Saturday, 9 August 2014

Judgey Mc Judgey Pants

Oh dear. I have a confession. I am not perfect. There I said it! I AM NOT PERFECT! I have never been perfect. Nope, alas I have indeed made mistakes. I have got a bit tipsy and rowed with a friend in the street, I have gone out with some rather questionable men, I have driven twice into stationary objects. So when I became a Mum, even though I try as hard as I possibly can every day to be perfect (and I really, really do)? It was pretty obvious that I wasn't going to be.

Last week I listed My Dirty Mummy Secrets secrets. A jokey look on my everyday life. If read properly you will see at the top 5% of the time I am a bit crap. And sometimes during this 5% of the time I do a range of stupid things to help me get through the day relatively unscathed. So yep if I'm thin on time I use baby wipe to clean my bits and dry shampoo to clean my hair, or if I'm in a rush I have hairy legs and will shove secret supplies of chocolate down my gob for my tea.

And sometimes? During this 5% of the time I am being crap I don't change my boys nappy if he has pooed for ONE WHOLE HOUR! (expects a onslaught of abuse on social media, people around the country screaming in outrage, traffic to stop, Mothers to weep, thunder to clap and so on). So sometimes, in the 5% of a year of me being crap, let's say 2% of the time my husband is at work. So like 4 days a year. My baby has to sit in his poo. For a teeny tiny bit.

Now, do we all think I have hairy legs, greasy hair, a poor diet and me not changing one nappy four hours a year because I am living the life of riley? As I need this extra time saved to drink champagne and dance around to Abba with my friends? Or go and shop for Marc Jacobs bags? Or watch copious amounts of television. No sometimes? I am just plain and simply exhausted. Motherhood is exhausting. And that makes me feel bad. It really does. I would like to say "hell yeah I find it easy to be up at 5.30am and then spend the whole day with two toddlers by myself for 12 hours". That I always manage to cook wonderful meals and I am just the most perfect, hairless legs, clean haired, perfect mother in the world ever. But I'm not.

And you know what makes it worse? Is that the Judgey Mc Judgey Pants of this world that seem to think it is OK to make me feel worse. Make us feel worse. You know the one that turns their nose up when they see you breast feeding in public or bottle feeding in baby groups. Or using a dummy to placate your child or not using a dummy and scowling at your child weeping. Or reading a Mum just trying to do her best and making other Mothers laugh and then trolling them and saying they are cruel and heartless and disgusting for not changing their babies bum, for four hours a year. Yeah them. Tw*ts.

And what makes it worse I find is that it is always women. It's always other mothers that are there first, on the frontline, willing to bring other Mothers down. And I just don't get it? I just don't understand. We all know this is hard work, we all love our kids and we all do what we can to make our children happy. But I refuse to believe that we can be perfect all the time. I have to believe that or else I would feel such a failure and so very, very bad that I'm not sure I could cope.

So let's make a deal yes? Let's all come to this little agreement. My blog is honest. Yes, I may post the odd nice picture on instagram of jam jar glasses full to the brim of Pimms, but also you will see weeping children. I will review gorgeous items for my kids and take them out on lots of nice day trips but in return I will also try and make you laugh and giggle about the hard times of being a Mum. I don't want no Judgey Mc Judgey Pants here please. Nope. No way.

And from now on, when I wake up on a Saturday morning to find that some utter arse has trolled my blog with horrific comments about me abusing my child, I shall not weep, I shall calmly delete, go downstairs with my greasy hair, look around at my lovely, happy home (whilst avoiding looking down at my hairy legs) with my fab hub and cray cray toddlers and think......"F*ck Em".

55 comments

F*ck em indeed. I just caught up on your previous post and the crap (pardon the pun) surrounding it. And it made me feel sad that some women feel the need to criticise and put others down. I think it can be justified if a child is in danger but to criticise someone for a jokey but honest blog post like yours? That's just sad. The only thing I can think of is that they are really insecure about their lives and making other women feel shit about something elevates them a bit.

I have more to say! Your original post was brilliant and as I read it, I was thinking "me too!" And yes even the pooey nappy one. There was definitely the odd occasion that I left it unchanged for a little while due to being busy or running out of wipes while out or tiredness. That's not neglect, that's just normal motherhood. You seem like an awesome mum so just keep doing what you're doing xx

I highly doubt that every single one of these trolls change their child's nappy as soon as they've pooped, or get time to shower daily and I defiantly do not get time to shave my legs! They clearly just do not have a sense of humour because I personally found the post funny and I'm sure every other mum (minus nasty trolls) could relate to at least one of your points.

