My name is Adotekom Okodi-Iyah, & my Lips are the pen of a skillful writer…

January 28, 2013February 2, 2013

WHAT MEN WANT

AN EPILOGUE

As I stood and watched my best friend, Ken…holding his two day old daughter in his arms…a ‘cocktail’ of emotions flowed through me…I had always been happy with my life…I was 30…but I felt ‘young, wild and free’. I mean…I owned a decent house, three exotic cars all to myself, and a private business consulting firm…Plus I was one of those customers banks always gave huge hampers to at the end of every year…(if you get my drift).

I had it all, and I sure wasn’t ready to be tied down to one woman. I loved my freedom and space…Didn’t want anyone putting me in a jail of commitment, or taking up my energy and time in the name of love. Yeah right…like it still existed sef. I watched Ken again, rocking his baby girl gently…and making funny cooing noises to her before whispering “daddy loves you angel.”

I really can’t explain what I was feeling, watching him and his new love…it was too emotional for me, even with all my macho-hunk-of-a-man repertoire…

At that moment I realised, in a split second….that I was lonely and unhappy…

I didn’t want to play games anymore. I was tired of all the flirting…I imagined what it would feel like to hold my own baby in my arms…it would be most wonderful…

I wanted to find true love…if it still existed. And if it didn’t, I was ready to invent it.

CHAPTER ONE

MEN….

What crosses the mind of the average female when she hears…or thinks about the word…MEN? From years of personal experience the answers I have to that question might make the average man suddenly spill his drink, choke on his food or start gasping for air.

“Men are all the same”…Men are dogs…Men are animals…Men are wicked…You guys are heartbreakers…You guys are evil…Nothing can ever make me trust a man…Men are cheats, it’s in their nature”…oh I forgot my favourite one, “Men are liars”…

I could go on typing forever just trying to say all the things I’ve heard women call men…Yet with all these names we are often called, every woman (whether she admits it or not) wants to end up happy…with her pillow? Of course not! With a MAN!

Ladies let me let you in on a secret…Every guy…no matter how much of a player or ‘woman wrapper’ he is…just wants to be happy…with his pillow? Of course not! With YOU! I wrote an article in 2011, titled… WHAT WOMEN WANT, that got all the women so happy and gladly shoving my words down the throats of the guys…

Before this article, I posted a question “GUYS WHAT DO YOU EXPECT FROM YOUR WOMAN…SEND ME YOUR ANSWERS NOW”. To my amazement (faking surprise)…I began getting even more responses from the ladies…here are a few:

All men want is sex!

All men want is sex!

The only thing you men want is sex!

All guys want is sex and food!

All guys want is a lady that’s good in bed and can cook

All men want is a woman to please them in bed…

……………………………………………………sex!

If you give him sex he’ll be happy

*Shedding tears and clutching my heart* It was one of the saddest things I’ve ever read…someone get me a hanky…*more tears*

Come on ladies…how can you say all a man wants from a woman is sex! Sex! And more sex! Ohhh…and food too…This is hilarious! This might sound shocking! But the average man…whose brain is right side up and whose maturity isn’t in the gutter, wants one thing…To enjoy and be in a happy relationship.

Yeah ladies… you might laugh, roll your eyes or grunt at this statement. But it’s a fact! We desire true love and happiness as much, if not even more than you do…We just want you to understand us….We’re far easier to comprehend than most women think.

Unlike what most women might feel…we (yes it’s a man writing this article) are not sex machines and storehouses for food. DON’T BE DECEIVED, WE ARE NOT James Bond that’s ready to spend his entire life flirting, having sex with countless women and then moving on to the next till he’s ninety…probably to retire in the playboy mansion. That’s why I started with that epilogue…

Many men have this gaping hole…that can only be filled by finding true love…with the right woman (I didn’t say perfect…mind you!) I’ll admit, most men are trying to fill that hole with alcohol, making huge amounts of cash, having a successful career, being a big boy, living lavish lifestyles…or la vida loca and having more sex than a pornstar.

