How Familia for Men helped Matthew Darpel to “walk the talk” and let God lead.

The Darpel family.

One of the reasons why Familia is so helpful
at building up strong Catholic families is that it helps
parents to know and live Church teachings. In the following
testimony, Matthew Darpel tells the story of how his participation
in a Familia for Men group gave him the clarity
and courage he needed to “walk the talk” all the
way.

I’m a “cradle Catholic.” I was raised in a
large Catholic family – in a very loving environment. I
consider my parents excellent examples of truly unselfish, holy people
who did everything they possibly could to set me up
for “success” as a Catholic. I have distinct memories of
my father re-iterating his key philosophies – he would ask
when leaving church on Sundays: “What’s the most important thing
in life?” and we would answer “To get to heaven.”
Their other key phrase was “Be unselfish.” (By the way,
I use both of these on my kids today.)

I began
my adult life with this foundation to support me, and
it served me well. I went to church, said my
prayers, and tried to be unselfish. I went to college,
found work, became a husband, and then became a father.

Facing a challenge

God very quickly blessed my wife and me
with four daughters—in fact, we soon had four daughters under
four years old. What an incredibly wonderful and incredibly challenging
time. I could tell some excellent stories, but let me
just say two words that every parent can understand: “sleep
deprivation.” I’m not sure how my wife did it –
she was incredible through it all—but we began to wonder
how much more we could give…

Facing some huge challenges trying
to raise these young children, I contemplated taking matters into
my own hands to ensure that we didn’t end up
with “five under six.” I rationalized that it was the
“unselfish” thing to do because how could I ask my
wife to take on more? Would additional children make it
harder to give each one the attention he or she
deserved? And could we afford it?

My wife and I
prayed about it, discussed it with those we loved and
trusted, and concluded that our motivation was unselfish. I went
ahead and scheduled my vasectomy procedure.

I remember thinking, “If I
figure out it’s wrong later, I can reverse it.” In
fact, on the way to have the procedure done, I
went to the wrong office. But instead of hearing what
perhaps the Holy Spirit was trying to tell me, I
called the doctor on my cell phone and sped across
town, making it to the right office just in time
to still have the procedure done that day. That was
the summer of 2000.

“Walk the talk”

Over the next year,
something in my conscience was challenging me about the decision
I had made, so I made some half-hearted attempts to
research the matter.

Then, in the fall of 2001, I
started FAMILIA for Men. It was a group of about
12 men from the local parishes, and was just the
adult formation I needed to build on the foundation from
my parents. We covered all the major teachings of the
Catholic Church, and had great discussions about many of the
challenges we faced as husbands and fathers. One constant theme
that stuck in my head from this group was “walk
the talk.”

Familia for Men led me to the true
teachings of the Church and helped me understand why they
are what they are. It led me to the Pope’s
encyclicals, the Catechism, Theology of the Body, and so on.

“Something” or “someone” kept prodding me to really explore the
teachings on contraception, probably because I kept hearing “walk the
talk” and I knew that I wasn’t. I did my
best to listen with an open heart. Fortunately, my wife
was learning the same truths in her Familia sessions, and
there were many occasions of us bringing each other along
in our learning by challenging and supporting each other on
difficult questions.

Realization and decision

Through this formation, it became clear that
I had made the wrong decision in trying to take
matters into my own hands. I sought forgiveness and tried
to move on and live as God wants. I also
learned that the teaching does not require a reversal of
“the procedure.” God forgives us for our mistakes when we
are truly repentant and that is enough.

But when I thought
of our growing girls, my conscience kept nagging me: If
I understand why what I did was wrong, and I
don’t want my girls to make similar mistakes, what’s the
best way to teach them? Familia challenges us to reflect
on how we model Jesus’ love as husbands and fathers,
wives and mothers. I realized that I should not only
tell my girls what was right, but also “walk the
talk.”

We kept listening, praying, and asking for God’s guidance
about what I should do. I believe God was calling
me personally to live this particular truth with my mind,
my words, and my body. I decided I had to
make right what I had broken so that I could
look myself and my daughters in the eye and say
what is true, and they could see from my actions
that I had lived it. Most importantly, I wanted to
be able to stand before God with the firm belief
that I had lived what he taught me to the
best of my ability.

I had a reversal of the
procedure in April 2005. I can definitely say that once
it was done, I truly experienced God’s peace in my
heart. I hope that by doing this I can more
closely model Jesus’ love to my family.

I realize now
that if we had had more Catholic formation as adults
prior to those challenging days with our “4 under 4,”
our decision in the summer of 2000 would have been
different. I don’t know what will come now. Perhaps God
will bless us with more children, perhaps not – that’s
his decision. I do pray that we continue our formation
journey so that we can make the right decisions as
husbands, fathers, wives, and mothers, as more challenges face our
families in the years to come.

Learn more about how
Familia can help you build a stronger marriage and family
at www.familiausa.net.