Wednesday, November 18, 2009

In the second picture, the black couple is missing. The poster on the left was for U.S release and the poster on the right was for British (or European, depending on the news source,) release. Universal Studios' original response to someone highlighting the difference was that they wanted to focus on the "most recognizable stars" for the international release.

Yes, because Jean Reno and Malin Ackerman are huge international stars. I can't turn on E! Entertainment television without hearing about Brangelina and Maliwhomeverhe/sheismarriedtonameshmooshedwithhis/hers.

Universal later put out another statement saying that they were sorry if anyone was offended. They also said they would discontinue the use of the second poster.

I'm just wish I could have been a fly on the wall at the meeting where they decided to photoshop out those two actors. I wonder why no one involved with this whole process wasn't like, "Hmm...this has the potential to be offensive to a large number of people--maybe we should reconsider." What kept that from happening?

Friday, October 30, 2009

Ok, so there aren't going to be any naked pictures of Megan Fox in this post. But I have a funny story about this headline. As any blogger with a decent hosting site knows, you can see how people are finding your blog. Sometimes it'll show you a link that they clicked through from another blog, other times it'll show you a google search that the person did where your little slice of the internet came up as one of the results. You can also see the locations that your different readers are clicking in from. So if you're from Paris, Texas compulsively checking your ex-girlfriend's from Seattle's blog--she's onto you.

Back when I was obsessively analyzing my web traffic, I noticed that one of the main ways that random people came across my blog was by typing "you're what the french call les incompetent" into google. try it. Pretty neat, huh? I used to be the #1 response, (damn you, imdb!) But #2 is not too shabby. At least a few people a day type this into the mother of all search engines, and this post of mine is one of the first results to come up.

What this has to do with Megan Fox: My husband and I were at dinner at the house of some of our couple friends, and the laptop was on the table while we were waiting for the first course to be done. It was a delicious multi-course meal, capped off with a mixture of shaved ice, gelatinous cubes and beans. I'm not gonna lie, that course was not my favorite. But I tried it, and that is what is most important.

So the laptop is on the table, we're talking about my blog and I typed that phrase in to show them the exciting results. My husband then said that I should make a post that had the title "Megan Fox Nude pictures" and we all laughed. Because not only is my husband devastatingly handsome, he's funny too.

What does Megan Fox have to do with race and inequality in America? We were talking about Megan Fox and my blog because a few days before, I had told my friend about something that she wrote that I didn't like.

In the interest of full disclosure, I have to say that most of the people who comment on my blog are friends and family. I know I know, you thought the 2-13 comments on any given post were all from adoring fans who've never met me. Nope, most of them are people I have strongly encouraged numerous times to visit. It usually goes something like this: "Did you know I have a blog? You should read it!" And, if they tell me they've read it, "You should leave me a comment!!!" Hey, whatever works.

So, my friend JD left me a comment on this post about President Obama's health care speech to a joint session of Congress. She said:

I will respectfully disagree with you, of course knowing it's impossible to know what his real motivation was.

I blame it all on the level of political vitriol we've reached. I think Republicans increasingly hate Democrats and their "plans to ruin the country", and this is leading to these types of outbursts. I'm sorry, but I don't see any evidence that he shouted "You Lie!" because Obama is black. I attribute the same factors to the embarrassing outburts about Obama addressing the school children. I am ashamed to be a registered Republican these days.

Shockingly inappropriate? Yes. Highly unprofessional? Disrespectful? Yes. I think that's enough without making this a race issue. Assuming someone is racist because he is a 62 year old white man from SC doesn't seem to match your usual logic.

Looking at how this situation resolved itself, I thought it would be a good teaching tool for my blog about how to have what we call "difficult conversations." The name is pretty self-explanatory, whenever you talk with someone about something that has the potential to make one or both of you uncomfortable (like race,) there are things that you both can do to make the conversation more productive.

The first thing I did was wait a while before responding. It was at least a day, maybe more. I felt my emotions rising when I first read it, and I know that if I had immediately typed something up and pressed "Send" it wouldn't have been a complete picture of what I was thinking/feeling. So a couple of days later, I sent an email that read in part:

I feel like I can say this because we are good friends and I amgrateful for that...

part of the comment that you left on that post really irritated thehell out of me.

Ok, now this is really funny. I hadn't read that email again until just before I cut and pasted it. This portion was supposed to lead into the second rule of difficult conversations, "use I statements." In my idealized memory of my email, I had very calmly and rationally said, "I was really annoyed by the comment that you left." Clearly not.

If I had used an "I" statement, that would have been good because it would have kept the focus on me and my experience. When you do that, people can't really argue, because it's your experience. It also makes you own your reactions. I wasn't trying to say, "You irritated me." I wanted to say, "This happened, and I chose to become irritated." Because that is a more accurate representation of what happened. I did use a feeling word though, which is a plus.

Another helpful thing that happened here is the first part of what I said. I'm starting with a positive, letting JD know that I value our friendship, and it is because of that very valuing that I'm saying what I am saying next. This works in many other contexts.

"I love you and I want you to live for a long time--it really scares me when you drive drunk."

"There are times that it's really fun to hang out with you, and I'm glad for that--and there are times I feel exhausted by how much you complain."

Another tip: don't say "but." Just don't. I hardly ever say it.

Instead say "and," or just say whatever the second sentence is. I really like this because it doesn't break up the two statements. We live in a world where opposite things can be true at the same time. Eliminating the word "but" is an acknowledgement of that. Please continue saying "butt" though.

So, JD wrote me back and we both agreed that it would be better for us to wait until we saw each other in person to continue the discussion. Difficult conversations are probably best had in person. E-mail is a medium too open to misinterpretation.

Once we were face to face, JD told me she had a hunch on which part of the comment "irritated the hell out of me." Her guess?

Assuming someone is racist because he is a 62 year old white man from SC doesn't seem to match your usual logic.

Now, this is an excellent guess. Anyone who knows me, knows that a surefire way to get under my skin is to question my mad logic skillz. I buy logic puzzles at the supermarket and do them for fun.

However, this was not the part of the comment that bothered me most. No, the part that made me write was when she said, "

I'm sorry, but I don't see any evidence that he shouted "You Lie!" because Obama is black.

Grrr. Part of my experience as a black person is dealing with white people saying, "this is not about race."

It's like, "White person, how do you know? You don't even know about race! You don't even use your race when describing who you are! So don't tell me what is and isn't 'about race' tyvm."

So while at dinner I tried to frame it in a way that I thought would resonate more for JD. JD has had a long history of working in a very male dominated industry. For the sake of this blog, we'll say it's construction management.

So I said, "JD, how would you feel if you were complaining about the gender discrimination that you have faced on a construction site and my husband said, "Oh, JD that's not about sexism. It's about _____" I'm envisioning something like, "myblackfriend's husband, how do you know? You don't even know about sexism in the workplace, because you don't experience it!"

This is the crux of the argument: When you are a member of a dominant group talking with a member of a marginalized group about some "-ism" that the member of the marginalized group experiences, you need to be very aware of your privilege. Be aware of the fact that your life experiences are different than theirs, and since they have spent so much time as an outsider--give them the space to let that outsider voice be heard. Because our culture doesn't allow many spaces for that to happen.

