I'm just pondering if a re-fi and a combining of the two mortgages might be feasible.

I think you are tilting at windmills. With closing costs added into the loan (because I'm assuming you can't pay these out of pocket), if your value and current balances are consistent with what you have stated, you are going to either have to get an FHA loan (with MIP) or conventional loan with PMI, because you will be at about 85% LTV. The MIP/PMI costs will cut down on the savings you are anticipating, if you can even qualify for a new loan with your documentable income of $45k. (Unless your wife's income is documentable for at least 2 years in her current business, it won't be counted.)

Even if you are able to save enough on your mortgage payment to make up for the $350 that you *think* you are overspending each month, it's still not going to resolve the basic issue that you and your wife are not on the same page with your financial goals.

And the reason I said *think* is because once people actually start documenting every penny that they spend, they find that their spending is significantly more than they thought it was. If this is the case for you, you would still be net negative each month.

You would be much better off concentrating on tracking your own spending and getting your wife to track her spending, and then coming to an agreement on what your financial goals are and what spending priorities need to be, given the amount of income you have to spend. Until that's in place, spending money (i.e. closing costs) to 'save' money is pretty pointless, IMO.