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Sinnick on "Hit men to target escaped town planners"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=84998#post-246480
Tue, 30 Dec 2014 18:57:26 +0000Sinnick246480@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Congrats, you got a NiB
</p>Sinnick on "Hit men to target escaped town planners"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=84998#post-246366
Mon, 29 Dec 2014 10:48:50 +0000Sinnick246366@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Welcome aboard, newbie ! Not that we're on a ship, obviously. Wish I hadn't said that now.</p>
<p>5* for a great &amp; noble sub, and Ted's suggestion is a good one for the price of a hat-tip.</p>
<p>I think current planners should be included too. Not that I'm unhappy about my former next-door neighbour being allowed to build a 2-floor extension right across the boundary, blocking all light to my kitchen - and there's a hint of something inappropriate going on. No, not unhappy at all.
</p>godly1966 on "Hit men to target escaped town planners"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=84998#post-246365
Mon, 29 Dec 2014 10:45:43 +0000godly1966246365@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>nice
</p>throngsman on "Hit men to target escaped town planners"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=84998#post-246364
Mon, 29 Dec 2014 10:40:40 +0000throngsman246364@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Like it. stars
</p>Ted King on "Hit men to target escaped town planners"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=84998#post-246362
Mon, 29 Dec 2014 09:26:31 +0000Ted King246362@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Very good, and a worthwhile cause. What the Luftwaffe didn't destroy, the town planners did, so hunting them down for sport would be my preferred option.
</p>deceangli on "Hit men to target escaped town planners"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=84998#post-246320
Sun, 28 Dec 2014 13:36:49 +0000deceangli246320@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Spiffing. stars.
</p>Nick Warren on "Hit men to target escaped town planners"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=84998#post-246319
Sun, 28 Dec 2014 13:31:10 +0000Nick Warren246319@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Hit men to target town planners</p>
<p>Now that their hunt for Nazi refugees has drawn to a close Mossad has offered to track down escaped town planners from the 1960s.</p>
<p>Leader of Southampton Council, Wayne Osborne, said, “The town planners wreaked greater damage on Southampton than all the Luftwaffe raids combined. The main culprit, Nigel Williams, fled to Argentina and is believed to be using an assumed identity and living quietly as a llama farmer. The time has come to track these miscreants down and bring them to justice. “</p>
<p>Mossad agents will be paid by results if they bring the escaped planners back to face the courts. “We try to take them alive but we anticipate that many will prefer summary execution to the rough justice which awaits them in the UK. Accidents can be arranged,” added their spokesman, darkly.</p>
<p>In response Birmingham councillors are said to be considering taking out a sizeable contract on those responsible for the Bullring and New Street station. A spokesman said, “The bombing of Coventry was as nothing to the hideous damage inflicted by Chief Planning Officer Bonkers who condemned generations of Brummies to living underground like trolls and scurrying through endless concrete subways. We believe the man responsible is living in quiet retirement in the Amazon under the name of Martin Bormann. Time is running out. Mossad’s rates are pretty reasonable and we believe they will deliver good value for money for Council Tax payers.”</p>
<p>Other cities, including Sheffield, Nottingham and Manchester are reported to be drawing up hit lists of their own.
</p>GingerClive on "Facebook exclusive scares the shit out of brummies"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=73210#post-214541
Sat, 08 Mar 2014 12:17:11 +0000GingerClive214541@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>A report, kept confidential by British authorities for fear of Brummies fleeing the city and inflicting their accent on the rest of the country, has been leaked in a thinly veiled message on facebook's trending topics.</p>
<p>"Malaysian Airlines loses contact with jet, world's top dogs descending on Birmingham" was disguised by being split into the top two topics, but Brummies are now heading for Tamworth, or if more adventurous Weston Super Mare, and hoping Aston takes the hit.
</p>custard cream on "Pre-conference bender leaves Osborne with ‘spider’s web’ face tattoo"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142377
Mon, 08 Oct 2012 18:19:06 +0000custard cream142377@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Brilliant! max. stars!
