She
says it matter-of-factly, the way another mother might tell you her son is
an engineer. “My son is a homosexual.” And Mrs. Lenore Acanfora of Bricktown
has completely accepted the fact. Homosexuals should be treated in the same
category as everyone else,” she says. “They’re God’s children, too. I love
my son and I’m proud of him. And I’m glad he has the courage to be what he
is.” Before she learned that her own son “Joe” was gay though, Mrs. Acanfora
“had the same negative feelings everyone has. But when Joe came out of the
closet, I had to come out of the kitchen, so to speak. I had to look at the
situation more carefully.” A careful look, some visits to the library, a session
with the family doctor and, most important, several long talks with Joe about
who and what and why he was, and Mrs. Acanfora “realized how ignorant I was
and many people are on the topic, and how wrong most ofour ideas are about homosexual people. “We’re all only passing through
in this world, and if we can’t pass through in our own way, in our own style
of life, it isn’t worthwhile.”

---------------------

GAY

---------------------

“When Joe came out of the closet, I came out of the
kitchen”

by Jim Gallagher, News
Tribune Staff Writer

Until Joe came right out and told her he was gay, Mrs.
Acanfora never even considered the possibility. A bright and pleasant
youngster, Joe “did the things all kids do” -- baseball, fishing, gymnastics,
Cub Scouts --and some things only very special kids do -- valedictorian of his
high school graduating class, a Dean’s List student at Penn State University.

The family photo album bears witness to the fact that he attended his
high school prom with a very attractive young lady, and, if one can believe the
glossy commentaries in instamatic color, Joe was a happy, friendly teenager --
just another kid next door.

Although he had had intimations of his homosexuality as early as age 10,
it was only after he went away to college that he began to act out his inner
feelings.It was another two or three
years before he was able to tell his parents, after he had become an active
member of the Homophiles of Penn State and was preparing to do battle with the
state of Pennsylvania for certification as a junior high school earth and space
science teacher.

Seeking to educate other collegians about homosexuality, HOPS had filed
suit against Penn State after the university refused to charter it.Joe, who was student teaching at the time,
was treasurer of the group and the ensuing publicity resulted in his being
dismissed from his position and denied permanent certification.

He decided to fight for his career, and the time had come to bear his
soul to his parents.He wrote them a
letter, told them about himself, and brought them up to date on his
certification problems.

Long before this, though, his mother had sensed an inner struggle raging
within her son, and was worried about him.“We always had love and respect from Joe,” she says, ‘but for a while he
was in a crazy mood.He wasn’t
himself.He was very unhappy, and
didn’t speak out like he had always spoken to us.

“Once I asked him what it was.Was it drugs, school, did some girl break your heart?And then, out of the clear blue, I said:
‘Are you a homosexual?’I don’t know
why.Maybe something was stored up over
the years.

“When I mentioned the word, he put his head down.I could see the hurt in his eyes.He did’t say yes or no, but from his
reaction I new I had hit a sore spot.I
felt terrible.I thought to myself,
‘How cruel, how wicked could you be?’

“I went into the kitchen for a while, then came back and told Joe that,
whatever it was that was bothering him, he should remember I’d be here when he
wanted to talk about it.”

Mrs. Acanfora informed her husband of what had occurred, but “he thought
I was making a big thing out of nothing.”I though it might be my own imagination also, so after a while I pushed
it aside. After all, there was nothing obvious.Maybe he’s just growing up, I thought. Besides, I was more
worried about drugs.”

When she read Joe’s letter, she stopped worrying about drugs.“I read it more than once, to make sure of
what I saw.I kept prancing back and
forth, thinking.

“I told myself, ‘OK, he’s a homosexual.What does that really mean?’I
only had a vague idea.But I was afraid
for him.I thought what everybody else
thought, that he was sick.Like any
other mother, I was afraid he’d be harmed by it.

“A million thoughts go through your mind at a time like that.Was it my fault?What did I do?Did I love
him too much?Did I hate him too
much?I was at home alone -- my husband
was at work -- and I had that old feeling a woman has.A man is never there when you need him.”

Mrs. Acanfora can laugh about it now.“You just can’t call up a neighbor and say, ‘I just found out my son is
a homosexual.’But had to talk to
someone.I called my doctor, and
started to cry.She said kids get
brainwashed in college, that I shouldn’t get upset until I see Joe and talk to
him face to face.

“That was enough to stop me for crying.And I haven’t cried since over it.I’m not ashamed of it.”

How did she tell her husband.“I
waited until he got home, and gave him a chance to eat supper first.And he ate damn slow, too.He wanted to sit and talk about the railroad
where he works, and at that point, who wanted to hear that?I couldn’t wait till he got his food down.

