Loving Community

Saturday, 8 December 2018

First date magic

Going on your very first day can be a very daunting experience. On the one hand, you are excited to finally go out with this person that you have been getting to know. On the other hand, you know there is a possibility that it might not work out leaving you exactly where you started.

The last outcome is of course not desirable, but it is sometimes inevitable. It is also better to know on the first date that you are not compatible than to waste each other’s time and emotional energy only to find out later. Determining whether or not you are a good match is all about the questions you ask. Here are 7 of them that should get you started.

Seven questions you need to ask

How long have you been single and why?

First thing’s first, you need to establish whether or not your date is truly on the market. Unless of course, you are ok in which you can go ahead and skip this question.

However, if you want your man or woman all to yourself, this is a question you definitely cannot afford to leave out. It lets you get an idea of whether or not the person has healed from previous relationships and whether they are ready for a new one.

What are you looking for in a partner?

Knowing what you are after allows you to establish whether you are both a match by identifying traits in yourself that he or she may be looking for. If everything they describe is everything that you are not, you might want to start looking elsewhere.

It is also important to let them finish without interrupting in an attempt to offer yourself up as an option. The last thing you want is for them to describe you as their perfect partner simply because they knew that is what you wanted to hear.

What are your some of your flaws?

Awareness of your flaws is a very important question to give you an idea of what you are getting into. Probe for the juicy stuff and do not settle for fake modesty answers like ‘I am too generous’ or ‘I work too hard.’ The question should be open to both flaws in relationships and those in general life.

What are your pet peeves?

Knowing about your pet peeves helps you figure out whether there is anything you do that may put your date off. It could be that your date cannot stand the feeling of styling gel on hair or they hate tardiness. You need these answers so you can prepare yourself in advance and adjust your annoying behavior if there is a need for that.

Do you think you are ready for a commitment?

Trust me, you do not want to waste your time with a commitment-phobic person unless you are one yourself. And if that is the case you do not want to be stuck with someone who is constantly pressuring you to get into a relationship with them. This question is the only one on this list that requires that you are both on the same page.

Where do you see yourself in X number of years?

It could be a year, three, five or even ten. The answer here allows you to identify ambition and focus on your date. There is no correct answer here, but it is always a more positive sign if the person has an idea of what they would like to do with their lives. This particular question matters a lot for goal-oriented people.

How do you spend your weekends?

Again, you do not have to have the same interests. However, if some of their pastime activities check your pet peeves list, you shouldn’t consider a second date.

Compatibility is no similarity

Before you go on that date, one more thing you need to understand is that compatibility does not mean having everything in common. So if he likes to go out on the weekends and you are a couch potato, it does not mean you cannot make it work. The important thing is to understand all the good and bad that will come from a potential relationship with the person and deciding whether you can live with them.

Bottom line

So the next time you go on a first date make sure to arm yourself with these very important questions. It may seem intense at first, but it will save you a lot of trouble down the line.

Tuesday, 20 November 2018

These days, it seems that everywhere you turn there is some new challenge for you and your partner to face. Whether it is all the phony dating trends that came with 2018 or changes in attitude threating your idea of happily ever after, there is no doubt that you need to work harder to stay afloat as a couple.

What is probably one of the most frustrating set of obstacles involves social media. Whether you are hooked, or you haven’t had an account since the days of MySpace, the effect on these platforms on relationships is hard to ignore.

Below are four of what are considered the worst social media crimes in relationships. It is important to note that the reactions vary from person to person. What you might consider a pet peeve is to someone else the most sincere way to show that you are in love. We will also cover a few foolproof tips that will help you navigate through these tricky waters. That way, you don’t have to worry about something as petty as a Facebook post or lack thereof costing you your relationship.

4 Social media habits that could cost you your relationship

Oversharing

Oversharing is a rare problem in this day and age where it seems almost everyone is pro-social media. However, for the few who do not appreciate oversharing, this can be a major pet peeve.

It starts innocently enough with you sharing a cute photo, text screen grab or a sentimental shout out. In your mind, it is probably the modern-day equivalent or sending chocolates and flowers or some other grand romantic gesture.

It soon becomes pretty evident that your loving gesture backfires when it becomes a major fight. Fighting over this happens mainly with people who value their privacy almost to a fault. There is nothing wrong with this stance, but it is something that you should look out for as a potential pitfall.

