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Miscarriage one behind us, it was time to try for Gowden Child #2 again. Come early January, sure enough…there was a positive pregnancy test. Celebration all around…but a little muted this time. We felt optimistic and things were good….till they weren’t.

Heidi was accepted into the EAGeR study. It was the study of aspirin on the effects birth rates. They were checking to see if a baby aspirin could help with conception. Apparently, it didn’t hurt.

Something you have to know about my wife. She knows her cycle. Open her calendar and there’s little dots every couple of weeks. ‘Hon, what are there little periods for…OOOOOHHHHH!!!!” So, she KNEW when she was due and when to test. She also called our doc. He ordered the hCG bloodwork and the first couple of results came back. Low…but not terrible. And not quite doubling every 24 hours like they’re supposed to. Heidi remained a pin cushion for a few more days and it became obvious, her numbers were not tracking the way they should and something was wrong.

This one was quick. It’s funny, we went out for our friend’s (who was still pregnant) husband’s 40th birthday that weekend and drank like fish. Like…some serious liver damage because we were angry and sad and just didn’t care. Heidi felt strange because technically she was still pregnant and you’re not supposed to drink…especially the way we were, but come Monday, the pregnancy would be over and it’s not like she was going to do any more damage!!!

This is called Wandering the Wilds for a reason. We found ourselves in so many situations we just weren’t prepared for. A positive pregnancy test for most couples trying to have a family is a joyous celebration. For us, now “that’s great…lets get another hour of sleep and hopefully this one will work out.” When do you tell people? We’ve kinda’ cried wolf twice…and we know it’s a bummer when we have to tell you things ended badly. Oh, and in the absence of information and explanations, you kinda’ create your own. “Maybe we shouldn’t put the laptops on our laps anymore?” “Maybe we should take this (or that) vitamin.” Then there’s the joke that she flunked out of the EAGeR study!

Let me pause here for some mad props to my Heidi. The D&E was on Monday and on Tuesday, Giada was taken the hospital with respiratory infection. I was at work all day (our choice…I could have taken the time,) and that left Heidi to hang out at the hospital for 4 days and carry the burden of the situation…48 hours after another dreadful experience. Her strength has never ceased to amaze me.

That’s something I want to close with. Life goes on, regardless of how you feel here. Had we experienced the loss of living, breathing child (God forbid), would we have had the discussion about me going to work while G was in the hospital? Would she have been alone at all in the hospital or would the family have swarmed in, making sure her needs were being met? Mind you, we weren’t forgotten; our families have always been supportive. But there’s just something different about this.

Like this:

We had our first daughter with no problems. Second month of trying, slipped one past the goalie and 9 months later, there’s little Giada. “This is easy!” we thought. We wanted at least one more kid and planned on waiting till G was a bit older, 2 years old or so. Right before her second birthday we started trying again, and sure enough, the second month, SCORE! Come April of 2009 she’d be a big sister! Heidi called her friend, G’s Godmother and told her the great news. She thought ‘Hey, I’m a few days late, come to think of it…” and soon they were cheering on the phone ‘We’re gonna be pregnant together AGAIN!!!!” (their first daughter and G are 2 months apart.)

We got this pregnancy thing figured out.

We headed in for the first ultrasound, planned on seeing a little circle with a piece of rice inside, and tiny flashing thing…the heartbeat.

Here’s the first time you feel completely alone in a hospital full of people. The techs aren’t really qualified (on paper) to tell you anything. They’re there to take measurements and leave the explanation to your doctor. We kinda’ knew what to look for…I think any second time parent knows, and we didn’t see a baby. We saw an empty sac. ‘This is a blighted ovum!” Heidi whispered to me…panic setting in for both of us. The Tech had gone into all business mode and was doing things as fast as she could. “You’ll have to talk to your doctor” was all she’d say to us. Then she packed up, told Heidi to get dressed and vanished.

Fear, confusion, sadness festered in that room. We had a worst-case idea of what was going on, but no direction, no guidance…no idea what came next. Our awesome doc told us that it was early, there’s no clear reason to panic, and to get some hCG level testing done. If the numbers are doubling, Heidi’s conception math was off. If not, we’ll take things from there.

