Saturday, August 5, 2017

-- As we drove by BB&T: Hey, BB&T! Bank, Butt, & Toot.-- Joshua, Mama, and I took a trip to Washington DC recently and played the licence plate game on the way. Joshua was in charge of looking for plates we hadn't seen yet. He did great with reading the state names but had trouble with Connecticut. He yelled out, "Conticoot!!"-- While riding the metro in DC, we happened to get on one of the new trains they're rolling out. It was clean and spacious but someone had left their empty cup from Starbucks behind. It had a woman's name written on it and the straw had lipstick on it.Mama: Joshua, let's look at the cup and see if we can determine if the person that drank it was a woman or a man.Joshua: Well, it has a girl's name, so it was a woman.Mama: How else can we tell it was a woman? Joshua: Hhmmmm, there's a bloody straw...Mama: What do women use that men don't use that you see?Joshua: Lipstick!!-- Joshua bought a stuffed flamingo from the zoo in DC as a souvenir. I asked him what he was going to name it. He decided on Flamont. Flamont the Flamingo.-- Joshua: Thank you, Captain Obvious.Me: What does obvious mean?Joshua: I don't know.Me: Don't use words you don't know the meaning of. If I say 'The grass is green,' you could say, 'That's obvious.' So what does obvious mean?Joshua: Duh, we already know that.Me: You got it.-- Joshua saw a bin of flip flops for 97 cents each at Wal-mart. As we went by he said, "Oh wow, that's a nice price!"--Me: Grandmom's surgery was a knee replacement.Joshua: Replacement?Me: Yes, they took here old knee out and replaced it with a new one.Joshua: With WHOSE knee??!!!-- Joshua correctly used the word "contestants" in a sentence:David: Where'd you learn that word?Joshua: Dad, I'm in the THIRD grade!David: Oh, my bad!

Monday, December 19, 2016

It's been a few months since I posted a list of the cute and clever things my kid says. So, to celebrate winter track-out, here's a fresh batch of Joshisms!

-- Wow! That must have been a big peach! (He thought this coconut was a peach pit)

-- Joshua: So, am I gonna go to that other gymnastics class?

Me: She put you on a wait list.

Joshua: What's that?

Me: It means that the class is full so you can't go. But if someone leaves the class, they'll see who is on the wait list and they'll let that person in the class.

Joshua: Oh.

*several minutes later*

Joshua: When she calls, I bet I'll weigh enough.

Me: It doesn't matter how much you weigh; she was asking me about your age, not your weight.

Joshua: I know, but it's a "weight list".

(English is hard, you guys!!)

-- Joshua found a book of knock-knock jokes on the bookshelf the other day and has been bugging us with (bad) jokes every day. He was reading them to me from the other room and after asking me one, I heard him say to himself, "I gotta remember that...", and quietly repeated the joke.

-- Me: Can I sleep in your bed tonight?

Joshua: Yea, maybe.

Me: (thinking he had said 'Yea baby') Don't say that to me! In fact, don't say it to anyone!

Joshua: I didn't say anything!

Me: Yea, baby?!?!

Joshua: NO! I said, 'Yea maybe'...Baby?? That would just be weird!

-- Joshua: Mom, is dinner almost done?

Me: Not quite. The rolls will take about 25 minutes.

Joshua: What else did you make?

Me: Oh, tonight, we feast! I made meatballs, mashed potatoes, broccoli, and rolls.

Joshua: 25 minutes for all that?? It's worth it!

-- While looking at a photo of Mario & Luigi: "Mom, is that Mario and Lemony Slick?"

Saturday, July 23, 2016

-- I was trying to talk David into cooking some fried rice and he wasn't having it. I thought I could sway him if Joshua was on my side:

Me: J, do you want some fried rice?

J: No! I don't want dried rice!

-- Joshua went outside to get something from the sandbox but came right back in. I asked if he had changed his mind. He replied, "The chickens are having a girls day over there." (Petrie sometimes chases him, so he avoids her when he's alone.)

-- "I'm gonna help Dad clean out the garage. And when we get done with all that business, I'm gonna play with him."

-- Joshua was playing a game with Grammy and had to draw an item listed on one of the playing cards. His item was a fork. He drew a fork with three tines and then said that because it only had three, it should be called a "thork".

-- David was talking to a co-worker on the phone about work stuff and was using work jargon, which sounds like greek to us. Joshua looked at me and asked, "How do they know this stuff?"

-- After watching Toy Story 3: "Does Buzz *ever* take his suit off?!"

-- Me: Sing a song from your play to Grammy.

Joshua: One small voice, singing....that's all I've got.

-- Me: Joshua, go get the sunscreen out of my bag, please.

Joshua: *gets the sunscreen* Mom, you're not 50. You can't use this. It says 50 plus.

Me: Hah! That's the SPF, not who's allowed to use it.

-- Mom, can we watch Alice and the Wonderland?

-- This ranch dip is off the line!

-- Me: We have so much to do tomorrow!

Joshua: Like what?

Me: Go through all these old clothes, finish laundry, start packing for the beach...

Joshua: Make a secret plan to steal Dolly...

*looks at Poppa & Grammy* Well, I guess it isn't a secret anymore!

-- Joshua: *singing* Who, who, who let the dogs out? Now you go, Mom.

Me: Who let the dogs out? We used to sing that in high school because we were the Brunswick Bulldogs.