Cracked Round-Up: A New Type of Presidential Debate

Since all of our staffers are either American citizens, or violent foreigners impersonating dead American citizens, we follow the national elections quite closely. And one thing we find consistently disappointing are the presidential debates. Oh sure, every now and then you get a barely literate Bush in there to spice things up. But for the most part they're just educated, erudite men arguing in the most boring way possible.

Our solution? Replace the formalized, structured "debates" with an open bar and two chairs. Both candidates must drink one full beer or one shot of liquor before answering each question. It might not increase the level of dialogue in our political system, but it'd be goddamn fantastic television.

Notable Comment: "Actually, the people who bombed the towers were actually doing it to save much, MUCH, more people. There was a nuclear bomb in one of them that was set to go off some time on 9/11, and by destroying it, it couldn't have exploded and killed millions more people. I know this because I work for the illuminati."

Bullshit, fadi002. You know damn well the Illuminati consists solely of forty-foot-tall walrusmen who lack the appendages to handle a keyboard.