Pew & Jews Marrying Jews

According to the recent Pew study, 53% of Jews who recently married another Jew are orthodox.

Pew Research recently released a study of American Jewry that has drawn much comment in all sectors of the Jewish world. ‘’An America without Jews will be a poorer place,’’ writes one columnist who thought Pew suggested we are disappearing. The Pew numbers, in fact, say the Jewish community is growing, albeit more slowly than the American population is growing. He misunderstood the numbers.

“Orthodox outreach has been a great waste of money,’’ wrote another, commenting that only 4% of adult conservative Jews now identify as being orthodox. He also misunderstood the numbers.

Are funders of Jewish outreach really wasting their money on such efforts? Pew's data gives us an answer. How many people does ‘’4% of Jews of the conservative movement” represent? 36,000 Jewish people from the conservative movement now identify as orthodox. That’s a lot of people. And according to numbers from Pew, many tens of thousands of Jewish adults in the United States who were not raised orthodox now identify themselves as being orthodox. Supporters of outreach may feel they indeed are getting a good return on their investment. (1)

Data itself is neutral. When you have a question, you can use data to get meaningful answers. After reading so many skewed articles that misinterpreted the data, I decided to spend some time asking some of my own questions and crunch a few numbers. The results were rather surprising.

A recent New York Federation survey of the local Jewish community, found nearly 300,000 adults who said they are orthodox. An astounding 12% said they grew up in homes that were reform, conservative and most often ‘’just not religious.’’ That is 36,000 Jewish returnees in New York’s five boroughs and Long Island alone. Pinning down a precise number for the entire country is doable for someone analyzing the Pew data. I was surprised by this high number.

Since I regard all the Jewish people as one family, I cannot look at data to come up with winners and losers. If the Jewish people are suffering in any one sector, we should all be in pain.

Pew tells us that the most vibrant sector of Jewish life in America is what I will call, the ‘’two-Jew family” – namely a man and a woman who both say they are Jewish and marry each other. Such unions, whether they are reform, orthodox or conservative, or even not religious, are the bedrock of American Jewish life.

Jews married to Jews are four times more likely to join a Jewish synagogue of any type. They are twice as likely to give money to Jewish causes. They are also more likely to raise their children as Jews; 96% say they will try.

Among Jews married to Jews, their children are nearly four times more likely to marry other Jews than the children of the intermarried.

No matter what your priorities, whether it garnering support for Israel, encouraging people to give to their local federation, or strengthening Jewish commitment and observance, it is the ‘’two-Jew” family that best supports your goals. Creating such unions is in the interest of the American Jewish community.

Before we continue, a caveat. Without a doubt, there are intermarried Jewish people, Jewish single parent and single Jews who make great and important contributions to our people. We must recognize and include all Jews. I have met a great Rabbi who influenced thousands; his own father died when he was a young child, and his single mother imbued him with courage and commitment to be a leader.

10% of the Jewish people are now creating 53% of those who marry other Jewish people.

My teacher, Rabbi Noah Weinberg, of blessed memory, often said that one of the most influential people in the Jewish world this past century was a divorced woman in Poland named Sarah Schnierer, the founder of the Bais Yaakov school system. I have also met intermarried people who later in life came to appreciate the relevance and beauty of living a Jewish life, but they have a spouse, kids and a life that cannot change easily. Many of these people are significant contributors to building the Jewish nation. If we don’t include all Jewish people, we are betraying our mission.

Having said that, a Jewish community can still seek to foster certain behaviors and commitments for the good of the nation. Encouraging Jews to marry Jews is among those policies.

How are we doing in this important challenge?

Analyzing Pew’s data shows the following: (2)

10% of American Jewish adults are orthodox

22% of Jews who get married are orthodox

53% of Jews who recently married another Jew are orthodox. (3)

That means that 10% of the Jewish people are now creating 53% of those who marry other Jewish people.

The numbers are startling and reflect a very different makeup of the Jewish people that exists right now. Any Jewish organization that seeks out the newly married should realize that over half of the in-married in this group identify as orthodox.

