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Author
Topic: I'm in the hospital.... again. (Read 18779 times)

Yeah. Looks like I'm stuck on these meds until Monday or Tuesday at the earliest. The difficulty with the situation is that my ID doc is at one hospital about an hour and a half south of the hospital I was sent to due to a lack of beds. Otherwise, I'm pretty sure my doc would have come to see my on the unit to discuss this. Whug! It certainly doesn't help that I'm beyond nauseous either. Hopefully the zofran helps with that a little!

I hope you feel better. You have mentioned your intention to change meds. One thing to consider which may be a factor to your doctor is the combination you are on, Reyataz, norvir, Truvada is one of if not the best combinations for people who may not be 100% adherent with their meds. It is the preferred choice for those who may have psychiatric issues that could cause them to miss doses. People who fail treatment due to non adhrenece who are on R/T/N often times will not develop resistance. It seems resonable to attempt to stabalize your psychiatric issues with other medication while continuing on your current path. Of course its your decision. I just wanted to mention that since it hasnt been brought up.

I hope you feel better. You have mentioned your intention to change meds. One thing to consider which may be a factor to your doctor is the combination you are on, Reyataz, norvir, Truvada is one of if not the best combinations for people who may not be 100% adherent with their meds. It is the preferred choice for those who may have psychiatric issues that could cause them to miss doses. People who fail treatment due to non adhrenece who are on R/T/N often times will not develop resistance. It seems resonable to attempt to stabalize your psychiatric issues with other medication while continuing on your current path. Of course its your decision. I just wanted to mention that since it hasnt been brought up.

I'm sure if this is surprising or not, but I am amazingly adherent to my medication, both ARV and others. I set alarms left and right to take my ARVs and also take my other meds with excellent consistency, even when I'm not doing well. I'm not one of those people who stops taking their medicine when they are not feeling good, or contrastingly, when they are feeling better. I know I need my meds to help me and I take them as prescribed.

Thanks Camille! I'm a little less nauseous this morning than I was last night. I'm not going home today like was planned. I'm still very depressed and there are concerns of suicidality. So I'm staying here at least until tomorrow. Good thoughts are appreciated.

Hang in there....the fact that you are aware of and can describe what you are thinking and how you are feeling is a really good sign.

I should also add, your willingness to post about this will most likely help someone else who is not as strong as you are. As you heal, you are supporting others to heal. Thank you for continuing to post and I am continuing to hope for happier thoughts and better feelings.

Thanks for the support. I really appreciate everyone reaching out to me.

Update: As if things couldn't get any worse I am now unable to pee, possibly due to medication side effects. And the nurse said they aren't going to do anything about it because ".... bladder won't burst, it will come out eventually". I guess she doesn't know how painful it will get before then!

Thanks for the support. I really appreciate everyone reaching out to me.

Update: As if things couldn't get any worse I am now unable to pee, possibly due to medication side effects. And the nurse said they aren't going to do anything about it because ".... bladder won't burst, it will come out eventually". I guess she doesn't know how painful it will get before then!

Ugh

odyssey

I hope you can pee soon on your own again. Perhaps your bladder won't burst, but it may damage your kidneys. Have you tried sitting on the toilet with the tab running ? The alternative is that the nurses will aid you..... (my personal experience: the nurses inserted a tube through my penis all the way into my bladder.) never understood why some people enjoy doing the "sounding" thing

Well, the bathroom situation has improved. Things are going again. However, my depression is really bad. I'm having strong urges to lie and tell the doctor I'm okay so I can just go home and end it. It takes remembering my friends here and my family to keep going. I hope they can help me, I am giving up hope of feeling better. I hope everyone here has a better morning than mine is.

strong urges to lie and tell the doctor I'm okay so I can just go home and end it.

lying to the docs to get out of the hospital is one thing (I once got out of a hospital AMA; but I was so sick with AIDS/PCP/Thrush I was expecting to die so I wanted to go home); but going home to "end it" is a whole other ball of wax.

I know it doesn't help you right now; but plenty of people here have been through a lot in the hospital too. We understand how much it sucks, how much it sucks being sick, and just how bad depression can get while in the hospital. But you have to hang in there! It's in the hospital with doctors, nurses, and medications that you will be able to get better. Unfortunately, in your case it's just taking some time.

All those other people who have been in the hospital didn't think they had the strength and fortitude to make it through; but they did. I've met you and know you too have the kind of personality that does have the strength inside to get through this challenge. Just take things 1 hour at a time if you have to to keep trudging through the days while the docs and meds do their thing and get you healthier.

