Thursday, July 19, 2007

Like To Get To Know You Well

Her Bad Mother is not me. That is, she is not entirely me. She's a voice inside my head; she's one of the many reflections that I see when I look in the mirror. She's the me who worries about being a bad mother (the kind of mother who lets her toddler fall out of shopping cart), and the me who takes pleasure in thinking of herself as a bad mother (the kind of mother who lets her toddler use a shopping cart as gymnastics equipment. Montessori bad.) She is anxious me - the me that my own mother refers to as a worrier - and she is self-deprecating me.

But she is not the Whole Me. She is not even the Whole Maternal Me. She's just one part of that whole. She's the part that I write about. She's my blog muse. She's a character. A true character, but still: a character, of a sort.

The real, whole me? You don't know her. Not really, not fully. You know some very, very important parts of her - parts that had probably never really been fully exposed before she began exposing herself on this blog. You would recognize her if you ever met her in real life. You would recognize the self-deprecating humour, the over-functioning vocabulary, the hand-wringing, the bob. You would see Her Bad Mother in the whole me. But you would see so much more than Her Bad Mother.

I've been asked, by a couple of people, to spell out what it is exactly that you would see. You know, so that nobody gets a nasty shock at the BlogHer conference. The problem is, I don't quite know how to put into words who the quote-unquote real me is. As I said in the confessional post that I cited above, the real me is a kind of shadow to the Her Bad Mother me who appears on this blog (and, the Her Bad Mother me a kind of shadow to the me that I am in real life) - we're true but imperfect representations of each other. And the whole thing about these words on this screen that you're looking at right now? They can only capture the shadow. It's a deep shadow, with crisp outlines, but it's nonetheless a shadow. (Am resisting, with difficulty, an urge to launch into a lecture on Plato's Allegory of the Cave, one that would draw parallels between his cave-city and the blogosphere blah blah blah. Am. Resisting.)

So I could tell you more about how I love martinis and chocolate and about that time I was held against my will on a Greek Island and about how people used to tell me that I looked like Kimberly on Diff'rent Strokesbut also Molly Ringwald and how I much preferred the comparison to Molly Ringwald, especially after Kimberly became a drug -addicted felon. But that would still only serve to round out the corners of the shadow, sharpen the edges further. It would tell you more about Her Bad Mother the writer (what am I choosing to reveal? How am I framing my anecdotes? How am I characterizing myself?) but not necessarily a whole lot more about the woman behind Her Bad Mother.

If you want my stories, you can tour my archives, or the 'Best Of' list on the sidebar at your right. If you want my formal bio, you can check out BlogHer's speakers page and scroll down to the C's. If you want to see and hear the real me, mediated only incidentally through the character that is Her Bad Mother, you could check out my AlphaMom interview, which is being debuted today on the AlphaMom site. It's about as real as it gets on the screen - witness LeahPeah's sweet genius at drawing out an interviewee's thoughts and feelings - without the benefit of alcohol (for me, not you. I'll only become fuzzier if you've been drinking.) It was filmed during last year's BlogHer conference, when I was still so new at being a mom, and a blogger, and before I'd figured out that I should sometimes censor myself. You'll even hear WonderBaby's real name.

(For the record, I am no longer engorged. Disregard that portion of the interview. Thank you.)

That's the best that I can do. I hope that if you are coming to BlogHer, and if you do meet me, I don't disappoint. The rest of you, I hope that you get a sense of the real me through the bits of shadow flickering upon this screen. You'd like me, I think. I hope.

The fantabulous MochaMomma is once again urging BlogHers to introduce themselves, share a little more than they ordinarily, in advance of the big meet-up next week. I'd like to second them on this, but I'd also like to do something further - I'd really like to hear from those of you who aren't attending. I'll get a chance to get to know the attendees better, many of them, but I'm feeling keenly, already, the missed opportunity with so many of you others.

So, please, even if you are not attending BlogHer - especially if you are not attending -do participate in BlogMe. Write a post telling us little bit more about yourselves. Because we want to know. Because we will be talking about you, missing you, next week. Sharpen up the corners of your shadows for us, the better for us to imagine you there. Link back here and/or leave a comment so that I can find you, and I'll do up a Wish You Were Here list next week, before we leave.

45 Comments:

Oh Jeeezus. I'm even more afraid to meet you konw because we have essentially the same bike (in addition to the same couch ...). I told the bike saledude that I needed a bike I could ride in a skirt and a blouse without flashing anyone. Um, I didn't factor in the toddler seat ... will BlogMe later ...

You are definatly someone I respect...I am hoping to pick your brain....I have not had much alone time with my hubby since Maggie was born. I am thinking of sending the kids to friends for the night and have some fun of my our own for once. I want something sexy. My friend told me to check out Pampered Passions. Maybe that’s too sexy? But they do have a contest for a free trip to the Bahamas. That would be nice.http://www.pamperedpassions.com/sweepstakes.htmwhat do you think?

Why resist the cave? So...in short, celebrity comparisons are okay so long as they don't involve druggies (what a relief, it'd be tough to find a way to parallel you and Paris), crusty old Greeks are cool so long they aren't holding you against your will on an island, and if we googled your name, we'd find you in a lot of places doing many things.

I wish I was going...due date's less than three weeks away, though, and traveling hundreds of miles is ill advised. My sister-in-law was actually born in your fair city because her mother didn't heed her doctor's warning against travel in the end stages of pregnancy. Next year...*wistful sigh*

Oh, and I've been all about disclosure this week over at the Cheese Party. Check it.

Can anyone really fully reveal who they are in a blog? I think that we all edit, to some degree. A blog provides readers with a glimpse into a facet, or facets, of someone's personality. If they like what they see, they'll likely return for more.

In the end, even a shadowy glimpse of someone whose writing and views you find enjoyable is better than the complete darkness of never finding them at all.

Sigh... Now I am so much more bummed that I am not going to it. I actually live just outside of Chicago, for cryin out loud. Think I can still get a ticket to just one night? But hubby's out of town, and I've been using my babysitters extensively lately...

You totally seem like somebody I'd love to chat with over a coffee. Damn the internet and it's teasing of friends that live too far away.

Let's commiserate for a sec and also let's recall that your underpants are showing but that I don't feel too bad for you because hello? You got an interview with Leah.

I always got the comparison to Vanessa Williams. That was great! I mean...Miss America, you know? That is awesome. Wow.

Then.

Playboy.

Centerfold.

Geez.

You know that I love you so very much and that we need about 18 hours in a cafe somewhere to fully express the love. I'll take what I can get because your writing is so amazing and you say the things. All the things. The great things. They make me think and want to write.

Not that I'm going to BlogHer or anything, but I would say when I (briefly) met you in person you were very much like who I thought you would be except ... I'll admit that when I read you, I have to click on all your educational links (like today's on Plato and his Allegory of the Cave??) more than I would care to admit, and so I would have maybe anticipated you to speak like some of my professors. And you were more at my level.(that's a compliment, by the way)

I bet you'll have a fabulous time at Blogher - I'm really bummed I'm not going to get to meet all those great blogghers I so enjoy reading. Maybe next year. And I'll try to do a 'getting to know me' post this week instead.