I can look at my life up until this point and separate it into two distinct halves: childhood and manhood. Childhood ended and manhood began precisely when I became a husband and then a father.

He attempts to qualify that statement by indicating that it’s not exactly ideal when one doesn’t finally become a man until he marries, and yet the rest of the article derides single men for being cowards, allowing their fear to dictate their lives, the unspoken assertion being that indeed, men really do not become TRUE men until they marry. The message is clear then: you’re only a REAL man when you take on the responsibilities of marriage and raising a family. He makes certain exceptions in an effort to be balanced, but it’s obvious that he believes the vast majority of Christian single men today abstain from marrying for purely selfish, adolescent reasons.

This is so at odds with what the Apostle Paul wrote about singlehood:

But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. (1 Corinthians 7:32-34)

Paul wasn’t trying to be critical of those who were married, he was instead speaking to the realities that marriage and family can often consume one’s life so entirely that matters of Christianity become secondary. A man’s family comes first before he starts to think about the things of God. It’s interesting that Paul felt this was more of a stumbling block for Christians than that those who remained single would devolve into Peter Pan man-childs. It was Paul’s preference then that people would be more like him in regards to being single, so the distractions of familial responsibilities would not constantly sidetrack them. I believe it’s even possible to turn it into a form of idolatry too, because we all esteem family to be a noble calling, it’s so easy then for that to blind us from recognizing when it in essence becomes idol worship.

This doesn’t fit Matt Walsh’s narrative though, so he completely ignores it, instead focusing on encouraging (read: shaming) men into marrying so they can finally stop shirking their obligations to work, duty and sacrifice. It dovetails with the phenomena I continue to see in today’s churches, where men who have divorced multiple times are still treated with more respect than those who remain single. Divorce is somehow perceived as a lesser sin than a man who looks to avoid leaving behind a trail of ruined marriages and families to begin with. It’s stunning. It all stems from the stereotype that many people continue to perpetuate (whether they admit it or not), that just by virtue of marrying and having kids, this automatically validates them as being selfless, noble creatures willing to sacrifice their lives for The Greater Good, and hence morally superior to those who are single. And yet the Bible (thankfully) continues to dispute this notion. The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked, marriage or not. I’m glad I serve a God who makes “no respect of persons” then, and does not judge me based on what my marital status is.

Walsh also writes:

We’re men; we’re supposed to be the leaders. We’re supposed to take the reins, not just in our families, but in society as a whole. Sure, feminism has made many in our culture hostile to masculine, assertive men, but that doesn’t mean we should just surrender and take a back seat. In truth, even most of these deluded feminists still fiercely and quietly yearn for a man who will come into their lives and be that protector and leader. These roles are natural and ingrained, fundamentally desirable to almost everyone, and it’s up to us to reassert them. Nobody will do it for us.

What an incredibly dangerous thing to say. Women have free will as well, and to assume one merely needs to be a manly man and they will all fall into line is just horrible. I’ve known men who married hoping their leadership or devout beliefs would by default create a stable marriage and family, instead they wound up divorce-raped and destitute, accused of domestic abuse, relegated to being weekend fathers, and sometimes not even seeing their children again because their ex-wives turned the kids against them. There’s nothing admirable about recklessly endangering one’s self by marrying up whoever comes along and naively believing it will all fall into place just because your intentions are good.

Is it really smart to rush into a marriage with any woman just so Matt Walsh won’t have teh sadz? Wouldn’t it be prudent to marry WISELY instead? Walsh can’t seem to wrap his mind around the possibility that GOOD marital prospects are so rare now that I firmly believe we live in a time when we must draw on God’s divine assistance to help us find a good match. Rather than try to find a match on our own (which can often be wrong because we allow emotions to cloud our judgments, and because we’re only able to form conclusions based on what we can observe), it would seem more sensible to ask God to grant us supernatural wisdom and guidance to navigate this dangerous minefield, so we don’t end up marrying the wrong person and hence destroying our lives as a result.

