Ed Koch’s Tombstone

My father is Jewish, my mother is Jewish, I am Jewish.

With the words he chose to be inscribed on his tombstone, Ed Koch, the iconic New York Mayor who passed away last Friday, made it very clear how he wanted most to be remembered.

And they reminded me of a family disagreement in which I had to acknowledge that I was wrong and my daughter was right.

It was a number of years ago when my daughter Tamar was making plans to apply to law school. Having gotten a perfect score on her LSAT exam, the highest mark in the country, she wasn’t nervous about getting accepted at one of the top universities. But she knew that an important element that would be considered by the very best schools was the essay she had to submit explaining why she had chosen law as a career and defining herself as a person.

When she told me she had finished writing it, I asked if I might see it. As I began to read it I found myself filled with apprehension. Her opening words were “I am an Orthodox Jew.” She continued by linking the Jewish love for law with its divine origin at Sinai. She explained that her love for Torah made her seek a way to seek the betterment of the world through a commitment to legal redress for the innocent and lawful punishment for the criminal.

Her presentation was masterful, yet I was afraid. Afraid because I was part of a generation that still bore the emotional scars of centuries of anti-Semitism. Afraid because I had lived through the years of the Holocaust and been forced to leave the land of my birth when a Nazi takeover threatened. Afraid because even though I now live in “the land of the free” I still didn’t feel free enough to believe that my daughter could openly identify herself as an Orthodox Jew without subjecting herself to prejudiced repercussions.

“I don’t think you should send the essay in the way it is,” I advised my daughter. Tamar thought about what I said. Respectfully she concluded she had to be true to herself. She decided that if by identifying herself through her faith she was closing the door to professional advancement, she would rather not enter those portals. “And who knows,” she added, “perhaps the fact that I take pride in my heritage will be viewed as a positive.”

Yes, my daughter did get accepted to every one of the top law schools in the country. Now fast forward a decade to learn the real end of the story. I was teaching a class at Yeshiva University when a young man knocked on the door. I immediately recognized him as a former student. Out of breath, he told me he rushed up from Columbia University Law School because he had to share the story of what had just happened in one of his classes.

The conversation had turned into a discussion about the required essays. Someone asked the professor, “Now that we’re in the school, can you tell us what exactly you were looking for in those essays?” The professor responded that he couldn’t really put it into words but he could only give a general guideline by referencing what he felt was the best essay they had ever received. He recalled that it was written by some girl with a strange last name that’s difficult to pronounce – “something like Blech.”

I assured him that indeed it was my daughter, and that I was so grateful to him for sharing it with me. I also confessed how I almost messed it up by suggesting to my daughter that it was too dangerous to be submitted as written!

If taking pride in one’s identity proved to be helpful rather than hindrance to Tamar, it is certainly instructive to learn how much this trait meant to the former Mayor of New York city.

As the eulogies are offered and the tributes pour in with a lengthy list of Ed Koch’s accomplishments, there are so many things the mayor could have been proud of. Yet what Koch chose to stand in perpetuity as a summary of his life’s meaning were the last words of Daniel Pearl before he was brutally murdered by Pakistani terrorists: My father is Jewish, my mother is Jewish, I am Jewish

Two years before his death, in his personal blog in the Huffington Post, What’s On My Tombstone And Why, Koch told his readers that this was what he had prepared to be inscribed as his epitaph. So strongly did he feel about the importance of this recognition for every Jew that he added, “I believe those words should be part of the annual services on the Jewish High Holiday of Yom Kippur, and should be repeated by the congregants”.

Beneath this powerful expression of identity, Koch commissioned the inscription of the Shema in Hebrew and English followed by these words: "He was fiercely proud of his Jewish faith. He fiercely defended the City of New York and he fiercely defended its people. Above all, he loved his country, the United States of America, in whose armed forces he served in World War II."

Koch did not hesitate to define himself in this sequence – a proud Jew, a loving New Yorker and a patriotic American.

In accord with his wishes, the words by his grave express with pride the last words of Daniel Pearl.

Is it merely coincidence then that Ed Koch died on the first day of February, the very day on which Daniel Pearl was murdered exactly 11 years ago?

Featured at Aish.com:

About the Author

Rabbi Benjamin Blech, a frequent contributor to Aish, is a Professor of Talmud at Yeshiva University and an internationally recognized educator, religious leader, and lecturer. Author of 14 highly acclaimed books with combined sales of over a half million copies, his newest, The World From A Spiritual Perspective, is a collection of over 100 of his best Aish articles. See his website at www.benjaminblech.com.

Visitor Comments: 103

Don't matter where he was buried, his words on the stone speak for itself. The prayer on the bottom shines more than where he was buried.

(59)
Anonymous,
February 28, 2013 10:02 PM

Ed IKoch died earlier this month and the headstone is already in place? It has a masterful inscription but I am surprised that it already in place.

(58)
Jack Spantz,
February 19, 2013 4:00 PM

How low can Mariane stoop?

In reply to Mariane Buddhist, also to *Hank*: How dare you question Daniel Pearl's Jewish devotion? You scoff that he died with "I am Jewish" on his lips. What did he have to do to prove Jewishness to you?!! He played the violin since childhood -- do you scoff that too? Plus which, he did so many other things that show his Jewish pride. He grew a beard in his final days; this shows that he was probably a baal teshuvah.
Its true that he denounced the state of Israel for its *massacres* of *children" in that video, but I know that he was forced to say that. Daniel Pearl was a great *Jewish* hero, don't try to drag down this Jewish martyr and holy man.

(57)
Adrienne Cole,
February 13, 2013 12:59 AM

This is beautiful.

This essay touched me--the beauty and the honesty. Truly a wonderful thing. Thank you so much for sharing it.