They didn’t double. We had a sac with no baby. Heidi and her friend weren’t going to be pregnant together. G wasn’t going to be a big sister yet.

We opted for a quick D&E procedure and were home later that day. Think about any time you’ve suffered a loss of a family member. The family kinda’ converges around you, there’s meat trays and bagel baskets. You’re not alone in any way. That’s not the case for miscarriage. Sure, our families were supportive and made sure there was nothing we needed. But we found ourselves going about our usual Friday night routine. G was at my folks, we were free to do whatever we wanted. Wings? Beers? Target? How about a movie? Yeah, let’s see Tropic Thunder, something funny and get our minds off things.

We didn’t laugh. I try not to blame the film. We went to visit a friend at work. What do you say? “Hey, how’s your day? We had a miscarriage and D&E…like you do.” It was a lonely feeling.

Our doc was good, he told us that we didn’t do anything wrong. We didn’t cause this, it wasn’t or fault. That helped us move forward and start thinking about trying this all again. We did it once, quite successfully, why shouldn’t we be successful again? This miscarriage thing…bad roll of the dice. We’ll do better next time.

Like this:

Every year my lovely wife and I give a presentation at our local medical college. Her OB is a teacher there and the dude knows pregnancy inside and out. We, after one happy, healthy little girl, began the difficult task of finding our way through life after miscarriages (yes, plural). When all was said and done, our doc asked if we’d like to share our story to his students so they could see the human side of miscarriage. They’ll all be fluent in the clinical part; what to explain, what to offer, what the potential causes may have been. Knowing what to say to a parent who just lost a pregnancy is something completely different.

A couple who are experience a miscarriage are experiencing the loss of a child. Is it the same as the loss of a child at age 1, 10, 40? Is it the same as a late term stillbirth? I don’t know. I know there was a positive pregnancy test and a baby book for each of ours. I know we’d discussed names and made wishful plans with friends (“Ooooh! Your baby to be, and ours will be almost the same age! That’ll be so cool for them!!!”) In an instant all that is taken away.

I’m going to take a few posts and share with you what we share with the class. I’m not posting this for sorry, pity or likes; I’m posting this to be shared with those who may go through this as well, to be learned from…what to say and what not to say….and most importantly, to give some direction where we had so little.

Like this:

Take 30 seconds and check out this pretty funny, but really NSFW (language) clip from the film Office Space.

This scene has been rattling around in my brain for a few weeks. At a time when I should be making resolutions for the new year, am I focusing on the right things, the right way?

Do I want to lose weight? Sure. Do I want to spend more time with family and friends? Of course. Do I want to learn some new skills? Absolutely! Do I need a million dollars to do those? Does a new year make it easier? Is there really any good reason why I didn’t do them last year?

If my goal was to sit around all day, what would that look like? Wake up, “I should go to work….but that means I can’t sit around all day.” I skip work. “I should go work out, got that Trifecta coming up! Er…no, this chair reclines.” I make these choices as they come…will this next decision help me or hinder me with my goal?

I already have my goals. Spartan Trifecta, get my app built and published and do more boardgaming. Do I need to resolve to accomplish them? No! I need only to make them a priority over the gazillion things I let distract myself.

In a way, all I’m doing is giving myself permission to enjoy the benefits of the life I’ve worked for; College, 20 years with the same company, my beautiful wife and 2 equally beautiful daughters and our dream home. I can game with them, go for runs with them and test my app on them. I don’t need ANYTHING special…I just need to get off my duff and accomplish the things I want. It’s that simple.

So, ditch the mental clutter and write down a couple of goals for 2016. Maybe put them on post it notes through your home, workspace, etc where you’ll see them and be reminded of them. Don’t resolve to do anything but make choices that get you closer to them. Focus on the right things….the real goals and day to day, hour to hour, make good decisions.

