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I’m sure this is a one off return to blogging. Don’t know why I stopped, I just did, and the longer I hadn’t blogged, the harder it became to set off again.

BUT, today is a special day, my baby, he who shall always be my baby, is 12 today. Don’t know how that came around so fast. All is well, happy as a clam he is with his new DSi, not expecting much conversation out of him for the foreseeable future, and he said if I give him 300 yen, when he’s 13, he will not exhibit any raging hormone behaviour, Deal done. Money on the table.

His birthday and a latent urge to blog again makes me share this story with you.

Recently young Jim mentioned to me that when he talks he has too much spit in his mouth. His S sounds come out as sh sounds. Always have done. Have in the past taken him for speech therapy but they said he would grow out of it. He hasn’t.

Anyhoo, he is talking about it, so I said, ‘are you worried? Do you want to go to the kotoba kyoushitsu and get some exercises that will improve it?’

He says ‘no’.

I said, ” it’s the shape of your mouth, remember I told you, when you were born, your mouth wasn’t formed properly, and that’s why you had the operation, and that’s why you were so ill as a baby’

‘I was ill as a baby?’

‘ Yes, I told you before, when you were just 2 weeks old, you were very sick, your organs were shutting down.’

“why?’

“because you couldn’t get enough milk to drink”

” Couldn’t get enough milk?’

” that’s right, you couldn’t get enough milk, and I didn’t know, and you got really ill’

” why didn’t I have enough milk? WERE YOU WORKING?”

That’s right honey, I’m the kind of mother that leaves a newborn at home with no milk.

Many, many moons ago,some of them full, some new, some crescent, a friend came to stay and she was doing something and Doris helped her and my friend said,
‘You can be my assistant.’
Well Doris didn’t catch it all and ran around saying she was ‘ Liza’s ass”
or ‘Liza’s arse’ as I would say.
Oh how we laughed, we’ve re-chuckled it many times over the years.

Then today we were in the car and I had a lot of picking up of people and things and dropping off etc to do on Doris’ behalf and she said,
‘you’re my arse now’.
I laughed and then said, do you know what arse really means.
She said, of course I do, I’m not a kid, it’s your bum.
So I said, I just wondered, I thought you might not know it cos it’s not a word I use very often.
She said , how d’you mean you don’t use it very often.
I said, I just don’t really say it.
She said what about, ‘shift your arse we’re going to be late.’
Oh yeah, I may say that once in a while.
or ‘get your arse in gear.’
maybe occasionally,
then Jim said, ‘ and what about arsehole and arsewipe, do they count?’
No one is talking to you Jim, haven’t you go a DS you could be playing with.
What about when you think someone’s making stuff up and you say ‘my arse’?
I wonder what other words I don’t often use…..

It’s been one of those nights when I know others must envy my life. On Friday night, folks start drifting home on the
brink of starvation around 5 pm. First round of feeding begins at half past 5, Doris has cram school from 6. Drop her off, come back in time to cajole Jim into his tae kwon dou gear.
‘Do I have to go?’
“Yes.”
“How long do I have to go for?”
“Until you’re 44, now hurry up”

Drop him off, come back and Kev is ready for a second feeding.
He goes off for a maths lesson because 11% was what we labelled “not great” drop him off at 8.

Back to the ranch, clean up kitchen, no Grey’s Anatomy, damn!
Watched Modern Family, go out at 8.45 to pick Jim up.
Get there and he tells me, he is walking home with his friend who came for a trial lesson. Thanks mate.

Go to pick up Kev, wait outside for 25 minutes which means he hasn’t finished his worksheet. Get repeated urgent texts from Sunshine begging for chocolate.
Stop off at 7-11 for chocolate.
Get in at 9.50.
Dole out chocolate, get into argument with Jim about why I won’t make him a bowl of pasta now.
10.20 go out for Doris.
Wait outside cram school for 15 minutes because clearly the teacher has no home to go to.
On way home up dark, rainy mountain road, spot dead cat.
Doris wants to investigate, turn around go back, it isn’t a cat it’s a dead racoon in the middle of the road.
“It’s dead”
“I saw it move”
“It’s dead”
“Let me check.”

“It’s dead, let’s go to the police box and tell them”

Go back down, go to police box, tell them. Doris gets a jones on for chocolate and ‘jyagariko’. Go back to 7-11.
Get home, it’s 10.50.
Jim still whinging for pasta and asking why no one ever feeds him.
We have a conversation we’ve had before where he says he is starving and needs pasta and I say there is a pot of yakisoba there and he says he doesn’t want yakisoba and I say he can’t be all that hungry then…..it’s frigging Groundhog Day.
I suppose this is what passes for an exciting Friday evening now.

