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On the "Fast Track"

Two of my really good friends are in great, successful relationships (at least they are to me…LOL).They have loving, supportive boyfriends who seem to be compatible with them. These relationships seem normal, right? Two people coming together to form a loving bond…

…only difference is these two chicks had their relationships “Fast tracked” (a phrase coined by my friend MN whose own relationship was “fast tracked”)

What is fast tracking you might ask? In terms of a relationship, that means all of the middle-man notions of dating, games and bullshit is cut out and people have that VERY adult conversation early: “Listen…I like you…you like me…let’s do the damn thing”. In the case of my friend Y (also a fast-tracker), her relationship went something like this:

Dude hits her up on dating site

She ignores him for 2 weeks

Finally she breaks down and answers his email

They go out in August

2 weeks later he tells her “Look. I’m trying to be in a SERIOUS committed relationship together”

BOOM! Fast-tracked

By December, they are living together.

Now..They are picking out rings and things for a wedding.

Fast-tracked! Whew! The thought just makes me tired....

The rationale me thinks this type of behavior is downright dangerous and stupid. You don’t know this person? What if you break up now you got nowhere to live! What if it ends as fast as it started and you already gave up the cookies?

But….on the flipside the romantic side of me thinks that these whirlwind types of relationships give me hope. Maybe there is such thing as love at first sight! Maybe there are dudes out there that are not about playing games! Some folks know what they want…and can move forward with it effortlessly.

But is this healthy? Is this SANE? Most of all, how do you know if “fast tracking” a relationship is right for you? Who makes the first move? The man or the woman?

In talking to my friends, they both say you have to simply not be about the bullshit and be willing to progress….fast and with a purpose. That purpose being to spend the rest of your life with that other person. It has to be a mutual decision

My friends both declare that my next relationship will be “fast tracked." I don’t know about that. The times when I try to lay it all on the line, the dudes run (lol). But I guess maybe the point of fast-tracking is that you’ll never know if/when it will strike you. But in most cases...I am too chicken to go that fast..and men are running for the hills. I would think once you reach a certain age...the "fast track" approach is all that's left....:) Life is too short.

You never know...

You just have to be wiling and ready for the ride.

QOTD: If given the right circumstances...would you move at lightening speed into a full-on relationship?

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I would and did. I met my husband in June 2009. Engaged in December 2009, married September 2010. I will say that I was 37 when I got married so I had dated A LOT and been in several long term relationships. My husband had been married before and had been divorced long enough to know what he wanted and what mistakes he'd made in his first marriage. We were both in the right mindframe for a serious relationship. He actually proposed a lot sooner than I thought he would.

It's funny you say your friends say your next relatinship will be fast tracked. I told my former best friend I felt that way for her and BAMN, she met a dude, within a year they were living together, the next year they were married.

People have thier thoughts on how a relaitonship should go, but in my opinion, you never know whats going to happen and there is no perfect recipe for a lasting relationship. You gotta go with your heart and gut and hope for the best.

Had it not been the fast-track, I don't think my relationship would exist. We just didn't have time, not because of our ages (because I am a young buck!), but beacuse we were both planning to leave NYC so soon after meeting. He literally asked to make it official while driving me to DC to check out my new apartment. It was real for him: I was leaving.I will also point out that he took the lead in the fast track, and I think that made all the difference. I really do think that when a man steps up and stakes claim to something that he wants, it's often an enthusiastic, emphatic moment for him. And that's how you get fast tracked.

I agree that the older we get, the greater the likelihood of a fast-tracked relationship. Folks really know what they want, and aren't about all the games, the older they get. Why spend all these years dating and courting and things, when at the end of the day you both are looking for love, companionship, and a family? I say folks should date long enough to know that you and the person can get along on a day to day basis, and to know that they arent crazy.... and that's long enough.

I think men fast track when they are ready to get married. My male friends tell me all the time that the day a man wakes up and says I am ready to be married pretty much the next woman who catches his eye will be his wife 99% of the time. I think more women would like to be fast tracked per se but it all depends on the man to me. I think these relationships/marriage have just as much of a chance of lasting as ppl who dates for yrs before marriage.

I don't think that most women can be the fast-track initiator. I think inherently, most men will see that as a red flag and run for the hills. I've been in a fast-track relationship, it didn't work, but it was good...until it wasn't, lol. I would consider it again. Just today I was being bullied by a friend of mine about what I was waiting for with a new friend. I guess we live in a microwave society and once you reach a certain age, you don't get to crockpot your isht anymore. LOL!!! I am just chilling right now, if the opportunity arises to move forward with the right person, I'll be a fast-tracking somebody. :)

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Just a 30-something African-American woman living in the Deep South's largest metropolis (for now) who is a lover of all things shoe...the higher the heel..the better...who is also navigating the world of dating, mating, and all things in-between post-divorce.
For PR opportunities contact me at : sexliesandemail@gmail.com
*NOTE*: I do not claim the rights to any of these photos that I use. If there is an issue, please contact me directly.