wife moved out

Hi I'm 23 me and my wife have been together 5 years and have a beautiful 3 year old daughter. About 6 months ago she found out I have transgender feelings and we started seeing a gender therapist. I started going to groups and dressing often. Well I have said alot of mean and hurtful things to my wife since then and scared her. Through all of this I had an I guess awakening and realized this isn't what I want. And that my family means the world to mean and my wife is amazing. Needless to say by the time I realized this it was to late she left on Sunday to live with her dad. I've done nothing but cry and beat myself up for I caused this. I know what I want is to fix things but also know she needs her space right now. Any advice on what to do. I'm heart broken and miss my wife and daughter more then anything they are my world. Please help me.

Hi I'm 23 me and my wife have been together 5 years and have a beautiful 3 year old daughter. About 6 months ago she found out I have transgender feelings and we started seeing a gender therapist. I started going to groups and dressing often. Well I have said alot of mean and hurtful things to my wife since then and scared her. Through all of this I had an I guess awakening and realized this isn't what I want. And that my family means the world to mean and my wife is amazing. Needless to say by the time I realized this it was to late she left on Sunday to live with her dad. I've done nothing but cry and beat myself up for I caused this. I know what I want is to fix things but also know she needs her space right now. Any advice on what to do. I'm heart broken and miss my wife and daughter more then anything they are my world. Please help me.

Ummmm... Pretty deep dude, be ready for a bashing.. You need to go to her and tell her this not us.. I'm not being cold but talking to her about it and everything you just said will do a lot better than dads corner .. Tell her you want to take it slow and go out a couple of times and let her see your ok and prove to her what you really want

Ummmm... Pretty deep dude, be ready for a bashing.. You need to go to her and tell her this not us.. I'm not being cold but talking to her about it and everything you just said will do a lot better than dads corner .. Tell her you want to take it slow and go out a couple of times and let her see your ok and prove to her what you really want

Yeah, this is something you'd better talk to her about and I would strongly suggest you ask her to go to couples counseling with you. Just let her know you don't want to lose her and you're very sorry for what you put her through. There has been a LOT of trust lost in your relationship, maybe most of it. If it's to the point where she left you, then you're really on the doorstep of divorce...so now is not the time to go on message boards asking others what to do, it's time to take action and ask your wife for forgiveness, and to give the relationship another chance with therapy.

Yeah, this is something you'd better talk to her about and I would strongly suggest you ask her to go to couples counseling with you. Just let her know you don't want to lose her and you're very sorry for what you put her through. There has been a LOT of trust lost in your relationship, maybe most of it. If it's to the point where she left you, then you're really on the doorstep of divorce...so now is not the time to go on message boards asking others what to do, it's time to take action and ask your wife for forgiveness, and to give the relationship another chance with therapy.

You mention that you said some horrible things to your wife - you need to spend a lot of time explaining why you did that and asking for her forgiveness. I'd also suggest that you need to be sure that you've worked through what you need to in terms of your transgender issues - the important thing is being able to give her some surety about who you are and how you feel about her, and that means that you need to be clear on it first. Above all, be honest and apologetic and respect her wishes - if she wants to take it one small step at a time you need to do so. Give her space but let her know how much you miss her. Hope it all works out for you guys.

You mention that you said some horrible things to your wife - you need to spend a lot of time explaining why you did that and asking for her forgiveness. I'd also suggest that you need to be sure that you've worked through what you need to in terms of your transgender issues - the important thing is being able to give her some surety about who you are and how you feel about her, and that means that you need to be clear on it first. Above all, be honest and apologetic and respect her wishes - if she wants to take it one small step at a time you need to do so. Give her space but let her know how much you miss her. Hope it all works out for you guys.

Thank you all I am 100% positive that what I want is her. I have worked thought my transgender issues and am now seeing a therapist to work through the things she said I did that hurt her slowly over time. I'm fighting for the woman I love and it hurts more then anything. But I'm going to give her some space and then once I see the councilor some more try to sit down and apologize to her. I screwed up big time but I need to respect her wish to not talk right now too. I'm not going down without risking it all for my family which is the only thing I truly need in my life.

Thank you all I am 100% positive that what I want is her. I have worked thought my transgender issues and am now seeing a therapist to work through the things she said I did that hurt her slowly over time. I'm fighting for the woman I love and it hurts more then anything. But I'm going to give her some space and then once I see the councilor some more try to sit down and apologize to her. I screwed up big time but I need to respect her wish to not talk right now too. I'm not going down without risking it all for my family which is the only thing I truly need in my life.

You also need to prepare yourself for the fact that she may not take you back. I went through a divorce, after 5 years of marriage...I read every book and tried everything I could to fix it, but the fact is the marriage was just broken and she really didn't want to be in it, anymore. The truth is, I didn't really want to be in it anymore either, though. I just hadn't admitted it to myself yet.

In your case, it sounds like you've done some pretty destructive things and more than anything else, what you need to do is introspection - think about where you went wrong, how you can be better, and then even if she won't take you back...you will be much more aware of how to be better, next time around. I know that's not what you want to hear, but it does happen and you should be prepared. Desperation will not win your wife back...genuine change and apology might. But it is going to take time and it's also going to take a LOT of work...for both parties, not just you. This has caused such a profound loss of connection between you and your wife that she doesn't even want to be around you or talk to you about it, anymore. You have to realize what an uphill battle you face, now...go into it with your eyes open.

My advice is to get yourself straightened out, look at your behavior and the things you've said to her, really identify what it is that went wrong from your side of the relationship and what you could have done better. Then spend some time identifying what SHE could have done better to help you, because there is almost always fault on both sides of a relationship, when it crumbles. And if the relationship can't be repaired, be a good father to your kids and look toward the future, where you learn from your experience. I took my failed marriage as a learning experience and I'm WAY better off now, in my marriage to my now-expecting wife.

You also need to prepare yourself for the fact that she may not take you back. I went through a divorce, after 5 years of marriage...I read every book and tried everything I could to fix it, but the fact is the marriage was just broken and she really didn't want to be in it, anymore. The truth is, I didn't really want to be in it anymore either, though. I just hadn't admitted it to myself yet.

In your case, it sounds like you've done some pretty destructive things and more than anything else, what you need to do is introspection - think about where you went wrong, how you can be better, and then even if she won't take you back...you will be much more aware of how to be better, next time around. I know that's not what you want to hear, but it does happen and you should be prepared. Desperation will not win your wife back...genuine change and apology might. But it is going to take time and it's also going to take a LOT of work...for both parties, not just you. This has caused such a profound loss of connection between you and your wife that she doesn't even want to be around you or talk to you about it, anymore. You have to realize what an uphill battle you face, now...go into it with your eyes open.

My advice is to get yourself straightened out, look at your behavior and the things you've said to her, really identify what it is that went wrong from your side of the relationship and what you could have done better. Then spend some time identifying what SHE could have done better to help you, because there is almost always fault on both sides of a relationship, when it crumbles. And if the relationship can't be repaired, be a good father to your kids and look toward the future, where you learn from your experience. I took my failed marriage as a learning experience and I'm WAY better off now, in my marriage to my now-expecting wife.

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