Middle class couple forced to make ‘Sophie’s choice’ between wood burner and SUV

23rd May 2018

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A MIDDLE CLASS couple are making an agonising decision about whether to continue poisoning the air with their stove or their massive vehicle.

Concerned about a new report on air pollution, ‘eco-conscious’ Nikki Hollis and Martin Bishop have been forced into choosing between their wood burner and their Range Rover, which are also their two favourite boasting topics.

Bishop said: “The SUV makes me feel more virile than my friends who drive small, sensible hatchbacks, whilst the wood burning stove is just the ultimate for showing off that we’ve got more money and taste than them.”

Hollis said: “I’d hate to see the Range go so maybe we could reduce our household carbon footprint but putting one of the kids up for adoption.

“We have three kids by the way. We pretended the third one was an accident but he’s actually just a status symbol to illustrate how fruitful we are.”