Why I Send My Kids to Day School

Why is someone like me, staunchly Reform and secular, sending my kids to an Orthodox Jewish day school?

For years I had dreamed of the moment. I was helping my seven-year-old, Joshua with his second-grade homework, and, together, we read and translated the Hebrew words from his Chumash.

Both Josh and I only started learning Hebrew about a year ago, and the dream that came true last night was not only mine but one of his too.

Ever since we started attending synagogue on a regular basis, Josh has been fascinated with "reading from the Torah." And ever since some relatives gave him a paper replica of a Torah-scroll, my son has longed to be able to read it.

As a surprise, when his homework was done, I brought him the scroll, rolled it to the verses we had been studying, and asked him to read from it and translate what he had read. He did, and with such excitement he could barely contain himself. As a parent, I felt his joy vicariously ― and, I think, even more intensely.

Learning Proper Behavior

My daughter Eliana, in kindergarten, is in many ways already ahead of me. She reported to my wife and me that she had learned in school about the mitzvah of hashavat aveidah ― she was kind enough to translate the term for us ("returning lost objects" to their owners).

She's learning not only mitzvoth but middot (proper behavior) from each weekly Torah portion, things like the importance of being thankful, respecting one's parents, etc. ― in general, precisely the kind of values that we do teach at home, but which need reinforcing at school. The kind that we can only wish our public schools can teach.

My kids learn at school the kind of values that we do teach at home, but which need constant reinforcing.

And, for both of them, reading Hebrew is as easy as reading English. And why shouldn't it be? They were taught a "B" and a "Bet" at the same time. A new letter is a new letter, and, at that young age, everything is new. In one year, my son, academically average, learned four alphabets (upper and lower case English, Hebrew block, and Hebrew script) without problem and now reads them all just as well as any average seven-year-old can read English.

So what is someone like me, a person who, for most of his life, has wavered between being staunchly Reform, and staunchly secular/ethnic Jew, doing sending my kids to an Orthodox Jewish day school?

Well, for one, I am determined that they get the Jewish education I never received. Secondly, I am determined that they learn values and ethics that they won't likely learn in a public school. Thirdly, I am determined that they not get "burned out" on Judaism by having to spend precious play time in a Sunday school or in an after-school Hebrew program.

Deprived?

Many of my friends and relatives wonder if my kids are being deprived of a "multi-cultural" consciousness, and if, as they get older, they will be able to "fit in" to the larger American society. My answer to them is quite simple: hey, if you live in America, you are exposed to American culture, whether you like it or not. My children hardly lead insulated lives; they learned to skateboard from the Catholic kid next door. My son's into The Phantom Menace, my daughter into Toy Story (I and II), and both are avid fans of A Bug's Life, among other contemporary offerings.

But any loss born of lack of exposure to all that American society has to offer (much of it, in any event, hardly healthful) is more than outweighed in my mind with what my children have to gain from receiving a strong Jewish education.

I often think about how many Jewish adults today feel reluctant to go to a synagogue because of the hard time they have figuring out what's going on. Until two years ago, that huge group included me (and I still get lost occasionally!).

I never once visited the Hillel at my college, because I feared that my lack of Jewish knowledge would be exposed.

One of the reasons I never once visited the Hillel at my college was that I feared my lack of Jewish knowledge would be exposed. That four-year separation from my Jewish religious heritage all too easily stretched into 10 years, and I was ever-so-close to dropping out of Jewish identity completely.

I don't want that to happen to my kids. No way.

An extra bonus of my children's Jewish education is that, by playing my parent's role as homework-helper, I myself am getting the Jewish education I never had. In two years Joshua will be reading Mishna in the original Hebrew ― and I hope I will be doing the same.

Learning Ethics

And then there are the ethics. Even if responsible Jewish parents teach their children the Jewish way ― that "returning lost objects" is a mitzvah, that "lashon hara", even truthful hurtful speech, is a sin ― how great can their influence be when their kids spend most of their waking hours at school, where the ethical model considers "finders keepers" and "dissing" an acceptable social convention?

Josh is blessed, moreover, with a fabulous Jewish studies teacher. This young dynamic, enthusiastic "rebbe" thinks nothing of standing on top of his desk to make a point, or pacing off 300 "arm-breadths" at recess to demonstrate how long Noah's ark was. He pointedly plays with the kids during recess in order to use the playground to inculcate Jewish ethics and values in his charges. It's all part of the Jewish educational process, he says.

