Tips for filling out your Egg Donor Application

Dear donor, you are fantastic and awesome and fun and interesting and fabulous, and REALLY good at that thing you are good at. You know that, your mom knows that, but unless you tell people that, no one else is going to know!!

We have over 500 donors on our website waiting to be chosen. Future parents spend hours pouring over each donor’s profile, desperately trying to find that special donor who is ‘perfect’ for them. That one donor that makes them say “she sounds just like me!”. The parents-to-be are looking for someone they can relate to, someone similar to the mom-to-be. It’s a huge decision to pick a donor, and all the parents have to go on in making their choice are a few of your toddler pics and whatever you have written in your donor profile. Which is why it is vitally important that you have an interesting, refreshing, honest, complete profile that reflects exactly how awesome you are!! The intended parents are looking for your ‘voice’ in your profile, they want to get an idea of the story that is you. Make sure the picture you paint of yourself is as fabulously interesting as you are!

Yes, we know it is hard to ‘brag’, but everyone has something to brag about. Even if it is being the best singer-in-the-shower you know.

The decision process when choosing a donor is a complex one, and it differs from person to person. Most couples choose a donor that has similar physical features to the mom to be. Tall, blonde moms choose a tall, blond donor. Light-complexion black moms-to-be choose light-complexion black donors. This is because the couple would like their child to bear some physical resemblance to them. This is usually the first thing that couples look at when choosing a donor. They also closely look at your toddler pics to try to find a resemblance to when they were little girls. Which is why we ask you to make sure you use your best, cutest, most clear pics of yourself when you were about 4, 5 or 6 years old. Don’t use pics where you are wearing a bunny costume with face paint because although you look adorably cute, no one can see your face clearly! We know that sometimes the pre-school / toddler pics are hard to get hold of (sitting in a box under your mom’s bed 750 kms away!), but they are super important so please do your best to get hold of as many as you can.

So the physical side of things is where couples start their decision process. We know there is not much you can do to influence that part, but the rest of the choice involves more subtle things and this is where you can shine.

So what do parents-to-be look for, when choosing a donor?

For most people intelligence is super important – however it is not just about university degrees or top academic prizes (although those things are FANTASTIC!) – Intelligence and drive are about other things as well. They are about determination, about ambition, about overcoming odds, about special achievements, about hidden talents, about a great sense of humour, about PERSONALITY! We are all fabulous in our own way – don’t be shy to put that all in your profile. What makes you unique, what makes you special? WHAT MAKES YOU AWESOME!? I know it is hard to describe yourself. It can make you feel uncomfortable, as if you are boasting. But you are not boasting, you are merely communicating some of what makes you who you are. When you write your answers to the questions on the application form, you need to think of how your best friend would describe you. She/he wouldn’t be too shy to describe your good qualities, neither should you! Think of this as promoting yourself to your future life partner or in an interview for a dream job. There are times when being modest is called for, this is NOT one of those times.

Parents-to-be are looking for someone who is driven, intelligent, healthy, attractive, ambitious, vibrant, funny, humble, confident, kind and awesome. You might not be all of those things, but you certainly are some of those things! Write those things down on your profile so that everyone can see just how fabulous you are.

Some Tips and Pointers

In order to help you, think of using some or all of these questions to prompt some ideas when answering the questions on the application form:

What obstacles have you overcome in your life, how did you go about navigating the obstacles (Example: “My mother passed away when I was younger and the responsibility of taking care of my younger siblings fell to me. I got a part time job to help with the family income and made sure my younger brothers were able to attend extra lessons” or “I am a bit of a stress-ball, which got worse after my father died and I found myself suddenly looking after my mom and brother. It’s a lot to happen to somebody at 19 – though I’m so fortunate that my family was (and still is) so tight-knit. I have learnt how to channel my stress in a positive manner”)

Describe some of the successes in your life – what have you done / are doing that made you feel proud? In your work, in your personal life, at school or even just in your own home. (Examples: “I was chosen to represent my school at the notational debating championships” / “I volunteer at the local SPCA every Saturday morning to help clean the animal enclosures”)

Describe your best personality traits – in an interesting way. Saying “I am a people’s person” sounds less fabulous than saying “I have awesome interpersonal skills, I get along with people from all walks of life and people find me really approachable.”

Describe your other personality traits in an interesting way. Instead of saying “I am shy” you could say “I am a bit of an introvert, I am happier socializing in smaller groups with people I know than large groups of strange people”. Instead of saying “I am sensitive” you could say “I’m a very sensitive person – sensitive to the people around me and their emotions. At times it is a blessing, other times it’s a bit of curse, because I’m very perceptive”

Describe what you value, what is important to you: Instead of saying “Family is important to me” you could say something like: “Family is the most important thing to me – I guess this is largely why I’m here, filling this in – hopefully to help you with your dream of a family. But then again – I don’t mean family in the blood sense. My friends are my family too – and I would go to the ends of the earth for any one of them… And back again, if they asked me”

Describe the things you love doing, and why. Instead of saying “I love to travel” you could say “I love to travel –to experience different cultures, to learn about how other people live, to eat strange and fabulous foreign food, to experience history” etc

Describe your talents – DO NOT BE SHY! Instead of saying “I am sporty” you could say “I’m also quite sporty. At school I played first team hockey, first team water polo and was vice-captain of my school swimming team. Since leaving school I’ve taken up yoga, enjoy the occasional hike and hope to start trail-running more regularly too.”

Brag a bit – explain what you are good at. It doesn’t have to be things like “I regularly participate in marathons”. It could be “Even though I am really slow and I don’t look very graceful when I run, I am committed to being healthy so I get my butt out of bed twice a week to run 5kms”. Your special talent could be: I make the best white sauce ever / I am a whiz at flower arranging / I can hold my breath under water longer than anyone I know / I sing opera in the shower. There has to be SOMETHING that you rock at!

Be funny – but don’t try too hard. A sense of humour is always a win, but stay real.

Write longer answers than shorter ones. More is more in this case.

Most importantly, let your ‘voice’ shine through your words on your profile. Be authentic, be real, be you –be the best version of YOU!

If you need any help or advice, we are just an email away – email Helen at helen@nurture.co.za for help.

Good luck! We know that anyone who chooses you as their donor will be choosing some one awesome and fabulous and very, very special!