The Name Game

While some Jews are naming their kids things like “Jazz” and “Thorne,” others are kicking it old school and getting biblical.

So many of you good people have asked me the same question: “How did a nice Yiddishe maidel like you get a name like that?!”

Here’s the short of it. I was to be named in honor of my deceased bubbe, Manya. But when September 1 brought me forth ... my parents didn’t have an “M” moniker that sent them swooning. Until my aunt heard “Marnie” on the street and so I was Jewishly dubbed.

Winston was my surname, changed from Weinstein in Canada, changed from Malamud in Russia. I married into “Macauley” – an English Jewish convert, which is how I became Marnie Macauley – a great name for a peppy Irish folk song.

I married a Jewish convert, which is how I became Marnie Macauley – a great name for a peppy Irish folk song.

I loved the unusual. (Did I have a choice?) Sure, I had to endure being called, “Mimi,” “Moony,” “Mamie,” “Martin” – in my draft notice – and my elevation to “Marine. But there was compensation. I knew whenever “Marnie” was called, it was meant for me, and turned around. I couldn’t understand how the Bobbys and Lindas lived with “regular” names. I couldn’t fathom turning around that much.

Except for that one time. A first cousin once removed named her daughter “Marnie.” At a family Bar Mitzvah, when “Marnie” was called to light a candle ... let’s say I still want to scratch my eyes out in embarrassment. The getting up ... the being told, “Not you” ... the titters during that long walk back to my “fringe-relative” seat which should’ve been my tip-off – IF – I’d ever been in a room with more than one “Marnie.”

Which I hadn’t. In the 1950s, I stood out in a sea of Jewish “Debbies,” “Lindas,” “Davids,” and “Lisas.” Ashkenazic traditional? No way. “Max,” “Sam,” “Sophie” were “glass tea” names for bubbes and zaydes whose greenhorn roots clashed with red, white, and blue.

Max, Sam, you vant a glass tea? “Mit a sugar cube, Sophie!In the new false teeth, a sugar cube you need like a loch in kop!

Did we Boomers do better by our own broods? By the late 1970s and eighties of boom and crash economics, our little Gen-Xers’ given names were gelt-driven. Seven pound bundles of all stripes were saddled with “Power” monikers, some unisex, that were perfect for a future debutante, doctor, or dictator. Many were conjured by writers, well, like me, for soaps like As the world Turns. The trend hit Jews the hardest. Krystal Cohen? Thorne Twersky? Face it. Pretension doesn’t “work and play well” with Yiddishe surnames. Or in elder hostels and retirement “villas.” Fast forward 50 years ...

Yet, we persevered. Suddenly, places like Brooklyn and the Bronx saw an explosion of little “Ashleys,” “Lindsays,” “Jamies,” “Tiffanys,” “Justins,” “Logans,” “Heathers,” “Blakes,” “Courtneys,” “Addisons,” “Lances,” “Whitneys,” “Sydneys, “Drakes,” and “Yales.” But my out-of-the-park faves were the “Bretts” and “Brents.” When I handed out birthday card invites? I yelled, “Brett!” in my son’s “Boomer-kinder-Jewishy” school and Boom! No less than 50 kids appeared. All genders. My sympathy was boundless for the little Lipschitz twins, Brent and Brett.

My sympathy was boundless for the little Lipschitz twins, Brent and Brett.

So, what are the Brents, Tiffanys, and Krystals doing to their offspring? Some are getting even. Some are “out-trending” with place names – “Montanas,” “Madisons,” and “Brooklyns.” Some have gone even further – into outer space.

Last year, when my cousin Judi (with an “I”) told me the stick turned blue, we rejoiced! A new little life –despite the bloated ankles, stretch marks that resemble crop circles, and a desire to wolf down a steer – whole.

“And you want to hear the names we picked out?”

I started shvitzing: Oh, no. No no no NO NO!

Long ago, I learned never to play “The Name Game” with an expectant mother. Like “Do I look fatter?” there’s no good answer.

Unfortunately, Judi hadn’t mastered the above Marnie’s Maxim of Modern Maternity. Judi’s a bubbler. She started bubbling ... names.

“ ... and the one we’ve settled on if it’s a girl is -- “

Please, please ... make her shut up ...” I prayed,

“Jazz!”

Boom! Spewed all over me like spit-up!

