Training with isometrics can be murderously difficult, even for those whose job it is to basically train for a living.

Let me give you an example: In the December 2014 Men’s Fitness issue, I was behind the scenes as the photoshoot’s fitness technician.

Also known as an fit-tech or exercise tech, this is the person who gives direction to the fitness models and the final thumbs up for the photographer. The responsibilities range from teaching these aesthetic-pleasing models specific movements to just cueing form for perfection.

While overseeing the models’ exercise execution, I noticed they all had the same struggle during their shots. No matter their leanness, vascularity, hypertrophy, or athleticism, the shakes and sweat would ensue.

The cause? You guessed it: isometrics.

Isometrics are static in nature and occur following the eccentric (negative) or concentric (positive) portion of the movement. Within the exercise, the joint angle and muscle length do not change even though the muscle is contracting.

Whether it was holding the bottom of a push-up on TRX, a kettlebell overhead in one sequence of the Turkish Get Up, or the bottom of a split squat, the models had difficulty holding these specific positions.

If even seasoned fitness models were being challenged by these isometrics, perhaps this training method could be the missing piece in your body recomposition puzzle.

Benefits of isometrics include:

Increased time under tension

Improved Lactic Acid Tolerance

Hypertrophy without wear and tear on the joints.

Increase strength in the weak portion of an exercise

Improve mind-muscle connection in specific positions

Create tension in an extreme range of motion

Even Arnold credits his seven Mr. Olympia titles from including isometrics in his own training. Here are some ways to add isometrics to your training repertoire.

THE EXERCISES

You’re not limited to these exercises. While these ones are tried and tested, we encourage you to get creative and try other movements as you go.

Each of them allow for an increased stretch in the isometric position.

BULGARIAN SPLIT SQUAT

These are the definition of quad burning, leg quivering isometrics. When you’re in the bottom position of this exercise, squeeze the glute of the leg that’s on the bench. You’ll need to work hard to maintain an erect position with your upper body as well.

To increase the difficulty, try elevating your front leg.

To decrease the difficulty, regress to the SPLIT SQUAT for one of the repetition techniques below.

PUSH-UP

Nothing special here besides increasing the difficulty by elevating your hands on blocks or with a suspension system like rings or the TRX. To back off, you can elevate your hands or go from the kneeling push-up position.

In this movement and your choices of one repetition technique below, you’ll quickly realize how much core is involved in the push-up. That’s why it’s considered more than just a moving plank.

PULL-UP

You can do this movement in one of two ways. The easiest is from the bottom, hanging position. This is a great way to improve your grip strength, teach your scapula how to “pack” or position itself down and back, and increase your pull-ups and deadlifts.

The second is more difficult and comes from an isometric at the top of the pull-up, where you’re actually over the bar. In this position, you’ll want to think of jamming your elbows into your ribs and maintaining an erect posture. Jump up to the bar to eliminate fatigue from the concentric action of the pull-up.

ROMANIAN DEADLIFT

After these isometrics your hamstrings won’t be very happy the next day. However, your gains in strength in the weak position of the lift will make up for it.

With any of the repetition methods explained below, shove your hips back and create the most intense hamstring stretch possible.

You can step up on a box to enhance the stretch as long as you maintain a neutral spine.

CORE

This is the kicker and where the isometric method may be most effective.

Too many gym goers use every body part possible to complete core movements without even contracting their abdominals, such as violently swinging the legs to complete those hanging leg raises. What a waste.

REPETITION METHODS:

Up The Ladder

Using any of the exercises above or one of your choice, complete the following:

SET 1: 5 seconds ON – 5 seconds OFF

SET 2: 10 seconds ON – 10 seconds OFF

SET 3: 15 seconds ON – 15 seconds OFF

Continue on this path until reaching 50 seconds ON.

The ON is held in the isometric position. So for the push-up, you’d hold 5 seconds in bottom position and then rest for 5 seconds.

Load it UP

Nothing too fancy here. Just adding some iron into the mix and hold the isometric position for a specific length of time.

30 second HOLD

1 minute REST

Complete for 4 to 6 repetitions. You can either increase load or time under tension (in the hold) week to week.

Hold + Rep Hybrid

In this technique, we’re going to blend the isometrics with some explosive repetitions out of the hold.

Hold the stretch position in one of the exercises mentioned above for 20 seconds. Then go immediately into 10 quick repetitions.

You can either rest between sets for 30 to 60 seconds or try going through a few cycles of the hold and rep hybrid. Work up to 10 total sets and reach beast level.

Closing Thoughts

Now that you have the exercises and set techniques, where should you place them in your program?

You can use these in any number of ways, but when you’re first getting started with isometrics, the absolute best way to incorporate them into you program is as finishers.

Speaking generally, isometrics might look simple, but are actually pretty demanding. In the case of the methods suggested above this certainly applies. Further, all of the protocols in this article can tax the nervous and muscular systems pretty heavily—at least to the extent that performing them early in the training session can impede performance on everything to follow.

Applying these techniques as finishers allows you to get the most out of isos without compromising performance on dynamic sets during your workout. That said, you should be prepared for some epic DOMS the next day!

No matter how you choose to use these systems, we’re positive that they can take your training to the next level. Whether you’re looking to build a bit of mass, or be able to model for magazines without embarrassing yourself, a few sets of isometrics can help you on your way.

Master the exercises and methods outlined in this article, and you’ll be able to lose fat and build strength…without even moving a muscle.

Oh. SNAP. Huge news. I am proud to announce that the 2015 RFS Coaching Scholarship Contest is Officially Open, and I want to tell you all about how you can win 8 months of FREE coaching from yours truly. It’s gonna be epic.

Before we get into that, though, I want to tell you why I’m so gattdang excited about it.

For those who don’t know, running the online coaching program is really my favorite part of my job. This isn’t surprising, as it’s the combination of a few of my favorite things: writing, program design, and working hands on with awesome people.

Sure, I can do those things with my in-person clients, but I can’t do it from my sweet office, and they usually get upset if I show up to train them in my underwear. Usually.

There are some other really awesome advantages to working online with clients.

Back when I was training full time in New York, my clients had to fit a certain criteria: they had to live within 10 minutes from where I was training1; they often had to be free in the middle of the day2; and they had to be willing and able to pay my rate, which at the time was about ~$250 per session3.

Clients like that aren’t exactly hard to come by, but the do tend to fall into one of a few categories. As a result, I most found myself training a lot of NYC housewives, some models, and the occasional actor or athlete. Not a bad roster, to be sure, but there’s not a ton of variety.

That’s why I love working with people online. Firstly, it doesn’t matter where you live. You can be right down the street from me4, or in another country. Currently, I’ve got clients in Japan, Germany, Canada, Australia, and all over the UK. In the past, I’ve had people in the Philippines, Sweden, South Africa, and even New Jersey5.

Secondly, online coaching is a much less expensive service, which opens up the doors to a much wider range of clientele. Rather than working with actors and bored housewives, now I get to work with a lot more people on various ends of the age spectrum.

For example, a 20-year old bro getting ready for his first bodybuilding show isn’t in a position to pay $250/hr, but he can definitely afford the monthly rate of online coaching.

Similarly, you’re not going to find too many parents willing to pay that amount for their 17-year old soccer-playing daughter to train in the off season; but a much lower monthly charge for a custom program is a sound investment they’re happy to make.

With online coaching, I get to work with people who really need it, and who are truly motivated.

This brings me to the main reason I love working with clients online—to be perfectly blunt, they’re better clients. And I really mean that.

I’m not saying they’re better people or better athletes, or anything. I’m just saying they’re easier to work with and get better results. Part of this, I think, has to do with the nature of online coaching, and how it creates some filters for self-selection.

What I mean is, people signing up to work with a trainer in an online setting generally have a fair amount of experience. They aren’t first time gym-goers, and they don’t need a lot of hand holding.

While a lot of in-person clients just want someone to count reps for them and talk to them, online clients generally take the whole process more seriously. People who seek out and work with a coach online don’t need (or, usually want) someone in the gym with them; they want real accountability and expert guidance through a great program that’s been designed specifically for them.

Not to mention, self-motived, disciplined, and generally a lot more compliant with nutrition. They don’t go to the gym because someone is there waiting for them; they go because they want to be there, and want to put in the work once they get there.

In short, they’re awesome. And, the crazy part is, the average online client is going to get better results than the average in-person client. How nuts is that? Someone I work with online is going to get better results than someone I see in the gym 2-3 times a week. But, that’s how it shakes out.

Anyway. That’s the gist. I love online coaching because it’s a better experience for me, a much more manageable financial commitment for the client, and all around more fun and effective for everyone.

Even better: I’m able to offer scholarships! Yeah, as I mentioned at the top, you can enter to win FREE entry into the coaching program. For real!

I’ll get to that in a second, but first, lemme give you some deets for anyone who isn’t familiar…

About the RFS Online Coaching Program

Basically, the coaching program allows me to get you in the best damn shape of your entire damn life.

That’s what I do: I make people look awesome, and they feel awesome doing it. I want this to happen for you,which is why I get so jacked up when I open spots in the coaching program.

It really is nuts how excited I am; seriously, I am just as pumped to work with you as I was the very first time I offered online coaching over 10 years ago. Back then, I was writing workouts into an AOL email account. These days, I’m uploading sending out professionally designed coaching packets that are often 25-35 pages long—completely detailing every aspect of training and nutrition you can think of.

What’s more, I’m not just sending out these packets as email attachments; I’m uploading them into the back end of Apotheo, the completely customized coaching software my team and I built from the ground up. The software makes the entire experience even more awesome.

Curious as to what custom coaching software looks like? You can check it out here, in this short video I made for you:

Looking at it now, it’s really amazing how much the program has grown and changed over the past few years.

But one thing that HASN’T changed is the incredible results my clients get—they make changes in their bodies, minds and lives that you have to see to believe. I’ve got an entire page dedicated to client success stories, but let’s just highlight a few right now…

To that, let me introduce you to my client Poli…

Good golly, Ms. Poli. Pretty impressive changes to the boo-tay.

Clients like Poli are always interesting to work with–people who are already in “good” shape but want to get into “great” shape are, counter-intuitively, very often the most doubtful.

You see, I LOVE when I get my hands on these people, because I can really work some magic. As you can see from Poli’s pics, she got rid of her love handles, firmed up her tummy (abs even peaking through!) and COMPLETELY changed the look of her posterior.

It works. It just works. Here’s what Poli had to say about the experience:

“Thank you for helping me create a physique that I didn’t know was even possible to achieve! Especially in such a short amount of time, at my age, with a minimum amount of supplementation and without much complication. Everybody talks about how slimmer I look and how beautiful my arms and back look!”

You see, with clients who have been actively pursuing a better better are always kind of experiencing that “I‘ve tried everything” feeling. And when you feel like you’ve tried everything, it’s not hard to see how you’d be skeptical that a coach could help.

Before we go into that, I need to touch on something. Those of you who have been subscribers for a while know that I keep a pretty small roster—in fact, I try not to work with more than a few dozen clients at any given time.

You see, even with the extreme efficiency of Apotheo allowing me to stay organized and be more productive, the coaching program is still very time consuming for me. I only want to work with people who are going to put in some time and effort to get what they want, be it a better body, a more fulfilling job, or a better life.

Which is why you can’t just “sign up” — you need to apply (or win a scholarship!).

You’re applying because you get a lot…being a coaching client means the get you all of the following things:

Customized training and nutrition plans (based on the equipment you have, how much time you can devote to training, what you eat)

Exclusive and unlimited access to brand new software completely tailored for me and my clients

…I want you to wait a moment—because I want to tell you how you can do exactly that…for FREE.

About the RFS Coaching Scholarship

Aaaahhh, now we come to the good stuff!

As I said, I’m giving away FREE coaching. And not just to one person, but FIVE. That’s right. Five coaching scholarships, each worth over $2500, giving you access to every single aspect of the coaching program.

TRUE STORY – we only do this once per year, if that. The last time I opened up the Scholarship Program was in September of 2013. And we definitely WILL NOT be doing this again until 2016. So, it’s definitely a great opportunity, and a rare one.

That’s right! The winner(s) receive the full coaching experience, from initiation to graduation—completely FREE. That includes: the initial assessment; 8 (EIGHT!!) months of coaching from me; access to our coaching software, Apotheo; constant support during (and after!) your tenure; and the envy of your peers.

As a scholarship winner, you get 8 months completely customized training and nutrition programs, designed around your needs, goals, experience level, equipment access and lifestyle. (Want bourbon? You get bourbon. We’ll work it in.)

And, you know…insane results. If you’re into that kinda thing.

Now, let’s get into some notes.

First and foremost, entry is 100% free.

There are TWO ways to enter, and you can do both: application, and an essay (more on both below).

Winners are selected randomly via a random number picker.

Entry Methods

Application: Super simple. Just head over to the coaching application form and fill out the application. In the field that says “How Did You Find Out About the Coaching Program?” simply write, “I’m just here for the free stuff!” or “me want scholarship” or something like that.

Essay: In the comments section of this article, please write up an post a short essay of 300-500 words.

The topic of the essay is simple: tell me if/how/why you believe that advances in technology make it easier to get in shape. Does software like Apotheo mean better coaching? Do wearable fitness devices actually increase fitness? Does the push towards using tech for self-quantification gives us usable data, or simply give us more to stress out over?

