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Turkey Induced Syncope

It was early on a Saturday morning when I got a call from the
Upstate NY police. “Your Mom asked us to call you and get her
groceries out of her car, because she didn’t want them to go bad.Her car is located in the Shop-More supermarket parking lot.
She’s very anxious that you come and get her groceries right away.
She’s afraid the turkey is going to thaw.As an afterthought he added, “Oh and by the way, the
ambulance brought your Mom to the Good Shepherd hospital ER”

I called the Good Shepherd ER and spoke to the head nurse,
Donna. My elderly parents had many visits to the ER over the past
few years, and Donna had gotten to know them well. She had become a
friend of the family. She told me that my mom had a brief syncopal
episode, but now seemed fine. She had no seizures, bruises, or
injuries. She told me that the cardiologist had been called and that
and an EKG, CXR, and cardiac enzymes had all been ordered. She had
already been seen by the ER doctor who was concerned about a
syncopal episode in an 83 year old woman who had an aortic valve
replacement six months ago. The cardiologist was on his way.

My mom’s main concern however was unselfishly not for
herself, but for the wellbeing of her free turkey. Every
thanksgiving, the local Shop-More supermarket had a promotion for a
free turkey.If you
spent over $300, you got a free turkey up to 21 pounds in size.My mom went there early in the morning to make sure she got
the biggest free turkey she could possibly get.There was fierce competition amongst the retirement crowd to
get the largest free turkey. My mom had gotten a 20 pounder. She was
so proud of her accomplishment. It
was her biggest turkey yet! It was as if she had hit the jackpot at
Atlantic City. Unfortunately the turkey was
too big for her to handle. She had passed out when straining to lift
it into her car. A passerby called the police, who called the
ambulance.

Good Shepherd hospital was located an hour away. My daughter
and I rushed over to the ER to see my mom.She was happy to see us but disappointed that we hadn’t
rescued her turkey yet.
The cardiologist had seen her and was in the ER.He said that there were minor EKG changes, and the cardiac
enzymes were normal. He thought it was most likely a vasovagal
reaction, but there was an increased risk of arrhythmias in a
patient who recently had a valve replacement. He wanted to keep her
24 hours for observation.The cardiologist was puzzled why my mom wanted such a big
turkey. It was a joke that had gotten old I explained. My mom used
to complain about my petite wife’s lack of an appetite. I joked that
my wife could eat a whole turkey by herself. So every year my mom
felt obligated to get a progressively larger turkey and present it
to my petite wife. The cardiologist laughed. “Once a mother always a
mother,” he said.

We left the hospital and drove to the Shop-More to rescue her
groceries. In the trunk of her car was an enormous turkey. It was
still frozen solid. A layer of ice had formed around it from
condensate, so it weighed even more than 20 pounds. The virtually
indestructible plastic Shop-More bag tore when I lifted the turkey.
It was huge, a regular turkey-zilla. We brought it to my mom’s
house, only to find that she already had a 14 pound turkey in the
freezer. It was left over from the Shop-More Easter free turkey
promotion. There was no room for another turkey, and I was afraid of
my mom passing out if she tried to lift the 20 pounder again. I
called my mom and told her that her turkey was fine, and that we
would store it in a freezer in my house. On the trip home I had to
brake abruptly on the Parkway. There was a loud thud, and I thought
I had been rear ended. But no, it was just the 20 pound ball of
solid frozen turkey colliding with the inside of my trunk. When I
got home, I found a Turkey shaped dent in my trunk. But
the turkey was unscathed. I
placed it in our spare freezer.

The next day the cardiologist told my mom that everything
checked out fine, and she could go home.He went over her diet, her list of medications, and her
activities. “No more 20 pound turkeys,” he said.My mom was disappointed. Despite the inconvenience of passing
out and staying overnight in the hospital, despite the expense of a
hospital stay, despite all she had been through, she still regarded
the 20 pound turkey as a prize trophy. It was a badge of honor
amongst her fellow shoppers. As a mother, it showed that she could
still nourish her family. It
was worth it to her.

I asked the cardiologist if this was his first case of
Turkey
induced syncope.“No” he
said. “I see it every year when the supermarkets have their free
turkey promotion.”