How can such a small sector of the Jewish people provide so much of our committed families?

Secondly, the Torah observant community strongly encourages the young to marry, and to marry Jewish, at least more than the alternatives in Jewish life today.

Children, Jewish children, support for Israel, support for local federations, commitment to the general Jewish community all flow in great torrents from the two-Jew family. When over half the people entering into these relationships are orthodox, it changes the Jewish community right now. This is changing the demographics of the Jewish people, today, not just a generation from now.

Commitment to a Jewish spouse is strongly correlated to synagogue membership. In-married couples are four times more likely to join a shul than the intermarried, says the Pew Survey.

According to the data, two Jews marrying of any denomination are more than twice as likely to say being Jewish is very important than the intermarried. Jews married to Jews are twice as likely to give to Jewish causes.

The orthodox community has a fertility rate more than double the general Jewish population. Among the Jewish intermarried, 37% are raised in another religion, primarily Christianity. The Jewish Daily Forward reports that the latest trend across the USA is for orthodox schools overflowing with children to rent underutilized facilities at reform and conservative synagogues.

It is very possible that a majority of Jewish children being born in 2013, and being raised Jewish without the mixture of another religion, are now being born in orthodox homes.

Understanding the Pew data can lead to intelligent decision making and planning on a communal level.

A final word. Jewish tradition teaches that it is dangerous to reduce people to numbers. I felt that very clearly in studying the survey data. In the sea of all the data it, is all too easy to forget that every number represents real people, real families, where each member is precious beyond description. No one would say, “Well two of my three children are happy. I’m doing pretty well at 67%.” Each member of our family is a jewel of eternal worth.

The entire Jewish people are our family. For those who care about the Jewish People, now is the time to act.

Endnotes

Re: the numbers of those who were not raised in orthodox tradition, but presently do identify with Orthodox Jewry: 1% of reform, 4% of conservative, 3% of nondenominational, and 3% of non-religious adopted Orthodox identification. Actuaries and math mavens are invited to calculate a better number than ‘tens of thousands’’.

All statistics are from the recent Pew poll unless otherwise indicated.

From the New York Times of Oct 1, 2013 ‘’poll shows major shift in identity of us Jews’’

‘’The intermarriage rate, a bellwether statistic, has reached a high of 58 percent for all Jews and 71 percent for non-orthodox Jews, a huge change from before 1970….’’

Alan Cooperman of the Pew Research Center provided in private email the following more precise statistics.

There are 3 numbers to keep in mind. Among those who married 2005-2013.

74% intermarriage among non-orthodox

58% intermarriage among Jews a whole

0% intermarriage among Jews who are presently orthodox.

22% of those who married identified as orthodox.

52% of those who married another Jewish person identified as orthodox.

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About the Author

Originally from Chicago, Yakov grew up with the classic twice-a-year synagogue experience and, like most Jews of his generation, was part of the 13-and-Out Club at his bar mitzvah. As a young adult he traveled through Europe and then to Israel, where he discovered the vibrancy and relevancy of Judaism. He studied at Aish Jerusalem for 10 years and received rabbinic ordination. For 13 years, he worked with Aish Toronto and became the founding rabbi of The Village Shul. He then worked with Aish Denver, and in 2005 moved to Washington. Together with his wife, Lori, he has started many new classes and programs which have resulted in the growth of a vibrant, Jewishly-committed community in the North Bethesda/Rockville area. Rabbi Palatnik is co-author of Remember My Soul, and the father of five children.

Visitor Comments: 32

Is intermarriage a cause of decreased affiliation, or are Jews who are not affiliated simply more likely to marry non-Jews, and not care if their children are Jewish? Has this been studied?

Also, I wonder if the low quality of Jewish education* that I have observed for the past 2 generations (and probably longer than that) is turning young people away from Judaism.

*I don't mean that they are teaching a low level of Judaism--although that is also true--I mean that the quality of the teaching is so bad that the kids hate Hebrew school, and by extension, all things Jewish. Has this also been studied?

