The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited.
Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly,

"My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and
I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next:

"I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that
magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher..

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath ....

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of
cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"
"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.
"Toothbrushes!" echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"
"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample."
They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog shit!" Then I would say, ?It is dog shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"

"I used the governmental approach of giving you something shitty for free, and then making you pay to get the shitty taste out of your mouth."

A professor at the Auburn University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, ' How many people here believe in ghosts ? '

About 90 students raise their hands.

Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost ?

About 40 students raise their hands.

That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost ?

About 15 students raise their hand.

Has anyone here ever touched a ghost ?

Three students raise their hands.

That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost ?

Way in the back, Ahmed raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses and says ' Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience. '

The Middle Eastern Muslim student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.

When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, ' So, Ahmed, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost ? '

Ahmed replied, " Shit, from way back there I thought you said Goats. "

A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons.

"I'll make you a deal. I will open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He will then open his mouth and I will remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.".

The crowd murmured their approval.

The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.

The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered.

The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try".

A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.

A woman timidly spoke up. "I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle".

A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. He notices a monkey in a cage behind the bar and asks about it.

"You don't want to know," answers the bartender.

A few beers later, the guy says, "Come on, I gotta know what the deal is with the monkey."

"OK, I'll show you," says the bartender. He then takes the animal out of the cage and whacks it on the head with a bat. The monkey pulls down the bartender's pants and starts giving him a blow job. He looks at the guy and says, "You want to try it?"