30 November 2010

This morning before work, in my usual multi-tasking way, I sat detangling my hair while I read some Facebook updates. One status update was by my friend Steve Tucker. I clicked on his link and it took me to The Age/Sydney Morning Herald column, All Men are Liars by Sam de Brito.

You may recall Steve Tucker made international news a few weeks ago for emailing 4000 staff in the government organisation he works for, in search of a girl he'd met that previous weekend. It was a slow news day. There was a media frenzy. Unfortunately Steve was thrust into a storm of assumptions, judgments and some ridicule by the media and public.

I commend Steve 100 percent. Though I work for a similar government organisation and am aware of the consequences of email misuse, it makes me smile that Steve went to this great length to tell a girl how he feels. Steve didn't deserve the negativity he received.

Like most of the public, I didn't know the full story. Steve sent me a brief text thanking me for my wishes last week. His words today blew me away.

Steve wrote Sam a letter, a public response if you like, explaining himself. It was published in Sam de Brito's column today.

When I read Sam de Brito's column, I had a smile on my face, and tears too. I was so uplifted by Steve's honesty, courage and pursuit. I identified with a number of things Steve wrote about. I exchanged a few emails with Steve today - I had to tell him reading his words made my day. (He's given me permission to write about him here too.)

I was always a very determined young kid. I had constant speech therapy, physio, legs in plaster, legs in splints, chiropractor appointments and massages up until the age of 16. I still do constant stretching and free weight work.

As you might suspect, I got singled out for being different and bullied. I couldn't physically defend myself, so I just took the crap I had pushed upon me. It was verbal stuff, not physical thankfully.

Things were OK until I was 12. I was coping. It's when puberty hit that the rot really started to kick in. Everybody wants acceptance from the opposite sex. When I was 14, there was a high school social I went to. It dawned on me that night that I was going to be up against it in the girl department.

My friends were getting interest and I felt like I never was going to. It was very isolating. I went home to my mum that night and cried for two hours in her arms. Sadly, I resigned myself to defeat there and then. It was too painful so I shut off...

...I woke up the Monday morning knowing I was going to go through with it. I was going to go through the entire mental process I had done for skydiving and jump again, only in a different context.

This was me saying: "Society you always have ripped my dignity away as soon as I attain it. I've had enough. If you're threatening to totally cut off my balls, I'm fighting you tooth and nail for what's left. I dare you. F---ing bring it on."

I simply took matters into my own hands. If I had a 0.00005 per cent chance of making contact with Olivia, I was going to take that instead of having a zero per cent chance.

This was about reinforcing the lesson from skydiving. I was not going to let the fear from others, and peer pressure, dictate the situation. I understand this is a negative motivation, Sam but I'd simply had enough. That email was a last resort. I did try a Facebook search.I stuck everything on the line, I was that fed up. My balls were on the guillotine and the blade was lowering ... This was my Michael Jordan moment. Game six in the '98 finals against Utah...

This revolves around me living my life as honestly as I can. People are too unsure of themselves today; especially men. I've had enough of peer pressure and the media stereotypes brainwashing males into submission. I'm as loathing of it as you are.

These messages had controlled me for long enough so I threw a punch at it. Society is cold and most people have to always wear a mask. This disgusts me.

People want acceptance but they aren't doing anything to get it. Instead, they walk around staring at the ground, unsure of themselves. I injected some warmth back into the place.I wasn't taking any risks before and it was making me unhappy internally. I sought to redress this balance. And I am happier. The fact I stirred both sides of public opinion meant I took a real punt.

What this all boils down to [is] me not distinguishing the difference between controlled risk (skydiving) and blind risk. That email was blind risk. It was an error of judgment. I accept this. I made a mistake. To my employer and especially the innocent people caught up in this mess through photos and rumours, I apologise from the bottom of my heart.I was simply standing my ground for the deeply traumatic process I have gone through. I took matters into my own hands, the "old" me would not have. My territory had been stepped on for the last time.

The uproar this caused astounded me. Certain pockets of society have been carrying on like I committed murder. I sent an email.

