I'm a transgender girl happily on a journey to looking better, being more feminized and overcoming adversity. Whether in your teens or way beyond, if you’re a transgender girl, this is for you. Like an embassy in a hostile land, this is the place to gain strength, to get empowering information and to belong. I made this place based on what I've learned; I hope it helps you. Welcome home.

Monthly Archives: April 2014

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Feminized speech has nine separate elements, and it’s daunting to learn them all, especially in combination. Yet, relearning how to speak as a girl is a key part of transitioning successfully, i.e., from being a girl who sounds like a guy, to being better-integrated instead.

I’ve been struggling with this issue, and I recently had an “aha” moment. Here’s what I learned:

Guys tend to separate words by putting spaces between them, audibly. That tends to make for choppy speech. Example: “the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog” would be enunciated like that, spaces and all. Guys also tend to de-emphasize consonants, especially at the ends of words or syllables, so the effect is more of a mumble, so the phrase might in an extreme example be enunciated as: “the quig brow faw jum oh the lazy daw”.

Girls tend to omit spaces between words so that the words all run together. That tends to make for flowing speech. Example: “thequickbrownfoxjumpsoverthelazydog” would be enunciated like that, with no spaces. Girls also tend to emphasize consonants, especially at the ends of words or syllables, with the effect that words and syllables are delineated as such, so the phrase might in an extreme example be enunciated as: “thequicKbrowNfoXjumpSoveRthelaZydoG.” Imagine the last consonant of a syllable such as the “G” in “doG” being emphasized as if the heel of a stiletto were planted down firmly and ground into the floor a little.

As to enunciating better, I still have a long way to go, but the understanding of this particular principle has helped me a lot.

My romantic partner has wisely suggested that I think of male speech as if written in printed lettering, and female speech as if written in cursive. That was very useful!

A friend of mine asked if I will go for a “full transformation”, if I have not already done so (meaning: surgery ‘down there’).

My reply (essentially):

Intellectual clarity tends to stand or fall based on the quality of the definitions used.

The difference between a transgender girl and a cross-dresser is fundamental. Both might have male plumbing and might look nice, dressed as a girl — but their brain structures are on the opposite sides of the gender fence. One is fundamentally a girl, and one is a guy. The gender identity for each person is based on the respective brain wiring. The person’s plumbing doesn’t play a role in the determination.

Normally, male plumbing means male hormones including in the brain, hence male brain wiring. But, the cause of a transgender girl is that during fetal development, a split occurred and the brain development never switched to male (initially, very early on, all fetal development is female).

That has been the hardest thing for me (and others) to come to grips with: that what I see in the mirror, below the belt … it doesn’t define gender.

The shape of the reproductive system has been basic to the historic, intuitively reasonable-seeming, superficial definition. It’s popular with folks who prefer simple answers. Their premise is: “if you have male-shaped private parts, you’re a guy.”

The “based on brain structure” definition makes more sense only when carefully pondered.

It’s sort of like the controversy about the shape of the earth. It certainly doesn’t look like a ball, from a superficial perspective. The flat-earth premise is the historic, intuitively reasonable, superficial one. And yet, when carefully pondered. the scale tips in favor of the round-earth premise.

Applying the better definition, I’m fully a girl, whether or not I have male-shaped private parts.

Being female isn’t something I’ll finally attain 100% after surgery ‘down there.’ Female is what I am, 100%, and have been every day since my life began.

Surgery ‘down there’ is simply something that I can choose to add to the mix, or not. I happen to have the size and shape of private parts about which many past romantic partners (which means: all females) have said nice things, and my current romantic partner has explained to me that me going for surgery ‘down there’ would be like painting over the Mona Lisa just so as to have a clean canvas on which to do a new painting.

In addition to her argument, there are other considerations: the flavor of surgery that I’d choose (the Suporn technique) requires a month-long stay in Thailand, costs close to $20K, and is dangerous while the surgery is being done.

Then, there are other risks too. A friend of mine is a gorgeous transgender girl and she got ‘the surgery’ done, so now from every angle her shape is basically female, by any standard. She has no lack of people who are enthused to bang her like a cheap tin drum, and she has enthusiastically embraced such advances. In the process, she has put more stress on her new body part than it was designed (literally) to handle, so it tore and got infected. She spent a long time in the hospital, and she very nearly died.

Would I be able to exercise better self-control? Probably not.

So, having a V instead of a P isn’t simply an all-benefits proposition for a transgender girl, even if the requests from one’s P-happy romantic partner were left out of the decision.

