Woah, I recognize this kid. I wrestled against him in high school. He had this one move called the Chechnyan Pretzel. Basically, he'd come storming out, grab you by the legs and arms and twist you into a farking pretzel. He looks small but must have had some extra chromosomes are some shiat, because he could open canned goods with his farking teeth. Anyway, nobody could even come close to beating the son of a biatch. And I had to wrestle him in the first round of our State tourney!

When the whistle blew, I came charging out and he came charging out. Just like lightning, he grabbed and twisted me around. I was upside down and turned around before I knew what hit me. Then I saw it - dangling out of a singlet, a pair of hairy testicles! Cheating be damned, I craned my neck and sunk my teeth into the farkers. I pinned him half a second later.

Coach asked me how I won and I told him about the ball bite. He asked, "You bit his nuts?" And I had to admit, "No, they were mine!"

Coco LaFemme:I'm not reading through over 1000 posts......someone give me a recap on what's happened.

Well, let's see. First the earth cooled. And then the dinosaurs came, but they got too big and fat, so they all died and they turned into oil. And then the Arabs came and they bought Mercedes Benzes. And Prince Charles started wearing all of Lady Di's clothes. I couldn't believe it.

Well, let's see. First the earth cooled. And then the dinosaurs came, but they got too big and fat, so they all died and they turned into oil. And then the Arabs came and they bought Mercedes Benzes. And Prince Charles started wearing all of Lady Di's clothes. I couldn't believe it.

The reporter just said, "We may have this guy pinned at this time." We? What the fark do you have to do with it? Go pick up a gun and kick a farking a door down if you want to say we. That's what I'd do.

I work for the MIT Police, so I'm getting a kick, yadda yadda and... Thanks for that. For those who are curious, the man killed was a very nice guy, and more than that, he was a Geek, and a damned good one. "We lost one of our own" takes on a double meaning for me now.

This is what we're wearing.

[web.mit.edu image 850x919]

But I've already changed my profile pictures to the B Strong one and I only have one profile picture to give to my country!

CNN now says they are brothers; one was born in Russia and the other in Kyrgyztan. Also the younger one ran over the older one with the getaway car. But, it's CNN so they might as well be from Mars and the younger one is on a getaway Pony.

Twitter and other Internet sources were running with the story of the MIT shooting/carjacking nearly a full hour before any of the cable news stations picked up on it. In fact, shiat was going down in Watertown before CNN even broke with the story that anyone had been shot at MIT.

Can you blame them after the last few days? I wouldn't be surprised if they started playing it safe, at least for a while.

/"This just in... Apple dropped on English scientist's head leads to interesting theory."

If that were reported as news today, there would be people that wouldn't believe it and think that Newton is being paid by Big Physics to promote the pro-Copernican agenda.

jso2897:Jim from Saint Paul: jso2897: Farkers have been wrong about EVERYTHING so far, and I will take your word for what it is worth - jack shiat.

jso2897: Farkers have been wrong about EVERYTHING so far, and I will take your word for what it is worth - jack shiat.

jso2897: Farkers have been wrong about EVERYTHING so far, and I will take your word for what it is worth - jack shiat.

Sorry - but, in the last twenty-four hours, Farkers have infromed me that the bombers are:Two random guys in the New York Post.A missing Indian student.Teabaggers.Redneck gun nuts.Occupy Wall Streeters.Anarchists.Iranian or Saudi intel or other operatives.Mossad.Jihadists.Nihilists.Lunatics.Please forgive me for failing to buy into whatever the current "theory" is.

Well, we'll all go hand in our Press Association passes in the morning .. I mean Fark must maintain it's image as a reputable news source

bdub77:Theaetetus: JerseyTim: I think we found a motivation: Apparently, he went to Prom with Snooki.

[s3-ec.buzzfed.com image 625x838]What a butterface. All beige and blocky.

I have found the explosive devices:

[i.imgur.com image 625x838]

It looks like a courteousy prom date. Note the other guy has open hands hugging the date (and getting some boob), he has his hands closed. It was probably the photographer that made him put his arms there.

Grand_Moff_Joseph:common sense is an oxymoron: Grand_Moff_Joseph: lol, scanner reporting that the K9 dogs are over hours, and need to go on break

Holy Crap, scanner just said the spent round they just found was a .40cal

They think it's from last night.

yep, likely from last night, but I really hope it's not the perps that had 40 cal ammo.

.40 S&W isn't anything to be especially scared of. It's a common handgun round between 9mm and 45acp in size and speed. I would start to worry if they were talking about 5.45, 5.56x45, or 7.62x39, or other RIFLE cartridges.

