Invader Zim

Invader Zim (2001–2006) is an animated television series created by comic book writer/artist Jhonen Vasquez and aired on Nickelodeon. The show features the exploits of Zim trying to conquer the Earth, along with his defective robot sidekick GIR, while his arch-nemesis Dib tries to stop him.

Tallest Red: Welcome mighty Irken soldiers! You are the finest examples of military training the Irken army has to offer! Good for you. Standing behind us, however, are the soldiers we've chosen for roles in one of the most crucial parts in Operation Impending Doom II! [mockingly] You in the audience just get to sit and watch.

Tallest Purple: You should have tried harder!

Tallest Red: Oh, and remember; LASERS!

Tallest Purple:[a laser hits his eye] AAAAH!!!

Tallest Purple: Besides, no invader has ever been so.. very small. You're very small, Zim. You're a tiny thing.

Zim: Yes... Oh, I will bring my "parents", and they shall be the greatest, most parental parents EVER!

Dib: [in Zim's thought bubble] See you AND your parents tonight, Zim! And by the way, it's not called "Parent Teacher Night." It's called Zim Doom...Doom Zim...Zimmy...Doom night. [chortles] Watch out for that puppy.

Zim: Be alert GIR. On this planet, we are surrounded by danger and MADNESS!

GIR: Ooh, I like madness!

Zim: By using these pieces of scrap metal, I shall fashion a compass, using this planet's own magnetic field against it. Now! Witness the power of my compass!

[The compass magnetically attaches itself to GIR's chest]

GIR: Awww, it likes me!

GIR : [Reads logo off bus] What...about...the bus?

Zim: [to bus driver] You expect me to pay to ride this filthy machine? Have you the brain worms?!

GIR: Are we gonna ride the sun home?

Zim: No, GIR, the earth sun sets in the west. Staring at it should give me our relative position. Now watch me amaze you. [Stares at the sun until his eyes burn and crust over] Wait a minute... I'M BLIND!!!! [runs around screaming, with GIR giggling and chasing him] They've booby-trapped their sun somehow!!

Zim: [to cab driver] You think I wont be ready, but you're wrong, presumptuous cab beast! I have prepared myself for this moment and it has paid off in full! You see, the Invaders learn from their mistakes, however rare they may be! Now human, take me to [thinks for a moment then points in a random direction] that way, and quickly! In case you haven't noticed, I've been trying to go home!

Dirge: I was born with webbed fish toes. Like some kind of...horrible fish boy. Wanna see?

Zim: I want to congratulate you, Keef, on a job well done. You have been a most convincing friend, but now that the world seems satisfied with my knack for companionship, I don't think I'll be requiring your services any longer. Our mission together is done, [salutes briefly] good job soldier, be gone with you.

GIR: Oh, I can't take it, you're too smart for me. Keef is planning a s'prise party for you after skool. He gonna bring all the kids because he loves you! [crying] That boy loves you so much! [stops crying] I'm makin' the cake!

Zim: He's bringing all the children to our secret lair? Do you realize what this means?

Zim: Hahahahahaha..ARG! Idiotic human! I'll just go to your brain and delete the knowlege of where you hid the master disk! And, as an added bonus, I might as well make your entire brain...nn-not smart...no more.

Dib: AAAHHHAAOOH!

Zim: Now let's see where you are keeping the location of the disk, Dib!

[Zim scans Dib's brain. A target appears on his console]

Zim: There!

[Zim fires a laser at the point indicated on the console]

Dib: He's in my head! Knowledge losing... brain... poop. I can't remember where the file is! Gaz, he did it! He made me forget!

Desmond Flapp: You're the one we've been waiting for! The one foretold in the prophecies, told by... Frank!

Frank: Yup. Told you he'd come.

Government Man: [in robotic voice] I am Government Man, come from the government. The government has sent me. [zooms inside to see GIR piloting the robot][walks over to Zim] Ohohoho. He is not an alien lifeform. He is an experimental government aircraft!

Desmond Flapp: How do we know you're really from the Government? And why should we let you take our discovery?

Dib: Go on! Laugh! But one day, you'll be sitting in your house feeling all safe and secure, and then you'll look over and I'll be there, doin' stuff!

Zim: Stuff?!? In my home?!? Never! You'd have to find some kind of flaw in my security net! Since that could never possibly happen, you'll have to do your "stuff" elsewhere! [pauses] You haven't discovered some kind of a flaw, have you?

