tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3072915507633426262018-03-06T10:40:40.013-07:00Adoption TruthTrue tales from a mother who lost and learned along the traumatic path of adoption.Cassihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00274531213087340905noreply@blogger.comBlogger159125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-307291550763342626.post-54894415627223656142015-09-27T20:42:00.000-06:002015-09-27T20:42:06.952-06:00Shout It Out<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-QKoYGuk69ds/VgikfD0ZzYI/AAAAAAAABMM/6mV1RrBwGOE/s1600/bigstock-Woman-Shouting-Or-Screaming-I-88765613.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="271" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-QKoYGuk69ds/VgikfD0ZzYI/AAAAAAAABMM/6mV1RrBwGOE/s320/bigstock-Woman-Shouting-Or-Screaming-I-88765613.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So, between taking my sweet Granddaughter to Disney World and getting into our family place at the lake, I’ve spent most of September barely on social media.&nbsp; I’d pick up a little bit here and there when I’d log in but not enough to know what was going on.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Seeing the tags for </span><a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/ShoutYourAdoption?src=hash" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>#shoutyouradoption</b></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> here and there had me curious, but not enough, I admit, to do further research into their meaning while I was away.&nbsp; It wasn’t until yesterday, when I finally got my computer all set back up and ventured back into social media that I realized the disgusting reality behind why the </span><a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/ShoutYourAdoption?src=hash" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>#shoutyouradoption</b></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> tags came into existence.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And my first thought was how heartbreaking and sad it was that our society so easily accepts, shares, and makes viral the clear message that a pregnant woman should be encouraged to keep her pregnancy so that she can carry a baby for nine months and then it give it up to someone else.&nbsp; This is seen as okay.&nbsp; A good solution to abortion.&nbsp; Just carry your pregnancy through, go through birth and then give your own child away to the many couples out there desperate to claim it as their own.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This is what we are.&nbsp; What we have been for so long.&nbsp; We don’t really want to help vulnerable, pregnant mothers or their unborn children.&nbsp; What we want is to force pregnancies so those couples willing and able to pay tens of thousands of dollars can claim the child they want.&nbsp; It’s about them.&nbsp; Their desires.&nbsp; It has nothing to do with any kind of true care or concern for the two other lives involved . . . the innocent baby and the mother.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Trying to protest otherwise.&nbsp; Attempting to make the claim about protecting “unborn babies” is nothing but a vague lie to cover the truth.&nbsp; Because if it truly had anything to do with caring about mothers and their babies, the solution would not be to force a pregnancy and then force a separation between them after birth.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And don’t fool yourself into believing it isn’t a forced separation.&nbsp; Don’t try quoting the same old, worn out and tired adoption industry script about how it’s about love and how so many selfless mothers out there “choose” to give up their babies to someone deemed “better” than them.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The fact of the matter is, it is VERY rare to find a mother who truly doesn’t want her own child.&nbsp; Doesn’t want to be bothered with raising and loving her own son or daughter.&nbsp; They aren’t choosing to give their babies away.&nbsp; Instead they are left feeling as if they have no other choice but to give their babies away.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because it’s the same circle, the same old excuses that keep this ridiculous argument about abortion . . . the desperate attempt to link it with adoption . . . going on year after year, decade after decade.&nbsp; It’s much easier for people to climb on their pedestals, shame and condemn women for unplanned pregnancies, throw adoption around as some kind of solution against abortion, than it is to actually be a part of offering of yourself in the form of help and support for mother and child.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As a society, we are more prone to want to wash our hands of any responsibility to actually helping those in need.&nbsp; When it comes to threatening our time, our pocketbook, we don’t want to be bothered.&nbsp; So when it comes to the perceived solution to abortion the simple answer is . . . force a woman to carry a pregnancy and then give her baby away after birth.&nbsp; That way, those who fought so hard against her choice of abortion don’t have to be burdened with any kind of responsibility to actually help mother and child once the baby is born.&nbsp; Instead they can just support a baby taken away from his mother, his father, his family, heritage, identity and not have to worry about another expectation of any kind of help and support.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And then we throw up our hands, shake our heads and try to figure out why all the judgment and shame, the expectation of a vulnerable mother to simply give away her baby, isn’t doing anything to make a difference.&nbsp; Why are women still terminating their pregnancies.&nbsp; Why won’t they listen to the same old drone.&nbsp; The same pretense of how abortion is supposedly “killing” babies while taking them away from their families and giving them away to strangers at birth is somehow “saving” them.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The fact is, there will never be change.&nbsp; Never any kind of good to come as long as we continue to see an unplanned pregnancy as a crisis and take the easiest route we can to “solve” such crisis.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The fact is, half of all pregnancies are unplanned.&nbsp; That IS NOT the crisis.&nbsp; It is the situations faced at the time of the unplanned pregnancy.&nbsp; For so many, it is a financial crisis.&nbsp; Whether it be having no means to provide a safe place to live.&nbsp; A way to afford even the simplest basics to survive.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For others it’s a lack of insurance.&nbsp; A solution to the medical bills that come with carrying a pregnancy to full term, giving birth – always with the risk of complications along the way which can take already outrageous bills into even higher levels.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And still for others, there is the fear of not being able to finish their education.&nbsp; Create any kind of solid future for their child.&nbsp; Or facing the reality that there is no way to raise a baby without having to work and having no clue how to afford good day care.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And then there are those who come from abusive relationships.&nbsp; Who face the terrifying reality that they don’t know how, or even if they can, protect their child from such situations.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">These examples, and more, create the crisis a woman more than likely is facing at the time she finds herself pregnant.&nbsp; But instead of addressing them, empowering and helping her have the strength and find the solutions to such crisis, so many choose to address only the pregnancy while actually, at the same time, judging and shaming a woman for her pregnancy in such situations.&nbsp; Using that as an excuse why not to give more.&nbsp; Do more.&nbsp; Provide whatever can be provided.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And then you see exactly what has been so clearly shown in this recent battle of the hashtags.&nbsp; No concern, care or even thought to truly helping a woman through her crisis while facing an unplanned pregnancy.&nbsp; Instead, just a solution that leaves little for others to worry about . . . just give your baby away . . . while guaranteeing the woman will continue to be in the exact same crisis after being forced to continue her pregnancy and then give up her baby. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And this is what we call saving.&nbsp; This is what we find acceptable as an answer to the </span><a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/ShoutYourAbortion?src=hash" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>#shoutyourabortion</b></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> tag.&nbsp; Nothing about help and care.&nbsp; Nothing about empowerment to work through and find solutions to the crisis that exists.&nbsp; Instead just shaming and judgment with the expectation to go through pregnancy, give birth and then give your child away to someone “better.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But, could you imagine the changes created if we actually cared more about mother and child.&nbsp; If we recognized and understood how important it is to help vulnerable mothers and babies in need.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Think of all the time, money and effort that goes into fighting against abortion, promoting adoption.&nbsp; Imagine what the very same could do if concentrated on actually helping a vulnerable, pregnant mother through whatever crisis she faced.&nbsp; Empowering and supporting her to find the solutions to carry her pregnancy full term, if she so chooses, and be given the comfort to know she can do it.&nbsp; Is the very best for her son or daughter.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Imagine if we cared as much about supporting organizations such as </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/adoptionSOS/timeline" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Saving Our Sisters</b></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> . . . which makes no profit and relies on the kindness, time, money and care of others to help and support vulnerable, pregnant mothers and their unborn children . . . as we do about the continued support for the multi-billion dollar adoption industry that profits off the separation of mother and child.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Imagine the world we could have if we, instead of judging and condemning women for unplanned pregnancies, made the conscious effort to simply support them.&nbsp; To give to them and their babies the love and care they deserve.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This same circle of fighting against abortion, of the ridiculous notion of throwing adoption up as some solution that simply isn’t there, hasn’t made a true difference and it never will.&nbsp; True change will come ONLY when we have a heart for vulnerable, pregnant mothers and their unborn children.&nbsp; When we change our thinking from believing it’s okay to take from those in need and provide children to those able to pay for them and instead realize every baby deserves every chance.&nbsp; Every bit of support and help to remain with their mothers, their fathers, their families.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When we realize it is not the unplanned pregnancy that is the crisis.&nbsp; That, from the very start, we show more compassion and care if we help a woman work through whatever crisis she is facing before ever attempting to throw adoption at her as some solution to abortion.&nbsp; That we realize how wrong and unfair it is to expect a woman to go through a pregnancy, give birth and then turn around and give her baby away because nobody every truly cared enough to first help her through the crisis she faced.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To claim you care is easy.&nbsp; To actually take the time, give the effort, to prove it is something completely different.&nbsp; It takes work.&nbsp; It takes sacrifice.&nbsp; It takes giving and love and a TRUE concern about what is best for a mother and baby.&nbsp; Not what will create the least amount of effort by claiming you care without having to do a damn thing to show it.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If we were a society that wanted to do something better, greater, than arguing, judging and proving our side was right, we wouldn’t have ever accepted </span><a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/ShoutYourAdoption?src=hash" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>#shoutyouradoption</b></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> as some kind of answer to the </span><a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/ShoutYourAbortion?src=hash" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>#shoutyourabortion</b></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">tags.&nbsp; Instead we would have been disgusted at such a thing and we would have turned around and fought again with tags that might look something like this . . . <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">#shoutfortheneedforhelpandsupport<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">#shoutforbetterresourcesforpregnantwomenfacingcrisis<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">#shoutforempoweringmothers<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">#shoutforallbabiesdeservesupportfortheirfamilies<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Unfortunately, I don’t see enough love in our society these days for any of these hashtags to ever be true.&nbsp; And so the circle will continue and we will, sadly, remain a society that believes it’s better to force a woman to continue a pregnancy with the expectation to give her baby away than it could ever be to actually help and support her to keep and raise her child.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because it’s not the mother and child who really matters.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div>Cassihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00274531213087340905noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-307291550763342626.post-39296293211855226372015-08-12T18:15:00.000-06:002015-08-12T18:15:20.455-06:00Hate In My Heart<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-h5sRJ28jfGw/VcvfQb1rbnI/AAAAAAAABLs/p0zeu8gaa7Y/s1600/bigstock-Words-of-hate-surrounded-by-la-61454288.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-h5sRJ28jfGw/VcvfQb1rbnI/AAAAAAAABLs/p0zeu8gaa7Y/s320/bigstock-Words-of-hate-surrounded-by-la-61454288.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have come to know so many First Moms in my years fighting for Adoption Reform, Adoptee Rights, and even Father’s rights.&nbsp; Some I consider my greatest friends. &nbsp;Wonderful allies in this knock-down, painful world of adoption and the fight to change it.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Then there are those who I often disagree with.&nbsp; Believe are playing right into the coercion and manipulation the adoption industry seeks.&nbsp; Pushing and encouraging more vulnerable, pregnant mothers into giving up their babies to make themselves feel better for their own experiences.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And though it’s no secret that I am often frustrated and angry with these First Moms, I also have an understanding, in my heart and mind, of what they have gone through.&nbsp; I know the counseling they’ve had.&nbsp; The messages they’ve received from society.&nbsp; I can understand, on a level, why they do what they do.&nbsp; Why it’s so important to them to push adoption as some wonderful thing that creates only happiness for everyone involved.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But, as I was reminded yesterday, there is yet another group of First Moms.&nbsp;&nbsp; Those I find myself having no care, concern or understanding for.&nbsp; Who push me beyond anger into hatred.&nbsp; Of who they are, what they have done to their children.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It struck me yesterday, just how differently I feel for these particular First Moms.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Though, for me, it was easy since I’m already in Colorado, so many traveled from all over to support </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/helpRobManzanares?fref=ts" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Rob Manzanares</b></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> in his years long fight for his sweet little girl . . . since before she was ever born.&nbsp; And in those hours I spent there at the courthouse, from the rally before to the actual hearing, I saw and witnessed so much love and pain mixed together in the faces of not only Rob, but the other fathers fighting for their children who had come to support one of their own.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I saw the bonds they formed from the heartache they shared.&nbsp; &nbsp;Realized, even more, the hell they live through every day they are denied their own children.&nbsp; Their flesh and blood.&nbsp; Theirs sons and daughters who they refuse to give up on, regardless of hard it becomes.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And to see how kind and caring Rob is. &nbsp;To hear in his voice how much he loves his daughter.&nbsp; To be witness to the pain that is with him every day.&nbsp; The loss he suffers.&nbsp; It truly is something that hits you so hard about the horror these fathers are forced to face for no other reason then they are being denied their rights to their children.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s something I can’t even imagine how they live through.&nbsp; How they face the next day.&nbsp; Keep going with such a terrible loss weighing them down.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But they do it.&nbsp; And not only do they do it, but they turn around and offer support and love to others who are facing the same struggles.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To see that . . . feel it . . . and then, for the first time, actually be in the physical presence of a First Mom who holds blame for creating such loss and heartache for a father and child, it was an experience I will never forget.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It made me realize, whether right or wrong, just how differently I feel toward First Moms who create such horrors for their children and the fathers fighting for them.&nbsp; How I can have love, or at least understanding for the majority of moms, regardless of agreements or disagreements.&nbsp; But also can actually have a hatred in my heart for a select few.&nbsp; For those who are a continuing part of denying their own child their right to be with their father.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As I walked by the First Mom in Rob’s case – the very one who used so much deception and lies to deny him the right to keep and raise his daughter – as I looked her in the eye, all I felt was contempt for this woman looking back at me.&nbsp; </span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I wanted to confront her.&nbsp; Tell her she was an insult to so many First Moms.&nbsp; An embarrassment to even be considered a part of us.&nbsp; I wanted to smack her.&nbsp; Shake her until she finally realized the hell she was responsible for.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And I wanted to demand she tell me why . . . </span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Why did she feel like she had a right to deny Rob and her daughter the chance to be together?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Why did she believe it was okay to use such outrageous deceit to make sure he was left with no choice but to face so many terrible years fighting for his little girl?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And why was she still a part of fighting him?&nbsp; Still having an active hand in hurting her daughter by doing all she still can to deny her a true and full relationship with her father?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">How could any mother be a part of causing such terrible harm to her own child?&nbsp; How could she continue to cause that harm, year after year?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’m not naïve.&nbsp; I’m not blind.&nbsp;&nbsp; I know how the industry works to deny a father his rights. &nbsp;I know what they encourage vulnerable, pregnant mothers to do in order to get around those pesky fathers who want to keep and raise their children.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I know the counseling is good and strong.&nbsp; I’ve been through it. &nbsp;Was caught under the weight of it for many years.&nbsp; Fathers are represented as unreliable.&nbsp; Unfit for their children.&nbsp; Scare tactics are used so vulnerable, pregnant mothers are left to feel as if they will never be able to count on the father.&nbsp; Suggestions are made so they view him as the one being selfish for even considering wanting to keep and raise his child.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I do get that.&nbsp;&nbsp; I also understand how some mothers are left to feel as if they not only have no choice but to give up their baby.&nbsp; But also have no choice but to fear the father being involved because of the suggested “bad things” that will happen.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But there are those situations where any understanding or care ends.&nbsp;&nbsp; Situations such as in Rob and his fight for his sweet daughter.&nbsp; Trent and his battle.&nbsp; </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/Standing-Our-Ground-for-Olivia-Rose-Owen/488788851217610?fref=ts" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Brandon</b></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> and his.&nbsp; And so many, MANY more.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because when a father is breaking himself, tearing himself apart as the fight continues.&nbsp; When he makes it clear, over and over again, he wants his child and the only response from the First Mom is “too bad” it takes it to another level all together.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s beyond the counseling one might have gotten.&nbsp; Beyond the fear of the father walking away.&nbsp;&nbsp; The belief that it was best to give up one’s baby.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s seeing the pain, the heartache you are causing (whether through coercion or not) and not giving one damn about it.&nbsp; It’s being a part of continuing the fight rather than joining it for your own child.&nbsp; It’s the horrible loss you are refusing to see or acknowledge you are causing your own child who has a father fighting for her.&nbsp; Wanting nothing more than to raise and love her.&nbsp; A right every child has!<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s sitting in a courtroom in downtown Denver, hearing the judges acknowledge the fraud you committed to steal a daughter from her fit and loving father and still fighting to justify the hell you created.&nbsp; It’s about refusing to help your own child but instead continuing to do all you can to deny her of so much.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">How can any mother be a witness to how hard a father is fighting for his child, look into the eyes of their own child, and still continue to fight against it?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">How can these mothers, any one of them, justify what they are a part of? &nbsp;How will they later explain it to their children that they were a part of them being kept from their own fathers who were fighting so hard for them.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">How will they ever be able to look in the eyes of their own son or daughter and say, “I denied you the right to be with your father.&nbsp; I fought for years to keep you apart because I believed I had more say and decided you should suffer the loss adoption brings rather than being spared such a loss by being raised and loved by your own flesh and blood?”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">How will they ever be able to make it right after all they have done?</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br /><!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></div>Cassihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00274531213087340905noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-307291550763342626.post-357611092577823262015-07-30T17:40:00.000-06:002015-07-30T18:49:46.921-06:00What The Camera Missed<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-bdhcVkedeXE/Vbq0hLF5QBI/AAAAAAAABLI/riZxYspd4Xc/s1600/bigstock-Old-Retro-Camera-On-Table--84248396.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-bdhcVkedeXE/Vbq0hLF5QBI/AAAAAAAABLI/riZxYspd4Xc/s320/bigstock-Old-Retro-Camera-On-Table--84248396.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">By this time, it’s very few who haven’t gotten more than their fair share of the </span><a href="http://abcnews.go.com/Lifestyle/adoptive-parents-meet-newborn-daughter/story?id=32709612" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>pictures</b></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> that have gone viral.&nbsp; Pictures that show the story of a desperate couple and their desire to adopt a newborn.&nbsp; Pictures that show their joy, their happiness at claiming the child they so desired.&nbsp; Pictures that, conveniently, leave out the mother of this child.&nbsp; The one who went through nine months loving and nurturing her little girl.&nbsp; Who gave birth only to face the terrible reality she would would now begin a new life of being without her own child.&nbsp; Her own flesh and blood.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Over the past few days, these pictures, the story of these adoptive parents, have been everywhere!&nbsp; And, as is the norm for our society, anything that mentions loss for the mother and/or the baby is met with anger and attacks.&nbsp; It’s not allowed.&nbsp; We all must be positive.&nbsp; We must celebrate with this couple and believe that this baby has just been saved from some terrible, tragic life and will forever be grateful for losing everything – her family, identity, heritage – in order to satisfy the desires of this couple seeking a third child to make their family complete.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s been disgusting.&nbsp; Painful.&nbsp; Heartbreaking for so many who live, every day, the terrible loss and pain that adoption causes.&nbsp; To see these pictures go viral.&nbsp; To see the ignorance.&nbsp; The refusal to give a damn about anything other than presenting adoption - - AGAIN - - as something that happens in a vacuum where only the adoptive parents and their joy and happiness exists.&nbsp; It’s just another, of many, hard hits that lets those who have lost so much – mothers and their babies – know that they really just don’t matter.&nbsp; That adoption isn’t about them.&nbsp; It’s about those who have the desire and ability to pay for the child they seek to make their lives complete.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So, it helped, today, to come across someone who had the amazing courage and talent to come up against this story.&nbsp; To offer something different – in the best of ways – than what is flooding the news stories and internet right now.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And, my hope is, this </span><a href="http://irishfirstmothers.blogspot.com/2015/07/adopting-baby-delivered-by-stork.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>story</b></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> will go viral as well.&nbsp; That there will be some chance, some hope, of others stepping back and realizing so much more than what they believe about adoption.&nbsp; That maybe, just maybe, a bit of satire – in the right place – will help, even just one, take the time to see more than what so many accept adoption as . . . </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A business providing children to those who pay for them.</span><br /><br /><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">***Here is the direct link to the post.&nbsp; And make sure you read all the way to the end and the notes that are there.&nbsp;&nbsp; They truly are the best part!***</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- </span><a href="http://irishfirstmothers.blogspot.com/2015/07/adopting-baby-delivered-by-stork.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Irish First Mothers: Adopting Couples New Baby Delivered by Miracle Stork</b></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> -</span><o:p></o:p><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>Cassihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00274531213087340905noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-307291550763342626.post-31699191812866605932015-07-23T14:06:00.000-06:002015-07-23T15:55:19.947-06:00The Popular Table<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-33QkpHRFD_s/VbFCvMYPbCI/AAAAAAAABKc/sVSw9CSGhok/s1600/bigstock-Sisters-twins-in-hipster-sun-g-86602712.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-33QkpHRFD_s/VbFCvMYPbCI/AAAAAAAABKc/sVSw9CSGhok/s320/bigstock-Sisters-twins-in-hipster-sun-g-86602712.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So . . . there are many reasons why I have been so neglectful here on my blog.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">One of the greatest ones is I’m finally giving myself permission to concentrate on my other writing without feeling guilty for doing so.&nbsp; I can still help.&nbsp; I can still support pregnant mothers in need.&nbsp; I can still be an advocate for adoption reform and adoptee rights.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But it’s okay, at this point in my life, to do that on a smaller scale so that I can concentrate on all I walked away from back when I faced some of the worst struggles in giving up my oldest son.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Another reason is . . . regardless of how many times there were the claims that the “new” First Moms would be happier and have better experiences . . . they are speaking out more and more.&nbsp; And their blogs are amazing.&nbsp; They have such powerful messages to tell.&nbsp; And because their experiences are so much closer to the “here and now” it’s easier to step back and know there are so many new, amazing voices carrying on the fight.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There is also another reason.&nbsp; It is that struggle of just wanting to be done with even trying to do anything to help what is now the new generation of pregnant moms.&nbsp; The ones who are so caught up in how “cool” it is to give up their babies, they just don’t really give a damn about anything else.<br /><br />It’s the new “popular girls” club.&nbsp; Give up your baby and you can come sit with us at the “popular” table where everybody loves you, praises you, and wants to be just like you.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And I, honestly, have just lost my patience with the mothers who have such a mindset.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Giving up your baby shouldn’t be cool.&nbsp; It shouldn’t be your chance at popularity. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It should not be your reason to create a </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/My-Journey-as-a-Birth-Mom/109773079355987?sk=timeline" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Facebook page</b></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> to brag about giving away your child.&nbsp; It shouldn’t be your “in” to be allowed in the popular groups.&nbsp; Your ego-boosting therapy to make you feel so good about yourself and so liked by everyone.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It should be painful.&nbsp; It should be heart-wrenching.&nbsp; It should be an experience that rips you apart.&nbsp; Leaves you aching for your child . . . your own flesh and blood . . . and wishing you could have done something, anything, to keep your baby.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And, honestly, I’m done with trying to nicely change the minds of these mothers.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because I know.&nbsp;&nbsp; I speak from experience.&nbsp; And there is nothing that can ever change the fact that my son deserved a mother strong enough and courageous enough to change her life for him.&nbsp;&nbsp; He deserved a mother like the ones helped and supported through </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/adoptionSOS/timeline" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Saving Our Sisters</b></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">.&nbsp; One who, like them, was brave enough to sacrifice everything I had to be the best mom I could to him rather than giving him away to somebody else to raise.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’d give anything to be like those moms.&nbsp; To fight for my baby.&nbsp; To realize a true mom gives all she can to save her child from any kind of pain and loss rather than giving them up to it.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And, in those personal feelings of mine, I’m realizing I’m losing more empathy for the mothers of today who are so eager and happy to give up their babies.&nbsp; Even knowing the coercion and manipulation they face.&nbsp; Even seeing, over and over again, how it is everywhere . . . give up your baby to a better life and you will be a hero.<br /><br />Social media has changed that for me.&nbsp; Because these mothers, who are on Facebook bragging about giving up their babies.&nbsp; Seeking the praise to make them feel so special for doing so.&nbsp; They are also the mothers who, because of social media, have what so many of us never did – the voices of Adoptees and First Moms who came before them.&nbsp; The resources offered to help and support them raise their babies.<br /><br />When I look back on my own experience. &nbsp;Remember back to that time in the hospital when all I wanted was to keep my son but still gave him up because I felt like a monster for hurting the feelings of his adoptive mom, I wish I’d had the internet then.&nbsp; Wish I’d known the feelings I was struggling with were the very ones the adoption industry was hoping I’d feel so I wouldn’t keep my baby.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I wish I’d had experiences to read that would have let me know that it was okay.&nbsp; I wasn’t a monster for wanting to keep my baby.&nbsp; That there were many other mothers who felt like I did.&nbsp; And it wasn’t only normal. &nbsp;But the very true feelings of any mother who has given birth and held their baby in their arms and felt that immediate bond with them.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I wish I’d had those voices letting me know just how coercive pre-birth matching was.&nbsp; Had been given strength from those who would actually help me and protect me in the hospital so I wouldn’t feel as if I was obligated to give my baby away.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And, above all, I wish I had the voices of the Adoptees.&nbsp; The very ones who speak up loud and clear to make it known that adoption isn’t roses and sunshine for so many of them.&nbsp; That they faced struggles and pain that are never shared with pregnant mothers considering adoption.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I know there are pregnant mothers who aren’t even thinking about searching out so-called support groups that will tell them over and over again how great they are for giving up their babies.&nbsp; Who, even with the wave of social media, are still so blind to the truth of adoption that it doesn’t even connect with them to search and see if there is anything else to learn about adoption because they fully trust those encouraging and counseling them to give up their babies.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And for those moms, my heart still aches.&nbsp; I think of </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/BringCamdenHome/timeline?ref=page_internal" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Carri</b></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">&nbsp;and </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/BringBabyElliottHome/timeline" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Kimberly</b></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> in that group.&nbsp; Given no knowledge, no encouragement to seek out more than what they were being told in order to get their babies from them.&nbsp; It never dawned on me or so many others mothers to seek any other truths.&nbsp; Not when those you trust, and believe are truly trying to help you, make sure you are never even aware of that “other” side of adoption. &nbsp;The truth of it that exists with just a few moments spent on social media.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And I understand and know how it would never dawn on them, either, to even think that the ones they were trusting were hiding so much more from them.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But there are so many more, so different from those mothers.&nbsp; And yes, I do get it.&nbsp; In the back of my mind, I know, have seen often, how the adoption industry has become even stronger on keeping these moms in the mind set of giving up their babies is the “cool” thing to do.&nbsp; I know they work hard to counter any other truths these moms might find through social media.&nbsp; Strengthening, more and more, their message of how “good” moms give up their babies and selfish moms fight and do all they can to keep them.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s the reason why disgusting sites as </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/JoinBraveLove/timeline" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>BraveLove</b></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> exist.&nbsp; It’s why so many from the adoption industry sponsor, or run themselves, the Birth Mom getaways created to praise mothers for giving away their babies.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">They know.&nbsp; They understand, better than anyone, the importance of creating the feeling that it’s a wonderful thing to do – giving up your baby.&nbsp; They love recruiting mothers who have already given up their babies to make those coming up behind them feel “popular” to join their group.&nbsp; They praise those who make their way into mainstream media to deliver the industry's message of how wonderful it is to give away your baby.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But I just can’t play their game anymore.&nbsp; I can’t try to be just as nice, just as understanding, on my end to help a mother see how important she is to her baby.&nbsp; How worthy her child is to be spared the loss of adoption.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’m just tired of it and can’t find that part of me as often as I used to that tries so hard to show them they can do it.&nbsp; Can be the very best for their babies.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Not when they are all about how cool and great they are.&nbsp; Not when they are bragging about giving up their baby.&nbsp; Attacking anyone who actually believes they are good enough and should be helped and supported to keep and raise their baby.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Instead I find myself responding to them in a much harsher reality.