Clintons to Open New All-Inclusive Resorts Called ‘Scandals’

LITTLE SAINT JAMES – What do you do if your last name is Clinton and you don’t have anything to do now that the election is over? You open a chain of Caribbean, luxury resorts called “Scandals,” of course. You didn’t think they were just going to sit on all that campaign slush money from the Clinton Foundation, did you?

The site of the first Scandals will be located on Clinton pedophile friend Jeffrey Epstein’s Caribbean island called Little Saint James, also known as “Orgy Island.” There, guests will be able to spend lots of money and engage in all kinds of scandalous behavior.

Wanting to maintain the Clinton theme for the resort, Scandal’s Director of Sales, Robbie Mook – who was recently fired from his job by the American people – said, “Scandals are what the Clinton’s know best. It’s their comfort zone. So we plan on living up to their low standards with our amenities.”

“There will be fancy pools, restaurants, boutiques and spas, yes. But we will also offer our guests sex with minors, unsecure wi-fi and emailing services – which are very prone to hacking, I might add – and transportation you can be shoved into, should you happen to develop instantaneous pneumonia while staying with us.”

In addition, guests will be able to attend seminars where they can learn how to start their own (charitable?) foundations, embezzle money, and how to use the legal system as a shield by running for president, should your crimes see the light of day. And, of course, the latest yoga routines will be taught to those interested in finding out how Hillary maintains her athletic figure.