The Mental Illness Rainbow

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I lived many years of my life with dark clouds of depression and painful anxiety following me everywhere. Through the years my clouds of depression and painful anxiety added clouds of bipolar and PTSD. My clouds transformed into a large cloud of mental illness.

Whatever I did the cloud of mental illness hung over my head, even on the sunniest day, through a rainbow, when my children were born and on their wedding day. Even when we went to Walt Disney World, my mental illness cloud came along for the trip. The cloud hung over me on the plane and in the hotel. Never a second free from my cloud of mental illness.

Sometimes my mental illness cloud hung dark and low. Sometimes the cloud dissipated only showing a transparent hue of its presence, but still my mental illness cloud lingered above and near. Sometimes my cloud consumed me overtaking my entire being and life. Sometimes it parted, leaving an opening for the sun to shine through.

Sometimes my cloud transformed into a Tsunami. Other times I only needed a leopard print umbrella to shield me from the rain and help me cope with the storm. Sometimes my mental illness cloud changed, but it never went completely away.

My mental illness cloud and I were like Pig Pen from the Peanuts cartoons and his cloud of dirt. Everywhere Pig Pen went, no matter what he did, his cloud of dirt followed him. My mental illness cloud was the same. No matter what I did, it followed me everywhere.

The difference between feeling sad and having chronic depression is that chronic depression is not usually dependent on a situation or circumstance. No matter what you do, depression stays and follows. It is not caused from the situation. On the other hand, when you feel sad, it is caused from a situation, person or event.

Just like we cannot wish rain clouds away, we cannot wish mental illness away. Mental illness cannot be washed ashore with the tide. We can learn to adapt to the rain and cope with the storm, but we can’t make the storm vanish. Thunderstorms take the course they are going to take. Storms last as long as they do. We cannot control their power, force, length or the destruction they cause.

The beauty is the promise that one day the sun will shine again and one day there may even be a beautiful double rainbow brightening your sky of life.

Genesis 9Contemporary English Version (CEV)

12-13 The rainbow that I have put in the sky will be my sign to you and to every living creature on earth. It will remind you that I will keep this promise forever. 14 When I send clouds over the earth, and a rainbow appears in the sky, 15 I will remember my promise to you and to all other living creatures. Never again will I let floodwaters destroy all life. 16 When I see the rainbow in the sky, I will always remember the promise that I have made to every living creature. 17 The rainbow will be the sign of that solemn promise.

Just like God will not let floodwaters destroy all life, don’t let mental illness destroy your beautiful life you have been blessed to live. Have hope from God’s promise and ferocious love. Have hope that your life will get better. Keep the faith and keep fighting the fight.

One day your cloud of mental illness will drift away…

~written by Susan Walz

Don’t forget to pray and praise Jesus…

Pig Pen’s cloud of dirt is similar to the cloud of depression and mental illness…

Please listen and watch this video. It will get you smiling and dancing and it will surely fill your heart with love and joy.

Have a happy, healthy and love-filled weekend.

Much love and hugs, Sue

“Every Praise” by Hezekiah Walker – Enjoy…

Every Praise Lyrics

Every praise is to our God.
Every word of worship with one accord
Every praise every praise is to our God.
Sing hallelujah to our God
Glory hallelujah is due our God
Every praise every praise is to our God.

Every praise is to our God.
Every word of worship with one accord
Every praise every praise is to our God.
Sing hallelujah to our God
Glory hallelujah is due our God
Every praise every praise is to our God.

Every praise is to our God.
Every word of worship with one accord
Every praise every praise is to our God.
Sing hallelujah to our God
Glory hallelujah is due our God
Every praise every praise is to our God.

Every praise is to our God.
Every word of worship with one accord
Every praise every praise is to our God.
Sing hallelujah to our God
Glory hallelujah is due our God
Every praise every praise is to our God.

God my Savior
God my Healer
God my Deliverer
Yes He is, yes He is

God my Savior
God my Healer
God my Deliverer
Yes He is, yes He is

God my Savior
God my Healer
God my Deliverer
Yes He is, yes He is, yes He is, yes He is
Yes He is, yes He is, yes He is, yes He is

Every praise is to our God.
Every word of worship with one accord
Every praise, every praise, every praise, every praise
Every praise, every praise, every praise, every praise
Every praise, every praise, every praise, every praise
All of my worship, every praise,
Every praise, every praise
When you see me dancing, every praise
Every praise, every praise
When you see me shoutin’, every praise
Every praise, every praise, every praise, every praise
Every praise, every praise, to our god
Is to our God

Every praise is to our God.
Every word of worship with one accord
Every praise, every praise, every praise, every praise
Every praise, every praise, every praise, every praise
Every praise, every praise, every praise, every praise
All of my worship, every praise,
Every praise, every praise
When you see me dancing, every praise
Every praise, every praise
When you see me shoutin’, every praise
Every praise, every praise, every praise, every praise
Every praise, every praise, to our god
Is to our God

Every praise is to our God.
Every word of worship with one accord
Every praise, every praise, every praise, every praise
Every praise, every praise, every praise, every praise
Every praise, every praise, every praise, every praise
All of my worship, every praise,
Every praise, every praise
When you see me dancing, every praise
Every praise, every praise
When you see me shoutin’, every praise
Every praise, every praise, I got to praise you, every praise
Every praise, every praise, I got to thank him, every praise
Every praise, every praise, He’s been so good, every praise
Every praise, every praise, He’s been so kind, every praise
Every praise, every praise, every praise, every praise

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Published by my loud whispers of hope

I share my story openly and honestly to educate others and increase the awareness of mental illness, reduce stigma, prevent suicide, to inspire, give hope and let God's love shine through me and touch you.
I finished writing, proofreading and editing my memoir in January of 2019. I am in the process of sending my manuscript to agents and publishers that accept unsolicited maunscripts. I pray my words will turn into a book that will inspire and spark joy and hope in the lives of many. Recovery and healing are possible. I am living proof.
"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you." ~Maya Angelou
View all posts by my loud whispers of hope

3 Comments

I agree. I have been there, spent 2 days in-patient, thankful to God to be healthy today. I still battle anxiety, but I remember Philippians 4:6-7 and rest in God’s care. Thank you for a lovely post. I hope it reaches many people and they really listen.