This was a quote that I heard today, at the BlogHer conference, and that, combined with the questions I was asked in a video interview - yes, I was interviewed on camera, and it was super fun (because, hello, I talk all the time and have never met a stranger) - got me to thinking about something.

Why do people read my blog, I was asked.

My answer? To make them feel better about their choices and how they aren't screwing up quite as terribly as I am - was my answer. And it was funny, and it was a good sound bite, but it was also true and it also make me a tiny bit uncomfortable.

Because I am totally honest on this blog, and you guys know it. I'm honest about the truth and the toughness of parenting and how it sucks the every loving life out of me on a daily basis. How I go to bed with work undone and unfolded laundry and at any given day, at least two of my kids are upset with me and I've probably made someone uncomfortable in my daily travels

And I try to do it all with humor and grace but sometimes I just don't have it in me.

But.

The cool thing about blogging?

I don't feel alone.

I am not alone.

I know, thanks to my writings on this teeny tiny blog, that I am not alone.

That most of us feel deeply flawed. That most of us are exhausted and worn out and doing the very best we can. That we love our families passionately and deeply and yet? By the end of the day, we all want nothing so much as just a few minutes of quiet time and the time to read something mindless or think about something that doesn't involve One Direction or nail polish choices for ten year olds or deciding what classes would be the best for your kid or thinking about how to write a 504 that will be actually, you know, followed and how to speak to teachers so they won't think you are the biggest asshole parent in their class and ignore every single email that you send. Sometimes, you just want to daydream that the person who should most have the interests of your child's educational plan in their sights won't actually avoid you when she sees you coming at school. Sometimes, you don't want to hear people say that they don't care that a food might kill your child, how DARE you infringe upon their constitutional rights?

Sometimes, you don't want to think. You feel deeply alone, which completely contradicts what I said a couple of paragraphs earlier.

Writing this blog has reminded me that I am not alone. That all of us struggle with the hows and whys of how to be a grown up when there is no manual - and I DEMAND a recount on this matter, I think all of us would really appreciate a manual - and trying to raise children who will become adults who will be a pleasure to be around and not the subject of a hate group or shown on the nightly news as an example of a really terrible person.

Writing this blog has shown me that no one really knows how to do it. That no one does it all. That none of us does it well. Not one of us knows what we are doing, and not one of us has the answers, not even those of us who pretend that we do.

Writing this blog has given me such freedom to be me. (Not that I really know who me is most of the days, but eh....) It's given me an area to have a voice, to hear other people say that they've done it too, that they know what I'm dealing with, that they hear me and feel me and that I'm not crazy.

Well, wait. No one has actually ever SAID I'm not crazy. Hmmmm. Maybe I should hear the lesson in that, yes?

Writing this blog has shown me that we are ALL making it up as we go along.

I may never be invited to read my writings in public. Writing this blog may never secure a book deal for me. It may never be my ticket to fame and fortune and I may - probably, definitely - slide off into the oblivion, where all blogs go to die -

but at least I won't be alone. I will have you fantastic people holding my hands, agreeing with me that yes, life is hard, and it's unfair, and raising children sucks the life out of you and gives you gray hair and relationships of all kinds are blow your mind out difficult and life is just scary

I left for Miami on Thursday to attend - and work - the BlogHer Food conference. I had, shall we say, a somewhat difficult trip to Miami, and I ended up with no luggage. I was stressed, tired, and overwhelmed by my entire life.

On Saturday, my boss and I took a walking tour of South Beach. It was a perfect day - not too hot, no humidity, and we had no immediate responsibilities - just time to spend together, with the only responsibility to eat.

I can dig it. That's my kind of responsibility.

I mean, with scenery like this, what's not to love?

I fulfilled my one Miami desire - to have a cup of Cuban coffee. It was everything I remembered, desired, and anticipated.

We sampled a Haitian restaurant, a French restaurant and an Italian restaurant. We walked several miles, and we saw gorgeous architecture, cool cars, and eclectic scenery.

We had yummy gelato.

And we had the most delicious charcuterie tray I've ever experienced. (I mixed the honey and the mustard together - so, so good.) The piece de resistance? A fantastic dessert tray.

Jon Acuff spoke at the Blissdom conference last year, and it was nice, but it didn't really hit me. I wasn't in the right spot in my life for it, I guess. I listened, but none of it hit me where I needed it to - and although I went home with his book, I never read it - it still sits on the shelf above my bed.

This year? I was in the right place in my life for the talk that I heard. I really believe that there are no accidents, and that someone somewhere 100% believed that I needed to hear this talk. Below are my bullet point notes - and my own thoughts next to them. (And I have the new book, and it's next to the first one - and both are on the short list of "read in the next month" must do's. I'm just in a different - possibly more open - place this year.)

*We have a lot of talent. We don't have a lot of honesty. When you are
honest you are a lighthouse to help others avoid the traps you fell in
to.* That is the number one belief I have on this blog - that I will always be honest. I might often be too honest - but I'm not ever going to be known as a blogger, or a person, who sugarcoats stuff, who has rainbows!andkittens!andunicorns! all over the place. I'm real and honest. Not so much because I want to help people avoid any trap, but because I don't think it does any other mom any favor if I pretend like my life is just so easy and pretty all the time.

*What do you do when all of your excuses are gone?* That is a very good question. As moms, we can hide behind our kids for a long time. But what happens when the kids are gone? Are you still you, a different version of you, or someone altogether different?

*Life cycles of life - Jon Acuff explained that our lives contain cycles that, in his mind, change roughly every ten years.

