The Ridiculous Business Jargon Dictionary: S-words

Do you wonder where your co-workers picked up all the ridiculous things they say? From fresh-faced interns to top management, everyone drops one of these gems occasionally. We can only hope that you're not here to actually add buzzwords to your vocabulary.

Sacred cow [n.]

A program or product that may be unprofitable, but cannot be questioned.

Sacrifice [v.]

Yet another gentle name for firing people. "We'll have to sacrifice a few customer service positions."

Safe harbor [n.]

The office bathroom. Often the only place to find a moment of peace at work.

Salesblazer [n.]

The main way that tech and artist types dress up their jeans-based style when meeting clients or presenting.

Salt mine [n.]

Menial work.

Sandbag [v.]

1) An unethical attack. 2) A tactic used by salespeople where closing a sale is purposely delayed into the next month to improve their overall commission.Suggested by Ryan.

Sausage and the sizzle [exp.]

Used by sales when comparing substance (sausage) versus marketing spin (sizzle). "John you've got the sausage, but where's the sizzle?"Suggested by Guy from Melbourne.

Scab [n.]

A union term for undesirables such as strikebreakers and non-union employees.

Scarlet letter [n.]

A symbol of shame.

Scooby Snacks [n.]

Token compensation. "The gift certificates they gave us instead of a Christmas bonus were total scooby snacks."

Scope creep [n.]

The tendency of a project's purpose to expand to suit the ambitions of the pushiest stakeholder.Suggested by Ellen B.

Screw the pooch [v.]

To avoid doing anything productive. "Are you going to sit there and screw the pooch all day?"Suggested by Natalie R.

Scrub [n.]

An entry-level employee. Usually replaceable.

Scuttlebutt [n.]

Gossip or rumors.

Sea legs [n.]

The point when a new arrangement becomes stable and comfortable. "We're still establishing our freemium sea legs…"

Seamless [adj.]

Describes a system so well integrated that it seems like a contiguous whole. Even if it's all held together with paperclips and chewing gum inside.Suggested by Robert S.

Second .coming [n.]

The re-emergence of Internet business as a viable way to make money.

Security theater [n.]

A very visible display of security to compensate for a true lack of it.

Sense check [v.]

The process of ensuring that something 'makes sense'. "Can you sense check the second paragraph? Not sure if I'm being clear."Suggested by Simon H.

Serial entrepreneur [n.]

A person who starts several (not necessarily successful) business ventures.

Serving suggestion [n.]

A recommended quantity (not food related). "Hit me up with a serving suggestion on the social media ad buy."Suggested by B. Potter.

Shanghaied [adj.]

1. Forced to work a job on a ship overseas.2. Forced to watch your job as it's shipped overseas (to China).

Sheep dip [n.]

A tedious corporate briefing where attendance is mandatory and recorded for all employees.Suggested by Paul K.

Sheep it [v.]

To follow a ridiculous company policy without complaint.Suggested by Kevin.

Shelfware [n.]

Purchased or developed software that is never actually used. "150 grand later and all we've got to show for it is a fancy piece of shelfware."Suggested by Gordon M.

Shield time [n.]

The time spent in a vehicle (behind a windshield) with a coworker or boss.

Shirt size [n.]

The quantity of effort required to complete a task, recorded as S, M, L, etc. "Sprint kicks off tomorrow, did you clear that shirt size with the scrum master?"Suggested by Geraldo.

Shoot the puppy [v.]

To take an unpopular action. "We have to shrink the department, but I don't want to be the one to shoot the puppy this time."Suggested by Graham.

Shotgun approach [n.]

A wide, untargeted strategy.

Shoulder tap [n.]

An informal request made in passing. A good reason to avoid the boss in the elevator, hallway, kitchen, parking lot, and the bathroom. Especially the bathroom.Suggested by Fuehrer.

Show coach [n.]

A manager who claims to lead by example.Suggested by Thomas L.

Show pony [n.]

Someone who superficially presents well but lacks real depth. "The conference floor was nothing but show ponies and booth babes."Suggested by Tony.

Shrink [n.]

