The ultimate golf conspiracy theory: There is no Tiger Woods

Throughout the years, conspiracy theorists have postulated on numerous historic events. From the Kennedy Assassination to the Moon Landing Hoax to 9/11 conspiracy theories, a new truth has emerged - everything you've ever learned about everything is a lie.

But this latest piece of information - based on months of research by groups of hard-working, patriotic Americans - shows the depth and depravity of the super-secret groups that quietly run the planet. What you are about to read will shock you to your very core, especially if you're a fan of the PGA Tour:

How can this be, you ask? Tiger is everywhere, there are eyewitness accounts of him winning tournament after tournament. There are commercials with Woods endorsing products. The Tiger Woods story is a great piece of Americana.

But it's all a lie. Tiger Woods is a non-entity.

Secret Documents Unearthed

Secret documents recently unearthed by a group of 9/11 Truthers started the ball rolling. Since then, hard-working citizen journalists from around the country have put together the pieces and the evidence is insurmountable. There is no Tiger Woods, and the Tiger Woods Truth Movement is gaining momentum.

The secret documents laid out a vast conspiracy by such groups as Skull and Bones, the Bilderberg Group and Freemasons, among others. The year was 1978 when the world's most important people, including Henry Kissinger, rocker Rod Stewart, comedian Bob Hope and soon-to-be President Reagan, met at a secret location in Istanbul to discuss the need for a new golfer to take the world by storm.

Keep in mind, this was just after the release of the original "Star Wars" film. Teaming with Steven Spielberg and George Lucas, the world's power brokers decided to make a trial run of this new "phenom" on the popular "Mike Douglas Show." Using Lucas' and Spielberg's technical genius, the group was able to create a segment showing a 2-year-old "Tiger Woods" hitting golf balls.

Much like the Moon Landing, careful examination of the Douglas footage shows that the only people in the studio that day were Douglas and Hope. The footage of Woods and father Earl? That was superimposed using digital technology. The trick worked, and millions of TV viewers were led to believe that a precocious young boy had a brilliant gift for golf. The Tiger Woods Hoax had began.

From that moment on, the world's power brokers - bent on creating a one-world government to enslave the world's population in misery - had their trump card. Over the years, more and more came out about Woods and his golfing exploits. And as technology improved, it was easier and easier for them to "create" the entity known as Tiger Woods.

But another clue emerged - Lucas, his schedule busy from endlessly creating digital animations to make it appear that Woods existed, went on to make three more "Star Wars" films, all of which were rubbish. That these films could be so bad is yet more proof that Lucas was overworked and insane from his years involved in the Woods hoax.

Even more secret documents unearthed later showed that the USGA was drafted into this powerful organization, which led to "Tiger Woods" winning three U.S. Amateur titles. All his "opponents" during his amateur career were either superimposed onto film, were paid actors or had been brainwashed, ala the film "The Manchurian Candidate."

The PGA Tour's vast hoax

Finally, the PGA Tour was brought into the mix by notorious one-world government proponent Nelson Rockefeller. Using mind-enhancing drugs that were sprayed over the crowds of PGA Tour events, Woods' "career" began, and his wins and winning personality won over more and more fans - and took the onus off of the nefarious one-worlders' ultimate designs for complete and total world domination.

How is this possible? If this is true, it means every player on the PGA Tour - including Phil Mickelson - is in on the hoax. In fact, everyone who has ever claimed to have spoken to, seen or met Tiger Woods must be in on the hoax. The truth is terrifyingly clear:

Pretty much everyone is in on it.

Yes, the media, Elin Nordegren and people who have claimed to have seen "Tiger Woods" are in on this scam, and it's only now being unraveled. Of course, there have been sightings of Woods, but newer, even more secret documents uncovered showed that these appearances were in fact made by one-time "Police Academy" star Michael Winslow. A gifted comedian, actor and mimic, it has been Winslow all along portraying Woods in public events. Winslow admitted as much in an interview with the New York Times, which was conveniently made to "disappear" by the government.

Winslow's proclamation led to a stunningly cocky move by Nike (also in on it), which started a Tiger Woods ad campaign featuring people saying, "I am Tiger Woods." The ploy worked brilliantly, and Woods' fame grew. Title after title went to this pretend human, including 13 majors. Money rolled in, all going to finance illegal wars throughout the world and to prop up despotic dictators. And with the public entranced by "Tiger Woods," no one was the wiser.

The Truth is out there

Recently, the unearthing of more, even secret-er secret documents have shown that the Woods character will now be used to help slay the Middle East. Woods' deal to build a golf course in Dubai is a convenient front for what they call "Operation Woods World Domination." All one has to do is check the price of oil to see its effectiveness - since the Dubai deal was announced, oil has gone up 98 percent. And oil will continue to rise and the dollar will continue to fall, ultimately burying the middle classes of all nations, and making us all into slaves to these scoundrels.

It is hard to accept, but the Truth always is. But think long and hard about it, and you will begin to see the light. It's impossible that one golfer, over the span of little more than decade, could win as many tournaments as Tiger Woods. If he was in reality winning so often, with such ease, he would have to be classified as super-human.

But the truth is that he's not human at all. Tiger Woods does not exist. And while the mainstream media will scoff at this article and mock it, dedicated patriots will continue the "Tiger Woods Truth Movement" until the truth can no longer be covered up.

So open your eyes, golf fans, and stop being "sheeple." It is inconceivable that a golfer like Tiger Woods exists. Therefore, he must be a hoax. And with super-secret documents, videotapes and photos emerging, the truth will come out. And it will set us all free.

There is no Tiger Woods. It's just too inconceivable.

March 17, 2008

William K. Wolfrum keeps one eye on the PGA Tour and another watching golf vacation hotspots and letting travelers in on the best place to vacation. You can follow him on Twitter @Wolfrum.

... who thought this!!! TW as a CGI!!!
But I believe you may be mistaken regarding the perpetrators of this devious plot. I mean, honestly... world domination??? After that, then what? A trip to Hawaii?
No, the guilty parties involved are NIKE and the PGA. Think about it... world domination (with it's inherent responsibilities) v. the nearly-limitless diposable income from billions of hackers wanting to play like him, or with the "same gear", (right), or the same clothes, (all of which profits NIKE), or the air-time sales the PGA, (and the networks, by default), can generate when he.. sorry... the CGI... is on TV. Sorry... gotta follow the money trail on this one. And everyone who has ever "seen" TW or played with / against him... in on it. Paid off, of course... there's so much coin floating around off of this they can afford to.

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