The Worst New Year’s Resolution Ever

Sad fact: the first full week of January is the peak time for married people to create a profile on websites allowing them to “hook up” with other married people who want to have an affair (can you think of a worse New Year’s resolution?!?). Perhaps the time they spent with their spouse in 2012 and over the holidays was stressful. Maybe there was heated conflict leading to angry, spiteful feelings, or they were once again disappointed in the lack of genuine connection and affection. Possibly they approached their spouse for sex and got turned down repeatedly. Maybe they are just bored. No matter what happens in marriage, an affair is never the answer—that much is clear.

But this sad fact does make me ask myself: “Did I make a concerted effort in 2012 to connect with my husband? Emotionally, spiritually, sexually? Was I fun to be married to? Did I enthusiastically join in recreational activities with my husband?”

Ask yourself the same questions. If your answer is “no,” then start making different choices today. Smile often at him, give him a hug, go hiking/fishing/golfing/to the game with him, laugh at his jokes, initiate sex with him often, and tell him how much you admire and believe in him.

If your answer is “yes, but he didn’t respond the way I wanted him to,” it’s time for an honest “state of our union” conversation. It may even be time for marriage counseling. Ignoring problems doesn’t make them go away; ignoring problems multiplies problems. Most couples, after identifying marriage problems, wait seven years before going to see a counselor. A lot of goodwill is lost and a lot of anger is built up during those seven years of delay. Yes, counseling can be expensive, but a marriage counselor is cheaper than a divorce attorney.

2013 could be the year you turn your marriage around. Will you make the effort?

Please join in the conversation below: What are you going to do differently in your marriage in 2013?