The disturbing stone; the hidden pain of sexual abuse

by Derek Hennessy

Imagine a still blue lake on a calm day; a light breeze is blowing and
the birds are merrily chirping away in the nearby trees. It’s an ordinary day in
the lifetime of this lake, with the slight ebb and flow of water on its shore;
nature is just taking its course. After a while, someone is noticed standing
nearby on the shore. He has been on the shore before, quietly and unobtrusively
walking along. This time is different though; he picks up a stone and throws it
into the lake. It lands in the middle of the lake, sinking fast into the
waters. It has all happened so fast that all that is noticed are the ripples on
the water’s surface. Soon the water will be calm again - to someone who wasn’t there when that stone
was thrown, it might have never happened. It will look like that stone never
entered the surface of that lake, but underneath, the stone will be there for a
long, long time. Whenever there is a storm, it will be moved along the bed of
the lake, stirring things up.

Now imagine a child, boy or girl, it doesn’t matter, going about their
business, as children do, maybe playing make-believe shop or scoring the
winning goal for ‘their team’ in the Champions League Final. They have no idea
how long they have been out playing, but it can’t be long because Mummy always
calls them in if they are out too long. They notice someone standing nearby,
watching them, they have seen him before but don’t know his name. Daddy knows
his name though, they went to see a football match with him one day, and on the
way home he bought the child a packet of sweets, and Daddy said he was a nice
man for being so kind. The man comes over to the child and chats for a while.
He gives the child a reason for the child to go with him and the child does so.
The child has been told not to go with strangers, but this man isn’t a
stranger, he knows Daddy. What happens next is going to impact that child’s
life forever; the man sexually abuses the child.

The child
is the lake, the paedophile is the stranger on the shore and the abuse is the
stone sitting on the lake bed, or in this case, is sitting in the child’s soul,
forever. Every so often as the child grows, he/she will realise that something
is wrong. He may or may not remember what happened that afternoon. It may be
years later when he has a flashback to what happened that day. It may have only
happened once, or it may have gone on for years. The paedophile may have
convinced the child to keep what happened a secret, or the child may have gone
home and told his parents straight away.

No matter what, that stone now lies at the bottom of that child’s soul
and it’s going to cause some very difficult days ahead for them. As the child
grows older and matures, the effects of the abuse will come to the surface.
Every survivor of sexual abuse will be affected differently, but there is a
usually anger, hate, denial, suppression, shock, grief and secrecy. The emotions that the victim goes through
vary from one survivor to another but numbness, disbelief, anxiety,
humiliation, embarrassment and shame are just some that will feature in a
survivor’s healing. Each of these emotions is one ripple that was on the
surface of the lake when the stone entered the water.

There are Rape Crisis Centres all over the world. At the centre in
Sligo, North-West Ireland, it is stated “the pain of being sexually abused can
be carried into adulthood in different ways. It can affect self-esteem,
self-confidence and the ability to trust others. Often survivors feel they do
not deserve to be loved or to be happy. Feelings of ‘badness’ or ‘self-blame’
may lead to abusive relationships or over-reliance on substances such as
alcohol or drugs, to dull the pain. Often adults who have been abused have
nightmares, or memories in the form of flashbacks. Many just want to get on
with their lives and put the past behind them. Often life events such as a new
relationship, having a baby, the death of a loved one or reports of sexual
abuse in the media may trigger painful emotions and memories of past abuse”.

Rape Crisis Networks are groups
that all homeopaths should be aware of and be prepared to refer their clients
to the counsellors there, who have specific training in the area of abuse and
can be a major benefit to survivors.

Lack of trust can be a major hurdle for a survivor to overcome,
impacting on many areas of their life, especially their relationships. Who can
they tell? How do they tell them? Will they be believed? Will that person tell
someone else? Finding that one person who they can tell and trust is a huge
undertaking for the survivor, because they have no idea how that person will
react.

The loss of trust in intimate relationships can be lost, which can be
very painful. The experience can cause promiscuity or prevent the person from
becoming close to anyone. The memories & confusion of the abuse can be so
painful that avoiding any intimacy can feel easier than attempting to deal with
memories resurfacing from their past. These feelings can lead to the breakdown
of relationships, causing the survivor to question why they have intimacy
problems and can’t stay in a relationship; they may even question their
sexuality.

It is a vicious circle for survivors, who really struggle with the vast
number of ways that the abuse has affected their lives. The ‘lucky’ ones are
those who have realised that the abuse has happened and that it is affecting
them. The struggle for the survivor who hasn’t realised that yet, is difficult.
They are like that lake of water that is choppy and uncomfortable, grey in
colour, uninviting to others, with a disturbing stone sitting in its depths
stirring up unwanted silt and dirt.

As homoeopaths, we are privileged to know that one of these survivors
may at any time pick up the phone and ring us for an appointment. They may or
may not know what the issue is with their health, but during the case taking
process, they may divulge a secret that has been laying in their soul for a
long time, perhaps for years, and the homoeopath may become the first person,
apart from the paedophile, who knows of the abuse. This is a privileged
position for the homoeopath to be in as they have the case-taking skills, the
time, and most of all the remedies at their disposal to be able to start the
healing process for the client.

Hello,
My name is Denise. I am a survivor of childhood
sexual abuse. The most difficult aspect of being a survivor aside from the journey from hell is trying to explain to people what it is like. Thank you for this article. Thank you for the words that I have not been able to find or express in thirteen years.

Denise

Posts: 6

Sexual AbuseReply #5 on : Wed August 17, 2011, 09:10:38

A very good article to probe into many unexplained emotions in female patients.
Can you please mention one or two cases, to know the different manifestations of such incidents in the patient's lives?

Posts: 6

Reply to DerekReply #4 on : Sun August 07, 2011, 00:10:18

Very well put Derek. The ramifications of sexual abuse go on throughout a person's whole life. With the help of homoeopathy and initial counselling, it certainly does take the layers off the burden that is left. Thank you for your thoughts on this.

Posts: 6

Re:Reply #3 on : Thu July 14, 2011, 16:16:54

Very good article. It is well expressed and highlights the deep and ongoing pain that victims carry throughout their lives.

Posts: 6

The Trauma of Sexual AbuseReply #2 on : Sun July 03, 2011, 07:53:12

Thank you very much, Derek, for approaching this “taboo theme“. Even among us homeopaths it is not as much considered as should be and many patients would not tell about a former sexual abuse in a usual first interview or in follow ups. As a rule, it takes them quite a while to find enough confidence to a homeopath, psychotherapist or whoever, to be able to tell about it. Also, there are persons who would tell that only to a therapist of the same sex. So we do not even know of many of the cases of sexual abuse. However, to my experience at a rehab centre for psychosomatic disorders, it is much more common than is expected, and is often done by close relatives, and sometimes over years, and it seems to occur in every culture. – As to rape, the number of those suffering from Post traumatic stress disorder is very high. A professional trauma therapy is then indicated.

In homeopathy, we may be successful with the remedies listed in the rubric “ailments from sexual abuse”, but there are certainly more remedies that may be helpful. Not only would I put the nightshades (Belladonna, Hyoscyamus, Stramonium) in the third grade, but I think that also Cantharis and others would be useful. Also, the very experienced homeopath Peter Chappell developed remedies for various kinds of trauma (see the website of the Amma Resonance Healing Foundation www.ARHF.nl), and I have already seen some lovely results with them, even in a case of extreme trauma.

May your article open up the field for further discussion.

Posts: 6

Re:Reply #1 on : Sat July 02, 2011, 11:22:46

Absolutely and very profoundly put.I could sense the passion as i read the words