Does Donald Trump Always Pay?

From his desk in the Oval Office, President Trump hollers, “Ivanka, that bastard published the same article again.”

She hurries into the room. “Which one?”

“The guy from USA Today who says I don’t pay lots of people who worked for me.”

“Here, Dad, let’s print out a copy and review the accusations.”

Trump reclines in his chair and sticks both feet on his desk. “We shouldn’t have given him an interview.”

“We had to respond,” she says.

“Just highlight what I need to read.”

In a half hour, after The Donald knocks down two cheeseburgers and an order of fries, Ivanka hands him several papers marred by red ink.

Tapping his temple, Trump says, “This great mind already knows how to respond. Just keep tweeting till I’m finished: ‘To those lying incompetents who claim I didn’t pay them what we contracted, you’re damn right. Many of you didn’t do a good job. Many didn’t even finish the job or were way late. I deducted from your contracts, absolutely. And I’d do the same today. I still dock lousy workers. Your scheming lawyers have a long list of complainers. I remember all of you. The plumbers fixed toilets that still overflowed. Carpet installers put in mildewed carpets that stopped two inches short of the wall. Painters splattered the carpets. Dishwashers supposedly washed dishes that were still dirty the next time I served really important guests. Bartenders served short drinks, pocketed payments, and often got drunk on the job. Real estate brokers failed to close many deals that should’ve been easy. Lawyers I paid a fortune to defend me against these crooks started padding their invoices. I hired more lawyers to punish them, and then the latest lawyers tried to rip me off. Nobody gets over on me. I’m the mastermind of Trump University.’”