Columns

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Baxley's Stayin' Alive

Monday, March 5th, was fried catfish day in the City of Dothan cafeteria. City Clerk Pam McCoy loaded her lunch tray and scanned the room for a place to sit and eat. She didn’t get far.

“Pammy,” City Manager Mike West called her out, “Come sit with us.”

Pam let out a sigh, then sat down with Mike West and City Attorney Freddie Len White.

“Afternoon,” she said.

“Mmm,” Len mumbled as he chewed at his piece of fried catfish.

“You gonna eat that hush puppy?” Mike West asked as he poked his finger in her plate.

“Um, no. You can have it.”

“Look here Pammy, commission meeting is tomorrow. Can you print out copies of something, anything, to look like official paperwork? Utilities collections for the past three months would be good, I can BS about that for a while to change the subject if need be,” Mike West asked.

“Sure, I can do tha…” Pam’s voice faded as Hamp Baxley entered the cafeteria at exactly the same time as Stayin’ Alive by the Bee Gee’s started playing on the loud speakers. She could tell by the way he used his walk, his suit slacks gently hugging his firm buttocks, he was a woman’s man, no time to talk.

As he walked by their table, West stuck his foot out and tripped Baxley. His lunch tray floated up in the air as he tumbled to the floor, then the tray landed on his head. Pam was shocked. Freddie Len White, who was at the time nibbling on a fried catfish tail, thought that was the funniest thing he had ever seen.

“Boy that’s the funniest thing I ever seen,” Len said as he slapped his knee several times; his teeth black with specks of catfish tail.

Mike West was spitting chunks of hush puppy as he laughed. “I heard that Len.”

Pam reached down to help Baxley to his feet. She wiped coleslaw from his head.

“My hair!” Baxley screamed. “I spend a lot of time working on my hair. Now yous got coleslaw in it. Don’t mess with the hair.”

“Awe hell, don’t get your panties in a wad,” West said with a mouthful of hush puppies, “It’s all good.”

“Yeah, you tell him Mikey,” Len said.

“I oughta kick your,” Baxley said approaching West.

“Stop it,” Pam pleaded, placing a hand up to block them. Baxley moved forward, which put Pam’s hand on his rock hard abs. She had no doubt he could handle himself but knew the decorum of the lunchroom was no place for such shenanigans. “Don’t stoop to their level.”

“I’ll see yous guys at the commission meeting tomorrow,” Baxley said as he stormed off.