Sharing Inspiring Self-Help Wisdom By Author, Marilyn Fowler

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Selfhelp

Dear Readers.We all experience miracles in our lives. Some people only see a small coincidence, but others see an amazing miracle and never forget. Today I was reminded of one of my miracles. And I’d like to share it with you.

Of Course

Sometimes our prayers are answered in unexpected ways. When this happens to me, my initial response is usually one of amazement. But within a short time, I respond with of course and a knowing smile of gratitude.

One such blessing occurred when I worked in Administration for a Mental Health Agency coordinating services in five nursing homes. As a Psychotherapist, I’d worked in various settings, but now my work had become unfulfilling, and I felt overwhelmed and disillusioned. I made a list to satisfy my work needs, but after a week of good intentions, nothing came of it. So when one of the Counselors could not come into work, I filled in for her myself and gathered information on new patients to complete our files.

It was late in the day when I entered Martha’s room, my last patient, before leaving the nursing home. Martha was eighty-one years old, a frail woman with white hair and hazy blue eyes. Her face held lines pinched with time as if she hadn’t smiled since she was young. She was oriented and alert, but in a highly agitated state when I approached her. She sat on the edge of her bed wringing her hands and swaying from side to side. She looked at me but didn’t acknowledge my presence.

I pulled a chair over beside her. “It’s all right, dear,” I said. “I just want to talk with you for a while.” She watched curiously as I held her small hands and quietly began to calm her while asking questions for my files. “What kind of work did you do? How far did you go in school?”

He body became still, and she continued watching me. But she had not spoken when she suddenly reared back and asked with serious eyes, “Did God send you?”

Her question startled me, but I considered the importance of this situation. “Well…maybe He did,” I answered and smiled.

“Well, I think He did,” she said with firm conviction.

At that moment I decided my files could be completed another time, and I became open and receptive to whatever God had in mind for us. Martha began to relax and spoke of times she spent with her children when they were small. Her hands stopped shaking and her face lit up with memories of swimming in the creek, John learning to read, and Billy chasing chickens around the yard. She was engrossed in her stories. And I listened.

In a while, her head nodded, and her breathing became shallow. I saw she was tired, so I suggested she lay back on her pillow. When she was comfortably settled, I moved closer and asked if she could imagine things in her head. She nodded. Then I asked, “Can you imagine yourself a little child cradled in God’s loving arms, feeling safe and at peace?”

“Yes, I can do that,” she answered, slowly closing her sleepy eyes.

I watched her face for a moment and saw her thin mouth broaden into a peaceful smile. “I have to go now,” I said. “But you rest and know that anytime you feel nervous and upset, you can just go insideand be with God, and He will comfort you.”

“Mmm hmm.” She squeezed my hand.

I left the room and felt my own peace as I stood in the hallway and glanced back at her. Now my work-needs list contained only one item. My answer was clear. I had to work with patients like Martha.Of course, I thought, and I felt a knowing smile of gratitude.

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Yes, miracles happen. Of course, they do. And sometimes they bring a smile. But is a miracle a happenstance? Is it a blessing from God? Is it angels knocking on your door? You interpret them in your own way as they make sense to you. But know when you experience one. And some miracles may even change your life.

“Human life runs its course in the metamorphosis between receiving and giving.” ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

If you’ve decided what you want in your life this year, hopefully, you trust that you’ll receive your desires. This approach raises your vibrational energy to attract the good you want. And once you raise this vibrational level, your good will come. It sounds great. But what if your desires don’t materialize, and you wonder why the process isn’t working?Desire and faith are necessary for the abundance process. But the Universal Law of giving and receiving requires balance in both giving and taking. And when we go against the very nature of this law we suffer. Takers lack close connection with others, while givers may feel discomfort in receiving. This lack of balance produces negative energy inhibiting ability to receive what the Universe is waiting to give.

“Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” ~Les Brown

Many people suffer from fear of receiving, and this fear limits their quality of life. And they unknowingly block their good. Their fear may run from mild discomfort to a sense of guilt, unworthiness, greed, all kinds of painful feelings. They sense a blockage inside but have no idea where it’s coming from. They’re unaware that reasons behind a blockage are childhood messages hidden in their subconscious. These messages lead to believing that giving is good, but receiving is selfish or shameful. These false beliefs remain with us all of our life unless we learn the truth about giving and receiving.
Our good comes to us in different ways from small gifts to life-changing situations. But when false beliefs remain in our subconscious and motivate our choices, we fail to receive much that could enrich our lives. We sometimes fail to receive gifts, because we think it’s wrong to accept from others. Or we fail to accept an important job because we believe we’re not capable. Or we miss an ocean cruise believing, “Nothing turns out right for me.” Those messages reduce our vibrational energy, and this affects our life.

