Saturday, June 30, 2012

Me and My Friend Noel are going to run a half marathon together in July and I am so excited!! Its a new run for me, and I get to be with one of my most favorite people.

We decided to go on a few long runs together to see how we pace and make sure we are not going to slow each other down. I was really scared about the run today because I have been a slacker for the last two weeks and I have not been running like I should. I do have some pretty great excuses though.. broken shoes.. shoes in the mail.. its too bloody hot.....

Well we started off really well and we went the first 4 ish miles really well. Then the shade went away, and with it went all of my motivation. I had no desire to run my happy little ass the next three miles. It was hot, I was tired, and it was all sun shiney. Those three things are the recipe for me to not care any more.

However, with Noel by my side and after a walk for about 20 minutes. we ran the rest of the way and made it to my house all sweaty and awesome.

My new shoes were awesome, however I did get some blisters. I am now 100% convinced its the way I run and nothing to do with the shoes. The last three pairs of shoes cannot be at fault. I believe when I lost 20lbs, i started to run different, and now that I have put all of that weight back on, my body is wondering what the F is wrong with me.

Why whoo... here is a picture of me and Noel about 5 miles in. Noel is rocking the shades and I am in the pink... looking all red and tired.

Oh.. I took the picture today of me in my Green shorts. I will post it tomorrow and you guys can all check out how awesome I look in shorts that wont zip up. I am still super excited for the day when I put those bad boys on and they fit awesomely... and then even more excited for the day when they start to get lose on me.

Friday, June 29, 2012

Yepp... I have started working out in the mornings again. I get up around 5:15 and head out to the gym.

Its a love hate relationship. I love that I can get my work out done and over with for the day. I love how awesome I feel afterwards, and I LOVE feeling like a bad a** cause I can do something that my husband thinks I will wimp out on. :)

I hate getting up early...

So.. last night I was SO hungry that I ate a bagel at 10:30 at night. And I might have went over my calorie intake by about 500 calories... and I saw the difference on the scale last night... Oh well.. I am still down a bit from Monday, so I have to take it all in stride..

I am proud of myself for tracking my calories, and for knowing what it was that I did wrong. In the past I have gained a little bit back and non known why and it has pushed me to the point of breakdown and wanting to give up. Not this time!!!

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Two nights ago I went to the gym with my friend Ashley and we started lifting weights again. Surprisingly yesterday I was not sore at all.... Until spin class time. I jumped on my bike. And Ouch... I could feel how sore I was in my upper back and in my abs. During spin class we worked out our glutes, abs, shoulders, and of course legs. I was SO sore. And I was exhausted.

That's me in spin class... I feel like I am dying and everyone else is just working away..

I went back to the gym later around 9 pm to try and run a few miles. A
little over half way through my first mile, I knew it was not going to
happen. I was way to sore for that.. And way too tired. So I left. My friend is going to go on a long run with me this weekend.. and I am SO not ready.. Sigh... Get ready to be embarrassed.

This morning I got my butt out of bed and head to the gym with Ashley at 5:45 AM. We ran for 15 or so minutes, and then we lifted weights.We worked on legs and shoulders and abs. Yeah... ha ha.. Everything that I worked on in spin class the day before.

What is the girl word for "stud"?? Because, I deserve to be called that word today. I stayed at the gym even after Ashley left and I did the full work out routine.

BAM!! I did that. And the scale showed all of my hard work! I am so excited to show you my weight on Monday. I believe I am going to be really proud of myself!

And best news of all!!! My running shoes came last night!!! They are so cute! And SO comfy! I would not recommend them for spin as they do get a little hot on your feet when you are strapped in to the basket. I would however give them two thumbs up for running. I have only ran around 3 miles in them so far.. but no blisters, and no wanting to tear my knee off of my body...

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Yes... I went one whole day without any sweets or soda. And I lived!!! I even went to the gym last night and ran a 9:30 mile and lifted weights. (Yep, I wore my broken shoes, and I still rocked that mile! BAM!)

I did however eat a 4th of a pizza for dinner. I did post a loss on the scale, however not a huge one. You know what.. screw that... Yesterday I did f-in awesome!! I had a goal of not eating any candy and going to the gym, and I hit my goal! I did what I set out to do!!

I have this goal of cutting out sugary sweets completely this week. On Sunday we are having a birthday party, slash fathers day party, slash birthday party. Yep. Two birthdays and fathers day. And I plan on eating me some cake! In moderation of course, becasue I also have this goal of being in the 180's to stay by next week.

Monday, June 25, 2012

I jumped on the scale this morning with a little bit of trepidation. I was a bad girl this weekend and ate lots of things that I know I should not have. :)

194.2.....

I knew it would happen. I hoped it would be less.. but I prepared for the worst.

I was not able to work out as much as I wanted last week due to broken running shoes. My new shoes are in the mail and should be here by Wednesday. They are the Brooks PureFlow. Aren't they cute!!

I hope and pray that these shoes will not give me killer blisters. I have a race coming up and I NEED to be able to run long distance. This weekend I have a 10 mile run scheduled with a friend and I am going to need to get in a few short runs before that, or I will die on my run with her.

I think I am going to start a new fun weigh in game! I have a pair of green shorts that I was given and they are adorable! However, I cannot get them done up. So I want to start taking pictures of me in them and show the difference in my weight and the way the shorts fit. I think once a week might be too much, so I figure I will do this the first of every month! And that is coming right around the corner!

And a random picture of me... I am on the left, my sister in law is on the right.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Last night my husband wanted to take me out to dinner for my birthday. My favorite restaurant is about an hour away from where we live, and we don't get to go very often. So I was super excited when he surprised me and said we were going to go last night.