Very well said! Your original post is v v funny but also close enough to reality that most mums can recognise bits of it. Nobody is 100 perfect and so nobody has the right to judge like that. It's such a shame you've had to write this, but you've got the right attitude. Don't let them get to you and please please don't let them stop you writing! xx

So where were the trolls kids when they were writing such bile? Are THEY setting an example to their perfect children that it's ok to spew such venom at another person? No. Because their nose is stuck far to high up in the air to see what's going on under it. I hate judgemental parents. As parents someday we will unite honestly try almost ANYTHING to make it to bedtime. But you know what? I'd prefer greasy hair and wipe cleaned bits if it means my kids are happy. Trolls - go back under your bridge. And bloody well stay there x

Yay. Great post. Loved the original very funny. As a mummy I love that you are honest and open and not the pinterest perfect mum :-) Makes the rest of us feel relieved to hear we are not abnormal. Also your kids look perfectly healthy, happy and normal to me. Xxxxx

Too right! I can't believe that people have sad enough lives to write this stuff on others' blogs. Nobody is perfect and the great thing about blogs is reading honest posts and knowing that we're all normal. Plus of course your posts are written with humour. They're meant to be funny and anyone who doesn't get that is obviously a very sad individual.

to clean my bits and dry shampoo to clean my hair, or if I'm in a rush I have hairy legs and will shove secret supplies of chocolate down my gob for my tea.wells thats not being a mother, thats just being a woman haha last night I fed my partner and mother leftovers instead of cooking, oh the horror, haha, great post

People are dicks. I always leave mean comments on because it makes them look bad, not me :) Hope you are OK sweetness. I plan on writing a blog post in solidarity, just not had chance yet, but I will because you are ace. And people are dicks. xxx

Damn right, feck 'em! *hoists hefty bosom in a huff!* Some people seem to have had a sense of humour bypass!

Anyone with half a brain could read your post and see that you don't mean you do it all of the time. I'd love to be a fly on the wall in their so called perfect lives cos I'm sure they're anything but!

Jeez bab, I've just caught up on all this. You don't deserve it. No one does. From everything I've seen across all the platforms you are a great mum. A. Great. Mum. Your kids look insanely happy and healthy. Fuck them all!

Too right fuck em ;) anyone who has enough time to go trolling blogs is not a person who's opinion bloody matters! Now fuck off and drink some champagne, haven't u got some ABBA to dance to...?! Lol xxx

I'm pissed of that these awful people have got to you, and I want to say dont let em get to you...BUT I would be exactly the same crying to the hubs as he would be telling me to ignore them! Sooooo number 1) well done for being an amazing and honest mum 2) dont change we love you and 3) we love you (oh I said that already!) 4) your kids love you...5) who wants to perfect anyways! and lastly number 6) WELL their isnt a number 6 but i believe that number 4 is more than enough...1, 2, 3 and 5 are just lucky extras!! :) XX

It sounds like you are absolutely awesome and a perfectly normal Mum. Who are these people who like to think they are perfect parents all the time? Bollocks to that. We're all making it up as we go and doing our best.

In all honesty there are some truly terrible parents out there and anyone would respond with horror and outrage at the terrible things that people can do but the examples you provide do not fall into this category and it is a great pity that anyone might think that they would. I think that it is a great relief to me personally to see that other people struggle too. Don't let the bar stewards grind you down!!

Don't let them win. They look miserable - my adorable, messy, luckily out of nappies (but when they were in them we argued about who's turn it was to change it) children are happy (well, sometimes) and healthy and when I shout it's not a bad parent but stress as I have heard Frozen on the piano for 100th time whilst working(yes, I work when my kids are at home too,shock horror). Oh, and my legs look like a yeti at times and my roots, well let's not go there!

I can't believe someone trolled your last post! Who does that? Morons. Noone is perfect it's not humanly possible and it would be so much better if everyone could admit that and stop judging each other for trying to do their best. ooh makes me angry. Good for you hon for putting it behind you, stupid twats! Great post! xx #sharewithme

Does it count as good parenting if the hubby and I argue for at least half an hour about who should change Z's nappy? I thought so ;) I love how people just sit behind their keyboards and judge others their parenting on one sentence from a blog post. As if that shows them everything that is going on behind closed doors. I think you're fab if that counts :)

Good for you hunny defnitely f them! I can't believe some women, they should understand and at least have a SENSE OF HUMOR people come on. I loved that post and this one. I think you are amazing. No one is perfect and its the judgy ones that probably have the most to hide or just so insecure they have to take others down too. Just delete indeed move on and actually feel sorry for them for taking the time to be a bully! Poor sad people. Keep being you because you is GREAT!!! Thanks for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme

It never ceases to amaze me that woman can be so nasty to each other rather than understanding and admitting we all do things like this. I'd much rather read an honest account of life that I can relate to. Ignore them!! #sharewithme

Some people can only feel better by putting others down. That's their problem, NOT yours. What has happened to you is awful and it is so sad that it was perpetrated by other women, by other mums. I guess they are perfect!? Chin up hun, your blog is fab, your kids are beautiful and your family is happy. That is all that matters, Simples :) xxx

Pah, sod them all. I think motherhood brings out the best or worst in people depending on who they are. To be honest, I'm quite a quietly judgmental person, on the whole, but having had a relatively easy child, it's still hard being a mum and doing everything smoothly on top while likely flapping underneath the surface. a) there's no way I'd come out and actually judge someone for doing something their way and b) especially the pious looking down on everyone else's choices.

But for this, it was insane. My son would quite happily have sat for hours in his poo if I'd not spent my time sniffing his bottom to check as he used to give no sign he was pooing. If you're a busy mum, how do you know that the child even has a dirty nappy.

Leave them to it. It's hard to brush comments off, but most of them judging probably aren't perfect themselves and just jealous that you can be so relaxed about things...and have happy kids.