Giving Instructions Without Being Rude or Wimpy

Asking others to do something feels tricky sometimes. It can be easier when there is a clear line of authority, such as when you are the owner and you are addressing an employee, but what about a situation where you might work with a dental team member without being the boss? Or when you are asking someone who is a peer or a colleague to do something?

It can be easy to veer between the demanding I need you to do this (somewhat dictatorial) and the lame It would be great if you would do this (somewhat passive-aggressive).

In the book How to Wow, communications expert Frances Cole Jones suggests the phrase My request is…

For instance:

My request is that this project be completed before Monday

My request is for a location that offers free parking

My request is to mark all requests for vacation time on the shared calendar

The beauty of “My request is,” notes Jones is that it leaves people in no doubt that a request has been made of them by you, but because you haven’t used the “I/you” combination, you avoid their feeling overwhelmed or beleaguered.

What about you—are there any phrases that you’ve found useful when giving instructions? Share your answers in the comments.

6 comments

I don’t know about “My request”. Sounds in-human to me. Our office is all about the team so I like to use the expression “Our goal is” I think that “Our goal is to finish this project before Monday” has that team spirit ring to it.

This is definitely a challenge. I like the team concept with “our goal”. The “my request” approach to me is really just another way of sugar coating a command. Once everyone is on the “team” they will get what it means to accomplish the goal or task at hand. By consistently pointing back to a goal it reinforces the team…win-win.

I think as an owner/operator it is our job to make these challenging statements. Sometimes at my dental office, I will give an employee two tasks that I need done and ask them which one they would like to do. This way I get tasks done and my employee chose which one they would do.