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%VIRGINITY-II 770301
The person who feels no compulsive demand to remain a
virgin until consummation of marriage, is blessed with a
freedom that many do not enjoy. Given that freedom, such a
person is able to wisely choose whether or not to remain a
virgin until consummation of marriage. This freedom of
choice is not available to those who ultimately value
virginity, or to those who in rebellion against the
presumed ultimate value of virginity compulsively initiate
premarital sexualintercourse. Those who treat virginity
as of ultimate concern are not free to save themselves
lovingly for an intended marriage partner, or to give
themselves in truelove before marriage. Those who are
enslaved to an ultimate concern about their virginity and
that of others --- have not had their fear cast out by
love, and out of fear may never come to know love. They
valuetechnical considerations more than humanrelations.
The person who is free of compulsive demands
regarding virginity is free to affirm virginity with
personalintegrity in order to share self in a special way
with a chosen partner; and also free to chose a style of
life in which no chosen partner has an exclusive claim
upon sexualrelationships. In either case the choice is
meaningful because it is made by self --- rather than as a
compulsive reaction to external forces which are
indifferent to self's will. The meaning originates in the
free choice --- not in legalism or rebellion against
legalism.
The difference between freely choosing to affirm
virginity and compulsively avoiding sexual temptation ---
is often a subtle difference which is not evident to the
person seeking to be free. The affirmation may in subtle
ways become the basis for avoiding intimacies which
themselves might lead to the mutual awareness and mutual
understanding that form the foundations for a wise
decision to marry. Should this happen the affirmation
mocks itself --- usually out of fear that creeps in
because of doubts about the ultimate importance of
virginity. Thus it is dangerous to affirm the value of
virginity in an abstract way --- for such an affirmation
may easily turn into a legalistic one on the basis of
which the pre-marital loss of virginity is a legitimate
ground for rejection and alienation which promote sin.
This creates the trap of seeking to remain a virgin for
someone who would reject you if you are not a virgin. Love
frees from that trap those who give themselves freely in
love.
(c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in
www.essayz.com Search for Integrity and Honesty
(On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)
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