With government cheese, everything is a wedge issue

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“Our estimates are that Hollywood would only need 75 percent of the foreskins collected from the 600,000 legal abortions we induce every year,” said Planned Parenthood President Leana Wen. “There’s clearly no legitimate need to import Korean foreskins.”

When the panicked mob of infantile zombies in swaddling towels storms out Kafka’s castle to put you on trial with the hysterical axiom that you’re guilty precisely because you deny your guilt, the moral thing to do is watch them drown while confirming Supreme Court justices.

California’s favorite cis-gendered son was banned from “the playground” at San Francisco’s famous fetish festival this weekend, but his steely-dan gaze and fabulous hair made a magnificent impression on voters at the suspension booth.

The pardon for Roseanne was floated after ABC rehired her for calling Dinesh D’Souza a “monkey’s uncle” and then fired her again when she said Martha Stewart was a “feckless cunt” who should be in prison.