Hey bros, the weekend’s here, and if you’re awesome like me, that means three things: brews, babes and birdies. Haha, that’s right, it’s time to hit the golf course, bros! But you don’t want to head out there and look like some average dude with your head-to-toe Puma gear like King Bro Rickie Fowler, nor do you want to look dope as f*ck driving your yellow Callaway ball into a crowd of old people while you rock your stars and stripes Loud Mouth shorts. You’ll tell those people to hurry up all right, but now you’re going to do it with extra awesome, hilarious style.

I like to dig around on Amazon every now and then for some golf gear that’s going to make me really stand out and also make all those golf squares look at me and say, “Holy sh*t, that bro is legit!” And because we’re all bros here, I’m going to let you in on my treasures so you can pick them up, too, and remind your foursome (I call it a “golf orgy”) that you’re the f*cking alpha male.

First of all, check out that radical visor up there. It looks like that guy has crazy hair under that visor, but he doesn’t. That’s just a wig! And check this out, thanks to FlairHair, you can celebrate your favorite college team while wearing crazy hair for just $19.99.

You better scream, “ROLL MOTHER F*CKING TIDE!” after you crush that drive, brother.

What better way to tell your golf bros that you appreciate some fine trim than by teeing up with one of these hot ass tees? Literally, these are hot ass tees. For extra awesomeness, make sure to show them to the cart girl (as long as she’s the hot young sorority girl type and not some old broad) and wink at her. She’ll know what’s up, and according to a Maxim article I read in 2002, she might do you.

I need to pump the brakes on my Hummer golf cart, bros. I always forget that people might not be able to crush the ball like I can after I shotgun a brewski with my broskis, and some of you probably suck at golf. Here’s an awesome way to stop sucking – it’s a hook that will tug at your dick if your swing sucks. F*ck lessons from pros. You wanna be good? Then put your dick where your balls are.

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Even before this, I was pretty well convinced that golf is the douchiest sport around. I think it beats out NASCAR in some respects. I know whole families who only watch golf, no other sports. Come on now.