I
am writing this article from deep inside my heart to share with you my journey
in discovering islam. My search for truth begin nearly 20 years ago. As a young
chinese, I am more a free thinker rather than following the usual chinese
Ancestor worship. Most chinese are mistaken to be Buddhist. Those who choose to
become Christian at least make some thinking and spiritual questioning. To
believe in God is easy. But how we deal withreligions with its varois people and institutions. This is more
difficult. Are not they are almost similar or very different from one another.
It also involved race ,language and the society around us. So I define myself
as seeker. I am a shy person but also brave to undertake this journey to
discover Islam. I begin to read a lot about the great religions and teaching of
the philosophers from east and west. I still remember in the 1970s where a
magazine called Nuggets of Wisdom really illuminated my life. It contains
various aphorisms and teachings from the sages and prophets of God .

Educational
Background

First , because I know the malays very well due to
my malay educational background, I separate the malay beliefs and culture from
the spiritual truth of Islam. I read directly the Islamic teaching by scholars
such as Imam Ghazali, Jalaluddin Rumi, Iqbal, Muhammad Asad, Maryam Jameelah,
Pickthall, SH Nasr, Martin Lings and a lot sufic stuffs. My three years in University of Malaya was full of reflection,
research and interaction with people. I also prayed secretly in my heart to God
that He help me and strenghten me on the path of Islam. Please give me trusted
friends. Open me to encounter with people of Allah.

When you are becoming mature around 18 to 20, the
attraction toward women take a new dimension. You feel the need to love and to
be loved by the other half. Your heart yearnto be confided. You see the beauty and subtle care of the feminine half.
You think you must prove your manhood. You are a hero without friends. As
seeker, you begun turning to God. You begin to question- oh God, why I am
without a true religion ? Why the ancestor chinese beliefs cannot suit me. I am
educated. I am enlightened by the modern literatures. I must roam free and be
brave to find my own destiny.

Intimate Matters

The hardest thing now is who we can communicate and
relate our feelings about God. It is so intimate and precious. Of course, only
a respectful and understanding woman can share your concerns. Why , because a
woman when she trust you, she really think you are a great guy. She know you
can become a hero and challenge the world. She do not want a weakling or a
coward dealing with life and death. There are no free love today. You must pay
with genuine cares, tricks or worldly attachments. That why your diplomas or
degree really help. It ensure you get a good job and ways to find money to
support your own life.

To Be Strong

In the beginning, I keep my interest on islam secret
from other friends while I am in the campus. I wanted to build the solid
knowledge and confidence before becoming a muslim. At that time, I know the
inward certainty about islam but not the muslims around me which still not
trusty or helpful enough. Who is this chinese guy ? Why should I speak or
befriend him ? It is very impolite for a muslim woman to communicate with a
chinese student ? What about the muslim guys outside there ?

In 1979, there are only Perkim which deal with new
muslims or potential seekers. There are no Abim Outreach, JIM, Darul Fitrah or
Macma. I don’t believe in Perkim. So I prefer my own way of learning Islam
mainly through books. And a lot reflection, meditation and inner musings. I
kept a personal diary on important spiritual encounters. I feels that many of
the Quranic messages and Hadiths were addressing to my special needs.

What about my family, how will they react if I
became a muslim ? This fear have to be addressed properly. If you know they
love and trust you, they will sympathise with your choice of Islam. They need
some assurances. How will you cope with your muslims friends, your job and your
surrounding. Who will help you when in trouble ? A steady job will almost
assure them that you can survive on your own.Answer that you will continue to respect and help your father or mother.
Islam teaches all the good ethics as the chinese tradition requires. If you
read about Confucius, this is a strong point.

Feeling Safe

With so many chinese muslims today who openly doing
dakwah and speak on Islam, you will feel happy and very safe to be among them.
Macma as a jemaah give a big boosters. They are many knowledgable and committed
chinese muslims leaders ready to guide, teach, counsel and support us whenever
necessary. To find and win a new chinese muslim friends is a bonus. They are so
few of us around. Brotherhood is blessing of Allah. We need to be united by the
hearts and by our collective ibadah.

In those 20 years, I had been learning and
interacting with the jemaah of Abim, Tabligh, Arqam and many ulama or ustazs.
Until today, I still urge myself to attend kelas pengajian kitab / hadis and
tasawwuf or the sufic gatherings. Yes , almost three times per week.
Fisabilillah. Travelling for seeking the pleasure Allah. Sitting and
remembering Allah together with those blessed by Allah with greater taqwa and
adab. Today , the muslims have lost or abandoned this sufic way. They created
new organization or modernized islam which stressed on information rather than
transformation of the inward. The chinese classics gave emphasis on taking the
Way of the Sage/ Sheng Ren or the Superior Man / Chun Tzi. They are the people
blessed and guided by Heaven because they followed the principle of Tao. For
the muslims, this is the path of sufic masters who purify and elevate the
seekers. And make them free and firm on the Deen of Allah.