And as far as the school's secular studies are concerned, not only did my careful comparison with the public school curriculum show them to be right on grade level but the yeshiva high school into which the day school "feeds" offers a broad assortment of impressive advanced placement secular studies courses.

I now understand why Jewish day school graduates seem to succeed in such high proportions in higher secular education.

Some of my friends chide me for my educational choice, and claim that they send their own children to public schools in order to "support public education." But my tax dollars support public education as much as theirs do. As a matter of fact, since I'm not utilizing the public school system's services, my support of the system is arguably even greater.

I would never sacrifice the best interests of my children in order to make a political statement.

The point, in the end, though, is moot. I would never sacrifice what I consider the best interests of my children in order to make a political statement ― and doubt that my friends would either. They just don't realize how much a Jewish education could benefit their kids.

Why so many Jews think that Jewish day school is only for the Orthodox is beyond me. If Jews care so much about "informed choice," isn't providing their young with a Jewish education the best way to keep them informed, to be in a position to make rational choices about their Jewish futures?

As the wife of a local Conservative Rabbi put it at a board meeting, if we want our kids to be seriously knowledgeable about their Jewish heritage, they have to at very least be able to read Jewish texts in their original language, because all translation is interpretation. And in any event, well over 90% of the important Jewish texts have never even been translated out of Hebrew.

Where I live, in Northern Virginia, it seems that almost every Orthodox child attends a Jewish day school, but no more than 5% of children from Conservative families, and only a handful of children from Reform backgrounds.

What is interesting, though, is that the overwhelming majority of local rabbis ― and that includes the two Orthodox rabbis, and many more Conservative and Reform rabbis, even the rabbi of a non-denominational gay and lesbian synagogue ― do send their children to Day School.

Related Articles:

About the Author

Eric Simon, who served as a UAHC Regional Board member and as a member of the Executive Committee of the UAHC Commission on Synagogue Affiliation, is currently active in Jewish outreach and educational activities in Northern Virginia.

Visitor Comments: 31

(31)
Anonymous,
June 27, 2010 8:22 PM

Do I need to apologize for the harshness

The truth if too harsh. Maybe I should have just said
some of the teachers should brush up on their skills. One thing is for sure, the parents in Jewish Day Schools often tell me they are not free to speak openly. Things improve slowly when folks cannot
have free speech. How un Jewish is that!!

(30)
Anonymous,
June 27, 2010 8:17 PM

Very Important Issue W Many Concerns

I've met too many families where money is the reason that kids can't go to Jewish Day School.
That is one our issues. The second issue it that our
daughter needs a better secular education than what
is here in Florida JD schools. It's a shame so many families here
accept mediocrity.

(29)
Anonymous,
June 28, 2008 12:10 AM

Day School is not AD/HD friendly - moving on!

I agree with an earlier poster that day schools are emphatically not set up to deal with a Jewish special needs child - even if the special needs are fairly mild. After years of trying to advocate for my bright child, we are giving up and moving onto public school. He has been stigmatized and labeled since kindergarten - and teachers are often clueless on how to help a child with AD/HD. We give up!

(28)
Anonymous,
November 21, 2005 12:00 AM

Day school is very hard on some children academically, and can have an inverse affect on their Jewish religious identiy.

I am continuously advocating, battling for appropriate educational approaches for a son who has been in day school all his life, has mild differences in learning style, but not outright dissability, and it never ends. The day school teacher is typically not as professionally competent, experienced, aware of modifications or other teaching techniques, or willing to use them. If you have good teachers one year, the next year can be a disaster. Administrators are well meaning but often inneffective. I took one son out after a rebbe just about made him want to stop being religious, and I am feeling the same way myself after years of this battle. I wish my son was not in day school at this point, I am in so much struggle. The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that eventually he will graduate, and that there are parents of more disabled kids who work as hard or harder than I with less results.
Day school is not for everyone.

