How To Tell If The Person You’re Dating Is The Right Person For You

Are you only as good, as the person you’re dating? I read a tweet that said: #Ladies, you’re only as good as the man you date, if you let a lame in your panties then you’re lame.

It made me wonder, who judges what is lame or not? If this is how you view dating it’s no wonder you’re unhappily single. Whether you call it lanes, numbers or calibers singles are obsessed with finding themselves in someone else. When it comes to degrees, status, looks and intelligence we are desperate to find a partner that we think is as good, if not better than we are.

Could it be because we define ourselves by the person that loves us?

If the most wonderful person on the planet doesn’t love us then it must prove that we are losers or lames?

You might not look at it as straightforward as someone is a lame or a loser. You might just consider some people a “catch” and others not. When it comes to dating, what is it that makes some people’s love more special than others? Why do we value some people’s affections and not others? If you have a strict barometer for who you find worthy of dating, you might be disqualifying a host of quality people. If this is the strategy for many singles I can see why so many relationships fail.

It feels fantastic to date someone powerful and important. I’ve had more than enough CEOs, CFOs, Founders and Presidents in my life to tell you that doors open when you’re on the arm of the check signer but that kind of validation is fleeting. That kind of validation doesn’t make you feel like your spirit is worth as much as the person you’re dating because you are just another accessory in their life. The more important and fabulous you become to yourself, the more priority you place on who a person is, not what they do.

When you lack to courage to say ‘I am enough, and I want to share myself with someone who is kind and caring’, you end up searching for validation.

The problem comes because most people don’t know themselves very well. Understandably, self-reflection is scary. What can lead us to be the people we are today sometimes stem from traumatic events from the past. Dating someone who is “special” in the eyes of others can make us feel like we are just as special by proxy. This might be all well and good but it won’t heal your childhood wounds.

When we think about happiness, it’s often regarded as something that comes and goes, like thoughts, and can’t be controlled. Sure you can choose to do things that you want to do but essentially if you have a good or bad day at work, it’s all circumstances that are beyond your control. Same as if you have an argument in your relationship, it’s the highs and lows of dating. Completely out of your hands, you tell yourself. Singles seem to think of chemistry and choosing a partner with the same regard. You can’t control who you like, you can’t control who you have chemistry with is what we would like to believe but that just isn’t the case.

Single men and women allow themselves to be attracted to what they have been told they should value beauty, wealth, intelligence and power. Anyone who seems superior in any of these areas is often the most desired people, the catches. When you are a “nice” guy or woman, it’s likely that you are simply average in all categories. When looking for a partner you can’t aim too high but you don’t want to aim too low. You’re stuck in a pattern of values that aren’t your own.

Singles again and again want seek potential dates that excel in at least one category. The lengths we go through to find those that excel in more than one are embarrassing. Maybe you feel you are that particular person who has it all and are looking for your “match.” But as I mentioned, you’re actually looking for yourself, which you can’t find in another person.

My suggestion to anyone who feels there is validity in who loves you or dates you, or wants to date you is to reprioritize what makes you feel good.

Too often we don’t feel good about ourselves on our own so we give others the power to make us feel good. When they are nice to us we feel great, when they are mean to us we feel worthless and rejected. Who you date is a reflection of how you feel about yourself but don’t judge others by societies standards. Dating someone who makes you happy, who is kind and sensitive, caring and understanding are the qualities that matter the most. The hype that we must all look like the perfect couple, have the perfect jobs and be the Ken and Barbie of our friends is unrealistic.

It is not a definition for happiness. The [dating] truth is who you date does essentially define how you feel about yourself, who you are as a person and what you value most in a relationship. It’s important to choose wisely but more important to set your own standards.

3 thoughts on “How To Tell If The Person You’re Dating Is The Right Person For You”

I’ve been dating this sweet man for 4.5 mos. He admitted from the beginning that his past relationships didn’t workout because of his texting and returned phone calls were not returned right away. Our dates are 1 to 2 times a month. I made the mistake of asking if we were exclusive not because I wanted him to commit but because I wasn’t sure if I should continue dating others. He has always been good at replying to my msgs and calls. I last saw him 4 days ago and he apologized for not seeing me more and said he missed me. I’ve been out of town for the last 3 days but stayed intouch with him via texts and he replied. I came back yesterday called just to say “hi”. This is the first time he’s taken this long to reply. We’ve gone days without talking but he’s always replied. I choose to believe he is on a mountain snowboarding with no service or maybe he’s passed out unconscious from the excitement of my return. Idk, but I hope to hear from him. In the meantime, I’m dating, but he’s the one always on my mind. Am I losing my mind? Absolutely !! But I feel one call is sufficient. If he’s interested he’ll reply.

Thank you for reading and for your comment. It’s very smart and insightful. I think another important thing to remember is that his lack of response is not a value judgement against you. You’re fabulous. and good for you to continuing to date other people. Timing plays a HUGE role in dating and maybe now isn’t the best time to progress the relationship. Maybe he isn’t the right match, just a really positive sign that you’re moving in the right direction. Whatever the case, just make yourself a priority and do what is right for you. If that means being patient with him, be patient. If it means moving on, then move on. You seem to have a great perspective on what is happening and I really applaud you for staying calm. I hope this was helpful.

I thoroughly loved your tips on if you want to keep your man.. Though I myself comes from the men fraternity yet could not refrain from liking the minute detail you explained as I Could have easily relate to each point 😄. That's why , the marriage kills the romance because of those bad traits.

Miss Solomon - He Hasn’t Called, Now What…

Thank you for your comment, and for reading. My advice is this. A man should be cherishing and chasing you. A man should be worried that he will lose you if he doesn't show you attention. If a man isn't treating you like you're valuable to him, don't stay with him. Show your own value by leaving him alone. You don't need anyone in your life who makes you feel like you're second class. I hope this was helpful.

Miss Solomon - 5 Bad Habits That Chase Men Away

Thank you so much for your comment and thank you for reading! I know this is easy to say but the best way to approach men that you like is to remove yourself from the outcome. Yes, you want a date, and I think it's great that you took the initiative but don't beat yourself up about the outcome. The circumstances might not be right. There is one way I recommend taking action in dating to see results. It's a simple process - Step 1. Write down 3 possible scenarios A,B,C - A being if nothing happens, B being if it something happens but not what you expected, C being if your ideal results happen. Then try to imagine how you would feel in each scenario. Prepare yourself for no response, for a rejection, or for a date. If you're prepared for any outcome, its easy to take action. Just don't NEED anything certain result. Just take action because you're a brave person willing to take risks, and go after what you want. Instead of worrying about the result, just focus on taking action. It's not about what happens, it's about taking the action, accepting the result as feedback and moving forward with new information. I think you did a great thing! and the action itself means more than the result because you showed confidence. If you don't get a date, that's ok. But don't stop right taking action where you can. I hope this was helpful.

Danica - 5 Bad Habits That Chase Men Away

there is this guy who flirts with me, shows all 32 teeth when smiling at me and sighs around me a lot, well I do like him and think the feeling is mutual, but ive asked men out in the past and that did NOT turn out as I had hoped. but I decided to give it another shot by giving my crush a Christmas card and writing in it the following "me and you coffee with my name/number" and if he is interested he has my digits. is that too much or not.

lizzy - He Hasn’t Called, Now What…

i want u to advice me ma.there is dis guy v bn lvn for d past 10yrs i lata told im my filns and he agri to date ever since dat day he hasnt called or text v bn the 1 textn and calln.what can i do