18 Political Campaign Ads that made me question my reality

18 Political Campaign Ads that made me question my reality

If anyone ever tells you they are having a bad day, don’t listen to them, because they haven’t spent the last five hours watching Political Campaign Ads/Songs. With the Snap Election just days away, let’s all come together and bask in how abysmal the human race really is.

These are in no particular order (anarchy – Take that establishment!) but let’s begin with something current anyway…

Sam Harrison – ‘I Feel Like Jeremy Corbyn’

At a point you have to ask whether people sit at home and think about how much their favourite politicians will love their videos. Is that what you did Sam? Did you think you were helping? ‘My girlfriend tells me that I’ve got a big mandate.’ Lord above. I don’t know whether to cry, vomit, cry or cry after this.

4/10 – People actually take the time to write these songs.

Votin’

Brexit dragged up all manner of anger, frustration, fear and insecurity. But nothing – and I mean absolutely nothing – comes close to this atrocity. Where to begin? The irony of spelling learnin’ wrong? The fact that as part of the prime demographic (18-24) for this steaming pile of cringe I know that the letter ‘g’ exists and even indulge in usin’ it sometimes? I don’t know but please don’t make me talk about it anymore.

Eurgh. Look, I get it Ivan. No really, I do. You want to discover what makes Londoners tick. What better way than going to meet with and talk to them? But here’s the thing, that’s where this should have stopped. Meeting with the public? Great. Engaging with them? Fantastic. Listening to them? Sensational! Living with them? Abandon ship/Lock the door/Run for the hills.

1/10 – A nice idea executed with all the finesse of a pig using chopsticks.

Joni Ernst – ‘Castrating Hogs’

A scene from Simon Danczuk’s most intimate, sobering nightmares. This monstrosity is enough to make anyone shiver. If any men watching emitted an involuntary high-pitched squeal, don’t feel ashamed, even if that squeal is exactly what Joni wants. You can see Beelzebub dancing in Joni’s pale, merciless eyes as she viciously wills castration on everyone watching. If Joni comes up on your tinder, swipe left before she devours your soul.

666/10 – I cannot in good faith endorse satanic ritual.

Captain SKA – ‘Liar Liar’

Don’t hold back will you? This is savage, and it’s also blowing up right now (one million views and counting). Theresa May may think she’s Strong and Stable but she gets Captain SkA-ewered here. A tad (a lot) whiny for my taste though, we like fun and humour here.

5/10 -#KinderGentlerBlogPosts

Lyndon B Johnson – ‘Daisy’

Brexiteers might still moan about Project Fear, but as far as scaremongering goes this takes the biscuit. Its impact is somewhat lessened, however, by the fact that LBJ was famed for exposing his manhood to white house staff, foreign dignitaries and just about anyone who was within watching distance.

4/10 – An attack ad from a maniac who delighted in flashing everyone – thank goodness American Politics is so mundane these days.

Ted Cruz – ‘The Senator who saved Christmas’

If Ted had his way the Middle East would probably be getting carpet bombed out of existence with exploding bible extracts right now. But as distasteful and divisive as his foreign and domestic policy ideas are, it is those horrible, shifty eyebrows that make Cruz truly unsettling. Disturbing facial features aside, this is excellent. Bonus points for ‘The Grinch who lost her emails’ and ‘Rudolph the underemployed Reindeer’.

5/10 – Would be higher but Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer, so it’s not. I’d sooner spend my Christmas in Dante’s inferno than with the slimy senator.

Mike Gravel and his Rock

Stone-faced Mike Gravel, delivering a gritty message as he drops a rock into some water. We certainly think he made a splash.

7/10 – Is Mike’s message sinking in yet?

Dwight Eisenhower – ‘I Like Ike’

As far back as the 1950’s the Americans were pumping out content like this, and our last Prime Minister couldn’t remember which football team he supported (classic nutty geezer/pub legend/one of the lads Daveyboy Cameron eh). Once you’ve heard this delightful little number you’ll be bopping along to it for the rest of the week.

9.9/10 – ‘Ike for president, Ike for president, Ike for president…’

The Green Party – #GrownUpPolitics

How do you even pick a top moment? It’s impossible, but highlights are: Boris on his tricycle (I’m Prime Minister!), Jeremy’s nasty shadow cabinet (Put the rockets away) and, of course, lonely, lonely Tim Farron.

9.98/10 –If the Green Party were as good at politics as they are campaign videos we would be a single-party state.

