Video: Pete Doherty, smoking crack-like substance. Out of a pipe shaped like a chicken. This is not a joke. [Perez Hilton]

Tom Cruise: Seen washing his hands for 5 minutes, "as thoroughly as a surgeon preparing for surgery" after using the restroom. Here's to LHR! [Times Of India]

That "guru" Paris Hilton was hanging out with? He's a Hollywood actor who has been in flicks like Pirates Of The Caribbean. That's doesn't explain why she's spending time with him, but whatevs. [TMZ]

Bjork made Chinese fans "uncomfortable" by shouting "Tibet! Tibet!" at a show in Shanghai. [CNN]

Jennifer Lopez's twins have 600-thread count Egyptian cotton linens, classical music piped in, and professional baby masseuse who come once or twice a week. Yawn. [Mirror]

Carey Hart says that Pink is "the love of my life." Although they are separated, "We talk all the time." [People]

Sarah Jessica Parker's unreleased movie, Spinning Into Butter, might just suck: It's lacking a distributor and she says, "One enters these endeavors with the best of intentions, but sometimes they don't work out." [Page Six]

"Part of the bar mitzvah is that you become a man supposedly at 13 years old. And as I was a man, I decided never to go to a synagogue again" — Jack Black. [Page Six]

Village Voice columnist Michael Musto will appear on the cover of the paper spoofing the Lindsay Lohan nude photo shoot. Musto says: "Lindsay did 250 crunches the night before her shooting. Well, I did 250 Nestle's Crunches." [Page Six]

Thursday night, Barack Obama will attend the opening of the all-black revival of Cat On A Hot Tin Roof on Broadway. He'll have mad Secret Service, of course. [Gatecrasher]

Bai Ling was formally charged with petty theft from that incident last month in which she stole two Star magazines and some batteries and then blamed a bad break up. The value of the items? $16.22. [People]

Rumor has it that Mischa Barton turned down a role on Gossip Girl to make it seem like she is too famous for that; her rep says the info was not leaked for publicity. Ugh, so glad she won't be hanging with Serena and Blair. [Perez Hilton]

Eddie Van Halen is undergoing medical tests, causing the band the reschedule its upcoming concerts. Eddie has fought cancer and alcoholism in the past, this issue has yet to be disclosed. [Reuters]

There's a rift between Steve Irwin's widow and his father, if you give a crap about that kind of stuff. [Independent]

British "glamour model" Jordan, aka Katie Price, is purchasing a plane, which she plans to paint pink and pilot herself. Awesome? Or crazy? Or crazy awesome? [Sydney Morning Herald]

Is Cindy Crawford coming to Good Morning America or The View? [Variety]

Madonna may be turning 50, but there's no stopping her: "I'm sure I wasn't put on this earth just to make records. There are a lot of things I want to achieve. I'd like to be a better human being. I'd like to be a better parent. I still have my children to raise. That's a big responsibility, I'm not done with that. I would like to direct more films and write them. I've only done one. To me that's the beginning of that career and I want to make more records. I love music." Go ahead, girl! [Mirror]