Now, I am not saying that you have to agree with everything that the person says, or that your experience as a person from the dominant culture is invalid. My problem was not that JD disagreed with me, it was that she disagreed based on a feeling, when I had tried to move past my feelings and get more concrete. My problem was that we live in a society where that is seen as a reasonable argument, because she's white and I'm black. "Well, I don't think/feel that was what was going on."

Oh ok. Conversation over, I guess.

That's not going to work for me. If we're going to have these talks, everyone has got to be held accountable. We've got to "go there." We've got to talk about things that make us cry, that make us want to run away. We've got to press each other and say, "What makes you say that?" "I don't understand this." "I am being irritated the hell out of. "

So after more dialogue, eventually the conversation came to an end. I don't want to speak for JD, from my perspective it had a very nice resolution. After we finished talking, she proceeded to shower me with gifts. LOL--she really did, but not because she felt bad. She and her husband were shedding some of their worldly possessions in preparation for a grand adventure.

That's it in a (very long) nutshell. JD I hope you don't mind me turning our interaction into a blog post. I am really curious to hear your take on the situation. And to my other readers, (Kate, Mom, Laura, et al.) If you have any thoughts--I'd love to hear them (:

Thursday, September 10, 2009

This started as a facebook status update and is morphing into a blog post. I try to keep my facebook postings as non-controversial as possible, in an attempt to avoid potentially offending people. You know, like people I built toothpick bridges with in elementary school, or randomly met at Jewish pub crawls. You don't always get into deep ideological discussions in situations like those, so I like to keep my FB postings pretty light and easygoing--YKWIM?

This blog on the other hand, has always been intended as a place for me to say what I want, when I want--so let's get to it, shall we?

Last night, President Obama gave a speech before both houses of Congress about health care reform. During the speech, one of the people in the audience yelled out, "You lie!" as the President was making a point. Today, that outburst is being framed by the mainstream media as a sign of how contentious the health care debate has gotten; evidence of the deep political divisions that exist between the parties. I see this as a sign of something very different, and it bothers me that I'm not hearing my interpretation of the events expressed/discussed more.

I think everyone agrees that what Rep. Joe Wilson (a 62-year-old white male, born and raised in South Carolina,) said to President Obama ( a 48-year-old black male (allegedly) born in Hawaii,) was inappropriate. Disrespectful? Fewer people would agree with this, but props to John McCain for characterizing Wilson's behavior as such.

What we don't agree on, is what compelled Wilson to say such a thing. What made him think it would be okay to say, "You lie!" on live television, in front of a global audience, at a work function, to the President of the United States of America. Now, Obama is not Wilson's boss, but one of them has a plane and the nuclear codes. The other has to eat in a cafeteria.

Now, Wilson characterized the incident as a "spontaneous" event where his emotions got the best of him. If it was so spontaneous, why do we hear someone (who sounds to me a lot like Joe Wilson,) yell something else out, a few seconds before the soundbite that has become so popular? Listen below at the 1:18 mark

Also, why is it that in the 43 presidents that we've had previously, no one has ever felt compelled to yell statements that question the integrity of the Commander in Chief in the past? The Civil War, The Great Depression, Vietnam, Watergate, Iran-Contra, Monica Lewinsky, Iraq--all these extremely controversial events in our history, and none of the thousands upon thousands of congresspersons has ever yelled, "Go suck an egg, Hoover!" or "We're bout to impeach your ass, Clinton!" So peculiar...

And finally, what was the statement in that got Mr. Wilson so riled up--so out of control that he's just gotta start yelling? Oh that's right, brown people without work papers getting free health care.

"Killing grandma, I'll let you say that's not true Obama, but free care for illegals? That is where I've got to draw the line." If you're wondering why he calls them "illegals" instead of illegal immigrants: Representative Wilson is a very busy man, he can't be bothered with the extra energy it takes to add a noun to his not-even-a-word adjective. And don't even bother telling him about the term "undocumented workers,"--that would imply that they work and pay taxes.

So, my husband says that sometimes when I make my blog posts, I beat around the bush and avoid saying what I mean. I think this is true at times, because I am trying to stimulate thought and discussion amongst my readers. This is not one of those times.

Joe Wilson said what he said to the person he said it to, because he is pissed off that a black man is president. He can't believe that some black guy is trying to tell him what to do. He has never really had to treat a black man with respect at any point in his life before--why should he start now? Sure he's in the hallowed halls of Congress--but somebody has got to put this uppity negro in his place!

Friday, July 31, 2009

I have more to say about the whole HLG incident, but I don't feel like writing it all down right now.

What I do feel like doing is posting this hilarious e-trade video. You've probably already seen it (It was on during the Superbowl,) But it is worth watching twice.

Two reasons I like this video...

1) Cute talking babies. 'Nuff said.

2) I like that the black baby is singing what would be considered a "white" song and he's not using an obviously "black" voice (yo yo yo I'm a baby--wassup?!!!) Let me be clear that there is nothing wrong with liking black music or having a black voice. It's just nice to see another option it comes to people of color's portrayal in the media. We still have to deal with the ever present issue of the brown baby being the sidekick for the white baby, but we can work on that...right?

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

So my wonderful Aunt asked me what I thought about the Henry Louis Gates incident and since I want to maintain my most favored neice status, I figured I'd share my impressions. If you haven't heard, a brief rundown: Dr. Gates is black. He was returning from a trip to China to find that his front door was jammed. He and the guy that drove him from the airport tried to force the door open. One of his white neighbors saw Gates and the driver at the front door and called the police. When the police came the officer asked Dr. Gates to step outside. Dr. Gates refused and then ended up getting arrested for disorderly conduct. The charges have since been dropped.

First of all, I don't understand how you can be arrested for disorderly conduct for refusing to leave your own home. Especially when it is not a command from a cop. Sidenote: I realized something recently. When you get pulled over by the cops, they have questions and they have commands.

Questions:

Do you know how fast you were going?Do you know why I pulled you over?Have you been drinking tonight? Do you mind if I search your vehicle?

They are asking you all of these things as an attempt to get you to A) incriminate yourself or B) keep you from exercising your other very important constitutional rights.

Commands:

Step out of the car. Put your hands on your head. Open the door! It's the police! etc., etc., etc.

They can tell you to do these things because you're more than likely about to get your ass arrested. No more Mr. Nice Guy.

So if in fact Dr. Gates was asked to step outside of his house, he was within his rights to say no. And why did the cop refuse to give Dr. Gates his name and badge number? Shady. True, Dr. Gates was apparently giving the cop attitude talking about being a black man in America, but so what? He's in his own house getting hassled by the cops. And he just spent God knows how long on an overseas flight. International travel makes even the calmest individuals cranky.

I get that cops are supposed to get some level of respect and deference, but if you don't give it to them--does that mean they should be allowed to arrest you? I don't think so. And the fact that some of them will if you don't is a big reason why so many people hate cops.

So what do you think? Do you think the neighbor would have called the cops if it had been two white guys trying to force open the door? Do you think Dr. Gates would have been arrested if he had been more "cooperative?" Do you think he would have been arrested if he were white and was giving the cop lip? What do you think about him giving the cop 'tude in the first place? If you've got thoughts, I'd love to hear them.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Sooo...what's up with the term "anti-racist?" As far as I know, this is the most "with it" term to use when discussing yourself in relationship to racism and race relations. Not only are you not a racist yourself, you are so outraged by racism and it's practitioners that you must come out as soundly against it and all that it stands for.

