On December 6, 1989, fourteen women who were students at École Polytechnique in Montreal were murdered because they were women. In the days following the Montreal Massacre, vigils were held across Canada to remember the victims and to raise awareness of violence against women. In Charlottetown a crowd of women and men attended the vigil in front of the provincial government buildings. We stood together in solidarity in the frigid December night, our tears mingling with the wax dripping from the candles we held in our numb fingers.

In the immediate aftermath of the Montreal Massacre, we felt a tide of change. We believed that the time had come to collectively find the way to eliminate violence against women.

Every year since 1989 the PEI Advisory Council on the Status of Women has led a Purple Ribbon Campaign against Violence Against Women, beginning on November 25th. The campaign culminates with a Memorial Service on December 6th to remember the 14 women killed in the Montreal Massacre and the now 10 women on PEI who have been murdered by men since 1989. This year the theme for the Purple Ribbon Campaign is “Don’t stand by. Stand with. Everyone has a part to play in preventing violence against women.”

“Standing with” the women who have experienced gender-based violence means listening to them, believing them, and acting to assist them in getting the help they need. “Standing with” means that we discourage the misogyny that manifests itself through sexist jokes and derogatory language demeaning to women. “Standing with” may mean safely intervening if we witness or suspect acts of violence.

During the past year sexual violence against women has dominated the news headlines. Almost every day we learn about new accusations from women of sexual assault or sexual harassment or both by men. Most of the reports in the headlines are about political leaders, celebrities, movie moguls, comedians, news reporters, and other privileged and powerful men. Many of the men being accused have multiple victims who are now coming forward to name the perpetrators, often after decades of silence.

Recently, women were encouraged to “stand with” other women in solidarity by heading their messages with #metoo on Facebook, Twitter, or other social media to indicate that they, too, had been sexually assaulted or harassed by men in their lives. Within a few days, an astounding number of women and some men began their social media messages with #metoo. Some women described the incidents of sexual assault or harrassment they had experienced; others simply wrote #metoo.

The voices of all these women speaking the truth about sexual harassment and assault again feels like a moment of change, but it is only part of the answer. For real change to occur, we need to remember that everyone has a part to play in preventing violence against women. Men, it is time for you to speak out loudly against gender violence and to work together to eliminate the misogyny and sexism that are the root of that violence. Boys have to learn from their male role models that there is no place for the “boy talk” that demeans and objectifies women. In PEI, the group ManUp has been formed by men to “stand with” Island women in the protest against violence against women. We applaud this and all efforts to prevent and eliminate violence.

Everyone has a part to play in preventing violence against women. Wear a purple ribbon during the Purple Ribbon Campaign. Listen, believe survivors, speak out against misogyny and violence against women. Act and be the change.

Mari Basiletti is the Chairperson of the PEI Advisory Council on the Status of Women.

Don’t stand by. Stand with. Everyone has a part to play in preventing violence against women.

The Purple Ribbon Campaign Against Violence (Campagne du ruban violet contre la violence) was initiated by the PEI Advisory Council on the Status of Women in 1991 to remember the 14 women who were murdered at L’École Polytechnique in Montreal on December 6, 1989, and to raise awareness about violence against women.

Don’t stand by. Stand with. Everyone has a part to play in preventing violence against women. What does it mean to “stand with” people who experience violence? When we think of “bystanders” to violence we often think of witnesses, standing on the sidelines doing nothing. But what if everyone who witnessed bullying, abuse, or violence acted and intervened in some way to make a positive difference? Taking action when we see signs of violence is standing with the people who experience violence. Even small actions can make a difference. A small action could even save a life. With every action to help, together, we can build a community ready to take a stand against violence.

Six steps to taking action when we see signs of abuse or violence1. Notice that something is happening2. Recognizesigns of abuse or violence in what is happening3. Take responsibility for providing help4. Assess safety: the victim’s, the aggressor’s, yours, and others’ nearby5. Decide how to help in a way that keeps us and the people around us safe6. Take action to help

(Click image to view it larger)

Memorial Services for Victims of Violence

December 6 is the National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence Against Women. On and around December 6, candle-lighting services remember 14 young Women who in 1989 were murdered because they were women in what became known as the Montreal Massacre.

