Main menu

Post navigation

If You Want Polygyny, Be Diplomatic when You Tell Your Wife

Now and again I stumble over blogposts propagating polygyny and even forced polygyny. By forced polygyny I mean polygyny where the husband can take on additional wives without his prior wives’ permission or without them even knowing about it, and where the wife may also be unable to get a divorce. That is islamic polygyny.

Most such blogposts soak in religious self righteousness, are spiced with verses from the quran or hadiths, and are full of false science or incorrect facts about how beneficial polygyny is to society.

Most of these blogposts are written by men.

I came across one recently. It started by telling me I shouldn’t read it if I didn’t believe in Allah, because the writer didn’t want his text scrutinized. Well, I did anyway.

He quotes An Nisa:

And if you fear that you cannot act equitably towards orphans, then marry such women as seem good to you, two and three and four; but if you fear that you will not do justice (between them), then (marry) only one or what your right hands possess; this is more proper, that you may not deviate from the right course.

and then goes on to analyze it, based on the profound knowledge he obviously acquired during a masjid class. He sets off saying that two wives are obviously recommended first, and only one if you can not be fair to several wives. He says it’s important we realize what it actually says. He calls two wives the “default position”.

Well, let me ask: Doesn’t it first say that if you can’t act equitably towards orphans, then marry women, two three four or one. So all men who are not in a situation where they genuinely and acutely fear being unjust to orphans aren’t covered by this verse at all. Right? I mean, if you want to read it and do what it actually says. So if you aren’t suffering from a genuine and acute fear of mistreating orphans, you are not allowed polygyny at all.

If you claim it should be read and interpreted literally – then stick by that or you are a hypocrite!

Then this guy who obviously has problems reading as well as understanding goes on to be disgusted with the fact that women actually have issues with polygyny. He is gobsmacked by the fact that women will be negative to proposals from polygynous men, or even be selfish enough to have clauses protecting them from polygyny in their marriage contracts! The nerve! They have issues with polygyny and hence have issues with Allah, this git exclaims.

But you see, even if you believe that polygyny, even forced polygyny, is permitted – nowhere in islam is it made obligatory for women!!! Get it? It’s not even recommended, only allowed. So women have every right to protect themselves, and their children, from forced polygyny and having to forfeit 75% of a father and a husband. And you have no right to hold it against them!

He goes on to give a lecture to women:

Sisters, if a brother comes to you whose character pleases you, but you don’t like the fact that he has an interest in polygyny, can you please just accept that and be patient with it as opposed to just showing him the door? If you dislike it, out of your inbuilt sense of jealousy, just keep that to yourself. To utter a word against any practise of Islam is to basically say you dislike what Allah has legislated. That’s not a good thing.

No I can not. No woman is obligated to live polygyny. If he is a bigamist, automatically his character will not please me! (Would you be patient if your wife married a second third or fourth husband? If not, you have no moral right to demand it of a woman is my personal thought) You have no right to demand women should keep their jealousy to themselves. Even the mothers of the believers didn’t. Women can accept polygyny as a practise, but refuse to live it themselves. There is no compulsion in islam, right?

Then he gives a few valuable tips to his brothers in faith:

Oh, and brothers – don’t just throw on every sister you have a meeting with that you’re interested in marrying multiple wives. Be sensible and diplomatic about it. And if you’re currently married to more than one wife, then I advise you sincerely to fear Allah with regards to their rights over you.

Yeah! Be a bit diplomatic when you mention to somebody you want to marry that you will eventually want to fall in love with somebody else too, maybe two or three more in fact. Be a bit sensible when you tell her that you will be fucking somebody else every other night or three nights out of four for the rest of her life. Tell her in a sweet and empathic way that you will be on your honeymoon with somebody else when she is giving birth to your baby because you need to be able to fuck while she is suffering post partum bleeding. Don’t be insensitive when you tell her you will be off licking the pussy of another new wife while she is up night after night alone tending your sick children. By all means, try to be a bit diplomatic!!

Good advice!

This post I’m referring to gives us a frightening insight into the sexist ideas of a muslim extremist. It shows exactly to what length his contempt for women will take him. It shows vividly why no sane woman should ever marry a muslim man.

3 thoughts on “If You Want Polygyny, Be Diplomatic when You Tell Your Wife”

You are very nasty and graphic in your speach. Must you use these words? And must you paint such detailed pictures? What do you think this feels like for women who are trying to fight jealousy and share their husbands and want for their cowife to have a good husband? She does not want to know this things!

I don’t know how I missed this one but Mahmoud Ams’ response sure is typical. Well, Mahmoud, on the offhand chance you’re still hanging about here, the fact of the matter is that Fiona is only writing in words what many of us are thinking, whether you like it or not. Did she lie? No….every woman finding herself in Islamic polygyny knows that what Fiona wrote is precisely what she has to live with. You can whitewash it all you want but truth is truth. And as they say, the truth will set you free 🙂