Would You Become Someone Else To Achieve Your Dreams?

Are you going about achieving your goals in the wrong way? If you’re you, then you might be.

Taking on a role has long been used in psychotherapy, in team-building exercises, in marriage counseling and in acting. When you put yourself in someone else’s shoes, you achieve a new perception. You might feel differently or react differently. You might gain understanding – or achieve your goals.

In a recent post by Dave Navarro, he wrote about thinking from your goals instead of the common action of thinking about your goals. He suggested you should act as if you really were going to achieve what you wanted. Dave said:

In fact, imagine that you have it right now. Identify with it. Act from it.

Athletes often use Dave’s suggested principles – they envision the victory, perceive themselves as winners, and then they compete with often surprising results.

When you behave in certain ways, realms of possibilities open up. So what happens when you become a different person?

Case in point: Michael Brito. Michael intrigues me. Michael changed his own life by assuming a new persona. He became someone that he is, but at the same time, someone that he is not. His About Us reads as follows:

There is this guy named Michael Brito, he is me. Nice guy, plays well with others, and all that other pc shit, oh then there’s Bobby, Bobby Street. Bobby is also me, but he is not Michael Brito.

Instead of being kicked around, Michael kicks some ass of his own, these days – as Bobby Street.

Think about this for a minute. Think about how you would react if someone told you that who you are is holding you back – and you knew they were right. This person tells you that if you were someone else, you could live your dream.

Would you do it?

Would you change? Would you become someone that let you live what you wanted? Would you cast aside the person that is holding you back completely and fully to assume a brand-new role that doesn’t resemble the old you in the least?

Could you become a person that isn’t you – but at the same time, that is you in the most intimate ways? We joke about multiple personalities all the time, but… are multiple personalities so crazy?

We wear different faces all the time. Father, businessperson, friend… Mother, teacher, lover… Each of us yearns to be someone else – more confident, more go-getter, more sociable…More white, more black, more straight, more gay, more male, more female…

If you had the chance to be someone else, would you do it? Would you take on a role that makes opportunity possible, makes life easier, and makes your dreams become reality? More importantly… who would you be?

Post by James Chartrand

James Chartrand is an expert copywriter and the owner of Men with Pens and Damn Fine Words, the game-changing writing course for business owners. She loves the color blue, her kids, Nike sneakers and ice skating.

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I’ve often imagined myself to be succeeding at something already in order to gain insight and motivation, but don’t often take it further and ‘become’ someone else with completely different character traits.

Last time I did anything like this I was 12 years old and playing in a band on stage to an audience of almost 1000. The song was “Money for Nothing” by Dire Straits and I was lead guitarist. I imagined myself as Mark Knopfler and just went for it, in that suave, slightly undersold way Mark has.

Afterwards, my friends’ folks came up to me to chat.

“Very funny Nick”, they chirped.
“What do you mean?”, I said, frowning.
“You played along to that recording very convincingly.”

I protested, but let it go. The joke was on them — they just wouldn’t believe it was me playing! Perhaps I should have realised it then — becoming someone else really is a powerful tool.

Nick Cernis’s last blog post..Writing Things Down (WTD): 13 Reasons To Switch Back To Paper Today

Awesome post James. I do this all the time. I have a vision board on my wall, with pictures of places I’d like to visit, or live, cars I’d like to drive, whatever. I also have put up a list of goals that I have stated I will have accomplished by a certain date – I think that is important for your goal setting, to say that you will have done it by a certain date, and even imagine that you already have done it, and how your life will be then.

I envision myself as that person. And you know what? It is starting to come together.

It does work.

Thanks also for the link to Bobby Street. He kicks some serious ass.

So who am I? I’m me, only I’m me doing what I want to do.

And you know what? The differences between the “current” me and the “dream” me are getting smaller and smaller. And that is a great feeling.

Naturally, you don’t want to advocate being deceptive to reach your goals – trust is priceless.

However, deceiving yourself, when done right, can help you take action that your fears or hangups might hold you back from. For example, whenever I take a stage and feel anxiety, I “deceive myself” by imagining people who come across as 100% confident on stage, and by pretending they are handling the situation, I toss off the anxiety.

I think part of why this is such a successful tactic is because it causes us to disassociate from the hangups that hold us back. We think, “How would MacGyver handle this …” and we start thinking with the freedom that brings, and we stop worrying about failure.

