Ask Mama E

This blog will serve as a place for 18-35 yr olds to access advice and problem- solving suggestions from a person of wisdom and experience. As a wife, a mother, and grandmother, I know the obstacles that you face. Even though love is wonderful, there can be challenges along the way. (Nothing worth having comes without work.) Need someone to talk to? This is the place. Let's talk about it!

Sunday, August 16, 2009

How Significant is your other?...

...Is an interesting perspective on relationships which on the surface appear committed or "significant". Check it out on my website: http://mamaeanswers.com/ and let me know what you think.

Also, if you haven't signed up for Mama E's monthly newsletter, there's a link for you to do so.

We're planning really big things in the near future, so go to the website and sign up now. You don't want to be left out.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

...That the people who wouldn't spend $2.00 to take their spouse (or significant other) out for a burger, will spend hundreds of dollars on a new love interest? I always find it interesting, considering how expensive dating can be. It costs money, time and energy to spend time with an individual that you find attractive. (Not to mention, trying to convince them that you're worth their time. LOL)

Isn't it funny...?

...That it takes two people to agree to get married, and yet, a divorce can be granted based on the decision of only one?

Isn't it funny...?

...That people will go to all lengths to find a church and a preacher in order to have a wedding, but will not continue to use the church and the preacher to keep the marriage together.

Isn't it funny...?

...That we're spending a fortune on things which will amuse or entertain our children, and no one seems to worry about the affect our behavior is having on the kids.We are failing to surround them with stability, confidence, security, or a sense of commitment; remember those basic values which seem to have disappeared?

Isn't it funny...?

...That as smart as we are, as technologically savvy, and as intellectually astute, how we can be so void of simple common sense.

They say that common sense isn't so common after all; And I guess, in the long run, all of this is not so funny at all!

Sunday, May 31, 2009

There’re so many things that I don’t understandWhy are there so many issues between woman and man?I’d give anything to know where this confusion came fromI just wanna know, how come, how come?

How come we call it “no fault”, as if no one’s to blame?Whoever thought of that, must have been insaneHow come it takes two to marry, but only one to end it?How come we all want a home, but nobody wants to tend it?

How come we’re never content - jumping from bed to bed?How come we’re not true to the one that we wed?How come we seem to have given up on romance?How come we’re not willing to give our marriages a chance?

How come to get divorced, no price is too much-Attorney’s fees, child support, alimony and such.How come the new love can get anything that you’ve got?Time, money, and effort; it’ll cost you a lot.

How come we get advice from folks all over town?But when your home is destroyed, they’re nowhere to be found.Why didn’t you see that you had God’s best?Instead of following the crowd, and getting into this mess?

So, is commitment now a thing of the past?How come we can’t have marriages that last?How come we don’t just go to the source?God ordained marriage, and he hates divorce.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

It seems that everyone is expressing an opinion on the recent news story regarding Chris Brown and Rihanna. One of the things that I find fascinating is how many people feel justified in expressing their opinions. Opinions are like names, everyone has one. So let me throw my hat in the ring, and give you my take on the issue.

First I'd like to be clear that in this country, we're still innocent until proven guilty. One's guilt is not determined by how many people think that you are guilty. Therefore, until there is a trial, it's all mere conjecture, and we should let the justice system work.

Having said this I want to say emphatically that I don't feel that there is any excuse for abuse! Whether it is initiated by a male or female, it's wrong. People were created in God's image, which makes all of us valuable and special, and I don't think that He is pleased with us inflicting pain on his prized possessions.

Aside from the biblical perspective, what gives one human being a right to demean (in any way)another human? Oh, I've heard the excuses: "She made me mad"; "He was in my space"; "She disrespected me"; "I was drunk". But there is NO justification for exhibiting violent behavior against another person. NONE!!! If a person causes you to become that angry, why are you with them?

We have a warped sense of the definition of love. Assuming that we are in our right minds, we don't hurt things that we love. When this happens, one must evaluate themselves! Women who advocate daring a man to hit them, or men who believe that it is acceptable to punch a woman, must come to grips with what is REALLY wrong. The issue is not the other person, but rather, something on the inside of the abuser.

