Be careful what you wish for…

In those two weeks I have learned a valuable lesson, which I am willingly to share with you right now.
Be careful what you wish for.
Yep. It is that simple.
I wanted him to be a little upset when facing a whole three hours without me for the first time in his three years on the earth.
I wanted him to ‘need’ me.
I wanted to be the only one able to console him and I wanted him to act like I was the most important person in his life.
Well; I got all that and more at the beginning of week two.
And I deserved it, I know.
He screamed “mammy don’t leave me” as I tried to leave the room. These words cut me so deep that I froze and tried to console him. I sat cuddling him and trying to explain over his sobs that I always come back for him, so therefore I was not leaving him per say.
The teachers were trying to speak in code to me– they tried to tell me to just leave because I was really dragging this ‘shit-fit’ out by still being present 15 minutes after drop off.
I have never had this experience – a child of mine begging for me to stay or to take him home again. I mistook the teacher’s signals as ‘take your time’ instead of ’ just go and he will be fine, we promise’ — they had to spell it out for me when home time came around — sorry teachers, for a mother of three, I am such a newbie.
The second day I tried, I tried so hard to just go but the tiny hands around my thigh insisted I stay. He bawled. I felt like bawling too– what the hell was happening ? Is this even the same kid who skipped to school five minutes beforehand ? And is this really what I was a missing all those years ago when dropping my other two boys to their first days of school? I am an idiot for wanting my baby to miss me .
By the third day he was making excuses up —
“But mammy nobody is going to school today, it’s a surprise day off”

“But mammy I will be left in the cupboard or press without my sword”

“But mammy I need a rest from this stress”

“But mammy I know it all already! For Kelly’s sake” ( I have no idea who Kelly is either)
The third morning , I got as far as the door, kissed him and told him that this is as far as I can come because he gets too upset and then mammy gets upset. So today we will try it teachers way and see how he goes.
He cried. Of course he cried.
I can honestly tell you, my patience was wearing thin, I didn’t feel guilty anymore, this was the first morning since he started school that I had a coffee date and had planned to use the three hours for me instead of appointments, phone calls and emails– this morning was mine and I didn’t have the time for the tears .
“Oh Dee come on man! You know I’ll be back in three hours for you” I bent down and wiped his tears.
“I know” he sobbed. “ I just wanted to cry for a bit”
“Okay. So you’re finished now?” I asked.
He nodded and off he went, still deep breathing but not crying.
By the fourth morning he was informing me that the weekend was first then Easter was coming.
He declared after the fourth collection time that he was ‘free from crying’.
This was music to my ears.
Day five he shed a few tears but nothing nearly as dramatic as Monday.
By Saturday he had declared that the teacher told him school is closing early for the Easter and for his aunt’s wedding .
Obviously I have told him that that is not true.
“Monday you have school again until Friday, then it’s the weekend again”
“Do I? …ummhhhh…ah..I don’t think I will agree to you. How about I have school on brother day finger and baby finger day – is that a deal mammy?”
(For those of you who have no idea what brother finger or baby finger is referring to, I bloody envy you, for those of you who do know — hold strong, we will outgrow this stage, I am sure of it!)
And so the morale of my tale is be very careful what you wish for…. as I secretly whisper…
Brad Pitt