Be unlike Bridget: Etiquette for the season

Be unlike Bridget: Etiquette for the season

Photograph by: Screengrab
, YouTube/Bridget Jones' Diary

Marching into the holiday season armed only with the advice to “not drink too much at the office Christmas party” does you no favours. There are many more things to be mindful of while socializing with colleagues, a group of friends or even your own family.

To provide you a better defense against etiquette injustice we turned to civility expert, Charles MacPherson, owner of Charles MacPherson Academy, the only accredited school in North America for Butlers and Household Managers, for some pointers to help you maintain your reputation (and dignity!) this season and beyond the holidays.

Because the holidays offer opportunities to mingle in company you might seldom see, knowing good conversation starters, and the ones to avoid, will help you get off on the right foot, whether you’re meeting somebody for the first time or rekindling an old friendship.

Generally, keep politics, religion and careers off the table too. Comments like, “thank God the Democrats won!” even if that’s how you feel and assume they do too, can ignite unwelcome debate - says Charles, “These questions may open a Pandora’s box of emotions that are not appropriate at a social gathering”.

But also, be mindful when asking questions of a more personal nature. People are especially sensitive to those questions with more judgmental connotations. Asking someone if they’re still single is an obvious no-no (we all remember that Bridget Jones dinner scene!) Also, questions like “How is the job search going?” or “Is your divorce over and final yet?” are never appropriate.

Instead, MacPherson recommends preparing your conversation well in advance, soaking up days’ worth of lighter current events before visiting. Other than starting with the boring ole adage of the weather, reading the newspaper for several days before you attend a party will give you plenty of topic areas to choose from, and witty replies to someone’s else’s comments.

You could also start a conversation by commenting on an item you like in your host’s home, like “I love that painting! Who is the artist?” The point is to pick a positive topic on neutral ground, which is more factual than personal or subjective. After all, good conversation is an art.

If you’re hosting a dinner party and you’ve invited your whole slew of friends, despite a couple of them having a less-than-positive history with one another, you shoulder even more responsibility for how things proceed. How do you set up the table? For the seating arrangement MacPherson advises that there absolutely is protocol to follow, known as a “pecking order” or “order of preference”.

At a more formal event, this is often decided by rank of importance (read: wealth) but as the host of a house gathering, you need to take it upon yourself to seat people where conversation will flow easily, like gravy on mashed potatoes. Consider what your guests have in common, what they could discuss, and how they could contribute to their end of the table. Don’t put all the rollicking extroverts on one end and the introverts on the other!

For those two who have shared ill words in the past, avoid stress lingering over the whole table and seat them far apart, while giving them each the same rank and respect in the pecking order. In other words, avoid keeping one at the main table and suggesting the other joins the kids – that would be plain rude.

Finally, as the host try to prepare everything well in advance so you’re yourself at your most sparkling and relaxed. A frazzled host can create a bristled atmosphere. Provide yourself with a few safety nets; easier courses that won’t keep you in the kitchen the whole time, plenty of nibbles to sate guests before the meal, and – of course – keep the beverages flowing… With the right preparation, both you and your guests will be merry and bright!

Stay classy, Canada!

For more tips on etiquette, check out Charles MacPherson on CTV’s The Marilyn Denis Show every Monday, or visit his website at www.charlesmacpherson.com.

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