Thursday, July 8, 2010

As much as I loathe Twitter and think that it is absolutely ridiculous, it is times like this which I am grateful for its existence. And by "times like this" I mean "the day after Lindsay Lohan found out that she's going to be going to jail and has taken to Twitter to express her outrage".

Here's the scoop: Yesterday, Lindsay Lohan was reminded that she is just like everyone else when it comes to the legal system when she was sentenced to 90 days in jail for failing to comply with the terms of her probation that were set back in 2007. She cried. She freaked out. She whined. And that was before she knew she was going to jail! After she found out about all of the jailing that was going to take place, that's when the real drama started. That's also when she did what any other self-absorbed, semi-celebrity would do in just such a situation. That's right. She took to Twittering.

Mind you, this is like 6 tweets all strung together since you can only tweet 140 characters at a time. But it is what it is. And what it is, is absolutely hysterical. Here we go:

"It is clearly stated in Article 5 of the U.N. Universal Declaration of Human Rights that....No one shall be subjected to torture or to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment. this was taken from an article by Erik Luna..November 1 marked the 15th anniversary of the U.S. Sentencing Guidelines. But there were no celebrations, parades, or other festivities in honor of this punishment scheme created by Congress and the U.S. Sentencing Commission....Instead, the day passed like most others during the last 15 years:Scores of federal defendants sentenced under a constitutionally perverted system that saps moral judgment through its mechanical rules."

It's hard to know which part of that whole screed she sees as being relevant to her own situation. Perhaps she feels that she is being subjected to "torture or to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment". Perhaps she feels that the system has sapped its "moral judgment through its mechanical rules" and that's why she is going to jail. Someone should probably tell her that her issues are not part of the Federal court system and that there are NO sentencing guidelines in her situation. I mean, it's an interesting point of view and all of that, but it has absolutely nothing to do with the mess that she got herself into. Nope. Nothing.

But wait! There's more! Her latest tweet read simply: "http://tinyurl.com/29kxdyf -- please RT". If you're unfamiliar with Tweet-Speak, RT means re-tweet. That's Twitter's way of saying "Psst! Pass it on!" If you click on her link, it takes you to a Newsweek article about an Iranian woman who is a mother of two and who is likely to be stoned to death as her punishment for committing adultery. (Nice system you have over there, Iran. Nice system, indeed.) Wait. What?

Is she comparing her plight to that of the condemned Iranian woman? I...I...I think she is! Hey, does someone want to tell her that it's not the same?! A spoiled, over-partied actress who can't figure out how to complete 13 alcohol awareness classes in 3 years is NOT the same as an Iranian woman who is about to be stoned to death for adultery that she may or may not have committed! No wonder she can't figure out how the whole court system and probation apply to her. My God, is she delusional or what? Holy crap. Well, whatever it is, it's definitely entertaining. And I'm sure that there's only more to come. Stay tuned!