"No, no, a thousand times no!" he cried in despair, knowing all the while he had 997 more no's to go.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Damnit! Now I own a cell phone.

*sigh* I'd been doing SO well. What I'd come to view as a status symbol, the cell phone, had successfully remained a part of other people's lives, and not mine. But several realizations occurred at once, and the need for a phone outweighed my desire to never own one of these things.

First, there was the occasional request to use someone else's phone. "I need to call (insert family or agency name here)." It really wasn't a burden to anyone, but my intermittent need was a reminder of the next point, and that was...

People needed a way to reach me, without my giving out another individual's personal information. Would you like me to give your phone number to the people in my life so they can reach me? How would you like it if you were alone with your significant other, and your phone rang with a call for me? It wasn't fair to my housemates. So a means of communication with the world beyond KS was needed.

Finally, this house isn't set up for a land line. In order for that to happen, I would need the phone company to come here and install all of the hardware needed for such a thing. And it would all have to come out of my wallet. Whatever the cost would have been, it would have been too much. Thus, the concept of using a land line died.

Purely by accident, I found an amazing deal. Wal-Mart finally decided to get in on the whole cell phone gig, and established a network using inexpensive phones and a non-contracted, flat rate. All I have to do is decide how much time I want to buy into each month. There are two options: I could pay $30 and get 1000 minutes of call time, as well as 1000 texts, (which I will probably never use), or I could pay $45 and get UNLIMITED calls and texts. The service also provides an Internet connection, 30 MB of memory, voice command/dialing, and numerous other features that are common to cell phones today. Since I couldn't imagine a need for unlimited, I went with 1000 minutes. Next month, prior to my time running out, I pay another $30, and I'm set for another 30 days.

Oh...Did I mention the phone only cost $40 plus tax? Of course, that was the day I bought it. That same phone seems to have jumped in price, and now costs $70.

So now I have a cell phone, and purely out of necessity. Each day, I attempt to master yet another function of the phone, often turning to my younger housemates or their guests and asking what must seem like silly questions. "I'm trying to set up my 'phone book,' but it's like texting. So, ummm...How does one text?"

I'm a technological moron.

So, the bad news is that I am now the owner of a cell phone. The bad news is that people can finally reach me without having to dial a third party. Those who had my number and want it again, you know how to reach me. And any ladies who wanna call and talk dirty to me...Well, e-mail me and we can negotiate my fees for pleasuring you long distance. =P

About Me

Forty-three-year-old engaged male who often moans and groans about the insane drama that is his life. People seem to think I'm a superhero using the persona of a disabled individual as my secret identity. The truth is that no one in their right mind would want to see me in tights. =P