(27)
Alex,
October 28, 2002 12:00 AM

Good Point

After reading this article it seems that the choice to send children to day school should be an obvious one. I myself wish my parents would have had the insight to send me to one. I do wonder, though, how a child would deal with a transition from a public school to a Jewish school. Also, I wonder if there is any sort of outreach going on to encourage non-Orthodox families to send their kids to these schools. It would be one of the best ways of ensuring Jewish continuity, even in cases where the kids don't get a great deal of religious input at home.

(26)
jenn,
November 4, 2001 12:00 AM

Any suggestions on how children with slight auditory delays can stay in the Hebrew part of a competetive day school. They get A's on the English part, it's just the language part.

Thanks.

Jenn

(25)
Yoseph Braunfeld,
December 25, 2000 12:00 AM

I'm Surprised!

I'm surprised that some of the readers feel that financial concerns are an impediment and also that there is a lack of observant interest towards the non-observant. In reality, observant families send their children to tuition-charging Jewish schools no matter what their income is and how many children are involved. If necessary, the schools provide "scholarships", which are actually discounts, and are subsidized by other concerned families.
Secondly, observant families are very interested in all Jews. For schools in particular, check out Torah Umesorah listed above. For life in general, there are numerous organizations. As a matter of fact, Aish Hatorah - our website host - is a international organization specializing in this. Check them out.

(24)
Anonymous,
December 17, 2000 12:00 AM

meeting needs of day school population

Pilosophically we were with Eric, so much so that we moved to a community specifically to have our children attend a jewish day school and to grow up in an environment that would be supportive to living jewishly. Everything was fine until our son was diagnosed with a learning disablity. The resource room in his modern orthodox N-8 school is not staffed with adequately trained personnel and his classroom english and hebrew teachers were not in step with making appropriate accomodations for his situation. When it came time last year for him to apply to high schools he was not accepted anywhere because of his label, even though he tests high in ability, is not a behavior problem and is in an intensive (and expensive) outside remediation program. We were all devastated, having a hard time reconciling the educational community's response - where was the rachmonmous our son had been taught? One high school principal told us to put him into a public school! When we asked where he would daven, get kosher food and have rabbis' guidance there was no answer. It is documented that ten to fifteen percent of the population has a learning disability. The day school system has grappled with this problem with no adequate solutions yet. One high school program designed to meet the needs of ld kids has turned into a haven for kids with social/emotional dilemmas. As day school populations grow, and happily they are, the needs of ld kids in the day schools must be met because torah academies, by the basis that forms them, are obligated to set a table for every student - not just the ones who automatically have all the 'right stuff'. There ARE resources to solve the problem, they need to be incorporated into the day school system. Caveat emptor. Parents with children in this category must advocate for their children and help break down the barriers so day schools are for every child.

(23)
Anonymous,
December 16, 2000 12:00 AM

going to school isnt the solution, its constant learning of whatever you want to know about it !

(22)
Anonymous,
December 16, 2000 12:00 AM

Thanks

I just finished your article about your children's Jewish education. We live in a community where there is no day school available so as an alternative we have chosen to homeschool our children. We are learning right beside our children. Our eldest daughter(7) in 12 months went from a pre kindergarten knowledge of Hebrew to 4th grade Hebrew (as taught in the supplentary Hebrew schools) We are able to instill life sustaining values that are at times lacking in secular educational venues. For us homeschooling has proven to be the best choice. In addition to our home studies, our family attends a synagogue that is 1 hour away. We have enrolled our daughters in that synagogue's very active Sunday school. Our eldest daughter looks forward to her craft and singing times in "school". However, her Judaica and her Hebrew knowlege has placed her "light years ahead of her classmates". As the possiblity of a day school being developed in our community is quite slim, we will continue to enjoy learning, laughing and praying together as a family.

(21)
Philip Molloy,
December 15, 2000 12:00 AM

Good article

I liked the article, it made me think,
and gave a few things to think about.
I found it relevant to my life, especially since I have siblings in the
public school system.

(20)
Anonymous,
December 14, 2000 12:00 AM

OK, now what?

