I am just a confused old man Thanks for your wonderful websites! My NDE was 71 years ago! It's the first memory in my life. I am 78 now. There is a saying that I like: Forgiveness Means Giving Up All Hope for a Better Past - Lily Tomlin...

Thanks for your kind words Garry, my NDE was submitted and I saved it as a PDF file. It should be posted on the site soon.
To sum it up, I was 7 in 1945, bled after going home from tonsil removal under ether. I felt that my uncle, who had been killed 2 years before my NDE, somehow told me what would happen in the next 20 years, like people walking on the moon. My dad was driving us to the emergency room and I guess I told him about his younger brother Neal and my dad asked me not to say anything to anyone else, mainly because my mom had severe anxiety even in normal circumstances. So I never really talked about my NDE until my mom died in 1996, then I read Phyliss Atwater's book, Beyond the Light, and I arranged a workshop in Pittsburgh PA for her to speak. She included a short description of my NDE in her book Children of the New Millenium. I now believe that the human brain is so slow in constructing what we call the present moment, that the true reality passes through the time-space continuum for months, years or even light years before the human brain thinks it is seeing the present, which is actually the distant past. I base this on Einstein's relativity, each observer has their own individual perception of time passing, and science now defines time as the distance between two or more observers of the same event. The problem is humans, on earth, are moving millions of miles through space every second, so we are not really equipped to catch up to the true reality It goes by too quickly for our brains to put any words or pictures on it. I think the true reality is what we are experiencing in our NDEs. The true reality is simply an intangible awareness of everything, and never pauses nor repeats anything, anytime. Not sure why we are so slow as humans, my theory is we got stuck in the big bang. I think there is no tick tock time in the true reality, so the big bang, only one of an infinite set of cosmoses, may have just happened in real time a few minutes ago rather than 14 billion light years ago This may be because our true awareness is already infinite, eternal, never had a beginning nor will it end. No one gave it to us, we just lost our focus when the big bang trapped us as physical, biological entities for a little while Just my opinion

It is a pleasure to have you here. What you say makes a lot of sense! The one thing I am sorry about is that we are so often prevented from sharing experiences such your NDE account with our closest relatives, which is a big challenge, in order to comply with society's expectations. As the saying goes 'no man is a prophet in his own country'.

I am ever so glad you eventually shared your experience with others and I am quite sure it was a precious gift you were given at the tender age of 7 which you made the most of, irrespective of the fact you could not tell your mother.

Thank you for your kind message Giulia !! Yes it seems like there are no family or friends who can accept one's interpretation of one's NDE I guess that is because everyone has a completely different point of view ?? I have looked at hundreds of NDE experiences, thousands from Phyllis Atwater's works, hundreds online and everywhere that I could find them, and I never found any two NDEs that coincided exactly !! So I guess any one who has not had, or somehow defines their NDE as something other than the accepted definition of an NDE simply needs to have their own point of view validated in some other way, by their religions, their social groups, or some cultural tradition that connects them to their ethnic heritage ?? I have done a DNA for the mitochondrial mothers and found my maternal ancestor lived near modern day Florence, Italy 17,000 years ago !! Recently I did the Ancestry DNA, going back only recently, and found that Florence is the center of a huge radius, going up to Estonia, as the outside of the circle and drawing the radius from Florence at the center, then from Estonia south and east in a huge semicircle, to the Caucasus east and down to the middle east, not so much west toward Spain etc, yet the first DNA from Oxford Ancestors said that the 17,000 year old mitochondrial mother had many progeny who traveled north and west into the current United Kingdom where there is actually an ancient shrine in her name, Tara !!

Based on everything you posted, I'd take your advice in a NY minute! Thanks for sharing. It's wonderful to read what NDERs have to tell that was learned, or "implanted" by their experience. I find it very, enriching.

wow sevinufnine I am only 4 of 9 however you are my favorite Borg well you and Hugh and Icheb I have been a trekkie for at least 40 years, highlight of my fandom was a few months ago when Nana Visitor, who played Kira Nerys answered my tweet to her about her recent visit and video during a Star Trek convention...I hope you and all your loved ones are well and happy

