I've been busy and tired and I've been going out a lot with my family and my feet hurts. We're picking up the little bitch tonight. I know I've been shitty with updating my blog regularly!! But don't worry muahah I have two posts coming up that I promise will be up soon... Hopefully by next Sunday maximum okay!! I've been catching up with my tv shows - I finished Season 4 of Teen Wolf and the first half of Awkward Season 4. Currently downloading a few seasons of other TV shows hehe. I picked up my prom dress yesterday & it looks pretty so I can't wait for prom! A

Anyway, my next posts will be

a hair update with hopefully high quality pictures of my new hair

makeup review of an eyeshadow palette that i bought

maybe a mockingjay review if i'm not lazy cos the hunger games = life

I also have a couple videos coming up I think

cosmetic drugstore haul video

vlog/life update

In the meantime, watch my first video!! And leave a comment of what kind of videos you think I should do, and hit thumbs up or subscribe or whatever you want!!

My granddad passed away in May this year. And now I've taken over his room. I'm clearing some stuff finally, even though I've been here since late July or something. It was a gradual transition. Firstly it was just me doing my homework in this room and studying on the bed. Then my dad decided to shift my entire study desk here. It was mid-term so I didn't have all the time in the world to pack for this room-switch so I just took what I needed.

Now that As are almost over, I had time to do some spring cleaning. Yesterday, I cleaned up my cupboard in the old room so I had more space to store my notes. Then I moved on to the drawers in my granddad's old room (my current room) and I started from the bottom since that was where I stored my school stuff over the past few months. I threw out all the useless worksheets and practices, kept the notes and I moved up from there. I sorted my camera equipment, random items, my makeup box and other shit. Then I reached the top drawer. It's sad to finally reach the top. I keep finding my granddad's stuff. It's weird that I'm typing granddad since he was always "grandfather" or "datuk" to me, but I guess if I type it like that, I would be less emotional, more detached.

It's sad to find his passport that expired four years ago, and we never applied for a new one because he couldn't move anyway. It's sad to find the notebook where the maid used to write all his blood pressure recordings down, knowing his blood no longer flows. It's even sadder to notice that my mom had already written dates all the way till October 2014 but he only made it till the end of May. It's sad to find the "Identification Tag for Non-Coroner's Case" and see his age as 90, because he would've been 91 this year - just 4 days after I turn 18. It's sad to see that they had written the specific date & time of death, proving that he had suddenly left us, even though we already knew for years that he was slowly slipping away. It's sad that at the bottom of the tag, it was signed by the "medical officer certifying death" as if his death wasn't already real.

What's sadder is that I've been too busy with A Levels and exams and tests and studies and my own thoughts to properly mourn about this. Whenever I just think of him, I burst into tears and I don't know why. Back when he was alive, in the recent past years... it was like a routine. We would hear him calling us and yelling and we were used to it. I used to sit with him sometimes and hold his hand while I studied and when I had to leave to do my homework, he would start yelling at me. What was shitty of me was that most of the time when he started yelling and saying mean things to me, I got mad at him. I was mad at him even though I knew he was senile and had dementia. He was always there lying in this bed that I'm currently on. I would walk to my room and catch a glimpse of him lying there every time. I could go days without entering his room because the maid was there and I heard his voice, so I knew he was okay.

And then he got sick, went to the hospital. I had school and I couldn't visit him. We all thought he was going to be okay. At least I did. He had been hospitalized several times, and he would come back the same grumpy old man. But this time, he didn't come back. I think it was a text, or a phone call. I don't remember. I think I was in school. Or maybe I was at home. It's all blurry to me but I found out that he died. I didn't cry then. I don't remember much. But the next day, all the relatives came over, and I saw my grandfather just lying there on a mattress or cloth in the living room, just like how he used to lie in this bed - but this time he wasn't yelling or screaming at us. There was just silence. There were so many people over at our house, some I hadn't even seen in years. And that was when I started crying. I saw his body and I cried. Dad beckoned us to come over and kiss him goodbye. I now can only think of how cold his forehead felt when I pressed my lips against it for the last time. I sat at the steps of our staircase, trying to control my tears but I couldn't and the relatives were looking at me as if it was strange seeing a granddaughter devastated over her grandfather's death? I went upstairs and calmed myself down. I did my homework, went to school the next day. And it's been like this ever since. Every time I'm alone and I think of him, I start crying and I honestly wish I wouldn't. I just could never accept death. Not ever. And frankly, I don't want to accept it.

