Who is Mary Kondo?

I’m currently reading ‘that’ book about decluttering. It’s called ‘Spark Joy’ by Mary Kondo. she is a tidying and de-cluttering specialist. As a Hypnotherapist, what strikes me when I read it, is how nice making space is. She is helping people have space in their house which is a great feeling.

And she helps people get rid of broken things, things from the past that are not needed anymore. And she also encourages people only to keep things that give them joy.

Do you need to declutter your mind?

There are so many synergies between a tidy home and a tidy mind. If your mind is cluttered, it doesn’t feel nice and you can’t think straight. You might feel confused, dizzy and stressed. It might affect your sleep, temper and decision making. But how do you tidy your mind and create space?

One of the most common phrases I hear from clients is ‘I think too much’. We are a thinking species and very good at it, but what they mean is their mind is so busy that they feel muddled. Their minds do not have space to organize thoughts and sort the useful ones out.

Some of the work we have done so far in this programme has helped with identifying your mind chatter and change the feelings that your negative mind chatter creates. But no doubt there will be other stuff in your mind which you may need to de-clutter to create space.

But why do you hold onto this mind clutter?

Is it a habit and you just don’t know how to be different?

Are you scared deep down of moving on and facing changes? If you let go of your thinking who are you really? And what might you really want? And what will you think and do instead?

People with cluttered minds know they want to feel different and when this feeling gets strong… the feeling of wanting to move away from the bad feelings and move toward something different. That’s usually when they seek help

What would decluttering your mind feel like?

If you had space in your mind you would:

Feel more relaxed

Be more creative

Feel more in control

Have more head space to focus on the really important things

Be able to prioritise more easily

Be easier to be around

Sleep better

Is your mind full of junk?

Could you imagine if you kept all the possessions you had acquired throughout your life? Your home would be bulging! You wouldn’t be able to move or clean. A good de-clutter feels good and the same is true for your mind. Some people like to talk over their thoughts with a coucellor and a lot of people have CBT and I see a lot of clients who have tried these treatments.

What’s different about Hypnotherapy is it actually changes how you feel, without talking about things for hours. It teaches you how to relax and find calm yourself after your sessions have ended. You will find a deeply calm place within in you which once you have connected with, comes automatically into your life. As if you were designed that way.

Here’s the plan:

Experience relaxation and mind de-cluttering for free. Sign up for my newsletter at the bottom of this blog or on my website to receive a free relaxing download.

Do you feel like a misfit?

Many people feel like they are ‘misfits’. Different to others. Like they don’t fit it. Do you feel like that?

Has it caused you to distance yourself from others? Keep yourself to yourself for fear or being judged or criticised? Maybe you feel awkward? Or wish that you were different in some way?

Feeling different can lead to isolation or negative feelings about yourself. This is because you are allowing negative thoughts to become negative feelings. ‘Misfits’ can find themselves wasting years feeling bad about not fitting in or not being ‘good enough’

Although everyone is unqiue, there are some people that are abstract. Maybe you’ve been called ‘quirky’?

How wonderful! Lucky you 🙂

In life today everyone is looking for the next new thing. Something that makes them different. Have you noticed lots of people with blue hair recently?

But when it comes to people are you scared to be different? Why not embrace your uniqueness? Be comfortable with it? Although there really is no such thing as an ordinary person, it’s important to shine your light and feel good about doing so. After all, wouldn’t life be boring if there was only one flavour, one colour, one size, one texture, one smell or one emotion!

Embrace your quirks

Here’s some ways you can be more comfortable with your uniqueness:

Stop trying to fit in with things that make you uncomfortable. Find the places you like being, that make you feel good

Spend time around people that get you. See your good points and value you for who you are. Not make fun, criticise you or make you feel bad about yourself

Don’t judge others and you will feel less judged yourself. When we judge others we are holding them up against our own values and beliefs, not accepting them for who they are or seeing all sides to them

Stop comparing yourself to others

Accept yourself and celebrate your quirks

The misfits myth

Here’s a great Ted Talk from Lidia Yuknavitch who didn’t believe how wonderful she was for many years because she felt like a misfit. She reads this poem which is lovely.

Even at the moment of your failure, right there.

You are beautiful.

You don’t know it yet but you have the ability to re-invent yourself endlessly, that’s the beauty.

You can be a drunk, a survivor of abuse, you can be an ex con, you can be a homeless person.

You can lose all your money, or your job, or your husband or your wife or the worse thing of all, a child.

You could even lose your marbles.

You can be standing dead centre of all your failure and still I am only here to tell you, you are so beautiful.

Your story deserves to be heard, because you, you rare and phenomenal misfit, you new species.

Are the only one in the room that can tell the story the way you would.

And I would be listening

Here’s the deal:

Why you shouldn’t leave a tooth abscess untreated

Having a tough time emotionally and not doing anything about it is the equivalent of having a tooth abscess in your mouth that’s causing a lot of pain. You hope it will die down. You don’t want the hassle or cost of going to the dentist and you might be scared of what could happen. So you carry on living with the pain.

