The special election race to fill the Senate seat formerly held by Jeff Sessions is just chock full o’ strange, and that’s only partly because one of the candidates is Luther Strange, who was appointed to temporarily hold the seat by former Gov. Robert Bentley shortly before Bentley resigned last year in his bosoms-and-sexting scandal. The most important issue in the election seems to be which candidate can prove he loves Donald Trump the most and will be the most loyal promoter of Trump’s agenda, whatever it turns out to be. And also who’ll resist the dangerous liberalism of Mitch McConnell, too. Remember, this is Alabama we’re talking about.

In addition to Strange, who picked up Trump’s endorsement yesterday, the other top candidates are Congressman Mo Brooks (R-MSNBC) and former Alabama Supreme Court Chief Justice Roy Moore (R-Ten Commandments), who finds himself free to run for Senate since he got booted for loving Jesus too much. The race so far has been largely about the practical pocketbook issues that matter most to Alabamans’ daily lives, like which candidate can make the most over the top display of his love for Jesus and Trump.

Luther Strange made a strong bid for the God/Trump endorsement at a candidate forum a while back, proclaiming,

President Trump is the greatest thing that’s happened to this country … I consider it a Biblical miracle that he’s there.

Moore wasn’t about to get out-Jesused by anyone, so he explained that God picks our leaders, at least when a Republican wins:

God puts people in positions in positions he wants … I believe he sent Donald Trump in there to do what Donald Trump can do.

And Brooks promised that, if he wins, he’ll make sure the Border Wall gets built just the way Donald Trump wants it, or he will personally filibuster by reading the Bible — King James version only — from cover to cover until the Senate approves the funding. He didn’t say whether he’d insist the funding be seized from Mexico, or perhaps the Corinthians. (Both of them.) A stunt like that is sure to make Brooks at least as popular as Ted Cruz, with his Green Eggs And Ham.

The ads, not surprisingly, are where the real insanity has oozed out into public view. Here’s one on behalf of Strange, from Mitch McConnell’s super-PAC, in which we learn that the Bible-thumping Brooks, who supported Ted Cruz in the 2016 primary and called Trump a “serial adulterer,” is actually in league with Nancy Pelosi and Elizabeth Warren because that is just logic:

Brooks just plain resents Strange’s suggestion that he’s not fervent enough in his Trump-humping, so he offers this ad showing the actual check Brooks wrote to support Trump. And just look at who’s endorsed Brooks!

I wrote a $2,500 check to help President Trump beat Hillary, and in Congress, I vote with President Trump 95 percent of the time. So who are you going to believe? Mitch McConnell and Luther Strange, or conservative thought leaders like Sean Hannity, Laura Ingraham, Ann Coulter, and Mark Levin? They’ve all endorsed me because I support President Trump’s America First Agenda.

Yep, Mo Brooks used the term “conservative thought leaders” for those looneybirds without a hint of irony.

In addition to the ad from McConnell’s PAC, Strange also has his own ad in which he says he chats with Jesus every day and promises to Drain The Swamp, which is why he’s the target of nasty “Never-Trump insiders” who want to keep him from fulfilling his destiny:

You have to embiggen the video to see it, but that target he’s shooting with his silenced pistol is labeled “Obama’s attack on 2nd Amendment.” Good to know he won’t let Obama get away with taking away our guns.

And then there’s Roy Moore, who may actually end up going to the Senate because Alabamans just can’t stop themselves from voting for him. He’s at the top of a recent poll, although the big establishment money is behind Strange. Moore’s ads are, as you might suspect, a tad unsubtle, linking top Republicans with demonic Democrats and crying that the Republicans “lied” when they promised to repeal Obamacare. You’d almost think Moore is running against Mitch McConnell, who, we should note, does not live in Alabama, but in either Kentucky or Tennessee, which we can never keep straight. (We kid — he’s from Mordor.)

Why indeed? Look, you just know why. Roy Moore, you see, is “Honest,” “his own man,” he “fears God,” “stands for the Constitution” (at least the parts that let Christians do whatever they want), and “Believes what we believe,” which is mostly a lot of crazy. Still, you have to love this image of Mitch McConnell’s evil turtle head surrounded by all the bad guys Moore will defeat in a single Republican Senate primary, including some Democrats and two members of the House. He’s just that good!

