How to Prevent the Next Ketchup Crisis

The waste of this delicious, essential condiment is a problem the world needs to confront now

Our hearts go out to the Argentines today, for the McDonald's ketchup shortage gripping their nation. A Sriracha shortage was one thing; ketchup is very much another. We know exactly what it is to be without ketchup, to bite into a dry McDonald's French fry and know if your mind and mouth that there is no better balance to the salt than the sweet tomato taste. I am literally staring at the 22-packet pile sitting in the corner of my desk (for emergencies, when I forget to grab them from the cafeteria at work, which happens often), and I feel ashamed.

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This is something we take for granted, but according to Andrew F. Smith's 2011 book Pure Ketchup, America consumes about 10 billion ounces of ketchup every year. That number comes to about .248 gallons per person per year, or about 31.8 oz—so maybe two bottles' worth, depending on the size of the bottle. Now, each packet contains 3/16 ounces of ketchup. So 16 x 31.8 oz = the equivalent of 509 packets of ketchup per person, per year. And think about the fact that just a little bit of ketchup is always left in the packet, smeared on a napkin, dribbled onto your 7-year-old's shirt, etc. Now, granted, not all of the world's ketchup comes in packets. But Heinz proudly states in capital letters on its website's "Fun Facts" that it sells 11 billion per year.

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People, we have a problem here, and now I know that I am part of it. I eat a lot of ketchup, but there's no way in hell that I need 509 packets of it every year, and I'm a major ketchup-slathering machine who eats burgers and fries sometimes twice a week. It's absurd. There's no way it tastes good, either. We're definitely wasting a shit-ton of ketchup and, in the long run, depriving our South American friends from enjoying their damn French fries—and onion rings, and fish sticks, and McNuggets, and cheeseburgers, and pretty much anything else fried under God's mustard-y sun.

We need to stop greedily snapping up the extra packets we won't use. We need to cut down on waste. I need to stop feeling guilty every time I look at this pile on my desk. Now excuse me while I grab lunch.

UPDATE: Due to a reporting error, this post previously referred to "35.8 million tons of ketchup" consumed worldwide every year. That was incorrect, and the post and numbers have been updated accordingly.