This morning, like last night I find myself in a reflective mood. After a fitful night full of unsettling dreams I sit here in the early dark disturbed by what my dreams have touched on. In an attempt to clear my mind of these niggles I have written a Naani.

I have been telling you all, about (I hope) the last few weeks of weaning myself off ofGabapentin. It’s a neuropathic painkiller. I have been on it for over eight years I have weaned myself down from four times six hundred mgs a day to one hundred mgs twice a day. With no great help from the doctors who just want to hand them out like sweets to keep me quite. This week I am altenating between one hundred mgs morning and night one day and just one hundred grams in the evening on the alternate day. It is hard,harder than I thought. This last part is so hard I just want to reach for the pills. So you guys can help me by listening to me writing itout.

A big thank you for baring with me.

Well I have not said anything about how the withdrawal has been going for a while. So I thought I let you all know how things are going.

My mood is very low, I feel like crying most of the time so I do have to fight it. Everything upsets me, the tone of hubby’s voice, TV , adverts, reading blogs, writing blogs..you get the picture.

Pain, I am in a lot of pain , I am determined to fight it and am using every weapon in my Armoury to do so… But it is constantly there.

Exhaustion I am way past tired! Anxiety levels are very high, temper short! Spiders on and off. Sniffing, it’s driving me mad. I did think this would be the easy part.Enough no more negatives. I am still standing, I am down to 100mgs of Gabapentin every other evening, from 2,400gms a day. This has taken me two and a half years to achieve.

The weekend was hard, a friend was ill on Friday evening and I was at her house until 1am , then Saturday I spent the morning with her at the hospital. Thankfully is okay she now but the sitting around did nothing for my pain and stress levels.. I am getting good at hiding these though.

Wednesday we went to London for Prime Minister’s Question Time. It was very interesting and the weather was gorgeous. But the train journeys and sitting in very cramped conditions for the PMQs for over an hour was painful and stressful.

Hubby did get a little miffed with me because he said I was ratty, miserable and a tad awkward. He took a photo of me on the train going home…. I do look “miserable” but I did try. I certainly did not complain.

I was actually tired and in pain. But hey it had been a long day enjoyable but long.

I survived.

Yesterday and today hubby been staying at our eldest flat on the south coast, helping him decorate it so he can sell it. I have done things at my own speed so I am feeling little less anxious.

The weekend looms and I know it will be busy. I am getting there but it’s harder than I thought. Hey ho I am nearly there!

Friends tell me I doing great at that I look okay … I just wish I felt okay.

There he lay on the summit of the Clift next to the castle. He knew he was dieing, his wound was mortal.

The gaping hole just above his tail had long since stopped hurting. He was so tired and cold. Both the feeling of tiredness and cold were new to him. Always the internal fires he owned had kept him warm and there was no room for tiredness in the life of a Dragon king.

He looked across to the castle where his beloved mate was clearly visible. She looked glorious even in death affixed to the turret and covered in gold.

He wept, he grieved a feeling until now unknown to him. He thought of revenge but it was too late he was already turning to stone.

Jane Dougherty has come up with a theme for May . It is 42, now Jane describes it thus: “42 after Douglas Adams’ answer to the question of life, the universe and everything. The form is like the Cherita in its structure with a bit of added interest. The first line/stanza asks a question or makes a statement that begs a question, the second stanza/two lines sets the scene or the background, the last stanza/three lines answers the question or resolves it in some way.