Follow these tips to ensure your bridal party is as cheery as can be for your big day

It wasn't just Kristen Wiig's hilarious, over-the-top antics that made the film Bridesmaids such a hit—it was also women across the country identifying with the experiences we've all endured as bridesmaids: the planning, expenses, drama and, of course, those awful dresses. All of which is to say that being a bridesmaid can be trying at times, no matter how much you love your friend. If it's now your turn to walk down the aisle, you have the chance to do things a little differently. To ensure your bridal party is beaming as they precede you down the aisle, read on to discover eight things your ladies-in-waiting wish they could tell you.

While you may want your unemployed friend to be your maid of honor, or your seven-months-pregnant best friend to be by your side on the big day, sometimes life can get in the way, no matter how much they want to be there for you. "My friend's wedding date was two months after I expected to give birth," says Heather* from Chicago. "I did everything in my power to be at her wedding, but I just couldn't plan showers and a bachelorette party that late in my pregnancy. She understood, but I could tell she was hurt." To keep resentments from cropping up on either side, be open to your friend opting out of your bridal party. A good solution? Find alternative ways for her to participate and help you plan. Designate less stressful and/or expensive tasks for her to accomplish, have her do a special reading at the wedding, or ask all your bridesmaids to contribute to the bachelorette party plans. Photo: Thinkstock

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2. Remember: Anxiety doesn't just affect you.

While shows like TLC's Bridezillas make great television, that bad behavior isn't so entertaining in real life. Stress can wreak havoc on your attitude—and your bridal party's enthusiasm. For everyone's sake, take a deep breath and settle down. "Bridesmaids just wish [you] would relax. A lot of times they don't understand why you're freaking out about everything," says Kathy Piech-Lukas, owner of the Ohio wedding planning firm Your Dream Day. "So I try to tell the bride, 'Ultimately this wedding is about you and your fiancé starting a life together. Everything else is just a big party.' When I tell them to remember what this is about, why they're doing this, they'll take a step back." Photo: iStockphoto

3. Pick their dresses thoughtfully.

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Finding a dress that's flattering for your bridesmaids—with all of their various body types and personalities—is no easy feat. That said, your bridesmaids will be indebted to you if you take some basic concerns into consideration. In particular: sizing. "I was in a wedding last summer where one of the bridesmaids had to order extra material just so the dress would fit her," says Theresa Farrage, a freelance wedding writer based in Omaha, Nebraska. "The bride should have been conscious of this problem…she should have gone with a more flattering dress that came in a variety of sizes." Piech-Lukas says that to accommodate a range of silhouettes, more and more brides are "picking a color and sending the bridesmaids to the store to let them pick a style in that color." This can also help with the other hot-button issue: versatility. If you pick out something pricey, it helps if it's not only figure-flattering, but fit for other occasions as well. "Ann Taylor and J. Crew are making these really adorable cocktail-style dresses that are cute and people can wear again," says Piech-Lukas. "It's very refreshing to a bridesmaid when she can wear a dress again." Photo: iStockphoto

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4. Keep matching to a minimum.

Matching hair and accessories can be chic, but it also comes at a cost—yours. "As a bride, you shouldn't demand that your bridesmaids go tanning, get their nails professionally done, get highlights in their hair, have their makeup professionally airbrushed and wax their eyebrows unless you plan on paying for it," says Farrage. If your heart is set on coordinated hair and makeup, turn it into a fun event that the whole bridal party can do together. And if you're low on cash, give your bridesmaids the hair and makeup session as your gift, instead of the traditional matching jewelry. Photo: Stockbyte

5. Let them know some events can be sans gifts.

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Your big day is drawing near, and of course you want to celebrate it! But it's important to remember that the more parties held before the wedding, the harder it is financially for your friends, who are likely footing the bill for the fête—and giving you a gift for each. If there is a bridal shower, bachelorette party and/or a Jack and Jill party (for you and your groom-to-be) in the works, let your bridesmaids know that they shouldn't feel like they have to attend them all, and, more important, bring a gift to any or all of them. "Bachelorette parties only really became the norm over the last decade or so," says Peggy Post, great-granddaughter-in-law of Emily Post and etiquette columnist for the New York Times column The Well-Mannered Wedding. "There are too many parties, too much stuff. I always tell the bridesmaids, 'You don't have to go out and spend a lot of money for every shower you've been invited to. Give one shower gift or cut back on what you spend and do smaller ones.'" In fact, some bridesmaids feel they shouldn't have to buy a gift at all. "I flew to Jacksonville for four days for the wedding of one of my best friends, spent money on food and spent $200 on a dress," says Olivia from New York City. "I love weddings, and I love my best friend, but enough is enough!" Thankfully, Olivia adds, the bride insisted gifts weren't necessary. Photo: iStockphoto

6. Ask for help!

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There's no doubt about it: Weddings are a lot of work. Your bridesmaids understand that, and want to help—but you have to ask them for it. Keep the requests reasonable and the food flowing, and you'll be surprised at how much you can conquer as a team. "Tying ribbons around invites may be annoying, but hosting a happy hour to stuff table cards can actually be a nice time to see your friends in the busy weeks before the wedding," says Rachel from New York City. "Brides tend to overestimate how much time they'll have to get things done before the wedding." And that goes for the wedding day, as well. Delegate whenever possible. "Your bridesmaids don't want you to be stressed, so let them help you (especially in that down time while you're getting hair/makeup done)," Rachel adds. "The bride shouldn't have her BlackBerry in hand coordinating shuttle buses 10 minutes before the wedding." Photo: Shutterstock

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7. Help coordinate travel when it's a destination wedding.

If you'd like your bridesmaids to travel for your nuptials, it's tremendously helpful if you can carve out some time to help them find deals and plan the trip. "When my brother got married in Jamaica, I was single, so his wife arranged for me to share a room with her friend, and we both saved on the hotel," Annie from Chicago says. "And another friend set up a website for her wedding in Mexico, where we could organize transportation to and from the airport." Also keep in mind that your bridesmaids—or any guests for that matter—should feel free to stay at whatever hotel they can afford, not be confined to a specific hotel of your choosing. "Sometimes destination weddings are at an expensive hotel, but maybe there's a way to rent a condo or stay at a cheaper hotel down the street," Post says. "So have that conversation." Photo: iStockphoto

8. Be the ambassador between close friends and family.

While you may be able to organize every element of your wedding itself, there's plenty you cannot control: namely, how everyone gets along. Maybe the members of your bridal party don't know each other, or your mother insists on participating in the planning of your shower—whatever the case may be, it's up to you to facilitate a dynamic among everyone involved. If your bridesmaids are meeting for the first time, host an informal gathering before the wedding, recommends Post. It doesn't have to be fancy, just a casual get-together to introduce everyone and help them feel comfortable. Before the party, send out an email with a little background on everyone, or call each bridesmaid individually and offer details about where the other women live and work. Alternatively, if the communication gap is between your mother and the bridal party, it's best to take action—and quickly. "Ask [your mother] to make an effort to communicate with, and be less demanding of, the bridesmaids," Post says. Ask her to run everything through the maid of honor, and set limits about her level of involvement, as well as costs involved in planning the shower and/or bachelorette party. In turn, communicate the situation to your bridesmaids. Post says to reach out to your attendants, and say something to the effect of: "Please bear with me here. I know sometimes my mother can be difficult. I love her for who she is, and although I've spoken with her about being easier for you all to work with on wedding events, I don't expect much change. I hope you understand. Please try to enjoy all of it anyway!" Photo: Jupiterimages