Don't get me wrong: I get the sentiment, and I'm down with not being a fan of all things racism. But there are some things that I take issue with when it comes to the term "anti-racist," and I want to share them with you, my faithful readers.

In a nutshell, I think it's too negative. I am a big believer in the idea that "the things you focus your attention on grow." I think it's the counselor in me (:

To use my google image as an example: people in your life who spend a lot of time talking about stress--do they seem to be stressed or calm?

And the people who seem to be calm--what do they spend most of their time talking about-- stress? Or something else?

So by coming out and saying you are an "anti-racist" you're just giving your energy and attention to racists and racism, things you don't want. When instead you could be focusing your energy and attention on things you do want. So to all my anti-racists out there: What are you "Pro?" Love? Equality? Opportunity? Acceptance? Justice? Enquiring minds want to know...

Friday, July 03, 2009

Hola amigos. I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya (bonus points for id'ing that semi-obscure pop culture reference,) but I'm back in business. I originally took my hiatus because I felt like I had a lot on my mind, and that I needed to give the blog a rest for awhile. I read a fair number of other blogs, and I would be surprised to occasionally see bloggers saying things like, "I think about this blog several times a day, wondering if what is happening is blog-worthy." Or, "Why do I think you care enough to know about [insert mundane topic here]" The response from me being, "Of course I care about [previously mentioned mundane topic] that's why I clicked on your blog, yo!"

But I noticed that as I started updating this blog everyday, that started to happen to me. This blog started taking up a lot of space in my brain. Too much, because it started to get hard for me to think about anything else. Now I'm feeling like a few weeks off has been good for me, and I am excited to get back in the swing of things. I won't be updating everyday, but I will use this space for what it has been from the beginning: A place for me to say what I think. And I've had a lot on my mind lately: The Supreme Court firefighter decision and the term "anti-racist" just to name two.

Another one of the things that I've been thinking is that it would be unwise for me to let the potential bump that would come from a shoutout on a blog much more popular than mine go to waste. So if you're visiting me for the first time from Macon's blog and are looking for a more comprehensive definition of the word racish, you should click here..

Thursday, May 14, 2009

So, I've decided to take a hiatus of undetermined length from blogging. If you want to be kept informed of when I'm back on the scene, there are a number of options for tracking me and this blog over there to your right.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Why is it not okay to say that something is "the r word", but it is okay to say that something is "lame"? Perhaps because The L word was already a popular program on Showtime?

Think about it: Both words are used to mean the same thing (i.e. something sucks,) and they both reference a group of marginalized people. But one has a whole campaign around eradicating its use, while the other is still used by people on a daily basis. Wassup wit dat?

Monday, May 11, 2009

This week's selection for Music Mondays is Amazing by George Michael. I picked this song because 1) I love it and 2) It is the first love song written by a man for another man that I've ever heard. Which I think is pretty sad since I'm 30 ( well, 28 when the song came out.) [ETA: This is probably not the first song that was by a man to another man that I've heard--it's just the first one where the singer explicitly said the song was about another dude.] I heard George perform this song on Oprah and I went right out and bought the CD ( a marketer's dream, no?) Amazing talks about the ups and downs of George's relationship with his partner, Kenny Goss. If you would like to read along with the lyrics, you can do so here.

I think there are a lot of themes in this song that anyone in a loving relationship can relate to, like when George sings, "I think it's amazing, the way that love can set you free." Love is awesome, it truly is what makes life worth living.

So those of you out there lucky enough to be in love, give your significant other a big kiss and a hug. Not tomorrow, today. And those of you still waiting: keep the faith, it'll happen soon enough.

Friday, May 08, 2009

Let's get to it. Aaron had a lot to say on this post, but I want to focus on one thing in particular.

I said this:

"But black people are supposed to be the ones with all the crazy musical talent."

And Aaron said this:

That almost struck me as an odd thing to say on a blog that's all about racial dialog because it sounds like stereotyping. Granted, at times, there are grains of truth within stereotyping, but I thought we were supposed to avoid that in order to gain a better understanding of each other.

You're right Aaron, that is stereotpying. We should avoid doing that, because it inhibits our understanding of one another. When I wrote that, I was trying to use sarcasm (not very effectively,) as a way to deal with the frustration that I sometimes feel being a black person in America in general, and in particular while writing this blog. Have you ever heard that saying, "sometimes you've gotta laugh to keep from crying"? I think that is what I was struggling with when I wrote that. The fact that Rissi Palmer doesn't seem to be on track to becoming the next Taylor Swift doesn't make me want to boo-hoo, but writing about things like this, this, and this does. And the fact that they are all related in some insidious way makes me angry at times, and makes me wonder if things are ever going to change. I really hope that they do, because I think that if we could move past our pesky insecurites and fears, we've all got a lot of untapped into awesomeness at our fingertips.

This is not to say that black people are not "crazy" musically talented

I'll say it: black people are not "crazy" musically talented. I believe that there are people with talent from every race. I say here that even these so called "positive" stereotypes are not helpful. Even if we were to do a study that said black people are over-represented in the music industry, the explanation wouldn't be because of our inherent ability. Just like Minnesotans being over-represented on hockey teams is not due to some genetic Minnesotan mutation. Like you said in your comment, it can primarily be attributed to the culture. Which is exciting, because who decides what makes up the culture? We do!

Love the blog, keep up the good work!

Aaron, I am really glad that you are enjoying this blog, and even happier that you are leaving comments. I hope you'll keep doing both (:

I actually wanted to spend the majority of this installment of Follow-up Fridays talking about another comment that came earlier in the week on this post in response to another reader using the phrase "white trash"

jgalt said:The word "white trash" is just as bad as the word "nigger". Both words are about degrading one's race and stoops to the lowest and viale elements of the human experiance. These words are filled with hate and anger and do nothing but pollute the dialoge and clogs the efforts to move forward as civil parties. I challenge you to read the post and insert the word nigger for white trash and you will see my point. The tone of your post would take a different demenor and would probly cause you to rethink your use of words. It would have been better to advance your theory in a way where name calling and ridicule is left out. Your sister's friend is exercising her god given right to live her life and pursue happiness as she sees fit. If one disagrees with it so be it, as long as she is not infringing on anothers right to pursue their happiness. Her choices would not be yours but the name calling does nothing to advance your theory on how her life is turning out. People live a wide arrange of complex and simple lives, that I believe is what makes this whole human experience so devine. Life is constantly changing and the choices we make allow us to control our destinies. The choices that one person makes my not be your but I would rather celebrate the fact that those choices are allowed to be made and not controled by an oppresive government. Words matter.

I normally go line by line on Follow-up Fridays comments, but I'm not going to do that here. Basically, I agree with everything that jgalt had to say. I used to have an entry about the phrase "white trash," but I deleted it because I felt like I wasn't accurately expressing what I wanted to about such a puzzling phrase. But I've been doing a lot of thinking, and think I have a better grasp on what I want to say and how I want to say it.

The phrase "white trash" is degrading. I don't understand describing another person in that way. Well, I do understand it in the same way I understand why anyone puts anyone else down: in a not very effective way for the insulter to feel better about him/herself. But I have always found it peculiar that many (most?) white people have no problem describing other members of their group this way. You don't really hear people of color denigrating each other with racial slurs. If they do use racial slurs, it is usually in context that is meant to have an entirely different meaning. And if they are using it to be insulting, it's pretty much guaranteed that that person is suffering from some serious internalized racism (like the black cop in Boyz in the Hood ::shudder::) So, what is the deal with "white trash"?

