Archive for the Jewish Category

So I went out drinking last night and ate some really bad chicken or something that my ulcer couldn’t handle and within an hour I felt like my insides were on fire. I ran into the closest public bathroom and the next thing I remember was I was in a hospital bed on an IV and was told that I reacted badly to whatever I ate and that I was found passed out in the bathroom in a pool of blood that came from my ass. I was told I shouldn’t drink, eat spicy food or eat anything that is hard to digest, and the good news is that I didn’t die, despite what doctors have been telling me the last 5 years if I keep up my habits….

The good news was that I used my state of being an invalid with a blood asshole to land another hole because my nurse was a hot little French Girl I wanted to see naked, it didn’t work because french girls hate me, even if they are Morroccan but like Emanuelle Chriqui’s ancestors and the Jewish people as a whole, I am a survivor. I just won’t talk about it for the next 5 decades like they do.

I get a lot of hate mail because I rip on Jewish Girls for having droopy dog faces due to generations of inbreeding to strengthen the community. I may do it to get a rise of the industry people who read this site and who I know are Jewish because everyone in Hollywood is, but I think it’s because Jewish girls are actually droopy dog faced monsters that scare me. Nose jobs, designer clothes, hair and make-up or not, they still have the ability to inspire Jewish men to marry gentiles. All while the poor fuckers who accidentally marry Jewish Dog Faced monsters to keep their families happy and secure their inheritance are keeping escort agencies, full service stripclubs, massage parlors in business. I guess it’s to feel what sex with a real girl who doesn’t chronically complain is like again. I could be wrong, sure Jewish girls give great head when they are trying to lasso their man, and that’s enough to look past a few birth defects, but doesn’t negate the fact that there are birth defects.

Either way, the evidence to back my point for today is Ashley Tisdale.

So I didn’t give up on the Token Gay Blogger, even though he thought I did. I just overlooked this post of his for a day because I was out getting drunk and I like making people feel insecure about themselves, it usually keeps them on their toes to pump out stronger, better, faster posts that will actually make me famous. So I am still convinced the Gay Blogger is going to make all the difference for me, while Michelle Trachtenberg may be making all the difference for the Jewish girls she used to go to summer camp with….it gives them massive street cred at temple….

Here is his post:

So I was walking down the street today and I noticed there was a lot of traffic, which I thought was strange for the hour of the day. As I kept walking, I came to a crosswalk where there was this homeless guy, standing in the middle of the street directing traffic. Of course he was no good at it because he was homeless, which means he was drunk and/or high and/or crazy and he was causing all kinds of confusion. People were honking at him and screaming and just generally pissed off. But I thought â€œGood for you Homeless Guy! Grab life by the horns and go for it!â€ See, he couldâ€™ve been like every other homeless person and just sit on the sidewalk and ask for change or play a shitty guitar or paint a shitty painting but no, he wanted to be different so he just jumped in the middle of the road and directed traffic. He is an inspiration to us all.

Which brings me to Miss Tranchtenberg. See, she hasnâ€™t done much since she was on Buffy, sure was in a few episodes of Six Feet Under and a few shitty movies, but she is not doing all that much to separate herself from every other young starlet. So whatâ€™s her solution? Putting on whoreish red lipstick? Sorry, sweetheart, Xtina already did it (and she looked a trillion times better too). I think Michelle needs to take some lessons from our homeless friend and do something daring. So, Michelle, wipe off the whore lipstick and do something unexpected.

So I didn’t give up on the Token Gay Blogger, even though he thought I did. I just overlooked this post of his for a day because I was out getting drunk and I like making people feel insecure about themselves, it usually keeps them on their toes to pump out stronger, better, faster posts that will actually make me famous. So I am still convinced the Gay Blogger is going to make all the difference for me, while Michelle Trachtenberg may be making all the difference for the Jewish girls she used to go to summer camp with….it gives them massive street cred at temple….

