Update On Penn State’s Ridiculous Crack Down On State Patty’s Day

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Earlier today TotalFratMove reported that Penn State and State College are planning a massive crackdown on State Patty’s Day, the school’s wild St. Patrick’s Day celebration in the form of paying bars to refrain from serving alcohol in the hopes that students wouldn’t drink, because that’s a totally achievable goal. Apparently Penn State doesn’t trust its students, or at least the school doesn’t want its students hurting its reputation.

(*falls on the ground laughing, spits milk out of nose, wonders last time he even drank milk*)

Those students, by the way, are the same students that literally just raised over $12 million for pediatric cancer research. But apparently at Penn State if you help children you’re punished, meanwhile of course if you violently molest children (or cover up that molestation) you’re protected and/or celebrated by Penn State.

Hey Penn State administration, how’s that reputation again?

In lieu of drinking at bars and restaurants, much safer environments for hosting State Patty’s Day, Penn State students figured they would now be forced to take their parties to off campus housing. However the Penn State administration and State College authorities are waaayyyyyy ahead of them. State College police have now also instructed local apartment complexes to prevent any partying, and the complexes have complied by allowing police to patrol their hallways for the weekend. Below is a picture of a notice sent to the Meridian, which according to our office Nittany Lion, owns three of the largest apartment complexes downtown.

It’s actually logical for the apartment complexes to want to control partying, considering the amount of property damage they could potentially incur and the fact that they aren’t really built for it, unlike the bars, which are literally built for that. Apparently last year one of the Meridian complexes inadvertently played host to a real life game of Donkey Kong featuring drunk Penn State students and empty kegs. Sounds awesome.

According to local Pennsylvania blog The School Philly, some State College liquor stores will also be closing, at the request of the town, because clearly these kids aren’t old enough to make their own decisions, unless that decision is to raise an inconceivable amount of money for cancer or, you know, essentially be the reason for that town’s very existence. But hey, fuck it, right?

The TFM Tech Guy, a recent Penn State grad, weighed in on the issue:

My argument has always been that this is any normal day drinking Saturday for Greeks, just with an Irish theme. GDIs try to join in and end up committing crimes or going to the hospital. Fraternities are easy targets and need to stay in the good graces of the police/borough so they have to stop partying.

Not only is almost every single part of the town in compliance with this crackdown, but authorities have decided to give out maximum punishments for anyone receiving a variety of violations over the weekend. Those violators will, according to sources, be forced to see a judge the same day they are arrested.

This all sounds like a giant, bullshit, overreaction to me. Hopefully the only result of this crackdown is that it discourages out-of-towners from coming in and trashing the borough (from what I’ve heard they do quite a bit of the damage), and that Penn State students will one day soon be able to host a badass St. Patty’s Day celebration for themselves.

But c’mon Penn State, why couldn’t you just act like none of this was happening? You’re so good at that.

Rob Fox (né Bacon) is Director of Video Content and a Senior Writer for Total Frat Move, Rowdy Gentleman, and Post Grad Problems. He is a graduate, without honors, from the University of Missouri. Rob is originally from St. Louis, and currently lives in Austin, Texas. He still has not admitted to his family what he does for a living, and is prone to having wet nightmares ever since losing his virginity in a haunted house. Email: rob@grandex.co

Your posting RPM’s (Royal Pain-in My-ass) is starting to rev. up into dagerous FirstPost territory. You might want to lay off the lead foot before we all decide to make you do a few manual diagnostic assessments via lacing em up.

It might seem a little excessive because your fuel injectors don’t get dirty that quickly, but fuel injector cleaner also has other fuel treatments in it that will help your fuel filters and fuel lines from getting clogged or dirty as well as keeping your piston rings lubed. A clean engine is a happy engine!!!

DOOOON’T CAAAAAAARE! No one wants to read these repeated Penn State posts. If they have a true greek system they will adapt to the situation and figure out how they’re going to party, so in the end only unorganized GDIs are being hurt by this. Case in point, why is it worth an article on here?

Son, are you some type of retarded? “Case in point” would suggest that you are using an example (case) to explain your reasoning (point). Take a lap and then stand in the corner sucking your thumb until you’re ready to keep up with the adults.