At age 30 and following two not very productive seasons, Kellen Winslow is decidedly in the twilight of his NFL career, so it’s too bad we’ve spent all these years making fun of him for the “I’m a fu_ _in’ soldier” quote he made in college. All along, we could have been making fun of him for the time he was caught masturbating outside of a Target in a car full of Vaseline and synthetic marijuana. Had only he did this when he was younger, we’d have a wider array of jokes to make at his expense.

The redacted incident report from East Hanover police shows that on Nov. 19 at 5:30 p.m., cops responded to a call from a woman who said she had parked her vehicle in a spot to the right of a black Cadillac Escalade outside the Target along Route 10 in East Hanover. A man was sitting inside the Escalade with the window open, said the woman, whose name was redacted in the incident report.

As she exited her vehicle, she commented to the male regarding how cold it was. As she stood near the open driver side window of the Escalade, she observed the males [sic] e_ect p_nis.

You know, those statements seem out of order for some reason.

She stated that she believed he was masturbating. [The woman] provided a written statement regarding her account.

By the time police arrived, an officer found Winslow allegedly “slouched in his seat and moving around.” Winslow sprang to an upright position when the officer arrived. When the cop asked Winslow what he was doing, Winslow allegedly said he was looking for Boston Market but was lost.

Such a great year for NFL player weed arrests while they were looking for fast food. Gotta say, though, Dwayne Bowe’s choice of Sonic beats Winslow and Boston Market, hands down (phrasing).

Oh, and Bobby Big Wheel mapped it out for Winslow. So close!

But wait, there’s more!

The cop noticed Winslow was wearing “dark colored” sweatpants and wrote that “his genitals were not exposed.”

Soldier sent back to the barracks.

But the cop also noticed “two open containers of Vaseline on his center console” and plastic bags marked “Mr. Happy” and empty plastic containers of “Funky Monkey” scattered throughout the vehicle.

Finally, a chance to use the detective skills honed over years of police work.

Winslow allegedly told police he smoked the “Mr. Happy” and “Funky Monkey” at his home to relax because the NFL doesn’t drug test for it, and that he buys the stuff on the internet and at gas stations. Police say he consented to a vehicle search, and after a few items were seized into evidence, Winslow was free to go.

Very important to note that Winslow played out the rest of the season. I demand “Hard Knocks” style footage of the jokes at Winslow’s expense in the Jets locker room. Willing to pay almost any price.

Also, buying weed, synthetic or no, over on the Internet might actually be the dumbest thing Winslow did.

Lab tests that came back on Dec. 23 revealed that Winslow was in possession of synthetic marijuana. He was formally charged on Dec. 30, and last week he pleaded not guilty before a judge in Superior Court in Morristown.

The incident report lists lewdness among the alleged crimes, but Winslow was not charged with anything relating to alleged lewdness.

Merciful but also smart. I feel like the court of public opinion will do a good enough job punishing him for jackin’ it that the legal system need not worry about it.

GM John Idzik says the Jets are in "constant contact" with Mark Sanchez's player rep.

Speaking on a Thursday conference call, Idzik pledged to "take advantage of time" with the team's Sanchez decision. Sanchez's $2 million roster bonus is due on March 25, so in reality, Idzik has only five more days. Idzik has no real incentive to make the move now, but it's supremely unlikely that he finds a trade partner before Tuesday.

GM John Idzik says the Jets are in "constant contact" with Mark Sanchez's player rep.

Speaking on a Thursday conference call, Idzik pledged to "take advantage of time" with the team's Sanchez decision. Sanchez's $2 million roster bonus is due on March 25, so in reality, Idzik has only five more days. Idzik has no real incentive to make the move now, but it's supremely unlikely that he finds a trade partner before Tuesday.

So...he's trying to work a trade before the 25th. Good luck with that, Idzik. Everyone knows that there's no way that the Jets are going to pay Sanchez that $2mil. on March 25th. If Sanchez is is Jet thereafter, the NY media and the remaining 13 Jets fans will go berserk!! LOL!!!

GM John Idzik says the Jets are in "constant contact" with Mark Sanchez's player rep.

Speaking on a Thursday conference call, Idzik pledged to "take advantage of time" with the team's Sanchez decision. Sanchez's $2 million roster bonus is due on March 25, so in reality, Idzik has only five more days. Idzik has no real incentive to make the move now, but it's supremely unlikely that he finds a trade partner before Tuesday.

So...he's trying to work a trade before the 25th. Good luck with that, Idzik. Everyone knows that there's no way that the Jets are going to pay Sanchez that $2mil. on March 25th. If Sanchez is is Jet thereafter, the NY media and the remaining 13 Jets fans will go berserk!! LOL!!!

Jets might have to use their first round pick on a CB. They should be able to get a good one but that means they wont be able to use that pick in the SO MANY other ways they could have and need to. And of course if you have that many needs and missfire on a CB in round one that would smack of Gholston #2. We can hope.

It really doesn't matter who the jets take in the draft.

Like the other team from NY they are assured a 500 season at best.

don't count them chickens hammer...

Please, it's a given. Giants and Jet's only hope of playoff football is if the league expands the number of teams involved. Even that probably won't be enough. The Pat's on the other hand will always be a serious contender as opposed to ny football being pretenders.

Jets might have to use their first round pick on a CB. They should be able to get a good one but that means they wont be able to use that pick in the SO MANY other ways they could have and need to. And of course if you have that many needs and missfire on a CB in round one that would smack of Gholston #2. We can hope.

True. CB Dee Milliner, the 9th overall pick in last years draft, has been a major disappointment thus far.

The sentiment in NFL circles from executives and agents is that Idzik whiffed on free-agent targets after misreading the market. Idzik, the only one of seven general managers hired last year without an extensive player personnel background, has overanalyzed free agency, leaving a cavernous hole at the defensive position that Rex Ryan values most: cornerback...