Is The Man You're Dating Actually A Corporation?

The man you're dating is perfect for you, but something is wrong. He always presents himself well. He is hardworking. Even though money doesn't matter to you, he's super rich. He also can seem kind of distant and cold and you suspect that this relationship might mean more to you than it does to him. Do you get the feeling that the man you're dating is actually a corporation? Here's how to tell:

Q: When you and your man met, did he offer you a contract for your relationship?

A: Yes, a contract detailing the do's and don'ts of a relationship may seem like real-life Fifty Shades of Grey to you, but careful, your man might be a corporation. Yes, your man may have drawn up this contract because he wants to satisfy your BDSM fantasies. Or he may have written them up because otherwise he would not be recognized as having the same rights as natural persons in the eyes of U.S. Government. Don't let yourself get played.

Q: When you call your man, does he pick up or is your call directed to a customer service department?

A: If your man picks up and you speak with him, then breathe easy, your man is a man. But if you call him on a Friday night and you get directed to a customer service department, you need to wake up and see that you are dating a corporation! If he is serious about this relationship, he will want to see you on a Friday night. If he is a man, he won't have a customer service department!

Q: After sex, does your man stay in bed with you, or is he not in the bed with you because your man doesn't have a human body?

A: Whether or not your man stays in bed with you isn't going to be as informative for this situation as if he has a human body or not. Does your man have a human body? If yes, then he is a human man. If no, then you are dating a corporation. And also if no, what did you just do in that bed by yourself that you feel like you just had sex? Your man might as also be a corporation if when he has sex with you, he is actually a group of a lot of men. If he has no body or too many bodies, he is a corporation. If he has just one body, then you're good.

Q: It's time to ask him, "Are you a corporation or a man?"

A: If he says he is a man, and you can see a man in the room, then he is a man. If he pleads the fifth, then he is also a man because corporations are not allowed to plead the fifth as it is a right only applicable on an individual basis. If he says that he is a "taxpayer," he might still be a corporation and you need to check and see if you can see a man in the room.

Q: If he is a corporation, can you still date him?

A: You deserve to be with a real man. Don't accept any substitutes. Although, you seemed to enjoy whatever that sex thing was you were doing by yourself earlier, so I guess love is love and do what makes you happy.