Learning - in our 20's we are learning who we are

Editing - in our 30's we are editing who we are and what our interests might be

Mastering - in our 40's we've clarified who we are, narrowed down our interests and a tryig to master a select few

Harvesting - in our 50's we are harvesting the fruit of our labors

Guiding - in our 60's we are guiding those who come behind us

* Retirement is dead - there is no compensated retirement any more. People are working longer than ever and won't stop. Some can't stop due to finances.

* Anyone can play - The Internet has leveled the playing field for everyone. No longer is distance, location, gender or schooling a barrier. We all have the same chances.

* Hope is boss - Now, more than ever, we live in a hopeful time - with people digging wells for villages, tweeting for food donations, and companies like TOMS that help the less fortunate

*The starting line is the only one that you control - I really do believe this. We all start off in the same place, and it's the only thing we can control. Forces beyond our reach, beyond our mastery affect us in ways that we never imagined when we began our journey.

*Ready is a myth. Nobody is ever ready - smart enough, pretty enough - AMEN to that one. I know that I always feel like there's so much MORE I need to be doing in order to be ready for anything - need to read more on the subject, learn more, talk about it more, and I always feel like I'm 2 steps behind everyone else.

*Start before you are ready. - After all, you will never be ready - See Above.

*Never compare your beginning to someone else's middle - I try to live by this as much as possible. I never know who the other person is inside.

*You have permission to be horrible. Your first time should be the worst time. - I know that I always get so stressed when I'm trying something new - what if I SUCK AT IT? Why do I think I need to be the master of everything? It's my ego, I'm sure.

*WHAT GIVES YOU THE MOST JOY? When you are editing (see up there, in your 30's) chose what makes you happy - I will no longer do those things that I don't find fulfillment in

*Fear is a liar. Fear is not our friend. It doesn't tell the truth. It gets loud when you do stuff that matters.

I'm processing an awful lot of wisdom and an awful lot of - stuff -
that I heard over the past few days while I attended the Blissdom
conference.

Let me start off by saying I *desperately* needed a few days of time
to think. A few days before I left for the conference, I put this on my
Facebook:

I often feel as if I am in a blender, turned on high, and the lid isn't on.

Blog conferences come just in time for me to get a little respite. I
can hang out with friends, spend some time decompressing, and if it's a
really well done conference (and if it's not, I don't go back the next
year) take home a little bit of wisdom, shared by someone MUCH smarter
than I am, that I can allow to process and ferment in my brain.

And then, I most often forget it. Since I'm all about the honest.

I took a TON of notes over the past few days. I have them scrawled on
random sheets of paper, I voice dictated them into my phone (seriously?
That's the thing I use the most in my phone - I voice dictate
everything, texts, emails, blog posts, grocery lists) and emailed
snippets of great stuff to myself. Over the next couple of posts, I'm
going to share some of them with you in order to a) share with you, duh
and b) hear what you have to say about said smartness.

So. Let's talk about C.C. Chapman.

I first met C.C. on a Ford trip. He was super kind and gracious when
my friend Sugar introduced us, and I like to follow nice people on the
Internet. Those people who can't bother to give the peons under them the
time of
day, the people who are I'm important and I know it, those are the people that I
never follow. It's not worth it to me. But the nice people, the people
who make me feel as if I might have something worthy to say – even
though we all know I mostly don't – those are good people.

And he is one of them. When we left the Ford event, we left the copy of his
first book, and I read it. Correction: I didn't read it so much as
highlighted, dog eared it, tagged it and basically study the heck out of it.
Working in social media means that I know the importance of it, know
what it can do for a business, and know that if the business doesn't use
it, they're not going to be successful in the future.

In other words, the book spoke to me. And when I heard that C.C. was
going to speak, I knew it was the session that I needed to attend.
Here are the notes that I made from the session.

If your friends don't want you to succeed they aren't your friends

Rules are like rubber bands - stretch them and break them

Challenge your friends. A real friend will tell you when you do something stupid. Real friends aren't "yes men"

Don't let the seagulls get you down. Seagulls are not Internet trolls.
They swoop in and bring you down and leave. They give you no guidance.
The more "not normal" you are, the more you will attract them.

Celebrate successes of all sizes. Even the little ones.

Beer and coffee. Make time for beer and coffee. Face to face interaction with people is key, valid and
important. With technology, it's going away but it is super important to
maintain it.

Life is too short for bad wine. Don't save the good wine for the best situations - your whole life should be a celebration.

Always give back to the community.

Be a Duck. Let the criticism roll off of you.

Play in the rain. Just like your kids, get out there and play in the rain.

These are some seriously good rules that I have heard before and try to
live by - but it's good for a reminder every now and again. He's a straight up gracious guy with lots of wisdom and a couple of gentle reminders for me.

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About Me

Carmen Staicer is a whirlwind of energy and execution, who never sleeps and drinks way too much coffee. She works from home as Social Media Programs Manager for SheKnows, and is the mom to six kids, most of whom play instruments, sing or dance and all of whom are much smarter than she will ever be. In other words, her house is never ever quiet or still. A concentration of asthma, food allergies, spectrum disorders and learning disabilities means that she spends an awful lot of time second guessing herself and Dr. Googling, as well as learning to cook everything the family might like to eat. In her spare time, she enjoys reading, boxing (she has her Black Belt in Muay Thai), sleeping, exploring coffee shops, photography, ballet class and cooking. She excels in being a smart mouth and has her major in sarcasm, with a dual minor in BS studies and avoiding laundry.