THE NEW YORKER namon. He is fascinated by the pagne. He looks with a suspicious eye laying of an asphalt pavement, by on anyone who announces that he the maneuvers of a bee, by the would rather pass the night in a pup- breakIng of a surf on a sandy beach, tent than on a springed and mattressed by a Spanish military funeral, by the four-poster. He is amused by the smell of wet tweed, by a tropical sun- antics of the average reformer. set, by a country circus, by a falling His favorite soup is black bean; his star. He believes that many of favorite entrée, brochettes de foies de life's superficialities are of the ut- volaille à l' A nglaise; his favorite salad, most importance. He does not be- avocado; his favorite cheese, Bel Paese. lieve the history of one's past is resur- He will lie shamelessly and often in rected during the moment of one's order to escape a formal dinner party. drowning. Among his best-beloved melodies He prefers blueberries to blackberries. are : "You Made Me Love You, I He regards heavyweight wrestling, Didn't Want To Do It," "Tango from the spectator's point of view, as Tokio," "Nur eine Nacht," and the dullest of all sports. Save with "Sunbonnet Sue." He cannot stand evening getup, he seldom wears a Irish ditties. starched collar. He likes open fire; He would rather have written places and Darwin safety-razor blades. "Through the Looking Glass" than He IS a fool over popovers. the entire output of James Fenimore He would rather spend a weekend Cooper. He enjoys dancing only at Sing Sing than a similar period at the after several snifters. He considers Joe houses of certain friends of his. He Cook and W. C. Fields the drollest has never had the slightest wish to col- -- comedians on the American stage. He lect autographs, or to make an after- is unable to detect the fun in driving dinner speech. a motor car over ninety miles an hour. .. He prefers a Scotch terrier to a Japanese H E is partial to rubber heels and: spaniel, an Airedale to a Porn, and a oak-panelled dining-rooms. He Dandie Dinmont to a dachshund. He is of the opinion that it is much easier -' would rather be able to mix a good to believe a lie than the truth-pro- . cocktail than a good salad. He be- vi ding it be a lie that we want to ' lieves implicitly in the personality of believe. the inanimate. He thinks women who He thinks that most people, for the wear their hats stuck on the back of sake of amusement, get themselves in their heads look like hell. for many dull hours, for fear they will otherwise miss something worth while. He is strangely saddened during a wedding ceremony. He particularly likes crullers. He regrets the passing of the "curtain- raiser," the four- in - hand, and the New Year's turkey raffle. He does not regret the passing of the stagecoach, toe chi m n e y s wee p , open plumbing, bicycle girls, quill pens, and cotillion lead- to Orange Blossoms, Manhattans to Old Fashioneds, Bronxes to Manhat- tans, and Dry Martinis to all of them. Re is of the opinion that a woman's voice can be one of the loveliest-and damnedest-things on earth. He does not like high-buttoned tan shoes, wo- men whose clothes are full of pins, prunes, jury duty, or French snaj}s. Under no circumstances does he ever wear a union suit. He avoids, whenever possible, people who, having confided to him the story of their lives, expect him to remem- ber it. He refuses to eat pigs' knuckles or jellied frogs' legs, but likes the taste of cin- HAT W AS A SNE,E,ZE ............., ">';::' :':':' ....... ... ..-.-. . .::;:";''',.:...:hÇ: :'. ',,'.,.,.., . I, " s.'::: ,.. ,', - :::::..,:::::. ."... :. ::. .:<.:: : ....: .. ':::: .. '.. .....- ..:.::." ---;-- --- - .:. ::;::::?--.':. '. 1tJIf """:'''''' .''- .,..., "'...'" --'. ::............; :::.:.:. '::: ;:.... ;: ::.: :: :: .:-... --,-.:.:' ,'. .,.:::::-.:..; : -:.:) :::.".::..:_::.'- ':::.:: \t "r; ...... - ---- -'._-- . :. --- :: ,<:'. . , ,;';,':ã ",,- , J.: '.ï ..:;: ':':. \ . .",:;.c.- : \ '." ":..:..:.: :.;:.::':' I ., ""," , lit . i;i ..,.. :;::.. 1>. " : j ' " ._'.-... .'-" ..... ..... .-. , ........::,.,. - ". - -'. '..-. - -- -.... - -... /::::' : ...:-::: -:. .... -' .' ....... , ..' :ì'. '1: :::""':::;, . þ' . ;;' ;, . ...-.:...:..,,/, ' :. ': . .. . ' ". . . -- . . ,.... -- ,<< A... .............. J I-j . ' :if:? u'.:,. . . L, t . .r j (ù F fr I Q V: ers. He has never bee n able to court sleep by coun ting jmag- inary sheep jump- . . lng over Imag- inary fences. He prefers sparkling Moselle to cham- . --- - i '- - rtit;r :,: x. ' , L " .' '. ......,:N.,..'.-,:.:.::: :: '. 19 H E does not admire early Gen- eral Grant interiors, gold-plated limousines, Younger Generation man- ners, night-club ventilation, English coffee, or moving-picture philosophy. He would rather dispense with the sight of a snowfall in town than wade around for days afterward in slush. He is particularly charmed by the golden speckles in l'eau de vie de Danzig. He believes most orchestras play much too loudly. He likes indirect lighting and the sound of cab wheels on a wet street. He does not like wax fruit. He knows of no one whose taste in feminine beauty accords completely with his own. He does not like to dance during dinner. He thinks that intoxication is much more likely to promote funny actions than funny remarks. He considers ante-bellum Brussels to be among the most charming spots it has ever been his chance to view, and South Nor- walk, Connecticut, one of the least charming. He regards sawing wood a<; an exercise of A No. 1 calibre. He prefers, generally speakIng, a room fur-