ARA: She doesn’t want to wear the bridesmaid dress

My friend has been asked to be a bridesmaid in her brothers upcoming wedding. The bride is in her late twenties, as are the other bridesmaids. My friend however is 41, and uncomfortable at the thought of wearing the preselected bridesmaid dress which is a rather short minidress. As a 41 year old married mother of three (who happens to have an awesome bod) she just doesn’t want to be seen wearing a minidress in public. How can she keep the peace without ho-ing it out in the minidress?

26 Responses

Personally, I’d say that if she has a rockin’ bod, she should be proud and flaunt it!! But if she’s uncomfortable, perhaps she could request that her dress just be a bit longer than the 20 somethings? I can’t see why this would be a huge deal to be honest.

Why not let her wear a similar longer dress of the same color from the same designer? When I got married my wife gave the bridesmaids the option to wear either a dress with straps or without since she knew not everyone would be comfortable with strapless. Sure, it’s your day, but IMO it’s inconsiderate to make someone wear something they don’t feel comfortable in.

There might be a way for a skilled tailor to make the hem longer without taking away from the dress or having it appear drastically different from the other girls. If the bride won’t give she obviously can’t want “Reader” in the wedding too badly, I’d decline and simply be a guest.

Yes, tell the bride how she feels as soon as possible. Just because you love the bridesmaids dresses on the hangers doesn’t mean they’re going to look good on everyone in your party. I went to a wedding where a friend had an older female relative in the wedding party, and she didn’t look horrible, but the woman had to wear wear bright purple dress with spaghetti straps standing next to girls at least 20 years younger…you could tell she was not comfortable. Some women might be comfortable doing it, and that’s great, but obviously the reader’s friend doesn’t like the idea.

I agree with all those who recommend requesting a similar dress. These kinds of adjustments are made all the time – think pregnant bridesmaids. And the younger bridesmaids might be uncomfortable about this and too shy to say so. Even when I was young and fit, I would never want to wear a short or strapless dress in a church. I would turn down bridesmaid invitations because I didn’t want to “ruin” a bride’s day. (Unfortunately, without telling the bride why.) Now that I’m older and wiser, I realize that most (well, many, at least) brides want a particular person in their wedding more than they want a particular dress.

At least she doesn’t have the problem of being the tallest bridesmaid. The wedding I’m going to be in, the bride, maid of honor, 2 bridesmaids and the junior bridesmaid are all under 5 feet tall. I’m 5’8″. And the Bride, being the accomidating sort, is letting us pick our own dresses. The only requirement is that they be dark brown.

I think she should just let the bride know her predicament and see if a happy medium can’t be arranged.

I’m with Kay. You know what? This is the bride’s day. It’s not like people are going to be staring at the hot mom in the minidress anyway. You do what the bride wants, just like your friends presumably did for your big day. I say this having worn some awful dresses myself without ever having thought of objecting.

No bride wants her maids to look foolish or uncomfortable. Obviously, the bride thinks that the reader’s friend will look good in the dress – or she wouldn’t suggest it. By telling her that you don’t like it – you risk offending her, as you are basically saying that you don’t think she has the taste level to pick out the dresses for her wedding.

Let it go, wear the dress, its all about creating the look that the bride wants. For the bride’s maid – its another wedding, another day of your life – but for the bride – it will be one of the most special days of her entire life.

I was just recently a bridesmaid in my brother’s wedding, and the dress his bride chose for her girls was beautiful….as long as you were not 6 months pregnant, as I was…..I had to buy a dress MANY sizes too large, and all the tayloring in the world wasn’t making it look as good on me as it did her slender and tall sisters! But, I never felt like I had the option of asking for something different, or declining. It’s just a few hours, and as long as it makes the bride and groom happy, I think the “reader” should also, just deal with whatever that taylor can do!

I told my bride – a wedding is about 1. Creating an image or 2. creating a day where you gather with your friends and loved ones to celebrate the creation of a marriage.
If the bridesmaid will feel uncomfortable, better for her to bow out and wear a comfortable outfit as a guest and enjoy the special day.

Bridesmaids in minidresses? Interesting thought!
Could just be the bride believes that all the bridesmaids will look good in them and that as her future SIL has a great bod, she will be happy to wear one. This has to be about open, honest conversation – if the bride knows how her future SIL feels, she may be open to a compromise – if not, SIL can always politely decline the honor.

I agree with Kay and the others who’ve supported her opinion. When you say yes to being a bridesmaid, you are committing yourself to all that goes along with that, including paying for and wearing the dress the bride has chosen. Most brides are not going to purposely pick a dress that looks horrible on anyone, so just suck it up and wear the dress even if you don’t like it. Most of us have had to do it at some point.

Rather than whine to friend about not wanting to wear a mini dress… here is an original idea talk to the bride! See if alterations to make the dress a little longer can be done and if the bride approves. Otherwise, suck it up and deal, that is what you get for agreeing to be a bridesmaid.

Over 10 years ago I was in a wedding and waited too long to express my dislike for the dress. Basically the dress got me to hate the whole idea of this wedding, I should have backed out. If the first thing this bridesmaid does when asked about the wedding is to complain about the dress choice, she should not be in it.
For the wedding I was in, it was the last time the bride spoke to me. I don’t blame her, and when I got married 5 years later I had one less friend and bridesmaid at my wedding.