The actual primary is next Tuesday; nobody’s likely to get over 50%, so the two top candidates will go on to a September runoff, and then defeat whichever sacrificial candidate the Democrats put up for the general election in December. Remember, it’s Alabama.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please click the “Donate” linky, or Nancy Pelosi will take your children and guns.

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

He loves upvoting your comments but Disqus is broken and his upvotes don’t “stick.” Just assume he upvoted what you said, because it was excellent and witty.

The most spineless of the three has to be Mo Brooks. Losing badly, he tried get get everyone to drop out of the race and endorse the return of Jeff Sessions.

Jeffocaster in the West

If he means by a “biblical miracle” the end of days, he got that right.

Michael Smith

This is how it goes now. You can’t run for local postmaster anymore without having to compete with the other candidate over who is more committed to stopping the Muslim threat and building the wall and clearing the liberals out of government.

Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

Yup. Last year when we had the race for the school board the candidates were talking about how they’d “reduce the property tax” (a county function) and “boot all the illegals out” (a federal function). When they weren’t bleating on about Muslims, the flag and God.

Antonin Dvorak

I once got a flyer from a GOPer who was running for Agriculture Commissioner stating he was committed to ridding the state of Obamacare. How one affects public health policy as Ag Commish, he didn’t say.

Mavenmaven

That last picture, with the floating heads out of the walking dead, is just crying out to be turned into a blingee.

GreenGoldSharpie

Can we just acknowledge that these crazy fucks are advocating for jihad against liberals yet?

The Wanderer

No endorsement from Dana Loesch and the NRA yet.

armed_bears

I guess it will depend upon which one carries the biggest banana clip.

MynameisBlarney

Jesus fucking Christ.
Every last one of them sons of bitches is a goddamned Talibangelical fucktard.

armed_bears

Be aware: Talibangelical

I have officially stolen that term. Genius.

MynameisBlarney

Also, too; Y’all Queda.

armed_bears

Yeah, but yours is more classier.

MynameisBlarney

Haha, thanks.

UncleTravelingMatt

Ever notice that the more of a shithole a place is, the more its residents think God favors them?

MynameisBlarney

Yup.
And notice that their god also hates the EXACT same people they do.

UncleTravelingMatt

Usually the people two shitholes over.

The Wanderer

Because it’s all they have left, apart from their firearms.

alwayspunkindrublic

We should build a shrine in Alabama to the Jesus of Inverse Ratios.

theblackdog

I wonder if they subscribe to the Mother Teresa school of “You must suffer more for God”

UncleTravelingMatt

I dunno. They do seem to subscribe to the Mother Teresa school of “horde as much money as you can while others suffer” though.

The president’s “evangelical advisor” Robert Jeffress gives Trump gods approval to bomb the shit out of NK:

“When it comes to how we should deal with evil doers, the Bible, in the book of Romans, is very clear: God has endowed rulers full power to use whatever means necessary — including war — to stop evil,” Jeffress said. “In the case of North Korea, God has given Trump authority to take out Kim Jong Un.”

If h’d just gone to medical school, I would move to Alabama just to vote for Dr. Strange.

Latverian Diplomat

President Trump is the greatest thing that’s happened to this country … I consider it a Biblical miracle that he’s there.

The Electoral College is another example of intelligent design! Like the human appendix or the blind spot on the retina.

Villago Delenda Est

Or the knee.

Celtic_Gnome

After dealing with two luxated patellas on a Great Dane/Lab mix, he also did a shitty job on dog knees.

MynameisBlarney

I think the entire state of Alabama must be like the shittiest parts of NC.

Does Alabama even have any liberal strongholds? Or is it all dumbass conservative fucktards?

OutOfOrbit

not just red neck stupid, but also proud of it too

SnarkON

Yes, that’s the part that makes me smh. These people live in the shittiest states. They drive around in constant air-conditioning and the landscape is nothing but parking lots and strip malls, and for fun they watch reality TV and go out and shoot things, and they think they live the most enviable lives.

