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He’s Gonna Grow Out of It

I’ve decided that this thing with L has got to be a phase, that he’s going to grow out of it. I’ve decided this because any other alternative is unthinkable. Lately I have found myself missing L. He can be standing right in front of me but I’m missing the him from a year ago, from a year and a half ago. This child in front of me is not the same person. This has to be a phase because I’m supposed to adore my son. I used to. But I’m finding it harder and harder to adore the person who is constantly mistreating me.

I know it sounds absurd to talk about being mistreated by a 3.5 year old. I feel absurd saying it. But yesterday, as we were unloading the car from a weekend away, and I had my hands full of so many bags and I asked L to open the door for me, he opened the door, stepped inside and as I stepped forward he slammed it in my face. Slammed the door right in my face. I have to live with a person who has this little respect for me. I spend my life taking care of a person who feels that it’s OK to slam a door in my face. Of course he was swiftly dealt with but the impact remained with me.

My son hates me. Don’t bother telling me that he’s just testing his limits blah blah blah. I know all of this. Don’t bother telling me that this behavior wouldn’t fly in your house because it doesn’t fly here either, trust me. But it persists.

So last night T had a big talk with L explaining that I am the most important person to him (T) and that L had better treat me with more respect. This morning, my child who used to always say please and thank you (they were some of his first words), stomped his foot at me and demanded his breakfast. I sent him to his room and on his way he made sure I heard him call me “stupid mommy.” WTF??? He’s 3 not 15.

6 Responses

I would love to say it most definitely will get better but I can’t 100% say that to you. It gets better in some ways and worse in others.

My (now) 8yo was my pride a joy. I just LOVED being at home with her. Up until she was about 2.5, I could honestly say to you that the good outweighed the bad ten-fold and that I just loved being her mummy. People talk of the terrible 2’s but honestly, they were a piece of cake compared to the troublesome 3’s.
She went from being this little ray of magical constant laughter and fun cheekiness to this destructive, manic, moody and near on impossible child.
I hated being around her. I hated trying to find nice things to do with her because I resented her. The guilt I’d feel all day from not liking my child even a little bit was unbearable.

It does get better, they become more flexible and before you know it, reasoning with them isn’t quite the challenge it once was.
She’s hitting the tween attitude at the moment so basically she’s a teenager in a child’s body and sometimes I want to slap her but we cope. I can talk to her now. I send her to her room when we’re not dealing with one another and go in after 5-10 to sit and chat about what just happened.
She’s more responsive and we manage to get through most days without either or both of us going to bed not happy with the other.

It’s tough but you’ll get through it. It is just a phase which means, yay, you’ve got some resolution to look forward to.

Oh my gosh, I feel for you! I thought the same with my kids, waiting for the terrible twos to quickly pass. They’re followed by the selfish threes! As a parent it takes A LOT of resilience and consistency to make your child understand that you deserve respect. But if you instill that respect every day, it will eventually sink in, I promise you! For months on end, I asked my kids to help out pick up their toys and they would refuse, every time. Now, sometimes they help when I ask, and others, they do it without me asking!

Your honesty is refreshing. It is a phase, but just as he gets out of this one another one hits 😦
I found that 3 was MUCH harder than 2. I read an interesting article that said the “half’s” (2.5, 3.5, 4.5, etc) are harder than when they just turn 2, 3, 4. etc.
I have found this to be true with my kids. My kids are 18 months apart, so I always have one in a “terrible” phase. As soon as that kid becomes the good kid, the other one starts testing me. I love my kids with all my heart, but parenthood is over rated. The first time my son, said I hate you, broke my heart, but his anger didn’t last long. Just remember that they are as funny, as they are, frustrating and wonderful and loving, as they are bad and challenging. Hugs to you!

I have twins and I HATED when they were three – three and a half. My daughter would yell that I was the “baddest mommy in the world” and they actually locked a babysitter out of the house and laughed at her (she never came back). It was right up there with when they were colicy infants together. For me, life got brighter when they turned four. At four and a half, I started to think that maybe it was possible that they weren’t little psychopaths. At five I realized that liked them a majority of the time and at five and a half I really enjoy their company. I’m actually taking them on roadtrips to distant cities to see a new zoo or free exhibit…for fun! Crazy, I know. I’m dreading the next stage, because I know it will all go to hell. All I can do is soak up the good days and hope that I can remember this one great summer when it all falls apart. I know it’s little consolation now; but, you’re not doing anything wrong and hopefully soon, it’ll get better.

This is great to hear. I actually have moments when I can see the future (the hopefully future) L peak through the 3.5 yo L. Lately he’s had some bright moments which give me so much hope. 4 has got to be better than 3. It just has to.

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I've learned that motherhood is a series of shocks and disappointments, disgusting things under my fingernails, horrifying smells and constant irritation. There’s all the joy too, but that’s the stuff you’ve already heard about. Here’s the stuff that you might not hear about.