It Was Only A Joke

It all began when my wife and I found that we had a kids free weekend coming up and any parents out there will understand exactly what that means.

We decided to make the most of it by having a weekend away, not far, only about forty miles but they say a change is as good as a rest and we'd got a good deal on a flat in one of those busy seaside resorts where there is always something to do.

Now it was only a long weekend, Friday afternoon till Monday morning so you might think that packing would be a doddle. It was, for me, a couple of shirts, underwear socks and razor, I could have thrown them in the glove compartment, but for Helen, my wife it was another matter altogether. She packed clothes for morning, clothes for afternoon, clothes for evening, clothes for good weather , clothes for bad weather.

She had the largest case we own and it was filled to the brim , with only her stuff, I left her to it and threw my carrier bag on the floor behind the drivers seat and waited.

Eventually she appeared "Would you carry my case down?" she asked.

I went upstairs and that was when I made my mistake, She hadn't got around to closing the lid, I looked at the pile of clothes most of which she would never wear and it was then I decided to teach her a lesson.

Lying right at the top were the bras and panties that she intended to take, I was pleased to see that she had also packed a few suspender belts and an assortment of stockings. The Devil took over, gently I lifted the panties out and replaced them in her drawer, the bras followed. I wasn't stupid enough to do the same with the suspenders and stockings, Hell I know what I like.

Quickly I closed and locked the case and carried it down and placed it in the boot of the car and we set off.

Half way there, I knew that I shouldn't have done it, there was bound to be a scene, but what the hell, I would take her shopping once we were there and it would be like a bonus for her, she would be over the moon.

The flat was on the first floor of an old Edwardian building and the owner issued us with more keys than a prison warder carries. One for the main door, two each for the flat door and keys for each of the internal doors, apparently there had been a spate of break ins so he was ultra careful. The flat itself had been designed for small families, with a living room, kitchen, bathroom, a double bedroom and a tiny box room which had squeezed into it a single bed. The settee in the living room also converted into a bed if required.

I was admiring the sea view from the living room , looking forward to a brisk walk on the sea front a little later when I heard the scream.

"Dave" She yelled "Where the hell is my underwear" Helen of course was in the bedroom unpacking.

I strolled to the open door a laugh on my face ""Just a joke, come on" I said 'I'll take you shopping for some more"

The look on her face told me it was not going to be as easy as that.

"Do you have any idea how long I spent selecting what I brought with me, the finest, the prettiest, the best quality and you expect to take me to find some supermarket to replace them. Well buster you are in for a hell of a shock. You're really going to suffer for this."

She shoved me out of the room and slammed the door in my face.

Now I don't know how you handle a situation like this but I find it best to keep a low profile till the heat dies down, so that 's what I did. I resumed my examination of the sea view deciding whether to take her for an Italian or Chinese meal by way of apology. That was when the bedroom door opened.

I hadn't expected a thaw as quickly as that and I hadn't been mistaken. Helen appeared carrying my carrier bag , she totally ignored me , instead she walked into the next room to the bedroom, which was the box room I mentioned and tossed the carrier bag in.

Then she returned to the bedroom and closed the door. I heard the key turning in the lock.

Time to give her some space I decided, well after 17 years of marriage you learn to gauge things don't you. No that's right you never learn to gauge things.

I went off for a stroll around the town leaving her to rage or sulk or throw things or whatever suited her. I found a nice Italian restaurant and booked a table for two for 8pm, I picked up a local paper to check out the entertainment and then I found a branch of Marks & Spencer and blushing furiously I bought 3 sets of lingerie for her.

Slowly I returned to the flat knowing that by now she would want to make peace and walked in just as she was walking out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her.

"To make up " I said handing her the Marks & Spencer carrier bag. She took it, looked inside and walked into the kitchen and tossed the bag and contents down the rubbish chute, looked at me with contempt and walked back to the bedroom and once again locked the door.

Now I knew I was in real trouble. I sat on the settee and tried to decide what to do next.

