The Bizzare Diary of Rachel Hughes

Thursday, 22 December 2011

Hi guys and gals...... well that time of year again...omg I love it....yesterday I went to Doncaster on the bus with hubby...as none of us drive...it was heaving busy... I remember a time when in Doncaster i could not cope at all but I loved it..... went to loads of shops and queue's and felt a possible 20% anxiety ....heart was pounding all the time but I never let it carry away as it was hot..I was rushing and I was excited!!!! I even ate whilst out which is a big thing for me especially being so far from home...... I wanna wish you all a healthy, prosperous and self healed new year...and a wonderful Christmas xxxxxxxxx thanks for all your comments still even though I hardly blog now..... I smile everytime someone says they have read my blog and they have been inspired... I love it!.......and glad I did it as I have met some lovely people on my way x...take care and Merry Christmas xxxxx

Tuesday, 6 December 2011

Sunday, 16 October 2011

Hi people..... wow I am getting straight to the point....... Im gob smacked at how ill I was!!!!! I have been reading my blog and comments and cant believe how different I am now, I have been through the most amazing journey ever in my life, but I have learned so much from it!..........about my self and also about values, morals, love, appreciation!.......since becoming 99% better (still got a few issues to overcome) I cant tell you how I just LOVE being alive every day!! .....I thank God for my family and my Good friends , I have so many good friends that have helped me on my path of healing. I know how poorly I was and I know some of you out there, fellow readers are still suffering and you just don't see the light at the end of your dark foul tunnel..... I can tell you peeps there is HOPE!!!...... But I did have to kick my own ass, work towards a positive attitude and try to stay focused and every glitch, every palpitation episode felt like a set back but I shook my self and starting again! ................ you need to tell your mind what to do rather than your mind telling you what to do ! ....train your brain into thinking positive thoughts and in the end your body will respond and not react to fear! ...FEAR has been a BIG thing in my life to overcome and apart from my doctor phobia which is still being worked on.... (70% there now) I can honestly say I am not a bag of quivering arseoles anymore!..... I have just recently been on holiday on the norfolk broads with some girly friends in the middle of nowhere..... I had a great time. If you had of said to me 2 yrs ago ..."rach,,, you will be on a boat in the middle of the country side " I would have laughed ass of and curled back up on the sofa watching telly in my safe spot!...................... the only downside to getting better is for my family cos Im never in! ...LOL...love it..... but my Daughter is reaiping the benefits as she is now coming shopping with me on the bus!...yeah ME on a bus shopping!.................... when I say Im 99% better the 1% is going shopping to town on my own! ....I aint done that yet, I will go to my mothers on the bus on my own but not to town BUT I will!!!!! Prob will attempt it at cristmas time.

Well Guys im signing off for now.......... But I shall be back to see you all .... x x x

Sunday, 1 May 2011

Well peeps had a huge set back but after one session of therapy and understanding why i had the symptoms again i am feeling alot better!...yippie!..........once your brain makes sense of whats happening and relate the stress to a time in your life where you felt vunerable you can begin to work on your emotions! and also im not a great cryer but this therapy always brings on the tears.....you dont realize what a release it is to have a good cry ...so come on peeps get the tissues out and have a weep...... release some pressure! xxxxxxx

Sunday, 10 April 2011

Well, back with a bloody vengence or what!!!...... STRESS!... been having the old out o sync heart palps when walking about again! really bad! ..Gosh its amazing...how can I have em for yrs and yrs then they stop for 8 months then wham! back again!...but I am being positive and believing they will go again! they will I know they will...... I have had a lot of stress on with my mother and father as I am the only one out of 4 girls to look after them.... anyway... i need to get over this blip and get my self right again!!

