In my part of the world, "dick" is pretty standard. "Cock" will get you a puzzled look usually (as someone looks around for the rooster). "Pud" sounds disgusting, but crops up from time to time.

"Snatch" has always amused me as a pussy-replacement. I recall an old movie with Jack Palance sneering about "a bit of snatch".

lawnpigeon

Jan 25 2007, 05:18 PM

I remember reading years ago in a girl's journal how she HATED the word vagina because it meant "sheath" and thus suggested its primary use was to hold a penis. So she used cunt because it was derived from the Latin word meaning "wedge" because it suggested more that a vagina could exist in its own terms. Looking up cunt on Wikipedia though (as everyone does from time to time, as they should) there seems to be a bit of disagreement as to where the word cunt came from.

Anyhow, I still use the word vagina because I believe we give words the power we want, regardless of their original meaning/intentions. I'm generally a technical person (science degree, yay) and I like how vagina is such an odd word, kind of an awkward word to say and I think it's funny how people can't say it and just use some other cutesy term. I've always wanted to call mine "my kitten" but always forget to. Anyway, I'll refer to my vagina as my pussy or cunt during sex.

As for my boy, it depends what I feel like saying. Penis, sometimes, cock and dick whilst getting frisky. We actually have a pet name for his penis, "Mr. Nibbles" which, um, he christened it one day during a text message conversation. "Mr. Nibbles" was actually the name of a tree squirrel I helped look after whilst doing volunteer work in a wildlife rehab centre in South Africa. When my boy said his penis was now to be known as Mr. Nibbles I replied, shocked, with, "You have forever sullied the good name of Mr. Nibbles!" but now call his penis Mr. Nibbles all the time. It's kind of good because I can make sly remarks on his MySpace page about Mr. Nibbles (by mentioning tree squirrels, or link to pages where people have pictures of their pet guinea pig, "Mr. Nibbles") and he knows exactly what I'm talking about.

Oops, almost forgot. I'll refer to when I get my period to my boy as, "Well, you haven't knocked me up yet."

Also, I hate the term "old fella" for penises.

I'm done now.

tankgirl

Jan 25 2007, 05:58 PM

QUOTE(billybonka @ Jan 25 2007, 06:17 PM)

"Pud" sounds disgusting, but crops up from time to time.

"

heh i call my ferrets "puds"

greenbean

Jan 25 2007, 06:32 PM

The "kitty" thing reminds me about this one time in art school when we were drawing from a nude model,.. she got into a position and a friend and I got a flash of a tampon string,..and my friend leans in and whispers, "I think kitty's got a tail!"

raisingirl

Jan 25 2007, 06:33 PM

Got an angry snatchGirls, you know what I meanWhen swivelin' that hipDoesn't do the trick

Oh, and this may have been around the time that the Lounge stopped being beige, but I remember having to explain to a whole bunch of Busties that "petting the bunny" was indeed not a euphemism for masturbation. It's a good one, though.

mornington

Jan 25 2007, 06:38 PM

QUOTE(billybonka @ Jan 25 2007, 11:17 PM)

"Cock" will get you a puzzled look usually (as someone looks around for the rooster).

somewhere, I have a fridge magnet of a man with a giant rooster... and the appropriate accompanying tag line.

I'm afraid my favourite euphemism for masturbation has to be "bashing the bishop"... although the popular one over here for the ladies is "flicking the bean", which I hate.

raisingirl

Jan 25 2007, 06:44 PM

Flicking the bean? That leaves me dry. It's just... eh.

I think this is from Minky: stirrin' the puddin'.

auralpoison

Jan 25 2007, 07:21 PM

I have only ever heard the term "coolie" used in reference to a rectum.

The worst euphemism I ever heard for female masturbation was "shaking hands with Mrs. Paul." Ewwwww. I just call it wanking.

I only use penis if there is something wrong with it. Junk if I'm hanging out with the guys like, "Jon, stop humping me, I can feel your junk. Gross." Other than that I use dick or cock.

