I am a teenage male who is
frankly rather scared of his
attitude toward women. Understand
that normally I tend to be
rather liberal and progressive
(Pro-choice, ETC) however I
have certain compulsions that
frankly scare the hell out
of me. I have recurrent fantasies
of raping women and enjoy the
idea of dominating them. I
also enjoy media depicting
the rape, humiliation torture
and murder of women. I've even
experienced a time when I was
extremely tempted to rape a
woman I passed on the street
late at night. I'm frightened
that these compulsions are
causing me to look down upon
women, but I'm more frightened
that I'll eventually snap and
do something horrible.

Do you have any suggestions
for someone like me? I don't
want to rape anyone. I don't
want to go to jail. I don't
want to have to live knowing
I ruined or ended a woman's
life. Are there any support
groups or resources for men
like me? I'm terrified that
if I admit this to anyone they'll
lock me up and throw away the
key, but I'm more terrified
that I'm going to hurt someone.
Maybe someone close to me.
Isn't there anything I can
do?

I am not entirely surprised
by your feelings precisely
because the culture seems to
reinforce such behavior and
in some instances even encourages
it. And as hard as it is for
some women to break free of
a role that suggests that they
be dominated, it's hard to
men to step outside of a role
that tells them to dominate.
So it's not a surprise that
you are thinking them, but
I guess the more important
question is how to not act
upon them. And I think the
best incentive might be....that
you just don't and that's what
distinguishes you from others.
I know many men share your
observations and desires, but
what distinguishes them is
that they know they would never
act upon them and thus just
because the image might be
there doesn't mean you should
make it a reality.

And I also
think it's important to understand
why you have such feelings — and
certainly the cultures general
attitude is to blame, but also
I think you should delve back
into your own experiences.
Often men have these feelings
or act on these feelings either
because they themselves were
abused and thus the power dynamic
feels familiar to them or because
they have insecure in other
ways and thus have a desire
to dominate. To help answer
those questions you might consider
talking to a therapist. And
in general, just talking is
often a good first step — sometimes
just acknowledging it helps.