Men Express ThemselvesWhere men can share their points of view and more.Where women can learn about men.

MEN AND
INTIMACY: The 'Untold' Story

After conducting numerous workshops,
listening to men and women on the job, and men discussing their wives
at functions, I decided to let some of you ladies know just how many
men feel and think regarding intimacy non-sexual and sexual.

QUIZ-TIME, Ladies!

#1 - Do you always feel
like going to work?

#2 - Do you always feel
like visiting your in-laws?

#3 - Do you want to be
responsible for organizing and preparing meals, as often as you are?

#4 - Do you truly feel in
the mood to spend time with your children, every evening, after a
stressful day?

Bonus Question - Do you
enjoy being told that you are beautiful and being paid other
compliments?

WELL, IF YOU ANSWERED 'No'
to all 4 questions… Make that 3 questions… Okay! If even to 1 of
these queries, then this article is for you. - Especially if you can
answer 'Yes' to the bonus question. - The real question is: Do you
often reject or ignore your husband's amorous or affectionate
overtures?

HOLD ON! CONTINUE reading.
Why? Because deep down inside, you probably love your man. And would
like to avoid being ignored in return, or worse yet, being cheated
on, or ending up divorced.

MEN ARE LIKE BABIES. And
please do not say, "I know that. Every woman does! So tell me
something that I do not know, already."

TRUTH IS, babies thrive on
touch, on affection, and overt acceptance by the most important woman
in their life. Well, men are very similar. Without physical contact
of an affectionate or sexual nature, they, also, wither. And
withdraw. And become resentful. The difference is that to men, their
wife is their most important woman. (Perhaps except for TV's Raymond…
) - Have you known a man who is in love with his spouse, fail to beam
when complimented by her? Or not walk more confidently? Or try harder
to please her? Or… ?

YOUR BUTCHER or the
mailman probably gets more schmoozing and affection from you than
your husband does. Your girlfriend's lover probably gets a hug and a
kiss from you more often, as you greet him, than your man does. -
Don't think for a moment that your couch potato or workaholic husband
doesn't notice this and doesn't care.

"HE UNDERSTANDS THAT
BY THE END OF THE DAY, I'M JUST EXHAUSTED. He knows, deep down, that
I care. If life was only easier for us… " - Need I continue
with your side of the conversation? No! Because these truisms are
also lame excuses when you consider what you risk losing. -
Especially, today, when divorce and adultery are easier to obtain
than ever before, you need to be careful.

NOW, DON'T GET INTO AN
UPROAR or pout. I speak the truth. Many men might 'suffer in silence'
for years. But, there is a breaking point looming in the horizon. And
along the way, he will probably 'act out'. He might begin working
late, or tuning into mindless TV shows rather than into you.

DAILY RATIONS of
'stroking' or affection can be had easily by many of you. Whether
from the children or retailers or… You have numerous opportunities
which men often do not get. On-the-job comments made to a co-worker,
let alone the friendly hug or pat-on-the-back can result in
litigation for him. Children are often more physically affectionate
or tolerant of it, with their moms, than with their dads.

STOP REJECTING THE IMPACT
of your rejections! - Can you imagine in your wildest dreams being
turned down for important, personal needs, literally 1,000's of
times? Well, many married men can. - Can you imagine still wanting to
be intimate or even living with that person? Get the picture? Men do
often have fragile egos, despite frequently showing exteriors made of
rugged armor.

WHY REMAIN MARRIED? NOW
BEFORE you throw down this article or shout out, "Because of
love, you, idiot!" think of this. What probably made you choose
to marry the man behind the face that you see daily at the breakfast
table or on the pillow next to you, while watching Leno or Letterman?
Especially if you had other close, wonderful male friends? That thing
called 'love' is why. And a huge part of it was the physical,
romantic high that you shared with him. And, the soft, warm
closeness. The feeling of being safe, lying in his arms or wrapped
around one another. - Now, you might assume that it's no big deal
anymore, but it is still one to him! And, isn't he supposed to count
in the equation? He is not your roommate. He is your husband, lover,
and best friend.

DON'T TOUCH THAT DESSERT!
OR EAT IT! - Now, close your eyes. Imagine your favorite, decadent
dessert. Inhale it's scent. Picture allowing it to melt slowly in
your mouth, linger there, then slowly slide down your throat. Knowing
that you want to repeat this action until you become satiated or it
is time to get up for work or the children. Satiated for the moment,
though. Only to desire, crave it again, the next day. - Well, you are
your husband's sweetest, most desirable dessert! Imagine, now that
every night you had to sleep with your strong desire for this dessert
which lays upon your nightstand. So close… You can inhale it's
scent, drink in it's beauty with your eyes, but as you reach for it,
someone pushes you away and reprimands you for wanting it. Possibly
calling you a derogatory name, such as 'animal', 'pig'. - Now,
imagine your husband lying by your side, drinking in your beauty, but
frequently being rejected. Only to return the next evening for a
repeat performance. It hurts, Ladies! Men do have feelings.

TOSSING HIM A BONE. - Many
of you believe that by acquiescing once a month or maybe quarterly,
to his desires, you have performed your 'wifely duties'. That he
should be more than satisfied. But think about that dessert again.
Would that frequency, balanced against the nightly temptation of it,
truly be sufficient? And men are not stupid. That way, at least! They
know that your heart isn't really into it. How? Maybe it's the few
times that you do it. Or that once you each climax, you are the one
who immediately rolls over on their side and says, "Now go to
sleep," instead of cuddling in one another's arms or resting
your head on his chest.

