Brexit and Mediation

It was an interesting moment when I received the early morning call a few weeks ago from the Danny Pike show on BBC Radio Sussex/Surrey asking whether I would be interested in taking part in a show about whether mediation might be a useful intervention in the Brexit process.

Having agreed to take part, I then discovered that the producers had come up with an interesting angle to have a live discussion between a leave voter and a remain voter, with the mediator attempting to help them to find a mutually agreeable way forwards.

Putting aside the initial thought that I could easily be walking into a very difficult situation on live radio, I thought that this sounded like quite an intriguing program to take part in and, a few days later, it took place.

Having had time to reflect on the experience,I felt that it might be helpful to summarise the key points that I learned from this process.

How the mediation process could have helped Brexit negotiations

My first thought is that it is clear that, right from the beginning, there was a missed opportunity to involve mediators in the negotiations between the UK and the EU. The mediation process or having a mediator, or in this case a team of mediators given the complexities and the number of parties involved, could have helped to keep the discussions moving forwards and avoided the risk that entrenched positions would be formed that would then lead to a breakdown in communication.

It is equally clear that, once again right from the beginning, mediators could have been used to help to start the discussions between the various parties in the UK. It is a great shame that the substantive discussions only really started once the deadline was looming, with this creating an artificial timeline and a pressure-cooker environment, having had years of gradually increasing acrimony to deal with since the referendum, and it was hardly surprising that these talks have, to date, been unable to yield any agreed way forwards.

The end result is that we now find ourselves with an increasingly divided country, at every level from political parties to families and friends. This polarisation was very apparent within the radio program, with it being clear that both the leave and remain voters were intelligent and reasonable people but that they had found themselves on different sides of an ever-expanding abyss within the political discourse.

The outcome of the discussion (the mediation)

Unsurprisingly, it was not possible to make giant leaps of progress within the 15 minutes allocated for the program but I do feel that some seeds were sown within the discussion, with both callers able to empathise to a certain extent with the other person’s position and to see that they probably had a lot more common ground between them than they might have initially thought, whether this be with reference to trying to improve the country’s economy or protecting the environment.

They were also both open to meeting properly to try to find some more common ground and, as I explained on the program, there would need to be a recognition that any genuine attempts to try to resolve such an entrenched dispute would require a number of meetings over an extended period of time, probably at least several months.

Correlation between Brexit conflict and discussion with divorce dynamics

From a family mediator’s point of view, what is really interesting about all of these points is that they correspond almost exactly to the dynamic involved in a divorce situation, especially one where there is a reasonably high level of acrimony. Not only does this reinforce my sense that Brexit is essentially a divorce but it also confirms to me that the failure of the various parties involved to recognise this much earlier on, and to then take appropriate steps including entering some form a mediation, has left everyone suffering the effects of a high-conflict divorce that has no end in sight and, in the case of Brexit, that does not have the normal fallback of making a court application which divorcing couples would normally be able to consider as a last resort.

I hope that you find these musings thought-provoking, both with reference to the various Brexit negotiations and in terms of how mediation should always be considered in any type of divorce or separation, whether this be between nations, companies or individuals.

Find helpful guidance on family mediation and divorce

Please contact me to find out more about the mediation process and to arrange your individual meeting to discuss your situation on a confidential basis.

“I would like to thank you for your time on Saturday at the mediation session. I found the session very helpful and I believe you went through all of the information, protocols and possible routes with respect to separation / divorce, children and finances, in a very professional and clear manner.”

Mr S

“In our particular case, we had already agreed that a straight forward split of assets was fair and sensible, with additional consideration / provision of child maintenance in line with the law and fair spousal maintenance based on agreed need. Mediation was helpful in that rather than using two separate lawyers who would by definition and at enormous expense to both parties, drive the “best deal” for their individual client, mediation provided a single point of arbitration to ensure both parties were not being unreasonable or in a positive sense, acting as a single person to assess reasonableness for both parties. Whilst not wishing to make disparaging remarks about the legal profession, an individual lawyer representing an individual client has only the interests of billable hours and their client in mind, at the expense of the third party and ultimately in effect, their client (the “pot” to share much reduced as it is turned into legal fees) – a very poor way to settle a dispute where only the lawyers ultimately win. In our case, even having delivered a mediated agreement, individual lawyers still managed to make seemingly huge charges for what appeared to be a cut and paste exercise from mediated settlement onto standard court forms. I appreciate that the courts wish to see that both parties are individually represented however feel sorry about my experience with lawyer (bad) compared with experience of mediator (good) in what is a very difficult time.”

Mr H, January 2016

Euan was always calm and helped diffuse awkward and potentially very stressful discussions. My husband and I could speak together with an independent person present and so tempers did not flare. He helped us understand the need for compromise was able to write a Memorandum of Understanding and a financial agreement that will hopefully be less costly in the long term. I would recommend mediation as a way of building bridges with your partner so that the divorce does not become acrimonious.

Mrs T (January 2018)

“I have to say it was all handled very professionally on your part. I appreciated the contact you had with me to remind me about appointments. I also appreciated your swift response to any and all communications we had. I also appreciated how sensitive you were in dealing with the emotional side of the mediation…I would certainly recommend the process and I would of course recommend you if asked.”

Mr M

“I would like to say that your services have been outstanding.Very professional, patient,constructive, fair and equally supportive to both parties. I would be very willing to recommend your services. We are very fortunate to have found you!”

Mrs I

The truth is the Separation and divorce has been a disaster for me. Having said that I know it would have been a great deal worse had it involved separate lawyers and court proceedings. So in avoiding that fate I would like to say how grateful I am to you and the mediation process.”