Couples Therapy

Should We Go To Couples Therapy?

A Guide to Deciding Whether Couples Therapy Is Right for You and Your Partner

Relationships can be a wellspring of joy, satisfaction, and meaning, as well as a source of comfort and support as we navigate life’s challenges. Much like most of what’s worth having, a good relationship takes hard work and dedication to maintain. Sometimes, despite our best efforts, it can feel like we are stuck in patterns of interactions with our partner that just don’t quite work.

It can feel scary and frustrating to admit that we’ve noticed difficulties in our partnerships. Some couples can put off seeking help from a professional until they have been unhappy together for a number of years, and even then approach the therapy process as a last resort. For many of us, the idea of Couples Therapy is daunting simply because we are not sure what Couples Therapy involves or what issues it may help us with.

We’ve put together a guide to help take the mystery out of Couples Therapy, and help you to decide whether a visit to Linsey, our Couples Psychotherapist, may be right for you.

Signs that it may be time to try Couples Therapy

Are You:

Stuck in repetitive arguments with your partner?

Avoiding certain topics (like finances or sex) for fear of arguing?

Having trouble agreeing on the best way to co-parent your children?

Missing the passion that you felt in the relationship previously and wondering how to get it back?

Considering divorce or separation?

Trying to come to terms with an affair?

Wondering how the relationship should progress? For example, considering marriage or children?

Having specific sexual problems such as pain on penetration or erection problems (can be physiological or psychological in origin)?

Feeling lonely and isolated even when you are with your partner?

When do couples come to therapy?

Couples come to therapy at various points in their lives. Linsey works with couples in their twenties to couples in their seventies and beyond. Often couples decide to explore therapy as an option following a significant life event that creates a shift in the dynamics of the relationship (for example after the birth of a child, a change in employment, after getting married or when children leave home). Couples Therapy can help both partners to explore the new dynamic of the relationship, and learn to adjust in workable ways.

Many of us have the perception that Couples Therapy is like Relationship A&E: we only consider exploring professional help when it feels like our partnership is in crisis. Often, the most beneficial time to begin working on your relationship is when you notice potential issues that may grow into larger and more complex problems. General maintenance is often easier and less burdensome than repair, and couples who visit Linsey find that their partnerships run more smoothly when they take time to discuss their concerns as they arise, rather than waiting to address them when they have grown out-of-hand.

How Might Couples Therapy Help My Relationship?

Some couples who decide to work with Linsey, our relationship therapist, find themselves in polarised positions, where each individual feels like their partner is against them. They may find that their trust in one another is undermined or eroded, or that they are more frequently engaged in arguments than they have been in the past. It could be that emotional or physical intimacy has diminished and one or both partners feel misunderstood or neglected. Couples Therapy helps to identify a middle ground; a space which facilitates respect, collaboration, and workable change.

When couples work with their therapist to establish a middle ground arguments become less repetitive, decisions become easier to make, and loneliness gives way to connection. Couples Therapy can help by creating a space where each individual can communicate their experiences, concerns, and desires in an atmosphere of trust, understanding, and warmth.

Couples Therapy helps couples to explore and discuss their thoughts and feelings in the secure knowledge that they will be heard. It allows couples identify and break patterns of reacting in the same well-worn ineffective ways to challenges, and develop new, more considered responses.