The Black Arrow Murders

Summary: Noah is a 17 year old boy living with his brother in Black Arrow Minnesota. A small farm town that suddenly goes into panic when a string of murders ad kidnappings begin. When the crimes start affecting Noah's friends and family he starts trying to figure out who's behind these malicious crimes, but what he finds out will his life forever. This small town is in trouble, can a 17 year old boy stop the criminal? or will he become just another victim of the maniac? A murder mystery that will keep you guessing until the very end.

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Great plot concept. It sounds very interesting. I think you should have made the detailed descriptions more gradual-said the whole thing about the 17 year old kid having dreamed of leaving his whole live when he gets in a fight with his parents or something.

The entire first chapter was information overload. We don't need to know everyones life story before the actual story begins. Take your first paragraph for instance. Let us know this is all taking place in Black Arrow within the first page or two along with how much he hates the town. Towards the end of the first chapter let us find out that his parents died. That's heart renching stuff! But if I only know the boys name and where he is, how am I supposed to feel bad for him when you bring up tha... (more »)

Good story! But way too much "telling", in my opinion. Every emotion, action, or aspect of the story was relayed through an "and then this happened" format, which is great for a certain audience. However, I'd work on more of a "showing" approach- it can tear down the barrier between story and reader, and gives it a more real feel. Still, I liked the story a lot. Good work.