Monday, September 20, 2010

Being A "Nice Guy" Is Mean To Women

Being a nice guy is mean to women.
This all has to do with where this
"nice" is coming from in the first place.

It comes from this fact:
Most guys are nice to beautiful women because
subconsciously guys think that being "nice" might
make up for what guys THINK is their own massive
LACK of value.

Most men can't believe that they can attract
a gorgeous woman, never mind a woman who
is gorgeous and also a good person as well.

The reason guys don't believe it is because
they are so obsessed with a woman's looks,
which ironically BLOCKS them from actually
getting a woman with those looks. This is
because the obsession with her looks
causes the following problems that
destroy attraction:

1. It makes him NEEDY, because he feels
she is "above" him as he falls for the "halo-effect"
(The halo effect is when people somehow feel
that people who are attractive or powerful
or "distinguished" must somehow also be
"better" people just because they SEEM
that way from their accomplishments or
their looks.)

No woman wants to be with someone who
is of LESSER value, and yet the halo effect
makes men believe they are of lesser value
than the woman! It comes across in a guy's
tonality, his expressions, his behaviors with her.

So in effect, he is telling a woman that she
should be with a LOW VALUE guy, and
that's kind of MEAN when you think about
it. Imagine someone told you that you should
get something that is really NOT worth it,
but always smiled around you as a form of
compensation- you might even HATE the
smiling, as you looked at it as a form of
trickery!

2. The neediness also DRAINS his sense of fun
and his sense of sexuality, so that his approach
and conversation with her ends up coming
across as very ANTI-SEPTIC, very boring,
and in fact the whole vibe is a DOWNER.

3. Of course, this results in a lot of "rejection"
which then makes a guy feel CONVINCED
that in fact he IS somehow "cursed" with
women, and that he doesn't have a chance,
which further erodes his charisma, confidence,
sexuality, his sense of fun and vitality.

4. On a subconscious level, 99% of women
are attracted to a subtle DOMINANCE
from men. This has nothing to do with
mistreating women, in fact, in order to
truly be dominant with a woman, a man
must also earn TRUST from a woman
so that she can feel safe by totally
submitting to him sexually.

However, you can see how IMPOSSIBLE
it would be to give off the vibes of dominance
when feeling inferior and feeling submissive
to a woman.

So you see, attracting women has nothing to
do with being a JERK, it has to do with destroying
NEEDINESS, it has to do with letting your natural
male dominance exude through your pores and
every subtlety of your behavior, it has to do with
unleashing the REPRESSED yet COOL part
of your IDENTITY!

Yet, because most guys are way too submissive
with women, guys start to think the answer is
to become a JERK, because in their view,
being "submissive" was nice, and not being
submissive is being a jerk---all this only
feels this way when you are under the
influence of INSECURITY.

Insecurity is the great destroyer of your results
with women.

Recently, I received an email from a reader
of my Dating Wizard eBook that shows just
how important these skills are in the greater
perspective of things. This email was not even
meant for the newsletter. However, I believed that
it was so important for other guys to read this,
that I requested permission to reprint it here,
and he agreed that indeed this would be
important for guys to see and encouraged
me to print it:

***LETTER FROM A READER OF THE BOOK***

Michael, I just had to write to you and share
with you my thoughts on your “Dating Wizard”
book.

Potential buyers need to know; “This stuff works”.
Ok, let me start with a little Bio. I will be 34 in
October. God has blessed me with decent looks
and the ability to put my body into good shape.
In my early years I have portrayed myself as
“The Man” without even knowing it.

Here is the kicker though: The women I did this
with were mostly more like “Mopeds” (you know,
mopeds are fun to ride but don’t let your friends
see you on them) and EVERY time I met a girl
who was HOT, I was like the pathetic man you talk
about in your book (NOT the man). I always wanted
to be the nice guy, much like you explain “why don’t
nice guys finish first”.

I remember losing a chick who was the HOTTEST
thing to a 19 year old when I was 23 and making
all sorts of money! I had a house, a corvette,
money and no matter what I did, she kept going
back to this “Thug” that treated her like sh**.

Hell, I could not even get her in bed, yet she would
go over to this guy’s house and f*** his brains out.

How do I know, cause he was my best friend’s
little brother, so him and I were friends while all
this was going on. I never, let me repeat, never,
understood what happened all these years until I
read your book!!!!! It has been an eye opening
experience for me.

