Tuesday, December 16, 2014

We assume that everyone enjoys receiving a gift, especially kids. Yet many parents report that getting a gift causes fear and anxiety in their children with autism. Simply put, it just is not fun for them. Rather than bubbling with excitement, they face increasing anxiety over the unknown. They fear opening a gift when they don’t know what’s under the paper. They truly hate surprises, even good ones. They may be uncertain about how to respond to the gift. Or they may worry about disappointment if the gift isn’t their one desired item. It’s more than enough to push our kids on the spectrum over the edge to a meltdown.

Holidays, birthdays, and celebrations … all represent a challenging change in schedules and environment. Do we really want to add more anxiety just because gifts should be wrapped, we want our loved ones to be surprised, or because that’s what tradition dictates? If your child shows stress and difficult behaviors over receiving gifts, maybe this is the year to explore new options. Rather than following traditions or expectations, let’s find ways to help kids with autism learn to enjoy getting gifts. Here are a few ideas to get you started. Use your well-honed parent radar to judge how each idea may/may not be suitable for your child.

Don’t keep secrets.

Let your child know what gifts he is receiving. This may be quite difficult as parents want their children to experience the magical joy of the holiday season, which includes delight as they open unknown presents. However, you can remove a lot of anxiety by telling them what gifts to expect. Giving hints without being specific may be enough for some children, and it can be made into a game. For example, let him guess which “category” a present is from. Simply knowing he’s getting a cartoon-related action figure may be enough to put his mind at ease.

Create a picture board showing the gifts.

Get a large piece of poster board in a color that fits the season or occasion. Cut the poster board into a fun shape, such as a large heart. Print or copy online images of the gifts she will receive and tape or glue them onto the poster board. This visual reminder of what gifts she can expect will remove fear of the unknown. Keep the picture board as a way to build memories and as a tool to remind her of the fun. PS. Surprisingly, some moms who tried this said it did not make their children want the presents right away. They were content to wait for the big day as long as they knew what to expect.

Find alternatives to gift wrap.

Skip the gift wrap or use gift bags without tissue paper. If you do use wrapping, don’t wind ribbon around the box, making it more frustrating to open. Instead of wrapping paper, use a card, picture or even simple shapes cut from construction paper and tape them on the gift. They won’t cover and hide the gift, but they’re fun and give the illusion of being wrapped.

Proactively discuss gifts with family and friends.

Don’t leave the door open to random gifts. Give people a list of items you know your child either likes or expects. Explain about your child’s special interests and assure them it’s ok to buy yet another train, dinosaur or whatever your child collects.

Prepare your child for unexpected gifts.

Write a social story teaching him how to respond and role play until he’s comfortable. Be prepared to deal with resistance to telling socially accepted “little white lies” about gifts he doesn’t like and work together to come up with responses that are truthful yet kind. Talk about what he can do with a gift he doesn’t like.

Consider their interests.

This seems like obvious advice, but holidays and birthdays often become prime time when family and friends think it’s “fun” to experiment with new gifts. While we all want to expand our children’s interests, high-anxiety occasions are not the best time to introduce new topics and toys.

Don’t forget unique events.

It’s easy to overlook the potential anxiety associated with typical yet infrequent events, like various holidays. Be sure to prepare in advance using picture cards, social stories, and schedules.

-Selection reprinted with permission from the 2010 revised edition of 1001 Great Ideas for Teaching and Raising Children with Autism or Asperger’s, by Ellen Notbohm and Veronica Zysk. Future Horizons, Inc., publisher.

This article is taken with permission from autismdigest.com, where readers can go online and, by signing in, can access free copies of the magazine’s eGuide, which is packed full of more information on holidays and gift giving for children on the spectrum. Article amended to fit any gift giving season.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

In the past, I have dreaded holiday parties. To be honest, I avoided them whenever possible. They were often just too stressful and full of sensory landmines for my kids to enjoy, which made the parties pretty miserable for my husband and me, too. Since I couldn’t very well avoid all holiday festivities, I needed to find ways to cope.

And unless you live in the wilderness far from civilization, chances are you will have to attend at least one holiday party this year, too.

Don’t despair, though! There are many things you can do to prepare yourselves and your kids so that the parties are enjoyable.

Over the years, I have discovered some things that have helped both my son, who is 7, and my daughter, who is 5, cope better with big holiday family parties, and they may help you, too. Here are my suggestions….

