You get what you give…

I think one of the hardest things about divorce, is for sure the dynamic of “the family” that dies. I know for kids that are involved, it is one of the toughest things for them to go and experience as well. I feel beyond blessed that this transition that we all have gone through has shown our love and strength as individuals and our capabilities of learning a new way of life. I don’t think I could feel anymore love for my kids as I do, to feel absolutely blessed for the amazing relationships we have together and separate. I always seem to have pictures and talk about my girls as my oldest lives with me full time and my youngest is here 90% of the time, but today, I celebrate my son who has not lived with me since I left the family house. Today he is 19 and I could not be more proud of this human being, for the simple fact that he has been nothing short of amazing during this whole transformation. He has shown me nothing but support, love and understanding something I feel so blessed to have as a person, as his mom. Not living with him was for sure one of the toughest things about getting divorced, but what has transpired in that dark time, is something so beautiful and full of light. Last year on his birthday it was tough for me as it was the first time ever in his life that I would not wake up and wish him Happy Birthday in person or make him a special breakfast… Today, there is no sadness at all, because through this process we have become closer and honestly I don’t think that would have happened if I was still in a place of unhappiness. I have learned so much about him as he has about me, we are best of friends, but he knows I am always here as his mom too. We have gone to concerts, lunches and have sat in my living room on a Friday night just talking. I sometimes pinch myself when he gets off work on a Friday or Saturday night and comes to see me, because in all reality what 18, now 19 year old man does that? Mine! Because we have made it a priority to see each other, communicate, and to have fun. So many memories we have created and experiences we have gone through. I am writing this just so people know, yes divorce does change your whole life and with kids, it changes theirs, but it does NOT have to be a negative change. You create what it is you want, you get to change the things you need to. I have written before about during divorce to always put kids first in this process and this is exactly why, to have an amazing relationship. Don’t be sad because you are not there in the morning when it is their birthdays, sooner or later that is going to happen, as they will go to college, move out and maybe get married. I believe in any relationship you have, what you give is what you get, simply if you are not making the time, why would they? If you are not there, why would they? I could go on and on… I chose to give everything to them, from the time they were born, till this very moment and I can say I know they all do the same. Happy Birthday to my one and only son, thank you for giving me all that you have! I can not wait for more adventures, concerts and just living life with you, you inspire me, motivate me and truly amaze me each and every day! For that I am grateful.

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Anyone who is struggling with their relationships with their kids, stop and think about what you are giving them. I am not a better person or luckier, I have just put in what I wanted to get out…

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2 thoughts on “You get what you give…”

Fantastic post. I’m sure your positive outlook will encourage a number of people in similar situations. Sounds like you have a very special relationship with your kids, and that is so awesome. Thanks for sharing, and keep up the good work!

That is all I hope to do. I have been through so many things in my life, but they do not define me… I believe there is always another way to look at things, one with as much love and peace as possible!! I do and that is one of things I am beyond thankful for!!!