Being An Introvert: Let’s Get Personal

So a while ago, I decided to shift the focus of this blog a little bit and maybe get a little more personal. I wanted to share a little of what it means to me, to be an introverted blogger.

Being a fashion blogger and an introvert can be pretty intimidating. But to be honest, when I first started blogging, it wasn’t to be a fashion blogger (although fashion was always something I enjoyed). No, I started blogging because I was the shyest little bugger and I wanted some way to share my thoughts to the world. . .without actually sharing them.

Starting a blog (hello Livejournal to Blogger to WordPress) meant that I’d have an outlet to share all my thoughts. . .and since I didn’t share that I had a blog with any of my friends or family members, I was able to do it in an anonymous way.

As I got older and Instagram got more popular, I decided to slant my focus from personal blogging to fashion blogging. The only problem with that though is. . .well, you have to be seen to have success. And as a super introvert, being seen and acknowledged can be terrifying.

Whereas before, my blogging was all private (no photos) and only seen by random people on the Internet, with lifestyle/fashion blogging, my face would seen and I’d have to open up more. Which is no easy feat.

But I still did it.

What does being an introvert currently mean to me?

Well these days it means. . .

1

Going to an event is probably the most nerve wracking thing ever. Equivalent to a first/blind date. I almost want to stop at a bar and take a shot before I go to one. Having to interact with people I don’t know? Being the awkward turtle in the corner of the room, sipping my champagne? It’s my own personal hell. Some events that I go to don’t allow a plus one and those are the worst. Luckily, I’ve been able to meet a few other bloggers in NYC and we generally go to the same events, so if I see a familiar face, it helps. But there are still some events that I go to where I don’t know anyone and I feel so awkward I could die. I literally go, take the photos I need to take, and bounce.

2

Finding someone to photograph you, that you feel comfortable with, is so so so so hard. Initially, I had my boyfriend do my OOTD’s. But he complained so much that I started going out with another friend (shoutout to my best bae @coffeeslag) and we would take each other’s OOTD’s. Being the subject of a photograph is the most personal thing ever. You’ve got someone looking through their lenses, taking your photos, seeing all your imperfections. I’m nervous already, but I’m even more nervous in front of a camera. Finding a photographer you feel comfortable with is tough, and once you find them you stick with them.

3

If I manage to make it to an event and do the appropriate socializing, I am physically drained afterwards. Not because I didn’t have fun or hated my company, but mostly because social interaction (even with my close friends) can be super draining. Can I tell you my ideal introvert situation? Having all my friends over, all of us lazing about on my a giant couch, and everyone talks and I just lay back and relax. As an introvert, overly social situations can be draining. . .unless I drink a few glasses of wine first.

4

RBF : Resting Bitch Face

Well, this isn’t solely introvert related but it does make it harder for me to make friends. I’ve come to realize that I have RBF. When just standing, taking sips of my wine, I’ve constantly been asked if I was okay or if I was mad. My own mother tells me, “Nicole, you look so unapproachable. You look stuck up”. Thanks Mom, but she speaks the truth. The majority of my best friends (if not all of them) have all said that I looked really bitchy or that they thought I was a bitch when they first met me, “BUT OMG I KNOW YOU’RE NOT!”. Thanks friends, but they speak the truth.

I do try to make my face look super approachable (but how, do I just smile maniacally the whole time? That’s just creepy!) during events and I go out of my way to be super, sickly sweet because I really don’t want my fellow bloggers and possible future collaborators to think that I’m just a knarly bitch. But really, it’s just my RBF.

5

Sometimes I feel like a complete narcissist. Going from someone who hates to show her face and whose private Instagram used to be just photos of her cat and her food, taking blogger OOTD shots and highlighting any imperfections I might be scared of or embarrassed of is a huge leap. It took almost two years of waffling for me to do this. To allow myself to possibly be the subject of ridicule among strangers, or even my friends. Even these days, I’m still super shy about taking photos in front of other people or being noticed. Sometimes I think of how this is going to translate later, if I continue to do this whole blog thing and I have to kind of give myself a little mental high five; like, YOU CAN DO THIS NICOLE, KEEP ON GOING.

So what does this all mean to me?

Well, like I said, I started blogging as a way to unleash my creative side and to have an outlet to share my thoughts. That has since evolved the last few months. I’ve decided to use it as a kind of springboard to become more. . .social. To not be so scared to introduce myself to other people or to speak up. If I force myself to go to events (you don’t know how many events I chickened out of halfway and just went home to watch TV in my pajamas), if I go out and meet other bloggers and go to brunches or dinners, maybe it’ll help that social anxiety and I’ll become less of an introvert and slowly become more extroverted.

