How to Play a Giff like a Bombastic Bombadier

How to Play a Giff like a Bombastic Bombadier

Right before the end of 2018, I had the chance to play on Dice, Camera, Action as giff Sergeant Ernest “Thunder” Pakka alongside James Introcaso as Corporal Rufus “Lightning” Derm, Holly Conrad as Strix and Jared Knabenbauer as Diath. Dice, Camera, Action is a livestreamed weekly D&D show featuring Chris Perkins as its Dungeon Master and following the adventures of the “Waffle Crew,” a group of self-proclaimed “suboptimal” adventurers struggling to have a normal and happy life while malevolent misfortune dogs them at every turn.

Oh, and Sgt. Pakka and Cpl. Derm are giff, a race of big, spacefaring hippo-people armed with massive black powder weapons and equipped with every British naval trope in the book. They’re native to the Spelljammer campaign setting, but most recently appeared in Mordenkainen’s Tome of Foes. Every appearance of the giff sparks fan speculation that Wizards of the Coast will soon revive Spelljammer as a campaign setting, and combined with the inclusion of the Spelljammer villains known as neogi in Volo’s Guide to Monsters and the appearance of a Spelljammer helm in Dungeon of the Mad Mage, such speculation is not entirely without merit—despite the insistent denials of D&D’s Senior Director of Global Brand Marketing and Strategy, Nathan Stewart.

But we’ve gotten off track. I love giff, and they’re a great addition to your campaign, even if you’re not playing in Spelljammer or another spacefaring setting. I had the chance to play a giff to the hilt as a player, but let’s focus on DM advice in this article. Even though I had control of a giff as a player, I didn’t have a giff race to play as; I used the giff statblock provided in Mordenkainen’s Tome of Foes. It was more than enough for a two-and-a-half hour-long livestream, but the resources for a giff player character aren’t quite there yet.

Playing a Giff as a Friendly NPC

Giff tend to be neutral mercenaries that obediently serve their superiors in their strict military hierarchy. This means that giff can be loyal allies or staunch enemies, as they are strictly trained to never disobey orders. If a giff has been assigned to your protection, rest easy: they will never willingly betray you. Introducing a giff character takes a bit of creativity, since they are almost all spacefarers. Sgt. Pakka and Cpl. Derm, for instance, were stationed on the Rock of Bral, an asteroid base in the Tears of Selûne, an asteroid cluster in low orbit around Toril, home planet of the Forgotten Realms.

Of course, you could edit out the spacefaring stuff altogether and make giff seafarers or skyfarers with Eberron-style airships. That’s an easy way to incorporate them into a setting without even glancing at science fiction. But if you’re sticking to their spacefaring roots, you’ll want to think of how that fits with your campaign setting. If you’re playing in the Forgotten Realms, just snag the Rock of Bral. Easy! If you’re playing in a homebrew setting, you can use Spelljammer as connective tissue to link your campaign setting to the broader D&D Multiverse. A Spelljamming craft descends from the heavens before the characters, and a hulking, hippo-headed humanoid swaggers out in full military uniform. Silly? Oh, certainly. But we’re here to have fun, aren’t we?

Ernest Pakka was nothing short of a delight to play, because I had the chance to lean into a boisterous, archetypal personality. James Introcaso bought us each a prop monocle and cigar, and we each provided our own ridiculous, blustery faux-British accent. We hashed out a little list of Spelljammery slang (James exclaimed “Phlogiston!” in place of “Curses!” and so forth). And of course, we also stuffed our vocabulary with bits of over-the-top British pomp. Redwall was an unforgettable book series of my childhood, and I channeled the “pip pips,” “wot wots,” and assorted pompous jargon of Basil Stag Hare from the series’ first books with gusto—with a dash of Bertie Wooster thrown in for good measure. I suspect just about everyone has read or watched a character in media with that sort of bluster they can draw upon.

Frankly, the persona is so broadly recognizable that I suspect any player would recognize and enjoy it, even if you’ve never practiced it once in your life. The accoutrements of a bowler hat, monocle, and cigar are hardly necessary, but they certainly help sell the bit.

Running a Giff as a Foe

If your players are facing a giff or a platoon thereof as their enemies, they may have mixed feelings. Surely they’ll be amused by the giffs’ over-the-top bluster, but if you’re doing your job right, they may come to fear their unrelenting doggedness. They cannot be reasoned with—no matter how affable they may be—and they will not give up until their contract is completed. Which means that someone must have put out a hit on the player characters, and hired the most talented spacefaring hippo-mercenaries money can buy.

Giff have a cultural love of heavy explosives. Which means that, with every defeat the giff mercenaries endure, you should be encouraged to up the stakes. The giff in Mordenkainen’s Tome of Foes already possess a musket and a grenade, but you can pilfer the Dungeon Master’s Guide for even more weapons.

