Monday, December 26, 2011

Every holiday season offers a chance to learn, grow, and open yourself to new life experiences and important lessons. For example:

A kid brother who is proud of his puppy's testicles will firmly believe an image of said testicles makes a thoughtful and treasured Christmas card.

Never underestimate the importance of beer as a holiday gift for a 27-year-old male housemate.

There is a limit to the amount of leftover scrambled eggs a dog can eat for Christmas brunch. That limit is 1/4 cup less than you think it is.

It takes 4.5 hours to wrap presents for a houseful of people. It takes 11 seconds to unwrap them. The amount of time it takes to clean the gift wrap, ribbons, boxes, and glitter from the living room floor has yet to be determined.

It is possible to convince a 10-year-old the Pure Romance "Tickle and Whip" discovered under the bed while searching for the cat is actually a designer cat toy. It's also possible to convince the cat of this.

I learned that drinking extremely good vodka and writing a multi-verse Twas the Night inspired Twitter poem at 11pm on Christmas day is completely forgivable, because few of my followers are on Twitter at that hour anyway and the only one who didn't ignore it thought it was funny.

Also, Monster High dolls are stranger than snake shoes. Which I believe they wear.

Sarah W. - Monster High dolls really ARE the weirdest things, right? My kid got one from my Grandma (they both think she is the most beautiful things ever), and I'm honestly scared she might walk into my room with her bowed back and colossal shoes and cut out my intestines! Hahaha!

I learned that little brothers (even little brothers who are all grown up) will STILL get all competitive over their toy race-car tracks and may make your little girl stomp her feet with frustration because she's "ruining the race." (For which it is perfectly acceptable to give them both outrageous noogies.)