I’d owned weakholidays.com for ages but had never done anything with it. One night, a brilliant idea came to me in a dream: I would write about William Shakespeare having bad experiences whilst on holiday.

It was so obvious, I didn’t know why I hadn’t thought of it before.

Just to confirm that this was indeed the best plan of all time, I emailed my friend Rob. For reasons known only to himself, Rob failed to unthinkingly agree with me and suggested that maybe William Shakespeare wasn’t the best protagonist.

What a dick!

Yes, exactly. Like any right-thinking individual, I was incensed by this ludicrous assertion. I challenged Rob to come up with a better subject and he suggested Toadfish Rebecchi from the Australian soap opera, Neighbours.

Clearly this was a shit idea, but I was prepared to go along with it if I could get some web pages out of it for free.

Okay then, I said. If you think Toadfish Rebecchi is a better bet than William Shakespeare, prove it. Write some stories about Toadfish Rebecchi having bad holiday experiences, I’ll do the same with Shakespeare and we’ll see which are best.

What did Rob say?

Rob said no.

Did you do your story anyway, to highlight how you were amazing and he was crap?