And so we had ... a moment of silence. Knowing that I’m “rendered speechless” less often than I hit a treadmill, Judi said, “I ... guess you’re not too crazy about it – either.“ Apparently she’d already “spewed” upon half of Long Island. Her bubblies, now de-fizzled, threw her into defensive mode: “Well, we wanted something different.”

Jazz ... Finkelman?! “Well, you got it.” I said, wondering where I could buy baby bling and stiletto booties for the naming ceremony.

They had a boy. Ninety family members thanked Hashem for sparing a newborn daughter of Rachel from spending her life with the “blues.” Judi named him “Judge” for her husband, a District Attorney. At least he wasn’t a proctologist.

Ah ... but there are parents on our home planet, who’ve taken the most daring, most exotic, most unexpected route ever. A route that no one could have imagined only two generations ago.

The Coolest-Jew-Hot names today? “ Sam!” “Max!” “Rose!” “Sophie!” “Jacob!” “Lily!” They’re back, and they’re not only Cool Jew-Hot. Little Maxes and Sams are flying out of Cool Gentile celeb bellies faster than they can say “tummy tuck!” It took two generations of assimilation, but “glass tea” images of great-bubbe and zayde have turned from shtetl-shandas to ethnic chic. Finally. Proving, of course, that “everything old is new again.

But more, instead of shortening, lopping, and “mayonnaising,” many Jews, even young celebs -- from Mayim Bialik to Ethan Zohn -- are now wearing them with “kishka “ pride ! While the little “Sams” and “Sophies” have started this exodus back to our roots, we’ve still got a way to boldly go where we Jews have bravely gone before. Biblical!

I can’t wait to coo upon my little grandchildren: Chizqiyahu, Shulammite, Yechezkel, Shlomo, and Mattithyahu. Different? Without question. Timeless? Of course. And do they go with “Cohen,” “Levy” or even Matuschanskayasky!* You bet!

*Irony in reverse. This is the false name Walter Matthau (born Matthow) claimed in order to be more “exotic.”

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About the Author

Quirky, no-nonsense, funny, Marnie – writer, editor, author, lecturer, clinician, and administrator -- is a straight-shooter, who has a distinctive voice and takes on the world in her columns, features, and books. Her advice column was syndicated through Tribune Media Services, and it currently appears in Singular magazine as Singular Solutions. Marnie has written over 20 books/calendars, including the series “A Little Joy, A Little Oy." Her books include Yiddishe Mamas: The Truth About the Jewish Mother and A Little Joy, A Little Oy (pub. AndrewsMcMeel). She is also an award-winning “calendar queen” having written over 20. She has been nominated for both an Emmy and Writers Guild award.Thefullwiki.org has listed Marnie Macauley on their list of top Jewish_American writers, dead or living. (She’s still deciding which.) She was also chosen as a Distinguished Woman in Las Vegas in March of 2014.

Visitor Comments: 12

(12)
Lisa,
November 9, 2009 1:08 AM

Marnie is short for Marlene...

...a common German name in years past,as for Lisa,I grew up in the 70's when everyone tried to call me LIZA(as in MINELLI) OY! I wanted to be a TiffanyAND goy,but 7 years ago I was glad for my name, when I had my little Moshe Ben Batya..and the Orthodox guys at Kedem winery treated me like a star for nameing my Ross right out of the Old Testiment(and I didn't mean to ,he is named after a great Uncle),but it was nice to know the old ways brought a couple of very different/very similar people together for a great Laugh, and big smiles all around!

(11)
marnie (the author),
August 27, 2009 5:02 PM

TO Charlotte:

Thanks for the fascinating 411 re: "Banjo." Great summary!
As the poor child's name appears on every list of "Meshugge" Celeb names (as USians are clueless re: its Australian usage and history), your comment is an invaluable "defense" that should be spread to all the tittering sources!
Good job!
Marn

(10)
MARNIE (author),
August 13, 2009 6:23 PM

RE: ASHKENAZIC EMPHASIS

Of course I agree! My focus on the "Ashkenazic," especially in the case of names, is due to: a)the large numbers in the U.S. and other English-speaking countries: b) The "naming" phenomena itself. What I've describe is more within this group, as many Sephardim, for example, have very different naming traditions that reflect Iberian, and now Asian, and African backgrounds.
Shalom, Marn

(9)
Chaya,
August 12, 2009 8:52 AM

the ashkenazi way

Thanks for the powerful introduction of the history of Jewish names in the U.S. Yet what I could perceive strongly throughout the article was the Ashkenazi "route", in its message and itself pointing to the Ashkenazi Jewry and their development. As far as I can remember, the U.S. community consists of various "types" of Jews. I guess not all of them would speak about zaydes and further Yiddish and "Yiddishic" ideas. I don't mean it offensively. Yet I wonder whether the Yemenites and Indian ones and the Sfaradi ones also turn to Lily and Ashley?... For now I only felt to have had an insight into the Ashkenazi Jewry's life which is no new since a long time.... but Jews are versatile, aren't they?