The fact I wrote that email so honestly was why it propelled to the level it did. That and I had a "captive audience" in Canberra to generate the buzz. It certainly unblocked the "emotional constipation" in this town. This emotional constipation is society-wide, not Canberra specific. This is not another invitation to bash the ACT. It gets rubbished enough.Despite any perceived embarrassment in the media, life really has been no different for me. Not one person has sniggered and laughed at me in a mean way. I have a high degree of anonymity due to my appearance having changed.

My name generates an instant reaction when mentioned. Girls look at me differently. I may not have got "Juliet" (if you believe the media spin) but this thing exploding viral has had massive positive spin-offs. I have inspired people.

My dad is going to have more of a dip at life. My aunty has said: "Maybe there is something to this counselling thing."

My story is not about "Romeo & Juliet", it is about every kid being bullied in the school yard. It is about teenage kids committing suicide because they feel worthless.

It is about people dealing with disability; those who cannot communicate their suffering and the families that care for these people tirelessly.

It is about telling peer pressure to go f--- itself. It's childish behaviour and it impacts our adult lives in ways we don't see.

It is about gender stereotypes (both of them) and social conditioning. It is about mental health and getting help if needed.

It is about telling people what they mean to us while life is good. Not when a personal crisis hits. Tomorrow isn't a guarantee for any of us.

It is about standing up to society and illustrating that it has lost its way. We live in a culture of fear. Society had dimmed my spirit for long enough.

I didn't expect to get in the news, Sam, but the fact is I have. This has been my journey. I have dealt with all of these elements. I have endured this and come out the other side.

I'm telling my side to stop the bullshit and telling disadvantaged people: "You can win. I am proof of this. But you must have a go to give yourself a fighting chance at a happy life."

There are no shortcuts. Happiness is not handed to you. Capability is developed by simply having a go. If you're "outcome orientated" you won't do the things you really want. If you believe in something enough, go and get it in the right way.

I went to a party last weekend. I spoke about some of the deeper meaning behind my email with my disability to a friend. His answer: "That email has put you back to where you should have been."

I had tears when I read Steve's letter. It was like a big 'fuck you' to everyone who's ever doubted, ridiculed and abused people with disabilities. And a huge courageous leap of faith by Steve for showing a girl he's interested in her.

As I've mentioned, there is always a lingering internal pressure to prove yourself when you have a disability (see Perfection vs excellence and Forward rolls). Steve took this opportunity to show his inner demons, and those who bullied him, that he could. He's written about the importance of recognising mental health problems and seeking help. He's handled the media frenzy with dignity. It's an incredible personal victory.

I know Steve's story is not entirely about love. But I'd be honoured if a man made that much effort, and took that much personal and professional risk to tell me his feelings for me.

Steve Tucker, I am proud to call you a friend. I haven't seen you since our uni days, and we don't talk often, but in this week of International Day of People with Disability, I want to commend you on being a courageous, honest, intelligent and articulate voice. I admire your spirit. You are a good person. Well done for shaking up perceptions and letting the world see the real you.

29 November 2010

One thing I am looking forward to this summer is the live music I will be seeing. Granted, most of it takes place in the first half of December though.

My summer of live music starts on Friday 3 December with U2. I have seen U2 in 2006 - admittedly, I was quite disappointed because I'd probably built them up to be more fantastic in my mind. I really love everything they've released until and including All That You Can't Leave Behind, and nothing since. I bought a $40 ticket, so I'll be sitting up in the sky. I knew if I didn't buy a ticket, I'd be disappointed for not going. Other than Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses, I think this song is my favourite by U2.

The next concert I am seeing is Bon Jovi on Saturday 11 December. I am going with the beautiful Cheryl from Business Chic. I am really excited about letting my inner bogan rock out. There are a few Bon Jovi songs I am fond of, including this one.

In These Arms is from the Keep the Faith album. Keep the Faith was the second CD I ever received, for my twelfth birthday in 1993. The first CD I received was Janet by Janet Jackson, along with my large boombox CD player just before my birthday.

So many concerts that I found it hard to schedule in my birthday party. I am having two - a dinner this Saturday night and drinks on Friday 10 December.

