All that glitters is not gold

I’ve gotten a LOT of letters, notes, and comments over the run of this arc from people saying they hoped that Marv would get to keep the Marlon Brando body. I’m kind of disappointed that no one even considered the possibility that maybe he would go on his own journey of self-discovery and realize that body image obsession is never a good way to find romance.

And while I’m here, my friend wrote a book! One of my work bros, Zack Keller (co-Creator of Dick Figures) wrote a short novel called The Success of Suexliegh! And published it! You can get it on Amazon as a $15 paperback or a $5 Kindle edition! It’s the story of a lovably inept ridiculously rich guy and his adventures in absurd wealth. And it’s getting pretty upstanding reviews so far!

That, plus that he usually receives physical violence in response to his attempts to impress women and stuff. Unless that’s also supposed to be metaphorical, this theory has fully-grown women beating the crap out of a kid. Also, Johnny wasn’t quite as stupid early on, that sort of developed as the show went on.

Don’t forget the Schoolhouse Rock episode where they guy was trying to teach him how to score and when Johnny found out that he was basically objectifying women worse than Johnny did, Johnny let the ladies at him.

There’s also the episode where he taught a lil nerdy kid to ‘be cool’ like he is so he’d attract the lil girl that is always after Johnny. As soon as the kid put on shades, he turned into a lil kid version of Johnny and had chicks hanging on him.

Pretty sure he just got held back. A couple episodes have him driving a car. And either he did a cameo on Scooby Doo or they did a cameo on his show and in it he was at the side of the road cause his car broke down.

Bingo. Having upper body girth and loving Mom is all that he has going for him, though he loves Mom a little too much. Treating women as conquest objects and being afraid of about everything is the exact opposite of manliness.

Well there was that one time a gypsy turned him into a woman… And that went fairly well. On that note: first time commenting on this comic (much rejoicing) and it made my day seeing Gannondorf as a girl. =]

Bravo survived being turned into a woman at one point (I didn’t even know I remembered this until just now, ugh, embarassing), so it’s anyone’s guess how he’d take the Nomura virus. His entire life seems to revolve around desperately trying to get women to notice him, so his reaction to it would be based on whether or not the ladies liked it.

I actually wasn’t hoping Marlo would keep his new body in particular, just that he’d be happy with whatever happened and eager to see what you would do with him. I think I prefer this as a solution! He’s just too manly to leave like this.

Yeah I’d love to see the scotsman that cartoon was awesome they never actually finished it, they just put a bunch of possible endings. My brother has the DVD box set I think, but you have to remember the scotsman’s wife is the one that wears the pants in their family.

I’m just glad the commander is back to normal his kids will be happy too.

I’m still hoping for a guest appearance by Hoss Delgado. Commander Badass and the Hoss Man! Yeehah!
Paraphrased Quote of the Day:
Xena: I still remember my mother telling me the stories of all the greek gods…
Ares: Bet she never thought you’d wind up killing off most of them, did she?

By the way, I’ve followed this strip for ages, last week was the first time I’ve commented… and I forgot to say THIS IS AMAZING STUFF!!! All my love and respect to Coelasquid for rocking it week after week!!!

I usually don’t bother on leaving comments, because i believe you already have enough ass-lickers around, but god damn girl! I should’ve seen that one coming miles away, but no. You totally awesomelly surprised me! Awesome! :)

In all fairness, Marv didn’t seem open enough to have any real epiphanies that didn’t include ‘dames are jerks no matter how I look’. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy he met somebody with a bad enough attitude and line to at least shake his belief in the power of pretty-boys a bit. But it still didn’t seem likely to happen.

Yeah but how did they sort the blood out so it went to the right people? Or is it just some kind of magical manly blood soup so they’re all running around with enhanced space marine/Q’nari/Gerudo/human/eldritch abomination/a/b/o/xyz blood?

Oh, no, they didn’t put it back in the “right people”. Canadian Guy just has O- blood.

“But then,” you might ask, “how would he have survived having all those different blood types in his body at once?”

Healthcare.

He comes back with his body bloated with medicated blood, hooks up to an IV, clears out an amount of blood roughly equal to what he took in, and everyone takes turns doing a kegstand with the IV when it’s over. (Or they just get it injected, but that’s more boring and won’t risk having the Commander sparkle later.)