After about 30 minutes the bedroom door opened, she emerged looking absolutely gorgeous. She was wearing a short flared blue skirt and a black blouse beneath which her unfettered 36b breasts were bouncing about happily. From the hem of her skirt I could see the black lycra indicating the stockings she was wearing, her blonde hair was brushed down over her shoulders and the make up was perfect, not too much, not too little, her favourite perfume wafted through the air.

Peace at last I decided. No I was wrong, ignoring me totally she turned and locked the bedroom door, checked her appearance in the mirror and promptly walked out of the flat door. I couldn't believe it. She was going out in the outfit I loved her to wear , her "fuck me now " outfit, without any underwear and she was leaving me behind. I made to go after her and stopped, I looked the same as I had when I drove here , I needed a shave , a bath and to get changed.

I looked out of the window, there she was striding purposefully towards the promenade where all the lively pubs and clubs were based, I could see the breeze lift the hem of her skirt a little and I couldn't run after her without looking like some demented dirty old man.

I have never in my life bathed, shaved and dressed as quickly as I did that night, it took perhaps fifteen minutes at the most, it was just after 6.30pm when I left the flat, The only keys I could find were the main outer door and the two for the flat itself, she must have had the others.

I set off in the direction I had last seen her going in, I turned the last corner, there must have been at least twenty pubs there, all lively and even at this hour all busy. I walked up and down in front of them trying to decide which was most likely to have appealed to her, trying to peer in the windows.

There was no sign of her, I began at the first pub and fought my way through the throng of bodies towards the bar, there was no sign of her at all. I tried the next and the next. I didn't see anyone even resembling her.

It was now 7pm she had been out for 45 minutes, she must be beginning to soften to me. I went back to the flat just in case she had gone back to forgive me, not a sign and that had wasted another twenty minutes. I rushed back, the place was even busier now. I checked the first three pubs again, just in case I had missed he. At the third the doorman stopped me "Weren't you in here just before and left without buying a drink ".

"Yes I 'm looking for someone"

"Well this is a business, if you go in you buy a drink"

"Yeah OK then, I 'm sorry I will" He let me in. I could feel his eyes on me as I made my way to the bar and ordered a half of lager.

With my "admission fee" in my hand I wandered around the pub as best I could given that it was packed. Not a sign. I drank it down and moved on to the next.

I 'm not sure whether the doorman had spoken to his friends at the other bars but they seemed to keep an eye on me so I bought a half at the next pub and the next. It was now 8pm. We should be taking our table at the restaurant now.

Taking a gamble I dashed back to the flat, another twenty minutes wasted, it seemed clear that she was now out for the evening. I went back to the street where the pubs were. Queues were now building up outside. I joined one and waited a frustrating ten minutes before I got anywhere near the door. Just as we were being allowed in I saw her. I couldn't mistake the blonde hair and her height and figure " Helen" I shouted as twelve people behind pushed me through the door of the wrong bar.

It took a few minutes to turn around and get back out and by then there was no sign of her but at least I knew the direction she was going.

There were queues at all of the pubs now, it should be easy to find her . I looked at my watch , it was nearly 9pm. No sign of her in that queue, or that one. I was becoming really frustrated now, would I ever find her.

The only places where there weren't any queues were outside the disco's come night clubs which were now open, taking a gamble I went in the first one I came to and paid the £5 admission fee.

The place was enormous and , as I quickly discovered was divided into three separate rooms. Each one was already busy, if all the clubs were like this I would never find her. I went into the first room and bought another half, I needed it, the rushing around and fighting my way through crowds had left me hot and dry.

I looked around, chart music was blasting out all around the room, the ultra violet lights made it difficult to see anything clearly if you were more than 20 yards away. I strolled around the room as though I always go to clubs like this on my own.

It hit me, Helen wouldn't go to a place like this on her own, pubs maybe but not a club so my theory must be wrong and she must still be in one of the pubs. It was as I was leaving that I heard her laugh, after 17 years you can detect your partners laugh, I knew I was right.

