Teenage Son Viewing Porn. What Should the Parent Do?

"We have a son whom we just recently found out he has been viewing porn. We have talked and prayed with him from a young age about porn and the dangers of viewing it. We have monitored his computer usage and continued to speak with him about the dangers but unfortunately did not know about your software until recently. We have installed your software on all home computers as well as his phone.

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He is 17 (almost 18)and feels he is being treated like a baby and promises to not go to any questionable web sites if we remove the software. He said he will allow us to monitor all of his devices. He feels embarrassed around his friends when they notice the software. I see that your software is used in a rehab type situation. Is it wrong as a parent of an almost adult child to insist he have this software placed on his electronic devices? Or are we at a place in life where we need to not push this on him and continue to use this as a teachable moment and monitor him the best we can? It has created a lot of strife in our home and I feel it is pushing him away. I am willing to deal with the pain and being shut off if it is worth it in the end. At what point do you let go and pray for God's hand to take over?"--Rachel

My name is Shellie R. Warren and I am the women's blog editor for the site.

This is a really good question (or series of questions) that you asked. Let me start by saying this: If your son is living in your home, then as adult as he might feel, he's not "adult enough" to make the calls. At 38, I can't believe that I am starting to sound like my mother (LOL) but it really is the truth. 18 is the age that *the world* deems is "adult" but God is Spirit (John 4:24) and Hebrews 5:12-14 speaks of the importance of spiritual maturity and Paul spoke quite well of being a man who put away childish things (I Corinthians 13:11) and well, 2 Timothy 2:22(NKJV) says "Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart."

As a parent but also as a person who loves another struggling individual, you have the right to want to do all that you can to protect your son (I Thessalonians 5:14) and when we're in a spiritual battle (Ephesians 6:10-20), we have to remember that it's not always (or even usually) going to be an "easy fight". There is software on the computers *in YOUR house* and honestly, that won't just cause you to protect your son but spirits, in general, from coming into your home (Matthew 12:43-45). You are protecting *everyone* in your space by making that decision. Including you and your husband.

Secondly, I come from a line of substance abusers, on both sides of my family. I used to have a really big habit of sending them cash when they were in trouble. When you are struggling with addiction, you're not always able to hold down a job or pay bills and so you are always in need BUT when you get cash, you tend to not spend it on what you need to buy; you only get more drugs. By giving them money, I thought I was helping them, but I was actually only doing more harm. Your son telling you that he promises not to watch porn if you take the "safety measures" off sounds similar to what the substance abusers in my life would say to me. Honestly, if your son was really committed to wanting to get free, he wouldn't mind, *in the least*, that you have our software loaded.

Now, I will also say that: I've been an accountability partner for someone with our software before and it can tend to be pretty sensitive. So, I would recommend that you *thoroughly* go through the links before you confront him with anything that you've seen and honestly, it would probably be better if his father did it. Boys don't tend to be as comfortable speaking with a woman, *especially their mom*, about this kind of issues and you don't want him to get to a point where he is hypersensitive. My advice would be to simply explain to him that the software is for the his protection as well as the household in general and that if he's not intending to go to "certain sites" then there is nothing to worry about and that the only time the software issue will even come up is if you discover that the did indeed attempt to go to a porn site.

God entrusted you with your son to help to guard his mind, body and soul. Make no apologies for that.