(14)
roxanne,
February 11, 2015 6:31 PM

Being warm and caring and passionate about our faith. Judaism is beautiful.

(13)
Frank Adam,
June 30, 2014 9:28 AM

...and what was not said/written???

Marriage is a two way street not only for the bridal couple but their families and society at large given that marriage is the point of formality and state of reality where the public and private interface and interchange. One omitted reason for intermarriage is that the non-Jews are also no longer bothered about marrying Jews where a generation ago they would have been. For corroboration look at the growth of marriages across "colour lines" or that in Britain the mixed marriages between the British and the immigrant Moslems from former British India is far higher than the marriages between immigrants from the former Raj and immigrants from Africa and the Caribbean. Now congratulations to the increased Jewish Community wide proportion of marriages that are Jew and Jew(ess) or are we not to use feminine endings these days even when obviously required by context? However this last frivolity just proves that the problem is how to make being Jewish pertinent in our post migration, post psychological, post denominational, post mere subsistence existence World. This is not just the ritual and observance which can easily turn hollow - all the non-orthodox come from families once orthodox - but the far more difficult question of what they represent and how that is pertinent to social education and management. Put what "religion" is for, or does, up front and a lot more people - young people- will stay in and marry in. Inferring that "orthodoxy" is the answer which will simply restore itself is not enough if one judges "orthodoxy" as observance first and foremost.

(12)
Anonymous,
May 7, 2014 3:39 PM

What About The Fakers?

Unfortunately, people lie, I including about being Jewish. Since I know of such people who are masquerading as "Orthodox" when in fact they are Catholic, I have to wonder how widespread this is.

(11)
Sharona,
December 8, 2013 8:31 AM

When people are not Jewishly educated, they don't know the importance of marrying Jewish. If it's just culture, then he or she could marry who they want and they share both cultures with their children. But it's Not just culture. We Jews have a mission of Torah and mitzvos and can only fulfill our mission with a Jewish spouse. For example, she lights the Shabbos candles and says a blessing, and he says the kiddush prayer with wine. While a Non-Jew can do things like keep kosher if they want, they can't keep Shabbos, that's for us. When the couple has the same faith, they can truly pass it down to their children without making them confused and have to pick a side to be on.

(10)
Tamara,
December 4, 2013 3:23 PM

What's the answer?

Good take on the numbers but the Rabbi doesn't really provide any concrete solutions to help "encourage Jews to marry Jews" other than sending kids to Jewish day schools where they get brainwashed and married off to start reproducing at a young age. Not a viable option for many.

a,
December 5, 2013 7:20 AM

Jewish day school doesn't brain wash them, it just provides a daily education about the way Judaism has been brought down for thousands of years. A long, long, time.

Not all people get married at a young age. However, the core essence brought up in the article is about education and lifestyle. Kids have to do Jewish things to feel connected to their heritage. If there isn't any regular involvement, like portrayed in the Orthodox movement than there is no sense of belonging. It's not a major part of their identity otherwise.

Tamara,
December 11, 2013 2:39 PM

Of course. . .

Sure you need to educate kids from a young age and immerse them in a Jewish lifestyle. I think what the article, and the Rabbi, either misses or doesn't care about is the problem of single Jews 30 who struggle to find a Jewish spouse. Most of "Generation X" was NOT raised observant, and while there are many lovely Jewish women who would be thrilled to marry a Jewish husband, this value is simply not important to men of that generation. Thus the Jewish guys with subservient Asian wives and the growing number of single, childless Jewish women in their 30's and up. At some point, if you want to have a family, marrying out becomes the only viable option. The Orthodox movement does not seem concerned with this issue. It appears more interested in sending Jewish moms to Israel and pushing outreach education on families with young kids. I guess it's understandable, given that the children are our future and limited resources only allow so many efforts. But, don't expect us to support you financially or suddenly feel spiritual when one day you decide that you should invite those lonely single people for a Shabbat meal. You marginalize us, that's what you get.

