MixedMyth wrote:Bad news, everybody. I'm not gonna be on chat or anything for a while. My computer just went fubar in a hand basket. The none reparable use-the-processor-for-a-paperweight kind of fubar.

Eerie... You posted this ten months to the day that my laptop did the same. At least you managed to back things up.

Well, I could see it coming months ahead of time .Things just started going bad...first the dvd drive kept skipping, then the hard drive gave me boot problems galore(though checkdisk seemed to fix that), then a bearing in the processor's fan went....that last may sound minor, but you can only find a replacement fan on the internet. However, that ended up being a non issue. See, with my computer's compact and INSANE design, in order to take the fan out you really have to take the processor out with it 'lest you accidentally break something. We had a hard enough time getting them apart when they were out of the case, I can't imagine prying them off in it. Anyhow, the processor had these clamps such that you had to tilt the thing in order to get it out and put it back in. Tilting a processor to get it in is not a good idea. Neither is having to wiggle it. But it's the only way to do it without those clamps getting in the way. So of course the thing didn't seat right and got fried when we turned the computer on. My brother says I should make the fried processor into a sculpture. Maybe I will.

Shouldn't affect my jam contributions other than having to do them entirely by hand and scanning them in.

-D. M. Jeftinija Pharm.D., Ph.D. -- Yes, I've got two doctorates and I'm arrogant about it, what have *you* done with *your* life?"People who don't care about anything will never understand the people who do." "yeah.. but we won't care.""Legostar's on the first page of the guide. His opinion is worth more than both of yours."--Yeahduff

As I've previously stated my oldest brother is getting divorced.As far as I know(as in last I asked) My mother and grandmother N. (on mothers side) know, I know, my brothers do not(Why I don't know they're going to be 26 in 17 days they can take the news) but my grandmother M. and grandfather on my fathers side do not.This is big to me because at a young age my brother was sent to live with our dad who lived with his parents(our grandparents). My dad was a bit of shit to put it lightly and his parents were eventually given custody of my brother so that he could be taken care of. So my grandmother M. basically raised my brother. His wife does NOT like my grandmother M. She prevents them from communicating, but has no problem cashing the birthday and anniversary checks she sends (piss me off much?). So of course I was a bit put off when I found out that my brother consulted my mother about the decision to divorce and even more put off that they apparently don't plan on telling grandmother M. any time soon......if ever.

Here is my dilemma...I feel obligated to tell grandmother M. She and I have become very close and I'm very upset that my brother chooses not to tell her. I know that the news will make her happy in some ways(none of us thought the marriage would last) and upset in others (he is not telling her and no one wants family to go through divorce). I KNOW that it is NOT MY PLACE. But I feel like it's something I have to do. I also know that if I do I risk alienating the one brother I have been the closest to all my life(at least until he got married...) My husband thinks I should, but my husband doesn't really like much of anyone in my family except my Grandmother M. and grandfather. So I don't know if his decision is skewed by that or not.Help me mighty internet people most of which I do not know T_T

NJ: "You know the drill, you're AWESOME!"
I am the artist formerly known as M2

As I've previously stated my oldest brother is getting divorced.As far as I know(as in last I asked) My mother and grandmother N. (on mothers side) know, I know, my brothers do not(Why I don't know they're going to be 26 in 17 days they can take the news) but my grandmother M. and grandfather on my fathers side do not.This is big to me because at a young age my brother was sent to live with our dad who lived with his parents(our grandparents). My dad was a bit of shit to put it lightly and his parents were eventually given custody of my brother so that he could be taken care of. So my grandmother M. basically raised my brother. His wife does NOT like my grandmother M. She prevents them from communicating, but has no problem cashing the birthday and anniversary checks she sends (piss me off much?). So of course I was a bit put off when I found out that my brother consulted my mother about the decision to divorce and even more put off that they apparently don't plan on telling grandmother M. any time soon......if ever.

Here is my dilemma...I feel obligated to tell grandmother M. She and I have become very close and I'm very upset that my brother chooses not to tell her. I know that the news will make her happy in some ways(none of us thought the marriage would last) and upset in others (he is not telling her and no one wants family to go through divorce). I KNOW that it is NOT MY PLACE. But I feel like it's something I have to do. I also know that if I do I risk alienating the one brother I have been the closest to all my life(at least until he got married...) My husband thinks I should, but my husband doesn't really like much of anyone in my family except my Grandmother M. and grandfather. So I don't know if his decision is skewed by that or not.Help me mighty internet people most of which I do not know T_T

I feel like I need a flow chart to understand all of of this, but mostly because of that it seems like something overly complicated and overly complicated things tend to be massively problematic for everyone involved and other people not involved. Do you know WHY your brother doesn't want to tell your grandmother? It should be him who tells her, really.

-D. M. Jeftinija Pharm.D., Ph.D. -- Yes, I've got two doctorates and I'm arrogant about it, what have *you* done with *your* life?"People who don't care about anything will never understand the people who do." "yeah.. but we won't care.""Legostar's on the first page of the guide. His opinion is worth more than both of yours."--Yeahduff

The biggest problem with convincing him is that since he's been married he doesn't talk to me much either...He went from being my wonder twin(we're 6 years apart but very alike) to being someone I never hear from, but he apparently calls my brothers nearly every week.

