Brumbas Soildigger, last original member actively playing for the Monsters, did so for the 100th time recently. He's not only coach Rabe's longest lasting player, he's also all-time oldest dwarven blocker in the Ranked division (at least since the re-writing of the top lists after the migration to CRP) - and an exceptional player for sure! He improved his skills rather slow, but steady: fourteen games for his first skill, another 29 for his second, sixteen to acquire skill number three and then 35 to go for a fourth.

Brumbas on his career so far: "Quality needs its time, I always state. An old dwarven saying by the way, often forgotten in the fast-paced world of Blood Bowl. *pauses* Well, I'm certainly not as agile or as fast as I have been when I started with the Monsters. I'm afraid my chances to become the first longbeard who completes ten passes on the pitch are rather slim now. *laughs* But I've seen a lot worse than what happened to me. For my part, I'll always keep the good spirit up! It's a game after all. Not that I would mind if we won from time to time! *laughs again* Go, Monsters, go!"

Fundur Friesenbichler resigned from active play after suffering a skull fracture during the Monsters' match against the (in-)famous tiny steel hammers. His brother warmly welcomed him in the teams' kitchen, even sharing his payment with his twin. However, rumors say that Fundur secretly applied to the Tiny Steel Hammers' waiting list...

Head coach Rabe has officially apologized for his recent personal attack on the Monsters' defensive coordinator Alion. After three perfect defenses and two blitzes in only two matches, it seemed almost inevitable.

Alion: "I seriously don't care much. But I think it's good for his ego that he did apologize in the end!"

After recently facing Oreneta africana and Pokemors in their 100th anniversary matches, head coach Rabe officially confirmed that the Monsters feel "honored" to be part of team jubilees like those and are almost always willing to accept requests for this kind of games.
He also informed the press, that his team is always ready to help halfling teams to "fill the grid" or help elves to progress within the ominous contest called "E.L.F.".

The Agility Monsters made it into a Scheduled SMACK and their first opponent is well known by (at least part) of the team: Twice it met "Behind the Smile", twice it ended 1-1. This time, a final decision will be made!

However, there is more about it: While the Monsters are not known for holding grudges, the second match hurt the team deeply when their exceptional star player Ramnah Steelnail got severely injured, with no chance to recover (same goes for her less known teammate Urgosch). Despite only blocker Brumbas, talent scout Groin and head coach Rabe being left of those who took part in that event, dwarves don't forgive easily. A remarkable, emotionally tense match is to be expected!

The Agility Monsters have again signed up for the Xenophobes Federated Leagues (XFL) to face their fellow dwarves on the pitch and teach them a lesson in elfball. Since they rarely face their own kind in open play, this will be another interesting experience for both, team and fans.

First opponent is last season's semi-finalist "Wedding cabbage for everyone", lead by coach vaclav. While the team seems weaker than the Monsters, their more conventional dwarven team built and some yet-unknown support that has to be expected, will surely not provide the Monsters an easy win!

The game will most likely take place tomorrow (Sunday) evening and start at about 21:30 bbtime.

One question comes up frequently among fans and other observers: Will the Monsters be out of the tournament in time and in good enough shape for the FUMBBL Cup? Last time they were knocked out of the tournament by Hammer House in the first round, suffering a severe casualty when the team's paragon Rahmnah got badly injured...

Brumbas Soildigger, team elder, has confirmed that the Monsters will perform a special mourning ritual dedicated to the recently deceased great dwarven runner Drumin of the Frenzied Flames. Suggested by the Monsters' experienced runner Rhoda, who annoucend herself as admirer of the legendary runner, head coach Rabe is rumored to be worried about the team being back into shape to play their XFL match tomorrow...

The Frenzied Flames released a statement of thanks to the Agility Monsters for their kind gesture in this time of trouble, and wished them good luck in the XFL. The Flames coach also stated that he hoped the Agility Monsters would be able to attend the Fumbbl Cup, and would welcome facing them for a good match there.

Due to urgent family matters that head coach Rabe had attend to, the XFL match against "Wedding cabbage for everyone" had to be canceled. Some claim the true reason was a real bad hangover from the previous "mourning ritual" affecting the head coach and the majority of his non-dwarven staff members as well as some of the more enthusiastic players.

Opposing coach vaclav agreed on re-scheduling the game for tonight, 21:30 bbtime. Hopefully the Monsters and their staff will be alright by then...

A late incident, raised the suspicion that the remains of several deceased Agility Monsters players have not been transferred to their final destinations properly, but instead gotten into the hands of necromancy.

Investigations were started promptly, but so far no results have been published. We'll keep you up to date on this almost unthinkable matter!

