for the past months, i’ve felt a bit sloppy. i haven’t been my usual self in terms of dressing up.

people used to notice how well dressed i am. no, i’m really not a fashion-savvy person. i don’t wear the trendiest of clothes or the latest in fashion. but people always compliment me with the outfits that i wear and how well i carry myself. and lately, i haven’t gotten any of that.

plus, i haven’t updated my wardrobe for more than a year now. my latest buys were mostly plain t-shirts, which of course, i cannot wear at the office. just imagine how kupas my so little available wardrobe is.

and for weeks, i have been itching to buy new clothes to the point that i’m having anxiety attacks. lol.

so last sunday, i shopped like crazy (with my mom in tow :D). i think i bought a whole week’s worth of new outfits. though my pocket is quite sad, but my aparador is, i’m sure, very happy.

i’m really pleased with the purchases i’ve made. i was able to buy:

- a gray pants (for the first time)- a black-on-black pinstripe pants- a pinstripe, maroon short-sleeved polo- a striped brown long-sleeved polo- a striped navy blue long-sleeved polo- a muted gray long-sleeved polo- a gray long-sleeved shirt- 2 pairs of sneakers (which i was able to buy for the price of 1. so happy!)- 3 undies :D

and on the next payday, i will buy me some more. hahahaha. maybe i’ll buy a new pair of dark denim jeans and maybe some more long-sleeved polo. i will be sticking to the basics (as suggested by my partner).

oh! also, maybe a new pair of leather shoes. excited. lol.

and yes, everything i’m wearing today is new. down to the underwear. hahaha

“It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like ‘What about lunch?’” – Winnie-the-Pooh ---------------------------------------------------------------

“I will not play tug o' war. I'd rather play hug o' war. Where everyone hugs instead of tugs, Where everyone giggles and rolls on the rug, Where everyone kisses, and everyone grins, and everyone cuddles, and everyone wins.” – Shel Silverstein----------------------------------------------------------------------

i could clearly remember it.

it was a june afternoon.

as i exited the airport doors with my trolley in one hand and 2 boxes of krispy kreme on the other.

“May you never forget what is worth remembering, nor ever remember what is best forgotten” – Irish Proverb ---------------------------------------------------------------

earlier today, i was browsing through the chat archives of my ym. i have this habit of reading old ym conversations i had with friends. i usually laugh at the things that i say and stuff that my friends and i talk about. it's really fun to look back and reminisce.

then, i stumbled upon the chat that i had with my ex. it was one of those very few chats that we’ve had on ym. very short conversations actually. nothing really special.

what really caught me was last conversation that we’ve had. it was the conversation three months after the last time i’ve heard from him. i was already starting to move on at that time. but a part of me was still hoping that we could still have another chance of getting back together. in short, i was still holding on.

so, he went online on ym. i summed up the courage to message him and said hi. then, a couple of kumustahan and updating.

lee: it was nice to talk to you againex: thanks leeex: same hereex: ingat ka lage halee: yep i amlee: ikaw din take care of urself alwaysex: :)lee: ei sori nga pala last time haex: saan?lee: ung last text ko sayolee: medyo nagalit kasi ako nunlee: soriex: di ko maalalaex: wala ka namang nasabi ahlee: hehehe oklee: pero just the samelee: sorrylee: akala ko kasi galit ka sakinex: wala yuni really didn’t know why i asked for an apology. maybe at that time i thought that i could be the one to blame why he left me for no reason at all. i guess i felt a bit guilty. after that conversation, i actually felt a whole lot better. i think it was at that moment that i told myself that i have to move on and be over about him.

i love to hold on to memories like a child to a balloon. but sometimes there really is a time to let go and appreciate the freedom that comes along with it.

and then, he made his way through my life again with this incident. lol.

