I'm sorry but I think I am missing something here. Inconsiderate hosts? What about being a good guest? A simple phone call to the host, politely enquiring about the meal is easy enough and if the meal is not one that can be enjoyed - a polite decline of the invitation. Our good friends have no objection when we bring our own food. They understand. We are also severely allergic to dogs and cats. Not the itchy eye reactions but full blown ones - asthma, hives, our eyes don't just itch, they swell shut. And so? We always ask if the host has pets; if its affirmative, we politely decline.

Allergies are not the responsibility of a dinner party host. We do have to take that responsibility and assign it to ourselves. I'm not referring to children here but to adults.

My husband and I rarely attend dinner parties; instead, we host them. Our friends understand. It is simply a fact of life when you suffer from profound allergies and other medical concerns. We don't feel put out because a host can't accomodate a menu around our allergies. We've spent decades sorting out menus and ingredients in order to be able to feed our family. 4 out of the 5 of us are profoundly allergic. I certainly don't expect my friends to do the same. It took a lot of time and a lot of effort.

My 2 sons with the profound allergies never attended a birthday party, never went to camp and never participated in the classroom party goodies. They have all survived quite nicely and have grown into young men who accept their own responsibility when it comes to their diets and exposure to allergens. One is 19 and the other is 25.

When its necessary to attend a conference or other public gathering; we simpy don't eat or bring a snack along with us. No big deal. Office holiday parties or other special workplace events - same thing. If we have any suspicions or doubts; we don't take the chance. We won't starve to death in a few hours and if blood sugar is an issue; again, no one will object if a "brown bag" solution is used.

_________________The light at the end of the tunnel? Its usually a train....

We always take all food for our 3 yr old son everywhere we go. I never ever assume he is going to have something safe to eat. We always find out, in advance, what is being served, and bring along something equivalent. We take his full meal, lots of foods to share, and back up food in the car in case of an emergency (car breakdown, etc.) Our only request when we attend get-togethers (and we go to lots of them) is that they please not serve nuts, peanuts or sesame seed - (we have 11 young nieces and nephews, and all of our friends have young children, so cross-contamination amongst children playing together is a good possiblity). All of our family and friends have always very kindly accomodated this - we've never had a problem. Absolutely the ONLY time we are able to go somewhere and not bring food is to my parents home - my mother is extremely well-educated regarding food allergens, and always provides something safe for our son to eat - she has chosen to do this for us, so it's a nice treat to go out somewhere and not bring his food.

By the way, we entertain a lot too - it's a lot easier to provide a safe meal in our own home. We often ask others not to bring any food along - just lots of wine and beer!!

darklillith, great to meet someon else who think like me! The only reason why I have to ask about fish being present is because I have anaphylaxis to even the smell of it... otherwise, I would never impose this on any host. Milk is another big one for me and because I never eat food prepared by others, it is not an issue for me being around it. I avoid bringing finger foods and all so that cross-contamination with my own fingers is not an issue... other than that, I can't see myself imposing my diet (that took me years of work to figure out) on anyone that doesn't want to. I have one friend and her husband who actually want to learn and share the same meal as me so I get there earlier to empty the grocery bags, rewash the dishes to be used and prepare the meal together... I find this fun as I spend time with my friends and end up enjoying a great meal together!

That sounds like a really good system you have worked out with your friends. Currently I am dreading Christmas as I have aquired multiple allergies in the last 6 months some of which are "unknown".

I too react to the smell of certian foods being cooked...the latest tomatos...which up until 6weeks ago I could eat whole.

I have a feeling I will be spending X-Mas in my apt. relaxing and eatting goodies that I am not allergic to. My family is spending X-Mas Eve dinner with distant relatives and I just don't think it would be wise for me to be around their cooking as I don't know them well enough to trust that we won't have a problem.

My boyfriend and I have been together 3yrs however I am not sure if he is that committed as to give up going out etc. to the places I just can't eat anymore. Sometimes I secretly wish he was but I don't say it. I can tell he is still figuring out what he should do...cause he'll hint at stuff...but I am going to leave it up to him.

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