Saturday, November 13, 2010

Anyone who watches too much TV has seen the recent Toyota Highlander commercials with this ugly kid basically saying he hates his parents for being poor.

In a perfect world, this commercial would just be Christopher Lambert running up to this kid, cutting off his head, yelling "THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!" and then a flash of the car's name. Of course, we don't live in a perfect world, so we get several commercials of this talking mop complaining about the car his parents drive. Kid, be glad you have a bed to sleep in. If I were your parent, I'd have you sleeping on top of a pile of dead raccoons in the back yard.

The parents should really just tell him to walk to school. Better yet, make him carry them around in a rickshaw. I mean seriously, the kid makes it sound like he wants to have sex with the car. If your kid complains about the type of car you drive, you really should tell them to get a job and buy you a new one. Or just tell them "you're not getting anything for your birthday ever again, I had to buy a new car to shut you up."

If these kids want to be mad at their parents for something, they should be mad at them for making them so ugly. I mean, look at these kids:

Casting directors hit the jackpot on the hideous kids with gross hair. Was that Toyota's aim?

If they were smart, they'd start marketing the alternative fuel source I mentioned earlier = ugly child powered rickshaw. It's sad that I can't cash in on the market, but quite frankly I hate children too much to even try.

About Me

Ian Covelli is an audio engineer and musician in Illinois in the band CrankPope, as well as the solo projects Satan's Basement, The Astronaut King, and DJ Fartbot. Other bands and collaborations have included "Suffering Luna with The Astronuat King," Torpedo Minefield, DJ Fartbot Vs Kirche Gothika, NoComply (2008-2013), and The Violent Sheep (2005?-2006?).