All you need to do is write up your opinion about this kind of thing in the comment section of this article.

Don’t worry, your essay is not going to be graded! It will simply be factored in to your chances to win the scholarship.

How Winners Are Picked

As I mentioned, winners are selected randomly.

Here’s how that works: each entry will be assigned a number tagged to your name. Think of it like a raffle ticket.

APPLYING for the coaching program gives you 1 entry “ticket”, which basically equates to one chance to win.

THE ESSAY gets you an additional FIVE “tickets”, which increases odds of winning pretty dramatically.

So, if you do both, you’ll have 6 individual numbers attached to your name.

At the end of the contest, we’ll run all of these through a random number picker, and randomly select a winner.

Application Process

While filling out the application, you’ll see a field labeled “How did you find out about the Coaching Program?” In that field, write “I want the scholarship” or something similar.

You’ll get an email from me with more information about the program.

After you’ve read through, decide if you can actually commit to the program. Please let me know if you would go through with the program, even if a scholarship was not available (finances allowing).

OPTIONAL: If you’d like to submit an essay, come back to this article and leave it in the comments section.

All of these steps must be done before Monday at midnight PST.

I’ll announce the winner Tuesday evening.

BONUS: Want an extra entry to increase your odds of winning? I gotcha covered. As a little thank you for reading everything, you can get another entry with a tweet! After you’ve applied, just tweet this:

I just applied for the 2015 RFS Coaching Scholarship! Check it out and apply here:…Click To Tweet

See? Pays not to skim shit.

Other Notes!

Scholarship or not, I only want to work with serious people. People who wouldn’t sign up for the program and commit themselves physically and financially without the chance of it being free probably are not going to be great clients. I don’t want that. So, please be honest. Let me know very clearly if you would undertake this without the scholarship. Honor system, folks. The person that wins the scholarship gets coaching completelygratis for 8 months. (Any money you’ve paid to that point will be refunded, etc. That means you, existing clients!)

If you have already applied and been accepted in the program, YES, you’re still in the running for the scholarship. Just email me and let me know you want to be considered.

Until Friday evening, everyone is still eligible. Everyone. Just follow the steps above.

The scholarship is completely random in terms of selection. Every applicant will be given a number, and then a number will be selected by a random number generator.

You MUST be willing to have your transformation and before/after pictures shared publicly. Obv.

That’s really it! You have the chance to be coached by one of the best in the industry, completely for free. Without question, you’ll have an amazing transformation, and make some huge changes in your life.

In addition to the 5 spots I’m saving for the scholarship winners, I’m also opening 15 ‘regular’ spots in the program. So, even if you don’t happen to be one of the folks to win a scholarship, there’s still a chance for you to get into the program.

In fact, not only am I accepting 15 new applicants…I’m also offering a ridiculous incentive.

Basically, I’m giving a steep discount on the price coaching program. In fact, the discounted rate for these 15 new clients adds up to getting FREE MONTH, and then some!

So, while I can’t give everyone a scholarship, I can absolutely make signing up an easier choice!

That said, I do want to offer one piece of advice.

As mentioned, I’m give away 5 scholarships, and holding 15 regular spots. Once all of the spots are full, things become much, you’re pretty much out of luck. I may be able to work with you, but chances are you’ll have to wait until the next round.

By default, people who are already in the program have a safety net; they’re guaranteed a place, and can still be selected to get the scholarship.

On the other hand, people who are not in the program have their chances get slimmer and slimmer every time someone signs up–in the sense that they might be shut out completely.

So my advice is this: don’t be one of those people who waits to sign up until the last minute, hoping you’ll get something for nothing. I understand that impulse, but it always works against people.

Of course, Tony is just one example of my “older” clients who have made phenomenal transformations. I’ve had guys lose 40 pounds in 6 months, and women lose 28 pounds in just THREE months. Crazy!

Anyway, for direct consideration beyond the scholarship, here’s how it works: after you fill out the application, I’ll get back to you with some more info; if you seem like a good fit for the program made it in, I’ll let you know ASAP.

If I’m not able to take you (because of time, or I took on others, or other reasons), I’ll let you know as soon as I’m able, as well.

Wrapping Up

Scholarship or no, if you’re truly ready to take it to the next level, I’ll be with you every single step of the way to make sure each and every aspect of your fitness program is expressly and specifically designed to accelerate your results beyond what any cookie cutter plan could possibly approach.

To apply for the program (and the scholarship) lick any of the links, fill out the application, and (hopefully) by this time next week, you’ll be looking at your brand new, custom designed program.

Okay, that’s all for today. I’m off to design some client programs. Yours could be next.

To take a look at some of my other clients who have had life changing transformations, check out the success stories page.

And, if you’re skeptical that something like coaching can save your life, you need to check out this blog post about how it did just that for my client Julian.

+++++++

Good luck to all the entrants, and I can’t wait to read your essays!

Dem Footnotes

8-10 minutes is the average time clients are willing to travel to gyms in NYC ↩

Like most trainers, my mornings and evenings were booked solid well in advance. ↩

While I was certainly on the higher end of the scale, an hourly rate of $150-$250 is fairly typical for high end trainers in New York. ↩

And some of my clients do! I’ve run into more than one of my clients at Gold’s this year ↩

That last one is particularly important; when I lived in NYC, although a lot of prospective clients were just over the Hudson, it just wasn’t feasible to hop the PATH to go train then. If it was, I would have—and in future, I suggest you not underestimate the staggering drawing power of the Garden State. ↩

When it comes to setting up an effective, ass-kicking workout, you have more options than Ben & Jerry’s has flavors. Unfortunately, whether it’s ice cream or program design, too many options can get downright stressful.

Before you know it, you’ve spent two hours in front of the freezer, trying to decide if you’re in the mood for Chubby Hubby or Half Baked.

So. Many. Choices.

Eventually, you get so frustrated you wind up saying screw it and just go with plain vanilla, and your once exciting ice cream adventure ends in bitter disappoint.

Well, the same thing happens when it comes to designing training programs.

But instead of deciding between delicious chocolate covered pretzels vs. brownie bits, you’re looking at everything from exercise selection to the order you perform them in. If you can’t figure it out, you’ll wind up with the same old vanilla icecream program, and the same old vanilla results.

And with all of the experts in the industry pushing different methods, how do you know what’s really best?

Today, my goal is to answer that question. And, thankfully, it’s not as complicated as you might think.

It all comes down to one basic principle: When it comes to organizing workouts, your best bet is to base exercise order on maximizing performance by prioritizing neural demand.

Neural Demands Are King

This is the most important thing to understand. When setting up any training program or workout, you need to place more neurologically demanding exercises early in the week, and early in each session.

In the interest of clarity: Neural demands are the requirements placed on the nervous system for the proper execution of an exercise.

For high-speed, high-weight exercises, nervous system function is the driving force for performance. When fatigue sets in, the nervous system doesn’t send signals fast enough for muscles to execute movements precisely, allowing to technique to change, and training to suffer.

In other words, performing intense exercises like sprinting, power exercises like cleans, or near-maximal lifts without full recovery and function is a first class ticket to mediocrity, not high performance.

The force velocity curve plays an important role in the programming of exercises, as exercise selection is based on the needs of your goal or sport.

Exercises towards the velocity portion of the graph (i.e. speed) are obviously faster and more sensitive to changes in technique than slower speed exercises like heavy deadlifts or squats.

Suffice to say, if you want to be explosive or jacked and big as a house, your training should reflect that.

Photocredit: Bretcontreras.com

According to the NSCA Essentials of Strength and Conditioning, “Compound power and core exercises require the highest level of skill and concentration of all exercises and are most affected by fatigue.

Athletes who become fatigued are prone to using poor technique and consequently are at a higher risk of injury1.”

All of which is to say that you need to respect your nervous system. If you’re training session calls for high-speed exercises performed with a reasonable amount of resistance, placing them earlier in the workout is going to be necessary for both optimal progress and injury prevention.

Having established that, let’s go through the steps for constructing the optimal workout for maximum muscle building

Step 1: Warm-Up

Whether you’re blasting through a 30-minute metabolic session to shred fat or a two-hour performance based workout, you need a warm-up.

When properly implemented, a well-designed warm-up maximizes performance in two ways:

Improve the physiological response to exercise

Improved mental focus

A combination of dynamic exercises focused on hip/trunk activation, stabilization through the joints, and movements similar to the upcoming training are vital to high performance training.

Your warm-up doesn’t need to be uber complicated, but it must be done. Focus on movements that active the major muscles and movement patterns of your training to increase performance and decrease injury risk.

Optional Step: Movement Training

If you’re an athlete, no mode of sports training has more on-field carryover than direct movement training, even glorious deadlifts and absolute strength work.

This means acceleration, top end speed, and movement training must be placed at a premium because of their high neural and technical demands, even over heavy strength training.

Before you get all hot and bothered, keep in mind that athletes run, jump, sprint, and move on the field, not pick up weights in a controlled environment. That is true transfer of training.

If you’re solely focused on looking good naked and getting jacked then don’t fret about sprint/movement training early in your training, but don’t dismiss it either.

Like weightlifting, sprinting requires high-impact muscular contractions that cause the release of growth hormone and testosterone as well as potentiating the nervous system for strength gains.

Step 2: Jumps & Throws

Being jacked and strong is nice, but expressing strength fast and generating tons of power separates the contenders from the pretenders.

Moreover, rather than spending countless hours refining technique on Olympic lifts, it’s best to use exercises with an accelerated learning curve to train the same qualities: explosive power, nervous system activation, and activation of high threshold muscle fibers for hypertrophy.

Whether your goals are physique or athletic oriented, you’ll reap huge benefits from explosive throws, pushes, and jumps. By bridging the gap between strength and speed, your nervous system functions at a faster, more efficient rate to improve firing rates of muscles on your big lifts.

Add in jumps for the lower body and push-up variations or explosive throws for three sets of five reps with light resistance after your movement training or directly after your warm-up.

You’ll add “pop” to your big lifts and wake up high-threshold muscle fibers for new gains in muscle mass. This allows us to prepare for the meat of the program: strength training.

Step 3: Explosive Strength Training

Explosive exercises with maximum bar speed are highly technical and require full nervous system recovery for maximum gains. This means cleans, snatches, and dynamic effort training should be the first barbell exercises performed in your workouts.

This can also include anything performed explosively, even bodyweight movements.

Because these lifts are highly technical, they’re more prone to breakdown from fatigue. If explosive exercises are done after heavy, compound exercises then technique breaks down, and you’re more likely to miss lifts.

Keep your recovery full, weights submaximal with two to five sets of two to five reps with 30-60% 1-RM, and bar speed on blast to maximize explosive exercises.

From here, we can move on to heavy strength training; it’s is less neurally demanding, but equally important for max gains.

Step 4: Heavy Strength Training

Maximum strength exercises are king. Without a base of maximum strength, it’s damn near impossible to be good at anything.

You need a base of strength to improve work capacity for building muscle. You need a base of strength to improve relative strength for athletic tasks like jumpin’ out the gym, racing cheetahs, and push-up contests at the grocery store.

Training with heavy weight is obviously important when training to gain mass. However, it can be equally important when cutting fat, as it will help prevent losing any hard earned muscle or any rampant decreases in strength.

As mentioned, heavy strength training is less neurally demanding and technical than explosive exercises like cleans and sprinting; so your heavy deadlifts, presses, and all that fun stuff need to come a bit later in the workout.

Place a premium on strength with multiple sets between 2-6 reps and weights 75-95% 1-RM, but do so in the correct order to optimize performance and gains.

Step 5: Hypertrophy/Isolation Work

Getting jacked has more to do with making an exercise “feel” hard than only training heavy, eating for a family of four, and sleeping.

To break it down further, in Brad Schoenfeld’s review of “The Mechanisms of Muscular Hypertrophy and Their Application to Resistance Training”3, he covered that the three most important mechanisms for hypertrophy are:

Mechanical tension

Metabolic stress

Muscular damage

Mechanical tension is the result of heavy strength exercises performed through a full range of motion, which is addressed by your explosive or heavy lifting earlier in your training.

From here on out, metabolic stress and muscular damage with longer duration, shorter rest period sets become more important to maximize muscle building.

Fatigue and insufficient recovery are exactly what you do want for hypertrophy and isolation work, so embrace it. Perform explosive exercises and heavy strength work as it pertains to your goal, and then move to pure hypertrophy work later in your workout.

Step 6: Conditioning

Last but not least, we’ve got conditioning. Of course, it can also be taken care of via density training, sports specific training, or another workout on its own; but, unless trying to improve some specific of conditioning, this stuff should always come last in your workouts.

Conditioning work is meant to push your body to the limits for higher levels of endurance and performance. Just about anything can be turned into a conditioning workout, so you have the option to select some stuff that also relates to the other categories.

Med ball slams, for example, are great for conditioning if done fast enough, while also being applicable to the jump/throw category.

Whether it’s submaximal sprinting, kettlebell work, barbell complexes, or jumping rope (the most underrated form of conditioning) your conditioning should be secondary to neurally demanding exercises that improve performance, but still must be included in some fashion.

