Monday, October 31, 2011

How uncomfortable is it to be reminded of your own frailty...........this past Friday we made a made dash from Tx to Arkansas to be at the side of a family member having heart problems. We drove 11 hours straight with fear in our hearts........talking but still alone with our thoughts.......

~~~~~~Heart problems run rampant in my husbands family and has reared its ugly head as each family member reaches middle age or there abouts. I believe it is genetic and lifestyle issues. Regardless it never fails to drive a stake through my own heart when that fateful phone call arrives. My husband has two brothers and a sister.......one brother, sister and his mom have had bypass surgery. My husband has high blood pressure, high cholesterol, he is over weight..........but so far his heart beats strong for me.........

~~~~~~~~~My beloved sister in law is fine.......thank goodness........one of her stents was blocked and causing her great pain. The family that surrounded her breathed a collective sigh of relief.........As i'm sitting there in the recovery room watching my adoptive family interact with each other, people laugh and conversations overlap each other as they have for years. It has been difficult to find my place among them........thru no fault of theirs.....my own shyness and quiet nature has hampered me and held me back in this loving , robust family. After all these years i realize i feel comfortable in my own skin when i 'am with them, I feel comfortable enough to be myself. I realized that this weekend when talking with a new family member, the girlfriend of my husband's brother

~~~~~~~~~~I see her struggle to be herself but still trying to find her place........I want to reassure her that it will come.......but it feels strange when she is older than me.......but i hug her when i see her with what i hope is a truly welcoming hug. It would be so much easier if we all lived closer but like most families we are strung out across the country.

~~~~~~~~~~~When the fear had passed and on the long ride home I'd feel my eyes pulled to my husband time and time again. My fear for his sister was great but my fear for him is almost unbearable. Situations like this bring it rushing to the forefront of my mind, just how fragile our lives are and how very precious his life is to me. All his medical tests come back with flying colors.......blood pressure numbers are good with medication, cholesterol numbers are good with medication.....passed a stress test last year with flying colors. I would love to see him be able to take less medication. I tell him the reason he is slightly healthier than his other family members is because he lives with a nag.....he laughs.....i laugh.....maybe he doesn't hear the worry behind that laugh........we all know the choice to live healthier is a personal choice as there is much sacrifice involved but the gains .........? to me they are infinite and unmeasurable......more years spent with my soul mate.......

Thursday, October 27, 2011

...........there was just a hat........a 'perfect' witches hat in my opinion......and i was tickled pink....for awhile.....but then the cat that was supposed to be wearing the hat would not come into being......and i struggled and erased and sketched some more holding the paper every which way, stepping back...putting it away for a few days only to pull it out and erase again.... until finally there was a face........
I was really surprised this was so difficult.....after all i've lived with a cat for YEARS....yet some how i guess i'm not really 'seeing ' him......maybe thats part of the mystery of owning a black cat. I apologize for the dark pictures but i wanted to show you the 'process'. Drawing does not come easy to me.....its a struggle......but one that i love.......I find that i 'am very tenacious when it comes to drawing . Give me a pencil and a good eraser and i will keep at it and keep at it until i feel i have it right or as close to right as i'm gonna get.
He has all the elements i wanted. I love his hat and his little gotee and the wavy whiskers which came about after i had a good look at Jinx's whiskers when i couldn't seem to make any i liked and his whiskers were wavy. I like the cobweb and the spider and how i decided to do the pupil of his eye. I tried to do the pupil the way its suppose to be and no matter how many different ways i tried it , it just didn't look right, maybe thats another mysterious cat thing or my lack of talent , who knows.......but i ended up with a pupil that looks a little like a flame??? Now how to color a black cat without losing all the detail.......like how do i not lose the black tail against the black body??? Hmmmm.......First things first......there was so much erasing going on i think i'm going to have to copy him to a new piece of paper before i color..............Hugs! deb

Friday, October 21, 2011

Its been awhile since i've done a movie update....I don't want you to think that hubs and i have stopped going to movies......quite the contrary..... Not much else to do when you live in an apartment......And as you can see i finished the first 'draft' of the Butterfly picture. I will scan this in as is then i'm determined to 'fiddle' with it some more. I'm going to try paint on those squiggly things at the bottom that i absolute hate. And if worse comes to worse i will cut off the bottom following around the bottom edge of the flowers giving it an uneven edge if you know what i mean?Now back to the movies!

