Wigging Out

My decision to cover my hair with a wig has me feeling better about myself physically and spiritually!

“Wow, I love your hair!” the supermarket checker exclaimed. This was a thrilling change from the predictable “Paper or plastic?” question checkers typically asked and which usually encompassed our entire interchange. “I wish I could have my hair like that, all short and feathery, but my boyfriend likes it long,” she added wistfully.

As she enthused over my tresses, I was grinning like the Cheshire cat. The cut was new, and I didn’t mind a public endorsement of my choice. Beyond that, my grin camouflaged my wickedly strong temptation to lean over the check stand and tell her, “Guess what? It’s a wig!”

“Guess what? It’s a wig!”

But I conquered the temptation and didn’t blow my cover. Why ruin the mystique? I’d been covering my hair for many years with hats or berets, but had only recently “wigged out,” so to speak. Sure, once upon a time I vowed that I could never cover my hair full time. Keeping Shabbat and kosher I could deal with; wearing a wig? Fuggedaboutit! Granted, Rebbetzin Feige Twerski writes persuasively about the mitzvah here, but I had a “should I or shouldn’t I?” relationship about the matter for years. But I finally joined the hidden-hair ranks when my first son was 3 years old, and I felt too sheepish to remind him to put on his kippah when my own hair was on display.

I bought an inexpensive wig, and felt like a fake. It wasn’t my style, and I took it out for airings only on special occasions. That mop also gave me a headache, which is a real deal-breaker if you cover your hair full-time. So I remained loyal to hats and berets, and my chapeaux collection grew to prodigious proportions. I could never have joined the military, since they only offered green berets. Mine spanned the entire color spectrum, from forest green to deep burgundy, ivories, royal and baby blues, and a half of dozen shades of brown. Most were embroidered with flowers or patterns. One has tiny copper chairs on it – it’s a real conversation piece. When I guiltily wrote another check for a new, irresistible topper, I rationalized, “At least I’m not a shoe hound! And it’s for a mitzvah!”

Still, I wished I could just wear a sheitel, Yiddish for wig. Hats could be fun, but you never have to match your hair to an outfit. Professionally, wigs let you just blend in, at least until lunch, when everyone else at the company meeting is eating what the caterer is serving and you surreptitiously nibble at your brown-bagged sandwich. Finally, I had a growing fear of ending up a little old Jewish bubbe, whose collection of hats would brand me “eccentric.” Eccentric old ladies with hats also usually have 15 cats, and I don’t like cats.

That is how I decided to risk another wig, but this time, it was going to be the real deal. No more shock mops for me, with their unnatural volume or stiffness marking them obviously fakes.

Still, it was scary to graduate to the major leagues of sheitel-wearing. What if I gambled major league money in a custom-designed, human hair sheitel and still got headaches? Oy! That would result in the kind of pain that no amount of Naproxen could dull. Despite the risk, I found myself sitting in the salon of a trusted sheitel designer. “I’m not ready for this! I’m scared!” I hollered as she plopped an uncut, long, dark brown wig on my head. “What do you think?” she asked.

“I look like Elvira. I can’t imagine how this would look after it’s cut.”

“I look like Elvira. I can’t imagine how this would look after it’s cut.” She quickly flipped through a celebrity magazine and pointed to a photo of Katie Holmes, sporting a fashion-forward bob. “That’s the cut for you,” she said. I laughed. “Katie Holmes! I’m old enough to be her, er, um, aunt!” I protested. Yet in less than an hour, I left the salon utterly transformed, the sheitel cut, washed and blow dried into a modern, elongated bob. Katie would have been jealous. “You look fantastic! So much younger!” The stylist and her assistant were staring at me, mouths agape.

I left the salon in shock, not only at how much money I had just paid but also at my striking resemblance to Katie Holmes (well, except for being oh so slightly older). I stuffed the beret I had worn in to the salon deep in my purse. Compared to my new locks, my blue beret now looked like a shmatte, barely suitable for dusting the furniture.

I have good news and bad news about my having flipped to wearing wigs. The good news is that everybody has been gushingly enthusiastic about my new locks. Friends have said, “Wow! You look so good I didn’t recognize you!” or “You look so much younger, it’s amazing!” The bad news is that friends have said, “Wow! You look so good I didn’t recognize you!” or “You look so much younger, it’s amazing!” This has been somewhat mortifying. What in the world did I look like before? I wondered. If I had looked that bedraggled in my hats, why hadn’t my girlfriends tipped me off? Was there a conspiracy afoot?

