Menu

Thursday, November 28, 2013

{ My Brightest Light: In Memory of Princess Angob}

Losing someone close to you really really hurts. And I might want to express my feelings and grief onto this blog, so let me be. I am really depressed. REALLY. And every time I would think of her, it saddens me because I won't be able to see her again.

Ever... again.

One of my closest friends, Princess Angob, passed away yesterday, November 27, 2013. She left the world at a very young age. And as I would remember her, the words " hyper", "energetic", "noisy", "funny", "random", etc. and all the synonyms of those words, would pop out in my mind. She would keep things at her own pace, mostly in a bad way and it sometimes annoys and pisses me off. But that's her, and I accept her as who she is. And I definitely won't change her.

No wonder I didn't have the appetite for lunch yesterday before noon. She passed away at that time. After work, I received a text message from a friend while I was getting my things from my locker, stating " Cess is gone. :C ". I just stood there. Stunned. Shocked. In total disbelief of what I had just read. I couldn't believe it. I didn't want to believe it. I replied to the message as I hurriedly drove home. I want to see it for myself. To see is to believe, as the saying goes. As I cruised over her Facebook profile, wall posts of " R.I.P."s, " Thanks Cess for everything...", sad messages like those, consumed me. I also read a status from her brother about her passing. " Even though we've fought a lot of times, and mostly because of misunderstandings, I will always love you my little sister. R.I.P. Princess Angob". All of a sudden, a flashback of our memories together and a giant feeling of pain suddenly overwhelmed me at that instant and tears suddenly fell. I started crying. Sobbing. Calling out her name, hoping her spirit would hear me. Imagining that she's just standing there in front of me. Would see me in dismay. Letting her know how much she means to me.

We've shared problems, played countless Counter Strike games against each other, drink to our heart's content on silly matters such as love dilemmas and the like, and call each other insulting names as an endearment. But that's what our friendship was all about. It was true. It was magical. It was lovely.

She was such a strong girl. When I asked her how she's holding up when she heard the news about her illness, she answered " God has plans for me. You will always be my sweety, remember that. Don't worry. Everything's going to be alright. I'm strong just like you." What I didn't know was that ...

... those were her last words to me.

Reminiscing all the memories I have with her is all I can do now. She has gone to a place where I can't reach her. She left her family and her friends in the material world. And to where she is right now, I know she isn't suffering and is in the safest company. She is happy. With Him.

Losing her made me realize that life is easily lost. And you only get to live it once. First thing, you're hanging out with someone; laughing, having so much fun and the next thing you know, that person is gone. Just like that. In an instant. That quick. It's so painful. But what's more painful is that, she isn't there anymore. It's not like those moments wherein a person moves to another country. You'd still have means of communication, even if that person is on the other side of the world. This is different. She is permanently gone, and it breaks my heart. And as I am typing this now, I am sobbing.

My friend sent me Cess' mobile number and told me to send her my last message. She reassured me that Cess is REALLY going to read it. And so I did. Without a second thought. It is so ironic that I have so much to tell you, but life is really short. Really... really short. Remember our favorite quote: " Sweety, I'm blinded by the white light." We would say this every time you would throw a flash bomb at me in Counter Strike. Oh, those times. </3

Sweety, I really treasure our friendship. You are one of the greatest gifts that God gave me. You've let me experience new things and new feelings. I know you are in a very wonderful place right now, but I just want you to know how much you mean to me. I really really love you Sweety. If only I could feel your touch, see you smile, see you have fun while you're playing your guitar, hear you laugh and call out "Sweety" one more time... And also, would be given enough time to tell you one last message, I'd gladly accept.

If only.

-

Cess,

You were like a sister to me. My partner-in-crime against boys and their odds. My personal clown when I feel the blues.

And especially, you were my brightest ray of light during my darkest times.