Rescue Me

Summary:
Have you ever wondered what Edward was thinking when he saw Bella again in Italy? Maybe he is not as innocent as we all might have thought...he is a man after all ;) CHAPTER 6 IS OUT: Making Her Understand FYI - This story is in canon *Adult rating - just in case Edward's thoughts get a little too steamy ;) ** The font used is called Edwardian Script - it just seemed perfect REVIEWS = MOTIVATION = CHAPTERS OUT FASTER

Notes:
Get ready of some very silly and can we say maybe even steamy, Edward moments! Thanks to Stephenie for letting us play with Edward - we promise to return him soon - maybe ;)

4. Awaking from a Dream

We arrived at the Sea-Tac airport in Seattle, to find my family waiting for us. I was glad Alice had been on the phone with Jasper for most of the plane ride. Even though I could always hear the thoughts of the very intimate couples in my family, it was a relief that she was too preoccupied to have a vision of what I wanted to do to Bella.

Alice immediately went to Jasper’s side as soon as we cleared the gate. They had the most interesting relationship I have ever seen. They didn’t embrace each other like most couples do, but the look they shared was of ultimate intimacy. I knew to block their thoughts right away - it would be too much, especially where my mind has been lately. Maybe I would get to experience what that is like someday…to be able to convene to my angel everything that I felt and wanted from her with one single glance…I needed to stop thinking!

My parents waited in a quiet corner far from the line of the metal detectors, in the shadow of a wide pillar.

Welcome back my son, you gave us a little bit of a scare… – I can’t believe that after everything I put my father through he would still welcome me back like nothing happened.

Esme reached for Bella hugging her fiercely, I hope she doesn’t mind me hugging her; I owe her so much­, Esme thought.

“Thank you so much,” Esme said in Bella’s ear.

She came and threw her arms around me next; I knew that if she could cry she would.

“You will never put me through that again,” my mother almost growled at me.

“Sorry mom.” Now I had two people to make up to, Bella and my mother. Of course I wanted to make it up to Bella in a very different way…

“Thank you, Bella,” Carlisle said. “We owe you.”

“Hardly,” Bella mumbled. It seemed the sleepless night had finally caught up with her.

----------------------------------------------------------

Later in Bella’s Bedroom

I didn’t want to tell her what I had been doing during the darkest period of my sad existence. I needed to change the subjected, and I needed to know where we stood. My mind had been in a very different world since Italy, and if she did not love me anymore then I needed to know. Dragging out my imagination this way would be very painful if she had moved on. I cursed myself, ‘you stupid, stupid vampire. First you leave for her safety, and then as soon you came back all you want to do is the most dangerous thing of them all…’

I looked back at Bella’s confused face.

“I…” I took a deep breath, “I owe you an apology. No of course I owe you much, much more than that. But you have to know that I had no idea. I didn’t realize the mess I was leaving behind. I thought it was safe for you here. So safe. I had no idea that Victoria would come back. I’ll admit, when I saw her that one time, I was paying more attention to James’ thoughts. But I just didn’t see that she had this kind of response in her, that she even had such a tie to him. I think I realize why now - she was so sure of him, the thought of him failing never occurred to her. It was her overconfidence that clouded her feelings about him – that kept me from seeing the depth of them, the bond there.

Not that there’s any excuse for what I left you to face. When I heard what you told Alice – what she saw herself – when I realized that you had to put your life in the hand of werewolves, immature, volatile, the worse thing out there besides Victoria herself. Please know that I had no idea of any of this. I feel sick, sick to my core, even now, when I can see and feel you safe in my arms. I am the most miserable excuse for –”

“Stop!” She interrupted me. I had just realized that I probably was speaking a little too fast for my human angel, but maybe she didn’t want to hear what I had to say, maybe she really did move on like my brainless plan had intended. Why couldn’t I hear her thoughts??? Specially now, if only I knew what I had to say to make this all go away, to make her love me again…Maybe I should use my “dazzling” powers to lure her in and kiss her, make her forget everything with one strong, passionate kiss…

“Edward, this has to stop now. You can’t think about things that way. You can’t let this…this guilt…rule your life. You can’t take responsibility for the things that happen to me here. None of it is your fault; it’s just part of how life is for me. So, if I trip in front of a bus or whatever it is next time, you have to realize that it’s not your job to take the blame. You can’t just go off to Italy because you feel bad that you didn’t save me. Even if I had jumped off that cliff to die, that would have been my choice, and not your fault. I know it’s your… your nature to shoulder the blame for everything, but you really can’t let that make you go to such extremes! It’s very irresponsible – think of Esme and Carlisle and –“

She could NOT be serious…She thought I felt guilty??? Of course I felt guilty for lying to her, and for leaving her, for putting her through these last few months. And yes I felt guilty for not being here to catch her… I apprehended a growl that started to form. She still had no idea how much I really loved her; it was my turn to interrupt…

“Isabella Marie Swan,” I whispered, as to not wake up Charlie, but I wanted to scream. “Do you believe that I asked the Volturi to kill me because I felt guilty?” I was mad, I was mad at my Bella… I never thought that would be possible…

“Didn’t you?”

