20-something bum: Excuse me, miss, can I please have a cigarette?Young woman smoking: Sure.20-something bum: Thank you so much. I just took a huge hit of heroin and a cigarette after is the balls.Young woman smoking: Well, happy trails!

Red Table change collector guy: Help feed the homeless of New York! All it takes is a penny and a heart, you fucking assholes.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Bemused

Girl to friend: I thought of you the other day; I saw a homeless man's penis.

–Lucky Jack's, Orchard St.

Overheard by: Argopelter

Horny dude (after being rejected by a girl at the bar): I asked her if she wanted a drink and she gave me the look that I give to homeless people on the subway.

–79th & Broadway

Guy to girl sitting at a sidewalk cafe: I know, what is with her? She dresses like a homeless person. And not Mary-Kate Olsen homeless but I-think-I-saw-her-passed-out-in-an-alleyway-with-a-heroin-needle-sticking-out-of-her-arm- homeless.

–10th St & 2nd Ave

Girl, to guy who has just spat on floor: Don't do that! Homeless people sleep there!

Hipster #1: So she said he couldn't get it up?Hipster #2: Yeah, but she's not sure if it's just all the heroin or that he's actually queer.Hipster #1: But I mean, isn't that the case for every dude from Wesleyan?