a good thing for our culture as a whole to have such a wide variety of people writing."

So, the question is why do I blog. Just because...just kidding. Well, my first blog Something Just To Start was named by my therapist as I kept thinking about just starting one and he said, "Do Something Just To Start." So, I began with things I like art, jewelry, cooking and inspiration. Then, I started Clinically Clueless as a therapeutic way of expressing myself with anonymity. This ended up being a great tool for therapy as I was telling the truth of my life which was very difficult to me and helped me to open up and accept my life. GO! Smell the Coffee, I was asked to be a contributor on many which is great fun...I basically get to write what I want and I loved reading and commenting on the site.

I still enjoy blogging, view it as a hobby, making social contacts, as a therapeutic tool and just fun. However, I do pressure myself and feel badly when I miss a scheduled day, but I am letting go of that neurotisicm. More blogging to come....

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comments:

Congratulations on the 500th post. I started blogging in June 2007 and problably have about half the number of posts that you do.

I started out posting twice a week on Wednesdays and Sundays. Then the second year started to feel the pressure so for awhile went to once a week on Sundays.

Then I decided it was my blog so I am the only task master who requires that I keep to a schedule. I realized that the posts that I did just to stay on schedule weren't always the kind of post that I wanted to write. I still write one or two posts most weeks but ocassionally when life gets too hectic I may skip a week or only do one post.

Why do I blog? For my own personal growth. For the opportunity to meet other bloggers who are growing spiritually by traveling down their own path. For the priviledge of meeting others bloggers, like you, who are learning to thrive rather than just existing while working on issues of abuse. For the simple joy of writing. As a way to help other survivors. As a way to let other survivors know that they are not alone like I felt in the beginning of my journey back in the 1970's when there were very few resources, much less other survivors to talk to. To give other survivors hope that the world can be a safer place to be. To prevent future abuse of children by giving others awareness about sex abuse and incest.

Congrats on 500 posts. I have no idea how many posts I have--I'll have to go look that up. I really needed to read this right now--thanks! I blog as a therapy journal, but mostly to bring meaning to my abuse by advocating for child abuse prevention and abuse and assault survivors and also to raise awareness--silence the shame, stop the silence, break the cycle!