OMG I completely forgot something in my NDE report in the above post. About 20 years ago, which was about 50 years after my NDE in 1945, I was working through PMH Atwater's book FUTURE MEMORY. You can find the book with Google search, and I suggest you add a search for James van Avery, who has an experiment which PMH Atwater thoroughly outlines in the book. So I worked through the experiment VERY SLOWLY, over several weeks. That is, I only did one step in the experiment per week and just let everything marinate in my mind. The outcome of the lesson for me was that I had made a pencil sketch at the end of the van Avery experiment, which I simply set aside for several days. A few weeks after I finished the experiment and the sketch, there was an internet workshop at Verizon corporate offices in Pittsburgh PA. When I arrived at the Verizon office building, there were about 20 people already seated in the presentation room while a huge projected picture of a computer screen was shown in the front of the room. As soon as I sat down, I got chills and goose bumps! This was the pencil sketch which I had drawn over a month before seeing the scene. However I dismissed the idea that I had 'seen the future' because something directly in front of me that would have proven that I had seen the scene was MISSING ?? Then in a few seconds before the demonstration began, two young women arrived LATE to the lecture. They quickly grabbed two chairs for themselves, AND PLACED THE CHAIRS EXACTLY WHERE THE CHAIRS AND THE WOMEN WERE DRAWN IN MY SKETCH !! Not sure if I had realized at that time, the late 1990s, that I was actually seeing the past, that is that my brain was so slow at constructing that moment of the lecture, that I had not seen the future when I drew the sketch, I was actually seeing the past, since my brain cannot catch up to the true speed of infinite awareness EVER. It just sees a 'movie' filmed a LONG TIME AGO. It is NOT that the movie is a fake or a LOSS of choice for my past history, I did actually experience the lecture exactly as it happened, my brain just needed all of the so called future to get the movie of the lecture ready to be seen. By the way, I USUALLY DISAGREE WITH PMH ATWATER, and any other NDE experiencer and researcher about almost any interpretation of events in other NDEs or any other such experiences. My motto is LET'S AGREE TO DISAGREE. OH NO I FORGOT AN IMPORTANT DETAIL. The sketch as I drew it was a MIRROR IMAGE of the actual scene, so I had to flip the sketch over and view it from the back of the sheet of paper to align the actual scene as it appeared during the lecture.

gravitonring wrote:wow sevinufnine I am only 4 of 9 however you are my favorite Borg well you and Hugh and Icheb I have been a trekkie for at least 40 years, highlight of my fandom was a few months ago when Nana Visitor, who played Kira Nerys answered my tweet to her about her recent visit and video during a Star Trek convention...I hope you and all your loved ones are well and happy

Yes, 7 is not only my favorite Borg, but favorite Star Trek character hands down! It's rare for anyone to get what my screen name is about right away....but hey...you're a trekkie too.

What is a Shih Tzu? "A dash of Lion, several teaspoons of Rabbit, a couple ounces of old Chinese men, a bit of Beggar,
a tablespoon of Monkey, one part Baby Seal, and a dash of Teddy Bear."
~ James E. Mumford

OMG ZenTzu Now I am beginning to think maybe it is just MY BRAIN that is so SLOW

ZenTzu wrote: The night before we lost him while in the shower I suddenly saw a beautiful golden light shining in - as if someone had opened the bathroom door, yet when I looked the door was still shut and there was no one there. I believe this light was a messenger or the Spirit of my Golden.

I completely forgot my own golden light experience until I saw your message!

It was shortly after my mother died, in the late 1990s. As usual I cannot recall much before or after the golden light. I do clearly remember being alone in my mother's home shortly after she died, I was standing in a second floor room when the whole room filled with a golden light. I was so shocked that I had to sit down. I just sat there for about 15 minutes looking at the light and feeling extremely peaceful. There were no other visual effects nor any kind of messages or thoughts, just a beautiful feeling of calmness and love. Thank you so much for reminding me

I wanted to be clear about some of my ideas. I accept anyone's interpretation of their own experiences. Not that they are being completely accurate or scientifically correct Just that anyone should be free to define their own existence and experience without abuse nor neglect for themselves or others. What I mean about agreeing to disagree is that I really believe that each person has a completely different perspective, their own point of view, and a unique definition of their own life story. I think that it is obvious that people and groups who try to force any type of limited dogma, or any intolerant, abusive or neglectful idea, on others eventually fails.