&nbsp; </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And that doesn’t help much when you are trying to help.&nbsp; Trying to have a blog that reaches out to and empathizes with mothers facing the struggles of an unexpected pregnancy.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But really.&nbsp; If you are on Facebook, seeking praise for giving up your baby, attacking anyone who believes you are good enough for your own baby, what kind of gentleness is their really worth offering.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The fact of the matter is, at that point, I might as well just speak the harsh truth that exists inside me as a mother who has been there and realized my son deserved me having the courage to change and make a better life for him. &nbsp;Rather than giving him away for others to take that responsibility.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because the fact is, for every mother bragging and so happy to give up her baby, there are the others who are brave and strong enough to realize their babies deserve so much more than that. &nbsp;Have the courage to fight back against the hardest of odds to become the very best they can for their own flesh and blood.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For every pregnant mother wanting others to praise her and tell her how great she is for giving away her baby, there is a </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/BringCamdenHome" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Carri</b></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">&nbsp;. . . a </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/BringBabyElliottHome" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Kimberly</b></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> . . . who face the worst attacks.&nbsp; Are judged, ridiculed and pulled apart by others.&nbsp; But they don’t let such hatred discourage them from fighting for their babies.&nbsp; From knowing they will give anything, do anything, to have them back with them where they belong.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I see courage every day in them, in the many mothers who reach out to </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/adoptionSOS" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Saving Our Sisters</b></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> for help.&nbsp; And watching them.&nbsp; Seeing what amazing mothers they are, shows me more and more how, really, I have nothing left in me to offer “kindness” to the others who have every chance and opportunity to find the same strength and courage to be the very best for their children but refuse it because they thrive on the praise they receive.&nbsp;&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because they want to be cool.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because they’d give up their baby for a place at the popular table.</span><o:p></o:p></div>Cassihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00274531213087340905noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-307291550763342626.post-76203358826874164642015-07-13T16:55:00.000-06:002015-07-13T19:51:24.300-06:00Coercion And Manipulation . . . Can't Fight That<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Xm9iyx4Qv3E/VaQ_LMeuMCI/AAAAAAAABJ8/Cv8RmKHG4PQ/s1600/iStock_000006084289Small.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Xm9iyx4Qv3E/VaQ_LMeuMCI/AAAAAAAABJ8/Cv8RmKHG4PQ/s320/iStock_000006084289Small.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Again, another fit, loving mother, </span><a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mirah-riben/wrongful-adoption-return-_b_7739426.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Kimberly Rossler</b></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">,&nbsp;is being forced to fight for her baby.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For Kimberly, she had decided before ever giving birth to keep her son.&nbsp; She took him home, raised loved and cared for him for three weeks before he was taken to satisfy the desires of the woman desperate to claim her son as her own.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There are&nbsp; many news stories, blog posts, out there that can give you Kimberly’s story and the horror that happened to her, and worst of all, her newborn son.&nbsp; With a visit to the Facebook page, </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/BringBabyElliottHome" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Bring Baby Elliott Home</b></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">, there is plenty of information on her case and how to help Kimberly in her fight for her baby.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As I’ve read through the many different comments on the stories being published and shared, there has been, yet again, a repeated theme in what some have had to say.&nbsp; It’s an anger, disgust, over vulnerable, pregnant mothers receiving &nbsp;expenses paid from those hoping to adopt her baby.&nbsp; And forming a relationship with them before ever giving birth only to “crush” their hopes when they then choose to keep their babies.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s sad to read, the anger being directed at the mother for practices the adoption industry insists on because they know and understand the coercive and manipulation nature of paying expenses to a mother in need.&nbsp; Encouraging her to form a tight bond with the couple so desperate to adopt her baby.<br /><br />The agencies, attorneys, facilitators, don’t push such practices for the benefit of the mother and her unborn child.&nbsp; They push it for their paying customers, the ones so desperately wanting to adopt a baby.&nbsp; They push it because they know the odds are better of a vulnerable, pregnant mother giving up her baby if she feels manipulated into feeling she owes the hopeful couple for the money they paid or is fearful to hurt their feelings after growing so close to them during her pregnancy.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For those of us in the world of adoption reform, we have repeated until we are blue in the face the risks and downfalls of pre-birth matching and paid expenses.&nbsp; We have made it clear that such practices need to be done away with, for both the protection of the pregnant mother, her unborn child AND the hopeful adoptive couple.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Those of us fighting for family prevention advise pregnant mothers seeking help and support not to accept money from anyone who benefits – through profits or a child – from them giving up their babies.&nbsp; We discourage them building a relationship with the hopeful couple before birth.&nbsp; We do this because we know and understand how such methods are full of coercion and manipulation.<br /><br />But, for as many times as I’ve heard them complain.&nbsp; For the comments that happen again and again, sharing disgust about a mother choosing to raise her baby after a hopeful couple&nbsp; paid so much&nbsp; money and was there for her during her pregnancy, I rarely ever come across hopeful adoptive parents or adoptive parents &nbsp;speaking up when it comes to fighting for the practice to end.&nbsp; They remain silent when it comes to fighting for change so such situations no longer occur.&nbsp; Instead, they move on and repeat the process with yet another vulnerable, pregnant mother . . . if they don’t become one of the “entitled” who believe they have a right to another woman’s child and fight her for him, as in Kimberly’s case.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">‘<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And the cycle continues.&nbsp; The complaints carry on.&nbsp; The comments of broken hearts and empty wallets litter news stories everywhere when it comes to the topic of adoption.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />Why is that?&nbsp; It’s the adoption industry, not the pregnant mothers, pushing so hard for such practices.&nbsp; So why not speak up.&nbsp; Why not join the voices of the rest of us and fight back with a clear message that such things need to end?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There is only one answer to that, coming back around and around again.&nbsp; Ending such coercive and manipulative practices will reduce the number of newborns available for adoption.&nbsp; Putting your voice to the fight is seen as a risk to everyone wanting a child to claim as their own.&nbsp; It’s more preferable to continue the coercion and manipulation then turn around and blame the mother for it than it is to do anything that might threaten the availability of adoptable infants.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And the paid expenses and pre-birth matching is just a part of it.&nbsp; One of the things that struck&nbsp; me hardest about Kimberly’s experience is the fact that she was actually counseled by a true, unbiased therapist rather than someone invested in convincing her to give up her baby . . . such as the options counseling agencies provide.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Kimberly’s therapist first worked on Kimberly herself before ever addressing the idea of giving her baby up for adoption.&nbsp; She was true and professional in the help she provided, understanding, as TRUE therapists do, that first Kimberly needed help to work first on herself and whatever obstacles she faced.&nbsp; She needed to be helped through whatever crisis she was facing and find a place where she felt confident in her ability and own self-worth.<br /><br />Only then did her therapist begin discussing the adoption with her.&nbsp; And, because Kimberly was first given the support and help to face her obstacles, to find her self-worth, she began to see and understand that she was good enough, worthy enough, for her own child. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It wasn’t months or years later, as happens with so many mothers, that she realized she could take care of her baby.&nbsp; It was before she ever gave birth, preventing yet another scenario you hear adoptive parents complain about . . . the mother who seems unable to deal with her emotions.&nbsp; Seems upset she gave her baby away.&nbsp; Isn’t falling perfectly into place as one who is grateful to them for raising her child but is instead questioning if she made the right choice<br /><br />But again, putting a voice to and fighting for vulnerable, pregnant mothers to receive the kind of true counseling Kimberly did from someone not invested in adoption but instead specializing in depression and helping their clients work through crisis situations, reduces even more the number of babies available to adopt.&nbsp; Because empowering and supporting the mothers drastically reduces the numbers of those who believe they aren’t good enough or worthy enough for their own child.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There is this ridiculous notion that pregnant mothers and their unborn children receive too many rights and that those desperate to adopt deserve more so that they can get their hands on the babies they desire.&nbsp; There is this belief, because of expenses paid, relationships built, mothers choosing to parent instead, that somehow those wanting to adopt are the ones who are losing out . . . at the expense of the mother and her child.<br /><br />I don’t agree with this in any way.&nbsp; I find such thoughts ridiculous since every child deserves to first have everything possible done to save them from unnecessary separation from their mothers, fathers, family.&nbsp; Every mother (and father) deserves to first be helped and supported in raising their children before ever being led to believe giving up their babies is the best thing.<br /><br />And honestly, what so many desperate couples are demanding is not an end to the coercive and manipulative practices of expenses paid and pre-birth matching so that a mother never feels as if she has no choice or is forced to give up her baby.&nbsp; They aren’t fighting for true, unbiased counseling so that a vulnerable mother never has her crisis situation used against her to convince her to give up her baby.&nbsp; But instead is truly helped and supported to be the best she can be and from there make the best choice she can.<br /><br />What they want, what they demand, is for even less protections for vulnerable, pregnant mothers and their unborn children.&nbsp; They want the coercion and manipulation to be even stronger so that if they pay the expenses, form a relationship and are promised a baby, then they will get that baby without a chance of the mother choosing to raise her own child instead.<br /><!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br /><!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">They want their own desires for a child protected by making sure mothers receive the options counseling designed and created to use their crisis against them to convince them to give up their babies rather than a true, professional therapist actually providing the help deserved.<br /><br />It’s not the coercion or manipulation they are against.&nbsp; Because getting rid of such practices would greatly reduce the babies they desire.&nbsp; It doesn’t matter how angry or frustrated they get.&nbsp; So many are not willing to put a voice to fight such things.<br /><br />Instead they want their voices to create a world in which horrors such as what Kimberly and her innocent son faced become the reality.&nbsp; They want to be able to take a child from a fit and loving mother if they paid the expenses, formed a relationship.&nbsp; They want to restrict them from true counseling so they are seen as the best choice for another woman’s child.<br /><br />They, just like the woman in Kimberly’s case, want to get their pay out for taking advantage of and using another’s suffering for their own gain.&nbsp; And, if they don’t get that, it will be the vulnerable, pregnant mothers they will direct their anger at rather than at the true evil . . . <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The adoption industry and the coercion and manipulation they survive on.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />***This post, of course, does not pertain to every hopeful adoptive parent or adoptive parent. &nbsp;I am honored, to know and have friendships with some wonderful adoptive parents who, themselves, face terrible attacks because of their belief and fight for change in the world of adoption.***</span><o:p></o:p></div>Cassihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00274531213087340905noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-307291550763342626.post-57340172051832165952015-04-09T20:51:00.000-06:002015-04-09T20:51:35.014-06:00Repeat After Me<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-n7sAx8Fe1T0/VSc5pC4lmTI/AAAAAAAABJc/iKDdK-uVmB4/s1600/bigstock-BLACK-FEMALE-PROFILE-SPEAKING-7796579.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-n7sAx8Fe1T0/VSc5pC4lmTI/AAAAAAAABJc/iKDdK-uVmB4/s1600/bigstock-BLACK-FEMALE-PROFILE-SPEAKING-7796579.jpg" height="320" width="307" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Okay, sit back, get comfortable, clear your throat and repeat after me . . . <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><i>The promise of Birth Mother privacy is a lie!</i></b><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Let’s say it one more time . . . <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><i>The promise of Birth Mother privacy is a lie!</i></b><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have yet, in the many years I’ve been a part of the fight for Adoptee Rights and Adoption Reform, come across a First (Birth) Mom who was promised privacy.&nbsp; And I have never seen a single piece of legal paper guaranteeing such a thing.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you are a First Mom who claims you were promised privacy, you are either lying or were lied to.&nbsp; It is just that simple.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To carry out a promise of privacy for First Moms it would mean our children’s original birth certificates would have to be sealed the moment we put pen to paper and sign the relinquishment papers.&nbsp; It would be based on our action of giving up our rights and nothing else.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But, not only does that not happen, but there is not a SINGLE law in the United States even allowing for that to happen.&nbsp; It just can’t be done.&nbsp; Not a single court in this country of ours would approve such a request regardless of any suggestion of promised privacy.&nbsp; They can’t because there is nothing that allows them too.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sealing away our children’s birth certificates rests solely on the actions of the couples petitioning to adopt our children.&nbsp; It’s done as part of their process, not ours.&nbsp; And has always been meant for their benefit.&nbsp; Not ours and definitely not our children.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It has been said over and over AND OVER again . . . the myth of Birth Mother privacy is nothing more than the Adoption Industry using us to fight against Adoptees being given their equal rights.&nbsp; They don’t give a damn about us.&nbsp; They don’t give a damn about our children.&nbsp; We are just their scapegoat.&nbsp; The easy targets they use as an excuse to deny Adoptees what the rest of us take for granted.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And, honestly, if you are a First Mom who has the warped belief that your desire for so-called privacy justifies your own child being denied their equal rights than you are the one with the problem, not your child.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And if you are a general part of society believing these lies, please know you are being played for a fool.&nbsp; The industry knows, for the most part, we are going to believe what we are told – especially if they add a little to tug on your heart-strings – rather than researching the truth for ourselves.&nbsp; But the truth doesn’t change, regardless of the pretty bow the industry might try putting on it . . . <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><i>The promise of Birth Mother privacy is a lie!</i></b><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s simple.&nbsp; It’s true.&nbsp; So let’s stop allowing it to be used as a reason to deny Adoptees their equal rights.</span><br /><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></div>Cassihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00274531213087340905noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-307291550763342626.post-23786203996231346402015-01-06T16:19:00.000-07:002015-01-06T16:19:53.252-07:00Scream Until It Hurts<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-b7l4a_YC0Kk/VKxnIB_hWVI/AAAAAAAABIw/Gujq9msvYAE/s1600/bigstock-Shout-7566387.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-b7l4a_YC0Kk/VKxnIB_hWVI/AAAAAAAABIw/Gujq9msvYAE/s1600/bigstock-Shout-7566387.jpg" height="228" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When my middle son was just a baby, I worked at a day care center that included infant care – it was all about the benefit of reduced child care costs and being able to work while still being near my baby.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">During my time there, I had an experience I will never forget.&nbsp; An experience that forever changed me.&nbsp; In the crib next to my son’s in the infant room was a baby boy named Garrett.&nbsp; One afternoon, during the routine checks of the sleeping babies, the two wonderful ladies who cared for the infants discovered Baby Garrett wasn’t breathing.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Those of us who knew CPR were hurried into the infant room.&nbsp; And there I was, knowing my own son slept in a crib just a few feet away, holding a limp, lifeless baby, desperately pumping air into his lungs.&nbsp; Praying with everything I had that he would just gasp, open his eyes, cough . . . all those miracle actions you always see in the movies . . . and come back to us.<br /><!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br /><!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Unfortunately, that never happened.&nbsp; It was determined that Baby Garrett died from SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) and there was nothing we could have done to save him.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That was almost twenty-five years ago and yet the fear of SIDS still stays with me.&nbsp; I’ve always been overly conscious of checking my babies, and now grandbabies, when they sleep.&nbsp; Even when they have slept through the night, I have never been able to since experiencing Baby Garrett’s death.&nbsp; I’ve always been up every few hours.&nbsp; Needing to check them, feel their tiny bodies for the breath pushing through their lungs.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It wasn’t even my own child that I lost, yet it changed me forever.&nbsp; And when I talk about my fear of SIDS there is always understanding.&nbsp; Nobody ever questions why it is I struggle with such a fear when my babies and grandbabies are so little.&nbsp; What I go through is normal.&nbsp; Accepted by everyone who knows.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A few weeks ago, my Grandson – my second grandchild – was born.&nbsp; And with the holidays and my middle son and his fiancé (my Grandson’s wonderful parents) in the process of moving into their new place, I’ve had an abundance of wonderful nights with them staying the night with us.&nbsp; And I’ve been up.&nbsp; I’ve checked.&nbsp; Always needing to make sure he’s okay.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s a fear I will always have.&nbsp; I know it.&nbsp; Accept it.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Just as I will always have the fear of losing a child/a grandchild to adoption.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Over twenty-seven years ago, when I gave up my oldest son for adoption, it was another experience that forever changed me.&nbsp; And that experience, that change, is so much deeper . . . so much greater . . . than anything I’ve felt for Baby Garrett’s death.<br /><!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br /><!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That loss WAS my own child.&nbsp; A piece of my own heart that will forever be broken.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Even the thought of going through that kind of loss again has the power to completely take over if I allow it.&nbsp; The fear of it has a hold on me that I know will never go away.&nbsp; It’s there even when I don’t fully realize the extent of how deeply it’s affecting me.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In the months before my Grandson’s birth, I struggled with anger whenever I attempted to write about or debate adoption.&nbsp; I tried many times to write a post for my blog but always gave up after everything I attempted to put to words came out in a fiery rant of disgust with no real message to be heard.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I couldn’t make sense of it.&nbsp; Things were good.&nbsp; My family was good.&nbsp; There were no triggers that I could put a finger on that would cause my anger.&nbsp; But it was there and it wasn’t going away.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It wasn’t until right before and after my Grandson’s birth that it began to make sense . . . <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It was the fear of losing a part of myself all over again to adoption.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Even though there was nothing outright to make me worry.&nbsp; Even with all the precautions I knew to take.&nbsp; That fear still hovered.&nbsp; Wearing on me even when I was unaware.&nbsp; Like a breath I was afraid to release until after my Grandson was born and happily sent home with his mom and dad.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Till I knew adoption would not be able to claim him and take him away from his family.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because, no matter how much I knew in my head, how many steps I took to do all I could to protect my son and my Grandson, there was always that knowledge that it could always come down to just one . . . <br /><br />One person having the nerve to suggest to my son’s fiancé that she wasn’t good enough.&nbsp; She was too young.&nbsp; Wasn’t married.&nbsp; Didn’t have a career.&nbsp; And so, if she truly loved her child she could prove that love by giving her baby away to a more “deserving” couple.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">After that there would be little hope.&nbsp; Even with doing all we could to protect my son’s rights as the father.&nbsp; Even knowing, supporting and loving his fiancé through her pregnancy.&nbsp; I know, have experienced, seen all too often, once the Adoption Industry gets its hands on a vulnerable mother and convinces her she is no good and should give her baby up, there is next to nothing that can be done to stop them.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Our government, our laws, our own society works in their favor, making it an almost impossible fight for the families who love and want their children/grandchildren.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And that’s where the anger came into play.&nbsp; Where it still sits today as I wrestle with the reality I know and see.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When it comes to my fear of SIDS, nobody questions it, doubts it.&nbsp; And everyone I have ever seen bring up such a reality fully supports any and all change that is needed to prevent more deaths.&nbsp; Nobody would dare suggest someone was wrong or just had a bad experience or needed to seek help if they spoke out about the many ways to help&nbsp; prevent SIDS from occurring.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Could you imagine anyone with common sense actually suggesting that I just had a “bad experience” or should seek help or realize how many babies don’t die from SIDS if I were to mention how important it is to put a baby to sleep on their back.&nbsp; To keep blankets, pillows, bumper pads away from their face.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I can’t imagine anyone suggesting I’m crazy or telling me I should “just be happy” about the fact that I held Baby Garrett in my arms and tried to bring him back to life after SIDS had already taken control.&nbsp; They wouldn’t be afraid that I was somehow making SIDS look bad or discouraging women from having children because of what I had to say to prevent such a tragedy from happening.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But put my even harsher, more personal and painful fear of losing a grandchild to adoption and everything changes.&nbsp; Doesn’t matter that I have also lived through that experience.&nbsp; Makes no difference that I have researched and learned all I possibly could about adoption just as I did about SIDS.&nbsp; When it comes to my fear that I could lose a part of my family to adoption many of the responses I get are so much different than anything I have ever, or would ever, receive about SIDS.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Not only is it assumed by many that I just had a bad experience.&nbsp; That I just need to seek help so I can be “happy” with my experience.&nbsp; That I’m just crazy and need to shut up before I scare couples away from adoption and vulnerable, pregnant mothers away from giving up their babies.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But many . . . so many . . . actually accept and even encourage the unethical, terrible practices that provide the greatest threat in unnecessarily separating my grandchildren from their family that wants and loves them.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The </span><a href="http://www.adoption-truth.com/2012/03/coercion-not-choice.html" target="_blank"><i><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Infant Adoption Awareness Training</span></i></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> is meant to teach those who come in to contact with pregnant mothers – such as nurses, counselors, etc – what to say to convince them that they are no good for their babies and adoption is the way to prove their love.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There is absolutely nothing, no protections in place, to keep a nurse, a doctor, a hospital social worker from approaching a pregnant mother and making the suggestion that she could give her child a better life by giving him up.&nbsp; With the NCFA-backed training so many of them receive, they know the right words to say, the points to push, the insecurities to expose until a vulnerable mother begins to believe them and truly believes her child would be better off if she gave him up for adoption.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And there are so many who support this.&nbsp; Think it’s a great thing.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Just as there are so many who believe a father should have no rights when it comes to his child.&nbsp; Who actually see nothing wrong in the deception and lies that keep them from having even the slightest chance to be a part of their lives. &nbsp;Who make excuses, find whatever weak reason they can to justify a desperate couple’s actions in fighting a fit and loving father for his own flesh and blood.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">How could I not be angry?&nbsp; How could I not finally hit that point where I want to scream until it hurts, punch until everything aches?&nbsp; I’ve already lived the hell adoption loss brought into my life.&nbsp; I’ve forced that hell on my oldest son who I gave up for adoption and my three younger children who I raised.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And yet, all I find, over and over again, in so many places, are those who want only to continue the very practices that threaten to take children away from their families.&nbsp; Who cares if nurses, doctors, counselors are trained in the best way to convince vulnerable mothers to give up their children?&nbsp; Who gives a damn if fathers are given no rights to their unborn children?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Too bad for your loss.&nbsp; Get over your crazy fears.&nbsp; Adoption is a wonderful thing and you must accept that.&nbsp; Who cares if you lost a son to the coercion and manipulation that is allowed and supported.&nbsp; Who gives a damn that you live with the fear of losing a grandchild to the very same tactics.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You just need to remember to think of all the poor, suffering infertile couples who deserve to be “gifted” a child of their own.&nbsp; You have to accept that the training that occurs is a good thing.&nbsp; It’s not coercion.&nbsp; It’s just helping vulnerable pregnant mothers see that they are no good for their children and understanding that they can prove their love by giving their babies away to a more deserving couple.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And if it threatens your family in any way.&nbsp; If there is nothing to protect the unnecessary loss of your grandchild . . . well . . . that’s really not all that important.&nbsp; Because think of all the pain infertility causes.&nbsp; Think of all those wonderful couples who are so much more deserving of a child.&nbsp; Think of everything else, everyone else (just as you were counseled to do when you were the vulnerable, pregnant mother) and realize you, your own flesh and blood, aren’t really all that important when it comes to the wants and needs of all those infertile couples, suffering so bad and so deserving of a baby . . . even if that baby happens to come from your own family.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Yeah.&nbsp; It’s anger.&nbsp; It’s frustration.&nbsp; It’s a constant hit to the gut.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because I’ve dealt with my own experience.&nbsp; Through counseling (yep, I actually have sought help and received it) I have the skills now to not let it affect me when others try to rewrite my experience of what happened to me, to my oldest son.&nbsp; I’m too far in.&nbsp; Too long in this fight against those who don’t want reform to let the same old tactics get to me.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But this is something new.&nbsp; This is hitting in an area I haven’t protected myself from.&nbsp; Because now I hear their voices and it’s not about my own experience that I can’t change or fighting for the vulnerable pregnant mothers who can so easily become victims to the adoption industry.<br /><br /><!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Now their words carry a darker, crueler tone to them.&nbsp; I hear in them the fuel to my fear.&nbsp; The total lack of care or concern for my own grandchildren.&nbsp; My own flesh and blood.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I hear again the same message I was once surrounded by . . . <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What you want, what you love, what is yours by flesh and blood doesn’t matter when it comes to the wants and desires of the infertile couples who deserve your child (now grandchild) to make them happy.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Nobody truly cares about the coercion or manipulation because your family isn’t worth being protected from that because you haven’t yet proven yourself as “good enough” to have the same sympathy or care from society that infertile couples are given.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I can lay out everything I did right, according to how I was counseled on who deserved a child.&nbsp; A marriage, career, stable income.&nbsp; Yes.&nbsp; I finally accomplished all that was made clear that I lacked and failed in being a mother to my own child.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But none of that matters.&nbsp; Because it still doesn’t make me, my family, worthy of protection.&nbsp; It still doesn’t get anyone to give a damn about the very real threats of coercion and manipulation, lack of rights for fathers, when it comes up against all those other couples that are somehow still better, more deserving of a child even at the cost of vulnerable parents, innocent children and their loving families.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My fear of SIDS has never come to reality just as my fear of losing my grandchildren have, thankfully, never come true.&nbsp; But that doesn’t mean the threats don’t exist.&nbsp; That the reality doesn’t still linger.&nbsp; If not for my family, for another.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For every time there is denial of protection for vulnerable, pregnant mothers.&nbsp; A refusal to give fathers equal rights to their children the message becomes loud and clear . . . our families are unimportant, matter very little when brought up with the wants and desires of infertile couples.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I hear that message now, louder than ever before.&nbsp; And my anger continues to build at the realization that nothing has really changed, no matter the life I’ve built, the family I’ve created.&nbsp; I still lose.&nbsp; My family still loses.&nbsp; Because we will never be viewed as the worthy ones when there are so many desperate couples out there who are “better” for no other reason than their desire for a child and their ability to pay for one.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In the eyes of so many, they win and who gives a damn about those who had to lose . . . they weren’t important anyway.</span><o:p></o:p></div>Cassihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00274531213087340905noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-307291550763342626.post-16588424296144438572014-09-23T06:13:00.000-06:002014-09-23T06:44:57.425-06:00A Day For Change<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2yltIIoofNU/VCD0DZS2GdI/AAAAAAAABIc/TabKh9gyavg/s1600/bigstock-An-image-of-a-nice-clock-with--42970756.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2yltIIoofNU/VCD0DZS2GdI/AAAAAAAABIc/TabKh9gyavg/s1600/bigstock-An-image-of-a-nice-clock-with--42970756.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There is a story I could write today.&nbsp; One that will never go away.&nbsp; Will always break my heart a little bit more when I think of it.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But after a lot of thought, I’ve decided to give this first year a moment of peace, for an innocent little girl and her natural family who lost so much more than anyone ever deserves.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I can’t, though, let this day go with complete silence.&nbsp; It holds too much pain.&nbsp; Too many reminders of the hard realities that are so much a part of what adoption has become in our country.&nbsp; Truths that so many still choose to ignore, dismiss or simply not care about it.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">How in the world can we continue to turn a blind eye to the pain and loss adoption has caused for so many?&nbsp; How can so many continue to bury their head in the sand, stick their fingers in their ears, so that they don’t have to face the dark truths staring them in the face?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s heartbreaking to know, to see the proof every day, that we, as a society, have accepted adoption as a business providing babies for paying clients.&nbsp; We celebrate a multi-billion dollar industry that places price tags on the heads of innocent children.&nbsp; That uses coercion, manipulation and fraud to obtain newborns from vulnerable, struggling, unknowing parents to increase the supply for the ever-growing demand.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We’ve come to accept that a child’s biological connections mean nothing.&nbsp; That growing up with those who look like you, act like you, share the same traits and talents as you are ridiculous myths that mean little when it comes to who society has decided is more “worthy” of a child.&nbsp; We don’t care about children losing their identity, their heritage, their DNA bond that makes them the unique human being they are.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Instead, we care more about weakening, dismissing such things so that we can justify children losing their families in order to satisfy the desires of the hopeful adoptive couples seeking a child to call their own.&nbsp; We place the importance of who should or should not parent on material factors rather than on the love and strength of family bonds.&nbsp; Of the biological connection that can never be repeated or replaced.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Our hearts and our concern go to those trying to adopt while turning a blind eye to the struggles of the families broken up so that an adoption can take place.&nbsp; Laws are encouraged and supported to make it easier for hopeful adoptive parents while denying more and more protections for families fighting to stay together.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We support, stand by the sides of those who take a child while knowing the father hasn’t agreed to give his child up for adoption then blame him, use any mistakes he might have made, as reason enough to force a child into an adoption that is not needed.&nbsp; All the while painting the desperate couple as the saints who took in a baby, loved and wanted by their natural family and, through their own selfish actions, became the only family he or she ever knew.