This domain pre-dates the whole brony thing.

It seems to me that food should be treated more like sex; sometimes you do it for pleasure, and sometimes for life. On occasion, there may even be an unintentional crossover, which is how happy accidents like me come about. All things being equal, I would always choose a tasty meal over something bland, but the sad reality of the world is that good food usually takes effort and/or money.

If you know me well, you know that I abhor cooking. Cooking a good meal just to please myself seems pointless, as I could gain far higher and longer lasting levels of pleasure in the amount of time it would normally take to cook something nice. If I can keep my food preparation and consumption down below 10 minutes, I can devote all that extra time to those more pleasurable pursuits. I’m sure you’re thinking of lecherous things at this point, but I’m talking about good clean wholesome fun, like Bible reading and quilting.

The only circumstance in which cooking seems like a good idea is if you’re trying to please someone else. But even then, why not leave it to a real chef, like Chef Boyardee?

The reason I bring up this topic is that I went grocery shopping last night and spent some time looking at the canned meats. One thing that caught my eye was a “chicken spread”. I’m keen on chicken salad, but it always seems like so much trouble, with the chicken and the mayo and the mixing. And how is the chicken supposed to get cooked anyway? If I could just open a can and spread it… wow, that’s neat. The only thing better would be if they gave you a squeeze bottle where you could just squirt the chicken out. I figured this would be a wonderful combination of ease and deliciousness.

Of the canned meats, I’ve done the SPAM, eel, corned beef hash, sardines, Vienna sausages, herrings and even Gefilte fish. I think this might be my first spreadable meat.

I opened a can today and put it over some lettuce (actually spreading it onto bread seemed needlessly troublesome). I was a little surprised to see that it didn’t look much like chicken salad. I couldn’t actually detect any chicken chunks, as the whole thing was a big glob of paste. But hey, that’s great; I don’t even need teeth to eat this stuff!

You know, aside from a little bit too much salt, as is common with canned meats, it was pretty ok. I can see myself stocking up on some more. Be forewarned though, this is one of those foods that makes you want to puke a little bit after eating it. If you can handle that, I fully recommend you give it a try.