(56)
Anonymous,
February 12, 2013 2:55 AM

cemetery choice

I find it strange that Ed Koch picked a Catholic Cemetery to be buried in. I understand he wanted to be buried in his beloved Manhattan and this is the only working cemetery there. However with such strong Jewish feelings I would think he would pick the Bronx and a Jewish one.

Anonymous,
January 1, 2014 9:53 PM

Genius

Would it be possible for this proud statement of jewish identity to be heard as well anywhere else?

(55)
Evelyn,
February 11, 2013 6:22 PM

What about converts to Jaudaism?

I am a convert - I converted at the age of 40. I cannot say that My mother was Jewish, My father was Jewish , I am Jewish. I can however say I am Jewish because I choose to be.

Jose kliksberg,
February 12, 2013 4:07 AM

Kol ha kabod and welcome to the tribe, very inspiring words, yosi

Kol ha cabod!

(54)
Mariane Buddhist,
February 10, 2013 12:27 AM

Pearl was no Ed Koch

Daniel Pearl seems to have been a remarkable, brilliant and loving person. His murder by cowardly fanatics was despicable.
BUT -- as I understand it, Pearl basically abandoned Judaism. He came from deeply Jewish and deeply Zionist roots, but he married a non-Jew. He considered himself a citizen of the world, shedding the parochialness of his ancestral faith. That is his right, of course. But he isn't a JEWISH hero.
Then why did he declare his Jewishness in his dying words? My best guess is that his captors ordered him to say it.
Daniel Pearl said "I am Jewish," etc. But his wife is not jewish. His son, born after his murder, is NOT Jewish. Ed Koch was, in contrast, a very proud Jew. Koch let you know he was a Jew. Pearl seems to have been the opposite..
Not to diminish Daniel Pearl's significant life and horrible death, but he basically rejected his Jewishness; Koch reveled in it.
God bless Daniel Pearl. But I think Rabbi Blech is off the mark.

Miriam,
February 10, 2013 1:36 PM

How do you know they forced Pearl to say that?

Could be his Jewish spark awoke in that moment before his death or during his time of captivity.
In any case, someone who is killed because he is a Jew is considered a "kadosh", holy, regardless of the life he led before his death.

Hank,
February 10, 2013 5:41 PM

MB said "My best *guess*"

Miriam: What's the basis of your heading "How do you know they forced Pearl to say that?"? Mariane Buddhist specified, "My best *guess* is that his captors ordered him to say it." Mariane -- while writing respectfully of both Pearl and Koch -- enlightens us by noting an ironic juxtaposition.

Randy,
February 11, 2013 8:47 PM

only one Ed Koch

There is a phrase that goes, "Once a Catholic, always a catholic." I imagine that perhaps it can be said for being a Jew. I don't know enough about Daniel Pearl to speak with certainty; therefore, I can neither agree nor disagree that he abandoned Judaism or rejected his Jewishness. Maybe he abandoned/rejected the practice, but still held to the faith. Whatever the case may be, Mr. Pearl's statement impressed Mr. Koch enough to have it engraved on his headstone.

Bruno Frydman,
February 13, 2013 8:08 AM

Pearl was as Jewish as Koch and as all of us Jews

It is not because you do not practice the Jewish religion or even if you are agnostic that you abandon Judaism. Being Jewish is not a Faith. It is a state!

carolyn,
February 14, 2013 9:02 PM

I choose to be a kind Jew

All Jews are connected and yet you question Daniel Pearls dying words. His lack of observance did not change the fact he was a Jew, and a good man. Something in his life made him disconnect from his roots. Redemption and salvation can come at anytime, he may have found it in this moment of truth, and he did pay the ultimate price. I can't imagine his fear or how he kept his composure knowing that his brutal murder was going to be filmed, and how painful it would be that other Jews, like yourself would not believe him. Better to declare your Jewishness in your last words than not at all. I am a convert, my mother was not a Jew. My disconnection was 3 generations ago. If I was in the same situation as Daniel Pearl would you doubt me too? Where is your compassion and love for your fellow less than perfect Jew? What if Pearl's son decides to convert when he is old enough? My take on Koch's inscription that includes Pearl shows the importance of Jewish unity. I believe that you can find your way back, I did, and it was through kindness that I found it. What if a " culturally" Jewish interfaith married man saves 1,000 Jewish lives along with yours, do you consider him a non-Jewish hero? His Jewishness is not gone, its in there somewhere. Reach out with kindness if you want to help him find it. The repair and healing of one of us heals us all!

Hank,
February 19, 2013 6:04 AM

MB *praises* Pearl

Carolyn: You seem to say that Mariane Buddhist denies that Daniel Pearl was "a good man." Actually, Mariane leads with "Daniel Pearl seems to have been a remarkable, brilliant and loving person" and adds "God bless Daniel Pearl." Beyond that, though, Mariane is eminently reasonable in questioning whether Pearl -- who stood for universality rather than for his Jewish heritage -- chose his final words rather than having those words forced upon him by his fanatically anti-Jewish executioners.

Moira,
February 17, 2013 7:18 PM

I am Jewish

I believe that Daniel Pearl was told to say these words because I don't see how anyone would have known he said it unless there was a non terrorist witness to his murder. It sounds like the kind of thing the terrorists would have made him say. He was still a Jew. Just as many Christians will say they are when they no longer practice the faith.

(53)
Laura G,
February 9, 2013 3:20 PM

Truth

Thanks for mentioning that the terrorist was Muslim. PC should be dead, along with the terrorists. Not mentioning who the bad guys really are does no service to any of us.

