Saturday, August 25, 2007

My intended post today was going to be about my big and bright girl, who turned 18 months old this week. I wanted to talk about how sweet she is,despite her tantrums, how smart and grown up she is, and about her amazing sense of humor. But instead, this post is about something else.

I'll have to admit that up until this weekend I've been 100% pro vaccinations. To me its always been a no-brainer, because the serious illnesses they prevent are definitely worse than the possible side effects from the shots themselves. And for all the many shots my girls have gotten, that has definitely been the case. Never once have they had any adverse reaction, nor even been fussy afterwards. I suppose we've been lucky, because that changed yesterday.

We had Bryn's 18 month well baby checkup. The appointement went well. Her stats were as follows:

Length: 32.75 inches (above 75th percentile)

Weight: 24 pounds 13 ounces (55th percentile)

Head: 47.5 (above 75th percentile)

She is right on track developmentally, and the ped was amazed at how advanced Bryn is verbally. (I've added a cute video clip at the bottom of the post, assuming it works) After the exam came the shot. I've never been to bothered by the shots, and as a result my kids don't seem too upset either. She only needed one this time, the DTaP booster. She's had it 3 other times before, and had no adverse reactions. Naturally I wasn't too worried this time either. The nurse came in with the needle, and I explained to Bryn that she was going to get an "owie". It would be a quick poke - it would hurt and it was ok to cry - but she could squeeze my hands if she needed. But it would be over really quick and afterwards she'd get a bandaid.

The shot was over quickly, and Bryn barely wimpered. She was very proud of the bandaid though, and was happily showing everyone where her "owie" was.

After the appointement, we headed straight over to gymnastics. Usually Bryn loves gymnastics, and happily participates in (almost) everything. But yesterday she cried and just wanted to be held. I wasn't overly concerned. She'd had a tummy bug earlier in the week, and so I assumed she still wasn't feeling better. I tried to get her to participate, but after realizing she was in no mood, I just held her for the remainder of the class.

She ate a good lunch and was very tired, so I put her right down for nap. She even took a nice long nap, but when she woke up something was wrong. When I went to get her she had goosebumps and was shivering. And the poor girl just wanted to be cuddled. I held her as she moaned "why, why, why". It would have been cute if it hadn't been so pathetic. I decided to give her some Motrin, and after a few minutes she seemed better. She even ate a good dinner, but she was still very tired, so she went to bath and bed right after we ate.

About 11:30pm, she woke me up screaming. I went to get her, and she was burning up. I took her temp in the ear, and it was 104.9. So, again I gave her motrin and also tylenol (G tends to spike fevers, and I've found the best way to combat them is by giving a dose of both meds). We rocked in the chair in her room to wait for the meds to work. As we sat and rocked, I heard her tummy making strange noises. I should have taken her to the bathroom then, but I decided it was nothing. How wrong I was. She literally exploded - there was undigested grapes and spinach everywhere. So gross. I had to strip both of us down, and clean the carpet.

After the puke episode, I pulled out the literature from the doctor to see if it gave any suggestions on dealing with her. It did say that 1 child in 50 could experience vomiting and 1 child in 16,000 could experience fevers of 105 or greater. Great. Leave it up to my child to be one of the rare ones. But there were no suggestions on how to treat her, other than to take her to see a doctor. And since it was after midnight, I didn't feel like driving 20 miles to the nearest ER to wait 1/2 the night for them to treat her just as I had been.

So we waited for the fever to go down - but it never did. After about an hour, I assumed she'd thrown up all the medicine. I gave her a second dose, and the fever started dropping. She fell asleep in my arms, and I put her back to bed. She woke just one more time, about an hour later. She was drenched in sweat, but she felt cool.

All day today she's run a fever of around 100.9, as long as I've kept the medincine in her. Without it, she's up around 104. Poor girl is so sweet though. Ben and G went to a water park today without us, and I spent the day cuddling and loving her.

