Thin Line

By Marisa Demarco

Bat Boy Eats Writers—Where the heck are the wacko conspiracy theorists behind Trust No One News? The Rio Rancho tabloid-style monthly hasn't put out an issue since its third at the beginning of June as best I can tell. Given its content, I'm thinking alien abduction.

Perhaps I should check with the abductee guilds mentioned in Trust No One's Dear Ybba column, a Q&A penned by one of those egg-eyed, tiny-chinned creatures that were popping up on tchotchkes everywhere in the '90s.

According to their website, the paper's a cross between The Onion and one of those black-and-white "Bat Boy born to Klingon" job. It's got regularly featured cavemen, an ongoing bit about the Holy Grail being found in Chaco Canyon and a list of government sites kept under some kind of "surveillance," though it's not entirely clear what that means. It was shaping up to be the most readable publication in the state—present company excluded, of course. It's also perfect for this region, known for peculiarity and, let's face it, space aliens.

There (is? was?) no real division between Trust No One News advertisers and its editorial content. Take this excerpt: "I was driving down Southern Boulevard, right in front of that hair salon, the one in suite 105, HaiRazor'z, when to my surprise I saw what looked like a caveman." It's a clear reference to one of their advertisers. Still, in a paper all about the bizarre, that almost seems acceptable.

I tried to contact them using the numbers and e-mails on their site. The digits led to what is clearly a home answering machine that says something like, "For Mike, press two. For Trust No One News, press three." An e-mail tells me that Publisher Mike Trissell is very busy. I call again Sunday afternoon. A suspicious sounding woman tells me Mike is very, very busy.

Busy being a lab rat for extraterrestrial scientists planning to invade our planet. I have no proof, but I believe. Ah, well ...

Keep your fingers crossed for this funky little pub. Perhaps the aliens will return our oddball heros to us for another round, an even stranger tale. Perhaps Bat Boy will set them free. Perhaps Bat Boy will place and ad.