Lock up your crossbars, the Home Internationals are back on the horizon.

This morning at Wembley, venue for those pitch-invading Scots in 1977, the Football Association will reveal that it has been discussing the possibility of relaunching the four-way British rollerball. Welcome back to the dark ages.

The idea is being driven partly by the England team’s new sponsor, Vauxhall, which is also hooking up with Northern Ireland, Wales and Scotland in deals being announced later this week. The motor manufacturer wants to reignite the end-of-season showdowns and, alarmingly, has found sympathetic supporters within the FA and the other associations.

The plan is so misguided it is tempting to check whether some mischievous time lord has landed at the FA and that today’s date is actually April 1. English football needs the return of the Home Internationals as much as it needs the return of hooliganism. The game’s governors must have been at the sherry.

The demolition derby characteristics of the Home International collisions, which lasted until 1984 when everybody retired hurt, the ball pleading for mercy, the concept of the Beautiful Game left battered and bruised, may appeal to fans and viewers but it is simply no preparation for encountering Brazil or Argentina.

Home International combat is no dress rehearsal for the dramas of facing the more sophisticated, ball-playing Latin opposition who bar the way to the World Cup, let alone the cultured Spanish or dynamic Germans who stand in the way of England getting anywhere at Euro 2012.

As forays on the international dance floor go, England are too busy pogoing when they need to master the tango. What the humiliating events of 2010 highlighted was that England must embrace overseas thinking more, not retreat into playground tear-ups with the neighbours.

Even if England’s Glen Johnson might develop as a right-back playing more regularly against Gareth Bale, there is little else of technical value to a 90-minute contrived scrap with Wales. Besides, England encounter Wales on the road to Euro 2012 and Johnson probably sees more than enough of Bale’s heels in the Premier League.

Following the brutal reminder of English limitations in South Africa, the saner minds at the FA have tried to steer the national team towards non-competitive fixtures against skilful opponents such as Ghana, who visit Wembley on March 29. Fabio Capello, attending today’s sponsorship launch, has always stressed the need for England to expand their education.

Sadly, if the Home Internationals crept back like unwanted guests into the Home of Football, such enlightening friendlies would be threatened. Even if the Home Internationals were staged in non-tournament summers, the squeeze on an already congested calendar would be immense.

The prospect of another competition will cause apoplexy among Premier League clubs. The sight of the English retreating into isolation, preferring games with fellow Brits, would confirm the belief held at Fifa and Uefa that the English are obsessed with the past.

Since the Home Internationals ended their 100-year run, the FA had traditionally been against any revival so this would be an interesting turnaround. Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland have already signed up to a Four Associations’ Tournament also including the Republic of Ireland. There is a suspicion in all this that the Home Internationals could simply be used as a play-off to decide which of the four home nations makes up the GB Olympic team for London 2012.

The police would also sigh wearily at any return of the Home Internationals, which endured a troubled history. Since 1984, Scotland have been back to Wembley, notably at Euro 96 and in a play-off for Euro 2000. These were peaceable occasions.

Yet security concerns have already been raised about England’s visit to Cardiff in March for the qualifier with Wales. The home nations meet competitively anyway. The FA must put this indecent proposal through the office shredder quickly.