CM Punk quit reading this blog months ago.

Tag Archives: John Cena

I knew this day would come, yet I wasn't mentally or emotionally ready for it. The season one finale of Total Divas has come and gone, and I'm still coping. What will I do on Sunday nights? How will I know what's going on in the personal lives of the Divas? What will I blog about?! So many questions, and so few answers - AND I have to wait until March for Total Divas to return? Worst Christmas present ever.

But let's get right into it, shall we? The season finale did not disappoint storyline wise, so I hope you're prepared for this heaping helping of divalicious drama.

Nattie: Let's dig into the drama right away with Nattie. First of all, whyyyy did they not show the Diva's night out in New Orleans? All we got were short, weird recap clips that seemed like a mix between The Real World and a poorly scripted sitcom with bad actresses. Anyway, Nattie entered the infamous #BrieMode and shit got ca-razy! We first saw Nattie as she was waking up after the NOLA night amidst a mess of feathers, masquerade masks, and beads (OMG YOU THINK NATTIE FLASHED ANYONE?!). Read more

This week's episode of Total Divas was pretty lackluster. Sure, we got to see more of John Cena's mega-mansion and the show opened with Trinity jiggling her boobs all over, but overall, eh. Maybe I need more catfights, or maybe I need less JoJo (ha), but what I definitely need is more of Nattie's acting skills and way more of Josie.

I'm sure the E! Network will get right on that, so for now, let's GET THAT CHINGLE CHINGLE

What is there to say about Total Divas? Take seven WWE divas (or wannabe divas), force them to spend time together, and film their interactions. DRAMA! WRESTLING! BOOBS! It's like every "Real Housewives" franchise, except more dramatic and the divas can kick the shit out of each other when they get mad*. I mean, they are divas so they have to live up to their namesake, amiright?

*Not really. Did you know that WWE wrasslin' stuff is fake?!

But what if you've never watched WWE before? No worries! The divas put everything in layman's terms (whether or not this is intentional has yet to be determined), so it's pretty easy to follow along. Plus, some of them are just as clueless as you are.

Needless to say, an extensive knowledge of WWE is not required to watch this show (or be on the show).

Take caution, though. You will get addicted to this show and you will have a meltdown when the season ends. Eventually you will find yourself blogging about each episode. If you don't like the show, there is obviously something wrong with you. Or you actually have a life.

Episode: 1.11 "Seeing Red"

I only hope the title of this episode had to do with the Nattie/Eva Marie drama and not the drama going on with Ariane's lady parts. Read more

Wrestlemania is this Sunday and while I have been less than enamored with the build for the big show, I am very excited for the show itself. Sure, there is too much Triple H, there are like six matches I'd like to see The Rock and Cena in besides their rematch, Jack Swagger is a big part of the show and the US champion is nowhere to be found, but this is Wrestlemania we're talking about. Even the worst shows are worth watching and talking about (with the possible exception of Wrestlemania IX.)

In order to get ourselves excited for the pay-per-view we're going to count down the matches in order of least excited to most excited. Get excited. Read more

There has been a lot of talk about the top matches at this year's Wrestlemania and for good reason, the card is dominated by people who don't normally wrestle. The top three matches on the card, The Rock-John Cena II, Brock Lesnar-Triple H II and CM Punk-Undertaker, only feature two wrestlers who regularly appear on television. Wrestlemania has always featured a few outsiders in key roles, whether it be Donald Trump at ringside or Lawrence Taylor in the ring, but never before has it been to this level. Never before has so much of the card and it's promotion been centered on people who aren't every day WWE superstars.

There was a time when Wrestlemania was the night that everything came to a head, that a new star champion was finally crowned (Warrior, Austin, Batista, Benoit) or a match we'd been dying to see finally happened (Warrior-Hogan, Bret-Shawn, Austin-Rock, Chavo-Kane), but those days are gone now. The new Wrestlemania isn't about rewarding fans for watching the product for the last year and giving them what they want, it's about putting on the biggest, grandest show imaginable that appeals to lapsed fans, non-fans, people who watch TMZ and hardcore fans (maybe, it doesn't really matter) that will bring in the most money imaginable. It's WWE's new way of doing business and you should probably just stop complaining and get used to it. Read more

As Jason at Wrestlespecitve would say, fantasy booking is for dorks. It doesn't matter how smart you think you are (and I consider myself to be very smart like Lanny Poffo) or how many shoot interviews you've watched and books you've read, you still aren't a professional wrestling writer. (Everyone knows you need to have at least one IMDB credit to be one of those.) As much as we think about booking decisions there is nothing that we can really do about them. There is no way that we can influence them. The odds are, we will never get that job.

That doesn't mean that we can't dream though. Every wrestling fan, just like every baseball or football fan, knows that things would be better if they were in charge. "If they just did things my way then business would be through the roof," we think. It's why we play games like Total Extreme Wrestling, it's why we complain when things don't go our way. It's just a part of who we are.

So screw it. I'm a dork and I am going to do some fantasy booking. Read more