single

Smitten readers, I need your help. I've fallen into a dating rut and I can't get up. Also, my jokes are from the '80s and terrible. Send intervention for both problems. But seriously, I've been so uninspired to even remotely try to meet guys or to go on dates, and it's getting boring. And not just for me—for you guys! I know you want some juicy dating stories, and I'm not delivering. Plus, the other editors have totally threatened to fire me if I don't start making out with inappropriate people and double-booking two dates in one day. Just kidding. They did no such thing. But they did suggest I start sending myself on these #SmittenChallenge dares to break out of the romantic stagnation. And guess who we thought would have some great suggestions. You guessed it: It's you! So here's your assignment: Suggest individual missions I can challenge myself to each week. They can be dating-specific (like, "Join a new dating site!)" (not this one) or anything you think might be beneficial to the cause. Your challenge can't be to read a self-help dating book while wearing a tiny top hat, because I've already done that. Some official* rules: read more

Pick up any book, read any magazine, or watch any movie targeted toward single women, and you’ll pick up a handful of tips on places to find a potential boyfriend: at sports bars, in the frozen food aisle, at closing time at the laundromat. But they always overlook the man who could be right underneath you: the guy you accidentally brought home last weekend after a make-out session at the bar. Yes, the guy you spent the night with could actually be the one you spend your life with. It happened to me. My senior year of college, after completing the first issue of the school paper, of which I was editor-in-chief, I hosted a party for the staff in my apartment. Afterward, we all decamped to the student center in a boozy haze. Then, one small, innocuous thing changed my life forever: I had to go to the bathroom. On my way back, I ran into this scruffy guy from my English class, or, as I should’ve known him, my fiction editor, the only member of my staff I forgot to invite to my party. I stopped him and apologized. We ended up chatting for a while: Minute read more

We know Ted won't stay single forever. That makes one of us, buddy. You guys! Was last night's premiere episode of How I Met Your Mother inspired by my life? Am I famous now?? OK, probably not. But remember last summer when I told you guys how I talked myself into embracing going to a wedding solo, only to encounter a married friend who felt so bad for me, she offered to let me stay with her and her husband rather than face the horror of a hotel room alone? Nvm, then, independent spirit! And on HIMYM's first episode back for the final season (my thoughts are very in line with what Megan loved and didn't love on Obsessed), I felt sympathy pains for Ted when the clerk at the hotel spent half the episode giving him sad eyes, sympathetic sighs, and channel guides for the TV, unable to believe he wasn't on near-suicide watch for being minus a plus-one. Especially since it's the wedding of his ex-girlfriend and his best friend. And especially when Lily decided she couldn't possibly bear the pain of her husband possibly not making it. Way to rub it in, Lil. Couldn't you at read more

For the record, there's nothing technically sad about eating a meal solo at all. But sometimes, packaging and certain circumstances can make it feel a little lonely. Inspired by this hilarious but kind of genius white zinfandel and Chips Ahoy snack pack I spotted over on Jezebel yesterday, I put together a list of eight meals or cooking aids targeted at folks who are dining alone. No porterhouse for two here, you guys. Just a ranking of eight meals or cooking aids you might be tempted by when you're on your own. Eighth place: Pizza by the slice Why: This comes in last place because it's not even sad. It's just awesome. Seventh place: The aforementioned wine and cookie package Why: It should be sad, but it's too funny to really be. Plus, COOKIES. Sixth place: Chinese delivery when the restaurant packs enough plastic utensils for at least four people, but it's actually all for you. Why: It's kind of embarrassing, but the delivery guy doesn't have to know it's just for you. Play loud music when he comes to the door to fool him into thinking you're having a party so he won't judge you. Sharing sucks, anyway. Fifth read more

We've all been there: those times you feel like the only single girl in the world. The eight stages we all go through, demonstrated through some single-gal GIFs: Stage 1: Your last single friend starts seeing someone. Maybe you just assumed she would be your solidarity sister forever, or you always thought you and him would eventually end up together. But it’s happened, and now you have to wonder: Am I going to be alone forever? Stage 2: Accepting your third-wheel status. At least when you hang out with them, they can keep their hands to themselves — Oh god, wait. No. What are they doing? GROSS. Stage 3: Realizing your friends’ SOs are now your friends too. I love these guys. Maybe we can all be a throuple? Stage 4: Forcing your friends’ SOs to set you up with their friends. If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. Am I right? Stage 5: Basking in the fact that you have a permanent wingwoman. You and your friend won’t be going for the same guy because she’s already got one. Provided her SO isn’t getting all her attention, and the target doesn’t think your friend is way hotter. Always read more

