Healthy Movement: Body feels a bit BLEAH. Can get low back to anger-up if I stretch it too much. Energy stayed okay throughout the day, although BK easily could have talked me into Trav's instead of a run - but I didn't offer this information, as I needed a run for my brain state. And I'm glad I didn't offer, because the run was lovely (once we turned out of the wind). Felt good to feel good! Left core was a bit crank afterward, as was left foot, but I attribute that to the over-tiredness rather than the mileage.

Fun & Play: Strong class. Happy coworkers. Break time with BK at which he still didn't mention Kate* OMG SRSLY. HH chitchat. Texts with Dustin, and with HB.

The run with BK, at which I finally forced him to tell me he's dating Kate. His reason for not telling me was that he "doesn't like to talk about his personal life" because he's a dude; and I told him I'd accept that, if it wasn't being obviously broadcast to the general public on FB, and friends are for personal life information, not just inane chitchat! He apologized, I forgave (I already had). We are good (and he doesn't even know we were bad - boys have it so easy!) and we came away with some hilarious quotes:

BK: "I may be a girly dude, but I do have some dude qualities!"

Me: "And I have girly qualities, but I fight them with all my strength!"

Stress Management: I spent most of the day as a very tired girl, mentally speaking. Low low low. Like when I went to horn in on BK's lunch, he wasn't there, and so I assumed he was avoiding me, even though I had not told him I was joining him; my inner cunt voice immediately went to assuming everyone hates me and WHY DO I GET THIS WAY. Ugh, it's fucking obnoxious. I hate that cunty internal voice so, so, so much. What shuts her up is talking to my friends, because their voices are so much more loving than hers. I'm glad I know this fix.

Personal Growth: Brett's marathon went really well yesterday, and he had this to say, filling up my giant hulk heart:

Normally I suck immensely on the up hills but I swear I owe Sabrina and her
death camp some credit, because the inclines seemed comfortably easy today.

That, my friend, is BLISS: helping the people I love do what they love!

OMG: Dustin & Mike & I are having supper tomorrow night. Please, universe, let us all be on the same page of awesome. Please please please.

Sleep: 7 hours in bed, 1030p-530a, 72% quality. Up late due to TV like a dumbass. Got up feeling okay, but was desperately needing my nap time, 230-430p.

Healthy Movement: Body feeling fine, but at NSS I was logging sets of only 6 pulls, which was my limit of keeping them super strict, despite being a half hour apart. And still my shoulders and elbows were sore by the 10th set. So at home, I did nothing at all. Let the body heal & rest from whatever its stupid damn problem is.

Fun & Play: Many hours at NSS that included M & boys playing games while he squeezed in a workout, Holea & Mitzi & fetch, and a lotta productivity. (Still, my energy & brain tanked before I had finished all that I wanted. Left in desperate need of a nap, and postponed the M/D meeting to next week or weekend. I was too tired to be able to properly sell my awesomeness.) BK chitchat, a running date for tomorrow night. Hubs time. Pet time. BB chitchat. HB chitchat, swapping pooch pics!

Nutrition: I think the current blast of acne is from fake sugars, like stevia in the Natural Calm. Yep, can't even fake my way to sweet. Obnoxious.

5a-eggs, beef hot dog, toast, coffee w/ CM

(630-7.1m trails)

8-Larabar

1030-jerky, LB

12P-apple, jerky, LB

330-LB

630-LB

830-grilled cheeze, beef hot dog, apple w/ SB, bootch

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 915p-5a, 79% quality. Solid but still could've used more. Weird dreams, like about Hanky being able to talk!

Healthy Movement: Got up feeling stiff. Run with Heidi was a slog, but also a delight! Standing all day at the tax firm again, though not nearly as long thanks to sleeping in (??) for the later run. Low back got pretty tight after what turned about to be still pretty long: 9-7 without any breaks to sit & eat, like I had yesterday. Sore feet and bit of the deep left gluts ache, nothing major.

Sleep: 7.25 hours in bed, 915p-430a, 71% quality. Got up twice after settling in, once to ask the hubs to turn down the hockey game, again when I realized I was hearing a cat trapped in the pantry. Woke naturally and got up feeling rested, surprisingly.

Healthy Movement: Little bit of the usual deadlift soreness, but minimal. Some stiffness from standing at a desk that is slightly off from my usual, finding myself with hips too far forward for too much of the day. Legs got extremely stiff, too, much more so than at TS; guess I don't move as often here. Feet got fat and I had to call it a day just shy of 13 hours. (Breaks for grub, of course.)

Fun & Play: Taxy day! Lunch with the hubs. BK chitchat on Tahoe. Nice chitchat with the taxy peeps on job possibilities. I really truly may be able to cobble together an ideal (& full-time) job situation between DBB & NSS. It could happen if I decide to make it happen.

Stress Management: Today is the 3-year anniversary of an old friend's death. I wasn't in his life much anymore, but he was always there in my formative years, another big brother. Seeing FB posts about him prompted a little breakdown, just missing him. Life is not fair, yo; death even less so.

Healthy Movement: Aching in the deep left glute again, from yesterday's run. Got better throughout the day, nothing left by session time. Had a kickass day where deadlifts were easy & light. Happy deadlift day, my friend!

