Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Muslim Gone Bad Attacks Canada's Capital

Since representatives of the bad apple wing of Islamic faith (those who think others shouldn't be allowed to choose their own spirituality or speak their own convictions without threat of death) have attacked Canada's capital today, I am here reposting one of our most popular and profound articles. Just as the world had to deal with Hitler's diabolical twist on Christianity, Islam has a cancerous growth within it that cannot be ignored. The best response would be for global Muslims to repudiate and annihilate these deadly spreading diseased cells. If they can't or won't, others will have to step up. I encourage my Muslim friends to be the most devout about ridding the world of demented versions of Islam. It's better when you do as much as possible to clean up your own house. However, one way or another, these losers who refuse to respect the rights of others are gonna have to be taken out. Here's a repost of "Lyn Fuchs Named Terrorist Suspect."We regret to inform our readers that author Lyn Fuchs should now be viewed as a potential terrorist threat. Sources reveal he once attended a camp held at a remote location by religious fundamentalists, where training was given in making incendiary devices from ordinary sticks and stones. Former recruits to these camps report being sent on "scouting missions" and being indoctrinated to always "be prepared." Female "scouts" were often separated from male "scouts" and pressured by peers to wear scarves, though there is some disagreement on whether the holy "Scouting Handbook" actually requires this.

Lyn may have been radicalized at an even earlier age. School playmates recall him standing in the sandbox issuing a homicidal threat with intolerant racist overtones against an American cultural icon: "Someday, I'd like to whack that effeminate purple dinosaur!" A timeline reconstructed by P.A.N.I.C. (People Against Nonconformists, Islamists and Communists) shows Lyn involved in unAmerican activities, like eating corndogs with Chinese Duck Sauce rather than Heinz Mustard or Ketchup, by the time he graduated from university.

Federal officials who do not wish to be named, because they already have names, characterize Lyn as a loner and misfit unable to meld with societal norms no matter how hard he tries. As evidence, they point to remarks he made on a comment card after some court-mandated sensitivity training: "This has been a completely positive experience for me. The coffee was perfectly roasted with just a hint of chicory and the facilitator had the most gorgeous rack I've ever seen, which I totally respect both for its supple firmness and its absolute irrelevance in a professional workplace environment."

Terrorism consultants with lucrative government contracts suggest such comments represent a conflicted and tormented mind. As one stated in a 3000-page report with impressive full-color charts costing millions of government dollars, "Sometimes a hooter reference is just a hooter reference, but other times it isn't!" In Appendix DD of the same report (which media types only read because they thought DD was a hooter reference), Lyn's family tree is laid out in detail.

Lyn's mother Ruth Franklin (now deceased and unresponsive to repeated journalistic inquiries) is descended from a man named Benjamin, whose name derives from Bin Amin, according to some linguists. This family patriarch made repeated overseas trips to known hotbeds of anti-American sentiment such as France. He also based his Poor Richard's Almanack partly on lunar cycles like the Muslim calendar and promoted an "early to bed, early to rise" lifestyle common to religious fundamentalists and brainwashing cultists. Experts say many terrorist money transactions use currency bills with "Bin Amin Franklin's" portrait all over them.

The publisher of Lyn's new book, Fresh Wind & Strange Fire, claims itcontains no explicit references to jihad. However, counter-terrorism gurus, specialists and life-coaches are divided on whether this proves there is a jihadist subtext. CNN's Anderson Cooper, whose grotesque level of whiteness renders him far above terrorist suspicion, has come to Lyn's defense, arguing that nobody would bother to put a jihadist subtext in a book with a title so clearly referring to nuclear bombs and incendiary explosives.

Lyn's attorney makes a different argument. At a press conference, he demanded that satanic messages heard since the 1970s on Led Zepplin albums when played backwards must be dealt with before addressing any jihadist threats that may or may not exist between the lines of his client's "proprietary artistic production." The lawyer insisted on this "in the interests of justice, fairness, consistency and stalling for time."

Last week, an FBI spokesman said: "Suspect Lyn Fuchs has often boasted to undercover female agents about having a large explosive device in his pants, plus we have sworn statements from numerous women who report meeting with him at various locations to accept delivery of what they consistently refer to as a weapon of mass satisfaction."

President Obama, Former President Bush, Pope Francisco and the ghost of Reverend Billy Graham came together yesterday to issue a joint declaration. We quote: "It is the duty of every American and every person whose moral superiority could result next time around in being reincarnated as an American to buy a copy of Lyn's new book and ascertain for themselves whether he is guilty or extremely guilty. Vice President Joe Biden added, "Like da good folks sez back home, when you ascertain, yo ass is certain to knows da truf and da truf will set ya'll free from da terrorists, da plantation owners and doz nasty-ass conservatives!"

