Monday, December 03, 2007

Actually I don't have the slightest idea on what to blog about, but due to my nocturnal habit that seems to ba making a comeback, I might as well just stay awake and not doze off as 4.30 am (my usual waking hour, to commute to Kl) is looming nearer. Maybe I should share the tale with readers on the adventurous and memorable journey I had to from Sydney to KL, via gold coast.

Nov 21st :

I left the house, after hours and hours of packing finalisation. I don't know, but I have this thing about packing, where I will subconsciously want things to be perfect, and I need that rare awareness of what has been stuffed in the bags, and what hasn't. Of course, I haven't seen many people around me with that sydnrome, I think some of them just throw stuff into bags, zip it and Boom! they're off!

I took the bus to central, with Yamud and Kazar tagging along me, and I swear, I was actually feeling really ashamed of the fact that I dragged a huge 20 kilos weighed bag in the bus, amidst all that middle class people off to work. Kantoi takde duit nak naik teksi hahhaaa! Alan came to central to bid his last farewell, and after a final goodbye wave to the 3 of them, the train drifted further from the station, and images of their 3 faces blurred, sending me thoughts on how I will actually see them in the next year.

The train ride was 12-13 hours or so, and much to my anticipation, I actually enjoyed every second of it! I gorged on a few egg sandwiches, I took a closing chapter on the novel "The Life Of Pi", which I had abandoned for almost 4 purnama, and I endlessly abused my camera into capturing many photos of almost every stations in the many small towns that we stopped at. I'm not kidding, the experience was fantastic, if there's a train service from Sydney to Kuala Lumpur, I swear I will try on it.

Around 7pm, I reached Casino. I thought it's going to be the hustle bustle urban classy of Gold Coast gambling euphoria, but to my dismay, it's actually a small town, with hardly any mobile coverage, where I was told to board on a bus for another 3 hours or so before actually reaching Surfer's Paradise (SF), my actual destination. By that time, I was already really hungry, and I knew that I shoud've taken a flight to Gold Coast instead. But I kept a positive mind, telling myself that it's an experience to cherish, and no regrets!

By the time I reach SF, it was already 11 pm, and I had another calamity of having to drag my bag around, with my aching back already half sloping due to the then unbearable weight of my backpack, as I was searching for any ATM Machines, or shop where I could purchase a pack of ciggy. Some strangers flashed their smiles to me, probably wondering what is this Indian looking boy doing in the middle of the many neon-lighted pubs and discos in SF, with a huge bags and an almost dead face.

Nov 22nd:

After wondering in SF for almost 2 hours, inquiring around for ATMs and the next bus that can actually take me to YHA Coolangatta, I finally got onto a bus, fatigue swept over me, and I am ready to just hit the bed, after almost 16 hours on non-stop travelling. The bus driver dropped me in the middle of a freeway, and he sort of gave me a wrong direction to YHA! I spend the next 2 hours, 12am - 2am, wondering around the freeway with my huge bags and empty stomach and almost half swollen legs and broken back on where the hell the YHA is! I eventually gave up, and asked a few man I met coming back from a happy night outing, which also didn't help much. After sending out hands and waving for any vehicles that I could hitchhike with, a guy driving a jeep finally stopped and he drove me to YHA, where I will only stay for the next 4 hours, before having to walk to Gold Coast Airport, to board the plane to KL. PHEW!!

At the YHA, I didn't sleep much, instead I got engaged into a converstaion with a Melbourne dude, who was busy lamenting and bragging politely on his sex escapade. Pergila matila kan! Much later, I climbed up onto my bed, scraping the last bit of energy I possessed into falling asleep, with much difficulty due to the droning giggles of Jack and Jane below my bed, whom I believed was having sex. Crap!

The next day, I walked for another 500m to the airport (by this time, I was more than used to walking) and the moment I sat in the plane, a huge sense of relief swept over me, as I knew that then all I had to do was sit, and food will be served, and by 8 hours, I'll be back in my home soil. And that was the best feeling ever!

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Ok this is corny. Like REAL CORNY. I am this close to informing you that I had my first day as an intern yesterday (Monday Nov 26th), but my wholly depressed mind made a significant warning about not being too cheesy. Anyway, yeah I am currently sitting at my desk, as an intern in Level 17, Tower 1, KLCC (Weeeee, it's like having dropped out slutty cheerleaders around me weeeeee *roll eyes*). Bull.

Sometimes I wonder what actually happens if I were to be an intern in Macquarie Bank instead? (ok Muhammad, drop it, that's so last decade). I mean, we haven't been doing anything, and I mean, anything at all since yesterday. My boss is not around, was told he's in London, and his secretary's name is Ida and she possesses one hell of a mouth (it's like having Ida Yani here, wohoo nama pon dah sama) and the 3 sapiens in the next 3 cubicles straight ahead are alright people. They are so alright that I have nothing to blog about them.

I also gave up inquiring people about what interns are supposed to do, or what is expected out of them. It's like everybody has this invincible tape recorder sellotaped to their mouth, and every time I ask them the question, they will hit the Play button, and the same phrase comes out; "Oh tak buat apa apa sangat". Wtf. Eventually, I gave up asking. So don't ask me what happens during my internship period, because I am likely to slap you for that, and you will hate me in return. Ok drama lagi, sorry.

So pretty much, that will be my routine till February 1st, before I'm off to Qatar. So to fulfill my inquisitive mind, and to compensate the wasted 9 hours (8am - 5pm), I brought my laptop, where I am most likely to blog about a lot of stuff (even petty ones, as usual) and I also brought my Spanish and French books. So even if I didn't manage to acquire knowledge on pipes, or pumps or rotating-wow-this-machine-amazed-me-machinery, at least by the time of this internship period, I can rejoice in the fact that you throw me your stunned and disgruntled faces when I ask you something in Bonaparte's and Marie Antoinette's language.

