https://awesomelifeclub.com
Wed, 29 Nov 2017 16:16:52 +0000en-UShourly1https://awesomelifeclub.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/cropped-Untitled-design-35-32x32.pnghttps://awesomelifeclub.com
3232How to make friends as an adulthttps://awesomelifeclub.com/how-to-make-friends-as-an-adult/
Thu, 09 Nov 2017 17:04:03 +0000https://awesomelifeclub.com/?p=4039Remember when you were a kid and you could walk up to someone and ask if they wanted to play and that’s it. From that point on, you were friends for life. Have you ever tried that as an adult? How to make friends as an adult often involves more strategy. There are a few more […]

Remember when you were a kid and you could walk up to someone and ask if they wanted to play and that’s it. From that point on, you were friends for life.Have you ever tried that as an adult? How to make friends as an adult often involves more strategy. There are a few more things to consider besides whether or not your potential friend likes peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. And sometimes, making friends as an adult is tough.

Add to this the transitions we go through as we age. We go from being singled to married, then we might have children, and perhaps divorce. Different jobs. Different houses. Different countries for some. In each one of those situations the group of friends you have around you may or may not be able to relate. And sometimes you might find yourself struggling, wishing you had another adult like you around to connect with. If you’ve been challenges with how to make friends as an adult this article contains tangible tips you can take immediately to increase your social circle.

Why having great friends is critical

Having a core group of friends around you is essential to your survival and your fulfillment levels in life. It’s been scientifically proven (from multiple studies) that having positive friendships is linked to more joy and, it extends your longevity.

It’s important to consider the types of people you bring into your life. You need people who understand you, who you have fun with, who remind you of what is great about life or help you let go of what is not. You also need friends who challenge you, who will help you grow. It’s critical to have friends that help you consider a different way of thinking about the circumstances you find yourself in.

We all need different people at different times and we need to be those friends for other people too. This might be the perfect moment for you to take stock of the friendships you have in your life? Do you have people around that you have fun with or that make you think or that challenge you?

How to make friends as an adult – The process of friend hunting

Have you considered what is most important in a social circle at this moment in your life? It may seem an odd thing to think about but it’s important to consider. Proximity equals power and who you spend your time will either have you excel, feel fulfilled and get closer to achieving your dreams or stagnate.

Making friends as an adult can be a little bit like looking for a new job. I say this not just because it can be time consuming and we may have to push ourselves out of our comfort zones but also because most of us no longer want just a job. We want to work for an organization that values us, treats us well, has a positive environment, shares similar interests and core values. You might feel the same for the friends that you surround yourself with.

Motivational speaker Jim Rohn famously said that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. We are greatly influenced by people around us. Our friends have the ability to affect our thinking, our self esteem, our decisions. They can either be positive, supportive influences who help us to be more successful in our life. Or, they can be a negative influence that holds us back from seeking or achieving our true potential.

If you are reading this you’re likely looking to surround yourself with extraordinary people. You’re looking for people who will help you be more, do more and achieve more in your life.

So just as if you were searching for your dream job, take a moment now to consider: What’s most important to you right now? Are you looking to have more fun in life? Are you looking for others who are business minded? Do you want friends who are more active? How much time are you willing to invest? Do you want an occasional friend? Maybe they don’t need to live in the same country or city as you.

Take the time to think through the type of friends you are looking for. Write it down the qualities and criteria. This will help give you clarity.

Strategize and prep

When you look for a job, naturally you’ll narrow down the industry and the type of company you want to work for as you begin applying and preparing for interviews. You’ll want to do the same with the people you meet. Consider where you should go to meet the types of people you want to be friends with. Then go there and connect with people. It’s okay to secretly “prospect” in your mind. It’s kind of like the interview process during the job hunt.

If you are a curious person, there is nothing better than an entire hour of time dedicated to asking as many questions as you want. If you hate this phase then you need to prepare for it. Do your research and have a game plan so you can make the best possible first impressions with people when you’re out socially.

This may be completely out of your comfort zone but the more often you try to put yourself out there the more competent you will become. The more comfortable and competent you are doing it the more confident you will be in continuing to do it. The first time is always the hardest.

If this is a major struggle for you, picture what your life will be like if you don’t bother trying. Will you feel better or worse about yourself? Amplify your current situation into the future. What does it look like? Will you be lonely if you don’t make a change? Step up, push yourself, and remind yourself of what life will look like without interesting relationships when you feel uncomfortable.

First round, second round…maybe more?

When you know the type of friend you want to find, it’s time to get into action. Let’s use an example of wanting to surround yourself with friends who are more physically fit.

You may choose to look up “meetup groups” in your area, searching specifically on the activity you enjoy most. This is an easy way to find a large group of people doing something you like. You may choose to join a sports team, or maybe you want to volunteer with a big event in your community. Maybe you have a neighbor who is fit that you can connect with? Search out the group, event or situation. It should be something that you are comfortable with and committed to attending.

What tends to be the most challenging part of making new friends is the initial connect. When you arrive at the event or find yourself in a new social situation, remind yourself of your intentions. Make an effort to meet each person, be genuinely interested in his or her current pursuits, come prepared with general questions in case you can’t think of anything to say. Be curious and open to each person. You may meet one or two people that you really connect with. See if they are open to hanging out again whether it is another similar event or something different.

Just like an interview when you meet them the second and 3rd time they may not be as good a fit as they seemed the first time. It’s important to give the relationship some time and energy.Just like interviews the first couple times may not work out.

Recently, I moved to a new city I went to skiing meet ups, wine nights, running events, I volunteered, it took me quite a while to find genuine friends I really enjoyed being around. Persistence and patience with the process is important. Keep putting yourself out there you might be surprised where and when you meet a great friend along the way.

