So, I’m not entirely sure how it happened but in a few short weeks my life went from simple, easy, and predictable to something very different.

I’m really tempted at this point to copy and paste some of the text conversations to illustrate what’s going on… but I’m not sure anyone would believe me. Without understanding the backstory and the ladies involved, I wouldn’t believe it either.

This afternoon I was at a coffee shop with a friend. It’s a weekly thing we do, just to get together.

This week, at the table next to us was a beautiful, older woman. Where we were, in that area, right outside the college, there are always a ton of young, hot women around. Granted, she was a bit older than the usual college crowd but nothing that far out of the ordinary. Both me and the friend are single but that’s not why we go there, it’s just a convenient location, it does make for fun scenery though.

This woman was one of those almost ageless types. The kind where you have to give a generous range when trying to guess an age. I’d have to say, somewhere between mid-40’s and early-60’s. Seriously, it could be anywhere in those two decades. Mature but hot and in terrific shape.

So, I kept half an eye on her while she was there. I try and go for “appreciative of a beautiful woman” and polite rather than “leering” but it’s hard to judge one’s own behavior. PG on the outside, whatever NC17 stuff is going on inside my head.

About half an hour after she arrived she opened up some boxes she brought with her. I thought maybe she’d just finished some shopping and was looking at her purchases but then she started setting things up. Some speakers, a little projector, a laptop.

She had even less technical know-how than I have, so I ended up helping her. All the while I wondered why anyone would be setting up speakers and a projector in the middle of a coffee shop, but I put that question aside while helping her find outlets and the right cords.

Best guess, this woman was a little younger than my mom, probably early to mid 50’s, blonde, leggy, and attractive as hell. She was wearing this sun dress that clung to every curve, and she had some nice curves.

We chatted a little bit, she was really nice. I was tempted to put some moves on until I found out what she was doing…

With permission from the owners, she was showing an educational film about the wonders of having child birth at home… and those of use in that area of the coffee shop were warned that the film was quite graphic…

In a coffee shop. At four o’clock on a week day.

Yeah, that’s a quick libido killer.

Me and my friend made some quick goodbyes and beat feet out of there.

Too bad, I liked her. There’s just no way I could sleep with a woman who goes around to coffee shops and shows movies like that. Nothing against the movies themselves, or the ideas behind them, but that’s just too much for me.

Just in case you were wondering, yesterday’s post was an April Fools joke. Though apparently “I’m voting for he-who-shall-not-be-named” was a popular one yesterday, and you all know me too well, because I didn’t get any freaked out responses.

I mean, c’mon, I won’t even name the guy here because he doesn’t need any more free publicity. He’s either he-who-shall-not-be-named or maybe-anti-christ, which is a little ironic because so much of the Republican base is composed of fundamentalists.

The only reason I bring this up, other than to point out yesterday’s joke, is to talk about conversations you should avoid with your FWB. Or, in my case, ex-FWB.

Jane and I have maintained the friendship part of our FWB arrangement even though we stopped having the benefits.

What’s kind of amusing though, is how little we know sometimes about the people we have casual relationships with. I mean, I thought I knew her pretty well, but when the conversation turned to politics last week I was in for a surprise.

He-who-shall-not-be-named was in the headlines for some of his usual ridiculousness. I made a joke at his expense.

Her response? “Yeah, but he’s still better than the other options.”

I did the whole comical double take, mouth hanging open. Whaaaaaa? Are you kidding me?

To clarify a little bit on why I was shocked; Jane is a minority, she’s young, she’s educated, she’s very open minded in certain areas. In my mind, none of those things are associated with you know who’s supporters. However, she’s also religious. Now, I’d never really thought about her faith in any serious terms because, well, we were very kinky FWBs for a while, she’s divorced, and she doesn’t really talk about her Church. But apparently, it plays a much larger role than I suspected.

The conversation went on for a while and her argument boiled down to “Well, who else is there?” And, to a small degree, I can empathize with her situation. I mean, I have a hard time imagining ever being a Republican, but if I was I’d be pretty f***ing disappointed with the current options too.

Cruz is a a sniveling little, back stabbing, lying, greasy wannabe who’ll do and say whatever it takes to get ahead, no matter how despicable. If you google “most hated man in washington” the first page is all articles about Cruz. And that’s what his contemporaries have to say about him. You think he’s going to be able to convince all those same people to vote for anything he proposes if, god forbid, he becomes the leader of the free world? How is he going to get anything done? And even if he does, he’s so fundamentalist his ideas are terrifying.