Thursday, 31 March 2011

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh what a week!.... basically this wk I have struggled with some old symptoms like heart palpataions when i walked, I was pretty shocked when they started again but i think i know why..... I have been so inspired and had a lot of help when i was poorly with it all from a website called no more panic! brill website...well i hadnt been on it for a while so i thought i would have a look... i started reading some of my old posts from a few yrs ago when i was suffering VERY bad...the next day all the symptoms started again...i coudlnt believe it....def' psycological!!!!.......but I decided to take the bull by the scrotum! and wade through.....rather than stay inside scared of walking I walked, on my own and further! it worked.......there gone again! THANK THE BULL! ...so I am feeling great again! ......just shows, dont let it beat you, tell ur brain what to do rather than your brain telling you what to do .....such a simple thing to do ...but it works!...any way I hope you are all well , take care and blog to u soonies xx

Sunday, 6 March 2011

well after 4 yrs of struggling to get out the house I actually struggle now to stay in! ain't it amazing! ... But at the moment everyone is suffering from being bored... I was thinking today...omg when i was locked in the house (not literally) how the hell did I cope!...wot did I actually do with myself.....the answer came.... I sat worrying about my heart ,,,my health and everything else!....it took my day up... i just thank God I am well. I was talking to a Friend today who hasn't seen me since I got well and she only ever knew me with agoraphobia ,,,, she moved over to Holland (her home) we chatted on Skype and she couldn't believe that I now walk with out my bike or even get on a bus... as I was telling her things I thought wow ,,,, I am better..we even talked about me going to see her on a plane! with my Daughter ...and I am seriously thinking about it... I wouldn't do it on my own but i don't see that being a failure i just accept now that there are some things in life we don't do on our own...it isn't particularly a weakness its just who you are....but I would really love to go to Holland especially with my Libby......... any how...signing off for now...night guys and gals!

Friday, 4 March 2011

I had a time in my life where my blog was one of my crutches... but now I am well I really do hardly post anymore...sometimes I feel selfish and think "what about my blogger freinds" but i do still look at your progresses and I am happy some have been renewed but also sad that things havnt changed for others...... I never ever thought there would be light at the end of the tunnel for me, I remember sat trying to imagine my self walking around the corner and I couldnt...I believed I never would again...but it is when i changed that belief and believed that I would... you need to tell your brain positive things and your brain WILL in the end respond to your positive commands! it will ...scientificaly it will..... I am happy I am well and i never want to be in that place again...and I believe I wont!

Friday, 8 October 2010

hi guys...just thought I would pop in ....lol.... i wanted you to know im doing good! life has been great apart form being skint but hey we all are at the moment! I have started another blog as you know the therapy i had for the panic attacks that really worked... well I am having them now for eating and weight loss....I have joined slimming world and I am really looking for ward to loosing the weight as it has been a constant battle for a lot of years! and im really ready to loose the weight and the therapy has been working .... I have lost nearly a stone.... 6 more stone to go ... and i will be the complete new woman! Hope you are all well...and please please remember there is light at the end of the tunnell I promise you guys ... I am living evidence that there is.... x x x xlove u allwww.rachelwillbeslim.blogspot.com

Friday, 30 July 2010

hi guys, i just wanted you to know how i have been doing.... after my last blog...wooopps... bad language etc...well thats how i felt... i am feling alot better...great in fact... I can say that my Agoraphobia is on the back burner for now...it always sits there, I am cautious and lifes choices can be delicate but I did do the massive step a couple of weeks ago and ...well ....a few things really... I went to Wales to my Aunty's...then booked a holiday to the seaside at the end of August in a caravan...and went back to wales again, visited swansea and had a fab time... I was ok...this time 3 years ago i couldnt even see my self out the front gate ....but I ragged my self out of it.... i know how hard it is and I pray to God I neve get like that again ...but who can say as it is the second time in my life I have had the syptoms of Agoraphobia...... thanks you lot for your fantastic support and i hope you are all well.

