Sunderland sack Martin O’Neill and sign Martin O’Neill...

Martin O’Neill has been sacked as manager of Sunderland Football Club. Ellis Short, the club’s owner, thanked the outgoing manager for his efforts over the past 14 months. “Football is all about results, and the truth is that recent results have not gone our way. So we have decided, with sadness, to let Martin go. We wish him well in his future endeavours”.

Half an hour later Martin O’Neill was unveiled, by Ellis Short, as Sunderland’s new manager. “We are delighted to have signed a manager of the calibre of Martin O’Neill. His managerial record speaks for itself. We are convinced he is the man to lead Sunderland away from the relegation zone, past mid-table mediocrity and on to the sunlit uplands of our ludicrously heightened expectations”...