“A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.” – Roald Dahl ---------------------------------------------------------------

it’s been a while since i’ve written anything here. a lot of things have happened during the past months but i just didn’t have the energy to write.

work (and stress) has eaten so much of my time in the office that i barely get a chance to do my usual “intense” bloghopping like before. and when i get home, i just want to plop down on the bed, just laze around and watch the television mindlessly. i just want my brain to be devoid of thinking.

being comfortable isn’t necessarily bad. it’s when we could truly be ourselves. but it depends on what you do with that comfort. some use it positively, continue to work at their relationship and grow together. but, others allow it to create distance. and for marissa and i, it made us take each other for granted.

- strangers, again

fell in love with this short film. simple and not pretentious, in my opinion. plus, i'm just a sucker for "sad happy endings". haha

relationships, they say, goes through different stages. however, it is not always linear. there are turns and tons of surprises. and it’s up to the couple how they drive through their journey. different strokes for different folks, so they say. that’s what’s good about relationships. it offers different routes couples can thread on. together.

"An empty book is like an infant's soul, in which anything may be written. It is capable of all things, but containeth nothing. I have a mind to fill this with profitable wonders." - Thomas Traherne ---------------------------------------------------------------

"It's big. Obviously we're a little less star-struck than guys who haven't been here before. It can catch you off-guard at first." - Levon Kendall ------------------------------------------------------------------

okay, so here’s what happened today.

i had lunch with derek. derek ramsay.

i also shook his big, firm hands.

and i was just two seats away from him in a program later that night.

here’s more.

i also saw aljur. aljur abrenica.

we had a close encounter in the rest room.

and he serenaded me later in the same program as the one derek attended.

"Is it not pleasant to learn with a constant perserverance and application?" - Confucius--------------------------------------------------------------

i am not chinese.

but i grew up as one.

a lot of people ask me if i am chinese. i always answer them “no, i only studied in a chinese school and i only look like one”. and i always get a somewhat surprised reaction.

for the 12 years of my school life before college, i was in a crowd full of chinese kids. i was one of the very few students who is not chinese. and being in that kind of environment i think made me the person that i am today. i can’t pin-point exactly, but there times when i say to myself that i am acting too chinese.

i remember every time our school celebrates its foundation day, i always pray that i’d be pick to participate in one of those chinese dances. i’ve always wanted to do that martial arts dance, the one with the giant fan. but i was never picked. i only got to do those chinese speech choirs. Most of which i don’t even care to understand.

up until now, there are still chinese songs that i have memorized, well mostly. I smile everytime i remember our chinese graduation song in high school.

peng you i sheng i chi chou. na she reh chr poo tsay you. lol

too bad, i took for granted all the chinese lessons that i had. i can understand the language but i could never really speak it fluently.

i visited my alma mater during the chinese new year’s eve to witness their celebration. and it brought back fond memories. memories of learning. memories of friendships. memories of growing up.

“A mighty pain to love it is, and 'tis a pain that pain to miss. But of all pains, the greatest pain it is to love, but love in vain." - Abraham Cowley -------------------------------------------------------------------

“Three is a charm. Two is not the same. I don't see the harm. So are you game? – Britney Spears (3)”-------------------------------------------------------------

it has always been the three of us. well, not really always. most of time.

that was how we were in college – me, close friendand straight crushie friend. one was never without the other two. in the school library, the cafeteria, the gazebo and just about anywhere else. eventhough the three of us had different personalities, those times really bonded us together. after college, though we didn’t get to see each other regularly, we talk and laugh as if we still see each other everyday. that’s how we are until now.

last monday, we went out for a dinner and movie date. just the three of us.

but here’s the scenario:

straight crushie friend confessed to me that he has had a sort of affection for close friend since college, but, he was in a relationship at that time.

straight crushie friend is single now.

close friend and i has a huge crush on straight crushie friend since college until now.

close friend was single then but is in a relationship right now.

straight crushie friend and close friend mutually likes each other without the other knowing it.

in short, i am nowhere in this scenario. lol.

anyway, when i got home after the “date”, straight crushie friend said that he thought it was just him and close friend who was going out. i jokingly told him that had i known he thought of this, i wouldn’t have come and joined them. i have always felt that since college there was a sort of strong tension or chemistry between them two. and honestly, i felt a little bit of jealousy.