Hair covering doesn’t come easy to a lot of women who have chosen to keep the mitzvah. I know; I’m one of them. While I was proud to wear my hats and berets, knowing they often identified me as a member of this part of the tribe, I’m even happier to now sport a smart coiffure that lets me appear younger than my years, at least according to a recent survey of my friends and supermarket checkers. Sure, our inner beauty must always come first, but Judaism has a healthy respect for a woman’s God-given hardwiring to want to be beautiful too. With my new hair, I get to keep the mitzvah and enjoy feeling a little prettier at the same time. What a deal!

The best news of all, however, may be that my two new sheitels have rarely spiked a headache. I take this as a sign from above that going the extra mile for a mitzvah carries its own rewards.

Visitor Comments: 27

(27)
Anonymous,
February 8, 2014 10:25 PM

Modesty and Wigs

Yes modesty does not mean that we have to look ugly.It is more to do with the woman's sense of privacy.the practice (I would imagine) give the woman a real sense of putting into practice the difference between secular and Jewish identity. I would also think that wearing a wig would mean that you have modesty all day , since you won't be tempted to take it off (like a scarf or a hat) and stuff it in your handbag, to blend in when you are in a secular environment. I am a gentile but respect the way orthodox women express their identity as a Jew , even if they may get comments from others. Being different in a religious way takes real courage these days.

(26)
Rachel,
May 19, 2013 6:51 AM

Wigs/ scarves who cares which

I fail to understand why wearing a wig has become the token height of piety in the diaspora. I cover my hair. In winter with large rasta berets and in summer with intricate scarves. I have some showing. I wear baker boy caps . I once borrowed a fall for a wedding which was a secular tel aviv wedding d'affaires because I had no suitable scarf and didn't want to stand out. It was fun, heck I might even buy one. But it IS just a method of covering your hair. It doesn't make you really anymore of a tzadika than the hat wearer. I was no more a tzadika in a wig. You don't upgrade to Operating System Sheitel.

At the swimming pool I met a little old lady who wears a turban which ironically have become fashion (xref Accessorize) she stopped wearing a wig because her rav was against it. Has she downgraded? Wear what you like on your heads but a Sheitel is just another head covering not a spiritual upgrade from a hat.

(25)
Anonymous,
November 2, 2010 11:11 PM

Normal beautiful

No, a Jewish wife's wig should not be "Glenda The Good Witch super-glamorous", but it is fine to look quite nice, even an improvement over nature. As for looking good for your husband, simply wear the wig around him as much as you can! He should certainly see you in it. It is a huge mistake in marriage to dress nicely for the office, and fall into any schmata when home. No, your beautiful wig is not just for others to look at, outside the home.
A man knows this mitzvah is not easy, and he is extremely impressed when we do it. And, he likes the beauty, the simple beauty. The chic. The implication of youth and health that nice hair conveys. Even fake hair. A long bob makes you look thinner, believe it or not.

(24)
Anonymous,
November 2, 2010 2:10 AM

SYNTHETIC HAIR WIGS ARE CHEAP AND GREAT

They DO TOO look really good, if you choose carefully, cost only FIFTY dollars, wash in cold water, get ordered from websites. Just get an elongated bob. They don't style: what you see is what you get; so shop until you find a good one for you, and get several. Wigs-Us is a good web site, Paula Young is another, Wilsire Wigs, Light In The Box is great. You have to search and search, past the party wigs, but it's worth it. Straight not curly, not much bang, length well past the chin, maybe grazing the shoulder. Eleven inches in the back is a good length. The fit is adjustable, because of little tabs inside the wig. Just measure your head, as they advise. Lighter colors work well.
We are supposed to serve G-d with joy, so we can look as beautiful as possible.
As for the textual source, you know about the suspected woman having her hair uncovered publicly; that's in Talmud, right?
Seriously, the artificial hair of today fluffs around, bounces and swings, and catches the light just like real hair. Whatever wigs you buy mail-order and decide you can't use, just donate to a Wig Gemach. Somebody else will be happy to have them, and it is not money lost.
It is amazing to realize ;you can wake up in the morning and have any hair you want today. Maybe the hair you always wanted. Maybe, for fifty dollars, the hair others are spending hundreds getting from their colorists.

(23)
Devora,
July 27, 2010 11:14 PM

Re: Shaitels

As far as getting a good sheitel goes, it is all about getting a good stylist. I have a great one, where I'd be without her I don't know, and she's so amazing that at Kids Cuts the stylist told my daughter that she had my hair!

