Motherhood Meets Mastectomies

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No More Nips?

One of my biggest parenting challenges has been easing the wee ones off the nipples; whether it was my own, the bottle’s or the binky’s. When the big girl was 13.5 months old, I successfully got her off my boobs. Since she wasn’t bottle fed, the next step was to rid her of the pacifier. That sucked, but we got it done. Now that the little one has been on the bottle since she was 6 months old, we are way overdue to wean her. I think it’s a general rule of thumb to get your baby off of a bottle when they can start to have milk at one year old, but I had tons of excuses lined up to avoid it. I had the double mastectomy a month after her first birthday. Then it was the holiday season and the craziness that comes with it, then family vacation, my next surgery, her surgery, and lastly, our “grown up” vacation.

So last week, I bit the bullet. My husband broke a wine glass while unloading the dishwasher and we made a big to-do out of cleaning every facet of each surface in the kitchen. We were afraid a shard or two may have gotten in or around her clean bottles drying on the counter, so we told her we had to get rid of all of the bottles. She was pissed when she couldn’t have her bottle in the afternoon or to fall asleep at night. She wasn’t thrilled in the following days either, but she is getting used it and tells everyone that her “baba’s broken”.I’m always shocked at how adaptable kids are. I stress over every change I make to their routines and I’m always pleasantly surprised at how they handle it and how quickly they get used to something new. I shock myself sometimes, too, in the same regard. You’d think that my own lack of nipples would have had more of an effect on me after having them for the 30 years prior. Yet, I find myself debating whether or not I should get new nipples at all. I’m already so accustomed to not having them. I never have to worry about them inappropriately making an appearance, but then again, I don’t fill out the tips of my bras.

No matter what I decide, my boobs will not look normal with these proud battle scars that run through their centers. I’m perfectly fine with that. So why add a decorative nipple? It won’t serve a purpose. It won’t feed a child or offer me any sensation. It might, instead, embarrass me or limit what I’m finally able to wear. I’m rarely one to take the path less taken, but in this instance, I just can’t decide if I want to replace the missing part. It won’t make me whole again, because I don’t feel broken.