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Friday, September 23, 2011

A Quick & Angry Cafe Rant

The second Campaign Challenge called for "a quick, angry cafe rant" in which we were asked to do the following:

Write
a blog post in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any
format, whether flash fiction, non-fiction, humorous blog musings,
poem, etc. The blog post should:

include the word "imago" in the title

include the following 4 random words: "miasma," "lacuna," "oscitate," "synchronicity,"

If
you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional and included in
the word count), make reference to a mirror in your post.

For those who want an even greater challenge (optional), make your post 200 words EXACTLY!

I wasn't able to squeeze in a mirror reference, but I did manage to bring it in at exactly two hundred words (harder than it sounds). And so, for your reading pleasure I give you:

***

Imago and the
Rain of Steel

Imago was there
when I walked in. He was always there.

After the nearby
“luxury lofts” opened up, he’d invaded our café with his laptop and his
smartphone and his loudness, turning it from a writer’s Shangri-La into a
miasma of literary despair.

Looking around,
I saw the place was filled with regulars, all struggling authors. We’d earned
our chairs by ordering a cup, then shutting up and writing. Imago, named after the
word printed on his “personal” mug, was killing the vibe. He’d shattered our creative
mojo with his nonstop blathering.

I ordered then
sat down next to Benny.

“Imago’s wearing
a Lacuna Coil t-shirt. Bet he’s never even
heard their music,” he whispered. “And the douche used ‘oscitate’ in a sentence before
you came in. I looked it up. It means, ‘to yawn’. I hate him.”

“Good. That’ll help.”

Barista Meg brought my coffee and waited. They were all waiting.

“Yeah, let’s do this.”

With clumsy synchronicity, we rose from our
seats while Meg locked the door. Imago found himself surrounded by authors—with
hammers.

“What?”

I snorted, clueless as always.

“I’ll tell you what,” I said, fingering the handle
of a shortened sledge. “SHUT THE F**K UP!”

***
Personally, I like the visual of a bunch of angry authors with hammers, but maybe that's just me. ;c)

UPDATE: Here's a link to the list. My story's #72 (just in case you're looking for something to "like").

Lol, I know it isn't a coincidence. I did a angry cafe rant too. But the hatred of hipsters and yuppies and buppies and wannabes of the sort with their inconsiderate, narcissistic, self-important loudness is, indeed, a universal thing for all of us born half-human, half-coffee/cookie.

It is an absolute universal!This is an awesome, awesome, close-to-the-heart, real-time real-life post and in swells up vindictive justice within me to hush up all those alien entities that would dare use their laptops and iPhones for the forces of evil and make me drop my cookie in my tea while I wait for them to acknowledge my eyes of writhing horror.

It would make my day if I got your real thoughts on my angry cafe rant. http://bit.ly/qSEM68

Deeply appreciate the kindred hatred that we share. I wouldn't mind building a movement dedicated to wiping away these loud-mouth species from our coffee tables.Call me whatever is convenient, thx for the visit.Now let us build this revolution!

Okay, I'm an idiot. For some reason (most likely that I'm an idiot) I thought they all were supposed to be little short rants set in a cafe. I'm serious. I picked up the details for the second challenge from MyTricksterGod's blog (see link in original post) and, seeing that example (notice the similar/identical post titles), assumed they were all to be in that setting.

Right now, you're probably saying, "Oh surely, he can't be that clueless." Oh yes, I can. Trust me. Nevermind that as I read and voted for other peoples stories I only had a vague notion that "Hmm, this one (and this one and this one...) isn't particularly rant-y and didn't have anything to do with a cafe -- the challenge was to write a cafe rant, dammit! Nevermind that MyTricksterGod had mentioned early on in my comments section that we had both written a cafe rant (what a coincidence!). Only just now (when David Powers King mentioned that this was the *second* cafe rant he'd seen) did it dawn on me what I'd done.

I'm very sorry about this (MyTricksterGod must've thought it was way beyond weird). I don't make this kind of mistake very often, but when I do, it tends to be a doozy.

That is actually a wonderful idea-- the next writer's campaign challenge should have a specific topic in mind next time.

But I don't see why you have to apologize...

do you not want to use a hammer to smash in the faces of those otherWorldly loud-mouths that are too narcissistically inconsiderate of your valuable, society-changing works to give you the concentration you need?

I was serious about starting this coffee revolution, it should be done!

Wow; that was a lot of emotion for me and thank goodness I was trying so hard to figure out if you and Trickster were the same person [which would have been cool and scary] that the image of an angry mob with hammers[how my brother was murdered] Getting that image out of my head I saw the humor. Nice job...I have been making a bunch of mistakes lately also...it's the release thing:)

Thanks, Christine, I'm glad you enjoyed it. On my way to check out yours.

Doreen, Holy crap! I'm so sorry to hear that your brother was murdered. I can't imagine how horrible that would be (for him and his loved ones). Thanks for seeing the humor in the piece. Again, I think it might be difficult for you to think of hammers as a "funny" weapon.

And yeah, when I make mistakes, I make'em big. Thankfully MyTricksterGod was cool about it.