Friday, June 29, 2007

Of course life comes at ya in LARGE chunks and there is little time for hobbies ... such as blogging. Below is the post I was working on ...

Music at It's Finest

Last night I went to opening night at Muskegon's Summer Celebration. First headliner of the 11-day long festival ... 'Weird Al' Yankovic. Hilarious show. Many, many costume changes, from Amish, to Puff Daddy, to Michael Jackson (fat and skinny), to Jedi Knight, and to Rage Against the Machine. And in between each costume change, they showed "Al TV" segments from when MTV was good.

... which is now completely obsolete and removed from my brain since it was so long ago.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Today is about rating movies that I saw over the weekend. The title of this post refers to a very good movie that everyone should see. I rated each movie on multiple different systems, so that you can gauge accuracy on your particular method. Thumbs up/down, A.B.C.D.F. grade system, and number of stars out of 5. But anyway, I went to the drive-in movie theater on Friday with the family. Great place, and a double-feature for the price of one movie, and the kids can (for the most part) be as loud as they want. First movie:

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (official site)This sequel was not as bad as the 2nd movie, but also not as good as the first. Not a lot of quick-witted, snappy one liners, which I think are funny, but the plot was very good. It took a little while to get to the end scene, but it was worth the wait. Now I'm sure that the demise (if there was one) of olden day pirates was not as dramatic as portrayed in the movie, but it makes for a good visual. Disney used their money well, but as the old adage goes ... sequels suck (when compared to the original).Rating: Thumbs up, B, 3.5/5 stars

Wild Hogs (official site)This movie has an excellent cast for the type of movie that it is, slap-stick comedy. It didn't make me laugh out loud, but a lot of the slap-stick was very funny and the plot did move right along. There was only one problem with this movie: Ray Liotta. For some reason, ever since Goodfellas, I can appreciate, nor like him in any other role. For me, he ruins movies everywhere he goes. This movie was good nonetheless. Good family movie, but wait for the DVD. No distinct advantage to seeing it in the theater.Rating: Thumbs up, A-, 4/5 stars

The next couple of movies we rented, and thank God I didn't see some of these in the theater. I would have stabbed myself.

My Super Ex-GirlfriendMy nephew thought this movie would be funny ... it wasn't. This movie is about a guy, whose girlfriend is a super hero and turns out to be a super freak. Needless to say, he breaks up with her for a normal bitchy girlfriend. The super hero retaliates. Terrible plot, terrible writing. It's a shame it has a decent cast. I fell asleep during this movie at one particular point. See if you can figure out why. As one of the "I hate you" moves done by the super hero, she throws a live great white shark into his 10+ floor New York apartment. It tries to eat him. End consciousness.Rating: Thumbs down, F, 0.5/5 stars

Ghost Rider (official site)I really liked this movie and wish I could have seen it in the theater. I am very partial to movies about God and satan, such as The Devil's Advocate and Stigmata. This movie does not disappoint in that respect. Good visuals and decent acting although Nicholas Cage would not have been my first choice.Rating: Thumbs up, A, 4.5/5 stars

The Pursuit of Happyness (official site)I didn't think this movie would be any good, mostly because I don't like movies about true events. I like to keep my mind floating in fantasy land and stay away for real (hence my blog name). This movie did surprise me, it was witty and funny in some parts, but also made you feel genuine feeling for the Will Smith character. He is Hollywood's premier actor in my opinion.Rating: Thumbs up, B, 3/5 stars

Yes, I did see a lot of movies this weekend, but that's what I do with kids running around.

Friday, June 22, 2007

I was gonna write about something else, but something really pissed me off today. Let me paint the picture.

Nice warm day outside. Drove into work with the windows down. No traffic to be seen. Smooth sailing all the way in. Get to work and go into the break room, and Surprise, donuts !! Lovely donuts for all to enjoy. Sounds good, right. Day couldn't be any better so far. The gods are smiling on me. I scan the selection of donuts, all very tempting. Then I spot it. The donut WITHOUT the hole. It's girth also doubles the size of any of it's neighbors. Conclusion: must be jam packed with something: creme, custard, jelly. The suspense thick. I take a bite.

BLAMO !!! Right in the face, but not literally as I expected.

A donut, huge donut, with NO hole, but also with NO filling. (Queue the evil organ music) Why have the fates damned me so? Why can't they just let me live my life. What possessed devil made such a large, holeless donut with nothing in the center other than .... dough? Was it a conspiracy? Was I on TV? I've been punked haven't I? This donut contradicts everything I stand for. Let me explain.

I have a food item mathematical equation that makes choosing food a breeze. That equation: Maximize your Mass per Dollar (mass/$) with every food item. This donut defied me and gave me false data. (Please forget that fact that I did not actually purchase the donuts, therefore making my Mass/$ coefficient infinity) It's mass seemed quite large, and the presence of a filling created a much denser and therefore much larger massed item. But, without the filling ... only fluffy dough present, destroying such mass as I hold so dear.

I ate the donut. Got some coffee. Wrote this blog. Maybe I'll center my being with another donut. One deemed more worthy. One with unlimited Mass/$ potential. One not made by Satan himself.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

First of all, thanks to those of you reading this. If you don't understand the title of this blog and why I'm doing it, stop reading reading now, I don't need your business. Come to think of it, I really don't need anyone's business. This blog is for masturbatory purposes only. And keep your mind out of the gutter (I saw that). I am also not a ligician (linguistic magician), so no comments, otherwise I will rip you a new one on this very blog. Here we go:

Yesterday, my wife and I played in our 1 of 2 SLOW-PITCH co-ed softball leagues. Had a double-header, lost 1 and tied 1. That's ok, but here's what really bothers me: males that take walks in a slow-pitch softball league. The purpose of "slow-pitch" is that the ball is lobbed at you to "hit it". Not to watch it go by in the hopes that the non-professional softball pitcher will not hit the strike zone. The pitcher will NOT hit the strike zone 9 out of 10 times. That person has a real job that does not require him/her to place a ball in a 2x2 ft area from 40 ft away. It makes for a really boring game for one, and it makes me want to trip that person as they trot around the bases. I always have the overwhelming urge (in which I always indulge) to yell "Rec League !!" No one standing around this field is staking their life or money on this game in which most people are just trying to get the end so they can drink themselves silly at the bar. If you want to get walked, just stand at the plate with a slouched back, and the bat dangling off your shoulder, and wait ... for me to come over to you kick your a$$.

In 1 of the games yesterday, I got called out because of too many foul balls. Fine by me, they were all decent pitches. Not great or perfect, just decent. That's all I expect. But then when the pitcher of the other team walks to the plate, no f!@#$@ courtesy. He doesn't even look like he wants to hold the bat. Sad.

Now some of you may be saying, "He said males that take walks, not females!" Well, I did. If a female comes to bat looks more than capable of hitting the ball, then fine, I'll hate her too. Same goes the other way. If your capable, hit the ball. Statistics fall towards the male being better at hitting a ball in a recreational league in the middle of Michigan. If you don't like it, tell me ... and cover your groin area.

That's it for the first one. Hope you liked/hated it. Also if you have some good topics, let me know. Who knows, I may agree with you.