Its a Vietnamese restaurant and I ate until my guts ached. It was great! And healthy. You just can't feel guilty when you eat so many veggies that your tummy feels like it might bust. :)

Tonight I have a baby shower for a friend, and my work is doing a bbq for lunch.

Tomorrow I have a girls night out with some friends. Which means yummy dinner and most likely ice cream. Who knows.

This all means that I have to be extra careful with that I eat. It could mean that I gain back all of the weight that I lost, or it could mean that I get to be proud of my self and prove that I can eat healthy even during all sorts of crazy times.

I am not going to tell you what I weighed in at today... or Tomorrow... You will have to wait until Monday to find out where I am at.

I think I am only going to post my weight once a week. That way no one will get sick of reading all about it.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

I have been so worried about gaining all of the weight back that I lost during my ragnar race. Yesterday I counted my calories (1147 calories) , and I went to spin class. And at 6:30 I was done eating.

My husband was eating blue Mike & Ikes. They are my FAVORITE! I could smell them all the way across the room. And yet.. I did not have one. And then he saved me some ice cream.. and I did not eat it. Oh man.. I deserve a trophy or something.

I guess I was rewarded..... I weighed in this morning and I was still at 192.0. Ya'll must think I am crazy to be happy about a mini plateau, but I am. This means that if I do really good today, I should be able to see a loss.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Its Tuesday morning and I am finally feeling recovered from my race. I am not sore any more, and I do not feel like the walking dead!! Woo Hoo! I am going back to the gym!! Spin class here I come!!

I weighed in this Morning and just like I feared.. Up a little. I was at 192.0. Not too shabby, but I need to fight to stay as low as I can. I do not want to gain back all I lost during that race.

Yesterday I did do fairly well eating, but I did not track my calories. I need to start tracking every thing that I put into my mouth so that I know where I am at.

I did turn down a cookie today. Ok.. alright... I was not offered a cookie. I went into Maverick to get a diet coke, and the cookies that are my most favorite were just looking right at me. And they were on sale.. and I love them... and I did not buy one... That would be the first time in a long time that I was strong and said no. WOO HOO!!! Small victories!!

Monday, June 18, 2012

I have a lot that I want to tell you... so I will break it down by days.

FRIDAY AND SATURDAY:

I ran the Wasatch back Ragnar. We started running Friday and finished on Saturday evening. It was awesomely tough and beautiful horrible. :) It is one of the craziest, funnest, toughest, inspiring thing I have ever done. I ran the Vegas ragnar last October and was pretty excited to run this one.

Here is a really quick review: 41 hours strait with no sleep. 16 miles ran. I am so excited to run it again. And I was so excited to see what I weighed in at. On Monday the 11th when I weighed in I was at 197.4.

SUNDAY:

When I weighed in on Sunday I was at 189.8. I was SO excited!!! And SO motivated. I saw the 180's again.

Sunday was my birthday. My amazing and great husband got me a motorcycle, and he made me a German sweetbread cake with a honey almond topping and cream filling. Its called Bee sting cake and it was fabulous!! And he took all day making it to make sure he got it right. I seriously married the best guy in the entire world.

Here is what I ate: a granola bar, a bowl and a half of cereal. Corn, mashed potatoes, steak and at 10:30 at night I had a piece of my birthday cake.

MONDAY:

I was really worried that the cake so late at night would kill me on the scale this morning. When I weighed in I saw: 190.4. PHEW!! I claim that as a success. I thought about taking a picture of the scale to show you all, however, I was too exhausted to walk back into my room and get my phone. Guess that's what happens when you miss a night of sleep entirely.

So here I am. Renewed motivation and SO excited to be SO close to the 180's again. I want to see that number again by tomorrow. Maybe wednesday. I know my body is all sorts of messed up right now, so I will have to be patient if it take a few days to get down a half pound or so. (Or to not gain 5 lbs or so)

Guess I am going to have to start saying no to those cookies... And saying yes to going to the gym.

Monday, June 11, 2012

I bet everyone that stumbles across this blog wants to smack me upside the head. I get a really good start, and I am so motivated for two or three days, and then it all goes down the crapper. Its so much harder than I thought it would be.

Last night as I am having a breakdown I think I might have had an epiphany. I came up with these two lists:

LIST 1: I HATE looking like I do. I HATE being insecure. I HATE wondering if my husband is attracted to me. I HATE getting dressed every morning. I HATE that clothes are getting tight on me again. I HATE being worried about pulling my shirt down to cover my rolls.

List 2: I also HATE eating healthy. I HATE getting out of bed at 5:30 to go to the gym. I HATE not getting to eat desert. I HATE watching everyone around me pig out while I pick at my veggies. I HATE always being worried about calories. I HATE how guilty I feel when I eat treats.

If I am going to be happy, one of those lists has to go. Otherwise I am going to be conflicted, confused and miserable for the rest of my life.

I can either be fat and eat whatever I want and learn to love a full figured me or I can eat right and work out and enjoy a smaller me.

Up until this point my brain says, I want to be skinny and my body says I want to eat yummy easy to prepare food. And cookies. Which is why I am so depressed and unhappy with myself. I cannot keep tearing myself apart. After some soul searching - Yes I really did have to sit and think about what is going to make me the happiest - I decided that I have to give up eating whatever I want, whenever I want.

I have to embrace list number two, and some how turn those hates into something I can deal with. For the next few months, I will not be able to enjoy every meal like I have been for the last few months. But the joy of getting dressed and having my clothing be loose on me, will out weight the pain I feel when I say no to the cookie.

I have heard that after you eat healthy for a while, you start to enjoy those foods and you no longer crave the other foods. I hope that is the case, however, I am very skeptical. The only way I will really know, is to give it my best shot and buckle down and do it!

I will no longer serve two masters. So long food! We have had 26 great years. But you are out! Its now all about me! And being happy in my skin!