Frank commentary from an unretired call girl

Vice Versa

I read your post and answer to the question: “How does one find a male prostitute for a straight female?” Is there really a market for females that want male prostitutes? Could you recommend a male prostitute that a man could fashion himself after (both physically and mentally)? And could you recommend any books, websites or articles on the topic?

I’m afraid there just isn’t much of a market for heterosexual male prostitutes, which is why that reader had so much trouble finding one. While every town in the world has female hookers and most make much more than they could at other jobs for which they’re qualified, men who want to do sex work usually deal mostly with men. This isn’t to say that no woman ever pays a man for sex, but those who do so are statistical outliers and therefore not a dependable source of income. The English sex worker Sensuous Amanda expressed it quite well:

Whilst I won’t say there is no market for straight male escorts, I will tell you that it is a teeny tiny market and it is awash with bright eyed hopefuls. As far as I know, even the successful guys do it part time and have another job to pay the rent…Boys, go for it if you want, but don’t rely on it for income. For instance, my ex – a tall strapping chap, pretty good looking, in his early 30s at the time – advertised his services. He’d seen what I was earning and decided that he wanted in on the action. He never made a sodding penny. Nothing. Not so much as an email or a call. Not even a timewaster.

That article also suggests a helpful model: Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice. No, he wasn’t a sex worker, but that’s exactly the point; as Amanda writes, “in general, women don’t want [it]…to be a charade. We want a man to be all of those things to us because he wants to be. Not because we’ve just handed him a wad of twenties…” Or as I expressed it in “Just Drawn That Way”, “it is a rare woman indeed who will pay for sex with a man [because] it is an undeniable statement that he is not attracted to her, and that invalidates the primary reason for which [most women] might seek unprofitable, non-relationship sex.” People try to refute that by pointing to female sex tourists, but the exception proves the rule because what these women are looking for is adventure and romance rather than sex per se, which is why they seek this in exotic places rather than at home. Furthermore, you must remember that dollars, pounds and euros go a long way in such locales; what constitutes a generous fee there might be only a small sum in the Global North. That matters because women tend to be cheap tippers, especially where sex is concerned; as I explained once before, “A friend of mine who owned a male stripper service in addition to his escort service eventually had to stop offering so-called ‘bachelorette parties’ because none of his boys would do them anymore. The reason they gave? ‘Women are lousy tippers and they’re more interested in the buffet than the dancers.’” The good, dependable income in sex work is from male clients, whether the sex worker is male or female; as Amanda put it, “You wanna be a male escort? Fine, you go for it sweetie. You wanna make real money as a male escort? Lube up, bend over and take one for the team.”

I don’t know of any other resources for heterosexual male escorts, but by serendipity one of them (who says he has 15 years of experience) posted a reply just a few weeks ago on the very same Sensuous Amanda post I quoted above. He confirmed that he couldn’t make enough to live on, points out the difficulties of trying to see more than two to three clients a week, and explained that his sessions have to be open-ended on time rather than by the hour as with female escorts. He has a lot to say that I think you’ll find enlightening, including the fact that 75% of his clients were couples; this of course reinforces what I said above, because if it weren’t for the man’s interest in the fantasy you can be sure his wife wouldn’t be there.

11 Responses

To put it simply, almost any woman can get it for free more easily than a man.

She doesn’t even have to be very attractive or have a sparkling personality. Mainly clean and willing for the moment, and usually a man can be found to take care of what she wants at that time. If there’s any money involved, it’s usually dinner or drinks paid for by the man anyway.

It’s sort of a curious inversion thing. Women have trouble sometimes finding men who will stick around as long as they want, and men pay prostitutes sometimes so they *don’t* have to stick around any longer than necessary. Back to the housewives-as-prostitutes thing, I guess, but women often *do* pay in their own fashion for a committed man that will stick around and treat them well.