Proximity is power – Taking it to the next level

Now if you are like Kay and I, you don’t want any old friend you want a friend who is going to elevate your game. Both of us were eager to meet a tribe of people who were similar to us in our interests to pursue our dreams. Which meant in order to meet people who were like us we had to put ourselves in a position where we ourselves were leveling up.

We put ourselves out there, taking as many courses as we could, programs, events. You name it, both of us have been there! So initiative and find events, online courses, webinars anything that is interesting to you. Go to events, network, connect with people. Get on to facebook pages and see whose thought process really aligns with your own. Follow up with people when you say you will, show up as your true and authentic self. When you are completely genuine in your approach, you reach out with kindness and sincerity you will meet people who are also the same.

Making new friends can take time, persistence and patience. Finding the right group of people to surround yourself with is well worth the time invested.

]]>How to love yourselfhttps://awesomelifeclub.com/how-to-love-yourself/
Thu, 26 Oct 2017 14:34:16 +0000https://awesomelifeclub.com/?p=4028I used to wonder if it would ever be possible for me to love myself. In my early twenties I saw this as a place I would never be able to get to. Now, I chuckle as I am reminded of that time. This idea, this struggle of not being able to love myself, I […]

]]>I used to wonder if it would ever be possible for me to love myself. In my early twenties I saw this as a place I would never be able to get to. Now, I chuckle as I am reminded of that time. This idea, this struggle of not being able to love myself, I remember it vividly though it’s inconceivable to me now. I’ve done a ton of work on my relationship with myself. A decades worth. It’s ongoing, in fact. And in this post I’ll share some nuggets I’ve learned for anyone who is struggling with how to love yourself.

How to love yourself

Loving yourself is not some place to get to, you can flip that switch today. At this very moment. That might tick you off and some of you reading this might want to kick me for saying this (but I’ll tell you how below): Loving yourself is a decision.

It’s a decision you alone can make. It’s a decision you don’t just make once but constantly. Today. Tomorrow. Forever.

This is really hard idea to understand, especially when you’re struggling with how to love yourself. So how do you flip the switch?

The first step to a better relationship with you…

Well, first you have to accept the struggle you’re in. Stop asking yourself “why can’t I love myself?” and stop getting caught up in the WHY of it all. Just accept that at this moment, right now, you don’t love yourself.

It’s easy for you to get caught up in trying to figure out why you don’t love yourself and how to get there. But this thinking will only lead you in circles and keep you stuck. So first stop asking why. It’s time to start asking yourself new questions. And commit this to memory: The quality of the questions you ask yourself is equal to the quality of the life you live.

If you ask yourself questions like “why can’t I love myself?” you’ll search for answers. The reason you come up with will only validate the struggle. It will stop you from changing the way you think and feel and how you treat yourself in future. So notice the why questions that you’re asking yourself that are negative and don’t work. Now, fill that space with a new question, like….

How can I learn to love myself?

How can I be kind to myself today?

What can I do – one simple action today – to change the way I feel about myself?

What qualities do I love and appreciate about myself?

These are better questions and they’ll help you to shift how you feel. And remember, you have to be willing to let the love in. Start small. Think of one quality you love about yourself and let that be your focus.

When you internally ask why questions, most of the time you’ll stay caught up in the past. That’ll never serve you to move forward. The why doesn’t matter. The what’s next does.

The only one who suffers from not loving yourself is you. And this negativity will permeate into all areas of your life and all the choices you make. You’ll choose partners that aren’t good for you or don’t treat you well. Your career will reflect the worth you give yourself and that will expand into the areas of finance and your lifestyle. It’s all connected.

Accept the way you feel and give yourself a moment to feel it

When you’re in a space of struggling and wondering how to love yourself. The best thing to do is stop everything and go be by yourself somewhere. Get quiet. Feel how you feel. Give yourself five or ten minutes to feel the negative emotions you have for yourself. If you’re mad about something you did in the past, allow yourself to feel the anger you have for yourself. If you hate you’re body, allow yourself a few moment to feel really sad, frustrated about your body.

Emotions are like the knots of tension you can get in your physical body. When you put pressure on a muscle from physically working it, the build up of lactic acid will cause an uncomfortable knot to occur. To release the knot you have to put pressure on it. You have to push into the knot for the tension to release. It’s the same with emotions. Feel them. Don’t suppress or avoid them, you have to feel them and then they dissolve. Your negative thoughts will literally weaken and dissolve.

So, right now, if you’re reading this and you’re feeling negatively towards yourself, take a moment to close your eyes. Take yourself back to a moment that triggers your feelings and allow yourself to feel them. It’s surprisingly a very calming and therapeutic experience to go through.

Fill the space with something positive, something new

After you feel and release the emotional tension, think of one thing you’re grateful for. Something simple. It could be your heart, a tree outside, the home you live in, or a person you love. Feel how grateful you are.

Then, when you’re feeling positive, think of one wonderful trait about yourself or a great thing you’ve accomplished in your life. Follow this with scheduling one nice thing you could do for yourself today. One small action that would help you to feel good about yourself.

Make this a ritual

Loving yourself involves training. If you’ve spent years having negative thoughts about yourself, it’s going to take a while for your relationship with you to change. So anytime you feel mad, sad, frustrated, angry at yourself or about yourself, stop and allow yourself to feel your negative emotions. Follow this with a thought of gratitude and recognize something great about yourself. Then, take one action that day to love yourself. Consider this your new regular – perhaps daily – ritual.

Any mindset shift requires emotional leverage

Even though you want to change, you’ll continue to be and think negatively about yourself until you get the impacts it’s causing on your life and behavior. If you really want to make a shift, if you really want to start loving yourself more, you need to really get what you’ve been missing out on by allowing yourself to think this way about yourself.