Ilea,
January 5, 2014 1:18 AM

Single Not Lonely

Now just a minute, Tamara. I am a 30 single woman who is very happy being single, and there are many more like me, both men and women. Please stop perpetuating the nonsense that we are all lonely and pathetic. Some of us choose to be single, and it is a valid lifestyle choice. I don't want kids either; I love my freedom and the time I have to pursue passions I never got to pursue as a child. I most certainly am NOT struggling to find a partner. It's not even something I think about frequently. When I do go out with someone, it's only someone who doesn't want kids (or doesn't want anymore kids), so there is no issue for me about how children will be raised.

(9)
Denise Rootenberg,
December 2, 2013 1:56 AM

Last year's Siyyum Hashas

Someone I know who watched part of the broadcast commented, "Too many black hats for my liking". All I could think of when I was there was, "Almost every one of the 90,000 here here has married or will marry a Jew and will have more children than the average. I wish Hitler could see this 'remnant', our triumph." We stayed with a family who have 12 children. We, the not frum from birth, say, "How disgusting, how expensive..." - but when I sat with the parents, kids and grandkids at the dinner table all I could think was, "They are so fortunate and they are so wealthy."

(8)
Miri,
December 1, 2013 8:53 PM

Missing the big picture

"Any Jewish organization that seeks out the newly married should realize that over half of the in-married in this group identify as orthodox."

I think you should add that nearly half of those newly married households are intermarriages. Everyone seems all too happy to toss those families to the curb. Perhaps if the non-Jewish spouse was warmly welcomed, more of those children would be raised as Jews. There are also many Torah-observant Jews who have an intermarriage in their parent's generation; these people are often told they are not "really" Jewish, despite living a life devoted to Hashem. Meanwhile, many of the Jewish-from-both sides young adults are basically secular. If all that matters is blood, why should we bother even identifying as Jews? Clearly, what matters is how you live your life and raise your children.

TE,
December 3, 2013 9:53 PM

Basic definition

Nobody is told (by realiable sources, anyway) that they are not "really" Jewish if they are. It comes down to one, basic, unalterable bottom line - if your mother is Jewish (because her mother and her grandmother, etc were Jewish), then you are Jewish. "Jewishness" is determined by matrilineal descent in Jewish law. There is no such thing as "half Jewish" - if you're father was Jewish, and your mother not, you are not Jewish, period. If your mother was Jewish, and your father not, you are. No two ways about it. Not very complicated. On this basic, intrinsic point, it does not matter what actions a person is doing or how they are living their life; they either are a member of the tribe (whether they like it or not) or they aren't.

Now, besides for "blood," as you put, it matters very much whether or not we identify as Jews. Blood is not all that matters - it's just the starting point. If you ARE Jewish, then "identifying" is not enough. It matters tremendously in terms of your lifestyle, the choices you make, and the things you do. The difference here is whether you are obligated in those laws in the first place, or not. If a non-Jew lives as a Jew, and raises their children as Jews, he may be choosing to be different, but he is not fulfilling his obligations, because they didn't exist in the first place.

Miri,
December 8, 2013 4:28 AM

Interesting discussion

Thanks for the in depth reply. I guess this is what I mean. In any other religion, converts are welcomed warmly. Here, they are not. By your definition, my husband and his two siblings are not Jewish, despite all three of them living as Orthodox Jews and raising children who will (hopefully) continue to do so. His mother converted when he was a little boy. If I may be so bold, I imagine that Hashem looks to our hearts before looking at our pedigree. How do you know there was never an intermarriage in your background? There was never an adoption? I guess Ruth wasn't really Jewish, either?

