The things caddies hate to hear their players say

In this June 10,2 008 file photo, Phil Mickelson, left, and his caddie Jim MacKay smile during a practice round for the US Open golf tournament at Torrey Pines Golf Course in San Diego. Ask caddies what is the worst thing their player can say and answers range from "How far did you say it was?" to "I think it's time for a change." But when you've been on the bag for Phil Mickelson, the answers can be entirely different. (AP Photo/Chris Carlson, File)
— AP

In this June 10,2 008 file photo, Phil Mickelson, left, and his caddie Jim MacKay smile during a practice round for the US Open golf tournament at Torrey Pines Golf Course in San Diego. Ask caddies what is the worst thing their player can say and answers range from "How far did you say it was?" to "I think it's time for a change." But when you've been on the bag for Phil Mickelson, the answers can be entirely different. (AP Photo/Chris Carlson, File)
/ AP

PALM HARBOR, Fla. 
The only way Phil Mickelson could advance his ball from underneath a bush on the 12th hole at Doral was to swing from the other side. As is often the case, risk was involved.

"I certainly didn't want to have to hit a right-handed shot with the lead," he said.

What concerned his caddie was the chance it could hit a palm tree and ricochet into even worse trouble, if not out of bounds. That's why Jim "Bones" Mackay suggested a more conservative option by taking a penalty stroke and moving 20 yards back.

He was overruled. Lefty was adamant about going righty.

"I've done this before," Mickelson told him.

That might make the top 10 list of the worst things a caddie can hear his player say, but it's not on Mackay's list. He knew Mickelson had actually done it before.

"One year Phil was playing at Summerlin with Neal Lancaster," Mackay said, referring to the Las Vegas tournament. "The 12th hole was a par 4 where you drive it short of this lake, and then it runs all the way up the right side. Phil drove it next to a tree in front of the lake, so the next shot was entirely over water. He turns over an 8-iron and knocks it right-handed onto the green, 15 feet from the hole.

"Neal hits it to 30 feet and left the first putt 15 feet short. Before he putted the next one, he turns to Phil and says two things – 'I can't believe that shot you hit,' and 'I've got no chance of making this putt.' And he missed it."

The right-handed shot at Doral came out perfectly – except that it hit a tree. Luckily for Mickelson, it dropped down into the rough, and he wound up making only a bogey. Mickelson went on to win the CA Championship by one shot.

The caddie-player relationship took on a peculiar twist Tuesday afternoon on the practice range at Innisbrook when J.P. Hayes hit a smother-hook into the trees and uttered with genuine surprise, "Whooooaaa!"

Paul Goydos looked over at him and smiled.

"That's probably the worst thing a caddie can hear his player say," Goydos said.

And so began an animated discussion of the worst things a caddie can hear his player say. Among them:

– "I think it's time for us to make a change."

This is player-caddie code for "you're fired."

– "I'll keep the yardage book today."

This does not mean the player is taking some of the workload off the caddie. This is a bad sign that usually precedes, "I think it's time for us to make a change." It happened to Mike "Fluff" Cowan at Riviera in 1999, and it was the last time he caddied for Tiger Woods.

– "How far did you say we had?"

Such a question typically is posed after a shot goes either 30 yards over the green or comes up 30 yards short. Usually, it means the caddie made a mathematical blunder – but not always.