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From ATA World Volume 19, Number 3 Fall
2012
As a martial artist, courtesy and respect should be second nature. “Yes, ma’am”
and “No, sir” roll off your tongue without hesitation, and you don’t think twice
about holding a door or deferring to the experience of your elders.

But what about when you step off the mat and pick up your smartphone, or sit
down in front of your computer? Do your manners leave the minute you log on?

“Simply because we’re corresponding online does not mean the traditional ways of
respecting one another do not apply,” says Thomas Farley (aka “Mister Manners”),
a New York-based manners expert and author.

The good news? You don’t have to learn a whole new set of rules. Practicing good
etiquette online isn’t that different from being respectful and courteous in the
real life you’re living in the real world.

Think Before You Send, Post, or “Like”
Instant communication means our fingers often move faster than our judgment.
Before hitting send, “like,” or re-tweeting something, take a minute to re-read,
especially if you’re a little hot under the collar.

“If someone would say something online that I found offensive, instead of just
replying quickly, I walk away,” she says. “Usually after an hour I’ve cooled
down and I don’t want to say what I wanted to say anymore.”

Share Information Responsibly
“Children are growing up in a generation and in a culture where you pretty much
put everything and anything out there, and it can come back to haunt you,” says
Farley.

Talk with your kids about responsible sharing, what is appropriate to post
online and what isn’t. And then model good behavior on your own Facebook page.

Safety First
More than just gaffes in etiquette, social media sites can pose serious risks
for kids.

“It’s important for parents to be monitoring what their kids are doing on
Facebook,” says Farley. “Explain to them the importance of not accepting friend
requests from strangers and not over-sharing.”

Master Tina Newberry, 6th Degree Black Belt and owner of Leaders for Life
Martial Arts in Champaigne, Ill., sets boundaries to protect her daughters, but
if your kids have proven themselves trustworthy, she says it’s also important to
show that you trust them.

“I never allow my [kids] to communicate with anyone that they don’t know,” she
says. “I get the right to check their text messaging for content at any time; I
don’t go overboard with that, though. I try to trust them more than I don’t
trust them.”

To Err Is Human
With all the texts, emails, tweets, and posts you send out in a day, it’s
inevitable that you’ll slip up. What’s important is how you handle it.

When Ravedutti was in high school, she “liked” a negative Facebook post about
another friend.

“Even though I didn’t say anything bad, I was still a part of it,” she says.
“It’s guilty by association.”

Once she realized her mistake, Ravedutti opted to apologize face-to- face, which
Farley agrees is a good etiquette move.

“A tweeted apology is not the same as a real apology,” he says. “If you really
mean it, say it in person.”

With that iPhone or BlackBerry never more than a few inches away, it can be
tempting to give your device priority over conversations with real people, good
times with the friends in front of you, or quality parenting moments with your
kids. Brush up on these tips for pulling out your smartphone in the presence of
others.

Say it to their faces.
It’s hard (and annoying) to carry on a conversation with the top of someone’s
head. Give the conversation partner that’s right in front of you priority over
text messages and emails, and keep the friends on your phone in your pocket or
purse.

Stack it up.
“I’m a big fan of the cell phone stack concept,” says Farley. “If you’re out to
dinner with friends, at the start of the dinner, you all put your phones in a
pile in the middle of the table. The first person who cannot resist and picks up
his or her phone also is stuck picking up the tab.”

Silent is golden.
Make it a habit to turn off or silence your phone if you’re in a setting where
it might disturb or distract those around you (think movie theaters, libraries,
meetings, your dojahng, and tournaments).

Forget the phone (on purpose).
If you can’t resist the temptation to tap out a text in a place where your phone
could distract others, “don’t even have it on your person,” says Farley. It
might feel weird to be without your device, but “you’ll be amazed you can
actually get by without the phone for an hour or two.”