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Thursday, July 7, 2011

If Genealogists Ran Hollywood

What if family history influenced the movie industry? What kind of flicks would we see? Here’s a glimpse of what might be coming to a theater near you if genealogists ran Hollywood:

Coroner's Injunction: The Musical

Sherman County Morgue is a cold place by day, but at night its files come alive in this film based on the Broadway smash. You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. You’ll never look at toxicology the same again. Features the hit songs “Does This Enlarged Spleen Make Me Look Fat?” and “All Five of My Wives Died of Natural Causes.”

Collapsed Pedigree: The Miley Cyrus Story

This indie documentary takes a hard look at the Cyrus family to learn who in their right mind would let a teenager, smoke, drink, get ugly tattoos and put out that gawdawful music. Finally, genealogists are going to get the answers to what society can’t explain.

The Best Little Courthouse in Texas

A crooked sheriff elects his newest bride as county clerk, lowering access to records and raising tempers in Pecan Knob, Texas. Dolly Parton stars as a spitfire small-town citizen who won't take NO for an answer when she wants her grandparents’ marriage certificate. You’ll be saying YES to this All-American comedy about truth, justice, and bound county record books.

My Big Fat Greek Ahnentafel

The Anastasidopolousinidesitis storied ancestral history has more layers than Auntie Ophelia’s falafel recipe. Mateo stumbles on his grandmother’s real birthdate--as well as her previously undiscovered brief first marriage--and shakes his family tree to the core. Will he suffer the wrath of the angry Greek matriarch? Hold on to your pedigree charts in this heartfelt drama.

Arbor Day

Think Halloween is the scariest day of the year? Think again. College co-ed Perry Pedigree thinks she has it all with a fabulous family tree. That all changes on Arbor Day when she discovers her great-great grandfather is one of 20 John Smiths living in the same town at the same time. Watch in horror as she stumbles through Smith wills, land records and censuses in her own personal John Smith hell in ARBOR DAY!

Now in 3-D!

7 Sources for 7 Marriage Records of 7 Brides for 7 Brothers

Seven brothers get married in 1860 and leave a gold mine of records. 150 years later, their descendants go to battle over the proper way to cite their documents. This contemporary dramedy chronicles the inane citation arguments and figurative beating of dead horses among a cast of characters who have forgotten the true purpose of family history. Since this issue is a constant source of debate, look for a sequel every year, a Lifetime movie and dual reality series on competing networks.

Genealogy Conference: The MovieFrom the people who watched Animal House comes Genealogy Conference. The family historians are in town for a tame and serene annual meeting. However when the sun goes down, the party heats up in the summer's wildest ancestry-based blockbuster film. You'll laugh, you'll cry (tears of laughter) and you'll laugh again, but you won't believe your eyes. What happens at Genealogy Conference stays at Genealogy Conference.

Cut. Print. And that’s a wrap, folks.

[Looking for some extra copy for your genealogy society newsletter? This piece is available for republication. Contact me for details. --Amy]..

OMG - hysterical. So glad that Friday is my work from home day so my co-workers don't have (yet another) reason to question my sanity. Now we just have to propose casting for some of these obvious smash-hits-in-waiting!