Like this:

As a child of the 70’s, Star Wars is pretty much in my DNA. As a father to two young girls and an admirer of creativity, Disney is a Mecca. I visited Disney World last week and wondered how I’d feel now that the Mouse owns the Jedi and Sith.

Upon arrival at our hotel (Port Orleans, French Quarter) we walked through the gift shop and I noticed the BB-8 rice cookies. They held about as much shelf space as the Anna and Elsa ones, hinting that Disney is well away of its target demographics. Trips to EPCOT that day and Magic Kingdom the next revealed plenty of Star Wars merchandise and hundreds of patrons wearing thematic t-shirts (yeah, I had 2 of my own…so I’m not capable of tossing stones here.)

To be honest, as an eternal fan of Star Wars, it was strange seeing so many soccer moms and dads in ‘Judge me by my size do you?” shirts. There was a level of geekiness I’ve never seen in a public place like this. Things like this have traditionally been only seen at conventions…not family vacations.

We trekked (ha!) to our right as soon as we arrived and found the old animation area labeled clearly with Star Wars. Ok, so, I was having a nerdgasm…I mean, I’m 43 and have been waiting…oh…38 years for something like this!!!

There were First Order troopers walking about. We entered and saw replica props; lightsabers, Slave-1, the FALCON!!! Full scale Rey’s speeder, costumes….a shrine to all that is awesome.

We walked into common area that branched off for whichever meet and greets were going on, only to see two Jawas mulling about. One stole my daughter’s toy lightsaber and offered her a droid leg in return. After a few minutes of play, and her saber back in hand, we got to see a Sabacc table where Han won the Falcon, the chess table where 3PO “let the Wookie win” and the Cantina bar with 3 glasses of blue milk.

Heaven for a geek.

Our first goal was the meet Darth Vader. We waited in a short line and soon found ourselves with the surly, Sith Lord. Look, I know it’s a tall guy in a suit, but between the cold attitude of the attendants/cast members, the James Earl Jones soundboard he was using, and the fact he was at least 7 feet tall….I was uncomfortable! I could not wait to get out of that room…nor could my wife! (note: she almost forgot her purse in her hurry to leave. note 2: She’s never seen the movies!!!)

After that we hit the gift shop and checked out the rest of the park. Star Tours has been updated to include a Jakku scene and there are a few new photo ops (speeder bike) in the area.

We went back later in the trip to meet Chewbacca.

Me and Chewbacca

Chewie was a 180 from Darth Vader. He gave my wife a hug, put furry arms on my girls’ shoulders and grunted and growled happily. I happen to have a killer Wookie growl in my bag o’tricks and unleashed my own howls and grunts. He ate it up, pointing and showing open body language. The cast members were laughing as we high-fived, fist bumped and posed. It was so much fun!!!!

And yes, he’s also huge and could be intimidating…but, c’mon, it’s CHEWBACCA!!!!

As we walked around we saw more First Order troopers and heard that Greedo is also a roaming character. Didn’t see him though.

Heidi, my lovely wife, determined we needed to meet Lord Vader again and redeem ourselves. So into line we went once again. Both of us were nervous, but this visit went much different.

Vader accused my oldest daughter of being a rebel spy, she giggled. I got gutsy after the pics. “Lord Vader, do you mind pretending to Force Choke me while I jump? (turning to the photog) Get a shot of me in the air and it’ll look like he’s using the Force to lift me off the ground. They all obliged.

Running afoul of a Sith Lord.

So, how do I feel about Disney having Star Wars in its parks now?

At first it was weird to see the swag and merchandise there. They paid 9 gazillion dollars for the licensing, so, I can’t blame them. In reality, it’s not THAT much more than has been there for a few years…it’s just more people are wearing the shirts and hats. I think that was more distracting to me than anything.

Once I saw what they’re doing in Hollywood Studios and that Star Wars has a clear home there with little creep into other parks (not a single character meet and greet or show in any of the other parks), any concerns and discomfort went away. Star Wars is, first and foremost, a film franchise. That belongs in Hollywood Studios, and it appears that’s where it will stay.

I entered with some concern for the ‘magic’ of Disney being overrun with the Force, and left confident that everything is right where it should be.

