My memory stretches back to that poster on the wall of my friend's college dorm room, "365 Reasons to Party." It had a bogus excuse for those days that aren't built in parties, like St. Paddy's.

I always thought, "As if I need a reason!"

And so it is with Mark Hurd, aka Darth Turdar. No good news, no bad news. But still, people are walking out of jobs every day due to ol' Marky Mark Turdy.

Fuck that! And Fuck You Turdy!

Over at General Motors, they just shit-canned their CEO. Hey Obama, how about a little help here? This guy has fucked so many people.

From where I sit, I see the decline of HP. HP is a stone, and Hurdy Turdy is just squeezin' every little drop of profit out of it that he can! I give him another year, two tops. He runs off, hailed by Wall Street as the "Savior of Tech Giant HP." What will be left? Scraps. A shell of a former innovative powerhouse.

It'd be funny if it weren't so fucking sad. So Mark, you know what I'm talking about here. You know what you're doing. And, hey, just a shout out to ya to let ya know one thing, "Fuck You!"

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Business Week? Wow, you really have to suck some ass to get on the cover of that! I guess he also made it onto another employee-friendly magazine, Fortune. These guys fucking LOVE MARK. The people who read Business Week and Fortune make a living by screwing the little guy. And it looks like they're welcoming Mark to the club.

Hey Business Week...Hey Fortune Magazine....how about you go FUCK OFF!? And while you're fucking off, go watch Jon Stewart telling Kramer what's up! You fucking magazines and the whole financial press were laying in bed with these weasel CEO's while they were building a house of cards. FUCK YOU for not calling it out! Because we sure are fucked now, aren't we?

Oh yeah, and Mark, nice work getting on the cover. They thought you were genius for getting employees to take a pay cut. Surely you must pat yourself on the back every night. For that, Mark, FUCK YOU!

Saturday, March 21, 2009

I have officially pissed off Mark Hurd. So much so, that he's set his minions into motion to shut me down. Hey Mark, Fuck YOU. And FUCK YOU for trying to Shut me down!

We have the First Amendment here in the USA. It says we have the freedom of speech. I promise I will not profane the first amendment. But I lean on you, First Amendment, for my strength and unwaveringness, as I illuminate the truth about the robber-barons of today's society. Mark Hurd is just a half-step away from the looters that are running AIG who are stealing taxpayer money with their bonuses.

HP is the same thing. HP is an employee owned and operated company. And fucking Mark "The Turd" Hurd is trying to steal that away from the people of HP. Fuck you Mark!

The guy makes over 30 million a year - he can fuck me if he wants. Hey Mark, FUCK YOU!

And if you think you can fuck me, well, FUCK YOU because I hope you 're a bigger man than that.

So why did Google shut me down? Fear of Mark Hurd and his millions of HP advertising dollars? Fear of offending a tech heavyweight? What is Google afraid of? Whatever Google is afraid of - we should all be afraid of...... 1984. Censorship. Ideaspeak. No dissent.

Watch out - Bush almost made it happen - Google might be able to pull it off...

Here are their reasons:

(Personally, I can't blame Google, as they have to suck up to their advertisers. Fortunately for us, the Fuck You Mark Hurd message is out. Pandora is out of her Fucking Box Mark! From here, asshole, it's all down-hill. And we all know powerful people fight the hardest when they realize they're on the way out. This means, of course, that I'm fucked. But the truth will find the light. Make me a Martyr, Hurd. I fucking dare you!)

1- Inappropriate "anti" content. But their definition of "Anti" content has to do with race/gender/sexual orientation. I'll say it here: I don't give a shit who or what Mark fucks, I still want to tell him to fuck off. In fact, as far as I know, he's a father to his kids and has a loving wife and family. "So There Google," I'm Pro-Mark-Hurd's-Family. They're probably amazing people and deserve all the dignity and respect in the world. I also deleted a few "off" comments about Mark that had nothing to do with the fact that as a CEO and President and Chairman, he's a complet (as the French would say) fuck. So lets get this straight: Mark Hurd - you are a complete fucker for what you've done to HP and HP Employees and the Families of HP Employees and the Contractors of HP and families of Contractors of HP and the SubContractors of HP and the families of Subcontractors of HP. Hey Mark, wake the fuck up. These are real fucking people. And you are fucking all of them. Majorly. Take some of your huge fucking massive bonus that you've squeezed from the stone and give it back!