Interesting answers… but go further. Would you become Richard Bachman if you were Stephen King? Would you be Rampling if you were Rice? Would you become Mark if you were Michelle or Carol if you were Carl? Would you portray yourself as someone else to the word like Michael Brito did, if you knew that being Bobby Street would get you further, accomplish more and achieve your dreams?

Would you cross-dress for success, like Whoopi Goldberg did in the movie The Associate, to overcome gender bias in business? Would you hide your sexuality and pretend to be something you’re not to have an easier time in society?

We all wear faces every day. People have multi-faceted personalities; that’s a given. On any day, depending on our mood or the situation, we portray different sides of ourselves, much like Jay’s example.

Is it lying? Is it a breach of trust? Is it acceptable to be something we’re not if it’s a better fit? Tough questions. Are there answers?

How timely, since I’m reading the second novel of the Bourne Trilogy by Robert Ludlum (they made three movies based on the series with Matt Damon).

The main character, Jason Bourne, is a chameleon, who can become a different person, blending in, in order to do his job — to kill.

The twist is he’s also not who he thinks he is — since he’s got amnesia, etc.

As for myself, I often think I’m the same kid who went to school with my childhood friends, but at other times I realize I’m a dad when I’m picking up the kids, and an extremely competent professional when I’m out in the field.

Even when I was making my big life decisions I still feel like I’m just me. So, instead of just a clear-cut “be someone else” or “be who you want to be”, I guess what I’ve been doing is simply being open-minded to making changes, to improving, working on weaknesses — constantly.

For instance, I’m a pretty easy going guy but in some work situations I have to be very assertive (for instance, a safety related situation). I’ve also worked in sales before and played roles that are “not me” to get the job done.

So for me, I tend to say it is okay to be something you’re not if it is a better fit.

I think Dave has it figured out right – deceiving yourself, telling yourself you can do it. Now this does work.

Last week I bought a new kettlebell (I weight train with them). My old ones were 36 pounds, and this new one is 53 pounds. One of the moves I do involves snatching it up from the ground and swinging it up over your head with one hand.

Now, when I got this new one, I thought “wow, that’s heavy, I won’t be able to snatch it”.

Then a couple of days later, I looked at it and thought, “I’m a really strong guy, I can snatch it”.

I looked at it. I visualized it in my mind. I know the motions. I pictured myself with the kettlebell above my head. And I did it.

James, you’re officially my new guru. I’m building you a pretty pedestal. What color would you like your throne?

Seriously… this is smart. And super-funny, in that ironic sort of way. I was just re-reading one of my manuscripts yesterday. It’s fiction, but the main character starts out a little like me (circumstance-wise) and turns into someone I didn’t plan to turn her into. For your amusement, here’s how the first chapter begins:

“In my motherâ€™s home there were only two rules: â€œwhat goes on in this house stays in this house,â€ and â€œnever be yourself in front of company.â€ Law firm life is similar. From 9:00-5:00, with frequent overtime, I am not the girl I really am.

Between firm walls, I am a woman fully suited in corporate costume and equipped with office superpowers. I know the fastest route from my cubicle to every copy and fax machine. I know how every attorney in the group takes his coffee. I know whose kidsâ€™ bar mitzvahs are coming up and whose wives know about their mistresses. When I answer the phone, I smile.”

Lying to myself was how I survived for many years. Through childhood abuse, through Corporate American slavery. But through this character, through writing her and watching her transform, I truly have become someone else. I’ve become an upgraded version of me, I suppose. Because I looked at this character’s journey and thought, “She is me. If she can do this, why can’t I?”

As a Gemini, I can assure you that I do in fact have multiple personalities.

Would I become someone else? Yes, but only if I could retain my original identity as well. This sounds like it’s leading up to the notion of creating a blog, web site, or business using an alter ego, an idea I think is pretty clever.

And for that throne? I want it blue. With black and chrome accents. Think futuristic imperial ruler. Oh yes… yes, I can picture that… Do I get to lounge and give orders and have adoring fans at my feet all day long telling me how fantastic I am?

(hehehe I bet Harry’s rolling his eyes thinking, “Oh man. You had to offer a throne, didn’t you.”)

@Brett et al, In an office where I formerly worked, my team got to watch Office Space as a reward for something we did right, or maybe we won a contest. I’d seen it several times, but it was even better watching it with the team. I remember our admin, who was about the most uptight woman in the universe, snorted every time they uttered a curse word, and then complained about it afterward. Sheesh.

