Random thoughts from my corner of the world.

September 03, 2007

Hey Ref! Manners, manners

It's soccer season again for us. I'm pushing to get on the next rung of refereeing, and the boys have both qualified as refs, so there are lots of changes for us.

Below the fold is a conversation that I wish I could have before every match -- laying out what the expectations are. Sadly, we don't have time and a lot of people just don't get it.

“Hello? Yes, could everyone please take a seat? This won’t take too long, but we can take the
time to be comfortable!”

“Good morning! I’m
Art and I’ll be your ref for today’s match. Since we have a few extra minutes today, I thought I’d take the time to
go over a few things before we start. Nothing too heavy! I just want to
be clear about our expectations for the game today. Feel free to ask questions while we go
along.”

“We’ve all got jobs to do today and it’s a good idea to make
sure we know what our different jobs are. We like to keep things simple: Players are here to play and have fun
doing it; coaches are here to coach (and have fun, too, I hope!) Parents and family are here to cheer and have
fun. My job is to keep all of this
going, and make it Safe, Fun and Fair for everyone. If we can stick to those jobs, we should have
a great time, win or lose. Any
questions?”

“Yes, coach? Does
that mean that you can’t protest a call? Yes, it does. It can get out of
hand quickly and that sets a bad example for the players. If there’s a question about a call, your captain is free to ask me about it – if I have the chance, I’ll answer, but I can’t
guarantee that, because I’ve got to keep the game moving. You’re welcome to ask me about things after the match and I’ll do my best to answer,
if I have the time and if you ask in a reasonable way. If you still have issues with my work, or
even if you think that I’m the greatest ref you’ve ever had, I have some feedback
forms that you can fill out and submit to your division commissioner. We take all of the comments seriously and use
them to guide our referee development.”

“No, coach, you don’t need to protest to ‘show your players
that you’ve got their backs.’ The way to
gain their respect is to model the behavior that we want them to show, not
emulate their own behavior. A 9yo whines
and complains about a call – an adult faces problems with maturity.”

“I’m sorry ma’am, but you can’t give your kid advice during
the game. I know how tempting it can be –
I’ve been a soccer parent myself. There’s only one coach and she’s the only one who can direct the
players. Well, her or her
assistant. Yup, that’s right there in
the Laws of the Game. Don’t worry – if
you forget, we’ll remind you.”

“Which reminds me: Please don’t talk to my assistants! They need to keep their focus on the match
and won’t respond to you. They’re not
being rude – they’re following my directions. The ultimate responsibility for all of the calls is mine, so complaining
to them has even less effect than complaining to me. They’re also my sons, so I’m especially
protective of them. If you have issues
with their performance, tell your coach and coach’ll take them through the
right channels.”

“We’re not being rude by not talking to you. We’ve got jobs that take a lot of
concentration and just don’t have the time to stop and chat. Whatever you may think, we don’t ‘owe’ you
anything, except to call the game to the best of our abilities. We’re not obligated to announce or explain
any call, the way they do in American football. One of the beauties of soccer is that we don’t stop every 10 seconds and
talk about it.”

“What happens if you don’t stick to your job? I’ll tell you to leave – it’s really very
simple. What was that? The Laws don’t give me authority over the
fans, only the coaches and players? Well, you’re right technically. Congratulations on reading the Laws, but you might want to work on the
interpretation side of things. I’ve got
authority over the entire match and can terminate it if I need to. An abusive fan who won’t follow directions to
leave comes under that heading. Please,
let’s not go there – there’s no good reason for it. Remember that we’re here to have fun.”

“Thank you, that’s a great question – let me repeat it. I was just asked, ‘what can we do to be
better coaches and fans?’ Learn the Laws
of the Game! I’d guess that 50% of the
disagreement that I hear is because someone didn’t understand the rules. There’s a lot of ‘common knowledge’ out there
that is flat-out wrong. Other fans and
especially TV announcers get things wrong all of the time. My doctor told me that I can’t watch soccer
on TV unless I turn the sound off – my blood pressure goes through the roof at
every mistake by the announcers.”

“The other 50%? Some
is being in the wrong position – contrary to popular believe (among coaches, at
least), the best place for calling the game is not on the touch line at the halfway point. Watch how much I move around during the
game. That’s so that I can position
myself best for every situation. I’ll
still end up in the wrong place, on occasion, so yes, I’ll sometimes miss a
call because of that. Mostly, though,
it’s bias – of course, you want the best for your kids and their team. That colors everybody’s opinions, so it helps
if you can discount that.”

“Ask yourself this, the next time you want to blame the ref
for a loss: When was the last time you thought ‘wow, that one call by the ref
won the match for us’? Never? I thought so. There are thousands of decisions made by the players and the refs in
every match – despite the TV commentator’s focus on the ‘big plays,’ a game is
never won or lost on a single play. This
isn’t Quiddich.”

“What’s going on over there? That man is berating the ref because his son’s match didn’t run the full
time – it started late and we’re on a schedule, so they had to take some time
off. I hate having a tight schedule like
this, but that’s what the commissioners give us. Of course, it would have been nice if the
man, who’s now arguing, had helped set up the goals so the match could start on
time. I noticed him sitting on his chair
while two people from his team struggled with the goals. We’re a volunteer organization and everybody needs to contribute.”

“Oh dear. Why is it a
bad idea to complain at the ref? I guess
I need to give the long-form answer to that one. First, if a coach is complaining, they’ve
taken some of their focus away from the match – they’re looking for
opportunities to get my attention and trying to think up clever things to
say. The parents hear the coach complain
and then they start in, so it gets
noisy and ugly along the touch line. The
players hear their coaches and parents complaining and they think that it’s ok
for them to complain too. That can get
bad and lead to a yellow card for dissent. It also distracts them from the game. If a player is worrying about the last call, they aren’t paying
attention to where the ball is now and in soccer, a moment’s inattention is all
it takes for a goal to be scored, or missed. All of the yelling takes my attention
off of the current play, too. If you’re
unhappy that I missed a call, distracting me isn’t going to help – I’m going to
miss more calls, not fewer.”

“Ok, that’s all we have time for – we need to get this match
under way. Thanks for your
attention. Just remember: Players play,
coaches coach, fans cheer and we’ll all have fun. Coaches, if I could get your game cards and
have your players line up over here…”