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May 19, 2015

Shadows Before Suicide

I've always found the theme song from M*A*S*H to be darkly compelling. Beautiful and melodic, it is an oddly seductive paean to ending it all. Reading the latest from the marvelous Gaby Petris, it occurs to me that for many people, Teal Bosworth Scott Swan's relentless obsession with suicide has a similar allure for many of her followers. She is far more dangerous. When she speaks of suicide as, not only painless, but blissful, she does so without tongue in cheek. Hers is a kind of siren song pulling her many suicidal followers closer and closer to the rocks.

I want to show you a precarious vortex that is massing around the teacher Teal Swan. Within it suffering people seeking an answer are circling. I want to communicate a sense of its dangerous undertow. That pulls people in. And under.

I first became aware of Gaby's writings, when her first post on this topic was recommended to me in a comment on my last post on teal. It is also must reading. When I learned that she was working on a more in-depth piece, my only question was, how can I help? Together, Gaby and I sorted through screenshots we've both collected of Teal Tribe discussions about the suicide option, and about the 22 year-old triber who recently took his own life.

When I really delve into the patterns of teal's communication with her flock, the picture that emerges always proves to be so much worse than I'd thought. I am eavesdropping, I know, as I look at these snapshots of Teal Tribe conversation. I am not a tealer or a triber. I am an observer, a rubbernecker, watching accidents occur in slow motion. And it is an awful thing to see the train coming and be so unable to stop it.

Teal Tribe is brimming over with creative, intelligent, even brilliant, people. Many are also wounded and vulnerable. And, far too many are suicidal.

I don't call teal the Typhoid Mary of Suicidal Ideation for no reason. The author of the new book on self-love from Hay House, Shadows Before Dawn, seems by her own account to have long struggled with the impulse to do herself in. Though she now claims to have moved beyond her longing for death, it was her back-up plan, should life become just too intolerable.

It may sound grim from where you are sitting today reading this, but suicide had become my exit strategy. I lived through each day by reminding myself that I could always kill myself tomorrow. I found that this allowed me to really focus on what I could do today to feel better. I did whatever I could to feel better and made feeling good the most important thing in my life

So I dedicated myself to winter sports, experimented with cooking, found places to live that felt safe, and started meditating. Slowly I found that the mantra changed from "I can always kill myself tomorrow, so what am I going to do today?" to "I can always kill myself in a week, so what am I going to do this week?" Then it became, "I can always kill myself next year, so what am I going to do this year?"

Eventually I realized that I didn't really want to kill myself anymore. Even though I struggled on occasion with suicidal feelings, those feelings were temporary instead of a permanent fixture of my life.

This is a strategy employed by many addicts. My father once explained to me that it was how he bargained with himself to quit drinking and, after he was diagnosed with throat cancer, smoking. He would tell himself, I can have one drink, one cigarette, but that one will by my last ever. This negotiation with eternity helped him to stave off drinking and smoking for the rest of his life.

Is teal a suicide addict? Is she really recovering? Or, is she dry drunking death? She still seems to be far too enamored of the idea. In teal's hands, suicide becomes not only a perfectly legitimate response to depression, but a panacea.

In one of the noncasts, I wrote about her tea thing on negative spirals. (page search: scooby) In that teacast, teal explains, between bouts of manic laughter and loud, punctuating claps, why it is that it "feels so good to die."

A lot of people who commit suicide, they get in one of those negative spirals, so they're desiring things so extremely and they're not letting themselves line up with that thing they're desiring so extremely, so that the only way that can fully line up with it is through death... Everything they desired. That's why it feels so good to die.[emphasis added] You have basically accumulated in what a lot of people who teach law of attraction [read: Abraham-Hicks] would call "vibrational escrow." It's essentially that every time you experience something unwanted you broadcast what is wanted and that becomes the vibration of your eternal self. Your eternal self, which has no resistance, adopts that vibration exactly, so that when you die you line up with it and you become that... So when you die it's like lining up with the best food you've ever eaten and the lover who you've always wanted and I mean I could list this whole thing, everything you've ever wanted from your life, you line up with.

Get it? So, if you're starving, there's a banquet waiting for you upon your death. If you're poor, there's massive abundance. If you're lonely, there's the lover of your dreams. Your "vibrational escrow," all payable at the exit from this life. So, why wait?!

