Wednesday, April 30, 2008

I was a little nervous about doing the walk with my three kids and no one else to help me, but it turned out to be a great day. I bumped into a couple of friends from my Moms Club, which is amazing because there must have been hundreds of people there. Then I bumped into my friend Marlieke, wife to a classmate of my husband's from the legendary 23rd company, class of '97 USNA. (Ya like that, Jamie?) So we had to finish the walk together and catch up.

The weather was good, overcast but just warm enough. I found parking easily enough, which was my main worry. Wrong move taking the jogging stroller, the fixed front wheel was hard to maneuver in a crowd, especially with an infant strapped to my chest as well. But the kids were great.

And here's the best part--I raised $470 for the March of Dimes!!! That's way more than I expected, and it's thanks to my wonderful, generous friends and family who were able to sponsor me. Thanks to Sarah, Darcy, Patrick, Alayna, Shan and Antoinette, Lori, Aunt Donna, Aunt Norma, Kelly, Heather, Mike and Lisa, and Jamie W. On behalf of the tiniest of babies, thanks for supporting me and helping to prevent prematurity, birth defects, and infant mortality.

I have a picture of us from the walk to share, but it is stuck in my camera until my husband returns from his trip with my camera's USB cable. I'll post it in a couple of weeks. There are some curious characters in the backgroud of our picture--I'm not quite sure why Darth Vader was there with some of his cronies, not to mention Tony the Tiger. But hey, it was a cool photo op. You'll just have to come back to see it!

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Of all the stuff marketed to moms, there are very few that I really need. I already listed my must-haves, and now here are the 5 that don't make the cut. Every mom will have her own opinion, of course, and if you are a first-time mom, it is hard to predict which ones you will truly find handy. But I am a third-timer, so these are the things I know I don't need.

1. Formula. I am so grateful that breastfeeding has always been fairly easy for me. I feel good knowing that my babies have only ever had the real thing, as nature intended. I know it's not that easy for everyone, but I, personally, have never had to spend a dime on nor have my babies needed a single drop of baby formula.

2. The Boppy. This one may have some readers gasping in disbelief, I know there are moms out there who love their nursing pillow. I have one, and I did use it some with my first baby. With my second, I started to feel like it was more a hassle than a help. Now with my third, I haven't even taken it out of the closet. Just don't have a need for it.

3. The Diaper Genie. I don't use many disposable diapers, but even when I've been on disposables for a couple of days, I would never want one of these in my house. Disposables stink SO much, they just go straight in my garbage can, which gets taken out in less than a day. I could never keep a stinky diaper contraption in my kids room. I do keep a small garbage can with a step lid for cloth diapers, but there is never really any poop in there, and the wet cloth diapers don't stink anywhere near as much as disposable. By day 3, when I am due to wash diapers, it smells pretty much like your kids bed the morning after they've peed in it. Doesn't take a genie to tell me when it's time to tote it to the laundry room.

4. Breastfeeding covers. When I am nursing in public, I prefer to attract as little attention as possible. I feel like draping a blanket or nursing cover over my shoulder, chest, and baby would look too obvious to those in-the-know, and for those who don't know, would invite curious stares until the lightbulb comes on and they look away, feeling embarrassed that they were staring for so long. I prefer to just hold my baby as though she is napping, with a blanket (often I just use my sling as a blanket) wrapped under her and pulled up high enough to block any view of the "action." Luckily, my babies facilitate this by not wiggling around too much. I also worry that nursing covers give the impression that breastfeeding is something to be so self-concious about that we should all hide under 'baby-burkas.'

5. A Breast Pump. I am a stay-at-home-mom. I am also a work-at-home-mom. On the occassions when I do leave home, baby is slung along, because my husband is often deployed. Sure, it would be nice to have a couple of bottles of milk stored for the very, very rare occassion that I might go out without the baby, but it just doesn't ever happen. At least not for more than an hour or so. So I have no need for a pump. In fact, I would go so far as to say that NO ONE needs a breast pump, unless they expect to be separated from their baby.

Now, some moms are told they 'have to' pump in the beginning, to get their milk supply up. I say that's a bunch of hooey. Your baby will bring it in, as long as you let her do all her sucking at the breast. Using artificial nipples and milk to replace the real thing will of course tell your breast that the milk is not needed. You will get engorged, and your breasts will respond by making less milk. Nurse your baby on demand, and believe me, your breasts will make the right amount, and get over that initial engorgement faster. Even if baby is sleepy, I would much rather wake a sleepy baby than hook up to a machine that will just interrupt the supply and demand cycle.