Saturday, 15 May 2010

Just woke up about half an hr ago to a run of ectopic/out of sync/irregular beats for about half an hr (just calmed down)......cannot believe these fucking things are back! yeah I am swearing...for the first time on my blog! I am SO pissed off...I ain't had any of these damn things since Jan and then they come....its like \i get rid of it and some evil bitch posts it back to me......... i don't mind the odd flutter through the day...that really don't bother me...... but when it gets into that rhythm of miss beat miss beat......you just think it will never ever go back..... i don't want this ...i want it to go .......... i will work on it peeps!....after what i have achieved this yr i cant let it get hold of me again!

Wednesday, 12 May 2010

Hi peeps...... well I have been having an amazin time..... gettin out and about... to say I was agoraphobic a few months ago .. u would think I was lyin... I am also walkin more.... the palps did go...it was an amaziin feelin to feel normal and not worry about doin anything....but the other day they came back....but you know what .......truth.......and I think you will believe me you know.......I REALLY DONT CARE..... let them....for now i dont give a shiney shite ... let em happen....they will go ,,, i have had months and months with out them.... so im sure they will go again....it aint gonna stop me gettin out like before..... it just prooves IT IS ANXIETY! as i have had a few things to worry about lately..... I have even become part of a reenactment group and have been out and about with that...... I cant go back to how i was before.... not movin from the floor....watchin tv.....scared to walk to the kitchen for fear of them..... no no no ...they are not grabbin me again!...off out today for a walk around the next little village wiv shops etc..... take care freinds...x

Wednesday, 17 March 2010

Hi my lovelies..... just a quick update, I am feeling pretty normal!... still prone to the palps but nothing like they were....they are copable!...... where as before I coudnt cope at all.... makes you relaise how strange and amazing our bodies are.... but I do have a little theory...... I have seen a link.... If your a bloke shut your ears! lol.... HORMONES!!!!.... since Dec my cycle has gone haywire... missing periods and then bleeding for 4 weeks ..missing spotting! but since all this I have had less palps.... someone suggested i could be going through an early change or in peri menopause.... which im 100% sure of....one of the symptoms of peri menopause is palpatations...anxiety and panic attacks!!!!!! ohhhh heelllooooo!!!!! .... I really think it has had an effect!... so ladies...you may wanna think about that.... I am just praying they dont come back like they did.... . I still feel though that the agoraphobia has been a mental block with fear due to panicking whilst out...and I feel i have combatted that on my own . ,, so who knows eh! I am young to go through menopause but not to start peri...i was 38 the other day..(old git I know)... so i shall just have to see whats in store LOL...take care peeps ...speak soon x

Monday, 15 February 2010

You have followed me through thick n thin.... when i have woke in nights of flooded panic i have blogged.... days when i have not wanted to move or been to scared to go to the shop 3 doors away from my home!!! ...i have even had agoraphobia with in my own walls... scared to go from livin room to the kitchen...my space was becoming more and more limited... till in the end i knew i had to do something...i wanted to put it in order how i achieved this.

these are the things that affected me

1. couldnt be left on my own at all

2. couldnt leave the house

3.couldnt walk far with out feelin breathless or heart pounding

4.hated having visitors

5. had night panics every night so didn't sleep.

now....

1. love being on my own

2. Do everything i can to leave the house all the time ...love being out now

3. just started to walk a little now....do go to town and walk a little now

5. love having peeps round... been having lots of parties...body shop...ann summers etc

6. sleep like a baby

how have i achieved these things

1. started a little job ...avon so i had to get out and had to deliver goods as people were expecting me.

2. got freinds to take me in the car to places knowing i may have to turn back.

3. began to get involved in things within the community...i.e school....feeding the old folks at village hall....craft stalls....even though i was doing all this i was still having all the symptoms...but ploughed through

4. bought an electric bike to get my independance.

5. had people on standby when left on own knowing i had me bike there if i needed help.

