Category Archives: Blunt Stuff

Last night we were coming home late and it was getting too late to cook something for dinner from scratch, so I pulled into the local super market parking lot.

My daughter and I hopped out of the van and walked around to the other side to let the wee dude out.

I had noticed an older woman across from us getting into her car and another guy riding a shopping cart to his.

All of a sudden I hear the guy start laughing out loud and I look up to see what was so funny.

The woman that had gotten into her car and now had pulled along side our van. She wound down her window and started talking to me. I couldn’t quite hear her, so I leaned towards her passenger window and asked her to repeat herself.

“Your sweet little daughter just gave me the middle finger!”

SAY WHAT NOW!?

I have NEVER given ANYONE the middle finger (in front of my kids), so as to where she picked that up, completely baffles me!

I turned around and my daughter apologized to me, but I had her immediately apologize to the lady. I was so embarrassed!

She wouldn’t tell me why she did it and stuck to me like glue while we grabbed our groceries.

Eventually, on the way home, she confessed and said that the lady made a mean face at her. Perhaps she did…she did look pretty scowly. An example of BRF (bitchy resting face).

Long long ago, when I was in my late teens, early 20’s…I actually owned bra and panty sets.

They were so pretty. They matched, or at least were co-ordinated.

I shopped at La Senza. Canada’s version of Victoria Secret, where you could get two bras for $40 and five pairs of panties for $20. I was also, still working full-time and childless, so OF COURSE I had nice underbits!

Flash forward 20{ahem} years later, and I have given birth to two kids, hung up donated all of my working duds, and long gone are the days of fancy panties and push-up bras. I should have kept those push-up bras though because my ladies have headed so far south that a push-up bra would definitely come in handy.

My “tighty whitey/ granny panties” are now the staple of my daily attire.

The unfortunate sneezes, line-ups for our one bathroom, exercises that I do regularly to get my body back from having kids and the new version of Aunt Flo that my body produces, have totally ruined the idea of wearing gorgeous lingerie for me. The special laundering required for lingerie does not work with my normal laundry schedule. The most I am capable of in my hectic schedule is separating the lights from the darks before tossing them in the washing machine.

I do see a light at the end of the tunnel though.

When the kids are both in school full-time, I will more me time allowing my Mr. Hyde FrankenMom persona to stay home while I work on a more publicly accepted version of myself.

I’m excited…just need to find some fashion sense and a new hairdresser 😜

As parents, we try our best to protect our precious little ones from violence and swearing…

but on occasion, there is no avoiding exposing them to the ugliness around us.

We spell out swear words when their little ears are nearby, and fumble to change the channel when adult content, whether violent or sexual, shows up on the TV screen.

Recently, we were privileged to be witness to an argument in public where swear words were being thrown around. Ugh! No avoiding that one.

Our 5-1/2yo daughter has always been very good at not repeating “grown up” words, even when she’s angry. But our 2-1/2 yo son, OY VEY! He is the BIGGEST parrot and has the most impeccable timing when he chooses to share his new found vocabulary.

I was picking our daughter up from school the other day and I brought along the wee dude. We always stay for a little while to play with friends and chit chat with the others parents.

When it was time to go, I hollered for my munchkins to head to the van and Tyrannosaurus Toddler yelled back, “Shut the F*€% up!”

I nearly died!

The playground got quiet and I felt all eyes on me. I wanted to disappear. How do you react to THAT!?

I quickly went to him, advised him that these words were grown up words and not appropriate for kids to use, but the more I did this, the more he thought it was funny and shared this with the onlookers.

I scooped him up and we made tracks to the van. I’m sure a great discussion was had in my absence, but whatever.

No, I don’t teach my kids these words. Yes, I have occasionally let a few slip out. Yes, I try to correct them when they are used. No, I’m not worried that others think I’m a terrible parent.

Life happens…roll with the punches. Kids will be kids and parents will always learn as we go along.

Hubby has told me this, but I’ve been in denial. I know I’m not happy and this has been going on for far too long. I’ve always looked at the worst case scenario in things and had “the cup is half empty” mentality.

It started after our daughter was born five years ago and I just have not been able to shake the doom and gloom away. Being sad, angry and jealous really takes you away of from enjoying the many fantastic things that occur in your daily life.

So taking a page from several friends and finally listening to my husband…I will be removing my head from my ass and taking the time each day to recognize and appreciate the good things that are in my life.

It was a regular day and I was busily getting the kids organized and packed up to head to the mall for a little errand running.

The sun was shining, so I planned for us to walk over, which was only a fifteen minute journey.

As per usual, everyone must go potty or get a bum change prior to our departure, so as not to have the “MOM, I NEED TO GO POTTY NOW!”, halfway en route. Little Miss tends to her business and the wee lad has had a poop, so a little extra work is required.

Finally, we’re all sorted and out the door.

We talk and sing merrily as we dawdle along. Checking out the bugs, learning about the trees and singing out favourite tunes.

Once we get to the mall, immediately the request to visit the play area is made, so I negotiate that we do our errands quickly, and then we go to the play area before heading home.

Oddly, people keep looking at me. I get some smiles and double takes, and attribute it to my being on the local news recently, so clearly these people have recognized me.

We carry on, finish getting what we need and head over to the play area.

Again, more stares.

A little uncomfortable, but now I understand what being a celebrity must feel like. Not that I’m calling myself a celebrity by any means, but having my face recognized is a little weird.

I let the littles play for half an hour or so, but now it is time to head home for lunch and the little man’s afternoon nap.

When we get home, the mandatory hand washing is required. As we’re washing our hands, I take a quick glance in the mirror…

To my horror, I see a brown smear across my forehead!

When I changed Captain Poopypant’s diaper before we left, I must have got some on my hand. I recall brushing my hair from my face before I washed my hands, so that’s probably how it got there.

ERMAGHERD! THAT’S WHY EVERYONE WAS LOOKING AT ME!

My daughter was supposed to be my wingman when it comes to stuff like this! Kids ALWAYS notice when you have crap on your face or a booger in your nose.

I certainly hope the people that we had encountered throughout the day didn’t actually recognize me from my TV appearance. I’m sure they’d be telling all their friends, “Yeah, I saw that chick from the news the other day today. She had poo on her face!”

This spark ignited into a flame as you got to know each other better. As you continue in your relationship, that flame bursts into a roaring fire. That is until…the kids come along.

Photo credit: The Sugar a Babies Online

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