Moms use a lot of stuff. We get stuff at showers, we buy stuff, we get hand-me-down stuff, and still, there are people inventing new stuff for moms to use with their babies everyday. Some of it is useful, some of it is totally unnecessary, but there are always a few things that fall into the category of can't-get-by-without-it. It varies a little for each mom. I've had a few rounds doing this baby thing, so I am starting a series of lists. Today's is a list of the 5 things I find so useful I can't get by without them, or wouldn't want to try.

1. The baby swing. Mine is an old Graco swing that my husband bought used at a secondhand store, the very day we brought our first baby home from the hospital. It sits in our living room, and it is thanks to the swing that I am able to type this now. It also is a handy place I can put Katy that is up off the floor, where older children won't randomly fall on her.

2. My Hotsling. I just switched to my spring cotton sling, in the Sweet Pea print, and I love it. I keep Katy in it everyday on the playground after school while Jimmy and Mary play. I get to socialize with the other moms for an hour (sometimes two!) with Katy safely sleeping where I can pat her bottom, and still have hands free to drag a kid out of a tree, up from the mulch, off of the merry-go-round, or back to the car if the afternoon ends in meltdown. Some superheroes need capes. Supermoms need slings.

3. One-piece sleepers. I have a couple of two-piece outfits, but I fear they will never be worn, because the sleepers are so incredibly easy. Katy stays warm, there's no pulling on pants, or pulling things over her head, or socks falling off. They make it easy to slip Katy into and out of a sling, and diaper changes are literally a snap. I suppose when it warms up here, I will have to dress her more lightly, and I love cute little dresses. As long as they have bottoms that snap!

4. Aveeno Baby Soothing Relief Moisture Cream. Katy had eczema for a week or two, and her face still gets really dry and flaky. The doctor had given us a prescription for a really greasy petrolatum-based moisturizer, but I couldn't stand the greasiness. I tried a couple brands I had on hand before I bought the Aveeno, and now it is my new favorite thing. Katy's face stays velvety and never greasy. It's fragrance free, and feels great, it's the only thing I use on my hands and arms now.

5. Fuzzi Bunz diapers. While I do keep some disposables around for outings, or for when laundry gets backed up, I mostly use Fuzzi Bunz reusable diapers. Katy's skin gets so red after using a couple of disposables in a row, but when I put her in a Fuzzi Bunz, with it's fleece layer keeping her skin dry, her bottom stays peachy. I use an old-fashioned pre-fold to stuff it at night, and she's leak free for 8 hours!

Saturday, March 01, 2008

I have been so remiss in updating my blog, and I would blame it on giving birth, but that just makes it more outrageous that I couldn't even share that majorly newsworthy piece of info here.

In an effort to jump back in with both feet, and kickstart the habit of daily writing, I am commiting to a month of daily posts with NaBloPoMo. They even give us a theme--a list a day. Lists should be easy. Here's my first.

Ten things about my new baby girl:

1. Her name is Katherine Rose, and I like to call her Katy Rose. Maybe she will like to go by Kate when she is older--I like that name too.

2. She was born 6 days past due, and I finally managed to labor at home and arrive at the hospital at 9 cm dilated. Woo hooo! No drugs this time, I totally rocked! Even after two days of labor.

3. During day 1 of labor, I went shopping for a new coat and gloves, and then we bought a new car (a Saturn Outlook.) Ok, that's not really about Katy.

4. Katy was baby #4, and she weighed 8 lbs. 14oz.

5. She is the quietest baby we've had, she is so content most of the time, I feel guilty at how long she stays in her swing. I pick her up and try to tell her to make some noise, that the squeaky wheel gets the grease. My oldest two know how to demand what they want, I don't want Katy to miss out on what's hers.

6. Her brother and sister love her, they hug her and adore her. Jimmy says she is like an angel, and Mary . . . well. Mary has to learn to be more gentle and not so touchy-feely.

7. She has been smiling for a few weeks now, and her beams have gotten bigger each day. So joyful!

8. She has blond lashes and eyebrows like me, she will probably get hooked on mascara someday too. Sigh.

9. Katy Rose makes me work even harder at having enough energy and patience to be the mom I want to be to all my children.

