The North Star Gender Identity Spouses Support Community email group is a moderated forum for wives of men and husbands of women whose spouses have feelings of dissonance between their physical gender and their internal sense of gender identity. Currently married and prospective spouses are welcome.

This group is designed to provide an open and supportive forum of discussion for committed Latter-day Saints or friends of the Church who desire to strengthen their marriages, succor and support one another in what can be very trying or discouraging circumstances, learn how to best support our spouses in their challenges, and/or heal, grow, and educate ourselves, our children, our families, and our communities.

Since this group is composed of a large variety of individuals with very different views of how to live with gender variance or gender identity incongruence, a large variety of different opinions and viewpoints are represented. In order to create a community where everyone is safe it is necessary to foster dialogue that encourages universal support.

All emails will be carefully moderated.

North Star has no official position detailing how individuals should live with gender variance or gender identity incongruence. In harmony with Elder Jeffrey R. Holland’s counsel that if you are “confused with gender identity… Whatever other steps you may need to take to resolve these concerns, come first to the gospel of Jesus Christ” (“Broken Things to Mend,” Ensign, May 2006), we would encourage individuals to prayerfully and patiently seek for individual answers. We each have been given agency and every individual is free to make their own choices. Each choice carries its own set of difficulties and consequences. The purpose of this community is to help individuals come closer to Christ no matter where they are at in their own personal journey. Remember, official Church doctrine and policy regarding how to live with gender variance or gender identity incongruence is largely undefined, and group members should be extremely careful to not make generalized declarations regarding Church doctrines or policies that have not been expressly taught by Church leaders.

Gender Identity Qualifications / Commitment of Membership #1

COMMITMENT OF MEMBERSHIP #1

The North Star Gender Identity Spouses Support Community email group is a moderated forum for wives of men and husbands of women whose spouses have feelings of dissonance between their physical gender and their internal sense of gender identity. Currently married and prospective spouses are welcome.

This group is designed to provide an open and supportive forum of discussion for committed Latter-day Saints or friends of the Church who desire to strengthen their marriages, succor and support one another in what can be very trying or discouraging circumstances, learn how to best support our spouses in their challenges, and/or heal, grow, and educate ourselves, our children, our families, and our communities. Because our aim is specifically to encourage individuals to maintain covenants and to strengthen marriage, we encourage those who might intend to discourage individuals in their marriages or from getting married to seek support in another forum.

By joining the North Star Gender Identity Spouses online discussion group, you are certifying that:

- you personally are dealing with issues related to a spouse who struggles with gender dysphoria or gender variance and the effects it has on you, your marriage, and/or family.

Anyone who joins under false pretenses will be removed.

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I confirm that I fit this description, and that these are my intentions

Commitment of Membership # 2

COMMITMENT OF MEMBERSHIP #2

I commit to affirm the doctrines and teachings of the Church. North Star wholly supports the doctrines and teachings of the Church related to the appropriate bounds of romantic and sexual expression...

Specifically that “marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children,” and that “God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.”

We also affirm the teaching of modern prophets that "Each [person] is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and... [that] gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose" (“The Family: A Proclamation to the World”).

Posting content or arguments that undermine Church doctrines and teachings—particularly those concerning the sacred and eternal nature of sexuality, gender, marriage, and the family—or dissuade members from keeping covenants is strictly prohibited.

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I confirm that I fit this description, and that these are my intentions

Commitment of Membership #3

COMMITMENT OF MEMBERSHIP #3

I commit to maintain confidences.

You will keep all content, names, and personal information strictly confidential...

And obtain permission before forwarding, discussing, or summarizing messages here with anyone who is not a member of this specific discussion group, including spouses or other family members.

For family members, when discussing your situation or experiences, please be mindful of the stated desire for privacy and anonymity of those loved ones for whom you wish to be a support. Many men and women who experience same-sex attraction or gender dysphoria also experience high levels of anxiety about their feelings being known to others. As such, we encourage sensitivity to those feelings and to maintain the level of confidentiality and anonymity for your loved ones that they wish to maintain for themselves.

Be mindful of confidences when posting the same message across multiple groups (cross-posting).

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Commitment of Membership # 4

COMMITMENT OF MEMBERSHIP #4

I commit to appropriate behavior in both public and private. Sexually explicit materials are not allowed, such as graphic descriptions of sexual experiences, nude or erotic images, or coarse, vulgar, or offensive language.

Any private acting out between people who have met through this group or at any event advertised through this group will be grounds for removal.

You must notify group moderators immediately if approached by any current or former group member for any inappropriate behavior, which includes any sexually-based behavior or threatening/violent behavior or language. Please be prepared to forward the conversation to the moderator word for word if possible. Failure to disclose knowledge of such activities may be grounds for removal from this group.