Like this:

There’s an informal fallacy called the Fallacy of Relative Privation. Simply put, when you say ” had such a hard day at work.” and someone responds “Hey, my grandfather worked 16 hour days on his hands and knees in the coal mines…your day wasn’t THAT hard.” you should stop talking to them because they’re minimizing your argument by presenting a worst case scenario.

But, I think you need to head down this path a bit to appreciate and be thankful for what you really have. There’s always someone worse off than you, and it doesn’t hurt to reflect on your blessings (no matter how grand or meager they may seem to you) and give thanks. So, as an exercise for me, a celebration of the holiday, and a formal declaration and thank you to those involved, here’s what I am thankful for.

My family. My lovely wife, amazing little girls, parents, sister and in laws. Without them I would be (at best) lost and (at worst) unable to enjoy the rest of the items in this list.

Karch and Kona, my cats. Karch has been with me for 16 years and shows no signs of slowing down. Kona is 2 and reminds me what life with a kitten is like. I think she also keeps Karch young.

My job. Yeah, I love and hate it alternately on any given day….but who doesn’t feel that way about their job. I’m fortunate enough to usually get to do things I love (tech and teaching) and do it with some pretty cool people.

My friends. Old friends, many of whom are surrogate brothers and sisters for me, and new ones, who week to week keep me from being a hermit. This includes the college friends who I don’t see or talk to nearly enough, and the neighbors who have made our development an amazing place to live.

My home. We built our dream house, ’nuff said.

My goals. Some will be achieved, and some will fuel forward progress. No matter, I’m thankful that I can consistently set new goals for myself and work toward them.

Like this:

3 weeks in and I feel better. Hit a major milestone last week; crushed a sandbag workout! I’m also doing things with the heavy sandbag that were impossible this past August. By any measure I’m seeing improvement.

I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting; why am I so concerned with fitness, weight, and racing? It’s really pretty simple: eating right and exercising make everything you do better. I love how I feel the day after a good workout and when I’ve been fueling my body right. I also know how lousy I feel when I skip a workout and treat my body like a frat house.

I do this because it feels good to bend and crawl on the floor with the kids. I do this because taking the stairs 2 at a time can be fun (remember when it was cool to be able to do it as a kid???) I do this because I know a better version of myself is on the other side of the next workout.

I’m currently studying for the NSCA-CPT exam. Kinda’ something I’ve always been interested in, and…I’ll leave my motivations for a later post. Anyway, I’ve been reading a lot about the science of how our muscles and body react to exercise and it’s pretty fascinating. We’re a very complex machine that needs to be appropriately and adequately fueled and equipped.

So think about your body like a machine or device you use daily. Exercise helps you upgrade your hardware. Makes your bones stronger, muscles bigger and stronger, tendons, joints, etc all see improvement (usually.) Diet lets you control the type of fuel that runs the machine! Every start a lawnmower with last years gas? Ever spray some ether into the carburetor? See where I’m going with this? The geek in me is loving hacking my exercise and diet to get more out of my body!

I know that everyone has their own diet and exercise preferences. I’m not here to suggest you change them. I am going to suggest you spend a week or two tracking your diet and exercise and mood, alertness and how tired you are. Some things I’ve seeing: More than 2 beers or glasses of wine and I’m sluggish the next day. No veggies, or only one meal with veggies, and I’m just not right. Too many sweets and I’m irritable…like my skin is crawling. When I work up a real good sweat with a workout, my mood is improved substantially for the rest of the day. 2 or 3 days without a workout and I’m miserable.

So why am I doing this? Because I’ve had a taste of how good fit feels and I want that back. And I have 2 little girls who love doing it with me.

Like this:

When I was a kid, Radio Shack was the coolest store. I didn’t understand most of what I saw, but there were parts for electronics and computers and stereos all over. You didn’t have to buy a computer, you could BUILD IT. Keep in mind, this was the late 70’s and early 80’s when the homebrew computer movement was still alive to a degree. People just knew how to do things like solder and measure amps and volts and manipulate them to make LEDs glow.