She caveats that it's better to "line up" with your desires in life, to serve even greater "expansion" for yourself and the universe. Okay, fine. But, now imagine being a teal follower whose "manifesting" isn't going so well. Imagine your misery just drags on and on and that this LOA thing, about which so many promises have been made, just isn't working out for you. How much more attractive might that Publishers Clearing House grand prize you're going to claim at death start to sound?

For as much as she may claim that her own suicidal ideation is a thing of the past, she is too fond of death, romanticizes it even. This thinly-veiled desire to end it all spreads like a virus amongst her followers. Or, perhaps one might say, she sure has law-of-attracted a lot of suicidal people. At least two have decided "not to be."

There seems to be a party line in Teal Tribe that the admins adhere to. They will not condemn suicide or even work too hard to discourage it. It's not ideal, but it's a valid option. This is frequently framed as a way of preventing suicide by not being in "resistance" to it. Here, for instance, is admin Derek advising a member with a long history of suicidal comments.

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And that is one of the saner, more grounded exchanges I've seen.

In another bizarre conversation, a triber asks why this group is so open to suicide? Answer: because teal.

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But, by "open to suicide" it turns out the triber means that another member pressured him to kill himself. Well, says another, that's "silly."

Ummmm... Yeah... Silly... That's the word.

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I hope I never reach the point in life, where thoughts of suicide are comforting. It seems obvious that this would be an indicator of serious, recurring suicidal ideation. And, there is some preliminary research data attesting to that.

It seems fairly clear that teal is a magnet for people in profound psychological distress. Yet, she does not have mechanisms in place to address this. As Gaby points out, she claims to be fielding an average of 10 suicidal messages per day, but she doesn't want to take time out of her hectic schedule to try to help these people. Teal Tribe needs a referral system to address the need: hotline numbers, recommendations for actual psych professionals, not catch as catch can guidance from admins who tell them suicide is a reasonable, if less than optimal, choice.

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When I first read that comment, I thought it was hyperbole on her part, a wrongheaded attempt to deflect responsibility. After spending some time poring through more screenshots from Teal Tribe, I'm starting to think it may be accurate. She has too many followers threatening suicide to just wing it.

Many of these people want, even demand, her personal attention. Rarely do they get it.

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Others long for her ministrations only to find that when she does respond it's not actually that helpful.

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On very rare occasions, she descends from Mount Olympus to give some member of the tribe unsolicited advice... really scary unsolicited advice.

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That it doesn't resonate at all for the triber in question doesn't matter. She's too frightened by the implied premonition to question it.

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When all's said and done, maybe it helped. Hard to say. How do you judge the effectiveness of a solution to a problem you're still not sure ever existed?

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When a young man wrote that he was seriously considering suicide, teal was nowhere to be seen.

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Members, including his mother, tried to talk him down. But, hours after the last supportive comment from a triber, came the comment from his mother announcing that he had taken his own life.

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On April 18, admin Yona Curtis got 'round to making an announcement. Fly, be free, says she, suicide as liberation. An image of the young man suggests flight, but at the same time, of someone poised to take a header.

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Conspicuous by its absence, throughout this unfolding tragedy, was any comment from teal. But, she's been clear. She cannot respond to all the suicide threats from the members of her tribe – not even when people make good on those threats. She has other business to attend to, like posing and posting on Instagram.

In her new book, teal makes reference to a client she calls Linda. I'm assuming that's not her real name, but boundaries and ethics aren't exactly teal's long suit, so who can say. There are some troubling things about her story of Linda, like the way she reports telling this woman what she's feeling in such stark, damning terms. Was that an on the nose intuition or teal projecting something very disturbing onto a client too submissive to question it? Without the full context it's hard to say, but having seen teal in action, I really wonder.

After I explained to her that her reaction of wanting his affection, despite being scared, was a perfectly normal reaction to sexual trauma, I asked her how she felt about herself.

"I'm okay," she replied.

"Do you want to know what I think?" I asked. "I think you hate yourself and wish you were never born." Again, Linda started sobbing.

"Yes, you're right," she admitted. As is common with so many abuse survivors, the blame is internalized, and self-loathing becomes second nature.

