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Saturday, February 28, 2015

Kanye West is crazy, but he is the gift that keeps on yeezing … in a new radio interview he managed a few interesting things.

First up, he confirmed that seventeen-year-old Kylie Jenner is dating twenty-five-year-old rapper Tyga, when everyone else — from Tyga to Kylie to That Woman — said it wasn’t true, and then he threw some shade at Amber Rose because she Tweeted that Kylie and Tyga were dating and, well, as a gentleman he kept it all so polite:

He said he would never have banged and banged and banged Amber if Kim had let him bang her first, and then added that “30 showers” after dating Amber before he got with Kim … the porn star.

Amber responded on Twitter because, well, I don’t know who she is or what she does besides wear ugly-ass clothes and talk on Twitter. But she said:

@kanyewest This is my moment to let the world know who u really are and the things you’ve done to me.

@kanyewest after all these years I never snitched on u and I don’t plan on starting now. We once loved each other so I won’t do u like that.

She won’t do him like that; she’ll just threaten to do it? Amber and Yeezy should ‘a stayed together because they are both cray …

John Travolta, Ick. At the Oscars last week, he saw his friend Scarlett Johansson — they worked together when she was a child star — and snuck up behind her to plant a kiss on her cheek while she was posing for the bank of cameras. Cree-py.

But that’s not the bad part … when he was scheduled to present with Adele Dazeem Idina Menzel—a funny bit and kudos to Travolta for allowing the academy, and the world, to continue mocking his special brand of crazy — he took the lunacy to new heights.

He decided to fool around with the blocking with Idina, and ended up pawing her face and stroking her chin in another display of Creepy Travolta Groping Actresses At the Oscars™.

But the creepiest part came after the show, when he appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live and explained the Adele Dazeem Moment buy blaming it on Goldie Hawn:

“[Last year before I went onstage] I ran into Goldie Hawn. Now, Goldie Hawn is sexy, charismatic, beautiful … amazing, and I was star-struck. I’m star-struck, hugging and loving her up, forgetting that I have to go and do this bit. And they said, ‘You’re on.’”

He says he was presented with a card that had Idina’s name written out phonetically, and it was different than the card he was using during the rehearsal and he was all kerfuffled because … Goldie.

Now, if it had been a masseur he was “loving up” on I could see it, but he expects us to believe he was flummoxed because of Goldie Hawn?

Ain’t happenin’ Johnny.

In other Kanye news, he had a little sump’n-sump’n to say to Fern Mallis, the bigwig of New York Fashion Week after Fern had the audacity to say this about him:

“I’m kind of over Kanye. I mean, I’m not a fan of his music, and the attitude and the agenda is not my style.”

Kanye took to Twitter because, well, he’s a lunatic:

“To Fern Mallis: I just want you to understand that attempting to do clothing has been very difficult and I have encountered countless amounts of bigotry along the way. I have millions of ideas and I represent a new generation just trying to express themselves in a broken world. I don’t call myself a designer as I was not allowed to go to Saint Martins because I was too famous by the time I realized I wanted to design ... Fame is often looked down upon in the design world, so it’s actually been something I had to overcome. All we have are our dreams, and you can step on our dreams and ideas all you want, but we won’t stop fighting. We want to innovate and we will win someday. If you wanna have a drink with me, book a table at the spotted pig when I’m back in NY.”

Wow, he’s making new strides in the Civil Rights movement via the fashion industry and then whining about how he couldn’t go to deign school because he was too famous.

Sit down, Kanye; you have rich people, problems.

Remember Bennifer? Ben Affleck and JLo? One of the hottest mess couples ever?

All the time they were together he was gambling and uncomfortable, and she was trying too hard to make it work because she wanted to seem legitimate or something. She styled him like her personal plaything and he hung out in strip clubs. They did hilariously awkward interviews together and he groped her ass in a video.

Well, at the Oscars last week they were both there, and date-less. Ben’s wife, Jennifer Garner was busy doing a make-up commercial or something and JLo came with her manager, i.e. back-up date, and then this happened:

During the show, the ex-messes had a brief, off-camera reunion during a commercial break. After won Best Documentary Feature Oscar, Affleck wandered over to Lopez, who was seated in the front row and bent down to whisper in her ear, after which she smacked him on the arm.

What was it, I wonder? Meet me out back? The wife is not home?

Or perhaps it was nothing, because right after that Affleck moved down the aisle and whispered something in Bradley Cooper’s ear; BCoop did not playfully slap Ben, but I wonder what he said … Meet me out back? The wife is not home?