Its been rough though, and I can't help but feel a bit guilty. I feel like she's sick in part because I allowed the vaccination. Rationally I know that the vaccinations are needed. But its hard to watch her feeling so horrible. I don’t know that I’m anti vax now – in fact I know that I’m not. I definitely plan to continue getting my girls’ shots on schedule. There are far too many worse complications were they to get sick. But I am going to be more cautious from now on. My doctor’s office also suggested that I contact the health department to file a Vaccine Adverse Event Report, because the CDC likes to keep track of statistics. She does need one more booster in this series too, and I’m definitely going to talk with my doctor about the possibility that she could get even sicker next time. I am grateful that she didn't have a more serious reaction, and that she'll be ok.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Has anyone ever read my blog and found it strange that my blog title alludes to the fact that I work full-time outside of the home, yet I rarely talk about work. I suppose that my intention has always been to talk about work - in fact I mostly blog from work. But work is boring - plain and simple. Despite the fact that I work with big-name developers, world-renowned starchitects, and even find myself (mis)quoted in the paper on occasion, my two beautiful girls are way more interesting to spend my precious blogging time talking about. And I like them more.

It is a difficult thing though, to balance being a career woman and a mommy. Especially to be good at both. Most days, I find myself being rather mediocre at both as I struggle to find the balance. If anyone out there has found a way to be a good mommy and career woman, please pass along the secret. Because I surely don't know what it is.

This week has been especially difficult. On Monday night, Bryn had the early signs of a stomach bug. By Tuesday morning, she'd had several yucky diapers and was acting grumpy. I knew she felt sick, but I had a busy day at work and I felt like I needed to be there. So, I took her sick to daycare. She lasted through lunch time, but by about 1:00 daycare called. We stayed home the rest of Tuesday and all of Wednesday. I ended up missing 2 important meetings, a community open house, and a big press release about an exciting new project. Instead, I stayed home to change yucky diapers and hold my grumpy girl while we watched princess movies. Through it all, I felt like I was where I should be - but all day yesterday, I couldn't shake that guilty feeling that I was letting my coworkers down.

Some days I long to stay at home. I feel like I'm missing out on so much of my little girls' lives. They repeat words that I've never said to them, and know things that I've never taught them. It is difficult not to feel a little guilty that I work. It seems that society still tends to look down upon working mommies. Most of my friends and neighbors are stay at home moms, and sometimes I feel left out. I don't get to go to play groups during the day or to meet up at the park with other moms. But when I really think about it, working keeps me sane. Besides, I don't really have the option or choice to stay home. At least right now.

Its really not all bad though. I do like my job (most days) and like feeling like I'm making a financial contribution to the family. Besides,the girls love their teachers and friends at daycare, and are both very social. I think that daycare is good for them because it gives them the chance to be around so many different people. They really do get bored with me when we stay home. All day yesterday, G kept asking if we could go somewhere - anywhere out of the house. They are learning good things at daycare too. G is in a preschool program there, and is learning things like Spanish and sign language. She also knows what letter each of her friends' names start with.

I do think that I'm doing the best that I can. I am providing financial stability and insurance benefits to our family that we wouldn't have otherwise. My girls also see the example of a strong and intelligent woman. And I think that I'm still a great mommy. I only work 4 days a week, so on Friday its girls' day. We have a pancake breakfast, go to gymnastics, read lots of stories, and have fun. Every single day, we eat dinner as a family, and then spend time together in the evenings. On the weekends, we always do an outing with Daddy. So, I still spend lots of quality time with my girls, and they know that they're loved. I hug and tickle them every day, and tell them I love them before bed.

Being a mom is difficult, whether its a stay at home mommy or one who works. We all have our challenges and issues that we have to learn to deal with. I've made the decision to work, and I feel its what is best for our family right now.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Gracelin is very curious. This weekend while shopping, I got her a tee shirt at Old Navy that simply says down the front:

Why

Why

Why

When I saw that shirt, I had to buy it. Its her to a "T" (pun intended). She is so curious and is constantly asking questions. I have to remind myself that being curious is a sign of intelligence, lest her constant barrage of questions would drive me batty.

Sometimes the questions can get pretty difficult to answer. I don't ever want to lie to her, but sometimes a 3 year old doesn't need to know the whole answer. For example, just last night she was playing in a drawer in my bathroom while I ran the girls' bath, and she pulled out a box of panty liners. Before I could stop her, she had one out of the box, and was saying something to me about wishing she had a really big "ouchie" so she could use the giant bandaid she was holding.