(22)
Rochel,
March 7, 2010 10:45 PM

Saving beauty for husband is not the mitzvah

the mitzvah is to cover the hair. we come up with all kinds of reasons and explanations for covering our hair when we become married, but the bottom line is to cover it the best we can. A wig accomplishes that.

(21)
Dvirah,
March 4, 2010 5:46 PM

Under Cover

Since the purpose of Mitzvah seems to be not to display hair, I have to agree with Nachum and the others who point out the irony of covering hair with hair. However, this has for many generations been an accepted form of performing the Mitzvah; and in the final analysis it's a matter of personal taste.

(20)
Judy Gruen,
March 4, 2010 12:21 AM

Yes, this can be a perplexing mitzvah

I appreciate all the comments on my column. That so many chose to post anonymously underscores how sensitive a topic this still is. In response some comments, my wigs are not super-glamorous (that would not have felt authentic to me) nor super-expensive. But they let me feel more natural and attractive than most of my hats. And yes, it is time to update my author photo -- both the hat and I were a lot younger when it was taken!

(19)
Channie,
March 3, 2010 4:46 PM

Response to Nachum - wig is more "attractive"

In response to Nachum, that wearing a wig is ironic, for it makes a woman attractive outside the home while her short hair make her less attractive to her own husband: In his comment, Nachum uses one word which says it all, "supposedly." In truth, the Mitzvah of covering one's hair has no clearly delineated reason other than that the hair is considered nakedness in a married woman. The mitzvah has nothing to do with atttractiveness, except by human rationalization. Consider that practically no one has a perfectly proportioned, beautiful body. We are all more "attractive" wearing clothes that often hide our physical imperfections while accentuating our positive features. Would anyone therefore posit that we should all walk around in the nude so that we are less attractive to others?Covering parts of our bodies is part of modest living, yet it allows us to remain attractive. Covering one's hair, I believe, falls into the same category. (By the way, I had been married 34 years before being widowed six years ago. I have not yet had the strengtn to commit to covering my hair all the time.)

(18)
folke Holtz,
March 3, 2010 1:42 PM

Admirable

I admire every Jew who are wholehearted to fulfill the mitzva which makes this world a better place to live in.

(17)
Sarah,
March 3, 2010 6:17 AM

Elderly and beautiful

Having been covering my hair for more years than I can remember I thoroughly enjoyed this column from a newbie to this mitzvah. But my wigs are all age appropriate. I've never felt there was anything to be ashamed of about growing old, and carry my age proudly. With age comes wisdom. Btw, somebody please tell me who Katie Holmes is.

(16)
Nachum,
March 3, 2010 3:05 AM

PS: Hats I understand

Lest someone misunderstand, I'm not puzzled by the idea of observant women covering their hair. The author's use of hats would seem to me to satisfy what many consider a requirement. It's the cut-off at-home hair being covered by a an attractive wig outside of the home that seems to me to contradict the intended purpose.

(15)
Nachum,
March 3, 2010 2:52 AM

An ironic "mitzvah"

I confess to being male and to never grasping the sense of a woman cutting her hair short enough to fit comfortably under a wig -- supposedly so men not her husband won't be attracted -- and then buying a wig that looks hugely lovelier than the woman's remaining real hair (and typically lovelier her real hair at its original length). How does this "save" her real beauty only for her husband? He gets the wife with the short , unattractive hair, and the rest of humanity sees her with hair that makes her more attractive than if she simply wore her own.
I'd be interested in reading thoughtful responses -- not just denouncements because I'm the kipa sruga type.

(14)
Anonymous,
March 3, 2010 2:26 AM

Purim

Judy: So I don't think I am losing my mind, please assure me that your article was satire or a fun joke for Purim.

(13)
Susan Kesner,
March 2, 2010 7:20 PM

can't wait to not recognize you!

i have settled for a fall and this way I have hair and still look like me in the hip settler style! lol- seriously. i know what you mean. good for you.

(12)
Anonymous,
March 2, 2010 7:07 PM

No wigs for me!

I think you look charming and very natural in your gorgeous hat. My husband of almost 60 years doesn't even notice or know the color of my hair, which is supposed to be "for his eyes only"? That's not modesty, it's foolishness. Are all of you wig-wearers sure that anyone would be "lusting " over your own hair? All wig-wearers are obvious and obviously fooling no one but themselves. Same for men's hair-pieces!
So, in all modesty you are bragging about your hair covering!