And then it hit me--the term "white trash" is an element of social control.

don't drive the right car? White trash.don't wear the right kind of clothes? White trash.don't handle conflict by pretending it doesn't exist? White trash.don't write thank you cards in a timely manner? White trash. don't live in the right kind of house? White trash.don't have an acceptable family structure? White trash. don't throw the right kind of parties? White trash.

I could go on, but you get the idea. Basically, if you're white and you do anything socially that another group of white people don't agree with, you can have this label slapped on you. Pretty effective way to keep people in line, and keep them obsessed with "keeping up appearances." It's also a good way to keep people buying -ish, since so much of what I mentioned above is about consumer goods, but that's another post for another day.

So think the next time you're contemplating using this phrase remember: no human being is trash. Trash is what you sweep into a dustpan and then put in the dumpster. Sometimes if you're feeling particularly irresponsible, you set it on fire in your backyard. You don't do that to people, even people who wear cutoff jean shorts. YKWIM?

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Allow me to take a a few minutes of your time today. These videos are pretty self-explanatory. The first one gets off to a slow start, but they are most definitely worth watching. If you've seen them before, I encourage you to watch them again--I find that I get something new with each viewing. Pay really close attention to the facial expressions of these children, and how aware of the world around them they seem at only 8 years old.

And the next day, with the roles reversed.

And before we explain this away by saying it was decades ago, let's not forget about this video I posted from the 21st century. This one is shorter, only three minutes.

Monday, May 04, 2009

Do you have a case of the Mondays today? I hope not. If you do, I've got a fun song for you to listen to that might get you out of your funk.

This week's selection for our latest installment of Music Mondays is Country Girl by Rissi Palmer. I first became aware of this song when Starbucks had it featured as a Song of the week. The lyrics are pretty straightforward, but if you'd like to follow along with them, you can do so here. I am also happy to report that there is no cursing in this song, so pull your little one (or your boss,) up to the screen and you two can jam out together. As always, we'll have a little discussion at the end, so pay attention.

First off, Rissi has got Jamie Foxx beat for the "most white people in a black person's music video" award.

I chose this song today because it reminds me of a conversation that we had previously about what it means to be "a proud Southerner". Rissi appears to be singing about many/some/all of the things that we discussed in terms of what Southerners are proud of, but I'm wondering why the title of the song isn't Southern Girl ?

To all my Southerners out there, what are your thoughts about calling yourselves not proud Southerners, but instead proud country folk? It seems like this might assuage some fears of people thinking you mean "I wish the South had won the war," when you talk about being proud of being from the South. But at the same time, being willing to give up the Southerner label would just mean you were giving it over to the racists, instead of fighting for it. That's like letting the terrorists win. It's just all so complicated...

I want to get sidetracked for a second and say that "country people" do not have exclusive claim to being polite or raising well-behaved kids. I'm not from the South and I'd like to think my "home trainin'" is quite good, tyvm. But I guess that's why she says "Don't need no kin from West Virginia to have it in ya" (Sidenote within a sidenote: I actually do have kin from West Virginia--Beckley represent!) She says in the song "it's a state of mind no matter where you're from" which means that we can all go around calling ourselves country girls if we want to.

I did some research on Wikipedia and found out that before this song peaked at #54 on the country charts, another black woman hadn't charted with a country song since 1987. That's a long time, people. White people have been on the rap and r&b charts more often than once every 20 years--what's up with that?

Rissi says in her wikipedia article, that she was offered a record deal with Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis but turned it down, because they were trying to morph her sound into something less country sounding. I also noticed that she has a new single out right now, and it's a cover of an R&B song by Chris Brown.

So her album came out in 2007. To my country music listening readers, have you ever heard this song before? I've never heard it (or anything about Rissi Palmer) other than the Song of the Week from Starbucks. I get that it is hard for any new artist to make it big in the music industry, but I am guessing that Ms. Palmer has a unique set of challenges that her white up and coming counterparts don't. And in the course of writing this post, I have been thinking about how black artists seem to be pigeonholed into certain genres, while white artists are found in pretty much every section of the record store. But black people are supposed to be the ones with all the crazy musical talent. That doesn't make any sense.

Saturday, May 02, 2009

I've been MIA for the last couple of days. I've been pondering life's great questions. And napping.

But now I am BIA, and it is time for this week's installment of Follow up Fridays. This week's comment comes from my white friend Cathy. Cathy left a few comments (which is awesome,) We're going to highlight two.

Anyway, I think the Jackson reference says it's not just about race... It's about class too. Not very post-colonial... Or maybe it is. Though I suspect Jackson would agree with that, so maybe not!

And then later...

Ok, now I've had a chance to listen to this week's song (and a bit of the one you wanted to compare it to.)

Here's my question back to you. (Aren't the best questions answered with more questions?) I feel like you've got this unspoken agenda lingering. The question I sense just by the choice of songs and some of your comments is this. "What makes life so terrible for these people (the characters in the songs--whoever that is)? Who are we to blame for this injustice?"

I feel like you're looking for a label to put on it (thus my post earlier about what I think the Jackson reference was about). I guess I see it as a bit of everything--race, gender, class. All the biggies that get their own discipline. My question, though, is does it matter what we call it? MUST we call it something other than a vicious cycle? Must we label it to find solutions? Does this create more problems and conflicting agendas?

I guess the other unspoken question I sense is "what's the way out?" To that I have no answer. The teacher in me says education, but the realist in me knows that in America not everybody has a chance to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and it's so much more complicated than such a simplistic idea.

I grew up with a lot of kids who live/d lives similar to the characters in those songs, and I've often wondered what made us take such different paths? Why was Angel pregnant at 13 while I ended up with an MA and full scholarships to my schools of choice? I think the biggest thing was my parents, and I don't know how to teach people to be good parents. Well, I have some ideas, but nothing foolproof :)

I've just discovered your blog, and it has reminded me of being back in all those fun humanities classes I loved so much in college--just shooting the shit about stuff that matters in the world. I'll be coming back for more! You sometimes irritate me on ****** b/c I see you out there playing devil's advocate so much and I just want to know what you REALLY think, so this has been an interesting insight into your brain.

So tell me if the unspoken questions were really hanging there or if I just projected onto you with what I've been thinking about ...

**********************Anyway, I think the Jackson reference says it's not just about race... It's about class too. Not very post-colonial... Or maybe it is. Though I suspect Jackson would agree with that, so maybe not!

Hmm...When I heard that line, I thought that The Game was referring to the comment that Jesse Jackson made about Barack Obama talking down to black people. That comment pissed a lot of people off. So maybe it was a response to that. I have two (no, three) alternative options in my head

1) "I (The Game) have found that my life is significantly better now that I have a lot more money. I was born a poor black child in the projects, but I worked hard, had a talent, met the right people, and now I'm rich--what does it all mean?"

2) [This is still The Game talking] "Shut up, Jesse Jackson! Can't you see we're on the verge of electing a black president?!! I don't appreciate you talking sh*t about him. Clearly if we can put a black man in The Oval Office, that means we're making real strides on the issue of race. Keep your vulgar opinions to yourself."

3.) Something else I haven't thought of.

