Tours de Farce: The Impossible Dream

Sometimes, while we're looking over the new listings for Cher, or fine-tuning the schedules for Aaron Lines and Deborah Coleman, we can't help but wonder about the new tours and they're relationship to society.

Of course, we don't have to tell you that. You and millions like you who start each day with a healthy helping of dates for Evan Dando and Hate Eternal, already grasp the positive influence of the new tours upon a body and how concert routings such as Graham Colton and Austin Lounge Lizards provide the spark to face yet another day in an otherwise dreary existence.

Wouldn't it be grand if everyone felt as you do? And furthermore, wouldn't life be wonderful if everyone could pick up the torch of concert information, pass it on to their brethren, and in doing so, spread to near and far the exquisite joy found in the listings for Aerosmith and Bryan Adams?

A utopian vision, you say? Perhaps. But there's no denying that deep, internal glow that rises from the depths of one's bowels and spreads to the heart, liver and lungs, that effervescent blush that engulfs the body when looking at the venues in which Andrew W.K. will play or the cities that will host The Holmes Brothers or The Dead. For the new tours are like haggis for the soul, deep, rich and satisfying, yet a total mystery to those who refuse to believe.

But you do believe! Yes, you and millions like you who come to our site in hopes of obtaining that lift, that boost to the spirit that only the itineraries for great acts like The Pretenders and Tony Danza can provide. Like a balm covering a gaping, hideous wound, like a touch of iodine for a thirsty goiter, we present free concert information, including the latest routings for The Rolling Stones and James Taylor, thus providing you with the tranquility and contentment needed to get through this thing called life.

And we won't rest until the entire world hears us out. For if everyone just took a few minutes a day to look over our concert listings, like Michael McDonald in Chicago on October 25, there's no telling what could happen. We could cure cancer, make war obsolete and maybe even get Springsteen to start his shows on time.