I suppose I just think that this business of treating converts like outsiders is not a positive direction to take. Intermarriage is here to stay, so why not be open to the possibility of the other spouse converting? That seems like a win, to me.

misha,
April 14, 2014 6:19 PM

Sounds very racist and un-Jewish

Its not all about blood and race. regardless of your insensitive,hateful banter, the Torah commands that you "love the convert in your midst..." Num 15:16. Talmud Torah, Rambam, shikahn aruhk, with most sages of our history all consider the "convert" as Jewish as any other Jew. Its arrogant pride that disparages one who has chosen the covenant as opposed to many that "luck-ed out" in the gene pool and/or have dumped Torah for secularism...something that hurts we Jews more than anything. watch what you say, if its up to you, David might not be even born as Ruth is rejected...there's a reason why HaShem chose a "convert" to help bring our world our greatest king. Of course, Moshe himself, raised a pagan needed conversion

Anonymous,
December 4, 2013 11:17 PM

Even bigger picture

Why do Jews intermarry? Because they have no deep and meaningful connection to Judaism. How can those same people expect to then raise meaningful homes, especially with a major conflict of interest involved?

Unless born to a Jewish mother, the person isn't a Jew. Quick, simple, and easy.

(7)
jgarbuz,
December 1, 2013 8:05 PM

Why does the "outreach" have to be "religious?"

Jews are a tribe. The Laws of Our tribe say that Jews must only marry other Jews. It doesn't have to be couched in "religious" language. Jews are a tribe, not merely a religion. Membership in our tribe is based on being born to a Jewish mother. Those who are not, are not members of our tribe. Keep it simple. Don't make it "religious." Every tribe has its rules and taboos, so why shouldn't ours?

Anonymous,
December 4, 2013 10:56 PM

Major reasons

People who look at Judaism as a religion disregard it. Those who treat it as a lifestyle embrace it. The secular denominations are not long-lived, and have all but failed the Jewish people.

The purpose of the Orthodox argument is to provide a much more intermarriage-proof system.

It is about forming an identity, not a convenience or after thought.

In 100 years or possibly less, the secular Jew will barely exist anymore.

(6)
Andy,
December 1, 2013 7:34 PM

Throughout history almost all Jews were Orthodox even if less observant and it seems that will be the case again

It's understandable that non Orthodox Jews most often marry out.it seems to me most view Judaism as an ethnic group, and not as a religion/way of living to be practiced by a holy people commanded to follow G-ds laws, for the betterment of all humanity. It's therefore natural today for a non religious Jew to marry a non religious Christian as neither believe religion to be an important factor in their daily lives. The Orthodox Jews and religious Christian,Muslims,etc want their children raised with the same traditional values they believe so they overwhelmingly marry within the faith..Those values are often at odds with Western secular ones. I believe that Jews are a family with a land, a language and a mission. We are all responsible for each other, but the majority who marry out don't see it that way.Aish,Chabad,NJOP and more try to reach those Jews and in my opinion deserve support

Anonymous,
December 5, 2013 7:24 AM

Correct

Andy, well said. You're absolutely right that perhaps in 70-100 years, the secular Jew will not exist in this world. All of the Jews will return to full religious form. The issue is how many of them can we grab now before they leave.

(5)
R'Chanan (Antony) Gordon,
December 1, 2013 5:49 PM

Outstanding analysis Reb Yaakov

Yaakov,

Kudos on a well thought through and important analysis of the recent publication of the Pew Report. As you know, Dick Horowitz and I are 'back at the drawing board' updating our "Will Your Grandchild Be Jewish" Demographic Chart incorporating the findings of the Pew Report. Your piece is extremely helpful to us in the revised piece we will be submitting for publication. May you have continued success in all your endevours. Warm regards, R'Chanan (Antony) Gordon

Miriam,
December 2, 2013 1:12 AM

Your chart helped change our lives

Rabbi Gordon,

When my husband and I first looked at your chart more than 10 years ago it made a great impression on us. Back then we belonged to a Conservative Jewish congregation. With the help of many dedicated kiruv men and women, including Rabbi and Rebbitzen Palatnik, we are proud to say we now follow the teachings of Orthodox Judaism.

Rabbi Palatnik,

Thank you for presenting your analysis of the Pew data. It is all about how the numbers are interpreted. You have shown that the glass is more than half full. May Jewish men and women throughout the world continue to create "2 Jew" marriages in growing numbers.

