Girl's suicide spurs second-guessing

Holly Zachariah, The Columbus Dispatch

Tuesday

Jan 29, 2013 at 12:01 AMJan 29, 2013 at 2:58 PM

LONDON, Ohio - Hailey Petee hated her glasses, the ones with lenses so thick that they distorted the look of her pretty blue-gray eyes. Now, her parents find themselves second-guessing just how much pain their daughter hid behind those bulky frames.

LONDON, Ohio — Hailey Petee hated her glasses, the ones with lenses so thick that they distorted the look of her pretty blue-gray eyes.

She would slip them off when it came time each year for someone to snap an official school picture, but otherwise, she was stuck with them if she wanted to see anything.

Now, her parents find themselves second-guessing just how much pain their daughter hid behind those bulky frames. David Petee and Melinda Groce find themselves wondering how they could have underestimated the toll of the torment those tender young eyes had seen.

Hailey killed herself in her bedroom over the weekend. She was 11.

Petee and Groce knew that Hailey, a fifth-grader at London Elementary School, was a handful. She had attention-deficit disorder and hyperactivity, she was loud and boisterous, and she always spoke her mind.

She tried to fit in, her dad said, but sometimes she just couldn’t.

He works as a painter and had done the best he could raising Hailey and her two older sisters while Groce did a stint in prison a few years ago for possession of drugs and tampering with evidence.

But the family was whole again and making a go of it now, Petee said, yet it seemed that people were always saying or doing something that made Hailey feel out of place.

“She just wanted to be like everybody else,” Petee said.

London Schools Superintendant Thomas Ben said yesterday that he wanted to respect the family’s privacy and wouldn’t comment on whether the district had handled complaints of kids bothering Hailey. He did say that counselors and crisis-team members will stay at the school as long as necessary to help the other students cope.

A neighborhood woman who has a daughter Hailey’s age was charged in October with disorderly conduct and telephone harassment. According to the police report, she had been yelling and cursing at Hailey when she saw the girl outside, and she had been taunting the family on Facebook.

The disorderly conduct charge has since been dismissed; the other charge is pending.

For young people ages 10 to 24, suicide is the third-leading cause of death, resulting in about 4,600 deaths per year, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Last year in Franklin County, Coroner Jan Gorniak sounded the alarm when she saw what she said was a disturbing trend: Her office investigated nine suicides in 2012 in which the victim was younger than 18. That was more than in the previous four years combined.

It’s often difficult for adults to wrap their arms around the idea that kids can suffer real depression, said Paul Granello, associate professor of counselor education and school psychology at Ohio State University and co-founder of the Ohio Suicide Prevention Foundation.

“Even if we recognize the signs, there’s often less of a chance for intervention because suicide in youth is often much less planned and more impulsive,” Granello said.

Groce said her daughter had gone to her first 4-H meeting on Saturday and was looking forward to buying a guinea pig on Sunday as her new project. She killed herself overnight, leaving no note.

Through their tears yesterday, Petee, 32, and Groce, 35, could raise half-smiles as they spoke of what made Hailey special.

Like how she used to slide down the banister over and over. How she would ride her bike too fast and dangerously jump too many curbs. How she’d belt out Justin Bieber songs while in the shower even though she hadn’t quite yet mastered the art of singing on key.

Petee said he wonders what more could have been done. He believes the answer might be in this simple rule: Treat others as you would like to be treated.

They tried to teach their daughter to appreciate what made her special, he said.

Because, he said, “Everybody’s different in some way, right? Aren’t we all special?”

Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts can contact a 24-hour suicide-prevention hot line at 614-221-5445. Calling hours for Hailey will be on Wednesday from 2 to 8 p.m. at the London Church of Christ in Christian Union; the funeral will be there at 11 a.m. Thursday.

Donations to help the family cover the funeral costs can be made in care of the Hailey Petee Memorial Fund at any PNC bank branch.

hzachariah@dispatch.com

@hollyzachariah

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