(52)
Anonymous,
February 8, 2013 8:24 PM

My LAW SCHOOL EXPERIENCE

I could not get into the law school affiliated with my undergrad Univ as they don't like taking their own grads. I was 18th on the waiting list to get into another local Law Sch. In the end it was lech lecha to Cleve-Marshall LawSch, I met my wife, we became BTs and moved to Telz Yeshiva

(51)
aliza,
February 8, 2013 8:06 PM

would also love to see the essay your daughter wrote.
thanks for the article,
Aliza

(50)
Boca Mom,
February 8, 2013 5:45 PM

she learned from her parents

Despite your fears, she obviously learned to be proud of her heritage from the way you and your wife raised her, despite your own fears of prejudice. This shows that deep inside, despite your fears, you knew the righ way to raise your children, and you did the right thing. And now you can celebrate others doing the right thing as well, standing proud of who they are. Anti-semites will always be there, we should not have to deny who we are for their sake, let us all try to be more like your daughter and the Most Honorable Mayor Koch and stand proud as Jews. Great article!

(49)
devorah,
February 8, 2013 1:39 AM

woul LOVE to read it

If of course your daughter would not mind you posting it I would LUV to read it.

(48)
Anonymous,
February 7, 2013 12:25 AM

Your daughter's essay

Wonder whether you would be able to retrieve this wonderful essay and perhaps share it with your faithful readers?

(47)
Eric,
February 6, 2013 11:07 PM

A story similar to your daughter

Many years ago when I was a much younger man in Manalapan, NJ, Benjamin "Buddy" Rosenberg, Z"L, the former Mayor of Manalapan told me a story that when he graduated from law school he went to work at a mostly gentile New York law firm, and there was another new hire starting with him that day who happened to also be Jewish. Buddy wore a yarmiulka, the other fellow didn't. Buddy asked to leave early on Fridays, the other guy volunteered to work late. Buddy asked for days off for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, the other guy didn't. Within a few months, Buddy was promoted to Sr. Associate, the other guy got fired. Buddy, OBM, always made a point of telling young people in the community that they should be proud to be a Jew. I always remembered that and eventually became observant and today I live with my family in Israel.

(46)
Michael,
February 6, 2013 4:13 PM

Ed Koch

The two biggest positives I could write about Ed Koch are first despite more then 60 yrs in public eye one name no one on any side called him is liar and two although there were many things I disagreed with him about I (like most nyers) always trusted him.

(45)
rifka,
February 6, 2013 4:07 AM

church burial

It was wonderful reading the tombstone,but I was dismAyed to read that he was buried in church graveyard to remain in n.y.so n.y.,but so not jewish!

Blair,
February 6, 2013 2:38 PM

he spoke with Rabbis

The late great Mayor Koch spoke with several Rabbis to make sure that being buried on non denominational trinity church cemetary was "kosher " they said yes its fine .,;)

Anonymous,
February 7, 2013 8:46 AM

Koch get a psak AND made changes re his plot

According to a NY Times interview with Ed Koch in 2008, Koch found no active Jewish cemeteries in Manhattan, and Trinity cemetery considers itself non-denominational.
But not only did Mr. Koch ask some rabbis for a psak, according to the NYT article (see http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/22/nyregion/22koch.html?_r=1& ) , he asked the cemetery, per his rabbi or rabbis, that the gate nearest his plot be inscribed as “the gate for the Jews,” which the cemetery agreed to do, and was also instructed to have rails installed around his plot, which Koch then ordered and installed. It appears that he essentially set up a Jewish cemetery within the larger area.
Something which in no way detracts from his status as a proud Jew.

Eleanor Brerman,
February 8, 2013 5:24 PM

I don't think rifka should worry about where Mayor Koch was buried. Not long ago I was forced to bury my belove mother-in-law, who survived Auschwitz, in a cemetery that was not Jewish. The rabbi in Paris first consecrated the ground, a rabbi conducted the service and kiddush was recited. I then sat shiva for her inasmuch as her son (my late husband and her only child) had predeceased her. I am raising Jewish who are raising Jewish children. In my heart all is well.

(44)
Lynn Baker,
February 6, 2013 2:19 AM

Inspirational. I am a Jew, my mother and father were Jews, my son is a Jew and I hope his children will be Jews. Our people survive and flourish because we have had leaders from Moses to Mayor Koch to guide us and courageous men from David to Daniel Pearl to reaffirm our strength and faith. Shalom Aleichem

mbrjosephs,
February 6, 2013 11:37 AM

Daniel Pearl unfortunately didn't fit your profile...

He married a non-Jewish woman and his only son is NOT Jewish!

Lisa,
February 6, 2013 1:58 PM

Daniel Perl......He was a true Jew

He died "al Kiddush Hashem".....how many can say that?

(43)
Marc Annis,
February 6, 2013 1:45 AM

He Didn't Always Place Israel's Security First

Despite the colorful figure that he was, Ed Koch seemed to be more concerned about President Obama's re-election than Israel's security. Koch supported Obama's second campaign despite Obama being one of the most hostile presidents towards Israel. With the recent appointment of Chuck Hagel for Sec'y of Defense, Ed Koch was recently quoted as saying, "“Frankly, I thought that there would come a time when he would renege on what he conveyed on his support of Israel,” (Koch said of Obama in a Jan. 7 interview with the Algemeiner, a Jewish publication. )“It comes a little earlier than I thought it would"

(42)
Myer Blatt,
February 6, 2013 1:23 AM

Agreement with sentiments.

There are not many things upon which Ed Koch and I would have agreed. His proud declarations of heritage, faith, and patriotism are among the few.
RIP, SGT Koch.
For Rabbi Blech: I raised my children in an environment where Jews are a distinct minority. I always cautioned them about drawing undue attention to themselves, but told them to never deny being Jewish. They've all turned out quite nicely.