I would suggest that people that would like to find out more information about a local Day School in their area to contact: Torah Umesorah -The National Society for Hebrew Day Schools at (212)227-1000

(19)
,
December 13, 2000 12:00 AM

shalom! The article was right to the point. What are jews afraid of when they do not send jewish children to jewish schools? I feel very good about sending them but I must admit it is an economical burden for those of us that are not so rich and it is also difficult if there is no jewish community to connect to as is the case where I live, where unlike the U.S. the options are limited and it is hard to find the right group. In any case there is the argument for the identity and the alarming rate of interfaith marriages which means basically that there are more and more jews marrying out of the religion. I for one want to stop the process from continuing in my life and the only way it can be done is through sending children to jewish schools where they learn to form identities as jews and hopefully to form contacts. I regret that a lot of people in these "mixed" marriages, unlike I , are afraid to send their Jewish children because they say the children will be rejected. I have experience mostly of encouragement but some people have a problem with jewish children of nonjewish fathers and that is why most often these children as well as those of reform -liberals are not going to be sent to the jewish schools and that is a great loss.
On the one hand, there should be more outreach programs and first of all attitudes towards the more liberal jews by the more religious and on the other hand I think parents should be aware that children learn a lot from other children and therefore can only feel confident that they are raising jewish children if they are sending them to jewish schools. School time is central to children. 2 hours a week or a month are not going to teach children to be jewish. Belonging to a jewish same age group will do more for jewish children than anything else. Let us just hope that religious jews realize there are other jews who also would like to share the light!

(18)
Anonymous,
December 13, 2000 12:00 AM

Great article

Every jew has to read it
and if his/her jewishness and his/her
childrens jewishness important he must send them to jewish day school!

(17)
ROBYN GOTHELF,
December 12, 2000 12:00 AM

ANOTHER VOTE FOR JEWISH DAY SCHOOLS

MY SEVEN YEAR OLD IS IN HER SECOND YEAR AT CONSERVATIVE JEWISH DAY SCHOOL. SHE RECEIVES HEBREW AND JUDAICA STUDIES EVERY DAY WHICH IS GOOD ESPECIALLY SINCE SHE GREW UP IN ISRAEL. WE ARE AMERICAN BUT FEEL VERY STRONGLY ABOUT JEWISH ETHICS AND A GOOD STRONG JEWISH IDENTITY. GOING TO JEWISH DAY SCHOOL HELPS HER FEEL A SENSE OF BELONGING AND KNOWLEDGE ABOUT THE JEWISH PEOPLE THAT SHE WOULD NOT GET FROM HEBREW SCHOOL. I AM ALSO ATTENDING SERVICES WITH HER AND LEARNING ALOT WITH HER. I WANT HER TO HAVE THE RELIGIOUS UPBRINGING I NEVER DID.

(16)
Anonymous,
December 12, 2000 12:00 AM

Teaching Orthodoxy through Jewish Day Schools

Eric is someone who has moved from Secular Reform Judaism to Orthodoxy, sending his children to a Jewish Day School or Jewish Academy is a natural and logical progression. To claim that JDS children do better than public school children is disingenuous, as the number one determinant for predicting future educational success, is the education of the parents. This reflects itself most in the involvement of the parents in their children's education. Eric, by helping his seven-year-old, Joshua with his second-grade homework, indicates an involvement with his children's education.
Eric claims that only a handful of children from Reform backgrounds, attend JDS. Is this a reflection of the parent's interest and concern with passing on their Jewish identity, or a concern in having their children indoctrinated in Orthodox? If there were more reform Jewish Educational opportunities, then there might be more wide spread interest in such an option. The Jewish Day School Eric describes is an Orthodox Religious Institution teaching a way of life, that not all parents (and the majority of American Jews) are prepared to live themselves or force upon their most cherished possessions, their children.

(15)
Anonymous,
December 12, 2000 12:00 AM

Kol Hakavod!

I really enjoyed your article. I hope one day to also benefit from sending my kids to Jewish day school. It not only teaches them good midot but also ACHDUT- or Jewish unity- that we so badly need right now.

