Wednesday, December 24, 2014

With the Chiefs poised to miss out on
the play-offs this season (barring a miracle of monumental
proportions) it's time to take stock.

Most people know that I am no real fan
of soccer. Conversely, I'm a big NFL fan – mostly of the Chiefs,
but I will religiously watch the play-offs no matter who's in and
who's out.

My big gripe with soccer football is
the basic unfairness of the game.

Good play often gets no reward and
minor mistakes can be punished far more than is warranted. When it
comes to officiating, things are even worse. One man, the referee,
attempts to police a large field with 22 people trying to kick a ball
(and sometimes each other). In some respects it is a minor miracle
that the ref gets some things correct at all. Take Saturday's Derby
v Norwich City game. I said at the time that the ref had a good
game. Some of the decisions he made seemed wrong at first glance
but, in replay he was absolutely correct. My only gripe was about
the “non-decisions” - the ones where fouls that should have been
given weren't – the free kicks wrongly awarded – that sort of
stuff. So, when the game is so close and goals so ridiculously
difficult to score every small error by the ref is multiplied and
affects the game much more that it should. Soccer is just too
haphazard for me. One team can clearly play better, create more
scoring chances, defend well, run rings around the opposition and
still lose because the ref makes a big mistake. Not good enough.

Wait a minute! Looking over the NFL
results from last week, I was summarily hoisted on my own petard!

I always do the prediction game in the
KC Star – for a bit of fun. Last week I thought I had a few
bankers. Firstly I had the Eagles to beat the Redskins. Score:
Eagles 24 – Redskins 27. I had the 49ers to whomp on the Chargers
at home. Result: Chargers 38 – San Fran 35. Everyone had the
Packers to slaughter the hapless Tampa Bay Bucks. Result: Pack 20 –
Bucks 3 (GB should have won this easily whilst resting their
starters). Lions 20 – Bears 14 – me and my gran should be able to
beat the Bears. Detroit are supposed to be challenging for a Super
Bowl berth. The NY Giants beat the St Louis Rams 37 – 27. The
Panthers beat the Browns! And, on Monday night the Bungles beat the
Broncos. Finally, the Raiders beat the Bills 26 – 24. (Even
though the Old Enemy beat the Chiefs – which will probably cost the
boys in red a play-off spot – they are without a doubt the worst
team in the league!)

What's going on?

All my injunctions about “Any Given
Sunday” seem to be happening at once. And it is just the very
small things that are costing teams bit-time.

Take the Chiefs on Sunday. Some very
tough calls by the officials (Charles fumble – a crazy spot short
of the first down, an absolutely set-in-stone pass interference call
in favour of Albert Wilson that the officials missed, missed and
missed again, etc.) meant that the game was decided not by the
players but by the officials.

Sunday, December 14, 2014

To paraphrase Mark Twain ( ‘The
reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.’ ) or, perhaps
more appropriately, Bill Bryson (My countrymen think I'm dead) I did
manage to make it back to the Land of the Free and the Home of the
Brave this last September/October only to discover that whilst I may
have been missed - I was not entirely forgotten.

I made the first mistake before we even
left Norwich. We had a very early American Airlines flight out of
Heathrow. Taking the coach the day before was definitely the best
option. When we arrived at Norwich Bus Station, we had to double
park the car in order to unload the bags. In the rush I left my
mobile phone plugged into the car phone charger. I first noticed
this when the bus was heading down the A 11. Far too late to do
anything about it.

Immediately I was flummoxed. I spent
most of the bus ride to Heathrow realising how dependent we are on
such communication devices. This would have astounded our not very
distant ancestors. Consider - I am old enough to remember the first
Television I ever saw. (1950 – Chicago – little Jewish kid on the
block had one and let us come over to see it – a round six-inch
screen in the most beautiful light-mahogany cabinet you have ever
seen). I can remember when mobile (cell) phones were miraculously
new and becoming available to general smucks such as I. I remember
no email. No text messages. No voicemail. No answering machines. In
short, no lots of stuff we take for granted today. Without my phone,
(replete with all my contacts) I could not contact Steve or Pete to
tell them I had no phone. To make matters worse I cheerfully
remembered telling Juliet to leave her mobile at home – we would
not be needing it!

I had to rely on Steve turning up at
Heathrow at the general time we were supposed to be there. He did. I
decided not to buy a new phone just for the trip – again chancing
it that my sister would be at the other end when I got to Kansas
City.

