Airlines and bailout money? Let me count the arenas

With U.S.
airlines unable to part their sea of red ink and forced to rely on federal
bailout money, how can they continue to justify their long-term arena
naming-rights deals? Since Sept. 11, five of the largest U.S. air carriers
(United, American, Delta, Continental and America West) have received
$1.3 bil in bailout money. And yet these same five are committed to
$353 mil, or 26.6 percent of that money, in future years for naming
rights to arenas in Dallas, Miami, New Jersey, Chicago, Phoenix and
Salt Lake City. How long before the federal government makes them cut
their losses and stop these "flights of fancy"? Maybe then, like the
old department store in Fargo (N.D.), which went by the name "The Store
Without a Name," these arenas will become known as "The Arenas Without
a Name."

"A" ARGUMENT: Tampa Bay fullback Mike Alstott believes
imitation is far less flattering than insulting. Especially when it
comes to his nickname, "The A Train." Finding that Chicago Bears rookie
running back Anthony Thomas uses the same nickname, Alstott fumed, "There's
only one 'A Train.'" If Alstott is really serious about wanting exclusive
possession of the name, maybe he should go after the estate of the original
owner of the copyright, Duke Ellington, who took it and rode it into
a classic. Or have the famous quote by Rocky Graziano expunged from
the books — "As kids, we never stole anything that didn't begin
with a 'A' ... a wallet, a car, a train ..."

HIGHER FASHION: Seems the NBA has little else to do than
ensure that its players are wearing short shorts. Its "fashion police"
recently bagged nine players for violating the sartorial code by wearing
pants that looked as if they were made by Omar the Tentmaker, fining
each $5,000. One of those, Orlando's Tracy McGrady, even tried to conform
to the code, taking his pants to the tailor to have them shortened.
However, despite his hemming (and hawing), the league still saw fit
to fine him. Apparently, the NBA believes that brevity is the soul of
shorts.

BEAUTY AND THE BOAST: While Anna Kournikova is waiting
for her tennis ship to come in — and for all the success she's
had, apparently she's waiting at a train station for that ship —
her name continues to turn up in the unlikeliest of places. One of those
was the recent rumor that she'll be cast as a "Bond Girl" in an upcoming
James Bond movie, a rumor she's denied. However, her denial didn't stop
espn.com from asking its readers to suggest colorful names for her supposed
Bond character. Some 2,700 responded with names ranging from "Lussbody"
to "Love Forty" to the improbable "Anita Tourwin." In yet another sighting
of Ms. K's name, Lycos, which uses her as its commercial spokeswoman,
reported that she was the most searched-for athlete on its Web site,
ahead of Michael Jordan, Derek Jeter and Tiger Woods. All of which prompted
her agent, Phil de Picciotto, to crow: "[She is] so highly visible in
other areas that people tend to overlook her tennis achievements." De
Picciotto's comment brought a guffaw from Thomas Bonk of the L.A. Times,
who made this matchless point: "It's actually not too hard to overlook
such 'tennis achievements' as zero tournament wins."

THE OLYMPICS: A GREEK TRAGEDY:
Not only is Greece having a tough time getting ready for the 2004 Olympics
— the road that's supposed to take materials to build the Olympic
venues is still not completed — but they're also having trouble
lighting the Olympic torch. Seems that the chemical process used in
Olympic cooking, heating and getting a new start in business, the fire
that's supposed to kindle the Olympic flame that will flicker during
the Salt Lake City Olympics, thrice failed to ignite. And so a backup
flame that had been produced during a practice session was employed.
"Maybe next time, they can switch to a Zippo," wrote John Powers of
The Boston Globe, tongue not too far removed from cheek.

LINE OF THE WEEK: Late-night host
Jay Leno, on the Utah Supreme Court's ruling that grabbing one's crotch
in public is against the law: "There goes the hopes of Salt Lake City
ever getting a Major League Baseball team."