Rick Santorum – ‘Game On’

It takes a special kind of ineptitude to be less electable than Mitt Romney, but hats off to Rick Santorum as he managed it in 2012. Skin-crawlingly cult-like – Rick’s devoted disciples demand ‘justice for the unborn,’ while lavishing praise on Rick for being: ‘Faithful to his wife and seven kids – he’ll be loyal to our land,’ (Ted Cruz/Danczuk/Berlusconi – take note).

0/10 – A torturous journey of fidget-inducing terror.

Zac Goldsmith – Who even knows what

An aberration. Lines such as ‘he is worthy of appreciation’ aren’t doing Mr Goldsmith any favours but the video is even more excruciating, as we are treated to Zac looking out of place and unsettled in various ‘common folk’ locations, including the tube (come on Zac, who are we kidding?)

3/10 – There is something there, but it’s buried so deep that only someone who has spent the last 4 hours listening to political campaign songs could recognise it.

The UKIP Calypso

The words UKIP and Calypso just don’t look right when you write them next to each other. Unsurprisingly, they also don’t sound right when forced into this unholy union dating back to 2014. In essence, Nigel Farage performing the Dementor’s kiss/an exorcism on West Indian Culture – profoundly uncomfortable listening.

2/10 – In the words of Ed Milliband: “It’s just wrong.”

Silvio Berlusconi – ‘Thank Goodness for Silvio’

Behold, feminism’s Anti-Christ. Hasn’t got much going for it on a musical level and I don’t buy that anyone has ever uttered the words ‘thank goodness for Silvio’. Thank goodness for what? Economic disarray? Mass unemployment? Flagrant misogyny? If you’re thankful for Silvio, you need to stop hanging out with Simon Danczuk on weekends.

3/10 – It’s three X’s Silvio, but not the type you like you dirty old cretin. You’re out.

Conservative friends of India – ‘David Cameron’

In an age where political discourse is often muddled and confusing, this song is reassuringly familiar in that I have no idea what’s going on. Remarkably, the song makes less sense still once translated. ‘The Sky is blue’ – oh, okay. And yet ‘David Cameron’ repeated in metronomic fashion holds a hypnotic and alluring quality.

5/10 – Bonus point for the pitch that the female singer hits – a boiling kettle.

Tony Blair – ‘1997’

In the context of this list, ‘things can only get better’ is devilishly appropriate. Loving the nostalgic nineties feel of the video. Stay with it until the big reveal towards the end – Mr Blair looks like a man who has just remembered he left the oven on.

6/10 – No real surprise that Labour won the election after this.

Donald Trump – ‘The Trump Jam’

Donald Trump’s political career has plumbed sinister and vitriolic depths, but this is unquestionably the most unforgivable mutation that the frothing Republican candidates’ posturing has created yet. An exemplary demonstration of Trump’s devastating proficiency when employing the Imperius curse – watching these bewitched children stumble around stage is uncomfortable viewing for even the hardiest of folk.

4/10 – Despicable and quite Covfefe.

Kennedy – ‘Kennedy, Kennedy, Kennedy’

Ladies, Gentlemen, Donald, we have a winner. Indoctrination at it’s simple and masterful best. The message is clear, it’s easy to join in and the lyrics are about as fun as political brainwashing could hope to be.

10/10 – Just about pips ‘I like Ike’, but only just…

Political Campaign Ads – Bizarre, Boastful & Bewildering

By Peter Jackson Eastwood and Emily Burditt

Here at The PHA Group, there’s nothing we love more than an integrated campaign. So it’s only right that we pay tribute to the weird and the wonderful of the political media world with our Top 10 Political Campaign Ads:

10 – Votin’

Brexit has dragged up all manner of anger, frustrations, fears and insecurities. But nothing – and I mean absolutely nothing – comes close to this atrocity. Where to begin? The irony of spelling learnin’ wrong? The fact that as a 21-year-old who is presumably the prime demographic for this steaming pile of cringe I (Peter) know that the letter ‘g’ exists and even indulge in usin’ it when I write? I don’t know but please don’t make me talk about it anymore.

Typin’, Watchin’, Groanin’, Hatin’, Ratin’ (-1000/10), Turnin’, off.

9 – Ivan Massow – Invite Ivan

You know what Ivan? I get this. I totally get it. You want to know what makes Londoners tick and you want to engage with a whole range of communities. What better way than going to meet them and going to talk to them? But here’s the thing, maybe that’s where this should have stopped. Meeting with the public? Great. Engaging with them? Fantastic. Listening to them? Sensational! Living with them? Abandon ship/Lock the door/Run for the hills.

1/10 – A nice idea executed with all the finesse of a pig using chopsticks.

