Thursday, July 14, 2005

Son of Rove

The rumors have been flying around the beltway that 43 is already putting out discreet feelers for someone to replace Karl Rove. While the media types chase their tales around the city, That’s Going Too Far! has already confirmed this story. In fact, we have obtained a questionnaire that is being sent on the very hush-hush to potential candidates for Rove’s replacement. Here is what they want to know about the second most powerful man in the world (behind Cheney):

2. An upcoming Senate race is razor close in an important red state. Your strategy is:a. 24-hour surveillanceb. Hacking opponents computersc. Leak to press opponents arrest for marijuana 30 years agod. Pay opponents cleaning service to tell all

3. A high profile Republican governor is implicated in a sex scandal. You would help by:a. Getting every law enforcement agency in the state to look into the pole dancer’s backgroundb. Having the Pope speak in the governor’s defensec. Starting a war somewhered. Giving the governor the Medal of Freedom

4. A very hot Hollywood star is dissing the President at every opportunity. How would you handle this?a. Have Jerry Falwell conduct a revival meeting at the Hollywood Bowlb. Accuse the star of being a former Republicanc. Pay his make-up person for dirtd. Have the Pope excommunicate the offender

5. The President’s ratings with the American people are in the tank. How would you fix this? a. Have the President give a prime-time speech in which he reveals he has a life-threatening diseaseb. Have the President survive a “terrorist attack”c. Capture Osama Bin Ladend. Send the twins to Iraq