Friday, December 26, 2014

Tonight I walked again, this time to a new family dollar that has opened near my flat. I fondly recall the days I would hit all of them up for cccs and generic dph, but thankfully those days are behind me now. I encountered a friend of mine who is currently living as a nomad on the way back to my place, he asked me to buy him a beer and I refused, as he already had a fifth of liquor in his hand. I have told him before that I would help him get onto disability, but he says that he doesn't want to because he's "not crazy", which makes sense, but humbling in some ways and a bit humiliating when you have to jump through the inane pedantic hoops that come with the territory. Today I went to my neighbors house to see how she was doing and a child answered the door. I asked my neighbor how she was doing and she started yelling at the kid, calling her stupid and such for not seeing who answered the door, but she had just done that, so it made me sad. People in impoverished areas are very often shouldering more burdens than they take, but the negativity is like water, it always flows downward and the smaller things get covered in it quickest. I love children so much, but I'm terrified to look them in the eyes because I know what innocence looks like, and few children have that anymore. Also babies have too much innocence and they see through my imposing exterior and make me want to cry or hold them, but that would just get me put in jail these days XD

I'm behind on all of my writing projects but that's nobody's fault but mine, I should work harder on scheduling work for the mornings when my gaf meter isn't all the way down to the id level.

Here's some art by my sister, she's incredibly talented, but wonderfully hardheaded, just like me when I was that age. I'm almost certain that the Lord sent her to me to see how hard it will be if I am ever given the privelege of raising a daughter.