6.28.2006

A couple of days ago I noticed they'd put up a billboard at the Barton St / Dexter St intersection. The message: No Soliciting. Meaning "JOHNS GO HOME!". Now all you Blackstone Valley Girls know that there's a long-held tradition of hookering at the Central Falls / Pawtucket city line. The Barton Street Community wants you to know that they're fed up and the cops will bust your soliciting ass.

I love that they put up a billboard.

Also at that intersection (aside from a crummy, tacky little flea market) is Panal Chicken. There is nothing there that is not unhealthy and delicious. The empanadas are a dollar apiece and so so good. Deep-fried perfection. And when you order arroz con pollo, they totally mound it up in one of those styrofoam clamshells. Hot, greasy goodness.

Luke Allen's off the DL and when I saw him Monday, he went 4-6. Looked pretty good. I still see him striking out a lot, but he'll crush mistakes. He sort of looks like an oversized toddler what with his pudgy physique and baby face. I like making fun of him! Four eyes!

Corky Miller gets half the playing time as Huck. I cannot see how Corkscrew can be any worse. Get him back there!

Trent Durrington plays every single position, which is sort of useful. I guess. His average is like .204, though. I say we kill him.

I made the lineup on the Windows "Paint" feature. It's so easy, even a caveman could do it!I also tried to scan my scorecard, but it didn't work.

Kyle Snyder started this game and did a pretty good job. (6 innings, 2K, 1BB, 5H, 1ER )Craig "molecular biochemistry" Breslow had a hand in the ruining of everything when he gave up 4 runs in the 7th inning. I'm not going to dump on him too much because generally, he does a good job.Barry Hertzler gave up another run in later innings, but the worst offender of the evening was Jermaine "Jermanie" Van Buren. There he was, trying to nail it down in the ninth... and Tracy goes yard with a runner on and one out.

I am SO tired of seeing Van Blow-Me in the 8th and 9th. He just walks too many runners. No mas! Use him MAYBE for long relief or mop-up or something.

Miscellaneous bullpen guys came in and filled out the remaining 3 innings.

John Stephens started for Ottawa and remember him? He was that Australian guy from last year or the year before. What a wealth of knowledge I am! Stephens matched Snyder's performance, giving up 2 ER in six. Then this Winston Abreu guy comes in and he's one of those little scrawny guys who can inexplicably throw the ball like 98 MPH. You know what I'm talking about?

Eddy Rodriguez in the 8th was a good friend of Pawtucket's, giving up 5 runs without getting ONE OUT! And here's the thing: the Ottawa bullpen looked like crap and Pawtucket should have won this game. GUH.

Offensively, Pawtucket put a hurt on the Lynx in the 8th. I would like to note that Ken Huckaby actually got on base in the 5th and even made it home. He must have been completely bewildered when he was standing on third base, since I doubt he's ever seen it before. Lynx catcher B. Marsters was charged with 3 passed balls in that inning, which led to 2 Pawtucket runs. You should have seen how mad he was!

Ottawa's Marsters atoned for his PB's in the 12th by doubling in the winning run offa B. Baker.

Two things:1. Like to take a second to recognize Dustin Pedroia. He's a slick little infielder... know how you kind of hold your breath a little when the SS runs down an infield hit? Pedroia seems to get it every time, and then zip it over to first for the out. Brilliant. Gives a good 6-4-3 also.2. Eddy Garabito, Lynx leadoff guy, got ejected in the 10th for the usual.3. Timmy Kester's on the Lynx! Awww! I miss you, Chandler Bing!4. Enrique Wilson chugging along the third-to-home basepath at full speed... really, you have to see it. I read on an autograph hound's web page that he's a wicked nice guy. Glad to hear it.5. Dirty Liarhead Pitchers: Tim Bausher is listed at 6'4", 200. Marc Deschenes is listed at 6', 200. Okay. Bausher may be 6'4", but he's got some junk in his trunk and is likely closer to 215-218. Or more. And Deschenes is maybe 5'10", 5' 11". I'm onto you guys.6. YEAH PEDRO!!!!!!

I couldn't come up with a sufficient title for this post. I just looked to my left and saw my shoes... so 'shoes' it is.

I fired up the radio at work so I could hear Pedro. I got a little emotional, I can't lie. But were you not transfixed? I miss him so bad.

