A different Thanksgiving: 'It’s panic, but it’s a good panic'

Randi and Calvin Gray of Mamaroneck and their son Chase, 10, are looking forward to having both sides of their family over for Thanksgiving for the first time.
Seth Harrison/Lohud

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Randi and Calvin Gray of Mamaroneck and their son, Chase, 10. The couple is hosting both sides of their family for Thanksgiving for the first time: 30 people, and counting.(Photo: Seth Harrison/The Journal News)Buy Photo

Some things cannot change about Thanksgiving, or it doesn't feel like Thanksgiving. There must be pumpkin pie. And mom's stuffing. And that green-bean casserole.

But this Thanksgiving finds things different than they were last year.

For some, that means a face missing from the Thanksgiving table. Or a new baby to coo over.

Others will welcome friends and family to their home for the first time. Or take in the Macy's parade in person. Or miss the parade for the first time in years.

Somehow, the kids are a year older and can help in the kitchen.

'Blended' panic

Ever since his sister-in-law, Tracie, suggested in a group text that it might be a good idea for Calvin Gray and his wife, Randi, to host Thanksgiving for both sides of the family this year, Cal's mind has been dominated by a singular thought.

“Every night on the walk home from the train station, I have had one question: How many sweet potatoes do I need?” Cal said. There’s a sweet-potato soufflé to consider, and all those sweet-potato pies.

Tracie’s idea opened the floodgates; the guest list ballooned.

“If you invite certain people, you can’t not invite others,” Randi said. “The next thing we knew, it was 30.”

A recent commute turned up more guests. “I’m walking through Grand Central and I see my cousin, Annette. So now she’s coming,” Cal said.

Their not-huge Mamaroneck home will brim with what they’re calling “a blended Thanksgiving.”

In recent years, their Thanksgiving table has had maybe eight. Their first blended holiday will nearly quadruple that.

Cal cooks everything. His menu ranges from a candied bacon appetizer to two deep-fried 30-pound turkeys. There will also be carne asada, maybe a ham, kale and red cabbage, string beans, mac and cheese, Spanish rice, whipped sweet-potato soufflé with marshmallows and a crumb topping. Dessert is sweet-potato pie and banana pudding in individual Mason jars.

“It’s panic, but it’s a good panic,” Cal said.

When Randi declares herself the sous chef, Cal protests.

“Sous chef? She’s the see chef,” he said. “She watches me cook.”

If they sound like a comedy act, you get the picture.

Tracie, whose idea this all was, has promised to help in the kitchen. So has their son, Chase.

“It’s a terrible idea, but it’s a good idea,” Cal said. “It’s an idea based off of love.”

Kathryn and Jessica Accurso as balloon handlers for the SpongeBob SquarePants balloon at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade in 2011. This is the first year in a dozen years that the Accursos won't be part of the parade.(Photo: Kathryn Accurso)

Parade from a distance

For Kathryn Accurso of Somers, this is the first Thanksgiving in years that she won’t have a connection to the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.

For the past dozen years, she and her daughter, Jessica, volunteered at the parade, first as clowns along the route — "We were even sent to Clown College!” she said — then as balloon handlers, under such oversized characters as SpongeBob SquarePants, Dora the Explorer and Elf on The Shelf.

It meant getting up at 4 a.m. to get to the Upper West Side on time.

“Although she wasn’t always happy to get up while the rest of the world was still dreaming, Jessica was a good sport," Kathryn said "It was my dream made even better because I got to share it with my daughter."

Jessica moved to Boston last year, but still made one last trip down to take part in the 2016 parade. This year, mother and daughter plan to watch the parade on TV, one in Somers, the other in Boston.

Anne Murphy Baer of Blauvelt, center, front row, with her 9 children: Back row, from left: Chris, Paul, Ed, Ray, Bill. Front row, she is flanked by, from left: Helen, Denise, Barbara and Maureen. This will be the family's first Thanksgiving without Baer, who died Oct. 31 and was known as "Murph" to her family.(Photo: Barbara Aubin)

Missing 'Murph'

When Barbara Aubin thinks of Thanksgiving, she remembers her widowed mom at the head of the table, amid the happy chaos in the Blauvelt home where she raised nine children.

