20. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won’t bother you for weeks.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY

“Experts say that because of higher gas prices, fewer families will travel this past weekend. That’s a shame. I can’t imagine growing up without an 18-hour ride through the desert with my father who’s too cheap to turn the air conditioning on.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“Yesterday, a group of scientists warned that because of global warming, sea levels will rise so much that parts of New Jersey will be under water. The bad news? Parts of New Jersey won’t be under water.” –Conan O’Brien

“A new study found that students who use Facebook while studying have 20 percent lower grades than students who focus. When kids who use Facebook heard that they were like, ’20 percent? Big deal. What’s that, like 10 percent?'” -Jimmy Fallon

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

When our client’s dog lapped up anti-freeze, the veterinarian I work for ordered a unique treatment: an IV drip mixing fluids with vodka. “Go buy the cheapest bottle you can find,” he told me.

At the liquor store, I was uneasy buying cheap booze so early in the day, and I felt compelled to explain things to the clerk. “Believe it or not,” I said, “this is for a sick dog.”

As I was leaving, the next customer plunked down two bottles of muscatel and announced, “These are for my cats.”

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Who fights a crazy person?”

Answer:Coupe De Ville! Oooh, a tough one to end with! Let’s face it, the three guys in the Coupe are right – “who fights a crazy person?” Good movie. And remember, “Louie Louie” is a “sea shanty!”

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Just remember, kid: there are heroes, and there are legends. Heroes get remembered, but legends never die.’

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

We all know that if you weigh yourself on the moon, it is less than your weight on the Earth. Can you tell me something that actually weighs more on the moon than on Earth?

ANSWER: A helium filled balloon; or a balloon filled with any gas lighter than air. Earth’s atmosphere causes a helium balloon to float, thus making it impossible to weigh. On the moon, the lack of atmosphere causes the balloon to sink, allowing it to be weighed. It will only weigh a little bit, but will still be heavier than on earth.

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Answer the clues with a pair of rhyming words.

(plump feline = fat cat)

1. unadorned necklace

2. happy fellow

3. old story

4. dim enamel

5. timid gnat

6. colorless shellfish

7. big boat

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/