When we seek validation from others, we give away our power by letting them define our worth. If your worth depends on your partner’s validation, you won’t say what’s really on your mind and how you feel. You’ll censor your words and emotions in order to get your partner’s love, approval and acceptance.

The less validation you seek from others, the more you can define and know your own worth based on “I am enough”. We tend to base our worth just on the good parts of us. But, knowing your true worth takes courage because it requires examining, confronting and embracing your dark side (e.g. self-perceived bad aspects about yourself, limiting thoughts and beliefs, irrational fears, shame, perfection, things you try to hide from others, etc.).

When you don’t accept and love all of who you are – the good and self perceived bad – you’ll feel disconnected to your partner. What’s happening is that you’re actually projecting the separation you feel with yourself onto your partner. This keeps you from a deep, meaningful connection.

When you accept and love yourself, you’ll express yourself freely without fear of what your partner thinks of you. You’ll be able to be vulnerable by letting your guard down and being open to what is and what might happen.

Why is vulnerability essential to love?

Vulnerability is essential to love because the more you can let someone in, the more they can get to know the real you. When you’re both relating and connecting based on who you both are, there are two of you in the relationship, communicating cleanly, feeling heard and understanding each other.