How to maintain a healthy marriage

Some time ago my husband and I were chosen to share on the subject of marriage while on our ministry trip. I doubted our ability to do this, but it turns out we do have quite a bit to say about the matter.

What follows is a small snippet of what was shared a few months back. I trust it will help if you are struggling in your marriage or relationship right now.

First, what is marriage?
Marriage is a union that unites a man and woman legally, economically, emotionally, and if they share the same faith, spiritually. It is a union created by God.

Genesis 2:18 Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to live alone. I will make a suitable companion to help him.”

I understand not all marriages are perfect, so here are some helpful suggestions that may improve the relationship.

Words

When there is an argument, there is no need to insult, slam doors, kick the cat and punch the walls. Most arguments arise because of finances, children, family matters and a variety of other things.

Galatians 5:15 But if you act like wild animals, hurting and harming each other, then watch out, or you will completely destroy one another.

Words hurt, they bite, they insult each other, and the worst of all, once the words are spoken, you cannot take it back. It enters the heart of the person and stays.

Watch the words that come out of your mouth to your family, your children to your spouse, and to yourself. Our words should edify and exhort and build each other up.

Also avoid speaking ill about your spouse to others, especially family members! This will cause them to develop a preconceived idea, and they can treat the person in the same fashion you spoke ill of them. This will avoid the relationship with the family member to suffer.

Don´t speak of past failures or compare your spouse to others. This hurts the persons’ self-esteem and fear of failure can set in, meaning they get to the point of not trying anything because they fear failing. Instead, encourage!

Don’t go to bed angry! Why? You won’t sleep well, your mind will begin festering on how to get even, and the anger, hurt and resentment keeps boiling.

Eph 4:26 If you become angry, do not let your anger lead you into sin, and do not stay angry all day.

Forgive quickly. This is for your benefit, and you release your hurt and you will feel better and can move on.

Suggestions to improve your marriage

First, it´s not all about you. Love and praise your partner. Tell him/her how you liked it when they helped you. Thank him/her for solving a problem for you, and helping you in a certain area.

Touch your spouse, hold hands, say I love you. You will be surprised at the response you receive.

Share what you learned with enthusiasm.

Make important decisions together, value their input, recognize their wisdom and vocalize it.

Take responsibility for your errors. There is nothing better than saying I am sorry. It actually strengthens the marriage and draws you closer.

Finally, pray together. Prayer draws you closer to each other, and especially to God. Don´t be afraid of being vulnerable during this time. Share your fears, your worries, and concerns.

When you pray together and for each other’s needs, you will feel protected and cared for by your spouse, and your love for each other will grow.

What examples do you have to strengthen your marriage? Share them in the comments, I would love to hear from you.

I have found that one of the most often overlooked areas of conflict lie in our lack of understanding of who we are as a child of God.

When we see ourselves the way our Heavenly Dad does, it makes it harder to get offended at our spouse. This is because we often are looking for our spouse to validate us ahead of God without even knowing it.

I have found the more I press into what it means to be 100% “accepted in the Beloved” I am much less defensive and my heart’s desire shifts from me to my spouse even during a disagreement.

First, it´s not all about you. Love and praise your partner. Tell him/her how you liked it when they helped you. Thank him/her for solving a problem for you, and helping you in a certain area.

Touch your spouse, hold hands, say I love you. You will be surprised at the response you receive.

Yvette, this is so true. Michael and I have been married for 37 years and we say I love you every single day. We actually hold hands falling asleep every night! My parents have been married for almost 73 years and I have watched and learned by their remarkable example for the love and respect they have for each other. It is a union created by God, you see it in their faith, their love, their devotion to family and most of all their commitment to God. love you…xoxo