Boehner to G.O.P. Regarding Possible Obamacare Overturn: Guys, Try Not to Be the Worst

Terra cotta house speaker John Boehner has instructed his troops to be on their very best, company-is-coming-over behavior should the Supreme Court decide on Monday, or later next week, to rule the Affordable Care Act unconstitutional. “There will be no spiking of the ball,” he told his ranks in a memo, according to The Hill. Eric Cantor will have to cancel that prop plane he had hired to write “SAY ‘ADIOS‘ TO YOUR PRECIOUS HEALTH CARE, MOTHERFUCKERS” over some impoverished metropolis. “Republicans are focused on the economy … We will not celebrate at a time when millions of our fellow Americans remain out of work,” Boehner wrote. “I was trying to give that skywriting pilot a job,” Cantor will mumble under his freezing, icy breath.

The Hill also reports that “[i]n the memo, Boehner did not address how G.O.P. members should act if the law is upheld,” likely sensing that “amorphous, intellectually unfounded indignation strewn like vitriol-cultivating manure over the cable-news landscape” is not something that Republicans need reminders on how to do.