March 2017

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The Rogue Recap: July 21-27

The Rogue Recap takes a look back at the good, the bad, and the bizarre of the past week in the realms of entertainment, politics, culture, and society. In this week’s edition:

U.S. government continues to provide quality content to struggling sketch comedy show

White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer announced his resignation from his post after declining an offer to report to newly appointed communications director Anthony Scaramucci. Spicer expressed concern that Scaramucci’s appointment might only create more confusion within the White House. The outgoing press secretary served for six months under the Trump administration. During this time, Spicer made a number of controversial and false statements, leading to ridicule from media outlets and, most notably, from actress Melissa McCarthy, who portrayed Spicer on Saturday Night Live. Spicer will be replaced by current Deputy Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders, whose being a woman will potentially make it 500 times easier for McCarthy to destroy her on live television.

BREAKING: government official admits they’re wrong

Quezon City Vice Mayor Joy Belmonte expressed regret and admitted her shortcomings when her decision not to suspend classes and work on July 27 was met with the ire of Filipinos online. With typhoon Gorio having arrived at the Philippines, several dozen local government units suspended classes and work, leaving Quezon City an unusual exception. The Philippine Atmospheric Geophysical and Astronomical Services Administration defended Belmonte, stating that initial announcement was based on facts that were available at the time. Still, Belmonte was apologetic, stating, “They deserve much better than me. They deserve a better leader,” proving that the only thing stronger than a tropical storm is the storm of insecurity brewing within all of us. You can do it, Joy.

Rogue staff builds underground smoking bunker

Executive Order No. 26 is now in effect, prohibiting smoking in transport utilities, schools, restaurants, waiting sheds, streets, and walkways. Violators of the smoking ban will be charged with fines if caught smoking, while owners of establishments will be fined or imprisoned if caught allowing smoking on their premises outside of designated smoking areas. The EO is in line with the government’s interests in public health, which do not cover the voluntary extrajudicial slaughter of thousands of mentally ill drug dependents.

LGBT icon Mr. Babadook set to attack U.S. president

Trump tweeted on July 26 that transgender people would not be allowed to serve in the United States military. His snap announcement—an attempt to resolve a dispute regarding funding for gender transition and hormone therapy for transgender troops—came as a surprise to the rest of the White House, who were not consulted before the announcement was made. The U.S. army stands to lose thousands of soldiers as a result of the ban—who will, in turn, be accused by old, white people that they are doing nothing to help their country from the economic turmoil started by old, white people.

Local man yells for two hours

Duterte delivered his second State of the Nation Address on July 24. During the address, the president vouched for the passage of the National Land Use Act, and the creation of a new department for improved disaster response. Duterte also spoke of his administrations accomplishments throughout the past year. Unfortunately, thousands of Filipinos were unable to listen to the president’s address, on account of their being victims of extrajudicial killings endorsed by Duterte and the culture of vigilante justice adopted by any Filipino with low self-esteem and a lack of basic understanding of the concepts of empathy and goodness.