By now you all might have discovered a theme to my titles…all song lyrics. Now I didn’t do it on purpose (my first title was a private joke and shout out to a friend, who besides being my biggest fan has become one of my best friends) but then I realized it kind of fit…whatever post I was writing needed a sound track and Lord knows I’m infamous for songs getting stuck in my head.

These song lyrics were given to me by some young friends during my first few angry days following discovery. I googled the song, it hit home and made me laugh (not my usual sweet cackle, but a kind of scary insane laughter) I wish I could say I didn’t email it to my husband and “the whore” but I was hurting and I figured I should share the wealth.

See the first couple of days I was actually very nice to her, I felt sorry for her. Go ahead and reach up and gently push your chin back in place, with your mouth hanging open like that your co-worker in the next cubicle is gonna wonder what’s up…I felt SORRY FOR HER!!! Okay stop yelling and throwing things at the computer I’m going to explain.

I, Kelly, am a female chauvinist…I believe anything men can do women can do better…Men were God’s first try, then he got it right…We love each other and support each other, and should lift each other up not tear each other down..Join in with me SISTERS we are WOMEN AND WE CAN DO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING…We can solve the worlds problems all while baking a cake and feeding a baby.

And so here I sat reading a letter, and discovering my husband is cheating and there just “happened” to be a telephone number written on the envelope. Me being me..I called it and got her voicemail and I left her a very polite, very nice direct message “This is Kelly ****, I think we have some things to talk about and I would appreciate it if you would call me back”…an hour later after trying to cry to my husband and finding him pissed and not so supportive of her (he always knew in his heart that she sent it)…she decided to call me back…and as I listened to her pleas of ignorance (please make the voice nasally and whiny, I’m all about this being true) “I didn’t know he was still married”…”He told me he was getting a divorce” …”I am so sorry”…”I feel sick, I think I’m going to throw up”….and on and on she went…she was good, I have to give her credit for that.

I am in shock and my head is spinning from the surreal u-turn my normal life had taken and the WHOLE night she is calling me, feeding me with “details” and there I sat naive to the fact that there are truly evil people in the world. I think part of my problem was I tend to try to see the best in people..my greatest attribute “I see the best in people” and my biggest flaw “I try to see the best in people”…often they fight it out.

There I sat chowing down on the supper of “bullshit” she was feeding me. I would like to go back and scream at myself “Put down the fork you idiot that ain’t a pie filled with remorse it’s full of shit!!” (please tell me you have all watched “The Help” if not stop reading this NOW…go grab a copy, watch it and then you can rejoin us) Difference is I didn’t deserve to eat shit (that was a hard one to come to terms with…I didn’t do anything wrong and I didn’t deserve what was happening..ugg yet another story to tell)

I would have had more respect for her if she’d just told me the truth “Hey Kelly look, I know you love your husband and your life but I left my husband in the hopes I could get yours to leave you…and well… he is finding that hard to do and is fighting trying to get back to you, but I really like the thought of living your life…it looks easy and it’s a nice house, better than the trailer I share with my mom, and I know how much money your husband makes and I LIKE TO SPEND MONEY…so could you just move on cuz all my tricks, my little games aren’t working so good and he’s getting farther from me and closer to you”.

Who knows if she’d said “pretty please” I might have scooted over for just a minute to let her try my muck boots on. This glamorous life she thought I lived was one of hard work, callused hands, and broken finger nails (first one of those would have sent her over the ledge). I often smile at the thought of her trying to shovel wet wood chips filled with pig poop, pushing the heavy wheelbarrow through banks of snow…sigh…sorry..So fine while I probably wouldn’t have done that if for no other reason I would never..EVER have let that whore near my children. I would have at least given her props for honesty. Or better yet if she had been smarter in her lies she might have at least gotten me (a thorn in her fat backside) out of the picture. If you are gonna lie at least be smart about it, but who are we kidding not only did she have low morals but a low IQ too.

We were actually talking and I was apologizing to HER… I was apologizing for my husband and his actions and the lies he told (did he tell her lies? Yes it was an affair and he told her what she wanted to hear). She thought she had found her crack in my side of the marriage, and by prying it open and feeding my anger at him and sympathy for her, she could walk away with him at last, and I have to give her credit…it almost worked.

“I have emails and texts between us” she volunteered eagerly, “do you want them?”

I know what you are all screaming “Don’t do it Kelly..say no..Hang up the phone!!” but unfortunately it was like some 90’s horror movie with Drew Barrymore naively talking on the phone, as the killer stood behind her (finally I was getting to be in a horror movie…I love them..but later I would realize it was just a “whore movie”) and I said “yes”…after many call backs and getting to listen to her sob in her whiny voice

“I’m so upset, I think I’m going to throw up” and then more calls after her “friends” took her out to get drunk cuz they knew how upset she was (classy to the end my friends) she told me she was going to go confront MY husband for “what he had done to her!!” She called me outside his work apartment because he wouldn’t answer the door or her calls.. slurring she informed me “he’s too scared to talk to me” so I called him and he answered and unwilling opened the door..what followed was basically her screaming, him asking her to leave and both of them hanging up on me.

