Two perfectly sane, unbelievably hilarious, ordinary friends with some outlooks on life and adventures in their lives.

Dear Diary (Part 3) *To be read in British accent*

Today, I had an ice-cream cone (*sings*) for the first time in forever. Elizabeth told me that if I liked Frozen so much, that I should become a Disney star. I believe I will be Sven. Because reindeer, are indeed, better than people. If only Elizabeth knew…if only she knew. Wow, I am soooo good at making references. And being subtle too. That’s why I’d be the lead of another movie. Because I’m so subtle. And good looking. Don’t you agree? I know you do. I wish I wasn’t so alone.

I thought this marriage would work out better considering that Elizabeth and I had known each other for a hearty three weeks. That’s two weeks longer than most couples’ acquaintances. But now? Now she is visiting…her family. And I am left alone…desolate…danceless. I do miss the dancing. I do not have the ability to converse easily with people…but I can dance. Like a queen. The dancing queen. See that girl. Young and sweet. Only 43. Ohhhhh yeaaaahhhhhh. See? This is why Paramount would hire me.

In other news, Mr. and Mrs. Collins (Elizabeth’s cousins and ex-fiance) are coming to visit us at Pemberley. I do so look forward to their visit. Perhaps they will pay me some attention at long last. Mr. Collins and I always have the most scintillating conversations; a humble and interesting man who cannot convey the depths of his affections in simple sentences. He is wonderful and my sole confidante now that Elizabeth will not speak with me. They come in a fortnight. Perhaps I will suggest cricket or a complimentary sculpture to be made in his honor to delay their departure. As my loyal friend the Doctor would say, “I don’t want [them] to go.” (Season 4, Ep. 19). He will always be in my heart.

I have nothing to do with my time. Maybe I will buy an opera house. Or clean my closet. All 50 of them. Or take a quick swim in the pond and hope that the fish will not be disturbed as I was. I hate fish. And people. Good thing I’m rich. Anyway, I must away for the time is short, but first, a quick haiku: