We know it: at this time of the year, it might seem difficult to participate in the general atmosphere of joy and optimism.

We attend various family meetings, parties with friends, and we all look back at the past 12 months.

Some wish us the best for the year to come – without knowing maybe that the only thing we hope for is the same as last year.

Others can’t help but ask the same (tactless) questions or make the same (clumsy) observations: “What about you? When will you get to it?“, or “You’ll make it this year, just stop obsessing about it”.

During the family reunions, children are at the centre of everything, and people announce a new pregnancy or the birth of a new cousin.

We know all that, and today we want to share with you some advice to go through these last days of 2017, and to look towards 2018 with energy and positivism.

Some questions or comments can be anticipated.

Think about who you’re going to meet and imagine the situations that might occur, the questions they might ask you. Have an answer prepared for each of them. You’ll feel much more relaxed and confident.

And also, why not organizing a moment of relaxation, just for yourself, right before one of these family meetings? A massage, a relaxing hot bath – or anything that will help you relax.

Easier said than done, you might tell us. So, here’s a simple exercise of relaxation that you can do:

– at home, before going to one of these parties or events, lying on your bed or sitting on a sofa or a chair.

– in case of panic or anxiety attack, for example if you’re at a party and find yourself in an awkward or stressful situation. In this case go to the bathroom, or find an isolated and quiet room and do this exercise.

Relaxation through respiration:

With your eyes closed, put your hand on your chest or abdomen, and focus on your respiration. Listen to it for a few minutes, observe it, without forcing it. Little by little your heart beat will go down and so will the feeling of stress and anxiety.
Then slowly try to regulate your respiration, trying to make each inspiration and expiration last the same, around 4-5 seconds.

If you have 5 more minutes:

Breathe deeply and imagine the oxygen go through each organ and each part of your body: head, neck, arms, back, chest, heart, abdomen and finally legs and feet. They will all relax one by one.

Friend, lover, brother or sister, cousin: chose someone you truly trust in each of these parties or celebrations. Explain the situation and stick to him or her.

At the very first sign that you’re feeling uncomfortable or upset, this person can save the moment with a simple word, a gesture or simply by changing the subject of conversation.

You sometimes need to be selfish.

If you are dreading to go to a party or a family event, ask yourself honestly: do I really have to go? If it is not the case, then don’t go.

Without explaining the details nor telling the whole story, if you explain things sincerely then 90% of people will understand and respect you.

You may not see it right now, but you’re much more than someone trying to have a child.

When looking back at the past year, try to see not only your difficulties to have a baby but also the successes, big or small, that you accomplished in 2017.

Use that moment to visualize, and recognize, all the facets of your personality, all that you are beyond the fertility issues: a successful professional, a faithful friend, a loving partner, a good cook, …

And why not? You should also celebrate also the strength, courage and unconditional love with which you’ve been fighting to make this baby come true.

Likewise, establish for 2018 objectives that go beyond your project of starting a family. It can be very simple things, the important is to have other goals to focus on, and to reconnect with the sensation of achievement.

We wish you, from the bottom of our hearts, a happy and beautiful 2018.

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She Oak is a nonprofit organization that helps people with fertility problems. Our unique mission is to provide you with physical, psychological and emotional support. Feel free to get in touch so we can talk through your needs and help you plan the best strategy for you.

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