DEGRADING. - Can you
picture just how degrading this all is to your husband? All for true
or pseudo-intimacy?

THE 'MOOD'. - Baloney! How
many things do you do in the course of the day for virtual strangers
or for other loved ones, when you would rather not be doing them? And
please do not say, "But that's the point! At night, I don't want
to have to please one more person, unless that person is myself!"
- Now, if your man is selfish and doesn't care about meeting your
intimacy needs, than that's one matter. But even then, have you
communicated that problem to him? - Don't you also get pleasure once
you begin relations? An even more 'novel concept' would be, you
actually taking pleasure in making this person with whom you share
your life, meals, failures, and successes, happy!

"SEX. SEX. SEX. IT"S
ALWAYS about sex. No romance!" - Well, perhaps so. But perhaps
you also are misreading his signals. Perhaps snuggling behind you,
and stroking you gently, is simply his way to wind down and show you
just how special you are in his life. And if you believe that letting
him do this will result in the touch becoming sexual, you are making
an assumption that could deny you the romance, for which a part of
you longs. And even if it were to become sexual, think of this.
Someone prepares your favorite entrée, but then offers you dessert.
You would likely go for it! And that's not wrong. Cut your spouse
some slack, okay?

"I'M UNATTRACTIVE. I
DON'T FEEL DESIRABLE." - Please don't use that excuse, Ladies.
Obviously, your man is not blind. But he loves and desires you! You!
So, revel in it! Don't hide from his gaze by having the lights off,
when intimate. Most men want to see their bride, their lover, when
loving her. You might even feel awkward undressing in front of him,
but doing so is an insult in his eyes.

"I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH,
SMART ENOUGH, OR … ENOUGH FOR HIM." - So what you are saying
is that he has poor taste in women, and more importantly, in a
life-mate. Hmm… So, why is it that he should stay around? -
Likewise, if your boss offers you a promotion or the PTA offers you
an award to honor your skills, do you turn them down saying that you
don't deserve it?

"HE'S NOT ATTRACTIVE
TO ME ANYMORE." - Well, maybe subtly and nicely give him the
message and incentives to work on his weight or hygiene or whatever
it is that turns you off. If he is moody and distant why not try to
discover the cause of it? And work through it together?

THE OTHER MAN OR woman. -
Infidelity is not the exclusive province of men. It never has been.
If you are having an affair or are in love with someone else, do the
honorable thing. Be responsible and grownup. Tell your spouse the
truth. You owe him that much. - If the affair or fling is over…
truly over… get past yourself, your guilt. And move on. Do not
burden him with it.

SPEAKING OF TRUTH… -
That can be a manipulative and harmful game, itself. Let's presume
that you no longer love your husband. At least not romantically. You
need to tell him that. Be straight about it. If this is not part of
the typical marriage ups-and-downs, say so. Don't play him. It's
truly not your place to want him to stay around for the money,
prestige, power, children, to avoid divorce,… It's not your place
to decide whether he is getting enough other benefits from the
marriage to warrant him staying with you. The odds are, this is not
the only arena of life where your lack of love and emotions show.

ANGER. RESENTMENT.
FRUSTRATION. - Yup! All valid feelings because they are your
emotions. - Now, try to see whether or not they are truly due to his
behaviors. Or if you are taking things out on him. Remember telling
little Suzie not to yell at littler Billy because she was grounded or
didn't make the soccer team? Chastising your husband for punishing
the children, since he can't tell his boss what an a____ she was to
him? -Your husband is not a punching bag. - And if your hostility is
really because of what he has or hasn't done, confront him.
Respectfully. Assertively. Maybe you can work things out. Perhaps you
cannot. But at least make the attempt. Perhaps you will discover that
the problems are not really in his control to change. Or change,
easily. - Perhaps your feelings are the result of 'life' more than
him. - If you can't get past these feelings, seek professional help.
Because two miserable people living under the same roof, sharing a
bed is miserable. Life is too short for that.

FORGOTTEN ANNIVERSARIES,
VALENTINE'S DAY… - If your man forgot to give you a card or present
or wine and dine you for your anniversary or Valentine's Day, you
would probably be at least disappointed and most likely, very angry.
Well, do you celebrate these days by being intimate with him? A
special hug, kiss, snuggling, or even passion? How about on his
birthday? What better present than…

EXCUSES. - Your husband
undoubtedly knows when you are finessing him, whether or not he lets
on to it.

LOSS OF A SEX DRIVE. -
Whoa! Does showing basic affection, with a hug, kiss, or snuggling
require a sex drive? Holding hands?

THE 'LITTLE THINGS'. - Do
you leave your husband little love notes? Give him flowers? A card
just because you love him? Do you sneak up to him and plant a
passionate kiss on him? How about a hug? Men eat these things up, as
well as women.

" HE'S ALWAYS WANTING
IT. WE DO IT ENOUGH TIMES." - There really is no set number of
times to be intimate. But non-sexual intimacy might be more doable
more often? And if you have sex only once a month, that's twelve
times or approx. 3% of the year. Would you consider doing something
you truly love, only once every 100 days, to be satisfying? And if
you do it quarterly, that's 1% of a year. - Get the picture? The
odds are that you are getting your way of not being intimate far many
more times than he gets what he wants.

NOT A POWER STRUGGLE. -
Intimacy should not be one. Or a once a year or semi-annual event.
Relish your man! Get lost in his arms and swim in the sea that is
your love.

THINK ABOUT THESE IDEAS!
TRY THEM! YOU MIGHT JUST LIKE (LOVE) BEING INTIMATE, AGAIN!