According to National Enquirer, John Edwards has proposed to his mistress, Rielle Hunter. He gave three reasons for wanting to marry her: He loves her, she’s the mother of his child, and of course, a wife can’t testify against her husband.

Mitt Romney says President Obama’s promises are like Kim Kardashian’s wedding vows. President Obama shot back. He said Romney’s positions last about half as long as a Kim Kardashian wedding.

Experts say traffic deaths are down because the bad economy means more cars are being repossessed, and all the unemployment means we don’t have as many people driving to work. So you know what that means? The White House economic plan is also their highway safety plan.

When Rick Perry was told about Kim Jong Il, he said, “I never heard of him, but then again, I don’t listen to that rap.”

Conan

Fidel Castro declared that a robot would do a better job as president than Barack Obama. After hearing this, Mitt Romney thanked Castro for his endorsement.

Mitt Romney is saying his comments about liking to fire people were taken out of context. Yeah, what he actually said was he likes to set poor people on fire.

Tonight is the new season of “Jersey Shore.” It promises to have all of the name calling, sex scandals, and backstabbing of the Republican primaries.

Presidential candidate Rick Santorum is under fire for a remark he made in Iowa about black people. The remark has sparked outrage among Iowa’s black community, otherwise known as Steve.

Mitt Romney has come under fire for his pledge to eliminate federal funding for PBS. Romney said, “When I’m president, the only operated puppet speaking to kids will be me.”

Letterman

Mitt Romney said that he liked to fire people. Well, there’s a pretty good message to send to Middle America.

When Rick Perry heard that, he said, “Well that’s nothing. I like to execute people.”

Jon Huntsman is surging in New Hampshire. And if it lasts longer than four hours, he’d better call a doctor.

Mitt Romney said that he enjoyed firing people. Way to connect with the middle class there, Mitt.

Newt Gingrich had a horrible week in the Iowa caucuses. Only 13 percent of his ex-wives voted for him.

I was at the airport and it is so cold out there that to keep warm, the TSA agents were actually putting their hands in their own pants.

Newt Gingrich is demanding that judges be arrested. I thought, “Whoa, that’s what two divorces will do for you.”

Craig Ferguson

I watched the Republican debate. At one point, the candidates said there are no classes in America, a point then hotly debated by all six rich white guys that were there.

Jimmy Fallon

The national debt has reached $15 trillion — the size of the entire U.S. economy. Yeah, I don’t wanna say President Obama is out of solutions for the debt, but today he tried handing it off to Tim Tebow.

President Obama met with the Dallas Mavericks to congratulate them on their 2011 NBA Championship. While Joe Biden met with the Globetrotters to congratulate them on that episode of “Scooby-Doo” they did.

France apparently passed a new law that makes it harder to become a French citizen. Most people just get lazy and give up. At which point they’re named a French citizen.

Jimmy Kimmel

Herman Cain is back. He’s planning to tour the country in a bus, which sounds like his wife has kicked him out of the house.

And if this doesn’t exhaust your interest in political humor, you can enjoy some good cartoons here, here, here, and here.

Daimler AG, the German company that manufactures Mercedes-Benz luxury cars, called its promotional use of an image of Marxist revolutionary Ernesto “Che” Guevara a “thoughtless” and “stupid” decision that was not intended to offend people. …In a statement sent to FoxNews.com, Daimler said it “was not condoning the life or actions of this historical figure or the political philosophy he espoused.”

That’s probably not the most heartfelt and sincere apology ever issued, but it will have a positive impact. Somewhere at Daimler AG, there’s a marketing executive that is going to lose a bonus (and maybe even a job). Other people in the fields of advertising and public relations will have seen the backlash and be much less likely to make similar mistakes.

And perhaps a few people who were ignorant will actually learn a bit about history and begin to understand the evil nature of communism.

I doubt this will have any impact on the empty-headed kids who wear Che t-shirts, but you can’t have everything.

From a personal perspective, the best thing about this episode is that I’ve been attacked by a water-carrying apologist for totalitarianism.

In my line of work, one way to measure whether you’re doing a good job is the degree to which you get criticized by bad people.