Whatever virtue this bad-tasting Z-grade atrocity once contained derived from its exemplification of a set of certain cherished American fables—immigrant ingenuity, the cultural melting pot, old things combining into new things—and has now been totally swamped and consumed by different and infinitely uglier American realities: the commodification of culture; the transmutation of authentic artifacts of human life into hollow corporate brand divisions; the willingness of Americans to slop any horrible goddamn thing into their fucking mouths if it claims to contain some byproduct of a cow and comes buried beneath a pyramid of shredded, waxy, safety-cone-orange "cheese."

Access to the Deadspin site blocked at the office. Oh, well. I guess somebody doesn't like Skyline (or Empress, or Gold Star). Too bad.

Back in college, I had a bud who lived on the Indiana side of Cincinnati, and would drive home on weekends to see his girl. On the return trip, he'd sometimes stock up on frozen Empress chili, complete with the pasta, and some Christian Moerlein beer. That would be Sunday dinner for the rest of us. One of the three or four good memories of college.

You know, I really like Skyline chili, 5-way. I can live with Deadspin's rote manufactured scorn. Which, now that I think about it, is an example of the transmutation of authentic scorn into hollow corporate brand divisions; and evidence of the willingness of internet users to slop any horrible goddamn content into their fucking heads if it merely pretends to contain some byproduct of studied, thoughtful consideration and comes buried beneath a pyramid of shredded, waxy, incandescent impotent outrage.

I've lived in California all my life and never heard of a "mission style burrito". How can this be iconic? A better choice would be the California Roll type of sushi -- which I hate, but at least people have at least heard of it.

Maryland crab cake came at #4? Is there some mythic part of Maryland outside of Baltimore with a crab cake that is actually edible? Because the crab cake I've had in the Inner Harbor wasn't an improvement over chewing on used inner tubes.

Chicago-style pizza is not really Chicago-style pizza, but the invention of a guy that happened to live in Chicago, and versions duplicated by competing chains. True Chicago pizza is measured by whether, when you go to the local mom & pop pizza place and ordre a "regular" pizza, it's what you get. Thin crust, think cheese, cut into squares, a big globby mess. (here's my post, by the way).

Food lists are generally bad, and this is no exception. Besides the fact that the writer fancies himself clever while using lots of cussing (how cool is that?), he's clearly pretty stupid about food. Just for starters, Mission Style Burrito #3 because, among other things you can stuff a lot of rice in it.

It looks like there's more than there really is. The pasta holding up the chili is piled pretty high.

I won't get into the argument whether Cincinnati-style is "real" chili or not. It's so obviously different from the southwestern styles that the comparison seems a little pointless, like apples versus pears.

Horrible style, but he has Virginia Ham right. Ham isn't anywhere as popular hear as, for instance, Georgia. And Virginia country hams aren't really all that good when eaten straight. (They make great spaghetti carbonara.)

The Ohioan chili I was introduced to, and now make regularly, has no cheese in it at all. Its flavor principle is red bell peppers and cinnamon, giving it a comparatively sweet flavor somewhat different from conventional chili (but without sugar). I'm pretty sure I was told it's called "Cincinnati chili." I've never heard of smothering in cheese, except that it seems to be characteristic of all American dishes these days; it's hard to find anything without it in a lot of restaurants.

Seriously, Skyline Chili isn't really chili. It's a Greek meat stew. There's a difference. That's why it's runny and the meet isn't browned before going in the pot. Some people love it and some don't. I prefer cheese coneys - and if I was on death row, cheese coneys would be my last meal. But expecting it to be chili in the Tex Mex sense - well, those are just two different things.

Seriously, Skyline Chili isn't really chili. It's a Greek meat stew. There's a difference. That's why it's runny and the meet isn't browned before going in the pot. Some people love it and some don't. I prefer cheese coneys - and if I was on death row, cheese coneys would be my last meal. But expecting it to be chili in the Tex Mex sense - well, those are just two different things.

I've lived in Utah for 22 years and never once seen green jello, let alone green jello with carrots. I did see such a thing growing up in New York!

If there is a genuinely iconic "food" for Utah, it's Fry Sauce.

BTW, I prefer New York style pizza and the best I've had was a place in Glendale, California that existed for a few years in the mid-80s. (There's a New York Pizza place in Glendale now, but it's a different restaurant.)

NY Pizza is definitely better than Chicago style. I made pan pepperoni pizzas last night for dinner, but the only reason was that my NY pizza dough needs to proof overnight and I didn't prepared ahead of time.

