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About efthebar

Recently, I’ve been wondering if I’m actually good enough. Today the most. I just feel so fat, and ugly. And I feel like I need to change. Like, sometimes you look at other girls, and wonder, why is the person I’m with, with me? And I feel like I need to write this post, to let it all out, because otherwise it’s just going to build up inside of me.

I know I’m not perfect, and no one is, and I know there is things I could do better.

1. I need to stop talking about myself and listen to other people.
2. I need to stop being so jealous and paranoid about shit.
3. I need to eat less food and exercise more. I have serious belly fab

I know no one asks you to be perfect, but I feel like I annoy people all the time. And I know that in most of my blogs, I’m banging on about people not changing, because people love them for them etc. But now, I just feel like fshfhskjfkjbfkewbf :L if you get me?

And there’s some days where you just don’t feel that special for that person you love. Some days where you wish you were that girl who wore chinos, a nice top, long hair and was skinny. Some days where I wish I wasn’t me.

I need to stay strong though. For you guys. But I might change a little bit.

I need to be happier. And I’m going to cycle 3 days a week. And go to the gym – sweets are on a ban :3

I’m going to be a better person. A change into that chino girl. Then maybe, I’ll be satisified with myself. And feel a better person.

A while a go as many of the people who know me know, (if that makes sense?:L) :} I applied for Junior Apprentice. I kept dilly dallying whether to apply because I thought, there’s so many people who apply, I won’t get in. I even attached a photo of me with a sunburnt face, considering all the other photo’s of me were edited and the photo’s I was taking, normally, I looked like a div.

So, after a few days after the deadline of refreshing my e-mails every 2 seconds, I got an email come through. Casually sat in the bath, on my Blackberry as you are, looking at my e-mails. I turn off the taps, grab a towel and leg it round my house trying to look for my parents to tell them the news. Found my Mum!
Me: You never guess what Mum?
Mum: What’s happened now?
Me: I got in! I got an interview for JA!
Mum: Nooooooo D:

Haha, I was so excited and I told, everyone! But I didn’t care if I didn’t get anywhere, because tbf I just wanted the experience of going on and what it was like to have an interview. It was my dream to be on the TV Show :’) When I got there, there was just so many people, some people casually dressed, like jeans and t-shirt and other people suited and booted. I went for my 30 second interview, with 10 other people. I was number 4. When they called out my number, the butterflies flew all around my body. Hello, my names Lizzie.. etc. There was one lad in there, who even said:

“Which one of you is Simon Cowell” What kind of joke is that o.O haha.

They called my number through to go off with a different person :’) I had no idea what was going on, but the excitement of everything :). I went for 4 interviews, the film bit at the end was a bit dodging, considering there was a gorgeous lad in there who I couldn’t keep my eyes off. D:

I didn’t get an e-mail through or a phone call for the second round, but I will still apply next year :’) just for the experience, even if I didn’t get though.

This post is basically just telling you: life is short, live your dreams, and if you want to do something do it. Do the things you love to do, and don’t let anything get in your way, because if it’s what makes you happy, then it shouldn’t bother you what other people think. Pursue you’re dreams, before you don’t have the time. :’) live for the moment, not for the past ❤

So today I had my last exam, Physics which was just.. awful D: I fell asleep for like half an hour because I was just so god damn tired. The fact that I have completed 20 odd exams or something, I see as quite an achievement, and all I’ve been doing every night, is opening a book.. and not even looking at it properly :L

The only thing I’ve got to dread now is the results day. I think I’ll get the envelope, just stare at it for about a year, then eventually open it. Or open it, scream, then burn it ;D.. oshit, I can’t do that can I? Because I need it to show in my interviews.. DAMN IT. Physics was just the worst though. Considering we didn’t even learn anything in those lessons, and she spent the whole of the lessons shouting and moving people and going on about animals or whatnot.

I seriously want to burn my uniform and my school books. But shows how much faith my mum has in me, when she says, no Lizzie, keep hold of those, you might need to re-take stuff. The only thing I think I would massively fail would be German AS, since in my written section, I did, maybe.. write an apology note to the examiner. Maybe I’ll get extra marks :’) it went something like this.

DEAR EXAMINATION PERSON.
I am terribly sorry for my failure in this subject, as I cannot construct a sentence in German without a dictionary. I know it makes no sense, I know I’m going to fail anyway. I shouldn’t of taken this course, I should of taken French :3I am terribly sorry for wasting your time.
Love from Lizzie Farrow, German AS Candidate.