One of the highlights for me was Pedro's impression of John Henry. Genius. And talking about pouring water on Jon Miller to "wash away" his negativity... and then wishing he'd gotten Shaughnessy extra-specially soaked. I can't go on.

Tom pointed out that the Pawtucket Red Sox were not a team to follow and root for, but a team to be enjoyed as a singular baseball experience. He said the only reason I go is because they're so close to my house and it's cheap and easy, not because I actually enjoy them as a team.

I was at first indignant. I do enjoy myself when I go to the park. And I think the PawSox could be a team you could root for.

But then I realized he was mostly right: I have groused before and at great length about the artificiality of the Pawtucket Red Sox as a competitive team. The fluctuant roster, the development of a pitcher over a pitcher winning a game, the prevelance of rotting meat in the lineup. Enrique Wilson, Ken Huckaby, Trent Durrington, Jimmy Serrano. And so on.

On the other hand, the PawSox seem a little flat this year. Was last year's team more interesting? I think so. Do I have a groovy time at every game I go to? Hell, no. A lot of the games I attend are lackluster. And, yeah, it is more fun when I go with a few other people and get the Hee-Seop love going. But Lima's not coming to town every other Thursday, now is he?

Tom, you're mostly right. OKAY?!

K, that being said, I'll be at the park tonight. Maybe something cool will happen. Bye!

That cracked it. Does the vodka martini induce disaster? Or does disaster induce the vodka martini? It had been a singular night. She behaved like a woman with a claim, as if we had already explored deep secrets. Her possessive babbly perplexed and irritated me, but she wanted to come home. I tuned her out and brought her along... "

If you guessed that these were some of the opening words to a book "written" by a baseball player, ding ding ding! It's from The Way It Is, Curt Flood's book. A little grandiose for a meathead, n'est ce pas? Sure, you can blame the ghost of Richard Carter, but maybe Curt Flood is one of those chaps that actually talks that way.

6.25.2006

I know I'm bored this morning because I just applied for membership to a Pittsburgh Pirates message board. I certainly hope I have the qualifications to be accepted. Because I don't want to live in a world where I don't.

6.24.2006

First and foremost, I need to apologize to Marc Deschenes. It was not my intent to imply that he intentionally distracted me by being hot with a radar gun. I blame myself for being highly unprofessional and for being somewhat creepy with the binoculars. I don't want to talk about it anymore, actually.

Abe Alvarez SUCKED last night. And of course, no one's getting any hits in Pawtucket. Especially when JB's not in the lineup.

Around six, when I got to the park, the rain was pretty solid. I saw one of my favorite green flies and he said he doubted the game'd be played. But at around 6:45 I was shaking off my Love-brella and admiring the rainbow in foul territory. Not a bad night for a ball game, but the park was not quite full. We were in Calloway's house and we showered him with love until he threw me a ball. Of course, I didn't use both hands so it just kind of smacked off my palm and landed in the lap of an undeserving chap a few seats over. That's what I get for leaving my GLOVE in the CAR! I LOVE YOU, RON!!

The anniversary ceremonies were simple and dignified and not marred by long-winded speeches. Nice work, guys. A little awkward when Boggs skipped over to third base and made like he was fielding grounders.

I wasn't really working last night... it was a social-type occasion so I just drank beer and had a good time. I'll be at the park tomorrow working very diligently. Yes, I said working. This is almost like having a second job, sometimes.

6.22.2006

I'm not happy with the way tonight turned out and I'm not talking about the losing the game part.

Marc Deschenes was sitting right next to me. And when I say "right next to me", what I mean is several sections away. At any rate, he was looking so fine that I could not stop gazing at him through my binoculars. Pauley was hucking balls all over the place and not getting any outs and I was just transfixed by Deschenes holding a radar gun while wearing an ugly shirt.

The whole evening quickly became pointless and I left early. I blame Deschenes for all this. Last year he was so uninteresting. This year.... damn it. I should be impervious.

Just found out that Pedro is definitely going to pitch against the Red Sox. I think my head just exploded. I'm furiously debating on whether or not to go to this game. Probably... not. I have a game coming up mid-July and that's too much Fenway right there. I live in Rhode Island, people.

