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All posts for the month September, 2014

I want all of you to know that I’m not writing this blog due to the domestic abuse that has occurred within the NFL. Now with that being said, let’s proceed.

Domestic violence can often occur with someone that you trust and often times it’s due to that person’s inability to control their emotions. It can however, be caused by someone who has a mental illness such as Paranoia which can cause the person to believe that their partner is doing things intentionally to make them angry. The other side of it can also be the person’s inability to take personal responsibility for their own actions. Often times the abuser will say “If you hadn’t of said that, this wouldn’t be happening” or whatever the case is.

I want you to know a few things. In the first place, I’m a survivor of domestic violence. I won’t bore you with the details but, I will tell you that the person who abused me did so for as long as he could get away it and first chose isolation to keep me from telling anyone and then proceeded with the endless cycle of breaking my spirit to make me submissive. You see these are all common steps of the abuser and most abusers are afraid for anyone to discover what they are doing.

The most difficult thing for women to do is to leave their abuser. It’s common that people will criticize and say “Why didn’t you leave sooner” well, as I stated before Isolation is the abusers biggest advantage. There are extreme cases where the abuser will literally force you to stay inside the house. The person may block the doors/windows, they may tie you up or even lock you in a closet. There’s no way to escape most of the time unless someone gets worried about you and comes to your rescue.

The biggest thing that you need to know, if you do manage to get away from your abuser know that it will not stop. Almost always, the abuser is determined to have you back under their control and that is when stalking begins. You will often find that person showing up where you happen to be, usually they have either followed you or they have someone giving them information about where you’re going or who you will be with. Always take someone you trust with you every place that you go. I know that this may be annoying or even inconvenient but, it will also likely save your life. If you have no one to go with you, put it off for another time or carry discreet pepper spray or a tazer.

There are various resources that can help you escape from this abusive endless cycle but, what you need to know for sure is that you will require counseling when you leave the abusive relationship and things will never be the same again. That’s bad news you say, yes, the good news is though, you won’t be being beaten every day any more. It’s impossible to say whether or not the person will follow you everywhere you go but what they will do is, they will do everything they can to convince you to either stay or return back with them. They may even say “I went to therapy” or “I’m on medication now”. I do believe that people can change, I don’t however believe that they can change so quickly and by you going back to them, you’re rekindling that excitement they had of controlling and abusing you. It’s never a good idea to return based on what they claim, or even return at all.