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Bo Xilai escapes

BEIDAHE (China Daily Show) – Disgraced politician Bo Xilai has escaped captivity, according to a story in TheNew York Times, an overseas newspaper which often makes claims about China that are difficult to verify.

The Times says that the charismatic Politburo member sensed the writing on the wall, executing his plan during a friendly prison ping-pong tournament against a rival North Korean gulag.

During practice sessions, Bo oversaw the construction of a tunnel underneath the stadium, with the entire team planning to make their daring escape midway through the games.

But with the score at 1,654-1 and everything still to play for at half-time, captain Liu Zhijun made an impassioned half-time speech in the team changing-rooms, urging the rest of the players to get back on the tables and finish their matches.

Liu then argued that the moral justice of an honest sporting victory would far outweigh the sweet taste of freedom, to which Bo is alleged to have replied, “Oh, please – fuck that.”

Despite having full use of his sight, Bo scaled a wall, fell, tripped and stumbled 72 times before finally losing his way during the 500-metre dash to where a roadside motorcycle awaited to whisk him to safety.

After overshooting his destination by two miles, Bo eventually backtracked and took a night bus to Tianjin.

A backroom deal is now believed to be in the works, wherein Bo might be granted asylum in Ecuador in exchange for no more stories appearing about him in the media again, ever. Newspaper readers and analysts are said to be delighted at the news.