Wednesday, February 20, 2008

How To Lose Your Confidence As A Parent In Twenty Minutes Or Less

Today's lesson: if you are not, always and every day, prepared for the demands that your child's school or daycare might make upon you, you will - I guarantee you - be made to feel like the most worthless, incompetent parent that ever bore or received spawn.

Last week, it was Valentine's Day. "She needs to bring Valentines to school tomorrow," Her Bad Father (who usually does most of the daycare pick-ups and so is more usually the recipient of this kind of information) informed me on the eve of Valentine's Day. "36 of them. Signed with her name but not addressed to anyone."

Which meant, of course, a late-night dash to the nearest all-hours last-minute things store, whereupon hideous Valentines imprinted with licensed characters were purchased and brought home to be forged in her name.

And then, later that night: "Also, she needs to wear something red to school tomorrow."

Which, fine. Nothing that two cups of espresso and a little pre-dawn laundry cycle couldn't take care of.

And then, yesterday: "She needs to bring a family picture to school tomorrow. It's Family Picture Day."

Which: STUMPED.

We do not have any current family pictures. That is, rather, we have upwards of 10,000 pictures featuring Wonderbaby and one or the other of us and/or friends and/or extended family members, but these are all a) entirely digital, b) tending toward individual portraiture and/or group portraiture that excludes one of the more significant members of the family (it is almost always me taking the picture, and so from the evidence of our digital photo archives one would presume that Wonderbaby does not have a mother), and c) representative of situations that tend more or less to the embarassing (Wonderbaby bewigged, Wonderbaby naked and bewigged, me naked and bewigged, etc, etc.)

So, we had nothing. No family picture for Wonderbaby to take to school and share with her friends. We were facing - I was facing - the prospect of sending my child, at age two, into the deeply disappointing experience of being the lone child in the group who doesn't have anything for show 'n' tell, or no cupcakes to contribute to the bake sale, or whatever, because her mother sucks ASS.

67 Comments:

Yes I have ALREADY at BEFORE 9:00 AM received my phone call from the school telling me what a horrible mother I am! That's a new record, for them to have me in tears before 11:00 AM. I wish I was smart enough to homeschool! ~Ashley

We are the family represented in your B) scenario, so that's why I make us get a professional photo each year at Christmas (if I didn't, the boys would certainly think that their mother abandoned them from early infancy).

Yup to 36 Valentines too (I had made 20 and then had to scramble last minute when I found out I needed 16 more..)

hARR i love that pic catherine perfect choice for family day photos.....there are probably no pics around here with all of us in them...i always look a whiter shade of pale in photos and sometimes have to take a second look to find my ghostly presence in them hahaha....LAVANDULA

2. Your kid's daycare needs to calm down. My husband is in Iraq - if they demanded a recent family picture of me, I'd probably return one that is a lot less nice than the one you sent with her. By less nice, I mean my middle finger would probably be raised in the foreground.

We rarely remember photos for the photo board either, because like you, it's all digital right now. And, well, we don't have the kind of printer that can print out something resembling an actual picture. Sad, but true.

Why is it that it never occurs to others to take a photo of an entire family for them? I too am almost always the one taking the photos. I have to ask point blank for someone else to use the camera once in a while.

* have begun to anticipate this sort of thing, thereby purchasing large stocks of all manner of items (posterboard, colored paper, stock paper, holiday-themed cards on clearance etc.) that you then need a cabinet to provide storage so you'll become an IKEA web site addict

* utterly suspend all aspirations of greatness (because nobody can compete with the best scrapbooking and craft mommy so why bother) and will aim always for "did do" which is about three ticks below "good enough" in some cases but is generally "good enough" and that's the right bar by my estimation.

Ugh - Our preschool sprung this one on us last fall. Bring in a family picture for the class segment on "We Are Thankful For...Our Family"

It was absurd. Not a single picture of the three of us could be found beyond 3 months of age. After that, everything was Me + Boy or Husband + Boy. (Boy is now 2) So that's what I brought in - two pics.

