In the beginning my English teacher created nouns and verbs.And the verbs were without form and voice; and darkness was upon the face of the deep -- my teacher.

And she said, "Let there be grammar;" and there was grammar."

In keeping with the Biblical Humor theme I would like to share these observations on college life with you from http://www.beliefnet.com/dailyjoke/dailyjoke.aspx?QID=6886 used with permission."If College Students Wrote The Bible1. The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning -- cold. 2. The Ten Commandments would actually be only five -- double-spaced and written in a large font. 3. A new edition would be published every two years in order to limit reselling. 4. Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't cafeteria food.5. Paul's letter to the Romans would become Paul's email to abuse@romans.gov.6. Reason Cain killed Abel: they were roommates. 7. Reason why Moses and followers walked in the desert for 40 years: they didn't want to ask directions and look like freshmen. 8. Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, he would have put it off until the night before to get it done."Life's like that in college:To 1: Poor overworked college students, their course load so heavy that they end up subsiting on cold pizza for breakfast. Every professor thinks his class is the only class that the student must prepare for. 40 pages of readings for each of 5 classes, let's see that adds up to 200 pages of reading a day on the days when you don;t have labs and can fit homework into your off-campus work schedule. The boss notices that you're bleary eyed for lack of sleep, and promptly asks you if you can cover for a coworker who didn't show up.

To 2: Lack of time and overload of assignments causes the student to be creative on the traditional 10 page research paper, which is worth 50% of your grade. Fortunately, technology has come to the rescue of underprepared, under-researched (yes, I made that word up) term paper. The desparate student quickly learns to stretch his paper by using a large font, wide margins, and double or tripple spacing. We've all been tempted to do it--don't be on their case.

To 3: Although it may seem like it, this is really not the case. The new editions appear as knowledge expands and is up dated.

To 4: To be fair, cafeteria food has vastly improved over the fare that was served up until recently. Fresh fruits, salads, muffins, hoagies, soups compliment the dreary menus from the past.

To 5: Isn't it the truth. E-mail has become paramount in college life both socially and intellectually. Online collaboration is the norm nowadays instead of the exception to the rule what with collaborative group projects mandated in every class. There are not enough hours in the day to meet with everyone in the traditional way. The only way these projects can be completed is to have one planning session in which the work is parceled out, and everyone is responsible to reserch his part and report back to the group manager. The students work asynchronously and e-mail their peers and the coordinator their part of the presentation. The coordinator assembles all of the parts into a merged whole and delegates a script to the group members to use for the in class presentation. Usually the coordiator ends up doing most of the work of at least one student who didn't have time to do his part. But that's life, and she has to do it because her grade depends on the grade given to the group presentation. I know some people who never did any research, but they were great hams, presenters with dynamic personalities, so they always got chosen to basically just read a powerpoint presentation what everyone else had prepared.

To 6: In Freshman year on some campuses it is mandatory to live on campus in dorms. Depending on the chemistry with your roommate, you may feel like killing either him or yourself. Fortuneately, the rule has been relaxed at many prestigious schools. This has probably contributed to a decrease in college drop outs.

To 7: I think 7 speaks to peer pressure and the pressure to be thought of as cool. There are a lot of sharks on campus who prey on the self-esteem of the emotionally challenged student. There is a trememdous pressure to get the best grades and earn the highest standing in one's class. The competiton can be deadly. So no one wants to let down their guard or show their ignorance. Ask for help? No way, they would rather wander 40 hours on campus, lost.

To 8: So true, so true. Pull an all nighter the day before the assignment, project, paper, presentation, exam is due. And why not? Then everything is still fresh in your short term memory, where you are able to retain it until you have passed the test or given the presentation. Unfortunately you will have to relearn the night before finals because it doesn't stick. It slips through the mind after the exam just like through a sieve, if all you've been able to do is cram.

3. The way the colors are placed side by side, next to each other, reminds me of a dance.

4. Blue at the top and blue at the bottom and blue in the middle unite the composition for the eye.

5. Interspersing yellows throughout the image brings a light quality to it.

6. The nearly pastel purple, set prominently in the center, catches the eye due to its placement under the dark gray patch, and beside the light gray square.

7. The curves placed toward the bottom of the quilt lend to it a feeling of movement, as if it were blowing in the wind, like a flag.

8. Beyond this, the various patterns of the squares among the solids give the quilt a feeling of textures.

9. Quilts are heirlooms in families passed down from one generation to the other.

10. Traditionally, when a young woman in rural America reached the age of maturity at which she would begin courting in earnest, the women in her community came together to throw a quilting party for her.

