12.18.2012

Hipster C#u#n&ts

Hipsters should be ashamed of themselves. Not for the obvious reasons, but for their unchecked behaviors of taking first dibs on a community's donated goods. Because the awkward hours that their part time coffee house gigs keep, they are able to run rampant, combing through every item of your late grandpa's wardrobe, picking the best, most plaid of tops, while their girlfriends finger through every piece of your great aunt's scarf and jewelry collections.

And to top it off , they do it with headphones on. Big headphones that they just found in the broken electronics troph at the other end of the store. They are good at what they do, using one less sense than everybody else, enhancing their sight and touch for an optimal ransacking sesh.

You should hang your small beanied, patchy bearded, Hipster heads. For you are the reason the children of Russian immigrants are made fun of by the American kids. They are forced into Ross department stores all across this non-communist nation, constrained to a choice between orange leather pointy shoes and burnt orange leather pointy shoes. They are relegated to wearing light blue, puffy winter coats all year round. Take a moment to think about that for a sec guys. Could you imagine the difficulty of learning a foreign language whilst adorning yourself with a half unbuttoned purple silk dress shirt? Sure the shirt shows off your many white gold chains and kinda sexy chest hair...but still.