Things that should be illegal

Okay, I’ve now seen two separate commercials for anti-hangover pills. They take two different tacks: one shows a guy reeling from his morning hangover, while his wife (or one-night-stand?) is as perky as can be. The difference: she took her anti-hangover pill before heading out on their drinking binge, while hubby didn’t. After clapping a few cymbals next to his ears and laughing at his misery, she suggests that he, too take the anti-hangover pill the next time he goes out to get falling-down drunk.

The other commercial — I can’t remember whether it’s the same product or not — takes the high-and-mighty approach. “If you’re like me,” the charming host announces as he enters a sanitary white room, “you can really be laid out by a hangover — even after just one or two drinks” (that’s right, occifer, I just–HIC–had one or two drinks–HIC!). “So the responsible thing to do is to take a safe, effective precaution to avoid hangovers.” Then he goes on to explain about taking the pills BEFORE you go out to drink (like any self-respecting drunk is going to remember to do that), and closes with a “responsible” reminder: “don’t drink and drive,” a message that sounds just about as hollow as the tobacco companies telling us not to smoke.

Then there are these tinted glass license plate covers that everyone seems to be sporting these days. You can’t read the license plate, and the outfits selling them claim they also defeat those infrared stoplight-cams. So these things are legal (well, at least in some states)? How could it possibly be legal to deliberately obscure your car’s required identification.

Next, we’ll see kids walking into bars, showing their ID cards with custom mirrorized slipcovers. “Uh, I can’t see your photo or birthdate,” the bouncer will tell them.

“Oh, it’s perfectly legal,” the kid will respond. “Besides, I took my anti-hangover pill before I came here!”