11. They would sit around the quilting loom (I am not sure if that is the technical term for it) and piece together the squares they had designed for the young woman who would soon be "on the market" so to speak according to their custom.

12. Each square told the story that lie behind it and inspired the seamstress. The squares were lovingly designed as a remembrance of the friendship that the creator has with the soon to be dating young woman being honored by the quilting party.

13. When I first saw this quilt of Ewerton's, it reminded me of the many colored coat, a song by Dolly Parton.

14. She tells us that one winter her family, living in poverty , could not aford to provide her with a coat.

15. Her mother had only some rags donated by a neighbor to sew together like a quilt in order to make material for the coat.

16. The finished product was a colorful patchwork that reminded Dolly of the many colored coat of Joseph in the Old Testament.

17. Dolly thought the coat was wonderful because every stitch had been sown in love by her mother for her.

18. But when she went to school with holes in her shoes, wearing britches (pants) with patches and a coat made from rags, her schoolmates tried to humiliate her and make her feel ashamed of her poverty.

19. But Dolly did not understand why her peers could not share in her belief that she was not poor at all. She was really rich because of all the love in her life.

10. Traditionally, when a young woman ___ rural America reached the age ___ maturity ___ which she would begin courting ___ earnest, the women ___ her community came together to throw a quilting party ___ her.

11. They would sit ___ the quilting loom (I am not sure if that is the technical term ___ it) and piece together the squares they had designed ___ the young woman who would soon be "___ the market" so to speak according to their custom.

12. Each square told the story that lie ___ it and inspired the seamstress. The squares were lovingly designed as a remembrance of the friendship that the creator has ___ the soon to be dating young woman being honored ___ the quilting party.

13. When I first saw this quilt ___ Ewerton's, it reminded me ___ the many colored coat, a song by Dolly Parton.

14. She tells us that one winter her family, living ___ poverty , could not aford to provide her ___ a coat.

15. Her mother had only some rags donated ___ a neighbor to sew together like a quilt ___ order to make material___ the coat.

16. The finished product was a colorful patchwork that reminded Dolly ___ the many colored coat of Joseph in the Old Testament.

17. Dolly thought the coat was wonderful because every stitch had been sown ___ love by her mother for her.

18. But when she went to school ___ holes ___ her shoes, wearing britches (pants) ___ patches and a coat made ___ rags, her schoolmates tried to humiliate her and make her feel ashamed ___ her poverty.

19. But Dolly did not understand why her peers could not share ___ her belief that she was not poor ___ all. She was really rich because ___ all the love ___ her life.

1. Recently Josney and Ron have been discussing the question ___ why flamingos stand ___ one leg. I have been following the discussion ___ interest.

2. They discovered that the birds can raise (hold ___) one leg underneath and ___ their body for up to four hours.

3. I wondered ___ that. I wondered whether they eat ___ every four hours. I went to Ewerton's website www.myvox.com.br, which has a clock ___ the pronunciation ___the time, to find out how to say 1:00 and 5:00.

4. ___ Ron, one reason for tucking the leg ___ their body is to stay warm, like when we are wearing a thin tee-shirt and tuck our arms ___ close ___ our bodies to keep warm.

5. Another reason that came ___ is to appear more like a tree, so that they can catch unsuspecting prey ___ food. What tree has two trunks? If the fish see two legs, they will realize that they are dealing ___ a predator and will avoid swimming ___ the flamingo's legs.

6. A third reason that was presented is to allow the bird's foot to dry ___. Just like our skin gets wrinkly when we soak it ___ the bath for a long time, the flamingos' legs need to dry ___, too.

7. A fourth reason was to rest the legs, alternating ___ one to the other (switching ___ the two legs), letting one rest while the other supports the body's weight.

8. According to English Grammar and Composition by John E. Warringer, we have to be careful not to mix ___ prepositions ___ adverbs. ___ example, ___ the sentence, "Tom fell down," since down is not followed by a noun, it is an adverb. To make a prepostional phrase the preposition has to be followed by a noun as in this example, "Jack fell down the stairs."

Answer key
1. Recently Josney and Ron have been discussing the question of why flamingos stand on one leg. I have been following the discussion with interest.

2. They discovered that the birds can raise (hold up) one leg underneath and against their body for up to four hours.

3. I wondered about that. I wondered whether they eat around every four hours. I went to Ewerton's website http://www.myvox.com.br/ to find out how to say 1:00 and 5:00.