Under-sharing

Now, this is the one that is very common. In this case, you or your partner feels that the best way to show that you are thriving as a couple is by sharing evidence on it online. It could be anything from photos of you together on holiday to text posts describing your love to each other. If either of you considers this the ultimate display of love, then you might get irked when your significant other fails to live up to your expectations.

More often than not, you or your partner will feel under-valued. It is almost like they are not proud enough to show you off. Again there is nothing wrong with feeling this way so you shouldn’t feel ashamed or make your partner feel bad about being disappointed.

Airing out your dirty laundry

No one on planet earth enjoys having all their dirty secrets out in public. It is, therefore, one of the few social media pitfalls that is more or less universally unacceptable.

Maybe you fought, and your reaction is to post a long rant on Facebook complaining about how annoying your partner is. Or it could get to a dark point where you go as far as exposing private correspondence online as a way to get back at your partner. Whatever the case, it is not cool and is enough grounds to end the relationship.

Lack of public acknowledgment

It might sound petty to a lot of people, but it has ended more relationships that anyone would expect. Something as simple as changing your status from single to dating on Facebook can wipe away any insecurities in your significant other’s mind.

Many people make the mistake of assuming that posting their picture is enough. The argument here is this; how will anyone know that is your girlfriend/boyfriend and not a platonic friend? See how tricky it is?

What now?

These four issues highlighted above are almost laughable regarding how trivial they are. However numerous surveys have shown that very many people today value their online appearances more than ever before. We are pretty much living in a world where if it isn’t online then it doesn’t matter. So how exactly can your relationship survive with so many odds stacked against it? Here are three foolproof tips that will help.

Talk it out

Find a compromise

Focus on your relationship

Bottom line

In conclusion, there is truly no problem too small to cause issues in your relationship. So do not underestimate the power of sending that tweet or failing to change your relationship status on Facebook. Instead, have an actual conversation about your expectations and hard limits. That way you do not unwittingly step on your partner’s toes as you go about your business of sharing your business.

Monday, 5 November 2018

What a year it has been

The world of romance and courtship is one that is very dynamic. However, there seems to have been more drastic deviations in the past couple of years than in recent memory. A lot has changed from how we meet to the rules that govern our interactions.

There are also some trends that have emerged that are worth mentioning. If you have actively been dating, then the chances are that you have experienced or witnessed some of these fads. You are probably even guilty of a few of them. However, if you haven’t been in the scene here are a few you need to be aware and prepared for before you get back into the game in 2018/2019.

Trends you need to be aware of

Commitment-phobia

This type of phobia is without a doubt the most common trends of them all. It is sometimes also referred to as benching. Here, you find an awesome guy or girl who talks to you every single day. You get along super well, have a lot in common, and it truly seems like a match made in heaven. However, when you get to a place where you want to move things to the next level they hit you with those five painful words.

“I’m not ready to commit.”

The fake beau trend

These days, if it didn’t happen on social media, then it doesn’t count. The obsession with displaying private matters to the public is what has led to this second interesting trend. The faux-beau trend involves pretending that you are in an enviable serious relationship while in real life you are as painfully single as it gets.

Subtle bragging

Bragging, also sometimes referred to as flexting in modern lingo and you will either love it or hate it. It is where people get a free pass to brag and show off their achievements without judgment. You could send your love interest a photo of yourself on the beach on holiday to show you are not too badly off financially. It could also be a photo of those killer cheese-grater abs on your profile. It is still bragging, but the indirect nature of it makes it more tasteful than outright proclaiming your awesomeness.

No more playing hard to get

Playing hard to get the single most positive trend when it comes to 2018/2019 dating. No one has time to keep chasing you with so many options out there. There is no room for childish games. However, this doesn’t mean that people are easy and loose. It just means that they are more forward when it comes to disclosing their interest or lack thereof.

Kittenfishing

A new trend is replacing Catfishing, and it is in a lot of ways similar to the old nightmare of a trend. With kittenfishing, you have individuals setting up genuine accounts but telling one too many white lies about themselves. It could be about the amount of money they make, their interests and even their relationship status. It may not be as bad as Catfishing, but it is still super misleading and therefore annoying.

Ghosting and haunting

Dating these days has a supernatural twist to it with trends like ghosting and haunting. Ghosting is where someone you have been having constant communication with all of a sudden drops of the radar with no warning. Haunting, on the other hand, is the reverse of this where someone you have turned down fails to take the hint and keeps trying to reach out. Both are annoying and make finding love in 2018 a challenge.

