Instead of uplifting, you push Beauty down into a state where it questions its name.

You pretend to care…but your actions prove otherwise.

Monsters don’t just come out at night anymore. They have crawled out from under the beds and walk among us. They have walked out of nightmares and trampled into reality. They fly through the night sky, blocking out the moonlight.

They suck the souls from the innocent. They feed on happiness. They thrive on causing pain. They are greedy for more.

Power.

They need power.

Control.

They must have control.

Any attempt to break their control is met with anger. Harsh words that cut deeper than any blade. Beauty is forced into an appeasing state, losing itself.

Monsters do not care about the consequences of their actions. All they care about is their benefit and their gains. They must win in the end.

They say all the right things to lure the innocent and the naive. They cover true intentions with cleverly thought up acts. The trap is set. Before it’s too late to notice, there is no escape. No way out. Suffocation starts to set in. Drowning. Overwhelmed.

As much distance as can be made, Monsters maintain their hold. Even Time has a hard time healing the wounds that they create. Memories replay and cripple any further escape. Futures are potentially ruined because of the past. Beauty is…compromised.

I cannot stand back and allow the monsters in the world to have their way and destroy the beauty that exists. Peace is what I aim to bring. I must stand between the monsters and the ones they aim to hurt.

No matter what it takes.

I will free those held captive.
Free those oppressed.
Free those who do not know how to free themselves.

How do you forgive someone for something that they may not even know that they did?

Patience takes you a long way.

The months of finding yourself and learning about yourself come into play here.

“No lashing out.
Listen first. Talk second.
Make sure you understand as best as you can.
Do not interrupt.
Talk without accusing.
Keep your voice down.”

It’s so easy to be angry. So easy to give in to the emotions that are running through you. You want to lash out. You want to shout.

For the first time in a long time, you fight it. You control it.

The feelings still remain. Still tempting. Clawing away at your resolve. You are at the edge of sanity, looking over. Jumping is easy. All it would take is a step.

No. A different person from the one in the past stands here.

You are stronger. You are better.

Walk away from the edge and face life. Grab the horns and take control. Push back at the things that want you to go over. Prove to yourself and the world that you are a bigger person.

At the end of the day, uncertainty will still exist about the right course of thought. Trust and understanding keep me grounded. In time everything will be fine. I know this. I may never forget, but for the sake of the future, I will forgive.

Their love was real
It was raw and pure
Above all, it was true
The both gave unconditionally
Without expecting any returnSelfless…

They knew what they found in each other
Was nothing less than their other half
Their search was finally over
Love allowed them to be something special
It gave them the freedom to be themselves

Falling in love with either was dangerous
Unfortunately, it was also very easy
Their kind of love left others craving more
Not being able to understand what’s going on
One person affecting you life in such a positive way
Making you want to see if it can happen againTomorrow…

Loving him is…

His love was dangerous, this he knew
It was like being trapped in a work of art
Like being bound to the pages of an endless romance novel
Like being trapped in a romantic comedy where the credits never came
His love seemed to escape the hands of time

If his love was art
He was the brush and she was the pallet
She was complicated and full of different emotions
He took the time to get to understand each closely
To see how each of them related to the other
How they mixed and matched
Life was their easel
Each day would start blank and fresh
Each day they’d paint a different picture of their storySwish…

His love makes you question
If this is reality or fantasy
Someone had to have written this out
Each day like a page to get through
Always pleasant and wonderfully written
Each day love grew deeper
Thickening like the plot
Stuck in the climax of the love story
As the pages turn

His love takes you to a world of wonderIs this a dream?
A romance plays on the big screen
He loves her and she loves him
They have finally found one another
Each sentence out of his mouth is smooth
Too smooth
Every gesture brings tears to her eyes
She’s found her Mr. Right
She’ll never lose him
This movie has no conflict
The reel spins on for eternity
And the love he gives never fades

The way she makes you feel…

Loving her was dangerous, this she knew
It was like the soothing crash of waves that never stopped
Like the sun and moon, never stopping from rising and falling
Like a drug that kept you coming back for moreAddcitive…

