Overly Suspicious or Under Informed?

BY KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR Annie's Mailbox

Published 2:17 am, Tuesday, February 10, 2015

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Overly Suspicious or Under Informed?

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DEAR ANNIE: I have been married to my husband for 10 years. A couple of years ago, I started conversing via Facebook with "Kevin," whom I have known since grade school. We briefly dated in high school, but I broke up with him.

A mutual friend passed away, and I called Kevin a few times to offer support. We spoke about the old days and our fellow schoolmates. I also shared photographs of myself and my home and a few personal thoughts. Kevin gave me constant compliments.

My husband found the text messages and pictures on my phone. There was nothing flirtatious, although Kevin had mentioned that his girlfriend only made time for sex when he was flush with cash.

My husband has blown the whole thing out of proportion and has accused me of cheating. He made a similar accusation when I went to visit my mother back home. He says it's cheating if a woman talks to another man on the phone when her husband isn't home. I don't feel as though I cheated in any form, but now all my husband does is accuse me.

I didn't want Kevin when I was younger, and I don't want him now. I just want to be friends and talk to him now and then. Can you help? -- Ever Faithful

DEAR FAITHFUL: Your husband seems overly suspicious, but part of the problem is that you were talking to Kevin without his knowledge, and this seemed secretive. If you have nothing to hide, your husband should know when you are talking to Kevin. You should willingly show him all texts, emails and Facebook messages. Right now, we suggest you limit contact with Kevin because he is a sore subject to your husband. Assure your husband that you will be more open, so he has less reason to worry. Include him in all conversations with male friends, and ask him to do the same with his female friends. But if he continues to accuse you, there is more going on, and it's time to get professional counseling.

DEAR ANNIE: I have a good friend whose company I enjoy immensely. But when we go out to lunch or dinner, he never washes his hands. I've mentioned to him that washing his hands prior to eating protects him from picking up germs (even E. coli). Instead, he tells me that not washing his hands builds up resistance to germs. Am I being germaphobic, or is he being irresponsible? - Germ-Free

DEAR GERM-FREE: Hands should be thoroughly washed before eating and after using the bathroom. Germs from unwashed hands can be transferred to other objects, such as dining room tables, and are then transferred to another person's hands. Such transferable germs can cause diarrhea and respiratory illnesses, which are common consequences of not washing one's hands. Whether or not it boosts his immunity is highly debatable, but it certainly puts others at risk.

Even if your friend remains healthy, he could easily transfer those germs to you or to anyone who uses the table when he is finished. Out of consideration for your health, ask him to wash his hands before eating. Otherwise, we recommend you stop joining him for meals.

DEAR ANNIE: I would like to respond to "A Nonsmoker," who complained about the smell of smokers.

I take public transport every day, and some people don't use deodorant, and others suffer from halitosis. So to Nonsmoker, who obviously smells like roses, we are not perfect. I have been trying to quit smoking for a year, so gimme a break. Go smell yourself. -- Montreal