The theory of pain

Pain is like energy. Energy can never be destroyed, just transfered. When electricity is put into a light blub the energy is transfered to light and heat. But it's never destroyed. Pain is like that. Say, a man has a bad childhood, he can't express his anger properly so he takes it out on his girlfriend by hitting her, she gets so depressed by this that she ends up killing herself, leaving a little sister behind who grows up depressed cos of this, she has a kid too young, who has a bad childhood... That's far too simplified. But it never ends, pain just goes on and on, no matter how we try to stop it. Ending my own pain causes pain to others, even just talking about it. The only way to end it, to end the cycle, is to internalise it. Bury it deep and make it end with me.

True, energy can never be destroyed, just transfered, but consider fire, if we control it properly it warms us up when we are cold, however if we let it get out of control it can burn our house down. There's been a lot of shit in my life, I don't want to bury it though, I want to make sure that something good results because of it. I dunno whether it will or how long it will take, but that's my goal anyway.

It becomes a cycle of life. You are alerted by the flash of pain, snapping out of your gloom and going into survival mode where suppressed energy is acted out. We can only deem it as good or bad afterwards, as our vision is blurred when we're in the midst of it.

In many ways it mirrors Sysiphus rolling his rock up the cliff. I often prefer chaos to nothing at all, as long as something is "happening." Repetitive, mechanistic nothingness is a far worse enemy than the comforting flash of pain. Adrenalin, endorphin, serotonin... whether it is through drugs, violence or self-inflicted harm it fills the void, re-entering energy into an empty vessel.

As you said, Malcontent, the urge (or force) can be altered/transformered, never erased.

Pain is like energy. Energy can never be destroyed, just transfered. When electricity is put into a light blub the energy is transfered to light and heat. But it's never destroyed. Pain is like that. Say, a man has a bad childhood, he can't express his anger properly so he takes it out on his girlfriend by hitting her, she gets so depressed by this that she ends up killing herself, leaving a little sister behind who grows up depressed cos of this, she has a kid too young, who has a bad childhood... That's far too simplified. But it never ends, pain just goes on and on, no matter how we try to stop it. Ending my own pain causes pain to others, even just talking about it. The only way to end it, to end the cycle, is to internalise it. Bury it deep and make it end with me.