So I know I haven't posted in a while and some of you might want to know what is going on but there isn't much new things. I still love it here and it is a lot of work but I'm not mad. I feel like taking this time to talk about something else and I've thought a lot about whether I should put this on here or not but I came to the conclusion that this is why I made this site and blog so why not.

I want to talk about the chances we miss or don't take, six years ago I came here for the first time and my life changed, since I left I had always wanted to come back, at first I thought I would do it right after I graduated high school and I always wanted to. But life happened and it didn't work out like that and sometimes I wish it had because thing would have been different I think a lot of my friends from that time would have been around more and I might have had the chance to have a different relationship with someone.

Its hard to talk about this and now I find its even hard to type about it, I feel like putting it out there shows how awful of a person I was and it makes things more real. Well anyway, here goes (how fitting the song Love hurts came on my mp3 player just now) six years ago while I was in Germany I met a boy who was really nice and sweet, while I was here we were friends and we got sort of close, according to Sven we had a thing but I never thought of it like that but I guess we sorta did in a way. I think my favorite memory was during the German summer camp we watched a movie in German and he sat in the back with me and translated the movie for me, it was "The Bridge to Terabithia" he was so kind and at the time I was kind of rude, I really did like him but I wanted to seem cool to the other circus kids so I didn't pay as much attention to him as I wanted to. (and know "if i could turn back time" comes on, I think my mp3 player is linked to my mind) I can't say how i really felt at the time I was young I didn't really know what love was and I'm not sure I know now, but I do know one thing I regret not doing what I wanted and worry about what others thought.

Then the following year (5 years ago) he came to Chicago with the German group, I didn't get to see him much then either because I wasn't with the circus much then do to other reasons. I had him over to my house for breakfast one morning and then I was at the hostile their last night to make dinner. Still then, even though I wanted to be next to him I didn't get close but it was for a different reason, not because I wanted to be cool, but because I thought I would never see him again so what would be the point. I said a quick good bye to him and a few others and then left and on my way home that night, it was one of the few times I cried real sad tears. I had just left people I cared about and loved more than anything I had known at that time for what I thought to be the last time.

There are a lot of things in life that I wish I could take back or change but none more then this, I wish that at some point I would have told him how much he meant to me or that I had at least kissed him once. I have always felt terrible for the way I handle that situation, I feel as though I was a complete asshole and he didn't deserve that. And I'm sure a lot of you may think well you can see him now and tell him, but I don't think so, 5 years is a long time and things have changed and.... well I'm not going to go in to all that but I will say we will see what happens because I do see him in a few weeks...........

So Friday I drove to Berlin and then left on Tuesday. What an interesting trip it was. First thing, I have to say I am ashamed that we call the hamburger an American thing seeing as the best burger I have ever eaten was here in Germany, in some little stop off place called Mrs. Peppers (For American Food Lovers was its catch phase). OMG it was huge and all Angus beef and soooooo delicious (A picture will be put up) and I wish I could take all of you there to have one. Then Friday night we went to a show called Flip and it was really cool. Before the show we had an hour to wait and so we went to the super market to get something to drink.Well I saw they had 1 liters of VANILLA coke and it was only 1 Euro so I had to get it and I did. The guys laughed and said "You know you have to finish that in an hour" to which I replied "Would I really be an American if I couldn't drink 1 Liter of soda in an hour?!" Well I am apparently American as I finished it with time to spare but I do have to say my stomach was not pleased, so last time I do that.

Then Saturday I spent all day wondering around the city, I ended up getting a ticket to go up in the tallest building in Berlin (which is shorter than the Hancock building) and then ended up eating in the restaurant that they had up there. The restaurant was cool because it turned around the whole building (there was a sphere at the top where it was along with the viewing deck). It took me a minute to get used to it and I couldn't look at the floor with out getting motion sickness but it was a good time and good food for a decent price.

Then on Sunday I met up with one of my best friends out here and we went to this festival thing and it was a lot of fun. We walked around and I was really hot because I hadn't brought any shorts with me and it was like 90 degrees so I brought this dress and then we were walking more and then they left I went over to the famous structure thingy by their parliament and took pictures and ate food and sat in a park, oh and got hit on, but it wasn't by a native.

Then Monday was the big day, the whole reason I went to Berlin, it was concert day, Aerosmith concert day! For those of you who don't know Aerosmith is my favorite band and Joe Perry is one of my celebrity crushes and I dislike my mom for the number of times she has got to see them and I thought I would never catch up to her. Well HAHAHA I gained one. But anyway before I went I went on an adventure to see the part of the Berlin wall that was still standing. I don't know if people really understand what that represents, I'm not sure I do, but for me I think its interesting. This structure was built by the government to separate the people and areas and the people hated it. I loved the graffiti to, I don't know why but this one part that said "Save the Planet" really hit me. Then it was time for the concert!!!

