How JustAnswer Works:

Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.

Get a Professional Answer

Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.Ask follow up questions if you need to.

100% Satisfaction Guarantee

Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Kate McCoy Your Own Question

Kate McCoy, Counselor

Category: Relationship

Satisfied Customers: 5632

Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

54658078

Type Your Relationship Question Here...

Kate McCoy is online now

"Kate" McCoy
im thinking about writing her an e-mail. What

Customer Question

"Kate" McCoy

i'm thinking about writing her an e-mail. What do you think of this:

I went to LA for a week to help clear my mind, but i also realized that it was the perfect opportunity to ruminate, away from everyone and everything. At first, I tried to make myself feel better, but when i actually examined the evidence, I was horrified by what I saw. For months, I put you down and shut you out. All you were trying to do was help me, spend more time with me, talk with me. I can't imagine the pain that you must have endured. You put up with so much, for so long. I'm ashamed of myself. I neglected the person i valued most. I'm so sorry.

I was incredibly stressed out with my living situation here. It was a prison for me. It drove me mad. I projected my stress onto you rather than sharing those feelings with you, rather than expressing them to you and letting you in.

you said once that I loved you, but didn't like you. The truth is i really, really liked you. So i built a wall. I think i was afraid of what it all could mean. I was stuck. I'm sorry it took me so long to catch up.

This is a good email. You took the time to break down why you acted as you did then you were empathic regarding how she must have felt. You also talked about things she said to you, which means you not only heard her but that you remembered what she said. That indicates that her feelings are important to you.

You might want to add a part about what step you would like to take from here. Asking her what you can do for her is great. You can also add that you would like to talk to her for example. Just talk though. She may still have her guard up about what happened and she also may need the time to work on her trust with you. So go slowly. But suggesting a next step helps give her something to respond to.

just add at the end that maybe we could talk sometime? i see your point about including an actionable step, but i felt liked i owed her an apology free of motive this time. is there anything that seems to be lacking beyond that?

Or you might want to try, "I would like (or love) to talk with you sometime when you feel ready". Then imply that there is no pressure, just talking. You can also add "I miss you" or something that lets her know that you want to connect.

No matter how you look at it, saying you are sorry is the best policy. She was hurt, so telling her that you feel bad for what happened would be good to do whether you intended on resuming the relationship or not. You always want to say you are sorry if you are at fault. No one can blame you for doing that. And it helps you and it will help her. Even if things would happen not to work out she can always say you tried to make up for it. So that is not being pushy. Plus you are giving this your best shot. No matter what happens, you want to be able to say you at least did that. You want to have the least amount of regrets as possible, especially in relationships.

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.DianeDallas, TX

Meet The Experts:

Kate McCoy

Counselor

Satisfied Customers:

1580

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

X

Ask a Counselor

Get a Professional Answer. 100% Satisfaction Guaranteed.

120 Counselors are Online Now

Type Your Relationship Question Here...

characters left:

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.