Friday, June 22, 2012

Back in the day,"Small Ads" was the classifieds section of White Dwarf magazine. This was back when WD was a general gaming mag. I don't know if they still put classifieds in the all-GW version nowadays. The Small Ads ranged from zines and modules from garage outfits, players looking for players (include quite a few painfully obvious 'looking for a D&D girlfriend' ads), clubs announcing meeting times, people looking to buy, sell or swap game crap and help wanted ads for game companies. A minority of the Small Ads were written in-character, including a few that were obviously campaign communiques from one character to another.

I've lightly edited the 55 most interesting in-character ads and listed them below. Perhaps the PCs in your campaign could find some of these items posted on the wall of a tavern. Some will need a little editing, as I left in a few place-names and an occasional mention of a ruleset. And dates or contact info will need to be added to make some of these work.

Celldorin the Great and Highly Unstable would like to announce that Phedia the Red is a fraud and not worthy to be a barbarian.

Magic-User seeks halfling to experiment on, also fellow adventurers in the Irvine/Ayr area.

Helva. Warning, reversal of forthcoming union with mouse = danger.

Loki's daughter and a valet without hindrance; together they will prove your equal.

The Kulgarian Empire wishes to open trade relations with the peoples of the galaxy.

Meaty Bovril seeks fun but intelligent party in Fareham area.

Ashmire the Terrible, King of Thieves is slain. The Underworld Guild is finished. Victory to Ronin Stormhammer, Barbarian Lord of Gulgaros.

Felin Khuzkill can nobble the fool elf any day. Omar better watch his back as well.

Zinnlead the Assassin for hire to AD&D, RQ, Traveller or any other worlds.

Crasimoff's get rich quick scheme! Would you like to take part in the sacking of a town? A castle? Want to get rich quick? Send details of your party (size, spells, position, etc.) to Morlock's Marauders.

Magic-User requires other participants who would like to form a group.

Azaqual, Lord of Belegost, skilled engineer/miner, has retired at last to design any complex wanted.

Dragons on the Hill near New Cross Road.

Wanted: Spells. Rooneo Redno has a complete set of magic-user and illusionist spells. She now wants to get hold of all the new spells out and about.

Dragon For Sale - serious offers only

Experienced giant killer seeks adventurers

Help! Grom the nimble and young gnome illusionist/thief seeks adventurers

Whoops! Small group misuses Amulet of Planar Travel and loses itself on the Elemental Plane of Air. New ideas and personnel required urgently to bring them down on earth.

Elven magic-user and monk looking for fellow adventurers to help destroy evil in Kilmarnock area.

Challenge! Ogawa Yatsuburo, a great silver petal bushi of Iajima Province and son of O Yoshimura, scourge of mongol fiends, desires revenge upon the micreant inhabitants of the barbarian ronin's mansion.

Help! Desperate group of plunderers seek new comrades in Berkhamstead area. Ezrad's a maladjusted psycho, Mahni's missing an arm and an eye, great company!

Challenge! - We Immortals challenge all adversaries to a tournament. Battle against Grendel, Thor, bane of all things nasty, Obsidian Dragon Slayer and Thorongil the Necromancer.

Greetings, noble lords and ladies. Newly ordained cleric seeks gallant allies to defeat vile monsters, to strive for right, and possibly, to start a group in Croydon.

Mystic Crystal - Thought they sought to bind me with incantations most foul and magics whose roots rest in the black bowels of hell, they could not hope to prevail. For I, Basalneep the Mysterious, did possess a tome of wondrous wisdom, Mystic Crystal.

Royal Decree. Duke Amorcaller of Porxan declares that it is time for a festival.

Can anyone help a lonely Lord and Rune Priest exterminate the local hordes of evil?

A quiet spell in life. Are there any older sorcerers out there looking for an apprentice?

Announcement! Valian, watch Rodnar, it is in the near future. Be on your guard in the Seven Heavens! You too, you members of the Black Chasm!

Obituary. In memorium of Randulf Scutter, beloved of the Glericion family, who dies tragically at the hands of thieves whilst in the service of Vardis Glericion, Knight of the Holy Crusade. He will be greatly missed.

Announcement! Thador (the Blue) Clearsoul would like to publicly announce that Koran Skullsmasher's mother was a half-bred orc with a limp and an embarrassing birthmark which I (due to a payoff to a dubious assassin) know that she has passed down.

Thoggin Slytongue hereby declares two deaths, one regretfully and t'other long overdue. Celrond Goblinsbane, fellow adventurer, assassinated by the Scarlet Brotherhood, and that pig Aranen Silverleaf, killed by mine own gnomish hands. Rot in Hell, Arabonc.

Belated Anniversary Greetings Congratulations Ranorah and Berni on your first wedding anniversary. All the gang wish you many more. Remember Wersi and the black gem? Have you tired of the quiet life? Join us next month. Tarsha, Gollum and Tymore.

Sorry! The Rheinrhelm Travellers humbly apologize for the accidental annihilation of the City of Greyhawk in CY578 during dragon training. We console them with the knowledge that the twelve dragons involved passed all their tests.

Hail Worthy Paladins, Honourable Cavaliers If though be in dire need of a goodly companion, why not scribe to Tancred the Templar?

"Man, is there anything Jeff CAN'T do when it comes to gaming? This guy is like a critical 20 every roll. Jeff can bite the heads offa five game geeks, including their sorry-ass DM, and spit 'em into a large duffel bag ONE AT A TIME!...that's just the kind of messed up bastard he is! You think yer a gamer, punk? Well..do ya? Jeff will depants your weasel-ass right in front of your grandma."