These commitments apply to posts and comments made openly to the group and in private messaging

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I confirm that I fit this description, and that these are my intentions

Commitment of Membership #5

COMMITMENT OF MEMBERSHIP #5

I commit to adhere to the norms of online etiquette.

Subject Headings: As a courtesy for those viewing email in a public forum, please refrain from using sexually- or homosexually-related words in the subject headings.

ALL CAPS is generally viewed as yelling. Use sparingly.

Respect other people’s time. When you post to a discussion group, avoid posting frivolous content. While posts that foster community can be appropriate, please avoid light-minded posts that distract from others’ need/requests for support.

Review your message before you hit send. Although this is a confidential environment, once an email has been posted, there is no way to retract it, so think carefully about the content of your message. Also, grammar and spelling errors make it difficult for your audience to read, so please re-read your messages before posting them.
frivolous content. While posts that foster community can be appropriate, please avoid light-minded posts that distract from others’ need/requests for support.

Review your message before you hit send. Although this is a confidential environment, once an email has been posted, there is no way to retract it, so think carefully about the content of your message. Also, grammar and spelling errors make it difficult for your audience to read, so please re-read your messages before posting them.

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I confirm that I fit this description, and that these are my intentions

Commitment of Membership #6

COMMITMENT OF MEMBERSHIP #6

This group is not a replacement for personal therapy nor is it a journal or weblog. If you are in a place of trauma in your life or marriage, please seek out professional help.

Posting vague requests for support or “cries” for help or rescuing can cause the group to feel powerless. Please be specific with your requests and clearly focus your requests on how folks might meet your needs.

Please speak only for yourself and only about your own experience, feelings, and beliefs using “I-statements” wherever possible; never use “you should” statements. Avoid giving unsolicited advice.

This is not a place for sarcasm, shaming, name calling, blame/fault finding, demands/threats, or correcting others. Leave correction and conflict resolution to the moderation team.

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I confirm that I fit this description, and that these are my intentions

Commitment of Membership # 7

COMMITMENT OF MEMBERSHIP #7

I commit to be sensitive to others’ feelings and be open to diverse experiences.

For this group to remain a safe place for everyone, especially those who are new to this community, we need to be kind to one another.

We expect that all who post messages will do so with an attitude of love and friendship. Heartfelt discussion is encouraged. Disagreement, debate, and bantering are welcome, so long as they remain respectful and friendly. Avoid contention, insults, and unkind criticism. Outside of a few clear, gospel-centered values, many viewpoints and opinions are represented here; so, you cannot expect or insist that everyone will automatically share yours.

If you disagree with a post, you have two options: ignore it or reply with your own experiences without diminishing others feelings or experiences. Ask yourself, “What is it like to be on the other side of me?” Remember that there is a real person on the other end of whatever you put out there.

Some members of this group may struggle with their testimonies; please be willing to offer support to strengthen their resolve to live the gospel.

Approach differences with an open mind, kindness, and humility and allow each individual the privilege of a safe environment to seek support to live the principles of the gospel.

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I confirm that I fit this description, and that these are my intentions

Commitment of Membership #8

COMMITMENT OF MEMBERSHIP #8

I commit to support North Star’s mission.
Posting events and resources

You may only post or advertise groups, activities, internet sites, or publications whose ideals or content are in harmony with the core values and teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ—whether from secular or religious sources.

Events or resources referenced must be explicitly and exclusively supportive of the values and behavioral standards of the Church.

All events or resources must be approved by a moderator before posting. Please give the moderators plenty of time for review.

Political Advocacy

While North Star supports the doctrines and teachings of the Church relative to marriage, family, and the appropriate bounds of sexuality, we are not a political advocacy organization and posts of this nature are out of line with the mission of North Star and may not be posted.

Moderators may remove any post at any time if found to conflict with North Star’s mission and purpose. When in doubt ask a moderator first.

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I confirm that I fit this description, and that these are my intentions

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For example: some people include family or home situation, whether or not others know about their situations, etc.

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I would like to receive individual emails. ( Usually several per day )

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Upon submitting your application, you will be signed up to receive a short series of messages that will help you make the best of your online community experience.

Please note! After the request is submitted, please allow 3-5 days for it to be processed!

North Star is a faith-affirming resource for Latter-day Saints addressing sexual orientation and gender identity, and who desire to live in harmony with the teachings of Jesus Christ and the doctrines and values of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. More about us.

PO Box 95226
South Jordan, UT 84095

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North Star International is a 501(C)3 non-profit organization. North Star is not owned by or affiliated with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and site content should not be interpreted as official statements of Church doctrine, belief, or practice. While North Star wholly supports the doctrines and values of the Church of Jesus Christ, all views expressed or errors made are the sole responsibility of site contributors.