“Feel guilty? Intensely so. More than you can comprehend.” How did she not believe me? Wasn’t I speaking in plain English, or was I still speaking in Italian? Grr

“Then…what are you saying? I don’t understand.”

“Bella, I went to the Volturi because I thought you were dead. Even if I’d had no hand in your death, even if it wasn’t my fault, I would have gone to Italy. Obviously, I should have been more careful – I should have spoken to Alice directly, rather than accepting it secondhand from Rosalie. But, really, what was I supposed to think when the boy said Charlie was at the Funeral? What are the odds?

“Excuse me?” Was she seriously asking me this? I stared at her for a dubious moment, “Don’t you remember anything I told you before?”

“I remember everything that you told me,” she replied. I could see the hurt in her eyes. I remembered the last words I said to her. Those were probably as fresh in her mind as they were in mine. I wanted her to remember all the other things I had told her. All the sweet loving words of how much I loved her.

Between all the anger and the arguing I had forgotten that Bella was still lying in my arms. Her curves pressing against my body, her delicious scent invading my nose. I looked at her angelic face; my memory had not done it justice. And her full red lips…how I had missed the way they felt against mine. I absentmindedly brushed my finger against her lower lip sending chills down my spine…

“Bella, you seem to be under a misapprehension.” I forced a smile on my face while closing my eyes. If she remembered everything, she certainly was not paying a lot of attention. “I thought I’d explained it clearly before. Bella, I can’t live in a world where you don’t exist.”

“I am…confused.” She replied. Sometimes Bella could be so…human. I stared deep into chocolate brown eyes, eyes that I used to see such love, such passion, now they were cold, distant and confused. Could she really have believed what I had said in the forest?

“I’m a good liar, Bella. I have to be.” She froze as I said those words. I shook her shoulders, trying to be gentle, attempting to loosen her rigid pose. “Let me finish! I’m a good liar, but still, for you to believe me so quickly. That was…excruciating.” I winced as the memories flooded my mind.

“When we were in the forest, when I was telling you goodbye - You weren’t going to let go,” I whispered. “I could see that. I didn’t want to do it – it felt like it would kill me to do it – but I knew that if I couldn’t convince you that I didn’t love you anymore, it would just take you that much longer to get on with your life. I hoped that, if you thought I’d moved on, so would you.”

“A clean break,” she whispered without moving her lips.

“Exactly. But I never imagined it would be so easy to do! I thought it would be next to impossible – that you would be so sure of the truth that I would have to lie through my teeth for hours to even plant the seed of doubt in your head. I lied, and I’m so sorry – sorry because I hurt you, sorry because it was a worthless effort. Sorry that I couldn’t protect you from what I am. I lied to save you, and it didn’t work. I’m sorry.”

And in the end the one who needed to be saved was me, after all that I put her through, she was the one who rescued me.

“But how could you believe me? After the thousand times I’ve told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me?” Maybe if she hadn’t believed so easily, maybe if she had called my bluff, I would have come to my senses and avoided the worst decision of my life. I would have never left my angel, my Bella, my reason for living this meaningless life.

She didn’t respond.

“I could see it in your eyes, that you honestly believed that I didn’t want you anymore. The most absurd, ridiculous concept – as if there were any other way that I could exist without needing you!”

Still nothing.

She just looked at me with a frozen look of shock on her face. What was she thinking? It felt like I had been talking for hours. I had apologized, I said that I loved her, that I needed her… what more did I need to say! If only I could hear what she was thinking. I shook her shoulders again, beginning to lose my patience…she was still so stubborn.

“Bella,” I sighed. “Really, what are you thinking?!”

And so she started to cry. I panicked, I wanted to leave, and I wanted to hold her in my arms at the same time. I wanted to tell her that everything would be ok, that I was with her now and would never leave her side again- that is, if she still wanted me. Could she still love me after all that I put her through?

“I knew it,” she said in between sobs. “I knew I was dreaming.”

I couldn’t help but laugh a little at my Bella. “You’re impossible. How can I put this so that you’ll believe me? You’re not asleep, and you’re not dead. I’m here, and I love you, I have always loved you, and I will always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was always. When I told you that I didn’t want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy.”

She shook her head while tears streamed down her perfect heart-shaped face. “You don’t believe me, do you?” I whispered. I was running out of ideas to get her to understand me. I began losing hope that she still felt the same way about me “Why can you believe the lie and not the truth?”

“It never made sense for you to love me,” she tried to speak, but her voice kept breaking. “I always knew that.”

My eyes narrowed on her face and my jaw immediately tightened trying to suppress the anger. For a smart woman, Bella could be really stupid and stubborn at times. What did I need to do?! I got lost in her features for a moment; I had missed her so much. If she only knew how much I had missed seeing her face every day, hearing her sweet voice, holding her while she slept; if I could sleep I would have thought that this was a dream as well. That was it!

“I’ll prove that you’re awake,” I caught her face securely between my hands. I needed to show her how much I loved her, show her that I was really here. She struggled, but I was not going to let her interrupt me this time. This time I would get my way. My lips were just half an inch away from her. I could almost taste her scent. I felt my mouth fill with venom, but the desire to feel her soft, warm lips, the urge to feel her body that close to mine was so much stronger than my thirst.