Books about dating after losing a spouse

Although I decided to wear my wedding ring for a year after his death (as a respectful gesture to Frank and to keep unwanted male attention at bay), six months in, I felt ready to date.I had started to miss companionship, the everyday pleasures of having a man in my life.

And this, the only appropriate designation, felt hard-earned.

Frank's sickness and death belonged to him, but they had changed my life, too, making demands and requiring sacrifices.

At a young age, I concluded that widows were different from other women, set apart, other. Not long ago, I met a man with whom I instantly hit it off.

A friend of a friend, he looked me up when he was traveling through New York from Europe.

Well, yes, of course I loved him, but our marriage was like most: It had highs and lows.

In the year before Frank got sick, we'd gone through marriage counseling and even a trial separation, but there was never any question that I'd be there during his illness.

ONE MARCH AFTERNOON IN 2010, I logged on to Facebook and glanced at my relationship status.

My 42-year-old husband, Frank, had been dead for a month, but it still said "Married." Then, in a surreal, only-in-the-21st-century moment, I changed it to "Widowed." I hesitated, but I had to do it: No word but So, at age 39, after seven years of marriage, I was no longer married; I was a widow.

They hadn't, but I still felt comfortable discussing it with him.

Perhaps because it didn't feel like a real date, only a hastily scheduled get-together, I felt none of the pressure that goes along with courtship.

" One recent date loved to vent about his everyday stresses--the grueling hours he logged as a music producer, the intensely competitive nature of his work--but would stop himself by saying, "I know this is nothing compared to what you've been through." Maybe he was trying to be sympathetic, but it seemed as though, in some bizarre way, he resented my situation, that in terms of our life experience, the playing field wasn't even and his problems couldn't possibly bear any weight.