I'm always fascinated by the romance novel language like, "throbbing manhood" or "turgid member." Maybe I'll use that next time I get laid. "Oh, HB, fill my sacred vessel with your turgid member & the essence of your burning seed!"

At my old job we went from being "customer services" to being "member services". The first week we giggled like nine year olds, "We're servicing our *members*." HAH!

I used to have a whole list of vagina names. I created my own vagina monologueish type show for my college last year and we opened with vagina names. I opened it up to the campus to give me names and some of the things I came back with...well...they were interesting. I still enjoy "bearded clam" It always makes me giggle.

Personally, I'm a fan of calling mine plain 'ole "vag".

sixelacat

Jan 26 2007, 02:28 AM

GB, I would totally lose my composure if someone called me "honeypot" in public!

I have to say, the hedgehogs introduced me to a few new names....I'd never heard "axe-wound" or "flange" (which sounds like a soda counter drink to me, I don't know why....).

My grandfather's name is Dick, I was never sure what gran meant by that 'cause she'd use his first name usually only when they were bickering (I swear there was a little extra emphasis), otherwise he was "grandad".......

My most used male phrase is "turkey waddle", that's pretty much what it looks like to me (sorta explains why I'm not into them, too......).

And I've never understood "pud". It sounds gross and doesn't bring any cock-related image to mind.....

QUOTE

O/T but did anyone else think they only had two holes when they were little? I was convinced there was a poo hole and a pee hole and nothing else.

I had a mind bogglingly detailed intro to my genitalia when I was young, my mom started nursing school when I was 3 or so.....by 4 or 5 I knew there were the two visible holes, and one microscopic pee-hole, which I spent years searching for!

punkerplus

Jan 26 2007, 06:42 AM

At least you knew sixelacat! When I first fingered myself (by this time I did know there were three holes), I thought I'd terribly injured myself because I didn't realise it was meant to be wet and therefore I must have put my fingers in an organ or something

Fanny always makes me think of dirty and smelly. I hate using it. They are bum-bags in my house too. As for masturbation I usually use wanking or jilling off, which I seem to remember the lounge introduced me to.

Flange always makes me snort immaturely, my nan calls people cock as a term of affection which gets her some odd looks.

"Turkey Waddle" HAH!

quietmadness

Jan 26 2007, 07:26 AM

LOVE this thread!

My husband has a nickname for her: "Petunia." I call the period "being OTR," (learned that from my best friend Lisa in senior year of HS, and just always stuck with that.)

Never had a reason to "call" her anything...I don't talk about her with anyone. I reckon if I did though, it'd be just plain old "pussy."

*suddenly worried about that after like 40 years*

mornington

Jan 26 2007, 08:05 AM

o/t: my ex named my breasts. he's weird like that, except now we have entertaining conversations in public which we find amusing.

I love the word "flange". I think it's some sort of mechanic's tool... I still snort over it though. and "turkey waddle" is so horribly accurate, and "throbbing manhood" sounds kinda painful, imo.

punker, I got horribly, horribly confused too, I thought I had some sort of terrible disease. I knew that facts of life and all that, but still. maude.

Beauty & her Bass

Jan 26 2007, 08:49 AM

My boyfriend gets a kick out of the fact that when talking dirty, I tend to pause before I say penis. It just happens, and I don't know why. And if I try to call it a 'dick' then i think of my dad's old friend who had some weird skin condition. Yuck.

So, instead I have started calling it 'you'. It is an extension of him...so it fits, I guess.

Oh and "turkey waddle" is FANTASTIC! As someone who dated girls and is now with a guy...I can totally relate. I was completely scared of it at first. I think I may have even asked if it was supposed to hang like that.

culturehandy

Jan 26 2007, 11:34 AM

I call my boobs my girls or the girls.

bunnyb

Jan 26 2007, 12:52 PM

greenbean, thanks, I'm never going to be able to look at mussells the same way again!

HATE fanny.

Had discussion with the boy in bed last night about this thread and he likes vagoo (pr. vaju)

My breasts are my breasts or my boobs or my tits and I like tatas.

