Pardon me bruv!..Yeh!..I know you just back to Naij and all dat biznes…yeh?….but could you reduce your Speed, biko…Yeh?…ya going too Fast jooor ooh!…INNIT..Utunu!!…CHEEEI!

Those would have been my last words a couple of days ago when I followed one of my “Jand” boys wey just “come back” in his ride on Bourdillon Road, Ikoyi. We were heading for a lil xmas barbecue at Osbourne Estate and decided to drive through Bourdillon …na im my guy come believe say him don turn Sebastian Vettel. We were flying at 180kmph plus, literally at break—neck speed.

Now, anybody that knows that road very well knows that it has a small “Devils Bend” and many a car has been known to either destroy the beautiful grey fence of that unfortunate house located at the bend or run into the NEPA pole nearby. Matter of fact, last month there was a silver coloured Peugeot 406 that smashed into that Nepa Pole, and there is at least an accident at that bend every 3-4 months.

All you Diaspogerians (a word I coined up to mean Nigerians from the diaspora…Diaspo—Gerians..get it? …I dey try small nauu?!!) UNA NO DEY HEAR WORD…Naija is not Jand or Yankee, take that from us that live here year in, year out! No be as Tins be yesterday na so dem go be today, you just have to learn to manage, adapt and Shine Your Eye.

#TakeNote #NoVex

Brov…Please I know you were in Gidi about a couple months ago, but potholes in Lagos are no Respecter of Persons. A Victoria Island pothole that you knew 3 months ago could presently be the equivalent of the Grand Canyon. Till your genuinely sure of the road situation,don’t just race through a road unnecessarily thereby risking your life with the mini Grand Caynons and the other known or unknown obstacles on Lagos roads .

I decided to sound this humble warning in my own small way because This Christmas/Festive Season, I have seen sooooo many ridiculous accidents on Lagos roads especially in Ikeja, Ikorodu Road, Ikoyi (Bourdillon in Particular) and then at every major road juction on Ozumba Mbadiwe all the way down to the Lekki-Epe Express way…..
Only God knows what will be happening in Abuja where the Streets are all tarred? *goose bumps and cold shivers*

MY BISHOP OLUWOLE STORY

I was on Bishop Oluwole Str in V/I and I saw a nice Sedan drive past me at top speed; a chubby light skinned boy had half his body out of the Sunroof (kinda like he was Wind-surfing!), he was holding a bottle of Hennessy in his hand and was yelling at the top of his voice…

Now unknown to him a street light that was hanging treacherously low was seconds away from severing his head from his neck, but (probably…”because his Chi was at home that day”……Chinua Achebe) it only managed to knock the Henny bottle out of his HAND, probably hurting him a little bit in the process. That street light was bent at the middle, so it is evident it had been hit by another car a few nites ago.I BET DUDE WAS SHAKING IN HIS PANTS!!!

THEN…

THERE WAS A RIDICULOUS ACCIDENT ON THE OZUMBA-LAW SCHOOL-ADEYEMO ALAKIJA-JUCTION about 11pm 28th December 2010 involving a Black Camry and a Honda Accord (blue) both drivers were Female, both drivers had Nose rings (not like that means anytin, just casual observation) both drivers were wearing Micro-Mini skirts, lastly both female drivers jumped out blowing Janded phone on 1side and Yankee phone on the 2nd corner and threatening to chop each others heads off………..but both cars were a Write Off.

SPEED REALLY DOES KILL!!!!!
When driving a bit slower you have more time to calculate and avoid disaster on the roads, plus if you do get into an accident the impact is less and not soo life threatening………dis na normal fact wey anybody wey get car sabi, but plenty people still dey guck am.

Very true observation…I guess the Ikoyi/VI/Lekki area is your usual route. You should go check out the less fab areas…they do a great job at discouraging “Diaspogerians” from driving…between the atrocious roads, illegal turns by bus drivers, and getting cursed out by their conductors, I most definitely do not look forward to driving in Naija…sorry, Nigeria.