(14)
Cliff Bayuk,
December 11, 2000 12:00 AM

Jewish Day School - not an easy choice

I agree with most of your thoughts. My wife and I were torn between sending our daughter to kindergarten this year - at a multicultural magnet school -- or the 180 degree opposite -- to the high quality local Solomon Schecter Academy. We chose the Academy. We are pleased with our decision - the academy offers an individualized, loving approach to learning; but we remain uneasy about making this committment for the long term (long term meaning throughout Elementary education at least). I don't buy the sentitment about the need to make a political statement - in order to send one's children to public schools. To me, the choice to go to public school is more about a willingness to engage in your community where you live. Children not only study next to each other in public schools -- but in fact live next to each other too. In our diverse and ever changing American society, its important to underscore this reality and the correllary of learning (about others) and to get along with others who are different from us. The struggle for me as a Jew -- is all about my ability to reinforce my Jewish values and faith in the environment of this dynamic society. Jewish day school makes it easier to do this (and it will be easier for my children as well). But ultimately, these values and beliefs are reinforced within the walls of our home. Regardless of my daughter's (and son's) education, its the Jewish home we've established which will have the most influence on our heritage in the long run. Is it easy to make a Jewish home (in a vacuum)? No. Should one neglect or discount the value of their surrounding Jewish community in attempting to do this? Absolutlely not. It's just that realizing our collective stake in community (OUR AMERICAN COMMUNITY) is just as important - if not more so than realizing our stake in the Jewish community. As God's chosen people, perhaps we have a heavier load to bear, to engage meaningfully with both.

(13)
,
December 11, 2000 12:00 AM

Another vote for day school

Our two youngest children are in their fifth year of jewish day school after having no previous jewish education. Our 16 year old daughter took an after school honors halacha class for the past three years and this year is taking advanced text, chumash and oral law with all A's. Our 13 year- old son has 3 A's and 1 B in chumash, halacha, navi and oral law and is being tutored in gemara in preparation for yeshiva next year. Our day school also has an advanced secular studies program so the students finish high school after the eleventh grade and spend their twelfth year in Israel. The Orthodox children in the day school are in the minority but our children have confidence and pride in their Jewishness because of their education these past few years. They have respect and tolerance for other people because of the diverse religious background of their classmates. Do my children miss anything from not being in a public school? Yes, they do. They miss all of the things so prevalent in American society and taught in public schools that destroy the fabric of morality and decency in this country. My children have tolerance and respect for others for another reason. When we converted in August of 1996, our oldest daughter who had just turned 18, did not convert with us. We respect her decision just as she respects ours. Whereas my husband's family is Southern Baptist and mine is evangelical Christian, we constantly have to work at respecting others who have no respect for us and our decisions (we're putting off telling them that we're sending our son from Texas to Baltimore to go to yeshiva). Our children needed to have as solid of a Judaic foundation as possible just as I believe every Jewish child should. I fear for the souls of Jewish children who have no basic understanding of who they are and the great gift and responsibilities Hashem has given us. Don't let your children grow up being blown by every changing wind of society. My vote is cast for day school(now if I can just find one for 40 year-olds)!

(12)
Holly,
December 11, 2000 12:00 AM

I debate this daily

I am considering sending my 10 year old son to an orthodox Jewish day school in September for 6th grade. For grades one through four he attended a Conservative Jewish Day School. It was literally across the street from my apt. and I felt my son needed smaller classes. I was happy with the school but he did not seem get much homework in secular subjects and very little in Hebrew or Jewish subjects and easily received mostly "A's". My husband and I recently moved to Pembroke Pines, FL for a year and my son is now in a public school nearby. It is a very good school and my son was placed in the advanced class based on his good grades from Day School. However, he is required to do much more work in the secular classes and he has to push himself more. He attends a Chabad Sunday School which only meets on Sundays. I am considering sending him to an Orthodox day school for middle school because I feel that I want him to get a religious education and guidance. I feel this is especially important in middle and high school years.

(11)
Matatia Chetrit,
December 11, 2000 12:00 AM

Jewish Education for Happier Children

A Jewish education is an investment in the child's future. Apart from the spiritual benefits, the child learns to be more well balanced and see the world in a kinder, happier way. It gives the child a better understanding of living Judaism - giving them more reason to marry Jewish later on.

Parents that take the extra step and learn with their children also demonstrate the importance of Judaism to them and for their family.

We have developed a web site with "10 advantages of a Jewish Education" for those who may be interested - www.torahkids.org. It's purpose is to help any parents in any way we can to send their Jewish children to a Jewish school. A good Jewish education is the best thing a Jewish parent can give to their child.

(10)
Chana Jacobson,
December 11, 2000 12:00 AM

Couldn't agree more!