Until we are OK with ourselves, it is impossible to have loving, caring relationships. We can fake it temporarily; We can put on a good "front" for the public. But the truth is that we can't give love away, until we love ourselves. Loving oneself does not come from any arrogant sense of self-pride, but rather from knowing that you are fearfully and wonderful made. When you know this, you will never allow an individual to treat you otherwise.

Sometimes we use clothes, jewelry, cars, houses, and other superficial, external items to try to cover up our low opinions of ourselves. True happiness, however, comes from inner peace, and no external source,certainly no individual, can give you this.

Let me close by saying this. What happened between Chris Brown and Rihanna is known only by them (and God). And in a real sense, It's irrelavant! What really matters is how do you feel about YOU?

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Just thought I'd bring you up to date with Mama E since our last post. Let's begin with the overwhelming, unexplainable, indescribable sense of sheer joy that I experienced during my trip to Washington. I will never forget it. To be among the millions of people who converged on the city for the momentus occasion of President Obama's inauguration was a once- in- a- lifetime occurence. I am grateful that God allowed me to live long enough to see it manifested, and as a bonus,to let me follow in the footsteps of my father to witness history.

Two of my three sisters and I (along with spouses) camped out at the other sister's place. (Weren't we fortunate to have a sister who lives in DC?) It was like a teenager's "sleepover"; there we were, all four daughters, reminiscing, eating, laughing,(and did I say eating?). It gave us an opportunity to reflect on how fortunate we are to have family.

Isn't it funny how we take things like family and friends for granted?

Anyway, I came back home even more motivated to do all that I can do to make a difference in the world. President Obama inspired me get busy again! It's so easy to be persuaded that your work is of little or no value. (I wonder who plants that thought in our minds?) In any event, all of us have a purpose and a God given destiny, and it's up to us to carry it out. What are you doing that will leave a mark on the planet?

What do you spend your time on? Recognize that you can't get a refund on wasted time; you can't recoup lost time. All of us get an equal amount of time- 24 hours in a day, and when it's gone-you can't get it back. When we say that we didn't have time to do _xxxxxxx_, what does that really mean? Aren't we really saying that we chose to do something else with our time?

What lasting value will your thoughts and actions have on others? Who will benefit from what you accomplished on earth? Will the world be better because of you?

Ok. So enough of the philosophical food for thought.

Mama E is hosting a one day conference on March 21st, and I'm inviting all of you to attend. We're going to work on our relationships. (You would agree that relationships require work, right?) It's for singles and couples, and you have to be there. Save the date, Sat. March 21st at 2591 W. Beaver St., Jacksonville, Fl. Contact me for more information.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Well, guys, we made it!! 2008 was a year of challenges, but we survived. Many of us faced physical tests, some experienced financial trials, for others, it was emotional distress...but the good news is that we're still here, and there is always something to be grateful for. Lots of wonderful things happened last year, sometimes we just have to look around and recognize them.

One thing that comes to mind is the awesome way that Americans came together to change politics in this country. It will never be the same! I wanted to acknowledge all of you - the X, Y, and Z'ers who made it happen. Some of you never had any interest in politics, but in 2008, you involved yourselves in the process. You were responsible for the outcome, and I couldn't be prouder.Some of you volunteered in phone banks, some knocked on doors, many donated to the campaign, or attended the rallies. Wow!

Those of us in my generation could only go "just so far", and though we have run well, we needed you to finish the race. Thank you from all the baby boomers and those who have preceeded us.

The following is a commentary which I wrote recently; I thought you might enjoy it.

I am one of probably millions of African-Americans who will be going to the nation's capital during the week of the presidential inauguration. We have no hope of actually witnessing the ceremony in person, and to a large degree, being present is not even necessary. We are perfectly content to just be there, to inhale the enthusiasm, to feel the excitement. We want to be a part of the atmosphere which is being created by the historical events that will culminate on January 20th, 2009.