Just sayin’.

Now let’s do Lohan … Prosecutor Terry White doesn’t think the hours that the cracktress is claiming as community service should count; he specifically has issues with the 240 hours Lohan is claiming she put in at a London volunteer center because one six-hour stretch of community service completed consists of a two-hour matinee performance of “Speed-the-Plow,” a two-hour evening performance and a two-hour meet-and-greet.

Yes, she calls going to work and doing her job, and then standing around saying hello to fan … singular … community service.

White feels there are enough irregularities to call the actress’ community service into question and wants a judge to violate Lohan’s probation and order her to be present in person for a hearing to determine what penalties she might face.

Ruh-roh. I guess when I told the court that grocery shopping counts as community service I was wrong … and Lindsay was, too, because Lohan and her community service organization just got slammed by a judge who threw out more than half of her hours and ordered her to do another 125 hours.

And since she hasn’t got a job, I guess standing around on a New York sidewalk talking to extras in a film won’t count.

Anyway, Chris seems to think that he’s quite the catch and that any woman should be lucky to have him, even the woman he pummeled in the car; yup, Chris actually claimed during an interview that Rihanna will never do better than him.

When asked about the Kanye West lyric—“If you leave Mickey, you gon’ end up with Goofy/I imagine that’s what Chris told Karrueche”— ina Big Sean song, Chris Brown said this:

“I feel what he meant by it, and I’m not just saying it as an arrogant statement. In any situation, when you look at yourself in a certain light – cocky or not – there’s nowhere else to go. Even with [Rihanna], who else you gonna go to? [...] Who else in this game she gonna go to? Some corny singing rapper? What she do now, I got respect for her and all that, whatever her choice is. But at the time, not to toot my own horn, but who hotter than me?”

Um ... my ass after a spicy Mexican meal for one, bitch.

He seriously thinks Rihanna will never do better than the guy that beat the crap outta her and then never showed any remorse for it.

Siddown Brown, you’re an idiot.

In Obvious News … Kim Kardastrophe, known for Photoshopping her Instagram pictures — with warped backgrounds and wall that curve inward — has apparently hired a professional Photoshop assistant that she pays $100K a year to make her look… well, still like a hooker, but in better photographs.

A source — and it’s possibly Lohan thinking gossip will fulfill her community service requirements — says, “Kim used to ask a friend to fix up photos, but it would take hours. She finally decided to hire a pro that can be on call 24/7.”

And Kim ALLEGEDLY pays the pro some $100,000 a year. And, to make sure the original shots, where she looks like a cheaper version of a hooker, never see the light of day, Kim had her pro sign a nondisclosure agreement promising to destroy all the originals.

Still, $100,000 a year to make her look less cheap? Oxy … moron.

Sometimes being an Oscar winner brings about the best things ever!

The founders of Montauk Brewing Company — who noticed that their beer was featured in Julianne Moore’s film Still Alice — keep leaving six-packs of their beer on the Oscar winner’s doorstep.

Oscar and beer? I wanna win an Oscar!

Oh Canada, with their healthcare and no GOP. I so should be living there, especially now that they’ve done this … Chris Brown tried to get into Canada last week and Canada politely said, “Um, GTFO.”

Brown was supposed to play shows in Montreal Toronto tomorrow, but apparently he was asked not to come because Canada can ban a dick who has been convicted of assault.

Good on Canada, but, um, can they ask that Justin Bieber be returned?

You know it was a slow Oscars News day when the hottest story to come out of the show was the Zendaya and Giuliana Rancic Hair Feud of 2015 … and I won’t bore you with those boring details when there’s this … and that:

—Speaking of Aniston, she was ALLEGEDLY “straight-up drunk” and spent a great deal of time grabbing Justin’s Bieber’s sloppy seconds-and-thirds, Selena Gomez’, ass, and telling Sofia Vergara she wanted to “eat her up.” Who knew a little tequila turns Aniston gay?

—When Chrissy Teigen — ugly-clothes-wearing model and wife of John Legend — was backstage at the Oscars, Neil Patrick Harris said Hello to her, but she just rolled her eyes and kept walking.

—When Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman walked the carpet, people took bets on whether or not they’d done Couples Botox.

—When Jessica Chastain tried to chat with Meryl Streep backstage, Meryl “couldn’t have looked more put off.” I don’t believe this because Meryl is America’s Acting Treasure and surely she could have rocked the part of Interested In Jessica Chastain?

