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From: ar153@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Bonnie Holmyard)
Subject: INCOMING DOS TEXT
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Sender: news@freenet.carleton.ca (Usenet News Admin)
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Date: Fri, 23 Sep 1994 15:49:09 GMT
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Copyright 1992 by Bonnie Holmyard
The Qualm Before the Storm
by
Bonnie Holmyard
Lieutenant Commander
USS Excalibur, NCC 2004
for
John de Lancie
Without whom Q would not be Q
and
Mon Commodore...
"One prequel, as ordered, sir.
And sir, the stars ARE ours!"
FRONTIERS OF ANY TYPE, PHYSICAL OR MENTAL, ARE BUT A CHALLENGE TO
OUR BREED. NOTHING CAN STOP THE QUESTING OF MEN - NOT EVEN MAN. IF
WE WILL IT, NOT ONLY THE WONDERS OF SPACE BUT the VERY stars are
ours!
*****
In the moonlight the water looked perfectly black, the foam
perfectly white. Holmyard sat on the rocky ledge she had sat upon
countless times before, watched the snow-white froth that leapt
against the rocks below, and gave herself over to the scene.
The wind roared in her ears, joining the song of the surf and
bringing to her a sense of solitude she'd desperately needed.
Somehow the holodeck never produced the right roaring wind, this
wind that buffeted her now and blotted out all other sensations.
And sounds. She was getting calmer and calmer and more and more
agitated at the same time. Excitement competed with serenity, as it
always did when she first returned. It was a battle she'd yearned
to experience all those long months in space and now, now she was
here and, the battle was hers.
Invariably her eyes sought the stars. They twinkled in the
millions, correction... in the billions, seeming to dance in the
heavens and frolic with the waves on the far off horizon. This was
the vista of the stars she most appreciated. Not the streak seen
when in warp, nor the perpetual beam of starlight without the aid
of an atmospheric melody to make them dance. She wanted the stars
to always dance, and sparkle, as if alive and dancing just for her.
Simultaneously she shivered and smiled. It was not a shiver
brought on by the cold. California did not get cold. It was a
shiver of absolution, a smile of satisfaction. She was home, in her
paradise, away from the bombardment of the emotions of others, away
from rules and regulations. Lieutenant Bonnie Holmyard had dis-
appeared the instant she'd taken the uniform off, and she'd done
that the moment she'd arrived. Here Starfleet didn't exist. Here
she wore blue jeans and loose-fitting sweatshirts. Here she was
simply Bonnie... Bonnie with the sea and the stars.
For how long she so sat - enthraled with the panorama of her
surroundings - she didn't know, didn't care, when suddenly she
sensed a presence. Her Betazoid half took over, instinctively
searching. Who? What? Where?
She could neither see nor pinpoint the presence but there was
no denying its proximity, nor the rapture it projected.
'Welcome to my paradise,' she mentally propelled the greeting
and the sentiment.
'No one ever told me it was so breath-taking!'
The response came instantly, from where? again she could not
tell, but, 'Yes,' she agreed, 'it IS breath-taking!'
Her eyes were drawn to the waves that crashed upon the rocks
beyond the sandy shore, as if the ocean were furiously claiming
this section of coastline, which, of course, it was.
'Pity,' the voice exclaimed, and now the communicator was
nearer. She sensed it, as if... her head twirled left and there he
sat, right next to her!
"How?" she asked but at the same instant he spoke, and the
sound of his voice was even more beguiling than the music of his
telepathy. And his eyes were hynotic.
"Hush," he said, "and behold."
And she did behold... his splendour. So assured, so poised, so
enraptured by the majesty of their surroundings. She too felt its
pull, and despite her craving this very image for months on end,
just the sight of the wind whipping wildly at his hair, the
enchantment his whole being projected, was enough to hold her
spellbound.
'Who ARE you?' she thought.
He looked at her and smiled. "And this is 'your' paradise?" he
said, his hand reaching for her face. "What an exquisite creature
you must be."
His hand made contact, with her cheek, his touch staggering.
The vista of the heavens and earth seemed to suddenly swallow her
whole. It was as if she'd become one with the wind, the surf, the
sound, the stars, and him. She heard laughter, laughter filled with
nothing but unrestrained joy, and although his lips didn't move -
except toward hers - she knew it was 'his' laughter she
experienced.
