Chapter 16

Navero, male human cleric, 3rd level
Dania, female 1/2-elf MU, 3rd level
Rourk Ravensbane, male drow cavalier, 3rd level
Kortul, male human fighter, 2nd level
Razuli, male human fighter, 2nd level
Arlor, male dwarf thief, 2nd level
Very few mornings were more painful than the one to greet our heroes
after the dragon slaying. Actually, it wasn't morning at all anymore,
despite the early hour at which they had turned in. But, being awake,
it now was obviously time for us to go out and exploit our new-found
wealth.
Razuli: (Calls downstairs) "Room service! Breakfast!"
(Short wait. Door opens.)
Maid: "You called for breakfast, sir?"
Razuli: "Yeah." (Flips her an electrum) "Anything else you think you
can do for me this morning?" (Looks her up and down, grins
broadly.)
Maid: "I don't think so, sir. Breakfast in a few minutes."
(Another short wait. Razuli re-strings and cleans his crossbow.)
Maid: (Opens door. Has tray with steak, fruit juice, eggs.)
Razuli: (Points crossbow.) "Big, isn't it? Wanna feel it?"
Maid: (Leaves tray at door and leaves very quickly.)
First things first: we repaid the moneychanger, then went to the
temple for a healing. Not being believers, and having already used
their services so recently, we could only wrangle a Cure Serious
Wounds for each of us; Navero cured most of the remainder. We then
asked Dania to identify the magic items; this she readily agreed to,
as she was very curious about the staff and book.
Ring of Protection, +1
Longsword, +1, +4 vs. reptiles
Two-handed Sword, +1
Staff of Thunder and Lightning
Spellbook with 17 spells, 1st - 5th level
Razuli quickly claimed the Lizard sword, as he had been he one to
risk picking it up. Kortul got the two-hander, and Dania the staff
and book. Arlor got the ring, over Dania's objection that she had the
least protection and so should also get it. Rourk was obviously
disappointed by the outcome, but didn't contest it.
We each went our separate ways, agreeing to meet sometime at the
tavern to discuss plans for the future. The more sensible among us
spent the time resting and replacing damaged clothing and equipment.
Some, however, felt it necessary to do otherwise.
Razuli: "*Hic!* I'm RICH! Everbodee ges a drink onme."
Tavern Master: "Sure. That'll be 10 gold."
Rourk: "Despite the obvious fact that we are the only ones here?"
Tav M: "You not like it, sir?"
Rourk: "Please, go right ahead. You may feel free to bilk my
inebriated servant out of whatever you wish."
Razuli: "SERVENT?! I'll hav yu k-no I am a DRAGULSLIPPER!"
Rourk: "Mercenary, do not breathe on me again."
Razuli: "I castraded a dragon! Whoopee!"
Rourk: "Rather difficult to do with a female dragon."
Razuli: "Oh. Gess it yelled for 'nother reason. Ha ha HA ha hA!!"
Tav M: "Care to have a drink on it, sir? 15 gold."
Razuli: "I CANN BEET UP-PTHH ANYBLOODY IN THISH BARR!!"
Tav M: "Should I put him to bed, sir?"
Rourk: "No, good fellow. His antics are amusing."
Razuli: "I CUN BEET UP U!"
Rourk: "I'll wager that stag head is shaking in its mountings."
Razuli: "Bedder be. I'm a DRAGOHMSTIFFER! Tink i'll drink to dat."
Tav M: "Here you go. That'll be 25 gold."
Razuli: "Shanks. Yur a good fella. Do u k-no what I did?"
Rourk: "Yes. Soiled your armor."
Razuli: "Beside that. I... am a DRAGIMSPLAYER! I'm a buff dude!"
Tav M: "Yeah, great. You sound like you could use a drink."
Razuli: "No phanks, I'm walking! Hee hee hee HEE HeE hEe heE" (thud)
Rourk: "I suppose you may put him up now. And also, remember those
who do the title Dragonslayer its proper office."
Tav M: "I'll try, Sir. Good night."
Dania returned to her master's house after her own rest, with the
idea of getting in some more study (for the next level.) She went
into the house, and was taken to his workroom, where she saw the brain
suspended in some bubbling golden fluid, with wires attached to it.
Master: "Welcome, apprentice. You have done tolerably well."
Dania: "Thanks. I thought you might like it."
Master: "Did you, now? You presume to know my mind?"
Dania: "No! No, never, Master! It's just that these aren't, uh...
common."
Master: "Hmph. Ah, well. It was good you found one within range.