After Bon Jovi is Muse, on 15 December, right after a Christmas party. I bought tickets on impulse, on a whim, because I really enjoyed Muse's concert on DVD - I watched it three times in three days recently - and the tickets were cheap affordable. I read a recent article about Muse, and I think it's pretty cool Matt Bellamy had the dream to become a superstar and now he has. I don't know many of their songs, but I know that I love Time is Running Out more than their more recent stuff. It was the song that made me discover them. And I also saw them at the Big Day Out in 2004.

The last big concert I have a ticket to is Sia. I have really taken notice of Sia since We Are Born was released earlier this year. She has an interesting sound. The concert is not til February so it gives me a chance to acquaint myself with more of her music.

I think she's interestingly beautiful, and has a pretty brilliant (and eccentric) imagination.

The last concert I am looking forward to is Kings of Leon in March 2011. I really hope to get tickets to it, despite my rather unfavourable review of their current album. Fingers crossed I get tickets! I can't wait to see them play their old stuff...

28 November 2010

When I was watching Love Actually the other night, I was reminded of a beautiful song. River by Joni Mitchell. It was the music I've been missing.

It sounds like something played on a music box, with a little ice skater dancing around the perimeter when the music box opens. The lyrics are so wistful. So regretful.

My Mum used to listen to Joni Mitchell when I was a kid. I never appreciated the beauty of this song, or any of her music. And despite watching Love Actually 879 times, it was actually only when I heard Angus Stone's version of River that I realised its magic, and I then revisited Joni's.

Sometimes, when I hear classic songs for the first time, I realise I should have heard them years ago, and feel guilty for not giving the great music the attention it (and I) deserved. Hell, what was I thinking when I bought Holly Valance's Kiss Kiss on CD when I should have been listening to Joni.

27 November 2010

It was election day today. State election in Victoria. To be honest, I couldn't care about the outcome (Brumby or Ballieu, and a friend of mine is running in the Sex Party). (I don't think having sex is an activity needed to run the state or country, however. But members may have sex to celebrate/commiserate the outcome (pun!) of election day.) (I have a Sex Party sticker on my TV table, come to think of it.)

All I cared about today was getting a sausage. Remember the Federal election day? Sausages were abundant, even when I'd already voted during the week. And I even forgave the apostrophe misuse on this clever sign at my local primary school.

Today there were no sausages for the state.

I was eager to get a sausage. My Facebook updates prove it:Approx 7.15 am: What time do the Victorian polling booths open? I want a sausage.

And then disappointment:Approx 8.30 am: What sort of democracy is this? No sausages at the polling booths.

Apparently I was too early for sausages. It's never too early for a sausage. But I wasn't in Melbourne during the day to get a sausage. And I missed out.

Friends provided Facebook updates about the state of the sausages (excuse the pun). A few missed out, including an election official - 'what does that say about the state of the state?' is an excellent summary from a friend about this sausageless election day. I got an election tip: 'My boyfriend says you should move to a marginal seat if you want snags, and a really marginal one if you don't want to pay for them...' - I don't know what marginal means, but if it means getting a sausage, then HELL to the YEAH!

In other election news (and don't I feel stupid writing about the election when I am so uninformed and disinterested?), I received this pamphlet from the man himself on Thursday:

Justin Madden is my local member and was at my train station. He used to be a footballer. (I had a bit of a fan girl moment, for just a second, and on the inside. Strange, because I hate football? And don't care for the election. Perhaps I go 'fan girl' over any 'celebrity'?)

People can be ANYTHING (they aspire to?) these days. Serious career changes are made. Footballers and musicians (Peter Garrett) become politicians. Meanwhile, Shane Warne, former Australian cricketer and former crush of mine, pre text messaging, becomes a creator of a McDonalds burger.

I mentioned I wasn't in Melbourne today. I took a day trip to Bendigo to see my friend Danielle, her husband and their cute three month old baby girl. It was lovely meeting and cuddling her baby - I am better with kids than I imagined! On my way home I called in at Bob Boutique, my favourite Bendigo store. The owner remembered me and my love of pandas.