</p>reforse on "Pre-conference bender leaves Osborne with ‘spider’s web’ face tattoo"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142356
Mon, 08 Oct 2012 15:18:07 +0000reforse142356@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>5* for the Leon Brittan line
</p>button on "Pre-conference bender leaves Osborne with ‘spider’s web’ face tattoo"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142329
Mon, 08 Oct 2012 12:54:20 +0000button142329@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Love this Dusty
</p>DustyBinLaden on "Pre-conference bender leaves Osborne with ‘spider’s web’ face tattoo"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142328
Mon, 08 Oct 2012 12:46:05 +0000DustyBinLaden142328@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>pinxit that is awesome. What's really brilliant is that if you cross Gove with Pink you get Deborah Meaden
</p>Midfield Diamond on "Pre-conference bender leaves Osborne with ‘spider’s web’ face tattoo"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142317
Mon, 08 Oct 2012 11:28:21 +0000Midfield Diamond142317@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Some great lines in this, and the spiders' web on the face tattoo would make a great pic, even if the idea has been used before - I'm pretty sure a suitably-edited version of this made NiB: <a href="http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34444" rel="nofollow">http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34444</a></p>
<p>(There was a bloke down the fairground where I worked with such a tattoo, so I can't claim it was wholly my idea)
</p>pinxit on "Pre-conference bender leaves Osborne with ‘spider’s web’ face tattoo"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142308
Mon, 08 Oct 2012 10:50:14 +0000pinxit142308@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Good stuff. Plenty of scope for pix... tho' it doesn't really need any.</p>
<p>As for Gove... well, there's plenty of depths there to explore.</p>
<p>Did you know he'd released a 'Pink' tribute album? Here it is from a couple of weeks ago...</p>
<p><img src="http://i830.photobucket.com/albums/zz223/pinxit2/Satire/pinky_GOVE.jpg"></p>
<p>Stars.
</p>dvo4fun on "Pre-conference bender leaves Osborne with ‘spider’s web’ face tattoo"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142302
Mon, 08 Oct 2012 10:17:43 +0000dvo4fun142302@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Sadly, I only just got the 'GOVE'/'LOVE' bit of "‘GOVE’ and ‘HATE’":
</p>moanygit on "Pre-conference bender leaves Osborne with ‘spider’s web’ face tattoo"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142270
Mon, 08 Oct 2012 08:21:04 +0000moanygit142270@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>"‘GOVE’ and ‘HATE’":</p>
<p>...superb.
</p>DustyBinLaden on "Pre-conference bender leaves Osborne with ‘spider’s web’ face tattoo"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142181
Sun, 07 Oct 2012 18:21:29 +0000DustyBinLaden142181@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Please don't shout.
</p>The Secret Cabal on "Pre-conference bender leaves Osborne with ‘spider’s web’ face tattoo"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142038
Sat, 06 Oct 2012 16:21:34 +0000The Secret Cabal142038@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>YOU ARE NOW A MEMBER OF THE CABAL. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOU HAVE BEEN ...(what was that? stimulated? who the fuck are the borg? Oh)...ASSIMILATED.
</p>dvo4fun on "Pre-conference bender leaves Osborne with ‘spider’s web’ face tattoo"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142032
Sat, 06 Oct 2012 15:40:11 +0000dvo4fun142032@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Made me laugh Dusty esp "Weirdly though, when she sits down it looks like Leon Brittan is trying to climb out of her trousers."
</p>Anonymous on "Pre-conference bender leaves Osborne with ‘spider’s web’ face tattoo"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-141984
Sat, 06 Oct 2012 11:29:26 +0000Anonymous141984@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Lovely job, that's a brilliant punch line.