The swiping is cheating movement

There is still a running debate with people on either side being very passionate about their points of view. However, there is an overwhelming majority of the opinion that maintaining an online dating presence is not ok while in a relationship. It is a trend that needs to be adopted if relationships are to survive in this day and age.

In a nutshell

If there were one perfect word to describe these trends, it would be ‘interesting.’ A few of them represent positive change and progress towards a more fun and open-minded dating environment. Unfortunately, most are annoying and disappointing which is why you need to go in ready. The important thing is to remember that whether you are being ghosted or kept in the friend zone, then you are not alone. It doesn’t mean it is ok, but it makes it easier to swallow.

Friday, 19 October 2018

Don’t just say it – show it

Being in a beautiful and healthy relationship is one of the best feelings in the world. It’s like instantly everything in your life changes and becomes so much more fun and fulfilling. However, if you do not put in the work this feeling goes as fast as it goes.

To keep things going in a positive direction, you need to make your partner feel loved and appreciated. It is not enough to tell them what they mean to you. You need to prove it with your actions. So how exactly do you turn your unromantic self into the stuff of fairytale dreams? Here are nine easy starting points.

How to channel your inner romantic

1. Give genuine compliments frequently

Everyone loves to get compliments. Some of us even go as far as fishing for them to feel validated. Therefore, these should be a part of your regular interactions with your significant other. It is important to note that compliments should not be restricted only to physical traits but should also include things like achievements and personal characteristics. It is also nice to praise them for doing regular activities well whether it is cooking or tidying up the living room.

2. Show interest in their interests

Another powerful display of affection is asking questions. It shows your interest in who they are, what they love and what makes them different. Ask simple questions about what they are doing, how they are doing it and how it makes them feel. It will bring you two a lot closer than you could ever imagine.

3. Surprise gifts and treats

The good thing is that you do not have to go broke when making gifts for your partner. You can make a small DIY gift that is cute and sentimental. But if you have deep enough pockets, then there is no problem in going all out to spoil your lady or your man. For example, you could use the Gift Delivery service offered by AmoLatina to send your partner a beautiful bouquet of flowers or a nice box of chocolates.

4. Romantic notes and cheesy love letters

Yep. People still do this in the 21st century, and it works wonders. A simple well-worded note could make the world of a difference in your relationship. So give it a try. If you feel that you have a lot more to say then make it a letter. The longer and cheesier it is the better it is for you and your relationship. So channel your inner romance novelist and make your partner feel like the most special human being in the world.

5. Make your beau a priority

You might have a busy work schedule or even an active social life, but these should never be an excuse for not spending quality time with your beau, whether online or in real life. You need to intentionally and regularly make them a priority if you want your relationship to not only last but also thrive.

6. Be present when you hang out

It is not enough to spend time together. It is more about quality time than quantity time. When you hang out, try to stay off your phone and be invested in the conversation.

7. Get as touchy-feely as you possibly can

Hug, kiss, cuddle and do whatever it takes to be as close as possible on a regular basis. That ensures that the chemistry doesn’t die out and that both of you get the assurance of mutual attraction.

8. Treat your partner like a king or queen

Every once in a while it is nice to go out of your way to do something extra for your partner. Bring them breakfast in bed; sponsor a spa day or whatever else it takes to make them feel like royalty.

9. Say those three magic words

Finally, do not forget to say I love you. It isn’t enough on its own and must include gestures. However, leaving it out of the equation is criminal as it is the one thing that set’s your relationship apart from any other casual friendship.

Conclusion

It is important to remember that these shows of affection should not be once in a blue moon gestures. It is something you should frequently do to reinforce the effects. Don’t worry; you don’t have to write letters every day or make them breakfast in bed as a daily routine. Unless, of course, you are a real-life unicorn and you want to do it. Just don’t space out the gestures too much. Strike that perfect balance, and you will keep things golden for a very long time.

Wednesday, 3 October 2018

It isn’t always as it seems

One of the best things about online dating is also one of the worst things about it. There are thousands of options. It means that even when you have found a great match, there are still numerous alternatives out there to consider.

Unfortunately, many online daters are never just satisfied with one relationship. They take full advantage of all these platforms have to offer ‘committing’ to as many people as they can. If you are all about monogamy, then this might rub you the wrong way. Here are a few tips and tricks that should help you identify such serial daters and avoid them for your own sake.

How to spot serial cheaters online

Dodgy answers to important questions

Every time you try to get deep and ask serious questions you never get a straight answer. That is common with serial cheaters who do not want to give up too much potentially incriminating information. You will experience this mainly when you start asking about things like past relationships and current social life.

