May 3, 2007 – CAREGIVER PUSH AND PULL

09/27/2009

I have spent a lot of time lately compiling local support group information via the Alzheimer’s Association in an effort to present it to my mom so she won’t have the excuse that she doesn’t know where to go nor the time to research it. I figure I’ll just give her the list of options and tell her to choose one, and then make her stick to it.

I realize that, no matter how dark the funk may be that I’m in, my mom must be going through something a thousand-times worse. But she won’t reach out. She won’t even really cry. I think that would make it too real. And she doesn’t want to appear weak. This way, she can stuff it all into a manageable filing system within her where she’s able to deal with it in her own original way when she’s ready. She’s definitely not an OMG-woe-is-me kind of person. She’s strong. Tough. Like she always said as a child, Don’t let ‘em see you cry.

But the danger is that she’s already a tough person and by getting tougher now to survive this, she WILL break down at some point. YOU HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF THE CAREGIVER. I’m working on getting this point through to her. I have to get through to her. I just can’t push her too much. And I can’t give her too much space for too long of a time. I have to time it just right. She can’t feel smothered. But I refuse to ever let her feel like she’s alone.