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Satellite Room Brunch

It was a lovely little summer morning with Annie, our Social Bitch. It was hot and breezy, and calm—the city as quiet. We dropped by Lost & Found, a chill bar in Blagden Alley, to visit a beer brunch hosted by New Belgium Brewing Co. It was a great event—a live band in the window, and folks just chillin’ out mingling and drinking beers. There was a beermosa bar, where you could make your own beverage from a selection of lemonade and juices and light and dark brews. Those shandys were darn good.

But, we wanted a larger, heartier brunch—so off we went to find a brunch in Shaw. Alas, there are limited brunch options in Shaw—so we continued up to U Street. Everything seemed closed—1905, Brixton—we continued on. The city was sleepy—but it was past noon. We were hungry. It was hot. Finally, I caught sight of Satellite Room, behind the 9:30 Club, in the distance. The decision was made.

We took our respite on the back patio of Satellite, which has a Southwestern vibe—Southwest with an edge. There are beautiful, bright murals on the wall, reminiscent of Dia de Los Muertos, and bright tile backsplash on the bar and behind it.

We were thirsty—for both water and beverages.

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It took our waiter an eternity to arrive. I get it, you’re a hipster—we have to be chill, man. But bring me some water, for Christ’s sake. The wait staff comprised primarily hot, straight, hipster men, so it gets a bit of a pass.

The Satellite Room has changed its menu, removing the most important breakfast dish: the fried chicken and biscuits. I was devastated. This also meant several other breakfast sandwiches, previously served with biscuits, were no longer available. I was devastated, Bitches. This was a true tragedy—that more people won’t be able to experience those chicken biscuits. (Read our first review here).

The brunch still offers its bottomless Wu Tang mimosas, which are priced at a very affordable $15. Better yet, the bottomless deal goes until 4 p.m., so you can wile away a day on the patio. As Annie had never been to Satellite, we simply had to order the infamous boozy milkshakes. The last time we brunched together, we were eating boozy cereals, so we’ve had a great run of brunches to date this summer. I usually opt for my go-to boozy shake (Yes, I have a go-to), the Vincent Vega. It’s simple: vanilla and bourbon. I wanted a departure from the norm so I opted for the Nutella and Hennessy milkshake. I believe this is the first time I’ve ever had Hennessy.

Meanwhile, Annie channeled her idol Lucy Ricardo with a chocolate and vanilla milkshake with Johnny Walker Black. Drink one of these too quickly and you’ll laugh at anything.

For my entrée, I decided upon the Satellite breakfast platter, which consisted of two pancakes, two eggs any style, your choice of meat, and breakfast potatoes. The eggs, fried over easy, and pancakes, thin and warm, were pretty good. As in, they were better than OK but nothing noteworthy. The breakfast potatoes were not good. The bacon was thick, hot, and served in a large quantity—but there was too much fat.

I also ordered a side of fruit, which was lackluster as it was filled with honeydew, as well as cantaloupe and pineapple. It wasn’t very fresh—to the point where I took a few bites, turned up my nose, and pushed the bowl away.

For her entrée, Annie went with the Croque Monsieur, which was a glorious, heavy, hearty mess of bread, ham, eggs, and Bechamel cheese. As if the richness of the butter, cheese and bread were not enough, it came with an unhealthily-large portion of tater tots as a side. Holy tots, we were instantly transported back to grade school happiness. They had Annie quoting Napoleon Dynamite for the rest of the meal.

Overall, the meal was delicious but heavy – causing her to fall immediately into a food coma after the walk home. Still, we were thankful for a brunch open on Saturday that didn’t require a reservation or a wait.

The Bitches say: C+. We love the vibe and scene at Satellite—and the bottomless deal is a good one. But the menu has been reduced and the food has gone a bit down hill—plus the service could be better.