Trust me, in the end…the hole becomes even deeper…with the quest to be in a happy relationship…still an illusion. Women can make this much easier for men…how? By knowing exactly what we want…and WHY we want it! Like someone said…”Assumption is as good as two people winking at each other in the dark”. Ladies, never assume you know everything about a man…or YOUR man especially…Because I’m about to reveal the answers I got from many men…real time!

So…what do men want?

Let me start by saying…ALL the guys that answered said one thing in common…which was: “THE LIST OF WHAT I WANT IS ENDLESS” Come on guys…don’t be greedy…lol. So I’ll just point out a few…This is a write up, not a book.

Ladies, for a start…about 90% of the men said they want women to EXPRESS THEMSELVES…I found this amusing! Why? Because I thought ladies are ALWAYS talking *dodging high heels and pure water*

So really, with all that women say…why do men still feel they don’t express themselves clearly enough? Well ladies, we’d really appreciate it if you’d let us know what you are really thinking! When it comes to reading between the lines, the average man is lazy and clueless (I included). I mean, why would you say “I’m fine” or “everything’s ok” when you’re angry or upset at something or someone (usually us). I’ve come to realise that women prefer their men to ‘see through’ their thoughts, because it’s their way of measuring how caring and sensitive a man is.

That’s alright…and I agree a man should be sensitive to his woman’s mood…swings? *clearing throat*. But sometimes, it doesn’t work like that! A man has a billion and one thoughts running through his mind per second…So it would be far easier for you to let us know exactly what’s bothering you. Be free, be open, be expressive, be direct! In short we give you full permission to be straight up and blunt! Say it the way it is…You suspect us of something? Say it! You’re not happy with something we’ve said or done, say it! We say or do something unbelievably dumb and annoying…don’t pat us on the back and smile, tell us the truth! Sarcasm and unmasked emotions are like leaks in a roof.

Trust me, no matter how you feel your man will react to something you say, it’s better to say it than to keep it from him…Men would prefer to hear the truth and be hurt (for real!), than to have you hide your feelings. Men however, try and also be sensitive to her moods (even if they swing faster than a pendulum) *dodging the swing of a baseball bat* lol…I just noticed I’m using the word ‘swings’ a lot. Is this a sign? *laughing*

Now secondly, every single guy replied with “I want my woman to be supportive”…Ladies, the bitter truth be told, and it’s almost giving me a sore throat to say it…But there’s only as far a man can go in life without a good, supportive woman! I bet Barrack Obama would still be in Congress and not swivelling in a leather chair in the White House if not for Michelle (Gosh! I just love that woman). Even Bill Clinton’s life was about to do a ‘titanic’. If not that his wife Hillary decided to support him even when it was glaring he did much more than ‘shake hands’ with Monica Lewinsky.

Ladies, a man has dreams, big dreams too! We’ve got plans…things we hope to achieve, both long term and short term. Mind you I’m talking about focused, responsible and hardworking men here…So if your man doesn’t fall into this category, you really have nothing to support. You can call it quits on the relationship, you have my full backing.

However, if you’ve got a man whose life is heading somewhere, you have to encourage and motivate him. Tell him stuff like “I’m proud of you” or “you can do it”. There was a time I tried a business and failed. All my investment went down the drain…I mean every penny. I was distraught and devastated. I was depressed for the first time in my life. I was falling apart because I couldn’t believe I had lost practically all my money. It was my entire savings…gone! At this point, it was my woman that really helped me…I mean, she was always there motivating me with her words…assuring me that everything would be alright. That went such a long way…There really is nothing like a supportive woman, because without one, a man’s success would soon hit a brick wall!

