Monday, August 28, 2006

I have been a very sinful person all my jeevan . Starting with the age of three when I burnt my sister's barbie doll's hair to just fifteen minutes ago when I picked up a coin from a blind beggar's bowl , I have done enough wrong to justify a fully furnished apartment in jahannum. So I do a good deed now and use this blog to let people know about an event a friend of mine is involved with . Pad lo and if you are interested in quizzing , dive in .

Armageddon 2006

Sinister shadows shroud the World,

Death-knell signal doom,

No magic shall shield thee,

Sheer knowledge be thy saviour.

Let the war begin...

Introduced in the year 2001, ARMAGEDDON is a Business Quiz organised by the BMS students of Mulund College of Commerce, Mumbai.

1. It was unveiled on Oct 12, 1988 in a packed Davis Symphony Hall in San Francisco, by demonstrating its ability to run four stopwatches at once and give a synthetic rendition of Martin Luther King's "I Have A Dream" speech. What?

2. Edward Bellamy, a lawyer and author, in his utopian book "Looking Backward: 2000-1887" described a society where transactions would essentially be conducted between the consumer and the Government and every citizen would have a share of the annual product of the nation. What term did he coin as a result?

3. Its roots can be traced back to 1979 when William Bernbach got the inspiration from banks who were offering toasters and electric blankets to their best customers and to new customers for opening accounts. It was launched on May 1, 1981 under the name 'AAdvantage'. What?

4. Introduced in the 1870s, there are currently four in number and are operated simultaneously. Measuring 18 inches in diameter, they were manufactured by the G S Edwards Company of Connecticut. In the late 1980s, it was decided to refurbish them and add another one as a back-up. However, it was discovered that such of its kind were no longer being made by any company. Hence, G S Edwards Co. agreed to make a special replica and brought employees out of retirement to handle the job. While this was being done, an older one was discovered, which was polished and is now used as a spare one. What am I referring to?

5. A short film titled 'True', directed by Charles Stone III featured his childhood friends Fred Thomas, Paul Williams and Scott Brooks who would sit around using the catch-phrase ‘_______’. It caught the attention of copywriter Vinny Warren who signed Stone to direct television commercials for a brand based on the film. Identify the brand / catch-phrase.

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Since the time I have landed in Kerala , some exciting changes have come upon me . Like I have become a couple of shades darker . Though I would like to express that I think it's more of a mexican salma hayek-ish tan for which firangs lie naked in the sun all day , a more casual observer may think I have been eating coal pieces as dessert .And another thing which startles me is that so many people call me 'sir' at work . I mean , you give a double breasted reid and taylor suit to an ugandan tribal who has always been in his natural state and he roasts and chews up the suit because he is just not used to being covered . On similar lines , when a guy whose last encounter with any kind of 'izzat' belongs to the stone age is suddenly pushed into a life where 42 year old men address him as 'sir' , it leaves him feeling strange .

And tussi believe nahi karoge , my parents have been approached with the first formal proper 'rishta' of my life ( Mar jaawa khatta kha kar . sharma gaya main hai hai ). Though at my age , most police forces around the world will arrest me for child marriage , I have been given ten days to think if I can actually think about marriage yet . So jaago bharat ki naariyo and tell me you have always wanted to be my dulhan , before I become 'paraya dhan' forever.

And as a part of work , train travelling is becoming a hugely regular part of my life . I have got so used to it that yesterday I woke up groggily at my hotel room and straightaway sleepwalked to the window to see which station it was . But with all the revenues I am single handedly generating for the Indian Railways , I think I deserve a superfast express or atleast some railway platform named after me . Kitna heartwarming lagega just to hear the voice boom on the central announcement speakers "Bilaspur se Purulia jaane wali gaadi number teen teen do ek , ab se kuch hee der mein hitler ki aatma memorial platform par aayegi."

But though I started off thinking all this train travelling is the worst thing to happen to me since the time gave a class presentation with my fly open , I am beginning to find it interesting . Now I am not the kind of guy who will sit mum through a four hour journey and keep staring out of the window with a grim expression like he is up for a vasectomy surgery right after he gets off the train. I get on the train , find my seat , push in the bag , sink down my seat , kick off my shoes , pull out a pack of spanish tomato lays from my bag , tear it open , offer the chips to the guy next to me and say "Hi". So unless the guy on the next seat is a real serious and grim guy who speaks as much as a wooden door does , I end up knowing a lot ranging from how his dad met his mom to why his second girlfriend left him . Like I have managed to exchange telephone numbers with a lady doctor , a civil engineer settled in dubai , a school principal and an 'export-import' guy , all people I met in trains over the last month . ( The last guy would only say "export-import' when I asked what he did . I am not sure , but the movies taught me all 'export -import' guys are smugglers . I think he had brown sugar pouches in his bag ).