Eli Emanuel,
December 2, 2013 9:32 PM

I'm sure you're aware of Rabbi Motti Bergers comment with regard to your chart. That the problem with these demographics is that they were true 100 years ago as well. So where do todays reform jews come from? Answer: there grandparents were orthodox!! Unfortunately the increasing rate of kids going off the derech counteracts the golden view of the future for the orthodox. May we all merit to do teshuva shlaima

Anonymous,
December 4, 2013 11:02 PM

Is it possible to see the updated chart somewhere?

(4)
DAS1951,
December 1, 2013 5:35 PM

A question of definition

Although I do not live in America (but in the UK) I agree with the sentiments of the article.

I should just like to add that one should consider what an "orthodox" affiliation means. Maybe it is broader than implied. For example, I am affiliated to a traditional orthodox synagogue, but am I orthodox in the Shomer Shabbat sense? No. And I am not alone.

Anonymous,
December 3, 2013 9:56 PM

Labels

That's the problem with labels. Labels aside, the deal-breaker is (a) are you Jewish and (b) do you follow the laws of the Torah? And "I am affiliated with" and "I am" are two very different things. I know many people afilliated with Orthodox synangogues who would not say "I am Orthodox" but "I am affiliated with an Orthodox synagogue"

(3)
Frank Adam,
December 1, 2013 5:29 PM

Other interpretations

This can also mean that those charged with stewarding the Jewish people are poor teachers and publicists about the basic premise of why trouble with religion in general? and in particular why keep up being Jewish? Just pushing a nice life style is not a sustaining idea in "stormy waters" any more than sentimentality about anything. Rabbi Jacobovits the late Chief Rabbi of Britain once very pertinently said that,"Faith is caught not taught," and though this is helped by an ambience and atmosphere of observance and learning, more than enough have walked out. Some investigation into the why would help teaching why one should not... "give up the ship."

(2)
Barry Berger,
December 1, 2013 5:26 PM

Stats can mislead

A possible reinterpretation of the impressive stat:10% of American Jewish adults are orthodox22% of Jews who get married are orthodox53% of Jews who recently married another Jew are orthodox

If there were 2 Orthodox Jews in the US, and they married each other, that would mean that 100% of Jews who recently married another Jew are orthodox.

Is it thus not important to address and accept the 90 percent of American Jewis adults who are not orthodox ... not to speak of Israel where non Orthodox is not even officially recognized!.

Anonymous,
December 1, 2013 9:44 PM

"Stats can mislead" but folly misleads more...

Barry said:"If there were 2 Orthodox Jews in the US, and they married each other, that would mean that 100% of Jews who recently married another Jew are orthodox."

No. "If there were 2 Orthodox Jews in the US", then, you're forgetting Barry, that there are 9 times as many non-Orthodox Jews too. You have to factor in what percentage of Jews marry. And what percentage marry other Jews.

So your conclusion that "100% of Jews who recently married another Jew are orthodox" is wrong.

I'm not sure what your agenda or point is. But whatever it is, it's based on faulty footing.

MB

(1)
Dr. Alex Pister,
December 1, 2013 2:42 PM

Pew misses the message

What really is happening both here in America and everywhere else is the disappearance of the non Torah observant Jewish world. This includes Israel. So much so that the most secular of politicians are courting the Torah observant vote. They’re even forming political partnerships with Yeshiva graduates and Rabbis. A much more revealing study would show the exponential/explosive growth in the Torah observant world both here in America and everywhere else. I was just discussing this at our Shabbos table this week with a family member. There is a married couple we know who came from families of 3 children on each side of their marriage. None were raised Torah observant. When they married each other they became Torah observant. When asked why they responded that it is because the Torah is true and written by G-d. They currently have 22 1st degree relatives including they’re own 8 kids 7 grandchildren and 5 married kids with one more grandchild due anytime. The other two remaining siblings on the wife’s side have 5 kids in total one of them living with a non Jew twice her age and no kids, another an unmarried devout Buddhist with no kids and three from the 3rd sibling who themselves have chosen a Torah observant lifestyle. On the husbands side one sibling is Sabbath observant and has three kids and the other sibling was intermarried to a non Jewish woman. They are now divorced with one child who by Jewish law is not Jewish. This pretty much sums it up. We in the Torah observant world need to hear the “real wakeup call”. And that is our responsibility to spread the message of the Truth of Torah and its observance. Sending the link to Aish.com to all Jews family or friend is amongst the best ways to do so.

