How To Deal With Trump Supporters On Thanksgiving

OK Lefties….it’s Thanksgiving, and many of us will be spending the holiday with friends and family who inexplicably voted for Trump. So here’s a five part plan to help you survive the day….

Gathering with family and friends who don’t agree politically can be very difficult. But this year is different. This year it’s going to take a super-human amount of strength to keep our cool. This year we’re living in Trump’s new America. And this year we need to have a plan for survival.

First….

If you’re a drinker, I strongly suggest you start drinking early.

This rule also applies if you can sneak in a nice fat joint or a couple Xanax. And once you’re sufficiently drunk, everything you say is acceptable. Well, to you anyway. Yep, it’s now your turn to be the “drunk uncle.”

Second….

Wear comfortable clothes.

Now I know this may sound silly, but trust me on this one. It serves a few different purposes. For one thing, there’s enough tension in the room already, don’t let an uncomfortable outfit make you even more stressed out. For another, some nice loose pants will allow you to eat more. And if you’re eating you’re not not flipping the table or cussing out your racist cousin. Also if you need to take a little “time-out” you don’t want uncomfortable clothes getting in the way of your brisk walk around the block….or run to the liquor store.

Third….

Find an ally.

You really need at least one person in the room to be on Team Sanity with you. When the Trump-talk starts you’ll need someone you can make eye-contact with. Clueless people who voted for Trump aren’t exactly tuned in to reality. So they’ll likely never even notice that the enlightened people at the table are mercilessly mocking them through subliminal messages. Also you’ll feel so much better later when you can bitch and vent about ignorance among your loved ones with an ally. Oh, and don’t forget to remove your shoe before you kick your ally under the table every time someone says Trump’s going to be a good President.

Fourth….

Prepare for emergencies.

Before the day even starts find a safe space and give yourself a good pep-talk. Prepare yourself to remain in control when you hear offensive Trump comments….and you know you will. But even more importantly, prepare a list of topics that you can jump in with to change the subject. Bringing up a beloved member of your family or a fun family memory is always a safe bet. Try to avoid conversation starters that begin with, “Fuck Trump…” or “Are you really that fucking stupid?…”

Fifth….

Don’t lose hope.

Here’s the thing. We will survive a Trump Presidency. We really will. Oh, it’s going to be four years of hell alright, but we WILL survive it. And if we can survive the Apocalypse called Trump, we can survive one day with our misguided relatives.