I did some self-gifting (a term coined by Faux Fuschia) at Bob. It is filled with delightfully cute things. As I said to the owner, I always marvel at my ability to buy so many things in such a small amount of time (I made my choices in, say 10 minutes?!?).

I bought four things - the one with the Christmas wrap is a present for my Aunty in the UK.

Here is a panda stamp.

And another panda spoon.

And a wombat and koala writing set - I adore stationery and also love wombats.

I am supposed to be seeing a band tonight. But the band comes on at 11.20pm. I can't stay up that long! On account of the scheduled time of performance, my hayfever, a long drive today, and feeling a bit sore, I am not going. Sorry, The John Steele Singers. You make nice music and I know you're on the cusp of greatness. And I know I've vowed to see bands before they get astronomical (regretful I was too sick to see Megan Washington back in September and now she's stomping the music scene like nobody's business), but you're just on too late for Nanna Carly. I need a matinee show.

My salad was inspired by Apples under my Bed - but I hate broad beans so I used kale, spinach and asparagus, topped with mango and and feta.

Fresh sardines - more oily fish - great for my skin!

Look how cheap they were! 73 cents for five! Less money than a tin of sardines, and better for you!

Right now I am sort of watching Stardust on TV. I like the idea of it - fallen stars, fairytale romance, but...it's a bit too much fantasty genre for me. Claire Danes looks exactly as beautiful and delicate as she did in Romeo and Juliet, except in Stardust she wears silver.

A friend's Facebook status mentioned the lyrics from Stuck in the Middle with You by Stealers Wheel. I didn't even have to hear the song when I realised it is the music I've been missing.

I think it is catchy and a little sexy.

Other than the song featuring in the film Reservoir Dogs, which I have never seen, I don't know anything about Stealers Wheel. I didn't even know how Stealers was spelt (Steelers, as in steel??) or whether it had an apostrophe (when in doubt, leave it out is my apostrophe motto).

Wikipedia reliably informs me that 'Stealers Wheel are a Scottish folk rock/rock band formed in Paisley, Renfrewshire in 1972 by former school friends Joe Egan and Gerry Rafferty.[1] The band broke up in 1975 and re-formed in 2008'. They released four albums. And comprised A LOT of band members:

Gerry Rafferty: vocals, lead guitar (1972–1975)

Joe Egan: lead vocals, keyboard (1972–1975)

Paul Pilnick: lead guitar (1972) and (2008–present) (born 17 March 1944, in Liverpool, Lancashire, England)

26 November 2010

Christmas is in the air. I love Christmas - the present purchasing (and exchanging) is my favourite. Actually, present exchange and carol singing are the only real Christmassy things I do. Nevertheless, I'm already in the Christmas spirit!Today at work, my American colleague brought in pumpkin pie.

And canned cream!

It was delicious!!!

My first taste of pumpkin pie was last December, when the same colleague brought in a pumpkin pie. It was like a custard tart. My Aussie colleagues and I can't fathom how Americans eat pumpkin as a dessert.

I had one piece at morning tea, and then after lunch, I was presented with a pie box and a slice of pie on my desk. Thanks D and N :)

The pumpkin pie was to celebrate Thanksgiving. I am quite ignorant to the meaning of Thanksgiving, but I like the idea of giving thanks and celebrating with a feast.

I am thankful for a loving family, great friends, and so many wonderful opportunities happening for me. I am living the life I imagined - being a real writer!

We don't celebrate Thanksgiving in Australia but I lived vicariously through the TV show Felicity.

When I watched Thanksgiving scenes on Felicity, I loved the family spirit the holiday creates. I think Thanksgiving should be an Australian holiday too!

I don't have a holiday tree like Faux Fuschia. But last week I spent an hour lunching in the sunshine with my new lovely writing friend Pauline. I saw a giant holiday tree in the city, perched atop astroturf. (I personally think Faux Fuschia should be its chief decorator.)

Here is my view from the park bench.

And look at the beautiful sky. A sign an Australian Christmas (and the heat of summer I dread) is on its way.

I mentioned I love to give presents. I have done most of my Christmas shopping already. I am going on a day trip to country Victoria tomorrow and hope to pick up a few things from the boutiques there. Stores pull out their best bags at Christmas - here is one I got from Kikki K.

