Erin Callan Liberated

Callan was a slave to Lehman Brothers and her career. What are you enslaved to?

The web is all atwitter (in the original meaning of the word) about work-life balance, especially for women. (This always puzzles me slightly; isn’t it an issue for men also? But that’s for another time…)

Many prominent women have jumped into the fray, including Sheryl Sandberg of Facebook and Princeton Professor Anne-Marie Slaughter, formerly the director of policy and planning for the US State department under President Obama. The latest voice in the debate is that of Erin Callan, former CFO of the now-defunct Lehman Brothers (NY Times, 3/10/13).

Callan seems to me the most honest voice yet. She makes no pretense of being able to “have it all.” She offers no dream of government-sponsored day care or other programs that would support working mothers and allegedly resolve this issue. She doesn’t blame society or sexism. There’s no talk of glass ceilings and paving the way for others.

Instead she presents a sort of mea culpa. Basically she acknowledges that she blew it. She was the one who had her priorities backwards. “Work always came first, before my family, friends and marriage – which ended just a few years later.”

“Work always came first, before my family, friends and marriage – which ended just a few years later.”

She was the one who was compulsive. She was the workaholic. And she paid the price – losing her first marriage, perhaps her opportunity to bear children, and who knows what other psychological and emotional costs.

But we can be grateful to Ms. Callan for holding up her own character flaws to the light, for allowing her experience to be a cautionary tale for the rest of us – if we would only pay attention!

Erin Callan makes another interesting point in her piece, “I didn’t start out with the goal of devoting myself to my job,” she writes. “It crept in over time. Each year that went by, slight modifications became the new normal. First I spent a half-hour on Sunday organizing my e-mail, to-do list and calendar to make Monday morning easier. Then I was working a few hours on Sunday, then all day. My boundaries slipped away until work was all that was left.”

What struck me so forcefully about this point is the similarity to the Passover story of the Jews in Egypt (You’ll see, I’m really not stretching the point!).

Slavery didn’t begin overnight, in one fell swoop. It never does. It started gradually – with a few extra tasks, a little less pay, some restrictive laws – until it finally became a full-fledged bondage (notice the parallel to the situation of the Jews in pre-WWII Germany). And then it was too late. No one person and no one nation sets out to be a slave – not to our jobs, not to other nations, not to our financial needs or even to our diets (or lack thereof)…

It happens gradually. The boundaries just get more and more blurred. We don’t even notice it happening.

Ms. Callan was given a little help from outside. The collapse of Lehman Brothers forced her to re-evaluate. Luckily she didn’t just jump in to more of the same. She had the presence of mind and the self-awareness to step back and take a look (I assume the demise of her first marriage also served as a catalyst for introspection).

And, in her understanding, are lessons for all of us.

Just as Erin Callan was a slave to Lehman Brothers, to her career, to job advancement, to power and honor, so too are we. And if those aren’t our challenges, we certainly have others. We’re enslaved by people’s opinions and expectations. We’re trapped by the desire for status and respect. We’re caught up in the pull of our material possessions (our homes, our vacations, our cars) and desires. We’re slaves to our personal trainers, the gym, organic food, shopping, television shows, sports teams…the potential list is endless.

And it goes deeper. We’re slaves to voices from our childhood, healthy or not. We’re slaves to habit and, sometimes, addictions. We’re slaves to the political values of our community, thought-out or not. We’ve even slaves to our children – to wit, the common expression, “You’re only as happy as your least happy child.”

Ms. Callan was lucky enough to break free from her enslavement, from her upside-down value system. She now knows that family supersedes work – and has the wisdom and experience to act on that knowledge.

But she hasn’t yet achieved the most essential freedom of all. “Tell Pharaoh,” the Almighty says to Moses and Aharon, “to let My people go – so that they may serve Me.”

When we free ourselves from all that entraps us, all that stands between us and a full relationship with our Creator, only then will we have truly burst the shackles of slavery. And only then will we be able to fully actualize the potential of our freedom.

Physical freedom is the first step – for individuals and for our nation. But we have to keep moving. This Passover, this time of renewal, is an opportunity take the next steps towards spiritual freedom as well.

About the Author

Emuna Braverman has a law degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters in in Clinical Psychology with an emphasis on Marriage and Family Therapy from Pepperdine University. She lives with her husband and nine children in Los Angeles where they both work for Aish HaTorah. When she isn''t writing for the Internet or taking care of her family, Emuna teaches classes on Judaism, organizes gourmet kosher cooking groups and hosts many Shabbos guests. She is the cofounder of www.gourmetkoshercooking.com.

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 11

(8)
Eliana,
March 19, 2013 3:25 PM

A big fat "so what?"

Ms. Callan had the opportunity to make more than enough money to overcome her own slavery. Most of us, due to the recent downturn in the economy, lost lots of money and don't have the financial cushion she probably has to let go. Most of us are more obsessed with the "mighty dollar" now than we ever were, because money is so hard to come by. Those of us who are approaching retirement age without a dime in our pocket and unable to survive on Social Security are slaves to anxiety--will we end up as 80-year-olds pushing our meager possessions around in a cart and sleeping in a box over a steam grate? It's a very real possibility. Those who think they can stop thinking about money are fools--or very, very rich.

(7)
Galia Berry,
March 17, 2013 8:04 AM

Yes, my children (both male and female)are enslaved by their jobs,often at their children's expense... and no, they do not live extravagantly...their burden is Jewish day school tuition.

