Claire Standish: You know why guys like you knock everything?John Bender: Oh, this should be stunning.Claire Standish: It's because you're afraid.John Bender: Oh God, you richies are so smart, that's exactly why I'm not heavy into activities.Claire Standish: You're a big coward.Brian Johnson: I'm in the math club.Claire Standish: See, you're afraid that they won't take you, you don't belong, so you have to just dump all over it.John Bender: Well, it wouldn't have anything to do with you activities people being assholes, now would it?Claire Standish: Well, you wouldn't know, you don't even know any of us.John Bender: Well, I don't know any lepers, but I'm not going to run out and join one of their fucking clubs.Andrew Clark: Hey. Let's watch the mouth, huh?Brian Johnson: I'm in the physics club too.

Jake: The band... the band...Reverend Cleophus James: DO YOU SEE THE LIGHT?Jake: THE BAND!Reverend Cleophus James: DO YOU SEE THE LIGHT?Elwood: What light?Reverend Cleophus James: HAVE YOU SEEN THE LIGHT?Jake: YES! YES! JESUS H. TAP-DANCING CHRIST... I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT!

Kate Veatch: [outside Kate's house] White? What are you doing here? How do you know where I live?White Goodman: It's called the Freedom of Information Act, Kate. The hippies finally got something right! Ha-ha! Just kidding. But not really.

[to Joe] Ballerinas can jump just as high as you but when they come down they come down in plies, and then they stand pointe, and they stand like that for hours. If ballet was easy, it would be called football.

Raoul Duke: I wouldn't dare go to sleep with you wandering around with a head full of acid, wanting to slice me up with that goddamn knife.Dr. Gonzo: Who said anything about slicing you up, man? I just wanted to carve a little Z on your forehead.

Bender: [to himself] Naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm, and a two-foot salami under the other. The bartender says, I guess you won't be needing a drink. Naked lady says...[the ceiling gives way]Bender: Oh, shit!