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And we shrug and claim it’s acceptable for mothers to be pressured to sign away their rights to their children while still recovering from childbirth while, so often, under the influence of prescribed drugs then turn and attack them if they change their mind after all the trauma of birth and relinquishing has cleared.&nbsp; Foolishly expecting that a mother giving up her child should never have a chance to change her mind because of the loss it will cause that desperate couple waiting to claim her baby as their own.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s easy, I know, to attack, label, those who fight for change, for reform.&nbsp; When the talk goes against all the pretty pictures of desperate couples finally getting the child society has decided they “deserved” the anger bounces back to anyone who would even suggest that it’s not such a cheery story after all.&nbsp; That there is loss involved.&nbsp; Another family broken in the background.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Who wants to hear that when it takes so much less effort to accept that adoption is nothing but a wonderful, loving way for others to build the family they desire.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But the very real human beings that exist in the darker reality of adoption are worth our effort.&nbsp; Worth the voices who stand up for them.&nbsp; Who fight for their protection.&nbsp; It might not be a fight to provide children to those deemed deserving of them by our materialistic standards but it’s a fight that is still important.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s a fight for protection so vulnerable, pregnant mothers are not used in the worst of ways to provide babies for those who can pay for them.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s a fight for fathers who should have every right to their own children.&nbsp; Who should never have to battle strangers for their own sons and daughters.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And, most important, it’s a fight for the innocent children.&nbsp; For society to view them as worthy and important enough to be supported in their own natural families rather than viewing them as “gifts” or products to be sold in the multi-billion dollar adoption industry so that adults can have their desires satisfied.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I know, to some, it sounds harsh and cruel. &nbsp;But it is the reality of so many.&nbsp; The heartbreaking truth that can’t be ignored or forgotten.&nbsp; Especially not on days like today when so many remember the terrible heartbreak that took place a year ago.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And because that heartbreak was allowed to happen, we can’t give up.&nbsp; We can’t stop until adoption as it is practiced today is no longer accepted and encouraged.&nbsp; Until we care more about the pain and loss caused to innocent children and their families than we do the gain others receive from their terrible struggles.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So for today, for the tears already falling from the memories, there will be more fight for change, for support to reform adoption as we know it.&nbsp; To help those who still face their own terrible battles to save their families and spare their children from being forced into adoptions they don’t need . . . <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">***Trent Reicks – His fight for his daughter is in a desperate stage.&nbsp; Not only is he in need of funds to continue his fight, but the end looms dangerously in his future.&nbsp; His fight for his child has been an uphill battle.&nbsp; The woman wanting to claim his daughter as her own is also a Deputy Prosecuting Attorney and is proof that those in a position of power have no problem with denying fathers their rights to their own children.&nbsp; - - - - - </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/bringtrentsbabygirlhome" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Bring Ashlyn Reicks Home</b></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">. ***<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">***Carri Stearns – Her fight for her son is also in the desperate stage.&nbsp; Appeals have been filed but funds are still needed to continue forward.&nbsp; Going up against an adoption agency, Carri’s case is proof to just how far the industry will go to take advantage of a pregnant woman’s desperate situation, using coercion and pressure to get her to give up her baby.&nbsp; As of today, Adoption by Gentle Care is choosing to “punish” Carri for fighting to get her son back by leaving him in foster care rather than returning him to his family that loves and wants him. - - - - - </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/BringCamdenHome/timeline" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Bring Camden Home</b></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">. ***<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">***Rob Manzanares – Though he was able to successfully stop the adoption of his daughter after many years, he still is forced to continue his fight against the desperate couple who wanted her as their own. - - - - - </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/helpRobManzanares" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Bring Kaia Home Now</b></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">. ***<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">***Anthony Lingle – Another father who was able to successfully stop the adoption of his daughter and yet still is forced to continue his fight against the woman who wants to claim his little girl as her own. - - - - - </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/BringHaileyHome" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Bring Hailey Home</b></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">. ***<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">***Brandon Owen – Another soldier who fought for us and yet is being forced to fight for his own daughter. - - - - - </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/Standing-Our-Ground-for-Olivia-Rose-Owen/488788851217610?sk=timeline" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Standing Our Ground For Olivia Rose Owen</b></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">. ***<o:p></o:p></span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">***Doreen Bain - A grandmother fighting with her son for her&nbsp;granddaughter. &nbsp;Her son was&nbsp;never informed he had a baby on the way. &nbsp;It wasn't until weeks after birth that he was made aware that he had a daughter through the adoption agency's attorney. - - - - - </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/BringingHopeHome/" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Let's Bring Hope Home Now</b></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">. ***</span><br /><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And so many, many more. &nbsp;From </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/SONYA-IS-HOME/634232666614703?sk=timeline" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>John McCaul</b></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">, recently reunited with his daughter Sonya after eight years of fighting against her Foster Parents, Kim and Dave Hodgins, who did all they could, from the very beginning, to fight reunification.&nbsp; Even going so far as trying to adopt Sonya without the permission of DCS or her family. To Ana fighting for her son Veer after being lied to and pressured to sign relinquishment papers while heavily drugged and still recovering from childbirth.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">These heart-breaking stories&nbsp;aren't&nbsp;the exception.&nbsp; They represent the horrible truth of&nbsp;what we, as a society, allow by supporting the outrageous profits in adoption.&nbsp; The desperation of couples wanting to claim a child for their own needs.&nbsp; The lack of protections for vulnerable mothers, fathers and their children.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For every time we try to convince ourselves that the biological connection&nbsp;doesn't&nbsp;matter.&nbsp; That no harm can come from separating a child unnecessarily from&nbsp;their natural family.&nbsp; That it’s okay to turn a blind eye and deaf ear to the true tragedies that occur in the world of adoption, we accept and encourage such horrors to take place.</span><br /><!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And every time a child is forced into an adoption, forced to give up everything that is theirs by birth in order to satisfy the happiness of adults, we guarantee these stories, these fights, will continue to happen over and over again.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">None of this will stop.&nbsp; None of this will change until we begin to view adoption in a more realistic light.&nbsp; Until our concern rests first on the child and the importance of them remaining with their natural family, if at all possible, before it ever turns to the needs of hopeful adoptive couples.</span><br /><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Today, and every day, this is the reality of so many.&nbsp; It’s time to put an end to it and demand better . . . <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Demand change.</span><br /><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></div>Cassihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00274531213087340905noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-307291550763342626.post-43206044027140387062014-06-25T14:52:00.000-06:002014-06-25T14:52:43.281-06:00My Not So Perfect Life<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ItwBMogq1tI/U6szAv66wBI/AAAAAAAABII/ClbYkVMCg8w/s1600/bigstock-Nobody-s-Perfect-54104087.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ItwBMogq1tI/U6szAv66wBI/AAAAAAAABII/ClbYkVMCg8w/s1600/bigstock-Nobody-s-Perfect-54104087.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Did you know my family is crazy?&nbsp; We’re dysfunctional.&nbsp; We make huge mistakes.&nbsp; We can be irritating and annoying.&nbsp; And we are so far from perfect or anything close to it.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And yet, as one who was literally saved from becoming yet another “unplanned pregnancy” lost to adoption, I am so thankful for my family, all the good AND all the bad.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We had another big family wedding over the weekend.&nbsp; It was my cousin’s wedding on my maternal side and since my mother is one of seven siblings, I have an abundance of aunts and uncles and amazing cousins that flood such family events.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I used to take it for granted . . . the crazy, wonderful, irritating family I’d been blessed with.&nbsp; As a child, it was just my life.&nbsp; I didn’t know any different.&nbsp; Didn’t know any better to know different.&nbsp; I had absolutely no clue how close I came to being separated from my own family.&nbsp; Forced to suffer the loss of my heritage, my roots.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And then when I was just sixteen, pregnant and vulnerable with my oldest son, I went through the damaging “options” counseling provided by the multi-billion dollar adoption industry.&nbsp; Counseling created to destroy the importance of one’s natural family.&nbsp; To lead vulnerable, pregnant mothers into believing they and their family really mean nothing to the child they are carrying.&nbsp; Created so mothers caught in crisis situations while facing an unexpected pregnancy come to believe the problems and struggles they and their family have are terribly wrong and that there are better families, more deserving families, out there who are more worthy of their unborn child.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So I spent many, MANY, years taking my family for granted.&nbsp; Never truly understanding how blessed I was to be allowed to have them in my life.&nbsp; To have never known a life without them.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And, worst of all, I spent many years never realizing just how terrible of a loss I caused my oldest son when I gave him up for adoption.&nbsp; When I cruelly caused the very loss for him that I had been spared.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s times like this . . . my cousin’s wedding . . . when the reality of what I had that I denied my own child hits me the hardest.&nbsp; Because I’m there, he’s there, surrounded by all our family.&nbsp; And there is no denying that I was saved from losing everything I forced him to lose.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And there is nothing good in that.&nbsp; Nothing to be grateful for.&nbsp; Not a single moment to ever justify giving up my own child to a heart-breaking loss I was saved from.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Over forty years ago, my fate came so close to being one of terrible loss.&nbsp; My mom was a good Irish, Catholic teenager who became pregnant on the night of her Senior Prom.&nbsp; Her fate was set.&nbsp; Plans were being made.&nbsp; She was to be sent away to a Catholic Maternity Home where she would give birth, give up her child and then be sent home as if nothing had ever happened.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But I was lucky . . . so damn lucky.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My dad, a good Italian, Catholic boy, went to his dad (my amazing grandfather) and asked for help so he wouldn’t lose his child.&nbsp; And even though, as the father, he had no right to me, his own daughter (much like it is in today’s world when it comes to adoption) my&nbsp; maternal grandmother and my paternal grandfather planned, instead, a quick marriage between their daughter and son, saving me from being given away to strangers at the time of my birth.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Instead, there was a rushed wedding and a full-term yet “pre-mature” baby that came soon afterwards.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That was how my life started.&nbsp; I was an unborn child, considered nothing but a shameful pregnancy to be hidden away by my maternal grandparents so that my mere presence would not embarrass them.&nbsp; A baby born to a mother and father, never really in love and yet forced to marry because of my impending birth – the one act that saved me from becoming another child lost to adoption.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I was born to two teenagers just out of high school with no money, a scam of a marriage, no future and absolutely no idea how they were going to raise a child.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My dad was far from a faithful husband.&nbsp; My mom worked hard, long hours.&nbsp; There were fights that I remember hearing coming from their closed, bedroom door.&nbsp; Memories of my mom’s tears, my dad’s anger.&nbsp; And by my kindergarten year, they were separated and divorced just a year later.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There was nothing perfect about it.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And yet, none of that, absolutely none of it, could ever justify anyone believing that I somehow belonged with some strangers who society deemed as “better” than my own mom and dad.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because if there is one thing I have learned in this adoption journey of mine it is that the hard times, the dark, desperate times come and go but the parents, the family, you are born to, is forever.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sure, I could have been given away to the older, wealthier, happily married couple who was next on the list to get a baby.&nbsp; I could have known none of the struggles.&nbsp; Been shielded in some society-perceived vision of what was the “better” life for me.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But then I would have missed out on everything I had been blessed with by being allowed to stay with my natural family.&nbsp; My own heritage.&nbsp; My roots.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I would have never had the close, amazing relationship I have with my mom.&nbsp; My best friend.&nbsp; The one person who is so much like me that she understands me better than anyone.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I would have never become the one person in my dad’s life who knows exactly who he is and understands, when nobody else does, just how much sacrifice he has put into his long-time position as a police officer.&nbsp; Who shares a unique bond with him.&nbsp; Who, even with all the ups and downs we’ve gone through, knows him, understands him, in a way so many never can.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And even my other dad - - - step dad.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because even living through the struggles of being raised by young, teenage parents, going through divorce and remarriage, still doesn’t change my thankfulness that I wasn’t giving away to strangers to be adopted into a falsely-perceived “better” life.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If I hadn’t gone through that, I would have never known the love of my other dad.&nbsp; And boy did I give him a hard-time to even be my dad.&nbsp; I fought him at every turn.&nbsp; Tested him.&nbsp; Turned away from him.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But he was always just “there” through it all, loving and supporting me even as I fought him with every step.&nbsp; Again, it was far from perfect.&nbsp; But, boy, I love him, so much.&nbsp; And I can’t imagine the reality of how being given away for adoption would have stolen my chance to ever know him.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And there is even so much more . . . <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Memories of the little girl who hung out in dispatch at the police station, colored at the Chief’s desk, knew every cop in the (then) small town police department where my dad worked and, as a single dad, brought me with him to the station.&nbsp; Picked me up in his squad car for lunch with the officers he worked with.&nbsp; Gave me a childhood, surrounded by cops, police stations and the law that could never be replaced.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Or my mom who was always there.&nbsp; ALWAYS.&nbsp; If I hurt, she hurt.&nbsp; There was nothing more important to her than her own daughter.&nbsp; And I always knew that.&nbsp; Still know that.&nbsp; She built a wonderful, successful career for herself, against all those that said it wasn’t possible because she was a teen mom, and yet still never left me to face my troubles alone.&nbsp; Always supported me, guided me, helped me through whatever I faced in life.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And family.&nbsp; Crazy and irritating.&nbsp; Messed up and loving.&nbsp; Never perfect.&nbsp; But always mine.&nbsp; No matter what.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My maternal grandparents . . . so ready to have my mom give me away when I was the “shameful child” she was pregnant with . . . who spoiled and loved me.&nbsp; Who, after they moved away to Montana when I was only five, I continued to travel to and spend my summers with until my teenager years when I decided, because of a boy crush, to not continue the tradition.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And my Aunt Jack, only five years older than me, always treating me more like an annoying little sister than a niece when I was growing up.&nbsp; Our relationship is one that is so hard to describe because of the love, the closeness between us.&nbsp; I couldn’t imagine not having her as a phone call away.&nbsp; Always there.&nbsp; Always supporting.&nbsp; Always just my “Aunt Jack” no matter what.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And my Uncle Jerry, just a couple years older than my mom.&nbsp; So unique.&nbsp; So just him.&nbsp; All of us nieces and nephews are perfect in his eyes.&nbsp; We’re family and, to him, family means everything.&nbsp; And that’s all he needs.&nbsp; We’re his by blood so we are all special. &nbsp;All worthy of his praise.&nbsp; His constant bragging to everyone he knows.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I could go on and on . . . Two uncles, only eight and nine years older than me.&nbsp; Always protective.&nbsp; Always looking out for me.&nbsp; An Aunt, the oldest of all the siblings, with the kindest sweetest heart who we lost to cancer just a couple years ago.&nbsp; Amazing, wonderful cousins who I share so much in common with.&nbsp; Love like crazy.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">All of that I could have lost.&nbsp; Every one of those treasured memories of my family could have never been if the adoption industry had been given their way.&nbsp; If they had succeeded in making me unimportant to my own family so that I could be given away to another PAYING family which they would have profited off of.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am one who, in so many ways, shows the reality of what it is to be spared an unnecessary separation from her family.&nbsp; I’m one who realizes, after so many years in the reality of adoption, exactly what she was saved from.&nbsp; Who is thankful for it everyday.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And as a mother who learned too late the importance of family.&nbsp; Who suffered through the terrible, coercive counseling of the adoption industry.&nbsp; Who knows, first-hand, how vulnerable, pregnant mothers are led to believe they, and their families, aren’t good or worthy of their own children.&nbsp; How so many, for survival purposes, will hold on to that false reality just to stay sane, to spare themselves the horrible pain of facing the truth.&nbsp; I see that side so clearly as well when adoptees seek out their families.&nbsp; When they are turned away by their own flesh and blood or decide, themselves, to turn away from their original family.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I think of that.&nbsp; Especially when I’m surrounded by my far-from-perfect family.&nbsp; I think of how, being given up to what I had been told was a “better” life, I would have proclaimed how happy I was not to have to go through the hard times that were a part of my life growing up. How I would have so terribly judged my family by their failures without ever realizing all that was amazing about them.&nbsp; How I never would have known that one of the best parts of our family is that we know we all fail and we are there, every time, to support and love one another through whatever failure they might face.&nbsp; No matter how “bad” society might view it.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And when I’ve seen, over and over again, how deeply the loss caused by adoption changes those in a family.&nbsp; Closes them off to protect the hurt.&nbsp; Shields them behind the coercive beliefs fed by the adoption industry&nbsp; so that the true heartache doesn’t have a chance to break through.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What I know now, as a child saved from adoption, would be completely different than what I would have found had I been given away and forced to search for my natural family later in life.&nbsp; And yet, more than likely, I would have judged the life I “could have had” on the family I found after the loss of adoption and judged my fate based on that.&nbsp; Never having any idea of the true reality I was blessed with because I was spared such a terrible loss.&nbsp; My family was spared the loss.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Yet, none of that saved my oldest son.&nbsp; Where I was blessed with our wonderful family, he was denied in the worst of ways.&nbsp; Because I gave him up.&nbsp; Because there weren’t, even sixteen years later, protections for him, for me, to make sure unnecessary adoptions didn’t happen.&nbsp; To prohibit a multi-billion dollar industry from profiting off of taking innocent infants away from loving families to satisfy the desires of their paying customers.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It doesn’t take away from what I did.&nbsp; Doesn’t change the fact that although I wanted my son more than anything the minute he was born, it was his adoptive parent’s feelings I put before what I believed was best for my own child.&nbsp; That I walked into that hospital nursery, placed my own son in the arms of someone who was a complete stranger to him at that time and turned my back on him and walked away.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But, it also doesn’t take away from the fact that this sick acceptance and encouragement of an unregulated, industry that profits off of vulnerable, pregnant mothers giving up their children plays a large part in why my oldest son was forced to lose the family he had every right to, was worth being a part of just as I was.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When my mother was pregnant with me it was during the Baby Scoop Era when the adoption industry had the advantage of pregnant mothers truly having absolutely no choice.&nbsp; Sixteen years later, when I was pregnant with my oldest son, the industry could no longer take advantage of the terrible reality placed on pregnant mothers for so many years.&nbsp; But there were still so many desperate and willing to pay for a child that there was no push for them to do anything more than to change their ways so that they became even more coercive and manipulative to get those babies they wanted.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And those practices used against me are the same used against vulnerable, pregnant mothers today. &nbsp;Which is now why I face, after three generations, yet another risk of losing a member of my family to adoption.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I was saved from being given up for adoption, my oldest son was not, and now I continuously face the horrible reality that adoption could always cause another awful loss for my grandchildren.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">All these years, so much has changed, yet the reality of what adoption is, the terrible loss it can force on an innocent child, a family, is still just as real and threatening today as it was back when my mom was a pregnant teenager with me.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And it has nothing to do with what is best for a child.&nbsp; It’s about the thought of what would happen to those couples wanting a child if we were to actually, finally, demand protections for pregnant mothers and their unborn children.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because, honestly, what bad could come to any child if mothers were protected and given a right to true, unbiased counseling that centered on the crisis they were facing, and helping them work through that crisis, rather than using their vulnerable status to manipulate them into believing their only “choice” was to give up their baby?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">How would it damage an innocent baby if we, as society, demanded that more support and help was provided to supporting and helping mothers raise their children?&nbsp; Offering them the advantages of education, resources and support to better their lives so they can provide for their children.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And where, honestly, does it make it wrong, to make sure that fathers are given equal rights to their own children and a child’s natural family is allowed to be the first to raise one of their own over others who are strangers.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The only ones that suffer from such protections and support are those wanting – and willing to pay for - a baby for their own desires and the adoption industry that profits in the billions by taking the money from those seeking a child.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That is the reason why there were no protections for my mother, myself, and now, my own children.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I know the reality of being spared the terrible separation from my natural family.&nbsp; I know what it is like to grow up in a family that is far from perfect.&nbsp; To have a childhood with its ups and downs.&nbsp; To know struggles and hardships as I was growing up.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I would never trade any of that for being given away to strangers at the time of my birth.&nbsp; And it angers me that society actually supported different for me, for my life.&nbsp; That so many encouraged the twisted belief that I would have been better off with some older couple who had the money and careers to offer me a “better” life based solely on a material reality.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And I get even angrier to think that sixteen years later, society still didn’t give a damn about me or my unborn child.&nbsp;&nbsp; That they still held on to the belief that there was nothing that needed to be changed in the world of adoption.&nbsp; That I and my child weren’t worthy of protections when it came to the desires of the infertile couple that paid good money for the opportunity to have a child of their own.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And now here we are, twenty six years later, and I have to face the ugly fact that the adoption industry could still force the terrible loss of family on my own grandchildren as well because we still don’t have any protections in place that insure that no child is every taken from the adoption industry simply to satisfy the desires of their paying customers.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">All because society cares more about satisfying the desires of couples wanting a child more than anything else.&nbsp; Because they continue, after all these many, many years to turn a cold heart and blind eye to the true, terrible loss brought to innocent children and their vulnerable families when so many decades have been allowed to pass without any protections or support for them.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I was saved from adoption, my son was not, and I have lived and felt hard the truth of those realities.&nbsp; And what I know, from all of this, is I am so done with the excuses.&nbsp; I’m so done with the “I had a good experience so why should we care about protecting others” attitude.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’m done with those who try to rationalize denying pregnant mothers help and support to keep their babies.&nbsp; Denying them the true, unbiased counseling they deserve by those truly educated and trained to help them work through whatever crisis they are facing before ever suggesting such a permanent and desperate solution as giving up their own child.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’m so tired, after three generations of living with the true, painful reality of what adoption can bring, to see so many who justify – with whatever excuse they can find – why a father shouldn’t have rights to his own child.&nbsp; Why strangers are more worthy than he is.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And considering it was my own paternal grandfather who took the step to fight for and keep me because, to him, I was family, and it was just that simple of why I was worthy of fighting for, I’m disgusted by the many I see, over and over again, who claim that extended family don’t deserve to keep one of their own.&nbsp; That so many do all they can to make sure they have no rights when it comes to their own flesh and blood.&nbsp; That they will fight with all they have to try and prove that strangers are more worthy than those fighting for their own child/grandchild/niece/nephew/cousin.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Three generations, and more, of the acceptance and encouragement of adoption and the way it is practiced needs to stop.&nbsp; It’s long past time.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I know the loss adoption brings.&nbsp; I know the reality of being saved from that loss.&nbsp; And I know the worry of my family being forced to live through that loss.&nbsp; None of it is right.&nbsp; None of it is acceptable.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And none of it is about what is truly best for children.&nbsp;&nbsp;</span><o:p></o:p></div>Cassihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00274531213087340905noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-307291550763342626.post-62181892960401475722014-06-18T16:31:00.001-06:002014-06-18T16:31:45.422-06:00A Grandmother's Worry<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-TclbI8Gm8NI/U6IQ36Q3sQI/AAAAAAAABH8/xA49Wz6rRyM/s1600/baby.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-TclbI8Gm8NI/U6IQ36Q3sQI/AAAAAAAABH8/xA49Wz6rRyM/s1600/baby.jpg" height="235" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’m going to be a grandmother again.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This time through my middle son and his wonderful, long-time girlfriend.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s been almost three years now since I first became a grandmother and it’s hard to even find the words to describe what it’s like.&nbsp; I love every minute of it.&nbsp; I can’t get enough of watching her grow, become her own person with her own unique personality, while still seeing, recognizing, how much she is like her father, my youngest son, and her mother, my amazing daughter-in-law.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And as I enjoy the miracle of being a grandmother.&nbsp; The joy of expecting another wonderful little one into our family, there is, again, that constant knowledge that there are those out there who are so desperate for a baby, so certain they are worthy of one, that they wouldn’t think twice, if the chance presented them, to claim my own grandchild as their own.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Especially this time around since my middle son isn’t married.&nbsp; Since so many accept a disgusting, warped view that if a father isn’t married to the woman carrying his child he, somehow, doesn’t deserve the right to keep and raise his own flesh and blood.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To many, it doesn’t matter that my son is an amazing man.&nbsp; That he has, from the moment he learned of the pregnancy, been excited about having a child.&nbsp; That he’s supporting her in every way.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because, the sad fact is, what adoption has done to our society, already taints and labels my son.&nbsp; Already sets him up to be unworthy of his child, no matter his feelings or actions.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And worst of all, it places my grandchild, a part of me, part of my own child, at risk, with very little protections from being unnecessarily separated from their own family who loves and wants them.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As a mother of three sons and one daughter, it is absolutely terrifying to know that I can make sure my daughter is protected from the horrible coercion and manipulation of the adoption industry but feel entirely helpless when it comes to my own sons and their children.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have no doubt, if anybody ever tried suggesting to my daughter that she isn’t good enough for her own child, that she could only prove her love by giving her own son or daughter up for adoption, they’d . . . rightfully . . . earn a good, angry punch.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But my sons . . . I can do all I possibly can to protect them.&nbsp; I can make sure they aren’t naïve to the lies and deception of the adoption industry.&nbsp; That they know and understand the importance of recording every single little thing they do to prove they are supporting and wanting of their own child.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And yet, there is always that knowledge that it still isn’t enough to guarantee they will never lose a child to the multi-billion dollar adoption industry.&nbsp; To a couple so desperate for a child they have no problem taking one from a father, a family, that loves and wants them.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I absolutely love and adore my middle son’s girlfriend, the mother to my second grandchild.&nbsp; But I also know the coercive message that the adoption industry has flooded into our society.&nbsp; I know how self-doubt and insecurities can be preyed upon.&nbsp; How outside influences can go far in taking a mother and twisting her around until she believes she is unworthy of her own child and can only prove her love by giving her own flesh and blood away to someone more deserving.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And worst of all, I know that no matter what my son does now during the pregnancy, if the worst were to happen and my grandchild was given up for adoption, it would fall on his shoulders to fight for his own child.&nbsp; It wouldn’t matter if he did everything right.&nbsp; That it was his own son or daughter.&nbsp; His own flesh and blood that he wanted and loved from the start.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">All it would take is one instant in time for his child, my grandchild, to be placed in the arms of a couple desperate enough to believe they have more of a right to his son or daughter than he has, for it to become the same old, disgusting assault against fathers and biological families.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The same attacks.&nbsp; The same desperate fight to discredit a father wanting and loving his own child just to satisfy the selfish desires of strangers.&nbsp; Nobody would care about the lies.&nbsp; The deception that took place to rip my grandchild from the arms of his father.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Instead they would have no problem crucifying my son, our entire family, because we dared to want a part of us. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And they would be supported in doing so.&nbsp; Encouraged to lie and deceive as long as it gained some desperate couple the child they desired.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It angers me and frightens me in so many ways.&nbsp; And it creates a deeper hate for the darker truths of adoption, and those that blindly support it, than I’ve ever known.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because when you know and accept that you can’t change what happened to you personally.&nbsp; When you choose to use your voice, your experience, to try and protect the vulnerable mothers and their unborn children that come after you, there is a realization that you can’t save them all.&nbsp; That the power and greed of the adoption industry is a beast to fight against and the best you can hope for is to reach even just one.&nbsp; To spare that one mother and her child from the hell of a lifetime of grief and loss.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But to have gone through the coercion and manipulation of the adoption industry.&nbsp; To see, every day, the pain it has caused your family and yet feel helpless to make sure adoption is never again allowed to harm those you love, changes it all.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And I’m struggling now to even explain it to where it makes sense . . . <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For many years I have fought for family preservation.