Samsung Galaxy S6 to include water pistol, cigarette lighter

It's still over a week before you can buy a Galaxy S5, but Samsung is already hard at work the now-hotly-anticipated Galaxy S6, a powerful 5in ‘superphone’ with a wealth of built-in accessories, including a forward-facing aperture for squirting water and a headphone port that releases burning butane gas.

“The water pistol we see as purely for fun”, said Door Mcmugtable, a Digital ForeThinker who describes himself as working for Samsung in an unpaid, at-a-distance consulting role, “but the cigarette lighter is all about utility. You see, while the name might make it seem like a very specific device, a cigarette lighter isn’t just for lighting cigarettes. You could use it to start a fire in the woods, or in your home. And then I guess you could use the water pistol to put it out.”

In an increasingly crowded market filled by phones that are made from the same components, manufacturers need that extra bit of magic to make their product stand out. “It’s all about establishing identity,” says Mr Mcmugtable. “Where other phones are different colours and whatnot, the Galaxy S6 will be the only smartphone on the market that can be used to commit a water-based prank, then light up a fine Romeo y Julieta cigar immediately afterwards. This opens up two very hard-to-reach markets for us: clowns, of course, and the classy, high-end Business Smoker market - the sort of people who read Cigar Aficionado magazine.”

HTC has yet to comment on Mr McMugtable's predicition that its next flagship phone, the HTC One M9 (One), will have a speaker grille that doubles as an electric shaver.