Brandi Glanville is on a bender – a shooting off her mouth bender, that is! She just cannot keep those size 40 Loubs out of her injected pout! Girl really… take a vacation from the media. I should take a vacation from giving her press, too. But I just can't quit…

Which is how Brandi describes her relationship with boyfriend JR in her Real Housewives of Beverly Hills blog. Brandi says she dumped him after he took off for a music festival last minute with friends and did not invite her.

"So after he got me my dream rental the day prior, I text my 'boyfriend' JR, saying 'Let's go out and celebrate!' He texts me back 'Just randomly, last minute boarded a plane to Austin for a music festival with a bunch of my 'couples friends' and will be back in a few days. . .'"

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"In my head I go to the 'super shady' place, and I don't need this again. There was no invite, no discussion, and no mention of a trip to me. He just decided to up and go — which is fine if your a single guy, but not if your telling me you want to be my boyfriend." Brandiwrites that the two are still on and off.

One relationship that is officially OFF in Brandi land is the one she has with Lisa Vanderpump. You know her former bestie who pretty much got her hired on this here show. Brandi discusses Lisa's faint.

"While I do believe that Lisa fainted, I had to give her a bit of a hard time about it because it was oh sooo pretty," Brandi says."Maybe when she fainted she hit her head — that would explain her recent memory loss of a certain conversation we had. I am many many things, but a liar isn't one of them, and you will see who the real liar is as you watch this season."

"I read of Lisa's health issues in her blog this morning, and honestly I am quite shocked. After almost a year of morning phone calls from her and hanging out constantly, I have never heard of or seen any of Lisa's health issues, other then her faint. I honestly feel like someone is playing the victim card pretty hard here."

And after throwing Yolanda Foster into the fire, Brandi is now grasping to keep that relationship ON. "The only person who is actually really suffering in our group is Yolanda. Yolanda's struggles continue and her health and family are in my prayers as always." Well Brandi's insane – does that count as a "health problem"?

And finally, let's talk Kyle Richards and her little cheating problem. See at that point in time Brandi and Kyle's relationship was ON and OFF. But now that Lisa is yesterday's news, they're ON. Brandi insists she was just being a girls' girl and trying to help a sister out with those cheating allegations against her husband.

Yeah, cause that's not a convo that should be had privately or anything… #PuttingEveryoneOneBlastIsTheBrandiWay Dang why are Brandi and Carlton Gebbia making me feel bad for Splits?! No, No NO!

"As far as Kyle and the story of Mauricio's infidelity goes, I actually found out about this article coming out ahead of time and gave Kyle and Mauricio a head's up so that they could try and squash it," Brandi claims.

"I would never wish for a family to be torn apart by gossip, and, although it's not clear now, I really was looking out for the well being of Kyle's family and didn't believe the silly rumors anyhow." Then why start them…

Brandi has previously tried to pin the origin of said story on Lisa. Speaking of which, Brandi posted the following "cryptic" tweet which we can only imagine alludes to the Lady of Roses and Rosé.

[Photo Credit: Paul Hebert/WENN.com]

TELL US – IS LISA REALLY A LIAR OR IS BRANDI TRYING TO COVER HER OWN A$$?