POOR JOHN
(Music: Henry E. Pether / Lyrics: Fred W. Leigh - 1906)
Ada Jones - 1907
Victor Victoria - 1907
Martha Mears (dubbing Rita Hayworth in the film "Cover Girl") - 1944
I ought to think myself a lucky girl, I know,
'Cos I'm engaged, but still, somehow, I don't think so.
John, that's the name of my "finnonce", you see
There's no mistake, he's very fond of me.
He took me out for walks, and oh! he was so nice!
He always used to kiss me on the same place twice.
Often in the park we would sit and spoon,
And I was oh! so happy till the other afternoon.
John took me round to see his mother!
His mother his mother!
And while he introduced us to each other
She weighed up everything that I had on.
She put me through a cross examination;
I fairly boiled with aggravation.
Then she shook her head,
Looked at me and said,
"Poor John! poor John!"
As soon as she could get me all alone oh, dear!
She asked so many questions that I felt quite queer.
Thought John too young to take a wife just yet;
Asked when and where it was that we first met.
She said no girl could help but worship her dear son,
And told me pretty plainly what a Prize I'd won.
Started fairly slow, then she made a spurt,
And hoped that I knew how to put a tailpiece on a shirt.
John took me round to see his mother!
His mother his mother!
And while he introduced us to each other
She weighed up everything that I had on.
She put me through a cross examination;
I fairly boiled with aggravation.
Then she shook her head,
Looked at me and said,
"Poor John! poor John!"
She said, " Young girls today are all for outside show;
The clothes you see may look all right the rest oh, no!".
What she was driving at I soon made out;
My style of dress was too refined, no doubt.
Then all at once she gave a sigh, And cried, "Oh lor!
I wonder what on earth he wants to marry for!".
That was quite enough, up my temper flew;
Says I, "Perhaps it's so that he can get away from you!".
John took me round to see his mother!
His mother his mother!
And while he introduced us to each other
She weighed up everything that I had on.
She put me through a cross examination;
I fairly boiled with aggravation.
Then she shook her head,
Looked at me and said,
"Poor John! poor John!"
(Contributed by Peter Akers - February 2016)
********************
MALE VERSION:
I've got a silly sister, and her front name's Jane
We tried to get her married, but it's all in vain
Just when we fancied ev'ry hope was gone
She got her clutches on a chap called John
She told us lots about him, said he was so nice
Because he used to kiss her on the same place twice
Then there came a change, love was growing cold
We asked her what had happened, and this sad, sad tale she told
John took me round to see his mother!
His mother! His mother!
And while he introduced us to each other
She weighed up everything that I had on
She put me through a cross examination
I fairly boiled with aggravation
Then she shook her head, looked at me and said
"Poor John! Poor John!"
Said Jane, "I won't be taken there again, no fear!
His mother asked me questions till I felt quite queer
Thought John too young to take a wife just yet
Asked when and where it was that we first met
She said no girl could help but worship her dear son
And told me pretty plainly what aprize I'd won
Started very slow and then she made a spurt
And hoped that I knew how to put a tailpiece on a shirt"
John took me round to see his mother!
His mother! His mother!
And while he introduced us to each other
She weighed up everything that I had on
She put me through a cross examination
I fairly boiled with aggravation
Then she shook her head, looked at me and said
"Poor John! Poor John!"
His mother said young girls were all for outside show
The clothes you see may look all right, the rest, oh no!
"I saw exactly what she meant," cried Jane
"My style of dress was too refined, that's plain!"
Then all at once she gave a sigh and cried, "Oh, lor!
I wonder what on earth he wants to marry for"
That was quite enough, up my temper flew
Says I, "Perhaps it's so that he can get away from you!"
John took me round to see his mother!
His mother! His mother!
And while he introduced us to each other
She weighed up everything that I had on
She put me through a cross examination
I fairly boiled with aggravation
Then she shook her head, looked at me and said
"Poor John! Poor John!"
(Contributed by Mel Priddle - January 2016)