Taylor Hall is currently meeting with Judge Dredd (Brendon Shanahan) for knee-on-knee crime. I just found out (literally right this second) that kneeing is a penalty. Whether or not Taylor intended to destroy Cal, this looks like the definition of the penalty. What do you think, suspended for 2?

Last night, Zach Parise (Minnesota Wild) treated Corey Crawford (Chicago Blackhawks) to a nice night of romantic dancing. Fortunately for Parise, Corey Crawford isn’t a tease and Parise got to go all the way, securing a win for the Wild and deflowering the previously perfect Blackhawks. It is rumored that Parise will wait a few days before calling to not seem too clingy.

Patrick Kane passed a laser to Marian Hossa who buried it to secure the OT win for the Blackhawks. The Hawks stay undefeated. ESPN has declared them the Champs for the 2013 season and have resumed seeing how many times they can say, “HARBAUGH” in a 24 hour news day. (Spoiler: it is a lot more than you think.)

That play was so nasty, it is only legal in the deep south.

Meanwhile, from the Blackhawks Instagram (whatever the hell that is), Marian Hossa is setting up for a quick DJ set to celebrate the crucial goal.

Have you guys heard the new Macklemore track? It’s sick. Oh, you want to interview me right NOW? I’m BUSY.

After Nathan Gerbe was borded (pretty hard) by Drayson Bowman in the first period, he started getting into it with the Canes. The ref didn’t like it much and pretty forcefully pushed Gerbe into the glass.

As a Christmas gift last year, my girlfriend’s mother gave me the most impossible Hockey Trivia game ever made, NHL All About Hockey Trivia. I’m sure It would be a great game if I knew anything about hockey, but I don’t. So, instead of letting it collect dust in my closet, I figured I should quiz all of you know-it-all puckheads. Feel free to gloat over your superior knowledge or admit to your humiliating dumbness in the comments.