satD iPod; And mahkamah opportunities

“Isn’t that `Apple iPod’?” No, satD iPod; and I insist. “Who/What is satD?” This is what the post is about – and maybe a bit more.

Firstly, satD is that hilarious blogger with his political Pure Shiite blog. But I doubt if you’d think of him as `hilarious’ if you are unfortunate enough to be on the receiving end of his lashings:-) And this guy moves around a lot on the SoPo blogosphere – you’d see his comments at quite a number of blogs. I have to say that I’m amazed with his work-rate – satD holds a very important and stressful job, but yet still manage to achieve a lot of things in the cyber world!.

Last Thursday, 26 March I received a package by post – it was sent by Sherry in Kuantan. And there was a gray iPod Shuffle in it, given by satD. Sherry, Nazmi and their three children were in Jakarta last week, and had met satD there.

I can only shake my head and feel humbled by the generosity shown – not just by him but by so many people whom I’ve known through the blogs. And they aren’t just in material form, for I’ve received gifts that are perhaps even more valuable – of a few people giving me their time and helping me to see through some difficult moments, like what I’m facing right now with the Mahkamah Syariah.

(BTW if some monkey think I’m going to fold and crumble due to `setback’ and be affected by this; boy, they sure don’t know what Gambang had done for me! And of how influential people like Sherry, Nazmi and Shakirah are. But this in its own good time)

To satD, I can only say Thank you. And not just for the iPod Shuffle, but for what he had done in Jakarta earlier.

Just after Sherry and family had arrived at the airport there on March 16, I had emailed satD. informing him of their presence there. As I had mentioned in previous posts, this is the family of someone whom I care about… a lot. I had thought how nice it would be if satD could just call them; to let them know that should there be anything they might need help with, he was there.

But satD went way beyond this! Not only did he contact them – the following night, he took them out for dinner, plus showed them around a few places in Jakarta. And they later went to a nice cafe to have a pleasant chat. It was thoughtful of Sherry to keep me updated with a few SMS. I’m thankful and grateful for what satD had done that evening – of making it such a memorable evening for Sherry and Nazmi. (satD tried to extract some `cerita’ about me Heheh!)

I would not have been happy had it been a spur of the moment thing with the iPod. But I learnt that satD had bought it some time before Sherry and Nazmi were in Jakarta, and had even hinted about it in a comment somewhere (I didn’t figure it out, clueless that I am – I’m the type who has to be told direct, in no uncertain terms, about anything). When he mentioned a gift, my first guess is “A book”; of which I would already have been more than grateful. I would never have guessed in a hundred years it would be an iPod Shuffle.

And what an amazing thing it is! Okay, I’m going to reveal how `jakun’ I am – I had no idea what it looked like, for “hardware” isn’t something that I had kept up with. Oh, I had read about it but never did find out more. My initial thought was: “Most likely yet another over-hyped and over-priced product from Apple.” Yes, I’m one of those in the “anti-Apple/Macintosh” crowd:-)

The package arrived last Thursday – and as you all know, this is often the most hectic day of the week for me. But last Thursday was different – it was even busier than usual; plus I had to deal with that matter concerning the Mahkamah Syariah the previous day.

When I opened the package, I was surprised when I saw what the iPod really looked like – it is so small! I even had this thought: “It’s a replica – a joke satD was playing on me”. I couldn’t believe a music device could be that small! I didn’t have the time to do much with it last Thursday due to the work – in fact, I had gone on until dawn on Friday. No, I’m NOT complaining – I’m doing work that I like, and I’m working with people who are great:-)

There was trouble when I started the iPod. After plugging in the USB cable to the laptop… nothing happened. It wasn’t even listed when I started Windows Explorer. I read the instructions again, carefully, and repeated the steps. Still nothing. I had this syak wasangka – “a dirty tactic by Microsoft to make it difficult for Apple?… purposely forcing users to go through hoops first before finally being able to use it?” When I started iTunes and the “Sync iPod” in the “File” menu was blanked out, the problem became clearer – the laptop didn’t see the iPod connected. But why? And surely Microsoft isn’t that `busuk hati’.

So, the conclusion was that the problem was on my end. And it was – I didn’t dock it properly! After pushing it in all the way, it came to life. Well, needless to say, the synching with my laptop went on smoothly.

Initially, I had some reservations about its sound quality. But after listening to just one song, this immediately disappeared – I’m impressed! For instance, I had listened to Pink Floyd’s Not Now John for 26 years, but there were nuances in it that I was not aware of – until I heard them through the iPod earphones. And since I wouldn’t be disturbing anybody, I can now listen to it for as loud as I like (satD has warned me not to turn the volume to the maximum to protect the earphones).

For those who are curious, these are the initial songs that I’ve synched to the iPod:

There will be more, of course – I’ve used up less than 20% of the capacity.

By the way, I must be listening to the iPod while typing this, right? NO – I try to use my heart when writing, and having music in my head might not allow that. Yes, I know for a fact that women can multitask…

That part in the title about “Mahkamah Monkeys” – Well, I’ve decided not to write about it just yet. But there’s one thing I should let you folks know – I’m okay.

Right, time to read the books that a very nice and helpful assistant editor sent to me. Which one will it be first, because I’m eager to read both at the same time!:-)

75 thoughts on “satD iPod; And mahkamah opportunities”

That would be helpful – Celcom is still happily ripping me off with only 40-70Kbps most of the time.

BTW when it comes to most of the songs, and especially when it comes to Pink Floyd, Enigma and Bob Dylan, I don’t have any feelings of guilt about downloading the MP3’s: I’ve bought all of these songs before, on original cassettes. It’s not right that I should keep on buying whenever they deteriorate – once in a lifetime of buying should be enough.

Kama At-Tarawis
What a thrill to see your name appear in the post!
Folks, she – and her son – are the people most responsible for bringing about “Super Thursday”. So, you all can either thank or flame her for that, depending on how you view it:-)

It also reminds me to go check FeedDemon and see the posts at your blog that I’ve not seen. Plus to add it to a special RSS section at my other – or rather, that Mat Cendana – blog:-) This way I’ll be more aware.

BTW Puteri, something that I had read in a Narcotics Anonymous literature since a few years ago is helping with this too. This (NA) is a precious fellowship that helps explain so many things through the collective experience of thousands who have been down this road of addiction before.

It had mentioned something like this (can’t find the exact sentences): that life won’t automatically be rosy all the way just because we don’t use drugs. In fact, `bad things’ might still happen – of losing homes, car repossessed, divorce etc. And some of these did not happen when we were addicted.

