Was A Dementor Spotted in Michigan Earlier This Week?

This story is great on a couple levels; the imagination of the caller and the humor of the police. It’s also slightly less great when you realize this story happened here in Michigan rather than Florida, which is home to crazy people stories.

Essexville Public Safety Department posted a status on Facebook Wednesday because they received a call from a concerned citizen who thought they saw a Dementor in one of the city parks.

"Dementors are among the foulest creatures that walk this earth. They infest the darkest, filthiest places, they glory in decay and despair, they drain peace, hope, and happiness out of the air around them... Get too near a Dementor and every good feeling, every happy memory will be sucked out of you. If it can, the Dementor will feed on you long enough to reduce you to something like itself... soulless and evil. You will be left with nothing but the worst experiences of your life."

So you can see why seeing on in the park would be scary! Fortunately, the Essexville PSD was aware of all problems, both real and mystical and it’s proof by their post:

This is particularly concerning since everyone knows muggles can’t see dementors and because our only officer able to perform the Patronus charm is off duty.

Best response ever. They also confirmed the dementor sighting was merely a floating trash bag. And apparently, there wasn’t a weird guy filming it floating either (shout out American Beauty).

The end reassurance was also great:

The Ministry of Magic assures us that all dementors are accounted for at Azkaban.

Way to go Essexville PSD, kudos for your humor and reminding us to throw our trash away!