The Weight Of Motherhood: What I Know

Today, I felt as though I was suffocating under the weight of motherhood. Being a mother to special needs children carries with it an even greater sense of heaviness at times. To even say something like that makes me feel terrible. After all, I love my children with a deep, fierce, whole-heart kind of love…but I’m going to be really honest about this feeling because I know it simply means that I’m human. I also know that I’m not the only one. Several of my mom friends have expressed this same feeling of being frantically overwhelmed. It’s an uneasy, sometimes scary feeling. On days like this, the exhaustion and frustration I feel cause me to briefly forget what I know…

I feel like giving up. I feel like, if my children place one more demand on me, I’ll lose my mind. I feel like God was crazy to think I could handle this. I feel like the walls are closing in on me and I need to escape. I feel overwhelmed…Yet, I feel like I’m never doing enough. I feel afraid that I’m screwing up my kids. I feel like there isn’t enough coffee in the world and I feel like I need a vacation. I feel like I can’t possibly get up again tomorrow and do it all over again. I feel like a failure.

BUT…

I know that nothing could ever make me give up on my children. I know that, if I just took a second to breathe and organize my thoughts, I could handle their demands one at a time. I know that God hand-picked me to mother these kids and that He doesn’t make mistakes. I know that I have the ability to tell when I’m reaching the edge; to lock myself in the bathroom if necessary, so that I can calm down and refocus. I know that, if I’m truly doing my very best, I’m doing enough. I know that I can’t be perfect and, though I will make mistakes in parenting, God’s grace will cover over all the areas where I fall short. I know that coffee is literally everywhere and, though it is amazing, it’s really just a band-aid. I know that vacations are a want, not a need that I’m entitled to. (Although a trip to a tropical island would be really nice right about now…I’d even settle for a nice, hot, uninterrupted bath.) I know that His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:23) and, in His strength, I will carry on. I know that the fact that I give my all each day to make sure that my children are loved, disciplined, watched over, and cared for means that I am not a failure.

As this heavy day draws to a close, I will cling to truth. I will choose to forget the lies swirling around in my exhausted head and I will rest in The One who chose me for the calling of motherhood. I will pray for all of the other mothers out there who are nearing the end of their ropes. If you happen to be one of those weary souls, remember you are not alone. You are enough. In His strength, you can do this. I know it. ❤