Seven quick takes

Thursday, June 25, 2015

Oh, hey there. Yeah, I write here sometimes. There was a hiatus. That's how exhausted I was from Disney. Joking. Sort of. Life has been busy and mostly good, but there are still Many Feelings about lots of things, and some were kind of dark and tangled and raw and not ready for posting here. Anyhow.

1. I'm running again. Quite a bit. I'm addicted to running all over again. Many circumstances have turned me into an early morning runner, and I love it. I love being out when it's cooler, and there's not much traffic, and only a few runners and dog walkers. I love being done and having my miles logged before everyone else starts their day. (Frankly, I'm a little smug about it. I ran 3.5 miles! What did you do before 7:30 am?) I'd probably go even earlier and more often if it were easier to drag Seth out of bed to keep Ajax from destroying the house. But sweetie is not a morning person. I log my miles on Runkeeper (hey, friend me on there if you want!), and also post on a Facebook group, the 1K Wonders. I'm signed up for a 1-day, 6 leg, 6 person relay in September, and I want to be as fit as I can for that. Even after I'm done with my run for the day, I'm still hungry for more miles. It makes me feel strong.

2. The other reason I'm trying so hard to be strong and fit is so that I can be in the best possible shape for the upcoming surgeries on my head. They're coming soon. Too soon. Not soon enough. I hate having them loom darkly overhead, but I want to get them the fuck over with as well. Tentative date for inserting tissue expanders is July 20 or 27. Then 8 or 10 or so weeks later is the big, bad, ugly tissue rearrangement. Here are the worst parts for me: (1) the immediate pre-surgery prep. The anticipation is sickening and awful. The IV hurts like a bitch when they put it in. I wish I could be drunk or drugged or something already when I get to the hospital, just so I don't fucking care. (2) Leaving my kids, my family, my home for a night or more. First surgery will have an overnight stay, second one probably more than one night, for pain management. It kills me to leave Helene and Ajax and not be there for them, not be there to help Seth, not be in my own house, my own bed. (3) The recovery time during which I won't be able to run, when I'll feel hurt and weak. (4) The miserably long time that I'm going to have to wait to do anything with my hair. I'm getting the ends cut soon, and then I won't be able to do anything at all for months and months. Someday, when all the surgeried/shaved bits grow out, maybe I'll get it all cut short. I don't know. I hate not knowing.

3. I've been a hair obsessed with new running gear, since I'm running all the time. New shorts, shirts, bras, socks, & headbands are entering the house. Running socks have come a long way. I love that I can now get bright pink ones.

4. Let's talk about fitness headbands. Whether you need to cover hideous bald spots (like me) or just need a great headband to tame your hair and stay in place for whatever your workout is, the Lululemon headbands win. I have bought All The Headbands in the last several months. Amazon, Etsy, sports stores, yoga stores. I have bought them all. I've bought three different styles from Lululemon, and they all rock. Honorable mention does go to Greecie Girl headbands on Etsy.

5. Helene graduated from kindergarten. This year was not everything I wanted out of kindergarten. There were extenuating circumstances: she had a teacher (Ms. P) who was new to the school and to DC Public Schools (but a 20+ year teaching vet). Ms. P also got very ill early in the school year with viral meningitis. I think that illness triggered other health issues, and the teacher was just absent a lot, including at least a solid month with viral meningitis and related issues. The assistant teacher they started out with, Mr. M, was beloved by the kids, but did not get along with Ms. P. So they moved Mr. M to a different class, and had an endless string of subs until the last two months of school, when a "permanent" assistant was assigned to the class. Ms. P seemed overwhelmed by everything and seemed unable to manage, control, and discipline the class, which had a couple of kids in it with special behavioral and learning issues. I had eyewitness accounts from the other class parent, who had similar frustrations to ours. We got emails and notes about Helene's bad behavior, and we'd find out later that she was not the only kid involved (as the notes seemed to indicate) and that she had co-conspirators. Helene was one of 3 kids in the most advanced reading group, and she complained that Ms. P never spent time with their group, but was always with the other, less proficient groups. I thought, really, already, this is a problem already? I have a bright kid. If she's bored, she misbehaves, as would most kids. Kindergarten was also shockingly academic (hello Common Core!). I'm not looking forward to the potential years of standardized testing ahead, and am hoping our school will opt out in some way. And at the end of the year, yet another batch of families left our school system for a charter or a private school (even though our schools are good) which just makes me sad. Yeah. Kindergarten was not my favorite. I really, really hope first grade is better. We want so much to be committed to our neighborhood school, because it is good! We don't want to leave! I'm chalking this year up as "new teacher issues." We've met all the first grade teachers and were very impressed at their energy and articulate expression. Fingers crossed.

First & last days of kindergarten.

6. My baby boy Ajax is starting part time preschool in September. MY BABY BOY! He'll be going three mornings a week to a Jewish-oriented private/co-op preschool. It seems outstanding, and has gotten rave reviews from many friends. As part of the co-op, one of us will be in his class for one morning a month. Yay! The FORMS however, to get cleared to be in the class one morning a month, are crazy. Three sorts of background checks, CPR class, health form (I have to find a new primary care doctor so I can get it filled out. Whee!), and that's just US. Not even Ajax. More forms for him! School = death by form.