Well, like those cartoons, Johnny is also extremely exaggerated. You don’t see cats carrying bowling balls around and you don’t see people like that saying the kind of over-the-top meant to be purely humorous stuff that he always says. So yes. Cartoon logic all around. ;)

Maybe the possibility of character development later on? However, if Johnny ever gained some perspective, the joke and the whole premise of the show would fall apart. So, it’s probably unlikely that the preference would ever be explored. However, I really would like to see that play out because Johnny does have his good points and it would be interesting to see how he would deal with his world view being so radically challenged.

Your comment makes me come up a theory that Jonny himself on some level, I’d bet his Superego and his Id, are fully aware how messed up his own Ego is and how much it rules without question. So the two side’s of Brovo’s pyschic are trying their hardest to hook Jonny up with someone that’ll help make him a better man… And if he fails in this woman quest, the Id and Superego are hoping Jonny might start to wonder why he keeps failing so badly… And look in on himself and start to better himself to get a girl.

It makes me sad that students are not required to read Shakespear, the amount of english phrases and words that he invented that are used now is ridiculous. Then again, I was the kid in middle school carrying around a 30 pound book bag with works discussing stuff like theoretical time travel based on Einsteins work.

Love the ending to this, I have been following each comic with great excitement. I didn’t expect Marv’s journey as part of the ending to this, I kind of was expecting Jarred got a side effect from the cure and turned into muscle man.

You know, I had never even considered the possibility that Marv wouldn’t change back. I figured he would either find he’s no different and come to accept his appearance, or he would change back and be all broody and angsty because he wasn’t able to keep the new look.

Now there’s a person who needs to be Nomura’d. Johnny, to me, always came off as a Jerk with a Heart of Aluminum, trying to do the right thing, but after being a total ass about it, always letting his ego get out of hand, and never learning his lessons.

Who cares about Commander? Jared’s got his beard back!
Y’all know how long he’s been working on that!

…Anyone? Eh? Bueller?

When we were still working under the assumption that the Nomura Virus was like a vampire epidemic, I figured that when Marv changed back he would either end up even more completely depressed (which doesn’t seem like a route you’d take) or go through some wonderful character development. I guess I completely forgot about that when the option for him to stay as Marv-lon Brando came up.

So now we just need to find out what happened to Nier, and a vague, ominous post-credits scene with Gackt reporting back to Commander’s superiors.

Yeah, you’re right. When I saw Canada Guy all de-nomura’d a while back I kind of expected him to reveal that he’s Wolverine… come to think about it, this would be just as awesome. “Canada Guy, why are you all right?” *SNIKT* “I dunno. Healing Factor?”

Americans are disgustingly obsessed about paying for someone else’s way, even if that means that said person (or persons) might die otherwise. I see things every day on my facebook about food stamps and welfare programs that are so ignorant and mean spirited and I know the only reason why they post them is the mistaken idea that even when someone else has “your money” it’s still “your money.” Much like taxes, which once they become taxes become OUR (collective) money.

In this way, I’m very jealous of Canadians and their comparatively generous nature.

But you know, more often than not it’s pretty on the ball. After going through the American ER system and sleeping on the floor for two days to wait for them to get my boyfriend’s discharge papers, I can’t exactly say they keep things terribly efficient down here. Sometimes you end up with an inconvenient wait for surgery in Canada, but not nearly as often as Americans would like to pretend with all their talk of imaginary “death panels”. And even if it is getting put off, usually you just have to bother the doctors to get bumped up on the list.

Things tend to work more smoothly when you’re completely one way or the other. Though, government control tends to have drawbacks like long wait times, unseen expensive costs, and bureaucratic control. Fully free market has problems with poor people not getting hospital care. That’s mostly taken care of by charity, but people will still slip through the cracks.

I guess the takeaway here should be that no system is perfect, but the idiots in congress sure know how to make the most imperfect system possible.

And so Johnny gets rejected, walks outside, bumps into Velma Dinkley and a great love story is born.

Rather happy to see Johnny in the comic, but I agree that Samurai Jack or the Scot needs to make an appearance if you’re including Cartoon Network types. Though Johnny has a lot going for him. Manly, studly, indestructible, that golden hair that needs gel or it goes crazy… yeah, Johnny is a super saiyan. We all know it. Unknown father, hides his eyes with sunglasses, super speed, etc.

