Lissa

July 2, 2012 ~ if it's in your pants, it's yours

by Lissa,posted Jul 2 2012 11:12AM

There’s no tactful way to ask your landlord “Hey, do you think my new neighbors are druggies? And if so – can you evict them?” I had this situation over the weekend. New chick next door was fighting with her boyfriend (apparently). At three a.m. Romeo & Juliet had police cars, fire trucks, etc. all over my street! From what I could overhear, the scuffle had something to do with “rocks” and “beating his girlfriend”. Looooooooovely.

So they put the boyfriend in cuffs, the whole time he’s screaming “WHY WOULD I BEAT MY GIRLFRIEND? I LOVE HER!” He musta said that fifty times. Haaa – has that EVER worked for a criminal? Ever? “Oh, he said he LOVES her! Well in that case….. never mind - let him go.”

He also had something to say about the crack rocks: “Those rocks aren’t mine, man.”

Officer: “I saw them fall out of your pocket.”

Him: “THEY’RE NOT MINE, MAN!”

Officer: “I saw them fall out of your pocket.”

Him: “No way! They’re not mine!”

Officer: “They were in your pocket.”

Repeat this conversation three or four times. Poor cops. They must feel like exasperated mothers sometimes. When your kid breaks a lamp, and you know they broke the lamp, yet they continue to deny they broke the lamp….. sigh. I’d lose my cool after the first time a criminal lied to me. After that, it’s taser time. So anyway, I texted my landlord the next day and I’m like “soooo….what’s up with Cheech & Chong? They staying long? They’re kinda creepy.” I have yet to hear back. Of course, they probably think I’M creepy. They’re texting my landlord right now going “What’s up with that runner chick? Why is she always listening to Nightranger at obscenely high volume levels? Weirdo.” Hey, that Nightranger’s not mine man. It just fell outta my pocket....and into the slot in my CD player.