acting.

ive been "successfully" hiding my depression/self harm for 6 years... the only people who know think/ or ive lied and told them ive stopped.. im to the point where i need help, i know it. but the only thing ive pushed myself to do is to find a website... i can't verbalize my feelings.. how can i stop or even try to tell someone in athority that can help me when i cant even vocalize what im doing to myself.

I completely know what you're going through. I can't verbalize my feelings either, except to say "I'm severely depressed." but when they ask "are you having suicidal thoughts?" I lie and say no. Every time. So I've been successfully hiding my feelings too. So know you are absolutely not alone in that.
Your best option is to show someone you trust your scars ( a parent, maybe, or a teacher or a close friend or a religious leader?) and tell them you need help. That's all you really need to say to get ahold of someone professional who understands your problems. Or go to an ER and tell them you're cutting, they might be able to help you if you feel your problem is an emergency. There are evidently a lot of cheaper community clinics that you may be able to go to for your self harm and depression, you may want to check something like that out.
And know you are not alone. :hug: Feel free to PM me if you need to talk.

Anyway, I know how you are feeeling. I do the same thing. I hide it from most people I know. ONly sometimes they start to worry more when I struggle to hide it as I just go in to hibernation and don't leave my room. So they think it is worse than what things could be.

I would suggest writing a letter. It will help you articulate it for yourself and will be easier than you having to explain everything. It's why I keep a blog so I can articulate things to myself and gets my thoughts in order.

So write a letter. Send it to your doc or who you wanted to tell and then at least you have the hardst bit over. They would probably have questions but answers are easier when you have prompts and you are not just winging it.