If her love was like the crashing of waves
Then he was the shore that caught her every time she fell
Always there for her, always longing for her
Never far from reach
As she crashed against him
She shaped him into the man he was meant to be
They created the most beautiful beach
Similar to the ones they walked on while holding hands
So peaceful and serene, so calming

If she were the sun and moon
Then he was the horizon
Kissing her as she get close and holding her
Keeping her safe
Her sun was held all night and her moon all day
Just before releasing them
At the last moment
His horizon would kiss them goodbye
Together, her sun and his horizon created twilight
A time when their love and union is so powerful
That the sky can’t no longer remain blue

With her love being a drug
He easily became a fiend
He could never get enough of her
Searching night and day for the next hit
The next time he’d see her
The next time he could hold her
The next time he could kiss her
Getting high off of herLosing himself While loving her

Together…

Two pieces to a bigger picture
Together they crossed out the definition of love and wrote in their own
They removed the picture next to it and painted a new one
More and more as people saw them they knew
That this is what love was supposed to be
The world craved a love like theirs

He cherished her She adored him

Both tattered and beaten
They found the one who would fix them
The one who would take the pain away
He allowed her to fall in love with herself
She reminded him that there was still good in him

They finished each other’s sentences
They fell in love more and more each day
They completed each other

I’ve always loved flying. Every summer I would enter a mechanical bird and travel to the island of Dominica. These days, I use a seaplane to travel between St. Croix and St. Thomas in the Virgin Islands on holidays. Thanksgiving is probably the only time that I get/want to travel to St. Croix. Anyways, the flight.

Take Off…

I sit in my seat in the crowded plane. This isn’t a 757, so you’re personal bubble overlaps with the person next to you. The pilot starts up the propellers and we start moving forward across the water. At first it feels like your in a boat as the waves rock you this way and that way. As the plane picks up speed, you get the feeling of being a rock that is skipping across the water. Each wave causes the plane to bounce out of the water. After a moments, the feeling of rising into the air takes place. I watch as the floats stop making contact with the water. We start to soar.

Airborne…

If you’re a believer in a higher power, you imagine his hands under the wings keeping you in the air. You may believe that he is holding the plane up as it flies. Scientists see the combination of thrust and lift in play; lower pressure on the top of the wing and whatnot.

Mesmerized…

No matter what you believe, the view out the window is spectacular. The water is beautiful shades of blue and blue green. The cars become toys, people, ants. You get a view of nature that many do not get to see. This larger scale allows you to take in so much more than you would have on the ground or in a boat. Depending on what kind of flight you’re on, the view remains the deep blue of the ocean or the white of clouds.

Ears pop as the body adjusts to the decrease in pressure. My headphones distract me from the sensation in my ears. Music also takes away from the noise made by the engines. The loud hum is made almost nonexistent as the music fills my ears and soul. I usually put on tranquil music that adds to the peace that I feel in the air.

My destination is fifteen minutes across some tranquil blue water. There are not that many clouds because I’m not that high up. Still, the clouds that we do encounter are tantalizing. They make you want to try walking on them, taste them, feel them. Sometimes I wish that I was flying next to the plane rather than flying in it. I envy the birds that soar through the air.

Wishful…

I always look out for Dolphins or a whale when I fly between my two home islands. I don’t even know how happy it would make me to see a family of dolphins splashing across the water or a whale breaching the surface with a big splash. There’s nothing today but shades of blue. I make out different shapes with the clouds. In an attempt at irony, one of the clouds is in the shape of a dolphin. Funny nature, funny. Halfway there. Time to take a nap. Naps makes the flight feel even shorter.

Home…

I open my eyes in time to see my destination. Landing is always the worst part. The angle of approach is gut wrenching. You anticipate the splash into the water that seems takes forever. The plane glides over the water for some time before is makes contact. Once again skipping across the water like a stone. When the splashing stops, the bobbing returns and the plane is driven to the dock.

The passengers spill out of the plane and are happy to have had a safe flight. I’m happy to be home for another Thanksgiving.

Soulmates…

A soulmate doesn’t always have to be the person that you marry.

