Meeting somebody online dangers?

nightmare57

Well-known member

I met this person on a dating site but more a specialist site for people who are asexual. We got talking and he seemed nice, we had a lot in common. We was only talking for less than a week and he told me he wanted to meet me and he can travel to my hometown on the train, this is over 90 miles away each way - told me he used a stick and and sometimes a wheelchair as he had chronic fatigue and hardly went our. He told me he was lonely...

I didn't have a problem with that but I felt it was too soon to meet. He did pressurise me a little. I have never met anybody on a dating side but I was thinking that we hardly know each other and he wants to meet, I didn't know his second name, his home town, or anything. It did make me a little uncomfortable. I think he sounded desperate and that was really off-putting. I called the meeting off and said I wanted to get to know him better before we meet, he hasn't contacted me in about 2 days now..

Do you think I did the right thing? Does wanting to meet somebody straight away without talking sound strange.? I did feel a little bad for letting him down..

Mayfair

Well-known member

I met this person on a dating site but more a specialist site for people who are asexual. We got talking and he seemed nice, we had a lot in common. We was only talking for less than a week and he told me he wanted to meet me and he can travel to my hometown on the train, this is over 90 miles away each way - told me he used a stick and and sometimes a wheelchair as he had chronic fatigue and hardly went our. He told me he was lonely...

I didn't have a problem with that but I felt it was too soon to meet. He did pressurise me a little. I have never met anybody on a dating side but I was thinking that we hardly know each other and he wants to meet, I didn't know his second name, his home town, or anything. It did make me a little uncomfortable. I think he sounded desperate and that was really off-putting. I called the meeting off and said I wanted to get to know him better before we meet, he hasn't contacted me in about 2 days now..

Do you think I did the right thing? Does wanting to meet somebody straight away without talking sound strange.? I did feel a little bad for letting him down..

Valka

Well-known member

I've met 3 people from the internet.
One from the South coast of England, one being my friend from the US that I've known for 6 years or so and another being my ex from the US also.

The person from England I'd only known for a month or two, so I thought best that we meet up in a city nearby. In that case I knew where she lived, her full name and so on. But still, unless you've known the person for a while I'd always advise against bringing them to your home.
Prime example being the person I met in the nearby city, it didn't go so well as I wasn't comfortable with what she was after. I ended up having to delete her and block her on the website I met her through (not a dating one or anything, my intentions were to meet up as a friend).

So some of the best people I've met have been on the internet.
It gives a larger pool of people to talk to, but at the same time more people means more types that you probably don't want anything to do with.

Treat meeting someone online the same as meeting anyone really.
If you don't know the person well - public place. You wouldn't invite some guy around to your house for a cup of tea after speaking to him a few times at your local corner shop, so the internet should be no different. You'd invite them to the cinema or something.
If you've known the person for many months / years then sure that's much more acceptable. Sharing addresses to send packages, letters and even visits can be great.

megirl

Well-known member

I'm thinking of joining a dating site.
I kind dont really want to have someone who doesn't get mental illness.
I need to tell them because then I will know what sort of person they are.
If it was someone local I would ask around if anyone's heard of this person.
Certainly meet in a public place.

Vanlife

Well-known member

I'm thinking of joining a dating site.
I kind dont really want to have someone who doesn't get mental illness.
I need to tell them because then I will know what sort of person they are.
If it was someone local I would ask around if anyone's heard of this person.
Certainly meet in a public place.

I found it very hard on date sites .. pacifically on mental health ones - most of the people i've chatted to have been miles away or another country ,just recently i got chatting to a lovely lady , lots in-common & even chatted on the phone but again the distance and her troubles as well , i felt it was very cruel to heart to keep chatting , it' was so easy have attachment feelings to someone i've never met just because they give you attention & understanding .

so i felt it was best to slowly stop than putting each other through pain on the distance side ,as i couldn't help her in reality as she couldn't me in being supportive in a readership apart from chatting on the phone .

it's very hard , when one or the other couldn't take their own life if something went wrong .

megirl

Well-known member

Thanks Vanlife,
That would be me chatting on the phone,getting on really well, if its long distance its not going to work. Then great to out for a coffee,but the everyday stuff.
My husband and I split he was getting quite bullyish and controlling to me.
BUT he has been through some very very dark times with me,I would be so distressed angry and he could calm me down,he was my rock many times over.
Can or will I ever get someone like that and do I want to have to rely on someone that might just abandon me if things get rough

Vanlife

Well-known member

i'm not saying distance is a fault , but in this case it was .. being we both had commitment at each end .. being i had mother just up the road and she had her mother the same .. and it would in time result in one or the other in moving closer or whatever . but in this case not for many years . but life was telling me this is going to be very painful in the heart , so best call it time out .

For me as time as gone on and i'm 51 and been on my own for a number of year's , it's about companionship/sharing in life , going on adventures or whatever . the everyday matters i just manage by myself and it would be nice to have someone to help out at times if they wanted .

i feel the only person you can rely on is yourself until a trust is built in time , yet still have a safety in yourself that should can manage without that person around .

it's a very hard topic to chat about .. as it's messes with people life's and could be a problem rather than help .

but try and keep positive in yourself and try not to rely on someone hole heartedly

megirl

Well-known member

Yes as my marriage broke up a year ago, almost exactly. I havnt ever been on my own before,just being me,I feel like I dont need to please others all the time,I can actually do whatever I want so all I need to do is please myself.
So thinking about that do I want to get into a relationship anytime soon?
I think not yet. I guess people know when they're ready.

megirl

Well-known member

I joined that dating site, a few guys chatting to me,now I can't be bothered with any of it. Maybe I'm not ready. I havnt even replied to my messages,I just want to be left in my own space at the moment
I do feel a bit guilty not replying but oh well

midnightphoenix

Well-known member

Be very careful when meeting anyone online. One man I arranged to meet was basically a creep. He kept insisting he wanted to meet but cause I had transport issues he got nasty about that. I ended up having to change my mobile number just to get rid of him.

You did the right thing.

BPDevil

Well-known member

Be very careful when meeting anyone online. One man I arranged to meet was basically a creep. He kept insisting he wanted to meet but cause I had transport issues he got nasty about that. I ended up having to change my mobile number just to get rid of him.

had a similar experience, got to know someone through trying to help him out of killing himself, he was manipulative, selfish and sociopathic, it was mentally exhausting and damaging especially as he knew how vulnerable I was at the time

just long story short, don't trust anyone online, even those that appear vulnerable themselves, not everyone has good intentions

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