This blog is a place for wives, girlfriends, significant others, and anyone else stuck to a chef to come together and chirp to each other about how to deal with the nonsense that goes along with being the wife of a chef. I was struggling to live with a ghost of a husband who I never saw until I met two other chefs' wives that saved me. It was then that I realized there must be more who need love and support too, right?
Hilary, First Lady Desperate Chefs'Wives
instagram @hilarya25

Speak Up

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Search Party

My best friend (of the non-human form) is the Internet. I could spend all on day on a computer if I had the time. Amazon, Facebook, email, blogs, news, and all the other websites that are silly yet powerfully addicting. (cakewrecks, failblog,craigslist) Writing on this blog is therapeutic for me; I can't get enough of the Desperate Chefs' Wives. The more women who read, email, and comment give me good ideas and support. I don't know what I would have done without you ladies the last couple of weeks when Erik was working so much. But how were you all led to this unique site? I have a feeling it's mostly Google or some other search engine. I remember also searching "dating a chef" and coming up empty handed. But now the first website listed is this one and I'm so glad that others have found the blog when searching for help.

However you found me, I'm so glad you did because now we are all a little less alone.

4 comments:

Anonymous
said...

I don't remember how I found this blog, but am so glad I did. My boyfrend is a chef in a private home and has beenhaving to go away to cook at his boss' summer home. This means no coming home at night, even to sleep, he's gone for good when he's working for the past and next few months. Today is my birthday and I'm staring at a beautiful, huge bouqet of roses that just don't fill his spot. I've seen him a total of two days in the past 2 weeks and sometimes feel like I'm not going to make it for the rest of the summer. You help me feel like I'm not the only person who loves a chef and is feeling this way. Thank you! -S- from Brooklyn

I, on the other hand, found your blog by hitting "next blog" and stumpled on it...I was fasinated by the content and had no idea there was a need for this forum. I do feel for all of you. I'm sorry that your boyfriends/husbands work long hours and leave you home alone or just feeling alone. I'm sure the 14, 15, 16 hour days are long and when he comes home he's tired and maybe deep down because of this you're not being completely fulfilled in the relationship and that might make you doubt why you're in it. I get it. My husband doesn't have to be a chef for me to get it. I'm happy that you have eachother to listen and simply know that someone else is out there feeling the same lonely pain. It's not unlike the support groups I have for my life. We all marry or date these men who have their lives and passions and no one puts a gun to our head to make us stay...we stay because we love them and it becomes our lives too. We should embrace our lives. Move on with your own lives as much as you can. A good relationship is two lives not staring only at eachother, but standing next to eachother moving in the same direction.

With all due respect to fellow women, some of you sound a bit too wrapped up in the sadness of it and the drama instead of taking the hard times as they come and realizing how good you have it! You all are so lucky! You have these men who you love and who love you and they may work a long day but oh my good they come home and they are safe and happy doing what they love!! You are so lucky and I feel like you don't see it or really appreciate it as much as you should. I know it's hard to look for the good and the bright side, but you have to. You have to. Life gets harder...sometimes for you and sometimes for others. You're growing to grow older and have kids and the focus will shift from longing him to have an 8-10 hour day to real problems and I fear you're not being happy and grateful now, when you should be.

My support group I mentioned is for wives of military men...mostly men who have been hurt or killed in Iraq. My husband has been gone this tour for 2 years...I've seen him 3 times during that time. I go for days and days, a few times weeks with no email or word from him. I go to bed at night not knowing if he's safe...or when me and the kids will see him..or if we will see him. I helped choose this life and I know and pray someday it will change.

I'm in no way trying to "trump" your pain. I know its all how we're built and what we can handle. But try, for me, to keep things in perspective and be happy and grateful for what you do have.

I found this blog by googling "dating a chef". This might sound cheesy to say but this website really has changed my outlook on life and my relationship with my chef. Both good and bad. I now know what Im getting myself into and what it "looks like" by hearing other peoples experiences. Its also helped me be more open and honest with my chef regarding what I really want from him. Thanks so much for this website Hilary. Keep up the good work.

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