Semicompetence

Playing as much Fates Forever as we did, those familiar lanes and interactions ultimately rekindled some kinda Goddamn LOL thing. It’s sort of like how there are always collectible card games of one kind or another coming out, and they are good for whatever reasons that particular one is good, and then a new Magic release crops up and now you’re fucked again. All paths wind up the hill, back to the Old Temple.

Getting back in has been a bumpy motherfucking road. Getting back into Call of Duty typically involves securing the freshest release and then being pulverized. But you can be pulverized immediately in League, once you update your client, and you might find that your champ has been altered or that the store has new items or that the items have changed. There’s a skin that forms over the top of it, especially around tournament time, but underneath it the broth is always in motion.

You have to adopt a kind of radical self-love to endure the treatment you will assuredly receive at the hand, or perhaps the raking scythe arm, of your competitors - some of which are huge bipedal insects. You need to redefine victory as enfolding in its radiant arms “games in which I lost, but I did not comport myself like a mindless rodent.” And we have endeavored to do so.

(I don’t want beef, but. I believe League of Legends is more humane than DOTA 2 as a gameplay experience, to the extent that it represents an authentic sequel to DOTA. We have a name for what DOTA 2 is, and it’s called an HD Remaster, a Director’s Cut, or a Remake. It’s practically illegible as an eSport and the courier is dumb. I believe all these things because I am even worse at DOTA than I am at League of Legends.)

The strangest alteration to our experience of the game is the ongoing professionalization of even casual matches. I never bought a ward until a couple weeks ago. Not once. Jungling used to be optional, novel even. Everybody ran 212, bought all their shit, and then collided with one another. I wasn’t good before, but I could save you; I could make them regret it. The pieces are all there, and the board is there, but the metaphysics have changed. Typing it makes no sense, but I can’t wait to fail again.