All the Emotions

I guess writing my last post broke free some emotions I didn’t know that had or had been hiding from myself. Only a few minutes after posting it, one of the songs on my running play list came on and the next thing I knew I was in the middle of a really ugly cry.

I was crying because I was sad, scared, frustrated, thankful, and excited. All the emotions of my TBI came out at one time…

I am sad because…

I don’t know what to do with myself. I feel like all the things that make me, me were taken away from me.

I am missing out on so many activities and events.

Some of the people I thought I could count on have failed to show up during this time.

I am scared because…

I still have memory issues. It is so scary to have a conversation or do something and then completely forget about it.

Things that were routine for me before the accident are not anymore. I don’t know if or when I will be able to remember what used to be so simple.

I have been out of work so long that I don’t know what I will go back to. (However, my team has been amazing which as made this situation slightly easier.)

A lot my independence is gone. I have rely on others to get me to and from places and help me remember things.

I had my anxiety and depression under control and now they are trying their hardest to sneak back into my life.

I am frustrated because…

All I want to do is put my running shoes and head phones on and run as hard and fast away from this situation. However, I cannot even go for a walk by myself.

I am going stir crazy.

I had worked really hard to get my fitness level for running to a really good place prior to my accident. I can only imagine after 6 weeks (to this point, probably longer) of no running my fitness level has declined.

I had big plans for this year and they have been derailed. I know that I can get things back on track but it is still very frustrating. Between all the events I was planning on participating in and my wedding in August and I really hoped to be in the best shape of my life.

I finally have a great care team but had I found them earlier I wouldn’t be our of my normal life as long as I hear I will be.

I am thankful because…

Justin and my family have been so amazing and super supportive.

I have some really amazing friends! I have received calls, texts, and cards throughout this whole ordeal.

I am excited because…

I finally have an amazing team of providers who are going to help me get back to my normal life! I know it will take some time but having a plan gives me hope!

Are am sure there are even more emotions. Everyday, there is a new emotion I experience and have to process. I am working hard to work through all the emotions…

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Comments

I cannot imagine how terrifying, sad, and debilitating this must be for you. I am really sorry you are having to go through this and I wish you lived closer to me! Think about you often and pray for your speedy recovery. xoxo

I am sorry you are going through this, Missy – I can imagine you have a lot of emotions about where you’re at right now! Continue to take care of yourself and know that you have many people thinking of you and sending you positive vibes.

Oh man, I can’t even begin to imagine how many things you’re feeling right now. I’m so glad you have a great team that is there to help you! I feel like I’m never going to get through my own running injury, and the best advice I’ve gotten during this time is that sometimes things can feel so monumental and like you’ll never get through them – but what you are going through right now will not last forever. You will improved and get through this, and soon you will be looking back on this time in your life as a memory. I know nothing anyone can say will really help, but just know that we are all rooting for you and hoping for a speedy recovery!

I am reading this post a bit late, and thank goodness because I’m a crybaby lol I’m so glad you aren’t in the place anymore and that you are getting back to racing and work and that you went to the original place where the fall took place and reclaimed your fear. Again so much love your way.

You have so much rolling around inside you. It’s great that you use journaling to deal with that. If you don’t mind, I’m going to borrow your format for my own journaling process. I have having trouble last night and couldn’t find the words to write, but I was feel all sorts of emotion.

Hello! My name is Missy, and I am the blogger behind Getting Fit to Find Myself. I live in the Twin Cities (Minnesota) with my fiancé, Justin, and my dog, Baylee. This blog came out of a want, I wanted a place to talk about how my fitness and weight loss journeys have helped shape who I am today. Read More…