Savile accusations will continue from now until the end of time...

A librarian in Harrogate, North Yorkshire, reports that Jimmy Saville borrowed a book, in 1973 - “it was either a book about raping children or a Haynes manual for a Ford Capri” - and never returned it. An innocent bystander says “I heard, on good authority, that Jimmy Savile abducted Madeleine McCann, and kept her in the basement of his second story flat in Leeds”. A local government official, from Accrington, Lancashire, says that Jimmy Saville mis-sold him a payment protection scheme in 1997: “And if it wasn’t him, it was somebody else”. A Systems Analyst from Oldham says “Jimmy made a fingertip search of my daughter’s erogenous zones. Forty years on, you can still see his fingerprints”. A primary school teacher, from Tong, near Bradford, says “I vaguely remember Jimmy serving red wine with fish, and that’s a crime around here”. “Jimmy Savile shat on my doorstep”, recalls a primary school teacher from Staleybridge. “It was someone who liked sweetcorn anyway”. A man living under a bridge says “Jimmy stole my identity. He swapped it for a bag of Cheesy Wotsits, and that’s just humiliating”. We await more revelations...