If you have issues with anger or are dealing with someone who does, this is the place to come to for understanding and tips.
If you argue or fight, now you can learn how to resolve your differences peacefully and permanently.
Dealing with a difficult person? I can show you how to calm them down and gain their cooperation.
It's all quite simple, really.

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

4 SIMPLE RULES FOR A HAPPY LIFE

Most people I know want to be happy. I say most because there some who are really miserable
and seem content remaining that way. They resist every opportunity for joy and
find excuses to stay stuck in their gloom. Although I believe that deep down
inside every human being desires happiness, I also believe that some feel they
are either undeserving or that it is unattainable for them. Some wallow in self-pity
keeping them trapped in their own unhappiness. They become so comfortable in
their ways of thinking and living that although it may be painful for them it
is all they know. It's like poverty: some accept that there is no way out and
resign themselves to their dismal fate.

Happiness is our Divine right; it is our natural state of
being. We were not created nor intended to suffer. While brief moments of
sadness enter everyone's lives, misery is self imposed. It is the direct result
of a prolonged obsession with what is not right in our lives or not working
according to our beliefs and desires. We focus on what is lacking rather than what
we have, what we can be grateful for, and what is going smoothly and according
to our plans.

Being happy is not complicated nor difficult. Follow these
four simple guidelines and watch your happiness index soar!

1. Remove all expectations. In doing so, you will avoid
disappointment and anger.

We all have certain expectations in life. We presume that
people will behave appropriately according to our standards; that life should
be fair; that if one works hard they will achieve their goals; if youtreat others with respect it will be
reciprocated and so on. While expectations are normal, the more we impose them
on others, ourselves and the world, the more we set ourselves up to be
disappointed. And disappointment easily converts to hurt, frustration, and/or
anger. Very often what we are seeking from others is unrealistic or unfair. We
trust that as our children mature they will hold on to the beliefs we instilled
in them when they were younger. Those who rebel against them let us down and we
become fearful that their lives will be substandard, as the foundation we laid
for them appears to have been weakened. We may also experience pain that their
rejection of our parenting and values is a poor reflection on us. Many families
have experienced tension based on a child's perceived disloyal choices.

We also believe that the adult population should be reliable
and when they fall short, we are hurt and disillusioned. A person's
trustworthiness is dependent upon many factors: their level of maturity, the
nature of their relationship with you, the nature of the issue at hand,
changing circumstances beyond their control, and other factors. Not interested
in their excuses or valid reasons, we judge them as deceitful and become angry
with them.

However, much of what we are seeking is simply out of
alignment with reality. We ask far too much of
ourselves, others and even of the world in general. Re examining our
expectations, removing those that are unfair, lessening others to a more
realistic level or eliminating them altogether will greatly decrease the stress
in our lives and allow for happiness to evolve.

2. Accept life and others as is.

We all know that we are not intended to change anyone, nor
is it actually possible as we all have free will to make our own decisions in
life. However, even those with good intentions subconsciously attempt to
manipulate others into being something or someone other than who they are or to
convince them to change their ways and behave in a manner more acceptable to us.
Those who are confident with themselves or who may be just plain stubborn will
not comply, leaving one feeling helpless and disheartened. Reminding oneself
that it is not our responsibility to change anyone but to simply accept them as
they are, we can experience greater peace and happiness. This acceptance,
however, does not imply that we must maintain a relationship with those whose
lifestyles pose harm to us in some way.

It's also crucial to allow life to unfold naturally. Humans,
generally speaking, want to control their lives, what happens and when, and the
course it takes. However, control is an illusion (with the exception of
controlling that which is internal: our thoughts, feelings, and ultimately our
[external] choices). There are an infinite number of factors that influence the
direction our lives will take and what does and doesn't occur. Rather than try
to force life to conform to our dictates, allow it to be what it is. Go with
the flow. Make your decisions but be more willing to accept what occurs,
embrace that which works and release that which doesn't. You will have far less
angst in your life if you can do this.

3. Release what doesn't work for you and move on.

Life doesn't always complywith our demands. We don't always realize the precise outcome we were hoping
for. Some of what occurs in life does not appear to be beneficial for us as
well. If we are unable to make the necessary changes we are seeking, simply
release the situation or event without anger or judgment and move on. Putting
forth effort to force into existence that which may not be meant to be is both
exhausting and oftentimes futile. Letting go of a car which has proven to be a lemon is easier than continually
investing time, effort, and money into repairing something that has limited
value.