As a child, I was taught that asking for or receiving something is selfish. I felt undeserving and spent much of my life with guilt in the pit of my stomach if expected to receive something. And much good eluded me because of my resistance to receiving. Later when my mother grew older and lived on social security, she taught me another lesson. Whenever she wanted to buy me even a small gift, I refused, feeling she couldn’t afford it. Then one time she cried and said, “Don’t you know when yourefuse to accept my gift, you take away my pleasure in giving?” She must have learned something since my childhood years. and I learned that when one gives and another receives, both are blessed.

“We are Divine enough to ask, and we are important enough to receive.” ~Wayne Dyer

The Universe hears what we believe and answers in kind. And negative or false beliefs interfere with Universal Law. So if what we want is to become a reality, we must be open and receptive to receiving our good. There are ways to overcome inner blockages, but it takes some practice.1. Begin by giving to yourself, even in small ways, and rejoice in your gifts to yourself. Learn to feel good about receiving.

2. Talk to your inner child, and teach him/her about the law of giving and receiving.

3. When appropriate, ask for and accept what you want, even if it feels uncomfortable.

4. Watch your thoughts and feelings when you’re offered something but feel you ‘should not’ accept. Talk to your feelings and confront that resistance. Affirm your right to receive.

5. Work on forgiving and releasing any old negative beliefs, attitudes, people, and experiences to make room for the new.

6. Learn to tolerate discomfort until it stops being a problem. And given time, it will.

Using the law of giving and receiving promotes physical, mental, and spiritual well-being, and weand the world are blessed. Give to and receive from others, and open your mind and heart to receiving what the Universe has for you. Enjoy the peace you feel from both. You are worthy.

Clutter in our outer world is tangible things with visual color and texture you can touch. But the inside stuff rolls around in your head and heart, and you carry it with you every day. You wake in the morning, and it beckons your attention. And if you’re an inside clutterer, you answer its call.

“If it can be solved, there’s no need to worry, and if it can’t be solved worry is of no use.” ~Dalai Lama

Like outer clutter, inner clutter occurs in different amounts and intensity. At best, you might experience occasional worry like rushing to catch a bus when you oversleep or forget to cancel an appointment, etc. For those, you might fret and say a few choice words, but then deal with it and not let it become an unnecessary burden. Then more intense is worry over one main issue you just can’t release a lost relationship or a mistake you can’t go back and correct. And your strong feelings hold it to you. You see no resolution, and you can’t stop obsessing over it every day.
The most troublesome situation is when multiple issues build up inside with focus on many painful feelings that won’t stop. And they become a source of daily rumination without resolution. Oryou retain feelings from the past like sorrow, regret, anger, etc. And a trigger like a song or a sudden memory can create an ongoing reaction. You can even get into, “What if this happens, or what if that happens,” before anything worrisome happens. Inner clutter fills your thoughts, and you feel there’s no way out.

Outer clutter in our surroundings influences the way we feel. But it doesn’t require constant attention, and daily activities furnish a respite. Inner clutter is a different phenomenon. Your thoughts are part of you. And for a person who’s caught up in a daily battle with obsessive thinking, the relentless invasion of worrisome thoughts can reach down to the soul and leave them anxious, depressed, and exhausted. Just living day to day becomes a challenge.

“Non-resistance is the greatest power in the Universe.” ~Eckhart Tolle

When mental clutter piles up, you try to make it stop. But it won’t budge. You try pushing it out of your mind, but it gets stronger. And you push harder. So it goes, over and over. Well, there’s a saying, “Resistance breeds persistence.” And it does. So stop resisting. Once you let it be, you can get to ways that will release it and bring you peace. And there are ways to do that.

First, give yourself permission to release the clutter. Then voice your intention to stop obsessing, and verbalize a vow to break loose. Be firm.

