Sunday, 8 May 2011

Mistress introduces strict new regime

My bottom feels bruised and sore after one of the strictest weekends ever with Mistress.

I don’t know about you, but normally when I punished, there’s the initial hurt, the sting lasts for a short while but then it’s gone – a faint memory - and marks that last a few days at most.

This weekend my poor bottom has throbbed and burned, and every little movement is a reminder of how marked and how swollen my cheeks are.

Mistress had warned me that I was going to pay for every little thing that annoyed her during the week, and she didn’t disappoint in her threat.

So, even though I was punished quite severely on Friday night: once over the bench for several dozen with the cane and then back over the leather footstool for a good paddling later, there was no let up on Saturday or Sunday either.

This was a departure. Mistress normally punishes me once or maybe twice during a weekend and will stop beating me at the slightest hint of a graze. Not this weekend.

I feared the worst when Mistress didn’t tell me to put all the implements away after the first punishment. There they sat, poised for action on the couch throughout the weekend. And they got action.

After my second beating on Friday, Mistress said, ‘I don’t see you’ve really learned anything from tonight. I need to know, what am I going to have to do to stop you making the same mistakes? Do you deliberately try to wind up so I will cane you? Go and write down exactly how you feel about this, what we need for this all to become far more effective and we’ll discuss this further over the weekend.’

This is what I wrote;

My Darling Mistress:

The answer to your second question is no, I didn’t deliberately wind you up. Though it wasn’t always like that. I used to deliberately play the brat to ensure a beating, when I wanted it. That meant it was always on my terms when I was in the mood.

But I think you realised this some time ago and now I’m punished when you decide, which is a positive step, he this evening’s session for several infractions both today and over the last few days. I certainly wasn’t in the mood for it but thank you so much for correcting me.

So to your first question Mistress: I think you know that, for a masochist, being caned can be quite pleasurable – but only if it’s delivered in such a way that it’s possible to savour each stroke.

For example, prior to my relationship, as you know, I once was given a judicial canings- by a Lady with a fearsome reputation for severity. While each stroke delivered an incredible impact, the gaps (some up to 20s or even more) between each were enough to for me to compose myself for the next one. It meant absorbing every last intense stinging moment before the next intense impact. I took all 36 without any really drama and could have taken more but more important it was an extremely enjoyable experience.

Tonight though Mistress you gave me six with 10s gaps then 12 with no gap at all. And I made a right fuss because the pain was too much in a short space of time. But then, you stopped because of my moaning – and that allowed me to regain my composure.

So in answer to your question Mistress, I am probably signing my own pain warrant here, but I think the answer for a more effective method of punishment is firstly to be more ruthless and reduce the time between strokes. If you are hurting me, I’m going to moan - it’s a natural reaction.

But, my feeling is that any punishment has to have a degree of severity to have an effect, otherwise there’s nothing to fear. Obviously I don’t set out to ever upset you or annoy you but I am aware that because of my failings, this sometimes happens.

I think this weekend it became clear what does annoy you and I will try harder to not to do these things in future. I don’t want to annoy you – or to fail you - but perhaps it’s good for us to have that safety net of corrective measures if I do.

xxx

The next morning Mistress punished me again. Before we had even finished breakfast, I found myself over a foot stool being paddled. A couple of hours later I was over the bench being caned yet again. These weren’t lightweight taps either but full force and they hurt like hell on my already sore bottom. Each time it was for small, but pertinent offences that annoyed Mistress.

At this time Mistress had not read my notes and I was beginning to think I should rewrite them, explaining that under this weekend’s regime I was learning fast.

But when we were out shopping Mistress suddenly asked, ‘what happened to the note you were meant to have written me last night?’

I explained I had written it but had not had a chance to print if. Mistress asked me to tell her its contents. Which, I proceeded to do – but pointed out, it seemed like she had already read my mind.

That was far from the end of the story. I was beaten again Saturday night and twice on Sunday and it became all too clear that Mistress had taken my thoughts on board. Now the cane or paddle strokes continued way beyond the point I began moaning. I was being pushed harder and harder and by the time I was ordered to my feet after each session, I was sweating profusely, my heartbeat was ragged, I was shaking and, while I was not in tears, my eyes were well and truly moist from screwing them so tightly. My throat was also dry and sore, thanks to the muffled screams I was trying to fight back.

After the final session, Mistress told me to compile my thoughts on the weekend, which I have done below;

My darling Mistress:

I think this weekend has been a giant step forward after six years or so of our flr.

In some ways, the thoughts I penned on Friday night were largely overtaken by the events of Saturday and Sunday.

I feel that this weekend is the first time you have punished me because you wanted to actually teach me a lesson and the first time you’ve punished me severely enough to achieve the goal of correcting my real faults.