My two older children went through public high school, and my youngest made the switch in sixth grade to a Jewish day school. Though the transition was rough at first (she was taking baby steps that her classmates had taken in kindergarten), now that she is a freshman in high school we have debates on halacha (jewish law) and she is learning the fine art of needling a deeper meaning out of a tersely worded text. Better still, she's now at the point that she can sit down with a text and translate it, and can even begin to read and translate the commentaries on the text.

All this in addition to have an excellent secular education. Her history teacher is a Fullbright scholar, her science teacher has a doctorate in nuclear physics, another teacher has a law degree, her LA teacher has a doctorate in English, her Spanish teacher has a doctorate in Spanish, and her math teacher has a masters in electrical engineering. The leading state university feels that the graduates from this high school are so far superior to any produced by another school that they automatically add .33 to their grade point average before they even consider them -- and the university does that for only one other school in the whole state, and for that school they add less (about half, if memory serves).

Best of all, though, is the continual emphasis on values and behavior, on the middot. The teens are supportive of each other, not mocking, and will even gently correct each other when someone inadvertently speaks Loshen Horah (each translation - gossip!) or transgresses in some other way. Even the girl's basketball team is tops in it's intramural group, and yet all the girls are playing in skirts.

My daughter is learning that it is really possible to live a full life in a Jewish way, and she is being taught that behavior is more important than achievement. Unlike the public high schools I saw with my other children, her high school respects its students and trusts them to behave appropriately.

When they graduate, these children will be ready for life. If I could go back in time, I'd given my two grown children (both wonderful, responsible adults, by the way) the same advantages that their little sister is getting.

Chana Jacobson

(9)
Anonymous,
December 11, 2000 12:00 AM

It's not just about the kids

Very impressive -- you deserve a lot of credit. I assume that you have pursued your own learning as an adult too -- not just with your child on a 7-year old level. People need to be reminded that the ultimate goal is to *be* knowledgeable, not just to have children who are knowledgeable. Because if your goal in life is simply to have children with a Jewish education, they will grow up to be... people who want to have children with a Jewish education. The buck stops with each one of us -- we set the example by trying to be scholars ourselves!

(8)
Alan Fleishman,
December 10, 2000 12:00 AM

I agree and disagree - Sending the children to Jewish Day School

My daughter, a college graduate and married now, went to Jewish Day School. My son, also a college graduate, didn't. My daughter is Orthodox, my son Reform with some elements of Conservatism. Day school was definitely the place for my daughter, not for my son. He went to Hebrew school (Conservative) and graduated from Hebrew High School. I wanted my children to understand their heritege and know enough not to be ashamed when they entered a Synogogue. I wanted them to be able to make their decisions on how to religiously live their lives based on their own philosophical feelings. I admit I had/have a very strong bias towards Conservative Judaism and hoped they would follow in my footsteps. Neither has.

The reason for my long introduction is my desire to demonstrate that I understand Eric Simon's position. But, I disagree with much of what he said. Jewish Day School is a RELIGIOUS institution. It is obvious why some people would not even think about the school as an alternative to the public system. For girls it is not as obvious. But, the boys don Tefillin before their morning prayers, every morning. Reform Jews would not feel comfortable with this. The school's religious teachings tend to be ConservaDox. Many Conservatives would not feel comfortable with this. Religion is a very important part of the ciriculum. Any one who does not see religion, Judaism, as a very important part of their lives will not see Day School as an option. It is not difficult to understand Reform and Conservative clergy sending their children to Day School; religion is their life/livlihood.

(7)
Anonymous,
December 10, 2000 12:00 AM

great article on day schools

I have a 20 month old daughter and, since we recently bought a house in a large city school district, we have already had several conversations about "where will she go to school??" with my in-laws. I've responded, well, there's a 3 year old non-Orthodox day school in town, and there's an Orthodox day school much closer to us - of course, being classical Reform Jews, they were aghast that I would suggest this. The problem is, I converted, so I have NO Jewish childhood memories to pass on to my daughter! Since my husband was raised "classical Reform", his contributions are on the cultural level. I don't hold the stereotypes against Orthodoxy that my husband and his family do, and it bothers me that they don't even seem to care that their grandchild is being raised Jewish! It's almost similar to what I went through with my family when I converted. What's ironic is, we are friends with 2 Reform families, where one spouse converted, and they are sending their kids to the Orthodox day school! I'm sure it's not just us having this conflict. But it sure isn't easy to deal with, esp. when the in-laws are demanding to know "what's going on" - and since we're in the process of finding the right balance for us as a married couple and as a family, we just don't have any definitive answers for them at this time. And I'll admit I resent the heck out of the pressure to respond to their demanding questions...

