Poetry, Thoughts, Stories…

Abnormal test results …

So my gynecologist called today and said that my test results came back “abnormal”. Of course the usual don’t worry it could be nothing we will check again in six month – conversation- ensued. If in six months the same result then more tests and biopsy.

I have always had gynecological problems. I have had Polycystic ovaries since prior to puberty and although I lack the usual symptoms of weight gain and acne or a lot of body hair, I just would not ovulate all through out my teens. So for the last 17 years I’ve been on birth control pills to help regulate the issue (you name it I’ve been on it – Yasmin, femiane, alesse, microgynon, qlaira and now novynette).

Whenever the cysts start to grow I would go on a 500 or 1000 mg glucofage dose for a six months (which I am on right now) to try to tame them.

I’ve always had strange looking cervical cell but the tests usually would come back normal.. although I did a cryosurgery maybe 8 years ago to see if that would help the cells didn’t appear to really change. And now I’m here with this “abnormal” result.

I think it’s more frustration than even worry or anger or anything right now because it’s years of being on the pill and of course medication and here I am at 33 with no children and looking at.. Who knows.. Abnormal cells… Cancer… Infertility… I’m just tired of the whole thing.

I’ve always known the likelihood of infertility so maybe that’s why I’m not as upset as I could be… I always said when I turned 40 (and clearly would not be trying for any children at that age) that I would just get a hysterectomy and get it over with.

But when I got the news I couldn’t help but feel that maybe I had waited too long and should have just tried for a child years ago… even though things had not been ideal at the time or maybe I should just try now in a last ditch effort. But while its at the back of my mind I still can’t say that I whole heartedly feel that way. A big part of my still feels that I don’t think that’s the path for me.

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6 thoughts on “Abnormal test results …”

I hope everything works out for the best and the tests become normal when they do them again in six months. This is not easy to deal with. I have dealt with poly-cystic ovaries, endometriosis, and fibromyalgia for much of my life, and hope they reach some break-through for you if at all possible. Sending warm wishes your way.

Thank you.. Yes right now I think I need to sleep on it and maybe I will not feel so much anxiety about it and the idea of waiting six months just to “see”. It always feels never ending just going from one doctor visit to the next year in and year out! I hope you are doing well also

Thank you. I am. These things were the bane of my existence, I lost jobs because of how bad the fibromyalgia got, and the others made me wonder if having a child someday would be any worse than the pain I went through from 7-9 days every month. I thank the Lord daily now because about two and a half months ago, I received prayer through the biblical laying on of hands from a woman anointed with a healing ministry, and Jesus Christ took all my pain away. I now know what “normal” feels like, and just that thought still makes me cry. I will be praying for you and your outcome. Six months is a long time to wait.