WHISPERS OF MY UTOPIA: I'M FASCINATED BY PEOPLE AND THEIR BEHAVIOURS

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Peter is a huge fan of my blog. In fact due to the amassed loyalty, I hear he is the self-appointed chairman of Andreaders in and outside of the country. It is that serious. He is one of those, when we run on each other always like, “by the way, was that storo true? The one you wrote about, last week.” If not, “Andrew, bana tumengonja sana, hujaandika kitu of late” (Andrew, we are getting impatient of your articles, its been awhile). Here he is now, on the spotlight. Pulled him over to the front line of Andreaders army and was like; dude, we can write about your twins and marriage life. He nodded yes sir. I sent him a questionnaire, which he gladly sent back armed with eagerness on how the article will turn out to be.

Dear Andreaders, here is the story of a dad and his twins.

I started off by asking Peter about the million dollar call that men from all walks of life fear most. Babe, I’m pregnant! If you want a man freeze to a statue, surprise him with something close to that statement. But that’s for the unmarried men. Nothing to worry for the married since in actual sense, they plan for this kind of responsibility so meticulously at least in most cases. And so for Peter, when his wife broke the news that she was pregnant, it didn’t turn out so much of a surprise. The surprise came through after, as you will shortly realise.

When your wife gets pregnant, of course as a man, one adjusts some routines and how we visualise life. It suddenly hits you, I will be a father soon, in a way more pronouncing than before she breaks the big news! And to Peter, how he adjusted is that he started helping on the household chores and dedicating all weekends and holidays to being with his wife. From the look of things, since they started courting, Peter, hadn’t seen the inside of his kitchen for god knows how long. And it goes without saying; when your wife gets pregnant, she automatically becomes the attention as the man staggers away to the rear of life.

Let’s talk about the first scan

“We hadn’t planned to do a scan but had to when she started feeling pains and discomfort in her lower abdomen. I immediately took her to the Sonographer early morning and we were given an appointment for 2 pm same day. I had to report to work so we agreed she would go see the Sonographer in the afternoon in the company of a good friend. She called me when she was queuing at the Sonographer’s room and I was just praying that all will turn out well. About 10 minutes later, she called. I was a bit worried this time because I didn’t know what to expect! She said “bae, imagine nimeambiwa niko na twins’’. I took a deep breath, woke up from my office seat and asked her, “what do you mean? Twins? How?’’ I thought she was kidding me! And she said, “yes, I wish you were here to listen to their heartbeats.’’ I drove to town immediately to meet her.”

I paused the question, did you expect twins?

“NO! All through, I never thought about twins! She didn’t have any history of twins from her family. Neither did my family have such a history expect for one case of two daughters for a cousin to my dad. So I would bet with my damn life that chances of getting twins were next to impossible, little did I know! Interestingly, my wife really love twins. We considered it an answered prayer.”

Top on the list on what men fear most, includes whether one will make a good dad. Whether they will make a balanced dad; funny, strict and responsible father, all at the same time. Or if they will turn out to be terrible fathers who will hardly bond with their kids; or will have kids come in the middle of their struggle with alcoholism or infidelity; or will deal with their teenage daughters as they slam doors and lock themselves in their rooms putting on earphones and leaving a resoundingly cold attitude placed on the bedroom door for dad to deal with.

Peter had this to say regarding being a father to girls.

“The best part about being a dad to girls is smashing stereotypes about perceptions regarding a cultured man. Moreover, I grew up in a family of boys only, hence this is a perfect opportunity that God has given me. I clean them whenever I get a chance, take them to doctor’s appointments and wake up in the middle of the night to attend to them. They have taught me to be soft and not so serious all the time besides making me do some silly character voices just to make them smile. More fascinating is that, they have taught me that cuddling before bedtime is mandatory for them to get a good sleep, otherwise we’ll have to deal with cries late at night. As a matter of fact, they’ve made me appreciate how important it is to be kind even when I don’t want to be. As they grow up, I want to instil in them that the sky is way below their limit. I will dare nurture them to responsible and highly independent girls who will wallow and glow with self-love and never bend over to mediocrity be it from men or the larger society.”

I have read and heard of weird pregnancy cravings and shiver to imagine what Kageshi will turn out to be in her gestation period. Will it include cravings for onions as I’m told some do and I hiding the table salt? Or will it be about strong desires for anything sour from milk to porridge? Or poor me, son of a peasant mother will be compelled to come with chocolates every evening if not rushing to my butcher Sir Kiogothe for some camel bones.

So, what was Peter’s experience with his wife’s bizarre cravings? He technically played safe with this particular query. Here is what he said; “none! I am happy that I didn’t have to wake up in the middle of the night to go buy her roasted meat.” Marriage is tricky. In most cases it is driven by what the couple prioritise; be it peace of mind, respect, faithfulness, compromise and commitment. To some, it’s driven by the number of holiday tours, cars and postings on social media on their every turn and blink. Funny enough, the latter batch never involve us when their relationship goes south, with the same gist they use in the other aspects of their lives. In the end, winners in marriage platform are those that realise money has zero shit and shouldn’t overrule rationality and chastity. So, has marriage changed some areas of Peter’s personality? “Not very much but I would say Fatherhood has changed me in that I’ve learnt to give and receive love unconditionally.” He points out.

I indulged him on what was going through their mind on the eve of the Cesarean operation. Could they touch the tension in the house when one kid didn’t kick as used to? Or could be that the fear of the operation hadn’t hit them as to whether it would turn out smooth or awful.

