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Do we still have to call them the “Secret Service” if everyone knows about them and can easily identify them? Considering they let random, un-invited people into Presidential functions, are they even performing

Don't even worry about fitness, they accept old fat guys too. They absorb bullets easier.

the “Service” portion of their title anymore? Hilariously, you can even go to www.secretservice.gov and click “Who We Are” under the “About” tab, and presumably learn … who … they … are? Isn’t that a secret too? Also, don’t worry about being approached by a man in a trenchcoat in a dark alley one night who recruits you and makes yo give up your identity to join the service… all you have to do is click under the “Employment” tab. Methinks this program is in need of a revamp…

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In a health-conscious age, What in the world was A&W thinking, calling some of their poultry items “Chubby Chicken”? That’s right up there with calling your joint “Fatburger”, which I just learned, is partially owned by Queen Latifah. Follow up with your own joke, if you can connect the dots. There’s a couple of talent agents out there that need to be punched in the face for giving their clients the ol’ “No press is bad press” routine.

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Is it interesting to anyone else that after years of TV, radio and newspaper reporters hunting down stories, embellishing reports, and generally burying people to get their piece in print or on the evening news; that these very same news outlets are going under with the rest of the economy, and are looking for their federal governments to bail them out with the tax money they collect from the very same people that they slander (To be fair, of course their are many outlets that report correct, informative and unbiased material) The very politicians they’re requesting funds from probably take some of the worst of it all. Should we let them just fade away? Probably not; but that’s not to say it wouldn’t be justified in some cases.

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Does it infuriate anyone else when they go into an elevator, select their desired floor, press the “door close” button ( –> <–), and the door DOESN’T CLOSE?!?!? What in the world is the function of this button if it doesn’t perform the only logical duty its pictorial reference indicates? Why install a button to tease people? Is there a guy hiding in the rafters keeling over laughing every time someone presses the button and gets mildly annoyed while they have to wait for the elevator door to close on its own?

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For a culture that has been fuelled on paranoia of criminal activity for so long, there are at least 2 situations that seem to be impenetrable by fear of bad things happening.

First, the airport. No, we’re still afraid of terrorists hijacking planes, BUT we sure don’t seem too worried about our luggage, do we? We haphazardly bring it up to the agent, weigh it, tag it, drop it off like a first-grader at school, and send it on its way through that little door out to the back; and then trust that no one in a group of hundreds will steal our bags when we get to our destination and they come falling down the chute and onto a rotating conveyor belt that anyone can easily snag without question from an authority. Usually, you get your bags; but we absolutely throw a tantrum when we don’t. I do think the system moves luggage from a to b faster than a formal bag identification system would; but it’s at least interesting that we’ve allowed airlines to handle our possessions in this way for so long and never made much of a scene about it, isn’t it?

Second, the ski-resort outdoor ski/snowboard rack. You’re up on a very public hill with hundreds of other people, you stop for lunch or some other reason, and prop your plenty expensive skis or board up against the rack; unlocked, without a care in the world. You come back and hope that no one’s rode off with your $800 board and $500 bindings, or similarly priced ski stuff. Seems to work though, I’ve still got all my stuff.

How many times have we all made a call, had that person not answer, and then heard the following rhetoric:

“_____________(arbitrary name/number)” is not available. At the tone, please record your message. When you are finished recording, you may hang up, or press # for more options. To leave a callback number that you can be reached at, press 5.”

I typed that straight from memory. I’ve heard it nearly a million times. Are we still at the point as people, nearly all of us carrying cell phones, that we still need instructions as to what to do when someone doesn’t answer the phone? Is the leaving of a message procedure so complex that we still require recorded instructions to remind us of the correct protocol? How many people are hanging on like idiots after completing their message, unsure as to what the next step is?

“Well, there, I said everything I need to say. I suppose I’ll just stay on the line now. Yeah, that seems reasonable. I’m sure he’ll be along in no time.”

Do we actually need to be reminded to hang up when we are finished our message?

“Oh, the lady said I could hang up when I’m done, right. Wow, she sure was helpful. I don’t know how I would’ve got through this without her.”

And who needs to press # for more options? What other options do you need after leaving a voicemail? Were you hoping to engage in a game of Tetris, or learn a new casserole recipe or something? You called to talk to the person, they weren’t there, you left a message… what else is there to perform? [note: you can go back and re-record if you weren’t happy with your message, what is this, an audition do-over?]

Has anyone actually ever left a callback number? Has anyone ever had a call back number left for them? Don’t we usually just cover this in the voicemail?

I just think this is one spot where we don’t need our hands held; if answering machines have been around since the 30’s, and voicemail has been around the 70’s… at this point, if we can’t figure it out, we shouldn’t be allowed to use it.

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Am I the only one who gets the urge to jump on the baggage carousel at the airport, and ride it through the little car wash door, and see where it goes? Surely, it just goes around in a circle, but can you imagine the look at the baggage slingers’ faces when a person came back out at them?

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Making the bed is the multi-seasonal, and sometimes daily, pointless activity equivalent of raking leaves. Name me 2 other activities that you could potentially do everyday for the rest of your life, and not make any progress. At least in the leaves case, a tree only has so many, and there are only so many trees, and you only have to deal with it once a season. But you’ve got one bed, and its got sheets, and it’s going to get messed up, without fail, Every. Single. Day. How many people are you bringing through your bedroom anyway, that would judge your character on the organizational status of your bed? Are these the people you want to be around, anyways?

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