Scotty: Three cheeseburgers.Uhura:Three cheeseburgers. Scotty: Three large fries.Uhura: Three large fries.Scotty: And a McFish. Uhura: And a McFish...There's no such thing as a McFish, Commander Scott.Scotty: Then it's not my way, is it lass?

Romulan Commander: "That's right, Doctor, I want to see his full medical record, especially any history of contact with any sexually-transmitted diseases. You can't be too careful... Oh, crap! He's right behind me, isn't he!"

Spock: "You can see for yourself, go ahead."Commander: *sniff, sniff* "So the rumors were true. Vulcan earwax does smell like lavender!"Spock: "Can you guess what other part of my body smells like cloves?"Commander: "I have an idea...." *zzzzzzzzip*

Kirk: "That can't... that can't be ME."Spock: "It's a signal from the future, captain."Kirk: "So I end up as an overweight lunatic?"Spock: "At least you'll be popular, especially on TV commercials."Kirk: "What's that I'm saying? I changed my name to Denny?"

Spock: "While we were caught in the time warp, we inadvertently captured numerous streams of data, some from the past and some from the future. The imaging lab discovered this image in the data."Kirk: "That's me?"Spock: "It would seem so, approximately 82 years old."Kirk: "Looks like I hold up pretty well. And get a load of that toupee!"

Uhura: Scotty, I swear if you look down my uniform again I will end you.

Romulan: I'm sorry, the Commander isn't available at present, but please leave your name and subspace frequency after the tone and he will contact you at his earliest convenience. This been a recorded message brought to you by RomuComm. <BEEP>

Subcommander Billy: What do you get when you cross a Vulcan and an alien dominatrix?
Jimbo: I don't know?
Subcommander Billy: Tholian taint mites.
Spooked: Jim, I, uh, need the Doctor.
Jimbo: I like the cut of his jib.

SCOTTY: I was once best friends with this tiny creature who looked a little bit like an ewok.
UHURA: What happened to him?
SCOTTY: He was killed on his vacation to Vulcan a few years ago.

KIRK: I do not understand why 20th century humans found this 'television' device so entertaining.
SPOCK: You're looking at the wrong end.

MCCOY: A little privacy, Spock? I'm making the captain play in the exercise kick machine again.
SPOCK: How does that tell you if he's healthy or not?
MCCOY: It doesn't. It's just fun to make him do it.

COMMANDER: He really believes Vulcans don't lie?
SPOCK: Shh!

KIRK: So you're telling me, Vulcans get all the chicks?
SPOCK: Absolutely.