Fourteen years ago today, our apartment was on fire. Seven years ago today a man jumped off a building and landed at my feet. On Monday it will be thirteen years since we picked up the keys to this, our first (bought) home. As of Wednesday we officially have an Ontario address, and by the end of April our first home will be passed over to its new owners, and over the course of the month, we’ll be moving slightly West to our new (temporary) home. That’s a lot, huh? And yeah, I focus on numbers way too much. Or maybe not enough. And I won’t lie, because I focus…

These are sort of crazy times right now, amirite? But for me (well, us), they are pretty normal. Having been off work for a few months, and also being socially anxious and introverted, staying home every day is the dream. The total dream. The hard part, for us, is LEAVING the house to DO things. We aren’t fans. The more I stay home, the more difficult I find it to force myself to leave the house. We do groceries online (not right now though because I don’t want my food to arrive two weeks from when I need it), we order take-out online, we do whatever we can online to…

there are a multitudeof words and emotionscrashing around inside my headand heart none want to escape theirdark, swirly, hideawaysand find themselves on paperor screen. these days I see nothing butmemoriesof who lived within each boxof 28, 30, or 31 daysI know it’s just a matter of perceptiona glass half empty / half fullsort of filter when I look at the calendarbut right now, all I see are empty spaceswhere family, friends, pets, and loved onesused to be this date used to celebrate that personthat date used to celebrate this personempty boxes that represent empty spacesin my heart, and in the world. and six years ago today, when my life changedfor…

The good news: After four years, I have finally gotten to the point where I am confident I have overcome the trauma I suffered in March 2013. I am no longer broken. I am scarred, but not broken. This means my doctor and I have been slowly decreasing the medication originally prescribed to help glue me together. I am looking forward to being medication-free once more. The bad news: The first week of a decrease in medication is rough. It varies in difficulty per person, per medication, and even per dosage. And sometimes that roughness sends you into spiral of complete and total hopelessness. There’s no point in anything. There…

Hey, you know what? It’s the 27th of March today. And, like, I knew it was the 27th of March today because I know I’m working on the 27th, but I didn’t realize it was MARCH 27. As in traumaversary March 27th. (Warning: not a happy post in that link.) As in PTSD issues March 27th. Until I thought of the date and then did a mental double-take when I realized what day it was. Normally I am hyper-aware of when this date is about to arrive. I have many sleepless nights, nightmares when I DO sleep, random panic attacks, and more leading up to the end of March. It’s been…