Coke. Nondisclosure Agreement. I promise not to release any derogatory information about Trump and his family or Vice President Pence and his family. I also promise to grovel, slobber and lie on behalf of the President and to regularly praise him as a great leader. Signature. Date. *Be sure to attach your integrity and reputation to the back of the application.

Memorandum. Environmental Protection Agency. United States. Subject: Business/first class travel when protecting the EPA administrator. From: Scott Pruitt To: Travel Coordinator. I am requesting to be strategically seated in business and/or first class setting when on (wink wink) official travel. I have observed lashing out from passengers exercising their first amendment rights telling me what an unethical polluting swamp monster I am while I am seated in coach. Therefore, I believe continued use of coach seats would expose me to ridicule and scorn from the peons I am supposed to serve and therefore ask to be ungraded to business or first class accommodations.

How Trump continues to restrict the free press. Because most Americans don't have the patience to read* except 140 characters. So Trump's aim is to control television coverage. No questions. Audio-only WH pressers. No coverage of Trump golfing instead of working. But he does allow coverage of: Cabinet meetings. Look how great I sign my name. Signing ceremonies. Campaign rallies. Democracy Dies in Darkness.