RachelWatch: Obama condemns the kill-the-gays bill

Today: Rachel talks to Bishop Gene Robinson and not-Bishop Gene Robinson and looks at the Party of Dough.

Goodness gracious, another amazing Thursday show. Rachel and the TRMS staff served up a heady blend of trenchant points and general merriment. Not to mention tempting the forces of pastoral darkness.

Political Offense

Rachel started off with Barack Obama’s charge-‘em-up speech at Thursday’s DNC dinner. After the Democrats’ recent collective behavior, that must have felt like trying to get a rabbit warren stoked up for a football game. I wonder if burly Secret Service guys were posted at the doors to catch the ones who bolted, lift them by the scruffs of their necks and put them gently back into their seats.

Rachel welcomed the always terrific Gene Robinson of The Washington Post to talk about taking back control of the debate and What’s Next.

Rachel and Gene noted that another Gene Robinson was on that night, which I think means the show may have undergone Robinson mitosis.

During the commercial break, Rachel informed us that the amazing Demon Sheep commercial was voiced by villain extraordinaire Robert Davi. And then she segued into one of the best segment teases in the history of the show. Concerned viewers immediately wondered if such bold sheep-taunting might have consequences.

Rachel treated us to a clip of the swearing-in of new Senator Scott Brown (R – Massachusetts), who chose to attend the ceremony clothed.

As Rachel pointed out, Brown quickly gave the impression that he doesn’t quite understand how either mass unemployment or the stimulus bill works. Under Brown’s apparent rules, the stimulus bill would have had to get us up to 0% unemployment immediately.

It also seems like for a stimulus-created job to count for Brown, Obama would have to personally walk up to each individual unemployed person and say, “Here is a specific job title! I stimulate you!” Which, let’s face it, would turn Rush Limbaugh into a gibbering wreck.

Brown intends to jump right in, roll up his sleeves, and help Senate Republicans filibuster the jobs bill and LISTEN UP, Senate Democrats! Remember that big speech that had you all fired up mere paragraphs ago? NOW! Move forward and be aggressive NOW!

No, forward, I said!

Grab this opportunity, get in front of a TV camera, and start saying “Republicans are blocking the jobs bill” and “Republicans are filibustering the jobs bill” and “It’s disgraceful that Republicans don’t want good jobs for good Americans” and “All I care about is God, football, and real jobs for Real Americans,” and “Why doesn’t Chuck Grassley want Grandma to have a job?” and “I notice that John Boehner’s banker has a job” and whatever other dumb-ass bumper sticker slogans you can think of.

And keep saying those things in combination until “Republicans” “Blocking” and “jobs” all stick together in the public mind.

Yes, Democrats, it will seem stupidly oversimplified and you will have many conflicting feelings. Shut up about them. You can write them down in your journals later.

If you win this fight, you’ll do a good thing. And you’ll buy yourself the chance to do more complex good things later. You’ll have plenty of time to be the thinky, cautious liberal nerdballs that a modest majority of the country has grown to love. But not now.

For now, get the hell back out there and keep throwing sound bites until you win this.

I’m serious, Democrats. If you cannot do this simple thing, you might as well just say to hell with everything and hire Carly Fiorina’s media team. You won’t be able to look any worse.

Uganda Be Kidding Me

President Obama, who I guess felt like speaking in the afternoons and evenings wasn’t enough, spoke at the National Prayer Breakfast on Thursday morning. Somebody make him take a nap over the weekend, OK?

A lot of people had mixed feelings — at best — about Obama attending the event at all since it’s a yearly networking event for The Family, the far-right religious group that seems to have adopted the tenet that if you’re going to have a sex scandal it must involve international travel, shady financial dealings, and at least one random element like a pack of Twizzlers or a diving bell.

The Family has disturbing ties to the vile Ugandan bill that would criminalize homosexual acts and require citizens to report gays and lesbians.

The President and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton took the opportunity to publicly condemn the bill. Clinton’s words bordered on the poetic, while Obama went with simple open distaste, calling the law “odious.”

Rachel welcomed The Right Reverend Gene Robinson for a palate-cleansing reminder that religion can be nice instead of creepy. This Gene Robinson is a Bishop of the Episcopal Church, gay, out, and absolutely wonderful.

(The other Gene Robinson is also wonderful, but he’s not any of the first three things. I don’t think he is, anyway. I don’t know his life.)

Ms. Information

Rachel gave us the sad news that Butterstick the panda had to go back to China on a specially equipped FeEx plane.

I hope China will be home between 8 a.m. and 4 p.m.

Wooly Bully

Oh, dear. I knew all that sheep-mockery would have consequences. I hope this terrifying incident won’t be a bellwether for tonight’s show.

Ad Vent

Rachel reported that it turns out pro-life ads are not advocacy and thus one will be airing during the Super Bowl starring football player Tim Tebow.

Rachel dissected one of the commercial’s key messages and then showed Planned Parenthood’s response. Thank you, Sean James and Al Joyner, for participating in such a beautiful ad.

Rachel will be doing the show from New Orleans tonight. I’m not sure how the recent hijinks could get any higher, but we can all look forward to finding out.