Spoof news stories from Monday 19 December 2011

General Sam Dong-ten, head of the North Korea's massive military, attempted to squash rumors today that the death of Kim Jong-il and the deployment of the nations first remotely controlled drone 'Glorious Leader' was nothing more than a total coincid...

PYONGYANG - Bobby Jones, move over. In the after-world of departed golfers who quit the game while they were ahead, Jones stood alone since 1930. The golf legend who retired an amateur at age 28 after winning four of the sports's major championshi...

Local walkers rambling in West Sussex stumbled across an ancient wood last weekend. Covering about 10 acres, it had never ever featured on any ordnance survey maps. "It's a bloody good wood," said walk leader Woody Rudd.
The residents of Goodwood...

Stock markets rallied this week after Bloomberg news ran a story of an imminent stock market rise. The original source of the story was Elvis Yeung, regular contributor to the Bloomberg channel and investment analyst for Texas based S.F. Prophecy &am...

After 17 years in power of the world's most isolated country (no not Britain), North Korea's leader Kim-Jong Il has died at the age of 69. It is thought that poorly-fitted spectacles led to his death. His Prime Minister released a statement which sim...

Adapting Royal Navy submarines to allow women to serve on them will cost £30 million, MPs were told. Defence Secretary Ivor Hammond-Organ said the money would allow women to have separate accommodation on the submarines; each room would have its own...

Emmaus, PA - The smell of something rotten is in the air in Emmaus. Emmaus, according to local constable Finass, used to smell pretty fine. But now the constable often complains of bad odors, especially when called upon to arrest one of the many ba...

WASHINGTON - Not since Britain Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain signed the Munich Agreement with Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini in September 1938 has there been such a one-sided agreement that affected another country.
In that agreement the...

1. Join the Church of Scientology for a few years. (Remember the name of the game is to get rid of your children for 12 years, yes 12 years!!)
2. Renounce your faith in Scientology.
3. Allow the "church" to write up a contract for 1 billion years. (Why 1 billion years?)
4. Let them send away child/children to catch a jet to Australia.
5. They will then be given a boarding pass for two...

North Koreans are mourning because their beloved leader, Kim Jung-Il (very), has died, (the official version).
North Koreans are dancing for joy because their hated leader has just died, thank God (unofficial version).
A successor to the thron...

Baghdad -- The United States military today is celebrating a major win in Iraq. American troops are heading home after setting the world record for the longest and most expensive stop and frisk in the history of law enforcement.
"It seems like onl...

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Well the United States Congress certainly did not waste any time in passing the "Okay Guys and Gals, Let's Chip In To Help Rebuild Iran Bill."
Just as the last American soldier was leaving Iran, a special session of Congress was...

PYONGYANG - North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il has died and with him, many believe, will drop the intense demand for pirated American movies in that country.
Jong-Il made it no secret that he loved most anything that came out of Hollywood and accor...

Exclusive by Anastasia Scaffold-Minge, fashion editor for 'Fanny' magazine.
Darlings, I have barely stepped my Jimmy Choo trotters back on British soil after returning from Paris Fashion Week, but I just had to tell you about the stunning, a-ma-zing new winter collection from the Spice-formally-known-as-Posh, aka that jammy, talentless cow
who married a premiership footballer (but you didn't...

HOLLYWOOD - One of the most tattooed women in America has just agreed to be the host of her very own reality game show.
Kat Von D, the ex-future wife of "Messy" Jesse James spoke with Sangria Wine of TV ClickerWorld and told her that production on...

Already setting up in the harsh desert of Death Valley, the Kardashian family with their less than photogenic accompaniment of husbands arrived unscathed at their central campsite to begin season 25 of the Survivor television series.
Emotional fi...

HOLLYWOOD - The producers of America's Got Talent after spending months and months trying to figure out who would be taking Piers Morgan's vacated judges' job have finally found a replacement.
It has been announced that after much behind-the-scene...

In a surprise move that surprised nobody, the Prime Minister has confirmed that George Osborne is to be split into two. The move is expected to significantly strengthen the UK's economic fortunes, while also confirming once and for all whether the Ch...

London - A drop of hemlock in her bedtime Horlicks (sic) may be the preferred method to dispatch HM to the land of perpetual royal nod.
Secret deals between Palace courtiers and No 10 have picked tomorrow's Festival of Lights ceremonies to finally...

The world of golf was today morning a lost champion in the North Korean leader Kim Jing-il. Aficionados of the sport will remember Jong-il for his legendary one and only game where he hit a 68 below par score that contained no less than 11 holes in o...

North Pole lawyers were busy this week at the Elf County Courthouse, trying to arrange bail and some time sensitive freedom for Dasher, Blitzen and Vixen, three of Santa's primary reindeer team. Judge Judy Friesfrost denied an early release based on...

Anti-Europe Party You Kip leader Nigel Barrage has been found asleep at the bottom of the stairs at 10 Downing Street.
This new political tactic of a 'Sleep In' has been adopted in order to cause maximum publicity for the mesage of the Party. Seve...

Pyongyang - French sauces (sick) described it today as a classic case of le petit mort 'but with knobs on' as the North Korean leader's diminutive body was found RIP aboard a bullet train to No-Where, North Korea.
Widespread media reporting has no...

The Death of Kim Jong Ill has come at a perfect time for David Cameron. It has given him the opportunity of thanking Nick Clegg by proposing him as the new leader of North Korea.
In a statement from Downing Street Cameron announced that 'Our Supre...

We do so love a love story here in news world, and we are thrilled to exclusively announce that 80's 'So Macho' warbler and Simon Cowell brown noser, Sinitta, is to marry her cockroach lover after a whirlwind romance.
During her recent stint in th...

A new report on the state of history teaching has been blasted by a leading historian.
Figures produced by Conservative MP Chris Skidmore, a member of the Commons all-party group on history, suggest that pupils in fewer than a third of state schoo...

A stroll around the Council House of Nottingham.
Recalling and comparing the quaint and individualistic nature of life in Nottingham comparing the three dates, 1890, 1963, and 2011, at the same location.
Long Row East
1890:
As you walk up Long Row East, watching out for the cyclists horse drawn trams, and pigeon pooh falling. On your left is the magnificent fascia of the decorative and...

HOLLYWOOD - Chaz Bono is still a little upset at not making it into the finals of this years edition of Dancing With The Stars.
The former daughter and now son of 60s singing icon Cher, who was 50 percent of the singing duo of Sonny & Cher rec...

CUCAMONGA - Tiger Woods participated in the Second Annual Heidi Montag Invitational Golf Tournament over the weekend.
The Cucamonga Chit-Chat Chronicle is reporting that Woods is extremely upset at being the victim of a hot dog throwing incident w...

Washington DC: The Islamic Republic News Agency (IRNA) reported that Iran had shot down an unmanned US surveillance drone. A US government official Athena Papadakis blamed a malfunction for the drone making a soft landing, while flying over Fordo Ira...