Message Boards

Topic : Having a Baby Has Changed My Life

From bliss to total chaos, having a baby can change your life in many ways. Share your personal experience of how a baby has changed your life.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

Having a Baby Has Changed My Life

I am a twenty-eight year old mother of a two year old daughter. When I found out that I was pregnant in the Summer of 2003, I was devistated. I wanted a baby so bad, but I was no where close to being where I wanted to be in my life. I was six months away from graduating paramedic school, my fiance did not have a job, I was still living at home and I had about another 4 years of school left. I had a plan... I was going to finish my masters in nursing, get married, buy a house, then have a baby. But, obviously things just did not work out like that. I cried and cried when I found out, I was so disappointed in myself, I felt like I let everyone especially myself down. But, all that changed the minute I saw her on ultrasound and then I heard the most beautiful sound in the entire world... her heartbeat. That was it I was gone. Once everything sunk in and I realized that I was really pregnant and really going to have a baby, I got really excited. I really could not control my excitment when I found out I was having a girl... I always wanted a little girl. As soon as I found I went to Babies R Us and spent $200 on lots and lots of pink clothes. Little did I know that I would be having her early and all those beautiful clothes would hang in the closet for months and months. As time passed I got more and more excited even when I was sick as a dog, I was still excited and could not wait to meet my little princess. At 33 weeks due to complications from gastric lap banding I had my little princess, Sarah, on Feb 07, 2004 at 0449 and no one was there to share my joy... it was me and her and about 5 nurses. That was the start of a love that I never knew existed. I have never in my entire life been so in love with someone like I am with her. Not only am I in love with her but I like her as well. Parents share such a special bond with there child that you never understand until you have a child of your own. My little monster... um I mean princess is now two years old and I am still just as much in love with her as the day I saw her on the ultrasound. She makes me so happy, I never in a million years could have even imagined how much I could love her. She makes my heart burst with joy on a daily basis. Especially when she hears me coming home in the morning, all I have to do is rattle my keys just a bit and she comes running to hug me and tell me hello. She is the light of my life. I cry at commericals now that talk about having a baby ...like the Johnson and Johnson's commericals that say having a baby changes everything. It truly does. My life has never been so complete. She makes me the happiest I have ever been. For something that I never planned or expecited to happen, it has been such an incredible expereince. I can not begin to put in to words... it is an expereince that you just have to experience in order to get the full understanding.

Oh did it change my life

Little background first. When I was 15 I was told I would never be able to conceive, then again at 21. So I thought I would never have children. 2003 I was going through a bad divorce and I met this great man. Christman 2004 I found out I was pregnant. We both never expected this and were shocked. We were actually broken up when we found out. I knew that this would change my life for ever but I wanted this baby more then anything in my life. So August of 2005 she came into our lives. Now before she was born we both decided that I would stay home with her since that was how both of us were raised. Well it was fine the first couple months, but then issues started to happen. Mainly money issues, but other things as well. I started to feel trapped in my own home. I couldn't go any where or do anything anymore like I used to. Just going to the store ment planning. I knew this was part of it, but I thought I would have help. My boyfriend can't be left alone with her for more then an hour or he freaks out. And when I do get home he thrusts her at me and says here take her. He won't hold her more then 15 mins when I am home, he never plays with her without me telling him to. It's a mess and I feel like the other lady said that he his just a babysitter. I feel trapped to my daughter and this is not what I expected would happen when I had her. I love her and she is my world and I hate feeling this way. I just wish he would help a little. I know he works full time but it seems his computer is more important then his family. I love him and I know he loves her. But like that lady said it seems that they can take the time to show them off but when it comes to the dirty work mom is there.