</p>DustyBinLaden on "Pre-conference bender leaves Osborne with ‘spider’s web’ face tattoo"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-141977
Sat, 06 Oct 2012 11:15:14 +0000DustyBinLaden141977@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>A regrettable night on the razz has left Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne sporting a massive spider’s web tattoo on his face, just a day before he presents the country’s headline economic strategy at the Tory conference. Michael Gove will deliver his keynote address with “The poor don’t need no education” scribed on his forehead.</p>
<p>The incident-filled night out in central Birmingham has left many of the senior cabinet members, coalition ‘friends’ and media politicos with regrettable inkage, including the words ‘GOVE’ and ‘HATE’ on Vince Cable’s knuckles and ‘Dave’s Biaaaatch’ on Nick Clegg’s left buttock.</p>
<p>Commenting on his tattoo, Mr Osborne said: ‘This, this… thing on my face, it’s… well, let’s see now… It’s about doing everything in my power, my Spidey power… yes, that’s it. I will use every sinew of my Spidey power… Nope. Something about representing the main strands of my economic dream for the nation? How does that sound?’ At which point, the Chancellor broke down. ‘Bollocks. Bollocks. Bollocks. I am fucked. I am properly, properly fucked,’ he sobbed. </p>
<p>An aide then led Mr Osborne gently from the room. </p>
<p>Mr Gove, on the other hand, appears unrepentant and even rather proud of his tat. He’s been seen prodding it angrily with his finger and saying to people ‘See that? That’s what I’m fucking talking about.’</p>
<p>Theresa May now has an epic ‘tramp stamp’ on her lower back, comprising an elaborate HR Giger-style biomechanical landscape, heavy on fetishistic sexual activity between humanoid aliens and futuristic machinery.</p>
<p>‘Yeah, that didn’t really work,’ said Home Office minister James Brokenshire. ‘Too complex. Weirdly though, when she sits down it looks like Leon Brittan is trying to climb out of her trousers.’</p>
<p>In an ironic twist, Sky presenter Kay Burley actually cried for the first time in her life after waking up to discover that two blue tears had been tattooed on her face, falling gently from her left eye. There are rumours that these were scribed some time before the night out, under direct instruction from Rupert Murdoch.</p>
<p>Perhaps one of the most surprising revelations came when two strippers dressed as police officers playfully removed Andrew Mitchell’s clothes in the lobby of the Hyatt Regency hotel, whereupon it was discovered that Mitchell has long been tattooed from neck to ankle in tweed.</p>
<p>Prime Minister David Cameron escaped a piece of permanent skin art, although not for want of trying. Tattooist Danny Brown said: ‘He asked for a heart and the name Richard Clayderman on his cheek, but I just couldn’t get the ink to stay on. It was like trying to tattoo an uncooked Poundland sausage.’</p>
<p><em>Hat tip to waylandsmithy</em>
</p>medici2471 on "MP Hemming's Cox Pussy Snatch Shock"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31138#post-93231
Fri, 28 Oct 2011 12:20:55 +0000medici247193231@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>suspenders sentence
</p>medici2471 on "MP Hemming's Cox Pussy Snatch Shock"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31138#post-87786
Wed, 28 Sep 2011 11:30:38 +0000medici247187786@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>thanks, yes, RIP DC
</p>Clarky on "MP Hemming's Cox Pussy Snatch Shock"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31138#post-87739
Wed, 28 Sep 2011 08:21:46 +0000Clarky87739@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Nice one. Mrs Slocombe's creator would have approved.
</p>medici2471 on "MP Hemming's Cox Pussy Snatch Shock"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31138#post-87733
Wed, 28 Sep 2011 08:13:55 +0000medici247187733@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>the trial continues....