4. According to Ron, one reason for tucking the leg beneath their body is to stay warm, like when we are wearing a thin tee-shirt and tuck our arms in close to our bodies to keep warm.

5. Another reason that came up is to appear more like a tree, so that they can catch unsuspecting prey for food. What tree has two trunks? If the fish see two legs, they will realize that they are dealing with a predator and will avoid swimming between the flamingo's legs.

6. A third reason that was presented is to allow the bird's foot to dry out. Just like our skin gets wrinkly when we soak it in the bath for a long time, the flamingos' legs need to dry out, too.

7. A fourth reason was to rest the legs, alternating from one to the other (switching between the two legs), letting one rest while the other supports the body's weight.

8. According to English Grammar and Composition by John E. Warringer, we have to be careful not to mix up prepositions with adverbs. For example, in the sentence, "Tom fell down," since down is not followed by a noun, it is an adverb. To make a prepostional phrase the preposition has to be followed by a noun as in this example, "Jack fell down the stairs."

Friday, May 27, 2005

Don't forget to click on the yellow hunger site button in the links column on the right to donate food to the hungry.

Our friend Ron is zapped by Jesus Photo courtesy of Ron.Preposition exercise. Fill in the blanks.

1. Cristo Redentor is located ___ the Corcovado mountain.
2. Tourists are standing ___ line.
3. They are gathered ___ the statue.
4. Jesus is holding his arms ___.
5. It appears that holiness or power is emanating ___ the statue to Ron.
6. I don't see any beer nearby. Have you seen the article ___ Ron's beer diet?
7. The man ___ Ron's left looks familiar. Do you know him?
8. I want to thank Ron ___ allowing me to post this picture here.
9. That was very nice ___ him.
10. I hope everyone enjoyed these sentences I made ___ you.

Answer key
1. Cristo Redentor is located on the Corcovado mountain.
2. Tourists are standing in line. (British say 'on' line)
3. They are gathered around the statue.
4. Jesus is holding his arms out.
5. It appears that holiness or power are emanating from the statue to Ron.
6. I don't see any beer nearby. Have you seen the article on Ron's beer diet?
7. The man on Ron's left looks familiar. Do you know him?
8. I want to thank Ron for allowing me to post this picture here.
9. That was very nice of him.
10. I hope everyone enjoyed these sentences I made for you.

But you can find it easily by using the find box on your computer (if you have a computer form th US).
Mas você pode achá-lo facilmente usando a 'caixa ' no seu computador (se você tem um computador dos EUA.)

(Press ctrl and f at the same time and paste A Picture is Worth 1000 Words--at Least (or part of it) into the find box that pops up.

Friday, May 20, 2005

A Picture is Worth a 1000 Words -- at Least!

This is an essay I wrote as an undergraduate in college. I used it to create a web page for learners of English as a Second Language: http://www.geocities.com/redcamarocruiser/picture1000words.html I suggest listening to the text as you read the preposition exercise, so that the sound file fills in the blanks for you, giving you feed back on your attempt.

The whole flavor of the Nazi era came alive for me in a photograph of a blonde woman and her Jewish boyfriend being arrested and forced to wear placards announcing their crime--it was illegal for Arian girls to have a relationship with Jewish men because it polluted the race.

It can be an eye into unexplored frontiers: space and oceans and electrons. Photos give us the wonderful computerized landscape of Mars. I have seen a picture of the molecular structure of sugar--something I can't even see.

Photography is a bridge connecting me to the lives of my out-of-state family. I like getting pictures in letters because they show the whole other dimension that doesn’t come through in words. We talked on the phone on my father’s birthday, for example. But the photos captured more of the flavor of the celebration than I could get on the phone. I saw his expression as he held the card I sent him, and I could see he liked his birthday cake.

Since I live isolated from my family, time is frozen for me between visits. I can’t see my nephews growing taller, my mother’s face becoming more grandmotherly. The Christmas pictures each year are always a shock that so much time has gone by, and so much has happened, and I am still stranded out of state, apart from these loved ones. Photographs are the next best thing to being there.

Photograpy is a bridge to my own past, too. I love to page through the family album whenever the children need pictures for a school project. I pause at the pictures of past Christmases, recapturing feelings and memories I had forgotten. I marvel that the tree could have been so full with decorations lovingly made, and the volumes of presents! And were the children ever so small? Yet here is the living proof.

