…so then the Doctor looks at the guy and says, “It doesn’t look like you’re eating right.” Bahaha! That’s comedy gold right there!

Confused? Well, this is Part 2 of “Why Donald Trump is Ulfric Stormcloak,” so if you haven’t read Part 1, you should probably go do that now before moving on. I initially wrote this with the intention of publishing one article, but after the now former editor of Top Shelf Gaming started reading my article, grew old, and died, I resolved to chop it in half. So, now the moment you’ve all been waiting for…

The Election as Explained by Imperials

So, just to recap, while I encourage both parties to read both articles, the majority of this article is mostly written for people who admire or at least politically support Donald Trump. But before I begin, perhaps I should save a few readers from an emotional arrow in the knee. If you genuinely cannot understand why anyone in their right mind would vote for Hillary Clinton as president of the United States, I’m honestly not going to try to change your mind. I am among the many people from the both sides of the fence that don’t particularly like Hillary Clinton, so this article isn’t about to paint her as the goddess of all things beautiful, wise, and good. However, if you cannot possibly imagine why anyone in their right mind could ever dislike Donald Trump, I’m not sure that you’ll get much out of this article.

Of course, that doesn’t mean I’m going to bash you all as idiots for liking Donald Trump. I get it. I wrote a whole separate article about why Donald Trump is truly impressive. But you guys have got to admit that this fella has a gift for rubbing folks the wrong way! Again, my goal isn’t to turn you all into tree-hugging, Reagan-bashing, bleeding-heart liberals. I just hope to make you realize why a genuine, sane person might have reservations about voting for Donald Trump by explaining why some think that he and Ulfric are surly characters.

Both are too proud of their privilege.

Everybody likes a rags to riches story. It’s really a fundamental part of the American as well as psyche. Thus, both of these fellas parade themselves as self-made men. Ulfric Stormcloak is the only one “worthy” to be High King of Skyrim? Donald Trump built his own empire? Not from the ground up! Both of these guys are privileged to the max. Though he brags about all his majesty and might, Ulfric just inherited his kingdom. More than that, he received training in the Way of the Voice from the Greybeards on High Hrothgar and learned the power of his Thu’um. I’m pretty sure that counts as cultural capital, right? A firm handshake, how to present yourself, the ability to shred a dragon to pieces with your voice, etc. In any case, he had a lot going for him on day one.

Donald Trump, as we all know, famously started his company with a “small loan of a million dollars.” Yeah, a real rags to riches story… GOLDEN RAGS, MAYBE!

“Everything the light touches is our kingdom, Donald. Our kingdom is so, so great. The best. Believe me, wait until they get a load’a this kingdom. Just watch. John D. Rockefeller was a very great friend of mine and, know what he said? It was unbelievable. I’ll tell ya. I knew him very well, since-“

But I know what you’re thinking. “Yeah. They had options when they were born. So what? Is that really a reason to hate them?” No, not really. But many Imperials see these guys as demagogues who boast of their own power and ignore all the help they received along the way that made them strong. This arrogance is a real turn-off to people who believe they’ve never had a chance and don’t believe that they’ll receive any empathy from their new leader. Speaking of empathy…

Both have problematic relationships with minorities.

Alright, now let’s address the Draugr Deathlord in the room: minorities. Now before I continue, let me define my terms: in saying “minorities,” I don’t mean only numerical minorities but people groups who are in a position of subordination in society. This would include races other than white, women, people in the LGBT community, those of a religion other than Christianity, and those with disabilities.

After the passing of his father, Ulfric Stormcloak became the Jarl of Windhelm and made the race-related laws of his father much more strict. He had Dark Elves live in the Grey Quarter (a run down part of the city) and forbid the Argonians (basically lizard people, just as a reminder) from entering the city.

This guy can’t even vote. What injustice.

The Nords are a rather xenophobic culture that rebukes what is foreign to them and Ulfric Stormcloak is no exception. But more importantly, Donald Trump has referred to undocumented immigrants as rapists, called for the banning of Muslim immigration in the United States, publicly mocked a reporter with a disability, encouraged the belligerent treatment of minority protesters in his rallies, and privately bragged about sexually assaulting women. So… yeah. It’s quite a time when the Republican nominee makes a warmongering character from medieval fiction seem moderate.

Both brazenly disrespected an ancient establishment.

Ulfric Stormcloak straight-up murdered Torygg, the High King of Skyrim, and Donald Trump Straight-up murdered Jeb Bush. Though neither of them technically broke the rules, they certainly broke a few unwritten rules. In the old kingdom of Skyrim, it was acceptable for a Jarl to challenge the High King to a duel. Though this ancient law technically still stands, many Nordic natives considered Ulfric’s murder to be quite distasteful, barbaric, and uncalled for. Similarly, it is not conventional for a candidate with no political experience to run in a primary without even consulting the Republican establishment. Also, though there really aren’t any rules against calling your opponents “Little Marco,” constantly interrupting people during the debates, or making fun of Jeb Bush’s mom, many Americans found his behavior quite distasteful, barbaric, and uncalled for.

Meanie.

Both are needlessly violent.

Ulfric Stormcloak separated the nation of Skyrim by marching to the capital, murdering the High King, and sabotaging the national security of the land. Donald Trump has seriously suggested the use of nuclear weapons on our enemies, going after the children of terrorists, and increased level of torture. Not exactly policies that you’d wanna take home to meet your mother. Folks, we have problems, but violence like that ain’t gonna fix ’em. A lot of Imperials are worried that Donald Trump will drop a nuke on North Korea, further our conflict in the Middle East, or shoot somebody that made fun of his hair in the middle of Times Square.

So know that Imperials are not out of their minds. They may disagree with you, curious Stormcloak, but they’re not out of their mind. They’re just a little scared.

Okay, so Ulfric Stormcloak is Donald Trump. So what?

Whether or not Donald Trump becomes president may be one of the most pivotal moments in human history, but, amazingly, almost half of the people during each presidential election don’t show up. In 2012, for example, only 54.87% of the population of eligible voters voted in the presidential election while the others stayed at home watching the Double Rainbow video on their brand new iPads. But do everyone a favor and vote, because it’s either Ulfric Stormcloak, Hillary Clinton, or someone else, and the choice is up to you.

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Jesse Cupp is a sophomore at Chapman University, double-majoring in Screenwriting and English. Outside of writing scripts and papers, he spends a great deal of time playing his PS3 and GameCube. He has a long and complicated relationship with Nintendo.