Miri,
December 1, 2013 9:02 PM

I agree

I agree with what you are saying, but I want to point out that many of those newly Torah-observant Jews are the product of intermarried parents. There is no reason to assume intermarriage among non-religious Jews will be the end of the spark of Judaism within that family line. I think we are too quick to assume an intermarriage is always going to be a lost cause. Ultimately, Torah observance is a choice, and being welcoming to non-Jewish spouses who might convert is important.

Dr. Pister,
December 2, 2013 5:18 PM

Miri, Rabbi Noach Weinberg said exactly what you said

Miri, Rabbi Noach Weinberg, the founder and dean of Aish Hatorah, said exactly what you said. He directly told us that in the case of an intermarriage we should do “outreach” to the non Jewish spouse. How many times have we all seen that the non Jew is far more open and interested in Torah Judaism than the Jewish spouse? So, far from giving up on intermarried couples, we are absolutely enjoined to embrace them. I’ve personally seen dozens of couples over the years go through the “process” here at Aish Toronto. We’ve witnessed the growth and Jewish development of their beautiful families and children. They’re kids often times end up being even more dedicated to Torah Judaism than their parents!! Rabbi Weinberg was clear in his mandate: “this is it” he personally told me. “It’s the last curtain call for non affiliated Jews world wide”. He told me he saw this coming when he was a young yeshiva student in his teens and twenties. All the more so in our times. And besides our own personal efforts to reach out to all Jews the other best thing is still to direct people to Aish.com.

Anonymous,
December 4, 2013 11:31 PM

Contrary to that

The major reason children of interfaith couples become Torah-observant is because of outreach or the Keiruv movement. There are always exceptions to all rules. However, with the format of today's society, staying Jewish even in an Orthodox home in America is becoming increasingly difficult.

This is why it takes every ounce of leverage to maintain the Jewish people.

I'm told that it's a mitzvah to become intoxicated on Purim. This puzzles me, because to my understanding, it is not considered a good thing to become intoxicated, period.

One of the characteristics of the at-risk youth is their use of drugs, including alcohol. In my experience, getting drunk doesn't reveal secrets. It makes people act stupid and irresponsible, doing things they would never do if they were sober. Also, I know a lot about the horrible health effects of abusing alcohol, because I work at a research center that focuses on addiction and substance abuse.

Also, I am an alcoholic, which means that if I drink, very bad things happen. I have not had a drink in 22 years, and I have no intention of starting now. Surely there must be instances where a person is excused from the obligation to drink. I don't see how Judaism could ever promote the idea of getting drunk. It just doesn't seem right.

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Putting aside for a moment all the spiritual and philosophical reasons for getting drunk on Purim, this remains an issue of common sense. Of course, teenagers should be warned of the dangers of acute alcohol ingestion. Of course, nobody should drink and drive. Of course, nobody should become so drunk to the point of negligence in performing mitzvot. And of course, a recovering alcoholic should not partake of alcohol on Purim.

Indeed, the Code of Jewish Law explicitly says that if one suspects the drinking may affect him negatively, then he should NOT drink.

Getting drunk on Purim is actually one of the most difficult mitzvot to do correctly. A person should only drink if it will lead to positive spiritual results - e.g. under the loosening affect of the alcohol, greater awareness will surface of the love for God and Torah found deep in the heart. (Perhaps if we were on a higher spiritual level, we wouldn't need to get drunk!)

Yet the Talmud still speaks of an obligation on Purim of "not knowing the difference between Blessed is Mordechai and Cursed is Haman." How then should a person who doesn't drink get the point of “not knowing”? Simple - just go to sleep! (Rama - OC 695:2)

All this applies to individuals. But the question remains - does drinking on Purim adversely affect the collective social health of the Jewish community?

