Tales from the Coffeeshop: ‘The Viagra effect’ on a slow news day.

Archbishop has been engaging in one of his favourite activities – gay bashing

THE PHED Express turned into a Hurricane Phedonas on Thursday night as he let fly allegations of corruption against politicians, civil servants and businessmen. While he did not name them, he was very specific about the type of sleaze they engaged in and mentioned what they did.

His revelations were made in an interview on Sigma TV’s show Choris Peristrofes (loosely translated as ‘to the point’) hosted by retired CyBC news boss Yiannis Kareklas who is still using the cheap hair-dye on his thinning hair. You would have thought Kareklas would have asked his good friend Prez Nik about the brand of hair-dye he uses and looks much more natural than the cheap stuff the TV presenter opts for.

The Paphos mayor made allegations against a party leader that had his house completely renovated by a businessman for a favour regarding the opening of a quarry. He also mentioned a serving deputy that had collected a cool 150 grand for arranging to include a plot of land in a planning zone in which a supermarket could be built.

There was a former head of the Land and Surveys Department who forged title deeds and engaged in a big scam with a Town Planning official; a senior banker had three villas built on a plot he owned without paying the contractor a cent. An official at the transport ministry, connected to the corruption case of the bus companies, was on the take and was advised to resign, but refused. The official, according to the Phed Express, owned a flat in London’s Mayfair, which would suggest the bribery was not small. He also accused a Ports Authority official of taking bribes.

Such was Kareklas’ astonishment and shock at what he was hearing, you thought his hair would turn snow-white, like his face, but it didn’t. Maybe his hair-dye is not such cheap quality after all.

THE CYPROB mujahedeen of our foreign ministry were not spared by hurricane Phedonas. It seems that some ministry employees, when they are not on the diplomatic front-line, heroically fighting the holy war preventing the upgrading of the pseudo-state, engage in making a little money on the side through, not entirely lawful means.

On the same show, Phed referred to officials at our embassy in Beijing that were taking commission for sending Chinese people to Cyprus to obtain passports or permanent residence permits. He should know, as most Chinese that invest in Cyprus end up living in Paphos. Perhaps, Paphos developers are the ones offering the finder’s fee to our embassy officials.

Phed also mentioned a former ambassador in Paris who was involved in the sale of antiquities in France. The antiquities were sent to him by a couple of Paphites, said Phed, although he did not say what amounts were involved or give an idea of when this happened.

One person named on the show by the Phed Express, was Archbishop Chrys’ business partner, Sandor Kenyeres, the Hungarian entrepreneur that has plans to build Kyproulla’s biggest development project on Church land in Geroskipou, including the creation of an island, if he ever finds the lolly to fund it. Phed alleged that Kenyeres made his money as the main owner of a porn film production company in Hungary. “And this person is in and out of the Archbishopric,” lamented the mayor.

Kenyeres company, ATUM Developments, issued a strong denial and threatened to take legal action against any medium that reproduced these “defamatory lies and malicious, unfounded, damaging, demeaning and belittling allegations,” so I will stop here.

THE BIG irony is that it is neither an illegal nor a dishonest business to produce porn films. Puritanical individuals may have moral objections to such a business, but I reckon porn film producers make a more useful contribution to a society than, say, lawyers, who, wrongly, in my view, enjoy a much better reputation professionally. As for corrupt civil servants and sleaze-bag politicians, they should be way below pornographers on the respectability ladder.

The Archbishop was incensed with his fellow-Paphite’s allegations and on Friday spoke to the Sigma TV lunch-time, news show about the matter. He did not defend his business partner, but took exception at the way Phed, whom he knew since he was a boy, handled the whole matter. Why had he not informed the Archbishop privately about what he knew, he asked.

He then accused the TV station of staging the whole show in order to damage the Church, which was a bit unfair, given that Phed’s comments were a tiny part of the broadcast. Chrys insisted that “the scene you set up does not honour you,” and when the presenter denied there was a set up, he told her “you are not honest.” To this she replied, “I am honest, with a cross in my hand,” an expression I have never heard before not even from our politicians.

Chrys closed the exchange by saying he did “not tolerate sordidness” and declaring, “I do not like the sordid.” Then he hung up, leaving the presenter to apologise on his behalf and carry on denying the interview was “a set-up” to destroy the Church.

THERE was a very cute bit on the Kareklas show, when a caller came on air and announced himself in the following way: “I am Christakis Phedonos and I am the father of the mayor.” He addressed the minister of justice and chief of police asking, “what measures are they taking for his protection?” He said nothing else. It was so heart-warming, bordering on cringe, to have a concerned father calling a TV show and appealing to the cops to protect his grown-up boy. There was not a hint of embarrassment on the boy’s face, showing what an ice-cool operator he is. Lesser men would have wanted the earth to open up and swallow them after such an embarrassing experience, but not the Phed Express. Nothing can stand in its ways.

A FEW days before accusing Sigma TV of sordidness and dishonesty, the Archbishop engaged in one of his favourite activities – gay bashing – in an interview on Alpha TV. He said he would not follow the example of the Pope who said last year that the Church ought to have asked the forgiveness of gay people for the way it had treated them.

He was offering gays tough love rather than forgiveness. “Apologise for what,” he asked. “Advise them yes but apologise to them what for? To encourage them in what they are doing? I do not believe we would help them, we would instead encourage them to stray from God.”

Katerina Eliades, blamed hacks, on her morning show on Politis radio, for constantly exposing the Archbishop’s embarrassing, politically incorrect outbursts. It was journalistic laziness that led hacks to seek the views of the Archbishop on every issue under the sun, because he could always be relied on to utter something outrageous. This was particularly the case on days when news was slow and boring.

