1. What is an egg donor?

An egg donor is a healthy young woman who is between the ages of twenty and thirty four. This special woman donates a few of her eggs to a recipient who strongly desires to have a child but who is unable to produce eggs from her own ovaries. Following their removal, the eggs are fertilized with the recipient’s male partner’s sperm or with donor sperm. The resulting embryos are then placed into the recipient’s uterus. She then has the amazing opportunity of becoming pregnant, carrying, and delivering a child to finally create the family she has so long hoped for. A donor gives one of the most beautiful gifts possible—the gift of potentially growing a family. Egg donors are so special in fact, that they get front row seats and houses with sea views up in heaven.

2. Why would someone need an egg donor?

The recipient of donor egg(s) is someone who desires to have a child but is unable to produce viable eggs themselves. Various reasons a woman might not be able to produce eggs include premature ovarian failure, infertility due to poor egg quality or age, severe endometriosis, genetic disorders that she does not want to pass on, or elevated follicle stimulating hormone. Being unable to have a child when you really, really want one is heartbreaking. Infertility isn’t something we would wish on our worst enemy!

3. Why should I donate through Nurture?

Because we understand this business of egg donation better than anyone else. Before you come on board, we will have a one-on-one chat with you (unlike other agencies who are too busy/unconcerned and simply communicate via the computer) This gives us the opportunity to explain Egg-zachely how it all works – the good, the bad and the not so ugly! Melany has donated twice herself – although waaaaaaay past her sell by date now, crumbs! We have supported over 3000 fabulous donors in 8 years who have signed up and donated through us. We will answer all your questions honestly, and support you all the way through the process. In a nutshell, we care. We call. We write. We call some more. Melany rarely sleeps (we suspect she may be a vampire in disguise)!!!

4. What is the first step of being an egg donor?

Recipients often look for a donor who matches their physical characteristics, or who they have some other connection with. Once you qualify to be an egg donor through our fabulous agency, your information will be placed on our password protected donor list where recipients can view your profile. We are a completely anonymous egg donor agency so your confidential information will not be shared. The Recipients will not know your identity but will know your physical characteristics and any pertinent details of your medical and family history. We need to know that you are not part Vampire like someone else we know. No names mentioned!

5. What will it be like having my children running around out there?

Think of it this way: Point A: Those eggs you donated? They would have been flushed away with your normal cycle if you hadn’t donated them. Point B: Eggs alone do not a child make! Without the partner’s sperm, and without the future mother’s womb, there ain’t gonna be no child. So fear not, there aren’t going to be any of ‘your’ children running around any where!

6. What makes a parent?

As I sit on the couch at 2am holding my ill son in my arms, I reflect back on a conversation I had with a potential donor egg recipient today, a future mother. She has only just heard that she will need a donor egg in order to conceive, and is still in shock. Part numb, part devastated. Grieving for the loss of a child created from her own DNA.

So many questions, so many concerns. “But will I feel like the child’s mother?” Will that child feel like ‘mine’.

Sitting in the perfect still of the winter night, wiping my child’s feverish brow, it comes to me in a moment of absolute clarity….being a parent is not about the origins of conception. It is not about an egg or where the DNA comes from. Simple biology does not a parent make.

The parent is the person who cradles the baby to his or her chest, gently rocking him to sleep.

The parent is the person who holds the sickly child in his arms, wiping her feverish brow.

The parent is the one who whispers ‘I love you’ into the sleeping ear, who wipes the snotty nose, who fixes the scraped knee and cleans the poopy diapers.

The parent is the one who loves the child regardless, who loves the child unconditionally, even on the days where they behave revoltingly.

The egg donor, surrogate or birth mother (in the case of an adopted child) is a wonderful, beautiful, generous person who helped in the creation of that child, but they are not that child’s mother. That child’s parent is the one the child calls mommy or daddy.

What makes a parent is not about what happened at the moment of conception; it is about what happens every day in the life of the child.

