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I Quit

My meditation practice has been nothing more than sitting with a racing mind. I have little time to read Zen book or study Buddhism. I have a library of Buddhist books on my bookshelf that are half read. I sat down one evening, early this week, and felt frustrated. Zen is supposedly a simple way to live. But my mind wants nothing to do with it, it wants to race, think, analyze, study, learn all the time and does not want to let go of attachments. I finally told myself I am quitting. I no longer sit and do "zazen" I no longer "practice Buddhism" I am done, I quit. And so I sat, with nothing, no labels, no pressure, no striving to achieve perfection or anything at all, for that matter. And, there it was, the clear blue sky!!!! And now as I sit, doing nothing, no zazen, no shikantaza, nothing at all, the clear blue sky keeps returning to me.

And then I found this quote, and now I think, after practicing and studying Zen for a year, I finally understand what this is all about...

“Zen is not some kind of excitement, but concentration on our usual everyday routine”Shunryu Suzuki

Gassho,
Treena

Last edited by Joyo; 07-08-2013 at 02:41 AM.
Reason: just realized I am supposed to use my first name, sorry for the confusion

Yes, that is correct: You little selfish self-mind "wants nothing to do with it, it wants to race, think, analyze, study, learn all the time and does not want to let go of attachments." It does not want to put all that down, even for a moment.

This is more precious than all those unread Buddhist books on the shelf! There is "quitting", but then there is Big "Q" Quitting, which is really getting down the business!

thank you everyone, I'm glad this post inspired so many other people. It's amazing how that ego can creep in to our subconscious, now, as I sit, no more ego, just sitting with no "games"

And Shokai, I know, I tried posting one the other day but I think it had too many pixels. So how do I make it smaller? I also have a facebook picture that I could post, but I'm not sure how to do that since that picture is from my mom's facebook account (I'm from Saskatchewan, so no, there are no cameras here )

Kidd you not. After 7 years I quit about a month ago. It all became a hassle, a burden; I wans't finishing books, zazen alone felt a waste.
Still at sangha I was able to sit the 40 mx2; but at the end I knew it was over, no more Zen Buddhism for moi.
Then I got sick. A zit in my nose became...wel disgusting. Dr said take all thes anitbiotics or you WILL die soon. Some thing about nose being connected to the brain...I digres. Then not even sangha, took pleasure in having an excuse not to go. I remained in a detached mood for a week and a half, full of penecillin and some painkillers.
Somewhere in there I sat. Change my Enso timer to 20m from 30 and Just friggin sat.
I remember dropping monkeymind easier than ever before. I just sat!
Now it is becoming a real regular 5 am thingy.
Well, there it is. Dump the crap and breath.
In gassho,
Ed

Last edited by Ed; 07-09-2013 at 05:47 PM.

"Know that the practice of zazen is the complete path of buddha-dharma and nothing can be compared to it....it is not the practice of one or two buddhas but all the buddha ancestors practice this way."
Dogen zenji in Bendowa

Jundo, I went to the Dr reluctantly. When I saw his face it scared me to the bone. He did say I was there just in time. Now it seems the problem was part of the attitude and the result part of the practice. Even as I quit I was never sure what it was I was quiting, but things got simplified mucho fast.
In gassho to all in this active sangha,
Ed

"Know that the practice of zazen is the complete path of buddha-dharma and nothing can be compared to it....it is not the practice of one or two buddhas but all the buddha ancestors practice this way."
Dogen zenji in Bendowa

Great! And never matter when (not if!) the clouds return. The sky is still there

Oh, this is so so so vital!

For Shikantaza to really be "Right" (strange as it sounds) it must be "right just as it is" even on those many days when it feels all wrong! If it is only "Right" when feeling "right", it is not truly transcendent and encompassing of "right or wrong" on an off the cushion.

It is crazy-sane that way ... and very much unlike most of life which we constant worry about "measuring up" and "getting right". We "get it right" by sitting beyond "getting right", and we "get it wrong" when we try too hard to "measure up and get it just right"

For Shikantaza to really be "Right" (strange as it sounds) it must be "right just as it is" even on those many days when it feels all wrong! If it is only "Right" when feeling "right", it is not truly transcendent and encompassing of "right or wrong" on an off the cushion.

