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cappuccino eyes

adele's eyes are changing color. and every time i look at her i see cappuccino eyes. deep grey-brown. the same way all that cool milk changes the look of coffee.

our little girl still wasn't sleeping well at night up until the last week or so, and even now it's only but so good. it was driving me a bit mad, if you must know. so we decided to bite the bullet and simply not feed her until at least 4:45/5:00. the first night we did this was significantly better for me because peter stuck with her through the middle of the night and comforted her over and over again to get her back to sleep. this meant that i actually slept for quite a while. once he got her back to sleep she slept until i woke her up for her new normal feeding around 8 a.m. the next night was the worst of them, but we have had one night when i put her in her bed around 10, and she slept until 5:00 all on her own. so we know she can do it.

despite her sleep troubles she has always been generally happy. her chubby little kissable cheeks form the widest smile you've ever seen time and time again - even if she's really tired. she laughs and squeals often. keane even got her laughing last sunday morning as the two of them sat on our bed while we got ready for church. i hope i remember that moment forever.

of course she does get upset sometimes. when this happens her bottom lip quivers in the most pitiable manner you've ever seen.

thus far it seems that she also got her daddy's hair, with a giant fuzzy cowlick at the top of her head. for some reason her big cappuccino eyes, and that fuzzy mohawk cowlick make me think of a precious little duckling when i look at her.

she's growing up so fast.
they both are.

adele rolled over for the first time last week - and then did it thrice more before the night was out. [yes, i really just used "thrice"] granted, she's a major daddy's girl so daddy saw her do it all four times, and mommy saw it exactly zero times. twice front to back and twice back to front. the little stinker actually waited until i walked out of the room the third time, and proceeded to immediately roll over.

i have seen it since, but i swear she was toying with me that first day.

and while it may seem insignificant keane has eaten oatmeal, yogurt, and cereal with milk over the course of the last few days, and used his spoon the entire time for all three of them. as in - without sticking his hands in it once. i'm fairly certain this has never happened before.

oh, and have i mentioned that adele has now tried green beans, squash, peas and carrots? thus far, squash is the favorite.

this time of life is crazy sometimes. okay, most of the time. it can really suck the life out of me some days. those days when i don't get dressed until 4 pm [if at all, let's be honest]. or when i think about the fact that i can count on one hand the number of nights in which i've slept for more than 6 uninterrupted hours over the past seven or eight months.

so most days i simply try not to think about it.

i'm not a proponent of ignoring problems most of the time, but since getting more sleep will simply come with time - and some focus - i prefer to not think about my current lack of it. plus, the last week or so peter has taken on the brunt of it.

little miss is 5 months old today. 5 months. all too often i feel like this time is creeping by, but now i realize just how quickly it has gone. i know that i'll never get this time back, but that's true of all of it. every moment goes by just as quickly as the last. possibly even more quickly.

keane and i were looking through pictures from last year this morning. it's amazing how fast it went and how much has changed. in just one year.

i feel like i've been wading through life over the past few months. even though two kids now seems normal i don't feel like i've really figured out life again. all too often i feel like i'm in over my head. i can handle it, but i don't feel like i'm doing a very good job of handling it.

lately i've realized more and more that you really never feel old enough to be where you are. at least not initially. i always thought 30 would feel different. i always thought i'd feel more capable by the time i had two kids, even though i ended up having kids later than i planned. and i think that's what people don't tell you in our "fake-it-til-you-make-it" society.

some parts of our culture are fantastic. other parts are crap. and i want my kids to grow up knowing the difference.