Working in Vegas at Camp Tulo

LAS VEGAS — I don’t gamble. Don’t play cards. Not tempted to pull arms on slot-machines. But I placed a bet on my survival Wednesday. Against better judgment, I agreed to attempt a morning workout at Camp Tulo.

My life has trained me to write. Not fight. Or lift. Or do much to raise my heart rate, save for nightly deadlines. Still, I tied the shoes, checked my wallet to make sure I had organ donor checked on my license and walked to the first station at the Philippi Sports Institute.

There I joined Tulowitzki, Jason Giambi, Dexter Fowler, Nolan Arenado and Josh Rutledge. Now I know how Lyle Lovett felt standing next to Julia Roberts.

Mark Philippi, a famous strongman and trainer, delivered instructions.

I am convinced that Phillippi could use me as dental floss. So I listened. There were nine stations, each more cruel than the next. The workout began with heavy ball throws overhead, then chest passes, side tosses and bouncing.

From there, it was onto the heavy ropes. The idea is to slam them into the ground with two arms, then alternate arms. Desperate, I wondered if I could throw the rope over a light fixture and climb out of the chimney. Kind of like of a bizarro Santa. This would be my Christmas gift to myself.

Real runners were next. This is a diabolical eliptical machine that combines push-up strength with cardio. Peanut butter and jelly make sense to me. Cookies and milk? Sure. Push-ups and cardio? Not so much.

I labored through to the plate clean and press. If only it were clean plate and press onto dessert. That I could nail. I did interval training with my sons at Trials in Fort Collins this fall. The difference today was that there was no recovery period in between stations, save for my walk of shame to the next spot.

The athletes in the group were predictably impressive. Tulo is a carved 215 pounds. Arenado’s body type has changed dramatically from two years ago, leaving him more lean and strong. Fowler is more muscular than I have ever seen him. Rutledge is wiry and athletic. Giambi, at 40, went through the workouts with ease, part trainer, part-father figure to his current and future teammates.

He cut through this work like a knife through butter. MMMmmm butter.

Understandably, the athletes recognized my limitations.

“Don’t worry, there’s a defibrillator on site,” Giambi told me with a smile.

Inverted rows were next. Tommy Bolin, Giambi’s personsal assistant, provided encouragement. These rows are really hard. Even without any other exercise. The guys in this class have all the fat of a Snack Wells cookie. This is where my winter blubber worked against me. Then again, if there’s a snowstorm in Colorado that requires six weeks of hibernation, guess who’ll be safe?

Tired, I staggered onto the big monster-truck tire on the back of the room.

Perfect, I thought. If I could just pick it up, gravity could help roll it over my chest, ending my workout, if not my life. The drill at the tire? Sledgehammers. This was actually fun, slamming it repeatedly. This is something of practical use. All I have to do is figure out how to fit the hammer in my backpack so I can use it to, um, fix my computer on West Coast deadlines.

What does it tell you about the difficulty of a workout when you look forward to 30 split-squats? Standing and falling gently toward the ground. That I can do.

Decline push-ups and leg setups completed the circuit. My face was on fire, my breath halting. The players went through five times. Excess in anything is never good. I stopped at one. A lonely, if not comforting number.

I picked up my camera and notepad, writing in 45 seconds intervals. You know, it’s never too early to start training for spring training.

Patrick, a third-generation Colorado native, is back for his second stint covering the Rockies. He first covered the team from 2005-2009, helping chronicle “Rocktober” in 2007 and also following the team’s playoff run in 2009.

Nick Groke has worked at The Denver Post since 1997, as a sports reporter, city reporter, entertainment writer and digital editor and producer, among other newsroom posts. He also writes regularly about boxing, soccer, MMA and NASCAR.