He was a mommas boy

by Z. lugo
(NJ)

My ex was a momma’s boy who never cut the apron strings. His mom criticized me all the time because she thought I was too young for him. And he never stood up for me. After 18 years of marriage, I couldn’t take it anymore and filed papers for a divorce.

During our divorce he got engaged to be remarried. He did not want parental custody of the three kids, but fought with me about his pension and refused to pay alimony. I could not afford a really good attorney, and was not advised that he could have to pay for my attorney’s service. During the settlement of my divorce, my attorney told me that he could not continue to come to court unless I was willing to pay more money. I was in such duress that I walked away from the alimony and the pension, and settled on child support only.

Well, now I am losing my house. My kids are college students, not full time but unemployed and he stopped paying child support. When I filed for a motion --I could not afford to send it certified so it was hand delivered, he did not show up. In the meanwhile I have had no income for the past two months and had to apply for food stamps, seek help from the local churches to help pay my utilities, and received food from the food pantry.

My ex is a homicide detective earning about 105K with all the overtime he wants, yet he refuses to help out. He feels that he’s done enough and I should take any job and figure it out myself. I lost it and told him to take all three kids. I am not going to be homeless and then have him take the kids, so just take them now.

Can I modify the decree to get the pension I gave away for the custody of the kids? He has money and I am not able to provide for myself. I should not be put on the street after 18 year of marriage. He drove me insane, turning all my kids against me and making them promises of a new car and my 20 year daughter her own apartment which he is willing to pay for. My youngest child is special needs. He is taking my kid away from me to give to the woman who hates me for marrying her son.

How can I survive this nightmare? How can one person be so hateful and want to hurt the mother of his kids?

Comments for He was a mommas boy

It hasn't yet, but my decision is coming! We (my four kids and I) are not his priority, only his mother and father! He comes home from his mother’s at around 10:00 pm every night, when the kids are already in bed or asleep! I recently went part time and not making any money, so I can't help him pay half the bills like he is used too! He doesn't want to pay them, his excuse is he doesn't have any money! His pay check goes straight to his mother, she controls his money, and spends it making her house look like a "mansion" like people have called it! I'm done!

Same Thing hereby: Anonymous

My husband is purely a mama boy. I have to say he is not even mama’s boy. It’s his whole family; it’s like their childhood days. It didn’t change because of marriage. I am an outsider to them. I do not know anything about what they do. They do all things silently with no evidence to be proved. My sister in law knows everything about my husband’s finances (as she used to know before our marriage). Even after 15 years of marriage I do not know anything about my husband. They bribe my father's side and mothers side relatives with gifts (so that they would not stand on our side). It’s almost like I’m married but all alone. Physically, my husband is with me. But mentally, he is with his parents and sis. I tried to die many times but did not succeed.

I want to divorce the Mama's boyby: Anonymous

I'm married to a momma’s boy for 3 years now. I keep fooling myself thinking that he will change, but he never will. He has become abusive and cursed me and dragged me out and choked and slapped me already all because of his mom mostly. I live in their house because he refuses to leave. We have a baby and it's harder for me to leave now because I won't be able to work and give her a comfortable life. Now he would leave me alone and take my baby and go spend time with his parents. He doesn't care about me and my feelings. I hate him and I don't know how much longer I can stay here. Sometimes I feel suicidal because I am all alone and they have money, so they would be able to bribe and turn my child against me. I feel so helpless.

He always thought his parents were right by: Anonymous

I married my college sweetheart after a lot of problems. Initially, his family didn't want it and then after a year they agreed and he said they seemed happy with the marriage. My problems started exactly one week after when we started living with my in-laws.

My mother-in-law would be cold most of the time towards me. But, I thought she will get better. I wanted to learn cooking buy my mother in law forced that I need to practice it on my own and there is no need for classes.

My ex-husband would try everything so that he doesn’t have to spend time in the house. Go out with his friends, talk to his friends on phone watch TV. We would always sleep at different times. Later, four weeks into the marriage, he came trashing at me that I didn't hang up his clothes. He abused me verbally and told me to get out of the house because I am not respectable. I tried to leave till my mother-in-law forced me in.

I cried for a week but still stayed there. Things started getting rough. For him, it wasn’t bad because he would be at work and then hang out with his friends every day. We almost spend two - three hours together watching TV or being intimate nothing else. My mother-in-law would than judge me for everything I did and poison him as soon as he came back from work.

I left him once and he never asked me to come back When I talked to him he came. But, no one in the house would talk to me because I left the damn house. The final day his mother again forced him to say bad stuff about me. How I do not want to make my place in this house. He scolded me so much and abused me that I left and waited for him to make a move. He never did.

My parents tried to talk to his parents to sort matters out, but they instead sent me divorce papers.

My ex was a mama's boy tooby: Anonymous

"My ex was a momma’s boy who never cut the apron strings. His mom criticized me all the time because she thought I was too young for him. And he never stood up for me. After 18 years of marriage, I couldn’t take it anymore and filed papers for a divorce."

That's pretty much the same situation for me. I divorced him and it was finalized this month. Not only did he not stand up for me, he wanted his parents to live with us forever. They had stayed with us for 6 months. When they are around, no one else exists. Whatever mommy says, that's law in her son's eyes. I was tossed aside like a 3rd class citizen. I couldn't stand it and it was the longest 6 months of my life. I feel like I am better off now. At times I still get really frustrated thinking about because he honestly made me believe and think I was a bad human being. I know how you feel.

