Tag Archives: FANFICTION

I took a stab at adapting/reimagining the Fred Wolf TMNT episode “The Gang’s All Here”, replacing most if not all of the original dialogue, addressing a few plot holes, and adding in an original romantic subplot

Louise was once taught in class that nobody ever opened a sentence with “Dammit”.

Within life’s many dramas, that expression had to be earned by whatever form of consequence occured to warrant it.

She was hanging upside down on the swing when she spotted the cause of potential problems headed her way, and she felt like now was one of those instances where the exclamation was deserving.

“Hey Louise” said Rudy.

“Oh hey there Rudy. Keeping things regular?” Louise asked, refusing to change her posistion, even if the blood was steadily rushing all the way to her face. She’d hoped he’d spot the red in her face and assume she was in a prickly mood and walk away.

He did’nt budge.

“Nothing out of the ordinary. Seems that sums up all of the last year” he said sollemly.

“Oh I’m sure it’ll pick up soon” Louise replied.

“I heard you had a belter of a valentine’s night out. Everyone’s talking about what Tina and your driver did to Jimmy Junior. You’d had a make-up job too, like you’d exorcised the demon right out from under the nose of the Balor club” Rudy continuecd.

Louise twiddled her fingers mischevously and let out a cackle.

“The sisterhood were quite bewitching that night” she said with some pride in her voice, this seemed to cheer Rudy up.

Louise could feel her tension dissapating, which caused her slight concern as well as relief. She realized her next question would dictate the mood of the conversation. She was fearful it would lead to ackwardness and tension, but she felt compelled to ask anyway.

“How was your valentine?” she said.

“Oh” Rudy replied, looking up at the sky, curious to see if it’d start raining once he began to vent.

“No luck on the kissing or dating front this year” he said.

Louise sighed and straightened herself up on the swing. She urged Rudy to come sit beside her on the opposite swing.

“C’mere you” she said.

Rudy sat down and looked quite down. Louise wanted to slap herself for noticing how sad he was, but she knew the time had come to talk.

It’d been a year since the kiss.

“How far away are you?” she asked.

“Glad you noticed how distant I’ve been lately. I’m not out of reach, I’m just out of options”

“Don’t say that, you’re closer than you think” Louise replied.

“In what way?” Rudy asked.

“Look, I told my Mom a big fat lie about our school play, how it was a western, and that you were the Sheriff and me your partner, and I built you up as a real brave character, someone I’d take a bullet for”

“You’ve been thinking about me in commendable ways? I thought the only way I mattered after our kiss was with my head on a MOST WANTED list”

“Oh you make that list alright, just in a different way” Louise joked.

“I can taste it you know, that raw slap you gave me. It was like Iron” Rudy replied.

“I bruise easy don’t I?” Louise continued.

Rudy looked at her sternly.

“Other people, yes” he continued

“Well you backed me into a corner that day…I did’nt want to just reveal how I felt, in case you…you know…”

“Became insistent? Don’t worry Louise, I respect how you are about the mushy stuff. You have no time for it” said Rudy in a defeatist tone.

Louise clutched his hand tightly.

“You never know…we all get a little older, and a little crazier, with each passing year. You’re right, I don’t have the time, but you can give me a little more time y’know?”

“There’s always valentines next year I guess” Rudy said.

“Just make sure you keep one thing in mind, while not every guy happens to be Jimmy Junior, you know what happens to those who are, so you be on your best behavior” Lousie replied, giving Rudy a fierce elbow.

“Wow, you do bruise easily” said Rudy, rubbing his right shoulder tensely.

He knew it had been on the horizon for a while, the moment he saw his TARDIS join in with the others in co-ordinating the preservation of Gallifrey at the very edge of the time war.

The Eleventh Hour was winding down, however would he break this to Clara?

He would’nt, he would just break, and she would break with him, unless she was fully prepared.

It’s a silly notion he thought, she’s already seen all of me, all of my faces

He wondered if she would continue to see him. See through him, see all of him, the way he ought to be.

He felt this time that everything would hinge on her being able to know who he was, he was a good man, but how good could she be when faced with the reality of change?

That was the challenge facing him and her. Her bravery would be tested like never before. It would be a most trying Christmas for her, adjusting to the shock of the new, coming to terms with the loss of someone he knew she cared deeply about, and taking in the fresh coat of paint.

The truth field around Trenzalore compelled him to come clean about the consequences of regeneration, how the process can startle even the most well prepared individual, and how it can be the making of that person if they can adapt.

He knew Clara could adapt, he felt it, just as he felt everything come apart, he knew in his ancient bones that the Impossible Girl could make all things possible.

