Pages

Sunday, May 7, 2017

Kind - Redefining the word to Live - Day 552

I desire to be a kind person, someone who is supportive for others and gives a solid effort to make others feel secure and it being a genuine interaction. So there is a desire to be kind but in myself i don’t feel kind, i feel off, bad, not good enough, like i am a fraud and i feel like i can never be kind, good, and best.

"friendly, deliberately doing good to others," Middle English kinde, from Old English (ge)cynde "natural, native, innate," originally "with the feeling of relatives for each other," from Proto-Germanic *kundi- "natural, native," from *kunjam "family" (see kin), with collective or generalizing prefix *ga- and abstract suffix *-iz. The word rarely appeared in Old English without the prefix, but Old English also had it as a word-forming element -cund "born of, of a particular nature" (see kind (n.)). Sense development probably is from "with natural feelings," to "well-disposed" (c. 1300), "benign, compassionate, loving, full of tenderness" (c. 1300).

I see that i desire this thus believe that i am not this, and thus there is a slight belief that i can not be this as i believe that i am inherently not kind but evil

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be evil and not good and thus when i want to live the word kind it’s false as i am not this inherently.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i am inherently not a good person or an evil person and thus believe that i can not be then kind when i see, realize, and understand it’s not about what i think of myself, but who and how i in fact live in the moment here in what i can create as myself instead of moving into a form of self hatred and self sabotage.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my efforts within my living, believing myself to be not good enough or evil and so within the mistakes i have made in my life, hold that against myself forever more so i never actually truly forgive myself, but hold onto the energy that i am not good enough.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe the thoughts that i am bad and evil, when in reality, i am ok and decent as i do move myself in the physical to correct myself and learn from myself and so in the moment i do my best to learn and grow which is being kind to myself and others as i become better.

Positive Placement:

The positive of this word is where i am kind and make others feel good, and within that gain compliments from them and thus use this as a way to boost myself and my ego of experiencing myself as more then, superior, and thus become enlightened in a way feeling lighter then i did a moment before as i have been lifted by the comment and thus associate kind with getting something positive out of it like a comment or a nice gesture back.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be kind to others based on a desire to get something in return as i have become addicted to the positive feelings of comfort and belonging and supported and within this create a experience of myself as being included and through that fuel that polarity of being excluded and thus a loser and when i am included feel good, popular and secure.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be seen by others as included, popular and thus do acts of kindness to get this stand within my peer group or those i am with to be able to stand on good terms with them and thus have more of an ability to be secure and safe in my enviroment because i have deemed the world is unsafe and will fuck me up if i don’t have security.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into fearing the world and the instability in the world as i have accepted and allowed myself to fear it within myself, and so ignore it, judge it as bad, and suppress it and use positivity as good feelings to distract myself from what is actually real within me as the hell that i have been living within but ignoring as well as the hell that is in this world that i have been living within but ignoring with positive things such as family, compliments, and ego as group popularity.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go a step further within this design of fear and protection where i have deemed others who are not in this group as popular or cool based on specific looks and behaviors as bad, not good people, ignorant, and losers when in reality i am fearing to be placed in that group and thus fear the abuse i have received equally so as i am doing to those that are not in the popular/cool group and thus perpetuate the separation of myself within myself through fearing being there and thus running away from it and separating myself from others by labeling them and comparing myself to them, and using experiences such as a feeling of being cool and popular through using kindness as a way to get in and so i can be secure and safe from these judgments and abuses that i have done onto others and so equally done onto myself and thus fear and separate myself from so it doesn't happen to me and i can ignore it as if it doesn't exist, this only fucking myself and all life as it's not real and consequential very much so.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the word kind as a way to keep my limitations in place as fear of people and fear of abuse, and so please people with kindness so i am secure with them and leave behind all those who don’t fit in this cool group or are kind and allow abuse and harm to be done onto them because i myself accept and allow it within my world and myself as i fear it and thus create it and keep it in place by doing nothing to stop it, understand it, and thus find solutions for it.

I commit myself to use the word kind as a way to check in with myself and see who i am within my mind, am i accepting and allowing separation as this fear of judgment and abuse or am i facing myself, my fears, understanding them beyond the energy, and finding solutions that are best for all.

i commit myself to release this fear through living the word here, understanding as i get to the root of what is here as the issue/problem within self and so within others and walk solutions that will be best for all.

i commit myself to live the word inclusion where i stand to include all as self as i walk here seeing all as life and within that the potential of the best that can be lived as i practice living this inclusion equally with myself.

I commit myself to live the word physical as i see all as substance, life, and stand within myself as this realizing i am walking a process of correction and realignment within myself as my mind from separation into the physical equal and one and this is a process, yet what remains is life here and is equal and one within all as self.

I commit myself to live my words within and without until i am here and it is done.

Re-definition of the word Kind:

Kind - i have redefined as a know thy (i) self as the mind - where i within myself understand who i am within the actions i walk as a being in this world, and through that understanding, alignment to what is best through self forgiveness, and living my correction through living words that are supportive of what is best, that process being walked will create a being that is kind as i know myself, my mind, and thus am able to support others in this process of understanding, correction, and alignment back to life through living words, which is what real kindness is, bringing life back to life as and through self’s living example in what is best for all.

For more on how to walk the process of becoming physical and doing what is best, check out the links below.