Spiritual Awakening

I remember well that cold, wet February evening when I walked in to my first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. I believe that the minute I walked in the door my spirit began to awaken from a deep and deadly sleep. The room was bright, warm, full of people with love for me before they even learned my name. Yes, I inwardly rolled my eyes at the corny slogans on the wall -- One Day at a Time and Easy Does It – but the atmosphere of the room reached a part of me that had grown as cold as the weather outside.

A kind woman gave me the A.A. Big Book and in it she wrote, “It’s a WE deal!” Apparently, that was the topic of that night’s discussion. All I can remember was the talk about God. I thought God had abandoned me and I cried through most of the meeting.

A few members of the group invited me to dinner and I followed them to a local restaurant. I had a bowl of soup and listened to their happy conversation about their lives and how A.A. worked. When a young man asked if I still had alcohol in the house, I answered honestly, yes. I believe that was the first fruit of my spiritual awakening, that simple honest answer from me – a person who lied when telling the truth would be just as easy. Someone else asked me if I could pour it out when I got home. Again, an honest answer came from me when I admitted that I didn’t think I could do it. It was suggested that I put it outside, away from sight. I believed I could do that much and I did.

I was so hungry for relief from the agony of my alcoholism that I read almost the entire Big Book before I went to sleep. I also prayed the Serenity Prayer that night and the miracle of my spiritual awakening really kicked in.

By the time I started on my second step with the guidance of a sponsor, I had become reacquainted with the God of love I’d grown to know as a child. I had no trouble turning my will and my life over to the care of God when I did my Third Step on the banks of a beautiful little creek near my home group.

The rest of the steps weren’t as easy or maybe I wasn’t quite as desperate but I did them to the best of my ability. When I got to Step Eleven, it was like coming to an oasis. Establishing “conscious contact” with something I couldn’t see, hear or touch was a challenge but the process of prayer and meditation brought me then and now into contact with a loving force beyond my understanding.

I arranged a small meditation spot at a table with windows on two sides. I keep a small vase of fresh flowers, a candle, my journals, a meditation book, my bible and a few other things that are special to me. Almost every morning, I make time for what I call “Coffee with Jesus” at this small table. My gray cat often joins me and as I enjoy this quiet time with my Lord and we watch the birds and squirrels in the backyard.

Currently, I’m struggling with a couple of life’s challenges and I have to admit that I’ve been discouraged and questioned God’s love for me as well as his very existence. Nevertheless, I continue to have that brief quiet time at my table in the mornings. It enriches my spiritual connection even in these times of doubt. If I keep at it, I know my spirit will continue to awaken a little more day by day in spite of trouble and the difficulties that life presents me. God is good!

Comments

Thank you so very much for your honesty in sharing your experience, strength, & hope about your very 1st AA meeting! It took me back to my 1st meeting. I also was given a "Big Book" copy. I too went home & read it, & "The Chapter to the Employer" is what jumped out for me!! I NEVER want to go thru getting sober again. I also loved what you shared about your "spiritual routine" & how you begin it each day with God. I STILL struggle with my quiet time, but as long as I continue to make an honest effort to connect with Him, his grace is sufficient. Also, I firmly believe, "meeting makers make it"! I really loved your honesty, by sharing your experience, strength, & hope. Thank you, again, for making my day & recovery a little bit better, today.