What The World Needs Now: Another Semi-Amusing Blog

People frequently ask me why I blog. [Not a single person has ever asked me that but it’s important to the set-up here, so go with it, OK?] There are many reasons, but the most compelling is that I blog because my mom makes me.

Yes, I’m 51 years old and capable of making my own decisions. But my mom is capable of nagging me nonstop, and according to my mom, the entire world loves my blog. It’s just easier not to argue.

Mom: You know, absolutely everyone is telling me how thrilled they are that you’re blogging again.

Me: Who is everyone?

Mom: Everyone! All my friends, all of their friends, the entire state of Florida and obviously everyone living on any of the Delmarva beaches. Obviously. Plus, your cousins in Wyoming.

Me: We don’t have any cousins in Wyoming. We’re Jewish.

Mom: But if we did have cousins in Wyoming, I guarantee they would be reading your blog, and loving it. Just like everyone else does.

Me: Mom, you’re getting a little carried away.

Mom: I’m not saying this because of me! I’m telling you, people stop me in the street to tell me how much they enjoy your blog, and how talented you are, and I let them all know you’re working on your second book.

Me: Mom! I’m not working on a second book. There is no second book. No book is forthcoming.

Mom: Well you say that now honey, but I feel like there is another book in you, and it’s going to come out.

Me: That makes it sound like I have a stomach ache and whether I like it or not I’m going to have to puke.

Mom: Can you hold on? Someone is coming in on call-wait.

Me:

Mom: That was your cousin in Idaho. She was calling to tell me she loves your blog and was also asking when your second book is coming out. I told her it should be out by the end of the year.

Me: Mom! We don’t have any cousins in Idaho. We’re Jewish! Besides, no one lives in Idaho. It’s a myth. And there is no second book!

Mom: Listen honey, I’m going to let you go because I know you’re working on your blog and your next book.

Me: Are you &%$#^&&@ kidding me?

Anyway, for the millions and millions of you reading my blog (insert massive eye roll here), thank you. To my imaginary cousins everywhere, there is no second book. And to my mom, I love you, and if it’s that important to you that I write another book…I’m still not doing it!

I’m doomed.

P.S. To the many Jewish people who no doubt live in Wyoming and Idaho (if those two places truly exist), my apologies. This is comedy folks. Go with it.

You know I’ve found cousins we never knew about and they as well as everyone else are thrilled with your blog. Everyone is excited about your second book and don’t forget to start working on your one woman show!