And then his lips made contact; lightly caressing her lips,
moving onward to her cheeks, her chin, her forehead; each touch the
perfect consummation of desire; and when they finally returned to
her lips and stayed there, she thought herself ready, but she was
not. Cascades of ecstasy poured over her, rushing with the fury of
the waves that surrounded them, yet as calm as the foam that
stroked the beach.
'So exquisite.'
His telepathic message tingled through her soul as his lips
left hers. She opened her eyes to his hypnotic gaze, felt his hand
capture hers and suddenly they were on the beach, the water
streaking over the smooth hard-packed sand, lapping at their bare
feet, the stars now seeming to dance ecstatically, the wind singing
its approval.
She thought nothing of the miracle of their transfer. She
cared only that they were together, walking in silence, his arm
around her waist. And, she paid no attention to where he led her,
content only to be at his side.
'Always?' he questioned.
'Forever,' she answered and he smiled, a smile that made her
melt inside.
*****
Holmyard awoke the next morning to wonder if it had all been
a dream. Had she really walked the beach for hours on end, up and
down, back and forth, with a stranger?! Had she really melted in
his embrace? Had his kisses truly made the stars collide in her
mind? Had she lost 'all' her senses?! What was wrong with her?! Why
would she so easily fall into the arms of a stranger?! Had she
really done so? She believed it true, and yet she didn't even know
his name! Didn't know if she would ever see him again! Why did the
thought that she wouldn't bring to her spirit such a panic? She was
not one for entering romantic relationships without qualms. She had
her career, had wanted nothing more.
'Had'?!
When had that changed? At dawn, that's when, when she'd found
herself again sitting on her rocky ledge, and alone. He'd
disappeared as mysteriously as he'd appeared, and she knew nothing
more about him, nothing but the certainty she'd die if she didn't
see him again.
'Die'!
Snap out of it girl!
He's just a man!
But 'what' a man!
*****
Hot! The California sun was as hot as she remembered. Holmyard
smiled contentedly as she stretched out on her blanket. Clad only
in a bikini - as far from regulation wear as she dared - she
enjoyed the California sun as much as she had enjoyed its starry
night sky. Two weeks... NO! now thirteen days before she had to
return to active duty, and no matter in what direction her heart
would pull her, she was determined to do all that she'd planned to
do on this leave, which amounted to nothing, nothing but glorifying
in the splendours of this stretch of land and water.
'Private property' the signs proclaimed on both ends of the
beach and the road-front boundary line, though she could see none
of them from where she lay. This tract of land had been in her
mother's family for centuries untold. All the over-protected years
of her youth, Holmyard had spent here, much to the delight of
whichever private tutor she'd been condemned to endure for the
year. Being an unexplained empath 'did' have its privileges.
She'd always hated San Francisco, birthplace or no. But here,
here she felt freedom, even when sitting in the cottage cramming
for some upcoming examination. Not that she'd ever forget the
torment she'd suffered when invited to attend the Vulcan Academy of
Sciences. Her mother needn't have reminded her of the honour of
such a request. She knew. But, it was the thought of leaving this
haven of tranquillity that made her hesitate.
Of course, she had gone. She'd needed the Vulcan disciplines
and thanked the stars for all she'd learned there, but when she
returned to Earth, it was to this sanctuary she'd hurried. And, it
was from here she'd attended Starfleet Academy. And it was to here
she rushed whenever...
"You are Starfleet!"
Holmyard's eyes flew open. It was HIM, but his eyes, his eyes
were now clouded with loathing.
"I... I..." she stuttered.
"Lieutenant Bonnie Holmyard," he continued with severity,
"service number AZ523-2871, current assignment USS Excel!" He was
stomping back and forth in front of her, kicking up the sand, eyes
flashing, nostrils flaring. "Conn officer, first class, command
training!" He stopped suddenly to glare at her. "Do you deny these
charges?"
"Charges?! You make it sound like a criminal record!"
He snorted, disdainfully, and Holmyard's defences went on Red
Alert. She was on her feet in an instant.
"Just 'who' do you think you are!" she shouted.
"I am Q," he retorted as if it meant something.
"So?" she said and inconceivably he was laughing.