That said, conditioning is demanding, and can drastically impede performance if you’re performing it early in the training session.

Considerations

You don’t need to add in every component of exercise into every one of training sessions (nor, even, every program), but leaving the details any of them out would be a major disservice.

In training, your actions must be aimed at your goals or they’ll be unattainable. Base the types of training to and your focus on the variables that best fit your goals.

For Maximum Athletic Performance

Follow the order as listed with an emphasis on movement skills, explosiveness, and explosive training, especially for movement-based sports.

Strength athletes will have a greater emphasis towards absolute strength and hypertrophy training. Conditioning work should come primarily through sports specific practice, and is highly variable based on your needs.

For Maximum Muscle Gain

To get jacked to the max your primary emphasis is to spend time in the weight room both getting stronger and creating muscular damage. In this case, movement training is likely omitted with jumps, throws, and explosive exercises being trained secondary in importance to pure strength work and hypertrophy training.

For Maximum Strength

To maximize gains in strength it’s important to include both explosive and top-end strength components. While movement training isn’t necessary and may be risky without sound mechanics, jumps and throws are still great options to improve neuromuscular function and develop explosiveness in major movement patterns.

Focus primarily on absolute strength work with explosive lifts, jumps, throws, and hypertrophy work to minimize gaps in strength development.

To Maximize Fat Loss

For fat loss the most important factor is putting the damn fork down and creating a caloric deficit with your diet.

Besides that, your training will vary based on goals and preferences while including a range of exercise types.

That said, include some absolute strength and explosive work to retain muscle in a caloric deficit and plan conditioning or density circuits to increase caloric expenditure.

The Bottom Line

The goal of any training programming is to enhance performance towards a goal while minimizing injury risk. This starts with exercise selection and placing exercises in the correct order so you don’t waste your time in the gym, miss the boat completely on your goal, or drop a barbell on your face during technical exercises.

Every year, in late December or early January, you start seeing three distinct types of fitness posts: those wrapping up the current year; those making predictions for the coming year; and lists of all the fitness professionals who either killed it last year or will kill it this year.

I’m going to discuss that last item, for the undeniable reason that these lists are bullshit.

Let me start by saying that I want you to read this post as a sort of commentary on the industry and its practices, rather than as as a rant. A rant would require me to be worked up about something. I’m not worked up1, I’m mostly just incredulous that no one has pointed any of this out yet.

Normally, I don’t engage when these lists come out. I rarely read through to see who’s included, and I almost never re-post them on social media. The main reason I don’t bother sharing them, other than thinking they’re patently stupid, is because I personally feel that (given my frequent inclusion) to do so mostly just comes off as self-congratulatory at best and public masturbation at worst.

Sure, I could do what everyone else does and tell you how surprised and flattered I am to be included, but I find false humility to at least as irritating as self-aggrandizement, and usually more—so I’ll forego the whole aww shucks routine for myself, even as everyone else rushes to share.

On that note, I do feel compelled to acknowledge that all the social media auto-fellatio provides a great opportunity to mock observe those who seem not to have a firm grasp on the words they use.

Bro. You are not “humbled” to be included on some random list. You are “honored,” or perhaps “feeling undeserving.”

To be humbled means to have your standing reduced; you are using it when your standing has been elevated.

Here’s an example of the word used properly:

“I thought I was strong, but then this dude humbled me by warming up with my max.”

More or less, to humble someone means to force humility upon them; to demonstrate to them, by word or by deed, that they’re not quite as impressive as they seem to think. To be humbled by something is rarely an enjoyable experience.

As a final aside, if the word humbled actually did mean what you think it means, re-posting the list you’ve been added to on your social media channels very clearly indicates that you do not, in fact, feel underserving of having been included.

So, really, you’re stupid twice. Congratulations.

Anyway.

My goal here is not to make fun of anyone. Rather, I’m looking to open up a dialogue about these lists in general, if only to make people aware that not all of those “honored” with placement are worth checking out or following. That is, being featured on some list doesn’t necessarily qualify someone to help you.

Let’s get to the point: I was featured on this list by Greatist, published today. So were 99 other people. All of us were made aware a few weeks in advance, and then again today.

[[Photo Credit: Greatist.]]

Again, I don’t like false humility, so let me be blunt and say that I believe my name belongs on such lists. I’ve earned it. So, yeah, it’s cool, and a nice little feather in the cap. But ultimately meaningless.

As mentioned earlier, these lists are bullshit. I want to tell you why.

These lists come in two forms: subjective and objective; let’s take a look at each on in turn.

Subjective Lists

These lists are usually found on personal blogs. Basically, some blogger puts together a list of bros who they personally think are the best, or the most awesome, or the most influential, or whatever else.

They’re subjective because everything from inclusion to placement is based solely on the opinion of the author. Which is fine, as it’s a personal blog. (Note that because RFS is no longer a single person blog, everything I write here is exempt from this, and should be taken as universal #truthfact.)

But, we can’t really take these things too seriously. Especially because they’re sort of advertising—it’s a hilariously old but evidently still effective trick to get traffic to your site.

Here’s the breakdown:

Create a list of awesome people. Call it something like 100 top personal trainers of all time.

Post it on your blog.

Contact the people on the list and let them know they’ve been featured.

Watch as these people get excited that you—who have no authority at all—added them to a list, despite this list being made with no discernible thought and no metric for measuring quality, influence, or anything else.

Giggle as the majority people send traffic to your site to let their fans know that you, who represents no governing body, thinks they’re awesome.

Collect opt-ins.

????

Profit.

Okay, okay. The thought process behind the lists aren’t generally as mercenary as all that. Sometimes it’s just easy “content” or a way to get on the radar of those several levels above you, or just throw some love to your boys. And it’s all good.

One recent example is this list written and curated by Jason Maxwell, published on his site, JMaxFitness.

[[Photo Credit: JMaxFitness.]]

Now, to be clear, I’m not picking on Jason here. I honestly believe that he’s one of the few who just wants to expose his readers to great people—but he’s certainly not complaining about the traffic I just sent him by posting that link.

More to the point, let’s examine the list. According to Jason, these are the “top” fitness pros hethinks you should follow in 2015. Because it’s totally subjective, there’s no real criteria that we can see, other than Maxwell’s assertion that these are “[s]cience and evidence based fitness professionals [who] have emerged with some of the best information and content on the internet.”

Notwithstanding the inherent difficulty of qualifying what constitutes the “best” content, the list doesn’t seem to follow its espoused directive, which—based on the supplied definition—would seem to be that all of the people on the list publish content that is “science and evidence based.”

A noble premise…but ultimately untrue—a fact that becomes obvious from the very first item on the list.

In the top spot, we have Dan John: a great trainer and helluva nice guy who’s built massive loyalty in the fitness industry by leveraging the one-two punch of being good at his job and reminding everyone of their favorite high school Phys. Ed. teacher2.

This is not to take anything away from Mr. John, who’s a wildly successful and highly effective coach. He is not, however, known for citing studies, scouring PubMed, or writing overly scientific articles; DJ is known for a no-nonsense, old-school approach that “just works.”

None of that means Dan shouldn’t be number one on the list—it just means that the list should have been called “40 Fitness Professionals I Think Are Awesome” and the descriptor should have implied that all individuals on it were chosen for inclusion and ranked based on Maxwell’s level of respect, admiration, affection, or friendship with each of them.

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate being invited to the party: Jason said some pretty nice things about me, and even mentioned my screenwriting, which is sweet.

Sick 15 pound curls, bro.

That said, you’ve gotta admit, I don’t exactly fit the implied mold. Sure, my stuff is backed by science, and I cite studies when I think it’s necessary, but for the most part I base my programming on experience over anything else.

I mean, let’s be honest: I’m a lot more likely to pen an article called “Top 5 Anal Sex Mistakes First Timers Make” than I am to write one called “5 Awesome Studies You Need to Read Because They’re Going to Give You New Ammo For Your Internet Arguments.”

All of which is to say, whether they’re click bait or well-intended, subjective lists are basically bullshit, and we shouldn’t really give them much credence.

Objective Lists

Typically, lists of this kind are published by larger media outlets, and tend to be both broader and more thoroughly researched. Today’s Greatist piece is a good example.

These lists are objective because there is a pre-determined criteria for inclusion and ranking that’s set into place before names start being considered.

By and large, this is a better system: with regard to any assessment, objectivity is always more reliable than subjectivity. Meaning that, theoretically, the objective list on Greatist should be more informative in all ways than a list on a personal site.

However, there are problems with this model, as well.

Firstly, let’s just establish that larger sites like free traffic just as much—well, more—than bloggers. As such, the intention behind publishing any list can be called into question for a major media site just as easily as a single author blog. That particular wrinkle never changes.

The issues I’m speaking of, however, come from the commitment to objectivity itself. Once a set of criteria is set into place, these sites have to stick to that criteria as closely as possible, or they sacrifice impartiality.

Objective lists can’t measure things like “best content” or “best trainer” because there’s simply no way to measure any of that; it’s all subjective. Instead, these lists measure one or more quantifiable characteristics, and those measurements need to be based on quantifiable variables and unadjusted metrics. Resultant of that, all truly objective lists are somewhat limited.

This brings us back to the Greatist list, for which it’s important to recognize that what’s being measured is influence. That’s it—just influence.

Before anyone passes judgement on the site for the ranking order, remember that Greatist makes no claims to be assessing the individuals included on the list in terms of skill, talent, knowledge, or ability. The list is solely a measure of influence.

Again, this is important because influence is measurable, based on some (objective) variables. Greatist actually has some really specific standards for those things, and the metrics are unquestionable.

But what are the metrics of influence? Stuff like Alexa ranking3, site traffic (measured in unique visits and page views), big media exposure, and social media stats (including Klout score4, total followers, and overall audience engagement).

Taken from the site itself:

When trying to determine the most powerful innovators in this space, we looked at several factors for each candidate…we created a scoring system based on eight measurable categories: website page rank, social media presence, Klout score, number of studies or research published, number of products, professional degrees and certifications, and number of Google News mentions in 2014—all with variable levels of impact on the final score.

While I’m admittedly not privy to the specifics of how heavily each of those individual factors weighs into the equation, based on the order of the list, it’s pretty clear that overall “fame” has a pretty profound effect on things.

[[Photo Credit: Greatist.]]

For example, Michelle Obama sits comfortably at the top of the list; as FLOTUS, she’s certainly the most famous person on it. Dr. Oz comes in at number two; despite all the controversy surrounding his advice, dude’s got his own TV show, and therefore a lot of influence. And so on.

Now, it would be nice if being famous, or having a lot of “influence” was a real measure of your worth as a fitness professional or health advocate. But influence isn’t necessarily correlated with any characteristic that translates into ability to help people. Some folks on this list have a lot of influence but are woefully unqualified to wield it, and might be doing more harm than good.

Further, influence should never be confused for overall impact—some people who are ranked highly might have a bunch of social media followers, but they’re not making a real difference in the industry.

After all, any list that ranks Instagram celebrity and professional narcissist Jen Selter above Arnold fucking Schwarzenegger is immediately suspect and should be taken with a gain of salt. To the credit of the article and those who wrote it, the folks at Greatist do point this out in their own way, saying of the Instagram queen, “Selter doesn’t have any exercise certifications yet often is found dishing outdated fitness advice, so go ahead and look, but don’t follow along.”

Acknowledgements of incompetence aside, it’s unavoidably off-putting when some know-nothing chick with a great ass is placed so highly above über-genius Eric Cressey or industry godfather Mike Boyle, owing solely to the fact that the aforementioned great ass attracts millions of IG followers who like oogling her and somehow feel that commenting on her social media accounts might one day lead to them banging her. (They may or may not be wrong. Fuck do I know?)

Given all of that, while I’m in favor of objectivity, these lists are ultimately useless when it comes to separating the wheat from the chaff. This wouldn’t be a problem if they were taken for what they were.

My fear—and the reason I wrote this—is that the average reader might look at any of these types of lists and assume that because one person was ranked higher than another, they’re “better.” This is a pretty slippery slope, and it’s both the most obvious and most insidious problem with creating and publishing any arbitrary ranking.

To ameliorate this, these lists usually have some type of qualifier. While I don’t personally care about my own ranking, the Greatist staff gave me some props; probably not because they think I’m a swell guy, but because listing my accomplishments helps demonstrate credibility and drive home that I know what I’m talking about.

I mention this not to impress you, but to impress upon you that even a site publishing a list based on objective metrics relies on the subjective opinions of its editors to help guide the readers towards individuals of quality, and away from those who (like Selter) are in the public eye for reasons other than their ability to provide useful information.

In an ideal world, this system works: the average bear develops some discerning taste, and follows coaches who can actually help them, and head in the right direction with their health and fitness goals.

Closing Thinkz

As you can see, I don’t think much of these lists. I wouldn’t go so far say they’re totally useless, as they have the potential to expose readers to new experts; I just feel they’re apt to create as many headaches as they solve.

If you’re asking me which I think is better, I’d have to say that as unreliable as they can be, subjective lists might have more value.

Despite not being based on anything quantifiable, it stands to reason that as long as the list is written by someone who’s earned your trust, there’s a good chance it’ll feature some other peeps you can trust, too. Then again, maybe you’re in the habit of trusting and following people just because they’re super attractive and they say fuck a lot, in which case you’re already in the right place.

