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Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist

Category: Relationship

Satisfied Customers: 7664

Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.

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Hey, Ive recently split with my partner and im finding it

Customer Question

Hey, I've recently split with my partner and im finding it hard, I keep going over everything in my head and so I keep remembering things that have upset me or that I thought nothing of at the time. We have 'casually' been seeing each other for a few weeks but it's clear we are not getting back together and so he asked me about 2 previous boyfriends which I answered his questions, he said he knew about them before we got together but said he thought I was worth it anyway. I got to thinking about when we were together he tried to find out how many people I had been with, to which I said let's just leave all of our previous past in the past, and then he asked me what my opinion would be if he had slept with hundreds of girls and was known for it and was known to cheat on them, would I be bothered? And I said no of course not because I trusted him. But not im over thinking it to be does he know more about me than I think and that's his way to make his opinion of me because that's what he thinks I was like? He has little digs at me from time to time about my past but surely when he brought up my 2 previous boyfriends he would of told me if he knew more then? Any light you can shed on this would be greatly appreciated thanks

Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that I can help with your concerns.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Was your ex-partner just kidding when he told you about hundreds of previous lovers on whom he cheated?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

It seems that he wanted to control your past as well as your present and was concerned that you had a history just like everyone else, except for virgins.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

It seems that he is very controlling and tries to use guilt to have power over you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If his story his true, then he is a narcissist and his behavior is sociopathic. This behaviour is not about love but about control and manipulation.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I do not think that you can have a healthy relationship with this man and you are better off being an item from the past.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are now re-examining events of the past with this man and having revelations of the true nature of your relationship. This is an awakening for you and soon you will realise that you are fortunate to have him out of your life.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Someone who can see you here and now for who you are, who respects and encourages you, who makes you feel good about yourself, is the type of partner that would suit you. This one uses all your history against you for the purpose of gaining control over you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If these thoughts are overwhelming you (and I don't think they are), I recommend a great books that will help you, whoever you are or whatever your experiences:

If you would like to know more about manipulative narcissists, or would just like a great book to read and learn about a significant group of people in our world that like to run everything and control everyone (and often succeed), then here is another great book:

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