Now I know to treat ALL women just like I treated
the FAT ones and OH MY GOD is it working!
EVERYTHING you talk about in your book is
happening EXACTLY the way you said it would,
down to the very instance!

Let me give you a bit more history; I am in the middle
of a divorce, all because I was trying to be the NICE
GUY, you know; what women say they want out loud.

Dude, even when I met her it was the same. When we
met, I went to her house, made her dinner, and just all
around KISSED HER ASS! It got me no place! Except
used to watch her dogs while she drove all the way
from Dallas to Oklahoma to f*** some guy.

Well I am only nice for so long, then I was like “F*** her”
and cut her off from my life, well within weeks she was
calling “what happened to you”, I blew her off, she kept
calling.

Finally, within a couple months to make a long story
short, we moved into a house as roommates only.
I ignored her even still, this drove her nuts.

She would come in to my bathroom while I
would take a bath and plop down and talk to me
while I bathe. I just did my thing and ignored her
still. Getting out of the tub, “hand me that towel”
in all my glory… I did not give a sh**, and acted
like it. Finally I got my nipples pierced, I was in the
tub, she came in as usual, when I got out, I laid on
the bed, facing the ceiling, she started to look
at my nipples and then touched them, I told her
word for word, “touch them again and you will
get fu**ed”.

Well you can imagine what happened from there…

Ok, the ass kissing did not startup again for a while,
but it started back up again as I thought this was how
to be a “Good husband”.

Let me tell you, was I wrong!

It got me right back into the same position! Needless to
say, I caught her in her third affair, and now in the
middle of seeking custody of my 4 year old. It is all
good though Michael, it has taught me a HUGE lesson.

Along with your book, it has opened my eyes more than
I can tell you man!!!!!!!!!!! I am now back to always
being the MAN.

I met a HOT chi*k the other day, we went out for the
first time last night and all I did was practice being
THE MAN. I have been laughing ever since. This
woman is already SPRUNG on me. And this is after
talking a good game, she is just as vulnerable as any
other FEMALE I have ever met, FAT, or HOT.

She is melting in my hands like butter, I even got an email
from her today saying “You are so sexy” and I have
not done a damn thing.

Now I learned a long time ago the power of teasing
women about or with sex, or you can call it foreplay.
I have very good control in that area and I think that
does make you SEXY as hell to women.

I was so COOL last night, I gave her a hug and walked
away. She ran over to me and tried to kiss me, then I
just moved my head to the side and kissed her on the
cheek and then kissed her hand like Don Juan would do.
She is on me like WHITE ON RICE and I am laughing
all the way to the bank…… I can’t seem to get this
grin off my face

Any way I just wanted to say thank you for opening my
eyes and other men really really really need to understand
this stuff and apply it to their life and they WILL NEVER
feel like the wussy man again. Thanks Michael!

John T.

Dallas, TX

****My Comments****

Thanks for the props on the book. And my respect
to you for truly having the powerful attitude that
converts past pain into PRESENT AND FUTURE
POWER and PLEASURE. I agree with you that
by learning some lessons the hard way, it truly
becomes a lesson never forgotten.

What's making women attracted to you here is
the fact that you are in reality giving women what
actually TURNS THEM ON. It does not turn
a woman on to ASK her what turns her on,
it turns her on to KNOW what turns her on
and then GIVE THAT BEHAVIOR to her.

What makes your letter especially useful for readers
is the SPECIFIC DETAILS of things you did that
show the ATTRACTION MECHANICS in ACTION,
(Including the part of you not handing over to her
the "goods" so fast, making her CRAVE you even
more - which is actually what any guy who feels
they have HIGH WORTH would do, because
you don't give over great value to someone before
they EARN it.)

What is also valuable is the way you describe the
mistakes you made, because it lets other guys who
I’m sure have made the exact same mistakes
(we've all done the same mistakes) know that
they are NOT alone.

The level of detail you included rings very true.

You mention that you have been blessed with
decent looks and that you are in good shape.
IMPORTANT, this.

Too many guys think that learning these skills
is a sign of “weakness” or a sign in some other
way of not being a cool guy. In truth, it’s actually
the sign of SECURITY and strength and intelligence.

It means you are secure enough in yourself to realize
that knowing all this stuff about women has
NOTHING to do with who you are, nothing to do
with your “worth” as a person.

