Sharing Inspiring Self-Help Wisdom By Author, Marilyn Fowler

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Advice

Recently I was sitting outside watching leaves fall from the big oak trees, and I saw the first blossoms on my camellia bushes revel in the sunshine. A baby lizard ran behind the patio chair, and I heard birds talking bird language celebrating our early spring. I live in Florida, and we never know when an unpredictable weather change will arrive. So we go with the flow and welcome the beautiful change when it comes.

As I watched this change unfolding in nature, I thought aboutour own livesand the positive and negative changes we experience all the time. When life is going good, we coast along in the ‘status quo’ and don’t want anything to rock our boat. Then there are times we pray for or initiate a change to move us out of the mess we’re in. Change is a law of the universe. Things are always moving, repositioning, increasing and decreasing, or taking a different form. And nothing stands still.

“There are two types of change: the change we choose and the change that chooses us.” ~ Linda Ellerbee

Some changes are so subtle we don’t even notice them happening. In the midst of a dull brain fog, I may notice a tremendous idea that quietly crept in. Or I’m amazed at how quickly dust accumulates on the furniture. It wasn’t there yesterday. But other devastating changes may hit suddenly, and these can affect our health, work, finances, relationships, any part of our life. Sometimes we have options, and we can choose what we want to change. But other times we’re forced to accept what we don’t want. And that’s life.

Changes may be easy or difficult, but either way, you could run into some inner obstacles. With a commitment to release something and create something new, you may feel overwhelmed. How canyou let go of what’s familiar and learn a new way? Or maybe you cling to an uncomfortable situation because you fear the unknown. And resistance sets in. Or you might experience the loss of someone or something good in your life, and you have to make painful changes to adjust.

“In the waves of change, we find our true direction.” ~ Unknown

Change is inevitable, sometimes with unpredictable outcomes. We’re constantly being moved along our path with no two moments the same, and we can’t live in our status quo for long. Life is aboutgrowth, and we can’t grow with our feet in mud from the last rain. The new rain has new puddles. Maybe it’s time for new puddles.“All that you touch you change. All that you change changes you.” ~Octavia Butler

Examine various issues in your life, maybe feelings, an attitude, a situation. Observe the bigger picture of yourself and your life, and imagine how you want it to be. Then decide if you’d like to release something, change for the better, or create something new. There’s no need to feel overwhelmed, afraid to change, or resistant to it. Everything you need is within you, and awareness supplies courage to make changes you might want. And if you feel now that your status quo is fine with you, just love yourself and be prepared for changes in the future. Remember change is inevitable.

Recently I came across a poem I’ve had for many years, and it reminds me of changes I’ve experienced in my life. The poem is quite revealing.

I wanted to take a few moments before I put my next post up to say; “THANK YOU!” I reached a new milestone here on my WordPress blog of 500+ LIKES and I could not be more HAPPY about that. I know it is mainly because of all of YOU who have taken the time out of your day to come visit, read and YOU made this happen. It does make me feel good to know that I am hopefully helping others live a full and happy life with the “Ole Wisdom” this 80+ something woman has gained through the years!

I do enjoy sharing my thoughts, hope, and life experiences with you. I do love reading others as we all share together, it seems to make this world a little more kind and we all move forward in a positive direction together. So please don’t be afraid to voice your comments as I do enjoy them.

I apologize for this article being late, but I just came through a mountain of my own, and it took a while to catch up. I hope you enjoy this reading. Maybe it will sound familiar.

Many blessings to all.

“You are not IN the mountains. The mountains are in YOU.” ~John Muir

Life is a series of the good times that warm our heart and put a smile on our face, or times so painful we wonder if we’ll survive, and all those in-between times we call routine. We hope for the good ones, but sometimes we’re faced with sudden challenges that knock us off our routine path. Each of us is on our own unique journey, and whatever is on one path may not be on another. we never know what each tomorrow will bring. But we’re all faced with something, some time. And we all have our mountains to move.
Pain comes on many levels. Some situations nullify your plans like when you’re ready for work and your car has a flat, or you receive notice you didn’t pay your mortgage, or you forget to register your kid for summer day camp, etc. Others can mean life-shattering devastation like sudden illness, loss of a job, a death of a loved one, financial loss, the list goes on. Some experiences are extremely hard while others seem less demanding, but whatever the severity, life pushes us to learn and grow from each experience.

