This Week's Leaders in Chit Chat

When to collect addresses

Hi all! I'm getting married August 2018 and was wondering when is a good time to start collecting addresses. I am planning on only sending Save the Dates to out of staters and family members, since most of our friends know the date already. My plan was to create a Facebook group (which could also be used as an informal save the date) with a link to put their address in, as well as put our wedding website in this group. I'm just not sure when is the right time to start doing this since we are still a 10 months out. I think I might be overthinking this whole process, but any suggestions and advice is welcome!Thank you!

Re: When to collect addresses

I started collecting when we got engaged (April 2017) and we're getting married in March 2018. I've had to update a few addresses along the way, but I just keep them in a big excel spreadsheet. It was nice to have for when my MoH asked for a list of who I wanted her to invite to the shower and we were able to use it for our STDs.

I would not start a Facebook group. There have been several threads lately about Facebook groups gone wrong (drama, over sharing, cancelled plans, you name it).

If you plan to use FB to get addresses, just DM the people for whom you need addresses and then make an excel spreadsheet. We still use our excel spreadsheet from our wedding 4 years ago for Christmas cards, birthday parties, baby announcements, etc. And now we just add people to it who we've become friends with and such.

Something to bear in mind is that people may move or change addresses between now and the time invitations go out.

So the only addresses you need yet are for persons to whom you are sending save-the-dates. If you are sending holiday cards, save any addresses for people who will receive invitations. But unless anyone is being invited to wedding-related events between now and the wedding (which should be hosted by others), you aren't going to need addresses for invitations until about six to eight weeks before invitations go out. During the month before invitations are sent, I'd start collecting any addresses you don't already have.

I second @southernbelle0915's advice not to use Facebook to do it. If you do, though, I'd ask for the addresses in private messages and not in posts on your page or private groups.

Oh, and I totally missed the other part of your question (the "when"). For the people getting STDs, I would ask a few weeks before sending them. For everyone else, maybe start asking 4ish weeks before you plan to mail the invites. Most people will respond right away, but for the few stragglers, that'll give you plenty of time to follow-up.

Agree with other posters, don't use a facebook group. If you do use FB use it to message them privately ( I did do this). To be honest I never look at groups friends add me to because 9/10 its a MLM or something I'm equally uninterested in. I usually immediately leave it without a second thought.

We got marred in April, and started getting addresses the summer before (so about 10ish months?) We just put a * by the people who were likely to move (cousins in college, that one friend who just doesn't stay anywhere, etc), and followed up with them before we sent anything. Most of our families weren't going to move, so we didn't worry about that.

You can make use of other people's Christmas card lists - i.e., for the guest list that is your family and family friends, see if your parents will send you the addresses they have. Same for your FI's parents. Then you're only reaching out to a few people.

I just think it’s really lazy to have your guests complete a form for you. Email individually. Text. Heck, call them. You input the addresses into a form if you need to.

I agree with this. Sending them a link to a form essentially says that you could probably have gone about this in other ways, but you prefer that everyone earn an invite to your wedding by doing the work for you.

Start working with your parents and family members. I keep a Google Doc of my Christmas list and I update it yearly. Don't ask anyone to fill in anything - just start with phone calls and see if people are open to sending you their spreadsheets.

For anyone we needed to get addresses from, we just texted or sent an FB message asking. I agree with PP's that an FB group is not the answer here. There is just too much potential for drama and too much chance that it'll get overlooked.

I don't feel bothered if people contact me either via text or email to verify my or one of my kids' addresses. I appreciate that they want to have accurate information. Seriously no big deal to take 1-2 minutes to type my address.

Also, use the white pages online. The vast majorityof people are listed and then you don't need to bother hundreds of people.

White Pages on line is not what it used to be. They want money to give you information.

I find it's very rare to get a payment request. For almost every person on our 275+ guest list I was able to find an address online. In the few years since our wedding, I've done this plenty of times for holiday cards, etc. Don't' know why you wouldn't at least try and then reach out if you can't find it.

Really? When was your wedding? A few years ago, White Pages on line worked great. These days, they often only include name, age, and town of residence unless you sign up for their program. I miss the old days.Last week I wanted to talk to my cousin, but didn't have her phone number or address. I had to call her sister to get it!