8 – Joni Ernst – Castrating Hogs

A scene from Simon Danczuk’s most intimate, sobering nightmares. A monstrosity that is enough to make anyone shiver, but it holds particular horror for any men watching – so don’t feel guilty if you emitted an involuntary high-pitched squeal, even if that is exactly what Joni wants. You can clearly see Beelzebub dancing in Joni’s pale, merciless eyes as she utilises telepathy in a vicious attempt to castrate anyone watching. If Joni comes up on your tinder, swipe left before she devours your soul.

666/10 – We at The PHA Group do not endorse satanic ritual, under any circumstance.

7 – Lyndon B Johnson – ‘Daisy’

A haunting ad from the Cold War. The camera zooms in on the eyes of an innocent child before cutting to a nuclear explosion. Brexiteers might moan about Project Fear but as far as scaremongering goes this takes the biscuit. The only problem with this ad is that it’s about President Johnson – a man famed for allegedly exposing his manhood to white house staff, foreign dignitaries and just about anyone who was within watching distance. Also worth noting that his military decisions spawned the famous song – ‘Hey, hey LBJ, how many kids have you killed today?’

4/10 – Controversial but powerful. It’s just a shame that it’s attributed to a maniac who delighted in flashing everyone – thank goodness American Politics is so mundane these days in comparison…

6 – Ted Cruz – The Senator who saved Christmas

There are a multitude of things to distrust Ted Cruz for. If he had his way the Middle East would probably be getting carpet bombed out of existence with exploding bible extracts right now. But as distasteful and divisive as his foreign and domestic policy ideas might be, it is those horrible, shifty eyebrows that make Cruz truly unsettling. Disturbing facial features aside, this is an excellent ad. Bonus points for ‘The Grinch who lost her emails’ and ‘Rudolph the underemployed Reindeer’.

5/10 – Should it be higher? I know we shouldn’t discriminate just because it’s Ted Cruz, but we are doing anyway (If anyone should be understanding of discrimination after all, it is Ted). I’d sooner spend my Christmas in Dante’s inferno than with the slimy senator.

5 – Hillary Clinton – Attack ad on Donald Trump

Trump may think he can walk all over Hillary, but he could be in for a nasty shock. This inventive clip shows other prominent Republicans including: Ted Cruz, Mitt Romney and Jeb Bush laying into Trump. The only problem is that, if anything, it’s rather too kind to him. ‘A race-baiting, xenophobic religious bigot’? I have a feeling Donald will take that as flattery rather than an insult.

6/10 – Cunning to use Trump’s own party against him – things look like they are about to get seriously tasty in the presidential race. Not quite as cutting as we would like though – up the savagery Hillary!

4 – Donald Trump – attack ad on Hillary Clinton

Spare a thought for Hillary Clinton. As if being savaged by Ted Cruz at Christmas wasn’t enough, global barometer of morality Donald Trump is now sticking the boot in as well. Not content with labelling her ‘Crooked Hilary’, he has launched a series of withering attacks on the Democrat frontrunner (the barking clip just won’t go away). Inappropriate and childish, but come on, what else did you expect?

6.1/10 – Trump might be one of the worst people to walk the earth, but he knows how to put simple, memorable content out there. After winning the Democrat nomination, Hillary has plenty more of this to look forward to.

3 – Mike Gravel and his Rock

Stone-faced Mike Gravel, delivering a gritty message as he drops a rock into some water. We certainly think he made a splash.

7/10 – Is Mike’s message sinking in yet?

2 – Dwight Eisenhower – ‘I Like Ike’

Cruelly, foolishly, despicably overlooked by your favourite PHA bloggers for the Public Affairs top 10 political campaign songs. Well unlike most politicians, we don’t mind saying sorry when we get something wrong (Pub legend/nutty geezer/West Ham fanatic/perennial non-apologiser Davey C – I’m looking at you). So, we’re sorry. But really we did you a favour – once you’ve heard this delightful little number you’ll be bopping along to it for the rest of the week.

9.9/10 – ‘Ike for president, Ike for president, Ike for president…’

1 – The Green Party – #GrownUpPolitics

We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again. The Green Party really are a cut above when it comes to political comedy and the quality of their content is getting better and better. It’s impossible to pick a favourite moment but our highlights are: Boris on his tricycle (I’m Prime Minister!), Jeremy’s nasty shadow cabinet (Put the rockets away) and, of course, lonely Tim Farron.

10/10 –Sensational. If the Green Party maintain their current trajectory they will win the 2020 general election off the back of the first ever political musical released in major cinemas.