Confessions of a friend-zoned lover

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Love, a four letter word, a joke to some, a penance to many and a dream to most. I’ve always been a drifter, simply moving, no destination, no ambition, just a thirst for something different, something to give meaning to an existence, whose cons made profound by the solitude that stands out as the most describing feature of this life, and how ironic would it be, that I should find a girl, that changes my life by simply being a part of it. For the first time, for the longest time, I felt like I had an aim, like I wanted something more than just a daily dose of entertainment. I needed more than a friend, I needed to mean to someone more than anyone else did.

It was the best part of my life so far and I will forever cherish it, even though it was a failure, even though we don’t talk anymore, even though I have to write blogs to say the words, I couldn’t bring myself to say, to people who have no relation to this whatsoever. Yet, here I am. Why? I do not know. I guess I hoped someone could connect and know they are not alone, or may be, I am the one hoping I am not alone. Its funny, how the one person who you couldn’t imagine a day without talking to, is the person that makes you turn your head, hoping to NOT be recognised. Is this what all the jokes, talks, my obnoxious staring, my limitless caring, my love and my ambition led to? A bunch of memories that still makes me sigh in regret, and yet I would still never have it any other way.

For some reason, I would always lap up any bullshit she gave me, I would help her even when she never asked, because no matter how much she hurt me, it was unintentional, and moreover my fault. But even as every song reminds me of her in some way or other, I would try to push out thoughts and memories of many of the moments we spent together, many of the times when I messed up, trying to impress her, and yet I could never forget that beautiful face, but most importantly that beautiful soul she had. She was everything anyone could hope to be. She was fun, popular, beautiful, sports star, house captain, from a well off household, the makings of an all rounder, who you would expect to be egoistic, but just the nicest person ever. Ego and hate just never existed in her dictionary.

That, along with everything else that made her, well, her, just made me love her more by the day. I could barely make some happy if I tried, yet she made me happy, everyday just by walking in to class. How she did that, I still wonder. But deep down, a part of me still loves her, not in the way I did before, but simply love her for the person she was, more accurately respect her for how she influenced me, intentionally and unintentionally. I guess I always looked up to her. The way she was loved by all. The way she cared, not because she should, but because she could.

Even now, if anyone asks me for my favourite superhero, I would say batman, but in my mind, I would guiltily utter her name. One, she existed, unlike comic book heroes, and yes, she didn’t have super speed, laser sight etc etc, but as Christopher Nolan rightly pointed out in The Dark Knight Rises, a hero can be anyone, even someone doing something as simple as putting a coat around a young boy’s shoulder, telling him, the world hadn’t ended. She was that kind of hero. She motivated people when they needed it. She motivated me to be better than myself. When she rejected me because she had only seen me as a friend, she said, “Go and be the great person I know you can be…. And make me regret this decision.”

I was awed by the purity in that soul. She didn’t use her strength to help people, like batman or superman, she gave people the strength to help themselves in times of crisis, so that next time, they didn’t need her help. She made them independent, she made ME independent. Even today as I enjoy people’s praises on my writing, I would forever credit my literary success, if any, to the girl that broke my heart, not by harsh words or actions, but by being too pure to be human. It’s such moments that make me realise, love is not a burden, it is not a sin and most importantly, it is not a responsibility or a requirement for a complete life. It is merely a treat meant to be enjoyed while it lasts, enjoyed even when it fails, for it only leads to something better.

As cringy as it may sound, it took a girl’s presence in my life to see why the whole “spread love not hate” is a cliché. Its been done so many times because of how effective and beautiful it is. Today, I try to help others realize the dream I have yet to achieve myself, and yet I shall always cherish the fact that, of all the mistakes I’ve made in my life, loving her without being loved back was never one of them

Written by GUEST writer ARAVIND

My name is Arvind K , I’m an undergraduate student from India who tried to seek love and, well, failed miserably. But I’ve heard that successful writers are born from an unsuccessful love story and by that logic, I could equal the likes of Shakespeare and in the midst of those failures, I found an escape in writing, saying the words I could never say to to total strangers. It sounds sad, friend zoned lover writing about his crush, and it’s cliché to the maximum level possible, and maybe some more, but hey, it makes for a good story, doesn’t it? Lover boy, stealing hearts with a broken one… Or is that just me?

well, lets just take a moment to thank Aravind, an extra-ordinary writer a word of appreciation for magically putting down his thoughts and words down into paper beautifully, i am glad we can appreciate content that empowers emotions and feelings. There is always room for talent and you know there is talent when you feel it. thank you Aravind and if you truly enjoyed this blog , comment down below your thoughts and share us your opinion. Always remember to spread love.

Wow! I really love you article! Why everyone can relate to the topic if it’s about LOVE? Very powerful word. And I enjoy reading your story. I was hurt and broken for so many times but still waiting for the right one. Just wait for it and you’ll have it the right time.

Aravind, this is a touching story and one with which I can deeply relate, but I must say, based on my experience and having listened to many, I believe you will love again and many times and in many ways in your time. Have faith in that, my friend.