Children To Be Encouraged To Swear At Queen

A report commissioned by PM Gordon Brown on British citizenship says that children leaving school should be encouraged to swear at the Queen, but, for obvious reasons, they should avoid the C-word.

The author, Lord Goldsmith, says it would give teenagers an enormous sense of 'belonging', and one of 'having got one over on the Royal Family'.

Many children, as well as most adults, view the Queen with suspicion and hate, due to her massive annual allowances at the taxpayer's expense. One such taxpayer, the Queen's sister, EastEnders pub landlady Barbara Windsor, said:

"That caaaaah!. S'a disgrayce, innit? Furty grand a day she gets. S'almost as much as that David Beckham!"

Schoolchildren, themselves, were quick to respond to the news. Pupils at the prestigious St Ne'erdowell's Grammar School in St Albans were in favour of the idea. One of them, Marcus Stabbe, 15, said:

"I'd swear to the Queen. I'd die for her. Actually, I'm dying for a bag of chips."

His classmate, 'Dodger' Davies, studying to be a career dole cheat, remarked:

"I swear my allegiance to the Queen, and the wonderful Welfare Benefits system she oversees."

Not everbody is in agreement though. Comedian Mike Spilligan commented:

"They expect kids to swear an oath of allegiance to the Queen, but it's about time the country sorted itself out and did something for the kids."

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