Thanksgiving meant turkey and mashed potatoes, green-bean casserole and pies — and one side dish for mom only.

“She had a particular desire for something none of us ever acquired a taste for: Pearl onions in cream sauce,” Barbara said with a laugh.

Her mom, Anne Murphy Baer — known as “Murph” to her family — died on Oct. 31. Her husband, Carl, died in 1983.

Their house on Blauvelt Road, just up from Van Houten’s Farm, is empty now and will be sold next month. But the Baer family’s Thanksgiving memories — of food and football and playing the ABC game — are strong.

“She always had this prayer card that she’d get in the mail from one of the charities she used to give to,” Barbara said. “It would have a Thanksgiving blessing on it and before you even said grace, she had to read whatever that new prayer card was.”

This year, the family — many but not all of the Baer siblings and many but not all of Baer’s 17 grandchildren — will gather in Orangeburg for Thanksgiving, at the home of the eighth child, Maureen.

Barbara is sure there will be tears at the Thanksgiving table. There also might be a bowl of pearl onions in cream sauce.

“I might have to,” she said with a laugh. “It’s a tradition.”

Susan Krackehl, back row, third from right, and her family celebrate Thanksgiving at her brother's log home on the Mohawk River north of Albany. For the first time in her life, this year Krackehl, 70, will be the oldest person at the family's Thanksgiving table.(Photo: Susan Krackehl)

Holiday seniority

It has been a long time since Katonah’s Susan Krackehl sat at the kids’ table for Thanksgiving, but not so long that she thinks it’s time for the distinction she’ll have this year: When her family gathers at her brother’s log home on the Mohawk River in upstate Clifton Park north of Albany, she will be the oldest person at the table.

Her Aunt Ruth died a few months ago and her Uncle Leo is too frail to make it to the feast.

“Of my brother and my cousins, I’m the oldest," she said. "Then we have our kids and their kids. I was thinking that they view us the way we viewed the old gray-haired people 60 years ago.”

There will be 18 to 20 around the table, ranging in age from Susan, at 70, to her granddaughter, who is 19 months old.

She’ll take note of her senior status, no doubt, when looking around the table this Thanksgiving, but even more so when the family gathers for its annual post-meal photo.

That’s when she'll be faced with photographic proof that “we have indeed moved up in age, at least in body, if not in mind.”

Raven Valdes, of Mount Vernon, bought the home once owned by her grandmother, Jeanne Fleaurandes, who died three years ago. This Thanksgiving, Valdes will host her first Thanksgiving, using some of her "Nana's" platters and holiday dishes.(Photo: Raven Valdes)

Raven's home; Nana's platters

Hosting her first Thanksgiving as a homeowner in Mount Vernon, Raven Valdes doesn’t have to look far for inspiration for her holiday table.

She bought the home once owned by her grandmother, Jeanne Fleaurandes, who died three years ago. She also inherited the serving platters and holiday dishes her "Nana" used.

“When I found all the stuff, I said it would come in handy and I’m sure she’d be happy to see it used again,” Raven said.

If she needs guidance, her mother, Renee, lives right across the street. Mom will bring at least three desserts, including her apple cake, which she makes in batches of four.

“In my family, we never go anywhere empty handed,” Raven said.

This year will be her first time hosting her family — her parents, aunts, uncles, cousins — and her husband Dan’s family.

Watching her mother host all those years, she has one key takeaway: “Cook as much as you can the day before so you can enjoy your guests while they’re there.”

The only wrinkle to that plan is that Raven's plans call for her to drive to Pennsylvania on Thanksgiving Eve to pick up her mother-in-law, who does not drive.

