“Liveblogging” Jaclyn’s Say Yes to the Dress episode

The episode (s14e11) may have been released week’s ago, but I don’t have cable and was not able to find it through…other means in the following days. And then, to be completely honest, I forgot. But I’m here now!

I will start this episode at 10:06 (Yes, I ran late to my own blog. What else is new?) and time stamp my comments. It’s almost like Matt doing a liveblog, except there will be no embedded tweets. Oddly enough, no one will be live tweeting a weeks old episode of Say Yes to the Dress. People ought to get their priorities straight.

10:06 Oh cool, a blue-haired girl. She looks fun.

10:07 No Jaclyn in the intro, where are you Jaclyn?

10:08 Unlimited budget who wants something “different”. This should be good.

10:10 I spent the last two weeks at work writing about couture bridal gowns so none of these dresses shock me anymore.

10:11 Okay they’re starting their other girl segment, but it’s the blue-haired girl. She doesn’t want to wear white, natch.

10:13 If you want a colorful dress, wouldn’t you be better off just getting a fancy evening gown?

10:15 Seriously just googled to confirm that Jaclyn is even on this episode. No sign of her yet.

10:16 This episode is a combination of faux-edgy brides who want something “different” and judgy moms who think their lives will be ruined if their daughters don’t wear a traditional dress.

10:17 Good god, she’s crying just because she doesn’t like the dress. You don’t have to buy it just because you’re trying it on!

10:18 Alright now there’s some horrifying bride here for her fitting. STILL NOT JACLYN.

10:19 She’s having a fucking Gatsby themed wedding. I hate when people say that. You mean a 1920s aesthetic. I’m assuming your decor is not meant to evoke a disillusionment of the Jazz Age.

10:20 Neither of her two dresses look 1920s inspired.

10:21 You can tell what season this is by Nicole’s hair. The shorter the hair, the newer the season. When did she shave the side?

10:26 Blue-haired girl found a dress she and her mom both love and is turning her veil into a cape.

10:26 Okay now we’re seeing Gatsby girl’s wedding. Where the fuck is Jaclyn??

10:29 Alright looks like some mother fuckers mislabeled their episode links. Piracy is wrong, kids. [Editor’s note: You’re embarrassing us here Emma. I mean, more so than usual.]

10:38 Okay I think I found it.

10:40 THERE’S JACLYN! Looks like she’s just there for a fitting.

10:41 A self-described “Jewish American Puerto Rican princess” just showed to Kleinfeld on a hoverboard.

10:41 It’s become clear that this is the cleavage themed episode. Suddenly the boys are wishing they had signed up for this. [Editor’s note: pics or it didn’t happen.]

10:42 Her fiancé has a very long name. She said he’s a “mouthful.” Heh. Phrasing.

10:43 The mom is totally on board with the dress, but her friends think it’s “too see-through” and “a little much.” Now she’s getting sassy.

10:43 Now a bride is entering while filming herself on a selfie stick. What’s with the weird technology inserts? Pastor’s daughter on the cleavage episode? Interesting.

10:45 Honey, if your budget is $2,500, this is not the store for you.

10:46 Sure enough, the first dress they put her in is $3,300.

10:48 Hoverboard is back. Her crew loves the dress but she hates it. Now everyone’s starting to get snippy.

10:49 They’ve put the pastor’s daughter in a see-through bodice. Let’s see how this plays out.

10:50 The dad didn’t even notice until the consultant pointed it out. They can usually add a lining underneath, for the record.

10:51 JACLYN HAS ARRIVED. In her intro she mentions she’s worried because she lost a bit of weight. They didn’t get engaged until after Survivor though, right? Why are you losing weight afterSurvivor?

10:52 She’s explaining her syndrome and talking about Jon. She has NOT mentioned Survivor and I am devastated.

10:53 You know who did mention Survivor? WHITNEY FUCKING DUNCAN.

10:54 Pnina Tornei (the designer, for you plebeians) shows up and points out that the sleeves are too short and now Jaclyn is stressed that it can be fixed in time for their wedding in a month.

I had to screen cap while the video was playing, otherwise there would be a big pause button.

10:54 We’re back to the other bride, but if Jaclyn is the one in the fitting, we should have some footage of their wedding.

10:55 Hoverboard decided she likes a plainer dress (still with a plunging neckline) as long as she has a ridiculous jeweled headband.

10:57 Hoverboard is sleeping on it too. Is that a new theme?

10:58 Pastor’s daughter is way too excited over a dress that I am so not into. Everyone’s crying.

11:00 It’s time for Jon and Jaclyn’s wedding! The sleeves are long enough!

11:01 They still look very generic. I tried, but I couldn’t spot any of the SJDS crew in the crowd. Whatever, we’ve seen the photos.