I love you without knowing
how, or when or from where.
I love you straightforwardly,
without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know
no other way than this:
where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand
on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

Remember your first crush? Think about that very first object of your affection. Oh, the sweaty palms. The swoony feeling in your stomach. Tell us the story of your first crush. What was it about this person that made your heart pound? Was the love requited? Change the names to protect the guilty or innocent if you must! No judgement here. Happy Valentine’s Day!

He wasn’t my first crush, but he was probably the only one to turn me into a puddle of my own mess. Reliving those college days again…

A typical ordinary day ’twas.
The economics lecture dull and dreary,
Cramped in the small classroom
lost in daydreams of the lecture ending,
I was jolted out of the dream as he swept into the class.
Swept in with the typical swag of a TY in Xavier’s
A small announcement is all he made.
Not peaking my interest, to the dreams I went back,
But taking notice of his resemblance to a cute Step Up actor.
Before that to me he didn’t exist,
After that he was all over everywhere.

You didn’t know how much you helped brighten my day,
one glance at you and I’d be wherever you are.
Maybe talking on the phone, sipping iced tea or talking to a friend on the shadowy landing of a stairway.
Oh, we were as subtle as an elephant in the kitchen,
No one could ever have suspected the shenanigans we were up to.
A giddy giggling mess you turned me into,
Eyes bright, cheeks red and a huge grin on my face.
Heady and intoxicated,
So much so that my friends pretended to not know me,
but what did I care?
I was on nothing less than cloud nine.
With you around, a constant high was all I had
Wherein ‘Excuse Me’ would have become an actual conversation we shared.
But aah, if only!
The giggling mess that I was, the moment we could’ve had lost,
My friend doing the honour instead.
But could you blame me?

He played the guitar; I always had a thing for musicians,
He loves Coldplay; so do I,
Bad English I couldn’t bear; so of course impeccable language skills he had,
He may have been cute but one of the few who was actually nice as a person.
Trust my luck to find the perfect guy but not be able to do anything about it!
Endless hour after hour I’d spend on FaceBook; Thank god for technology!
Just to be in the loop about you.
And the more I read and the more I saw,
The harder I fell.

A simple conversation back then, I would’ve died for
But alas! Fate was never in my favour.
Soon came the day when I’d see you no more,
A pretty Cambridge lass I’m sure taking off from where I left off.
Dark, brooding, stormy grey clouds settled down in my heart.
But time was all I needed, to part.
As I grew up and forgot about the incessant obsession I once had,
Fate came calling.
There I was, my phone in hand, his number stored in my phone.
Staring at the screen for a full minute before I finally gathered the nerve to hit ‘call’.
An invitation I had to give, to an event organized by us,
He needed to come judge.
Ah, you were as sweet as people made you out to be,
As polite as one could be.
The loud beating of my heart and the blood rushing to my ears
No more did that exist.
But a serene smile;
a memory that would last me a lifetime.
Two years later, a dream fulfilled,
A shared conversation and the knowledge of my name,
Is all, what we both took away.

Today is your lucky day. You get three wishes, granted to you by The Daily Post. What are your three wishes and why?

If only we could get wishes like these granted to us. If I were given three wishes I would undoubtedly wish for:

Be the proud owner of as many Jimmy Choos, Manolo Blahniks, Christian Louboutins as I could own. I am, after all, a girl and no girl can have too many shoes. Ever.

I wish I could spend a lifetime in 19th century England as Mr.s Darcy. What with the corsets and their seasons and the ton and the endless partying and being the wife of the dreamy Mr. Darcy, who wouldn’t want to?

If only there was an alternate magical universe where magic existed and I was a witch attending the Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Because magic would make life so much easier. I mean one spell and your favourite ornament would be fixed, one spell and you have perfect shining teeth, one simple spell and your nemesis has enticing tentacles all of a sudden! Who wouldn’t want that?!

She stood waiting at the door; hand quivering; grasping the door-frame. A single tear slid down her hollow cheeks. He had promised. He had held her tight in his arms and promised her, pressing a tender kiss to her forehead. Another tear slid down her face. But promises were meant to be broken, weren’t they? A steady stream of tears now slid down her face. She slowly loosened her grip from the doorway and took one painstaking step into the room. One foot in front of the other; she persevered till she reached her destination. The short walk finally broke the last thread holding her together. She collapsed against the bed as sobs racked her frail body.

