funny kiwi stuff

Here’s a stand-alone version of the glossary you’ll find in the backs of my New Zealand books. New Zealand is a funny old place. When I first moved there, I’d hear something and think, “Wait, what?” Their unique words and speech patterns interested (and sometimes amused) me so much. In the interest of not confusing you the way I was confused, though, here are some translations.

A few notes about Maori pronunciation:

The accent is normally on the first syllable.

All vowels are pronounced separately.

All vowels except u have a short vowel sound.

“wh” is pronounced “f.”

“ng” is pronounced as in “singer,” not as in “anger.”

ABs: All Blacksacross the Ditch: in Australia (across the Tasman Sea). Or, if you’re in Australia, in New Zealand!advert: commercialagro: aggravationair con: air conditioningAll Blacks: National rugby team. Members are selected for every series from amongst the five NZ Super 15 teams. The All Blacks play similarly selected teams from other nations.ambo: paramedicAotearoa: New Zealand (the other official name, meaning “The Land of the Long White Cloud” in Maori)arvo, this arvo: afternoonAussie, Oz: Australia. (An Australian is also an Aussie. Pronounced “Ozzie.”)bach: holiday home (pronounced like “bachelor”)backs: rugby players who aren’t in the scrum and do more running, kicking, and ball-carrying—though all players do all jobs and play both offense and defense. Backs tend to be faster and leaner than forwards.bangers and mash: sausages and potatoesbarrack for: cheer forbench: counter (kitchen bench)berko: berserkBig Smoke: the big city (usually Auckland)bikkies: cookiesbilly-o, like billy-o: like crazy. “I paddled like billy-o and just barely made it through that rapid.”bin, rubbish bin: trash canbit of a dag: a comedian, a funny guybits and bobs: stuff (“be sure you get all your bits and bobs”)blood bin: players leaving field for injuryBlues: Auckland’s Super 15 teambollocks: rubbish, nonsenseboofhead: fool, jerkbooking: reservationboots and all: full tilt, no holding backbot, the bot: flu, a bugBoxing Day: December 26—a holidaybrekkie: breakfastbrilliant: fantasticbub: baby, small childbuggered: messed up, exhaustedbull’s roar: close. “They never came within a bull’s roar of winning.”bunk off: duck out, skip (bunk off school)bust a gut: do your utmost, make a supreme effortCake Tin: Wellington’s rugby stadium (not the official name, but it looks exactly like a springform pan)caravan: travel trailercardie: a cardigan sweaterCBD: Central Business District; downtownchat up: flirt withchilly bin: ice chestchips: French fries. (potato chips are “crisps”)chocolate bits: chocolate chipschocolate fish: pink or white marshmallow coated with milk chocolate, in the shape of a fish. A common treat/reward for kids (and for adults. You often get a chocolate fish on the saucer when you order a mochaccino—a mocha).choice: fantasticchokka: fullchooks: chickensChrissy: Christmaschuck out: throw awaychuffed: pleasedcollywobbles: nervous tummy, upset stomachcome a greaser: take a bad fallcostume, cossie: swimsuit (female only)cot: crib (for a baby)crook: illcuddle: hug (give a cuddle)cuppa: a cup of tea (the universal remedy)CV: resumécyclone: hurricane (Southern Hemisphere)dairy: corner shop (not just for milk!)dead: very; e.g., “dead sexy.”dill: fooldo your block: lose your temperdob in: turn in; report to authorities. Frowned upon.doco: documentarydoddle: something easy. “That’ll be a doddle.”dodgy: suspect, low-qualitydogbox: The doghouse—in troubledole: unemployment.dole bludger: somebody who doesn’t try to get work and lives off unemployment (which doesn’t have a time limit in NZ)Domain: a good-sized park; often the “official” park of the town.dressing gown: bathrobedrongo: fool (Australian, but used sometimes in NZ as well)drop your gear: take off your clothesduvet: comforterearbashing: talking-to, one-sided chatelectric jug: electric teakettle to heat water. Every Kiwi kitchen has one.En Zed: Pronunciation of NZ. (“Z” is pronounced “Zed.”)ensuite: master bath (a bath in the bedroom).eye fillet: premium steak (filet mignon)fair go: a fair chance. Kiwi ideology: everyone deserves a fair go.fair wound me up: Got me very upsetfantail: small, friendly native birdfarewelled, he’ll