The best way to do this, is to take some time to write out a list of the all the impacts of you thinking this way. What are the impacts on you and your life? If you don’t love yourself, what are the impacts on other people? What are the impacts in your relationships? What are the global impacts? Seriously, what are the impacts on the world.

Whether you believe that there are impacts on the world at large, there are. Every person on this planet has a gift to give. Are you contributing your gifts? Are you making a difference? Are you leaving this world better than the one you came into?

Hating yourself is like a doubled-edged sword. Whatever you think internally expresses itself externally. If you don’t love yourself it’ll be all over your life and the results you can produce.

You really want to get this. Getting the impacts will help you realize that you have to put in the effort to change. When you get the impacts the choice to love yourself becomes easy and critical.

What to do when you really can’t think anything positive about yourself

Find someone to hold you bigger than you hold yourself. Find someone to love you. Find someone to treat you well. A sibling. A friend. A parent. A relative. A colleague. A coach. A therapist. Find someone who will hold you to your greatness. Find someone to love and acknowledge you and who will tell you your great.

Then, it’s your job to listen.

And it’ll probably take you a long time to let the love in. But just keep trying.

I know this from experience. In my early twenties, I am grateful to have had a mentor that took me under his wing. He said to me: “you’re a beautiful gift to the world”. Every time he said it, it felt ridiculous to me. It felt wrong. I didn’t believe it. But the more he told this too me, the more I start to let this idea come into my own head.

Overtime, things shifted and I started to care more for myself. I started to treat myself kindly. I started to see how my negative chatter didn’t work. We all need other people to see us bigger than we see ourselves. Sometimes we need it more.

So find someone to hold you big until you can hold yourself.

One thing you can do today to start loving yourself more today…

Set a timer on your mobile device or computer. When it goes off acknowledge one great thing about yourself. Pat yourself on the back daily for something good you’ve done or a trait you love about yourself. Remind yourself to do this, until it becomes natural.

And don’t forget…loving yourself is a double edged sword. Put the love in and it’ll flow out. Your life will expand from simply loving yourself a little more each day.

]]>How do get motivated when you need to do something you don’t wanthttps://awesomelifeclub.com/get-motivated-need-something-dont-want/
Fri, 20 Oct 2017 17:43:58 +0000https://awesomelifeclub.com/?p=4120Motivation: How do I regain my motivation to exercise?

]]>I quit my job, built a business and never looked back – How you can toohttps://awesomelifeclub.com/i-quit-my-job-built-a-business-and-never-looked-back-how-you-can-too/
Wed, 04 Oct 2017 19:57:08 +0000https://awesomelifeclub.com/?p=3728The day I quit the last job I ever worked was, in hindsight, one of the best days of my life. I didn’t know it at the time but now having worked from home and for myself for 4 years I can tell you there is no way I’ll work for another company again. You […]

]]>The day I quit the last job I ever worked was, in hindsight, one of the best days of my life. I didn’t know it at the time but now having worked from home and for myself for 4 years I can tell you there is no way I’ll work for another company again. You can’t put a price on the freedom, balance and self expression that comes from creating and running your own business. It’s been tough. Becoming a entrepreneur and moving from a worker where someone tells you what to do to having to drive an enterprise you built requires a total mindset shift. It’s not easy but it’s worth it. Learn how I quit my job, built a business and never looked back and how you can too…

Should i quit? Is the entrepreneurship calling you?

I’ve always been a creator from a very young age. Always been spouting ideas and solving problems. But it took me years to get that what I believe now, that I was meant to be an entrepreneur.

I went to college, graduated and got a corporate job like most people do. I never knew entrepreneurship was an option. Though looking back, for as long as I can remember, I had what I’d call the entrepreneurial “itch”. Maybe you’ve been feeling the same? Here’s how I felt…

When I worked for other people I would think: “you should be doing x,y,z this way”. I would get frustrated because the CEOs weren’t doing what I saw was best for the company.I always believed I had a better vision for what the company needed. I had a hard time just doing my job. I wanted to steer the ship. I hated to be controlled. I hated that I didn’t own my time. I hated that no matter how hard I worked their was a ceiling on what I was able to make financially.

Does this sound familiar? Do you hear your inner business leader self crying out while you work a 9-5 job every day?

These types of thoughts are often the first hints that building and launching your own business is what the authentic you wants and would lead to a life of more fulfillment. I truly believe that some people are better matched to be creating and running companies than working for other people. On the flip, some people are happier working without the headache of running a business. Where do you think you fall? Have you been wondering what it would be like to run your own operation? Is it time to quit your job?

What you need to know about shifting from working for a company to running your own operation – Things to consider before you say “I quit”

As an entrepreneur, your professional success rests on you

When you run your own business you control everything. This is both good and bad. When your business goes through ebbs and flows you will feel it. When you’re making tons of money you’ll be excited. You’ll feel good, you’ll be dreaming of more dollar signs. Then there are times when business isn’t booming though you’re working your tail off.

As an entrepreneur, you’ve gotta prepare for this. You have to have to techniques and tools to keep yourself in a good state of mind, a good mood. You have to be willing to eat cans of tuna sometimes as you wait for the next check to come in. Sometimes you may even have to take an odd job here or there to make some extra cash.

Many people quit their jobs and think they are going to build their first business and have it be a success in a year. This was certainly what I believed when I began and it didn’t happen. It might but more often it takes time. Make sure you have the financial ability to leave your job and start a business before you do this. You don’t want to end up with financial stress. It will ruin your ability to think strategically and create for your business.

This is why it’s incredibly important that you LOVE the business you’re building. This will keep you going when times get tough. Don’t start a business you aren’t passionate about.

You may feel lost, alone confused and totally nuts at times

Building a business requires a leadership mindset. There’s no waiting around for someone else to give you an assignment, a work project or tell you what to do. You have to come up with that yourself. In the beginning this may scare the crap out of you. You may find yourself feeling lost and thinking “am I doing what I should be?”.

