Happy spring!! Although Los Angeles finds a miraculous way to get sunny and warm by noon every day–350+ days a year–we do, in fact, have a spring… Stuff is getting smelly, in a good way. Days are getting nice and long. Moods are lifting and windows are opening up. Spring has sprung!

In celebration of this marvel of nature, I will be teaching a 4-part cooking series, starting Sunday, April 21st through May 12th. We will cover springtime remedy drinks, soups, grain dishes, beans, sea veggies and desserts. Plus we’ll dive into the Order of the Universe; my favorite subject.

If you live nearby, please email me at jessicathehipchick@gmail.com and I’ll send more details. Space is very limited.

Welcome to the Annual International Facebook Celebrity Charity Chew-a-thon!!!

Okay. We have no celebrities (yet). And it’s not for charity (yet), but we are most certainly international, with Chewers participating from all over the world… including Spain, Britain, Israel, Australia, Canada, Japan and even a little town called New York City!! We have Chewers of all ages, all professions, all backgrounds… with only one thing in common… WE ALL HAVE TEETH, AND GOSHDARNIT, WE ARE GOING TO USE THEM!!!

If you’ve ever fantasized about feeling light, floaty, zen and happy-for-no-reason, you’ve come to the right place. If you want to drop a couple of pounds, while experiencing every moment to its fullest, you’re welcome here. If you’ve ever tried to explain the benefits of chewing to a friend, and just gotten a weird look, WE FEEL YOUR PAIN. Welcome!!!

So here are the rules: Starting Monday morning (Feb. 18), whenever that is for you, start chewing your food… aiming at 50 chews per mouthful. It doesn’t matter what you are eating. Anyone with a mouth is welcome at the Chew-a-thon.

Just chew. And chew. And chew.

We will chew like champions for exactly one week, checking in with each other to support and encourage the team. If you gulp a meal, you are not disqualified. Just jump right back into the chewing saddle. There is only encouragement, love, and saliva here. We don’t bite people, just vegetables.

Some tips and guidelines:

1) If you are having a hard time chewing everything, but still want to participate, aim to chew half your meal (usually the last half–easier to chew when you’re not ravenously hungry). You will still see amazing results from chewing half your plate. If you can, chew everything. This yields the most dramatic results. You should see weight loss, increased energy, a feeling of connectedness with your body, peace of mind, creative insights, and award-winning poops (no photos!!)…

2) Some things are easier to chew than others. For example, whole grains, vegetables and beans are pretty easy to chew, especially when you introduce a teensy bit of pickle into the mouthful. This helps to generate saliva. Fruit and sweets tend to break down very quickly, and animal protein just gets stringy in your mouth. Complex carbs are the best.

3) Keep count on your hand. When I chew, I only ever count up to ten, and then I stick a finger out to register “ten”. Then a second finger at “twenty”, etc. That way, I don’t need to count to fifty, just ten, five times. Capisci?

4) Later in the week, if you can get to 100, go for it. You can do it. Let’s all try.

5) Please share the Chew-a-thon with everyone you know. Please post your successes, and challenges, as you chew along. Tell us how you’re feeling to motivate us all!

When posting about it, please tag me in your post, so it shows up on my wall, and everyone can see it if they choose to. My wall will be Chew-a-thon Central. (SEARCH FACEBOOK “JESSICA PORTER SANTA MONICA” TO FOLLOW ME PERSONALLY) Let’s experience the benefits of mastication and share it with EVERYONE!! Pictures of Chewers are welcome, but no mouth-full-of-chewed-food shots, please

We can also share on Twitter with the hashtag #Chewathon. I will be checking in every couple of hours to hear from Chewers from around the world.

In the publishing industry, this time of year is known as “New Year, New You”, because it is when all the diet books come out. Everyone wants to purge the excesses of the holiday season, and find that perfect regime, that one can FINALLY stick to… This will be the year!

What I love about macrobiotics is that–since I made my leisurely transition to a grain and vegetable-centered diet–I don’t have to think that way anymore. Sure, my eating goes a little wonky over the holidays, but that’s just life. And on January 1st, I happily fall back into the sane and simple way of eating that has served me for over twenty years now. My body literally demands that I do it, as opposed to my will trying to force me to. It’s not a “new year, new me”; instead, it’s more like “new meal, new me” because I feel a wonderful renewal of body, mind and spirit with every macrobiotic meal I eat.

I. LOVE. THAT.

Oh yeah, The MILF Diet came out yesterday. I’m very excited about it. Please check it out. And if you enjoy it, please spread the word…

I’m currently in Toronto for the holiday. I can’t tell you how pleased I was to see my new book on sale in a huge Canadian bookstore, smack at the foot of the main staircase. VERY EXCITING.

I am also happy to announce that Amazon.com is shipping The MILF Diet prior to its official January 1st launch date.

Right now you can order your own copy at a very reasonable 45% off list price! I don’t know how long it will be at that price, so I strongly suggest ordering yours ASAP. (http://www.amazon.com/The-MILF-Diet-Transform-Deliciously/dp/1451655681)

If you pre-ordered one, you should be receiving it shortly… please let me know what you think.

Your positive review posted on Amazon will help get The MILF Diet message to others who will benefit from this power-packed book.

Thank you so much for all your support and well wishes this year as I anticipated the launch of The MILF Diet. You have all played a huge role in bringing this project to fruition, and I’m very grateful to each of you.

