How to Kiss Your Fears Goodbye (Hint: It’s Not What You Think).

October 9, 2015

Ever have that feeling?

The one where it seems like your running in circles and getting nowhere fast? Or despite your best intentions and efforts, it feels like no matter what you do, you keep hitting that infamous invisible wall?

“What gives?” You might be thinking.

I mean you are truly ready to make a change in your life:

Ready to go after your dreams.
That promotion.
That new fitness regime.
That relationship you’ve been waiting for.

AND…..nada.

Your left in the lurch, waiting, anticipating the arrival of something spectacular and IT. NEVER. COMES.

Or so it would seem.

There’s only one thing is getting in your way darling and that is resistance.

Resistance comes in all shapes and sizes: perfectionism, excuses, frustration, blame. No matter what form of resistance you’re experiencing it all comes down to being fearful of what could happen if you actually listened to your heart and went after what you truly wanted.

You could actually be successful and that’s scary.
You could fail and that’s scary.
You might fall in love and that’s scary.
People might treat you differently (aka you may no longer fit in with your ‘tribe’) and that’s scary.
You have to step outside your comfort zone, life as you currently know and that’s scary.
You might have to give up Cheetos and that’s scary.

All of these unknown factors put our critter brain (aka the evolutionary part of brain responsible for our flight, fight, or freeze response) on high alert, slamming the brakes on our best intentions.

Over the past few years I cannot count the amount of times I have faced resistance despite how ready I was to go after my greatest aspirations. For the longest time I couldn’t figure out what was going on. I had finally figured out what I wanted to do with my life. I had more passion and drive than ever. I was ready to make a difference. And yet, I was going nowhere. Fast.

For me, resistance came in the form of needing to perfect everything that I did, which safely kept me from really putting myself out into the unknown. It came in the form of feeling physically tired, drained or sick when it was time for me to do a major task or make major step that would help me move forward. It came in the form of diverting my attention to cleaning my house or organizing my schedule.

Yes, my house may have been impeccable, I may have known what I was doing two weeks from next Monday, and I may have perfected the art of creating anything and everything that didn’t involve actually putting myself out there, but I wasn’t getting any closer to achieving my dreams.

It wasn’t until I had finally had enough, that I looked within to see what was actually going on and what I discovered astounded me.

Once I looked beyond the procrastination, the frustration, and the excuses, I saw what it was that I was really resisting: the possibility of more, of going beyond my comfort zone and into the world of the unknown.

It didn’t matter how pure my intentions were, nor how enthusiastic I was, my fear was frightened and was doing whatever it could not just to stop me, but to SAVE me.

Yup. That’s right. All those roadblocks and setbacks you experience, are thanks to the ‘critter’ part of your brain. It’s not there to harm you, make you unhappy or keep you from what you want. It’s simply doing it’s one and only job: to keep you alive.

But here’s the thing:

Though our fear mechanism stayed with us as we’ve evolved, it never got an upgrade. It didn’t get the memo that our lives aren’t in jeopardy like they were thousands of years ago. Or maybe it did and is now working overtime just to look important and stay employed.

The truth is, everything you want, desire and deserve to experience lives on the other side of resistance. Though your fear may be working in what it believes to be is in your best interest, it is incapable of understanding that you are not in harms way.

So you have to make a decision: listen to your fear or listen to your heart.

I choose my heart. I give thanks to my fears concerns and respectfully decline it’s opinion because it is my heart that speaks the truth. It knows me, what I am capable of and what I truly desire. Yes it takes a little faith, courage and drive, but I will take the outcome of following my heart over standing stagnant with fear. Any day.

So what can you do break those walls and push past resistance?

1) Recognize what your form of resistance is.

2) Listen to what it has to say. It has a message for you.

3) Acknowledge the concerns fear has. Learn everything resistance has to tell you about your endeavour. But then, like a parent soothing a child, lovingly tell it that everything is going to be OK. Better yet, come up with as many reasons WHY everything is going to be OK, no matter what. The more you invite fear in and hear it out, the more it looses its power over you.

By getting everything out on the table, you can see fear for what it is. By reflecting on how everything will be OK regardless of what happens, you transform fear into love and are free to proceed to follow your heart and dreams.

Whenever you feel resistance bubbling up, know that it’s actually coming from a loving place, but that you have the power to release it.