If you choose to stay tuned I can probably bore you rigid with the whole cram school/high school entrance exam/bleed me dry/pointlessness theme I’m so fond of.

After a week of no internet access ( and yet I survived !) I have a quickie, unthought-out update on the visit to to the motherland which has turned into the most phenomenal personal
journey into the past and back into the fold.
My dear friend and infrequent commenter here, Withering, drove myself and Jim all the way to Scotland via Scarborough,
where Jim and I attended an awesome wedding, a wedding pulled off with such class,wit,and intimacy, there were tears in the house
and not just mine.
After an epic 3 days, where we were all clutched tightly and warmly into the bosom of my family
we had a very Thelma and Louise trip back from Scotland, driving over hills, with an awesome sky above and the beautiful wind turbines
surrounding us.
More to follow on journeying to the past and clearing hurdles.

I have a lot of people to thank for all the ferrying about, the overnight stays, the warm welcomes, the bowls of tomato soup
prepared, the twiglets stocked in the cupboard, the wine chilling, and the love, loads of loads of love extended to us.

Must try to close the suitcases again and board the bus…..
We are at the lovely Withering’s house now, and will shortly leave the North, who knows when I’ll be back, but it has been
a fantastic trip thus far.
Further musings may come from my trippings south.

by the way anyone who has not already read Louis Vs Rick at Tumblr, please, go there now, do not pass go do not collect the 200,it is the funniest thing ever.( and you’ll get the title of this)

So, I’m off tomorrow, in the early hours. I have been uncharacteristically stressed out all day, I do not know why. At one point I had to resort to cammomile tea.
Jim’s passport has not arrived but he does have a J. passport so it’s not like he can’t travel.
The day started off well with a call from my dear pal who told me about her Vipassna experience, focus on the breathing, that helped. I did.
I had to cut the call short because the DHL guy was at the door. Sadly it was not the passport, it was the old passport. I”ve skipped the bit where I called the passport helpline and they could not even hear my question without a credit card number.
I leapt to the door, sadly it was just the old passport coming home to roost.
I decided to go for a shave. I’ve blogged before about the lady shave, where they shape your eyebrows, massage your shoulders etc.
Sadly it was the one female member of staff’s day off. I didn’t care, a guy is fine, I’m not sexist and I’m not ageist either but he was pretty old with the shakes. So stress level not helped by man with shakes looming over me with cut-throat razor.
Focus on the breathing.
He put the chair way back down and did his stuff, and his massage was GOOD, he didn’t spend too much time on the octopus sucky cup thing, but when he went to put up the chair, instead of saying I’m going to put it up now,and slowly pumping it , he sort of stamped on it, and I nearly shot into the mirror. I had a touch of vertigo and was a bit dizzy, they aren’t real big on humour in the barber shop sub-culture there, so they just sort of said ‘oh you are dizzy’, I said, I walked with my arms outstretched towards the till.
Get home, pack, charge batteries, locate DS software, find new contact lenses, write down phone numbers, track passport. It has left Hong Kong, YAY.
Eventually it makes it to Kansai airport, but by 9pm has not been delivered, therefore will not be tonight. So I called DHL to ask if I could pick it up at the very same airport in the early a.m. but no I cannot, he said, you haven’t sent the correct invoice with the package, I said, I haven’t sent shit, I didn’t send it, I am the receiver, the recipient as it were. He said, well there is an invoice missing so it can’t clear customs please contact the sender. I said well that would be The Foreign Office.
He said, well quite, please contact them. Aaagh!! Again not essential but if it doesn’t come it has been a colossal waste of time and money
( 130 pound to date).
Deep breaths, leaving in 6 hours. Will see rolling green fields of Yorkshire, will be welcomed into bosom of family, will kiss old friends, will see my fabulous Feet and Sleuth, will raise glasses, will buy clothes, will eat Heinz tomato soup every.single.day.
So long, farewell, auf weidersehen……

Does anyone know why there is a video embedded at the end of the last post.
In the words of my kids, ‘ it’s not mine’, ‘I didn’t do it’, ‘It wasn’t me’.
It appeared overnight. Is this some new fandangled advertising thing that you get when you use free blog hosts?