We were fortunate enough to be invited
to dine with Steve and Lucy and catch up with grand-daughter Darcey
the evening before our flight. In the midst of a convivial supper, I
let it slip that I was not looking forward to the Chicago O'Hare
airport portion of the journey. Not only did we have to change
terminals (three to five travelling via a kind of overhead tram
thing), clear immigration (two lots - one for me one for Juliet) and
clear customs with heavy bags; we also had a limited amount of time
to achieve this.

Lucy piped up, “Get a wheelchair.”
I protested that we were old - but not that old. She explained that
the airlines must give you a wheelchair if you ask for one. There is
no inquest and no quibbling. They just do it. I explained that I
wanted to wander around the airport after checking-in, and she
assured me that this was not a problem. Just ask at the desk before
boarding I did. It works. It's fantastic. Always ask for a
wheelchair when travelling. Apparently many Middle Eastern ladies of
youthful appearance demand wheelchairs at Heathrow to carry their
shopping, and they get them with no hassle.

I don't sleep well before a flight. We
were up at 04:30 and at the airport by 05:00 for a 07:30 flight.
Lovely. I had just enough time to buy two books (I have to read on a
plane – can't sleep). Off we went to Chicago with American
Airlines.

Flying is boring. That's why they feed
you. It gives you (and them) something to do for a medium-sized
portion of the eight or nine hours you are cruising over the
Atlantic. Question: when did they start allowing twin-engined
aircraft fly the Atlantic? Apparently it was in 1990. Personally, I
think the more engines the better – even though I am not a great
fan of the Boeing 747.

Wheelchair at O'Hare turned up
miraculously right outside the aircraft. Juliet was duly loaded and
we were escorted through the labyrinth of getting to our connecting
flight to KC. Absolute magic!

Best part of the trip was sitting
quietly waiting for the flight to KC when an announcement asked for
Juliet Kauffman to come to the desk. Did she needed a wheelchair in
Kansas City? I cheerfully and gratefully said no. At MCI we can
manage. An uneventful flight deposited us in KC and, fortunately, my
nephew Chris did turn up to drive us to my sister's house in spite of
me being incommunicado for stupidly leaving my phone in the car at
Norwich Bus Station.

I've done the drive home before. You
come out of the airport going generally east and run into Interstate
29/35 going south towards KC. Not now. You go straight ahead onto
Interstate 425 which goes south
towards Independence. Think of the I 425 as a bit like the M 25 –
it provides a circle route around the KC metro area just as the M 25
does for London.

This very neatly
illustrates an important point. At any given time somewhere in
Missouri some road is being built/improved/widened. And why wouldn't
you? Head down the highway and there is nothing on either side
except brush/scrub land not much good for anything else. So, why not
plaster it in concrete and drive on it? Good call. Damn good call!

The pace of change
accelerates. Change breeds more change. In Independence, Missouri
not much remains of the old city of my childhood. I wanted to visit
the old stomping grounds, but I never quite made it. I was just too
busy.

I was jet-lagged.
I stayed up as late as I could before staggering to bed, but I still
woke up early the next morning. I was still jet-lagged two days
later. Finally I resurfaced and managed to contact old friends. I
was greatly assisted in this by the loan of a mobile phone which my
brother-in-law Mike had spare. (Many thanks). So, the phone
disaster actually worked in my favour as I only had to pay for
pay-as-you-go calls instead of the overseas rates I would have paid
on the mobile I left behind.

(aside – when I
got back I discovered that Pete had found my phone in the car,
brought it into the house, put it down in the kitchen and forgot
about it. The battery was flat as a lizard drinking, as the Aussies
would say. I plugged it into the mains charger, but it stubbornly
refused to charge. I took it to Norwich and they had to give it a
“boost” charge to get it going. Moral: don't let your
cell/mobile phone get completely out of charge!)

My jet-lag
persisted. For a few days I felt decidedly under the weather. I was
functioning but only at 80%. I did feel well enough to attend two
baseball games at Kauffman Stadium and the Chiefs game at Arrowhead.

In the UK we get
extensive coverage of the NFL. We have done for more than a few
years now. We had three regular season games at Wembley Stadium this
season and will have three more next year – including a Chiefs home
game for which I will move heaven and earth to attend!

Baseball is another
story. There is very little coverage other than, perhaps, World
Series highlights. You have to pay an extra subscription to the
broadcasters to enjoy regular season baseball. Even then it's a sort
of “game of the week” type situation – not conducive to
following the KC Royals. Therefore I was completely out of touch
when I arrived in KC. Take me out to the ball game!

