*Yes, he possesses the most soulful eyes this side of 1994 and was in the coolest band (and "leans great"), but Jordan's inability to articulate himself (or READ, you guys) renders him more or less a blank slate on which teen girls can project their fantasies. After dating Angela for awhile, he up and sleeps with her good friend Rayanne. Is that the stuff fantasies are made of?

The Real-Life Version: You know how you had that friend in high school who wanted to be an archaeologist? And then she started dating this kid in a local band and decided to switch out of honors classes into remedial ones to be with him?

This was a real toss-up with Don, but it was really Roger's glibness about his douchery that pushed him to the top. And besides constantly cracking wise, he made Joan his sideline tail for years! Years! Then, seemingly two seconds after the 20-year-old Jane from Jane Street begins working at Sterling Cooper--and is Joan's at-work nemesis, by the way--he leaves Mona and marries Jane. What! Joan's so much more of a woman.

The Real-Life Version: The hot older guy who said he wasn't ready to settle down, but when you run into him five years later he's engaged to a girl younger than you.

You guys, I just... I can't. He's like Grand Master Douche. But causing a rift between former BFFs Heidi Montag and Lauren Conrad, then allowing--nay, encouraging--wife Heidi to go through ten plastic surgery procedures in ten minutes are hardly the lowest points in Pratt's douchedom.

Pratt was baptised by Stephen Baldwin during his stint on the show* I'm a Celebrity... Get Me out of Here!*In November 2010, Pratt admitted that the announcement of divorce was intended only to help Montag's struggling career.

Pratt was arrested and jailed in Costa Rica on 11 September 2010 while attempting to board an aircraft with a gun.

I rest my case.

The Real-Life Version: I can't put it better than Bridesmaids did. "He told you you need dental work. He's an a*shole."

What makes Downton so inexorably wack, and also great, is that everyone basically makes trashy, selfish decisions but mask it with propriety and manners on the surface. Thomas is the first footman at Downton, and dude is a snake. When he's caught stealing wine, he attempts to frame the innocent person for stealing himself. When he notices that a little scullery maid has a crush on him, and the adorable (and nice!) second footman has a crush on her, he leads her on (he's gay) and patronizes him in front of her. And he's constantly smoking cigarettes and scheming with O'Brien, UGHHH. Life-ruiners.

The Real-Life Version: The kid who asked you to prom, and you said no, so then he starts picking you last for gym in high school, and then spreads rumors that you're a virgin, and then spreads rumors that you are a virgin who somehow also has crabs. But he's very polite to your parents.

Who knew a single dad from Salt Lake City could be such a d*ck? Bentley, an early favorite of bachelorette Ashley Hebert's, strung her along for about five episodes too many, until eventually unzipping his hot guy suit to reveal that his insides were a black hole filled with the souls of ex-girlfriends that he sucked out through their ears.

The Real Life-Version: The one guy you're drawn to in the room for no good reason ("OMG I can't tell what he's thinking!! He's such an enigma!!" is not a good reason)--who your friends hate but you're like, "You don't get it, he's differentttt when we're alooooone"--and also probably the one guy who doesn't give a sh*t about you. At least, not in the way you wish he did.

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Runners-up:

Don Draper, Spike from Buffy, Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, McNulty from The Wire... Agree with me? Disagree with me? Did I forget any other important TV douchebags? __