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Wednesday December 25, 2013 7:12 AM

While I’m away, readers give the advice.

•
On possible responses to a friend’s serious illness:

On two occasions, I have had friends with extended treatments for illnesses. Neither of them
could be around people because of immunity issues, and the treatments were exhausting.

In addition to occasional calls to find out how they were doing, I sent cards — but not “Get
well” or “Thinking of you” cards. Instead, I sent cards for graduation, new baby, retirement, bar
mitzvah, bon voyage — whatever odd card I could find.

The result was that the friends knew I was thinking of them and had a little laugh at the
content.

They expressed how good it was to have good thoughts sent without a reminder of the illness.

— K.

When I was in my last semester in college, I became terribly ill and developed a severe form of
rheumatoid arthritis.

I lost a lot of “friends” who didn’t know how to deal with my condition, and I didn’t know how
to ask them to help me.

But one friend, “Susie,” helped me brush my teeth and eat, and held my hand while we walked when
I feared I would fall.

Seven years later, on the day before Thanksgiving, she was told she had Stage 3 breast
cancer.

I lived eight hours away, but I sent her a card every week telling her about the stupid things
going on in my life — which is what she wanted to hear about. The cards arrived every week on the
day of her chemo treatment.

I also called once a week and checked in with her mom, who would tell me whether Susie felt well
enough to talk.

Today, Susie is cancer-free. In 2011, I had a little girl and named her Susie, after the
greatest woman I know.

— S.

• On the teaching of manners to children:

We taught our daughter good manners by having Bad Manners Night.

I served spaghetti for maximum slurping; elbows were all over the table; we talked with food in
our mouths; and so on. It was completely hilarious, and it went on for hours. My husband and I kept
thinking up more and more bad manners, and demonstrating them with aplomb.

After that, we could say things such as “Oh, I see you put your knife in your mouth. You should
remember to do that the next time we have Bad Manners Night.” It worked.

She would catch us, too — which was part of the fun.

We had Bad Manners Night a couple of times but decided to shut it down after we included my
parents and Dad came to the table without a shirt.