Entries From Wednesday, April 22, 2009

6 Entries on This Page

In 1014, George founded the Kingdom of Northeast Georgia, and became King George I (known affectionately as iKing). Beginning in October of that year iKing George commenced an insane endeavor to name everyone and everything George, or variations thereof.

Just like the Kingdom of Northeast Georgia.

Photo by: Neal

Similar to the show The Smurfs (which was based on the historical Kingdom of Northeast Georgia - Neal was the basis for Gargamel), where everything was "Smurfy", everything in Georgia was "Georgie". (And also similar to the Smurfs, sentences like "Did you George the George on that George, man? Utterly Georgtastic!" were common.) In a complete and utter contradiction to his policies, George named his son "Bagrat" and his daughter "Guarandukht". (You can totally wikipedia that stuff, man. Totally.) In 2010, to honor his friend, Neal guaranteed that his next child would be named either "Bagrat" or "Guarandukht". As an aside, Bagrat is actually George's Great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great Grandfather, which poses all sorts of delicious paradoxes, the likes of which could literally make a quantum physicist's head implode. This paradox is set to be storylines on upcoming episodes of "Lost" and "So You Think You Can Dance".

In 2014, after declaring bankruptcy and losing everything, George and Neal came to their rescue and offered both Rod Blagojevich and Donald Trump an opportunity to stop living on the streets of Chicago and sharing a cardboard box behind Tony Rezko's house (i.e. under the El tracks on Van Buren and Clark). In 2015 the SyFy channel aired a special live presentation of ECW Wrestling. The match-up was a bloody battle between Blago's and Trump's hair. The 6 hour battle was called a draw but ended up spawning a spin-off show called "Law and Order and Corruption - You're Fired Unit", which aired on NBC after "Law and Order - Not Quite As Special Victims Unit", before "Law and Order - Criminal Negligence", on alternate weeks with "Law and Order - Park District Squad" but only during the off season for "Law and Order - Police Brutality".

In 1991, Neal organized a protest against brutality toward unicorns called Beating Unicorns is Totally Tasteless, or B.U.T.T. Decades later, George informed Neal that the unicorns were only mythical and that Neal's protest was essentially imaginary. Neal didn't care. He just wanted an excuse not to shower. On the plus side, among Neal's 27 distinct stenches, George discovered the pheromone that attracts Bison. As a result of George's hard work and Neal's diligent avoidance of water (as well as the general public's great sacrifice for putting up with Neal's diverse odors), the American Bison is currently making a comeback. An award was presented to George. Neal's award was mailed to him.

You know the saying "No means no", well, in 1929 a glitch in George and Neal's teleportation device actually caused a rift in the definition continuum, causing "No" to actually mean "Yes" for about six hours on October 24th. This caused a lot of confusion, especially in the financial sectors. Luckily George and Neal discovered the problem, however during their attempts to fix it there were brief periods where "No" meant "Maybe", "What's it to you?", "Ask me tomorrow.", and "Fred".

For a brief time in 1963, Neal and George became super heroes, using the pseudonym "Captain Gooey" and "The Incredible Taint", respectively. Their foray into costumed adventures was cut short sadly, due to a restraining order (which I am restricted from discussing). Neal and George gained financially, however, as they sued Activision for improper use of their likeness rights, in the bestselling adult themed video game, "Smegman vs. The Overwhelming Taint."

In 1990, George began producing Martha Stewart's new cooking show, "Cookin' with Martha and Neal". The show ran for two very successful seasons; however, relations between Martha and Neal became strained, resulting in an on-air, climactic and violent fight between the two. Neal did not count on Martha's extremely long reach and proficiency with kitchen knives, and as a result he suffered greatly.

She'd as soon kill you as look at you.

Photo by: Neal

Thankfully, George managed to bring Neal's corpse to the year 2050, where Neal was resuscitated. As a practical joke, George had Neal's testicles enlarged 500% and moved to his back. Surprisingly, Neal liked the new look, and his coinpurse remains unreasonably gigantic and misplaced to this day.

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This site. The best. Bigly good. Those other sites? SAD. So sad. But George and Neal? I mean, trust me. I know good people. I know - I'm the best at knowing good people and you'd be amazed at what those guys can do. Fantastic job, you two.

Well, how about that! We got a comment from someone other than Clem or evil Bette. Thanks for your support Rich, we hope you're doing well, too. It's been a long time since we've talked, so we'll head back to 1998 and pay you a visit then. Bucket run?