Not to be impolite, but etiquette in Kalamazoo varies like the weather

KALAMAZOO -- When you're out and about in our wintery, wet or warm community these days, you're probably unaware that you are practicing uncommon etiquette in some pretty common places.

For instance:

-- I'm sitting in Old Burdick's downtown, enjoying a fine slab of tasty tilapia, when I overhear a comment from the next table over.

Two couples are enjoying a table-sized T-bone and some other delectables, when one of the women asks the other if she'd like to go to the rest room. Nothing wrong with that, happens every day, I thought, as the two gracefully walked away.

A few minutes later, I went to the men's room -- alone. Went in for a bit, didn't talk to a soul, and then went back for a table.

It struck me how different the etiquette for similar destinations. Women make a social occasion of it (I'm told) -- doing their makeup, chatting about dinner, talking about the weather, whatever. Words are rare in the men's room, however. In fact, casual conversation is kind of an unspoken no-no.

-- It doesn't take much effort to find other unusual customary phenomena. A simple drive down Westnedge, Burdick, Lovers or some other local lane.

Fellow drivers will wave and point at your gas cap if you forget to close it, holler and point at your roof if you've left a coffee cup up there, or smile and point to your door if one of your seatbelts is hanging out and dragging the street.

On another morning, however, these same folks would threaten to kill you, scream, cuss and do some pointing with another finger if you inadvertently offend them by changing lanes too quickly or looking at them in the wrong way.

-- How about the doctor's office? More specifically, the waiting room. You're sitting and sitting and sitting, waiting impatiently and wondering to yourself why two people were called in before you, when you're sure you were there first. There goes another and another, and your resentment grows.

But, when you finally get called, it's time to show your stuff. You walk slowly to the door, almost sashaying, as if you own the room. "Oh yeah, my turn. Sorry about that all you unfortunates. My turn."

Uncommon etiquette or lack of etiquette? This one begs a question.

-- An occurrence as simple as sneezing brings about more uncommon etiquette in a perfectly common situation.

You hear someone sneeze, friend or stranger, and it is kind to offer a "God bless you."
Now, the person who sneezed may be an atheist or agnostic, Baptist or Buddhist, and no offense is taken. In another context, the mention of God can stir Supreme Court cases. But if you sneeze, all is forgiven. Amen.

This need for uncommon etiquette in a common place affects me at least twice a week. As a columnist, it is customary and considerate to end with a snappy line, something that might make people return for another read on another day.

Sometimes, however, the ability to think of one is more uncommon than you think. Perhaps today, you could cut me some slack. This is your chance for a little uncommon etiquette.