Jen Sorensen's Editorial Cartoons
Comics and cartoons
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Mr & Mrs. Perkins Go Gift Shopping 2017. Now that the mall has closed, I guess we'll try this shopping center. The Bunker Bunker. Survive in style! Lead throw pillows $49. The Bump Stockyard. Rapid-fire deals! Fashy Bug. Make it a white polo Christmas! Doesn't Auntie Perkins like Fashion Bug? Yes, but this looks different. Gorka-Texâ„¢ all-weather stomping gear. Made in Hungary. This stuff is very popular now, I gather. Um ... let's just look for a cute animal calendar. Flag capes. Kek ties. Mein Katpf. 2018 calendars. Der FÃ¼rer. Ãœberkatzen. The Will to Purr. On second thought, maybe I'll just bake her a fruitcake.

Quiz Time. Can you identify which of the following are considered First Amendment rights and which aren't? according to U.S. courts? A. Unlimited money given to political campaigns by corporations and shadowy interest groups. Krudd for Senate HQ. B. A corporation's religious beliefs as expressed through insurance benefits provided by a third party. Corp. charter. Contract with insure Co. InsureCo. Employee. Rx. CEO. C. Florida doctors informing patients of the risks of keeping firearms in a home with children. D. Undercover videos made by journalists revealing animal cruelty and other illegal behavior at factory farms. Answer: A & B are protected and C & D aren't, silly!

Pop Culture Periscope. Food shows have become more popular than ever. Chefs: You must make a four-course meal out of pretzel rods, a cactus pear, and a moisture-wicking sock. How can they stay fresh? Here are some ideas. From the Food Porn Channel … Hardcore mastication. Chomp! Smack! 60 minutes of hot chewing action! Tired of weird dishes? Bland Bites. Exploring the suburban eating experience. Will she go for the string cheese after the PBJ? Stay tuned! The Brutally Sustainable Kitchen. We respect animals by using every part. I think this love comes through on our menu. Today's specials. Smashed duck face. Distressed cow udder in boar skull.

Slowpoke. 2012: A Mad Lib Odyssey. (Presidential candidate) will commit a gaffe during a campaign stop at a deep-fried (dessert) eatery in (rust belt state). Someone who refuses whipped cream on fried fudge is clearly out of touch with the people! (Rabidly anti-gay political figure) will be caught in a (luxury automobile) with a male escort named (beloved tv action hero). I don't know how I wound up in that car, but I do know marriage equals one man and one woman! You will intimately get to know the life story of an Olympic athlete who was run over by a (large farm equipment) at age three, and overcame a harrowing addiction to (animal tranquilizer) to become a champion at (sport you haven't thought about since the last Olympics). Wheaties. Hammer throw champ. After a brutal election cycle dominated by wildly inaccurate attack ads from (shadowy superpac), (conventional wisdom spewer) will declare "the system worked." No problems here!

Slowpoke. Pop Culture Periscope. This week: Winter hat semiotics. Ladies! This season it's all about grandpa's old-school trapper hat! If you want to kick it up a notch, be the first in your 'hood to rock massive flappage! Baby's got flap! There's also the DIY, hand-knit approach. this hat says "screw the man!" Tip: For that extra homemade look. keep ball of yarn attached to hat. If you must be cutesy and wear a hat with animal ears, at least try to make it something unorthodox. Bear ears: bo-ring! Fennec Fox of the Sahara Desert: A conversation-starter. Some theorists believe the Mohawk ski hat, occasionally seen on snow-boarding youth, represents the definitive death of punk. London, 1977. Utah, 2011.

Slowpoke. Old McDonald's had a farm … McDonald's - the exact opposite of everything foodies stand for - has an ad campaign appealing to … FOODIES. "McDonald's Big Mac. HAND-CRAFTED for that one-of-a-kind taste. And made just for you." Shot of barn. 100% Big Mac. Soon: Hoping to cash in on the local food movement, McDonald's starts it own CSAs. McHippie. Your weekly delivery, ma'am! M. Executives tout the company's small farm ethos. All of our C.A.F.O.s* are just like the one your grandma used to have! How much longer do I have to sit here in this stinking swill pit? *Concentrated Animal Feeding Operation. Even Michael Pollan is impressed! D-doesn't get any more sustainable that McDonalds. Please help me. The Omnivore's Dilemma. Whap!