Stress Management: Today's workday was longer than yesterday's, but much better. Because I was doing what felt like worthwhile work. I had a crapton of entries to make, and today was my last day to make them, and so I buckled down and worked until 630p. And I didn't mind. That's telling me that much of my frustration with work is attending unnecessary meetings, doing busywork, and also the being overwhelmed, still a problem. Next month has potential to suck worse than Cuntbruary did...I hope my brain can stay up, that will be the key.

Temperance: Yesterday & today I rehearsed a rather combative encounter with the nurse who would go over my health assessment with me today. I was ready to argue that I don't need a follow-up visit solely due to my high cholesterol because EVERY OTHER HEALTH FACTOR is fucking glorious, and goddammit, I'm healthier than anyone else in this fucking company. Then it hit me, wait...I actually probably am. Strongest chick: not quite, we have miss AP taking that mantle, unless we're talking upper body, I may win that round. But my endurance will kick her ass, for sure. Which makes me more well-rounded and...whoa. That was a pretty amazing realization. It's high time I stop letting my first 30 years define me. (Luckily, today's nurse was super reasonable and gave me a gold star. I get a follow-up lab check in 6 months, but she was so reasonable, and so happy to have someone healthy to just congratulate. It was lovely!)

BK was totally lying to me by omission. I am now certain that I was right about my suspicions nearly two weeks ago, and we've hung out four freaking hours since then, between breaks & lunches & runs, and he's said nothing to me. Oh, he's dropped some obvious hints that he clearly expected me to pick up (I did) and ask questions (I won't; I refuse; if you have something to tell me, you tell me, like a damn adult). And now the evidence of his news is showing up on Facebook (without clearly stating it, but it's beyond obvious). And here I sit, supposedly a bestie, but I'm (theoretically) finding out alongside every other random FB acquaintance. So yeah, that feels great. I am angry & hurt & disappointed. I am SO tempted to text him to demand an apology & an explanation, but I want to see him in person, so he can't get off easily via text. Which means Monday morning. That's 3.5 more days! Argh!!

Healthy Movement: Body is tight all over, including a bit in low back. Squat soreness big time after standing a long time in the morning, but sitting in a couple meetings helped. Still: feeling very BLEAH again/already. Afternoon was worse, and I nearly didn't want to go run. But I couldn't be happier that I did. HH & I had a thoroughly enjoyable slog, full of chitchat and laughter, and I left feeling like me again.

Fun & Play: Class. Hubs chitchat. Lunch with BK. Work productivity. HH time that was the best, the most, the everything. I fucking love that woman. More hubs time in the eve. He has been 100% wonderful lately.

Stress Management: Hated what I did at work today, as the bulk of my hours felt like mindless, pointless, mid-level management bullshit busywork. Made me so frustrated, because there is so much MORE IMPORTANT SHIT I should be doing. Like work I keep discovering undone, related to a job I shouldn't be doing, but am stuck doing because we have two open positions, one of which should still be occupied and I want to SMASH. THINGS. By 3pm it felt like 7pm, or perhaps like I'd already been there for a lifetime. I am burned the fuck out.

Temperance: 99% sure BK is lying to me, or at least, purposely not telling me very big news. This feels like shit. He is in my tip-top tier of beloveds, and I keep no secrets from him - he is, in fact, in on more of my life than most folks in that tier. So for him to still withhold something that I figured out almost 2 weeks ago? Hurts. A lot.

I know he's not telling me because he thinks I'll lecture him for it. Which feels shittier, because I absolutely will not. I'm very disappointed that the foolish boy doesn't know me half as well as I know him, if I'm right about all of this. Hurts even more.

Nutrition: Getting some acne. From Trav's? From pizza? From mixed nuts? From Kind Strong bars? GAH. I actually feel like I've had some weird digestion for the past few days, and generally these go together. Everything digestive SEEMS to be functioning normally, but I feel rather bloated & just...bleahgross. I shall eat more good stuff, less of the outer-limit stuff, and hopefully things return to my normal.

5a-eggs, Slawsa, sausage, toast, coffee w/ CM

10-banana toddler pack w/ Renola & CM

1145-fruit leather

(12p-Dustin session)

130-ribs, pineapple

230-banana

530-KS bar

7-raw veg & pork rinds w/ guac, apple w/ SB, bootch

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 915p-445a, 79% quality. Felt quite solid until 430a. Couldn't quite fall back then, though I had time to.

Healthy Movement: Still feeling the deadlifts, sore muscles from mid-back through hams; fine with it as long as it doesn't affect my session. But it totally did, and I wasn't even expecting it. What the damn hell? Only logged a single set of SA chin work in class, and called it a deload day for pulls. Because my gut instinct was to FORCE THEM, I did the opposite; I've learned that forcing my body to do anything is generally a very bad idea, even though it hurts the brain to be "lazy."

Fun & Play: Hubs chitchat - in the morning! Silly pets. BK chitchat. FB silliness with trail-runner peeps. Happy coworkers. Fun class working on technique, with some kickass squats by AS. Hubs time in eve. He had cute baby animal videos queued up for me since I had told him I would be working late after a shitty afternoon full of meetings. Baby animals! Goats!! Whatta guy.

About Me

And every day, the world will drag you by the hand, yelling, "This is important! And this is important! And this is important! You need to worry about this! And this! And this!" And each day, it's up to you to yank your hand back, put it on your heart and say, "No. This is what's important."