. . .

Over the next hour, I informed Linda of every perception I had about her and proceeded to tell her that she was correct about the feeling that she was dying. I explained that when someone doesn't really want to live because his or her life so hard, the body begins to give out. It is a form of passive suicide. On top of MS, her body was slowly starving itself to death.

. . .

Linda's problem was self-love. She had none. And because she had none, she couldn't accept love from other people either. On an energetic level, living without love is like the body trying to live without water. Together, we designed a manageable program with a day-to-day practices around the core of self-love. Maybe because she was ready or maybe because she was desperate, Linda saw me every other week for six months. She applied every process I have outlined in this book. She learned to base every decision on self-love. And just one year later, she was like a different person. Her entire life had changed.

What struck me most, though, about teal's rendition of Linda's progress under her care, is that she reads like the the polar opposite of a client we know to have been real. That client took her own life.

As initially discussed in this post, teal told the story of her late client during a workshop.

I actually, interestingly enough, lost my first client to suicide this last year. And this was a woman who was absolutely miserable. I'm talking every moment of her life was a nightmare. And so we had that very serious sit-down talk where we had to say, alright, we're either committing or not committing to life because every time I gave her a suggestion she'd stop in two days doing the suggestion. So then we have to ask the question do we really want this to work. And what's interesting is that when she asked herself that question the answer was, "No. I'm done." There's nothing that any healer could ever do for that type of vibration which is totally fine. From source energy there's nothing wrong with death from that perspective. So, she chose to commit suicide.

So, where Linda committed to teal's program and followed all her recommendations to the letter, the client we now know to be Leslie didn't. Linda miraculously turned her sad, disease addled life around in a year – a prospect that sounds just a little too good to be true. And Leslie is dead after teal determined that her client's unwillingness to do what she wanted her to do meant no one could have helped her.

Every time I read or listen to that statement from teal, my impression is the same. It sounds like she knew her client was suicidal, like she may have even facilitated that decision. She did nothing to prevent it. She has been consistent on this point: Suicide is a reasonable solution to depression. Her Teal Tribe admins have gotten the message, as have many members.

What's so wrong with that, more than a few tealers have asked me?

Well, it might just be illegal, for a start. Certainly, psych and medical professionals have an affirmative responsibility to prevent suicide attempts. Are people in our line of work held to the same standard? The legalities are bit more vague. But I do know what my ethical responsibility is. And it's not to sit idly by in the face of credible threats of suicide. It is definitely not ethical for me to advocate for suicide as a perfectly valid option. Even in the case of elderly and otherwise terminal people, in most places, the laws do not support suicide. I may not agree with that, but the law is what it is for today.

Suicide attempts can also fail. Those injuries can leave people maimed for life: spinal injuries, brain injuries, disfigurement, and disability. I know I would not want the loss of a person's any hope for quality of life on my conscience.

Meanwhile, teal waxes on about the pleasures of death, the comfort of knowing that suicide offers a path out of emotional pain.

"The ultimate example of what most people consider to be a false prophet is Jim Jones, leader of the People’s Temple. Long story short plastic cups, Flavor Aid packets, and syringes, littered the area where the 909 bodies were found at the largest revolutionary suicide in modern history after Jones urged his followers to die in support of apostolic communism. Do not believe for a second that Jim Jones thought that he was harming people. From his perspective, he thought he was helping people. He was convinced that life on the other side of death would be the only way they could all be free." ~ TEAL

"I would have been a revolutionary in the medical field as well. Revolutionary doctors end up in jail like Dr. Kevorkian." ~ TEAL

Elena, I only wish I were more shocked by that photo. But after her slam on Koreans, not much surprises me from this woman. Not even that she still hasn't figured out that her soon-to-be ex-husband is also Asian.

That must be why you're so pushy, Elena. My husband's the same way. Half Lithuanian, so you know there's something Asiatic kicking around in his dna. So aggressive he is, with his "Ooh, I'm a US Marine." Always with martial arts and the submitting people. We all know how this works. Tsk. Asians.

Ooops, mistake on my part, I'm actually at least 25% Asiatic, since my maternal grandma was a Tartar ( and boy was she pushy lol! ). The rest, at least what I'm aware of (never gifted myself with a DNA analysis like teal), is Russian and Ukrainian...So yeah, this explains everything. I'm such a polluted mess, never mind being confused for a Scandinavian often- "Arian" I am not. tsk tsk.