(41)
GailHinMerrick,
February 6, 2013 1:00 AM

A Righteous Man

Ed Koch always spoke his mind and did not talk behind anyone's back. While that's not always diplomatic, at least he was honest with people.

Sonia,
February 6, 2013 9:46 AM

Public Persona Does Not Describe the Whole Man

A person by their very nature has several aspects to them. That Mayor Ed Koch had the ability to negotiate himself through the world of politics is a tribute to his skill. However, the apparent need to paint him in a one-dimensioned catagory defies logic - nor does it take into account the compromises politics by its nature requires. And only if this is mastured will a politician succeed.

(40)
Alan Schulman,
February 6, 2013 12:41 AM

Missing the point

Rabbi Blech wrote a beautiful message. Apparently it sailed over the heads of those who have to prove they are the most Jewish of all or that they can split hairs ad infinitum. Take the message for what it says and learn from it.

(39)
Judith Eisenberg Pollak,
February 5, 2013 11:01 PM

New York Times Revelation by Omission

The NYTimes reported the details of Koch's funeral at Temple Emanuel and his burial at Trinity Church Cemetery. The Times made no mention of the inscription on Koch's tombstone. I would like to send a letter to the NYTimes about this but I'm sure it would not be printed.

(38)
Nachman Kanovsky,
February 5, 2013 8:58 PM

Koch's tombstone

Daniel Pearl was not murdered by "Pakistani terrorists." He was brutally executed by Islamist Jihadists! Fundamental Islam - not Pakistan, is the enemy.

(37)
Beverly Margolis-Kurtin,
February 5, 2013 8:55 PM

"You're a fine Christian"

Living in Texas, it never fails that whenever I do something to help another person, I am told that I'm a "fine Christian." I never hesitate to correct them. "Thanks, but I'm a Jew doing what Jews do." Of course, I say that with a kind smile.
Mr. Koch was a mensch, nobody will argue about that and I'm glad that he identified himself with the same words that a victim of Jew hate said prior to his barbaric beheading.
Our children need to read this story and take it to heart before another one leaves the fold.

(36)
Loretta De Rosso,
February 5, 2013 8:08 PM

I would have loved to have known Ed Koch.

I grew up in West New York, N. J. which was a melting pot of nationalities. I'm Catholic of Italian descent and
my friends were a composite of the United Nations.
Ed Koch was a good, honest, intelligent man, "what you
saw is what you got" and I shall miss him.

(35)
Iris Zaft,
February 5, 2013 8:00 PM

Proud that he was mayor of New York

He represented the city of New York and America. Missing Him Iris Zaft

(34)
Bernard Haber,
February 5, 2013 7:46 PM

The Ed Koch Bridge, his Bridge, symbolizes, his vision of the unity of new York

As a bridge engineer, I feel nothing was more fitting than naming the 59th St Bridge "The Ed Koch Bridge". He was the Mayor of all 5 Boroughs

(33)
Amyisroelchai,
February 5, 2013 7:42 PM

Koch quote

both Daniel Pearl and Ed koch called it like it is.Mayor Ed Koch's tombstone quotes Daniel Pearl mentioning his murder at the hands of MUSLIM, not Pakistani terrorists.

(32)
Shlomo Sherman,
February 5, 2013 7:38 PM

The tombstone is very meaningful, but isn't it a year early?

My understanding of Jewish tradition and my experience of my grandparents' and parents' deaths was that the gravestone was not unveiled until the time of the 1st Yahrzeit, one year later.
I have never seen a Jewish grave with a engraved tombstone so near the death and internment. I really like what Mayor Koch's tombstone says. Just curious about the timing.

Devora,
February 6, 2013 12:29 PM

FYI: This differs widely by custom

In Israel, the norm is on the Shloshim (i.e., the 30th day after burial).
In any case, Ed Koch put up the gravestone himself, presumably because, sadly and to the best of my knowledge, he left no immediate family. And clearly, he very much wanted his message, the message on his tombstone, to get out. As clearly it has.

Michael,
February 6, 2013 4:20 PM

Ed Koch's family

He has a sister and I believe 2 brothers. 1 brother died first. He also has grand nephews and grand nieces but he wanted to plan it all out himself. Even as mayor he wrote a plan for his funeral and what he wanted on tombstone.

(31)
Ms Bo Salsberg,
February 5, 2013 7:07 PM

It's about time we Jews took responsibility for our heritage.

Respect from others comes from the way we live our life. No more excuses to hide. We are who we are and it will be a better place here on earth when all mankind can acknowledge their love of self.

Anonymous,
February 5, 2013 10:26 PM

I hope to write--

G-d willing -- I hope to have "I chose to be an Jew" on my my tombstone.
May he rest in the sweetest of slumbers.

(30)
Jack Intrator,
February 5, 2013 6:16 PM

He was the greatest Mayor of New York

I remember when in the 1970's a syrian diplomat made a complaint to the UN and Kotch said if the UN didn't like the diplomats getting tickets they should leave New York. I met Mayor Kotch several times in my life where i actually shook his hand and told him how much every New Yorker admired him. The last time was at an art exhibit about a year ago in Brooklyn. From one Jew to another restwell.

Ari,
February 6, 2013 4:03 AM

My favorite Koch quote, after the UN declared Zionism
Is racism-" the UN is a cesspool".

(29)
howard yagerman,
February 5, 2013 6:03 PM

koch ha melech

I was at the funeral and I also had the honor and privilege to
work for the Mayor.The best introduction I ever heard was from Cardinal Egan.He introduced the Mayor as follows:
Tonight we have the Mayor Ed Koch to speak to us he is the Mayor of the city and an associate of G-d's.
No one argued.