The ENTIRE REASON for this agency is to help macho guys, like Johnny Bravo, fit into society. So what if Johnny is a bit of a jerk? Commander Badass has had to deal with and try to rehabilitate mass-murderers.

I can see how all this would have played out for Marv. Yeah, he was super excited at first, due to his earlier poor self image (and that he couldn’t seem to comprehend anything to the contrary of his negative self view) Once he got Nomura’d, he had the instant “my wish came true!” reaction one would expect. After a couple of days where he wasn’t worrying about his image, and feeling more confident, he was able to look back with more clarity (hindsight being 20/20, and all that) Seeing J.B. was the act that brought him full circle, where he could see this confident, pretty-boy who none of the ladies would give the time of day (which was his “ugly” unconfident problem, gasp!) hence the further looking back, and looking deeper. With this new clarity in thought, I think Marv will be able to accept having his Brando-esqu looks, and hopefully retain his new confidence, and keep that same, lovable bruiser personality.

I remember commenting on the thing about Marv early on. Having read/watched SIn City when I was rather young, and based on his previous appearances in this webcomic, I’m actually kinda surprised that it came to this, but really, I was surprised by how he was depicted to begin with.

I didn’t think Marv ever had serious body image issues. Definitely self-esteem problems, but more about his intellect than about his looks. Granted, there’s the part where he couldn’t even buy sex if he wanted to because everyone in Old Town was terrified of the sight of him, but he never really dwelt on that for long. Meanwhile, he prefaces a monologue with an acknowledgment that he’s not smart, and proceeds to unravel half the story’s plot in his head.

I suppose in parodying his character design it’d be easier to make him obviously insecure about his appearance than it would be to bring in anything more complex, and this is a clever way to bring him back to the status quo. That said, I never really thought Marv to be the type to brood about attraction anyway. If anything, I’d expect him to be constantly getting friendzoned (I can’t believe I just used that word) by girls who think he’s pretty cool but are scared to death by him.

All right, I’ll take that. It’s not the first thing I think of when I think of Marv. Then again, that might be biased by the part where I first read/watched Sin City when I was, like… Twelve. Priorities.

That has to be the coolest interpretation of Johnny Bravo I’ve ever seen. He is SO HARD to draw in other styles. I’m also extremely glad to see the Commander back to normal. Great job man, I hope you and your bf are recovering well!

Ah Johnny, I was wondering if you would appear. You’re in the limbo between Manly and “Manly”. You have moments of complete awesomeness, you love your mom and can be sweet… but you’re a complete and utter idiot who is vain and doesn’t get that women don’t like your pickup lines… or you.

I love how I had no idea who the blond dude was and it didn’t matter because the joke was still just as funny. (I went and looked it up anyway but still.)

I know I’m being just as shallow as anyone else for saying this, and totally missing the point of the entire arc, but hot damn, Commander, it is good to have you back and also displaying body hair so well drawn that I want to rub my cheek on it.

Holy shit its johnny freakin bravo. One of the guys in my dojo is goin as him for haloween. well he doesn’t know it just yet.. but man its good to finally see the commander back to his regular self, felt like that arc lasted forever.

Great arc, and congrats on having survived it! I’m okay with Marv staying as you made him. Self image isn’t just about accepting how one looks, it’s also about taking control over one’s looks. In his case it’s not quite that though…

I wanted Marv to have a side story in which he learns a lesson about getting what you think you want. Looking like that a lot of how people treat him would change, and not all for the better. He would have to learn new ways to deal with people, as looking like this, he won’t be able to intimidate people to nearly the same extent.

What the deal with their cloths. I thought it changed the Commander’s, but here they are back to normal, did the blood do that? Or does he have a spare set? If he has a spare, what became of the other ones?

I can’t read the rest of this comic because I’m too busy being blinded by the Commander’s happy trail. It’s practically the next evolutionary stage of happy trailitude. It’s like…a happy highway. God damn.

‘Now see, I can’t really picture Jack showing up. Yeah he’s got the loyalty and honor down, but he isn’t that manly. Sure, he’s taken down countless robots and monsters, but he doesn’t look like he would fit in with the rest of the Manly Guys cast.

Have you not seen any of the episodes where he is shirtless? I seem to recall there being some sort of minimal pectoral girth requirements for the temp agency but if Hannibal got in I’m sure Jack would too