~~~ DAUGHTER TO HER FATHER READING HER A BEDTIME STORY: "Peas porridge in the pot nine days old.

That's like the time Mom was away and left you in charge of the kitchen for two weeks!"

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~~~ When comic actor Chevy Chase was trying to break into the business, he auditioned for the new TV show Saturday Night Live.

To impress the producers, while they were hurrying through a heavy rain, Chase took one of his soon-to-be trademark flops into a pothole filled with water."How could you say no to someone who was crazy enough to do that?" he asked the producers. They couldn't, and that's how he got the job.

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~~~Sophie and Shirley, two elderly widows in a Florida adult community, are curious about the latest arrival in their building -- a quiet, nice looking gentleman who keeps to himself.

Shirley says," Sophie, you know I'm shy.

Why don't you go over to him at the pool and find out a little about him.

He looks so lonely."

Sophie agrees, and later that day at the pool, she walks up to him and says, "Excuse me, mister. I hope I'm not prying, but my friend and I were wondering why you looked so lonely."

"Oh my," says Sophie.Then turning to her friend on the other side of the pool, she yells, "Yoo hoo, Shirley.

He's single."

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~~~ Ron Davis, former Minnesota Twin-reliever who had a knack for giving up late-game homers, on the boos, he still hears at appearances in the twin Cities: "When it's 10 years later and they still hate you, that's what you call charisma."

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~~~ Circus leader Jim Rose makes a living eating light bulbs and balancing chainsaws on his nose, but a spoon sent him to the hospital in August 1994.

Rose was demonstrating how far he could push it up his nostril when he ruptured a membrane and began spurting blood.

The Seattle native leads a sideshow that includes a performer who hangs concrete blocks from his genitals and a contortionist who squeezes his body through the head of a tennis racket. Ironically, Rose was boasting about his troupe's good safety record when the accident occurred. What's worse, he put the spoon back in the kitchen drawer without wiping it off.

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~~~ The invention of the teenager was a mistake.

Once you identify a period of life in which people get to stay out late, but don't have to pay taxes, naturally, nobody wants to live any other way.

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~~~ The world isn't so much worse than before, it's just that the news coverage got so much better.

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~~~ Todays thought: Everybody wants to save the Earth, nobody wants to help Mom with the dishes. .

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."

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~~~ A young couple honeymooning in Las Vegas were down to their last two dollars.

The groom told the bride that he had a feeling that he could turn the two bucks into a fortune if he went down to the casino alone.

Once in the casino, he put one dollar each into two slot machines and won Jackpots on both totaling $10,000.

He then played blackjack for an hour until he had $50,000 in chips.

Next, he played poker and upped his winnings to $100,000.

He was about to cash in his chips when he got a hunch that his luck hadn't run out.

So he took all his money and placed it on Black at the roulette table, hoping to double his money. But the ball came up Red.

He returned to his hotel room.

"How did you do?" asked the bride.

The groom shrugged and said, "I lost two dollars."

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~~~ I know an oral surgeon who didn't have much in the way of social skills.

They had seated a paraplegic in the examining room for a consult.

When the doctor strolled into the room, oblivious to the wheelchair outside, he extended his hand for a handshake and as the patient leaned forward to shake hands he said, "Don't get up." The patient just said, "Don't worry." .

See what's inside your computer.......Maybe I need to update mine........

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~~~ There is a story about a monastery perched high on a cliff several hundred feet in the air. The only way to reach the monastery was to be suspended in a basket which was pulled to the top by several monks who pulled and tugged with all their strength.

Obviously the ride up the steep cliff in that basket was terrifying.One tourist got exceedingly nervous about halfway up as he noticed that the rope by which he was suspended was old and frayed.

With trembling voice, he asked the monk who was riding with him in the basket how often they changed the rope.The monk thought for a moment and answered brusquely,..... "Whenever it breaks."

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~~~ we call that "Smoking"...resportory therapy in our hospital. because patients just know medical personal do not smoke!!!

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~~~ Now, who can spell the word straight?"

the third-grade teacher asked her students."

S-t-r-a-i-g-h-t," answered one boy."Great job. And do you know what it means?"

"Without ice."

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~~~ No matter what you've done for yourself or for humanity, if you can't look back on having given love and attention to your own family, what have you really accomplished?"

.~~~ DOCTOR: How are you doing with that new patient?NURSE: He's a nuisance.

Yesterday he cried all day because he lost four teeth.DOCTOR: That's wrong with that?

I'd be pretty upset if I lost four teeth.NURSE: From his comb?

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~~~ U.S. President Richard Nixon was not known for his social graces.

In 1974, he visited Paris, France, to attend the funeral of French president Georges Pompidou. While speaking during the ceremony, Nixon declared, "This is a great day for France!"

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Todays thought; When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break........

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Good Morning.......Nice weekend anybody...?Looks like every ones busy, working or moving.any way here's yesterdays sunrise..

None today....Cloudy....expecting snow......

We could all go to Red Robin for a burger and onion rings..

sound good, "Witchy"?

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She likes Mouse and voles....for lunch......

Yah...right!

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Take it on good authority....that's gonna leave a boo boo........

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Boy,....does he look mad.............

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I think this little fellow wondering whats going on.....?

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Gotta have a toon once in awhile.........even if it's bad........

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~~~ Patient: "Doctor, Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?"

Dentist: "Wear a brown tie..."

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~~~ Father: What did you get that little medal for?Pete: For singing the camp talent show.Father: What did you get that big metal for?Pete: For stopping.

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~~~ Gus figured out a way to remember his wife's birthday and their wedding anniversary.

He opened an account with a florist and told him to send flowers to his wife on those dates, along with a note signed.

"Your loving husband."

His wife was thrilled by the attention, and all was great until one anniversary.

Gus came home, saw the bouquet, kissed his wife, and said, "Nice flowers.....

Where'd you get them?"

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~~~ A case manager at our mental-health facility sought a reference for a patient who was looking for a job.

"I'll vouch for him," offered another patient.

"We were roommates in prison."

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~~~ I learned to swim at a very early age.

When I was three my parents used to row me out to sea in a little boat until they got about a mile or so away from the shore - then I had to swim back.

I quite liked the swim - it was getting out of the sack that was difficult.

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~~~ Bobby phones a local chinese take away and asks " Hello there do you deliver"

The chinese guy replies!

" No Sur, We doo Chricken , We doo Pawrk, We doo Beeef but we not doo Liver

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~~~ When I stopped the bus to pick up Chris for preschool, I noticed an older woman hugging him as he left his house. "Is that your grandmother?" I asked."Yes," Chris said. "She's come to visit for a few weeks."

"How nice," I said.

"Where does she live?"

"At the airport," Chris replied.

"Whenever we want her, we just go out there and get her."

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~~~ Bankruptcy is a legal proceeding in which you put your money in your pants pocket and give your coat to your creditors.

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~~~ A recipe is a series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, with utensils you don't own, to create a dish the dog wouldn't eat.

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Todays thought: When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.