Chrys was “the Viagra for news,” she said, as he only had to open his mouth to sex up the news headlines. His appearance on Sigma TV three days later confirmed his Viagra effect on a slow news day.

THE MUJAHEDEEN of the foreign ministry landed our government in a spot of bother with our new best friends, the Israelis, last Monday, after a cop at passport control tried to prevent a group of 35 holidaymakers from entering Kyproulla because they were booked to stay at a pseudo-hotel in the north.

The cop was following the written directive from our uber-patriotic foreign ministry, which forbade non-EU citizens from staying at hotels that were owned by Greek Cypriots. The ministry gave a list of the hotels with their Turkish names to the police at the airport.

Earlier 15 tourists from Lebanon were put on a plane back home for allegedly committing the same offence. The cops sent back a couple that was staying at the home of Greek Cypriot friend in the Republic, because they told an over- zealous officer, after being asked, they would visit the north.

The Israeli tourists kicked up a fuss and called their embassy that contacted our government, which ordered the airport cops to ignore its directive and allow the visitors through. The interior minister Constantinos Petrides suspended this absurd measure for a fortnight so that the government could review it.

Most probably it will be rescinded, because pissing off Israelis that booked stays in the pseudo hotels, and souring relations with Tel Aviv in the process, so that some losers at our foreign ministry could play the tough-guy uber-patriots, is not something the pragmatic Prez Nik would entertain. Nik wants to keep his bosom buddy Bibi happy at all costs.

WHAT is hard to believe is that people at the foreign ministry get paid to come up with such a ludicrously pointless measure.

First, they would not achieve their single national objective of preventing the upgrading of the pseudo-state, because thousands of visitors from EU member states would carry on going to the blacklisted hotels in the north. The measure looks even more absurd now that it cannot be applied to Israeli visitors either. I bet airport cops would not dream of sending Russian visitors back if they were booked to stay in the stolen hotels.

Interestingly, the directive was issued by our Mujahedeen diplomats in June, well before the collapse of the peace process. Even more interestingly, the foreign minister, reportedly, knew nothing about it, the directive, apparently, having been put together by ministry officials who have remained unnamed.

It would not come as a surprise if Nik gave his approval to it, aware that the procedure would collapse, because of Turkish intransigence. A tough stance on crossings would endear him to Elam, which demands the closing of all checkpoints. Only after Monday’s airport incident did he realise that the measure might piss off our strategic ally.

THE GOVERNMENT’S continuous assertions of its honesty are becoming a bit tiresome. They are wrong even from a communications point of view because people that feel the need to advertise their honesty are usually not trusted.

We have heard the deputy spokesman Victor, telling us that the Pres told “the whole truth” regarding something to do with Crans-Montana, while this week, spokesman Christodoulides, the devout Christian and churchgoer, started sentences, during an interview, twice, with, “to be absolutely sincere.” Are there times he is only partly sincere?

In the absolute sincerity interview, he was asked why the Prez was not scheduled to meet any US official during his visit to New York and he said, “we did not ask for meetings with the American side.” He was being absolutely sincere.

What he failed to say, however, was that our government was told not to ask for any meetings with Yank officials because the State Department would turn down the request, presumably because Washington was not too pleased with his stance in Switzerland.

DESPITE this, his visit to the Big Apple was a resounding success. Not only did he take his election campaign to the UN General Assembly where he made a speech designed to win votes back home and earn the front-page approval of Phil, which ran the victorious headline, “8 questions to Erdogan.”

While in the Big Apple he also attended grand, gala dinner given by the Federation of Cyprus-American organisations which honoured Greece’s foreign minister Nikos Kotzias. Kotzias was given the Federation’s Freedom Award, “for his fight for Cyprus and his stance at the last negotiations”. He was given an award because his stance contributed to the failure of the negotiations.

Surely the Federation should have invited and honoured Turkey’s foreign minister Mevlut Cavusoglu, because according to Kotzias and our Prez, who always tells the whole truth, the Turks were exclusively to blame for the collapse of the talks. Cavusoglu’s stance ensured the collapse, which the Cyprus-American organisations wanted, and was the rightful winner of the ‘Freedom Award.’

“it is neither an illegal nor a dishonest business to produce porn films. Puritanical individuals may have moral objections to such a business, but I reckon porn film producers make a more useful contribution to a society.”

Dear Patroclos, While puritans are against porn, there are some secular non puritanical arguments out there against porn industry. Porn is addictive, [Love, T. Neuroscience of Internet Pornography Addiction: A Review and Update. Behav. Sci. 2015, 5, 388-433] dehumanize, humiliates and objectifies women/men. Porn industry exploits women and girls (It is clear though that some neoliberals understand exploitation as job opportunity)

George Philis

Love this column – nothing is left out. Great piece one again!!!

Christos Economides

Wow..amazing article, very well written and to the point

Neroli

Another excellent Sunday morning read from Patroclo!

Evergreen

Thank you Patroclos for such a superb analysis of the political activities of the week. The paragraphs relating to Archbishop’s business interests are incredible. I loved the term “THE MUJAHEDEEN of the foreign ministry” as it depicts their character so well here.
This country needs fearless expressions like yours.

Barry White

Shambolic in everything. Can there be any sympathy for seemingly never ending self-inflicted injuries?

almostbroke

Well done P , don’t spare them , keep exposing the charlatans in Government , Church , public service and local authority .

Disruptive

I wonder which friend or cousin of Patroclos was hit by Phedonas’ claims so he is making fun of him in such degrading way. Who would have guessed, our ever sharp and merciless columnist is not immune to nepotism and corruption…

EGB

A lot of justified anger at everything dressed with humour. I approve.

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