Legal humor. Seriously.

August 09, 2013

Bill Would Protect Students' Right to Carry Pastry Guns (Updated)

Seems like there should be some bipartisan support for this one, but it doesn't seem to be moving forward.

In July, U.S. Rep. Steve Stockman (R-Tex.) introduced a bill that would cut off federal funds to any school that punishes a child on imaginary-gun-related charges, citing a variety of recent incidents of that kind. "Something must be done to restore sanity to the schoolroom," Stockman said, and while Congress really is not the prime candidate for doing that in schools or anywhere else, it is nice that somebody is at least pretending to do something.

(a) No funds appropriated pursuant to any provisions of law may be used for any educational institution which punishes a student as a result of any of the following actions by the student:

(1) brandishing a pastry or other food which is partially consumed in such a way that the remnant resembles a gun;

(2) possession of a toy gun which is two inches or less [in length];

(3) possession of a toy gun made of plastic snap together building blocks;

(4) using a finger or hand to simulate a gun;

(5) vocalizing imaginary firearms or munitions;

(6) wearing a T-shirt that supports Second Amendment rights;

(7) drawing a picture of, or possessing an image of, a firearm; or

(8) using a pencil, pen or other writing utensil to simulate a firearm.

As the general subject matter and especially item #6 might suggest, in addition to being concerned about sanity in the schoolroom Rep. Stockman is a strong supporter of gun rights. In fact, of the 11 bills he has introduced since he became a Congressman, seven of them have something to do with the latter issue.

That includes the "Save Endangered Species Act of 2013," which despite its name would require an exception to the actual Endangered Species Act so that three endangered species could be hunted. The argument is that these species are only endangered overseas and are "flourishing" in Texas; fine, but the name is still pretty remarkable.

Anyway, nothing wrong with supporting gun rights, in my view, but personally I think it's enough to wear the Team Sanity t-shirt to this rally. I've already written about (among others) the pastry-gun and Lego-gun (or "plastic-snap-together-building-blocks-gun") incidents; the pastry-gun incident was dumb enough to getthreeposts. Cutting off federal funds might be a bit of an overreaction in the other direction, but again: somebody please do something.

Update: The flickr account linked above has a number of other pastry-gun-related photos, as well as a lot of other good stuff. The kit shown in the picture appears to be for a .45-caliber Pop-Tart gun, but there's one that looks like a Beretta too. Both look pretty tasty.