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Monica Brown: 'Break This Soul Tie'

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CBN.com - Monica Brown was a young wife, and active member of her church, but strangely, she developed a strong physical attraction to another woman.

“I just woke up one day and was having feelings for my best friend. I remember one day we had a conversation. I just looked at her and I looked at her like I wanted to kiss her. And I just hear this voice telling me, ‘Ask her to be your woman.’”

Monica and her best friend began a relationship.

“When I walked into the lifestyle, I knew that it was wrong.”

She worked hard to keep their affair secret, but eventually she told her husband, and asked him for a divorce.

“It just got to a point where I wanted to do what I wanted to do. I literally went to work, you know, with a house full of furniture, came home to nothing. There was nothing there.”

Monica’s next step was to find a new home, and come out to her family.

“It was very hurtful to my family and, you know, my family was disappointed.
I had a couple of family members that stopped speaking to me for a while. But, they prayed for me.”

Monica walked away from her family, church and career to embrace her new life. By this time, she had a new girlfriend who encouraged her to try dancing for a living. Monica worked for the next two years at a local strip club.

“I was money-driven. I didn’t think about nothing else. I went in there, I did my job, you know, I made $1500-$1800 a week. And that’s all I thought about.”

All the while, Monica still believed in God, and says she knew that He was not pleased with her choices.

“I knew that I didn’t want to stop my sin. And so once I got into that door, the next door was I started going to the gay club. So I was just getting pulled like deeper and deeper. I felt like I had been in the lifestyle for 20 years.”

Over the years, Monica had several relationships, until she finally felt she had found “the one.”

“Then I got into one relationship where I wanted to marry the girl. Proposed to her, bought her a ring and everything. It was like, ‘Okay, we’re going to get married. I’m going to be with you for the rest of my life.’”

Just as she had that thought, Monica says she heard God audibly speak to her, telling her to leave homosexuality. She tried bargaining with Him.

“I remember telling God, ‘Lord, I love You. I don’t want to go to hell, but I’m not ready to change. If You just give me like 3-5 more years just to live this life out. God, I promise I’ll live for You.’”

She continued to plan the marriage, but on Christmas day her girlfriend broke up with her.

“Now I’m devastated because we were planning to get married. ‘I even gave you a ring. And you don’t want to be with me no more?’ The next morning I woke up. I fell on my knees, literally. And I said, ‘Lord Jesus, forgive me. I sinned against You. I have sinned. And I have done this wrong.’ I said, ‘I’m so sorry, God.’ And I just began to cry out and repent. And I knew the sinner’s prayer. And I began to confess the sinner’s prayer. And I went through my closet, I got every card that I had gotten from a woman, every picture that I had taken with a woman, everything that reminded me of the gay community and threw it in the garbage.’

But the pain from the breakup was agonizing. Monica cried out to God to heal her heart.

“It’s like, ‘Deliver me, God. Take it away. Take the desires away God. Take the pain away. Take this ungodly connection. Break this soul tie.’”

She devoted her time to rekindling her relationship with Jesus.

“That’s what helped me through my process. This is where my healing begins. And this is where my pain is taken away. And so every morning I got before God in worship. And so every day He was constantly washing me and cleansing me.”

Monica joined a new church, and started a fresh walk with God.

“I love my life. I wouldn’t trade my life for nothing in the world. I love ministering to people. I love getting people through the process of deliverance, and tell them how to break soul ties. I like my life. I have a great time without all the extra sin; without all the extra baggage.”

She now runs conferences that help others recover from sexual sin.

“No matter what you’ve done, no matter what situation you’re in, the Bible declares if you confess your sins that He’s faithful, He’s just to forgive you and to cleanse you from all unrighteousness. So there’s nothing that you could do that will separate you from eternity with the Father as long as you repent.”

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