Snark aside, let’s be real: even if I’m not gonna jump for joy over someone anyone thinking I’m cool or influential and putting my mug on their site, I’m also not ignorant to the fact that inclusion on these lists can be leveraged. And I certainly appreciate the links and traffic.

But I never lose sight of the fact that it is ultimately bullshit, and I think time would be better spent writing actual content.

Then again, I just wrote a 2700-word article telling you why lists are stupid, so many next time I’ll just shut up and write some workouts or some shit. I dunno.

In closing: if you’re a reader, don’t place too much value on these fitness lists as a qualifier for whether you should be listening to someone. Be smart and make your own decisions, and

If you’re a fitness professional, try your best not to give a shit about these lists. They’re arbitrary as hell, and will never be a real reflection of the skill or professional value of those mentioned.

If you happen to be added to a list, appreciate it for what is, enjoy the social media juice, and leverage for social proof as best you can; just don’t let being mentioned blow your head up. More importantly, under no circumstances should you let not being included on one make you feel shitty.

Remember, it’s all just dick stroking, anyway. And you don’t need anyone else for that. Because. You know. Masturbation.

Now. With all of that out of the way–I’d love to hear YOUR thoughts on this. So leave some insight to justify me obsessively checking my traffic and engagement stats for the next two days.

Foot Notes

This is your cue, people who feel compelled to post u mad! why u mad tho? or whatever memed nonsense you think passes as original humor. ↩

Worth mentioning here that Dan was, in point of fact, a high school PE teacher and coach for a good part of his career. ↩

The Alexa ranking of a site is a measure of its overall popularity, relative to all other sites globally and domestically. For example, Google is ranked number 1 both in the US and globally. RFS is ranked 31,437 in the US, meaning that there are only 31,436 sites standing between me and Google. I’m coming for you, suckas. ↩

Klout is a measure of social influence, ranked on a scale of 1-100; it’s calculated based on followers, mentions in media and on websites, articles published with your name on them, and a few other variables. Barack Obama has a Klout score of 99; mine is 81, which places me above many professional athletes and porn stars, and just below my buddy, TV star Matt McGorry. ↩

]]>http://romanfitnesssystems.com/articles/fitness-lists/feed/18New Years Resolution: Get Drunk, Not Fathttp://romanfitnesssystems.com/articles/get-drunk-not-fat/
http://romanfitnesssystems.com/articles/get-drunk-not-fat/#commentsWed, 31 Dec 2014 06:57:18 +0000http://romanfitnesssystems.com/?p=49399Truthfact: you don’t need to cut out the sweet, sweet goodness of a few drinks to hit your goals. In this comprehensive how-to guide, Katie Rose will teach you how to drink without screwing up…

]]>ROMAN’S NOTE: When it comes to alcohol, the fitness industry is split more or less down the middle: there are those who deign themselves hardcore and espouse total abstinence, and those who—like me–believe you don’t need to cut out the sweet, sweet goodness of a few drinks to hit your goals.

This is something I preach with my coaching clients, and most of them have taken in to heart in a very real way, to the extent that after water, bourbon has become the de facto beverage of the Roman Empire, and may even have infiltrated our slogan.

Seriously. We should use this slogan.

Anyway. Today we have an article from my good friend, badass flexible dieting coach, and fellow whiskey aficionado, Katie Rose. She’s prepared something truly awesome: a comprehensive how-to guide that will teach you how to drink without screwing up your diet, AND five awesome cocktail recipes to go along with it. We think you’ll enjoy it.

And with that, I leave you in Katie’s capable hands.

If there is a Holy Trinity I subscribe to it is: butts, bourbon and burritos, with bourbon being highly ranked among the three.

So, when the clock strikes midnight on New Years Eve, do you think I will be crying in complete heartbreak because I have to give up drinking in 2015? Nuuupe.

Unless you’re in prep for a show, or still claiming xveganxstraightxedgex like a goon, I think it’s pretty safe to include one of the best social lubricants of our time into the occasional night out on the town.

The problem is, you’re too sexy and you’re not getting hit on enough. You need get out of the house and enjoy yourself.

Technically, you could pull up OkCupid and sip on your protein shake while you take a gamble at letting some weirdo get a chance with your hard earned body.

Or.

You could call up your buddies and say:

“Hey bros, I need you to take me out to my favorite bar tonight and we can’t leave until I’m a couple drinks deep into a conversation with a 8.5 or above.”

Understand: it’s entirely possible to embrace our happy hour splurges without it completely derailing progress or making us feel like we’re going backwards with our training.

It’s inevitable: you will run into various situations that test your ability to practice moderation.

Maybe you can relate to the following…

Scenario A: It’s time to go to our favorite sports bar. A Shirley Temple ain’t going to cut it for this game.

Scenario B: I mean, can the club even handle you right now?

Scenario C: Do you really want to sit through your parent-teacher conference sober?

I say, if you know how to be a functional adult with alcohol, by all means go for it.

Here at RFS, we don’t believe in eliminating fun. In fact, we encourage you to seek what is best in life, and to crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of their women.

So let’s get down to business.

How does one achieve this balance?

First, I’m going to break down how we are going to fit this into our day mathematically.

Then, I will give you my personal drink recommendations, for a most supreme evening of relaxation.

Method To My Madness

1. Count Your Calories as Carbs

Alcohol is 7 calories per gram. But what macronutrient does it fall under? Well, it’s not fat. It’s not protein. And it’s made out of grains. So, carbs make the most sense.

Below is a quick reference guide you can use when you want to calculate your drinks in.

Alcohol Macro Guide

1.5 ounces = 28g carbs2 ounces = 42g carbs3 ounces = 56g carbs

2. Pick Your Punishment

I want you to have fun, but I want you to recognize that when it comes to alcohol, fun doesn’t come without a cost. You’ve got a choice between compromising performance or compromising recovery. Which one takes a hit depends upon when you drink, relative to training and sleeping. It looks like this:

Drink -> sleep -> train = badperformance.

Train -> drink -> sleep = badrecovery.

Again, you gotta pick one. No matter what, alcohol is going to affect you. And, while those effects may include increased attractiveness, improving your dance moves, and removing fear of death, they also include some not so pleasant physiological consequences.

Personally, recovery is more important to me than performance at the moment. In light of that, I am going to get drunk on Wednesdays, my day off from training. Now, I can come home at 3am, have sex, and not worry about the lack of sleep.

Another tip (picked up from one of my favorite humans, Mike Vacanti) is to drink on the day furthest away from your MOST important aesthetic goal. So, naturally this day is far, far away from training another factor to the Holy Trinity, dat ass.

3. Train As Far From Drinking As Possible

Let’s get our shit together before we hit the gym again. Put another way, delay your workout until later in the day—giving you plenty of time to rest up, hydrate, and eat whatever mishmash of goodies you’ve convinced yourself is the only thing that will magically cure your hangover.

Personally, I’m going to spend the following day taking glorious naps, binge watching Entourage, and getting hydrated. I will intentionally hit the gym later that night.

Being fully recovered is the move here. Trust me, you do not want to hit a density training sesh first thing in the morning at the prime of your hangover. You might puke, your lifts will suck, and it’s generally not ideal.

Let's get drunk AND educated. Did you know lime juice blunts the insulin response of the alcohol? It also provides a net alkaline load when it goes into the blood stream, which is better than a net acid load that most foods tend to do.
Shout out to our Paleo Bro, Robb Wolf for this one.

Snack(s) (3pm): Biotrust Low Carb Protein shake and 2 fish oil pills. I’m taking four scoops of powder here, so I will probably do two shakes and spread them out over the course of the day. I am not fucking around with hitting my protein, bro.

MACROS: Protein 46g | Fat 4g | Carbs 3g

Light Dinner (7pm): Before I head out the door I will have a Quest bar with 2 tablespoons of natural peanut butter. The fiber will help curb my hunger for the evening.

MACROS: Protein 27 g | Fat 22g | Carbs 31 g

Drinks (10pm): I already hit my protein at 126g for the day and fat at 72g. That leaves us142g of carbs to play with. Here is how many drinks I get to indulge in given the options above.

Option A: (2) Double Bourbon Cherry Cokes

Option B: (2) NorCal Margaritas

Option C: (3) Bourbon on the rocks

Option D: (2) Whiskey Lewbowskis (If I didn’t have peanut butter earlier that day, the 14g of fat in this drink would be a replacement.)

Option E: (3) Vodka Dreamsicles

That’s surely enough to allow myself a good time. The best part? I barely had to sacrifice in terms of diet.

I simply had to schedule most of my carbs for drinking.

As an aside, if I knew ahead of time that I was only going to hang out long enough for one drink I’d have squeezed in a salad or some grilled zucchini during the day.

Or maybe I did do that already and my friend called me at 7pm to invite me to happy hour. “Hey, want to grab a drink?” Hell yes I do, girl.

]]>http://romanfitnesssystems.com/articles/get-drunk-not-fat/feed/11The Monday Mindset: The Nutrition Mistake You Keep Makinghttp://romanfitnesssystems.com/articles/the-monday-mindset/
http://romanfitnesssystems.com/articles/the-monday-mindset/#commentsWed, 24 Dec 2014 06:33:30 +0000http://www.romanfitnesssystems.com/?p=48992On the myth of self-control, small failures, and falling prey to the “Monday Mindset” — and why it’s the number one mistake you’re making over and over again.

Whether you’re trying to lose fat, gain muscle, or just get a bit healthier, there are going to be three things that require some massive adjustment: your diet, and your attitude, and (perhaps most importantly) your attitude about your diet.

Avoiding pitfalls is half the battle, and a lot of that comes down to having the right mindset.

To help illustrate this, let’s look at a scenario that might seem familiar to you.

You’re on a diet and doing fairly well. One day, you go to lunch with a friend, and while they are chowing down on a tasty burger you’re dutifully eating your spinach salad topped with grilled chicken and olive oil.

You’re following your plan even better than expected. You’ve got the fiber and antioxidants from the spinach, protein from the chicken, and even some healthy monounsaturated fat from the olive oil.

You should be proud of the decision you’ve made, the steps you’re taking towards your goal. But you’re not proud; you’re grumpy.

Because you want that burger.

You find yourself in a state of extreme emotional dissonance: What you are actually doing is more or less antithetical to what you want to be doing. It’s a psychological fact that you can only exist in this dissonant state for so long; something has to give—and, usually, it’s your willpower.

If you’re anything like me, you’ve been in that situation, and you can literally feel your resolve crumble. You want to stay strong, but at the end of the meal, you decide to split a dessert.

Oh, yeah. We’ve all been there.

Now, let’s just establish that eating half of a restaurant brownie isn’t going to help you drop body fat, but it won’t completely sabotage your efforts, either. The problem is that the brownie is usually just the beginning.

Having worked with clients for more than a dozen years, I’ve observed most people suffer from an extreme inability to fail on a small scale. When they screw-up, that’s it for them—they believe they’ve screwed up permanently, and so they keep going.

Conventional wisdom tells us that if you find yourself in a hole, you should stop digging. That’s the logical thing to do.

However, when it comes to nutrition, we are neither conventionally wise nor logical. When clients have a dietary faux pas, their impulse, paradoxically, is to make it worse; after they eat the brownie, they think, “Well, I’ve ruined today. I may as well just eat whatever I want and then be good tomorrow.”

That would be bad enough by itself. However, for many people, they carry the failure over to the next day, and the day after, and finally, “I’ll be good tomorrow” becomes “I’ll start again on Monday.”

Tasty treat, or gateway to oblivion?

The Monday Mindset

Historically, Monday is the busiest day at gyms1. Perhaps not surprisingly, a decade of looking at clients’ food logs makes it clear that Monday is also the day with the highest level of dietary compliance.

This is ironic, because Monday is the most dangerous day of the week. Not Monday, but the idea of Monday—a fresh start, always available, never more than a week away.

All of this is part of what I call the Monday Mindset. When you’re thinking about getting started on an exercise or nutrition plan, the Mindset manifests itself with items like these:

“New diet on Monday! This is going to be my last ‘bad’ meal, so I’m going to enjoy it!”

Familiar, right?

When you’re already on a plan of some kind, the Mindset excuses look these:

I’ve missed two workouts—this has been such a busy week. I should rest up and start again on Monday.

Well, I had that brownie. The entireday is shot to hell. I’ll just start again on Monday.

I’ll have a few beers during the game. But starting Monday, I’m taking things more seriously. No more drinking.

As I like to call them, all the best deceptions.2. In either case, this type of self-delusion is the number on thing inhibiting your success: It keeps you from progressing because it encourages a limiting belief that you can’t course-correct during the week. Worse, it encourages you to give up when you’re close to the finish line, because of the incorrect thought that you can start over.

Cycles within cycles.

We’ve all heard that the definition of insanity as doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results, and yet we all fall victim to the trap of Monday over and over and over again.

So, how to we fix it? There are two big steps to take.

1) Remove the Refresh Button from the Equation.

What we all need to realize is that there is nothing inherently special about Monday. There are no magical properties about that day that make it any more or less effective in terms of achieving results.

The fact that the calendar says it’s the beginning of the week doesn’t mean that you can lift more weight or that you’ll burn more fat on Monday than on Tuesday or any other day.

