Real Housewives of DC

Andy Cohen wants us to believe the drama on Real Housewives is genuine. <fits of laughter> I know, right? It’s real, he said. It’s all about casting the right, highly emotional women, he said. And if you believe that, I have a bridge to sell you, he probably said to himself.

Andy addressed the scripted complaints that plague the franchise, actually the majority reality shows these days, in a recent interview with Attitude Magazine.

Michaele and Journey guitarist Neal Schon wed Sunday in front of family, friends, and whoever was dumb enough to pay $14.95 to watch the entire scene go down on television. Granted, a portion of the viewing price went to charity, but still. Is this what we're coming to as a society? Don't answer that…

You know you've made it big in the reality television world when we're still talking about you long after you got the boot from your Bravo gig…or in one lady's case when her whole city's series got the ax.

"Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world, she took a town car to crash the White House correspondents dinner…Just a city boy, born and raised in Oklahoma (I googled it!), he stole a faux cheerleader from a swindling wine maker." I know the guys from Journey are devastated that they didn't enlist me to help them write their songs.

Sometimes I miss seeing Michaele Salahi and her gnome ex-husband Tareq in the tabloids. They provided so much entertainment during their stint on Real Housewives of D.C. There was that minor national security issue, coupled with Michaele claiming (among other things) that she was a former NFL cheerleader and suffered from M.S. The quintessential cherry on top, however, was when Michaele ran off with Journey member Neal Schon right under her husband's nose, leading him to think she'd been kidnapped. You just cannot make up this stuff!

Oh, Tareq Salahi – we're not rid of you yet! And surprisingly we haven't seen you on Lockdown yet. The former Real Housewives of DC star is staging a comeback. Unfortunately. He's going to be on Judge Judy! No just kidding… it's way worse…

Starting September 16th, Documentary Producer John Campbell is set to chronicle Tareq's attempt to infiltrate politics – the legal way. Apparently the documentary has no political affiliation or motivation and is classified as a "human interest story." Which is funny because I have ZERO interest in the human that is known as Tareq.

It was a divorce made in TMZ-heaven for former Real Housewives of DC White House crashers and total wackies Michaele and Tareq Salahi, but the notorious famewhores have finally and officially ended their tumultuous marriage!

Aaaaahhh… remember the good ol’ days of their crazy antics? Michaele has finally flown the coop and is now legally permitted to marry Journey guitarist Neal Schon (Yeah, those two publicity seekers are still together!) – hopefully they won’t be purchasing anymore lingerie in front of the waiting eyes of the paparazzi they hired!

Anyway, Michaele and Tareq resolved things. “I am thrilled with the resolution of this case and to close this chapter in my life and now move forward in a positive manner,” Tareq told E! News.

Ok, Virgina residents get ready for some exciting news! Desperate famewhore Tareq Salahi has just announced his plans to run for governor of Virgina. The former Real Housewives of DC White House crasher told TMZ, “I am troubled to see how our current political figureheads continue to waste tax payer dollars!”

“I’m a big believer in limited government, keeping taxes, regulation and litigation low, and if I do win, everyone is invited to crash the inauguration!” Tareq believes his experiences grifting bankrupting a winery and being on reality TV would be a great asset to state government. How, I’m not sure…

Indeed, Tareq has officially filed his candidacy paperwork, which you can see below. You know, I’m kinda excited to see this campaign. Also – isn’t he banned from the White House? That’s gonna be a conflict of interest if he’s elected…

Does anyone remember Tareq Salahi? One-half of the infamous White House-crashing, Bravo grifters? And remember when his wife, former Real Housewives of DC trainwreck, Michaele Salahi, ran off with Journey guitarist Neal Schon? And Tareq reported her missing to TMZ? And remember when Tareq tried to auction off Micahele’s underwear? And then he said Michaele’s disappearance had killed his dog and sabotaged his career, so he wanted them to give him $17 million dollars? And then he spent every single day giving a certain media site exclusives–like the time Neal supposedly emailed him a photo of his penis just to torment him? And then she accused him of abuse? And they filed for divorce from each other? Then, remember when Tareq sued Neal for $50 Million dollars, claiming he ruined his life? And we all laughed?

Yeah… Well, apparently, a judge agrees with the rest of the world about how completely absurd, ridiculous, and stupid that so-called lawsuit is, because according to E! News Warren County, VA Circuit Court Judge Dennis Hupop ruled that the lawsuit (which Tareq appropriately filed on Valentine’s Day) is “not legally sufficient.”