Bedtime Stories

Alan’s phone buzzed on the end table beside him. Not the short little zap of a text, but an actual phone call at actual 10PM on an actual Wednesday. This was exactly what horror movies were like. Not because it could be someone somewhere telling him of some catastrophic event involving someone or something important to him, no. But because someone was calling his phone. It was the 21st goddamn century and he was trying to watch very important television.

He picked up the phone and saw the word DAVID on top of the picture he’d taken of him at last year’s holiday party, two sheets to the wind and making a very grumpy face. He’d been touring the past few weeks, doing stand-up gigs mostly along the eastern part of the country. Alan had been subject to tweet and text alike here and there, when David got bored or found something dumb and funny to take a picture of. He hadn’t called, though. He wasn’t a caller.

“Hello?” Alan said, keeping his voice neutral. There was always the possibility this was somehow bad news, but he had an inkling it was going to be not bad news, not at all.

“Hellloooooo,” David said, and Alan could nearly smell the whiskey through the phone. “Hi. Hello. How are you? I’m good.”

Alan was free to smirk and smile all he wanted, but he kept a straight face. You could hear that sort of thing. “I’m doing just fine,” he said.

“Good, good good good,” David said. There was no sound of party or outdoors or any commotion coming through the phone’s speaker. He was likely in his hotel, then. “Oh, is it late? Is it too late there? What… what time is it, hm.”

Alan hit pause on the DVR. The unfolding drama of Storage Wars could wait. “It’s a bit past ten,” he said.

“Oh, ten,” David said. “Right, it’s one here. Well, a bit past one. That’s how time zones work. It’s the same but several hours later, not several hours and also some minutes.”

Alan bit the inside of his lip. “Yes,” he said. “That is indeed how time zones work.”

“It is!” David said, and giggled a little. Alan closed his eyes and smiled at the sound. Funny, the things you didn’t realize you’d been missing. “But is it? I mean, is it too late? Are you in bed?”

“No,” he said, and let the vowel go as long as he could take it. “I am not in bed.”

“Oh,” David said, and there was a pause, one beat of breath. “I am!”

Alan decided to put his feet up on the ottoman, get nice and comfortable. “Are you, now.”

“I am,” David said. “I am in bed. In my hotel. I am in a hotel bed and it’s very large.”

“They’re usually pretty big, those,” Alan said. He let his eyes closed and pictured it, David spread out on some crisp sheets, reaching arms and legs to the corners.

“Very big,” David said. “I mean, I could fit… like… four more people in here, probably.”

“Four?” Alan said. No, he didn’t feel like imagining anyone else there right now. “Seems like it might get crowded. Even if it’s big.”

“Oh, well, you know,” David said, and sighed. “Clever arrangement. Stacking. Like Tetris.”

“Like Tetris,” Alan said. He just let the silence hang in the air afterwards and listened to hear David sigh, and to hear him shift on the mattress.

“It was a good show, a good show,” he said. “Lots of very excitable young people, and a lot of very excitable young drinks.”

“They sound like they must have been very excitable,” Alan said.

“Oh, yes,” David said, and he was laughing again, loose and open. “Very excitable and very friendly. Well, not too friendly. Just friendly enough. Kind enough to make sure I could still get to my room. The drinks, I mean. The young people, eh, who needs them.” Alan just kept his eyes closed and let David go, let him work his way down this road as long as he’d take it. “But, yes, good show… good drinks, good room. Glad to just fall right into bed. Barely got my shoes off. Did get them off, though. Rude to have shoes on the bed.”

“Uh-huh,” Alan said. He knew very well what David wanted him to be saying, and sure, he’d get there eventually, but a man had to have his own brand of fun first. “Very rude.” He might have been not doing so well at keeping the smirk out of his voice. Eh, so what.

He heard David let out two little huffs of breath. “I’ll have to be careful,” he said. “Comfortable bed, enthusiastic young drinks, I’m bound to just fall asleep just like this.”

“Always possible,” Alan said, and bit his lip as he grinned at the sound of David letting out another dissatisfied breath.

“I mean, still dressed. Still all suited up,” he said. “And not even my sleeping suit!”

“Oh, yeah,” Alan said, and laughed a little. “Love the pocket square on that one.”

“Thank you for noticing,” David said. He never slept in anything more than his skin when he was sleeping with Alan. A very fine suit, indeed. “Oh, it’s just the problems of traveling alone, you know? No one to make you behave, no one to send you to bed properly, no one to tuck you in.”

Alan laughed again. “David,” he said, and he said it in a way that he heard David start to hold his breath. “Did you call me so I can tell you a bedtime story?”

He let that breath out with a shiver. Very nice. “That might be a reason I called you, yes.”

“Well, you could have just asked,” he said, and made himself comfortable, more for the sound of him settling in his seat than anything else. He was already very, very comfortable. “You know if you want something from me all you have to do is ask.”

