I was thinkin o other things....I really tried to not duplicate, do scuse if I do, cause I bet I did.

- If we're at a cust service window and I'm leaning on it in a way that makes you feel like I'm pushing somebody else's personal space, or leaning on anything (cf Ruby's freezer) when it seems like I shouldn't--tilting weirdly in elevators to use the hand rail-- I'm only doing that to keep from falling down and embarrassing everybody even more. Heh. It means I have a bad back and standing in lines, etc., which I know is awful for everybody, is harder than it should be for me and I'm less able to just...suck up into a regulated amount of personal space while it's going on.

- Be prepared for me to take a while getting ready for things, showering, etc. Not insane Zsa Zsa amounts of time but...you know.

- Be prepared to have your momentum feel like it's interrupted, i.e., stoppin to rest when it feels like you just got going. Never fear, it's just what I gotta do to get to next step. Won't last.

- Be prepared for me to have to think carefully (more carefully than I want to) about packing/take up a lot of space in suitcase with my stuff, esp if we're flying. Be prepared for me to have to think too much about flying, period (hydration, bathroom access, aisle seats, buying extra seats, getting around the airport, bad cust service experiences...).

- Remember that it's often hard for me to just replace things I lose (clothing, prescriptions, toiletries). Esp clothes. Like if we're on the road or something. Also comes into play for long-term, i.e., special occasions...might need more time to find something, like that fitted scuba suit or whatever.

- Food is definitely a completely individualistic thing for a lot of reasons, but sometimes fat girls really don't eat often enough. Some people don't get that. Either way, I like it when somebody notices if I haven't eaten for 18 hrs.

- Dosages for medicines can be diff. And fat girls are not all power drinkers...we run from lightweights to heavyweights.

- If I hang my head out the car window like a dog, it won't last too long, don't worry.

- Be prepared to wait if I'm in the loo. Just cause. Be prepared for me to have to sniff out a couple if one doesn't work.

- Be prepared for people to treat me weird (whole other topic that--one that has been covered). Not always! Whatever! But everybody has their own way they like to deal with that.
- Be prepared....to be ecstastically happy! ahahahahah. Just wanted to end on a sillygirly note.

Be prepared for some contradiction. I may know of a certain place that has booths that I know I fit in....or a theatre with small seats that I have figured out how to work it for me.....if I lead the way, follow me, it does not mean however that I will fit in just any place just because I have found a few places that work for me.

I'd like to expand on the airport thing, which Keith learned about first hand earlier this year.

Anything that raises my anxiety level lessens* my ability to handle stress - at all. Airports are an extremely anxious thing for me, even though I consider myself a very well-versed in handling the issues that could come up. I'm a pro-fattie and I know my way around, what to ask for, how to prepare, etc.

However, the airport is FULL of trouble lurking around every corner, so please be prepared that:

I want to get there early - really early, annoyingly early because the amount of walking or unexpected obstacles is something that neither you nor I can account for. If it means I have to sit for an hour or more at the gate, then that's how it has to be for me.

The anxiety once I'm in the airport, but before I'm sitting waiting at the gate, is the height of it. I'm worried about the lines and how long I'll be standing, I'm worried about the minutes that are ticking away stealing precious leisurely walking minutes from me. I'm worried about how far the gate is - "right there" isn't "right there" for me all the time, sometimes it's "all the fuck the way down there"... prepare for sighing.

I may or may not need to rest... if I'm trucking along, try to just go with it. I will either just keep moving to get where I'm going so I can alleviate the anxiety, or if I drop in a seat somewhere, know that I did it because I have to... I'll only be there a minute or two, but it's necessary.

If you have to go to the bathroom, or smoke, or browse the bookstore, I would be more at ease and less anxious if that was done when there is no time crunch, once we're at the gate. The gate is where all my focus is. Once I'm there I can breathe again - the walking is over, and I'm going to destress. Everything that gets in my way and takes minutes between the front door and the gate.... all of that is something that raises my stress and makes me worried.

You might be able to make up time, but I can't... it's just not possible for me to run through the airport. I've put hours of time and thought and worry into how I'm going to get my body to that gate - PLEASE just let me do it.

Layovers are our WORST nightmare. Please just follow our lead and go, go, go... get to the next gate. You can do whatever you want when we get there - just be there when it's time to board.

Boarding.... I will pre-board. I'd like you to pre-board with me so that I'm not the only freak, and I clearly have a nice guy with me. We will get on, I will ask for my extender, and we'll go to get settled. I will get the window. Not because I'm a greedy girl, but because the indent at the window allows more room for my fat arms so the aisle people and carts are not smashing into me through the whole trip.

I need a minute to get situated, to get in the seat, get the seatbelt out from under my ass and get in there. I want this all done before other people are on board, so I'm settled. I'm going to be moving quick to get to "normal" stage. Please just go with the flow as far as requests to "grab this" "can you hand me..." , etc.