Meanwhile, I'm increasingly fascinated by teal's use of tags. All those tags for one, little sentence. How long before the tags "Suck It Sarbdeep" and "Keeping the Name Biotch" are added to the list? Pretty hard to miss the subtext.

Teal's stereotyping of groups shows her own vision for 'standing out'. Idealising personalities like Hitler, reffering casually to people as 'tealers' and 'anti-tealers', asians, mexicans etc revealing how her perspective is somehow 'above' it all. Its a direct insight into her mind. I would someone claiming to be born and in control of 'ALL' the extra-sensory perceptions will have the ability to hold a perception beyond the scope of an average 'right-wing' politician. I have met militant atheists with more sensitivity than that! Teal is a parody of all her 'teachings' and 'gifts'. She is unable to demonstrate her 'xray vision' as she claimed in a recent interview, which is again,an ability claimed by a girl named Natasha Demkina from Russia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Natasha_Demkina. Just like she mimics the art by Tracey Taylor. If she can demonstrate any of her abilties in a setting with a well-balanced panel of judges, then maybe she could earn *some* credibility for her teachings. I think her list of 'careers' she tried is very interesting, which gives us insight into how desperate her situation must have been until she got to this point, looking for stardom and reverence. She claimed to have worked as a real estate agent amongst other things until she gave that up.

I am glad to see so many people now realising the potential hazard in teal's 'perspectives' and 'teachings'. She clearly is acting out due to issues of her past, but it would seem her 'issues' are not what she claims. Perhaps feeling insecure, as most kids do in school, being left out, feeling alone and wanting attention. All her 'career' seems to be revolving around that, and while in itself such an ambition would not be harmful, but giving people 'advice' when you can barely control your own life, or get your mess together, should be a warning sign.

Thankyou LaVaughn for your articles, and Cameron for her very clear articles, which certainly dont come from pure 'hate' but a level of reasoning most people locked and hypnotised in the Teal cult are unable to comprehend, but will inevitably realise at one point or another

Forgot to mention, some of her processes, like 'completion process' etc taken from Nityananda, a 'guru' in India. She literally is re-packaging and plagiarising other people's work and selling it as her own. Its sickening!!! She should be called out on her bluff, and I hope the idiots who are so hypnotised by her BS wake up, before they destroy their lives and of those around them.

I'm unfamiliar with Nityananda, but I'm quite familiar with teal's propensity to misappropriate intellectual property. Abraham-Hicks is the most obvious, but I and a number of readers have noticed the startling similarity of her work to that of other teachers, writers, and Wikipedia. I've decided to charitably refer to it as her originality gap.

Nityananda relies on Vedic scriptures and knowledge and is also a channeler of sorts. I think Teal does rely on the ignorance of her 'tealers' and the obscurity of the sources she picks and chooses to 'digest' and poop out as her own.

In BATGAP interview she did mention that this 'spiritual teacher' career is just a step along the way. Her intention is to become famous and then use it to influence policies as she would prefer. I am paraphrasing here. You are very right in mentioning that because she chooses to not cite her sources, people mistakenly assume she s the 'source' and thats a perception that benefits her. People are being disempowered in much the same way fashion magazines use photoshop to create this illusion of perfection that even the models havent achieved and that becomes a source of constant feeling of inadequacy within for most. In short ignorance of Tealers is Teal's bliss!

When we keep digging out the sources, like you did in your articles, its likely to influence *some* if not all her 'tealers' to open their eyes.

I read about Cameron's 'cord cutting' comment, and particularly liked this part of your comment, because I was starting to worry how vulnerable I am, knowing a few people around me that are likely to try some weird stuff.

"I wish for anyone who's in a similar situation to know that this stuff has NO power over you WHATSOEVER, any more than you allow it to. The attention has been led away from you, and you must reel it back, and become present with your own being, begin to reside in your own body. This is a challenge for anyone in this position, but as long as you let go of the need to take part, and get back in touch with yourself, everything will come back into balance. I'm not sure how deep this goes, or if some people are affected more than others..it seems it may be that some are more "deeply entrenched" in this energy currents, and may need to spend more time getting back in touch with themselves, or may need more assistance in doing so."