How do you respond when a challenge hits?Maybe the first thought is to panic with a ‘what if’attitude. What if I’m late for work; what if this ruins my credit; what if my kid thinks I forgot because I don’t care. Or more serious, what if I don’t get well; what if I can’t find another job; what if I can’t find peace; what if I lose everything. Our attention is usually so turned toward the outside, we often don’t listen to what’s going on inside. Are you thinking fear, lack, I can’t do it, or any other defeating notion? These thoughts may be your biggest mountains, and only you can move them.

“When you focus on faith rather than fear, you tap into a strength to carry you over even the tallest mountains.” ~ Gail Lynne Goodwin

Challenges in our life are teaching experiences, and every mountain serves a purpose. They present opportunities to discover something we need on our journey. And they help us realize our strength in overcoming. Turn your mind from fear to faith, and deny that any self-defeating beliefs have power over you. Then replace them with the truth. “There is nothing to fear, I have everything I need, I have faith in the Power within to move mountains, and I have faith in myself to be guided and strengthened. I can do it.” Give these ideas positive energy, and they will manifest in positive ways.
As you build on your faith, move away from worries, and move toward a solution. Step back, and gauge the size of the mountain you’re facing. There’s a saying, “Don’t make mountains out of molehills.” How big is your mountain really? It might be just a little hill to step over. Size up the mountain, and create a plan. Ask, “How big is it, and what can I do about it? What are the consequences if I can’t fix it? Where can I find help if I need it?” Etc. Accept where you are, and voice your intention to move forward.

“The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.” ~Confucius

Don’t feel like you have to hurry through this. Someone once told me that when you’re working with a life challenge, remember it’s a process, and you have to allow it to unfold in its time, as you’re doing what’s yours to do. She also said that each time we overcome a challenge, something insidechanges, and we’re better for it. So take the time you need to move your mountain, and welcome the change within yourself.

“For every mountain, there is a miracle.” ~Robert H. Schuller

Moving mountains isn’t easy. It takes practice and patience, knowing that each overcoming moves you closer to being more of what you’re meant to be. And if there’s something you can’t get past right now, it’s okay. You haven’t failed. Celebrate the mountains you’ve moved, and be grateful for those you haven’t. They’re part of your journey and will serve a purpose. Their time will come. And youare blessed.

“Sometimes you have to look back in order to understand the things that lie ahead.” ~Yvonne Woon

As we think of the year ahead, we remember last year and what we want to bring with us and what we want to leave behind…and how many times we’ve made that same transition. Maybe we realize our minds and hearts are not time bound.All the years are connected, and nostalgia takes us back to years past, other times, people, and places. We may begin a new journey, but our past is part of us. And from time to time we cross the bridge to yesterday.
It’s one thing to remember an experience, but another to relive your thoughts and feelings from that experience. The word ‘nostalgia’ explains this phenomenon. Merriam-Webster describes homesickness, a wistful or excessively sentimental yearning for return to some past period or irrecoverable condition. Cambridge English Dictionary says a feeling of pleasure and sometimes sadness at the same time as you think about things that happened in the past. A bittersweet yearning for a past experience.

“Looking back and learning will enable you to move forward.” ~Eileen Brown

Many times I’ve heard it said, “Don’t look back. If you look back, you can’t move forward. Leave it all back there, and move on.” That attitude may be feasible in some situations. But I don’t believe it’sgenerally workable, because many of your decisions today are based on something you learned in your past. Every day is preparation for the next one.
Nostalgia can serve a purpose in your life with opportunities to reach forgotten parts of you, maybe parts you need to feel again. In the nostalgic state, you can re-experience happiness from other times, or share again with loved ones, or re-visit childhood laughter that releases current burdens and stress. Or your nostalgic experiences might furnish a second chance to correct past mistakes when you fell short of intentions, or you failed to say kind words someone needed to hear, or you haven’t forgiven someone…or yourself. Or you might learn more about dealing with bittersweet experiences when they fill your heart with sadness.

These are not just memories. You feel every second of nostalgic experiences. Pain lies in wanting to go back, see people and places again, be in what you may feel was a better place. You smile and yearn to relive the happy times. You cry and long to hug those who are gone. You may think of ways to correct your mistakes. And you realize that yesterday is as much a part of your life as is tomorrow. It all belongs on your journey.