Brumbas seriously injured and disappointed after accident, Rabe promises help

In the Monsters' late SMACK match against the "Retired Cartoons", a whole bunch of players became target of a wizard's fireball, bought with the opposing necromantic team's unclean money. Veteran Brumbas, being one of them, saw the incoming danger and tried to evade. While he was particular successful at that (no major burnings were reported), he landed unlucky and fractured his skull, an injury that will probably never heal by natural means.

Being told so, Brumbas got unfamiliarly depressed: "Would I be as fast and agile as I was back in the days, this wouldn't have happened. I'm becoming a liability for the team." May it be he is thinking about retirement for the first time?

In the meantime, head coach Rabe held out the prospect of healing not only the latest, but all the old blocker's injuries. He was most likely referring to rumors that state a cartload of incredibly strong magical healing potions has appeared on the Blood Bowl drug market. Insiders say he has already been trying to lay hands on one of those items but is having troubles getting hold of one.

After the sad loss of Ziruin and Kargim during the Monsters' FUMBBL Cup match, they hired three new, promising players:

Nediam Nori is a slayer who's background is fairly unknown, but rumors say he's not too keen on dying soon. This might of course be a good reason to join a Blood Bowl team. The staff members in charge seem to be content with their choice - and the stats approve: In only his second match, Nediam was able to score his first touchdown early in the game, taking his team into the lead!

Mora Clawcutter is a stout dwarven woman from the far north with some experience in amateur Blood Bowl. Since she played as a blitzer back then, it'll be rather interesting to see her developing on the blocker position in her new, unconventional team. Head coach Rabe demented she had only been hired to increase the female quota.

Jongor Blackmace states to be a former mercenary with a refined knowledge in melee finesse. He also claims to have played as a mercenary in Blood Bowl, so far this could not be proved though. Some out there suspect him of being an impostor, but since the staff puts any Monsters candidate to the acid test, this is unlikely as well as mostly irrelevant.

Mora and Jongor have spent most of their time on the bench so far, watching and learning. With Brumbas and Auri missing theupcoming SMACK match, they'll most likely get a chance to proof themselves against their evil chaos dwarven brethren.

Project Pass Block's interception specialist Inter Vene has become the Monsters' first interception trainer. Head coach Rabe: "We hadn't had an interception for ages, which is unfortunate. When Mr. Vene applied for the job, it was like a portent. The next interception is only a game or two away now for sure!"

Right after he received the good news the treeman stated: "I feel happy like a sapling walking among an elder forest for the first time! Working with the Monsters and their great staff makes me feel at home - just like playing on my own team."

Well-informed sources state that Crossdressers coach Dhaktokh is secretly grateful that the Monsters have been knocked out of the FUMBBL Cup in their first match: On a rather drunk night, he promised coach Rabe his girls would be cheerleaders for the Monsters in the tournament in case their team leave first. Now that the Dressers neither showed up for the tournament nor for the first Monsters match, their dept would have to be settled immediately with the next one! The question is if coach and fans of the Monsters let Dhaktokh and his team get away with it...

Ugly scene after a late Monsters match: Journeyman Evander Vilefire frenzied and attacked talent scout Groin in his wheelchair when he was told the Monsters weren't hiring him. He called head coach Rabe an "arrogant elf thrall" who "couldn't see talent even when it bites his bottom".

The blocker had killed a high elf lineman and crippled another one during the match. While he saw this as a major achievement, coach Rabe disagreed: "We cannot hire someone like him. Neither does he fit into our team nor does it go with our reputation. [...] The game is brutal and casualties happen, but they don't make us proud and we're certainly not eager to enforce them."

After a sensational and rather surprising winning streak unmatched in the team's history, the Monsters yesterday clearly lost in a brutal quarrel against necromantic Necromanics. With the impressive series of wins come to an end, the new team record has been carved in stone.

Head coach Rabe: "We look at what we have achieved over the last games and those THREE wins in a row make us very proud and show how much potential the current team has! Onwards!"

Only a few weeks ago the Monsters entered the Ulthuan Invitational qualifiers in top shape. After their return from the elven island they've played a total of ten games in which they lost blitzer Gargin "The Judge" Earthwarden, thrower Auri Hearthwarden and blitzer Kryn "Kick-Ass" Swiftblade. They also suffered 13 serious injuries, four of them with severe consequences for Brumbas, Vundir and Zak.
Impulsive accusations and threats against apothecary Dragg Silverstaff have been firmly rejected by several team and staff members.

Brumbas: "Dude, I can't even tell how often Dragg has saved my life, but it has been three times over the last ten matches for sure! I'm grateful, I really am!"

