Roots – Raíces

Don’t get me wrong. I feel this house is more than enough. But there’s some sort of deep fear to be fond of a place (and/or people you shall bid farewell). I don’t manage those things very well, I usually end feeling heartbroken and vulnerable. “What is the point of growing roots if I’m going to leave someday” I thought not so long ago. Scarcity didn’t helped. It feels like the fear to fall in love, to long term relationships.

It takes years to undersand that beautiful quote “home is where the heart is”, but struggling with scarcity and uncertainty, it’s hard to feel safe no matter where your heart is. If your heart feels unsafe, or you worry your tribe will suffer the struggles of being pennyless, it may become a obsession to have your own refuge. Like I did.

It’s fine to say that money doesn’t buy happiness. But hell if it doesn’t give us food, a roof over our heads and some kind of safety. I feel that people who say that means good for sure. But I have the feeling that some of the people who say that (I may be wrong, but I’m not even generalizing) haven’t struggled their whole life with having little or no money at all or fearing not being able to pay electricity, food and such.

And it’s kinda complicated to grow healthy roots in a place where you don’t feel any kind of safety, a place that doesn’t belongs to you and can be taken from you any time. Specially because once you start to feel comfortable, you have to leave one more time.

Sometimes it’s hard to feel at home when you spent your whole life wandering. Nobody wants to be heartbroken and rootless again. Some scars need time and love to heal so roots can grow again.