—Sienna Miller “was horrified” when someone asked her if Robert Pattinson would ever get back together with Kristen Stewart. Sienna didn’t even respond because, well, she doesn’t know who those people are …

—Khloe Kardashian was slamming back champagne before she went on air on E! which seemed quite obvious when you heard her incoherent rambles about fashion. Two things that never go together Khloe Kardashian and Fashion.

Again, this all just gossip but, still, one wonders … why it sounds so much like a high school dance ... albeit in a much nicer gymnasium.

Sean Penn. He can be an amazing actor, but in real life he’s kind of a douche, and a hypocrite, and yet he doesn’t seem aware of it. Case in point … He doesn’t think much of actors these days because, well, here’s what he said:

“I think many actors have disgraced their craft and are left to celebrity status in many cases. They’re mostly the punks for what the studio wants to do.”

But then he turns right around and admits that he did his latest movie, The Gunman, just for the dough:

"Listen man, you get divorced, you pay a few fines and you get involved in something where it’s hard to get people to dig in their pockets and you have to dig in your own, and you’ve got kids, and by the time you finish directing a movie you’ve paid for it more than you’ve been paid for it. There are a lot worse ways of making a living than doing something that fascinates you, and acting does fascinate me.”

The best part is that he doesn’t even see what a hypocrite he is from one statement to the next!

Friday, February 27, 2015

This past Tuesday, a bunch of anti-gay elected officials in Texas celebrated … celebrated … the anniversary of the state's same-sex marriage ban by cutting into a Hate Cake topped by pink frosting that reads: "10th Anniversary of 2005 Marriage Act."

Yes, they held a party to cheer discrimination.

Now, if you didn’t think the GOP was a party full of idiots, think on this:

Their little celebration was premature because Texas’ same-sex marriage ban won't be a decade old till November 8.

"Let's think of the nuclear arms, of the possibility to annihilate in a few instants a very high number of human beings. Let's think also of genetic manipulation, of the manipulation of life, or of the gender theory, that does not recognize the order of creation. With this attitude, man commits a new sin, that against God the Creator. The true custody of creation does not have anything to do with the ideologies that consider man like an accident, like a problem to eliminate. God has placed man and woman and the summit of creation and has entrusted them with the earth. The design of the Creator is written in nature."

Yeah, he really sounds like an ally of the LGBT community.

Neil Patrick Harris, on the risk of going onstage in underwear during the Oscars:

“So we did the dress rehearsal, and I just had the pair of regular underwear on. But the lights! They see through things! So the Academy or the network or someone said we had to do something so you couldn’t tell my religion, so what they did was they had to take a second pair and sew it to the first to make it so that you couldn’t sort of see through it.”

Might have been a far more interesting moment, don’t you think, had he worn the original briefs?

"I’m not gay, but I’ve never talked publicly about depression before or any of that and that was so much of what the movie was about and it was one of the things that drew me to Alan Turing so much. I think we all feel like weirdoes for different reasons. Alan had his share of them and I had my own and that’s what always moved me so much about his story.”

And so why not embrace those who are different or weird, or whatever. We might learn a thing or two about the world, or ourselves, if we aren’t so quick to judge the differences in all of us.

Jon Stewart, on the media scrutiny that has been re-focused on FOX News' Bill O'Reilly and allegations that he may have embellished his own experience during the Falklands War:

"Really?! We're going after O'Reilly for exaggerating being in a war zone? I don't know if you watch his program...misrepresenting 'the zone' he is in is kind of his hook. 'You're in the no spin zone' are the words he utters right before throwing it to some jackass who disproves global warming by wandering around Boston by pointing at snow...You're basically putting in a tremendous amount of work to say, 'The Emperor has no clothes,' when the emperor has spent, like, twenty years going, 'Look at my dick, I'm naked.'"

Hee Hee. It’s funny, cuz it’s true.

Madonna, on ageism:

"It's still the one area where you can totally discriminate against somebody … and talk shit … because of their age. Only females, though. Not males. So in that respect we still live in a very sexist society. No one would dare to say a degrading remark about being black or dare to say a degrading remark on Instagram about someone being gay. But my age – anybody and everybody would say something degrading to me. And I always think to myself, why is that accepted? What's the difference between that and racism, or any discrimination? They're judging me by my age. I don't understand. I'm trying to get my head around it. Because women, generally, when they reach a certain age, have accepted that they're not allowed to behave a certain way. But I don't follow the rules. I never did, and I'm not going to start."