She sensed the sincerity of his amusement, as well as the
instant loss of his anger, and something else... relief?... she
couldn't tell, because at the same moment his hand found her cheek
and his touch seemed to alter reality.
Again there was only him... and the pounding of the surf...
and the heat of the sun... and the heat of 'his' passion... the
heat of 'her' passion... 'their' passion! And when his lips
captured hers the desire that had coursed through her being the
night before once again took control.
It wasn't until he released her - how much time had passed
Holmyard could not fathom? It could have been seconds. It seemed an
eternity - before reality returned. Staggeringly. She grasped
tightly to what sanity it offered. "WHAT are you?" she somehow
managed to ask.
His smile did not falter as he responded but reality did,
literally. The beach, the surf and the sun were suddenly gone! They
now sat on her blanket, but it and they were engulfed in an empty
black void! No sound, no light, no reference! The only illumination
seemed to emanate from Q as he said, "How does one describe the
nondescript?"
Holmyard only half heard. Her right hand was inching
tentatively toward the blanket's edge. There was nothing beyond, or
beneath!
"I don't like this," she instantly said.
"Nothing will harm you while you are with me," Q said and she
stared at him, a part of her wanting to believe while another part
tried to understand what was happening, and failed.
As if sensing her discomfort he asked, "What would you like?"
No hesitation. "I want to be back where I belong."
"You belong with me," he answered, his hand once again
reaching to stroke her face.
She drew back, instinctively, and Q's eyes took a definite
insolent slant. The haughtiness he suddenly projected only
reinforced what she saw in his eyes.
"I want to be back on my property NOW," she stated defiantly
and they were back. The onslaught of light and sound was
overpowering. Holmyard fought for control. "How'd you do that?"
"My powers extend beyond your mortal comprehension," he said
as he stretched out on the blanket.
"My mortal compre... What species are you?"
"I am Q, and you promised to be with me forever."
"I did no such..." but she had, last night, when he'd first
appeared to her. It seemed she relived the moment: the ecstasy of
his touch, the security of his presence, the peace that had
embraced her. And she HAD said she'd be content to be with him
forever. How could she help but say so! Never had she felt so right
with the universe.
"So what's changed?" he asked. "Can you deny your attraction
to me?" He paused, granting her time to answer. Then, as if to
augment the emotions she was recalling, "I did nothing to compel
that attraction."
"How can I know 'that' to be true, considering what you've
shown me of your powers."
"I have shown you nothing but can share with you much. Don't
deny me just because you don't understand me."
And the stark and empty loneliness he was now projecting
touched her deeply, as did his words. He 'was' a loving caring
person, no matter what species he was, no matter what powers he
controlled, and she 'did' care for him, more than she was willing
to admit.
"I recently learned of Earth's existence," Q said, obviously
lost in the memory, "and came seeking San Francisco because it was
the most prominent location in the minds of those I'd encountered."
She sensed the truth of his words as she watched, mesmerized by the
sheer fullness of his lips, the music of his voice. "Like you, they
were Starfleet, but they spurned me." Again came his emanations of
isolation, coupled with the added pain of rejection. "They wanted
nothing to do with me, because of who I am, what I am." Now his
pride entered his reminiscence. "So I came to Earth, to San
Francisco, to see if all Humans were as insensitive as those I'd
found in space." Q halted his recollection to stare profoundly into
her eyes. "I found you, and your paradise. You did not reject me
then. Why do you now?"
His sense of longing was now overpowering. For all his great
powers he was just an innocent, wanting nothing more than love and
companionship. Who was she to deny him what he wanted and what she
wanted to give? Now it was she who reached to stroke his face.
"I don't reject you, Q," she murmured as she bent to kiss him
and the joy he projected at her acceptance made her want to weep.
*****
"You're leaving me."
"I must."
"You return to them."
"Q, I've told you repeatedly, I do NOT reject you."
He pouted. They had spent the past thirteen days and nights
together, constantly. He'd revealed little of his origins but had
consistently astounded her with his powers, powers he'd used to
keep them both cloaked in an eternal bliss. And his infatuation;
with her every gesture, her every spoken word; was NOT to be
denied. She felt and knew of his love and loved him in return. Why
could he not accept she must return to duty, that such a return did
not, WOULD not interfere with her feelings for him?