I think he's not telling her because my SiL is convincing him not to.I'm trying to get a hold of him to see how its going and such but he isn't calling me back, hardly ever does.

NJ: "You know the drill, you're AWESOME!"
I am the artist formerly known as M2

Mvmarcz wrote:The biggest problem with convincing him is that since he's been married he doesn't talk to me much either...He went from being my wonder twin(we're 6 years apart but very alike) to being someone I never hear from, but he apparently calls my brothers nearly every week.

I think he's not telling her because my SiL is convincing him not to.I'm trying to get a hold of him to see how its going and such but he isn't calling me back, hardly ever does.

It strikes me as her influence that has kept you two apart and him and your grandmother. Perhaps when this is all over he will be back to who he was and you can open up a dialog again.

-D. M. Jeftinija Pharm.D., Ph.D. -- Yes, I've got two doctorates and I'm arrogant about it, what have *you* done with *your* life?"People who don't care about anything will never understand the people who do." "yeah.. but we won't care.""Legostar's on the first page of the guide. His opinion is worth more than both of yours."--Yeahduff

Mvmarcz wrote:The biggest problem with convincing him is that since he's been married he doesn't talk to me much either...He went from being my wonder twin(we're 6 years apart but very alike) to being someone I never hear from, but he apparently calls my brothers nearly every week.

I think he's not telling her because my SiL is convincing him not to.I'm trying to get a hold of him to see how its going and such but he isn't calling me back, hardly ever does.

It strikes me as her influence that has kept you two apart and him and your grandmother. Perhaps when this is all over he will be back to who he was and you can open up a dialog again.

If that's true than she's terribly two faced cause she has always called me "sis" and told me that even though they're splitting she still wants to be my sister... I've never had a sister and my husbands sisters are awful people. Man...this has been a f'ed up year I can't wait till it's over.

NJ: "You know the drill, you're AWESOME!"
I am the artist formerly known as M2

Mvmarcz wrote:The biggest problem with convincing him is that since he's been married he doesn't talk to me much either...He went from being my wonder twin(we're 6 years apart but very alike) to being someone I never hear from, but he apparently calls my brothers nearly every week.

I think he's not telling her because my SiL is convincing him not to.I'm trying to get a hold of him to see how its going and such but he isn't calling me back, hardly ever does.

It strikes me as her influence that has kept you two apart and him and your grandmother. Perhaps when this is all over he will be back to who he was and you can open up a dialog again.

If that's true than she's terribly two faced cause she has always called me "sis" and told me that even though they're splitting she still wants to be my sister... I've never had a sister and my husbands sisters are awful people. Man...this has been a f'ed up year I can't wait till it's over.

I'm sorry if this is the case, but in the end it just doesn't seem like you should get involved any more than you are as a sister. There might be reasons beyond what you know that things are not being said, there might be all kinds of things that could blow up if you pushed. I would talk to your brother, try and convince him or hell just talk to him, see what's been going on, you don't even have to bring up him telling your grandmother. It's your job to maintain and strengthen the relationship you have between your brother and between you and your grandmother (yes it's also their jobs to work on their relationships too) but it's not your job to maintain their relationship, they're responsible for that.

-D. M. Jeftinija Pharm.D., Ph.D. -- Yes, I've got two doctorates and I'm arrogant about it, what have *you* done with *your* life?"People who don't care about anything will never understand the people who do." "yeah.. but we won't care.""Legostar's on the first page of the guide. His opinion is worth more than both of yours."--Yeahduff

I just realized that some people get more attention than others. And people who don't get attention and ask for it are called attention whores.The others who don't have any problems with getting attention, are not.

Mvmarcz wrote:not much of a problem, they live in Illinois and she only talks to me a tiny bit more than her does >_> Some sister right?

It's easy to say "we're like sisters" or brothers or whatever, when people don't actually do anything about it, doesn't count for much.

-D. M. Jeftinija Pharm.D., Ph.D. -- Yes, I've got two doctorates and I'm arrogant about it, what have *you* done with *your* life?"People who don't care about anything will never understand the people who do." "yeah.. but we won't care.""Legostar's on the first page of the guide. His opinion is worth more than both of yours."--Yeahduff

Eve Z. wrote:I just realized that some people get more attention than others. And people who don't get attention and ask for it are called attention whores.The others who don't have any problems with getting attention, are not.

Well yes, thats kind of the point of being called an "attention whore". Someone who gets laid a lot isn't necessarily a whore. Someone who's not that appealing going out there and going "FUCK ME FUCK ME" is most definitely a whore. Someone who asks for money for sex is not a whore, the union saw to that.

Eve Z. wrote:I just realized that some people get more attention than others. And people who don't get attention and ask for it are called attention whores.The others who don't have any problems with getting attention, are not.

Agree with him or not, mv, your brother is an adult and he's free to make his own fuck-ups in life. You can give him advice and try to keep close, but if he wants to burn bridges with people close to him, it's up to him. It sucks and it hurts to stay out of it, but this sort of family politics doesn't sound like something you'd want to be caught in the middle of, you know?

Be there for support and be there for advice, to me that's the best you can and should do.