Here Comes The Guide's Blog

Tell the truth: for your wedding gift, would you rather receive a pink ceramic Victorian cat or that Bose SoundDock you always wanted? Yeah, thought so.

After spending $150 on Egyptian cotton linens for his close friend, the groom, and finding out that said groom couldn’t remember what he’d given them, Aric Martinez decided that there had to be a better way for couples to personalize their registry and get what they actually want—even the expensive stuff.

He created iDoGifts.com so guests can purchase “shares” in high-end gifts the bride and groom want but can’t justify buying for themselves. So if, for example, Aunt Gertrude and 3 friends each buy a share at $75 apiece, they can get you that Bose SoundDock you’ve been coveting for your home. And if you don’t have a home, people can actually contribute money towards your down payment. Now that’s a gift you’ll absolutely remember! This clever website offers a wide selection of gifts to choose from, but if they don’t have something you want they’ll work out a way to get it on your registry.

Somebody you consider dear has passed; how do you honor them on your wedding day without bringing everyone’s mood down a few notches?

I know this problem well. We were all missing my husband during his son’s wedding, but when the Best Man stood to honor him with a sincere tribute (which might have been a longer speech than his toast to the bride and groom!), tears—and not the happy kind!—started to flow.

No one should have to leave the reception to dry their eyes. And while this may sound harsh, your wedding is not your loved one’s memorial service. Weddings are joyous occasions, and my gut tells me that your loved ones would not want you to choose your special day to mourn.

So how do you respectfully acknowledge a loved one without losing the joy of a moment?

Place pictures of everyone who’s important to you, living or not, on a table at the reception. If you can add lots of goofy and fun pictures to the mix, it’ll become a celebration of life instead of a memorial.

If you’re having a video montage at your reception, don’t forget you’re the star of the show. Always keep the photos light and fun, and make sure the music has an upbeat tempo.

Is there a piece of Grandma’s jewelry you can wear at the ceremony? Is there material from her wedding dress that you can have made into a handkerchief? Can the groom wear his grandpa’s cuff links? Just the act of wearing something of theirs can make you feel closer.

Incorporate a favorite bible verse, poem, or song in the ceremony. You can mention the significance in your wedding program, but don’t call attention to the reason during the event.

No poems coming to mind? Simply include their name in a special note in your wedding program: “Here in our hearts we honor…” You can add a dove, butterfly, or a cross after their name, or maybe even a little note that says: “we love that we know you are here in spirit, Grandpa”

Whatever you choose to do, remember: It’s your day. You set the boundaries. Discuss your feelings with your family and anyone giving toasts and speeches (including your officiant).

The day after my son’s wedding, I took flowers from the wedding and went to the park to set them on the memorial bench donated in honor of my husband’s life. I sat there for a while, cried a little, and left the bench thinking about how Russell and Alix were on their way to their honeymoon and new life together. That made me smile.

Picture this: The spotlight’s on you and your new husband as you finish your first dance at your wedding reception. Waiting in the wings is the other important man in your life: your dad. As the final notes of that first song fade, Dad holds out his hand, ready to lead you back to the dance floor for the father-daughter dance. But when the first few bars of the Village People’s “YMCA” scream their way out of your iPod, you’re frozen in horror…did you really forget to add a father-daughter dance song to your wedding playlist?!

My buddy and colleague Denise described an eerily similar scenario that happened at her friend’s wedding. The bride had wanted to save some money by not hiring a DJ, but the plan backfired when her dad was cheated out of his moment!

A DJ makes last-minute adjustments that an iPod can’t. As Beau Kramer says, “A good DJ can keep the guests informed and involved. They constantly monitor the room and the energy of the guests, making subtle changes as needed.”

Another case in point: Many years ago, I coordinated a wedding at the Dunsmuir Hellman Historic Estate. The DJ had a great party going, until someone in the wedding party asked him to play a certain song. The DJ warned that the song would kill the energy of the party, and sure enough, the dance floor quickly emptied. But almost as soon as the dancers cleared the floor, the DJ’s next selection brought everyone back to life. He knew what would happen, and more importantly, he knew how to recover. I’d say that DJ earned his fee!