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So I’ve not written in a while because, essentially, I’m dealing with a life thing and can’t write to share atm.

I’ve sat this evening in a pile of my own emotional shit, feeling relatively blue and giving myself a hard time about it – extremely frustrated with one’s self. Now, I’m learning to be kinder to myself when it comes to this but it’s something I’m having to learn to do and it’s a work in progress kinda thing.

So I did maybe the worst thing I could possibly do in this situation, I took to social media.

BUT. During some tough, ‘messy head’ times recently, I’ve been hugely inspired/entertained by some fantastic women. So hey, I found these tweets that I’ve spotted over the last few months and put them all in one post and I hope that if you’re out there reading this, feeling blue just like me and not sure how or what to do to get yourself out of it, aside from down a tin of G&T and gorge on some crap food whilst watching all 10 seasons of Friends, well hey… you’re not alone. There’s good people out there and hey, sometimes they feel the way you do. And they have a fuck load of faith in the Universe and you. And they’re out there, sharing their truths and guess what, you have every right to do that to.

This is a shoutout to all my ladies who muddle through work (on and off the stage) with the period pain/brain/bloat. I was wading through FOG during tonights show. My brain & body were NOT playing ball. So, Ladies, just a reminder. YOU ARE AMAZING for handling this once a month!

Heyyy. Remember our bodies are always changing. As I’m here sat in bed with awful thoughts about certain parts of my body, I’m putting it on on the twitter-verse that you’re not the only one. I obsess on a regular. & im working on it. Breathe. Eat. Rest. Bath. Cuddle. We got this

44 years, ✅ I’m not philosophical about getting older. I’m joyous about it. Grateful for it. It’s another year, month, day, hour that I get to love, laugh, work, breathe, cry. It’s another minute and second that I get to learn something new, meet someone new, be somewhere new.
I get to love for another moment.
I get to love for another moment.
I get to love for another moment.
I get to live.

Note to self: one step at a time. You don’t have to get it done or all figured out all at once. Breathe. Don’t overwhelm yourself so much that you drown in it (and get even less done). One tiny, focused step is all you need. You’ll get there. Be kind to yourself. Romeo Done. ❤

Today I start work at my new part-time office “day job”… WHILST BEING IN A SHOW. I want to one day buy a house, and despite being a “working actor” I just can’t see it happening. There is no shame in making ends meet and aspiring for more AT ALL.

I’ve worked in the office in the day to sing @ The Royal Albert Hall in the evening, sang for the Royal Family & taught kids the next morning. Recorded albums whilst doing admin work in my downtime. To do what I love EVERYDAY, and to afford life, you have to work, and work HARD.

Parents: The house is louder with you in it. Me: No way. Defamation of character. 24 hours later… Me: *Plays/sings rousing rendition of ‘Keep the Home Fires Burning (Till the Boys Come Home)’ on the piano at 9.30am*

You are 7000000% allowed to find your job/an aspect of your job hard/frustrating/exhausting/insert other negative emotion here and simultaneously be grateful for it, the fact that other people would love your job doesn’t mean your feelings about it shouldn’t be spoken about etc

One of the hardest things I’ve had to accept as I’ve grown older is that I’m not good at everything I do. I grew up being good at things, academically and artistically. I grew up being good at picking things up, throwing myself in at the deep end, being relatively good at everything I did.
Apart from gymnastics.
Don’t get me wrong, I was ok at it and I absolutely LOVED going to gym as a kid. I was part of Riverside Display Team, who I travelled around the country with. We competed at, and won on one occasion, the British Championships in Liverpool and we performed all over Europe, even at Disneyland Paris (which was mint FYI).
But I was always scared to take a leap of faith when it came to gymnastics. I mean, being afraid of heights in a team building things like a 21 man pyramid probably didn’t help. I was scared to try being a ‘top’ when it came to big balances. I was also weirdly afraid of going upside down whenever we performed outside. I don’t know why that was, maybe I felt like the sky was caving in on me or something.
I was limby, gawky and clumsy and on paper, not the perfect candidate for being part of a sturdy structure of human beings.
It took me 6 years to pluck up the courage to try for my first backflip, just a casual back handspring.Once I achieved that, I never looked back. I can still do them today. In fact, I’ve showcased them at several dance calls, whenever the team have asked about anybody being able to do tricks. What’s absolutely hysterical is that, if I know people in my audition, they are always so surprised when I put my hand up to volunteer my acrobatic services.
I just mustn’t look like the backflipping type, whatever that is.
That feeling of surprising people, pulling out something completely unexpected, is actually such a funny, great feeling. It really makes me laugh, wholeheartedly.
Right now, in this moment whilst reflecting on that feeling, I’ve come to think that maybe that’s a similar feeling to the one we get when we break through a mould. When you completely abolish somebody’s idea of you, throw them off course, fuck the system and make a pigeon hole look a bit like Donald Trump… a stupid, shitty thing that spouts uneducated assumptions and complete nonsense to anybody that will listen. (That probably makes no sense to anybody but myself, apologies.)
And so when I dream of breaking the many moulds in existence, and setting all of the pigeon holes on fire, I hold onto that feeling that I get when somebody is surprised by my backflip. Sky’s the limit bitches. It’s not falling in on you, even when you feel upside down.