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I feel like I want to cry. Then, ask a question

I am the mother to a 7.5 month boy. I work two part-time jobs and (with travel time) am gone 55 hours a week. I work so hard to pump for my son who is in daycare while I work. I have been suspicious that he is overfed by daycare. When I ask daycare to feed him less, I am told "Well, he's hungry so we feed him". Daycare is giving more solids now that he's older but I'm barely able to keep up and have been thawing some of my frozen stash to keep up.

Today, I had to send thawed breastmilk to daycare due to having a GI bug earlier in the week leading to dehydration and low pump output. When my babysitter picked up my son, she asked about any extra (unused) bottles but was sent home without the one un-used bottle. Since it was a bottle of thawed milk, daycare will have to dump it on Monday. This alone makes me want to cry. Then, I come home and my husband is giving my son a 3 ounce bottle of pumped milk. Despite me texting and saying I will be home in an hour. My husband says "Well, I didn't want him to be hungry". To which I say "Why not give him 1 ounce instead of 3 ounces". I want to cry--I feel like no one who gives DS a bottle understands how hard I work to balance work, driving, pumping and BF (when I'm at home). I feel like everyone says "It's great that you want to breastfeed" but everyone treats a bottle of EBF like it's something I can just whip-up with minimal time and effort like formula.

Part of why I want to cry? My at-home pump output is nil. Case in point: I tried to pump at 6 AM. Got 1/2 ounce from both breasts despite not BFing since 2 AM. Tried to pump at work at 9 AM. Total of 1 ounce between both breasts. Pumped at 12 noon at work? 6 ounces total. My at-home pumping is almost always minimal which makes it hard to try to increase my output. At work, I get around 1-1.5 ounces per hour (between both breasts) and am generally pleased with that output (except when I had the GI bug). But, my morning and evening pumping at home gets me little milk. I used to have great output (honestly had oversupply and didn't pump at home for months to avoid worsening oversupply) and am not used to this problem.

Part of my uncertainty comes from exactly how much EBF an 8 month old should eat. I know the 1 oz/hr from 1-6 months but am not sure after that time. My daycare says he wants to eat 16 ounces from 7 AM to 4 PM (which is 9 hours) in addition to solids and I'm not sure that I can argue with them.

Any ideas how to increase at-home pumping production? Also, how to keep from crying? I swore I would only go back to work FT if I could keep providing for my son and I love EBF but I have started to hate my pump and worry obsessively about my supply. Which doesn't help my supply leading to more worrying about supply. Oh, the vicious cycle.

Re: I feel like I want to cry. Then, ask a question

The expectation stays the same. Breastmilk grows and changes with them as they get older so they never need more like formula babies. It's still 1-1.5oz for every hour away from you. So the outside most he should hsve while away from you is 12oz. Push back. A 4oz difference a day is huge in terms of keeping up with pumping. It's a 20oz differnce a week. And EVERYONE should be instructed to hold off and withhold bottles the last hour before you get there. That is Breastfeeding 101. Both your DH and your DCP need to respect that rule.

Re: I feel like I want to cry. Then, ask a question

I have a few suggestions.

One, go ahead and cry. What you are doing is HARD. I know it's not politically correct to say it but-it can be really really hard for a mom to be away from her baby all day every day. This is just a biological fact and all the political correctness on the world won't change it. If baby is not being cared for in a way you are 100 % comfortable with, that just makes it way harder. And if you are struggling to provide baby with your milk and feeling unsupported, then you got a triple whammy. So, find a shoulder and cry. Then, get busy. You are the MOM and you know what is best for you and your baby.
One, get your pump checked out. Yes a lower output may actually be due to the pump. Your pump manufacturer can give you trouble shooting info.
two: what is with your day care provider? Are they the only ones in town? (They might be, seriously I am asking.) Because I do not understand how they can tell you how they are going to feed your baby. That is not how it works. They work for YOU. YOU tell THEM how they are going to feed your baby. nicely
3) do you have to be back at work full time, right now? i hate to even suggest it-i am not in any way trying to start a debate. but the fact is, some families who never thought they could, do figure out workable alternatives when mom working long hours is causing too many problems. just a thought.
4) what about not pumping when at home with baby? Or not as much? If you are exhausting yourself, that may be counterproductive.

