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Sunday, August 8, 2010

The Truth Whisperer

My husband and I have a nickname for our friend Erin. We call her the “Anger Handler”. If Erin is your friend and someone has ever done something to hurt you, all you need do is tell her the grievous nature of this attack, and then let go. When I do this with her, she gets ten times angrier that I’d ever allow myself to be, ranting and raving about this horrible person and all the ways she should meet her doom. The funny thing is it polarizes me. Erin is so angry at said perpetrator, there isn’t any room, nor need, for me to be angry. My husband Troy and I joke about how we want to make some popcorn, sit back and watch Erin “handle” our anger for us, now and then commenting…”Yeah, yeah, that’s a good one. I should have said that. What else you got?” As if suddenly we are voyeurs into our own crisis. She could do a stand up act. Just let the audience members throw any story at her of how they were done wrong, and then let her at it. I’m telling you, it would sell out! Everyone could use an anger handler!

In my own way, I guess that’s what I’m trying to do with truth. We’ve had a lot of dramarama in our lives the past six months, and my husband doesn’t really want to talk to people about it. He’s really kind of embarrassed by it. But me? I hang my dirty laundry out on the line for the whole world to see. Call it a strange obsession, a birth defect maybe. I don’t know. I was born to tell it like it is. I give voice to some dark things. I’m learning through the comments and feedback I get that these are things others might feel, but never say out loud. So I do it for them, much to the chagrin of my husband. I’m in training to be a “Truth Whisperer”.I’ll say the scary ugly stuff you don’t want to say…and you can go make some popcorn.: )

People have commented how brave I am to tell the truth, how hard that must be. But here’s the secret - it’s actually easy. What’s hard is trying to project an image that I have it all together, that I’m not insecure, neurotic, damaged, confused, afraid. It is unbelievably liberating to tell the truth.

So here are a few “truths” for today:

I’m forty six years old.

I’m terrified of aging.

I doubt myself as a parent.

I often feel like a failure.

I worry in the middle of the night, which leads to pacing the house “checking” things…windows, doors, electrical outlets

I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression all throughout my life.

I’m vain.

I’ve been estranged from my mother’s side of the family for seven years, which feels like a colossal failure

I’m cynical and jaded but want to get back to hopeful

I watch reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond.

There, I’ve said it.

(Can I get a witness on any of the above?)

And you know what happens after I release it? I am lighter. I think to myself…yeah so I’m damaged and imperfect….so what. It’s really not that big a deal. I’ve gotten the scary stuff out and made room inside to feel all the good things that want to occupy space in my heart instead. Love, gratitude, joy….

So this is my mission: to be a Truth Whisperer and encourage others to do the same. I’m telling you, it’s not that bad once you get used to it, so jump in – the water’s fine!

9 comments:

Okay: I am 47. I don't doubt myself as a parent and worry that I ought to. My need for success often trumps my being able to appreciate the here and now. I am scared I'll leave no creative legacy and I don't really understand why that's so important to me. I am not easily hurt, but when I am, it cuts deep and takes forever to heal. I am still naive at 47. I am not as smart as I think I am. And anxiety is my nemesis.

I am almost 62. I have always been a truther and love that about me. I wear everything on my sleeve. What I think is out my mouth sometimes not good. I interrupt a lot-some complain. From around 40 I started taking anti-depressives and my hopelessness disappear. I will never stop taking them. I read People Magazine and love it cover to cover. For a few years I smoked one cigarette a day and loved it. But then it was 2 and I stopped. I have good willpower excepting for eating sweets which almost got me diabetes a year or so ago. I still eat them with way more moderation. I would like to have a partner who would let me live my life and love me just the same. I could go on and on.

I too doubt myself as a parent, often thinking I missed the chance to instill something in my child. Is it too late? I don't know, but I try to do my best. The scary part about aging is that we often can't do what we used to, or are slower at it or not as good. All we can do is keep trying, take care of ourselves as best we can. Some days start off like a big "downer" and sometimes out of nowhere comes something good that makes you think... "I'm glad I didn't give up on this day"... bassmomma ....

love the truth...even the hard stuff...you speak it and you can literally feel your soul grow.I'm 57...love my work but afraid that I'll be exposed as a fraud, I drink too much coffee, i hate exercise and spend too much time jiggling the chubby tire around my middle; I complain and do little about it, I love shopping at the goodwill and then telling anyone who will listen how much it cost, I would lie, cheat and steal for chocolate and it is hard for me to ask for what I need....there, I said it!

I am 57, divorced for too long to remember, and with no children. I work from home, which I love. I've become much too isolated from the rest of the world, which I hate. I internalize too much for my own good, and speak up too little. I fear no one will remember me when I'm gone. I miss my mother terribly, and feel guilty that I don't miss my father enough. I'm terrified of ending up alone and penniless. I drink too much bad coffee, too little good wine, and definitely not enough water. I write to keep myself sane. I'd give the world for a vacation, and someone with whom to spend it. And I pray, hope against hope, for Publishers' Clearinghouse to pull my number while I'm still able to enjoy the benefits.

Welcome to the club Gail! And Kristine I loved your blog today!At least we can all hold each others hands through the dark and scary stuff, and know that none of us is trudging through it alone.love,Hollye

I really did the truther today when I told my boyfriend (on and off for 10 years) I wanted to date others. I have been not getting my needs met for a longtime and finally just decided I was worth more than he was able to give. He loves me the best way he can but not nearly close to my needs which are very low as it came to him. They are rising!!!!!!!!!!!!

About Me

I am a happily married mom of three who spends her time writing, singing, painting, hiking, rescuing strays, doing yoga and spending time with great friends. I have a new book, DANCING AT THE SHAME PROM (Seal Press) co-edited with Amy Ferris, and have written 2 memoirs. I have opinions and thoughts about everything, so rather than torture the people I love with my constant pontification, I put it all on my blog and in books. Now the people that actually WANT to hear my opinions, can. : )