Let's start with the idea that the President might actually be taking the time to read a mouth-breathing back-bencher's Twitter feed. Yeah, that seems realistic.

Then there's the "you believe in socialism" nonsense. That hardly seems worth refuting, it's so prima facia absurd. The president who believes in socialism extends the Bush tax-cuts, bails out the auto corporations and uses the SOTU to propose a spending freeze and reduction of corporate tax rates. He believes in socialism like Richard Dawkins believes in Allah.

Then there's this suggestion that somehow the Constitution and socialism are mutually exclusive. I know that to the teabagger mind anything they don't like is unconstitutional, but there is nothing in the Constitution forbidding socialism. If there were we wouldn't have an Interstate Highway system, a Postal Service, or even a military. All those things are funded by taxing the citizenry. Everybody has to pay their share whether or not you ever plan to drive across country or mail a letter or invade a foreign country. That's socialism. Everyone gets the same benefit whether your tax bill comes to $100. or $1,000,000. Even if you didn't earn enough to pay any taxes, the Army will still protect you from the Ruskies, you are welcome to drive on the Interstate, and the Post Office will still bring you your bills and catalogs. How does a member of Congress not understand this?

Jeezus Christ, that's a lot of money. For that type of cash, what will Bristol be discussing?

The panel will address the issue of abstinence in a college setting.

Abstinence in a college setting? Someone who has never attended college and sucks at abstinence is going to be the keynote freakin' speaker at a discussion of abstinence in college? Why not ask her to discuss the difficulties of playing in the NFL, or what it's like to be raised by decent parents?

Why not pay her $20,000 to talk about how to pick the right guy? Or pay her to explain why she named her baby "Tripp" when a: Tripp is not a name and b: the nickname "Tripp" generally is given to someone with a "The third" after his name.

What is she going to say to the audience? "Don't have sex because you might get knocked up like me and then you'd be forced to travel around to various shitty colleges talking about it for $20,000 a pop." 'Cuz I think that's pretty much the extent of her insight into the matter.

The event will begin with a 25-minute speech by Palin on her life story to be followed by an hour-long panel discussion and a half hour question-and-answer session. A reception will be held after the question and answer to allow students to interact with Palin one-on-one.

Of course, the last time someone interacted one-on-one with Bristol, she got pregnant.

And how in the hell can it take 25 minutes to tell her life story? She's what, 20 years old? "First I was a baby, then a little girl, then I got knocked up and went on Dancing With the Stars and Levi's a total butthead!"

Some Treasury members felt that Palin’s speech would spark student interest.
“I know it will fill Graham Chapel, so to me, that’s value in itself,” said Treasury representative Daniel Bernard, a junior. “It brings the student body together in a way that we usually don’t have on this campus.”

I think bringing the student body together is exactly what Bristol is there to warn against!

“One concern I do have when we fund someone like Bristol Palin is, what really are we supporting? And to me it’s someone who is famous because they got pregnant at 18,” said freshman Jacob Trunsky, chair of the Budget Committee.

Now that's just not fair. She was sixteen.

“I understand that people are not going to be happy—this will probably be protested. We really just want to start dialogue and the fact that we’re bringing in a balanced panel should be taken into account,” Elman said. “We’re not just bringing in Bristol Palin, we’re bringing her in with three or four other educated people.”

Oh. Three or four educated people? (Technically not "other educated people") Who else is on the panel?Who are these others who will be providing balance?

The originally scheduled panel included representatives from the Catholic Student Center, Missouri Right to Life, and Planned Parenthood.

Now that's balance! One speaker from Planned Parenthood, two from the "don't have sex 'cause you might get pregnant" school and one from the "don't have sex 'cause you'll go to hell" academy.

Oh, I'm sure the decision was mutual. Just like when my sophomore-year girlfriend broke up with me at the Spring dance, it was mutual. I'm sure that the person who now won't be getting 20 grand for nothing was really okay with this. Heck, it was probably her idea.