I have great news! I've found approximately 1.2 million dollars under the cushions of the couch in my office! Ha ha ha! I didn't really find it in the couch (there are monsters under there). The truth is actually a long and relatively boring story that I will tell you now.

After consulting with my team of accountants and reviewing our various accounts, I've discovered that the company has a surplus of available cash. This cash is spread out over several checking accounts collecting dust. As this money isn't part of our working capital, and our operating expenses are manageable, we would be better served by placing and investing it wisely.

To this end, I have a plan, and I would like to present my placement strategy to you at my earliest possible convenience! I'll be by in 5 minutes!

Icarus: About the excess cash in our accounts! The 1.2 million dollars that we need to put to work!

Bruno: Oh that! Let's just go to Vegas and play craps for a day or two.

Icarus: Oh god no sir! Why gamble the company's money away when we can let the bankers gamble it away for us? Ha ha ha!

Bruno: Good one, Icky.

Icarus: Okay, but seriously, I have a classic plan to make this money grow. We split the cash into thirds: one third for short, one third for medium, and one third for long term investments.

Bruno: But three thirds equals one, and one is the loneliest number.

Icarus: Yes sir, but what? No wait... you will love this plan! Let me tell you all about it!

Good Day USA: Personal Banking (Scene 2 of 4)Jean visits a bank

Jean: Oh, this line is long...

Teller: Good morning sir, how can I help you?

Jean: Yes, hello! I would like to open a savings account please.

Teller: You'll need to make an appointment with a bank officer to do that, sir.

Jean: But you are a bank officer!

Teller: No sir, I'm a teller. I can arrange an appointment with an officer right now if you like.

Jean: Yes please! Can I come back this afternoon? My name is Jean Marron.

Teller: Yes, you're in luck. One of our officers, Ms Tetley, is free at 3PM.

Jean: Perfect! I will come back after lunch.

Teller: All right. As you haven't banked with us before, let me give you this introductory guide. You can read it over lunch. Oh, and don't forget to bring your driver's license, passport and a recent utility bill.

Jean: I remember!

Good Day USA: Personal Banking (Scene 3 of 4)Jean reads his New United Bank information pack

Dear New United Bank customer,

Thank you for choosing to bank with United. This introductory guide is intended to summarize our most popular savings accounts, so that you can choose the account that is right for you.

The Student Savings Account
Designed with college students in mind, this account has a low minimum balance: only $100. We know that college isn't cheap, but with United Bank, you'll be able to earn interest on what little money you do have. We also offer a free beer fridge as a welcome gift when you deposit over $4000 in your account.

The Young Professional Savings Account
If you're just starting out on your career path, this is the account for you. We understand your needs, and offer a competitive interest rate on your money. Perhaps you're saving to buy an apartment, or planning a family: we'll help you out every step of the way. You'll even get a special rate on our home buyer loan when the time comes.

The Executive Super Gold Savings Account
This is the account for our more discerning clients. We require a minimum balance of at least $7000 for you to open an Executive Super Gold Savings Account. The returns on your money are spectacular, and guarantee you'll be able to live the lifestyle you've become accustomed to, even when you're senile. This account offers fixed-rate interest, because we understand that some of our customers are afraid of change.

Good Day USA: Personal Banking (Scene 4 of 4)Jean returns to the bank

Jean: Hello hello! I am Jean Marron, I have a rendezvous with Mrs Tetley at 3PM.

Teller: Ms Tetley, yes. Step this way please sir.

Ms Tetley: Hello, please sit down. So... Jean Marron. I believe you want to open an account with us.

Jean: Yes, that's it. I would like to open a savings account today please.

Ms Tetley: What an interesting accent you have there. Do you have the three pieces of identification we asked for?

Ms Tetley: Ok! Fine! I think we should get you started with our Young Professional Savings Account. I just need to run a check on your banking history. Then you can sign this contract, and we'll open your account!