Always avoiding offline dates

If your online partner keeps canceling or straight up refusing to go on physical dates, then something is not right. That usually happens because they do not want to get seen out in public with someone new. It is also often because their main relationship keeps them fully occupied and they cannot risk taking time off to meet you. So if your online beau doesn’t appear interested in a physical date you better kick rocks.

They keep their friends and family out of the loop

Sometimes, the person may agree to meet you for dates, but they refuse to let you meet their friends and family. When someone goes out of their way to keep such a secret, it is never a good sign. More often than not, a serial cheater will be opposed to a family or friends introduction if these people have already met another current lover.

Many active online dating profiles

No one on planet earth who is serious about their relationship still keeps an active online dating profile. And forgetting to deactivate it is not a legitimate excuse. If you find out that your partner still has one or more active accounts, then that is a sure sign that you got played.

The fishy timing for calls, video chats, and texts

Unless you are on drastically different time zones, calls or texts through your chosen mobile dating app during weird hours of the day are suspicious. These mean that the person not only has another active relationship but is probably also seeing these people offline. So you are not only getting cheated on but you’re also a few steps behind your competition.

Moving too fast too soon

Serial cheaters on online dating platforms usually only want one thing; sex. They also tend not to waste any time asking for it. They may ask for phone sex, raunchy photos or physical hookup sessions. Now don’t get me wrong, there is nothing bad about a little fun. However, if it all happens too soon, there are chances that he/she is also trying to get the same elsewhere.

Excessive use of pet names

It might seem sweet when he calls you sweet pea or when she calls you babes there is no denying that. Unfortunately, some people use these pet names as a way to avoid mixing up names of all their current dating projects. It is not a 100% sure sign, but it is worth investigating.

A significant history of unfaithfulness

The best indicator of future cheating is the past. It is always important to give people a second chance but not to disregard their history completely. That is especially the case if they do not seem particularly remorseful about their old ways.

They don’t post about you on their social media

It is another one that is not 100% guaranteed regarding accuracy but is still worth considering in a day and age where if it isn’t on social media it doesn’t exist. When investigating this clue, try and distinguish between a cheater and someone who likes to keep their personal life private.

Your gut says so

If you have a feeling that something just isn’t adding up, then it is best to head out the door. Trust me; you do not want to wait for proof that you were right all along.

Conclusion

These 10 are red flags that you should constantly be looking out for. It doesn’t matter whether you just started talking of you have had an online LDR for months. Remember that the most important thing is that you protect your heart at all cost. And constant vigilance is a great way to start.

Friday, 21 September 2018

Conflict for the sake of love

Relationships are not always all love sprinkles and joy rainbows. Conflict is not only inevitable, it is essential to the prosperity of your bond. Sounds unusual right? I mean how exactly could fighting with your loved one help you love him or her more? Here are nine answers that will blow your mind.

Nine benefits of healthy fighting

1. It teaches you each other’s limits

We all have that one thing that ticks us off. It could be anything from squeezing the toothpaste tube the wrong way to failing to respond to calls promptly. Whatever it is, fighting gives us the unique opportunity to identify these limits. That way, you know what ticks your partner off, and you can, therefore, avoid it at all costs.

2. You get a chance to learn what your partner expects

You learn a lot about your partner when you argue with them. One of the most important lessons is what their expectations are. What do they want from you? What are they expecting from the relationship? Understanding this allows you to deliver therefore strengthening your connection and making your relationship healthier.

3. It allows you to speak your mind

The intensely emotional environment created by arguments allows you as a couple to be completely honest. I mean, you are already hurting so a little truth will probably not cause any more damage than there already is. This honesty is super important when it comes to ensuring that a relationship not only survives but also thrives.

4. It is a free class on the art of compromise

Every argument requires a solution and more often than not this involves sacrifice and compromise. If she doesn’t like you leaving the toilet seat up you will have to compromise and put in extra effort to remember for her sake. If you don’t like the fact that she takes forever to respond to texts she will have to get out of her comfort zone just for you. It is hard, but it makes you a better person.

5. Fighting humbles you

It might come as a surprise, but you are not always right. And there is truly no better way to learn this than by arguing with your significant other. As they speak their truth and explain their point of view, you will slowly get to see the error of your ways. Another way conflicts in relationship humble you is by teaching you the importance of a sincere apology. Whether or not you are on the wrong, it is important to acknowledge your partner’s hurt feelings and apologize.