........Contagion.........I went to see this one by myself.......and even though i thought it was good....i didn't think it was great.....it felt more like a made for TV movie if you get my drift......

........Apollo 18..........Again i went to go see this movie by myself.......hubby has a good radar for bad movies......me? not so much.......i always have high hopes......this is one of those shakey camera type movies like Blair Witch and i really hate those.I thought this movie was an interesting concept of why we never went back to the moon.......did you know that theres a conspiracy theory that we never actually ever went to the moon that it was all a hoax?? Funny i'm so naive i never even thought of that. Do you think we landed on the moon or was it a hoax. If a hoax why?? To inspire a country in need of inspiration?? But really this movie is about why we never went back......its a little cheesy........rent it if you must

.........Abduction..........And again another movie i went by myself...........and again hubs was right....I WANTED to like this movie. It has Taylor Lautner in it from the Twilight series and i really wanted to like it..........it sucked ........big time.......the acting was horrible the dialog stilted ...uuughhhh.....really don't even rent it........The action scenes were good though but not enough of them to carry the movie.

...........Dream House..........Now this one i dragged hubby to........he ended up not crazy about it but it was okay and i have to agree with him although i think i liked it a little better than him. He tends to be an all action guy , me i can be happy with a good story. The acting was all good here just really not enough scary which was kind of what i was expecting. But with three good well known actors in it, it was a pretty good film. Definitely rent it and even at the movies i didn't feel like i wasted my money so give it a shot!

..............Real Steel..............Now this baby was the Real Deal........Great movie!.......And from what you can tell the best we've seen in a long time.......Great story, good acting, good special effects. Definitely worth your money and your time. Disney has a good one here.

Well thats it! The Three Musketeers comes out this weekend. Not sure if we will go. We are kind of Three Musketeered out. How many times can you remake a movie??? However the girl that plays in the Resident Evil movies....whats her name??? MillaJovavich??? Not sure how to spell it any way she is in it and that might be interesting.....We are fans of hers from way back when she played in The Fifth Element. Paranormal 3??? As much as i like scary movies i'm really not a fan of this series.....The first one was so, so and the second one was awful so i'm not gonna spend my money on the third..........Have a great weekend! Catch a movie! Hugs! deb

Monday, October 17, 2011

..............the Kingfisher bird was having more luck catching fish than we were

..............the Cowboys lost in the last two minutes of the game

..............the old version of the movie The Thing was better than the new one

...............we spent money on the dvd The Zookeeper and it was so stupid we turned it off halfway

...............we went to a new Asian Buffet restaurant and all we did was pick out its faults

...............i didn't get the laundry done so i have to do it today

Can i have a do over?

What a weekend......but i did have a late night session with my journal and i thought what the heck i'll share my thoughts. Its not a rant perse just my thoughts late at night written in a journal no one will probably ever read. I must say i've been reading a Clive Cussler book that deals alot with the environment so i'm sure thats probably what stirred it up. But its good to get stirred up once in a while. Now the journal entry is a little disjointed and has run on sentences but remember i WAS writing this just for me, just my train of thought.....

