This Week In Sex: Carissa Rosario, An Unhappy Ending, and Thanksgiving Sexiness

Each year, on the fourth Thursday in November, Americans gather as families and friends, strangers and prodigal sons, and together, we pause to reflect on what we’re all thankful for. And then, we swell our bellies on a plateful of carbs, gravy, and turkey meat. This year, for Thanksgiving, we thought about how thankful we are for all the many ways a woman can be sexy.

A photo posted by PeggySue (@peggysue_winters) on Nov 25, 2015 at 2:48pm PST

Do you know why we also feel so thankful this year? It’s because the Internet. With just a click, or two, you can find a bevvy of sexy women, ones who all look quite different, ones who are no more or no less sexy. Just different. Women like Carissa Rosario…

And if you think Carissa looks incredible…we have some good news. She was just featured in the Monster Girl Bikini shoot. It’s all busty beauties, sunny beaches, and sand-crusted butts. Pretty much a flawless recipe for sexiness.

Speaking of girls who could sell a bikini calendar to a blind man, Antje Utgaard seems to be reveling in the raw power of her sexiness. And she wants to make sure you enjoy your Thanksgiving weekend. Ain’t she a sweetheart?

Women like PeggySue Suicide, Carissa, and Antje, and all the many varities of sexy we see each week, make us so damn… thankful. This Thanksgiving, we’re thankful for all the flavors, shades, and shapes of women that we get to celebrate online these days. There’s just way more sexiness to be enjoyed by all. Obviously, we’re fans of that sort of expansion. The Internet has had a great democratizing effect on the culture of the world. And, also on the sexiness. We’re thankful for…

And, course, we’re always and forever thankful for the All-American sexiness of the Playmate of the Year, Miss Dani Mathers. Like, whoa! She’s got so much sexy she could loan some to Canada whenever theirs is frozen.

If you pause a moment and reflect on all the women you just scrolled past, all the warm round curves of their breasts, the fullness of their hips, the appeal of their thick round booties, you see how much we all have to be thankful for this year. At the beginning of the holiday season, let’s remember how truly blessed we are with sexiness.

At this very moment, there are beautiful women out there, sexual assasins like Niykee Heaton, and they’re asking themselves: What can I do next to push sexiness forward–How can my ass change the game? Literally, and figuratively. So far, Niykee keeps killing the game with sexiness. Here, check her record of slays for yourself with this photo lookback.

Do you know which Brit we’re thankful for this Thanksgiving? (And it’s not King George.)

You know how Hollywood never met a red carpet it didn’t like? When it comes to the kind of sexiness that gets tongues wagging and paparazzi popping, some stars, like Jennifer Lawrence, are just naturals. That girl can trip over her own feet at the Oscars and still be sexy about it. Now, imagine how much she’d make you stutter from the sexiness if you were there and you saw the superstar show up wearing a see-through dress and start downing bourbon shots like it ain’t no thang.

A photo posted by Brenda Song (@brendasong) on Oct 8, 2015 at 9:55am PDT

We’re also thankful for the fact that at this very moment, we currently boast an extraordinary abundance of blonde bombshell sex symbols. Like, we haven’t had it this good since Marilyn and Jayne Mansfield were both in the game. We have Kate Upton, Lindsey Pelas, Jordan Carver, and Charlotte McKinney. So, um, hey, bombshells of the 1950s, you were sexy and awesome. But even you’ve got to admit, these brassy blonde beauties of 2015 don’t play.

That means people rated unprotected sex as 17 times deadlier than driving a car.

As the authors of this research point out, these estimates couldn’t be further from the truth. In reality, participants dramatically overestimated both risks. The real kicker, though, is that people are actually 20 times more likely to die while taking a 300-mile road trip than they are to die from contracting HIV through a single act of condomless sex.

As you likely know, Airbnb is a great way to find a new-to-you chill spot to stay when you’re visiting a town you don’t know. Also it’s good for those times when you just want to get away but can only afford to take a staycation in your town. And Airbnb is also, apparently, a great way to book a location for your gay porn shoot. Which is exactly what one cunning producer did.

The bad news for the homeowner: the shoot was for scat porn and featured enemas, golden showers, and free-flowing feces. When the men were done shooting their sex scenes in the 1920s mansion, there was shit everywhere. Literally. There was urine, feces, and used enemas, left behind like a treasure hunt of bodily fluids, along with the fresh stains on the furniture, and a hot tub that was “brownish in color.” Naturally, there’s a lawsuit pending.

This week, we also learned that massage parlors down in South Carolina can get raw and dangerous like day-old sushi. For instance, this dude strolled into a parlor looking to get a rubdown. He agreed to pay $68 for a massage. He also dropped the additional $20 for a “table shower.” But when the masseuse was done she wouldn’t give him a “happy ending.” Which had the opposite effect. It made the man very unhappy. He felt his $88 had guaranteed he’d enjoy full release. Looking for satisfaction, or possibly looking to find the management, the man put his clothes back on and marched out to the lobby of the massage parlor. And that’s when he decided to pull out his dick and finish himself off. The dude started to jerk off and demanded that massage parlor employees watch him finish what they started. And that made it an unhappy ending for everyone.

Now we wouldn’t send you off with such a sad story rattling around in your dome. No! You need something good, something sexy, something to remind you that you have much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving weekend. Ready? Let’s double on the bubbles with this double-dip of derrieres.