Prepare with self-talk, and speak to your thoughts with love as often as needed. Repeat,“I’ve been approaching problems with worry, and that doesn’t work. I’m smart enough to handle whatever needs my attention and let the rest go. And thoughts, I don’t need you now. I’m taking charge, and we’re going to be happy.”

“If it doesn’t nourish your soul, get rid of it.” ~Unknown

Consider the difference between worry and concern. Worry is clutter, it doesn’t solve problems. Concern implies relevance and importance and is a valid place to begin releasing the clutter. So list everything you’re worried about, and rate each item by how relevant and important it is and how much you ‘need’ to be concerned about it…0 being not at all, and 10 being a lot. Then choose items you can solve without worry.“A miracle is a shift in perception from fear to love.” ~Marianne Williamson

Imagine a large balloon, and drop items you’re releasing into the balloon. Seal the top, and wave goodbye with forgiveness and love as you watch it float upward and disappear into the sky. Feel your shoulders lighten and your mind clear. Now you have nourished your soul.
It may take additional efforts to finally stop cluttering your mind. But continue the clearing procedure as needed, and your mind will eventually develop a ‘stop button’. And you can truly be free. A long time ago, ongoing efforts worked for me, and I’m grateful.

“Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction.” ~John F. Kennedy

Most of us get a job, work hard, pay bills, solve problems, have some fun with family and friends, participate in spiritual activities, and keep our lives moving. But if you’re one of those, do you ever get a feeling maybe there’s something more, something you’re missing in your life? That feeling is a part of you inside that reaches out to your conscious awareness with a message you might want or need to know. There’s more to you than what you’ve seen so far.“Your life has purpose. Your story is important. Your dreams count. Your voice matters. You were born to make an impact.” ~Unknown

Each of us is born with a special purpose for our life, and something inside longs to express who we are and our reason for being here. But we seldom think consciously about such things. We know that life is a mixture of positive and negative experiences, and we prefer the positive. But how often do we actually think about our own role in helping to create a happier world? In thousands of ways our world needs help, but do you ever contemplate ways in which you might express something beneficial to others in your own special way? Hmm… What would you express? Think about it.“The things that excite you are not random. They are connected to your purpose in life. Follow them.” ~Unknown

We’re all endowed with talents, or gifts, things we enjoy and do well that are connected to our life purpose. And we bring these talents with us into our life to fulfill our purpose. But we don’t always recognize them as blessings that give our life meaning. And sometimes we take our talents for granted and minimize their value with an attitude that says, “Oh, that’s nothing. Anybody can do that.” But no two people can do anything exactly alike because what each person does is very special and cannot be duplicated.Some of us express our talents in seemingly small, insignificant ways…smiles and hugs help heal a broken heart, being a good listener validates others, repairing children’s bikes brings them pleasure, etc. With others, talents can be reflected in one’s type of work…teachers, physical therapists, nurses, etc. Millions of talents, all equal in importance, all blessing someone in some way. How vital each person is in our world. And most don’t realize that the good they do is an expression of their life purpose.

“The meaning of your life is to find your gift. The purpose of your life is to give it away.” ~Pablo Picasso

We discover our talents in different ways at different times in our life. And sometimes they’re even discovered through a painful experience. I once had a patient who suffered a back injury and felt his life was useless. He knew nothing of talents and life purpose. But he loved nature, and one day he discovered he could lay on the ground propped up on one side and grow a garden with one hand. Then his mood changed to happiness as he fulfilled his life purpose making others happy supplying beautiful flowers to hospitals and anyone who wanted a bouquet…including me.“If you can’t figure out your purpose, figure out your passion. For your passion will lead you right into your purpose.” ~Bishop T. D. Jakes

You may not know your purpose in life, and when you ask yourself why you’re here, you may have no answers. But if you know your talent and bring it to its rightful importance, you’ll see the connection. Then use it and claim your own happiness fulfilling your purpose.

If you don’t know your talent, start noticing something you really enjoy doing, and you do it well. It could be your work, a hobby, a pastime, etc. Listen to the voice inside that says, “There. That’s it. That’s why you’re here.” And move through your life fulfilling your purpose with a happy heart.