There are a lot of people here, and I'm sure a lot of other people in your life, that are rooting for you, loving you, and hoping your outcome improves soon.

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leatherman (aka mIkIE)

All the stars are flashing high above the seaand the party is on fire around you and meWe're gonna burn this disco down before the morning comes- Pet Shop Boys chart from 1992-2015Isentress/Prezcobix

Odyssey, don't think of the current set-back as having lost the war - it was only one battle. Bide your time until you see the hiv doc again face-to-face when you can discuss treatment alternatives and remind him that he did the abacavir sensitivity test precisely for the reason of switching.

Look at it this way - if you had waited until you saw the specialist again, you'd still be waiting these few days. Did forcing the issue earlier really change things if you look at it that way? Not really. Your hiv specialist would have had to sign off on a treatment change either way, and you just had the bad luck of being in hospital over a holiday weekend when your doctor was unavailable.

Hang in there until you see the specialist - demand to see him at the earliest opportunity - and calmly talk to him and remind him that he cannot treat you without your permission. Being calm while talking to him is key. You're an intelligent young man and I know you can put your side of the argument across in a calm, reasoned and intelligent manner.

In the meantime, stay put! Don't leave until you've seen the specialist. We all love you and want NEED you to stick around. Your loved ones at home need you too.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Thank you so much for your replies. It really helps me feel stronger in the face of my current challenges knowing there are people, even those I haven't met in person, who truly care about me and support me. I will remain strong.

I have asked for a second opinion from an ID specialist here at the teaching hospital I am at, because my ID doc is at my regular hospital about 1.5 hours away. My mom and I discussed it and thought it might be a good idea to get a fresh set of eyes on my situation. Maybe the docs here are more familiar with HIV and mental health issues? Who knows...

Anyway, I will keep posting, maybe because it gives me something to do, but also because I like hearing from my friends too. Here's hoping to see all of you in DC next year!

Just make sure you're talking to a specialist experienced with hiv, not a novice, seeing as how you're at a teaching hospital. A less experienced doctor who is still learning may be reluctant to second-guess what's gone before.

Hang in there and remember, we're all thinking about you and we all care, very much. Keep the updates coming!

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Think of all the stories you'll have to tell us about this situation. LOL(ok, so it's not much of a silver lining; but at least, it's something. )

speaking of stories to share, how's the food? some hospitals have the crappiest food and some have great stuff that is managed like hotel room service. hopefully you've been having decent food. Anything special for the holiday??

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leatherman (aka mIkIE)

All the stars are flashing high above the seaand the party is on fire around you and meWe're gonna burn this disco down before the morning comes- Pet Shop Boys chart from 1992-2015Isentress/Prezcobix

There are several experienced doctors here. My doc actually trained under one of them I believe. I'll make sure I get one of the top docs and not just a resident.

The food is pretty good actually. I'd give it only two and a half stars (out of five) for variety, but an impressive four stars for taste. The desserts are particularly appealing, with double servings of four-layer chocolate cake, Boston cream pie, apple pie, and heavenly chocolate chip cookies being standard. Can you tell I'm a bit of a sugar junkie?

The chicken pot pie with biscuit a few nights ago was absolutely delicious too. I get the impression that many things are real as opposed to artificial (i.e. mashed potatoes). Overall keeping my appetite up when I would normally have lost it in the face of harsh depression.

For Thanksgiving we got a full spread of turkey and gravy, stuffing, whipped squash, mashed potatoes, roll, cranberry sauce, and pumpkin pie. And that was just lunch. For dinner we had an entire ham supper (with requisite apple pie for dessert)! Oy vey! I could barely walk to bed that night!

Now that I've made you all jealous of my eatings... I will keep my head up and keep going.

Oh... and I think I might have figured out what's wrong!! My meds, including the ARVs, most all seem to interact to INCREASE serotonin. There are like 19 interactions when I checked them all saying increase in serotonin. I'm wondering if my serotonin is actually too high and that is why I'm feeling awful?! Any thoughts from my comrades?

Oh... and I think I might have figured out what's wrong!! My meds, including the ARVs, most all seem to interact to INCREASE serotonin. There are like 19 interactions when I checked them all saying increase in serotonin. I'm wondering if my serotonin is actually too high and that is why I'm feeling awful?! Any thoughts from my comrades?

You might be on to something there. Serotonin reuptake inhibitors are involved in some classes of antidepressants. It would be worth looking into further, but stay on reputable sites when googling it. The Wiki article I linked you to could be a place to start. I'd look into it further for you myself, but I have to be somewhere in a half hour.

