When I first saw Neon Genesis Evangelion, Shinji Ikari was 14 years old… and so was I. But unlike other fictitious characters Shinji would think, act and react like a real teenager, in fact, in more ways than I could have anticipated, he was living an alternative version of my life. The surprising battles between biomechanical colossuses and gigantic angels captured my attention from the get go, and I don’t think I ever stopped to ask what else was going on. Or what had been going on in a world that had survived the apocalyptical second impact.Reading this manga volume is like pausing the exciting scenes that I remember from the anime; it’s like taking a deep breath and looking at familiar faces with a whole new perspective. For sure, that’s how I’ve felt reading stages 49 through 56: “…Kiss”, “Into the Heart…”, “Mother”, “Flashback”, “A Giant Made of Light”, “The Birth of NERV”, “Message” and “Of Jealousy”. There is also a matter of age here. I’m older now. I’m about to turn 29, I’m just a few days away from being as old as Kaji and Misato. My life no longer revolves around the discovery of sexuality but rather on the formalization of long-term relationships; teen angst has been replaced by simple adult weariness. Of course, now I’m more attuned to the dilemmas experienced by Kaji and Misato. Shinji has been absent for a month, submerged in the Link Connected Liquid (LCL), inside the cockpit of Unit-01. Like a fetus unaware of the existence of the world, the teenager has severed all physical ties to reality and is lost inside his own mind. The Eva here functions as a surrogate mother, its inner machineries are an artificial womb and the LCL replaces the amniotic fluid. For an entire month, Shinji dreams and gets in touch with his unconsciousness. There he finds the ever present figure of his mother: Yui Ikari, and although he’s very tempted to stay there forever, nurtured and sheltered by the motherly bosom, that would cause his death in the real world.

Rei Ayanami

There is one particular scene that I found fascinating. Shinji wakes up naked in the ocean, near the shore. On the beach, he sees his parents and a younger version of himself. His only desire is to walk towards them, in an obvious attempt to regress to a more innocent and tender age. Except that he can’t. His legs don’t obey them, and so he stands there, silent, exposing himself, exposing his naked body, proving with his nudity and the development of his sexual organs that his not the child he used to be, although he is not a grown up either. At least not yet. And then, Yui makes a very meaningful statement: “Is it that you can’t move? Or is it that where you really want to go isn’t where I am?”. Probably every human being has experienced the same existential doubt, where do we go? Do we follow the path carefully laid out for us by our parents? Or do we throw away the notion of family traditions and choose a different destiny? Meanwhile, everyone misses Shinji, even Asuka. Rei Ayanami is also worried about him. There’s an odd connection between Shinji and his Evangelion –imbued with his mother’s essence–, and Rei, whose link with Shinji’s mother places her on a difficult position: on one hand she feels replaceable, on the other hand, her closeness with Commander Gendo Ikari causes some sort of displaced –or misplaced– Oedipal complex.The exploration of the past continues. Right after Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki is kidnapped, his interrogation begins. Deprived of food and water during 30 hours, the anonymous high council of SEELE –a super-secret organization whose name means ‘Soul’ in German– asks him how GEHIRN (Brain) turned into NERV, how the geo-front was built, what is the role of Gendo Ikari and why did he marry to Yui (rumors state that he marries her for two reasons: for her scientific work and to gain access to SEELE, the only organization wealthy enough to finance NERV).

Shinji and his mother, Yui / Shinji y su madre, Yui

Finally Ryoji Kaji, the man responsible for Fuyutsuki’s kidnapping, rescues the Sub-Commander, even at the risk of his own life. Cornered in one of the tallest buildings of Tokyo 3, Kaji is wounded. He continues to run, until he has nowhere to go. With the arrogance that characterizes him, he shouts at his enemy. Aim better this time, he suggests. And, indeed, the next bullet destroys his chest cavity. He dies in seconds, but not before imagining the presence of all the boys he unwillingly sentenced to death when he was a teenager. Kaji’s death will have major repercussions on Katsuragi and even Asuka.A very moving sequence takes place between Rei and Shinji, who at last regains consciousness. For weeks, Shinji has been in utero, in a limbo devoid of all human contact. Ayanami, on the other hand, has been in the real world, but also deprived of a much needed human touch. She tells Shinji how much it meant for her to be touched by him, even if this has only happened four times: the first, when a wounded Ayanami was in his way to the infirmary, right before the first time Shinji piloted Unit-01; the second, when the boy accidentally trips and falls on top of a naked Rei; third, wearing their suits, after a battle with an angel; fourth, when Shinji cleans Rei’s hand after a kitchen incident. One of the reasons I love Neon Genesis Evangelion so much is because I can identify with all the characters. Surely, Shinji is the one that reminds me of my teenage years. But at some point in my life I’ve also been as sad and lonely as Rei, counting with desperation the number of times that I had been touched by another human being. And now, for example, I feel a lot like Ryoji Kaji. I look unworried, arrogant, too proud of myself, but I too have skeletons in the closet; like Kaji, I’ve made some really lousy decisions when I was 15 or 16, and just like him I’ve felt, perhaps too many times, that I didn’t deserve happiness. ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Comment without an Outhouse Account using Facebook

We get it. You don't feel like signing up for an Outhouse account, even though it's FREE and EASY! That's okay. You can comment with your Facebook account below and we'll take care of adding it to the stream above. But you really should consider getting a full Outhouse account, which will allow you to quote posts, choose an avatar and sig, and comment on our forums too. If that sounds good to you, sign up for an Outhouse account by clicking here.

Note: while you are welcome to speak your mind freely on any topic, we do ask that you keep discussion civil between each other. Nasty personal attacks against other commenters is strongly discouraged. Thanks!

Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:

About the Author - Arion

Arion, who is either from Chile or New York (it’s not really clear) writes a blog that the Outhouse steals on a regular basis. Arion is by far the nicest of all the staff writers and the most well behaved only having been banned from one country. One thing we really appreciate about Aroin is that he writes his reviews in English and Spanish and we hope someday he’ll translate this blurb for us. We’re not so good at languages, just look at how well we write in English if you need proof. You should bookmark Arion’s blog - http://artbyarion.blogspot.com – and actually look at it. There will be a quiz at the end of every month.