(28)
steve wise,
February 5, 2013 5:46 PM

Rabbi Blech's remarks are always cherished for their profound humanity and love of the Am and I would not be so quick to even comment on them if they were directed toward anyone else but in this rare instance Ed Koch doesn't deserve such encomium. I realize it is improper to speak ill of the dearly departed but in his case his silences meant death for many.

(27)
cliff wachtel,
February 5, 2013 5:44 PM

a class act to the end

he was one of my favorite public figures, tho disagreed at times, could always respect his position
glad to see he came up with such a fine epitaph

faye Mentin,
February 6, 2013 5:48 AM

great article

thanks for sending it to me thanks fm

(26)
Anonymous,
February 5, 2013 5:37 PM

Tombstone with no Hebrew Name

Isn't the Hebrew name given to Mayor Koch also part of his Jewish identity? No where on the tombstone does it mention his Hebrew name or that of his Mother as is customary if a Jew.

jerry,
February 5, 2013 7:17 PM

you can look at the positive....

or the negative. of course he wasn't the perfect Jew. rabbi blech isn't raising him on a pedestal. but all jews -- especially non religious ones -- can draw a lesson from him.

(25)
Dr. Harry Hamburger,
February 5, 2013 5:34 PM

Same with my son

My older boy who is applly to colleges never seemed too interesting in Judaism, despite my being a Breslev Rav, and writing Chassidic poetry daily. He recently showed me his college essay where he talkied about the influence of his mother an father. He mentioned my wife's Colombian heritage, and then talked about how his fathers Jewish faith influenced his life, and made him want to be a physician. If you want your kids to be Jewish, then be Jewish yourself......G-d will see that it sinks in eventually!

(24)
eddie sherman,
February 5, 2013 5:33 PM

great mayor - confused or ignorant Jew

Ed Koch was a great mayor who was colorful, opinionated, brash, etc – all the adjectives.
However, his choice of a burial plot is beyond belief. How a proud Jew does not want to be buried in a Jewish cemetery is beyond me.
Furthermore, Koch even after he was no longer Mayor attended “religiously” year in and year out the midnight mass at St. Patrick’s Cathedral on the eve of December 25. He even had a permanent or designated seat. Did he have a permanent seat at Temple Emanuel? Did attend services at least as many times as he visited St. Patrick’s Cathedral?
Finally, I remember watching the news after Yom Kippur ended where they showed Mayor Koch’s activities or duties during the day. Attending a synagogue service was not one of them.
Invoking the words of Daniel Pearl, hy”d, who truly died “Al Kiddush Hashem” is a mockery and insult to him and all Jews.

(23)
Miri,
February 5, 2013 5:25 PM

Incredibly written with an incredibly strong yet gentle message.

(22)
Anita L. Baron,
February 5, 2013 5:18 PM

PRIDE

I have been admonished at times for
Having "to much pride".Ed Koch has
Defined for me How "great pride" is
Different, for it runs concurrent with"
Great love"!!

(21)
John Martin,
February 5, 2013 5:17 PM

I have total respect and admiration for both Ed and his daughter and favor what is written on his tombstone.

ProfBG@nyu,
February 19, 2013 3:41 PM

The legacy lives through that fine young lady

Long live Ed's daughter!

(20)
yechezkel auerbach,
February 5, 2013 5:16 PM

unique summary

heres an interesting alternative to mr. koch's revision of the ending of the yom kippur prayer.."im jewish..i enthusiasticlly live torah and mitzvos..my kids will be jewish". its nice to get caught up in a sound bite.. but real life is lived on a constant basis.. and living jewish requires more than a catchy phrase.

(19)
Mark Lipman,
February 5, 2013 5:13 PM

possible addition to his epitaph

My father is Jewish My mother is Jewish I am Jewish
I am the last in my line who will ever make this claim
Ed Koch : died single, survived by no one to continue his Jewish heritage

Anonymous,
February 6, 2013 10:59 PM

jewish heritage

While Mayor Koch died singe, he is survived by a sister and 3 nephews and 7 grand-nephews and grand-nieces. They were his family and he loved them and was loved by them...his Jewish heritage lives on.

(18)
stephen carr,
February 5, 2013 5:09 PM

IS IT PERMISSABLE FOR A JEW TO BE BURIED IN A CHRISTIAN CEMETERY

Can you please tell me the halacha about Jewish burial. Not the Conservative verssio or the Reform version. but ththe real othodox halacha with which the Lubbavitcher Rebbe would endorse. Making an accomodation with a gate seems to me to be inaccordance with the age old rule VE DER REBBE VILL, a useful tool which individual rabbis use in America to reinterpret the halacha for their own lax selves. We may now well expect this precedent to lead to a spate of Jewish burials in churches all over the country by lapsed Jews who might find it more fashionale to be given a church funeral with or without a gate., taking thr lead from Mayor Koch. Yet a furthet slide down the slippery slope of the inevitable extinction of American Jewry, Koch's burial precedent comes on top of last night's asse2rtion by the President of all the American Federetion that NOTHING CAN NOW STOP JEWISH INTERMARRIAGE IN AMERICA. Letus face th isse and notg put our heads in thre sand.

(17)
Anonymous,
February 5, 2013 5:07 PM

Daniel Pearl was NOT heroic

Daniel Pearl's 'OB"M words were sadly not an affirmation of his faith. They were what his Muslim captors forced him to say on camera with a gun to his head, shortly before they decapitated him! He was also MARRIED to a NON-JEWISH woman.

