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The perils of a pipe

As some of you may know, for the last couple of years, I have been getting my pipes from Elie in Belgium.

Elie is three things – an artist, a craftsman and a gentleman. He produces the weirdest and most wonderful pipes that would make an incredible collection. Unfortunately, it’s an expensive hobby, and I just couldn’t afford them.

However, apart from the weird and esoteric, he also produces pipes which are lovely to smoke – cool and dry. Anyone who has smoked a pipe will know how much moisture they produce, and there is nothing worse than burning half way down a bowlful only to find that the tobacco has become moist and soggy and has to be thrown out.

Elie’s EKool is a weird pipe. It has a massive chunk of metal inside which condenses all the moisture into the barrel, where it can easily be cleaned out, leaving the smoke not only dry, but cool as well. It is a lovely smoke, and what’s even better, the tobacco remains dry right up the the very end. No waste. It looks great too, so much so that the Other Fella even robbed it to stick on the top of his pathetic website.

On the first day of my recent holiday, I put the pipe down. Something knocked against it and it fell on the floor. The fucking mouthpiece broke! Shit! Luckily I had a few spares so it wasn’t a life or death situation.

When I got home, I mailed Elie, and he asked me to post him the bits, as it would be quicker to add a new mouthpiece than to rebuild the whole part. The new mouthpiece arrived last Tuesday, and it was a belter. It was a bit stronger than the last one, and he had added a nice bit of decoration too. It was great getting back to the pipe I enjoy.

Yesterday, I went to unscrew the bowl for a bit of cleaning. The fucking thing broke again! This time, a weld had snapped.

I contacted Elie, who was very surprised as he had never heard of this before. He was quite upset about it, and informed me that there is a ten year guarantee on that part which is nice to hear. The replacement is already in the post.

So I’m back to my Elie’s Comrade now, which is a nice pipe, but not quite up to the other.

Many many years ago I had a great pipe – a Ronson. I was running across a road once as traffic bore down on me. The pipe fell out of my pocket and a fucker in a sports car deliberately ran it over. Now that was a dead pipe.

i was in a house the other day and a man in his 60’s took out a pipe and started smoking….i havent seen anyone smoke a pipe in years…and it was great, cause my grandad {i was raised by my grandparents} always smoked a pipe and it reminded me of it….wonderful smell. my grandad used to grind up blocks of ‘golden virginia’ tobacco, which this man tells me cannot be gotten any more….that correct ?

Doug – For some strange reason, pipe smokers seem to be an Endangered Species. I can’t understand why. I have lost count of the number of people who have approached me to say they love the smell of a pipe. Quite often they say it reminds them of a father or grandfather too, which is nice. I think I have only once in my life ever received a complaint about the ‘foul stink’. I told them to fuck off. That probably reminded them of their father too?

Dunno about blocks of Golden Virginia? I know I can buy my Condor in block form, but I’m too lazy for all the cutting.

I always thought that “Golden Virginia” was a cigarette tobacco, intended for hand-rolling .. But I stand to be corrected ..

Might your Grandad possibly have been referring to “Mellow Virginia” sold as “Benson & Hedges” but in fact made by Gallaghers ?

I smoke this particular brand myself & thoroughly enjoy it ..

I’ve had many people, especially young people express great interest in my smoking a pipe & more than a few young ladies have asked if they could “have a go” .. I always say “Yes, but not with my pipe” … 🙂 🙂 🙂

Isn’t history a curious thing ? … Not that long ago, if advertisers wanted to portray a decent, thinking, trustworthy, family-type man .. he was always depicted either smoking or holding a pipe .. Now we’re more likely to be treated as pariahs …

@ captain haddock…..god, i could be wrong…it was a small block of tabacco about the size of small mars bar…and he would have to cut it with a sharp pinknife he had…i could have sworn it was called golden virginia, but am probably wrong…..even if i did get it from the shop evey thursday for him when i went to get his pension for him 🙂 do you remember any tabacco like that, that you had to hand cut ?

Doug – I have to agree with Haddock. Golden Virginia is a cigarette tobacco [green packaging]. Mellow Virginia [brown pack] is a pipe tobacco. The block of tobacco is known as plug tobacco. I used to buy it and it was damned fiddley! An alternative is flake, which comes in strips like chewing gum. Both types are still available but are not that common.

Haddock – I too have been approached by women asking if they could suck on my pipe. I’m afraid I am not as restrained. 😈