Today we continue “Jamy Lin and the killers,” a superbly bad fan fiction that I have chosen as my Halloween treat to you, dear readers. So far we have learned that the Devil, known to his friends as Satin, has decided to put five psychos from famous horror movies in charge of watching his daughter. He wants the killers not to harm his daughter because his daughter is a good being who is going to end the world but he wants to teach her to be evil but she is already evil…take a deep breath. The killers include Freddy Kreuger, Michael Myers, Jason Vorhees, Hannibal Lecter, and The Grudge (which the author thinks is an entity, specifically the female manifestation from the movie). This whole plot of the Devil’s is meant to be a punishment for the killers who have apparently been causing hell in hell. The Devil’s daughter is Jamy Lin, a “fore” year old girl who hates whores and has a father who dates stripes. Horizontal or vertical is not specified. Jamy Lin is also an angle to the stripes. Jamy Lin has some serious anger problems and almost kills her step sister over a ride in a Barbie jeep. She ends up sparing her step-sister and it is revealed that her mother was raped by the Devil.

Forgive me if I forgo the usual witty reparté at the introduction to this fiction but there is a very sincere reason I wanted to do this two day special. I love Halloween. I love the imagination of the holiday. Whether it’s scary costumes and haunted houses for those who love to give themselves the willies or little kids dressed as super heroes trooping from house to house to collect enough sugar to power a city with hyperactivity. Even the self righteous get in on the act by protesting it, turning out the lights or handing out apples and pennies rather than candy. It is by far my favorite holiday because for one day out of the year I can be anything I want and so can everyone else.

I knew I had to find a special fan fic for Halloween to entertain our readers. There are many out there but the one that I have picked is entertaining beyond anything I could have imagined. I found “Jamy Lin and the killers.” This story was listed as a crossover between Friday the 13th and A Nightmare on Elm Street but it is so much more nebulous. The author has an incredible knack for misspelling practically everything, ignoring grammar to perfection and building characters that contradict themselves left and right. Despite the misspellings, some very advanced words are spelled right but used in very strange contexts. I am guessing Spell Check did some damage in this fic by auto correcting some things and not others. That is the only reason I can come up for these words. This is easily one of the most amusingly bad fan fictions I have read. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have. Happy Halloween!

Well, it’s my favorite time of the week, time for another chapter in the most boring story ever told (ok I can’t actually back that up, I did recently read Lost Boys by Orson Scott Card and that was a bit more boring than this story). So, where were we? Ah yes, Sayid had rescued Dawn after she stupidly followed Ethan out into the jungle. Dawn had just told Jack about Ethan.

With Jack and Sayid off at the beach (they went to get the passenger list), Dawn sits alone and in pain until Claire comes along. Claire offers Dawn a bottle of water and kindly asks how Dawn’s leg is feeling. Dawn gets all upset that anyone would dare ask about her injury. How dare they care! Jeez, mind your own business! Except Dawn was just complaining about the fact that other than Charlie bringing her lunch, everyone had been ignoring her. Make up your damn mind!

I’m back with the final installment of that horrible Avatar: The Last Airbender fanfic, The Bounty Hunter!

In the previous installment, called Day 1 even though there was a two-month gap between the beginning and end of the chapter, we met our assorted OOC characters. There was a sudden violent death, an alien gun battle, and an awkward first date tacked on to the end – all the things I’m looking for in a riveting romance/sci-fi story.

In the second and final chapter the author has made the “interesting” choice of putting every single line of dialogue in boldface type. Yay.

Mr. Crowbar is taking a personal day; filling in for him today is his cousin, Senor Sockmonkey. I have my doubts about this working, but we’ll see.

Hello, Library Patrons. My anger-management councilor tells me I need to lay off the author abuse before I pop a vein. *fingers the edge of the hard-cover book still in her hands* So in an attempt to play nicely, I’m going to put this on the table here… *sets book on coffee table* and not touch it for the remainder of this entry.

*takes a deep breath* Let’s recap!

Previously, on “Heading Towards the Horizon,” we met Jaicee, an over-reacting teenager who thinks she’s a pirate because she spent the first 8 years of her life in the 1700’s before being sent 260 years into the future to save her from Captain Barbossa’s misplaced wrath. Accompanying Princess Pirate is her mother, Angelica, who has recently started using Spanish words instead of italics to speak with her daughter, with no translation for those of us who are not currently taking Spanish in high school.

Most recently, we’ve watched as Jace tried to kill a 5-year-old without any legal repercussions, talked to her BFF about getting expelled (again) and ate a poptart for dinner. Let’s see what these next couple chapters have in store for us!

Before I head into the second half of chapter two, I thought I’d cover a comment made by Lyle that I’d neglected to cover earlier. Specifically, I’ve been referring to the author, Spike Xander’s Drink, as a female when in fact she tells us that she’s male. I have many reasons to doubt that the writer is male, and am just assuming female based on this, somewhat tenuous, evidence:

Due to how terrible the Avatar: The Last Airbender fic is that Ghostie is currently working on, I thought we needed some good art of it. Thus, I present to you a piece by ming85:

You totally need to click on this to see it better.

For those who are unfamiliar with the source material, this is during their stint in the Fire Kingdom, where they had to dress incognito to fit in. Much like the Power Rangers, the people of the Avatar Airbender world tended to wear the color of their kingdom so, although none of the people pictured are Fire Kingdom, they dressed accordingly. From front to back: Aang, Toph, Katara, Sokka. Marvel at this art. Marvel, I say!