very deep thoughts from a very deep person

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*heavy sigh* Where have I gone wrong??

So, my sons. My lovely and angelic sons. Have learned some things about them in the last 24 hours.

I’ll start with 10. My baby. Mr. Personality. Loves the ladies. Well, we’re watching an iCarly (which I happen to really enjoy, btw! lol) and the topic of boys paying for dates, etc. comes up. He looks over at me and asks “that’s not true, is it?” and I say “of course it’s true!’ and he pauses the tivo and gets up and is INCREDULOUS. “NO!” he shouts “Girls should at least pay half!” and I am like (in my head) “You are NOT the fruit of my loins! Be gone!”

That led to “chivalry” and how men should open doors for women, help you with your coat, etc. He’s sort of shaking his head and says “Dad never does that!” and I’m like “well, your dad isn’t great at that stuff BUT he does pay for things!“…lol…

Now, Sarcasmo. *sighs* After 2 years of asking, I finally caved and let him go to a dance (not at his school)…his buddies go and he’s been itching to go and we’ve held it over his head for a long time! So, last night was the first one. I would have loved to hang out and lurk, kwim?? You know what your kid is like at home but at a dance? Lights out, loud music, potentially slutty girls. Oh my.

I picked him up right on time. All these 6th, 7th, and 8th graders came pouring out. All the girls were wearing super short shorts and tank tops with bra straps showing. Oookkkaaaayyy. There were a bunch of girls from his school and I’m used to seeing them in their Catholic School uniforms. Holy Shit. Anyway, the boys all look the same, jeans, tee shirts, sweaty, loud. He comes out with his buddies and is a mess. All loud and obnoxious. A girl I’ve never seen before called him over and gave him a good-bye hug. Cue my eyes bugging out.

Anyway, asked him 10203 questions and got monosyllabic replies. Which bugs the (@&$ out of me. Mama wants details! LOL. After he relaxed a bit and let his Cool Guy armor down, I got some deets.

Me: “So, any pretty girls?”

Sarcasmo: “OMG MOM!”

Sarcasmo: “Well, one girl was pretty hot. Not even gonna lie.”

Me: *dying* “Really? What did she look like?”

S: “She had long brown hair with these perfect waves of pink running thru it…oh, and lots of eyeliner so she looked kinda emo”

Me: “How lovely”

And, it turns out, my kid is “That Guy“…asked him what he did…”Oh, I walked around and bumped into people on purpose” Oookkkaaaayyy. “Yeah, it was really fun ’cause then I’d apologize really loudly” (read: sarcastically)

Me: “So, any dancing with girls??”

Sarcasmo: “OMG, MOM! It was so AWKWARD! All these girls would come up and ask me “Do you want to dance with my friend?” and I’d say “Um, no” and walk away.”

Me: “So, you went to a dance and didn’t dance?”

S: “Well, I danced with some people in a group”

S: “Oh yeah, Amanda (from his class – not her real name) came up and asked me to dance and I looked at her and said “yeah, I’m just gonna walk away now”

S: “Oh, and I also went around and stole people’s hats and wore them”

Okay, my son is “That Guy”…the irritating one who thinks he’s funny and steals your hat or rams into you. And he the total d*ck who makes you feel badly for asking him to dance! (after you’ve gotten up the courage to do it!)

And my other kid will take you on a date but pretty much expect you to pay for it!