Accentuate the positive to improve child's behavior

Last week's column presented the discipline strategy of Natural Consequences. This week we will focus on the most basic strategy for improving behavior: positive reinforcement.

From wire services

Last week's column presented the discipline strategy of Natural Consequences. This week we will focus on the most basic strategy for improving behavior: positive reinforcement.

You simply catch your children being good. Reinforce that behavior immediately with praise and attention, a simple "thank you," an extra privilege or a fancy sticker.

Young children and teens respond better to positive comments than to negative ones.

Example 1: Your daughter has been quite lax about completing her chores on time, which has caused a few arguments. One afternoon you notice that she finished one of her chores early, and you comment: "Thanks for unloading the dishwasher so early. It's nice to have that done before dinner." You make a similar comment each time she completes a chore on time. In a few days, all of her chores are completed on time.

More examples: "Thank you for cleaning up your room. It looks great!" and "You used good judgment last night when you took your friend's keys away from him after he had been drinking." It is a simple and effective strategy.

Thanks for the parents who shared a kid tip with us this week.

When my 3-year-old son is having difficulty with his behavior, we make a list of all the good things he has done during the day. When Daddy comes home, we read the list to him with great fanfare. We find that this focus on the positive is a great motivator!

— R.S.,

Hill Air Force Base, Utah

Like many people at Christmastime, I send out an annual letter to family and friends that mentions some of the highlights of our year, especially the main activities and successes of my young daughter, Marisol. I have created a binder in which I will save all of these letters, and I'll give it to my daughter when she grows up. The letters will serve as a concise chronicle of her childhood and adolescence, highlighting the positive.

— Laurel Cress,

San Mateo, Calif.

My wife and I usually wait up for our teenagers when they go out in the evening with friends or on a date. We believe that they are less inclined to get into trouble if they have to face their parents when they get home. So far, we think it's working.

— B.W., Tacoma, Wash.

If your baby struggles to hold a slippery bottle while drinking, add a few strips of heavy tape, like grip tape (found in hardware stores and sporting equipment stores).

— P.L., Gastonia, N.C.

Help your child decorate a shoe box, then cut a long slit along the top of the box. Whenever you come in with the mail, place all the junk mail inside your child's "mailbox." Kids love to open mail — especially letters, this time of year, that contain free stickers. They can also practice writing by filling out the many forms they find. Occasionally, write your child a loving note (complete with envelope) and place it inside the box.