So, there’s the possibility of feeling “This recovery is not working…”; which might lead to “So what’s the difference if I just get bombed out again?” And do you know how comforting heroin/morphine is?…it’s something where you’ll feel “it doesn’t matter what happens – I can cope…as long as there’s morphine.” Before long, it’s back on that spiral – something that some people actually hope for.

I’ll admit that I did/do have these thoughts. And I know that these people will be very happy actually should I do so. Yes, despite their frowns, head shakings and hypocritical `regrets’, there’s gloating inside – that their preconceived judgment was correct (See the last post). Yes, it’s important for them to have their opinions `verified’, even if someone’s life is destroyed. And some of them are of the “pakai kupiah, tuduh labuh, tasbih-in-hand-for-all-to-see” type…

But Sherry Nor Jannah, Shakirah and my parents were/are there each time. And each time, I remember that I’m doing this for the most important person – me, myself – and “the people who matter the most”. This is `positive selfishness/self-centredness’.

That day, as with the other days when she sensed that `something might happen’, Sherry was quick to call; which IMMEDIATELY put my thoughts back to the right track. If you have spoken with her before (Elviza, among others, has), there’s a certain chirpy, bubbly feel to her voice… Anyway, she asked me to go buy some food and go home. Which I did – she has enough sense to know that the longer I hanged around, the more likely that `something will happen’.

And Shakirah… when it comes to the spiritual side, she often comes up with a message that ties things up neatly. The two of them, they were there at extremely critical times, and I’m grateful and thankful for that.

BTW some might wonder why Shakirah’s name is popping up so frequently; “Ada apa-apa ke…” Oh, how I wish! Haha! But seriously, No – it’s this thing of “empathy and understanding” that we seem to have with `certain people’ who are somehow a lot more receptive, and reaches `a certain level’ when it comes to trust and closeness. They are the few people whom you can mention anything and everything without fear of being judged.

In this instance, I’m “rich” – I have two special people. And I know many people don’t have anyone at this level, despite seemingly having so many `friends’. I know I was one – for so many years, I was alone…

and i was shocked before where i read the 1st few paragraph where u mention ‘anti-apple’

akarang udah kurang anti ka? lepas try the ipod shuffle? :)

most of it items (apple family) is a bit pricey for malaysian standard, but we’re talking but originality, quality and ‘kepuasan’ mengguna.,as from my point of view la.

but i must say, some if it jugak, is not up to malatsian level of technology. we’re still behind.

enjoy you ipod shuffle n try listen to to some recent hits, willya?

can i suggest u the cute fastbeat from beyonce – single ladies. the touchy james morrison – broken strings and latest single by jeniffer hudson – if this isn’t love, and 1 last awesome song by john lagend – everybody knows.

satD
Now’s a good time for me to learn more about Bit Torrent… hoping to get tech help from you for free again here:-) I used to be `up there’ when it comes to software and things related. In fact, could even write for a tech publication once. But since 2002, my current knowledge of things ended. Right now, it’s quite spotty – I might know a lot about something but am quite clueless in another. This is one.

I had downloaded uTorrent (had just upgraded to 1.8.2 just now) a couple of months ago. But I can’t figure it out (plus no time/too lazy to consult the help file). How do I go to piratebay? After “File”> Add Torrent – What next?

Mat,
Jangan puji sangat..we are only doing what we can. Tak terasa pun pada timbangan. I see life this way Life is mainly froth and bubble
Two things stand like stone –
Kindness in another’s trouble.
Courage in your own
Adam Lindsay Gordon

nadya.s
Now you’re going to learn a bit more about me:-)
You’re too young to know this, but from the late 80’s and 90’s, there were these groups of smug Macintosh users who somehow felt they `were better’ – just because they use a Macintosh?! Sure, *maybe* the Mac was technically better than the PC; and especially when it comes to graphics-type of applications. But what else would you expect from something that costs double that of a PC?

BTW my early use of a computer was an Apple IIe, so I had enough experience to be respectful of it. However, when the PC-XT 8088 (and just 8Mhz, 640KB RAM) came around, it just blew this Apple away (all of 128KB RAM. I remember the Apple salesman’s `counterpoint’ in 1988 of “But what would you need this much RAM for?…128KB is already enough!” HAHA!).

No problems about that. However, there were the Apple zealots who were actually resentful! Yes, you can’t imagine it NOW. But things were different then. Heck, I even remember some readers’ letters in Computimes and In.Tech (it was another name that I can’t remember – Davin Arul was the editor then) of PC-XT *CLONES* criticising each other’s *brand*! Wow, so `taksub’! It’s laughable now, but you have to remember knowledge of computing then wasn’t like what it is nowadays.

When the Internet became more common in Malaysia, clashes with these groups were more frequent. Most times, I’d just ignore them. But at times, I do get annoyed… when some Apple zealot shows `proof’ of the Mac’s superiority by mentioning about “so many PC viruses; unlike the Mac”. I’d LOVE to point this out to them: That’s because virus writers don’t feel it’s an important-enough platform to spend their time on:-)

Well, this bad blood went on for years – that’s how it became for me. I was/am of the opinion that “it’s what you *produce* that’s a lot more important”; and with most things, it doesn’t matter what platform you use. And especially when it comes to the Internet.

My opinion of Apple only changed in 2005 when I met an Apple fan in Pasir Mas (I was writing for a tech publication then). He was very happy to show his Mac collection; and there was something I was impressed with – a pair of speakers. I was surprised to hear such good quality from something that small! Incidentally, a few months after that I was detained…

Right now I’m okay with Apple’s products. In fact, if I can justify it, I would most likely buy the iPhone than anything else… after reading what Marc Andreessen (formerly of Netscape) had said about it. (But I can’t justify buying it; yet. Cost is secondary – it’s in my not fully utilising it due to no 3G in my area).

Anyway, for what it’s worth, I’m anti-Microsoft too:-) Especially Internet Explorer (something carried from the “IE v Netscape Navigator” days in late 90’s) Oh, I’m using Windows… because I’m too lazy to learn how to use Linux. Been “meaning to” since 1998 but… But at least I’m using non-Microsoft products as fat as I can – Firefox, Opera… and OpenOffice too.

And Thanks for your suggestions – I’ll TRY to find and download them. But there’s this thing inside me; of being so disappointed with current music (since the 80’s) – especially English songs – that I’ve totally stopped listening to “anything and everything new” since how-many-years-ago.

