'My Boyfriend's Porn Makes Me Feel Inadequate'

My guy is great in bed while he lasts. However, every time I get close, he finishes. What can I do to get him to last long enough for me to orgasm too?

If a guy finishes before you every once in a while, that's called being a guy. But if he's finishing before you "every time," as you say, that's called being a selfish prick. (Look it up: That's actually the literal definition.)

You say he's "great," and that's a great conversation starter, because, as you know, guys love it when women tell them they're good in bed. So praise him, because the second half of this conversation is going to be less fun for him. Make the conversation fun and go a little overboard: Tell him that when you're fucking, it's like you're Marilyn and he's JFK; that this is some next-level John and Yoko shit; that when Jay-Z and Beyonce have sex, they have no idea what they're missing; that you two are, like, one sex tape away from having your own fragrance at J.C. Penney. Be specific about what you really like — because you want him to know exactly what you want him to keep doing.

More From Cosmopolitan

Then transition to the real conversation.

If you're anxious, I suppose you can ease into it some more: You know when we're driving and I turn off the stereo, just as your favorite song's coming on? Or: You know how we were at that party and the cops shut it down, just as everyone started dancing? But, at some point, you've got to have the talk and tell him this is unacceptable.

Maybe try a sports analogy, if he responds well to coaching: Dude, good hustle out there, but it doesn't matter how well you dribble if you always miss the shot. Or: Nice somersault, guy, but you gotta stick the landing. Let him know you'll help him figure this out and that you'll help make it fun along the way. But make it clear that this sucks for you: You know how good it feels for you at the end? For me? Not so much.

Keep talking. Keep it specific. Repeat as necessary.

If he gets very defensive, he's a jerk. This isn't your fault, so don't let him try and blame you. Some guys just happen to have hair-trigger pricks: It's like The Hurt Locker down there — they're always about to explode in somebody's face. (And sometimes it's a serious problem, but your guy just sounds selfish.) But try to have fun while you two figure it out. If he can learn new tricks, try some: slow him down, flip him over, stop and start, tie him up, buy thicker condoms, apply a cream, deny him — thinking first of what feels best to you. (He feels plenty good already.) You may need to take more control in bed, so you get what you deserve, for a change.

But if it keeps happening — even after you talk to him — don't wait too long before kicking him off the mattress: If he can't wait for you, why should you wait for him?

I've been in a relationship for over four years now. How do you know you are ready to move in together? We talked about it, but I wanted to know what I should do to make sure this works. What kind of advice can you give me?

In screenwriter William Goldman's 1983 memoir, Adventures From the Screen Trade, he compresses all of Hollywood's collective wisdom into one classic quote: "Nobody knows anything." There's never been a surefire way to make a movie, or a relationship. No checklist works for every story, love stories included.

But there are guidelines: For instance, don't make a $200 million movie based on a board game (Battleship) and, if you do, don't cast Rihanna as a naval gunner who shoots at aliens. Also: Don't move in with a guy unless you're more excited to live with him than you are anxious about being on your own.

Have you been with your boyfriend for four years because he's great for you — and now you can't wait to get closer? Go for it.

Have you dated for four years without moving in together because he's convenient and you haven't met anyone better? Dump him.

Obviously, it's not quite that simple: nobody knows anything. But it seems like four years is enough time for you to know, deep down, if you want to live with this guy. I'm guessing you already know the answer.

My boyfriend's porn makes me feel like I'm not good enough. Am I being irrational, and if so, how do I get past my feelings of inadequacy?

I'm sure your boyfriend's porn is hot.

But right before he clicks on that link? And right after he clicks "clear browser history"? He's probably thinking about how much he'd rather be naked with you. Most guys like porn, but most guys, most of the time — not always —would rather not be taking advantage of themselves. Instead of making a scene with a computer screen, they'd rather be acting out Drake lyrics with an actual person.

You are infinitely hotter than your boyfriend's porn because you're real.

I'm more worried about this idea that his porn makes you feel inadequate. (Obviously, if the guy's belittling you, tell him to fuck off.) But even if he's into fantastic, gymnastic, crazy-acrobatic, oh-my-god-is-that-physically possible porn, it's still just a fantasy — your real-world insecurity should not be tied to some Romanian porn star and the sweaty, Cialis-popping stud she rode in on.

Easier said than done, right? I get it: If the Parents Council is right about one and only one thing, it's that we are swimming in ridiculous, hyper-sexualized imagery everywhere we go. Do you also feel bad when you compare yourself to the impossibly perfect Jennifer Lawrence or Beyoncé or that cute barista at Starbucks? I feel you. (After watching Brad Pitt in Fight Club and Troy, I hit the gym hard; now that he's 50 and godlike eternal, I've realized he and Angelina are sacrificing newborns to the same expensive witch-doctor and I feel a bit better about myself.)

My point? Self-esteem is a daily struggle for most people. We all find our own ways to feel good in our own skin. I suppose it starts with focusing on what makes us feel like we're at our best, in bed or out of it.

One more thought: If his porn makes you anxious, maybe it's because he's keeping it a secret? If so, maybe watch some with him. I hear knowing is half the battle.

Do you have a question about sex or relationships for Logan? Submit it here.