Monday, November 05, 2007

"Aerodynamically the bumble bee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumble bee doesn't know it so it goes on flying anyway." - Mary Kay Ash.

So, the next time you thought of cursing me and dragging down my self esteem again, just suck it up, save your mild-spitting saliva and learn to catch on your breath first. FYI your talks disgust me. I don't need to know about things that will only make me feel like a shit head, because when the time comes I will rise up to the occasion and pull off the string and you know I will.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Ok, sorry for the delay. I have been meaning to put up my Raya pictures ages ago, but a lot of unsettled issues along the way, so I kinda push off this post.

First I was so busy finishing up assignments, 5 more to go before the end of semester. I have been taking up 7 subjects this semester, and now I know the downfall of wanting to grad early hahaha!

Next was this two gargantuan interviews I had with Holden and Hatch Co. The interview was held in Wagga Wagga so that kinda took up all day on Monday, and I really hope they will offer me a job as an intern with them, considering the AUD 25 I've spent on the train fare!

And then, I am in the midst of planning my South America trip with my cousins, over the holidays. We'll be in Sao Paulo, Santiago and the rest of Chile's never-ending beaches and taking a grand finale in the land of Buenos Aires, Argentina. 21 days in total. Yo habla Latino! Yo soy un bueno!

Furthermore, my girlfriend is giving me headache as she was being demanding than ever before on the issues of where am I going to live over the summer break. She wants me to stay at her place, but I would prefer to stay with my parents, as a family get together would mean a lot to me over the break.

And then, oh yeah, for those of you who didn't know yet, I will be taking amateur and pre-modelesque photos with Nautica this 23rd November, so within the past few weeks, I've been very busy with the photography and body-structuring-for-beginning-models classes and all.

And on top of that, UMNO NSW's annual report is due soon, and I really hope I'll have the time to come out with clear and concise report to be handed in hand-to-hand to Tan Sri Muhyiddin Yassin, on the coming Perhimpunan Agung UMNO soon.

And I'm still finalising the contract I had with the Turner Bar in KL which I got through my cousin, who happens to work there as a DJ. They will be needing me to play some random selection of songs on the guitar from 26th December to 31st December. I really hope my rendition of Kau Ilhamku by Manbai will cause a dramatic implosion in Jalan Duta Lama soon. Wish me luck!.........................................................

Well, I'm sure I should have managed to put up my Raya pictures gorging on Satay, Rendang and whatnot, if I wasn't so busy creating up lies just to brag to people on how fulfilled my life is.

Sorry! Raya picture next time yeah? (But I really hope that while you guys were reading this 30 seconds ago, a hint of admiration passed through your mind. At least you guys will be thinking; Wow gile superhuman mamat nih!). Sigh....

Monday, October 22, 2007

I'm not sure whether this is wrong or right, but can I say that I miss home?

Of course I can. Whattheheck...

I miss the constant wake up calls my mum gave me, telling me it's already the brink of dawn, and I can never miss my Subuh. I miss seeing her anticipating the precious half an hour she stole to just kick back and browse through the newspaper. I miss those times when she checked on me before picking up my little siblings from school. I miss the times when she questioned me about my cravings, so she could prepare something for the family luncheon. I miss the times when she asked me when will be my next Spanish class. I miss the times when she would call me into the kitchen to just have a random conversation with her. I miss the times when I tell her how hard things were, and she would take the effort of printing quotes from the net or cutting inspiring newspaper articles, to just build me back again. I miss the times when she said she couldn't wait for next year, when we bid our farewell.

I miss my dad too. I miss the times when he would drive me around for some mamak food indulgence. I miss the times when we had the father and son conversation, where he'd remind me how proud he is of myself. I miss the times when he got angry if an officemates called him during our casual family escapade. I miss the times when he would always remind me to read the selawat when troubles surfaced. I miss the times he told me to never give up, and as bad thing as things may seem, they don't last forever. I miss the times when he would tell me that people love those who rise from the ashes, so it's alright if you fall in life.

I miss my brother. I miss the times when he would willingly lend me his car and tell me I don't have to fill up the tank again. I miss the times when he would teach me new chords, while correcting the fingers-positioning. I miss the times when he told me to always understand the hardship my parents are going through in rising us up. I miss the times when he would simply take charge, and rise up to the occasion, when my parents are not around.

I miss the sister too. I miss the times when she would tell me stories about her crushes, and how prefect the guy is. I miss the times when she would list down all the possible movies we could catch on the weekends. I miss the times when she would tell me that I have the strength to finish my studies. I miss the time when she would described all her friends, and how she still thinks that her brothers are the best.

I miss Raihan, Raihanah and Ismail. I miss the times when I would tell them to keep their darn mouth quiet, and how the empty the house was, when they were away. I miss them asking me whether I love them or not. I miss entertaining them will all sorts of game, wondering all the way when will I next see them. I miss seeing the anxiety on their faces every time they discovered something new. I miss having them around me.

Friday, October 12, 2007

This would be one of those times when all I felt like doing is stir my innards, rearrange the stacks of textbooks beckoned on the corner of the table and mess it up all over again, complete the 7 enormous cycles of jumping down from my balcony then climb back up the stairs, and pack up all my belongings, then just straight head home where my families are.

Ok, I exaggerated a little bit.

This is one of those times when I am wrought with guilt, because I was so selfish, and so obnoxious about the feeling of others, thinking that human heart will NEVER play a part in any decision making process. Well, I was wrong.