There’s also the question of orgasmic pleasure. The way I am right now, I can, um, experience it from both ends. Were the front part removed, then my hope would be that the nerves get rerouted to where the new arrangement can still yield orgasm. But, will it really? Will it feel as good? And, what if it doesn’t? There’s no “undo” button for that surgery.

Also, that surgery removes the testicles and due to that, a switch to female hormones becomes essential. That sort of thing has to be precisely managed. Badly managed hormones can cause massive weight gain, brittle bones or (quite often) death. I have had too many conversations with guys who had a transgender girlfriend who went on female hormones and alas, now she’s dead. That development is mentioned with a “yeah, it happens a lot” sort of premise that is almost casual. That scares me.

Besides, my current hormone situation costs me $0 per day. I get a perfect blend of hormones from my brain and privates, as they are today. And, I can look feminine enough even so (not least thanks to modern-day aesthetic facial surgery, yay!)

There’s a Russian artist named Dmitrys who draws adult-materialsexy characters who are simultaneously gorgeous girls and yet their privates definitely have a male shape. Such girls are called “Futanari” or “Futa.”

As the years go by, that look might well become accepted socially as one more type of people, in everyday culture. Right now, however, I don’t think the culture in America (including the small town where I live) is quite ready for a tall, leggy blonde with a curvy ass — and a bulge ‘down there.’

I actually see a lot of merit to that look being public, though. One of the problems we see in transgender subculture is that a straight guy is afraid (as in homophobically afraid) that he might boff a hot girl and then later find out that the girl is a transgender girl. By his convoluted homophobic premises, that then makes the guy gay and that’s all the transgender girl’s fault and so the transgender girl ends up murdered.

I much prefer the premise of telling folks early on in sexual or social engagements that a transgender girl is a transgender girl, myself included. However, if the issue announces itself with a bulge in one’s jeans, that tends to make the issue clear right up front with no need for a formal announcement.

Logically: if a transgender girl exists, that means: there exists a person with a female brain (and female cultural looks, to the extent she can make that happen). And, she has male-shaped privates. Under clothes, such body parts tend to make a bulge. A combination of facts shouldn’t add up to something that’s socially objectionable. And yet, such are the social norms, today.

So, as I venture out in the world, when I’m going to wear tight clothing in public, I often prepare my privates by using duct tape to keep things, um, in line. And, if it’s ever necessary to speak up so as to avoid confusion, I tell folks that I’m a transgender girl.

Fortunately, I’m tall enough and muscular enough with large enough hands and feet, and a male-enough jawline and brow line. So, it’s pretty apparent to most folks that there’s some maleness somewhere. I used to dislike my male-looking aspects, but now I realize that it saves me from having to tell guys “thank you for hitting on me, but before we proceed it’s important for you to know that my privates are male-shaped so if you’re enthused about transgender girls then why yes, thank you, I do accept your social invitation.”

So, to come back to your question: I still have a male-shaped privates and yet I’ve already accomplished as full a transformation as basically possible, courtesy of Mother Nature: my brain is female.

But, I have some male-shaped body aspects: my privates, large hands and large feet. Surgery might or might now be able to feminize each of these to an extent that makes sense. So, I’ll never be able to look like a genetically integrated girl. By that standard, I’ll never be able to transition fully. In that sense, really, no transgender can. Even if she achieved external feminization 100% then she’d still have XY or XXY chromosomes at the cellular level. So she’d also have to have gene therapy so as to transition fully.

So, the “transition fully” in an absolute sense is non-viable for a transgendergirl. What remains are simply a set of decisions as to how much of an aesthetically female look it makes sense for her to accomplish by funding surgery.

Regardless, she’s a girl as to her brain structure, so based on the better definition, she’s fundamentally a girl, 100%. Surgery to reshape her private parts is in the same category as surgery to make her Adam’s apple go away, or to make her hands or her feet smaller. It doesn’t “complete” her.

It was hard for me to come out, as being a transgender girl, to my family and friends. One of the people whose reaction I was worried about was my step-daughter. I’d helped raise her since she was 12 and by now she is a lovely and successful young adult. Ironically, she even looks like me: blonde, relatively tall, brown eyes. Her bio-mom is lovely but is relatively short, and has blue eyes.

Ironically, even as I was struggling to figure myself out, my step-daughter had apparently done so already. As her step-parent and officially male at the time, I never got a Father’s day card from her, but I always got “assistant mom” cards on Mother’s day.