Ladies…NO MAN WANTS TO BE COMPARED TO ANOTHER MAN (hope you took note of the caps lock!)…If he earns only fifty thousand naira a month, love and appreciate him that way. Someday he’ll be making millions. If he doesn’t have a car or house, love him all the same! Don’t ever compare him to another man you feel is ‘better off’. Don’t compare what your friend’s boyfriends and husbands are giving them, to yours. No man likes to feel like he isn’t up to your standard. If you don’t appreciate the level he is, don’t date him in the first place. Look for the man you feel meets your requirements financially and emotionally. But once you’re in, keep your two feet in. Don’t double date! Just because he isn’t meeting your needs. True love and money don’t go together…you either love a man for who he is, or lust after him for what he has…Be a KEEPER, not a FAKER. Remember, every billionaire started with only a few pennies. If you want a relationship, be in one and accept him for his present level.

Let me do a merger here…because I think these two go hand in hand…Every guy that answered my survey wanted these two things: Respect and submission. This isn’t the sixties. We don’t expect ladies to kneel before us or bow down whenever we’re around. But you know, it’s in a man’s nature to feel like he has a woman who will listen to him when he talks…who has regard for him, whether he’s there or not. You don’t have to say “yes boss” and salute whenever we say something, but at least showing signs that your man’s opinion goes a long way really helps. It’s the little things that count! Men are so different. Some things the last guy you dated tolerated, ignored, or was ok with, might not go down well with him. Love means sacrifice, and sacrifice means making minor adjustments (well sometimes they could be major). Even if his opinion might seem pointless or meaningless to you, don’t argue. Ladies, trust me on this one. At least ‘pretend’ to listen and agree…and then later (not when he’s watching soccer and his team is losing oh…ha!)…later you can try and sit down and discuss it with him. Try and let him understand where you’re coming from. He’s not a dictator, he’s your man, and loves you.

Ok…this piece is getting really long, so let me start rounding up *scretching* Hope you’re enjoying the read as much as I’m enjoying typing it…Hang in there! I haven’t mentioned something… TRUST! Ladies…it’s simple, if you love us (men), please…trust us *batting my eye lashes* #nohomo! Don’t go snooping through our text messages, emails, facebook, twitter, blackberries, shirt and trouser pockets, cars…in short don’t turn into a private detective just to catch us cheating. Every man deserves the benefit of the doubt. Yes I know…all men are cheats right? (according to the ladies). And that’s so wrong. If you suspect him, sit down and talk to him about it. I don’t support cheating in a relationship. And mind you cheating isn’t just having sex with someone else…it’s a whole lot of other things we overlook. But no one is perfect. I have a friend who told me his brother caught his wife cheating (red handed!!). But they are still living together, as husband and wife. Shocking right? I WAS DUMBFOUNDED TOO…I asked my friend why his brother was still living with her, talk more of married. His answer got me thinking, and I mean thinking deep. His brother’s words to him: “Yes she hurt me, deeply…but this woman has always been there for me, even when I had nothing…she is my wife and I’ve promised to love her till I die. She made a mistake, but I don’t love her because she’s perfect, but because she’s perfect for me…and besides, what’s love without forgiveness?” Hmmmm…I’m still trying to process this. It isn’t a Nollywood movie, it really happened! And I think we should all learn something from it.

It’s simple! Don’t do anything you wouldn’t like to see the person you’re dating doing. Whether in secret or in the open. No matter how ‘harmless’. #caseclosed!

Sadly…and I mean, it’s so sad…that only about twenty percent of the guys mentioned “I want a God-fearing woman”. So, it’s either they forgot completely or it’s not just that important to them. Those of you who didn’t what do you want…a stripper? Lol…But for those men who mentioned it, two thumbs up to you. You sure have your priorities right! This should even be the FIRST thing any serious man looks for in a woman. Not a beautiful face and sexy curves and what have you…Mind you, a good personality is not a replacement for a woman who loves God. If you end up with a woman who is not God fearing…let me put it in the ‘mildest’ way possible —–> It’s the beginning of the end for you. Ladies trust me; Every man that knows where his life is headed loves and respects a woman who makes an effort to be close to God. You don’t have to be a fanatic, just have your spirituality as a priority. That way you won’t attract just any riffraff to you…

