Brace yourselves, buckaroos. The rich and elderly of the future are going to resemble Gary Busey Pod People.

Apparently, I missed the notice telling me that having money and being old gave you full entitlement to become an X-Man. I miss George Burns - by the time he kicked it, the old fella was rolling like a straight-up raisin. Mike Jeffries looks puppy-dog sad, like your friend's Dad from high school who embarrassed his son by putting on Salt 'n' Pepa tapes during the drive to the movie theater, the same dad who featured the word "fresh" in his vocabulary. Only this friend's dad has money so he can buy designer clothes and surgeons who will gleefully channel Union-Carbide detritus into his jowls.