Another thing I’ve learned during the past year and a half is the value of finding healthy ways to cope with stress and the emotional issues related to it. It’s easy to fall into bad habits, which can make things worse by putting you in a self-defeating cycle that put your health (mental and physical) and relationships at risk. Here are some ways I’ve found to cope with the days and times that try your soul: 1. Exercise. This is the #1 way I’ve found to work off stress and to help me relax. I feel better mentally and physically when I get on the exercise bicycle or walk regularly. I also find that I sleep better, I have more energy, I feel stronger, and I don’t tend to get sick with every passing virus so easily. It’s definitely better and better for you than a pill or a drink. 2. Writing.Blurry was written based on recurrent dreams I had while Rick and I were building our home. Anywhere But Here was written based on knowing several people struggling with depression, and a conversation they had when they crossed paths one day. Splinter, Move, and Obsidian were written based on major life changes I went through a few years ago, and the subsequent adjustments I had to make. And I don’t think it’s any coincidence that I started the rough draft of Fracture five days after my father-in-law passed away and five months after losing my parakeet to cancer. For every major novel I’ve written, I can give you stories of how I used it to help myself cope with what was happening in my life at the time. Somebody recently suggested to me that people who don’t want to talk it out usually write it out, and this is actually a great way to work through what’s going on in your head. If fiction isn’t your thing, then you can journal privately, or blog about your thoughts and experiences (you can blog publically to get feedback, or you can do it privately if you don’t want to release it online). I’ve been “writing it out” since before I knew it was a coping mechanism, and I believe this is a great way to work things out. 3. Hobbies. I believe we all need something that is ours and ours alone, that we do purely for enjoyment and no other purpose. In addition to writing, I also enjoy reading, but there are countless other hobbies that give you joy and a purpose beyond the requirements of daily living. From gardening to cooking to decorating to artwork, there are many ways to find creative outlets in your life. 4. Moderate Socialization. As tempting as it might be to hide away from the world, it’s actually good for you to get out there some. That doesn’t mean pack your schedule, which is why I say “moderate.” You still do need some time to yourself, but not every minute. Take some time to talk on the phone, have lunch with a family member or a friend, or go out to the movies or an activity you enjoy. Get out there in the world and stay connected, because you tend to find strength and inspiration in times, places and people that you least expect. 5. Volunteering. If you’re a member of a church, then there are countless opportunities to volunteer to help out the congregation or the community. Whether you serve on a committee or sign up to help with an event, it’s good to help out other people and/or people you don’t know. The best way to get your mind off your troubles, after all, is to help other people with their needs. Of course, I would add to this list to seek therapy if you are really struggling. There’s no shame in this and in fact, I once saw a therapist to help me through a trying season of life and I still say it was the best thing I did because what I learned still benefits me years later. It can be a great help to have somebody removed from the situation to give you a new perspective and to guide you to new and better ways to handle situations. This can be especially helpful if everybody in your “inner circle” is involved in whatever is happening and is emotionally connected to the situation. Sometimes, one set of eyes from the outside can be a tremendous help. Sometimes blessings come in the least expected ways, so keep your eyes open for opportunities and look for good, healthy ways to deal with whatever challenges come your way. That’s all today. Take care, and have a great rest of the week. Bye!

