I have decided to close The Relationship Forums.

It will be closing on April 1 2019, Australian Eastern Standard Time. This decision is based on a few factors... cost, member levels and activity, lack of ability to get advertisng on the site to help fund, sites like Reddit... There's not just no room for a forum any more.

As such, new registrations already closed a few weeks ago.

The site will be backed up and archived, and a single copy will be kept with me, in a password protected zip file to prevent data leak. I will not be selling the site, the site name, or the forums to anyone. ever. I respect your privacy.

If you want to remove your data before the end of March, please

1) click on your profile name in the top right hand corner of the home page
2) Click Edit Settings under your profile picture
3) Click on Privacy, the tab under "Back to Profile" (this URL may also work Click here to go to the privacy page
4) Untick "I agree to the Privacy Policy ..... If consent is withdrawn, this account will be deleted after 3 days"
5) Click Save.

This will then log you out. Don't log back in otherwise you will be re-granting consent. This will delete your user profile, posts, and all associated data (I'm told...)

I will NOT be responding to email requests after this date.

I'd like to offer a massive, heartfelt thank you, to everyone who has graced the site over the years, members gone and members present. You guys made this site a home for me for nearly 15 years, as well as the others from its inception, approximately 20 years ago.

The only place I will be looking for questions will be in the Site Feedback forum.

Unsure of how he feels about me

March 5th, 2018, 03:15 PM

So I met this guy over tinder about two months ago. We've been talking and seeing each other consistently. Even when I went off to college he comes visit me at least once a week (it's about an hour train ride). I was rather surprised, as I've never been in an actual relationship, and I'm used to one night stands and very casual flings with guys off of tinder. We get along really well and have practically the same type of humor. He still offers to pay for me, even after about two months of knowing each other. He's very respectable and is always willing to listen and help me work through my problems. He's also never cancelled plans on me, which I also found refreshing/new.

The problem is I don't know how he feels about me. He could also just be polite/trying to be a good friend in terms of talking to me (he's a very nice person in general). I'm also thinking I could just be "easy"- he told me that I was the only girl that he was able to get, so he might just be using me for companionship. I used to think he did all these things just for sex- but he never pushes sex on me and we've hung out and not had sex before. In fact I think I want to have sex with him more than he does with me and we do and see things with each other outside. I would think that he genuinely liked me, and he has brought up plans for the future (visiting him when he leaves, yesterday he even brought up marriage- saying that after college if we live close to each other we should marry, in a way that didn't suggest a joke, I'm even taking care of his pet while he's abroad), but he's keeping it strictly friends with benefits and never brought up the subject of a serious relationship, as he is also leaving in a few weeks to go to another country for the summer, then going off to college somewhere not close to me. I always get the feeling that he's checking out other girls when we're out and he still talks to a few even after he met me (he's recently re downloaded it) from Tinder. But I know I'm the only girl he's physically seeing right now.

So I don't know how he feels about me and what I am to him. I'd like to think I'm special but it just could be a mix of him being polite/the only girl that met up with him/him being kind of a romantic. Am I just a placeholder? A means for companionship? Any help in deciphering would be great!

Comment

If he likes you, he's not going to screw someone else. If you make him feel trapped by bringing up nonsense it will ruin the relationship. Seems like he likes his options open, so just give him time. Don't push a commitment talk, its been 2 months. Let him feel out how he feels himself. Making him commit is way worse than waiting for him to feel like he wants to commit. If youre scared then keep your options open.

Comment

If he likes you, he's not going to screw someone else. If you make him feel trapped by bringing up nonsense it will ruin the relationship. Seems like he likes his options open, so just give him time. Don't push a commitment talk, its been 2 months. Let him feel out how he feels himself. Making him commit is way worse than waiting for him to feel like he wants to commit. If youre scared then keep your options open.

S&Skitten really???
This is the second thread I've noticed you mention men feeling trapped???!
The men that feel trapped are not interested so it's in ones best interest to figure it out early?!

Op, this guy has shown zero interest in having a relationship with you.

He said you were the only girl he could "get"

He recently re downloaded a dating profile.

You are not officially dating yet he mentions marriage ( player)

You are minding his pet and think that means something??? All it means is that he has a free pet minder and just because he recognises your empathy for animals you assume it's committment???

Back to the point where you were the only girl he could "get " , his new found confidence after knock backs has motivated him to try again. He will be eternally grateful to you for opening your legs . Sorry!!!

Comment

S&Skitten really???
This is the second thread I've noticed you mention men feeling trapped???!
The men that feel trapped are not interested so it's in ones best interest to figure it out early?!

Op, this guy has shown zero interest in having a relationship with you.

He said you were the only girl he could "get"

He recently re downloaded a dating profile.

You are not officially dating yet he mentions marriage ( player)

You are minding his pet and think that means something??? All it means is that he has a free pet minder and just because he recognises your empathy for animals you assume it's committment???

Back to the point where you were the only girl he could "get " , his new found confidence after knock backs has motivated him to try again. He will be eternally grateful to you for opening your legs . Sorry!!!

Forget him!

Regarding "... the only girl he was able to get", it's taken out of context, so its impossible to determine if his intent was to offend. If he was saying it because its true, then that would be pretty dumb. I doubt he was sincere. His actions makes it seem like really likes her and that's what's important. Sometimes guys say dumb things.
It takes a long time to know someone and he's going away so waiting to see what happens makes sense. I don't think talking to girls on Tinder a crime, especially if she knows he's not physical with anyone else and he's not trying to hide it from her. There's not much of control she can have in the situation since he's leaving, so why not be optimistic?

Comment

Regarding "... the only girl he was able to get", it's taken out of context, so its impossible to determine if his intent was to offend. If he was saying it because its true, then that would be pretty dumb. I doubt he was sincere. His actions makes it seem like really likes her and that's what's important. Sometimes guys say dumb things.
It takes a long time to know someone and he's going away so waiting to see what happens makes sense. I don't think talking to girls on Tinder a crime, especially if she knows he's not physical with anyone else and he's not trying to hide it from her. There's not much of control she can have in the situation since he's leaving, so why not be optimistic?

SMH

OP, try to live in the real world and not the imaginary one S&S lives in.
I don't think this guy is good news. I agree fully with Sarah, Maggie and Rose.
You boosted his self esteem and now he's set out to discover who else he can 'get'.
Don't waste any more time on him.

1 like

Comment

He told you that you were the only girl he was able to get. A lot could change while he's away at college so it's premature for him to discuss marriage right now. You are his free pet sitter while he's abroad. How convenient and the price is right! He is keeping you strictly as friends with benefits. He enjoys his freedom. He never brought up the subject of a serious relationship? He's not serious with you. Then he'll be globe trotting within a few weeks and going to another country for the summer and after that, he's going off to college faraway from you. All negatives and you can read the writing on the wall. This relationship is a thumbs down. It's not going to work out. You are only temporary and he should be, too in your life.

Comment

Thanks for all the responses! I can see the general consensus is that he's sort of using me. I thought he might be different because of how he treated me compared to most other guys I've been with. I'm also sort of the type to fall for guys easily, so I can see how I've blinded myself. He could genuinely like me, but in the end, I know it's not going to work out regardless of how much we like each other. Probably going to break things off with him anyway.