Elliott,
February 8, 2013 8:03 PM

What he REALLY meant

I don't care what the Muslims thought the words meant.
I don't know what Daniel Pearl himself thought the words meant.
I know what I believe the words meant. The fact that those words and that message were delivered to the world through those hands is absolutely perfect.

Sue,
February 11, 2013 6:16 PM

What he REALLY meant

Elliott, I agree with you entirely.

(16)
Deborah Litwack,
February 5, 2013 4:55 PM

Somewhat glad at least that he conferred with rabbis before...

as per last comment. It bothers me that such a prominent Jew was buried in "trinity"!!! His burial was delayed, I assume, due to his prominence and media, etc. I wish more on the Jewishness of his death/preparations/etc was more common knowledge so people shouldn't think trinity church burials were OK.

(15)
Mark Feffer,
February 5, 2013 4:54 PM

Melitz Yashar

Ed Koch was amazing in every way. He will certainly be the Melitz Yashar, Righteous Advocate for all Jews and Israel in Gan Eden. Amen.

(14)
Anonymous,
February 5, 2013 4:49 PM

Buried in Christian cemetery

What have you to say about Koch's decision not to be buried in a Jewish cemetery. Declaring one is Jewish but not "being" Jewish is not to be admired.
Daniel Pearl's wife was not Jewish and therefore his son cannot have the same epitaph as Pearl and Koch.

(13)
howard mallinger,
February 5, 2013 4:45 PM

ONE PLUS ONE EQUELS THREE?

MAYOR KOCH WAS INDEED A VERY GOOD MAYOR,AND PERSON.HE LOVED(AS STATED) BEING A LOYAL JEW.BUT TO BE INTERNED IN A NON JEWISH CEMETERY SENDS THE WRONG MESSAGE TO THE WORLD THAT IN DEATH I CAN DO WHAT I WANT.HOW MANY OF OUR CEMETEREYS WERE DESTROYED AND OUR PEOPLE FORGOTTEN THEIR?

(12)
Debra,
February 5, 2013 4:42 PM

Proud to have had his influence

Mayor Ed Koch was a very proud Jew. He was proud to say and act on his words of loving ALL New Yorkers equally! We can learn so much about giving and helping and standing tall for our beliefs. I'm a better person having lived in the times of Mayor Ed Koch. May his incredible life be for beautiful blessings for all the people of his great city, that he adored. I miss you already Mayor Koch! Rest peacefully for you've given so much of yourself to so many!

(11)
Judith Slipacoff,
February 5, 2013 4:30 PM

ties in with Rabbi Blech's daughter's experience

I won an English prize in High School in the '60s in London, England. I had the choice of which book to receive for this prize and I chose Leon Uris's "Exodus". My parents OBM were both refugees from Germany, my Father having escaped from a Nazi police station in Berlin, and my Father gave me the same advice as Rabbi Blech his daughter. In fact he was very afraid of how the school administration would treat me in the future for choosing such a book of such Jewish sigificance.
I too "stuck to my guns", and what happened? Nothing. Sad to say after living in various places in the world I do not know where the book is now, hopefully being treasured by another reader...

(10)
GregL,
February 5, 2013 4:12 PM

Koch was one-of-a-kind, a true example to live by.

I remember election day in 1978. It was a post-storm day in Manhattan and the slush was pooled up at every intersection. I braved the depths of slush to vote for Mr. Koch because I believed in his message, of being true to yourself. He was a breath of fresh air that New Yorkers needed after years of financial turmoil and undertainty. I thought he would be a great leader for NYC. And that is what he was. I'm proud of him in his death because he expressed his pride in his heritage and stood up for his love of Judaism. Rest in Peace, Mr. Mayor.

(9)
albert goldglancz,
February 5, 2013 4:07 PM

we should have much more like Ed Coch .

(8)
Moshe K,
February 5, 2013 4:02 PM

Lived like a Jew???

Rabbi Blech has written a beautiful article as usual, but I find it hard to ve overly impressed by Ed Koch's 'commitment to his Jewishness'.
It's relatively easy to live free of any and all religious commitment, and then to inscribe a message on your tombstone about how proud you are to be a Jew.
I am much more impressed by the many Jews who LIVE daily with their Jewishness, despite the corporeal difficulties this may engender, than by a person who lived as he wished, yet was proud of some vague, undefined and mostly unrealized "connection to the Tribe".
I'm not judging Mr Koch, I don't know his level of religious knowledge, or his upbringing, but I'm not impressed.
For him to suggest an addition to the Yom Kippur prayers displays an unmitigated level of gall.
And for Rabbi Blech to quote that suggestion with any degree of respect is unfortunate, and not nearly respectful enough of the holy men who composed our liturgy and taught us what it means to live as a Jew, not just die as one.

Anonymous,
February 5, 2013 7:21 PM

you ARE being judgmental

rabbi blech of couse isn't agreeing with koch's idea of adding it to the prayers... but surely you can see things from the mayor's perspective and glean a positive message from it. that for this non religious jew, it's an expression of jewish pride and identity. It's an important declaration that jews from all backgrounds can relate to. Rabbi Blech is not putting him on pedestal, and there is no need to tear him down.

(7)
tom,
February 5, 2013 4:01 PM

Apprently Koch's burial was transformed into a Jewish cemetary

I read that he conferred with rabbis to transform his plot to meet the requirements of a jewish burial. which is why his section is gated. So let's judge him favorably

Anonymous,
February 5, 2013 4:31 PM

Lets not judge him at all.

(6)
Rabbi Moshe Stern,
February 5, 2013 3:55 PM

Buried in church cemetery . why?

Can someone explain to me why he was buried in a church cemetery in a so called non-denominational section?
Is he sending a message that there is a straight line from Reform to a church cemetery !