As we head into a new year, I ponder my resolution to have better balance in my life on a number of levels. One of those (very important) levels is in the area of stress reduction and reducing worry in my life. I think these are things we all struggle with, and recently I've come to realize there's a great deal that we impose on ourselves, especially when it comes to our relationships. This realization came after having several people tell me things that other people said and/or did over the past few weeks and asked what I thought of it. I remembered that when I was under a therapist while going through my life changes a few years ago, one of the things she told me was that the secret to finding balance was realizing what was and wasn't my business. "You concern yourself with your responsibilities and what you control and let go of the things in the hands of others," she said. That's certainly true, and in fact remembering this advice upon being asked my opinion on these various situations and issues made me realize that people, in general, bring on a lot of their own stress by worrying about or fretting over things that other people think, say or do - things they have absolutely no control over. Why do we do this? My first reaction was that it's arrogance. Frankly, we all have a tendency to beleive that everything is all about us - and that's wrong. The truth is that everything people think, say and do is all about THEM. It's a reflection of how they see the world. Even if they say that "others made me do it," the truth is that they made the decision on how to perceive things and on how to proceed. Nobody "makes" anybody do anything. Plus, by nature, people are going to do what's best for them and the ones closest to them. Why should they do something that benefits you 100% and them none at all when you aren't the center of THEIR world? So there's one reason, but I don't think that's all of it, nor the major portion. In fact, I think if that were the whole reason, then it would mean that people in general are extremely selfish and short sighted, and I don't believe that such a narrow view applies to most people most of the time. Some maybe, but absolutely not all. Maybe not most. And remember, I said there's some truth to this. Maybe it's a small part, but I don't think that's a "once size fits all" explanation for it. Most people learn, grow, and gain a wider perspective on the world and as such, they aren't so shallow. I believe another reason is that we want everybody to like us. The problem is, I recently read that there was actually some scientific study that at least 10% of people aren't going to like you. Frankly, I was surprised the percentage was that low. I thought it would be closer to 30%, but the latest study I read said 10% so we'll run with that. Why is this? Plain and simple, personality differences. Some types just don't play well together. If you don't believe it, ask any extremely emotional person I've come in contact with and they'll tell you I'm mean and don't give a crap about their feelings. I am, by nature, a person that leans more toward logic and reason in making decisions than emotion. I usually don't get along well with extremely emotional types that "just want peace" and "want everybody happy right now" because I beleive happiness comes from investing the time and hard work to do things right no matter how you feel about it "right now." If you do what's right, then it will work out in the end, and that's a happiness that last; not a vapor of high emotion that wears off when the party is over and the consequences have to be paid. In fact, since I've been working in professional licensing, I'd say my tendency to make decisions based on logic and reason have become a stronger because by nature of my profession, I'm obligated to do what's right no matter how people feel about it. I don't think that's a bad thing (of course), but I've caught some flack about it because I'm female, and by stereotype I'm supposed to be all about feelings. While I'm ok to say "alright, forget the 10% and thank God for and enjoy the other 90%, well, some people get awfully fixated on that 10% and believe that if they work harder then they can get a 100% approval rating. It seems their effort would be better spent nurturing relationships with the other 90% but in fact, sometimes they turn on the ones on their side to gain approval they'll never have, counting on forgiveness from that 90% that might come, but not realizing that it will have a higher price than they bargained for because broken trust is a very hard thing to rebuild. But it happens, all the time. I've experienced it; I've seen it; I've written about it. Hey, I'm a writer. The ugly underside of humanity is a playground of inspiration. Expose it to me at your own risk. Just kidding - maybe. And a sidenote on the emotion thing: I'm interested to see if the stereotype of "hysterical emotion" in women downplays as more generations of women have careers.Working women don't have time to fret over every little wayward comment, rolled eye, questionable social media post, tear or tirade that comes their way. Or at least, me and my colleagues don't. But we'll see as time tells this particular tale.So there's that. But not all people are emotional and out for approval ratings that would make politicians jealous, so reason #2 can't apply to everybody. But it does apply to enough that I believe it should be considered. There is one more reason, and I think it applies to most of us. I believe the reason people get tied up in what others think, say and do is because they don't want to be alone in how they think or feel. They want to know that others agree with them. They want others to have an opinion with them, or to get mad with them, or to be sad with them, or to take up the cause with them because they don't want to be the only freak swimming against the tide. They want to know they're like everybody else and what the other person is doing is wild/selfish/stupid/crazy/nonsense/whatever. They don't want to be alone in their opinion or feelings because they don't want to look in the mirror and ask "is it them, or is it me?" We all want to be right. We all want the world to understand that our opinion is just as important as everybody elses'. We all want respect. Nobody wants to be a nobody. They want people to know that they're here, that they have value, and that they are just as important as the other 7+ billion people in the world. Here's the thing, though: Going about it by getting tangled up in other peoples' business is a sign of insecurity. If you truly walk in faith and you're confident in yourself as the authentic human being you were created to be, then you don't need to beg or scream for attention. You humbly go about your own business, believing that the life God set before and the purposes you serve speak for themselves. That's the cure.That's how you break free from this stress. You get busy living your own life and tending to your own businss and have the grace to accept others and the decisions they make without intruding into their lives with your opinions. Does this mean you ignore others and don't care what they do? Of course not. You should always do your best to help people in need and if there's something you can do to help others on their life path, you certainly should. The key is to use common sense and discernment. Yes, we all have opinions on things, but we don't need to share them all the time. Everything that flies through your head doesn't need to fly out of your mouth. If you aren't asked for your opinion or advice, assume it's not wanted or needed and keep it to yourself. I'd even go so far as to say that you should still use caution in giving advice even if you ARE asked for it. As one of the elves said in The Lord of the Rings - The Fellowship of the Ring, "elves don't give advice because all paths may run ill." Think before you speak. If in doubt, don't. And realize that advice is a take it or leave it thing - and in many cases, people leave it, so be prepared to have your advice or opinion rejected just in case and be prepared to not get offended. And please, for the love of God, if it won't make any difference and you have a thought - don't. Stop right there and go no further. If it's done and/or there's no way it's changing no matter what anybody says and you really need to get it out, set up a private blog or buy a journal to work it out, but don't go off on tirades and complain to everybody in the world about things you can't control involving people close to you. And don't ask or expect people to take sides with you unless you want to do the equivalent of renting a billboard that says I'M THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM. It makes you look bad and it makes other people run like hell from you when they see you coming. If it's something so big that you can't live with it, find a way to either deal with it or distance yourself from the situation. Just because a war's going on doesn't mean you have to be a soldier in it. Other people might want you to have their problems, but they can't draft you. You don't have to accept them and if you choose not to accept their problems, well then, it's over. The point of this mile long blog is that I'm coming to understand that balance is something that we have to strive for in every area of life, and personal relationships are certainly a big element there. We do live in the world, with people, so having good, balanced relationships is an extremely important thing. And one way we can achieve balance in our relationships is by not being a busybody, minding our own business, and having the grace to let it be. Thanks for hanging in there with me on this one. I hope you had a Happy Friday and that you have a great weekend. Bye!