(11)
Anonymous,
March 2, 2010 6:49 PM

Debate

I am debating to get a wig or not. I use to wear wigs, and falls in my youthful single secular days. Now I wear different headcoverings, but I am getting sick and tired of them, plus nice head coverings aren’t cheap either. Recently a lady I know stopped using her head coverings, she couldn’t afford a wig so she let her hear lose. I am so tempted, but I think I’d feel uncomfortable not being covered.
My debate is if a wig really is a headcovering. Am I just being vain, trying to fit in…. Where in a very small remote community can you get fitted and styled for a nice wig. Then there are the finances. Maintenance of the wig. How long to they last before you have to get a new one. Please write another article about wigs, practical things. To answer these questions.

(10)
Anonymous,
March 2, 2010 6:00 PM

Wigs are made in Heaven.

My own hair was getting grey and I was loosing it. The only solution to the problem seemed to be a WIG. I bought one and it fitted beautifully and it looked lovely. I wore it all the time. People admired my new hairstyle. I think they new it was a wig, but they did not ask or comment, just admired that it was lovely. I bought many wigs after that one but none of the others were the same standard. -Caroline-

(9)
Dena,
March 2, 2010 4:49 PM

A wig is NOT immodest

To Sylvia (comment 4)
We do not cover our hair in order to make ourselves unattractive. We cover our hair because a married woman's hair is considered "ervah" - something which must be covered, according to Jewish law. I also don't recall Judy saying that her wig was super fancy or immodest. A very long or very fancy looking wig would certainly not be modest, just as very fancy and eye catching clothes would not be. Sounds like Judy's wig does the job - keeps her hair covered and keeps her feeling and looking good.
Good for you, Judy! (Now you have to change the picture in your bio...)

(8)
Lauryn,
March 2, 2010 4:48 PM

Of all reasons

Your son's kippah does not cover his entire head and every strand of hair. If you wanted a comparable head covering, there is nothing wrong with the headbands and folded scarves that many women wear over their own, real hair. Either way, I will never understand how making sure that people think they are looking at your own, real hair is more holy than allowing your real hair to be seen.

(7)
Anonymous,
March 2, 2010 4:43 PM

What about modesty?

The original intent of a woman covering her hair was modesty--to retain her beauty for her husband within her home and not for everyone in the street. But today's shaytels look more glamorous than what's seen in the movies! How is this a sign of modesty? Also, for women who work outside the home, keeping the head covering day and night on hot, humid subway cars and in the unpredictable "weather" inside most office buildings simply retains heat and moisture in a dark environment, thereby creating an excellent environment for bacterial growth. How is that healthy? Just because everyone else is doing it doesn't make it a smart thing to do--that goes for shaytels as well as for any bad habits. Personally, I think we need to rethink the head-covering law--there is room for interpretation that makes it questionable. But if you really, really believe that covering your hair makes you feel holier, why not try a tichel? They look quite attractive when tied appropriately. They can be problematic in some workplaces, but considering how young folks go to work in jeans with holes in them or with their breasts hanging out, it should be easier to explain to human resources that a tichel is more respectable than that.

(6)
judith,
March 2, 2010 4:20 AM

Mazel Tov

Judy, glad you found a sheitel that instead of a headache, gave you material for a good article.
PS: did they card you yet?

(5)
elydia zavala,
March 2, 2010 2:29 AM

I hate wigs. I'd rather go bald.

I am glad you like wigs, that is your choice, you are free to wear with pride!
I had my first (and only wig) after my first (and not only, because I ended having 43) brain surgery.
It was a red hair wig.
It was hot.
It was scratchy.
It ended up down to my eyebrows. I looked silly.
have fun. :)

(4)
Silvia,
March 1, 2010 12:26 PM

Wasn't head covering about modesty?

Wasn't head covering about keeping the special beauty given by hair to your husband only? Isn't it out of scope to attract other people's attention based on a fancy (and expensive) wig? I find this article funny but somewhat far from my way of interpreting the kissui rosh mitzva.

(3)
Rebecca Klempner,
March 1, 2010 4:43 AM

I love my hats and kerchiefs...

and I'll stick to them, but the article is funny anyway. Oh, and you look great, too!

(2)
lisa,
March 1, 2010 3:27 AM

Head Games

Good for you!! Enjoy your new look....no where does it say that we should look dumpy, artificial or old. Anyway, I am sure your inner beauty outshines your sheital. Wear it in good health!!

