Welsh Language To Be Given Future Tense

At a meeting of the Welsh Language Society today it was announced that the Welsh language is to be provided with a future tense “to make it easier to do things we haven’t done before”.

A spokesman told reporters “We’ve thought about it for a long time. It’s pretty obvious that a future tense comes in handy when you want to, you know, plan stuff as opposed to just remembering what Wales used to be like.

“It wasn’t an easy thing to suggest, because we only speak Welsh at our meetings, which currently has three tenses – the Present, the Past and the Glorious Past. So planning something like this was impossible. In the end one of our members suggested we all learn sign language, and that worked pretty well. It was either that or use English, and I’d rather eat my own faeces.”

Future plans for the language include restoring the vowel:consonant ratio and a wider range of sex words, to make it possible to communicate a desire for something more interesting than the missionary position.