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Alice Waters, Inc.

Wall Street Journal officials are tired of being pigeonholed as the paper of record for fat cats who obsess over their golf handicap between slapping their secretaries on the ass. They want to expand their readership to include women and guys who wear sweaters, so they need to rebrand their product. Enter Alice Waters, Berkeley's preeminent foodie and Chez Panisse proprietor. According to Adweek Magazine, Waters has agreed to pitch the paper in a new $15 million promotions campaign aimed at softening the Journal's image. No word yet on whether Waters will stress the paper's virtues as a garnish.