I felt that I have committed an injustice to one of my companion here. I didn't give him the chance to prove himself, and worse, inside me, I didn't let him to. I was so busy being superficial and judging him from the outside, that I have missed all the words that he was trying to convey. I was so busy equating his past to his present, that I have missed the kind and almost perfect gesture that he was displaying. I was so busy underestimating him inside me, that I have missed the genuine heart and intentions that he was trying to uphold.

I felt like the worst human ever walked on earth.

Seriously, a thousand sincere apologies from me, and I will never do that again. Everybody has something to offer, and I should not misinterpret what they are anymore. I'm sorry.

Sunday, October 07, 2007

On Saturday, October 6th, Joe, Kazar, Anwar, Rahman, Ririn and myself had our buka puasa at Nando's in Camperdown. After that, we had a lepak session in my house till about 2am, singing the birthday song as it was Ririn's 21st, and wishing her happiness all the same.

In the midst of all the laughs and jokes, we had a question for everyone. It was; who would you turn gay for? I know it was so stupid and ridiculous to even begin with, but surprisingly everyone suddenly sat there for a moment, lost in their thoughts, as their minds were busy strutting down to all the popular faces of the world, that they would turn gay for hahahaa! So after about a few minutes of silence and sinister eye-gazing, everyone kinda came out with an answer.

Ok, I'm not gonna mention what everyone says hahaha! But the funny part was when Rahman said that he would turn gay for someone who look like Yamud, yes Yamud, but with a tougher built hahhahahaa! Seriously, I thought that was hilarious. He say Yamud has the manly and macho face, just a small body size hahahhaa!

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

For those of you who watched the movie Cinta by Khabir Bakhtiar and cried a bucket over it, will probably understand this entry best. One of the stories encrypted in Cinta was about a girl acted out by Sharifah Amani who left her home far behind to search for the boyfriend that she was deeply in love with. Somewhere along her journey, fate brought her to the presence of a guy, by Pierre Andre, who later helped her to locate her boyfriend, amidst the hustle bustle metropolitan world of the busy Kuala Lumpur. Making a long story short, they eventually fell in love with each other instead, after discovering the deceiving side of Amani's boyfriend. No need to elaborate further, half of you readers probably know the story better than I do.

Anyway, a similar drama is happening to me this time around, and this brought me to the light of feeling-feeling that I am Pierre Andre, and the girl involved (lets just call her Cik Siti) is Sharifah Amani (very the drama sial!).

I knew her through chatting in MSN. My friend in Msia introduced us through MSN (how complicated is that!), and we ended up chatting online for a few days, filling each others' voids (drama lagi!). her stories has it that she has been together with this guy studying in Macquarie University, Sydney for 5 years, and they have been nothing but a happy couple. But recently, he stopped replying her sms-es, or returning her phone calls. Silent treatment yang horror lah senang cerita. This girl was so worried and broken, and being in love, is desperate and willing to go the extra length just to see him in Sydney, and clarify things out (sorry Cik Siti, aku dok bitch pasal kau dalam blog aku). Although I was initially taken aback by such dare, I later agreed to help her, after learning on how desperate and sad she was, and all her did throughout our MSN phone calls was crying.

What makes me feel even more that she resembles Sharifah Amani was the fact that she has soft and somewhat irritating voice, was always complaining on her issues, and somehow managed to reveal to me her weak, dependent, and vulnerable sides. And me being the patient guy that I am, definitely suits the trait of Pierre Andre (drama please). So I helped her out, telling her about the bus systems here in Sydney, listening to her rants on how scared and broken hearted she was, paying fake attentions to her lovesick chronicles, and comforting her every time she needs it. Sometimes she ticked me off too, by being so pessimistic and unprepared to travel 6000 km (ok nak bitch lagi sikit, she told me stuff like; MAD! Visa camne??!!, I tak reti masak tau so camne Mad??, Mad I kene berbuka dengan nasik tau! Mad, I takut nak datang Sydney! or worse; Mad, you jangan kate I gile tau!). Memang kau gile pon Cik Siti.

So after 4 days of virtual interacting, she finally set foot in Sydney on Oct 2nd, I picked her up and brought her to my house. I explained to her that a lot of people has stayed over in my place, so there's no need to feel awkward or whatever. When she asked me: Mad, girlfriend you tak marah ke?...I replied; tak la, dia open minded and tak insecure mcm you. So takyah risau. Yes, I lied saying that I'm taken (Sumpah rase cool gile!).

In the morning of Oct 3rd, the next day, I brought her to the bus stop. I explained to her on how the bus here works, and the important landmarks around the city and Camperdown that she needs to start recognizing. Then the first problem appeared; I wasn't sure on what bus to take to bring her to Macquarie University Village, and that is only natural, since I didn't go there often (how about never?), and all the bus routes in North Sydney are so complicated. So for one hour or so, amidst the tire and thirst of Ramadhan, we walked all the way from Wynyard, than back to Martin's Place, and back to bus and train terminal in Wynyard again to inquire some things, and finally headed to York Street, where all the buses to Epping would stop.

The bus journey was about 70minutes or so, and I sat there, listening to her stories, on how different her boyfriend now is, and how scared to death she is in case the guy in her life has lost that loving feeling. Finally when we reached Macquarie University, somewhere between North Ryde and Epping, we had another drama. The address of her boyfriend's house couldn't be located, and we spent 2.5 hours (150 minutes!) asking around, walking back and forth Balaclava Street, and going into the wrong housing area and such! An Asian guy finally helped us, saying that the house is actually situated on another street, but the official address has been registered differently. Cheit bongok btol la. I wonder how the postman can deliver letters to them.

