me and one of my closest friends fell out over her telling people things that i had told her in confidence while i was going through a psychologically unstable time in my life caused by the death of one of my close relatives and in the ensuing argument she tried to break me and my girlfriend up in an effort try to make me crack under the depression, now i go through times of being extremely fixated with her and the argument and i can't let go thinking about how i hurt her, it gives me a rush and i enjoy the feeling but soon after my mood changes and i feel sick at myself for some of the thoughts i have about revenge. i have been going through this cycle for almost three years now