Be Your First Love

He can buy a door mat at Walmart . It's true. The woman often referred to as the five letter "B" word is often the woman getting respect. To be called that word should not have a negative connotation if it means advocating for self, wanting the best product for your money, not settling for mediocre mates, and being assertive about success.

Some years ago I got furious with my friend. Her exact words were Khalilah you are too nice. However, her words were exactly true. I was the one catering to friends in college without asking for anything. I was the taxicab if you were carless. I never asked for gas money. The list continues.

My carefree generous spirit was oftentimes taken advantage of. I had tons of friendships that were not reciprocal. All of my toxic friendships and relationships only equaled one word for me. The word is drained.

I clearly understand why God did things in my life. I graduated in December 2009 with my Masters Degree. I literally had four months experience in my field. I accepted a position as an Instructor Librarian. Four months later I was a Department Head.

I was really questioning God when he made nice little me a Department Head. However, it was a necessary exaltation in my life. I had to supervise people twice my age, sit on committees with people who had been in the field as long as I had been living, motivate employees to execute exhibits and projects on strict deadlines. They were all looking at me like why should I respect you.

The saga continued at my next employer. However, the people under me were near my age. It took some effort to show them that working together does not make me shine. Working together makes everyone shine. I was happy in that we coordinated a successful program together celebrating the reading accomplishments of deserving students.

Work experience transcended into my personal life. I finally understood the ways of man. I understood the importance of saying no. I had a new found assertiveness. I became exposed to more and developed different interests. Therefore, my circle and energy changed.

As our energy changes what we attract changes. I was no longer that girl being approached by a different guy daily. My aura said found woman versus searching woman. I was no longer thrilled by the same things. I walked away when a guy tried to impress me by asking for my number on a one hundred dollar bill. In my mind I was thinking the price tag equals priceless.

After my new found evolution some people couldn't deal with me. I reached a point where I could only deal with authenticity. I am truly at a point where I am living and happily dating. It took loving me first.

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Free expression was always instilled in Khalilah Hayes. At an early age she attended various community events. Her presence at these events created the foundation and ignited the passion for her to write. As it pertains to education she has a Bachelor's degree in Biology with a minor in Chemistry from FAMU. In addition she holds a Master's degree in Library and Information Studies from FSU. Additional information can be obtained at khalilah_hayes@yahoo.com