I am just wondering how many of the FI’s on here are actively participating in wedding planning? I feel that my FI should be more a part of the wedding planning cuz I’m the one who does all the research online and thinks of ideas for the reception and our ceremony/honeymoon. I am not just marrying myself so he should have a role in the planning. We’ve talked about my ideas a bit and he usually tells me if he agrees or disagrees with my ideas. I told him that I feel he should be more a part of planning and he asked what I’d like him to do. The trouble is I don’t really know how to answer that (other than do some online research to get ideas which he isn’t very good at). We are just going to Las Vegas to get hitched really and then my FMIL is throwing us a reception when we return so really most of the planning is in the reception and honeymoon. How are you incorporating your FI into the planning?

I have to keep pushing my FI to do things.. the majority of things I asked him to do either I ended up doing or my Mom ended up doing because I got tired of waiting. He usually just gives his opinion on things.. I come up with a list of things.. and he helps choose.

@2bMrsG: So far, he’s been pretty much answering all of my tangents and ideas with “cool” or “okay”. My FI isn’t really into any of this stuff and he’s never been to a wedding, so he’s pretty much letting me take the driver’s seat. But he promised once it gets closer to be involved and help me with ideas and plans… we’re going to do a lot of DIY stuff, so he’ll be happy and willing to help with all of that. He’s good with direction, not so much at planning (which is fine because I like taking charge haha). His mom and aunt are really into decorations and neither has a daughter, so I’m betting they’ll more than make up for his lack of enthusiasm, lol!

I’m pretty Type A, so I usually get the ball rolling on booking vendors, and am more aware of deadlines. He did the invitations and some other things completely on his own and will do anything I ask. He also cares about the decor and flowers, etc., and I’m glad he does.

My FI is not really interested in planning (it’s just not his thing) so I’ve been doing most of the research and then when I narrow things down I will ask his opinion.

Example: When looking at photogs I narrowed it down to 3 vendors and asked him to look them over with me. Did he like one more than the others, etc.

Also when I’m beginning a project I just ask him up front. “Babe, do you have an opinion on flowers?” If he says no I just do it myself and show him the final product. If he says yes I will set aside time when we can both work on it/research together. (It’s more fun that way!)

The things he has been saying yes to have actually been quite surprising…. Like the cake topper?!

Yes, I feel like I got to push my FI into the planning too. I just don’t know what he can help with half of the time cuz I have a better idea of what I want than him. I wish there was some kind of wedding planning class he could take so he could learn about that stuff! It seems like most Men just aren’t into all the details of weddings like Women usually are.

The majority of grooms don’t really participate. My DH didn’t have much to do with it. I’d show him something and he say if he loved, it hated it or would just put up with it because I loved it. That was his participation. He was supposed to plan the honeymoon but I ended up finding our honeymoon spot, so I dealt with it instead. You have to kind of let go of the dream that he’s going to help…. Give him a couple of small jobs that are okay if they don’t get done until last minute 😉

Thanks for all your input. I figured I wasn’t the only one in this situation. If it is more a case of him just not being into wedding stuff, then I’ll have to accept that is just part of his personality. It seems like this may be a case of him not knowing what he can do though since I’m taking control so much. I can’t really think of a job he can help with much (aside from helping me look at reception invitations and give his opinion of them).

FI really cares about what is going on but we are still far out that he keeps putting off helping with things. It is just his nature. Every inspiration or idea goes by him first. Except the dress of course because he actually doesn’t want to know what it looks like. He is cute and excited and as it gets closer to next June I know he will be more than willing to help out.

He doesn’t really care. He just says ‘It’s your day!!’. He cares about the tuxes, his GM and the actual wedding. But the details? not so much.

He has thrown some random things in there that he’s passionate about: he wanted a videographer as of like a month ago, and I told him we can’t afford it, he wants photos to be short and sweet, and he wants there to be lots of food.

We’re a strange case… I’ve been a wedding planner/coordinator for years so I had a lot of ideas in my idea bank to pull from.

FI is very admittedly not good at quick decision making or understanding how one decision affects others.

For just about everything, I’ve shown him a narrowed selection and asked for his input. For some things, he’s surprised me with his own selections (like the ties… I would never in a million years expected him to pick out paisley ties… which I LOVE!)

He says all the time if we left the wedding to him, there’s NO way we’d be able to pull it off in 4 months as we will do, and there wouldn’t nearly be as many details taken care of or made.