(Closed) Lost a bridesmaid and my best friend

Bees, I’m extremely upset about something that is going on with one of my bridesmaids, who also was my best friend…so I thought.

A little background to begin. I moved to a new town about three and a half years ago and met my friend “A” about two years ago. We immediately hit it off and were very, very close. We live in a small town and were nearly inseparable. We had the type of friendship that everyone expected to see us together and when we weren’t, they always asked about the other, etc. Well, her and her boyfriend decided to move back to where they are from around the middle of July. She had some pretty major emergency surgery about a week before they left and I was by her side the entire time. Even as her boyfriend took off out of town on the night of the surgery. She had to miss a lot of work that she was planning on right before the move and I knew that with them moving, she was short on cash. My bachelorette weekend was planned for the last weekend and July and she indicated that she would be there over and over and over. She was supposed to be riding with another friend and at 8:30 on the Friday of my bach, after everyone else was already in Vegas, she calls to tell me the girl she was riding with couldn’t come and she doesn’t have a ride to Vegas anymore, can’t afford a plane ticket, etc. I was super upset b/c she was the person I wanted there the most, but, I shook it off, had a fun weekend, and chalked it up to the moving/finances/surgery/etc. Who was I to be mad with all that she had going on? I put it behind me and just started looking forward to seeing her at the wedding. We are getting married in Mississippi and she lives in CA but, she had two flight vouchers and already booked her tickets for the wedding in July since they were free for her. So, I knew she would be there.

Fast forward to two weeks ago. My bridesmaids are all selecting their own dresses but in the same color. I have been asking “A” about her dress, when she was going to get it, etc. She always had an excuse as to why she hadn’t been but would assure me that she was going the next day, after work, etc. I spoke with her two weeks ago in length on the phone and everything was fine. She sounded great and we talked for a while. During last week I sent her a few short texts (we usually text ALL the time) some asking about the dress but never got any response. I called her twice just wanting to chat and she never returned my calls. Then, on Thursday night I finally sent a text saying, hey, what is going on? Are you still planning on coming to the wedding? I haven’t heard anything and it seems like you haven’t had much time or interest in finding your dress. I got no response from her. I texted her on Saturday and said “A”, I need to know what is going on, I have reservations to make, bridal luncheon, programs to make, seating charts, etc. please call or text. I still heard nothing. I finally texted her and said your lack of response lets me know that you aren’t coming.

This is completely unlike her. We talk almost every day. We haven’t had a fight or anything. But…she has a history of blowing things off for something better that comes along be it work (she is a promotional model so work isn’t steady) or a party, etc. I’m so upset that the girl who was my best friend can’t even call or text me but I know she is okay b/c she is posting pictures on facebook and on instagram. I haven’t contacted her since Sunday and I don’t think I will at this point. She isn’t good at confrontation and all I can think is she just didn’t have the nerve to tell me she wasn’t going to come? I don’t know. What would y’all do? Would you just let it go and not worry with it? Do I try to contact her again? I asked my fiance and he didn’t want to hear anything about it b/c he can’t stand drama, etc. I just don’t understand how you stop talking to someone practically overnight who is supposed to be your best friend.

I would not contact her right now. Maybe she is trying to sort some personal things out and the wedding is overwhelming her a bit? However, if you are setting deadlines that she cannot reach then I would not have her in the wedding anymore. Say you do contact her and you guys talk again. What if she does this week before the wedding? You really don’t need the stress. Your wedding is super close. I would say let her go as a brdiesmaid. Deal with the friendship side of things after the wedding.

Wow thats messed up. I dont even know what to say because she already has the tickets/flight booked this is very strange. I would try and contact her again personally and just say either way you need to know and let her know that if she’s afraid to tell you shes not coming that its okay (even though it wouldnt be okay with me) but at least you might get a response if you tell her you wont be upset, because she might be avoiding you because shes scared youll flip out. Maybe if yousay something like “I know youve been through/going through a lot and if you cant make it I understand but can you contact me Im worried about you” I dont know what else to suggest but once you have contact from her you can talk about how you really feel.

Hmmm…. I wonder if she is embarassed that she can’t afford to come and is either A) trying to avoid the situation or B) is in limbo with finances and is waiting until she knows for sure if she can come or not. Either way though, I do think she needs to talk to you and let you know what’s up and it’s odd she hasn’t. I would give her a few more days before trying to contact her again and then call her and make dinner/lunch/drink plans (don’t mention the wedding at all). Maybe something is going on in her life that you don’t know about. Just because she’s posting pictures to stuff doesn’t mean everything is peachy keen. I wouldn’t write her off quite yet.

@megz06: @That’s is kind of what I am thinking. If I heard from her today, I would definitely want her there. But, the longer it drags out, I’m not so sure. I was closer to her than any of my other bridesmaids but, thankfully I didn’t make her my MOH b/c my younger sister will be. I can’t imagine losing the friendship but…what kind of friendship is it at this point?

@LauraRose: I did mention in one of the texts on Sunday that I wasn’t upset with her, just truly need to know so that I can finalize the last details. Apparently it didn’t make any impact, yet. IF I contact her again before wedding (big IF) I might just say that I’m concerned, etc. Thanks for the advice!

I’m so sorry but I am sort of going through the same thing and like begging pleading with my BFF to attend the events that IIIIII want… she said she wouldn’t be able to afford vegas so I moved my bachelorette closer to home – I asked her to plan it now that its closer and she said she didn’t know what IIIII would want so I had to plan it again, she can’t afford the dress so I’m paying for hers and hoping to make the money back with a resell on eBay, she can’t afford get her hair done ($) so she’s going to DIY it and I’m praying it comes out well… its just going on and on and I wonder if all this time she’s been trying to bow out gracefully by blaming finances and I’m holding onto her for dear life… next straw is the last one and I’ll just let her go…

Its up to you want you want to do but if it were me, I’d want SOME KIND of response instead of feeling like you’re harrassing her… (you’re not, you’re being reasonable but she might feel like you are badgering her… cuz she’s non-confrontational)

What I would do is contact her on FB via message cuz that’s obviously the mode of communication that she’s using with the free world and SHOULD include yourself…

If I were you, and she didn’t responde to a private message, I’d be kinda snarky at this point and probably start commenting on the photos she’s posting on instagram with “oh if you can do this, can you please call me back?” something to that effect…

all in all she’s probably embarrassed/feels guilty about not being able to afford it…

BOTTOMLINE: for your sanity, she needs to be honest with you and vice versa.

@RunsWithBears: I know how she has been in the past and I think maybe she was going to wait until the last minute to decide to come based on finances, work, etc. That’s fine…if you are a wedding guest, not a bridesmaid. She knew that I planned on her basically being my MOH but didn’t give her the title because of my sister. I wish it were so easy that I could just call her for lunch, etc. but she moved 6 hours away from me. Otherwise, I’d just walk into where she worked like always and say, wtf is going on? lol. Oh well 🙁

@KimmySumShuga: The posting on FB and Instagram is what makes me even more upset. Like, you have time to do those things but you can’t even send me a text saying No, I won’t be there, etc. I’m not even asking for an explanation or anything at this point, I just want a yes or no. Now, with her out of the picture, I have 6 groomsment and 5 bridesmaids. Things are just off and it could have all been avoided if she would have just been honest. My FI just added the 6th groomsman a few weeks ago and it was kind of a stretch for him. We will figure it out but…that’s just one of many things. I have seen her be pretty dramatic with other people for no reason and I just won’t contact her anymore at this point. We have never fought about anything and I’m not going to start it now. When I go to sleep at night, I know I didn’t do anything wrong and I don’t see how she could do/feel the same way.