Much depends on where you put it.

"Doctor, I'm here about this ointment you gave me a couple of days ago for my piles. I applied it this morning and I got a very nasty reaction." - "Hmm. Where exactly did you apply it?" - "On the bus."

Ask, and you shall receive.

A woman went to church to confess."Tell me lady, what is your problem?" asked the priest.She explained that she had two budgerigars that were very beautiful, but the problem was that the only thing they could say was. "We are prostitutes, don't you want to enjoy yourself for a while."This is very bad contested the priest, but let me suggest something."I have two budgerigars and I have taught them to read the bible and pray." "Bring me your birds and I will put them in the same cage with my birds and mine will teach yours to read the bible and pray too."The woman was thrilled with the idea and the next day she took her birds to the priest's house.When she arrived the priest´s budgerigars were in their cage reciting the rosary as they had been taught to do. Pleased, the lady put her two delinquents in the cage with the other budgerigars and true to her word they said to the other birds, "Hello, we are prostitutes, don't you want to enjoy yourself for a while."One of the priest´s budgerigars immediately said to the other, "Hey brother, put down your rosary it looks like our prayers have been answered!"

Confession.

A man went into a church and asked the priest if he was able to give him confession.The priest replied that it was possible to give the man confession right away, and they immediately went into the confession box."What is it my son?" asked the priest.I have a question, replied the man. "Are you the priest that sorts out bad woman who have been led astray?""Yes, why do you want to know?"I was wondering if you could sort out three for me for this Friday?"