The first game I
saw was a Royals loss. This is not surprising as I hadn't seen them
win a game with me in the stadium since the 1970's. Most notable
event was Juliet's new-found aversion to heights. We trudged up into
the upper deck only to be informed that it was too much for her. I
took her down to the mezzanine level and bought her two hot dogs
(that cheered her up no end). A kindly steward asked if she could
help and I explained the problem. She offered to try to find Juliet
a seat in the lower deck. I decided to walk her around a bit first
and we ran into my sister who decided to take Juliet shopping behind
the right field bullpen. A result for Julie!

I finally saw a
Royals win on my next trip to the ball park (I went with others and
left Juliet at home!) To cut a long story short, they made the
play-offs, had a remarkable run all the way to the World Series and
lost the seventh and final game 3-2!

The weekend saw my
50th Anniversary High School Reunion. Go Bears!

On Friday we played
golf at Drumm Farm Golf Club. I knew the course, for I had played
there with Larry Dean the last time I was in Independence.
Unfortunately, they have gone up-market. The rough was extensive and
it was deep. I found it regularly. I even managed to hit one in the
pond.

I played with Terry
Galloway and his wife. One of the great things about the reunion was
seeing how folks had changed in fifty years. Terry had not. Of
course, in a class as large as ours (600+ kids) There were hundreds
of people you did not know, even by sight. Terry was a star on the
basketball team, so even though I did not have any classes with him I
“knew” him. Disgustingly, he had not changed a bit. Just less
hair. I'm sure he could still shoot hoops with the best of them. He
and his wife were extremely competitive – with each other
fortunately. They were content to watch me hack around the course in
my usual style. I shot about my usual – 120-ish but everyone had a
great time.

On Saturday morning
we went back to the old school for a guided tour. How memory fades!
We were warned that the building had undergone a complete make-over
recently, but; nevertheless, as the outside looks just as it did in
'64 perhaps we expected the same inside. Not so. At various points
we were able to place old classrooms, old rest-rooms and old views.
I particularly enjoyed the wall-mounted plaques “honouring” WCHS
graduates who had achieved something notable throughout the years.
Very impressive – though I was suspiciously absent.

After a nice box
lunch we had the afternoon to rest up for the main event – the
reunion dinner. Larry got himself double-booked. One of Connie's
nephews was getting married in the late afternoon, so he went to the
ceremony and then changed and picked us up. Imagine the scene -
150-odd old folks who don't really know each other, though they may
have done 50 years ago, sitting down to dinner at tables for 12. Point One for the reunion committee, the names
tags needed to be far larger. At our table, I recognised Peggy
Townley, who was one of the reunion organisers, and also a fellow
sufferer from Sophomore History class in 1962.

(This was a very
interesting class. The teacher, I believe, was Mr Davidson. Point
Two for the reunion committee, the reunion booklet should
have included the names of the teachers and what happened to them.
He must have been new to the job. Certainly, he didn't look very
old. His methods were suspect to say the least. We went through the
history text book chapter by chapter. We were supposed to read the
chapter for homework and be prepared to answer questions in class.
I've always liked History. I've always been a very fast reader. I
had read the whole text book by about week two. I was bored. He
would ask questions and then call on someone in the class to answer.
In the beginning, I would put my hand up if I knew the answer –
which was almost always. He would avoid calling on me. Then he
couldn't resist the challenge. He'd call. I'd give the answer.
Soon he more or less gave up. I upped the ante. I would only put up
my hand when I wasn't 100% sure of the answer. He never called on me
in this situation. When I knew the answer, I'd sit at the back with
a puzzled and distraught look on my face. He couldn't resist. He'd
call on me. I'd struggle, seemingly, and then give the correct
answer. Poor man – he never figured it out.)

The dinner was a
great success. A very nice meal and a chance to mingle. The
highlight was the class reunion photo. I got on the back row and
tried to get my head between the two ladies in front of me. I
failed. You can see about 75% of my splendiferous visage.

Next day, Sunday, I
went to the Chiefs game with Stoner (Juliet, convinced she had
vertigo, forestalled) and saw them whip the Patriots big time. The
first week was rounded off more than successfully.

One thing that
puzzled me was the absence of “ethnic” faces in the crowd at both
Kauffman Stadium and Arrowhead. It was explained to me that the
pricing of tickets for both baseball and football was now so
up-market that poorer people were effectively excluded. I heard what
they were saying, but I'm still not entirely convinced.