be farewelled: funeral; he’ll have his funeral.feed, have a feed: mealfirst five, first five-eighth: rugby back—does most of the big kicking jobs and is the main director of the backs. Also called the No. 10.fixtures: playing schedulefizz, fizzie: soft drinkfizzing: fired upflaked out: tiredflash: fancyflat to the boards: at top speedflat white: most popular NZ coffee. An espresso with milk but no foam.flattie: roommateflicks: moviesflying fox: ziplinefootpath: sidewalkfooty, football: rugbyforwards: rugby players who make up the scrum and do the most physical battling for position. Tend to be bigger and more heavily muscled than backs.fossick about: hunt around for somethingfront up: face the music, show your mettlegarden: yardget on the piss: get drunkget stuck in: commit to somethinggive way: yieldgiving him stick, give him some stick about it: teasing, needlingglowworms: larvae of a fly found only in NZ. They shine a light to attract insects. Found in caves or other dark, moist places.go crook, be crook: go wrong, be illgo on the turps: get drunkgobsmacked: astoundedgood hiding: beating (“They gave us a good hiding in Dunedin.”)grotty: grungy, badly done upground floor: what we call the first floor. The “first floor” is one floor up.gumboots, gummies: knee-high rubber boots. It rains a lot in New Zealand.gutted: thoroughly upsetHaast’s Eagle: (extinct). Huge native NZ eagle. Ate moa.haere mai: welcome (Maori)haka: ceremonial Maori challenge—done before every All Blacks gamehalfback: No. 9 in rugby. With the first-five (No. 10), directs the game. Also feeds the scrum and generally collects the ball from the ball carrier at the breakdown and distributes it.hang on a tick: wait a minutehard man: the tough guy, the enforcerhard yakka: hard work (from Australian)harden up: toughen up. Standard NZ (male) response to (male) complaints: “Harden the f*** up!”have a bit on: I have placed a bet on [whatever]. Sports gambling and prostitution are both legal in New Zealand.have a go: tryhave a nosy for… : look around forhead: principal (headmaster)head down: or head down, bum up. Put your head down. Work hard.heaps: lots. “Give it heaps.”hei toki: pendant (Maori)holiday: vacationhonesty box: a small stand put up just off the road with bags of fruit and vegetables and a cash box. Very common in New Zealand.hooker: rugby position (forward)hooning around: driving fast, wannabe tough-guy behavior (typically young men)hoovering: vacuuming (after the brand of vacuum cleaner)ice block: popsicleI’ll see you right: I’ll help you outin form: performing well (athletically)it’s not on: It’s not all rightiwi: tribe (Maori)jabs: immunizations, shotsjandals: flip-flops. (This word is only used in New Zealand. Jandals and gumboots are the iconic Kiwi footwear.)jersey: a rugby shirt, or a pullover sweaterjoker: a guy. “A good Kiwi joker”: a regular guy; a good guy.journo: journalistjumper: a heavy pullover sweaterka pai: going smoothly (Maori).kapa haka: school singing group (Maori songs/performances. Any student can join, not just Maori.)karanga: Maori song of welcome (done by a woman)keeping his/your head down: working hardkia ora: good day (Maori, but used commonly)kilojoules: like calories—measure of food energykindy: kindergarten (this is 3- and 4-year-olds)kit, get your kit off: clothes, take off your clothesKiwi: New Zealander OR the bird. If the person, it’s capitalized. Not the fruit.kiwifruit: the fruit. (Never called simply a “kiwi.”)knackered: exhaustedknockout rounds: playoff rounds (quarterfinals, semifinals, final)koru: ubiquitous spiral Maori symbol of new beginnings, hopekumara: Maori sweet potato.ladder: standings (rugby)littlies: young kidslock: rugby position (forward)lollies: candylolly: candy or moneylounge: living roommad as a meat axe: crazymaintenance: child supportmajor: “a major.” A big deal, a big eventmana: prestige, earned respect, spiritual power. A critical Maori (and NZ) concept.Maori: native people of NZ—though even they arrived relatively recently from elsewhere in Polynesiamarae: Maori meeting houseMarmite: Savory Kiwi yeast-based spread for toast. An acquired taste. (Kiwis swear it tastes different from Vegemite, the Aussie version.)mate: friend. And yes, fathers call their sons “mate.”metal road: gravel roadMilo: cocoa substitute; hot drink mixmind: take care of, babysitmoa: (extinct) Any of several species of huge flightless NZ birds. All eaten by the Maori before Europeans arrived.moko: Maori tattoomokopuna: grandchildrenmotorway: freewaymozzie: mosquito; OR a Maori Australian (Maori + Aussie = Mozzie)muesli: like granola, but unbakedmunted: brokennaff: stupid, unsuitable. “Did you get any naff Chrissy pressies this year?”nappy: diapernarked, narky: annoyednetball: Down-Under version of basketball for women. Played like basketball, but the hoop is a bit narrower, the players wear skirts, and they don’t dribble and can’t contact each other. It can look fairly tame to an American eye. There are professional netball teams, and it’s televised and taken quite seriously.new caps: new All Blacks—those named to the side for the first timeNew World: One of the two major NZ supermarket chainsnibbles: snacksnick, in good nick: doing wellniggle, niggly: small injury, ache or sorenessno worries: no problem. The Kiwi mantra.No. 8: rugby position. A forwardnot very flash: not feeling wellNurofen: brand of ibuprofennutted out: worked outOE: Overseas Experience—young people taking a year or two overseas, before or after University.offload: pass (rugby)oldies: older people. (or for the elderly, “wrinklies!”)on the front foot: Having the advantage. Vs. on the back foot—at a disadvantage. From rugby.Op Shop: charity shop, secondhand shopout on the razzle: out drinking too much, getting crazypaddock: field (often used for rugby—“out on the paddock”)Pakeha: European-ancestry people (as opposed to Polynesians)Panadol: over-the-counter painkillerpartner: romantic partner, married or notpatu: Maori clubpaua, paua shell: NZ abalonepavlova (pav): Classic Kiwi Christmas (summer) dessert. Meringue, fresh fruit (often kiwifruit and strawberries) and whipped cream.pavement: sidewalk (generally on wider city streets)pear-shaped, going pear-shaped: messed up, when it all goes to Hellpenny dropped: light dawned (figured it out)people mover: minivanperve: stare sexuallyphone’s engaged: phone’s busypiece of piss: easypike out: give up, wimp outpiss awful: very badpiss up: drinking (noun) a piss-uppissed: drunkpissed as a fart: very drunk. And yes, this is an actual expression.play up: act upplaying out of his skin: playing very wellplunger: French Press coffeemakerPMT: PMSpohutukawa: native tree; called the “New Zealand Christmas Tree” for its beautiful red blossoms at Christmastime (high summer)poi: balls of flax on strings that are swung around the head, often to the accompaniment of singing and/or dancing by women. They make rhythmic patterns in the air, and it’s very beautiful.Pom, Pommie: English personpop: pop over, pop back, pop into the oven, pop out, pop inpossie: position (rugby)postie: mail carrierpot plants: potted plants (not what you thought, huh?)poumanu: greenstone (jade)prang: accident (with the car)pressie: presentpuckaroo: broken (from Maori)pudding: dessertpull your head in: calm down, quit being rowdyPumas: Argentina’s national rugby teampushchair: baby strollerput your hand up: volunteerput your head down: work hardrapt: thrilledrattle your dags: hurry up. From the sound that dried excrement on a sheep’s backside makes, when the sheep is running!red card: penalty for highly dangerous play. The player is sent off for the rest of the game, and the team plays with 14 men.rellies: relativesriding the pine: sitting on the bench (as a substitute in a match)rimu: a New Zealand tree. The wood used to be used for building and flooring, but like all native NZ trees, it was over-logged. Older houses, though, often have rimu floors, and they’re beautiful.Rippa: junior rugbyroot: have sex (you DON’T root for a team!)ropeable: very angryropey: off, damaged (“a bit ropey”)rort: ripoffrough as guts: uncouthrubbish bin: garbage canrugby boots: rugby shoes with spikes (sprigs)Rugby Championship: Contest played each year in the Southern Hemisphere by the national teams of NZ, Australia, South Africa, and ArgentinaRugby World Cup, RWC: World championship, played every four years amongst the top 20 teams in the worldrugged up: dressed warmlyruru: native owlSafa: South Africa. Abbreviation only used in