Marriage Between Different Nationalities

Marriage between different nationalities…? I wonder how after more than 20 years of marriage, all of sudden, grudges arise, troubles surface and hatred evolves.

In my experience dealing with them, different expectations from those partners are the first hurdle. Problems arise when partner who is local want her spouse to assimilate well into her culture whereas the husband culture is far greater and dominant and therefore more difficult to be assimilated into the less dominant local culture.

Second hurdle is the ego. As Tolstoy wrote in Anna Karenina: ‘My love keeps growing more passionate and egoistic, while his is waning and waning, and that’s why we’re drifting apart’. More specific is egocentric personality that focus on individual self-interest and in most occasion it goes beyond exaggerated self-importance esp with regard to their role and function in the relationship.

The third element is respect. I believe respect to each other is the common denominator. There is an urgent need to respect him/her as an individual first before others such as career, value, custom and tradition. Respecting each other family might mean supporting elderly parents, taking care of them when times come and moving to stay stay with them if needed. A family friend had moved to Australia when she heard her mother-in-law was sick and needed help.

Last but not least, is support. With support comes companionship and true involvement in each other life. The spirit of togetherness is cultivated through mutual sharing of interest and activity.