Search

Danny lost a top tooth on Saturday. I was really relieved, seeing it stick out of his mouth at a crazy angle was really grossing me out. He wrote the Tooth Fairy a little note and added as a ps, “What do you do with the teeth?”

This created a quandary for me. I also questioned the Tooth Fairy as a child, but it never occurred to me to ask what she did with the teeth. Based on my interrogations, I knew that her real name was Tooth Fairy, her phone number was 55TOOTH, and she lived in Dubuque, Iowa.

I also knew from my past experiences that I should at least make an attempt to disguise my handwriting. My father has many wonderful qualities, but good handwriting is not one of them. He switches back and forth between cursive and print within a sentence, even within a word. His handwriting is the most distinctive I’ve ever seen, and led to my early discovery that he was the Tooth Fairy. I still left my teeth under my pillow, but some of the magic was gone.

So I was going to at least make an effort for Danny. Once he was finally asleep, I carefully printed a response in all caps, thanking him for the tooth but sadly informing him that what the Tooth Fairy does with the teeth is a Tooth Fairy Secret. I was really proud of myself.

Early the next morning, he snuck into my room. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him grab a file folder I had written on, and then sneak back out. I thought nothing of it.

I got up, went into his room. “Did the Tooth Fairy come? What did she say? What does she do with the teeth?”

He just looked at me with pity. “Mama, I know it’s you. I compared your handwriting.”

What do I do with this kid? And who wants to volunteer to write his letter from Santa this year? I don’t think I can hold up to another handwriting analysis!