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Its tired but true.....the more involved you are in your community,....whatever that means to you......the more you come into contact with others, share experiences and find fullfillment. I know you have organizations to become involved with near you....from senior citizens to day care to religious to sports. What activities interest you?

Its true that we are all alone in the sense that we strive to be happy and accepting of ourselves. But I was trying to say that meeting people and having human contact is often missing from our lives. If you only reach out with the computer, you miss out on the human contact...hugging and laughing etc

My advice to you would be don't think you can only have a relationship with an hiv positive man. There's many of us who are in poz/neg relationships - I am. Hiv really isn't an issue between us. Sure, there's some things he'll never understand, but I've got all you guys plus other positive friends to fill that particular gap. We can't be everything to our lovers no matter what our hiv status is. There are some things I'll never be able to understand about his life, so as far as I'm concerned it's a trade-off, a balance and all part of life's rich pattern.

So yes, put yourself out there and meet new people. You never know what's around the corner until you get out there and go around the corner.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Basically, I'm a loner by nature, so I don't mind being alone. I have been seeing someone who is dear to me for about two years now, but I value my time alone nonetheless. I would be very unhappy without it.

I think Bear’s advice is very good. Volunteering can bring you into contact with others of similar interests, and what better foundation to build on than that in a mate, should that opportunity present itself? Ya never know.

I value my time alone nonetheless. I would be very unhappy without it.

I have a name for that. I call it "ME TIME" and personally I need LOTS of it, even if I'm in a relationship. My ex-BF's could never fully understand why. Umm, cuz I like it and I like myself?? (where's the rolling-eyeballs emoticon?)

Seems like I have always been alone. I go out with friends and do stuff and of course there is my volunteer activist work, but I don't remember not living alone. I just accept it as who I am.

I got a puppy in 1998 and he faithfully sits by the computer as I do my work, goes on car rides and dog walks everyday. During my Funding Allocation Working Group meeting last week, I told the other members that my dog is a genius and has a vast knowledge on Ryan White CARE Act issues, productivity and profitability studies for American companies with 100 or fewer employees, OSHA laws, and has working knowledge on utilizing behavior modification techniques to set and achieve goals. The dog is really smart. Have the best dayMichael

I can relate TOTALLY...............being a straight woman with HIV. BUT, that being said, I have to think back when I WAS NOT positive and I had lonely times then too. So I guess it just doesn't matter what type of "baggage" we carry around..............sometimes we are just going to have to deal with being lonely.

These forums have helped me tremendously. Even though I have not met anyone in person, I feel as if I can count on them and they will be there for me................it is a family.

Get out, go to a book store, coffee shop, strike up a conversation with people, men, women, doesn't matter, it just might lead to a friendship. Put yourself out there. We don't have signs around our neck telling people our status, so unless you want them to know, they don't have to........

Just my two cents! And if you ever need to chat, drop me a PM.

Lisa

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"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves.."Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?"

Lisa's got it right: ya gotta get out there. Lonely times are lonely times HIV or not.

Does that take some effort? Initially yes. Does it pay off right away? Not really. Will it pay off in the long run? Definitely. I used to long-distance run by myself for many years. Then I joined a straight running club and a gay running club, after that. I met people right away, but as with all things, friendships take time. Within three months my social calendar was busy busy.

So, what do you really like? Knitting? Politics? Meditation? Darts? Golf? Hockey? Animals? Museums? There are clubs and associations for all of these. Right now, in addition to a full teaching load, I volunteer with a literacy program, and edit the newsletter for the Toronto Arts Council. The literacy program in particular is rewarding: kids come to you because they want to learn, not because they "have to." And the TAC is great because it embraces all forms of the arts: I've met some fun people and it has broadened my horizons as to what is happening behind the scenes.

In a way I agree with blondebeauty. Sometimes you are in a middle of a crowd and you still feel alone. But if you search in yourself you will find desire to love and feel loved. You do it especially when you have time to think ... and you do this alone!

Anyway, I do not usually excel in this kind of talk ...

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... when I was young, I never needed anyone, making love was just for fun, those days are gone ... Eric Carmen (Raspberries)

I've experienced love and relationships, but now I'm a bit isolated, and I'm usually okay with it.HIV and my health have sort of narrowed the dating pool a bit.I did have a therapist ask me a couple of years ago about human touch. He said that it's very important that we experience human touch. That kind of struck home with me. I do miss that.