He would die, he would change, and if he were to live again, it had to be through her eyes. He had to be taught through her eyes.

He pondered aloud if he had chosen Clara knowing sub-consciouslly her career would take her into teaching.

He stared up at the burning belltower, he looked on at the wreckage of the Dalek mothership, he smiled, he could hear hyms being performed inside the church, the music tinged with a compelling sadness.

It made sense, he had caused a lot of damage with his regenerative energy in a bid to save the town of Christmas.

A part of him wondered if he was truly finished with Trenzalore as he picked up the TARDIS phone and dialed Clara’s number. He wondered if he had contributed to massive paradox by averting his fate here, or if the planet was always waiting for him in his twilight age, whenever that would be, however that would come.

Nothing can prepare you for death, so his mind was concentrated on preparing himself, and Clara, to live.

“I’m glad you agree narrator” said DM as he and Penfold made their way back to headquarters, having saved the world from the grip of the cretinous Crumhorn and a mind-controlling device that made even myself turn against the world’s greatest secret agent and ridicule him, but he managed to overcome all obstacles after leading a team consisting of members of his reviled rogues gallery, whom he’s left up on Crumhorn’s space station dueling with one another over who should take the credit for the heroic deeds Danger Mouse has pulled off.

“He even wanted me to call him Crummy” Squawkencluck said in a fit of emotional release, taking the container of darts and tossing them to the floor.

Penfold walked over to her and gave us a reassuring pat on the shoulder.

“Nevermind Professor”

“That’s precisely what I was Penfold, I was never in the right mind because of that device, and I turned against you and everything I worked hard to secure. To think the episode ended without any of us being recalled in the casting sheet to say sorry to you and Danger Mouse and to reward him for single handidly saving the Earth”

“You seem awfully complimentary Professor” said Danger Mouse.

“I just felt the sudden urge to” said Squawkencluck.

“Really now?” Penfold said, folding his arms and huffing.

Colonel K’s hologram lit up and he urged Danger Mouse to come to his office for a special reward. Penfold opted to stay with Squawkencluck.

“Go ahead Chief, the Professor’s in a real state, it’s best she lean on a friend’s shoulder”

Squawkencluck promptly accepted the invitation and buried her head atop the right shoulder, her frustrations over being emotionally compromised moisting the sleeves of his right arm. Penfold’s lip quivered and he too felt the urge to emote.

Danger Mouse, courageous and confident, steeled himself for his encounter with the Colnel.

“I have to admit, you really are being quite courteous to me today”

“Well you single handily saved the day Danger Mouse”

“I know, I feel like I ought to thank people for making that all possible, my enemies, my assistant, my writers, the CBBC staff who introduce my show every week..but I feel the sudden urge to bypass all of that. Anyway, time to get what’s coming to me”

He entered the Colnel’s office, the door slammed shut behind him, and greeting him was every Danger Agent armed to the gritted teeth with clubs and mallets.

“Colnel, are you still under Crumhorn’s mind control?” asked an alert DM.

“I think you’ll find this entire office is now immune to brainwave tampering DM…but it’s not so safe for you” the Colonel assured him.

A monitor in the office came to life and the Professor and Penfold, seated comfortably in their seats munching down on a bag of popcorn, greeted him.

“I’ve been tracking the readings of the mind altering device since it went offline, small vestiges of it are still active, and they’re responding to commands from you” Squawkencluck revealed.

“You used the psychic bran scrambler to get everyone to lavish praise on you. For some reason, I wasn’t affected, but the narrator and Squawk were…luckily, Squawk realized what was going on and alerted the Colonel just before you arrived” said Penfold.

“All this time we thought you were the great and powerful…we never took into consideration that we were puppets on a string, made to the dance to the merry tune of the mouse behind the curtain” said the Colonel.

“You’ll get your thanks for saving the world in due course Danger Mouse, but we do need to teach you that fine lesson, that you must leave your ego at the door” said Danger Moth with a hint of dread and empathy in her voice.

“But, but I did’nt do anything, I felt the urge as much as you did to take all the credit for myself…I had nothing to do with it”

“Then who did?” asked Danger Moth.

“Someone who clearly wants my fame to be my misfortune…and there’s only one person I can think of who’s obsesed with fame. Duckula”

DM led the Danger Agents out of Mayfare and, pitchforks and rotten tomatoes in hand (the critics of Rotten Tomatoes, not actual rotten tomatoes), they stormed Castle Duckula in Transylevania.

Witnessing the Danger Agency arriving at his doorstep, Count Duckula severed the connection he had with the mind control device, swung his throne around and leapt out of it, heading to a secret passage. He instructed someone in a scarlet coat to see their way out.

