The Magic Bean of Self Esteem.

Self esteem often seems like a magic bean – when you have it safely in the palm of your hand everything is just fine, but when it gets lost, it feels like bad things are sure to happen.

In the past I didn’t recognise that it was self esteem that was making me struggle. I’d blame the feelings of general crappiness and low mood on everything from the weather, to hormones, to depressing world events, to being overwhelmed. And, all those things do contribute, but now I know to look deeper.

Deep down at to bottom of it all, I often find my self esteem, crumpled and broken.

That’s where it is right now, sitting scrunched up at the bottom of my wardrobe, in the dark, with the dust bunnies.

I don’t know what caused it to do a runner this time, though to be honest, my self esteems has always been a bit fragile. I just know that when it’s gone, everything seems harder.

It’s harder to be a parent.
It’s harder to be a friend.
It’s harder to be me.

I’m working on coaxing my self esteem back out of the darkness.
I’m working on smoothing out the crumples and building it back up to something that resembles myself, but it’s not easy.

I coax my self esteem back by making sure I am not overwhelmed, by making time for self care, and by confronting it. But managing those things is a delicate balancing act.

I know that I need to be kind to myself, and make time to do simple things that make me feel good. And I know that taking on too much and being stressed out won’t help at all. But I also know that my self esteem would like to me to say no to everything right now, so it can stay safely in the bottom of the wardrobe, so I’ve learned to confront it.

I drag my battered and broken self esteem with me and make it go to the shops, and the school event, and the blogging meet up. I make it design printables and write articles, even if they are not perfect (like this one). And I force it to make instagram stories, no matter how much it hates our double chins or the sound of our own voice.

I challenge myself to remember that I am a good person, with lots to offer this world. I confront it with that every day, until it remembers too.

Does your self esteem ever go missing?

Please tell me I am not alone with this whole crap self esteem thing?

What do you do you do to drag your self esteem back up and get back to normal?

Read the comments or scroll down to add your own:

your not alone! i try to play music, watch good movies, dance, sing and do silly things. i try to go to community events and catchup with old friends. i also try to journal regularly but i know im going to have to go back to therapy just for peace of mind <3 thank u for this article there are alot of people i know that will benefit from reading this and just learning that they arent alone and that self esteem is important part of our everyday lives, nomatter how we try to avoid it

Music is a great idea… I definitely need more music in my life. And I really should think about a journal, so sketching or something… and therapy is good too, whatever it is you need to do to find some grace for yourself! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, it really makes such a difference to know we are not alone :)

We are all too hard on ourselves. I am currently trying to juggle a very busy parttime job with uni study, and I have three young kids. My friends say I’m amazing for fitting it all in. The reality is that I’m averaging about 3 hours’ sleep a night, and my self esteem is smushed in the corner. I currently feel like I’m the worst mother, the worst wife… and I’m spreading myself so thin I don’t feel particularly good at my job or study either. Yet I look at someone like you who seems to have it all together… I wish I was the mum who was there for their family, always had a creative activity to keep their kids engaged, and always wrote everything so eloquently. Isn’t life silly?

We are all fighting our own battles. We all need to be gentle on ourselves. Thanks for sharing.

Oh it is so easy to scroll through social media and feel like everyone but you has their life together… it makes me glad that I shared this because I am seriously a total mess most of the time, and just barely keeping it all together, and that is totally fine! We all do what we need to do the best way we can… and now we just need to remember to be kind to ourselves!

We learn to be” kind” – offer kindness, compassion to others, however to offer this to ourselves ???????Hmmmmm? We may have implicitly learned that if I’m Kind to myself, I’ll slide back, becoming complacent. Or if…. Or if…. list goes on. I’ve looked into my belief systems and question this with curiosity n compassion.

I’ve learnt to tell myself if I’m kind to me, I’ve tasted it, hence when I offer it to others, it’s genuinely done versus ‘ hollow words ‘
It’s easier said than done, and been a journey learning to ” love me”! No regrets, …

Yes to all of that. Am reading The Wellness Revelation and She’s Still There. They are helping but I have to read them slowly, have time to absorb them. Have yet to read anything by Brene Brown but her name keeps popping up so needs to go on my list next. Thank you for being real!

Dear Friend! I know exactly what your feeling!
Have you ever checked into depression?
I lived life pretty much on a roller coaster the whole time my kids were young.
Sometimes taking anti-depressants but never finding one the worked quite right!
Then menopause hit and I went down hill fast!
Finally I have found Meds that work because I refused to miss living and watching my grand kids grow!
My down time is August to November!
Have you ever read Personality Plus by Florence Littauer ? it teaches you about your personality and things you do that are born in!
That helps too to know why you do what you do and who you are at core!