&nbsp; Believed I could speak up and do what I could to protect vulnerable pregnant mothers from the coercion and manipulation of the multi-billion dollar adoption industry.&nbsp; Children from being unnecessarily separated from their families.&nbsp; Adoptees given their equal rights that the rest of us take for granted.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In that fight there have been so many times when I’ve felt liked I’ve been pierced right through the heart by some of the cold, self-entitled ways of others.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; That my belief in the basic good of society has been tested.&nbsp; My hold on my religion destroyed to where I haven’t stepped foot inside a church since 2006.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There have been times I have sat in my office and just cried uncontrollably.&nbsp; Others when I have cursed and ranted and raved with so much anger and frustration.&nbsp; And other times when I’ve simply had to walk away for a time because it was just too much.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And yet none of those experiences, emotions, situations, compares to what it is like now.&nbsp; To the anger and fear that comes from knowing the very real risks adoption presents in tearing apart my family and seeing, over and over again, those so desperate for a child or the need to justify their own adoption, they support and encourage the very actions that could again bring the terrible loss of adoption to those I love the most.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As a mother, grandmother, I need to protect my family.&nbsp; Keep them together.&nbsp; Keep them strong.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But, after years in the fight for family preservation and adoption reform, I have seen, all too clearly, the reality of how many are actually out there fighting against that.&nbsp; Believing in the unnecessary separation of a child from his or her own family.&nbsp; Using whatever excuse they can to justify such actions as long as it gives them the child they deserve.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I not only know those risks exist, I also have had to come to the terrible reality that I’m unable to fully protect my family from them.&nbsp; That so many actually blindly support an industry, a business in so many ways, that has no problem bringing those risks to reality for my family.&nbsp; That there are actually those out there, so desperate for a child of their own, that they won’t give a damn about the damage, pain and loss they would cause my grandchild, my son, my entire family.</span><br /><!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And that is a hell I so wish I didn’t know was a reality for so many.&nbsp; A reality I can never truly protect my own children, grandchildren from.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It changes everything.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Every time I see those sappy, sweet posts about how loving it is to give up a child for adoption.&nbsp; Hear a desperate couple claim how they wish more mothers would realize how wonderful adoption is and give up their own children, it’s a constant reminder that there are those who would take advantage of my son, his girlfriend and my unborn grandchild simply to satisfy their own desires.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When I hear the attacks and insults against fathers.&nbsp; Witness how businesses such as the PR firm </span><a href="http://www.trio-solutions.com/" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>Trio Solutions</b></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> can use their anti-biological family/anti-father/anti-ICWA beliefs to create a mob like mentality of hatred against those fighting so they don’t lose their own family to adoption, I’m again slapped with the hard fact that no matter how hard I fight.&nbsp; How much I speak out.&nbsp; I will never fully be able to guarantee that my family never again suffers through the horrible loss of adoption.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And that knowledge, that realization, is almost more than I can handle.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because there is nobody, absolutely nobody, who is better, more worthy, or more deserving of my own flesh and blood.&nbsp; There is not a single person in this world that exists that would justify putting my own grandchild through the terrible loss of their own family just so they can have their own desires satisfied.&nbsp; Rip from my children their own child for another’s gain.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To know, to see, over and over and over again, so many who believe otherwise.&nbsp; Who have no problem in tearing innocent children away from their families.&nbsp; Support, encourage, such actions, no matter the coercion or deception involved, creates an anger unlike anything I’ve known in all these years I’ve been a part of the fight for family preservation, adoption reform.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And the more I see the continued distorted message of adoption pushed into our society. &nbsp;The biased views of who is worthy or not worthy of a child.&nbsp; The blind support of destroying natural families so an adoptive family can be built, the more I want to scream and rage at how wrong it is.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Those like </span><a href="http://www.trio-solutions.com/" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>Trio Solutions</b></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">.&nbsp; Those like the families who have gone so far, fought so hard, to unnecessarily separate a child from his or her own family so that they can have their own wants satisfied, bring about a new evil that no family should have to face.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And yet it’s there.&nbsp; And it doesn’t matter how hard we fight.&nbsp; How we use our voices.&nbsp; Our children/grandchildren can still be taken from us, forever separated from their family.&nbsp; All so others can gain and profit while we lose in the absolute worst of ways.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That is the dark truth of so much of what adoption has become.&nbsp; It is a profit driven industry based on making the paying clients happy while doing all that can be done to do away with any pesky family members who might actually dare to believe their own child/grandchild deserves to remain within his or her own family.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have no patience, no understanding, for anyone who supports such practices.&nbsp; I don’t care the excuses they use.&nbsp; The desperate justifications they come to in hopes of somehow making it okay to rip a child away from the family that loves and wants them.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Nobody, absolutely nobody, is so important that they have the right to be part of destroying a family for their own selfish desires.&nbsp; If a child is wanted and loved by their family then that child IS NOT yours and does not belong with you.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That is just plain, simple, honest truth.</span><o:p></o:p></div>Cassihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00274531213087340905noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-307291550763342626.post-56784121105880120882014-05-13T19:04:00.000-06:002014-05-13T22:32:47.094-06:00I Love Being A Fertile Woman<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-B3GCby4Df7k/U3K5Hwr2TCI/AAAAAAAABHk/tmwf24r8nTg/s1600/IHeartFertility.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-B3GCby4Df7k/U3K5Hwr2TCI/AAAAAAAABHk/tmwf24r8nTg/s1600/IHeartFertility.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For over a decade now, my wonderful husband and I – and sometimes our wonderful kids – make a yearly visit to New Orleans.&nbsp; The only year we missed was the year of Katrina.&nbsp; But we were back the very next year, loving our favorite place even during its struggle to come back to life after such horror and heart ache.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This year, our trip isn’t planned till October.&nbsp; And after coming across a post on the&nbsp;</span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/Adoption/timeline" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I Love Adoption / Adoption.com Facebook page</b></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">, I am so thankful we planned for later this year.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Apparently, the </span><a href="http://www.adoptionattorneys.org/aaaa-page/home" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>American Academy of Adoption Attorneys</b></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> held their conference just a week or so ago in my beloved New Orleans.&nbsp; Just knowing that, I would have been fine if our yearly trip had coincided with their conference.&nbsp; I have, after all, become very good at knowing who and what to avoid.&nbsp; And New Orleans, the French Quarter, is a busy place, with lots going on, so I could have easily enjoyed myself without much thought to what else was happening within the city I loved so much.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But, the </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=627714077323549&amp;set=a.435473416547617.1073741828.435278349900457&amp;type=1&amp;relevant_count=1" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>post</b></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> I came across, proudly boasted how those in attendance of the conference were roaming the streets in the French Quarter wearing their “I Love Adoption” t-shirts for all to see.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Yeah . . . that would have done it.&nbsp; To be away, in my favorite place, relaxing with my wonderful husband, and seeing those shirts, over and over again, within the French Quarter, would have taken one of my favorite getaways and turned it into pure hell.&nbsp; As I told my husband, at that point, I likely would have hidden away in our hotel room with my favorite Po-Boys and Hurricanes, never daring to venture out again.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And, yeah, I know, there is this whole large group of individuals who do love adoption and can’t, for the life of them, understand how simply wearing such t-shirts could affect me, or anyone, for that matter.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I mean, really, adoption is wonderful, isn’t it.&nbsp; Just look at how many infertile couples were given the chance at a family because of it.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">How could anyone even suggest that seeing such shirts would have any kind of negative affect on them?&nbsp; Hurt them in any way?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And, really, why should they care anyhow, if wearing such shirts causes any kind of pain for anyone.&nbsp; For them, they love adoption and should have every right to let the world know that they do and just how wonderfully they have benefited because of it.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But, I can’t help but wonder, these same people who would wear such shirts without even thinking a second about the affect it would have on the many who have suffered such a terrible loss because of adoption, how would they feel if a large group went out and about wearing shirts with our own proud statement . . . <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“I Love Being A Fertile Woman.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I mean, after all, fertility has been absolutely wonderful to me, and so many others.&nbsp; It has provided me with four, amazing children.&nbsp; Given me an incredible family that I am so proud of and know I wouldn’t have if it weren’t for the fact that I was able to conceive, be pregnant with and give birth to three terrific sons and one loving daughter.&nbsp; All my own.&nbsp; All a part of me in every way.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So why should I care or have any kind of concern if others have suffered any kind of pain because of their struggles with fertility.&nbsp; Why should I be aware that to flagrantly boast about how wonderful fertility has been to me and my family without giving a thought to those who have been hurt by it, can cause so much pain and grief that I can never possibly understand within my own experience.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s not my concern.&nbsp; It’s not my fault if there are a bunch of angry, bitter women out there who had bad experiences and just want to make everyone miserable for what they went through. &nbsp;&nbsp;Who can’t just understand and get over their little problems so that I can brag as much as I want about how wonderful it is to be fertile and give birth to my own children.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I mean . . . really.&nbsp; I, and every other fertile woman, has every right to flaunt and boast about how wonderful fertility is.&nbsp; And how much our lives have been blessed because of it.&nbsp; Why should any of us give a damn about how our actions might further hurt those who are already struggling.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And if I wanted to go around wearing an “I Love Being A Fertile Woman” shirt, I should be respected and applauded for doing so.&nbsp; I should not have to worry about or even be concerned about how my “simple” shirt, stating my own personal happiness, could hurt anyone else.</span><br /><!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I mean, really . . . they can just get over it!<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It is, isn’t it, self-entitlement at its best . . . <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I gained, I profited, so I have every right to boast and carry on about it.&nbsp; Why should I have to be concerned about how my actions might affect those who have been hurt by the very same action.&nbsp; That’s not fair.&nbsp; It’s not right . . .<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><b>Damnit!&nbsp; I love adoption and I shouldn't have to care about the feelings of anyone else.<o:p></o:p></b></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And you know, there are very few realities, outside adoption, where such a selfish sentiment is not only accepted but encouraged.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If I were to actually wear such a shirt, boast and brag about how wonderful fertility was and how much I had gained from it, while quickly shoving aside and dismissing the feelings of those who had spent so much time struggling with fertility and had suffered terrible loss because of it, I would definitely have a backlash to face.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’d be labeled insensitive, uncaring.&nbsp; I would face a lot of opposition.&nbsp; An army of angry voices letting me know to flaunt such a thing that has caused so many others such terrible harm is wrong . . . cruel.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Ahhh . . . but when it comes to adoption, there’s no thought of that.&nbsp;&nbsp; Go out, wear those t-shirts, create that pain for those who have lost.&nbsp; Who really cares.&nbsp; Who gives a damn.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Adoption gave you a family.&nbsp; Adoption fulfilled your desires.&nbsp; Celebrate it.&nbsp; Flaunt it.&nbsp; Brag about it.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I mean, really . . . what harm can it do? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Except remind so many, reopen so many wounds, of those who have suffered such terrible losses because of adoption.&nbsp; Who see such shirts and feel sick to their stomach.&nbsp;&nbsp; Experience that sharp pain, that grief, that only a select few can ever understand.&nbsp; Reminding them, in such a horrid way, that others are out there, celebrating, boasting about how much they gained at the terrible loss of others.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I understand, completely, loving our children and forever being thankful for them coming into our lives.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But I don’t get, and I will never understand, how so many . . . who have already suffered the terrible grief of infertility . . . can so boldly, without a damn care, believe they have some magical right.&nbsp; Some special justification that insures that they can shove how much they love adoption in everyone’s face without ever having to be bothered about caring how such actions hurts so many others who are suffering their own terrible grief as well.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As much as I brought up the suggestion of the “I Love Being A Fertile Woman” shirts, I would never wear such a thing, never think to say such a thing with the awareness of how much pain it could possibly cause those who have suffered through infertility.&nbsp; Who have lived through that grief and know a pain unlike what I know because I have never experienced it.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And part of my understanding such a loss is my own experience with living through the hell that was my own loss I experienced through giving my oldest son up for adoption.&nbsp; No, I don’t know what it’s like to struggle with infertility.&nbsp; But I sure as hell understand that there are some losses that affect us, hurt us, on a level deeper than anyone can imagine.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But I will never understand . . . will never be able to come to terms with . . . how so many who have suffered the terrible loss of infertility really just don’t give a damn about the losses caused through adoption.&nbsp; How some can be so accepting of being a part of causing those very losses in so many situations.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I don’t care if you are fertile or infertile. I don’t care if society views you as better than or less than.&nbsp; Pain and loss is pain and loss.&nbsp; And nobody, ABSOLUTELY NOBODY, has the right to so callously flaunt their gain without giving a damn to how such a gain has caused so many others such a terrible loss.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Especially those who have already survived through their own personal loss.&nbsp; How do you dare?&nbsp; How do you find the right to so blatantly, so heartlessly, carry on about your gain while not giving a damn about the loss of others.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">How do you go through such hell and come out so self-entitled that you see nothing wrong with your absolute ignorance and dismissal to another’s terrible loss?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">How do you live with that?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">How do you justify it?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br /><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div>Cassihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00274531213087340905noreply@blogger.com26tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-307291550763342626.post-19208745466423217712014-04-15T17:24:00.000-06:002014-04-15T17:24:50.583-06:00Heidi Russo . . . You STILL Don't Speak For Me<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-TUXVESGYogw/U028PQSYSUI/AAAAAAAABHE/95TZ1c-SUYU/s1600/bigstock-young-business-woman-holding-h-38618086.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-TUXVESGYogw/U028PQSYSUI/AAAAAAAABHE/95TZ1c-SUYU/s1600/bigstock-young-business-woman-holding-h-38618086.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">---“<i>To blame others for your decision to PLACE your child for adoption, not GIVE UP, is such a lack of accountability and responsibility. Own your decisions, the pain, the tears, the heartache, the worry, the unknown, the lifelong journey and the beauty that follows the ashes. I don't speak for everyone, I speak of my own journey. I speak of walking arm in arm with other birthmoms, adoptive moms and adoptees as we walk through the fear that has separated us for decades. I speak of raising birthmoms from a place of shame to a place of honor where they can hold their heads high and be proud of their decision to choose life. I speak of helping birthmoms realize their value in the three strand cord.<o:p></o:p></i></span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>There was no "coercion", "brain washing". I did things my way, despite how much more difficult it made my choice, it was how I decided, on my terms, my way. I placed Colin in the best possible situation for his life, not mine. Choosing life is a blessing and I stand by that choice. At such a young age we are not ready to be parents and moms when we don't even know who we are or where we are going in life. Our children deserve better and I'm so blessed I found the Kaepernicks and Colin has the life he does. And I will continue to honor, support, love and walk with as many birthmoms as I can and do all I can to help change the stereotypes and stigmas of birthmoms</i>.”---<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Ironic, isn’t it, on my post </span><a href="http://www.adoption-truth.com/2014/02/heidi-russo-you-dont-speak-for-me.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><b>“Heidi Russo . . . You Don’t Speak For Me”</b></i></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Heidi, herself, leaves a response that in her very first sentence has her attempting to speak for me, instructing me to use the coercive language of the adoption industry . . . something I absolutely refuse to do. &nbsp;&nbsp;<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Except, </span><a href="https://plus.google.com/110126994765918046300/posts" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><i>Dear Heidi</i></b></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">, what you fail to realize in your claim that I have a lack of accountability and responsibility, is that I do just that when I say and believe I gave up my son.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because that is exactly what I did and I take full accountability and responsibility for it.&nbsp; I gave him away.&nbsp; I took from him the family he had every right to.&nbsp; I denied him his own mother who he knew by the beat of my heart, sound of my voice, through the months I carried him, nurtured him inside my own body.&nbsp; I refuse to use the placating term “placed” to try and make myself feel better for what I did.&nbsp; Because, regardless of what happened to me, of the coercion and manipulation I went through, for my son, his reality is and always will be that I gave him away.&nbsp; I placed him in the arms of a woman who was a complete stranger to him at that time, turned my back on him and walked away.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And don’t even try lecturing me about owning the pain, the tears, the heartache.&nbsp; I own that every day of my life.&nbsp; From the minute I wake up in the morning to the moment I go to bed, I own . . . I live with . . . the pain and heartache of what I did to my son the very minute I walked out of that hospital nursery, left the responsibility with others to raise him when I should have been the one to do so.&nbsp; He deserved his mother.&nbsp; Was worthy of being fought for with everything I had.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Perhaps it’s time for you to take your own advice, Heidi.&nbsp; You speak of accountability and responsibility but I can’t help but wonder what, if any, have you taken, not only for your own experience but for the damage your voice will do in manipulating even more vulnerable mothers to give up their children.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you feel better in using the adoption industry term of placing your son.&nbsp; If you truly believe you were not coerced or manipulated.&nbsp; That you are happy you did so and have no regrets.&nbsp; Then that is your experience and the last thing I will do is argue with you over it.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But you have accountability too.&nbsp; You need to admit, so it is clear to all the vulnerable, pregnant moms and First Mothers you claim you want to help, that you truly wanted to give up, place, surrender, relinquish . . . whatever term you want to use . . . your son for adoption.&nbsp; That no amount of support or help would have changed your mind.&nbsp; That it wouldn’t have mattered if you were given true, unbiased counseling because you truly believe it is best for young and/or struggling mothers to give their children up to what you view as someone “better” than them.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And the minute you chose to use your son’s celebrity status to your advantage you had a responsibility to learn all sides of adoption before allowing your voice to be used to encourage even more unnecessary separations of an innocent child from their mother, father, entire family.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I believe it’s irresponsible, and as I said in my previous post, cowardly, not to take the time to research about the coercion and manipulation that is involved in NCFA’s training for </span><a href="http://www.adoption-truth.com/2012/03/coercion-not-choice.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><i>Options Counseling</i></b></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> – the very counseling vulnerable, pregnant mothers face from their school counselors, nurses, crisis pregnancy workers to the adoption agencies themselves.&nbsp; Not to look into and take into account the multi-billion dollar profits made through a mostly unregulated industry.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To me, a good mother, would also make sure, as she’s using her son’s well-known popularity, that she speaks loud and constantly about the denial of equal rights he, and millions of other adoptees, face.&nbsp; I’d make sure everyone was aware of the fact that adoptees are the only citizens in our country denied access to their original birth certificate for no other reason than they were adopted.&nbsp; I’d be sure I used my privilege as one granted the right to my own personal information to do all I could to guarantee my own child was given the same as I had.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And I would damn sure do everything I could to insure that every vulnerable, pregnant mother, First Mother and Adoptive Mother was made aware of the fact that their children, in most every state but a select few, will be part of the group of citizens denied their equal rights the minute the adoption papers are signed.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You see, your voice will be used, just as the voices of others who repeated the same adoption industry script before you were used against me and many, MANY, other vulnerable, pregnant mothers to make us feel as if we were in the wrong for even considering keeping and raising our children.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That is part of what the industry uses, includes in their training for Options Counseling – the importance of using voices like yours as a tool against any resistance a vulnerable, pregnant mother might have about giving her baby up for adoption.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And yet, perhaps, you are so confident and sure about what you claim was fully your choice to place your son for adoption that you really just don’t give a damn about how your voice will be used against other pregnant mothers.&nbsp; About the reality of coercion and manipulation that exists in adoption counseling.&nbsp; The lack of true, unbiased counseling for vulnerable women facing a crisis situation, leaving them feeling as if they have no choice but to give up their child because those claiming to support them care only about getting their unborn baby, not about truly helping them through the crisis they are facing.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Or maybe it is that you so desperately need to hold on to the pedestal you are standing on that you are willing to sacrifice others so that you can continue to believe that you deserve honor and praise for placing your son in the arms of strangers.&nbsp; Or that you truly need that constant praise, pat on the back, congratulating you for realizing that you were not good enough for your own child.&nbsp; For believing he was nothing more than a gift to be given to a more deserving couple.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Regardless of your reasons why, I will never agree with you.&nbsp; Perhaps it is important to you to get out the message that we don’t deserve our children, that they should be given away to someone better.&nbsp; To work hard to build up the honor and sainthood of any mother who has lost, placed, given up, relinquished –or even have ripped from her arms – her child, her own flesh and blood.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But, unlike you, I don’t believe children should just be given up to what others might view as someone “better.”&nbsp; I don’t believe our babies are gifts.&nbsp; And I sure as heck don’t believe adoption should ever be a first choice in any situation.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I believe and fight for protection for vulnerable, pregnant mothers and their unborn children.&nbsp; I support family preservation above all else.&nbsp; And I stand side by side with other First Moms, Adoptees and Adoptive parents in the uphill struggle of restoring Adoptee’s equal rights.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Unlike you, I will never accept what was done to me and my innocent child.&nbsp; I will never sit by, or even worse, encourage others to go through the same coercion.&nbsp; The pain.&nbsp; The heartache.&nbsp; I don’t believe giving up our children is ever something a mother should celebrate. &nbsp;We should mourn the terrible loss.&nbsp; Feel it deep in our hearts, our souls.&nbsp; Wish with all we had that they were still in our arms and never made to lose so much of themselves.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Perhaps you will find a full, successful life in promoting more adoptions.&nbsp; In letting mothers know they aren’t worthy of their children but can be praised and honored as long as they give them up to someone more deserving.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But, just remember this as you are moving forward, happy you placed your son for adoption, encouraging others to do the same, while still sitting on the sidelines without being allowed any part of your son’s life . . . <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That script you are repeating, word for word, from the adoption industry - - the research and study that went into producing it was meant to make vulnerable, pregnant mothers feel good, obligated, selfless to give up their babies.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But when it comes to our children, the many adoptees created by such a script, there are many who will tell you that hearing such a repeat coming from their own mothers mouth doesn’t help.&nbsp; But instead causes even more pain and loss to be told their own mother was happy to give them up.&nbsp; Grateful she didn’t raise them.&nbsp; Expects to be honored for the sacrifice SHE made without ever giving a thought to the horrible sacrifices made by the child she gave up for adoption.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I know, for my own son, who I have back in my life in every way possible, the best thing I could have ever done for him was break free from the hold of the counseling I received from those wanting me to give up my child and truly, finally, face the feelings, the pain, the heartache, the tears, that I held back, denied and ignored for so long.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Finding the strength to be honest with myself.&nbsp; To break free from any twisted expectation that I should be praised and/or honored for giving away my own child, blessed me with the ability to be honest with my son as well.&nbsp; To know and understand, the harder I worked to take accountability and responsibility for what happened all those years ago, the better I was to be there for my oldest son.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For every step you make in installing the message into vulnerable, pregnant mothers that they are too young, not good enough for their own child.&nbsp; For every time you claim you are fighting to free them of stereotypes and stigmas while actively speaking out to keep them under some of the very worst, the most damaging, I will be on the other side.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I will be the voice fighting for mothers and their unborn children.&nbsp; I will be the one believing in them, fighting for them and doing all I can to support them so that they don’t lose their son or daughter but are instead spared an unnecessary separation.&nbsp; While you go after their self-esteem, weaken the worth of their importance in their child’s life . . . the very worth of their own child within his or her own family . . . I will do all I can to protect them from you.&nbsp; From the destruction I believe you encourage.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We are too different for you to ever speak for me or ever even think you have the right to instruct me to use the coercive language created by the adoption industry.&nbsp; I know who I am, I know where I stand and I know what I fight for.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And, thankfully, it’s the complete opposite of you!&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div>Cassihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00274531213087340905noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-307291550763342626.post-15502558831985960732014-03-21T19:46:00.001-06:002014-03-21T20:32:28.012-06:00Remembering Jeni<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-nKwXHUtRK5A/UyzqYkrl1wI/AAAAAAAABGc/z6y0Ft73yRA/s1600/64457_1561660433880_5098741_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-nKwXHUtRK5A/UyzqYkrl1wI/AAAAAAAABGc/z6y0Ft73yRA/s1600/64457_1561660433880_5098741_n.jpg" height="320" width="214" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It almost seems like a lifetime ago when I was first breaking free of my denial, finding the courage to use my voice, speak out about the truth of what adoption had done to me, my oldest son, my entire family.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Back, in 2008, when I first started this blog, I was on one of the worst emotional challenges I had ever known in my life.&nbsp; When I look back at that time now, it’s like seeing this tidal wave of emotions and confusion and pain and loss coming at me, again and again.&nbsp; And I was so powerless then to stop it, to protect myself from everything I was going through.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The denial I so desperately clung to had been painfully ripped away a little over a year before when I’d reunited with my oldest son.&nbsp; And&nbsp; yet I’d gone and struggled alone because, as I’ve said before, I was convinced I was the one in the wrong for feeling like I did.&nbsp; That there couldn’t be others who felt like I did because adoption, as it was presented to me, was such an amazing thing for First Mothers and Adoptees.&nbsp; How could any of them be like me and actually feel pain and loss.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And then I stumbled across them, First Moms who were hurting just like I had.&nbsp; Who were actually speaking out about their pain, supporting one another, sharing experiences and feelings that were so like mine.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It was the first step in my healing.&nbsp; But I was still held back by so much.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">During that time, at the start of 2008, while finding healing in the First Moms I had found, I was still so desperately terrified of associating with adoptees.&nbsp; How could they not hate all us First Moms who had given up our children?&nbsp; How could they not look at us and be disgusted by what we had done to our own children.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And then, while in the time of our lives when my oldest son backed away and went silent, I learned of the physical and mental abuse he had suffered through his childhood.&nbsp; It was one of the darkest and hardest times of my life.&nbsp; Functioning as a normal human being from day to day, seemed impossible.&nbsp; I just wanted to crawl into a dark, silent hole and go away.&nbsp; Leave it all.&nbsp; Ignore the terrible reality slapping me in the face.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It was then, as I’ve shared before here on my blog, that adoptees reached out to me.&nbsp; Shared their own painful pasts.&nbsp; Offered me the courage and strength to not only face the next day but to also reach out to and be there for my son.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">One of those first adoptees was <a href="https://www.facebook.com/jeni.flock" target="_blank"><b><i>Jeni Gay Flock</i></b></a>.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">She was, in so many ways, so much of what I needed at that time in my life.&nbsp; Those who knew her, will nod their heads in understanding when I say, she didn’t mince her words.&nbsp; She was open and honest and said what needed to be said.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And that was exactly what I needed then.&nbsp; In her own way, she supported me, gave me strength, while refusing to allow me to wallow in any kind of self-pity.&nbsp; She was the kind of no-nonsense, give it to you straight, adoptee I needed during that time when I was so cautious, reserved in any interaction I had with adoptees because of my belief that they would hate me just for being a mother who gave up her child.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Jeni opened up and relived her own painful past as an adoptee to help me become better prepared and able to be there for my oldest son.&nbsp; She had such courage, such strength that was all so new to me back then.&nbsp; I know she had to hurt herself to open up as she did in order to help me.&nbsp; And yet, it was never a question for her.&nbsp; She did it.&nbsp; She helped.&nbsp; And that, to her, was what mattered.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And for me, there are no words to accurately describe what it meant to me to have her reach out, help me in the way she did.&nbsp; Me, a complete stranger at the time.&nbsp; A mother who had given her child away.&nbsp; A woman desperately floundering to make sense of everything happening.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I had no clue, then, who I was, where I was heading.&nbsp; But Jeni didn’t care.&nbsp; She was there.&nbsp; Offering so much more than I ever thought I had the right to receive.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">She was so much in getting me to where I am today.&nbsp; In making sure I was the best I could be for my oldest son.&nbsp; In encouraging and helping lay the foundation for all that my son and I now share together.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And now beautiful, amazing Jeni has moved on to the next part of her journey.&nbsp; She’s left us here in the living world, moved on to something better where I know everything she is, all that is so wonderful about her, will serve such an amazing purpose.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Even as I sit here and write this through my tears, I know, without question, wherever she is, whatever her new future holds, it will also include helping others, being there for them.