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Enough is enough already. You have reliably tested negative for hiv and this rash is nothing to do with hiv. Stop looking at everything through the lens of hiv. You don't have hiv.

I'm giving you that time out I warned you about. You will not be able to log in or post for four weeks, starting now. Do not create a new account to get around your time out, or you WILL be permanently banned.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

After one hundred posts, I don't understand. You have more wrong than HIV and we just can't help you with it. You are negative. There is no more to discuss here. If you and your wife have a rash see a dermatologist. You won't get it cured here. We aren't that good, close but not quite.

To, all Experts who took the patience to reply to my postings, (and anyone else who has read my threads)

I have taken several positive steps since my time out, (which was definitely needed)

1. Admitted to my Mother and Father the whole incident, (I know they too have asked some questions of you)2. Started to see a councillor, (diagnosed OCD, which I think I may have had for years)3. Started and finished a six week course of anti-anxiety therapy, (unfortunately did include medication which had some side affects)4. Admitted the whole incident to my wife, (we are working through this together and are planning to have a child ASAP)

I will not deny I tried everything to get my parents to pay for a private clinic to give me further testing, but they refused. My wife has all but forgiven me but we are going to the local GUM clinic tomorrow to clarify some questions she has.

We are both also taking one FINAL HIV test and collecting the results together. I know it will be NEGATIVE, but its kind of the only way to close this off now she knows and my therapist sees no wrong in what we are doing - I suspect the experts will think I am still mentally unstable?

I will post the NEGATIVE results that both myself and my wife will receive tomorrow, but STRESS we are not doing this out of my fear that I am HIV+. I now know and understand that SCIENTIFCALLY this is not possible.

To all the other worried wells, best advice I can give you after what I would nearly class as a mental breakdown, is only one person has the power to move on after such an incident - THATS YOU ! Its not easy to let go, but most things in life are never straight forward. All the medication and councilling in the world will not change that....

And before anyone asks YES I do still have some of the symptoms associated with ARS illness, but now understand they will resolve over time and its due to putting untold stress and anxiety on my body for over four months, or as my Dr. tells me 1/3 of a year - its quote a long time...

Good Luck to all, Simon, (no need to use five as a name to hide behind anymore)

As long as you and your wife are having these tests done under the supervision of your therapist, I see no harm - as long as this allows you to finally put this all behind you.

The only thing that worries me about your post is the fact that you have decided to have a baby ASAP, as you put it. Having a baby is not the way to cure problems in your marriage. Having a newborn around the house is very stressful as is pregnancy itself - much of it good stress, but stress nonetheless. It would seem wiser to make sure your emotional issues are well in hand before you go adding more stress into the mix. I hope you discuss this with your therapist.

I don't expect to be seeing you around here again, except MAYBE to report your test results - but we already know they will both be negative.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Therapist will not be attending the clinic with us, but we BOTH go there straight after we get results tomorrow afternoon, know what you are saying about the baby scenario, but this has only been put on hold due to this incident - should not have used the terminology ASAP, our plans are to try in the New Year = New start and all that jazz.

Of-course there are times when I think about HIV and the night in question, but I can accept now they are irrational thoughts, just like when we all from time to time dream of winning the lottery.

Probably the worst thing to come out of this is my relationship with my best friend, its pretty much over due to the lies he span me through the time I waited to test NEGATIVE.

Oh should have mentioned I have been back at work for just over two weeks now and my relationship with my parents has never been better.

Thanks for the have a nice life comment.....YOU TO !!

best regards, Simon.

P.S. Results tomorrow will close this thread, (again on the advice from my therapist - I have to then print it out, read it once and we will shred it together - hope you do not mind - seems extreme, but she is a bit eccentric)

Therapist will not be attending the clinic with us, but we BOTH go there straight after we get results tomorrow afternoon

Simon,

That's exactly what I meant by supervision, not that the therapist would attend the clinic with you.

I think your therapist's idea of shredding this thread is an excellent one. It can be amazing how much a simple - but symbolic - physical act like that can help bring closure to a situation. See if you can't take the shredded paper out into the car park and burn it as well. As the advert says, "every little helps!"

I'll be glad when this thread is closed - I just might print, shred and burn too!

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

I want to give one last update in the hope it will help some others....

Its time for me to FINALLY move on, (and not before time) today I collected a NEGATIVE 4 month HIV test, (HIV1/HIV2/P24 4th Generation) unfortunately my wife chickened out at the last minute for her test, do I care = NO, did the nurse at the clinic care = NO!

Was I expecting the result to be anything other than NEGATIVE = NO, (well if I am being 100% truthful that pesky demon on my left shoulder was still hanging around but I kicked him into touch - please no-one think I am seeing things).