What you need to do is just take five to ten minutes and really think about that. Monday is just a day.

Just because it’s in the beginning of the workweek doesn’t mean it has to be the beginning of everything else. Once you realize this, you can immediately take ownership of the fact that you can start (or re-start) your program on any day; and that makes it much easier to get back on the wagon and avoid the impulse of of starting over to begin with.

To help my clients with this, I’ll sometimes rearrange programming to avoid the issue. Monday is no longer the starting point. If people are really struggling with starting and stopping, I’ll make sure that each new program begins on Thursday. The motivation of the new workout carries them through the weekend—where screw-ups are most likely to happen—with little trouble, and they are able to focus and execute.

In fact, for some clients, Monday is an “off” day and there is no gym time at all. I’ve found that since Monday is generally a busy work day, removing the idea that you “have to” go to the gym after your longest and hardest work day actually increases compliance for the rest of the week.

2) Learn to Fail Small.

If you find that the thing holding your success back is “cheating” on your diet, mastering small failures is probably the number one thing you can do to minimize the impact of stepping outside your diet.

Mastering small failures means that you become comfortable with the fact that sometimes you will slip up. This happens to everyone. None of us are perfect, especially when comes to dietary habits, and eating half a brownie isn’t some cardinal sin that immediately negates the impact of your previous successes, or devalues or invalidates your future ones.

If you can wrap your head around these things, then you will find it exponentially easier to hit the brakes—instead of the gas—when you eat something you’re not supposed to.

Believe it or not, you can just have one. And that doesn’t ruin everything.

YOUR HEALTH IS WEALTH

Consider the following situation: Say you took a trip to Vegas and immediately lost $500. If you’re like most people, your response wouldn’t be to spend the rest of your cash. Instead, you would dial back your spending and get back on track. Your diet is no different.

I suggest keeping a “play money” account of calories each week. You can easily do this by setting a calorie goal on My Plate.

If you do slip up, think of it as “spending” these calories on something frivolous—just don’t go over your budget, and you’ll be fine. Once you have spent your allotment, do everything in your power to STOP spending. Begin your budget with 300 to 400 calories (per week, not per day), and try to work your way down.

Eventually, you’ll start to develop both discipline, and a completely different attitude towards food and cheating. Of course, this can take some time, and mastering small failures and discarding the Monday Mindset is pitting you against two habits that are arguably the most difficult to overcome.

But your first step is awareness, and in some way, just reading this article will be of tremendous value and help you make changes that will help your efforts.

Whether it’s removing the temptation of an ever-present fresh start or learning to master the all-in attitude such temptation fosters, your best bet towards fixing the problem is cutting yourself some slack. Realize that messing up on one meal out of three isn’t the end of the world—nor is messing up one day out of seven.

Developing a real understanding and mastery of these concepts is the key to keeping these failures in check, and giving yourself the best chance for success. Once that occurs, you should feel confident that the rest will fall into place.

Of course, working through these things is easier said than done, and all of the strategies in the world are ineffective unless you actually employ them. This is one of the most important things I work on with my online coaching clients.

Understanding the exact challenges an individual client faces is just part of things, though; my job as a coach is to figure out how to design a program that will help them overcome those challenges.

This is possible because of the objectivity inherent in coaching; something missing from self-assessment. This is one reason everyone can benefit from a coach–and it’s why I personally have a coach of my own.

In addition to the accountability that coaching offers, it’s often the case that clients simply don’t understand their strengths and weaknesses well enough to pick a nutritional program that allows them to maximize the former and minimize the latter.

A big part of this is determining what type of dieter you are, which provides a framework from which the coach can design a program that allows you to make real, permanent progress.

Closing Thoughts

Which diet you follow is dependent on your tastes and goals—but the upshot is that the above strategies will help you stay on track, regardless of how you eat.

It doesn’t matter if you’re into fasting, or cheat days, or paleo; taking control of the Monday Mindset and learning to fail small are two necessary steps towards avoiding the best deceptions, and walking the path to success.

As a frame of reference, when I managed a facility, attendance was 30% higher on Monday than any other day of the week. This was not unique to my gym, either, and is pretty consistent across the industry. ↩

]]>http://romanfitnesssystems.com/articles/the-monday-mindset/feed/6How to Make Sweet, Sweet Holiday Gainzhttp://romanfitnesssystems.com/articles/holiday-gainz/
http://romanfitnesssystems.com/articles/holiday-gainz/#commentsTue, 16 Dec 2014 06:00:47 +0000http://romanfitnesssystems.com/?p=49345Holiday weight gain is sometimes unavoidable. However, with this plan, you can use the holiday season to gain muscle, NOT fat.

Nothing strikes fear into the hearts of the obsessive dieter more than the holiday season. It’s everything that’s wrong with healthy lifestyles and everything that’s right with culinary excellence.

From late November and into the New Year, food baby pregnancy rates explode. This leads to an abundance of guilty souls drowning in pools of sweat and shame come January 1st as they look to burn off that newfound holiday weight.

The calorie fest is real, my friends. Take a look at the damage you just did to yourself on Thanksgiving alone.The average plate of Turkey Day deliciousness will set you back almost 4,000 calories.

And we haven’t even cracked December yet.

Let’s figure out how to keep the good times rolling without packing on the rolls.

Start Tracking

Now, just to mess with our calorie-tracking friends (because we’re sick and twisted like that), let’s review how much exercise it’ll take to burn all those potatoes and gravy and stuffing off:

Walking the entire Thanksgiving Day Parade through New York City. Like three or four times.

Just over 17 hours of holding that Warrior-1 pose in a sweat session of yoga.

For the cardio-compulsives out there, hop on your friendly neighborhood treadmill and precede to jog … for at least 5-6 hours straight.

Nothing beats calorie annihilation like swimming. So, to eliminate the guilt from the holidays, why not just lap the English Channel?

Here’s the cold hard truth: Carbageddon is coming, so be prepared for it. Embrace it. Accept it. In fact, let’s just flip this bad boy on it’s head and use it to our advantage to make some real gainnnnzzz.

Bring on the mashed potatoes and stuffing and cornbread and casserole. Let’s shovel some more of that turkey on our plates. Screw it, enjoy some pie, too. With careful planning and a dedication to getting jacked, you’ll turn this month of gluttony into a season of serious pump.

Court, Crush, and Cultivate Swoleocity

What are some of the three core tenants of hypertrophy? Train big. Eat big. Sleep often. And that is preciely the name of the game of with this program, the Official Holiday Gainz plan.

Crank out your regular training protocols and routine. Which means picking up heavy things and putting them down on a consistent basis, three to four times per week. However, to truly capitalize on the excess calories, we’re going to add some extra credit.

Make this the day that you make a contract with yourself. For every meal that you overdo it, that’s one more ticket to the gym to work on a lagging body part. Add carbs to your belly and turn that into added weight on the bar.

Use this time wisely, my friends.

It really isn’t that difficult. Just accept that you’re going to eat a bit extra, and instead of driving yourself crazy, use it to your advantage.

And taking full advantage of some extra holiday calories is as simple as adding a few extra specialization sessions a week. Down too many cookies at the office holiday party? Awesome. Instead of feeling like shit, here’s the three step plan to make it work:

Get your ass in the gym and apply some extra training to kill your arms.

Head home slam a protein shake with no carbs or fat.

Hit the sheets and sleep like you’re dead.

That’s it.

Sound too easy? Just think about what you’ve just accomplished by following those three simple steps:

you’ve drastically increased volume, allowing you to capitalized on the excess carb and calorie load;

you’ve fed the body with more protein to preserve muscle;

and you’ve ensured the adequate rest necessary for recovery and rebuilding.

It’s like the holy trinity of muscle growth.

All of that said, this is a suited best for short term use. Allowing for supercompensation is one thing, but it won’t work forever.

As a result, this is not a method that you should follow beyond the holiday season. The idea being that you’re going to be in a caloric surplus anyway, you might as well take advantage of that.

Once January 1st hits and that food coma has subsided, it’s back to your regularly-scheduled training and nutritional protocols. Friends don’t let friends overtrain. Period.

This isn’t a license to have a month-long period of cheat days, it is an extremely effective strategy that allows you to enjoy yourself a little without the guilt.

Starts with Protein

With all that covered, let’s talk diet. Like all good nutritional plans, we want to address the King of Macronutrients first.

So, protein: we need it. And this time of year the star of just about any holiday meal is a huge dead animal just waiting to be devoured. Turkey is jacked with protein and the breast is totally lean and approved. Load up on this stuff.

Continue to get your daily recommended protein dosage (usually about 1.0 to 1.5 grams per pound of bodyweight). If your protein source of choice carries a little more fat – like ham, pot roast, meatloaf, or sausage – just limit your fat intake from other areas throughout the day to make up for it.

When it comes to carb loading, this is truly the most wonderful time of the year no matter what culture you bring to the holiday table, from yams to pasta to challah bread. Screw the carb guilt. You have the plan in place to make that plate of lasagna your muscle-pumping bitch now.

Word to the wise: make sure you continue to get the healthier carb and vegetable sources into your body, too. Your digestive system will thank you later. But the nature of this beast is still to feed the beast. Eat hardy.

Even when that family get-together is over, there are still the temptations for indulgence. View them as opportunities for excellence.

Can you think of a better pre-workout meal than a huge turkey sandwich on whole wheat toast? Of course not.

Still have some pumpkin pie calling your name? Hit up that second session of specialization work and then head home to slug some protein powder along with that slice of pie. The fast-acting carbs will allow the body to maximize glycogen stores and make muscle happen even faster.

Sleepy on a Saturday afternoon while the wifey is out shopping? Nap time. Muscles don’t grow in the gym; they get bigger and better from rest and recovery.

Dat Next Level Damage Control

Yeah, the holiday weight gain guilt is real. This is just unavoidable. Yet there are ways to limit the damage, too. This is perfect time to incorporate Roman’s Feast/Fast strategies to allow your body to more efficiently break down the gunk you just ingested by slamming that extra slice of pecan pie and ice cream.

Simply enjoy that meal at grandma’s and the holiday party that follows, heck have your cake and eat it, too. Follow this day of feasting with a total day of fasting. No food whatsoever. You’ll capitalize on the up-regulation of leptin while giving your digestive system a day off to recover.

Look, ideally you’d eat clean and choose good quality, whole, and natural foods not just during the holiday season, but all the seasons. But we know the truth. You’re going to try that special cookie that your coworker brought to the office. You’re going to top some whipped cream on top of that slice of pie. You’re going to grab another plate full of those potatoes, because they’re awesome.

So, you may as well get something out of your indulgences and build some mass. And I’ve got just the workouts to help you do it.

Introducing the Holiday Gainz Plan

Below are three workouts guaranteed to add size, strength and sexiness to your shoulders, arms and chest. Toss in these extra sessions no more than two or three times per week, in addition to your normal training routine. The added volume will provide a boost in hypertrophy and lower that feeling of guilt after a gluttonous feast.

Notice the four-digit code following each rep count. That’s the tempo of each lift, or how many seconds it should take to lower the weight (eccentric), stretch or pause and then raise or contract with the weight.

Holiday GAINZ Arms Workout

Perform A1 & A2 alternately, resting as noted between for a total of 3 rounds.

B1) Lying Tricep Extension – 4 x 10 repetitions (2-0-1-0)No rest

B2) DB Incline Curl – 4 x 10 repetitions (2-0-1-0)
Rest 60 seconds

Perform B1 & B2 alternately, resting as noted between for a total of 4 rounds.

Final Thoughts

Enjoy the holiday season and use it to add some serious size and muscle to your frame. Look, either way, you’re going to be adding, “drop some pounds” to your New Year’s resolution list anyway, right? Might as well approach January 1st with a head start on some extra muscle.

From there, I’ve got something awesome for you that will help you do both–without going to the gym.

As much as I love my time under the iron, the fact is that the New Year’s rush is incredibly inconvenient; every gym is packed to the gills with new trainees who don’t know what they’re doing or where they’re going.

At most commercial gyms, getting a decent workout in between Jan 1 and Feb 15 is almost impossible. That’s why I recommend that people DO NOT go to the gym during the month of January.

Blasphemy!? Not really. I want people to get great results, especially as the New Year start off — but I don’t dealing with the insanity of a packed gym is the only way to do it.

If you’re training smart, and have the right programming, you can get amazing workouts (and amazing results) with minimal equipment, and without even leaving home.

I believe this so strongly I developed an entire program for this exact purpose. I call it #NoGymJanuary — a 4-week program designed to help you lose fat and build muscle without setting foot in the gym during the rush season.

While I’m definitely biased, I believe that #NoGymJan is the perfect program for just about anyone during the month of January.

Brand new trainees can use it to get in shape without dealing with “gym intimidation”, and more experienced people get all the benefits of a great workout program while avoiding all of the headaches of dealing with a crowded gym.

All of the workout can be done at home with minimal equipment, and can be modified to be easier or harder.

If you’re looking to start off the New Year RIGHT, #NoGymJan is pretty much the way to go. Unless you want to deal with people stealing your benches, not wiping down equipment, and just generally being pains in the ass.

