House Prices in Midsummer do not fall for the seventh year in a row

Poison, Rob and Swindle, the main estate agents for documentary small village Midsummer have revealed that House Prices in the famously debauched village have remained high for more than seven years.

Don Swindle, a partner in the firm said: 'It is remarkable really, that all of the murders that are reported here, the occasional affair, and glimpses of Simon Callow in the Nip have not put house buyers of purchasing a property here. I can name murders happening in many of the houses here, but nothing has ever happened to Tom Barnaby, or his very thinly drawn wife, or daughter, or any of his side-kicks. At least in Oxford, it finally did for Morse, but Barnaby must be paying some high minded officials to keep him safe. I would not be surprised if he was on the payroll of Horlicks, or a Hot Chocolate firm.

Horlicks, no, I mean the drink. No, Sir, we are not that type of place. Any licking goes on behind closed doors. We have statue put up to Mary Whitehouse, God rest her infernal soul, so we have nothing like that going on around these parts' he said, wistfully, with a far of look in his eyes.

Make Ben Macnair's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)