@Brett – An old work-buddy of mine (Daniel X. Oâ€™Neil) wrote what I consider to be a highly amusing book of poetry titled “Memo To All Employees” based on the “daily memo” concept at our firm. So keep notes for your future book, when you’re finished writing the others. 😉

@James – I totally think Harry needs a throne too. Would it be rude to ask him to design his own thrown and yours? I think he could captivate “futuristic imperial ruler” better than I could…

@Chad – I think it is because James and Harry have us hypnotized into coming back. Hehe.

@ Amy – I’m doing that, believe me. I write a lot about work, leaving out the names of course. What makes me laugh about it is that I just saw Office Space last week for the first time (how did that one slip past me?) – I’d swear Mike Judge worked here…

@ Amy – I actually watched it twice to be honest! First with a couple of co-workers, and then with my wife the next day…

I am *totally* that guy bashing that thing up… I felt his pain. I tell you though, what spoke to me most was the “cover sheet on the TPS forms”. It’s like Mike Judge had hidden cameras here when he came up with the idea… 🙂

@Amy: *pulls her aside* You have no idea what you’ve just done. I’m sorry, but this I will not be able to fix.

*reads further and sees offer for his own throne*

That’s okay, I’ll have to pass. I’m not keen on heights. I’m happy enough with my feet firmly planted on the ground. 🙂

However, about that hypnotism….I was wondering when someone would catch on to the subliminal messages.

@Brett: “Milt, we’re gonna need to go ahead and move you downstairs into storage B. We have some new people coming in, and we need all the space we can get. So if you could just go ahead and pack up your stuff and move it down there, that would be terrific, OK?”

@Harry – I just laughed coffee out my nose. Thanks for that. :-p Actually, I’m not so good with heights either. Maybe you’d like a decorated recliner chair???

@Melissa – Scorpio here. So I can’t blame my multiple personalities on astrology, but I do get to claim manipulation and mystery. 😉 I think a lot of us have an alter-ego (or several), and I often operate on the backwards-superman plan. Whatever my fear tells me, I do the opposite. Thus far it’s kept me out of jail for homicide and destruction of property, but I’m sure it could also be applied to business. 😀

@ Melissa – Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself. 😉 Probably from that imperial throne I’m going to have my minions create for me…

And as for how many? Probably as many as old men have become young bucks to woo the lasses, or as many people have connected with their true identities online that they cannot let slip in real life.

I find the topic an interesting one. Some people feel it’s clever and brilliant, some see it as deceptive and a betrayal of trust. What is even more interesting is that depending on the situation, it could be either, or.

Whoopi became a man to succeed in business. And the theatre crowds cheered. A man became a woman to fit with his personality. And he was shunned.

@James – I think it’s clever and brilliant. Not right or wrong necessarily, but more like human survival. The most successful women lawyers over 50 at my old firm were like men because they had to be to get their feet in the door when they did. They didn’t lose their true identities — they still know they’ve got boobs and act like chicks when they want to — but they adapted to survive.

There are other kinds of deception I view as wrong, like people who sell make money online materials by acting like big-shots before they’ve ever made a dime. But I don’t see that as becoming someone else to succeed; I see that as acting like someone else to avoid failure. Two totally different things in my mind.

@ Amy – Harry said the same thing. He feels that it’s only deceptive if it’s someone deliberately out to screw someone else but it isn’t deceptive if it’s for survival or self protection.

Personally, I’m cool with it. Never had an issue with people who switched identities, for pleasure or for business or for survival or for appearances or whatever. But the idea did bring up many thoughts about how many people in the world have done it and to what lengths and why.

@James – I could write a book-length post about this, but I’ll try to restrain myself. In short, I agree with you. I personally couldn’t care less what people do or how they act. Be yourself, be a smurf, whatever. I can generally see through people’s b.s., and on the occasions I fail to I feel it’s my own fault. If I’m stupid enough to be taken in by a phony, I see that as my problem. Sometimes we see things in people that aren’t there, simply because it’s what we need to see. To one extent or another, I think we’re all liars, and we lie to ourselves more than we lie to anyone else. If that makes any sense at all….

@ Harry – I felt like that guy in my last position. I got moved to a crappy storage room and had to find my own furniture. Come to think of it, I had to find the furniture for my new office too… hmm, I sense a theme here… 😉

@ Everyone – Melissa’s blog has the nicest little surprise in a mouseover on one of the links, about the “red stapler” –> go find it now!

@James, My guess is you already have alternate identities throughout the Internet.