We remember ten women since 1989 murdered on Prince Edward Island by men who knew them. Join others in your community to light a candle of remembrance, to remember, to reflect, and to act so these murders end.

First mourn, then work for change
We remember 198928 Years Since the Montreal Massacre

Multilingual Poster

Don’t stand by. Stand with. Everyone has a part to play in ending violence against women.

This year’s multilingual 11×17” poster highlights the Purple Ribbon Campaign theme, “Don’t Stand By. Stand With. Everyone has a part to play in preventing violence against women” in English, French, Mi’kmaq, Arabic, Farsi, Mandarin, Nepali, Korean, and Spanish. These represent the founding and most commonly spoken languages of our province. Thanks to JoDee Samuelson for adapting the bookmark image. Posters are available by request, or at http://www.gov.pe.ca/acsw. Download printable multilingual poster.

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Bystander Infographic

(Click infographic to view larger)
English

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French

Artwork: “Seeds” by Mari Basiletti. This work was commissioned by and hangs in the waiting room of the PEI Rape and Sexual Assault Centre, Charlottetown.

Pinning Bee – Thursday, November 9, 2017

It’s the season of purple! Our 2017-18 Campaign theme focuses on the power of bystanders: Don’t stand by. Stand with. Everyone has a part to play in ending violence against women.

Be a part of the solution by speaking up and taking action when you see violence occurring or have concerns that someone may be harmed. Be a part of the solution by wearing a purple ribbon to show your support for women and girls and your commitment to ending gender-based violence. Be a part of the solution by joining others to pin ribbons which will be distributed to schools, community groups and individuals across PEI.

The annual pinning bee will be held Thursday, November 9, 2017 at 6:30 – 8:00pm at the Confederation Centre Public Library, 145 Richmond Street, Charlottetown.

Believe Survivors

La version française suit

December 6, 2016

December has arrived – the time of year when we see the traditional red and green decorations everywhere in our communities. These are happy symbols of the festive holiday season now upon us. We also see people wearing small purple ribbons above their hearts on their winter coats – a sad symbol in remembrance of the fact of gender violence on Prince Edward Island.

The PEI Advisory Council on the Status of Women launched the 2016 Purple Ribbon Campaign Against Violence on November 25th, the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women. The Campaign culminates in our Memorial Service on December 6th, the 27th anniversary of the Montreal Massacre. On that date we remember the 14 women who were murdered at the École Polytechnique in 1989 because they were women. Sadly, at our Annual Memorial Service we also remember the 10 women who have been murdered on PEI since 1989.

The statistics from Women in PEI 2015 show that in 2014-2015 women made up 85% of the victims of abuse cases, and 92% of the victims of sexual assault cases referred to Victim Services. Women have consistently made up at least 94% of the recipients of Emergency Protection Orders under PEI’s Victims of Family Violence Act. These statistics tell us that we need to continue our Purple Ribbon Campaign, and we need to increase our collective efforts to address the problem of male violence against women.

This year the theme of the Purple Ribbon Campaign is Believe Survivors. A survivor can be defined as “a person who carries on in spite of hardships or trauma.” There are many people in our society who have survived many hardships, including war and hunger, or hatred, isolation, and discrimination. Some Indigenous people in Canada have survived residential schools and their legacy; across Canada all Indigenous people have survived the historic trauma of policies and decisions that deny their worldview and that hurt them as a group. Some people have survived gender violence, family violence, sexual violence, emotional or psychological violence, or physical violence.

When someone who has survived trauma tells us about their ordeal, we need to listen to their story and we need to believe them. We do not need to doubt and question, we do not need to find proof. By listening and believing, we provide a safe place for them to share their traumatic memories. By listening and believing, we can reduce the sense of isolation the survivor may feel.

In Canada only a very low number of cases of violence against women are reported to police, and there are low rates of prosecution and conviction of the numbers that are reported. There is much that needs to be done to improve the response of our justice system to survivors of violence. But first we need to listen, and believe survivors.

The public is invited to attend the Memorial Service for Victims of Violence on Tuesday, December 6th, from 12:00 noon to 1 PM, in Memorial Hall, Confederation Centre of the Arts (venue sponsor) in Charlottetown.