After a while you stop eating on that side of your mouth as it becomes too painful and this becomes the norm. Even though you are noticing that now the good side is starting to ache because it’s doing all the work. You take painkillers on a regular basis or the pain ruins your day and sleep. Then one day you wake up with a big swollen face. That abscess is saying ‘SORT IT OUT’.

Do not ignore the problem anymore. So you go to the dentist and he can’t believe the size of the abscess and that you haven’t come sooner. Because this is what he deals with all the time and although it’s a bit tricky on the day, in no time at all the swelling has gone down and you can even eat on that side again. It was like that abscess never existed! And you really do kick yourself for not going sooner.

You don’t need a problem to have a problem.

What I mean by this is you can feel ‘out of sorts’, ‘confused’, worried or sad. Or suffer from anxiety or panic attacks, depression or stress. Or the problem presents itself in poor sleep. You might be clear on the symptoms, but not the cause. That is because the sub conscious mind has taken in a life event, it could be really small, and programmed it in a way that it effects behaviour and makes you feel bad.

What you resist persists

Some people know they are not ok. But they continue to struggle on.. Maybe the problem presents itself in behaviour like over eating, drinking regularly to ‘numb’ those feelings or spending money for a quick feel good. Only to find that all of these things soon wear off and the feelings are still there.

Maybe you feel guilty for ‘over indulging in those feelings and that you should stop ‘being silly’. Or maybe you have found a way to avoid the problem? I’ve now treated two clients who drove everywhere without doing right hand turns because they were scared of turning right!

But what you will find is that what you resist, persists. It is the subconscious reminding you that something isn’t right and you need to sort it out.

We shouldn’t underestimate the link between mental health and physical health. There have been numerous studies into the links between the two.

What you may not realise if that when you are going through a traumatic time or feeling bad for no apparent reason, the difference getting therapy can make is unbelievable. You can feel better, gain strength and turn almost any situation into a learning experience. Once you learn to do this you will find curveballs that life throws at you easier to deal with. You will be more equipped to support others too.

Here’s the plan:

Review the postcard that you wrote to your younger self yesterday. What learnings can you see?

Life is like a box of chocolates.

‘You never know what you are going to get’. This is a line from the film, Forrest Gump starring Tom Hanks. The film covers death, depression, disability, motivation and love.

Life is full of wonderful things. We are blessed with our bodies, minds and senses and able to enjoy so many different things.

But what about the chocolates that we don’t expect or don’t like? Some of life’s experiences are harsh, painful and leave scars. And because our emotional scars are held in the sub conscious mind, we can think we are ok when we’re not. And we may behave in ways that we can’t control. Or we may completely falls to pieces or struggle to retain control in our everyday lives and things like going to work, running a home, maintaining relationships and sleep can become really difficult.

Many people will battle on, either struggling or pretending it’s not happening or hoping it will pass. And then MELTDOWN. It might just be some time off of work, or it might bring the end of a close relationship or even a nervous breakdown. But because issue were not addressed, it all becomes too much and the nervous system simply shuts down as it needs to rest.

The yucky chocolates

Life loves to throw a curveball doesn’t it? Sometimes expected, sometimes not at all but the big ones can really rock your world. Let’s look at some of the most common ones:

Bereavement

When someone you care about dies it hurts deeply. It may be a shock and will make a gap where that person was. It might bring up unresolved issues, guilt and regret.

Separation or divorce

Putting the practical issues of money etc. aside, it can seriously damage self-esteem and confidence. Life may feel unbearable and you might feel like no one understands you. You need to rebuild but it seems too hard because you don’t feel strong.

Redundancy and unemployment

This can bring huge uncertainty and worry and really knock your confidence in both yourself and your abilities.

Illness

If you or a loved one become ill, apart from the medical appointments there is stress, worry and anxiety. What does the future hold? It can be helpful to learn techniques which keep you in the moment and relieve stress so you can get through this life challenge.

What some people don’t realise if that when you are going through a traumatic time or feeling bad for no apparent reason, the difference getting therapy can make is unbelievable. You can feel better, gain strength and turn almost any situation into a learning experience. Once you learn to do this you will find future ‘yucky chocolates’ that life throws at you easier to deal with.

Here’s the plan:

Write a postcard to your younger self sharing some of the events of your life and any advice that you can offer

Day 4 – you became a mind COP by realising how much time you spend thinking negatively. You are now focused on catching those negative thoughts as they come in, owning the thought and protect yourself by realising it might not be true.

Day 5 – you did the shake N vac and started to freshen your mind with gratitude.

Day 6 – you wrote a really good gratitude list that means something to you.

It is never too late to start again. Each day is a brand new beginning.

If you haven’t done all the exercises, or you have just found this blog series, no problem! It is never too late to start. Each day is a brand new beginning.

Just go back on the blogs and pick up from there. You just need a notebook and pen, to read my blogs each day and dedicate a small amount of time each day to do the exercises. This is not meant to be another thing on your ‘to do list’. It is raising your awareness to things that affect your happiness and helping you train your brain to be happier.

You are not alone

If you are finding this difficult to do on your own, no problem, because I can help you. I work with adults and children age 5+ in person in West Sussex or on Skype round the world! My clients have significiant insights and shifts. You might want help with anxiety, depression, stress, confidence and sleep. Most clients say they wish they had come sooner.