Environment Agency Announces Hosepipe Ban for Flood Hit Areas

The Environment Agency today confirmed that a hosepipe ban is to be enforced across the South West of England and Wales, following record breaking rainfall figures in recent weeks. 'There should be plenty of water to last for 2014, provided people are sensible in their use of this scarce resource' stated Colin West, Chief Operating Officer, earlier today. 'People in those parts of the country fortunate enough to have received a surplus of water should take whatever measures they can to store it to be reused in the dryer summer months ahead. Communities should not be expecting to effectively be given water twice, as it were, whilst areas particularly in the South East remain dry now, and are likely to need greater access to water to wash their cars and water their gardens later in the year'.

The Government was quick to endorse this announcement. Quentin Blapp, Junior Minister for the Environment confirmed that 'The Country remains in a time of great a austerity, and as such any natural resource must be fully utilized. The Government will be making a supply of sandbags available to enable families to prevent the leakage of flood water out of their homes, so that they can continue to enjoy the benefits of free water throughout the year.' Mr Blapp went on to confirm that he was in discussions with the treasury as to whether a 'free water tax' should be imposed on such families.

Political reaction was mixed towards this announcement, with the Green Party declining to comment and UKIP still reeling from the revelation in today's Daily Express that the current storms may actually be depositing foreign water on the country.