We also attended my final councilling session together, (hopefully anyway) this afternoon and took great pleasure in reading this thread together, laughing at my irrationality, realising that their are people out there who want to help others and also accepting in unison, that I am indeed HIV NEGATIVE!

We then printed out this mini novel, shredded it and placed it in the bin, my therapist says this is the well I was in and I am not going back there, if all this sounds crazy to anyone reading this, trust me I have thought the same and YES my therapist is one of those who makes you listen to whales mating and burns incense - but HEY IT WORKED - so who am I to criticise?

I have no more tablets to take and do not intend on seeking out a repeat perscription, my therapist says she has much more pressing cases than mine to deal with and I now realise my life needs to get back on track.

To all the other WW's I urge you all to take hold of this YOURSELF, only now do I realise how it must utterly P*SS the volunteers on this site off, who are HIV+ listening to us all moan about not believing we are HIV-, (something my wife pointed out to me the other day - it is SELFISH)

FINALLY at the risk of continually repeating myself I just want to say that I have been humbled by the work the people do on this site, (ESPECIALLY ANN) long may you continue to educate the ignorant and just plain stupid, (I refer to myself with this last statement)

Hopefully, you won't be back to read this post but just in case you do...

...I have a suggestion. Before you start on that baby, I think you owe your wife a holiday - even if it's just a romantic weekend in a swank hotel. You weren't really there with her in Malta - you were here on this forum. She deserves some quality time (and waiting on hand and foot wouldn't go amiss) with you after all this.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

You are right, money is a bit tight at the moment, but rest assured in the coming months it will be top of my priority list !

Just so you are aware other reason I had the four month test was to ease my fears regarding the rash I had - the test being four weeks after the rash appeared - this was the final nail in the coffin so to speak and rightly or wrongly was something I just had to do.

I hope you do not mind me posting this information, (at the very minimum at least its in my thread ) but feel it may help a lot of others in the UK. In my almost hallucinogenic anxious days I sent an e-mail and left several voice-mails for the testing laboratory that the NHS use in the North West of England.

Well today, (three weeks later) they called me back...

Anyway what I was told was something very new to me, maybe you guys are not aware of this either?

The technician told me that since 2001 it has been NHS preferred standard that ALL serum is tested using THREE different assays and a RAPID TEST KIT, this certainly applies to all North West GUM clinics and London based clinics, for the rest he could not be certain, but would be surprised if they are any different.

As well as the Window Period to consider, he said this is the main reason they will only test you once at three months, i.e. the cost would be to high otherwise.

They make sure they use the Top x3 rated ASSAYS at any given time and regularly receive reviews from an independent research group, he also provided me this link as I discussed my rash with him, (only because he asked and was interested in my testing legacy) that gives a review of one of the ASSAYS they currently used, (the Abbott).

I discussed primary acute infection and recognising anti-bodies he said "trust me as long as there was a few days gap from on-set of symptoms if they where HIV related the Abbot would pick them up without any question and this test was reliable at detecting HIV AB pretty much at Day 0".

Other thing to be aware of is that "Private Clinics" do not have any of the above policies, they pay for one ASSAY to be used - end of...

Point is that when I told him my testing history he could not believe it, he said in theory my blood has probably been tested about x30 times. Each different test with THREE different ASSAYS. I said why is this, is one not good enough, he said not at all, its just belt and braces these days and it gives us even further assurance of the results we provide back to our clinics, all tests are rated at ~99.5% accurate, so using three differrent kits on each serum pretty much gives us 100%.

By the way it was not some student I spoke to the gentleman was head of testing at Manchester MMRI and he only called me back due to me sounding so anxious on the phone - what a nice guy !

I suppose what I wanted to get across was: 1. Do not waste your money at private clinics / 2. Trust your test results the NHS are not using in house testing labs ran by students.

I am really sorry to be still hanging around here and have to admit the past few weeks have been great for me, I have been having regular sex with my partner again I am back at work and I thought I had moved on from this incident, until yesterday !

I have had the flu for a couple of weeks, (which I have put down to the time of year and change in seasons) due to not being able to shift it I went to my GP yesterday, (he knows my full story and was the one who referred me to Physcologist and prescribed six week course of anti-depressants).

He told me to take a couple of days of work and rest, but the other advice he gave me was more than alarming, he said in light of my recent scare and that it also came to light that there was unprotected sex on the night in question, (which my GP did not know until yesterday) it would do no harm to have a repeat HIV test at the six month point to rule out all these other ailments.

I know the standard response is going to be "you are conclusively negative" and I do not intend to go back down the road of anxiety driven questions, but why would my GP be saying this now, after testing out to four months NEGATIVE, (in summary 4/6/8/10/12/14/18 weeks all 4th Gen. tests).

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts