40

31

43.6

48.8

48.3

.604

.623

89.6%

4.6%

94.2%

1.0%

0.8%

The bullpen remains a daily soap opera. Tune in tomorrow when we find out Drew Smyly and Joaquin Benoit are long lost twins!

2

47

26

48.3

46.2

44.9

.587

.567

62.8%

34.4%

97.2%

1.5%

1.2%

If Yadier Molina wins the batting title, get ready for a new advanced stat that correlates plate selection to neck tattoos.

3

44

31

45.1

44.0

43.8

.561

.580

48.7%

29.2%

77.9%

-2.8%

-2.6%

Wait until we find out Andrew Bailey still plays Words With Friends with Bobby Valentine.

4

44

30

43.8

43.8

43.1

.571

.552

28.0%

61.4%

89.5%

-2.2%

2.2%

Why bat Zack Cozart second when he's (a) not hitting well and (b) you could put Jay Bruce in there and have a 1-2 combo of Choo-Bruce? It's just more fun to say.

5

43

31

43.5

44.0

42.3

.546

.526

82.8%

6.2%

89.0%

-2.8%

-1.1%

Chris Johnson committed three errors but the other team didn't score any unearned runs, so it's all good.

6

43

32

42.5

43.4

42.1

.546

.566

45.6%

25.8%

71.4%

-2.7%

-7.2%

They've started 14 different batters in the 8-hole, because like everything else at work, if they don't get volunteers, everybody rotates.

7

38

35

38.3

40.8

41.8

.537

.556

11.3%

24.3%

35.5%

5.5%

-2.1%

Jose Molina was the DH yesterday, so he spent half the game looking around the dugout for things to frame.

8

37

37

40.0

42.6

41.1

.503

.483

12.2%

3.4%

15.6%

-1.5%

-5.8%

Shoot. I took the under on "10.5 strikeouts for Roy Oswalt" last night, and now I'm all out of bitcoins.

9

41

32

38.8

40.0

40.1

.549

.569

49.8%

20.9%

70.7%

2.4%

-5.1%

Craig Gentry could make a fortune if he made an instruction video on how to perfect the game-ending bobble/assist to home plate. Or at least enough for a hamburger.

10

42

31

39.0

39.1

39.9

.507

.527

17.2%

28.5%

45.7%

2.4%

15.1%

Chris Davis is in an awful slump this month, with an OPS of .969 really dragging down his season numbers.

11

37

35

35.1

37.4

38.6

.514

.494

28.4%

5.3%

33.8%

-5.2%

-1.9%

What's the purpose of the AT&T Park right field wall? Take it out, and if the ball rolls into the ocean, make the fielder canoe out to get it. The ball floats, as does my undying optimism for a multi-surface sport.

12

43

30

39.0

37.2

38.1

.523

.503

9.2%

60.5%

69.7%

5.1%

12.4%

Have you ever sat down and read the rulebook? There's actually a provision wherein Pedro Alvarez isn't allowed to have back-to-back great games.

13

33

40

36.0

38.6

37.4

.531

.551

4.3%

9.2%

13.6%

2.2%

6.2%

Mike Trout was intentionally walked to bring up Albert Pujols and laugh in the face of the baseball gods. It did not work, because baseball gods do not get Comedy Central.

14

39

33

37.9

36.7

36.6

.520

.500

41.8%

9.0%

50.8%

1.4%

-7.9%

The intentional walk can be a sign of respect. Or in the case of Cliff Pennington with a team-best four intentional passes, it's a sign of batting eighth.

.521

8.7%

15.0%

23.8%

-1.2%

5.1%

29

42

33.2

34.9

35.5

.471

.451

0.0%

0.6%

0.6%

-0.2%

0.2%

As a team they're hitting .203 this month, proving some teams are starting to buy into the fact that batting average is overrated.

17

37

36

35.0

34.8

34.9

.478

.458

10.0%

2.7%

12.7%

2.3%

7.3%

For whatever reason Pedro Ciriaco feels right at home in a ballpark that looks like a normal baseball park.

18

35

36

35.0

32.8

34.1

.492

.512

1.7%

6.5%

8.2%

0.4%

6.1%

No game, no arbitrary waiver claims ... these are the telltale signs of widespread office hooky.

19

33

36

32.4

32.4

33.3

.444

.464

0.3%

1.2%

1.5%

0.1%

0.6%

They did a bang-up job sweeping the White Sox, but most people just machine wash them and don't fold them like THAT.

20

32

42

30.3

32.7

33.2

.456

.476

0.3%

0.3%

0.7%

-0.4%

-0.4%

Would Felix Hernandez even recognize eight runs of support in a game if he saw it? Then it's not his fault he let the Angels come back to tie the game.

21

39

33

35.4

32.5

32.9

.527

.547

21.2%

30.4%

51.6%

-5.6%

-15.8%

In certain shady parts of the Big Apple, flimflammers set up gambling huts and grift money out of tourists by enticing them into quick-money games of "Yankees pitcher or Saturday Night Live member?" Nobody ever wins.

22

29

42

30.4

32.1

32.9

.460

.440

0.0%

0.3%

0.3%

-0.4%

-0.3%

They already have 30 triples this year, as many or more than 17 teams hit last season.

23

36

36

33.1

32.3

32.4

.493

.473

13.7%

11.2%

24.9%

3.8%

-3.9%

Ryan Zimmermann picked up his 10th win, or as he likes to call them, "winns."

24

30

41

30.0

31.7

32.1

.507

.487

7.5%

1.9%

9.4%

-2.1%

-2.3%

25

34

36

36.9

30.5

31.7

.472

.492

1.4%

4.0%

5.3%

-1.0%

0.5%

I don't know what they do on off days, but judging by their stats I imagine they don't go on a ... WALK!

26

35

38

30.9

31.8

31.2

.459

.439

3.1%

2.5%

5.6%

0.1%

-0.3%

The Phillies should trade Cliff Lee for — wait, hear me out — Cliff Lee. Win-win for all teams involved.

27

28

41

29.0

28.6

28.2

.452

.432

0.3%

0.5%

0.9%

0.1%

0.2%

David Wright's 20th career multi-homer game was his fifth against the Braves. If he's not careful he's going to get a reputation as a Brave killer.

28

29

41

30.1

29.3

27.7

.436

.456

0.0%

0.1%

0.1%

-0.3%

-1.1%

"Danks For Nothing" — Chicago newspaper headline or proposed trade?

29

28

46

28.0

24.6

26.3

.373

.392

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Carlos Pena hit his sixth career walkoff homer. The only team he hasn't homered against is the Cubs, but he's never faced them either. How convenient.

30

23

49

24.7

21.5

21.3

.360

.342

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

It's entirely possible Tom Koehler picked the wrong night to take a no-hitter into the sixth inning, given the general state of Miami sports.