T-Rex Beat Down, Round One: Gwangi vs. Loner!

Welcome to the first Quarterfinals Round of The T-Rex Beat Down: March Madness with Tyrannosaurs! Join us every day from March 24-April 2 as eight fearsome tyrannosaurs fight for the world T-Rex championship title!

Today’s prehistoric contestants: Gwangi, from Valley of the Gwangi, versus Jim Lawson’s Loner! We invite you to cast your own vote for your favorite in this match. Will your favorite win or end up as Rex food?!? We’re about to find out!

As our first two T-Rex superstars roar into the ring, let’s take a moment to get The Tale of the Tape:

Gwangi (Valley of the Gwangi):

Little-seen but never bettered in the stop-motion era, Gwangi was the creation of movie effects god Ray Harryhausen! Gwangi is an Allosaurus, not a T-Rex, but he made the field by killing Barney the Purple Dinosaur in the play-in game. Punching way above his weight to be in this all-Rex competition, Gwangi is still a force to be reckoned with. He’s a creature from out of time, tough enough to survive into the present age in an isolated valley in the Mexican wilderness. Before CGI changed everything, Gwangi set the gold standard for anatomically-correct stop-motion dinosaur thrills! On the downside, Gwangi has the personality of a dishrag and was once lassoed by lame cowboys. The odds are against Gwangi getting out of the first round; but, even with those tiny arms, his Harryhausen pedigree gives Gwangi a puncher’s chance!Let’s see a clip of Gwangi in action against a Styracosuarus!

Jim Lawson’s Loner:

Jim Lawson created Loner in 2011 for his web comic Paleo: Loner. Mistreated and unloved as an infant, Loner lived a hate-filled life enforcing brutal domination upon every creature he met. Feared and hated by every dinosaur, he came back as a ghost and killed some more! His only show of compassion or empathy was for a similarly mistreated young tyrannosaur. On the downside, he eats babies and tends to fight before he thinks.Let’s have a look at this raging beast!

Loner by Jim Lawson

And there’s the starting bell! Let’s go to the ring for the Play By Play!

Our two contestants begin by circling each other suspiciously. They growl and roar a terrible rage that sends other animals scurrying into their dens or flying away. Loner, a full-grown Tyrannosaur, possesses a major size advantage over Gwangi – an Allosaurus. But, Gwangi doesn’t mind chewing on the horns on a Styracosaur. Gwangi puts his fearsome choppers to work on Loner by dashing in quickly and ripping at Loner’s underside.

The swift attack startles Loner, but he did not rise to the top of the food chain by being an easy target. Loner’s massive jaws strike down full-force at Gwangi, who fails to dodge in time.

Loner’s serrated teeth firmly clench the Allosaur as he whips Gwangi violently back and forth. A lesser dinosaur would lose consciousness. Gwangi lashes with his powerful tail and stabs Loner in the eye. Crying in pain, Loner releases Gwangi.

The hate rises within Loner, who swiftly charges his opponent. Gwangi leaps, attempting to jump onto Loner’s back, where he can safely tear away at the larger dinosaur. But all he manages to grab is the side of Loner’s neck.

Gushing blood into Gwangi’s mouth, Loner again strikes with his tyrant jaws. He clamps onto Gwangi’s back, gripping and ripping through the spinal column. Gwangi plummets to the ground, his central nervous system severed.

Thank you for showing some love for Gwangi, Horace! He is one bad-ass Allosaurus and that Harryhausen magic should count for something.

Alas, when we suggested Gwangi stay in the Allosaurs league and keep his championship there, he savagely attacked us. He smashed out all our windows, tore the roof off our apartment, and left mutilated styracosuar carcasses on our lawn every day for a week.

Our neighbors called the dinosaur police. They decided we should let him in this tournament before he destroyed the entire neighborhood.

The one thing we don’t understand is how you count the dimensions. These are not fictional characters. Gwangi and Loner are real, live dinosaurs. We know this for a fact because we had to feed them all week after they flew in for the tournament!