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“Enjoy every minute”

They grow up so fast. I recently started taking my younger son to a program that I had taken his older brother to when he was also 16 months. It feels like yesterday that I was there with his brother. The class gave me a moment to step back and see really how fast it all goes.

If it goes so fast, why do I feel that my daily dose of patience keeps getting smaller?

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how I want to cherish the moments, enjoy this time, and believe me, I do. But, there is something funny about how I can feel so many different feelings towards my toddler in the same minute.

Last week we celebrated Mother’s Day. I was thinking about the irony of Mother’s Day. This is a day where we are supposed to celebrate the Moms in our lives and if you are one, being a Mother yourself. I didn’t do real research, but I believe if you asked most Moms how they want to spend the day, most will say “Sleep in” or “Spa by myself” or “Eat a meal with no one bothering me” and I think you get the point. They want some time alone – guilt free.

{I am going to stop here for a second because I feel like I can’t continue without saying this. For many, Mother’s day is a very hard day, especially if you are suffering from infertility and yearn to be able to celebrate this day. I hope if a reader is reading this who feels that way, I don’t mean to be offensive in this post. I realize 100% how my children are truly miracles and I am beyond grateful for that, and I hope your journey albeit long and painful does end with love}.

I was thinking about how, on occasion, (sometimes more than occasion) I will count the minutes at night until I can put my kids to bed. 7:00 pm hits and I have ME time. Then somewhere along the night, the strangest thing happens – I MISS MY KIDS. How is this possible?! I was counting the minutes to put them to sleep and then I want to wake them up to give them hugs and kisses and tell them I love them. (I said want – I don’t actually do it) Am I crazy or is this normal?

I love my kids so much that its a physical love that you can’t control. And I feel like that when I go pick up my son from school. It is surprising to me how so quickly I can feel so annoyed with him. I know I’m not wrong to feel annoyed – toddler behavior is the epitome of annoying. The meltdown because I parked in the garage and not the driveway, or being treated like I committed a crime because when I peeled open the banana a piece broke off.

I know I’m not alone in this, there are twitter accounts and websites dedicated to the “reasons my kid is crying.” In those moments, I close my eyes and pretend I’m back with my girlfriends laying in the sun on a beach. Unfortunately, I open my eyes and I’m still enjoying the lovely tantrum.

My son knows by now that the tantrum isn’t going to get him anything, and they don’t last so long – and many times he’s just tired or hungry or both and he just NEEDS to cry. Why? Because he is 3, and that’s what 3 year olds do. And just as quickly as he turned into a monster, he turns back into the sweetest boy who just wants a hug and to sit on his mom’s lap. And just like that I went from missing him during the day, overpowering love when I picked him up, frustration and annoyance at something he did and then right back into wanting to hold him forever on my lap.

So yes, if given a true choice many Mom’s would spend Mother’s Day sleeping in and doing something nice for themselves, but then when Dad sends a pic of the smiling kids, you want to be right back there with them. I was trying to think if there was anything else like that. Anything else where you can crave to be away and then actually want to be there at the same time. Don’t get me wrong, I would still take sleeping in and a nice massage, but I definitely want to come home to hugs and cuddles.

The reason for this post? We are always told to “enjoy every minute” and “they grow up so fast.” And you know what? It’s true. So even when a day can feel long or hard, and even when you want to close your eyes and be anywhere but there, I need to extend my patience. My daily dose of patience needs to get larger. Sometimes it takes realizing that it feels like yesterday that he was 16 months. It’s hard to remember that they aren’t just an adult in a kid’s body, they aren’t robots, they are children. Children who are figuring out how to deal with disappointment, even if it’s just that the banana broke.