We process emotional experiences both on our own and with others. Because we are social beings, the processing of events through sharing is an integral part of understanding, experiencing and ultimately healing from something disturbing. When we find ourselves “stuck” with something, it may be that we need to share our experience with another person to more fully process it. Finding someone suitable to listen to our stories can be a challenge.

Registered Clinical Counsellors, Psychotherapists, Psychologists are unique listeners. The type of listening that is necessary to process emotional content is not always available to us. The list below provides some important considerations when selecting your listener.

Choosing a Good Listener to Share Our Experiences and Emotions

Tips to Share Emotional Experiences

You may wish to find a listener with the following qualities or type of relationship with you…

Non-judgmental; accepting;

Able to listen without changing subject to talk about themselves;

Listening with a self-less intention;

Is able to separate his/her own concerns from yours – able to be somewhat objective

Trustworthy;

Able to maintain confidentiality or privacy;

Will not use the information shared against you … someday;

Will allow emotional responses – will not rush you to stop crying, or being angry;

Will provide helpful feedback or information without telling you what to do;

Will not be harmed by what you want to share (you may want to protect them and not share fully);

Will not use what you’ve shared for his/her personal gain;

Has your best interests at heart.

If you can find a listener with these qualities in your life, he/she may be able to assist you in the healthy processing of emotional experiences. One must consider the risks in processing traumatic events, there is a risk of increased distress, emotional disturbance, and mental health instability. Don’t hesitate to book a session with our experienced and qualified counsellors.

Key Components of Emotional Processing

There are some key components to healthy emotional processing.

The event you are concerned about may be coming up for you frequently.

You may think of this event often and find yourself upset.

Perhaps you are telling this story often, to everyone, but are still unable to “let it go”.

It is possible to have told it many times, yet still not have processed the content to the extent you require in order to release it.

Tips for the Healthy Processing of Mild Emotional Upset

This page contains some of the key components of processing experience with a quality listener.

Narrating or Telling the Story

Witnessing – having a quality listener witness you telling the story, witnessing the emotional impact

Narrating or Telling the story

This speaks to telling the story of the event that causes you concern. With your listener, listening attentively, and encouraging you to express the emotions you might feel while relaying the story.

Emotional Processing

Emotional processing is essentially encouraging and allowing the flow of emotions that come up regarding the description of the events that occurred. Often, the story is told without the emotional component – sort of an “automatic” or “surface level” telling. It important as a listener, to assist the speaker in this deeper level of emotional processing.

Please note that Counsellors do tend to be more skilled as listeners, able to observe responses and pose questions in specific ways designed to encourage processing at a deeper level.

At Sandstone, Catherine Cloutier has specialized training as a breath and relaxation therapist, hypnotherapist and yoga therapist. Body focused therapies make available, a deeper level of emotional processing that may not be available in pure talk therapies. Depending upon the nature of the concern, you might consider calling Sandstone Counselling Centre and booking a session with a trained Counsellor.

Witnessing – Someone Cares

Having a listener, or “witness” to the telling of the story is usually an absolutely essential component to healthy processing. People are social and having someone witness your pain, anguish, fury, sadness, disappointment, or any other emotion is essential.

This is why thinking over and over about something may not be enough to process it. It would work well for mundane or innocuous content, but when something is upsetting it usually requires more … a witness.

A caring, compassionate, and skilled listener can make all the difference in the world.

Please consider calling Sandstone Counselling Centre and booking a session with a trained and qualified counsellor to process events that are traumatic or disturbing.

Processing the Meaning of Our Emotions

Suggestions of Questions to Ask Ourselves

Processing the meaning and impact on your life. After an intense experience, people are often left with questions: What actually happened? Why did it happen? Could I have prevented this? What should I have, or could I have … done differently? Was it my fault? Did I contribute to this in some way? How can I prevent this? Will it happen again? Timeline Considerations to process the meaning of an event consider the past, present, and future: How you view your past in relation to the concern; The current meanings this event has on your present; What you see as the meaning in your future.

Cognitive or Intellectual Meaning

This is where persons begin to form personally constructed answers to the difficult questions that have come up as a result of the event.

Such as …

why?

what happened?

what could have been done to prevent it?

was it my fault?

how can I prevent it in the future?

Personal or Spiritual Meaning

This is the personal life meaning or spiritual meaning drawn from the experience, such as:

is there a larger purpose?

do things like this happen for a reason?

what do I believe?

what impact does this have on my spiritual or personal belief system?

Social Impact or Meaning

This is the impact on relationships in your life. The event may have involved others that you continue to have a relationship with … this invites processing the social impact of the event.