(6)
Margarita,
March 15, 2013 3:18 AM

wow, and here we go

each year it is the same old story - you are working therefore you worship idols (money), not looking after the family........liberated how? free to be poor? free to ask for social security? free to live in poverty? and please, even in a most religious part of the community people are judged by their clothes (how is it free of shopping?) or the way they look (how is it free of gym - there are other types of gym, but being skinny is the way to go)..... changing form is not changing the substance ...... btw, first thought of people who call themselves "liberated" is pot smoking hippy. just a thought.

Anonymous,
March 15, 2013 2:48 PM

Everything in moderation

It's fine to work and it's fine to shop and it's fine to go to the gym...but none of the above should take over your life. We need to find the right balance. These things shouldn't control us.

(5)
Alan S.,
March 14, 2013 11:56 PM

This is a generally good article. However, I disagree with the phrase that "We’re slaves to our personal trainers, the gym, organic food, shopping, television shows, sports teams....There is a big difference between being enslaved against ones will, and engaging in an activity that one willfully participates and enjoys.

(4)
Rebecca,
March 14, 2013 5:27 PM

sheryl sandberg and anne-marie slaughter have it right

why aren't you thanking sheryl sandberg and anne-marie slaughter for teaching women to be empowered? they are the ones who have had children AND successful careers. aren't these women the ones are truly liberated?

(3)
Stephen Hirsch,
March 14, 2013 4:42 PM

But it's OK in Lakewood?

So many women, with many, many kids, work outside the home while their husbands sit and learn. How is this significantly different?

Margarita,
March 15, 2013 3:09 AM

otherwise they starve

with men not taking care of the family needs and not working, families will starve. social security is not designed to provide for kosher food prices.

(2)
Moshe,
March 14, 2013 4:10 PM

What if our work is related to service of G-d?

Dear Emuna,Thank you for an insightful article. My question is how does the analysis change when one's job is being a servant to the community - whether a rabbi, educator, etc.? Is that then considered service of G-d and the person is not considered a slave in that case, or is that justification missing the point of keeping work/life balance in perspective at the expense of children/spouse/friends?Thanks!

Anonymous,
March 15, 2013 3:21 AM

Great question!!

I'm a Rabbi involved in Campus outreach and I have often thought of this question (as recently as this afternoon!). Not sure of the answer. My head tells me that it's ok to "over do it" a bit in the service of G-d. My heart tells me otherwise......

(1)
Jonathan Keefe,
March 14, 2013 2:02 PM

I will Bli Neder read this at my Seder

Thank you for such a clear link between our upside down world and Pesach.

I've been striving to get more into spirituality. But it seems that every time I make some progress, I find myself slipping right back to where I started. I'm getting discouraged and feel like a failure. Can you help?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Spiritual slumps are a natural part of spiritual growth. There is a cycle that people go through when at times they feel closer to God and at times more distant. In the words of the Kabbalists, it is "two steps forward and one step back." So although you feel you are slipping, know that this is a natural process. The main thing is to look at your overall progress (over months or years) and be able to see how far you've come!

This is actually God's ingenious way of motivating us further. The sages compare this to teaching a baby how to walk. When the parent is holding on, the baby shrieks with delight and is under the illusion that he knows how to walk. Yet suddenly, when the parent lets go, the child panics, wobbles and may even fall.

At such times when we feel spiritually "down," that is often because God is letting go, giving us the great gift of independence. In some ways, these are the times when we can actually grow the most. For if we can move ourselves just a little bit forward, we truly acquire a level of sanctity that is ours forever.

Here is a practical tool to help pull you out of the doldrums. The Sefer HaChinuch speaks about a great principle in spiritual growth: "The external awakens the internal." This means that although we may not experience immediate feelings of closeness to God, eventually, by continuing to conduct ourselves in such a manner, this physical behavior will have an impact on our spiritual selves and will help us succeed. (A similar idea is discussed by psychologists who say: "Smile and you will feel happy.")

That is the power of Torah commandments. Even if we may not feel like giving charity or praying at this particular moment, by having a "mitzvah" obligation to do so, we are in a framework to become inspired. At that point we can infuse that act of charity or prayer with all the meaning and lift it can provide. But if we'd wait until being inspired, we might be waiting a very long time.

May the Almighty bless you with the clarity to see your progress, and may you do so with joy.

In 1940, a boatload 1,600 Jewish immigrants fleeing Hitler's ovens was denied entry into the port of Haifa; the British deported them to the island of Mauritius. At the time, the British had acceded to Arab demands and restricted Jewish immigration into Palestine. The urgent plight of European Jewry generated an "illegal" immigration movement, but the British were vigilant in denying entry. Some ships, such as the Struma, sunk and their hundreds of passengers killed.

If you seize too much, you are left with nothing. If you take less, you may retain it (Rosh Hashanah 4b).

Sometimes our appetites are insatiable; more accurately, we act as though they were insatiable. The Midrash states that a person may never be satisfied. "If he has one hundred, he wants two hundred. If he gets two hundred, he wants four hundred" (Koheles Rabbah 1:34). How often have we seen people whose insatiable desire for material wealth resulted in their losing everything, much like the gambler whose constant urge to win results in total loss.

People's bodies are finite, and their actual needs are limited. The endless pursuit for more wealth than they can use is nothing more than an elusive belief that they can live forever (Psalms 49:10).

The one part of us which is indeed infinite is our neshamah (soul), which, being of Divine origin, can crave and achieve infinity and eternity, and such craving is characteristic of spiritual growth.

How strange that we tend to give the body much more than it can possibly handle, and the neshamah so much less than it needs!