Dear Coleen

My dad is 65 and he and my mum divorced when I was 10 (I’m 28 now). He’s been single since then, but he has had lots of girlfriends over the years. A couple of them were serious and those relationships lasted a few years, but most were just casual flings.

I suppose I thought my dad would always remain single, but in April he met a woman and they’ve been dating seriously since. She is 28 years younger than him and they met through working together on a project. My dad is a very “young”, fit and handsome 65-year-old and he’s never had a problem attracting younger women.

Because of the age gap, I assumed this relationship wouldn’t last either, so I’ve never really made an effort to get to know his girlfriend – although I’m always polite to her when we see each other.

To say I was shocked is the understatement of the century. My brother was surprised, too, but he managed to say, “Wow, congratulations”, while I just spat out, “Are you kidding?”. I felt really angry with him and left pretty soon afterwards.

I’m not proud of the way I behaved, but I just didn’t see it coming and it feels like he’s jumped into this relationship without really thinking about it properly.

Any advice?

Coleen says

If you’re honest with yourself, I think it would be true to say you’re a little bit jealous because you’ve pretty much had your dad to yourself for 18 years and never expected this to happen.

Your dad might be 65, but he’s not over the hill yet and he’s entitled to a life of his own, and that includes marriage and kids.

Yes, it’s a big age gap, but I’m sure he has thought about that and that they’ve both discussed the potential pitfalls.

Also, he’s getting married to this woman. They want to commit to each other and bring up their child together.

You’ve admitted you haven’t made the effort to get to know your dad’s fiancee, so now’s the time to do it. It could actually be a really exciting family time for all of you.

Make a date to see your dad on his own, apologise for your outburst and then have a discussion with him.

I’m sure he anticipated that you might not take it well and that you’d have lots of questions. But don’t let it spoil your relationship with him. And get to know his fiancee properly before you judge her.