So there you go. I’ve possibly shared the most I’ve ever shared before in a blog post and I hope that this mini novel hasn’t turned you off. And that if you’re an introvert, you’ll share your stories in the comments. And I’ll keep on sharing my own stories and getting myself out of my own little shell.

FYI: These photos were taken by Ingrid Hong, who was amazing to work with.

For my readers

Do you identify as more of an introvert or more of an extrovert? And how do you think that affects your blogging (if you blog)?

Thank you! Yesss, I work full time and some of the events are right after work and I’m usually soooo exhausted and socially/mentally drained, I really have to prepare myself to go out and do even more socializing. It can definitely be super tough and uncomfortable.

Katja Knox

I love this post because it gives me such a great insight into the internal world of my husband, who is an introvert. I am a very extroverted person and it is sometimes difficult for me to understand where he is coming from and how he may struggle with my whirlwind existence.
Katja xxxhttp://www.katnapped.com

Aww. I’m glad this post was helpful! It’s interesting, a lot of my friends are extroverted and I think a relationship of introvert/extrovert is so beneficial. You can help him get out of his shell! My boyfriend is more extroverted than me and it’s always great to have him around when we’re at parties because he’s able to do all the introductions and really bring me into conversations!

Lovely post, while I’m not entirely introverted I don’t put any pics of me on my blog or Instagram, like you used to my grid is full of food and my kittens. One of the things is I look at photos of myself & think omg that looks awful so there is no way I’d put it on for strangers to look at too. Good on you to be brave and put yourself out there on social media as I guess it must have been really daunting. Btw you look really good in those pics and I love your dress 🙂

Oh girrrrl, it took such a long time for me to get comfortable with it. Like I said, almost 2-3 years….and even now I just recently started doing full outfits that show my face. It’s tough but I think another part of it is also getting older and trying not to care or let things bother me as much…which they do sometimes, but…growing pains!

Thanks for the lovely comment!

Karoliina Kazi

I loved reading your post and can relate to so many of your feelings and experiences. You look beautiful, the red dress is absolutely gorgeous.

I love this post. I’m a fashion blogger who is an introvert and suffers from severe social anxiety. I luckily have my husband take my photos but I always worry about people seeing me take the photos. It takes a lot of work but I’m getting better.

OMG another introvert fashion blogger! I feel like there’s so few of us haha, or not that many people talk about it. You’re super lucky your husband takes them, it’s such a hassle to get my boyfriend to do it. And I get you about people seeing me take pictures in public; the good and bad thing about NYC is that there are so many bloggers here so you always see people taking OOTD shots but there’s also. . . .so many bystanders.

bee15

wow, #1 felt like my exact thoughts- it feels kinda great though to at least know I’m not alone – sometimes it really feels as i am – and I HATE going to events alone! I worked up the courage to do it a few times but then somehow regressed… def have felt if I had more confidence I’d be further along with my blogging. I do think sometimes feeling introverted has potentially held me back- but I love your story, and your perception of your own introvert feelings as well. I live in NYC too – so next time we should head out to one together 🙂 xxx Bee

Yes, going to events solo is the worst. It can definitely be super draining and soooooo much better to have a friend to go with. We should grab a coffee & discuss!

Kitty Limon

You’ve definitely hit the nail on the head in regards to being an introverted blogger, I’ve found that I’m less likely to OOTD posts or any that may show my imperfections, as well as not really sharing it with people in my life

Leticia Carpenter

Love this! I am also an introverted blogger, thankfully not in fashion (that would be a disaster being how shy I am lol). But, I understand completely. I had been writing in my blog for a year quite regularly but none of my friends or family knew until just a few weeks ago. It’s hard to let people in sometimes and it’s scary to hear their critiques.

My family does not know about this blog (eeek) but my coworkers recently found out and that was daunting. It’s definitely super hard to put yourself out there and receive criticism so I give you kudos for doing it! I’m still working on it (maybe I’l tell my parents this Christmas). Thank you for commenting!

