Wednesday, November 25, 2015

My friend and fellow writer, Erica Heinsman, wrote this beautiful piece on her experiences with breastfeeding and weaning. Erica runs I’m
Totally Faking It. You may remember her from her guest post Thou Shalt Not Judge The Pregnant Woman. I met and grew to love Erica while playing coed touch
football with her when I lived in greater DC. She’s a smart, funny woman
raising two adorable babes with her lovely husband. Like her Facebook page and follow
her on Twitter @imtotllyfakngit. You’ll love her WTF Wednesdays and probably develop a Mom Crush on her.

Weaning, The Only Part of Motherhood That Came Naturally To MeWhen
I began the adventure into motherhood there were very few things I was
sure about. One thing I knew I wanted was to breastfeed my baby. There
were health benefits for him, and health benefits for me, including the
promises from moms before me that the caloric burn that would aid in
dropping the baby weight (which turns out doesn't happen for everyone,
especially when you need to eat more than normal to keep your production
up).

Breastfeeding
was not the beautiful and natural bonding activity I had read about. It
was hard. I had a hard time producing a decent supply for him; a prior
breast reduction left me with a lot of scar tissue and less milk ducts
than I was born with. My cesarean with subsequent pain meds also didn't
help us any. With the aid of a lactation consultant I was able to
produce enough milk to keep him exclusively breastfed. Our regime for
the first month involved nursing, pumping immediately after and then
syringe feeding the baby with the pumped milk. I also had to swap out
the potent pain meds for some tylenol, because even though the hospital
told me it wouldn't happen, he was clearly getting knocked out when he
would nurse as the medication was making its way into my supply.

I
went back to work when he was only 10 weeks old. We really had only
started having success breastfeeding a few weeks prior, so I was
determined to keep my supply going while I was at work. This was not
easy. My designated pumping spot was the office cafe, so I had to be
sure I pumped before anyone started their lunch break, and couldn't pump
again until after everyone had finished. On top of that, the door
didn't have a lock, so I had to put a rolling cart in front of it to
keep people from just walking in and seeing my nipples being distorted
by the milking machine. Combine that with the fact that before or after I
pumped, I got dirty looks about my time away from my desk (it's okay
for smokers, not for breastfeeders), my supply was starting to take a
dive. In order to keep up with the demand the baby had, I made sure I
was also pumping after he went to bed, before I went to bed, and before I
left for work in the morning.

Fast
forward a few months, baby was 7 months old and I left that job and got
one with more flexibility. It was also around this time that I was fed
up with still holding onto an extra 20lbs of baby weight. I decided to
rejoin Weight Watchers (for what is probably the 5th time in my life)
and drop some of it. I really thought I could balance cutting calories
and keeping my milk supply up...I was delusional. Even though I was
focused on eating healthy, nutrient filled food, the drop in calorie
intake took its toll on my production. At this point baby was eating
some mashed veggies, so I didn't think it was much of an issue. Then we
went for his 9 month checkup, and when the nurse weighed him twice after
checking his chart I knew, he hadn't gained any weight since his 8
month appointment.

We
were 9 months in, I had overcome so many hurdles, I was tired of the
struggle, and I wanted my body back to myself. Though we knew that
formula was full of crap we didn't particularly want in our child's
system, my husband and I agreed that it was time to ween our little
man.

Our
plan of action was pretty simple, I would nurse in the morning before
breakfast, and then again before bed. Because little man was very
interested in our food, we made sure we always had mashed veggies
available for meal times, and then bottles would be formula. We did have
a small stash of breastmilk in the freezer, but instead of using it all
before moving to formula we decided to ration it so it would last
longer.

With
baby 10 months old now, my job was sending me for a week long training
in California. It was at this point that I went cold turkey on
breastfeeding. The hubby and I figured it would probably be easiest to
go cold turkey when I wasn't going to be around, so it's not like we
were depriving him of nursing, it wasn't an option without me there. I
was a little concerned that I would be dealing with with the pain of
engorgement, or leaking out in front of my new colleagues, but it turns
out my body was ready to be done. I didn't have any suffering at all, my
boobs went back to normal status within the week.

I
know there are a lot of moms that are sad when they are done nursing
their little ones. I was sad too, but only a little bit. I was sad that
this meant that he was growing up, and sad that this was the first time
in his life he didn't need me for nourishment. In all honesty, I was
mostly relieved to be done with it. I no longer had to schedule my life
around feeding schedules, or hook my boobs up to a pump to be milked
like a cow. I was free to function as individual again, not always
having a person or machine latched on to me. I'm
glad that I breastfed for as long as I did, and I'm proud of myself for
working as hard as I did in order to do it for so long... and I saved
us a crap-ton of money, because formula is not cheap.

Erica is a native Buffalonian (Go Bills!) now living just
outside of Washington, DC in Silver Spring, MD. She’s a working mom and wife
attempting to make it through the day without crying or murdering someone. Her basic life necessities are Amazon Prime,
screw top wine, coffee, and her DVR. If she’s not drinking and/or online
shopping, she’s probably at the playground giving the stink eye to parents who
look too well dressed to be at the playground.

About Me

I earned my Ph.D. in 2012 at the University of Maryland in Developmental Psychology. Since then, I've become an Assistant Professor of Psychology at Alma College and a mom. I started blogging to share how I balance both my knowledge of what helps kids develop best with my limitations of being a human on the front line of motherhood.