Wednesday, November 28, 2012

I came home yesterday afternoon from the hospital. I love my room. I love how calm it is. I love how clean but good clean it is. I love how nurses don't come it every 30 seconds. I swear, I saw half a million people before 10:30.
I'm at home, watching TV and reading People magazine. It has been a good day for the most part.
The things I really don't like about having cancer is all the damn fluids I have to take and all the pills. Meds make me crazy because I feel like I'm always getting them and fluids just make me feel yucky inside.
I hurt. A lot. Especially my belly and my back. It sucks. But I need to put on a smile and power through this because its only gonna last about 5-6 months. It seems like a while but it is only 5-6 months.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

I am 14. I have lived a long time because a lot can happen in 14 years, 9 months and 4 days. My life has have it's ups and downs but nothing like this because this is a different up and a way bigger down.
People, I have cancer. It is a challenge that I am taking day by day. I can't think about whats gonna happen tomorrow because then I forget about today and living today as best as I can. Don't worry, my cancer isn't serious. They aren't even quite sure of what type of cancer I have.
I will live today. I will reflect on yesterday and ask only questions about tomorrow.
This all happen so fast. I'll tell you my cancer story so far.
So it was Monday, 11-12 and I had no school. But I did have a doctor's appointment. My belly is normally small, flat and average looking. But the last couple of weeks, my stomach has become distended and became bigger, which puzzled them but they let it go. When I went to the doctor on Monday, they said that there was definitely something in there that needs to be checked out. So on Tuesday, I went in to get a CT scan and that's where they found something weird. They decided to admit me in to the Children's Hospital. And then Wednesday, November 14th, they told me that I have cancer. Even a week later, I still shudder ever so slightly because I am 14.
I have had so many tests and surgeries and biopsies. They took out almost three liters of fluids out of my stomach. In a way, I feel like I am a new person because I have had to push through chemo and just be grateful for every little thing that it is my life. I have amazing doctors who are amazing in their way. My primary doctor stayed up late because he wanted to figure out what type of cancer I had.
I am so blessed. I have a wonderful network of people who believe in me and will do anything to make sure that I'm comfortable. I love when people text me, send me flowers and call me. Send me food, write a message on Facebook and pray for me. I love it all because I know that through all this, I can get better. I have faith and please have faith with me.
So I started chemo on Wednesday, 11-21. It was one of the worst experiences that I have ever had because it made me feel like I couldn't do anything. On the first chemo day, they gave me a drug - I forgot the name - but I had an allergic reaction to it and it was the scariest thing. I couldn't breathe and it felt like there was all this pressure on my heart and it was standing still. I could not breathe or move. They did a Rapid Response and I was terrified. I could barely breathe and these nurses are flying around me while doctors are just standing, observing. They get an oxygen mask on and I feel immediately feel better because I have a steady source of oxygen, I remember just sitting there, thinking: "I could have died. Or lived. But I choose to live. I am living. I am going to win this disease." I sat there as doctors did their things but I reflected because I am so lucky to be alive. You have so many choices and you can make as many choices as you want because hell, that's life.
So, here I am. On my third day of chemo and I am going strong. I love my doctors and they are doing everything in their power to help me and help me survive. So, so far this is my cancer story. Stay positive. Have hope. Believe in yourself and your doctors. I'm afraid to cry because this is all overwhelming. But have learned little things each day and I'm doing fine. I love visitors and talking to people about mindless things makes me feel better about myself. I don't really know why but like just sitting and watching Gilmore Girls. It is soothing and just what I need to calm down and be in my own little world.
Thank you to all my friends who have been understanding through my cancer life. I'll be doing chemo for quite some time, please don't hesitate to call or speak with me because I love visitors a lot.

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About Me

I love fall, flowers, farmers markets and colors. Traveling is, and will be, a HUGE part of my life. I love taking walks in the woods and I dream under the stars. The world is full of interesting people and ideas, so feel free to leave a comment.