7. How do people choose a donor?

The factors recipients consider are varied and personal. For some people, things like eye colour, hair colour etc are important. Others couldn’t care less. Some are looking for donors who share similar interests. Actually, it is often the little messages and personal bits that help them decide on the ‘right’ donor for them. It is very important that you complete the application as honestly and thoroughly as possible and provide quality baby photographs of yourself. Those gorgeous baby pics of yourself mean a lot and the recipients appreciate all the information you can provide.

8. What if I am on birth control?

You can continue to use the birth control that you are on while you are waiting to be matched with a recipient. Once chosen, when you attend your first medical appointment at the clinic, the Dr will discuss your current birth control method with you and your course of action going forward.

For the ladies who are on the contraceptive pill, please note that during the actual donation process – you will be taken off the pill for a month – during this time you will need to abstain or use extra precaution as you will be verrrrry fertile during this period.

9. Will donating eggs now affect my chances of getting pregnant in the future?

You are born with approximately two million eggs. Each month a group of eggs enter a growth phase that will ultimately result in ovulation. Normally, your body selects only one egg each cycle to ovulate and the remaining eggs from this group do not develop fully and are flushed down the loo. Fertility medications allow your body to rescue many of those eggs that would have been lost (those rescued ones are the ones you donate!) and do not affect any eggs destined to enter growth phase in future cycles. The fertility medication has no proven long term effects and in fact a recent study has determined that egg donation has no effect on your short term future fertility. For more information click here

To put it more scientifically:

Women are born with a finite number of eggs, around 1-2 million. At puberty, that number has dwindled to 300,000 and subsequently approximately 750-1000 eggs are lost each month by a process called atresia. The eggs not only begin to diminish in quantity, but especially also in quality. The combination of these factors leads to a woman’s fertility beginning to decline in her 20’s and significantly deteriorating after age 35. The chance of conception for a woman older than 43 is very low.

Normally of the 750-1000 eggs that are lost one (or two) will ovulate. With egg donation 10-15 eggs are given to another women. These eggs would have been lost anyway.

Therefore egg donation does not reduce the amount of eggs in the ovary.

10. Will it hurt?

Well let’s start off with the injections – for the needle phobes – read on…..everyone else, move onto the next q&a! On a scale of 1 to 10 – the thought of what you are going to do (i.e. poke yourself with a needle once a day for the next 2 weeks) is going to be a lot more frightening and painful than the actual injection. Promise. Moving onto the actual donation process and retrieval – it is impossible for us to anticipate how you – as an individual – are going to feel. You could have zero out of 10 pain or discomfort / 2 out of 10 pain or discomfort / 5 out of 10 pain or discomfort / and (do you see where this is going) hopefully not, but you may have 10 out of 10 pain or discomfort. Nothing that a couple of pain killers / hot water bottle and a few hours of zzzzzzzz’s can’t sort out.

11. What are normal activities after the procedure?

You MUST have someone drive you home after the procedure. It’s the law. You may find that you need to sleep for the remainder of the day after the procedure. We recommend you take it easy for a few days post-retrieval. Your fertility clinic physician may give you other guidelines regarding post-operative activities.

12. Who pays the medical bills?

13. What about compensation?

Compensation is guided by the South African Medical Ethics committee and is currently set at R7000. This compensation paid is not intended to pay for the eggs donated (as donors donate their eggs as a gift of hope), nor for monetary reward. Dudette, you are not ‘selling’ your eggs, you are giving them as a gift to someone else. And for the mission of going to all the appointments and taking your meds like good gals, you will be rewarded on earth (the seven thousand ront) and in heaven (front row seats, house with sea view). The payment is recompense for expenses occurred and inconvenience suffered during the donation process. The seven grand does not even begin to come close to reflecting the immense gratitude the recipients feel. Their deep appreciation and good wishes for the donor continue for many years.

