Brand new Art History adjunct writing about school, life and art- but not necessarily in that order.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Adventures in Primping

This afternoon, after a rather nice if uneventful pedicure, I decided, Damn. My eyebrows look a hot mess- perhaps I will get them waxed while I'm here. So I trudged back to the room where the waxing commences, my toes wrapped up in toilet paper fashioned into toe separators. I lay down on the table-dental-chair-torture contraption, which, incidentally, justfrickinfits in the room, and onto which I justaboutfrickingfit. I'm only 5'8".

The waxing began normally enough, with me holding my breath while the lady applied the wax. I don't do this in anticipation of pain so much as I just don't think that the lady appreciates my breathed-up air all over her arms and hands. I wouldn't like it. But sometimes I almost pass out. Today was hot, and well, you do the math. The room got fuzzy, but I didn't actually pass out.

Until.

So for my male reader(s?) out there, first the lady puts on the wax. Then she sticks a hunk of bedsheet to it, and rips out your eyebrow hairs in clumps. And then she puts on Vaseline to help remove the extra wax, and to help her to pluck. out. each.and. every. individual. eyebrow. hair. that. the. wax. missed. This took about 4 hours today, me hyperventilating the whoooole time.

Then.

She used alcohol to remove the vaseline. OH MY GOD the pain. It felt like she threw hot acid in my face. My eyebrows! My skin! You just opened up all the pores by ripping out hair, and now you've sent them screaming shut in response to the burny burny alcohol, oh my god, lady, do I tip badly or something?

If I thought my head looked a hot mess before, take a look at this:

This is a hideous photo of my eyebrows, taken four house after the heinous attack they suffered at the hands of the nail salon lady. It's un-Photoshopped, except for a little patch of grody dry skin on my forehead that I must admit I retouches (cough cough, Britney in that magazine she just did nekked, ahem). Those are my eyes, my dark circles, and my scary damaged eyebrowal area.

Your eyebrowal area looks fine, just a little red, and that'll go away in a jiff. I'm looking for a place to get my brows done, but I want to be sure they're not going to screw it up. Or, you know, throw alcohol on my tender skin. Ow.

One word: Lawsuit. Once I got burned by the hot wax and had a SCAB under my eyebrow for two weeks! I ran into my college boyfriend and he said, "So what have you been up to? I mean, besides being burned?" So humiliated.