Self Growth Through Anger

Anger can be a valuable tool if you know how to use it

Self growth through anger can actually be some of the greatest lessons you'll ever learn.
This particular emotion is a great indicator that something is seriously wrong and that you need to do something about it.

If you take the time to actually examine your anger instead of
just "feeling" angry you'll gain incredible insights into yourself. The
problem is usually you’re too busy being mad at people or external
events to learn the valuable information your emotion is trying to tell
you. You're blaming others for your feelings when really you should be
looking inside.

Here are two ways to enable self growth through anger in a positive way:

1. Why Are You Angry?

Ask yourself, “Why are you really feeling angry?”

Understanding why you feel so angry can provide you with some
surprising answers. It's these answers which can enable you to suddenly
grow spiritually and mentally because you'll suddenly understand why
you've been reacting a certain way.

So, to start with, ask yourself, "Why am I so angry?" If your
response is something like “because Joe didn’t pick up the dry cleaning
like I asked him to” then you’re not looking deep enough. Blaming
others is the superficial response.

The fascinating thing about anger is that what you think makes
you angry (people, events, situations) really isn't what causes you to
get upset. They are simply the trigger for your emotion. They set off
something inside of you by hitting on one your "buttons" or something
that causes intense feelings for you. For example they may bring out
past feelings of guilt or make you feel like you're being rejected or
that you're not good enough. Or you may be feeling fear.

You can learn a lot about yourself by analyzing what feelings are
stirring within. Once you figure it out and deal with it then you'll
find that the trigger has no power over you anymore. A situation that
would make you absolutely furious before will simply have no effect.

So, when you realize that you're feeling anger, ask yourself what
bothers you the most about the situation? What is it telling you about
yourself, your needs, your wants, etc.? You need to work through the
emotion of anger as soon as you can. It's your reaction you need to
figure out. Dig deep and learn from that. You'll be amazed at what you
can discover about yourself.

I can give you a personal example. I went to a meeting once and I
was verbally attacked over an application I supported at my work place.
Various people went on and on about how terrible this system was and
that it never worked. That didn’t bother me that much. I was used to
that but one of the comments that was said was, “your job is pointless”.
This really upset me and at the time, I was absolutely furious with
that comment. My immediate reaction was:

- How dare they say that?
- Didn’t they know how hard I worked?
- Didn’t they know how much overtime I’d been putting in lately?

I was so angry and upset that they would treat me that way. Once
I took the time to think about what was really making me so mad, I
learned a lot. I realized that the comment was more true than I wanted
to admit. In the big scheme of things, my job was pointless. It wasn’t
what I really wanted to be doing with my life and this is what
frustrated me the most. Here I was pouring part of my heart and soul
into a job I didn’t even really want to do. I had convinced myself that
I was important there. That I was making a difference. I wasn’t. I
was using it as a crutch because I didn’t have the confidence in myself
to take the scary road towards what I really wanted to do. As soon as I
realized that, a lot of my anger just melted away. I also realized that
I needed to start focusing on what I really wanted to do.

I now consider this incident as a great gift. It got me back on
track to moving in the direction I want to go with my life. I probably
wouldn’t be where I am today if I hadn’t taken the time to figure out
why I was really so angry.

2. Change Yourself, Not Others

The other thing to remember when you're feeling angry is that you can't change other people.
You can only change yourself and how you react to the situation. By
changing your reaction you can end up changing how the other person will
respond to you but you can't change them first.

Once you figure out why you’re so angry, you then have a pretty
good idea of what you need to change. You'll also have a better idea of
what personal issues you need to work on. Feel unappreciated? Figure
out why and how do you change your own feelings towards that? Mad at
your spouse for burning the toast? Most likely that’s not what’s really
bothering you. Usually, it’s a symptom, not the cause. Take control
of the situation and change yourself. Your emotion has provided you
with the clue, now figure it out.

When Using the 2 Steps, Remember the Following:

A Sign That You've Figured it Out

A sure sign you’ve figured out the true cause of your anger is the
moment when you feel the anger suddenly subside. In the above example,
if I’d left my soul searching at the point where I was still angry at
not being appreciated by my co-workers, I wouldn’t have been able to
discover the real issue. I would have still been very frustrated and
angry at the external situation. Annoyed with my co-workers when they
were only a symptom, not the true cause. As soon as I understood what
was really happening, all the anger disappeared. I also knew I needed
to make changes and from understanding why I was mad I had a better idea
of what I needed to do. My anger truly was a great gift for me.

Until you figure out the real reason, the emotion will remain.
It will be like when you have a thorn in your thumb. You may think you
have it out but when you feel a prick every once in awhile, you know
it’s still there. It’s not out until you deal with it. A sure sign
that you haven't dealt with the real reason is that you find that
you get irritated very easily with everyone and everything. It will
seem like everyone is just out to wreck your day.

It's Worth the Effort

When you’re absolutely furious at something or someone, it can be
hard to get yourself to start thinking about why it bothers you so much.
The more you do it, the easier it gets though. And you feel a lot
better afterwards because you have used it for personal self growth
rather than letting it’s destructive side hurt you. You are able to
move forward with your life because you have resolved the issue instead
of just stuffing it down inside. If you deny your true feelings,
episodes of anger are going to occur again and again until you deal with
it.

Anger is also a negative emotion which takes a huge amount of energy. You may also find that your immune system is reduced if you’re holding on to a lot of anger. Use your
energy for positive things and learn from your anger. Think of it as a
gift you’re being given to learn about yourself and how to get the life
you really want.

You learn in life that the only person you can
really correct and change is yourself.Katharine Hepburn