Inside the Pamphlet

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Guy Stuff

All right...Pink posted some good comments to Vegginerd's questions, but I'll give the official Blue version.

Why don't boys like buying new boxers and socks? I buy them when necessary, period. Body shape and daily activities dictates the boxer/brief/boxer-brief debate, and depending on how many us man things own, it might take use 2 weeks to get through all of them. That means, on a good laundry week, we wear them 26 times a year. As long as they don't have skid marks or have holds in them, their still functional.

On a personal note, I wear ALL dress socks inside out, the seams kill my toes. Which, is why I only wear solid colored dress socks.

Why won't boys throw out clothes that do not fit anymore? Pink is close on this one, there is a box of clothes that either don't fit or I refuse to wear, so they go to Goodwill. But, I do have a ration in the back corner on "dirty days." I refuse to pay someone 50 bucks to run water through my radiator and fill it back up when I can do it in 20 minutes and for less than 15 bucks, so I'll save some clothes to wear that I can get messy and toss when done. I've got clothes for yard work, vaccuming out the car (a lot of kneeling in the driveway to get the nooks and crannies of the floor board), doing more manly housework (running wires, cleaning the storage are of the basement, playing around in the unknown with the drop ceiling etc.) The clothes I do these tasks with don't fit well (think Chris Farley and "Fat guy in a little coat") and you'll catch my drift.

Why is clothing/shoe shopping so painful, yet they're willing to hold our purse and sit on the mall benches while we shop? Two words...Eye Candy. Look but don't touch. Invent lives for people as they walk by, or look at idiots walking by with "trophy" women. We want to avoid the "does this make me look fat" questions as well as not looking at the price tag, so it's not our fault when what was bought clashes with the shoes and you want to take it back...or you need chocolate to console yourself after spending bookoo bucks on something that I would have bought at payless.

Why don't boys like "stuff" as much as girls do? I think this has more to do with our interests than anything else. I'm all gung ho about pictures of my son around the house (almost to the point of..."Why don't we have pictures of anything else?"), but Pink hit it on the nail. Boys hate to dust, and if we're good little soldiers, we'll help tackle the housework 50/50, so less clutter is more free time. But, with that said, Pink and I proudly show our LOTR extended edition goodies, I've got an "action figure" of Neo, a Gus the gorrilla on display, and Pink has some vases of sea shells to remind her of California. I'm on a quest to clean some space in the entertainment center to hid some nick naks in so they'll be out of the way and have limited access to dust. (which, btw, is 95% dead skin!)

Why do boys hang onto boxes for video games and other gaming systems? Inadequacy issues. When we turn 40 or 50, we want a nice speedy car to go with our receeding hair line...when we're young, we'll flash our "assets" any way we can. You know you wanted to go over to your friends house when they had better toys than you do. It's a manly way to say "I have more fun than you do AND I can afford to do it." With the onslaught of World of Warcraft and D&D Online, this turns into hours played or number of characters at level 60.

Why don't boys like having their pictures taken? Same reason you won't let us take your picture unless your A) caught unawares...in which we wake up in the ER or B) your body is in pristine body shape. You might give yourself a hard time for caving in on that hamburger and tacos last night...who do you think orders twice as much AND eats what you don't finish? We quiet about it though, especially in public because we don't want to let the "weakness" pheremone leak out so other men might pick up on it and give us swirlies in the bathroom. If we're smart, we'll insidet on shoulder -up pictures, or in my case since Pink has me by two inches, I'll stand in front, or make a goofy face so the subject of the image is my idiocy rather than me having to deal with trying to figure out what the "heavy sigh" means when the images come back from the 1 hour photo or come off the digital camera.

That's Blue in a nutshell, I'm sure Pink might have a thing to say. :)