Mission style burritos should be outlawed. Total white people food. Go check out a Chipotle sometime and see how many Latinos you see oredering. Rice belongs on the side, along with refried beans.

This guy has zero point zero zero taste. Deep dish pizza is only technically pizza, and not worth walking across the street for a free slice, much less to buy. Ledo's thin crust pizza (once you get past the fact that it's square) from College Park, Maryland, and other locations in and around the District of Columbia beats anything else that dares to call itself pizza.

Maryland crab cakes are not all the way down to #4. The only thing better than crab cakes is ambrosia, and there's been no ambrosia since the gods departed from Olympus.

On the other hand, he's sadly right about Northern Virginian's taste for soy lattes, and Virginia hams being too salty. However DC half smokes are way better than Rhode Island weiners. Not that either is in the same league as Wisconsin brats, of course, which are sadly underrated in this list. The article writer needs to eat sausage until he understands it, or dies from clogged arteries.

Much as I love gumbo, I prefer jambalaya for Lousiana. And either of them should be rated way above anything made with grits.

Memphis ribs below clam chowder??? Ignorance. Sheerest ignorance on the part of the writer.

I've had better brisket BBQ in New Mexico than in Texas. Just sayin'

I'd put chicken-fried steak with Texas, and then put it in the top 10. When you gaze upon the thick, white gravy and feel your arteries harden up just from the visual signals received by your eyes, then you know it's good. Chicken-fried steak at #37? Maybe the way they cook it in Wyoming.

Cedar plank salmon at #30? May the bastard die of food poisoning!

Lutefisk rated higher than anything at all??? Good Lord! A railroad was once sued for misrouting a carload of lutefisk, claiming that the lutefisk has spoiled. I think they won their case when no one could figure out how you could tell spoiled lutefisk from unspoiled lutefisk.

"the commodification of culture; the transmutation of authentic artifacts of human life into hollow corporate brand divisions; the willingness of Americans to slop any horrible goddamn thing into their fucking mouths if it claims to contain some byproduct of a cow and comes buried beneath a pyramid of shredded, waxy, safety-cone-orange "cheese.""

This reveals the author to be a giant douchenozzle, as we put it these days.

One thing I can't stand about living in the Bay Area are the ridiculous burritos loaded with rice. As a proud Southern California native I can say I was raised in a land where burritos do not include rice.

On a local note, nobody here in Oregon thinks that marionberry pie is The Most Awesomest Food Ever. I mean, they're good, if you like berry pies, like some sort of degenerate monster. But not THAT good.

(Cobbler, maybe. Not pie.)

And how did he get Hawai'i without picking Loco Moko instead of "spam and eggs with rice"?

Back to the Northwest, we don't give a damn about salmon, either.

Because it's cheap and omnipresent.

(This is how you tell locals from tourists apart: Tourists get the salmon.

Locals get white fish, because they've been sick of bloody salmon for years.)

Who loves corn dogs? Me. That's who. The first time I ever had a hand dipped corn dog was in Texas and I couldn't get enough. I've been to Iowa many times and can't remember ever seeing corn dogs there outside the grocery store.

As a fourth generation Coloradoan, I can honestly say I have never had the said "Cowboy Cookie." Nor have I ever heard of said "Cowboy Cookie." Perhaps they heard about "Cowpies" and took it from there.

I had to smile because our adult sons, who live in Cincinnati, just loathe that chili. I kind of like it though, it reminds me of a Greek dish I used to make called pastitsio. Maybe that's why they don't like it?? The writer of that column was such a child, substituting fuck value for humor, that was new when I was 12 in 1964.

Shrimp and Grits was invented not in South Carolina but in North Carolina at the restaurant Crook's Corner in Chapel Hill.

"Crook's has the reputation for being "the birthplace of Shrimp and Grits." The often copied dish became famous after Craig Claiborne wrote about it in The New York Times. It's still wildly popular and Crook's has served it in the late chef's style now for more than 25 years."

"Salt Water Taffy" indeed. The signature food stuff of New Jersey is the Hot Texas Wiener (a delicacy unknown in Texas), although a case could be made for the Taylor Ham Sandwich. Ranking Chicago pizza above New York pizza (number one, yet!) can only mean copious amounts of very bad drugs were consumed while this was written.

I love Cincinnati chili, and I grew up in Cleveland. My mom actually found a recipe. All it is is cooked spiced meat. The secret ingredient is a square of baker's chocolate with allspice, cloves, cinnamon and cumin.