You mention the ‘Girlfriend Experience’. Men pay prostitutes for the ‘good’ or ‘fun’ side of having a girlfriend. The sex, the attention, and yes, sometimes the warmth and intimacy. Also, a ‘new’ woman to explore. But, when he’s had enough, he can go home, whether that’s home alone or with a long-term woman.

BTW, even for us happily-married (20+ years here) guys, a full-body hug or a not-quite-innocent kiss from a ‘new’ woman is still a nice little thrill, even if you know it’s not going any further. My wife doesn’t worry about it, because she figures if I run off for no more than that, she wasn’t doing her part very well anyway. Of course, different men need different levels of ‘new’ in their relationships. I only need a little bit. Some need a lot.

In the United States, I think that men who have a talent to do sex for money are all absorbed by the porn industry anyway. Porn star Asia Carrera gives advice on how to get into that side of the business here:

Her advice for guys among her fans, basically, is don’t bother. There’s too much competition, and it requires certain physical abilities that only a relatively small number of guys have.

Oh, she also makes a note further down that echoes what you said about male escorts not being able to make a living, “This must be the only place in the world where guys get paid less than girls, and we call all the shots. (feminists take note!) ”

She’s talking about pornography, but I suspect it is the same, or worse, for escorting.

I think women should be encouraged to pay men for sex especially since women are getting the same sexual freedoms and liberties that men have had for many many many years. Thing is not all women can get laid cause there are a lot of shallow men out there just like with men who can’t get laid cause there are a lot of shallow women out there (I should know considering paying for sex is my only option).

Just like the number of women who love porn are on the increase eventually the number of women who pay men for sex will increase and if given enough time it will be the same number as men.

it is a rare woman indeed who will pay for sex with a man [because] it is an undeniable statement that he is not attracted to her, and that invalidates the primary reason for which [most women] might seek unprofitable, non-relationship sex.

I think you hit upon one reason why so many women refuse to understand why some men need to see prostitutes. I’ve seen comments on articles about the problems of involuntary celibate men, including men with disabilities. You’ve covered this area in your No Other Option articles. There are women who are sympathetic to these people, but they can’t help but write stuff like “this doesn’t change the problem of not having a woman love you for your own sake.” They refuse to accept that sex alone is sufficient for these men because they themselves cannot conceive of having sex with a man who did not find her attractive.

In the past, as in the present, sex was easy to get for women, and so why pay for what you can get for free? But there were other factors at work too.*

The stigma against non-marital sex was (and to a lesser degree still is) much greater for women than for men. In the good old days, the only women with any money were heiresses and prostitutes. Heiresses were much in demand among men, and if there’s one thing a prostitute DOESN’T need to pay for, it’s more sex.

Both the stigma situation and the money situation are changing. The situation is NOT changing about sex being much easier for a woman to get (it may be getting a little easier for men, but it isn’t getting harder for women).

However, ease of access isn’t the only reason men pay for sex. Many men pay for sex to avoid gold-diggers or, more often than that, just to avoid all the hassle of the dating game, a game which many women find annoying as well.

So more women will be paying for sex in the future, but not as many as men.

I intially thought that I could continue hiring the same straight male escort even though knew he wasn’t attracted to me one whit. But I felt humiliated after he let me go as a client.
I kept thinking “I couldn’t even pay a man to stick around?” My mind kept spinning with the thought of “am I that unattractive?” As for the possibility of being in love with him, I was in love with the fantasy, not the man. Sure, I was a little infatuated, which is part of the high. Then add the ritual of the meeting, I was having the time of my life. An alternative world where life was tingly for one afternoon.
Why did I hire an escort? To create a fantasy world where there are no complications inherent in relationships and to make the dream last as long as, what I had hoped, my escort’s career.
Would I do it again? I have.
What is the most valuable lesson? To hire different men instead of only one to avoid becoming attached to one fantasy and have it disappear after all the work of perfecting the routine with the one escort.

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