14. What can I buy with my R7000?

Do we even need to answer this question!? You can go shopping and treat yourself to something fabulous, or you could be sensible and save it, or you could be generous and donate it to your favourite charity. Or even better – do all three! We know you aren’t donating for the money, but everyone deserves to treat themselves now and then.

15. Do I meet the couple receiving my eggs?

No. Nurture operates within the law – Anonymity is key! No real names – no adult photos. The recipient will not know your identity, only your physical characteristics and the details of your medical history, family history, hobbies, and educational background. Your love of expensive shoes and fear of goggas may also be of interest…so be sure to put all of this info in when completing the application.

16. Will I know the outcome of the donation?

17. Will I have to take time off from my studies or work?

Yes – Once matched, there will be an initial appointment with the doctors at the clinic which will take approximately an hour. In addition to this, you will also have a once off hour visit with a psychologist. During the actual procedure, you will have to go to the clinic at least three to four times for ultrasounds. (This is over a two week period) You will also have to take a day off for egg retrieval. These visits cannot be scheduled for outside of normal working hours or on Saturdays. So ja, you will have to take time off, but not AGES and AGES.

18. Are the Doctors all taken?

19. What are the possible side effects?

Let’s get the 2 immediate general concerns out of the way – 1) Am I going to put on weight? Well Girlfriend – you are on medication for 2 weeks…sooooo…we are not quite sure how many kilo’s you can pack on in 14 days, but if it is more than a kilo or two, step awayyyyyyy from the 7th slab of toblerone! 2) Am I going to turn into an emotional basket case / raving ice-pick killer? The doctor’s who we work with are not cowboys, i.e. they are not pumping you full of hormones so that your body produces kazillions of eggs – They use a very mild/gentle stimulation protocol which is closely monitored. So, if you DO pick up that ice pick and lunge at your partner, we think you were predisposed to this kind of behaviour sans hormone medication!

Side effects differ from donor to donor. Some women experience absolutely none. If you are prone to premenstrual syndrome (PMS) you may feel some of the side effects attributed to the injections. These effects are usually mild and may include allergic sensitivity, breast tenderness, abdominal bloating, headaches and/or mood swings. You shouldn’t become too much of a dragon, but if you do, blame it on the hormones! You may gain a kilogram or two, which will only be a temporary weight gain as it is when you have PMS. As with any medical procedure, there is always a miniscule chance of infection, and/or reaction to the anaesthetic medication(s). Bleeding is usually minimal and infection is unlikely as an intravenous antibiotic is routinely administered at the time of the procedure.

20. What are the risks?

This is the serious bit and we can do serious. The clinics we work with prefer to have all the steps in place so that none of these nasties happen – Prevention being better than cure! The primary risk is a condition called Ovarian Hyper-Stimulation Syndrome (OHSS). This is relatively rare (1% of IVF cases). It is caused by the ovary producing too many eggs in response to the drug stimulation. This is why we make sure that you can get to the clinic for all those important scans – The doctor’s can soon pick up that your ovaries are over zealous – and will adjust the medication accordingly. i.e. lower the medication whilst you are on it. If OHSS does kick in, it normally happens a day or two after the retrieval – you will go from feeling uncomfortable to pretty rotten – You have Melany’s cell number – you will have the doctor’s cell number and if in any doubt, get dialing. Symptoms include feeling nauseous, of extreme bloating and pain. The doctor will ask you to get to the clinic so that he can assess your condition. Normally extra bed rest and a couple of days for your ovaries to shrink back to their normal size is sufficient. IF the doctors are overly concerned, they will check you into the clinic, hook you up to a drip and administer anti-biotics. Basically, your ovaries are swollen, pissed off and they are letting you know all about it. They need an extra bit of TLC and time to shrink back to their normal size. It is also key to note that in the majority of egg donation cycles in South Africa a ‘new’ medical protocol called “Lupron trigger protocol” or GnRH agonist trigger protocol is used that effectively eliminates the development of ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (OHSS).

