This is a tough one to deal with. We all know this person. They try so hard to please everyone, that they end up pleasing no one. So, what does this stem from?

Insecurity. Life altering, crippling insecurity. People often try to build up their own self-esteem by doing things for others, often more than they do for themselves. They mistakenly feel that if they do more, then they will be loved. The honest truth is that genuine love can’t be bought. It is a blessing, a gift from God that enriches our lives and teaches us about Him. We cannot earn it. It is a gift.

​But what is the effect of working ourselves to buy love and respect? First, the more a person tries to earn the love of others, then the harder they have to work to satisfy that insecure feeling inside. So, they work more, to earn more, to feel better – around and around we go. And what has happened in my own life is that my insecure person ends up taking things away from others, so that they may themselves feel better. The things that they were doing were not enough so they ended up taking away from others. It has crossed over into bullying sometimes. The truth is that you can never work hard enough or do enough to make these insecure feelings go away. They will forever be inside of you, growing and festering until you learn to deal with them.

​And what is the cost? Relationships. This kind of thinking kills any love that may have been earned. It is hurtful and painful to the person that is having important things constantly taken away from them so that someone else can feel better about themselves. We tell ourselves that it is no big deal, the other person needs this more than I do, this person is broken inside, turn the other cheek—but when this kind of behavior goes on year after year, or in my case, decade after decade, it does some serious damage.The Bible addresses this in 1 Corinthians 12:21Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.15 Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. 16 And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. 17 If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? 18 But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. 19 If they were all one part, where would the body be? 20 As it is, there are many parts, but one body.21 The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” 22 On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, 23 and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, 24 while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, 25 so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. 26 If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.We are all part of the body of Christ, if not another family here on earth. For one member to put down, trash, or push aside another member is telling that person that they are not important, and they have no value. To devalue another human being is not what Christ taught us. It is not why He came here to die. We should not put one another down and try to take their self-worth so that we can feel better about ourselves. Rather, look to God for your value, not man. God is the giver of all things, including self-value, self-esteem, and our true value and worth. If you need a purpose in life, look to God for the answers, not by trying to earn in with your fellow man and family.

I had the pleasure of spending this past Monday with my mom and my aunt (her sister), something that I get precious little time to do. We had a great brunch, spent some time sight-seeing, then settled down for an afternoon of catching up. During that time, some interesting things came up.

Now, without boring you to tears, or shaming anyone, we had a very interesting conversation. The afternoon boiled down to two main points:

When history repeats itself, why are we powerless to stop it? and, moreover,

Have you ever done something completely stupid, for no good reason? or no good bad reason, for that matter?

For me it all boils down to Paul. The Apostle Paul. He put it best in the book of Romans when he said: What I should do, I do not do. What I should not do, I do that too. What I do do, I should not do... What I do do, is doo-doo... (Lori's loose translation)

In other words, welcome to the human race. We all do doo-doo (stupid stuff). The true measure of a Christian, is what we do in the aftermath of our stupidity (sinfulness) and how we take care of the others that may have been wronged by our actions.

Love one another. It is our greatest command. Forgive one another. Protect one another.

Oh, and get used to the stupid-thing. I don't see it going away anytime soon! Just sayin'.

If you don't remember the story of the prodigal son, let me summarize in a nutshell - a spoiled little rich kid didn't want to have to work for a living because his father was quite wealthy. He wanted his inheritance while his father was still alive because he didn't want to have to wait for it. So, his father, loving his son, gave him the money and sent him on his way. The money was squandered (big surprise) in a very short period of time (bigger surprise) and the son ended up working with slaves, slopping the pigs. He had a revelation, and went back home to beg his father's forgiveness, where he got it.

This story is multi-faceted. It is a story about forgiveness, about arrogance, about sin, greed, and familial relationships. You see there was another brother, that never demanded anything, stayed at home, and continued to work for his father. He was the obedient son. When the older son came home the father threw a feast, and the younger brother got mad. I have always identified with this brother.

My family relationships are very complicated. They carry a lot of unhealed hurt, and a sense that by controlling others you can control your pain. We have prodigals that have left because of their interpreted pains, and an underlying criticism because I don't feel those same pains. There is also a tremendous amount of hurt that is carried forward by abusive relationships in generations past. That abusive cycle has been broken, but the hurt remains, and this is what people struggle with. Throw into that the sheer size of my extended family, and it all makes for a very interesting family holiday.

Jesus understood the pain that people feel. He came to try to get people to understand that you don't have to carry that hurt around with you, or worse yet, wrestle with it your whole life trying to control it. Wresting with hurt is like wresting with the devil. You will never win. The ONLY way to get rid of it for good, is to release it. Let it go. This doesn't mean to forget, because I don't know that our human selves can ever do that, but you can make the decision not to allow it to hurt you anymore. Other people will often hurt you when they are coming from a place of hurt. That took me a long time to understand. They justify their behaviors because of the hurt they feel. Someone else hurt them so that makes it okay for them to hurt you. It does not. But if you choose not to allow that hurt, then you can be the example of healing.