@Brett, I’m getting a kick out of the kick you’re getting from my rollover. Maybe I should add more of those. Hopefully the MwP will tell me soon. You can’t see Office Space too many times and I’m looking forward to watching it with new perspective as a freelancer. The first time I saw it I hadn’t even had an office job yet.

@Amy, I’ll be e-mailing you for that ms and pray I can find time to read it. I’m so behind on my reading.

Amy, trust me, you don’t need that picture. Nobody does. Actually, I don’t think I have one of me in the costume.

It was for work when some yahoo decided our team should be the Spongebob crew. I had a jazz killer outfit all ready to go but I had to toss out my fishnets and garter gun holster for a shredded trash bag.

@ Everyone else – I’m an alchemist sorceress Barista from the wrong side of the tracks in Gangland, with a boomstick (hey, I lived in Hamilton for 10 years and had lunch with a mob boss once) – would anyone else like a drink?

Sheesh! I go to dinner for a few minutes and I come back to nearly 20 comments in my inbox!

*cracks the bullwhip and adjusts the brown fedora on his head* Sorry, I prefer the Indy Jones look to a top hat and tails.

@James: Get back in your corner. And give me that *snatches the bottle of wine* I told you I wouldn’t let you drink and write anymore. Oh, and give me that lighter, too.

@Amy: We’re going to call you Pandora from now on. Maybe next time you’ll be more careful with that bright, shiny box labeled “James”

@Brett: Mix me up some black powder, would you? I feel the need to blow something up.

@Melissa: A Cancer on the cusp of Gemini with a Leo ascendant is a scary thing. I am a trained professional in handling such a beast, though. Just remember to keep your hands inside the windows at all times and do not feed the bears.

Well, I was actually…watching the blog comments, chuckling, writing a comment on another blog, catching up on feed reading, commenting on another blog, checking out someone’s branding design, replying to an email, checking my settings on FF for Harry, reading another feed post, commenting again, updating Twitter, talking to Harry, reading another blog comment go by…

Then I saw my name. You beckon, I drop it all and come. Now how many people can you say will do *that* for you?

1. Reading Amy’s manuscript (very good reading)
2. Hanging out here in looney bin
3. Helping a friend extract files from a failing external hard disk with a Linux live CD
4. Chatting with another friend on IM
5. Reading other random RSS feeds
6. Realizing that this is why my new blog page is still not up… 🙁
7. Reaching for some Advil to kill a bitchin’ headache

@ James – for sure brother, I read that one the other day, good post. Realistically speaking, the iPhone would be largely useless where I live anyway. Cell phone coverage is only good at work, here in town where I live you have to forward them to a land line to get reliable connections, which makes them quite pointless…

Luckily the envelope I have right now is big enough to fit my laptop 😉

Don’t worry bro, I had to shake my head a few times to remember it myself… I’m turning into a greybeard (got some pics to prove it, somewhere, every March break I make a feeble attempt at facial hair, every year there’s a few more grey whiskers in there… a small price to pay for the 4 best kids I know.)

So far, not putting me to sleep… that means it is interesting, but does eliminate that niche market (damn)

One thing that I find cool so far is that one of your main characters has a name and personality quite similar (well, sort of) to a woman I used to work for several years ago. Very, very powerful businesswoman. So there’s a bit of a personal tie-in for me 🙂

Geez, I apparently I came late to the ballgame (*looking for a seat while holding my hot dog). 113 comments!

@ Brett – in reference who you might be – it’s funny because after I read your comment I chuckled and my wife said, “what?” I mentioned how you said “Tyler Durden” (one of my favorite movies). She said, “what is it with you guys and Tyler Durden?”

Also, about that picture board you have and the goals you’re reaching for, have you tried working your plan backwards? This always works best for me as you get to “imagine” yourself at the end of your journey and then are forced to work backwards in time detailing what you must accomplish at certain points in order to reach your goal. Eventually you’ll reach this week and this day what must be accomplished to reach that 20 year goal.

@ James – this post reminds me of when managers work as an employee for a day to gain a new perspective.

I loved this post and was thinking, “hey, is that James in the picture?”

No point in putting in the relevant comment I had in mind this morning before I went to work, because I can see that relevance to the original topic left here several hours ago.

However, I will say that your band of merry followers (while occasionally clubby and disastrously OT) is part of what attracts new… *edits out several more incendiary words*… readers, so I’d have to recommend against taking it to IM or some such. Oh, maybe a little pull on the reins might be good for business, but it probably depends on whether that’s the business of getting readers or the business of getting jobs…

A very small Experience Design drive-by from one of your lesser, but adoring, zealots.

