Friday, 12 February 2016

Being Single on Valentine's Day

You've completed Tinder, dated every fuckboy in a two mile radius of you, eaten your body weight in pizza and finally, adopted a cat - and now it's time to face the impending sickly soppy Facebook statuses about how amazing everybody else's boyfriends/girlfriends are while you shovel Ben and Jerry's in by the bucket load. How exciting.

There are specific times of the year that being an 'independent woman' is majorly depressing, and after the Christmas period, Valentine's tops them all. I mean, seriously, is it THAT pathetic to order the 'Feed Four For £5' deal or 'M&S 2 for £10' (and eat both portions/drink all the wine alone) whilst being a real life representation of Elle Woods in Legally Blonde after Warner leaves her? Hell no, you chow down that Veggie Supreme with a side of cookies, girl! Here's a whole bunch of reasons why you can sit smugly on Valentine's day and enjoy your night as the fabulous singleton you are!

1. Not having to shave your legs
It's cold outside, nobody has time for that.

2. Eating all of the Valentine's chocolate without having to worry about looking hot in lingerie later
Post-binge paranoia is never fun, and who actually willingly shares the caramel hearts anyway?

3. Eating both portions of food
Steak or Thai? Hmm, i'll take the both.

4. Not having to pretend to like that stuffed bear holding a tacky heart
My storage space is for shoes, not stuffed animals - it just doesn't go with my Instagram theme anyway...

5. Not having to spend your money on another person and being able to buy another pair of shoes
I don't think this really needs an explanation...

6. Not having to spend your entire day getting ready on a Sunday - because honestly who actually does that?
Messy bun and snacks vibes all day long, please!

7. Actual Netflix and Chill without the disruption of the other kind of 'Netflix and Chill'
There's nothing worse than missing that crucial scene in 'The Killing' and never getting it back...

8. Starfishing
Spooning isn't comfortable and you know it.

9. Girl's night
What could be better than cocktails and cake with the girls?