This is a fragment of someone's past. It's not very long, and I'm using it to see if people will read a story I'm thinking of starting. The girl is the character I'm using in an RP called "PokeQuest Your Journey Begins", and it explains a bit about her.

If you like it, don't hesitate to tell me. If I get enough good reports, I will be starting a new story.
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"Okay, Eevee, Tackle!" The little Pokemon ran at the dummy and tackled it with full force. The dummy splinted and fell, crashing to the ground. The sound echoed around the dimly lit cavernous room they were in."Alright!" Dakota picked up the little Eevee and gave him a hug. She had been training him for days and he had finally gotten strong enough to knock over the large cement dummy she had constructed. The other Trainers hadn't liked their using the battle stadium for their training, but they hadn't been able to stop them.

"I think you've finally earnt - this!" Grinning in glee, she put a hand into her pocket and pulled out a small red stone. At its heart beat a steady pusling glow, and its shining surface gave out a flickering light. It was a Fire Stone. Smiling, she put the Eevee on the ground and placed the Fire Stone in front of him. With a flash, he began to glow, growing larger, his tail spreading out into a firey plume, his mane lengthening and growing, his fur turning a deep majestic red. With a gleeful cry, he lept into the air as a burst of light sprang from him. The light flashed around the stadium, illuminating for a moment the stone seats around the edge, the tall engraved columns at the two doors."Flaaaarree!!"
"Alright! You've done it! You've earnt your evolution - and your nickname. Congratulations - Flashfire."

A silky blue Vaporeon came up and nosed Flashfire. She had been sitting at the edge of the arena watching and now she came to congratulate them. She was the Pokemon's sister, found abandoned with him when she was a pup. Dakota had taken them in and raised them, telling them that once they reached a certain level she would reward them with their evolutions and nicknames. Now Flareon had achieved his goal.

"Dakota!" snapped a brisk voice suddenly. Dakota, giving Flashfire instructions, failed to hear.
"Dakota, i've told you not to use the Gym's battle stadium! Dakota! Are you even listening to me?!""Okay, Flashfire, use Flamethrower!" With that, the firey little Pokemon let out a stream of fire that flew out and hit the tall girl that had just walked in the door. She screamed in rage and whipped off her burning cape, throwing it to the ground and pulling out a Pokeball.
"You insolent little brat! she screamed.
"Clair! I'm sorry - I didn't mean to! Clair, no!"
"Dragonair use Dragonbreath!!"
The snakelike Pokemon sent a jet of burning golden air and green fire straight at Dakota. Dakota flung up an arm to protect herself, and screamed in pain. The flames melted her sleeve, encircling her arm, burning it to the bone. Dakota screamed again, and a blue flash flew out suddenly to attack the Dragonair. Sobbing in pain, Dakota gripped her burnt and melted arm and sank to the floor. She shook all over, sobbing and trembling in unspeakable agony. The blue flash hovered in the air, and as the smoke and flickering light of the unearthly flames died down, Clair was able to see what it was.

A small Pokemon hovered in the air, its golden eyes glowing in anger. Its fur was smooth and blue, and its long tail curled behind it as it whipped it angrily. Its long feet hung and it held its small arms tense at its sides. Its catlike ears were flat against its head. It was a Mew. It had been curled up on a seat but flew over to protect its mistess from the furious Gym Leader.

"S-soni!" choked out Dakota. The Mew flew instantly to her side, leaving Clair seething. With an angry snarl, she recalled her Dragonair and stormed out, but not before delivering a few harsh comments to Dakota and her pokemon.
"I'd better not see you here in the morning. You're one of the worst Trainers I've ever seen, and you are no longer welcome in my gym!" With that, she left, leaving behind a tense atmosphere.

"S-soni...use t-telep-port.." whispered Dakota. Soni whipped around her limp body, and in a flash of blue light, they were gone.

EDIT: Everything in this color is what I've edited in after Riku's advice. Thanks, pal, you've really improved my short story!

Last edited by Flarey on Fri Sep 09, 2005 8:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I like it! I can picture Dakota and eevee training, and in my head I immediatly pictured they were outside near a lake on something like a peninsula (I think) training, though I think it was in the gym? Im not very sure where they actually were training though.

Maybe add a little more emphasis to the scenery. That way people like me can actually know where this stuff is happening. I think you should post the whole story. I bet it'd be good, nice job.

One thing though, why does Clair seem so....ruthless? I mean she attacked Dakota and burnt her real bad, and she felt no emotion whatsoever. Plus you might wanna add a word somewhere... "... and she grabbed her burnt ?????..." I think that word is arm or wrist or something.

Really nice, but I wonder why you chose Clair, of all the Leaders?I'm thinking it was because she is sooooo hard.(Believe me, level 60 Typlosion & lost just as I was about to take out Kingdra.Next time I play a new game & I get up to Blackthorn City, I'll raise my Flame to be Lv 80 & watch & laugh as her Pokemon beg for mercy! )

Fri Sep 16, 2005 9:08 pm

RukarioManiac

Ace Trainer

Joined: Sat Jul 02, 2005 11:03 pmPosts: 359Location: Controling the Waves with Rukario, becoming one with each other

oooh, good info for the RP. Ill include one about myself. but nice...explains alot.

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