GUY: I just, I want you to know I didn't used to be like this. Before I meet your sister I was like this normal guy who sold beepers and cellular phones.

PHOEBE: Well, I mean look it's, it's not your fault, you know. I mean this is just what, what she does to guys, okay.

GUY: Well thanks.

PHOEBE: Wait, you know what, I got a little story. When I was in Junior High School I went through this period where I thought I was a witch. And there was this guidance counselor who said something to me, that I think will help you a lot. He said okay, 'you're not a witch you're just an average student.' See what I'm saying?

GUY: Not really.

CHANDLER: Do I look fat?

ROSS and RACHEL: Noo.

CHANDLER: Okay, I accept that. When Janice asked me and I said no, she took that to mean that I was calling her a cow.

RACHEL: Okay, walk us through it, honey, walk us through it.

CHANDLER: Okay, well. Janice said 'Hi, do I look fat today?' And I, I looked at her...

ROSS: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You looked at her. You never look. You just answer, it's just a reflex. Do I look fat? Nooo! Is she prettier than I am? Noo! Does size matter?

RACHEL: Nooo!

ROSS: And it works both ways.

CHANDLER: Okay, so you both just know this stuff?

RACHEL: Well you know, after about thirty or forty fights, you kinda catch on.

ROSS: Okay, for instance. Let's say, Janice is coming back from a trip and she gives you two options. Option number 1 she'll take a cab home from the airport. Option 2 is you can meet her at baggage claim. Which do you do?

CHANDLER: That's easy, baggage claim.

ROSS: Wrong! Now you're single. It's actually secret option number three, you meet her at the gate. That way she knows you love her.

CHANDLER: Okay, this is good, this is good. All right listen, I have one. Janice likes to cuddle, at night, which, you know I'm all for. But, uh, you know when you want to go to sleep, you want some space. So, uh, how do I tell her that without, you know, accidentally calling her fat or something.

ROSS: Okay the sleeping thing. Very tricky business, but there is something you can do.

CHANDLER: Well, I thought you guys were cuddlily sleepers.

ROSS: Noo! No, not cuddlily, not me, just her. I'm like you, I need the room. Okay, come here. (they sit on the couch and Ross puts his hands on Chandler's shoulder and thigh.) Okay, you're in bed...

CHANDLER: Yeah.

ROSS: I'm gonna use the cushion.

CHANDLER: Yeah.

ROSS: Okay, you're in bed. She's over on your side, cuddling. Now you wait for her to drift off, and then you hug her and roll her back over to her side of the bed. And then you rollll a-way. Hug for her! Roll for you.

CHANDLER: Okay, the old hug and roll.

ROSS: Yep.

CHANDLER: Okay, one question.

ROSS: Shoot.

CHANDLER: You're pretending the pillow's a girl right?

MONICA: Joey, take your time with that. That's my last batch.

JOEY: No more jam?!

RACHEL: Well, what happened to your jam plan?

MONICA: I figured out I need to charge seventeen bucks a jar just to break even. So, I've got a new plan now. Babies.

CHANDLER: Well, you're gonna need much bigger jars.

ROSS: What are you talking about?

MONICA: I'm talking about me having a baby.

ROSS: What?

RACHEL: Are you serious?

MONICA: Yeah. The great thing about the jam plan was, I was taking control of my life. So I asked myself, what is the most important thing to me in the world and that's when I came up with the baby plan.

ROSS: Well, aren't you forgetin' something? What, what, what is uh, what is that guy's name? Dad!

MONICA: It took me 28 years to find one man that I wanna spend my life with, if I have to wait another 28 years then, I'll be 56 before I can have a baby, and that's just stupid.

CHANDLER: That, that's what's stupid.

MONICA: I don't need an actual man, just a couple of his best swimmers. And there, there are places you can go to get that stuff.