Ello

The problem of growing up abused is the low self-esteem you acquire for the rest of your life. I fucking hate it. I doubt everything, and every time someone speaks to me, I mentally prepare for an attack, and instead of being relaxed become defensive and then simply shut down.

Writing is helping me believe more and more in my self-worth. But now a different beast is facing me. More and more people find out about me and my books, and more and more often they target me to express their own frustrations. I try to hold up a strong front and give them as much love as I can, but sometimes I slip into the old habits of hissing and clawing at them, thinking they want to hurt me. I gotta learn how to stop doing this, because it will only get worse. I've seen writers being attacked online simply for the reason they dared to write something someone didn't like. How to do this? How to let it wash over me and not take it personally and STILL GIVE LOVE NO MATTER WHAT?

By practicing it, I suppose. I will do my best, and hopefully I'll learn. (Or I'll just fucking give up on humanity and move to the moon and happily eat cheese and crackers for the rest of my life.)