In The Essence of St Valentine

Posted: 14/02/2014 by
Cox Purtell

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string(5715) "In keeping with the essence of St Valentine’s Day, this blog entry had to be about love!
I’m not really one to read those love and relationship self-helpers (the Five Love Languages, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus etc.) so it was with some trepidation when I was persuaded (see: made) to read The Mating Game by Pamela C Regan. To be fair, it’s not a bad book – Regan is a professor of psychology and the book claims to be a “comprehensive, multidisciplinary, introductory text about human mating relationships.”
If this is your kind of thing, give it a go. It’s well written and covers a range of topics including attraction, courtship, conflict and dissolution. Thinking back to The Mating Game, I did wonder if any of the principles of the book applied to creating and preserving a more harmonious workplace. I think they do. And no, I’m not talking about office romances!
I won’t list everything covered in the book but here are a few of Regan’s thoughts and how I think they can be applied to making the office a more enjoyable place:
The more satisfied and invested in a relationship, and the lower the perceived quality of the alternatives, the stronger the commitment people have to their current relationship (as Interdependence Theory suggests).
This one is a no brainer. Staff retention is a major concern for most employers. Employees can be a demanding bunch at times (I know) however if a concerted effort is made to satisfy their growth potential, career development and general job satisfaction, the need for them to look for alternative jobs is considerably reduced.
Men and women tend to marry spouses who resemble themselves in a number of ways.
Obviously, diversity in the office is important but it’s equally important to hire people who have similar goals and ethics. Here at Cox Purtell, we often talk about being on “the journey” together. The same goes for employees. I often hear feedback from candidates that their reason for looking for a new role is that they are unhappy with the company’s culture. More often than not, what that means is the culture doesn’t resemble their personality.
Love and affection have become the primary basis for marriage (rather than economic security or reproduction etc.) in modern Western societies. Only 45 years ago (1967), 35% of men and 76% of women would have married somebody who they did not love but who had all the other qualities they desired in a spouse according to one study. In 1986, the same question was asked, and only 14% of men and 20% of women would have married in the same circumstances.
Job seekers are more particular than ever, when assessing career opportunities. With that in mind, it’s important to consider why they should choose you over your competitor. Candidates tend to take jobs for tangible things like salary, career growth, location etc. They stay because they love their job.
To resolve conflict: communicate opinions, positions and wants openly and honestly; focus on the issue; attempt to understand the other person’s perspective; be positive and suppress negative feelings and expressions; make the goal to reach an equitable solution, not win — be willing to compromise and negotiate.
This one sounds like it came straight out of a Human Resources manual! Conflict in the workplace is inevitable. It is how those involved (including Managers) reconcile these differences that determine ongoing workplace satisfaction. Honesty and a solution are the keys to confliction resolution.
Four behaviours that are particularly corrosive to marital happiness: criticism (not just complaints, typically including generalisation); contempt (statements intended to directly insult the partner, or body language to communicate a lack of respect); defensiveness (denying responsibility, making excuses, and cross-complaining); withdrawal/stonewalling.
Or work happiness. Employees have a responsibility to treat their colleagues with respect. Employers have a responsibility to stamp out corrosive behaviours in the office.
Men and women communicate differently: Women prefer discussing feelings and personal issues, while men prefer discussing impersonal topics (sport, politics etc.); women enjoy sharing details of their daily lives, while men prefer discussing big events; women value talking about the state and internal dynamics of their romantic relationships more than men; women engage in more conversational maintenance (invite others to speak, ask questions, encourage elaboration, respond to statements etc.) than men.
I’m not sure I agree with all of that but I think it is important to understand that everyone communicates differently. A harmonious office recognises this and embraces it.
There are many ways to respond to somebody’s problem: give advice; express sympathy; ask questions; offer help; minimise situation (it’s not that bad); affirm/encourage the other person (you’ll do great); share a similar problem; assign blame (you should have seen it coming).
A small amount of positive affirmation goes a long way in building strong work relationships with your peers.
I could go on because the more I went back through the book, the more I read that could be attributed to both personal and professional happiness.
Hopefully you learned a thing or two about work culture………and love!
Cox Purtell Recruitment Agency Blog / Sydney / Melbourne / Adelaide"
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In keeping with the essence of St Valentine’s Day, this blog entry had to be about love!

