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Thursday, December 15, 2011

I can't remember a regular season game, in any sport, in which the outcome, one way or the other, will so dramatically change the perception of one of the players involved. Naturally, I'm talkin' about Tebus Christ and the Mile High Showdown. He leads his Broncos to a convincing win over the Patriots, and even the staunchest critics will start to come around. And if he bests Tom Brady in a 4th quarter comeback fest? Well, then Elway might as well start building the shrine to his polarizing prophet passer right there in the parking lot before he calls it a night. You know, as long as there isn't anything in the Bible that says that isn't chill...

And even if there is, I'm sure Timmy could talk to the big man upstairs and get it all ironed out...

Let's get to it...NFL Week 15 Picks

Tebow wins games, but defenses...also win games. Wait...

Denver Broncos (+7.5) vs New England Patriots

Picking Tebow and the points has been a great strategy, and I'm not gonna change it just because this week he's playing my mans 'n them. I like the Patriots to win, but with Tebus Christ and friends being spotted nearly a whole touchdown, that's just too many points for me to ignore. And yes, I know it's the Denver defense, and not the scripture lovin' southpaw, that makes this team tick, but he's the one that should be able to bring them back in the 4th quarter. Ya know, to at least within a touchdown...

AS for the Tebow-haters that are still out there in abundance, you've gotta get over yourselves. And I'm not even gonna come at you with the "he's just a winner" stuff. How about instead, he's just a great guy to have on your team? Listen, I've never been a believer in that Positive Attitudes Change Everything, bullshit, and I'm still not. Matter of fact, the one coach I ever had say that to me was the biggest fraud ever in terms of positive motivation, which is probably why I feel the way I do. But that's an entirely different story. NO, I don't believe in any of that motivational crap, but I also know it can't hurt to have a good attitude. It won't make you win or lose, that's what talent does, but it will help you keep on an even keel. And that's what Tebow does for that offense. Just listen to the audio of him mic'd up for last week's Bears game, and you'll hear what I mean. Demaryius Thomas drops a sure touchdown? Tim tells him that just means the place is gonna go even more crazy when he catches the game winner. Ya know, as opposed to Tom Brady cursing out Tiquan Underwood? Not saying one way is right, and one way is wrong. Just saying there's more than one way to skin a cat, and Tebow's skinnin' 'em like it's nobody's business, and in a way that hasn't been seen in the NFL since half the league had names like Y.A and Crazy Legs...

So yeah, I like the Pats to win, but I'm taking the Broncos with the points. And just be forewarned, if Tebow pulls of a 4th quarter comeback against Tom Brady, Bill Belichick and the Patriots, Tebow-mania will rise to unprecedented levels. I know that's tough to imagine, but trust me, it's gonna be huge. Somewhere between the Mcarena and Tickle Me Elmo. Ooooh. How about a Tickle Me Tebow doll? You tickle him, and he spouts a Bible verse...and then throws a wobbly pass. And just in time for Christmas!!

New Orleans Saints (-6.5) @ Minnesota Vikings

Adrian Peterson may be back, but that's not stoppin' me. The Saints can still grab a 1st round bye if they keep winning, and that should serve as enough motivation for Brees and friends to keep their foot on the gas, and roll out of Minnesota with a decent sized win...

A loss this week could ultimately end the tenure
of one of these high profile fat bastards...

New York Jets (+3) @ Philadelphia Eagles

Just like with "Tebow and the points", taking the Jets in recent weeks has been a strategy that's been resulting in a lot of success. The Eagles may be healthier, and coming of a nice win against Miami, but the Jets have also hit their stride, and have the added benefit of having something to play for. Not to mention, that both the Jets and Giants control their own destiny (having to win out), and they both still have to play each other. You tellin' me that match up isn't going to go down? Exactly. Even more reason to take the Jets and the shady 3...

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (+7) vs Dallas Cowboys

Raheem Morris might be coaching for his job, but coaches don't actually get to play. That being said, I'm not spotting the Cowboys 7 points on the road to anyone after the late game shenanigans they've pulled the last 2 weeks. I mean, this could easily turn into a blowout, if the Bucs mail it in, but I'm more apt to believe they make it a game, and allow Dallas to blow it for themselves before all is said and done. I'm looking in your direction, Jason Garrett. You wrong kicker freezing ginger...