Marion in Savannah

You forgot their love of bass boats.

puredog

If there are, one must assume they have been gerrymandered out of any reasonable semblance of existence.

SnarkON

I have a FB friend from Alabama who got hisself some edjumakation and is now super cool and liberal. I love him. Alas, his FB friends are the worst group of asshole redneck fucktards I have ever had the misfortune to come across. I had to stop following him just because I can’t stand his friends’ stupid opinions. It’s too bad, really.

Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

Montgomery County (Montgomery), Macon County (Tuskegee), and Jefferson County (Birmingham) tend to trend liberal.

MynameisBlarney

Ah, thanks!

Antonin Dvorak

They have one Democratic district represented by Terri Sewell. The district includes Birmingham, Tuscaloosa, and Selma.

Latverian Diplomat

Ah, the places where the cosmopolitans live…

Belasaurius

we should tell the North Koreans that Trump loves Alabama very much and then, who knows what happens next

Belasaurius

I’m expecting my comment to be banhammered

SnarkON

Guess I’m going down with you then, my friend.

SnarkON

Kim Jun Whichever would be so much better off nuking the red states, honestly.

Oh yay, a theocracy based on white, middle-aged males who love guns and hate women. What in the fuck could possibly go wrong here?

Villago Delenda Est

Everything that has always gone wrong and always will go wrong, Katie.

alwayspunkindrublic

Jesus fucking Christ. White people…

Fartknocker

My one thought is any guy I have ever met named “Mo” was generally a Moron.

therblig

they all seem a few crackers short of a klavern

Latverian Diplomat

I’m almost rooting for Roy Moore. Put the most overt craziness in full view of the nation, and when it comes to legislating, will have zero influence and can’t possibly vote any worse than other Southern Republican. The only thing holding me back is that this feels a little bit too “heighten the contradictions” to be comfortable.

Covfefe

Ah. We tried that. Put the most overt craziness in full view of the nation in the White House.

Latverian Diplomat

The difference in this case, is it hardly seems that Moore has any actual way to be worse than Strange, except in terms of making a spectacle of himself. They will end up voting the same way when it comes to that.

Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

I go back and forth. On the one hand, dude is pretty old (he’s 70) so he’ll probably croak before he gets too far in the Senate. On the other hand, some malignant force keeps Republicans alive while actually worthwhile people die, and Alabama is a state that has no ideological diversity to threaten them once they’re in power. So if he did stick it out, he’d actually get some seniority, and thus a not inconsequential amount of power would be in the hands of a theocratic lunatic.

Yeah…they all seem to have that Strom Thurmond gene where they live to be 110. Maybe hate and bigotry is actually the key to a long life?

Marion in Savannah

Only the good die young.

Ghenghis McCann

They feed on the blood of new-born babies. Which explains why they’re “pro-life”. They need to ensure a good supply.

Zonath

I will move to Alabama and vote for Luther Strange if he swears a magical oath to use the Eye of Agamatto to un-elect Trump and to fight the dark wizards in the Senate.

Not the same guy, you say? Cheesy CGI-fest of a movie weirdly retconning the character into a sub-par remake of Kung Fu Panda, you say? Well, fuck him then.

Scooby

There was this church near my neighborhood where the pastor talked about hurricanes and earthquakes were punishment from God for wickedness but when lightning hit his church it was suddenly Gods way of saying he wanted them to have a nicer church.

We had this judge in rural Michigan beside himself because the county board wouldn’t buy him a new courthouse. One day, he found an arsonist in front of him. Stashed the arsonist. Nine years later, the arsonist got out on parole. Judge got his new courthouse.

As an ignorant Connecticut Yankee, I often wonder why Alabama’s sizable black minority doesn’t have more political muscle. I realize it wouldn’t make any difference in the Republican primary, but I would have thought there would be more black Alabama politicians I’d have heard of.
Maybe a southron can explain?

OrG in Amsterdam

You think they get to vote?

