Rick Perry On Why He’s Endorsing Donald Trump

“A lot of folks have been running up on me for the past week or so, wondering what in the dang heck I’m doing backing ol’ Trump for president.”[in high pitched voice] “‘Hey Ricky, you been hitting the Chard again? Hasn’t that side of sweet potaters embarrassed you enough?'”“…”“Nope.”“Even Chuck has been stepping on my dang spurs, wondering what’s going on, and that guy, no joke, asked me once if he could be Texas’ Secretary of Roundhouse Kickin’ Mexicans Back Over the Rio Grande. He was serious. Even had shirts made. And a hat.”“You know Norris once invited me and Roger Ailes to his ranch for three days and never once fed us?”“Anyheck, I’m getting off topic. You want to know why I’m endorsing Trump. Well, lemme tell ya.”“Don’t think ol’ Ricky P. ain’t getting something out of this.”“Guess who’s gonna be Big Poppa Trump’s Secretary of State?”“Here, I’ll read y’all the text he sent me.”“And I quote…”“Wait, hold up. He sent another one after that. Let’s see … ““‘Very sad if you actually think I would ever make a failure like you my secretary of state. Your glasses make you look like a pussy. No thanks!'”…“Ffffffff …”