Ellen,
February 5, 2013 4:02 PM

Koch

He said he wanted to be buried in Manhattan and there are no openings in any Jewish cemeteries in Manhattan. He had a border placed around the plot as per rabbinical discussion.

Nancy Koch (no relation),
February 5, 2013 4:13 PM

reply to Rabbi Stern

According to the JewishPress.com, "Koch bought his burial plot in 2008, when the Trinity Churchyard was the only cemetery in Manhattan that still had plots available. He explained at the time that he could not bear the idea that his body would have to leave New York City. 'This is my home, the idea of having to go to New Jersey was so distressing to me.'" This, of course, begs the question of why he couldn't have chosen a Jewish cemetery in one of the other 4 boroughs of New York City, but, as Tom pointed out, as long as he complied with Jewish burial customs, let's not judge him.

Xynnek,
February 5, 2013 4:19 PM

location location location

He wanted grave only in Manhattan. This was only available place. And it's near subway stop for easy visitation.

Anonymous,
February 5, 2013 5:18 PM

A True New Yorker

The reason for his burial in a church cemetery is quite simple. As a true New Yorker, he wanted to be buried in his beloved New York City, not in New Jersey and not on Long Island. With no space in a Jewish cemetery in New York City, the only space available was in a very historical churchyard. His tombstone shows the message born a Jew, lived as a Jew and died as a Jew. You have to be a New Yorker, or in my case an exNew Yorker to understand the connection that runs very deep with our beloved city.

Baruch Ben-Yosef,
February 5, 2013 5:33 PM

Explanation

Rabbi Stern: The real explanation can only come from Ed Koch, who is unavailable to answer your question. My answer - for whatever it's worth - is that this is a free country, and Mr Koch was free to make his choices. Most of us like it that way!

Mark Berlant,
February 5, 2013 5:43 PM

I can explain

I believe that church's cemetery is the only one left in Manhattan which still allows interments. It was important to Mayor Koch that he be buried in Manhattan.

Reuven,
February 5, 2013 6:00 PM

No Room in Manhattan!

It was the only cemetery in Manhattan that still had space! He couldn't bear the thought of being separated, even in death, from the city he loved and governed so masterfully.

Anonymous,
February 6, 2013 6:38 PM

Manhattan is not the only borough in "the city"

The city of New York is comprised of 5 boroughs, of which Manhattan is only one. There are Jewish cemeteries in other boroughs, which are still in New York City. Or was Koch only Mayor of Manhattan . . . ?!

Anonymous,
February 5, 2013 6:45 PM

ed koch's burial site

he wanted to be buried near the subway line!( this is no joke)

anonymous,
February 5, 2013 8:09 PM

In Ed Koch's own words...

In Ed Koch's own words: "I don't want to leave Manhattan, even when I'm gone," Koch told The Associated Press in 2008 after purchasing a burial plot in Trinity Church Cemetery, at the time the only graveyard in Manhattan that still had space. "This is my home. The thought of having to go to New Jersey was so distressing to me." http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2013/02/04/mourners-gather-for-ed-koch-funeral-in-new-york/ Respectfully, Rabbi, we are all Jews! I am VERY offended by your comment "Is he sending a message that there is a straight line from Reform to a church cemetery !" As a proud Jew, we need to embrace and respect all Jews. There are not that many of us. Many people hate us...why do you continue to perpetuate this ridiculous notion that Reform Jews are Christian? That could not be further from the truth!!! I highly recommend you watch the video Zero Point Three Percent on Aish http://www.aish.com/v/r/50575802.html?s=nb. בשלום

(5)
Elliot Udell,
February 5, 2013 3:38 PM

The rebbe says it all

Rabbi Blech said it all and summarized the deepest feelings or mayor Koch. He could have chosen many other things to be on his tomb stone but he chose to emphasize what was most important in this life.

(4)
ron unz,
February 5, 2013 12:57 PM

Ivy admissions

Ron Unz has done a detailed study of Ivy league admissions and shows that Jews are 40 times more likely to be admitted to the Ivy League than Gentiles with the same academic background.
Imagein writing on your Law School Essay, I am an Orthodox Evangelical Christian.

ab,
February 5, 2013 2:20 PM

why not?

If you spelled imagine correctly, and followed the sentence with an eloquent and authentic presentation of your faith and values, then yes, I imagine that would also be touted among those of your faith. If Jews are more likely to be admitted perhaps it's because they're likely to apply.

Friar Manklinz,
February 5, 2013 4:01 PM

Agree with ab

Right on. Jews seek out higher education more than any other people.

Coult45,
February 5, 2013 4:24 PM

Predjudice

Hmmm, IMAGINE the cries of anti-semitism and prejuduce from the Jewish Community if the admissions were reversed. My friend Ed was always stating that the Jewish people needed to havea closer relationship with the Christian Churches. This is just an example of an area an anti-semite can attack Jews with twisted truth of anti-Christian Jews,

Anonymous,
February 5, 2013 4:06 PM

Jewish Ivys

If this is true, then why doesn't % Jewish enrollment in the Ivy's match the so called 40% Jewish acceptances?

Brian Arr,
February 5, 2013 5:20 PM

Uh, what?

The only Christians who call themselves Orthodox are Orthodox Catholics (ex: Greek Orthodox). Also known as Eastern Orthodox to Roman Catholics and Protestants.
Also, Jews are more likely to get in Ivy League schools because most American Jews live in New York City and Long Island, which are at the epicenter of the Ivy League. If most Jews lived in Nebraska, then they wouldn't be going to Ivy League schools, they'd be going to midwestern schools.

(3)
Michael Hershkop,
February 5, 2013 6:30 AM

Beautiful Message

Rabbi Blech, beautiful message as always!

