Not my personal sex story, but I witnessed it. A buddy brought home a 6' red headed, beautiful Australian girl and took her straight to his bedroom both staggering drunk. They walked right past the group of 6 or 7 equally drunk expats eating beans on bread and watching Family Ties dubbed in Spanish. She didn't even see us, he gave us a sly thumbs up.

His bedroom shared a wall, with an open window, with the courtyard that we were sitting in. (This is a typical, colonial style, Latin American villa, btw). So of course, we mute the Family Ties and crowd around the open window just behind the curtains to hear what we can hear.

Less than a minute into it, just as we are all starting to feel a bit sick from listening to the sloppy drunk kissing, smacking and grunting, the Aussie woman announces to her would-be lover in a booming voice and accent that sounded more like a drunk Irish-woman trying to sound like Crocodile Dundee (read the next line in your head with that accent): "I'm on me rags, but you can have a rip at me shitter if you like"

Needless to say, the gallery erupted in hysterical laughter. She was horrified. She flew out of the bedroom, threatened to murder us all and ran out of the house crying. Our buddy was collapsed on his bed, also laughing hysterically.

We offered him a bean sandwich, which he gladly accepted, and then we all watched Family Ties in Spanish together until sunrise.

The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off, then the place erupted into cheers. However, when the revellers saw the nun, the place went dead silent.

Going up to bar, she asked if she use their facilities. The Landlord said, "Okay, yes, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."

"Well, in that case I'll just look the other way," said the nun, before going to the toilet.

After a few minutes, she came back out and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.

Going to the landlord, she said, "Thank you, but I don't understand why everyone applauded me for, just because I went to the toilet."

"Well, now they know you're one of us," he replied. "Would you like a drink?"

"But I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.

"You see," he laughed, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out."