Tuesday, April 24, 2012

It has been more than five months since I had my last scoop of ice cream. I bit a piece of cheesecake smaller than my pinky finger nail three months back but my last decent slice of cake was six months back. I would really, really, really like to have an ice cold strawberry kiwi smoothie from Big Chill or a very thick strawberry milkshake in this intense heat. I would like to try the mochi ice cream near our condo which I sometimes hear people fuss about. Heck, even if I have a feeling that Magnum is just another ice cream bar, just more hyped up, I'd like to try it.

But I can't. I'm on a strict no-sugar, low-fat, low-sodium, low-oil diet because of my gestational diabetes. Even if I started my daily dose of insulin a month back, it's not enough to allow me the eat with the usual indulgence of a pregnant woman. Even my fruit intake has to be limited because my sugar will spike up if I eat an extra grape.

Since Christmas, I've watched people eat to their heart's and stomach's content. I spent Noche Buena drinking a glass of milk and a piece of toasted bread. I've been to parties with rich, decadent cakes that I would have gotten more than one slice on a regular day. I have to deal with opening our refrigerator every day only to see it brimming with Jan's chocolate bars and soft drinks and cookies.

I reached my tipping point when the hubby wanted to buy a half gallon of ice cream. I was in tears when I saw it on our grocery cart. I put my foot down and told him to take it back. He can have ice cream when I am not around or away on field work.

Other than that, I grin and bear it. I grin and bear it because I realize that this is an early lesson in motherhood.

If it were just me, I'd get that extra bite of fruit or take a small slice of cake. But I know that my indulgence will affect my little wriggler one way or the other. And I don't want that. If making sure he comes out healthy and happy will mean I have to give up on so many things I like eating, I will. I did.

I surprised myself that I could have this kind of discipline for the sake of some one other than myself. I guess this is what motherhood is about... self-sacrifice for the good of your child. And most of the time, there is no bitterness. Just determination. Determination that the best comes out of what you have given up. There are times, of course, that I falter. Like that ice cream incident.

That rule still stands in our household. No ice cream in the ref until I can start having it as well. I also need my sanity. Why be unnecessarily jealous every night, right? Also, fingers crossed, I'm flying to HK when I'm 32 weeks pregnant. It was a
chance to be with my family and I have some sponsors, so I'm taking
advantage of that. That's another reason why I'm taking good care of
myself too. I want to go to this trip. I want this last hurrah before I give birth. So that's another lesson I learned. Mothers need to leave something behind for themselves too. Because if you leave nothing, you become a mere shell with nothing else to give. Mothers will be able to give more to their children if they have more in them. There is no need to be guilty when you would like some time out with friends or some time alone and be away from your child for a short bit because you know after that, you would come running home to your child and your husband, ready for another surge of insane mothering and wifeyness.

So yes, there are days I just want to break the sugar fast and grab a scoop of ice cream. But then there's this wriggling little thing inside me that would kick and hiccup and remind me, the no sweets is s all worth it.

Not to mention, that I actually feel sexier now that I did pre-pregnancy. ;P