Anyway , I think I will go find dinner now . I know I have this thing to say "will find dinner" instead of a more humane "will have dinner" . I said the same thing to one of my friends recently and she said "That sounds so much like animal planet.They always say that when the jackal family ventures out to 'find dinner' after dark". And another thing which bothers me when I am moving towards closing down a post is the paanch dollar and teen paisa question - post ka title kya doon ? I guess it's all the more tough for me because what I write is as far from logical sequence as you are from dating sonia gandhi . It's so much easier to put down a title for something coherent ( Like "tears of blood" or "shards of my heart" for a poem about lost love or something ) . Anyway , I guess I will just let you do the honors this time . Assi jaa rahe hain. find dinner karne.

Monday, August 14, 2006

It's been more than three months since I completed my MBA . April 1 was the date of my convocation . Pretty dangerous date for such a noble thing , I know . My name is announced in the auditorium packed with parents , students and cameramen . I get up , adjust my convocation cap and climb up the stairs to the stage . I walk upto the chief guest , nod , shake hands and accept a folder supposed to be carrying the degree . On my way back to my seat , I open up the folder and in rests a lone piece of paper with "April fool" scribbled on it . Thankfully , the last part turned out to be a lot more easy on the heart and there was a degree inside . Anyway , in these three months , atleast six of my batchmates have announced their wedding dates , and many more must be right in the middle of the 'Tere papa se kab baat karun ?' discussions . Now , I have always been terribly confused by the concept of marriage . Sometimes marriage will look like this wonderful union which ushers in a beautiful life of companionship , sharing sorrows and celebrating life . And before a hungry pup can lick clean a plate of full creamed milk , marriage will appear to be this expensive ticket to an existence featuring soiled diapers , worrying about kids and premature joint pains . So just like inorganic chemistry and ram gopal verma's movies , marriage has always confused me .

And suddenly , kank* seems to be the movie everyone was waiting for since the time you crawled around in diapers and fiat was the most droolable car in India . I switch on MTV and an excited Rani Mukherjee is raving about how Amit Uncle** made her feel so comfortable on the sets of kank , I sigh and switch to NDTV and Karan Johar is telling me how this movie is an entirely new perspective on the issue of human relationships and before I can throw a slipper on the tv screen , the room service guy*** walks in with the coffee I ordered and exclaims "Sir , crown**** par kank lag gayi hain ."

Amit Uncle = Amitabh Bacchan . Rani calls him Amit Uncle fondly . I wonder what Dev 'young at heart' Anand would have done had someone called him an Uncle .

*** = The room service guy at my hotel speaks hindi . The guy who was there last week spoke only malayalam. I drew a broom on a tissue and gave that to him when he failed to understand what I wanted . I did not want a broom , I wanted to get my room cleaned .

Crown = This is the only cinema hall in the city I am . I passed by it last week . The entrance sported a huge cut out of an unidentified woman with huge thighs displayed in a very chilling manner . I have never been inside . i am told it's not good for young impressionable minds.

Thanks for using the Nandlaal Dayaraam guide to terms in the above passage ( Revised edition . Was revised when you were reading the term meanings .).

Anyway , coming back to kank ( To be pronounced like Tank , as in "My sister took my comic books without asking , so I drowned her in the septic Tank ) , I am not excited about the movie .

I saw a promo on the television and it contained a Rani with tears streaming down her cheeks , a very emotional breaking down of Abhishek , Shahrukh trying hard to fight back tears and Preity Zinta wailing , and all this in 20 seconds . So I assume the movie is about love , tears and misunderstandings . And this very thing makes it unsuitable for my viewing . You see , 'Love' movies are for people who look good , exchange romantic sms and have an colorful agenda for Feb 14th. A guy like me , whose total duration of exposure to romance is just about equal to the time Mohammad Kaif spent on the crease during his last innings , just can't relate to too much of love .

I mean , if George Clooney is made to sit through a screening of "Basanti Ka Inteqaam" ( Starring Chamkeeli Haseena in a never seen before , and never seen after dynamite role ) , or vice versa , if Udham Singh Gujjar is made to sit in the front row of a show of Forrest Gump , how can they relate to something they don't understand ? On similar lines , I find it a bit challenging to relate to movies involving too much of "I love you"s and pink hearts . I would rather watch Naksha , a soon to be released action flick which promises a lot of hand grenades and crushed bones . Promos include graphic visuals of Sunny Deol jumping off a cliff , smashing pianos on bad men's heads and trying to uproot electric poles off roads .

And personally , this is turning out to be a one of the more lonely times of my life ( Compares well with the time I was locked all alone in the bathroom for flunking in Social Sciences ) . I come back from work and spend the rest of the day roaming the market , checking out lungi clad legs and watching TV . ( And the last part is tricky . A whole bunch of malayalam channels to choose from . Sun TV . Maa TV . K TV . Kairali TV . Jaya TV . More are there , but too difficult to pronounce for a northie tongue ) . But then , I am just trying to make good of whatever life throws my way . ( Have always been this way . I spent the hours locked in the bathroom trying to figure out how faucets work ) . And then , I am going home for a week soon . That is a huge thing I am looking forward to . And then , after all , talking of loneliness , I may get married in couple of years and usher in a wonderful life of companionship , sharing sorrows and celebrating life .Wait a minute..or was it an expensive ticket to an existence featuring soiled diapers , worrying about kids and premature joint pains ?