Building a business can feel kind of like throwing darts at a dartboard in a dark room. There are times where you’ll be confident as to where the board is and that you’re going to hit the bullseye. Other times you’ll be throwing darts and thinking “what the heck am I doing? How was this ever a good idea?”

Working from home can be an adjustment

If you’re making a move from working in an office to working from home, in the beginning it can be a tough transition. You may go from loving that you can work in your pjs and that you don’t have to sit in traffic to hating the lack of human contact. It’s different for everyone. If your work fulfilled part of your needs for social interaction you’ll certainly need to look for new ways to get that.

When you work from home it’s incredibly important to have strategies to maintain your motivation. Remember, you don’t have to sit at your desk from 9-5. When you work from home you can stop and go for a 30-minute run to get your mood up if you need to. Do what you need to to stay excited about your work. Don’t feel bad if you need to take a nap mid-day or go for lunch with a friend. You’ve been conditioned to work from 9-5 with a one hour lunch break so you may feel guilty if you start to do things other than that. But that is one major perk of running your own business. You set your schedule. So, do what you gotta do to keep yourself motivated and fulfill on what your business needs.

Where to start if you’re working for a company but you want to transition to running a business

Do you know what type of business you’d like to start? Depending where you’re at, the best thing to do while you’re working for someone else is to train yourself, research your options and learn about your marketplace. Slowly start to build a concept and build your skills. Do this while you have the financial stability of a job.

Start training right away in the primary skills you need to be a successful entrepreneur. While you may need specialized skills depending on your industry, all entrepreneurs need to have the following skills to make it. They are:

Digital marketing – you need to know how to create and sell online. You need to understand why you need a website and how to built a strategic one. You need to understand why you need social media and email marketing and how they work. You need to have technical know-how. The better you at in digital marketing the more quickly you can advance and achieve success.

When I quit my full-time job I went to work for a digital marketing agency so I could learn how to sell online. This was the best thing I ever did for my business career.

Copywriting – you need to know how to write. All businesses need to communicate their offerings to their market. More and more this done primarily online. You need to know how to write great content from blogs to the content on your web site, to landing pages and emails. If you don’t know how to write effectively and with influence, you need to train yourself.

In-person communication skills – you still need to be a people magnet. While most business interactions are done online these days it helps to have great people skills. Learn how to be likable. You will get ahead in all areas of your life.

Techniques for managing your own well-being and mood – this is super important and often overlooked. Many entrepreneurs fail because they can’t stay motivated, or don’t know how to deal with failure, or hate the loneliness of working from home. The best way to train yourself to be an incredible entrepreneur is to acquire mental toughness training. Learn how to overcome your fears. Deal with your personal barriers. Whatever blocks you have will come up when you try and build a bring a business to the world.

Whether you work for a company or have started to build your own business, you can start today in training yourself in these skills. It helps to schedule training to time to learn new skills.

If this article didn’t scare you and you’re still aching to start your own business, what you need to know that this way of life is fast becoming a necessity. Automated systems are fast replacing the middle class. Soon you won’t be able to get a degree and a job like you used to because no one will need you.

So need yourself! Build a incredible business that solves a problem in this world. The world needs you.

]]>I hate my life – How to free yourself when you feel this wayhttps://awesomelifeclub.com/i-hate-my-life-how-to-free-yourself-when-you-feel-this-way/
Sun, 01 Oct 2017 13:00:53 +0000https://awesomelifeclub.com/?p=3739Have you been thinking "I hate my life" right now? Take a moment to to first breathe and know that you're not alone. 100% of people will have this thought at least once in their life. That doesn't mean that feeling this way doesn't suck. This is especially true when that thought seems to stick […]

Have you been thinking "I hate my life" right now? Take a moment to to first breathe and know that you're not alone. 100% of people will have this thought at least once in their life. That doesn't mean that feeling this way doesn't suck. This is especially true when that thought seems to stick around for a long time. You're in the right place. If you've been thinking "I hate my life", here's how to free yourself when you feel this way...

Why you're having "I hate my life" thoughts

The first question to ask yourself is: Do you hate all aspects of your life? Or, is it just one aspect or a few? It's important you first pinpoint what you hate. Do you hate your body? Do you hate your job? Or, do you hate the environment where you live? Is there anything you do love and want to salvage and keep? Or, do you feel like your life needs a complete overhaul?

If you're having I hate my life thoughts the first thing to do is GET SPECIFIC on what exactly it is about your life that you hate. Noticing that you hate your life, and specifically what exactly you hate about it, is the first step to making serious, lasting changes. It can feel terrible to notice that you hate one or more aspects of your life. Still, the good news is that this is the first step to turning things around for the better. All change starts with the realization that change needs to happen. When you have "I hate my life" thoughts, it's a sign you need to listen to you and make some serious changes. The sooner you make changes the sooner you'll feel better. This doesn't mean doing anything drastic. Sometimes taking very simple actions can improve the quality of your life almost immediately.

Get specific. This is critical because it's easy to let the hatred of one area of your life color all areas. For instance, if you hate your body, the negative thoughts around your body might be coloring how you experience your relationships. It's important to separate your life into components. Get clear on what you love and what you hate before you do anything else.

Get to the root of what's causing your discomfort

After you pinpoint the area or areas you hate about your life ask yourself WHY. Why do you hate this area or areas?

Then, reflect on what you do want. Get specific on that too. Because once you have an idea about what you do want then you can ask yourself the most important question: What's preventing me from having what I want? The reasons you come up with are really what's stopping you. Those are the things to go to work on. You can either go to work on solving your reasons or work on changing your mindset around that reason so the reason loses it's value.