Favorite part of the evening when he stepped in the other room to talk to me and she answered my friend’s phone call..when my friend asked her who she was she said “his friend, I’m sitting here listening to them fight”..”are you together?” my friend asked and the whore replied “I’m waiting to see what happens with them” Funny thing about this conversation she later claimed she broke up with him (in court under oath..nope not even going there today).

When she finally realized he wasn’t going to “play her games” she got violent…as she proudly told me later that night “I hit him over and over and he just stood there telling me to leave or he’d call the police so I punched him right in the eye, ” she exclaimed strangely satisfied like I should pat her on the back or give her a gold star” I hope he has a black eye at work tomorrow!!!” (FYI another little tidbit she lied about under oath).

I sat there listening, thinking “for this white trash he risked losing me”…Over the next two days I received dozens upon dozens of emails from her followed by texts always wanting to “make sure I got them” “Had I read them?” Finally my eyes were clear enough from the tears and I started rereading them…and they didn’t make sense.

Conversations started and jumped around like pieces were cut out…her claims of “not knowing” were hard to believe when in email after email she whined”I’m tired of being the mistress” (oh honey that’s too nice of a title you were “the whore”)”Leave Your Wife” “I’m tired of being a secret” “I would have loved to have come to your son’s graduation if you would have asked” (as what “the whore”) and a thousand other wants and demands to be more than the other woman. So she was lying to me and it finally made me mad…okay it made me furious, why lie to ME..then it hit me and my inner voice of sanity whispered,” because she wants you gone, and to stand in your closet and try on your shoes”

I took a deep breath and I talked to my husband, asking him a hard question “is she pregnant?” now my husband had spent two years lying to me and I was stupid and believed him, but whole time in my heart…my gut.. I knew he was lying because he sucks at it “WHAT??” he asked and then he laughed bitterly “NO, she’s not pregnant Kelly, she likes to use “that one” to get her way.” So I emailed her asking her about it.

The night of her drunken rampage she had let me know “worst of all I don’t even know if I’m pregnant or not” she cried to me…”call me” she responded to my email…”ARE YOU PREGNANT?” I emailed her…”why won’t you call me” she responded “Because today I am angry…Are You Pregnant? He says you aren’t and that you are lying” she finally emailed me back “No I’m not you misunderstood me…” Now let me share a little secret with all of you… If your husband’s mistress tells you she’s pregnant you don’t “misunderstand”… so I emailed her back ” my husband might be wrong about a lot of things but he’s right you are manipulative and vindictive”

That is when I stopped feeling sorry for her, stopped apologizing and got mad. She will forever more be known in my house and among my friends as “the whore”…and just in case you are all wondering? I can call her that because it’s true… I looked up the definition and not only does the description fit her to a T, but it has a picture of her fat gartered thigh beside it.

As Joey and Rory sing….Cheater, Cheater where’d you meet that…Low down, up town, slept with every guy around, Pressed on eyelash, no good, white trash ho…

Cheater, cheater, where’d you meet her
Down at Earnie’s bar?
Did she smile and wave, twirl her hair and say
How cute your dimples are?

Did she use that line, “your place or mine”
While you danced with her real slow?
Now cheater, cheater, where’d you meet that
No good white trash hoe?

Liar, liar, did you buy her
Whiskey all night long?
Did you hide your ring in the pocket of your jeans
Or did you just keep it on?

When the deed was done and you had your fun
Did you think I wouldn’t know?Now cheater, cheater, where’d you meetThat no good white trash hoe?

Now I’m not one to judge someone
That I ain’t ever met
But to lay your hands on a married man
Bout as low as a gal can get

Hey I wish her well as she rots in hell
And you can tell her I said so

Now cheater, cheater, where’d you meet that
No good white trash hoe?
Hey

Loser, loser, hope you love her
Cause you’re stuck with her now
Take your sorry butt and load up all your stuff
And get the hell out of my house

But I just wish you’d tell me this
One thing before you go
Now cheater, cheater where’d you meet that
No good white trash hoe?

Now cheater, cheater, where’d you meet that
Low down, uptown, slept with every guy around,
Pressed on eyelash, no good white trash hoe?

2 Responses to Cheater, Cheater where’d you meet her?

I am so so sorry in so many ways. I try to read and want to so much to read all of it…BUT I CAN’T!! I cry, laugh,cry,BUT MOST OF ALL GET PISSED! (I have work to do and cant be so emotionally up set…lol.)heart breaks for all of you! I can understand where you were. I could tell you stories of my life..but I won’t. There is no greater love than your children! I will continue to try and finish
. I have not read a full page yet. But I will try..I end up skipping do to the water fall…
I wish you all the best you deserve so much. I truly truly wish all of you the best ..always thought you all were a wonderful family and I still do!