12 Days of #Christmas: ON THE 4th AND 3rd DAY: FOR THE RABID DOG-LOVER

Do you have a friend whose Instagram is basically their dog? (In our case, that’d be us)

Short of getting that friend another dog (for the record, we wouldn’t mind it…), you can sate that canine fetish with gifts only the most devout of dog lovers would truly appreciate and deserve.

P.S. If you plan on acquiring a canine companion this holiday season, please, please, please do not do so via a breeder or a pet store. Dog purchases made through either proliferate the dreadful existence of puppy mills. Take it from personal experience: Most so-called breeders are just glorified puppy-millers… and you do not want us to show you pictures of what happens at puppy mills.

Onto happier stuff about puppies…

1. For the Art Enthusiast:

Flaunt your pooch’s likeness in trendy fashion by having artist Kari Egan make an entirely original illustration off a photo of your dog (or cat). The artist customizes each portrait so that it “truly captures your dog’s unique look and personality.” According to Egan, “I usually feel the dog inhabit the drawing and from there it draws itself!” There is zero photo editing and/or manipulation involved in the process, be it with Photoshop or other software, giving each portrait that warm, fuzzy homespun feel.

2. For the Dog Psychologist:

Any dog owner worth his or her kibble points would give an arm and leg to even nab a sneak peek at what our dogs must think of us, as individual human beings and as a species. English canine behaviorist Karen Davison teamed up with Bob, her West Highlander Terrier, to “dogsplain” all the things humans do that must confound our pooches at first sight, including a comprehensive breakdown of human anatomy (e.g. humans’ bipedal use of “hind paws” to move) as well as tips and tricks on manipulating human owners into getting the best out of them.

The opening excerpt:

“Canines began to domesticate people some 14,000 years ago and, over time, have developed a mutually beneficial relationship with these monkey-type mammals. They are omnivores and are successful hunter-gatherers, so they generally supply bountiful food caches and usually provide more-than-adequate dens for us to share with them.”

3. For the Disciplinarian with a Funny Bone:

DogShaming.com is the hilarious 2016 Internet phenomenon that has enabled stern dog owners everywhere to publicly incriminate their canines with signs detailing their misdeeds. The best part of “dog shaming” is that all photos must be taken at the scene of the humiliating crime. Now, naturally, it’s spun off quite a few merchandising options, including a Day-to-Day Calendar. I mean, who doesn’t want 365 different captures of misbehaved pooches wearing the secular equivalent of hair shirts?

Who doesn’t want 365 different captures of misbehaved pooches wearing the secular equivalent of hair shirts?

4. For the Parents of Roamers:

Electric shock collars included, we are not big fans of most dog-oriented tech. Most are severely overpriced for doing a service the owner’s own instinct should be able to command. The Whistle GPS Pet Tracker is not one of these sham gadgets. At $100 upfront with a subscription cost of $8/month, we think it is reasonably priced for owners whose dogs frequent spacious pastures with lots of nooks and crannies in which to get lost. The GPS collar clip and charger station allow you to not only locate your dog in just minutes of activation, but also details their precise movements and monitors their exercise on any given day. It even comes with text and email alert options!

5. For The Dog Who Has Everything:

With this subscription service starting at $20/box each month, every fresh delivery brings a buttload of exquisitely themed toys and treats for Poochie and You. For example, this December’s theme was LODGE LIFE: