The posted shall be amusing, interesting, and irreverent...Respect the funny.

Saturday, November 3, 2018

McMansions of Seattle

Happy Halloween, folks! Today, as a special treat, I will be giving
you something EXTRA SCARY: 10 (ten) 𝖊𝖝𝖙𝖗𝖊𝖒𝖊𝖑𝖞 𝖈𝖚𝖗𝖘𝖊𝖉
𝖒𝖈𝖒𝖆𝖓𝖘𝖎𝖔𝖓𝖘 from the breezy suburbs of Seattle.
If you
really want to be scared: all of these houses cost more than $1.5
million dollars despite looking like they were made with, like, thirty
dollars. I guess the scariest thing of all for so many of us
is 𝖗𝖎𝖉𝖎𝖈𝖚𝖑𝖔𝖚𝖘𝖑𝖞 𝖍𝖎𝖌𝖍 𝖚𝖗𝖇𝖆𝖓 𝖍𝖔𝖚𝖘𝖎𝖓𝖌
𝖕𝖗𝖎𝖈𝖊𝖘
Well, without further ado:

#10: Asphalt Purgatory

this
house really drives home the banality of ugliness but it gets bonus
points for the garage, which gives the great pyramid of Giza a run for
its money. 9

#9: Vile “Villa”

If
you really think about it, so many horror stories come true every day
if you’re a tree. you know, like helplessly watching someone slaughter
your neighbors and friends

#8: Casa del No

(computer voice): enhancingthis
is just an abomination, completely eviscerating the millennia-long
tradition of architectural detailing in the same way facebook has
eviscerated the meaning of the word “truth” for millions of old people
addicted to insane right-wing conspiracy pages

#7: Thinly-Veiled Window Showroom

sometimes
i wonder if people deliberately build these houses just to make me
(personally) angry, and this is one of those times.

#6: Stop Making Sense: The House

(shouting desperately as I’m getting dragged away by police) FERNGULLY WAS A DOCUMENTARY

#5: Duckface

did these people build a house just using random parts stolen from other construction sites or something

#4: Obligatory Faux Chateau

pin this to your halloween moodboard because this place is definitely cursed in every way imaginable

#3: Great “woof, that’s bad,” Lodge

i would make a Twin Peaks joke but none of those gables quite match

#2: (spooky voice) “code violations”

#1: Please, I beg you, No Mo PoMo

Where
to even start with this house. First of all, it is trying to be like 30
different things at once: Italian Villa, French Eclectic, Tugboat, a
thinly veiled metaphor for the perils of human indecision. What
personally pushed me over the edge was this:HOW
(how??) does this happen? (Mulder writing in his log at the end of an
episode of The X-files voice): Only in a world that has forsaken love
and truth, in favor of fear and lies, do such abominations unfold.
Happy Halloween, folks. Don’t drink and drive. As for candy: the world is ending, eat trash twizzlers be free!!! See you soon with Vermont. via

B.

B. is a copywriter and a degenerate social contributor. She resides in 2 sq foot apartment in Southern California. She continues to foster positive relationships with those around her by saying things she shouldn’t. She also flunked Spanish in college.