“Seeking submissive sluts to torture in my basement. Strict assignment without the possibility of grace. Preferably from Halland.”

“Seeking submissive sluts to torture in my basement. Strict assignment without the possibility of grace. Preferably from Halland.”

While everyone else is either lying about not jacking off to those American Apparel lawsuit pics or pretending to send money to Japan Charlie Sheen, other folks have gotten pretty buck in the interim. Take the 47-year-old Swedish gentleman who was just arrested on the suspicion of kidnapping based on him placing the ad above. While the advert was on an online sex forum that specializes in such, he’s going through his own form of due process thanks to cops coming across some pretty suspicious looking shit that would probably get anyone else killed on the way to the jail.

Two hobbyist shutterbugs came across this house while scouting potential locations and decided to enter it.

While this type of behavior is almost ALWAYS guaranteed to end in missing faces, severed fingers and crying, fuck it. It’s Sweden. There are more people in L.A. County than in the whole expanse of Sweden. Besides, I don’t think they had after-school specials showcasing the wonders of abduction and kidnapping. You don’t believe me, go watch A Swedish Love Story.

Anyways, they walked into this house in the middle of nowhere and started looking for stuff to photograph, when they noticed a gap in the kitchen floorboards. Using the camera’s flash to illuminate the hole, they looked through and saw something weird. Eventually finding an opening, they came across a squalid little basement space and this scene:

While there are lots of handy restraints and a dirty little mattress, that could mean anything. The clincher is the stash of used adult diapers, masks, ropes, handcuffs and feeding tubes that were connected to various bottles.

One woman in her 30s came forth and said that she was one of the people who answered the ad (and presumably was trapped in the basement), but no one could identify the person who posted the ad for like, 3 weeks. Eventually found, his initial argument was, while he did place the above ad in December of 2010, he removed it shortly thereafter. The site is supposedly a “demonstration site” and he assured the press that he does not “own a torture chamber.”

The police ruled the situation probable enough cause to arrest him. Once apprehended, the cops marveled at how calm he was during his interrogation. This is easy to understand because:

1. HE’S STUPID AS FUCK: like, to the point of having a gold brick-sized tumor in his head. This would explain why he didn’t leave town / the country / Scandinavia or at least dismantle his little pleasure pen before he moved out of the house, if it IS actually his house. Even though the facade looked dilapidated, it’s not burnt to the ground. People who have enough wits to construct some elaborate shit like this should be smart enough to get rid of it when the party’s over.

2. HE’S SATAN: Usually guilty people are the most chill in scenarios like this because they finally got caught. If he insists that he committed no crime and is innocent, he would have whipped his way out of the jail via sympathetic law representation. If he was a rich pervert, we would have never heard of this case since it would have gotten buried. Since the cops aren’t willing to disclose the woman’s testimony, we have to assume that he is the devil. Sweden is not a place known for giving a fuck about wild sexual behavior, so he must have done some really deep shit and is beyond the reach of the law, as the devil would be.

They have DNA evidence (piles of adult diapers and feeding tubes waiting to be scraped, among other things), a suspect, a plaintiff and a (potential) crime scene. The only thing that is missing is a verdict, and this is supposed to come on Friday.

The weird thing about all of this is that he actually could be innocent. I mean, he placed an ad on a sex forum asking for explicit favors and someone answered it. The police didn’t arrest him at the house and, most importantly, the initial tip wasn’t from a ghost. This means the person who went into this dungeon, left alive to tell the tale to the police. The media is asking people (both male and female) to come forth with any possible leads because they suspect that “more than one woman has been in that basement.” Oh, for real? You think?

If the women weren’t coming forth and were complicit then there should be no crime to charge the dungeon master with. If they are forcing these woman to press charges then the police need be dealt with, in the dungeon, without grace.

Sweden is beginning to sound like a really fucked up, hardass country to have sex in. First our great information emancipator Assange was strung up on trumped up charges and now this?!