Poly Married With Children and The Church of Monogamy

I have had quite the busy work, personal and poly life lately, my dear friends. There is much upheaval, excitement, momentum and sweet moments. For a peek into my poly as well as extended life, here are some highlights:

My live-in boyfriend and I threw my husband a birthday party at our house, which was a huge success. One sweet moment for me was spending the day with my beau running around collecting food and other items needed for the party together, then at one point, he went on his own and got more supplies including flowers to make the house look nice. Seeing him walk in with groceries and flowers for my husband’s party just melted my heart. Then watching my husband open up gifts from myself, my beau as well as his latest squeeze… more priceless moments. Then my husband’s girlfriend insisting that she man the grill so that my two men didn’t have to do it and could enjoy the party (and she did a bang up job!) while others watched her little tyke, more memorable, sweet moments.

Another poly moment that melted my heart: I was half asleep on the couch a few days later, and was wondering where my handsome men were. I looked out the window to see this breathtaking lightening storm outside unlike anything that I had ever seen! There were my beau and my hubby laying side by side on the sidewalk on their backs, looking up at the sky in wonderment with phone cameras, talking together like excited little boys at their good fortune for seeing such an amazing spectacle. <3 <3 <3 You can watch it yourself here:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wuWcj-yoUHE

The following weekend, we went out with my old friends in downtown Philadelphia to celebrate all of the June birthday babies. One of the birthday boys was an old friend of mine who came out as gay about 15 years ago. We were all very accepting of him when he came out. He and I had lots of great, long talks that nite. By the end of the nite, I decided to come out to him as polyamorous and explain more about our situation. As you can imagine, he was equally very accepting and wonderful, and I felt it brought us closer. He said “I know that when true friends talk, there is no inhibition, whether it be about big stuff or a mustard stain. It’s all about support, love and understanding.” Wow, he rocks. Another positive point in the “coming out” score card. And YAY for true friends that stand the test of time!

I am inching closer and closer to leaving my current day job and becoming my more authentic self. Instead of giving two weeks notice to leave my current position, I gave two months notice, which is turning out to be 4.5 months! Haha! But finally my former employee has accepted a sweetened offer to take my position, and soon I will be free! Free to write to you fine people, free to continue on whatever journey my life is taking me, free to explore what life holds for me and to explore more of my entrepreneurial spirit. As I’m leaving, there seems to be scandal after scandal of talk of my bosses’ friend’s marriages breaking off in ugly divorces as one spouse cheats on the other spouse. It’s like an epidemic. At the office, I keep my mouth shut and don’t bring up that there is another way, and I and my poly family and circle are living proof of it. Why does there have to be so much lying and cheating and getting some sexy sexy on the side while ruining other relationships? Words like “slut” and “bitch” being used derogatively are being thrown around, because it is the wife who cheated (first, mind you). I look forward to not having to hide a part of my true, ethically non-monogamous, happily slutty (meaning sex positive) self at this office.

I speak to a plethora of people due to this blog and other social network circles, etc. One theme that keeps coming up over and over lately is this idea that if you get married and especially if you want to have children, you must then become monogamous to do so. I understand how society drills this concept into our heads, and I know where it comes from in terms of having heirs and “Keep It Simple, Stupid” ideas of family and how it traditionally works. But I am here to tell you, again there are other options IF YOU WANT THEM. Here are some examples of successful, ethically non-monogamous family configurations, some with children I know of just in my own life:
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–I am happily married in an open marriage, and we were ethically non-monogamous before and after trying to conceive (now we are childless by choice and parents to two furry felines).
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–My husband’s girlfriend recently got married (while still dating my husband) and had a child (who is our goddaughter), and we are all still in open relationships (but her husband is monogamous to her by choice).
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–Two of our close friends for a decade are happily married, have two young children and we get intimate with them from time to time, thus they are open and always have been since we’ve known them.
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–I have a close friend in Canada who lives with his partner, her husband and their collective four children in a polyfidelitous family. They are very happy and loving, and the kids are young up to teenage years. It works for them! He even wrote an article about it here.
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–My close friend who is a mother and GRANDmother has a boyfriend who is happily married and has two children age 7 and 9. They recently went on a beach vacation together: my friend, her boyfriend, his wife and their two children. They all had a great time. The children seem fine with it all. They ask really funny questions too, which is quite hilarious. “Dad, is your lady friend going to sleep over again? How did you meet her? I like her. Let’s keep her around.” From the mouths of babes.
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–The woman that just wrote the last interview that I published here is a mother (of two children, I believe) who not only know of her polyamorous life, they approve of it and are ethically non-monogamous themselves as young adults. She currently has two lovers. She is pioneering new frontiers in her region of the world. You go, girl! 🙂

So if you have the desire, it is at least POSSIBLE to be happily married and have children while still being ethically non-monogamous. 🙂 You can even be quite happy doing it. Heck, it may even make your marriage stronger.

Make your life awesome and the way you want it! It’s the story of YOUR life. Where will you go now? There are lots of people to love out there. I would love to hear your comments on anything that I have written here. Does anything strike a chord or do you have any differing viewpoints or ideas to share with the community that we are building here? And above all, spread love, my friends, as well as compassion and kindness. It will help make the world a better place.

There is still great opposition about polyamory with children involved. Maybe a sitcom like Modern Family will soften the prejudice.
Thanks for the link to the church of monogamy article…it explains a lot about monogamy. Great vid. of lightning, too!

Thanks for the reblog, and your contributions here in the comments. I agree that there is still alot of opposition. At the end of the day, each family should be able to live however they want, without being judged. I’m glad that you liked the article. I thought it was fantastic, and was very well-written. The lightening was freaky cool!

July 1, 2014 at 9:00 am

Jamie South

I just started dating a man who is polyamory he is married with wife of 14 years, four children and has two other girlfriends aside from myself. I am seperated with two children….with a pending divorce coming soon. I am trying to adjust to his lifestyle he is very open with me about being poly. I am familar with poly due to watching tv shows like Big Love which is love its a great show, but am intrested in watching Sisterwives as well….Thank you for the article it helps me learn more about Polyamory…

Thank for you contributing your thoughts here. It’s always interesting to hear other people’s experiences and configurations. Good luck with your divorce. That much be so difficult to endure. I’m glad the TV shows at least give people a frame of reference. There are lots of great articles on the “Articles page” of this blog for further reading, as well as the all of the previous blog posts. Happy learning and sending good karma your way. 🙂