Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Now. As long as I don’t lift anything, slip on anything or try to cook anything…things should start looking up as well- - -

Clinton Kelly (My ever-pragmatic IV): “How do you plan on avoiding all of these things? It’s only the beginning of January, kiddo. You’ll have to eat, you’ll have to leave the house and I don’t think you can milk that back-thing forever…”

Kathryn: “We can alternate between eating sandwiches and cereal. We can have everything delivered. All my work’ll be done via computer and phone and ‘my back-thing’ was most excruciating, thankyouverymuch. I do believe that stress could cause me to relapse…wait, I think I’m feeling a twinge.”

CK: (Rolls baby blues) “This time, you’re buying your own Ben Gay. You may as well pick up some moth balls as well….then I can pretty much guarantee that no-one will come within 20 feet of you, much less ask you to go anywhere near their food.”

K: (Eyes light up)

CK: “I’m kidding. You have to feed da boys sometime….I believe it’s in the parent handbook. And smelling like an old fart is going to make you feel like an old fart. Never underestimate the power of the senses.”

K: “Who are you? The Dalai Lama? Did you catch a whiff of that guy on the A-Train this morning? Phew! I wanted to light a match!”

CK: (Grimaces) “I don’t know which bothers me more…the bad B.O. or the bad B.O. doused with a bottle of Old Spice. Wait. That’s not where I was going with this…”

K: (Confused) “Really? Are you sure? ‘Cause you’ve mentioned that guy several times today. I think we should talk about it.”

CK: (Sighs) “No. What I want is for you to let me make my point.”

K: “So, who’s stopping you? You’re the one who brought up farting, which thereby led to the inevitable stinky-recall of the B.O. guy.”

K: (Stares. Bites bottom lip. Glances around the room. Counts the tiles on the floor. Multiply length times width…carry the seven…add the three. Tries to whistle. Realizes she can no longer whistle. Thinks, “Didn’t I used to know how to whistle? When was the last time I recall being able to whistle? Do people forget how to whistle? Is this an old-age thing? Have I had a mini-stroke and it has permanently prohibited my ability to whistle? Who would I call for this? A neurologist? A speech therapist? My 6th grade music teacher?”)

CK: (Shaking his head…lips pressed tightly together) “Yes, I mentioned the sense of smell. My point was that if you believe you’re getting old, you will act in a more elderly manner. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.”

K: (Squints eyes) “Who said anything about being old? I’m not old. Are you old? Who’s old?? My friends certainly aren’t old. I don’t like where this is going. I think the only thing old around here is…your watch. Now, that is OLD.”

CK: “It’s vintage Cartier. I was talking about your back. You’ve completely taken this out of context. I’m simply pointing out….ya know what? Never mind. We've spent enough time on this."

K: “Oh. Speaking of time...what time is it? Did we eat dinner? I can't remember. Man, I'm getting old."CK: “Oh, for the love of God”

I believe they say the mind is the first to go. Forgetfulness, and all. In that case... 33 is ANCIENT! Hope your back is all better, so you don't have to douse yourself in B.O. in order to keep the (ahem) starving teenagers at bay!

Haha! I'm sure you can forget how to whistle. I have a friend who forgot how to skip. And she was a girl scout... disgusting... Her inability to skip that is. Actually, that same friend was stuck in front of or behind a guy on a four hour bus ride that smelled so badly of B.O. that the whole bus could smell him. Eww.

Lol.. your awesome. I can always count on your for a chuckle. Honest did you honestly count the tiles because me I have a hard time not feeling quiet up with words so I want to know do you really have the power not to speak when someone is waiting? You could possibly become my hero.

The last boring movie i watchedIn btw checking my nails n checking my phone, i thoughtKathryn should have written the dialogue for this movie, it would have been worthwhileur Hilarious!Pls write a book, of u and Ckid love to have that in my bag everytime

uh?..... i get what your coming from weird smells in the room belong to the awards to my dog and brother just the other day he farted and here i thought it was a door squeking haha this is what you get when you all you have is men in the house

Krissi: YES! But it takes tremendous effort...and some serious mindgames...such as: count da tiles (pretending I'm measuring for a new floor) or I'll try to remember all the character's names from M*A*S*H.

Alicia: Yes, ma'am...you got that right. No more achy-breaky backs! I have SO learned my lesson!

ok...so i;m the biggest dumb blonde there is because i JUST realized that IV stands for inner voice..please tell me i;m right. To defend myself i am student a psych one at that so this whole time i kept thinking IV as in independent variable. i kept thinking that that wouldn't make sense because you're not conducting an experiment. but the more i thought about it the more it made sense to me because independent variable is whatever YOU are controlling in the experiment. So if this was an experiment Clinton could be an IV because you ARE controlling him. do i make sense?OH, BTW, you're so not old. you're not past 60 (safe enough number, right? you're nowhere near 60) then we can talk about being old. BUT you're only as old as YOU feel. so numbers don't matter.

Uugghh, I've had my back go out too and it's amazing how we take MOVING for granted. It really gave me a better persective as to why we have handicap parking. When I was hurt it took me forever just to walk in from a parking lot. Get better.

Gropius: "Overpowering perfumes hiding a pre-existing odiferious disaster are sooooo disgusting" HA! I could not have said it better! (You're so eloquent and concise!!)

book*addict: Oh, sweetie! If only I were smart enough to have thought to use Clinton as an "independent variable"....I looove that! It would make me sound so....intelligent and worldly. Of course, you'd be the only reader who would understand what it meant...so I guess I'll stick with "inner voice". And you are far from dumb...for the record, I used to explain each and every time what IV stood for...but after almost 2 years? Nah. Can't be bothered.

Isabella: Thanks, sweetie. I am MUCH better now...and you're so right...you take the simplest tasks (putting on socks & shoes!) for granted.

I totally get the B.O. thing. 2 guys I work with, I swear, do NOT bathe or wash their clothes. We have to make sure to stay away if they are walking past or standing in front of an open window...UGH! The winter is bad enough but when it starts to get warm outside...hoo boy, is it nasty!

Ok, now you do as little as you possibly have to do to get that back feeling better. Moving around a little is ok, but turning, bending & lifting can be hazardous. Be careful! (((HUGS)))

Collete: HA! I've promised myself I'd start doing some serious back-muscle-strengthening exercises...but I haven't quite gotten around to it yet. (Wish I could do them whilst in my computer chair!) I also wish someone could tell your co-workers how bad they smell. Do you really think they don't know??

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welcome!

I'm glad you stopped by. Now that you're here, I hope you'll breathe and reboot. Cocktails are optional, but highly recommended. Not that you need one to find me utterly charming...but it couldn't hurt.So pour yourself a glass of Cloudy, raise it high and send a toast to all of us. I'll try my best to make you smile. But if I fail, just pour yourself another...it's a win/win.