Monday, 27 March 2017

Before I was a mum I spent most of my time shopping, I was a self
confessed shopaholic. But who cared right? I was in my twenties, care free and
enjoying life.

When
I was 27, 3 months after I married my husband I fell pregnant with our now four
year old boy, Rex.

During
my pregnancy I wondered what he would look like, organised all his gorgeous
unworn clothes, planning what he would wear first and dreamt about visiting
friends and cooing over my new born baby whilst on maternity leave.

Boy
o boy was I in for a shock.

On
July 20th 2012 after a very painful three day labour, Rex was born. He was the
most gorgeous thing I had ever seen, and I couldn’t take my eyes off him.

That night whilst he slept I just watched him.
My anxiety levels were so high I couldn’t sleep after the birth. I had already
been awake for three days and I was exhausted from the birth, why was I wide
awake?

This
continued for days after to the point where I was getting hallucinations. I
felt like I’d never sleep again. To add to this I had a problem with my hip and
was readmitted to hospital (with Rex) whilst they tried to identify what was
wrong. After doctors played guessing games I was sent home, still in pain with
no diagnosis. Finally I went to a chiropractor who told me I had damaged the
muscles in my back during the birth causing pressure on a nerve in my hip which
was sending a lightening bolt pain down my leg every time I stood on it. After
a few sessions I was fixed. Thank god!

Shortly
after that Rex was diagnosed with Colic. Very common I know but the
inconsolable crying is something else. For a new mum to try and comfort a baby
that has screamed for five hours solid is a shock to the system. I couldn’t
cope. My husband would come home to find me crying on the kitchen floor because
I felt like a failure. Why was this nothing like I thought it would be? Why
isn’t motherhood like it is in the films?

I’ve
always been hormonal before I had children but my hormones took a big hit
postpartum.

I
eventually let my parents know I wasn’t coping and they came to my rescue. I
felt ashamed and completely incompetent at this point. I hated to admit that I
was failing as a mother.

One
thing I struggled with was the loss of my identity. I didn’t know who I was
anymore, my life had completely changed and I felt so alone, even though
technically I wasn’t.

I
never saw a doctor about how I was feeling as it was only afterwards that I was
able to admit I that I had suffered from post natal depression.

Just
before Rex was one I fell pregnant with our youngest son Mack. I was scared but
feeling much more confident about what motherhood could potentially throw at
me.

One thing we now needed was a bigger house.

We
found a lovely cottage in the next village on from where we were living and
moved in as soon as we could!

I
started to visualise our future in this house as a family of four! I had
something to look forward to… a project.

I
immediately set up Pinterest boards and planning what I wanted to do with the
house. We rent our house so we are slightly limited to what we can do, however
I knew I wanted to make it our own for as long as it was our home.

I’ve
always been interested in interiors but never had the opportunity to do what I
want to do until now.

I
have completely transformed nearly all the rooms and had great fun doing it.

By
making my home my hobby I have found myself again. Not the old me, but a thirty
something, interior obsessed, wife and mum of two boys, me!

I’m
still a shopaholic but with a smaller income. I do a lot of upcycling and room
makeovers, because for me, it’s so important to have an interest along side
being a mother.

Another thing I have discovered a passion for is
photography. I bought my first DLSR camera last year and I use it everyday.

My boys do and always will come first, but I put
a lot of my spare time in to our home, because I enjoy it. My next plan is to
make my hobby my career.

Wish
me luck!

Hayley x

You can follow Hayley over on her popular Instagram page here and on her blog here!

Sunday, 5 March 2017

When I fell pregnant with Harry, I was so naïve. I had worries of course but they were for all the “normal” things, would he have all his limbs, would he even make it all the way to 9 months gestation. I never ever ever considered that my baby would be born without something I consider to be one of the ultimate senses. I could not have guessed in a million years that my son would be born profoundly deaf.

Being told something as significant as that can really shatter a person. We felt broken, I felt broken. I was absolutely and utterly terrified for what Harry’s future would hold. Would he have a fulfilled life, would he struggle at school and the ultimate question for me, would he ever hear me tell him I love him.

I spent an entire 42 weeks growing this little person inside my tummy, talking to him and telling him all of our hopes and dreams and the thought that he didn’t and possibly wouldn’t ever hear any of that split my heart right down the middle.

However, we had to pull ourselves together and focus on our boy wholeheartedly and without fear. We had to make decisions around surgery for Harry that could have put his life at risk, a decision that meant he would either hear or he wouldn’t.

Little did I know that Harry being born without hearing would be one of the most incredible experiences we could have ever endured. It completely shaped our lives as a team of three into something really quite special.

Harry really is like any other three year old lad. He is a boys boy, he’s happiest when surrounded by cars, trucks and dinosaurs. He is confident, loud, stroppy and completely pushes all of the buttons. But he is chatting away more and more every single day and each time he comes out with a new word or phrase my face completely lights up and I couldn’t smile any wider. The feeling of not knowing if my baby would ever hear, to him “blessing” me after I sneeze really is like no other feeling I have ever experienced.

It sounds so cliché but he really does light up something inside of everyone he meets with his charm and his baby blues. I never look at him and feel sad or sorry that he is deaf, or has to wear equipment on his head to be able to hear. I look at him and feel inspired, empowered and most of all insanely proud.