Regardless of how you run your giff as villains, they’re actually quite simple to run in combat. On foot, they want to keep a healthy distance from their enemies and blast them to smithereens with the most potent ordinance available. Only in dire circumstances does a giff draw their rapier—killing an enemy with a sword isn’t jolly good fun at all. One’s much too likely to get blood on their uniform, eh wot?

Giff Characters

This is unofficial, non-canon content, and is not legal for Adventurers’ League play.

Now, I know people want to play giff characters. I’ve seen it in my Discord channel, on Twitter, and so forth. Unfortunately, there are no official resources for giff player characters, but there’s nothing wrong with a little homebrew. I hope Wizards of the Coast decides to release an official giff race as part of a charity effort, just like they did for tortles in The Tortle Package, but if it ever happens, it will probably happen in conjunction with a Spelljammer release.

It’s easy to spot the giff in a room: a group of 7-foot-tall, hippopotamus-headed humanoids attired in gaudy military uniforms, with gleaming pistols and muskets on display. These spacefaring mercenaries are renowned for their martial training and their love of explosives.

Military Organization. Every aspect of giff society is organized along military lines. From birth until death, every giff has a military rank. It must follow orders from those of superior rank, and it can give orders to those of lower rank. Promotions don’t depend on age but are granted by a superior as a reward for valor. Giff are devoted to their children, even as most of their education is geared toward fighting and war.

Mercenaries Extraordinaire. Giff are in high demand as warriors for hire, but they insist on serving in units composed entirely of giff; a giff hiring itself out individually is unheard of. Giff refuse to fight other giff, and will never agree to a contract unless it stipulates that they can sit out a battle rather than wage war against their kin. A giff prizes the reputation of its unit above its own life. Life is fleeting, but the regiment endures for generations or even centuries.

A Whiff of Gunpowder. Muskets and grenades are the favorite weapons of every giff. The bigger the boom, the brighter the flash, and the thicker the smoke it produces, the more giff love a weapon. Their skill with gunpowder is another reason for their popularity as mercenaries. Giff revel in the challenge of building a bomb big enough to level a fortification. They gladly accept payment in kegs of gunpowder in preference to gold, gems, or other currency.

No Honor in Magic. Some giff become wizards, clerics, and other kinds of spellcasters, but they’re so infrequent that most giff mercenary units have no magical capability. Typical giff are as smart as the average human, but their focus on military training to the exclusion of all other areas of study can make them seem dull-witted to those who have more varied interests.

—Mordenkainen’s Tome of Foes

Giff Names

A giff’s name is big and pompous, just like the being who bears it. Most giff have a given name and a surname, just like most human beings, also possess a rank and nickname. Giff are assigned the rank of trainee at birth, and are promoted to the rank of ensign upon reaching adulthood. Most giff rise through the ranks as they age, and they are conditioned from birth to defer unerringly to all giff of higher rank. A giff’s nickname is assigned by their peers during their service, and can be a term of endearment, derision, respect, or fear. Most giff amass a hoard of nicknames over their lifetimes, and use them variably depending on the occasion.

Giff Traits

Age. Giff mature slightly faster than humans, becoming adults at age 14. Most elderly giff pass away around 70 years old, but most giff die in the line of duty or blow themselves up long before then.

Alignment. Most giff are lawful neutral, adhering strictly to the orders of their commanders with little concern for the morality of their actions, as long as it gives them an excuse to deploy excessively heavy ordinance.

Powerful Build. You count as one size larger when determining your carrying capacity and the weight you can push, drag, or lift.

Speed. Your base walking speed is 30 feet.

Giff Weapon Training. You have been trained to wield firearms since birth. You have proficiency with muskets and pistols, and can ignore their loading property.

Headfirst Charge. If you move at least 20 feet straight toward a target and then hit it with a melee weapon attack on the same turn, that creature must succeed on a Strength saving throw with a DC equal to 8 + your Strength modifier + your proficiency bonus, or take 7 (2d6) bludgeoning damage and be knocked prone.

The damage increases to 3d6 at 11th level, and 4d6 at 16th level.

Natural Armor. You have thick, leathery skin. When you aren’t wearing armor, your AC is 12 + your Constitution modifier. You can use your natural armor to determine your AC if the armor you wear would leave you with a lower AC. A shield’s benefits apply as normal while you use your natural armor.

Languages. You can speak, read, and write Common.

James Haeck is the lead writer for D&D Beyond, the co-author of Waterdeep: Dragon Heistand theCritical Role Tal'Dorei Campaign Setting, the DM of Worlds Apart, and a freelance writer for Wizards of the Coast, the D&D Adventurers League, and Kobold Press. He lives in Seattle, Washington with his partner Hannah and their cat-headed explosives experts, Mei and Marzipan. You can usually find him wasting time on Twitter at @jamesjhaeck.

