coward

These days I often wonder where i would end up in the future. Whether i’ll be successful or unsuccessful? Whether everything i’ve worked for until now is useless. Whether i’ve been born to be a loser so that the winners can stand out. I wonder what happens to people like me? So far i haven’t seen anyone successful people that are similar to mine.

By the way, this is not one of my self-pitying post. I just want to express what i feel about some things. You see, even as a kid, i have always been cast aside no matter what activities they have going on. Where do i go wrong? Don’t most kids easily make friends? Yet, why am i a loner even as a kid? Is it because i’m not as pretty or as charming as the others, or if i really was just born with the talent of being invisible? I never know. What it irks me is that, no one ever gave me a chance to prove myself (as a kid, i mean cause i understand as you grow older you have to find your own chances). As a kid, i believe that if i worked hard enough, if i prayed hard enough, i might one day outshine them and let the people that looked down on me. They are all getting more and more successful, but i’m still stuck in a rut. Why? Why am i always losing? Even though i tried so hard? Am i just meant to keep losing to them?

Crap, this ended up as a self-pitying post anyway. I’m sorry for anyone that has to put up with me. But I’m going to keep moving forward, working as hard as i can to catch up to them and eventually overtake them. Even if i keep losing. I’m not going back to being a mess like i was last year. Even if until the end i wasn’t successful, there is a small but sad consolation that at least i’ve tried. Then, i can finally accept my fate as a loser. Until then, i’ll keep fighting against fate.