So in front of the boyfriend's house, I sort of noticed that this Cik Siti is one-quarter crying, and I could see that she was so nervous and anxious to meet the guy, after many months of "abandonment". I rung the bell. No answer. I rung again. Still, no answer. Probably in class? So we sat there, thinking that it's a good idea to wait for him to come back (and by that time, it was already 11 am, panas gile Tuhan je tahu). In the end, another Asian guy came with his shopping bags, and he opened up the front door for us, and both of us dashed to Cik Siti's boyfriend's apartment. We knocked hard, I mean I did, and the guy finally emerged. He was surprised like hell to see Cik Siti, and Cik Siti ni plak dah separuh pengsan tgk lelaki pujaan dia tuh, tak terurus sebab baru bangun tidor kot. We went in, both of them into the guy's room, and I headed to the living room, picking up a TESL book to read, just to kill time.

I kinda eavesdropped (of course I did), and I can tell that the girl spoke a gazillion words, begging for his explanations, or forgiveness, but the guy remained silent, continuing with his chores as if nothing happened. After 20 minutes, the Cik Siti's face memang dah macam nak koma, and lelaki tu boleh diam je, dok buat tak tahu. Bukanla nak cakap aku ni baik sgt, tp kuang ajar la tu kan? Considering how susah payah this girl has been through to see him! After almost one hour, I called Cik Siti out, saying that I need to get back to USyd, and whether she wants to follow or not. Lelaki tu still dok buat muka bodoh, ape problem depa, wallahualam. She said she wants to stay, to just talk to the guy, after months of silent treatment, and whilst she said all that, all I could see was her relentless tears. Although drama, tapi terasa sebak la jgak.

So I left for home, thinking what will happen next, and secretly wishing Cik Siti all the best.

So the difference between us and the original version of the movie Cinta? Well, Pierre Andre fell for Amani in the end, but in my case, I don't fancy myself falling for this girl hahahhahaa I'm evil! Oh yes, another difference, our setting is not in Kuala Lumpur, but in the Harbour City of Sydney!

If I were to be like Andre and fall for her, it's gonna be sooo dramatic, and very Cinderella-ish kot. And that's something I would just you know, pass. In short, very the drama la kan!

Monday, September 24, 2007

Sorry, I just had to use a sensational title to get all you readers' attention. HeeHeeHee...

Updates for the past week, or so:

We had Iftar at my place, on Friday. It was sort of a potluck thing, and I'm not exaggerating, this is the first time where everyone actually brought something to eat! Kalau tak, sebelum nih, it's either guests just bring a jumbo bottle of Diet Coke, or just burgers for themselves hahahaa! Anyway, we had lots of Malaysian based food, like the murtabak, tom yam, 2 types pasta sauce, 3 types of rice (nasi goreng cina, nasi goreng melayu, nasi goreng mamak sume ade lah) and 3 different cakes, unlimited supply of carbonated drinks, and of course, I brewed my special teh tarik for everyone, which I found out later that everyone actually adores it, and of course they just have to say it was the side resort of my mamak heritage. Whatever.Lots of nice food, lots of awesome games, and lots of companion. Price I had to pay: Fatigue that swept me away the next day and of course, terburn terawikh. There goes my resolution for a full terawih throughout Ramadhan!

I have been finally selected to go through another interview by Macquarie Bank, and this time, it's the final selection round. Truth be told, I was just so grateful to Allah for giving me the opportunity to be selected for the final round interview, and to actually convince Mr Marcio Martins what I have to offer Macquarie Bank. Hopefully, I can pull it off tomorrow (Monday 24th Sept), wish me luck friends, I have a feeling I'm gonna need lotsa that.

And of course, I'm still waiting for other offers from a more technical-based company. Luck seem not to be by my side, due to the strings of reject letters that I got from Adco Construct (who stated that they want only Civil Engineering students. Bodo then why the hell did you advertise Mechanical? Slut!), and by KBR, ALCOA Engineering, Evans and Peck, Ausenco Engineering, Woodside, Newcrest (who all claimed thay they need someone of better academic background...fina, bodoh sgt ke aku??). But since I have spent the whole of August applying almost all company that I came accross, I'm yet to hear from some others, like Holden, Thiess, Hatch, Anglocoal and Petronas.

And let's read Al-Fatihah for allahyarhamah Nurin Jazlin Jazimin, who had been safely buried on Friday, Sept the 21st. For those who aren't aware, Jazlin is the latest victim of child rape and abuse case, possibly did by a super-stupid and good for nothing sex maniac, and she eventually died a tragic death. It's only natural for me to be reminded of my little sister, Raihanah, since both of them are of the same age, and suddenly feel very protective of her. The man who committed such heinous crime deserves the heaviest of all punishments, and it is my sincere hope that all of this thing doesn't occur within the country anymore.

And I break my fast at the Malaysian Hall, for today and yesterday. And I misplaced my spectacles, so for today's iftar, I was all blind in the hall. The funny part, Sheera came to me and say, "Mad, this is Fini". And Fini came to me and say"Mad, this is Sheera". Kalau ye pun nak tipu, tukar la suara tu dulu kan? At least miming ke!

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Some time ago, I took a taxi ride back home from the Dashboard Confessionals concert, at the Sydney Pavillion. It's not that I always took taxi rides back home, thanks to my bad spending habits, as being "broke" would best describes me, perhaps. But it was so late at night, and the bus services terminated about 1 hour before the concert ended, and I know I couldn't really put a price on my safety (maybe you can, but I certainly can't).In the taxi, I strike a conversation with the taxi driver, being my usual self. Conversing with a taxi driver is what I enjoy doing, and I'm glad I did as a 20 minutes silence is just not my way. Upon reaching Dunblane Street (where I live) and before I purge the 20 dollars note from my wallet, the taxi driver thanked me for being brave enough to talk to him. He said he adores my bravery with strangers, and from our "normal" conversation I had somehow made his day (or rather, dawn hehe).

