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Monday, April 26, 2010

Mothman

A Sy-Fy Original Movie Review by Alan Trehern

Welcome back Not Just New Movie-goers to another Trehern-ified review of a sub-par horror/sci-fi cinematic experience. For those of you who don't know me, it's too late now to get caught up, because this review is going down. RIGHT. NOW.

Mothman (2010)Directed by Sheldon WilsonStarring Jewel Staite and the MothmanThis movie actually began pretty legitimately, and I was kind of surprised since Sy-Fy movies are notorious for being legendarily abominable. It starts out with some generic teenagers hanging out at some crik in West Virginia; never a good idea. Well, one guy's little brother drowns because the kids were rough-housing with him. They attempt to resuscitate him in like 5 seconds and presume him dead after 11 seconds... Meaning they're a) doctors or b) complete morons. The answer is B, by the way.

Alright, so we have this dead child on our hands. What do we do? Call for help? Go to the nearest hospital? No, we decided to each beat him in the head with a rock to make it look like he hit his head. I guess these West Virginians have never seen an episode of CSI, but that's not how it works.

10 Years Later...

Jewel Staite has moved to Washington DC to become a journalist, and is sent back to her hometown of Point Pleasant where the Mothman Festival is being held. Now we still don't know what this Mothman is, we just hear about it. I guess it's a real hokey legend somewhere in the world, but I assumed it was a science experiment turned wrong when somebody became half-man/half-moth. That's kinda what drew me to the movie in the first place, hoping to see how they'd make a half-man/half-moth somewhat frightening. I was let down.

Now the movie doesn't get turrible until the very end, where this mythical Mothman escapes from its mirror-dream world (yup.) and terrorizes the sinners of Point Pleasant, WV...which happens to be everybody because they live in West Virginia. It turns out, according to the old coot Frank, the Mothman was an Indian chief whipped and beaten by the White Man. Also, Point Pleasant was inhabited by an evil spirit and not even the Native Americans would settle down on, so all this combines to the creation of the Mothman, who seeks justice against those who have done wrong.

So in reality, these kids have it coming. Not only for their pure stupidity, but for the fact THEY LET A KID DIE THEN BEAT HIM IN THE HEAD MULTIPLE TIMES WITH A ROCK !! So for the entirety of the film, you end up rooting for the quote-on-quote villain while approving of the putrid deaths of these retarded kids.

ConclusionThings I liked about this movie? Little to nothing. The Mothman was pretty cool-looking, but he's still a monster based on a moth. Those are like the poor-man's ugly butterflies, and their weakness to light makes them easily beatable. And the twist ending was alright, I guess. I used to think Jewel Staite was okaaay looking, but it looks like she's content with making this sci-fi crap and not working out. I mean, you make hundreds of thousands of dollars, take a couple minutes to use the BoFlex. Geez!

In conclusion, Sy-Fy movies STILL suck, so don't bother watching this one unless your Blockbuster has burned to the ground or you live in West Virginia. You know, cause that's the only VHS in the entire state... Yep, the only VHS...

3 comments:

who the hell was obsessed with jewel staite back in the day? was it jared? what a fanboy bust of completely average girl. this is someone who the beautiful people would beat to a pulp with their various implements of punishment.

"This movie actually began pretty legitimately, and I was kind of surprised since Sy-Fy movies are notorious for being legendarily abominable. It starts out with some generic teenagers hanging out at some crik in West Virginia; never a good idea"

If they would have just ended the movie here, it would have scared the crap outta me...