It came from one of the other rooms where the music was less loud, I made my way to it. This room was clearly designed for the Soul Music fans, The lighting was even dimmer but the room was smaller. I looked around I couldn't spot her but I knew that she was in here somewhere.

I bought another drink, turning my back to the bar I looked around. At last I saw her, she was sitting around the far side of the room, her back was to me and she seemed to have a white scarf across her shoulders. I made my way across.

I discovered that what I thought was a white scarf was in fact the white sleeved arm of a huge black guy which he had resting around my wife's shoulders.

She spotted me, I knew that when she turned to face her companion and kissed him, her mouth open wide and pressed those wonderful, and still unfettered 36b's into his chest. I stared my mouth wide open as the kiss carried on and he pulled her even closer to him.

Without breaking the kiss she moved over and sat on his lap facing me, rubbing it in, making me suffer all the more for the trick I had played on her.

His free hand moved onto her flat stomach, she didn't object , in fact I could now see her tongue inside his cheek, his hand lifted slightly and his huge hand embraced her right breast through her blouse. Again she made no objection, but I noticed her eyes flicker open for a second to make sure I was still watching. Her hand moved to her blouse just above his hand and flicked a button open.

His finger tips felt the flesh suddenly available to him and moved upwards to appreciate it better, and how did my wife react? By flicking open the next button and guiding his hand between the opening which had suddenly appeared. As I watched his huge hand slide between the layers of material to take possession of that perfect orb and stiff nipple I realised that her eyes were wide open and they were watching me intently.

I was on fire, horrified at the betrayal I was witnessing and yet a masochistic streak made me watch , almost relishing the pain I was feeling. They continued kissing, I could see his huge hand , stroking caressing, manipulating, squeezing, even moving across to her left breast to do the same there, it was as though he was methodically staking his claim to what had, until now been mine and mine alone.

When his free hand moved to her knee I could watch no longer. I turned and walked away unable to watch any more. Almost instantly I regretted it, I made my way to the bar and bought another drink while I planned what to do next.

I couldn't just leave, I had to know when she would eventually come to her senses, cautiously I made my way back to where they were sitting.

I couldn't believe my eyes. she had turned so that she was sitting more side on than before and the move was clearly to try to conceal the fact that only his elbow now remained outside of her skirt. His fingers must at least be touching if not buried deep inside her warm tender pussy. I dropped my drink and ran out of the club.

I raced back to the flat, the place we had looked forward to visiting. The escape from every day pressures of family and work, and sat shaking. If only I hadn't left her underwear behind , I should have known that she wouldn't have seen the funny side of it especially after she had taken so much time deciding what she wanted to take with her.

I looked at my watch it was 10.30pm, What time did that place close? I looked at the paper I had bought earlier that day and found the advert. It closed at midnight I read so I had ninety minutes left before she would be back and we would be able to put all of this behind us.

So what if she got touched up a bit by a guy in a club, it didn't mean anything , she was just teaching me a lesson. In fact now she realised that I had gone she had probably dumped him and was even now on her way back to me.

I left the flat yet again and headed back. I didn't see her on the way so I paid another £5 and went back in. They were on the dance floor now, I say "dance" but there is little Soul music you can dance to and the Aretha Franklin track that was playing just required some slight swaying. That is precisely what they were doing. their bodies pressed tightly together they swayed on one spot their lips glued tightly together. He was bent to reach her but I guessed that his full height must be about 6'3" too big for me to tackle. But of course I wouldn't need to , I looked at the time again, nearly 11pm. In a little over an hour she would be back. I would forgive her of course there was no question of that. I 'd been in the wrong in the first place and she was quite entitled to punish me if it made her feel better, I couldn't bear to watch any longer though.

Once again I left the club and walked to the harbour, gazing out at the wild and rugged North Sea I planned in my mind what I would say.

