Thursday, June 25, 2009

To: Amazon.com Prime Account Cancellation

My Dearest Amazon.com Prime Account,

I worry that our sultry affair might have to stop. As much as I would like to continue seeing you, purchasing from you and receiving all the benefits (!) a man could desire from you I must put my foot down and say that you are too expensive.

But please, I want my account to remain in your inner data framework, just in case I decide as a crime of the heart to return, and continue to purchase my items for the discounted amount with sensually reduced shipping costs.

Please know how upset and tormented my mind is in this decision. I know that my soul is forever innertwined (sic) with you, my Amazon.com Prime Account, but I fear our torrid love affair will have to only live on in our memories and when we close our eyes... visualizing your sweet sweet virtual shopping cart. It was you who lured me, you who made me believe in the love that can only exist between a man in power and his online vendor. It was you, my dearest Amazon.com Prime Account.

Know that you will always be in my heart... and rest assured that in my dreams I will awake arroused (sic) with the thought of your sweet sweet postage discounts against my skin.