Learn to live comfortably in your own skin, and be happy, content, and productive ALONE; and I guarantee that the companionship you seek will come to you ten fold. You see, when we become self sufficient for our emotional needs, then others see that and gravitate to us like stink on shit. Your only problem then will be to find one of those attracted to you with like minds. Most will be wanting you to take care of them, because you have become independent, self sufficient, and powerful in your own right. It will be a truly dangerous time for you then because the leeches will be so cool and convincing that you will be tempted to make the decision to stick with them.

How does one do this? Learn to know who you are, who you want to be, and who you have become. Change anything you don't like, and learn to enjoy the perfect person you have already become. This is when you will find true happiness and when you will learn to see those around you that are in the same mental and emotional place you are, and then you will find your life full of people. Please remember, you are perfect just the way you are, including all the fat, all the blemishes, and all the age marks. We are who we are and we do not need others to make us complete; we are there already.

In Love and Support.

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The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals,and 362 to heterosexuals.This doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals, It's just that they need more supervision.Lynn Lavne

It really doesn't matter how positive your support group is, or if you have that special person. On occasion you will have that feeling of being alone. This is a product of society and the stigma of the disease.

I did not know many people who were + when I first joined the forums. I had made the decision to live my life vicariously through my children. While it was a rewarding experience, it was not without loneliness. I began to bond with people here, and then met Trish.

My point is that I found that special person when I wasn't looking for it. Being happy with yourself means that you won't compromise in the search of a partner.

You see, when we become self sufficient for our emotional needs, then others see that and gravitate to us like stink on shit. Your only problem then will be to find one of those attracted to you with like minds. Most will be wanting you to take care of them, because you have become independent, self sufficient, and powerful in your own right. It will be a truly dangerous time for you then because the leeches will be so cool and convincing that you will be tempted to make the decision to stick with them.

oh. my. GOODNESS!!YOU'RE MY ***HERO*** ....seriously!.... I've subscribed to the above since 1988. Although I've given a few cute ones a bit more leeway, ultimately, I won't tolerate vampiric emotional weakness in anyone, hot or not. Same goes for vampiric "friends" with addictions - yknow, the ones who seek enablers and sycophants

This reminds me of the Eurytmics hit "Sweet Dreams" in 1983. The lyrics go like this:

Sweet dreams are made of thisWho am I to disagree?Travel the world and the seven seasEverybody's looking for somethingSome of them want to use youSome of them want to get used by youSome of them want to abuse youSome of them want to be abused

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... when I was young, I never needed anyone, making love was just for fun, those days are gone ... Eric Carmen (Raspberries)

I can really relate to , "Someone"! It's only recently that I begen noticing how much I do miss the intimacy between me and my boyfriend. It's been a long time since I've had someone to be here with me. Of course I have family and very few friends, but it's not quite the same. I was diagnosed 16 years go and I guess that's when I decided to just be alone and accept it. Michael(Sonomabeach) had a point though. I have a little dog and she is constantly by my side. This does make me feel better I must say.

I think after the HIV diagnoses then the stroke 6 years ago took away alot of my self-esteem and I can't seem to get it back.

I'm not sure, but I think this might be considered "hijacking" someone Else's topic. If so I am so sorry!

I find giving myself projects to do...I tried on line too and it sucks mostly. I'm lonely sometimes...I miss David alot.But I try to keep myself busy. Hope you feel better. Being alone sometimes is better than being with someone who sucks the life out of you.

When I left L.A., I was living in a small remote area with few if not very limited prospects. I tried online, went to dinner once with this guy from San Framcisco. Said he was divorced but everytime I called his number, his wife answered. I actually liked her better and eventually realized they had an open relationship so I said good bye to both.

I met another fellow from Jenner, a sea coast community about 16 miles away from where I live now. He was not the person he claimed to be, used an old photo, brought a back-up date and I see him around town every once in awhile.

One of my friends pointed out someone on another site and said he was the one for me. We emailed for a few months, shared some phone calls, went out to dinner a few times. Three years later he is one of my closest friends. He still has personals in at least three sites, still looking for that "special" someone, and everytime he calls me, there is someone new and always from another state. Such is life... Have the best dayMichael

I adopted a fantastic older cat after diagnosis and he's contributed so much to every day. I taught him tricks, he herds me to sleep at night, greets me at day's end. Very dog-like in some ways, but a tremendous gift. I contribute my art to AIDS fund raisers--although anonymous at present, this enables me to creatively give to those who are having a harder time than I. I participate in the Consumer Advisory Board at the clinic where I'm seen and in as much hiv-related research as possible. Add to that, I like a fair amount of alone time, I use such time to meditate, create and I have certainly found this site to be stimulating, affirming, encouraging. If it's possible, I hope to meet some of you in Montreal. The more comments I read, the more I'm inclined to " meet the authors." While I'm not involved with anyone emotionally or intimately, I surely haven't given up hope that it will occur. I agree with the others who assert to get going on your own path without focus on what you lack and you will, energetically, draw people to you who will offer you the opportunity to use your intelligence and intuition in exercising choice. Have a blast -- the day doth beckon!!!

