~ taking it all back

Conversations with a sleeping six month old baby.

Has it really been 6 months 5 days 13 hours and 21 minutes when we heard you cry and saw you for the very first time?

has it really been 6 months 5 days 13 hours and 21 minutes since my heart stopped for a second and my world changed?

it doesn’t feel like it at all. My phone says i have 2045 photos and videos, almost all of them yours, from the moment you were born up until today. 2045. wow.

and I’ve spent the better part of the last thirty minutes scrolling through all those photos and daily videos as i do every day, just to remind myself that I’m not dreaming. although sometimes, your colicky screams and cries at all hours of the day when you were a bit smaller also served as reminders that not everything was dreamy. not that I’m complaining though.

There’s a quote by Elizabeth Stone that reads “Making the decision to have a child is momentous.it is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”

how devastatingly accurate! every time i wake up, or you wake me up whichever comes first and i feel like i wanna pretend that I’m still asleep for a few minutes, i cant. because that’s a few minutes less of the time i can spend playing with you, or changing your nappy, or taking you out for our daily morning walks or just looking at your big shining brown eyes and that smile that just melts me.like, really melts me.

Of course you gotta know that your mom has been the star parent these past six months. well, she’s always been a star, and as you will get to figure out, will always be. she’s super woman. something that you should keep in mind as you grow older. be a better son to your mom than I’ve been to your grandma, little one. be a better man than I am.

Every day it seems, comes with new milestones, from touching your toes, to holding your milk bottle, to rolling over and today, to finally being able to sit and keep your balance for well over a minute. it’s funny how such little things are such great sources of happiness as we watch you continue to discover your world.

earlier today, we were playing and you were too busy to realize that you were actually sitting up by yourself. however as soon as you noticed that i was not holding your back anymore you instinctively lurched backwards. i was right there to catch you of course. and the moment you felt my hands prop you back up, you looked at me and smiled this dazzling smile, then leaned forward to balance on your own again. I wouldn’t have given it a second thought, except you just sat there for a couple of seconds and looked at me with that pacifier in your mouth , as if saying, “I know you’ll always have my back, dad.” before you went back to unloading the blocks from your toy truck. and i just sat there with my phone still capturing every moment on video; and as you started to fall again and i reach out to catch you, one thought kept running through my mind, I got you son, i got you.