HILO, HI – Unidentified flying… Orcas?… or humpbacks? Emily Walker woke up last night to strange noises that sounded like her garage door opening. Thinking her husband was back early from a business trip, she ran outside. What she was greeted with, however, was a flying saucer attempting to draw in a 44-ton whale with its tractor beam.

“The whale kept going up and down as the UFO was struggling to bring it on the ship,” said an oddly unaffected Walker. After nearly five minutes of trying, the alien craft tried to whip the mammal up and instead lost its grip and flung the beast onto some rocks near the coast.