I love my daughter

I got pregnant 3 weeks after my husband and I got married. It was the most amazing thing in the world. I was on birth control also so I look at it as a miracle. Seeing her heartbeat on the ultrasound when she was 7 weeks old...... it was beautiful. She is my gift from God. My life is totally different now. I live for her. My husband and I are second now.

my son, my world

hi i'm a 21 year old single mother ..having my son was the best gift god has ever given me...it literally changed my direction in life...the father has never seen him and that is how i want it...however at one time i thought i would let him but he never followed through which i think is for the best...i want to tell my son that his dad died heroicly...or would like it even more if i met someone who could be his father....his biological dad really has no redeeming qualities and has never been able to stay out of jail ,tell the truth, care about anyone other than himself and more importantly will never change...i struggle with what actually would be the right thing to do or say....

this might help

hi i'm a 21 year old single mother ..having my son was the best gift god has ever given me...it literally changed my direction in life...the father has never seen him and that is how i want it...however at one time i thought i would let him but he never followed through which i think is for the best...i want to tell my son that his dad died heroicly...or would like it even more if i met someone who could be his father....his biological dad really has no redeeming qualities and has never been able to stay out of jail ,tell the truth, care about anyone other than himself and more importantly will never change...i struggle with what actually would be the right thing to do or say....

Dear Ladyluck,

My sister had a similiar situation happen to her. She had a baby boy and when she came home from the hospital, her apartment was emptied out by her husband and the babies father. He took everything. Luckily my mother was there and had her and the baby come live with us. She finally got on her own 2 feet again and got her own place about 10 minutes away from us. Eventually, her husband came calling back. She took him back in but soon found out, he was nothing but trouble: a complete dead beat dad! He found himself in jail for drinking and driving MANY times. Now, my nephew is much older. He knows the truth about his dad. He knows what his dad did. My sister found that having him know the truth was better them him knowing a lie. Because of this, my nephew makes the decision of if he wants to see his dad or not. He really does not want to though.

I think him knowing the truth about his dad was hard for him to take in but he handeled it. He definetly does no lack love in his life which made it alot easier for him. Whatever decision you decide to make...... if you do tell him the truth about his dad, just make sure you surround him with lots of love.

And also, never give up on meeting someone. My sister is now married to a wonderful man and loves my nephew very much. Her husband now fills the void of the father figure in his life.

hello

I am 18 years old and I have a son that is 15 months old. I became pregnant with him when I was barely 16. I was terrified and depressed because i had no idea what I was going to do. My sons father and I decided that we could do this and that we were going to raise our child. So as time went on, I became more and more excited about having a child. Almost a month before my son was born my boyfriend and I moved in together and thats when I realized what he was really like. He wasn't the person that I thought he was. We had been dating for like a year and a half before I became pregnant and all that time he was pretending to be someone that he wasn't. I was scared because I didn't know what to do, he was really the only person I could depend on, so like a stupid teenager I decided to stay and deal with the problems and try to work things out for the sake of my child. That's when things got really bad, he became so controlling and manipulative he made me feel like I was nothing, like I didn't exist in his world. On the very few times we went out as a couple, he acted like he was embarassed of me because I was pregnant. I felt so dirty and ashamed because if he looked at me that way who else did? So as the last few months of my pregnancy went on, I just tried to remind myself that I would be having a child soon and I had to learn to act more mature and try my best to be the mother that my son deserves. Finally, that special day came and I went into labor at my best friends house. I just remember being so scared out of my mind I had no idea what to do, but my friends mother was there and she helped me a lot. My boyfriend didnt get there until we were on our way to the hospital. He was with his friends and didnt want to be bothered until it was almost time to have our son. He told me he hated me and that I was a b. Words cant describe how much that hurt me. I couldn't believe that he could say that to me when I was in labor with his child!! So after 24 hours of labor, 3 hrs of pushing, 4 epidurals that didn't work finally I had my angel baby by C-Section. I was really drugged up so I can't really remember seeing him for the 1st time, but I can remember his beautiful cry. it was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. I finally started to get a clear head about an hour after the birth and that's when I finally got to hold my son. He was beyond beautiful, he looked up at me and it was like an instant connection, he knew I was his mother and I knew he was my son. It was the best day of my life. I love my son in so many different ways, he is the best thing that has ever happend to me. If it wasn't for him, I don't know where I would be. He is my angel baby.&nbsp

Hello.I was 17 when I get my firsth baby boy.my boy is now 19month and second baby is 4month.
I would you like to write with me?e-mail is haukka118@hotmail.com

age doesn't make it easier.

