7/9/2013 grateful and giddy

Tuesday, July 09, 2013

Yesterday I was sharing tidbits about my week with my DBT group. I explained how on Tues I'd recognized negative line of thinking and stopped to change the moment instead of suffering, Wed about the bands and fireworks, Thurs about allergic hives care, Friday about Entourage marathon, Sat about socializing and dancing, and the new info I learned Sun evening which is about my next vacation.

Mom and I have been thinking of our short list on where we want to vacation next. We'd mentioned going back to New York, San Juan, Austin, Key West or trying out new places like Seattle or New Orleans. At some point Sat night I thought about San Francisco but hadn't mentioned it to mom. We have both been there but at different times and not together and there were touristy things we hadn't got to do.

Well Sunday as I'm checking email there's a Green Day promotion for an Oakland versus Tampa Bay baseball game on Aug 31. Green Day band members will throw out the ceremonial first pitch and the after game fireworks will be set to their music, and each ticket holder gets a special ball cap with field level ticket purchase. I pitched (see what I did there) the idea to mom about going. We decided it'd be a great idea to go together and see my favorite band and do touristy things in and around San Francisco.

Later, after group ended I was thinking I didn't make it too clear that life isn't all about the perks and adventures. I'd focused on the glorious prizes a little too much. See, I've been through some seriously crappy years. People not-funnily joked that I'd broken a mirror and was living my 7 years of bad luck. I felt every horrendous minute of it. I got tired of being at rock bottom digging deeper. The only way to go was up if I wanted to live. And I realized I couldn't rely on anyone else to help me feel better; not doctors, counselors, medications, or food and certainly not any cocktail of other potentially destructive habits.

Well 2013 is MY YEAR! So armed with info from this site (among others), I started my efforts to straighten out my physical health, mental health, emotional health, and definitely financial health. With better nutrition and some exercise I have lost weight. But more importantly I have greatly reduced the daily meds I have to take (once upwards of 20+ a day now down to 2 a day). Despite the laundry list of medical diagnosis over the years I don't suffer from most of them constantly now like I used to. I have given up quite a now oversized wardrobe to mom. I am losing the winded feeling walking up any kind of incline. I am losing insecurity.

I have gained self respect. I have gained self admiration. I am earning stability. I am learning to retrain my brain from automatic negative thoughts to healthier positive thoughts and behaviors. I am getting old credit cards paid off and have earned a significant credit card limit increase which benefits me the luxury of this ballgame/vacation to see my favorite band.

So next session I'll be sure to clarify that all these things amazing things I've gotten to do this year including several bucket list items: partying, dancing, socializing, movies, theater, concerts, dining out, winning Green Day tickets to SXSW events, kayaking in Puerto Rico, participating in Electric Run, etc is b/c I've put in the effort, not bc the universe finally decided I'd had enough punishment. It isn't just some stroke of random luck (well maybe the SXSW contest was) but it's b/c I'm working at being a better ME. I couldn't have done any of these fantastic adventures if I hadn't been healthy enough to get out of bed.