Needless to say, his compliments has made my day, too. And I remember walking back home, with some sort of a new confidence meniscus, and I secretly thanked him a lot for voicing out his opinions about me.That it got me nailed to the wall, thinking; have you ever wondered that it's actually not hard at all to make someone's day? And being kind, or nice is actually a lot easier than we ever thought?

I heard this everywhere, being the bad guy is always a lot easier than being the nice one. Hence, you will be rewarded for every good acts, and of course, punish for every demeanor ones. But actually, that's not the case. Simple and small acts like; complimenting the people around you, or sending out a "thank you" note, or flashing your smile to passers by, and simply asking "How are you, hope you're doin' well" are just exactly the way to be nice, and to make people's day. Trust me, it is.Once, I had a very rough day, and that had caused a really serious anger management issue. But a friend of mine unintentionally made a positive remark to me at the end of the day, and SNAP! Just like that, it somehow made me happy again, and I sort of realized that as bad as this world is, there's always some good in it. Try putting yourself in my shoes; Someone send you a gratification or congratulatory note for your help or achievements, or someone just complimenting your outfit (when you thought the day couldn't get any worse), or your hair (when you thought it's definitely your bad hair day). It's amazing how all this small acts of kindness can make us look the opposite way, and help to restore the positive energy within us right?I for once thought that giving away compliments shouldn't be done frequently, because eventually, people will be immuned to my words, and my complimentary speech will then lose its value. But as I later discovered, that's not actually the case.People are never tired of compliments, they may say it, but deep inside, everyone's happy to receive a compliment right? They'll be happy if you say that you appreciate them, even if that happens a bit too often. That's just the basic law of the human nature. So all you have to do is just search inside yourself, and look for it; there's always some things worth being complimented or appreciated. And as long as you're honest, there's nothing wrong or absurd or unethical with it.

As the saying goes, "small acts of kindness makes a long way to the heart".

Friday, September 14, 2007

I have done mistakes in the past. In fact, I've done a lot of mistakes, and I mean to say who doesn't? But mistakes will always be mistakes, and if I were really look on the positive side, it's not that bad actually. It's one of the ways where I can grew more insights inside me, as long as I learn from it and buang yang keruh, ambil yang jernih.

But I wouldn't say that I'm proud of those faulty moments, and I didn't say that it was my finest hour either. It's just a moment where sometimes I lacked certain important judgment, or I perceived things differently, or simply because I let my emotions over rule my rational mind.

I don't fancy the idea where I have to carry the burden of guilt every time I've committed mistakes, and I certainly can't accept the fact that sometimes, our society doesn't accept people who make mistakes. That's just ridiculous and doesn't make sense. Nobody's perfect, I might as well just get shot thrice for even trying to raise the idea, right?

But there are certain people, whom I just can't understand. To be more specific, I don't understand their mental frame, that tend to not be able to get pass or over with something. You may not fancy a friend because of who he or she is in the past, or because of the things that they have done. But aren't we all smart enough not to equate someone to their pasts? Maybe yes, they have committed a really awful mistake in the past, but aren't we all sinners too? Can't you at least find some room in your heart to forgive? And forget?

I am not pointing fingers, as I myself have some grudges and resentment that I'm not done with. But let's ponder for a while, is it worth the time to actually spend your life hating someone or consuming all your energy just to pinpoint even on their smallest wrongdoings?

Let me,

There were time when all we always thought that our parents are wrong, and we hurt them.

There were time when we lied to a friend, just because we want to save our own selfish ass.

There were time when we hated and labeled someone else, just because they are different from us.

There were time when we got angry with someone for saying things that we didn't want to hear.

And there were also time when all we do is think that we are "right", and laugh at someone else because they are "wrong".

Forgive me, but the way I look at it, we are not any better than they are.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

I have permanently disabled the direct debit application from my 3 Line bills. So, no more intruders breaking into my account and curik my hard earned cash easily. Hahaha, as if i worked hard earning those $$$.

I have paid the Car Park Fine, that costs me AUD185. I thought of escaping the payment, but the thought of facing the custom at the airport before boarding for Malaysia was beyond scary. So, for once, I have been a good citizen (Australian citizen ke aku??)

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Sometimes, when things didn't take the right turning as what you'd want, you became frustrated, and up to a point, numb. With my family really far away and all over the place, sometimes I tend to miss them more and sometimes I feel insecure about it, too. This is exactly why I feel thanked to my friends, coz knowing that I have them makes me content inside, and somehow the good memories tend to over shadow the bad ones. Everybody feels like that towards their friends, it's whether they want to admit it or not. So in this very post, I wanna share my gratitude to all the people that has played a part in my life, and also thanking them in advance for the good things I hope to come soon. To all my special friends;

Yamud, Irwan, Redzuan and Komet, these people will always be my best friends, and what makes it more special is the fact that we have constantly helped to build each other for the past 9 years or so. Someone told me the best mirror is an old best friend. So, they are my mirror. I see many of my elements inside them.

Mun, Adli, Falah, Feedo, Rgen, Hanafi, Moja, Dbar, Anwar and the rest of the GZes complete me. They have seen me through my worst days, went road-tripping with me many times and told me things about them that supposedly makes me hate them. But I don't. With them, I know there is strength in numbers, after all.

Mars, Opu, Puyo, Daniel, Amir, Sue, Jubeng are the living instances on how distance may separate us, but not at our hearts. Old friends are gold, the new ones are silvers.