(6)
,
December 10, 2000 12:00 AM

A yeshiva day school education is the single best thing that we can give to Jewish children. My parents always said that they could've bought a new car every year with the money that they spent on yeshiva day school tuition, but it was worth it. One question I have is, "who is this rebbe? We could use more like him."

(5)
Mimi Lait,
December 10, 2000 12:00 AM

congratulations

Your article is very meaningful and should help others articulate their feelings about sending their child/ren to a Jewish Day School.

(4)
Anonymous,
December 10, 2000 12:00 AM

You did the right thing

Eric, I come from a similar background as you and because of my lack of education I put my 3 children in Yeshiva from kinder through high-school. It was the best thing I could have done. I caught a lot of flack mostly from my own family because it caused some problems for them because the kids keep kosher.
They are all observant Yiddin through choice. Education is the key to our survival as a people and a Nation. The majority of assimmilated Jews will disappear through inter-marriage and ignorance of who they are. I have watched this happen in my own family and generation. My parents are now very happy that the kids have a Jewish education and live a Jewish life.
Thank you for writting about it, maybe it will spark more to educate Jewish children with Jewish education.
Be well.
Reuben

(3)
Isaac Tapia,
December 10, 2000 12:00 AM

Excellent!!!

I was so blessed by this article! Thank you for helping us to remember the critical importance of TORAH in Education.

(2)
Anonymous,
December 10, 2000 12:00 AM

My husband and I are adopting a little girl and have been thinking seriously about putting her into an orthodox school. However, we do not live an orthodox lifestyle and wonder if she would respect Judiasm seeing that we lived differently than those she would be exposed to in the school environment. Would she consider this a hypocrisy or would she understand that there are differences that are acceptable. I believe this is a problem that many Jewish parents have about orthodox day schools and wonder if there is a solution to this dilemma.

(1)
Anonymous,
December 10, 2000 12:00 AM

I agree with the author whole-heartedly that our children need to receive a comprehensive Jewish education, hope that more nonOrthodox Jews feel the same, and that resources will be allocated for expanding day schools of all streams in Judaism. I am proud that my son is in the charter first grade class sponsored by the Israel Movement for Progressive Judaism in Modi'in, where Jewish tradition is emphasized along with the regular program in a "secular" school.

I'm told that it's a mitzvah to become intoxicated on Purim. This puzzles me, because to my understanding, it is not considered a good thing to become intoxicated, period.

One of the characteristics of the at-risk youth is their use of drugs, including alcohol. In my experience, getting drunk doesn't reveal secrets. It makes people act stupid and irresponsible, doing things they would never do if they were sober. Also, I know a lot about the horrible health effects of abusing alcohol, because I work at a research center that focuses on addiction and substance abuse.

Also, I am an alcoholic, which means that if I drink, very bad things happen. I have not had a drink in 22 years, and I have no intention of starting now. Surely there must be instances where a person is excused from the obligation to drink. I don't see how Judaism could ever promote the idea of getting drunk. It just doesn't seem right.

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Putting aside for a moment all the spiritual and philosophical reasons for getting drunk on Purim, this remains an issue of common sense. Of course, teenagers should be warned of the dangers of acute alcohol ingestion. Of course, nobody should drink and drive. Of course, nobody should become so drunk to the point of negligence in performing mitzvot. And of course, a recovering alcoholic should not partake of alcohol on Purim.

Indeed, the Code of Jewish Law explicitly says that if one suspects the drinking may affect him negatively, then he should NOT drink.

Getting drunk on Purim is actually one of the most difficult mitzvot to do correctly. A person should only drink if it will lead to positive spiritual results - e.g. under the loosening affect of the alcohol, greater awareness will surface of the love for God and Torah found deep in the heart. (Perhaps if we were on a higher spiritual level, we wouldn't need to get drunk!)

