What's on tap:

THE TWITTER COLLECTION …

Wanted to buy a quarter horse but they told me they’d only sell the entire horse.— Dirk Dachs (@SoapyJohnson) December 20, 2013
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Oh shit ... I let Jesus take the wheel and it looks like he's driving me to the liquor store again.— Dirk Dachs (@SoapyJohnson) September 25, 2013
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People think Ted Kennedy was careless and insensitive leaving the scene at Chappaquiddick but they forget just how much he loved that car.
— Dirk Dachs (@SoapyJohnson) July 16, 2013
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It sucks when you're all geared up for NHL hockey, then see how Khloe Kardashian is so far ahead of you with her playoff beard.
— Dirk Dachs (@SoapyJohnson) April 12, 2012
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Announcer: "And now for a sideline report, let's check in with Joe Theismann with an update on his prostate."
— Dirk Dachs (@SoapyJohnson) March 9, 2013
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According to People magazine, Gwyneth Paltrow is World's Most Beautiful Woman. Second most beautiful? Gwyneth Paltrow's publicist.— Dirk Dachs (@SoapyJohnson) April 25, 2013
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Any time a guy plays a saxophone solo, my natural inclination is to tap the shoulder of the person next to me and say, "fucker can blow!"— Dirk Dachs (@SoapyJohnson) July 29, 2012
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It's been brought to my attention that the only time I scream the name "Jesus" is when I'm in process of spilling a beer.— Dirk Dachs (@SoapyJohnson) August 8, 2012
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