It was awesome, Aerosmith always brings it! I have to say though I DO NOT CARE the next time I see them I AM GETTING FLOOR TICKETS! The crowd in the upper balcony was SO lame, I was able to sit the whole concert because they were not standing in my way. The people on the floor by the stage were as out going as the people in the seats normally are in the US, man I don't know if it is the culture or what but these people where so reserved. But overall it was an amazing time and Steven Tyler ended with one of my most favorite lines "BERLIN!! Remember the light at the end of the tunnel may be you! Good Night!"

Then the next day I went home. Overall it was a really good time, and I had a lot of fun. It was an interesting thing to realize to, on Monday morning I got a little home sick, but I realized it wasn't really Chicago home sick it was Rappenhof home sick. And I know some of you may be like, "You've only been there for two weeks how can you call that home" or whatever but I say that isn't true, I've been here for much longer, I first set step on this land 6 years ago and for those three weeks I fell in love with the place, the people, everything. And even though its not the city I feel a sense of belonging. I know what I need to do, I know what is expected of me, I know where I belong here (for the most part the language is still a little barrier but I'm working on it). Who knows what the next 14 months will bring but I can say right now I don't want to be anywhere else.

So today I spent about 6 hours in the trees. I'm not joking either, they have this thing called the rope garden, that is like 30 feet in the air maybe more, and I was up in it for SIX hours. I will post up pictures maybe next week when I take them. But we had a class that had picked the rope garden and they had like 40 or so kids and we had to get them all up and through it. Me and Sven were the only ones up there for the whole time and I had the hardest job, probably because I'm the newbie. But I got the job of helping all the kids up. They have a choice between two ladders and then they connect their harnesses to a rope that I get to pull and such so they can come up and if they fall or whatever they don't go to the ground. So I had 6 hours of hoisting kids, but it is ok because in the end I had fun.

I got to go through the rope garden! I mean this thing goes from easy to hard, you start with an easy bridge to cross and end with a zigzag skinny log bridge thing. Now I have to explain that at one point it breaks off in two paths, where you can do an easy one thing or a hard three things. And this being my first time and me being me I choose the three hard things. Now to be honest the first two were not that hard. It was a tight rope, and then a swing across. But it was the third one that was hard and I did not get what I was suppose to do, so I fell, now mind you I only fell maybe about a meter, because of the harness and such. So what it was, was a tire tied to a rope and the a rope with a knot, and then a tire and then a rope and then a tire. And I guess you had to get both feet on top of the tire and them get them in the loop on the rope and so forth, I'm not really sure and I missed watching what I was suppose to do because I was looking somewhere else, so you know. So I fell and then I couldn't get back up, so I had to swing a little so I could grab the rope and pull myself over the cord my harness was on to get to the other side. Oh it was FUNNY! and then the rest of the course was pretty ok. They had a rope X that I also had a bit of trouble getting over and they were just like "What are you doing?!" And I was like I don't really know lol. But I made it through it all with only falling that one time so I was happy, and it was fun!

So it hasn't been exactly a week but close to it. I have had some adventures in the past couple of days, I had another day of putting up tents, then I started on my regular daily routine basically.

So to rap up the tent pitching, I have this to say, its interesting how that works. How if one person slacks off it makes it harder for the rest and how working together we got almost all of the tents up in about 3-4 days. I do have to say I was kind of surprised that I was stronger then most of the other girls helping out, I thought that was weird but hey, I lifted more by myself then most of them did and I felt I had better endurance. But I think that is because I am a competitive person and I didn't want to be shown up. I wanted to prove that even though I am from the city and what not I can do just as much if not more then them. And I feel like I did prove my self, not that I had to but I did. But all in all it was a good time and towards the end all of the Germans were warming up to me. It was actually funny I was talking with one of them and I made a joke (like I usually do) about how awesome I am and he was like I know you are, and was totally serious about it, and then I was like what?! No, not actually. lol but its cool to know some of them think I'm awesome because later when we were saying good bye one of them told me to stay awesome.

So then Monday I started my regular routine, and I felt like I was in "Green Acres" a city girl moving out to the farm life. I started my day with feeding the animals and then you know what I got to do......clean out a pen! I got to do the goose pen, and can I tell you how much I had no idea what I was doing! Apparently I did an alright job, or so I was told. But yeah I felt so out of place that day, but now I am getting more accustom to it, this morning I even took care of feeding the female alpacas by myself, and every morning I usually walk the geese to their out door pen and the pigs too. I call it the daily pig run because they have quite a bit to go and the pigs always run!

So I have gotten use to the smell of the barn, and I am getting use to not staying so clean. Like you think it is hard to stay clean in the city, pft that's easy, but here I'm touching animals and cleaning barns and such that by the end of the day I'm just like ugh. But like the people who lived here and grew up here I am getting used to it. So much for keeping my nails nice while I'm here lol. Oh well I'm not sure why I expected anything different I knew what I was getting in to and I can defiantly say I am happy here. I think about where I am at now and at this moment I am so happy I have another 14 months to look forward to because I am happy and there is no other place I would rather be.