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There may well be another time -- Bugger -- especially when you have everything set out in your head, know what you are going to say, and then a big fat nothing. You dont think she may have skipped today because she probably had wind of you "talking" to her??

Ya know ... somewhere within my teeny weeny brain space, with all that happened today ... I've also been thinking that you're possibly right Pei. As regular readers of this thread will already know, I wrote the big "this is what has been going on for the last 11 years & I ain't putting up with it any more" letter on Tuesday, spoke with the Pres on Wednesday ... and then "who knows who" spoke with each other after that. (ie spreading gossip)

I'd spoken to Rob about what I intended to say a few days ago & said "What if she doesn't front ?" Rob said "No way !! In 11 years, she hasn't missed a Chrissie break up. She's always there because she wants to win the dress up comp. You'll be right."

So ... that's all I can tell you for the moment. Even though I was sh*t scared, I was prepared to go through a confrontation today for the sake of Spirit being trained properly without all the personal bullying I had to endure when I was training Zena. I almost didn't survive the treatment I endured whilst working with Zena .... the bullying was that bad.

My feeling for Spirit is very strong. Here is the vid of the day she was born ... (her birth colour was orange) she's not on the visual but I have to say, the moment she stole my heart was when the breeder was going to let her go. He was so quick to give up on her, yet Ange (bred Spirit's Mum & Dad) never gave up on her. Just watch the vid ... YouTube - The saving of Orange

I think it says it all when it comes to why I love Spirit so much ....

I walked away from club today with the feeling that even though I didn't have the "big chat", I may have set a "new standard" for how I expected to be treated in 2010. And at the end of the day ..... wasn't that my objective all along ...

Thanks for listening & most of all .... supporting me, whether you thought I was right or wrong. Much appreciated.

Sorry to be such a grump, particularly at this time of the year. I rang my Aunt last night for a bit of a catch up. My Mother refuses to speak with any if her children, so I ring Auntie to hear all the family news & let her know how we're going. I'm concerned about Yvonne (Mother) because she has diabetes, lives alone & doesn't take care of herself.

My Aunts think Yvonne has Alzheimer's disease, although they've been unable to take her for testing (too stubborn). Yvonne has always been quite portly, hence the diabetes, but she's very thin and the house is "squalor" according to my Aunt. She would normally stay with Yvonne, but it was so bad, she stayed in a motel near by.

I'm not sure I know how I should feel about this news given that Yvonne told me repeatedly as an adult "If I'd had access to the pill, you wouldn't be here" and other such soul destroying things.

I worked & worked on the relationship over many years to resolve issues until I could do no more. I then let it go and got on with my life.

I also got news last night that a champion White died of a heart attack last night with 12 pups dead inside her. 2 males were born & they are being fostered. As Zena died in my arms of a heart attack, I am more upset about the death of this dog than the news of Yvonne's ill health.

No need to reply. I'm just doing a brain dump so I can clear my head & get on with my day.

I've watched a LOT of Oprah & Dr Phil since I started making the treats in '99, so I've been having on-going therapy pretty much on a daily basis for all that time.

Quite sad that I couldn't achieve a semi cordial relationship with Yvonne, but you can't always get what you want. Things with Leon (Father) were even worse. Let's just say he should still be serving time for the things he did to his children. If some of you were wondering why I won't show my face on a forum, he is the reason why. I changed my name & left the state so he could never find me. When I finally find out he's passed, I'll sigh a huge sigh of relief that he can never hurt me again. Let's just say I don't like knocks on the front door when I'm not expecting a visitor, why I have Sheps, I always have a dog in the car when I'm out & about, at least one of them is inside the house when I'm not at home & they sleep in my bedroom.

At your comment Mitte. You're not wrong Matey. Let's just say I'll be glad to see the arse end of 2009.

And I know I've said it before, but thank God & Morgan for this forum. You are one terrific bunch of people who are so much help with so much more than just the chats we have about dogs. A big to each and everyone of you. If you have skin kids, don't forget to tell them that you love them ... at least once day please. It helps with their self esteem & they won't turn out to be screwed up adults.