I live in rural Montana where the Cholov Yisrael milk is difficult to obtain and very expensive. So I drink regular milk. What is your view on this?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Jewish law requires that there be rabbinic supervision during the milking process to ensure that the milk comes from a kosher animal. In the United States, many people rely on the Department of Agriculture's regulations and controls as sufficiently stringent to fulfill the rabbinic requirement for supervision.

Most of the major Kashrut organizations in the United States rely on this as well. You will therefore find many kosher products in America certified with a 'D' next to the kosher symbol. Such products – unless otherwise specified on the label – are not Cholov Yisrael and are assumed kosher based on the DOA's guarantee.

There are many, however, do not rely on this, and will eat only dairy products that are designated as Cholov Yisrael (literally, "Jewish milk"). This is particularly true in large Jewish communities, where Cholov Yisrael is widely available.

Rabbi Moshe Feinstein wrote that under limited conditions, such as an institution which consumes a lot of milk and Cholov Yisrael is generally unavailable or especially expensive, American milk is acceptable, as the government supervision is adequate to prevent non-kosher ingredients from being added.

It should be added that the above only applies to milk itself, which is marketed as pure cow's milk. All other dairy products, such as cheeses and butter, may contain non-kosher ingredients and always require kosher certification. In addition, Rabbi Feinstein's ruling applies only in the United States, where government regulations are considered reliable. In other parts of the world, including Europe, Cholov Yisrael is a requirement.

There are additional esoteric reasons for being stringent regarding Cholov Yisrael, and because of this it is generally advisable to consume only Cholov Yisroel dairy foods.

In 1889, 800 Jews arrived in Buenos Aires, marking the birth of the modern Jewish community in Argentina. These immigrants were fleeing poverty and pogroms in Russia, and moved to Argentina because of its open door policy of immigration. By 1920, more than 150,000 Jews were living in Argentina. Juan Peron's rise to power in 1946 was an ominous sign, as he was a Nazi sympathizer with fascist leanings. Peron halted Jewish immigration to Argentina, introduced mandatory Catholic religious instruction in public schools, and allowed Argentina to become a haven for fleeing Nazis. (In 1960, Israeli agents abducted Adolf Eichmann from a Buenos Aires suburb.) Today, Argentina has the largest Jewish community in Latin America with 250,000, though terror attacks have prompted many young people to emigrate. In 1992, the Israeli Embassy in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 32 people. In 1994, the Jewish community headquarters in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 85 people. The perpetrators have never been apprehended.

Be aware of what situations and behaviors give you pleasure. When you feel excessively sad and cannot change your attitude, make a conscious effort to take some action that might alleviate your sadness.

If you anticipate feeling sad, prepare a list of things that might make you feel better. It could be talking to a specific enthusiastic individual, running, taking a walk in a quiet area, looking at pictures of family, listening to music, or reading inspiring words.

While our attitude is a major factor in sadness, lack of positive external situations and events play an important role in how we feel.

[If a criminal has been executed by hanging] his body may not remain suspended overnight ... because it is an insult to God (Deuteronomy 21:23).

Rashi explains that since man was created in the image of God, anything that disparages man is disparaging God as well.

Chilul Hashem, bringing disgrace to the Divine Name, is one of the greatest sins in the Torah. The opposite of chilul Hashem is kiddush Hashem, sanctifying the Divine Name. While this topic has several dimensions to it, there is a living kiddush Hashem which occurs when a Jew behaves in a manner that merits the respect and admiration of other people, who thereby respect the Torah of Israel.

What is chilul Hashem? One Talmudic author stated, "It is when I buy meat from the butcher and delay paying him" (Yoma 86a). To cause someone to say that a Torah scholar is anything less than scrupulous in meeting his obligations is to cause people to lose respect for the Torah.

Suppose someone offers us a business deal of questionable legality. Is the personal gain worth the possible dishonor that we bring not only upon ourselves, but on our nation? If our personal reputation is ours to handle in whatever way we please, shouldn't we handle the reputation of our nation and the God we represent with maximum care?

Jews have given so much, even their lives, for kiddush Hashem. Can we not forego a few dollars to avoid chilul Hashem?

Today I shall...

be scrupulous in all my transactions and relationships to avoid the possibility of bringing dishonor to my God and people.

With stories and insights,
Rabbi Twerski's new book Twerski on Machzor makes Rosh Hashanah prayers more meaningful. Click here to order...