Rewire

“Damnit!” God muttered as he paced the floor of His heavenly office. “After all I have done, they are never going to grow up and leave home!”

“Maybe you went a little too far,” the Holy Spirit said, rolling her eyes. “Why would they want to go? After all, it’s Paradise. And maybe you went overboard giving him everything to rule—telling him he is in your likeness—and then that Eve thing.”

“I know you disagreed with that. But even when he was Master of Everything he still seemed kind of lost—like a little boy. It was as if he was incomplete. I had to do something to boost him up,” God said, sighing.

Appreciate our work?

“But telling him you made her out of him instead of from me! I’m afraid he’s never going to treat her like an equal. How many times has he already said to her—“Well Eve, after all, you are just a part of me.” It’s disgusting. It’s as though he thinks he’s God!

“Oh H.S., I know you’re right. But I don’t know what to do about it. If he could just grow up and have to face the realities of life. I counted on the idea that he would rebel by now—that’s why I told him about the trees that were off limits. But he’s so righteous. All he did was build a fence around them and put up a No Trespassing sign. Where’s his sense of adventure?”

“Boss, you know he’d be happy going fishing every day. There is only one chance if you really want human beings to grow up. You’re going to have to get her to help,” Spirit said. “Otherwise you are going to have them living in your back yard until the End of Time.”

“But how can I do that? If he knows that I’ve chosen her as the hope for humanity he’ll never get over it,” God said.

“But surely he will remember that you are in charge of whatever happens—so there won’t be anyone to blame no matter how you do it,” the Holy Spirit said encouragingly.

God furrowed His brow. “Will you ask her to meet with me?”

God and Eve

“Thanks for coming, Eve. How is everything going?”

“Not too bad,” she answered, “considering.”

God smiled sheepishly, “Listen, I know you aren’t too happy with me lying to Adam about how you were created.”

“That rib story has made him insufferable. He goes around chuckling about my inferiority; telling me what to do; naming things; looking for someone to fight; and peeing to mark his territory, which is everywhere. I just wish you hadn’t asked me to keep it a secret that I was created from the Holy Spirit.”

“I’m sorry about that. Don’t worry. I’m going to completely erase from your memory the fact that you were created from the Divine Feminine.”

“That’s not fair! Why not just tell him the truth and even things out between us?” Eve exclaimed.

“I just don’t think he can take it. Let’s give him a little time to grow out of this narcissistic phase. But at least if you don’t remember that you are as divine as he is you won’t be so frustrated.”

“Maybe that will make it easier to take. But I still won’t appreciate the way he treats me.”

“His first wife, Lilith, had the same complaint. But I didn’t want him to be alone. When she left I tried again with you. I thought that being part of the Holy Spirit might give you the patience to deal with him.”

“I’d say I have more patience than he deserves. I like Adam well enough—I mean he’s a nice guy. We just don’t have much in common.”

“I understand. But you know I just can’t stay mad at him,” God smiled.

“I’ve noticed. What did you want to talk about anyway?”

“I need to get you humans to get out of this garden so you can start begetting the human race.”

“I have been telling Adam for months that it doesn’t work to live with in-laws. But I can’t get him to listen. He’s really happy here.”

“The truth is that I was counting on a little teen aged rebellion by now—you know, detaching from the parent? But that’s not happening so I have been trying to figure out another way to get you two out of Paradise. Remember those trees I told Adam not to touch?”

“Omigod, he tells me every day! Don’t eat that fruit. And he has even gone so far as to…”

“…put up fences, I know,” God said.

“I don’t mean to complain, but it is getting a little boring around here. I want to make a difference in the world. There’s nothing for me to do,” Eve moaned.

“I think I can change that. I’ve got a plan. How do you feel about snakes?”