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Monday, November 17, 2014

I Think I Just Un-Imprinted.

Back in late 2008, I came across a copy of Entertainment Weekly with some guy on the cover. I didn't know who he was or what landed him there, but I knew he was damn easy on the eyes even with that popped collar and the big poofy hair. There was just something pleasantly unnerving about that gaze...

First Sight. Well HELLOOOOOOOOOOOO there. You make me feel funny.

Since then...well...you all know how I happily went down the rabbit hole, gleefully clapping my hands and taking as many people along with me as possible. These days - honestly? I don't give it all much thought. Don't get me wrong: it was a super-special, remarkably amazing time in my life and I am always thankful for everything that came out if it. THAT I think of often. I regret [almost] nothing. And I'm going to come right out and say (as if you all didn't already know...) that there's been a lot - a LOT - of blatant, shameless objectification over the years. We've written countless words about this man's hands, his fingers, his eyes, his mouth, his abs (or lack thereof - we didn't even care that they were mostly only there through the grace of a makeup artist), and his general hotness. But perhaps more than anything, we fixated on his hair. That HAIR!

OK, maybe not more than his smexy-times stare, but that mane of hair was a BIG part of the package.

We liked it in Twilight...

...and when he was promoting Twilight...

Rome Rob was nearly the death of me!

Yeah, I know he was under some contractual obligation or something to not cut it all off at this point and I DON'T CARE! Viva la lawyers and whoever else made this possible!

And when he finally did THIS -

...somehow we survived. Because let's face it: while I would have happily glued every strand back on - individually! - if given the chance, he was still blazingly hot and there's plenty of room in fanfic for stubble.

Long, short, in between - it. didn't. matter.

Kinda short? Woo hoo!

Long enough to make me want to tug it? Yes please!

Running his hands through it constantly? ;jbvuhsgs;esr;jbhfd...

We even kept a stiff upper lip and dealt with hats and beanies and various hoods and headgear.

...although I did pout when he showed up at the Times Talk we attended covering up that mane.

In short (well, not so short, but admit it - you liked looking at all those photos), the man has always had good hair.

So the other day when Latchkey Wife sent me a link that had the words "so wtf is up with robert pattinsons hair" in it, I was...concerned. I clicked tentatively, hoping for the best. I mean, how bad could it be??? IT WAS WORSE.

Well this is odd but ooookaaaay...

Wait--what the...?!

JMFHF ROBERT PATTINSON HAS A LANDING STRIP ON THE BACK OF HIS HEAD.

what. the. actual. fuck. Did he lose a bet??? WHY is he lady-scaping the back of his head?! Is his hairstylist secretly VERY HARDCORE Team Jacob and still incredibly bitter? Did his girlfriend issue some sort of "I will if you will" ultimatum and this was his clever way of complying? Does he not know that whoever gave him this bowl cut (and I assume they have since went into hiding) left a patch? As if the "bowl & buzz" wasn't enough?. Whatever - I DON'T LIKE IT. I would prefer that fucked up thing he had on his head at ComicCon that one year, even if it had nothing to do with a movie role.

Even this is better. THIS.

I think something in me died a little when I saw these pics, or maybe was finally brought back down to Earth. I don't know why it irked me so much; I acknowledge that it's strange that I would give a crap or have an opinion in the first place. OK, actually,
I kinda DO know why it made me rant: I am not bothered that he cut his hair; I am bothered that he is someone who would cut his hair like THAT. I'm bothered because I don't think I would like someone who thought
this haircut was a good idea. There. I said it. So congratulations,
Robert Pattinson, on FINALLY coming up with a way to get at least one of the middle-aged weirdos who was inexplicably spellbound by you to throw up her hands in bewilderment.

51 comments:

Oh my goodness! I, just...Ahh!! First off, HI!! I've missed you guys sooo much!Second, yes, wtf is up with his hair. I sure hope it's for a movie. Cause that's a bad 80's hair cut. Lol. Third, it's just hair and it will grow back just like we said with the buzz cut. And he does have some balls to go out with it. Go Rob! Eat, drink, and be hairy!Ps love you guys and hope you're doing well!!

He has a fucking soul patch on the back of his head. Soul patch. Nothing says "I'm a fucking douche canoe" more than a soul patch on the front of your head. One on the back of your head combined with bowl cut that would make Moe from the Three Stooges envious screams "I was high on a small mountain of cocaine when I thought this was a good plan."

Back when Mr. Snarky and I started dating, he let me put his (long) hair into all these little braids that stuck up all over his head, and he went out and played a rock show like that (it is very possible we were not even a little bit sober). But if I had come at him brandishing clippers, I'm pretty sure he would have run for the hills (rightfully show).

That is absolutely cringe-worthy. I mean, who in the hell would go out in public like that. I'm not sure he really did it on purpose or I think he would've done it earlier just to get us off of his back. If he only knew that's all it would take...

