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Fri, Sep. 1st, 2006, 02:29 pm

cartographer alerted me to a spider in the kitchen last night. After some screaming and leaping around the place like a little girl (that was me - she was in the corner looking green) I managed to persuade it that it wanted to be in a pint glass while I took some pictures because it isn't every day you see a It sat quite happily on the bottom of the pint glass, a perfect fit - meaning it had a leg span of what? two, two and a half inches?

He seems less than pleased at this point, he wanted out.

Soon after he engaged me in a staring contest and won.

Lets get closer to the hairy, evil fucker.Nuff said.

Edit #1: Mr Wombat puts 1 + 1 together. cartographer arrives home from morocco or some hot bloody place yesterday night. Spider appears in house yesterday night. mr_wombat chucks the thing into the garden.cartographer Dude... I think maybe we threw some kind of moroccan elephant eating spider out into an ecosystem entirely new and different to the one it belongs in.Crap like this is why I prefer living in a cold country where you don't get big venomous bastards on a regular basis.

Edit #2: Some research into it would seem to indicate that it is in fact a regular, legitimate western european breed called simply the giant house spider OR another regular breed called the Hobo spider. The giant house spider is actually a good kind of spider in that it tends to keep the hobo spider (an asshole breed of spider) out of a house it is living in and keeps the general spider population quite low. The other side is of course that it hogs the shower in the morning and always uses the last of the milk.

Edit #3: Wow... the wolf spider (venomous but not fatal) also falls into the category of "Spiders that look astonishingly like this one. They're not aggressive though and this one tried to take my eyes so I'll stick with the giant house spider as the most likely culprit. At least until I find Monsieur Hedgehog's dried out husk of a corpse sitting in a giant web under cartographer's bedroom window.

No no, I ushered him out the door (which I will grant you was slammed shut immediately after him) and let him run free to devour any small dogs he came across.If however he is back in the house this evening (which I understand happens with spiders a lot if you're humane) there will be words exchanged.

You do. I on the other hand with my love of all things fire go on to save the day by finally mastering the art of lighting my booze laiden spit as I spray it from my mouth and use power tools as improvised projectile weapons.

Dude, Monsieur Hedgehog missed you. I didn't hear or see him once while you were away but the night before last, sure enough, he was rummaging through the bottles again, like he knew you'd be back. He was just making you feel welcome in his own hedgehoggy way.

you shoulda put something next to the glass for comparative reference.

also, I can hardly tell from the pictures so I can't say for sure, but wolf spiders have this, like, HUGE hairy moustache like || in front of them, looks like an old english guy who can't find his pipe. And a row of eyes like this on front: oOOo; the center eyes should be really big. This guy has more: oooo. Also, wolf spider eyes do that thing that cat's eyes do in the dark with a flashlight! I don't think you have a wolf spider, particularly because it was also aggressive - a wolf spider probably would've run from you right off. They're kind of cute, too. just DO NOT look under the moustache. You'll probably faint.

You wanna talk about freakness? Years ago I was at a laundromat and walked in... There was a wolf spider SO BIG on the linoleum that when he darted underneath some laundry machines YOU COULD HEAR HIS FEET CLICKING ON THE TILE. SKITTERCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKSKITTERSKITTER.

Also less freakish but even more frightening is the fact that 2 weeks ago I verified a black widow on my back porch - sitting on her god damn egg sac. If you dunno what one of those is, go look it up. I chased her away and destroyed the sac. I felt bad but, well, I don't want 2000 widow babies on my damn porch.

And finally, ask me sometime to find my collection of pictures of what happened when I got bit by a brown recluse, and when a friend of mine did. Hint: It was in 2003 and I just finished paying the hospital bill. He on the other hand didn't go to the hospital for > 6 months.