Bedroom Manners

Every now & then one must decide to put their best foot forward and match the giant size footsteps (imagine Mumbai potholes) left behind by Gaysi Editors.

Every now and then one must decide to put their best foot forward and match the giant size footsteps (imagine Mumbai potholes) left behind by our Gaysi Editors. As part of our social do-the-do, I ( & Chicklet) have decided to educate our sisters and (soon to be my experienced) ladies with a list of Bedroom Manners. Why you ask? Because my beloveds, talk may be cheap but sometimes it pays to listen. And today is your lucky day…

Things that will get you kicked off the bed

1) Watching Master Chef Australia in bed. Unless the food or the television are part of the foreplay session this bad habit will get your booty kicked.

2) No social media mingling. The world and your status update can wait. However the woman in your bed right now may not.

3) The ex should stay far far far away from your bed. Yes, even in conversations.

4) Agreed it’s all about spontaneity. However if you get an early indication that a cunning linguistics is just round the corner…WASH UP!

5) Hold it or swallow it but for your own sake don’t let it lose (fart) during the romp pomp session. Believe me…it can leave deep scars.

Things that will fetch you G-Spot “entry” pass. (Well almost)

1) Foreplay. Okay…so no rocket science this but there are plenty who jump straight on the chitty chitty bang bang train. STOP. Tease. Resist. Remember…sabar phal meetha and the jazz.

2) There’s a lot between the nipples and pussy valley. Think of yourself as Dora the explorer and f**k**g explore!

3) Talking is good. Share you likes (focus on the topic at hand)…this can be a huge turn on. Guaranteed!

4) It is very important that you ‘stay awake after sex’. Some women desire bonding, so snuggle up or pay a compliment or talk naughty. And fret not as this does not affect your mojo or constitute as impromptu commitment.

5) And we can never stop emphasizing on this: You are never too old to play with toys. So let us hear you say ‘Lubricants’…*yeah* ‘Strap on’…*yeah*…’Dildo’…*yeah*….see it’s so freaking easy!

And our list can go on and on…but as they say sharing is caring. So bring it on ladies…we are waiting.

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About the author

Now 30, 100% shudh desi lesbian. Likes living large, and on the edge. Dislikes stagnation, fence sitting and hypocrites. Lives in a bubble of joy, with occasional lapses into drama queendom. Currently nursing a massive crush on actress Chitrangada Singh (kind of eerie, her resemblance to the late Smita Patil, don’t you think?). Aspires to build a fully functional support system for the Gaysi community in India. And most importantly, top the 'Hottest eligible desi-lezzie' list one bright sunny day.

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