LONG BEACH USED TO BE THE "AFFORDABLE" ALTERNATIVE TO OC AND LA, BUT AN INFORMATIONAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL BARRIER IS PREVENTING LB FROM ACKNOWLEDGING THE SEVERITY OF THE ENSUING HOUSING CRASH, AS LONG BEACH REAL ESTATE PRICES NOW SURPASS THE OC IN MANY CASES. I CHALLENGE THE CONVENTIONAL WISDOM OF COMMISSION-HEADS WHO CLAIM "NOW IS A GREAT TIME TO BUY," AND I WANT TO HELP BUYERS ENSURE THEIR LARGEST SINGLE INVESTMENT IS A SOUND ONE.

Monday, August 31, 2009

How Did that "1" Get in There?

**UPDATE: The always-observant KatyinLBC noted:

Hey el bee...did you notice this statement under the listing?

"The seller of this home has requested that home value estimates not be shown. Per MLS rules, Redfin and other public MLS-powered sites may not display any automated valuation for this home."

Great Blog, hopefully you'll save a few sellers from their own delusions.

Speaking of delusions, you've gotta check out this ridiculous listing from the bixby knolls area:

http://www.redfin.com/CA/Long-Beach/3962-Cedar-Ave-90807/home/7525777

Is that price a typo??

3962 Cedar, 90807 Price: $1,700,000Beds: 3Baths: 2Sq. Ft.: 2,233$/Sq. Ft.: $761Lot Size: 7,150 Sq. Ft.Year Built: 1953MLS#: P696067On Redfin: 41 daysDown Payment: $340,000Income Requirement: $486,000Monthly Nut: $10,200 (that's right--for this place)Description: Very nice home in a very nice area of Long Beach. Double pane windows with plantation shutters, new crown molding and baseboard, hardwood floors in all rooms, gas & wood fireplace with marble & wood mantle, ceiling fans, mirrored closet doors,security system, central heat & air, kitchen has 4 skylites and builtins, tile flooring, pantry and sliding drawers in cupboards, laundry room with laundry port from master BR and tile floor, 2 master bedrroms with double sinks, master bath has a jacuzzi with a view of the pool, waterfall fixtures and seperate shower with tile flooring, serving bar from the kitchen to a sunken den, with a view of a beatutiful patio and a sparkling pool, the pool has a shower, half bath and a changing room, fios ready, timed sprinkler system, fruit trees,maid and gardners side entrance, walking distance to the train and close to the Long Beach Airport.

"skylites"?

"builtins"?

"bedrroms"?

"seperate"?

"gardners"?

"beatutiful"?

Seriously, pal. This is an intervention. It's time to repeat the 4th grade.

The overwhelming number of typos is straight up pathetic. For a $1.7 million dollar house? You're demanding a six-fucking-figure commission for that?

Jesus.As if asking nearly $2 million clams wasn't insulting enough, Carl pointed this out this typo-riddled gem buried in the listing information:

Listing Price Excludes: washe, dryer, refrig, garage lighting, antena

Wow, $1.7 million AND I have to go out and buy all new appliances? And freaking garage lighting?!

You can keep your "antena" Bro Satriani, because for $1,700,000 buyers expect motherfuckin' HD all up in that bitch.Anyhow, even an appraiser with his coat pockets stuffed with wink-wink money would conclude this house isn't worth anything close to $1,700,000.

Even if you took the "1" off the front of that absurd asking price, it still wouldn't be a good deal. You see, if this joint was priced at $700,000, the resulting price per square foot price of $315 would still be ~$25 higher than the going ppsft. of recent sales.

How's that for some perspective?

Take a look at the nearby sold comps and tell me this seller is of sound mind:

Where on earth did this numbskull get the idea that his incredibly average, woefully outdated house was worth $1,700,000. Was he looking at comps from 2006?The current asking price per square of $761 [INSERT SPIT TAKE] is abysmally greedtarded, sure, but more than that it's depressing.

It's just really really sad.

This poor, lonely fool, with no friends or family to give him the truth and a realtor flaunting his lack of fiduciary duty by agreeing to this offensive asking price. Tsktsk.

Considering this place hasn't been updated in ages, how could they possibly justify TRIPLING their initial investment in just six years? It's obvious this seller didn't put a dime into fixing it up and as Carl pointed out, "...this house hadn't had any permitted work since 1997."I didn't realize crack cocaine was so popular in Bixby Knolls.

But maybe we're jumping to conclusions. Given the mangled, error-filled listing description, I'm hoping it's a simple typo and the price will be lowered to $700,000 very soon.

Because even though Long Beach is full of money-hungry delusionals, nobody could be this out of touch, could they?

I figured it out. If you let the pool evaporate, you get $1.15M in cocaine that you can sell. That has to be it.

Or maybe FiOS ready is a million dollar premium? I have FiOS and I love it!

btw, I think I found my new favorite line in this listing.. "Walking Distance to the Train and close to Long Beach Airport".

I can see how walking distance to the train would be a plus, if Long Beach was CHICAGO or NEW YORK. But it is the Metro Blue Line. Would you walk from Wardlow/Pacific to San Antonio?

"Close to Long Beach Airport" in this case is in the departure path of RWY30. So, you can see all of the blue underbellies of JetBlue's A320 and E190's as they make the turn heading south down the river.

If it was a typo you'd think it would have been corrected by now... I'd love to see the look on the face of the seller and buyer after the appraisal comes in... the bank official will pee his/her pants in laughter and send them on their merry way... this house has a better chance of turning into escargot than making it through escrow!

Hey el bee...did you notice this statement under the listing? "The seller of this home has requested that home value estimates not be shown. Per MLS rules, Redfin and other public MLS-powered sites may not display any automated valuation for this home."Hahahahahaha! Gee...I wonder why the seller doesn't want the value estimates to be shown!??!!

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