Turn Left Turn Right

They captured me and washed my ears out. Ah bee asked why they're so dirty, I told her it's the haze. Ah bee is so stupid. There is no haze today.

Talking about no haze today, I went out for a full 2 hours in the evening to welcome passers by. It was nice to be able to see the sign across the little road. Business was a little poor seeing it's sunday when all the maids and their dogs are at Lucky Plaza, but the air was fresh so it was still nice.

At night me and ah ma watched tv together. Then ah ma was bored with the chinese channel and changed to a documentary channel. I saw one lion with a mane get behind a lion with no mane and start humping. Ah ma changed the channel very fast. After the lions finished humping. Fomfomfom and ah bee said ah ma has no shame. Fomfomfom asked me if I saw it, I said no. I was so shy.

I want to go and sleep now. I'm tired, coz just now ah gong came in and I got some lovin', so I didn't nap. Night.

Then I realised too late that they were bringing me to the vet's. Fomfomfom told Eunice she doesn't have an appointment. I said let's go home then. We mustn't impose on others. But the vet woman emerged and invited us into her lair.

First, she put her fingers into my backside and squeezed. Then she said smelly smelly. I'm so angry at her. I dunno if she expects perfume from my backside.

Later she got a swab of my ear. I dunno for what, maybe to smell. She wanted to get Robert, but Robert was busy, so we got Eunice in. I don't like Robert, so I was happy. Eunice held me while the vet woman stuck a needle in my leg and drew blood. Then she wanted to put a bandage on my leg. Fomfomfom happily said it's a pink bandage, but everyone disagreed and said it's a red one. We decided fomfomfom is color blind.

While waiting for the blood test results, this little thing came in. Looked like a 3 month old puppy to me. His mummy told us he's one and a half. He's so small for his age and looked like a girl. Behaved like a baby even. Brought biscuits to the vet's. Such a baby. He's a shih tzu too. Fomfomfom and ah bee kept goo goo ga ga-ing at him. I was so offended.

Another shih tzu emerged from the vet's room and started this strange dance. Everyone watched in confusion. So stupid. It's like stupid shih tzu day or something. There were so many at the vet's. I'm not included coz it's my birthday tomorrow.

My blood test says I'm ok! I was happy when I went home, but ah ma said I was a sight. She thinks I need a haircut. Boo...

Itr's my birthday today. It's a month birthday, I'm 2 years and 10 months old today. We took pictures.

Fomfomfom bought me a present. It's a premium new zealand beef slice, and it's hard as a rock. But I managed to chew off a little of it. The rest I wanted to keep so I stuffed it under the sofa. I left a little bit peeking out so I can use my paw to scrape it out from under the sofa. Ah ma had to look around a long time before she found where I had hidden it. She thought that was so clever of me.

All that chewing has made me tired. I will go to ah ma's room and sleep a while. The beef slice will be beside me so I can guard it.

We went to the hairdresser's this morning. It's a new place, fomfomfom told the person to take it all off.

So she started shaving me. When she got to my tail, fomfomfom turned green, saying ah ma will surely chop her into 18 pieces. She had forgotten to tell the hairdresser to trim my tail in my usual squirrel's fashion.

This hairdresser was fast, we finished in an hour. And I didn't have to bathe, so I didn't end up shaking in a cage like the maltese. And I could see my 3 mamas throughout coz the place has glass walls. But I still shat on the table coz I couldn't help it. It's my usual practice while getting a haircut.

All in, it wasn't a bad experience. Just that I looked like a rat at the end of it. But ah ma says I'll be pretty again in 3 days. I dunno. Ah ma is so naughty these days. She kept saying she wants to hang clothes on my new rat's tail coz it reminds her of a hook. But I know she's just teasing me coz ah ma loves me and I love ah ma.

Cha woke up this morning at 730 and I ran into her room and dove into my bed and snoozed till 1030. That's coz ah ma went to the market and there was no one to give me any lovin'. Cha only loves her computer. I figured sleeping was the best thing to do.

When ah ma came back from the market, they made me take a bath. I thought I'd bathed yesterday already, but ah ma explained that the sprinkling by fomfomfom and ah bee yesterday was not good enough. I went along with ah ma coz ah ma loves me and I love ah ma. I didn't have to go through the hairdryer!

My leg bled again when I went outside to welcome passers by. My welcoming must have been too vigorous. It always happens after grooming. Ah ma was heartbroken. So at night I jumped onto the couch to watch tv with ah ma. That's my way of consoling her and telling her I'm alright. I slept with my head on her lap for one hour.

It is friday the 13th today. I am not superstitious, so nothing bad happened to me.

I spent the morning snoozing and waiting for ah ma to come home. Ah ma went shopping. In the afternoon, fomfomfom followed me everywhere and I got some lovin'.

Ah ma brought me downstairs to welcome fomfomfom and cha when they came back from their iching class. They were happy to see me. But ah ma didn't switch on the lights so they got a fright when they saw ah ma sitting there in the dark. Giggle.

At night, I was happy when everyone came into ah ma's room to watch tv. So I performed for everyone with moo moo. Ah gong told my mamas to buy a hoop so I can jump through the fire hoop in future. I was so happy that I jumped past ah ma's legs to sit beside her on the couch. Ah ma was so happy I could fly so high that she couldn't stop screeching. Maybe ah ma is also happy coz she's watching a hong kong drama serial. vivi jie is a little potty.

