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Friday, March 18, 2016

Calvin Harris is in ridiculously good shape. Such good shape, actually, that he's currently the face (or abdomen, depending on how you look at it) of Emporio Armani Underwear. It's a shame you wouldn't be able to tell that from the comically oversized swimming trunks he's been sharing on Instagram this week.

The Scottish DJ is currently on vacation with girlfriend, fellow musician, and former GQ cover girl Taylor Swift, celebrating their one-year anniversary on an undisclosed beach. What they're doing there, beyond flooding their respective social-media streams with photos of each other's toned bodies, we're not sure. But what we are sure of is that while Swift has spent a lot of the vacation in a belly button–baring bikini, Harris has donned a pair of red swimming trunks that look like they're cut for a man with much bigger thighs. And a bigger waist. And who's maybe a foot taller than the already 6'6" DJ. It's really the first thing we see (sorry, Taylor) in a lot of the images, in part because of the distracting color and...because they are really big.

These are swim trunks that not only obscure Harris's hard work at the gym, but defeat the entire purpose of posting a braggy shirtless picture in the first place: Who has time to ponder how much you can bench when they're focused on your misguided board-shorts selection?

The encouraging thing is that Harris brought another pair of shorts that actually does fit him, so he's sort of teaching a master class in what to do and what not to do. If you're hitting the beach anytime soon, take this page from the Harris playbook: Select a pair of trunks that hits above your knee and features a slim cut through the thigh.Watch the video here