For instance, if you hate your body and the reason you don't have what you want is that you hate exercise, then you know you need to find a way to enjoy exercise. Or, you need to work on shifting your beliefs around exercise. If your challenge is that your business isn't successful, and what's in the way is a lack of time, then you need to go to work on new ways to manage your time. Or, you need to optimize your businesses processes in a new way.

Either way, whenever you're thinking "I hate my life" there are only two variables in the way of you being able to say "I love my life": 1) You're missing a piece of KNOWLEDGE and you don't know what to do or, 2) You haven't taken the right ACTION. So ask yourself, what's missing? Do you not know what to do? Or do you need to come up with a new strategy (new actions) to get you what you want?

Switch things up

The simplest way to start to improve your life and gain momentum is to do something new. Take a new action. Try a new technique, a new approach. Go learn something new about the area you're struggling with. This will help you to start thinking differently and seeing things differently. If you hate your body and you know you need to eat better or exercise more, a place to start might be to explore new forms of fitness or different foods. Take at least one simple and new action. This will help you start to gain traction in the area or areas of life that you hate right now.

Here's the other challenge most people are met with...you think you need to feel like doing something to do it. This is a big misconception and it stops you from getting what you want. You don't need to feel like taking an action that's good for you to take that action. Think about it, have you ever been woken up by your alarm clock and not wanted to get out of bed but you put your feet on the floor and stood up anyway? You don't need to feel like taking action to take the action. This is a concept to commit to memory. Sometimes an action is good for you and your life but doesn't necessarily feel that way. You don't need to be motivated to take action, you can take action regardless.

Beware of overusing external remedies to fix your life

Most people have been conditioned to use means of external gratification to solve problems. This can be a problem as it can cause you more long term pain than pleasure. For instance, you're unsatisfied with your relationship but instead of dealing with your feelings or talking it out you turn to food. Or to destress after a day at a job you don't love, you tune out of life by throwing yourself into tv and drinking half a bottle of wine. Sometimes you need to eat that piece of cake or drink some wine or watch a show but sometimes you start to use external forces as crutches. All things are good in moderation but they can also develop into bad habits. For instance, if you turn to food when you're stressed you might incur long term health issues.

If you feel yourself getting out of balance and looking outward for external fixes to your life challenges it's a clue you need to start taking some new actions. It's a clue you are feeling unsatisfied. You need to take a new action and you also may need to develop some new and more positive habits to replace the ones that aren't good for you. What habits are not serving you in the long-term? How could you replace them with better habits?

Remember that the future you're living into is everything

What makes you feel happy now is the future you're heading into. Think about it. If you're heading on a trip to Jamaica for two weeks and you're leaving tomorrow, today you'll feel pretty excited. What this means is if you're looking ahead to your future and seeing more of what you hate now, you will feel terrible about your life. You'll gain immediate power when you decide what you want to achieve in the near future. Then, take at least one simple action to move towards that future.

Lastly, it's up to you

If you are saying to yourself "I hate my life" or "I love my life" the question is...who is the "I" in that statement? It's you. You are the only person that can ultimately decide what you want in life and what you are willing to do to get it. It's up to you. No one can live your life for you. The power to have what you want rests on your shoulders. And it's 100% possible. You can have your dream life. You can turn the tables from hating your life to loving it quickly but you have to decide you want to and commit to it. Commit to your happiness. You can do that by following the guidance in this article. Here's a recap:

Pinpoint the area or areas you're dissatisfied with and GET SPECIFIC on what it is you hate

Consider what you DO WANT and WHY you want it

Ask yourself what's preventing you from getting it

Learn or take new actions to forward what you do want. Start with one simple action. Incremental progress is key

So, you got this. Your dream life is not as far as it may seem. It's time to start loving your life. Soon your "I hate my life" thoughts will be a distant memory.

]]>Questions that make you thinkhttps://awesomelifeclub.com/questions-that-make-you-think-differently/
Sat, 16 Sep 2017 20:45:39 +0000https://awesomelifeclub.com/?p=3662Here’s a communication rule to consider: What you put out is what you receive. If you are angry. You’ll get anger back. If you are happy you will create happiness around you. If you feel guilt, you will create guilt. You always get back a response that matches the communication you put out. Commit this to […]

]]>Here’s a communication rule to consider: What you put out is what you receive. If you are angry. You’ll get anger back. If you are happy you will create happiness around you. If you feel guilt, you will create guilt. You always get back a response that matches the communication you put out. Commit this to memory. Remind yourself of this principle. It is a game-changer. And one more thing. The communication you put out is linked to your internal dialogue, and how questions that make you think differently will change your life.

Let’s dive in.

How questions that make you think differently will change your life

You always get back a response that matches the communication you put out. Let explain. When you communicate with any other human being the questions you ask, what you say and your tone will always be met with a response that aligns. Here’s a personal example to illustrate because I learned this concept in a difficult way…

I was training in a high-level coaching program from one of the world’s masters and that’s when this idea — that you always get back a response that echoes the communication you put out — was drilled into me. I was being trained on how to interact in coaching calls and how I communicate as coach will match the response I get. Asking the right question is everything. Speaking with the right tone is everything.

So, after an exhausting day of training and learning that “you always get back the response that matches the communication you put out”, I went back to my hotel room and as I did every night I called my husband and 3 year old son on Skype. The call upset me right away. My son was mad at me for a leaving for a few days. He didn’t want to talk to mommy. For a mom, this was a terrible experience and I immediately projected my anger onto my husband who was doing everything he could do be both a mom and dad for a few days while I was away.

I’m embarrassed to say what I said to my incredible husband. He really is the best dad you could ever have. But I did it. I said this about our son: “He’s not a piece of furniture, he’s a kid!”

That’s when I really learned the concept that had been drilled into me that day. I said something nasty to my husband out of anger. I dug deep. I pushed a button. And of course, a fight ensued. I learned my lesson, oh boy. I got a nasty response. Nasty = nasty!

