A coaching conversation I had with a pastor once revealed why he had engaged a coach. After several months of meeting — dealing with typical church issues, mostly dealing with how to grow his church — he finally asked me a personal question. It took quite awhile for the trust to be gained to get on a personal level. If the stats are true, most men and 90 something percent of pastors do not have anyone close enough to them to have a significant friendship. As we talk about in training, Aloneness is a major risk factor for planters. It increases potential for temptation, depression and anxiety. Gospel Story helps us unearth some of the stuff our Planter is wrestling with.

ONE HOW

When the pastor finally told me his personal concern had to do with him slipping into an addiction (he found himself finishing a bottle of wine every night just to relax and unwind) I had a couple of options.

I could simply ask more questions on top of the ones I asked about how he feels, what is going on in his mind, why he thinks he’s turned to wine to unwind? Or I could have given him the verses about not getting drunk with wine — the “don't get drunk” rule. Or I could have redirected our convo back to safer waters about his church and its growth barriers etc. The How of Gospel Coaching goes back to the Planter’s RPMS. There may be several key factors at play in his Relational, Personal, Missional, and Spiritual Life.

ONE WHAT

Our “what” is simple in our approach. Using C.R.O.S.S. as an intentional Gospel conversation, it allows us to explore at a friendship level. “It is impossible to overstate the immense need that people have to be really listened to and to be understood by at least one other person” (Tournier). Because it's a conversation, you do not have to just ask questions. You can speak into the Planter’s life. We can and should at times, give godly direction. Really listening to someone demands we respond with clarity and hope.