Skyscraper: To those with a few broken windows…

July 31, 2018

A few years ago when I heard the song Sky Scraper (Demi Lovato) for the first time, I immediately saved it to a playlist of songs that make me feel powerful. This song isn’t an upbeat typical exercise song, but I’ve found that it’s very special. Whether you are in the midst of a difficult relapse, a flare, a deep depression, etc… it’s for you.

The song opens with “Skies are crying, I am watching. Catching tear drops in my hands. Only silence has it’s endings, like we never had a chance. Do you have to make me feel like there’s nothing left of me?”

In my darkest hours, my pain feels like a person with a personal vendetta. My illness sometimes feels like an abusive relationship that keeps knocking on my door, trying to take just one more thing from me. In those dark times it truly feels like there’s nothing left, not even relief.

“You can break everything I am, like I’m made of glass. Like I’m made of paper. Go on and try to tear me down, I will be rising from the ground like a skyscraper.“

This part of the song chokes me up every time I sing along. If you have been through the dirt, like many of us have, you almost cannot sing it without holding a fist in the air. This is for all of us; this is every one of us who would dare to say “Go ahead, throw another rock at me… I have more and more windows, and I’m just getting taller.”

As I watched the news circulate the story about Demi’s relapse, I felt heart broken. Who are we to throw rocks at another woman’s skyscraper? Whether that’s Demi, or your best friend in Yoga class… tearing another person down when they struggle is like voting for the other team… the abusive ex.

“As the smoke clears I awaken and untangle you from me. Would it make you feel better to watch me while I bleed? All my windows still are broken, but I’m standing on my feet.”

Sometimes the hardest part of my illness is when it begins to feel woven in with what makes me me. I know some people feel like their illness is a significant part of who they are, this sentiment is not what I am referring to. Woven in; meaning the frustration and the bitterness linger and the whole experience begins to feel like weakness on our parts. This is what we must untangle ourselves from. This illness doesn’t get to change my name: Wimp, Faker, Needy, Angry, etc. Those lies are just hanging around to watch us bleed. The lies are out for blood, and we may bleed… but we are still standing.

“Go run run run, I’m gonna stay right here. Watch you disappear, yeah oh. Go run run run yeah it’s a long way down, but I am closer to the clouds up here.”

We do not win by being perfect, chances are if you are reading this you have a skyscraper with a few broken windows as well. Please know this… you are far more intimidating standing there with your windows shattered. It gives me goose bumps.

I’m not talking about the haters who show up in full force to throw rocks, there will always be hecklers and haters. I’m talking about the lies they throw that cannot take you down. Why? Because you are an enormous skyscraper, with a titanium foundation going deep into the ground.

Maybe it’s depression, bipolar, or anxiety… maybe it’s Lyme, POTS or MS. Maybe it doesn’t have a label yet, maybe people don’t even know you’re struggling… you are a skyscraper of strength in a world that’s imperfect. I know what you are, even if those around you do not.

Maybe you do not have a support system right now, please feel free to reach out to myself or other Mighty contributors. We’d be happy to listen, or help you find people who have a similar struggle.

People will throw rocks; we won’t teach them to change by throwing rocks back, but by standing up to them as the giants that we are… quietly challenging them to rise to meet us.