I said to her that it is not a bandaid. And then she wanted to know what it was. I explained to her that it was a special thing called a panty liner that mommies sometimes needed to use. I'm not sure what she thought it was after that, but luckily it stopped the questions - for a few minutes.

After bath, we were wrestling on the bed. I hadn't shaved in a few days, and somehow while we were playing, she noticed. Then she wanted to know why I had prickly black hairs in my armpit. I told her that is what happens to girls when they get ready to be mommies - to which she responded by saying "oh, kinda like when they get boobies too?"

I said yes, and she seemed satisfied. Then she started talking about what it will be like when she has a baby in her tummy. She's such a funny girl.

Monday, August 20, 2007

I know some of you probably read my blog title for today and cringed, and I can't say that I'd entirely blame you. She is after all 18 months old - today in fact. And up until this weekend I have breast fed her every single day of her life. I've been meaning to cut the strings for awhile now. It really bothers Ben that she's still a boobie baby, and honestly, I have been a bit embarrassed to admit it to others as well. She is a toddler - who only runs where she is going and can speak in full (albeit rudimentary) sentences. Really, she only has been nursing twice a day - once in the morning and once at night. But I figured that 18 months is long enough.

So, I decided to do it cold turkey. Since I'd be away from her a full 48 hours this weekend, I figured it was a good way to cut all ties. She didn't seem to miss it while I was gone. She slept just fine for my mom, and only even cried for me once apparently.

On Sunday when we picked her up, she was so clingy. I couldn't even leave her sight long enough to go to the bathroom. She wanted mommy. On the way home from G'ma's, Bryn fell asleep in the car. I took her to bed when we made it home, and she took a 4 hour nap. When she woke up, I took her to the living room, and while sitting on the couch she asked to nurse. She tugged at my shirt, and when I told her it was all gone, I almost cried. Bryn did cry. It hurt her feelings. It made me so sad, because I wanted nothing more than to let her nurse. But Ben got her a cup of milk from the fridge, and she got over it quickly. All day though, she was obsessed with my boobs. She kept feeling me up, and putting toys down the front of my shirt. I think she had her hand down there 100 times during the afternoon. Poor girl had a one-track mind.

I had Ben put her to sleep last night, and she went right out. In fact, he said that while reading her second book, she pushed him away and asked to go to sleep. Silly girl. She didn't miss me at all.

This morning Ben got her out of bed and ready for daycare. Our typical routine is for Ben to get her ready and then I nurse her. So, when Daddy brought her out, she wanted to come to me and nurse. She tugged at my shirt and looked up at me with her big, sweet eyes. I again told her it was all gone and got her a sippy of milk. This time there were no tears.

My poor boobs hurt. I would love to nurse her at least one more time just to make the pain go away. But I think that would just make the weaning process more difficult. I think its more traumatic for me than it is for her. I've been pregnant or breast-feeding (or both) since August 2003 - 4 full years without a day's break. I miss it. And right now, Bryn is so busy and active. I know I'm going to miss the 2 times a day that I would get her to cuddle and snuggle with mommy.

I think back to when I was pregnant with Gracelin, and not even sure I was going to try to breast feed her. I knew I'd be going back to work full-time, and I didn't think it was feasible to be a full-time working mommy who breast feeds her children. Looking back now, I have 2 beautiful girls who were 99% breast feed, and I'm so proud that I had the opportunity to nurse them both for so long. It was difficult at times - especially G who drank exclusively pumped breast milk for over 4 months. I wouldn't trade the experience for anything.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Ok - since I've been gone all weekend, I've finally had time to post my day in the life from Friday, as resquested from Tiburn ( http://utahtib.blogspot.com/2007/08/day-in-life.html ). This particular Friday also happened to be my 6th wedding anniversary, so it was a bit atypical. But, here goes. I started the day by sleeping in - all the way until 7am - when I was woken up by Gracelin. I usually try to get up and run before the girls wake, but since it was my anniversary I slept in. Friday is also my weigh-in for the Biggest Loser, so I made us a big breakfast of hash browns and pancakes. Carb loading - its my reward for being good all week. Bryn thoroughly enjoyed her breakfast (of course she rarely meets a breakfast that she doesn't love). After breakfast, G wanted to do mani/pedis. She loves to have her nails done. Today she wanted her toes alternating with blue and pink, and her hands with red and silver. It didn't match very well, but she thought that she was gorgeous.

