1 by alcohol 3 in riots at Old Firm games 3 in North Sea oil accidents 6 from cardiac problems associated with deep fried Mars bars 3 by Loch ness monster attacks 1 by drug overdose after being forced to watch Trainspotting, the world's most over-rated film. 2 out of bitterness about all things English 1 of insanity after one too many references to Andy Murray as a "British" tennis star.

"With a population of 1.75 million, Northern Ireland should really be a footballing minnow. Instead, they could be better described as the piranhas of the international game" (FIFA.com)

Don't forget Proclaimers Syndrome- a rare condition that makes us over pronounce the letter R, causing vibrations which in turn loosen the skull from the spinal chord.

Krankies disease which affects the balance and makes you fall off pantomime beanstalks.

CJD from all those Desperate Dan cow pies.

Lena Zavaroni disorder: Like Bulemia but comes with a BBC documentary.

Lockerbie Migraine: A headache so severe, it feels as though a Boeing 747 has landed on it.

Lulu: An acute pain in the arse.

Alex Ferguson Face: The result of making a Glasgow salad (chips) while drunk and setting the house on fire.

Add this to all the stabbings, heart attacks and not forgetting that we're still the AIDS capital of Europe. It makes you proud to be a Scot.

fatty.

No clue what half of that means! Is Scottland really the AIDS capital of Europe? I thought it would be Eastern Europe. Interesting. I went to Edinburgh once; after looking at the girls there, I'd assume you guys have the lowest birthrates too?