“Well, you know,” David said, and his voice had gotten much breathier already. “Sometimes it’s more fun if you have to figure it out.”

“Sure,” Alan said. He made sure every word that came out of his mouth was perfect, a guided missile. “But I think it’s much more fun when you ask.”

David laughed again, soft and giddy, and Alan heard him shifting on the bed. “Okay, okay,” he said, and he had that gleeful little giggle in his voice Alan had gotten so familiar with over the years. “Tell me a story. Please.”

“Of course,” Alan said. “Anything for you.” He took a slow breath and when he spoke he knew his voice sounded like butter and velvet and sex during Mardi Gras. “Once upon a time there were three little pigs and the time came for them to leave home and seek their fortunes…”

David let out a groan on his end of the line, a great frustrated growl that just made Alan toss his head back and laugh. “God, you are such a shithead,” he said.

“Just doing what you asked, babe,” Alan said, still chuckling.

“Are you not alone, is that what this is?” David said, and he sounded muffled, like he’d curled on his side or buried his face in a pillow. “Is Liz there? Is she laughing?”

“No, I’m alone,” he said. Liz was upstairs reading, because that’s how you made a marriage survive terrible taste in television shows. She would definitely be laughing, though. That was one of the stipulations of this arrangement where Alan got to do things like this with David, that she got to laugh. “I was just fulfilling a very unspecific request.”

That groan of David’s was definitely directed into a pillow. “I’m drunk, and I’m bored, and I don’t know anyone here, and I’m lonely, and I’m horny, and I miss you, and you won’t even have the goddamn decency to ask me what I’m wearing!”

“My whole damn suit!” David yelped into the phone. “Because I had the perfectly reasonable and healthy expectation that you would understand how this works and tell me to take it off!”

“Haven’t even loosened your tie, huh?” Alan said.

“I am strangling,” David said.

“You poor thing,” Alan said. “Well, it’s time for you to take it off, then.”

David sighed and Alan could hear the rustle of fabric. “Thank god.”

“Which one is it?” Alan asked.

“Gold with burgundy checks,” David said.

“Oh, I haven’t seen that one,” Alan said, light and conversational for a moment.

“It’s fairly new,” David said.

“Sounds nice,” Alan said, then let out a quiet laugh before letting his voice turn low again. “You just keep making yourself comfortable. No more jacket. Unbutton your vest and your shirt but leave them on.”

Alan listened to David’s breath get heavier as he heard him undress. “Already feeling much more comfortable,” he said.

“Mmhm, I’m sure you are,” Alan said. He gave his cock a little rub through his pants, just enough for a quick thrill. “But not enough. Undo your belt. Unzip.” He heard the sounds of just that, and then he heard David groan, a sound of satisfied relief. Well, he couldn’t blame David if he couldn’t keep his hands off himself right now. Alan would be having the same problem if he were there.

“Now, nothing else,” Alan said. “Just stay just like that.” Alan took a moment to really picture it. He liked David in all the ways he could get him, but that way, half-unwrapped and breathless and waiting for him, that was always one of his favorites. “Feeling better?”

“Getting there,” David said, his voice mostly breath but still taut.

“Good,” Alan said. “You ready for your bedtime story?”

“I am very, very, very ready for that,” David said, and then let out that horny little giggle he got that made Alan’s dick jerk every time he heard it. “Maybe too ready. So, yes, ready.”

Alan turned his mouth away from the receiver to draw in a slow breath. He was far past the point where he needed to expend effort to make his voice sound like a slow fuck. He couldn’t have had a normal conversation right then if he tried. “How’s the hotel room?” he said. “Does it have a window?”

“Yeah,” David said. “Pretty big one.”

“Yeah, I know the type,” Alan said. “Nice view, right? Eyes on the whole city. And maybe if someone looked up at the right time, eyes on you.” David’s breath stuttered and he let out a little whimper. Alan had never met a professional performer who didn’t have at least a small exhibitionist streak. “Okay, David. Time for your story.”

“Yes, please,” David said, and laughed breathlessly again. Alan bit his lip for a moment and gave his cock another little squeeze, because he was only human, god damn it. “So,” he started. “So picture that I’m there. And you’re right where you are, on that bed. And you’re just like you are right now, all half-undressed and panting for it.” David absolutely was, too, nothing but gasps and groans coming from his end of the line. “I didn’t get you that way, though.” Alan stopped and smirked, and let David hear it. “Well, the part about the panting, sure. But I had you do it all yourself, undo every button and knot, and I just stood there and watched you.”

David’s breath made the phone’s speaker burst with static, but beyond that Alan could hear the sound of skin on skin. Goddamn right he’d better be jerking off already. “You’re fucking incredible to watch, you know? And I know you’re not even trying to be. Just something about you that makes everyone who looks at you wants to see you squirming and writhing and gasping.” Alan paused for a moment, to take a breath, to flick his tongue out over his lips. “Every goddamn person who meets you wants to know what you look like when you come.”

