Tuesday, October 25, 2011

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!

I have quite obviously been watching far too much 'How I Met Your Mother'...

I do own the Barney Stintson Playbook. An ex girlfriend of mine bought it for me. Wonder what she was trying to tell me...

The challenge, as put to me by Sheik Yerbouti, in response to "give me something random to blog about - I'm fresh the fuck out of ideas" is the following:

Ham and Leek Pie.

It was a very quick response as well. I suppose what occupies the plate in front of you, occupies the mind as well. Entirely.

I have since been presented with the following alternatives: 'How amazing and versatile potatoes are', and 'Stripper shoes and why they are so appealing to men'.

The second one is easy:

1. They make us think of strippers.

2. They make women's legs look better.

3. One of the best poses in the known universe is the lie-on-your-stomach-and-grab-your-stripper-heels-behind-your-back-while-blowing-me pose.

Just saying. It's merely an observation.

On the versatility of potatoes, well, they're obviously VERY versatile. I don't think anyone has enough time to get into that. But let's count the top 10 quickly, shall we?

1. Chips.

2. Crisps.

3. Shoving them in thine enemies exhaust pipe.

4. Mr Potato Head.

5. Potato salad.

6. Potato bake.

7. Roast potatoes.

8 Grade school science assignments.

9. The movie 'Spud'.

10. The Simba theme song "I wanna be a Simba Chippy!"

There.

Onto Ham and Leek Pie. Now on face value this would be quite a difficult topic on which to pontificate. Until one starts looking beyond the seemingly banal facade of your average Ham and Leek Pie. First off, it contains the one animal product that actually unites Muslims and Jews. Pork can solve the problems of the world whilst still giving you a Sunday morning bacon-smell hard-on. All the warring factions of the world need realise is that they actually do have something in common. Neither of them is allowed to partake in that most unclean of animals, le piggy. The sheer magnitude of the sense of deprivation they must experience should precipitate them burying the hatchet and uniting against the oppressive hamless society in which they are forced to eke out a joyless existence.

Then there's the humble leek. A product of Wales slightly more successful than their rugby team and less likely to break into 18 part choral harmonies. If you look these astonishing vegetables up on the "intrawebs" you will be dumbfounded at the political significance of the common leek. Go on, just type in "Wikileaks" into your browser and see what happens...

And all this was wrapped up in a delicious layer of puff pastry conveniently on a plate in front of a friend of mine waiting to become the latest subject matter of my inane ramblings (and hence the latest internet craze!)

Ham and Leek Pie! The new Angrybirds!

In an amazing twist of fate today's Daily Gem from Neal Goldwyer goes like this.

NGDG: "I'm eating vegetables and making clothes. No, I'm not a politicoeconomic dissident. Payday is a few days off and I'm preparing for Old Hallow's Eve. Ooga Booga."