MynameisBlarney

Gerrymandering, voter suppression and intimidation, etc.

UncleTravelingMatt

Right, I almost forgot the DMV closures in predominately black communities.

Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

As I recall, in most southern states, black people make up sizable minorities but they rather inconveniently cluster together, and our system rewards geographic spread more than numbers, for some reason. Gerrymandering increases this effect, meaning that there’s some very safe black seats, but not very many.

Deep south states very effectively use incarceration as a tool of disenfranchisement. They cite poor black folks for “crimes” like loitering and levy a hefty fine. If they are unable to pay the fine on time, they are arrested, fined more, and jailed. It becomes a cycle that is almost impossible to escape. And I bet if you looked at the stats, it peaks around election season.

marxalot

Crimes of “moral turpitude!” Those can keep you from voting, even if they aren’t felonies. And there’s no legal standard or definition, so that’s even better. Tell it to the judge!

In a global crisis, much less a possible nuclear showdown, credibility is essential. President Trump, as I noted yesterday, faces a serious deficit in that regard, since his record of untruthfulness means that Americans don’t know whether to trust him and that foreign leaders have no reason to take his threats seriously.

Right on cue, the president demonstrated the gravity of the problem with a statement Wednesday morning, delivered via Twitter. It’s a classic Trump moment: an untruth that is relatively unimportant on its own but disturbing and confusing as part of a pattern, and extremely easy to debunk.

Anna Rompage

conservative thought leaders?

Do you know who else was a manipulative, xenophobic, power hungry, white nationalist conservative thought leader?

Zonath

Ronald Reagan?

Major_Major_Major

Maggie Thatcher?

OrG in Amsterdam

Hitler, it’s Hitler.

Latverian Diplomat

James Damore?

MynameisBlarney

Pat Robertson?

Major_Major_Major

“All them libtarts”-Ala-damn-bamans

Lance Thrustwell

The majority of GOP members since the mid-80s?

janecita

Pepe the Frog?

MynameisBlarney

Roger Ailes?

VirginiaWackelpudding

Harold Bluetooth?

schmannity

Finally, I get one right: Trump.

amrak63

How about that cranky Austrian dude named (CENSORED BY ORDER OF GODWIN)?

Persistent Tennessee Rain

Unlike NATO, Godwin’s Law is obsolete

Resistance Fighter Callyson

President Trump is the greatest thing that’s happened to this country … I consider it a Biblical miracle that he’s there.

Oh man, that was the most unexpectedly dark magical girl series I’ve ever seen/read.

amrak63

I only know of it by osmosis from other otaku. If it has an unhappy ending, I may skip it.

chortlingdingo

The ending is actually pretty good, but getting there is rough!

h4rr4r

He gives babies cancer, or chooses to let it happen.
That is enough to prove to me what he is, if I thought he existed.

Rick Hill

But he was only a monster to the bad people and the good people! Wait…

MynameisBlarney

I tried to read it when I was younger, but it was stupid as hell.
What really made me an atheist was the way religious people act.

Ricky Gay

It ruined salt for me :(

MynameisBlarney

All those pillars?

Ricky Gay

Never look back

Lance Thrustwell

I knew a guy once who rationalized it by saying he thought God was a growing, maturing entity. In other words, he used to be cruel and capricious, but he matured and changed, as reflected in the New Testament.

Ingenious, I suppose.

marxalot

I’ve heard it explained as God revealing himself to Man as humanity matured: you get the hardcore disciplinary stuff as a child because frankly reasoning with a toddler acomplishes nothing, and then as we grow in wisdom and understanding we can grow into stuff like the New Testament.
Me?
I lack whatever brain quirk it is that allows humans to believe long term in the unknowable, and also I can’t identify with any group larger than about 30 people.
Satan and Baseball it is.

Raan

“And God forbid you witness a no-hitter. That’s just nine miserable innings of two guys playing catch.” – Daniel Tosh

azeyote

well at least trump knows whose pussy he can grab –

President in Exile Firefly

To be fair, Roy Moore’s high school classmates voted him Most Likely to Secede.

