I feel as if I’m living in a parallel world to most other people. At the end of the European Branch team meeting today, Susannah [I’m now using these people’s real names, by the way], Our Leader, said that two teams had won the “Take the Biscuit” award this week. One was the “Fancy Dress” team, as she put it, and at first I thought it must be a bunch of people who’d put on a fancy dress evening recently (similar things have won). But then I realised she meant the team that had dealt with the recent “Watchdog” campaign, to extend the Nightwear Regs.

[Claudia Winkleman’s daughter had been badly burned by a candle, her cheap and highly flammable fancy dress outfit going up in flames very easily. I was in charge of the Nightwear (Safety) Regulations, as well as the Furniture Regs. They are both UK-only regulations. The BBC and others were calling for stricter flammability requirements for fancy dress outfits. Certain flame retardant-loving types like Paul Fuller had been campaigning to have fancy dress outfits included in the Nightwear Regs, a move which could easily lead to lots of flame retardants in children’s clothing.]

I hadn’t made the connection because in reality it hasn’t been dealt with at all. Susannah went on to praise Phil [previously known in this blog as John Lord] and Richard because apparently, they’d . . . well, here’s the thing: I can’t remember what she said exactly – because it was false, or falsely reasoned. But in effect she was saying they’d got the Minister on board with our ‘solutions’. She mentioned me in passing then Richard, to applause, goes to get the prize; the biscuits. Parallel worlds, because I was thinking that the reality is this:

Phil tried to exclude me from the process

I found out anyway and produced a ton of stuff they didn’t know about

I briefed Richard who’s supposed to be a standards expert but, well, isn’t, even if he knows a lot

a) it was actually me who did the important work, but b) they couldn’t even get that right in what they finally put to the Minister

The result being that they haven’t come up with any solutions at all. They’ve bodged things, kidding themselves they’ve done good work when in fact whatever actually happens next is a lottery

Then we had a Furniture Regs project meeting. Parallel worlds again because I’m the Box 3 SEO who apparently can’t deal well with stakeholders but, once again, they have to keep asking me for advice and giving me the meaty action points, because despite their higher pay grades, they do not actually understand anything.

In short, they’re in a state of panic because they have no overview. They can’t handle me because I do. They can give me the lowest box marking for my annual report and generally treat me like crap but they can’t get round me because I know. Knowing comes from being always-on, coupled with commitment and insight.

By contrast, they’ve sold their integrity to an organisation that has long given up being actually effective. They spend their days managing – or trying to – everything down to their level of limited and fragmented understanding. Most of the time this works because they never get challenged by the real world outside. They can’t handle the Furniture Regs because they’re the UK’s responsibility and therefore represent the real world that’s sneaked inside these EU-dominated walls.

I send them emails or tell them in meetings that in effect a war’s coming and I watch the scared flickering shadows in their eyes, the “not me, surely?” thoughts. They try to fragment the issues so they can more easily deal with them. But the issue is not fragmented: it’s the fact that the government has failed the public.

The two person team of me and Steve has been incredibly more effective than the numerically far superior groups we’ve been up against. We’ve faced hundreds of them across dozens of meetings and events and often been attacked and lied to and scorned. But they couldn’t beat us because we’re intact in our perceptions and moral underpinnings. The awareness matrix we’ve built between us has always been ahead of their games – not that it’s necessarily worked, of course.

FIFA built a shadow matrix, a network of connections and mutual deceptions which was rooted in greed. Which meant it was actually always using them, not the other way around. So, when the FBI comes calling, it all collapses instantly, with everyone at FIFA turning on each other. That can never happen with a positive matrix because it is formed around actualinsights. The shadow matrix is formed around weakness, self-deception, fantasy and greed. Crucially, the members of the shadow matrix aren’t actually in control of it. So, when it deserts them, they have nothing left to work from, to think from, to be from.

My lot are not exactly like FIFA but they have formed a shadow matrix. Phil is the main operator and puppeteer within it. But he’s still its creature. Chris has sold her soul to it when she should have trusted me – two of us would probably have been enough to make the difference. But here I’m missing the point: you can only join or form a positive matrix if you’re already a seeker after truth and integrity. You can perhaps be the supporter of a positive matrix, if you aren’t directly challenged by the needs of the shadow matrix opposing it; but that’s the subject of a whole different kind of process.

Richard Hull [professor of fire toxicity at UCLAN] recently made the point to me that BIS has probably never before had to deal with this kind of case, and he thought that was to my advantage. I wasn’t sure about that but I told him that I was no longer stressed; and that’s because I’m right and if that means they ultimately all get taken down, so be it.