Little Bit Unmasked

Yesterday was my birthday.My mother gave me the best present, ever!She came over to give me the birthday stuffs of usual; a card, a gift certificate, and some much-needed new undies.Then, we ended up down stairs in my office chatting.That is when the Best Gift arrived.Through our little chat, the Little Bit was unmasked.I was telling mom how horrible I have been feeling, and in light of the Sunday Morning Message, I had realized that I was dealing with a great deal of anger.I thought I was angry at Abba for all this infertility mess and subsequent adoption madness.But, really, that wasn’t it at all.I guess I just assumed since that was the biggest thing happening in my life, that HAD to be the culprit.

Turns out the Little Bit was some serious pain from an unfortunate event over the holidays.Mark, his parents, and I traveled out west to see The Ohio State Buckeyes beat Notre Dame in the Fiesta Bowl.We spent a day in

Las Vegas

first.I had never been there and was very exciting about seeing the town.My brother is also stationed in the Air Force there, and we had plans to spend time with him.In what I had previously thought was a stroke of good luck, my dad and his wife were also going to be in

Las Vegas

at the same time.Well, long story short, it turned into a complete disaster.My brother, father, and I spent the morning together talking. I fell right back into my old role as Family Jester and moved through the awkward encounter with light and airy jest.After spending a few hours with my brother and father I was spent.As soon as I was back in the safety of the empty hotel room, I broke down.It was, in retrospect, a sincerely horrible experience.I won’t terrify you with the details, but just know that the things that were said, implied, and thought about me were quite painful.It never ceases to amaze me how much damage a family can inflict upon one another.

The long and short of it is, I just have not dealt with what I went through.After talking through it all with mom yesterday, I realized that I was listening to the lies.You see, I believe that Jesus IS the Way, the Truth, and the Light.I ask every day that I am blessed to have the strength to live in the Truth.I believe that there is ultimate Truth and that I can live in that Light.I also believe that there are many, many people, including my family members, that do not know the Truth and choose to live in their own imaginary reality.They live in the reality that they have conjured up through the years. They live in past hurts, holding onto the pain inflicted upon them. Sadly, I was broad-sided, and swept away back into a dysfunction that Abba has already saved me from.Sadly, I started to believe the lies and forget the Truth about who I am in Christ.I am a New Creature.I am loved.I am valued.I am Abba’s Child.

I am still working through this Little Bit, but I am so very, very grateful that Abba has graced me with a mother who is loving, patient, kind, and caring.She helped me to remember the Truth and gave me the best birthday present ever!