Raan

“God puts people in positions in positions he wants … I believe he sent Donald Trump in there to do what Donald Trump can do.”

You know what, this I’ll agree with. After all, how else besides divine intervention can you explain a Republican president being called a liar by half of Republican voters?

Latverian Diplomat

I guess Yahweh was a big Obama supporter, then?

armed_bears

Clinton, not so much, however.

jesterpunk

Didnt God tell 18 republicans last election they should all be president?

Raan

Yeah. Great sense of humor.

jesterpunk

He also told Bachmann in 2012 she should be president. God is kind of an ass.

Hey, it gets boring after 6,000 years. Or 4.3 billion, or whatever. It’s all kind of a blur.

Ghenghis McCann

17 of them listened to “false gods”. It’s the Old Testament version of “fake news”.

Mehmeisterjr

Loud and clear. And He lied to all 18 of them.

AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

They claimed he told them to run for president, not that they would be president.

georgiaburning

So don’t you heathens dare boo a football coach for a losing season, it’s what God wants

Raan

Yeah, it shows people that there’s more to life than a game.

And on that note, I can never go to Texas for fear of public lynching.

marxalot

*emerges from protective bunker*psst
You can survive without caring about football. Just–
*glances around nervously*
Just be a total nerd and avoid bars and people who enjoyed highschool.
*back into shell*

There’s a man in my hometown (in Massachusetts) who kept a sign tacked up over the awning of his business from 2008 to 2016. It said “Sorry yet?” and the “o” was Obama’s campaign logo.

Now that Obama is gone, he has replaced that sign with one that says “The Russians are Coming!” and below the words are the heads of five people. Among them are: Hillary, Pelosi and Warren. It is an entirely incomprehensible sign to me. And I wonder it doesn’t hurt his business, but he’s still there, so . . .

Persistent Tennessee Rain

There’s really no question as to what side of the bell curve these people are on.

Beanz&Berryz

On the inside, between the clapper and the bell.

Beanz&Berryz

I kinda get the sorry yet sign, as lame and not sorry as everyone was… But he’s touting the coming (arrival) of the Russians to purge U.S. American democrats? WTF? Rage does sad things to shitty minds.

But where do they stand on the price of dip versus chaw and the age of consent for cousin marriages?

P’jama Pahnts

It’s not so much age of consent as it is the difference between ages.

alwayspunkindrublic

Consent?

schmannity

You know, for those not fleet of foot.

Anna Rompage

Yes, that magical moment when a old brother, or other male relative decides he’s going to have sex with a younger female relative…

alwayspunkindrublic

“I hate it when you make me hit you again, baby.”

Thiazin Red

Cousin marriages are fine as long as you’re not double first cousins. Double first cousins is where they draw the line.

schmannity

You must be one of them Cosmopolitans I’ve heard so much about recently.

amrak63

“If your family tree does not fork–you might be a redneck.”–Jeff Foxworthy

LesBontemps

George Wallace’s political philosophy of not being out-niggered has been updated to not being out-Jesused, apparently. I suppose that’s progress, for a certain value of “progress.”

TheGrandWazoo2

These guys prove why good governance is impossible. Them and the other 300 Republicans in Washington. And the untold thousands across the country governing in the red states. And the millions who vote for them.

amrak63

Especially the last of those, and also the millions more who choose not to vote at all.

HazooToo

Those people all need actual Jesus.

Paperless Tiger

Send them all a message: We’re stupid!

janecita

Say what you want, but Luther Strange has the best super villain name ever.

alwayspunkindrublic

Full name: Lex Luther Strange.

MynameisBlarney

Dr. Strange LIBELZ!

Mehmeisterjr

Best villain name ever? Maybe, although I think that Melanchthon Weirdo beats him by a hair.

BTW – Philip Melanchthon’s real name was Philip Schwartzerdt, which is scarcely less odd.

schmannity

Dr. Miguelito Loveless Libel!

Mehmeisterjr

I take you point although, in terms of actual achieved supervillainy, Sean Hannity would seem to be the best super villain name.

