The Alternate Side is the 28th episode of the sitcom Seinfeld. The episode was the eleventh episode of the show's third season. It aired on December 4, 1991.

The episode was written by Larry David and Bill Masters; it was directed by Tom Cherones. The idea for the Woody Allen story came from David's experiences working with Allen; he briefly appeared in Radio Days (1987) and New York Stories (1989). He would later appear in a lead role in Whatever Works (2009). The episode is notable for its repeated use of the line "these pretzels are making me thirsty," one of the first popular catchphrases to emerge from the show, which inspired fans to throw pretzels during Jerry Seinfeld's stand-up comedy performances during the few months following its premiere.

In 2012, Jerry Seinfeld admitted that this is his least favorite episode, saying the stroke patient storyline made him feel uncomfortable.[1]

Jerry's car is stolen and he has a conversation with the thief (voiced by Larry David) on the car phone. Kramer asks for his gloves from the car thief. George takes a job moving cars from one side of the street to the other (covering Sid's shifts while he travels to visit his sick nephew) to comply with alternate side parking regulations, in which he does a predictably shoddy job. Elaine cares for her 66-year-old boyfriend, who has a stroke just before she is about to break up with him. Kramer gets a line in a Woody Allen film, "These pretzels are making me thirsty!" All four of the main characters use the line at least once during the episode, further popularizing the expression.

George then causes a car collision and traffic jam, making it take longer for the ambulance to reach Elaine's boyfriend, which causes additional neural damage that could have been prevented. Due to the major inconveniences because of the delays caused by George, a disgruntled Woody Allen says that he may never shoot a movie in New York City ever again. Additionally, George's poor performance causes many of Sid's long time customers to cancel, therefore causing Sid a loss of income. This results in Sid being unable to finance his nephew's operation to save his foot (which must now be amputated). While filming a shot during the movie, Kramer slams down his beer mug on the bar and accidentally injures Allen with a flying shard of glass. He subsequently gets fired from the set. Also, Kramer gets the brown gloves from the car thief but has no information about the car, which irritates Jerry.