Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Ever so often since you’ve been gone
My body starts to shiver
I think it’s giving up on me
The tall tower raised inside of me is leaning
My solid foundation is ridden with cracks
Rock center all pieces resting on each other for support
Keystone jutting out so ready to slip and fall onto dead earth
If a breath of wind came inside and pushed through the cracks
I would crumble
And I crumble
I am shivering right now. I crumble every day.
The only breath it takes is a memory or emotion
Spawned by the fact that you are living and breathing and I know that
I cannot live and know you are alive
I cannot live and know that she is alive
I watch the footprints you leave in the world
Evidence is everywhere that you still exist
Memories like time travel bring me back to recent realities
So when I visit another day and sit in that moment in that time and place in your arms
When you and I knew we would love each other forever
When I could not imagine a world apart
When I knew you loved me and you told me
That you need nothing else
Fear bleeds a furious river
Someone who promised to love you
Someone who loved you
Someone who stood tall like the tower I once was
An unwaivering heart of iron
A permanent fixture
I am standing on the biggest bridge in the world
And it is collapsing right now as I stand on it
You were the sturdiest ground I have ever stood on
And now that ground is dust in air
How can I stand?
How can I walk?
I cannot trust the ground to hold my feet above it
The only solace I can have is in the bliss of ignorance
The only defense known to man is to forget, hide, and mask these kinds of wounds
I’ve never been a fan of caves
So I resign myself to this fucking field open to the winds
Already collapsing
Beyond destruction
Accepting that I live broken
Life as dust
Put your cock in my mouth and pull the fucking trigger
I am your trash
You are my terrorist