Friday, January 14, 2011

Mother of the Year

I was feeling great today. I was in my parenting zone. The kids were behaving nicely, and I took them out to dinner while Argenida was at her class. They were excited to eat in a restaurant and everyone brought their "A" game.

We went to Aladdin's. As soon as we sat down, Ryan our server, brought me the gluten free menu and the extensive regular menu. I ordered, the kids colored on the U Promise coloring books, and everything that was right in the world was at my table.

Perhaps my karma changed when I got cocky from the compliments. The manager came over and wanted to see us. Ryan told her that "the most effective mother" was there with four little kids and they were totally behaving and acting like ladies and gentlemen. The manager wanted to know if they were two sets of twins. Before I could answer, Charlotte (pointing to the kids) said, "They are the triplets, and I am the EXTRA one!" The laughter was roaring from anyone in ear shot.

As we sateating our meal I was beaming. Most effective mother. WOW. It went straight to my head. Then, to top off the experience, Eli ate almost all of his ginormous salad.Again, people were walking by us, wondering if a 5 year old really ordered and ate the "big" salad. Seinfeld fans, will get that last remark.

They kids did so incredibly well, and we had another thirty minutes to kill before Argenida was ready, so I took the crew to Jeni's for ice cream. I ordered a pistachio macaroon ice cream sandwich for CJ, and a 4 scoop cup for the rest of us to share. Our treat contained,Bourbon Butter Pecan,(me) Dark Chocolate,(Natalie) Buckeye Chip,(Eli) and Salty Caramel,(Charlotte). With four spoons this was a cup of heaven.

I should have realized I was jinxing myself. I should have gone straight home and reveled in my compliments. Instead I tempted fate and it back fired on me.

As soon as Nataliesampled the ice cream, I realized my flavor was in front of her. I promptly rotated the bowl, but it was too late. In the crowded Bexley location, in her loudest voice ever, Natalie shouted, "This ice cream tastes like wine, I love this one Momma, it is just like wine!" Apparently, my 5 year old daughter has sensitive taste buds. I am sure all the patrons were wondering how a child would be able to taste and recognize the Bourbon, and associate it with wine. Ooopsie? My pedestal was crashing hard. I just smiled and said, "Well, she has a very sophisticated and gourmet palate."

To further knock me down a few notches, we went to pick up Argenida at Columbus State. Downtown. At 7:30. At night. As we waited in the parking lot, Charlotte started whining about going potty. I hedged my bet and thought we could last for another 10 minutes until Argenida came out and one of us could stay in the van, and the other could find the bathroom inside.

No such luck. Her bellowing grew louder and louder. In exasperation, I told her to just pee in her panties and it would be okay, I would not get mad. She refused. Tick tock, tick tock, it was 7:36 and still no sign of Argenida. The poor girl was almost howling at this point. So I did what any "effective mother" would do. I took her along side the van, pulled her tights and panties down, held her in the squat position, and had her pee in the snow. It was not one of my most proud moments.

Needless to say, as soon as class concluded, we drove straight home. I just nominated myself for Mother of the Year. NOT!