Retail losses from shoplifters.

Sidebar [n.]

A whispered conversation between co-workers during a meeting or presentation. "Don't let me interrupt your little sidebar ladies, but we have 30 more slides to get through."Suggested by Trickyn.

1) To estimate. 2) To conceive an idea; brainstorm. "Let's run through your sales deck and spitball a new angle."

SPOC [n.]

Single Point Of Contact. "I'll have my SPOC get in touch with your SPOC."

Spokesweasel [n.]

A public relations agent.

Squeeze the sponge [v.]

To extract every last bit of knowledge that an employee gained during a company-funded training event. "Let's review your conference notes. I want each department to sit down with you and squeeze the sponge."Suggested by Jon F.

SSSD [n.]

Same Shit Same Day. Working the third shift often means leaving at 6AM and returning the same calendar day at 10PM, only to encounter the SSSD.Suggested by JC.

Stakeholder management [v.]

The art of acquiring enough opinions from people, groups, or leaders within a company to deflect blame if a project doesn't meet expectations.Suggested by Laurie R.

Stakeholdering [v.]

The process of seeking support, approval, or clients for an upcoming project. "I spent the entire Christmas party stakeholdering upper management on my Q1 initiatives."

Stall nap [n.]

A short, pants-optional sleep taken in the office bathroom.

Standing room only [exp.]

Where buyers are led to believe there are many others interested in an item.

Starter marriage [n.]

A brief first marriage ending in divorce.

Statistical massage [v.]

To present numbers in a way that conveys a desired message.

Stealth parenting [v.]

Running errands for your kids after telling your boss that you have a business obligation.

Stepford Worker [n.]

An employee that has bought the corporate party line completely and become an unthinking clone.

Stick to your knitting [v.]

1) To focus on one's main areas of business, often at the expense of other departments.
2) To be steadfast.

Stick-around [n.]

A meeting that takes place directly after another, in the same location. "We had a two hour stick-around after the project meeting yesterday."

Strap-on [v.]

To try something. "Before you judge my idea, why don't you strap it on for a while."

Strategic incompetence [n.]

Feigning an inability to complete a particularly boring or demeaning task.Suggested by EC Nottus

Strategic planning [n.]

Pointless tautology used when the word 'planning' doesn't quite sound impressive enough by itself.Suggested by Rob.

Stress puppy [n.]

A person who is continuously anxious and lives for any sympathy gained from complaining about it.

Stretch assignment [n.]

A project given to an employee that is just beyond their current skill level. Neatly avoids the cost of an actual promotion.Suggested by Robert

Sunset [v.]

To slowly retire a product line. "We need to sunset last year's model over the next two months."Suggested by Johnny P.

Sunshine enema [n.]

After massive layoffs, this is the spin campaign given to the remaining shell-shocked and fear-crippled employees.Suggested by Tom T.

Super [n.]

Supervisor, for those who are too lazy to say the whole word.

Surface [v.]

To raise an issue. "Don't forget to surface your concerns with the VPs."

Surplused [v.]

Yet another way to describe being fired. "We surplused a few people last week." Good lord.

Swampland in Florida/Arizona [n.]

A sarcastic offer made in response to perceived gullibility or ignorance. "If you believe that, I've got some prime swampland in Florida to sell you..."

Sweat equity [n.]

An intangible asset earned by the hardworking, under-paid employees of small start-up companies. "I know I can't exercise the options until next year, but the 80-hour weeks are building swequity."

Sweat the asset [v.]

Getting the most out of your hard-working employee. "Our productivity systems ensure that you sweat the asset to the max."Suggested by LW.

Sweetheart deal [n.]

An arrangement where existing clients receive more favorable terms than new clients.

Swim lane [n.]

1) A visual element showing task assignments in a process diagram.2) Field of responsibility. "Listen, client management just isn't in my swim lane.Suggested by Chad.

Sympvertizing [n.]

Advertising that attempts to sympathize and identify with the consumer.

Syndicate [v.]

To distribute a document or idea to collect feedback. "Make sure you syndicate that pitch deck to the whole cap table."Suggested by Ian S.