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Archive | February 2012

My husband loves sex with the light on.He is a very visual person, and he loves to watch us making love.He loves taking in the visual sights of my body. He loves it with oral sex when he can see what I am doing to him or what he is doing for me.

I, on the other hand, would rather it be dark.I enjoy losing the sense of sight because it enhances my 4 other senses.I pick up sounds and touch so much more than if I can see.It leaves me to visualize in my head his thrusting and I can concentrate on the internal feeling of his penis inside me.

So what is our compromise?Candles.

Candles can be many small votive candles, or a few larger ones.They can be scented or unscented.The mood is so much more romantic than direct light.The flickering of the candles cast cool, sensual shadows on the walls.The light from the candles is so different, making the room feel warmer, more romantic.It can help the visual spouse to see what they want to, while allowing the spouse who likes the dark to have still have a darkened room to make love in.

One of my most romantic memories with candles was on my birthday.He tossed my satin robe out the bedroom door, locked the door and told me I couldn’t come in until he called me.When I finally entered the room, I didn’t recognize my bedroom.It looked as though there were a hundred sparkling lights in the room.The room looked so warm and inviting.It was a very awesome birthday present.

Another thing we have tried to meet each other half way was by using black lights. My husband went out and bought a few replacement light bulbs for our bedside lamps.The result was a darker room with a purplish glow.It was pretty cool.The whole room wasn’t neon, but it was a nice darker compromise and when he would slather me with coconut oil, the sight of my glisteny body did wonders for his visual nature.

If you are interested in more ways to romanticize your bedroom, be sure to check out this article by my good friend Cinnamonsticks.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)

Confession is such a hard thing. When I made wrong choices as a child, it was so hard to say I was wrong. My pastor once told a story of a young girl and her science experiment… she was to guess if a seed would sprout that she had planted and taken home. She guessed that it would not. To her dismay, the seed did indeed sprout, and as part of her assignment, she had to admit whether her guess was right or wrong. She refused to write down on her paper that her guess failed, until her older sister told her to write, “My hypotheses was erroneous.” She agreed and wrote it down! (not realizing that she just wrote her guess was wrong)

It is very hard for me at times to admit that I was wrong. I am grateful, though, for a forgiving Father that throws those sins away when I confess to him and does not remember them. I pray that in the future I will remember this verse when it comes time for me to admit my wrongs.

Jesus laid down his life for me. And I cannot seem to let go of what I want for what he wants. It’s crazy, isn’t it? That we think we know what’s best…what we need to do…. never considering that God knows better than us. I think about this actually quite often. What if God called my family to be missionaries? Could we drop everything and go? What if God told us that we needed to tithe the full 10% on a month that we know we are going to be short? Can we step out in faith and trust that God knows what he is doing? Or do we say no, I can’t do that. I know I am guilty of the latter. And you know, it’s not that I don’t trust God….it’s that I am scared. I listen to the serpent from the Garden of Eden…. he tells things that scare me. And so I “feel better”, I don’t do what God asks of me.

I will be reading and rereading this chapter and hope that the Lord helps me to understand what I am to do for him. Help me, Lord, to surrender to you.

If you’ve read more than a couple of our posts here on Christian Nymphos, you might think that we are all always on the lookout for sex, ready to pounce on our loving husbands as soon as we see them.

This may be the case for a couple of us (lol), but not all.

As much as I enjoy making love with my husband, there are times when I’m preoccupied, or tired, or busy, or just generally “not in the mood.”

Earlier in our marriage, I would think nothing of giving my husband an excuse, or pretending to be asleep already, or secretly wishing he’d just go masturbate if I wasn’t in the mood for sex. This was what my friends did, this was what the world told me was normal and acceptable. But then I read a book called Intimate Issues. It challenged many of my perceptions of marital intimacy, and specifically it challenged me about ignoring my husband’s needs.

I now understand that I am the only person in the world who has been ordained by God to meet my husband’s sexual needs. My body belongs to him, and his belongs to me. Through the bonds of marriage, our bodies are God’s gift to one another. For this reason, I have a duty to try to fulfill his desires, and he mine.

Now please don’t think that I’m talking about that kind of grim old, “oh-great-just-what-I-need-another-duty” kind of thing. I find that it’s all in how you look at a thing…how you approach it. You can say “I have to do it, so I will” or you can say “I get to do it, so I will.” If we view sex as a gift from God, something really special and good that He’s given us for pleasure as well as procreation…well that’s a different kind of duty, isn’t it?

Intimate Issues (the book that I mentioned above) offers an excellent technique for getting yourself a new attitude about sex on those doldrum days. Start off by saying a silent prayer. Ask the Lord to help you to make love to your husband right now, not just to lay there and “have sex.” Ask Him to help you to make your husband feel desired. Ask Him to help your body to respond. Even as you begin to make love, look deeply at this man whom God has given you. Thank the Lord for him. Thank the Lord that He has given you this special person as your mate in life. Thank the Lord that this man wants to be with you, and that he is able to perform. Thank the Lord that he is doing this or that right now to bring sexual pleasure to you.

And then just relax. Just enjoy the moment. Don’t allow your mind to go back to your “to-do” list or to what is less than perfect about your husband’s technique, or the fact that the dog needs to be fed. Just be right there in that moment with your beloved.

This works for me. I hope that it will work for you. I have seen myself go from bored and uninterested to wildly orgasmic by employing this technique. Ask and you shall receive, ladies, ask and you shall receive.

