I don't really like the word blog, but it seems pointless to fight it, Zis is a blog.
If you want to know more about an Algerian girl who lives in London and struggles with thoughts that are beyond the remits of her understanding, stories of society and social climbers of love and deception and of a status of seemingly eternal singlehood, then you are in the right place...

Thursday, 24 September 2009

32 and yet still single…The London issue!

Life continues to be thrilling and fun, work somewhat dwindling due to the market situation, love life completely deserted, social scene: exhilarating, wardrobe completely saturated with designer items in an attempt to compensate shortcomings on other departments, mood swings off the chart and the weight is uncontrollable. What a girl to do?

Female congregation I partook in recently led me to conclude that London is what we all had in common, London is the single mens town ergo the single gals town, thrilling social scene, exhilarating London life, plentiful eye candy for both sexes, high flying busy jobs, all these are factors actively contributing to the unavailability, lack of time and also trust, making the masses of London town chronically single.

Singles looking, matches.com, singles events, speed-dating, meet London singles, single and mingle…wherever you look you see some kind of advert broadcasting this issue and pretending to offer solutions. The truth is these solutions are not everybody’s first choice, Internet dating is still very much seen as desperate and speed dating as the end of romance.
So again I ask: what a girl to do?

Do we resume ourselves to being single?

Women are typically more affected by this issue mainly due to the age factor, body clock and fierce competition from other female hunters; and because women spend the most and the best of their child-baring years with emotionally unavailable men whose sole purpose is to remain single and free despite pseudo-relationships they may or may not form with hopeful and probably naïve women.

Men have always been intrigued by what women discuss when between themselves, if they had the chance to, they would see panic and desperation in some, distress and anguish in others but mostly anger, anger about their situation which in time becomes a resolution to make the most of their singledom and success.

Women’s careers steadily become important parts of their lives, they study, work and strive to achieve an outstanding social and financial status, and this usually takes part between the mid twenties and late thirties, which should we follow the norms, also represents the female’s best period for child bearing or starting a family, most strive to achieve both to the best of their abilities, but it’s a struggle that women have to face alone it seems. It’s almost as though men want to push women to their limits, proving that they (women) cannot achieve both a successful career and a family, women’s careers then hit a systematic downgrade with pregnancy and maternity leave, leaving place to male colleagues who do not have that burden. The knowledge of this discourages women from child bearing resulting therefore in increasing numbers of (older) single girls or a higher rate of divorce.

Another factor contributing to the rise in single girls number in London is the female competition which has become rife in the last few years, it seems there is so much choice for men, blondes, brunettes, party girls, working girls, beauties and cuties, all races and all nationalities, all eager to find a man, who in turn become fastidious players, resulting in the average girls absolute demise and imposed singledom.

Which brings us to another point of focus: Desperation, desperation engenders settling, settling for anybody to avoid loneliness, which then leads to discontent, commitment issues, deception, infidelity, separation, divorce and many unhappy endings which takes us right back to singledom again, singledom that is tainted with emotional trauma and financial problems on top of the social stigmas attached to divorce and older single girls.

Now you might say why London. This problem is not specific to London only, in a general manner yes, by my personal investigations of counterparts in France or the US etc proved otherwise; women do not seem to face the same issue, in the US the dating etiquette proposes that a man should propose marriage if he dates a women for more than a year, dating is a national sport in the US, people occupy themselves with dating until they meet the right person, which implies the reluctance to being single. In France men and women seem to be keen on marring fairly young, the average and accepted age for marriage is 27, marriage is first on the agenda and quick to come by it seems, people tend to be in relationships, being single is not very well regarded. As for London, the fact that it is such a melting pot of cultures and an intensely cosmopolitan city, a career stop spot for most people, means that people do not tend to think about it as home but rather as a temporary base that is necessary for their career development or studies, English lessons or Travel base as is the case for a lot of antipodeans, if it is a temporary base then not many couples tend to form, dating becomes useless and people are more reluctant to form relationships, leaving therefore a large community of people single and looking.

So there you have it: until further news – I and a about 5 million women remain single in London….

hey !! ...don't take it bad ...but there is a reason if God ask the man be the provider ....i don't say women shouldn't work or study ...i say it shouldn't be her main goal ....because obviously it's impossible to have a career and a successful marriage and family ...it's nature !! and there is nothing we can do about ! Tu chasses le naturel ....il revient au galops .there is also another issue...but some might accuse me of being old fashion ...so i keep it to my self ....outlaw ;)

I think competition is more rife in New York, where the most beautiful women in the states and the world go to find success in acting and other arty fields. Of course most of them end up being in completely low paid jobs that they never wanted to do.The same fundamentals drive London,inarguably the land of oppotunities,and the Mecca for all Europeans, especially with the removal of barriers visa-vi Eastern Europe, something that pissed off British women the most first.

Honestly, if a man is really picky in London, long term, the choice is really limited.

I agree with you however, as a young man London is the perfect place to get it out of your system.But coming fom someone who has been there and has outrageously done it: Maydoum gheer essah.

Thanks James! I always looked at Speed dating as a little desperate (it isn't of course it's just me) and though I can see the fun in it, I just can't bring myself to do it, not even the charity fundraisers ones!Will just keep NOT looking and hope for the best ;)

I totally agree, London is definitely not the place to find potential longterm relationships. I am a newly single Algerian professional living in Surrey, I have been looking to seriously date Algerian males but only seem to come across men in their 30's who are too busy with their careers otherwise they seem to prefer younger women in their 20's that they bring back from home...

"and because women spend the most and the best of their child-baring years with emotionally unavailable men whose sole purpose is to remain single and free despite pseudo-relationships they may or may not form with hopeful and probably naïve women"

This is the big point which you, and many other single women your age, overlook too much in your "woe is me" diatribes; the smarter, more self-restrained, less naïve women use their most attractive years to bag a good long-term mate, which was probably more boring at the time than screwing around in a series of fun, dead-end relationships. Now the tables have turned and you'd rather be in their shoes. You can't always have your cake and eat it...

Great blog! Some great points definitely, but I would have to disagree with you when it comes to America! Not to use movies as real life xamples, but if Sex and The City were any indication of the situation here, it's definitely the opposite of what you described! We're not talking rednecks who marry at 16 we're talking urban population from big cities! The tard above me obviously doesn't know what they're talking about, and they seem a little bitter! Anyways I enjoyed reading some of your blog posts! Especially about your gay boss, and how sometimes minorities think they're exempt from offending other minorities!- Algerian Celebrities (check out page on Facebook) I'm doing a shoutout 2 your blog