Was it living out in the swamps?"
Dania: "Yes, it was."
Master: "Getting one this recently dead is a rare thing. Although
your excision shows you have little skill in handling a knife.
In the future, you are to concentrate on improving that."
Dania: "No problem."
Master: "You may go now. Clean the laboratory on the second floor.
And have care to get under the tables."
Dania: "Yes. Bye!" (Scampers off.)
Things went on in this vein until the next day, when, with a
shriek like that made by a quark being violated by a meson, Dania was
suddenly drawn into the Master's workroom. The brain still floated in
it's tank, everything seemed normal, but she could tell that Master
was angry - VERY angry, but about what she didn't know.
Master: "You, and your little friends: where exactly did you get
this?"
Dania: "Uh... from a dragon. In the swamp. In a cave."
Master: "Was it, by any SMALL chance, a Red Dragon named Lentic?"
Dania: "Uh, we weren't, uh... introduced."
Master: "No. You simply went up and beat on it, didn't you, with
swords and things? I see. And liberated Them through sheer
clumsiness!"
Dania: "Them? You mean those idiots?"
Master: "Yes. Those idiots. Observe, prestidagitador."
A basalt slab on one wall went misty, then cleared, and Dania saw
The Three standing outside the house.
Paladin 1: "Right! Here we go, now!"
Paladin 3: "I'm gonna kill him! Dibs!"
Three swords rose up, and three swords came down, smashing the
outside wall to splinters of foul-looking wood. The Three entered,
and arrogantly walked down the hall outside the first floor library,
and into a hall Dania had been told never to enter. After about 10
feet or so, a pit opened beneath their feet, and they fell into a pool
of acid. They quickly dissolved, and the liquid was siphoned off and
poured into a Sphere of Annihilation, gone forever.
Dania: "Well, that took care of it."
Master: "Hm..."
The swords had not dissolved, but instead sank to the bottom. As
they watched, they rose up into the air, and The Three re-formed out
of shining mist.
Dania: "Shit!"
Paladin 2: "Say, why don't we try a different approach?"
Paladin 3: "Yeah, I'm sick of traps. They're boring."
Paladin 1: "Right, then. Lets go back, and get the heavy artillery."
Paladin 3: "YEAH! He'll never know what hit him!" (Cackles in a most
un-Paladinish fashion.)
Master: (*Sigh*) "Do you have any IDEA how much trouble it was to get
them into the globe in the first place?"
Dania: "Lots?"
Master: "Apprentice, there is one thing you can do."
Dania: "What is it, Master?"
Master: "Say, `oops.'"
Dania: "Oops?"
Master: "Yes, very good. Wonderful last words." (Makes an arcane
gesture...)
VVV VVV AAA DDDDDD AAA BBBBBB LLL AAA MMM MMM
VVV VVV AAAAA DDDDDDDD AAAAA BBBBBBBB LLL AAAAA MMM MMM
VVV VVV AAA AAA DDD DDD AAA AAA BBB BBB LLL AAA AAA MMMM MMMM
VVV VVV AAA AAA DDD DDD AAA AAA BBBBBBB LLL AAA AAA MMMMMMMMM
VVVVV AAAAAAA DDD DDD AAAAAAA BBB BBB LLL AAAAAAA MMM M MMM
VVV AAA AAA DDDDDDDD AAA AAA BBBBBBBB LLL AAA AAA MMM MMM
V AAA AAA DDDDDD AAA AAA BBBBBB LLLLLLL AAA AAA MMM MMM
Game Master: The whole house shakes. Your Master, who never got a
chance to complete his spell, is sprawled on the floor. You have
been thrown conveniently near an exit.
Dania: (Runs.)
Dania dived out of a window and landed in the street.
Everywhere, there were explosions and concussions and flying bits of
building. She got up to run, but ran into one of the paladins.
Paladin 2: "Hold, vile... wait a moment! You look slightly familiar."
Dania: "Uh, it's me! The damsel in distress, remember?"
Paladin 2: "Oh, a damsel in distress! You must be a maiden princess
held captive by that nefarious sorcerer! Oh, how romantic! Fear
not, gentle dove! I shall save you! Bring justice to your cruel
oppressors! Avenge your honor! Return you to your pining
family, who even now search for you everywhere! GOD, THIS IS THE
LIFE!!"
Dania: "Uh, right. What's THAT thing?"
Paladin 2: "This? But a Surface-to-Air missile launcher. But hold!
My companions call to me! The evil magician is gone, having fled
his chambers of power, to power to other chambers, no doubt! We
must pursue him wherever he goes, for that is our destiny!"
