I wish to express my thanks to all those who have forwarded such informative e-mails. If it were not for you I would not know about rats in the glue on envelopes. I now have to get a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing for my tongue will never go there again. Also, I can no longer open a can of any kind without scrbbing the top.

I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your chain letters over the past ohhh, 10 years. You have made me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Because of you my fiends, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I do, however, drink Dr Pepper, since the people who make it are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Quaeda in disguise. I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan. I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice. I no longer have any sneakers, but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike. I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe. I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time). I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will now return the favor!

If you don't cut, paste and send this in an e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM (CST) this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician!

Chain letters to chain e-mails...hate them all...I keep telling my family to quit sending them to me..I just delete them..(Must be why I haven't won the lottery yet..LOL)My step-motherr sent me one about deleting a file that contained a virus from the registry of my computer...on futher investigation..It was a file thats a normal part of a Microsoft OS..I told her that but I don't think she appreciated it very much..But she did stop sending the damned things to me.

Oh the horror of chain-emails... Or the horror of the freaking commercial-mails. Argh!!! Why is it that I always get penis-enlargment-commercials in my email, I wonder??? And deals to buy cheap Viagra???? Do moonshade77 sound very masculine to anyone??? *grumbles*