G’day all and a slightly early merry Xmas, I’ll not be near a computer tomorrow. Thoughts especially to those away from their families on tour or having to work for the day keeping others safe. If you bought drones for the kids, shame on you

What happens to elves when they behave naughty? Santa gives them the sack.What kind of music do elves listen to? Wrap.What is a snowmans favorite breakfast? Ice Crispies.Why didn't the skeleton go to the Christmas party? He had no-body to go with.Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A Mince Spy!What says 'Oh Oh Oh'? Santa walking backwards!What do you call a greedy elf? Elfish.What do zombies eat with their Christmas dinner? Grave-y.Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? Santa Jaws!What did one snowman say to the other snowman? Can you smell carrot?Whats the best Christmas Present? A broken drum - you can't beat it.Which of Santa's reindeer has bad manners? Rude-alph!Why did Santa put a clock in his sleigh? He wanted to see time fly!What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claustrophobia!Why does Santa have three gardens? So he can ho, ho, ho.What do you get if you combine Santa and a duck? A Christmas Quacker!What do snowmen eat for lunch? Iceburgers!Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing? They always drop their needles!What happened to the thief who stole a Christmas Advent Calendar? He got 25 days!What is a skunks favorite Christmas song? Jingle smells!

What is Santa's dogs name? Santa Paws!What falls at the North Pole but never gets hurt? Snow.What never eats at Christmas dinner? The turkey – it’s stuffed.Where does Santa stay when he is on holiday? At a Ho-ho-ho-tel.What do you call Frosty the Snowman in May? A puddle!Did you know that Rudolph the Reindeer never went to school? He was elf taught.What did Adam say the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve!What do snowmen usually wear on their heads? Ice caps!Where do you find chilli beans? At the north pole!What is a librarians favorite Christmas song? Silent NightWhat do you call a frozen elf hanging from the ceiling? An elfcicle!What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride? Holly Davidson.Why does Santa go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it 'soots' him!How do you know Santa is good at karate? He has a black belt!What do you call an old snowman? Water.What do Santa's little helpers learn at school? The elf-abet.How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing - it was on the house!What does Santa say at the start of a race? Ready, set, Ho! Ho! Ho!

Don't think of yourself as and ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.