See, friday the 13th can be a good day. Though later when I jumped onto the couch outside when the 3 mamas were watching tv, fomfomfom carried me off immediately. They told me jumping up and down is bad for my bones. But I've gotten so used to lounging on couches recently. All that short hair, I feel light as a feather. I float float float down to earth, touchdown! Giggle.

My leg bled again today. Ah ma said I can't go out to welcome passers by if my leg always bleeds. I'll have to talk to my leg about it later.

At night ah ma and fomfomfom and me were watching the national geographic channel. There was a show, called something garden of eden. Ah ma mulled, garden of eden, hmm. Fomfomfom pointed to me and said, here. I said, but of course.

Then we watched animals in alaska. A mother bear had 3 children. They went out to play and the mama lost one. Luckily she later found the kid. Ah ma said the mama should have counted her kids before she left.

Then a moose gave birth. Wah, the baby was very good, it could stand up immediately. Ah ma said humans are the worst of the lot, coz a baby won't amount to anything by itself without its parents' care. I said, yeah man, check me out. Then fomfomfom told ah ma of how I was the smallest kid amongst my siblings coz I couldn't even find my mother's teat for milk. And how ah yee mama had to push my siblings aside and put my mouth to my mother's teat all the time. Then ah ma had to say to my face that even when being born, I was 2nd last. I was humiliated.

I solemnly informed ah ma that I came from wolves, she came from monkeys. My ancestors ate her ancestors. Then I hugged my pride to sleep.

I was eating my dinner. I had barely finished the last kibble when ah bee swooped me off to the bathroom counter unceremoniously. Ah ma was watching tv and she saw the whole illegal act but she didn't save me. I was sad. On the counter, I was shaking in fear coz fomfomfom and ah bee wanted to do the whole ear washing thing again. Fomfomfom asked ah ma to come and feel my shaking backside, but ah ma said she was busy watching tv. I was sadder still.

Happily, there were titbits after the ordeal. Ah ma bought me this lovely chicken jerky and another chicken salami thing yesterday. I got one of the jerky and half a stick of the salami thing. I didn't perform any rites as is my usual style. I gobbled the goodies up immediately in case ah ma the baddie takes them away and eats them herself.

By the way, I tasted a lovely crunchy kibble yesterday. I don't know what brand it is, but I already told ah bee to change my usual brand to that. Ah bee and fomfomfom eats it too. It is quite delightful.

Oh, oh. And I bit ah gong today. His hand bled. Coz he tried to touch me when I was sleeping on ah ma's couch. He obviously deserves it. All hail the queen! Me! Giggle.

It was so hazy today. Ah ma was uncomfortable, my ah ma coughed. A pox on the haze.

But ah ma loves me so I was still allowed to go out and welcome passers by. My leg bled again. Ah ma was upset.

Later I was surveying my milk bowl in ah ma's room. I decided to hide it so I pushed it with my nose and tried to cover it with the cloth on the floor. The milk spilt onto the floor and the cloth dipped into the milk, and fomfomfom was watching tv. She said let's wait for ah ma to come and see what you did. Later, just before ah ma came up, she got cold feet and wiped a bit of milk off the floor with the cloth. Ah ma lifted the bowl and lo and behold, there was a ring of milk where the bowl sat and fomfomfom got a earful from ah ma. Ah ma had to use a rag and toothpick to reach between the grooves in the pah-k floor. She said it was all sticky and dirty. Giggle. Ah ma likes to scold fomfomfom, coz fomfomfom is so stupid and lazy. Fomfomfom pointed her finger at me and said ah ma is scolding us. I told her not to kid herself.

And today I pulled a record size poo poo. It was long and fat and it's one day's portion, the only difference is that it came in one unbroken string. Fomfomfom and cha were delighted. It really doesn't take much.

The haze was still no good today, so ah bee tricked me into ah ma's room and locked me there for a good hour. We switched on the air con.

Later they brought me to find ah ma. We went to the condo. Ah ma had a new hairstyle, she went to perm her hair. Like a poodle. Then ah ma the poodle was bad, she kept me in the condo. I wanted to go downstairs to play. Finally I got my way. But ah ma instructed fomfomfom to let me run for only 10 minutes coz of the bad air. I dragged the unfit fomfomfom huffin' and puffin' behind me for 20 minutes.

Then we went home and I asked ah ma why I have to wear a collar. It's discrimination. Ah ma said that's coz they need to hear where I am all the time, and assured me she would wear a collar too. Fomfomfom told me secretly ah ma's collar would have a big bling bling. I looked at my collar and it has only a red bell. It's discrimination.

At night ah ma and ah bee and fomfomfom and me watched a documentary about a canadian train crash in 1986. Ah ma was explaining something to fomfomfom through ah bee, and at the end of it, ah bee said her ears are ringing and asked ah ma why she talked so loud. Ah ma smoothly said she was born like that. Ah bee helpfully informed ah ma that she's getting deaf, that's why she talks so loud. Everyone giggled.

Cha came home and ah ma threw me out of her room and I plopped into my bed. Cha dragged me into her room before I could say hazydaysarebackagain. I didn't want to watch her bathe, so I took a nap.