It is crazy-sane that way ... and very much unlike most of life which we constant worry about "measuring up" and "getting right". We "get it right" by sitting beyong "getting right", and we "get it wrong" when we try too hard to "measure up and get it just right"

Gassho, J

Jundo, thank you very much for this and all the other videos and posts you have here about zazen. I am still very much a beginner, but I can tell I've changed. I had a very challenging day today. Normally I would have felt completely overwhelmed and unable to handle my anxiety. Today, it was still difficult, definitely a rainy day, but with the help of your posts and with practicing zazen, I have been able to just let it be. Tonight, I can go to bed and be at peace, without the worry and anxiety that used to control me so much of the time. Rainy days are just rainy, sunny days are just sunny, right. And I sat, for 20 min tonight, and the racing mind was just no longer there like it used to be. Big, big thanks!!

5 am

Ed, 5am, wow that is fantastic!! And yeah, best meditation advice--just dump the crap and breath

Gassho,
Treena

I am up at 5 no matter what.
I, maybe read, streach, etc and sit.
But not on weekends .

Last edited by Ed; 07-12-2013 at 01:07 PM.

"Know that the practice of zazen is the complete path of buddha-dharma and nothing can be compared to it....it is not the practice of one or two buddhas but all the buddha ancestors practice this way."
Dogen zenji in Bendowa

Nomatter

Originally Posted by Emmy

My son was up at 5am this morning and I now feel like I have a hangover. I do get up early, usually around 6:30, but wow, 5 is early, applause to you!!

Sit whenever however. Dump the crap and sit, just sit.
It is best to do it at the same time daily or every other day. You decide.
At 70, I wake up early and then read this or that, or have tried to stay abreast of new books, etc. Always a goal, trying to become....?
The hell with that. No more. I just sit. 20 m is perfect for me now. Tonite I go to sangha and we sit 40, if that turns into another goal, the hell with it. I wil probaly get up slowly and do kinhin or just leave.
I'm free.
This way what is happening is that I am actually looking forward to stuff: sit, read, prepare some tea. The cats love it.
The practice is doing me.

"Know that the practice of zazen is the complete path of buddha-dharma and nothing can be compared to it....it is not the practice of one or two buddhas but all the buddha ancestors practice this way."
Dogen zenji in Bendowa

Sit whenever however. Dump the crap and sit, just sit.
It is best to do it at the same time daily or every other day. You decide.
At 70, I wake up early and then read this or that, or have tried to stay abreast of new books, etc. Always a goal, trying to become....?
The hell with that. No more. I just sit. 20 m is perfect for me now. Tonite I go to sangha and we sit 40, if that turns into another goal, the hell with it. I wil probaly get up slowly and do kinhin or just leave.
I'm free.
This way what is happening is that I am actually looking forward to stuff: sit, read, prepare some tea. The cats love it.
The practice is doing me.

Sit whenever however. Dump the crap and sit, just sit.
It is best to do it at the same time daily or every other day. You decide.
At 70, I wake up early and then read this or that, or have tried to stay abreast of new books, etc. Always a goal, trying to become....?
The hell with that. No more. I just sit. 20 m is perfect for me now. Tonite I go to sangha and we sit 40, if that turns into another goal, the hell with it. I wil probaly get up slowly and do kinhin or just leave.
I'm free.
This way what is happening is that I am actually looking forward to stuff: sit, read, prepare some tea. The cats love it.
The practice is doing me.

Thanks, Ed. That is awesome!! I think the biggest hurdle I have to overcome in regards to sitting is to not turn it into a dogmatic religious-type thing. I grew up that way, very, very religious. In breaking away from my childhood religion, the last thing I want to do is create another tradition, for myself, that has the same sort of attitude.

Sit whenever however. Dump the crap and sit, just sit.
It is best to do it at the same time daily or every other day. You decide.
At 70, I wake up early and then read this or that, or have tried to stay abreast of new books, etc. Always a goal, trying to become....?
The hell with that. No more. I just sit. 20 m is perfect for me now. Tonite I go to sangha and we sit 40, if that turns into another goal, the hell with it. I wil probaly get up slowly and do kinhin or just leave.
I'm free.
This way what is happening is that I am actually looking forward to stuff: sit, read, prepare some tea. The cats love it.
The practice is doing me.

Treena look, create yor own tradition.
Constancy in zazen, some studying you look forward to, settles your practice in intimacy. Allow it in, soon it is a part of you.
Even in the fog of daily turmoil my pracitce is me and I it, not two.
I go to mass often, my old tradition, because of my zazen I get so deeply into the liturgy it's ...well, personal, intimate. It owns me.
Trying to have no goals is a goal in itself.
You are free. Declare it to yourself.

In gassho to all.

"Know that the practice of zazen is the complete path of buddha-dharma and nothing can be compared to it....it is not the practice of one or two buddhas but all the buddha ancestors practice this way."
Dogen zenji in Bendowa