Take Me Home Tonight Review

Hey Kids. Do you miss the 80’s? Specifically, that ONE NIGHT in 1984 when you just got out of college and you didn’t know what you were going to do with your life so you go to a couple of parties with your high school crush and it ALL BECOMES SO CLEAR? Well, this movie is for you, and you alone. Niche marketed, times 10.

Hey Kids. Do you miss the 80’s? Specifically, that ONE NIGHT in 1984 when you just got out of college and you didn’t know what you were going to do with your life so you go to a couple of parties with your high school crush and it ALL BECOMES SO CLEAR? Well, this movie is for you, and you alone. Niche marketed, times 10.

Spoilers be damned, I must alert everyone to this:

This low budget low laughs “period” piece is a journey of a magical night where a confused Topher Grace finally gets up the nerve to talk to his crush and later, when she gets pissed after he fesses up about working at a video store, his emotional transformation which is exemplified by him rolling in a steel ball down the street and puking UP HIS NOSE!!! YES!! You can read that again.

Apparently, all involved with Take Me Home Tonight really loved the 80’s, a halcyon time in San Fernando Valley when housing prices were sane and your entire high school graduating class still attended the same house party every year after graduation. And do you remember all those awesome Teen movies in 80’s, Fast Times, Say Anything, Etc. Well, so do the filmmakers because they made a EXACT replica; shot for shot, line for line, The film quality looked like they even use leftover film stock from the era.

Nothing seems genuine here, and even the falling-for-you scene on the trampoline is forced. But nothing could be worse than the super unfunny car ride they take together. ” I can tell when you are looking at my boobs” scene which will go down in movie history along with J. Lo monologue about her vagina in Gigli – (That’s right, I just brought out that chestnut!)

The biggest shock is that Topher Exec Produced this! That means he gathered resources to make this movie happen. It is like a really long episode of “That 80’s Show” and it is just about as funny. The only guy to bring it, and get all laughs is Dan Fogler who has the far more interesting story of trying cocaine for the first time going from loser to an ass to emotionally scarred hollow shell.(And that in a nutshell is what cocaine did to everyone I knew.) As an Actor, Dan is about 3 years away from doing the Sam Kinison Bio-Pic, so whoever has that screenplay get it to his people yesterday! He has got the voice timbre, the energy, the anger over top a seed of genuine goodness, and at times seemed like he was channeling Sam’s ghost.

So was Topher’s perception so off that he couldn’t steer this out of the ditch, or is his name tacked on because he had to shell out some finishing cash to get this thing to the screen? Either way, I sure there is a staff change in his future after this.

To make it worse, I didn’t know this was the premiere, and that DID make it way worse. That is when everyone is supposed to laugh at every slightly inane joke, and STILL it was quiet. Ouch! Either marketing didn’t get the memo that this was a comedy or they saw what they had and changed gears mid-stream to call it a character driven period film where you fall in love with Topher’s brand of innocent soft charm or the blond’s spunky no-nonsense attitude as they all admit their fears and face the future together.

–Dean Haglund. GOING home tonight. In a huff.

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Author: Dean Haglund

Dean is probably best known for his nine seasons playing Langly, one of the computer geeks known as “The Lone Gunmen” from the hit FOX TV series The X-Files. He is also a filmmaker, podcaster, writer and painter. www.deanhaglund.com