Sunday, February 28, 2010

Looks to be a nice sunday morning....And I'm ready for
that chip-beef gravy on biscuits....Weeeeeeee.
Your gonna miss out on that "Witchy".....
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Yep....we still have some snow on the ground, and now

they say we're gonna get more Tues., and Wed......

O-well bring it on...And just think...Canada had to truck snow in....

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I was gonna have an apple, but it bite me...

You gotta watch them.......mean critters..

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You didn't expect that move did ya?

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Fight...fight....winner takes on Bud-light beer.....

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I think just about all kids play like this....I know I did....

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This is a lowland Tenrecs...them's quills and they will stick you.

Weird looking..... don't worry I won't touch him.....

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Local...Teabaggers....gotta watch them terrorists.....

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I don't think it'll Fly, Bubba...

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Looks like a biker friend I know.....Jim is that you??

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♥♥♥

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~~ A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the bottle.

During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year-old
daughter to answer the phone.
"It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother.
Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone right now.
She's hitting the bottle."

☺
~~ Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her
obstetrician's office.
When the exam was over, she shyly began, "My husband wants me to
ask you..."
"I know, I know," the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her
shoulder.......... "I get asked that all the time.
Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy."
"No, that's not it at all," Brenda confessed.
"He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn."

☺
~~ last time I went to the therapist.
He noticed how stressed I was and asked what was wrong.
I told him about my finaces being a wreck and how I was worried about
losing my job.........
I now have to pay for the sessions in advance....with cash.

☺
~~ A mother of two teenage boys, was constantly being asked to
look for things they couldn't find.
Most of the time these items were directly in front of them.
Seeing her frustration over this when it happened yet again,
one of her sons remarked:
"It's not my fault, Mom. I don't have 'parental vision':"

☺
~~ The teacher said to her class, "Maria got the highest grade on the
Spanish test, which shows what can happen when parents take the
trouble to study along with their children and speak the language at home."
"In that case," Billy piped up, "I can't wait to take my next math test.
My parents are both squares, and they speak in circles."

☺
~~ A little boy was in a relative's wedding.
As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop and
turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side).
While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar.
So it went, step, step, “ROAR,” step, step, “ROAR,” all the way down
the aisle.
As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard
by the time he reached the pulpit.
The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from
all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the
pulpit.
When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said,
"I was being the Ring Bear."

☺
~~ My 85-year-old mother had been feeling dizzy, and we were sitting
at the table discussing possible reasons for this.
Laurel, my 14- year-old daughter, decided to show off what she had
learned in health class.
"Maybe," she said, "Grandma's dizzy because the fallopian tubes in her
ears are plugged."

☺
~~ While studying theater at the London Academy of Music and
Dramatic Arts, Michael Lerner briefly shared a house with Yoko Ono,
who he later called a very "strange woman."
One night, for example, they shared Chinese food together, along
with some conversation.
"She was talking to me," he recalled, "about the moon being a grapefruit!"

☺
~~ Lecturers should remember that the capacity of the mind to
absorb is limited to what the seat can endure.

☺
~~ Early in my career as a judge, I conducted hearings for those
involuntarily committed to our state psychiatric hospital.
On my first day, I asked a man at the door of the hospital,
"Can you tell me where the courtroom is?"
"Why?" he asked.
"I'm the judge."
Pointing to the building, he whispered, "Don't tell them that.
They'll never let you out."

☺
~~ "Doc," said the young man lying down on the couch,
"You've got to help me!
Every night I have the same horrible dream.
I'm lying in bed when all of a sudden five women rush in and start
tearing off my clothes."
The psychiatrist nodded, "And what do you do?"
"I push them away!"
"I see........ And what can I do to help you with this?"
The patient implored, "Please--break my arms!"
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Todays Thought:
I hope our wisdom will grow with our power, and teach us that the

Healthcare protesters........Funny...
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♥♥♥
☺
~~ It was the day of the big sale.

Rumours of the sale and some advertising in the local paper were the
main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30 in the morning in front
of the store.
A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed
back, amid loud and colourful curses.
On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw,
and knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again.
As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line,
"That does it!
If they hit me one more time, I don't open the damn store!"

☺
~~ If you had a three story house and were in the second floor,
isn't it possible that you can be upstairs and downstairs at the same time?

☺
~~ I've learned to keep my eyes open when riding a roller coaster.
That way I can see where I am going and lean into the curves and
prepare for the hills.
Life is a roller coaster filled with some of the most unusual and torturous
twists imaginable.