Hi all; I hope you're doing well and having a great weekend. We have no plans for the rest of the day, so it's time to chill out. Dang, Netflix sent Thor last Thursday and now I wish we held on to it so we could watch it today. Oh well, I imagine it's in high demand and somebody else is waiting for it. Anyway, I'd better enjoy this slow time because this week is going to be busy - I have meetings tomorrow and Tuesday. Whew! When did my life take off like this?

I think that's a common question.I've attempted to twist my brain around major life changes over the past couple of years, but I'm starting to see that I'm not alone. It seems a lot of people I know have gone through major life transitions that have caused them to feel a degree of isloation from life as they know it. It's sad that we couldn't navigate this together, but the nature of these changes have been very personal and as such, each individual has to cope on their own. We can say "yea, I know how you feel" to one another, but there's really nothing any of us can do to help one another out in a productive way. It's ironic that you can know so many people on the same or similar journies and yet you feel alone. An example is that friend that died a few weeks ago. Lots of people miss her, and every person in our Sunday School Class has admitted that coping with her death has been a challenge. We did devote a class to discussing it, but in the end it came down to the fact that each of us is going to have to cope with our grief over her loss on our own. Comforting to know others' face the same struggle, and yet we must muddle through on our own.

Yes, it is good to know that my life isn't the only one that has taken off in radically new directions. There have been some good changes and a lot of progress, but I'll also admit that some things have passed out of my life that I wasn't so ready to let go of. Simplicity is the biggest thing. For all my responsibilities, there was a charming simplicity to my life until a couple of years ago. It wasn't terribly complicated with multiple responsibilities and I wasn't bound to a schedule that had to be consulted twice a day. Not so anymore. Oh well. I hear there's a time and place where that trend reverses - it's called retirement. Hmm.

I guess the secret is to take each day as it comes and make the best of it. That seems to be where it's at right now, anyway. I'm starting to see the meaning of "daily bread" in The Lord's Prayer now. My life has filled up so much that "daily bread" is about all I can handle. And some people scoff and think I'm not busy because we don't have kids. Ha! I'll tell you the truth - when you're in those active years of your 20's, 30's and 40's, (and even into yoru 50's) something ALWAYS comes along to fill up your time. But life definitely doesn't leave you alone to plug along. It's more like a tidal wave shoving your forward, whether you feel like going or not - and you hope and pray your hard work and effort lands you on a shore you WANT to be on. At least it seems that way these days. Inevitably it will change. But when? And how? Who knows?

Well, that's all for today. I hope you have a great week. See you later.

Bye!

Sherri the Writer

By day, I'm a program assistant. By night, I'm an independent author. My fiction is a dark mirror to the reality I see every day.