Across-the-Board (acrosstheboardblog.com)

This entertainment blog showcases crazy news, pictures, and celebrity gossip. Occasionally, I talk about my life as well. Consider it slapdash if you will, I prefer to describe my actions as... Across the Board. Updated whenever I feel like it.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

I’d call this a stupid human trick.

Teacher has sex with student, the catch: the student was dating her daughter.

A middle school teacher in has been fired and the sheriff is investigating claims she had sex with a 13-year-old student.

The 38-year-old woman was a substitute at Prescott Middle School. The student's father said he found the two having a middle of the night rendezvous together at the teacher's home after the boy stole his mother's car.

Sources said the woman's husband and 13-year-old daughter were home at the time. The father filed a restraining order which claims the two had sexual intercourse. He said he has copies of e-mails between the two.

Zach Simones, who coached the 13-year-old boy on the seventh grade football team, said he is sickened by the incident. "He was dating the lady's 13-year-old daughter before this happened," said Simones.

The woman taught at both the middle and high schools, but the superintendent said his investigation has turned up no other students who were involved with this woman. » Article here

[pretty funny] the hot five

You call that a trick? Have him get me a beer.

Men are more likely to look at a female's face before they look at their boobs?

Men are more likely to look at a female's face before gazing at other body parts, according to a new study by researchers at Emory University.

And when men and women look at pictures of heterosexual sex, women look longer at the photos than men do, according to the study published in the journal Hormones and Behavior.

Both findings may run contrary to what most people think, but they shed light on sexual attitudes that really aren't all that mysterious when considered in a scientific light, said psychologist Kim Wallen of Emory.

Women can tell by looking at naked men whether the guys are in the mood, Wallen said, but women's bodies don't reveal much.Which is why men home in on their faces. "It's cryptic, but facial expression is one way of showing an indication of interest in and enjoyment of sex," Wallen said. » Full article here

15-year-old who has had sex over 500 times

[semi-clever commercial] the train tracks

62-year-old attacked by bobcat, however he kicked it's ass.

A 62-year-old man said he is glad he followed his instincts when a rabid bobcat attacked him when he took out the trash in the morning. A bobcat bit Dale Rippy in the abdomen and scratched him on his arms and legs.

Rippy stopped the attack by choking the bobcat. Animal Control took away the animal, which later tested positive for rabies. Rippy was placed on medication. He also received shots. "If that cat had attacked a child, it would've been really bad. It wouldn't have quit," said Rippey. » Article here

Damn, that's one long wedding dress.

Teen steals a fire truck and drives it around for fun

A teen thought it would be fun to steal a fire truck. Michael Bellamy, 17, has been charged with stealing the $500,000 truck. Bellamy would help wash the fire trucks before, but this time told authorities he stole one just for fun.

Bellamy took the truck on Saturday after police said he tricked firefighters into leaving the vehicle in the parking lot and called 911 to get them out of the fire station. He then drove it several miles with lights flashing and sirens blaring. His joy ride ended when the truck got stuck in sand at a construction site. Bellamy was charged with grand theft and making a false 911 call. He was taken to a juvenile assessment center. » Article here

This music video is so creepy it's awesome.

Photoworthy: worm in the road

Dude steals rattlesnake, then snake attacks him

A man was in an Orlando hospital, Monday, with a poisonous snake bite. Deputies said a rattlesnake, which the man stole, was the one that bit him.

Sumter County deputies said they've never seen anything like it before. One snake expert said, before you steal something, read the sign on the cage: "Danger, venomous reptiles. Authorized personnel only. Do not enter."

You can't get much simpler than that. But, deputies said, 20-year old Jonathon Lafever ignored the warning. Detectives said, after Lafever stole the snakes, he wound up at a Wal-Mart with blood all over his shirt, trying to buy some new clothes.

"His left index finger was already changing color, already getting a dark tint to it," said Lt. Bobby Caruthers, Sumter County Sheriff's Office. Deputies found the snakes in the trunk of Lafever's car. Keszey said the suspect bled, because venom has an agent in it that stops blood from clotting. » Article here

‘The Dramatic Look’ (slightly stupid, yet funny)

Dude threatens to kill entire jury and their families

Hemmed in by six court and correction officers, Richard Glawson, his jaw set, pleaded not guilty yesterday to new charges that include the threatened slaughter of a jury.“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I’ll kill all of you if you find me guilty of any one charge, and that goes for your family, too,” the 46-year-old hissed in court last month, according to prosecutors.The same jurors he barked at convicted him of multiple charges stemming from a weeklong crime spree in 2001. He will serve up to 45 years in state prison, but that sentence won’t even begin until he finishes up to 20 years on related charges on which he was separately convicted.

He is further charged with using restraints to break a window in the court cell where he made mosaic art out of two bologna and cheese sandwiches. » Article here

"So is a unicorn just a horse that has one horn sticking out of its head? Oh."

"I’d rather massage a chick with pudding."

"We’re getting a cat and we’re naming it taint."

"You should send her a text message and say that you want to rub her down with
applebutter"

"Never send a girl carnations unless you want her to say, 'Crap, I got
carnations.'"

"I've decided photos of girls on boats are sexier than photos of girls on the
beach."

"I’m worried that I’m going to run out of people to ask to be friends on Facebook."

"Eat it with your hands it's tomato-saucy!"

"I hate when movies try to make food visually stimulating."

"She's been living for 16 years in KY jelly./Yeah, that can't be good on your
eyebrows"

"I think pregnant ladies are scary"

"I think we should wait till it's late./When we get back it will be late./Exactly"

"The party is at Jerry's Bait Shop! OH-OH"

"I can't, I have to start studying for a final I have in two days... and I haven't even
taken the book out of the saran wrap."

"I don’t have to ask her for permission, I just have to persuade her to let me."

"You should have paddled him with your penis at his wedding!"

"Jeez-la-weez!"/Did you really just say Jeez-la-weez?"

"Listen here bucko!/Did you really just say bucko?"

"[Ramsey barges into Paul’s house and interrupts a group of people watching a serious
movie with the lights dimmed], “Paul you’re such a damn liar, and you smell like ham” –
Drunk Ramsey after the Rascal Flatts concert

"(calling me from the casino buffet) Dude -- quit screen your calls, I wanted to tell
you about the crazy amount of food I ate, I seriously, you’re probably going to think this
is an exaggeration but it’s not. [excited] I ate two steaks, probably about 35 shrimp, a
thing of carved turkey, a baked potato crab, a crab rangoon, some fried rice, two rolls, and
a teeny piece of pie at the end. Fucking most food I’ve ever eaten -- this place is fuckin’
[short pause] we have got to start coming here on Thursdays! Anyways, I’ll be home in a
little bit, later bye."

"Birth control is the best invention ever... [pause], so are condoms"

"So I've been thinking of taking up smoking as a hobby..."

"You would of been funny in the 80's"

"I wonder what T.J. Ford is up to?"

"You made out with him because you wanted to feel his suede jacket? That's awesome."