Regards,

Kelly

P.S. James: It was a very fine post and I am rather sorry I had to go make money and was unable to post a comment before the witching hour.

Kelly’s last blog post..How to Stick Out Like a Toupee on a Bowling Ball

Not for me, it used to work perfectly but lately it reaches several posts back on the first “submit” here at MWP, but no probs on other sites that use it. Feed is way past what it grabs. (Witness that the second “submit” it got the right post, only a minute or so later.) Harry has been messing with the code, I’d say…

On the other hand this is one of the few places that use it (CommentLuv) where my Mac does not get a full page of php error code whenever I hit submit, so you guys obviously did something right with it, also.

I can’t complain, but sometimes I still do…

Regards,

Kelly

Kelly’s last blog post..Sneering at Thousands of Dollars: CRM With a Twist of Stupid

Thanks! *Shameless plug* Feel free to subscribe, Stumble, etc. Lots of good stuff on the way over at the MCE Blog.

Yes, until lately I think this was the only place the silly plug-in did work completely for me. I still want it, though, and am totally indignant that I can’t have it on (yes she dares to mention it again) TypePad.

Alas, the Irishwoman must to bed. St. Paddy has left the building.

Until later,

Kelly

P.S. (Oh I love a good postscript…) Why’s MWP on CST, when neither of you gentlemen are? Did somebody forget to spring forward?

Picky, picky…

Kelly’s last blog post..Sneering at Thousands of Dollars: CRM With a Twist of Stupid

Hmm… guess my theory’s out the window then So, as Emily Litella on SNL would say, never-mind. 😉 It doesn’t work right on any blog I comment on that uses it, so I lack a proper control group. 🙂 Your blog is very cool, btw.

@ Amy – He always blames me when something breaks. I think the most frequently asked question around here is. “Were you playing with this before this happened?”

@ Amy again – A chat room would be cool. I’ll see what I can do.

@ Harry – Bro? *points up* Amy thinks a chat room would be cool.

@ Kelly – Don’t these friggin’ blogs change their own damned time? What is this! I’m outraged! I’m sending WP a complaint letter! Right after I send Typepad a letter about how much I dislike their non-user-friendly blog platform!

By the way, one of our clients just made the switch from Typepad to WP. I had to go in and fiddle around with her Typepad blog for a bit. Trust me, you’d find WP so simplistic to use after the numerous tabs, hoops and pages that had to be sifted through. *nudge nudge*

@ All – I am not to blame for the behaviour of our plugins. I swear. I didn’t do it.

Also, if you’ve written catchy titles and all your posts are good, then which post it pulls is irrelevant. Getting people to read other posts besides your latest is important.

@ Kelly again – We’ve frequently heard from others that our comment section is a blogger’s dream and are often asked how we do it. So, yes, it has its charms and I love the crowd.

That said, we did have someone say, “I made the mistake of subscribing to comments…” and I thought to myself, “Oh. Calling that a mistake isn’t good.” Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

But agreed. I think I’ll change from a round-ring snaffle to a D-ring. A gentle tug back never hurt anyone and performance is enhanced with kind tweaking of the reins.

@ John – I’m happy you got a kick out of that, and you had mentioned starting at the end before, a long while back – it does work, you know. I’d come across it first on a Covey course (begin with the end in mind) and when you mentioned it last time, I sat down to try it again. You do that, and you end up with a nice convenient list of tasks.

@ James – if you look like Tyler Durden, you have nothing to fear then, because I look more like “The Narrator” (Edward Norton’s character) and that means you can feel free to say and do whatever you like – it will all be blamed on me! 🙂

Wow, I thought maybe I would be among the first to comment because I just got this email syndication notice about the article but when I came to leave a few words, I was like, WHAT? 126 comments already?

Wow. You sure have a vibrant community here, I should say!

Well, this was a very interesting article because it promotes the idea of bringing out other aspects of our personality that we might be afraid to show because the dominant parts of ourselves won’t allow it. Funny you should mention about multiple personalities. I think we are all multiples without admitting it is so.

For instance, I’m a very nice, easy to get along with guy. But i also have a stronger side of me that rears its ugly head from time to time. So I guess I’m a multiple too!

There’s another side of me that dreams of walking out on stage in front of thousands and waving to them as if I was a very famous speaker, author. I imagine myself doing that all the time. What of that personality? Will that come out too?

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