Motherhood and Binah

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Thanks so much for this! My child is not so little, but I am really struggling with parenting him right now. You reminded me of that time when he was so tiny when I picked up Dr. Spock’s book and read that first line…. “You already know more than you think you do.” I never read any further. I took that sentence and decided to follow my heart and just parent my child. Today I will endeavor to continue that path. I have not been a perfect parent, far from it, but I have been the very best parent I could be – and that will have to be enough.

It is so true that “you already know more than you think you do”. No parents are perfect… I really believe that children are given to parents in order to challenge them (and children are given their parents in order to challenge them as well!) and that mistakes really necessary for us to grow closer and learn. Wishing lots of clarity with your current parenting struggles! <3

I love the point you made about how we have lost touch with our binah because we are constantly running to the computer and going to the public sector to deal with our problems instead of sitting with them. I am definitely taking that to heart!

My friend is a teacher and last spring she took a class of kindergarten children for 3 months. There was one little boy in that class that was uncontrollable. My friend went home and prayed to G-d, “what can I do with this child?” Soon an idea formulated in her mind and, though it was out of what she would normally be comfortable with, she implemented (with the approval of the principle) the idea with just this one child. The transformation was amazing and worked for the full time she implemented it. The last day of school, because it was the last day, she did not follow through with this “idea” and the child reverted immediately to off the wall behaviour.

How often we lean to our own understanding or run to everything and/or everyone for advice on whatever problem we have when it is really G-d we need to seek, who is wisdom and understanding, who created us and knows each of us so intimately. To me, binah is that knowledge/understanding from G-d on how to deal with a situation that we would not have known otherwise by our own methods of deduction … we just need to take the problem to Him and wait on Him for the answer … and then do what He shows us to do! Proverbs 3:5,6

I very much like listening to what you share on your videos and in your writings because it makes me think. I hope you don’t mind me writing back. I won’t be offended if you don’t post my reply … just my thoughts back.

Hello! I enjoyed this video. You have basically described my own experience over the past 3 years, and reminded me that I must not forget what I have learned through that experience.

While pregnant with my son, I read many books and online writings in an attempt to map out the perfect parenting plan. During his infancy, if I discovered that something was not working for our situation, I returned to literature and the internet in search of a new approach. There was so much information out there – information from “experts” who knew the “business of children and parenting” – surely something had to be right for us. As you said, I came across pros and cons for every method on any given subject and while the pros had me all for it, the cons could very easily dissuade me. On occasion, I placed my faith in a “trusted” resource only to find its recommendations were not working, yet I continued in them a bit longer anyway. Even though trepidation bubbled within me, my brain reasoned that there were books and online forums devoted to these methods so they must eventually work in time. I never felt like I knew what was right for my own child. I felt like I had no control. After awhile, this feeling did not sit well with me. I examined what I knew about myself. I believed in the great connection between mother and child. I believed that G-d created my body to instinctively put forth this child at the naturally appointed time, with no help (except as is necessary in a medical emergency), and if G-d created my body to instinctively deliver this child, surely G-d created my Being to instinctively mother this child.

Once I realized that I had been parenting by books instead of by binah (though I did not call it that at the time), I was able to release the doubts I had about my own natural inclinations, and trust that I truly did know what was best for my child. I still use the internet and printed resources for parenting advice from time to time, but instead of expecting to find a no-fail one-size-fits-all answer, I am now simply gaining ideas that can be molded to fit our individual situation.

It’s wonderful that you have a grasp on this issue already. I wish you great joy and blessings when it is your time for motherhood!

Thank you so much for this message Andrea. My husband and I adopted two of the most amazing boys. We adopted our first child at age 5, (3 years ago) and what an adjustment we’ve had. We always say “Anyone could have parented him, but G-d chose us, because He wanted to change us.” The challenges of raising a child from foster care, some days feel overwhelming. So although we prayed that we’d be blessed with another child, we were still feeling over our heads with the first one. We purchased a lot of reading materials and seminars which quite honestly, only made me feel worst about myself. By the time we got the call to adopt our second son who is 3.5 years old, which was only 3 months ago. I was feeling pretty low, so that every frustrating day, every raise of my voice, made me feel worst about myself and my mothering approach.

I went to breakfast with an amazing mother who told me “Honey, this is the hardest part of your life, but your going to blink and it will be over! You need to ask G-d every morning to get you through the day and thank him every night you didn’t die or kill someone!” She said this jokingly, but it meant the world to me. I don’t need to make myself sick that when my child is being lazy about something, it means he’s going to live in my basement as an adult! I need to realize that I can only guide him one event and one day at a time and let G-d direct his Path!

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