Pinky, Perky and a life spent hiding from paparazzi

So, over the years I may have had the odd brush with fame. The article below is just one of them. I personally find them hilarious and so have decided to share them with the world. Think of this as a belated Christmas treat!

Let me set the scene – it’s 1999 and the LGI is trying to raise some money to buy a bone scanner. As part of its appeal, the Yorkshire Post is running articles about some people who may use this bone scanner, to get some donations. Not to spoil the ending for you, but the LGI did get its bone scanner, and my bones did get scanned by it – all’s well that ends well.

Personal highlights of this article include: “Collette McColgan has to wear clothes for children half her age” – so tragic; the fact that my mum has tippex’d out her real age and written 18 in biro (we have another copy of this, in which mum has gone for 21, presumably thinking that would be more believable); and my mum being credited with “[noticing] something was not quite right” with me, earning her the nickname Dr Maj.

I also “lovingly” named my splints Pinky and Perky (they were pink, as you would all know if they hadn’t scrimped on the colour printing), and my proudest achievement to date was winning Brownie of the Year. Actually, that’s probably still my proudest achievement to date. That, and winning “Workmate you’d most like to be trapped in a lift with” at this year’s work Christmas party.