Zap2it rounded up all of Schmidt's best quotes from Season 1 of "New Girl." Did your favorite make the cut?

2/28

Episode: "Christmas":

"Oh, a menorah! Judaism, son!"

3/28

Episode: "Cece Crashes":

To Cece, listing the things he loves about India: "I love 'Slumdog.' I love naan. I love pepper. I love Ben Ki... Show More »

To Cece, listing the things he loves about India: "I love 'Slumdog.' I love naan. I love pepper. I love Ben Kingsley; the stories of Rudyard Kipling. I have respect for cows, of course. I love the Taj Mahal, Deepak Chopra, anyone named Patel. I love monsoon. I love cobras in baskets." « Less

4/28

Episode: "Landlord":

On his mural: "It is a sexually charged, zero gravity tea ceremony!"

5/28

Episode: "Valentine's Day":

To Cece: "Where's your boyfriend?"CeCe: "We're meeting up later because he has a little surprise for m... Show More »

To Cece: "Where's your boyfriend?"CeCe: "We're meeting up later because he has a little surprise for me."Schmidt: "Spoiler: it's his penis." « Less

6/28

Episode: "Christmas":

"I found this place on 3rd Street where you can design your own perfume: Base notes of cocoa because of your brown...ness, ... Show More »

"I found this place on 3rd Street where you can design your own perfume: Base notes of cocoa because of your brown...ness, sea salt because it kind of sounds like 'Cece,' and sandalwood -- Sandalwood, always up to no good!" « Less

7/28

Episode: "Wedding":

"I'm really gonna need you to step it up tonight, okay? When I see you, I wanna be thinking, 'Who let the dirty slu... Show More »

"I'm really gonna need you to step it up tonight, okay? When I see you, I wanna be thinking, 'Who let the dirty slut out of the slut house?'" « Less

8/28

Episode: "The Story of the 50":

"Damn it! I can't find my driving moccasins anywhere!"

9/28

Episode: "Bully":

To Cece: "I want to tell people about us because I think you are the dopest, flyest, smartest, ballsiest woman that I've s... Show More »

To Cece: "I want to tell people about us because I think you are the dopest, flyest, smartest, ballsiest woman that I've sexually enjoyed in really long time." « Less

10/28

Episode: "Cece Crashes":

"Nick, I came up with the best name for an uncircumcised penis: bishop in a turtleneck."

11/28

Episode: "The Story of the 50":

"Has anyone seen my good pea coat?"

12/28

Episode: "Thanksgiving":

"Well, I can blanch or I can talk but I can't do both!"

13/28

Episode: "Naked":

"What if he gets into an accident? What if he's horribly disfigured, and I have to identify him, and all that remains are ... Show More »

"What if he gets into an accident? What if he's horribly disfigured, and I have to identify him, and all that remains are his private parts? I'm standing there, I'm saying, 'Sorry, officer, I can't help you, because no, I haven't seen his penis.' An then boom, he's buried in an unmarked grave." « Less

14/28

Episode: "The Story of the 50":

"Guess whose personalized condoms just arrived!"

15/28

Episode: "Landlord":

To Cece, after she says there's nothing less sexy than a dude asking if he can kiss you: "Nothing? I mean, what if I at... Show More »

To Cece, after she says there's nothing less sexy than a dude asking if he can kiss you: "Nothing? I mean, what if I ate my own hair and pooped out a wig? What if I called my mom after sex and described it to her? What if I had a croissant blog?" « Less

16/28

Episode: "Jess and Julia":

To Jess and Julia, after getting out of the shower: "Damp towel, damp! It's like a really big wet nap. I feel lik... Show More »

To Jess and Julia, after getting out of the shower: "Damp towel, damp! It's like a really big wet nap. I feel like I'm being licked by a golden retriever. Look at this bathroom. There should not be two girls in this bathroom. You're too humid." « Less

17/28

Episode: "Valentine's Day":

"'Outliers' -- you should read it. Malcolm Gladwell. It's one of my desert island books, along wi... Show More »

"'Outliers' -- you should read it. Malcolm Gladwell. It's one of my desert island books, along with Machiavelli's 'The Prince,' 'Freak' by John Leguizamo, any of the scripts from the first season of 'Vampire Diaries,' a little 'Phantom Tollbooth...'" « Less

18/28

Episode: "Naked":

"Jess, you can't laugh at a naked man -- especially Nick. Nick is delicate. Like a flower. Like a chubby, damaged flower w... Show More »

"Jess, you can't laugh at a naked man -- especially Nick. Nick is delicate. Like a flower. Like a chubby, damaged flower who hates himself." « Less

19/28

Episode: "Thanksgiving":

To Jess: "Here's another tip, don't ask a guy out on a first date on the least sexy holiday in America."Jess: ... Show More »

To Jess: "Here's another tip, don't ask a guy out on a first date on the least sexy holiday in America."Jess: "What are the sexiest holidays in America?"Schmidt: "The most sexy holidays are the 4th of July -- Independence Day, obviously. Women's History Month. Christmas." « Less

To Cece, after she asks about having car sex: "I can't do any of my moves in there. I like to improvise with my body. I... Show More »

To Cece, after she asks about having car sex: "I can't do any of my moves in there. I like to improvise with my body. I'm like a sexual snowflake. Each night with me is like a unique experience." « Less

'New Girl': 'Schmidt happens!' and other ridiculous Schmidt quotes

There's plenty to love about Schmidt, "New Girl's" resident ladies' man who
manages to score chicks in spite of himself. But the best part about the guy is
the fact that he's got an endless stream of catchphrases and ridiculous sayings
that w...
Show More »

There's plenty to love about Schmidt, "New Girl's" resident ladies' man who
manages to score chicks in spite of himself. But the best part about the guy is
the fact that he's got an endless stream of catchphrases and ridiculous sayings
that we can't stop quoting. Click through for some of his best.
« Less