Monday, July 8, 2013

Is this how you felt when I was away?

I've been debating on whether or not to write tonight. To be honest, with a blog name that contains the words "lovin' life," sometimes it's hard to sit down and write when I feel like I'm not particularly loving life at that moment. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's not like I've spiraled into a deep dark depression where the only treatment I cling to is the bottle (or have I?), it's just that today's thoughts were mostly somber and mostly on the "non-loving" side of things.

In fact, this morning, I told The Dizzle, "I think I'm just going to have a sad day today, okay?" Because sometimes I just think we need to allow ourselves those days, you know?

So here's what was on my mind: Travel.

Not surprising, I know.

But here's the thing:

I spent a wonderful half of a year, as you know, traveling to amazing places, and seeing the world. Then, those six months came to an end and we made the decision to move to San Francisco. And now here we are, making a little home for ourselves. And we're really, truly loving it. Every so often, we'll look at each other and say, "This is our little home, Boo. Don't you love it?" And yeah, we really do. After not having a place to call home for so long, it's been great building this one together.

But, you see, this is where I'm having trouble.

Soon after we got back from our travels, my mom went to China for a 3 week exploration and cruise. And then shortly after that, my dad went to Australia for 10 wonderful days. Then my brother went to Jamaica on a chiropractic mission trip. My old roomie went to London and Paris. Another friend is heading to Spain with her husband to trek the El Camino de Santiago in the Fall!

And it's weird, because prior to my own travels, I never felt this strongly about it. I mean, yeah, sure, I'd always say, "Aw, that's so cool, I wish I could do something like that, blah, blah, blah" then I'd move on and get over it like the rest of the world because that's just so unrealistic for me to do and you're just a lucky B.
But now, now I feel this ache and this tug on my heart strings and this sadness mixed with happiness for them but mostly just jealousy because I so want to be back to my days of exploration and travel. And these emotions are so much stronger because I know now. I know what it feels like to be filled with the excitement that you get when you finally feel the plane land in a new and foreign country. I know what it's like to wake up with the whole day ahead of you to explore some place new, with no other responsibilities on your plate. I know what it's like to say, "Hey, you want to see the Eiffel Tower today?" or "Let's take the scooter down to the beach and just lay there all day and then frolick in the ocean followed by a $7 massage! Because why not?! We're in Thailand!"
And I should just feel incredibly thankful and fortunate that I had my time. And I do. I promise I do. But it's hard to see other people doing it now when I'm not. Call it the selfish, inner 5-year old child coming out, who knows.

But I'll tell you what. These feelings I'm having are great sources of motivation to not just sit on my butt all day and mope (Okay, minus today. Today, I did just that.), but instead to focus on what I want and how to make that happen. Travel isn't necessarily in the cards for us right now because we chose to do the San Francisco living thing for awhile. But it certainly isn't off the table. A little patience (ha!) and diligent saving will ensure that we can get back out there in no time!

So friends, family, keep on traveling without me! Get out there and see the world (as if you needed my permission). These will be some of the best days of your life! And one day, yes, one day, you'll see me back out there too.

But until then, when I have my sad, little mopey days, staring longingly at your travel photos on Instagram, at least I know I can count on The Dizzle to make me some comfort food, give me a big hug, and just let me have my sad day.

27 comments:

I definitely know how you feel! I feel that way almost the entire year, and then we go on a crazy vacation which is completely awesome, but then we have to come back which is totally sad. However, every time we get back, there is always that reminder that you save like crazy and work your butt off because next year there will be another adventure. My fiance only gets about two to three weeks of vacation a year and we're definitely not able to do what you guys did, so we take what we can get. Sometimes I wonder what amazing jobs people have that they can afford to constantly take time off and travel to all sorts of places. It's like as soon as they get back from one adventure, they're traveling a month later. I wish I knew their secret! We're headed to Australia in September for three weeks. I'm so excited, but at the same time there is that little part of me that knows we won't travel again for a long time when we get back. I suppose that's all the more reason to enjoy it when you can.

I get how you feel except I have never and probably will never travel for 6 months! You lived the dream girl and it's hard to go back to the hum drum reality where your life basically centers around work. Boo!! I really just try not to think about it too much. I really need to write my novel, sell it and get rich so I can travel!!

I don't think how you're feeling is that strange. I can't imagine traveling the world for 6 months and then just BAM, be back to good ole American 9-5 grind. I'm sure you'll find some sort of balance and be traveling again too :) You can always explore here too. There are some pretty cool places in 'Mercia too.