Favourite masturbation euphemism is double clicking own mouse.

AP, was that taken from a Mills & Boon?

auralpoison

Jan 26 2007, 01:23 PM

BunnyB, I had to look Mills & Boon up! No, my Auntie was a big fan of Harlequin Romance novels when I was growing up. I'd read then when bored. I found one once that was basically a Pride & Prejudice rip-off, but with smutty smutty smut smut. HAH!

I usually refer to my breasts as the girls or the puppies.

raisingirl

Jan 26 2007, 06:24 PM

bunny as in rabbit, not bunny as in vajayjay

faerietails

Jan 26 2007, 07:43 PM

"clicking my own mouse"?! i love it!

tesao

Jan 27 2007, 03:53 AM

when having sex, i call it my pussy or my cunt. pussy (or bunny, for that matter) wouldn't work very well for women who are shaved, though (at least not to my mind)

speaking of shaved: i could NEVER understood "taco" until i saw my first shaved pussy. makes sense all of a sudden.

when talking clinically, vagina.

when talking to friends, either pussy or girlie bits

i have a friend from the southern USA who calls hers her "pocket book". ALWAYS loved that one. you know, where you keep your STUFF.

favorite word for penis: cock.

dick is also good. guys i have known seemed to prefer dick. i'll usually use whatever term for penis that a man prefers.

menstruating: moontime. as in "i'm having my moontime". since i quit taking the pill, my periods follow the moon cycles. which i think is really cool, actually.

these words all change completely in portuguese:

buceta is probably my favorite for vagina.

i like pau (wood) for penis. those of you who mentioned turkey waddle? the word for turkey in portuguese is "peru", and it is also slang for penis. so is pinto/pintinho = chick/little chick (hen offspring)

i've known men who actually had NAMES (you know, like earl, or david, or paulo) for their penises. as in, can david come out and play? no, david is worn out.

i have used the word "sheath" with a specific partner who was into the entire "m'lord" /m'lady thing. and i have to say, i REALLY got off on telling him that he should sheath his sword because that was where it was meant to be, not out fighting. we both thought it was great, and (of course) that we were SO CLEVER for having thought it up all by ourselves. ah, to be young. (he was wonderful, and had other names, but that one seemed so romantic at the time)

go on, poke fun at me. i opened myself up to it.

Jane-X

Jan 27 2007, 11:00 AM

Why are we all so oooooo obsessed with our Virginias'?

auralpoison

Jan 27 2007, 10:34 PM

I don't know, tr*ll, why are so many men obsessed with their cocks? Because they're there!

edna

Jan 27 2007, 11:12 PM

One of my college roommates referred to her period as,'riding the cotton pony.'

My man is well hung and I'm well, busty, so we sometimes refer to ourselves as the porn couple. But only in the privacy of our own home.

mouse

Jan 28 2007, 08:15 PM

vagina, during sex: pussy or cuntvagina, not during sex: vag or cooze (i used to hate that word, but an ex claimed it was totally cute and used it affectionately and often, so now i love it) penis, during and not during sex: cock or dick. cock is sexy, but dick is dirtier imho. breasts: i have still not found a word i like for breasts that's easy to say (i think "dirty pillows" is hilarious, but it's not exactly in-the-moment terminology), but "tits" will do. don't love it though.

lilyblue

Jan 28 2007, 10:00 PM

vagina to doctors only, pussy or cunt when feeling sexy and cunny or kitty/kitten when feeling playful.

I'm an OTR person for period. I like to "pet my kitty" and cock is incredibly hot to me.

For breasts, i like boobies (like the Bette Midler song), tits, girls or tetas.

crinoline

Jan 28 2007, 10:46 PM

My best friend says "entirety"; as in, "When I bend over in this skirt, can you see my entirety?"I think it's hysterical.

ginger_kitty

Jan 29 2007, 11:15 AM

For breasts, I use boobies, boobs, or titties. I hate it when people say jugs, melons, or knockers!

