It’s OKAYto have a Pity Party (sometimes)

I get a lot of emails and Tweets and whatnot from other parents with children on the spectrum. They typically are very positive. They’ll talk about how the read our book (and you should buy one too!), and will share some of their stories, frustrations, questions.

Every so often I’ll get comments where a mother or father (c’mon dads, need more of you to step up to the plate and be active in your child’s life!) will actually feel badly because they “aren’t there yet” when it comes to accepting and dealing with the diagnosis of their child.

I get comments from people saying, “I don’t want to be peppy and cheery all the time,” and “I’m not at a point where I can deal with our situation gracefully.”

I totally get that. I have been there…I still go there…P-L-E-N-T-Y.

As my wife so correctly put it in our book (did I mention you need to BUY IT), “You will never stop grieving, but you’ve got to get over it because if you don’t, it’s not helpful to you, your child, your family and your marriage.” Lot of truth in that.

I still mourn. I still get bummed when I think about the future and what may or may not be in store for my 7-year-old son….and that’s okay.

So I want all of you to hear this…IT’S OKAY TO HAVE A PITY PARTY from time-to-time.

No one is going to breeze through your situation. Like our children on the spectrum, our situations of grief and trials are completely different.

It’s okay to be sad, angry, confused, just flat out pissed off at what’s going on.

My son has started getting very emotional about things at home. If he doesn’t get something, he’ll start weeping and won’t let anyone see him or touch him. If the dog jumps on him, you’d think we just shot the dog…seriously, he is weeping at the drop of a hat. IT’S DRIVING ME (US) CRAZY!!!

I visited with a friend of mine about diet and family meal plans and we talked about how expensive and time consuming and all that it will be…yeah no kidding…it’s okay to be upset at that…have your pity party and then get back in the game.

I’m not perfect. You’re not perfect. No one is going to go through our trials without losing it from time-to-time. I just want you to know that it’s alright to do that…as long as you get over it quickly, don’t take it out on your child, and don’t make it a crutch.

Give yourself the permission to have a pity party about your situation. Give yourself permission to be sad, angry, scared. Give yourself permission to not want to have a rosy disposition about the state of your situation.