Krazy Taco Mascot: So take it from me, the Krazy Taco! You won't find a crazier taco then the ones you'll find at the Krazy Taco! Remember, our Drive-Thru's open the whole niiight! Sweet jumpin' jelly bean, I'm CRAZY!!

Zim: I don't think you understand how serious this is! Tacos are not worth ruining the mission. I am your master, and you will obey me! Obey me! (Zim kneels on the ground as if he was begging) ...Pleeeeeaaassse?

GIR: Maybe you're right... we can get a giant burrito too!

Police Radio: Be on the look out for a giant mobile home rampaging through the downtown area.

Cop 1: Can mobile homes rampage?

Cop 2: Must be one of them new ones.

[GIR orders food from the Krazy Taco drive-thru with Zim screaming in the background]

Krazy Taco Worker: So that's two large tacos, burrito, and a medium "GIR take us back to the base right now." Do you want a drink with that?

GIR: Wait...if you destroyed Dib in the past, then he won't ever be your enemy, then you won't have to send a robot back to destroy him and then he will be your enemy, so then you will have to send a robot back...

GIR: [over the skool intercom] Greetings, children of Earth! This is your new school announcer. A special surprise mandatory field trip is happening for the following lucky children. Morla, Flan, Red Rocky, everyone in Ms. Bitters's class except for Zim. And especially Dib. All these children get to go to a special place made entirely of food. I like food! Now check this out!

[He makes beatbox noises. Zim shuts the intercom off]

Ms. Bitters: Now open up your textbook and begin memorizing the copyright information. You will be quizzed on this.

Zim: Ms. Bitters, I have a [yells] MIGHTY NEED... to use the restroom once again.

Ms. Bitters: Okay, but that's your last bathroom break for the rest of the school year.

Zim: I will leave you to your...

GIR: [whispering to Zim] Moosey fate!

Zim: Eh...

GIR: [whispering] Say moosey fate!

Zim: ...Your moosey fate.

[ GIR starts laughing]

Zim: But I chose this particular worm hole especially for the occasion. You see, at the end of this wormhole lies: A ROOM with a MOOSE!!

Dib: AAAAAHHHH- Wait a minute! Did you say, a room with a moose?

Zim: Yes. Your fear is overwhelming, no?

Dib: Um...no. What's so scary about a room with a stupid moose? I mean, yeah, that's a big moose, but really-

Actor playing Dib: [points to man in squirrel costume] AAGHHHH, what is that?

GIR: And then the squirrel ate Dib's greasy head. [man in squirrel costume proceeds to mutilate Actor Dib's head as the other actors back away terrified] And then the squirrel flew away! [man in squirrel costume gets picked up by cables] After that, he flew back to his home planet to fight all the bad guys. [costume rips and man falls on two actors in alien costumes]

Prof. Membrane: I made the Perpetual Energy Generator, or, as I call her, PEG. Tonight, I activate it. If it works, we never have to worry about power again! If it doesn't, it'll send out a wave of doom that will destroy all life on Earth!

Spectator: What was that last part?

[Dib's future self concludes a lengthy explanation as to how he's in the past]

Computer: Okaaaaaay...uh...founded in 1492 by, uh...demons, the FBI is a crack law enforcement agency designed to...uh, I dunno, fight...aliens?

Zim: I knew it! This is baaaad! This is so baaaad!

Zim: GIR! That movie is some kind of government spying tool! Quickly! Eat it!

[The phone rings.]

Zim:Hello?(with voice a little deep)Hello?(with voice getting deep)Hello?[with his voice synthetically deeper]Good,OK.Hello,How I may help you today?

Video Store Clerk: I'm through playin' around! You better return that video or else! This is your final warning!

Zim: I'm sorry, I do not know what you are talking about. I am normal.

Video Store Clerk: If that thing isn't in the drop-off box by the time we open tomorrow, you're gonna paaaaaayyyyy... late fees.

Doot: Ooh!I wanna rent this one!

Video Store Clerk: Why?!? So you can keep it for weeks and weeks and not return it? What about all the other people that wanna watch it?!? You ever think about them? Huh? HUH?!?

[Doot begins to cry]

Sgt. Shriver: He caught me sleeping during my shift. When you break the rules, Rankle sends you here. Every couple a days, he takes someone away. They never come back. Some say he just lets 'em go. Me? I say he takes them and turn 'em into horrible zombie soldiers in that new zombie lab they just put in out back.