Slowpoke. Pop Culture Periscope Presents Catsplotation. Books pandering to cat lovers are EVERYWHERE! You've got cute pictures of cats saying imbecilic things … I Can Has Cheezburger? A lolcat colleckshun. … And the novel Dewey: The small-town library cat who (ugh!) touched the world ... ... And stuff on my cat, featuring photos of random objects on cat crania. Meanwhile, cartoonists struggle to get their life's work into bookstores! We at Slowpoke propose a new title: Stuff on my: "stuff on my cat" book. Or maybe this one: I can has big advance? Pictures of mad money on my cash cats.

Slowpoke. Pop Culture Periscope. This week: Metrosexual backlash! The scraggly hipster beard is the next frontier in cool for men tired of emo chic! "Ahab meets rehab." Paired with Arty classes, it’s not your father's machismo! Minutemen. The market quickly responds ... Cellphones made from animal parts provide gruff-yet-quirky contrast to sleek gadgets. "The Horner." The Hoofer." Indifference. Fragrance for men. Anticologne smells faintly of mildew. The movement grows, leading to "Hemingway Night" in bars throughout the land. The nacho is crisp. It is good. The beer head also rises. Papa. Of course, at some point the look approaches Ted Nugent territory.

Slowpoke. The Puppy Principle. People seem more outraged by NFL star Michael Vick's cruelty to dogs than by cruelty to other humans. Zzzz. Torture … Waterboarding … Beaten to death … … Drowned and electrocuted losing pit bulls … KILL THE BASTARD! Clearly canines are the key to unlocking Americans' compassion. Paul Kromkowski can barely afford to fee his dog Bowser on his minimum wage salary. Some weeks, Bowser survives on the big exoskeletons he finds in the windowsills. Crunch! Crunch! Crunch! THAT POOR DOG! Pay that man a living wage! It's been another grim day here in Darfur. Thirty-two puppies from the UN's "Dogs for the Decimated" program, donated to cheer up refugees, have been brutally slaughtered by militias. For God's sake, why aren't we doing anything to stop this?! The possibilities are limitless! New studies show that small amounts of marijuana can ease a dog's pain from arthritis and other ailments. Mopsy here is enjoying some space biscuits. Pot for Pups. I can't stand to see them suffer!

Slowpoke. Fact: the chairman of the Corporation for Public Broadcasting is pushing right-wing programming on PBS. Look for these new shows coming soon! Antique Ideology Roadshow. A woman's God-given role is in the home baking snickerdoodles! That's very, very old philosophy dating well before the dawn of western civilization! It's value to today's conservative pundits: priceless! 123 Sesame Subdivision. Set in Ernie's McMansion in a gated community. Possible lover Bert has been replaced by Tammy, The Trophy Wife Muppet. Hey kids! If you think one of your friends is gay ... ... Have them call out 1-800-hetero hotline! Master Race Theatre. Re-creates dramatic highlights of modern conservative politics and civil rights. Tonight: "I Fraudius," featuring a rousing performance from Lois Herringbone as she plays a Florida elections official purging blacks from the voter polls. Cosmos 2005 the NEW science! And on day six of the cosmic calendar, God created dinosaurs and man! Day 4. Day 5. Birds and sea creatures. Day 6. Land animals and man. Note: May occasionally be interrupted by the howling ghost of Carl Sagan. NOOOOO!!

Slowpoke. The Sleep Connoisseur. Ah, yes. In my lifetime, I've known many an exquisite spell of slumber. There was that moonlit night in Zanzibar in 1962 … That power nap in Brussels in 1987 … … Those chicken cordon bleu-induced lucid dreams in the south of France, 1991 ... Just as hunters collect animal heads from their safaris, MY trophies are these self-portraits taken in various beds around the globe. This one from Peking, 1978. A satisfying respite, punctuated by soft snores. Sure, I make great sleep look easy. But I've spent years perfecting it through diligent study of the KAMA SNOOZA. The ancient Hindu guide to hundreds of sleep positions. I've also been to many a slumber party. You can learn a lot from sleeping with other people. The KAMA SNOOZA. The Classic Eastern Sleep Texts. My hard work paid off last year, when I took first prize at the International Shuteye Awards for "Most Inspired Repose." My prize was this high-tech drool-absorbing pillow. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get some rest. Drool Master.