A soulmate is anyone who you know is going to stay an important part of your life for a long time to come. They are people with whom you can connect. They people that you can lean on in times of need throughout life. Soulmates take you to another level of self. They make you a better person in more ways than one. I am one of the lucky few to stumble upon my soulmates. Yes, Plural. Two to be exact.

The love that I have for and with these two individuals transcends any love that I have experienced in my life. There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do for them and I know that that goes for them as well.

Him…

He went from friend, to best friend, to brother. It happened so quickly that I didn’t even see it happen. The other reason that I can’t time it is that it was so easy. We basically fell into place in each other’s lives. We had so much in common that it was like I was hanging out with myself. There is a mutual love between us. A mutual respect. I trust him with my life and I know that it goes both ways. We look out for each other. Whenever we have anything in surplus, we share with one another. He has done more for me than any human ever has. His last showcase of character brings me to tears daily. He gave me something that I know was probably the hardest thing he has ever had to give up. Just to bring me happiness. Disregarding his own. I love him.

Brothers for Life

Her…

She was the apple of my eye once upon a time. We fell for each other easily. In light of events that took place, we had to back out of each other’s lives. We were selfless. Over the years, she remained close. Not by choice, but by circumstance. Day after day, we piled more dirt on the buried feelings that tried to rise like zombies from under the ground. Just like zombies, had the feelings come to ground, they would cause chaos in the peaceful lives that we were trying to keep. I’ve seen her cry and she has seen me cry. We’ve seen each other at our highs and lows. Even though we knew the way to stop the tears, we kept crying. It was easier to cry than to cause pain. I have always loved her.

In Love Forever

Two soulmates.

The climax of the story.

My two soulmates were once each other’s soulmates. When I said that we had a lot in common, I wasn’t lying. The reason for my tears today is that my brother, my other half, gave up the thing he cherished most because he believed in me. He believed in me. He believed that I would treat her right and keep the pain from her eyes. He understood the pain that I was going through trying to find something that was right in front of me all along. I have to believe that it wasn’t easy for him. It would have killed me daily. He will never know the level of respect and love that I have for him because of how much he sacrificed. If it was strong before, the bond that we have now is shatterproof, waterproof, bulletproof. I will never let him down and I will make sure that his faith in me is rewarded and was not put in the wrong place. I will cherish her the way that he expects me to. I will not let him down.

I am in love with her. He can see it.

I love him. She knows it.

I am mentally and spiritually connected to them both. They both finish my sentences and I finish theirs too. Sometimes we have to tell each other to get out of our heads because we have this ability to know what the other is thinking with nothing more than a look. It is so natural that we do not even make note of it. When we are together, everything is great.

Hanging with him makes time speed by. Sometimes I feel like there isn’t enough time for us to continue having fun. Sometimes we do simple things. Moments that are cherished. Grabbing a bottle of rum and drinking under the moonlight at a beach somewhere. Talking about everything and nothing. Making plans for our future. Just living life in the moment.

Spending time with her is a similar opposite. Time slows down, but there still isn’t enough of it. We do silly things. Things that make her happy. Collecting shells on the beach or looking at fish swim near a dock. Talking about everything and nothing. Making plans for our future. Just living life in the moment.

With them, I am something. Without them, I am nothing. They bring joy into my life and tear away at the fears and insecurities that I’ve lived with for longer than I can remember.

I love them both…

They both love me…

I am the luckiest man alive to be able to experience such love firsthand…

I’ve been beaten down,
I’ve been kicked around,
But she takes it all for me.

No matter what I’ve been through, she has been there for me, encouraging me to keep up the good work. She’s felt for and helped me to see that I was doing my best. When I was at my lowest, she was there for me. When my plans to go out of my way failed, she was there for me. She took on so much of my pain that at times, it didn’t feel as bad as it actually was. I love her for that. She’ll never know what that meant to me. Even now, she tells me that my past does not define me. What defines me is the way that I treat her now and the way that I have always treated her. She knows the real me, the true me, the me that I love to hide from the world.

And I lost my faith,
In my darkest days,
But she makes me want to believe.