NZ.sammie: sandwichscoff, scoffing: eating, like “snarfing”selectors: team of 3 (the head coach is one) who choose players for the All Blacks squad, for every seriesserviette: napkinshag: have sex with. A little rude, but not too bad.shattered: exhaustedsheds: locker room (rugby)she’ll be right: See “no worries.” Everything will work out. The other Kiwi mantra.shift house: move (house)shonky: shady (person). “a bit shonky”shout, your shout, my shout, shout somebody a coffee: buy a round, treat somebodysickie, throw a sickie: call in sicksin bin: players sitting out 10-minute penalty in rugby (or, in the case of a red card, the rest of the game).sink the boot in: kick you when you’re downskint: broke (poor)skipper: (team) captain. Also called “the Skip.”slag off: speak disparagingly of; disrespectsmack: spank. Smacking kids is illegal in NZ.smoko: coffee breaksnog: kiss; make out withsorted: taken care ofspa, spa pool: hot tubsparrow fart: the crack of dawnspeedo: Not the swimsuit! Speedometer. (the swimsuit is called a budgie smuggler—a budgie is a parakeet, LOL.)spew: vomitspit the dummy: have a tantrum. (A dummy is a pacifier)sportsman: athletesporty: liking sportsspot on: absolutely correct. “That’s spot on. You’re spot on.”Springboks, Boks: South African national rugby teamsquiz: look. “I was just having a squiz round.” “Giz a squiz”: Give me a look at that.stickybeak: nosy person, busybodystonkered: drunk—a bit stonkered—or exhaustedstoush: bar fight, fightstraight away: right awaystrength of it: the truth, the facts. “What’s the strength of that?” = “What’s the true story on that?”stroppy: prickly, taking offense easilystuffed up: messed upSuper 15: Top rugby competition: five teams each from NZ, Australia, South Africa. The New Zealand Super 15 teams are, from north to south: Blues (Auckland), Chiefs (Waikato/Hamilton), Hurricanes (Wellington), Crusaders (Canterbury/Christchurch), Highlanders (Otago/Dunedin).supporter: fan (Do NOT say “root for.” “To root” is to have (rude) sex!)suss out: figure outsweet: dessertsweet as: great. (also: choice as, angry as, lame as … Meaning “very” whatever. “Mum was angry as that we scoffed all the pudding before tea with Nana.”)takahe: ground-dwelling native bird. Like a giant parrot.takeaway: takeout (food)tall poppy: arrogant person who puts himself forward or sets himself above others. It is every Kiwi’s duty to cut down tall poppies, a job they undertake enthusiastically.Tangata Whenua: Maori (people of the land)tapu: sacred (Maori)Te Papa: the National Museum, in Wellingtontea: dinner (casual meal at home)tea towel: dishtoweltest match: international rugby match (e.g., an All Blacks game)throw a wobbly: have a tantrumtick off: cross off (tick off a list)ticker: heart. “The boys showed a lot of ticker out there today.”togs: swimsuit (male or female)torch: flashlighttouch wood: knock on wood (for luck)track: trailtrainers: athletic shoestramping: hikingtranstasman: Australia/New Zealand (the Bledisloe Cup is a transtasman rivalry)trolley: shopping carttucker: foodtui: Native birdturn to custard: go south, deteriorateturps, go on the turps: get drunkUni: University—or school uniformup the duff: pregnant. A bit vulgar (like “knocked up”)ute: pickup or SUVvet: check outwaiata: Maori songwairua: spirit, soul (Maori). Very important concept.waka: canoe (Maori)Wallabies: Australian national rugby teamWarrant of Fitness: certificate of a car’s fitness to drivewedding tackle: the family jewels; a man’s genitalsWeet-Bix: ubiquitous breakfast cerealwhaddarya?: I am dubious about your masculinity (meaning “Whaddarya … pussy?”)whakapapa: genealogy (Maori). A critical concept.whanau: family (Maori). Big whanau: extended family. Small whanau: nuclear family.wheelie bin: rubbish bin (garbage can) with wheels.whinge: whine. Contemptuous! Kiwis dislike whingeing. Harden up!White Ribbon: campaign against domestic violencewind up: upset (perhaps purposefully). “Their comments were bound to wind him up.”wing: rugby position (back)Yank: American. Not pejorative.yellow card: A penalty for dangerous play that sends a player off for 10 minutes to the sin bin. The team plays with 14 men during that time—or even 13, if two are sinbinned.yonks: ages. “It’s been going on for yonks.”