Maybe - maybe not. Fark has been wrong about everything else so far - so I won't be taking anybody here's word for one single thing.

He says his world view is Islam. Whether it has to do with his bombing intetions or not it isnt a made up hypothesis.

I have no knowledge that he "says" anything - they haven't caught him, and may not catch him alive. I remind you - Farkers have been wrong about EVERYTHING so far, and I will take your word for what it is worth - jack shiat.

Apparent convenience store robberyMIT cop responds, these clowns shoot him multiple timesThey carjack somebody(gap in my knowledge)At some point they're in an SUV that may have been a stolen police vehicleThey shoot at the cops and throw and/or plant grenades and/or IEDs(No kidding, on the scanner there was something akin to "Shots fired! Shots fired! Grenade! Grenade! Grenade!", and there's a YouTube video out there with half a minute of sustained gunfire)Running firefight"Black Hat" shot multiple times, possibly run over, possibly injured by bomb strapped to chest"White Hat" escapes"Black Hat" taken to Beth Israel, diesCode Black (usually means bomb or bomb threat) at area hospital, but NOT Beth Israel"White Hat" spotted (twice?) but gets away, possibly in another firefightNow at large.

/Oh, and at some point an innocent who was very much in the wrong place at the wrong time spent 20m face-down on the ground with a robot probing him, then he was stripped and put in the back of a police vehicle before being cleared.

And we've got cops, FBI, Homeland Security, National Guard, HumVees, and at one point something described as a "tank."I know this sounds like I'm Michael-Bay-ing you, but really, seriously, I'm not.

3StratMan:Wait...I though there was no reason for people to own guns any more. I thought the police are here to take care of us and we have nothing to worry about. If the guy comes knocking on anyone's door, they should just tell him "just a minute", and wait till the police get there to take care of them.

First, they identify an evil little girl who kills kittens.Then, they bring rapists to justice in Ohio.Next, they accuse the wrong man of terrorism in a well meaning gaffe.Finally, they say fug it and just post Bea Arthur R34

3StratMan:duenor: bostonians, if you have a gun, get it now. Lock all doors and windows, make an armored corner of your safe room and hunker down with your family. Last i heard there was a possible 3rd suspect and he's going to be looking for shelter any way he can get it.

Wait...I though there was no reason for people to own guns any more. I thought the police are here to take care of us and we have nothing to worry about. If the guy comes knocking on anyone's door, they should just tell him "just a minute", and wait till the police get there to take care of them.

WhyteRaven74:bulldg4life: Fox News speculating that they were long term sleeper cell....

Fox News speculating stupid shiat? Where's ,my fainting couch?

IF they came here in 2003, they were like 9 years old. None of this makes any sense at all. Sure, they are Muslim, sure they are against Assad and Russia perhaps, but they seem "American". Possibly even wanting to fight for America in the Olympics. So bizarre. Alex Jones is jizzing his pants right now though thinking of all the brainwashing stories they can make up...

James72:Fissile: Wait, I'm confused. Aren't Chechens some of the "good Muslims" that Murica aided and abetted in attacking the Russians? Didn't the US of Murica repeatedly condemn the Russians for dropping cluster bombs on these "good Muslims"? It appears that these Chechens made their way here from Turkey. Isn't Turkey a "good Muslim" country that is a solid friend to Murica, and, even more importantly, a good friend to Israel? Wasn't Bin Laden armed by Murica when he was killing Russians? Sure is funny how the "good Muslims" that the US encourages to attack the Russians always seem to end up turning on Murica.

Chechnya is located in the North Caucasus mountains. The suspects are literally Caucasian.

I am going to have SUCH a time going through the airport in a couple of weeks.

BraveNewCheneyWorld:It was more than one or 2 people here claiming that they were domestic right wingers.

Oh come on, man. Half of Fark this last week was people saying "I bet they were teatards/sovereign citizens/jihadists/Columbine wannabes/schizo kids/OWS radicals." You don't need to argue or prove that lots of people were saying this stuff.

But what you don't seem to understand was that all of this was admitted speculation. None of these people were claiming to have inside information or 100% certainty, they were just trying to guess the outcome based on the MO.

It's strange to see someone get all huffy and offended when people speculate. I imagine you standing next to a roulette table, screaming "LOOK, IT WAS 17. ALL OF YOU IDIOTS WHO THOUGHT YOU KNEW WHAT NUMBER IT WOULD BE SHOULD GO FARK YOURSELVES AND BE ASHAMED OF YOUR LIES."