Quick, how many people under 50 do you know, who even own a soldering gun?

Sad isn’t it? I know the world has changed and computing has changed, but look at what’s happened to us! 30 years ago, if your radio broke, you either fixed it yourself or took it to someone who could. If your phone breaks today, what happens? Judging by the number of people I see with cracked screens, you suck it up and live with it till your contract is up. There are places that will do the repairs. often for a sizable amount. We’ve chosen to either live with it or dispose of it.

I ran into this decision last week when my iPhone stopped charging. Paying $600 for a new one was out of the question. I could get my old 3G up and running and have a phone for the next 6 weeks. I could do without. I could get the charging port replaced for about $100.

I didn’t like any of these. So I hit up YouTube and found this video. Wow…that looked so easy! I hit Amazon for some parts, new charging port for $5 and a new batter for $20, plus the tools. For less than $30 I’d have the parts to replace my charger AND my 2 year old battery that never seemed to last long enough. But, could I do it???

Yup. Took about an hour, but the phone was back up and running and working just as it had been. Charges, has a better (still not great) battery life, and reaffirms to me that our electronics should NOT be disposable.

There’s movement out there: The Makers. In a lot of ways, it reminds me of what I thought Radio Shack was…a bunch of people buying cool looking parts to make their stuff do even cooler stuff. What it really is, though, is owning their technology and not being afraid of it. Most of us took basic electronics in school, and promptly were encouraged to forget it because Mom and Dad were NOT going to let you crack open the VCR or brand new computer running Windows 3.1. Schools don’t offer much more…unless your on a vo-tech plan.

Heck, if it weren’t for my Dad and 7th grade wood shop, I wouldn’t know how to use a table saw, router or drill press.

Ok, I’m trailing from my point. Not everyone has the courage to crack open their phone and fix the insides. But more of us should. It’s not difficult; the internet makes it easier that it would have been 30 years ago (no circuit diagrams to figure out.) If you don’t want to, you should know someone willing to. There used to ALWAYS been that guy who could fix radios and toasters, etc. Where are they now?

Break the upgrade cycle. Break the disposable device cycle. Break your device and learn how to fix it. You’ll be a better person for it!

Like this:

Sometimes, you need to sit on things awhile before you comment on them. This year’s Palmerton Spartan Race is one of them.

Holy Crap on the Cracker!

One does not simply do a Spartan Race. If you’ve done a Warrior Dash, the local YMCA mudrun, and a couple of benefit 5ks, you can finish a Spartan Sprint….but it will have its way with you. Just being clear here…these things are tough.

This was my 4th race and I knew what to expect. Spartan Race has a ‘be prepared for anything’ attitude, and they mean it. There’s always a new obstacle or 3, different layout of the course, and fun ‘challenges’ along the way…you know, like hiking for 2 miles up a double diamond ski slope. You get to the top and breathe a sigh of relief that it’s all downhill from there. No, no it’s not. It never is. You’re going to descend through highly technical terrain, get wet, get muddy, scare yourself (if you’re lucky) and finish with the right to be REALLY obnoxious about it for at least a week.

Spartan Race, to me, has trouble balancing the “We want to get people off their couches” philosophy, with the “THIS RACE ISN’T HARD ENOUGH. IMO DRAG A TIRE WITH ME” meatheads. Some volunteers seem to want to mess with you, and they suck the fun right out of the race. There’s one punk with a megaphone at the bucket o’rocks carry who was asking for an airborne bucket of rocks in his direction. Then there were the volunteers yelling “You’re not going to do burpees on this. You’re going to make it over, you can do it.” They’re also cagey with the exact distance of the race. Advertised as 3+ miles, I’ve been told everything from 4.9 to 5.5 miles.

None of the obstacles were THAT difficult. I bailed on the rope climb because I was just SO tired. I landed the spear for the second year in a row (my trick, just. throw. hard.) The Hercules Hoist was a real challenge: For a brief moment I wasn’t sure I could do it. I’m disappointed there was no water slide this year. The Tire Pull was fun.