I know you had warned me I would suffer this weekend but I had no idea just how severe you would be. I noted a new edge to the way you beat me – deliberately pulling my pants down further so you could aim not one, but several strokes into the crease between my bottom and thighs, deliberately wrapping the whip around my thighs, and paddling my thighs and bottoms of my feet (albeit not with any force but still enough to smart).

You say I’ve learned nothing from all of this. Well that may have appeared so to on Friday night but things have changed since then.

I accept it’s going to be a long process to rehabilitate me after years of my silly attitude and lazy ways, but I thank you for trying to do this and for fully embracing this kind of regime.

I think if the events of this weekend become routine practice, then over time I will indeed change.

I say this because I came to a point – several times – during this weekend where I didn’t want to feel the cane anymore, not just in the session, but for the rest of the weekend. But time and again you told me to fetch it for another dose and believe me, it was with a feeling of dread each time I obeyed your orders.

I suppose the biggest thing is that our discussions this weekend helped bring home to me how annoying I am at times and I understand that I thoroughly deserve to be corrected for my ways.

These three days have been very emotional for me, the beatings on at least two occasions almost bringing me to tears and this morning’s having me on the verge of begging you to stop. I think the only thing stopping me doing that was a realisation, deep down, that I deserved what I was getting.

And far from it having a negative effect on our relationship, it’s made me appreciate even more how much love you have for me and how hard you work to enrich our relationship by doing the things you know will make me happy.

Personally, I love submitting to your authority just makes me feel so much love and respect for you.

I only hope I can repay this love and affection you have shown me, by behaving in a manner that pleases you as much as you please me my darling.

xxx

If you have got this far you might well be wondering what it is that annoys Mistress so much? There are three things, my indecision, my negative attitude and my saying no, when I mean yes and vice versa. How does this affect our relationship? My indecision affects everything so when Mistress asks me what I’d like to eat or do, she can never get a straight answer. Maybe that’s because I don’t like making decisions and prefer her to take the lead – but Mistress does not always want the burden and it’s understandable why it annoys her so.

My negative attitude just brings us both down and finally, my no, meaning yes just infuriates Mistress and confuses every single thing we do and I’ve no idea why I do it - unless it’s some kind of way of attracting attention.

So do I do these things deliberately to annoy Mistress, knowing she might punish me? I definitely used to. More recently I don’t think so but maybe subconsciously it’s still there. I do have a masochistic streak and get off on receiving corporal punishment. So maybe that’s the answer.

But this weekend was different. Believe me I had no feelings of excitement going to get the cane for the umpteenth time – only dread. So who knows? If Mistress does continue this severity of regime for any length of time maybe the fascination of the cane will be replaced with fear of the cane. And in some ways, that’s what I’ve been searching for all this time. Is it really about me, wanting to please Mistress more - or is it me delving deeper and deeper into my masochistic fantasy world?

5 comments:

RM - WOW, half a dozen beatings in one weekend. That is a serious dose of correction. You are very lucky that Mistress is willing and able to turn up the heat on corporal activities to improve your attitude and service to her. I hope you both find benefits to the new regime.

I'm totally with you about the “enough time between strokes – bearable / not enough time between strokes – horrible” distinction! After reading this I'm once again very glad that I don't do real-life discipline sessions, I guess it would be easy for Ludwig to know how to make a spanking very unpleasant for me... ;-) But it's good to see that the new regiment seems to work so well for the two of you! :-)

A great blog and one that shows the difficulties of being flr and having your partner deliver what is needed. I have experienced your frustrations with play punishments where the discipline was not intense enough to give what is wanted and needed. The female in an flr will often not want to go as far as the submissive wishes because she worries about the pain inflicted. Then when she does cross the barrier and delivers a true thrashing the submissive worries that he cannot take the pain. In all honesty if you want flr then it has to be meaningful punishment, where you are made to feel sorry for your mistakes and the caning must be hard. Anything else is just play and that is not truly satisfying. I would far rather take 24 discipline strokes and be left to regret them than 100 soft play strokes.Look forward to hearing how you get on with the new regime. Michael M

Newport's sub: Yes, a truly lucky man - with a brosuied bottom! The benefits are many.

HERsubmissivehusband: You are so right. I deserved every last stroke. And felt them all.

Kaelah: yes, it's interesting that people talk about the severity of punishment in terms of numbers of strokes , or how hard they are applied. Rarely is any attention paid to the timing of the strokes.

Michael M: I couldn't agree more with you about the punishment having to be meaningful or how difficut it is for the female to cross the barier and inflict a real thrashing. We have crossed the line and Mistress admits to deliberately aiming stokes in the crease between the top of my thighs and bottom of my bottom cheeks because she knows how much more painful it will be