5 ways to have a more joyful engagement!Athena Grace

You just said yes to the man of your dreams, you’ve already cartwheeled a hundred times and the size of your pinterest board is crashing your internet. We totally get it. This is the most EXCITING time of anticipation and preparation probably of your whole life (does pregnancy count too?).

If the engagement season is meant to be full of JOY, then why is it we talk to so many brides who are absolutely relieved when their wedding day is over? It turns out it’s not because they hated engagement (phew!), but because the pressure of wedding planning is off, and they no longer have the difficulties that come with engagement.

After encountering budgeting nightmares, competing opinions, the pressures of perfection (*cough* pinterest), or even your own expectations, there’s definitely a need to inject more joy back into your engagement, and we wanted to offer up some well-tested advice for this time of your life.

FOCUS ON YOUR MARRIAGE EVEN MORE THAN YOUR WEDDING

This is the most important mindset of all for you wedding. When you have a healthy perspective that the end goal of you wedding is the marriage, your heart is liberated to make healthy decisions, both small and large. The wedding day may be fast approaching but what’s more important than those last minute details or crafting the perfect speech is that you’re about to begin something HUGE – preparing for a lifetime with the person you love. Learning to reorient your mind toward the end goal NOT of your wedding day and being a bride and groom, but of your marriage and being a husband and wife. Keep this at the forefront of your mind – weddings are good, but marriage is better. The first day is important, but the choices you make now are better made in light of the last day.

DON’T FORGET TO DATE EACH OTHER

It’s easy to spend 90% of your alone-time with your fiance talking about the wedding, but this can take away from the growth of your relationship! Don’t stop your regular date nights (and if you didn’t have any, now’s the time to start!), and when you’re spending quality time together be intentional about when you talk about the wedding (and when you don’t!). We’ve talked to couples who chose to have one date night a week where they wouldn’t talk about anything to do with the wedding! Life is only going to get busier as the months and years go on, so cultivate a pattern now of engaging in deeper conversation, freeing your minds from the details of the wedding, laughing together, and focusing on each other’s hearts.

BE OKAY SAYING NO TO OTHER PEOPLE

This is a tough one, and arguably one of the hardest aspects of the engagement season. We know when it comes to your wedding that your mum, future mother-in-law, aunties, friends and long lost cousins are all putting in their two cents (some with much more determination than others). Everyone will have their opinion on what you should and shouldn’t do on your wedding day, but it’s so important to remember that it is okay to say no to ideas and suggestions. Honoring and respecting those you love doesn’t always mean obeying their every wish. Honoring them means listening and taking time to hear their perspective. It means having conversation with them about your own perspective, and sharing your own motivations and mindset. Honoring is saying no with gentleness, and not compromising on beliefs you have. We would add this too, as a way of helping with this one – choose what is most important to you, and be okay with the other smaller details being looked after by others. Your mother-in-law may be immovable on the linen supplier, but if that doesn’t matter to you at all, allow her to have her moment!

PRIORITISE WHAT IS MEANINGFUL TO YOU

Which brings us to this very important part of engagement – working out what matters most to you not just about your wedding but about your marriage. If you are from different places, don’t just focus on the most convenient location for your family (though, of course that is important!). Think through where you want your marriage to begin together. If you only have a smaller budget, work out what matters more to you – your dress and the photography… or having gold plated cutlery and matching linens (you can see which side we err on!). Consider how important your honeymoon is, and saving money for it by not having something on your wedding day. Think about your motives behind each priority and assess whether you’re being influenced by other people. Take time when you first get engaged to sit together and work out what both of you find most important!

CHOOSE A WEDDING PHOTOGRAPHER YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY IN LOVE WITH

We wanted to add this in because we look at hundreds of weddings per week and there is a clear distinction between weddings captured by photographers who have an eye for meaningful moments of connection… and photographers who don’t. Look for a photographer whose photos move you. Because, at the end of the day, you only leave your wedding with a piece of cake and your wedding photos. They are your window back into the day, the big and small moments of joy, intimacy, tears, wild laughter and all-consuming joy.

We have an incredible directory of wedding photographers in your area, click here to have a look and see if you can find your dream photographer! And to see more articles on wedding advice and inspiration, click here!