I Have No Memory

One night I went to bed. I had the worst headache my head had ever had. This massive, continuous vibration taking over my mind had been in my head for what felt like forever, but had only been two week. I couldn’t concentrate on anything. I was also having a difficult time seeing off to my ride side. I felt like I had something jammed into my eye, causing all of this grief.

My doctor was useless. He just wrote it all off as the typical symptoms for a cold. Apparently, though, I must have told him all that I was feeling, or maybe he wouldn’t have been such a dumbass.

I tried to have a normal day and work at the pat store I had been at. That dreadful day, though, I couldn’t even lift a five pound bag of bird seed without feeling an explosion in my head. I was almost unable to see out of my eye anymore. No matter how many times it was rubbed, or I blinked, whatever was crammed in my eye would not leave. I know that when I went home that night, I just passed out within minutes.

Two weeks later, I awoke with my arms strapped to a bed somewhere and I had no idea how I had gotten there.

My mom started explain everything to me. She started explain how she had come up to my room to check on my on a day I was supposed to be getting ready for work. I am never late, but I guess I hadn’t been responding to anyone. When she had come upstairs, saw that I was still in bed, went to wake me, I had no idea who she was.

Seizures can do this to people. They empty the brain of all your thoughts. All your functions, words, I had no idea what had happened that night or any of those days after.

My earliest memory of this, is waking up and seeing my mother’s face when I was speaking to her. I don’t know if I had been in the preceding weeks, but I do remember after I began knowing what was happening around me, I didn’t need to be strapped to my bed anymore. I was free.

I still didn’t know what had happened. Even now, twelve years later, I am still not entirely sure. I have been told over and over, but I know that after that night, I will never be the same. My ability to remember will never be the same.