Pages

Thursday, January 30, 2014

“What you work full
time? And you have two Kids? Awww, I am so sorry for you.”

“That must be so hard,
poor you.”

“That’s difficult,
hang in there.”

These are the responses
I hear when telling people I work full-time and have kids.

However, the best
responses come from my favorite group The Holier-than-thou-judgmental parents...

“What about your kids?”

“Your poor kids, they
must miss you?”

Or some don’t even
have to say a word; they just give me that Oh-you-are-a-shitty-mother look.

However, they shouldn't feel sorry for me, I love it. It was a choice I made for myself and my family. And guess what? My kids don’t miss me at all! And that is
fantastic!

The office...

Since working full time, I am becoming the person I once was: happy, positive and self-confident.

You see, I worked part
time for 5 years. I stayed home with my babies and I spent every waking hour with them. And I wasn't happy. I know it sounds
ungrateful, but trust me I enjoyed every second I could between tackling the
piles of laundry, washing the floors, running errands, taking kids to
appointments, grocery shopping and all the other household management tasks PLUS working two or three days a week. I was
exhausted and the enjoyable moments with my kids came after all of these
tasks were completed. And by that time, I was too tired to enjoy them.

Not to mention, my self-esteem plummeted during those 5 years. I was overwhelmed and exhausted which allowed my insecurity as a parent to grow into an uncontrollable monster. I was spread thin and expected to do more than I was capable of, not only at home but also at work. I was expected to be full time at both places, impossible for me.

Then an opportunity
came up to work full-time when my youngest started school. So I took a leap! I started
working full time again, and my life has changed forever, for the good.

Going back to a full-time work schedule has taught me one of the greatest lessons in life: Life is
not about quantity, it’s about quality. And now I realize that every moment I
have with my babies is a gift. I am able to really enjoy them, have fun with
them and watch them grow into these amazing little people.

You might be thinking,
yeah yeah so cliché. I can understand that, but for me it is true.

Let me give you a peek
into my moments:

Every morning if my
babies aren't already snuggled up beside me by 7am, I bring them into my bed. Then we snuggle while waking-up and talk about the dreams we had that night.

We go on imaginative
adventures together, if only for 10 minutes, we are
swept away to whatever world they discovered in their dreams.

We
cuddle until the last moment and our morning routine begins. Soon, we are on the way to school where I
cuddle them even more and listen to the latest gossip about their friends. I kiss them a hundred times and smell their sweet smell only a mother can love. The last bell rings for school to begin and I stampede out with the rest of the parents.

They begin their day at school and I am on my
45 minute commute to work, smiling the entire way, thinking about what a great
day it was even if it ended at that moment.

Then after work, no matter how shitty of a day I have had, I jump into my car and rush
home to see their cherub-like little faces. The entire drive home
I can hardly wait to hear what they had done during the day.

I walk in the door and for five minutes I am a rock star. They are screaming with joy, showering me with kisses and telling me about the most exciting part of their day!

After dinner, I put my daughter to bed and we tell each other "secrets" about our favorite moments of the day. I lie with her in bed until she is off to dreamland.

Then I have about 45 special Mommy-and-Luca-time with my son. We read, we talk or we watch a nature show, all the while snuggling on the couch. We go to our own world for those 45 minutes. I really can't explain it in words. It's only something we can understand.

I finally tuck him in bed and already look forward to them waking-up the next morning.

These are moments I probably had with them when I didn't work as much, but to be honest they weren't pleasant. My patience was always thin from exhaustion and frustration. Back then, my kids sucked energy from me and now they give me all the energy in the world. Back then, I would spend the weekend wishing I could escape. Now I spend my weekend soaking up every second with my kids and loving it.

Even though I am not there to pick them up from school in the afternoon or to cook them dinner, I still believe I made the best choice going back to work for myself but also for my kids.Our family is living proof that a happy mama makes a happy child!PS...this is just my story, I know mothers who are successful at working part-time and raising kids...I am just not one of them.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

I feel horrible for not having the time to post anything lately, even though I have lots to tell you. But hopefully soon I can recover from the holiday craziness and the war against the lice to actually post something new. Here is a guest post from last year on the Amsterdam Mamas website...

Hold On and Never Let Go“You will never have a child of your own,” uttered my fertility doctor as he stood there like a block of ice. “There is just nothing we can do for you at this point.”Standing up from his desk, he quickly ushered me into the hallway telling me to make an appointment for a follow-up in a few months.I remember walking down the hall to the lobby, nurses staring at me like I was walking down death row. Sympathetic eyes, distant eyes and eyes that just seemed to pass over me. It seemed like the entire office knew my sentence, but no one said a word.It was torture for me as I sat there in the waiting room looking out over the landscape of pregnant bellies. There were rows of bellies, in all shapes and sizes, and I seemed to be the only one without a bump. The diagnosis played in my head over and over again like a broken record: “Premature Ovarian Failure, Premature Ovarian Failure, Nothing further we can do for you.”I was 33 years-old, and I felt like my life had ended. My lifelong dream to become a mother shattered. Premature Ovarian Failure (POF) meant that my ovaries were empty, and I was in a sort of early menopause. I had gone off the pill just nine months prior, and I was so excited to have a baby after years of focusing on my education and career. I was finally at a point in my life where it felt like the right time.I was arrogant thinking I could easily get pregnant. Both my mother and grandmother had four kids, so of course I assumed I was fertile. But the only thing I did not factor in was that, yes they had children, but they were in their early twenties. This condition is hereditary and both were finished with menopause by age 40. I was too late, and I had an egg count and FSH hormone level at menopausal level to prove it.

The Louse who stole Christmas - This was/still is as of today, the ultimate test after all the miles I gained in building my confidence as a mother and general member of the female population. There are more posts to come about this one...

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Don't most if us make resolutions every year only to fail by the end of January?

I know I do. Every year I have the best of intentions to either get healthy, enjoy life, become a better writer, to even become a writer, to spend more time with my kids, to kick my sugar addition or to kick my Candy Crush addition...the list could go on forever and it wouldn't matter because I always fail.

By February I am feeling like the biggest loser (not the good kind like on TV) and get a bit down on myself for not being able to keep it up. And the failure cycle begins.

Every year it's the same, life gets in the way of my goals! Damn you life! Why is it every time I try to better myself you sabotage my best intentions?

Not this year! Nope, this year I am just gonna live. Of course, I will try to eat healthier, exercise more and enjoy 2014 to the fullest, but I will do it my way, no pressure. I will do it because I truly want to do it.

However, right now, on 2 January 2014, I don't feel much like making any changes. After eating candy for breakfast and dreaming about cheesecake for lunch, I can tell you today is not the day. Nope, today I will just live. Maybe tomorrow when I wake up I will feel the need to make a change in my life.

Besides, I am too exhausted from the holidays and all the nit picking. My scalp is raw from Listerine and Prioderm and most probably full of dead bugs and hatching eggs. That's life. Bring it on 2014!!!