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a human "work in progress"

highlighted ‘bloopers’

So far. I have this list of bloopers that still embarrass me even in my subconscious. Eurgh! It gives me the creeps every time but I have to learn to let these go so I’m sharing them with you.

When I was in pre-school, probably my first or second year in school and I was a 4 or 5 year old. I wanted to “poo-poo” but I was embarrassed to tell my teacher so I said I was just gonna urinate when I was really doing a different business. Too bad, the comfort room ran out of water that time and it had to be located near my classroom. So you can just imagine the smell. PU! It really stank. I’m not sure if they ever realized it was me who used the comfort room because they were so busy doing an activity.

When I was in first grade, my father’s sister tagged me along to Country Mall with her family. She was the mean kind of aunt, by the way. And my bladder was bursting when we were in the home decor section. I just couldn’t hold in my urine any longer and I decided to piss in a lonely corner. My cousin caught me with the wet floor and I lied through my teeth that it was spilled water on the floor. I wasn’t sure what happened next because everything blacked out after that. And I’m not sure if they really bought my story. Hahaha. Well, it’s kinda funny to me but in an embarrassing way.

When I was in the fourth grade, I had a huge crush on this guy who was always wearing glasses even if there wasn’t anything wrong with his eyesight. He like my classmate and I always wanted to get his attention by teasing him. So I agreed to chase him through the school quadrangle during lunch time. It seemed really fun until I bumped onto the wall and fell to the ground with a loud sound. So, of course, the entire school saw me. Yeah, I don’t find it funny at all. And I’m afraid that a lot of people may still remember it.

In my first year during high school, we had this grand production of the “Helen of Troy” at SM Cinema One. We were all pressured into really doing our best. I guessed the school admin was vying for school popularity so the enrollees would increase by the next year. (Actually, it failed and caused the enrollees to decrease.) So I landed the role of Paris’ old mother who had this big scene when the Trojan women were carried away to be slaves. And I guess I went overboard with my acting. I cried and cried like a lunatic. I realized it was really scary. I seemed like I had a troubled youth. And I hope it has already been deleted from everybody’s memory card!!!

I graduated valedictorian in high school. Yes, it was very flattering. But it was even more embarrassing when I cried during my speech and I pronounced the word sweet as “swet.” Arggggghhhh. It was too embarrassing. All I can remember is that everybody went quiet. Or maybe I am still too paranoid about what happened and the people were just really quiet from the start. Or maybe they also went “extra” quiet. Unfortunately for this one, a lot of kids in the lower years who really idolized me still remember me as the crying valedictorian. I have already buried this event deep inside my subconscious when my sister said she had a classmate who asked her if her elder sister was the crying valedictorian from her old school. What a nightmare! I try to really laugh it off but if my skin coloring can cause me to turn red, my face would look like a ripe tomato.

For the entrance interview to the university I attended in college, I wrote on the blank space for skills and talents — acting and playing the piano even if I’m not a great concert pianist. And the interviewer made me do a portrayal of what I did on stage plays. I was awful. It was really bad but I was not sure if it helped me get in.

During my second year, one of my classmates had a debut party and I was lucky to be included in the 18 dance presentors. I was wearing a very loose white tube and it fell off together with the bra while I was dancing. I had a nipple slip and I wasn’t sure if everybody saw it because they didn’t seem to mind. Lucky for me, I had a partner who helped shield my topless look. Wardrobe malfunction. Eeeee. It’s why I understand how Anne Curtis felt and why I’m scared of wearing plunging tops.

Defibrillating a client who went into cardiogenic shock is a very serious situation and I made matters worst by losing my presence of mind. The client had a Bag Valve Mask. You have to keep pumping it to ensure the client is able to breathe but when you perform a defibrillation, everybody has to stay clear. And I didn’t know what to do about the pump that I kept holding onto it and the procedure was delayed. It was really embarrassing because I was so incompetent. Everybody said I was really dumb. And the patient died in the end. But I know it wasn’t because of me. Hmpf!

Well, I’ve had a lot more minor ‘bloopers’ but I’m glad I was able to vent these memories that have always haunted me here. It made me feel a little better by unburdening myself with all these. Looking back, I seemed like a really crazy kid with a lot of mental dysfunctions. I’m not sure if I grew up okay. As I’ve said, I continue to be a human “work in progress.”