I could see the fishing boats on the moonlit horizon. I wondered if the fishermen worried about what their wives were up to while they were out trawling for a living late at night. whether their wives were in clubs like that using their own bait to lure a catch as Helen clearly had.

I looked at my watch, to my surprise it was only ten minutes before midnight. I hurried back to the club and found an alley way where I could wait and watch for her leaving.

I didn't have long to wait but he was still with her. They stopped to speak for a bit. I waited expecting them to say their good byes and then I could join her.

She turned and pointed in the direction of our flat and, putting their arms around each others waist they began walking in that direction.

Well I was glad that she had found a gentleman who wanted to see that she got home safely but I really needed to be there before them. I ran along the alley and found myself on a parallel street. I raced in the general direction and came out perhaps a hundred yards ahead of them. I glanced, they were talking as they walked and hadn't seen me so I sprinted all the way back.

In the flat I left the light off and watched out for them. At last I saw them strolling across the road to the front door. They passed below my view, I guessed perhaps two minutes to say goodnight and then she would be in the building.

I had the time spot on, as I heard the front door slam shut I flicked the light on and sat down in the armchair as though I had been in all night.

I heard her opening the two locks at the door and looked up to greet her and found myself looking at the huge black guy she had been with all night.

"Sit down Pete" My wife was saying, "Ignore him," She pointed at me "He is in enough trouble and if he doesn't want to be in the spare room when we get home he'll keep his mouth tightly shut" She glared a warning across at me as he took a seat in the middle of the settee.

I don't think I could have spoken anyway, I was dumbstruck, especially when she climbed on his knee and began kissing him.

It was obvious that he was uncomfortable, by his lack of response. She sat back, "Is he putting you off?" He nodded. she turned to me "Right you go to bed, and I don't want to hear a sound from you until the morning. Go on"

Disbelieving I stood and made my way to the bedroom and remembered, it was locked, not wanting to seem stupid I moved to the box room. As I entered it I heard her say "And just to make sure" the door slammed behind me and a key turned in the lock. I was locked in to this, this cell was the only way I could describe it.

I wondered what was happening. I held my ear to the wall but that didn't help. the bedroom was between the living room and the box room. I wondered if she would allow him into the big double bed, the way she was behaving it seemed highly likely. I ran my hand over the wall hoping to find a way out. Then it hit me, this was no Edwardian wall, there was no skirting board or dado rail. I felt it and tapped it gently, it was little more than a hardboard partition.

With my car key I scratched the surface, it gave way almost at once. I tried to remember the layout in the bedroom , it was difficult as I had only been allowed to see it briefly. I thought that the wardrobe was on the far wall and just a small chest of drawers on the other side of my wall. The bed was in the centre.

I climbed onto my single bed and slowly gouged a hole high in the wall. Peering through I found myself looking directly down onto the centre of the big double bed. I made the hole a fraction larger. I could now see the entire bed and a small area around it.

I froze, there was a footstep outside the door. I didn't want her to catch me. God knows how she would react to this.

I heard a key in a lock but it wasn't to my door, it was hers that was opening, she walked into my view point, she was already topless, and so was he. She sat on the bed and pulled her to him, his waistband was already loose and she yanked his trousers down exposing a huge stiff black cock, her mouth went to work on it eagerly as I stood excited, furious and excited again.

Her mouth bobbed up and down more and more rapidly as he leant forward and squeezed her naked breasts.

At last he pushed her off him and she stood and untied her skirt revealing her naked pussy. Was this the first time he had seen it I wondered, I knew that he had touched it in the club and probably again in the living room but I had no way of knowing whether he had seen it before.

Leaving me no more time to ponder this he turned her so that she was on her knees on the bed , her thighs parted exposing her peach to him in a way he could never have seen in the club.

He edged towards her naked vulva and placed the tip of his cock against her, he was huge, not only the length but the girth too, surely he would tear her open with that. Unfearing she wiggled her hips enticingly and the tip slipped inside her.