People look up to, and marvel, Mick Jagger for still rocking at his age, so why should Madonna be held to a different standard?

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Madonna took a tumble the other night at the Brit Awards after a dancer tried to remove a cape she was wearing. She recovered — and the track kept playing — and carried on like a trouper, though I wondered if she should re-title some of her songs …

Like A Prayer [That I Don’t Break a Hip]

MedicAlert™ Girl

Take A Fall

True Bruise

La Isla Boniva™

Don’t Cry For Me Argentina

Okay, that one stays the same.

So, Donny Osmond was unnerved by the sight of NPH in his briefs at the Oscars and Tweeted ‘#noclass’ for a man to appear in his underwear onstage during a performance.

Osmond apparently had no issues with appearing onstage 2,000 times in a loin cloth, though.

#hypocrite #STFU

Speaking of the Oscars … where the hell was Joan Rivers during the In Memoriam” segment? She directed a feature film, she appeared in feature films, she did voices for feature films, and she was a staple on the Oscar red carpet and she gets the snub?

Apparently, according to an Oscar drone, they just didn’t have room for Rivers:

“Joan Rivers is among the many worthy artists and filmmakers we were unfortunately unable to feature in the In Memoriam segment of this year’s Oscar show. She is, however, included in our In Memoriam gallery on Oscar.com.”

Oh, good, they put her on the web.

Shame on you, Oscar, and shame on you for leaving out Elaine Stritch, too.

In Coming Out news … retired minor league baseball player Jason Burch has publicly come out as gay, saying that, while he was open about his sexuality to teammates who asked — one asked if he had a girlfriend, and Burch said he did not and that he was into guys — he wishes he’d been more open to people who didn't ask him about it directly, and says he would do it differently if he had to chance:

"Looking back, I wish I had told the whole world that I'm gay from day one. That feeling of being relied upon, that people must turn to you as a closer to make things right, to have that role - and to have people have that feeling about me in that role - as a gay man, I think that would have been a powerful message. If we are talking about changing people's opinions, I do think that would have been a powerful message. But I wasn't really thinking about that at the time."

Burch quit baseball in 2008 and received a law degree a few years later. He's now practicing law in Chicago and has been with his partner since 2012.

And, so naturally, we here at HOMO HQ send him our best regards for Coming Out, as well as a copy of The Gay Agenda and the Obligatory Coming Out Toaster Oven.

Welcome out, Jason.

Boy, what they won’t do down there in Alabama to keep The Gays out of marriage.

Justice Glenn Murdock wrote a two-page opinion on the ruling that marriage equality should rule in Alabama, and said that Alabama, rather than allowing it’s gay and lesbian citizens the rights and privileges of marriage, that marriage should just be banned altogether.

M’kay. That’s a little extreme, even for a wingnut with a gavel, but, well, let’s do it; but start with your own please. Get off the bench, hang up the robe, put your gavel back in its museum case, get in the Mercedes and drive home and tell your wife you’re not married any more. And tell your children they’re all just bastard children, too.

And then STFU.

We’ve been watching The Slap on NBC for the past couple of weeks. When I read the synopsis—a tale of what happens when one man reprimands the child of another man by slapping him—my first thought was, That’s a show?

Talk about a show about nothing … and not in the Seinfeld way.

But then I read that was an 'event' program, and not planned on as a regular series, so, well, we watched. And it was good … and hot.

So, the Justice Department announced that they are closing their investigation into the murder of Trayvon Martin, who was gunned down by serial criminal George Zimmerman three years ago. Federal prosecutors concluded that there was not sufficient evidence to prove that Zimmerman had intentionally violated Martin's civil rights, and as such they will not be charging Zimmerman … which basically means that Zimmerman, who murdered Martin, committed no crime, at least not the way dumbass laws are written in Florida.

The good news, if there really is any, is that Zimmerman has had a string of encounters with the police, both before and after the shooting, and virtually all of them involve him being violent, so, like OJ Simpson, another murderer, Zimmerman will most assuredly spend a great deal of time locked up one day.

Fingers crossed.

In American Horror Story news, the new season is to be titled American Horror Story: Hotel and will see Lady Gaga taking part, in an as yet undisclosed role.

It might be, could be, a kind of Shining season of AHS and when you think about it, Gaga already has a closet full of horrific clothes to wear.

