Exit tiger. Enter Babu‘mosha’i — the new man-eater! Shocking! For you? Yes! For the ‘shorkaar’? Well, not quite! Why? Oh come on! Has anyone heard of a rhino getting malaria?

Ok, so let’s see. What all have we managed to get done in the recent past...

We’ve gone nuclear (though still not ‘clear’). We’ve managed to shoot off to the moon. Anand’s reigning over those 64 squares. Sachin’s gone past 12,000. Soumitra Chatterjee’s finally got a National Award. Ritu-da’s gone bald and beautiful. The Todis are running (they’ll lose weight fast). Russell Peters was in town. And we’re unaffected by the Assam blasts! Hoorah!

CUT!

Despite all that, we’ve been bitten. Had Hrishida been alive, I’m certain he would have made Anand — Part II. Not in celebration of Anand’s moves, but for our age-old crisis: the Great Bengali Mosquito Circus! What a sight would that make: Khanna-Bachchan, back on the silver screen!

Minister says, “Arre baba... what can we do? We are regularly spraying bleaching powder. We are giving additional medical support. More doctors. More nurses. More ward boys. But we do not have adequate malaria clinics. Not our phault. Infrastructure is to blame. But at the same time, we shall not allow these ghastly mosquitoes to play chhini-mini with public’s life. The problem is, these creatures have become oversmart. They have already approached Insect Rights Commission. Now it is up to us to file public interest litigation against these man-eaters. So come one, come all... kindly ‘corporate’ with corporation. Heal the world... Make it a better place... For you and for me and the entire mosquito race. (As suggested by the popular child rights activist Michael Jackson.) This is conspiracy by opposition. Remembaaaar… We shall not tolerate. We shall definitely overcome. Long Live Human Being! Down with Mosquito Imperialism!”

Health and hygiene is expensive, you see. It doesn’t come free with the Tricolour. And then where is the government going to get those cannons from? After all, haven’t they issued ‘shoot-at-sight’ orders against the babumoshais already? Or are those only reserved for the Rahul Raj(s) of the country?

RETURN OF THE RAJ

Hey! Good idea! Let’s dial R for Raj and tell him these mosquitoes are north Indian! Bingo! Problem solved!

As of now, waiting for the Raj and the rain to come down in November. Didn’t Axl Rose promise you that many many mosquitoes ago? (Sob! Sob! Getting emotional!)
(Beep Beep) Excuse me, please...