At The World Cup, Some Teams Are Forbidden To Score

There's a lot of blue balls amongst those black and white checkered ones.

As the World Cup begins its month-long domination of global pop culture, it's easy to imagine the invading army of professional football players settling in to their own month-long campaign of sexual conquests amongst Brazil's famously beautiful women. And while for some this is the case, Quartzreports that many teams have banned, or at least restricted, from scoring off the field—a move that has randomly gained the seal of approval from Kenyan elders.

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While countries including as the United States, Australia, Italy, and the Netherlands are allowed to have their way with as many women as will allow it, Chile, Mexico, Bosnia / Herzegovina, and Russia explicitly forbid fornication. France takes a more modest approach, allowing it, but discouraging any "all night activities." Spain and Germany are cool with coitus, but not the night before a match. Costa Rica has to wait until the second round, while hometown heroes Brazil can get busy but should avoid getting "acrobatic" in their erotic endeavors.

Luckily for those not sanctioned to sex it up, a sympathetic Leonardo DiCaprio is in town picking up their slack, where he hosted 50 local women at a rented-out-nightclub, then bolstered their numbers by flying in 30 more. After shutting down the club, he and his estrogen-charged entourage absconded to a $400 million super yacht, where they raged through until the next night.

In a World Cup that is already seeing record amounts of scoring, DiCaprio may well be the MVP.

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