Waiting to see how this pans out …

It's hard coming out as gay or lesbian to your family, and, I'm sure, even harder coming out as transgender. But wouldn't it be nice if the parents of our transgendered brothers and sisters had parents like this:

Right now, Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker is leading the pack of GOP candidates for the presidency in 2016. He’s ahead of Huckleberry; he’s ahead of Krispy Kreme; he’s even ahead of Bush 3.0. So, let’s take a minute and look at Scott Walker and the kind of man he is, and the kind of president he might be if we get so unlucky next year.

At the Iowa Freedom Summit last month, Walker spoke, er, lied, about the education system in his state. After introducing Megan Sampson as the 2010 Wisconsin Outstanding Teacher of the Year, he told the crowd that she had been laid off from her first teaching job because of the seniority system of the state’s public schools and not, not, on the massive cuts to the education budget that he supported and signed into law.

Bad enough, right? That lie? But that wasn’t the only lie Walker told about teachers in his state. One other teacher, Claudia Klein Felske, was taken aback by what Walker had said about the seniority system and also about Sampson being the 2010 Outstanding Teacher of the Year because that is also a lie.

The 2010 Outstanding Teacher of the Year was, in fact, Claudia Klein Felske. And what’s even better than catching Walker in a pair of blatant, ridiculous, lies, is that she also happens to be a former classmate of Walker’s at Marquette University. So, she wrote him a letter, calling him out for his ‘misremembering’ — that is the new politically correct term for lying you know — and noted the irony in the idea that a man who never graduated college is attacking education:

Dear Governor Walker:

I was both surprised and bewildered last week when I saw a news clip of you stumping in Iowa about Megan Sampson, whom you called “The [2010] Outstanding Teacher of the Year in my State.” This was baffling to me since in 2010, I was named Wisconsin High School Teacher of the Year … In a most humbling ceremony, we were each surprised at our respective schools by State Superintendent Tony Evers and later honored at the State Capital as the Wisconsin Teachers of the Year.

And so, as one of the bonafide 2010-2011 Wisconsin Teachers of the Year, I feel the need to engage in one of the most valuable skills we teach our students, critical analysis.

Verified by multiple news sources, it turns out that Megan Sampson did win an award in 2010, but it was the Nancy Hoefs Memorial Award given by a relatively small organization of Wisconsin English teachers (WCTE) for “an outstanding first year teacher of language arts.”

…

You failed to mention these details as you used Sampson’s lay-off from her first year teaching position as an opportunity to bash Wisconsin schools on the national stage. You blamed the seniority system for Sampson’s lay-off when, in good conscience, you should have done some serious soul searching and placed the blame squarely on your systematic defunding of public education to the tune of $2.6 billion that you cut from school districts, state aid to localities, the UW-System and technical colleges.

This Wisconsin Teacher of the Year would like to clarify precisely what you’ve done for education.

…

You’ve directed the Wisconsin Department of Public Instruction to devise content exams that would certify anyone with a degree to become a certified teacher. … Allowing someone to teach without any training in HOW to teach, in effective pedagogy, in student behavior, brain research, motivation, and classroom management is akin to allowing someone who says “I’m not a doctor, but I play one on t.v.” to give you a heart transplant.

[You] cut to the jugular by proposing a 13% across-the-board budget cut from the Wisconsin University System, our cornerstone of higher education, the source of much of our skilled and educated workforce, the center for research and development for our state. Aside from clearly being anti-education, this move is clearly anti-growth.

…

Your tenure as Governor has demonstrated nothing less than a systematic attempt to dismantle public education, the cornerstone of democracy and the ladder of social mobility for any society.

How our paths have diverged from that August afternoon in 1986. True story: it was freshman orientation just outside Memorial Union. We were two of a couple thousand new Marquette University freshman wistful about what our futures held. Four years later, I graduated from Marquette and later became Wisconsin High School Teacher of the Year. You never graduated, and you became the Governor of the State of Wisconsin bent on dismantling public education. Ironic, isn’t it? Situational irony at its best. I’d laugh if its ramifications weren’t so utterly destructive for the state of Wisconsin.

Sincerely,

Claudia Klein Felske

2010-2011 Wisconsin High School Teacher of the Year

Marquette University Class of 1990

Once a teacher, always a teacher, and this teacher has educated all of us to the fact that Scott Walker is a liar.

Now, I know some of you might vote for the man, and that he might, well, probably not, win in 2016. But, if by some miracle he does win, and he becomes president, remember that he lied, more than once, so it must come naturally to him.