Rich, i do believe if one feel the life is literally being sucked out, one needs to move on.

More important, like Wise Moffie say, 'live comfortably in one's own skin' is the most important part of the equation.

When we r too often alone, we need the interchange with others to help us see ourselves more objectively; & in the process aid us in overcoming our demons.Could this then be the fourth sides to your story ??

When we r too often alone, we need the interchange with others to help us see ourselves more objectively; & in the process aid us in overcoming our demons.Could this then be the fourth sides to your story ??

Being alone sometimes is better than being with someone who sucks the life out of you

I agree you all the way.Went through that with one person all ready.Never ever again.And yes the me time is great and l do like it.But like everyone else pozzie or not sometimes the lonely moments creep up on me.

I just do what you all keep doing it is one day at a time.

Having found all of you makes me feel a lot less alone. That helps a lot.

Valium for sleep and Marinol (or equivalent) for relaxation as well as the intended ramp-up of appetite.

I generally get by so long as I have errands and chores to do. But there are occasional days when I'm all caught up, and that's when I start thinking about all sorts of things...today is one of those days.

Being a realist, I doubt much will ever change at this point. The two strikes against me are that I have wasting (which is off-putting to some, and by 'some' I mean other poz guys,) coupled with the fact that I don't fit the typical gay personality with typical gay interests I guess. I can't change my body, and I can't (if I even wanted to) change my persona. Unfortunately the good qualities I possess are not the types of things which trigger much interest in the gay community.

As another member referenced, I am happy to have my pet cat for the last four years. Though in no way does she compensate for lack of a relationship or functional good friendship, she's a bright spot in my life.

I've known some people who almost go to pieces if they're alone for more than a few hours. Thank God I'm not like that. But days turn into weeks turn into months...with minimal social contact...and it ain't easy. We're human after all.

But I can look in the mirror (figuratively) and know that I have made reasonable efforts to reach out to others. No, I don't cajole people to like me, I don't pester people, I don't give a sales pitch. I don't want someone through those means. I think I get by because I have learned how to love myself (which ironically came about by rejection due to my appearance.)

I fear my post may sound whiney...I hope not...that's not the intention at all. I'm just sharing my experiences in case there is anyone else in my boat...so that they won't feel alone.

I responded to this thread a month ago but something new is developing in my life, so I thought I would like to share.

I met someone on one of the committees I serve on. He has been real nice, exciting, fun and interesting. We are going on our first date sometime next week.

I live on one of the most popular rivers in North America for Kayaking and Canoeing. We are going to drag my canoe down the hill to the river and go on a tour of the vineyards, have some picnic lunch and then try and paddle upstream, against the current. I'll probably just tie the canoe to the roof of the car but, nothing in life is easy anymore so why would a date be any different? Have the best dayMichael

When my wife passed away in 1999, I got introduced to being alone the hard way. Since we spent 3 days apart in 15 years, I had some serious adjusting to do. The first few years were rough, I felt weird even going to the movies alone. My wife used to be my best friend. Now I had to become my best friend. It took several years, but I found out that by being depressed and lonely only made things worse. People don't want to be around others who are depressed. So I started to love life again, rather then just sit at home, alone and feeling sad. It just dawned on me one day: "Hey Idiot! You don't have to be like this!" So I started getting my ass out of the house and doing stuff. The busier I am, the happier I am. I started to get invited to parties. I started living life again. Suddenly I was "Alive " again. And although I haven't met that special one yet, being alone aint bad. I'm happy with who I am, And as Moffie might say..."Warts and all" LoL. My attitude is allot better. I know I'm a good person. So I'm no longer the idiot...I'm just a "happy to be alive" type of guy who takes nothing for granted. I appreciate every moment of my day. I have more Friends now then ever before. And I know now, that being alone is not a crime or a shameful thing. It's a great thing. I love life. And by the way...those who don't love life or have bad attitudes...You won't find me near them!