José Mourinho, right, killed David Moyes's Manchester United with compliments after Chelsea's 3-1 win on Sunday. Photograph: John Sibley/Action Images

The memory that will linger in the mind was of turning to the next table, where José Mourinho was sitting beside his wife, Matilde, and their perfectly turned out and brilliantly named children, José and Matilde, and the sudden realisation that he was actually wiping tears from his eyes.

Frank Lampard had just delivered a speech that was so powerful and emotive that Louis van Gaal, this giant bear of a manager, could also be seen dabbing at his eyes on the top table, blowing out his cheeks and saying he had never heard anything quite like it in almost 50 years in the sport.

Van Gaal spoke beautifully, too, at Sunday night's event recounting his first meeting with Mourinho in one of Barcelona's finer restaurants, having taken Sir Bobby Robson's job at Camp Nou, and being struck by the audacity of this smallish Portuguese guy - shouting, creating a scene, remonstrating with the club's president, Josep Lluís Núñez, for his treatment of Robson despite the presence of the new manager. That was the moment Van Gaal, struck by this outpouring of passion and loyalty, realised he had just found the ideal assistant, by complete accident.

That man, he said, was now the outstanding manager in the business and, if you know what Van Gaal thinks of himself, that is some statement. "I am always the 'arrogant Louis van Gaal' but now I am humble," he said. "Now, he is better than me." A video montage was played, with tributes from past and present players, colleagues and rivals. The last time we saw Mourinho and Cristiano Ronaldo together it was that photograph of them standing in a corridor of the Bernabéu like two strangers, avoiding eye contact and barely on speaking terms after the disintegration of their relationship. Now Ronaldo was on the screen acclaiming Mourinho. Sir Alex Ferguson was next. There was old footage of Robson and tributes from John Terry, Wesley Sneijder, Didier Drogba and many others. "I'm in trouble," Mourinho said. "Big trouble." His voice was cracking with emotion as he started his own speech, and it was rare to see the Chelsea manager so humble, the family man rather than the football man.

That the Football Writers' Association (FWA) put on this tribute dinner will probably just confirm many people's suspicions that there are members of this industry who are in thrall of Mourinho. Another argument could be made – indeed Mourinho made the point himself – that there was not one writer present who had not heavily criticised him at one stage or another.

Either way, it is worth pointing out the FWA hold this event annually, with previous recipients including Ferguson, Arsène Wenger, Steven Gerrard, Ryan Giggs, Thierry Henry, Alan Shearer and Gary Lineker. Paul Scholes is another, which probably shows that it is about the great and good of football, rather than someone who just generates decent copy.

Maybe in time David Moyes will be the subject of this kind of event as well. As it is, the guests at the northern FWA dinner can probably still recollect the horrendous awkwardness when the compere asked everyone to rise to their feet to mark his "courage" taking the Old Trafford job. The day before, United had conceded an 89th-minute equaliser at home to Southampton. In their previous home game they had lost to West Bromwich Albion. It was a sympathy vote – a well-meaning one, but a sympathy vote nonetheless.

Three months on, the worry lines on Moyes's face stand out like contours on a map. The defeat at Stamford Bridge on Sunday was United's seventh in 22 league fixtures, leaving them 18 points worse off than at this stage last season. There is a 35-point turnaround with Arsenal over the same period, 20 with Manchester City, 26 with Chelsea, 30 with Liverpool, 21 with Spurs and 22 with Everton.

Mourinho, in his thank-you speech, reflected on his 100th Premier League victory and talked about being "never nervous, enjoying every moment". Straight after the match, before whizzing across town to The Savoy, he had killed United with compliments in the press conference. Mourinho talked about Moyes in the same friendly tone with which Ferguson eventually came to speak of Wenger: respectful, bordering on patronising, and with the overwhelming sense that there is no point picking a fight with someone who doesn't particularly matter to him right now. For the team in seventh position, a point above Newcastle, it is unfamiliar territory. A club with United's ambitions want to be under Mourinho's skin, bringing out that spiky, competitive streak, not listening to him saying he is more concerned about Everton and Spurs.

Moyes has stopped enjoying press conferences and will not be giving one before the second leg of their Capital One Cup semi-final against Sunderland on Wednesday, where United trail 2-1 from the first tie. "If this was another club, if it was at Man City, or Chelsea, or a few others, this would be a crisis, wouldn't it?" he was asked on Sunday. Moyes would not budge an inch. "That's your word, not mine."

Around the same time, Ferguson was making his way across the Stamford Bridge pitch with two of the other directors, Sir Bobby Charlton, and Joel Glazer, shaking Roman Abramovich's hand on the way and ending up in the tunnel outside the dressing rooms. A Belgian television journalist with access to that area reported Ferguson going inside. United say it was only Charlton who had that privilege and, for Moyes's sake, it has to stay that way. Ferguson, despite all the old urges, cannot be dragged into trying to help out when doing so would mean undermining the new man.

For now, however, there is no apology to be made for asking again whether United were right to allow Ferguson to handpick his replacement when Mourinho, the "trophy machine" to use a line from the commentator Martin Tyler, was available and making it crystal clear that he quite fancied the idea of taking over what Moyes has taken to calling the "project".

Lampard talked about someone who could "make the hairs on your arms stand up" during his team-talks and who single-handedly "drags every individual up a level," shaking his head with mild disbelief as he cited Eden Hazard's sudden enthusiasm for chasing the opposition's right-back. He thought back to Chelsea winning the European Cup under Roberto Di Matteo and made the point that the ethics of that team had started with Mourinho. "I might be biased, because I love the man, but he does it instantly. He brings instant success."

More than that, Lampard talked about the death of his mother, Pat, and how Mourinho, then at Internazionale, had helped him through it. "As soon as I hit a bad time, he rang me every day. Every single day. He is the most loyal, the most caring manager I have ever worked with." Lampard gave the impression he would run through a plate-glass window for Mourinho. And, again, the same thought came to mind: they would have adored this man at Old Trafford.