Ajax & two of his friends at the park. He looks kinda ready, doesn't he?

7. Our beloved, amazing, wonderful nanny Janine will be leaving us in the fall to go to nursing school full time. I can barely think about this. I was so hoping she could be with us until Ajax goes to our neighborhood public school in fall 2016 (we have public preschool here in DC, so he starts at age 3). So we need to find someone for one year. It's so exhausting, and disheartening, and hard. I think I am just going to have to realize we won't find someone as exceptional as Janine. She does things I can't expect of everyone, like drive Ajax to our pool, and play with him there all day. But she has to get on with her life, and go be a nurse, and not be a nanny forever. Our comfort level with her is so high. Part of it is that I am going to be at home all the time for several months, with all the procedures on my head. It's going to be unsightly and uncomfortable, so I'm working at home for the duration. I wish I didn't have to get used to someone new in my house all over again. I wish Janine could stay.

8. I'm tacking this one on, because I've been thinking about it a lot. I think I'm done running with headphones. I used to be a "OMG CANNOT RUN WITHOUT HEADPHONES" person. I hated hearing my own breathing, and I needed the music to distract me from the effort of running. Since the accident, I've been struggling with my headphones. I don't think having them on that day contributed to the accident, but a nagging voice says what if they did? I get heart-poundingly terrified to cross streets at least half the time. I no longer believe cars will stop at lights or stop signs. I hesitate, look 10 times across all the streets, even when there's no traffic near. Engine noises a block away make me jump. I see other runners, walkers, drivers, cyclists doing stupid, stupid things that also upset me and make my heart pound. Armchair psychiatry says I have a mild case of PTSD. Duh. So remember how on the West Wing, after Josh was shot, he couldn't stand listening to music and would lose his shit because it sounded like sirens to his brain? I tried running without headphones last week, and I was like 40% more relaxed. I think it was just too much noise, and I still ran with music because I always ran with music, but I don't need it or want it any more. My senses want to be attuned to everything around me, with no distractions. My brain has enough going on without that overlay. If I'm ever training for a longer race, and logging lots of miles on street-free paths or trails, maybe I'll want music again. Until then, I've found unexpected peace in running without it.

Friday, October 03, 2014

1. It was our anniversary this week - October 1, no. 9 in a continuing series. We went out last Saturday night, as fancy dinner on a work/school night is just too damn hard. Our restaurant of choice was Oyamel, which I adore, and not just for the divine Oyamel margarita, which has the most amazing sea salt foam on top. Jose Andres is one of my chef crushes - he never rests on his laurels, and isn't afraid to change up/freshen up his enormously successful restaurants. Our first date was at Zaytinya, another of his restaurants, so he's practically responsible for us getting married. Last year, we went to Jaleo for a fancy lunch, on our anniversary and the first day of the 3-week Federal government shutdown. There's definitely a theme here - thanks Jose!

2. Seth surprised me for our anniversary by having my wedding band remade. The original was a custom made piece in white gold, to match my antique family heirloom engagement ring. It turned out that I was unfortunately allergic to the alloy in the wedding band's white gold, and it got to the point where I couldn't even wear the band for an hour without my finger getting itchy and red and irritated. (Interestingly, I've never been allergic to my antique engagement ring - so weird.) So, I haven't worn my wedding band at all for several years. I'd planned to get it remade in platinum, which I'm not allergic to. But it cost a lot of money, other things seemed more important, etc. Seth sneaked the band out of my jewelry drawer, and took it back to the jeweler, who got it done just in time. I'm thrilled to have the band back - I had missed it.

3. We got family photos done a couple of weeks ago, and my children were seriously the worst children EVER during a photo session. No, yours were not as bad as mine. Mine were the worst. As in, to the point that we may have to do another 30 minutes with the photographer to get a shot of all four of us together. I made a rookie error and did it at 5 in the afternoon. From now until forever, all photo sessions will be in the MORNING, when children are happier. Ajax literally went boneless and flopped on the ground at least seventeen times while I tried to coax him into a photo with all four of us. Helene dunked her hair in the (probably filthy) fountain pool in Senate Park. Ajax pulled about $6,000 worth of lenses out of the photographer's unattended bag - fortunately, we were on the grass. I haven't seen the proofs yet - if there's a decent shot of all four of us? DONE.

4. I have been beating off anxiety about the fact that WINTER IS COMING. I have complete PTSD from last year, with all of Ajax's illnesses, the cancelled school days, etc. I hate the dark days, the cold days where we can't be outside much. I'm trying to be hopeful that it won't be as bad. Ajax will be able to go out in the snow this year. He isn't so little and doesn't put so many things in his mouth, and we have A Plan to deal with his breathing issues, so I hope he will be healthier. Everyone ALREADY has boots and snow pants, because I am nothing if not prepared. If this winter is at all like last winter, however, you may find me booking an emergency mental health tropical family vacation, despite Ajax's low tolerance for plane flights. It will be a matter of survival.