"Stay with me, Bonnie," he pleaded as he reached for her hand,
"please." At his touch the power of his presence swept over her,
but her intimacy with its potency gave her the strength to fight
it.
"They would only come looking for me if I didn't return," she
began again. How many times had they been over this since awaking
this morning. She wanted to leave him like she wanted a phaser shot
in the face, and he knew it.
"Let them look! I can take you where they cannot find us,
where they do not exist."
"I am 'they' Q, but that doesn't stop me from loving you."
"They'll stop you."
Holmyard shook her head, sadly. "Have you no faith in me and
my love?"
"They'll poison your mind and your heart to me, Bonnie."
He was like one who had never before experienced the
adversities of love. Could that be possible? Even she, who had been
so devoted to her career, had dabbled in love before, yet compared
to him, she felt like a connoisseur. "Why do you repeatedly say
that?"
Now it was he who shook his head, disheartened. The emotions
he projected were staggering: want fought aversion, fear fought
conviction, pride fought love. She could make no sense of the
chaos. "I will lose you," he uttered dejectedly.
She knelt in front of him, took both his hands in her own and
stared into his omniscient eyes. "You will never lose me, Q. I love
you. That will never change."
"If I were to say that, it would be the truth," he retorted,
his anger surging to the surface. Just as quickly it abated. "And
I DO say it." Love poured from him, irrefutable love, for her. "I
love you, Bonnie, and I don't want you to leave me!"
"Q," she sighed in exasperation. What was the use? She stood
and lightly tapped the Starfleet insignia that shone on her chest.
"Holmyard to Starfleet Command."
From two hundred kilometres to the north the response came
loud and clear. "Starfleet Command."
'Please don't go!' he pleaded.
She smiled at him, a smile filled with compassion and
experience. 'You'll see,' she projected in return while saying,
"Lieutenant Holmyard returning to duty."
"Stand by."
"I'll love you always, Q," she said as the transporter reached
for her.
'Call for me and I'll be there.' His message went with her.
*****
"Was your holiday all that you hoped, Holmyard?"
"Can't complain, sir."
"Nothing undue to report?"
"Nothing whatsoever."
The commander smiled and checked the computer terminal in
front of him. "Excel won't be in spacedock until thirteen hundred
hours," he reported what he read. Then his violet eyes met hers.
"Do you want to transport over now or later?"
"Later," Holmyard decided, wishing she'd thought to check for
the ship's arrival time ahead of schedule. She could have shared
these next five hours with Q. She could still go back. Five hours
'was' five hours. But would Q still be there?
"See you then," the commander acknowledged and turned back to
the terminal to key in her response.
A terminal! That was just what she needed, a private terminal!
The layout of Starfleet Headquarters flashed through her mind. Two
flights up and she'd find any number of private terminals. Fifteen
minutes later she was seated in front of such a terminal with
direct access to Starfleet's wondrous computer banks. She stared at
the highlighted request prompt and her answer:
SUBJECT: Q
Should she enter the request? Did she really want to know what
Starfleet had on file on the man who had captured her heart? Why
hadn't he told her? She'd asked him enough times. Could it really
be so terrible? Would it truly cause her to reject him as he so
strenuously asserted it would? She did not believe it possible,
but, there was only one way to learn. She pressed the ENTER key and
waited. The response took longer than she anticipated and was
definitely not what she expected:
YOU ARE ORDERED TO REMAIN
AT THIS TERMINAL AND AWAIT THE
ARRIVAL OF STARFLEET SECURITY.
Holmyard stared at the screen now totally perplexed. What had
Q done to warrant this?! It couldn't be that bad. He hadn't been
incarcerated? Or had he? How could anyone cage Q?!
"Lieutenant Holmyard?"
She swivelled the chair to face the two security guards. "That
is correct."
"Please come with us."
*****
The Commander Starfleet! Holmyard could hardly believe she sat
in front of 'THE' admiral in charge of Starfleet! Let alone that he
was demanding what information she had on the Q Continuum!
"I know nothing of a Q Continuum, Admiral. I know only of a
being calling himself Q."
