After all, the cupcake is the iPod of cake—portable, fashionable, perfectly sized for the busy urban dweller who can’t be hauling a birthday cake everywhere in case an unexpected cake craving (ca-kraving) should strike.

Across from me, four elderly women with bifocals whispered amongst themselves while glancing in my direction, probably discussing how much candy I was eating if I had to guess. ‘I will be one of them soon,’ I thought.

You’ll imagine you’re playing simply to purge this compulsion from your system, that once you’re finished, you can move on to other more important, productive activities in your life, perhaps outdoor activities even, but the truth is: Fallout: New Vegas is hundreds of hours long with three different expansion packs and endless replay value due to the branching storylines. There is no future for you.

In the haunted house levels, for example, he would say, “Reminds me of Halloween at Rip Taylor’s!” and I’d think, ‘Who’s Rip Taylor? I’m 11.” In the dinosaur stages, he would say, “Marshall, Will, and Holly on a routine expedition,” and I’d be like, “What? Who are those people? What is he talking about? I’m 11.”

Around the corner from my apartment, there’s a Thai restaurant called Thai Thank You. You get it? It’s like “Bye, thank you,” except Thai Thank You, a pun on a common phrase, one you’d probably receive as you left Thai Thank You, thus adding to the humor. Here is a list of other suitable names for a Thai restaurant.