Finally…men shaaaa…every single one of them said they expect GREAT food…and even GREATER sex! Lmao! You guys are just awesome…*still laughing* Ladies chill…we don’t expect you to toss your hard earned degrees and titles in the dustbin just because of us. Or become pornstars overnight just to make us happy (though we wouldn’t mind, lol). But those are two things men were DESIGNED to love: Good…sorry I mean, GREAT food! And mind blowing sex…How a couple choose to handle what goes on behind their closed doors (and walls that are not sound proof) *clearing throat*…is really up to them. The important thing is for there to be smiles at the end of the day.

Men don’t expect you to pound yam everyday. And if you have a man who does…or wants fufu or amala three times a day with his local soup…babe, I wish you best of luck…you’ll be needing it. However, we would like our nutritional value not to be jeopardized or compromised (all this big English sef). What I’m saying is, we like our food, and we like it hot and delicious…That way we have energy to go out and make money to spend on you…and also perform at night, or even during the day *winks*. So you see? It’s a win-win.

Let me conclude by saying this: TRUE LOVE STILL EXISTS…AND IF YOU THINK IT DOESN’T, INVENT YOURS. You deserve to be happy. The joy that comes from being in a happy relationship or marriage can never be replaced by any other achievement, wealth or material things…And that’s a fact! Forget all the rubbish people say these days. God has designed you to have a burning desire to love and be loved, and there’s nothing you can do about it. Don’t console yourself by saying you don’t need a man, or woman…whatever the case may be. You may not need a relationship now, but trust me, being in one that makes you happy…is one of the nicest things on earth.

True love doesn’t need to be chased, it comes naturally…but when it comes, you need to work hard at it to keep the flame burning…

Forget all you’ve been through in the past…Every heartbreak taught you something…DON’T CONFUSE YOUR ONCE UPON A TIME WITH YOUR HAPPILY EVER AFTER…

Thanks for reading this long write up…I appreciate it…

Oops! I forgot! I promised to put this up for one person: He says “Ladies please stop tapping the dashboard of the car when we’re driving…it drives us nuts!”

Thanks for this write-up, God bless you abundantly. If more men like you existed, the world would be a better place.
Thanks for looking out for the ladies and wanting us to be better persons for our boyfriends/husbands.
God helping me, I will work on these points though I know most of it before (thanks to my amazing boyfriend)

My friend,my friend.hope you’ll write the WHAT WOMEN WANT sequel of this piece.because this piece is bias.if the woman has to do all this,what will da men do?Go out&make da money abi?like we don’t too.mtchewwww

Anyway, its a good read, I’ll give it to you. I hope everyone noticed that for the great food and even greater sex, he MUST be your HUSBAND! Let’s get our priorities straight and live right. If u r the girl that gives it up b4 it is a right to, then please, don’t expect your man, or boyfriend in this case to respect u before it is a right to do so, get it?

It is well. I pray these words get through to everyone the right way, no twists! God bless u all, God bless u Adot! 🙂

Funny but apt……to the best of my knowledge. In a nutshell, compromise! We can like to meet each other half way, thanks sah!
Anyways, this is my first comment on any blog for the year so for whatever that’s worth……

Pretty nice write up, enjoyed it right to the last point, which by the way is amusing @tapping the dashboard *lol* I guess we ladies have alot to learn about the guys and they say “to learn/understand a woman is a manual yet to be discovered” who woulda thought… hmmmm, I’m so going for the ‘what women want’ like right now. Superb!

Pretty nice write up, enjoyed it right to the last point, which by the way is amusing @tapping the dashboard *lol* I guess we ladies have alot to learn about the guys and they say “to learn/understand a woman is a manual yet to be discovered” who woulda thought… hmmmm, I’m so going for the ‘what women want’ like right now. Superb!