Top 3 Cat Lady Dream Jobs

Have the Monday blues got you feeling downtrodden? Perhaps you’ve wondered what it would be like to work with cats full-time as you stare into the greymatter of your cubicle wall, trying with every ounce of your being to hold your eyelids enough above your pupils so that you don’t give the impression of being actually comatose. Fret not, my feline-loving friends. There may be some opportunities for you yet. Here are just a few cat lady dream jobs to consider.

Join The Cat Circus

Yeah, really! The Amazing Acro-Cats is a traveling circus troupe featuring a dozen kitty starlets! And your girl (that’s me) was lucky enough to volunteer for them! Lead by Ringmaster Samantha Martin, The Acro-Cats travel all across the country performing live feats for treats: jumping through hoops, climbing the monkey bars, and even pushing little cat-sized shopping carts (I know, I died immediately. Like, where are they going with those little shopping carts?) Every kitty performer is a rescue cat, and wherever they go, they spread awareness for rescue animals. “Wonderous,” I say to myself, wiping away a single tear.

Introducing CatGenie

“But Dio,” you say to me, “what does a Kitty Circus Assistant do?” Well, my curious cat-loving comrade, you’re in charge of making sure the stars are happy; cleaning their poop boxes, feeding them, loading in, setting up, and loading out. Oh, and if one of the cat stars decides she’s done with performing in the middle of a set and hops off the stage, you get to be the one to lure her out from under the seats. Because yeah, that happens. Think of it as being a roadie, butfor cats.

My favorite part, of course, was getting to know the performers one-on-one. From Buggles, to Jax, to the since-retired Tuna, every cat has their own personality, and their own riders (just kidding… kind of.) If you’re a cat lady or gentleman with the chops for show biz, then there may be a place for you in the kitty circus!

Become A Kitty Stylist

If you find that a certain zen comes along with brushing your kitty’s lustrous coat, why not get paid to do it? Cat groomers get to interact with cats all day every day, pampering and beautifying them, even if their four-legged clients may sometimes fail to see the benefit in getting their mani-pedis. If you’ve got the aptitude and patience for keeping your furbaby primped and preened, grooming might be just the niche for you.

The first thing you might want to do if you’re looking into a career in kitty care-taking is look up certification programs. Much like bartending, certification is not entirely necessary, but it does provide an opportunity to know what you’re getting yourself into, and whether or not the line of work is right for you.

Next step: find a gig as a groomer’s assistant. Working as an assistant will help iron out your learning curve, and will help you get a genuine feel for the job. Afterall, at that point you may feel like getting peed on while you trim the butt hairs from off a persnickety Persian might not be the way you want to spend 8 hours every day – but then again, maybe the collateral is worth it to ya!

Lifesaving Assistant

If you’ve ever done some serious (and I mean serious) fostering or volunteering at a shelter, you may consider interviewing to become a Lifesaving Assistant. Bear in mind though, you’ll be doing a heck ton of a lot more than just fostering. For some real insight, I asked Sarah Trainor, Professional Saver of Lives, Full-Time Foster Maven, and Whimsical Do-All Unicorn Being of Kitsap Humane Society a little bit about what her job entails.

“Because I am always dipping my toe in the pool of so many different areas of the shelter, every day is different from the next. One day I might be taking cat pics (like OMG are you serious I get paid to take cat pics, does it get any better than that?) or writing bios for our adoptable pets, and the next day I might be vaccinating our new arrivals and performing intake exams.” But not every aspect of the job is a snugglefest. Much of the time you’ll be required to participate in some very literally “sticky” situations. “You need to be prepared for a lot of poop, a lot of blood, a lot of frustrating interactions with owners or potential adopters, and sometimes you have to be prepared for being around death.”

If you remain undaunted in your desire to saddle-up for a job like this, start by volunteering. “In order to get this job, I had to invest a lot of time in working with animal shelters for free,” Sarah says. Accumulating hands-on experience is vital, but rewarding. “At the end of the day, no matter what I end up doing, I know I am helping homeless animals feel loved, improving their life, and hopefully finding their forever.”

So, does any of this sound remotely preferable to having to listening to Dave From Accounting relay all the mundane events of his entire Thanksgiving break at the water cooler? We know he means well, but honestly, wiping the butt of a disabled cat miiiight just be slightly more rewarding than any interaction with Dave From Accounting. Sorry Dave, it’s not your fault, it’s just that you’re kind boring and also not a cat. In any case, while these cat lady jobs may sound unique and, dare I say, even slightly exotic, they do require patience, dedication, and a very serious love for cats!

Tags

Diomira Keane studied Illustration at Moore College of Art and Design for a year and a half before realizing she was broke as a joke and forfeited continuing her education (sigh) for a life in the coal mines. She now works as a freelance artist and writer, and provides entertainment for children's parties portraying beloved fairy tale princesses for dinner scraps. In her free time she likes to gallivant around her living quarters in her pajamas, often trying to hide one of her cats under her shirt to pretend like she's pregnant with a cat baby. She currently lives in Philadelphia and in fact has two cats, Lula and Marzipan, but is hoping to acquire about 300 more.