The (Last) weekend at home with Dementia/ALZ/Paranoia (sigh)... It is 'bittersweet'- I love my Mom as I know a lot of you all can relate- but.. I am WORN OUT. Mom has lived with me since 1990'.. yep thats 23 yrs.. I am 49. and I am not sure what life will be like without her here.. I have lots of anxiety about her leaving my care control- and trusting others.. It's so hard.. Yes,, the mind and loads of others say- you must care for yourself and your son, and your Mom will get the care she deserves.. I will be praying daily she will- Its a small facility- that only has Dementia/ALZ residents.. and they try and keep the similar stages together-- on seperate floors-- (1-2-3) Was trying to talk to her this morning a lttle-- using my psychology plan- Mom, I have a friend whos Mom needs a room mate in her senior apartment.. She is lonely.. and I think you two would have great friendship- :-) It was working...its only a moment by moment chat anyhow-- gone in a matter of minutes after that.. But she seemed coopertive to the idea.. Said we'd go meet her tomorrow- Anyhow, all afternoon she shadowed me terribly-- I couldnt even go to the bathroom or switch the laundry.. And when it was time to help son with yard work-- OMG the blinds needed to come down so the 'bad people' cant see inside. Pacing the house for hours-- these behaviors are nothing new.. sadly its life here almost daily.. Im a single mom, Son has not social life, neither do I.. I enjoy leaving every morning to just get away and go to work.. :-) My Caregiver and Respite worker have hung in there.and been dependable.. Mom wants to 'leave and go back to her home' several times a day- almost everyday.-- ANYONE dealt with the transition to Assisted Living can give me some pointers? Sigh.. Dosent help I have a fairly bad case of Bronchitis and am sleep deprived.. - Was trying to do some gathering and packing in her room-- and she would shadow me..and I couldnt get anything done.. Tomorrow-my friend is taking her to church for me.. and then keeping her at her house for a few hrs afterwards for lunch and visit- and another friend is coming over to help me with muscle and organizing-- Thank You Jesus! I have to get thru this..

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ESO,, Shary, Thanks: Good ideas.. participating in an activity and facilitate chatting with others.. I met the roommate.. she was very sweet.. and the administrator said she was the 'kindest resident in the facility' ... So, will talk Mom into going to meet her tomorrow and visit.. Then.. yes.. good idea to get her out of the house on Move day ... mabe an appointment would be good.. She can go see her Chiro.. with my caregiver. and my other friend and I can load up the car and take a load over.. less she sees the better. The least little thing upsets her. Yes.. she does seem very lonely for socialization.. and Im hoping she will enjoy activities.... it will be different for her as she chose to be a loner, recluse.. mainly reads in her chair- not many visitors... never held on to friendships that lasted... and yes.. Shary I know a little about abuse...my Mom was verbally and some physical abusive in my young years.. she was and has been a very unhappy woman inside...but puts on a good face for the outside.. me and my brother bore the brundt of that unhappiness.. It has been very hard these past 2-3 years in the rapid decline- to give her mercy- and love as a daughter/mother close relationship-- but we have never been close-- due to those memories.. I have forgiven multiple times in my life... to move out any hinderences to love fully- but my memories keep me at arms length.. Its something that is sad to me.. because she acts like nothing happened even long before the ALZ.. I think that is the underlying issue with me. Never taking responsibility.. I will never get that now.. either. I have to look beyond all that and remember the positive.. like her teaching me to love Jesus and have a relationship with him.. It took me years to come to him on my own.as an adult. but the seeds she planted finally produced fruit in my life .. God is the ultimate healer! He is in this move presently before me, as well as in all the past behind me..God works everything to 'good' to those who love him.. Both Mom and I love him.. so,, I trust., I pray Blessings and Strength for both of you (Peace) to our Parents afflicted with this terrible DZ.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I am not a 24/7 caregiver,however, I am primarily caring my mother who is mentally incapacitated due to Alzheimer's. I am married and work too.My mom can no longer live alone. I can bring her here to live with me for reasons that are very detailed and unless you understand abuse, it is not within my ability to explain. Anyway, I and my sibs are moving mom into assisted living on the 20th. I am slowly introducing the idea that she needs to go there because I need respite care. It is temporary (not). I am very attached to my mother and very protective of her, however, logically I can not continue to run back and forth between her house and mine. The community we have chosen will provide my mother with an escort to and from activities and dining and will be a buddy to help acclimate her. She can have her dog with her. She will have a one bedroom unit with a kitchenette, microwave and refrigerator. Her unit is private. They will provide reminders for her to walk her dog, she will participate in the memory care unit activities. I will still be very involved in her care, advocating as necessary, visiting her, taking her out shopping, to dr. appts. and out to lunch. I want my time with my mother to build on good memories that I don't have from childhood. I am taking mom out shopping on the day of the move while my nephews hubby, and sis get her furniture moved. Then we will all meet for lunch and take mom together to the community. It has been a heartbreaking decision but I can't continue doing what I have been doing because I am exhausted, have not time for hubby and house and the stress regarding her safety, eating properly has just wore me down. Over all I feel really good about this decision and I admit I am going to have some separation anxiety issues and as her daughter, we all feel we can only provide the best care. I don't know about your mother, but I know for a fact that my craves socialization with people her own age. Of course she enjoys my company, is combative,etc. I see this as the best choice because she will be catered to, have companionship with her peers and she will still have me and sis. I pray that it is an easy transition for you and your mother. Hugs to you!!

The first few months will be tough. My dad moved into AL on Christmas Eve. He was anxious to go home, very worried about his house and truck. I would visit him every day, if only for a few minutes. Then I started a routine of stopping by his AL apt after work and we would walk together for 30 minutes. I also went with him to Bingo and happy hour. Going with him in the beginning helped him to feel comfortable in an unfamiliar place. We visited with other residents and he started making friends. I gradually tapered my visits off to 2 or 3 short visits a week. He is now involved with so many activities that I had a difficult time scheduling a dental appointment for him that did not conflict with the events he did not want to miss.

He still have sad days, but rarely talks about his house or going home. Of course he does still talk about his truck, but he does it with a bit of sarcastic humor.

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