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About Me

Hello there, weary internet traveller! If you're new here and a little lost, then you might find the
following page phenomenally helpful. Or not, because it's woefully dated and I refuse to update it regularly. Hashtag sorry not sorry.

Although my blog is a personal
record of my misadventures, I also strive to make it entertaining to
strangers and accessible to those who may not know me very well.
But, context is everything; you can't be expected to get it unless
you get me first. So on this page, in simple list form, I have
summarised my person for your benefit.

"Nothing he did or said was quite what he
meant,

but still his life could be called a monument,

shaped in a
slant of available light and

set to the movement of possible music."

But where are my manners? I haven't even introduced myself yet. Hi, my name is Julie (my friends call me Tony), and you're reading my blog's summary page!
My blog is a fanciful adventure into the mind of a biologist, writer,
comedian, Marvel geek extraordinaire, and recovering alcoholic! I attempt to make my musings funny to justify their
existence and sometimes I even succeed. Although admittedly I also
use humour as a tool behind which I hide my existential angst and
bigger disgust toward humanity. If you're not familiar with
existentialism, you should brush up on it a bit. All the cool kids
are doing it.

I've been described as eccentric, eclectic, and “pathologically
honest,” although I don't think that last one was meant to be a
compliment.

If you like pigeon-holing people then you might be interested to know that my Myers-Briggs test informed me that I'm an INTJ-type person. While I don't put much stock in these types of personality tests, the truth is that it's eerily accurate and I don't disagree with anything about me or how I think on the page that explains it.

In case you're wondering what I look like, here's a random
picture of me:

In the interest of journalistic integrity, I chose a picture in which I am clearly drunk, wearing a teddy bear's head for a hat, and holding a sign that pissed off at least one person who doesn't get jokes. And no, I don't recall why my friend was angry at CNN that day.

A biography would likely be long and tedious, so instead, here are the facts neatly listed, and from them you are welcome to draw your own conclusions.

Name: Julianne

Age: 29

Education: B.S. (If you giggled at this, good. I laugh every time I tell people my degree is "B.S." and regretfully few of my fellow scientists appreciate it.)

Family: My husband, Andy, three dogs named Seamus, Carlisle, and Ruby, an unnecessarily large and grumpy rabbit named Winnibelle, and a kitten named Mabel that Andrew begrudgingly tolerates. Plus a lizard named Domingo.

Dislikes: Entitled people, people who don't use their turn signals, hypocrites, Settlers of Catan, SJWs, anything that's "gluten-free," stickiness, people who use “your”
incorrectly, people on cell phones in public, hobophobes (like homophobes but they hate the homeless), dishonesty, running out of
alcohol, Carlos Mencia, Dane Cook, celebrity bullshit in general, Starbucks, brand loyalty, the incomprehensible vastness of space, plastic cups, smoking,
when music is described as "vampirish," people who say "Top o' th' mornin'" in a dumb accent,
people who can't pronounce my 6-letter last name, being wet,
spoons, The Butterfly Effect 2, The DaVinci Code, audiences who clap out
of rhythm to a song, Slinkies that never make it down the stairs,
finding a comfortable sitting position that also causes one foot to fall
asleep, Pluto, redundancy, redundancy, redundancy, Tumblr "feminists,"
smooth peanut butter, the inability to pronounce the word "thistle"
without lisping, people who think they're dog is a "rescue" because they got it from the shelter, wrong numbers that
swear they never called you when you call them back, people who are
unable to comprehend satire, wanting to eat peanut butter out of the jar
but being too worried about germs to reuse the spoon that just touched
my mouth, being plunged into existentialist dilemmas before 8 AM, The
Hills Have Eyes (the remake), waking up with a headache, typo shame, self-righteousness, the death of vaudeville, scorpions,
the awkward hesitant pause that comes right before someone mispronounces a word, Nextel phones, spandex, chocolate ice cream, when my friends tell me my alcoholism is hurting those around me and I know they're right,
waiting for my cell phone to charge, bruised bananas that don't seem
bruised until the moment they are bitten into, being in debt to anyone ever, poking
something which appears dead only to discover it was actually sleeping,
not knowing what "rock the casbah" means, tattoos of cartoon characters (especially Winnie the Pooh characters),
being cold, the letter C except when used in "ch" words like "church," how over-rated pandas are, stripped screws, grounds in my coffee, the
ending of Stephen King's "It," Debbie Macdonald from Animal Cops
Detroit (I dunno why, I just don't like her), The Grapes of Wrath, people who read over my shoulder seriously stop it Andy, flavored syrup in
coffee, the president's Twitter account, people who take everything personally, Catelyn Stark's emo bitching in the Game of Thrones series, lemonade, not hearing someone multiple times and just agreeing after the third time I've asked them to repeat themselves,
bar soap, MTV, anything asymmetrical, surprises, people who try way too hard to be "edgy," hangnails,
eighties music, people who use my drunken ramblings to blackmail me into sobriety the
next day, people who write "profound" poetry about the hardship of anything (we're not your therapist, poets, keep it to yourselves), reality TV
in general, that most people can't tell the difference between a Nazi
swastika and a Buddhist swastika, exercise commercials that use the word
"booty," Snuggies, Snuggies for dogs, Precious Moments figurines, the factory farm system and people's ignorance and apathy toward it, people who apply Freudian
psychology to my choice of pasta at Olive Garden, dentists, germs, 1337
language, waking up from naps at 10 PM, milk, parents who spell
traditional names alternatively (like "Mykal" and "Krisstael"), the
general public's overrating of Shakespeare, roller coasters, long lists of
things I dislike, and Andy's mother. (The last one is because of an unfortunate incident where she kicked me out of her house for boning her son. Not like, in the house or anything, just in general, I think the idea of her son knockin' naughties with a crazed hobo bothered her a lot for some reason.) (Also I was not a hobo at the time. I lived in a van, thank you very much.)

Likes: Reading, warmth, finishing ahead of time, intelligent
conversations, absurd conversations, hijinks late at night, animals, aminals, nostalgia, visiting new places, not feeling pressured
by people, stuffing myself withfood, anything produced by Marvel. (Literally, put a logo on a piece of shit and I would probably buy it.)

Most likely downfall: A tragic and avoidable accident following the damning, fateful, and all too ironic words: "I have not had too much to drink. Look what I can do!"

Least likely downfall: Murdered by a psychic criminal in a vengeful manner and/or baked in an oven during a French revolution.

Quirks: Twitches, occasional aphasia, a bizarre aversion to reflective surfaces. I can also speed-read and prepare my own taxes, and, according to Andy, "grab small animals that don't want to be grabbed." I have an extra bone in my right foot. This condition is referred to as "Accessory Navicular Syndrome" and does not affect my life is any way.

What am I up to nowadays? Well, having graduated from uni against all odds and having dealt with a lot of my bizarre emotional issues, life is a bit
tamer; my priorities now revolve madly around taking care of my dogs
and the stains they leave on the carpet. Thrilling, I know.

Having moved to California in December of 2012, part of what I want this blog to do is record the way I settle in, meet people, and work on my new career in a laboratory setting. Ultimately, my goals for the next five years include home ownership and getting my Master's (or maybe even getting accepted to veterinary school!) Whatever happens, though, my blog is along for the ride and, if you follow it, you are too! Happy reading! (And congrats if you've already made it this far.)

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Rings True

"I think I'll be a clown when I get grown," said Dill. "Yes, sir, a clown.... There ain't one thing in this world I can do about folks except laugh, so I'm gonna join the circus and laugh my head off."

"You got it backwards, Dill," said Jem. "Clowns are sad, it's folks that laugh at them."