My story, though similar to many, is perhaps different from most. I am one of five children (four daughters and one son) born to a neighborhood barber, Abner, and his stay-at-home wife, Zenovious.("Housewife" is what they called my mom in those days, even though she was hardly married to the house!) We were reared to respect authority, hold our heads upright, and to look into a person's eyes when saluting them. Whether in casual conversation or addressing an audience, we were never allowed to murmur or mutter (as kids tend to do), but required to speak clearly and distinctly.

What makes the trip to Washington so significant for me is this: In August of 1963, my father rode the Freedom Train to Washington D.C. to participate in the March on Washington. My elder sister had graduated from high school and was about to enter college that fall. Mom made sure his "blue serge suit" was picked up from the dry cleaners, packed Dad a lunch (probably the traditional fried chicken sandwiches and pound cake), and we all went to the train station to see him off. The train originated in Miami, adding passengers in cities along the way, who were people just like my father; Thousands of African- American citizens (called Negroes back then) were determined to make this country better for their offspring. I'm sure that those people who marched from the Washington Monument to the Lincoln Memorial never imagined that someone who looked like them would one day occupy 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.

And so, on Sunday, January 18, 2009, I will board a train which will likewise originate in Florida, will pick up passengers along the way, and terminate in Washington D.C. I'm certain that each passenger will have their own distinct reasons for taking off work, incurring an added expense even in a bad economy, and making any other sacrifice needed to make the trip. I will join my three sisters- forty-five years after our father walked the streets of the nations' capital and together we will tip our hats to our parents who never got to witness what the March on Washington was all about. Dr. King spoke to that crowd that included our father about a dream, and we'll be a part of the crowd that will see the dream come true.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

We live in an area where hurricanes are normal- to the degree that we refer to the period between June and November as hurricane season. This year we've had a rather active season, in that we've seen Fay and Hanna and most recently, Ike create havoc and hardship. You're probably asking, "where is she going with this"? Well, my dears. I've learned that life is constantly teaching us lessons, if we would just observe, listen, and learn from it. Let's see what life has to say about the storms.

First, We’ve learned to expect storms. We know that every year there is the possibility that they could come.Secondly, Storms come in varying degrees of intensity.Next, There are usually signs. The weather bureau has the capability to track certain patterns and predict the outcome.And lastly, We are always advised to prepare for them.

So it is with relationships. In our marriages or other relationships, we should not be so naive as to think that every day will be sunny and rosey. We are not going to "feel" in love everyday. Feelings are fickle, and therefore, your relationship can not be based on feelings or emotions. Additionally, life won't allow you to get from start to finish without some obstacles, some disappointments, and some hurts. So, expect them! Just like the hurricanes, don't let them catch you off guard.

The next point it vital, so take note. Hurricanes are categorized by their intensity. A category 5 storm is of greater strength, velocity, speed, etc, than a category 1. In your relationships, please determine whether the issue at hand is worth evacuation. Many of us are leaving (giving up, walking away, quitting) over things that are just not worth it. We often make a big deal over matters which could have been ignored. As with hurricanes, many times things begin as,(appear to be)a big deal, but quickly are downsized to a tropical depression- not even in the category of a hurricane.

Do you get my point? Let's pick our battles, and stop jumping out of the boat (i.e, relationship)over inconsequential, non-essential, irrelavant matters.

Be watchful. Rarely, if ever, do serious problems develop in our relationships without some prior signs of trouble. We're just usually not paying attention. Maybe that's the key: pay attention to the person that you care about. If they are worth being in a meaningful relationship with, then they are worth careful observation.

Now, my last peice of Mama E advice: PREPARE FOR THE STORM. Invest in the relationship. Read. Listen. Learn. Good relationships don't just happen, they are developed. You must want it enough to put time, energy, and resources into making it great.

Gotta go for now.

But Don't forget- our live recording of the Legacy Tour is coming soon- Music, Drama, and the wisdom of Mama E! You don't want to miss it.