Suicide Grief Support Forum

The Suicide Grief Support Forum is a public message board, an outreach project of the Parents of Suicides (POS) and Friends and Families of Suicides (FFOS) Internet Communities. The forum officially began on October 2, 2002.

Our mission is to provide information, support and comfort to anyone whose life has been touched by the suicide of another person. Connecting with others who have walked the same road can sometimes make a difference in how we survive a tragedy that may be incomprehensible.

The board is monitored by special volunteers who give freely of their time in memory of the people they lost to suicide.

We do not pretend to be professionals, and we encourage anyone whose needs are greater than can be met here to seek out professional help.

So this may be a morbid thought, but when I look at the picture of my brother I look only at his eyes. His eyes have seen his whole life and yet-his mind couldn't remember what he had on this earth. The family, fiance, friend, co-workers. His eyes saw his life differently than we saw his life. I know it doesn't sound like I am making any sense right now, but I can only look at the eyes of anyone that has died-and I keep wondering what their last view was. If the look in their eyes were a tell tale sign. I look at my eyes sometimes in our photo together and wonder....God-this seems so weird but it's not meant to be weird. I just wonder if the people that have gone before us knew...knew something we didn't-I keep looking at the eyes to see if there is some foretelling...I don't know if I should delete this thought but does anyone else look at their eyes and see...something different. Why did God pick them, for example.? I guess it's just me tonight-his photos are all over my bedroom. Gives me great comfort. I moved his belt that he hanged himself with and moved it from my bedside table to my deak-along with my dog's ashes. I think it was time...a positive move. I have had that belt in my hands so many times...even one time around my neck just to feel what Chris felt...morbid but necessary for me. I can't help but wonder what his last thoughts were...hopefully-the joy of release and peace....peace for the weary. Where is our peace? Not to be in this lifetime.

OK-enough ranting with these strange thoughts. I miss you sweet Christopher. Thanksgiving is coming up-you were always here cutting the bird in Dad's place. Then there is Christmas. Dad died december 19-seven days before Christmas....Christmas Day-the last time I saw you, talked with you, touched you and hugged you goodbye, not realizing it would be the last time I saw you....then New Year's Eve...when all are celebrating, I will be dying all over again. Seven days after Christmas-you died. Theresa..with your wonderful help and kindness I know I will get through this...my sweet grandbabies will be the star attractions...

Fondly-Deborah

Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy. Sister of Christopher Arthur

Debbie, as we said, the next few weeks and months are going to be the hardest but at the same time you know that once they are over you can look back and see that you made it. We all survive it somehow. The holidays are coming and it will be hard for everyone. But, with each one that we survive through we have the hope that next year it may be a little easier. The "firsts" are always the hardest. I am here with you as are others. We all need each other to hold on to and support one another, especially this time of the year. Sending you my hugs and love...

I love you, little brother, and miss you more than words could ever say. Kenny 9/10/61 - 08/24/10Theresa

Debbie- I understand what you are saying about looking into their eyes in their pictures, I find myself doing that with pictures of everyone I have lost, not just the ones I lost to suicide, but more so with the ones I lost to suicide. A friend asked me the other day if me and my bf (who passed by suicide) were married, she said she thought she heard we were married. Her and I became friends after my bf's suicide, she asked me a few questions and I told her probably too much info, she seemed quite uncomfotable, but oh well, she shouldn't have asked questions then.I feel like as survivors somewhere inside we're always looking for answers and clues we might have missed, even when we tell ourselves somethings we'll never know the answers to. My bf's b-day is coming up this week! I just keep thinking, "It's a shame you are not here to celebrate your b-day."I'm ok, my main focus is being there for all of you through the holiday season!