After a ton of searching, I found this site on Sunday, and WE (my wife and I) feel better. She thought she was going out of her mind and I was afraid I was the one causing it. I tried to be empathetic, sympathetic and supportive to her perimenopausal conditions (all 35 of them) but nothing seemed to help. Then I found this site and when she peeked over my shoulder, she saw the "35" and shouted "That's me! I'm not going crazy!"

This is a great site with tons of info...thanks so much. Too bad there isn't a part of this forum for us husbands to share ideas of how to help our wives...not all of us are jerks or a-holes.

This site should be advertised in all the men's fishing, hunting, dirt biking, flying, etc., magazines as it's been a huge help for me. Thanks so much!

Starpoint12 wrote:This is a great site with tons of info...thanks so much. Too bad there isn't a part of this forum for us husbands to share ideas of how to help our wives...not all of us are jerks or a-holes.

This site should be advertised in all the men's fishing, hunting, dirt biking, flying, etc., magazines as it's been a huge help for me. Thanks so much!

Great post! This forum (Let's Discuss It) would be a good one for you to post in--welcome!!
I agree that men need to be educated in the woes of meno-mania also. Hell, there's many women that need to be taught more about it! I work with 3 men and I teach them what I can because they are all married plus they need to learn how to "put up" with me! I hope you and your wife read, read, read and learn the many ups and downs of meno.

Thanks, Starpoint12! Over the past 10 years, I have heard from many men and I created a page that would give them a lot of information about dealing with menopause, but I hadn't thought of advertising in men's magazines....great idea! Here's the page that I think you will find useful: http://www.minniepauz.com/male-menopause.html

I hope you will help pass the word along to your male friends...that's literally how the word got out about Minnie Pauz, from women telling other women, so it can work the same way with the men. Of course we need brave men like yourself to feel comfortable enough to bring up the subject to other men! Thanks for your wonderful comments and I hope to see you and your wife around here more often!! I will even create a section for men here JUST IN CASE other men might want to contribute!

Starpoint12 wrote:After a ton of searching, I found this site on Sunday, and WE (my wife and I) feel better. She thought she was going out of her mind and I was afraid I was the one causing it. I tried to be empathetic, sympathetic and supportive to her perimenopausal conditions (all 35 of them) but nothing seemed to help. Then I found this site and when she peeked over my shoulder, she saw the "35" and shouted "That's me! I'm not going crazy!"

This is a great site with tons of info...thanks so much. Too bad there isn't a part of this forum for us husbands to share ideas of how to help our wives...not all of us are jerks or a-holes. :oops:

This site should be advertised in all the men's fishing, hunting, dirt biking, flying, etc., magazines as it's been a huge help for me. Thanks so much!

You are really quite fortunate that your wife includes this dark odyssey with you and admits to it and you both, as a team, are facing this together as one. I praise you much as a man, for taking your woman's welfare into account and come to a place like this to get input and even help. I am a man and this is my 3rd day here and have learned a lot......mostly that I am not to blame and there are a whole mess load of women out there who are the same as my love in condition, for riding into this most troubling voyage.

I grew up cowboying in Montana and my mom and dad and I were quite close. When my mom went over into the 'frontier', it was dad and I that took care of her but it was really rough. Really rough.

Now, I'm facing it also only my woman is in total denial and I am the problem, which makes it very difficult.

I hope you come back here and post again and let us know how you are doing.

Living with a maiden with peri-menopause is like living inside the movie, the "Notebook".

Boanergez, hang in there as it will get better. When this first started about six months ago or so, it was hell on earth for both of us. We were headed toward a divorce or worse.

My wife just said to tell you she fully empathizes with your wife as she truly thought I was her "turd in the punchbowl". I, on the other hand, have walked miles in your shoes and there will come a day when you both can laugh about it. Until then, keep your chin up and remember how much you love her as that is what will get you through this.