Lyn Fuchs himself issued this release: "We mock media coverage of terrorism because it's ridiculous; we mourn victims of terrorism because they matter; we mostly ignore practitioners of terrorism because they are not amusing, inspiring or intimidating, merely deranged homicidal losers. You jihadists bore me, you hurt children and you give God a bad name. You make it hard for god-fearing Muslims to share their faith and for god-fearing non-Muslims to respectfully consider Islam. You are the enemy of Islam. You are the mother of all idiots. You are worse than the Hollywood degenerates who produce worthless degrading trash that shames America in the eyes of ethical people around the globe. Motorcycles and bacon are much more dangerous than you'll ever be and those things don't scare me at all. Knock it off. Get a life and/or go screw yourselves!"

"Fresh Wind & Strange Fire is smart, divertido, and so cleansing that I think I can defer a trip to Catemaco for a limpieza!" Tony Cohan, Author of On Mexican Time and Mexican Days

"Funny, literary, and hard-hitting. Professor Fuchs combines the humor of Twain, the alpha adventure of Hemingway, and the romantic sensitivity of Steinbeck. Just wish I was the one publishing it." John Kemmerly, Editor of Bluefoot Publishing

"I'm about half way through Fresh Wind & Strange Fire. A great read so far! Especially like the witty play on words. Good stuff!" Roz Savage, National Geographic Adventurer of the Year and first woman to solo row the Atlantic, Pacific and Indian Oceans.

"No one since Hunter S. Thompson has loved the wild and woolly world with as much intensity, insight, passion and gusto as Lyn Fuchs in his new collection of travel writing Sacred Ground & Holy Water. From Africa, Central America, India, the Pacific Northwest, and back again, Lyn´s rambunctious dispatches from the far corners of our strange globe arrive with the full force of whitewater plunging from mountains, lava burning the very soles from our hiking boots. So delicious are the bountiful meals he eats, so beautiful the foreign lasses he dallies with, nothing is left for the reader but a searing jealousy, an aching desire to be out there ourselves. Thompson, rest his soul, would be proud." Tony D´Souza, Author of Whiteman, The Konkans, and Mule

"An extraordinary travelogue. Lyn Fuchs seems to be up for anything and is an exhausting companion. I feel as if I have been bumped round the world in a week, waking only for the occasional surreal encounter, before bouncing on in a cloud of wacky ideas." John Gimlette, Author of At the Tomb of the Inflatable Pig: Travels in Paraguay, Theatre of Fish: Travels in Newfoundland and Labrador, and Panther Soup: A European Journey in War and Peace

"Alternating between profundity and lunacy, Lyn Fuchs delivers a highly readable romp in his own search for the meaning of the universe." Sean O'Reilly, President and Founder of Auriga Distribution Group, Redbrazil.com, Riverinthesky, & Travelers' Tales

"I found Sacred Ground & Holy Water quite a tonic - a mixture of enjoyment and irreverence. Many teachers say that enlightenment doesn't come to those who deliberately set out to find it. If you are open, it finds you. One of the main feelings I got from this book is that Lyn Fuchs is an open traveler." Ben Box, Author of Footprint Travel Guides

"Five Stars! Fuchs is a deft raconteur, and he shows he can paint a compelling romantic description: 'While the northern turning leaves mark the passing of years and urge productivity, the southern rolling waves hint of changeless eons and instill contentment.' Give credit to Fuchs for getting his point across. As he writes, 'Like it or not, all cultures are forever changing and forever changed.' Globalization is impacting Mayan culture in Guatemala, for example. Traditional local celebrations are turning tacky and curious. Yet, Fuchs offers valuable insights into people and how culture is changing for good and bad. Lovers of travel should heed his advice to visit once-classic cultures before they disappear forever." Gary Klinga, Reviewer at ForeWord Reviews

"Instead of your typical guidebook tour, Lyn Fuchs looks up (always the best view). He says what he's thinking in his mind and reflects not just on what he's seeing but the big picture: how religion is presented, how people act/react, what people are wearing. It's fascinating - sort of a social anthropologist, but only the interesting stuff. I loved this book." Andy Hayes, Editor of Sharing Travel Experiences

