I can barely sit in traffic for five minutes without screaming and threatening to kill everyone else around me, but nine days? I'd nuke the entire damn planet. Shit, the moon too. What?! I'm not crapping in the backseat again!

Thousands of vehicles were bogged down Monday in a more than 100-kilometre (62-mile) traffic jam leading to Beijing that has lasted nine days and highlights China's growing road congestion woes.

The Beijing-Tibet expressway slowed to a crawl on August 14 due to a spike in traffic by cargo-bearing heavy trucks heading to the capital, and compounded by road maintenance work that began five days later, the Global Times said.

The state-run newspaper said the jam between Beijing and Jining city had given birth to a mini-economy with local merchants capitalising on the stranded drivers' predicament by selling them water and food at inflated prices.

No lie: I'd rather do anything than sit in traffic. Including dying. "But GW, it's just traffic -- is it really worth losing your life over?" Yes, it 100% is. "Then, uh, why the hell did you move to LA?" Listen -- enough with the questions, smart-ass!