This is also true…if you’re nice, you get back nice. If you communicate love to someone, you get back love. If you say something nasty, you get back nasty. You get what you give when you communicate. You create the quality of all the relationships in your life. What this means is that you are in control of the quality of all your relationships. At any point, you can change them in positive ways simply by being what you want to get back. Which is where asking of yourself questions that make you think differently will make a difference.

Questions you ask yourself in romantic relationships

Consider what commonly happens in romantic relationships. At the beginning the question you ask yourself is: “How can I make this person happy?” or “What can I do to make this person love me?” . Naturally, all your actions at the beginning are centered around making the other person happy. Over time what often happens is the questions change. The quality of the relationship changes too. Many people start to ask themselves “How can I get what I want?” or “How can I change this person?” (see also: 100 questions for couples to ask each other)

At the root of all your communication are the questions you ask yourself internally. The best way to improve the quality of your relationships or to influence others and get the outcomes you want is to be aware of your internal dialogue. Understand how questions the make you think differently will change your life.

The question I asked myself before I said the terrible line “He’s not a piece of furniture he’s a kid.” was “How come he [my husband] didn’t listen to me?”. Before I left I had put together a schedule and it involved playdates out with my son. I was mad that my husband didn’t listen to me. The entire fight was not really about the care he was providing to our son. We argued about the latter but it was really about me not getting my way.

But what if I had noticed my internal dialogue and asked a different question. A question like: “How can I help my husband?” or “How can I improve this situation for them at home and me here?”. Asking this question would have had me take a different approach.

It’s not just in relationships with other people that the questions you ask yourself matter, it’s also important around your relationship with YOU! When you fail do you say this to yourself: “How could you have let this happen?!” or do you take an inquisitive and less self-blaming stance and say “How did this happen? If I understand what the breakdown was I can learn for next time”.

When someone does something mean to you do you say: “How could he/she!?” or do you ask “I wonder what made them act like that? I wonder what’s going on in their life?”

When you feel lost or stuck in your direction in life do you ask: “Why doesn’t anything work out for me? Or do you ask “What’s trying to emerge in my life? What can I learn from this? What’s next for me?”

How to change the questions you ask yourself

The first step in changing your internal dialogue is to NOTICE it. Tune into what your saying. Don’t let yourself just run on autopilot. It might help if you write down what’s in your head. Sometimes the simple act of getting on paper will allow you to see what’s playing in your head.

As a general rule if you find yourself asking a lot of WHY questions, such as “Why did this happen?” “Why is this person being so unreasonable” “Why do I never get what I want”, you are being a victim of your circumstances. You are stuck in your past. This will never help you move forward and get what you want. The minute you notice you’re using WHY questions it’s time to interject and ask a new question.

It’s important to remember that what you think/believe will cause you take take action and it will produce either negative or positive results. And the best way to get what you want and to have more positive in your life is stepping in and being in control of your thoughts.

When you notice you have negative dialogue streaming in your head and you’re having trouble shutting it off or believing something else, the first thing to do is go do something that feels good physically and puts you in a better mood.

Go for a walk or for a run. Put some music on and dance. Take a hot bath. Get a massage. Put yourself in a relaxed state of feeling good. Changing your physical state is the quickest way to get yourself thinking more rationally and more positively.

Then, when you are in a better mood, ask yourself: What do I want to achieve? What more empowering question could I ask right now?

When you do this you’ll start to reframe your entire situation. You’ll start to give yourself some breathing room. You’ll start to see new actions you could take immediately.

The state you want to be in is one of inquiry. Become curious. Imagine you’re a fly on the wall watching you and other people. And the fly is curious. The fly is considering what could I do to make this better, improve the situation achieve the positive outcomes I want.

Questions to ask in the worst of times

When someone is being nasty towards you or when you’re mad at someone here are some empowering questions you might want to ask yourself…

What’s going on in this person’s life that’s making them act this way?

How can I help this person?

How can I make this person feel better?

What am I contributing to this situation?

How can I change their behavior by changing mine?

What’s going in my life that’s making me act this way?

How do I want this relationship to go?

What can I do to have this relationship be what I want?

What does this person need?

What do I need?

What quality is missing in this relationship and what can I do to cause it?

Questions to ask when you are stuck, feeling hopeless around life and your direction

What can I learn from this experience?

What little thing can I do today to make myself feel better?

What’s trying to unfold in my life?

What am I not being grateful for?

What do I love and feel passionate about?

What can I do that’s fun?

What can I do to get inspired?

Who can I confide in that would make me feel better?

What’s missing right now for me that’s having me feel this way?

What’s a new action I haven’t taken that I could take?

Questions to ask when something bad happens to you, like a major failure

What was missing that led to the failure?

What could I put in next time that would increase my chances of winning?

What is there for me to learn from this?

How can I benefit from this failure?

What did I do well/what did work about this situation?

How can this failure make me a better person?

What can I teach others about this situation?

How can the world or other people benefit from my failure?

Refer to this list of questions when you need to. Or create your own. Don’t let yourself succumb to negative thoughts. The more you train your brain to ask empowering questions, the more it will become routine for you. It’s like building a muscle. It takes effort. It’s not easy at first but after a while it becomes second nature.

Getting what you want in life starts with you. You are the controller of your thoughts and what you think and believe is directly linked to your actions and behavior. Think better and you’ll act better. Act in more favorable ways and you’ll get more of the results you want and less of what you don’t want. So what is next? Create a list of questions that make you think differently that you can refer to until it becomes second nature.

