Parents Won't Leave Kids These Days Alone

College is a special time in a teenager's life when he can leave mom and dad behind in order to smoke lots of weed in peace. But according to fake trendspotters, parents these days just can't let go! It's bananas.

In a story that somehow wound up on the front page of America's most respected newspaper today, the NYT reports that universities across the nation are beset not only by unmanageable hordes of freshmen toting dogs, but also by accompanying hordes of parents who simply refuse to leave campus—"At Colgate University in Hamilton, N.Y., a mother and father once went to their daughter's classes on the first day of the semester and trouped to the registrar's office to change her schedule."

So long story short, schools are politely asking parents to leave lest their kids be socially ostracized, just like they were in high school. This is in contrast to the olden days, when parents hated their kids and couldn't wait to never see them again.