She realizes she gets major daughter-in-law points for making the trip, and hosting the dinner, and jokes that she hopes Dan realizes that that leaves him with some cleaning chores.

When asked how likely her husband is to help dress up the house, there is a long pause before Valdes giggled and said, “about 50 percent.”

CLOSE

Thanksgiving will be different due to the death of Karen Doblin's husband, Steven, and the birth of her first grandchild Landon Steven Doblin on Nov. 14, 2017.
Carucha L. Meuse /lohud.com

Bittersweet holiday

Karen Doblin will bring the turkey to her son Evan’s home in Harrison this Thanksgiving, and bring to a close a year that began with the unexpectedly tragic and ends with long-anticipated joy.

Her husband of 37 years, Croton-on-Hudson psychologist Steve Doblin, died without warning in January. Their first grandchild, Landon Steven Doblin, was born to Evan and his wife, Marisol, in October.

“My husband died on Jan. 29. Landon was born exactly nine months to the day, on Oct. 29. And we were married on May 29. To me, that’s unbelievable,” she said.

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This will be Karen Doblin's first Thanksgiving without her husband, Steve, who died in January, and her first as a grandmother, to Landon Steven Doblin, born in October. Karen lives in Croton-on-Hudson.(Photo: Carucha L. Meuse/The Journal News)

Karen, a nurse practitioner at a neurology and pain-management department in Yonkers, is learning to manage the pain of her loss.

“Death is final,” she said. “There’s nothing you can do about it. You have to adjust to it and be resilient and move on, eventually. It’s nice to have a wonderful thing, to have a wonderful baby, as an extension of my husband, living through the baby and carrying on his grandfather’s legacy.”

Her husband was eager to be a doting grandfather, Karen said.

“He was always asking about our daughters-in-law: ‘Do you think they’re pregnant yet? Is it time yet?’ He would have loved it,” Karen said. “He would have been a major spoiler.”

He never got to meet Landon, whose grandmother calls him “a munchkin from Munchkinland.”

Another next-generation Doblin munchkin — to her son, David, and his wife, Nicole — is due in May.

For decades, Paul and Ellen Angeron of Carmel have watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on TV. This year, they plan to see it in person.(Photo: Paul Angeron)

Parade bound

For decades, Paul Angeron has been watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade on TV, from the comfort of his Carmel home.

This year, that changes.

The retired school administrator and his teacher wife, Ellen, plan to trek into Manhattan early on Thanksgiving to meet his wife’s sister and her boyfriend, who invited the couple to take in the New York City holiday tradition with them.

“It was so appealing, I said: ‘Count me in!’” Paul said. After the parade, they’ll meet their son and his girlfriend and head back to Carmel for a Thanksgiving dinner.

“It’s something I’ve always wanted to do,” Paul said. “Now, more than ever, to go down to the city, in light of what’s happened recently (with the Halloween truck attack), it’s a way of saying, ‘We live near the city, but we embrace all it has to offer.’ This year, I'll go with open arms.”

Teddy Gerrity and mom, Christine, at his Iona Prep graduation last spring. This will be Teddy's first Thanksgiving returning home from college.(Photo: Christine Gerrity)

Freshman’s return

Christine Gerrity offers no apologies. She’s a clingy mom to her son, Teddy, a freshman studying sports management at the University of Tampa.

The last time she saw Teddy was when she pulled away from the curb outside his dorm in August, at drop-off. That was three long months ago, too long for an unapologetically clingy mom like Gerrity.

“I told him to bring laundry, bring anything,” she said. “He brings all this commotion, but I love when the house is full of commotion. I love all his friends. It’s noise. It’s food. It’s back and forth. It’s doors slamming. I love the whole thing. I hate it when the house is quiet.”

Mom, Teddy and his sister, Bridget, will be heading to Bedford for Thanksgiving at Gerrity’s sister’s home. For the duration of dinner, Christine knows she’ll have to share him with the family, but she won’t let him get too far away.

