Monday, January 21, 2008

If nights are a beautiful visual treat then i am supposed to enjoy it and not sleep all through, Sometimes my own sentences don't make sense to me,and well,thats what i always say,what i feel need not be logical always,and what i say need not mean what i actually feel,confusing,it is,words always confuse me and silence always brings me solutions, i am in a profession where i use words all day,to make others listen to me,to convince others, to make them silent,to make them smile and at times to make them bored too, and its all a play of words and people decide if they like me or not based on a bunch of words, but what makes me smile is when i stand there,on the dais,silent, just watching the surroundings,looking at them and not using a single word and there comes the silence, pin drop silence,all of them looking at me,waiting for me to say something and all i give them is a smile,which just pops up with out my knowledge and they all start smiling too,giggling and then burst into a laughter....Its been 8 yrs into the profession and i am still not bored,i want to be a teacher, and nothing else,and yes,the one who says i am stupid to waste my time,energy,career, i just have a smile for you too:)

Past two days i must have re winded the song " do diwane shehar mein, raat mein yaa dopahar mein,aabudhanaa dhoondhate hai,ek aashiyanaa dhoondhate hain,in bhoolabhoolaiyyaa galiyon mein..." in my mind atleast 20 times, after traveling for more than 200km all around the city past two days and after checking out about 20 apartments we have not yet given up, we will have that ek aashiyana very soon, touch wood:) and by the way the song has the line which goes like..... "apanaa bhee koee yek ghar hogaa,ambar pe khulegii khidkii, ,yaa khidkii pe khula ambar hogaa,asamaani rang ke ankho.n mein, Asmaani yeah aasmani???"What a beautiful song.....and only gulzar could have said this.......... "jab taare jameen par chalthe hain, aakaash jameen ho jaataa hain,woh raat nahiin fir ghar jaataa,woh chaand yahiin so jaataa hain" Gharonda, the movie was made in 1977 and i enjoy the music till date and so is the film,some things get better with time, Music is one and i say so does your memories:) There was a time when i thought and said Its all over,and today i know i have a long way to go,Not long ago i was walking alone the same lanes and today the hand is held firm and we just walk dreaming about a future, not long ago the tears never stopped and now when i remember i just smile and thank god,for the experience and for the memories, Life gets better each day.

At 1.30am i am listening to the beautiful and one of my favourite from Jhankar Beats which sums it up,...........Tu Hai Aasmaan Main ,Teri Yeh Zameen Hai

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

I was in school when the movie was released and i watched it when i was in my graduation i guess but after that i must have watched 10 times when cable TV was not the in thing and we could see regional movies on Sunday afternoon and one lucky day i watched it in Telugu also, one of the best movies of Indian film industry and with Maniratnam and Illayaraja nothing can ever go wrong.

There was no sign of sun rays yet, its cold but i enjoy the fog and i just kept walking, First time, yeah, its been a year since we shifted to Bangalore,Yes,exactly a year and first time of this one year i ventured out alone to walk to the temple,Something i just have forgotten to do after coming here, but today i wanted to,i felt like running away from the confines of the flat,which for most of the day is locked or closed and curtains drawn and in silence.I wanted the fresh air,i wanted to hear the voices,And i set off,to the temple,it was too early for the ultra modern Bangalorean to wake up and venture out on a cold winter day and the sounds of chirping birds and barking dogs greeted me and i smelled coffee, heavenly coffee being brewed, Wonder why i never tasted it till date but it felt good and then the song came to me, of the movie i mentioned, MOUNA RAGAM, the tamil version, i don't understand the lyrics and for the first time,its dint matter, i heard the song coming out from some where, someone who is listening to Illayaraja at 6am on the first of January,wish i knew who it was.......but rest of the walk,i was humming,...."nilaavae vaa sellaadhae vaa, ennaalum un ponvaanam naan,enai needhaan pirindhaalum ninaivaalae anaiththaenae,nilaavae vaa....."

she came and sat next to me,just for two minutes, must be of 5 yrs, absorbing the silence maybe, she was wearing her silk blouse and skirt and with chandan on her forhead and a rose in her hair,she looked so beautiful,maybe the innocence and a simple smile can make anyone look beautiful, she just sat there while her mother and father did the parikrama, then slowly she went to the near by plant and touched the flowers,slowly, she was touching the dew drops,and then she smiled,first slowly and then she ran,laughing,and i heard her telling her dad about her discovery, "Did it rain" her question.. and he was explaining.."No,but..."i just walked off, Leaving her with her dad, with just one question still at some dark corner of my world which is lingering around for past 17yrs.. Does he miss us? how is it to be with both dad and mom.Strange,certain questions never leave you. do they???"Ek roj zindagi ke ru-baru aa baithe..., zindagi ne poocha..dard kya hai..? Kyun hota hai..?Kahan hota hai, yeh bhi toh pata nahi chalta....,Tanhai kya hai aakhir...?Kitne log toh hain...fir tanha kyun ho...?,Mera chehra dekh kar zindagi ne kaha...,main tumhari judwa hun...mujhse naaraz na hua karo...!!"

And there it was,the first rays of sun gracing the world gently and the numbness in my limbs is off,rubbing my hands together i rushed back home,to the silence,to the closed indoors,to the confines of my flat,to get ready,to face the world in a few minutes,when i come out at 8am to leave for work,i can never hear that song from mounaragam, no birds chirping around,the dew and fog vanish and so does the silence and freshness butthen there is always Another New Day..Isn't it:)