Comments

My dream character for the longest time has been a giff monk who's fighting style is, for all intensive purposes, best summed up as old Victorian "Fisticuffs! Jolly Good !" instead of anything with a gun.

By Jove, I would play without stat bonuses of any kind - that would be such sport, eh Pakka? Those beggars haven't got a prayer.

I think the ability score bonuses were the part of this subclass I waffled on the most. But I'm convinced that Strength and Dexterity were the right way to go. Several people have asked why the giff race has this stat spread, so I want to show my thought process. Now, in the long run, my reasoning doesn't mean much. This isn't a defense of the decision—I'm convinced of it, I don't need to defend it—but I think showing my process is important to anyone who's considering making a homebrew race.

Strength, Dexterity, and Constitution are the most important abilities for the archetypal giff described in this article. Strength and Constitution in particular directly impact the giff's racial traits. Strength improves the damage from your Headfirst Charge, and Constitution improves your Armor Class granted by Natural Armor. Those are huge signposts that +# Strength and +# Constitution are the way to go. I chose not to for a couple of reasons.

The main reason is actually mechanical. Giff may have an ability that lets them headbutt you, but their main mode of attack is with firearms. Ranged weaponry. If you're playing a giff, you want to be a beast with a blunderbuss. The Giff Weapon Training trait makes this viable by letting you ignore the Loading quality of firearms, thus allowing giff fighters, rangers, and so on to use their Extra Attack feature with a firearm. Any character who intends to be focused on ranged combat wants to start play with a Dexterity score of 16. If you're playing using point buy or using the array, that's not possible without at least a +1 racial bonus to Dexterity.

The other reasons are miscellaneous story reasons that I felt justified giving such big, bulky creatures a +1 bonus to Dexterity. Giff are trained from birth in the art of war. It stands to reason that their standardized military training would give them keen aim and "twitchy" shooter reflexes, even if their general manual dexterity was slightly lacking. Researching hippopotamuses themselves shocked me. Hippos are fast. They can outrun humans at an average pace of about 20 MPH. I don't usually take land speed into account when thinking about Dexterity (we have Speed to account for that), but real-life hippos aren't slow dullards.

All that said, if you think STR and CON is the right way to go, go for it, I think they're all pretty valid options. Same for DEX & CON, CON & STR, any permutation of that. Even +1 to Strength, Dexterity, and Constitution is a fine choice in my mind. The D&D police won't come to your door if you want to build your giff differently from my interpretation.

When I heard that you'd be playing a giff sergeant and corporal, my mind instantly flashed to countless British WWII movies or Blackadder Goes Forth and thought we might get a plucky Cockney giff or a feisty Scots giff representing the enlisted men. Then the monocles came out. Delighted to see that even the lower order demonstrate good breeding, wot?

Bit dismayed by Derm's use of a big big "M-F," though. Letting the side down a bit, old man. Tut tut and all that.

No big arguments here - it was a gut reaction to the idea of hippos being dexy :-). Your thought process that a soldier trained from birth to fire ranged weapons would have a higher dex definitely makes sense. And yeah, Hippos are some of the most dangerous wildlife in Africa - they are fast, mean, and territorial. Stories abound of them chasing people who posed no threat, etc.

Hey folks! I've updated the giff race to tweak a minor error (it had Loxodon in its Languages, oops). Doing so has required me to upload a new version, and I've updated the link in the article to that new version. Please make sure you're use the latest one! Here's the current link, just in case: https://www.dndbeyond.com/characters/races/96485-giff

The main reason is actually mechanical. Giff may have an ability that lets them headbutt you, but their main mode of attack is with firearms. Ranged weaponry. If you're playing a giff, you want to be a beast with a blunderbuss.

My limited knowledge about blunderbusses (blunderbussi?) is that it's not a precise weapon, instead it has a spread, and their dangerousness comes from the fact that if you're somewhat in front of them, you will be hit. It might not be a precisely aimed shot at one of your vital points - instead, you will get shot by several short pellets all over your body, some of which must hit you where it really hurts. Also blunderbuss lacks the precisity on long range anyway, so why bother?

Considering that, I would imagine the Giff more trained on withstanding the heavy kickback of a weapon filled with all kinds of nasty debris, thus focusing on Con more than Dex, and more gunpowder than anyone else, because they can.

(I might even go to the point where blunderbuss attacks require a dex save from the target instead of the usual ranged attack, but then I should start to incorporate how different kind of armour affect that and it becomes simply too complex for the streamlined 5e concept.)