Trump 1 more flake in Calif.

Tuesday

Mar 13, 2018 at 8:43 AMMar 13, 2018 at 9:10 AM

HOLLYWOOD — God Bless America, and how’s everybody?

President Trump is flying to Southern California Tuesday to inspect proposed border walls in San Diego and later attend a Republican Party fundraiser in Beverly Hills. The president will fit right in. There’s so many flakes in Los Angeles that I have to wear Head and Shoulders as a cologne.

President Trump announced Friday he will meet with North Korean dictator Kim Jung Un to set conditions for getting rid of the nuclear bombs and ICBM missiles on the Korean peninsula. So far, the two leaders have only agreed to one pre-condition for their meeting. Putin doesn’t cater it.

Dennis Rodman volunteered to go with Trump to talk disarmament with Kim Jung Un. What’s crazier is, it’s probably a good idea. We’ve reached the point in U.S. diplomacy where we need Dennis Rodman at the peace talks so our nuclear-armed enemy will know we’re negotiating seriously.

USA Today reported North Dakota is the drunkest state in America followed by Wisconsin and Minnesota. It proves by deductive reasoning that Ireland was originally settled by Scandinavians. Last Saturday night North Dakota got so drunk it woke up in bed Sunday morning with West Virginia.

LeBron James was interviewed Sunday and did not deny or confirm rumors that he might go to the Los Angeles Lakers after his contract expires. He first left Cleveland for Miami before he returned to the Cavaliers. Today he’s in the history books as the only man ever to return to Cleveland.

The California Senate banned Sen. Bob Hertzberg from hugging women on the Senate floor or in his office due to harassment allegations by women. It’s a new state law. In California you aren’t allowed to hug anybody in the workplace unless you have the power to green-light a screenplay.

Stormy Daniels sued to try to break her non-disclosure deal with Trump Friday. The president is being sued by a porn star so she can sell the details of their affair to the tabloids. Why are the Democrats still whining about the president we elected when it looks like we elected a Clinton after all?

President Trump regaled a Pennsylvania crowd with an off-the-Teleprompter show for over an hour Saturday covered live on TV. Some people refuse to enjoy the show. The biggest disaster of the Trump presidency is the number of really funny late-night comics we’ve lost to political commentary.

The Nobel Peace Prize Committee in Oslo began sifting through the first wave of nominees to receive the coveted award this fall. The number of worthy candidates for this great honor increases each day. North Korea just volunteered to broker peace talks between the U.S. and California.

Attorney General Jeff Sessions vowed to compel California Sanctuary Cities to comply with U.S. immigration laws. The situation is tenuous. The Los Angeles school board ruled that a teacher is not allowed to ask a student about his immigration status but it’s bound to come up during pillow talk.

The White House proposed deeper background checks, age requirements and bump-stock bans to deter mass shootings Sunday but it didn’t please the anti-gun crowd. They deeply believe that if we outlaw guns, people will stop shooting each other. That’s how we got everyone to stop doing drugs.

USA Today reported Thursday that the Democratic Party is surging in new energy from young voters who are politically far to the left of old establishment Democrats in Washington. Fifteen times in her Thursday press briefing, Nancy Pelosi lost her train of thought. There were no survivors.

The Census Bureau blamed today’s low U.S. birth rate on the Millennial generation that’s been slow to get married. Before Millennials get married, they need to ask themselves a very important question. Is this the person you want to spend the rest of your life watching them look at their phone?

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.

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