“Go, your neck’s on the line here, and not from a dose of my feindish fangs, if they catch you here, your reputation’s sunk like the Titanic…sorry I could’nt give DM the razzie he deserved for embarrasing you”

The cloaked figure held the Count’s hand and gave him a tender kiss on the cheek, before vanishing through the door and down the long corridor.

As the Danger Agents crashed through the door with a battering ram, the cloacked figure made it outside just as a raging commotion commenced in the castle. The figure pulled the hood back, revealing the sollem features of Jeoparday Mouse, watching the castle eagerly ..before common sense dictated that she get a move on.

All she wanted was to gain revenge on Danger Mouse for editing her portion of reality in a previous episode, framing her for embarrassing her superior officer. Duckula already had an existing soft spot for her, she felt he would make the appropriate ally.

She walked from the scene with many thoughts playing through her head, how she had refused to keep her own ego in check in an attempt to make DM’s occasional ego trips his undoing, how she sided with a known felon because he would rather place his life in hers.

She knew she had made many compromises, played with many lives, and she resolved that in future missions she would never make such mistakes again, least it poisoned her soul.

She vowed there would be no further lives put at risk of ruin within her own.

So we end this session of Danger Mouse back in the lab, with the Professor and Penfold watching the scuffle in the castle, taking handfuls of popcorn out of the bag, settling in and admiring the spectacle of a comfort fight with comfort foods.

Can I have one?

“No narrator” said Squawk

But I suddenly have an urge to eat

“Oh for heaven’s sake, has that device not been switched off yet?” said an annoyed Squawkencluck.

Curse you Jeopardy.

“Why are you cursing her? She wasn’t even in this episode” said Penfold.

It’s going to take a lot of juice in the unit, but I think we can manage an episode this week…no thanks to you.

“Relax Narrator, all I did was abort one time line. The anomalies from every aspect of the aborted dimension will ultimately merge as one to cope with the existing paradox”?”

If realiy can manage that before our scheduled transmission this evening DM, it would be appreciated DM.

“Right, well Penfold, any ideas on how to speed up the process ?”

“I’ve had time to think a bit cheif…I’ve got so many questions” said Penfold.

“That’s all well and good Penfold, but we need answers”

“But these are important to our futures, that is, if we still have any”

“Oh I’m sure we’ll have plenty of time” DM assured him

“And what time do you call this?” Penfold said in a huff.

“The end times?” DM replied.

“Exactly. It’s the end. Nothing but static and a white void…and all because you had to open your big mouth and inform reality what a muddle we’d gotten the timeline mixed up in..we live in a very sensetive universe Cheif. I hope you know that, you never know what kind of mood it’ll be in. I’m certain even it was enjoying Derick and Pennyfold’s wedding”

“Is that what your questions Penfold, some curiosity over whether or not the universe has some existential emotional compromise?”

“We watch soap operas for a reason, we’re invested in stories for a reason…it just makes sense for the universe, our motherly spirit, to be just as invested in how we move along” Penfold argued.

“So why would the universe even give me the freedom to express a bit of logic that would undo it’s investment?” a confused DM asked.

“Maybe it wanted to test your character…to see if you could keep that ego and insistence on having a correct hunch in check long enough for someone to live happily ever after”

“Surely that would be the universe giving itself permission to live a perfect lie then…I can’t see how the truth should hurt it so much” DM continued.

“Think of it like a computer with a virus, only the virus is the question, the same one that causes so many of us to go, on a bad day, ‘what’s the point?’, and constantly dwelling on that question leads to no easy answer…so we crash…and in this case, we’re lucky it didn’t result in the heat death of the universe” Penfold replied.

“Well, now I feel deflated…I guess the universe probably wants me to write it a frank and formal letter of apology before it resets”

“Will you even remember giving it the letter Cheif?” Penfold asked.

“I suppose a small part of me would…but that would probably only linger for a short time. Our will, though strong, can’t defy time”

Penfold felt a tingling sensation.

“I think reality’s starting to reallign, I can see everything forming around us”

“Well then, any further questions?” DM asked.

“Just one more, if Derick’s wedding did’nt happen now, will he and Pennyfold ever meet? Will they even be born?” Penfold asked.

“That’s a whole world and time apart from us Penfold, the important thing is, we just have to hope the universe is willing to give the grand soap opera called life another chance to thrive…nothing’s worse than a rerun”

Reassured, the pair allowed reality to realign, just in time for another mind-bending adventure on the edge of existence with Danger Mouse!