What about for oral sex? I usually just say going down. I'm not fond of the phrase giving head, one of my exes used to say that. For women I hate it when people say carpet muncher, I prefer the term muff diver.

bunnyb

Jan 29 2007, 11:25 AM

I say going down to or oral sex but mainly the former. I don't mind "blow-job" and I loathe "licking out".

fun-bags is the funniest term I've heard for boobs.

culturehandy

Jan 29 2007, 12:26 PM

For me sucking cock, blow job, going down on.

As for getting oral sex, eat me.

licking out, *shudders* that's kind of creepy.

punkerplus

Jan 29 2007, 12:28 PM

I don't mind eating out, but I don't like licking out. I just prefer going down on or giving head. Also I use blowjob for both sexes.

mornington

Jan 29 2007, 12:36 PM

going down or giving head really... again, "licking out" is a bit creepy-sounding. blow job too if i'm the one doing it.

i don't use it enough, but "breasticles" was a favourite a few years back and always makes me laugh. Boobs or breasts really. Tits when I'm feeling irritated - it's more of an insult ("could she make her tits any more obvious?") but I use it as an all-purpose insult too, same with knob and twat. For some reason, I tend to use it more when it applies to guys - that and man-boobs.

polly, I assumed the driver was male but I'm shocked that it's a woman! How can someone be offended that their niece read the word "vagina"? Jeez, she has one.

culturehandy

Feb 8 2007, 03:50 PM

That's fucking wild! How can anyone be offended by the word Vagina? It's not like they're saying, hmmm, what's truly offensive? A lot of people are offended by the word cunt, how about the Cunt monologues? Or the Hair Pie Monologues, ummm, Tuna Taco? There is waaaaaaaaaaaay worse.

This is the kind of world we live in, we get offended by breasts and vaginas and penises, but we will allow the children of the world to play games like Grand Theft Auto and see someone's brains blown out on screen. It all makes perfect sense now!

pollystyrene

Feb 8 2007, 07:44 PM

And beat up prostitutes, don't forget about beating up prostitutes!

auralpoison

Feb 8 2007, 10:42 PM

BunnyB, women that refer to their nether regions as "down there" are probably offended by the word vagina. It irks me to no end that some women are still made to feel ashamed by their own genitals. I can understand being offended by many of the vernacular terms, but the technical, medical one? The one that you'd use with your gyno? Hell, the kid probably didn't even notice the sign, but the lady was probably terrified that she might actually have to *TALK* to the kid & maybe have an intelligent, reasonable conversation about something that she deems "dirty." As long as it's only used for procreation it's okay to have a "down there", but anything else is pornographic.

Culturehandy, this reminds me of the whole "wardrobe malfunction" debacle. The children of this country are allowed to watch thousands of acts of violence a year, but to see a partial naked breast or the word "vagina"? Or hear it used more than once in a tv drama? WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE *CHILDREN*?

But surely... the conversation would go like this:"Auntie Fucktard, what's a vagina?""It's what doctors call your private parts, dear"

and end. She's nine.

funnybird

Feb 9 2007, 01:35 PM

'The Tuna Taco Monologues' made me snort beer out of my nose.

(Yes, I'm drinking beer at home alone on a Friday night. Expect to see me later in the 'Inebriated Ramblings' thread.)

aunt agonist

Feb 13 2007, 02:04 AM

i just saw the vagina monologues for the first time in person tonight and i hadn't realized how much more empowering it is to be in a room full of women who all 'mm-hmmm' or 'awwww' at the same moments i felt like that. it really does lend this feeling of absolute community wtih anyone else who possesses a vajayjay.that thing about grey's anatomy is redonk. boo for that.i call mine quim,ladybug (thanks gals!), vajayjay, or wooch (soley for comedic value). sometimes i use girlie bits. i love cunt but for some reason it dosen't pop up in my daily vocabulary. sad.

tommynomad

Feb 19 2007, 06:07 AM

Vajayjay is priceless: thank you narrow-minded censors for giving it to us.

I hope someday Auntie Fucktard hears her precious niece say:"I prefer a hooha in my mouth to a boy-hooha."

