Toilet Humor - Toilets and Bathrooms are also Known by Other Names

The room I call a bathroom is known by other names. The same thing goes for the sanitation fixture I call a toilet. It depends on where you’re from or where you live. It also depends on what language or languages you speak.

I’m obviously focused on English speakers, but not necessarily American English speakers. Filipino English isn’t the same as American English and neither is the English spoken in countries other than the United States (obviously).

The Toilet

Is “toilet” a dirty word? Why is it that Americans will avoid using that term unless they’re talking about cleaning one.

When I need to go, and it’s usually all of sudden when I do, I just say “I’m going to the toilet.” Other people use creative words and phrases to sidestep the issue. Here’s some of the things I’ve heard:

I’m sure you get the point. Here’s another list of the things people call the toilet, some totally incorrect I’m sure:

bathroom

commode

john

throne

porcelain god

porcelain goddess

pot

The Bathroom

The bathroom has a lot of names, some more correct than others. In fact, bathroom is only correct when the room has a bath in it. A bathroom without a toilet is probably the most correct. Here’s yet another list:

boys’ room

comfort room or C.R. (Philippines)

girls’ room

head

john

ladies’ room

latrine

lavatory

loo (British)

mens’ room

restroom

washroom

water closet

I understand “latrine” (used by the Army) but I’ll never understand “head” (used by the Navy and Marine Corps). It isn’t at the head of anything that I’m aware of.

Other Things to Ponder

When someone is sick or drunk and kneeling in front of the toilet, I like to say they’re “praying to the porcelain goddess”. Other people like to ask if that person was speaking to “Ralph”, pronounced like the act of vomiting.

When some people have had a pretty wet time at the toilet, they say things like “I just got done painting the toilet.” These days, I spend far more time on the toilet than I like to admit and I’ve painted a lot of toilets in recent years.

Some people use some type of paper to wipe their butts. It’s usually toilet paper, but some use regular tissue paper, paper towels and even sheets of newspaper (it’s like wiping your butt with sandpaper) in an emergency. Other people wash their butts, drying them or not when they’re done.

What I’ve written isn’t really humorous. Dirty jokes are often called toilet humor but I’m not really good at telling dirty jokes. Even if I was, I wouldn’t waste my time putting them online (any more than I already have - check the first two articles on this website).