I spoke at an open mic for the first time in a long time at Busboys. It was a poem that I’d written for my Dad’s birthday in March but been too nervous to share.

I was given a voice & I can’t let fear be the thing to halt me & keep me from moving forward.

Fear has been a driving force in my life and has informed too many of my behavioral choices to the point that it’s ingrained in me. Fearful thoughts are the first thing I hear. With that fact echoing in my head, I still have to step forward. I won’t grow if I don’t.

And my biggest fear is being stuck. Never growing. I have to hush these voices if I want to step into the light, out of my comfort zone towards true authenticity.
There is no other option. My parents cannot speak, so I speak for them. I won’t let fear blind the path of potential any longer. Sure, I’ll always be afraid, but I won’t let that be a reason for me not to speak. I will feel that fear & go. Feel the fear & go. Go.

Happy Birthday to the strongest, funniest, and wildest woman I ever knew. Happy Birthday to the woman who taught me how to walk, laugh & listen with my heart. Happy Birthday to my best friend, my reason for living, & my source of strength. I love you with every single part of me – from my toes to my lungs. Happy 50th Birthday Mommy, Tovoia, Tinka! 💕💕💕 We’ll see eachother again one day.

On Valentine’s Day, I think of my Dad. When I was in the 6th grade, my father surprised us with teddy bears, chocolate, and flowers at school. Every Valentine’s Day & every day since I can remember, it wasn’t always surprise flowers, but an experience of a distinctive friendship.

In March, it will be 2 years since he passed and though I will cry today, it will not only be from sadness, but from the overwhelming rush of fond memories. Valentine’s Day means different things to different people but for me it represents my father’s hugs, laughter, energy, and love. Valentine’s Day is riding around and screaming along to oldies with the windows down. Its hand dancing with him. It’s listening to his advice & his encouragement & feeling in my heart how much he loved us in his actions.