As I’ve grown older, I find I miss the old times more. I remember an Alaskan cruise with dear friends, a cross-country trip with my best buddy who is gone now, dancing to exhaustion, jumping into a pool from the high diving board with all my clothes on, and holding my sides with laughter at a friend’s silly joke. I also remember seeing my mother right after she died, and saying words to her I wished I’d said sooner. And other sad times that bring tears. But even happy ones can be bittersweet, because they’re gone. But re-visit is what our minds do.

“When you finally go back to your old home, you find it wasn’t the old home you missed but your childhood.” ~Sam Ewing

Sometimes what we think we’re missing is not really what we’re missing. For instance, your longing for your childhood home may create quite a surprise. You hear it’s empty now, so you return and tour the house. But as you move around inside, what captures your attention is not the house at all, but the childhood you’re missing. This actually happened to me, and when I found my old house, my heart ached remembering and missing that child and the family who shared the home.

Yes, your past is part of your present and your future. Where you’ve been, helps you decide where you want to go. And periods of nostalgia bring it all together. The happy, the sad, and the lessons teach us along the way. And we’re better for it.

Like this:

Now that the holidays are here, is there someone in your life who gets on your nerves and annoys you to the point of frustration? Maybe your boss, co-worker, neighbor, friend, life partner? Most people know someone like this. If you do, then you know that uncomfortable feeling that bubbles beneath the surface and drives you up a wall.

Years ago I worked in a pharmacy with a verbally abusive boss. Then one day I exploded, and we had a yelling fight across the store. I thought for sure I’d be fired. But when I carried my loud voice behind his counter, he was doubled up with laughter. I yelled, “What the hell are you laughing at?” With a wide grin, he answered, “I wondered how long it would take you to stand up for yourself.Bout time.” After that, he treated me with respect, and we ended up with a good relationship. However, I wouldn’t recommend my behavior to anyone. Don’t yell at your boss.

“People may hear your words, but they feel your attitude.” ~Unknown

Over time, I’ve learned better ways to improve my own response to people who push my buttons. There’s room for change on both sides. First look at your own responses, and honestly question any hangups that may precipitate or contribute to the other person’s behavior. Am I being unreasonable? Do I expect too much? Do I respond from my own insecurity? Is there something to me that needs to change? Look for answers, and make necessary changes if you need to. If you feel comfortable talking to the other person, do it. If not, there are other ways to bring about change.
One time I worked with a team of people and our Supervisor’s answers to the others were usually ‘yes’, but always ‘no’ to me, sometimes with a somewhat hostile attitude. I was confused and made every effort to please. But no change. Then I went to my Minister for help, and she recommended the following exercise. I used it each day, and in about a month, I saw changes with my Supervisor. Eventually, we became friends, and I valued her friendship.

Recommended Exercise:Your goal is to change the negative energy between you to positive energy, thus changing the behaviors.
1. Take a deep breath, close your eyes, and imagine looking at the other person.
2. Then say, “I love you, I bless you, I release you to your highest good.”
3. Now take another deep breath, and let go. Let go. Let go.

When you say these words, you’re sending the other person a love your neighbor type of love–the kind that’s wired in us to love others. At first, you may not feel these words, so saying them may be difficult. But you’re affirming blessings in their life, and you’re releasing them, and ultimately yourself, from negative energy between you. So say the words anyway. In most cases, this exercise does work if you stay with it. And you might just find the peace you long for between you.

“You can’t change someone who doesn’t see an issue in their actions.” ~Unknown

Not everyone is going to cooperate and make the change you want in your relationship. And it may be someone you can’t or don’t want to release from your life. But you don’t have to remain on the receiving end of their inappropriate behavior. Set boundaries with a plan to avoid emotional disturbance from a difficult person.

Boundary Examples:“I will be caring and considerate of your feelings; I will use yes or no whenneeded, and mean it; I will listen when you’re talking to me, but will walk away if your words or manner are hurtful; etc, etc. And I will grant you the same courtesies.” Create and present the plan appropriate to the person involved, such as your boss at work, your life partner, whoever, etc.

“A miracle is a shift in perception from fear to love.” ~Marianne Williamson

Some people have a fear of losing control and will resist change. So if someone refuses your miracle, then honor it yourself as much as possible. You’re a special person with a right to peace and love in your life. Go for it, and be happy.I wish you peace created between the both you.

Clutter in our outer world is tangible things with visual color and texture you can touch. But the inside stuff rolls around in your head and heart, and you carry it with you every day. You wake in the morning, and it beckons your attention. And if you’re an inside clutterer, you answer its call.