☺
~~ Mom raised five kids alone, thanks to the help of some kind neighbors.
One fall, Mom baked each of our angels an apple pie.
We went back and forth all afternoon delivering pies.
"Why don't you rake Mrs Cronin's lawn, too?"
Mom said, giving us one last pie.
By then we'd worked up an appetite.
"God, let me trip and drop this pie so we can eat it," my brother prayed.
No such luck.
We knocked on Mrs. Cronin's door.
"For all the help you've been to us," I said.
And we'd also like to rake your lawn."
"Boys, you don't have to do that.
I help because I can."
"Well we can rake!" I said.
My brother and I got to work.
When we were done Mrs. Cronin called us inside.
There on the table were two huge slices of pie heaped with vanilla ice
cream, for us!
To this day, lending a hand leaves a taste every bit as sweet as
Mom's apple pie.

☺
~~ Running short of shovels on a remote road project, the foreman
wired the home office for more.
That afternoon he received the following telegram in return :
"Have no more to send; tell men to lean on each other."

☺
~~ While out one evening, my mother noticed a young gentleman who
resembled her old high-school sweetheart.
She approached him to ask if he was her old boyfriend's son.
Unfortunately, her phrasing left something to be desired.
Excusing herself, she politely asked, "Do you know who your father is?"

☺
~~ It was an emotional day for me when my six-year-old twins headed
off for their first day of school.
Four-year-old Andrew and I accompanied them to the corner to wait
for the bus.
When it arrived and the boys climbed on and waved good-bye,
I could no longer hold back my tears.
"Don't cry, Mommy," said Andrew reassuringly.
"Maybe one day you'll get to ride in a school bus too!"

☺
~~ At 1:00 a.m., loading the last of the fishing gear,
Dad realized he had forgotten his car keys on the kitchen table.
We didn't want to wake Mom up, so I hoisted myself through an
unlocked kitchen window and retrieved the keys.
Trout in hand, we later returned home still laughing about our
"cat burglar" escapade.
"I'm glad you two had such a wonderful time," Mom greeted us,
"but next time, I wish you'd remember to lock the front door
before leaving."

☺
~~ I was discussing family resemblance with a class of ten-year- olds.
One bright spark informed me: "My mom said that the reason children
look like their parents is because of something in your pants."
This stumped me for a minute.
Then I caught on. "Oh" I said,
"You mean it's in your genes."
"Right," he replied quite seriously...... "It's something in your jeans."

☺
~~ A blonde and her brunette friend were talking.
"I hate all the blonde jokes people say."
"Oh, they are only jokes.
There are allot of stupid people out there.
Here I'll prove it to you."
So they went outside and hailed a taxi driver.
"Please take me to 29 Nickle Street to see if i'm home."
said the brunette.
The taxi drove them and when they finally got out the brunette looked
at the blonde and said.
"See that guy was really stupid."
"No kidding." Replies the blonde, "there was a pay phone just around
the corner, you could have called instead!"
☺
☺
Todays Thought; Doesn't a lightning rod on top of church show a lack of faith?

Friday, February 26, 2010

Good Morning, Neighbors....Windy...Windy this morning....don't go
outside without a couple bricks in your pockets.....
Also cold!!...No sunrise pictures this morning.......
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Hotdogs in a blanket for breakfast??

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With a glass of Pup??

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Looks like their having fun....I think?

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Looks like someone got loaded, this morning.......

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Watch out for them fellows down there.........

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I'm glad some one's watching out for it...

It gets pretty corny some times......

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YEAH!! WE HEAR YA......

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See were you put your butts.....

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Oh, My...you an't right....your wrong doing....

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Yeah, I'm wondering too....

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I'll leave on this one.....

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♥♥♥

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~~ A woman phoned her dentist when she received a huge bill.

"I'm shocked!" she complained.
"This is three times what you normally charge."
"Yes, I know," said the dentist.
"But you yelled so loud, you scared away two other patients."

☺
~~ A young Dentist had just started his own Clinic.
He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.
Sitting there, he saw a man come into the front office.
Wishing to appear the "busy dentist", the gentleman picked
up the phone and started to pretend he had to give an appointment.
Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"
The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate the phone.....

☺
~~ When your photo is taken for your driver's license,
why do they tell you to smile?
If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license,
are you going to be smiling?

☺~~ "Mr. President," said one of his aides, "I was wondering, sir,
if it might be possible for my son to work somewhere in the White House,"
"Of course," replied the president. "What does he do?"
The aide threw up his hands and said, "Nothing."
"Excellent," noted the president. "we won't even have to train him."

☺
~~ The commuter approached the conductor.
"This morning I accidentally left a bottle of Scotch on the train.
By any chance, was it turned in to the lost and found?"
"No" he replied, "but the guy who found it was."