“God puts people in positions he wants…” So that means god wanted Obama to be President, not once, but twice, and one can also extrapolate from this that god wanted Obamacare. However, that was not Chief Justice Roy Moore’s view at the time.

OrG in Amsterdam

Something something mysterious something..

kaydenpat

You must not have noticed that Obama was a Kenyan Muslim Communist and most importantly Black. Black!! Black!!!!!

alwayspunkindrublic

Wait…he was black? Who knew? You think they would’ve mentioned that in the right wing press or something.

kaydenpat

You know, right? What a shocking thing to leave out!! And he had a Black wife and Black kids. He even had a black dog, darned it!!!!!

Yes but if they just remove worker protections and the minimum wage then they will have more workers.

Covfefe

To make that work, we have to do away with social security and all other forms of welfare.

jesterpunk

Paul Ryan wants to get rid of those too.

MynameisBlarney

That is a stellar fucking example of cutting off ones nose to spite ones face.
God forbid any of those lazy fat crackers have to harvest their own damn food.

Ghenghis McCann

And across the Atlantic, Brexit is going to have the same effect. So many food producers depend on seasonal labour from Eastern Europe, because they can’t get locals to do the work.

MynameisBlarney

Yup.
Some folks is just slap ate up with the dumbass.

P’jama Pahnts

I love the part about the “Americans” who came looking for work and tried to swindle him.

Manhattan123

Seriously, I can’t even imagine the frustration and horror of being a liberal living in that hellhole of a state surrounded by people like that.

MynameisBlarney

I grew up in rural NC.
It was pretty bad sometimes. Ok, most of the time.

OrG in Amsterdam

Lots of Liberals are friends with John Barleycorn.

Komsumverweigerer Ron

I am SO glad John’s an Independant.

Finnibar87

All the ones I know from Alabama voted with their feet, and left the state.

amrak63

I live in Arkansas. Very slightly better.

SeeTrain65

I’m in Ohio. I can. We’re becoming North Alabama day by day.

Wes Grogan

I’m liberal enough to donate to Wonkette every month and I live here in Alabama. I’m not the only one. We’re still trying to fight from the inside, but it’s damned hard considering we’ve been written off by the DNC and pretty much every other liberal outside of the state.

Manhattan123

Hope you realize I wasn’t criticizing liberals in Alabama. I was trying to sympathize. I live on the UWS of Manhattan. It’s pretty easy to be a liberal here, can’t imagine it there.

“Shocking revelations of who actually tweets as President Trump. Well, not really that shocking. In fact most of the higher primates could do better.”

pstockholm

Sorry no. Read anything he wrote again. It’s a pretentious version of the same bullshit you’ll hear these days from any similar conservative crypto-Nazi (thanks Vidal); there is nothing I would particularly call intellect there.
As for “dignity” – not sure quite what to make of that. He had a well-tailored suit?

amrak63

I said they tried. I did not necessarily say they succeeded.

pstockholm

Good point.

LesBontemps

Yes, but he said it with a very posh accent.

alwayspunkindrublic

It’s a telling statement, innit? And, in fact, quite true.

Kiri the Unicorn

I know. I never would have imagined the strategy of achieving political success by making your base of voters stupid and badly informed. It’s an ethical blind spot on my part, I’m afraid.

The mind boggles. Keep in mind that, presumably those were the BEST examples of “Conservative thought leaders” he could come up with. Think about what that entails – and shudder.

Kiri the Unicorn

These conservative “thought leaders” are a bunch of media bobbleheads and attention whores. For the left to do as badly, we’d have to take our marching orders from Bill Maher.

Ghenghis McCann

I read that as meaning “Conservative thought leaders are fond of Sean Hannity, Laura Ingraham, Ann Coulter, and Mark Levin”

The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

Well “Thought Leaders” certainly is a creepy term.

georgiaburning

It sounds better in the original Russian

chortlingdingo

Oh I hate that phrase so much. I noticed it popping up in the business sphere a few years ago.

Msgr_MΩment

They are to thoughts what lead is to balloons.

