Michael Jackson’s Funeral to Probably Be Huge Mess

Do you live in Los Angeles? Good luck! Though the Staples Center and Nokia Theatre will admit but a measly 17,500 members of the general public into tomorrow morning's funeral service for Michael Jackson, organizers for the event received a hilarious 1.6 million requests for tickets from people who will probably all just show up anyway, fear city officials. Much-coveted tickets for Jackson's funeral are being sold for as much as $100,000 on eBay, despite the fact that there's some complicated wristband system in place with the ostensible goal of thwarting scalping (presumably the policy will only result in full-blown riots in the parking lot). An L.A. city councilwoman tells the AP that she would "love it" if MJ's family would help pay for event security — since California is broke and can barely pay to police its streets on days when they aren't overrun by rhinestoned throngs of crazy Jackson fans — but they haven't yet offered. Additionally, Mariah Carey is now set to perform at tomorrow's service, so Angelenos can probably expect their commutes to be delayed by tanks and Stealth bombers.

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