Prayer List

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Dr. Joshua Coleman in San Francisco specializes in family estrangement issues. I get updates and info by email regularly. Now and then, I like to share what he sends out, like this recent advice on writing a "letter of amends."

According to Dr. Coleman, the most important ingredients of a letter are:

Make
a fearlessly honest admission of your mistakes to your child. Leave out
the reasons, justifications, or any other detail that makes it sound
like he or she has no right to complain.

Express heartfelt empathy for how your child may have felt in response to your behavior.

Avoid
responding to your child's anger or sadness by defending yourself.
There are times to provide the reasons for your behavior or choices, but
not in the act of making amends.

Express gratitude to your child, both at the beginning and at the end of making amends, for taking the time to hear you out.

Let your child know that you are open to talking about this again whenever he or she wants in the future.

"I understand that some of you may have already tried to make amends," he says. "But
most of the time when people feel like they're written a good letter of
amends, they actually haven't. Not because they didn't want to. But
because it's really difficult to do!"

Please share...

...and we'll pray for you and your family (click on our Prayer List). Our goal with this blog is to be a positive place of inspiration. A refuge where you as hurting parents can find understanding. And–through Patrick's eyes and heart–a perspective on what your child is feeling as well.

Guideposts article

Your mother's story...

"But there’s a story behind everything. How a picture got on a wall. How a scar got on your face. Sometimes the stories are simple, and sometimes they are hard and heartbreaking. But behind all your stories is always your mother’s story, because hers is where yours begin."- Mitch Albom, One More Day (submitted by Gayle, a hurting mom)

Need a smile?

Wildscaping...

Our story

In 2002, I ended my first marriage and moved into another home with my daughter. My son, Patrick, stayed with his father. Deeply hurt by the divorce, Patrick didn't speak to me for two and a half years. Desperate to reconnect, I tried everything to reach out to him. Patrick, in his pain, refused my efforts. In December 2004, our relationship began to heal. By the time he graduated from high school in May 2005, we were mother and son again. In 2009, three hurting moms read a post I'd left on WritersWeekly.com in 2003 when I was so needing to talk to someone who understood my pain. Their letters inspired me to write–with Patrick's permission–our story for Guideposts magazine. The article, "Mom Interrupted," was published in November 2010. Several months later, one of those three mothers–after she asked if she could share our Guideposts story with other hurting parents–inspired me to move further in the ministry that Patrick and I share. Once more, I asked for my son's permission, and Patrick graciously again said yes. So here we are, "Broken Bonds, Healing Hearts."