Humiliated by their young team's on-court failures and off-court foibles, Bulls chairman Jerry Reinsdorf and GM John Paxson desperately want Chicago's NBA franchise to return to its just-before-glory days.

So, according to numerous reports Thursday, they have lured Collins out of broadcasting and back onto the sideline.

And, sources say, they'll give their new coach everything he needs to recapture the heady not-quite-championship era of the late-1980s.

That means: Paxson again will split point-guard duties with Sam Vincent; Michael Jordan, unretiring for the third time (just like Collins), will refuse to pass to Brad Sellers and Will Perdue; Scottie Pippen will start feeling a migraine coming on; and Horace Grant will wonder why he's not getting more touches. Even as you read this, Bill Cartwright is sharpening his elbows.

What's that? These guys are old? Doesn't matter. Only a fool would claim Michael, Scottie and Horace wouldn't be the three best players on the team - TODAY! - if they suited up for the present-day Crybaby Bulls.

But wait (as they say in infomercials), there's more!

Not only will the Bulls introduce Collins as their new coach upon conclusion of the Western Conference finals (he's TNT's lead analyst), here's the real news: After the L.A. Lakers deliver the 10th championship of his glorious career, Phil Jackson will join Collins.

That's right. Jackson has agreed to reprise his role as opportunistic Bulls assistant, ready to swoop in when Collins again gets fired because Reinsdorf wants a coach capable of taking the team from Point X to Point Y.

The best part of it all: Doug and Phil will bring back their Afros! Every night will be Retro Night, baby!

Bulls marketing honcho Steve Schanwald - the bespectacled character who recited the ticket-office telephone number on national TV when asked how it felt to win the NBA draft lottery - must be loving this.

OK, there's a slight chance our sources might be a tad misinformed, a chance the heroes of two decades past might not join Collins on his second Chicago go-round.

If so, would Collins still be the ideal choice?

Well, he's the surprise choice. Literally dozens of names had been linked to the job since Reinsdorf and Paxson dumped Scott Skiles on Christmas Eve. Collins wasn't one of them. And who among us doesn't love a surprise?

Yeah, but is this a good surprise or a bad surprise?

Answer: For the short term, at least, it could be good.

Collins is a "fixer." He takes over bad situations, as he did with the Bulls in 1986 and the Detroit Pistons in 1995, and he makes things better.

He also has a reputation for developing young players. Examples: Jordan, Pippen and Grant in Chicago; Grant Hill and Lindsey Hunter in Detroit.

Then again, the intense Collins always has been a short-term fix. His players fairly quickly tune him out, just as the Bulls quit on the intense Skiles.

Collins' most recent coaching gig, with Washington during Jordan's ill-fated comeback of 2001-03, resulted in neither playoff appearances nor improved youngsters. (The latter could have had more to do with Jordan's win-now philosophy.)

Because it's unlikely any coach will turn the Bulls into legitimate contenders instantly, Collins at least will stir things up. He figures to have a positive effect on Derrick Rose (assuming Chicago drafts the hometown point guard), and it will be interesting to see how Collins handles immature knuckleheads Tyrus Thomas and Joakim Noah.

No doubt, Collins often will wonder what he's gotten himself into. The Bulls have numerous problems even a fixer won't fix easily: a logjam of guards who aren't as good as they think they are, no post presence and several head-cases.

Odds are, Collins will rejoin Marv Albert on TNT within three years. If those seasons go particularly poorly, Paxson could be back calling games on radio.

That would be OK, too. Both were among the best analysts around. And, don't forget: Jackson will be in place, ready to work with his pal, new/old GM Jerry Krause, to usher in Threepeat No. 3.

Mike Nadel (mikenadel@sbcglobal.net) is the Chicago sports columnist for GateHouse News Service. Read his blog, The Baldest Truth, at www.thebaldesttruth.com.