Homer: Hello, Police? Are you sitting down? Good! I wish to report a robbery. Chief Wiggum: (bored) A robbery, right. Thanks for the report. (hangs up) That's another one, Lou 723 Evergreen Terrace. (Looks at a map with the robbery locations marked on it) Well, there doesn't seem to be any pattern yet, but if I take this one and move it hereand I move these over here hello! It almost looks like an arrow! Lou: Hey, look, Chief: it's pointing right at this police station. Chief Wiggum: Let's get out of here!

Old Man Jasper: Oh!...my cataracts are gone. I can see again! All the beauty of na --
[Another laser hits him in the eyes] I'm blind. Oh well: easy come, easy go.

Flanders: Welcome, neighbors. Since the police can't seem to get off
their dufferoonies to do something about this burglarino, I
think it's time we started our own neighborhood watch...
eroony!
[Everyone cheers]
Now, who should lead the group? Man: You!Everyone: Yay! Flanders! Flanders! Flanders!Flanders: I don't really have very much experience, but I'll -- Moe: Someone else!Everyone: Yay! Someone else! Someone else! Someone else! Homer: _I'm_ someone else. Lenny: He's right! Homer: We don't need a thinker. We need a doer: someone who'll act
without considering the consequences.Everyone: Homer! Homer! Homer!

Barney: I'm with you, Homer!McAllister: I be with ya too, matey. Skinner: I'm with you, Homer. Moe: You're the man, Homer. Apu: You should do it. Otto: You're the man, man. Abe: I'll join! I'm filled with piss and vinegar. At first I
was just filled with vinegar. Homer: Hmm...sorry, Dad. You're too old. Abe: [stammers] Too old? Why, that just means I have experience.
Who chased the Irish out of Springfield village in aught
four? Me, that's who! Irish man: And a fine job you did, too. Homer: Aw, Dad. You've done a lot of great things, but you're a
very old man now, and old people are useless. [tickles Abe]
Aren't they? Aren't they? Huh? Yes they are! Yes they
are! Tee hee -- Abe: Stop it! That's a form of abuse.

Homer: Please please please, I want to make the team. Clemens, did I make the team?
Roger Clemens: You sure did! Homer: I did! Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo! In your face, Strawberry! Roger Clemens: Wait a minute, are you Ken Griffey, Jr.? Homer: No. Roger Clemens: Sorry. Didn’t mean to get your hopes up.

Mr. Burns: Smithers, it’s almost game time! Where the devil are my ringers?Smithers: Sir, Mike Scioscia may not live through the night. Steve Sax is looking at six consecutive life sentences. Ozzie Smith seems to have vanished off the face of the earth. Mr Burns: Well, what about Canseco? What about Clemens?Smithers: Sir, he’s in no condition to play.

Ho ho ho, suckin' down the cider, uh? Hey, word to the wise - season pass! It pays for itself after the sixteenth visit. You know, most people don't know the difference between apple cider and apple juice, but I do. Now here's a little trick to help you remember. If it's clear and yella', you've got juice there, fella! If it's tangy and brown, you're in cider town. Now, there's two exceptions and it gets kinda tricky here...

Fuck Everything Forever

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"We're back with legendary producer Robert Evans. Now, before you did 'The Godfather', there was 'Love Story'. Tell us about that."

"Ah, 'Love Story': the little picture that could. Was Paramount chomping at the bit to make it? Heh heh, you'd better believe they weren't. But once that tear-jerker hit John Q. Popcorn, it was boffo-boo-boo box office all the way..."

I don't go to be in the VIP area.. I don't need big breaks, a big song with a buildup and lights and smoke.. all you need is a kickdrum and a good bassline. You don't need any of that other shit. Na, I'm not going for none of those reasons.. I'm just going for the music.