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Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Jayman is Giving Up on Marriage

Holaaaaaaaaaaa y’all! As you may or may not recall, one of
my New Year’s resolutions for 2014 was to get married. Yes it was. I even wrote
about on this here blog. No, that wasn’t a joke! I was serious about that. I
came to the conclusion that what’s missing in my life is the joy and
companionship that only a life partner can provide. So, I set out to find a
wife.

Well, it’s damn near October and I’ve made very little
progress on the wife front. As you can imagine I’m very disappointed about
this. I had hoped to be having an elaborate and beautiful wedding at the
Justice of the Peace’s office by the time the college football season really
got rolling. That would be about NOW if you didn’t know. As you can see, that
hasn’t happened.

I have made the very difficult decision to suspend my search
for a wife for the remainder of 2014. Obviously I consider this an embarrassing
failure on my part and I take full responsibility for it. I should have done
more, but I just didn’t. Now we’re staring down the barrel of the Holidays and
it’s just too hectic a time of year to be wasting so much time on a fool’s
errand.

I’ll have to resume my search sometime in early 2015. I’ll
use these next three months, or what free time I have, evaluating what went
wrong and what new strategies I can try when Wife Search 2015™ commences. One of the
things I’m considering is widening the search area. Maybe not really widening the
search area so much as changing the region I’m focusing on. I’m thinking about
focusing on American women. Well, NORTH American women. I don’t think we can
ignore Mexico and Canada. I’m sure I will come up with other ideas too.

There’s one other thing that has caused me to come to this
decision. I have been very deeply affected by the news of George Clooney
getting married over the weekend. I think Clooney getting married makes my
failure to find a suitable wife all the more glaring. I don’t really blame
George, but …. Well okay, I blame George a little. You see, George promised to
provide all of us unmarried guys cover by never getting married again. He
really let me down. What’s worse is that he suddenly gave up all the bimbos and
married a human rights lawyer who is super smart and educated and all that
shit. So, while George was wooing an Oxford and NYU Law School grad I was busy
telling a sweet Asian girl on Facebook that she doesn’t have to call me “sir”
and that “Daddy” would do just fine.

George’s marriage has made me question everything I’ve ever
believed. I don’t know if I can ever forgive him for it, but I’ll try. I hope
everyone understands my anguish and respects my decision.

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The "I'm With Stupid" blog is the blog addendum to the radio show, but with a twist. This is also a community blog. If you have a post you would like to do contact Matt-Man or Jayman and let us know! Let's get stupid people!