Then it was time to go outside for a bit of yard work. After the big flashflood 2 weeks ago, I was worried about my rock wall. So, we planted 3 flats of groundcover - in July. I have to water it every single day. Its starting to grow though. Maybe next year it will be filled in. Friday is also gymnastics day. The girls love it - its definitely a highlight of the week. And don't they look so cute in their leotards. Gymnastics was great - Bryn is getting the hang of things. She loves to swing from the bar, and can lift her legs up and swing - all the while syaing "whee". She also loves the trampoline. G is really coordinanted, and also loves the bar and trampoline. The best part of gynmastics is that the girls come home super tired. After lunch, both girls sacked out. In fact, G only ate 2 bites of lunch before she was asking for sleep. The best part of long naps, is that it gives me a time to get things done. I did 3 loads of laundry and packed for the weekend. I also cooked dinner (baked tortillini, bread, and ceasar salad) for a neighbor who just had a baby. After naps and packing, we dropped the girls at grandma's and Ben and I went up to Midway for our anniversary weekend. Midway is the cutest little town, originally settled by the Swiss, and the architecture still reflects it. After we checked in, we went into Park City for a bit of shopping at the outlets, and a delicious dinner at Loco Lizard. I totally cheated on my diet, and enjoyed every second of it.

First and foremost, I want to thank everyone for their great comments. We did come to a decision. On Tuesday, we went to IKEA as a family and got G her new bed. (mommy put it together all by herself last night while daddy was at softball) Then, Ben went and got the coveted xBox 360. He did however sell off 4 of his other game systems that just sit unused all of the time.

Anyway - back to the topic of the day: my motivation level.

I've really been dragging the past couple of weeks, and my running has suffered. I feel like I'm practically dragging myself to the treadmill. My legs feel like lead and I just don't want to run. I've started cheating a bit on my long runs too, which is the worst thing I could do. Its one thing to cheat on a short run, and only do 2.5 when I've got 3 on the schedule. But to only run 10 when I've got 14 to run is a big difference.

I haven't had as much energy either, and I think I'm walking more than I should. But I just can't seem to make myself get back into LOVING running like I have been.

Its enough that I'm questioning the marathon. I know that I'm going to barely finish. In fact, 6 hours is my goal. I'll probably embarrass myself by coming in last place or something horrid like that.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Ok readers. I need some advice. So many of you have been wonderful in the past to offer me words of wisdom. I'm asking for you to please send me a comment telling me what you would do if you got $500 that you weren't expecting.

Here's why I'm asking:

Ben spent all day on Saturday working for his grandma. It was backbreaking labor (literally) and he spent almost 12 hours clearing out the dead trees around her mountain cabin. As payment, she gave him $500. And since our budget is tight right now, its been months since we've had any sort of money to spend on fun things. The money is literally burning a hole in Ben's pocket. Although he earned the money, he wants to spend it in a way that the whole family can enjoy.

Yesterday, he kept asking me what he should spend it on. My immediate reaction was that he should buy a road bike. He's been wanting one for months. Recently, my brother offered to sell his to Ben for the price of $500. That seemed like the most likely way to spend it - like it was meant to be. But Ben doesn't want to spend it all on himself. So, I offered some other suggestions, such as:

a) put it in our money-market account and save for a rainy day

b) make an extra large mortgage payment

c) buy light fixtures for the basement we've been trying to finish for months

d) go golfing

e) buy some new clothes

He didn't like any of my suggestions. He asked what I would spend it on (not counting boring ways like paying bills or saving it). I told him that I would buy Gracelin a bed (right now she sleeps on just a mattress). So, that is now what he wants to buy. Only now I feel badly - that was my "dream" scenario - not what I really think the money should be spent on. Ben's dream is an xBox 360.

Needless to say, we've reached a stalemate. In fact, our debate got quite heated last night. I really wish he'd just do whatever he wants with the money, but somehow I have to be involved in the decision. So, that is why I am asking for help. Please take a second and post where you would spend an extra $500 that you weren't expecting. Give me some great ideas! Thanks in advance!