Disembarking - This is a tricky thing, but if you do it right for us, we'll love you forever. I can't stand up in my seat like everyone else does when they're ready to get off. I also can't get up and wait in the aisle... it's too long to stand probably, given how long it can take to get off. This is what I'd love (and love you, honey, for doing it ) - please get up when everyone else does and get our overhead stuff out. Move back enough that you're leaving our seat end open, and put one of our bags in front of you to save the space. When the people in front of us finally move up and are getting off, you stay in place and let me get out in front of you. You are acting as my block so I'm not trying to do these crazy plane moves in front of strangers, and you'll be behind me while I bump into every seat on the way off the plane. You're a peach and just made my life a bit easier.

When we get off the plane, I'm going to have to pee asap - so just follow me and be prepared to bag watch. I probably won't stop at the first one (rookie mistake!), so just keep going until I find the one with no line (see, the other one involves holding pee AND standing.... fatties don't like that).

If you can manage to put up with us during one of these situations, you're a great guy. It's just one of the most stressful things we go through, and I can't explain how awful it can be (even when it goes off without a hitch)... but if you can just be along with us, there, and understand that we hate it as much as you do ..... you're going to be appreciated more than you can know.

I know much of this may be AM-specific, but it's probably my most stressed time ever and even one FA reads this and keeps things in mind when traveling with a fatty, then I'm glad I wrote it.

__________________
So ... yeah.

Last edited by AnnMarie; 04-26-2008 at 06:06 PM.
Reason: totally had the wrong word in there*

I used to be just as equally independant as well. I ripped my ACL in my knee and that was all she wrote for me. The docs have told me what is wrong but have also told me they won't perform surgery to fix it *eyeroll* yet had i asked for WLS i'm sure they would've been more than happy to have accommodated.

So...a weak knee, plus an added number of pounds over the last couple years, i have become less independant. I still manage to find ways to do things that need to get done, by myself..for instance lol, the bed here is too high for me...sooooo i have just placed a egg crate thingy beside it and step on it to use as a springboard to help me bounce into the bed lol..though it's not gonna last for forever, gonna have to find something to replace that lol

Though ...having Bruce by my side to help with these things makes life a lot easier and just a lot sweeter in general because he cares and wants to make sure i'm taken care of.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigBellySSBBW

I used to be very independent...sometimes to a point that would push guys away.

I can totally agree with that..for sure. I have actually had to come to terms with being pushed in the chair, but that can lead to other problems. EVERYTIME i have flown into LaGuardia, specifically, nobody there wants to push me. Last time i was there they kept me and another overweight fella waiting for around 30 minutes at least. It is so frustrating. I understand that we're harder to push, but damnit employ people who are capable of pushing EVERYONE.

I have had women show up to push me and then see my size and walk away. I've had grown adult strong men fight over who was going to push me, in my FACE, but i had to pee so badly that all i could muster was "can someone PLEASE get me to a bathroom????"

I have also had some very nice people make sure i got to the gate and spoke to the person at the desk to make sure i was in a seat with nobody beside me, and for that i make sure to tip well...but it sure is frustrating when the majority of the time i have to deal with the previous scenario

I've considered it, but I don't know what size my partner will be in actuality. I can't really plan ahead in some cases for that reason. Well, the car part I mean. After awhile: Yea. It's probably going to kick in.

And I might make considerate calls and the like for similar reasons, but while some of these guidelines are objective, I think some are not. With ANY size partner that I date, I might make my plans, but I go about it with a mostly neutral outlook. These would be an example of something that might be in the back of my head.

I agree with most of the responses, and the gist of this though. It's like what RedVelvet said: The whole "BBW/SSBBWs running around in heels everyday" dream thingy that isn't real.

But every relationship has its hardships.

(And my last ex was about the same size as Master Spoons'. 5'4ish, and 240ish maybe? If I can imagine that she might have trouble with some place that I'm at [Or even me i.e. the DAMN FUCKIN' airplane seats that we all have trouble with! :P], then I'd probably plan ahead in someway if I knew what to do in the case of someone larger.

Thanks for the thread. Arigato.

__________________
Love people of all sizes!!! History is sometimes more logical than society.- Me :D

I'd like to expand on the airport thing, which Keith learned about first hand earlier this year...

100% on target. Every detail. I could have written this! omg.

Like Melissa I've gotten the wheelchair for the airport - but only did that once - last year when I had to go to Chicago. I didn't have her bad experiences, fortunately. I felt self conscious but! it made a WORLD of difference for that part of the trip. Truly.

__________________"Well," said Pooh, "what I like best --" and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn't know what it was called. - A.A. Milne

Oddly enough, this was one of the things that I took into consideration when I got a new car last year- that is, fat girl fittability.

i iz lerning!

Really, some of it is learned through experience, or hearing about it... but it didn't really take long, for me at least, until it became unconscious that I noticed where the chairs were wider, or armless, all this stuff that I never really took note of before.

But there's still a lot that's there to be learned, and some of that was just brought up here.