She could still remember that day as clear as a crystal.

‘The sun was bright and it was a lovely spring day, the kind that makes you want to spend it skipping in a lovely meadow full of the fragrance of Frangipani. They were curled together in her backyard her head burrowed in the crook of his neck as the gentle breeze washed over them. Eyes closed, both of them with serene smiles on their faces were enjoying a quiet, peaceful afternoon together.“I love you” he whispered to her. She slowly opened her eyes and gazed into his hazel ones. “I love you, more than you can imagine” she murmured. He rolled them over till the length of his body covered her fragile, petite one and tenderly touched his lips to hers. Just a fleeting, teasing touch, leaving her wanting more. He slowly trailed kisses down her jaw and then her neck. She closed her eyes in ecstasy and sighed.
“I’m scared.” She hadn’t meant to say it out loud and it was barely audible to her own ears but he heard it all the same. He paused and looked up at her. “What is it?” he asked, his tone laced with concern. She tried to play it off as being nothing, that it was silly and she was just over thinking like she was wont to do. But he was persistent and she relented. “It…it just seems like..like everyone I love is snatched away from me. First grams, then mum and then dad. I have no one left except you and I just couldn’t bear it if anything happened to you!” Her body shuddered of its own accord and she squeezed her eyes shut tight. Just the thought of losing him was unbearably painful. “Oh honey,” he had whispered “I’m not going anywhere, love; you’re stuck with me whether you like it or not” he had said with a small grin on his face. He tucked a loose tendril of her hair behind her ear and kissed her forehead. He looked down and clasped her hand in his; they were a perfect fit. He looked straight into her dark eyes and promised, “You’ll always find me here, right next to you and with you. Always.” “You promise?” she had asked. “I promise.” And he sealed his promise with a heart stopping kiss. They spent the rest of the afternoon curled up together.

But promises were made only to be broken. ‘Always‘ he had said, she remembered as she jerked out of that memory. Her sobs were now heart wrenching, emerging straight from the gut. This wasn’t supposed to happen to them. They were supposed to have a long life together, have children together, grow old together. He wasn’t supposed to fall ill, he wasn’t supposed to leave her alone and go on ahead. He had promised.

She clenched his hand in hers one last time, crouched against his bed; her head resting on his chest, marveling at the perfect fit that had been. She stayed that way till gentle arms wrapped around her and pulled her away. She had no fight left in her anymore. Her parents death had shattered her, but his death had stolen her soul away with him.

She was hollow, limp, numb. She couldn’t feel anything anymore. She didn’t want to feel anything ever again. Empty.
His sister was just as shattered as she was. He was her only brother after all. But she was stronger than her. She still had some fight left in her. She helped her dress in a simple black dress, The funeral was to be held today. At the same church where she had envisioned having a wedding. Marrying him. But she could feel pain no more. They slowly made their way through the service. It was all a blur. All she could remember was seeing his pale, still body in the mahogany casket one last time, before it was lowered in the ground. The image burned in her lids; truly the last memory of his that would haunt her for the rest of her life. The ghostly pale face of one she had loved dearly, loved more than she did herself, the one she would always love.

It was only when the casket was buried in the ground and the funeral service was over that she felt again. She felt shards of glass piecing her heart. She was bleeding from the inside, bleeding black. And there was no one left to fix her bleeding heart, no one left at all.

She stood at the altar all alone and looked back. She could see a breathtakingly beautiful woman wearing a gorgeous wedding gown slowly make her way towards her. She had a brilliant smile on her face. As she drew closer to her she looked familiar, she looked like someone she knew. She looked…she looked like her. With another stab to her heart she turned around slowly. There he was looking handsome in his black tux grinning lovingly at his wife-to-be. Another stab to her heart, and she whipped back around but all she could see was the desolate, dark empty archway of the church, black as coal looming ahead, the mirage gone, bringing with it another wave of despair. It was dark and empty ahead. But life had to go on.

She closed her eyes and took one painful step after another until the darkness engulfed her. It may be a long, winding way but sunshine waited for her at the other end. No matter how long she took to get out, she would always find the sunshine waiting for her at the other end.