Wednesday, May 08, 2013

Playing doctor

It’s common knowledge than women find men in uniforms attractive. Even we gorillas know that. But is it possible they prefer doctors to soldiers, sailors and firemen? That’s what a recent survey suggests, indicating that 61% of women go weak at the knees when they see a man in a white coat.My regular readers will know that it’s my habit to ask the manager of the safari camp for his input on such conundrums. Unfortunately, he was out collecting narcotic toads when I arrived, so I asked his wife instead.“The explanation is obvious, GB,” she said. “Doctors make the most money.”“Now why didn’t I think of that?” I replied. “I had some cockamamie notion of women being turned on by arrogant men who can order them to undress and examine their bodies with impunity. But obviously that’s nonsense. Thanks for putting me straight.”“Hmm, not so fast, GB,” said the manager’s wife. “Your idea is not a bad one if the doctor looks like George Clooney. My doctor looks like George Lucas so I never thought of it. Your intuition about women’s fantasies is very good for a gorilla. Do you know any other ones?”“Madam, you are too kind.” I replied. “Regrettably, I don’t spend very much time thinking up arousing daydreams for women. There’s so little need for it in the jungle. But if such a fancy does occur to me, you’ll be the first to know.”You’ll notice that I refrained from sniggering when she mentioned George Clooney, whose appearances in ER could be part of the reason for the survey results. What’s funny about George is that the affection women have for him appears to be largely unrequited. So great is his liking for the society of men that his big sister had to issue a statement denying he is gay. I personally never doubted George’s preference for carnal relations with women. It’s just their company he finds irksome. Maybe he was severely hen-pecked by his college sweetheart…or his big sister. These things can happen to the machoest of men. I’m not convinced about the importance of the white coat, though. Clooney would clearly be attractive to women in any uniform apart from a clown’s costume. Dr McCoy, on the other hand, never wore one on the Enterprise and was far from being a hit with the babes. I can only remember him getting into one promising situation with a woman, and he gave her the following line:“My dear girl, I’m a doctor. When I peek it’s in the line of duty!”That’s not the sort of remark which makes a girl feel desirable. Wearing a white coat would not have helped with that level of seduction skills. Of course, it’s reassuring for a woman to know she’s with a man who only peeks in a professional capacity. This could not be said of the two scoundrels who fell through the ceiling of a lady’s lavatory in Duluth. Star Trek might have been created to educate such brigands.

HaHa I live this first hand. My hubs is a plastic surgeon, and despite being short, skinny and bald, women fawn all over him because he has MD behind his name. Little do they know that is the least of his many talents!!!!!

I'd say that's an accurate observation. Women love men in uniforms. I know this because I'm the only university teacher who wears Italian suits in my neck of the woods. I myself lean more towards women who've just taken off their uniform. I call them Eve.

I think women would swoon over Clooney even if wore a clown costume. They're so shallow that way. They never seem to fancy a poor man of real substance, like myself, for instance. Bradley Cooper is the new George Clooney, anyway. Even sex symbols get old and are replaced. Inner beauty is eternal.

I am sure Dr. McCoy would have got plenty of chicks on Star Trek if it were not for Shatner's ego. As for those dorks from Duluth... imagine going through all that trouble to watch women poop. Don't they have the internet yet in Duluth, Georgia yet?

P.S. 'a man who only peeks in a professional capacity'... as in a professional peeping Tom? You might be on to something. Man... I mean Ape you're good. Now I wish our trees were more sturdy so you could climb in them.

If it was the white coat, we'd be drooling over the butcher too (which, by the way is banned under the Environmental Health Act). And talking of 'Bones' Star Trek garb isn't exactly a proper uniform is it? It's just that they all wore the same naff jumper.

I don't understand why people find George Clooney so sexy - wearing a doctor's uniform or not. But put a firefighter's uniform on him, and then I'll see what he's got. (Firefighters are hotter than doctors.)

Jimmy: I would guess they were hoping to see the women urinate rather than defecate. That's the more common fetish. There's a rumour that Hitler got off by watching women pee.

Broken Biro: Good point, Ms Biro. It can't be the white coat per se, but only what it symbolises, i.e. a man who's qualified to feel you up. If your uncle's a gorilla I probably know him. If he's a human, the chances are slight.

Al: It counts if you can count the nuts in your nutsack.

Robyn: I'm glad you can past a man's bank account, Robyn! I don't think Clooney has ever put on a firefighter's uniform. Maybe he doesn't have the butt for it.

As for the two peeping Toms, talk about morons. Unless they have some kind of weird fetish, I agree with the comment that reads: "Just what is the point of looking down at a woman sitting on the toilet?'

The manager's wife is sure correct about your unbelievable intuition, but I've told you that in round-a-bout ways before. I have the same idea about Clooney. He likes fucking women, but then wants em to go away. As far as uniforms, I'm partial to firemen, but it's because they're so brave and rugged. Oh and gorilla suits, but that's just my problem. Btw, you can sit in my tea cup anytime. I'll even have one made extra large.