“I was nervous but still counting my blessings for having twins as firstborns and for a fairly smooth pregnancy journey for my wife.”

What colour were the maternity ward walls…Did the colours kindle hope or fear

“The walls were white with some beautiful wall hangings. The wall hangings played a great role in reducing my stress levels.”

Did the room have running machines or knifes or scissors or people in green attires (forgive me for asking some silly questions)…what’s there in

“No machines or knifes, just the bed, sofa, wardrobe, a table, bed-cot for the twins and a blood transfusion stand. Worthy to note is that we opted for a room in the private wing since we needed a more spacious place, conducive for recuperating and also for hosting me as well, as I wanted to partake in the process of supporting my wife by fully being available for her. ”

Was the environment around the ward pinch silent

“Sometimes silent and other times you’d hear cries from newborns in different wards. Additionally, the fact that the hospital was next to a river, we could hear monkeys chattering. Before the operation the doctor came in and asked her to get prepared for the operation. She got dressed in a green gown, prayed together and accompanied her down stairs to a room near the theatre. I helped the nurses lift her to a movable bed and pushed it to the theatre door where I kissed her forehead as she was received by another group of nurses in the theatre.”

How long was the Cesarean process

“About two hours. That was the longest wait of my life!”

What was going through his mind when the operation was taking place? Was he fidgeting or trying to read some of those decade old magazines strewn about on the waiting bay to no avail or was is it about seeking inspiration from the art evoking wall paintings?

“I was doing rounds round the hospital! I was tirelessly trying not to think that the life of my wife and kids were in the hands of the doctors. You know there is that fear of the unexpected. I thank God that the operation was successful!”

When you were called by the doctor to meet the kids for the first time, how was it

“I was excited that I was officially a father, but anxious at the same time to know their genders since the last scan hadn’t revealed the gender of one twin.”

What training did the nurses conduct to you regarding handling the babies

“I was trained how to bottle-feed them with baby formula, change nappies, bathe them including cleaning and sterilising their feeding items.”

Three months down the line, what have you learned of kids

“One is that you have to be very patient with kids, show them love and always learn to give, with no expectations of returns.”

And running a family

“It’s an honour and a privilege I don’t take for granted, having a loving family to go home to after a long day at work. I consider myself hugely blessed to work hard for people who motivate me in life. Nothing beats family!”

I hear you change diapers and clean the babies. How is the experience for you

“They say that fathers are disinterested in their babies especially when they become restless and stubborn. Well, having been there for my wife throughout the pregnancy journey up to delivery, I know the value of babies. Together with her, we bathe the twins one after the other, I also change their diapers and their clothes if they mess up.”

Tell me about the bond with your daughters…describe it

“We have a strong bond! The secret is simple, babies like attention. I maximise on the opportunity when I’m feeding them, changing their diapers or dressing them. I try mumbling and focusing on them. I make silly faces and smiles until they smile back. In essence I communicate with them.”

Is it true daughters are close to their dads…is it something you’ve noted?

“It’s too early for me to tell, but at least when I get hold of them, they somehow stop crying. This means they recognise their dad.”

What type of a daddy are you? Can you carry your kids in public places; church or malls? By the way, I once saw a man carrying his daughter in church using a baby carrier bag and couldn’t help admire his boldness. He literally stole the show from the passii at the podium. You could see the faces from ladies trying to make those aaaawwwww moments.

“Yes! In fact, for most Sunday afternoons we normally take a walk around town as we do our shopping.”

How do you balance marriage and your boys’ relationships

“Dividing that precious time amongst family and friends is not easy! It takes an extra effort on my part and that’s of my friends to keep the friendship rolling on and my marriage working.”

Do you drink less or more and why; Time constraints or a decision you have made

“I drink less. Main reason being that I want to spend more time with my family. Before marriage, I would only drink over the weekends. It has always been my policy that I don’t drink if I am working the next day.”

What’s your experience with house girls so far

“Finding a good and reliable house help is difficult since it takes a lot when it comes to raising multiples but we thank God so far we have had a lot of help from family relatives and friends.”

I hear you do cycling with your boys over the weekends. Tell me more

“I joined the cycling club early last year. It’s a club of well-organized chaps. Some of the club members represent the country in International races. We cycle to interesting places like Mt Kenya forest and Ol Pejeta Conservancy. Cycling is quickly gaining a booming reputation. When I joined the club, there were about 10 members and by close of 2016, we were about 20 dedicated members. However, I decided to go slow on cycling over weekends to dedicate that time for family.”

You are such a Subaru lover and columnist Njoki Chege would detest you for that. Tell me about it

“My favourite Subaru is a Forester SG9. It’s an all-wheel drive Station Wagon with a 2.5litre turbocharged engine. 6-speed manual transmission. Manufacturers of Subarus have mastered the art of making Subaru owners very proud! I don’t drive a Subaru but I know one day I will be able to afford one. You know I like driving behind or next to Subaru’s! Those things are pretty cool!”

Your final remarks

“Being a dad is one of the most fulfilling titles a man can ever have but it takes a lot more than just being a breadwinner. There is a lot of sacrifice involved like time invested for family which comes at a cost of losing a few if not many friends, foregoing some of the things one used to do priory and working extra hard for one’s family to have the most decent upbringing. Of importance too is that, there is a lot of learning needed so that one can be part of each and every milestone in his family uptake. It takes a lot of love too, to run a family successfully!”

Are you a young person, with a compelling story that you strongly believe should be retold to a larger audience for the sole purpose of inspiring and educating. Reach up to me on wandrewism@gmail.com