My story of dealing with my botched infant circumcision and chronic pain at the age of 21, and how the experience changed me. I hope that this blog can serve as a resource for others in my predicament.

Disclaimer:

Do not consider the contents of this blog as professional medical advice.

24 January 2014: Foreskin Restoration Before and After; The End(?)

It has been a long time since I have last posted.

More precisely, it has been 1 year, 9 months, and 24 days since I have last posted.

I've never been one to be content with leaving a project unfinished, so I suppose it is only fitting for me to put the final chapter of this tale in its place, and let the chips fall where they may.

Since that last post from 1 year, 9 months, and 24 days ago, much has happened in my life.

In a previous post, I mentioned that the new surgical scars felt discomfort when I got erections. I hypothesized that the tightness of the skin on my penis during erections, and the stress on the new scars were responsible for the pins-and-needles sensations during erections. I mentioned that I might try the process of foreskin restoration, at least partially, to try to get enough slack skin to remove the stress on these scars, and maybe even cover them up entirely.

Though I never overtly mentioned it on this blog before, in late December of 2011, I ordered a foreskin restoration device. It arrived early in January of 2012. Later in the month, when I was sure that the surgical wounds were healed and would not reopen, I began the long process of growing slack skin on my penile shaft.

I've been doing that now covertly, up until today. It has been 2 years and 2 days since I have started the process, and it has been going well.

Since I began, the changes that I saw in my penis have been gradual, but remarkable. Dark scars that I thought would be with me forever have faded significantly, nearly disappearing entirely. The glans of my penis no longer has the texture of the back of my hand with tiny raised bumps like a cat's tongue. Instead, the glans now has a surface that resembles the inside of my cheek--smooth, moist, and shiny.

The surgical scars themselves have faded significantly, and are no longer visible unless I retract my newly regrown foreskin (or should I say "faux-skin?"), and look hard for them. It is to the point, now, that whenever I go to the bathroom or disrobe for any reason, I no longer look down and am reminded by the scars of what happened, and what I have been through.

My penis after 2 years and 2 days of foreskin restoration.

My erections have been totally pain-free for more than a year, now. There are no aches or sharp needle-like pain, and the scars from surgery give me no more discomfort. My long and arduous quest to free myself from painful erections is now complete.

That being said, the cosmetic benefits are not all that I have gained from this process.

Prior to the erection pain beginning so many years ago, I remember what ejaculation felt like. It was something that I certainly enjoyed, but was by no means phenomenal. The first time I ever tried masturbating a couple of months after surgery, I remember so many feelings going through my head. I was very anxious and afraid. I wondered if masturbation would even work for me anymore.

It did end up working, but it was disappointing. It ended with me looking down at my private parts and pulling my hands away because the glans stung (which was what it had been like in the past). I felt underwhelmed and practically bored by the whole experience. I ejaculated and it felt OK, but it was disappointing. I felt a pleasant contraction in my groin, and semen came out of my penis, but that was really all I got out of the experience.

I breathed a sigh of relief outwardly, that things were still working for me, but inwardly, I was disappointed. I almost ended up saying aloud to myself "Now what," or "That's it?"

It was sometime after that experience that I began the process of foreskin restoration.

In about 8 months, I began to notice a difference in the way masturbation pleasure felt. Around that time, I no longer touched my glans with my bare hand, but rather with what foreskin I had restored. The inside of my new foreskin was now what remains of my formerly-inner-but-now-inner-once-more preputial mucosa. I was masturbating by only manipulating the new loose skin back and forth over the glans and shaft of my penis.

The first time I tried that, the orgasm was a first among many.

Literally.

I think that was the first time I ever actually experienced an orgasm.

A real one.

I remember what masturbation was like before the erection pain started. It was similar to my first session after surgery--a lot of work for an underwhelming result. I mean, don't get me wrong, it did feel good in my penis, but it felt like too little reward for the work I had to put into the process.

Fast forward to that first time I masturbated by moving my newly regrown simulacra of a foreskin up and down. Something was fundamentally different, and I could feel it from the very moment I started. If I had to describe the way in which it was different, masturbation no longer felt like a chore or a task, but rather a journey, with the destination being somewhere you actually wanted to be.

I don't know how long I went, but I knew that for the first time, I genuinely enjoyed every bit of it from start to finish.

