To Test-Drive or Not to Test-Drive

When asked about pre-marital relations on Mamapedia, most moms disagreed with the idea encapsulated in “why buy the cow when you can have free milk” which implies that pre-marital relations discourage couples from being formally married (source). One mom explained that she would never marry without living with her intended just as she would never purchase a car without test-driving it. This idea compares marriage to a commodity bought and sold in the marketplace.

I think marriage is better described as an institution than a commodity. Marriage holds generations of family members together. I have never divorced. My parents have never divorced. My father’s parents never divorced. For those of us living our family is a strong, unbroken circle of love. That does not mean there never is any drama. However, we are able to overlook each others weaknesses.

CS Lewis said, “The homemaker has the ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose only – and that is to support the ultimate career.” If I may be so bold as to parody the quote by saying, “All other careers exist to support the reproduction of the human family occurring in the womb of mothers.”

Some women reproduce with every Joe, Jack and Johnny without knowing which of them will help her nurture her children in the “admonition of the Lord.” (Bible, Ephesians 6:4) Women sometimes wonder if their Johnny will ever marry them. With everyone in the family claiming a different dad, who will accept the dad that offers to lead the family. These dilemmas arise when the reproduction of the human family occurs outside the bonds of matrimony.

Stormy Seas

Marriage is the institution of society that protects women and children. In it’s perfect form it provides love, stability and safety to the family. Many women who do not have a perfect marriage are still safe. Those who use marriage to exploit women and children are held responsible by society. Those who choose to have a family outside the protection of marriage sail in rough water and may find themselves alone in time of trouble.

I married while in college. Both my husband and I held our virtue intact at the time of our marriage and offered it as a “priceless” gift to each other. (Bible, Proverbs 31:10) We have never known anyone else and we are content. That doesn’t mean marriage has always been easy but we have promised each other to keep trying to work out the problems. All of my children love and honor their dad and he has taken care of them financially, spiritually, and emotionally. There is love, stability and safety for all my children. I have been rewarded for my choice in marrying him in that I have never had to work during pregnancy. I have been protected from injury and excessive labor while my babies were small. Through illness and depression my husband has stayed by my side. We are a team, working together to raise our children. The strong unbroken circle of love in our family has resulted in very happy children. The results I have seen lead me to infer that my choice to marry before test-driving all types of men proved to be wise. I believe I have experienced more joy and less pain in going this route.

For those who have gone a different route and now are experiencing unbearable hardships, heartache and loss, my heart goes out to you. I wish I could ease your burdens a little. Hope lies in making wise choices at the outset and then staying the course because it leads to happiness no matter the current weather conditions. If you have the option, return to safety offered in the institution of marriage.