(2)
Lisa,
February 5, 2013 2:38 AM

A life lived to its full potential .....

Ed Koch did not have to cloak himself as a Jew....he actually lived like one! Yasher Koach to him....he died a leader , a teacher & most importantly a Jew.

Anonymous,
February 5, 2013 3:49 PM

Another side of Koch

As one who worked for Ed Koch and respected him as a great Mayor, city leader and supporter of Jewish causes, I do take issue that he actually lived as a Jew and deserves a Yasher Koach . When he almost chocked to death on pork in a Chinese restaurant and was saved by a Heimlich maneuver by a friend, maybe this was a sign from Heaven to stop eating the pork. His zealous advocacy of Gay rights was also a little over the top for those of us who are defined by Judaism and not by Liberalism. I have further mixed feelings because especially as a Jew he refused to be buried in a Jewish cemetery because he loved Manhattan so much. All in all he will be missed.

(1)
Jack,
February 4, 2013 1:05 PM

Tamar's story reminds me of mine

I can relate very well. When I was graduating college and putting together my resume, I was torn. Should I include that I had taught Bar mitzvah's every Sunday to learning disabled children or not.
One my Jewish professors whom I consulted gave me sagely wisdom. "If they don't want to hire you because you're Jewish, you don't want to work for them."
Needless to say It was on my resume.

I live in rural Montana where the Cholov Yisrael milk is difficult to obtain and very expensive. So I drink regular milk. What is your view on this?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Jewish law requires that there be rabbinic supervision during the milking process to ensure that the milk comes from a kosher animal. In the United States, many people rely on the Department of Agriculture's regulations and controls as sufficiently stringent to fulfill the rabbinic requirement for supervision.

Most of the major Kashrut organizations in the United States rely on this as well. You will therefore find many kosher products in America certified with a 'D' next to the kosher symbol. Such products – unless otherwise specified on the label – are not Cholov Yisrael and are assumed kosher based on the DOA's guarantee.

There are many, however, do not rely on this, and will eat only dairy products that are designated as Cholov Yisrael (literally, "Jewish milk"). This is particularly true in large Jewish communities, where Cholov Yisrael is widely available.

Rabbi Moshe Feinstein wrote that under limited conditions, such as an institution which consumes a lot of milk and Cholov Yisrael is generally unavailable or especially expensive, American milk is acceptable, as the government supervision is adequate to prevent non-kosher ingredients from being added.

It should be added that the above only applies to milk itself, which is marketed as pure cow's milk. All other dairy products, such as cheeses and butter, may contain non-kosher ingredients and always require kosher certification. In addition, Rabbi Feinstein's ruling applies only in the United States, where government regulations are considered reliable. In other parts of the world, including Europe, Cholov Yisrael is a requirement.

There are additional esoteric reasons for being stringent regarding Cholov Yisrael, and because of this it is generally advisable to consume only Cholov Yisroel dairy foods.

In 1889, 800 Jews arrived in Buenos Aires, marking the birth of the modern Jewish community in Argentina. These immigrants were fleeing poverty and pogroms in Russia, and moved to Argentina because of its open door policy of immigration. By 1920, more than 150,000 Jews were living in Argentina. Juan Peron's rise to power in 1946 was an ominous sign, as he was a Nazi sympathizer with fascist leanings. Peron halted Jewish immigration to Argentina, introduced mandatory Catholic religious instruction in public schools, and allowed Argentina to become a haven for fleeing Nazis. (In 1960, Israeli agents abducted Adolf Eichmann from a Buenos Aires suburb.) Today, Argentina has the largest Jewish community in Latin America with 250,000, though terror attacks have prompted many young people to emigrate. In 1992, the Israeli Embassy in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 32 people. In 1994, the Jewish community headquarters in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 85 people. The perpetrators have never been apprehended.

Be aware of what situations and behaviors give you pleasure. When you feel excessively sad and cannot change your attitude, make a conscious effort to take some action that might alleviate your sadness.

If you anticipate feeling sad, prepare a list of things that might make you feel better. It could be talking to a specific enthusiastic individual, running, taking a walk in a quiet area, looking at pictures of family, listening to music, or reading inspiring words.

While our attitude is a major factor in sadness, lack of positive external situations and events play an important role in how we feel.

[If a criminal has been executed by hanging] his body may not remain suspended overnight ... because it is an insult to God (Deuteronomy 21:23).

Rashi explains that since man was created in the image of God, anything that disparages man is disparaging God as well.

Chilul Hashem, bringing disgrace to the Divine Name, is one of the greatest sins in the Torah. The opposite of chilul Hashem is kiddush Hashem, sanctifying the Divine Name. While this topic has several dimensions to it, there is a living kiddush Hashem which occurs when a Jew behaves in a manner that merits the respect and admiration of other people, who thereby respect the Torah of Israel.

What is chilul Hashem? One Talmudic author stated, "It is when I buy meat from the butcher and delay paying him" (Yoma 86a). To cause someone to say that a Torah scholar is anything less than scrupulous in meeting his obligations is to cause people to lose respect for the Torah.

Suppose someone offers us a business deal of questionable legality. Is the personal gain worth the possible dishonor that we bring not only upon ourselves, but on our nation? If our personal reputation is ours to handle in whatever way we please, shouldn't we handle the reputation of our nation and the God we represent with maximum care?

Jews have given so much, even their lives, for kiddush Hashem. Can we not forego a few dollars to avoid chilul Hashem?

Today I shall...

be scrupulous in all my transactions and relationships to avoid the possibility of bringing dishonor to my God and people.

With stories and insights,
Rabbi Twerski's new book Twerski on Machzor makes Rosh Hashanah prayers more meaningful. Click here to order...