I'll admit that it took me three days to hit "post" after I had written this, and I probably would have deleted it if nobody had left a comment by now lol... I am just this side of forlorn! So many years of adoration and then I'm all "Am I this fucking shallow?!" -- ladies, I am sure there is a story in there somewhere that will make me eat my words, but for now I guess I gotta stand by my "WHHHHHHHYYY?!?!"

It's late but I'll be back tomorrow to dish more in the comments - love you guys! Plus it's too late to kick me out of the Twidom (or what's left of it) - you are all stuck with me now! xoxoxo : )

All I can say is, it's been a long time! Something made me seek this place out after a lengthy absence. I'll be honest; I was quite surprised to find it to still be in existence. Wow! I don't know if you (Snarky) or Jenny remember me - Quakerbridge Mall In Lawrenceville, NJ to meet PFach a few years ago. I've since moved to NC...

He must be going threw a mini breakdown shedding anything to do with his before. He seems to be going against everything he said he didn't want. I won't get in to his recent choice in woman his to make. The hair well he's looking like a fool lately the whole package clothes,needs to do some growing up.

Yeah, it's cringe worthy, but here's what I THINK................Rob was in Toronoto recently with Robert DeNiro getting ready to do a movie (can't recall the name), but at the last minute they stopped production because they lost the funding. (You all saw the pics of him and Twigs around Toronto). So until they come up with alternative money, the picture won't be made. It was around that time "the hair" came into view. So I'm THINKING it was for that role. GOD, PPLLEEAASSEE TELL ME IT WAS FOR THAT ROLE!!!! :)

Mid nineties boy band?? Bwahahahaha! No, it was called "Idol's Eye", a movie based on the true story of a gang of thieves who plot to rob a pawn store, only to discover the shop is just a front for a violent crime boss. :) So the "do" might fit that role.............

And I agree CC, the Boy is still more than swoonworthy..............:)

I was so excited to get an email from the TWITARDS! Your post is spot on, Snarky. I wouldn't worry though ... he probably lost a drunken bet with his buddies or something. He could easily fix that with the buzz cut. I'd be totally okay with that ... yum ;-)

Monk in front, muff in back.I CANNOT WITH THIS SHIT. It's like some nightmarish new-age dead protein sculpture atop his head. If this motherfucker is trying to cull the herd, it's working. Because THIS is me rtfn:

Aww, I was so happy to see twitarded in my inbox again. I've so missed it. I am laughing so hard I'm crying--at your post and the comments! You always gave me a chuckle, and I think we all needed this, considering we've been through, as my friend called it, the "Hair Follicle Boondoggle of 2014"! Thank god it didn't last long, and he came to his senses and buzzed it all off. We shall forget it ever happened. Hopefully. With time. What WAS he thinking, though? I'd love to know...

Btw, I still love him, and have forgiven his momentary lapse in judgment. Lets just hope he never repeats that mistake again. Though, as RobbieElise said above, he still has plenty of other attributes to enjoy. Sure am glad that hairdo (if it can even be called that) is gone.

Yay for Twitarded! And Snarky! And all you guys! blogger as usual is eating posts right and left so if I end up posting 50 times that is why.Theory 1 (MYG's) - he doesn't give a fuckTheory 2 - he lost a betBut who cares? At least he's back in the news so it's worth trolling the internet at least once a week now. Not of course that I even care what some 20 something heart-throb is up to... Nostalgia. It's all nostagia.

It seriously was a disaster. I mean, ComicCon hair was for fucking Cronenberg, so we let that shit slide. Still, we huffed about the locks and waxed nostalgic about times gone by, and that was the beginning. Only we didn't know it yet.

I just can't quit my google alert for this man, and when the week of the MonkMuff (TY, Mama C for that visual masterpiece) came about, my feed was full of awful, cringy, whimperingly bad pap shots. That one day (hour?) when he was wearing a hat over the disaster and we thought it *might* be a sweet little mohawk? That was a good day. But then the hat came off and so did his brains.

Holy shitballs I miss commenting here! Something made me look at my old blog and I noticed the blogroll to my right said Twitarded posted 4 weeks ago. I almost shit my pants in anticipation. And best yet, STY posted?! I soooooooo miss these days. I do. I regret nothing. It was a time in my life that I so needed. I'm thankful every day that it all happened. On to RPattz hair, seriously dude? I think it's grown in since then, but why does he have a vagina on the back of his head? Maybe FKA Twiggs is into that shit? Love ya! xo

Man, I miss you guys. Coming here was always one of the highlights of my day. I know that sounds sad, but it is true. I don't think I've laughed as hard since this site went dormant! Thought about you all when I saw all the screaming fans at the 50 Shades premier on the Today Show this morning.

I agree with you, although he and twigs haven't been in the news lately so I have been hoping they have broken up. I know it will probably never happen but I would like to see him and Kristen get back together. they were such a cute couple.

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