Kasich seems like a mostly reasonable dude but nobody thinks he’s got a chance in hell. Bush or Rubio would have been half decent candidates, for Republicans anyway, but they were shot down fast.

So, who does that leave? I mean, the Republicans are truly screwed this election cycle. There are no good options and even the “least worst” are terrible. The pundits wonder how maybe-anti-christ can shake off the massive blunders that would have killed any other campaign but the reason is simple, who else have they got?

The conversation with Jane was actually quite interesting. We agreed on most points, we’re just different parties. That might have bothered me if I thought he-who-shall-not-be-named had a chance in hell of winning. Sure, he’s at the top of the polls in his races but that really doesn’t mean shit these days, especially considering a large percentage of his “base”, Republicans, are just as against him as the Democrats are. What other candidate has a #NeverXXX that’s trending among his own party.

I’ve got some liberal friends that are terrified of the guy, but I just laugh. He doesn’t have a chance in hell, and I’m not just talking about the polls that show he’ll lose no matter who the democratic candidate is (stats). He’s too divisive, even for a Republican.

Look at it like this, pretend for a second that the US hasn’t been trending more liberal over the last decade and just look at the population breakdown (reference). More than half the US adult population is women. He has a 71% unfavorable opinion among women, so already he’s got a major handicap. Sure, some will hold their nose and vote for him anyway but we’re not done yet. 40% of the US adult population is composed of minorities. Who polls poorly among minorities? You guessed it. There are around 80 million millenials in the US, most of which lean liberal. That’s where Sanders has been getting most of his votes. They overwhelmingly poll in favor of the democrats. Who does that leave? Middle aged, white, male, lower middle class, republicans. That’s a tiny, tiny slice of the cross section of the US population.

The bottom line is that He-who-shall-not-be-named is part of a party with a base that’s already dwindling and he’s gone so far to alienate those that remain he’s just shooting himself in the foot. His slice of the American pie shrinks every time he opens his mouth. He’s a joke and doesn’t seem to be aware of it yet.

That said, now I know not to bring up politics or religion with future FWBs. It’s a good thing me and Jane aren’t fooling around anymore, I don’t think I could bring myself to sleep with someone who’s on the wrong side of my politics. Actually, I could but I’d probably be conflicted about it afterwards. Maybe.

When my last FWB, Jane, broke things off so she could do some “real” dating, I was happy for her but torn for myself. I’m only going to be in my current location for about six months before moving a few thousand miles for work. I’d already decided that dating was off the table, it would have just complicated things, but I didn’t want to be entirely celibate either. So, should I get back into the search for a new FWB or just lay off until after the move?

I was lucky with Jane, despite how short the fling was. She was exactly what I was looking for, someone who knew what they wanted, were comfortable with the conditions, and was a ton of fun.

Knowing I was unlikely to get that lucky again, I decided to just wait until after the move. It sucks but seemed like the best option for the time being.

Well, it’s gone surprisingly well so far.

Last night I was bopping around the apartment, getting some spring cleaning done with a spring in my step, whistling a tune and thinking that life was pretty good. Looking back, I’ve gotten more positive improvement done in my life in the last two weeks than in the last six months. Seriously. I got myself enrolled in classes for my Masters, my apartment has never been cleaner, and I’ve even picked up the slack in my workout routine.

I’ve lost ten pounds in two weeks. No shit. And I feel great. I’m less stressed, I’m happier, it’s like going on anti-depressants without the side effects.

All this got me thinking, was dating holding me back all these years? Was the time, effort and money put into getting sex and looking for relationships actually detrimental to my quality of life?

The answer wasn’t obvious so I decided to meditate on it. Here’s what I’ve come up with:

Dating is a lot like going to the mall every day with a particular purchase in mind, but it’s never in stock. Some days you see something that looks promising but it turns out to be the opposite but most days there isn’t even anything close. It’s frustrating, it’s depressing, and generally going to the mall that day wasn’t worth the time or effort. It’s like having a goal that is constantly frustrated and isn’t really achievable.

In other words: Fuck yes, dating was detrimental to my life.

Why should I get back into that turgid pool after the move? Why risk all the positives that I’ve gained? Why bother when I’m happier without it?

That’s when I decided I needed to write this post. But not just that, I wanted to do some research to see if I could back up my opinions with facts. I know I’m not the only one that’s decided he’s better off without dating.

Well, it’s surprisingly difficult to find studies on how many people stop dating and it’s affects on their mental health. Most of the results were click bait titles like “Stop dating men in their 30’s who pop their collar” or other bullshit like that.

But I also found a few articles like this one: http://elitedaily.com/dating/im-guy-stopped-dating-found-next-best-thing/954714/

The search also led me to a large online group of men who’ve also decided to give up dating. While it didn’t have much in the way of statistics it had a lot of opinion pieces from guys who’ve come to the same conclusion as I have. It’s called Men Going Their Own Way. While some of their articles are a little weird, there were also some that I found quite interesting. It’s always good to get a variety of opinions.

And that’s when I had something of a Eureka moment. Over and over in the articles I was seeing the same things, the same stories, the same frustrations. Men are truly f***ed in modern American society. No wonder so many of them just decide to stop playing the game.

It’s not just dating, it’s society that puts a ridiculous amount of pressure on men to be successful, to fill certain roles, to shoulder the burdens of the world while being constantly harassed about not doing enough. And we’re constantly told that we’re not good enough.

How is that fair? It’s not.

Things have got to change and fast.

And you know who is the only presidential candidate standing up for men’s rights? Who understands the difficulties and doesn’t put up with all the political-correctness bullshit? Who isn’t afraid to point out when a woman is being a B****?

So, I got a call from Cat the other day that was quite unexpected and could have gone very badly if our divorced relationship weren’t as good.

Before I get to what was said, I’d like to talk a little bit about her current husband. I’ve been calling him Captain Awesome (CA), entirely unironically, for a while in my draft posts but for various reasons they weren’t posted. He’s seriously an awesome dude and anyone who’s watched Chuck will get the reference. The kind of guy who’s so perfect you want to hate him but is such a good dude you just can’t. CA is tall, pretty in a way that sends women of all ages into a tizzy (seriously), successful, smart, has a bad ass job that more than compensates for his prettiness, and is exceptionally good with the kids. Not only all that but he’s gone above and beyond when it comes to making sure I’m involved with the family, as well as being cool with me and Cat’s strange-but-friendly divorce. I couldn’t have asked for a better dude to get added to the family and help watch over my kid.

Okay, on to the story.

Cat doesn’t typically call me, she’s far more of a texter or she’ll send a facebook update, so when I saw her name on the caller ID I was a little concerned. What she said surprised me though.

“Sooooo, CA was just on the computer. He noticed that your profile pic on Skype is not something kid friendly. Do you know what it is?”

Ummm… okay. I only use skype to talk to our daughter and to my mother, neither of which happens as often as it should, but the last time I’d been on the profile pic was an astronaut penguin or something ridiculous like that. It was one of their default options.

But when I logged into my account I didn’t see a penguin, I saw a large cock that had just cum all over the hand holding it. Yeah… not my style. Not the kind of thing I’d have put for ANY profile pic, let alone one used to communicate with family. And… it wasn’t my cock. I was hacked. Why, who knows? At least there wasn’t anything too bad they could have gotten.

Thankfully, whoever hacked my account didn’t bother to change the password. I was able to get in, change the photo and get a new password.

I told Cat, “Yeah, I didn’t put that up.”

She said that’s what she’d thought. Apparently, when CA had shown her the image she’d laughed and remarked that it wasn’t mine. As in, she looked at the photo on my profile and said that it wasn’t my cock. We were married for ten years.

We both laughed at that.

Just take a second to wallow in the ridiculousness of the situation. My ex-wife’s current husband found a cock shot for my profile pic and shows her, she laughs and tells him it’s not mine, then calls me so I can change it. We’re not only cool with that, it’s quite humorous.

This is one of the reasons why I’m extremely appreciative of the relationship that Cat and I and Captain Awesome have. What could have been an extremely awkward, uncomfortable, angry situation wasn’t any of those things. It was like a very strange adult joke that we were all in on.

I just hope my mom didn’t see it, that conversation would be far less amusing.

Okay, I couldn’t help myself. That shouldn’t surprise all of you. I replied to the weird email that I talked about in the previous post. The message was just too off the wall, I needed to know more. Turns out the story gets even stranger.

In the first email, dude basically offers me the use of his nympho sub for the summer. Yeah. There was nothing about the message that interested me at all, rather the attitude the dude had was really bothersome, which is what the last post was about.

But I couldn’t just leave it there, I wrote back a quick, two line message. Basically a “tell me more”. I didn’t really want to engage with him but I was curious about him and the situation. Call me an amateur sociologist.

We’re going with Bob and Sierra for names, for now. According to him, long term “FWB” with a big kinky streak.

This was his response (edited for anonymity):

“Sierra is my sub, she calls me her Master. She’s early 40’s, (irrelevant details). I’m early 50’s, (irrelevant details). She’s into all kinds of kink, especially playing with multiple guys. We’re DDF and tested often. We are hoping to share her while you’re in the area as long as you’re discrete and can host. You sounded like someone who would appreciate the opportunity.”

Alright, on the surface there are some oddities but there were a couple details that really stood out. Specifically, they’re both decades older than me, have been playing together for four years… but can’t host and emphasize being discrete…

What the fuck? This screams “we’re two adults cheating on our significant others and looking for somewhere to hook up”. Probably tired of making out in cars or paying for hotel rooms. But this dude acts like he’s trying to do me a favor?

For those of you who don’t know me so well… I’m an extraordinarily private person. I’m a hermit in training and don’t waste my time on most people. Sure, Bob doesn’t know that… but what kind of unreasonable douchebag is he? Not only treating Sierra like shit, he’s probably cheating on a wife or long time partner, and he’s willing to offer his mistress’ orifices to a stranger just to have a place to fuck her.

My response (edited for anonymity):

“Bob, I appreciate your offer but felt that I should outline my own positions before we go any further. I don’t play with couples or groups unless I’m very comfortable with them beforehand, and I’m certainly not interested in being anyone’s third wheel. If (Sierra) wants to meet with me, see if we get along, that would be a good first step. If Sierra and I click maybe down the line I’d be open to adding others. But it would only be in stages and accommodating all of our comfort levels.

“Second, your concern for ‘discrete’ partners and inability to host implies to me that you’re both involved with others and this is some side situation, which I’m not okay with. If that isn’t the case, please set me straight.”

Yeah, I was more polite than I needed to be, but I’m a polite kind of guy and I was still curious what info I could get from him.

His reply was unsurprising:

“Yes, we are, as you put it, ‘involved’ with other people but we’ve been together for (years) and have never had any drama. Sierra only plays with me, so if you’re suggesting time with just her than there is nothing else to really discuss. Good luck with your search.”

Yeah, that put pretty much all my questions to rest.

There are so many douche bags out there. I’m quite sincere when I tell people that I’m glad I’m not a woman in the dating scene these days, I couldn’t stand it.

Those of you who’ve been reading for a while know I’m a very sex positive, open minded, equality promoting kind of guy. That might seem contradictory to some of the BDSM behaviors I’ve picked up over the years but it’s not, and that’s something that took me some time to learn and be comfortable with. My goal has always been to give my partner a good time, bondage, dominance, and everything else are just tools in my tool box for giving her what she wants. I get out of it what she gets out of it. It’s never been about me or my desires, it’s about what I can do for her. Makes sense?

Now, I know that my perspective is not universal to BDSM, nor is it exclusive. There’s a very wide range of types of people and situations in the BDSM community, most of which are perfectly healthy but others that are a bit too extreme for me. As long as it’s consensual (emphasis on consensual), than I try not to judge. To each their own. But sometimes I see situations that look far from healthy. That’s one of the reasons I encourage women who are interested in the BDSM scene to find an experienced woman with similar interests to show her the ropes, help keep her safe. There are definitely some people (guys mostly) that get into the BDSM scene to “validate” abusive relationships and interests, they aren’t “abusive” they’re “kinky”… but abuse is abuse and should be pursued legally no matter where it shows up.

Okay, so you’ve got a very thorough explanation of where I fall on the kink spectrum. I’m exactly as kinky as my partner and only go as far as she enjoys. Her having a good time is what’s arousing to me. She is always the priority, even if she’s tied up and getting spanked (because that’s what she wants, not what I want).

You also know that I’ve been dipping into the Craigslist world to see if I can find a playmate for the months leading up to my move later this year.

Well, last week I got this email response to one of my posts (lightly edited to protect anonymity):

Hello! We are a FWB couple that have been together for XXXX years. She is a nasty Asian mixed cum slut that is into being dominated and bondage. Both DDF, disease free. I would like to share her with you for the remaining time you are here.

Our email address is: XXXX

Bob and Sierra

Yeah, hopefully you anticipate some of the issues I have with that message, because there’s nothing in here that sounds good to me.

