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Monday, 12 December 2011

My Letter to Santa

Dear Mr Claus

This year I have been a VERY good mummy, I've not run down the street screaming AT ALL (yet) or threatened my children with social services or prison or boarding school or living at Grandma's more than ooh, *crosses fingers behind back* two or three times.

So for Christmas I would like, um, World Peace OBVIOUSLY but if you could just drop the first batch of it down my chimney before sorting out the rest of the world that would be good, and at least I'd be able to put the boxing ring away ... it takes up such a lot of space and I do hate wearing the referee's outfit.

And I'd like an extra three hours in a day please, hours that no-one else will be using that I can fill with things that I like to do like, for example, NOT cleaning up and NOT cooking and NOT ironing and definitely NO explaining long division AGAIN.

And some extra ears would be good, so I can prop them in a corner listening to the children while I have a proper conversation with a grown-up because for the past 16 years I haven't got through a full sentence without someone shouting "Muuuuuum" in the middle of it.

And I'd like a Fridge Goblin, who squats in the bottle shelf, shouting "DON'T EAT THAT, IT'S FOR TEA" every time someone opens the fridge. And a Biscuit Tin Goblin that yells "DONT EAT ALL THE CHOCOLATE ONES" every time the lid is raised.

And I'd like a bottomless laundry basket which never, ever overflows EVEN at weekends. And I'd like an ever-lasting hamster. And eternal youth. And eternal optimism. And gin, lots of gin.

Oh. And an iPad.

Thank You
Love
Mummy Cool

P.S: Please don't land the reindeers on the roof, last year they made a right racket.