Re: I feel like I want to cry. Then, ask a question

I'm a newbie, I haven't been BF as long as you (LO is 4 mos) but just wanted to tell you hang in there. I've been back to work for a month now and also have a long commute. Pumping is the pits and I also get stressed about supply. I've read on other posts about taking fenugreek to increase supply. I'm not sure how much H2O you are drinking but if it's not enough, maybe get one of those big plastic insulated cups (the ones w/ handle & straw) and keep it filled and with you at all times. I do this at home and find myself well hydrated (more so than work) and supply is always better at home. Also, could you keep some powder formula on hand in case of emergency (don't mean to offend you)? I have one at home and told hubby to only use if there was no BM left (that way I know baby won't go hungry in a worst case, knowing this helps to ease the pressure/stress off of me). In any case, hang in there, you sound like a wonderful mama who couldn't take any better care LO!

Re: I feel like I want to cry. Then, ask a question

I would be a total wreck...seriously. you are a champ for working so hard with all these misinformed people. I would challenge the day care, give them less to work with, you are the mom. I have had to fight back with doctors about my personal choices for my child and its made me feel really uncomfortable and angry. We are the moms!
I wanted to encourage you on the pumping front, I have done the obsessive worrying thing about every pump output. I think I've had a few small nervous breakdowns because of a bad measurement. I have low supply so I could never build a stash and have had to deal with formula supplementing. Not fun. You are so awesome for having a stash and you are totally justified in caring about every last oz.
I found that stressing out affected my pumping. When I had some mothers milk tea (its cheap on amazon) and a hot shower I always pumped better. Consider a hospital grade pump...my output improved with one. Also, try pumping for a few minutes and then come back 10-15 minutes later and doing it again...I figured this out when my output changed and my nipples became more accustomed to pumping...the nipples and how they are stimulated in a babies mouth trigger those letdowns. Give your nipples a break so they can relax and be stimulated again.
If you feel like your supply has really gone down, try a galactagogue like more milk plus or more milk special blend...also affordable on amazon.
But relax if you can...if you have a day or afternoon off, nurse the whole day and spend it absorbed with your baby.
I wish you could stay at home more with your baby...I wonder if you could do anything differently to cut back on how much you are gone...I am a stay at home mom and I cant imagine being away from my son....and trying to breastfeed? I'd really breakdown. Too much pressure. I don't want to preach or judge, but we could really use a second income but I budget the crud out of our lives and I just go without at times to stay home. Maybe you are your only source of income...I don't know, I do know that you are the best person to be with your child though...not those daycare people. I wish I could help you stay home.
You are doing so well...working 10 times harder than so many others would. Trust your instincts and defend yourself and your choices for your baby.

Re: I feel like I want to cry. Then, ask a question

I really feel for you mama. Like pp said, this is the triple whammy and it is so, so hard.

I also agree with pp that if you can find a way to decrease your working hours, that might be something to consider. But, if you cannot---could you take a couple of days off work for a little nursing vacation? Maybe have a long weekend and just spend those days cuddle up with LO and nursing lots and lots. It may help with any supply problems and would probably just help you to feel more connected and more in control of the feeding.

Whatever you do, I agree that DH and DC MUST get with the program and they MUST respect what you tell them to do with regards to feeding. My DH stays home with our LO when i am working and I find that it has been helpful to make up all the bottles before I leave with specific instructions as to which bottle is given when. It also helped when I gave him a very clear explanation about how him giving a large amount of BM right before I get home has a knock on effect on my supply--baby doesn't nurse when I get home, my body doesn't get the message to make more milk, there is less milk the next day, meaning he has less milk to give baby while I am away (I have NO freezer stash).