I feel like you've got this unspoken agenda lingering.

Ooh, sounds subversive. Tell me more...

The question I sense just by the choice of songs and some of your comments is this. "What makes life so terrible for these people (the characters in the songs--whoever that is)? Who are we to blame for this injustice?"

Interesting. The reason that I do Music Mondays is because I like music. My only real agenda is to get people thinking about what they've heard. Music is like art, it affects people in different ways. Ideally, I want people to share about how the music affects them, but I can tell that some of the songs like this one, or this one affect people in ways that they're not that comfortable sharing about. Which is fine--- everything in due time, right?

I feel like you're looking for a label to put on it

Well, I don't think that you can solve a problem without first defining it.

I guess I see it as a bit of everything--race, gender, class. All the biggies that get their own discipline.

I think it's probably all of these too. But I think it's interesting that classism actually doesn't get its own discipline. At least that I know of. Like, most major universities don't have a "class studies" major. I was an undergrad in Sociology and we only had one course on class, "Social Stratification". It seems like such a huge part of what is going on (just ask The Game,) but a very small part of what we actually spend our time talking about.

My question, though, is does it matter what we call it? MUST we call it something other than a vicious cycle? Must we label it to find solutions? Does this create more problems and conflicting agendas?

I don't know. Vicious cycle might work. I think we have to determine first if the cycle is in fact "vicious." That's one of my big fears. Thinking that I automatically know that it must suck to be poor (because I think it would,) and if only everyone were middle class they'd be sooo happy. I'm really wary of coming across as this person who's out to "save the poor people." That's why this blog is about models in jcrew catalogs, and getting upset at episodes of The Daily Show, and getting bad service at Ruth Chris --because that's what I know, that's how these issues affect my life.

I have ideas of how The Game and others might solve problems, but I think it would be much more important to get his ideas first about what the solutions should be, because he understands the problems a lot better than I do.

I guess the other unspoken question I sense is "what's the way out?" To that I have no answer. The teacher in me says education, but the realist in me knows that in America not everybody has a chance to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and it's so much more complicated than such a simplistic idea.

I think education is important also. I think it would be helpful if people could be guaranteed they were going to receive a very good education, regardless of the neighborhood they lived in.

I grew up with a lot of kids who live/d lives similar to the characters in those songs, and I've often wondered what made us take such different paths? Why was Angel pregnant at 13 while I ended up with an MA and full scholarships to my schools of choice? I think the biggest thing was my parents, and I don't know how to teach people to be good parents. Well, I have some ideas, but nothing foolproof :)

I think parents are important too. Maybe it's all important. Maybe none of it's important. I've been thinking a lot about parents recently, and how things would be so much better if some parents would just get their acts together. But then that always leads to visions of A Handmaid's Tale running through my head.

I've just discovered your blog

cool, make sure you tell all your friends about it (:

it has reminded me of being back in all those fun humanities classes I loved so much in college--just shooting the shit about stuff that matters in the world.

Isn't it funny? Some people think science is what really matters, some people think philosophy is what really matters, some people think machines are what really matter, and some people think all the social stuff is what really matters. I wonder if we're born that way? I'm also thinking if there wasn't someone to think that everything in life is what really mattered, our universe would be a lot more boring.

You sometimes irritate me on **** b/c I see you out there playing devil's advocate so much and I just want to know what you REALLY think

She's talking about a message board in that **** part. I'm still trying to figure out my whole public/private blog persona thing.

Cathy, I guess what I'd say here is that I bet a lot of the time you think I'm playing devil's advocate, that's not really what I'm doing. I don't think there's anything that I've written on the unnamed message board, that I don't actually believe (unless I'm utilizing the wonderful tool that is sarcasm). I'd like to think that my views are nuanced, which means they might seem contradictory at times. But I think I'd have to know more specifically what you're referring to.

So tell me if the unspoken questions were really hanging there or if I just projected onto you with what I've been thinking about

I think the questions that you posed are questions that were brought up for you as part of your unique experience, and not part of my "unspoken agenda." I'd like to think that if nothing else, my agenda has stayed pretty consistently spoken throughout this blog (:

They were very good questions, and I enjoyed thinking about them. I think that they brought up some worthwhile things for us all to ponder, and I really appreciate you taking the time to write them down.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

No race and inequality talk today, just my favorite hilarious commercial of the moment...

Even though I have Tivo, I will stop fast forwarding to watch a commercial that I haven't seen. Or to watch a funny commercial again. Am I alone in this? This commercial's got lots of people of different ethnicities, tied together by their despair over buying bad games. Ok, so maybe just a little race and inequality talk...

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

So as I my blogroll can attest, I am a big J. Crew fan. So much so, that I have a free jcrew.com baseball cap that I got back when 1) J. Crew sold baseball caps and 2) They were trying to entice their customers into trying out this crazy new thing called "the internet" that you could use to buy stuff.

J.crew (like most retailers,) has always left something to be desired when it came to showcasing models of color. I chalk it up to them being products of their environment ;p I have coninued to shop there because I like their clothes, and have been satisfied with the service I receive.

Contrast this to Abercombie & Fitch, a place where I stopped spending my money because I wasn't satisfied with the service that I received. Now, I know that A&F tends to give crappy service to everyone, but that seems like a pretty good reason not to spend your money there, doesn't it? I'm also too old for that place these days. Sidenote--did you know that Abercrombie and Fitch was involved in a class-action lawsuit a few years ago that they settled for $40 million dollars? Charges of racial, ethnic and gender discrimination. Sucks to be them.

Ok, back to J. Crew. I got a catalog in the mail a few weeks ago, and immediately noticed a brownish lady on the cover. As I flipped through the pages, I saw that she was on a lot of them. It was a woman named Liya Kebede, and they were partnering with her to promote her children's clothing line. I want to reinforce this kind of behavior, so I wrote them a letter. It said:

Dear Mr. Drexler,

I am writing to express my surprise and delight with my April '09 J.Crew catalog. I have been a long time fan of J.Crew clothing, wearing it since the days of the barn jackets and rollneck sweaters of the early '90's. As your company has made a transition with its designs, I am pleased to see that you are also expanding your ideas about beauty and what the "J.Crew customer" looks like. When I saw Liya Kebede so prominently featured modeling this year's spring fashions, I was excited to see a beautiful, sophisticated woman of color representing your company. As such an iconic American brand, J.Crew is in a unique position to help reshape and expand the idea of the "All-American girl" as we embark on this next decade of the 21st century. The United States is a country with a rich history that includes Americans of all shades, and it is very promising to see a major retailer acknowledging and celebrating that fact. Keep up the good work.

Sincerely-myblackfriendsays.com

I used my name, the myblackfriendsays.com is again, for branding purposes.

There are a couple of things that I want to highlight that can help you write an effective compliment/complaint letter to a company.

1) I addressed the letter to the CEO. Now does that mean that he is definitely going to read it? No, but it shows that that's who I intended it to get to, and so the chances are greater that he will see it. Also, if they send me a response, they will have to acknowledge that Mickey is the person that I sent it to.

2.) I emphasized my long relationship with the company. Long relationship= $$. Long time customer that is happier now than she was before = more $$. And like Diddy would say, "It's all about the benjamins, baby."

3.) I made a point to tie-in what I was writing them about to their brand image. This is really important because big corporations are obsessed with their "brand image." If you can show how what they are doing is or isn't consistent with that image--it can have a big impact.

