'Real Housewives of New York City' recap, episode 7, the royal wars

Well, we pick up this week back in London as the ladies finish off their quick girls' trip.

We're quickly thrown into the crazy mix when Sonja announces that she is going to ice her face in the bidet. Only Ms. Sonja Morgan would do such a thing with so much grace and nonchalance.

Later, Sonja arranges for the girls to play croquet. As Sonja says, "When in London, one must pay croquet." But the friendly game quickly becomes competitive between LuAnn and Carole.

The Princess's inner competitor was provoked and proves her skill when she beats the Countess. Princess: 1, Countess: 0.

As the night goes on, Carole gets more and more annoyed with LuAnn and comments on the fact that she constantly one-ups people. "She's the one-upper. She will match you and raise you something crazy."

It actually starts to get out of hand when LuAnn tries to relate to Carole about writing a book since she wrote her autobiography "Class with the Countess."

Okay, LuAnn, I understand that you wrote a book about being "classy" but where in your book does it say it's okay to make your company at dinner feel inadequate?

Of course, right when she leaves the table the girls start talking about her. Carole complains about the one-upping while Sonja wishes LuAnn would let her be the first to enter a room for once (#firstworldproblems).

Heather has sensed that LuAnn is starting to ware on Carole so she tries to ease the awkwardness by subtly bringing up the other girls' feelings when Carole and Sonja go to the bathroom.

The whole thing goes totally over LuAnn's head and she has no idea that she is talking about her. Instead, she assumes it's about Ramona and proceeds to go off topic. Heather notes that LuAnn doesn't really pay attention to anything outside of herself.

The ladies are now back in NYC and Sonja is back in business mode. Reid and Aviva's anniversary party is quickly approaching and Sonja, who has agreed to plan it, has to get everything set up for the party.

She rolls up to the venue with one of her interns (I swear, every episode she has a different intern with her) and begins preparing for the event.

Meanwhile, Carole and Aviva are at a salon getting ready for the party. Carole updates Aviva on what went down in London. She tells her about LuAnn and says, "I like LuAnn, but I can't quite get who she is."

Don't worry, Carole, none of us can. One second she is perfectly nice but the next she can underhandedly put you down.

What's even more interesting is that Carole is just completely turned off when LuAnn talks about royalty. Carole explains that her late husband never talked about it and how it was hardly a big deal to him. It must be real culture shock for ya, Carole, because LuAnn can't go an entire episode without mentioning that she is a Countess.

Later that night the whole gang heads to Aviva and Reid's fifth anniversary party. Aviva is pretty pleased with the event when she first arrives but as the night goes on, Sonja's party planning fouls surface.

Some tips for Sonja the next time she plans a party:

Make sure there is food at the event.

Do whatever you can to avoid a fire alarm going off at a party for someone who immediately turns to worst-case-scenarios.

Next time your hire a "band" make sure they have instruments and a classy set list, not dancers and a Britney Spears headset.

Watch out for your guest with one leg-- the last thing you want is for her to fall down the stairs ...

The band at the party was just embarrassing and uncomfortable. Aviva and the rest of the guests were obviously putting on a polite face but we know that they were cringing on the inside like I was.

After the performance, Reid gave Aviva a heartfelt and touching speech. Aviva returned the favor by reading her poem. Yes, a poem. And a poem that in fact had many uncomfortable sexual references.

Later in the evening Heather approaches Ramona to try to once again bury the hatchet and start fresh. Instead Ramona tells her that she is fake and phony and the last thing she wants to do is be friends with someone like that.

Heather doesn't let her off the hook that easily. She literally follows her the rest of the night trying to get her talk to her.

Meanwhile Sonja is thoroughly entertained by the whole thing. And frankly, so was I. Ramona has truly met her match. Instead of yelling right back at her, Heather plays it cool and smiles (which totally freaks Ramona out).

Finally Heather gives up and LuAnn says the most brilliant thing she has said this season: Heather has been stung by the "Singer Stinger" and is experiencing the "Ramona-coaster." It's a ride we're all familiar with.