"Same difference," Admiral Blasberg asserted. "Allow me to
brief you as to what we know of Q." He pushed a button on his desk
and the screen behind him came to life. First there blazed the seal
of the United Federation of Planets, then Starfleet's emblem. And
as Blasberg typed whatever into his terminal there came a demand
for retina scan identification.
Holmyard felt her apprehension grow. Retina scans meant
business. There 'had' to be some mistake! She was just about to say
so again when the unemotional voice of a ship's computer filled the
room.
"Computer Log, Stardate 41150.7, USS Enterprise, NCC 1701-D,
Captain Jean-Luc Picard commanding."
The flagship, Holmyard thought, as the image of its celebrated
captain filled the screen. And as she listened to Picard recount
his ship's, and Starfleet's, first encounter with the Q Continuum
she felt her blood run cold, then hot, and then boil. But when
Enterprise's internal cameras began to substantiate what Picard had
recounted, she wanted to scream. IT WAS Q! HER Q! No matter how he
chose to dress himself, he was HER Q!
'They'll poison your mind and your heart to me, Bonnie.'
POISON! Poison did in no way convey the malignancy that
attacked her poor defensive system. How could he...?!
"Now, Lieutenant," Admiral Blasberg said as the screen behind
him faded to blackness, "what can you tell me about the Q
Continuum?"
QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ!!!!! she mentally screamed, but despite his
assurance that all she need do is call, Q did not answer.
*****
Holmyard opened her eyes to darkness, and disorientation. No,
not complete darkness. She 'could' see. She lay on a diagnostic bed
and its controls shed a faint light on her surroundings, as did the
forcefield at the room's only door.
Wait a minute! She pushed herself up on her elbows.
Forcefield?! What?! The landslide of memories began.
"You leave me no choice," the Commander-in-Chief stated
resignedly. Gone was his anger, his frustration and his patience.
"I hereby invoke Starfleet Regulation XIX.08.17." Blasberg became
like one in an unemotional automotive mode. "Sub-article 10 states:
A Starfleet officer is responsible under the Laws and Mandates of
the United Federation of Planets, its member planets and agents,
including Starfleet, and is subject to internal discipline and/or
prosecution by internal and/or external authorities for any
violation of said Laws and Mandates.
"Sub-article 05: Starfleet officers shall do all in their
power to protect the security of the UFP, its member planets and
agents, including Starfleet, providing such action does not
conflict with General Order One.
"Sub-article 13: As long as they wear the uniform of
Starfleet, an officer shall not provide aid or information to, nor
otherwise assist or consort with, the enemies of the UFP, or any
group of beings recognized as potentially dangerous to the security
of the UFP, its member planets or agents, including Starfleet.
"Sub-article 16: An officer may be tried and sentenced by a
Court Martial Board, composed of no less than three officers of
Command Grade, for crimes committed in violation of Starfleet
General Orders or UFP Laws and Mandates. In the event an officer is
so charged, they are entitled to legal council and representation
at any and all hearings by a representative of the Judge Advocate
General's office.
"Notwithstanding the above quoted regulations, under Sub-
section 15, an officer may be relieved of duty at any time if found
to be medically or psychologically unfit by a ship's Chief Medical
Officer or by a Competency Review Board, composed of not less than
two officers of Command Grade.
"Lieutenant Bonnie Holmyard, you are summarily relieved of
duty under Sub-section 15, psychological clause, for being in
violation of Sub-sections 5, 10 and 13. Your rights have been
clearly stated under Sub-section 16 and will be considered in
effect as of this Stardate, 41607.1."
"Nooooo," she moaned.
With a blinding flash of light Q stood before her, his face
flushed with excitement. "You told them nothing!" he crowed
triumphantly. "Despite what they told you, what they showed you,
you told them nothing! You 'do' love me!"
Holmyard stared at him, feeling his excitement and fighting
the automatic rise of her own. Too much, it was all too much! Every
nerve of her being was pulled taut and her emotions were tearing
along that tautness totally undirected. She needed time; time to
coherently ponder all that had happened to her since she first fell
into Q's arms; time to shake the shock that had shrouded her since
meeting with Admiral Blasberg; time to come to terms which what
she'd learned, not to mention her segregated reaction to that
knowledge; time she was not to be granted. "Why didn't you tell
me?" she demanded.