PS - when looking for drug interactions where ARVs are concerned, a good website to check out is hiv-druginteractions.org published by the gang at the University of Liverpool - including my own hiv pharmacologist doctor! (Saye Khoo - check him out in the About Us section)

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Thank you so much for your replies. It really helps me feel stronger in the face of my current challenges knowing there are people, even those I haven't met in person, who truly care about me and support me. I will remain strong.

I think there is also a special kitty out there that cares for you too! Of course you will remain strong. Human spirit and body is amazing when faced with obstacles.

Get to the bottom of all this, especially any drug interaction issues. Best!!

Hi Odyssey . I'm happy to hear you are getting stronger and determined to get well again . I enjoyed meeting you in Seattle and hope to meet you again .

I never had complications like you describe with my HIV meds but I did have a prolonged bout of moderate to severe depression when I began taking Atripla . At the time I didn't have any other good options so I stuck it out and managed to get better in time with the help from my doctor and the right antidepressant . Its great to hear you are in a safe place where you and your docs can work this out wether its a med change or additional meds to control the symptoms you are having . We are all a work in progress I suppose .

This afternoon I will be going home. I'm determined to make every new moment a positive (haha) chance to live my life to the fullest. I will be getting out into nature and the community more and not isolating myself in my apartment and my head like I was previously. My recovery is in my own hands. I can't expect others to do for me what I am not willing to do for myself.

Thanks for the update ... Please promise us you will reach out to us or go to the emergency room if things get too much to handle for you . I have to remember sometimes that Rome wasn't built in a day .

Thanks for checking in. I'm actually really struggling tonight. The thoughts of wanting to not be alive have come back strongly and I'm fighting them off. I'm at the public library trying to be around people and out of the dark (which I hate!). So far so good. I had to get my labs drawn for my ID doc visit in a couple weeks so that certainly didn't boost my mood any. Ugh. Does anyone else every wonder "why me"? Its moments like these that it briefly flies into my mind.

Please keep talking to me, it is really giving me something to hold on to.

Please keep talking to me, it is really giving me something to hold on to.

odyssey

Oddy are there any support groups that you can go to, a hot-line you can call? something to look into, do some research around your local metro area, you might be surprised what kinda support is really out there, you may even meet people who feel the same as you, REAL people not just on-line, start meeting people in real-time face to face the old fashion way, I did this, and it really helps. met some very interesting people tooright in my local metro area, some even wanted to be my friend

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"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

In seattle you can call 211 to be connected to the crisis line. Your community may have something similar. Its worth a try. If not, if you feel like you can get passed it dont be afraid to call 911 if u need to please.

My local metro area consists of a town of about 20,000 people. Call 911 what? So they can drag me back to the hospital only to send me home 6 hours later? Yeah, its happened to me a bunch of times before. I left a message for my therapist asking if he could see me as an emergency tonight, but who knows. I'm just so tired of fighting against my own mind that is trying to bring me down.

She doesn't want to deal with me. The other night she yelled at me for even feeling suicidal. I just don't know if I can do this anymore. I'm fighting but its not working.

Well, parents do get frightened and sometimes angry when they are scared for their children -- that needn't mean she doesn't want to deal with you, but rather that she loves you. She might be touched by the idea of a late Thanksgiving

But if that idea is unattractive, is there anything going on tonight, do you have a local LGBT center or similar youth center? Being around people sounds like a good idea.

I wish. I think things have reached a point beyond my ability to cope. I'm going to bring myself back to the hospital. I don't care if they laugh at me I'm not going to be responsible for my mom having a dead son.

I wish. I think things have reached a point beyond my ability to cope. I'm going to bring myself back to the hospital. I don't care if they laugh at me I'm not going to be responsible for my mom having a dead son.

I think going back to the hospital is the right and courageous thing to do Odyssey . Not only do you need to do this for yourself , there are many people who are counting on you to be around for a long time to come .

Hang-in-there Oddy, I've been where you are before, I suffer from Mental illness/ Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD),I sent you a PM ,if you wanna chat I'm here for you, but take your time, and only when your ready to, were all here for you Oddy

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"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

You're a wise man for deciding you need to go back to hospital. So many people can't make that realisation. We're here for you. You took care of some of us when we were not making the best decisions (ok well to tell the truth I was plastered and you took good care in getting us home.) So continue to take care of yourself however you need to do it!Abrazos muchos,Creighton