Mom Answers

My husband wasn't nearly as excited as I thought he should be. He wasn't jumping up and down and calling everyone he knew like I was. However, that all changed the day we had the ultrasound. It was suddenly real to him that he was going to be a daddy. He went back to work and showed the pictures to anyone who would look. I'm betting that your husband will get more excited as you get to certain milestones. By the time your baby is born, he won't be able to stop grinning.

I think at first it is hard for men to understand what a amazing thing they have helped create because you don't look different and things in life go on normally...the turning point for me and my fiance was the 20 week ultrasound and we found out we were having a boy. He can feel the baby's kicks and your belly is getting bigger. I am due any day now and throughout the pregnancy I just really tried to include him in my emotions, or how I was feeling, and even making decisions about car seats and bottles. It made him feel his opinion was valid and it was "our" pregnancy. Although, I haven't gotten much sympathy when I needed it, I know even for men who aren't acting too thrilled about the prospect of a baby, they will melt away the first time they hold thier child in thier arms. Men are just not wired like we are...maybe for the better!!

Hubby and I talked about have #5, but changed our mines after two months of trying. But it ws too late.---we were already pg. Our lives are very hectic. We have four others- one in college. I work full time and I am a full time law student (graduate in 05/04). Hubbby works as well, but at his leisure, he is self-employed. When I told him about #5, he was silent, depressed and eventually stopped sleeping in our room. I am now six months and he has never attended a prenatal visit. He was present for the Amnio, bc I needed a ride and I think he wanted to see the sex. He does not talk about the baby. He shows no interest in it or my at all. I am so disappointed in him. I have tried talking to him about the way I feel, but he calls it nagging. I am so sick of him, it is un-real. I have resolved that I AM HAVING A BABY. The kids are happy, the family is happy, and my friends are happy and to hell with him. I have picked a name and have lined up a friend as my labor partner. He can be a part or he wont, it is his choice, BUT I AM HAVING THIS BABY and I LOVE IT. As far as he is concerned, he is only hurting himself because if he does not come around before the baby gets here, I am cashing in the chips !
Mimi

Sweet p,
I am going through a very similar situation, except our daughter is only 2. We have been married for over 6 years and my husband says I have ruined his life by getting pregnant for a second time. I am 11 weeks along and an emotional mess. He is so angry and hurtful towards me. I am afraid of the harm these emotions will cause this unborn child. I want to have a happy pregnancy. I don't feel happiness is in my future.

Wow, so I'm not the only one. We went through 2 miscarriages and tried so hard for this one. My husband was wonderful in my last pregnancy (which we lost). But since we found out we are pregnant again, he is completely indifferent. Sometimes I think he hates me and the baby. I am 11 weeks. Why the sudden change? He started going out to bars and staying out all night which he NEVER did before. He obviously is resentful for some reason. He told me he is not ready to be a father. Well, why did he try to conceive with me then? Why was he so wonderfully ready the last pregnancy? Anyway, I'm hoping by reading these stories that he will come around in time. It is an AWFUL feeling.

There is a book called "What to Expect When Your Wife is Expanding." It's written for Dads by a Dad and it's pretty funny. I bought it for my partner, and he actually started quoting it to me. (The book recommends that the men drink our share of alcohol while we're not allowed to have any. "Drinking for two.") If that doesn't work, just give it a little time. You're still not very far along and the whole thing might not feel very real for him yet.

Men and women adjust to the idea of pregnancy differently. If you're not really showing yet, it might not feel real to him yet, like a dream. When I was 8 months pregnant, my husband and I attended my baby shower. We were walking up our front steps with all the gifts when he suddenly stopped, looked at me with an absolutely amazed expression, and said, "You're pregnant. I did that." I was shocked. I was 8 months along! You have to remember that they can't feel the baby move, or feel the morning sickness. It's initially something happening to you, not him, and it takes a while to feel like something that's their to be excited about, too. Trying buying him a book called, "What to Expect When Your Wife is Expanding." It's funny, and will help him relate to your pregnancy so he can feel more involved.

I am 37 weeks pregnant. My partner and I had been together for five years and had been trying to get pregnant for six months. He has mood swings--from being excited about the baby and taking photos of me to getting angry about all the baby things we've bought and saying he isn't ready for a baby and why didn't we wait? (Uh, it's a little late for that.) I'm 40 so we both knew that that wasn't really an option. He isn't as interested as I'd like him to be...he has paid for many of the baby's things (sometimes reluctanctly) and he believes that this is what constitutes interest in the pregnancy. I wish I had more emotional support. He is working so often and seems afraid of the financial responsibility. I am still working and plan on going back to work when the baby is 4 months old. He has come to Lamaze classes and said they don't help. I would like a doula at the delivery but he is totally against it. (Are you sensing control issues?!) Anyway, it is reassuring to see that I am not alone. My friend's husband seems so much more excited than mine is. I hope he changes his attitude once the baby comes...

i have been feeling the same way; jus today i suggested to my husband that we should go do our baby registry before we leave for vacation. his family lives on the east coast, so we need to do be registered some place so his family can send gifts. this is his first baby i have a daughter from someone else.her biological daddy was murdered so ever since then he has been her dad. 3 weeks after we married we found out that i was pregnant and he was actually really happy but now i am 19 weeks and he doesnt even want to particpate in our baby registry. he told to go do it by myself! i couldnt believe it; that hurt my feelings so bad & i got really upset & this sparked a huge fight & basically everything i felt came out,afterwards he realized he wasnt being pro-active enough or even listening to me at times & apologized.he even suggested doing our registry this weeking & choosing paint for both of the girls room. so maybe these guys dont realize how much their support means to us

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