gyre wrote:My friend has a lot of trampoline springs.He might donate them to a good cause if they would work.

the more you could have it fall apart.. the funnier it would be..
like the seat barely on.. the handle bars come off when the frame drops..

Elliots spring frame sounds like a lot of fun.. just lean it on the rack at center camp.. then laugh it up with spot lights and bull horns.. we could stand around in groups two or three.. that way the lights and bull horns would come from all directions..

The sprocket on the crank has 14 teeth, and the one on the wheel has 50. (That works out to about 7 Gear Inches, for you old-school bike technicians.) The bike is perfectly rideable -- at a snailâ€™s pace. The big sprocket on the crank is a dummy. The shift levers and cables are still on the handlebar, connected to nothing.

The bike is a plain Wally-World model, and the rear drop-outs happen to be horizontal for chain adjustment. Maybe Iâ€™ll hang a derailer there as camouflage anyway -- as on the front. It would also help to match the colors of the rear cogs, and I'm thinking about a big chain guard to go with the dummy front sprocket.

No derailers were harmed in the creation of this device. Both existing derailers had already been boogered beyond repair by persons unknown. The bike can easily be returned to normal service.

MWAAHAHAH!! Loving this thread! Elliot you have a devious side to you. Dang you could pedal up Everest with the gearing on that creation.

OK, howabout a bike with the headset/handlebars welded to straight-ahead? Any attempt to ride would swiftly end up with bike and rider on its side...there would be no way to balance the thing while pedaling.

I could add a self-applying brake to the Slow Bike. Then he wouldn't get far even if he had lots of time.

As for locking the steering, I'm afraid it would be instantly noticable; even before mounting. But it might be worth a try. Wouldn't even need to weld it -- just overtighten the bearings.

But let me tell you about a bike that was built by -- if I remember correctly -- the CycleCide guys in San Francisco: They welded a second steering-head tube in front of the original one. The fork is in one tube and the handlebar is in the other. The two are connected by gears, which reverses the rotation. That thing is a real bastard to ride!

Oooh... I just had a thought: The Bait Bikes could be locked with very flimsy chains -- the kind that is meant for decorative use and can be pulled apart by hand. That would make the bike an Easy Target, and still demonstrate Evil Intent.

It is not finished, but it will definitely work. Three inches of frame were removed. It feels like even less might work better.

The fit of the spring inside the frame tubing is better than it looks, because the tubing is oval -- actually, teardrop shaped. The top tube is a tight fit, so all it needs are stops to keep it from sliding further together. The down tube is a sloppy fit, but the scrap from the top tube fits perfectly inside it! The down tube tries to pull apart, but can be restrained with steel cable or some such. Wrap with fake fur, and the Rubber Bike will be ready.

penguin wrote:Or maybe rather that just cutting it so it collapses you could cut short pieces out of strategic places in the frame and replace the missing section with a length of spring. You make the spring strong enough so it'd do fine if you walked the bike, but as soon as someone jumped on it would bend every which way in a number of places.

The Spring Frame Bike does indeed seem to behave exactly as Penguin suggested. A light-weight neighbor of mine tried it -- he's maybe 150 pounds -- and he did not notice anything wrong until he applied force to a pedal. Perfect for our purpose, it would seem.

Don't know. She slapped me and stormed out of the bar, so I'll probably never find out.

Might be able to ride it!

But that reminds me.... I have an old 110 Volt powered original Excercycle. You sit on it, throw the switch, and hang on for dear life. When you reach for the off switch down where the front wheel would be, the handlebar meets you half way there and knocks all your teeth out. This stoopid thing has an adjustment for rider weight! Lemme find a pitchure....

Edit:

I snagged this photo off the interweb, but mine is just like it. Thoughts?

Yes! The machine is absolutely preposterous. I suppose the thinking was that the rider would get a workout by keeping up with the motorized movements, but I tried it ONCE and decided not to ever try again. And you've seen some of the things I happily ride.

I got it for 20 bucks and figured I could use some of the parts. Then I realized it may be valuable. The one in the photo had a price tag of $250,-.

Next... I think reversed pedals that unscrew themselves, but I need to do some Gainful Employment first.

Elliot, the spring frame is exactly what I was imagining, looks great!

The only thing I've thought of recently is that since (from what I've seen) most people mount from the left side is to leave the left pedal side normal but on the right side either a) make the crank just spin free; or b) weld it in a fixed position.

You may find some uses for the specialty locks.
There is at least one that acts as a pin that can be inserted into any housing.
Most locks will attach to a straight rod shaped correctly too.
This lock is designed for brake rotors, but has many other uses.
I have a trailer door lock that uses it through a steel bar to hold it in place.
It spins on the shackle too.

I'm suggesting these unusual locks might be useful for locking kickstands and whatever other madness you might come up with.
A locked two point kickstand might be more effective than locking a wheel, as so difficult to carry without snagging.

How cool would a "World's slowest bike race" race be? 25 yards, timed, seconds added for putting a foot down, and, of course, held midday in the heat. (okay okay, I admit, I just want to ride that bike.)

And I see no reason why a bike could not be equipped with the Slow Ratio while keeping a couple of normal ratios functional. Would probably not be possible to shift the full range with derailers; at least not on the front, but that can be done by hand.