☺
~~ A lady is throwing a party for her granddaughter, and had gone
all out... a caterer, band, and a hired clown.
Just before the party started, two bums showed up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman told them that she would give them a meal if they will help chop some wood for her.
Gratefully, they headed to the rear of the house.
The guests arrived, and all was going well with the children having a
wonderful time.
But the clown hadn't shown up.
After a half an hour, the clown finally called to report that he was stuck
in traffic, and would probably not make the party at all.
The woman was very disappointed and unsuccessfully tried to entertain
the children herself.
She happened to look out the window and saw one of the bums doing
cartwheels across the lawn.
She watched in awe as he swung from tree branches, did midair flips,
and leaped high in the air.
She spoke to the other bum and said, "What your friend is doing is
absolutely marvelous.
I have never seen such a thing.
Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for
the children at the party?
I would pay him $50!"
The other bum says, "Well, I dunno.
Let me ask him -
HEY WILLIE! FOR $50,.........
WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE...

☺
~~ Redneck.......

* You are a Redneck if your stereo speakers used to belong
to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.

* You may be a Redneck if your coffee table used to be a cable spool.

* You may be a Redneck if you no longer drink wine ever since the
screw cap got caught up your nose.

* You may be a Redneck if you think the French Riviera is a foreign car.

* You may be a Redneck if you have the word "howdy" in your
answering machine message.

* You know you're a Redneck when you think a Volvo is part of a
woman's anatomy.

* You know you're a Redneck if you think the winter olympic sport of
curling is part of the "Big Hair" competition.

☺
~~ Robert, age eight, was the son of strict Presbyterian parents.
He was very, very good, worked hard at school, did his chores, and
was generally helpful and obedient.
But one morning, for some reason, he came down to breakfast in a very
nasty mood.
When his mother served him prunes, he snarled, "I don't want prunes,"
and he refused to eat them.
His parents were aghast, and his father said, "Robert, you know that
God commanded children to honor and obey their parents,
and He will punish those who do not."
But Robert still refused and was angrily sent back to bed,
and the prunes were put in the refrigerator.
A few minutes later, a terrible thunderstorm came up with great roars
and flashes of lightning.
"Ah, wonderful," said Robert's mother, "this will teach him a lesson."
Robert came back down the stairs, went into the kitchen and opened
the fridge.
From there, just after another flash and roar, the boy's voice was heard
saying, "Heck of a fuss to make about a few stupid prunes."

☺
~~ Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that
something new to eat will have materialized?

☺
~~ Realizing at the last minute that it was his father's birthday,
a teenage boy rushed to the corner store to grab a card.
He quickly found a son-to-father card, but neglected to read it carefully.
Later when his father opened his gifts, he was surprised to read aloud,
"Happy birthday to a wonderful Dad.
Now that I'm a father too . . ."
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Todays Thought: God gives every bird it's food,

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Good Morning...Frienders and neighbors....
Well, we didn't get any rain or snow, I guess it went north
of us.... But it's cold and windy today....
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A new morning.....

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The sign post..... so the planes don't get lost......

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Oh, He's all tuckered out.....

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Another one tired... I guess they been playing too long.

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Oh, My..she's cute......

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A weird looking cat....big eyes.....

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Oh, my....lovers?

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I thought my school was tough...but we didn't carry guns.....

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These were our Cheer Leaders.....

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Oh, My......

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♥♥♥

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~~ I told my therapist I think I suffer from low self esteem, and she

said that I shouldn't worry because that is a very common feeling
among losers.

☺
~~ Her arms laden with Christmas gifts, Mrs. Douglas remembered she
had forgotten to mail a card to her childhood friend Faye.
Buying a card and dashing into the post office, she bought a first-class
stamp.
"Excuse me, she said, her arms aching.
"but must I put the stamp on myself?"
"No ma'am," deadpanned the clerk, "it goes on the envelope."

☺
~~ I'd just come home from my sixth medical appointment of the
week with one more to go, so I was in a lousy mood when my daughter
called.
After I recited my woes, my daughter said,
"Well, seven doctors is better than one coroner."

☺
~~ While teaching a Grade 9 English class, I attempted to build the
students' vocabularies by having them use the new words we had
collected from a novel.
On one occasion they were instructed to write a sentence using the
verb "emerge."
One student's answer:
"Grandpa fell down last night and we had to take him to emerge."

☺
~~ Mother to daughter in local department store:
"If it has anybody's name on it, it's too expensive."

☺
~~ Working on my master's degree, I was enduring a long night of
studying in my unfinished basement.
My four-year-old daughter, Liz peered down at me from the top of the
stairs and asked me what I was doing.
I told her that I needed some time alone to finish a bit of work and that
I would come upstairs shortly to play.
Noticing one of my books, she asked me what I was reading.
"A book on finance," I told her.
She looked very confused, then came down the stairs and looked in,
under and around the book.
"Daddy, finance?" she questioned.
"I don't see any fine ants!"