4.) I made it clear what I wanted them to do. In this case, "keep up the good work." But this step is important if you're complaining about something also. It's not effective to right a letter and say, "I'll never shop here again!" because if you do that, what is their incentive to try and satisfy you? Companies want to know what you want them to do to "make it right." If they can do that, they will. If they can't--they'll tell you what they can do.

I'll let you know how it turns out. And I want to also say that sometimes, nothing comes of writing letters. I talk in this post about a similar situation. I never heard anything back at all from this company, and as a result I don't buy their products--and I take every opportunity to encourage others to spend their money elsewhere.

It is important to note that regardless of the outcome, I am making my voice heard. And that is definitely worth something.

Monday, April 27, 2009

It's Monday, which means it's Music Monday time! Remember, if you've missed any of the other Music Monday offerings, you can click the little label at the end of this post and that will bring up all the previous videos.

This weeks selection is My Life by The Game featuring Lil Wayne. As my faithful readers know, I chose another song by The Game a couple of weeks ago. I really want us to compare and contrast the two songs, so if you haven't heard the other one, or you need a refresher, you can click here.

And the video is below. Be ready for profanity, references to violence and drug use.

So, what do you notice?

A couple of things that I notice:

In all the lyrics that I've found on the internet they say, "I need meditation so I can leave my people." I always thought it said, "I need meditation so I can lead my people. Those two words give the line very different meanings, so I wonder which one is right.

We learn more about his father, who was apparently an IV drug user. This reminds me of the line in the other song when 50 cent says, "Daddy a'int around, prolly out commitin' felonies..."There are still references to violence, but the context has changed.In both songs he talks about getting the female caretakers in his life expensive cars.There are a lot more references to white artists (Kurt Cobain, John Lennon) in this song than his previous one. This reminds me of last week's music monday selection. I wonder if this is just a trend, or something that will continue long into the future.

When he says, "F*ck Jesse Jackson, cause it a'int about race now" what do you think he means? If it's not about race now, what is it about?

I don't think I need to tell you that I want you to leave me comments, do I?Ok, I want you to leave me comments.

Friday, April 24, 2009

It's Follow-up Friday time! I'm going to cover three comments today. However, Marshall--yours will not be one of them. I think soon, though (:

I want to start off by saying I am becoming borderline obsessed with comments. This blog is my baby, and I am really interested in hearing how people are responding to it. I know people are reading, and I don't want you to be afraid to type some lines and tell me what's going through your head. So even if it's something like this, from my faithful reader Dana:

Wait...what happened to Wednesday?

Write it up and send it to me. Dana, to answer your question--I didn't make a post on Wednesday. Good eye, good eye.

Moving onto a comment that I received on my last follow-up friday post from my friend, Weezermonkey. Last week, there was a comment that asked me about all the other "minorities" that have pulled themselves up by their bootstraps. I asked who the person was referring to, and then asked my Asian-American readers how they liked constantly being referred to as the "model minority." This is part of what weezermonkey had to say.

To be honest, I don't mind being referred to as a "model minority." As far as labels go, it's a pretty good one.

I want to say thanks to weezermonkey for reminding me of an important lesson. When I asked that question, I was looking for someone to say something like the following, "being called the model minority sucks, because it puts too much pressure on me, makes people assume things about me, etc. etc." That's because those are my thoughts on the subject.

But, by thinking that I could predict what someone else's thoughts on the subject would be (particularly a person of color's,) I was going against one of the main points of this whole blog: that people of color have the right (like white people,) to be seen as individuals. We are multi-dimensional and do not all think the same way. I forgot that myself for a moment, and I want to give a shout out to weezermonkey for reminding me of it.

It's important for me to acknowledge that I still fall into these patterns, and I've been studying this stuff for years. I think this shows how ingrained our conditioning around issues of race and inequality really is, and how it is up to all of us to try and stay aware and recognize when we're falling into ways of thinking that are not constructive.

You can read more about my thoughts on this subject here, here and here. I would also encourage you to check out weezermoney's fabulous blog morefunthanabarrel about her fantastical food adventures in California.

Finally, a comment from your friend and mine--Anonymous. I'm kidding, I'm pretty sure all these Anonymous' are different people. Except when they tell me they're the same. Anyhoo, Anonymous left this comment on my post sharing my experiences with my thoughts around the clothes making the (wo)man:

sorry but this is just one thing that is not about race at all. i am white and i don't dress in sweats or sneaks when i go out of the house b/c i don't like to look dumpy. i like to present myself in a certain way. am i a shallow white person b/c of that? i grew up poorer than dirt to a single mom in an all white ghetto. i have made a very good life for myself and presenting my person a certain way is about pride. i'm not saying i look down on people in hoodies and sneaks because i don't but really? because i make an effort to never dress that way myself i send some kind of bad message? i really enjoy your blog but this whole post smacks of "i have nothing else to write about today."

oh, and i wear second hand clothes all the time. hell, some of the 2nd hand stuff i have is nicer than a lot of what i buy new b/c i can buy better brands used. another false/weird perception on your part this time around, i feel.

********************************************************************sorry but this is just one thing that is not about race at all.

Maybe not to you, but it is to me. I certainly get that people who aren't black can be concerned about wanting to consistently appear a certain way. That is part of why I asked the question at the end of the post, "How do you let people's potential negative assumptions about you inhibit your self-expression?" I knew that everyone could have some kind of answer to that, regardless of their race. That's also why I posted that Pretty Woman clip, I don't think there were any black people in that movie. The point that I was trying to make is that for me my hangups around this issue were related to my race. And it's not really your place to tell me whether or not my experience is valid. We are different people who've had different lives. Sometimes, we are going to perceive the same things differently--and that's ok. I would never want to negate the validity of your experience, and I would ask for the same respect from you.

i am white and i don't dress in sweats or sneaks when i go out of the house b/c i don't like to look dumpy.

What if you did go out of the house looking "dumpy"? Would that send some message about how people should treat you? If so, what message would that be?

i like to present myself in a certain way. am i a shallow white person b/c of that?

No, you aren't. In my original post the people that I referred to as "shallow" were the people who base the level of respect they give someone on how the person is dressed. Like the clerk in the movie. (Sidenote: I scoured youtube for the first clip where the saleswoman is all rude, to no avail.)

I would also offer to you the idea that if you are intent on never leaving the house without looking "presentable," (like I was,)you might want to take a look at where that comes from.

i grew up poorer than dirt to a single mom in an all white ghetto.

What messages did you receive growing up about what kind of people lived in all-white ghettos? How were people in your neighborhood treated by others around them; people of different races or economic classes? How did/do you feel about the people that you lived around when you were younger?

i have made a very good life for myself and presenting my person a certain way is about pride.

I think it's great that you have made a good life for yourself, I sincerely mean that. And I definitely can relate to using my external appearance to send a message to the world about how I feel inside. I think that can be a very valuable thing.

