How Comfortable Are You with Touch?

The handshake. The hug. The fist bump. The pat on the back. The kiss on each
cheek that’s so common in other cultures. That’s a lot of touchy-feely behavior
to contend with, especially if you’re not entirely comfortable with physical
contact outside your nearest and dearest.

In an age where new viruses and antibiotic-resistant strains of bacteria are
constantly emerging… at a time when sexual harassment training is mandated for
businesses in nearly every state… within a culture that increasingly relies on
electronic and remote communication instead of face-to-face encounters, isn’t it
interesting that so many forms of touch are accepted, tolerated and even, in
some cases, expected?

There really isn’t a graceful way to decline these gestures. You run into a
colleague you haven’t seen in a while and suddenly there’s nowhere else to go
but into the expectant hug that’s formed in front of you. You walk into a
meeting with complete strangers and have no choice but to reciprocate once a
hand has been outstretched for a firm shake. There’s nowhere to go when your
back’s being patted… These invitations to connect leave no room for escape.

Sure, you could hold back by half-heartedly hugging or limply shaking or
barely grazing knuckles… But those partial pullbacks are no less uncomfortable
for you. At best, they might cause the initiator to think twice before a
physical contact is made again. Meanwhile, you’re left feeling encroached upon,
perhaps even mildly violated.

You do have some options for controlling these situations in order to ease
your own discomfort.

You can refuse the gesture. Doing so in a direct and confident way is
essential. Simply say “No offense, but I’m not a really a hugger,” or “I
prefer to shake hands rather than kiss.” If you do this with warm eye
contact and continue conversationally engaging, this will not seem rude or
offensive.

You can decide to accept others’ gestures without reservation,
understanding that these are meant as expressions of interest in, respect
for or acknowledgement of you. Accepting the intent does make it easier to
accept the gesture comfortably.

You can choose a strong offense as a good defense. If you don’t wish to
be hugged, put your hand out first to signal that a handshake is how you
will be connecting in this moment. If you don’t want a handshake, keep your
hands full. Take control by being prepared in a situation to look available
only for what you are comfortable with.

Let it be okay for others to initiate and reciprocate as they choose. And
make it okay for yourself, too, to comfortably engage (or not) in physical
contact.