Cantor: Obama Offering ‘False Choices’

House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-Va.) said today that President Obama was offering “false choices” on the looming sequester, as Republicans try to cast the blame for the automatic spending cuts squarely on the White House.

Cantor said in a statement that the cuts set to go into effect on March 1 – which he agreed were neither smart nor fair – would only be implemented because Democrats refuse to restrain federal spending.

The majority leader added that, after the recent “fiscal cliff” deal raised some $600 billion in revenue, it was time for Washington to move to the spending side of the ledger.

“President Obama has said that unless he gets a second tax hike in eight weeks, he will be forced to let criminals loose on the streets, the meat at your grocery store won’t be inspected and emergency responders will be unable to do their jobs,” Cantor said in his statement.

“These are false choices. We are faced with the negative effects of the sequester because Democrats have not been able to take even the smallest step towards controlling spending.”

Cantor’s statement comes just over a week before the $85 billion in cuts would start going into effect, and as Washington observers are increasingly pessimistic that a deal to avert the cuts can be reached by the end of the month.

With Congress out of Washington this week, the president has gone on a public relations blitz in his own attempts to tag Republicans as responsible for the sequester.

Obama held an event this week with first responders, who the White House said could face furlough under the sequester, and has sat for interviews with television reporters from across the country.

1 COMMENT

I just had a call from a charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world.

?
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I told them NO WAY!
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Anybody who fits into my clothes isn’t starving!!

POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
Jewess
Member
Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
A. He buys two cases of beer.

Q. What is the difference between men and government bonds?
A. The bonds mature.

Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A. We don’t know; it has never happened.

POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
nameless
Member
My wife and I divorced over religious reasons;

She thought she was G-d, and I disagreed, !!!

POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
toomuch00
Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you’re up to.
haha. heres one- vayishlach avraham es hamilachim=the yankees sent the angels home.
and another one- a boy asks his father “daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” “i dont know son, im still paying…!”

POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
pookie
Member
It’s Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible… But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?” The man shakes his head. “No, he says. They’re all at the funeral.”

POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
pookie
Member
Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says “Im lonely. I wish my friends were back here.”

POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
pookie
Member
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, theres a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says “What was that all about?”

POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
pookie
Member
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the stars and tell me, what do you see?”
Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars.”

Holmes said: “And what do you deduce from that?”

Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life.”

And Holmes said: “Watson, you fool, it means that somebody stole our tent.”

POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
pookie
Member
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he’s doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he’s going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ”I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It’s guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general…and all in the name of humor!”

The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ”You stay out of this, mister! I’m talking to that little jerk on your knee!”

POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
sammygol
Member
Which country is the most neutral one?
Lebanon
Its government doesn’t get involved even in its own domestic affairs.

Which country in the most independent one?
Mongolia
Absolutely nothing depends on it.

POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
smartcookie
Member
Getzel- I love that one!! Read it many years ago and I really enjoyed it all over again!!

POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
getzel1
Adds much humor here 🙂
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as ‘Euro-English’.

In the first year, ‘s’ will replace the soft ‘c’. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard ‘c’ will be dropped in favour of ‘k’. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome ‘ph’ will be replaced with ‘f’. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent ‘e’ in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as Replasing ‘th’ with ‘z’ and ‘w’ with ‘v’.

The entree was pochoys mikeshiur
The soup, einoi ben Yomo
The main course, nifsal meachilas kelev
The desert noisen taam lifgam
and the bill, a hefsed merubo

POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
sammygol
Member
Getzel!

Very very good, or do I say wunderbar?

POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
getzel1
Adds much humor here 🙂
>>>>From a marriage counselors diary<<< make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the
> evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two
> of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am commanding you to
> build an Ark.” In a flash of lightning, He delivered the specifications
> for an Ark.
>
> Six months later… “Noah,” called the Lord, “Where is the Ark?” “Lord,
> please forgive me!” begged Noah. “I did my best. But there were big
problems.
>
> “First, I had to get a building permit for the Ark construction
> project, and your plans didn’t meet code. So, I had to hire an engineer
> to re-draw the plans. Then I got into a big fight over whether or not
> the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system.
>
> “Then, my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning by
> building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the
> city planning commission. Then, I had problems getting enough wood for
> the Ark. There was a ban on cutting trees to save the Spotted Owl. I had
> to convince the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Agency that I needed the wood to
> SAVE the owls. But they wouldn’t let me catch any. So, no owls.
>
> “The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to
> negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before
> anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now we have sixteen carpenters on
> the Ark, and still no owls.
>
> “Then, I started gathering up animals and got sued by an animal rights
> group. They objected to me taking only two of each kind. Just when I got
> the suit dismissed, EPA notified me that I couldn’t complete the Ark
> without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood.
> They didn’t take kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over
> the conduct of the Supreme Being.
>
> “Then, the Army Corp of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed new
> flood plain. I gave them a globe. Right now, I’m still trying to resolve
> a complaint from the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission over how
> many Croatians I’m supposed to hire. The IRS has seized all my assets,
> claiming I’m trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country. And, I
> just got a notice from the state about owing them some kind of use tax.
>
> “I really don’t think I can finish the Ark for at least another five
> years,” Noah wailed.
>
> The sky began to clear. The sun began to shine. A rainbow arched across
> the sky. Noah looked up and smiled, “You mean you’re not going to
> destroy the earth?” he asked hopefully.
>
> “No”, said the Lord sadly. “The government already has.”

POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
yoshi
Member
Here’s one for the kiddies out there:

A man walks into a bar…….

Ouch!

POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
ronrsr
Member
A termite walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Is this bar tender, bartender?”

POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
ronrsr
Member
A rabbi, a priest and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender asks, “Is this some sort of joke?”

POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
ronrsr
Member
A Texan is trying to impress an Israeli visitor with how big things are in America.

“I can get in my car in the morning, drive all day, and at night, I’ll still be on my ranch.”

“You know,” says the Israeli, “I used to have a car like that, too.”

and, for the younger folks:

I drive a Rolls-Canardly: It rolls down one hill, and can ‘ardly get up the next.

POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
ronrsr
Member
A man calls the fire department to report a fire in his house, on 123 Elm St?

“How do we get there?” asks the answering fireman.

“Don’t you still have those big red trucks?” asks the homeowner.

In a bus station, a man asks the busdriver, “Does this bus go to Duluth?” (note: Duluth is a city in Minnesota)

“No,” the busderiver replies, “It goes ‘beep beep’.”

POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
getzel1
Adds much humor here 🙂
A man feared his wife wasn’t hearing as well as she used to and he
thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach
her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband
could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

Here’s what you do,” said the Doctor, “stand about 40 feet away from
her, and in a normal con versational speaking tone see if she hears you.

If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a
response.”

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was
in the den. He says to himself, “I’m about 40 feet away, let’s see what
happens.” Then in a normal tone he asks, ‘Honey, what’s for dinner?”

No response.

So the husband moves closer to the k itchen, about 30 feet from his
wife and repeats, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from
his wife and asks, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”

Again he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. “Honey,
what’s for dinner?”

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. “Honey, what’s for dinner?”

(I just love this)

“Ralph, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!”

POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
getzel1
Adds much humor here 🙂
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below.
She shouted to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour
ago, but I don’t know where I am.”
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.
“She rolled her eyes and said, “You must be a Republican.” “I am,” replied the man. “How did you know?”

“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically Correct. However, I have no idea what to do with your information, and I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help to me.”

The man smiled and responded, “You must be an Obama Democrat.”
“I am,” replied the balloonist. “How did you know?”
“Well,” said the man, “you don’t know where you are or where you are going. You’ve risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air.
You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem.
You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but
somehow, now it’s my fault.”

POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
aaryd621
Member
a guy is walking around with a carrot in his ear, somebody asks him “why is there a carrot in your ear?” so he says “i cant here you i have a carrot in my ear”

POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
YW Moderator-80
Member
aardy
the topic title is “good” jokes…;-)

POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
ronrsr
Member
A bar walks into a guy. Oops! wrong frame of reference. Sorry.

A Frenchman walks into a bar and he has a parrot on his shoulder. The parrot is wearing a baseball cap. And the bartender says, “Hey, that’s neat  where did you get that?” And the parrot says, “France  they’ve got millions of them there.”

A guy goes into a bar, orders four shots of the most expensive 30-year-old single-malt Scotch and downs them one after the other. The barkeep says, “You look like you’re in a hurry.” “You would be too if you had what I have,” said the guy. “What have you got?” “Fifty cents.”

A guy walks into a bar with a pair of jumper cables wrapped around his neck and orders a Scotch and soda. The bartender says, “O.K., but don’t start anything.”

POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
haifagirl
Chief of Grammar Enforcement Commandos
A guy goes into a bar, orders four shots of the most expensive 30-year-old single-malt Scotch and downs them one after the other.

Sherry cask, bourbon cask, etc.?

POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
ronrsr
Member
“Hey Bartender. Pour me a cold one.” “Hey, go on, kid, you wanna get me in trouble?” “Maybe later; right now I just wanna beer.”

A pickle walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, you’re a pickle! What are you doing here?” The pickle says, “Well for starters, I’m celebrating the fact that I can walk.”

