This Week's Leaders in Military Brides

MOH Dress Disaster

My MOH lives in a different state, so it is making dress shopping difficult. I don’t expect her to always drive to me, so after a few failed attempts, we decided that she would go to a shop near her home that has the same designer as one near my home. Gave her the name of the designer and the color. Now here is the issue. She ordered her dress, from a different designer than discussed and not the shade of blue we had discussed. She didn’t even call me before ordering. Said there was only one dress in the entire store that looked good on her, so she ordered it. Do I suck it up and move on? She said it can’t be cancelled, and I’m not sure how to handle this.

Re: MOH Dress Disaster

My MOH lives in a different state, so it is making dress shopping difficult. I don’t expect her to always drive to me, so after a few failed attempts, we decided that she would go to a shop near her home that has the same designer as one near my home. Gave her the name of the designer and the color. Now here is the issue. She ordered her dress, from a different designer than discussed and not the shade of blue we had discussed. She didn’t even call me before ordering. Said there was only one dress in the entire store that looked good on her, so she ordered it. Do I suck it up and move on? She said it can’t be cancelled, and I’m not sure how to handle this.

Yes. Since it is just your MOH it will look purposeful. At the end of the day, it won’t matter.

I think your MOH should've let you know that she wanted/needed to buy something other than what you had discussed before she made an order that couldn't be changed. Having said that, I don't recommend dying on this hill. Unless she bought something in an outrageously different color or style from what you requested, I'm sure it'll look fine and people will probably hardly notice. It's not worth getting into any sort of dispute with her.

I agree with @missJeanLouise, since it is your MOH it will look purposeful. Often the MOH will wear a different color/dress than the rest of the bridal party. NBD. I do think she should have told you she couldn't find what you asked her to get but can't do anything about that now.

I wouldn't call this a "disaster" but I'd be really fucking annoyed with her. Who does that? Even if you chose something that doesn't look good on everyone (e.g. strapless, fit and flare, etc.), she should have talked to you about it.

As annoying as it is, I'd roll with it. Some people even put their MOH in a different color on purpose:

I agree that this was kind of a dick move on the part of your MOH. And TBH I think she bought it without asking you because she knew you'd say no. BUT it is what it is, and if I had to guess, dress buying was a little stressful for her. As @southernbelle0915 points out the purposeful different MOH is kind of a look and will probably end up looking like you did it on purpose

Also - how many BMs do you have and did they get their dresses yet? If not, it may be worth just telling them they can have a little more leeway now so you get a full mismatched party instead of one different maid

I was in a wedding once where something similar happened. The bride chose a color and line and told everyone to order from it. She didn't ask us for any opinions or discuss budget. Two of the BMs went shopping together, and found that the line didn't come in plus size, which one needed. They chose what they thought was a very similar color and ordered without saying anything to the bride. (The BM would have been mortified to have the bride telling everyone that we needed to change our dress orders because of her size.) When we got to the day of the wedding, you could tell that the colors were different.

They wedding went on just fine. No one cared that we were in two different shades and it was still lovely. Yes, this MOH probably should have said something about it to the bride before ordering, but there may have been a reason to choose something different (price, size, flattery, etc) and it might not have been something she felt comfortable bringing up with OP or being shared with the rest of the WP. It's not going to ruin the wedding, and it's worth giving her the benefit of the doubt.