A neural tube defect, like anencephaly or spina bifida, occurs when the neural tube does not properly close, or "zip up" all the way to the top of what will be the skull and spinal column. This happens by day 28 of a pregnancy, so taking folic acid only after you find out you're pregnant is really too late.

I strongly believe this is something all women need to know about, so let me share what I know.

The recommended daily allowance (RDA) of folic acid for the average woman is only 400 mcg. That's what's in a standard multivitamin. But for pregnant women and those trying-to-conceive, the RDA is 1000mcg (which equals 1 mg). Since an egg begins developing for release 3 months prior to ovulation, that means women need to start taking daily folic acid 3 months before conception.

For those (like me) who've had a baby with a NTD, the RDA is 5 mg. Conception has a stubborn habit of refusing to follow to our schedules, which is why most married women may want to take folic acid daily for the rest of their childbearing years. That's my plan. For those related (by blood or marriage) to a baby with an NTD, the RDA is 2 mg. That goes for relatives of the mother, relatives of the father, and even spouses of relatives. It is clear that there's a genetic factor, and that may include the father's genes as well as the mother's. So all siblings of the mother and father, whether male or female, have a higher risk factor for NTDs.

You can buy folic acid tablets at any grocery or discount store, but usually in just 400 mcg tablets. You can usually find 800 mcg tablets at health food stores. You can also ask your doctor for a prescription for 1 mg tablets, which is how I get mine. And you can get more information about folic acid and the prevention of birth defects from the National Council on Folic Acid.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Well, I did it--I went a whole year without giving birth! Looks like 2007 will be birth-free, too, since my dear husband has left for Iraq, not to return until April, which leaves less than 9 months in the year.

Saying goodbye to Jamie was sad, but at least I am seasoned enough to know to drop-n-dash. No long goodbyes. Sobbed on my way to the Commissary, though. But life goes on, you still need gas and milk. Walking past the soda aisle made me think of how he'd asked for tonic water just a few days earlier. So I sobbed a bit in front of the tonic water. But I was ok by the time I got home.

Now I am visiting my parents and sisters in Georgia, and getting ready to abandon my children. I planned a get-away with a couple of navy spouse friends, and we are meeting up in Pensacola for the weekend. I know it will be fun, I am looking forward to it. But now that it's the night before, I am getting anxious about leaving my kids. Especially my 16 month old, who still nurses every morning, naptime, and bedtime.

My poor baby will need me! My mommy instincts are shouting at me not to leave my baby, and my heart is already breaking a bit. But the plans are made. My friends are expecting me. And she just might be ok. Without me. Gulp.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

I loved our doctors at the Navy hospital in California. I trusted them, we communicated well, and they were such a comfort to us when we lost our baby girl. I had their personal office and voicemail numbers, and their secretaries’ direct phone numbers to call and make appointments. And that, my military friends, is the secret to good and timely medical care in the great system that is Tricare. (And by “great,” I just mean “large.”) If you don’t develop a personal relationship with a doctor, you will be stuck in the cattle call that is the “general appointments” line, just waiting in the corral like a sow branded with her sponsor’s last 4.

So when we moved here to Virginia, I procrastinated finding new doctors, brooding over the loss of our old doctors like a sad break-up. I heard from other moms that I would have to select civilian providers, because the MTFs (military treatment facilities) had no availability. I haven’t been to a civilian doctor since I was married, and the idea of co-pays and billing and commercial pharmacies was a little daunting to me. But a neighbor recommended a pediatrician nearby, who happened to be on the Tricare provider directory.

So I finally took a whole day to go to the ONE Tricare Service Center listed for the entire Hampton Roads mega-military region, to talk to the ONE lady at the front counter who would actually speak to customers. Publicly, of course, while everyone in line behind you couldn’t help but listen, hoping you’ll hurry up and finish. (There was an entire hallway of offices behind her for staff who apparently do NOT deal directly with real people. One lady walked from office to office informing everyone that they were out of Tricare customer handbooks and there were none available to order any time soon. I clutched my handbook a little tighter.)