PS: Sorry for any typos or whatever, I can't be bothered to check. It's 5:27am goodnight

As of now, BCME students only have two papers left!! It'll end in six days! We just had our Chemistry Paper 3 which kind of gave me a headache and it was freezing cold. I envy the boys who get to wear long pants while I'm stuck with a skirt and exposed knees. I had my jacket on so I couldn't cover my freezing knees. Oh well :( Eli and I headed off to the gym afterwards and after so many complications with signing up for the ActiveSG account thing, we finally got in and started working out. We saw several Meridians!!! I'm proud of Eli for running so much! I literally ran 500m and then I couldn't breathe so I walked out and then my vision faded to white and then I lost my sense of hearing for a couple minutes but I wasn't entirely scared this time because I had experienced it before. I went to look for the post where I had written about a similar experience but I can't find it :( Anyway, it was pretty shitty and I lifted some weights and did some tricep exercises and cycled over 3km in total hahaha exhausted as hell. I got dizzy again afterwards but yeah I managed to walk home and collapse in the living room. My mom made me dinner and I went upstairs to weigh myself. I've lost 3.5kg in 19 days! Hopefully I can lose a couple more kilos or more before prom lol.

I AM SO TIRED. Sam got a piercing!!! Damn badass I tell you. I've alwayssssss wanted another piercing but I don't quite know what would look good on me? Sigh pie. Anyway, I just realised my blog doesn't have a comment section either lol. I think I removed the comment section because nobody comments on my blog but I got notified that Sam commented on my blog but when I went to reply, I couldn't!! So god what do I even do. I absolutely love my layout but there's so many things wrong with it.

(1) The Credits/Archives - I can't keep it to a fixed position below the inverted triangle that has my face and name and all that

(2) No permalinks lol wtf right and I can't edit straight from my main blog page but that's cos this is a customised layout and not one of those defaults right. Sigh maybe I should revert back to the default layouts....

(3) Comments section!!!!!!

(4) The fonts for NEWER and OLDER is ugly lol but that's easy to change, I'm just lazy.

Anyway, Kirstie cheated on James and I'm so angry?? She was lucky enough to have him once, and I'd call her crazy lucky because James is truly amazing (James McVey not my classmate James) and I'm so so so angry at her for throwing away her chance and breaking his heart. Like my entire world was in her hands. I'm definitely exaggerating but he means a lot to me and I'm devastated that she ruined him like that.

Gonna go experiment with layouts now adios x

WAIT BEFORE YOU GUYS GO: TO THANK YOU FOR READING UNTIL THIS POINT, YOU GET A SPECIAL, NEVER-BEFORE-SEEN UGLY PICTURE OF ME.

Sid asked me to recommend her some rom-coms and I had to ask her what the heck that was, and turns out it's romantic comedy! Why can't people just say romantic comedy? It's just four more syllables!! So I couldn't list titles just off my head so I logged into my iMDB account and guess what? I've had the account for six years! I've literally been into movies for six years - that's when I was twelve! So I scrolled through the list of movies I've watched and rated and also the list of movies in my Watch List. That was over 250 movies, I think, and I could find definitely just less than twenty movies that were not horror. Most of the movies I did recommend to Sid, however, she had already watched - so that was useless. If any of you wants a list of horror movies to check out, then definitely leave me a message or question on my ask.fm and I'll compile a short list of movies that you should watch (only horror movies + a teensy weensy bit of sci-fi)

Anyway, I feel very crappy and tired right now after that stupid Chemistry Paper 2 and there's no exams tomorrow so I'm here blogging since I'm just not in the mood at all to study for Paper 3. I guess I'll just do that tomorrow. Since I have nothing else on my mind that I wanted to talk about, here's a review of a restaurant I had lunch at on Saturday. I can only hope that the pictures are already transferred to my computer because my phone went dead a few minutes ago.

