Rip off the mask, tear down the walls. Show the world my beautiful, vulnerable self!

Archive for the ‘environment’ Category

Feeling out of sorts and wasn’t sure why.

I’ve been feeling all weird and confused lately; a little bit sad; a little bit lonely, but mostly like I just don’t fit anywhere any more. After reading Elizabeth Peru’s comment about it being a new moon and time for a re-set, I realized that’s what I need. The only problem is, I’m not quite sure what I need to be re-set to! It’s not like I’m a washing machine and simply have standard settings. OK, today, I am going to set myself for delicates. Tomorrow will be a load of cottons. No, I seem to have lost my way; my purpose. The path I struck isn’t getting me where I want to go, but I’ve lost sight of that nebulous destination.

Thus, without an idea of my purpose or my destination, I’m discombobulated. I no longer have a handle on what I should be doing or where I should be going.

When you don’t know where you want to go or what you want to do, you can still know where you don’t want to go and what you don’t want to do.

That’s where I am right now. I know where I don’t want to go, and that’s back to work full-time doing accounting. Dylan seems to concur as he’s currently laying on my calculator as if to say “Mom, this is definitely not your future any more! Trust me!

I know I want to stick with the writing but I realize that I need to get something else under my belt before I actually go through all of the processes necessary to get a novel published and marketed and yes, sold! I’m just not sure whether that means trying to write and sell articles, gird my loins and carry on with the copywriting, or something else entirely that I haven’t even considered.

I suppose this is one of those times when I just need to put out to the Universe that I want to achieve success and prosperity with my writing and let the details formulate themselves before I learn which direction I need to take.

In the meantime, there are things I do know. I know I need to find a financial adviser/investment adviser to whom I’m more than a phone call every so often when things are going well, and who remembers that we were supposed to talk about making some changes at a specific point in time. I know that I want to start turning things around so my outflow is less than my in flow. I know that I want to do a number of things to improve my personal environment. And I know that I want to get myself back on track both with exercise and eating habits (especially after coming home from dancing to eat a container of mac and cheese and a cheesecake pudding thing.)

As usual, when I’m confused or off track, I can write myself into a solution of sorts.

In years past, when I’d reach a point such as this, I’d typically do a brain dump into a Word document and ultimately come to some sort of decision. Doing so publicly via this blog is no less effective and, in fact, is probably moreso because putting something in public gives me accountability. I know that for now, I’ll deal with finding a new financial adviser, finish the year end accounting stuff I need to and allow the issues with my writing to spin around in my brain as well as the Universal Consciousness for a bit until all of the agitating stirs things up sufficiently, much like swapping the letters in a Scrabble rack, and comes up with something that actually makes sense.

For now, I’ll just focus on my blessings, or as I call them here, my gratitudes:
1. I am grateful for the furry children who await my return whenever I leave home, and are always nearby when I’m home.
2. I am grateful for dance nights, even ones like tonight where I felt so disconnected from it all. I can still get into my own little world for awhile and do something I love.
3. I am grateful that the holidays will soon be over and I can start moving forward again.
4. I am grateful for my writing which, even while it’s not supporting me financially, it is and always has supported me emotionally.
5. I am grateful for abundance: friendship, love, happiness, harmony, health and prosperity.