After all I have been through; she still has the ability to make me believe in love. Love. It was something that I had given up on for so many reasons. I no longer believed that doing the right thing would be appreciated. Spending time with her, I see that I was wrong. She gives me a reason to do right. A reason to be the best person that I know I can be. A reason to love. She takes away the darkness. She brings light to my world. A world that once desolate, cold, and morbid. Now it’s filled with flowers and rainbows and sunsets and butterflies. My heart has thawed out and now has a reason to beat. Thump thump thump. It beats for her and only her. It calls her name.

She is love, and she is all I need.

She’s all I need.

Well, I had my ways,
They were all in vain,
But she waited patiently.

I tried so hard to be the best person that I could be. I focused on the little things. I made sure that the thought always counted. Nothing worthwhile ever came to fruition. I went above and beyond to bring smiles to faces, only to end up with nothing in the end. She’s even helped me to plan things. I have helped her to plan things. Relationship after relationship, I tried and failed to show the other person a love that I was appreciated for. It tore at me from the inside. It changed me. Throughout it all, she was there. She never left my side. She watched and waited as I continued to fail to be the person that I was meant to be. She didn’t try to sway me to her. I think that deep down; she understood that I had to go through the roughest of times to appreciate something special. Eventually we came together and we got what we wanted, needed, deserved from the beginning. We got each other.

It was all the same,
All my pride and shame,
And she put me on my feet.

Down on my knees and feeling out of it, she picked me up and helped me to my feet. She held me and told me that everything would be alright and I believed her. Hell, I loved her, anything that she told me, I would believe. I was ashamed. I was ashamed of wasting my time and efforts on those who didn’t know how to accept it as true. I was ashamed that after all I did, I ended up alone. My pride told me that I was doing better than most, but it was not enough to get out of the state that I was in. She was the only one who was able to do that. She was the only one who could get me out of the dark place.

She is love, and she is all I need.

And when that world slows down, dear
And when those stars burn out, here
Oh she’ll be there, yes she’ll be there.

There’s no more fear of the future and what is to come. My future is no longer a place that I fear in the back of my mind. There is one important unknown that has now come to light. I look forward to my future because I know that she will be a part of it. I can’t wait to show her exactly what she means to me in ways that she may have never had experienced. I know that she will do the same for me. Forever and always, I know that she will be a part of me. The best part of me. This time, whatever it takes will have true meaning.

She is love, and she is all I need.

All I need in this world right now and forevermore is her. For the rest of my life, I will love her and everything that she is. As long as I have her by my side, I can do anything. Nothing seems too out of reach. She is the love of my life. She always has been and she always will be. We’re finally where we belong.

She is love, and she is all I need.

She loves me with all of her and I love her with all of me. No other will ever be able to replace the love that she has given me. I will shower her with so much love that she will never need anything, never long for anything. Nothing makes sense without her. What I feel when I am with her, there are no words that can describe it. There aren’t enough. No matter how much I try, nothing comes close to expressing exactly what feelings she brings to me.

I can’t live without her…

I know she must hate me for walking away, but we both knew that it was the best thing to do at the time. What matters now is that I am here. I want her. I need her. She stands in front of me and waits. Her head is bowed and she only looks at me occasionally. I smile at her when she looks up and she blushes, but she still doesn’t move. We are just here, three feet apart, looking at each other. No words are said. I feel the magnetism between us that is pulling us to one another and I know that she feels it too. I open my arms and she rushes to me. Her head lies on my chest next to her hand. I kiss her on the forehead. I hold her. I know that she’s crying, so I don’t ask. I just let her and start thinking.

She’s Mine. I’m Hers.

I came back for her. I came back for me. I came back for us. It’s been too long that we ran away from the feelings we both had for one another. It’s been too long that we pretended that we are just friends. It’s been too long that we watched each other suffer in relationships we both knew wouldn’t work. It’s been too long that we denied ourselves of being happy by being selfless. We deserve better. We deserve each other. This step that we are about to take is the one we should have made in the beginning.

