Wednesday, December 10, 2014

.ribbit.ribbit.

I have a sweet girlfriend that I work with who not too long ago was going through some relationship turmoil. She's young, beautiful and is dating in a new-to-her town. She has met some boys she liked, some she thought she liked, and some she most certainly didn't like. Every few mornings she'd be at my desk with an update looking for some advice and help off the dating ledge. One morning after dishing out my advice she sighs a big sigh of relief, exclaims how much better she felt after our chat and then said "How do you always know what to say?!" I smiled, took a little pause and the only thing I could come up with is:

I've had to kiss a few frogs.

While it's such a corny and overused phrase, referring to kissing a few frogs to find your prince, it's so true. After my girlfriend walked away from my desk that morning I couldn't help but thinking of those boyfriend frogs that I once had.

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The boyfriend who was receiving Match.com notifications and emails while we were together.
The boyfriend who would never go on a coffee date with me because, and I quote: "I just smoke weed every morning to wake up instead of drink coffee."
The boyfriend who only expressed his emotions in songs.
The boyfriend who lived in Iraq/Japan/HI while I lived in ND.
The boyfriend who lived in WA while I lived in CO.
The boyfriend who lived in NM while I lived in CO.
{ what can I say, I was a serial long-distance-dater there for a good 5 years }
The boyfriend who during our breakup alluded to having used the mindset that we had "just been friends" for the past 3 months. Oh, great. What a fun 3 months that had to have been for him.
The boyfriend who had a secret folder of 100+ photos on his computer that 8 years later I still wish I could un-see. Yes. Those kind of photos.
The boyfriend who would have rather smoked weed with his lesbian roommate than hang out with me.
The boyfriend who was a little too close with his mom.
The boyfriend who was a little too mean to his sister.
The boyfriend who wanted to eat Fast Food morning, noon and night.
The boyfriend who cried more than I did.
The boyfriend whose glass of vodka I mistakenly took for a glass of water and took a big swig.
…consequently; The boyfriend who drank way too much.
The boyfriend who would get so caught up in playing video games in his dark apartment all.day.long. and would forget your 6pm dinner date. ON A TUESDAY.
…consequently; The boyfriend who didn't have a job.
The boyfriend who talked in baby talk to his sister.
The boyfriend who had a crush on my roommate at the time and would never set foot in our apartment.
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At the time that many of the above happened, it truly felt like the end of the world. In hindsight, none of them were that big of a deal { except for the computer folder with massive amounts of porn on it. That one really was a big deal. } rather they all just helped my journey along. They helped me gain confidence and perspective in the really ridiculous world of dating. They helped shined light on this handsome man who walked up to me at a Broncos tailgate some 3+ years ago. They helped me realize that Hunter was so very different than any man I had ever dated. They help me appreciate every dinner Hunter cooks for me, every surprise he plans and every way, big or small, that he proves how much he really knows me. They help me cherish every thing he says that sends laughter piercing through my body. They help me relish our many moments of adventure that we share.

So this one is to you, ex-boyfriend frogs. Thank you all for being painfully wrong men so I could find my painfully right man!

It should be noted that each isn't example isn't different person - it's all really just 3'ish men total.