</p>Kazytc on "Police Spy on Muslims Curries"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=13514#post-36714
Tue, 05 Oct 2010 23:32:34 +0000Kazytc36714@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>West Midlands police, have been forced to apologise to Muslims living in several suburbs of Birmingham UK, for spying on them using 2,000 newly erected CCTV camera's, all strategically placed, to watch how curries are cooked, in the residents kitchens.</p>
<p>Police manning the camera's, were tasked with the job of trying to identify the type of curry each resident was cooking, in a bid to set up a rival curry house chain of restaurants, throughout the area.</p>
<p>One angry resident of by name of Gita Lod-a Diss, living in Ruby MurrayRuby Murray Street, in the suburb of Spark-trouble, noticed the CCTV camera zooming in on her, as she nipped into her kitchen, half clothed to check on a curry she was cooking, whilst dressing in advance of expected guests.</p>
<p>Whilst another resident by the name of Causer Chipatti, living in Korma Street in the suburb of Washed-out, was distressed to find a camera was zooming right in on her, as she bent over to get something out of her oven, causing her to feel intruded upon.</p>
<p>A residents meeting was called by the Muslims in these two areas, headed by Dinash Cookabati ,whose wife was also abused when a CCTV camera, zoomed in on her breasts, instead of the chicken breasts she was cooking, and made her feel abused.</p>
<p>Din-ash Cook-a-bati ,took the residents case to the MP for the area, Mr Sham Bum-farti, and a complaint was then lodged with the Chief Constable of West Midlands Police and also Birmingham City Council.</p>
<p>A full investigation into the complaint was then carried out, and this has revealed that 70% of the residents cooked Bin-to-the-loo curry, whilst 10% cooked Bin-the-army curry, 10% cooked Bomb-a-gay Curry, 5% cooked Romer -Kosh Curry and a further 5% cooked Bail-me Curry.</p>
<p>Other statistics revealed by the investigation, show that 70% of residents cooked whilst wearing Sari's, 15% show that residents cooked whilst half clothed, 5% cooked whilst naked between showering and cooking, 5% cooked in nightclothes, and the final 5% cooked in underwear only.</p>
<p>Muslims in the two affected areas, are said to be irate at these statistics, as they believe that they paint them in a bad light, and show a racial prejudice, toward favouring Bin-to-the-loo Curry, and the wearing of Saris for cooking in.</p>
<p>A Muslim revolt is now underway, to force the West Midlands Police and Birmingham City Council to remove these cameras, and a class action against the police and the council has been launched, in order to achieve and injunction, to prevent the police and Birmingham City Council opening rival curry houses.</p>
<p>We shall of course keep you updated on this story.
</p>sauce on "Brown unveils new list of promises to break"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2417#post-7238
Tue, 13 Apr 2010 05:36:35 +0000sauce7238@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Has he promised he'll promise?
</p>Mrblacker on "Brown unveils new list of promises to break"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2417#post-7185
Mon, 12 Apr 2010 19:46:20 +0000Mrblacker7185@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>possibly......
</p>edward hack on "Brown unveils new list of promises to break"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2417#post-7155
Mon, 12 Apr 2010 15:53:14 +0000edward hack7155@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Are you saying he might not actually keep his promise this time?
</p>Mrblacker on "Brown unveils new list of promises to break"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2417#post-7136
Mon, 12 Apr 2010 14:10:24 +0000Mrblacker7136@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Major reforms to the House of Lords, a global levy on banks and a pledge not to increase income tax have been revealed by Gordon Brown as just some of the promises he says he'll try not to keep if returned as Prime Minister.</p>
<p>Launching his party's manifesto in Birmingham, he told supporters and the media that if Labour's voted in on May the 6th, he'll set about keeping his promise to forget everything he says he'll do.</p>
<p>"I want to be crystal clear about this" he said. "We are not about doing things that will be difficult. The hardest thing a politician can do is to keep his promises. Therefore I pledge that if you let me have another go at the job, this time without voting for someone else, I promise that I can let you all down in my own right."</p>
<p>The plea went down well with supporters in the hall, with some activists openly weeping at the power of the Prime Minister's convictions.</p>
<p>"Number one in my list of priorities is for us not to increase taxation. Therefore I promise that if we're return, we'll restore the public's faith in politics by breaking that rule straight of of the gates."</p>
<p>In response, The Conservatives accused Labour of stealing David Cameron's policy, while Nick Clegg told anyone who'll listen that the bigger parties have been mean to him and if they're not nicer he'll take his rosette and go home,
</p>