Date: Mon, 6 Jun 2011 12:58:40 -0700 (PDT)
From: Sammy
Subject: What Caucasians Have / Part 1
What Caucasians Have
Part 1
It was our last day of vacation in Hawaii, and we'd had a fantastic time.
We were staying at a gay guest house near a black sands nude beach in lush
tropical vegetation and were driving into town for a last romantic dinner
in our favorite restaurant serving a fusion of Chinese and local food. Tak
and I had been together for two years and things were really working well
for us.
A few minutes after we'd sat down, while our orders we being taken, I
noticed another gay couple from the guest house walk in. They'd just
arrived that morning and we'd made brief introductions but hadn't made much
of an effort to get acquainted.
"Tak and excuse me, I forgot your name," said one of them, "Mind if we join
you? I'm Frans and this is my partner Dieter."
Tak had a slightly pained look on his face but we graciously gestured for
them to pull up chairs.
After Frans and Dieter ordered it soon became clear that Frans was the
talker of the two. In fact it soon became clear that Frans was someone
that never shuts up. It's a wonder that people like him manage to get
through life without learning basic social skills. And I couldn't help
noticing that Dieter was a lot better looking than Frans and wondered what
on earth made their relationship work. Maybe Dieter just loves to listen.
There must be enough Dieters out there for the Franses to get by without
discovering what bores they are.
The usual topic of where we were all from came up. Frans informed us at
length about himself and Dieter, and when my turn finally came I opted for
a single word, "Chicago". Tak was happy to talk with some pride about his
native country Japan and the old capital of Kamakura where he grew up.
Frans listened for a whole minute then interrupted, "Oh Dieter has been to
Japan but he didn't like it. He calls it the land of the penny whistles."
I was sickened by the rudeness of this remark and the silly stereotyping,
but Tak smiled as if he genuinely found it amusing. One of the great
things about Tak is his cheerful character. He hardly ever gets offended or
upset by annoying people and situations.
"Did you really say that?" I asked Dieter. And just as you find there's
one designated speaker when two Jehovah's Witnesses come to the door, it
was Frans who answered.
"He met one or two exceptions. Flutes but not bassoons. It wouldn't matter
to me. If I would go to Japan I am sure I would have a very good time.
Yes, once those Japanese boys find out what Caucasian men have, they all
want to emigrate to Caucasia."
Frans seemed to be on a roll now with one crude joke following another. I
was surprised to see Tak spontaneously erupting in laughter. I didn't even
try to be polite, but wondered how to move the conversation to something
more edifying.
"Does he ever smile?" Frans asked Tak, obviously referring to me.
"We need to explain the joke to Sammy", Frans judged. "There is no place as
Caucasia."
"Well, yes there is," I informed him, "the region around the Caucasus
mountains."
"You Americans," Frans replied. "We all know geography isn't your strong
subject. Africa is not a country. Caucasia is not a country. Try to find
a Caucasian embassy if you want to emigrate there."
Now I was starting to get angry. "I never said Africa was a country."
"No, that was your darling Sarah, your future president."
"I didn't vote for her, and she'll never be president."
"Don't be so sure," Tak jumped in. And I was glad that he had. Actually,
it would be a relief if we could keep the topic on politics.
"You really think so?" I pressed, and mercifully, we stuck with politics,
movies, sexiest movie stars, favourite food and other chit chat for the
rest of the meal.
Taking a break in the bathroom just before we were leaving, it was a huge
relief to have two minutes of silence without having to contend with
Frans's annoying banter.
We said some polite good-byes and made our way to the car. On the way back,
I quizzed Tak about our experience with the strange couple. "Isn't it
amazing how those two could be together? Frans never lets Dieter get a word
in. How does he put up with it? And Dieter is so much better looking. I
wonder what he sees in Frans."
"Oh, I don't think Dieter is better looking. You're being too hard on
Frans. He's a great conversationalist. I'm sure Dieter appreciates that
about him."
"You call that conversation? He isn't interested in anyone else's views.
He just loves mouthing off."
"Oh come on. You were too serious. We were having fun, not expressing
views."
At this point I didn't want to get into an argument with Tak and spoil our
evening, so decided to put the episode behind me and agree. "Yes, I was too
serious, sweetheart. I'm having fun now. Just the two of us driving back
together." And I was looking forward to making out in our room on our final
evening.
When we got back to the room and opened a couple of beers, Tak came up with
the idea of taking them outside to the hot tub beside the pool. We'd used
it quite a bit during the day but never thought of hanging out there at
night. "It might be a bit chilly, honey, without the sun, and we won't be
able to see much."
"No, babe, they have lighting out there and the jacuzzi is heated. We never
tried it. It will be fun."
"Are you sure there are lights out there?"
"Yes."
"OK then, let's check it out."
(to be continued)
all comment welcome to sammyxviii@yahoo.com