I took issue with the cargo net monkey bars at the end. You’re suspended about 10 feet over water (maybe 3 feet deep?) and mud. Hand over hand it across the cargo net and ring the bell; then drop. First, that’s a scary drop. I wonder how many injured ankles came out of there. Second: it’s one of the last obstacle in a very tough race. It’s where the spectators are….you don’t want to fail in front of your family. When I let go, I was mad at myself and Spartan Race. Finally, if most people are failing the obstacle, AND the obstacle is at the end, maybe it’s not right for the homestretch.

I limped to the finish line thanks to some leg cramps. Surprisingly, I saw a TON of people with cramps this year. I emptied my Camelbak twice, had 3 GU packs plus electrolyte tabs. I was greeted with a medal (1/3 of the Trifecta medal is attached this year), plenty of water, bananas, power bars, protein shakes and my lovely wife, daughter, and good friends Ed and Darlene.

Spartan Race needs to beef up their after-race party. Props on the choice NOT to make the free beer Miller Lite (like last year.) They have to give people a reason to stick around afterwards, though. They need a better party/festival atmosphere. For spectators, I’m told it’s brutal. Once you check out the handful of vendors, there’s NOTHING to do. For the price we pay, and the fact there’s a steep spectator fee, there really should be something more than ‘watch out for the muddy people.’

Am I doing it again? Of course. That feeling at the finish line energizes you in a way you have to experience to understand. I’m a Spartan, and that means something to me.

Like this:

This past weekend, my wonderful wife and I celebrated out 10th wedding anniversary in NY’s Finger Lakes region. We hit many of the local wineries, had an amazing time, and picked up some fun memories. A lot of the wineries tend to blur together…partially due to the wine, but partially due to how they don’t really stand out from one another. But, there were a few and I’m going to digress from the usual tech and fitness stuff and sprinkle in a few posts about wineries that really stood out for us.

Maybe it’s because I’m a trainer, maybe it’s how I’m wired; I’m always looking at how information is conveyed. I’m observing how I or the crowd is being taught. I got to see it done brilliantly at Silver Thread Vineyard.

You’ve heard people say “I don’t like wine” or “I only like red wine.” You’ve probably also seen a stereotypical wine snob taste a wine and tell you where the grapes were grown, the type of soil, etc. Silver Thread helps get you past the first, and strangely enough on the path to being the second!

How? A Riesling Flight!

One of their options is to taste 4 of their Rieslings, each from a different vineyard. One vineyard has a lot of mineral content, another is close to the lake, another is from a commercial vineyard and I don’t recall what (if anything) was unique about the other.

If you say you don’t like wine, chances are you haven’t had it in the right circumstances. You had cheap stuff, maybe someone’s grandfather’s homemade jet fuel (not that THAT’S a bad thing), or one of the big 3 out of California: Chardonnay, Cabernet and Merlot. (I’ll be honest, I’m not a big fan of Cabs or Merlot. I thought I wasn’t a wine drinker because of them.)

When you taste the first Riesling, you taste Riesling; usually a bit sweet, crisp like a tart apple, maybe some pear flavors or a floral aroma. Then you taste the next and HEY! How’s that a Riesling from here when it’s clearly a different wine!?!? That’s where the magic starts to happen. You taste the first again…Hmm, this is almost citrusy where (sipping the second) this one isn’t. Maybe it’s the minerals you’re tasting? Move onto the third. Okay, now you’re just completely messing with me!

You just tasted 4 of the exact same wine variety, from the same winery, but from different vineyards. You can taste the difference from vineyard to vineyard and know why they taste that way. You’re on the path to being a wine snob. Never thought THAT would happen, did you? When you think about it, it does make sense. Do all burgers taste the same? Does every vanilla ice cream taste exactly the same? No, and why should wines?

Silver Thread is a small winery that does a huge service to its customers; it teaches them something about wine. So many wineries shuffle you through like cattle, giving you whatever they can pour as fast as they can pour, it’s a treat to visit a place that wants to make good wine and good wine drinkers.