I like it, but it seems sorta choppy...I dunno. It's well written and it seems like you have a great plot set up but it seems like it's rushed and trying to just get to the actual story. Maybe slow it down a bit? And to be honest, I don't really get much of a feel for the MC, though I can see where your trying to go with her.

And to clarify what I was talking about earlier, it seems like your just summarizing her life instead of maybe letting the story explaining it.

Anyway, I hope it helps. Feel free to rereview!
~LilyFire

Author's Response: Hmm, I think I understand what you're saying. I'll have to go back and re-read that, see if I can fix it.