Being successful with girls simply has to do
with whether or not a guy was lucky enough
to have LEARNED how to do this stuff from
someone.

In our current brainwashed culture, the ONLY
way to know these skills is if someone shows
someone, either formally or informally if the
guy happened to have had friends who had these
skills. (And those friends had someone who showed
them, you can be sure.)

If you yourself are a logical guy, you would
THINK that having all these things like money,
looks, success, would be the MAIN thing
for being successful with women.
But although those things often DO work,
they WON'T work if a guy doesn't have
the "inner game" down. And if a guy
DOES have rock-solid inner game,
then even if he DOESN'T have ANY
of those other things like looks, success,
fame, money, etc, he can STILL have
MASSIVE success with women.

In fact, if you have STRONG LOGIC
in all OTHER AREAS of life, then chances
are that same logic becomes a WEAK point
when dealing with women, unless you’ve
learned the skills of attraction.

This is because attraction is an emotion,
and in order to create this emotion, you
have to learn to STOP thinking in STANDARD
LOGICAL ways, and get used to a whole
NEW type of logic that is VERY DIFFERENT
than what you would EXPECT.

Emotions are not always rational, (although on
a deeper level, most emotions DO have logical
roots based on survival) so what triggers emotions
is not the standard rational thinking.

Rational thinking is good for programming a robot,
not for igniting attraction in a woman.

REGULAR LOGIC WILL DESTROY
ANY HOPES IN HELL OF CREATING
ATTRACTION WITH A WOMAN.

You can have a BILLION reasons why a woman
should be with you, but if you haven't triggered
ATTRACTION, it's all pointless.
However, the logical guys ultimately get the
sweetest rewards, as logic leads them eventually
to the conclusion that they need to adopt a
strategy that WORKS. And what better
way to find what works than by learning
from someone who is proving it for clients
in real life in front of their faces.

You mention you had a house, a corvette, and money,
all at only 23. And who did this woman keep going
back to? This “Thug” that treated her like sh**.

I hope every guy is reading this twice.

Now, I personally don’t go so far as to ABUSE
any woman ever, (not even the ones who are
very abusive, I would suggest just LEAVING any
abusive woman and save your energy for positive
things) but the principle of maintaining the superior
edge and never kissing up is ETERNAL.

For all we know, this “thug” guy in reality was
not a thug at all and had Spiderman Underoos and
wet his jammies every night but gave HER her the
emotional rollercoaster of ups and downs and kept
her excited and not knowing what was going to
happen next. It's possible he is just a great actor,
but most likely he wasn't acting when it came
to one thing- his self-concept regarding his
INTRINSIC VALUE to a woman.

The behaviors that FLOW from this sense of value
are a whole OCEAN of behaviors in a man that
end up making women CRAVE that man in a sexual sense.

You mentioned “EVERYTHING you talk about in
your book is happening EXACTLY the way you
said it would, down to the very instance!”

The reason for this is that the sequencing of
behaviours that flow from attraction as well
as from LOSS of attraction are VERY predictable,
and it took me YEARS to see EXACTLY the
pattern. I appreciate you confirming this, and
I’m willing to bet thousands of guys were nodding
their head as they read your email, as if to say
“damn, that’s EXACTLY what happened to me”.

It’s as if all women follow the exact same script,
and the exact same sequence of behaviours.

The next point in your letter that really got me:
“middle of a divorce, all because I was trying to
be the NICE GUY, you know; what women say
they want out loud.”

Exactly, out loud that is what they say.
But actions speak louder than words.

Props to you for pointing this out to everyone from
a real life hard core example.

Man, it hurt to read the part “It got me no place!
Except used to watch her dogs while she drove
all the way from Dallas to Oklahoma to f***
some guy.”

But you know what? I wonder how many
guys are so COMPLETELY FOOLED BY
WOMEN that they don’t even have a CLUE
what is going on and probably NEVER WILL.

So at least you knew what was going on.
You weren't clueless.

A lot of guys that think everything is actually going FINE.
THAT IS REALLLY SCARY.

Now, I’m not trying to get guys to panic.
And HONESTLY, not all women are horrible,
in fact, this is why I wrote my other book,
Get A Great Girl, which is all about those
fantastic women and what to do to get
a great woman like that, and to keep her.