At the same time, I think pride (at its core,) has little to nothing to do with the clothes that we wear. Pride comes from within, and it should be there if we're wearing a paper bag with sewage on it, cinched at the waist with a frayed rope belt. I mean look at this guy:

Whenever I saw him on tv, he was always dressed in some fine articles of clothing. I know a thing or two about clothes, and I can guarantee you he wasn't buying his stuff at wal-mart. Yet, he felt so empty and worthless inside that he spent decades of his life engaged in a unimaginable deception. He screwed up the lives of countless people, and is most likely going to die alone in a prison cell. Those expensive suits aren't going to be much use to him there, and the fact that he wore them didn't tell us much about what kind of person he was.

i really enjoy your blog

Glad to hear it (: I'm also glad to know that you read it somewhat regularly, I really hope that you will share your feedback about my feedback.

but this whole post smacks of "i have nothing else to write about today."

That's unfortunate that you think that, I thought my original post was actually quite good. I said before that I have a list of topics that I can write about if there's nothing current event-y that I want to discuss, this topic was on that list. But hey, you are entitled to your opinion.

oh, and i wear second hand clothes all the time. hell, some of the 2nd hand stuff i have is nicer than a lot of what i buy new b/c i can buy better brands used. another false/weird perception on your part this time around, i feel.

Yeah, that's probably true. I tend to only buy vintage t-shits at secondhand stores, but I have heard that people can get some pretty nice stuff there.

So, that's it for today. Anonymous, like I said--I'd love to hear more of your thoughts. And to all of my other readers, thanks for taking time out of your day to check out what I have to say. If you leave me comments, it will make me happy (:

Thursday, April 23, 2009

I've been watching Saturday Night Live for about 25 years. Yeah, since I was 5. I created a theory about the show while watching Zac Efron the other week. The theory is as follows...

If the host plays him or herself in that night's episode, that host is as not as talented an actor as someone who does not play him or herself.

I haven't seen any of the High School Musical franchise, so I am not very familiar with Zac's work. But I'd say I was pleasantly surprised by his performance. One of my favorite sketches was the one where he played Kathy Lee Gifford's son.

Contrast this with Seth Rogen. I've actually seen several of the movies that he has been in. I think it just took me awhile to figure out that he is just not that good at what he does. This was confirmed after watching him host SNL--he was just wasn't very funny.

But I noticed that he played himself, and SNL often has athletes and other non-actor types play themselves in sketches. If you think about it, they've got 90 minutes to fill. It would make sense for five or so minutes of that time to have a mediocre host play himself, because really--how hard is that to screw up?

Sidenote: There are exceptions to every rule. Neil Patrick Harris played himself, and we all know he is an acting dynamo. When is he going to get his own show? That's what I want to know.

Ok, back to Seth. Seth has a new movie out called Observe and Report . It's about a mall cop. How they got two mall cop movies out within months of each other is beyond me. I want you to watch the trailer below, and play close attention to the relationship between the main character and the blonde woman. Be warned that this is the restricted trailer, so it has bad words in it. You should also not watch it if you are under 17, unless you are being accompanied on the computer by an adult.

First off, let me say that this looks like one of the funnier movies Seth has been in. I tend to be a fan of darker comedies, and this seems to be more in that vein.

There was a fair amount of controversy though, about the scene where he is in bed with his date near the end of the trailer. What were your thoughts after watching it?

This is what I think...

Do I think this scene is supposed to be a joke? Yes.Do I think Seth Rogen has ever date raped anyone? Probably not.Do I think that scenes like this one, combined with other messages that we receive in popular culture contribute to a climate where some guys think it's okay to have sexual contact with semi-conscious/unconscious women? Most definitely.

I read an interview with Rogen about the scene and he said something like what "made it ok" is the part where she says, "Why are you stopping?" because that qualifies as consent. I have to say I just chuckled while writing that. I really don't think that would qualify, because we can see that this chick is totally wasted.

Should she have gotten so hammered since she knows that would make her more vulnerable? No.

But that's like seeing a drunk person passed out on the street and reaching into his jacket and stealing his wallet. Would you do that? I would hope not.

Do I think they should cut the scene from the movie? Not if the director doesn't want to, because it's his artistic vision.

Will this scene being in the movie make me boycott it? No, I don't think so. If there is any reason for me not to go see it, it's because of my bad history with Mr. Rogen. It's like George W. says, "Fool me twice--something or other."

But do I think that the scene is questionable enough that we should all think critically about it and what it means for our society?

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

There was a time in my younger days when I would talk to some of my white friends and they would say some variation of this statement: "I don't judge people on their skin color, I judge them by the way they dress." Let me share how attitudes like this affected me for much of my life.

I rarely wore t-shirts or hoodies. The only time you'd see me in sweatpants or tennis shoes was when I was on my way to engage in some strenuous physical activity. I was always very conscious of what I wore, lest I represent my fellow black and brown people in an unflattering light. There was a black girl that I went to college with, who always dressed like she was going to church: dress, stockings, jewlery--the whole nine. I never talked to her about this, but I often wondered if she was working from the same place that I was: needing to represent herself and the other members of her race in a positive way.

I remember another time in college when I was in a Sociology class and we were talking about ways that we could all reduce our consumption/ impact on the environment. Two of the suggestions were "take public transportation" and "wear secondhand clothes." I remember raising my hand and saying something like, "These wouldn't work for me because what are white people going to think if they see a black woman on the bus wearing secondhand clothes?" I think I added having two little kids with me on said bus, because I was already thinking about the future (:

black woman + old clothes + bus ≠ well meaning hippie trying to do her part to save the world.

It was like my skin was already an indicator to many people of these things that were not positive, and if I wanted to have a chance at being treated with respect, I better make a conscious effort to show why I was worthy of receiving it. This is an example of internalized racism.

It wasn't until several years later that I realized I was worthy of receiving respect because I was a human being. And that people who judged me (or anyone else for that matter,) on how they dressed were shallow and insecure. So these days, I wear the occasional hoodie. I wear my sneaks even if I'm not headed to the gym. Hell, sometimes I don't even comb my hair. Because I have learned that if someone reacts negatively to me because of these choices, the problem lies with them--not me.

I'll leave you with one of my favorite-ist movie clips of all time. And I want to ask you the question: How do you let people's potential negative assumptions about you inhibit your self-expression?

Monday, April 20, 2009

It's Monday time! Which means it's Music time! This week's selection is Blame it by Jaime Foxx featuring T-Pain. I actually picked this song for the video, not the lyrics so I'm not including those this week. So press that little triangle below, and watch closely.

What's different about this video? We've got the furry, which is somewhat cutting edge. But even more cutting edge are the two white guys: Ron Howard, and the delicious and nutritious Jake Gyllenhaal.

Now, we've all seen white guys in black guys' videos before. However, the white guys are usually doing some combination of the following : 1) playing golf 2) being the evil, money hungry record executive 3) Dancing poorly 4) Living in the suburbs 5) Generally being uncool.

This video is different because the white guys in it are doing none of those things. There just there, chillaxin' like everybody else.

I think we should have a lot more videos like this one. Don't you agree?

Friday, April 17, 2009

Thursday, April 16, 2009

So after I made this post, I got some important feedback privately which compelled me to write this post today.

This blog is intended to be about all forms of inequality, about the wide variety of -ism's that people can experience in their daily lives. Most of the posts have been (and most likely will continue to be,) about inequality related to race, because that is the factor that is most salient in my own life.

However, I also want this to be a space where I can highlight issues that at first glance, might not seem to have much to do with me. Because if there is anything that a person learns when doing this kind of work, it's that these groady -isms are all connected.

It's like Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. once said, "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."

