How to shift your reality now

Sometimes you gotta say: No

by ariannablack on April 10, 2012

Keys Beck Road. Looking back to Wheeldale Bridge from where the road meets the Roman Road. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As my readers know by now, each day of this blog reflects an aspect of my life along with a particular theme. Some of you may wonder why I don’t just get to it, and make a list of the top 7 KEYS to shift your reality. You may wonder why you have to hunt and peck, sifting through the blog like a bird, waiting, anxiously for the grains of inspiration that should be yours for the taking.

Well, there is good reason for this. I am sharing my process with you during these 30-days, so the writing is fresh and authentic. If I simply listed the keys in alphabetical order or wrote this blog like any other self-help book, you could simply turn the pages to the required chapters and get your answer. Now, I’m not saying there isn’t an advantage in this other process – it’s quick and simple. But you wouldn’t really learn, and I wouldn’t have the opportunity to share this journey with you.

This experience is rather like making a cake and inventing the recipe at the same time. It’s organic and fluid. If you just drive to the bakery and buy the cake, you have the end product, but you miss the fun of creation. Besides, I’m making it up as I go along!

Shift Your Reality Now

So how do you create what you want? You have to know what to leave in and what to leave out. In other words:

KEY #2: Saying Yes and Saying No to Life

Do you realize the importance of this? Oh, sure, I could use another term such as “knowing what you want.” In essence, however, it still comes down to: Saying Yes or Saying No. Doesn’t that sound simple? Well, guess what? It is and it isn’t.

Sometimes we have to keep saying, No, No, No and No. I’m not going to take it anymore. My mind is made up and I am still saying No. Dear Universe, no matter what you throw at me, no matter how many obstacles you may place in my path. I am adamant. No.

Today, I had an excellent example of this. I spoke on the telephone with a close friend of mine who happens to live in the UK. She has made a decision to be emotionally available for a man who shares her values and vision for marriage. Now, please don’t misunderstand me when I am speaking of women getting married in their 30s or 40s. We are not 20-something year old school-girls with stars in our eyes, full of idealism about the institution of marriage. No. We just happen to believe that we would prefer to be in a stable, happy monogamous relationship with a mate, who also happens to believe in marriage. (And yes, we do believe it is possible.) Although the Institution of Marriage, according to some naysayers may be on its deathbed, it hasn’t been officially cremated, so there is hope for those of us who still wish to obtain our MRS.

Marriage in America in 2010 (Photo credit: GEEKSTATS)

Here’s my point. My friend told me that she has literally been tested by the Universe on the not-so-subtle-point of saying ‘No”. It’s quite an extraordinary story. She happens to work in the public sector in an occupation where there are a majority of men. People often tell her that she is really fortunate as she has the opportunity to meet lots of men in any given day. However, it turns out, these men that she has been meeting, and in particular these men who have been asking her out – four of them in the last week – are all married. It was quite an astonishing story. One or two might be a coincidence, but four – really? She assured me, (hand on heart), that she was not making this up.Because she is so clear about knowing what she wants, she was able to literally say: No, no, no and no. She has mastered the art of saying NO to what she doesn’t want, in order to receive what she does want. In my view, this is an excellent example of “How to Shift Your Reality”. If she wasn’t clear about her intention to get married and be in a monogamous relationship, she might have stumbled by the time No. 3 came along said:

Oh, why not. There are clearly no single men left in England so why not go for it.

But she held her ground.

Oddly enough, on the other end of the spectrum, I spoke to a different friend today, (you can see what a hard life blogging really is when you have to spend so much time soliciting the opinions of your friends in order to get fodder for the blog), who said his choice was saying No to marriage, as he describes himself as polyamorous. In his case, he had been married before, more than once, and decided that he didn’t need marriage as a lifestyle.So my homework – and yours – is really all about taking the initial step and asking yourself:

Is there an area in my life where I can say No? I’ve had enough.

In my case, I have already shared part of my story about reclaiming my fragmented soul, and in that retrieval process recognizing that I was still attached to the past and that old relationship. I am now quite confident, I believe, in saying No.

What about you? How would you score yourself on a scale of 1- 10? Do you find it easy or difficult to say No. Tell me.

3 responses to “Sometimes you gotta say: No”

When I first decided to needed to learn to say ‘No’ I didn’t even know how to start. Then I learned to say ‘No’ so well that I said ‘No’ to everything. Clearly that was not the solution either. Finally I learned when to say ‘No’ and when I could actually say ‘Yes’. Now I know I need to check my feelings to be certain what my answer will be.

Recently, the remarkable singer Denise Hagan talked about how useful it was to be clear on what you want (the Yes and Nos). Otherwise the angels have to keep throwing stuff at you to find out what sticks. (laughs)

For me, I have a strong desire to be helpful. Having various skills others can use, I get regular calls with requests. I needed to learn to say no, to recognize when I wasn’t being helpful, when others where being users, and so forth. Like C above, how it feels. This also played out in my consulting business – I found myself giving away too much.

I also recall a period a few years back when within a few weeks of each other, I met several people with boundary issues. All had the same career, so I introduced them to each other, Whoops. It was a good experience for making me clear where my boundaries properly were.

Work is very different from an established intimate relationship. If such a relationship is founded on love and mutual respect, there is rare need to say no.

“Sometimes we have to keep saying, No, No, No and No. I’m not going to take it anymore. My mind is made up and I am still saying No. Dear Universe, no matter what you throw at me, no matter how many obstacles you may place in my path. I am adamant. No!”

With “C’s” “Now I know I need to check my feelings to be certain what my answer will be.”

And Davidya’s “If such a relationship is founded on love and mutual respect, there is rare need to say no.”