Tuesday, January 25, 2011

The definition of Volonte' is listed below by Reverso.net. I chose this name because ultimately this is what I am. I am not defined by what title I have. I have been a lot of things by definition: son, friend, step father, coach, paratrooper, lover, husband, cancer survivor, and crew mate... the list has a very lengthy potential. But in the end I am these definitions for a period of time, not the total sum of my life. But what I am is that which remains from before my creation, until beyond my death... energy. The energy that I contain will continue on in some form through evolutionary time, potentially for all for eternity - therefor I am unlimited or infinite will power - Infinite Energy.

I was sitting in a coffee shop talking with someone and they asked "what are you". Thinking that this was just a typical coffee shop discussion of someone making conversation I replied, "I am a recruiter". The reply was simple and yet profound; "I did not ask what you do, I asked what you are...". This set me back a little in my seat and prompted me to look at the person I was having a discussion with and reevaluate where I thought this discussion was going.

Something happened in this 1-2 second process. My brain actually started to think about what I was asked. And then the coffee shop politeness became a profound discussion in that fraction of time. "What am I?" WHAT am i? what AM i? what am I? I asked repeatedly emphasizing each part questing for the hidden meaning, the elusive truth.

Spinning, my brain searched for an answer to this profound and potentially stumbling question. I then said "a cancer survivor", and the immediate sharp response was "not what title do you assign to yourself, WHAT are YOU? You had to be something before a cancer patient that defined you. Now I am thinking that this conversation is going to be short as this is just someone in a coffee shop looking to start something. I start to pack my computer and prepare to leave the table. "STOP!" my brain states. I ignore it as I am not going to show indecision. "STOP! my brain screams again, the little voice now has a bigger voice and grabs my full attention causing me to pause, then stop my departure preparations.

I stop to see what my brain or little voice or subconscious or whatever it was wants. "What are you" is repeated in my own head. What are you Eric Charsky, what are you?? I sit back down in my seat, prop my feet on the window sill, lean back take a sip my coffee getting lost in the robust flavor as it plays a familiar melody across my tongue. The pause worked. I am looking at the sun, I can see the trees blowing, imagine where the coffee beans came from, and then my thoughts became hyper-thoughts. "How did the coffee beans grow, where was the wind created, how did the tree grow..." Questions, all that I had was more questions as I sat and pondered "what am I". I am carbon, I am atoms, I am water, blood, bones... more questions what are they, how do they form? All of this is happening within the time it takes to ponder, and look out a wind pensively and not seem rude.

I look at the person who asked the question and made them smile with my one word answer. Energy.

I received a knowing smile, broad, beaming with gleaming eyes. The man that confronted me looked at me as he raised himself from the table "now, what do you plan to do with the knowledge of what you are?" he asked as he walked into the blinding sun and disappeared in the glare before he reached the distant sidewalk. I can not remember his features, when I think of the conversation I can tell you everything about the smells, view, who was in the store, the wind direction and strength... but I can not tell you anything more other than a smile that I knew, a universal smile of energy.

[+people]will

(=énergie, fermeté)willpowerIl a beaucoup de volonté.He's got a lot of willpower., He's strong-willed.

(=souhait, désir)wish

(=disposition)bonne volontégoodwill, willingness

(autre locution) à volontéunlimited

I Journaled the following on November 20, 1992 and waited to title the simple poem that moved me. Words from the past blend with a title today creating married emotions.

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I have been a lot of things by definition: friend, lover, cancer survivor, crew mate; the list has a lengthy potential. But in the end I am these definitions for a period of time, not the total sum of my life. But what I am is that which remains from before my creation, until beyond my death... energy. The energy that I contain will continue on in some form through evolutionary time, potentially for all for eternity - therefore I am unlimited or infinite will power; Infinite Energy. Eric Charsky