Kiri the Unicorn

They are to thoughts what lead is to your central nervous system.

marxalot

Is there anyone in Alabama who is not minimum 45% freakazoid? Is it just the politicians?

cats530

How can anyone buy this fake-Christian Bible spew? Even other Christians?

Komsumverweigerer Ron

Confirmation bias. The rubes REALLY want to believe that Jesus loves the white folks and hates the coloreds just like they do.

amrak63

Somewhere in the Great Beyond, Abraham Lincoln and Jefferson Davis are exchanging “WTF?” looks over how the party of Abe has become the party of Jeff.

armed_bears

great observation.

amrak63

Thank you, but it’s hardly original.

JMP

Wait, isn’t Roy Moore famous for getting kicked off of the Alabama Supreme Court for willfully violating the Constitution? How the fuck does he have the gall to claim he “stand by the Constitution” when he openly hates it?

Beanz&Berryz

Twice

jesterpunk

He was kicked off twice, the first time voters reelected him the last time they kicked him off and banned him from running for any judge position in the state ever again.

Beanz&Berryz

These guys just… sound so hateful whenever they talk about loving something…

OrG in Amsterdam

You must be thinking of the “Liberal Constitution”.

The Librarian

He stands by it except for separation of church and state. One nation under God, ya know.

You said nothing about plucking it. Do the Bundys eat them feathers and all?

Querolous

Finish your meal with a handful of wild hickory nuts.

msanthropesmr

Well, now someone is now sitting in lawn chair next to their car.

Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

Is it Chris Christie?

The Librarian

No, they’re waiting for whatever scraps are left over.

Wild Cat

Jesus H. Fucking Christ on a White Nationalist Ritz Brothers Cracker, this state is so dumb it’s almost like they gave us a turd like George Wallace in the past.

NotALiar

Lol wallace was probably smarter. Oh god.

TakingAmes

At least he kinda recognized the error of his ways eventually.

Wes Grogan

I’ll be there on Tuesday putting in one of the very few votes for Doug Jones. Sigh. I don’t think the politics in this state will ever be rational.

mary5920

It’s a beautiful state in many ways. Wish the people who supported Don Siegelman were in charge there–I lived in Atlanta several times in my life & visited Birmingham a few times.

Tovarish Z

Milo’s sweet tea is wonderful.

chortlingdingo

Why does is it that states that don’t share a border with Mexico are the ones most obsessed with the wall concept?

Beanz&Berryz

It’s the principle…

Msgr_MΩment

Couldn’t they just hire Jimmy Carter to do it? Man outlasts the Energizer Bunny.

Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

Because mouthbreathing backwoods rubes who’ve never been anywhere near our extremely well guarded, secure borders, or normal airport customs and immigration, believe the childish, wicked shit that’s beamed out of their TEEvees, showing dark scary bearded Moroccans fleeing to Libya and somehow think it’s affecting them. They ain’t never seen no dark scary people and they ain’t going ta have them scary folk coming to their idyllic swamps.

Anyone who actually does live in a border state actually recognizes the benefit and strength of someone who’d actually trek on foot through a whole country or two, ride on top of a train, then swim across a dangerous river and trek through a desert just to fucking do a fucking job for $2/day. Also understands the concept that they are “human beings.” CHRIST the rubes are so horrifying and awful.

chortlingdingo

Ah, right. I can’t even imagine living in such a state of fear and cruelty.

Ms.Moon

I ask the same question of people who worry about Islamist and Islamist inspired terrorist attacks in places like Alabama, if I an actual American don’t care about Alabama an actual terrorist who I presume will be coming from someplace far away will not care either.

Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

Yes, that too! It just proves that it’s all bone-stupid, ignorant, random fear and racism.

Komsumverweigerer Ron

Ain’t no crazy like Alabamy crazy!

SeeTrain65

‘Cuz Alabammy Crazy Don’t Stop!

HEY! HO! HEY! HO!

Maybe

Trump is a a Biblical miracle on the same level as Elisha and the two bears. Neither ‘miracle’ worked out well for children.

I have a funny story to tell related to this episode, but it is too naughty. Suffice it to say that it was a joke between my and my wife that caused much mirth despite the confusion of others not involved!

Have a great day!