Monday, August 13, 2007

What a "fun" weekend we've had with my sweet little Bryn. Notice that I put "fun" in quotes. Well, that is because its been an interesting weekend with my little girl. She's become quite assertive in expressing her strong will. At even the slightest inkling that she's about to not get her way, she dissolves into a fit of rage and fury that you'd have to see to believe. She's not afraid to assert her will by kicking, screaming, holding her breath until she's blue, biting, and making herself vomit - if she thinks that it will help her to ultimately get her way.

It came as quite a shock to me. G has never had a temper - she's been the easiest-going girl there is. I think she's had maybe 2 tantrums ever - and those could be chalked up to her being tired and/or hungry. I just don't know how to deal with this.

Yesterday I caught her playing in the water. She'd moved G's potty stool over to the sink, climbed up, and was sitting at the sink. When she saw me, she proudly exclaimed "hands!" and showed me that she was washing her hands. I helped her finish, dried things up, and lifted her down - which pissed her off. She flopped herself onto the floor and starting crying, and screaming, and wailing, and rolling around on the floor like she was dying a terrible, painful death.

I tried to reason with her, and quickly saw that she was in no mood to reason. So I picked her up to carry her to her room. On the way there, she arched her back, pinched my cheeks, pulled my hair, and tried to head-butt me. She was doing anything she could to express to me that she was unhappy with the situation - and read that message loud and clear - literally. I laid her on a blanket on the floor of her room (I don't want her to associate her crib with negative feelings, so I avoid it as a punishment). I again tried to calm her on the floor. She briefly settled as I wiped her face, but she started screaming. G came in, as did Ben. All three of us tried to cajole her by patting her back, singing songs, etc. She simply rolled under her crib, and pulled down the ruffle so she was hidden.

So, we left the room.

She continued screaming for about 10 minutes, but then eventually she came down the hall carrying her blanket. I picked her up, and she buried her face into me. She cuddled for a very long time, and the was perfectly fine the rest of the day.

I just don't know what to do with my baby. She's barely 18 months old - what will this be like when she's in the "terrible two's"? I may just have to sell her to the gypsies.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Last night Ben went wakeboarding with friends after work, so I was on dinner/bath/bed duty with the kids alone. No biggie. The night went smoothly. We had maccaroni and cheese and pancakes for dinner - a luxury we only get when its just mommy (because I have to watch the kids and cook. I know some mommies do both, but not me. I always have help with either the kids or the meal.) Then we headed off to the bath to wash the syrup and cheese off of faces and hands.

Bryn easily went to bed after the bath and G and I headed to her room. She has a pretty specific bedtime ritual. It starts out with a cold drink and a story from a book. Then, its lights out for a story from momma's head. The improv story is always tricky - G gives me a scenario and I have to tell her all about it. Last night she wanted a story about a girl and a baby who were camping and they got scared when they heard an animal in the woods. So I told her a story about a family that went camping. They left their teenage daughter back at the tent to care for the baby while they went on a hike. She heard noises in the woods that scared her, because she worried it may be an animal. But it turned out the noises she heard were really just mommy coming back to check on them. (I have to try and minimize the scariness). Luckily this lame story satisfied her, and it was time to move onto the "goosebump" stage of the bedtime ritual.

G loves her back scratched. The light tickles give her goosebumps, and she's not satisfied until she has them. But once she does, its time for closed eyes and no talking. This is the part of bedtime that I like the best, as she's usually asleep quickly. And because she's still afraid of the monsters in her closet, I usually stay until she's asleep.

Only last night, I also fell asleep. It was only about 8 pm, and I was out cold. Completely asleep. And since Ben was gone, there was no one to wake me. I slept through my run, and I didn't get the yard watering and laundry done that I'd planned on. I was even still in my work clothes. I woke up around 3 am, and just went to my own bed.

Other than that, no one woke up. Not one child cried in the night for a drink. No dogs barking woke me. I even slept through Ben's snoring and weird sleep noises.

I got 9 full hours of sleep. I can't remember the last time I slept that much - probably back to when G was a baby. Its been years. And it felt great. I'm actually awake at my desk this morning.

