Locus of Control

by AspiringDonJuan

I read about a principle the other day that has been touched on here,
but I don't think fully explained. It is known as Locus of Control, and
basically comes down to what you see as the determining factors in life
and your own influence on things.

A person who sees himself as having ultimate control over his life and
everything that happens is said to have an internal locus.

On the other hand, if a person sees his life as being manipulated by
factors outside of his control, he is said to have an external locus.

In general, people with an internal locus are more successful than those
with an external locus. However, it goes further. It can get a bit complicated,
but quite simply the locus can be different for success and failure.

For example, if Johnny picks up a woman, he might say, "I am just such
a great guy." On the other hand, Billy might say, "I was lucky tonight,
she must be desperate, I guess the moon was in the right phase, etc." Johnny
has an internal locus when it comes to success, whereas Billy has an external
one.

Now, when Johnny is unsuccessful in picking up, he might say, "Boy that
woman must be having a bad day." Whereas Billy might say, "Jeez, I really
stuffed things up again, I am such a loser."

This time when it comes to failure, Johnny has an external locus whereas
Billy has an internal locus.

In general, people with a reasonably external locus of control (I'll
get to why I say "reasonably" in a minute) in relation to failure will be
more successful, because they keep up a more optimistic outlook.

Incidentally, Johnny's attitude should look familiar to the advice posted
on this site, whereas Billy's might sound a little like your old pre-Don
Juan days.

So what am I driving at? It should be obvious, but in case you missed
the point, I'll spell it out.

You must accept that you control your own destiny and keep the internal
locus when it comes to success. However, you must realize also that interactions
with other people require some of their control, so when you fail, it is
often not your doing -- maintain an external locus for failure.

Having said this, it is important to keep some internal focus on failure
in certain cases so that you can learn from your mistakes, but not so much
that you get discouraged. You have to find a balance.