Study: Chattanooga is most gullible city in nation

A study recently published in the American Journal of Psychology concluded that Chattanooga was the most gullible city in the nation.

The study was conducted over five years with over 9000 adult participants who resided in cities with populations of 100,000 or greater, with the cooperation of 35 colleges and universities, and it involved having the participants reading completely fictional news articles on websites and asking them if they believed that they were factual or not.

“We took the craziest conspiracy theories, the most ridiculous home remedies with absolutely no scientific basis, and also invented some of the most outrageously false political claims for this study,” said lead researcher Dr. Sandra Appleton. “And for some reason, Chattanoogans believed them all.”

“Apparently, if you put some statistics in an article, make the article’s syntax sound somewhat professional, and throw it up on a website, then people from Chattanooga will swear on their mothers’ graves that it’s true,” said Appleton.

“Celine Dion invented crack cocaine, Sriracha sauce enemas can cure prostate cancer, Vladimir Putin had a tail that was surgically removed ten years ago,” said Appleton. “At one point, we just pointed them to a ‘Chuck Norris facts’ website, and they still believed it all.”

“The interesting thing is, it didn’t matter if the participant was rich or poor, conservative or liberal, white or a person of color – everyone from Chattanooga was pretty gullible,” said Appleton. “Also, all Chattanooga participants were willing to sign a petition to have the word ‘gullible’ put into dictionaries.”

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Francis Porkloin is a reporter for today, for you, for me, for us, for our children, for our children's children, and for our children's children's grandparents - which is us, again. Francis Porkloin is devoted to giving a voice to all people, including those who do not have mouths or have had them wired shut and can only make incomprehensible "Mmmrph! Mmmrph!" sounds. Francis Porkloin is committed to delivering the unbiased truth and telling the stories that others have no interest in telling - and that the public has no interest in hearing. Francis Porkloin is a Sagittarius.

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