05 August 2014

The Fixer

Like most girls, life has brought me many types of boys.

---- holy hell this is a post about boys ----

Ok ok people, don't get too excited. It is only Tuesday, after all.

So, like I was saying.... life has brought me many types of boys. When they dropped the L bomb, I believed it because it was true, they did love me in the manner they knew how; maybe in the way their parents loved one another, or in the way they were loved by those around them. They loved me in the way they were raised to believe the meaning of the word.

Any kind of love you're receiving from someone is good as long as you're receiving it, right? Who cares about anything else as long as you're hearing those three little words every girl wishes for? Feeling love must equate to being in love.

But how many times in the past have I loved someone just because they vocalized their love for me early on? What do I want out of a relationship? What will make me love a man as much as he loves me? *cough* cowboys season tickets *cough*. I am finally stopping to think about that. Hey it only took me 27 years to stop and think about this, not bad, huh? Better 27 than 57!

Well I now know what I want. I want a fixer.

I want someone who is going to work with me to fix my problems, our problems. I want someone who is going to fix the toilet when it won't stop running. I want someone who is going to fix the dent I made in the wall when I was trying to DIY something, even though we all know I am physically incapable of DIYing anything. I want someone who is going to fix things around the house for me, but more importantly, someone who will be patient when it was my fault for messing it up in the first place. Becuase, Sarah Webb + Wine. That is all.

I want someone to fix the tears falling from my face after having a bad day. Not someone who impatiently critiques where I went wrong. Not someone who pinpoints the reason for my failures and barks 12 suggestions I should immediately go do to solve the problem. I'm smart. I work hard. I'll figure out a way to make amends to whatever I've screwed up at work or in my day-to-day. The fixer that I want knows I'm smart. He knows that I am fully capable of actually fixing the day's problems. He believes in me, and has full confidence that I'll solve the problem on my own, but knows his job is to fix my tears in ways that are not so black and white. My fixer makes dinner reservations, because he knows lean cuisines never dry tears from a bad day (especially because most of my Lean Cuisines in the freezer right now all require 3 minute mark stirring, ew), my fixer has the stubhub website readily available because there is nothing that makes me happier than having plans, any plans. My fixer has flowers in hand because what girl still has tears when her man shows up with Tuesday flowers, my fixer knows exactly what will make things better. For me.

I want someone who is going to fix my weaknesses. Someone who will fix my insecurities, making those insecurities a source of confidence instead. Oh, and most importantly, my fixer will not only let me, but want me to be his fixer too.

My past relationships? We will call them my non-fixers, and guess what? They'll be wonderful fixers to some new girl. They'll meet a woman they want to fix things for. They'll meet a woman, and immediately know exactly how to fix every problem she has. Their new girl will want 12 suggestions she can use immediately to solve her day's problems. Their new girl will then love that he wants to stay in with her, and not face the crowds at the local restaurants and bars. And that woman will be so happy and grateful and passionately in love, because she found her fixer.

And somewhere, very close by, another girl's non-fixer, is actually just waiting, excited to be my fixer. And with that said, *insert giant grinning emoji face* here.

31 comments
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I love how you described this. It's beautiful and elegantly written, we all need a fixer in life. And we all need different kinds of fixers. I've been together with my perfect fixer for 10 years already, and have come to see that the way he fixes me, would not suit other people. We're a match. I wish everyone finds their own match :-)

love this post and how you worded it! and I love the change of scenery from you (post-wise)! not that I don't love your other posts, but this one is awesome :) I hope you find your fixer sooner than later

I love how you put this. At first I was thinking oh no! You don't need to change someone!! But someone that you guys can work through together, someone that makes YOU better because they believe in you really is everything. I don't like being told (at all) what I need to work on but when it's done in a helpful way (even if I balk at it at first) it really changes me for the good. PS photo cred!!! Love that pic of you :)

Omg! This is fabulous! I almost wanted to start crying while reading this! I've always thought of "a fixer" as a bad thing (because when someone calls a woman "a fixer", they usually mean it in a bad way). I have never seen someone so eloquently put into words exactly what I want in a man, but you just did! Thank you for posting this!

This is such a sweet post, especially the part about your non-fixers being someone else's fixers. That is such a beautiful way of looking at it! Thanks for giving me a new perspective! Hopefully we both find our fixers soon!

what a great post :) I definitely have a fixer and it has its pros and cons. because us girls, we like to vent and sometimes we dont want a solution, we just want to vent. he wants to fix all the things and i'm just like shut up and listen. lol. but other than that he fixes all the household stuff and my tears and my head when its all messed up, which unfortunately, is more often than not ;) i hope you find your sir fix a lot :)

Awesome post. For YEARS I pushed away the fixers, hell bent that I didn't need anyone's help. Instead, I found all the guys that needed fixing... Which, in my opinion, never ends well. I finally got over myself and landed me a fixer, and while he makes me crazy some days, I'm so, so thankful for him.

And, is that a LUCERO koozie?! I knew you were awesome, but that solidifies it.

Such a great post. I came to the same realization as you little later in my life but it made such a difference. Letting my husband fix me has made such a difference in my life. Enjoy the search it will help you know with even more certainty that you found yours.

I really enjoyed this and I'm glad you've taken time to think about the things you want! I remember doing this a few years back after a couple nasty relationships. I don't remember if I referred to it before I started dating again, BUT I did make a point to think things through before taking the plunge this time.

Good luck finding your fixer (if you manage to get one who knows to fix your sadness rather than fix the "problems" that made you upset, that'll be a huge rarity so hold on tight)!!!

I love this post so much. I think it says a lot about you as a person to be able to sit down and think about what you want in a partner and not settle for anything less. Here's to finding the right fixer for you!

That's exactly what I found and exactly how I felt without ever verbalizing it. Fixing life together- that's what it's all about. My mom and dad (adorable) have been together 46 years after knowing each other 7 months before marriage. They are truly each other's fixers. I waited 34 years to find mine (on match.com).