Archive for July, 2008

It is this instinct which prompted me to apply to appear on Deal Or No Deal, which is the only thing guaranteed to bring life to a standstill here at Griefjunkie Towers. I am a particular fan of the bit where they get the other contestants to offer advice as to what to do vis a vis dealing or not dealing. What I want to do at this point is ask if any of my fellow contestants are versed in statistics and probability, as this will be genuinely useful advice, and will enable me to make a more informed decision. Otherwise, you just get some fat-armed old growler from, I dunno, Knaresborough, saying either a) follow your heart b) stay true to yourself or c) follow your dream, which is just a variation on a) if you ask me. (more…)

We are awaiting the screaming of tiny lungs and the constant emptying of tiny digestive systems here at Griefjunkie Towers, on account of Joe getting his dolly up the duff. (See ‘ogm! teh pregnancy’ blog, July 10th.)

To celebrate, we decided to whip up a range of baby bibs. They’re all organic and fair trade and made by, I dunno, mermaids or whatever. Which is nice.

Anyone who has found themselves wandering up Camden High Street in the bleary hour before the casual pitches are allocated will doubtless have seen what appears to be a pile of hair and dirty clothing piled against the door of the Oxford Arms.

This is none other than Bob, or Old Bob, who is a familiar sight in Camden, if only for a kind of moonwalk he does which requires no particular dance floor prowess but instead the ability to walk so very slowly behind a barrow that you appear to be moving backwards.

Never let it be said that we’re out of touch with modern parenting here at griefjunkie.

Paul never knew his own father – and is still hoping that, in a dramatic plot twist, it might be Darth Vadar – and Joe likes single mothers so much that he’s actually marrying one. It’s the decent thing to do really, as he’s only gone and got her up the duff again – further proof of a link between ladies and pregnancy. Anyway, Abby – which is a strange name for a single mother, as they are usually called Kelly or Jade or Chelsea – had her first scan last Friday, and we can exclusively reveal that it’s going to be a boy and that happily Abby is definitely the mother. All being well, Joe Jnr should be with us pretty much exactly on Christmas Day – although that is where any similarity with a virgin birth must end, as anyone who has tried to get some sleep in the room next door when she is visiting will readily testify.