Monday, November 13, 2006

Stan Speak

I love how Stan (much like this blog) manages to say a lot, but without revealing any actual useful information. Program a few stock buzzword cliches ("fan experience" "improved minor leagues" etc) and toss it between some appositives, mix in some commas, and some happy-sound language, and there ya go. It sounds good, but he's a lawyer at heart. You have to dig deeper to see what he actually means. Thankfully, I've got the StanSpeak Translator handy.

On the upcoming year:But let's be clear. I will never concede that we won't be able to win in 2007. But that doesn't mean that I think we have a chance. We will do all we can...take advantage of any opportunity...to improve the team right now Ha! You thought these clauses were in reference to winning in 2007. Double Ha!. And I think we Me and Mr. Lernerwill really be well positioned in time for the opening of the new ballpark in 2008 to take advantage of (read: line my pocket)the new revenue streams that will be coming. Ka-Ching!

On Radio in DelMarVa:Obviously our focus will be the very best signal in the greater DC area, but we will definitely also be looking into growing our network in order to better serve a much wider regional footprint as well. Don't call us. we'll call you.

On the non-public managerial search and the meddling media:I'm afraid this time it got stranger than usual because we were taking extra care to have some private discussions, and the media is hungry to write something, anything. Why won't they leave me alone? Did they bother Einstein or Mozart? Unfortunately, that resulted in a number of inaccurate reports along the way. Two things to remember; 1) I firmly believe that we can get the best , most candid information by keeping our business dealings private until we have something ready to announce. It's only accurate if it has that StanK-approved Spin.and 2) Some teams hired a manager quite a while ago...and they've had no stories since. We've had numerous stories every day for a month. Please don't point out how two sentences ago I was decrying the irresponsible media for their shoddy stories-at-all-costs lying ways, and now am praising them for their relentless coverage. All coverage is good coverage except when I don't like the coverage.

On the reasons for Tom Pacoriek's dismissal:I know Tom has a lot of loyal fans, and deservedly so. You fool some of the people all the time. He has a very unique stylewhich sucks. As we build this franchise up , we are dedicated to looking at all aspects of the operation and making changes in any area where we think we can make improvements. I hope , and expect, that you will enjoy next season'e broadcasts even more than in the past, even though I didn't actually answer your question..

Regarding his star outfielder:It's true that we took a hard look at trading Alphonso last July. I can't even be bothered to learn his fargin' name.

On Whether They've Planned A Frank Robinson Day:The whole front office is consumed with planning for next season , both on and off the field. And as we have said, we definitely plan to have a formal Frank Robinson Day. No details yet, but we'll be letting everyone know.No, and go Feck yourself.

On ticket relocation and Nats Batting Practice:our goal is to get everyone as close as possible to where they are now, and where the ticket prices are highest.

And on batting practice,we will definitely be doing that in 2007...for at least some games. We have technical difficulties at RFk that make doing it for all games a problem(read: Aramark sucks), but I hope to have the new ballpark in 2008 open for fans with bulging walletsto attend batting practice EVERY GAMEso that they come early and spend, spend, spend inside the stadium instead of that dopey ballpark village.

On a long rant that sounds like it could've been written by me were I drunk. (And why am I not drunk yet?):Whoa. That was an awful lot of assumptions in one paragraph.So I won't respond to any of them, because a good lawyer knows that to admit to one part of a question, you're giving credence to the rest. And, man, that's a funky rant. So, here's some buzzwords. Someone in the ticket office wrote them for the back of a brochure:I have a very strong belief that we are on track, and actually ahead of our timetable, to be not just very good , but very good over a long period of time. And I think the fan reaction so far suggests that most people agree. We have a very good young nucleus, a growing player development system, and great ownership support. Those are the elements that any team needs to succeed. It's obvious you're a fan. When we do succeed, you know you'll want to be here. So stay on board. You won't regret it.

On what's good about the new stadium:The new stadium will be able to reach out to fans in ways that are simply not possible at RFK. Spend money! If you just enjoy watching the game , we'll have grerat seats and sightlinesThey're reasonably priced!, and a fantastic set of video and information boardsKids love the video boards!. However , if you're on of those people who like to have other entertainmentBecause baseball is a boring, boring game, and we're going to be losing a lot for the next few years, we'll have something for everyoneat a reasonable price. Fan gathering areas standing room tickets, live performances Eddie Money, novelties Spend Money!, games Spend Money! , kid's areas Spend Money!, many, many diferent kinds of bars Spend Money!and restaurants Spend Money!. There will be things to do such as spending money,and reasone to come to the park early, like spending money. And yes, watch B. P, while spending money.

On how the Tigers approach to Free Agency might mean that signing Soriano would be prudent for the Nats:As we've said from the start, we love Alphonso Or whatever the hell his name isand we would love to sign himfor one year on a personal services contract. But we will only do so , if it can be done in a way that allows us to continue to build a successful franchiseEat it, Fanboy. Having one great player, at the expense of all the other things we need (I hope nobody notices that 'things' doesn't necessarily refer to free agent major-league pitching) wouldn't make much sense. Having said that, let's wait and see what happens. This time of year is very unpredictable. And I need time to find some circuses to divert your attention from the bread shortage.

On how bright the future is:But number two, I now believe we can get where we're going sooner that I thought before I came. That's becaus of all that has been accomplished since June. From the draft, to the new Dominican efforts, to the Kearns/Lopez trade, to then infusion of over a dozen young arms this off-season... Chris Michalak is only 36. He's younger than me.