]]>Asking questions that make you think in new ways will improve your lifehttps://awesomelifeclub.com/asking-questions-that-make-you-think-in-new-ways-will-improve-your-life/
Fri, 01 Sep 2017 00:34:54 +0000https://awesomelifeclub.com/?p=3407 You and I – all people – are curious by nature. It’s our goal in life to understand, to make meaning of our life and of our world. We are born to ask questions. In the beginning it’s critical. The questions we ask help us learn. Think back to when you were a child. […]

You and I – all people – are curious by nature. It’s our goal in life to understand, to make meaning of our life and of our world. We are born to ask questions. In the beginning it’s critical. The questions we ask help us learn. Think back to when you were a child. Or if you have young children, it’s probably easy to think about a question they recently asked you. Children ask questions incessantly. Why is the sky blue? Why are you putting that there? What are you doing? How come? Children around 4 years old ask upwards of 400 questions a day. By age 6 that number diminishes by half and even less by age 10. You ask questions too but as an adult your questioning has likely diminishing. And questions are important because asking questions that make you think in new ways will improve your life.

Asking questions that make you think in new ways will improve your life

As an adult your questioning has likely become much more internal. And it diminishes because most of us stop learning as rapidly as we did as a kid. We ask less questions out loud because we want to seem superior or like we “have it all together”. Asking questions in the workplace, for instance, may cast you as uninformed or unintelligent. Too many “whys” and you are liable to really piss someone off.

It happens at a young age, that we’re conditioned to stop asking questions and just follow the rules. Our institution teach our children, our employees, our co-workers, to do what is asked. Questioning is a skill. And without nurturing it becomes like a lost art. Your brain shuts down on it’s curiosity levels. But questions are critical. Asking questions helps you figure out what matters. It can help you see where opportunity lies and to clearly define it. It can help you be resourceful. It helps you see new actions to take. Asking the right question – thoes questions that make you think in new ways – internally or to someone else can be a game changer.

Nurturing your curiosity is critical

Being curious is an active state. If I told you to take on being curious today, you’d like know how to do that. Naturally, you’d start examining your world. Asking more questions. Maybe questions that make you think in new ways. Curiosity is a state to hone. It has you stop doing on autopilot. Start asking “why am I doing this?“. Start asking “is the the smartest way to do this?”. Or, you could ask “Is this serving me?”. When you’re inquisitive it serves you as you start to truly become the creator of your life instead of going through the motions.

You are naturally curious you are likely to wonder and examine how things were created, processed, developed and more. But you have to tune in, to use your innate skill daily so you hone it versus lose it.

Curiosity allows you to be constantly surprised. Imagine if you looked at each day with new eyes as if it had something positive to teach you at every moment. Perhaps, the world could be a pretty incredible place if you looked at it from a place of awe and wonder. Each person you interact with, every situation you are in could present an opportunity to learn something new, or experience something entirely different. Most people repeat each day the same way over and over. Do you tend to get up and think the same thoughts? Do you engage in the the same morning routine? Do you take the same route to the same job? Do you interact with the same people who say the same things?

All people are habitual creatures which can be a really great thing until, it’s not. When we get into a routine of sameness we stop seeing the newness that exists. We stop using the art of curiosity. The what ifs, the why, the maybes and the hows.

How to ask more powerful questions

Take this on this week: Practice asking questions. Practice using your curiosity skills. Bring curiosity to your life. See how asking questions that make you think in new ways will start to change the quality of your life. Repetition is the mother of all skill so the only necessary part of this is to start and to become aware of your current abilities.To start, you may notice you ask yourself some questions but they tend to be in your head. Or that they may be still somewhat unconscious but they are there. What you may notice is you may ask things like:

Why do I have to do this?

How long is this going to take?

Why do I have to be here?

Why is there so much traffic?

Why is this so hard?

Do these sound familiar? Consider what kind of response you would give yourself to those questions? Do you think it would help you to be more or less successful?

Questions are incredibly powerful as they have the ability to directly determine your life experience. When you ask yourself a question from the above list will likely keep you stuck or limit your ability to come up with a better experience. The questions above are disempowering. They would not improve the quality of your life. You want to ask questions that make you think in different and new ways.

So ask yourselves empowering questions. This is where you will achieve the greatest shift in your current life experience. That may sound like a great story but by asking yourself empowering questions you will reshape your mind your daily actions and interactions. So how the heck do you get started? Get curious!

For example before you go to bed you may ask yourself how can I make this the most incredible day tomorrow? You may hear yourself answer, “I can’t it will suck“. If that is the case try again. Perhaps you might ask: If I were to make it the most incredible day what would I need to do? You may begin to write a list of those things you need to do. You may find your mind wanting to come up with reasons why you can’t do those things. Therefore the next great and powerful question could be: Who do I need to be to get those things done?

Most people ask themselves one question, come up short with the answer and become defeated. Questions are limitless, which means the possibilities we can create for ourselves are also limitless. Which means the life we can experience can also be limitless. What if that were true? What if literally anything was possible? Consider the possibilities of your life through a great question and you might begin to create a great new story, to move your life in ways you never thought were possible before.

]]>How to get a life that inspires youhttps://awesomelifeclub.com/how-to-get-a-life-that-inspires-you/
Fri, 01 Sep 2017 00:02:35 +0000https://awesomelifeclub.com/?p=3405 Take a moment right now to take stock of your current life. Are you inspired? Does every aspect of your life align with what you authentically want and value? Do you wake up most days and think: “Pinch me! Is this really my life?”. Or have you been feeling a little less enthused or […]

Take a moment right now to take stock of your current life. Are you inspired? Does every aspect of your life align with what you authentically want and value? Do you wake up most days and think: “Pinch me! Is this really my life?”. Or have you been feeling a little less enthused or frustrated with one or more aspects of your life lately? Read on to learn how to get a life that inspires you and how to start the journey today.