Did you guys ever have dreams about Pedro? I know I'm not alone in dreaming about major league baseball players.

He needs to win. I wouldn't mind an ass-drill or two, either. Kevin Youkilis seriously has it coming.

And congratulations, Boston Red Sox. You just swept the Expos. Bully for you.

And, whoa, the drama! Brockton called in some ineffective inbred kid to close out a 4-2 game and he just... couldn't... do... it. Send hate mail to Jon Koch, RHP, Brockton.

Know what? I'm into it! Sometimes you go to these minor league games and it gets a little amateurish. But these guys are pretty good. I'm impressed. Word on the street is that there'll soon be a team in Plymouth called the Plymouth River Eels. Got that? And it looks like it'll be an addition to the Can-Am League. So all you Plymouth kids... baseball soon!

The Spirit plays at Fraser Field in Lynn, MA, which has been described as "the worst" (see below). When I head about the trailers, I was expecting rusted tin-traps with wobbly hitches. The trailers actually look quite nice and would not be out of place at one of your better community colleges. The stadium itself is a little tawdry, but there's lots of space around to meander and a playground for the kiddies. The beer selection is awful, though, and I swear on everything I will never again attempt to drink a Miller Lite.

Some kid was sitting in my seat when I arrived and when I pointed this out, his mother stood up all flustered and started telling me they HAD to sit there because her daughter had lupus. Which... you know, hey, I'm sorry about that. But just don't. It makes everyone look bad.

One of the guys on the Rox, Eugene "Gino" Julien, is actually a resident of Brockton. I love this guy. He probably went to an open tryout and landed an infield position. How can you not love that?

I forgot to tell you that when I went to Campanelli Stadium for that 10:30 a.m. game, it was sold out completely. I had underestimated the popularity of the Rox. They're doing extremely well in that respect. Performance-wise, they're not playing well, but they're a draw.

BJ Weed played center for the Spirit. Uh huh huh huh.

I swung by Revere Beach on the way home. Revere Beach is the one Massachusetts thing I think is cool. I'm jealous. And where have I been that it costs three bux to cross the bridge? I almost didn't have enough money! I felt so stupid!

I'll be in Pawtucket tonight as I mentioned before. It's supposed to be pretty wild.

6.21.2006

I got to come home early, so here I am. I'm heading up to Lynn, MA for a North Shore Spirit game. Yes, I am gonna plow through mid-Boston I-93 traffic. WHAT?! I wanna go! I almost went to a Tornados game instead but I was disheartened by their ballpark dimensions. It's 375' to center and that's just so small... I mean, come on. I have been there before but I guess I didn't realize.

OH! Apparantly Peter Gammons reported that a former North Shore player described the park as being the worst in the US. He said they didn't have a clubhouse, just 3 or 4 trailers parked out back. Okay! Can't wait!

One more example of why McCoy Stadium is wonderful: I went there earlier to buy a ticket and when I was offered a choice of seating, I asked the ticketeer who was pitching. She actually made a quick phone call to find out for me so I could decide which section I wanted. I like the third base side usually, but if a lefty's pitching (like Alvarez), I sometimes like the first base side so I can get a better look. That kind of service is remarkable.

So Can-Am tonight and tomorrow Pauley. Then Friday's the big anniversary shindig. I'm so excited. I can't wait to meet you there.

6.18.2006

Okay. As you know, and as Force puts it, I have a "thing" for Mike Lowell. I do. I dug him on the Marlins and I love him in Boston. So I'll tell you this. I searched on line for a back issue of People En Español because Mike Lowell was named one of Los 50 Mas Bellos. I found one, ordered it... and it was the wrong year. Whoops, my bass!

I got the one from '06. So today I looked and found the one from '05. I can't wait to get it in the mail. You cannot tell ANYONE about this.

LOVE ML for hitting a double as a PH tonight in Atlanta while maintaining a casually handsome expression. But I feel SO bad for the Braves, a team I used to couldn't stand (ya). Awwww. I'm glad Edgar's doing better... I wanted so badly for him to do well in Boston.

Pawtucket played the Richmond Braves today and won in 17 (!) innings. I hope the fans stayed hydrated, else they probably looked like jerky by the final out. And 'member Richmond's Scott Thorman? I said he was big and burly and cute and could hit? He's playing his first MLB game today in Atlanta. He looks smokin'.

