Watch for teachable moments

Teachable moments are times that provide spontaneous opportunities to share information with your child without making it seem like a lecture or criticism. These situations frequently occur in a variety of settings when we least expect them.

Recently I witnessed such a moment. A family of five — two adults and three children — was having lunch. The service was unusually slow and the children, ages 3, 5 and 8, were naturally anxious to get down to the beach. Mom and dad were also anticipating some beach time. As lunch arrived, the waitress noticed she did not have the correct order and needed to return the tray to the kitchen. After a one-hour wait and several apologies from the waitress, the correct food was served. Calmly the mother reassured the waitress it wasn’t her fault but also requested to see the manager, as one of the meals was served cold and the wait unnecessarily long. When the manager arrived, mom explained the problem mentioning that initially the wrong food was served and returned to the kitchen. The following one-hour wait for a very simple lunch was a totally unacceptable situation. The manager apologized and replied that he would return shortly after checking on the error. When he did return, he affirmed mom’s story, agreed that it was completely unacceptable, and compensated the family by not charging them for the lunch. Mom thanked the manager and assured him this was not her intent. She simply felt he needed to be aware of the problem.

I am sure many of us have experienced similar frustrations. But most impressive is what happened next. Mom then turned to the 8- and 5-year-old children and her dialogue went like this:

“Did you notice what just happened?”

“Did I yell at the manager?”

“Did the manager yell at me?”

“Did he make any excuses or did he try to blame anyone else?”

“Did he accept responsibility for what happened?”

Then she delivered the impact statement.

“He is a leader and that’s how leaders act.”

What a phenomenal teachable moment. The behavior was modeled, the actions explained and finally the relevance of the incident stated in simple terms a child could understand.

Our goal as parents is to assist children in their journey toward adulthood. If we want them to be leaders and competent adults we need to be observant and prepared to interpret every day experiences and events. Children desire to do their best and excel, but they don’t always know how to make that happen or what basic traits a leader should demonstrate. It is our responsibility to provide the information and allow time for reflection. The most effective examples and discussions are those that are experienced by the child. Capitalize on all opportunities and keep the dialogue brief, simple and to the point. Every day, we as parents can point out instances of leadership, character and integrity. Be aware and take advantage of these “teachable moments.”

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