How to get a life that inspires you

Most people are conditioned to believe they need to achieve things to be successful. That the job will make them happy. Or the relationship. Or more money. Most people learn to be externally gratified. It’s ingrained in our culture. We learn to feel good about ourselves when we receive external gratification and this happens from a very young age. We feel happy with ourselves when we achieve the A+ grade. Or because we have a certain brand of clothing. Or because we look a certain way, or live in a specific area.

Thinking this way will certainly land you into a life that may look “successful” but isn’t fulfilling. It’s possible to be successful and not fulfilled. This happens when you’re focused on what you need to achieve and not from a place of considering: “What do I want to EXPERIENCE in my life?”

Being fulfilled is an emotional experience. So the best way to build a life that inspires you, one that you love, is to consider what you want from an experiential level versus thinking using your rational mind. Before you go after what you think you want, you want to shut down your rational thinking process (your left brain thinking) and tune into your emotional side (your right brain thinking).

What you can do today to move closer to your dream life…

Step 1: Decide what you want using your right brain thinking processes and your emotions to guide you

The key to building a life you love is to key into your deep desires and passions, and once again, to think from an emotional level by asking the question: “What do I want to experience?”

You can turn your rational thinking processes down by daydreaming. Imagine what you want in all areas of your life. Take some quiet time to think by yourself. Ask yourself “What do I want to experience in my career?…relationships?…physical health?… And then, daydream about what you want. Step into what you think you’d like to experience in your mind. Start to build a framework. Really try to feel what it would be like to be in your future, experiencing what you want.

You’ll get excited. You’ll get moved deeply. You’ll feel emotionally ignited when you start to build a future that inspires you. When you feel excited and moved by something you imagine it’s a signal that this is something you’d really like to experience and a goal you should move towards.

Here’s the incredible thing about visualizing: Your brain doesn’t know the difference between you imagining doing something and actually physically doing it! This means, you could take a bite of a juicy orange fresh from a tree or imagine it and you would salivate. Your brain goes through the same mental processes.

So, seeing a future you want is the first step to deciding what you really want. Once you know in your heart what excites you and a goal you want to move towards then you can do the next most important step.

Step 2: Get rational and realistic about where you are and what you need to do next

Once you’ve imagined and explored what you want (in as specific terms as possible) and you’ve decided on what it is, then you need to get realistic about it. When you think rationally, you’ll pull your left brain thinking processes back into the picture. This is an important part of the process because now you start to see how your dreams could be realized in reality.

At this point, it’s time to consider where you’d like to be in the near future – the goals you’d like to achieve – and contrast it with where you are now. It’s important to evaluate where you are and where you’d like to get to using measurable and specific variables.

For instance, let’s say you want to lose 15 lbs in three months. If you’re 200 lbs now, then within 15 lbs to have met your goal you’d be 185 lbs. Once you have measurements you’ll need to ask yourself: “What structures do I need to put in to realize this goal?”

In this case, perhaps you’d need to enroll in a fitness class or learn new ways to eat.Consider what you need and schedule in times to take the actions that will get you the result you want.

Creating a structure – planning, scheduling work – is critical to achieving what you want with velocity. So write your thoughts down. Start to build a framework. Set aside a bit of time (30 minutes is really all you need) of quiet time to plan and review your plan each week.

Step 3: Take action

Do you spend more time thinking about what you want to achieve or taking the actions to actually get it? Most people get too caught up in introspection – thinking about what they might want or what happened in the past – versus getting into action.

Remember that actions = results. No action = no results!

Once you start taking action towards your dreams – even if it’s a very minor action – you’ll start to get excited and feel amazing. At that point, you’ll feel more energized and compelled to take more actions.

Taking action is also the fastest way to know if your plan works. Are you doing the right things to get what you want or do you need to change it up? It’s also important that you notice what you’re doing and if it’s working or not. A great strategy always involves reviewing and tweaking. Use action as a metric to rate your progress.

Step 4: Be persistent, stay committed and keep your “eye on the prize”

How do you be persistent? Well, it’s starts with deeply wanting your dream. When you know to 100% that you want to achieve a dream, to experience an aspect of your life in a specific way then it’ll be harder for you not to go after your dream. You’ll feel compelled. Anytime you consider quitting you’ll get more determined.

When you’re working towards achieving a dream and you’re in the process of building, it’s most important you keep yourself motivated by focusing daily on the outcomes you’re committed to achieving. What is it that you want? More importantly, WHY do you want it? What’s the reason you’re doing all this?

It helps to create a “Why List”. Write down all the reasons you want what you want. Make it exhaustive. Do this at the beginning when you decide you want something. Anytime you don’t feel motivated you can go back to your list. You can remind yourself of why you are doing what you’re doing. This will help fuel you into action. It will help you stay focused and committed.

Let’s say you’re working to get a startup off the ground and that the potential of the startup will make a difference for the world and make you millions. But let’s say you find yourself one day feeling really negative about everything you’re day. Maybe you’ve been working on this start up for three years. Maybe you’re uncertain it will ever go the way you want. Well, in that moment it’s critical you reflect on why you’re doing what you’re doing.

What are the reasons you want what you want? Maybe you want millions so you can build a family or be involved in more projects that change the world. Maybe at the point you’re at, you simply like money so you can afford a better way of life? Consider all the whys. Make an exhaustive list. This will help you stay motivated.

We are meant to be inspired by our lives. We are meant to make a difference. We are meant to contribute. Realizing all this starts with you. It’s starts with you being fulfilled. It starts with you saying: “That’s it. I’m living this life and putting my fulfillment first.”

Being inspired is what life’s all about. If you’re not fulfilled or working towards what you want you’re stagnating. Remember that progress = happiness. When you’re moving towards what you want you’ll feel invigorated and fulfilled. Start today. Getting a life that inspires you starts now and it starts with you.

The first action might be just to do Step 1 of this list. Then, keep going. You got this. And your dreams are possible.