25-30 years ago, I was on a business trip to Denver with a bunch of other DC lawyers, and at the end of the day, someone suggested we go to dinner at the Buckhorn Exchange. This restaurant had (and may still have) a lot of hearty dishes, as well as some game things as appetizers (you know, fried rattlesnake, etc.). I noticed they had prairie oysters as an appetizer, and I told the senior partner sitting next to me he should try them. He said he liked sea food, so he ordered them. After he was about half way through the prairie oysters, I told him what they were. He thought about it, asked me if I'd liked some (no, thanks), and then finished them up with gusto. THAT's a great lawyer.

This Washingtonian would rather eat a day old Filet-O-Fish than any salmon I've ever tasted. It's sea stodge, trotted out for the clueless and out-of-staters, like it's some freakin' delicacy. Give me a tart/sweet apple right off the tree in late September.

Other than the fact the whole spiel was moronic, just a few points from a professional chef.

You can't get a decent crab cake in Maryland without going to St. Michael's Island. You sure as hell aren't going to get one in Baltimore. Especially at Inner Harbor, where there's not a restaurant that doesn't use ultra pasteurized Vietnamese jumbo lump. You can always tell by the texture and the preservative chemical aftertaste. West of Baltimore, you may as well be in Ohio as far as crab cakes are concerned, even though just about every goddamn menu in Maryland has them. I think it's a law or something.

BTW, I make the best crab cakes you'll ever have. And they don't have a bit of Old Effin' Bay Seasoning in them.

California is too big and varied to have a "state" food. End of story.

Texas brisket? Right on.

Mississippi is a total miss. Hot tamales. This guy really doesn't get around much. Mississippi has one of the best examples of culinary hybridity in the nation. http://www.southernfoodways.org/oral-history/hot-tamale-trail/

I'm very pleased with Shrimp & Grits being ranked highly. Having mastered that dish to professional acclaim many years ago, I can tell you that this dish, done in Charleston High Style, would be my choice as a last meal. But, like gumbo, there are many, many variations, and they're not confined to South Carolina. The Low Country, whose culture I've studied for a long time, extends through Georgia and northeast Florida. Some of the best shrimp & grits I've ever had were for breakfast at the aptly named Breakfast Club in Tybee Island. Fresh off the boat shrimp, butter, salt, pepper and a touch of garlic done on a griddle. Grits. Eggs. Side of housemade chorizo. Heaven.

Constant contradiction. Chicago is not Illinois, just as Philadelphia is not Pennsylvania. If he can claim deep dish as the Illinois state food, I can claim the cheesesteak as the PA state food. Piss off. A good Philly cheesesteak is a thing of beauty. About the meat: At Jim's Steaks on South Street, you can see them constantly slicing fresh, ruby red sirloins. It doesn't get much fresher than that. I'm a big fan of Jim's, right across from the late, lamented Zipperhead.

Lobster rolls rock. Lobster used to be trash fish fed to prisoners. Quit being so high & mighty, you elitist prick. Piss off.

Bull's testicles for Montana. Sigh. This guy is an asshole, pure and simple. Pan fried trout over a campfire next to the stream or river you caught it in.

North Dakota. C'mon. That's easy. Bison steaks.

Move Lutefisk to Minnesota. I have never known anyone from North Dakota talk about lutefisk, beyond saying that's what those crazy bastards in Minnesota eat. Every Minnesotan I've known shudders in shameful horror when lutefisk enters the conversation. Lutefisk is on par with child molestation in my book. Yes. I've had it.

Massachusetts? Close, but no cookie. Clam bake.

Virgina. Virginia Ham, of course, but he hasn't got a clue about it. And we do take it seriously. As a Virginian who, as a child, would go with his grandfather to the local smokehouse to watch him choose the Christmas ham, I have to say that the vast majority of people who claim to have had Virginia Ham have never had it done properly. Virginia or Smithfield ham is a term of art, and is a true delicacy. When properly soaked, baked or boiled, and thinly, THINLY sliced, it's on par with the the great European hams like Serrano or Parma. I will admit he nailed Northern Virginia, however.

North Carolina Pulled Pork BBQ should have been at #3. Specifically, Eastern Carolina style, with a mouth puckering vinegar based sauce to balance the fat and smoke. Fewer things better.

Dude. Chicken fried steak is a Texas thing. Get a clue. Substitute just about any kind of roast game.