&nbsp; Fighting for those who deserve so much more than they are given.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because that is who she was.&nbsp; That is what she wanted and will never, not even after death, stop fighting for.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In this crazy, emotional, roller-coaster world of all that is the fight for adoption reform/adoptee rights, there are friendships, relationships, formed that are hard to explain and yet reach deeper . . . stronger . . . than anything ever known before.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There is an openness, a raw bearing of one’s true self, that is so rarely matched in any other part of life.&nbsp; There is acceptance for just who one is, in both the good and bad.&nbsp; An understanding of pain that controls so much, courage that is such a battle to find.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And there are losses that cut deeper, hurt worse than we could ever imagine.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Losing an amazing, wonderful soul like Jeni has cut deep, pounded hard, against so many of us.&nbsp; The friendships, relationships, she created were formed, held by so much emotion, strength, courage.&nbsp; But always based on the wonderful woman she was.&nbsp; The care and love she offered so many.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We mourn with beaten, hurting hearts, the loss of such an amazing friend, ally, human being.&nbsp; And we hold on to all that she was.&nbsp; All that she inspired us to be.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because Jeni mattered.&nbsp; Her life had purpose . . . meaning.&nbsp; And with her heart-breaking death, so many are stepping forward to be better, give more, do what we can to carry on the legacy she created in her support and love for others.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We are close, we are loved, we matter, through the unexplainable connection we share in our grief and loss brought by adoption.&nbsp; And when we lose one so important, so profound, we hurt, we struggle and we mourn.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And we will continue on, fight harder, give more. &nbsp;Because it’s who we are.&nbsp; Because we know it’s what Jeni would want.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because we know, to truly honor her and all she’s done for so many of us, it’s what is right, just, and true.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We love you Jeni.&nbsp; And we promise all that you were, all that you fought so hard for, will never be forgotten.</span><o:p></o:p></div>Cassihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00274531213087340905noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-307291550763342626.post-15282149618441719492014-03-03T22:38:00.000-07:002014-03-03T23:05:27.301-07:00Creating A Crisis<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-AOrwPySqlhU/UxVh4lGS5eI/AAAAAAAABE8/TFwHxY3BI2Q/s1600/bigstock-Unhappy-Depressed-Woman-5814435.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-AOrwPySqlhU/UxVh4lGS5eI/AAAAAAAABE8/TFwHxY3BI2Q/s1600/bigstock-Unhappy-Depressed-Woman-5814435.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- - - “<i>I am a birthmom working with pregnancy resource centers to establish wordtracks for counselors to talk to pregnant women about the choice of adoption. I would appreciate if other birthmoms can respond with their initial objections to choosing adoption and what helped them overcome that. Thank you</i>!” - - -<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That wonderful gem was left on the </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/OASupport" target="_blank"><i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Open Adoption Support Facebook Page</b></span></i></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">.&nbsp; I tried but couldn’t verify if it was truly a First Mom asking the question or not.&nbsp; But it was sickening to see somebody working with pregnancy resource centers – because we all know how trustworthy they are – try to solicit First Mothers into helping them coerce more vulnerable mothers into giving up their babies by helping identify those “objections” they work hard to counsel pregnant mothers past so they will, ultimately, see giving up their babies for adoption as a much better “choice” than actually keeping and raising their own sons or daughters.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The post sounded very familiar to this wonderful tidbit from <a href="http://www.adoption-truth.com/2008/05/adoption-manual.html" target="_blank"><i><b>The Missing Piece: Adoption Counseling In Pregnancy Resource Centers</b></i></a> . . .<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- - - “Give women sound REASONS that will COUNTER the desire to keep their babies.” - - -<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And the explanation from the NCFA for their creation and teaching of the <a href="http://www.adoption-truth.com/2012/03/coercion-not-choice.html" target="_blank"><i><b>coercive “options” counseling</b></i></a> . . .<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- - - “The mission is to educate about adoption to overcome the potential BARRIERS to considering adoption.” - - -<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">None of that is about truly helping a vulnerable mother decide what is best for her and her unborn child.&nbsp; It is all meant to use manipulation to get her past the reasons why she doesn’t want to give up her baby and work her around to where she believes the only way she can truly prove her love for her child is to give him or her away to a better, more-deserving couple.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And the sad reality, that so many don’t think about or don’t want to think about, is that such counseling, created to manipulate mothers past the “barriers” keeping them from giving up their babies, actually creates even more crisis for the vulnerable, pregnant mother and/or escalates the crisis she is facing.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Some though, sadly, still see this as a good thing.&nbsp; Even on that post on Open Adoption Support, there were those who thought it was a good idea such a question was being asked.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I, personally, don’t understand how anyone can be supportive of any act that manipulates or coerces a vulnerable mother into giving up her baby.&nbsp; Especially one that is practiced REGULARLY in the counseling so many put so much faith in.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">How many times do we hear adoptive parents justifying that their child’s First Mom truly did want to give up her baby because she went through the counseling provided by the adoption agency?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">How many times do we hear First Moms praising the kindness and care of their counselors without ever questioning that they just might have been worth more than the very carefully scripted “wordtracks” created for one purpose . . . to encourage them to believe it was best to give up their children.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Options counseling, in so many ways, is used to further cause harm to a vulnerable mother.&nbsp; To increase her sense of fear, uncertainty, until she is trapped in a corner and feels she has no other choice but to give her child up for adoption.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Think about it.&nbsp; Think about what our minds tell us is right in certain situations compared to how adoption counseling uses a crisis to their advantage . . . <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>* * A teenage, pregnant mother&nbsp; confides in her adoption counselor that she has found a program that would allow her to continue her high school education while also providing child care and helping her with parenting classes.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; True counseling by someone concerned about what was best for this mother and her unborn child would, logically, provide help and guidance for this mother in checking out the program.&nbsp; Learning everything about what it offers.&nbsp; How she can enroll.&nbsp; What she can expect for both her and her child.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; But the accepted and widely taught “options” counseling for adoption views this as a barrier keeping the vulnerable mother from choosing to give her baby up for adoption.&nbsp; Instead of help and support, they do their best to remove any such confidence from the mother and create an even greater “crisis” for her to deal with by telling her, keeping her baby means she will, more than likely, never graduate, and worse than that, she will end up dooming her own child to never graduating as well. * *<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>* * A pregnant mother with two small sons comes into her weekly counseling session after a good weekend spent with her mother.&nbsp; She happily tells her counselor that they had a really good talk while they were together and her mother has agreed to let her move back home and will help her raise her two sons and unborn child.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; In our hearts, our minds, we know, if we truly wanted to do whatever was best for this mother and her unborn child, the best possible step to take would be to set up a time to meet with her and her mother.&nbsp; To go over the details about her mother helping her with her children.&nbsp; To be sure everyone was on the same page.&nbsp; That they all understood what would happen and how to seek help if they hit obstacles along the way.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; But, again, for the adoption industry and their way of counseling, this in another barrier standing in the way of the mother giving up her child.&nbsp; Instead of helping her work through the solution she found with her mother, options counseling, instead, would yank such security away from her by telling her how unfair it was to expect her mother to take on such a responsibility.&nbsp; Or frighten her with the false information that family and friends that offer to help walk away in the end and aren’t there as they promised.&nbsp; They might go even so far as to tell the vulnerable, pregnant mother that her own mother isn’t “respecting” her or what she “truly” wants for her child.&nbsp; That she is somehow going against her, deceiving her by offering to help rather than encouraging her to give away her baby. * *</i><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">How can such treatment against pregnant mothers and their unborn children not anger us, make us want to stand up in one united voice and declare we aren’t going to stand for it anymore?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">How can anybody&nbsp; justify a vulnerable mother’s crisis not only be used against her, but actually made worse, so that she will give up her baby?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Is this really what we want to support . . . <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>* * A pregnant mother has been doing some research online and confides in her counselor that she’s not sure she can give up her baby because she’s read other adult adoptees sharing how adoption hurt them and how they suffered the loss of their first families and the very last thing she wants for her child is to be hurt in any way.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; In true caring and kindness for a pregnant mother and her unborn child, such concerns would be taken seriously and answered with honesty.&nbsp; It wouldn’t ever be questioned that she did deserve to know how adoption may harm her child as well.&nbsp; That, yes, there are many adult adoptees who speak out about how adoption has affected them.&nbsp; About the research that has shown that a large percentage of adoptees do struggle, in different ways, from being given up for adoption.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Of course, since this is viewed as nothing more than another insignificant barrier standing in the way of a pregnant mother giving up her child, the counseling she will receive, instead, will reinforce how much better her child will be if she gives him or her away.&nbsp; How grateful they will be that she didn’t raise them herself.&nbsp;&nbsp; The adult adoptees who are speaking out will be degraded, dismissed as nothing more than ungrateful “children” who had the “rare” bad experience. * *<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>* * On her first appointment, a pregnant mother states she isn’t interested in adoption at all.&nbsp; She knows she wants to keep and raise her baby and is seeking help to be able to do so.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; This one seems so obvious, doesn’t it, a pregnant mother knows she wants to keep and raise her baby and is asking for help to do so.&nbsp; The best, and only thing, to happen for her is to assist her in getting that help.&nbsp; Empower her, in whatever way possible, to be the best possible mother for her child.&nbsp; Offer her the resources and support she will need to continue her pregnancy, give birth, and start out on a good footing in raising her little one.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; But for the adoption industry and the counseling they offer, this is the biggest barrier they face and the one they fight hardest against.&nbsp; They do all they can, with every tactic they can learn, to turn this confidence in a mother around so that she is thrown a crisis to deal with that will, hopefully, lead her into believing giving up her baby is her only choice.&nbsp; Such confidence is immediately attacked in whatever manipulative way possible - - such as their </i><a href="http://reformadoption.com/Advocacy/InfantAdoptionTraining/ifParentsWereHired2.pdf" target="_blank"><i><b>worksheets</b></i></a><i> created to make even the best adjusted mother feel as if she can’t possibly live up to the responsibilities of raising her child - - whatever it takes to eat away at her self-esteem, her belief she will be a good mother to her child.&nbsp; Whatever trick they need to use to force her into a crisis so that she will fall in line with the others and come to realize loving her baby means giving them away. * *</i><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">None of this is right.&nbsp; True, unbiased, crisis counseling revolves around helping to empower the one struggling, building their confidence, encouraging them to find solutions to the fears and obstacles facing them.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Adoption counseling does the exact opposite.&nbsp; It is specifically designed to weaken a mother facing a crisis situation.&nbsp; To discourage solutions to the obstacles and fears she faces because those solutions are viewed as “barriers” keeping her from giving up her child.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It isn’t about helping her overcome but is instead about holding her back, creating more obstacles to face, problems to solve, until she is so broken she truly believes giving her own child up for adoption is her true “choice” and the only way she can prove her love.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It isn’t about her, isn’t about her unborn child.&nbsp; It is about guiding and manipulating a vulnerable mother, using her crisis against her, increasing it so she feels drowned, overwhelmed by it, so that the counselor can overcome the “barriers” preventing her from giving up her baby to that more deserving couple paying good money for an agency, attorney, facilitator to find them the baby they desire.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And in the worst of cruelty, the mother is then left in a worst place than she was to begin with while suffering the worst loss possible . . . her child.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This is the harsh reality so many don’t want to acknowledge or accept.&nbsp; But that doesn’t mean it isn’t there.&nbsp; It doesn’t exist.&nbsp; Praising or encouraging the options counseling so many pregnant mothers face, supporting those in the industry using First Moms to learn how to better work past the barriers keeping them from giving up their babies, only supports and continues such evil.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There is nothing, no plausible excuse, to accept such practices, such horrible actions against a mother and her unborn child.&nbsp; EVERYONE is worthy of so much more than this.&nbsp; Of the respect, kindness and care to truly be helped for who they are not for the child they have to offer.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s time, long past time, to accept that the only ones that options counseling benefits is the adoption industry hoping to profit and the hopeful adoptive couples wanting a child while, in the process, terribly damaging a vulnerable, pregnant mother and her innocent, unborn child . . . the one’s deserving of so much better than they are given.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The ones forced apart by encouraging, rather than solving, the obstacles preventing them from being together.&nbsp; Obstacles that become even greater once options counseling is used.&nbsp; Once there is no hope left in a mother and child being spared an unnecessary separation for the benefit of others.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A benefit that CAN NEVER be worth the loss it causes.</span><br /><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></div>Cassihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00274531213087340905noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-307291550763342626.post-92026057202318176902014-02-04T21:02:00.000-07:002014-02-04T21:02:22.521-07:00Heidi Russo . . . You Don't Speak For Me<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Y4fRRhhQEw0/UvGiEeYmMRI/AAAAAAAABEs/Jzo-YKG7e1w/s1600/bigstock--d-small-person-and-AT-symbol--30296186.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Y4fRRhhQEw0/UvGiEeYmMRI/AAAAAAAABEs/Jzo-YKG7e1w/s1600/bigstock--d-small-person-and-AT-symbol--30296186.jpg" height="267" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There are certain things <a href="http://www.americaadopts.com/colin-kaepernicks-birthmom-what-ive-learned-since-last-years-super-bowl/" target="_blank"><i>Heidi Russo</i></a> and I have in common. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.americaadopts.com/colin-kaepernicks-birthmother-my-mission-to-elevate-birthmoms-to-a-place-of-honor/" target="_blank"><i>Twenty six years ago she gave up her son Colin Kaepernick</i></a>just as, twenty six years ago, I gave up my oldest son for adoption.&nbsp; She believed, as I did, that she wasn’t good enough for her own child.&nbsp; That he deserved better than she could give him and that the only way she could prove her love was to give him away to a couple more “deserving” of her own flesh and blood.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">She also, just like I did, had promises of openness in her son’s adoption that were broken.&nbsp; Her son’s adoption completely closed when he was six while my son’s adoption completely closed when he was five.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Yes, our experiences carry similiarties, but that doesn’t mean that she speaks for me in any way.&nbsp; And the fact that she would suggest she does, when she has chosen to become yet another mouthpiece for the multi-billion dollar adoption industry, angers me in ways I can’t even explain.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because how dare she even think to claim she speaks for me, or any First Mom, when, in my opinion, she just sold us all out for the benefit of the adoption industry.&nbsp; Chose the easy way . . . the&nbsp; shoulder shrug, it’s not so painful, I’ll still be liked and adored . . . escape that might make her feel temporarily better but, in the process, throws so many vulnerable, pregnant mothers, first mothers and adoptees under the bus.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And all she has to do is sweep away, ignore, any hard truths while finding her comfort, her acceptance under the glow of the good mommy who did what she was supposed to and gave away her son because she knew there was no way she could ever be worthy of her own child, just as the adoption industry has been telling us for decades now.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And heck, she even went so far as to let an adoptive mom help her get to this realization about herself.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And because of that, she speaks for all us First Moms.&nbsp; Because, you know, we all were just worthless nobodys who realized our children deserved better than we could ever offer.&nbsp; And we didn’t deserve unbiased counseling, help and support to keep and raise our children.&nbsp; We deserved exactly what we got, exactly what Heidi is speaking up for all of us and our worthiness . . . <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We deserved knowing our children would be better off if we just realized how badly we would fail them and did the “right” thing.&nbsp; Did what God wanted us to do.&nbsp; And gave away our children to strangers who were, obviously, more deserving of our children then we could ever be.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Except, my son might not be a famous Quarterback.&nbsp; He might not have ever made it anywhere even close to the Super Bowl, but, to me, he is the most amazing son and I know, deep in my heart, that such thoughts, such reasoning is nothing more than an insult to him, to me, and to all First Mothers and Adoptees out there.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because he deserved more.&nbsp; I deserved more.&nbsp; And there is nothing, not even a false celebrity status, that could ever make me say otherwise.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Especially knowing, remembering, exactly how my adoption counselor used the voices, matching the exact script at Heidi’s, as part of the coercion in convincing me my son would be better off if I gave him away to complete strangers.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because the stories of those moms matched the one Heidi chose to share . . . Adoption is so wonderful . . .&nbsp; It might hurt and it might be painful, but in the end, it is the best thing possible you could ever do for your child.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Those very stories that played every single part into the reason why, when I&nbsp; took those first steps out of my fog, I never even thought to search for others who might be feeling like I did.&nbsp; Because I believed.&nbsp; Because voices like Heidi’s were used against me so that I was sure what I was suffering, the feelings I was going through were so wrong.&nbsp; How could I even feel like I did when all I knew, all that had ever been shared with me were the voices like Heidi’s . . . <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Irresponsible, cowardly voices from those who found glory in allowing the adoption industry to use them so they can continue to be held up and glorified as heroes rather than finding the courage and guts to truly research, learn and share all that is true about adoption.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And yes . . . I’m doing it . . . I’m calling Heidi a coward.&nbsp; I’m calling her out for giving in to her need to stay on that stupid pedestal, hold on to her halo, at the expense of every vulnerable mother and unborn child who will have her words used against them so that they too give away their child so the adoption industry, another, paying infertile couple, can benefit from such a terrible loss.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And before the attacks come.&nbsp; Before everyone gets their feathers in a ruffle and wonders how in the world I can, or even feel like I have a right to, speak out against a First Mom who is happy she gave her child away to the “better” couple – just as the industry wants us all to believe – and has taken it as her personal “mission” to speak for all of us in attempts to coerce even more vulnerable mothers to give up their children . . . remember this . . . <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I, and so many other First Moms, have been there.&nbsp; We’ve experienced what Heidi experienced.&nbsp; We know, we’ve learned, we lived, the very same counseling, thoughts, society pressures she has.&nbsp; We’ve all stood where she has.&nbsp; In that moment of pain, uncertainty, fear.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We’ve known it so well.&nbsp; Bled painfully the truth of it, just as she has.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But, unlike Heidi, we’ve refused to give in to the route that is most liked.&nbsp; Refused to take the easy way that insisted we give in and proclaim ourselves, still, as unworthy of our children, grateful that we gave them away.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We have found the courage, the strength, to admit that we screwed up in the very worst of ways. &nbsp;To tell the world that we failed our children when we didn’t fight for them, change our lives for them, in the way they deserved.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Instead of giving in to what would assure we were liked, praised by society in a whole, we chose to look further, dig deeper, so that the truth we shared had not only our own knowledge of so many First Moms that came before us and after us, but also the realities of why we went through what we did.&nbsp; Why our children were so sought after.&nbsp; Why good, loving mothers continue to be led to believe they aren’t good enough for their own children.&nbsp; Why so many infants are degraded to the status of not being good enough for their own family to fight for.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We didn’t sell ourselves out for celebrity status, to be liked, to be held on that pedestal.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Heidi Russo, in my opinion, has a responsibility, especially if she is claiming she knows enough, has experienced enough, to speak for all us First Moms.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Even if she falls into that small percentage of moms who truly didn’t&nbsp; want to parent her child and would not have changed her mind, no matter the help and support offered her, &nbsp;she still carries the responsibility to research and learn everything she can possibly know about adoption and the adoption industry before allowing her voice to become one that will be used, over and over again, to convince vulnerable, pregnant mothers that giving up their babies to strangers is the “loving” thing to do.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And there is absolutely no excuse, no reasoning, for why she hasn’t taken the time, had the courage, to look into all the truths surrounding adoption.&nbsp; Especially when she has chosen to use the popularity of her voice – through the success of her son she gave away – to persuade and influence other vulnerable mothers to give away their own children.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You can’t claim to want to help First Moms, break the barriers and stereotypes, when all you do is walk step-in-step with the worst of the offenders who create the most harmful of the stereotypes.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And you don’t dare get any right to claim you speak for me, or any other brave First Mother fighting for change, when you allow your voice to become nothing more than another coercive tool for more pregnant mothers and their unborn children to suffer such terrible losses.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If Heidi Russo truly believes giving her son away to strangers was the best thing and she wants to speak for those mothers like her, than she needs to be honest about it.&nbsp; She needs to step up and admit her truths that she is claiming is the truths of so many while . . . kindly . . . keeping the rest of us First Mothers out of a reality we don’t agree with and want no part of.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">She needs to be honest and tell the world that the First Mothers she speaks for aren’t those of us fighting for change and reform in the world of adoption.&nbsp; Believing in equal rights for all adoptees.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The voice she is giving is the voice of those who cling to the belief they weren’t worthy of their own child.&nbsp; That their own child wasn’t worthy of the family they were born in to.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But for me, I refuse to even let there be the single hint that her voice has even the closet idea to what I believe in.&nbsp; Because in her voice, I hear everything I refuse to be.&nbsp; All that I have fought hard to break away from.&nbsp; Stood up against for change.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Heidi Russo may have certain things in common with my own experience but she is a long way from speaking for me.&nbsp; Because I believe in better . . . for myself, my oldest son, my family . . . and all other vulnerable, pregnant mothers, First Mothers and Adoptees.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Twenty six years ago, I gave away my son to a couple I was led to believe was more worthy of him, better than I could ever hope to be.&nbsp; But today, I proudly stand up and proclaim I am not like Heidi Russo and I do not accept her speaking for me, no matter how famous her voice has become.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because I have learned to value my own ideals and morals more than that of what society deems is right.&nbsp; To believe in myself, no matter the anger, pain and struggles that come with it.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And I will never be a Heidi Russo.&nbsp; I will never be one who gives in to allow my voice to be used so that more vulnerable mothers believe they aren’t worthy of their own child.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I choose to believe, on my own decision, in my own acceptance . . . that my son was worthy of my fighting with everything I had twenty six years ago to spare him the terrible loss of his family.&nbsp; That every vulnerable, pregnant mother deserves the right to know the truth of the multi-billion dollar adoption industry and the coercive counseling they offer. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">With all the similarities we share, our differences are vast.&nbsp; Because I will never allow myself to be used as a pawn to encourage, coerce and manipulate vulnerable mothers in the horrible way I was.&nbsp; I believe I was worth more, my son was worth more and there is nothing, not even the promise of celebrity, that can ever change that.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And I will always find my worth, not in the same old “scripted” articles on sites profiting from the separation of mother and child, but instead in those that encourage, respect and promote the true story behind Adoption.&nbsp; The very real reason to fight for equal rights for our children.&nbsp; And the reality of what adoption has, does, and will continue to bring to our society as long as we continue to be accepting, cowardly servants, like Heidi Russo, who don’t have the courage to face the hard realities of what adoption was, is, and will continue to be without those brave enough, strong enough, to fight for something different.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Those who Heidi Russo and her new-found celebrity will NEVER speak for.</span><o:p></o:p></div>Cassihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00274531213087340905noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-307291550763342626.post-83978617090032401782014-01-31T21:27:00.000-07:002014-01-31T22:03:17.621-07:00Giving Away Baby<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-P_X2WYyxLhg/Uux1VW4GQ4I/AAAAAAAABEc/2qyiBuVfvEQ/s1600/bigstock-Mother-s-hands-holding-a-newbo-26998817.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-P_X2WYyxLhg/Uux1VW4GQ4I/AAAAAAAABEc/2qyiBuVfvEQ/s1600/bigstock-Mother-s-hands-holding-a-newbo-26998817.jpg" height="247" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This article, &nbsp;<a href="http://fox8.com/2014/01/30/facebook-status-social-media-baby-boom/" target="_blank"><i>Facebook Status: Social Media Baby Boom</i></a>, is the kind of stuff fairy tales are made of &nbsp;. . .<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Infertile couple desperately wants a child to call their own, vulnerable, pregnant &nbsp;mother sees their profile on Facebook, gives birth and hands her baby away to infertile couple and everyone rides off happily ever after into the sunset.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Doesn’t it give you the warm, fuzzy feeling to know, with social media, babies are becoming less and less human and more and more the desired product of infertile couples seeking to satisfy their desires for a family?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Isn’t it a great reason to celebrate . . . children being degraded to meaning so little.&nbsp; Their innocent lives nothing more than a transaction on Facebook.&nbsp; They are, after all, just babies.&nbsp; Big, gooey blobs of chubbiness and drool, perfect for the taking from their family for the satisfaction of the strangers who desire them.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Why should any one of us care if the mother was caught in a desperate, vulnerable state?&nbsp; Perhaps denied the help and support needed to keep her baby.&nbsp; I mean, really, it’s just that chubby drooling thing anyhow, why waste any time in trying first to see if there is any way to a save them from the loss of their family.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And honestly, really, look how desperately the couple wanted a baby . . . any baby.&nbsp; They were even willing to go to Facebook to get what they wanted.&nbsp; That has to count more than, perhaps, counseling them to make sure they are adopting because they truly want to help a child in need and not because of some desperate attempt to “heal” their infertility or selfish desire to do whatever it takes, no matter the cost – even to an innocent baby – to claim the family they want.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Like I said . . . the kind of stuff fairly tales are made of.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The sad fact, the harsh reality, is, in the practice of Domestic Infant Adoption, a child’s worth MUST first be degraded.&nbsp; They MUST make that change from cherished, loved human being to product desired, or else there would be no infants available for all the infertile couples who are in such competition for the child they want, they go to Facebook to find their satisfaction without a second thought to just how disgusting such an act truly is - -<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“Hey, we wanted a baby so much, and your First Mother loved you so much, we all went to Facebook to trade you.&nbsp; Aren’t you grateful?”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Contrary to what so many believe, the options counseling vulnerable, pregnant mothers go through is NOT about the importance of their unborn child.&nbsp; It is, instead, a careful process to get them to see their child as unimportant, nothing more than a product they have that can be “gifted” away to strangers.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s never about the precious gift the unborn child is to their OWN family.&nbsp; In fact, any such thoughts are not only discouraged but outright denied.&nbsp; Instead, the conversation is about the burden an unborn child would place on their own family.&nbsp; Their own flesh and blood.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Vulnerable, pregnant mothers are encouraged to believe that their child is so unworthy that family members who are offering to help don’t really mean it in earnest and will, more than likely, turn their backs on them in the end.&nbsp; They are encouraged to deny the father’s rights because the baby they are carrying just isn’t good enough, really, for the dad to actually love him or her enough to give them the very best life they possibly can.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Their child really isn’t worth that much.&nbsp; They aren’t important enough or worthy enough to stay within their family.&nbsp; They’d just be the burdens, responsibilities, everyone would end up resenting in the end.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The adoption industry has to, IT MUST, chip away, piece by piece, at any thoughts of a child being precious enough to fight for, keep within their own family, change a life for.&nbsp; They have to destroy such ideas, reduce the unborn babies to nothing more than burdens to be taken care of, products to be given away.&nbsp; It is the ONLY way they can keep their multi-billion dollar industry going.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Even for the “gift” given to an infertile couple, it’s still not about the importance of one, certain child, it’s about ANY child.&nbsp; Whichever baby . . . a.k.a opportunity . . . comes along to satisfy their desires.&nbsp; It could be little Joey from this expectant mom or tiny Jody from that one.&nbsp; It’s not the baby itself so important to them, it’s the satisfaction of a need being fulfilled.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Even in that article. In what you hear day in and day out through our media, the importance of the baby is diminished so that the desires of the infertile couple can be what shines through, making them deserving of the “gift” of a human being.&nbsp; Good and right for using social media to have their needs satisfied.&nbsp; For taking a newborn child from her family because they wanted a family of their own.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If that innocent, baby girl in the article had mattered, if any child in the process of Domestic Infant Adoption mattered, the story would have been much different.&nbsp; There would have been disgust that anyone would reduce a child’s worth to some “transaction” on Facebook.&nbsp; The reporter would have cared more about the loss the child had suffered, losing her entire family, instead of focusing on the multiple infertility treatments the couple had gone through.&nbsp; Attention would have been placed on how every child deserves to have their family fight for them not on how infertile couples might find quicker and cheaper adoptions.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Every single child born into this world deserves to be important enough, worthy enough, for their family to make sure they are never lost.&nbsp; They deserve mothers and fathers who will fight, push and shove every boundary, make whatever change possible, to provide the very best they can for their little one.&nbsp; They deserve the comfort of knowing they matter enough that their own family will do whatever it takes not to lose them, not to have them be given away to others.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But for every time we support stories such as this.&nbsp; For every moment we spend supporting what adoption has become – providing infants for couples who desire them.&nbsp; For every instance we support the deception in getting around Father’s rights, denying extended family any chance to keep, love and raise one of their own, we diminish everything children are worth.