This is our record of the short life of our son, Samuel, and the days following. Samuel was born on August 1, 2009 with several heart defects and very sick lungs. He died on August 31, 2009. August was a holy month for us,and we are so grateful for the days we had with our third son. We are convinced that our God, who carried us through each moment, is GOOD and TRUSTWORTHY. We are learning to praise Him in new ways and depend on Him more fully as we grieve Samuel.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Just a quick update because I'm sure people are wondering...Samuel is much the same. Between the two of us, we spent much of the night with him. He is back on the oscillator because his blood gases were continuing to go south in the night. We haven't been able to be with him since shift change at 6:45 this morning, but we're hoping to get back soon. Samuel's little neighbor, K, just got back from his pace maker surgery, so we have to wait until he's settled. (Incidentally, K's parents got to hold him for the first time yesterday. I am genuinely happy for them.) Our favorite nurse, Richard, is back with us today, and he just called to say we can come back and sit with Samuel. I think Bryan will give a more detailed update fairly soon. Again, thank you for praying!

Heavenly Father, I am amazed at the gifts you bring us, even in the midst of the fiercest tempest. I am so thankful that in clinging so tightly to you, Bryan and Kat see those gifts for what they are - your presence with them and your love for them manifested in truly tangible ways. Thank you for your angel Richard. Thank you for bringing Samuel to a family that can love him so well and so thoroughly through such a difficult start. And for bringing him into a family whose support system can wrap them in your love and carry them through whatever may come, such that every aspect of this tremendously difficult phase of their journey brings You glory. You are the Master Healer, and you created Samuel in Your image. Whether you give or take away, no matter how or when you choose to heal Samuel, we know that you hold Samuel tightly in the palm of Your hand, and thank you for whatever time he spends with us. Thank you for the peace you have for Bryan and Kat, Caleb and Joel. Give them continued courage to rest in that peace and to trust your perfect plan. I am humbled and awed at the faith they are exhibiting, and am privileged to "carry their water" through this valley. I sing of Your great faithfulness and love. How can my heart be so full and so broken? What an amazing glimpse into your heart. And what a story to tell. I pass our "prayer baton" to the Holy Spirit, knowing that he has the ear and the heart of God, and the words we don't, to express our heart's cry effectively. Thank you for covering the Apinis family, and for winding your way through their situation like a weaver's shuttle through the strands of their lives, stitching their hearts closer to yours as You do. Amen.

Jonathan Thiel is in my community group and shared your story with us. I want you to know that our Community Group is praying for Samuel and you both as parents. praying for God to be the God of all comforts.