Barber #1: Yo, last night I had a steak. Barber #2: Don’t tell me you had steak last night. Tell me you fucked some bitches last night. Tell me you got your ass licked last night. Tell me you farted in a chick’s mouth and her cheeks blew up last night.
–Barbershop, Queens
Overheard by: Nathaniel

Haircutter: So she wanted me to put wax in her hair. And I told her I didn’t have any, that it’s $19 a bottle and if I get some for everyone I’ll go through it in no time. So she says that I should buy it for my customers. If she likes it so much, she should go buy it herself. I mean, it’s one thing if the cunt were a good tipper.
–Astor Place [Translated from the Russian]

Old man: So where are you from? Barber: Russia. Old man: Oh yes, they have a lot of money there in Russia. Barber: No, very poor. Old man: Where in Russia are you from? Barber: Uzbekistan. Old man: Oh! So you're from the boondocks? Your country would be like the boondocks to Russia. Barber: I lived in a city. Old man: A city? You mean you didn't grow up on a farm? Barber: No. Old man: You didn't have livestock? Barber: Yes. We had pigs and chickens. Old man: Pigs are great. But pig urine smells awful. And chickens are stupid. They will lie back with their mouths open and drown in a rainstorm. Barber: Yes, chickens are stupid. I named them after my sisters.
–E 9th & Ave A

Waiting patron to man in stylist chair: You look like the guy in that old gangster movie. It's not Scarface, though. Hair stylist: The one with John Travolta, right? Patron: No, no, it's an old one, with George Raft. Man in chair: I don't know which one you mean… Patron: No, it's an old one. Black and white, from the '30s. Hair stylist: Face/Off, it's with John Travolta and Nicolas Cage.
–125th St & Broadway
Overheard by: EthanK

Professor: So, the probability you’re dealing with a straight is determined by what comes out the back end here.
–Statistics lecture, Columbia University
Overheard by: Chuckles
Blonde hairstylist to male customer: Men are easy. I could do 15 men a day.
–Upscale hair salon
NYU professor about expertise involved in determining chicken gender: When was the last time you turned over a chick?
–NYU
Biology professor: Homo erectus? Homosapiens? I don’t know… So many homos.
–Wagner College
Overheard by: Catherine
Prim older lady: You guys could eat out. Also, you could go out for dinner… Yes, I’m twelve.
–Relish, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Ursula and Winifred

Hairdresser: So, I’m dating this carpenter… Client: Oooh, is he cute? Hairdresser: It isn’t so much that he’s ‘cute’ as ‘willing to redo my basement if I go out with him.’
–Amsterdam & W 85th
Overheard by: umpazumparoo