"I loved how raw and honest this book is. I picked this up to read for awhile on a Saturday night before tossing a movie in the DVD player. Needless to say, I never made the movie. I read this whole book, start to finish, right then." Mystee Blackwood, Reviewer at GoodReads Reviews

"A uniquely witty and perceptive take on Mexico - Fresh Wind & Strange Fire again shows Lyn Fuchs to be not just a mere travel writer, but also a practical philosopher a la Montaigne, with a dash of Henry Miller's American humor and sexuality." Rick Skwiot, Author of Sleeping With Poncho Villa, Death In Mexico, and San Miguel De Allende, Mexico: Memoir of a Sensual Quest For Spiritual Healing

"This book is a gem and I highly recommend it. The writing is top-notch with just enough snark to make his anecdotes fun. I had a hard time putting this book away." Barry Huddleston, Reviewer at Gnostalgia Book Reviews

"Lyn Fuchs succeeds in his mission to get men attracted to reading spiritual literature. That too admirably! Spicy writing with a strong male perspective with more than an ample dash of wit and humour make Sacred Ground & Holy Water a very enjoyable read." Shweta Ganesh Kumar, CNN Correspondent and Travel Journalist

"Fresh Wind & Strange Fire is just as the title suggests: fresh, original and passionate. Fuchs grips the reader, from beginning to end, with his historical detail, humor and socio-political anecdotes. This is a must read for anyone who lives in or aspires to travel extensively thoughout Mexico." Deanna Proach, News Blaze

"The writing in Fresh Wind & Strange Fire is almost poetic and the history, philosophy and comedy reek of the human spirit in Mexico. I feel privileged to have read this work as it fulfilled everything I want out of a book. Comedy, suspense and self-reflection. This work demonstrates all of these, and the exemplary writing grasps the 'show, don't tell' philosophy that many writers fail to practice." Jairus Reddy, Publisher at Hobbes End Publishing

"Fresh Wind & Strange Fire is earthy, raw and vibrant. It has the B. Traven authenticity with a Hunter S. Thompson fire. The stories are graphic and well-written. They show you a side of Mexican society that most foreigners and many Mexicans will never know - sometimes seamy, sometimes just alive and real. The author spins his tales with well-written prose and vivid description. Individual cities and towns are highlighted, but more as a backdrop for the human stories. I know nearly all the places the author mentions (except for the dark sides, which I do not know) and he does a good job summing up the atmosphere of the towns. This book is not for those with sensitive imaginations. Some may even find it disturbing. But if you can read graphic modern detective novels and watch modern crime shows, you should enjoy it." Mexico Mike Nelson, Author of Live Better South of the Border

"Sacred Ground & Holy Water is a collection of travel stories, significant events and memorable experiences during the extensive travels of the author, Lyn Fuchs. It seems there has never been a dull moment in Fuchs' travels: from encounters with bears in Yosemite, enduring bone rattling bus journeys in Central America, paddling with orcas, taking part in the Day of the Dead in Mexico, experiencing Samurai in Japan, or simply reflecting on a cockroach that shares his morning shower or a beetle he discovers in his navel. Sacred Ground & Holy Water mixes humor and irony into experiences that can only come from spending a significant part of one's life traveling the world. There are over a dozen "Tales of Enlightenment," all told in memorable humorous prose. This is not classic travel nonfiction where you get lost in detailed descriptions of people or place. It reads more like a narrative equivalent of channel surfing - simply skipping to the most memorable parts of someone's personal memoirs." Matt Scott, Reviewer at Matador Travel Network

"Gonzo tourist Fuchs's account of way-off-the-beaten-path Mexico makes Anthony Bourdain appear reserved. His approach style is primitive and organic, with no first-world intercession or assistance. Only three pages in and he's solicited a fake passport, trial-and-errored peyote dosage, and had a tooth extracted with wincing crudeness by a "dentist." While he's more author Hunter S. Thompson than travel guide Rick Steves, and certainly sensational in his gleefully gritty pursuit of the real Mexico, he's not exploitive, cloying, or insincere and more often than not he reveals with acuity and bite a talent for finding the conceit (with prickling quotability). Though not your standard travel guide - no maps, agenda, index, or even photos are in this book - it is nonetheless vivid, and illuminatingly dense with lost histories of an unconsidered culture. Fuchs rambles (sometimes escaping) from Mayan and Mixtec barrios and villages to cities and towns, and opens up to everything from mafiosos and mystics to moles and iguanas. Fuchs offers unpredictable reading, recommended to those who like travel to challenge their perspective." Benjamin Malczewski, Library Journal