I love my kids, but I have definitely sacrificed sleep to be their mommy. Last night was such a blissful reminder of what an actual full night of sleep feels like. And it was great.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Yesterday was Gracelin's first dance class. She's 3, and already the dance world is political. She's been asking for months to take a dance class, and I've been trying to find a class that she can take - since I work until 6pm that can be a bit tricky. Finally last week, I found a class that starts at 6, which means I have to leave work a bit early. But I can manage it. And, as an added bonus, the class is really close to our house. But, I really want her in the 6-7 pm class, and in order to get her into that class she has to go for a month to a 5-6 pm class instead. So, for the next month, I need to leave work 2 hours early on Mondays to get her to dance class on time - which I think I can swing. (every time I consider getting a new job, I think about how flexible this one is and I just cannot do it)Yesterday we showed up a little early to register her for class. Gracelin was so excited that she ran over and was peeking into the windows as I got Bryn out of the car. Inside was a bit strange - there was a small waiting room with lots of cubbies, and then 3 locked doors. I could hear that dance classes were going on inside, but the doors were totally locked. I did think that was strange, but the other mother there waiting didn't seem to mind to I dismissed it. Pretty quickly, the small waiting room filled up with mothers and cute little girls in pink tutus. G was the only girl in black, and she looked adorable.Finally, the doors opened, and a group of teenage girls came out. It was finally time for G's class to begin. She eagerly ran in, and didn't look back. I was worried she'd be a bit scared, since they don't let the moms in to watch, but she didn't even care. Poor Bryn wanted to dance too. She kept saying "I dance, I dance" and when she realized that only G got to go, she laid on the floor, arched her back, and wailed. It would have been really funny if it hadn't been so pathetic.Since I couldn't go in and watch, Bryn and I walked next door to the library. She had fun there with just mommy. There was another mom there too with a girl in G's dance class, and we chatted a bit. Unfortunately Bryn got antsy quick. She's become quite a handful. My theory is that she is so smart that she gets bored quickly. And she is smart. 2 nights ago when Ben was bathing her, he got her out of the tub. Immediately she squatted and pooped on the floor. She stood up, said "scusey" (excuse me) and walked away - but I digress - that is a story for another post. Finally, the hour was up. Bryn and I walked back to the studio, and peeked in at the dance class. G was sitting on the floor in a circle with the other kids, who all seemed to be paying attention. G however, was spinning on the floor, pulling off her skirt, and sticking out her tongue. Then she saw me watching, so she got up and ran over to the window. I ducked away, because I really wanted her to pay attention. We waited a few more minutes until the other parents were going in.We got there as the girls were getting lollipops for being good dancers. Again Bryn started crying "I dance, I dance" and then she say the candy - and chaos ensued. She got so pissed of that she couldn't have a lollipop. She held her breath until she turned purple, and then wailed and wailed. She cried all the way to the car. She arched her back when I tried to strap her in. She almost puked on herself when I went to strap G in. It was the worst tantrum she's ever had, and so embarrassing. I think next week I'm going to bring her a sucker to eat while G has hers.And through all of this, I felt sorry for G. I just wanted to hear from her how dance class went. By the time Bryn calmed down all I could get out of G was that she didn't do anything, didn't get to spin, and she learned nothing.{{SIGH}}

We are sticking with this for a few more weeks. I want her to give it a fair chance. But if she really is bored and not liking it, then maybe I can get her into soccer. She loves her gymnastics class, and it is very high energy.

Monday, August 06, 2007

I was invited to a baby shower for my neighbor. The shower was mid-morning on Saturday at house just 4 doors down from mine. Gracelin was so excited to go to the shower - I think she thought a baby would be there. She even wanted to go to the store with me and pick out a gift.

So, the girls and I headed to the shower. I recognized most of the women there, as they were all from the neighborhood. But, I barely knew any of their names. I found a chair and sat down while the girls went to play with the other kids there. I tried striking a conversation up with the lady sitting next to me, but she was very unfriendly. So, I sat there and talked to no one. I was feeling very uncomfortable sitting by myself, so I got up and walked over to the refreshments. I tried to strike up a conversation with another lady standing by the punch bowl. I said to her, "I don't think I've met you before. What is your name?" She did tell me her name, but then walked away. I felt like I was being snubbed.

I didn't stay much longer. I waited for my neighbor to open her gift, and then I gathered up my kids to leave. As I was headed out the door, another neighbor in our same cul-de-sac asked if G wanted to go over and play with her daughter. They have played together a few times before, and G loves her. At least there was one kind person there who left me with a renewed hope that not everyone in my neighborhood is a total bee-otch.