Shakirah
No, it isn’t puji but appreciation. These are so small to you, I know, but for someone on the receiving end and during certain times, they’re especially significant. And so powerful. Only right now am I aware of this – no matter how many were against me then, the ones from you and Sherry helped to dissolve all of negativity of that day.

satD
How embarrassing! Didn’t know it’s that easy.
I had heard of The Pirate Bay before but had never gone there. Am downloading “The Final Cut” album – I only have Not Now John but there are other great songs from this one.

Matt,
am learning more about IT from you since am from the old school. Nak beli iPod pun takut sebab tak tahu nak guna,,,,in fact, i listen only to the radio for music/news and TV pun tiada on the island.
just pandai e-mail and guna blog baru baru ini. all this while, i had too many assistance to prepare/creat/develop all of my presentation materials, now dah retired, left on my own to dig my own grave i guess !
guess this old dog can still learn new tricks ?.
do really appreciate your lessons on IT, hope to get more !

Cap’n seriously, lagi banyak IT stuff, the more noise in our lives…as if we dont have enough already that keeps us away from what we really need to do… time for some contemplation, remembrance of God and being with family…I personally think we don’t need to have/know the latest of every gadget/ program etc…just what we need, enough to do what we need/perform our job…there is just too much “noise” and “distraction” out there/in our lives already….

Capt
I am hardly the tech type when it comes to hardware; as you can see here. But satD is. BTW there are a few series of iPod – the Shuffle is the entry level. There’s more here at Apple iPod and iTunes info page.

Since the Shuffle is already impressive enough (for me), you can guess what the more expensive ones can do. If I’m not mistaken, you can also read e-books on them.

Capt,
There was something you wrote in the last post about “getting the drug users to take beer instead” and of “the lesser of two evils”…

Actually I had been thinking about that since I had seen the comment a few days ago. And I do want to write something – and when I do, you can be sure it will be comprehensive. However, I’ve not been able to do that due to a few things then and right now. I certainly don’t want it to be hurried since you appear to *really* want to understand things. And simply writing anything will be an insult, for I do have some stories to tell which might help you towards a better understanding. So, remind me some time later, okay? (But certainly NOT on Wed’s or Thurdays, please)

whoooaaa.. teerer la e.mat. i salute u, as my knowledge on IT are quite lemited.. all these term u used in your reply.. nad tah paham most of it.

for as long as i remember, i’ve beem using PC and i hv no complaints.when im in uni and learn digital multimedia, then i get to compare both MAC & PC.

i hv to agree with friends that for us designers, MAc is better where the graphic card n features are much better. and i only been a mac user for the last 1 year & still learing all the many shortcuts n kengkadang mcm org pandir mencari mana la ke buttonnya.. hehehe!!

when i was younger, ( like u said – as early 90’s im still considered as a kid) i heard alot about disadvantages of MAC and its far from being a user friendly.

as time passes by i guess mac learn his lesson and improved. the design is much better, and the technology also good. both pc & mac have its pro & conts, kan..

no need for you to download, i’ll email you the mp3 soon, maybe esok..maybe tonite. okay?

Hopefully everything went well with you over the week. As with ipod, am sure you will definitely get used to the idea of multitasking..munching tidbits while fingers punching the keyboards with music on the move….it works well with me :)

Hmm.. mahkamah monkeys? now who’s jumping off the ‘seat’? the Judge..? hehe..

erm.. i still love to listen to playlist on my blog tho..perhaps you can download it too for your ipod :)

zara
What a pleasant suprprise to see your comment here! Actually I had wanted to get in touch with you earlier, but you weren’t around. I could guess that you were extremely busy.

Not the judge, zara – he was a decent person. But others… There’s a lot that I want to say. Maybe I’ll catch you on YM after this. Or tomorrow – subject to you being free of course. There are a few important things I’d like to ask.

Your playlist – now that you’ve mentioned it, I do remember one song that I like when I was there. You mean they can be downloaded from your blog? Okay, I’ll try to later or tomorrow (this is the problem when you get only 40-70Kbps most of the time – never mind if the connection says “236Kbps”.)

Matt,
No worries take your time.
Am just trying to help those that want to help themselves and change for the better saja bila mereka datang berkerja on the island or at my joint i.e. Capt’s Longhouse which is a backpacker’s hideaway to chill off after/during their journey of discovery in life.
Yang sedeh-nya budak budak local kita tak sama dgn budak budak dari luar negeri yang sanggup belajar/experience/exposure to challenges plus hardship during their discovery years in life !. Our local boys,,,Mereka hanya penting to find the easy way out,,,enjoy for the day ! – nothing plan for the future,,,, as such senang get involved with drugs etc from what I see depan mata saya lah.
Where I come from,,,,i.e. saya beri mereka responsibilities in running a business at my place on the island.
Ajar mereka accounts/sales/marketing/public relation dan most important responsibility plus belief in self confident !.
So far ada yang bite my hands but banyak success stories juga in the past 20 odd years since I started this “Hard Knock University of Life” for the local boys/girls.
My method is based on self trust and individual self wanting to change !. The last guy that I had to remove from my place was taking/stealing things from our customers/meself and he admitted that he can’t help it since he needed his shots desperately at times !.
Am no expert but alternative ‘medicine’ such as air ketom was not enough for him,,,,he needs his morphine shots from what I gathered !.
He found himself another place to stay on the island i.e. at the camp site but I think he is now the island pusher inorder to sustain his drug habit. He is again a wanted man right now but hidding from the authority.
Most unfortunate since he was just released from the pusat about 3 months ago after treatment etc.
So bila you have time,,,,please tell me what more is missing from me or from my simple method ?.
Am very friendly but strict with the boys/girls if they work/stay on the island. When i ban anyone from the island, they are gone for ever !.

nadya.s
“terrer” – Just from those? You must be joking! Honestly, if I’m a woman and fair-skinned, you’ll see the colour of my cheeks now! One of the reasons you don’t understand most of them is that these aren’t of your generation.

And I presume you didn’t study the development of the personal computers and the Internet(?) Actually, there’s not much problem in that – you don’t have to know about how the internal combustion engine had developed more than 100 years ago to drive a car now. Just remember the brake, and the cue to fill in the tank again :-)

But if you do learn, you’ll appreciate the computer and Internet more – especially what you have now. That’s one of the reasons why I’m not complaining about my laptop being “under-powered; because it’s only a Celeron 2.0Ghz” (as compared to the Core2 Duo etc).

I just need to remember the 386SX computer I had used as a *server* for 20 workstations around 1992 – its speed was only 16MHz with 4MB of RAM! And what I have now is… what, how many times faster in terms of clockspeed 2,000 divided by 16 = 125 times! And the RAM of right now – 1,500/4 = 375 times more. But I sure could do A LOT with that 386.