Hi Gravitonring I am so happy that my experience triggered this wonderful memory for you! Forgive me for not responding sooner - these days my time is limited and I do not check in here often enough. Not sure if you have had time to read some of my other messages, but since we are on the subject of beautiful golden light - I also saw the most peaceful, serene golden beings of light all over my dear Father`s dying body around six weeks prior to his departure. There were literally hundreds of them. They were a cross between a butterfly, a dove and an Angel, and they remained for several minutes before eventually dissipating before my eyes. I knew this meant one of two things - that we were either getting a miracle, or he was on his way. Sadly, it was the latter.... I searched and searched online and finally found an image which comes very close to what I saw. I am attaching it here and hope it comes through properly. Looking forward to chatting with you more

You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.

What is a Shih Tzu? "A dash of Lion, several teaspoons of Rabbit, a couple ounces of old Chinese men, a bit of Beggar,
a tablespoon of Monkey, one part Baby Seal, and a dash of Teddy Bear."
~ James E. Mumford

gravitonring wrote: I have done a DNA for the mitochondrial mothers and found my maternal ancestor lived near modern day Florence, Italy 17,000 years ago !!!

Hmmm, how very interesting Gravitonring, that you should mention Florence, one of my all-time favorite spots. While in Florence , or as we call it "Firenze" some years ago with my Mother, I myself had an unusual experience while in the Palazzo Reale. I was standing in one of the rooms viewing murals when suddenly I felt a sort of shift in energy, as if I had been taken back in time. It was as if everyone else had disappeared and I was standing there alone. Thinking back it was almost as if I was suddenly in a room that did not actually exist on this plane. This curious shift in energy has happened to me several times, particularly when my dear Father is around in Spirit. The only thing I can equate it to is having been in a sort of Twilight Zone, which incidentally is one of my all-time favorite series

What is a Shih Tzu? "A dash of Lion, several teaspoons of Rabbit, a couple ounces of old Chinese men, a bit of Beggar,
a tablespoon of Monkey, one part Baby Seal, and a dash of Teddy Bear."
~ James E. Mumford

What is a Shih Tzu? "A dash of Lion, several teaspoons of Rabbit, a couple ounces of old Chinese men, a bit of Beggar,
a tablespoon of Monkey, one part Baby Seal, and a dash of Teddy Bear."
~ James E. Mumford

ZenTzu, I was so taken by your golden light post that I did stop looking at the rest of yours, however I will be looking at them again

I do feel much younger than my age and my doctors often say they are impressed with my health, after they tell me that I have a terrible fatal illness seriously I think doctors in the US are so afraid of getting sued that they tell everyone they have a fatal illness

I will try to find the image you posted now and get back to you with my thoughts Thank you for telling me about the wonderful adventure in Firenza I have never been outside of North America, and I love to hear about Italy. I really believe in after death communication, and recently my sister's best friend saturated my sister and myself with a very strong message after my sister's friend died, unfortunately that lady's after death message was a strong smell of dog poop which fit my sister's friend sense of humor exactly, so I knew it was her, I have received many such messages [not as smelly] shortly after a loved one has died...

Oh My God ZenTzu, it has happened again when I looked at your image of the dove, it reminded me of when my father's father died. I was driving home to visit because my grandfather was on his death bed in the hospital. However as I was driving, a HUGE white bird, an actual bird that I had never before seen in that part of Pennsylvania, landed on my windshield wiper as I was traveling at about 35 miles per hour, I thought the bird would have been injured, except it just bounced off my windshield and flew away. I knew that my grandfather had died at that moment.

This is awesome! I just recalled something about my first cousin who just died a few months ago. She was just a few months younger than me and we literally were raised as brother and sister, living and sleeping in the same homes, alternating between our parent's homes to give them a break as we were both firstborn in our families.

When she was about twelve years old, after our parents had stopped trading us to each other's homes, I saw her walking on the street, crying. I went immediately to ask what had happened.

She told me that she had been visiting an elderly lady, the mother of our small town's mayor. The woman died while my cousin was the only one present at her bedside. My cousin said that a white light left the woman's body and went up through the ceiling of her bedroom, then disappeared!

I am 78, and have never witnessed any person at the exact moment of their death.