Slab Rankle: Oh, it's not that simple my friend... Slab Rankle is not that easy to pull it over in defeat! Because Slab...and Rankle and, and Slab and... TIME FOR ZOMBIES!

Zim: Truly I am amazing. How could they not cheer the very sight of my progress? Still, I am becoming impatient with my incredibly subtle infiltration of this planet, and am growing ever hungrier to be the destruction of the humans. Destruction is nice!

Zim: Get off my head, GIR.

[GIR crawls off of Zim's head]

Zim: I have a good feeling about this lead, I can almost taste the humans being destroyed, IT'S DELICIOUS! This Mars holds the key, I just know it! New words of praise will have to be invented just so they can p- GET OFF MY HEAD!

Hologram: My people worked themselves into extinction making our planet a working vessel!

Zim: Why would you do that?

Hologram: Because it's cool.

GIR: *nods* Mmm-hmm.

Zim: Mission accomplished, my Tallest! I have rid this solar system of Mars!

Tallest Purple: I thought you were trying to destroy the Earth.

Zim: Oh! Yes. That! You heard wrong! This time I was trying to get rid of Mars. You know, just a little warm up before I destroy the humans! Yeah, see, I'll do Earth next! I'm an unstoppable death machine, you know.

Zim: Yes...chicken legs. It also possesses a new generation distortion cloaking system. You know what that means?

GIR: Oooh... [flips out then stops]

Zim: That means it turns invisible!

GIR: I had no idea.

GIR: CHICKEN! [giggles] I'm gonna eat you!

Dib: Wow! [starts taking pictures of the Megadoomer] Crop Circle Magazine is gonna put me on the front cover for sure! Someone take a picture of me with it. [pauses, then hands the camera to GIR, who begins taking multiple pictures of Dib]

GIR: Aww you. You look so cute.

Zim: I've put up with you long enough, Dib! Now fight an enemy you cannot see!

Countess von Verminstrassor: A level 1... I am Countess von Verminstrassor, the Delouser! For your own good, you will cooperate! You have lice, and until your condition improves, you will be detained here indefinitely!

Tak: [reading her poem to Zim] For longer than I can remember, I've been looking for someone like you. Someone with a head like yours and a torso too. Birds sing AND YOU'RE GONNA PAY! The end! HERE'S SOME MEAT COVERED IN BARBECUE SAUCE! [pulls a giant slab of ribs covered in bbq sauce and throws it at Zim, who screams]

Tak: NOOOOOO! It's not about revenge! It's about taking what's rightfully mine. I should have been an invader! I should have been part of the Great Assigning! I shouldn't HAVE to be stealing THIS planet from YOU!

Zim: [pause] YOU'RE AFTER MY ROBOT BEE!!

Tak: NOOOOOOO!!!! Listen to me. Listen...carefully!

Zim: Hmm? Hmm? Hmmmmmm?

Tak: I'm a better invader than you could ever be. I blend in perfectly. The plan I have in store for this nasty rock will so impress the Tallest that they'll have no choice but to make me an invader.

Zim: WHAT IS THIS-- [lowers his tone] And what is this plan?

Tak: [laughs softly]

Zim: Yeah, yeah, I'm a master of comedy. Now tell me this plan!

Tak: Part One involves crippling your base, so that you could only watch... AS I RUIN YOUR LIFE!!!!

[Her SIR unit unleashes nanites that consume Zim's base]

Zim: [horrified] MY BEAUTIFUL BASE!!!

Tak: Part Two is--

Zim: NOOOOOOOOOO, MY BEAUTIFUL BASE!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Tak: [irritated] Part Two is--

Zim: NOOOOOOOOOO, MY BEAUTIFUL BASE!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Tak: Part Two is--

Zim: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Tak: Part--

Zim: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Tak: Okay, I'm--

Zim: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Tak: Okay, I'm leaving now.

Zim: [calmly] But you didn't tell me your plan.

Tak: The great thing about your people, Dib, is that most of them don't notice. All they see is another faceless corporate venture, not a plan for world conquest!

Zim: I command you to get out of here before we're noticed...some more.

GIR: [in duty mode] You are no commander! You are a threat to the mission! Your methods are stupid! Your progress has been stupid! Your intelligence is STUPID! For the sake of the mission, you must be TERMINATED!

Zim: Curse you, snacks! CURSE YOOOOUUUUUUU!

GIR: [in duty mode] For the good of the mission.