So my Celcom Internet connection is super slow right now. But at least it’s fixed rate at RM68 per month, no matter how long I’m on the Internet. The dial-up connection of pre-Streamyx days was at RM1.80 per hour. 10 hours daily will be RM18 x 30 days = RM540 per month for both Telekom and TMnet. And I know of a few people who managed to rack up that amount!

This is interesting – you are a designer… May I know of what, please? (I have this extreme curiosity sometimes). BTW I’m puzzled with the MAC “and its far from being a user friendly” in the 90’s. I thought it was the other way round – you must surely mean the PC:-)

Yes, I suppose it was quite “user-unfriendly” then – it was the pre-Windows days when the operating system used was DOS. There was only ONE choice – LEARN about the commands, OR you can’t use it. Simple as that. With most systems, there wasn’t even a mouse early on where you can click here and there and wait for something to happen.

This is when the Macintosh came in with its point-and-click pretty icons – and the start of Apple zealots feeling snobbish. Personally, I didn’t take it seriously – because I’m more interested in “doing work” (writing mostly, plus database and calculations/spreadsheets; as in Lotus 1-2-3). “Pretty icons” and other eye candy don’t help one bit.

BTW even right now, I feel I can still happily live in a world and Internet without the graphics and other multimedia available now – Substance, Content… This is what I’m after, and what I do – then and now. And they can come in TEXT ONLY for all I care:-)

After all, what is email but text. And this blog too – you can take away the pictures, but a big part of the posts and comments will still be here without much devaluation when it comes to understanding.

Lastly, “email the mp3s”? I don’t understand – are you providing the links or send them whole? I appreciate it – I’m sure you must like them very much. Okay, I’ll *try* to listen:-)

How are you? Hari ni Isnin, so must be not so bz kan.. just wondering the title of the book yg you wanted to read tu.. Oh i must add this site to you since you love reading book.. http://www.4shared.com/network/search.jsp

This is where i get my free books.. most of the time i am lucky sbb all the book yg i nak is in here.. i dont know if you will be happy with this site ker idak..

By the way, Capt, what is your profile name in Facebook.. Also, Nx 2 wks my whole family together with few other family frens will be in Cherating for holiday. We wanted to go to Kapas badly but most of us ader anak kecik so kind of afraid jugak nak bwk budak kecik on speed boat.. But i was there many times before (masa bujang2 heheheh) and most of it i stays in Makcik Gemuk.. Are you nearby makcik gemuk?

SatD, next 3 weeks whole family going to Jakarta for shopshop.. will you take us for dinner jugak??? *wink wink* Just kidding … but i do know things are super cheap in Indonesia.. especially clothes for Children!!! U Jakarta dekat mana? Mangga 2 ka?

Sorry ya MC sbb use your space to talk to others… AMPUNNNNNN!!!

p.s. MC, next football season start, i nak ajak u play Fantasy football against me, hubby and few friends.. (If u tak bz la..) geram ni dok kutuk2 my team!!!!

1. i was a multimedia student, major in media innovation ( internet advertising) – we basically the 1st genaration from MMU. the guineapig /the lab rats of ‘what to learn’ in order to be the multimedia designers for the 2000 era i guess..

but, after 10 years and not applying whay we learn.. i kinda forgot already la.. sbb bila kerja, kena but content development & marketing. paperworks and non related jobscope.

now, im a part time photographer ( just for fun since 3-4 yrs ago) and thats require alot of image editing job.

i used to design web a little before & do tons of digiral animated ecards and come out with the conceptualization etc, but no more.. no more sir. dah berkarat!

2. maybe before i was introduce to PC first and i think PC is more user friendly the the comlicated MAC. that was early 90’s.

but my personal opinion, after using MAcbook since last year.. macbook has simplify its features and become more user friendly then before, also maybe becasue i barely use laptop anymore, since i own my macbook baby?

3.in my line of passion, ( which is photography) i need to rely on good graphic card as i need to feed my need to work with graphic and with them alot. rasanya stakat 1-2 thn meng’compare’.. byk kelebihan dekan MAc walaupun, masih tak sampai tahap user friendly PC. ( also the cost to maintain a macbook la kan..!! – memberi headache jugak..)

4. with rm88 per month, ( and extra feww hundred ringgit to buy router moderm) or the rm99/month – u can hv unlimited wifi in your home with streamyx. much faster then the Celcom 3G broadband.

Capt, my facebook is Norfadzilah Abdul Aziz. I tried to find you in Facebook tapi ramai pulak have the same name.. so only you can add me..
Capt’s Longhouse ada website for registration/bookings tak? klu ader confirm next destination is Kapas.. ( i belum check lagi kat net)
but like you said la.. nak bwk babies susah sikit.. but nak seribu daya..heheheh

Thank MC for the space!!!

p.s. MC, dah found out where is Setiawangsa yet? My mum’s house kat situ jugak..

Distractor,
Web site tiada yet but blog ada ,,,site ;captslonghouse.blogspot.com you can dialogue via comments or send to shariff.abbas@gmail.com for booking etc lah,,can also call me 012-3770214
Matt,
Looking fwd to meet you one of these days too ! If solo, you can drop in anytime to kapas but call 1st bcas i might be travelling all over the World.
I have plans to drive across to China with my 4WD and spend sometime along the way. Also planning to scuba dive at Sulu Wasi in the very near future 4b leaving Sarawak for good. Need to finish my Kalimantan tours too.

Capt Distractor, nadya.s, zara
Okay, that’s IT!…can’t put this off any longer since my conscience has gotten to me about not replying yet to Capt’s comments here, and also the things that need to be addressed from the previous post.

And I might not be able to do so tomorrow, because there’s an exciting project I’m lining up for “Super Thursday” [was touched, heartened and inspired by Sheila’s call at noon to look forward; mahkamah & mon– be damned. Hey, what happened to the title?? It says “opportunities” “Who’s Sheila?” The BEST person I’ve ever worked with] As it is, I’m already starting to get harassed. If I wait until tomorrow, it might get dragged on until Friday – and that would be unfair to Capt. So, it’s NOW.

BTW to Distractor, nadya.s, zara: In lieu of a decent reply, my Yahoo Messenger is… Ish, it’s so predictable! The same that I use for the names of my blogs, Twitter, Digg, StumbleUpon, Delicious, IntenseDebate and most of everything else. @Zara: I had read the other comment last night. Thanks for everything. Should there be anything that you require assistance with, and that I might be able to help, please don’t ever hesitate to inform me, ya? Because if you don’t, and I somehow find out about it, I’m going to feel slighted:-)

Capt, concerning Facebook: Would you believe that I was pasting your name in the Facebook “Search” when I saw what came in the email – you had Added me first! What a coincidence – and I would have been more than honoured to have added you first had I known you were on Facebook. These projects that you’ve done/are doing for the drug users – I’ve been on both sides of the track, gone on both directions and I know what this entails… you are someone uncommon, Capt.

