This beautiful piece by a devoted PMA International member and Hero Protective Mom, expresses what we all feel in an eloquent manner. It is a re blog and worth repeating .

No parent who loves their child, who wants to be with their child, who isn’t a threat to their child, who never abused their child, nor intentionally harmed them, should have their child ripped from them senselessly, unjustly, and to be then alienated from their child, in some cases, so severely, as though they have died, and to be left with having to beg for any knowledge or glimpse of their child, hoping and waiting on any scraps that *might* be tossed their way.

I am one mother who is exhausted from trying to cope with the knowledge that there are people so evil who carry out such cruel, evil injustice, and from having to implore the takers, the hostage holders, and their cohorts and other connected persons, of my own child, for something, anything, because something, anything, no matter how minuscule, is better than nothing at all. Facing more often than not, the abject rejection, of denial, so often given, with utter silence.

“Finding Dory” (2016, Pixar) is a touching animated movie about a fish named Dory who gets separated from her parents at a young age, and goes on a journey in search of them. Guiding Dory are the memories she has held onto all of her life. Since Dory suffers from “short term remembery loss” she is guided by only glimpses of her past, and along with it, the sense of home, and feeling of belonging.

Years pass. Dory meets new friends, including a quirky fish named Nemo, that become like family. One day, Dory’s memory gets triggered, and she is compelled to find her lost family.When Dory was young, her parents set out a trail of purple shells to teach her how to find her way back home, she follows it. So Dory sets off on an epic journey to find her parents.

Dory’s parents spent years forming trails for her to follow – up and down valleys, across distances and through the dark currents of the ocean, in the hopes that she would eventually find them.

“Finding Dory” offers a powerful message for Protective Mothers separated from their children that is familiar to those who have experienced this particular kind of pain, grief and loss.

And for children separated from their mothers, what Dory felt may also be familiar – missing family, fear of rejection and the emotional experience of trying to piece together memories.

The purple shells are what connect Dory to her parents, and trigger the memories that eventually lead her home. The tiny shells are unremarkable in the vastness of the ocean. At times the sandy floor washes over them, and they disappear. But Dory is not alone, with the support of her friends, she finds her way.

What are your purple shells? Each parent and child has something special or shares something that links them together. It could be a physical or emotional reminder. A trinket, photograph, a prayer or special song, a drawing or toy etc

You can also create “purple shells” to honor your parent/child or to preserve special memories. Some ideas: scrap booking, releasing balloons on special occasions, lighting a candle, spiritual celebration, talking with friends/family, writing a letter etc.

Create a Path in the ways you can. Find creative ways to connect to or reach out to your parent/child if possible. Use your shells to bridge the distance. Seek support to help cope with the loss or grief.

Another message in “Finding Dory” is that Dory, and her parents, never gave up hope. The love they have for each other is unconditional. For those mothers/children who are estranged from each other, and have no contact or communication, there is a value in hope. And value in holding onto the love you share. Through love, we maintain our “purple shells”, our connection to our family – and it does not diminish with time or distance.

Also, when Dory was separated from her parents she found other ways to express her energy and love, and was able to channel her loss in a positive direction. You see that especially in her unique optimism, and her loyalty to friends. Though a loss of a parent/child can never be replaced, we can channel the expression of our love, and what that person meant to us, in other areas of our life. Or use that love to make a positive difference in the world. Some ideas: volunteer, be a friend, participate in community groups/activities, do something in memory of your loved one, fight for a cause, raise awareness, join a prayer chain etc

To my little birds, for whom I will forever ache, missing under my wings since 12/13/2012…

Gone, but always on my mind and in the hole in my heart that can only be filled by you,

A, R, R, Z. You are forever in my prayers and thoughts.

My hope is that you are truly happy, genuinely allowed to enjoy your childhood, and that you do not suffer paralyzing grief because of our separation.

I hold hope in my heart that one day we can sweep up the pieces, laugh and cry about all we have lost/missed, and can never again be forcibly kept apart.

This poem is by Emily Dickinson…and is my dreaded, daily reminder of you, my sweet Angelbabies…love you to the moon and back, more than ice cream, and forever and always…

“Quite empty, quite at rest, The Robin locks her Nest, and tries her Wings. She does not know a Route But puts her Craft about For rumored Springs She does not ask for Noon She does not ask for Boon, Crumbless and homeless, of but one request The Birds she lost.”

“Photograph” by Ed Sheeran is a heartfelt song that talks about the pain of being away from someone that you love. The “photograph” has a double meaning – it is a snap shot of a precious moment spent together, but it also symbolizes the memories we hold in our heart.

“Oh you can fit meInside the necklace you got when you were 16Next to your heartbeatWhere I should beKeep it deep within your soul..”

“Photograph” offers a powerful message about love; even though love can be hard (especially when you are apart or estranged) “it is the only thing that keeps us alive“.

Ed Sheeran shares personal home videos in the video for “Photograph”. The song is included on his second album, X (released in 2014).

” It’s not just me missing you. Everyone here on my side of the mirror remembers you face and your infectious smile. The friends you had are still your friends. Family too is always here loving you, still rooting for you, wishing you well and wishing you back into our lives.”

Created for my son , though it fits all moms of loss of a child to others against their will, who are longing for reunion, and to show their precious child(ren) they have longed for them, ached for them, waited for them, because they love them.
“One step closer” an original by me, J. D
(based on Christina Peri’s A thousand years and sung to the same melody)
Heart still aches
Memories I can’t erase
I try to be brave
I try to hold on though I’m afraid
I’ll fall
I’m finding it hard to cope
But I have faith, believing our reunion is just
One step closer
[Chorus:]
Someday I hope you will reach out for me
When you do you will see
I have loved you for all these years
And I’ll love you forever more
Time goes fast
Sorrow and loneliness
How to be brave
How to be strong when I’m in all this pain
I’m standing I wont be shamed
All of my strength
Every breath I take brings me…
One step closer
[Chorus:]
Someday I hope you will reach out for me
When you do you will see
I have loved you for all these years
And I’ll love you forever more
And every day I’m alive I will stay true
Fate will lead your heart to me
I have loved you for all these years
And I’ll love you forever more
One step closer
One step closer
[Chorus:]
Someday I hope you will reach out for me
When you do you will see
I have loved you for all these years
And I’ll love you forever more
And every day I’m alive I will stay true
Fate will lead your heart to me
I have loved you for all these years
And I’ll love you forever more

I know my arm is strong
the landscape of it’s breadth has held new life
has cradled the sweetest innocence
and protected a beating heart
I know my arm is strong
the same arm,
clenched tight by an angry fist,
is still strong

My voice is still here
the power of my words to heal and sooth
the joy of song and treasured talk
the chosen silence and the answers
no matter how heavy the hand
to bring down my voice,
my voice is still here

The heart
no words can tell
written, spoken, heard,
how you are my heart
my dearest child
that the deepest well within my being
holds your light and memory
always,
always,
and no man
no woman
no power, being, or force
shall take you from me
shall shake my grasp
of hope
that i will be your mother
that you are my child
and I will always love you.