“Your essence is within you. You are already enough.” ~Debbie Spellman

For the most part, each day we automatically live our life without thinking past our usual activities. But we’re complex beings, and our role, image, and personality are so ingrained from childhood, we don’t usually question our identity. Personality becomes our ‘I am’ and, for many, that satisfies a need to know. But it doesn’t even touch the great dimensions of all that you are. Self-knowledge is one of our greatest tools to discover and uncover our true self and use this self for good. The more youknow about yourself, the better you’re able to choose what to keep and what to release to promote what you want your life to be.
We express from personality and from our true self, and the two are quite different. Personality is changeable and can have different opinions about itself. One day you’re a very bright person, and the next day you’re pretty stupid. Or decisions you make via personality can backfire and reveal parts of you that you’d rather not have. But there’s nothing wrong with expressing from personality. You can learn a lot about yourself from this source of expression.

People apply different meanings to the true self, such as authentic, true nature, deeper or higher self, the core of your being, soul, etc. But it is considered the real you, as you were created. And the essence of you cannot be something different. You are you, and you will always be you.

Somewhere tucked away inside each of us is a memory, memory of the self that existed during childhood before we fully assumed a role, an image, a personality. And part of us longs to recapture that time of innocence when we knew our true self well. With purposeful steps toward change, we can dim some of the personality’s hold on us, and know more of our true self.

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” ~E. E. Cummings

Intentions are one of our most powerful tools for change. And when it stems from the good in your heart, it will bring good into your life. Use intention with desire, willingness, commitment, and faith to change. Reinforce these qualities each day, and with your deep feelings to move forward, your courage will be there. No need to hurry. Change comes gradually over time.

Once you establish your decision for change, you need to begin listening. How often do you listen to how your personality thinks and notice what it does? What do you feel is positive and negative about it? What does it tell you about yourself, and do you agree with it? We’re taught to believe that personality is who we are. But do you ever sense that you’re more than this belief? Pay attention, andlearn to recognize this part of you.

“Intuition is the voice of the soul. The more you listen, the more you know your true self.” ~James Van Praagh

Clarify your meaning of true self, who and what you are within, and listen to it speak to you. Our true self-speaks to us often, but with our busy minds, we miss a lot of its messages. It’s uplifting, and will always guide us with love and wisdom. But we have to hear it. Seek ways to communicate with and express your true self. Play like a child, show kindness to others, claim your own worth.

The goal of this change is not to erase personality, but to release the traits you don’t want, and allow it to compliment your true self as the two can work together for your good. As days pass and you increase your knowledge and understanding, you’ll learn to tell if something is coming from personality or your true self. And you will gradually learn to decrease more of personality and increase more of your true self.

This is a vast subject, and mounds of material have been written in detail about who you are, and how to discover and nurture more of you. You’re on a journey of self-discovery. Read, research, express gratitude, and be your beautiful self.

“A very special THANK YOU to all my followers, friends, and all visitors who made this new milestone HAPPEN.” 🙂 Author, Marilyn Fowler

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Do you ever think of your past and find ‘what ifs’ running around in your mind? What if I hadn’t done that, what if I’d done something different? Mistakes and Regrets. And you spend your whole life agonizing about how different life would be had you made wiser choices in the past. Everyone goes through it, but you don’t have to live with it.

“One day, perhaps, you will see for yourself that regrets are as nothing. The value lies in how they are answered.” ~Steven Erikson, House of Chains

What kinds of feelings come up when you think of your mistakes…anger about what you did or failed to do, sadness at how things turned out, guilt, stupidity, disappointment in yourself or feeling others disappointment in you? We can be pretty hard on ourselves for being imperfect. I’ve never known a perfect person. But I have known some pretty great imperfect people. So you don’t need to keep beating yourself over the head and getting into ‘what ifs’ because you stumbled in the past.

Getting stuck in regret, self-criticism or blame can rob you of confidence and clear vision and then sabotage what you may want to create now. You can harbor your regrets, and stumble through life, but every decision you made was based upon your knowledge at the time. And maybe the path you took was necessary to move you to create something better. Louise Hay says,“Every experience Ihave is perfect for my growth.”

When I worked in the jail with a Mental Health Team, I counseled homeless inmates incarcerated for trespassing, stealing food, yelling at police officers, etc, some with mental illness and some without a mental disorder. And many came from dysfunctional homes with physical and/or mental abuse. I heard a lot of ‘what ifs’ from them with poor self-images and memories of one mistake after another. They saw few worthwhile qualities in themselves and no hope for a positive future. But as I worked with them I found many bright minds with potential for a better life, and many learned to see their mistakes not as reasons for blame, but as learning tools to turn their lives around.

