5 Eye-Rolling REAL Products Just For Women!

After years of research, the brain trusts in charge of marketing stumbled upon the secret formula to appeal to the feeble minded. Woops. I meant female minded. The trick? Make your product pink! I know you don’t believe me, but I did the research. Turns out all women are biologically attracted to the color pink because it reminds us of all the afterbirth we’re going to drop and then consume post labor because Martha Stewart Living said it prevents wrinkles. Research!

Bic Pens For Women.

Sometimes, the internet will rise with the righteous snark of a thousand Rachel Maddows and take out a fool, or a foolish notion. After Bic unveiled pens made for the delicate mitts of females, with ink siphoned from the highest-grade unicorn blood and kitty tears, commenters descended on Amazon to comment. And it was glorious.

Lego Friends

Lego Friends doesn’t explicitly say it’s just for girls. Just like, shockingly, Legos doesn’t say it’s just for boys. But I certainly remember when I went for my brother’s Star Wars Lego Set I would always step on a piece hiding in the carpet and wince with pain. So I think that’s proof enough of their gendered machinations.

Tools

Chick Beer

On the one hand, they give a percentage of the proceeds to deserving women’s organizations. On the other, drink this or you’re going to get fat and nobody will love you so you’ll drink more and get fatter and then die with Mr. Whiskers eating part of your face because there’s nobody who loves you enough to realize your dead and come find you!!!

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