Here is his post:

So I was walking down the street today and I noticed there was a lot of traffic, which I thought was strange for the hour of the day. As I kept walking, I came to a crosswalk where there was this homeless guy, standing in the middle of the street directing traffic. Of course he was no good at it because he was homeless, which means he was drunk and/or high and/or crazy and he was causing all kinds of confusion. People were honking at him and screaming and just generally pissed off. But I thought “Good for you Homeless Guy! Grab life by the horns and go for it!” See, he could’ve been like every other homeless person and just sit on the sidewalk and ask for change or play a shitty guitar or paint a shitty painting but no, he wanted to be different so he just jumped in the middle of the road and directed traffic. He is an inspiration to us all.

Which brings me to Miss Tranchtenberg. See, she hasn’t done much since she was on Buffy, sure was in a few episodes of Six Feet Under and a few shitty movies, but she is not doing all that much to separate herself from every other young starlet. So what’s her solution? Putting on whoreish red lipstick? Sorry, sweetheart, Xtina already did it (and she looked a trillion times better too). I think Michelle needs to take some lessons from our homeless friend and do something daring. So, Michelle, wipe off the whore lipstick and do something unexpected.

I saw these pictures and felt compelled to post them because I am convinced that if any other celebrity site bothered to post them they’d make a joke about what Michelle Trachtenberg is going to look like when she gets older, like that whole look at their mother bullshit theory idiots say when they date girls with fat moms.

My theory is who cares what the mother looks like, it’s not like you’re going to be with them long enough to see that happen. If you’re lucky enough to have a girlfriend who lets you see her naked right now, I can pretty much guarantee she’s not the girl who is going to marry you, she’s just going through a phase, unless she already looks like Michelle Trachtenberg’s mom.

Let’s face it, ugly chicks are desperate and have cinderella wedding dreams too…and it takes losers like you to make those dream come true. So don’t think that your life has no purpose, because it does, just not a very amazing purpose that a lot of people would envy, but reality is that you shouldn’t want people to envy you. You’re your very own Make a Wish Foundation….

I am not here to shit on you and your dreams, I just encourage everyone to do what makes them happy and who am I to judge you. Just because I married a bitch who is fatter and more disgusting than this Trachtenberg mom and from my experience I think that marrying old fat cooter is like marrying a pile of shit, only this pile of shit eats and nags and eats and sleeps and complains and tries to sleep with you when you really don’t want to see them naked or venture into those parts traumatizing you to the point where you can’t get boners anymore…doesn’t make me an expert. Reality is, you shouldn’t even be reading this.

Fran Drescher annoys the fuck out of me. Not because she is a Jew, but because of her laugh. I guess that’s her novelty and everyone hates her for it – including me – so me saying this is really redundant. The dude at this Jewelery store is scopin out her cleavage and spotting a pervert always makes me happy, you know reminding myself that I am not the only one. The difference is that if this was a pic of me scopin out a girl, she’d prolly be 15, and I’d prolly be her stepdad. It makes for pretty controversial x-mas cards, my fat wife eating a donut on her retard scooter, me and my 2 girls and a hand on each ass – staring at the older one’s titties. I would post it here, but then you’d all know who I am and I hate signing autographs/getting beaten up.

Fran Drescher annoys the fuck out of me. Not because she is a Jew, but because of her laugh. I guess that’s her novelty and everyone hates her for it – including me – so me saying this is really redundant. The dude at this Jewelery store is scopin out her cleavage and spotting a pervert always makes me happy, you know reminding myself that I am not the only one. The difference is that if this was a pic of me scopin out a girl, she’d prolly be 15, and I’d prolly be her stepdad. It makes for pretty controversial x-mas cards, my fat wife eating a donut on her retard scooter, me and my 2 girls and a hand on each ass – staring at the older one’s titties. I would post it here, but then you’d all know who I am and I hate signing autographs/getting beaten up.