Named the "Best Blog" by Parent & Child Magazine, this popular mom blog chronicles the wonderful mundaneness of a Philadelphia stay-at-home mom's life with four small children including twins in episodic form. Recurrent topics include adoption, multiples, Fifth Disease, Crohn's Disease and pregnancy, and academia.

December 30, 2011

What Might Have Been

Perusing a newspaper in Florida is like reading a press release for Snakes on a Plane. Nearly every day you will encounter a breaking news story about someone who was accidentally bitten by his pet black mamba or who woke up one morning to find a strange 10-foot Burmese python sunning itself on his back porch.

I eat this stuff up like candy, despite being deathly afraid of snakes. Part of it is just morbid curiosity--who in the world would have a pit viper in his house...on purpose?--and part of it has to do with planning. Living in the land of no rules, I know it's a matter of time until one of my kids starts begging for a rattlesnake.

"Compared to South Carolina, Florida has lots of animal regulations." This is what a local herpetologist told me yesterday afternoon, moments after handling a 12-foot cobra.

That isn't saying much.

My sister and brother-in-law are visiting from out of town this week. My commitment to exposing them to the best of what Florida has to offer is what led us to a local venom extraction lab. In response to public demand, the lab recently started hosting public viewings of venomous snake milkings a few times each week.

As a special holiday treat, the herpetologist decided to bring out some of his non-venomous friends for a pre-show meet and greet.

"Pass them around!" he said encouragingly as he plopped an albino ball python into my daughter's lap.

I hurdled over half a dozen other spectators as I bolted for the door.

As I watched from the safety of an outside viewing window, my kids taunted me with constrictors and hideously looking but totally innocuous black things, which they draped around their necks and passionately kissed. Around the same time as I watched Cortlen successfully coax a snake up the armhole of his shirt, I blacked out. Not really, but the sight made me so light-headed that I lost my balance and fell backward onto an aquarium containing a huge Eastern Diamondback.

Good times.

The venom extraction (which was, in all fairness, extraordinarily interesting and educational) ended with a Q&A session. One little boy from Washington D.C. asked the herpetologist if he had ever been bit by a poisonous snake (A: Yes, 11 times, including once in the face). Cortlen followed up with a query of own: "Do you need a helper?"

On the way out, my husband caught my daughter trying to buy a baby corn snake from the gift shop with her Christmas money.

65 comments

When my daughter turned 9 I had dreams of taking her to Helen, GA - a quaint little town in North Ga known for its Alpine influences and super cool attractions. The day started out 85 and sunny but by the time we made the hour drive North it was Pouring Sheets and Sheets of Rain. All plans for the day were smashed - that is except of course for the "Bear and Reptile Museum" No lie - we pulled in and saw bears of all shapes and sizes followed by a behind the scenes tour of all the reptiles (courtesy of it being my daughter's bday and I told the guy that his museum was the last place I wanted to be)...I have pictures of me holding these snakes but I am pretty sure I have blocked out the memory

I'm with you! Snakes are definitely NOT my thing. What I'm trying to figure out is why you didn't just stay home. Are you a masochist? Oh yeah, you must be...you're a mom!Sandywww.twelvemakesadozen.blogspot.com

As a native Floridian, I feel your snake pain! When we bought our home in Saint Cloud the former owner handed me a broom handle with a bent coat hanger stapled to it. He said, "Here's your snake stick. You're going to need it." He was right. The good news is that we don't live in South Florida where there's an epidemic of "super snakes" snacking on German Shepherds. The bad news is that my husband makes me watch reality TV shows called "Super Snakes." Gick to snakes, snake milking, and snake handling in all its forms.

My son and I do a mini vacation every year and it always includes feeding alligators and snakes. He thinks its cool to see a freaked out rat walking on water to get away from 8 full grown gatorsout for "fast food". Not me... ill feed them steak. Anyway... we always (the last 4 yrs) get our photos taken with animals. We've each held the alligators, but my fave has been the 8-ft albino Burmese python... and mind you, I am not big on snakes, but she behaved at she laid across my shoulders. And yes, I too have told my child "we DO NOT need a pet snake".

Another Florida girl here. I don't understand how I went from catching glass snakes and playing with baby ring necks as a kid to freaking out when the black racers zoom across my back yard. I am in the lead with leaping 10 feet in the air and screaming like a banchee when I see them. Even in the zoo, behind two inches of solid glass, the snakes just freak me out. They like our warm climate. Joy.

I am terrified of snakes!! Just looking at your pictures makes me want to scream like a little girl and curl up in a ball. You are a braver person than am for just going in the first place. I don't think I would've been able to contain myself watching my kids like you did. Kuddos!

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