The future is in our hands…

This is where we were meant to be

I look to the future and I see her. I look in her eyes and I see my future. Life finally feels like it’s being lived to potential. I finally feel like I have purpose. I am complete. I am happy. I never knew what it was like to feel happy, but every day that I am with her, I know happiness. I wake and think of her and right before I drift off to sleep I think of her. Every moment in between, I am happy. Just knowing that she is mine and that we are finally together makes me happy. I can face anything with the feeling she gives to me.

My Vows…

Now that we are finally together, it is my duty to make sure that I keep her as happy as possible. I will not force it on her, but I will make sure that she is able to be happy. I cannot promise happiness, nor can I promise that nothing will go wrong. I can only promise to be there when I can. I will try my best to never let her down. If I make plans, I will see them through. I will never leave her feeling unwanted or that someone else can take her place. I will always listen first and then be heard. I plan for the occasional fight, but we will get through each one and come out stronger. We will never go to bed angry. We will always go to bed in love. I will always accept every bit of her, as I always have. Every nuance, every personality trait, every aspect of her life will be accepted. I accept her completely. I promise to love her for as long as both live. Nothing and no one will come between us.

I love her…

She finally takes her head off my chest and looks up at me. I come back to reality and look down at her, into her eyes. For the first time in a long time, she doesn’t break her stare. In what seems like an eternity, we just look at each other lovingly. Her head tilts and I bring mine down to her. We kiss. When we break, we still say nothing. We don’t’ need to say anything. We have always been able to speak to each other without words. I still need her to hear that I love her, so I tell her. A tear falls down her cheek and she says it back. I hold her close to me in an embrace I wish would never end. We are in love. This is forever.

If I lose myself in her and she loses herself in me, then we will find ourselves in each other…

I wipe the tears as they trickle down her face. One, two, three. Every third tear takes a different route down her face, the trails look like branches. Her face is wet. The tears are falling faster than my fingers can move to stop them. She’s just looking at me, sad. We both are.

We’ve been sitting in the car for ten minutes now trying to figure what we’re going to do with the situation that we found ourselves in. It’s too complicated for us to be this close. There’s too much for us both to lose. Her mouth opens as she begins to plead to me. I put my finger on her lips and mouth no to her. I just keep repeating the action every time her mouth opens. I shake my head and stare deep into her eyes. She’s staring right back with just as much intensity as I am.

The tears are still coming. How are we going to walk away from this? How are we going to survive this? We both have found the one person in life that we love above all else. She finally gets two words out. “I can’t”. I still shake my head, but say nothing. “I don’t know how to”. I know that at the end of both of those sentences, three words are missing. Each time I finish for her in my head “Live without you”.

I share her feelings, but I know, just like she does, that we are going to have to find a way to get through this. We’re going to have to walk out of each other’s lives. Again. I still shake my head, trying to hold back tears of my own, but say nothing. I could never take seeing her cry.

I finally speak and tell her exactly what she means to me and exactly what walking away from her will do to me. I tell the truth. She is what I have always been looking for. Then something tears in me. The music playing from the speakers, the moment we are in, it all comes together and I can’t take it anymore. I can’t stay in this car anymore.

I remind her that I will always be here for her and that I never stopped being here for her. She nods. I kiss her on the forehead. I say goodbye and begin to step out the car. I can feel her resistance to letting me go. I take my time to release my fingers from her hand.

I don’t look back. I can’t. If I do, I will get back in the car. I need her, I love her. But I can’t have her, I can’t love her. I walk across the parking lot and back into the building I came from. I never look back, I can’t look back. I get to my office and just sit at my desk. I stare are the laptop screen in front of me. I can’t enter data. I can’t make sense of anything. My lunch sits on the table next to me, getting cold. I’ve barely made a dent. No appetite. No will to do anything. It feels like my world has come crashing down around me.

I look out the window and see the car still parked in the spot. Every fiber in my body wants to run back to her. To hold her. To let her know that everything is going to be okay. I will myself to stay in my seat, to stay at my desk. I text her and ask her if she wants me to come back. She says no. If I do she will never be able to go through with this. I agree.

I sit watching the car. The reverse lights come on. I feel the sadness. The car backs out of the spot. More sadness. Then the car pulls away. There goes my everything. There goes my future. There goes the love of my life. There goes a tear from my right eye.