Remember Bonne Bell Lipsmackers? O. M. G. I absolutely lived at the local drug store, ogling all the colors and smelling all the testers of those big, fat lip glosses. They had ridiculously fun and lip-smacking flavors, like root beer, and watermelon. They were my first exposure to make-up, perfect for an 11 or 12 year old girl being initiated into the world of maquillage.

Well, get ready for the vegan, paraben-free, petroleum-free, cruelty-free, organic, and beeswax-free version.

My friend Jane Graves is an absolute firecracker of a woman:

An actress and former athlete, she started a company called LADY BUG JANE that makes lip glosses (called FLAVOR BALMS) that make me feel like a happy little ‘tween. They come in flavors like Caramel Popcorn, Vanilla Cupcake and Bubble Gum, all sweetened with stevia. She gave me two of them, which I used for a couple of months, only to order five more online. They make excellent Christmas gifts for eco-conscious ladies who want shiny, sexy and sweet-smelling lips, or nieces, daughters or goddaughters eager to enter the world of make-up, without going overboard.

“MILFiness is all about balance. By staying balanced, MILFs are healthier, sexier and have more fun.

Your body is constantly finding balance for you. By pumping your heart, exhaling toxic gases and keeping your blood at a proper pH, you maintain a delicate balance called homeostasis. This system can handle a remarkable number of twists and turns on the road of your existence, adapting to stress, challenges and the trillions of mindblowing shifts that happen every second on a cellular level. This internal balancing act is one of the great miracles of life.

And balance isn’t just happening inside of you; you are a product of a vast network of organic systems all striking their natural balances; they include the soil, the oceans, vegetation, the atmosphere and space itself. So naturally your inner world seeks to balance with the outer world; you relax into sunlight and shiver when it’s cold. You experience teenage joy in the spring and mature melancholy in the fall. You give love to your family and receive it back from them in kind. That’s healthy. You are meant to harmonize with the bigger systems of nature. You are meant to feel connected to all of life.”

But I kept trying. And the next day it happened. By the end of my bowl of rice and roasted winter vegetables, I had made it to 36.

And something else happened, or should I say, didn’t happen.

I didn’t crave a dessert after my meal.
I didn’t dread going to bed for fear I would lay there trying to decide whether or not to make a big pot of pasta, or go get the Ben and Jerry’s… or the peanut butter.

You see, I’ve been a binge eater all my life.
I’ve bitten my finger shoving food into my mouth.
I used to finish my father’s Big Macs, after eating my own.
I used to beg for sugar.
Beg.
I’ve gone out in lousy weather, in bad neighborhoods, at ungodly hours to go get something to eat.

So since dedicating myself to chewing my food thoroughly ‘til everything becomes a slightly sweet liquid, those late night tremors, that sheer hell of climbing the walls trying to feed that animal inside…

Well it just doesn’t happen.
And it hasn’t happened for the last several weeks.
I just chew.
and I’m up to 60.

I. Feel. AMAZING.
Chew your food.
Grain is good, but if you can’t do that just yet, hell, just chew your food. Start somewhere.

By switching from animal food to plant protein, you are slowly re-building your entire body with new materials. It’s like moving from a concrete house to a lovely wooden one. It may feel uncomfortable for a bit… that’s why I encourage some transitional hybrid-esque dishes for a while… but you are undergoing a complete overhaul, on a cellular level. Remember, we are what we eat. If you have eaten animal food for all of your life, you are MADE of animals. Your bones, and muscles and organs and sinew contain the energy, the density and the twitchiness of animals.

By beginning a plant-based regime, you will, slowly but surely, be made of plants. That’s a very different experience on the planet. When I traded in flesh for plants, I started to “think” more like a plant. The metaphors I used became about being rooted, blooming, fertilizing, and growth. I started to actually relate to plants more… walking through the woods was a visceral experience that resonated with me on a cellular level—as if I was a part of it, a product of it. I no longer felt like I wanted to “attack” a hike. Nor do I ever want to “tear into” a person. If anything, and I know this will sound corny, I feel like my loved ones and I are all flowers in a garden and we have the privilege to support one another and enjoy each other’s blooming. I really feel that. It’s a very peaceful and pleasant way of experiencing life. Goofy as it sounds, I am made of plants!

If you have a hard time connecting with your sensitivity and inner softness, this diet will help you stop and smell the roses. If you give endlessly and feel like you’re disappearing, MILFy foods will help you re-discover that line between yourself and others, and you will begin to dance it happily. Nature is continually seeking balance; you should be too.

Most exciting, the MILF Diet will help you align with your birthright of profound feminine energy. It will strengthen and support you on every level, showing you new depths and facets of yourself. If you decide to cook MILFier foods for your family, you will begin to appreciate this magic from a yet another angle; by nourishing your brood with natural food, you will begin to wield an ancient womanly power. You will begin to create a stronger, saner and happier world.

But don’t worry. The MILF diet won’t render you Birkenstocked (unless that’s your thing), nor will you grow your hair too long with a bad case of the frizzies. By re-aligning with this energy, you will become more beautiful, powerful and ridiculously alive than you’ve ever been. You will be sexy on a level that our culture doesn’t even have words for yet, although ‘MILF’ is getting warm. And finally, by eating this way, you will start to turn back the clock; your skin will glow, you will drop pounds effortlessly and you will have the energy of a teenager. Instead of Father Time having his way with you, you will turn on your stiletto and deliver him a saucy little slap in the face.