Back in the late 19th Century. We have before us an April 20, 1890 Washington Post article entitled "English Women Criticised: Eugene Field Says Many of Them Have Big Feet and Drink Gin." Now that's the kind of hard-hitting headline you just don't see any more. In the article, Field sputters at the contention that English women wear large shoes for comfort. No, says this lover of unvarnished truth, the plain fact is that "English women have big feet--abnormally big feet." If the rest of the article is any indication, your average englishwoman used her abnormally large dogs solely to "reel" out of public barrooms, babes in arms. It kind of makes us wish we'd lived in fin de siecle London, it does. There's nothing we love more than a big-footed, drunken englishwoman. Unless it be the Frenchman, written up in the September 30, 1883 edition of the Post, "who drank every day seven pints of wine, twelve ponies of brandy and three glasses of absinthe before each meal." According to the article, he lived to be seventy. And, it goes without saying, our hero.

America is one big idiot convention. They gathered 'em up from all around, and left 'em to wander around here in their SUVs and vote for Bush. Though now, it seems, these very same dolts disapprove of just about everything said Bush is doing. Like the dimbulbs couldn't figure out he was a schmuck before they cast their ballot for him--twice! Actually, the booboisie still approves of his performance vis a vis terrorism. Which figures, given the State Department's recent figures--which they had no attention of showing anybody, by the way--showing that terrorist acts skyrocketed in 2004. But none of these acts of terrorism occurred in Joe America's rec room in Peoria, see, so Joe America doesn't give a good shit. Nor does he give a shit that most of these acts of terrorism occurred as a direct result of the moronic shit we've done to prevent terrorism, the idiot. No, he just licks the blood off his hand, thinking it Jesus Juice.

Today marks the sixtieth anniversary of the wedding of Eva Braun and Adolf Hitler. It was a low-key affair, by entertainment figure standards, but of a celebrity brevity. Within hours the marriage was over, and crack Russian divorce lawyers were sifting through the ashes. Compared to this, Britney's first marriage lasted ages.

X-ray of Hitler's skull; according to neurologists, large white area indicates he'd have been a big fan of Grateful Dead's "Truckin"