"Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, 'I am not a crook.' Jimmy Carter says, 'I have lusted after women in my heart.' President Reagan says, 'I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.'" Art Buchwald

One day the Pope is coming to America in his Limo and he said to the driver, "Why don't you let me drive for ones."The driver thinks to him self, "Well I can't say no to this guy, he's the pope." So the driver pulls over and they change places. The Pope was having fun, hauling butt down the freeway, dogging cars. After a while the driver taps on the window and tells the Pope, "slow down a bit, you might get pulled over." The Pope says, "ahhh, don't worry about it, I'm the Pope." So he rolls up the window and continues to drive very fast. After a few moments he gets pulled over. The cop walks to the car and the Pope rolls down the tinted window. The cop sees the Pope and says, "oh, I, ehhh, sorry, can you hold on a minute."The Pope says, "sure"The cop walks back to his car and radios back to the station. He says, "guys I just pulled over some one really important."They ask who, "The President?.""No more important.""The president of another country.""No more important.""An ambassador.""No even more important.""Well who is it.""I don't know, but the Pope is their chauffeur." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A woman who was rather old-fashioned, delicate, and elegant - especially in her language - was planning a week's vacation in Florida so she wrote to a particular campground and asked for a reservation.

She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped, but didn't quite know how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn't bring herself to write the word "TOILET" in her letter. After much deliberation, she finally came up with the old-fashioned term "BATHROOM COMMODE." But when she wrote that down, she still thought she was being too forward. So, she started all over again, rewrote the letter and referred to the bathroom commode merely as the B.C. "Does the campground have it's own B.C.?" is what she actually wrote.

Well, the campground owner wasn't old-fashioned at all and when he got the letter, he just couldn't figure out what the woman was talking about. That B.C. business really stumped him.

After worrying about it for a while, he showed the letter to several campers, but they couldn't imagine what the lady meant either. So the campground owner, finally coming to the conclusion that the lady must be asking about the location of the local Baptist Church, sat down and wrote the following reply: "Dear Madam: Regret very much in the delay in answering you letter. I now take the pleasure in informing you that a B.C. is located nine miles north of the campground and is capable of seating 250 people atone time. I admit it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of people usually take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive early and stay late."

"The last time my wife and I went was six years ago and it was so crowded that we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that right now, there is a supper being planned to raise money to buy more seats. They're going to hold it in the basement of the B.C."

"I would like to say it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly but it is sure no lack of desire on my part. As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in cold weather."

"If you do decide to come down to our campground, perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you, and introduce you to all the other folks."

"Remember, this is a friendly community." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A state trooper pulled a car over and told the man driving that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone. "I was only going 40!" the driver protested. "Not according to my radar," the trooper said. "Yes, I was!" the man shouted back. "No you weren't!" the trooper said.

With that, the man's wife leaned toward the window and said, "Officer, I should warn you not to argue with my husband when he's been drinking."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A group of friends who went deer hunting separated into pairs for the day. That night, one hunter returned alone, staggering under a hugh buck. "Where's Harry?", asked another hunter.

"He fainted a couple miles up the trail," Harry's partner answered. "You left him lying there alone and carried the deer back?"

"It was a tough decision," said the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Harry."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man sat quietly reading his morning paper one Sunday morning. Suddenly,he is knocked almost senseless by his wife, who stands behind him holdinga frying pan in hand.

Man: "What was that for?"

Wife: "Why do you have a piece of paper in your pocket with "Daisy"written on it?"

Man: "Oh honey, don't you remember two weeks ago when I went to the horseraces? Daisy was the name of the horse I bet on."

The wife was satisfied, and appologized for bonking him.

Three days later he is again sitting reading the paper when once again heis bonked on the head.

Man: "What's that for this time?"

Wife: "Your horse called."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie.

Welcome to mid-week.

I hope you enjoy all of the jokes thoroughly.

I've tested them out personally while on tour doing my stand-up routine.

I'm currently back at home working on my sit-down routine.

Soon, however, I'll be doing active research on my "lay-down" routine.

I'll publish my research results just as soon as I complete my blind study, on my theory that the more I sleep, the more I want to sleep.

Have a happy day.

joe

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"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

Good Morning Joe, Ana, Gimli and Haroua. Joe you are too funny! Ana come keep me company in the naughty corner. Gimli Happy Halloween to you. haroula enjoy your day. Cailyn hope you made it thru the storm okay. Wishing everyone a safe and happy day and Halloween!

Good morning and have a great day Joe, Ana, Gimli, Haroula, Gerry, Gail, Connie, Nan, soot and all who come in after me.

Just popping in for a quick hello this morning, as I'm not feeling the greatest. It's my friend's birthday today, and we were supposed to go out, but she's feeling even worse than I am. So we're going to wait until Saturday and see how we are then.

As for today, I'm going to get some rest, maybe even play some Cognition later.

Today,someone hit an old lady with his car,in frond of us.Me and junior were waiting for the green light.She was trying to cross the road. The driver was talking to his cell-phone The ambulance came...The problem is that junior saw it and he is askingme about it I hope she is ok.

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I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Haroula: that is a sad experience for you and for your son. Guess he has to learn the lesson that live isn't always fair (and that one really shouldn't use the phone while driving!). I hope the old Lady is all right. Hugs

Busy morning. Went to the grocery store then took Cory for a walk. Now lunch is over and Bill has started disconnecting the old dishwasher. New one will be delivered tomorrow. In the meantime, I am getting dishpan hands.

We will be going up to Ginny's house tonight to decorate. Will take some pics, then tomorrow, will be there to get pics as she comes in the door.

Weather is cool but clear with temps going up to the mid 50's. Will grill some steaks out tonight.

I have not had time to play any games, so think I will go play something now.

A great day to everyone.

Bets

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Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.