After Parkland, Turning Trauma Into Change

Samantha Fuentes, 18, was hit by gunfire from an AR-15 rifle at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School last month. Onstage, she’s helping to lead a national conversation about gun control. Behind the scenes, she’s reeling from mental and physical trauma.

“— our future. I say, get your résumés ready.” My name is Samantha Fuentes and I am a survivor of the Stoneman Douglas school shooting. “It’s as if we need permission to ask our friends not to die! Lawmakers and politicians will scream, ‘Guns are not the issue,’ but can’t look me in the eye. [sputtering] I just threw up on international television, and it feels great!” [cheering] You don’t see us when we get offstage. You don’t see us when the cameras turn off. You don’t see when you have panic attacks or when you cry, and you cry, and you can’t stop crying. “You all right?” [sobbing] [yelling] “Yeah, Sam!” “Thank you so much.” “Woo!” When I got shot, the bullet was deferred into a wall first, before hitting me, and then broke apart. So I have pieces of metal in my face. And like, I can stick my finger on the top of my lip and feel a piece of metal. And that alone — that’s not normal. Like, there’s nothing normal about having metal in your face, unless it’s braces. When I got to D.C., I really didn’t know what to expect. “D.C.’s honestly really pretty. I wish I could appreciate it more, but I can’t.” I feel like sometimes I’m not the right person, or maybe this isn’t my job. Or maybe, as an 18-year-old, like, this isn’t the path that I was supposed to take. “This is for MSNBC.” “We have another 14.” “I can move, also.” “We can move somewhere else.” “I’m just not ready for this. I’m sorry.” “It’s O.K.” “I’m sorry.” “Yeah, we’re going somewhere else.” “O.K., cool.” “These are some of the families from Parkland.” “Hi, I’m Josh.” “Oh. No, no, it’s fine.” Ever since the shooting, I have been suffering from PTSD. You don’t really think you notice it at first, until, like, something sets you off. Sometimes when someone beeps their horn or they slam their door, or if someone, like, sneezes too loudly, it freaks me out. “I’m really honored to have a chance to meet with you. And you guys have really been through a lot, haven’t you?” “Yeah.” “I’d really love to just hear what’s on your mind, how you guys are doing.” “I don’t ever want someone to be in my position. I don’t ever want someone to be afraid of loud noises and afraid to go to school. And I think, out of all the people who can speak efficiently about the topic are the people who have been in front of a barrel of an AR-15.” “The voice of moral authority that you all have is just a really, really powerful voice. It’s really powerful.” Some people don’t believe that participating in a cause will ever make a difference. “So I would like to bring to the stage a poet from Stoneman Douglas, Samantha Fuentes.” And some people don’t believe that they matter. [applause] And if you’re just that one person, just speak up for yourself. Just having those ears available and having those faces to look at and to speak to is the first step. “Can my present love breach the past tense? Does loving the dead make any sense? I love you. I love you. I love you. Will you come back to this place?” I feel like I’ve been changed. Like, maybe not — like, yes, maybe physically. But like, I feel like something more is there, like, when I look at myself. Like, there is this feeling that I really can’t wrap my head around that, like, just confuses me. And like, it always happens when I look at myself in the mirror. And like, I have to realize that I’m not the same person and I had no control of that transformation. “Today is March 24, the March for Our Lives.” “Protect our schools like we do our other government establishments! And one more request — listen. [cheering] Will you give up, or is enough enough?” [cheering]

Guns & Gun Violence

After Parkland, Turning Trauma Into Change

By Neeti Upadhye, Yousur Al-Hlou and Natalie Reneau •March 26, 2018

Samantha Fuentes, 18, was hit by gunfire from an AR-15 rifle at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School last month. Onstage, she’s helping to lead a national conversation about gun control. Behind the scenes, she’s reeling from mental and physical trauma.