First, you don’t call someone that you’ve been together with for XXXX years a nasty cum slut. Now, I know there are plenty of people who get off on being called things like that. I don’t have a problem with these kind of put downs if they’re part of consensual fun between two adults… But that’s something unique to their relationship, not with strangers on the internet.

Let me put it like this, if my partner wanted to be called a “c$m guzzling, sl*tty bitch” I could call her that behind closed doors, just like tying her up or spanking her, because that’s what gets her going. HOWEVER, and this is a big HOWEVER, I would never call her that to someone else, especially a stranger. Respecting her wishes, giving her what she wants, not a problem… but showing her disrespect in public is NOT cool (unless it’s somehow explicitly tied into our game, like at a “munch” or something where people understand the dynamic). Already, the disrespect the writer is showing his “partner” is a total turn off.

Second, he’s writing, not her. My whole philosophy is female-centric, giving her what she wants is what gets me going. That she isn’t writing already makes this whole thing borderline already. Why is he writing instead of her? Maybe she’s not into this side of their relationship, maybe she doesn’t have a choice, maybe she’s not being given much choice? Or maybe this is part of their dynamic, more owner-object than partnership. But still, none of that appeals to me either.

Third, as if the first two weren’t enough (they were), the line “I would like to share her with you…”. Further emphasizing that this is about him, not her. He would like to share her… like she were a pair of lucky socks or some tupperware containers. That attitude disgusts me.

Now, before I go any further, I’m not judging people that are into those kinds of behaviors. Different kink for different folks. I’m just talking about this specific email and the things I see in it that bother me.

If she were emailing me about how she wants to get used in the bedroom, that would be one thing. Or if both of them were messaging me, that would be something else. Or if he’d started out respectfully and we had some dialogue before he got explicit. But him putting her down, emailing to offer her? That’s different.

Pretty much everything I see in this email is flag toward an unhealthy BDSM relationship. Well, actually they aren’t even in a relationship, he says they’re just FWB. And, as a FWB, he’s comfortable offering to share her with strangers online, all while showing complete disregard for her. Her only worth to him is as an object to use… and share, apparently. And that I’m not cool with. At all.

I know it’s a bit of a click-bait title but I couldn’t help it. (And, sorry Sassygirl40, no smut yet. Just haven’t been feeling it recently.)

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything here. I’ve been busy adulting. I’m getting ready for the impending move and taking care of a bunch of things. Even got my taxes done before the deadline, pretty good for someone like me who always puts everything off to the last minute.

Anyway, as today represents the end of a very long and mostly productive week I took myself out to lunch at Subway. Big spender, I know. But one of the things that I love about the Subway near where I work is that it’s always staffed by hot women. Shallow, probably, but it makes the whole experience a little nicer.

Today, there was an absolutely gorgeous redhead serving me, totally my type. Athletic but still with curves, some tasteful tattoos, pretty but down to earth. She looked like the type that probably played Roller Derby on the weekends, or at least had some friends that did. That she had a great smile and got my jokes were just icing on the cake.

And a wedding ring.

Too bad.

I really wanted to take her aside and ask her where I could meet someone just like her. Maybe ask her if she had a twin sister that was single, or failing that maybe a best friend. And I probably would have said something if the place hadn’t gotten busy. Well, that and I wasn’t sure if it would come off as weird.

I know, I know, I promised some other posts but I got side-tracked and had to rant.

Ladies, if someone came up to you and said that cutting off a chunk of your clit had all sorts of possible (though insignificant) health benefits would you go for it?

Somehow I doubt it.

When you hear about female genital mutilation in third world countries does it make you cringe? And/or donate to Human Rights Watch?

Then why, for the god damn fucking sake are people still encouraging male circumcision?

I just saw a news article TODAY that mentioned all these “benefits” to cutting off men’s foreskins. Except, if you actually read the stats, get the background information, give it a little critical thought and check other sources, it’s almost COMPLETE BULLSHIT.

Why is this socially acceptable? Why is this even worth a fucking article? Why aren’t people pissed off?

Do you know why circumcision was invented? The church thought it would be a way to lessen boys’ urges to masturbate.

But this isn’t the fucking dark ages, why is this still a thing? Why are we permanently damaging male children, removing thousands of their nerve endings on the most sensitive part of their body?

I’ve read the studies, seen the arguments, and they’re all full of shit. Seriously. EVERY SINGLE POINT!

I don’t get it. If we were talking about mutilating baby girls there would be a shit storm of epic proportions, but no one cares about boys? This is fucking bullshit.