I often found myself thinking about the things I loved about her when we met, when we got married, when we had our son, etc., to help me cope with this "beast" that had taken over my wife. And always remember that if it's tough on you, it's a million times tougher on her. Be kind, be respectful, try to empathize, and never, EVER look the beast in the eyes. (You've got to have a sense of humor or the experience will be very difficult).

Since my wife has gotten help, she has taken the saliva test and is in the process of getting help. She takes tons of vitamins prescribed by her ANP who is a goddess with this stuff - thank God for women like this lady as she knows all about this stuff. She's also helping my wife understand this process and is very good.

As my wife said, she was lost in the forest and thought the rest of the world was all crazy. My son and I tried to have empathy, never argue, never cross her, always walked on egg shells and told her we loved her, but nothing helped and it continually got worse. Once we mentioned the M word and I thought she was going to kill both of us. It got so bad that my son and I finally ended up ignoring her out of avoidance and she realized there was truly something wrong - the advoidance spoke volumes to her. As she said, we put her in the position to ask "Why?" which caused her to seek professional help. She truly thought we hated her and she needed help understanding it.

Things are much better now and I'm so glad we all hung in there as she is the love of my life. Hang in there and it will get better. If you have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) at your work, USE IT as it has helped us a ton. Menopause is this deep, dark secret that each of us (wives, husbands, kids) feel we must endure in secrecy. DON'T DO THAT as there is a ton of help out there and it is very common.

Bottom line - if you love her, hang in there and help her!

We didn't attend my company Christmas party this year as she didn't feel "right". I had told her all that week that we would go if she felt good...that afternoon she told me that she didn't feel like herself and that I should go...I didn't. As I told her, my supervisor and my coworkers - ther will always be other Christmas parties but I have only one wife. The choice was simple. Keep that attitude and all will be well in time.

Last edited by Starpoint12 on Sun Jan 28, 2007 2:18 am, edited 1 time in total.

Also, don't be afraid to talk to older female coworkers (35+) about this as they both treasure having a sympathetic ear and can help you understand what your wife is going through. They can also help give you doctor referrals that can help a ton...that's what helped us was a few very good women at work who gave me referrals and encouragement to keep the faith...they are angels!

Wonderful post, Starpoint! I hope you don't mind if I point my readers (male and female) to it in my next newsletter.

"Things are much better now and I'm so glad we all hung in there as she is the love of my life. Hang in there and it will get better. If you have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) at your work, USE IT as it has helped us a ton. Menopause is this deep, dark secret that each of us (wives, husbands, kids) feel we must endure in secrecy. DON'T DO THAT as there is a ton of help out there and it is very common."

That is why I created Minnie Pauz about 11 years ago....to bring it out of the closet, to shine a light on it and to get women laughing about it! What get's me is that I can't reach everyone who needs to know they're not alone and that there is help and HOPE! This process (of informing a world of women about menopause) is like trying to eat an elephant...just can't do it in one sitting.

Anyway, each person who tells another person will get the job done and husbands and partners like you guys will help other spouses to "get through it" too. Thanks!

I remember my first panidc attack at work, scary as all heck, had to call my DH who gave me the most wonderful "mental hug" and reassurance, then my boss and some little 25 y/o chickie (who will get payback! universe works that way) come over with a chocolate candy bar and a zero coke (can't drink it anyway, migraines) and tell me to get over the PMS...should have just gone home but stuck it out. BUt I guess that just points out some of the insensitivities and cluelessness we're fighting. And obviously it's working as these men are proof and Starpoint you are quite the role model for your son...give hima hug! and yourself one too!
Hugs Pam

It's never too late for a happy childhood!!
The more you live, the less you die!!
Well behaved women rarely make history.
DB: 1958
peri/hypothyroid/fibroids(myomectomy)
Pam

Colopam, thanks for the kind words but I'm not a perfect husband...just one that keeps on trying. I've never messed around on my wife of 19 years but do have those male temper tantrums every now and then. Yes, she's always stood by me through those and I feel this is the least I can do for her...other than standing by with a Zero coke and chocolate bar in my hands. Keep smiling!