Etiquette Of A Gentleman

The True Marks Of A Gentleman

Some argue that the concept of being a gentleman is archaic. Others argue that the rules of being a gentleman have not and cannot change, and if you’re not standing reflexively when a woman enters the room, then you might as well go live under a bridge. Being a modern gentleman is both of these things, but also neither. I’m sure as hell not standing just because a woman enters the room, or throwing my jacket over a mud puddle. But at the same time, any man who wants to rise above and stand out (in a good way) needs to keep in mind a few things that separate a modern gentleman from, well, everyone else. Consider the following:

Make a Good First Impression

How often do you consciously monitor the way you act around new acquaintances? You may offer a firm handshake, but do you make eye contact? Do you introduce yourself politely and clearly, or do you slap hands and say “Sup, bro? I’m Jake”? If you do this wrong, you could find yourself paddling upstream, attempting to land in the good graces of your new acquaintance

Be Hygienic

There’s nothing wrong with waking up from a night on the town and throwing on a rumpled T-shirt, last night’s jeans and a ball cap to make a Starbucks run. However, those jeans you’re putting on ought to go over a fresh pair of underpants, and that T-shirt should have a new coat of antiperspirant underneath it, even if you haven’t showered yet. There’s no excuse for leaving the house with your teeth unbrushed, nails untrimmed, and hair unkempt (or at least uncovered). While you may not care what the barista thinks of your appearance, you never know who you might see. Almost nothing can turn around a bad first impression, but a bad second, third, or fourth impression can sure as hell erase a good first one.

Be Honest

We’ve all been there: Maybe you’re seeing someone casually, or have just begun a relationship, and you see a woman who makes you do a double-take. Assuming you don’t have your lady friend in tow, sooner or later events conspire to make it such that the two of you have struck up a conversation at the bar. Assuming you’ve made a good first impression and have some modicum of charm, inevitably the talk turns to relationship status. When the question comes up, what do you do? If you’re any kind of a gentleman, you come clean and be truthful about the fact that you’re seeing someone. That may end the conversation for her, but if she wants to carry on, so be it. Regardless, lying is unfair to your squeeze, unfair to your new acquaintance and generally unbecoming of a gentleman.

Have Context and Self-Awareness

In a social setting, the modern gentleman is immediately aware of the tone and setting in which he finds himself. If you’re at a $5,000/plate fundraising dinner, that shouldn’t be your cue to drink combatively and test your personal limits. On the other hand, no one likes a wet blanket. If everyone else is dancing on tables and singing off-key to Journey, unless you’re abstaining for other reasons, by all means indulge and have a good time. Whatever the case, you don’t want to be remembered as the guy who was out of touch with the rest of the party. That’s a good way to make sure you aren’t invited back.