March 5, 2010

The blog post to prepare you for an important annoucemnt

This shit is big.

like someone had better fucking call Mario and Luigi big.

On Tuesday, March 9th we will release the new Bike Porn 3 Trailer.

Yes, we understand you are possibly overwhelmed at the notion. For the past 3 years we have only had one promotional trailer for each program of independently made erotic bicycle movies. But before you decide that this shit is too big to handle forcing you to abandon your home in a panic you should instead on hold on for another quick minute cause there is more important info yet to come. First we apologize for squatting on it for so long. (long time readers will note how we despise that behavior in others) We had plans to do lots of things with with this video. We wanted to chop it into smaller web sized chunks, possibly tease the audience for a while... but really it is so glorious it just needs to be seen by everyone who wont get fried for watching hot bike sex.

And actually some of you really SHOULD get fired for watching Bike Porn at work. Besides being hilarious you would might enjoy the new freedoms associated with having been "terminated for excessive bikesexuality at work" (because we all know excessive bikesexuality never inhibits performance).

Its important to note that because we don't have any DVDs out there (not only do we not sell DVDs but we also dont send screeners to theaters, meaning there are NO dvds out there). This is in order for us to:

A) protect the anonymity of the pornographers andB) force the audience to engage BikePorn in a setting where they can talk to their peers andC) meet sexy fucking bikers

But as if that is not exciting enough, not only will you get to see Miss Nicky Robo's how new queer eyed take on Bike Porn 3 Cycle Bound, but you will also learn: THE THEME AND DEADLINE FOR NEXT YEAR'S BIKE PORN!

Imagine! You! In your own porn! That you create! And is shared with 1000s of people in intimate screenings! And you never have to worry about it being online! So you are totally protected from your grandparents ever seeing it on youtube!So many people have been talking about making Bike Porn for us, and of course we couldn't be happier. Its our charge to bring it to the vast horny bike audiences out there. And we do.

Bike Smut is...

At first you may not see the connections between sex and cycling. Some are attracted to the sleek designs, some champion the liberation of women, (eg how bikes put pants on women) while others think bikers are hot and want to fuck them.

We can help.

Our program of short, DIY bike pornography is specially designed to provide you the tools to meet, converse and potentially reach orgasm with bikers in your area!

We endorse:

joyful exploration,

shameless flirtation,

and radical honesty.

Movies are a powerful medium, but even more impressive is what creative ideas come from a community gathering to appreciate the cause of better sex and better transportation! Workshops, dance parties, lectures and discussion groups, potlucks, craft nights, naked/underwear bike rides, and more take part in bettering your community by helping to define obscenity for yourself...