Download That!

Download That! #3

Teenage Mutant Ninja TurtlesPublisher: KonamiConsole: NESWii Points: 500 ($5.00 USD) Funny enough, after we ran our first Download That! and discussed the arcade version of Turtles popping up on Xbox Live, we got an e-mail from Jeff:

I think it's cool that TMNT is available on Xbox Live Arcade, but what would be really cool is if the original Turtles game for NES was released. Flickery graphics and all, it's got great atmosphere. That weird overhead-driving thing where you're in the van, and then you'd access the sewers and buildings on foot (right? it's been a long time). Of course it might suck - a strange fact of "retro" games that's coming to light more and more. Some things don't age too well. Then again, Symphony of the Night will probably still be played 30 years from now.

Funny you mention that, Jeff, because a few days after we got this e-mail, the NES version of TMNT released on Virtual Console. We discovered very, very quickly that NES Turtles is very, profoundly uncool. Like your best friend going after your ex-girlfriend uncool. Frankly, I wonder how some of these developers slept at night knowing that they tortured small children with this game during the era of the First Bush.

Sluggish, flickery graphics and fidgety controls are the order of the day here. I wondered if kids across the world tolerated this game simply because it was licensed, and all signs point to "hell yeah." The truth is, had Konami released another prominent side-scroller in this vein circa '89/'90 and hyped it in Nintendo Power, it would've gone down in flames a la The Adventures of Bayou Billy.

How do we say it gently? It's Galaga. If you aren't one of those gamers who has both a 360 and a Wii and therefore, haven't gotten this from Xbox Live Arcade (it's the same cost breakdown in Microsoft Points), then go for it. Otherwise, if you have multiple consoles, get the 360 version, if for nothing else so that you have some achievements to show for your time. Still, it's Galaga, an old-school classic that has withstood the test of time, so we give it a thumbs up.

If you're the type of gamer who enjoyed God Hand simply because it was a crazy spoof of Japanese game clichés, then you'll probably find Bravoman to be right up your alley. Combining conventional Japanese superhero imagery with side-scrolling beat 'em up action, Bravoman wasn't exactly the kind of game that many American gamers would be familiar with. In the game, players will take on the role of the titular hero in a quest to stop the evil Dr. Bomb and his "End the World" device. Along the way, there's Bravoman's sidekick, who will take continuous abuse and deliver funny responses, and lots of ridiculous villains.

It's riddled with the kind of awful localization that Internet memes are made of, and crazy sound effects. In other words, it's six bucks worth of cheese. If that's your thing, then go for it. Odds are, however, that Bravoman is a title that's much more geared towards hardcore gamers than the Wii's normal target audience. Based on that, we'd say that if this kind of game is up your alley, then go for it; otherwise, you're better off with other games. Thumbs down.

If Bravoman is a bit too obscure and weird for some, Dragon's Curse should feel quite familiar to older gamers. Originally released late in the life of the Sega Master System as Wonder Boy III, then ported to TG-16 with enhanced graphics as Dragon's Curse, this side-scrolling adventure title has stood solid for over a decade and a half. Utilizing basic jumping and attacking mechanics, players will take on the role of a hero who's subject to lots and lots of shape-shifting, ranging from a fire-breathing lizard to a flying hawk to a piranha. It's all quite fun, and re-playing the game, which most people likely remember from its 8-bit days, will bring back a lot of memories. Out of what has been a hit-and-miss roster from the TurboGrafx-16 end of Virtual Console content, Dragon's Curse is worth picking up for 600 points. Thumbs up.