Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Pro Choice means having the right to pick a Halloween costume that looks like an outsourced Mitt Romney.

This Halloween I wanted to be really, really scary. So, I'm going as all the members of Congress.

This Halloween I wanted to dress like Kim Kardashian, but I couldn't round up all the accessories. I didn't have any trouble with the big butt – but all the basketball players are in pre-season training.

People told me I need to do a lot more writing on the fly. But, I refuse to do that because the fly won't stay still.

There's a good reason fish don't eat guacamole. They don't want to be green in the gills.

Charlie Brown is celebrating his 63rd birthday this month. That means I wouldn't make pie out of the great pumpkin because by now it's probably rotten.

I hear the little red-haired girl attended Charlie Brown's birthday party. All I can say is she could have used a good dye job.

Charlie Brown hired Shroeder to provide music at the birthday party. But Shroeder couldn't make it as arthritis in his fingers was flaring up and he couldn't get health insurance because it's a pre-existing condition.

I don't care what anybody says, we're still in a recession. If you don't believe me, consult Charlie Brown's hairline.

I can't prove this, but I'm pretty sure Charlie Brown's teacher spoke English as a second language.

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SUNDAY, OCTOBER 28 – 2:30 PM
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Hillcrest Care Center
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SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 4 – 1:30 PM
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Veteran's Hospital Nursing Center
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SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 10 – 2 PM
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Veteran's Hospital
Westwood (L.A.), CA
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WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 28 – 6 PM
Private Show – Million Laughs Clean Comedy Troupe
Veteran's Hospital Blind Center
Long Beach, CA
** If you would like to book Million Laughs for a fund-raiser or private event, contact Yvonne or Will Morton at will@millionlaughs.com

About Me

I am an award-winning professional journalist and comedy writer. I've written for newspapers, magazines, radio, television, headlining comedians and politicians. I also do standup, inspirational speaking and acting. I'm a Texas native with a drawl that drips slower than molasses. This blog is updated each week, so please come back for a visit.