Tuesday, 4 March 2008

Ok I am just venting here. sorry. Had to get it out somehow since I don't really have anyone to talk to. I need some prayers.

I guess when you are really sick, EVERYTHING seems difficult, even the smallest tasks. I came home and slept only 4 hours, and now I went outside to get into the car, and the car and streets are covered with 6 inches of snow! I don't even have the strength to scrape off the car, because I have been flat on my back for 4 weeks with trigeminal neuralgia, which REALLY made me weak. Fast weather changes like this really cause people with chronic illness to get worse, and we have had dramatic changes every day for a week.

It feels as if some force is making this as difficult as it can possibly be, with my car being dead at 1 in the morning, and now the car covered with 6" of snow.

I called a cab and I guess there are a LOT of people whose cars won't even start this morning so it will be an hour for the cab, so I will miss talking with Mom's Dr. who wants to discharge her, because when he asks her what her name is, she can answer THAT questions. If he does discharge her, I will be taking her right back downstairs to E.R. and have her admitted under another Dr., because if she can't walk, (she thinks she's paralyzed but moves around in bed just fine) then she can't even get into our house. That's why Dad had to go to the nursing home, because we could not get him in and out of our house and didn't have one of those special lifts to lift him from bed to wheelchair to potty.

I just talked to my sister who is a psychologist and she said she has seen this go away in 3 days to a week after the patient has had enough rest, so I pray she is right. I feel so alone in all of this, my brother needs as much care emotionally as my mom does. I do feel God's comfort, but we all need other people's help, and I keep asking the Lord why we seem to have to do this all ourselves.

Our church's lady's group leader promised to go get our groceries on Saturday, but we never saw her or heard from her since. The church seems to think we have something contagious like leprosy or AIDS, or maybe they just don't know what to say or what to do for us.

My best friend that I've had in 11 years is moving today to a house on the other side of town, so I may never see her again. She has been a strength and comfort to me, and I have been one for her.

Oh Dear Lord, give me the strength to go dig out the car, and to keep up my strength through this ordeal, because even if I do get sick enough to need a hospital, I won't get it, because my Dr. is out of the country and no one in their clinic will take me on, and even in the E.R. last week, I was told that I could not be admitted because they couldn't find a Dr. who would take responsibility for me. So I would be stuck at home suffering, unable to even get up to get drinks, etc like the past 4 weeks when I ended up in the E.R. 3 times from dehydration and pain.

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