☺
~~ On a recent appointment with my therapist, I told him I had
something very interesting to tell him.
When I was done, I woke him up, and paid him.
I like the way he let's me get things off my chest without interupting me.

☺
~~ I had been complaining for months about my noisy old upright
vacuum cleaner.
When it finally bit the dust, I happily ran out and bought the
snappy-looking red canister vacuum that I'd had my eye on for some
time.
I really wasn't aware of how much I bragged about the new addition
to my cleaning arsenal until the day my husband, George,
walked in just as I came around the corner with my new vacuum in tow.
"Wow, honey!" he said.
"When did you teach it to follow you like that?"

☺
~~ The irate diner raised his hand to catch the attention of a passing
waiter.
"Excuse me," said the man, "but how long have you been working here?"
"About a year," replied the waiter.
"In that case," continued the diner,
"it couldn't have been you that took my order."

☺
~~ "Yes, mother, I've had a hard day.
Gladys has been most difficult - I know I ought to be more firm,
but it is hard.
Well, you know how she is.
Yes, I remember you warned me.
I remember you told me that she was a vile creature who would
make my life miserable and you begged me not to marry her.
You were perfectly right.
You want to speak with her? All right."
He looks up from the telephone and calls to his wife in the next room,
"Gladys, your mother wants to talk to you!"
☺
☺
Todays Thought: Everyone thinks of changing the world but no one thinks of changing

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Good Morning...Friends and neighbors.......
Rain and snow again today......
I'm waiting for spring.......
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No wonder I feel funny this morning.....

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He's saying; Did I read that right??

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I just don't think this will work....

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I DON"T LIKE SPIDERS......

A wolf spider with her babys.....

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He don't like spiders ether......

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Big "Mac Pants"??

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I don't like this clown..looks mean..

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What can you say??

☺

I thought these were Funny.... some of these are really funny.

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Telling like it is.......

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♥♥♥

☺

~~ As a commercial diver in the offshore oil fields of the Gulf of Mexico,

I was assigned to a job on board a derrick barge.
After my dive I spent the required time in the decompression chamber,
and went to bed.
Later I walked into the TV room, where I was surprised to see the entire
dive crew sitting around.
I asked one colleague, dressed in his wet suit, why work had stopped.
Without looking up at me, he replied, "It's raining."

☺
~~ While I was paying for my items in a local store, the man behind me
laid his purchases on the counter.
Among them was a large, flowery birthday card with
"To my wonderful wife" printed on the front.
The clerk said, "You've chosen our biggest and prettiest card."
The man nodded sadly and replied, "One day late."

☺
~~ When a womancomplained of difficulty breathing, Clay, and his
partner -- both EMTs -- rushed to her home.
Clay placed a sensor on her finger to measure her pulse and blood
oxygen.
Then he began to gather her information. "What's your age?" he asked.
"Fifty-eight," answered the patient, eyeing the beeping device on her
finger.
"What does that do?"
"It's a lie detector," said Clay with a straight face.
"Now, what did you say your age was?"
"Sixty-seven," answered the woman sheepishly.

☺
~~ A job application made me do a double take.
After the entry "Sex," the applicant had written, "Once in Florida."

☺
~~ Comes a certain day in spring when an indefinable softness creeps
into the air.
And, as naturally as they breathe, small boys and not-so-small boys
respond to a secret signal and march out to the fields with kites.

☺
~~ Some of Peter Falk's favorite pranks involved removing his glass
eye.
Once during a Little League game he was called out on a play at
home plate.
Peter disagreed and handed his glass eye to the umpire, saying,
"I think you need this more than I do."

☺
~~ My friend, Pete , a fledgling cook, explained how
his eyes watered when he sliced onions.
Trying to be helpful, I told him his eyes wouldn't tear if he cut
the onions under water.
"Well, yes," he said, "but how do you breathe?"

☺
~~ A loving mother teaches her child to walk alone.
She holds out her arms, yet too far away to actually support him.
Her face beckons.
The child strives toward her embrace, emphasizing his need for her
at the very moment he is proving that he can do without her.

☺
~~ One day my brother-in-law noticed an elderly lady slowly pushing
a cart through the supermarket parking lot.
Ever courteous, he insisted on taking it over for her.
The woman struggled alongside, doing her best to keep up.
At the entrance he said, "Here you go, ma'am," and gave the cart back
to her.
Catching her breath, she said, "Thank you, but I was using it to lean on."

☺
~~ My five year old daughter asked me the question I'd been dreading.
"Mommy , how are babies made?"
I did my best to explain but she still looked confused.
"What about kittens? She asked.
"Well it's exactly then same way, " I said.
"Wow!" she said excitedly...... "My daddy can do anything"
☺
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Todays Thought; Having lawyers create laws is like having doctors create diseases!