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My 2nd question is: I was communicating for wks after meeting someone online. Before we met we communicated by phone & email due to our schedules. he travels a lot for work.. I work a lot of hours. OK, so we have been out a few times, I've been to his home. It's been nearly 2+yrs since I was in a relationship. So, I have stayed at his house now maybe 4X.. which the first couple, we just spent the night talking and cuddling.

Actually, much more... explosive. I have never known anything in my entire lifetime like it. he is beyond good to me in every way, not just sexually. I am terrified due to past heartache that I could get hurt.

Something. Anyway, I am trying my best to relax with it and enjoy what it is.... not, what it's not. what to do?..

Comments (4)

Hi onesunjunky,.

Welcome to the board!!!.

I agree with the other boardy that you need to talk this out. I think it's great that you are doing your best to relax and keep that up. Past hurt is hard to push away, but there is no reason for your new man to take the brunt of your past experiences. Talk to him and then decide what you want to do..

.

Good Luck!!!.

.

..

Comment #1

This is oversimplifying a bit but the same principal applies:.

A baby falls down a lot when learning to walk. sometimes it falls down hard and bumps it's head and gets hurt. No one wants that to happen - but it's part of the growing process. the baby doesn't stop trying - in fact the process takes a while and there are lots of bumps bruises and hurts - but eventually the baby learns to stand up and walk on it's own accord.

'Hurt' is a fact of life. If you breath you will get 'hurt' so why are you 'terrified' of it? It is inevitable. Accept that fact. Is it fun? Heck NO. but you have to make a decision at some point that what you want is worth risking the 'hurt' over. and you know that in the process of learning to walk (relate to another person) you will get bumped bruised and hurt.

So you go into it anyway enjoying the process and dealing with the bumps and bruises when they come up..

Hon, being 'terrified' of something puts you in it's control and it prevents you from ENJOYING WHAT IS - you are so busy looking for things to go wrong that you severely limit your enjoyment of what is. And all you have is what is. the more you focus on 'being hurt' - the more you will draw situations to you that cause that to happen. Focus on the good things - you get what you dwell upon. Its your choice to dwell upon 'being hurt' or 'being happy' choose wisely and deal with things when they come up.

Toni..

Comment #2

Confirm the fact that he is not seeing anyone else because dating (online dating with Match.com) rules have changed so much over the years. You dont want to assume something and then find out he has been operating on a different wavelength...

Comment #3

Thankyou for the reponses. I should have writtten that we are middle-aged+ and have practiced safe sex..

I did speak with him today and he confirmed that he is not seeing nor intimate with anyone else...

Comment #4

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.