Alion, Defensive Coordinator: "The whole situation is rather disturbing. They really got hurt like elves over the last weeks. Without Mr. Silverstaff though, Vundir, Brumbas and Ambo would be dead along with the others by now. He has averted the worst many times for sure."

After having suffered two heavy injuries within three games, the stalwart blocker Vundir Elfbasher retains his almost proverbial good mood. Only minutes after regaining his consciousness he already stated that the irreparable damage to his left foot and the top of his skull, diagnosed by apothecary Silverstaff, wouldn't render him useless.

Vundir, with a wink: "Yeah, I might be a bit slower, so what? My primary job is to keep things busy and not let them escape. And my opponents usually want to hit me, so it's not like I have to go after them anyway. And the head... well, on the pitch it's not the most important part of the body, you know? I still have it, so it's all good. That golem did not hit quite hard enough!"

Head coach Rabe shows himself more worried: "Dragg [the apothecary] will monitor Vundir's performance closely over the next weeks and Kurt [mobility trainer] will work on his basic mobility. The possibility of brain damage is to be taken seriously. I suffered some in my youth, so I know what I'm talking about! I don't want him ending up trying something stupid like training elves to kill or the like..."

Approximately one year after his retirement from his career as an active Blood Bowl player, Aegil "The Cursed One" Ironbones has published his first academic work, a slim book on an economic approach to estimate the strength of opposed teams or even single teams on their own. His - in his own words - "revolutionary" basic idea is to put a price tag on pretty much everything that might have an effect on a team's performance on the pitch, from individual players' attributes and skills up to a team's fan base.

Overall expert reactions so far seem to discredit his work as a result of lunacy rather than profound scientific derivations. Coaches and managers who got in touch with it are quoted as not being able to see practical use in it and suggesting to use it as a present to especially hateful domestic rivals.

The Blood Bowl Ethics Committee (BBEC) criticizes: "Blood Bowl is a vital sport where living, undead and animated players compete with each other, risking their lives for team and glory! We are not talking about 'pieces', consider today's legends 'bloat' or see team development as a matter of 'cost efficiency'."

Aegil doesn't seem surprised: "It's a visionary work. People need time to adjust their way of perception and thinking. One day they will understand."

After an incident with the disappearance of the supposedly remains of a deceased Agility Monsters player a few months ago and pointers to similar events in the past, the team management had commissioned closer investigations.
Rumors are now that some truth has been found: It seems like the bodies of at least several past Monsters have not been properly conveyed to their destinations but been sold to some ominous person, maybe a necromancer.

Nothing is proven yet though. Head coach Rabe has released an official statement: "If any of our past or future opponents has played such a team consisting of... well... 'past' Agility Monsters... and can thus vouch for the truth of those infamous machinations, we'll immediately take action most severely! This must not be - and I still hope, it is nothing but an attempt to cause a disturbance."

Right after a friendly match against late Ulthuan Invitational champion Fleetfoot's Revenge I, the Agility Monsters were struck with awe: Brumbas Soildigger, all-time oldest dwarven blocker, showed up without a single scratch or scar to a late-night training session. Asked for an explanation for what had happened, he just stated with a laughter: "Something very, very good. Although I miss my old scars and battlewounds a little. I'm glad I kept my wrinkles at least!"

Apothecary Dragg Silverstaff confirmed that the veteran longbeard had fully recovered from all the six lasting injuries he had suffered over the course of his 132 games with the Monsters. He wouldn't comment any further, but refused to claim any credits for himself.

Head coach Rabe commented reservedly, too: "All that matters is, that the last actively playing original Agility Monster is back on the team and more capable then ever."

There are rumors in circulation that some kind of strong magical remedy has been involved and that a lot of money has been spent for supervisory authorities to turn a blind eye to these proceedings (which would in fact explain the problems to afford a second new blitzer). Actually unthinkable, similar suspicions have been raised against other teams lately and now and then over the past years.
The Newsflash editorial team therefor sees it the same way as coach Rabe and congratulates Brumbas on his recovery!

The high elf team "Elves Learn Fighting", a dedicated participant in the E.L.F. league, has requested the Monsters for their 100th match. The management and head coach Rabe were happy to accept befriended coach Dalfort's offer. The game will probably be played right before the Grotty Little Tournament's kick-off.

From time to time requested for anniversary matches, the Agility Monsters management has decided to apply the team for such a match by themselves now: The remarkable undead team "Death Valley Daze" has announced its 1000th game, at the same time the last one played outside of the Xenophobes' Federated Leagues. Preparations to make it the Monsters' 150th game at the same time are underway.

If the Monsters should be awarded the contract, the game will probably be played during the upcoming weekend.