Mari Basiletti, Chairperson
PEI Advisory Council on the Status of Women

Believe survivors.

The Purple Ribbon Campaign Against Violence (Campagne du ruban violet contre la violence) was initiated by the PEI Advisory Council on the Status of Women in 1991 to remember the 14 women who were murdered at L’École Polytechnique in Montreal in December 1989, and to raise awareness about violence against women.

December 6 is the National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence Against Women. We remember fourteen young women who in 1989 were murdered because they were women in what became known as the Montreal Massacre. We remember ten women since 1989 murdered on Prince Edward Island by men who knew them. Join others in your community to light a candle of remembrance, to remember, to reflect, and to act so these murders end.

Believe survivors.

ThePurple Ribbon Campaign Against Violence (Campagne du ruban violet contre la violence) was initiated by the PEI Advisory Council on the Status of Women in 1991 to remember the 14 women who were murdered at L’École Polytechnique in Montreal on December 6, 1989, and to raise awareness about violence against women.

The purple ribbons and bookmarks are ready for distribution to communities, individuals and groups across PEI. This year, the image on our 2016 multilingual poster has been created by our very own Chairperson of the Council, Mari Basiletti, with technical assistance from her partner JoDee Samuelson. Together with the beautiful lettering and fonts of 9 languages, the message to believe those who have been harmed is simple and powerful. The Teachers Guide resources linked to the provincial curriculums for instructors and students will be ready for public use by mid-November. Contact the Status of Women if you’d like posters, purple ribbons, tattoos or any of the Teachers Guides materials: 902-368-4510 or info@peistatusofwomen.ca

We appreciate the nine Council members who currently represent Island women on the Advisory Council on the Status of Women. We are very pleased with the breadth of experience and skills brought by the women of our Council. Each one brings her particular perspective to the table, as well as that of her geographic community and her communities of choice. Each one is a strong individual – together they are a force of intellect, compassion and commitment that is remarkable.

We continue to appreciate our mutual, respectful relationship with the Aboriginal Women’s Association of PEI, whose members include all Island Indigenous women. We continue to learn about the realities of living as an Aboriginal woman in PEI, and strive to find meaningful ways to reconcile our shared history as settlers in Canada. We struggle as a nation to believe the survivors of residential schools and their children and grandchildren. The historic trauma of Canadian history has only begun to be addressed and repaired with the announcement of a national inquiry.

We give a shout out to Cheryl Tanton, Health and Physical Education Specialist for the provincial Department of Education. Cheryl has offered encouragement, advice and enthusiasm in collaborating on the Teachers Guide resources. We could not develop such engaging and useful materials for teachers and students without her input. Thank you Cheryl.

We also want to acknowledge the men of ManUp who have taken the initiative to support women working to end gender violence. They are taking responsibility for changing male behavior by actively addressing and discouraging male violence. The engagement and education of men and boys is critical for real change to be achieved. We are proud to work alongside you men.

Candles will be lit in commemoration of the 14 women who were murdered in Montreal in 1989 and the 10 Island women who have died at the hands of violent men since that year. Speakers and performers will share their perspectives on the theme of believing survivors. Believing sexual assault victims, believing Indigenous peoples in Canada who suffered cultural genocide, believing those violated and displaced by war around the globe, believing women who endure and minimize the daily experience of gender-based violence. We mourn women’s lives that have ended by violence. We listen, we believe, and we act to end violence against women and girls everywhere.

Join our lunchtime Purple Ribbon Pinning Bee, on Thursday, November 17, at 12:00pm at the Murphy’s Community Centre, 200 Richmond Street in Charlottetown. Meet our current Council women and help pin ribbons to bookmarks for distribution across PEI in November. Everyone Welcome.