Photographs provide a reality check on how fat I really am, how bad my hair looks, and how much my parents have aged. The pictures from my childhood show that I was not ugly. If only I had known! I have a picture of me as an adult when I gave up dieting because I felt so fat that I thought I could never lose another twenty pounds. If only I looked that good now! Another picture of me is from the time I hated my hair--I was ashamed to be seen on the street! But it was really a nice perm, I discover, as I look at the photograph years later. I have concluded that I always look better than I think I do and not to worry.

Photographs are more objective than a mirror. When we see a photo, we're detached and view the image as an object or an other. When we look in the mirror, we perceive ourselves subjectively through our own psychological filter--tainted by all of our judgements and preconceived notions. Photos have taught me that I am too critical of myself. Pictures can be misused by the advertizing industry to manipulate us onsumers. Artists insert subliminal messages into the whisky ads. Subliminal messages are symbols which are perceived below the conscious level. In other words, we are reacting emotionally to pictures we don't even realize we are seeing.

They draw pictures of naked ladies in the ice cubes of the drink hoping to arouse the male reader. In his mind arousal becomes linked with Johnny Walker. Bingo -- Johny Walker equals pleasure. So every time the man sees a pretty girl, he wants a drink, and every time he wants a drink, he thinks of sexual gratification. He'll buy two drinks -- one for the lady!

In education pictures are indispensible. How can you describe to a student what a Chinese temple looks like as clearly as pictures do? I once attended a lecture on the geometry of soap bubbles. How does a bubble burst? All at once or not? A picture captured the exact moment of the bursting, and showed unmistakably that the bubble explodes at one point, ripping apart on that side while the other side is still erfectly intact. In life, it happens so fast that we cannot see it. So, photography can also be an investigative tool. Likewise it is used in other processes which take too long to observe: tracking sun spots, the growth of plants, their attraction to the sun, the movement of the galaxies.

Photography can be an eyewitness account of history. The whole flavor of the Nazi era came alive for me in a photograph of a blonde woman and her Jewish boyfriend being arrested and forced to wear placards announcing their crime--it was illegal for Arian girls to have a relationship with Jewish men because it polluted the race. It can be an eye into unexplored frontiers: space and oceans and electrons. Photos give us the wonderful computerized landscape of Mars. I have seen a picture of the molecular structure of sugar--something I can't even see. Photos also fuel the public consciousness. The photographic records of the Hiroshima bombing brought home the devastation of atomic warfare. The photos of the Vietnam War caused antiwar protest. We have all been affected by the pictures of the Nazi Concentration Camps and vowed--never again! That these photos are graphic political statements was understood by the administration. They censured the photos accompanying the newscasts covering Operation Dessert Storm.

Photos are used to identify persons, capture criminals and appear on milk cartons to recover kidnapped children. They are taken during forensic investigations, and are presented in court as evidence. Before and after pictures provide credibility and are motivators.

Photography can be a hobby. It is an industry. It provides jobs. Photography is art. A photograph is an image. It is portable. We can keep it near us to feel closer to our loved ones. Grandparents bring them out and brag about their grandchildren. They can be the focal point of a room's decor. It is someone's interpretation of reality. The perspective can influence our perception or even deceive us. Political ads take this into account as they strive to project a certain image.

But photography is not capable of representing all of reality--have you ever seen a picture of God?

Feel free to translate as much of the rest of it as you want into Portuguese and post it as a comment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Prepostion Exercises and Essays Are Now
in the Links For Studying English Section.

Monday, May 16, 2005

Until Death Do Us Part

Adam Posted a joke on his Blog, which I will retell here, so that you can see what my comment is referring to:

Joke:
A dying man's wife was baking cookies. The heavenly scent of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies wafted upstairs to his room where he lie abed*. Mustering all of his strength, he pulled himself upright and with much effort, made his way down to the kitchen. His wife was arranging cookies on platters in a pretty arrangement. When he was about to take a bite of a cookie, his wife slapped his hand, and the cookie fell back on to the plate.

"Those are for the funeral!" she admonished him.

*abed is used in narration like fairytales, but not in everyday conversation. We would say "in bed" in normal English.

Comment:
As a chocolate lover, dare I even say chocophile, a neuologism that dictionary.com does not recognize, I can understand the magnetism of the aroma of the freshly baked chocolate chip cookies that pulled the poor dying man to the kitchen for one last taste. I thought to myself, "Good for him! Even dying he is expending his last energy for a worthy cause."It was very disheartening to hear the harshness of his wife. A true soul-mate would have given him some cookies and spent some loving time with him, sharing a moment over cookies and a beverage.