My Mourning Moon

This is what's been going through my head everyday since my boyfriend assaulted me. Dark, though not graphic. There is a prequel poem to this...

True events.

Submitted:Oct 11, 2012
Reads: 155
Comments: 1
Likes: 1

First read my prequel poem: An Everyday Nightmare

~*********~

The fog engulfed the morning as well as my thoughts.
I woke up feeling like I saw everything clearly; the crescent moon
hanging cold in the Autumn sky...

Reminded me of my heart, once whole, clear, and pure... Only to
slowly fade into the darkness and silently waiting for its waning
phase to end.
Now shrouded in a cold mist my heart was no longer visible;
bitterness swallowed me.

I inhaled the toxic cloud as dawn broke. And as quickly as I could
see, I could not.
Each day I sat on a fulcrum point that was too even for either side
to be able to catapult me into a definitive solution.

At night I could see with clarity; my nocturnal thoughts saw the
darkness in front of me as if it were illuminated. The shadow of
what he did lingering within me.
My heart would drum, my chest would rise and fall rapidly...
Invisible insects would nibble the tips of my clammy fingers,
causing a numbing tingle.
I knew I couldn't continue down this path with him; I couldn't give
him more power...

But as sapphires bled into the night sky and the diamonds that
seemed to guide me faded into a blue blanket, my certainty faded as
well...
My doubts rose with the morning sun, quickly and without
stopping.

He loved me... It was impossible for him to harm me with any
intent, right?
He needed me; without me he'd be lost. He's hurting too...

The giant in the sky shed light on all of my insecurities; all of
my embarrassment, yet blinded me from my midnight
epiphanies...
The fears and memories; the pain and broken trust.

I fell to kneel in the gravel and extinguish my cigarette, as well
as my negative thoughts of him...

He loved me.
He didn't want to hurt me.

Tears threatened the rims of my bloodshot eyes.
Maybe as the days grow shorter; maybe as darkness consumes more
than light, I'll overpower my manipulated mind...
Maybe I won't lay in the absence of day, waiting for him to come
and take whatever else is left of me.
Maybe I'll be strong enough...