The 1775 Restoration comedy, The Rivals, by Richard
Sheridan introduced the humorous character, Mrs.
Malaprop. Her name comes from the French mal Ã
propos, which means inappropriate. The self-educated
Mrs. Malaprop was always substituting a
similar-sounding word for the word that she intended to
use.

I was working for a small spinoff back in '99, and when we got our first round of funding the CEO of the company came out with the large cardboard check and announced to the entire company that 'this will go down in the anals of .'

I know this doesn't come under the heading of malapropism or spoonerism, but I will share a funny moment. Years ago, I had a school principal who loved the sound of his voice on the speaker. He took every opportunity to get on and ramble on and on. One Monday morning after a Friday night football game he informed us all that our team had lost by a score of 17 to 21. He then made the pronouncement that "all the boys had farted hard."

Gales of laughter and chaos ensued. He seldom got on the speaker after that.We were all thankful for the boys' efforts.

I knew a co-worker with such an affliction. On one Monday morning, he excitedly described how he had seen a wildlife refugee over the weekend. If someone was making risky moves, he would advise them, "Don't rock the waves." If upper management was about to single someone out for blame, he would say, "They're looking for an escape goat."

..not a malapropism, but....
Glenda's story reminded me of a teacher at my old school - he lacked authority, and whenever he had to address the assembly, people often continued to chatter. One day, in front of the whole school, he blurted out:
"I'm sick of this! Everytime I open my mouth, some fool speaks!"

In one of David Niven's books he recalls when he and Errol Flynn were in the 'Charge of the Light Brigade'.
The director (Michael Curtiz I think) shouted to the wranglers to 'Bring on the Empty horses' referring, of course, to the riderless horses.
Niven and Flynn collapsed in mirth. Curtiz snarls, 'you think I know F--- Nothing. But let me tell you I know F--- All'.

I think you took me a bit too seriously; it was a joke. But now I read it again, I can imagine it didn't come over as one for someone that doesn't know me. I surely didn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings. For your info: I'm a non native speaker, so part of it was aimed at me.

There's a lawyer character in TOM JONES who malapropriates a lot, but he's not as funny as Mrs. Malaprop herself. If I can find the passage I'll post some examples.

And this one is mine, and I did it on purpose (so it doesn't count) but I'll share it anyway: I was explaining Yom Kippur to a friend and he said, "I know all about that. My second wife was Jewish." I said, "I didn't realize you had been adjudicated."

Last week on a local newscast there was a story about dead beat dads. It was one of those programs where people can call in. One woman called and was angry because the majority of the pictures were non-white. She informed us all that there were plentry of Crustations who did not pay child support either.

Recently a house painter told me that he was getting too old to climb ladders because he was starting to lose his eqiliberity.

I thought I had mentioned my friend on this thread, but I guess not.
He is the unwitting 'Master of Mixed Metaphor" Here goes:

When he is eager he says he is 'Biting at the chomp'
When he is happy he says he is 'Happy as a bug in $h!t' or
'Happy as a pig in a blanket'
When he is having a busy day he says:
'I've been running around putting out chinese fire drills all day!'
When he wants someone to expedite a job he says 'I'll light a fire on them'
He refers to the unfortunate uprising in the early nineties as:
'The squirmish in Chinaman Square' (No, I don't know what a squirmish is)
When trouble is brewing it's time to 'Batten down the hatchets'
He is not much of a skier. He doesn't do any 'Solemn courses' (slalom)
He's good with computers, he just isn't familiar with the 'Normanclature'
As a matter of fact, he's so good with computers he says:
'Yeah, I know it like the back of my head.'

Buddy Fidler is a character in "City of Angels" who mangles a lot of expressions. He says "Nobody gets a hole in one their first time at bat." His best (worst) is when he describes a shot in his movie, the camera lingering on the curves of a scantily clad woman, and he predicts: "There won't be a dry seat in the house!"

That's a new one to me! Other friends have told me that they said or sang:

"Surely good Mrs. Murphy will follow me all the days of my life"

"Gladly the Cross-Eyed Bear"

"Lead us not into Penn Station"

... and there's a whole book about what children THINK are the words to the Pledge of Allegiance. My favorite version is not in that book, but it was shared by Maxine Hong Kingston on NPR about ten years back:

I pledge allegiance to the FROG
of the U.S.A.
and to the wee puppet for which it stands...
with little tea and just rice for all.

It's funny (and embarrassing) how words get mixed up in translation. I invited a visiting european work colleage to dinner recently and took great care with the meal i prepared. The next day he told everyone at work "I saw the food that she had made; then i was ravished."

Jack, I've bumped a few, but the conversations here are often topical and spontaneous. They do not lend themselves as well to recollection because there is no single focusing topic usually, like a poem, which there is on the USP.

Another marrowsky/spoonerism that i came across recently, in 'And the Ass Saw the Angel' (by Nick Cave) - the local school teacher, "a Goliath amongst the first graders... a tall, intelligent-looking woman with dark eyes and a moustache - the children were quick to spot the aptness of her nominal spoonerism" - Miss Mary Hanley.