Now doctors say that guidelines for high cholesterol don't capture a lot of kids who actually do have high cholesterol. Well, kids haven't done much with their lives yet, so high cholesterol is something they can hang their hat on. Why take that away from them?

Qnexa(!), an experimental new weight loss drug, takes a big step towards possible approval when the FDA has an expert panel review it this week. Qnexa works by sewing your mouth shut from the inside with tiny robots, then flying off your fat cells one by one to a distant galaxy. (I'm guessing).

Lots of people take glucosamine for joint pain, but guess what: it doesn't do shit. Try morphine.

A new study says that few people "correctly cover" their coughs and sneezes. Are you disgusted by that, Mr. and Mrs. Snooty health persons? If you're not covering your coughs and sneezes with 2 Live Crew turned way the hell up, you're not covering them correctly.