Now he was sitting at her side, his hand holding hers, his
face reflecting the battle of his emotions. And she felt first the
mesmerizing power of his touch and then the assault of his
emotions: the consumption of his yearning, the arrogance of his
ego, the depth of his dependency, the aversion of his superiority,
and, his total disregard of all for love. And then there were her
own emotions: her contempt for him, her love for him, her contempt
for herself...
"I was selfish," Q answered frankly. "I 'AM' selfish. You gave
me love, something I had never experienced before, and you gave it
unconditionally, through no control of mine. I didn't want to see
it die."
His confession, for there was no other word to describe Q's
declaration, took her by surprise. She was veritably stunned. This
from the entity she'd thought she knew, intimately, but had been
forced to see in all his indifferent splendour. Still, she could
not deny the part of her that exulted in the fact such a being as
he felt such devotion for her.
"Yes," he breathed, "yes! You consume me..."
Without warning the forcefield disengaged. Two security guards
charged in, phasers drawn and firing. Q absorbed the phaser fire as
if it were harmless. One glance and the guards popped out of
existence. A shimmering net of energy - the same interlocking grid
she'd seen Q use on Enterprise's tapes - unfolded across the
doorway and reinforced in her mind like nothing had before, he
'WAS' the Q Continuum!
"...as much as I consume you!" he went on as if nothing had
happened, but his face wore the callousness of his actions, his
smile smug as he stared at the results of his handiwork. He was
like two people, one capable of the deepest love, the other
insensitive to all but his wants. His omniscient eyes met hers.
"Let us be gone from this place!"
"No!"
"No?! You deny me?!"
"I deny it all!" she asserted firmly. She pulled her hand from
his, freeing herself from the provocativeness of his touch, and
jumped off the bed. Struggling to overcome the pain of her
heartache, she somehow held his gaze unflinchingly. "We can never
be together, Q, can't you see that?"
"Why? You've proven your loyalty to me. Now I will share with
you the powers of Q. We can be together, forever, like you said."
"No!" she repeated. From the corner of her eye she saw more
security guards appear outside the grid, phasers drawn and ready
for discharge. "You must leave," she said with a calmness she did
not truly feel, "without me."
Q's head swirled toward the door. "They cannot hurt me," he
sneered, but his eyes were filled with pain when they flashed back
to hers, "but you can. You do! Stop it!"
He was inculpably revealing his dependency, on her, and the
impact of his fixation sent her emotions, which she'd been trying
so hard to control, into freefall. He loved her and she... she
loved him! Who was she to deny their love the right to exist, to
thrive? But he was Q! He cared for no one but himself. Untrue! He
loved her! Undeniable! But because of him her life was in chaos.
She was considered psychologically unfit, had been relieved of
duty, was facing court martial procedures! Maybe she 'should' flee
with him.
Her thoughts were breaking up and disintegrating as fast as
they came, each washing her soul with profound emotions, but she
also felt the unfettered riot of his emotions. They lashed at her,
unforgivingly: the coldness of his fury, the intolerance of his
supremacy, the pain of his heartache, his rejection of that pain,
and, its infinite resilience. Then, as if suddenly realizing she
was aware of his inner conflict, Q went blank.
Holmyard sensed nothing, nothing but her own disharmony, yet
as overpowering as it was, it seemed to pale compared to the
temerity of his gaze. He had become imperturbable, now projecting
only uncontested superiority.
"No," he said coldly. "You will NOT reject me. I will NOT
allow it. You will accept the truth. I can see into your soul,
Bonnie, and you care nothing for what I've done to others. My
actions against them are as meaningless as their actions against
me, as meaningless as their actions against you. All that matters
is your love for me. I will NOT let you take it away."
She could not deny what he said yet fought to deny it. She
loved him, yes, but his love was corrupting. "I will probably love
you forever," she heard herself murmur, then realized what she'd
said. Her voice became strong. "But that doesn't mean I like you,
Q. I despi..."
"NO!" he roared. "Don't say it!"
But she did. "I despise you, Q."
"NO!" he roared again and this time his voice became a power
onto itself, the unleashed power of his mind. The walls of the room
literally shook with that power. The transparent aluminium cover of
the diagnostic panel imploded. Tiny shards showered around them as
the bed he'd been sitting on - he now sat on nothing, suspended in
mid-air - went flying across the room to bang against one wall,
ricochet to another, before dancing obscenely across the floor. And
through it all he glared at her. She could not escape his scrutiny.
