My Endless Memory

This recollection is something that I have very great remembrance
of. Almost every night, I have the same dream, from different
angles and of different outcomes as if each dream is being
directed by an individual director. But it consists of the same
thing. We met when I was very vulnerable and when my heart
consisted of mush and false adventurousness. Then from that
point, she and I gathered that there was some attraction between
us, but she fully understood that I was not seeking something
serious. This was in September, on the 22nd day if my memory is
as accurate as I hope it is at this age.

Almost a week later, I was invited to her home and lay in her bed
while she was getting dressed so that we could go out. I'm
laying there, and the sun is coming through the window, slicing
the television diagonally and I'm squinting just to make out the
moving pictures on the screen. I ask her if she could close the
blinds, but I did not turn my head to ask her. I only
asked
her. So she walks over to the window, and what I recall as a
very exciting and unexpected moment, closes it but she is bare
chested. Her breasts were beige and a good size for age;
obdurate and bold. She said nothing, did what I had asked, and
continued to get dressed (I say continued, but it's difficult to
even say that considering that she appeared to be in the act of
getting
undressed).

That day went on as normal, nothing spectacular to recall. On to
the next eventful day; which was a Thursday, yes I remember the
day and if I tried hard enough could quite possibly recall the
time. We spent many hours together as we did everyday for the
past week, but this day, we conversed and spent perhaps too much
time together because before she or I could head outside, it was
dark.

"I have to go home, it's getting dark," she told me.

"Why can't you stay longer?"

"My mom."

"Just tell her that it's too dark for you to go home and that
you'll leave in the morning."

"Yeah but what about your mom? She's not gonna let a girl sleep
in your bed with you."

She smiled, I remember, and from that I knew that she was okay
with the idea. She went outside(it was a cold night)and called
her mom. I remained inside where it was warm and came across the
thought that this girl might actually stay the night with me. It
is very
salient
that I tell you that on this night, I was still a virgin. Yes,
still pure, but more than ready to become unlaundered. She came
back in and I am now sweating and realizing that by the smile on
her face, that our plan was coming to some sort of fruition.

I kissed her and assured her that my part of the plan would be as
smooth, if not smoother, than hers. I would tell my mother that
she was leaving, close our loud house door to assure that I was
the only one downstairs, then, I would reopen it as subtly as
possible and sneak this girl into my room.

"Are you sure? I don't want you getting in trouble," she
worried.

"I don't want you to leave babe," I confessed, "I want you to
sleep with me."

"Alright," she grabbed her things to prepare for the plan.

"Leave your shit there," I said with a tone as if she had never
heard my plan to begin with, "you're not
really
leaving."

"Oh," she smacked her forehead, "I forgot."

So I closed the door and my mother heard it and with that shouted
down the stairs to remind me to lock the screen door.

"I know," I told her.

I reopened the door, snuck my girl in, and locked the screen door
along with the loud door. We crept upstairs with the same light
feet that a predator has in the presence of his food. We entered
my room and she crashed down on my bed as if it belonged to
her.

"This is so exciting!" She squealed.

"Will you be quiet?"

"Oh right."

I landed on top of her and placed a kiss upon her lips and from
that moment knew that I would not wake up the same sexless man
that I was at the time. That I would insert myself into another
human being and she would enjoy it(I so hoped)and we would
solidify whatever
this
was. We waited awhile, talked and laughed about certain things
including the succession of the plan and about how we would
probably do it again considering how easy it was. After my
mother fell asleep, I shut the lights and placed my body on top
of hers without my shirt on, and with hers(I had not noticed)also
off. Our skin was so warm on each others; hers from excitement
and arousement; mine from the utter fear of disappointing her and
the anxiety of actually losing my virginity.

She felt my sweat on her body and I assume could tell that it was
not from my cool room.

"You okay?"

"Just nervous."

Our whispers slid along the crevices of our ears as we never
stopped engaging each other. I proceeded to undress her by
sitting up and sliding her thin pants from her body. Her legs
were long, so after the pants had come off, I took delicate
moments to kiss all the way down those model-like legs. My face
became warm when I reached the center of her thighs. I very well
could have reached the goal right then and there. I could have
pulled her underwear aside, prepared my mouth with moisture, and
dove in. But foreplay is essential and it pays off(I assure
you). I climbed back up her body, with my lips of course, and
ended with her mouth once again against mine. We continued this
as my hands felt everywhere and God I tell you that it was
heavenly.

I rubbed her breasts softly so not to harm her and with that she
dropped her head back. I moved lower and circled the most
sensitive spot on her breasts with my moist tongue. I remember
shaking so noticeably, and even with my greatest effort I could
not stop it. It was like we were committing this act out
somewhere in the snow. I could not stop shaking. So I separated
our bodies and just used my mouth to make contact with her. I
scaled down lower and lower, past her stomach, down to the
pinnacle. Her underwear were blue and smelled of sweet
somethings; I would say flowers but in my life, I have smelled
flowers and they do not smell
that
great. I pulled them off, but this time with my teeth, which by
the arch in her back I determined must have felt gratifying.