Celtic_Gnome

Wait a minute. Too naughty for Wonkette?

Bill Diaz

It would take a healthy dose of TMI and hard core interracial pr0n to get to the punchline, lol. We worked together for 5 years and have a jr high student’s sense of humor.

The cleaner of the 2 jokes was naming a person we both knew, describing an impossible series of perverted sexual acts with ‘I would be so happy!. The punchline of the other joke was ‘Piss on my ass!’.

I’m going to enjoy watching dipshits irreparably damage their religion way more, by diving headfirst into the fly-covered Trump pigshit lagoon, than any atheist with an ax to grind against christianity-ism ever could.

Weird Fishes

“When Insurance Agents Go Bad: A Cautionary Take in 3 Parts”

norcalOG

The George Wallace who served his later terms looks downright librul compared to these guys.

whitroth

You *do* know that after he was shot, Wallace re-repented, and made a lot of apologies, and worked for better than almost any self-proclaimed Modern Rethuglican?

norcalOG

I “do”.

Oneofthebobs

“God puts people in positions in positions he wants”. Was God just sleeping at the switch, or did He appoint Barack Obama twice?

whitroth

Next, you’re going to tell me that God ™ won’t give us more to bear than we can manage. (Fuck that bullshit.)

cats530

Yep, he gave us Trump.

Internet Hitler

It was the Black Devil’s work. Corrected, praise the LLord! Halleberrja!

Wookie Monster

“Thought-leaders?”

We definitely through the looking glass.

Michael Loraine

Republican “thought leaders” are those who can figure out which side of their pants goes in front. So, staffers and aides.

Zyxomma

Oy, vey.

Ellie

If Roy Moore makes it to the Senate, will they have to provide extra space so there is room for his rock?

boredcatlady

Woah, the floating heads are weird. I’m a little disturbed that I so much in common with Roy Moore, what with hating Mitch McConnell so much and blaming him for everything.

cats530

Three old white CINO men to choose from. What a diverse selection here.

Nodrama4mama

I would like the ‘sacrifical democrat’ to run on a campaign, of “Bless your Heart” You dumb fucks, whichever Republican you elect is going to take away your Health Care and send your kids to God Only Knows Where to get killed”

Bill Diaz

All those old white dudes look alike to me, at least Jeff Sessions was distinctive (if not distinguished). From the dong of Florida to the asshole of Satan that is Texas, the whole shit stained taint of the Gulf Coast is an exercise in ignorant, toxic humanity.

Have a great day!

Buzz1313

I was thinking these three white dudes look like creepy ass perverts. I’d never want to be stuck in an elevator with any one of them.

norcalOG

Luther sang bass, Mo sang tenor, and Roy joined both while scratchin’ downstairs…

Shayne Smith

‘I vote with President Trump 95 percent of the time.’ He does realize that makes him a RINO to rabid Trump fans, right?

pursang833

Might as well said he was a damn commie!!!

Michael Loraine

Fascinating. Are there any Democrats running? If not, why not?

TX Dept. of Space Tacos

Alabama, that’s why not.

jesterpunk

There are 9 republicans and 7 democrats running. (Yes its Fox, it was the first result.)

Two things:
Whoever photoshops for Moore should get fired. Worst head cropping ever. What did they use, paint?
Also, does not matter which Republican wins: It will be the DNC’s fault for not pouring enough money into random long shot here despite that DNC money is dirty and bad and from Wall Street.

Ducksworthy

Alabama Goddamn!

SavageElbow

I’m surprised Moore’s ads aren’t just him in Charlton Heston cosplay with robes and a long beard yelling at people on top of a mountain.

guppy06

so he offers this ad showing the actual check Brooks wrote to support Trump

Complete with routing and account numbers!

Can we at least try to make things difficult for the Russians?

Oh, and he said he “wrote the check,” but it’s a PAC’s money he’s spending, not his own. Nice.

Don Gwinn

Is it petty to note that Luther Strange doesn’t know how to hold a pistol and is probably a common coastal cosmopolitan liberal effete elite?
(He’s a common TeaCupper!)