Actually that is obvious enough: the fact that you are actually living on the island in the here and now – instead of people like me who “dream of” – is more than enough proof. And these hopes and intentions – and the implemention especially – for trying to do something about the abuse of drugs… I bow to you. And that’s not near enough to show my appreciation, admiration and respect for your efforts.

I’ve had my feet in both worlds, and right now I’m in no-man’s land probably – of not being an active addict, but not in the `normal’ world either. The second comes about due to the prejudice and at times even malice by some of the `respectable’ in the `normal’ world that most of you live in. That’s one of the reasons why and how I come to distrust – this malevolence and spite of certain people are real, unfortunately; as I have stated in the previous post. And if you’d look closely, you’ll see how this one affects the efforts of people like you. I might go deeper into this as I go along.

If you were only just about to start with this, I’d actually do my level best to dissuade you! “But don’t I want people to help these addicts?!” Yes, I do – but I also don’t want nice and decent people like you to get burnt, be bitterly disappointed and then not just turn your backs fully but also “with a vengeance”. T

This has happened before, especially with people whose `niat’ (intentions) weren’t purely “to help prevent, treat and rehabilitate addicts”. Many are individuals (1)who were in it “for the glory… chest-thumping value… image conscious types”; (2) plus some who were plain naive, too optimistic and too much into the “positive thinking” psychology. So, with such weak reasons in Number 1, they are out at the first sign of trouble.

After reading what Capt had written – the good and bad experiences – there’s nothing for me to add actually… you are in the circle of things, you know how it is. And the fact that you have not given up – this is to be rated as “Good” and “Successful”. Or is some armchair critic looking for “100% – or at least 80% being clean after three years to only rate that?… that these 80% pray five times daily, fast the whole 30 days of Ramadhan, walks around with a tasbih and wears a made-in-china kupiah?

What you are doing is the nitty-gritty stuff – of “everyday living”. My standard of measurement is simple: “If they are better NOW than previously, that’s good”.

If I may just add, Capt – Stick with the carrot-and-stick. Be firm but fair and you’ll do allright with addicts – or anyone. But what I appreciate here of Capt is, “People get A chance”.

BTW some people somehow think that addicts are impressed with degrees or foreign universities – even of Psychology. Or even something directly related with drug treatment/rehabilitation. Or “lulusan usuludin Al- Azhar, MES-II-RRR” HAHA! Sorry for the scornful laughter, but I’ve seen these types… bombarding a ceramah for recovering addicts with assorted quranic verses and hadiths, of fire and brimstone and expecting the audience to be awed – including of them too, of course.

Sorry to give this feedback, ustaz-ustaz yang membaca, But this is what usually happens: (Scene at ceramah)… Favourite question among attendees is “Bila dia nak habis cakap?” (When is he going to stop talking?).

Instead of looking at why he has failed to reach and touch the attendees, the ustaz would just dismiss this as “Syaitan is preventing them from listening”. Yeah, and never *his* shortcomings… especially of him feeling he’s better than those listening (never mind the “Saya pun dok peringati diri saya”)… But his heart is really saying: “These are just drug addicts, while I’ve been to Mekah twice, bulan Ramadhan pulak tu, and can oft-quote a quranic verse every ten sentences…”

The fact is; people can sense this – what you think of the listeners and yourself is transmitted; and this is something *we* (I’m siding with the underdogs) can detect after just a few minutes. If you aren’t sincere, have prejudices against addicts; just save everyone from wasting time – DON’T give a talk, please. It will only result in more bad feelings.

BTW `outsiders’ would often tend to under-estimate not only the intelligence of addicts but also some of the addicts’ education and knowledge of things. The common impression is that these are “Form Three education, maybe can read only the Fatihah, work as contract labourers, jaga kereta…”

It’s not that these addicts are by nature not receptive and disrespectful – it’s what you are that will decide that. And you don’t built rapport in one hour… But people make this elementary mistake time and time again when dealing with addicts!

If there are the “best people” to reach the addict, it’s “someone who has also been there – and got back alive”. The addicts – they’ll listen to this kind… someone who speaks their language and knows what it’s like when you are down and out, the withdrawal pangs from heroin starting to manifest, with no drugs and only RM1 in your pocket, with no friend in the world… while everyone around you are so seemingly happy. These people are around – those in Narcotics Anonymous especially: These are people worth their weight in gold when it comes to influencing addicts for the better.

I’ll continue later – about the usage of substitutes: of “drinking beer is better than smoking heroin” – something along this line. But right now I have to continue with work. Later, Capt.

oooh…i think i am feeling a bit guilty of some of the offensive actions you mentioned ie: mentioning remembrance of Allah, the clutter and noise around us, hellfire, quoting quran and “reminding myself”, disclaimers etc2.

well, I hope I didnt come across as preachy or trying to appear better/more pious….merely trying to find my own answers too, and the purpose and meaning of life and why things happened to me/the way they did and was just my intention to share what I feel is of importance that I/we often neglect…its a bit sad that “religion” is a bit of a dirty word….I think these people/ustaz are merely trying to help in the way they know…not having been there, they cannot understand how you really feel…but they are only trying to convey what they think is of importance and being neglected that leads to people taking the wrong route/path…how could you know what is really in their hearts ie: them looking down on others/addicts?

But yes, having others who have been “there” before influence and talk to those still stuck there in the dark place is the most effective.

But one cannot just discount the efforts of the ulama/ustaz and what is being said by them… who might be really sincere in helping…cuma they haven’t been exposed to the realities on the ground/tak pandai reach out.

and yes, even though kita menyampah dengar pasal setan etc etc…we must remember, he HAS vowed to sesatkan us in ANY WAY possible…and sometimes we just don’t realise it, and he is our sworn and worst enemy…goading/whispering (in the form of our thoughts), macam2 lagi…the first time you started drugs, before it became an addiction and a part of you…who do you think said “give it one try lah…no harm” (or whatever it is you thought at the time)..and some of our efforts must be directed at memperkukuhkan benteng pertahanan kita, ie: iman/amal kita…same for me and my predicament.

I’m sorry if i offended you with this…you know me lah, must say what I think needs to be said.

an-nimr
This is the SECOND time I’m writing this, and I’m discouraged and lacking time. I had written a long reply just now – and the laptop crashed. `Was looking for it’, I suppose – had not rebooted in more than 10 days (only Hibernate).