(I do find it necessary to mention here that I am not talking about times when a woman legitimately needs a night off. There are situations in which sex drives are wildly incompatible and the couple must find a way to balance that. I’m not talking about those cases, but rather the “I just don’t feel like it” moods.)

I grew up reading, a lot, and when I would run out of good books to read, I would pick up my mom’s Harlequin Romance books. I had quite an imagination as a teen, so the scenes where the guy would whisk the girl away…well, they all sounded SO romantic. My next fixation became Soap Operas. My favorites growing up (and into my 20’s as well) were Young and the Restless and Days of Our Lives. They all make falling in love, marriage; romance and sex look so simple and so easy. Everyone does it right the first time they have sex (and subsequent times afterwards) and you can bask in the glow for as long as you want afterwards. (and maybe even several more times afterwards, too!) And this isn’t just the young characters in the books and on tv, it’s the middle aged ones, too.

THEN….you get into the reality of marriage. When you step through the hotel door on your honeymoon or your honey comes through the door after a long day at work, you can just drop your clothes and get busy, right? Not always. Never once have I seen a character in a soap or a movie that looks at their bedazzled spouse who has been at home with 4 kids all day and says, “Let’s get down to business!” (Cause in reality, the kids are right there jumping all over you, hanging off you or screaming at you from the other side of the house) So when you finally do get a spare moment, do you (A) get to romp in the middle of your white satin sheets for as long as you want or (B) get a quicky in the bathroom? If you are like me, at times it can be none of thee above.

It took me a long time to get the fantasy of romance out of my head…by that I mean the Harlequin Romance definition of romance. My husband is romantic in his own way, but he definitely isn’t a Victor Newman or a Roman Brady….but you know what? He loves me for who I am and the wife and mother I am. Yeah, sometimes work wears me out, the kids wear me out, but I have a DH who stuck with me through almost 11 years of refusing sex. Would Victor Newman stick around? NO WAY. Look at romance with your spouse for what it is…intimacy between the two of you. It can be flirting, it can be casting longing glances at each other over the food fight at the dinner table….more of the Trace Adkins “One Hot Mama” kind of reality. (the video does have a lingerie wearing Mama in it…just a warning) I feel like the wife in the video, and I am forever grateful that my husband looks and sees me like Trace does in that video. But you want to know the best thing though? God created you and He loves you and you will always have an Abba Father to go to when you need help or when you need a change in your thoughts and attitude for your spouse. Ask God to make you the fun, creative, sexual being that he made you for your spouse. If you feel there is a need for work in your marriage bed, ask God to show you how to make it pure excitement and ecstasy for you and your husband. Ask God to purify your thoughts for your husband and to not have expectations of him that he just cannot meet. Your husband is real and not fiction.

Ladies, romance sometimes isn’t what we’re led to believe by the media we see or read. Sometimes it is easy, but sometimes it is messy, too! (How many of you have lounged around in bed after sex for a long time? Not me!) Read into your marriage realistic ideals for sex and romance. It will take work sometimes, compromise sometimes, and sometimes it will be smooth sailing.

Follow God’s plan for romance in your marriage. It isn’t written in a novel, but it is written in God’s word, the Bible.

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5)

This is one verse that I truly can rest in. It is truly a comfort to know that I am NOT alone in this world. Sure, I have my husband and my children…my friends….but they are not guaranteed to be there forever. Only God can make this promise to me. I cannot buy things to make me happy. I cannot accumulate large amounts of things. None of these things will ever truly make me feel safe and content. The Lord’s promise to me… this very promise… is all I need.

Have you ever thought about the future? I have wondered what it would be like someday if my husband passed before me. If one of my children, God forbid, should pass before me. While I will be sad and grieve, life will go on because I will still have the Lord and he will still be with me. No matter how much pain, grief or suffering I have to go through in life, the one constant is that my Savior is always there for me. That is where my hope lies. In this promise.

I could so relate to Stormie’s opening vignette in this chapter…. there have been times where I could not understand why I was so down. There was absolutely no reason for me to be down, and I seriously thought I needed to call my doctor to see if my antidepressant needed to be increased. It wasn’t until I was on Facebook, and I just all of the sudden got into one of my Youtube kicks…. I started posting praise songs left and right. Praise You in this Storm, Who Am I, East to West , Grace Like Rain, Lead Me to the Cross… one after another, these songs came to mind. I sang them as a posted them on Facebook, all of the sudden my mood changed. I was praising God and it chased Satan away. He had stolen God’s word away from me, and all these praise songs brought them right back.

I play in a classic rock band. There are times when I get so involved in listening to those songs on Pandora, I find that I have more troubles in my life when I completely move away from worship music. We started off doing Classic Rock/Modern Worship performances, but soon, demand was asking more for our classic rock side…. The words in some of those songs can really lead your mind down the wrong road…. and I find myself being so stuck on listening to that kind of music… but last night, God reminded me on my 4 hour + drive from my parents house to home, that I needed to spend that time with him…. so on Pandora, I plugged into my Christian contemporary station and listened to that most of the way home. It really lifted me up after the reason I went to see my parents…. both are having health issues and I feel so far away from them. But I refused to entertain the vision Satan was trying to give me… “what a bad daughter you are for not being there for your parents….”, “why aren’t you doing anything to help them.” “You are too involved in your own life to even care about theirs…” I choose to focus on the reason for this season in my life…. God has a plan for every one of us. His will be done, not mine.

When Satan camps out in your mind, what do you do to keep him at bay and run him off?