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Supportive parents of transgender kids are sparking a ‘gender revolution,’ research says

VANCOUVER—When 15-year-old Tru Wilson was a young kid, she was a feminine boy named “Tray.”

“My parents accepted me and thought ‘Oh that’s just Tray, he’s a very feminine boy and figuring himself out,’ ” she told StarMetro.

Tru Wilson, right, with her mother Michelle Wilson. Tru is transgender. She and her mom speak publicly about their experiences in hopes of helping other families and trans people. (Jennifer Gauthier for StarMetro)

SFU professor Ann Travers is the author of a new book about how trans kids and their parents are starting a gender revolution. (Jennifer Gauthier for StarMetro)

But as Wilson got older, her femininity got stronger. Her dad was worried she’d be bullied, so when Tray was eight, her mom did some research and found a documentary on trans kids.

“She showed it to me and was like ‘this is a thing, are you this thing?’ ” Wilson recalled. “Once the documentary ended, I broke down crying, and was like ‘This is me, do you still love me?’ ”

Her mom told her, “ ‘Yes, of course we still love you.’ ” She then took Wilson shopping for feminine clothing.

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Wilson was 9 when she began transitioning to presenting as a girl, and in the years that followed, she and her family have become vocal advocates in the trans-rights movement. In fact, they made headlines in 2013 when they filed a human-rights complaint against Vancouver’s Catholic school board when it refused to accept Wilson as a girl.

New research out of Simon Fraser University shows parents and kids like the Wilsons are today injecting power into the trans-rights movement.

Ann Travers, a transgender professor in sociology and anthropology who spent five years researching this issue, details the new findings in a book called The Trans Generation: How Trans Kids (and Their Parents) are Creating a Gender Revolution.

“For the longest time, transgender kids hid in the shadows, if they were able to,” said Travers, who also noted that some visibly non-gender-conforming trans kids were never able to hide.

Elizabeth Saewyc, head of UBC School of Nursing and a lead researcher on transgender youth health, said the majority of kids know their gender at a very young age. Increasingly, she said, trans people are coming out when they’re kids and teenagers, rather than waiting until they have more independence as an adult.

Travers found this is happening thanks to a combination of increased visibility of trans adults, and parents who are listening to their kids.

Michelle Wilson, Tru’s mom, listened.

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“When we chose to support our daughter, she completely blossomed,” Michelle recalled. “To know that it was safe for her to be herself, she was able to really open up and embrace who she was.”

But when Wilson’s school principal handed Michelle a letter from a lawyer, saying the school wouldn’t accept Wilson as a girl based on religious beliefs, everything changed.

“That’s when we realized that it wasn’t going to be as easy as we had hoped and all of the fears that we’d had about her rejection in society became very important,” Michelle said.

Travers’ research found the majority of transgender kids are invisible because they live in families, neighbourhoods or school communities where the consequences of coming out would be awful — so they remain silent and don’t express their true gender.

Of the trans kids who are out, the majority come from privileged families.

“The trans kids we’re seeing tend to be relatively privileged because they have parental support,” Travers said. “They tend to be disproportionately middle- and upper-class because their parents have access to more resources to support them, not because white middle class people are more open — they’re not.”

Travers found mothers are going into schools and fighting for trans kids’ rights, getting lawyers involved if needed, and reaching out to the media.

Michelle, for example, got connected to Vancouver’s LGBTQ community and found a lawyer to help file a human-rights complaint against the Catholic Independent Schools Vancouver Archdiocese. She and her family appeared in the media, and ultimately their work helped to achieve the result of the school board adopting a new policy to accommodate trans kids.

These middle-class parents of trans kids — the majority of whom are white, heterosexual mothers — are seen as more “respectable” by society than the trans adults who’ve been advocating on behalf of trans kids for years, Travers said, adding this is because trans adults have been inaccurately characterized as sexual predators, and have been seen as a threat to children, rather than advocates.

For Travers, it’s a difficult reality

“I have mixed feelings about it ... I’m really troubled to live in a society where relative wealth and whiteness gives one greater ability to advocate for the vulnerable.

Travers’s research shows activist moms of trans kids aren’t just looking out for their own kids.

“Many have formed alliances with transgender people and other community organizations, and they’re looking out for transgender people in general,” Travers said.

Michelle, for example, speaks at various events for teachers, families and community members and supports her daughter in doing the same. About once a month, Michelle said she hears from a parent whose kid has just come out as trans, and she takes the time to speak with them. Last year, the Wilson family was invited to be grand marshals at Vancouver’s Pride Parade in honour of their work for trans rights.

It’s not only white moms, Travers said. Parents of colour and dads are also involved, and the trans-led advocacy organizations have helped these parents educate themselves.

Not all trans kids come from privilege, and we can’t forget about them, Travers added. Many of the less-privileged young people are not only harmed by transphobia, but often by racism, poverty, and colonialism.

A starting point for supporting the still-invisible trans kids is to stop dividing kids for activities based on sex and gender, Travers said. “You don’t know it, but it puts them in crisis.”

Mixed-gender sports teams, gender-neutral bathrooms, and a culture that supports kids dressing however they want, makes the kids who are unsure about their gender, or who are non-binary, feel accepted and included.

Saewyc agreed adults can better support trans kids by being mindful of segregation.

For trans or gender-non-conforming youth, “Every time communities divide kids up,” she said, “That creates a bit of pain and sometimes a lot of pain.”

Travers said as society becomes more open and welcoming to transgender and non-binary people, more of them will feel comfortable being out, and society at large will have greater freedom to explore gender.

“Many people who are more or less comfortable with the sex that they were assigned (at birth) will also find greater room for identity and expression.”

Tessa Vikander is a Vancouver-based reporter covering identity and inequality. Follow her on Twitter: @tessavikander

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