Sounds like travel withdraws :(. But it seems like you truly have a great attitude about the situation and that you're embracing this moment in the here and now. And for days that just suck and you struggle with "embracing," be sad. You're right, it's allowed!

Yes, this is how I felt while you were away, too! Very happy and excited for you for all the awesome experiences you were having, but totally sad that I wasn't having them too. I've tried to view it this way - we're still young. We have DECADES ahead of us to do all the traveling we want to do. Your mom and dad are perfect examples of that. One of my law school friend's mom just retired and she has been traveling nonstop ever since - Chile, Hawaii, Peru, Brazil, China, Japan, Thailand, Mexico. In fact, at one point she said, "I have a month until my next big trip so I think I'll go to New York for a week or two." How awesome is that?? Just because our 20s are coming to an end (or in my case, totally over) doesn't mean our travel days have to come to an end, too. :)

Ugh. I totally understand. All my friends are traveling to the most awesome places right now. And even though I was blessed enough to go on a 3 week backpacking trip in Europe in March and April, it still doesn't quite satiate my wanderlust. I just want to go EVERYWHERE! ;) But girl, you're allowed a sad day every once in a while, even if your blog name has "lovin life" in the title. :)

A direct response to your post title... Yes! Totally. I got back from 6 months in Australia in September last year. I had all these big intentions for the stuff I would do when I was there, and none of it went to plan. I remember looking at your travel photos and being insanely jealous of what you guys were up to, and it made me regret the things I had chosen to do (and not do). I totally get your feelings. It's so hard. But we've done it, and that's gotta count for something. Keep your chin up, lady. There's some people out there that dream of having your life! :)

I understand how you feel. I spent 2 years living in London, and I couldn't wait to get back to the USA. Now that I am back, I want nothing more than to be back in London. It is hard to see Instagrams and Facebook posts from friends still living in London. Maybe you could plan a small weekend getaway to someplace close? That has helped me when I have the urge to travel the world. Hope the sad, mopey days won't last long.

I hear you! But also remember that it is possible to set up a life for yourself and to still take the time to travel. There are so many places in our own backyards, weekend trips and just over our borders. And the rest of the world is only a plane trip away... It's possible to do both if you set your mind to it :)

I hear you! But also remember that it is possible to set up a life for yourself and to still take the time to travel. There are so many places in our own backyards, weekend trips and just over our borders. And the rest of the world is only a plane trip away... It's possible to do both if you set your mind to it :)

I know how you feel, sometimes when you see what is going on outside of your world you want a piece of it. I read this quote that said happiness is found when you stop comparing your life to everyone else's.I think that is true, we wouldn't be so down about our lives if we weren't looking at what other people were doing. I love to travel too, but you still got an amazing opportunity to travel for a year which is more than most people get. You will travel again, just enjoy life and it will come.

i know exactly how you feel, exactly.i see pictures of people going on amazing honeymoons, and constant vacations.its hard for me, i haven't had a real vacation for about 4 or more years.my husband and i have never had a real vacation.we work so hard and barely make it, it makes me wonder what i'm doing wrong, how come we can't do those things.but i just tell myself that it will work, one day, i'll get my vacation.we will get to travel and get to explore.

Aww I know how you feel, all my friends are off studying abroad/vacationing/travelling while I'm stuck here & it makes no sense because I absolutely LOVE traveling! Been doing it since I was 6 months old & I've seen over 5 countries!. It's just that right now it's not possible :P Oh wells, tis life. So yeah, I know exactly what you mean :P Hope you feel better *virtual hug* & hope all of us can go exploring soon :)

uhm, yeah, i feel you BIG time especially when I see the Pillow's pictures he sends me via phone of his business travels. If only I can take any days off of work to tag along with him... which I'm going to in August. I told my boss & co-workers "PEOPLE! I'M TAGGING ALONG WITH THE BEAU IN AUGUST!!! YOU BETTER LET ME!"

Currently the Beau is in Switzerland, with Netherlands to follow. Grrrr... I need to just quit and join him. haha...

1.) Is that soup homemade? If so, lets forget about that chili cookoff, and just have Verner bring us over some of that. Like NOW.2.) I get the WORST travel nostalgia. I feel so lucky to have done so many cool things, but sometimes, I sit around and miss the baboons and africa so much it hurts and I almost wish I never went so I could never miss it. Ridiculous.3.) Come to Mexico with us in October! I mean, not exotic, but fun!