Friday, February 26, 2010

Check Out The Cheeseburger On That Guy

I've never posted pictures of any of our renters for obvious reasons. But I really really wanted to give you an idea of what Renty looks like when he's kind of drunk and/or overly excited about something. He looks like the Jack Nicholson Joker, except thinner and younger and without the hat and clown makeup.

His smile covers the entire width of his face. It's equal parts hilarious and endearing and creepy.

So Renty hasn't had a whole lot to be joker face smiley about lately. I'm not going to list his person problems here because that's his story to tell, not mine. And also because I like not getting sued. Because I still can't decide if he knows about this blog or not. Probably not, but he tells me every day that he's "keepin' it real"...like he's trying to fuck with me and be all "I totally know about your little blog and how you make fun of me and my sayings and the way I make out with your cat".

So last night, Renty comes home from work and starts going through the mail. There's a small package for him and he gets all excited and rips it open. I'm watching the Olympics because I love sports and international relations and feel-good stories about snowboarders with head injuries and ohmygod sled dogs!!! So I'm all wrapped up in the latest Lindsay VonBlondeHair wipeout when Renty walks over and is all "Check out my new cd case!" and I look over and he's holding a giant cheeseburger in his hand.

I'm all "Ummmm, hahaaa nice cheeseburger?" and his joker smile gets even more jokery and he's all "It's a cd case!" and I'm all "Oh. Neat." and he's all *zip zip zip* "See? It opens where the meat part is and that's the inside where the cd's go!" and I'm all "Huh." and he's all *crazy smile crazy smile crazy smile* and I'm all "It's puffy" and he's all *creepy joker face stare* and I'm all *nervous laugh* "I mean, wow! Awesome! I'd never guess that cheeseburger has cd's inside it!" and he's all "It only cost me five dollars on ebay!" and I was all "And now your cd's are nestled snug between two buns. Just like your mom." and he's all "What? Oh! I get it! Haha haaaa ha haaaaaaaha aaahaaaaaaaseriouslyscaryjokersmileyface!!!!".

Then he put his cheeseburger cd holder in the pantry next to his tortilla chips. For reals.

21 comments:

LOL...too fricking funny! My in-laws have rentals and some of the stories they tell...I can only imagine what this renty's place will look like after he leaves...I'm guessing you'll be doing a lot of cleaning. Thanks for cracking me up this am.

Give him notice to move, now. Tell him that you need the room for your sister or something. Seriously. Cause in my head, which is a rare treat, I saw all kinds of bad scenarios with creepy Renty, involving burger-like objects and *ssholish laughing. Omg, where's the cat, have you seen the cat?