As I poured coffee for a zillion customers at the fundraiser brunch this morning, I flashed a toothy smile that I hoped would encourage large tips and said "Happy Easter" more times than I can count.

As the last of the tables were being cleared, someone mentioned to me that the pastor's message of the day had been that Easter isn't so much about "happiness."

Easter is a jumbled and mixed up bunch of feelings of dark and light, incredible hardship and amazing renewal~ kind of like real life. She suggested that wishing a "Joyful Easter" would be more appropriate because while "happy" is on the surface, "joy" runs deep.

In theory, I agree, although "Joyful Easter" just doesn't roll off the tongue so easily. Still, I get it and can relate.

In the weeks that have led up to Easter, I've had to work hard for the things that make me smile because life has been throwing a whole lotta heavy stuff at me at once. It's exhausting keeping up with the work of trying to cling to the joyful things when you're also dealing with stupid drama and the painful side of people and life.

Things like driving van loads of volunteering teenagers 800 miles to do construction work in a homeless village or getting up early to bake scones and serve coffee at a fundraising brunch with these same young people...these things require a good deal of caffeine in the best of times.

But, they also make me smile both inside and out, no matter what else is going on in the world.

So I still think it makes sense to do them as long as I can, even if I'm so tired I could cry ~ because if I let go of the good stuff, then I'm just left holding the cr@p....

Riding Into the Sunset~ Pamela Jorrick~ 2014

On the subject of good stuff and lameness, Easter Sunday also wraps up the Lenten season. Not to let my inner mean girl fly free, but I completely freaking failed at my attempts of keeping Lent this year, and I did it in a more spectacular way than I ever recall having done.

It's interesting, because this year I was trying something different~ instead of giving something up like I usually do, I was hoping to add something~ stretching each morning with prayer, gratitude, meditation.

The theory seemed sound~ it would be good for me spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically~ an all around positive growth thing.

But in reality, I totally blew it. Like I *maybe* actually started my day off correctly a total of 7 days out of 40.

Seeing my sad and unenthusiastic attempts in writing looks awful. Pathetic even. Even if I was looking at those numbers in terms of someone other than myself, I'd still probably be thinking "Geez Lady....What the heck happened?"

I could (and did start to) get all psychoanalytical about the reasons I find it easier to give up something I like than to add in something I know would be really good for me. It could be some deep seeded self issue I have... or maybe I was just too overwhelmed with other stuff and had no real human accountability so I slacked...

Who knows? But overthinking it is just increasing my fatigue, so instead I'm just sticking with whole Easter theme of starting over.

It's a new day, a new season~ life goes on, and sorrow is followed by joy.

What really sounds joyful to me right now is a good stretch followed by a meditative nap. And then maybe a margarita to enjoy while I count the blessings around me~ starting with the 2 awesome teenagers that live here with me and the leftover scones from brunch.