]]>http://romanfitnesssystems.com/articles/holiday-gainz/feed/4Why The Jump Rope is the Best Conditioning Tool You’re Not Usinghttp://romanfitnesssystems.com/articles/jump-rope/
http://romanfitnesssystems.com/articles/jump-rope/#commentsTue, 16 Dec 2014 01:39:32 +0000http://romanfitnesssystems.com/?p=49350Long favored by athletes, fighters, and bad-assses, the jump rope is one of the most effective conditioning tools around. In this article, you’ll learn 3 ways to use the jump rope to builds athleticism, shred…

Anyone who’s ever struggled to gain muscle lives with a deep-seeded fear that if they make the wrong move with either training or nutrition, everything they’ve worked hard will evaporate.

In no aspect of fitness is this more obvious than the world of conditioning.

Formerly skinny guys like me tend to fear that too much conditioning will inevitably cause their powerful body to wither from a that of a high-performance beast to an emaciated marathoner. As a result, they skip conditioning entirely—leading to higher body fat, compromised health markers, and a greater propensity for injury.

As bad as that sounds, most of these trainees would sooner die than walk around smaller, weaker, and less masculine.

[Photo Credit: New Line Cinema]

I understand the mindset—I was a scrawny runt terrified of losing muscle and power too. While these fears aren’t completely unfounded, the horrors of conditioning eroding muscle tissue are overblown.

Luckily, there are certain types of cardio that do the opposite: they build athleticism while shredding fat and preserving your precious muscle.

Conditioning workouts with “hardcore” equipment like sleds and battling ropes are currently enjoying the spotlight, but there’s one old school tool doesn’t get the attention it rightly deserves: the jump rope.

While you might not immediately assume the jump rope could be as sexy or badass as sprints or sled work, the fact is, it’s been an indispensible tool for everyone from prize-fighters to football players to fitness models for generations.

These days, however, the jump seems to have fallen a bit out of favor, and has become an extremely under-utilized training implement. That ends here.

It’s time to re-think the jump rope, because it truly is the ultimate low-impact training tool for accelerated fat loss, increased athleticism, and unreal conditioning.

Jump Rope Benefits

The reasons to pull out the old speed rope and start skipping Rocky-style are legion. Here are few of the main ones.

Jumping Rope is an Ideal Warm Up

Firstly, let’s just establish that warming-up is far more important than most believe. In addition to having all sorts of hormonal benefits, the fact is raising core temperate and increasing blood flow is great for both mind and muscle; it helps create the right mental and physiological conditions for a great workout.

There really is no better warm-up tool before intense training than a simple jump rope. Skipping rope before Plyometrics, sprints, and explosive lifts fires up the nervous system, increases core/muscular temperature, and conditions the tissues of the lower body for explosive activity.

Explosiveness isn’t in your bag of tricks? No worries, for most gym rats skippin’ rope will improve coordination and athleticism in five minutes before your workout.

The Jump Rope Poses Minimal Risk for Injury

Jumping rope is a low-risk tool for two reasons.

Firstly, jumping rope is a self-limiting exercise: to jump rope without failing you must stay in an aligned, joint stacked position while moving, forcing your trunk to stay engaged and resilient under the load of movement.

If you miss mess up, welt your calves or triceps, or catch a toe, the exercise ends. All of this makes it extremely unlikely to over-do it; and, even better, nearly impossible to incur injury.

Compare this to something like sprinting. Naturally, I’m a huge fan of sprints, agility drills, and movement skills, but they’re just that—learned movement skills. Performing any coordinative skill under excess fatigue runs the risk of engraining a poor movement pattern and subsequent injury. (In other words, sprinting while exhausted is a great way to snap yo’ shit up.)

Sprints are a great exercise, of course, and not inherently “bad” or dangerous, there’s a skill component that requires mechanics and practice before piling on tons of volume–which can be a slow process, especially if you want to get lean in a hurry.

With regard to it’s accessibility, the jump rope is just a superior choice to condition the body for higher impact movement training without a high risk of injury.

Secondly, jumping rope is a low-impact movement, despite a high number of foot strikes. Here’s why this is important for us formerly skinny guys: unlike many other repetitive impact exercises, the lower impact does not create a hyper-catabolic environment—so you can use it get shredded without worrying about dropping lean body mass.

Jumping Rope Builds an Important Movement Foundation

Jumping rope develops speed, agility, and a coordination foundation for sports. Sprinting and high velocity movements are great—they build great levels of conditioning, improve athleticism, preserve muscle, and shred fat. Problem is, most guys haven’t sprinted in ages and those who have sprinted leave much to be desired with efficiency and technique.

You wouldn’t jump directly into near-maximal lifting would you? No; it would be irresponsible to jump into high impact sprints and/or change of direction work without first practicing and conditioning those tissues for impact.

All of which is to say that the jump rope is exceptionally effective in terms of both developing proper pattering and acute movement prep. Rather than being the guy who pops his hammy playing flag Football, use the jump rope as a warm-up and conditioning tool to prepare the body for rapid movements.

The Jump Rope is Well Suited to Power Development

When combined with weight training, jumping rope is a viable method to developing explosive and reactive power1.

Additionally jump rope requires minimal equipment or space and has a non-existent learning curl, making it a simple tool for power development.

Jumping Rope Leads to Increased Athleticism

Building on the above two points, jumping rope is an excellent way to develop the individual qualities that make up coordinative athletic movement—what we typically call “athleticism.”

Hitting the weights hard and eating well is important, but true athleticism requires coordination, not just brute strength. Everyone loves being big, strong, and fast, but they’re useless without technique and the ability to consistently express those physical qualities on demand.

Jumping rope not only allows you to develop these qualities individually, but also trains your body to seamlessly integrate them in concert with one another. How does this help you? Simple: spending a few minutes a week with a jump will help avoid being the dude who gets juked by some goon during a pick-up game.

Consistent Rope Work Leads to Some Sweet Calf Hypertrophy

It’s no secret that minuscule calf development is a problem for most guys. Hell, even the Austrian Oak himself struggled with calf development. So what gives? How can we grow these bad-boys?

Due to their involvement in every plantar flexion movement you make, calves are accustomed to extraordinarily high volume. That means walking, hopping, skipping, and standing already provide a high frequency, high volume workload for the calves.

The missing ingredient is load, and despite its simple appearance, single leg hops provide a significant load when jumping rope.

The Jump Rope is Amazing for Interval/Conditioning Work

Despite being low-impact jumping rope is a great conditioning tool. Rapid arm movement, maintaining a rigid core, and quick feet all combine to send your heart rate sky-high. Better yet, jumping rope is a low-impact exercise, meaning it’s a great way to condition frequently without undue stress on your joints, hormones, and nervous system.

On Selecting a Rope

“Okay dude, I get it, the jump rope is pretty bad ass. Now what?”

Here’s we you can run into a major snag in most gyms—there are no decent jump ropes. Those plastic pieces of crap tied in knots and thrown in the corner are worthless. Instead, you need a quality rope, so you should probably just buy your own.

Like anything else you get what you pay for. If you get a high quality rope and take care of it, it’ll last for a long while. If you buy a piece of crap for 10 bucks you’ll be replacing it constantly.

Beyond quality, the most important attribute of any given rope is it’s length. A rope that’s too short won’t allow you proper clearance; one that’s too long will have too much slack and you won’t be able to bring it around quickly enough. In either case, your training will be compromised, and you’ll be frustrated as hell.

The rule of thumb for length is that the jump rope should measure from the bottom of the foot, just past the armpit. Bent in half, the rope should hand to the ground from shoulder height.

Now, as for which rope to get: personally, I really like the stuff from the folks over at Crossrope, and have been using them almost exclusively for a while. In addition to the ropes being super high quality, CR provides the option to use progressively heavier ropes, and keep your gains coming as you advance.

Different ropes for different goals, yo.

It’s a pretty great system — just clip the correct rope onto the handles, and you’re good to go. Your options vary from training for super speed, to mastering double-unders, or even using the massive 3-pound Titan rope to build massive forearms and shoulders while getting your conditioning in.

That isn’t your only option, of course: a solid leather rope with a bit of weight to it will be more than adequate for your needs, and for all of the workouts you’ll find in this article; you just won’t have the same level of adjustability.

Either way, grab yourself a quality rope, and toss it in the ol’ gym bag so you’ve always got it hand.

Sample Jump Rope Uses

For Warming-Up

Take 5 minutes or set a number of jumps (200) as your goal before moving onto the rest of your dynamic warm-up. Jumping rope primes the nervous system, increases core and muscular temperature, and conditions the tissues of the lower body for explosive activity.

It shouldn’t be exhausting, but enough to get your heart racing, calves bumpin’, and mind ready for the workout ahead.

Using the Jump Rope for Calf Training

If your legs are dwarfed by those of a Flamingo you’re not alone. And jumping rope will help. High volume, high frequency, and high loading are three obvious ways to speed up muscular development of any muscle group.

As mentioned previously, calves are conditioned to a lot of volume from everyday tasks like walking; so regular hops over the rope aren’t the best use of your time. Instead, incorporate the jump rope as a warm-up tool and then add in single leg countdown skips for greater muscular tension and growth.

Single Leg Countdown Skips: Start with 10 hops on your right leg, perform them all in a row and move directly to 10 hops on your left. If you miss just pick up where you left off and continue all the way to 1.

Jump Rope Conditioning

The jump rope allows you to get creative as a conditioning tool. Because it’s low impact with low stress on the joints it’s a fantastic addition to density training circuits as a back-end exercise. The neural demands are light enough that it won’t overly fatigue the nervous system and hinder training results with big-bang exercises like deadlifts.

As a stand alone conditioning implement Double-Unders and the Runnin’ Man are my two go-to conditioning drills with each being performed twice per week with at least 48 hours between workouts.

Here’s how they break down:

Double Unders: Just like it sounds—whip the jump rope two times in a row with one singular jump. Work up to sets of 10 and use a lighter rope, like the Cross Rope Burn set. Rests 30-60 seconds and continue on for 10-15 minutes or until your lungs and calves explode, your choice.

Runnin’ Man: Just as it sounds, run in place while skipping the rope. Not only will this improve your coordination, it’s a deceptively tough conditioning workout. Go for time and work up to 10-15 minutes of continuous “running.” The impact is far less than your traditional steady state cardio or plodding along on the treadmill.

Jumping Rope for Active Recovery

Take 10 minutes; throw on some jams, and go to work with any of the above workouts. Even working at higher intensities won’t be enough to hinder your recovery unless you’re very deconditioned. Stick with single skips, get in a light sweat, and finish off with some mobility work.

Don’t make it complicated, just get it done.

Wrap Up

Well, that’s all she wrote. If you follow the routines outlined you’ll increase calf size, jumpstart athleticism, and improve your conditioning without losing your precious hypertrophy. Give the jump rope a go and let me know how you do.

]]>http://romanfitnesssystems.com/articles/jump-rope/feed/11Editor’s Letter, Volume 1: In With the Newhttp://romanfitnesssystems.com/articles/rfs-evolves/
http://romanfitnesssystems.com/articles/rfs-evolves/#commentsWed, 10 Dec 2014 18:09:20 +0000http://romanfitnesssystems.com/?p=49334An in depth look at everything that’s new at RFS. New Site, New Mission, New Model. Do not miss this update.

Welcome to the New New RFS. This is going to be an exciting update—a lot has changed, and I have so much to tell you.

Firstly, the obvious: check out our schmancy new site! Isn’t it pretty? So fresh. So clean. So minimal. So mobile friendly. Ah, I love it.

Take a minute to explore. Poke around at all the cool stuff we’ve got going on. The navigation bar has changed a bit, and we’ve got tons of useful links for both fitness and business in the footer. So, you may want to check there in a bit.

Next up, if you haven’t done so, or this is your first time here, I want to tell you to take a second to sign up for the newsletter, and get some free shit. Depending on what you’re interested in, we’ve got different gifts for ya.

Yes, yes, you can sign up for and download both; but that really screws up list segmentation, man. Ideally, just pick one goal, and I’ll make sure you only receive content and information related to that goal. Still, free is free, so do what you want. Go nuts.

Before you go any further, you may want to check out some of the new pages we’ve added. For example, after all these long years, I’ve finally drafted a true Mission Statement for us. It’s worth reading, when you have a moment.

Anyway. So, yeah. Man, December. Jeebus, is the year seriously over? Are we actually about to enter 2015?

I mean, that’s the year Marty McFly travels to in Back to the Future II, and while I’m glad we’ve made progress on the hoverboard front, I’m pretty pissed that I don’t have the option of a flying DeLorean.

Oh, man. Shit just got real. [Photo Credit: Universal Pictures]

(This is for the best, I suppose; just imagine how many accidents would result from texting while piloting a flying car. Silly humans.)

December can be a somber time; a time for reflection, and thoughts of things best set aside. It’s a time to think about the future, even as we say goodbye to the past.

Another year nearly in the books, another opportunity for people to start fresh and make some serious, lasting changes.

Which brings us to the heart of this Editor’s Letter, and our main purpose here: to talk about change.

What’s New—RFS Evolves

There’s a lot of new stuff to cover, above and apart from the fresh coat of codepaint the geniuses over at Copter Labs slapped on for us.

As crazy as it is to believe, we are now in RFS v7.0. This site has been functional for six years, and gone through seven iterations, each one having its own look, feel, and tone.

