Inside the South Carolina Debate: So Close, We Could Practically Feel Newt Gingrich’s Media-Directed Scorn

NORTH CHARLESTON, SOUTH CAROLINA—After a Borges-like trek through the bowels of Charleston—and its less attractive neighbor, North Charleston—your blogger and photographer finally found the Coliseum, the site of Thursday’s CNN-sponsored Republican presidential debate and many an ancient lion fight.

Hundreds of reporters organized by news outlet sat on long tables covered in black tablecloths. The journalists feasted on apples and free soda as Newt Gingrich kicked things off by insulting their chosen profession. “The destructive, vicious, negative nature of much of the news media makes it harder to govern this country,” Gingrich said in response to a question about his second ex-wife’s claim their marriage was an open one. “To take an ex-wife and make it two days before the primary a significant question for a presidential campaign is as close to despicable as anything I can imagine.” Spoiler alert: he and CNN would make up by the end of the evening. He thanked the network for hosting him as the debate concluded, at which point reporters in the press room laughed the carefree laughter of people enjoying free apples and soda.

Photo by Justin Bishop.

Photo by Justin Bishop.

As Republican debates go, tonight’s happenings were actually quite funny: Rick Santorum said that “grandiosity has never been a problem with Newt Gingrich.” According to Santorum, Gingrich’s big ideas were all plan and no action—all talk and no walk. Santorum is not the first person to suspect Gingrich lacks an interest in walking.

Mitt Romney, whose lead in the South Carolina polls seems to be diminishing the more time he spends here, was defensive when asked about his refusal to release his tax returns: “I won’t apologize for being successful,” he said. Santorum’s excuse appealed to lovers of a more classic variety of justification: “Well, I do my own taxes, and they’re on my computer and I’m not home. So, I have nobody at home right now. Until I get home, I won’t get them. When I get home, you’ll get my taxes.” Santorum stopped short of recounting his several futile attempts to recall his TurboTax log-in.

Photo by Justin Bishop.

The evening’s best line of questioning concerned SOPA, the anti-piracy legislation. Newt Gingrich took a lazy whack at Hollywood lefties, but Santorum, as you can imagine, had very strong feelings about the Internet and its discontents. The Web, Santorum said, is not a “free zone” in which “people can trample on the rights of other people.” No people specifically. Definitely no specific people so don’t even Google it. Don’t Google anything.

A few years later, the debate began to wind down. Moderator John King asked candidates to sell themselves as quickly as possible to the people of South Carolina. Ron Paul mentioned liberty, Santorum profusely perspired, Romney put on his best SMILE (Simulacrum of Man In Laughter/Energy cartridge); and Newt Gingrich stayed married.

Journalists were the real winners tonight, as Santorum and famous celebrity T Paw (Tim Pawlenty!) milled around the post-debate spin room, greeting all who dared remain.