Seems to me she had me figured out several years before I did. So, when I finally announced I’m transgender she didn’t seem surprised and simply wished me success in whatever makes me happy. 🙂

I plan to move to Las Vegas more formally, and rent a nice place there and build my businesses (in Northern and Southern Nevada both) and pay off some financial debt.

During that time, I plan to lose some weight (whatever little body fat I still have, plus some muscle so that I don’t look unfemininely bulky).

After that, I plan to get facial surgery so I have less of a rugged jawline, and less of a male brow. Probably some other minor facial reshaping is in order then, too.

I really don’t like looking so male that some guys call me “sir.” It feels awkward for me to correct them. If I look male enough to them then it’s for me to go do a better job of looking more female, if I wanna be recognized as such. And, I do.

Once I look like that, I’ll probably treat myself to a lovely pair of DDD boobies. I have very prominent lower ribs so whatever I get needs to be large enough to cover these ribs and to use them as a sort of shelf and foundation.

Right now, when I choose clothing, anything with a cleavage-revealing cut does me no good, and it’ll be nice to be able to wear nice clothing like that.

Besides, the ample-breasted, long-legged, round-assed pretty blonde is a look I personally like so I’ll be able to get my aesthetic kicks by simply looking in the mirror. I would like that. It’s sort of like buying a nice car to look at, at will, instead of having to hope that one will drive by.

I spend so much time in Las Vegas that I basically live there but I don’t rent a place as yet, by the month — so I rent places by the night. Ideally, I like to stay at places where I have some reason to suspect my car will still be there the next morning, so I shop slightly about the bottom rung of the price ladder. Some amazing deals can be had for less than $100 per night, but I like to make sure the place is nice in person before I book it online. This is one example: the Aston Montelago. I went to inspect it. I loved it.

I went to inspect the pool area, too. By the pool stood a small group of teenage girls, and as I approached, I clearly became the the subject of the conversation even though I couldn’t make out what they were saying.

A funny thing happened: I felt good.

In the past, I might have cringed or felt self-conscious. But, by now I feel good enough about myself that I assumed they were saying something nice about me, instead. And indeed, they were. Eventually, one of the girls came over and complimented the particular color-and-clothing combination I was wearing: And, that felt very, very nice.

A Facebook friend, learning about my journey, commented that he hoped my parents and relatives are supportive.

My reply:

My sister and my step-mom have been, and are, 100% wonderful. My bio-mom …. that has been a very difficult road.

At several points, the relationship with her basically collapsed due to this issue. It got rebuilt every time on healthier new assumptions but she still struggles with the issue, and it makes the interaction awkward.

For example, when someone cancels a business appointment with me then even though they provide a reasonable explanation and they reschedule for only a few days’ hence, my mom automatically assumes they’re lying and the real reason is because they feel uncomfortable with me being a t-girl. So, even though she tries hard, her internal concerns tend to shine through.

My dad had passed away by the time I’d realized what was going on, but somehow I suspect he’d always known what was going on. As I think back, I recall many little cues he’d given me such as that it was an OK thing to sit and pee if that’s what I preferred.

I can avoid folks who say “you’re transgender and weird, I don’t like you” and those who barely tolerate me, without becoming a recluse because I’m surrounded by some really cool people, and so the theme of those friendships is “hey, you being a trans girl is actually really cool.”

For example, I look fairly girly already but I am tall and I have a lot of upper body strength and that has come in handy, on occasion.My arms get a lot of compliments.

Even though I’m a girl I understand guy culture deeply because I studied it so well, trying to blend in. I can culturally connect deeply with girls (as a girl) and with guys (who tend to connect with me guy-on-guy, not that I prefer this but it’s their preference).

My romantic partner keeps reminding me of some in-bed benefits too, and her arguments do, um, have a point.

Career-wise I avoided the glass ceiling since I rose in business on the assumption that I’m a guy so by the time I came out, it was from a position of power where I owned the company and had a lot of bargaining clout with vendors, customers etc.

As I understand the Kinsey scale, sexual attraction varies from being totally straight to totally gay with many variations in between.

Transgender girls are no exception to that. Some of us are totally straight (brain-wise, a girl attracted only to guys), some of us are totally gay (brain-wise, a girl attracted only to girls) and some of us are bi.

Personally, I happen to be bisexual. Sexually I’m mostly attracted to girls but to a lesser extent I’m also attracted to guys.

[I’m a “4” on the Kinsey scale: “Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual”].