(8)
yehudit levy,
August 8, 2009 7:58 PM

what's wrong with manya?

I love your bubby's name, Manya. It even sounds ethnic! Why don't you use it? Anyway, glad to hear your back to biblical. The latest in Sydney (secular community) is yiddish: Goldie, Mendy, Levi, (ok, there are still those wannabe goyim who go for ashley and gemma) but we even recently got a Nathaniel in the family, and noone is allowed to call him Nate... now that's a miracle!

(7)
Feivel,
August 6, 2009 9:24 PM

How refreshing

Very honest and inspiring to be included in your personal revelations.
"Marnie" you are quite versatile.
Thank you once more.

(6)
Yoheved,
August 5, 2009 12:30 AM

Only Hadassah can do it

I had a friend who married a Chinese man. She joined Hadassah and put down her last name as Chen.
She got the newsletter addressed to Cohen. She called and complained that she had written her name correctly and would they please remove the letter "o". Should have sent this one to Marnie earlier. Keep up the creative work Marnie. It stimulates one's mind. Thanks.

(5)
,
August 4, 2009 7:50 PM

Love it,love you!!!!!!Your Canadian fan,Karyn

(4)
Rosalie Kuptsow,
August 4, 2009 2:04 PM

My children all have traditional Jewish names and they are aged from 52 down to 35 - somehow I skipped the modern name generation Thank heavens!

(3)
Deborah,
August 4, 2009 1:24 PM

Names

I had a summer job back in the 1970's at a major university giving out id cards. It had to be done fast so I got into a rhythm of skipping the last name to get the first name and the go to the last name. The two worst was "Monroe, Marilyn" who was a healthy 6'4" 300 lb. bass voice male who told me he went by Joe, and "Savage, Harry" who mumbled he hated his name. My mother had 2 identical twins in her first grade class shortly after 'Bambi' came out named Bambi and Thumper.

(2)
Charlotte Frajman,
August 4, 2009 11:33 AM

Rachel Griffiths' Baby Name

Growing up, as the only Jewish, Australian Charlotte, younger than 70, I can relate to your article. I was even quizzed at my religious (frum) primary school, as to whether or not I was really Jewish with a name like mine.
However, your swipe at Rachel Griffiths is not quite accurate. One of our most famous, Australian historical, writers and poets was named Banjo (Andrew) Paterson.
Andrew Barton "Banjo" Paterson (17 February 1864 – 5 February 1941).
He was the author of The Man from Snowy River, Clancy of the Overflow and most famously, Waltzing Matilda - the "unofficial" Australian anthem.
Rachel is now a virtual ex-pat, given her acting success in the US on shows like 6 Feet Under and Brothers and Sisters. As such, she probably wanted to give her child a symbolic "Aussie" name - thus, Banjo.
Every Australian would associate the name Banjo with the quintessential, Australian outback spirit.
This is despite the fact that the real Banjo himself was from a wealthy background, well educated at the elite Sydney Grammar school and became a qualified lawyer, journalist and author.

(1)
Anonymous,
August 4, 2009 11:23 AM

enrolments at a Jewish Day School

I have a weekly "competition" to see who can come up with the uh... most interesting name in living history from the Hatches and Matches in the local Jewish paper.
The outright winner over the past three years is Mungo McGregor Paxton. The last is NOT his surname, nor his mother's maiden name. I have NO idea what his parents were thinking, and pity him should he ever manage to grow up without changing his name!

I just got married and have an important question: Can we eat rice on Passover? My wife grew up eating it, and I did not. Is this just a matter of family tradition?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The Torah instructs a Jew not to eat (or even possess) chametz all seven days of Passover (Exodus 13:3). "Chametz" is defined as any of the five grains (wheat, spelt, barley, oats, and rye) that came into contact with water for more than 18 minutes. Chametz is a serious Torah prohibition, and for that reason we take extra protective measures on Passover to prevent any mistakes.

