Monday, December 28, 2009

Christmas was joyful and wild at our house. I had so much fun watching the joy on their faces when they opened their gifts.

We are now #6 on the adoption list. Notice that all of the dominoes are upright. The family that was on hold is no longer on hold. That is good news for them I really hope they have their referral very soon.

Abeni received this little Asian inspired outfit from my two Aunts. I loved it so much and today when I was walking trough Macy's I saw the rest of the line was on clearance for half off Michael and I picked up the sweet little dress. I love shopping for my little girl.

So last night Michael brought home "My Sisters Keeper" and I snuggled up on the couch with my favorite quilt to watch while he worked on powerwheels. First let me say that I loved that this movie made me think. I have a sick child. There I said it. I sometimes pretend that he is fine but in reality he is sick. Isaac is not terminally ill he is chronically ill. He will be sick for his entire life he will require care his entire life. I have a healthy child who sacrifices every day for his sick sibling. Every day he gives things up for his brother. He doesn't give up body parts or anything but yes he gives up little bits of himself. I know that Miles doesn't mind you can see the love he has for his brother; he cuddles him kisses him and even helps me talk him into putting on his oxygen at night. Michael and I try hard to be sure that Miles still feels important and valued and I think we will work even harder on that after watching this movie.

At the beginning of the movie the father says "Having a child who is sick is a full time occupation. Sure we still enjoy the usual day to day happinesses of family life...But beneath the exterior there are cracks that threaten the very foundation of our everyday lives... at any moment our whole world could come tumbling down." I loved that line it such an accurate description of my life sometimes. We cling to Isaac so tightly and would do anything to help him. I have therapy appointments for him three days a week we are on a first name basis with WAY to many Dr's. Trust me you never want your Dr. to say "but your child is so unique" or "it is so good to see you I feel like we are family." But at the same time it is nice to have so many people in our corner fighting for what we are fighting for, a good life for Isaac. There was a time when I was sure Isaac was going to die. I remember feeling so helpless when I thought about having to decide to let him go. I remember feeling so angry that he was laying there sick in a hospital bed while everything else just went on like normal.

So am I being the best mom I can be to the Miles and Isaac? Am I strengthening my relationship with Michael? Did you know parents of special needs kids have a 80% divorce rate? I am trying but this movie made me think that I need to try harder. I need to focus on the relationship I have with Miles and I need to focus on the relationship I have with Michael. Do I need to let Isaac go a little more? We are going to add another child to our family and I know I will love her just as I love my boys but is it really fair to bring her into a family with a sick child? Can I give her the family she needs and the attention she needs from me? I think the answer is yes but I will need to be aware of that relationship just like I am aware of the others in my life.

My goals for my children are for them to be themselves. I want them to love their siblings. I don't ever want them to feel like Mile- Isaac's brother. I want him to be Miles the amazing, smart, fun, loving, little boy that he is. I want Abeni to be herself. I want Isaac to be Isaac; not the sick brother. So I will do my best to make that happen for my kids.

I'm sending my thoughts out into the virtual world I think I just needed to think out-loud. So if you are still reading this thanks. If you have any advice please share. If you want to just point out a flaw in my thinking feel free.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

When I was young my mother used to listen to a Christmas song by Barbara Streisend. It was called "The Best Gift."Here are the lyrics.

The best giftThat I ever gotDidn't really weigh a lotIt didn't have a ribbon 'roundAnd it sometimes made the terrible soundThe best of all it seems to meIt wasn't neath the Christmas treeAnd yet, I guess I'd have to sayThat it made all the other presents twice as gayThe best gift that I've ever knownI'd always wanted most to ownYet in my dreams of sugar and spiceI never thought it could be so niceThe best gift that I ever getWas sometimes dry and sometimes wetWas usually pink but oftentimes redAs it lay so innocently in its bedThe best gift of the year to meThe one I hold most dear to meA gift that simply drove me wildWas a tiny new born child...

I love my boys they are my joy and my laughter. I am truly blessed to hold their little hands, dry their little tears and share their little victories. They make Christmas the most wonderful time of the year.

Friday, December 11, 2009

I opened this up to friends on facebook so some of the questions are very basic like

Question: You are adopting? Do tell.

Answer: We are adopting! We are thrilled to be adding a little girl to our family from South Korea!

Question: Why South Korea?

Answer: Michael and I feel that we are able to offer a child from South Korea with a the most connection to her birth country. We have both been to Korea. Michael even served an LDS mission there for two years. Michael speaks Korean, and we have Korean friends who can teach our daughter about Korea.

Question: What is going on with Isaac right now:

Answer: Kicker never ceases to amaze us! He is doing so well. He has speech, physical, and occupational therapy those appointments add up to about three times a week. He is walking and is working on running and jumping. He is also working on building his speech memory. Currently we are working through some concerns about his sleep and his heart. He is iron deficient and we are really working hard on getting his nutrition where it needs to be.

Question: Through all of this.....what have leaned on for your support to get through the tough times?

Answer: Wow this question made me think introspectively. Michael is my primary source of comfort and support. He lifts me up when I am down and seems to always know what I need from him to calm my storms. Outside of him I have an amazing family! I lean on my mom and my dad and my two aunts more then any other people in the world. My mom is able to help me see that I am blessed beyond belief when I feel overwhelmed. My aunt Juli is a comforter and understanding of the struggles more then anyone I have met. My aunt Karen helps those around her in such a quiet gentle manner. I think that often the things she does go unnoticed and unacknowledged.

So that is it for questions and answers thanks everyone for asking. I had fun!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

So as I sit here and wait... (I'm trying to not let it get to me but it really is). I've decided that it is time to do a question and answer post. Is there something you are dying to know about our family? Wondering why we are adopting? Something about the adoption process that you want clarification on? Wondering about Kickers health? Anything is open for discussion. I will moderate comments for this post so no one will know who asked what but me. Also don't worry about offending me I am a pretty easy going person so it takes a lot to offend me. I will leave this post up for a while so ask away.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Question: So if you were the government and you knew a parent would pay ANY amount of money to get their child home, how much would you charge for a two sheet "pre-approval for adoption."

Answer: $830

My response "this is crazy" now lets hurry and get it submitted. Those who know me know I get kinda sick spending large amounts of money ohhhh say anything over $100. But I couldn't get this application and check in the mail fast enough!