There are a small number of situations in which it might behoove you to pretend to be good at wine. These are the situations:

1. You are on a date with a man or lady and you want them to think you are “discerning” even though you are not discerning and you want them to think you are “sensual” even though you are not sensual . . .

. . . Which brings me to today’s Recipe of the Day, Mug ‘O’ Spam. I feel like somebody is making fun of me here. Is the Kansas State Fair trying to bait me? Is the Bellingham Herald being ironical? The Great American SPAM Championship? Aslan wept.