5. I am trying to enjoy fall. I love the weather, I love the color of the falling leaves. My lack of autumn enjoyment is strictly based on the fact that it immediately precedes winter. We're going decorative gourd shopping tomorrow, which is always fun, and very photogenic. I think I am even going to get one of the REALLY BIG pumpkins (as in: weighs more than my older child) to use for fall decor and make into a jack o' lantern. I regretted not doing it last year.

See? Ridiculously cute.

6. I have been somewhat obsessed recently with finding cute/pretty dresses for work and fun. Because I am large-busted, but otherwise on the petite side, dresses are a giant pain in the ass to buy. So many of the ones that are belted or seamed at what is allegedly the waist just end up with those belts and seams in all the wrong places. (What, the belt is supposed to be right up at your bra underwire, you say?) I have to buy things that fit my chest and go from there. Macy's has this American Living line of jersey dresses that are unexpectedly great, and fit me with no alterations. They have shirring and stretch in all the right places and are surprisingly flattering. And inexpensive! And machine washable! I bought this one in cranberry, and may be back for more.

7. Summer, man. I miss it. Pool laundry aside, there are fewer clothes to put on, it's easier to entertain the children, because OUTSIDE ALL THE TIME. I miss Martha's Vineyard. I wish we lived closer, and could go more off-season. Maybe when the children are older. I have dreams of doing Christmas there. Or maybe on a tropical island, because SUMMER.

Friday, April 04, 2014

1. I can't stop thinking about Relisha Rudd, an 8-year old girl who has been missing in DC for over a month. This case gets more horrifying by the day. She lived in a homeless shelter that had been established ad hoc by DC in the old DC General building. Her mother never reported her missing, allegedly fearing that her other two children would be taken from her. Relisha's school reported her absence, after what seems like a long time. Relisha was believed to be with Kahlil Tatum, a janitor at the homeless shelter. Other residents of the shelter reported that Tatum would offer them money ($20 or $30) to take their daughters with him for god knows what. Relisha's mother allowed her to go with Tatum. He was reported to have purchased a large number of black plastic trash bags before going to Kenilworth Gardens, a National Park near where he lived. He apparently shot and killed his wife in a motel sometime before doing this, and was charged in her murder. Police searched the park, finding no trace of Relisha, but finding Tatum dead of an apparent suicide. Now, they're looking for another man, who may know something about Relisha.

Everything about this story is wrong. This little girl was so compromised, at every turn. I can't read too much about the story, because it sickens me, but I want to know what happened to this girl. No child should ever, ever, EVER have to live like this. I wish, in all fanciful worlds, that she could be found, and loved, and treasured. But I don't think that's how this story will end. What in the hell is wrong with the world that this happens to little 8-year old girls?

2) March, I do not miss you. Your effing snowstorms and school closures and broken dishwashers and germs can go to hell. I joked that if I recited the baby's afflictions from March, it started to sound like the recitation of the plagues from a Passover seder. So, here we go (pour wine as necessary): lower intestinal distress; hand, foot, and mouth; cold; conjunctivitis; double ear infection; ANOTHER cold, this time with rapid breathing & wheezing. So we ended March with another hospital ER visit, another round of albuterol breathing treatments, and (thankfully) got sent home after a couple of hours this time, but with an albuterol inhaler and a dose of oral steroids. This unfortunately might be his thing. He might have asthma. We can't know yet -it's too soon to diagnose. But now I know what to DO when his breathing scares me. And if he does have asthma? This is manageable. Seth has it. This is nothing, we can do this, especially when we look at our friends whose kids are battling far worse, like leukemia.

3) Remember the dishwasher? It's still not quite exactly perfectly fixed, but it runs. Lesson learned: call the manufacturer first. Our dishwasher is a Miele, and once we called them, and ditched the other service company? Things did get a bit better. They have outstanding customer service. Miele even talked to the repair company (which is a department of the appliannce store that we bought all our appliances from - they were excellent there) and basically got us our money back for that botched repair. They got our dishwasher to run, in a rigged fashion, but are waiting on more parts to put in so it will run RIGHT. The totals: 5 total service visits (2 from first company, 3 from Miele), with one more visit pending; 6+ weeks without a running dishwasher; 812 paper plates; one million dollars in takeout and wine coping. What a fucking odyssey. It did make me really, really, really appreciate my dishwasher, though.

4) Oh yeah. The germs that have been taking out Ajax? Also took out our nanny. She had a sinus infection, conjunctivitis, and an ear infection, courtesy of our little balls of microbes. This is someone who's worked with kids for years, and who never gets sick. Yeah, don't mess with my kid's germs. Good grief. So, that's been some fun work/leave/childcare juggling.

5) BUT SPRING APPEARS TO BE HERE. There has been SUN and WARMTH, and RUNNING OUTSIDE. And no one is ever allowed to go inside ever again where there are GERMS.

6) I bought this fancy makeup set on Haute Look to make me feel better:

7) And this yellow envelope clutch on eBay:

It's been a long winter. I have to be properly ready for spring and summer.