Thursday, October 1. 2009

This is a heady and impetuous blog. Not light hearted or humorous. "Serious" does not adequately describe my tone. It references things of a moral nature, and I'll likely reference immoral situations in some manner. This blog is not a personal attack on anyone, but a condemnation of a way of life. I am reluctant to even write on this, but I am driven to. I have formulated a strong opinion on something, and this blog is where I state my opinions.

First I'll start by saying this: I am not perfect. I am flawed. I have sinned. I admit this freely. People close to me know I don't hide my sins. Not because I am not ashamed of them, but because I don't truly desire them in my life, so what reason do I have to hide them? If I hid them it would only make me a hypocrite. (note: "not hiding" is not the same as advertising.) So, here I am, an immoral person lecturing on morality. Christ said "For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged", which might make some critical of my doing this. But I have no fear.

I recently had time to converse with a long time acquaintance. I will not disclose his identity (after all, this is not a personal attack), and feel confident he is safe from being "found out" because of this, and I don't think speaking of him anonymously is a betrayal of his trust. We have talked many times, and we get along just fine. But in this recent discussion he opened up more about his life, and some of the details. Some things didn't bother me; do whatever you want. It doesn't affect me. Some things I disapproved of, but wrote off as something that still didn't affect me and that I couldn't change. But there were some things that quite honestly infuriated me. And I did judge.

"I can go 99% of the way and save that 1% for marriage"

He was advocating his life, which he seemed to have no regrets about. After all he was soon to have some fun with upwards of 4 girls in the same evening.

"I'll get married when I'm 40. I can wait. And have a LOT of fun along the way."

He was raised LDS, though I don't know how he does, or ever did, feel about the church or it's teachings. I had a hard time believing he actually believed them now. His dating life was highly sexual, including most things short of intercourse. Even this didn't bother me, as it is just "the way it is" out there in the world. Actually, tame for most universities in America given the "hookup culture" which has arisen. So what was it that bothered me? Why was I so peeved?

"Only a few of the girls I've been with have I not been their first going that far"

He wasn't picking up sluts and skanks, those who went that way because of a choice. He took girls who had never ventured into that territory before, and slowly took them past boundaries they had previously adhered to.

"I don't go there unless it's a girl I'm interested in. I just have these two week relationships."

He was using them. He had no intention of forming committing relationships. He dated them long enough for them to begin to trust him, open up, and be led into uncharted territory. Then left them.

"Any girl I've dated would come back to me, I'm just not interested"

That's because they formed an emotional bond and he was looking to get physical pleasure.

He spoke of spending time completely naked with girls, as if it was commonplace.

He spoke of the girls that went to BYU that had fallen into his trap, then he mocked the chastity code.

And he said all of this as if he was moral for doing it.

"I get so mad when guys don't respect girls"

Really.

He then related a story of a fight he got into because some guys were disrespecting girls. Okay, I do have to give him credit. These guys had zero respect and treated the girls only like objects. But in my judgment, he was doing the same on a lesser scale.

Being charming, letting the girl warm up to you. Not pushing too hard, but still pushing, for the physical part of the relationship to take shape.

"I didn't do anything she didn't want to"

To ANYONE who ever thinks this, I have this to say: You didn't respect her enough to prevent her from crossing the line. You didn't respect her enough to stay back from the line as far as you could. You didn't respect her enough to know that if you don't stop now, things will go too far. In fact, you started dating her with full intention to break her boundaries and drop her when you're done. You hypocrite. I should fight you for not respecting women.

The very thought of someone like him out there using my future wife like that makes me furious. It is immoral. It is disrespectful. You are wrong for doing it.

I agree with everything you said. And from a girl's perspective who has been, to some degree but not completely, in this position, it hurts. She feels used and abandoned and there is absolutely nothing respectful about that. I'm glad you shared your opinions.

Robbie: That's it, man, starting right now, me and you are going to be free and happy the rest of our lives!
Sammy: I'm not happy. I'm miserable.
Robbie: Wha - what?
Sammy: See... I grew up idolizing guys like Fonzie and Vinnie Barbarino because they got a lot of chicks. You know what happened to Fonzie and Vinnie Barbarino?
Robbie: Yeah, I read that Fonzie wants to be a director and Barbarino, I think... the mechanical bull movie? I didn't see it yet.
Sammy: Their shows got canceled. Because no one wants to see a fifty-year-old guy hitting on chicks.
Robbie: So what are you saying?
Sammy: What I'm saying is all I really want is someone to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be all right.
Old man in bar: [Comes up behind him and hugs him] Everything is going to be all right.

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