Cristian Bortes/FlickrParents want their children to develop healthy eating habits, but figuring out how to do that can be a challenge — especially when excessively policing food can lead to dangerous, unhealthy eating.

She recently sat down with Allison Benedikt and Dan Kois, hosts of the excellent, endlessly listenable (even for those of us who don't have kids) parenting podcast " Mom and Dad Are Fighting" to discuss how parents can help their kids, and especially their daughters, develop food habits that are both mentally and physically healthy.

Based on that discussion, here are the key things parents of kids with a healthy approach to eating have in common:

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1. They understand how important a role they play in their kids' health.

Steiner-Adair says parents — together with educators and doctors — have a huge impact on how kids think about and treat their bodies.

"My earliest research was first on treating eating disorders," she told Benedikt and Kois. "But then since they were so difficult to treat I moved into the area of primary prevention, which is really what parents and schools can do to help girls in particular but boys as well develop a sense of body acceptance, a body-positive self-image in our media and image-based saturated culture."

3. They don't make nasty comments about other people's bodies.

"Never make a nasty comment about somebody else's body," Steiner-Adair told the hosts.

"It's really tricky because that's one of the few kinds of social unkindness as well as comparisons that are really condoned in our culture," she says. But like self-shaming, critiquing others' bodies reinforces bad ideas about what matters in health and eating.

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4. They don't obsess over every calorie that crosses their children's lips.

Steiner-Adair says that healthy eating involves treats and other foods that would be unhealthy in excess. She cautions against "a kind of obsessive vigilance" to the detriment of developing good habits of moderation.

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5. Instead of shaming their kids for unhealthy eating, they stock their cupboards with healthy foods.

Steiner-Adair says constantly talking about the right way to eat is the wrong move — and that kids know what their parents consider healthy anyway. If you want your kids to eat healthy, she suggests, "Just practice it. Be it. Live it."

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6. They don't abstain from foods because they're 'being good,' or indulge because they're 'being bad.'

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The moralistic vocabulary people use around food, Steiner-Adair says, encourages harmful practices, particularly in children.

"Do not model baking a cake or delicious dessert and then not eating it yourself because you are 'being good.'"

She says those kinds of thoughts relate strongly to eating disorders and bad habits.

"There's very little you can do as a teenager when you're not happy," she says. "And one of the things you can do is buy into the cultural myth that controlling your body will bring you happiness, and that's a slippery slope for kids."

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7. They help their kids, particularly girls, identify and own the things they like about themselves.

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Researchers notice that boys can often list dozens of things they like about themselves, Steiner-Adair says. But girls tend to duck the same questions, avoiding the subject.

Girls are taught that liking things about themselves that are not body-related makes them "bossy" and "stuck-up" — while they are encouraged to celebrate their bodies.

She says to avoid just telling girls that looks don't matter. They won't believe you. Rather, she suggests you identify, highlight, and discuss other things that do matter.

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8. They help children understand changes in their bodies in the context of puberty and growing up.

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Often, children's weights will vary as they go through the various awkward phases of growing up. Steiner-Adair says parents shouldn't ignore those changes, criticize them, or try to change them. Rather, they should focus on discussing with their kids how those changes emerge from the growing process and becoming beautiful adults.

10. They talk about their children's health with doctors and nutritionists, and make sure advice about weight and diet comes from them.

One challenge to helping kids develop healthy, positive attitudes and habits about food is what to do when their weight does become a concern.

"Any comment to a child about weight loss should always come from a pediatrician or a nutritionist, not from a parent," Steiner-Adair says.

If you have concerns about your children's health, she suggest, sit down with their doctor and discuss it with them as a medical issue. If necessary, get them a nutritionist. But don't judge the kid, even after you've gotten a nutrition plan.

If the kid does have an issue following the plan, offer to go back to professional to discuss why it's hard and what they can do to help.