My housemates in Dunblane Street; Joe, Kazar and Yus are the ones that kept me occupied over the years, have seen the real me without any judgings, and has seen the ugly side I possess, but they take it with an open mind. With them, I understand the concept of tolerance very well, and I'm proud to announce that we are made to be housemates!

Yani, Rahman, Dirah are those I regard as my siblings here. I have promised myself to keep them for life, and I am always appreciating them, maybe I just don't show it. They remind me to stay happy, and they are brave enough to correct me. They stayed late until the wee hours just to keep me company, and they expect nothing out of me. I just don't know what else to ask for. I may not leave Sydney with a first class degree, but remembering these 3 makes it all worth it!

Jimin will always be my partner in crime. You're the best man!

Arizal, Nora, Hisyam and Zah added colours to my black and white memories of Sunway days, with them, I understand that as bad as things may appear, there's always a bright side to it. You just have to keep looking for it.

Anept, Jaih and Mohaz are the people that I have no common ground with at all, but they still played huge roles in my life. With them, I have learned a lot of different perspectives, and I can see the things that I didn't know that I missed. I am inspired by so many things about them, but of course they didn't know because I didn't tell them hahaha! Plus, being "housemates" with them for a full semester was a blast, and I'd rate that as one of the best memory in Sydney!

Erin would be the person I enjoyed being with, no matter what. Not many people has the ability to make me want to hang out with them all the time, but goodness gracious, Erin has. Whether she's happy, excited, confused, angry or sad, I just love being with her, and Erin will always be Erin.

Yaya is one strong chick, and she doesn't quite know that she is special to sooo many people. And she is! I admire her views of life, and how she is constantly trying to handle things around her, come what may. Her talks dazzle me, and of all my friends, she symbolizes the character of a lady who has been through a lot, but still hasn't fallen apart. And I think she won't.

The rest of the Lambaian Family and NZ Trip 07 (esp Dewi, Pojoe, Anep and Hana) has carved something inside me too. Days with them are the best of all, and when it comes to all of them, I hate the saying "All good things come to and end".

Izwan and Alan are the 2 figures that I looked up to. One is quiet, but full of substances. And one is hyper, full of energy and always positive. Their maturity is what I admire, and their traits of being an all rounder is what I respect.

And Beyh will be the virtue of me once chasing something I couldn't get, and someone I longed to spend time with, but God just doesn't permit it. There's a lesson to that, thanks. Seriously.

And the many people and friends whom I have met through my journeys of ups and downs, Thank You! Gracias! Merci! Terima Kasih! I may have forgotten to script your name here, but everyone means a lot, and thanks also for always inspiring me. In fact, that's the primary reason why I choose to stay with all of you!

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

I went to the interview for Macquarie's Bank internship program yesterday (3rd September), and I thought maybe I should just be an intern in Malaysia. I don't think I can carry or go through any more interviews with any Australian companies.

But I received a call around 11.50 am this morning, they said I've made it to the second round of selection! weeeeeee!!!! ALHAMDULILLAH...

And I still have the Macquarie's Building visitors pass with me muehehehehee!

Thursday, August 30, 2007

So far, mostly out of everything, I wanna be a good person. Or probably a nice guy with renowned hint of integrity. I once heard this somewhere; "Life is short, so try to have fun. But most importantly, be good to others". Now, I heard that inside my head all the time.

But how do you characterize yourself as being "good" or "nice"? And how good is good, or how nice is nice or how kind is kind etc.

I know all these sound so irrelevant, and it only shows the huge lopsided blunders I possess within my skull. But still....

So I lived my life the way I think I'm supposed to, in order to be good to others, and in the same time, having myself indulged in some fun stuff;

I told myself to constantly look at the good side of people (although it's a struggle sometimes).

I told myself to always lend a helping hand.

I told myself if it's okay with me for that particular moment, give way to others, and let them have things their way. There's no use with always wanting things your way because that eventually will turn me into one selfish bastard.

I told myself to run the extra miles for other people, with the condition; if it doesn't intervene with matters that are really important to me.

I told myself to lower down my ego, and try to professionally cater their ego, as fire meets fire is just not my way.

I told myself to say my sorries if I ever offend them, no matter how small, up to a point my sorries are just another pragmatic, means-nothing form of speech.

I told myself all these when I was 15 or so, because at that time, I perceived all these doings as "Me being a good person".

And now, it sort of has became a set of traits and habits that I tend to carry around wherever I go.

I'm not saying that I'm a saint, or I'm some sort of a holy creation of God and all I do is pour your sour farms with water so that they grow fruits. But I want to actually make a point here.

There were many times when some people, who I perceived as being disrespectful to me (and mind you, I give you my respect all that I can, and in turn I deserve yours), or treat me as if I'm a harmless joke and always feeling vulnerable, or thinking you can order me around just because I don't know how to even raise my voice (or you think I don't have the guts too), or probably called me at odd hours just to make me feel as if I'm useless and irresponsible, or even channel all their anger towards me because you take me for granted, I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY;

You had better keep all your act together, or else you will unleash demons within me that you do not wanna meet. Need I remind all these people that I am actually doing you a FAVOUR?? Need I remind you, that I look at you as a friend, hence I give you all the controlling powers JUST to assist you in completing your tasks? If you want perfection from me, then show me your perfect sides first! Impossible, right? We are all flawed, have limited time and have our own agenda so the least you can do is not to give public display of your unorganized minds, and try to note the line that draws the separation of you being in public, or you being in your own bathroom!

I can do things that will make your head spin, in fact I know how to manipulate it so that the damages are tripled! I just don't feel like doing it, as all these people are my friend, but if you ever cross the line again, and treat me as if I'm not your equal, so help me, I will do it.

And this includes everything that has happened throughout my whole life here in Sydney. Probably you can at least learn how to say "Thank You!".

