Written by Jess Bowie & Jacqueline Tenreiro on 22 October 2015 in Culture

Culture

Many of the world’s most famous government officials never actually existed. As the legendary crown servant James Bond returns to our screens in Spectre, we profile some more made-up mandarins – and invite you to vote for your favourite. Illustrations by John Levers

The name? Bond, James Bond.First appearance: Ian Fleming’s 1953 novel, Casino Royale​Age: CLASSIFIEDPlace of origin: CLASSIFIEDJob: Royal Navy Commander, CMG, RNVR, and Senior Operational Officer Department: 00 Branch Organisation: MI6Interests: Gadgets, women, cigarettes and martinis (shaken, not stirred)Key information: Bond – equipped with both licence and looks to kill – jets across the globe on missions of national securityMost likely to say: “Only M would have me court-martialed for illegal use of government equipment.”

Name: Arthur Weasley First appearance: JK Rowling’s novel, Harry Potter and the Chamber of SecretsAge: 65(ish)Place of origin: Ottery St. Catchpole, Devon Department: Misuse of Muggle ArtefactsOrganisation: Ministry of MagicInterests: Muggles, flying cars, spending time with family, wizard equalityKey information: While working for the Ministry of Magic, Arthur worked on the Muggle Protection Act, which helped keep non-magic people safe from the dangers of anti-muggle discrimination.Most likely to say: “Tell me, what exactly is the function of a rubber duck?”

Name: Diana PrinceFirst appearance: Issue 1 of Sensation Comics, 1942Age: 23Place of origin: ThemysciraJob: Prior to her position as an agent who polices dangerous metahumans, Diana has been an Army nurse, intelligence officer, astronaut and UN employee, to name a few. Organisation: Department of Metahuman AffairsInterests: Lassos, feminismKey information: Diana Prince is the alter-ego of superhero Wonder Woman, a persona she adopted after she realised she wanted a life away from the fame of her heroics. During her time as an agent in the Department of Metahuman Affairs, her mission is – ironically enough – to capture Wonder Woman.Most likely to say: “I know who raised me… and what I was raised to do.”

Name: John Frobisher First appearance: Russell T Davies’ TV drama TorchwoodAge: Actor Peter Capaldi was 51 when he began playing John Frobisher Job: Permanent secretary since 2003. The 90s were spent working as director of crime control policyOrganisation: Home OfficeInterests: AliensKey information: Considered dispensable by the government, John Frobisher served as a liaison for the collusion between 456, a drug-dealing alien race, and the British government. Things went further downhill when he ordered the assassination of all individuals involved with the group, including Torchwood’s Captain Jack Harkness.Most likely to say: “I’ve been authorised to offer you one child for every million people on planet Earth. That’s about 6,700 in total.”

Name: Natalie First appearance: The 2003 film Love ActuallyAge: Late 20s Place of origin: Wandsworth (the dodgy end)Job: The prime minister’s tea lady Organisation: Number 10 Interests: Politics, sort ofKey information: Natalie is a new member of the prime minister’s household staff, more specifically the one who serves his tea and biscuits. Her first meeting with the PM could have gone better: she referred to him by his first name and accidentally let slip a few expletives. It can’t have been that bad, though, since she still got to snog him at the end.Most likely to say: “I did have an awful premonition that I was gonna f--- up on the first day... Oh, piss it!”

Name: Terri Coverly First appearance: First episode of ArmandoIannucci’s political satire The Thick of ItAge: Actor Joanna Scanlan was 44 when she took on the role in 2005Job: Director of communicationsDepartment: The Department of Social Affairs and Citizenship (DoSAC, formerly the DSA)Interests: Call the Midwife (has been known to hum the theme tune during meetings), leaving on time, getting her dog on Britain’s Got TalentKey information: Was formerly head of press for Waitrose. Has survived five secretaries of state, but still dreams of jacking it all in and opening a teashop in Ludlow.Most likely to say: “I’m sorry if you think I’m being obstructive but I cannot and I will not do as you ask.”

Name: Alfred Jones First appearance: The 2007 novel, Salmon Fishing in the YemenAge: Actor Ewan McGregor was 40 when he played Dr Alfred Jones in the 2011 film adaptation of the bookJob: Fisheries expert Department: National Centre for Fisheries ExcellenceOrganisation: Department for Environment, Food and Rural AffairsInterests: SalmonKey information: Fisheries expert Alfred Jones is contacted by Harriet, a financial adviser whose wealthy client has the unlikely idea of bringing fly-fishing to the Yemen desert. Dr Jones resists, but the FCO and the prime minister have their own reasons for wanting the scheme to go ahead...Most likely to say: “When things get tricky in my life, I talk to my fish.”

Name: Tracy Jacks First appearance: In the 1994 Blur song ‘Tracy Jacks’Age: He’s getting past 40Place of origin: Just a train ride from WaltonJob: “Works in civil service”Interests: He’s a golfing fanatic (but his putt is erratic)Key information: Tracy Jacks is a highly dissatisfied civil servant, who ultimately gives up on his “steady employment” and has something of a mental breakdown – complete with running around in the nude and bulldozing down his homeMost likely to say: “It’s just so overrated!”

Name: Winston SmithFirst appearance: George Orwell’s novel, 1984Age: 39Place of origin: OceaniaJob: ClerkDepartment: Department of RecordsOrganisation: Ministry of TruthInterests: Revolution, rebellion, books and ginKey information: Though working for a totalitarian government as re-writer of historical documents, Winston dreams of revolution and freedom. In secret, his political curiosity drives him to learn more about his oppressive government and perform acts of rebellion.Most likely to say: “Down with Big Brother” are the famous words Winston repeatedly scrawled in his diary

Name: Humphrey Appleby​First appearance: ‘Open Government’ episode of the seminal Whitehall sitcom Yes, MinisterAge: The late Sir Nigel Hawthorne was 48 when he began playing the part of Sir HumphreyPlace of origin: Haslemere, SurreyJob: Permanent secretary; cabinet secretary Organisation: Department of Administrative Affairs, later the Cabinet OfficeInterests: Preserving the status quo Key information: Sir Humphrey is known for his elitism, his deviousness, and his ability to deploy deliberately obfuscating language when talking to his minister Jim Hacker in order achieve the outcome he desires Most likely to say: “Diplomacy is about surviving until the next century – politics is about surviving until Friday afternoon.”