Diana Boggia: Putting house rules into effect for your child

Thursday

House rules: Do you have any? What are they? Does your child know what they are? Are they posted, or have they been talked about? Have your house rules been updated lately?

House rules: Do you have any? What are they? Does your child know what they are? Are they posted, or have they been talked about? Have your house rules been updated lately?

House rules are an effective way to let everyone know what you expect, and what is expected of them. House rules should be discussed, and posted with picture cues in a central location, for easy viewing — creatively constructed with a piece of poster board, which is cut into the shape of a big house.

Involve your child by inviting him to color in the front door, to match the same color of your front door. If you have shutters on your house, invite him to color them in and to write your house number on the front door. These initial steps will help your child to become invested in your new house rules.

Deciding the rules

Decide on two or three important, concrete rules which you want to implement in your home. Write your rules in positive language, expressing what you do want your child to do, rather than what you don’t want him to do.

Simple rules might include: “Dishes go into the sink,” “If it’s out, we share” or “Backpacks get filled and placed by the door at night.”

Draw pictures for a visual clue next to the rules, and invite your child to color them in. Or cut out magazine pictures to match each rule. If you’re feeling energetic and creative, take a photo of your child demonstrating each rule, such as, placing his dishes into the sink, playing and sharing with another child, and of his backpack near the door.

Children are multisensory learners, and will “buy in” or become more invested when they can help glue on the pictures. Those actual pictures of your child will help him fully comprehend the rules, and he undoubtedly will show his friends and family members the House Rules chart, which he made, with his photos.

Following the rules

It is important to start with concrete rules, and list things which he can actually do, or be responsible for. Whenever he remembers or complies with a rule, it is absolutely critical for you to give him a hug, as well as verbal recognition that he followed the rule.

When he does forget, and leaves his dishes at the table, or in the living room, all you need to say is “I didn’t see your dishes in the sink. House rules!” As soon as he jumps up to follow the rule, lay on the praise. Your love is his incentive.

Changing the rules

Parents often want to start their house rules with an abstract concept, such as “Be nice” or “Don’t argue.” Those are behaviors that need to be taught, every day, with consistent modeling, thoughtful teaching and positive reinforcement.

It is best to start with concrete rules, which have a picture to identify the desired behavior. Rules should be displayed for at least a month, to ensure that they have been learned. At the end of one month, review with your child, to see which ones he follows successfully. Replace an old, learned rule with a new one, and a new photo. Move the old photo to the back of the house, for safekeeping, in case your child needs a reminder.