“I told him before dessert.How
long can a woman keep her mouth shut?I
told him about the letter, gave it to him to read.He was very quiet.We
didn’t argue about it, but we did question each other about ever being
gay.It was the logical question.I guess.

“But neither of us is.We have a
good healthy sex life.What is it the
statistics say?Twice a week is normal.
Well, we’re normal.Not wild, but
normal.”

‘As time went by, my husband’s main concern was for Joe’s future. He’s
such a bright boy, and my hus~ band hoped all his schooling didn’t go to waste.
And I wasn’t disgusted or angry. I was too concerned about what Joe was
feeling.’’

The Acanforas visited their son on campus the following weekend, but they
didn’t do much talking.“It seemed like
he was feeling us out, and we were feeling him out, waiting to see who was
going to make the first move.Nobody
moved.”

However, when Joe came home for summer vacation, the family “really put
the issue on the table,” as Mrs. Acanfora says.“Joe told us to enlighten our minds, get the latest books.He had read up on it and had accepted
himself.

“I could tell that from his attitude.He was his old self again,He
was much happier.And I’d rather have a
happy, healthy homosexual son than one who was mentally disturbed because I
forced him to live my life style.

“And when we finished talking, my husband shook Joe’s
hand and said, ‘I loved you then and I love you now’.”

Other Homosexuals Are Not So Lucky

For her birthday, last Feb 2, Lenore Acanfora received a
card from son Joe that read:“Thanks
for being you and encouraging me to be me.”

Joe had ample reason to be thankful especially for the
“me to be me” part.Many of his
homosexual friends have been totally rejected by their families.

“Joe told us that some young homosexuals have even
committed suicide because of the way their families reacted,” his mother
recalls.“He said one boy threw himself
out a dormitory window.

“People talk about homosexuals being sick, but I
wouldn’t say so.Some may be
emotionally disturbed because they can’t come right out and tell their
families.They’re not sick, they’re
oppressed.

“I’ve had boys over for the holidays who couldn’t go to
their own homes anymore.They were
wonderful boys, but they couldn’t even go to their own homes for
Christmas.At first they were shocked
that I would invite them into my home and talk with them.”

The Acanforas have done a lot more than passively accept
Joe’s uniqueness.They stood by him in
his fight for certification in Pennsylvania -- a fight he eventually won -- by
writing letters to the State Education Commission.

They’ve appeared on television and radio talk shows, and
as a result have received many letters from other homosexuals praising them for
their courage and understanding.Most
of the letters are sad -- from people cut off from those they care about,
envious of the fact that the Acanforas are still a family.“How I wish you were my mother,” is the
general theme.

Now Joe is engaged in another legal battle -- he wants
to be certified in Maryland and has filed suit in Federal District Court.Hearings in the case are scheduled for today
and tomorrow, and Mr. and Mrs. Acanfora will be by his side throughout the
proceedings.

The case, which has attracted national attention and
been the subject of an hour-long television special, has also received much
attention in Bricktown.According to
Mrs. Acanfora, neighbors who have known Joe since he was a child have written
letters attesting to his character.

“Joe was always well respected in this
neighborhood.He was never backwards,
or one to be left out.He still sees
his old friends, both male and female, and I haven’t had one person object to
me about what Joe is doing.

“When Joe came home after the thing first hit the
newspapers, nobody shied away from him.They came right up and spoke to him.One young woman in the neighborhood felt it was all such a waste, that
he could have been a wonderful husband.”

Joe has two sisters who have accepted his homosexuality
in the same spirit that his parents have.Lenore, a year younger than he and the mother of her own toddler son, is
“proud he could stand up in public for what he believes in.”Eight-year-old Theresa was “embarrassed when
my mother first told me -- that Joe was a man who loved men, not women -- but I
don’t really think there’s anything different about him.”

The morning after that talk with her mother, Theresa
woke Joe up with a big kiss and said, “I know about you and I love you anyway.”

Lenore is raising her son “as everybody else does,” but
admits her husband is somewhat concerned.“I could accept it,” she said, when asked how she would react if her
child should become a homosexual, but she admits her husband is “not that ready
to accept it.”

“He gets excited when the child plays with dolls,” Mrs.
Acanfora says, “or if he puts on cold cream or plays with nail polish.But he’s only a baby.Those are natural things for a kid to do.

“I told him that my son never played with dolls, so
there’s no correspondence.He never
went around with lipstick on, never wore nail polish.I read somewhere that some doctors think your sex habits are
determined by the third week of pregnancy.There are lots of boys who hated their mothers and played baseball with
their fathers that later become gay.

“I think of it this way.We’re all born with sex buds, just as we’re all born with taste
buds.We all have our needs to
satisfy.You can’t help who you fall in
love with.”