For the first time Holmyard felt fear and that's when a
blanket of detachment fell over her. Mental shields fell into
place. Logic entered the chaos of her consciousness. She had long
ago disciplined her mind to intuitively apply the Vulcan principles
when too strong an emotion threatened to overpower her
sensibilities. Why it hadn't unfolded before this she didn't know
and now was not the time for such reflection. Destruction
surrounded her. Cracks were appearing in the ceiling, running in
jagged lines to the walls, which split asunder at the force of Q's
fury. And through those fractures she heard one ear-shattering
explosion after another, compounded by the blaring of one klaxon
after another, and the shrieks of pain.
Do NOT focus on it, she silently commanded herself. Think
logically. Destruction surrounded her but did not touch her. Why?
Because... because he could not bear to destroy that which he
loved. Was that the counsel of logic or her ego speaking? Logic,
she decided. Now she must ignore the pandemonium of feelings the
thought brought to life and let logic reign. If his love for her
was his weakness, how could she use it against him? What tactic
would best work? Or, was that the most logical approach?
"Stop it, Q!" she shouted, but if he heard he paid no
attention. He was out of control. He no longer hovered in a sitting
position. Now he stood upright but his feet did not touch the
floor, which a part of her noted, revealed the same stress the
ceiling and walls displayed. She took a step toward him and with a
clap of thunder a crevice opened at her feet, separating them.
"Stop it!" she shouted, "and listen to me!" Q's eyes flashed to
hers. "Let us be gone from this place."
The destruction halted. "You will be with me?"
"We need to talk."
"You seek only to escape my wrath!"
"Your wrath I accept," she said, "this destruction, I do not.
You've made your point."
"Being?"
"You do not have the experience to handle emotional crisis."
She didn't need Betazoid abilities to sense his reaction. He was
furious. Before he could explode further, or she consider further,
Holmyard jumped the chasm and landed directly in front of him.
There was one Vulcan discipline she, an outworlder, had mastered
that would speak far better than words. Her hand reached for his
face.
"You are Q" she spoke the words verbally and mentally as her
fingers made precise contact. She hoped against hope the
disciplines would shield her mind as she entered the wonders of
his.
"Q is peerless." His ego rushed to agree with her. "What use
does Q have for Human emotions!" Agreement, suspicion. "Q is above
such imperfection." Consummate agreement. "Q is content to know a
lowly Human loves him. Yes, NO! "I love you, Q. I will love you
forever." Mental reinforcement, truthfully given, honestly
accepted. The meld strengthened. "My love will be with you always."
Triumph. "You will never be without its power." Leeriness. "Do not
fight it. Allow it to fortify you." Qualms. "Q will be stronger
because of my love."
Her hand was jerked from his face. "What trick is this?"
"No trick," Holmyard answered, projecting innocence while
inwardly she hoped against hope the suggestions she had planted
would take root. "I simply share with you my love."
"You were inside my mind!"
"I will be with you forever."
"No!"
"I thought that's what you wanted."
Q paused in his ranting. His eyes slid to slits of suspicion.
Before he could speak, she went on, her voice calm, rational,
reasonable.
"It's love that you want, Q, not me? I have given you that
which you want. It will be with you forever. I cannot. You must
accept that and leave me."
Again his face revealed the battle of his emotions, and she
sensed them, felt them, shared them, but forced herself to ignore
the bond she had just forged. Forced herself to ignore the all-
powerful love she knew he felt for her. Forced herself on.
"As love inspires emotions of joys, so too does it induce
pain," she spoke truthfully. "The pain that now cuts at your heart,
cuts also at mine, but you are Q. You are strong enough to overcome
such pain and prosper from its joy."
"You DO love me." He was pouting again.
"Forever."
"Still, you want me to leave you."
"Forever."
"This pain, it will fade?"
"In time."
"Time! I can crush time, squeeze it into the obsolete, stretch
a second to last an eternity!"
"Then you face no problem."
"And you?"
"I am not Q. I will bear my pain until time eases its hold."
Again Q became reflective. Holmyard took advantage of the
moment to again look toward the door. The guards still stood
looking inward, still held their phasers ready, and behind them now
stood Admiral Blasberg. Could he see and hear what transpired
inside?