I wonder if you can write more about this concept so the 'Teal Rehab' process is easier for most. Thanks for your wonderful articulation and astute observations and staying true to your internal compass about the new age 'gurus', no matter how well-packaged they are or how badly they and their followers react to your observations.

I also wondered for long, everytime a person asked her a question or interviewed her, she had to trump or match that. In the interview with 'Doc' he mentions how she effectively manipulates the current listener. Here are a few examples

The person interviewing her was a real estate agent, ---Teal happens to have been an agent in the past only until she got her current home.

A person once on an online workshop asked about witchcraft and free will, ----And she happens to have been a 'high priestess'

Gabriel talks to her about east---She happens to be reincarnation of Sai Baba

Kelli In the RAW talks about Hollywood career - Teal happens to have already given it a shot,

Giving advice on vaccines because -She is 'medical intuitive' and can see through into a person's body (Xray Vision) as mentioned in one of her interviews.

This perception of authority has been carefully crafted since the beginning, exaggerating her sense of self, trying to dominate. Clearly this pattern stems from severe lack of self-esteem in childhood. The interview with 'Doc' was very enlightening when he mentions the beginnings of her development as this manipulative person.

The argument, 'focus on the teachings' doesnt apply anymore when we realise how they are all plagiarised, and spun to suit her personal preferences, and her 'teachings' essentially is a means to indoctrinate people into her own world view as you mentioned about her 'authenticity' drama vs 'rules to remember when talking about or to Teal'.

I am very curious about Cameron's experience with Shaman and cord-cutting. I wonder if others have had similar 'clearings' and grounding done.

That's a very astute observation. She's always one-upping people. Whatever someone knows, she knows more. What's interesting about her claim of having been a Wiccan high priestess is that she seems to be referring to her experiences in this "Satanic coven" where she was venerated for all her magical abilities... and being ritually abused. One of the many problems with that claim is that is that it conflates Satanism and Wicca, which is incredibly offensive and completely misrepresents Wicca and Paganism.

There is a shaman named Jordan Lavigne who went on the record regarding his impressions of something demonic and power-stealing that seems to be operating through teal. I posted the whole melee in the comments on this page, with a breakdown of numerous screenshots. It got seriously ugly, but very revealing, I think.

It's also alarming that when someone cuts a cord to teal, she goes into some sort of energetic hemorrhage.

Oh wow, reminds me of the 'Ori' in Stargate Sg1 , who needed energy of followers to 'strengthen' them. Her disregard for her 'fans' is very obvious, given the discussions you pointed out about 'suicide'. She needs them as a means to an end. Its like she has finally found a way to overcome all the heartaches of not qualifying in the Olympics team for skiing, and all those 'careers' that didnt quite seem to take off.

I too found it weird when she mentioned being a 'high priestess'. On the one hand she is 'supposedly' a victim of abuse, and on another , an empowered witch? Totally contradictory.

I think its unfortunate for her 'spiritual career' that she lives in an age, unlike her predecessors in 'this line of work', where everyone has access to internet and can cross check all the claims made.

I did read that exchange between Jordan with Teal and tealers. She dos 'attract' a lot of vulnerable people, because she uses her 'childhood abuse' as the anchor for her teachings, and its like they are all connected through their 'shadows'. Yes the post was certainly revealing of the kind of treatment and reverence she has come to expect from anyone posting in her 'safe space'.

I thought 'energetic hemorrhage' was a joke, but seriously its scary that she claims to be 'aware' of having a cord cut. Also her justification of 'bottom up approach' explains her fascination with personalities she claims were also 'teachers' like Hitler. She has to spin a narrative to justify everything , and not just justify but glorify them.

"I think its unfortunate for her 'spiritual career' that she lives in an age, unlike her predecessors in 'this line of work', where everyone has access to internet and can cross check all the claims made."

You'd think more people would take the time to do that, wouldn't you. You know, Scientologists are forbidden from reading about the "church" online. But, tealers have a different way of handling it. They just go on the attack, call all her critics "haters," and refuse to deal with the substance. And, under no circumstances, can you post anything critical on Teal Tribe. They ban you for that. It seems to be similarly effective in quelling dissent.