By the time I was nearing climax, my body was acting in ways I had never experienced before. My heart was pounding, and my chest felt tight like I had a catch in my throat. My legs were shaking, and I was lightly perspiring. My toes and feet were contracting and moving on their own. My penis was producing a clear, lubricating fluid in quantities that I never even considered humanly possible.

Then, it happened.

Merely saying "I orgasmed" does not give the sensations their due justice. With my entire body shaking, I climaxed for what I truly believe to be the first time in my entire life. It was if every single neuron in my entire body was firing simultaneously--from the very apex of my scalp to the soles of my feet. It was as if the pleasant-but-underwhelming sensations that I felt in my penis during the past 8 months of masturbation had been multiplied by a factor of at least 20, and instead of feeling these only in my penis, I felt them all over my body at the same time for a period of no fewer than 30 seconds. Additionally the stinging that I used to feel in the glans after every time I masturbated was absent, and never came back.

I no longer just ejaculated; I climaxed with my entire body

After that novel experience, my face and palms were tingling and my hands and thighs felt almost numb. I lay back in my bed in the dark, panting, and felt an intense sensation of relaxation, warmth, and satisfaction all over my body.

I had never in my entire life ever experienced anything like that before. Ever.

At that point, I will admit that I did cry a little bit, but not out of sadness. I cried because of the erection pain being gone. I cried because I felt like everything difficult I had ever lived through concerning my penis was done with and behind me. I cried because, for me, this was a new first. I cried because I felt relieved.

I cried because I felt like it.

To be honest, I think that was the first time I ever actually had a real orgasm. At 22 years of age, it seems impossible for me to be discovering something so marvelous about my body at such a late age, but nonetheless, that was my genuine experience.

Although I can only guess, I think that what I was experiencing before was "just ejaculation." It felt good for my penis, but only my penis. It felt good, but it kind of left me disappointed. That "real" orgasm, that very first one, was fundamentally different from anything I had ever felt previously in my entire life.

From that point on, I only masturbated by moving my growing proto-prepuce back and forth over my entire penis, and felt the novel new pleasure each and every time, with the intensity gradually increasing as I progressed with my restoration.

I don't have a scientific explanation of why things changed for me once I tried to start restoring my foreskin. It did not and still does not make any sense to me. It's damned near unscientific for the change to happen at all, and as a man of science, there could not be a word more insulting than "unscientific."

I know that the normal human foreskin contains thousands of touch receptors, and that nerves cannot regrow, in human physiology. What I was experiencing was not the result of more nerve bandwidth to my penis and new foreskin, as such is (as we currently know) medically impossible to occur spontaneously.

My only working theory is that rubbing tissues that were supposed to be the inside of my foreskin against the glans, and stimulating the glans with what remained of my inner foreskin somehow ended up producing the resulting new sensations--that somehow, I changed the very mechanics of my penis works from merely a stick with skin tightly wrapped around it to a machine made of flesh with moving parts and a newly regained pistoning action.

I suspect that the texture changes in my glans, from being covered and moist all the time, in conjunction with the changing texture of my inner mucosa, and the change in mechanics of masturbation now involving rubbing these two surfaces against each other for pleasure, may all be partially responsible for these new changes I have been feeling.

It's kind of like when you fall asleep with your mouth open, and your tongue is dry and has the texture of sandpaper. You can't really taste anything, or feel the inside of your mouth with your tongue again until it is moist and has lost its sandpapery texture.

Now imagine that drastic sensation change in your genitals instead of your mouth, and I think you might have the right idea.

Apart from that, I finally did take it upon myself to seek out a counselor, to talk about everything I had been through, and everything I had been feeling, from early childhood to surgery and beyond. It was a rewarding experience. I suppose that from the very beginning, all I really wanted was for someone to try to understand and validate my feelings with no conditions, and that was precisely what I got.

For all intents and purposes, my story here is over, though I still have a long time ahead of me, yet. I may continue restoring a bit longer, just to make sure my penis can stay covered on its own in my underwear 100% of the time, from now on.

Maybe I'll go longer. Who knows? Perhaps I'll go for years and years, until I have enough foreskin to jump rope with. Who can say?

But now, with all things said that needed to be said, and with this chapter in my life at a close, I thank you for reading, and hope that however you stumbled across this tale, that you found what you were looking for.

Though my tale here is at an end, and I'm leaving this blog behind, putting "The END" at the end of this post seems a bit misleading, because I've got my whole life, yet, ahead of me.