2. Offensive Material. Well, fuck, yes, my material is supposed to be fucking offensive. When you type in "Mark Hurd Fucker" I want my site to show up. I guess in the Google World of the internet, this shit doesn't fly. I call it Censorship.

The Solution: Let's Bypass Google and their advertising. Let's make this site popular with just typing "Mark Hurd" into Google.

So what do we all do to drive traffic to this site? (Note, this is self-serving, but if you think I'm in this for ego or selling one or two coffee mugs a year, well, you aren't getting it.)

The Solution: Make this site popular. On your sites, love this site. Link this site.

Web Browsing? Bookmark this site, and come back to this site often.

Hey Google, don't you promise in your mission statement to "Do No Evil?" Well check this shit against your ethical watch-dog: you're shuttin' me down - meanwhile, people are loving my site.

People love what I'm saying: That the CEO's out there today are sticking it to the man. That the excesses of the past generation are evil and we won't stand for this.

And the best way I know how to do this is to let everyone know how much of a fucker Mark Hurd has been to HP.

Oh, and if no one loved this site - I promise you wouldn't try to shut it down....so that means its working....

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Some FUMH readers have been posting comments about how they've been fucked over by The Turd.

Let's hear what they have to say...(my comments after in italics)

"... take that Mark - you greedy bastard, how about a dip in the pool or jacuzzi before bed - oh that's right, that is only for bastards like you. Take a real cut you prick!" (ed: this guy commenting on his "huge" 20% pay cut that is actually only 0.5%)

"LOL, hurdy turdy is wiping his ass with the 15% he announced Friday. FUMH!!!!!!! Makes me sick he is taking a 20% aka .5% in real world people terms pay cut. FUMH FUMH FUMH FUMH!!!!!!!!!!!" (ed: I love this one! Hurdy Turdy, what a fucking name for such a fucking prick!)

"FUCK.... Ohhh yea.....Im officially stressed the fuck out of how to afford toilet paper for my crapper...so fuck that and fuck MH again and he is a sissy bitch..ohhh that made me laugh....." (ed: Yeah, Fuck that sissy bitch MH! Makes me laugh too, especially about the TP, except that that fucker makes me cry. Hey Mark, did I mention this? "FUCK YOU!")

"Fuck you Mark Greedy PigBoy Turd and your band of rotten scoundrals. I hope you choke on your caviar!" (ed: Greedy PigBoy Turd? I like it!)

(and last but not least, my favorite one yet.....)

"This all makes me so mad. I'm gonna go in and take a big shit on Mark Hurd's desk. Take that Mark Turd!" (ed: If this guy does go take a big shit on Turd's desk, that would be the greatest thing ever! My Hero, Mr. Shit On Mark Hurd's Desk)

See you next time for another edition of How the World Turds, featuring the world's biggest mother-fucker, Mark Hurd.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Shit, I gotta wonder if the ol' fuckaroonie himself reads my blog, because he decided to go fuck a whole bunch of other folks.

The poor (literally) souls working at what is now called EDS- An Hp Company, just got another kick in the groin. The 5% pay cut wasn't enough, so now they're giving an additional 10% pay cut as reported over at ZDnet.

Fuck that! Hey Mark, who the fuck do you think you are? Fucking with people's lives? I didn't see you offer to take a bigger pay cut here....wtf?!

The really poor fucks who make less than $40,000 are exempt from this - boy, gee, thanks!

And the kicker is, per the press release is the cut is a, "temporary reduction of 10 percent in base salary effective for April 2009"

In three months, they'll send out a note that says, basically, "I am Mark Hurd. Once I fucked you for 5% of your salary. Then a few weeks later, I decided to fuck you for another 10% of your salary, but I decided that this fucking was only temporary. Well, upon further review, due to these fucking crazy economic times, not to mention how much I love to fuck you, these pay cuts are now permanent."

That's been how Hurd has rolled these things thru since he arrived at HP, a piece at a time. Don't hit ya with all of it at the same time.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

HP stock is still down 20% since he decided to cut everyone's pay. That's called Bad Karma. Hey Mark, FUCK YOU and FUCK YOUR BAD KARMA.

These are custom mugs and have been stylishly designed to say, "I'm mad as hell and I want to tell Mark Hurd to FUCK OFF!" Problem is, you probably don't want all that profanity at the office, especially if you still have a job working for the Monkey Fuck himself, Mark "The Fuckinator" Hurd.

