Jessica Chastain May Not Have An Oscar, But She Does Have A Rich Italian Man Friend

Firstly, can we all just take a moment to marvel at how glorious Jessica Chastain looked at The Oscars last night? Girl may not have taken home a statue, but damn. DAMN. Probably the only lady there who could pull off that golden-nude-ish coloring of that gown with such a red lip, and she made it look chic and effortless at the same time. Even though it probably took several hours, the opinions of four humans, and a makeover conveyer belt taking her through all the stations — hair, nails, makeup, power-washing, polishing, buffering, sanding, patting dry — to get her walking out the door looking like that many dollars, I’m still very impressed.

Speaking of dollars, Jessica’s boyfriend has a few of those things. Oh I’m sorry, did I not mention? Jessica has been secretly dating Italian viscount and billionaire Gian Luca Passi De Preposulo since June, when they met at a fashion show. He’s also an expert winemaker, either has been or is now a fashion executive for Armani, is close friends with George Clooney and Leonardo DiCaprio, annnnd that’s a picture of him above. So those are his abs and his pecs and his face and his brain knows how to make wine and dress fashionably and his hands hold billions of dollars and also a certain Hollywood redhead. I’m. Jealous. I was all ready to have this big opinion of how Jessica should’ve won the Academy Award over Jennifer Lawrence, but if this is her consolation prize, I think she’ll be okay. She’ll be so okay that she’s actually planning on taking a brief break from Hollywood while she and Gian Luca vacation in Italy.

Welp, that’s what you get, America! Hand Jessica Chastain a lemon in the form of an Oscar snub, and she’ll make delicious, tanned, rich, attractive Italian lemonade out of it. Sorry, Tom Hiddleston. Guess that was just a rumor after all.