We're fighting about photography and it's bumming me out

So I was talking to my guy last night about our priorities and what we each really want to take away from the wedding. Aside from getting married and having my mom and grandmother present at the ceremony/wedding – I want a photographer. A professional photographer. I want to have an album of great shots of us on the day.

He works in the film industry, knows a lot about photography and thinks the entire cost/charge is bogus. He thinks it’s ridiculous what people pay for photographers and says his brother can just take the pictures. His brother is not a professional photographer and while he has taken some GREAT candids of his friend’s weddings in the past – it’s more of a hobby for him. Also – his brother is going to be standing up for him in the wedding….so who will take the shots of the ceremony? Not to mention that his brother is a really busy guy so he probably won’t have time to fix up all the images. not to mention I’m not comfy with the possibility of me having to pester him for photos if it takes him awhile – that’s why you hire a professional…so you don’t have to walk that fine line of bothering someone as if they did you a favor, ya know?

I found an amazing photographer in Michigan for 7 hours + album for $4000. Of course I’m willing to look at other photogs for cheaper but he doesn’t want ANY photographer….even for $1000. Nothing. My mother is willing to pay for the photog, I am willing to pay for the photog. He doesn’t have to chip in. But he just said it made him sick to his stomach and he didn’t want to talk about it anymore. I don’t want this to just be MY decision and I can understand he feels anxious about how much it could cost but I hate the thought of taking pictures on the day of the wedding and him being upset about how much it’s costing my mother and I.

4000 is a metric buttload of money to me. My photographer gave me over 2000 pictures + a free engagement shoot (We weren’t there when we got engaged so it turned into a free day after shoot) + album and we had teasers printed up at the reception and had to wait a whopping 3 days for all 3-4000 pictures show up, and she was like 1500 bucks. I’d never pay 4000 for a photographer unless they could sneeze gold.

If you want one that terribly, pay for it and have your mother say it was a gift.

@FoxyBride14: Yea – in fact…..she wants to cover the entire budget but he’s really uncomfortable with her paying for the venue let alone all the other vendors like photography, DJ, etc…

He’s so against my mom contributing that it makes me feel really guilty for even accepting her choice to pay. She keeps telling me that it means so much to her to do this for us, that I’m her only child, etc….. A part of me wants to let her but a part of me feels major guilt. I’m putting my foot down and paying for the cake, the DJ, 1/4 of the venue/catering and most of the flowers (believe me…I had to fight her on even those contributions.)

@mousepeach: it’s odd that he’s in a similar industry and thinks pro photography fees are bogus. I have pro protographer friends with packages starting at $2100, and I can assure you that their fees are low for what they do when the cost of equipment, training, time, prep, editing, insurance, etc are factored in. Pick a “better” photographer and you are then paying a premium for talent or style. The great majority of photographers don’t run highly lucrative businesses, but continue in the industry because they love what they do.

Do you want a wedding album or just some sort of visual keepsake? Would a videographer be a good compromise?

I would give your guy some time to cool down, and write out a list of why pro photography is important to you. Also get a few quotes from different photographers, and have their work to show your FI. Finally, I think you need to calmly tell him that this is important to you and you require him to respect you enough to have a mature conversation about it, with the rational weighing of pros and cons. Good luck!

@mousepeach: Book a photographer. It’s the only thing most people have after their wedding to remind them of the good times. Our photog will cost us $3K to $3.6K. She has a BFA in photography, years of experience, a great body of work, and she keeps educating herself to stay on top of equipment, trends and the like. They are professionals and deserve to be paid for their craft.

@mousepeach: $4000 is pretty reasonable for NYC. I’d just tell him you really want this, your mom is gifting it to you and That’s the end of you. You’ll regret not getting pictures. And he needs to just suck it up and accept the help. That’s what parents do. Is he not used to people helping him out?

And just to add to other posters, I’m from the same NYC/Long island area and it’s almos impossible to get a photographer here for 1000-2000. Especially one with good reviews and experience.

@Hyperventilate: I agree 4000 is a lot. I guess when we originally planned to have our wedding in NYC and most quoted us $7000 I felt $4000 was a great deal. Granted, I love this woman’s work – her portfolio is exactly what I’m looking for but I even told him last night that just because she starts at $4000 it doesn’t mean that’s what I’m willing to pay.

But as I said….he doesn’t want a photog period. Spending any money on a professional photographer is not worth it in his opinion. So I’m stuck even if I go the budget route.

I definitely would book a professional, but personally I wouldn’t spend 4k. That’s just me though. I have no doubt that their work is worth that much. But I do know you can get some really great work for less than that.

I’m just getting started with wedding photography and I think I take some pretty great shots. But because I’ve only shot about 8 weddings, I charge less. I’m sure there are photographers in a similar situation that would be a good compromise for you two.

Also to add – photography is so important to me that I’m majorly pulling back costs and doing major budget cuts to the follow

cake

no bridal party

cheaper wedding band

invitations

place cards

flowers

no rehersal dinner/party

Of course we will still have these things but they won’t be pull-out-all-the stops, super nice, luxury. They will be simple, budget-friendly – I never thought I would compromise cake and flowers but I want to because that’s how important good shots are to me. Which I explained to him but he still wouldn’t budge from his position. Le sigh. It’s not the end of the world but dangit! I really want a good photog that I’m comfortable with.

4000 in NYC is incredibly reasonable. Has he had some sort of bad experience with a particular photographer or is he feeling some sort of shame about your mom giving you money? It’s weird that he’s a film maker but thinks photography is ” bogus”? I’d look further in to the motivations and perhaps if you do decide to hire a pro make sure he is okay with it. Id hate to take on a client only to find out they are hostile and unwanting of my services.

@Jbbee: It’s in Michigan. When we were looking at venues/photogs in NYC they were closer to the $7000 mark and that wasn’t even for a full day of coverage.

I think the primary issue is that he is not comfortable with my mom paying for it and even more uncomfortable with me paying for it (which I can understand since we will be married soon!) and then I also think he feels photos aren’t that important overall and that he truly does not think it’s worth it.