Dead Serious Mailbag: How Do I Get Tinder Matches If I’m a Non-White Guy?

In general (not always, but typically), gals of all races prefer white men to other skin colors. Tinder seems to be all tall white guys getting the matches and I’m getting no love on the app.

What can I do to help equalize their chances?

The Dead Serious Mailbag is back babyyyyy. I took the mailbag email address off of my phone because I’m so used to getting zero notifications and the mailbag was blowing up. Let me sit alone in my dark room and stop bothering me. I can’t read emails AND cry at the same time, folks.

Also, stop emailing me Ron Baker slander. He’s the best point guard in New York Knicks history and no one can tell me otherwise.

But I had to pop this question up here because I must help my black brethren get through this crazy dating game unscathed. Can’t have these young kings out here with slumped shoulders because Becky and Amanda won’t right swipe them.

First of all, you’re half right. Girls on Tinder do in fact statistically favor our Caucasian counterparts. Thems the breaks. Well actually, women on Tinder favored their same race but since a majority of the users are white, the stats are skewed in favor of lame white guys.

However, to say that ‘gals of all races prefer white men’ is a strange hypothesis. White guys are lame and enjoy going fishing and shit. I don’t want any minorities out here thinking they’re less than white guys because they’re not getting right swipes.

Also, white girls suck as well. They’re always like ‘yoga’ and ‘Khloe Kardashian is so funny’. Ugh, the worst.

You need to hop off Tinder and start hitting the streets, my brother. Look, I fully understand the joys of that ‘Congratulations, you have a match!’ push notification. That got me through a summer. But you know what’s an even better feeling? Mackin live and in person. Tinder matches are cool or whatever but actual human feedback is undefeated. Let them know that you’re more than their preconceived notions of you.

Oh, also take them to the nearest basketball hoop and show them that you can dunk like Billy Hoyle in White Men Can’t Jump. This is arguably the most important part. Forget everything I said earlier. Delete Tinder and dunk on people.