Cut away the nonsense, the drama, the regret, the scars of the past, and make a decision to no longer let them govern your happiness and freedom. ~Steve Maraboli

Awareness: Sometimes we’re not aware of what’s churning in our subconscious robbing us of the freedom we need to grow on our journey. If you have a sense of something holding you back, look inside and see what’s in there. Any guilt and self-condemning thoughts? Any memories you’ve hidden somewhere so you don’t have to re-live them? Bring them up and begin your road to freedom.

Forgiveness: You’re not your mistakes. You’re not stupid or incompetent. So you don’t need to forgive yourself for being who you are. You need forgiveness for doubting yourself and allowing your mistakes to create a false image of you. Deal with your mistakes and feelings from your true self.Affirm your positive qualities often, acknowledge who you are, and claim your true identity–a beautiful person who goofs up sometimes.

Confrontation: There’s power in thoughts and more power in words. So when any self-condemning thoughts come up, talk to them directly, out loud when possible. Tell them you’ve had enough, and you’re letting them go … goodbye! Refuse to let them hang around.

Comfort: Comfort that inner child part of you who’s been suffering for too long. Give her/him lots of hugs with love and approval. And when you make your next mistake–and you will–do the same with that mistake and all the others that follow. You’re the caretaker, and your inner child needs you.

I can’t count the times I kicked myself in the rear end with regret, and it always took a while for those thoughts and beliefs to give up and go away. But each time it was a new step forward. And I wish those steps forward for you.

“Walk on a rainbow trail; walk on a trail of song, and all about you will be beauty. There is a way out of every dark mist, over a rainbow trail. ~ Anonymous ~

I’m 10 years old on a school trip, mesmerized by a sight so beautiful my breath escapes me. Thousands of tulips. Michigan tulips. As far as I can see they stretch across a field before me, and fill my eyes with brilliant color beneath a soft blue sky above. Their colors form a rainbow in my mind. Yellow, red, purple, pink, orange, white, all swaying in the warm breeze while the springtime sun sparkles on their petals. I hold my chest and sway with them, overcome with awe at a sight I only dreamed of in my story books. For a while, this incredible sight replaces the loneliness I feel at home. It’s nobody’s fault at home. That’s just the way it is.
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This beautiful panorama of color taught me something I’ve carried with me my whole life. No matter what pain we encounter on our journey, there is alwaysa rainbow somewhere. There have been times when I looked around at my life and saw nothing but dregs of what might have been. Boulders that looked too big to overcome. Doors closed to me forever. Hills too steep to climb. But my mind held the picture of the tulips, and I found my tulip rainbow’s message of hope, guidance, and promise for my life. And I picked myself up and moved on.

Do you remember an experience in your life, perhaps in childhood, when you felt deep inside an awesome sense of being—that you mattered? It may have been an insignificant event to others, but for you it deeply touched your heart, and it’s still with you. Mine was my tulips. What was yours?

When life throws you a curve, and you think you can’t get up, you may not see a rainbow. Butthe rainbow isalways there. Maybe it’s just behind the clouds you see in your life, or between rain stops when they fall, or in birds talking to each other early in the morning, or in a child’s smile. You may have to get on a bus and take a field trip in your mind to find it. But it’s there.

“We may run, walk, stumble, drive or fly, but let us never lose sight of the reason for the journey, or miss a chance to see a rainbow on the way.”
~ Gloria Gaither ~

We’re all on our journey through life, and sometimes that journey gets rough. But the rainbow tells us there’s hope. Re-experiencing your memory with feeling is what creates your rainbow of hope, or whatever a rainbow means to you. When you find some kind of pain in your life, bring up your memory and picture a rainbow in your mind. And claimthat rainbow as yours for the hope, and peace you want. If you don’t have such a memory, imagination is a gift we receive when we’re born, and you can create anything you want with this gift. Work the process, and know your rainbow is already there. You just have to claim it.
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“Be thou the rainbow to the storms of life, the evening beam that smiles the clouds away, and tints tomorrow with prophetic ray.”
~ Byron, The Bride of Abydos ~

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Life has a way of putting the difficult stuff right in our face, while the good stuff remains illusive. Maybe that’s what teaches us how to be more alert and careful where we apply our attention. Rainbows are all around you. You have to know that. You have to believethat. And open your eyes and your heart to look past the darkness and find them.