Counter Lady told me that it’s true, there were no MTFs available, and that the primary care managers I selected were indeed available. Stamped my forms, entered stuff in the computer, said my new cards would arrive soon and to go ahead and make my appointments. Oh, and I could’ve sent forms in through the mail. Gee, thanks. I am sure your mail gets even timelier attention than live people in the waiting room. I immediately made the appointments, as my one-year-old is overdue for her 6 month vaccinations, and both need their school health forms filled out.

Today, one month later, I show up at the first appointment only to be told that Tricare has some other doctor listed as my kids’ PCM. A name I’d never heard of. So we couldn’t be seen. FURY welled up inside me--and trust me, I don’t get all the way to FURY very often. Unfortunately, my physical reaction to fury is that my throat tightens and tears spill over. Stupid XX chromosomes. There was no one to yell at anyway--it wasn’t the receptionist’s fault that Tricare is so capricious.

So I drove home and called Tricare, and was really bi***y to the guy who fielded my call after the 7 levels of hell known as “automated assistance.” He was very patient, to his credit. He explained to me that I lived in the vicinity of a Tricare Prime Outpatient Clinic, or something like that, which is a MTF, and so my children and I had all been assigned there. How that was left out of the discussion with Counter Lady, I don’t know. But we have no choice. Ah, perhaps the Counter Lady merely sought to please and appease me with the ILLUSION of choice. Anyway, next I had to call the “general appointments” line for the Tricare clinic, and it was hard to resist mooing at the impersonal and curt appointment lady who took my call. She sounded like she graduated from the Fast-Food-Drive-Through College of Customer Service.

So now we have new appointments--a month from now, naturally. And you can imagine how high my expectations are for a whole clinic managed by Tricare.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

I have not yet in this blog addressed my opinions on abortion, though I think I've said enough to make it clear that I am pro-life. I have, in my life, become very personal about the topic, particularly late-term abortions, eugenic abortions--abortions performed because something is wrong with the baby.

Anyone who knows me knows that my second baby, Hope, was diagnosed with a fatal neural tube defect called anencephaly, that I carried her to full term, and had three bittersweet, intensly loving days to hold her for her lifetime. Everyday, another mom faces the same diagnosis, and last year I came across a news story about another such mom. Another Navy wife, actually, who went to court to force the Navy to pay for her abortion. I followed that case, which the superior court overturned, forcing the woman to reimburse Tricare the $3000 they had paid to Planned Parenthood to end her pregnancy. I am so sad for that poor woman, I can only sympathize with her heartbreak, whatever her choice was. But I was so very relieved that the superior court abided by federal law and did not allow the Navy to pay for it.

Why? Here is a very old post-- "Why Oh Why Are We Ruled By These Idiots" from Brad DeLong's Semi-Daily Journal (a blog that deals mostly with economics and other topics that make my eyes glaze over) that clearly questions why the government would do this. It's a good question, because anyone with a heart must surely feel bad for this poor woman, and to demand $3000 of her hard-earned money, on top of what she's been through, seems cruel. (Well, everything about losing a baby is cruel.) I understand where his indignation is coming from, but I had to comment, because unfortunately, I know a thing or two about it.

I realize this post is over a year old, but I could not pass by without comment.

"I can't think of a reasonable basis for opposing an early and merciful end to this particular pregnancy."

I carried my second child, who was diagnosed with anencephaly, for the full term. She was born alive and wiggling, and I held her sweet body in my arms for three days, until she quietly passed away, having been loved by her mom every millisecond of her life in this world. There is nothing unreasonable about expecting a mom to love her baby, ANY baby, however heartbreaking that is. The constitution does not guarantee us freedom from heartbreak. Babies are born imperfect every day, and they still deserve every bit as much love, and protection under the law, as perfectly healthy babies.

"And in fact I very much doubt that more than a tiny proportion of "right-to-life" voters or leaders would want themselves or women they cared about to bring such a monster to term."

Shame on you for calling any tiny helpless being a monster. As for the people who carry these babies, and the people who care about us . . . you don't know what or who you are talking about. Women who choose not to carry such babies to term still go through the SAME medical trauma, just earlier, and they deny themselves the opportunity to love fully, and to grieve fully . . . and to move on, fully at peace.

I for one am glad that the NAVY hospital that diagnosed my baby did not offer "termination." Every single person there treated my baby as a baby, and treated her with as much value as any baby. I have met many, many moms, who went to civilian hosptials, who were encouraged to terminate, indeed wheeled to l&d within hours of diagnosis, when you are still in shock and denial. That is what a culture that tolerates abortion becomes. Abortion cheapens life, devalues it. Imperfect life becomes expendable. Replacable.