&nbsp; We take away their importance and allow them to become nothing more than a product to be sold.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Every child should matter.&nbsp; Every child should be important enough to be fought for, spared the terrible loss of their family.&nbsp; Because they are more than just chubby, bundles of drool.&nbsp; They are wonderful, living, loving human beings who deserve the very best we can give them.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Who deserve better than to be nothing more than a product given away through Facebook.</span><o:p></o:p></div>Cassihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00274531213087340905noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-307291550763342626.post-44180156660694272992014-01-16T15:47:00.000-07:002014-01-16T15:47:16.738-07:00God Is Heartless. God Is Cruel.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4yziGr172XQ/UthcrHM_NpI/AAAAAAAABDw/z8wlEYMHmGM/s1600/bigstock-Christ-3918193.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4yziGr172XQ/UthcrHM_NpI/AAAAAAAABDw/z8wlEYMHmGM/s1600/bigstock-Christ-3918193.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Other than for funerals and weddings, I have not attended a church service since reuniting with my oldest son.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s been over seven years now and I still have no desire to go back.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Though I was never one who flashed her religious beliefs around, who could pull up a bible quote on demand or recite theology in any way that could ever make sense, I was, for so long, a faithful Lutheran, baptized and confirmed, active as a Fellowship Director and Sunday School Teacher.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And yet, today, the only thing I feel when it comes to Religion, Christianity and God is anger and heart break.&nbsp; Disgust and fear.&nbsp; Though I have worked through so much in the past years when it comes to adoption, I still find myself triggered, angered, devastated when it comes to the horrible ways God is used to justify some of the worst acts of adoption.&nbsp; How the judgment, the entitlement, the punishment is all accepted with nothing more than dropping God’s name and claiming it’s everything He would want.&nbsp; It’s His way.&nbsp; His works.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Though I still cling, barely, to my own belief in God, I find myself loathing the God so many Christians shove into adoption to justify their own selfish desires.&nbsp; Their own need to punish.&nbsp; Their desperate attempts to make their actions feel better by using Him as their excuse.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I try to avoid the triggers, to simply walk away from that which I know is going to feel like the knife shoved in again, twisting and slicing with all the “painful” greatness of a God who causes so much pain, so much hurt, all in the name of adoption.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But sometimes they slip through.&nbsp; Sometimes I read, I watch, I hear.&nbsp; And that same old pain and anger comes back.&nbsp; Like it did in this video . . .&nbsp;</span><a href="http://conservativepost.com/lizzs-emotional-story/" target="_blank"><i><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Family Didn't See This Surprise From God Coming, And You May Not See It Either</span></i></a><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I can stand up, use my voice, fight for change in so much of the realities in adoption.&nbsp; And yet when it comes to the heartless, cruel God that is used to punish vulnerable, pregnant mothers, strip innocent children away from their family, all so He can show His wonderful Grace and work His miracles by satisfying the selfish desires of others, I still find myself struggling, dealing with my emotions taking over.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And I still don’t fully understand why that is.&nbsp; Why, when I have worked through so much, faced the absolute worst loss in my life . . . my oldest son . . . I can still be vulnerable to such ridiculous triggers like the video I linked to above.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A video with a couple, celebrating their “Christmas Miracle” in tears of happiness, such joy, because God has satisfied their desire for a child.&nbsp; Because, as they state in the video . . . “We are just amazed at God’s faithfulness.&nbsp; At how he’s had this planned, all along.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">How does that happen?&nbsp; How does God determine that such selfish desires should be fulfilled at the terrible pain and loss of others?&nbsp; How do you get on that good side of his where you aren’t expected to be the mother handing over her own child to another?&nbsp; The innocent baby, stripped from his or her family to satisfy the wants of others?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And everyone celebrates.&nbsp; They play the wonderful gospel music in the background.&nbsp; Proclaim how wonderful God and His love is.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Yes, that wonderful God.&nbsp; The one who leads vulnerable, pregnant mothers to believe that it is His will, His desire, for them to give their sons, their daughters, away to someone deemed more deserving.&nbsp; That demands adoptees be grateful to be adopted because He knew, before they were ever born, that it was best for them to be conceived in the wrong womb and then given away to the rightful, deserving family after their birth.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That God.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The one who others will pray to for you if you dare to share any form of grief over the losses you have suffered through adoption.&nbsp; The one who strikes out in the worst of punishment by expecting a vulnerable, pregnant mother to give up her child in order to make up for her sins.&nbsp; Who planned, all along, for her to go through the terrible suffering of losing her child because He already knew her child was meant to satisfy the selfish desires of another.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The God who is not about helping out mothers and children in need.&nbsp; Who turns a blind eye to the desperate need for support and help to keep families together. &nbsp;Because He is too busy supplying babies for all the good Christians who deserve to have their prayers answered by His miracle works of causing terrible loss to those in need so “true Christians” may have their own self-centered prayers answered.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And see, that’s it.&nbsp; That’s where my mind goes, where my heart starts to hurt and my faith sinks lower and lower to the point where I just want to walk away completely from God as I have walked away from Christianity.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because, why do I give a damn? &nbsp;Why do I continue to let it hurt me, trigger me?&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I was never one to be deeply immersed in my religion, my beliefs.&nbsp; I had my faith.&nbsp; I found a connection, a comfort, I could never fully explain, in my Sunday mornings in Church.&nbsp; In communion, when I always felt the closest to God.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But I was far from one who dedicated her life to her belief.&nbsp; Heck, I didn’t even live that “portrayed” life Christians are expected to lead.&nbsp; I sinned, I erred.&nbsp; I completely screwed things up.&nbsp; I didn’t function under the constant reminder that God was watching me, judging me, for every step or action I took.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I just lived.&nbsp; I just existed the best I knew how.&nbsp; I believed in God.&nbsp; I believed in helping.&nbsp; I believed in fellowship and the importance of Church.&nbsp; But I still remained one who did not allow her faith to dictate every moment of her life.&nbsp; If I screwed up . . . I screwed up.&nbsp; That was life.&nbsp; That was who I was.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And now I’m rambling, losing the point of this entire post.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I just . . . I don’t know.&nbsp; I’m used to the triggers that hit in adoption.&nbsp; After this many years fighting for reform and adoptee rights, you come to expect it.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But I’m tired of these triggers.&nbsp; I’m tired of God and questioning what is truly His will, His miracles.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because, honestly . . . as much as I still cling to my faith in God, I’m just about done trying to be a part of that minority voice fighting for something others don’t see as right.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I don’t want to, refuse to, believe in a God that is so heartless, so cruel, that he would cause such terrible suffering to mothers and their children.&nbsp; But so many believe that to be Him.&nbsp; Believe that to be His works.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And honestly, I don’t have the desire to try and fight or prove otherwise.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Perhaps it’s just time for me to choose my battles and walk away from this one.&nbsp; I mean, after all, no matter my faith and belief, if you go by what so many believe in God’s works and His will, I truly am nothing more than the terrible sinner who He punished – and then punished my oldest son in the absolute worst of ways – so that an infertile woman could have her desires for a child answered.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I just want it to be done.&nbsp; I want the triggers to stop.&nbsp; So perhaps, if this heartless and cruel God so many in the world of adoption believe in could see his way to one more miracle, perhaps He would grant it to me . . . just a poor, undeserving mother who gave up her child to fulfill His ways and will . . . a personal, selfish desire of my own.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It doesn’t involve causing pain and loss for others.&nbsp; It doesn’t involve judgment or punishment for them either.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It just involves me . . . plain and simple me who prays for my own miracle . . . stop the triggers, stop the pain. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Answer my prayer as You have answered the prayers of so many desperate couples seeking a child and allow me to just walk away.&nbsp; Allow me to be done and to be free of the hell You supposedly accept, create and encourage through Your blind love and support of adoption.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Allow me my peace.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Allow me to be free.<o:p></o:p></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div>Cassihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00274531213087340905noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-307291550763342626.post-35702423905905676082013-12-10T07:19:00.000-07:002013-12-10T08:20:02.188-07:00Friends In Low Places<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Vc9jrrhmTec/UqacTYBMalI/AAAAAAAABDg/OinN5z6CVfc/s1600/190190_485909041421847_149697920_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Vc9jrrhmTec/UqacTYBMalI/AAAAAAAABDg/OinN5z6CVfc/s320/190190_485909041421847_149697920_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It really is an odd paradox in a way . . . to find so much you treasure and are so thankful for from something that is such a dark, painful reality of your life.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In the friendships I have made through my life, there are none like the ones I have found in the years since I began my difficult journey in finding a way to deal with the terrible loss and grief adoption has brought into my life, into my oldest son’s life, my entire family’s life.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I went from knowing that not even those closest friends around me understood what I was going through to finding so many who not only understood, but through their own experiences, knew there were no easy answers, magical comforting words, that could make it all better.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Years ago, when I was at my lowest, when it was hard to even come up with a reason to go on living, it was that understanding, that care, that kept me going.&nbsp; Kept me from quitting.&nbsp; Though virtually, First Moms held me close, walked me through each day.&nbsp; And so many wonderful adoptees reached out to me when I first learned of my oldest son’s abuse.&nbsp; They kept me from crumbling into a million painful pieces.&nbsp; From running around in a crazed mess, punching and striking anyone I could find so they could hurt as my son had hurt.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Those I have met in the almost six years since coming out of the adoption fog have, literally, been my lifeline in so many ways.&nbsp; I cannot imagine what I would do without any one of them.&nbsp; We’ve built friendships, fought together for what we believe in.&nbsp; Faced down the anger, the accusations, always knowing we had each other backing us up, never allowing us to face the hatred, the ugliness, alone.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And now as I enter yet another phase of my life, I find myself – I don’t know the right word – amazed, thankful, surprised . . . maybe even a bit nostalgic.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Over a decade ago, after accomplishing what us pesky First Moms and . . . gasp . . .&nbsp; teenage moms are told by so-called, warped “statistics” is impossible – getting a college degree, building a career, supporting our family – I finally followed a dream I’d carried since I was a young girl.&nbsp; A dream I didn’t have to forget about – as so many claim to frighten vulnerable mothers, including myself, into giving up their babies – but instead, just put off for a little while.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">By 2001, I had two published Romance Suspense novels under my belt and I was deep into writing my third.&nbsp; I signed up and joined the writing groups.&nbsp; I was selected to be a part of the Rising Stars of Romance group which was, back then, a huge honor and privilege to be a part of.&nbsp; I attended the romance conferences.&nbsp; Met readers, signed books and set my foot firmly into a great kick off for a long life of writing romance.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It was a busy time for myself and my family. &nbsp;My husband had just been given a huge promotion at his job.&nbsp; Our three younger children we were raising were getting older, all of them in school, and we were busy doing parties and programs, fund-raisers and field trips.&nbsp; &nbsp;And in 2002, we stumbled across a neighborhood, an empty lot, a house plan, we absolutely loved.&nbsp; And within months they were breaking ground on our new house.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It was, in so many ways, a time in my life I was led to believe I would never accomplish.&nbsp; Not me.&nbsp; Not one of “those” kind of girls who got pregnant at sixteen and gave her son up to a “better” couple only to turn around and be pregnant again at the age of eighteen, becoming the dreaded teenage mom, destined to live a life of despair and force her innocent child to live it with her.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And then on New Years Eve 2002, it hit me.&nbsp; I took my first terrible step out of the fog I’d been living in.&nbsp; Pain broke through the numbness and I was no longer ever fully able to claim it again.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because on that day, the first day we moved into our brand new house, it wasn’t success I felt . . . it was absolute failure.&nbsp; It was the first time I couldn’t quickly chase away the question . . . <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“What the hell was I thinking?”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">How could I be here in my new house, with my husband and three younger children, experiencing what we had, and have given up my oldest son all those years ago?&nbsp; How could I ever expect him to have anything but hatred for me when I worked so hard and did so much for my other children and yet just gave him away to someone else to raise?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">How could I be here?&nbsp; How could I have accomplished any of this?&nbsp; How could I do that to him?&nbsp; How could I ever expect him to understand?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It was the moment when I took that first start on the downward spiral coming my way.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Though I still clung desperately to my denial and didn’t associate most of what I was going through with my adoption pain, I lost my footing at that point.&nbsp; Guilt took over, though I never understood then where it came from.&nbsp; But I quit writing.&nbsp; Quit my groups, my promotions.&nbsp; Quit everything that I had dreamed of.&nbsp; Because I didn’t deserve it.&nbsp; I wasn’t good enough for it.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That was the time of my life when I would lie in bed in the mornings having to convince myself why it was I was happy.&nbsp; I pulled away from my husband, using him as my scapegoat, my reason for why I was miserable.&nbsp; I moved around in this odd haze, caught between the adoption fog and the end of my denial. &nbsp;I hurt, I ached, and yet I could never fully accept why.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I feared my oldest son’s anger.&nbsp; Loathed what I had done.&nbsp; Tried, here and there, to put voice to what was happening only to jump quickly back into the security of my denial.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For four years, that was the reality of my life.&nbsp; Until that day in December 2006 when I reunited with my oldest son and the thin scabs over my denial were violently ripped away.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I held on, though, by the very tips of my fingers, doing my best not to lose it.&nbsp; Not to give in to the tidal wave of emotions threatening to drown me.&nbsp; And then, as so often happens, my oldest son stepped away from the reunion, went silent, and everything crashed around me.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That’s when I was blessed with so many wonderful, amazing First Moms and Adoptees who were just, suddenly, there.&nbsp; Understanding.&nbsp; Knowing.&nbsp; Comforting me.&nbsp; Giving me strength.&nbsp; Holding me up when all I wanted to do was fold myself into the tightest ball and just disappear from it forever.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Through it all, from learning of my son’s abuse, to having him back in my life, to seeing his adoptive mother’s mental abuse first hand when he moved in with us, they held me up, kept me going.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I know, without question, I would not have been able to be there fully for my son, to hold him up, give him support as he went through so much hell, if it wasn’t for those who stood behind me, holding me up as well.&nbsp; I could be strong for him.&nbsp; Give him the strength he needed, deserved.&nbsp;&nbsp; Because I knew, always knew, when it was time to fall apart, myself, there were those there to help me pick up the pieces.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I had an absolutely amazing therapist, who I will always be grateful for.&nbsp; But I know, through the worst of it, it was the friendships I was graced with that truly got me through, helped me heal, and brought me back to a place where I could again find good in my writing.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It was here on my blog first.&nbsp; For the first few years, I needed the writing here.&nbsp; The place to share my life, my experience.&nbsp; What I had learned, researched and knew about the adoption industry.&nbsp; I know part of my healing was the ability to use my voice to bring about awareness and hopefully make change in the accepted practice of adoption.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It wasn’t always easy.&nbsp; There have been ugly moments.&nbsp; I’ve pissed off some, completely infuriated others.&nbsp; But I continued on, not just from my determination to fight for what I believe in, but also from the support of the wonderful friends I’ve made in this journey through the dark reality of adoption.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And then came that time when I finally felt ready to go back to the writing I love.&nbsp; When I could make that separation in my mind to switch from the writing I do here to the lighter, fiction writing I was ready to dive back in to.&nbsp; It wasn’t always easy.&nbsp; As is the reality for so many of us. There were times when the giant of adoption pain reared its ugly head again and sent me reeling back, only to find myself stumbling forward again.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But I did it.&nbsp; I succeeded.&nbsp; I finished my third Romance Suspense novel,&nbsp;<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Playing-Fire-Cassandra-Bella/dp/1493773704/ref=la_B00GU06HOM_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1385219612&amp;sr=1-1" target="_blank"><i><b>Playing With Fire</b></i></a>.&nbsp; It was released just a couple&nbsp;months ago.&nbsp; And now I find myself in that moment of not being able to find the right words to describe what it’s like this time around.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because, it’s different than it was a decade ago.&nbsp; It means more.&nbsp; It’s proof to what I’ve been through without letting it knock me over for good.&nbsp; But, it’s also something I feel I share with so many.&nbsp; Because I wouldn’t be here, I wouldn’t know any of this, if it weren’t for the amazing friends who have been there, are there, and, I hope, will never go away.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s so much more than just me and the dream I had, now. &nbsp;&nbsp;<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And the twist of it all . . . it’s another First Mom who is doing so many great things to help make this second chance at my writing a success.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you’ve been in the world of adoption reform and adoptee rights for any amount of time, you know&nbsp;<a href="http://www.adoptionbirthmothers.com/about-musings-of-the-lame/about-claudia-corrigan-darcy/" target="_blank"><i><b>Claudia</b></i></a>&nbsp;and her&nbsp;blog,&nbsp;<a href="http://www.adoptionbirthmothers.com/" target="_blank"><i><b>Musings Of The Lame</b></i></a>.&nbsp; Her voice is a priceless asset to so many of us.&nbsp; Her knowledge is unbelievable&nbsp;and her talents go far beyond what so many might think.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And it just seems right, it just seems full-circle that her blog, her voice was one of the first that gave me strength, kept me going.&nbsp; And now, her expertise, her talents, will do the same for my writing.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I feel . . . I don’t know . . . like I said it’s hard to bring words to it.&nbsp; There is something that just fits in having my trust in another First Mom who I love and respect so much.&nbsp; Something that is good in knowing that even in our “mom” craziness, adoption “pain” and all the other junk that comes with it, we’ll know, we’ll understand, and we’ll never have to explain anything when it comes to being there for one another, whether it be personally or professionally.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">She, and so many others, brought me to where I am today and I will always be thankful for every one of them.&nbsp; I’m back on track for my writing and I don’t plan on letting anything stand in my way again.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Adoption and it’s ugliness has already taken so much , from me, my oldest son, my entire family.&nbsp; I will no longer sacrifice anything else.&nbsp; Ironic, isn’t it . . . those who gained from my oldest son’s adoption – the agency, his adoptive parents – have desperately needed me to believe that giving him away was a “win.”&nbsp; And yet, for so long, all I’ve known is the feeling of failure in so much of my life.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It wasn’t until finding those who also have lived through the promised hell of a “win” in adoption that I was finally able to find the strength to find my own “win” in my own life, despite all the loss adoption brought.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">They gave me what adoption never could, belief in myself. &nbsp;Strength and courage to be the best I can be and to tackle any obstacles standing in my way.&nbsp; They gave because they cared, not because they “desired.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And for that . . . I will always be grateful.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*** As of now, I have decided not to put a permanent link on my blog for my website.&nbsp; I’m just not sure if it will help or hurt.&nbsp; For now, I’ll just leave it here, in this post . . . <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><a href="http://cassandrabella.net/" target="_blank"><i>Home Of The Love Story: Website of Cassandra Bella Romance Author</i></a>&nbsp;</b></span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">(The site is just one of many things Claudia and her great talents have done!) ***</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div>Cassihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00274531213087340905noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-307291550763342626.post-5067907440690620952013-11-13T12:54:00.000-07:002013-11-13T12:54:55.341-07:00The Bad, The Good<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7hncRiIojcM/UoPVrSi0z8I/AAAAAAAABDQ/NwmSH6wW_uM/s1600/bigstock-Cracked-Feet-2240070.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7hncRiIojcM/UoPVrSi0z8I/AAAAAAAABDQ/NwmSH6wW_uM/s320/bigstock-Cracked-Feet-2240070.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You can’t avoid it.&nbsp; You hear it all the time.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you are one who dares to speak out about the harder truths in adoption.&nbsp; One who puts their voice out there, trying to bring about reform to protect everyone involved, you will, more often than not, come up against those who disregard what you have to say.&nbsp; Will do what they can to make your feelings, experiences, knowledge, insignificant if it does not fall in line with the accepted view of adoption being nothing more than a wonderful, loving act for all involved.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And many of the loudest are those who have had a good experience with adoption.&nbsp; From First Parents who are happy with giving up their children, Adoptees grateful for being adopted to Adoptive Parents thankful for whatever had to happen to provide them with the child they dreamed about.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So often, they tend to be the loudest, the most active, when it comes to dismissing and discouraging anything that contrasts against their own, personal experience.&nbsp; And on some level, I understand that.&nbsp; I honestly do.&nbsp; It’s in our nature to want to hold on tight to what we see as good and right in our lives.&nbsp; Challenging that can, so often, feel like a personal insult against us.&nbsp; Can force us to question ourselves, our happiness.&nbsp; Feel threatened by someone else seeing our life as somehow bad because of their beliefs that view our own in such a negative light.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And yet, realizing the darker truths that exist in adoption, acknowledging them and fighting for them to change, does not suddenly make one bad.&nbsp; It doesn’t mean that an Adoptee’s parents were not the loving, kind mother and father they cherish.&nbsp; It doesn’t take away from an adoptive family being close, tight-knit and strong in their relationships.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Realizing the multi-billion dollar adoption industry carries evil with it is not equal to dismissing your own love, affection and happiness with your own family.&nbsp; Your own children.&nbsp; Your own experience.&nbsp; Accepting that there are darker truths needing to be addressed doesn’t make anyone, or their own experience, bad.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What is bad, however, is using your good experience as an excuse to try and diminish the desperate need for reform in the world of adoption.&nbsp; To somehow justify that the very real pain and loss that exists in adoption needs to be silenced.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The best adoption experience, the happiest Adoptee, First Parent, Adoptive Parent, is not so special that a blind eye should be turned to the&nbsp;coercion and manipulation&nbsp;that exists against vulnerable mothers.&nbsp; One having no regrets about what happened doesn’t give them reason to ignore the lack of protections for mothers, fathers and their unborn children.&nbsp; It isn’t an excuse to claim that nothing needs to change just because one might have gained off something that is full of so much wrong.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">How selfish can one be to ignore and dismiss the wrong in adoption simply because they had a good experience?&nbsp; How far does one have to go in their happiness to have no problem with actually fighting against protections for the vulnerable simply because their experience was different?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The best open adoption in the world, the most loving adoptive family, the happiest adoptee, doesn’t erase the reality that adoption has become, more than anything, a business providing newborns to paying customers.&nbsp; It doesn’t suddenly nullify the fact that millions of adoptees are denied their equal rights.&nbsp; That every day a vulnerable mother is faced with the coercive&nbsp;</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><a href="http://www.adoption-truth.com/2012/03/coercion-not-choice.html" target="_blank">Options counseling</a>,&nbsp;</i></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">designed specifically to create more unnecessary separations.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">One’s happy experience does not justify ignoring horror stories such as what happened to&nbsp;<a href="http://www.adoption-truth.com/2013/09/a-family-destroyed.html" target="_blank"><i>Veronica Rose Brown and her family</i></a>.&nbsp;&nbsp; Loving adoption doesn’t give anyone a right to turn a blind eye to the lack of anything right when so much money is involved in the taking of children from one family to another.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Perhaps, instead of fighting against those who don’t share the same happy experience, it’s time to, instead, fight against the reasons there are so many with such dark, painful experiences.&nbsp; Instead of dismissing those who didn’t have the same happy experience, take the time to learn and research the darker truths you are being told. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There is nothing bad, just good, in fighting for the outrageous profits to be taken out of adoption.&nbsp;&nbsp; In demanding protections for vulnerable mothers, fathers and their unborn children so that no one is ever faced with coercion and manipulation in order to get their child away from them.&nbsp; Speaking out against adoptees being denied the rights the rest of us take for granted.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Such things don’t have the power to change one’s own happiness.&nbsp; But they do have the power to change the evils so many face when they fall into the hands of an unregulated adoption industry that gains, in the worst of ways . . . using the vulnerable, the desperate, the innocent, to keep their profits growing.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To keep the business of adoption just as they want it to be . . . about the money, not the children.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div>Cassihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00274531213087340905noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-307291550763342626.post-56778877514156796592013-11-01T16:38:00.000-06:002013-11-01T16:38:58.624-06:00True Awareness . . . True Change<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ZWhz5KyAIbM/UnQrmmL5WSI/AAAAAAAABDA/oUDASExNZPA/s1600/20130828_145536.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ZWhz5KyAIbM/UnQrmmL5WSI/AAAAAAAABDA/oUDASExNZPA/s320/20130828_145536.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>“Children and mothers never truly part.&nbsp; Bound in the beating of each other's heart.” - - Charlotte Gray</i><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So we’re here again.&nbsp; That time of year returns.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s November.&nbsp; It’s the holidays.&nbsp; And it’s National Adoption Awareness Month.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And as I sit here and attempt to write this, I stare at the above quote on that bright red coffee cup.&nbsp; It was a Mother’s Day gift this year from my oldest son who I gave up for adoption.&nbsp; I can’t bear to hide it away in the cupboard with the other cups.&nbsp; So it sits on my desk where I can see it every day, be reminded of what my oldest son and I found again after adoption stripped everything away.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For those of us who have lost at the greedy hands of the multi-billion dollar adoption industry, the awareness of what adoption is and what it does to so many families isn’t something that comes around once a year.&nbsp; It’s there always.&nbsp; A constant reminder we can never fully hide away from.&nbsp; One that makes something as sweet and simple as a coffee cup with a loving quote from a son to his mother mean so much more in a bittersweet twist of emotions.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The sad reality is, no matter how hard many adoptive parents and the adoption industry fight to bring a false awareness during this month of November, the truth remains, as painful as ever for the many, MANY who live with it, every single day, not just one month out of the year.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Adoption ALWAYS begins with loss.&nbsp; There is no getting around that fact.&nbsp; No denying it.&nbsp; And to try and raise awareness without acknowledging this is wrong in so many ways.&nbsp; To try and gloss over that fact, do all that can be done to turn attention away from it, serves only those who gain from such a loss while harming the children.&nbsp; The ones adoption is supposed to be about.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The ones this month is supposedly supposed to help . . . Children TRULY in need of families.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But we can’t help them.&nbsp; We will never truly be able to have any kind of awareness, whether it be a day, a month, a year, as long as we, as a society, allow adoption to continue on as it does today.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sitting back and accepting what so many have turned this month, and adoption, into, only serves to cause harm to the very children we claim we want to help.&nbsp; Takes away from them true concern, true help, replaced by lies and half-truths meant to keep the profitable side of adoption ongoing while stripping more and more away from those who are truly in need.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For every time we turn a blind eye to the many unnecessary adoptions carried out for profit.&nbsp; Encourage a process that uses coercion and manipulation to provide children to adults who desire them instead of truly providing for what is best for the children from the start.&nbsp; We strip away from the time, the investment, the awareness needed, and deserved, by the children who are in need.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In not this month, but in every month, we as a society drain the attention away from them.&nbsp; Instead of putting our interest, our attention to those in foster care, truly in need.&nbsp; Instead of using our energy to demand better for them, from their foster care placements, to the resources available, to training for couples who truly want to help them, we settle in front of our televisions and get caught up in television shows such as I’m Having Their Baby.&nbsp; Watch with great interest, nodding our head in agreement, as Dr. Phil bullies and shames yet another mother into giving up her unborn child to a “more deserving” couple.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We applaud stripping fathers of their rights so that their children will be more easily available for adoption. See nothing wrong in laws created that make it easier and easier for newborn infants to be taken away from their families to be given to the paying couples who desire them.&nbsp; Support counseling that leaves vulnerable mothers feeling as if they aren’t good enough for their own children with the excuse it’s probably for the best anyhow.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">All of this, for one reason that has nothing to do with children in need.&nbsp; It’s all about the couples we, as a society, feel sorry for.&nbsp; It’s about their feelings.&nbsp; What they believe they need.&nbsp; It isn’t, in any way, about the children.&nbsp; About what is best for them.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And for every day, week, month, we support such things, we strip away more and more from the ones truly in need.&nbsp; From those this month of awareness is supposed to be about.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In this month of November, while so many will be doing all they can to push the practice of so much of what adoption has become – the process of providing newborns for the adults who have the ability to pay for their desires to be fulfilled – they will continue to take away from the true need that exists.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For every bit of energy, every dollar spent, every story shared that concentrates on infant adoption, more and more is taken away from the many, MANY children in Foster Care who truly need our help.&nbsp; Our awareness.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">They are the ones who need the time and energy so many give to supporting infant adoption.&nbsp; Not just in November but in every other month of the year as well.&nbsp; Unfortunately, they are the forgotten ones.&nbsp; Their needs ignored under the heavy, suffocating push of more and more infant adoptions to continue the profits and gains of others.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Image the true change, the TRUE awareness, we could build this month if we refused to accept anything that encouraged the continued coercion and manipulation of adoption as a business for profit.&nbsp; If we turned a deaf ear to the stories of adults desperately desiring a baby and instead listened with all our heart to the stories of the many children who deserve so much more than they are currently getting.