I married three days after my 32 birthday. I had planned on never marrying and so had my husband.. but we found each other and that was the end of that. Six months after our marriage I discovered I was pregnant (We had also both decided that we didn't want a family) I booked myself into a clinic for an abortion because I didn't feel that the timing was right. I've never been an overly emotional person but I found I couldn't stop crying the week prior to the proceedure. In the end I couldn't go through with it and my wonderful husband supported me. We now have a beautiful 14 month old baby girl who is the light of both of our lives.

It didn't start out that way though. I was terrified. I had never paid attention when my sister and friends had kids because I truly believed that that would never happen to me. I was worried sick throughout my whole pregnancy.. would I be a good mother... would I know what to do once the baby arrived... How would it affect my life and my relationship with my husband. The first month or two after the birth were also worrying. I felt like I wasn't doing a good enough job.. I was tired all the time...ached in places I didn't know existed. But you know what?? I have never been happier in my life....and I'm not just saying that because I can't go back and change things. If given my time over again I'd do everything the same...except for the worrying so much. Now we're even considering a second.

So to all of you young moms out there... don't feel that you're alone or that age will make you a bad mom. .. Just love your kids the best you can...and most importantly ... take care of and love yourselves...you've produced an amazing life. Hold your head high and teach your kids to do the same.

Having a Baby Has Changed My Life

I married three days after my 32 birthday. I had planned on never marrying and so had my husband.. but we found each other and that was the end of that. Six months after our marriage I discovered I was pregnant (We had also both decided that we didn't want a family) I booked myself into a clinic for an abortion because I didn't feel that the timing was right. I've never been an overly emotional person but I found I couldn't stop crying the week prior to the proceedure. In the end I couldn't go through with it and my wonderful husband supported me. We now have a beautiful 14 month old baby girl who is the light of both of our lives.

It didn't start out that way though. I was terrified. I had never paid attention when my sister and friends had kids because I truly believed that that would never happen to me. I was worried sick throughout my whole pregnancy.. would I be a good mother... would I know what to do once the baby arrived... How would it affect my life and my relationship with my husband. The first month or two after the birth were also worrying. I felt like I wasn't doing a good enough job.. I was tired all the time...ached in places I didn't know existed. But you know what?? I have never been happier in my life....and I'm not just saying that because I can't go back and change things. If given my time over again I'd do everything the same...except for the worrying so much. Now we're even considering a second.

So to all of you young moms out there... don't feel that you're alone or that age will make you a bad mom. .. Just love your kids the best you can...and most importantly ... take care of and love yourselves...you've produced an amazing life. Hold your head high and teach your kids to do the same.

Congratualtions on your new family. I for one am very glad to read thatyou did not have an abortion for I personally believe it is wrong, children do not ask to be conceived but yet they are the ones who are punished for the mistakes of the parents and to me, that is sad, thank you for giving your child life..............Parenting is not always easy but it certainly is rewarding and I absolutely love being a mommy, my girls are 5 and 3 and I wouldn't give them up for anything. We learn as we go and the more our children around, the more we love them,a t least that holds true for myself. I was 37 when I had my firsta nd there have been no regrets, I do believe that when people have children when they are ready and mature enough then parenting is a little easier, not perfect, but being ready is defiently a plus.............We are here for our children to love, and to teach them to grow into good productive adults and when we set our priorities as they need to be then I believe our children will grow to love and respect us, not because of perfection because they will learn that even we as parents make mistakes, but they will know our hearts and intentions and they will appreciate us in the end............Enjoy your family.

