Vegan M&Ms promise to leech the joy out of your life Featured

We all have the same complaint when eating M&Ms: They’re too meaty. They have a chickenlike mouthfeel and a liverwurst aftertaste. Thankfully, with your sizable donation, one company will set things right.

With a name that says you don’t have to deny yourself pleasure to be a vegan, No-No’s are the vegan M&Ms. Not everyone can treat themselves to wholesome Red #40 and delectable Artificial Flavors. Some people have food allergies; others are allergic to fun. Premium Chocolatiers is making the treat for them.

If its Kickstarter succeeds, Premium Chocolatiers will make a candy sort of inspired by M&Ms, but without the milk, peanuts, tree nuts, gluten, eggs, or chocolate center. No-No’s have marshmallow in the middle, because “solid chocolate would require an additional level of equipment,” the Kickstarter says. What’s in them, you ask?

You may be thinking, “But this ingredient list is almost twice as long as the one for M&Ms!” Tsk tsk. Don’t confuse few ingredients with quality, candy-lover. You wouldn’t eat a candy made only of arsenic, now would you?

You have two options. You can go back to your life before you heard about No-No’s and try to ignore the brutal truth you learned today. Or you can plunk down $25 for four bags of No-No’s and start the revolution.