Later I checked out the family book on display in the classroom - and most had to do the same thing. Hardly anyone had one family pic. EVEN THE SCHOOL DIRECTOR - whose son is in class - had two pictures! I got over my angst immediately. And began to chill out more in general about this stuff.

I'm thinking, and I don't think we have a nice photo of the three of us at all. No, we do have one from his first birthday almost a year ago. Hm, and it's digital, like all our pics. We'd have to go to the store to get ink and photo paper to print one if this project was sprung on us.

You have photos of Wonderbaby naked and bewigged?? and better yet, of yourself naked and bewigged?? I have no such photos. I have been slacking BIG time. I'm grabbing the camera right now..."C'mon kids...picture time!"

OMG that is seriously the best and funniest family photo I have ever seen. It reminds me of the time when my mom kept the family portrait appointment at Olan Mills shortly after her divorce and let us all wear bathing suits and be silly instead of prim and proper. Only yours is even funnier. You were SO RIGHT to send that!

When I arrived at the daycare last month my 4 year old grabbed me by the hand & dragged me over to the family picture wall, looked at me with the I'm-so-neglected-I'll-never-get-in-to-Harvard-now eyes & asked if I could please give him a picture for the wall because he was the only kid in the room without a picture on the wall.

The *reminders* are last minute, but the shame of it is, we have a little one-page calendar that is sent home with her every month, that outlines their activities for each day of that month, and includes info like 'BRING FAMILY PHOTO.' But do you think that I know where that calendar is? And do you think that even if I did know, that I would consult it regularly?

Ditto what Julie P. said. The first go-round finds you feeling like a failure. By kid number two, you are ready for this crap, but also just do the minimum, b/c who really cares? No one but the perfect/competi-mommy who is more than happy to have the best cupcakes, valentines, photos, etc.

As a non-mother, I have to wonder...do 2 year olds NEED Valentines? Why??? Why do they have to wear red and bring fambly photos? It all seems nutso to me, like entertainment for the teachers and that the children would not care if they didn't make a deal about it.

At least you got a heads up for Valentine's Day. When I went to pick up The Boy on V-day, I was told, with a sideways glance and a consoling 'you failed' smirk, that he couldn't take home his little goody bag yet cause, you know, the valentines and treats were still rolling in from all the other 'good' parents, who were on it enough to bring Hershey's kisses and valentines for everyone. Great. Cause we all like to not only let our own children down, but disappoint all their friends too.Sometimes I hate daycare.

Love the photo! I'm also the Mom scrambling for photos, searching the laundry basket for red or green(St.Pat'sDay) clothes, frantically trying to make sure that my kids are not the only ones not participating...sigh. It's madness I tell you.

This week we had Bring a Picture of your Pet day - which was awesome because we always use up the last picture or two on a roll by taking pictures of the cats. Much easier than the family photos.

Do 2 year olds need valentines? I don't know, but my 21 month old has been spending time almost every day since valentine's day going through her little doily-covered kleenex box looking at her valentines and saying "girl!" "boy!" "cat!" "car!" or whatever else is pictured. So, I'd say she at least is getting as much out of the holiday as I could ask!

OMG, what a laugh I got out of that one!!! I've seen that before, but can't remember where. We're the same, I think I can count the number of pictures of us as a family on one hand. Meanwhile about a million of each kid.How did the daycare react?

No. You didn't REALLY send her with that photo. Did you? Tell me you didn't. The kid reminds me of the little girl that Ripley finds in "Aliens," the chick looks like she's about 10 seconds away from throwing her bra to Brett Michaels, and the dude...well, the dude kinda looks like me, circa 1987. Oh well. No one told us that Aqua-Net would eat the ozone layer until it was far, far too late.

At least you sqeaked out the Valentine's Cards- I found myself printing homepage cards the morning of. And you're not alone. We don't have many family pictures either, but that's largely because I'd rather not see myself in photos!