Embrace The Tiger

I quoted the
saying of I Ching : Embrace the tiger and return to the mountain. Embrace
Islam- the gift of Allah for us to recover to our adamic being / nature. Hui
jiao – the Way of Return to the ancient primodial teaching of Fitra and Tawhid.

Thanks and praise to Allah, now I am able to teach
and guide others to Islam after went through all the process of fear,
rejection, humility, learning, travel and meeting with all kind of muslims and
ulamak. I must thanks many of my teachers who taught me how to respect and love
Allah and His Rasul. Taqwa is nothing but adab-proper behaviour toward the
inward and outward Reality. Remember, we also have enemy the Shaytan who always
ready to whisper and suggest the sweet and wrong things for us to pursue. The
weapon against shaytan and nafs is zikrullah and to be a jemaah/ company of
mu’minin. Knowledge is a light / nur that will protect us from danger.

Knowledge and
Remembrance of Allah

Those who can read, please read a lot about the
various teachings of islam . surely you will find that vast literature exist.
Only a little scrunity at book shops will show you the right stuffs. But don’t
stop with books. You need real teachers or fellow seekers to make your journey
safe. Until now, I still spend 3 nights per week to attend class and gathering
of knowledge and also special night of zikir where we recite many wirid, doa,
Quran, salawat, qasidah/songs of praise and the sufic practices. I cannot bring
you to this unless you are ready and brave. Unless your 5 salat/prayers are
being fulfilled/performed then we can go further. Many people are afraid being
labelled as deviant/sesat/ tak betul when actually they do not have knowledge
about the vast tradition of Islam.

So like today, who can tell me what is the teaching
of tasawwsuf or sufism ? What are its aims and methods ? Who are the past
greater Masters and Guru / Shaykh in these matters ? Any standard reference
books on this sufic way ? Alhamdulillah, in Malaysia, I had been into these
various sufi groups . Some with pleasant encounter, some with sour results. Not
all people are aware of their own weaknesses. Without himma nothing will
benefit this people who is clouded by their own limited intellects.

Now
I want to give you a few precious doa or ayat Quran that I had memorized for
your amalan. This zikir/doa are my companion which I recite whenever free to
polish my heart, uplifting my awareness and asking Allah Taala for His vast
gifts upon this poor little seeker. I would to end with this beautiful doa’of
Prophet Yusuf alaihi salamfrom the
Quran:

Dear seekers and travellers,Alhamdulillah, thanks to Allah that had bestow us iman and let our islam grow stronger as we journey forward. To share more with my fellow readers especially those interested in understanding the comparative chinese islamic philosophy of tao, zen and i ching and doing da'wa to the chinese, japanese, korean etc, please visit my humble teahut blogs of New Chinese Muslim Homepage at http://abuzuhri.multiply.com and http://abuzuhri.blogspot.com.

Happy reading and put your little comments there. It is difficult today to find new birds of Maulana Rumi flying East and West, singing songs to calm the yearning hearts and find the sparks of love to understand life and our short sojourn here. Cai jian, warmest parting peace.

Let us say that Allah knew that a certain DISbeliever will become a Muislim one day. Then the logical thing for Allah is to NOT PUT A CURSE on that person. But that is not what I am learning from the Quran.

Here it is:

[2.88] And they say: Our hearts are covered. Nay, Allah has cursed them on account of their unbelief; so little it is that they believe.

[2.89] And when there came to them a Book from Allah verifying that which they have, and aforetime they used to pray for victory against those who disbelieve, but when there came to them (Prophet) that which they did not recognize, they disbelieved in him; so Allah's curse is on the nbelievers.

[2.161] Surely those who disbelieve and die while they are disbelievers, these it is on whom is the curse of Allah and the angels and men all;

Interesting,,,I have been to your website as suggested. I must share with you that I enjoy reading I-Ching too. Great wisdom's which shed the same core values as ISLAM. Beautiful and very lovely indeed. I am sure it will melt some 'harrdnut' shells into bits and pieces.

If it is possible for you to post and share with us about I-Ching wisdom's as I am sure many of us will enjoy it. Thanking you in advance....Cai jian

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