Do you remember Oppa Gangnam Style? Yeah… that’s kinda what your life’s gonna be like for the next few days. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Virgo:

No one understands you, but that’s okay! It just means that you are special and unique! And doomed to a life of crippling loneliness!

Libra:

It’s time to break out of your shell and reach out to people. Don’t let their screams of fear deter you. You must be free. Rise.

Scorpio:

A little positive inspiration is good for everyone! At least that’s what you’re going to tell your teacher when she catches you cheating on your math final.

Sagittarius:

You can definitely pull off that handlebar mustache, go for it.

Capricorn:

You are due for an great adventure. It’s time to set sail on the horizon of opportunity. Arrive at the land of success. Make your place in history.

Aquarius:

I have seen the word sensual at least five times today. Take that as you will.

Pisces:

Take a page from a fish’s book. Sleep with your eyes open. Submerge yourself in water. Trust the strangers that give you food. Move your mouth open and closed. You’ll be pleasantly surprised with the results.