A Selection form Finding Love

From Ch. 4 "The New Intimacy," Section "Strangers in the Bedroom" pp. 63-64

There is no doubt that removing the difficulty of obtaining sex has an enormous impact
on men and women alike, but it has done little to improve the sense of understanding
between them.Sexuality, as an expression of mutual intimacy, involves a sharing of the
emotional, psychological,and physical selves. The two components of intimacy are sexual
intimacy, which is a property of the individual, and emotional intimacy, which is a
property of the relationship. In the past, women have been the acknowledged gatekeepers
of sexual activity within a relationship.This was based,in part,on the fact that sexual
activity was a riskier enterprise for them.Today one might argue that since neither their
reputation nor risk of pregnancy is any great consideration, women have relinquished
this role. Or perhaps there is no longer a need for gatekeepers, because there are
no longer any gates.

...

in the interviews we conducted we heard the assessment of sexual activity
"It is no big deal." We would argue that it is a "big deal," and that part of the
difficulty men and women are experiencing in intimate relationships today comes from
having bought into the belief that it is not. The attempt to obliterate the very
real diffeences in the experience of the sexual act for men and women has led people
to underestimate the awesome power of sex and human sexuality in shaping their lives.
One of the most unfortunate by-products of the sexual revolution has been its success
in trivializing sex