(The streets light up as a missile tears open a hole in a nearby
house.)
Paladin 2: "Oops! Oh, well. It is nothing next to the banishing of
evil."
Dania: "Uh, thank you for rescuing me, kind sir, I believe I'll go
someplace and hide right now, bye!" (Flees)
(Passes Rourk and Navero, who are coming to see what is going on.)
Dania: "JUST RUN, YOU IDIOTS!!"
(Navero and Rourk look up the street, and see a tank rolling towards
them, blasting the walls out of various buildings. They run.)
Somehow, after a great deal of running around and screaming, the
party managed to assemble itself outside the tavern. We all went in;
in the common room were a very familiar looking town official and
about 20 town guardsmen. They were talking to the tavern master, and
didn't seem to notice us, so we decided not to disturb them, just go
upstairs and get the money and stuff we left up in our rooms...
Official: "*!)> YOU!!! <(!*"
Party: "us?"
Official: "GET. OVER. HERE. AND. HAVE. A. SEAT. IF. YOU. PLEASE."
Party: The guardsmen all look rather peeved, and didn't seem to like
us. We got over there and sat.
Official: "Would any of you just HAPPEN to know anything about THREE
PALADINS who are wandering our streets committing mayhem?"
Dania: "Us? Oh, no no no."
Razuli: "What a silly question! What have you been smoking?"
Navero: "Uh, *ow!*" (Dania drives her staff into his foot.)
Guard 1: "Why won't yu let 'im speak, yur li'l wizzerdship?"
Official: "Never mind. I think you know. But I realize that it
probably isn't your fault that they are here. I have heard of
these Three; they are as powerful as they are stupid, and not to
be swayed by any mortal's wishes. Nothing stops them, not even
common sense. Probably just an acquaintance, brief and fleeting,
as I doubt you have much to do with such cosmic beings. As such,
there is very little we can legally do to you."
Guard 2: "How about, `illegally', your Lordship?
Official: "We do not do such things. Is any of what I have said
true?"
Razuli: "Well..."
Dania: "Yes, it is. We met them in the Dragon's cave, and we parted
company immediately afterwards."
Rourk: "We have, very easily, at least as low an opinion of them as
you yourselves seem to."
Official: "Good." (Brings out some papers.) "So, you are the closest
living thing to a friend they have, and so can be considered
next-of-kin, which of course makes you liable for any damages
they do."
Party: "WHAT?!?"
Official: "Naturally, we have already confiscated those goods of yours
we found on the premises, and you will be expected to remain here
and do community service work until all the damages are paid for,
in full, with interest as applies. Guards?"
The conversation quickly degenerated after that. Kortul kicked
the official in the groin and threw the table into the guards; Dania
cast a Sleep spell into the main mass of guardsmen and dived out the
window. Arlor dived out after her. Razuli decided that would be a
good idea, too. Kortul went to keep them company.
Dania: "GET *OFF* OF ME!!"
Arlor: "Sorry." (Thump!)
Kortul: (Runs for stables.)
Razuli: "Arlor! Get a good look up her robe?"
Dania: "Fuck off, Razuli."
Arlor: "Actually, I did..."
Dania: "AAHHH!!!" (Tries to kill Arlor with her staff.)
Kortul: (Brings out horses.) "LET'S GO!"
Dania: (snarls) "When I get my hands on you..."
Razuli: "You'll what, show him some more?"
(Meanwhile, back inside...)
Navero: (Hiding under a table.)
Rourk: "Ha! If you think that I would surrender to" *CLANG!* (Chair
comes down on his helmet.) "... right. Priest! Let's be off!"
Navero: "Uh, I'm sorry, but I think we must be going. Your request is
unjust and unreasonable."
Official: "*stop them!*"
(Navero makes it out the door, guards right behind him. Rest of party
rides around, Dania Sleeps more guards. Rourk jumps onto his horse.
Navero climbs onto his horse. Guardsmen on horses arrive and start
chasing the group.)
Horsemen: "Halt, in the name of law and order!"
Navero: "Faster, Kumquat!"
Arlor: "You named your horse Kumquat?"
Navero: "Well... he's the right color."
Dania: "That's a mare, Nav."
Navero: "A what?"
...and so, our heroes rode off into the sunset, pursued by the
local law enforcement authorities. Eventually, as the sounds of
distant explosions became only a fading memory, we bravely set forth
to see what the next town would be like.
Daniel Parsons "I've never been chased by the police before!
Gee, this is kind of exciting!"