Anna Kournikova

Normally this is the part of the day when I post a recap of the sexiest social media pics of the week, but I'm not doing that today. Because Anna Kournikova wins. My god does she win. I don't want to embarrass anyone else. If she played tennis as well as she wore a bikini, she never would have lost.

Start the pregnancy rumors because Anna Kournikova was trying to hide her stomach from the paparazzi earlier this week while out on a boat with boyfriend Enrique Iglesias. Or maybe she got drunk and got a really crazy tattoo. Like a swastika or something. Boooo, Anna! Your racism isn't welcome here!

Haven't heard much from Anna Kournikova and Enrique Iglesias lately. They were allegedly getting married last month, but that never happened. All they seem to ever do is relax all day on their kickass boat. They contribute absolutely nothing to society. In other words, yeah, I'm totally jealous. Fuck them.

[Enrique Iglesias] has finally committed and set a date for their wedding. They are set to get hitched next week in their home city, Miami. A source said:

"Anna's been gagging to get married for years but Enrique's resisted, openly talking about how he doesn't want to settle. They're finally going to do it next week and have invited stars including Nicole Scherzinger, Lewis Hamilton, Jennifer Lopez, Eva Longoria, and David and Victoria Beckham."

Anna's been wearing a $4.8 million diamond engagement ring for years and was said to have got secretly hitched to Enrique in 2011 after he introduced her as his wife to fans.

But the source insisted: "They wouldn't have done it in secret as they want it to be lavish. This is going to be a huge wedding in front of their celeb pals. They are going all out - it's going to be a massive ceremony with an over-the-top reception."

Ok, so where's my invite? I'm only asking because since Anna retired a decade ago, I've kept her name relevant via the most ripped-off website ever, Celebslam. I've even been kind enough to not attack her piss-ant, completely milk-toast boyfriend, Ricky Iglesias. Enrique makes Justin Bieber look like Rob Zombie. I'm not even asking to go to the church part, I just want to stop by the reception (don't worry, I sometimes have my drinking almost completely under control). I've always wanted to see what a B-list party looks like, since I run with a much more important crew. My guess is it looks the same as any A-list wedding, the difference being the quality of the cocaine.

+ That officer is totally checking out Lindsay's ass [Dlisted]
+ Christina Hendricks gives us her "I was ugly as a kid" story [The Blemish]
+ Kevin Bacon's new house is pretty badass [CityRag]
+ She is rather top heavy [Double Viking]

Anna Kournikova will not be back as a trainer next year on The Biggest Loser. In other news, Anna Kournikova is one of the trainers on The Biggest Loser. I had no idea. How does she find the time? Isn't she way too busy not winning anything at all ever? From The Hollywood Reporter:

Kournikova was hired by NBC to host and act as trainer on season 12 of the reality weight loss series, following Jillian Michael's exit. It seemed like a great idea at the time: she's attractive, camera friendly and a major athlete. But staffers say they clashed with her, and some of the contestants found her a bit brash. Whereas Michaels was soothing, encouraging and even uplifting, Kournikova did not sympathize with her overweight contestants, often telling them about her own tough upbringing when they complained about training being hard.

A source on the show actually called Kournikova "a nightmare." She would definitely not have been mistaken for a life coach.

Shocking news you won't see anywhere else: Hot Russian chick is an asshole. Come on, NBC. We've all been to strip clubs, so we've all had to deal with that shitty "I know I'm hotter than anyone you've ever been with" attitude. Did you guys really think that Anna Kournikova would be a nurturing soul? That's just a bad job of scouting if you ask me. Now if the empty suits who run NBC insist on working with Anna, I recommend that they wait 10 years. By 2021 AK's looks will be gone (along with her money and green card), so she'll be as nice as every other over-the-hill ex-stripper that still needs to feed a habit.

Anna Kournikova at the Raymond James Pro-Celebrity Tennis Classic Pro-Am at the Delray Beach Tennis Center in Florida (11/7)

Anna Kournikova partnered up with Gavin Rossdale at the Raymond James Classic Pro-Am on Sunday and, I'm not exactly sure about this, but it appears that she has an itch. Perhaps I should stare at this picture longer to confirm? Yes, that is what I will do.