Maryland Calls it Quits

ANNAPOLIS, MD—Citing mounting debt and a decline in tourism dollars, the state of Maryland will shut down for good on August 31, Maryland Gov. Robert L. Erhlich Jr. told reporters Monday.

“I would like to sincerely thank everyone who has ever lived in or visited the great state of Maryland,” Erhlich said at a press conference held on the steps of a boarded-up Capitol Building. “You are the people who have made this such a wonderful place. Maryland will live on in the fond memories of each of you, even as we liquidate the state’s assets.”