I'm going away for a few days. Please entertain yourself with the following:

Normally, this is something I'd footnote, but I have to mention that as soon as I sat down, I noticed David McCarty sitting right in front of me on the field holding a microphone. I was way more excited about this than I was about Gabe Kapler rehabbing in right field. Because, let's face it, Gabe Kapler cannot pitch.

I remember going to Red Sox opening day in '04. They were playing Toronto and losing. Of course. Things were getting pretty hairy towards the end and David McCarty came in to pitch, which delighted my sisters and I. So much so that the old Boston grouch sitting in front of us turned around and asked, "Why you so big on that guy?"

Later that year in Baltimore, Derek Lowe was removing his socks in the bullpen and ranting and raving to D. Wallace about his roster exclusion. Pedro was also inexplicably hanging out in the bullpen, messing with a fungo bat. And the Orioles game was crammed with second stringers, including one Mister McCarty, who stopped singing "Danny Boy" long enough to pitch a pair. Again, the sisters were delighted at the neat eggrolling of a season.

Yeah, so, back in Pawtucket, McCarty was doing commentary or something. No Big Team last night meant NESN coverage of the Pawtucket Peasants. And, whoa, it was Seat Cushion Night! Hotchka!

Marc Deschenes started this game. He is totally falling in love with me. He was uncharacteristically erratic, giving up 7 hits and 3 runs over 5. He also walked 3 guys. Don't you think that normally, his stuff is electric? In fact, you MIGHT say he is an electrician! You MIGHT even say he does his own wiring, at home AND at work!

Ricardo Rodriguez started for the Braves. Dude, you know your starter's got nothing when Corky Freaking Miller is 2 for 4 against him. And Enrique Wilson grannied. Come on.

I felt like I was holding my breath any time Gabe Kapler was not standing perfectly still. I kept waiting for his ankle to wrench out and send him tumbling. It just seems way too early for him to be running like that. I don't like it one bit. And I know the ladies like Gabe... I get it, I really do. I like him, too, but not because of his sculpted, glistening torso. I like his warm, gentle, nurturing ways. I like him in glasses, trying to look smart. And I like him UNINJURED.

Earlier this week I commented on Scott Thorman, Atlanta Braves infielder. I mentioned that he was hot or something. I can't believe I forgot to tell you the most important thing. He totally mashes. I think he got about 8 hits last night in 5 at bats. You see a guy like that and you think, wow, he's gonna BE somebody someday! But it doesn't work that way, does it? Two words: Phil Plantier.

I'm gonna stop right about now. Four games and out, eh, Pawtucket? See you in ten days. But not you, Luke Allen.

6.11.2006

I knew it. I knew it right away. I was getting a coffee this morning at a coffee-type establishment ( not the pink and orange one ) and their radio was playing "Bittersweet Symphony". And I said to myself, great, now THIS is gonna be in my head all day.

So over twelve hours later I can't stop hearing that insipid violin riff in my head... and I can't help but think, doesn't this always happen, and ALWAYS with this song?

My sister and I play this game... I'll call and sing a lame mid- to late-nineties song on her voice mail one day, and another day she'll sing a song on my machine. The object is to get the sister to have a shitty song stuck in her head all day.

Remember this one?And I don't think I have ever seena soul so in despair...

Yeah. Thanks, Lucky. It's all about the workplace!

Thanks also to Nelly for a) calling it and b) getting me a chair so I could stand on it and hold the telephone up to the loudspeaker in the middle of the store so Lucky could hear it.

6.09.2006

It turns out I was sitting right over the Pawtucket dugout. Which would have been swell, but it was Bat Night at McCoy and every kid in the park was right in front of me, dangling their bat over the side for an autograph. Bastard kids!

Wouldn't you know it, Jimmy Serrano started tonight. Every freaking time! But, oh! Seven shutout innings! 7 K's and one walk!Barry "EP" Hertzler was The Lucky Reliever. Jermaine Van Buren threw the ball in the general direction of home plate, walked half the park, and gave up the tying run.

Kevin Barry started for the Braves. One run over 6 2/3 innings. Sometime major leaguer Wayne Franklin took over for a few outs, then tall cool woman Manny Acosta couldn't stop the rain in the tenth.