I understand

I think the key here is Respect on both of your parts. You need to communicate your feelings to him and be honest, if you don't then how is he suppose to l=know what you are feeling. I think too it is imporant that you have your "me" time and one thing that works with us in my home is, I have a set time that I go out all by myself and do wahtever I want which is Saturday mornings, now on accasions other things do come up as that is how life is sometimes, there may be times when I take one of our girls with me and the other stays with daddy, sometimes we all end up goingt o gether depending on what needs to be done, My husband is now on a rotating work schedule and we have to go by his schedule but when I knw that he is home and will be for a bit, I do not hesitate to tell him that I am going out for a bit and I will be back in a couple hours, he is a great father and he doesn't have a problem with this. If you have a plan already in place then both of you will be happy, if all fails maybe you can get a sitter for an hour or two and go out with a friend. Really, I have come to realize that men don't always grasp the whole affect of parenting because we, the wives/mothers don't communicate our needs and desires, we just assume that the men should know thier place and responsibility and maybe they should but becasue we, the women are usually the main caregivers, the men in our lives may think that we have everything under control so this is why we must communicate and work together at a plan that will work and satisfy both parents. It is nothing for me to tell my husband, I am going out with Cate on Friday night, you need to be home and watch the girl or if he is working, I just tell him the girls and I will be going out tonight, you need to help your self to dinner. I think if you have a good marriage relationship, this would not be a problem but it still takes communication, repsect and the willingness to work together. I decided along time ago, even befor ehaving children, that I wasn't gonna sit around the house and mope and wait for hubby to do his part and I don't, I go when I want and if that means taking my children with me, then I do it, if it means paying a sitter, I do it, if it means telling him that he needs to stay home with them, then I do it. Now, of course I have respect for him and make sure that he is feeling up to doing it and that he has the time to spend with the girls, he does work and he too deserves his alone time and out with friends and all, it is a matter of having a balance and working together.

When I read your story about your husband being wonderful in so many ways but lacking in others I thought of my situation. I have been married for 7 years. We had a failed pregnancy in 02 and then in 04 we were blessed with a son and just 3 months ago with a daughter. I get a lot of help from my husband and he is really good with the children but sometimes I wonder how he thinks I handle it when he is not there. I work full time and my children go to the same daycare. After picking them up I go home, unload them and "handle" them until he arrives 1 to 2 hours later. Sometimes 3 if he gets caught up in a meeting. Well the other day I was 3 miles down the road at HEB and he called asking when I would be done cause both children were screaming. Of course I had to run home, hold my daughter and my son at the same time. When I discuss my frustraion with my husband to anyone I always get the same response..."You should be thankful he helps you cause most men don't." Ok, I understand this but he helped make these children and he will help care for them. I will not accept anything less of equals in this relationship. Then I think about how people think men deserve a gold star for helping but where the heck is my gold star. I do this everyday. I get them ready, get them to school, to the dr, I do the shopping with the kids, and I get what. No one praises me to my husband that he should be thankful I help. That is our job. We are the moms. I think long and hard about this and I take it is stride that I am the one that bore these children and before anyone or anything else they need me. Most kids want their mom when they are sick and this is why. There is something special between a mom and her child. Something no man can ever understand and never will.

Having a Baby Has Changed My Life

When I read your story about your husband being wonderful in so many ways but lacking in others I thought of my situation. I have been married for 7 years. We had a failed pregnancy in 02 and then in 04 we were blessed with a son and just 3 months ago with a daughter. I get a lot of help from my husband and he is really good with the children but sometimes I wonder how he thinks I handle it when he is not there. I work full time and my children go to the same daycare. After picking them up I go home, unload them and "handle" them until he arrives 1 to 2 hours later. Sometimes 3 if he gets caught up in a meeting. Well the other day I was 3 miles down the road at HEB and he called asking when I would be done cause both children were screaming. Of course I had to run home, hold my daughter and my son at the same time. When I discuss my frustraion with my husband to anyone I always get the same response..."You should be thankful he helps you cause most men don't." Ok, I understand this but he helped make these children and he will help care for them. I will not accept anything less of equals in this relationship. Then I think about how people think men deserve a gold star for helping but where the heck is my gold star. I do this everyday. I get them ready, get them to school, to the dr, I do the shopping with the kids, and I get what. No one praises me to my husband that he should be thankful I help. That is our job. We are the moms. I think long and hard about this and I take it is stride that I am the one that bore these children and before anyone or anything else they need me. Most kids want their mom when they are sick and this is why. There is something special between a mom and her child. Something no man can ever understand and never will.

I think it comes down to respect and balance on the parents part. I am thankful for my husband as he loves helping out with the girls. I wouldn't worry about what others think or say. Though I get compliments from others, I have also received a few put downs from others, but hey, they have absolutely no clue what goes on in my home and why we do the things the way we do them.............. and for the most part, it is we women, the mommy's who are have the care giver expertise, it is the way we were created and I do agree that husbands need to appreciate their wives more then they tend to these days, I think if this happened, there wouldn't be so many broken marriages (and of course it works the other way as well)...................