November 19, 2011

Now that a personalized, crystal-clear picture is at everyone's fingertips, it is pure torture to let someone else man the controls. Watching my friends operate a DVR makes me feel like a nervous backseat driver. When I'm at my in-laws’ house, for instance, I have to watch the Patriots game in a separate room because my father-in-law will inevitably flip over to golf during commercials. Personally, I like to pause the action every time there's a stoppage in play or when, say, the damn Patriots defense allows yet another third down conversion. (That happens a lot.) After I hit pause, I'll walk around the house a few times grinding my teeth. If I did that with company around, it would inevitably lead to someone complaining about being behind real time and somebody else whining that he can’t check his fantasy numbers without spoiling the game that’s now on pause. And they would be right to complain, if those hypothetical people still came over to watch football. Thankfully, I’ve scared them all away.

I have to watch the Patriots game in a separate room because my father-in-law will inevitably flip over to golf during commercials

Which of course happens all the time, as a football game consists of three hours of commercials for cars, beer, life insurance and limp-d*ck drugs, interspersed with a few bits and pieces of actual play. Not that we have any choice but to watch. If you don't (metaphorically) fellate the Almighty NFL, aka The Most Important Sport in the World, you're a freak and weirdo, if not some sort of f*gg*t.

I love solitude. I love people but I could also be a hermit. Doing surveillance is hours of solitude. I had a woman who worked for me for 10 years. She was superb, but the solitude got to her. I think Garbo was unique for females.

Long ago, I had a roomate who liked to listen to sports radio, loud, while watching TV also with the volume loud. Drove me batshit!

So, yes, I like to get all metrosexual and watch football by myself in a spotless, ultramodern penthouse with sixty foot ceilings and sunsplashed walls of glass (place your cursor over "Man watching football alone" photo to see caption).

PJ O'Rourke has a book out ... to help people survive Thanksgiving's company by not talking politics. His book's title is: "Don't vote - it only encourages them."

It seems, if you're going to watch football with others, you want to be in a good cook's house. With lots beers around. And, real food. Not dips and chips.

Heck, with an in-law who wants to know the latest in a golf game; you could wear an iPod piece in your ear. And, smile a lot. If anyone asks you what you're listening to while you're socializing ... you could tell them "Music" ... istead of "play-by-play" football.

As to "breaking in" ... the networks do it all the time.

Long ago, when TV was new ... there were one or two commercials ... at breaks ... spread at least ten minutes apart.

Today? You're lucky if the slices of commercial time ... leave you two minute breaks to watch a show.

At a sports bar. And, with his back to the plasma screen, the bartender can work the bar ... to get orders for the next setup.

Fuck the NFL/NBA/MLB and all that shit. I watch live tennis which does have ads but for classy things like Rolex watches and Axe Body Spray. Then there's fact that tennis features very little in terms of extended stoppages. The matches can go from 1-3 hours and no stupid shot clock.

A friend of mine pauses movies to talk about them, point out some trivia, etc.

Others don't have quite the same right, it being his remote control.

Before we could do such a thing, when the TV was in control, everyone had to be slave to what was offered. Now the person with the remote is in control and it's every bit, or even more, imposing of those who have to put up with it.

My husband and I watch movies or television in near silence... because we like each other.

Real men watch the best tennis, meaning the men. Yeah there's a porno factor in some women's tennis but the quality of the play is bush league. But watching Roger Federer ply his trade is like getting to peak in on Michelangelo painting the Sistine Chapel.

Alex, you're hardcore. After McEnroe retired, and milquetoasts like Sampras and Federer took the reins, I couldn't give a fig about men's tennis. The Russian plan for world domination includes something to do with their gorgeous female tennis players, I'm sure. Not only are the players good looking, they grunt like mares in heat on every hit. What's not to like?

On another note, I hate the douche who wrote this article for Slate. He has to watch the game by himself? He's happy to 'virtual high-five' on Twitter? What the hell is this world coming to? Pretty soon he won't have to have any human contact at all. He can just be friends with some virtual entity who won't bother him with silly things like asking him to start the DVR while the game is on, God forbid. I'm surprised he can take time out from his navel-gazing to even watch something like a football game.

Alex, you're hardcore. After McEnroe retired, and milquetoasts like Sampras and Federer took the reins, I couldn't give a fig about men's tennis.

So you were one of those NFL types that McEnroe brought into watch a few tournaments a year like Wimbledon right? Well tennis is in better shape now then ever. I attended the Indian Wells event last March and the attendance was a new record. You don't need temper tantrums, the athletic quality of the competition is jaw-dropping stuff.

So, you electronically watch a game that you cannot control -- a game which has no meaning in the larger scheme of things -- and you are so intensely involved in this meaningless entertainment that you've driven away family and friends.Well, that an interesting set of priorities.

Watching football alone might be ok if you are not emotionally invested in the team or game. But for many fans, watching alone is pointless and tortuous. You need to have your friends with you for laughs and solace.

Legion Field (not a great field by any means) or Bryant Denny on a fall afternoon was stupendous. At some point everyone knew where Shorty Price was in the stadium.

Technology is ruining the in person experience, I think. Promoters are so worried and intent on keeping everyone entertained, that the game on the field has become superfluous. The videos, the ever-changing rock music (just when you get into it, they turn it off). Knowledge is getting killed along with the experience.

I've never been a big supporter of the expensive 3D-capable HD tv's, but I didn't realize they were broadcasting NFL and NHL games in 3D. That changes quite a bit. I was in a store last week and looked at a couple of them, goggles and all. Yes, the goggles are a pain, but the picture is sooooo worth it.

I have zero confidence that I'm going to be dropping $1000 or so into a TV when my youngest child is still under 5 years old, as I have 100% confidence that the three of them will conspire to break it. Someday, however...someday.

So you were one of those NFL types that McEnroe brought into watch a few tournaments a year like Wimbledon right?

Now? Yes. Then? As a kid I actually liked tennis. McEnroe, Connors and Bjorn Borg were my favorites. I have Arthur Ashe's autobiography. I lost interest in the next wave of players after that. Yeah, I liked McEnroe's antics, but he and Connors liked to come to the net alot. Sampras and the next wave were a lot of booming-serve-and-volley guys. I'm sure tennis is more exquisite than ever, but I dropped it and haven't recovered the taste for it.