We've lived in our house for about a year and a half. Most of my neighbors also go to my same church, so there have been ample opportunities for me to get to know them. But I really feel like some sort of outcast. I'm not sure if I really am being snubbed for some reason, or if I'm just reading into things that aren't there.

I know that I haven't been the friendliest person. I'm the only mom who works outside of the home, and I know that makes it difficult. They have play dates during the week, and obviously I cannot go to those. And by the time we get home from work/daycare the girls are starving, as its after 6 pm. So, we eat, bath and put the kids into bed (they get up at 6am, so we have an early bedtime). There really isn't time for us to go out and play during the week. And while I'm not shy, I'm really not outgoing either. It usually takes me a while to really open up to people. Perhaps my quiet demeanor is taken for snobbery?

The baby shower isn't the only instance where I've felt snubbed - there are so many instances. For example, 3 other women on my cul-de-sac are runners - I've seen them out running and they've seen me. I have even asked them if they wanted another running partner, and they won't take me up on it.

I've never had a difficult time making friends an any other aspect of my life. Even back to high school. Growing up I was never one of the most "popular" kids, but I always had a good group of friends and was very social. In college, I had many good friends and dated frequently. As a married woman, I still have lots of friends that I've met in my old neighborhoods, church, work, and even the internet.

I just don't know what it is about my particular neighborhood right now. It is bad enough that I have considered moving. We're not moving, but I'd love to find a way to make some friends in my neighborhood.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

I'm signed up to run a 1/2 marathon next weekend, and I'm getting a bit worried. I've been having some problems with my left foot lately. I'd doesn't bother me very much - just after I've been running outside for a few miles. It started happening after I got my new Asics - I'd been ok in my cheap Nike shoes that I buy from Famous Footwear. But all I've read on cool*runnings has led me to believe that I needed to be fitted for running shoes - so to Fleet Feet I went.

I found out that I need neutral shoes, and that I have high arches. So, I was fitted with orthodics as well. I tried running in the orthodics. I went twice outside and twice on the dreadmill for a total of about 15 miles. Those dang orthodics never felt good - my feet ached. I took them back to the store, but the problems never went away.

After about 2-3 miles, I start getting a pain in the ball of my foot by my toes. It feels like there is a large pebble or marble in my shoe. The pain then radiates into my toes, and they start to feel numb. I have noticed that if I change my gait and try to run more on the outside of my foot that the pain lessens.

Luckily, my foot feels great the rest of the time. Only when I wear one pair of shoes (that I love because they're so cute - see pic below) do I have any pain at all. And I don't wear them much, so it isn't a big deal.

Anyway - I've been thinking that my pain if from my shoes. I never thought that it could be anything else. But yesterday, I was surfing the forums at my favorite site, cool*runnings, and I found a thread about Morton's Neuroma.

A google search turned up this:

A neuroma is a noncancerous (benign) growth of nerve tissue that can develop in various parts of your body. Morton's neuroma occurs in a nerve in your foot, often between your third and fourth toes. The condition isn't a true tumor, but instead involves a thickening of the tissue around one of the digital nerves leading to your toes. Morton's neuroma causes a sharp, burning pain in the ball of your foot. Your toes also may sting, burn or feel numb if you have Morton's neuroma.

Also called plantar neuroma or intermetatarsal neuroma, Morton's neuroma may occur in response to irritation, injury or pressure - such as from wearing tightfitting shoes. But Morton's neuroma may also occur for unknown reasons.

Treatments for Morton's neuroma commonly involve changing footwear, resting your foot, and using arch supports or pads to help take pressure off the area. In some cases, your doctor may recommend anti-inflammatory drugs, a cortisone injection or even surgery if you have Morton's neuroma

I'm now convinced that is what I have. I don't want to go to the doctor though, because I know the first thing I'll have to do is stop running. And I don't want to stop. But I do want to run without pain. So, I suppose I don't know what to do.

If anyone has advice/experience with a neuroma, please advise. I'd love to hear stories!

About this blogger

My husband says that when I do something, I go all-out. The problem is, I have 100 hobbies. . . and I'm not very good at any of them. I'm a full-time working mother, who also tries to find time to spend time with my two girls, run, craft, and take pictures of everything.