I've watched a LOT of Oprah & Dr Phil since I started making the treats in '99, so I've been having on-going therapy pretty much on a daily basis for all that time.

Quite sad that I couldn't achieve a semi cordial relationship with Yvonne, but you can't always get what you want. Things with Leon (Father) were even worse. Let's just say he should still be serving time for the things he did to his children. If some of you were wondering why I won't show my face on a forum, he is the reason why. I changed my name & left the state so he could never find me. When I finally find out he's passed, I'll sigh a huge sigh of relief that he can never hurt me again. Let's just say I don't like knocks on the front door when I'm not expecting a visitor, why I have Sheps, I always have a dog in the car when I'm out & about, at least one of them is inside the house when I'm not at home & they sleep in my bedroom.

At your comment Mitte. You're not wrong Matey. Let's just say I'll be glad to see the arse end of 2009.

And I know I've said it before, but thank God & Morgan for this forum. You are one terrific bunch of people who are so much help with so much more than just the chats we have about dogs. A big to each and everyone of you. If you have skin kids, don't forget to tell them that you love them ... at least once day please. It helps with their self esteem & they won't turn out to be screwed up adults.

First main paragraph re your father - I understand GSD's. More than you know, but then again, maybe you do.

First main paragraph re your father - I understand GSD's. More than you know, but then again, maybe you do.

Roll on 2010. A new year, a better year!!!

My intuition has told me for a while now that we've had very similar lives DA. People with similar backgrounds either get along very well or hate each others guts.

I'll second that Baby !! I need Rob to get a job so I can put the treats money towards paying for an attic storage ladder thingy. I spent the whole of this year paying off Zena's outrageously expensive hospital fee. It was like chucking hard earned money into a big black hole with no reward at the end. I had just finished paying it all off & 1 week later, Rob gets retrenched & my meagre contribution to the finances will have to hold us together until he can get something happening. *sigh* I am sooo over the "tests" from the Universe just at the moment....

If you have skin kids, don't forget to tell them that you love them ... at least once day please. It helps with their self esteem & they won't turn out to be screwed up adults.

I have to consider myself lucky as just about everyday, My 14yo gives me a great big bear hug !! He nearly kills me in the process, but I really do appreciate it..
I had never had that sort of affection with/from my own father.. It was'nt the done thing as far as he was concerned !

Thanks Pei. I'll take that hug as just at the moment, I've been reading the "blow by blow" description of how the White bitch died I was speaking about earlier. It seems, as in Zena's case, it was mainly due to vet negligence. The breeder brought Spirit into the world & bred her Mother & Father, so she was very experienced. And from personal experience, if she tries to report the incident to the vet tribunal, it will have no affect. Zena's treating vet lied to save her license and put the problem for the dog dying squarely on my shoulders. Her written condemnation of me as an irresponsible dog owner who repeatedly refused the recommended treatment was very hard to read and "stomach". My only consolation in some sort of admission of guilt, is that to this day, she hasn't asked for the nearly $4000 bill we had racked up in the couple of weeks before Zena died in March 2007. When Zena died, I wanted to write "murderer" on her window as she had her surgery on a main road, but Rob wouldn't allow me to do that. I realise now it would have been the wrong thing to do & I would have probably been prosecuted, but at the time I was grief stricken. I had lost a cat to the vet the year before when I dropped it in to have it's teeth cleaned. It was totally screwed when I got it home, all wobbly & cross eyed. I kept it inside & it died 6 weeks later. The vet refused to see it in the intervening 6 weeks. I should have changed vets after that incident, but I continued to trust and paid dearly because I was afraid of authority figures & scared I was going to upset the vet if I went somewhere else. 2 years later I still blame myself, however I take comfort in knowing that without those turn of events, Tara & Zena (as well as Scout) would probably not be in my life, making me laugh & smile again.