Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Jessi and I went out to eat with Jerrod and Jifer tonight. They flew into Seattle to visit Jifer's brother, and then they head off to Yakima--but we got to see them first!

And let me just say this--it was wonderful. Oh MAN it was wonderful. They're just one of those couples that fills you up with laughter and warmness--leaving you with hurting cheeks and a lighter heart. I'm serious. I was flying high with joy for a good half hour after we dropped them off. I don't know exactly what it was about that visit, but I haven't laughed that hard or felt that much warmth in my heart for awhile now.

I just love it when you can tell, you know? When you can tell that this is right and they are the ones who can make each other more happy than anyone else in the world. They are just so dang happy! And I love it! I love what I see Jifer doing in Jerrod and Jerrod doing in Jifer. They just refine each other and compliment each other and make each other into absolutely more whole people. And that's how it's supposed to be--two good people coming together to make an even BETTER person.

Someday, I want that. I want people to leave my husband and I with hurting cheeks and full hearts. I want them to feel uplifted, cared for, and like they have just experienced something raw and good. I want them to feel free to be themselves when they're with us, cause we're sure as hell going to be ourselves. And I want us to be solid. Oh man do I want us to be solid. I want to be a couple with wisdom to share, but a transparency that says, "Sometimes we suck at it too." This is what I want--someday.

In the mean time I'll just be so happy for people that are having their turn at it. Jifer and Jerrod are one such couple--and hot DANG am I happy for them!

Monday, April 18, 2011

Every morning I come to my cubicle, start my computer, grab my licorice tea, and head for the coffee station. I refuse to get addicted to coffee in this job--but MAN I can see how people do. On those mornings when you really didn't want to wake up, and you really didn't want to take a shower, and you really didn't want to drive in to work, you just gotta have something that says "Yes, I can move forward with this day." So, that's what my tea does. And I've recently noticed that each tea bag comes with a nice little saying on its tag. Today it tells me that "I am beautiful, I am bountiful, I am blissful." I'm not exactly sure what it feels like to be bountiful, but apparently I am that, today.

My favorite phrase, thus far, was one that gave me a nice little nugget to reflect on for the day. It said, "May your mind learn to love with compassion." May your MIND learn to love...

I'm not good at that. My MIND isn't good at that. From where I'm standing in my own shoes, YOUR shoes don't look battered enough to pardon you from your behavior, actions or short comings. But then I look down and realize that my shoe laces are untied and they smell like I have been running in them for years with no socks (ahem, emily), and I STILL have no excuse. My point is, I'm not good at being compassionate when I think that people know better or should be DOING better--and that's just not the right way to look at things. I get MIND compassion every day from Jessi, and my boss, and my coworkers, and my friends that I don't communicate with, and the people that I am SO BLUNT to--and so why shouldn't I be giving my compassion away more freely?

"May your MIND learn to love with compassion."

Why thank you, Yogi tea, I appreciate the encouragement. I hope it does too.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

I went to Yakima to visit my family after work on Friday. It was a short trip--less than 24 hours--but so needed. My niece is growing up so fast. Her hands are bigger and she jabbers all the time. Instead of "auntie" I am "daudie" and instead of "yeehaw!" she yells "hawyee!". And I love it.

You know what's beautiful about children? They make people smile a lot. There were times when we'd just sit and watch her dance around and laugh at herself--and we'd all just be smiling from ear to ear. We need that, you know. Life is hard and heavy and full of the unexpected (which should be expected by now, I suppose) and sometimes we just freaking need to smile and love the face of innocence.

I got pulled over on my way out of Yakima yesterday. I saw the lights as I hung up my phone. Busted. I have always joked that I'd believe that the "no cell phones while driving law" is a law when I actually got pulled over for it--well, turns out it's actually a law. The nice man told me that I was going 15 over and, did I know that I can't talk on the phone while driving? Yes, yes I did [insert lots of humility and apologizing]. After taking my information he came back and told me that my driving record was good and that he wasn't going to mess it up today, and then proceeded to give me a nice fatherly warning about the wrongs I had done and why I should no longer do them.

I drove away feeling overwhelmed with the grace. It's funny because it really did affect me. I was just so grateful. And you know what? I had been planning on catching up with friends the whole 2 hour drive home, but I didn't at all because, well, he had told me not to. I'm not sure what I would have done if he had given me a ticket. I might have actually talked on the phone, as funny as that sounds.

I've been pulled over 5 times in my life and only gotten a ticket once. I was in Oregon. Stupid Oregon. But don't worry, I got mine. Last night I got a parking ticket from a really grumpy woman who wouldn't just let me move my car. "You can move your car after I give you a ticket," she said as she began writing. She was pretty pissed--about life in general, I think. But, it's ok, I knew what I was doing when I parked--and sometimes you learn lessons the suckier way. And now I am $42 wiser.