As an introvert blogger myself, I can totally relate! I also started blogging because it was an outlet for me to share my thoughts and feelings, but eventually evolved into more of a lifestyle blog. Definitely was a bit weird at first when I announced my blog to the public (all my fb/ig friends, etc.) but it has definitely brought me out of my shell! 🙂

I’m so happy it got you out of your shell! I’m happy that blogging blew up in the past couple of years so it doesn’t make it so weird to say to your friends/family that you have a blog. Most of my friends know that I blog (except for my family, eeek) so baby steps for me!

Robin

I love this post so much. Promoting yourself and your work every day with the façade of pure confidence is SO challenging, especially for introverts – it feels so inauthentic and narcissistic! I can relate to every word you write. Keep doing what you’re doing and having an honest dialog about it at the same time – it’s the only way I’ve found to make authentic human connections in spite of the artificial awkwardness!!

Thank you for getting it!! I was hesitant about putting the narcissistic part in this post but it’s really something I struggle with almost any time I post a photo. I’m glad I was able to reach some part of the blogger community with this post and I think I may continue to write about it. I wasn’t aware there were so many other introverted bloggers out there, it’s been so great to connect with everyone!

Lydia

Love this! I am too a fashion blogger and the transition has definitely been a scary one. I have gotten used to taking pics of myself as vain as that sounds. I would describe myself as a social introvert. I do enjoy certain social gathering but I really enjoy the comfort of my home more 🙂

I totally get you on the social introvert part. And yesss, that transition is hard and scary and, for me, took such a long time but I think I’m finally comfortable and okay with where I am. Thank you so much for taking the time to comment!

I so relate to this
as an introvert blogger, I take my own photos because I feel so awkward when Im the centre of attraction
I really don’t get tired of spending time with myself in the comforts of my home and I can give up a great outing for just that
but blogging got me to open up little by little considering the fact that i initially wanted to stay anonymous from the begining
its been a good experience and transition all the same
great post my dear
thanks for sharing

I think being a combination of extro and intro I can see how hard it is for some to really push past that comfort zone and get themselves out there! I’m so proud that you did girl and I think with time it definitely gets easier and when you start to find yourself and what you’re comfortable with then you’ll naturally start to see the confidence build!

I feel you very much hun! I still do feel jittery when attending events and I started blogging for the exact same reasons as you! I guess I might be down with depression if I suppressed my emotions too much and writing helps me vent it all out on my blog and is good for me in a way 😉 And oh I so can feel you on the photographer portion ~ my hubs take most of my photos but he is complaining about me abusing him too much.. So guess I need to get a bestie like you 😉

I think that being an introvert has a lot of social challenges but I kind of enjoyed taking OOTDs and beautifying my IG feed. So, I’m not gonna quit pursuing my passion at this point in time 😉 Thanks for sharing with us your feelings but I’m glad that I can feel you so much! *LOL

I’m definitely an extrovert, but it hasn’t always been that way, quite the contrary. i’d say that I have had my fair share of social anxiety and have even been on medication years ago to get rid of it, but the best thing you can do about it (and any other anxiety issues) is exactly what you are doing right now: putting yourself out there and facing your fears. That’s how I overcame mine, by forcing myself to go places I usually wouldn’t dare go to.
I’m also very happy you’re so open about this as I feel we bloggers have some sort of social responsibility as role models too and there are SO many other people out there suffering from social anxiety.
Lots of hugs!
xx
Thomas

First of all, you look stunning! I completely understand all of this. I’m the most extroverted introvert there probably has ever been. I grew up hosting events and HAVING to be an extrovert but it was always REALLY unnatural for me and I would always over think everything. I just got good at pretending to be an extrovert. When you talk about being exhausted…my goodness that’s one of the toughest parts about it I think! Having to recoup my energy after coming into contact with anyone that isn’t in my ‘bubble’ stinks. I went through the same thing about looking at my Instagram profile and rolling my eyes. There were so many times that I thought about quitting for that fact alone. The fact is though I enjoy it all to much to not make myself get out of my head and just go after what I love and props to you for doing the same!

Thank you for sharing – most people don’t realize how hard it is to put yourself out there all exposed. I try to keep pushing myself every day – I know I’m a better person for it. So what if it means I have to crawl into my shell and take a break every now and then. It does get easier thou.