On Friday, November 25, 2016, the PEI Advisory Council on the Status of Women will host a screening of Harmony Wagner’s film “Singing to Myself” at The Guild on 111 Queen Street. November 25 marks the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women and is also the launch of the Advisory Council’s Purple Ribbon Campaign, an annual effort to draw attention to gender violence on PEI.
Time:
4:00pm to 6:00pm
(Note: A Social hosted by PEI ManUp will follow immediately afterwards)Location:
The Guild, 111 Queen Street, Charlottetown, PEIThe Advisory Council is very pleased to support the work of Harmony Wagner, a talented local director and writer whose work is garnering increased respect and appreciation. Her film grapples with the sexual assault of a young deaf woman who decides to renounce the world, but whose plans are disrupted by the friendship of a precocious musician. Sophie MacLean plays Iris, the young deaf woman yearning to connect; Bryde MacLean plays Celeste, the musician who disrupts Iris’ life in complex and profound ways. It has been described by the Atlantic Film Festival as “an intimate gaze into the complexity and ease of female friendship.” The film contains some swearing and deals with mature subject matter, viewer discretion is advised. https://vimeo.com/182189212Before the film is shown, Status of Women Minister Paula Biggar will make remarks. Harmony Wagner will also be on hand to say a few words about her film and about being a filmmaker. Following the film screening, the men of PEI ManUp welcome attendees to walk in solidarity from The Guild to the Murphy Community Centre, 200 Richmond Street, for a social time at The Alley. All are very welcome to attend.Tickets for the film are available through The Guild Box office for $13 (including fees). Call 902-620-3333, toll free 1-866-774-0717, or purchase tickets online:http://www.theguildpei.com/box-office/Vimeo trailer: https://vimeo.com/182189212

Artwork: “Seeds” by Mari Basiletti. This work was commissioned by
and hangs in the waiting room of the PEI Rape and Sexual Assault Centre, Charlottetown.

Multilingual Poster

Believe survivors.

Artwork: This year, the image on our 2016 multilingual poster has been created by our very own Chairperson of the Council, Mari Basiletti, with technical assistance from her partner JoDee Samuelson. Together with the beautiful lettering and fonts of 9 languages, the message to believe those who have been harmed is simple and powerful.Translation | Traduction : Service de traduction du gouvernement de l’Î.-P.-É. (French), Thirly Levi (Mi’kmaq), Farahnaz Rezaei (Arabic & Farsi), Alex Yin (Mandarin Chinese), Krishna K. Thakur (Nepali), Steve Hwang (Korean), and Rocio McCallum (Spanish). Download printable multilingual poster.

Thank you to the 2016 contributors to the Purple Ribbon Campaign for generous assistance. This list will be updated weekly, as contributors are confirmed:

Federated Women’s Institutes of PEI

Quilting B & More

Premier Wade MacLauchlan’s Office

City of Charlottetown

Confederation Centre of the Arts – Venue Sponsor

Premier’s Action Committee on Family Violence Prevention (PAC)

Aboriginal Women’s Association

Cheryl Tanton, Health/Physical Education Curriculum Specialist

PEI Association for Newcomers translators

Mari Basiletti, poster artwork

Staff at Anderson House, Family Violence Prevention Services (FVPS)

Members of the public who attended the Pinning Bee

PEI ManUp

Karen, Pat, Kate, and Dan for their tremendous help with our Purple Ribbon mailout

Excel Accounting Services Inc.- mailout sponsor

Megan Kelland, UPEI volunteer

Interministerial Women’s Secretariat – Memorial Service flowers

David Morrison, pianist

Kinley Dowling, performer

Dylan Menzie, guitarist

Dima Mreesh, guest speaker

Judy Clark, Mi’kmaq opening

Eliza Starchild Knockwood, honour song

Dawn Wilson

Amanda Beazley

Pam MacKinnon, UPSE Silent Witnesses

Advisory Council members

and more than two dozen candlelighters who participated in the Memorial Service

Dr. Colleen MacQuarrie is a past Chairperson of the PEI Advisory Council on the Status of Women. She was chair of the Council from 1992 to 1993. Colleen is a mother, a partner, a researcher, and a tireless advocate. She has worked for the Government of PEI in health and social services and now teaches in the Department of Psychology at the University of Prince Edward Island, where her research and teaching are always engaged with the community, embedded in participatory approaches, and focused on social justice. We are grateful that she is willing to examine complex and controversial topics, including women’s reproductive health. Colleen is a fierce advocate for consent and has worked alongside survivors of sexual assault and abuse. We were honoured to hear her comments at the Montreal Massacre Memorial Service.