The secondary potential risk is the risk of infection – whether one is having a baby, having an ingrown toe nail cut out, wisdom teeth removed or donating ones precious eggs – there is always a chance of an infection developing. There is NO doctor, agency or clinic that can say “Yes Ma’am – this procedure is 100% safe” (so beware the people who do!) The thing to remember is that the chance of anything going wrong is highly unlikely, but not impossible. Again – what most clinics do – is, whilst you are under having your eggs retrieved, they will administer an anti-biotic shot to counter act that very small risk of infection.

Should a donor need follow up care as a result of a complication arising from the donation – the clinic that she donates at will see to it.

21. Can I die from the procedure?

With our crazy taxi drivers on the road…you have more chance of dying on the WAY to the procedure than you have of dying DURING the procedure. But, as with everything in life, there are risks. Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome is the most common serious complication (see point above). It may become a more serious problem in 1% of women undergoing egg donation and very rarely it can be life threatening. You are 10 times more likely to die following natural childbirth than from donating eggs.

22. Can I be registered with other donor agencies?

You mean……there are other agencies!!! Ok, so, here’s the deal! We would prefer a donor to only be signed up with fabulous us, however…we realize that some donors can and do sign up with other (notnearlyasfabulousasus) agencies, soooooo…if you do this – let us know – and…more importantly – if you are selected through us (or the other agency) we need you to tell them (or us) right away. As you know, it is physically impossible to do 2 simultaneous donations! There is a VERY precious recipient who is investing a whole lot of soul (and moola) here, so…a bit of common sense and courtesy needs to prevail here! Yebo yes!?

“I just wanted to say a massive thank you to you and the rest of your team for the phenomenal work that you do. Everything seems to be done with so much love and care and it really shows as it made my experience such an amazing one. Having donated twice before (through other agencies) I knew a little of what to expect but this time was by far the most special. And if i decide to donate again I will definitely be coming back to Nurture.” Donor “S” June 2012

23. How many times may I donate?

The South African guidelines state that a donor may donate six times or five viable pregnancies (whichever comes first). This can differ slightly between clinics – depending on their policy.
Unlike other agencies who may think that you are a “battery hen”, Nurture believes more in the “free range” approach. So – it is completely up to you as to whether you would like to donate more than once. When you are matched for a donation, we remove your profile from our website. After the donation is completed – if you would like to join the gorgeous and divine Nurture team once more, we will put your profile back on the website a month after your last donation. That way if you get snapped up straight away, you will have had three months break between donations.

24. What if I’m still not sure…

If your application is successful and you are chosen, you are given the opportunity to chat about these feelings with our counseling psychologist before proceeding. This is a very personal decision, you must be comfortable with it. We will respect whatever you decide and encourage you to take time to make the right decision for you.

25. What if I am a virgin?

Not an issue, however you need to be aware that you will have to undergo a number of internal vaginal scans and there is a risk that the hymen may be ruptured during the egg retrieval process. We have had many virgins who have donated successfully!

26. Will there be any cutting or scarring?

No, the eggs are removed vaginally with an ultrasound guided fine needle whilst you are under sedation. The actual egg retrieval takes about 20 minutes. For a video on how eggs are retrieved, you can have a look at this video which although not totally the same, is similar to what egg donors go through in South Africa: www.youtube.com/watch?v=mV5lA_0i4S4

27. Can HIV positive women donate?

28. What if I live far away /outside of the cities where the fertility clinics are located?

Nurture has many donors who travel around South Africa to donate. Nurture works with clinics based in Cape Town, Johannesburg, Pretoria, Port Elizabeth and Durban. We will be working with a clinic in Windhoek (Namibia) in the near future too, however only donors residing in Namibia will be able to donate in Windhoek. You can indicate whether you would like to/are able to donate at various locations. If you are chosen to donate in a city far from home, are willing to travel and can afford the time away from home/work, the process will involve a day trip to that specific city (generally fly in the morning and back the same day). Then around 2 months later, you will need to travel back to that city and stay for a minimum of 10 days. All of the necessary travel, transport, accommodation and daily allowance arrangements will be taken care of and paid for on your behalf. There is no cost to you, the donor.