Who needs the bride and groom to hook you up when you're Vince Vaughn? We of the Smitten team are of the opinion that the romantic atmosphere of a wedding is enough to create sparks between single guests in attendance. And by "romantic atmosphere," we do mean open bar. But some people think there needs to be a little behind-the-scenes magic. Dating site MySingleFriend.com has introduced a spin-off site, MySingleTable.com, and the purpose is to match up those without a plus-one. Brides- and grooms-to-be are encouraged to write dating profiles for their single friends and distribute them by gifting a free month subscription to the dating site. There are also tips for making the wedding the perfect place for lonely hearts to unite and advice for singles on how to mingle. Well, OK then. I think this website's heart is in the right place, but good God, what bride has spare time on her hands during wedding planning to write online dating profiles for her friends? Does she not have enough on her plate? I think you engaged women out there can confirm that this probably isn't going to make it to the top of your priority list, even read more

As it turns out, single women don't just sit around dripping tears onto their sweatpants while stuffing frozen Snickers bars in their mouths and waiting for the phone to ring. Who knew? (Oh wait, we all knew that.) Instead, they're busy buying up their own houses—at twice the rate of single men. Own it, ladies. Literally. If Peggy thinks its a good idea, it's cool in my book. According to new information from the National Associate of Realtors, single women now make up 18 percent of homeowners. Single men make up only 10 percent of buyers. Of course that means that single people generally still purchase less than 1/3 of the homes out there, but still, the increase is totally encouraging for women in a lot of ways, both personal and financial. I'm totally impressed by any woman who can and does take such a huge step on her own. Would/could you? Considering I spent my twenties as a law student, a broke lawyer with six figures of debt, and then a broke ex-lawyer with six figures of debt who quit to start an entirely new career from the bottom, I think it's pretty obvious that I've never been read more

Why say “single” like it’s a bad thing? One of the great perks of being unattached is the free time—time that can be spent catching up on all the great reading you’ve been meaning to do for the last five years. Here’s a list of the best choices for those blissfully quiet summer evenings. 1. Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace Because once you get into a relationship, you’ll never have enough alone time to finish this beast (and it really is worth finishing). 2. Little Women by Louisa May Alcott Because you need the occasional reminder that the guy you were in love with at age 10 isn’t actually a worthy partner at age 30. 3. The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera Because if you read this book while you are dating someone you will definitely, definitely break up. 4. Bridget Jones's Diary by Helen Fielding Because you should get the chick lit thing out of your system before you get too embarrassed to read lady books in front of a dude. 5. Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy Because adultery and suicide don’t make for the most pleasant pre-sex reading. 6. Portnoy’s Complaint by Philip Roth read more

I’ll be the first to admit that romance and friendship make up about 75 percent of my brain’s real estate. But until a few days ago, I didn’t realize those two things were connected. My best friends and I have lived together since our freshman year of college, and during that time, we’ve seen one another through dozens of relationships, hundreds of dates, and enough weird hookups that I’ve repressed most of them. We dispersed after graduation to exotic places like Spain, Tel Aviv, and Cincinnati. But while most of my friends moved to cities where they knew next to no one, a lucky few of us landed in Chicago. We now live together. And also, we’re the only ones in the group who aren’t in serious relationships. After this reality dawned on us, my roommates and I had a requisite “WHY US?!” moment. But after about five seconds of melodrama, both sides of the situation became clear. We have a fun and incredible support system that operates just like a family, but could the group mentality we hold so dear be keeping us from seeking romantic relationships? The short answer? Probably. And based on several Gchats with my read more

You know what's better than being single? Being single in the summertime. Here are 10 reasons: 1. Crowds Being single in the winter means spending time alone in your home while all the couples of the world hibernate together. But in the summer, everyone comes out of the woodwork! Music festivals, street festivals, parades, fireworks displays—tons of opportunities to be with your fellow citizens en masse. Sure, there are couples in the crowd—but summer crowds are all about the bigger whole. And not to get too transcendental on you, but when you’re singing along with thousands of people at a summer music festival, who cares whether you’re single or not? 2. No Sweaty, Clammy PDA I guess when you’re in a relationship you technically don’t care that your significant other’s hand is sweaty and it’s 90 degrees and your shirt is sticking to your back as it is and an arm around your shoulders or a body on your lap is like adding an extra layer of human blanket. I guess none of that really matters when you’re in love. But when you’re single, it’s nice to not have to deal with someone else’s sweat. 3. Making Out Under read more

