My 8 year old daughter is being told she is not allowed to play with a friend because she older than the friend, my daughter doesn't understand why and is very upset, help?

Krissi - posted on 11/18/2013
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My neighborhood has big courtyard area out in front of our houses where all of the kids play. This summer some new neighbors moved in and have an 8 year old son and 5 year old daughter. We invited them to my daughters birthday party at the pool and our kids played together in courtyard. The last couple months the neighbor girl (5) started telling my daughter (8) that she can't play with her because her mom says she can only play with kids her size. That's understandable. The problem is she is allowed to play with other kids who are older 7 & 8 years old. Total contradiction. Also when the other little girls in the neighborhood are over at our house the neighbor girl (5) will consistently knock on the door and ask the other girls to play with her, I always invite her in to play with all of the girls and she responds "I can only play with kids my size". One day my daughter asked her "I'm confused you always say you can't play with me but you always knock on my door" but it's because she wants the other kids to play. Obviously something has happened. I have asked my daughter if she was ever mean to her and she has stated they've argued about who was going to be the mom and who was going to be the daughter while playing house. Also the neighbor girl unfortunately is kind of bratty so it's not a huge loss but at the same time my daughter was crying today because she doesn't understand why the neighbor girl can't play with her but can play with everyone else. I tried to explain to her that we can't control what her mom decides but we can make sure we surround ourselves with the good friends we do have. This situation is very hard as I always do parties for the kids and invite everyone but now I just feel as though I don't want to invite them and then I feel bad that they will be excluded but they are doing the very thing to my daughter. I guess I need some opinions on others would handle this situation and they would explain why another child can't play with them.

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Enna - posted on 11/19/2013

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I would go ask the girl's mom. I know it's preferable to let the kids work it out on their own. But this sounds like something that the girl's mom is behind, and maybe there's something you don't know. If nothing else it may just show you that the other kid is an even bigger brat than you realized. Maybe her mom didn't say that at all. Little kids can bully bigger kids too!