Love is a word that gets tossed around a lot. If you can’t decide whether or not what you have is real, scroll past the jump to learn how to recognize love when you see it.

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Steps

1

Think about everything you want in a relationship. Get to know your own thoughts and feelings on what love is -- not just generally, but for you as an individual. Be sure to include how you want to feel in a relationship. Is it important for you to feel supported? Empowered? Confident? Desired? Consider writing it down so that you look everything over when you’re done. Does the relationship you’ve described sound like a healthy one? Is one partner doing more work than the other?

Resist the temptation to just describe the person you’re interested in. It’s easy to confuse your feelings for one person with your feelings about love in general, so be honest and objective with yourself.

Make sure you know the difference between love and lust or infatuation. Lust is sexual desire without much emotional involvement. Infatuation makes you feel "crazy" about someone, but, by definition, this fades over time. If you’ve only known or been with this person for a short while, really think about whether or not you’re moving too fast or are simply experiencing puppy love.

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2

Think about your feelings for this person. This can cover anything you feel is relevant including looks, hygiene, brains, personality, humor, thoughtfulness, etc. Write down both your likes and your dislikes, then compare them. Are there more likes or dislikes? More importantly, are there more substantial likes or dislikes? If you like 30 superficial things about this person but only a handful of substantial ones, either they aren’t relationship material… or you aren’t as in love as you thought you were.

Ask yourself if you are seeing and accepting a whole person. Did you gloss anything over, try to justify certain behavior, or even lie to yourself while thinking about your crush? Are you in love with this person or with the idea of this person? Remember that a partner is a package deal; if you can’t handle the imperfections, the relationship isn't as strong as you thought.

3

Think about how being around this person makes you feel. Note that how you feel when you’re with him or her is very different from how you feel when you think about him or her. Write down the good and bad things you feel. Does the relationship boost your confidence or undermine it? Encourage you to share your feelings or hide them? Make you more or less honest? As you go, ask yourself whether or not these feelings make you sound like happy, confident person. Maybe being around this person makes you feel invincible… but your own feelings don’t go that deep; are you in love with them or with their interest in you?

If you’re having a hard time staying objective, write everything down in the third person as though you’re talking about someone else. (Ex. Sam feels…) Make up a name if necessary. Then, read it back to yourself – or have a trusted friend read it for you. Does the person described sound like someone you want to be?

4

Think back on what you originally decided you want out of a relationship. How well does your current relationship stack up against the one you described as ideal? Do you and your love interest seem equally invested?

Don’t settle. While compromising is a necessary part of being in any human relationship, settling means accepting less than you know you deserve. This is a surefire way to waste time that you could be spending finding a better match.

Remember that one person’s love can’t keep a relationship going. Whether you are on the giving or receiving end of this unbalanced dynamic, the relationship will not last if the two of you aren’t putting in the same amount of energy.

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Tips

Always pay attention to the discrepancies between what a person says and how they act. It’s better to be with someone who says little but treats you lovingly than someone who praises you endlessly but behaves thoughtlessly.

Do you constantly look back on previous text messages? This is a simple sign.

Try not spending some time with that person for about a day. Then record how you felt when you weren't in their presence.

Love is something that takes time.

Realize that there's a difference between "loving someone" and "being in love." You can love family, friends, etc., but being in love is much more intimate.

Actions speak louder than words.

Try weighing up the things you like and don't like about this person, and see if the things you like outweigh the things you don't.

Warnings

Take your time; “love” isn't a word that you should throw around.

Don't always be out there looking for someone to love; you'll know when you find someone you truly love, and it'll feel natural.

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