You know what the best part was? Enrique Wilson doubling in Jeff Bailey from second to score Pawtucket's first run. You should have seen the look of childish wonder as he stood on second base!

Trent "Thundah" Durrington singled in D-Murph in the tenth for the dub. I never knew he had it in him! I was kind of anticipating a strikeout!

Hairballs:1. 'member Cesar Crespo? He was fun in Pawtucket but wretched in Boston. He's quite the little fielder. And he wears glasses now. It's kind of cute.2. You have to see this Richmond guy, Scott Thorman. He's big, strong, Canadian, and so, so hot. He looks like a complete a-hole, but damn.

3. The Braves have a pitcher named Will Startup. Are you kidding me? That HAS to be a fake name!4. Michael Ryan's on the R-Braves, too. I like that guy. I'm a closet Twins fan.

As a seamhead, I have conflicted feelings about rain. While I understand that rain is essential and beautiful and circle of life, it fucks with my shit when I'm jonesing for a home game. As I am today. It's only a four game homestand... help me out, here.

The last time I bought tickets, the salesperson said there were no box seats available for the entire month of June. The salesperson made an error.

By the way, have you ever been trying to look up information about a baseball player and somehow stumbled across something very personal about them? It's both exhilerating and shameful.

On the bakery tip (I love bakeries)... if you love shortbread like I love shortbread, you know that most bakeries don't touch it. Bachini's in Pawtucket has all kinds. Today they were featuring white chocolate shortbread. Git U Sum!!

Ever have one of those baseball zen moments? You know... mild beer buzz, sharp green infield, and an exquisite sense of well-being and perfection?

I had my second such moment last night in Nashua, New Hampshire at a Pride / Rox game. Baseball in New Hampshire seems so incongruous and impossible. Kind of like Pawtucket, right? But anyway, the park there (Historic Holman Stadium) is teeny-tiny and stoney gray. One concession stand, one ladies' room, one mini-souvenir shop. But the best part is the long pines that circle the park... when the lights go up, they look so shadowy and patient. Gorgeous.

As I was driving up through Massachusetts, it was so wet and miserable that I very nearly turned around... I didn't see any way a ball game could be played. But right near the New Hampshire line, everything lightened up and it was good to go. Sweet double header action! (Two sevens.)

Believe me: nobody but NOBODY was at that game last night. No wonder they seemed so amused when I called ahead and bought my ticket over the phone. It was so quiet and intimate... I heard all the infield smack, the manager's encouraging words, the ball and strike calls, the bitching, the clatter and crash of a pissed off pitcher throwing shit in the dugout, all of it.

When the first game started, there were maybe 20 people in the stands. I was surprised to see that Butch Hobson was the manager of the Pride. Okay! He still looks athletic and handsome and like a swaggering asshole. His most frequent managerial tactic was yelling, "Fuck 'em!" from the third base box. The Pride won that one, but it was way taut... scoreless through the bottom of the seventh. One run batted in with two outs made it 1-0, Pride. Go, team, go.

Before game two started, the audience (such as it was) was treated to a LIVE! musical performance by the incomparable William Hung. Maybe the less said about that the better? I wonder how he felt about this gig? Neither the sparse crowd nor the soft rain seemed to dampen his limitless enthusiasm. He banged, baby.

The Brockton Rox took game 2 10-4. They led the game off with three batters, three perfect little bunts to load the bases. Nashua seemed kind of baffled by this. The Rox, who are adorable, were tickled by the effectiveness of their bunt-fest. Their manager, Chris Miyake, has a largish chin but is kind of hot and stuff. Shut up! He got kicked out for a ball/strike gripe. It was the first time I'd heard such a rant in crystal-clear Memorex. So dramatic.

At one point, Nashua threw this reliever out there... I swear, he was someone's dad they dragged out of a Bud bar somewhere. Worst pitcher I've ever seen.

6.08.2006

Okay, I'm going up to Nashua, New Hampshire for a Can-Am League double header. (Nashua Pride v. Brockton Rox). Am I reading this right? William Hung is going to be there? And "Bullpen Karaoke"? I certainly hope that doesn't mean the relievers perform between innings.

Speaking of "Pride", June's Pride month. So if you're gay, gayish, gay-like, gay friendly, pseudo-gay, have gay friends, have gay family, are curious, or just like to have fun... do something nice! Attend a parade or something!