This particular update marks the biggest departure so far. Technologically, we didn’t just redesign the site, we fundamentally changed it.

Historically, we’ve just upgraded what was already there. This time, rather than build upon the existing foundations, we built something entirely new from the ground up—and, to further distance ourselves, burned the old one to the ground.

Oh, the content came over, as you can see: the Archives are completely in tact. But other than that, everything is new. Every picture, ever font, every scrap or snippet of code, all built for the express purpose of making this new version of RFS faster, leaner, and sexier.

These things are both necessary and symbolic, because the changes we’ve made require more power, but also represent an entirely new direction for everything we do here.

Our New Model

I’ll start with the biggest first. We are in transition. By that, I will no longer be the sole author here at Roman Fitness Systems. In fact, we are changing the publication model completely.

As of this moment, RFS is no longer a ‘blog’ – we’ve set our feet on a path to becoming a multifaceted media outlet with multiple writers, verticals, and features. While it’ll be a long time till we’re running at top speed like Nerdist or the Huffington Post, our goal is to get to that level.

Which is to say, we’re transitioning from a single author blog into a magazine-style site with multiple authors. This new site is the first step on that very long journey, but it’s one I am hugely excited to take.

Part and parcel with this new goal is a new system, and editorial style. Our hope is to publish new content 2-3 times per week—which, let’s admit, is a tad light, but still 10X as often as I’ve been doing so on my own.

To the best of my ability, I’m still going to be writing a ton of content, and hope to be a primary author for a long time to come. But to best serve you, and keep the content coming, we’ll be publishing far more guest content than ever before.

We Are Accepting Articles

As a corollary to the above, we’ll be actively accepting submissions. Not only are we eager to keep up with the demand for content, but we also want to use our platform to create a springboard for both new and established writers to engage with a new audience.

I’ll touch more on this below, but the upshot is that we are looking for people who can write engaging, compelling stuff; so, if you have a deft hand, a good eye, and some thick skin, submitting an article might be in your future.

It’s Past Time to Diversify

To close out that thought, I want to talk about the largest change, thematically. We’re going to really make a strong push towards content that isn’t related to training and nutrition.

Of course, traditional fitness stuff is still a focus, but not the focus; at least, not the only one. We’re going to start publishing far more articles on sex and dating, business and money, movies and literature—whatever suits our fancy, really.

Why All The Changes?

That is the obvious question, isn’t it? Why change what’s working, and what has worked for so long?

The fact is, it wasn’t working. Or, at least, it wasn’t working as well as it could have; not for me, anyway. I was exhausted, and not producing, among other things.

There are a lot of small factors here, but mainly it had become obvious that RFS had grown as much as it could grow in its most recent form. We had taken that system as far as it could go.

I mean this both philosophically and logistically.

For those interested, here are a few of the reasons, specific and broad, that we’re making some of these changes.

I Couldn’t Do It All Myself

My biggest logistical fear has long been that eventually, the entire business was going to collapse under it’s own weight.

Roman Fitness Systems has grown large, and it has a lot of moving parts. Those parts need to be well oiled, or they rust, and things start to fall apart. That was happening with alarming frequency. Worse, there were so many times here I was too busy to do anything but put out fires that nothing got done.

Basically, I had built systems that were a bit too static. In most cases, I became the bottleneck. I was the only one generating content, but if I was too busy to do that, welp, we’re kinda fucked, aren’t we?

If we’re being honest, doing it all on my own became too hard.

“Jonathan Moxon is just one man.” [Photo Credit: Paramount Pictures]

Or, it was always hard, but the increasing number of demands that split my attention concurrent with more stringent time limitations made things impossible.

I needed to accept that I have other responsibilities to the Company aside from writing: running the coaching stuff, consulting for all sorts of businesses, and creating things we actually sell to make money.

As the primary or singular content creator, I couldn’t give the site (or my writing) the attention it deserves. It is my fervent hope that as editor, I can.

I’m still going to write as often as possible, and all of the articles will be passed under my eye before they’re deemed worthy to fall under yours. I just won’t be writing as large a majority of the content as I once would have.

Life Is Too Short to Just Talk About Push-Ups

As to the question of diversification of content. I really don’t know what else to say here, other than, why the fuck not? The fact is, there are a lot of interesting things in life, and most of them happen outside of the gym.

I still think they’re important, and that improving them is important, so I want to help you do that. As I wrote in our mission statement, “fitness” isn’t just about what you do in the gym, it’s about suitability for success in life.

Our goal is to increase that suitability, in every conceivable context.

We want to help you learn as much as you can about as many things as possible. We want to be the resource that serves to help you cultivate capability. We want to help you push yourself towards suitability for success, in whatever area of life you need it.

To accomplish this ambitious feat, we’re going to write and publish articles on everything from mythology to muscle building, sex to science, and health to heroism.

I Don’t Want Things to Stagnate

Transitioning away from focusing purely on the more traditionally defined fitness topics is also a choice born out of personal interest.

At this point, I’ve released 8 digital products, written over two hundred articles for this site, hundreds more for other magazines and websites, done more podcasts and interviews than I can recount, and published a bestselling book. I’ve written a lot about fitness.

While it would be a gross overstatement to say that I’ve said everything I have to say about the subject, the fact is that I’ve covered most of the topics that catch my interest about as well as I can.

There are a lot of things I want to write about—some fitness related, most not. And because fitness isn’t the foremost thought in my mind, it won’t be the most prominent subject for me. I’ll be covering things I DO think about, areas I AM actively involved in, up to the neck, on a daily basis: writing, business development, and all things Roman.

Quality Is Everything

My split attention is a factor for other reasons: I feel that this generation of fitness content should be taken as seriously as possible. As such, it should be left in the hands of those who are consistently researching, testing, and pushing forward in the field. Simply, I’m not doing that.

In point of fact, on the day-to-day level, I do very little related to fitness. I still train, and work with my coaching clients, and have a few select in-person clients. I keep up to date on everything, but I’m not going to lie to you and say I’m trolling PubMed all day.

This is not the face of a man who reads research ten hours a week, but of a man who’s been sunbathing in St. Barts with spider monkeys for the past two weeks, tripping on acid.

It’s not that I’m “too busy” to do my job; it’s that my idea of what my job actually is has changed dramatically. I haven’t considered myself a “trainer” for many years; I consider myself a writer, a consultant, and an entrepreneur. This change—me taking a step back—is a reflection of that.

My own interests notwithstanding, there’s a very real need for me to spend more time serving as the guiding hand in how RFS, the company, runs. I have the responsibility to my business, my staff, and myself. We need to keep this thing growing, and this is the most logical step.

Of course, my editorial voice will still be overwhelmingly present on the site. I’ll just be relying on some new blood to fill in the gaps.

I Want to Publish Other Writers

One of the largest parts of all of this is my tremendous desire to pay it forward. Just about 12 years ago, someone gave me a shot: TC Luoma, Editor-in-Chief of what was then T-Mag (now T-Nation) read, accepted, and published the first fitness article to spring forth from my pen.

It was a big deal for me: I became part of that community, and have benefitted greatly from that association—I made friends, made contacts, and made progress. I found mentors who gave far too generously of their time, and through their help, I grew as a coach, a writer, and eventually, a man.

This transition of RFS is heavily inspired by my desire to pay homage to that tradition. I was lucky enough to have someone give me a shot; to have someone believe in me. I want to take a shot on other people.

There’s a Need for New Places for New Ideas

Consider this: Without T-Nation, who would have heard of Eric Cressey, Mike Robertson, John Berardi, Bret Contreras, or any of the other dozens of now-famous coaches who got their start there? I’m sure everyone would have had a lot of success, but let’s not kid ourselves and say we’d all be where we are.

It’s mind-boggling how indebted this generation of coaches is to that site, and sites like it.

That isn’t quite the case anymore. TN is more established, and has a cadre of writers from whom it tends not to deviate. Getting in there as a “new guy” is a lot harder than it used to be.

But there are a lot of people out there with great ideas, and they just need a place to publish them. And that is something I am honored to be in a position to provide, and it’s what I want to do here.

We’ve built a huge platform here at RFS, and I can’t personally think of a better way to leverage that platform than developing a launching pad for new, up-and-coming writers to showcase fresh, radical ideas, and to posit things that could change the industry.

As we transition into a magazine-style site, my goal is to feature as many new, talented, innovative people as possible.

To Better Serve You

More than anything, this change is for you. The fact is, things simply could not progress any further then they had without changing the model.

I owe everything to my readers, and this community truly means more to me than I can say. I want to continue to serve it, and you, to the best of my ability. I want to give you the best of everything, and the best way to do that is to expand multi-directionally.

I want to help you achieve all the goals you’ve set for yourself, whether it’s hitting a deadlift PR or getting your dream job; getting published for the first time or meeting the love of your life. I’m not an expert on everything, but I know a thing or two about a thing or two, and can help with a lot of this stuff.

Anything I can’t? I’ll find someone who can. Because we’re bros, and that’s what bros do for each other.

Welcome, Welcome, One & All

Well! That is one lengthy post. I promise, not all of my Editor’s Letters will be quite so long. And, in fact, they won’t be posted here, but rather sent directly to your inbox—so if you haven’t signed up, do that here.

This has been a year of momentous change for everyone at Roman Fitness Systems; and, now that we’ve unveiled our plans for world domination, that includes you, too.

So, please: as proud members of the Empire, share your thoughts and feelings with us. We want to hear form you, and seek always to learn as much from you as you do from us.

If you have any thoughts, comments, or suggestions concerning the new direction(s) we’re taking, leave them below, and we’ll get back to you, pronto. This is the season for change, after all, and we want to know what that means to you.

Thank you for reading, and being part of all of this—both RFS in general, and this new grand adventure upon which we now embark.

]]>If you want attention on the internetz, you need to post about one of the three things: religion, feminism, and food.

In particular, just talk about how one of those things is either really awesome or really terrible.

Now, since I don’t give a shit about religion and I’m certainly not dumb enough to write about feminism (which for the record is awesome), I’m pretty much relegated to writing about food. So is every other fitness professional, which is why you’re flooded with articles about it all the time.

At least once a week, I see some fitness professional publish an article about various types of foods. Maaaaybe these articles will be about foods you absolutely must eat, other times you read about foods you should avoid.

Sometimes they tag on a helpful modifier of “if THIS isn’t part of your diet you probably hate your mother and disrespect rainbows.”

On the other hand, there are the people who write lists about all the foods you can’t eat because they’re the devil. I’m not even talking about the alarmists who try to convince you that if you’re eating something that if you ingest artificial sweeteners, your stomach will shrivel up and your brain will bleep out from your eyes. I just mean people who say shit like “bananas will keep you from losing fat.” Fuck you and your banana hatred, clown.

The worst are the foods that jump back and forth between lists. This week pomegranate is bad for you; next week it’s awesome. Blah blah blah.

Anyway, I decided to just say fuck all the noise and write my own damn list. The MASTER List of Super Foods.

These are 11 foods that will never change. They will always be good for you. They will always make you run faster, jump higher, lift more weight, and generally be a healthier human. And yes, I have personally vetted each one.

The problem is, most of these are pretty controversial. Some people will tell you not to eat them. Some will even try to use the recommendations of these foods to discredit me.

Well, bring it on, bitches. Never believe anyone else in the fitness industry. Only believe me. Only I am ever correct on anything. Or maybe I got that mixed up. Doesn’t matter. They’ll probably just tell you to eat Acai berries. I’m going to tell you to eat things that will unlock the secrets of the universe.

And by the way, although whiskey is not included on this list, you can be damn sure I’ve been ingesting it while writing this article, so be prepared for everything that follows to be either complete insanity or sheer brilliance.

Ready? And now…

11 Controversial Super FoodsYou NEED To Be Eating

1. Horse Meat

I’m going to start with the easiest and most logical point on this list: if you’ve never had horsemeat, you’re missing out and you want to change that. If you live in the US, that’s going to be an issue, because horse meat is actually illegal here.

Why, you ask? Well, there are probably all sorts of reasons you can look up, but they’re all bullshit. The fact of the matter is that here in ‘Murica, we have a really hard time with the idea of eating anything that is either cute, or could be kept as a pet.

Cats, dogs, horses, dolphins, whales—basically, if an animal has ever been given an on-screen personality, it’s off the menu for Americans. Pigs are the obvious exception, but they’re grandfathered in. Plus, trying to take bacon from Americans would meet slightly less resistance than, oh, I dunno, sane gun control laws.

Can you even imagine the reaction? OBAMA IS A MUSLIM AND HE TRIED TO TAKE OUR BACON. It would be the only Civil War in history resulting from dietary restrictions. (Except for all of those religious wars, which I assume are also fought over bacon.)

A few months back, Burger King got in trouble for adding horse to its burgers, and everyone freaked out. This is stupid. Let go of whatever ingrained prejudices you have and just do it, because horse is basically the perfect fitness protein.

I said as much on Facebook, so if you want a laugh you should read through the thread because people got thuper-thalty.

On another note, let’s all just recognize that the description of Daenerys eating a raw horse heart in A Game of Thronestakes up less space on the page than most of Tyrion’s meals. This is because George R.R. Martin spends way too much time talking about food and not enough moving the damn story along. But that’s just a personal gripe.

