I’ve said it before, and I'll say it again, video game storylines suck. But that doesn’t mean that the character’s in those horrible storylines can’t come up with pearls of wisdom (Or is it just comic gold?) when they open up their mouths. Below are, in my opinion, the ten greatest phrases to ever come out of a video game character’s mouth. I’m sure I’m missing a few here, but that’s what comment boards are for. So here they are, the top ten phrases ever. See if you can close your eyes and remember just how they sounded the first time you first heard them. Just don’t do it while you’re driving or operating heavy machinery. You should usually keep your eyes open for stuff like that.

10. “Waka Waka Waka, etc.”—Pac-man

Fauzy from the Muppet Babies, is that you? Nope, it’s just everybody’s favorite yellow one third of a pizza chomping down on pellets while avoiding ghosts, or Ku Klux Klan members, or whatever the hell, Inky, Blinky, Pinky, and Clyde happen to be. If you’re good enough to get past the first few rounds, you can even almost forget that Pac-Man is rude enough to talk while he’s eating, as the sound just becomes natural after awhile. Don’t forget the power pallet on your way around the bend!

9. “Aaaaaarrrrriiiiieeeesssss!!!!!”—Kratos, God of War

Shouting at the top of his lungs, Kratos, the pasty white anti-hero of the ultra-violent series, God of War, made it clear from the very onset that he was ready to take on the gods. I personally love vendetta stories, and God of War has one of the greatest, this shouted phrase being testament of a character of insurmountable power. Who knew that Kyle Barker from Living Single had such a killer voice?

8. “I’m sorry, but your princess is in another castle”—Toad, Super Mario Bros.

Whether that’s really Toad or not sitting there, fatter and plumper than he’s ever been, is disputable. But what isn’t disputable is that whoever he is, he’s going to be the bearer of bad news, telling you that you went through all that trouble just for nothing. No wonder Mario bangs his head on so many damn bricks all the time.

7. “Aym Banjo, whoooooa!”—Banjo in Diddy Kong Racing

While Diddy Kong Racing might most be remembered for its multi-vehicle awesomeness and Conker the squirl’s miscasting (He used to be so sweet before that dreadful, Bad Fur Day of his), what I remember most about this game was clicking on Banjo from Banjo-Kazooie fame and hearing his God-awful voice. Seriously, could he BE any more Red-necktified? I never saw him the same way again after that.

6. “Upside down whirlwind !#?whirlwind!”—Q*Bert

And you call yourself a gamr? If you can’t read that phrase up above, then you need to play Q*Bert again and land on one of the many enemies that pervade the playing field. That profane little whatever he is, is swearing up a storm!

5. “Jill, here’s a lockpick. It might be handy if you, the master of unlocking, take it with you.”—Barry Burton, Resident Evil

Okay, what? Wasn’t anybody at Capcom aware that this is one of the worst statements in the history of video game statements ever? First off, who even addresses a person by what they’re good at? It’s not like you’re going to say to me, “Rich, here are some Zubaz pants. It might be handy if you, the master of imitating Joey Buttafuoco, put them on.” That would just be plain silly. And second off, well, there is no second off, this phrase is just plain stupid.

4. “I am error.”—random fat dude in The Legend of Zelda 2

It’s been said that this was merely an error in the translation (“I am Errol,” is what some people claim he’s supposed to say), but seriously, can’t anybody check these things out first before they ship them over here? At least it’s not nearly as bad as this next one.

3. “All your base are belong to us.”—CATS, Zero Wing

Whoever this CATS character is seriously needs to brush up on his engrish. If you can actually find the transcripts of what was originally intended for the game, though, you’ll find that it was actually pretty good. At least, good compared to lines like, “Somebody set up us the bomb,” and “You have no chance to survive make your time.” If this is all it takes to become a translator, writing nonsense, then please sign me up immediately.

2. “Do a barrel roll!/Try a somersault!/Use the boost to get through!”—Peppy Hare, Star Fox 64

Oh, Peppy, Peppy, Peppy, bless your heart for being so enthusiastic about your work. I love how every line Peppy says sounds like it has to be louder and more demanding than the last. It makes lines like, “Your father used to do it like that, too!” sound justified. You actually feel proud for following Peppy’s instructions. And heck, half the time, he’s right. I really DO need to do a barrel roll.

1. Hadouken!—Sonic Boom!—Ryu/Ken, Guile, Street Fighter series

Ah, childhood. You could not walk into an arcade without hearing, “Hadouken!”, “Sonic boom!” volleyed back and forth like a tennis match. Sometimes, I’d stand by the arcade cabinet, waiting for my turn to play and watch whole matches that consisted of nothing but hadoukens and sonic booms, the Ryu’s and Ken’s usually beating out the Guile’s since they didn’t have to hold back for two seconds or anything like that. Whoever thought of the idea of shouting out your attack (Probably DBZ creator, Akira Toriyama) before fired it was ingenius, absolutely ingenius. Yoga. Yoga. Yoga. Yoga flame!

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Hi, my name is Rich B. Knight, and I love books. So much so, actually, that I actually wrote one. You can find my debut novel, The Darkness of the Womb at Amazon, Barnes & Nobles, and any place where eBooks are sold. Please give it a look.

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