This was my safety briefing on my most recent Air New Zealand flight. And by the way, when you get to the airport in Wellington and are taxiing to the terminal, the sign doesn’t say “Welcome to Wellington.” It says, “Welcome to the Middle of Middle-Earth.” Yep, it really does.

I was recently asked to write a blog post for a New Zealand audience about how I managed to “capture” the NZ character, culture, and speech. I don’t know how to write that blog post, because I don’t know the answer, other than that I spent 15 wonderful months in New Zealand and talked to a lot of people. And that if I did capture those things, I’m thrilled to hear it.

Here’s the post I did write. Here’s what I love about New Zealand.

1) The Tall Poppy thing. Where I grew up (hint: rural!), bragging about yourself was considered obnoxious. But U.S. popular culture is increasingly full of that. Randy Moss announced before the Super Bowl that he was the greatest wide receiver ever to play the game. Yes, that remark was met with derision (he isn’t), but the fact that he’d even say it is illustrative. Can you imagine an All Black calling himself the “greatest ever”? They go out of their way NOT to say that. That Flight of the Conchords self-deprecating humor: love it!

2) Behaving well. Especially amazing: the high standard of behavior to which NZ sportsmen and sportswomen are held, and the outrage when they behave badly. U.S. athletes will tell you that they aren’t role models—and trust me, with some exceptions, they aren’t! I’ve found the least attractive quality I can show in New Zealand is arrogance, the attitude that “I’ve got a problem, and it’s your job to fix it RIGHT NOW.” You’re polite! And it’s wonderful.

3) Safety and quality of life. Yes, I know that there’s more crime and social unrest in New Zealand than is evident in my books. Still, it always makes me chuckle to hear Kiwis (or Aussies) complain about things like public transit, crime, litter, etc. It is just so much NICER where you live. In the U.S., for example, public toilets, especially lovely, clean ones like you have (with showers at the beach, too!), are virtually nonexistent. That might seem like a frivolous issue–until you need one.

4) Being responsible for yourself. The simple fact that you can’t sue for personal injury changes everything. The first time I swam at Mission Bay, I kept looking around for the markers that would show me where I could go. It took me the whole swim to realize that there weren’t any! It was up to me to keep myself safe.

5) The “she’ll be right” thing. A B&B operator was talking to me about Americans. She described them coming into the main house all worried, saying, “There are no forks! What should I do?” And her bemused response, “Well, you can ask me, and I’ll give you one.”

6) Work/Life balance. We don’t have it and you do. When I was working at a, you know, JOB, I expected to put in a good 60 hours a week. My husband still does. Everyone has such a good time when they come to Australia or New Zealand to work! The idea that you can take the weekend off—believe me, that’s novel.

7) Maori culture is cool.

8) It’s pretty. And the All Blacks are good looking, and wear tight jerseys and short shorts. What can I say. It’s true.

Many Australians aren’t as enthused about New Zealand as you might think. When I was living in Brisbane and told friends there we’d be in New Zealand next, they were, yes, sorry for me! They think it’s, what’s that word? Oh, yeah. Boring.

This is actually a pretty good travel guide from AA New Zealand (Automobile Association, not Alcoholics Anonymous!), even if one’s travel is of the armchair variety.

I haven’t done all the most popular must-dos on the list, but have done a bunch of them, and they were all, without exception, fantastic! And now I have a list of all the many MORE things I want to do.

This is their actual company video! Kiwi humor at its finest. And a great company to tour with. Kahu Kayaks in Abel Tasman National Park. Kayak with the fur seals and dolphins. We were there at Christmas–early summer–when the pups were just born. They bark and whine just like puppies.