Category Archives: Church and God Jokes

Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God’s omnipotence did not extend to God’s kids. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said … Continue reading →

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. ” Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.” The man stopped and a big brick … Continue reading →

Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and … Continue reading →

A man came in to heaven and God wanted to go on a vacation so he asked the man to take over while he was away. God told the man to give everyone a test before letting them into heaven. … Continue reading →

One night, a father passed by his son’s room and heard his son praying: “God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa.” The father didn’t quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next … Continue reading →

I consider Wal-Mart to be God’s gift to shoppers. Literally, here are the similitudes I have noticed between the kingdom of Heaven and the Kingdom of Everyday Low Prices. Heaven: St. Peter greets you at the gates Wal-Mart: Some old … Continue reading →

Where do the characters go when I use my backspace or delete them on my PC? ANSWER: The characters go to different places, depending on whom you ask: The Buddhist explanation: If a character has lived rightly, and its karma … Continue reading →

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer — you’re in the wrong place.” So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty … Continue reading →

A couple went to church every week, but every week without fail the husband would fall asleep during the sermon. The wife, being embarrassed by her husband’s loud snoring, decided to bring a needle to the next service and poke … Continue reading →

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, “Lord, I have a problem!” “What’s the problem, Eve?” God asks her. “Lord,” she says, “I know you’ve created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all … Continue reading →

Adam was walking around the garden of Eden, moping. So God asked him, “What is wrong with you?” Adam said he didn’t have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that … Continue reading →

A blonde owned a small business that she was about to lose, so she went to the church and prayed: “God, if I don’t win the lotto, I will lose my business.” She didn’t win. So the next day she … Continue reading →

When Einstein died and arrived at the gates of heaven, St. Peter wouldn’t let him in until he proved his identity. Einstein scribbled out a couple of his equations, and was admitted into paradise. And when Picasso died, St. Peter … Continue reading →

A teacher, a thief and a lawyer all die in the same freak accident. So when they reach the pearly gates, St. Peter tells them that, unfortunately, heaven is overcrowded, so they each have to answer a question correctly for … Continue reading →

Satan greets him: “Welcome Mr. Gates, we’ve been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You’ve been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you’ve got me in a good mood, I’ll … Continue reading →

A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. Because both had jobs, they had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules. It was decided that the husband would fly … Continue reading →

One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful, tiny town got up early and went to the local church. Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, Satan … Continue reading →

Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and decided that they would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and … Continue reading →

One Sunday morning, a priest wakes up and decides to go golfing. He calls his boss and says that he feels very sick, and won’t be able to go to work. Way up in heaven, Saint Peter sees all this … Continue reading →