"Would you have me erase all memory of my presence from your
mind?" Q asked suddenly.
"No!" she answered just as quickly. "I want always to remember
you, and our love. It will never die." This she would not hide.
Q smiled. "And what about what 'they' have in store for you?"
"I want nothing to change, Q," she said as she again reached
for his face. This time she merely stroked the smoothness of his
cheek and relished the rush of desire just touching him brought to
her. It was a desire she would never forget and never feel again.
"Except maybe this destruction," she added and before she'd even
finished the statement all evidence of his temper tantrum had
vanished. She stretched up to kiss him but he too was gone before
contact was made.
Holmyard shuddered, felt the tears sting her eyes, the ache of
their inseparable bond, and the two strong arms that closed round
her. She was turned, to stare into the face of the admiral, who
simply pulled her close and offered her his silent comfort.
*****
Holmyard sat before a joint Court Martial and Competency
Review Board once again fighting off shock. She had relived all the
bliss, consternation and pain of her encounter with Q when she'd
openly related the incident to the board's members. The intensity
of that recollection was all but unbearable. The ache of the bond
she now and would forever share with Q was unexpressable, and added
to it was the realization that no matter what judgment was passed
upon her today, her life would never be the same again.
Her paradise, her haven of tranquillity, was gone. The one
place on Earth where she'd ever felt peace and equanimity had been
taken from her. Not literally, the tract of land would always
remain in her family, but there was no way she could ever return to
its sanctity. It was there she had found her bondmate, the only
being she had ever truly loved. Both were now gone from her,
forever, and what that separation meant she was only now coming to
understand. The emptiness that racked her soul at Q's absence
proved everything else to be as meaningless as he'd stated such
things could be. She was hardly aware of the fact that she could be
dishonourably discharged from Starfleet, or the possibility she
could be incarcerated for her actions. Every fiber of her being
called out for Q.
"This assembly has reached its decision," the Commander
Starfleet announced.
Commander Mangione's hand fall on her arm and Holmyard turned
to face her representative from the Judge Advocate General's
office. He started to rise to his feet and she reflexively followed
suit. Wearily, she faced the five Command Grade officers who
comprised the dual board.
"Lieutenant Bonnie Holmyard," Admiral Blasberg intoned, "you
exhibited great naivete in your unquestionable acceptance of the
entity known as the Q Continuum, but considering who, or rather
'what' you were dealing with, that naivete is understandable.
However, when informed of past transgressions and the known danger
the Q Continuum poses to the security of the United Federation of
Planets, you remained silent as to your knowledge of this being. By
so doing you violated Starfleet Regulation XIX.08.17, Sub-sections
05, 10 and 13.
"However, due to your psychological state at the time, and
again considering the power of the entity in question, your actions
are regarded as those outside your control. This decision was
substantiated when you were given this opportunity to respond to
the charges brought against you, wherein you explained fully your
encounter with the Q Continuum. Also taken into consideration was
the fact your actions caused the reversal of the considerable
damage sustained by Starfleet Headquarters at Q's appearance,
notwithstanding the debateable fact it was because of your
relationship with Q the damaged occurred in the first instance.
"Nonetheless, it is the ruling of this assembly that all
charges against you be withdrawn. However, to reinforce in your
mind your duty under Starfleet Regulation XIX.08.17, sub-section
05, one demerit will be attached to your service record. Do I
assume correctly in believing this demerit, the first to mar your
exemplary record to date, will impact sufficiently on your
awareness?"
Images of Q bombarded Holmyard's awareness; Q smiling, Q
fuming, Q pouting, Q loving; images that would be with her forever.
"Yes, sir," she responded.
"Then it is the decision of this Court Martial Board that you
be hereby reinstated to the rank of full lieutenant. Further, it is
the decision of this Competency Review Board that you be authorized
to return to active duty after counselling. But Lieutenant, both
boards strongly advise that you please be more careful when next
you fall in love."
THE END, OR NOT THE END
THAT IS THE QUESTION
Holmyard out.
Stardate -1/9201.13
--
"It's a question of intelligence so your opinion has very
little relevance." Q
ar153@Freenet.Carleton.CA (Bonnie Holmyard)