Seven Questions With… Rod Woodward

Rod Woodward is a Welsh stand up comedian with a particular interest in sport, which adds an interesting and ‘niche’ dimension to some of his material. He has supported the likes of Paddy McGuinness and Russell Brand as well having performed at the ITV1 Royal Variety Performance in 2014. Rod will be at performing his latest show The Journey Starts Here at various venues across the UK during May and June 2015.

To learn more about Rod, I asked him these seven questions…

1) Should humans be trying to live longer?

That really depends on what kind of human we’re talking about. Good people should be brightening the world for as long as possible. Badduns should really have the decency to check out at their earliest convenience. In the words of the great Ken Dodd, “I hope to live long enough to see the end of the DFS sale!”

2) Can you knit?

No. But I admire those who can. I read that the world’s longest scarf was knitted in my hometown of Cardiff and measures nearly 34 miles long. How many times would you have to wrap that around your neck?! By the time you got it on, the winter would be over. I wonder how long the previous record holding scarf was. I have visions of some old woman calling the Guinness Book of Records and saying, “I’ve just knitted what I think could be a record breaking scarf. How long is it? Well it’s from here to Swansea!

3) Why is sport important to you?

My Dad was a sports writer before he retired so I was brought up on sport. He covered soccer and boxing. In boxing, I can never understand why they hug after the fight. Maybe if they did the hug at the start they wouldn’t feel so obliged to try and kill each other. That’s why they get in the ring in their dressing gowns- it’s cause they know they’re going to hospital after the fight. If you look in those kitbags, they’ve got Lucozade and grapes in there. My favourite sport to play is golf thanks to the handicap system where you can be rubbish and still win. Years ago they worried that the term ‘handicap’ was offensive to people with disabilities but they weren’t bothered. They said, “Handicap?! I’m not the one wasting five hours in the pouring rain dressed like a blind pimp!”

4) Do you watch panel shows?

I have stopped watching them as they give me flashbacks to a pilot for a sporting/comedy panel show I was involved with when I had to go head to head with Frank Lampard in a keep-up competition. I was allowed to use a football and Frank beat me… with a pickled onion!!! I am still in therapy over it.

5) Would you say you’re a brave person?

You never know how you will react to a proper fright until you get one. The other day my wife told me she was staying at her friend’s house overnight but changed her mind and decided to go home. When I got back from a gig very late, the house was in darkness and I assumed my wife was out like she’d originally told me. Little did I know she was hiding inside the darkness. She waited for me to turn on the lights, make myself some tea and toast, switch on the TV and start flicking through the channels. Then she jumped out from behind the sofa and shouted “BOO!”. Embarrassingly, my spontaneous reaction was to throw the tray in the air and scream “GET AWAY!” I don’t know what effect I thought the ‘GET AWAY’ would have. As if an actual intruder would say, “No, fair play you are right… I shouldn’t be in here really.”

6) Which person on the planet scares you the most?

My wife (see previous answer. Incidents like that one are becoming a regular occurrence which makes me think she must have me insured to the back teeth). Last night she woke me up with a start and told me there was a noise downstairs and that I should go and investigate and flick the kettle on while I was downstairs. “Arm yourself,” she said handing me a backscratcher with a plastic hand on the end. “Great! If there is someone in the house let’s hope he’s an itchy burglar!”

7) Which comedian working today is the most admirable for you?

I am a huge fan of Jerry Seinfeld and was lucky enough to see him live at the O2 arena.