LITTLEJOHN: The drones are on their way to Wembley...

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about the shanty town which has sprung up on the site of the former Hendon FC ground in North-West London.

Far from being closed down as a health hazard, this blot on the landscape continues to expand. I’m told more immigrants arrive there from Eastern Europe every day.

At this rate it’ll soon rival Glastonbury for the largest number of people camping out. Maybe they should pretend it’s a pop festival and start selling tickets and tie-dyed T-shirts.

We can't provide homes for young people born and bred here, so why should we turn our cities and what's left of the countryside into one giant council estate for the world's waifs and strays?

They’d soon have stoned hippies queueing round the block. Far out, man. Which way to the Release tent?

No one should have to live in this kind of insanitary squalor. But camps like these are going to become increasingly commonplace as Britain opens the doors to 26 million from Romania and Bulgaria next January.

Even if only a few hundred thousand turn up, it will still put an intolerable strain on our already overcrowded cities.

The shanty town which has sprung up on the site of the former Hendon FC ground in North-West London.
The area is littered with rubbish which the Romanians pick through to find things to sell

Admittedly, you have to be pretty desperate to make your home in a cold, leaky cardboard and tarpaulin shack with no electricity or running water.

But so many of the people who have come to Britain in recent years are desperate and have been sold the dream of a better life. They end up working for slave wages and being exploited by gangmasters and unscrupulous landlords.

If they’re lucky, they manage to scramble up the housing ladder and settle down in a garden shed somewhere.

Camps like these are going to become increasingly commonplace as Britain opens the doors to 26 million from Romania and Bulgaria next January

All sorts of outbuildings are being turned into illegal dwellings. In Slough, Berkshire, the council has spent £24,000 hiring a spy plane equipped with thermal-imaging cameras to track down hundreds, possibly thousands, of immigrants who are believed to be sleeping in garages and converted coal bunkers.

In just two hours, homing in on body heat, the drones identified 210 suspicious ‘sheds with beds’. None of these places have planning permission or comply with fire regulations.

Frankly, Slough is fighting a losing battle and has limited options. Ray Haslam, head of environmental services for Slough Borough Council, said: ‘Aerial photography is one of a range of tactics we’re using to crack down on this problem.

This thermogram image shows the sort of data a thermal imaging camera will capture by flying over Slough, Berkshire, in a bid to track down immigrants

‘We will be able to cross-check and see whether they have valid Energy Performance Certificates, which are required by law for places where people live.

‘If they don’t, we will be speaking to landlords and offering some advice and guidance, and enforcing the law if we need to.

‘One option is to repeatedly fine a landlord for not having an EPC. The fine is £200 a day, making it very expensive for people to continue using the outbuilding.’

Is that it? Only in Britain would an invalid or non-existent Energy Performance Certificate be a frontline weapon in the battle against a degrading trade in human misery.

The kind of landlord who will profit from cramming whole families into a converted lock-up — and charge them £100 a week rent for the privilege — is hardly going to be deterred by a fine for a technical breach of the home insulation regulations.

Nor are they likely to be the type of concerned citizen who will respond responsibly to words of advice and guidance from a planning officer.

Never mind heat-seeking spy planes, it’ll take heat-seeking missiles to sort this one out.

Even if the council sends in the bulldozers, the landlords will be back in business in no time and their ‘tenants’ will simply relocate, perhaps to the ever-expanding shanty town in Hendon.

I have every sympathy for Slough, which has been utterly transformed by the mass immigration which followed Labour’s cynical decision to dismantle our borders.

Many of those who arrived in droves from Poland and other neighbouring states are hard-working, pay their taxes and have embraced the British way of life. But I fail to see what people who live in coal bunkers and make a meagre living washing windscreens at traffic lights bring to the party.

What skills do they offer which couldn’t adequately be met by the four million British citizens the Government is currently trying to coax off welfare?

They may have come here dreaming of buying a small suburban semi, with wisteria and a well-tended rose garden.

