Find Freedom in Pleasure

The holidays are officially in full swing, and for many that means staying with family. Hallmark, Lifetime, and Netflix tell us this is sheer bliss: delicious food, lots of presents, and endless love. These movies leave out several crucial pieces though, like the stress of traveling, the heartbreak of family drama, and sharing a wall with snoring relatives

All of this means that having holiday sex—solo or with a partner—takes some patience, creativity, and skill. Whether the risk of getting caught turns you on or stresses you out, read on for some ideas to find freedom in pleasure when you’re home for the holidays.

Reflect on what you want in advance

Before you head home for the holidays, consider what you want from the trip sexually. Does the risk of getting caught turn you on? Are you packing a vibrator? Looking for a hookup?

If you’re boo’ed up, you’ll also want to talk about expectations with your partner. Some questions to explore include:

Do you want to have sex or forego it while visiting family?

Does the risk of getting caught turn you on or stress you out? If your answers differ, how can you compromise to satisfy both of your needs?

When and how will you carve out alone time, sexual or otherwise?

Stay grounded and connected

Build in time for yourself. Hit up a new workout class, visit old friends, stay up watching your favorite movie after everyone else goes to bed, or wake up a few minutes early to journal and meditate—or anything else that nourishes your body and spirit. If you struggle with boundaries around your family, ask some friends to check-in with you and affirm your decision to opt-out of certain obligations or traditions if you need to take some time alone.

With a partner, also remember: setting the mood is the most important part of sex. That means making sure that no matter how jam packed your schedule is, you’ve put aside time for you and your beau to be alone. Cuddle in the evening or before you get out of bed, go for a walk in the snow, or drive to see whatever famous light extravaganza is in the area.

The holidays are here and that means time for shopping! Whether or not gift giving is your or your beau’s love language, gifts are always one way to say I love you. And these gifts? They also help you …

My interest in all things “woo woo” began young: my mom took me for my first tarot reading in middle school. Since then, my dedication to the woo has waxed and waned, and blended with my background in neuroscience, public …