Duckula sat in his cell wondering if any of the prison officers would bother fetching him his clothes to wear. He’d been in nothing but his pajamas for hours.

The door to his cell opened and, it appeared, salvation had come at last, as his cape was thrown at ludicrous speed towads him, smacking him in the face and settling on his beak.

Still heavily tied up, Duckula could’nt reach up to his features and pull the cape off, he was forced to let whoever was coming into the cell commence with the deed.

Soon, that too came to pass and the cape was removed from the tip of his beak by his visitor…and what a sight it was to see.

Jeoparday Mouse.

“You look dangerous gorgeous” said Duckula as he beamed at the sight of her.

“All I want is answers to a question or two Duck, just routine…although routine is not how I’d describe the last few hours I’ve had”

“I’m all ears…well, and fangs” said Duckula.

“One minute, I’m being awarded the medal for best Danger Agent in the whoe world, the next I’m smacking my superioer officer on the bottom with a tennis racket. I don’t even remember how it got there. All I know is the incident embarrased me and I wound up detained for hours, I almost lost my posistion until word came back from the reports filed by Danger Mouse’s plump pal that I’d endured some last minute rewrite of reality”

“So your thoughts, as always, turned to me did they?” said Duckula.

“I know you’re rewritten scripts on this show before Duck, so I want to know exactly what you were up to at Big Ben, and who put you up to tampering with my matters in the morning?” Jeopardy asked.

“Now, now Jeoparday, I would’nt have dreamed of messing with your moment. That was all Danger Mouse’s idea. According to Penfold, I was getting ready to mess with reality using my new temporal editing software, and I had framed him for a string of felonies which brought you out into the field to arrest him. You and the Danger Agency beat him fairly soundly and led him away to jail, making you the hero”

“You edited reality just to make me look good?” said Jeoparday, trying to disguise how flattered she actually was.

“Not just you, but also open up a slot for me to take DM’s place as Danger Duck, the world’s most star-struck secret agent. Just imagine what you and I could have acheived together with Danger Mouse out of the picture and you and I crossing over each and every week…why I’d even have understood your need for company at Thanksgiving earlier in the week”

“Yeah, well if Danger Mouse was meddling with me this morning, I know just who I won’t be inviting over in the future. Some friend he turned out to be. He’s proven to be a timely jerk”

“Well, the biggest thing you bruised other than his body was his ego…sometimes that’s hard to shake” said Duckula.

“So, I really whipped Danger Mouse into shape did I?” said Jeoparday.

“Is that a routine question, or one that’s seeking a complimentary answer?” said Duckula.

“I could do with some soothing after my ego’s own bruising” said Jeoparday.

“Well if anything, take comfort in the fact that there’s a version of reality on the cutting room floor which proves how vastly suprior you are to Danger Mouse when you’re forced to step up and kick tail”

“It’s funny, but I don’t think DM even has a tail” said Jeoparday, making sure to attach Duckula’s cape to his back as a way of thanking him for supplying the information.

“Any chance you could get the rest of my clothes sent to me?” he asked.

“I’ll arrange it” Jeopardy promised.

“It’s a real pity Penfold had to ruin what fun I could have had with that device” lamented Duckula . Imagine if I could edit the entire CBBC morning schedule? Maybe I could even place your big defining moment that DM deleted on their upcoming weekend show and place it on loop”

“I think we’ve had enough repeat offenders for one day” joked Jeopardy, blowing a kiss to Duckula and waltzing out of the room.

Penfold marched back into Mayfair H.Q well and truly burnt from the whole dating experience, and flying too close to a setting sun.

Oh wait, that was Danger Mouse’s fault.

He put his feet up on the couch just as Professor Squawkwencluck followed him into the lounge area.

“Come on, tell me how it went” she said, offering Penfold a parcel.

Penfold opened it, and beamed at the contents

“It’s make-up Ice Cream” she explained, “I was going to share these with Danger Mouse after we had our falling out over how best to give you advice on dating, but since you’re the one who got the girl I figured you were more in need of celebrating with it”

“Thanks Professor, but I don’t think me and Scarlett are going to work out” Penfold replied.

“She seems to flip flop on things…she says she does’nt want me to be defined by heroics, yet then she got addicted to the dangers me and the Cheif got up to when confronting my evil twin. She boasted about saving the universe, no humble pie in the pit of her stomach at all…and then insisted we set about doing more heroics”

“An action starlet is always going to want a piece of the action” Squawkencluck replied, “The important thing you can do is ground her expectations a little, if not a lot..by engaging in little home comforts. Take some of this ice cream to her and she’ll cream at the sight of it”