“We will be sitting next to each other, if not sharing the same chair,” she said, perhaps only kidding a little.

“He knows what to expect. He knows what he’s walking into. But I will love knowing he’s in the house. It doesn’t feel normal without him in the house.”

Margie and John Scerba, standing, and John's sister, Helen Hark, who died in 2016. Helen alternated Thanksgivings, spending one with her son and the next in Nanuet with the Scerbas. This would have been the year she spent in Nanuet, bringing her signature lemon meringue and apple pies.(Photo: Margie Scerba)

Right-hand guest

Every Thanksgiving for decades, when Nanuet's Margie Scerba looked to her right at the Thanksgiving table, she’d see her sister-in-law, Helen.

In recent years, Helen would spend every other Thanksgiving in Nanuet, with her brother, John, and Margie and the family. The other years, she'd celebrate with her son, perhaps going to a restaurant.

But every other year, when she came to Nanuet, she was sure to bring “top-notch” pies: Lemon meringue and apple.

“Her last name was Hark, like ‘Hark! The Herald Angels Sing!'” Margie recalled. “And she was an angel.”

When Margie and John were first married, Thanksgiving was always at Helen’s where “she cooked up a storm,” Margie recalled.

“After we were married a few years, I told her ‘You gotta share it. We have to have it, too.’ And we started to share it. Then she got older and we would have it.”

The Scerbas have lived in Nanuet for 48 years; Helen, who was a nurse, ended up in Airmont, and died in 2016.

Thinking of not seeing Helen on her right at the Thanksgiving table this year brings Margie to tears.

“I think I spoke to her almost every day,” she said, sniffling. “I miss that so much.”

If you didn't make it to Farm Sanctuary’s Celebration for the Turkeys event in Watkins Glen, New York, you can help turkeys by sponsoring a rescued turkey who lives at Farm Sanctuary through their Adopt a Turkey Project. Details at www.farmsanctuary.org(Photo: Farm Sanctuary)

A feast for turkeys

Theresa Palmieri and her husband, Paul, live in Yonkers, but their Thanksgiving first involves driving more than four hours upstate, to Watkins Glen.

“We are going to a farm sanctuary to feed Thanksgiving dinner to the turkeys. Yes, to the turkeys.”

The Palmieris have been vegetarian for 10 years.

“I saw a picture of a turkey being offered a salad and I thought it was the cutest thing," Theresa said. "Last year, it was sold out, so I started checking in July and I booked it in August.”

Tables will be set with linen tablecloths and filled with yams, kale salad and cranberries.

“Then the sanctuary provides us with a delicious vegan dinner in a beautiful hotel on the magnificent Seneca Lake,” she wrote. “We are so excited!” (Learn more at www.farmsanctuary.org.)

Elisabeth and David Racioppo, from Yorktown, will welcome their children home to their condo, a year older, a year wiser, a year more appreciative.(Photo: David Racioppo)

'A deeper appreciation'

Three years ago, empty-nesters Dave and Elisabeth Racioppo downsized into a condo from the Yorktown home they had for more than 27 years.

But Dave said the smaller space won’t keep them from hosting Thanksgiving dinner for 26 “plus whoever pokes their head in the door.”

What’s different this year is that longtime friends won’t be joining them. And there’s something else, Dave said, something more subtle, something that parents come to see around Thanksgiving tables everywhere.

“We have four kids — two married, two single — and they’re older and more mature now,” he said. “They appreciate the holiday, much more than when they were little.”

They range in age from 25 to 35, “but they’re still kids to us."

"Each year we all gain a greater appreciation for the simpler but most meaningful things in life, like our togetherness, laughter, and sharing our own life’s challenges with each other," Dave said. "For us, tradition has enriched more than ever our understanding of how fleeting life is, and how special a large get-together can be."

Two things that will not change on the Racioppo holiday table: Grandma Belle and Ida's sugar cookies, named for Elisabeth’s grandmothers; and pureed sweet peas with sour cream.