Meanwhile, you can't take everything she says at face value without developing cognitive dissonance, because it's all riddled with internal contradiction.

The reason I brought it up in this thread is because of this idea of 'suicide' or 'passive suicide', which is self-destruction , not always conscious. In Anita's case she said that prolonged fear, putting herself down, holding on to guilt contributed in her developing cancer, although not the only cause. In a way it makes sense because thats like holding the body in chronic stress patterns, and the body physiology develops equilibrium with the stress state and undergoes adaptations and changes until finally getting too out of hand and developing cancer. I realise its a very sensitive topic and there are plenty of reasons for it. But the subtleties of self-destructive behaviours, the entire spectrum of them, contributing to ill-health in this context is so difficult to distinguish.

I am probably beating around the bush, because there is just no easy way to deal with the concept of suicide. Teal clearly has less regard for the negative spiral that leads to such a drastic step probably because of dissociation and desensitisation from that state she once 'inhabited' and is now her 'victory' leading to becoming a spiritual teacher.

Its definitely dangerous for those who are treading this path in Teal's footsteps. On the one hand I see Anita's powerful experience, and ofcourse she would never promote 'suicide' , the title is based on her not living 'fully'. On the other hand in the 'shadow work' talking about the extreme is making people consider it more 'narrowly'.

Bah I know this is not making much sense, I guess I am just trying to understand what would be the responsible thing to do when people from such a wide spectrum of world views enter a discussion about suicide, and idolise someone who has spent a great deal romanticising it. Tricky business. Especially the 'bottom up' approach involving engaging/immersing people's minds in the worst of their negativity, some can come out, some cant.

I think what it comes down to is that these are things that don't lend themselves to simplistic answers. If you're wrestling with depression and can barely get out of bed and face the day, hearing someone who claims to have a really high vantage point and unique understanding of the universe tell you that an "uncommitted life" isn't worth living, that's a dangerous prospect. What does it even mean? What does a "committed life" look like? But, if I'm so depressed that I can't commit to tying my own shoes some days, it's pretty hard to hear that as anything but a condemnation.

And, when that person tells me that it's horribly wrong that suicide for people who just don't want to be here is illegal, and that death really feels great because it's the opposite of all my misery, what am I going to do? And the options other than suicide she offers are Spirituality 101, in other words, positive thinking, which always works great for depressed people. Not. Or 2.0, dive into the pain, drudge up all your most painful memories and feelings. The whole thing just looks like a recipe for disaster to me.

I agree with you. I just thought its along the lines of what ego-death is understood to be in various cultures. For example in 'Born again christians', or in Eastern cultures, some practice a 'conscious death' process so as to live more fully without fear of death and uncertainty. Basically so as to bring all the attention into the present moment. So as to release the burden of 'protecting' oneself in every moment from potential death which sometimes becomes an 'addictive thought process' which is inhibitory to self.http://www.near-death.com/religion/buddhism/afterlife-beliefs.html

If Teal is promoting some diluted, half-baked version of this idea, then its certainly irresponsible. She has admitted her own advice doesnt work for her in one of her 'lower states'. So 'authenticity' becomes an alibi or an excuse. because saying it doesnt work for her when she is having a panic attack, but promoting her 'teachings' as solutions, is a contradiction which she bridges with this concept of being 'authentic'. Mental health issues are way to complicated and require individual case-by-case evaluation and healing. To generalise and promote these ideas of suicide(supposedly to encourage them not to) to someone who is low and needs help, is definitely irresponsible.

A short explanation is all that's required to expose Teal Swan. It must be self evident to any advanced spiritual seeker that life is a gift whose value exceeds our comprehension. It's so valuable that nothing we do can earn it. If can only be bestowed by the divine. If she doesn't get such a fundamental thing, a knowledge given to all those who have any business teaching others, it must follow that she's a quack. A fake. From that, you have a foundation upon which to build your case. No vedic scripture needed.

"Do you not know, Asclepius, that Egypt is an image of heaven, or, to speak more exactly, in Egypt all the operations of the powers which rule and work in heaven have been transferred to earth below? Nay, it should rather be said that the whole Kosmos dwells in this our land as in its sanctuary." - from the Hermetica