I hate the word "blacks" almost as much as the word, "N----r". Until you stop thinking of yoursel as a black, and start thinking of yourself as another productive member of society, others will never do the same.I know that your ancestors suffered great oppression. Get over it! Look around at those of every race who have pulled theirselves up by their bootstraps. Don't continue to dredge up radicals like Malcolm X, and yet at the same time think that we will all somehow get over our rediculous racial barriers. Promote education and hard work over welfare. (Surely you know how important it is.) Some of my dearest friends are black, but I rarely think of them as that until someone like you pulls out their "repression card."Do you think that by yelling "prejudice" that you are not also screaming "hatred"? Get over it, and we will all be able to?At the same time I say this to you, I also speak out to those who would harbor unjustified prejudices. I send them the same message, "Get over it!"Now, with all of that being said, I will say this in defense of some. (at least in my experiences) In southern cities the highest crime areas and unsafest areas are almost always in the black neighborhoods. The majority of crimes against blacks are committed by blacks. We, as a society should stop segregating ourselves and reach out with love to one another. There comes a time when screaming about injustices is not the right thing to do. At some point, all of us should become pro-active in cleaning around our area of the kingdom, and join forces instead of pointing fingers. As long as we think of ourselves as black or white, we will never be genuinely unified.

You have not posted the comment I made to you yesterday. It must have struck a nerve with you. Ask yourself, if you are willing to share all views, or are you just trying to be a heroine to all of the others that see themselves so oppressed because of what happened to their ancestors in the distant past. Get over it!I had hoped that your blog was a truthful sharing of views. Are you afraid of the truth?Are you afraid to share descenting views? Obviously, not! I feel sorry for those that refuse to go on with life without preconceived ideas, and bitterness, especially when they they are the downtrodden with a masters degree. I am disappointed in you.

Anonymous, you should know that I posted both of these comments as soon as they showed up in my inbox. I am wondering if since the first one was posted in a seemingly unexpected place, that's why you couldn't find it when you came back to look for it?

I hate the word "blacks" almost as much as the word, "N----r".

What makes you say that? What do those two words mean to you? Do you hate the word white as much as you hate the word blacks?

Until you stop thinking of yoursel as a black, and start thinking of yourself as another productive member of society, others will never do the same.

I didn't realize it was an either/or proposition. Can't I be black and a productive member of society? If not, why not?

I know that your ancestors suffered great oppression. Get over it!

By "great oppression," do you mean 300 years of slavery followed by another 100 years of Jim Crow? During which time white Americans were gaining immeasurable amounts of wealth from the underpaid/unpaid forced labor of black Americans? And which at it's conclusion black people were "set free" with no education, no money and facing intense discrimination at pretty much every turn?

Yeah, I'm working on it.

Look around at those of every race who have pulled theirselves up by their bootstraps.

Like who, Asian people? Can I take a detour and ask some of my Asian-American readers how they like being constantly referred to as the "model minority"?

Here are just two reasons why the "bootstrap" argument has it's own specific set of challenges when dealing with black people.

First, one common way that some immigrants "make it" in this society is by going into highly specialized niche markets. This way it everyone can get familiar with the business model, and each new owner can lean on the expertise that the previous owners have. There are way more black people than there are Asian people, so it would be very difficult for black people to follow that model. Can you imagine 30 million black people trying to open say, ice cream shops? There is not the market demand to support such an undertaking.

Second, our legal immigration policy definitely is skewed towards people with education and money. That's why you hear so much about people who were doctors in their "home country" coming to America and driving cabs. Even if you can't be a doctor in the U.S., anyone who can make it through all that schooling clearly has many of the values that can make one successful (hard work, determination, sacrifice, etc.) and so you have a better chance of "making it" once you get here.

Don't continue to dredge up radicals like Malcolm X

Anonymous, have you read The Autobiography of Malcolm X ? Or seen the fantastic movie, Malcolm X directed by Spike Lee and starring Denzel Washington? If you had, you would know that Malcolm X renounced his most "radical" views before his untimely death in 1965.

Promote education and hard work over welfare

Nowhere on this blog have I "promoted welfare." In terms of education--I've been in school 19 years of my life, I think it is pretty safe to say I am riding in the first car on the "education is good" train.

Some of my dearest friends are black, but I rarely think of them as that until someone like you pulls out their "repression card."

Really? You don't notice their darker skin pretty much every time you look at them? Huh. My husband is 6'7", and I notice that pretty much every day because that's like, a foot taller than me, and he's got to duck when he goes a lot of places. Read more about my thoughts on "I don't notice people's skin color" here.

Do you think that by yelling "prejudice" that you are not also screaming "hatred"?

I'm not really sure what you mean by this. I don't think prejudice and hatred are the same thing. I think that we have been conditioned to have certain prejudices, and we can control how we respond to them with a reasonable amount of work. I don't hate anyone. I think hating people makes your insides die and gives you cancer.

At the same time I say this to you, I also speak out to those who would harbor unjustified prejudices. I send them the same message, "Get over it!"Now, with all of that being said, I will say this in defense of some. (at least in my experiences) In southern cities the highest crime areas and unsafest areas are almost always in the black neighborhoods.

I think it's telling that you spend one sentence of both of your comments chastising whites and then in the very next sentence go on to "defend" those with what you see as justified predjudices. Who then, are the people with unjustified prejudices? Also, what exactly does having a justifiable predjudice justify?

Get over it, and we will all be able to?

Like I said, I'm working on it. It is a process that takes a lot of time and conscious energy, because it is a very depressing part of history. I would also like to invite you to work on getting over your hatred of the word "black," and the idea that people have "justifiable predjudices" towards black people because black neighborhoods are higher crime neighborhoods.

It is not just my responsibility to get over it, or just your responsibility to get over it. I know from my work as a counselor, that you have to acknowledge pain to truly heal from it. Having someone repeatedly exclaim "Get over it! Get over it!" is not constructive.

We all have work to do. I am willing to do mine. Are you willing to do yours?

We, as a society should stop segregating ourselves and reach out with love to one another.

I totally agree. You want to know one of my most favorite quotes, Anonymous?

"We must love one another or die" W.H. Auden

Epic, no?

There comes a time when screaming about injustices is not the right thing to do.

True, and there also comes a time when acting like the realities of today don't exist and the horrors of the past never happened are not the right things to do, either.

As long as we think of ourselves as black or white, we will never be genuinely unified.

I don't believe we all have to meld into one beige, monocultural mass in order to be unified. Wouldn't that be boring as all get out? We can celebrate the things that make us different as human beings, while at the same time celebrating the things that make us all the same as human beings--what is so wrong with that?

If there are no comments after this long butt post--I am going to be shocked.

About Me

Hello, I'm the mastermind behind myblackfriendsays.com. I am a 35 year-old black woman with a Masters degree in Multicultural Counseling, an (expired) Mensa membership card, and a freakishly large knowledge of all things pop culture.
I started this blog because I love talking about race and inequality, and I bet more people would love talking about them too--if they weren't so afraid someone was going to punch them in the stomach for saying the wrong thing. This is a place to get people thinking, get people talking, and most importantly, to eventually get people doing things that will help us make real progress when it comes to the subjects of race and inequality in America.

If you would like to contact me for any reason (fan mail, hate mail, multimedia development deal,) you can email me: myblackfriend atmyblackfriendsaysdotcom.
Thanks for stopping by, and I hope to see you again soon.