You can do it yourself!by: Anonymous

You don't need a lawyer to file motions. All the information and forms are on the internet for your discovery to get back what you lost. Depending on the amount of time that has passed since General Judgment is what will determine the direction you will need to go first.

All the information is also available on the internet. You may feel that you need an attorney to protect you, but you don't. You just need to know who you are. "Fire when fired upon". You are the one who knows everything. This automatically gives you upper-hand in a win-win situation for yourself and your grown children.

You can do it. I am not an attorney and so far since August I have won everything in my divorce. Ex's Attorney is at this very moment is attempting to modify the temporary child and spousal support award. The psycho husband hasn't given his 4 children or me a penny and is now 3 months in arrears. I also won exclusive possession of the house and Ex is ordered to get house out of arrears and pay all the Dental surgery cost for his 7 & 5 yr. old.

Like I said, "You Can Do It" - "Get it all Back & more" - GO FOR IT AND LEARN WHO YOU ARE!

Dumbassby: Anonymous

To sum is up, your husband is a total dumbass.

P.U.S.Hby: Marcus A.

First I want to say that I am sorry to hear your unfortunate story. I think that your ex is wrong for not assisting you with your needs and turning your kids who you gave BIRTH to against you. I don't have any legal advice for you but I can tell you what works for me and what I recommend for you is to P.U.S.H. P.U.S.H stands for Pray until Something Happens. I will pray that everything works out for you and that you get the answer that you are looking for. You deserve much better than what he is giving you and I am pretty sure you will find it.

Divorce problemby: Anonymous

I got divorced because my ex-husband didn't love me. He left me and now I am better off, but I am wondering what my problem is. What could I have done differently? Wasn’t I good enough? And I’m confused about my emotions. Sometimes I hate him and sometimes I miss him. I blame myself about my mistakes and I can't forgive myself or others. I also have another problem too. It makes me annoyed when I think about the sex that I used to have with him.

You are correct to some extent by: rajeev ranjan shahi

Your main concern is possession of one man by two women. But on your matter you should have proved yourself that you are the only woman who is made for your ex. There may be different issues which were not disclosed and are the real reason you have made a decision to part. Feeling the lack of company of your ex is such a reason.

Leave that manby: Anonymous

It's good that you left that guy. He is worthless. As for you, I hope that you can make through this awful experience. I wish you the best.

You're not aloneby: Anonymous

I empathize with you - my "husband" is the same way. I was empowered by my therapist to realize that I was acting like the victim. And I was. Instead of being depressed about his actions towards me, I was given ideas of how to take his control away. He didn't like that at all. I don't know you're entire situation, but hold your head up, look for help (the YWCA has legal advisors), and do not let him know that you are in his control, which will only give him more power over you. Research online and call lawyers (some will give you info pro bono). Take back control of your life. You will feel so much better. You can do it, stop thinking that you "can't" do this or that because you CAN! There is a domestic violence group on Face Book called H.O.P.E., where they will help you. But you have to do the work yourself. They will supply you with information and support. God bless you and know that you WILL get through this. I'm not yet through it yet, only beginning with the first few steps. I will have been married 31 years next month. I wish I had seen the emotional abuse much earlier. Like his supporting his mother instead of me, wondering if I am imagining it or if it’s all in my head, etc. Remember that you are NOT the only one going through this and there are people out there that do care.

move onby: Anonymous

I agree with anonymous. That guy is a real wiener! I feel sorry for you Z :(

Hope that you can make it through.

He's a real "wiener"by: Anonymous

My story is similar where I had my own house before we married. He did as well. My profits were put into another house and we finally had a house over our heads, but he was bound and determined to keep it. Turns out, using my money from the house I had before. He acts like it’s a 50/50 split but lies about car parts sold that were his which were stored in an attic at his grandmother’s (I lived there too, and there is no attic.) All parts were acquired during our marriage. How they can ruthlessly lie to their child’s mother. But my ex stepson's mother visited her son in MY house and spent the night. It was weird. I think my ex has never gotten over the cheating snake. I asked him who she slept with - he or his son (that's another saga to this nightmare). My new saying is, "You don’t really know them until after a divorce." It's scary. I trust only myself to get through this life thanks to the betrayal from the last person I would suspect from. The small bit of property he tricked me into trading for a million dollar house is being tax defaulted, as I had no clue he never paid the property taxes on it. He sold the classic cars we had and now says he had them before we married. He’s lying to someone who found the cars as we were partners. I'm beginning to think his son is a cover up for his real obsession - his ex. He dropped off some of my stuff and in the pile of pictures there were some of his son, his son’s school work from grade school and ceramic pottery his son made, as well as a picture of his first son, who passed in 1986 at 27 months old. He is too gung ho to even see his priceless photos being tossed out. I even had an envelope with his son’s first haircut. I’m giving them to him with a note, mind you. Anyway, there is a court form called, "Motion to enforce judgment of decree". I finally found some form that suits my situation; it may be of interest to you as well. It requests a judge make a court date to order him to pay up his depts. It also gives you the opportunity to include anything he purposely left off the assets list. I won’t give up as it is a lot of money he’s trying to steal. Good luck to you and don’t let the slime ball get away.