EDITED

POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
ronrsr
Member
I can’t say which, but the man was wearing a colored shirt, and had already been vaccinated against H1N1 flu. He did not own a gun, but had two dogs, one of which was an excellent guard dog. He planned on eating three sufganiyot for Chanukah 5770, and wouldn’t enter a shidduch goral even if it included frozen girls. His shirt smelled slightly of mold, though he had tried everything to get rid of the smell. He addressed his rav thus: “What’s up, Rav?” He wore jeans ever since he was in yeshiva.

What? What? The topic of this thread is “Good Jokes.” Ooops.

POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
haifagirl
Chief of Grammar Enforcement Commandos
ronrsr: I still can’t stop laughing. After all the stale jokes that I’ve read at least three times each on various threads, it was nice to read something original.

POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
A600KiloBear
Inactive, per member request
BS”D

One fine summer day, Gimpel called his mother from Machane Gan Oisvorf, a summer camp for kids at risk. They spoke for a few minutes and then his father took the phone:

“Gimpel, who is the learning director at camp? Is he good? What is he teaching you?”

“Tatty, he is a really cool dude who said he learned in a really rad yeshiva in Harlem. When I told Mommy what he was teaching me though, she said, don’t you dare tell Tatty that or he’ll pull you out of camp and give you such a potch!”

POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
smartcookie
Member
600kilo- I don’t get the joke.

POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
getzel1
Adds much humor here 🙂
There was a student that made a lot of problems in class; he fought
with classmates, made a lot of noise

The teacher tried a lot of things, but nothing helped.

He decided to tell the father about his sons behavior.

Father: What do you want me to do?

Teacher: Maybe take him for a check-up.

Father: How is that going to help?

Te acher: Maybe the child should take Ritalin (a calming drug).

Father: How am I going to get this Ritalin?

Teacher: No problem, Ill get it, and the child should take the pill
every morning and everything will be o.k….

Father: Who is going to remember to give it to the child every day in
a house full of children?

Teacher: Ill worry about it. Ill make sure he takes it every morning.

Father: But I dont want the whole class to know about it.

Teacher: No, no, Ill make sure that no one sees. Ill put the pill
in the teachers room next to the coffee machine. Every morning Ill
send your son to make my coffee and at the same time hell take his
pill. Like this no one will know.

The father agreed to the plan. Every morning the teacher prepared the
pill next to the coffee machine and went into class. After a few
minutes the child would come in with the coffee, and everything went
fine.

And now the atmosphere in the class was calm. The child wasnt sent
out of class and there were no fights!

After a few weeks, the mother asked the child: Nu, whats doing in class?

Child: Great!

Mother: What happened that everythings so good?
Child: Its very simple. Every morning the teacher sends me to make
his coffee. I go into the teachers room and there theres a special
pill! I put the pill into the coffee and after he finishes to drink
it, everything in the class is 100%!!!

POSTED 3 YEARS AGO #
getzel1
Adds much humor here 🙂
The mayor of Haifa was very worried about a plague of pigeons in Haifa.
He could not remove the pigeons from the city. All of Haifa was full of
pigeon poop, the people of Haifa could not walk on the sidewalks, or drive
on the roads.

It was costing a fortune to keep the streets and sidewalks clean.
One day a man came to City Hall and offered the Mayor a proposition.
‘I can rid your beautiful city of its plague of pigeons without any cost to
the city. But, you must promise not to ask me any questions.
Or, you can pay me one million dollars to ask one question.’
The mayor considered the offer briefly and accepted the free proposition.

The next day the man climbed to the top of City Hall, opened his coat, and
released a blue pigeon. The blue pigeon circled in the air and flew up into
the bright blue sky.

All the pigeons in Haifa saw the blue pigeon and gathered up in the air
behind the blue pigeon. The Haifa pigeons followed the blue pigeon as she
flew southward out of the city.

The next day the blue pigeon returned completely alone to the man atop City
Hall.

The Mayor was very impressed. He felt the man and the blue pigeon had
performed a wonderful miraculous service to rid Haifa of the plague of
pigeons. Even though the man with the pigeon had charged nothing, the mayor
presented him with a check for 1 million dollars and told the man that,
indeed, he did have a question to ask and even though they had agreed to no
fee and the man had rid the city of pigeons, he decided to pay the 1 million
just to get to ask ONE question.
The man accepted the money and told the mayor to ask his ONE question.
Do you think the Mayor is going to ask how the blue pigeon led all the
pigeons away?

Do you think the Mayor is going to ask where all the pigeons went?
Do you think he is going to ask where the man got the blue pigeon?