Journal............I think a new train of thought is needed for this country , for the world, a new direction. For so long we've been ruled by money , by greed. What would happen if we took money out of the picture with some things? Perhaps money or some form of currency still has its place as far as getting some of the finer things in life. But the basic necessities like food, medical care, education, shelter should all be provided. By who you might ask. I'm not sure. I don't have all the answers....Husband would say then why would people work and do the jobs that need doing if not to obtain these things? I say these things would be provided if you do your job. If i had it all figured out , if i had all the answers i'd run for president. Does it ever feel that as a civilization that we are doing this wrong? That somewhere along the line, back in the day we made a wrong turn? Kind a like with fossil fuels. We never should have went' down that path. And now it remains to be seen how much of this big blue marble we are willing to destroy to get at the remaining fossil fuels?

It sadden me because i know change will happen only when we are pushed to the brink of disaster. If only we could embrace solar and wind energy the way we embraced oil and coal. Our governments need to make solar and wind energy affordable. Change must happen. Deep down you know this, you sense it. The more we wait the more of the irreplaceable beauty of this earth will be lost. Is that the legacy we leave for future generations. Or are we the generation that demanded change?

So those are my thoughts late at night.......lol.....no wonder i have trouble sleeping sometimes. I lay in bed and try to solve all the worlds problems.......What do you think about the protest going on in New York etc..........?? I think people have forgotten how powerful we can be as a nation with one voice. That our power comes in numbers. I think the protests in New York etc... lack focus and that hurts them but at the same time i think it has gotten them the numbers. There are many people out there using the protests as a platform for whatever their issue happens to be. It takes alot to get Americans out in the streets. Imagine if we focused on one issue at a time and put all our energy into that one issue whatever it may be......?? Hugs! deb

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Monday , Columbus Day we decided to get out of our little cubicle called home and break out the fishing poles. We haven't picked up those poles in years.....just never any time.....or energy....or....whatever. Well when we were lugging stuff to the apartment or storage i made sure to lug them up to the apartment and into a closet ...just incase.... If we found some free time while living in the apartment it wasn't gonna get gobbled up by yard work cause....what yard? or hubby needing to work on the house....what house or his shop....you get the picture. So Monday morning hubs cleaned up the reels , made sure they worked , put on the sinkers and hooks, grabbed a bag of chips and soda and two folding chairs and we were out the door.Really beautiful day, temps around 70 a little breeze. It was so nice to just be outside, sit and relax in each others company, no agenda. Hubs was the fish pro this trip. My casting was beautiful. I hadn't forgot how to cast in almost 15 years since i think we last picked up a pole. But apparently i forgot how to set a hook in the fish.......sigh..... Only the babies were biting. The bass above is the biggest we caught. We used worms.....ick......i totally know how to put a worm on the hook....growing up with two brothers virtually guaranteed that....I could always go fishing with them if i wanted but i had to bait my own hook ....that was the deal and take my own fish off....that was the deal and to be honest i'm grateful to them for teaching me that. And i would have done anything to spend time with them. But it doesn't mean i LIKE getting slimed or worm poop all over so when your sweety offers to put the worm on the hook for you , you know its gonna be a good day LOL!

So we sat and talked and listened to the bugs hum and watched our bobbers bob. I did manage to hook a small bass. ....even smaller than the one pictured above. And as soon as i got him ashore he fell off the hook and hubs scooped him up and threw him back in. So you'll just have to take my word for it that i caught a fish. Thats my story and i'm sticking to it! :) But more important i caught some time spent with honey. Time well spent........Hugs! deb

Thursday, October 6, 2011

...........sadly i don't have much to write about...........i wish i had more to report on the job front or the California move front ...........but i don't.........still in a holding pattern.......there are a few little twinkles of opportunity on the horizon but neither hubs or i want to get our hopes up.....so we wait.........but while waiting this week as i said earlier i have kicked my butt out of the apartment! Lets see.....Monday i walked, Tuesday i rode my bike...in traffic .... without killing myself or anyone else!....encouraging...and Wednesday i walked the mile and a half to Hobby Lobby and walked around there and let me tell you after walking around the store all i wanted to do was go sit in my car and drive home not walk the mile and a half back home but i did it and in the end it felt good to get out. Today i'am walking to the post office to get some stamps. ....I've done good this week getting out of the house and moving.....mission accomplished. Must find some new adventures for next week.........