EDIT: Glad this got stickied, it happened before I finished writing it

It's true...When I met Beej, I had a choice of either a modestly wide chair with arms or a recliner. Beej graciously offered to let me have the recliner if I needed it. I chose the modestly wide chair with arms...but I very much appreciated the offer

Like Melissa I've gotten the wheelchair for the airport - but only did that once - last year when I had to go to Chicago. I didn't have her bad experiences

Them La Guardia boys are a bunch of fuckin' PUSSIES. I rolled her around with little effort for a good two hours when she came up her for New Years. Unfortunately, we somehow always wind up booking her flights before I need to report to work, so I can't always stay behind and personally oversee her boarding the plane...but we won't have to bother with that for much longer.

these posts are soooo good, i find that many men love dating bbws, but have NO idea what dating an SSBBW means, but not only that, it has been an education to my friends as well, like while they were out hiking the hills of san diego zoo (f*ck that!) or walking up and down the beach (does anyone else notice they sink more in the bloody sand, it is hard work walking shifting sands!) but i digress, i could go on and on..

my friends are learning a long with me, Stacy recently said lets go to see Cher, and i was like , um, where the hell do you think i am going to put my ass so i can fit in the seat?yeah, even being friends with an ssbbw can be tricky...just saying...

Awesome thread and soooo many great suggestions, i want to copy and paste them all together and give it out before i accept a date...so few of the men i have dated have had a clue about dating me...

THANK YOU!!!

__________________LEARN to ACCEPT without GUILT what is given in LOVE to you. RV

Secondly...our bodies are different. We are not just bigger thin girls. That belly you love? Well, it touches skin-on-skin 24/7/365...sometimes it will be a darker color underneath, or where it touches our thighs, or will chafe...sometimes we'll have powder or creams in there. Sometimes it might even get a pimple or boil. If this grosses you out or turns you off perhaps you aren't meant for a SS girlfriend.

And I'd like to reiterate that just about everything takes me longer to accomplish. I need to rest in front of the fan after I shower and before I dress. I need rest stops, to sit and recharge. I don't like standing for long periods.

What it comes down to, is that we want a nice, thoughtful guy. Kindness is paramount, and if you show it to us you're halfway home.

ETA: Oh, and a LOT of SS women (all??) snore. If you're lucky enough to sleep next to one, tell her she sounds cute and give her a kiss. Trust me, she'll love you for it.

Awesome thread and soooo many great suggestions, i want to copy and paste them all together and give it out before i accept a date...so few of the men i have dated have had a clue about dating me...

The funniest part of it is that women in ALL relationships (big and small) can easily complain that their needs aren't being met...such is not always the case when a hot fat girl finds a guys that takes care of her the way she deserves.

(and I'll gladly say this to the skinny bitches who tried to give our girls a hard time on Tyra Banks)

also very good points...it happens when legs rub together too thank GOD for powder lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by ripley

Secondly...our bodies are different. We are not just bigger thin girls. That belly you love? Well, it touches skin-on-skin 24/7/365...sometimes it will be a darker color underneath, or where it touches our thighs, or will chafe...sometimes we'll have powder or creams in there. Sometimes it might even get a pimple or boil. If this grosses you out or turns you off perhaps you aren't meant for a SS girlfriend.

ETA: Oh, and a LOT of SS women (all??) snore. If you're lucky enough to sleep next to one, tell her she sounds cute and give her a kiss. Trust me, she'll love you for it.

ETA: Oh, and a LOT of SS women (all??) snore. If you're lucky enough to sleep next to one, tell her she sounds cute and give her a kiss. Trust me, she'll love you for it.

Oh my God. I was SOOOOOOOO self concious of that that last time I slept next to someone. Like...I would hear myself doing it in my sleep and wake up. I got very little sleep that night...mostly cause I didn't want to miss a moment of laying there, but also cause I was too afraid of snoring right in the guys face...lol.

This is a great thread Melissa. I am glad that my guy is smart enough to know what needs I have and willing to do everything he can to meet them.
He is the first real FA that I have ever dated that I have not had tell explain my body cannot do this or that or sit here or there.I dont think he came pretrained he is just really smart like that lol.

the snoring thing i can totally relate to, i slept with this one incred hot guy, who i never saw again, cause he just couldnt get off the fact that i snored, i had been up for fricking 26 hours, drove 4 hours to see him and he had the nerve to bitch that i snored....as if.....like i CHOSE to snore, just to piss him off (he was post call too).

yeah, we fat people do snore, fact of life...get over it...lol

I couldnt rep ya Rip, but i tried...

__________________LEARN to ACCEPT without GUILT what is given in LOVE to you. RV

it's wonderful isn't it? Bruce is my first REAL FA and first real love...not until i met him have i experienced what it means for a man to love, care and look after me. He's always making sure to think ahead and God i love him for it

Quote:

Originally Posted by chocolate desire

This is a great thread Melissa. I am glad that my guy is smart enough to know what needs I have and willing to do everything he can to meet them.
He is the first real FA that I have ever dated that I have not had tell explain my body cannot do this or that or sit here or there.I dont think he came pretrained he is just really smart like that lol.