"Well," said the farmer, "Is your mum here"? "No, sir, she's not here either. She went into town with Dad."

"How about your brother, Greg? Is he here"? "He went with Mum and Dad."

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself. "Is there anything I can do for ya"? the boy asked politely. "I know where all the tools are if you want to borrow one. Or maybe, I could take a message for Dad.â€

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Monday, June 15, 2009

Two aliens landed in the West Texas desert near an abandoned gas station. They approached one of the gas pumps, and one of the aliens addressed it, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader." The gas pump, of course, didn't respond. The alien repeated the greeting. There was no response. The alien, annoyed by what he perceived to be the gas pump's haughty attitude, drew his ray gun, and said impatiently, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. How dare you ignore us in this way! Take us to your leader, or I'll fire!" The other alien shouted to his comrade "No, you don't want to make him mad!" But before he finished his warning, the first alien fired. There was a huge explosion that blew both of them 200 meters into the desert, where they landed in a heap. When they finally regained consciousness, the one who fired turned to the other one and said, "What a ferocious creature. It damn near killed us! How did you know it was so dangerous?" The other alien answered, "If there's one thing I've learned during my travels through the galaxy...any guy who can wrap his ~censored~ around himself twice and then stick it in his own ear, is someone you shouldn't mess with!"

Thursday, June 4, 2009

There was a Pied Piper who said, We live in the greatest country in the world. Help me change it!*And the people said, Change is good!

Then he said, We are going to tax the rich fat-cats,*And the people said, Sock it to them!and redistribute their wealth.*And the people said, Show me the money!And then he said, Redistribution of wealth is good for everybody*And Joe the plumber said, are you kidding me? And Joe's personal records were hacked and publicized.*And one lone reporter asked, Isn't that Marxist policy?And she was banished from the kingdom!Then someone asked,With no foreign relations experience, how will you deal with radical terrorists?And the Pied Piper said, Simple. I'll sit down and talk with them and show them how nice we really are and they'll forget that they ever wanted to kill us all!Then the Pied Piper said, l'll give 95% of you lower taxes.*And one, lone voice said, But 40% of us don't pay ANY taxes.So the Pied Piper said, Then I'll give you some of the taxes the fat-cats pay!*And the people said, Show me the money!Then the Pied Piper said, I'll tax your Capital Gains when you sell your homes!*And the people yawned and the slumping housing market collapsed.And he said, I'll mandate employer- funded health care for EVERY worker and raise the minimum wage.*And the people said, Gimme some of that!Then he said, I'll penalize employers who ship jobs overseas.*And the people said, Where's my rebate check?Then the Pied Piper actually said, I'll bankrupt the coal industry and electricity rates will skyrocket!*And the people said, Coal is dirty, coal is evil, no more coal! But we don't care for that part about higher electric rates.So the Pied Piper said, Not to worry. If your rebate isn't enough to cover your expenses, we'll bail you out. Just sign up with ACORN and your troubles are over! Then he said, illegal immigrants feel scorned and slighted. Let's grant them amnesty, Social Security, free education, free lunches, free medical care, bi-lingual signs and guaranteed housing.*And the people said, Ole`! Bravo! And they made him King!And so it came to pass that employers, facing spiraling costs and ever-higher taxes, raised their prices and laid off workers. Others simply gave up and went out of business and the economy slowed even further. Then the Pied Piper said, I am the Messiah and I'm here to save you! We'll just print more money so everyone will have enough! But our foreign trading partners said, Wait a minute. Your dollar isn't worth what it was. You'll have to pay more.*And the people said, Wait a minute. That's not fair!And the world said, Neither are these other, idiotic programs you've embraced. You've become a Socialist state and a second-rate power. Now you'll play by our rules!*And the people said, What have we done?But it was too late.If you think this is a fairy tale, open your eyes and ears. It's happening RIGHT NOW!Did you know the president's name is really an acronym OneBigAssMistakeAmerica