6. You get to sweat the small stuff before it blows up

If you are constantly fighting about petty issues, then you need to pat yourselves on the back. You are doing it right. People assume that sweating the small stuff is immature and unnecessary. That couldn’t possibly be further from the truth. These seemingly inconsequential problems build up and blow up into bigger issues that are so much harder to deal with as a couple.

7. It improves your communication skills

When fighting right, you have to give your partner the opportunity to speak their truth. Above all else, fighting teaches you the art of listening. That is very important when it comes to maintaining a strong bond and building a healthy relationship. It also teaches you to respect their feelings and opinions. That way, even when you are not in conflict, you will be able to perform your duties as a good listener without any glitches.

8. You learn to set boundaries

Boundaries are very important in relationships. It doesn’t matter whether you live under the same roof or continents apart. When fighting, one way to come to a resolution is by setting boundaries. These prevent future arguments and allow you to both develop separately without compromising the relationship.

Conclusion

With all these benefits in mind, there is no denying the fact that there is a lot to gain from fighting every once in a while. However, this doesn’t mean that you should go picking arguments with your significant other to reap the benefits. What you should do instead is learn how to fight right. That way when the rough road comes, and you can bet that bottom dollar that it’s coming, you will both be in a position to have and benefit from healthy conflict.

Wednesday, 5 September 2018

Being single can be hard, but it is not exactly the worst thing that could happen to a person. For single ladies trying online dating, the struggle comes mainly from dealing with comments and unsolicited advice from people around them. It could be from that aunt who thinks you are taking too long to settle. It might be a friend who is super skeptical about online dating. Wherever it is coming from, here are seven cliché lines single girls don’t want to hear any more about online dating.

1. “It doesn’t work.”

Girls hear this all the time about online dating. There is a notion that the platforms are not serious and are just for casual hookups. That couldn’t be further from the truth. There are plenty of online dating sites such as AmoLatina.com with real users who are looking for true love, and as a result of it, the process does work.

You have a right to be skeptical about the process. However, it isn’t OK to discourage your single friends from going after what they want. You never know; it just might work out for them.

2. “Most guys there are afraid/not ready to commit.”

Guys on online dating websites get a really bad rep for being commitment-phobic. And skeptics do not waste any time reminding single ladies of this unfortunate point of view. There are some guys on these platforms who are not ready to settle down. They want to have fun and meet new people. However, if you think even for a second that these guys make up the majority, then you are wrong.

3. “How is someone like you still single?”

Being single is not a disease that affects a certain type of woman. You can be a total bombshell and still have trouble meeting the right guy. This line is especially annoying to ladies trying online dating as they hear it everywhere. They hear it from their friends. They hear it from a random colleague. The worst part is that they always get the same line from people they are interested in online. So get off this bandwagon before your single gal pal crushes and burns it.

4. “Your standards are too high.”

That is without a doubt the single most annoying line that single women hear. It doesn’t matter whether they are trying online dating or not. The heart and the mind, want what they want and there is not that much that you can do to change that.

If your friend settles for nothing less than a castle-dwelling prince, then let her be. It is her life and therefore it is her choice. Think of it this way, what is the point of pushing her to settle and be unhappy when she was perfectly content being alone?

5. “You aren’t trying hard enough in real life.”

This line is another one that gets on their nerves. Trust me, for your friend to humble herself and sign up for online dating there is a good chance she exhausted all her offline options. Finding love online is never about who works the hardest. It is about putting yourself out there. So instead of using this line commend her on her resilience and willingness to keep trying.

6. “You’re picking all the wrong ones.”

It’s not her fault. With online dating, there is always the possibility that you might end up falling for someone’s fake side. Other times, it might be a great guy, but the connection isn’t there. So no, your friend is not consciously picking the wrong guys. Sometimes these matches do not work out.

7. “You’re running out of time.”

*Sigh*

We live in the 21st century, so this is a combination of words that should not be leaving your mouth. Yes, the biological clock is still ticking. But this doesn’t mean that your friend needs to rush her process. Let her take her time. For some people finding love online takes a matter of weeks. For others, it could take months or even years. There is no right or wrong timeline. So don’t pressure her.

Just be supportive

The most important thing for you to do as a friend or even a relative is to be supportive. Online dating is already hard for her without having to deal with all these comments. So be a good friend, listen to her rants, help her pick an outfit and cross your fingers that she gets her happily ever after.