Send me email updates about messages I've received
on the site and the latest news from The CafeMom Team.By signing up, you certify that
you are female and accept the Terms of Service and have read the
Privacy Policy.

Adoptees Death Certificates

My older brother passed away this past Fall without leaving a will, or any directives as to his wishes for his funeral and internment. As I've seen firsthand- those details need to be spelled out and legalized in advance for (our) loved ones.

So, that is my New Years resolution. Update our wills, shop and prepay for our funeral, ect.

I just read a blog about adoptees deathcerts, and as I am going to be doing my 'planning', I have every intent on making my family aware of my wish to MAKE SURE my dcert lists my Original Mother as my Mother, for me, and to make my record clear for heritage and genealogy of my future kinships.

Will my surviving family just be able to tell the funeral director 'my grandmother is named ....' without any legal process for my deathcertificate?

It has been my experience with making final arrangements for several family members that no information is officially verified. You can put down your original mother's name and no one will ever know the difference.

If your state has parents listed on a death certificate (mine does not), yours will list your LEGAL mother as your mother. If it has anyone else down, it will be a forgery and therefore not a true and valid legal document. They might be able to have a special note put on it such as "Adopted: Birthfamily name is [blank]"

Answer by
Anonymous
at 5:16 PM on Dec. 27, 2009

Adopteeme, Happy Hoilidays to you, and I personally feel your request is a very sincere way to be finalized...going out of this world, with your TRUE GOD given name, and heritage...so kudos. I was just inquiring about my funeral/visitation...I was told I could have ANYTHING i wished for, as long as it was legalized with an attorney..(Missouri). I would suggest you contact one, usually a first consult is free, or very little:) Because I wish for my visitation, and going away party...to be a "life celebration", insteadof a sad "boo hoo' good bye, I needed to have this in writing and notared, which the attorney can do both. My attorney is awesome, he says ANYTHING I wish to say, have read, or played, is MY CHOICE! What can they do...sue you, or arrest you...LOL! Blessings my friend, C.J.

ADOPTEEME, I am sorry, I completely forgot to say what I had wanted to convey. I am so sorry to hear about your brother:( Please except my sncerest condolences. I hope you check into this, and get all you wish for:) Again Blessings, C.J.

I am pretty sure the first anon is correct, if the death cert lists parents, it will be your legal parents not your bio parents. I am pretty sure that the obit in the newspaper can say whatever you want though within reason.

I think there are some adoptee and adoption groups on cafemom, someone there may know better.

Answer by
Anonymous
at 7:51 PM on Dec. 27, 2009

I will be using the same attorney that did my amoms will and estate work. She is familiar with my adoptive status.

I will get legal counsel about naming my mother on my dcert. I plan on being upfront about my desire to (at least in death) leave a true account of heritage/bloodlines/ and genealogy for future generations.
I handled arrangements for both my aps funerals. To my knowledge though, I just gave them the names of my agrandparents, and city/state of birth for aps. Do they really verify the info provided to be legally correct before issuing a dcert?

All they can do is say no, right?
And forgery? Laughs out loud. Won't be the first time for me being on the 'wrong' side of the law obtaining my truth in reguards to WHICH of my Mothers gave birth to me, and which had coustody of me.

adopteeme, I think the reason that they ask for parents names and city of birth is to "cancel" out the "birth record" by the "death record". In other words, to make the "correct" person deceased. Does that make sense? I'm not really saying this right, and I understand what you are saying about geneology, but your birth family can trace with your adoption records thru name changes.

Db, you lost me on the second half of your answer. If I took no action, they'd record my aps on both the bcert and then dcert. I understand one cancels the other. But unless family records and passes the info on to ancestors, there would be no indication for someone doing genealogy in the future to know I was adopted, and that they were researching the wrong family.

I've considered it before, but it may come down to having to do an adult adoption for my records to show the truth. I'm not cool with that being a solution. I don't want my mother to have to adopt me back and be my 'amom'. Too flippin bad that back in the day they never even considered recording ALL parents on records of identity, or come up with a 'divorce' clause so records would revert back to simply showing WHO gave birth to me.

Is it me, or is it an emotional thing, for me to have had parents with legal authority to make decisions and take actions on my behalf as a minor, that my ancestry and bloodline had to be obliviated for eternity to achieve that?

Foster kids never formally adopted don't have to surrender their bloodline, even with terrible abuses commited against them.
Guardianships allow legal authority to an adult to parent without altering who carried and gave birth...
Adults can alter their sex on a bcert with a sex change without giving up the facts of their origins.

I'll just never understand and agree that it was necassary to document for all time that my adoptive mother gave 'birth' to me. It simply isn't so. It's a lie and a state approved forgery. Sigh

Hello, adopteemee -
I've been out of the loop last few months - I am so sorry to hear about your brother.

Let us know what happens with your legal advice... you raise a very good point.
I think an adopted adult should have a right to list their true heritage.
I don't think canceling out records should matter, because I think the key piece of info is your social security # anyway... not parents names.

I still think you should have a right to list your original family if you choose to.