Kansas? Dumb shit. Beef. Steak.

Half smokes for DC. Sure. But it's gotta be a Half smoke from Ben's Chili Bowl. That's what he thinks he's talking about, and I would have ranked it way higher.

And finally, his contemptuous dismissal of Cincinnati Chili is just silly. Stupid. I can only surmise that he got the crap beaten out of him by a Reds fan after a home game on general principles, and decided to externalize his rage and anger at being so humiliated, by trashing the venerable Cincy 5 Way. As I said, I'm from Virginia, and I really don't have a dog in this race, but I love me some good Cincy Chili. As opposed to dicksmack foodie writer, I see Cincy Chili as a quintessentially Amercian dish, harkening back to a dark and hard time in our history, when chili parlors served this - or a variation - to feed hungry workers during the Depression. A wonderfully flavorful meat sauce, spiked with cinnamon, served over spaghetti, provided the part of the fuel allotment to keep the factories grinding through that time and the Second World War. The disparagement of Cincinnati Chili is borne of pure ignorance and bad taste.

Also, Good Lord: Thaddeus Stevens? Talk about yet another example of iconicism seemingly uncoupled from history, character, characterization, and the ability of historical figures even in and from their own days to project into and unto the future a rather incomplete version of actually what was going on, what they themselves were on about, what (and the amount of) dishonesty their power of personality and strength of will could accomplish, including a dubious narrative that yet has been robust enough to far, far, far outlive their own lifetimes.

What about Oreos? All 52 States!! Just listed as being as good as cocaine over at Instapundit.What about New York Cream sodas as the make them in Philly?What about all the great sausages in Wisconsin?Lobster rolls are great.Crab cakes should only be made and eaten at home and in Maryland.If you're going to eat out at cheap places what's better than a Big Mac?

I think this guy is a Coastie who is too cheap to eat out at a good place and too lazy to make foods the right way at home.

The only time I ever heard the term "frozen custard" used, and used actively and frequently (though, it is true, in context and of summers), was when we would go back and visit relatives in Indiana, after my family had moved yet again: to Delaware, as it happened. Back in Indiana, an evening treat might well involve a trip to the custard stand.(The use of "custard" in a frozen context meant "soft-serve [dispensed] ice cream," for example.)

Prepare your biscuit dough, cut the biscuits, put them in the oven. If you can't make I biscuit I don't want to know you.

Slice your country ham (NOT soaked) very thin. If you don't have a properly sharpened knife you could use a band saw.

Cook it up in a cast iron skillet. If you wanted to be depression-era authentic, you'd put some lard in. Otherwise, you'll want some oil/fat in there to keep the ham from sticking.

When it's nice and not-quite-brittle, pull out the country ham. Reserve on the side.

Add butter to the skillet. Fry the eggs to over-easy. Plate them.

At this point, the biscuits are probably done. Get them out of the oven.

Black-eyed gravy: Deglaze the pan with coffee (NOT decaf, you effete wretches) and reduce. You could stir in butter to emulsify it at the end if you want.

Add the slices of country ham to the plate. Eggs get a third, ham gets a third.

Pour gravy over the eggs and ham.

Biscuit gets the other third of the plate.

The proper way to eat this is for the redneck consuming the meal to make a sandwich of the biscuit and the ham, smash up the eggs in the gravy with a fork, and take a bite of the eggs and a bite of the biscuit before masticating.

Ideally there's enough sandwich left to sop up the remaining carnage on the plate. That's actually the best bite of the meal.

It also has to be said, most people who think they know what Chicago-style pizza is, really have never had it. As indicated by whoever said Chicago-style pizza was a lump of dough. There's actually probably LESS dough and crust in Chicago-style than New York style. Chicago-style is mainly a delicious wad of melted cheese. And it takes about 50 minutes to get at a restaurant if ordered. Also, I've never seen it anywhere but Chicago.

The steamed cheeseburgers are a novelty but I never heard of anyone considering them an iconic food of Connecticut. I don't even know anyone who has had one. I believe there is only one restaurant in the entire state that serves them. Maybe New Haven pizza (Sally's, Pepe's, etc.) might have been a better choice for CT.

The steamed cheeseburgers are a novelty but I never heard of anyone considering them an iconic food of Connecticut. I don't even know anyone who has had one. I believe there is only one restaurant in the entire state that serves them. Maybe New Haven pizza (Sally's, Pepe's, etc.) might have been a better choice for CT.