Yet the Talmud still speaks of an obligation on Purim of "not knowing the difference between Blessed is Mordechai and Cursed is Haman." How then should a person who doesn't drink get the point of “not knowing”? Simple - just go to sleep! (Rama - OC 695:2)

All this applies to individuals. But the question remains - does drinking on Purim adversely affect the collective social health of the Jewish community?

The aversion to alcoholism is engrained into Jewish consciousness from a number of Biblical and Talmudic sources. There are the rebuking words of prophets - Isaiah 28:1, Hosea 3:1 with Rashi, and Amos 6:6, and the Zohar says that "The wicked stray after wine" (Midrash Ne'alam Parshat Vayera).

It is well known that the rate of alcoholism among Jews has historically been very low. Numerous medical, psychological and sociological studies have confirmed this. The connection between Judaism and sobriety is so evident, that the following conversation is reported by Lawrence Kelemen in "Permission to Receive":

When Dr. Mark Keller, editor of the Quarterly Journal of Studies on Alcohol, commented that "practically all Jews do drink, and yet all the world knows that Jews hardly ever become alcoholics," his colleague, Dr. Howard Haggard, director of Yale's Laboratory of Applied Physiology, jokingly proposed converting alcoholics to the Jewish religion in order to immerse them in a culture with healthy attitudes toward drinking!

Perhaps we could suggest that it is precisely because of the use of alcohol in traditional ceremonies (Kiddush, Bris, Purim, etc.), that Jews experience such low rates of alcoholism. This ceremonial usage may actually act like an inoculation - i.e. injecting a safe amount that keeps the disease away.

Of course, as we said earlier, all this needs to be monitored with good common sense. Yet in my personal experience - having been in the company of Torah scholars who were totally drunk on Purim - they acted with extreme gentleness and joy. Amid the Jewish songs and beautiful words of Torah, every year the event is, for me, very special.

Adar 12 marks the dedication of Herod's renovations on the second Holy Temple in Jerusalem in 11 BCE. Herod was king of Judea in the first century BCE who constructed grand projects like the fortresses at Masada and Herodium, the city of Caesarea, and fortifications around the old city of Jerusalem. The most ambitious of Herod's projects was the re-building of the Temple, which was in disrepair after standing over 300 years. Herod's renovations included a huge man-made platform that remains today the largest man-made platform in the world. It took 10,000 men 10 years just to build the retaining walls around the Temple Mount; the Western Wall that we know today is part of that retaining wall. The Temple itself was a phenomenal site, covered in gold and marble. As the Talmud says, "He who has not seen Herod's building, has never in his life seen a truly grand building."

Some people gauge the value of themselves by what they own. But in reality, the entire concept of ownership of possessions is based on an illusion. When you obtain a material object, it does not become part of you. Ownership is merely your right to use specific objects whenever you wish.

How unfortunate is the person who has an ambition to cleave to something impossible to cleave to! Such a person will not obtain what he desires and will experience suffering.

Fortunate is the person whose ambition it is to acquire personal growth that is independent of external factors. Such a person will lead a happy and rewarding life.

With exercising patience you could have saved yourself 400 zuzim (Berachos 20a).

This Talmudic proverb arose from a case where someone was fined 400 zuzim because he acted in undue haste and insulted some one.

I was once pulling into a parking lot. Since I was a bit late for an important appointment, I was terribly annoyed that the lead car in the procession was creeping at a snail's pace. The driver immediately in front of me was showing his impatience by sounding his horn. In my aggravation, I wanted to join him, but I saw no real purpose in adding to the cacophony.

When the lead driver finally pulled into a parking space, I saw a wheelchair symbol on his rear license plate. He was handicapped and was obviously in need of the nearest parking space. I felt bad that I had harbored such hostile feelings about him, but was gratified that I had not sounded my horn, because then I would really have felt guilty for my lack of consideration.

This incident has helped me to delay my reactions to other frustrating situations until I have more time to evaluate all the circumstances. My motives do not stem from lofty principles, but from my desire to avoid having to feel guilt and remorse for having been foolish or inconsiderate.

Today I shall...

try to withhold impulsive reaction, bearing in mind that a hasty act performed without full knowledge of all the circumstances may cause me much distress.

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