It’s a shame that Walsh only wants to acknowledge the symptoms rather than the cause of the family breakdown today. Once upon a time we had only the responsibilities of marriage to worry about, but now it has been corrupted by our laws, courts, entertainment and even Christian leaders who continue to launch one-sided attacks on men as the cause all and be all of everything wrong with marriage today. Is it any wonder that so many men are “going Galt” now? Only the Lord Himself can help us navigate this insanity.

So why doesn’t Matt acknowledge the evil times we live in and encourage single men to seek the Lord in prayer instead, so if we’re meant to marry, we can do so wisely and with the peace of knowing we are operating within God’s divine will? Doesn’t one prove their selflessness by putting God ahead of everything else, including marriage? Because ultimately, Walsh is ignorant of the Bible, has demonstrated little concept of who God really is, and has allowed his judgment to be shaped by the culture he lives in.

For those looking for answers, I know this much: Only God knows why we make the decisions we do, why we abstain from marriage (or not), and whether the reasons are altruistic (or not), and only He can reveal what’s truly in our hearts. It only makes sense then to seek Him for all the answers, in all earnestness, to give us wisdom in all things, and more importantly the peace in knowing we are within His will, even when the world tells us we are wrong. He will not leave us rudderless, especially in an evil time where we need His direction now more than ever.

Matthew 6:33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

There’s a tremendous amount of peer pressure, to the extent that I think it’s easier for people who are loners or recluses to resist the siren calls, since they don’t have to endure the constant daily condemnation for not doing what society/churches expect them to do.

I’ve always said our lives are guided by a power greater than ourselves ~ God! And we never truly know what our path will be in life, only that if we have true faith we are never given more than we can handle.
People judge all the time and try to shame, we were questioned as to why were married & never had children. We felt it was no one’s business to know the deep personal answers to the probing questions, so we always quip back but we do “ours just happen to have four legs & tails!”. People usually never went beyond that, if they did I would say the births of the ponies were a real pain & the stretch marks they left were horrible!
‘Nuff said!
Awesome piece, sometimes our lives are complete with adopted pets ~ God’s creatures that need loving homes that complete our family unit, giving unconditional love.

Yeah you know what these people like Matt Walsh really need a clue. Here’s the bottom line and yeah it’s ugly.
Men should man up and marry a bunch of women who do not want them in the first place. Right, exactly.

What planet are these people like Mr. Walsh living on? Do they act like there is this hoard of single women just sitting around going “Gee I wish some guys would come over here and marry us.”

That’s the furthest thing from reality there is. Some of these people like Mr.Walsh are so out of touch with reality that I totally disregard them completely. They have no credibility have no clue at all how things go. I don’t pay any attention to people like him.

Anyone who uses shaming language I just blow them off, shaming language has been used so much now that people are just done with it and pretty much treat it as “Yeah someone going blah blah blah about a subject they know nothing about. It’s just some ignorant person with there ignorant shaming language probably totally out of touch.”

The shaming language is not godly, nor is the painting of broad strokes in something as critically serious and life changing as this. Everyone’s walk is different, so how can we know what God intends for an individual’s life, whether they are to marry or not, and when the right time would be. It’s more important that people learn how to draw closer to God to help them navigate the minefield that marriage and family has become, so when they do marry and raise a family, it’s done with the confidence of God’s providence and direction, and not because they were shamed into doing so.

I remember listening to a pastor preaching at my brother’s church encouraging childless single men to consider marrying the, apparently large number of, single mothers in his church. While he didn’t seem to be overtly shaming the mostly childless, and free, male audience, he was definitely equating “manliness” with the willingness of a man to put all at risk to date, and then marry, a single mother. I guess not too many men in his church were knocking down the doors of these young women and their children by another man.

I thought at the time, although perhaps not as clearly as I do now, that it’s interesting how the path to “manhood” is too often equated with a man’s willingness to take on a woman’s past choices and “baggage” as his own. I’ve heard the same speech from the mouths of single mothers I once dated (when I naively still believed marriage had any value for me). When I would disagree with single mommy, or the relationship was at it’s end, inevitably I was told by single mom “Well, I thought you were ‘man enough’ to take all this on….but I guess not”….or something like that. And, of course, many blogs and forums on the internet by “empowered” single mommy cry out how men aren’t “man enough” to deal with single mommies lives.