Exercise BeforehandI try to do some exercise with my children before we go to a party. My son, who is a sensory seeker, responds very well to heavy work. It calms him and makes him much more able to deal with extra sensory input. If the weather is decent, I take him for a bike ride before the party. Otherwise, we set up an indoor obstacle course that includes jumping on the mini-trampoline and crawling through tunnels. Try to incorporate an activity that your child enjoys and ones that tend to calm him down. Extra heavy work will help regulate your child’s senses, so he will be more able to handle the sensory stimuli at the party.

Get the Kids Outside I know most of us live in locales where the weather is not very pleasant this time of year. Still, it helps tremendously if, while at a loud party, you are able to get your children outside the house for a while. I typically offer to take all my kids, along with their cousins on a walk around the block. We take the opportunity to get some fresh air and admire all the Christmas decorations. This has multiple benefits. My daughter, who is very sensitive to noise, gets the chance to have a bit of peace and quiet; and my son, who has lots of extra energy, is able to run and let off some steam.

Feed Them Ahead of TimeI don’t know about your children, but mine rarely eat much at big parties with lots of people around. I used to try and fight them, until Mother’s Day a few years ago. At that particular party, my son ate absolutely no dinner. My sister offered him a piece of cake before I realized what she was doing. I was just about to take the cake away from him, when he got up and walked away. He was too wound up to even eat a piece of cake!

When we got home, the kid devoured three sandwiches. Even though he was obviously hungry at the party, he couldn’t calm down enough to eat. Now, I make a habit of feeding my kids before a party. Gatherings with lots of people are not the place, in my opinion, to battle with my kids over food. Also, I imagine it must be very difficult for a child with SPD to regulate his senses in a stressful situation, and even more so when he is very hungry.

Along with that, if your child is a picky eater, be sure to bring food with you. Don’t force your child to try a new food at a party. He is already dealing with enough uncomfortable sensory stimuli! Besides, who wants to fight at a Christmas party?

Secure a Calm Down SpotWhen we go to a family party, I always find a quiet, peaceful place my son and daughter can go to if they get overwhelmed. I tell them ahead of time where to go if they need some alone time, and this has prevented so many meltdowns. If your child is too young to remove herself from the overwhelming situation, monitor him closely and take him to the place when you think he is getting over stimulated. Give her some time to regroup before returning to the party.

Ensure Kids are Well Rested Dealing with loud, chaotic parties is difficult in the best of times, but if your child is already tired she will have an even tougher time handling all the sensory input. If your child still naps, do what you can to ensure her nap schedule is not interrupted. Also, try to make sure your child gets extra sleep the night before a party.

Schedule WiselyMost families have many parties and events to attend during the holiday season. With kids who have sensory difficulties, these parties are fraught with potential difficulties. Try not to schedule too many activities in one day. You may also want to eliminate some parties so your child has some down time. I know it is tempting to try to attend all the fun activities you’ve been invited to, but seriously consider what your child can handle. Be realistic; it may mean you will need to decline some invitations, but this will prevent your child from becoming totally over stimulated at the functions you do attend.

Advocate for your Kids You know your child better than anyone else. Don’t let family members or friends convince you to do something that you know makes your child uncomfortable. Don’t give in to peer pressure. For example, just because all your nieces and nephews are visiting Santa at the mall doesn’t mean you have to take your child, especially if you know it will scare her. It helps me if I remind myself that the point of these activities is for my kids to have fun. If a particular event will be stressful to my child, the fun is lost.

Have an Escape PlanWhenever we are going to any kind of function, my husband and I discuss when we should leave the party. We also make what we call our “escape plan.” Basically, we know what behaviors to watch for that tell us the kids have had enough and it’s time to head home. We have a policy that if one of us thinks it’s time to go, the other agrees without argument. We split up and each take charge of certain tasks. Usually, I get the kids dressed in coats, while Bil herds them off to the car where they wait as I gather all our things. It helps if you have a system in place ahead of time.

Bring Calming ToolsMy 7-year-old son chews on a blanket to calm himself down; he doesn’t use it all the time, but it definitely helps him when he is stressed. I know this is odd, so I sometimes would prefer if he left the blanket at home. Holiday parties, though, are pretty stressful for him, and they are not the time to try to wean your kid off of a calming, comfort item, no matter how disapproving Aunt Gertrude might be of your son’s blankey. So be sure to bring it–I often keep the blanket in the car and only pull it out when I can see my son needs it.

The holiday season is a very stressful time for most people, even those who do not deal with Sensory Processing Disorder. So, it is not surprising that this time of year can wreak havoc on your kids’ sensory regulation, sleep and behavior. Try your best to keep schedules as consistent as possible and plan ahead when you will be heading out to holiday parties. Do these things and the parties should go much more smoothly.