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Firstly, I would just like to say that most of this review will be focused on the dish that I had ordered, although there's definitely a couple pictures of the other dishes my family ordered. So my family was driving around looking for a place to have lunch and we found this little restaurant called Agrobazaar at the corner of some street (I'm crap with directions) So we took a look at the menu and I was disappointed because there was nothing I really liked but my mom thought it was okay so we opted for a seat upstairs and it was actually quite spacious and pretty and clean and I just really liked the environment. Then we took another few minutes to look at the menu again to make our orders and I settled for a 6 piece homemade(?) chicken satay that was $7.90. My order arrived shortly after and I was starving, having not eaten for the past 24 hours or something like that.

So I took a few pictures and then dipped my satay into the wonderful delicious nut sauce and it was just perfect. Firstly, the chicken satay itself was thick and succulent and kind of crispy and I absolutely loved it. The nut sauce was sweet and a little spicy - just how I liked it. This dish had only six sticks of chicken satay and I was still hungry so I ordered a whole other plate of that - and finished that as well #fatty. But the satay was amazing and easily the best satay I've ever ever ever tasted and I eat A LOT of satay. So until I find better satay elsewhere, this ones are simply delicious. I also ordered banana critters aka goring pisang and they were in a weird shape as compared to the ones my parents get at Afghanistan or something but they were sweet and just so so so delicious. Mom ordered Ikan Tiga Rasa or something like that and she said it was nice so here are some pictures!

Bio Paper today was horrible and I've basically been upset the entire evening. I haven't blogged since the start of A Levels and I'm left with four papers left! I'm tired and lazy and not in the mood to study at all boohoo. I'll just post some pictures to summarise the past month or whatever. I'm just very sad right now.

I've spent so much for Prom Prep!! $85 for hotel, $150 for dress alterations, $33 for a makeup artist and just a lot of other stuff I spent on (mostly with my dad's money) But hey actually no!!! I'm paying all using my November/December allowance omg just realised that no wonder I'm so broke. My dad's giving me more money for my hair appointment at the end of the month, and he also gave me some money for a makeup haul that will arrive hopefully next week!!! (I have VERY LITTLE savings not even kidding) (PS: I don't have access to my bank account, I already used up my Raya money so much earlier, and I'm basically left with less than $50 I think including coins lol) Anyway, I used up part of my savings to purchase an eyeshadow palette on Luxola with the help of my very kind sister. It's arriving tomorrow night so I'm excited about that.

I've become quite fascinated and obsessed with makeup and I'm actually planning on expanding my makeup collection - my makeup "collection" is non-existent. I have a foundation which I lost in my move from the other room to my current room - it's in my storage box somewhere, I'll look for it after A Levels lol. I have a few BB creams, two lipsticks, a few lipbalms, no eyeliner - my one and only just finished, and an eyebrow thing. I use eyeshadow palettes that my mom has and that includes many Avon quads, some Maybelline ones, and Naked 1 & 2 palettes from Urban Decay. I don't go out a lot so I don't wear makeup very often but I'm really excited for post-A Levels!!

Lastly, I'm a shit blogger, I know, but I have good news! I'm going to try making videos after A Levels! I used to do (very boring) vlogs back in 2011/2012, but I deleted all the videos as well as the channel itself, but I'm giving it another shot! So I'll probably do an intro video pretttttty soon and then a few random videos about the makeup I just bought and also other stuff like prom prep and all that so I'm really looking forward to that. I hope people actually watch my videos ahhaha. I need to look for my digital/compact camera because that would make it much easier for me to carry around to vlog! And I finally can use my DSLR again and I'm very excited because I miss it so badly and I can use the lenses that I bought that I haven't really used. Sooooo stay tuned because I'll be back soon in like 12 days or something and I'll upload a video as soon as I can and tell me if you like it!! Wow who am I talking to *crick crick crick* The only person who actually reads my blog is the lovely Sam (and my sister) (who I forced to subscribe to my blog) and the rest of the views I get are probably from people who click the link I post on twitter lol THANK YOU for reading up till this exact point. Love y'all loads, work hard for A Levels!!!