Alan chuckled softly into the phone. “Don’t come yet, though,” he said. “I’m still telling you a story.”

“Try very hard,” he said. His fingers were restlessly stroking along the arm of his sofa, just too damn eager to be touching anything. “So, here’s what I want you to think about me doing. I’ll get you up out of bed and take you over to that window. I’ll draw back the curtains and you’ll put your hands against the glass. Anyone in looking over from an apartment or an office will get to see you. If they’re lucky enough to look.”

David whimpered a bit and Alan found himself squirming a little. He profoundly wanted to be stroking something other than the upholstery, but he had a job to do and he had goddamn priorities. “They all get to look but I’m the one who gets to touch. I’ll come up behind you and push you right up in to the window. I’ll kiss your neck. I’ll bite at your ear. Maybe I’ll play with your nipples until your knees start to give, and when they do I’ll keep you standing. You’ll feel how incredibly fucking hard you make me.” Alan’s own laugh was rough and throaty. “Like I am right now.”

David’s breath was coming quick and desperate. He knew that sound. “David,” Alan said, as authoritative as he could manage while digging his fingers into the arm of the couch. “Take your hand off your cock right now and wait. I’m not done talking.”

“Okay,” David said, after working through a strangled moan. “You’re just very good at talking.”

“I know,” Alan said. David was still panting into the phone, but he knew he respected the honor system for things like this. It made it so much better. “I’ll keep you pressed up against the glass and I’ll stroke you off. I’ll do it very slowly at first, with my fingers tight around your dick. I won’t want you to come too quickly, because I’ve got things I want to do with you.” He bit his own lip for a moment. “To you.”

David made some incoherent noise that sounded like a mix of ‘god damn it’ and Alan’s name. Right on track. “I know what you sound like when you’re about to come. I know what you sound like when you’re about to come. So the moment I hear that, I’ll stop. I’ll just let you lean up against that window and show the world what you look like when you’re like that. That face everyone wants to see.

“And then I’ll fuck you,” Alan said, and then swallowed hard. He wanted to keep speaking slowly, measured, every word still perfectly calculated, but fuck it, he had other things he wanted much more. “Story’s almost over, David. I’ll be finished very soon.”

“Oh, thank god,” David said, and groaned as he clearly started jerking off again. For all they’d done and as long as they’d been doing it, Alan had never actually watched him do that. He couldn’t ever keep his hands to himself for that long.

“I’ll fuck you into that window and I’ll stroke you off right against the glass,” Alan said, his breath gone ragged. “I’ll want to do it slow and tease you and make it last forever, but I won’t be able to, because you drive me fucking insane. I’ll fuck you and I’ll touch you and I’ll put my mouth right against your ear and I’ll tell you that I’m just showing whoever wants to see it what I get to do to you. I get to make you come, as much as I want, whenever I want.” He took in a slow breath and raked his teeth over his lower lip before saying, “Fuck, I’m on the other side of the country and I’m making you come right now. David, right now.”

That worked. David shouted and whimpered, and Alan heard the bed rustle and squeak as he knew David was arching his hips from the bed, fucking into his own fist as he came onto his belly. Alan turned the phone away from his mouth again as he had to spend a while gasping. He could be getting himself off in fifteen seconds like a teenager right now if he wanted to. And, well, he did want to. But he was a fucking grown man with goddamn patience. No, he was.

David’s voice had gotten distant; he must have dropped the phone on the bed at some point. When he picked it up again he greeted Alan with the longest, most satisfied sigh in the world. Or at least top five. “Hi,” he said. “That was a very good story.”

“It was a fucking amazing story,” Alan said.

“It was,” David said. He sounded half asleep, peaceful and floating. Alan hoped he fell asleep just how he was, half undressed with spunk drying on his chest. “I feel very good now. And how are you doing?”

“Well, either the A/C will kick on and the change in air pressure will make me come in my pants,” he said, and David laughed, and Alan resolved to pick him up from the airport when he got back just so he could fuck him in the car. “Or I’m going to go upstairs, tell Liz about this, and she will laugh at you, and laugh at me, and then I will tell her a nice bedtime story too and probably have some very excellent sex.”

“Oh, that sounds nice,” David said.

“Doesn’t it?” Alan said, and took a moment to enjoy the sound of David’s calm breath. The way he was after was almost as good as the way he was during. “Oh, epilogue to my story.”

“Bedtime stories don’t usually have epilogues,” David said.

“Well, this one does, so shh,” Alan said. “I’ll make you come, and then we won’t clean off the window afterwards.”

David laughed, sounding just so happy. “Gross,” he said. “Rude.”

“It’ll be a landmark. They’ll start charging double for the room.”

“Inappropriate,” David said, and then sighed again. “You’re the best.”