As I had written earlier, I had intended to get a headstart – must complete something before office hours. But after seeing your Comment in the Inbox, I simply have to deal with this first despite something urgent. But this will be very short… Have to wait for later.

Firstly, I was shocked to see that you had thought my comment was targeted at you! It isn’t… and I’m surprised how you could have felt so. *The context*… *my SPECIFIC focus*… The images in my head were “male, people I had encountered”…

And something else: I have to mention that I don’t have anything against each and every Ustaz – my father is one too. At the same time, I also don’t see why each and every person who has his name prefixed with “Ustaz” MUST AUTOMATICALLY be looked up to with reverence. Or Datuk, Or Tengku, Or-whatever – it’s on an individual basis.

This one:“how could you know what is really in their hearts ie: them looking down on others/addicts?”

By how they interact with us; their tone of voice, facial expression, actions, content from their mouths, when this came out, targeted at whom, how was it delivered, the context of the situation… YES, I’m sure.

I should explain a bit more. BUT I SIMPLY CAN’T right now. So, I’ll say this again – that comment had nothing to do with you at all!:-)

The beauty in Matt’s write-up is the way its put across !. From deep down his heart and bloody sincere and truthfull about it.
As for me, am just leading my own life and opening to those that wants to change for the better !. I enjoy living and challenges/adventures but at the same time sharing it with friends new or old.
“Been there done that ” is one of my motto in life.
Can be dangerous too at times bcas certain events are very very challenging plus very technical like diving/flying/para/caving/hunting etc.
With regards to people – am kind of committed to assisting those substance abuse individuals since having the sad experience of loosing family members to its battle. But its up to the individual, we can’t force the issue or on corrective action. They must want to change b4 it can happen.
How ?,,,best by showing respect to all and set oneself as a living example kind of,,,Yes, just be your honest self !. Never try to be a hero or someone different yaaaa.
In fact, I never preach but just practice,,,walk the talk ?. Kind off-lah, come live with me and lets earn the food on the table together.
Fortunately, money is not important to me as long as we have enough to keep our ship afloat.
In actual truth, I have not made any profit in terms of $ and cents but have to constantly dig into my savings all these years to support my lifestyle/others there,,, hehehe. But am happy and healthy !!!!! that is enough for me, what more can a man ask ?…other than free fresh air n sunshine !!!!.
And YES, am learning from everyone everyday too.
Now learning to be a sport fisherman too from the experts in Trengganu. Just fish for our own consumtion only and not for the market-lah.
Life and Living is great,,,Allah’s gift, don’t waste it.
Bershukor-lah selalu yaaaaa.
And Matt,,,,pls don’t reply immediately,,,YES to say “NO” hahaha. We all understand-lah.
Am no hero too,,,,just remember that.

Yeah, the guilty of certain offences party always terasa even though not directed at them personally…hahaha (and I always own up before any torture attempts to get me to fess up, no need for Gitmo)….but yes, having the ustaz tag does not automatically qualify one for unquestioning respect…I have come across many of the kinds you mentioned, including yang tak bertauliah in my own home who make me feel like I deserve all that happened to me because I did many wrongs while they were maksum (yeah well, I learnt that Allah is Merciful unlike humans…hahaha and He is not Unjust/Cruel and in fact ujian tu is a blessing from Him because we learn to look at our mistakes and where we are headed, and without reminders in any form, we would be LOST! So in fact, tests/trials are also a sign of His Love and Mercy, to check our progress/failings)

But I am glad that I also came across some very nice/understanding/non-judgmental pious people/ustaz who were a lot of help and comfort.

Matt,
I always have bananas hanging on the wall as stand-by energy food. Buy semi ripe/green and slowly eat them as they masak.
Suggest that you have fruits/salads etc and energy bars in your peti ice too,,,,bread can last long if kept in ice box too. Eat with local honey, bagus tu Mat !.
Bad to go hungry, your stomach acid will cause other issues if you don’t manage it-lah.
Good to note that you are enjoying your work but you must also enjoy good health too. Good friends are a bonus hahaha.
Cheers,,,,take care !
Capt.

Capt,
Thanks for the concern. But ada rezeki, masa Maghrib kemarin – A 27-year-old, a junior by five months from asrama Damar 048/06 @Wae (Sherry `knows’ him, sort of), was going to pass by my area. Had `pesan’ him for nasi bungkus with daging goreng from my favourite stall in town – RM2.50.

These ex-Gambang guys (most of them) – they are the Brothers-in-Arms. I’ve had people telling me not to layan `this kind of people’. Heck, I’d sooner ignore OTHERS; from the tok imam, bilal, khatib, penghulu, lebai kampung, jkk, local pas, umno and pkr types and whatever monkey than people from Gambang! These are people whom I have good memories of and with.

This `Damar’ – I remember his first day – his arrival at Gambang. It was late afternoon March 2006, about 5.30PM. I was at Cendana already; entering 4th month, Phase Two, Yellow Shirt. There was a football match that evening; and we (the crowd) were watching it.

Then 4 newcomers – shirtless, new blue `Apek’ shorts – were seen jogging in single file, “style keretapi” (hands on the guy in front) behind a Pusat policeman on a motorbike. The district police where they came from had delivered them quite late (I had reached Gambang at 3PM on Monday 7 Nov 2005 – six hours from Pasir Mas).

Just Arrived, First Day at a new and strange place that you definitely did not want to be at; not knowing anyone, with officers and inmates looking and staring at you… EVERYONE remembers his first day.

After registration, it was the traditional “you start from scratch, with nothing, at the very bottom” shirtless, blue short pants… jogging behind the policeman’s motorbike on the way to a two-week stay in a lockup-like Detox cell.

Right-Click here for the picture – I INSIST:-) … baru you all `can feel it; understand a bit’…Jogging from the Registration Office near the front gate – and seeing the pond beyond the left side of the road, of course; with offices on the right.

Then the “Padang Square” on the left where the morning assemblies are held. And the field on your right. Then a left turn into the inmates’ main areas which are mostly to the right.

It’s a LONG road – more than 300 metres. Orientasi “A” on the right, then the main gate to all the hostels… then the glorious Asrama Cendana on the right! It is along this road that you’ll most likely be heckled by some inmate who had seen you running.

In my case, I remembered a guy with glasses at the bathing area of Cendana letting out a “Haa, lari lari!… deras sikit!” What a sad day; you being so far away from home, not knowing anyone – and having a senior inmate teasing. Then it was the steep slope, reaching the beautiful mosque on the left, dining hall, kitchen on the other… and that’s where the U-shaped building housing the Detox, Sick Bay and Solitary Confinement is.

