Top Ten Things I Hate About Facebook Profiles

Introduction

You knew it was coming - it's been too long since I posted a needlessly negative
rant about something. So, without further ado, I present to you the second installment
of the top ten things I hate about something. Enjoy.

#10: Insufficient Information

To be clearer, this is when a person has filled in very few fields in his or her
profile. This person needs to realize that the main function of Facebook is to allow
stalkers/Internet predators/identity thieves to view the personal information of
others, and not presenting it is clearly not the way Facebook was intended to be
used. I mean, is this person too good to let potentially dangerous people view his
or her personal information?

#9: Too Many Favorites

This person has listed roughly 80 different bands under "favorite music."
I think the idea there was to list your favorite music - not every band
that you have ever listened to. I think the "favorite" descriptor loses
some of its effect when there are so many of them. The same goes for movies. It's
okay to have a lot of favorites, but I think having more than 50 is excessive. If
I have to scroll down to get to the bottom of your favorites list, it is a sign
that you have too many.

#8: The Tilde (~)

Okay, so this isn't really a Facebook profile thing - it's everywhere. However,
the place I notice it most is in Facebook, so it's on this list. The main complaint
here is that people tend to think that the tilde is an acceptable substitute for
a hyphen. "Look! A wavy hyphen! I'm gonna use it!" The tilde is most often
misused when attributing some platitude (usually a profound statement about life)
to a person. This is unacceptable. No matter how pretty and wavy the tilde is, it
is not a substitute for a hyphen. I've even seen it used in place
of quotation marks around a quote. It's disgusting.

#7: The Drinking Picture

Yeah, yeah. It's cool to get wasted every night and you are going to let everyone
on Facebook know just how much of an alcoholic you are. Welcome to college, where
everyone does that. You are not special because you are drinking in your picture
and no one is impressed. Why not put up a picture of something you enjoy that isn't
drinking so that others might actually see what you enjoy? Or maybe the only thing
you enjoy is drinking, which is entirely possible.

#6: "Random Pics"

So, Facebook decided to implement photo albums and every person decided to do it.
Unfortunately, every person titled his or her album "Random Pics." This
tells the casual stalker nothing whatsoever about the album. Alright, so the pictures
don't really have anything to do with one another. Still, "random" refers
to a situation with an uncertain outcome - try something along the lines of "miscellaneous,"
or even cooler, "grab bag."

#5: Only Visible to Friends

This goes along with #10. Just what is this person trying to hide? Is he or she
secretly working for a government agency? Or is the person scared? He or she needs
to realize that joining Facebook is a commitment to let stalkers, etc. see people's
personal information.

#4: The Fake Picture

I'm not talking about a cleverly Photoshopped picture of the person's face on something.
What I'm referring to is the blatantly obvious picture of a celebrity, or better
yet, something that isn't even a person. I mean, it's funny to misrepresent one's
self - once. However, it quickly grows old after the person has the same fake picture
up for months. You're not fooling anyone into thinking you are Superman, and it
stopped being funny after two days. Put up a real picture.

#3: "You've Been Hit by the (...) Truck!"

Anyone that posts this on my wall will have his post deleted immediately. The ASCII
art almost never works out as intended and ends up looking like a garbled mess.
And yet, this never stops people from posting this pile of garbage onto another
person's wall. Finally, there are so many variations of this worthless message that
it has completely lost its effect. In fact, anyone that posts this crap should immediately
be sent a reply: "You've been hit by the 'Not on My Friends List Anymore' Truck!"

#2: The Untagger

There's always someone like this: someone who is too cool to have a mildly compromising
picture on Facebook. Oh no, the person's sterling reputation has been ruined by
one embarrassing picture! This person needs to grow up and realize that no one cares.
Sure, the picture might be worth a laugh, but honestly, nothing on Facebook should
be taken seriously.

#1: Girls Married to Other Girls

What is the deal with that? This isn't a political statement, as I wouldn't care
if it were actually true. But I have this haunting suspicion that, in actuality,
the vast majority of the girls on Facebook are not married to another girl. So why
do 95% of the girls on Facebook do this? Do they think it is funny? Maybe it was
funny the first time. But after every girl at Miami did this, it got old. It's an
overused joke that just won't die.

So there you have it - the second installment of my excessive negativity. Even if
you have some of these in your profile, I don't hate you, as everyone makes mistakes.
The key is to recognize your mistakes and fix them. So get on it. Seriously.