It is one thing for a woman to choose a safe and legal procedure, fully accepting the trauma and risks. But it is a much darker, colder thing to demand that we, the people, should subsidize it.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Looks like the only thing to move me to jump back on the blogosphere is more buzz about breasts and lactivism. I must applaud Baby Talk magazine for this month's cover, a photo of a sweet little nursing baby that includes a side profile of his mother's breast. Apparently they've gotten more mail (700 letters) about it than any other issue. In a CNN.com article, they say 25% of mom-readers polled actually reacted negatively to the photo! That's what shocks me! A quarter of their reader-mothers objected to seeing that beautiful baby and a peek of breast.

What is wrong with you women?! I'll skip past all the previous lectures about how nursing is natural, that breastfeeding is beautiful, and women should not feel ashamed or embarassed about their bodies or about giving their baby what they need most. Because that should all go without saying. The issue at hand is sex.

Yes, my friends, it all comes back to sex. Sure, the baby wouldn't be there if it weren't for sex. And it must be obvious that every mom responding to the article is no stranger to sex. (Ok, unless there's a celibate saint among the readers who managed to adopt a baby while remaining a nun.)

And we know that American men see breasts as sexual objects, though one could argue over how much is instinct and how much is due to the media-onslaught of half naked women shoving their breasts into cameras to sell everything from beer to sports stats to potato chips. What burns me up is that women have been indoctrinated into accepting the notion that their breasts are primarily sexual objects.

One mom claimed that she didn't want her 13 year-old son to see the cover:

"I shredded it," said Gayle Ash, of Belton, Texas, in a telephone interview. "A breast is a breast -- it's a sexual thing. He didn't need to see that."

I have a son, he's only three, but god-willing he will one day be 13. And while I know that for awhile he will be obsessed with the sexual appeal of breasts, I certainly hope that he has enough examples of non-sexual reverance for the female body that he comes through the teenage years able to appreciate female beauty in people and places and activities that don't involve bikinis, push-up bras, and air brushing. I hope that he doesn't suffer under the delusion that all breasts look like the glitter-covered digitally-enhanced bosoms plastered all over the mens magazines, sports magazines, and yes, of course, women's magazines. I hope to God that he grows to be a man who encourages his wife to breastfeed his children, who is at ease with the REAL female body, and who appreciates that female beauty is not the same as sex appeal.

You could do your best to hide all nudity from your son, but rest assured no American teenager can go long without getting a glimpse of naked breast. Where will he see them? What context? What will it teach him about the purpose of our breasts? What will it teach him about the role of women? How will it shape his attitude toward women?

Yes, I agree a breast is a powerful image. If only it could represent all the beauty our female form offers. My breasts are not objects, they are just one, ok, two parts of my body, and they actually play a much, ahem, bigger role now that I am a mom. My bosom is where I comfort my child when he cries. It is where they lay their heads when I rock them when they are sick, or tired, or scared. It is where my babies were lain in the first seconds of their lives, when we looked into each others eyes for the first time.

Obviously, breasts are indeed "a sexual thing," as that mom said. Does she really believe that is all they are? The beauty of that photo illustrates that breasts are a "mother thing." If you hide such expressions, censor the photos, send nursing moms to the restroom or back to the parking lot (or often to the grocery store to buy lipid-enhanced non-sexual soy formula), than that leaves the Cosmo and Sports Illustrated to teach our sons and daughters that beauty=breasts=sex.

So those of you who still squirm to think of a mom nursing a baby in public, get over it! Quit looking, then! Accept the fact that the boob is NOT there to decorate, titillate, impress, excite, scandalize, attract, taunt, seduce, intimidate, or even sell you a sports car. Accept the fact that it's NOT about you. It's all about the baby. And that's what's so beautiful.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

I must revisit the nursing-in-public topic today, as I just found a link (over at Open Book) to an interview with a woman who says she is the mother who nursed her baby on the plane, making Barbara Walters so uncomfortable.

Apparently a blogger came across mention of her on a mother's listserve, and interviewed her by email. She seems like a fascinating lady. She is from South Africa, and was sitting with her husband and baby on the last leg of an 18 hour trip.