If, like GRRM, you get a big ol’ food boner for his descriptions, you might like this book:

Yeah, this exists.

For the rest of us, I’ll just say I hope the next book has more killing and less food.

Moving on: horsemeat really is fucking delicious, and if you get your hands on some of it, eat the shit out of it. Unless you don’t want to be a Dothraki warrior, in which case I don’t even know how to begin to help you. This article may be of use to you, though.

2. Unicorn Meat

If you have a problem with eating horse, you’re going to have trouble swallowing this one, too. (Heh. Puns.) But for everyone who’s actually looking to get the most out of adding super foods to their diet, read on.

Unicorn Meat has all of the advantages of horsemeat, plus a host of unique benefits that come with eating a goddamn unicorn.

Not only is it super high in protein and super low in fat, all of the protein grams are instantly anabolic and result in pure muscle growth with no fat gain. In addition to all that, ingestion of unicorn meat will increase pretty much any of your baseline stats considerably, depending on which region you eat.

Here’s a handy chart, to help you figure it out:

nomnomnom

There are two obvious caveats here. The first is that the effects of unicorn meat are temporary. Depending on your overall Lean Body Mass and general constitution, the effects will last between 3-5 hours; therefore, I suggest waiting to eat it until immediately prior to a quest or raid. The second is the effect on your alignment.

I mean, just killing a unicorn can plunge an entire enchanted forest into darkness and drop you all the way from Chaotic Good all the way to True Neutral. You have to imagine that butchering it and serving it up for dinner would probably shove your ass all the way to Chaotic Evil.

Anyway, maybe you’re not concerned about your alignment. Maybe you’re happy running around stealing candy from babies and shit. Not me, though. I like my alignment where it is: if I drop any lower than Chaotic Neutral, my dual-wield modifier gets decreased and the -2 penalties for my off-hand come back. And if that’s gonna happen, what’s the fucking point?

To avoid all this, I just buy canned Unicorn Meat, which is also a lot more convenient.

Sure, it’s not as fresh, but I would rather let the goblins at the factory butcher it for me; if they’re okay with their alignment the way it is, who am I to argue?

3. Demon Meat & Ichor

Have you ever finished putting the hurting a demon horde, wiped the ichor from your Holy Avenger, then looked down at the corpses around you and thought, “hmmm…I wonder how that would taste?”

I must admit: it seemed foreign to me, too. Then I read the Warded Man: Book One of the Demon Cycle, by Peter V. Brett. If you haven’t read it, there are some minor spoilers in the next paragraph, so proceed with caution.

spoilers ahead, sucka

At the end of the first book, the main character of Arlen Bales is trapped out in the desert with no supplies. Having recently armed himself with some evil-smiting wards, he roughs up some sand demons and, not having many options, decides to cut on open, cook it, and eat it.

Would you like to place your order for demon steaks now? OF COURSE YOU WOULD.

Too bad you can’t, and you’ll have to out there and kill your own, just like Arlen. If you happen to survive the encounter, cut’em open and eat’em. Side effects may include doubting your humanity, exclusion from society, and eventual insanity. But, you know. Totally worth it.

4. Never-foods

Holy shit. We’re getting a bit dark here. Time to change gears. So let’s head somewhere decided less serious: Neverland, where you get to have everything you want…as long as what you want is to always be a boy and to have fun.

And, of course, eat all your favorite Never-foods, fight pirates, and basically live a true endless summer. The best part about all that has got to be the Never-foods, because they’re completely calorie free. You can eat all you want and never, ever get fat—unless you believe yourself to be fat.

The only fat Lost Boy, ever. His imagination is so strong it manifested obesity. By the way, this character’s name is actually Thud Butt. I shit you not.

For anyone who doesn’t know, the primary cuisine of the Lost Boys in Neverland is basically made up of air and your imagination. If you can’t imagine yourself eating, you won’t eat—because there’s nothing there, SON.

However, if you’ve got a good imagination, high strength of will, and a gift for self-delusion, you’re golden. Never-foods can be anything you want them to be, which is fantastic if you like to eat stuff that’s a pain in the ass to actually cook, like a 30-pound turkey or nine bowls of multi-colored pudding.

On top of keeping you full, Never-foods make you awesome at food fights, winning insult contests against children, and helping you remember that you’re the GODDAMN PAN and you can fly, fight, and crow like a motherfucker.

With Never-foods, you’ll be able to walk that line of sustenance without starving. That’s how Rufio managed to keep that lithe fighter’s build and still have the energy to get stabbed in the chest by a dude in a wig (respect).

Awwww, poor Rufio, you say. Don’t feel bad for him, guys. In addition to having one of the most influential punk/post-hardcore bands of the generation named after him, Rufio also eventually went on to do Slam-Poetry about choking bitches, so it worked out all right in the end.

5. Lembas

If Neverland fare doesn’t suit your fancy, let’s head over to Middle-earth, where you can get some of the tastiest treats this side of the Anduin. Now, I don’t usually hold with foreign food, but this Elvish stuff’s not bad. And by “Elvish stuff,” you know I’m talking ‘bout dat Lembas.

Lembas (or Waybread) is an incredible superfood with a variety of uses, depending on your goal. It’s highly concentrated nutrition, making it nearly perfect for long treks: not only will it stay fresh for months (assuming it’s wrapped properly), a few small bites is enough to sustain you for long periods of time.

Trying to get lean? Set it and forget it. Just have a nibble of Lembas and pretty much ignore food for the rest of the week. This is more of an intuitive eating type of dieting, but it works. You ever seen a fat elf? Of course you haven’t.

On the other hand, Lembas is also great for gaining mass—just ask any Hobbit who happened to eat more than they should have.

According to MyFitnessPal, the macro breakdown of this delicious Elven Waybread is very carb heavy and pretty calorically dense; and, volumetrically, Lembas doesn’t take up a lot of room—this makes it perfect for someone who’s a hardgainer and always complaining that they just can’t eat anymore.

For you history buffs out there, Tolkien most likely based Lembas on hard tack, which he probably would have eaten as a soldier in WWI. Others have posited that Lembas was an allegorical reference to Eucharist; however, given Tolkien’s staunchly negative view on allegory in general, that seems unlikely.

Anyway. As you can see, Lembas is a superfood if ever there was one. Good for fat loss, good for mass gain, and perfect for fueling that long walk into Mordor.

Contrary to what Google and Boromir would have you believe, turns out you totally do just walk into Mordor.

6. Melange (aka “The Spice”)

I don’t normally recommend drugs of any kind, but I’m willing to make a few exceptions. The first of these is melange, and for good reason: if ever you were going to do a drug, this is the one.

Melange is not only THE drug of choice for the Fremen culture in Frank Herbert’s DUNE, it’s also part of the entire societal make up: it’s basically principle driver of trade and commerce, as well as the plot of the books as a whole.

Seriously. These books are mostly about drug trade.

But, that’s not the cool part. The cool part is that in addition to turning your eye White-walker blue (the entire eye, not just the iris), you gain increased awareness, wisdom, and mental ability. So it’s sort of like ayahuasca and/or a +2 potion of wisdom.

More importantly, if you take some of the melange and read DUNE, you might find yourself in the tiny minority of folks who somehow doesn’t think it’s one of the most overrated sci-fi series of all time.

Oooh yeah, I totally read that.

Alternatively, you could just keep doing what most people do and pretend you actually read it. Both work.

7. Plum Bob

As long we we’re on the topic of drugs, here’s another drug-based superfood I highly suggest you try: the Plum Bob.

Technically, it’s more of an alchemical poison than an actual food, but it can be added to just about anything to devastating effect. In the Wise Man’s Fear, book two of Patrick Rothfuss’s Kingkiller Chronicle, the main character of Kvothe is dosed with a Plum Bob by one of his nemeses, and we see exactly what can happen.

Basically, the drug removes inhibitions and all social filters, which more or less negates the ability to tell right from wrong.

To use an example from the book:

The Plum Bob also brings with a heightening of emotionality, and, perhaps, a propensity for doing—if I may quote Master Elodin, somethingstupid beyond all mortal ken.

Put in the simplest terms, the Plum Bob confers upon the victim user the sort of reckless bravery that comes with being really, really drunk. Only without all of the other side effects, like slurred speech or impaired motor functioning.

In some ways, it’s like Phase Three of the drug HFS from 21 Jump Street.

Now, you may be wondering why a drug that makes you say crazy things and removes your inhibitions without impairing you physically is a good thing, or why you’d want to ingest it. I’ve been thinking about this, and the answer is simple: some people just need help getting out of their own damn way.

For example, I have a lot of friends who are…shall we say, diffident when it comes to interacting with members of the opposite sex. They’re too shy, lack confidence, and basically wind up doing nothing. Which as we know is a really bad way to make things happen.

Dosing them with a Plum Bob is a good lesson in what’s the worst that can happen? You get out there and you say some shit to a girl you’ll probably never see again. Maybe it’s clever, maybe it’s dumb. Maybe you’ll stumble across the sort of rare profundity that seems to only present itself when there’s whiskey involved. Who knows?

The point is, you will never, ever feel more comfortable saying what’s on your mind than when you have some of this alchemically induced awesomeness permeating your cell walls. And at the end of your 8-hour acid trip into the Land of Fuck Yeah, you’ll come out of it and see that there probably weren’t any long-term consequences resulting from your actions.

Sure, perhaps you messed up a few opportunities, or blew some dude in the bathroom because someone dared you, but so what? In the end, it’ll help you see that fortune favors the bold, and that you gotta get out there and make shit happen.

I personally believe that we can all benefit from a night with no hang-ups.

(Please note that I am making a joke about a substance that does not actually exist, and not encouraging drugging yourself or others. Seriously, if you fucking roofie someone, you are a terrible person and you do not get to blame it on me, you psychopath.)

8. The Blood of Your Enemies

Okay, enough about drugs. Let’s get back to some #realtalk. When you’re talking superfoods, you’re talking serious shit, and what could be more serious than drinking the blood of your slain foes? Nothing, that’s what. If you’re being extra hardcore, do it from their skull, like Karl fuckin’ Tanner.

Ancient cultures did this all the time. You kill a man, you take some of his essence; drinking his blood is one way to do that. According to certain beliefs, you’ll gain some of his strength, knowledge, and experiences. You’ve already proven yourself to be the superior warrior, and partaking of this superfood is one way to ensure you keep getting better.

If you’re going to be hacking and slashing people to death, you owe it to them to drink their blood, or eat a bit of their flesh. Unless you happen to an Immortal, in which case you obviously behead them and take their Quickening while blasting some Queen.

9. The Brains of Your Victims

Not into defeating your enemies in glorious battle and then drinking their blood? No problem. I get it.

You’re not at home on the battlefield: you live on the Upper West Side, and you believe in a taking care of yourself, a balanced diet, and a rigorous exercise routine.

As such, it’s totally understandable that because blood is so carb-heavy, you wouldn’t indulge in it while hitting your stomach crunches in the morning (I heard you can do over a thousand now—good job!). Being such a sophisticated bon vivant, you prefer to lure people in and kill them at home. I feel you, dawg.

That said, this can be super frustrating. After all, it’s not that you want them to get drunk, but when there’s a very fine chardonnay they’re not drinking, it can cause you to lose your grip on reality and want to just start killmurdering a naked swath through Upper Manhattan.

When this happens, I highly suggest eating the brains of your victims. That’s right, brains. They’re not just for zombies anymore! Low in carbs, high in protein and loaded with healthy fats, the brains of your victims are a superfood that should be a part of any diet. While I can’t prove that they’ll make you smarter, I can tell you they ARE delicious.

Plus, there are a host of other benefits, including: impeccable taste in suits and haircuts; rapidly expanding knowledge of popular music; increased frequency of threesomes; guaranteed reservations at Dorsia.

Side effects include: feeding stray cats to ATMs; and intense anxiety attacks brought on by looking at other people’s business cards.

Still unsure about it? Well, Patrick Bateman ate the brains of his victims, and I can’t think of anyone else you’d rather be. Except probably me.

10. Anything from the Holy Grail

While it’s exceptionally unlikely that you’ll ever get your hands on the Holy Grail, I wouldn’t be doing my job if I left it out.

So, to business: anything you drink out of the Grail instantly becomes a superfood. Water restores youth and heals injuries, wine gives you insight into the turning of the universe; stuff like that.

“I promise, it’s a Martini.”

And that’s all well and good…but if you’re any sort of meathead at all, you’ll do the smart thing and drink your protein shake out of the Holy Grail. Yeah, that’s right. You just spent five years of your life leveraging the accumulated wisdom of the ages on a Grail Quest, and now I want you to fill the thing with whey protein and drink your post workout shake from it.

I can’t prove, but I simply refuse to believe this won’t be more effective than drinking it from a damn shaker cup. I just refuse. So for the sake of argument, let’s just agree that drinking your shake from the chalice used at the Last Supper is going to give you super strength, slash your body fat in half, and basically guarantee constant deadlift PRs for the next six months. We’re all agreed on that? Good.

There’s really no reason not to do this. It’s what Indiana Jones would do. It’s what King Arthur would do. It’s what Robert Langdon would do. And without question, it’s what Roman would do.