Dave.....thank you for your words. I do not have a big head and probably never will. LOL! I am humble and just do what I think is right in this life. I have always been one to give to others.

I gave all I could to my boyfriend while he was alive. Because of me he was able to heal and have a quality of life that he may have never had in the last two years of his life. Yet I found every moment with him a great gift to me, even with the work I did and the worry I had for him every single day. Often I was so afraid that he would be gone at any time. I cherished my days and experiences with him.

I care for his parents now more so out of my great love for him than anything else. He was very close to them and I think he is comforted to know that I am here for them. He would want me to be happy and move on to find someone else to share life with, but for now being here for his parents seems right. His parents and I have comforted each other, for I was in no condition to move out of here after the death of my dear love. I was in shock for some time, even though I always knew the day would come.

Interesting how I always had the "knowing". It was subconscious. In my conscious mind I thought he and I would have more time together, but I did things and asked for things of him as if each day was the last. A ruby heart necklace to remember him and our love by, more than one note to him to let him know exactly how much I loved him, having him sign his last Christmas card to me that he had forgotten to sign. I just knew that down the road I would appreciate having the momentos. And I never turned down something he needed or desired from me, like a massage to ease the pain from the muscles in his back. He was a bit frail, and I felt like his protector. I tried to always bring him comfort to make his days better.

I too have found that in giving we do receive. I had given so much of myself in my prior marriage, and my gift when that ended painfully was my sweet boyfriend. I cared for him and gave him all I could, and now his parents care for me and give me a place to live where I don't have to worry about keeping the heat and lights on. They love me so much that I can't even understand it. I am sure it is because of how kindly and lovingly I treated their son. But it makes me a little uncomfortable sometimes that they are so good to me. I am used to giving, not necessarily receiving. My boyfriend was a giver too, just like the parents who raised him. This made the two of us a great match, even though we didn't always see eye to eye.

I can only take things one day at a time, for now is all we truly have. I also have to keep bringing myself up, as hard as that can be at times. I often tell myself that I am ok, that I am going to be alright. I have to believe that positive energy will reach me and I will know true joy again. I deserve it, and someone else out there deserves me in his life. For now I strive to stay peaceful.

I sure feel like I am in a therapy session....LOL! It is nice to have caring and supportive friends here. Thanks again, Dave.

I am feeling more peaceful today. My sweetheart visited me in my dreams early this morning. He came at just the right time. I explained my dream in the "Dreams" forum, under the "Circle of Love" thread if anyone wants the details.

I feel better, more grounded. He always has that effect on me. The spirit world is a fascinating world indeed.

Nothing like a visit from "home" folks is there Debbie!!! I am visited on a semi regular basis by ancestors and even a few "special" beings. So many disbelieve in these things. I do not think that many people are so adamantly against it, they just don't know how to enter that realm or they have some fear about its operation due to what others have warned them against.

There is no fear in being loved and guided from any realm. Sometimes that is the only way to bridge a gulf.

You do not have to tell him to go and be with another person if you need him Deb.They as well as we are omnipresent as needed.

You are learning to flow in that "great river of life" as my family has said umpteen times.

I remember what an Irish Nun once said standing by us as she was startled by something "May the saints preserve us!!!" There was far more to that than just a cute little statement.

Nothing like it indeed, Dave. I am still feeling peace from his visit.

I think my great love for him lights the way for him to make that connection. I am open and always willing to hear from him. Thank goodness I became more objective about the spirit world before he passed on. It helped me believe in what cannot be seen, and because of it I have opened the door for him to come through when he wants to visit me. I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried!

Dave......I have thought about what you and I said in regards to that which we cannot see, and there is one thing wrong with it. We "can" see, but it is not with our human eyes. The spiritual we see is more of a knowing and a feeling, yet it is vibrant and real. In our mind's eye, we can see if we are willing to embrace it. I have seen spiritual things but in seeing I more so felt it, heard it, knew it as a certainty, more than I had a picture of it. Sometimes a picture came too, but it was definitely an internal seeing.

You hit the nail on the head when you stated that we are disappointed when we try to make this visible world our home. I finally came to understand why I have not been happy for so many years of my life. It all makes sense now because this material and physical world is not really where we come from. It is a facade. The items we surround ourselves with may be pretty to look at or feel like quality, but in the end they do not bring us happiness.

And what can? I think nature can. Because it is "natural" and real, living and sentient. Relationships with others can. What we receive from our interpersonal relationships....support, affection, companionship, love, and in some cases intimacy.....these things make us happier than any physical object. And what we receive from these relationships is not tangible, but invisible. You can't hold caring, kindness, and compassion with your hands or see it with human eyes, but all those things experienced in our relationships is what speaks to our internal being, our spirit. Our true selves.

I know this is why I miss my boyfriend so much. While he was here we could be quiet and still in an embrace, and I could not care less about what food we would later be eating, what clothes I had in the closet, how fancy my car is or whether it is even running, or how big our home is. The closeness of being in tune with another loving soul touched my very core, where I felt absolute love, peace, and joy. Nothing else mattered at all. I was transported to another place altogether where there was nothing physical around me. Having those quiet and personal moments together meant more to me in our relationship than anything else we could ever do or spend money on. For me being intimate with another human being brings me the closest I can be to the eternal and spiritual. I want it so much because it is my desire to connect with my true self that exists in the spirit world, where love and beauty abounds.

This was a sharing of some of my most private thoughts and feelings. I am sure it may sound crazy to some people.

Burt.....thank you. I am happy that sharing my experiences can bring joy to others as well.

My boyfriend was very close to God in his physical life, and I know he is in the presence of God now. It's a little funny that he was nowhere near as expressive of his feelings for me when he was here, but now he has no trouble at all expressing that he loves me. Ridding himself of his sick body set him free.

Truth can be stranger than fiction, you are right. But truth can also be beautiful. Blessed Be.

Debbie, you are growing very rapidly !!! Your depth is even greater than many others which is essential to lead such a forum. For this reason I will probably back away somewhat from the site and watch it develop into a very life saving and healing center of knowledge. It doesn’t seem like we have refuges anymore to where we will not be judged and yet heard and understood, As I said in the past I tried to find a male spirituality forum to share what I know but so many were either hard core fundamental religion or adamant atheism, neither of which I am adverse to, but now is the time for understanding and accepting all walks of life. I have my own particular ideas of spiritual stuff and maybe others have a greater or at least more diverse knowledge of that realm. Old things have to give way to the new.

Something that I learned as a youth is that letting go of ideas and welcoming proven yet new ones are most beneficial for all. What I have is 500 years old yet tomorrow that all can change. That is cool with me. This is not my home anyway. I own none of this even my own body yet have really enjoyed this journey. There are some very spiritually savvy readers , some that have never posted on here and it would be good to hear from them. I have interacted with some of them in the spirit and they have incredible knowledge and insight. I have MUCH to learn about the infinite spiritual world.

Not leaving, just backing off a little. I do know that we all must change. We cannot hide from who we really are. Many have never known that beautiful part of their inner being but it is where all joy, comfort, and power reside. I promise however, they are the only things that will survive in this ever changing world as all other foundations are being shaken.. None of those three elements are known to most of humanity. In the days coming they will be ushered into them however as it will be needed.

A very wise guy once told his friends to quit looking all around for beauty and majesty that they visually beheld. He said that only the inner being had what is needed for life. He was very unpopular with many simply because they loved the lousy things that they did to each other and did not want to clean up their “act”. The difference between us and them is that we do NOT love the lousy things that we do to each other and we are in the process of constant change and rejuvenation of the mind and spirit. Blessed Be