Tuesday, 9 February 2010

AFTER NEARLY 3 LONG YRS I SEE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL..... LIFE IS FEELING LESS WORRYING, BUT THE BEST BEST BEST NEWS OF ALL IS ......... THE PALPATATIONS ARE STOPPING,, THE PAST 6 DAYS I HAVE HAD THE SAME AMOUNT OF HEART FLUTTERS ETC AS I HAVE IN A COUPLE OF MINUTES....... I FEEL LIKE ITS BECOME REGULAR AGAIN................................ THE AMAZING THING IS.... IT WAS ANXIETY.... ANXIETY DID THIS TO MY BODY... BUT ITS AS IF IT HAD TO HAPPEN AND WORK ITS WAY OUT.... I KNOW I MAY EVEN GET THEM AGAIN.... I KNOW THAT BUT I HAVE TO TELL MYSELF...ITS JUST STRESS A SILLY THING THAT HAPPENS TO MY HEART.... BUT ITS NOTHING THAT WILL KILL ME.... IT WAS GETITNG TO THE POINT THAT IF I MOVED OR STOOD UP ETC THEY WOULD START... I HAVE BEEN DOIN A LITTLE BIT OF WALKING AND HAVE BEEN OK....PRAY FOR ME GUYS ...PRAY THAT THIS IS THE START OF RACHEL BEING BACK.... GOD HELP THE WORLD IF IT IS!.... I HAVE LEARNED ALOT FROM THIS EXPERIENCE...... ITS BEEN A PROPER PROPER JOURNEY... BUT THE KEY THING IS TO KEEP YOUR SELF BUSY AND MOTIVATED ... I HAVE DONE THE MOST DARING THINGS DURING MY BAD TIMES LIKE GETTING INVOLVED IN THE COMMUNITY AND ALSO NOT HIDING AWAY... MAKING ALLOWENCES FOR MY OWN FEARS AND HAVING FREINDS AROUND ME WHO CARE AND UNDERSTAND AND WHO ARE NOT SICK OF HEARING THE SAME OLD THING HAS BEEN HANDY AND HELPFULL. SO GUYS HANG ON IN THERE.... YOUR SYMPTOMS WILL EASE... I HAVE GONE FROM SITTING ON THE LIVING ROOM FLOOR WRAPPED IN BLANKETS AND WATCHING TV SCARED TO MOVE AND WHEN I DID HAVING A PANIC ATTACK TO GETTING OUT AND ABOUT WITH THE AID OF PEOPLE AND MY LECKY BIKE.....! ...OH YEAH ... YOU KNOW IT ALL STARTED WHEN I RODE TO MY MOTHERS AND HAD THAT MASSIVE ATTACK ON MY OWN...WELL THE OTHER DAY I RODE THE SAME JOURNEY... ON MY OWN BUT ON MY ELECTRIC BIKE.... IT WAS SOMOT I NEEEDED TO DO ... I DID IT.. I FELT NERVOUS A FEW TIMES AS ONE PART OF THE JOURNEY IS A 2 MILE LONG RD IN THE MIDDLE OF NO WHERE.... FEILDS EITHER SIDE..... BUT I DID IT.! BIKING IT WITHOUT ELECRTIC WOULD HAVE BEEN A DIFFERENT STORY LOL...BUT HEY WHO KNOWS MAYBE SOON ....X SPEAK SOON HUNNIES...... IF YOU WANNA ADD ME ON FACE BOOK SEARCH FOR RACHEL HUGHES WAS PARSONS WENCH AND YOU WILL FIND ME! TAKE CARE!!!!

My peekers

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About Me

Welcome to my little corner of the universe!I have been blogging now for around 4 yrs and wot I journey I have been on. I started when I was suffering from Panic attacks which then led to agoraphobia,in the end I was scared to walk to the gardwen gate but through self disapline and positive therapy and fantastic freinds and my hub and daughter I am now 99% well...just a few tweeks! read my journey,i blog very simple and easy reading...enjoy!