The News from Grand Central Gulch

Mrs. Frieda Wax 555-1212

Heidi Pripp and Thurma Tattenhouse went to First National
Wednesday and came home with a whole bag of Ringbats and Coconut
Creme Foons. Mrs. Pripp's son Biff, 42, broke his toe in gym
class. Thursday my daughter Saline and I did nothing whatsoever.
On Saturday, however, the entire family enjoyed an evening of
blinking and breathing. Jackson Crack and son Betty got lost in
the woods behind their outhouse yesterday. Mrs. Crack called out
the fire brigade, Clyde Bingham, who located them sitting on a
rock. Fireman Bingham was quoted as saying, "This was really
quite an experience." Next week the entire population of
Grand Central Gulch has vowed to give up swearing. In this project
the Rev. Bob Friend has promised to take the lead. April and Festa
Rack are preparing poems to commemorate the occasion. On Monday
Mayor Jed Gubble's twin sons Turk and Jeremiah return home from a
three-year stay in State Prison for extortion. They are looking
forward to being in the employ of the Rev. Friend. Beston Winks
announced Tuesday that starting next week the price of goosegrease
will be two cents higher, and that hereafter anyone expecting
change for the telephone will be required to make a purchase.
Elmer Ilvonen, Betson's neighbor, commented: "I never heard
the like." Hunda Varney announced that last week's Dollars
for Donuts campaign was a roaring success. Heidi Pripp just called
to say her son Biff broke his crutch falling off the school
bus.