Just played poker with some friends who I'd never played with before, and it turned out that most of them (4 out of the 5) were really noob-ish. I think there was a pair and and ace on the board, and me and one of the noobs both had the same pair. So we both had 2 pair with the ace kicker. He had the higher kicker in his hand though, although I knew that didn't matter.

I obviously said split, and began dividing up a pretty damn big pot. They all looked at me oddly and said he had the bigger kicker, so the pot was his. I went over trying to explain to them the concept of a 5-card poker hand so many times, but they just wouldn't listen.

Sounds like your friends are morons. They shouldn't play poker for money if they're that damn stupid and don't know how to play. It's always great when idiots who don't even know how to play poker try to tell you who won the hand. The concept of a 5-card poker hand is a really, really easy concept, so if you don't get that, then you might just want to give up on life. I'd have to say that either your friends are borderline retarded or they got the concept, but they just don't like you.