I’m not really one to read those love and relationship self-helpers (the Five Love Languages, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus etc.) so it was with some trepidation when I was persuaded (see: made) to read The Mating Game by Pamela C Regan. To be fair, it’s not a bad book – Regan is a professor of psychology and the book claims to be a “comprehensive, multidisciplinary, introductory text about human mating relationships.”

If this is your kind of thing, give it a go. It’s well written and covers a range of topics including attraction, courtship, conflict and dissolution. Thinking back to The Mating Game, I did wonder if any of the principles of the book applied to creating and preserving a more harmonious workplace. I think they do. And no, I’m not talking about office romances!

I won’t list everything covered in the book but here are a few of Regan’s thoughts and how I think they can be applied to making the office a more enjoyable place:

The more satisfied and invested in a relationship, and the lower the perceived quality of the alternatives, the stronger the commitment people have to their current relationship (as Interdependence Theory suggests).

This one is a no brainer. Staff retention is a major concern for most employers. Employees can be a demanding bunch at times (I know) however if a concerted effort is made to satisfy their growth potential, career development and general job satisfaction, the need for them to look for alternative jobs is considerably reduced.

Men and women tend to marry spouses who resemble themselves in a number of ways.

Obviously, diversity in the office is important but it’s equally important to hire people who have similar goals and ethics. Here at Cox Purtell, we often talk about being on “the journey” together. The same goes for employees. I often hear feedback from candidates that their reason for looking for a new role is that they are unhappy with the company’s culture. More often than not, what that means is the culture doesn’t resemble their personality.

Love and affection have become the primary basis for marriage (rather than economic security or reproduction etc.) in modern Western societies. Only 45 years ago (1967), 35% of men and 76% of women would have married somebody who they did not love but who had all the other qualities they desired in a spouse according to one study. In 1986, the same question was asked, and only 14% of men and 20% of women would have married in the same circumstances.

Job seekers are more particular than ever, when assessing career opportunities. With that in mind, it’s important to consider why they should choose you over your competitor. Candidates tend to take jobs for tangible things like salary, career growth, location etc. They stay because they love their job.

To resolve conflict: communicate opinions, positions and wants openly and honestly; focus on the issue; attempt to understand the other person’s perspective; be positive and suppress negative feelings and expressions; make the goal to reach an equitable solution, not win — be willing to compromise and negotiate.

This one sounds like it came straight out of a Human Resources manual! Conflict in the workplace is inevitable. It is how those involved (including Managers) reconcile these differences that determine ongoing workplace satisfaction. Honesty and a solution are the keys to confliction resolution.

Four behaviours that are particularly corrosive to marital happiness: criticism (not just complaints, typically including generalisation); contempt (statements intended to directly insult the partner, or body language to communicate a lack of respect); defensiveness (denying responsibility, making excuses, and cross-complaining); withdrawal/stonewalling.

Or work happiness. Employees have a responsibility to treat their colleagues with respect. Employers have a responsibility to stamp out corrosive behaviours in the office.

Men and women communicate differently: Women prefer discussing feelings and personal issues, while men prefer discussing impersonal topics (sport, politics etc.); women enjoy sharing details of their daily lives, while men prefer discussing big events; women value talking about the state and internal dynamics of their romantic relationships more than men; women engage in more conversational maintenance (invite others to speak, ask questions, encourage elaboration, respond to statements etc.) than men.

I’m not sure I agree with all of that but I think it is important to understand that everyone communicates differently. A harmonious office recognises this and embraces it.

There are many ways to respond to somebody’s problem: give advice; express sympathy; ask questions; offer help; minimise situation (it’s not that bad); affirm/encourage the other person (you’ll do great); share a similar problem; assign blame (you should have seen it coming).

A small amount of positive affirmation goes a long way in building strong work relationships with your peers.

I could go on because the more I went back through the book, the more I read that could be attributed to both personal and professional happiness.