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If we demanded the NCFA (National Council for Adoption) stop using their power and wealth inside our government to create more laws that serve the multi-billion dollar adoption industry and instead center around the children in need they claim they are fighting for.&nbsp; Help them with laws that demand better placements, more awareness to their needs, more resources and education for those who truly desire to help them.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s time we, as a society, finally come together in one unified voice and make it clear that we no longer will accept the current practice of adoption that takes away more and more from the children in need in order to provide the profits and gains of others.&nbsp; That we are tired of the acceptance of children being used to satisfy adults desires instead of having their own needs fulfilled as they deserve.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We can, we have the ability if we truly wanted, to raise real awareness, create important change.&nbsp; But first, we must take away the control of what adoption is today and demand better.&nbsp; Demand more so that children are no longer left needing so much, turned away from what they deserve by those who use vulnerable families and their unborn children to create a distorted, unethical practice of what adoption should be.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In this month of November, in this month of Adoption Awareness, what will you support?&nbsp; What will you encourage?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Will it be a continuation of adoption as usual?&nbsp; A support of a practice that denies children truly in need to provide for others.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Or will you stand behind true awareness. &nbsp;&nbsp;True change.&nbsp; &nbsp;Will you use your voice to stand up and speak out against the coercion and manipulation of infant adoption?&nbsp; The profits made by supplying newborns to paying couples.&nbsp; To demand we care more and give more to the children . . . <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The ones who truly deserve our awareness.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div>Cassihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00274531213087340905noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-307291550763342626.post-82527459541275009062013-10-28T18:01:00.000-06:002013-10-28T18:01:43.567-06:00Blood Matters<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1y80SFGpnwA/Um74-Lo160I/AAAAAAAABCg/FT5hDGdMQXE/s1600/bigstock-Heartbeat-make-family-icon-ins-52491472.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1y80SFGpnwA/Um74-Lo160I/AAAAAAAABCg/FT5hDGdMQXE/s320/bigstock-Heartbeat-make-family-icon-ins-52491472.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal">My family is loud.&nbsp; We’re crazy.&nbsp; We’re even a bit impossible at times.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">But we’re close and loving.&nbsp; We understand one another like nobody else can because we are all a part of one another.&nbsp; We share the same traits, talents, mannerisms and habits.&nbsp; We are together in as much as who we are now as who our ancestors were before us.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">There is no better family for any one of us.&nbsp; Not even my oldest son, who I gave up for adoption.&nbsp; We are what is best for each other.&nbsp; Our love is not our only connection.&nbsp; There is so much more of who we are, how we react to one another that is a part of the blood we share.&nbsp; Of the understanding we gain by looking at those around us and seeing ourselves, in both looks and actions.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">My children, my flesh and blood, are exactly where they belong.&nbsp; There is nothing better for them.&nbsp; Nothing or no one who could come close to offering what I can, their father can, their extended family can.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">I’ve lived through the hell of being led to believe that I was unimportant to my own child.&nbsp; That complete strangers would be better for him than I could ever hope to be.&nbsp; I’ve had to watch, helplessly, the pain and hurt he, my own child who I was supposed to love and protect over all else, has suffered because I accepted the myth that biology doesn’t matter.&nbsp; That adoption was the only true way to offer him a “good” family.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">And now, I’m so tired of hearing it.&nbsp; Tired of the adoption industry’s desperate need to minimize the importance of one’s own biological roots.&nbsp; Their heritage.&nbsp; Their ancestors.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Tired of adoptive parents who, while demanding their families are respected and never criticized, turn their own efforts into tearing down the importance of natural families, throwing out the very same insults they insist never be placed upon their own family.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Tired of society’s acceptance and belief that a natural family is replaceable, unimportant if it means a desperate couple will have their own desires fulfilled.&nbsp; Believing the want for a child and the willingness to pay out tens of thousands of dollars to have such wants satisfied makes for a better, more deserving parent.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">The deterioration of how important natural families are, the constant attacks to do all that can be done to ruin that importance, is beyond heart-breaking . . . it’s frightening.&nbsp; Especially when those hurt the most are the very ones adoption is supposed to be about . . . <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">The children.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">It’s wrong, and so very cruel, in an effort to continue the gains and profits in adoption, to destroy a child’s own family first.&nbsp; To become a part of the overwhelming voice that tells them it’s unimportant to be raised by those who share so much with you . . . your traits, and talents, your ancestry and history of how you came to be.&nbsp; To be a part of those who will understand you better than anyone because they are a part of you.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">But the cruelty goes beyond even that.&nbsp; It destroys on another level, as well.&nbsp; One that eats away not only on a child’s right to be with their natural family, to be protected from such painful separations, but also on stripping away the importance of that very child within their family.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">To get desired infants away from their frightened, vulnerable parents, the illusion is not only created that the parents are so unimportant to their own child that they can easily be replaced by strangers, but the baby can also be easily replaced once they go on to have more children.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">You hear such heart-breaking lies, not only in the counselors trying to convince mothers and fathers to give up their babies, but also in the justification of some adoptive parents.&nbsp; In their reasoning for why they deserve to raise someone else’s child . . . because the child’s natural parents can always just go on and have another child to replace the one they feel they are entitled to.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">In order to be successful, in order to get desperately desired babies away from natural families to supply to the paying customers of the adoption industry, it isn’t enough to encourage society’s view of just how unimportant they are.&nbsp; Natural families, themselves, also have to be convinced that their own child, grandchild, brother, sister, niece, nephew, cousin, is insignificant enough that giving them away to strangers won’t cause a heart wrenching loss.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">That the innocent child isn’t worth keeping, fighting for.&nbsp; But instead is worth only being given away to another family.&nbsp; And condolences and pats on the backs are given about how there may be loss felt, heartbreak to deal with.&nbsp; But feeling good about yourself and your own actions will prove to be more important than the child taken away from his or her own family.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">It’s a double fist when it comes to hurting children in the desperation to destroy the importance of natural families.&nbsp; In the need to justify such a horror against the most innocent so others can gain and profit.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">We not only take away everything that is their right by birth.&nbsp; Tell them how unimportant such a loss is.&nbsp; How blood and biology mean nothing and don’t create a family.&nbsp; We also make sure we hit them hard in the gut and cause even more pain by using the same sick reasoning to make sure their natural family never sees them as the wonderful, important person they always should have been.&nbsp; The one who is worth fighting for, never giving up on.&nbsp; Who has every right to be loved unconditionally because of blood, of biology.&nbsp; Because that is the very thing that makes them our child, grandchild, sibling, niece, nephew, cousin.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Because, on the most primal of all levels, they are a part of us and can never be replaced, no matter the lies we are told and led to believe for the sick justification of others.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Travel anywhere in the world of adoption and you will find those dealing out such torture.&nbsp; The mothers and fathers proudly claiming they are happy with their choice to give their child up.&nbsp; And even if there is pain, if there is loss, they just need to remind themselves how THEY did good, how their actions were the best, the right ones, because that is what they have been counseled to believe is better than ever imagining, thinking about, how their own child deserved to never be separated from their natural family.&nbsp; How he or she should have always been important enough for them to fight in every way to be the ones to offer them that “better” life they desired.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">And that’s it . . . the core of just how terribly wrong the constant, never-ending attack on natural families truly is.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Yes, it creates the profits for a multi-billion dollar industry.&nbsp; Satisfies the desperate wants of those able to pay tens of thousands of dollars for a child.&nbsp; But the price of that is the innocent child.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Because every time one, rather it be for justification or personal beliefs, launches an attack on natural families, on the importance of blood and biology, the ones they harm the most are the very children they claim to care about.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">In the end . . . where such cruelty leads . . . what is worse?&nbsp; A child being denied their natural family, led to believe that the blood and biology they share with generations of their own, is unimportant, means absolutely nothing to who they are?&nbsp; Or a child who’s natural family has given them up, is proud and happy of their decision to do so because they believe, just as the adoption industry, so many adoptive parents and a good part of society do, that their own child, their own blood, isn’t all that important to them.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Believe the twisted theory that biology, ancestry, DNA are not enough to make someone important to their own family.&nbsp; Worthy enough to fight for, no matter what the obstacles.&nbsp; Deserving of the realization that blood and biology mean a child can never be replaced, no matter how some might fight hard to create an illusion that suggests otherwise.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">An illusion that only serves to support their own desires while destroying what is right, what is good, for a child.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal">Because blood DOES matter.&nbsp; Biology IS important.&nbsp; And natural families are, often, the better life that children deserve.<o:p></o:p></div>Cassihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00274531213087340905noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-307291550763342626.post-48015704868195815202013-09-24T14:06:00.000-06:002013-09-24T14:06:21.275-06:00A Family Destroyed<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-vfwVdyYQAs0/UkHt7Ds3ouI/AAAAAAAABCA/2gWlW1q50nA/s1600/1375005_301947333277003_1461726937_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="205" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-vfwVdyYQAs0/UkHt7Ds3ouI/AAAAAAAABCA/2gWlW1q50nA/s320/1375005_301947333277003_1461726937_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I don’t know if I can write this.&nbsp; If it is even worth it.&nbsp; If any of this is worth it anymore.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We have failed a sweet, innocent little girl.&nbsp; Failed her in the worst of ways.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And I say we for all of us.&nbsp; A society.&nbsp; A nation.&nbsp; Our media. Lawmakers and judges.&nbsp; Every single one holds heavy on their shoulders the blame for what happened to Veronica.&nbsp; She is a four year old, innocent victim who has just paid the worst price, her family destroyed so she could be used to satisfy the desires of an infertile couple.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As she suffers the terrible loss of her family, her heritage, her culture, others celebrate such a disgusting tragedy for this little girl.&nbsp; They congratulate themselves with proud slaps to the back for fighting so hard for Veronica to lose everything so the Capobiancos could have their every selfish desire fulfilled.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">They praise those like Troy Dunn and Dr. Phil for using Veronica to advance their own careers.&nbsp; Celebrate and promote the continued deception of Veronica’s First Mother, because it justifies their belief that the Capobianco’s “deserved” Veronica more than her own family.&nbsp; That they “earned” the right to be her parents.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As a society, a nation, we accept such twisted beliefs.&nbsp; Our media, even today in the reality of all Veronica has lost, continues to portray a story of lies and half-truths.&nbsp; Never daring, never having the courage, to go the heart of what has happened, will continue to happen to so many children, if something isn’t done.&nbsp; If we don’t finally stand up and demand change.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Some have said there is some hope in Veronica’s loss because of the attention it has brought to the truth of the adoption industry.&nbsp; But I just can’t bring myself to see it that way.&nbsp; I see her loss as the worst thing that could have happened to her.&nbsp; I see it as a complete failure of everyone who ignored those speaking out, demanding change.&nbsp; For every person who chose to label, deny and fight against those speaking the truth.&nbsp; Truth of pain and grief.&nbsp; Of coercion and manipulation.&nbsp; Of billions of dollars being the driving force for our children being taken away for the satisfaction of others.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Veronica deserved better than this.&nbsp; She deserved protection from an industry that used her for gain.&nbsp; Deserved her rights to her family to be recognized instead of trampled on.&nbsp; She deserved what so many don’t have the courage or heart to give . . . facing the truth of the very real evils that exist in adoption today.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And I’m not sugar coating.&nbsp; I’m not watching my words, always so conscious of who might be offended.&nbsp; Because what the hell good does that do?&nbsp; It certainly doesn’t do anything to prevent a sweet, little girl from having her entire family destroyed for the gain of others.&nbsp; It doesn’t push our lawmakers to turn away from the money and the power of the adoption industry.&nbsp; To refuse the laws created to completely do away with fathers’ rights, protections for vulnerable mothers, and most important, guards against children ever being used as a product to be bought and sold.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Today, after the hell that has happened, I don’t see any grey areas any longer.&nbsp; I see it as black and white.&nbsp; Either you believe that we have to do something, demand changes, so that our children are no longer used like Veronica has been used.&nbsp; No longer forced to face the heart break Veronica has faced.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Or you believe in and support the fact that adoption has become a business meant to provide children for the couples willing and able to pay for them.&nbsp; You ignore, diminish, the pain, the grief, the horror of so many to justify your actions, your need to continue to deny the hard truths staring you in the face.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I can’t see it any other way at the moment.&nbsp; I am so angry.&nbsp; So terribly angry.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have taken hits in this fight for adoption reform, some personal, some not.&nbsp; I’ve known and accepted they are part of the fight.&nbsp; Part of what to expect when you challenge such a controversial subject.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But to have a little, innocent four-year old girl take the hardest hit, the worst of it all, is something I can never accept.&nbsp; NEVER!<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I had almost been beaten over the summer, tempted to just give up, to walk away from all the self-entitlement.&nbsp; The denial of the loss and grief.&nbsp; The desperate fight to justify the outrageous profits in supplying children for those that desire them.&nbsp; The absolute refusal to acknowledge that every child has the right to their own family.&nbsp; To be raised by those that are a part of them.&nbsp; To be free of having their identity erased for the benefit of others.&nbsp; Their equal rights stripped from them.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But Veronica’s fight brought me back and it will keep me going.&nbsp; Every time I feel the urge to walk away, I will think of her wrapped securely in her daddy’s arms.&nbsp; Of her beautiful smiles when surrounded by her family.&nbsp; Of the amazing life she was granted when she was allowed to be with her family.&nbsp; Allowed to just be another little girl, growing up, growing strong, under the care and protection of those who loved her.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And I will remember the hell she had forced on her.&nbsp; A hell not only supported, but encouraged and prayed for by so many.&nbsp; I will remember her terrible loss.&nbsp; The destruction of her family for the selfish desires of others.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I can never change how terribly she was failed.&nbsp; But I sure as hell can fight with everything I have to try and protect other children from being forced to live through the same hell.&nbsp; I can fight for Veronica and because of her.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I can fight because she has reminded me it is the right thing to do.</span><o:p></o:p></div>Cassihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00274531213087340905noreply@blogger.com43tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-307291550763342626.post-59858140385362689572013-09-11T01:05:00.000-06:002013-09-11T13:36:02.487-06:00Veronica Rose Brown - A Father's Fight<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-54RlE0i081U/UjAOnsSmwwI/AAAAAAAABBw/kjfGV6uevVk/s1600/1174760_290211567783913_1615619111_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="199" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-54RlE0i081U/UjAOnsSmwwI/AAAAAAAABBw/kjfGV6uevVk/s320/1174760_290211567783913_1615619111_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“<i>Well, they obviously want to raise her. I couldn’t qualify that compared to the way I feel. I know how I feel. So -- and it feels to me like we really want her more than anybody</i>.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sometimes, just a few sentences can say SO much . . . The above quote comes directly from&nbsp;<a href="http://www.scribd.com/doc/166613014/Melanie-Testimony" target="_blank"><i><b>Melanie Capobianco's testimony</b></i></a>&nbsp;in the case Adoptive Couple vs Baby Veronica.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Just as you see so often in those who believe they have a right to take a child away from his or her own natural family, she self-determined she wanted Veronica over her own father and had every right to fight him for his own daughter . . . I want that baby more so I deserve her more!<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This is the mindset Dusten Brown has faced from the start.&nbsp; With&nbsp;</span><a href="http://www.scribd.com/doc/166613014/Melanie-Testimony" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><b>Melanie's testimony</b></i></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">&nbsp;now released and added to the testimonies of&nbsp;</span><i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.scribd.com/doc/163797058/BM-Cross-Exam" target="_blank"><b>Christy Maldonado</b></a>,</span></i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">&nbsp;&nbsp;</span><a href="http://www.scribd.com/doc/165306843/Dusten-Testimony" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><b>Dusten Brown</b></i></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">&nbsp;and&nbsp;</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><a href="http://www.scribd.com/doc/164789217/Alice-Testimony#fullscreen" target="_blank"><b>Alice Brown</b></a>,</i></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">&nbsp;it’s clear that the Capobianco’s were willing to do whatever it took and pay as much as required to obtain a baby as quickly as possible.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">They didn’t care if it was an unethical adoption, if they had to bypass some pesky Federal law protecting Native American children.&nbsp; They cared only about getting a child however they could.&nbsp; And after they got her, decided nobody could possibly “want” her like they did.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Unfortunately, for Dusten, he didn’t have the power of the multi-billion dollar adoption industry behind him.&nbsp; He had no knowledge of the laws created to get around a father’s rights or the fact that the mother of his child would be instructed how to make sure he, himself, would be penalized under such laws.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">While the Capobiancos paid good money for their attorney, Ray Godwin (involved in another, current unethical adoption) and for Christy’s first attorney, Phyllis Zimmerman, Dusten was ultimately denied any chance to seek representation for himself.&nbsp; By making sure the plans for adoption were kept hidden from him, they kept themselves in the position of power to satisfy their quest for a child.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">From the start of this, the Capobianco’s PR team has promoted the same old story, created to make them look like the innocent victims in this case and Dusten as the monster swooping in after two years to steal their child away.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But those of us who have fought in the world of adoption reform recognize the same pattern that fathers before, and unfortunately after, Dusten have been forced to face in having their rights stripped away.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And we know, and understand, Dusten never had a chance.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As the testimony comes out, it becomes clearer and clearer that Dusten started out in this entire situation as an ordinary, average guy with the same good points and faults as the rest of us.&nbsp; He was a man madly in love with his fiancée . . . <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- - - “<i>I decided I was going to get engaged with her because, you know, she was the love of my life at that point in time and I was for certain that this was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with</i>.” (Dusten Brown’s testimony, Sept. 2011) - - - <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He was also a solider, living on base (four hours away from Christy Maldonado) training for an upcoming deployment to Iraq . . . <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- - - “<i>Q. Prior to being deployed to Iraq, you were stationed in Fort Sill, Oklahoma; is that correct?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A. That’s correct.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Q. And how far away is Fort Sill from Barters – Bartlesville, Oklahoma?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A. It’s approximately four hours</i>.” (Dusten Brown’s testimony, Sept. 2011) - - - <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And he was excited to learn his fiancée was pregnant . . . <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- - - “<i>Q. Can you explain to me – explain to the court, the time you were engaged – well tell me this. When did you find out she was pregnant?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A. It was in January 2009. She called me up and told me that – that we were expecting a child.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Q. What was your reaction?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A. I was very happy.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Q. Why?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A. This is the person that I loved.&nbsp; I was wanting to unite my family, my daughter with her kids, and, you know, start this family. This is the person I want to spend my life with</i>.” (Dusten Brown’s testimony, Sept. 2011) - - -<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But his happiness was short lived.&nbsp; While on base, training and preparing for deployment to a war zone, contact with Christy suddenly started to dwindle away . . . <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- - - “<i>Q. But you were saying in March – or April, April of 2009 I think you said, that it began to decrease.&nbsp; Did you call her and did she answer your phone calls?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A. Sometimes she answered. At some point it stopped where I didn’t get no answer from either text or phone call</i>.” (Dusten Brown’s testimony, Sept. 2011) - - -<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- - - “<i>I was still texting him, up until, like I said, March or April, maybe even May, to let him know every single month on what the doctor said</i>.” (Christy Maldonado’s testimony, Sept. 2011)<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Then, in May, Dusten was able to go home for a short period of time and though he had tried to see Christy, she denied him whenever he asked.&nbsp; And then that family he had counted on, that life he had planned, crumbled around him . . . <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- - - “<i>I get half-way home to Fort Sill and I get a phone call or a text message stating that I needed to find someone in Lawton, Oklahoma, to be with instead of being with her.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Q. And that was from Christinna?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A. Yes ma’am.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Q. Did you text back?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A. I text back wanting to know what was going on and what happened. Was there anything I did wrong, you know, trying to get some sort of answer. And the only answer that I got was that I needed to find someone else to be with</i>.” (Dusten Brown’s testimony, Sept. 2011) - - -<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And from that point on, his life was about to take a drastic turn.&nbsp; Though he didn’t know it yet, the wheels had already begun spinning and soon a multi-billion dollar adoption industry, a desperate couple with the money to get what they wanted, and the woman he loved, would all be a part of deceiving him in the worst of ways – to gain off of his daughter, Veronica Rose Brown.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In June, Matt and Melanie Capobianco were matched with Christy Maldonado.&nbsp; And ironically at that same time the well-known, damning text message was delivered . . .<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- - - “<i>Q. Okay.&nbsp; You said that she had asked you if you wanted to sign your rights away?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A. Yes ma’am.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Q. Why did you think she was asking you to do that?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A. Honestly I don’t know. It was a big surprise to me because, you know, because the whole split up, breakup, was a shock, you know. We had a really good relationship.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Q. And at some point in this June text conversation did you – did you tell her that you would agree ---<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A. I want to say ---<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Q. --- to sign?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A. --- it was a couple of days later that, you know, I believe she sent me another text message back.&nbsp; I’m not for certain, but I replied back in a text message to her stating that I would sign my rights to her.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Q. Why did you do that?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A. In my mind I thought that if I would do that I’d be able to give her time to think about this and possibly maybe we could get back together and continue what we had started</i>.” (Dusten Brown’s testimony, Sept 2011) - - - <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What Dusten didn’t know was at that point, he’d already lost.&nbsp; That the text message used (and yet not allowed in court because the phone conveniently disappeared and all that they had to show as proof was one-sided, disjointed pictures) to get him to say what they wanted was a common practice used on fathers before him.&nbsp; That, more than likely, Christy was just another pregnant mother of many who had been coached by the adoption industry on what to say to get the desired response.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The use of text messages to trick a father out of his rights is such common practice these days that I don’t believe for a minute that there is any coincidence in the events coming together as they did – the matching of Christy and the Capobiancos during the same time she was pushing Dusten to give up custody.&nbsp; The process had already begun and the only thing standing in the way of the Capobiancos getting the child they desired was Dusten Brown.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Dusten is very upfront and honest (which is more than I can say for either&nbsp;</span><a href="http://www.scribd.com/doc/163797058/BM-Cross-Exam" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><b>Christy</b></i></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">&nbsp;or&nbsp;</span><a href="http://www.scribd.com/doc/166613014/Melanie-Testimony" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><b>Melanie</b></i></span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">&nbsp;in their fumbling testimonies) in his cross examination when asked about supporting Christy . . . <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">&nbsp;- - - “<i>Is it accurate to say that you did not pay any medical bills connected with baby girl’s birth?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A. No, sir, I didn’t.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Q. And prior to the birth on September 15<sup>th</sup> of 2009 you did not pay for any living expenses or pregnancy-related expenses connected to baby girl’s birth?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A. That is correct</i>.” (Dusten Brown’s testimony, Sept. 2011) - - - <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But, at that time, Dusten had absolutely no experience with adoption.&nbsp; He was unaware, as most fathers are, of the adoption industry abandonment laws created to strip fathers of their rights.&nbsp; While the Capobiancos and Christy had the coaching of the adoption agency and adoption attorneys who know exactly how to manipulate the laws, Dusten was in mandatory training, facing the upcoming deployment to Iraq . . . where so many of our soldiers never returned from . . . while having to deal with a fiancée who not only broke off their engagement but was pushing him to give up custody of his child to her.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There was no way Dusten knew it was very deliberate that Christy avoided his attempts to contact her during that time.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- - - “<i>I contacted friends and family to see if maybe they’d seen her around or about because I had made phone calls and text messages that never got replied from or back to me.&nbsp; I didn’t know if maybe she had possibly changed her number or moved away.&nbsp; I did not know at all</i>.” (Dusten Brown’s testimony, Sept. 2011) - - -<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The giant of the multi-billion dollar adoption industry had officially taken over, not just his life, but the life of his unborn child.&nbsp; It was no longer about him and Christy as the parents.&nbsp; It wasn’t about any hopes they might work it out between them or find common ground for their child.&nbsp; At that point, it was about the couple paying for his child – Matt and Melanie Capobianco – and satisfying their desires.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Those with the power and knowledge knew better than to allow Dusten to pay a single penny for his daughter . . . <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- - - “<i>Q. Was there any time, any other time that you can think of, that the birth mother ever asked you for financial assistance?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A. She never asked for financial assistance</i>.” (Dusten Brown’s testimony, Sept. 2011) - - -<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- - - “<i>Q. Did you ever make any attempt, through either the state of Oklahoma or the Cherokee Nation to collect child support from the birth father?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A. No</i>.” (Christy Maldonado’s testimony, Sept. 2011) - - - <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Even Veronica’s own grandmother had to be denied the chance to help if they were going to build the abandonment case and make sure the Caopbiancos walked away with the baby they wanted.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- - - “<i>And I finally got her number, oh, shortly before she had the baby. And we found out that she had had the baby and it was about two weeks after she delivered. And I had called her and left a message because she wouldn’t answer the phone. And I left a message and I said, Chrissy [sic], this is Alice, Dusty’s Mom.&nbsp; I said, we have some gifts from the family.&nbsp; It was money and a little blanket&nbsp; that I made for the baby and some little socks, Elmo, Kissy Baby, and a rabbit we had bought the baby – or Dusty had bought the baby for Easter it was. And I had bought the baby a little book.&nbsp; I think it was me who bought it, but I’m not sure.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>(Deputy handed tissue to witness.)<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>WITNESS: Thank you.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Q. And did she return your phone call?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A. No.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Q. At some point did you attempt to call her again from a different phone?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A. Yeah.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Q. Can you tell me about that?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A. I went to Wal-Mart and I called from a pay phone so that she wouldn’t recognize the phone number and she didn’t answer it either.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Q. Do you recall if you left a message?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A. No, I didn’t leave a message.&nbsp; I just hung back up.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Q. And did all of your attempts to contact Christy before and after her pregnancy go unanswered?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A.&nbsp; That – yeah</i>.” (Alice Brown’s testimony, Sept. 2011) - - - <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because, not only did they need to manipulate the abandonment laws to their advantage, they also needed to make sure they did what they could to cut Christy off from any help or support from others so that the Capobiancos could come in, use their money to “help” Christy and, in every way, buy Veronica by manipulating Christy into feeling obligated to them and giving them her baby in exchange for the expenses, bills, gifts, they gave her.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- - - “<i>Q. Have you received some financial assistance from the adoptive couple?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A. Yes.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Q. They paid for your lawyer?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A. Yes.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Q. And what else have you received from them?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A. After I had the baby, they paid some of the bills to help me out, and I have received some money for food.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Q. Is that all?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A. Yeah.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Q. Did they pay your rent?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A.No.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Q. Did they pay ---<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A. Actually, I don’t remember what bills they have paid. I can’t remember.&nbsp; But I know they did pay some bills</i>.” (Christy Maldonado’s testimony, Sept. 2011) - - - <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- - - “<i>Q. Did you provide, you and your husband provide funds for the birth mother’s medical expenses?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A. I’m not exactly sure. I know – probably, yeah. We probably did</i>.” (Melanie Capobianco’s testimony, Sept. 2011) - - -<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And yet, Matt and Melanie Capobianco and the multi-billion dollar adoption industry still weren’t done with Dusten Brown or his unborn child.&nbsp; Even though they had done all they could to make sure the abandonment laws came into play and that Dusten’s ex-fiancee would be indebted to, and firmly controlled by the Capobaincos, there still was that risk of knowing he would never agree to his child being given away for adoption.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So the best way to overcome such a pesky obstacle was to simply not let this soldier, in training to be deployed to a war zone for our country, know that there was a couple paying good money in the hopes of adopting his child.