Sasha Answers: Friends with ex-family

Hi Sasha, So a family member on my husband's side didn't make it to his one year anniversary before stepping out on his wife. When we heard we were shocked as we dealt with another divorce recently in our immediate family.

The family member, P, has been in hiding, so to speak, as he doesn't want family to know what happened even though we all do. His (soon-to-be-ex) wife is a sweetheart. I just can't believe he would do this to her. I have reached out to her saying that if it was okay that I would love to keep in touch with her as we have a lot in common. She also wants to keep in touch which is great.

Now - here is my question. When is the right time for me to ask her if she wants to meet a friend of ours? My husband's best friend A is single and a great guy. Over the weekend, friend came over and the topic of P getting divorced (friend and P went to college together), friend said we should introduce him to her. I showed him her picture and he seems truly interested. I'm nervous to mention him to her since her marriage broke down 9 months ago. Thoughts?

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O, your gut has already told you what to do here, but if you need me to make it crystal clear, here we go: Don’t do it. At least not right now.

I know you only have the best of intentions, but I’d chill on the mic with this whole match-making business. It’s only been 9 months, their divorce isn’t even official, emotions are still raw, and dude, don’t forget, P is still a family member. He might be the one to blame for f-cking up his own marriage, but I still think you need to fake some sort of allegiance to him.

All I’m saying is give it a bit more time. At least let it hit the one year mark before you say or do anything, and even then, you’ll need to do this on the sly. A common rookie matchmaking mistake is busy-bodying all over the goddamn place, so O, if you really want these two to have a fair chance, then you have to butt-in and then immediately butt-out.

If I were you I’d wait for a good excuse (like a birthday) or something to host a party at your house. Invite a lot of people over and then right before the party give both A and your girlfriend a little nudge-nudge wink-wink and then scram!