Tuesday, 7 February 2017

Top 10 New Mummy Tips... x

From my beautiful Sister in Law Kate x

Hi all, I just want to Thank My wonderful Sister in law Renee for asking me to share my experiences as a mum. Renee is a very talented, inspiring person so it's an honour that she's asked me to be a part of her blog.

So my story...

I'm Kate aged 32, Mum and Step Mum to 4 amazing children. I'm married to my wonderful husband Robin, who also brought Alex (8 years) into my life and we have Isabelle (3 years) together. I have 2 older children from my previous relationship, Ellie (14 years) and Charlie (9 years). I work 30 hours a week and just about cope with juggling everyday life which is made so much easier due to childcare from my parents (lifesavers).

Ok enough about me, when Renee asked me to share my Top Ten Parenting tips I thought yeah how hard could that be... well really hard as being a parent regardless of whether you are a new mum or mum for the 4th time is never text book or the same each time, every baby is different and every day brings new things. So i will try to share my experiences of being a new mum and what was important to get through each day.

Number 1: Let you partner, mum, friends whoever you have supporting you be involved as much as possible. It's so hard being a mum and balancing all the jobs that come with the role however baby will not love you any less if you have a nap and let gran take them for a walk or dad does all the feeding.

Number 2: Hold no regrets or guilt. As hard as it may be, do not dwell or regret on how things have turned out. So what if you didn't do yoga throughout pregnancy or you didn't have baby "naturally". Try to live for each day and focus on how far you has come and the little miracle you have produced. Trust me they don't remember and you will not gain anything from beating yourself up over things which are uncontrollable.

Number 3: Go with what makes you happy. If you want to bottle feed then go for it, if you prefer to give purée over a giving a carrot stick then do it. So many of us follow others as it's the "in thing" but the "in thing" changes every few years. For instance, when I had Ellie we were advised to wean at 3 months, when I had Charlie it was 4 months and then 6 months with Izzy. All of my babies have grown well and do not have any health problems. It's also amazing how many people become 'experts' and like to have a say in what you chose once you mutter the P word, do whatever makes YOU happy.

Number 4: Baby should fit into your life. Yes that little human changed it drastically but they can fit into your life too. Why should you stop going to the cinema or enjoying a meal with friends due to having a baby, most places are baby/ toddler friendly. This point also means that you do not have to sit and watch them sleep or feel panicked if you haven't picked them up as soon as they make a sound. Being balanced is healthy.

Number 5: always carry bribes... yes yes yes we should not bride our children to sit nicely or be quiet whilst you have a conversation however real life does not work that way and that packet of milky buttons could save you a meltdown in Asda when trying to load your weekly shop whilst being death starred by inpatient onlookers.

Number 6: try not to get involved with... the whole "well my child was spelling their name at 13 months" or " my child slept a whole night by 3 weeks" in reality most children do not do this and if they do then good for them. One persons comment could make another worry/panic and stress over a perfectly healthy/normal child. I remember a lady at playgroup once telling me that her child once slept a whole night at 3 weeks, after some questioning what she actually should have said was that her child slept from 11pm- 4pm... my love that is not 7pm-7am which us humans class as a full nights sleep.

Number 7: it is fine to think "oh my god, what have we done".... most people think it yet are too worried to actually say it incase they are a "bad parent". Adding a new addition to your family changes everything. Your body, mind, sex life, relationships, finances, Everything!! So yes it's normal to look at that tiny bundle and think "I wish I had my life as it was" when they are screaming at 2am and you still have huge maternity knickers on with your massive feeding bra. As long as you do not feel this all the time and you do not wish to harm yourself or child then move on and forget that thought. Please speak to someone if the thoughts continue. I had PND (post natal depression) with my first and there is a huge amount of support out there for parents now and it's not just mums that suffer as dad's can too.

Number 8: Enjoy the cuddles. As they grow the days just go faster and faster. It's true that before you know it they will be at school or telling you that it's uncool to kiss you in the school yard. Someone once told me to never let go of your child first if they come to you for a hug as one day they may not ask you anymore. Sad but true. Those little terrors can make everything better with their tiny arms wrapped around your neck.

Number 9: Routine. I am a strict 8pm mum. The kitchen closes, kids should be settled and I can have a glass of wine with my hubby. I firmly believe that sleep helps with behaviour and mental attitude ( both kids and parents) and by establishing a bedtime routine I believe my kids focus better at school and handle their day well. My teenager loves to tell me at 9pm (bedtime) that she needs a item of food for the following day or her PE kit needs washed... this does not go down well!

Number 10: forget your old body. After 3 Cesarean sections I can well and truly say that my stomach will never look or feel the same again. I have lumps and bumps where I didn't know they could exist and my boobs resemble dogs ears due to breastfeeding. So how do I get over it, well I don't. There's parts I hate however I hate exercising, it's such a chore after work and kids to sort so I try to eat well (However the wine remains!) My lifesaver is good underwear, tights and dresses which don't cling. I have had a huge argument with my skinny jeans and we have fallen out big time after Christmas' food and drink so dresses/ skirts are the new me and I'm embracing my curves. It's so important to eat and drink (not wine) well in the first few months that you should not be looking at celebs who have shed all their baby weight before leaving hospital and making yourself ill. It took 9 moths to grow your baby, give yourself at least that time before thinking about diets. Also I just want to add that my true belief is whatever size you are, it's confidence which makes you glow.

Well that's a bit of info about me and my thoughts on parenthood. As I say, everyone is different and have different opinions, it would be boring otherwise however one thing we all have is that we are doing our best by our babies (even if it does mean we watch Peppa Pig for the millionth time).