How do I know which of you are guilty? That's easy. You're everywhere. Living, breathing, taking up space. Blue collar, white collar, no collar. Spineless and witless, guilty as sin. You're every age, every race, every demographic. Every position in every job market at every pay grade.

I see you. I know you. You're absolutely dying to tell, aren't you Piggy?

Nod your head, Piggy. That's right. Nod your head.

Confess to me your addiction. What have you done in the name of...

Pride?

How much money do you spend on your looks and your lifestyle, only to have nothing meaningful to show for it? You bought that fancy car/truck/boat, etc. that you can't really afford to compensate for your tiny prick, didn't you? So the women would overlook your "shortcomings" because you've got a sweet ride or cool stuff? Those never quite make up for the fact that you are a flaming asshole and the ONLY way you can get attention from either women OR MEN is to pay for it.

Envy?

His wife is soooo hot, you've just got to fuck her. He gets EVERYTHING in life but I get scraps. I want her. I should have her. She's gonna love me and my dick more than she ever did him. Better yet, his cock is sooooo hot, I've just got to fuck him! Suck him! Submit to him! You're jealous of that massive cock you saw in the locker room. You'd do anything to have it!

Gluttony?

I see you spend the rent money on booze or chasing other women when your wife is pregnant or out earning money to support your lazy ass. I see you spend hours chasing porn, edging yourself when you should be out working, cleaning house or doing SOMETHING other than diddling yourself all day.

Lust?

I know what you do when you "step out" for a while. I know where your mouths, dicks and assholes have REALLY been. I know what you want to do. What you dream about doing but would never do in real life or maybe you've talked about doing it with a friend when you were drunk but it didn't mean anything. It got out of hand. I'll never do it again.

Wrath?

You made me do it. You make me crazy. They make me crazy. They're all out to get me. Paranoia feeds the frenzy. Complete blinding rage focused on nothing and everyone all at once. You can't shut it off, can you? The switch doesn't work anymore.

Greed?

You've been watching harder porn and going after nastier pussy that you'd never dream of fucking in a million years, aren't you? More cocks! More glory holes! More cum! Moremoremore!

Sloth?

Maybe you're so pathetic you don't even have a real woman at all? You've just got pretend pictures, porn and wet dreams because you're a fat, lazy slob who can't get a woman to talk to you in real life, much less touch that pathetic, shriveled breakfast sausage between your legs because you stink so bad.

I've heard it all. I've seen it all. What's YOUR story?

When you call, I will address you with "This is Judge Rosetta Bone, state your name and your confession." You will then speak your first name clearly & tell me your story in your own words. This is your opportunity to "plead your case". Tell me everything you can think of because details are important. I want plenty of evidence to use against you when passing judgement.

I will listen & take mental notes about your case, paying full attention to what you have to say. I may ask clarifying questions from time to time, but this is YOUR confessional, not mine.

Will you bore me or keep me riveted?

Instructions for atonement will be given based on your performance & storytelling abilities. While not completely necessary, those who want to enhance their experience and are truly devoted to pleading their case should have various implements of self-punishment ready and waiting. Things such as tree switches, belts, clamps, CBT devices (shoelaces/ dinner forks), hot candlewax, boxywaxing/depilatory supplies, analgesic sports rub, tweezers, pliers, nail clippers, sandpaper, etc. Basically anything that strikes my fancy that you can use on yourself during your "Hearing".

I will pass judgement on you once I have heard your story. I will tell you exactly what I think, what kind of person I think you are, what you deserve & what you should to to make amends. I will call you whatever names come to mind & what sort of "sentence" you should inflict on yourself for your crimes. You will listen until I am finished speaking or you can run like a little pussy from my courtroom.

Nobody in your circle of friends/lovers ever really tells you like it is, do they? They never give you quite the experience you were looking for, do they? Even when you practically beg them for it. "They" always sugar-coat things, don't they? "They" all tell you things to soothe your temper so "they" can stay on your good side.

As far as I'm concerned, the only good side you have is when your wallet's open & your mouth is running.

Otherwise, you are completely useless to me.

THIS IS A FINANCIAL DOMINATION/MISTRESS/CONFESSION/HARSH JUDGEMENT LINE.

I am not your friend, I am your JUDGE.

SEX ADDICTS, PERVERTS, DEVIANTS FROM THE SOCIAL NORM. THIEVES, LIARS...the DREGS OF SOCIETY. Losers...all of you!

All are welcome to appear before me the first time...however, I will block judiciously if you waste my time sending emails without proper tribute first.