We’ve reached week 14 of the NFL’s regular season, which is when the playoffs begin most fantasy football leagues. That means you’re either A) losing sleep scouting the waiver wire and/or praying Peyton Manning remains capable of standing upright or B) pissed at yourself for investing so much time and money into something so stupid. Again.

If you fall into the latter (Hi, my name’s Old James, and I also thought David Wilson was a good early round pick) then you’re probably worried about finishing last in your league. And you should be.

I don’t know whether it’s “The League” and their Sacko trophy that’s to blame for this, or just a generation focusing their creative energy on the absurd, but fantasy football punishments have come a long way since “loser has to be the commissioner next year”.

For instance:

@MatthewBerryTMR Just finished last in my league, and the rule is you have to take the SATs at a local high school.. I’m 27. Goddamit #FF

Host a pro-bowl party with your league members. Provide beer/liquor and delicious snacks for them. They can drink and eat whatever they want. You have to watch the ENTIRE game sober and eating healthy snacks.

And when I say the loser has to watch the ENTIRE game, I mean they have to watch every single minute of it. They can get up during commercial breaks to go to the bathroom or whatever, but if the broadcast is on (including halftime show), they must be watching it. The non-losers can do whatever–get up, move around, be on their phone, go play the loser’s Xbox on another TV, play laser tag, whatever–but the loser has to be watching the game if it’s on.

It is optional whether they make the loser take notes and write a full recap of the game for the league (unless the league is made up of sportswriters/bloggers, and then they have to write a full, legit recap of the game in AP style).

I love it as long as the rest of the league gets to write the heckling material. I wouldn’t be satisfied unless at least 25% of the jokes make parents nervous that they’re in the presence of a sexual predator.

This is similar to one of my leagues. 13 guys, 12 teams. 2 bottom teams each year have to co-manage a team together next year which SUCKS. The best part is top 6 make it into the playoffs and bottom 6 have a sort of reverse playoff to see who the 2 co-managers will be It gets more attention than the actual playoff.

That’s our punishment for last place in our baseball fantasy league this year. It’s going to be in New Orleans, where we’re doing our draft next year, and the loser also has to walk around Bourbon Street with a giant golden dildo on a staff. Let’s just say our league loser is not enthusiastic about the trip.

Loser has to buy (and wear) a jersey of a current NFL kicker or punter of winner’s choosing. Can be another player if league approves and hilarity ensues (e.g. FSU fan being forced to wear jersey of Tebow).

Your choice of propositioning someone who is your gender in Russia or getting on a soapbox and talking about the Armenian genocide in Turkry. Twofold punishment of making a political statement and, you know, probably getting arrested, best-case scenario.

Post cell phone number in the local classifieds along with a message which reads “I am tired of people badmouthing Hitler and Tim Tebow, both had a lot of good ideas that the world just wasn’t ready for.”

In my main league we used to make the last place finisher wear a jersey from his favorite team that really sucked. He or she couldn’t lie cause we all knew we rooted for. We had some good ones: Curtis Enis, Cade McKnown, Dave Brown, Neil O’donnell. Andy Katezenmoyer. I’ll try to find some of the pictures.

My Del Taco love goes back to Del Taco 1 at the bottom of the railroad bridge in Barstow, CA. I could have walked to the take out counter quicker than I could walk to my car from my apartment, I was so fucking close.

Did you Know??? There was a Del Fried Chicken too?

They had killer fried chicken and green gravy. I used to run my Christmas lights in June. It was very festive.

I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe… attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion… I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain… Time… to die.

Our league has a beer mile with Guinness as the main punishment (plus team name and avatar chosen by winner). A friend’s brother’s league’s punishment was the loser had to go to a mall on Saturday and pee their pants in the food court.

Every day for a month you must post an unhinged political rant that includes a conspiracy theory on your Facebook wall. You must also respond to everyone else’s replies, i.e. you must have the last word to anyone who posts on your status.