They loved each other, they got married, they raised children, they worked hard, and their assets grew, creating substantial financial security for their families. Fifteen, twenty, thirty years later, they can no longer continue on that same road.

Many high-earning couples can afford to hire lawyers and start an adversarial process without really putting their lifestyle in jeopardy, but increasingly they are choosing mediation. Not that saving money in the process isn’t a good reason, but it is not the main reason. They want to work out their conflicts in a more peaceful and amicable way, and maintain as best they can a friendly relationship as they move into their separate lives.

Just a couple of weeks ago, I got a call from Paul, who was “shopping” for a mediator for himself and his wife, Rosa. His first words were, “My wife and I would like to move forward with our divorce while keeping on good terms. Can you help us?”

Paul and Rosa have been married 30+ years. Their children are in their mid 20s, and “almost” independent, as they told me (with a ray of hope in their eyes). Both Paul and Rosa are very high earners: he has a top position in a large firm, while she runs her own business. Over the years together, they have worked hard and accumulated many assets:

Pensions

Deferred compensation plans

Stock options in a growing company

Collectibles

Family home

Two vacation homes

Now they have to figure out how to sort through all of this, which will no doubt be overwhelming, and can create a lot of tension between the two of them.

The future they had planned is no longer the future they thought it would be. Separating many assets can be a source of conflict, as is separating few assets – but with high-earning couples, it requires many more decisions and hence, more complex divorce agreements.

With the input of other professionals, appraisers, business valuators, retirement asset specialists and their legal advisors, we helped Paul and Rosa create a plan where they both felt protected, and felt their children were protected as well. Now they could part ways feeling they had done their best with this difficult situation.

At their last mediation session, as they were going through the final review of their agreement, there was a sense of relief in the room. They had come through this process and were still connected to each other. As they parted ways, they gave each other a hug. I myself had to hold back a tear as I saw them leave – divided, but together.

Not all mediations result in an amicable relationship for the couple post-divorce, but there is a much higher chance of remaining friendly using mediation, than having two lawyers fight it out in court.

Do you have an amicable relationship with your ex? Please share your story with us in the “Leave a Reply” box below.

jennifer safian. divorce and family mediatordivorce and family mediation
upper east side of manhattan (nyc)
new york, ny
(212) 472-8626
info@safianmediation.com
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what people are saying

“Jennifer Safian is a remarkable mediator. She is able to combine realism and compassion and she brings both to the mediation table. Her intelligent and thoughtful approach empowers parties to be the very best they can be when crafting a divorce agreement, focusing on the best interests of all involved including the children.”– Jenny Besch, Director, Mediation Center Serving Westchester & Rockland Counties

“Thank you so much for your help through our separation. As difficult as it is, you have been such a calm and reassuring force.” – A.F.

“I wish I had known that mediation even existed before we went and spent all that time and money on legal fees and got nowhere. Thank you for helping us work things out in such a short time.”– B.

“Thank you Jennifer for guiding us through our mediation and divorce. I had no knowledge of what to do or expect. I was guilty of believing these myths. Thanks for a fightless, smooth agreement.”– Safian Mediation Client

“I wanted to thank you for being such a help in this situation. It might not seem like you’ve done much but just having you there in the room changed everything – really. I do understand that its not your job to take sides and that its important for you to remain impartial. I do wish it were possible to show you, though, how radically different that conversation was just because you were there listening.”– MB.

Mediation

Satisfaction For You Both

In mediation, you can be as creative as you wish to be. Only you know the specifics of your lives, what works for you and what does not. As your mediator, I’m there to help you “think outside of the box”, if necessary, sometimes coming up with non traditional answers, but answers that will satisfy not only your financial needs but your emotional needs as well.