“A collection of profound and epic album reviews and musical articles by former astronaut and brain surgeon, Alasdair Kennedy. Reaching levels of poetry that rival Keats and Blake, the following reviews affirm Alasdair to be a prodigy, a genius and a god whose opinion is always objectively right. He is also without a doubt the most modest man in the universe.” - Alasdair Kennedy

Pages

Friday, 9 December 2016

BEST AND WORST NEW TRACKS OF THE WEEK 09/12/2016 (CHRISTMAS EDITION): The Melvins, Kelsea Ballerini, Trey Songz and more...

This week is a Christmas special!
I’ve rounded up the best and worst new Yuletide jams of 2016. Keep it current
this Christmas – play these songs as you cruise back home Christmas Eve in your driverless car
that you bought with your Leicester City bet winnings, or play in the kitchen
as you cook this year’s roast in that Smart oven you bought with that grand you
earnt from selling that AK47 plastic fiver.

THE BEST:

'Carol of the Bells' - The Melvins

The creepiest Christmas song,
Leontovych’s ‘Carol of the Bells’, has just been made even creepier by sludge
metal band The Melvins. Listening to the barked vocals and evil guitar
harmonisation, I can just picture Christmas trees with teeth and animatronic
elves with 360-degree rotating heads. As frontman Buzz explains in a press
release: ‘the song has scared us since we
were children, that’s why we wanted to do it’.

'My Favorite Things' - Kelsea Ballerini & Joey Alexander

Joey Alexander is a 13-year-old
Indonesian piano prodigy.He’s
teamed up with 23-year-old country pop singer Kelsea Ballerini here and the
result is a beautiful jazz rendition of Sound of Music song ‘My Favorite
Things’ (not sure if it counts as Christmas song, although it is on a Christmas
album, and I’m pretty sure it was used in a Christmas ad once).

'Coming Home' – Trey Songz

R&B crooner Trey Songz is
coming home for Christmas. I’m already waiting in a hot bubble bath with some
champagne, mince pies and a santa beard.

'Angry Christmas' - Doomsday Student

Noise-rockers Doomday Student dropped this single back in August (these Christmas singles are getting released earlier and earlier) and comes with an animated selfie-themed music video that’s definitely NSFW. It perfectly suits the song – a hostile avant-garde audial assault made up of ugly dissonant guitar loops and punky vocals. It’s a moot point which is more disturbing – The Melvins’ ‘Carol of the Bells’ or this?

THE WORST:

'Christmas Makes Me Cry' - Kacey Musgraves

I haven’t got time for Debbie
Downers at Christmas. Even Lana Del Rey knows her limits. Write something jolly
or fuck off.

'Christmas Every Day' - Simple Plan

Did he just sing ‘school is out’? Jeez, they’ve gotta be hitting, like, forty…