Ring of Honor Review (3-3-12): ROH Makes Me Ponder Sarcastic Titles

After last week’s perfect setup for the 10thAnniversary Event pay-per-view, I was worried that Ring of Honor would screw it up this week.

My fears were justified.

Tonight’s wrestling was good. The promos were good. However, this episode exposed at least one reason why Ring of Honor is still considered the Triple-A of American professional wrestling.

Mike Bennett defeated TJ Perkins

Surprisingly, we were treated to a couple of good promos before the match.

It seems like I always talk about how incredible Bennett is at portraying a heel. He was great before, but the addition of Maria Kanellis has put him over the top.

He has become almost transcendent in his cockiness. His gum-chewing is as obnoxious as ever. He now supplements that with sloppy make-out sessions with his Playboy model girlfriend.

I am both disgusted and jealous—and I think that’s the point.

It also seems like I always mention that his wrestling ability, although improving, only qualifies him for high school gyms and local armories. Huge props go to TJ Perkins for carrying an entertaining match.

Verdict: Thumbs Up

Best Moment: Perkins: “[Brutal Bob] should be showing you 10 ways out of a ‘you can’t wrestle’ chant.” Yup. That’s a burn.

Tommaso Ciampa defeated Guy Alexander

I have two questions.

First, “Guy Alexander"? Unless that’s his real name, that might be the worst ring name outside of WWE.

Second, where did Guy get a Danzig sound-alike that terrible for his entrance music?

We should have no questions regarding this match. Ciampa murdered him. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a technical knockout in a regular match before, but Ciampa put Alexander down after a barrage of his running knee strikes in the corner.

If this was supposed to make me believe that Ciampa could beat Lethal, then this match was perfect.

Verdict: Thumbs Up

Best Moment: That one punch Alexander managed to throw before his life insurance kicked in.

Promo Time Quick Notes

-The sit-down format really worked for this segment.

-The Briscoes seemed at ease and didn’t feel the need to try and work up the crowd.

-I love the one time in every promo that Kevin Steen sort of slips into an Irish brogue.

-The dueling promos from the All Night Express and the Young Bucks played off of each others’ promos very effectively.

-This was the least irritated I’ve ever been listening to the Young Bucks speak.

Verdict: Thumbs Up

Worst Moment: Promos building ROH’s next pay-per-view, Showdown in the Sun. One pay-per-view at a time, ROH. WWE doesn’t promote the Royal Rumble the SmackDown before Tables, Ladders and Chairs. That’s because doing so would be stupid.

Eddie Edwards and Roderick Strong wrestle to a draw

Edwards and Strong get half an hour to determine the No. 1 Contender for the ROH Championship at Showdown in the Sun.

I have two problems with this.

First, it means Kevin Steen has a least another month to wait before getting into the ROH Championship picture. He deserves to be there now. Unless Steen is spending that month feuding with El Generico, it will not be worth seeing some combination of Richards, Edwards and Strong for the sixth straight month.

Second, it has nothing to do with TOMORROW NIGHT’S PAY-PER-VIEW! The main event of the final television episode before a pay-per-view needs to set up said pay-per-view.

It needs to put us on the edge of our seats. It needs to give us a reason to order the pay-per-view. This is so painfully obvious that I am getting a headache explaining it.

Anyways, the match itself was well-executed, despite a dead crowd at the end of a long television taping.

A dusty finish and a disagreement between two officials meant that Showdown in the Sun will feature a Triple Threat Match for the ROH Championship.

This is me pointing my finger in the air, making the “whoop-de-doo” motion.

Verdict: Thumbs Down

Worst Moment: Adam Cole dresses worse than I do and it took me 26 years to figure out that argyle is a pattern and not a fabric. Short shorts? High socks? His gimmick is either “Richard Simmons” or “Lost German Tourist.”

Show Verdict: Thumbs Down

As I said, the wrestling was good. The promos were good. However, only the Ciampa match had anything to do the next evening’s pay-per-view. I think every reader has been able to track my rising blood pressure throughout the episode. It’s just inexcusable.

Next Week: New tapings, so no word. My 10th Anniversary Event review will be up over the weekend.