Re: I feel like I want to cry. Then, ask a question

Thanks to everyone for their support. A few answers:

1. I did call Medela and ask about the pump. I was told "well, if it's pulling your nipple like normally, it's not the pump". This seemed a bit off to me and I read another poster got a similar response from a LC at Medela. I'm thinking about renting a hospital-grade pump for a week to see if that helps output.

2. My daycare truly is the only one in town that we could get into and this was 3 months before I was due. And, I am the only one in the infant room who gives EBF. Everyone else gets formula. I think this fact sets the tone of my daycare problem; I had one caretaker tell me since I was running low on milk, they would mix formula and EBF and give it to my son. To which I said "Absolutely not. You will give the pumped milk and if you MUST give formula, you will give him a very small amount starting with 1/2 ounce". I was not running the risk of a 50:50 mix being half eaten and wasting the EBF. He was fine with the EBF alone but I feel it shows the attitude of my daycare and the ease with which they want to give formula.

3. I have been seriously thinking about quitting my one job and going back to PT. The money is nice but I'm running myself ragged. This week, I was sick and I spent three wonderful days in a row at home with DS while I was recovering. I didn't realize how much I truly missed him.

4. I drink gallons of water. But, its a good suggestion! I'm hoping to get some Mother's Milk and possible fenugreek tomorrow.

Re: I feel like I want to cry. Then, ask a question

hey mama. i am sorry you are dealing with all this.

1. how old is your pump/how long have you been pumping?

2. your illness would be a reason for lower output and the stress would also affect that.

3. dont even allow the dc to use formula, dont give them any option with that. dont leave formula there. give them what he needs and thats it. give them explicit instructions on how to handle the milk and what to do and not do. i have had several discussions with my dc about how bf babies generally drink the same volume over the first year because the composition of the milk changes with the needs of the baby as it ages (so cool ) formula fed babies drink HUGE amounts, they eat differently so they cannot be compared. this is your baby. they just want an easy way to calm the baby. tell them other options for soothing the baby. this can be sooo hard for the mom, i remember cringing at the idea of them just letting my lo cry so i was sometimes sending in too much milk to avoid him being unsoothed, but really he just came home overfed and uncomfortable. ahh it was soo hard.

4. you need to determine if the ft position is worth it. sounds like you feel that it is not, and it may not be.

5. talk to your dh very seriously as well about bm. it is NOT formula. pumping is VERY hard. it is not his to waste.

6. do know a lot of moms hit a kind of dip in supply around 9 months, so while it may be you sick and stressed the 9 months dip could be playing a role too.

7. some general ideas for increasing output:

a. change the yellow pieces with the white flaps often.
b. hand express for a min or two at the end of each session. can be super helpful for overall supply.
c. maybe you do already but use a hands free bra so you can do compressions and even pump on your commute
d. nurse nurse nurse whenever you can.
e. eat oatmeal.
f. listen to music while you pump and try to relax.

i personally did not find any difference by drinking a ton of water. do stay well hydrated but dont kill yourself with water.

Re: I feel like I want to cry. Then, ask a question

So sorry you're struggling! I agree with the advice other posters have given about being firm with your daycare. 16 oz is a LOT of milk to pump in a day. I've always been a good pumper and even at the height of my production, I averaged 12-14 oz a day and that's always been more than enough for my son. He never drank more than 9-10 oz while I was gone so the rest went into the freezer. (We'll be using the freezer stash up soon as I'm pump-weaning now; he's almost 13 months old). I don't know how much you're coming up short, but if you can provide 13-14 oz, that should be more than enough for 9 hours of separation. 16 oz is nuts and is definitely overfeeding.

First-time mama to Joshua, 10/29/11. 38 months ; now trying to wean. for 14 months; now finished with pump weaning!