in a mess.

Bit of back story, exh had affair many yrs ago and we separated, during our separated time we would still occasionally sleep together.divorced 5 yrs ago, kids grown up. Nearly 2 yrs ago it all came out about this other woman, kids didn't know about the affair as was all hidden, they found out in 2013, late last yr his gf had a baby, my dc have nothing to do with baby or gf,have told their dad this is how they feel and he is ok with this! The mess is that we have been sleeping together since be4 the gf was pregnant. I know it's wrong but I can't stop, we talk daily,I go to family gatherings, his gf doesn't.

I suppose I'm using him in a way, I do still have feelings for him and he feels the same but don't know whether I'd actually want him back.This woman was the reason we broke up so to be honest I don't think bout her in all this (which I know is wrong)

colafrosties, I see where ur coming from and I know ur right, she didn't give a damn that I had 2 small kids who have been affected, my dc feel so strongly that they have said to family members that they don't have a half sibling, they want nothing to do with the gf or baby. It's v v messy

You should be looking at who really screwed your family over - your horrible xh. Please get some self respect and integrity and stop being an orifice for a poor excuse of a human. No wonder the world's in a mess with selfish cruel people like you and your xh in it.

Well, I'm not going to stick the boot in by having a go at you about whether it's wrong or not. You don't need anyone to do that. You know what the score is, but yes, it's certainly not helpful to you or anyone. It's not good for your self esteem to be a fuck buddy to someone who didn't want you enough to remain in a faithful relationship with you. Good enough to shag, not good enough to be with. Can't feel nice. your entire worth to him is between your legs. Do you want to be that person?

It's not good for your emotional well being to sleep with him to have some sort of victory in your mind - he's shagging you and going home to her! Unless you're planning on telling her, or videoing it and emailing it to her, or scrawling "wellawella was here" on his back in permanent marker, what's the point? you're certainly not hurting him by shagging him and you're not hurting her because she doesn't know.

I bet it's hurting you though.

and, if you're wanting to prove that you're desirable to him? That he wants you? that he's sleeping with you because secretly he still loves you and wants you back? Probably not. He's likely just sleeping with you because you let him, then going back and being a family with her.

It really is a situation where no matter how you look at it - you lose.

onemorerose I don't actually know, I know if he thought anything of me he wouldn't of had the affair yrs ago, he mustn't think much of her either if he's still sleeping together, we spend Christmas as a family always have,even tho last yr he had his new baby,

Do you realise you are now the thing you hate- the other woman, person breaking a family up etc? I can't imagine it's great for your kids either. Or are they being lied to also? I don't wish to be unkind but your judgement is really off with this, imo

Quitelikely5 as a dad to our kids he's always been great, hes always there for them, tho as a husband not good. onemorerose, I often think about that, and sometimes i do think what it would be like but I'd never trust him fully again.Janette123 I do have alot to think about.