‘Ll where in the world my eyes has bin–Ef I hain’t missed that train ag’in!Chuff! And whistle! And toot! And ring!But blast and blister the dasted train–!How it does it I can’t explain!Git here thirty-five minutes beforeThe durn things due–! And, drat the thingIt’ll manage to git past-shore!

The more I travel around, the moreI got no sense–! To stand right hereAnd let it beat me! ‘Ll ding my melts!I got no gumption, ner nothin’ else!Ticket Agent’s a dad-burned bore–!Sell you a tickets all they keer–!Ticket Agents ort to all be

Prosecuted– and that’s jes what–!How’d I know which train’s fer me?And how’d I know which train was not–?Goern and comin’ and gone astray,And backin’ and switchin’ ever’-which-way!

Ef I could jes sneak round behindMyse’f, where I could git full swing,I’d lift my coat, and kick, by jing!Till I jes got jerked up and fined–!Fer here I stood, as a durn fool’s aptTo, and let that train jes chuff and chooRight apast me– and mouth jes gappedLike a blamed old sandwitch warped in two!