I love to carefully choose the gifts, thinking of my recipients' likes, personalities and hobbies, and then lovingly wrap them.

24 November 2010

Even after my excitement fueled review of the first episode of Offspring, I did not warm to the show as much as I'd hoped.

This photo sums up my feelings.

I didn't know whether it was a medical dramady with mild slapstick, or a supernatural fantasy - based on Nina's inner mind/outer body experiences almost each episode? Was it a strict rom-com? Or was it a romantic musical comedy cross medi-drama, with characters sometimes kissing, Eddie Perfect sometimes singing and babies sometimes being delivered? Shrug.

The show provided me with a few laughs, and tears too. But the continued will-they-won't-they? situation between Nina and Chris made me frustrated. I found it repetitive. I was much more interested in the side stories of the other characters, specifically the way Jimmy drifts through life doing drug trials for money and having adventures with really attractive women.

To be honest, the only thing keeping me from changing the channel was Nina and Billie's clothes.

Well actually, the whole damn cast is stylish. I remained loyal because I couldn't wait to see what they'd wear next.

However, I think the pub song scene in the last episode of the season finally won me over.

I laughed so hard at this. Friends were talking about it on Facebook, and even the next day, I saw a reference to the song at work. It's so romantic, yet so awkwardly cringeworthy. What an apology!

Six At Best
Babe, I know it’s crazy that I slept with your sister
We got drunk on vodka and I totally kissed her
Things got out of hand
I felt rejected and pissed, hurt and lonely
But as far as sex with your sister goes
There’s something you should know

Your sister’s a 6, the sex was 6 at best
A 6 at the most, and maybe even less
‘Cos her desperation wrecked the mood
She made love like a starving person clutching at food
And it’s difficult to stay aroused
When you’re surrounded by a thousand owls
Baby, it’s impossible to overstress
Your sister’s a 6, and that’s being generous

She must have nervous 'cos she couldn’t stop talking
She told me ‘bout the doctor that she’s borderline stalking
In bed your sister’s less active than Steven Hawking on Prozac
And I know it’s no excuse, but, baby, it’s the truth
Your sister’s a 6, the sex was 6 at most
You’re like a 12 course banquet, and she’s just toast
‘Cos she wanted feedback on whether she was getting it right
She’s got more baggage than a Quantas flight
It was rarely hit and mostly miss
And the weirdest bit – she kept calling me Chris
And I swear to god, it will never happen again
You’re sister’s a 6 and you’re a perfect 10

You’re sister’s a 6 and you’re a perfect 10
You’re sister’s a 6 and you’re a perfect 10
You’re sister’s a 6 and you’re a perfect 10
You’re sister’s a 6 and you’re a perfect 10

And I know you think you’ve gotta be tough
That you’re never really good enough
Well the truth is, girl, that you’re not her
And in fact, you’re the woman that I prefer
And I know we don’t often get things right
I just wanted the chance to say to you tonight
You’re my everything, you’re my lover and my best friend
You’re sister’s a 6 and you’re a perfect 10
You’re sister’s a 6 and you’re a perfect 10
You’re sister’s a 6 and you’re a perfect 10

Eddie Perfect, the actor who plays Mick in Offspring writes and composes songs for the show.

As if my week couldn't get any better! I went to see Bob Evans at The Tote last night. It was a small charity gig, supporting West Side Roller Derby and the Sacred Heart Mission. It was fantastic!!

I went with my friend Phin, and met two lovely girls Carmen and Sarah there - they are fans of Bob Evans, Josh Pyke and Kav Temperley from The Basement Birds, and have been reading my blog for a few months. It was nice to meet them in real life. I also made a new friend, Sinead, who flew all the way from Perth to see the show - that's dedication!!

I have never been to The Tote before - earlier this year it was on the verge of closing forever to it being deemed 'high risk' and consequently being charged high liquor licensing fees. Fortunately it reopened, allowing the iconic venue to continue to hold bands. I love The Tote - it's intimate, and very rock and roll - walls coated with old band posters, and filled with music lovers.