The 'Get A Great Girl' book builds on the
foundation set in The Dating Wizard book.

It’s crucial to know the full picture, and understand
the psychological HARDWIRING of attraction,
because with a great woman, you still must trigger
that carnal level of lust in her for you, while ALSO
having the deep level of trust and intimacy that
cements your connection with her on a
level which no other guy can ever compete.

It’s also well worth it to have the skills so you can
detect IMMEDIATELY if a woman is playing you,
and that way you can dump her pronto. (And not
take her back, EVER.)

Also, the same skills will enable you to better
tell if a woman is TRULY a good woman,
who if you are THE MAN, will respect you
without INCESSANT testing all the time.

Now, although I’m not sure why you were still
together with her at all after this point, still
there was a very enlightening point that came
up with her later in your email:

“Well I am only nice for so long, then I was like
“F*** her” and cut her off from my life, well within
weeks she was calling “what happened to you”, I
blew her off, she kept calling.”

THIS KIND OF THING HAPPENS ALL THE TIME.
The results are IMMEDIATE.

You use the words "blew her off", but in reality, you
were not being mean at all, because this is a woman
who NEEDED that in order to correct the PREVIOUS
picture of yourself that you had drawn for her.

In fact, this kind of thing used to get me even
ANGRIER because it "proved" that indeed these
women DID KNOW how to behave, they just
didn’t WANT to, they weren’t attracted to the
good guy. Now I realize that there's nothing
"good" about conveying LOW VALUE
about yourself, and none of us would do it
if we felt HIGH VALUE and if we didn't
fall for things like the halo effect.

Ignoring her while you bathed?
LOL.
Classic.

Then, you did something very SPECIFIC when she
she started touching you. You LAID DOWN
THE LAW with a woman who doesn’t understand
any other way.

You didn’t give big speeches, you didn’t act all happy
she was touching you, you didn’t VALIDATE HER
just because she was INTERESTED or even
TOUCHING you. You didn’t MELT DOWN.

You TOOK CONTROL OF THE SITUATION LIKE
A MAN, when you told her, “touch them again and you
will get fu**ed”.

Now, normally, this kind of statement with a NEW
woman would make her feel uncomfortable or make
her feel like a slut, but in this case, she was anything
but a stranger, so this had nothing to do with her being
easy, she knew that responding to you positively after
your statement would NOT brand her a slut, it would
simply be her ACKNOWLEDGING that you are
THE MAN who is usually calm but takes no bullshit.

And she KNEW internally that she needed to
be put in her place, and it TURNED HER ON
that you did exactly that instead of act all
happy about her touching you.

BRAVO.

But then, alas, as you already mentioned, you
eventually melted:

“Ok, the ass kissing did not startup again for a while,
but it started back up again as I thought this was how
to be a “Good husband”.

Let me tell you was I wrong!”

Yeah, I can feel you there.
The inner desire to sometimes go back to the ideas
implanted by some cartoons, movies, songs, shows,
in our childhood and even adulthood is strong.

I’ve never been married but I have been in several
long term relationships and all my ideas about
romance have been tempered by two concepts:

1:DO WHAT WORKS.
2:Never do anything out of a need for validation.

Women have made the message loud and clear:
“NICE” GUYS (LOW VALUE) WILL NOT BE REWARDED.

In fact, they will be punished.
And as crazy mean as that sounds, it actually
makes SENSE from an evolutionary survival
point of view, (a low value guy might have low
value children) and ALSO it’s very LIBERATING,
as it means you GET TO ENJOY BEING
THE MAN YOU WERE BORN TO BE
INSTEAD OF SUPPRESSING THAT
INSTINCT THAT IS STILL BURNING
DEEP INSIDE OF YOU!

And remember, you CAN still be very good
to a woman, you can treat her GREAT,
but this MUST come from a place of
MASSIVE CONFIDENCE, and never
from neediness or weakness or insecurity.

The difference is MASSIVE, as when you
are coming from an internal place of strength
and empowerment mixed with warmth, there
are INFINITE subtle nuances that are different
in your tonality, your expression, and your behaviors
compared to when the behaviors are the result
of INSECURITY.

A few litmus tests of whether it's coming from weakness
or strength is asking yourself these four questions:

1 ."What has this woman done for YOU?"
(In other words, has she EARNED your approval?)

2. "Would you do this nice thing for her if she
DIDN'T look that hot?"