Since you mentioned your travel to Firenze, I have started to watch an hour long documentary on Volterra, it is so amazing in its ancient history going back about 3,000 years. Have you ever visited Volterra?

gravitonring wrote:Oh My God ZenTzu, it has happened again when I looked at your image of the dove, it reminded me of when my father's father died.

Synchronicity, Gravitonring

What is a Shih Tzu? "A dash of Lion, several teaspoons of Rabbit, a couple ounces of old Chinese men, a bit of Beggar,
a tablespoon of Monkey, one part Baby Seal, and a dash of Teddy Bear."
~ James E. Mumford

gravitonring wrote:ZenTzu, not sure if I should continue the conversation here or ??
Have you ever visited Volterra?

My apologies Gravitonring. Yes please do continue the conversation, at your convenience. I will reply more in-depth very soon - this week has been more busy than usual, which is saying a lot! Just quickly and in answer to your question - no I have never visited Volterra but if I am correct it has an Etruscan influence, yes? Have you ever seen "Visions of Italy"?

What is a Shih Tzu? "A dash of Lion, several teaspoons of Rabbit, a couple ounces of old Chinese men, a bit of Beggar,
a tablespoon of Monkey, one part Baby Seal, and a dash of Teddy Bear."
~ James E. Mumford

This link above is one that I just found now, because Nancy Clark was directly involved in my golden light experience.

OK NOW I KNOW that it is my brain that is TOO SLOW

Here is what I actually reported about the golden light that I saw, about the same time as it happened.

Early in 1995, about one year before my mother's death, December 14, 1995, I saw a copy of the book Beyond the Light, written by P. M. H. Atwater. I seemed to have many of the personal attributes of the people she described as near death survivors. I could not clearly recall any NDE event except for a brief childhood episode after tonsil surgery under ether;
I wrote to her, and she sent seminar details;

I also realized that the medical community and other folks around Pittsburgh PA were interested or involved in NDE research. For example, one of the local hospitals was severing brain stems, cooling bodies of the patients, and repairing their blood vessels near the brain stem. Patients who survived lost all awareness of who they were, and any other personal identity, including other skills such as reading and writing.

Dr. Atwater's research seemed to me to include reputable sources in the scientific and medical communities.

In May of 1996, six months after my mother's death on December 14, 1995, and very near my mother's birthday on May 9, I was preparing for a visit to the city of Pittsburgh by P. M. H. Atwater.

Dr. Atwater had given me three names and phone numbers to call for background information on her near death research, which she was scheduled to speak about in June 1996 at my invitation.

My first call was to a gentleman who hosted near death seminars in his home for many years. He was a dedicated skeptic and did not believe the experience was real.

The second person was the mother of young son. She and her son experienced an unusual event, and had been featured on a television show. However, she felt that people would inflate their experiences to get attention, as she did.
The third call lasted about 30 minutes. I do not recall any of the conversation. The woman had experienced a profound near death event, however, she sought no publicity and received none.

The woman in my third call was Nancy Clark, who put my story about this golden light in her book.

As soon as I hung up the phone after the third call, my room, which is about 9 feet high and 12 feet square, lit up with a wonderful, pale light. I had risen from my chair, just after the call, and immediately sat back down. The light lasted about 20 minutes, then went away.

About one year after my Light experience, I asked P. M. H. Atwater if she had informed her friend about it. She stated that the Light experience had happened to many others after speaking with her friend, so she had not mentioned mine!

Contributor's Comments on the Experience

Editor:Were there any psychological effects of the light?

My psychological interpretation of the light was that it consisted of, or included, the spiritual presence of my mother, who had died about six months before the light appeared;

Editor: As described, it just sounds like a curiosity. Perhaps that's all it was, I don't want to put words in your mouth, but perhaps there were other effects?

There were no other effects;

Editor:And did the light seem to have a source, interact with whatever illumination was already in the room (what was that?), be sourceless, or what?

The light did not seem to me to have a physical source, nor interact with any physical aspect; The room was lit with a bare 100 watt bulb in a mid ceiling fixture; The home is probably built around 1930 or 1940 and has been renovated.
The light fixture is not modern and dates probably from the 1950s or even the original building; it has no adjustments nor shades, simply 120 volts and a ceramic bulb receptor;

When we moved into the home, around 1990, I cleaned the dust from the ceiling fixture and reconnected the house wires to the electrical connections at the base of the fixture, which is metal.