Because who else will co-star in my Instagram selfies? Last week at dinner with a good friend, I freaked out a little when she mentioned her boyfriend. I knew she’d been seeing a guy, but didn’t know they’d made it official. I was excited to hear things are going so well, but I also noted: She was my last good friend who was single. When I moved to New York almost nine years ago, I immediately met a guy and started dating him. I also became very close friends with a group of girls (love you, buddies), and I was one of the only ones with a serious boyfriend. As the years passed, they all coupled up — three are married, and the rest are mostly in serious, on-the-brink-of-engagement relationships. Whereas I, as you know, found myself single after a long relationship. Now, as I’m working on my move back to New York, I’m thinking about how my life will be different. Gone are the days when we would simply email the group with a “What are we doing tonight?” message, because it was assumed we would all spend the weekend together. Although we’ve continued for years with our weekly read more

It's not all gloom and doom for single girls on Valentine's Day, really! It's a perfect opportunity for a girls' night where easy to spot the single guys, and as I always say, chocolate. But it's still fun to get a little gift, even if you're single, right? Plus if I'm being perfectly honest, it does get a little rough watching all your cubicle mates act all faux-surprised over their bouquet deliveries, or sitting at home by yourself because every one of your friends is busy with boyfriends/husbands. You're happy for them, but you might feel a bit left out of the "You're so special to me" lovefest. So, is anyone obligated to do something for a friend on Valentine's Day? Oh my gosh, of course not! But if you feel like being extra nice and surprising a single friend with a little treats, especially one who might be down in the dumps this year after a bad breakup, you'll be the friend of the year. Here are a few easy options that won't break your wallet, but will make her feel all festive and lovey and cheerful: Besties iPhone cases, $25 The grown up version of your old BFF read more

Justin Timberlake always looks good but he recently stepped up his fashion game by collaborating with Tom Ford. For Justin's single Suit & Tie, Tom designed a tuxedo with satin lapels with an oversized bow tie. The video has Justin sporting a three-piece suit AND a "black peak lapel two-piece tuxedo," according to WWD. “I adore Justin. He has innate style and enormous talent. It has been such a pleasure and honor to work with him throughout this entire creative process,” said Tom, who also happened to design Justin's suit for the SAG Awards (see above.) Check out Justin's fashion in action, in his Suit & Tie video: If Justin goes on tour (crossing my fingers!) expect Tom Ford to be heavily involved. Can you imagine Justin making his entrance in a perfectly tailored suit? Swoon... What do you think of his new song with Jay Z? Photo: Getty Images read more

This past Friday, The New York Times all but declared that dating is dead (though they hedged with a question mark: “The End of Courtship?”). You’re probably familiar with the territory of this well-worn trend story: We’re now living in a “hookup culture” where women are lucky if suitors grace them with a booty call text message before 10 p.m., much less show up with flowers, much less pick them up, much less ask them on a proper date at all. Dates may have suffered a beating, but it’s crucial that we save them from further harm. (And let’s be clear: a “date” can be anything from a seven course dinner at a five-star restaurant to a free museum tour; it doesn’t have to be lavish in order to count.) But dating is absolutely necessary; its importance cannot be overstated. Here’s why dates are so critical to the beginning (and duration, but that’s a separate story) of a relationship: 1. Sexual chemistry - do you have it? A date isn’t the only way to tell, but it’s the quickest, easiest, and most efficient way. Five minutes in a coffee shop can cancel out two months of IM-ing about the read more

After about a year and a half, I’m pretty much in the single girl groove. Some of it I love (shamelessly flirting with randoms). Some of it I hate (Saturday nights when everyone has a dinner date with their husbands). And some of it just makes me laugh. Example: My nighttime routine and sleeping habits. Although I didn’t live with my ex, for seven years I slept with someone in the bed way more often than not. But aside from the occasional best friend visit/late night talk sesh, the last 18 months have been pretty much just me with a whole queen-sized bed to myself. And um, guys? I may officially never be sexy again. Here are some things I basically can’t sleep without these days: Baggy menswear style pajamas, heating pad thingies—my mom uses them and calls them “warmies” so now I do too, but my mom is 57 so it seems more acceptable for her—to warm my feet and my neck, a blanket wrap that is basically like a slightly classier Slanket when I’m reading, and night cream slathered all over my face. P.S. It leaves a green-ish tinge if I don't rub it in all the read more

From a HowAboutWe reader: "I have gone out with three guys twice. One I like, but I have seen him back on the dating website since our date. The second one is too sad, and the third is too broke. I feel like giving up and I just started. I must be forgetting to have 'fun' and it is starting to feel like a part time job." OK, slow down and take a breath. This is what we call a “breakdown” and you will have plenty more on your journey. When you start to feel this way, I want you to stop! Catch yourself and remember that you are doing all this to find an amazing partner. Be the person you want to be — a focused woman who doesn’t give up and handles everything with grace, humor and love — and people will gravitate toward you. Avoid allowing exhaustion to be your motivation for entering a relationship. Finding a life partner is a serious endeavor, and it might not happen in the first three guys you date. I’d like you to get serious about dating (and enjoy it!), but you need to take your time and really get read more