Author
Topic: The Bastards Get EVERYONE in the End. (Read 1005 times)

They get everyone in the end. They put a funnel of cream corn in Brittney Spears’ mouth and turned her into Sally Struthers, They killed MLK, they turned Michael Jackson White, They sold our economy and They can’t even say who they sold it to, because They ran all the loans through a blender first. They got Dr James Semaj, They took your job and put it somewhere, only They can’t say why because that’s a national security issue, and by the way, you’re going to jail for 5 years because you watched the wrong video on Youtube.

Wow, it’s a good thing all my pessimistic predictions turned out to be idiotically optimistic, right? I mean, I was thinking they’d just haul the Troublemakers™ off to indefinite detention, but why do that when you can just make the whole fucking country a prison? HAR HAR! Private prisons didn’t make prisons look like the “real world” (work for peanuts or you get no “good time” towards release), instead, we made the “real world” look like a prison! It’s the biggest damn jail in the world, and what puzzles me is that thousands of people risk their lives screaming across the desert to get INTO that prison!

Are they RETARDED? Or, and this question is for you foreign types, is the myth of America still believed anywhere? Do people still have some fucked up idea that this is “the land of opportunity”? Because the only opportunity I see here is the opportunity to be upside down on your mortgage, stuffing your face with lard mixed with binders, and the opportunity to stress out so hard you have to take all manner of PILLS HERE.

But don’t worry too much. It’s just the future, here to say “HELLO, THERE!” It’s just the glut of bad signal – fear and anxiety – that means our natural filters aren’t enough, and so we have to chemically make ourselves dumber, just to get through the day without twitching ourselves into a seizure. Ho ho! Isn’t that what you asked for? Isn’t that what you PAID for? Sure, the ad showed sexy people in flying cars or in spaceships heading for Alpha Centauri, but you DIDN’T READ THE FINE PRINT.

You see, YOU aren’t going. We’re sending robots to have our adventures FOR US, while we act like slightly off-kilter automatons here. And you’ll LIKE IT. You’ll say, “PLEASE GIVE ME MORE THINGS, AND WHILE YOU’RE AT IT, LET’S GET ALL THE BAD GUYS. YOU JUST TELL US WHO THOSE BAD GUYS ARE, AND WE’LL CHANGE THE WORLD BY ATTENDING HATE-INS OR JUST GOING TO BURNING MAN.”

There has never been a safer time to be a bad guy. You can steal ANYTHING and get away with it, so long as that ANYTHING is worth a lot of money and/or is REALLY IMPORTANT. Steal a Big Mac, of course, and you’re going away for years. Even poor old Charles Manson, right? He only killed a half-dozen people without actually being the trigger man, so he’s still in prison. The president and congress send proxies to kill people all the time, and they get paid to do it! That’s because when THEY do it, they don’t fuck around. What, you killed 3500 of us on September 11th, 2001? Well, FUCK YOU. WE will kill 4500 of our own people in a totally unrelated country, JUST TO SHOW YOU HOW IT’S DONE. We’ll also throw in a few hundred thousand of the locals, just to show you how bad we skunked you.

And don’t think you can belly-crawl or ass-lick your way out of this, either? Remember the horse in Animal Farm? Even if you ARE the number one fan of Obama or the teabaggers or the dems or the GOP, you’re STILL going to get it in the neck. Everyone will. It’s how the future works, it’s like a big set of gears, and GUESS WHO GETS THROWN IN AS LUBE? Grind, grind, grind, oh hey! I knew that guy? Cool. Well, throw another hundred in the hopper.

What’s really funny is people like the Oathkeepers, law enforcement & military folks who say they won’t take part in any round ups or whatnot. Even if they wouldn’t (they would, if the correct party was doing it), it doesn’t matter, because there isn’t going to be any Nazi-esque roundup! That was 1940. This is today. They’ve ALREADY rounded us up, just by leaving us in our own fucking homes!

NOW HOW MUCH WOULD YOU PAY?

Don’t answer yet! There’s MORE! It turns out that the prison has a restricted reading list. We can’t have the inmates running around getting IDEAS or maybe realizing that ALL OF THIS HAS HAPPENED BEFORE. That would only cause trouble, and then they’ll have to stop giving us dessert for a week.

You get ALL that, and it will STILL CUT THROUGH A TOMATO (and your pitiful excuse for a life). NOW HOW MUCH WOULD YOU PAY? Easy, you fucking sap, just look at your W2 this month. YOU PAID FOR THIS. If you didn’t LIKE IT, you WOULDN’T PAY. Oh, there’s shipping & handling costs, too, but they’re fairly inconsequential, and you’ll never feel a thing, you fucking sap.

OR KILL ME.

« Last Edit: January 20, 2012, 01:44:54 pm by The Good Reverend Roger »

Are they RETARDED? Or, and this question is for you foreign types, is the myth of America still believed anywhere?

Speaking as a filthy european I've listened to your country spouting on about the "AMURRICAN DREAM" all my life and all I ever thought was "I wonder if they'll ever wake up?"

Still wondering...

