Sunday, September 16, 2007

Singular Bliss

Last night I enjoyed what I can only describe as one of those 'single moments'. Sitting on the sofa quite late at night, watching tele, zapping a bit, then seeing that BBC2 is doing a 'catch up' evening of 'Heroes'. It's already 10.30pm and there are six episodes but you think, hey, what the hell, I'll catch up.

And I did. All six episodes except that I'd seen the last two so went to bed around 2am in the middle of the last one.

There are all sorts of pros and cons to being in a relationship, but the most glaring con in my opinion is that there is always someone else around, and they have expectations of you.

Say, for example, on Saturday nights you usually go to bed after a certain show. If you wanted to watch all six episodes of 'Heroes' you'd have to think about it, worry whether the other person would throw a strop because he was wanting nooky or go to bed without being disturbed in the middle of the night, and you'd have to explain, reason, justify.

You couldn't just sit there and do it. Sometimes you don't want to explain, reason, justify, negotiate; you just want to 'do'. But the other person expects you to behave in a certain way, because you usually do, and when you feel like doing something else, you are in fact setting up a chain reaction of spoiling things. Spoiling their expectations of you and thus their cosy rapport with you, and spoiling the thing you want to do because there is no particular reason for doing it other than just because you want to then and there, but having to think about it ruins the pleasure.

So my enjoyment of those episodes was all the sweeter because I was free to watch or not watch or stop watching half-way through. Singular bliss!

6 comments:

Welcome to a special world! I choose my programme, I spend a penny with the door open, I eat when I'm hungry and I sleep when I'm tired! I get up and paint in the middle of the night - the list is endless.....

Being "seule" is not always a choice, but there are inspite of that some damn good advantages....the greatest being perhaps "le libre arbitre"...I CHOOSE!

Agree, NG! Isn't it lovely to be your own 'libre arbitre'? That was a very, very, plus side when I divorced - suddenly being able to do what I wanted, when I wanted and how I wanted!Although now with G, he lives 800km away, so only manages to get down every second weekend (carbon footprints?!) and although the weekends he isn't here I miss him horribly, when my favourite son is often off on adventures with his chums, I love a weekend of doing NOTHING if I want to, and just crash on the sofa, watching totally awful TV programmes or DVDs, eating at all hours, or not at all, and apart from taking the dog on walks, just doing as I wish!Am I a hedonist?

If you are a hedonist....me too!!!! Your "twin" description of a lovely weekend is so much the same that I could have written it myself. All those ghastly tear-jerk things on the tv, funny meals at any time, my little hairy friend off for a walk, and snoozes any old time, then DVD...heaven.

Most of those who are fond of me think it's a shame I'm alone.....but is it really alone? Super friends, a job/passion/pastime I love - and all the things just mentioned....if my health did not cause a problem it might just be heaven.....except I don't have the 800kms away guy turning up from time to time...dommage.

Well, I wish I had got to the point of enjoying my single state...but I'm not there yet. I can't really do what I want because I have three - often four or five - ados at the (minuscule) house and I certainly couldn't 'spend a penny' with the door open...

I miss having someone to talk to in the evenings. And I'd appreciate someone to share the problems that seem to be queueing up to torment me at the moment. Actually, I miss sharing full stop.

On the other hand, it IS nice to have a whole double bed to myself and to be untidy without being accused of deliberate sabotage.