The theme for the 2013 Purple Ribbon Campaign Against Violence is consent: “ASK. Sex without consent is a crime.” At the December 6, 2013, Montreal Massacre Memorial Service in Charlottetown, Colleen gave a speech about consent.

Good afternoon everyone. Thank you to the Advisory Council on the Status of Women and the many individuals and organizations who contributed to today’s action.

“First Mourn Then Work for Change”, this is the creed of every December 6. Each year, we gather as a community to commemorate this atrocity and to remind ourselves that the struggle to end violence over women is continual. Each year we renew our efforts to change the systems and structures that support and perpetuate woman abuse. We do this for ourselves and earnestly for our children and our grandchildren.

We have a bold vision. We envision a world where woman abuse is eradicated. Eradication means we root out the ways violence is upheld in abuses of power which are asserting power over another to control and to manipulate their lives. Power is not a thing to be eradicated but rather it is a central aspect of how humans interact. “Power Over” behaviours must be replaced by “Power With” behaviours. So let us embrace our power to transform our world. This year in keeping with the theme of consent, I want us to embark on a journey of embracing the ethical and the radical politics of consent.

How might we use our power for transformation in radical consent? First imagine that each of us has a space around our bodies where we are safe and no one may enter without invitation. Invitation is the operative word here. Next imagine that everyone else has their own safe space. Radical consent means we ask to be invited into their space and we honour with grace their needs. How does this become a bold vision and a system changer?

We can start with our children. The politics of radical consent sets the tone for how we interact with them and how we expect our children to honour their own personal space. For example, something I have witnessed repeatedly is children are asked to ‘give someone a hug – or a kiss- good bye.’ If the child shies away they may be admonished to comply. This teaches them to ignore their own interests and feelings. The politics of radical consent requires us to never coerce children to demonstrate affection. Pay attention. The next time you offer to hug a favorite small person and they show reluctance, practice ethical consent. Smile and gracefully give space to the next generation’s empowerment and change the world while you do so. Think of all the ways you can create ethical empowered interactions with children and model with them this bold vision for our future.

Now, I want you to journey with me to an adult space of radical consent and ethical empowered erotics. Moving the ethics of radical consent to adult power sharing, you may think it becomes more difficult in sexual encounters. In fact rape culture, encourages us to think it is more difficult. Part of rape culture is a pattern that makes excuses for rape. It is a culture in which the victim is blamed for his or her own assault because they “got drunk”, “should have known better”, or “didn’t say ‘no’ clearly enough”. It is a culture in which consent is thought to be a tricky thing, and in which people complain of mixed messages. This understanding of consent is not going to change the system. It only serves to reinforce problematic cultural norms. It also denies that there is a big difference between a reluctant agreement and an enthusiastic invitation. It denies the mutuality of intimacy.

Today I want to share a radical yet simple system changing idea, a bold vision. I am asking us to embark on a journey into the ethical erotics of consent where we are lovers who seek the bounds of our own desires in communion with other ethical eroticists. This is a politics that moves us beyond the staid “No means No” mantra of consent. It moves us to an ‘Only Yes means Yes’ erotic awareness. The yes, is a moment of invitation. The intimate space just before touch where the other is fully seen; the awe of a breath that asks for an invitation, may I kiss you, may I kiss you here? This is a dance of awareness with the other. You and your partner(s) in an intimate tango of asking and seeking permissions that deepens the experience because you not only wanted to, you also directed the action. You are a desiring subject in your own erotic encounter. Knowing that you are both doing exactly what you want, the way you want it. This is a mood enhancer, a game changer, and this is a bold vision.

Ethical empowered erotics links care of the self with care of the other in a mutual intimacy. For either to be missing or limited tips the balance from shared pleasure to dangerous sex either physically or emotionally. This then would be unethical, disempowering, and anti-erotic. Ethical empowered erotics is also about learning how to accept a refusal or withdrawal gracefully at any moment in your intimate tango.

I will leave you with The ABCs of Ethical Empowered Erotics:

A-Always ask for what you want,
B-Before any action, and always practice
C- Continual and constant consent through invitation.

If we practice the ABCs of Ethical Empowered Erotics with our adult lovers and practice the ethics of radical consent in all our relationships, especially with our children, then we are the game changers and this is our bold vision for eradicating violence. Thank you.