Three months later, I discovered who that guy with glasses was – 107/05 “Din Cowboy”, 42 from KL (had a tattoo of a cowboy on his forearm – with acid burns that had deleted most of it). His elder brother – if I mentioned his “Bin” (father’s name), many of you folks might know him, for he’s a top officer with a television company.

Anyway, back to the 4 guys who arrived that March; of whom one of them was “Wae Damar” who had sent nasi bungkus to me last night. Being the curious type, I had called out “Mari mana?” (Where were you all from?). One of them (not Damar; but he remembered hearing someone asking this) had answered… “PASIR MAS”.

A couple of months after that, two of them ran away from Orientasi “B”: 046/06 and 047/06 from Rantau Panjang and Kota Bharu. Damar had also wanted to, but decided against it at the last minute.

What I was mad about was; both who ran away were with “Cendana numbers”. Plus another two, also “Cendana numbers” after that! After 3-4 months when this batch changed to the permanent hostels – while the other hostels had 4-5 new members, Cendana had all of ONE… four had `ghaib’!

And I was the Cendana Pengawas by then… what an embarrassing moment during the “handing-in ceremony” at the Padang Square. When I went up to the front of the assembly to receive “the new brothers” from a senior officer… JUST ONE! Could hear the inmates sniggering behind, sial betul… The senior officer found it amusing too – “Eh, apasal asrama Cendana ni?… Budak takut sangat ke nak masuk, sampai lari!”

last but not least MC!!!! aiyohhh i tell you .. how can u stand all of us membebeling at you suruh u mkn or buy nutritious food to be kept at home or pg minum air or sumthing… u’re enjoying it eh… i would too when i know ramai giler org sayang kat kita!!!.. anyway, you take care k.. always think of yourself 1st then any of us here…

Matt,
Thanks for sharing your experience at Gambang too. Its the Malaysian culture I guess, part of being accepted into the group, bullying/ragging etc. Its the same in boarding schools/asrama and even in the Army.
I can still remember the hardship at “Sebatang Kara Camp” before we were handed over to Kadet Officer Training at RMC, way back in 1972. We were treated as POW and death during training was expected at 3% as normal !.
Some of my mates were killed during ragging after commissioning from RMC at their new Bases !!!. You may have heard these stories in the papers. Not only that the young officers/men have to face the enemy at the battle front but must first survive before their own kinds !.
I was against these kind of unfair treatments/judgements and as such got into many fights with my seniors plus gangs while in the school/college/service. I just can’t take any bullying ever since from my early hostal days. I fought like a injured tiger against anyone that tried to bully me or any of my mates. Many battle scars to remind me of it till today,,, hahaha.
Bukan nak jadi hero but that’s me, I can’t help it.
Am for the under dogs, as some of my friends used to tell me. Maybe that’s why am close to those that needs assistance/help,,,its in me !.
Also by the way,,, I have to live/survive alone on the island and be away from the corruption plus dog eat dog World outside there ?.
Nowadays, even at the island, am beng hazzled by the authorities,,,nak EIA report-lah, ikut peraturan bukan bukan-lah ,,,,,adoooooi. (monkeys yaa !)
Sometime I feel like, to just sail away into the horizon with my sailing buddies ?????…or get my own sail boat up and running !.
O.K. ,,,,am not in the right frame of mind right now !,,,still busy doing my research on traditional houses n living in Borneo b4 returning back to Kapas Island.

@Distractor@Capt
Every time I see the handle of “Capt”, I’d quickly take a gulp of water:-) This must be continuously drummed in and be made automatic because I now know all this while I’ve not taken enough water daily. There’s another tip at Capt’s site that I hope to try in the future… about “removing gall stones the natural way with apple juice etc”. Remarkable! If someone else had told me about it, I would have brushed it off. But Capt obviously has the credentials and credibility to talk about this stuff.

Nor, Ya lah… mujur ada you all; boleh jugak nak bermanja Haha! I remember what you had said at Facebook about “taking care of myself”… But old habits die hard… and bila dok GILA research, dok nak “do my level best”, makan-minum jadi secondary. Which is not a good thing, of course. Kena buat dua-dua; the kerja and jaga makan-minum.

Okay, getting ready to go to town to makan and buy some foodstuff to spare. There’s a Pasar Malam (night market) tonight. And Sherry had SMS me twice already about leaving the desk and going NOW…

hmm the wonderful world of iPod… NOT! at least to me. though i have presented one to a very persistent but precious friend of mine. it was the best RM189 investment i had ever made in friendship with her.

mizkook
I don’t know about your experiences with the iPod (which one?). Went to your blog to see if there’s anything about it. That’s an idea for a post, if you feel like writing *something* for your blog but simply don’t know what to write about.

A bit off-topic from this, but not by much: I need to sit back and view/review things again… one by one, slowly, with a lot of thought. Like this iPod Shuffle from satD, for example, to count my blessings and be grateful.

Right now, I’m not doing too badly; which is so unlike a year ago. When it comes to music, it’s something that I had to do without for many months – didn’t have the equipment, regardless of how `cheap’ something basic is. But I have been in situations where I had essentially NO MONEY, NOTHING (except books and whatever little else).

And when I say “no money”, it’s not “down to my last RM10… have to ride this out until I get money in three days”. It’s of “30 sen… and don’t know when, where and how there might come any more.” Yes, it was *that* bad. If you haven’t been through this one, you won’t know the near-despair state; of hope in God being the *only* thing left.

Music is something that I have quite a need for – although not for hours and hours everyday as I had lived through once (wasn’t addicted at that time), there are times when the soul desires 1 something’. And one day bloggers led by Mat Salo, Elviza and Pak Idrus `did something’ after their meeting in late November last year.

To make a long story short, one of the things that I managed to get, which was quite high on my list (and got the nod from Sherry first; else I would not), a decent mini-compo (Sony CFD-S01). Yes, this one might be `nothing’ for most people (it’s `college students’ level’), but I was excited and so appreciative in having it… of being able to listen to FM radio stations, plus CDs of some songs copied from this laptop. What a relief hearing them on `real’ speakers instead of the tinny laptop’s (it’s for beeps and alerts).