The aversion to alcoholism is engrained into Jewish consciousness from a number of Biblical and Talmudic sources. There are the rebuking words of prophets - Isaiah 28:1, Hosea 3:1 with Rashi, and Amos 6:6, and the Zohar says that "The wicked stray after wine" (Midrash Ne'alam Parshat Vayera).

It is well known that the rate of alcoholism among Jews has historically been very low. Numerous medical, psychological and sociological studies have confirmed this. The connection between Judaism and sobriety is so evident, that the following conversation is reported by Lawrence Kelemen in "Permission to Receive":

When Dr. Mark Keller, editor of the Quarterly Journal of Studies on Alcohol, commented that "practically all Jews do drink, and yet all the world knows that Jews hardly ever become alcoholics," his colleague, Dr. Howard Haggard, director of Yale's Laboratory of Applied Physiology, jokingly proposed converting alcoholics to the Jewish religion in order to immerse them in a culture with healthy attitudes toward drinking!

Perhaps we could suggest that it is precisely because of the use of alcohol in traditional ceremonies (Kiddush, Bris, Purim, etc.), that Jews experience such low rates of alcoholism. This ceremonial usage may actually act like an inoculation - i.e. injecting a safe amount that keeps the disease away.

Of course, as we said earlier, all this needs to be monitored with good common sense. Yet in my personal experience - having been in the company of Torah scholars who were totally drunk on Purim - they acted with extreme gentleness and joy. Amid the Jewish songs and beautiful words of Torah, every year the event is, for me, very special.

Adar 12 marks the dedication of Herod's renovations on the second Holy Temple in Jerusalem in 11 BCE. Herod was king of Judea in the first century BCE who constructed grand projects like the fortresses at Masada and Herodium, the city of Caesarea, and fortifications around the old city of Jerusalem. The most ambitious of Herod's projects was the re-building of the Temple, which was in disrepair after standing over 300 years. Herod's renovations included a huge man-made platform that remains today the largest man-made platform in the world. It took 10,000 men 10 years just to build the retaining walls around the Temple Mount; the Western Wall that we know today is part of that retaining wall. The Temple itself was a phenomenal site, covered in gold and marble. As the Talmud says, "He who has not seen Herod's building, has never in his life seen a truly grand building."

Some people gauge the value of themselves by what they own. But in reality, the entire concept of ownership of possessions is based on an illusion. When you obtain a material object, it does not become part of you. Ownership is merely your right to use specific objects whenever you wish.

How unfortunate is the person who has an ambition to cleave to something impossible to cleave to! Such a person will not obtain what he desires and will experience suffering.

Fortunate is the person whose ambition it is to acquire personal growth that is independent of external factors. Such a person will lead a happy and rewarding life.

With exercising patience you could have saved yourself 400 zuzim (Berachos 20a).

This Talmudic proverb arose from a case where someone was fined 400 zuzim because he acted in undue haste and insulted some one.

I was once pulling into a parking lot. Since I was a bit late for an important appointment, I was terribly annoyed that the lead car in the procession was creeping at a snail's pace. The driver immediately in front of me was showing his impatience by sounding his horn. In my aggravation, I wanted to join him, but I saw no real purpose in adding to the cacophony.

When the lead driver finally pulled into a parking space, I saw a wheelchair symbol on his rear license plate. He was handicapped and was obviously in need of the nearest parking space. I felt bad that I had harbored such hostile feelings about him, but was gratified that I had not sounded my horn, because then I would really have felt guilty for my lack of consideration.

This incident has helped me to delay my reactions to other frustrating situations until I have more time to evaluate all the circumstances. My motives do not stem from lofty principles, but from my desire to avoid having to feel guilt and remorse for having been foolish or inconsiderate.

Today I shall...

try to withhold impulsive reaction, bearing in mind that a hasty act performed without full knowledge of all the circumstances may cause me much distress.

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