As your toddler grows, she'll learn to do more things for herself, whether it's taking off her vest, or pouring her own bowl of cereal in the morning.

Watching this growing independence is bound to be bittersweet for you as a parent. But learning to take care of herself is an important and exciting part of your toddler's personal and social development.

When will my toddler start to do things for herself?

Your toddler will probably start to show signs of self-care by the time she's about 12 months. Advances will then come fast and furiously by about 18 months, and she'll probably have mastered these basics of self-care by the time she's four:

However, your child will still need lots of help and attention from you for quite a few years yet.

How does self-care develop?

You'll see the first signs of your toddler taking care of herself once she is about a year old. By then, your baby will begin to understand how objects relate to one another, and will start to use them for the task they were designed for.

So she'll learn that drums are for banging on, toy cars are for pushing, and a tower of bricks is for knocking over (Einon 2006, Herbert and Pascalis 2007).

Between 12 months and 15 months she should be able to drink from an adult a cup, with a bit of help (Einon 2006, Sheridan 2008). She may also start to hold out her arm or leg to help you to dress her (Einon 2006, Sheridan 2008).

Your toddler will really start to develop a sense of self in the first few months after her first birthday. At about 18 months she'll add language to her play, such as adding commentary while she "feeds" her teddy, or chattering away on her toy phone (DH 2009).

By 21 months, she'll recognise herself in the mirror and won't assume it's another toddler (Einon 2006). This is about when she'll probably go through a period of saying "no" quite adamantly as a way of asserting her new sense of self. And as her self-awareness increases, so will her achievements in self-care.

When will she be able to feed herself?

If she has the chance to practise self-feeding, she'll have worked out how to use a spoon by 18 months, though she'll still also love playing with her food and using her fingers (Einon 2006, Sheridan 2008). By the time she's two-and-a-half, she'll probably be able to use a fork as well as a spoon (Sheridan 2008).

At four years or five years, your child will probably be able to hold her utensils nearly as well as an adult would (NHS 2011). So spreading her toast with jam and butter will be easily achievable (Einon 2006).

When will she be able to dress and undress herself?

Expect some naked-toddler chase sessions, but taking off her own clothes is a key accomplishment for any toddler. She'll be able to take off easily removed clothes such as loose socks when she's between 12 months and 15 months (DH 2009, NHS 2011). She'll be able to remove trickier items such as her vest by the time she's about 21 months (Einon 2006).

She'll be able to put on a cap and a pair of slip-on shoes by the time she's two. But she probably won't be able to get dressed by herself until she is about four years (Sheridan 2008). And even at four years, she'll probably still struggle with zips, laces, ties and back buttons (Sheridan 2008), and will need your help.

When will she be able to clean her own teeth?

She may start wanting to help you to brush her teeth as early as 16 months. Though she's more likely to clamp the toothbrush in her mouth and strongly resist your help. She won't be able to brush her teeth on her own until she's between three years and four years (Sheridan 2008). You'll need to help and supervise her until she's at least seven years.

What about handwashing and potty training?

Handwashing as a skill develops between 18 months and four years. By the time your child is three, she'll be able to wash her hands on her own. But she'll still need your help with drying until she's about four years (Sheridan 2008). Teach your child how to wash and dry her hands properly at the same time that she learns to use the toilet or potty.

Most children aren't physically ready to start potty training until they're about 24 months. Some won't be ready to begin for as much as a year or more after that (NHS 2011).

Two key signs of readiness include being able to pull her pants up and down and knowing when she has to go before it happens (NHS 2011). Most toddlers can pull down their pants by themselves by the time they're two-and-a-half years. But they may not be as good at pulling them back up again (Sheridan 2008)!

How can I encourage her?

Whenever your child tries her hand at a new skill, whether she succeeds or not, tell her you're proud she made the effort. It's important that you urge her to try again.

Try not to step in too quickly to help, as she needs to have enough time to manage these things on her own, at her own pace. Don't pressure her before she's ready, and be flexible. If getting dressed on her own means she wears an old pink T-shirt, bright red skirt and yellow tights for a week or so, that's fine. The more she practises, the better she'll become.

As your toddler experiments with doing things on her own, watch her closely. Set limits and explain them. Tell her why it's not safe for her turn on the oven by herself, or to slice her own bread, just yet. She probably won't be very happy about it, but she'll soon get the idea.

When should I worry?

Try not to become anxious about your child's development. Children develop skills differently, and some master certain tasks more quickly than others. Girls do tend to reach self-care milestones a little earlier than boys (Einon 2006).

But if your child hasn't shown interest in doing anything for herself by the time she's two years, tell your doctor or paediatrician at her next appointment. Keep in mind that if your baby was premature, she may take a bit longer to reach her milestones than her friends.

What are other toddlers learning? Check with their mums in our Toddler group!

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