It’s an e-mail from Hot Doctor. We just shared an impossibly sexy date. Now he’s boldly sending a morning-

after missive? Impressive.

Glowing, I scan his note. Flirtatious allusion to last night’s “unfinished business”? Check. Clever reference to obscure salsa band we both pretended to like to impress each other? Check. Confirmation of second date (at restaurant serving “salsa-inspired” fare)? Check.

The man gives good e-mail. Until I reach the end of his message, which he’s signed . . . wait for it . . .

Hugs,Alan

Hugs? In e-mail after e-mail, his limp embraces keep coming.

It’s my firm belief that “hugs” should be reserved for Care Bears and great aunts and hipsters steeped in irony. Not a 32-year-old physician writing a love note.

Like a tight baseball game, flirty e-mails and texts require the perfect closer to seal the deal. One false move can blow the whole game.

“Every word you choose and how you choose to use it, from the subject to the sign-off, will set intent and tone,” says Judith Kallos, founder of NetManners.com. “When it comes to matters of the heart . . . read your e-mail out loud to make sure it sounds the way you intend.”

I ask how the infamous hugs sign-off sounds to her.

“Hmmm,” she responds. “Never ran into a man who communicated in that manner. Was there something going on that he felt you needed a little extra encouragement?”

Well, no, Judith, I don’t believe there was. I mean. Unless I look like the kind of girl who desperately needs a hug?

To console myself, I ask friends if they’ve encountered similarly sucky sign-offs. Turns out there are even

ewwwwww-ier offenders haunting the bottoms of New York love notes. What follows are some of the worst text and e-mail enders ever sent — and their secret meanings.

Be good,

Translation: I’m telling you to be good since I can’t keep it in my pants.

“My ex-boyfriend used to sign his e-mails, ‘Be good,’ which was totally ironic because he was cheating on me at the time,” says 26-year-old Kate. “Needless to say, I’m now dating a guy who only signs his initials.”

I’m not kidding,

Translation: I’m a freak in the sheets. You down with that?

“This is the perfect ending to a filthy text,” says the ballsy Kelly, 22. “But it intimidates a lot of guys.”

Kallos offers encouragement on this one, insisting that a sign-off “reflects your personality and what a neat person you are. If that scares someone away or they don’t like it, then better you find out sooner than later.” Let your freak flag fly, Kelly!

Yours in Christ,

Translation: She wants to be soul mates.

“You’d think this was a joke,” says Brian, a 36-year-old comedian. “You’d be wrong. I wrote back, ‘Yours in Moses.’”

Gotta run,

Translation: He’s training for a douche-a-thon.

“This one guy would always sign his e-mails, ‘Gotta run,’ which I thought was weird,” says Christina, 28. “Then I found out running was his hobby, which just made it douchey.”

Coupon enclosed,

Translation: There’s a coupon enclosed. Seriously.

Lest you think the advent of icky endings is a modern phenomenon, Jason, a 33-year-old youth counselor, recounts this tale from 1995: “I had e-mail,” he explains. “She didn’t.”

“She’d send me letters that would always include coupons wrapped up inside. I decided to end the relationship the week she sent me a coupon for Jet Dry. I had no idea what Jet Dry was or why I needed to save 40 cents on it. Nothing kills a romantic letter like a little sheet of slick, clipped paper that says ‘Half off Dinty Moore Beef Stew.’”

LOL,

Translation: Lots of love.

A 52-year-old mom I know just learned how to text, but somehow mistook LOL to mean “lots of love.” She has a habit of texting her teenage kids, “Get home safe. LOL! Mom.”