I was even more
disgruntled to learn that some states are placing restrictions on
voting and wondered if this tied in with what I was seeing? I
checked out the Texas voting procedures. They do not present much
problem to the citizen who is only relatively well off. If you have
a photo driver's licence you are in. Ditto for passport. So, if the
intention is to avoid voter fraud, then fine. But what about those
who are so poor that they don't have access to any qualifying
documents? It still smells a bit like Jim Crow. I believe the
courts are looking at this as I write.

We look down the
long lens of history and think we learn. Sometimes we do –
sometimes we don't. Current events in Ferguson, Mo show how fragile
a democracy can get. Is the lack of black faces in the crowd at
Arrowhead some kind of cultural apartheid? Are the NFL and MLB
consciously pricing blacks out of the market? I just don't know. I
do know there were not many blacks at the games I attended. That's a
fact.

Is the current
apoplectic furore regarding President Obama's plans to use an
Executive Order to allow millions of illegal immigrants, mostly
Hispanic, to obtains residency rights but not voting rights a symptom
or a cause? “President Obama is announcing his executive action
on immigration, and some conservatives are raging with ... Right-wing
claims aside, the President's immigration order won't give voting
rights to unauthorized immigrants.” Whether this will prevent them
from voting in practice remains to be seen.

Don't forget
America is the home of voter fraud (and the hanging chad). We
probably invented it. The colony of Rhode Island was founded by
after a split from Massachusetts because of voting irregularities.
America is the home of Boss Tweed (NY), Boss Pendergast (KC Mo) Mayor
Richard Daley (Chicago) and Boss Butler of St Louis (The King of them
all), who was occasionally known to call out to his men, in full
hearing of the police at the voting station, “Are there any more
repeaters out there that want to vote again.”

So, what is the
President up to? Lame duck Presidents are always looking to protect
what they see as their legacy. One way for Obama to do this is to
make sure that Hispanic Americans know which side their bread is
buttered on. He's probably just electioneering for the Democratic
Party. All Presidents do things to favour their own party.

I wonder how many
folks in KC know anything about the immigration issue here in the UK?
I suspect not too many. The UK has its own “problem” with
immigration. The UK even has their own political party on the
subject – UKIP (United Kingdom Independence Party). They are
currently riding high (about 16%) in the polls and threatening to be
a real force in the next general election, which will be in May 2015.
Their main platform issue is withdrawal from the European Union.

One of the central
tenets of the EU is the free movement of capital and labour. So by
being a member, the UK has no control over who or how many people
from other EU countries may come and live and work here. UKIP want
to change this by withdrawing from the EU. The other three parties,
Conservative, Labour and Liberal Democrats all want to stay in –
but change various aspects of the free movement of labour policy.
The Conservatives are promising a renegotiation and a referendum
afterwards – provided they win the next election. The
anti-immigrant vote is on the march. Supporters of withdrawal say
that current levels of immigration (about +260 000/year) are
unsustainable. (This is a small, overcrowded Island already.)

The best analogy
would be if the USA, Canada and Mexico formed some kind of Union
where workers and capital could move freely between each. The EU is
far more complicated as it involves countries as diverse as Germany
and Spain or Greece and Latvia. By this comparison, Obama's
initiative on immigration looks pretty tame.

Into the second
week and it was definitely family time. Brother Jim and brother Mark
drove in from Illinois for my nephew Mike's wedding. Before the
festivities could commence we had to play golf in the Kauffman
Championship match.

Off we went to
Royal Meadows. I actually played my first game of golf here many,
many years ago. It was called Stayton Meadows then. The golfing
gods decreed that I missed the golf-talent gene when I inherited my
left-handedness from the Old Man. That is a bit of a shame, cause he
was quite a good left-handed golfer. Brother Jim got most of the
family talent, but Brother Mark is pretty much in my mould.
Nevertheless, with family pride at stake it was a hard-fought match.
Nephew Mike Kauffman made up the foursome. He's young and fit and
hits the ball, as my Uncle Ray used to say “out where the big dogs
pee”, and occasionally in the correct direction. The most amazing
part of the entertainment was a golfing tip I got from Jim. Whether
or not it was the cause I managed my best score ever – exactly 100.
As usual with golf, I can think of ten ways I could have shaved just
one stroke off and broke the hundred barrier!

The wedding was
wonderful. Mike married Bradee Risen – two good German families
reunited after many generations. I enjoyed the whole thing – it
was excellent. The venue was very good and I met lots of new folks.

The remainder of
the time was spent visiting friends, shopping and going out to
dinner.