FTR, it's not much better over here but we are at least aware that "democracy" is really just the same old dark ages feudalism wrapped up in a cute little fairy story. Strikes me the US serfs actually bought it

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Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCKAwful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart ContagionOctomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairmanwalking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy"And National Geographic got interested because National Geographic has the theory that the last century, discovery was basically finding things, and in this century, discovery is basically making things."-- Stewart Brand

FTR, it's not much better over here but we are at least aware that "democracy" is really just the same old dark ages feudalism wrapped up in a cute little fairy story. Strikes me the US serfs actually bought it

Ours has a better paint scheme, is all. We're a sucker for bright, shiny colors.

They are salesmen, Roger. They know Their market. They sell Freedom™ and They know what You want.

Old-Style freedom can't match the needs of the modern, informed consumer. Consumers today know that Freedom™ provides the optimum way of getting through the day. Available in easy to swallow tablet form, Freedom™ provides an easy way to ease the strain of modern living and can assist with:

Guilt.

Fear.

Choice.

Decreased Productivity (or Slack)

Unfortunate smudgy people in YOUR neighbourhood

Amongst many more.

People who accept their daily dose of Freedom™ are more likely to find success in their professional lives. Sure, your current job may be outsourced to some schmuck far away, or 'consolidated' onto Joe's workload (we all know Joe can handle it), but that's no problem with a dose of Freedom™. You too can find satisfaction serving more Freedom™ to your fellow consumers!

Freedom™ is expanding along with the needs of consumers today.

The modern consumer wants Freedom™ to protect them from the outside world. Freedom™ is knowing that a high cholesterol meal is just a phone call away. Freedom™ is getting what They know You want when They say You want it. Freedom™ can take you anywhere, any time, through the actions of people just like You relayed through the glowing Freedom™ Box in Your Freedom™ Cell.

Freedom™ is now available at convenient locations worldwide, with more coming every day! More consumers than ever before are enjoying all the Freedom™ they can handle!

Have it Our Way!

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Truly, though our element is time,We are not suited to the long perspectivesOpen at each instant of our lives.They link us to our losses: worse,They show us what we have as it once was,Blindingly undiminished, just as thoughBy acting differently, we could have kept it so.

What, you killed 3500 of us on September 11th, 2001? Well, FUCK YOU. WE will kill 4500 of our own people in a totally unrelated country, JUST TO SHOW YOU HOW IT’S DONE. We’ll also throw in a few hundred thousand of the locals, just to show you how bad we skunked you.

"Get offa me, you freaks! This is not North Korea. No. This is America, and I expect to be PAID for that sort of nonsense. In advance. No credit...Cash on the barrelhead or GTFO. I swear to God, there's nothing more annoying than commie perverts who don't understand the intrinsic value of the free market system."

They are salesmen, Roger. They know Their market. They sell Freedom™ and They know what You want.

Old-Style freedom can't match the needs of the modern, informed consumer. Consumers today know that Freedom™ provides the optimum way of getting through the day. Available in easy to swallow tablet form, Freedom™ provides an easy way to ease the strain of modern living and can assist with:

Guilt.

Fear.

Choice.

Decreased Productivity (or Slack)

Unfortunate smudgy people in YOUR neighbourhood

Amongst many more.

People who accept their daily dose of Freedom™ are more likely to find success in their professional lives. Sure, your current job may be outsourced to some schmuck far away, or 'consolidated' onto Joe's workload (we all know Joe can handle it), but that's no problem with a dose of Freedom™. You too can find satisfaction serving more Freedom™ to your fellow consumers!

Freedom™ is expanding along with the needs of consumers today.

The modern consumer wants Freedom™ to protect them from the outside world. Freedom™ is knowing that a high cholesterol meal is just a phone call away. Freedom™ is getting what They know You want when They say You want it. Freedom™ can take you anywhere, any time, through the actions of people just like You relayed through the glowing Freedom™ Box in Your Freedom™ Cell.

Freedom™ is now available at convenient locations worldwide, with more coming every day! More consumers than ever before are enjoying all the Freedom™ they can handle!

Have it Our Way!

One interesting fact: We didn't win WWII with loads of tanks and bombers and nukes and shit. With those, we won battles. We won the war by stomping the bad guys flat...and then giving the survivoring population Hershey Bars. Besides being a concilatory gesture, it also conveyed a message:

Quote from: America, Circa 1945

While you guys were making bullets in peoples' homes just to keep up, we reserved entire factories to make chocolate bars. Whole industrial complexes making candy, and we still outproduced you in weapons 10:1, having started from no production at all 5 years ago.

War's over. Have some chocolate.

Problem is, we got used to controling the world with luxury goods. Then we started getting high on our own product, and any drug dealer can tell you where that road leads.

(Also, we don't let the individual grunts hand out the chocolate anymore, because it humanizes the enemy.)

This reminds me of the look on the face of the Mexican immigrant in my Sociology class as we unfold how the US government really works.

How does he look?

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Although it is outside the purview of this organization to offer personal advice, we can say -- without assuming any liability -- that previous experience indicates (and recent market studies corroborate) that given the present condition of the marketplace, continuing with your present course of action is likely to result in substantial increases in corpse production.

This reminds me of the look on the face of the Mexican immigrant in my Sociology class as we unfold how the US government really works.

How does he look?

She looks horrified. Like "I moved HERE for a better life? FUCK!"

Indeed.

Logged

Although it is outside the purview of this organization to offer personal advice, we can say -- without assuming any liability -- that previous experience indicates (and recent market studies corroborate) that given the present condition of the marketplace, continuing with your present course of action is likely to result in substantial increases in corpse production.