Zim: GIR, you were my servant once, remember?

GIR: [in duty mode] Yes. I didn't like it.

[Zim turns a dial, resetting GIR back to normal as he falls to the ground face first]

GIR: [out of duty mode] Hi, floor, make me a sammich!

Zim: That's better, I guess...

GIR: Heh, heh, sammich, sammich!

Policeman Squid: I want to thank you. That was quite an adventure. The car wreck, the library fight and then, the galactic space battle that happened on the way to this beach.

Zim: Yes, yes, very nice. Now into the ocean with you, where you can tell no one of these things.

Sgt. Hobo: Prepare yourselves, you slime-licking smort crabs, to face a series of trials! The finish line is the dreaded fortress of pain! Any mistakes and you will be beamed away, to a losers' holding pen! The holding pen... of pain!

Throbulator: The holding pen is painful?

Sgt. Hobo: Yes!

Throbulator: Does it have to be?!?

Sgt.Hobo: Not really.

Sgt. Hobo: I'm really looking forward to twisting you into a twisted, horrible knot, made from you.

Tallest Red: [Winks at Tallest Purple] If you pass, we will send a big, big, set of battle tanks.

Tallest Red: ... I was curious to see when you'd shut up on your own. But it's been three hours now, Zim! THREE HOURS!!! So... what is it?

Zim: I just noticed that you're travelling closer to the Earth than EVER before!

Tallest Purple: How do you know that?

Zim: Oh, I know all kinds of things about you. Pretty creepy, huh? Anyhow, I was...

Tallest Purple: Hey! That is creepy! You're creepy, Zim.

Zim: [chuckles] Yes, I sure am. Anyhow, since you're so nearby, you could come see me initiate my newest, most DIABOLICAL PLAN TO DESTROY THE HUMANS!!! I made sandwiches! They've got little flags in them!

Zim: The Tallest fail to realize that I'm inviting them for front row seats for the end of all mankind. My latest plan-

[While Dib watches the scene using a spy camera installed into Zim's house]

GIR: Guess who made waffles!

Zim: I'm not going to eat-

GIR: [screams]

Zim: Enough! I shall try some already! [takes a bite] Well, they don't seem to be making me sick. You know, I think this will be a good way to build a tolerance to the human's filthy food! Okay, GIR. I will try-

GIR: Hehehehehehe! [runs to get more waffles]

Zim: And as soon as I'm done with these waffles, I will discuss my evil plan!

Prof. Membrane: [on a video monitor] Kids, I'm glad we could have this dinnertime recording together. Now, Gaz, if you could just put that can of beans in the proton oven! Be sure to take them out of the can or the explosion will destroy all human life!

[Gaz puts the unopened can in the proton oven, but the power goes out]

Coach. Walrus: I have shown you the horrors of war...the devastation of famine...pictures of my birth! But I don't think you comprehend what awaits you in adult life. To better prepare you for the inevitable character building horrors, we will now play bludgeon-ball! It's fun!

Randome kid:Whoa,check out his eyeball

Dib:The eyeball of and alien invader!

Zim:LIES!LIES!Have you not heard of pinkeye?!? It is a normal human illness.

Zita:Yeah,Pinky got it really bad last week.

Dib: [surprised] You...you believe me? Wait a minute, you were in some hideous government experiment where they hit you in the head with car doors right?

Dwicky: [looking at a picture of himself tied up in an alligator's mouth] Ha ha, almost, but no! I really do believe you!

Teacher: Dwicky! Do you really believe in aliens?!?

Dwicky: [laughs] Not anymore! All the child-like wonder was ripped from my heart the day my foot got stuck in an escalator and aliens didn't come rescue me! No, I'll just humor Dib until he tells me what the real problem is.

[Gaz's stuffed animals transform into robots with weapons. They advance on Dib who runs away screaming]

Dib: No! Gaz! Not the mashed potatoes! Remember what happened to Zita!

Zim: [after laughing for some while] That's a good one! "Help you!" Why should I help you?

Dib: Hey! I helped you when we were transforming into giant bolognes!

Zim: YOU'RE MAKING IT UP!!!!!

[Gaz is in an isolation chamber after the spell Dib casts on her goes wrong. Dib is visiting her]

Gaz: I'll make you wish you had rabid weasels teleported into your skull instead of having a sister! I'll wait until you sleep and stuff all your paranormal junk into your big, giant paranormal head and chew on your eyeballs after I pluck them out!