April 2012 Bout Recap! The Semi Finals!

Holy crap! Anyone who thought the bouts in March were heart-stopping probably would have been well served carrying a defibrillator into the Cell on April 14 (Milwaukee Day!) for the pulse-pounding semifinals. The Brewcity Bruisers are saving their best for later in the season this year, as the semis produced the biggest thrills and most drama of 2012. Let's dispense with the foreplay and get right to it.

Bout 1: Rushin’ Rollettes 79, Maiden Milwaukee 78

Both teams scrapped and scraped for every advantage they could get in the first half, as nearly every jam began with all the blockers lined up on the jammer line, forcing early scrums as jammers clawed for the first available gap or hole to explode through and get lead jammer status. The Rollettes at one point tried a little trickery, passing the star from jammer to pivot immediately after the second whistle, but the pink and black stayed one step ahead of the Rollettes for most of the first half, carrying a 37-30 lead into the half’s final minute. Rollettes jammer Mother Tucker got held up by the Maidens as SLAYERAH! (note: must always be pronounced at top volume like it’s Metalfest at the Rave) strung together a vicious 14-point jam to send Maiden Milwaukee into halftime with a commanding 51-30 lead.

However, the Rollettes relied on the bruising defense that has been one of their trademarks over the last several seasons and had been largely absent from their 2012 campaign, as Carabunga and Strykher began laying some serious hurt on Maiden jammers. Add some sudden penalty trouble (Maidens blocker Madd Mallett fouled out of the bout after her 5th penalty box trip and pretty soon the Rollettes were holding the Maidens to three points in seven jams in the middle of the second half while Rollette jammers HighD Voltage and Roadie Foster got the skating socialists back into the game (to say nothing of a timely 10-point jam from T. Wrecks). Before you could say “Kill kill kill!” the Rolletes were leading 69-64 after the half’s 11th jam, but the Maidens weren’t done yet. A 8-0 jam from the Romaniac put the pink and black back on top, 72-69, a three-point lead that the Maidens kept into the last jam.

Unfortunately for the Maidens, however, the second last jam featured a costly mistake by Romaniac. As lead jammer, she picked up four quick points and attempted to kill time while, electing to call off the jam right before HighD Voltage would re-engage the pack. But a misjudgment by Romo enabled HighD to grab four points while Romo signaled for the end of the jam! Suddenly what should have been a seven-point Maiden lead going into the final jam was cut back down to three, and the Rollettes jumped all over the mistake. Blue Siren beat Kimberrr to lead jammer status, grabbed four points and the lead, and then called it off once the period clock hit zero, giving the Rollettes a cardiac comeback and a dramatic one-point victory, catapulting the Rollettes once again back into the league championship bout.

Bout 2: Crazy 8s 82, Shevil Knevils 79

The first half looked like the makings of another upset, as the 1-2 Shevils jumped out to a 44-23 lead over the 2-1 defending champion 8s; however, the Shevils showed some early chinks in their armor as several points were left on the track due to poor jam awareness. During jam 9, the 8s’ Zo-Tay escaped the pack first, but was sent to the penalty box for a major track cut. Her counterpart Skittle soon broke through the pack and was awarded lead jammer status, but immediately called off the jam, not realizing that she had a power jam opportunity and thinking that Zo-Tay was still on the track scoring points.

More Shevil mistakes got the Crazy 8s back into the bout early in the second half, as Moby Nipps was sent to the box for cutting the track while wearing the star for her team. Zo-Tay responded by taking advantage of her power jam and grabbing 19 points on four scoring passes. But the real story for the 8s in the second half was the gutsy performance of EmFatale, who took some severe abuse from the Shevils during a pair of jams where her bell was seriously rung and she became the victim of an inadvertent trip by Skittle. After a bit of a scoring drought where the 8s scored only eight points in eight jams, Em exploded for three grand slams and a 15-point jam in the third-from-the-last jam of the bout to set up an insane finish.

Neither EmFatale nor Skittle made it through their initial pass legally in the bout’s final jam, ensuring that the crowd would get a full two-minute jam to determine the Rollettes’ opponent in next month’s championship. The Shevils clung to a 72-68 lead while both jammers worked their way around the track. However, Skittle got caught in the pack and looked unsure of herself while Em grabbed four points and the lead! Skittle eventually got credit for the three points she earned by passing three blockers in her first scoring pass, but two grand slams by EmFatale iced it for the Crazy 8s, setting the table for a 2011 Championship rematch.

So here we are, Milwaukee—counting down the days to Cinco de Mayo and a Crazy 8s/Rushin’ Rollettes final! If you miss this one, you’re as dumb as I am for having ignored Sugar’s Copper Blue album since the late 1990s (have you heard Bob Mould’s playing that whole record at Summerfest this year? Holy crap!). And frankly, that’s pretty stupid. Don’t be me. Be there on May 5!