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Sunday, September 11, 2016

You might find that hard to believe since I have this blog, an instagram account, a snapchat, and a twitter. If you take a closer look, however, you'll notice this blog has a severe lack of copy and my instagram account rarely shows photographs of my friends. Snapchats last 24 hours. My twitter (which I am probably the most revealing on) only has 50 or so followers and twitter, by nature, limits the amount of characters you can use. There's no risk of verbosity there. (oh and my twitter app has a strange habit of deleting tweets)

You might notice Facebook is missing from my list of social media. that's because Facebook seemingly encourages sharing (and oversharing) of private life moments, head pats, and socially acceptable cyber stalking.

That's not for me.

I'm an INFJ.

I am an introvert with strong passions for people and causes. When there's someone that's been nice to me? I will long to be the nicest person possible in return. I may not have a lot of friends (by design), but the ones I do have? We run deep.

It's my nature.

The problem with privacy is the perception of it. It can come across as secretive... which while some might find it enigmatic, others find it to be sneaky. Or worse yet? They believe there are ulterior motives behind acts of generosity.

I also sometimes get myself into the bad habit of judging myself based upon people's perceptions of me. Which is the silliest of things. It gets sillier when it's people's perceived perceptions of me.

I am who I am. I can be giving (sometimes overly so). Charitable people always hold a special place in my heart due to this, because I can relate. I can be selfish (ask my dog who gets forced to cuddle sometimes).... and I can be taxing - including on myself.

But I am sincere. I may not tell you everything, but when I do tell you something? Trust me it's the truth. There's no motive. There's no game play. When I'm kind? I am not looking for anything in return. Rather? I feel as though I'm returning something.

I am sure it's confusing to some people. Why would this girl give $XXX to a cause or to pay for a hotel room for someone or something else... sometimes without even telling them? Because I am able to and I feel compelled to. Not out of obligation. Not out of guilt... but out of genuine desire to do what I believe is the right thing in that moment.

I don't believe in doing favors for others if your heart
is not in the right place. That does irreparable damage to relationships
as it can build resentment. So when I do something... it's because I want to.