Friday, August 17, 2007

Characters:Mr Hasnol: Maybank Assistant Vice President, who happens to be nice, and all he does was produced an extra-annoying adult's smile and stared at my set of certs as if they say I have just landed from Venus

Michael: The Vice President himself, who blabbered endlessly to me about Maybank's diverse business entities up to a point where he should be fed with half a dozen of sleeping pills.

Muhammad: An insecured UG student who would do anything to just get a placement for an internship, who also happens to be really sleepy during the interview time due to his nocturnal habits.

Mr Hasnol & Michael: Good morning, please have a seat (holding out their hands to shake mine)Muhammad : Good morning. Thank you (thrusting my firm handshake to them, while helping myself with the seat).

Mr Hasnol: So, you are Muhammad?Muhammad: Oh yes I am...Nice meeting the both of you. (taklah, Muhammad tu nama moyang aku. Thts why it is on every piece of my cert! DUH! Even my tie pin says "Muhammad" )

Mr Hasnol: We can see that you have a relatively strong academic results, except for the part where you failed one recently....(dashed his smile, which at this point, i can still bear to look at).Muhammad: Oh thank you for that. Errrr....yeah thanks!

Mr Hasnol: So I can see that you're very active outside uni. You have 3 positions as the Director of Liaisons! So tell, why did you join all these?Muhammad: Oh sure, my primary reasons of being active is blablablabla.... (at this point, my perasan mode has been truly activated, and I found myself enjoying the interview whilst being completely generous to myself with compliments....*macam bagus*)...............Michael: So Muhammad, in what ways can you contribute to MaybankMuhammad: (I seriously forgot what I said, as I truly couldn't care less about that, but I flashed my self-made confident smile and explained non-stop, sounding fully motivated, fully interested, which happened not to be the mood I was in, but who cares)...............Mr Hasnol: And please tell us any events in the past where you have displayed excellent leadership skills (dashed his creepy adult smile for probably the 14th time, and oh God, i felt nauseous at this point of moment)Muhammad: (Jawapan rahsia...but of course aku goreng sampai hangus, as if everything that I did was at the liberty of being a leader...haih...)...............(after 20 minutes of talking with me, and I was apparently was enjoying my fake mode)

Michael: So why don't you ask us some good questions about Maybank?Muhammad: Oh yes...I'm very keen to know, how can an engineer contribute to a financial institution like Maybank? (to be honest, my dad has told me this a gazillion times, and i don't need another human to explain it to me...but whutteheck!)Michael: You'll be surprised...an engineers critical and analytical mind is something that we look for in Investment Banking these days blablablablabla....(the next 15 minutes was about Maybank's diverse financial entities and how they hire graduates from various fields to cater for the ever demanding tasks....yadayadayada...exactly what I had heard from my father all these while...and this point of time...I just wanna go out of the room and shoot someone! God I'm so sleeepy!)...............Mr Hasnol: I guess that's all for I know. We are very interested with your profile, and we'll keep it in our database. We'll definitely call you this time next year to check up on you to work with us.Muhammad: Sure, sure, thanks for that! I'm very excited to hear from your company soon! (I lied. I lied. I lied)Michael: Just make sure you don't fail anymore ok! HAHAHAHAHA!Muhammad: yeah I won't HAHAHAHAHA (joining the laughs to make me appear calm and cool and collected...haih)

After saying thank you, and exchanging hand shakes, I left the Willara room with a set of Maybank goodies in my hands, thinking; what on earth was I doing at a Maybank Interview???!!! And I thought they were gonna interview me for some internship program, and why is it suddenly they plan to contact me for a graduate program instead? *garu kepala sikit*

And I walked back home.

All in all, the experience was amazing, but kinda awkward at times as i was sooo sleepy and wasn't in the mood to entertain their comments (my bad, should have gotten enough sleep) and I just wasn't into the adult creepy laugh of Mr Hasnol's.

I'll just use this experience, and other Graduan Interview experience as a way to familiarise myself with all these interviews stuff with any Australian company soon.. And hopefully I'll get an internship in Sydney. Amiiinn!!

As I clearly have no idea who to tag, oh wait! I do! Okay the next 8 person would be; Yani, Redzuan, Irwan, Anna, Kazar...and err, ok that's all. I couldn't think of anyone else who writes blog right now.

Saturday, August 04, 2007

I shall repeat again, Gwen Stefani came to Sydney! Finally i get to see Gwen live, although I was quite annoyed when she repeatedly mentioned that she was pregnant before (nak subconsciously berlagak body dah mantap balik ke?). Ok, maybe not annoyed, cuma rasa tak perlu je hahahaha!!

Anyway, among the songs she sang was: Sweet Escape, Wind It Up, Luxurious, Cool (Sheera's fav), 4am In The Morning, What You're Waiting For and a few other songs that I couldn't recall, or worse, never heard of! (Kire tak la femes sgt Gwen ni kan?)

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

My family, extended family (although some of them are bitchy, and some unmarried aunties like to complain about my mum's kids), my best friends, close friends, old friends, new friends, friends of friends, my teachers and lecturers, the barista lady, makcik jual rambutan in kerteh dulu, anyone whom has crossed my path and everyone else!

Nak tgk simpson, but takde duit! dowwnnnnn!

I need to get groceries from Coles, and my budget is only 6.4 dollars. DOWWNNNNN!!!

But still, I love everyone else. Ok DON'T CALL ME FAKE!

(I saw you from behind with my shades on, and that was the best view ever in July. Even better than pretty Lake Wanaka. Honest!)

But all in all, I honestly understand something else. Life is too important to be taken seriously!