We've toned the message down a little, to just say FUMH. Of course "we" all know what the FUMH stands for.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Check out this article here that shows I'm not the only one who finds Hurd's cheshire tears over his "big" 20% pay cut.

One blogger says:

“Since when has making 1.9 Billion dollars nett profit in a little over 12 weeks been a legitimate excuse to cut the salaries of hundreds of thousands of people world wide? I would suggest never in a million years, Mark Hurd has revealed his true colors with this one.”

Well they forget who they're dealing with. It's no other than Mark Hurd. You know what we have to say about Mark and HP making billions (yes, that did say Billions!) and still sticking it to employees

He's done a good job of cutting costs, and also done a great job (have you noticed?) of completely destroying one of the pillars of HP: It's culture and talent.

Given the change to disguise it up as "bad economic times," Mark "FUCK YOU" Hurd decided to give us all a pay-cut. Hey Mark, FUCK YOU.

Why didn't you just tell us to quit and leave?

Well, payback is always a bitch. When this economy turns around, you'll see parachutes popping as the best and brightest high-tail it off this sinking albatross.

Profits and P/E will improve for awhile. Then Mark will disappaear, conveniently before the stock price crash. Just as the ex-Commander in Clown (aka McCain's "economic expert" Fiorina) sits and takes credit for HP's rise, Hurd will unload all his shares after leaving because he knows the fall is coming - and he wants to get out before it happens.

Hey Mark, thanks again for taking a big 1% pay cut. You're a team player, aren'tcha? We're all taking a 5% cut. So either give us all outsized stock options (hey, fucker, the stock is about worthless now, might as well spread it around a bit), or step up and suck it up.

Not that you give a shit about history, but we do have these guys who founded HP called Bill and Dave. I think you mentioned them once 4 years ago when you got here.

Anyway, Bill and Dave loved the company and for them, success enough was success.

What would Bill and Dave do?

WWBDD?

Surely, money came their way. You are a greedy son'of'a'bitch.

Fuck You Mark!

Bill and Dave took no money when times were tough. They had millions in the bank and thought it was tastless to make money off the backs of hard working folks.

Your $40 million, Mark, spread across the roughly 100,000 folks that work at HP is about $400 a person. Maybe you don't know it but that's a month of college tuition for someone with a kid in school, half a month's rent or mortgage payment, or two months of car payments. It's also about 10% of the

FUCK YOU MARK!

Hey Mark, listen up asshole. How about taking a 80% overall pay-cut and doling it out to the rest of us? Call it 80/20. You give up 80%, we work hard for you, and reduce our pay cut by about 20%.

But you're so smart, and I'm just a regular guy. Maybe I just don't get it...

For those that don't know, HP recently announced that "due to the unprecedented economic downturn," HP would be cutting salary and benefits.

For those of us on salary, it amounts to a 5% reduction in our base pay, aka, our salary.

But wait, maybe he does have a heart. He will share our pain. Our fearless leader, the great Mark V Hurd, announced he would reduce his base pay 20%. Wow Mark, that's really selfless of you.

On top of our salary cut, we lose up to 6% in 401k benefits, and another ~2% in stock purchase benefits. So that's somewhere between a 10% and 15% reduction in total compensation. That's a bit more than 5%, Mark. Fuck You!

What does a 20% pay-cut in Mark's base pay do to his overall compensation? Well, let's look at his 2008 pay-package. It says here that we shouldn't worry to much about Mark. Mark made 1.4 million last year and his 20% will amount to nearly $300,000. Ouch, that's three times more than I made. But he'll still make 1.1 million, which is about 11 times more than I made. I think he'll make out OK. Making ten times an engineer's salary is probably about right for a CEO, and I appreciate Mark feeling our pain.

But wait - Mark also took home bonuses and stock options in 2008 to the tune of $40 million! Holy fucking shit that is a lot of money. To put it in perspective, that is what 400 engineers make. That's a bit higher than the ten to one that seemed fair.

FUCK YOU MARK!

So I'm glad Mark will be taking 20% off his 40 million next year - a roughly $8 million dollar pay cut. I'm sure going from $40 to $32 million is going to hurt his lifestyle and ego.

But wait - Mark's 20% reduction is only on his base pay of $1.4 million. Bonuses and options? Oh, I'm sorry, those won't be reduced. So if Mark makes what he made last year (and as Chairman of the Board, he does in effect set his salary), his total reduction in compensation is $300,000/$40,000,000.