Environmental Health Jokes – Health Care Safety Jokes

Every person is a conscious about health and fitness, so here is some selected jokes about health and jokes on health care. you can read and better care of your health and healthy life in funny style and mood. Please share to all,

1. High Blood Pressure

When a physician remarked on a new patient’s extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family.

Your mother’s side or your father’s? I asked.

Neither, he replied. It’s from my wife’s family.

Oh, come now, I said. How could your wife’s family give you high blood pressure?.

He sighed. You oughta meet ’em sometime, Doc.

2. Jogging

It is well documented that for every mile that you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.

3. A Blonde is Overweight

A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.

I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.

The blonde nods. I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day. From hunger, you mean?” said the doctor.

No, from skipping, replied the blonde.

4. Jack’s Last Will and Testament

Jack has died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Jack’s Last Will and Testament:

To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 50 acres of land, and 1 million dollars. To my son Barry, I leave my Big Lexus and the Jaguar. To my daughter Suzy, I leave my yacht and $250,000. And to my brother-in-law Jeff, who always insisted that health is better than wealth, I leave my treadmill.

5. A Flat Tire in Front of an Insane Asylum

A motorist had a flat tire in front of an insane asylum. He took the wheel off, but when he stood up he tipped over the hubcap containing the bolts, spilling them all down a sewer drain.

A patient, looking through the fence, suggested that the man take one bolt from
the remaining three wheels to hold the fourth wheel in place until he could get to a service station.

The motorist thanked him profusely and said, I don’t know why you are in that place.

The patient said, I’m in here for being crazy, not for being stupid.

6. Get Well Soon

A motorcycle cop was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix.

The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn’t told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.

Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the ultra sticky kind. Written in large black letters was the sentence, Get well soon! Luv, from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week.

7. Jack’s Last Will and Testament

Jack has died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Jack’s Last Will and Testament:

To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 50 acres of land, and 1 million dollars. To my son Barry, I leave my Big Lexus and the Jaguar. To my daughter Suzy, I leave my yacht and $250,000. And to my brother-in-law Jeff, who always insisted that health is better than wealth, I leave my treadmill.

8. Smoke Detector

The smoke detector industry is covering up research showing more people are injured every year falling from ladders and stepstools while trying to replace smoke detector batteries than are injured in house fires.

9. Helping an Overweight Blond

An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds.

The blonde followed the doctor’s advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results.

At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question: How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?.

10. Regular Consumption of Guinness

Well now, you see it’s like this,

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the rear that are killed. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole because only the fittest survive thus improving the general health and speed of the entire herd.

In much the same way the human brain only operates as quickly as the slowest of it’s brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells, as we all know, and naturally the alcohol attacks the slowest/weakest cells first,

So it is as plain as the nose on your face that regular consumption of Guinness will eliminate the weaker, slower brain cells thus leaving the remaining cells the best in the brain.

The end result, of course, is a faster more efficient brain.

If you doubt this at all, tell me, isn’t it true that we always feel a bit smarter after a few pints?