April 7, 2014

G for Guilt trips!!!

As humans we often tend to feel
guilty for things that we have done or sometimes for things that we haven’t
done but think we should have done. If you are a sensitive person like me, you tend
to feel guilty for many things that you are not responsible for as well.

As a person, I grew from feeling
guilty all the time to sometimes. I learned to believe that you are not
responsible for everything. Everyone in your life could make you feel guilty.
Yes, when I say everyone means literally everyone. Directly or indirectly. It all depends on how you take it.

When you are young, your parents make you feel guilty by saying, “Look at Kalpana. She is so hard working.
She never watches T.V. You are always glued to that”

Older siblings could make you guilty
by showcasing how clumsy you are. Trust me, they don’t tell you how to be neat.

Your dad would say, “See that Sukumar
was boasting about his kids in the office. His son is the badminton champion
and his daughter won the Math Olympiad this year also.” (That fellow can't hit two marbles and his silly sister cannot put the dots straight for a rangoli! I curse in my head) And adds a tag line,
you guys are fit for nothing.

When you are grown up, mom nags. “When
will you get married? No prince charming is going to come looking for you. Look
at Geeta, she already has two kids”. Bloody hell with Geeta, the whole purpose of life for her is to get married and have kids.

For the heck of it, you
get married and a new kind of nagging begins. The reasons your in-laws make you
feel guilty about, that deserves a post in itself.

S comes home and... “Look at Srilatha’s house. You should train
from her”. Darn it! She has OCD! Honey, I am not cut out for that crap.

How a wife can make a husband guilty: (Not me though ;-). "See, Neelima got a Tahitian Pearl set as her birthday gift. You never buy me anything". Husband thinks to himself, "You fool...her husband takes her $10k paycheck and gifts a $1000 gift once a year.

Then your kids. Despite
working full time, cooking every day, picking and dropping to classes, sonny
boy goes, “You never come to field trips”. Give him a piece of your mind, “I do
everything from baking to fundraising. Now, will you please excuse me? I have a
full time job”.

Daughter’s turn. “Maya
has a very good hair style. You never comb my hair properly”. If you utter one
more word, I am going to chop off that hair.

Super moms say, “Oh!! I can
never leave my kids. Isn't that how mommy’s boys are made?”

Colleague: I heard they Brian is getting the 'Employee of the Quarter' this time.

Moral of the story: Don’t
feel guilty. Stop taking guilt trips. They will only pull you down. There is only so much you can do. Don't stretch beyond what you can and try to be a superhero :-)

Wonderful post. Most of my guilt is self-inflicted as a writer. I really should be paying attention to my children instead of using these brief moments to write something that brings me pleasure. Then I never get any writing done, and end up frustrated and overwhelmed.

AGREED! While it's still difficult to let go of what I have no control over, this is a very important message to continue to work with. In my faith, we say "I confess to almighty God and to you my brothers and sisters, that I have greatly sinned, in my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done and in what I have failed to do. It's the omission of guilt that I think is a really important and overlooked aspect when considering the ramifications. Thanks for keeping it at the forefront!