http://www.jewishworldreview.com --
IN AN EFFORT to keep up with the ever changing mores of American society, we turn once
again to our source of infinite information, that bottomless well of wisdom, that knight of
knowledge -- yes, it’s time to ... Ask Mr. Politically Correct Man.

Q: Dear Mr. Politically Correct Man, concerning the presidential candidates Gore,
Bradley, Bush, and McCain, who would you say is the most politically correct?

Mr. PC Man: That’s a trick question and I refuse to answer it. That would be like
asking, “Between Jed Clampett, Li’l Abner and Bill Clinton who’s the biggest hillbilly?”

Q: Dear Mr. Politically Correct Man, I am a white middle-aged man. I really do understand and
appreciate the importance of treating all people with respect and dignity in our society, but
it seems to me that more and more the media is portraying white, middle aged men as either
jerks, stupid, or evil. Why is that?

Mr. PC Man: Listen, I have better things to do than answer stupid questions from evil
jerks like you.

Q: Dear Mr. Politically Correct Man, I own a home in a neighborhood that has a rising
crime rate, dirty streets, boarded-up businesses, and a bad reputation. The property values
are falling throughout the entire neighborhood. Should my neighbors and I petition city hall
to clean up crime and improve the area?

Mr. PC Man: Why bother? All you and your neighbors need to do is petition city hall
for a NAME CHANGE. Lots of communities in Southern California have discovered that the easy
way to hide a “negative” neighborhood is to simply change it’s name to one that SOUNDS better.
For example, a small section of North Hollywood that is adjacent to the well-to-do community of
Toluca Lake has recently changed its address to read “West Toluca Lake.” I don’t know if the
area has improved any, but it sure sounds richer.

Q: Dear Mr. Politically Correct Man, can you give any other examples of things that
have undergone name changes in order to sound better? And did the name change actually help?

Mr. PC Man: Sure. Once upon a time when hobos were called tramps or bums most people
wouldn’t have anything to do with them. Now that they are called “The Homeless” people feel
sorry for them. They have they’re own lobby groups and government spends a fortune feeding,
clothing and building shelters for them.

Also, the term “used car” definitely has a negative connotation, but if it’s called a
“pre-owned car” you might consider buying it. Likewise a “marketing executive” sounds more
trustworthy than a “salesman.” Politicians would rather you thought of them as “public
officials” and the phrase “we need to move on” has become a euphemism for “let’s change the
subject.”

Mr. PC Man: Certainly. If a person is pro-choice it means that person is a beautiful
wonderful human being who is kind and compassionate and in favor of allowing people of all
creeds, colors and ethnicity, the complete freedom to choose whatever they want whenever they
want it -- as long as they don’t choose to be pro-life -- because a person who is pro-life is a
dirt bag.

Any other
questions?

JWR contributor Greg Crosby, former creative head for Walt Disney publications, has written
thousands of comics, hundreds of children's books, dozens of essays, and a
letter to his congressman. You may contact him by clicking here.