I personally thought it was hilarious, considering there was meant to be a minimum of 200 words,, and I wrote like 5? So I’ve reasured Mum that it’s not the end of the world. I did have my English exam on the same day, and when I told Mum the story of what I did, she nearly pooped her pants because she thought I did it in my English exam not my German. GOD NO. If I had done that in English, God would of smitted me by now.

So yeah, I will tell you guys and girlies what I got for my exams when that dreadful day comes. But now the summer is here, THANK GAWDDDD. I’m in some serious need of relaxation :3 I think everyone is. However, it’s now raining. YAYAYAYAYAY ENGLAND.

I might just have a permanent umbrella attached to my head. Like this v

Nom :3 is the only way to describe him. Even though I’m not keen on his new song “changed the way you kiss me”, after listening to it a bazillion times, I’m getting used to it :’)

Today I was in such a shit mood, and sososoooo tired, that I listened to about 5 YouTube Video’s of Example’s songs :} and they did cheer me up. I was so stressed about my Physics exam, and tbh, I DID FAIL :3 owell.

But yeah, I am going to see Example in December with my lush boyfriend and my best friends hopefully :} first time of seeing him live. I don’t know whats got me in the mood to see him, but I deffo think there will be a dribble patch where I’m stood. (: ooopsss (a)

My friend Holly, has an EXAMPLE TEE :} and oh my days, I really want to steal it off her, it looked amazing in her display picture, and hopefully I shall buy one at this gig, if not, I’ll make one ;> just cut out the letters on a bit of paper and PVA them on ahaha.

I haven’t been to many gigs, but I have a feeling this will be the best one (: as long as none tries tipping beer over me, punches me in the face, or steps on my feet, I will be fine :}

One more thing before I think of something else to write about ;}, Elliot Gleave, FUCKING MARRY ME! D: ❤ ❤

This is probably my third post today :’) but I just wanted to say thank you to all my viewers and subscribers, I’ve now reached just over 2000 views in about 1 month and a half :’) which is a huge huge achievement, I know quite a few people who read this every night.

It would mean a hell of a lot, if you could become one of those people :’) or, you see that button, that says “Sign Up Bro”… CLICK IT. 🙂 Thanks again.

Two more exams, and it’s finally the summer hols! I CANNOT WAIT! I’m sort of pee in your pants kinda excited ;} I’m super jel of all these people that have finished their exams already, but heyho, I should be revising but meh:} ICT is just general knowledge anyway!

I just hope the weather holds out, because I’m in preperation to get my summer clothes out, and if it’s starts weeing down… GOD, I will not be happy. It happened last year. You wear shorts out, then BAMMM, rain I don’t know if it was because my tree-trunks were out but what, or whether my Step-Dad had been singing again.. D:

The warm whether, makes me feel all happy :3 just the fact you can lie around on the grass with your friends, and just relax. I LOVE THAT WORD. I cannot wait to relax, and after my exams – sleep for about a year. Go to the beach with my besties, build about 10 sandcastles, and waste all my money on the tuppenny falls :’) sounds like a lush summer to me!

– ALSO, in a week I shall be ringing up M&S, to apply for a job there, and hopefully they will have a vaccancy :} if not, I’m just gonna be somebodies pimp! I heard it’s good pay(:

I don’t know why, but Example seems to get me in the Summer mood:) So here’s a bit to get you into the groooveeee. Get you’re sunnies out, and just basically, have a rave in your room.

I wrote this knowing you won’t ever read this, but I need to let you go. I’m tired of waiting for you to call, because I know that in my heart, you never will. Again and again, I believe your promises, and I don’t know why.

You think I’m after your money, when really, I’m just after your love. And I won’t be getting that. I just want you to there for me, to ring me and ask me how my exams are going, to come and see me when you’re seeing your girlfriend. But do you bother? No. You can’t even make the effort.

I ring you, I shout at you, I cry down the phone to you, but all you can do is talk about yourself, like no-one in the world matters to you. I just want to be in your life, but you can’t bother your arse to be in mine.

When I was a little girl, I used to think, that if I was good enough, you would come back for me. We left you that Christmas, and you didn’t even follow me, that bond between us was broken, I keep repairing it, but it keeps getting broken. Again. By you.

This may sound harsh, but I don’t think you know what “love” means. I don’t think you ever will. We sit in the car, I don’t know what to say to you, you don’t know what to say to me. That’s what our relationshp is based on, if that’s what you want to call it.

I’ve tried Dad, I’ve wanted you there, but you just make excuses. I need you out of my system and this is the only way.

I love you Dad, and I won’t know who I truely am without you. I need to forget you, to move on with my life, and be happy. This is the only way. And I’m truely sorry. I tried to make you proud, and I guess I didn’t.