“If it can be solved, there’s no need to worry, and if it can’t be solved worry is of no use.” ~Dalai Lama

Like outer clutter, inner clutter occurs in different amounts and intensity. At best, you might experience occasional worry like rushing to catch a bus when you oversleep or forget to cancel an appointment, etc. For those, you might fret and say a few choice words, but then deal with it and not let it become an unnecessary burden. Then more intense is worry over one main issue you just can’t release a lost relationship or a mistake you can’t go back and correct. And your strong feelings hold it to you. You see no resolution, and you can’t stop obsessing over it every day.
The most troublesome situation is when multiple issues build up inside with focus on many painful feelings that won’t stop. And they become a source of daily rumination without resolution. Oryou retain feelings from the past like sorrow, regret, anger, etc. And a trigger like a song or a sudden memory can create an ongoing reaction. You can even get into, “What if this happens, or what if that happens,” before anything worrisome happens. Inner clutter fills your thoughts, and you feel there’s no way out.

Outer clutter in our surroundings influences the way we feel. But it doesn’t require constant attention, and daily activities furnish a respite. Inner clutter is a different phenomenon. Your thoughts are part of you. And for a person who’s caught up in a daily battle with obsessive thinking, the relentless invasion of worrisome thoughts can reach down to the soul and leave them anxious, depressed, and exhausted. Just living day to day becomes a challenge.

“Non-resistance is the greatest power in the Universe.” ~Eckhart Tolle

When mental clutter piles up, you try to make it stop. But it won’t budge. You try pushing it out of your mind, but it gets stronger. And you push harder. So it goes, over and over. Well, there’s a saying, “Resistance breeds persistence.” And it does. So stop resisting. Once you let it be, you can get to ways that will release it and bring you peace. And there are ways to do that.

First, give yourself permission to release the clutter. Then voice your intention to stop obsessing, and verbalize a vow to break loose. Be firm.

Prepare with self-talk, and speak to your thoughts with love as often as needed. Repeat,“I’ve been approaching problems with worry, and that doesn’t work. I’m smart enough to handle whatever needs my attention and let the rest go. And thoughts, I don’t need you now. I’m taking charge, and we’re going to be happy.”

“If it doesn’t nourish your soul, get rid of it.” ~Unknown

Consider the difference between worry and concern. Worry is clutter, it doesn’t solve problems. Concern implies relevance and importance and is a valid place to begin releasing the clutter. So list everything you’re worried about, and rate each item by how relevant and important it is and how much you ‘need’ to be concerned about it…0 being not at all, and 10 being a lot. Then choose items you can solve without worry.“A miracle is a shift in perception from fear to love.” ~Marianne Williamson

Imagine a large balloon, and drop items you’re releasing into the balloon. Seal the top, and wave goodbye with forgiveness and love as you watch it float upward and disappear into the sky. Feel your shoulders lighten and your mind clear. Now you have nourished your soul.
It may take additional efforts to finally stop cluttering your mind. But continue the clearing procedure as needed, and your mind will eventually develop a ‘stop button’. And you can truly be free. A long time ago, ongoing efforts worked for me, and I’m grateful.

Ten years ago as I watched the miners in Chile being rescued from underground, I couldn’t help thinking about other kinds of dark pits that we humans experience–the kind we can’t see or touch, but just as frightening–a place called depression. It seems as I have read from others it is like being lost in a black abyss with no way out.

I am also sure there are times when everyone feels a degree of depression. It’s part of our human experience. But some feel it down to a desperate place of soul suffering. Just as no one can fully understand the pain those miners went through, no one can fully understand the pain of depression unless they’ve been there, ‘been through it’ so to speak. But the darkness, fear, and despair can be equally painful. And being in a dark pit seems like an appropriate analogy.

“Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.” ~John Wooden

As long as we’re in the human condition, we’re exposed to painful experiences–some on the outside, some on the inside, and some in both. But with depression, no matter the source of the pain, it seems to hurt everywhere. It can actually immobilize us to a state of inertia where it feels like a permanent condition from which there is no escape.

“Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.” ~Helen Keller

But just as those brave miners escaped, there is hope for those who know the prison of depression. There is in each of us a will to live. It’s our greatest gift–the key to freedom. We can use it if we search and find it. One step is one step closer to abundant life, and the first step could be the intention.

“A good intention clothes itself in power.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

In part two, I’ll talk about some steps we can take to crawl out of the dark pit. There is a way out, even if we can’t see it when we’re at the bottom. The light is there.