Now for the 'Scrumptious' part of this post.......I'am so loving the orange roses next to the blue butterfly....you? They are a little tedious to color, thats what taking me so long..... I can only do a little then i have to take a break....I have my next drawing already bugging me in the back of my brain.......not sure i can pull it off but i want to draw a black cat with gold eyes in a witches hat..............i was hoping to do this before Halloween but i don't think that will happen ....i should have started it in July.......lol........but its a pic thats been bugging me and needs to see the light of day....or at least i need to give it a try.....Sometimes i get the ideas in my head but don't have the talent to make it happen......

Before i go ...........guess what we are expecting here in West Central Texas???? Rain! Saturday is a 50% chance and Sunday 60% chance........and its all because hubs and i decided we were going to go fishing this weekend......yeah.......he's trying to convince me how great it is to go fishing in the rain.......yeah...sure......Hugs! deb

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

..........I've been in a funk........do you ever get in a funk?......sigh......but the last few days i've been making a herculean effort to 'get out of the funk'. I think its just being stuck here...in this apartment.....wanting to get to California in the worst way to start our life and instead here we sit......literally....my butt is getting bigger by the minute.......so yesterday i dug down deep grabbed myself by the seat of my pants and THREW myself out the door for a much needed walk in the air and sunshine .

I mean i live close to EVERYTHING now......i can walk to the grocery store and the bookstore even Hobby Lobby and the movie theatre......there really is no reason to be in this funk......even my bike is chained to the front porch of this apartment.....no excuses.......except i'm not where i want to be.....and that weighs heavy on the soul no matter the bright spin i try to put on everything........ But i'm going to try harder......the most important thing i think is just not to sit in this apartment all day.......walking or bike riding i need to get out and i think this is the week to tackle that. I'm riding high on yesterdays pleasant outing. I was gone about 1 and a half hours to 2 hours made a huge circle.......stopped in Tuesday Morning to browse around and walked out empty handed....horray for me! Today i think the bike and i have a date. It will mean riding in traffic a little and i'm not a big fan of that but thats just in the beginning then its quiet housing developments and then country road.......

I've managed to work on the drawing some more........I'm lovin' the colors........but i'm not loving the green squiggles at the bottom..........not much i can do about it now.......I'm hoping i will like them better when its all said and done.........just think how easy that would be to wipe out if this was a canvas??? I'm liking the idea of painting more and more......lol........I think i will scan this in as is when finished but then fiddle with it some more.......i think i'd be happier if it was just plan bricks at the bottom instead of those squiggles, but see how i overlapped everything?? I can't just cut off the bottom. I have a thought though at what i might do so we'll just have to wait and see.........I colored one of the roses and it looks scrumptious but i don't have a photo of it yet.......I have my nose in a new book.......another sleeper.......The Aviary Gate by Katie Hickman......i say sleeper only because i've never heard of the book or author before but maybe you have and she's well known??? Anyway ........no news on the job front......did i tell you hubs found out that theres a letter from the VA giving him job preference that he was supposed to be sending out with his resumes??? Yeah....lovely how people keep you informed........you better know the right questions to ask cause no one is going to volunteer information.......wow we've really found that out the hard way on this little expedition......anyway so he has some resumes out there with that letter attached now see if it helps......the preference is because the VA spent all this money sending him to college and now they expect him to find a job in that field. Hope you STILL have your fingers crossed for us.........hugs! deb

About Me

I'm a 49yr old woman learning that its okay to just be me. That i'm alright in every sense of the word. That i can own many of the labels that are applied to me like.....shy, quiet, loner, weird, strange, odd, different, and i can accept them and embrace them as being a part of me. They are not something i need to fix. I'am learning to just breathe and this is my journey.