Sweatshops to be modelled on Candy Crush

Labour Unions have expressed outrage at recent proposals to model work environments on the popular Game-App. What was originally assumed to be an unfortunate spelling error for a range of confectionary stores, is in fact a blueprint for low cost Manufacturing buildings.

"Admittedly we've received a lot of bad press recently," said one jaded Executive. "What with all the explosions, collapsed ceilings, asbestosis, blah, blah blah. But we're the good guys, right? We're the reason that your smartphones are so cheap. Which is when our PR boys said we should try some paradoxical marketing. Use the love of cheap phones and apps to our advantage - bingo!"

In the future, "sweat shops" will follow a series of strict "cost efficient" features such as:

• All indentured staff will wear brightly coloured overalls and refer to themselves as "Candy"
• Phrases like "Death Trap" will be banned from the work place and replaced with more positive descriptors such as "Liquorice Tower" and "Munchy Monolith"
• Instead of fire alarms there will be a deep, sultry American voice saying "Delicious!"
• Striped Candy will shower the CEO every time corporate tax is avoided. Whereas Wrapper Candies will be sent to shareholders every time a fair-trade competitor goes bust.

The unnamed Executive did expect some initial teething problems: "Some "Candies" are encased in "jelly" (e.g. health and safety rules) but we'll provide incentives to remove that jelly," he continued wryly. "Rather than the Public being appalled at the scale of an industrial accident, we want you to rejoice in the mass murder. Three deaths in a row...yawn....but hundreds of dead, that's Color Bomb!"

Did he have concerns about corporate manslaughter?

"Don't worry. In a 'Sugar Crush', a swarm of Jelly Fishes or (International Aid Agencies as you call them) will clear out the "dead" candies so you can start all over again!"

What about the grieving families?

"They can always ask their Facebook friends for more lives," he said reassuringly.