“Photograph” by Ed Sheeran is a heartfelt song that talks about the pain of being away from someone that you love. The “photograph” has a double meaning – it is a snap shot of a precious moment spent together, but it also symbolizes the memories we hold in our heart.

“Oh you can fit meInside the necklace you got when you were 16Next to your heartbeatWhere I should beKeep it deep within your soul..”

“Photograph” offers a powerful message about love; even though love can be hard (especially when you are apart or estranged) “it is the only thing that keeps us alive“.

Ed Sheeran shares personal home videos in the video for “Photograph”. The song is included on his second album, X (released in 2014).

I know my arm is strong
the landscape of it’s breadth has held new life
has cradled the sweetest innocence
and protected a beating heart
I know my arm is strong
the same arm,
clenched tight by an angry fist,
is still strong

My voice is still here
the power of my words to heal and sooth
the joy of song and treasured talk
the chosen silence and the answers
no matter how heavy the hand
to bring down my voice,
my voice is still here

The heart
no words can tell
written, spoken, heard,
how you are my heart
my dearest child
that the deepest well within my being
holds your light and memory
always,
always,
and no man
no woman
no power, being, or force
shall take you from me
shall shake my grasp
of hope
that i will be your mother
that you are my child
and I will always love you.

Sunday, August 10, 2014, Day # 801 Without You, May This Message Find You My Little Love… Mommy’s Sunflower,

You used to giggle in your sleep, and that is how Mommy knew you were happy.

Mommy holding you, 6 mos. old, in front of church

1. All of Your Fantastic Smiles– mischievous (as in, “I just hid something so that you can’t find it, but I want you to find it”), sweet and angelic (like when you used to come and hug Mommy and pray with her or cuddle up and read with Mommy), thrilled and excited (while you clap your hands together and put them under your chin and giggle as if awaiting a Christmas present), wry (smirk as in, “Ha-ha, funny, but you didn’t fool me”), competitive (as in, “Mommy, I’m tired and can’t run anymore”…and then you sprint ahead and beat Mommy to the next mile-marker on the track), happy (as if enjoying a Happy Meal or playing troll under the bridge at the park with Mommy), the epiphany smile (as in, “Hey, I figured it out!”), Content, the Reciprocal Smile (smile back at someone smiling at you),….etc.;

2. The Way You Giggled in Your Sleep as a Baby and Then Talked In Your Sleep Just Like Mommy;

3. Your Sweet Little Laugh that I/Mommy could just bottle-up and sell with a pretty bow around it;

4. Your Spirit;

5. Your Comedy;

6. Your Wit and Sense of Humor;

7. Your intelligence, giftedness;

8. Your joie de vie, the joy of life, our happiness;

9. Your Adorable Little Face with the “apples” Mommy could just eat right out of those cute cheeks;

10. How you “stole Mommy’s eyes” and put them in yours;

11. The way you used to say, “Grr, Grr,” as a sign of affection in the morning or at night;

But this is just a short list, for Mommy will always love everything about you, and I will always be here for you as long at the Lord lets me. You should remember this every time you see a beautiful, bright, mysterious moon, a pretty sunflower, when you hold a good book, when you go swimming at the pool, go to the park, put a sticker on your hand like Mommy used to do so that you knew she was thinking about you whenever you looked at it at pre-school, whenever you ace a spelling test on Fridays, whenever you see a pretty bird take flight in the sky, know that Mommy is near like a Momma bird is never far from her nest of babies, even when she has to go and forage for food to bring back to them.

I love you, my little angel! I miss you every second of every minute of every hour of every day. Another first day of school is almost here for you–the third one in a-row (all of them) that they have kept you away from your Mommy. My heart breaks thinking about this. I do hope you are happy, my love, but I also hope you never stop thinking about your real Mommy and coming home as soon as possible. You can always come home. “Home is where the heart is.”

Sweetheart, my only “child,” my son, you are a rare gem, a jewel that sparkles like no other will ever sparkle for your Mummy. You are truly one in a million, and cannot and will not be replaced in my heart. Again, I will see you in my dreams, if I am lucky.

Long ago, child, do you remember still?
When I was a good mother and we made s’mores
You stabbed each marshmallow, dead-center,
Always careful to get it just right, delighting in your skill.

I can still smell those nights, all damp wood and sugar on fire
You couldn’t resist the urge to watch them burn
And hold them, torch-triumphant, in upraised fists of glory
I loved to watch you waving them like power
Your face clenched in victory over the elements of life
A simple bag of sugar can make us into gods
But finally, hungry and ready, you placed your fate into my hands
And asked for golden brown with full faith.

I love you more than words can convey. And I can’t begin to tell you how painful, how agonizing it has been to have been kept from expressing love to my child —

to have been prevented from caring for you. And to hear from others of signs you are showing signs of pain & emptiness…

I can’t express how desperately difficult this is, & how terrible it feels not to be able to make anyone protect you, let alone be blocked from reaching out & keeping you safe. It (this issue) is not you; it is this situation we’ve been put in — a situation which began a while back.
I will be where you need me to be. You only have to let me know. I would already be there if I knew it did not create trouble for you. I love you. I am here for you, waiting to know what you need me to do under these painful circumstances.

We are not alone. Other daughters & moms are also going thru this hell. We are praying for each other & for PEACE. But most of all,

I’m praying for you — your safety & wellness & right to love & enjoy your entire family. (These things all go together.There is no peace with DV By Proxy or alienation.

I’m so sad that so much time has been stolen — not just these past few years, but since you were small, too. And so much peaceful mother-daughter & family time was interfered with.

But I was happy for you because I thought you had all the caring attention I never had. I also thought (& had been encouraged to believe) that I had less value than others in your life, but now I realize that is a lie.
So many things I did & decisions I made were about trying to hold things together for our family under the weight of confusion. Although I regret my mistakes, ignorance, lack of parenting skills in an unfamiliar & unsecure situation, I’ve accepted (with the help of others) that I’m human.

While no one person should be at the center of any one’s life all the time (and no one, daughter, should limit who you love at any time, including — especially including: yourself), I strongly believe in the value I have in your life, or I would not bother in the face of so much painful rejection.

Control and rejection are two major components of alienation

You know I stand for forgiveness, inclusiveness, love, harmony, & peace…, but I stand against intentional cruelty, with a heart ready to forgive that, too.

You have also inspired me to share with others about why someone should consider vegetarian and vegan choices!

Your loved ones need you to be safe & healthy!!

But, I am also enjoying all the little blessings & not-so-little things in life, & I pray for the day you will enjoy them with me & your whole family.