Well I guess everyone believes me now when I say I am just a confused old man seriously I had outpatient surgery under general anesthesia a few weeks ago and my brain was a little sleepy for a few weeks. I had packed Nancy Clark's autographed paperback in a zip lock bag and stored it in a larger GLAD bag with a ton of stuff. I live in a small studio apartment and I take a LOT of naps ALL day LONG I sleep a couple of hours and surf the web 24 hours a day Maybe it is just me, however my brain really acts more like my English Setter which I adopted as a puppy in the 1970s I had to give her away after a few months to a friend who lived on a huge farm so the dog could run free

Sorry that my posts and ideas seem a bit unfocused I seem to be extremely healthy after my surgery in April 2017. However the anesthesia seems to finally be worn off and I can think a little more clearly. Here is what I have been trying to say

THE LIGHT WE SEE IN OUR NDEs has ALWAYS been there. It is the true reality and it had no beginning, nor does it ever end. It never slows down nor repeats anything, anytime. It is WAY too fast and too large to ever be contained in the human brain. I believe we existed as the light forever past and will exist as the light forever future. The light is an intangible awareness of everything. It is everywhere, and it is everything real, true and good. It was never created, it always existed.

My only explanation today for why the human brain is so slow, is that the big bang, which may have happened only yesterday in the true reality, just trapped us for a short time as physical, biological entities. We are experiencing reality as humans, except it is a very small, very slow movie from the past, a memory which helps us cope with reality as humans. The human experience is real, and is extremely important. We cannot ignore nor disrespect our human existence. We must take every opportunity to maintain our good health, and try to be the best possible humans that we can be. It is only a short time to be human, however, the experience might continue as an eternal memory after our human lives are over?

I am very surprised that outpatient surgery under general anaesthesia is allowed. On the other hand, it is, of course, no coincidence that Near-Death and Near-Death-Like Experiences often take place in hospitals or in connection with surgery or other medical-related circumstances.

Gravitonring, I am glad you are getting to remember these otherworldly experiences. Sometimes talking about the topic with like-minded friends is all that is needed to trigger a memory.

ZenTzu, your dove is absolutely magnificent. I am glad you were able to find a picture that somehow did justice to what you saw.

Unfocused, no Gravitonring. Interesting and delightful, yes Sorry but tonight my brain is somewhat slow, or so it seems since not that I am boasting, but it really never has been I suppose exhaustion, physical and mental, will do that to a girl

What is a Shih Tzu? "A dash of Lion, several teaspoons of Rabbit, a couple ounces of old Chinese men, a bit of Beggar,
a tablespoon of Monkey, one part Baby Seal, and a dash of Teddy Bear."
~ James E. Mumford

Giulia wrote:
ZenTzu, your dove is absolutely magnificent. I am glad you were able to find a picture that somehow did justice to what you saw.

Grazie, cara Giulia. My only regret, is that I did not capture footage of all I saw and experienced before, during, and after my Father`s transition, and more-importantly, his actions and words toward the end. It would have been so very interesting to have that on film....

What is a Shih Tzu? "A dash of Lion, several teaspoons of Rabbit, a couple ounces of old Chinese men, a bit of Beggar,
a tablespoon of Monkey, one part Baby Seal, and a dash of Teddy Bear."
~ James E. Mumford

ZenTzu, I blinked and 71 years went by I told my sister, who is seven years younger, that I still feel like I am seven years old Now I just realized after seeing your message, that is when she was born !!

Sometimes sleep is the only way to heal I hope you will be renewed soon.

I have just started to have a vegan diet for the first time in my life. My daughter advised me to do it twenty years ago I was about 45 pounds overweight before April 25 this year when I had a small umbilical hernia repaired.

It may have been there for many years, maybe even since 1978 when my sister and I were in an accident after the brakes on my father's car failed. It was a miracle of a few seconds and a few inches that prevented anyone from being seriously injured. But my sister and I were both thrown against the windshield of my father's car.

After a few days on my new diet, last week I ate some grilled chicken and I was shocked at how much it took away my energy ?? So I have stayed on my vegan diet for less than two months now and I lost over 15 pounds without exercising nor starving I have so much more energy that I am pretty sure my diet is going to stay mostly vegan for the rest of my life