And satD’s iPod – someday I’ll get an entry-level hi-fi … the real kind, not some pseudo type which is actually “a mini-compo, but bigger and more expensive”. This one comes with components of different makes for the CD player, tuner, amplifier and speakers. Something of RM2K is probably acceptable enough. Well, in the meantime, I’m grateful for this Sony mini-compo… and the satD iPod Shuffle when I want to BLAST the music in.

hi there. yeah, i write, but most times i dont write on topics like ‘ipod’. i hardly write long, i write light coded stuff abt my life. partly because i have minimal audience, the most being my life-partner. but more so..i dont know if my writings would mean anything. truly. but write, still. hahaha.
i have been in *that* situation before. with rm0.50cent in hand. living in the crampy kerinchi flat with 3 other ppl. so i have not been living a luxurious life, not for the first 8 years of my life in KL, that is. until few years back when i got a better job that took almost 5 years to enable me to get a car and a house, which i moved into abt 8 months ago. but iPod, RM189 as it was, was and still is a luxury item for me that i will never buy for myself. Music is a good big part of my life, courtesy of car radio. hahaha.

@mekyam
What a nice surprise to see the line in the Inbox turn red – you are among the few in the filter of my Mozilla Thunderbird. Jangan jealous about the special treatment ye – Mekyam was the FIRST person who had commented at this blog. PLUS I had known her since… 2001.

satD had actually met quite a few bloggers already; including the big names. But he chooses to remain anonymous generally. BTW I was delighted to find out that his and Nazmi’s paths had crossed before! Nice ye, the atmosphere of the cafe – haven’t been in one since… hold on – was at that posh restaurant at Renaissance Kota Bharu when David R was here two months ago. Had felt like a real outsider while David was so at ease in that type of surroundings. Good for him. BTW had received an email from him – he’s in Hong Kong right now. Those pleasant and totally unexpected memories of him being *here*… the Power of God.

Well, have to get back to work. Have to put in extra effort… kalau nak move away from here and re-marry or whatever:-)

MC!!! of all the comments that you have written my fingers dgn begitu pantas nak tanya this

*Have to put in extra effort… kalau nak move away from here and re-marry or whatever:-)*

REMARRY???? WAHHHHHHHHHHHH syok nyer!!! i bet the moment you cakap u nak kawin again, there will be plenty of us nak kasi the kenduri kendara meriah… i bet ader yg nak buat barang hantaran for you… i know for sure i would love to help you membuat persiapan sekiranya you nak kawin … :-))

So.. apa kabar? good? lama tak msg you in Facebook.. btw, do try to make yourself online in facebook so that i would know you’re online whenever u login facebook ya.. also what happen to YM laaa.. forever and ever tarak..

anyway, you take care k.. i doa segala permintaan you dimakbulkan… especially on the remarry thingy and the move away from here….

@Distractor
Haha! I knew I shouldn’t have added that last line – tengok tu, saya added smiley pun they all SENGAJA buat tak nampak, tak faham. And Nor… wah, bombarding me with so many questions.

About YM and Facebook Online – the main problem is my crappy connection at times. YM would often crash when the line is disconnected. That annoys me enough to not launch it again until a few hours later. Usually at night. FB online – one reason is also the connection – often, it’s difficult. Like now. Sometimes tak buat online – takut not at the desk or tak perasan – sometimes I have three browsers loaded, plus more than a dozen tabs. Nanti tak perasan. But I’ll try again later today.

Okay, THE END ye, hal “kahwin” tu. Had intended to delete it, but a few people had already seen it and will purposely mention “Eh, tadi ada…”:-)

@zendra
Sorry, tak layan out of topic comments Heheh!
BTW something strange in WordPress – I had gone to delete one stupid line in a comment. No problem. But the “Update Comment” doesn’t work… but everything else does! This is weird!

@Zendra
Oh, I wouldn’t be too sure with a few… takde kerja betul!:-) You are right about jangan layan – except that I’m the type who can’t keep quiet and has “to explain”… which might actually provide even more material to `analyse’.

Come to think of it, that’s a strength AND weakness. I’ve gotten into tense situations where keeping quiet might have prevented these from arising.

At the same time, there’s also satisfaction; for I’ve managed to put forward my views and was not intimidated. Like during the drug-case decision on Oct 31 2005 – most would just churn out the routine “Saya sudah insaf dae inghin rayu supayo tuae bagi pengawasae dae tidok dihantar ko pusak.”… everything jotted down on one page.

My representation required the magistrate to fill out five pages of notes-taking. I hope this won’t be misinterpreted as bragging or `perasan’, but my representation was very well structured and the delivery was crisp. I had previous working experience talking to groups during the pre-relapse years. So, I know about voice volume, intonation, speed etc – and I was “fighting for my freedom.” (which I received actually; although not in how I had thought `freedom’ should be)

The AADK officer had presented his recommendations first (written by the woman district officer, who had taken early leave for Raya Puasa `05). He had spoken in a soft, dull voice; of which I could barely hear despite being only six feet away! He kept looking at something on the table, and never once turned to face me or looked elsewhere… Well, I got sent to Pusat, while the other three with dime-a-dozen representations all were released after that!

But the point is; I *tend* to voice out anything and everything. And I’m a bit worried about next week at the mahkamah syariah. That’s because there are things that I feel I’ve been wronged by; and a few people whom I feel I should extract `something’ from `and cause to happen’… I can only hope I will be able to refrain.

@Distractor
No, nothing to sorok-sorok Nor… and thinking of how happy actually kalaulah ada apa-apa. Dan bila takde, rasa jugak sedihnya. Because the reality is… well, what I face now. Now, jadi tak berani nak fikir or cita-cita much – just swallow the bitterness. And just hope I don’t/won’t spit out some of it and direct to others. I really hope so… just take in all the bitterness and to not let it contaminate others; hoping to God that I will be the better for doing so.

Dont be sad.. there will be one out there who is deeply interested in you cuma that particular person tak realise yet..

But know this, from all the comments that i’ve read in you entire blog, 99% of the women in here like you, 50% of them love you as a brother/uncle/friend including me.. the men in your blog comments sounds like they also like/love you…

Distractor,
NO, it’s nothing to do with you at all, really. Now I feel guilty since you’re feeling bad due to my not writing a REAL reply to your comment… It’s something that had suddenly diverted my mind and had carried me to crisscross with the elements of what you had written. But really, Nor – the sadness had nothing to do with you or what you sakat:-)

One of the things that I was thinking about was in having dreams, cita-cita… things that give you hope, drive you. And of how easy it is sometimes to have your dreams crushed, leaving you with no cita-cita.

Oh, my youngest son wants to transfer some files sebentar… Later. Or another time.

A nice blog you have here bro. A very interesting read indeed. Congratulations. However I did realise that something has gone amiss in the list of songs you uploaded to your iPod. I’m not going to brag here, I’ll just send the songs to you via email.