Houston Texans (-6.5) vs Carolina Panthers

I don't care who Houston's QB is. They've got one of the league's best rushing attacks, and they're at home, going up against the league's worst rush defense. And there shouldn't be reason to worry about the "let down" factor after clinching a playoff spot last week with a win. If any team is gonna need home field, it'll be this one. So they'll be playing for that, and I expect they'll be playing pretty damn hard...

San Diego Chargers (+2.5) vs Baltimore Ravens

The question here is, can the Chargers finally win an important prime time game OR will Philly and Norv once again spit the bit and leave a National TV audience scratching their heads? Still not sure why, but I'm going with the former. Especially if New England wins earlier in the day, San Diego is not out of the playoff chase, and can likely win the division if they win out. The Ravens are in a division title fight themselves, but between traveling West and all their injuries, I'm more inclined to take the 6-7 Bolts than I am possibly the most enigmatic and downright shady 10-3 team in recent memory. 10-3, with losses to Tennessee, Jacksonville and Seattle. They're just a weird bunch, which is probably why I'm having trouble trusting them...

Highlights from the rest of the slate include a closer than expected game in the Nation's capital, and yet another Green Bay beat down as they take another step toward immortality...

Washington Redskins (+7.5) vs New York Gaints

Miami Dolphins (pick)@ Buffalo Bills

Seattle Seahawks (+3.5) @ Chicago Bears

Tennessee Titans (-6.5) @ Indianapolis Colts

Green Bay Packers (-13.5) @ Kansas City Chiefs

Cincinnati Bengals (-6) vs St. Louis Rams

Oakland (+3) vs Detroit Lions + OVER 47

Arizona Cardinals (-6.5) vs Cleveland Browns

Monday Night

San Francisco 49ers (-3) vs Pittsburgh Steelers + UNDER 39.5

With Big Ben limpin' around, it's hard not to jump on the Niners in their own joint on MNF. That's my logic. And ya know what? With the skinny 3 point spread, I'd probably just end up siding with the home team in this one, anyway. I wouldn't except a ton of points, either. Hence the under...

Last Week: 12-5-1

Overall: 131-93-6 (.585)

Just a few more things before I go...

First off, glad to see the Red Sox are finally starting to make some moves. They'll be tough to judge until we can see the big picture, but there are some brief thoughts on their latest acquisitions.

Nick Punto: Great clubhouse guy, great utility player, truly a pro's pro. A little confused in that he's essentially the same player as Mike Aviles, whom the Sox already have on their roster, but you can never go wrong getting a guy like Punto. Asking him to play everyday in the AL East might be a bit of a stretch, but he's still a good guy to have...

Mark Melancon: Much like Punto, if Melancon is a "piece" I'm a big fan, but if he's the "answer", then not so much. He's a good closer, I'm just not sure if he's closer material for an AL East team with World Series aspirations. Then again, with Daniel Bard having moved to the rotation, and the franchise unwilling to spend big money on a closer (a strategy I happen to like), this might be as good as it gets. IF that's the case, then so be it, but I'd like to see them at least add a guy like Andrew Bailey, to give Melancon some competition and to give the Sox a stronger bullpen and an insurance policy at closer. Competition seems to abe good in situations like that, and I think it would serve the Sox well if they went to camp with Melancon "penciled in", but with a few veterans breathing down his neck...

That's the problem with the Sox off season, right now. It's woefully incomplete. If these are the only moves they make, then I might take issue, but right now, I like how they're trying to fix what they thought was really wrong with their club. The bullpen, and the clubhouse. And I think, in those terms, these are both moves in the right direction. They just better not be the only moves...

I think Jimmy now knows that Nucky's no longer half a gangster...

And finally, Boardwalk freaking Empire. I'm not even gonna waste my time telling you to watch it, that's your business. What I will tell you, is that the season 2 finale was easily one of the best TV shows I've ever seen in my life. So, yeah. Watch it, don't. That's your business. But if you're still not on board, then to be completely honest, I think less of you. There, I said it...

Oh, and Richard Harrow FTW! How Jack Huston didn't get a Golden Globe nod is beyond me. Then again, those award shows are garbage, so I can't say I'm all that surprised...

There you have it, friends. Good luck to you all, and have a great weekend. Oh, and make sure you wear baggy pants when your watching the games. Ya know, to hide your Teboner...