LAKO EVA

hello dear!!!
I’m think many persons today are introvert, because the world in our life make this, to be maybe more careful. Sometimes I’m gelous to share a lot of part for me 🙂 I’m meaning thoughts at inside of my life…but blogging can help to hide this.:))
Anyway you look very hottie and sensulally in this beautiful dress.
xx
Evahttp://www.themermaidfashion.com

maggie

Thank you so much for sharing this! I’m exactly the same? Maybe a little less, but I definitely have a hard time even acknowledging that I’m a blogger in front of my friends. I really hate saying, “Oh, I gotta go do a photoshoot with my husband now.” Also, the events are always great, but I never go if there’s no plus 1. It’s just too awkward. So good to know that I’m not the only one that feels this way. Haha. This was definitely very comforting!

I think it’s so awesome that you shared this! I feel you on the going to events. Which is funny because I’m extroverted but I always hated going alone, or being the one to strike a conversation. It always felt so awkward so I can only imagine how it feels for someone so introverted. It’s nice to read about your journey and seeing you get out of your shell

I totally understand you dear as I’m an introvert too! Well, people don’t really believe it as I’m a talkative person but it’s true. I don’t like being out and about and it feels weird when I’m alone at the party and have no one to talk to. However I feel that blogging actually helps to become … I don’t know … more extroverted person?

Thank you for sharing your honest story with us! It was a great read and I’m so happy that there are introverted people like me out there trying to make their dreams come true in our extroverted world!

Im also an introvert and agree with you on so many points. I think the hardest for me is to go to event, especially alone and trying to connect with other people and put myself out there. I have been lucky to have amazing friends who have ought me up about my blogging and kept me positive about it.

The majority of people don’t realize what it takes to be a blogger. The sheer effort of putting yourself out there for the world every single day deserves mad respect on so many levels. Not only do you put yourself out there physically, but also socially, mentally, intellectually, etc. But we do it because we have something to share and encouragement to give.

As for me, I’m actually an Ambivert (Extroverted Introvert). Talk about confusing! I can be the life of the party one day, then need complete solitude the next day. So I can completely relate when you say social gatherings can be draining.

The fact that you’re blogging as an introvert is remarkable. Every day you put your fears aside and take yourself out of your comfort zone. That is a true symbol of strength my friend!

xoxo,
Lacey | www. stateoflace.com

Jessica

I appreciate this post so much! I think you are doing a beautiful job sharing everything about yourself and doing it in a beautiful way. I think what you’re doing is the perfect way to explore what it means to be an introvert and still want to share something you’re very passionate about. xo, Jessica

Agree on so much of this! I write regularly, and it feels like I can’t bring myself to promote on social networks, etc because I feel the same, that it’s narcissistic. I’m always surprised when I share something and the reaction is positive (or there’s a reaction at all) because I feel sometimes like my voice is just a peep in a huge ocean of bigger and louder voices. Loved hanging out yesterday and hope we do it again soon 🙂

ellen kim

This post was so inspiring! I completely understand introverts since my husband is one! I’m more of an extrovert but I know sometimes I just need my alone time too! So glad you shared this from your point of view! Cn’t wait for the next post!
xo,
Spreadfashioblog.com

this post is so true! I admire you for opening up about being an introvert. I dont even know where I categorize myself. Sometimes I feel like extrovert but mostly introvert too. i find it draining afterwards when trying to socialize. THis is already a step for you to get out of your comfort zone and I admire you for that! love that red dress too

x
Darlene

Jessie Li (4evajessie)

What an inspirational piece! Love reading it! Love the photos 😉 babe you have made a great step by sharing your thoughts and feelings openly on this post. Hope 2017 would be an amazing year for you for blogging!

OMG, you just described me! I think I am more introvert than anybody ever. As a fashion blogger, I struggle with taking pictures in crowded places. I feel like everybody is looking at me, and that makes me even more shy. And that bitchy face thing *covering her eyes emoji* It’s great to know I’m not alone here.

I’m an introvert also, but I think the best thing about blogging is that we can all have a platform where we share our thoughts and ideas 🙂 We can have a voice that can be heard, and I feel like we have an inner strength that just needs a little bit of push. 🙂 Cheers to a confident 2017!

Oh girl, I can totally relate to everything you pointed out! I am also an introvert, and social events are killing me. I always get anxious when those happen, if I can’t get a plus one then you would find me on my phone the whole time, trying to find something to do. As for taking the pictures, it was difficult for me as well, because I used to hate being in front of camera. Last but not least, RBF! I have that too LOL! I guess we should be besties.

I loved this post. It really show strength. I can quite relate with being an introvert blogger. I used to do it that way as well a few years ago and had my blog (secretly), after a while i stopped blogging and now I am back with fashion & travel blogging (public).