It’s interesting how I am man enough to own my own home and vehicles, man enough to have earned degrees and certifications in my field, man enough to be employed regularly, man enough to have wisely avoided marrying someone whom would eventually initiate the divorce (as wives do most of the time), man enough to have a sizeable 401K and IRA, but somehow I’m truly not a man. Somehow, unless I put myself, my life, my assets, and my happiness, at high risk to marry….and even moreso marry a single mother….only then will I be considered a “Man”.

These pastors fail to preach to women about their part of the marriage quagmire in the West. The high divorce rate wherein the majority of marriages ended by wives. The family courts, fueled by some twisted feminism that both celebrates a woman’s “independence” and yet usually financially and visitation-wise takes much more from the man. The expectation by now single mommies that we guys be willing to put ourselves at risk to take on her poor choices, while we guys will get to be last priority, likely lose time, dreams, money, and respect in our own home just to somehow prove our manhood. For some reason, women aren’t taken to task for their part in the mess that now pervades, as if women are still merely innocent victims in the whole process….yet another weird twist in the feminist dogma: empowered and yet supposedly victimized because we men won’t step up to the plate anymore.

Further, I remember a divorced woman I expressed an interest in dating once when she asked me “Have you ever been married?” which she followed with a comment that she was concerned about dating a guy in his 30s who had never apparently committed his life to a woman in a long-term legal contract. So, I responded to her with something like, “No I’ve never been married. But to your concern that I may not be able to maintain a committed relationship because of the fact I’ve never married, at least for you there is still some “mystery” that when this guy gets into a serious relationship he will be committed. For me, however, you have already proven when you get into a committed relationship, even after it lasts for years, your divorce, for me, removes all mystery as your commitment will be questionable.” Needless to say, I was the “b*****d” for proving the point that she wanted to hold the fact that she’d even bothered with a marriage that she as likely ended herself as higher esteemed than simply being single.

The churches have been lopsided on this issue for a long, long time. Rarely are women ever admonished for making incredibly poor decisions, while men who have led more responsible lives are derided and shamed into becoming the sloppy seconds (or thirds, or fourths, etc) of these single moms. The result is an exodus of eligible men who leave the church, refusing to stick around and participate in this feminist circus, while a growing mass of women continue to have children out of wedlock.

I personally know people who married teenage single moms, and it’s becoming more and more common place. Parents (and the church) have become so absent and negligent in trying to instill any sense of moral code on a younger generation of women that finding one who remains chaste beyond high school has virtually become an urban legend.

Even worse, studies have shown that the risk of divorce increases exponentially with women who sleep with more than one man, The more partners they’ve had, the more the chance of divorce tilts from a possibility to a certain inevitability.

What that leaves us with is the reality that many men will live their entire lives with no chance of realizing a successful and happy marriage. The pool of decent marital prospects is just too small for that to be possible anymore. Not even God can change the math, especially if we have free will. It’s wholly possible then that He may have had a spouse in mind for us, but that person made their own decisions and walked another path in a full rejection of God’s providence. It is what it is.

Unfortunately too many men will still capitulate and white knight their way through life, perpetually enabling the bad behavior of women. As long as women always have these type of weak men as their safety net, there remains little incentive to change their ways.

As good hearted as that pastor may assess himself to be [for encouraging the young men to marry the single moms], I have always wondered what happened to Paul’s admonitions about divorce and his cautions about re-marrying following divorce. Evidently western pastors don’t believe that part of scripture that forbids a divorced person to re-marry. I don’t know of any pastors who will refuse to perform a ceremony to re-marry someone to a new spouse.

Ironic that so many (most?) pastors are the most egregious practitioners of selective obedience/adherence to scripture. No wonder the world and so many in the church are so dismissive of the authority of scripture.

It really takes a special kind of arrogance to seek leadership positions with little to no fear that what you wind up teaching the masses might be wrong. I’d be terrified of leading people astray given all the dire warnings God has against false shepherds and teachers. Thanks for your comment!