3. "How much of your self-confidence depends
on what SHE says to you, i.e. on her validation
of you?"

4. When you talk to her, does your voice
pitch RISE? If it does a lot, then you are
probably feeling SHE has higher value
than you.

As you become “The Man”, you start
to realize that a lot of that nice guy stuff that
we wanted to do in the past was simply the result
of us being brainwashed to need validation.

Once you realize you don’t need to get it,
you realize you don’t need to give it, it’s
something that just happens naturally when
you really like someone for who they are,
and not just for the validation they can give
you.

That doesn’t mean you can’t be a GOOD guy,
and show a woman affection and have good
times with her. A woman DOES want a good
guy, she wants a good guy who is coming from
an internal place of LIKING her, NOT from an
internal place of NEEDING her.

Success is about being a good guy and ALSO
realizing that all bets are OFF when it comes to
doing things for a woman “just because” she is
a woman.

Those days are OVER.

It also means that you have to OVER-RIDE
her verbal or non-verbal requests for you to
be a wuss.

You must override those requests and be a
man anyway, regardless of her protests.

I believe that great relationships and marriages
are very possible, it’s just crucial that guys
make sure that they are THE MAN at all
times. If a guy can’t handle that, then better
NOT to get into a relationship or get married
or even do pick up. Basically, be THE MAN
or find a sealed off island away from women
and away from everyone actually.

Good to see you have the game in your hands now,
and enjoying life. (I do want to make one point
though regarding the “mopeds” analogy, which
was pretty funny, and I know you were mostly
joking, but seriously though, for anyone out there
who may really be in a situation like that, if YOU
are attracted to a woman, and you like her, then who
cares what anyone ELSE thinks? You are your own
man, so if you are attracted to a woman and she’s
good to you, that’s all that matters. This all gets
back to not needing external validation.

If I like a woman, I don't care what ANYONE thinks
of her, especially not the brainwashed masses!)

And yes, it is interesting how some women “talk a
good game”, yet they are NO DIFFERENT than
any other women. In fact, a woman who is “talking
a good game” is usually just giving another sh*t test
before she allows herself to go wild for you. (This is
a critical topic that as you know is explained in
the book.)

Awesome stuff with giving the new woman a hug
and walking away, and then when she ran over to
you, and tried to kiss you, you moving your head
to the side and kissing her on the cheek and hand
like Don Juan. A lot of guys probably don’t get
what you did here, and might misinterpret this as
weak.

However, I know what you did here was
done with total DON JUAN CONGRUENCE of
smooth control. It was ALREADY made
TOTALLY CLEAR by her that she was INTO you,
so obviously there was no emotional risk on your
part if you kissed her full on. So, by NOT GOING
FOR THE EASY CHOICE, you did not come across
as weak, you came across as EVEN STRONGER.

Props, man!

Personally, I think I would have taken it further
at that moment unless I was experimenting, and I
think you could have done the same without harming
your future chances with this woman, but I see the
angle you went for here, and it’s cool as well.

And now, let me close this newsletter with your
words:

“Other men really really really need to understand
this stuff and apply it to their life and they
WILL NEVER feel like the wussy man again.”

I couldn’t have said it better myself.
And if you would like to make the JUMP to a whole
new level of success with women, then it’s time to
take action NOW. Don’t wait for your friends or
peers to help you on this, because the chances are
they don’t know how, and they would probably be
jealous of you if you did get success in this area,
so they won’t encourage you in this either.

It’s ALL UP TO YOU to take ACTION.
No one else gives a damn.

I suggest you get yourself a copy of my
Actions For Attraction CD Set,
which will arm you with the most
IMMEDIATELY-applicable strategies
for approaching and attracting women
ANYWHERE you see them.

Ultimately, almost every man wants to get and keep a
fantastic woman for a great relationship, and the best
way to go about that is to download my book,
‘Get A Great Girl’. This book will show you
TONS of crucial insights for getting the woman
of your dreams, and it's at:

About Me

You ever see a great film, or hear a fantastic song, or just feel that incredible natural high on life? That's what it's all about to me, and structuring your mind, body, spirit, and life so that you can squeeze out as many of those moments from life as you can!!!!! Getting a fantastic woman in your life is a product of making your own self that way as well. It's the truth about attraction- you don't attract what you want, you attract that which you truly are on the deepest level.