&nbsp; To make sure he wasn’t informed of what was happening.&nbsp; To guarantee that the cash and power happening behind his back would ensure the Capobiancos walked away with his baby, because that is what they paid for and what they expected in return.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- - - “<i>Q. Did you have any idea that she was asking you that because she intended to give this child up – your child up for adoption?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A. I had no idea that giving that child up for adoption. I had nothing in the back of my mind thinking that even.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Q. If you had known something that you would have agreed with?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A.&nbsp; If I knew that that’s – the adoption was going on, I would have said no, I wanted to keep my rights. And I would have fought them. I would have started right then and there. I would have went to military JAG and got a military lawyer and got started in the process of what I needed to do</i>.” (Dusten Brown’s testimony, Sept. 2011) - - - <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- - - “<i>Q.&nbsp; Okay.&nbsp; I – I just want to make sure on this question, was it your testimony earlier that you – you never personally told the biological father that you were placing this child for adoption?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A. No.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Q. You did not tell him?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A. No</i>.” (Christy Maldonado’s testimony, Sept. 2011) - - - <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But deceiving Dusten and denying him the chance to know that the Capobiancos had paid to adopt his child, wasn’t enough guarantee.&nbsp; The adoption industry and Matt and Melanie Capobianco also needed to make sure that they worked around ICWA, the Federal Law in place to protect Veronica from ever suffering the loss of her family, her heritage, her culture.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If they were going to have their desires satisfied, they were going to have to make sure such protections were denied Veronica before she was ever born.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- - - “Q. You told everybody, every agency involved, this child’s father is an Indian.&nbsp; He’s a member of the Cherokee Indian Nation?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A. Yes.” (Christy Maldonado testimony, Sept 2011) - - -<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- - - “<i>Q. Okay,&nbsp; And did you understand prior to birth that there was the possibility this child could possibly be an&nbsp; Indian child? I believe the background report indicated some of that as you’ve already testified that you understood.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A. Uh-huh.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Q. Okay.&nbsp; Did you understand if the birth father and Tribe came forward, that again, you would not be able to adopt this child?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A. If they – you mean if she were Cherokee?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Q. Right.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A. Yes</i>.” (Melanie Capobianco’s testimony, Sept. 2011) - - -<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- - - “<i>Q. What did you think would happen if the Indian Nation was alerted to the fact that this was an Indian child that you were trying to give up for adoption?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A. Well, I know that some things were going to come into effect, but I wasn’t for sure on what.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Q.&nbsp; Did you think it would help the adoption process or hurt it?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A. Well, I’m not for sure.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Q. Did you have any feeling on that either way?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>A. Well, I was worried about it</i>.” (Christy Maldonado’s testimony, Sept. 2011) - - - <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Yet, even with all of that, with their well-paid attorneys and long-time operating agency, they still try to make the claim that it was nothing more than an innocent mistake to not only misspell Dusten’s name but to also put down the wrong birth date on the paperwork submitted to the Cherokee Nation to determine whether or not Veronica was protected by her father’s citizenship in the tribe.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And yet, ironic, isn’t it, if they hadn’t done everything they could to deceive Dusten and block him from having any say, any protection, any representation in the fate of his daughter being given away for adoption, they would have had the exact and correct information needed.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But, that wasn’t the intent.&nbsp; Dusten was the barrier in the Capobiancos getting what they desired so there was no way they were going to reach out to him in any way.&nbsp; Not when he represented the threat keeping them away from the baby they were paying for.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And so Dusten lost, Veronica lost, while Matt and Melanie continued to take advantage of the situation, of the power and knowledge of the multi-billion dollar adoption industry, to gain, to fulfill what they wanted for their own satisfaction.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Then it came time for Veronica Rose Brown’s birth and the worst of the coercion and manipulation came into play.&nbsp; The process of cutting Dusten completely out of Christy’s and his unborn child’s life had worked well.&nbsp; The deception, the games, the lies, were good tactics against a solider training to deploy to a war zone to fight for our country.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He was limited to what he could do, any actions he could take to continue the frustrating task of trying to get Christy to respond to him, because he was preparing to fight for the very rights of those who were working behind his back to strip his own rights away from him<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because yes, Matt and Melanie Capobianco and all their money, the well-paid attorneys, the adoption agency, and even Christy, herself, worked hard, did all they could to make sure Dusten had no rights to his own child.&nbsp; They took every advantage of the fact that he was training and preparing to fight for their rights.&nbsp; Used his service to our country against him to benefit their own selfish desires and used his disadvantage – the orders and regulations that kept him unable to leave base, focused on the deployment coming up – to take his child away from him, without his knowledge, while he prepared to fight for our country.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And so they did, proudly in fact, take the last bit of everything away from Dusten.&nbsp; After being a part of the deception to cut him out of Christy’s and his unborn child’s life, they delivered the final knife to Dusten’s fight.&nbsp; They snubbed their nose at him, flashed the middle finger at the sacrifices he was giving for THEIR OWN rights, and willfully, and gleefully, invaded the intimacy of birth so that they could be the ones in the delivery room, cutting the umbilical cord of the baby girl they had bought and deceived away from her own parents.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And it was then, when another man dared to believe he could pay for, deceive and trick his way into taking Dusten’s place as Veronica Rose Brown’s father that the everyday, average soldier and father began his journey to so much more.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It was then that he took the first steps, without even knowing yet, from being not just a hero fighting for our country.&nbsp; But an even greater hero fighting for his daughter . . .&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; (To Be Continued)<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/StandingOurGroundForVeronicaBrown" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Standing Our Ground For Veronica Brown</i></span></a></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><a href="http://keepveronicahome.com/" target="_blank">Keep Veronica Home</a></i></span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Cassihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00274531213087340905noreply@blogger.com26tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-307291550763342626.post-73572721481860901512013-09-06T07:26:00.001-06:002013-09-06T07:26:54.411-06:00Veronica Rose Brown - Another Pawn In The Game<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-lU7cLjknbOA/Uilpd9_GMkI/AAAAAAAAA84/OErsXpZU4ew/s1600/w300-972cb7db480a7cb6e503b6f36f5e20c2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-lU7cLjknbOA/Uilpd9_GMkI/AAAAAAAAA84/OErsXpZU4ew/s1600/w300-972cb7db480a7cb6e503b6f36f5e20c2.jpg" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So, I’ve been procrastinating for most of the day.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I had a blog post I was working on, but it was close, it was personal and I was struggling.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So, in response, I was stalling.&nbsp; And what better way to stall then check out Facebook?&nbsp; Especially when it is so easy to minimize that big blank white page waiting for you to add a word and be rewarded with all the latest and greatest from your friends, family and groups.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That’s when I became aware that the support page for the Capobianco’s (so righteously claiming Veronica needs to be saved from her own family) ran and maintained by their own personal PR team - - because, hey, every couple wanting to take a child from a loving, capable father needs a PR team backing them - - had recently posted this . . . <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- - - “Veronica’s birth mother is devastated that the man who abandoned her and her daughter continues to dodge dealing with any consequences for his actions or lack thereof.&nbsp; Please pray that Christy will be reunited with Veronica again soon.” - - - <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I had to bite my tongue . . . hard . . . when it came to the ridiculous claims of abandoning her and Veronica and the mere suggestion that a father who has turned himself in TWICE to authorities because of his fight for his own daughter is somehow dodging consequences, because I knew better and I, really, don’t even wish to challenge that group.&nbsp; Just reading their comments is enough to make any First Parent or Adoptee who has gone through the loss of adoption come away feeling like they have been punched in the gut.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But I absolutely hate when anybody, especially adoptive parents, speak for a First Mother.&nbsp; Whether I agree with Christy or not.&nbsp; Whether I go back and forth from hating her for what she has done to worrying about the coercion and manipulation she, more than likely, has, and continues to, face, I am so tired of the Capobianco supporters placing her on that well-known, happy beemommie pedestal that so many of us First Moms know means nothing more than hailing us as heroes as long as we behave and speak as expected.&nbsp; As long as we degrade ourselves, our abilities to be a good mother, to reassure adoptive parents how good they are for saving our poor children from the terrible lives we would have offered them.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And so, for the second time ever, I posted to their page. (The first was to ask the page to keep Dusten’s older daughter out of the chaos – which the admins responded with yet another attack against Dusten instead of any respect or protection for the innocent child they were brining into the ugliness.)<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And the saddest thing is, I knew, going in, it would be my last time posting there.&nbsp; I knew, trying to stand up for Christy, for what she might be feeling, was going to bring the anger, the attacks.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And I was not proven wrong.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I spoke out ONLY for Christy, other First Moms and Adoptees.&nbsp; Forcing myself past the posts that called Dusten nothing more than a sperm donor.&nbsp; The declarations that fathers didn’t really deserve their equal rights.&nbsp; The continual attack against natural families and the foot-stomping, continuous demand - - “What about our rights” - - repeated by adoptive parents fighting so hard to strip natural parents, and worst of all, innocent children, of their own rights.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Here are the screen shots of the comments I was able to make before I was deleted and blocked from commenting for no other reason than I was standing up and speaking out for First Moms, Adoptees and the very person they claim to love and hold as some wonderful hero . . . Christy Maldonado.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-JraCZnvQqOw/Uilp-owdXOI/AAAAAAAAA9A/Z1y_JWOVp64/s1600/Capture.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="219" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-JraCZnvQqOw/Uilp-owdXOI/AAAAAAAAA9A/Z1y_JWOVp64/s320/Capture.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wpZxOKufLN0/Uilri7WjI3I/AAAAAAAAA9s/UpK0LTx_csY/s1600/Capture6.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="138" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wpZxOKufLN0/Uilri7WjI3I/AAAAAAAAA9s/UpK0LTx_csY/s320/Capture6.JPG" width="320" /></a></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; 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text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-IOA1cPusRpA/Uilr9oy8XkI/AAAAAAAAA98/aKKAuOyfOyw/s1600/Capture8.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="169" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-IOA1cPusRpA/Uilr9oy8XkI/AAAAAAAAA98/aKKAuOyfOyw/s320/Capture8.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-21AAz4S3UH4/UilsMJbn2HI/AAAAAAAAA-E/0yYQNbK7zmA/s1600/Capture9.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="197" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-21AAz4S3UH4/UilsMJbn2HI/AAAAAAAAA-E/0yYQNbK7zmA/s320/Capture9.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; 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text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-20VbW9y_jGs/Uils1m9MpoI/AAAAAAAAA-s/TEbi1mqM_KU/s1600/Capture13.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="208" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-20VbW9y_jGs/Uils1m9MpoI/AAAAAAAAA-s/TEbi1mqM_KU/s320/Capture13.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-cdQPkN0jEOc/UiltCFcce6I/AAAAAAAAA-0/QF5pVVD083Y/s1600/Capture14.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="275" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-cdQPkN0jEOc/UiltCFcce6I/AAAAAAAAA-0/QF5pVVD083Y/s320/Capture14.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-vs2DzNjOxTA/UiltO0k8PyI/AAAAAAAAA-8/FQap81QLtLU/s1600/Capture15.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="238" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-vs2DzNjOxTA/UiltO0k8PyI/AAAAAAAAA-8/FQap81QLtLU/s320/Capture15.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-NRpSYM9DGzY/Uilta93NwhI/AAAAAAAAA_E/m4CNpG69D9s/s1600/Capture16.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="143" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-NRpSYM9DGzY/Uilta93NwhI/AAAAAAAAA_E/m4CNpG69D9s/s320/Capture16.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Ag8mkS50Wyc/Uiltn7DnkZI/AAAAAAAAA_M/Zln36wgljO8/s1600/Capture17.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="152" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Ag8mkS50Wyc/Uiltn7DnkZI/AAAAAAAAA_M/Zln36wgljO8/s320/Capture17.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/--FJKq0bkuyw/Uilt2KZe9tI/AAAAAAAAA_Y/tcBNtTlOgOU/s1600/Capture19.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="132" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/--FJKq0bkuyw/Uilt2KZe9tI/AAAAAAAAA_Y/tcBNtTlOgOU/s320/Capture19.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Vcj8Da8tgpY/UiluEJVCwkI/AAAAAAAAA_k/3yHHzytmuFA/s1600/Capture20.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="137" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Vcj8Da8tgpY/UiluEJVCwkI/AAAAAAAAA_k/3yHHzytmuFA/s320/Capture20.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That was the line.&nbsp; That was as far as I was allowed to go before every one of my comments was deleted and I was blocked from posting any more.&nbsp; I was kicked out, erased, for speaking out about supporting Christy as well as other First Mothers and Adoptees, the very thing that page claims they love OH SO MUCH!<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The sad truth is, they don’t’ give a damn about First Mothers, &nbsp;Adoptees, and saddest of all, Christy or Veronica.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">They support and encourage Veronica becoming an Adoptee, losing her identity, her equal rights, to satisfy the selfish desires of the Capobiancos.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And they care about Christy only so far as they can use her in the same way so many First Mothers are used by Adoptive Parents . . . to lift up their own egos, reassure them that their adoption was proof of doing the right thing and saving a child from some terrible life with their own natural family.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">They have elevated Christy to almost “Saint” status, but that obviously comes with a cost – she must act, say and perform in their own required way.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As of the last time I checked, right before writing this, not a one of those supporters commented, cared, or showed one ounce of concern in really and truly learning how best to support and help Christy.&nbsp; Every word I said about helping her, protecting her, supporting her, was deleted, erased, because they don’t want to be bothered with anything that might equal grief or pain. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">They only want to hold Christy up as a hero to justify their fight to preserve adoption as they want it to be practiced – through deception, coercion and manipulation.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Regardless of the reasons why Christy did what she did, there is no question she is being used and manipulated by the Capobiancos and their supporters.&nbsp; It’s not truly about her, about her feelings.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s about what she can offer to those who are so desperate to use her pain, her loss to satisfy their own wants and desires.<br /><!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br /><!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And this, in their own words towards me for daring to speak up for Christy, for First Mothers and Adoptees, is the best proof I can offer to just how much they really give a damn . . .</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-i-uG3pZ6Slc/Uil1-EcBKEI/AAAAAAAABAA/aOBY46-9m_4/s1600/Capture2a.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="182" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-i-uG3pZ6Slc/Uil1-EcBKEI/AAAAAAAABAA/aOBY46-9m_4/s320/Capture2a.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5ONSuSMPpYc/Uil2Nq1BxnI/AAAAAAAABAI/UbhcL8RigU0/s1600/Capture3a.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="62" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5ONSuSMPpYc/Uil2Nq1BxnI/AAAAAAAABAI/UbhcL8RigU0/s320/Capture3a.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-HwVCYVr4ycg/Uil2YX8ZQCI/AAAAAAAABAQ/iaDDf9-lRHY/s1600/Capture5a.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="57" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-HwVCYVr4ycg/Uil2YX8ZQCI/AAAAAAAABAQ/iaDDf9-lRHY/s320/Capture5a.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4SViZHWZ-rc/Uil2hTGiOgI/AAAAAAAABAY/VbXUOtoDXXI/s1600/Capture6a.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; 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margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="133" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Jzc9kFz0YvI/Uil20PY1AfI/AAAAAAAABAo/IPPFdIc0hLQ/s320/Capture8a.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5Tcj222AP-c/Uil27LKe8dI/AAAAAAAABAw/0J0rKjeVOQ4/s1600/Capture10a.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="57" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5Tcj222AP-c/Uil27LKe8dI/AAAAAAAABAw/0J0rKjeVOQ4/s320/Capture10a.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-oji0M-B0xEY/Uil3CiTdckI/AAAAAAAABA4/RWOZGur42CU/s1600/Capture11a.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="132" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-oji0M-B0xEY/Uil3CiTdckI/AAAAAAAABA4/RWOZGur42CU/s320/Capture11a.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MSawvLkd72w/Uil3Lv9tYNI/AAAAAAAABBA/3SYIrGjnpj4/s1600/Capture13a.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="92" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MSawvLkd72w/Uil3Lv9tYNI/AAAAAAAABBA/3SYIrGjnpj4/s320/Capture13a.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1d7dpBK4cj0/Uil3UUR1F-I/AAAAAAAABBI/5lfEZLfGtq4/s1600/Capture14a.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="39" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1d7dpBK4cj0/Uil3UUR1F-I/AAAAAAAABBI/5lfEZLfGtq4/s320/Capture14a.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And, to end with, my favorite of them all.&nbsp; Because really, when you can’t think of new and creative ways to attack a First Mother standing up for other First Mothers and Adoptees, you are left to resort to this . . .</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-hZ9gStN7jw8/Uil3sGXcIWI/AAAAAAAABBQ/rVvSUL7uDMc/s1600/Capture15a.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="27" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-hZ9gStN7jw8/Uil3sGXcIWI/AAAAAAAABBQ/rVvSUL7uDMc/s320/Capture15a.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Not one single person had any comment, any question about how they could truly help Christy.&nbsp; Where they might be able to go to learn, to understand what she might be going through.&nbsp; Or might face in the future.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There was not a single mention about protecting her by the Capobiancos doing whatever they could to make it legally binding that Christy remain in Veronica’s life.&nbsp; Not a single concern about the fact that she could be completely shut off without a second thought if that is what they chose to do.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Regardless of the reasons why Christy did what she did.&nbsp; Whether she truly is just an evil woman out to deceive and harm Dusten or a mother who is another of many victims to the coercion and manipulation of the adoption industry, none of that changes the fact that she is now nothing more than another pawn being used to tear Veronica away from her family.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">All their praise, setting her up high on that pedestal, will never change the fact that Christy has now joined the long line of First Mothers before her, and after her, being used and controlled so that others will benefit off, not just her loss, but the terrible loss of her own child.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Perhaps someday, she will follow in Dusten’s footsteps and find the courage to stand up and speak out.&nbsp; Maybe there will come a time when she will realize just how terribly she is being used, how much suffering her own daughter is being put through for those that claim they care about her but show, in their own words, they truly don’t.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Someday, I hope, she will find the strength to no longer be their pawn and instead realize true courage, true heroes, stand up and fight for their children – just as Dusten has done for four years.&nbsp; Just as Christy could do now if she was finally able to break free from the damaging hold the Capobiancos and their supporters have over here.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There’s always hope . . . right?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/StandingOurGroundForVeronicaBrown" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Standing Our Ground For Veronica Brown</span></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><a href="http://keepveronicahome.com/" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Keep Veronica Home</span></a></div>Cassihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00274531213087340905noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-307291550763342626.post-53995667516257785112013-08-30T10:34:00.000-06:002013-08-30T10:34:21.300-06:00Dear Christy Maldonado . . .<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-3SVF9sJsX9Q/UiDG_7XoPVI/AAAAAAAAA8Q/fGtJUjzUZLU/s1600/Birth-mother-and-Veronica.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-3SVF9sJsX9Q/UiDG_7XoPVI/AAAAAAAAA8Q/fGtJUjzUZLU/s1600/Birth-mother-and-Veronica.jpg" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You don’t know me and I don’t know you.&nbsp; Though I have had the opportunity to communicate and learn more of the truth about your attorney,&nbsp;</span><a href="http://www.adoption-truth.com/2013/08/to-lori-alvino-mcgill-part-two.html" target="_blank"><i>Lori Alvino McGill</i></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We do have some things in common though.&nbsp; We are both mothers. We both gave a child up for adoption.&nbsp; And we both have our own blame to hold for the fathers of our children being denied their rights to their own flesh and blood.&nbsp; Whether our intentions were genuine, or through fear and uncertainty, we have both played our part in telling the fathers of our children that they aren’t important in their own child’s life - -&nbsp;</span><a href="http://www.adoption-truth.com/2011/04/worst-guilt.html" target="_blank"><i>The Worst Guilt</i></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For you, though, I know it goes much further than that.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In all that has happened with your daughter, Veronica Rose Brown, you are either hailed as a saint for giving your baby away or a monster for trying to take away Dusten Brown’s chance to keep and raise his child.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I hope, in reality, you are somewhere in between.&nbsp; For Veronica’s sake, I pray that there will be a middle ground for her to understand some day because viewing her mother, who is a part of her, as a saint for giving her away or a monster for keeping her from her father, will only serve to add yet another struggle for her to deal with.&nbsp; And she doesn’t deserve that any more than she deserves what is happening to her now.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But who really is that person who might be in the middle of all the opinions, views and representations. Who are you, truly, at the heart of all this with so many people talking for you, claiming to know your reasons, your intentions?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I recently read the&nbsp;</span><a href="http://www.adoptionbirthmothers.com/veronica-rose-brown-court-documents-dead-beat-dad-truth/" target="_blank"><i>transcripts</i></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">&nbsp;from your cross-examinations in Family Court and the deceptions, the need, to cover up the full truth was so clear in your responses.&nbsp; In your attempt to avoid giving solid, believable answers to what led up to Veronica being given up for adoption without Dusten’s knowledge.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">. . . “I do not find birth mother’s testimony credible” - - - Excerpt from Judge Malphrus’s Bench Ruling . . .<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And I can’t help but wonder what truths you were trying to hide.&nbsp; What actually happened in that time between when you learned you were pregnant and gave Veronica up for adoption.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What is undisputed is that you and Dusten were engaged prior to learning of your pregnancy.&nbsp; That once he learned of your pregnancy, he wanted to get married sooner than what was originally planned and that you broke off the engagement because of his desire to get married at an earlier date . . .<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">. . . “Q. &nbsp;You testified - - Well why did you break up - - why did you break off the engagement with my client?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin-left: 30.75pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A.<span style="font-size: 7pt;">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; </span><!--[endif]-->Okay.&nbsp; Because he was pressuring me.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Q.&nbsp;&nbsp; Because &nbsp;he was pressuring you to do what?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; A.&nbsp;&nbsp; To get married.” - - - Excerpt from cross-examination on September 13, 2011 . . . <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Nobody can fault you if you truly did not want to get married.&nbsp; We’ve come a long way from the time when women, like my own mother, were expected to marry, without choice, because they were pregnant.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But how did you go from not wanting to marry Dusten to deciding to give his own child away without his notice . . . <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">. . . “Q.&nbsp; And according to you, and I can refresh your memory if you don’t recall, but you told this - - this individual with Nightlight that you had not told my client about your plans to adopt the child.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; A.&nbsp; Right.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Q.&nbsp; And the truth is he had no idea you intended to adopt this child, did he?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; A.&nbsp; No.” - - - Excerpt from cross-examination on September 13, 2011 . . . <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It’s hard to imagine, or even assume, how you could go from agreeing to marry him, to becoming pregnant, to breaking the engagement because he wanted to get married sooner after learning of the pregnancy, to deciding the best thing to do was to give Veronica up for adoption without telling Dusten of your plans.&nbsp;&nbsp;<o:p></o:p></span><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nPnuo4UmUV4/UiDHcNr87gI/AAAAAAAAA8Y/HkLO7tj8OLc/s1600/1282_1372178510.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nPnuo4UmUV4/UiDHcNr87gI/AAAAAAAAA8Y/HkLO7tj8OLc/s320/1282_1372178510.jpg" width="179" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Perhaps those are answers that nobody, but you, yourself, will ever know.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But why the ultimate decision to give Veronica away?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Was it because you truly didn’t want the responsibility of another child to raise?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Was it because you were angry at Dusten and wanted to hurt him in the worst way possible through the loss of his daughter?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Or was it because Nightlife Adoption Agency allowed, or led, you to believe that you were not good enough for Veronica?&nbsp; That you could prove you loved her by giving her away?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I know, in the reality of it all, you don’t owe me, or anyone else answers . . . except for Veronica. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Except for your little girl who needs you now more than ever.&nbsp; Who desperately needs you to step up and speak out about the truth of what happened.&nbsp; To end this chaos that has become her life and allow her the right to be raised in a happy, normal life with her natural family.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Reading through your cross-examination, there is no question that you are hiding the full truth.&nbsp; That, for whatever reason, you felt it best to be deceptive in your answers to protect either yourself or those around you who have pushed themselves into the controlling position in your life.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And they have pushed themselves into the position of controlling you, there is no doubt about it.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Their money, their gifts, their benefits, are meant for only one reason – to keep you as their ally.&nbsp; To keep your voice on their side.&nbsp; Though you might not see it, those who are offering you so much, helping you out to such an extreme, are not truly concerned about you or Veronica.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What they truly care about is the power of your voice, your truth.&nbsp; And as long as they can control you through providing benefits and advantages they believe you would never know otherwise, they are secure in believing you would never expose any of them for the truth of what happened.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But, regardless of what you might have been led to believe, you are worth more than that.&nbsp; You are not the “less-than” who should be grateful for what they have offered you.&nbsp; You are not their puppet who must do what they desire because they have presented themselves as having more than you, being more deserving than you could ever be.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And you do not owe them anything.&nbsp; You have no reason to feel sympathy for them or believe it is up to you to fulfill the desires and needs they pile on your shoulders.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Your fear is what they thrive on.&nbsp; The manipulation and coercion they have used against you is what reassures them that you would never speak out about the truth of what happened.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Please trust me when I tell you that they need you to be weak for their own gain.&nbsp; It isn’t about you or about Veronica.&nbsp; It’s about them.&nbsp; It’s about giving you whatever they can to ensure you won’t speak the truth.&nbsp; Won’t even think about standing up and protesting what is happening to an, innocent little girl.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But none of that changes the fact that Veronica needs you, now more than ever.&nbsp; She needs you to find the strength and courage to break away from the manipulation you are facing.&nbsp; To look truly and honestly at what is happening, outside of the money, the gifts, the benefits, you are receiving and stand up for what is right, what is true, what is the best interest of Veronica.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I don’t know how to stress to you, reach out to you, with the importance of what you are facing right now with your daughter, with her desperate need for you to do the right thing.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And, perhaps I am traveling down the wrong path.&nbsp; Because I, honestly, have no way of knowing if you truly are facing the coercion and manipulation that is so prominent in the adoption industry.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Perhaps you are one of the few who just doesn’t want to parent and so chooses to give up their child to be spared the responsibility.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Or perhaps you are still carrying whatever anger you had toward Dusten and will play this out to the very end, only satisfied when he is left hurting and bleeding, without giving a damn about the damage Veronica will suffer in the process.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Hcj7uQMTQes/UiDHsWIJc-I/AAAAAAAAA8g/ChGDg9F34Qc/s1600/2714292_G.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="180" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Hcj7uQMTQes/UiDHsWIJc-I/AAAAAAAAA8g/ChGDg9F34Qc/s320/2714292_G.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But maybe . . . just maybe . . . your reality is closer to mine and so many other mothers.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And it’s on that chance, that possibility, that I reach out to you, for Veronica’s sake.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There is something, some reason behind your evasive and deceptive responses to the cross-examination you went through back in September 2011.&nbsp; And if there is even the slimmest chance that any one of us can understand and help you,&nbsp; then we have done good by you, and most important, by Veronica.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">No matter what has been said, how you have been judged, I promise you, without hesitation, that there are many who &nbsp;will support you, help you, stand by your side if you find the courage and strength to break free from what is controlling you and choose to speak the truth for yourself and for Veronica.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I know they seem strong and powerful.&nbsp; I know it is beyond frightening to even think about defying their power, especially after all they have given you to keep your words in line with what they want the public to hear.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But, please, PLEASE, hear me when I tell you they don’t control the power.&nbsp; They don’t control you.&nbsp; And they, definitely, don’t control your daughter.&nbsp; Whatever fear you might face by breaking away from them, so many of us know and understand.&nbsp; Whatever guilt they have led you to feel, loyalty they have made you believe you owe them, is the same as so many of have known and finally found the best of freedoms by breaking away from it.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Veronica needs you now more now than she ever has.&nbsp; She needs your honesty, your courage, your bravery.&nbsp; Those who are providing for you, guiding you, expecting so much from you mean nothing.&nbsp; No matter how terrifying it might seem to break away from them and their expectations, I can promise you that you won’t regret it when it comes to, years down the road, realizing you faced every obstacle, fear and threat, to stand up for Veronica and what was best for her.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And, honestly, regardless of your reasons for giving Veronica up for adoption, you are being used and, worst of all, your innocent daughter is being used to contribute to the gain and profit of an adoption industry and desperate couples who fear what would happen if the truth of this case, and so many other cases before and after it, came to light.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There is no question that Veronica is worth so much more than this.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For Veronica, for your sweet, innocent daughter, have the courage and love to stand up, break free from the power over you, and fight for what is best for your child.&nbsp; For Veronica’s right to be raised in her natural family, where she will always belong.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"> </div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It is, no matter what you have been told, the most loving thing you could ever do for her.</span><o:p></o:p></div></div>Cassihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00274531213087340905noreply@blogger.com8