You have a body and that body can get a little stinky. That is a huge turn off to women…

Particularly the washing up needs to happen “down there” if you have any hope of getting blowjobs. You may think you smell just fine, but in the words of Fat Bastard, “Everybody loves their own aroma.” Her vagina doesn’t have a sense of smell, so as long as you don’t smell terrible all over, she can lie back and think about shoe sales for the two minutes it takes you to be done…

Her nose does have a sense of smell though and when it’s nuzzling into your crotch she’s going to get a heady whiff of whatever has been happening down there. Two-day-old underwear with urine stains aren’t going to cut it. If you’ve spent half the day getting hard over the busty chick in the cubicle next to you and there’s something approaching a pint of drying pre-cum swill in your pants, that’s going to smell bad. Women have sensitive noses, far more sensitive than those of men. Faced with smells as strong as these, she’s just going to uncontrollably gag as soon as something goes in her mouth. Wives hate that.

Even if the last person you had sex with was her, if that’s not cleansed off with soap and water and is just left au naturale, within 24 hours your cock is going to smell like you have a fetish for bare-backing cheap zombie hookers. So please, wash your cock.

As much as we like to complain about feminism and our man-hating culture, a bar of soap and a daily scrubbing is more likely to get you what you’re after than any amount of radical social changes.

And if there be any doubt among ye, thus speaketh the Lord:

‘Now if a man has a seminal emission, he shall bathe all his body in water and be unclean until evening. As for any garment or any leather on which there is seminal emission, it shall be washed with water and be unclean until evening. If a man lies with a woman so that there is a seminal emission, they shall both bathe in water and be unclean until evening.’
-Leviticus 15:16-18

Granted, we don’t have to worry about being ceremonial unclean to enter the temple anymore. But bathing and washing is still a good idea.