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Tuesday, May 22, 2012

12 Things: Being Honest With Yourself

7. I am honest with myself.

Being honest with yourself. I feel like this is often a never-ending road of discovery, but I don't think that's a bad thing. I am more honest with myself today than I was a year ago. And I hope that I am less honest with myself now than I will be next year. Every week, I'm able to peel off a little more of the shell I keep around myself, not just to protect me from others, but to protect me from me. Sometimes, it's the very thinnest of layers and someone on the outside would barely be able to see it. But, every miniscule layer gets me closer to the truth, closer to the real me.

Sometimes those layers reveal good things. For a long time, I couldn't see the strengths and talents and positive characteristics that lay dormant inside. So, peeling off layers has meant opening my eyes to the good qualities that exist in me, and learning to give them expression and wings, instead of hiding them.

Sometimes those layers reveal things that are not so good. I have been brought face-to-face with qualities that I don't like, things I'd like to change. I've had success with some of those, I've had a giant vat of not-success with others. But peeling back the layers, even when I've not liked what I've seen... it's been good. Hard sometimes, but good.

Sometimes those layers have revealed relationships that were unhealthy and needed either adjustments or abandonment. Sometimes those layers revealed relationships I'd been neglecting that sorely needed a giant shot of attention. Sometimes those layers revealed relationships that I could do nothing but get down on my knees and be grateful for.

Do I think I'm fully honest with myself right now? Probably not. But, slowly, I am getting there. Every step I take down the road of discovery brings me one step closer to where I eventually want to be.

I think you have to be careful not to be too critical, especially to others. Example: Someone compliments you on how you look and you say, "I look too fat in this dress," etc. I used to do this. Instead I now say thank you and shut up my inner voice that wants so hard to make a critical self-remark.