The show opened with a quirky band called Oh Deanna. The band is a four piece, fronted by a cute girl in a cute dress singing equally cute lyrics. Their music reminded me a bit of The Mouldy Peaches. I thought she sang with spunk - it was delightful.

Next band up was Jimmy Tait - another four piece fronted by a girl in a nice dress. To be honest, their music did not have an impact on me - maybe I need to listen to their music on CD?

Bob Evans came on last - he played solo and acoustically - it was simply wonderful. Bob Evans (Kevin Mitchell) is the absolute nicest Australian musician ever. So funny, so lovely and so obliging.

He didn't stick to a setlist, instead writing down a list of songs of is he can play, and some covers, and played what he and the crowd wanted.

He joked he had a 90 minute set which would comprise 45 minutes of music, and 45 minutes of banter. I've always enjoyed his stage banter, and last night's banter did not disappoint. Granted, most of it consisted of the crowd yelling out songs they wanted him to play, and him saying he didn't know how (Crowded House, ACDC, Jimi Hendrix, some of his own stuff...). I was reminded of how many songs of his I love. It seems like every song of his is my favourite!

His set opened with an old favourite (of mine), Nowhere Without You. Other songs played were Stevie's Song, Friend, Sadness and Whisky, Darlin' Won't You Come, Pasha Bulker, We're a Mess, The Great Unknown, Rocks in my Head (according to him, 'a fucking depressing song', associated with gin), Brother O Brother, (my favourite) Hand Me Downs, Power of Speech (he stumbled through the words, laughed a lot and ended it prematurely, citing 'when requests go wrong' - so funny), Don't You think and Someone So Much. He was not confident recalling the words to Everything Goes, so for a second, I held up the lyrics in front of him, though he couldn't see them.

I love the way he plays the harmonica. Here is his harmonica holding bay.

He also played a few covers. Lily Allen's Not Fair - again - LOVE THIS, Lucinda Williams' Lost It (beautiful lyrics: 'I I give you my heart will you promise not to break it?').

There was this funny encore moment where he asked whether he should go off stage for five minutes, and come back for the encore. He decided not to do the five minute break, and build suspense for the encore by standing on the side of the stage, in clear view, the crowd chanting for more, and him winding his arm and the crowd's excitement. Here's Bob on pre-encore break

He returned to the middle of the stage, saying that he'll miss his (fake) flight to New York for this encore. So funny!

During the encore, he played one of my other favourite covers, See Through Dress by Red Jezebel.He had lyrics printed out again, and this time invited me up on stage to hold the lyrics for him. Oh. My. God. So I am not the most agile of people when I my skin is sore/when I wear skinny jeans. And last night, I was cursed with the two situations. Sore skin and skinny jeans. So I found it very difficult to get up on stage. I ended up hoisting myself up over the speaker, which angled downwards, sliding face down the speaker, landing on the power pack on the floor of the stage. Graceful, and classy. And painful! Bob Evans made a comment that I looked beautiful making my stage entrance! Photos of my grand arrival maybe to come.

So then I stood up there awkwardly, holding the lyrics in front of him, singing along. Part of it was recorded on my camera, and Sarah also recorded the full thing on her iPhone. I sang 'you thought I'd be fine but I'm a crazy old fuck' with him into the microphone.

Wow!!! It was so exciting, and I can't quite believe it happened!

(Excuse my jiggly tummy and undone button - I think the button was due to the speaker dive!)

Thanks to Sinead and the lovely guy for taking photos and video, and also to the guy for getting me the song list and lyrics. Sarah also took photos and video - can't wait to see them. Thank you!

These are the See Through Dress lyrics:

And the song list he signed:

He was obliging enough to pose for a couple of photos with me, and with friends. Such an awesome guy!

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The material on Tune into Radio Carly is copyright.The writing in this blog is by Carly Findlay unless otherwise stated.Most photos in this blog are by Carly Findlay unless otherwise stated.Please do not reproduce without permission from Carly Findlay.

This blog represents my personal opinions and experiences. It does not reflect those of my employers'.The information I provide about ichthyosis is mostly based on personal experiences. Please seek medical advice or counseling before trying any new treatments I've written about.