QUOTE(punkerplus @ Jan 25 2007, 03:08 PM)

if I am in the mood to be bolshy and piss someone off. Cunt is generally my favourite but it is just not acceptable in certain situations. If someone asks me if I'm ok after spending too long in the bathroom (usually when I first start bleeding) I just say "well I'm not pregnant".

I have a great dancer friend who uses "cunty" for female chutzpah.Shenomad sometimes says: "No baby, Baby" when she gets her period.

QUOTE(erinjane @ Jan 25 2007, 04:23 PM)

My best friends used to say they were "OTR" (On the rag), but then some of our sporty guy friends thought they were talking about that show on TSN, "Off the record", so now they say they've got Michael Landsberg (the host of the show).

I am never going to be able to watch Landsberg again. At least not with a straight face. YOu should email the show and tell him, erinjane!

"Vagy burger" drives shenomad nuts. I got it from Tank Girl. And when I was in Moscow, a guy I was travelling with ordered a plate of bearded clams in a REALLY fancy restaurant. Demanded the waiter ask the chef for them. We were all in fits trying not to crack up, as there was a clueless family of Mormons (with two college-aged daughters) in the tour group.

QUOTE(culturehandy @ Jan 26 2007, 05:51 PM)

I call my boobs my girls or the girls.

My balls are the boys, the lads, or lately (thanks to shenomad), whatever food she thinks is about the same size:"The cherries? No.... The potatoes? Nah. Oh, I know: the plums! No, that's not right either...."Breasts are the girls, pillows, or breastsicles if they're cold. In fact, we append "sicle" to any cold body part. Shenomad sometimes says "mah boobies" when she's pretending to be white trash.

QUOTE(auralpoison @ Jan 28 2007, 04:51 AM)

I don't know, tr*ll, why are so many men obsessed with their cocks? Because they're there!

I read once that there are more words for penis in English than for any other word, and that breasts, bums, and the vulva are next in frequency.

We call my penis: cock, it, that (as in "Bring me it/that now!"), or you ("C'mere, you").Shenomad's vulva is: cunt, vulva, you, or honey. With her English friends she also says "flower," 'cause that's their word.

pepper

Feb 19 2007, 07:58 AM

tommy, you make me smile man.

eating out has to be my least favourite sexual term but licking out is pretty darn nasty too, ugh. and i Love saying "down there" but it's so obviously a joke when i do.tuna taco monalogues, now that's the best ever. i'll be passing that one along.

culturehandy

Feb 19 2007, 08:54 AM

Could you imagine having dirty, raunchy sex, and in the moment of passion saying; Oh yah fuck my hooha good. Or fuck my tuna taco good? How could you take that seriously?

aunt agonist

Feb 26 2007, 05:34 PM

yeurgh. anywayi was watching grey's anatomy the other day (season 1) and i got even more irritated about the whole vajayjay thing. does anyone remember the severed penis episode? i think they said penis,like at least 10 times- literally. but 2 measly 'ol vagina's are offensive?*pfffffffffft*

p.s- pissing SKILLS? someone should have told napoleon dynamite he could add it to his list of skills. i'm putting that on my resume!

deschatsrouge

Mar 15 2007, 02:25 PM

Mrs. Rouge and I call them Mister Fuzzies. I posted that name on the band name thread.

maddy29

Mar 16 2007, 12:58 PM

my boy and i will joke around with funny genital names. like culture was saying-sometimes i really will be like "ohhh baby, i need your noodle in my hoo-hoo right NOW!!!" and then we laugh. i like to make him laugh during sex.

i call mine chachi, or cooter or coochie, sometimes. in a funny way. i don't really like the word vulva for some reason. i need a new good word.

i've never heard the term licking out. hmmmm...

culturehandy

Mar 16 2007, 04:22 PM

noodle in hooha! Can you imagine if that's how people actually talked dirty to each other. Seriously! Imagine it!

missladyj

Mar 17 2007, 03:42 PM

I need to preface this by saying it's really only funny if you are from Chicago