29. Can one donate eggs while still breastfeeding?

30. What is the time commitment to donate?

From the time you are chosen by a recipient it usually takes 2 to 3 months until the actual egg donation happens. The initial screening happens shortly after being chosen (2 appointments – one with the doctor and one with the psychologist). Then about 2 months after the initial screening the actual donation process begins. You will have an appointment to collect your medication and once you start injecting yourself with the fertility medication, there will be a minimum of 3 visits to the clinic for an internal scan + the day of retrieval (this is the only day you will need to take the whole day off) A doctors note can be arranged with reception at the clinic for any/all of the appointments. (this will be a regular gynae letter & will not disclose that you are donating your eggs) To summarize – you are looking at a minimum of 7 appointments over a 2-3 month period.

31. Can I still have sex during the egg donation process?

To avoid getting pregnant yourself during the egg donation process you need to be extra careful!! You are super fertile before and after the donation. You will either need to abstain (ouch!!) or you will need to use condoms. The ‘rhythm method’ is NOT a reliable method, don’t do it! Once you get your period after your egg retrieval, you can go back to your normal method of contraception. Remember – the objective is for the recipient to get pregnant right now, not you 🙂 Be wise, condomize!

32. Will the child born from the egg donation ever be able to look the donor up – is there a way they can do this?

33. How do I know the recipients are “good” people?

Our recipients are amazing, resilient and tenacious people. Most of them have endured years of fertility treatment, to no avail. The common thread that connects this group of people is the desire to become parents. Each and every recipient has consulted with a fertility specialist, at the highest level, and the decision to use an egg donor is sometimes not an easy one. Although our recipients are eternally grateful for the generosity and appreciate the ultimate act of kindness offered by you (our donors), they still undergo a certain amount of emotional distress before finding peace in the process.
You can rest assured knowing that the physical, emotional and financial investment made by our recipient parents is reassurance of the fact that these are good people, wanting to be good parents.
Our team support each and every recipient through their journey, from choosing a donor who is right for them, throughout the donation process and beyond.

34. What is BMI ?

Body mass index, or BMI, is an index of a person’s relative “skinniness or heavyness”. The BMI factors in a person’s weight and their height to give an overall “index”. For a woman to donate eggs, it is a medical requirement that her BMI is between 18 and 28.

35. Can I donate eggs if my BMI is out of this range?

Unfortunately not! We know it’s a great pity, but there is a sound medical reason. Although you may very well be healthy and fertile and fabulously gorgeous at any number, one of the medical requirements for an egg donor is that her BMI falls between 18 and 28. The reason one cannot be under or over this range is that the fertility medication used in the process of egg donation don’t work as well with donors who are outside of this range. We want to give the recipients the very best odd of success, which means we need the medication to work at optimal levels.

36. Does a previous miscarriage or termination of pregnancy count against me?

37. Who chooses the hospital and the gynae?

Your treatment will take place at the clinic where your recipient’s fertility Dr is based. We will only know which clinic you are donating at if/when you are selected. The clinics we work with can be found here.

38. Is it ensured that the whole process is anonymous between the donor and the recipient?

39. How many eggs do you take in total?

It is not possible to specify how many eggs are donated as everyone responds to the medication differently & added to that, every donation cycle is different. Just to explain further – the female body releases new eggs each month (until your mid 30’s). If left unfertilised these eggs are flushed away each month with your menstrual cycle. During a donation cycle you are given medication to gently stimulate your egg growth – those “extra” eggs are the eggs which are donated. The average number of egg retrieved is 14 with each cycle.

Lastly,

Pick us….local IS lekker and we are the best in the West (and the East, North and South as well)! We look forward to welcoming you on board.