This applies to people as well. Sometimes we hold on to
relationships long after their usefulness has expired. I'm certainly not
suggesting that we use people for our own benefit, then discard them when they no
longer serve a purpose. What I am recommending is that some relationships are
toxic, others are not meant to last a lifetime, others only enter our lives only
for a specific purpose and must then leave. I value people and my relationships
with them above most everything else in life. However, it is imperative that we
graciously release back to God those which are negative, draining, dangerous, or
currently hopeless. It's like cleaning out our closets: when we let go of what
no longer fits, we are free to invite healthier, more suitable people into our
circle of acquaintances.

4. Refrain from trying to change anything or anyone other
than yourself.

People expend enormous amounts of time, energy, and
resources trying to fix, save, improve or completely overhaul others. To
believe we have the right or the responsibility to change anyone is arrogant
and self-righteous. Every human being has a God-given right to be who they are
and to live life to the best of their abilities; to learn what they need to
learn in their own time frame and way; to make their own mistakes without fear
of ridicule or condemnation; to be
accepted, valued, and loved exactly as they are.

Generally speaking, people try to change others from a place
of concern for the other's well-being. We see someone making foolish or
dangerous mistakes and we want to protect them, to spare them any unnecessary
harm or suffering. We try to impose our methods or beliefs on them. However,
one size does not fit all. What works for one may not be suitable for the other.
And by interfering, we may rob that person of exactly what they need to
experience for the fulfillment of their Divine Purpose.

The message we send others when trying to change them is
that they are not ok nor good enough the way they are. However, in our
greatness we will fix that, correct any flaws and make dramatic improvements to
who they are and the quality of their lives. And of course, once the
transformation has been completed, the renovated one will forever sing our praises
for our selfless actions, she said facetiously.

Still, there are some who try to change others purely for
selfish reasons. It might make life easier or more enjoyable for the one
imposing the change if the other were improved upon, i.e. made different. Or
perhaps it is to gain a sense of power and dominance over the other. It may
also be to try and make oneself appear to be a caring and intelligent person,
raising their status above the other, making themselves appear superior to the one
who is flawed.

However, each one of us is born with intellect (the ability
to think and rationalize) and free will (the ability to make our own
decisions). Therefore, while it may appear that we have caused a change in the
other party, in truth it is a personal choice made of their own volition. We
had no power over them at all. Time spent trying to improve others would best
be served working on improving oneself. We have more than enough imperfections
in need of correcting and we are the only ones responsible for doing so. Therefore,
work exclusively on the self and offer your own transformation as inspiration
to others to follow that will ultimately suit their own agenda.

One
of my favorite quotes is from the Dalai Lama: "Every single being, even those who are hostile to us, is just as afraid of suffering as we are and seeks happiness in the same way we do. Every person has the same right as we do to be happy and not to suffer. So let us take care of others wholeheartedly of both our friends and our enemies. This is the basis for true compassion."

To recap: Four Simple Rules For A Happy Life:

1. Remove all expectations.

2. Accept life and others as is.

3. Release what doesn't work for you and move on.

4. Refrain from trying to change anything or anyone other
than yourself.

When you have accomplished this you will find lasting
happiness and inner peace.

Q: Acceptance of those
things which we cannot or should not change allow us to live in peace and
harmony.

OrderThe
Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

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About Me

Janet Pfeiffer, international motivational speaker and award-winning author has appeared on CNN, Lifetime, ABC News, The 700 Club, NBC News, Fox News, The Harvest Show, Celebration, TruTV and much more. She is a contributor to Ebru Today TV and hosts her own radio show, Anger 911, on www.w4cy.com.
Her latest book is the highly acclaimed The Secret Side of Anger and is endorsed by NY Times bestselling author, Dr. Bernie Siegel.
A consultant to corporations including AT&T, U.S. Army, U.S. Postal Service and Hoffman-LaRoche, Janet is NJ State certified in domestic violence, an instructor at a battered women’s shelter and founder of The Antidote to Anger Group. She specializes in anger management, conflict resolution and bullying. Janet is a member of EAPA, MVP and Vision in Motion Speaker’s Bureaus and Network Plus.
Janet@PfeifferPowerSeminars.com
www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com.