nothing in here is true

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

a zillion years ago a mysterious creature named Jeanine made her way into the offices of the Daily Nexus.

she wore a scowl and a men’s blazer. she looked like Ally Sheedy in The Breakfast Club and because I’m a sucker for the Unknown i HAD to know who she was and what made her tick.

she hated me immediately because i was loud and cocky and had rough edges for days.

i probably also reeked.

we had a few dates and they were terrible and one day she dropped acid and looked me in the eyes and kissed me and i was all omg omg omg omg

a week or so later was the california collegiate journalism awards.

earlier that year i had been fired and later banned from the Nexus but somehow my three Arts sections had been submitted for judgement so i got in a car with Jeanine and a long haired named Trevor Top and we made our way from IV to Sacramento.

along the way i realized Trevor liked her too. i was very nervous because i felt he was way cooler than me, but i had kissed her, so i had that on him.

many of us piled into just a few rooms we drank nibbled on pizza and hit the hot tub.

there i held her hand to see if she would hold it in return. she did, so i kissed her. then again. it was lovely.

soon i was trying on my dress. the men of the Nexus in those days wore dresses to the awards because we were loud, cocky, and had rough edges for days that were softened with the thrift store frocks.

Jeanine helped me with my look and we walked hand in hand to the banquet room where after a few hours it became obvious that the Nexus, as usual, was going to waltz home with Every award. myself included. which was the first time we had won for Arts.

victory was mine! retribution! i had fought for every idea in those sections. much of was in contradiction to our terrible EIC at the time who had just won Best in State but had to deal with his arch enemy, moi, not only winning my big prize, but best of all i got the girl: jeanine, who couldnt care less about the awards, but was wooed by a man in a dress who was now on top of the world and on top of her on the floor of our room.

a few days later we drove to frisco, then mexico and along the way we fell in love.

the date was march 17th. st. paddys day. our anniversary. 10 BC. and we will love each other forever.

Friday, February 13, 2015

some of us have been to the edge

some of us have stared down into the big ugly

some of us have had the taste of darkness

jeanine has gone further and deeper and been places that should have never given her back to us.

but we are so lucky she is still here.

jeanine could drink more than any person i have ever met, and i know some drinkers.

she consumed more substances than even her former drug dealer boyfriend

(except pot. she hates pot.)

and she did this for years and years and years.

she was in the ICU on several occasions. french kissing death. saying comeon comeon comeon like kim gordon sneers in “kool thing”

but even death knew jeanine had more to do here, on this planet, with all of us.

and spit her back out.

then a miracle happened.

i was dating young amber smith blog and we discovered that jeanine and amber shared the same birthday

not only that but they had similar demons.

the miracle was that amber had gone through the steps that it took to rid her self of her evils and she was sweet enough to share that with her birthday sister.

amber coached me that i was doing everything wrong. she told me that i had to let jeanine go and do her own thing and she would find the true path alone.

it was scary but it worked. jeanine rode busses from the beach to DTLA to the valley to jump through all of the red tape that she needed to get help.

omg socialized help

which not only saved her life, but restored her to the jeanine we first knew and loved some two decades ago.

today jeanine is sober, healthy, happy, alert, aware, and full of life.

she is responsible and motivated and filled with happiness and joy and doing things she probably never thought she’d ever be doing like talking to her mom all the time, reading the bible, and just saying no.

it’s a transformation we all hoped would happen but never thought would take place so quickly and thoroughly, but Jeanine is the essence of quickness. she taught herself guitar and piano in days. she became a certified jeweler in months. and now she has her sights set to be a master chef. which she will accomplish, no doubt, in part, to honor her late brother.

i have had the great pleasure of knowing some of the most unique and special people in the world and jeanine continues to surprise me in beautiful ways. and i love her so much and im so happy for her because i can only imagine how tough it was for her to get here.

she has been on the craziest road and i thank God that she never gave up.

happy birthday Jeanine. here’s to many more.

and thank you and happy birthday Amber. without you who knows what would have happened to Jeanine.

Monday, November 17, 2014

but probably the best thing that happened this weekend was getting to visit Jeanine.

she is holed up in a secret xbi training center to work on her exhaustion.

as you know the agency loves to poison us. sometimes they over do it.

the way i combat it is to eat a ton of junk food. the preservatives and chemicals counteract the weirdness that they subversively give us and it all balances out.

poor jeanine though eats well, and when the xbi did what they did to her, over years and years, it eventually wore her out.

a month ago she was taken away and only recently was she able to receive guests and i am very glad to announce that she is doing so well, theres so much more life back in her eyes and heart and spirit. it was an absolute joy to spend an hour with her.

funny thing about her, you can always tell how she is doing from her hair.

saturday her hair was silky smooth and happy and bright and sparkling.

she wanted to tell me all the stories about the other agents she is rehabbing with but i was all, there is no such thing as the xbi

and for sure there is no such thing as agents who arent at 100%.

she was all omg, but these people are sooooo fascinating!

i was like, just tell me about you, what have you learned, what did you go through, how did you like the books i snuck in?

so we talked and talked and someone recognized me and i said hi and they said you know if you wanted to drive jeanine around for a few minutes i’ll look the other way

and quickly we hopped into my car and i said so what do you want to eat?

she said, something healthy

i said you can have anything in the world and you want an apple? how about some taco bell or jack in the box or a burrito from a truck. and she smiled and said, thats your technique, i like healthy good things. in fact im thinking about being a cook here, full time, like forever.

it was so sweet. your girl is totally back. in such a short period of time. it was so good. sooooo good. so thank you for your good thoughts. they worked!

so weird how sometimes you can just visualize your future

and then it comes true.

lets all try it.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

jeanine has been one of my closest friends since i first seduced her in isla vista on cordova ave.

a few weeks later she tried to kill herself, but it didnt take, so she, for some reason considers me her guardian angel instead of The Cause of All Misery, which is why she’s wonderful.

like many close friends there are times when we laugh cry and scream at each other. sometimes in the same conversation.

jeanine is going through a lot right now. she has experienced some deaths in her family, she has a very demanding career, and she is doing her best to detox from booze all by herself.

like beyonce, shes an independent woman. unlike queen b, jeanine has no jay-z with benjamins to help smooth the road to success.

yesterday i got a text message that she had a seizure at work and was rushed to the hospital.

about an hour later i got another text from her boss saying “please call me tony” and i panicked because i thought she had died in the hospital.

i was terrified to call because i didnt want to hear that news. i thought about all of the things that i wanted her to do with the next 100 years of her life and one of them being that i wanted her to teach my kids how to be guitar heroes.

fortunately she is still alive. and kicking. and joking. and beautiful. and wonderful. and i am so happy and relieved.