Writing about the Tony Awards telecast back in 1991, Alex Witchel, then the cage-rattling Broadway columnist of the New York Times, posed the question: “Who’s on first?”

That is, which of the four nominated musicals gets to strut itself at the top of the telecast? As Witchel wrote: “What every Broadway producer knows is that the first musical number performed on the show always reaches the biggest audience, because traditionally viewers fall off as the night goes on.”

Whoever gets the first slot, then, usually sells the most tickets.

Case in point: “Smokey Joe’s Cafe.” It opened the Tonys in 1995, and while it didn’t win a single award, its energetic appearance helped the show go on to rack up more than 2,000 performances.

So who’s on first this year?

Well, the Tonys have done a wonderful thing. They’ve given the coveted spot to a terrific show that’s so delicate, so intimate, so obscure that it’s having trouble finding an audience.

And so, on first — “The Book of Mormon.”

The 2011 Tony winner for Best Musical will launch the telecast with its song “Hello!,” which should lift the show out of the doldrums. Last week’s gross, after all, was a paltry $1.6 million.

The cast, dressed as Mormons, will knock on the dressing-room doors of several stars, ending up with Tony host Neil Patrick Harris.

After that, a source says, the telecast will segue into a medley of classic musicals from the past featuring several “iconic Broadway characters.” (Liz McCann?)

But don’t look for Spider-Man or the Green Goblin. Miffed that “Spider-Man” wasn’t nominated for Best Musical, the producers have declined to take part in the telecast.

They have, however, added an extra performance on Sunday, when anybody named Tony or a variation thereof — Antoinette, Toni Tennille, Tony Orlando and Dawn — will be admitted free.

“We’re going to have more Tonys on Tony Sunday than any other show on Broadway!” declares “Spider-Man” publicist Rick Miramontez.

He says that if Tony Orlando does show up with Dawn in tow, “We’ll give him three tickets!”

Though “Ghost” and “Godspell” were also snubbed, they’ll each perform a number on the telecast. This has caused a stir, since in the past, only nominated shows were allowed stand-alone performances.

“That’s an old, silly rule,” a Tony source says. “We’re putting on an entertainment show. The more musical numbers, the better.”

“Leap of Faith,” which couldn’t raise the money to stay open despite a nod for Best Musical, has managed to raise the money to do a rousing number on the telecast. Star Raúl Esparza will pass around a collection plate, should you wish to help out unemployed cast members.

The plays with musical and comic elements will also be showcased. Expect James Corden, star of “One Man, Two Guvnors,” to pry a sandwich out of Hugh Jackman or some other VIP. And look for Christian Borle to ham it up as Black Stache from “Peter and the Starcatcher.”

What of Tony controversies?

Well, “the big yelp,” as Witchel used to call it, is from Actors’ Equity, the union that represents performers. It’s furious because the telecast will feature a number from a non-Equity production of “Hairspray” that’s being performed live from a Royal Caribbean cruise ship.

I’m not kidding.

Royal Caribbean Cruises is a major sponsor of the Tonys, so the company is demanding its pound of flash.

What makes this even more delicious is that Equity is receiving a special Tony Award in honor of its 100th anniversary.