I will spread my wings, and challenge myself to be more involved with something outside my comfort zone, to hope for the best but to expect for the worst, to embrace the different shades of human beings, and to not complain. All men has something to offer, and they by any means are able to inspire you. you just have to keep looking withing them ;)

If I recall well, one of the state I look for the most is to be calm, at least in the heart. But as you move forward, people are never subdued. They will never stop from asking you things, and contemplating, and complaining, or at times bombard you with credits that you don't quite deserve. Surroundings seemed to be noisier and noisier by the hour. Traffic is excellent in holding you back. With some bad luck, you see darker days and no hope of recovering. Then it hit me again, being calm does not mean you have to be living in a serene and traquil and harmonious situation; as there will be very few of those. But it's living amidst all those noises, complains, honking and so on, and still be calm in the heart.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

throughout the trip, i've had always hoped that the next day will be the day that the trip actually starts. the real road trip. but the as the sun rises, there will always be new confusing maps, us getting lost, punctured tyres, clock seemed to be doubling its speed, petty arguments and misunderstandings, the weather being too cold, existence of rude kiwis and with this, my rambles will never stop. then it really hit me - this is the real road trip. the journey and ups and downs that we had was the one. with that i understand a new spectrum about life; happiness is not a destination, but rather it's a journey.

Saturday, July 07, 2007

This trip really blew my mind off! Dome with 4 days, another 10 days to go! Loving every second of it!

Well, except for some parts where I lost NZD300, left my camera batt, walking for 6 km to Auckland International Airport along the motorway, and errr, some petty arguments. But all in all, I'm loving this country!

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Alan, Arif, Sheera, Yaya, Dirah, Kazar and myself helped Nik out with his movie assignments (boleh cool lagi tak?!). So here is the outcomes. Has been meaning to put this up in my blog for a loooonnngggg time, but of course, blame my ASSignments. As usual.

Right now, i'm sitting in front of my laptop, with my contented and blissed mind, and i was utterly glad to not spot any scrap papers of equations-filled in front of me, and i'm not under pressure. MY EXAMS ARE OVEEERRRRR! i'm done with the fifth semester of my uni life...ALHAMDULILLAH ;)

anyway, i got a bit hyped up just now. my house was in such a mess, i was busy cleaning up and tidying and straightening things...and amidst of all that, my sim card was somewhere on the table, and i lost it! imagine how frantic i was, trying to search for something that is barely bigger than a 10 cent coin, with piles of rubbish and other stuff in the hse! nasib baik dah jumpe....again, alhamdulillah!

my friends from perth; potet, key and saleh came so they put up a couple of nights in my hse. i gave my bed to saleh for him to sleep, as i told him i wasn't sleepy at all...ye la tido 5 jam petang tadi ops...but now my eyes has gotten heavier, so kene tido but takkanlah nak suroh dia bangun from the bed kan? buruk siku tu namenye haiyooo...

anyway, i plan to bring them to bondi beach tomorrow, and i was super excited promoting the fried mars bars to them. about AUD3 i think. takpe irwan, when kau dah sampai sydney, i'll definitely bring you there. the fried mars bar is sinful, i tell youh!

so for the next 1 month of my life, i have planned a lot of things for me to do (and of course, involves a lot of $$$, bile dah hbs sume sure pokai supeerrr....)

30th June to 3rd July: I'll be in Melbourne, for the NCG. Highlights; meeting old friends, making new friends, NCG events, chilling in the cold but serene city of Melbourne with my favourite people, and of course, the MASCA National AGM. As usual, I'm running for the National Liaison Director Position.

3rd July to 18th July: I'll fly to Auckland and meet my bestfriend, Redzuan and of course my cousins there and Aunty Timah. Highlights; a 15 days road trip in the land of "Long White Clouds", Auckland Harbour View, Rotorua Geothermal&HotMudPools and its stinky ambience, Taupo HukaJet Boat Ride, Wellington sophisticated and cultured metropolis, the world's best ferry ride (according to Lonely Planet) to Picton, scenic drive along South Island's West Coast, Christchurch English Taste, Canterbury Plains exhilarating passes and picturesque highlands, Hokitika Pancakes Rocks, Franz Josef glacier town, glacier hiking in Franz Josef, youthful Wanaka, countless LOTR shooting scenes, Queenstown's nerve wrenching bungy-jumping, the Nevis skydive (the only thing stopping you is your mind!), Milford Sound's tranquil cruise at one of the most beautiful place on earth (according to Lonely Planet, again haih), Lake Tekapo's laid back atmosphere...and of course, a road trip to remember with 16 old and new friends, hopefully ;)

18th July to 21st July: Fly back to Melbourne, meet Arizal an do some catch-ups. Then head to the Great Ocean Road (for the second time in a year!)and stop in all the small towns in between with Yamud, Beyh, Syahrir and Alia. what can i say; perfect destinations, perfect company. Alhamdulillah...

and 30th July: Gwen Stefani concert with my friends in SYDNEY!!

i like how things are working right now; i have studied hard for the exams, i get to meet a lot of new and old friends in the winter break, i'll be visiting a lot of new and interesting places, and i'll be doing the things that i'm not sure i will be doing in the future.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not bragging, I'm just in the liberty to relief my subcontained moods, now that exams are over!

Here I Come!

A real human trapped in between conservative values and episodes of modern fiction. Motivated by the life statement that i believed in, but not so much of the future. A man that expresses way too much, only to discover later it is not necessarily for the good. Have my own way in being funny, but not so much of a laughing addict. Family and close friends shed the light of my comfort zone, and without them i can't function well. But appreciates those moments when i had to step in the courage zone too. A lot of things build me, a lot of things make me stronger. Other than that, everything's casual, nothing to shout about.