Take some rice.

How much rice? Well, kind of depends. Generally three quarters of a cupful, depending on the size of your cups, will do you as a “major portion” for two people. So if you were making, say, chilli that would be enough. If it’s a side-show to the main event, you might want half that.

Boil a saucepan of water.

There are as many ways to cook rice as there are cooks on the internet. There are ways to minimise starch so it sticks together less, and ways to maximise it so you can make blocks or cakes. This way creates edibile rice, and does not require attention or difficulty.

Pour the rice into the water.

Other, more complicated ways cooking rice involve boiling down the water in the pan until it’s almost soupy with starch, and the best way possible is to take a large saucepan of water that’s been used to cook rice all day and cook rice in that. This is also the point where, if you’re making flavoured rice, you should add the spices and stuff. Generally, though, just dump it in.

Wait exactly seven minutes.

Why seven? Seven is a carefully derivied number sent to us from the rice cooking people of old. It is a number of great and abiding significance to the world, and as important to the universe as time and space itself. Also, after many years of cooking rice, I’m telling you its seven.

Drain the rice into a sieve.

(Not a collender. That way lies a lack of rice). If you find that this process makes your rice overly sticky, you should pour a kettle of boiling water over the rice in the sieve, which will help wash off the excess starch. Mostly, though, I wouldn’t bother.