Hence the category of food called "kitniyot" (sometimes referred to generically as "legumes"). This includes rice, corn, soy beans, string beans, peas, lentils, peanuts, mustard, sesame seeds and poppy seeds. Even though kitniyot cannot technically become chametz, Ashkenazi Jews do not eat them on Passover. Why?

Products of kitniyot often appear like chametz products. For example, it can be hard to distinguish between rice flour (kitniyot) and wheat flour (chametz). Also, chametz grains may become inadvertently mixed together with kitniyot. Therefore, to prevent confusion, all kitniyot were prohibited.

In Jewish law, there is one important distinction between chametz and kitniyot. During Passover, it is forbidden to even have chametz in one's possession (hence the custom of "selling chametz"). Whereas it is permitted to own kitniyot during Passover and even to use it - not for eating - but for things like baby powder which contains cornstarch. Similarly, someone who is sick is allowed to take medicine containing kitniyot.

What about derivatives of kitniyot - e.g. corn oil, peanut oil, etc? This is a difference of opinion. Many will use kitniyot-based oils on Passover, while others are strict and only use olive or walnut oil.

Finally, there is one product called "quinoa" (pronounced "ken-wah" or "kin-o-ah") that is permitted on Passover even for Ashkenazim. Although it resembles a grain, it is technically a grass, and was never included in the prohibition against kitniyot. It is prepared like rice and has a very high protein content. (It's excellent in "cholent" stew!) In the United States and elsewhere, mainstream kosher supervision agencies certify it "Kosher for Passover" -- look for the label.

Interestingly, the Sefardi Jewish community does not have a prohibition against kitniyot. This creates the strange situation, for example, where one family could be eating rice on Passover - when their neighbors will not. So am I going to guess here that you are Ashkenazi and your wife is Sefardi. Am I right?

Yahrtzeit of Rabbi Moses ben Nachman (1194-1270), known as Nachmanides, and by the acronym of his name, Ramban. Born in Spain, he was a physician by trade, but was best-known for authoring brilliant commentaries on the Bible, Talmud, and philosophy. In 1263, King James of Spain authorized a disputation (religious debate) between Nachmanides and a Jewish convert to Christianity, Pablo Christiani. Nachmanides reluctantly agreed to take part, only after being assured by the king that he would have full freedom of expression. Nachmanides won the debate, which earned the king's respect and a prize of 300 gold coins. But this incensed the Church: Nachmanides was charged with blasphemy and he was forced to flee Spain. So at age 72, Nachmanides moved to Jerusalem. He was struck by the desolation in the Holy City -- there were so few Jews that he could not even find a minyan to pray. Nachmanides immediately set about rebuilding the Jewish community. The Ramban Synagogue stands today in Jerusalem's Old City, a living testimony to his efforts.

It's easy to be intimidated by mean people. See through their mask. Underneath is an insecure and unhappy person. They are alienated from others because they are alienated from themselves.

Have compassion for them. Not pity, not condemning, not fear, but compassion. Feel for their suffering. Identify with their core humanity. You might be able to influence them for the good. You might not. Either way your compassion frees you from their destructiveness. And if you would like to help them change, compassion gives you a chance to succeed.

It is the nature of a person to be influenced by his fellows and comrades (Rambam, Hil. De'os 6:1).

We can never escape the influence of our environment. Our life-style impacts upon us and, as if by osmosis, penetrates our skin and becomes part of us.

Our environment today is thoroughly computerized. Computer intelligence is no longer a science-fiction fantasy, but an everyday occurrence. Some computers can even carry out complete interviews. The computer asks questions, receives answers, interprets these answers, and uses its newly acquired information to ask new questions.

Still, while computers may be able to think, they cannot feel. The uniqueness of human beings is therefore no longer in their intellect, but in their emotions.

We must be extremely careful not to allow ourselves to become human computers that are devoid of feelings. Our culture is in danger of losing this essential aspect of humanity, remaining only with intellect. Because we communicate so much with unfeeling computers, we are in danger of becoming disconnected from our own feelings and oblivious to the feelings of others.

As we check in at our jobs, and the computer on our desk greets us with, "Good morning, Mr. Smith. Today is Wednesday, and here is the agenda for today," let us remember that this machine may indeed be brilliant, but it cannot laugh or cry. It cannot be happy if we succeed, or sad if we fail.

Today I shall...

try to remain a human being in every way - by keeping in touch with my own feelings and being sensitive to the feelings of others.

With stories and insights,
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