Sammy:: Maw!Vicky:: I’m right here, son.Sammy:: Ma, I have to tell you some... thing. I am a homo... sexual.Vicky:: Oh... Christ. Is there a support group that I can join to help me come to terms with my own homophobia?Sammy:: Yes, there is a group which is named PFLAG. Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays.Vicky:: Oh... Oh, PFLAG. I’m beginning to like the sound of that.

6.07.2006

Marc Deschenes started this game. I don't get it. Sometimes he's a starter, sometimes a reliever. That's life when you play for those wacky PawSox! He did well, of course, pitching 5 scoreless innings and mesmerizing the opposition with his intense, ice-blue eyes.

Big Baush got the win in spite of giving up three runs. Cause guess why? (ans. later on...)

Jason Roach started for the Indians. He pitched seven innings and gave up three runs. Pawtucket pitchers almost never pitch more than six innings.

Jeff Bailey hit a grand slam at the top of the ninth whilst pinch hitting for Corky Miller. Bailey just keeps getting better and better looking. Sometimes when he's playing first base I try and imagine what he'd look like with no shirt on. And that's how Mr. Messyball got the win! Yay Tim Bausher and such.

"Ryan Schroyer" pitched an inning for Pawtucket. I need to look this guy up. I'll let you know. Also, the Indians have an infielder named Gookie Dawkins.

I've actually been to Indianapolis. I remember... train tracks and fields of goldenrod and Willie Nelson helping me put air in my tire. But enough about me.

Pawtucket was just cruising through this game, 4-0 until the seventh, when starter Abe Alvarez gave up three runs. So Barry Hertzler of 1205 Maplewood Dr, E Providence, RI comes in to get the final out and instead gives up the tying run. Love ya, Bare!

And because THEO AND BEN DON'T CARE, they left Barry H. in... and he coughed up the winning run in the 8th. Because of course Pawtucket is not going to score any runs in the top of the ninth.

Hee-Seop Choi homered in this game, not that it mattered. And I'm sure if any PawSox fans were in the stands, they were gouging their eyes out with toga pins by game's end... and then they probably capped the evening off by pouring sulfuric acid on their genitals when they saw the rundown of the Boston / NY game. I'm angry on David Pauley's behalf!

In a couple of days, everybody's going to be back in Pawtucket for the Richmond Braves series. And if one of your most horrifying nightmares is swarms of children with Louisville Sluggers in hand, stay away from the park Friday night.

6.04.2006

6.02.2006

No, for reals, I was sitting there watching the rain collect on the tarp and listening to the announcer reassuring the fans that, yes, the game was going to be played... dude, the only thing being played was the audience. I gambled and left but I kind of knew they weren't getting this game in.

While everyone was waiting for the game to start / be called, I kept seeing Sea Dogs players around odd corners in various states of uniform. That's also a good sign the game's not gonna be played... the players have not even bothered to get fully dressed.

I just know the makeup day for this game is going to be July 4th or 5th, when I absolutely cannot go. And now I really want to.

There seems to be an awful lot of renewed, "artistic" interest in Pawtucket. I understand that they're trying to "revitalize" (I hate that word) Pawtucket's downtown... but it's mildly insulting when non-natives are slinking around, taking pictures and talking about "potential" in some of Pawtucket's "glorious old buildings".

Why should I care? Technically, I don't even live in Pawtucket. But I'm uneasy about the impending flossiness of the real estate down by the Mill. And the new kids are all, "Pawtucket's ugly... let's work together and change everything!"

I have a link to The Bucket Blog, which was the only Pawtucket-style blog I could find that didn't involve kittens. It's an informative and well-written outsider perspective on Pawtucket and all its flaws, problems, and soiled/sullied architecture. I can't say I align myself with the author's beliefs 100% of the time, though. It's usually not a good idea to insult an entire city's population, even if it is to make a point.

Look, I'm all for renovation and change... I'm not one of those farty purists who want everything to remain as it was during the Henry Ford Era. But come on. Pawtucket is, for the most part, a moderate to low-income city. Don't get too crazy downtown, Newbie.

And by the way, Woneffe, I've been taking the same photos for years now! Get your hands off my Feldman Furniture sign!