But they are prepared to live in a shack made from washing machine crates and bin liners. The Romanian beggars and scam artists who have settled in London’s West End are happy to sleep under the stars, with only a dry-cleaning bag as a duvet.

The Government knows there is a serious problem, which is why it has given Slough a £200,000 grant to tackle it.

But ministers still will not confront the elephant in the room. Immigration, for all its benefits, has exploded beyond our capacity to absorb it.

The ‘let them all in’ lobby say the solution is simple: build more houses. But where’s the money coming from? Britain is virtually bankrupt.

We can’t provide homes for young people born and bred here, so why should we turn our cities and what’s left of the countryside into one giant council estate for the world’s waifs and strays? When our EU obligations compel us to admit another goodness-knows-how-many Romanians and Bulgarians in a few months’ time, the crisis is going to get worse.

Instead, the politicians treat the symptoms, not the sickness. Rather than throttle back the numbers and refuse to accept another mass influx, they waste money on heat-seeking drones to swoop on back gardens in Slough looking for signs of human life in sheds.

Madness.

The way things are going it won’t just be Hendon football ground. How long before the nearby Wembley Stadium is turned into a gigantic shanty town?

Now all the Old Bill are watching the detective

Police are being paid overtime to watch the latest series of Big Brother, which features a former Jimmy Savile squad detective as a house-mate.

Scotland Yard officers will monitor the show to make sure that ex Operation Yewtree copper Dan Neal doesn’t reveal anything that could compromise the investigation, which has already cost more than £1 million.

Dan Neal has said he left the police to explore a new side to his life, and is currently a guest in the Big Brother house

There will be two officers in the room at all time, in case one falls asleep, and they’ll also be keeping an eye on the show’s Twitter feed.

Presumably, if Neal utters a syllable out of place, the heavy mob will come crashing through the front door of the Big Brother house at six o’clock in the morning.

Frankly, I don’t know whether to file this under Mind How You Go or You Couldn’t Make It Up.

Meanwhile, Jimmy Savile remains dead.

We are told that the Government has dropped plans to raise the speed limit to 80mph because of fears that it could alienate women voters.

Actor Errol Flynn became famous for his role as Robin Hood in the 1938 adaption of the tale

I can’t understand why, since most of the women motorists in my neck of the woods seem to drive everywhere at 80mph — while yakking away on a mobile phone jammed permanently in their ear.

Sock it to ‘em, Errol

A Northampton menswear shop has revealed that it once hired private detectives to pursue Errol Flynn over unpaid bills.

Flynn, who was famous for swashing his buckle in films such as Captain Blood and The Adventures Of Robin Hood, bought his underpants and socks from the family firm of Montague Jeffery.

He was also reputed to be naturally well-endowed in the trouser department, although there were claims that he was prosthetically enhanced.

Jonathan Williams, whose grandfather Bernard Jeffery served Flynn in the Thirties, said: ‘Everyone knows about Errol’s legendary manhood but my grandfather never mentioned it or having to alter any of his clothing.’

Maybe that’s what the socks were for.

Barack Obama’s favourite R&B singer Jeffrey Osborne has offered to perform a duet with Chancellor George Osborne, who was called ‘Jeffrey’ by the President last week.

Fortunately, George has declined. We don’t need another soul duo in Downing Street. We’ve already got Sam and Dave.

Who’s that bird on the Lady Godiva?

The Bank of England may have to rethink plans to replace a portrait of social reformer Elizabeth Fry on the £5 note with one of Sir Winston Churchill.

Since Fry is one of only two women to have appeared on our banknotes, campaigners say her replacement should also be female.

Given the state of our devalued currency these days, don't be surprised if comes down to a toss up between Holly Willoughby and Pippa Middleton

Women MPs are threatening to take legal action under the Equality Act. The Bank says it still has a ‘contingency’ plan to feature a woman on the fiver, but won’t reveal any names.

Runners and riders are thought to include Jane Austen, Emmeline Pankhurst and the Bronte sisters.

But given the state of our devalued currency these days, don’t be surprised if comes down to a toss up between Holly Willoughby and Pippa Middleton.