Firstly, did Sagan say he sincerely apologizes for what he did on the podium, or for what he did on the bottom? I guess it really doesn't matter since either one fits. Secondly, is there really nobody close to Sagan who was able to coach him on how to apologize to a woman for molesting her? Apparently not--though that's not surprising, since we are talking about Europeans here. Anyway, next time (and there will be a next time, since Sagan has "serial sex offender" written all over him) he should follow these rules:

1) Put a shirt on. A real shirt, with a collar. Not a white t-shirt with a stretched neckhole that you put on five seconds before filming.

2) For chrissakes, put on some pants! (I see no evidence that he's wearing pants, so until I do I'm going to assume otherwise.)

3) Find a nice setting, like a rose garden or one of those pretty European town squares or something. Don't sit in a corner of your motel room like you're watching adult videos and taking way too much time to apply your chamois cream.

4) Form your mouth around the words you're saying. Don't mumble like your mommy is making you do this. Otherwise you come off as shifty and untrustworthy. I mean seriously, if he can't pull this one off, how is he going to get through the inevitable positive doping test?

But perhaps the harshest criticism came from Mario Cipollini:

(Cipollini didn't bother putting on pants either.)

As far as Cipollini is concerned, it's not harassment unless the podium girl is impregnated and tests positive for at least two (2) STDs.

Court filings from organizers Bike New York show that for the first time in the popular ride's 35-year-history, NYPD has deemed the tour a "non-charitable event," thus entitling the department to foist their $967,534 services upon the ride...
Each year, the Five Boro Bike Tour attracts something like 32,000 riders, almost all of whom slip on ill-fitting half-shorts and ride bicycles equipped with pie plates and bar ends pointed straight up into the sky. Therefore, if the organizers were to foist the NYPD service fee onto the riders, that works out to about $30 per rider, which would really eat into their budget for irritating noisemakers and helment-mounted pinwheels. However, I suspect they won't have to pay it, because according to the New York Times the basis for the charge is that the city now classifies the ride as a "noncharitable athletic parade:"

The city says that under its new rule, the tour classifies as a “noncharitable athletic parade,” in the same category as the marathon, the New York City Triathlon and many smaller events.

Foolishly the city has sown the seeds of its own demise in that ruling, because classifying the Five Boro Bike Tour as "athletic" is extremely charitable:

Still, I acknowledge that the NYPD does need to be paid so they can continue to provide cyclists with excellent service like this:

Cyclist struck by NY Yellow Cab (Williamsburg)Just past midnight on Saturday (technically Sunday morning 12:15 AM) I was struck while riding my bicycle by NYC taxicab deliberately from behind. Several pedestrians came to my assistance after witnessing the accident, though all left before police arrived. A second cabbie claimed I had attacked the driver that rammed his car into my bike. I was arrested and am being charged with Criminal Mischief and face jail time & fines. If you were there, or witnessed what happened please call ASAP. Any help you can provide would be appreciated, especially if you were the passengers in the cab that hit me!

Arrested after getting hit by a taxicab while riding a bicycle? Just imagine what the cops would do if he drove a car into a bus stop and hit ten people, leaving a small child brain dead. Yeah, that's right, they'd let him go:

Witnesses told the Daily News that the unnamed driver, who was hospitalized along with a passenger, was speeding before the crash. That she jumped a curb and hit multiple people with a vehicle is not in dispute. Nevertheless, NYPD apparently concluded its work with characteristic haste. As early as 10:27 p.m. Saturday, less than four hours after the incident, the Post reported: “Police do not believe the crash was a crime.” A Post follow-up published this morning reads: “Cops said the driver passed a breath-alcohol test and would not be charged.”

By the way, if you ever need a valid excuse for running a red light, mowing down ten people, and destroying their lives, here you go:

Police told DNAinfo that the driver, 48, “accidentally” hit the accelerator instead of the brake as she approached a red light at Utica and Church: “As she swerved to avoid colliding with the traffic around her, the vehicle jumped onto the sidewalk, hitting up to nine pedestrians, police said.”

If I'm ever stopped by the police on my bicycle I'm going to explain that I accidentally hit the pedals instead of the brake.

In any case, if you need something sickly sweet to wash the taste of injustice out of your mouth, here you go:

Judging from this video, the only way an American city can be truly bike-friendly is if the population is both homogenous and heavily medicated.

Posted this late in the day yesterday, wanted to share/force it on you:

If you could make a graph of my level of interest/excitement at the Sagan story, it would look like a bunch of stairsteps. A professional cyclist (flatline at zero) named Sagan (up half a notch purely by association with Carl Sagan) grabbed the ass (up a notch) of a podium girl (up two notches) and now a bunch of people have opinions about it (back to zero).

The podium got a bit narstee with some Argee Bargee as Peter Sagan was a cat amongst the pigeons this last weekend. In a workmanlike group, Cancellara's Left-Tenant lighted the blue touch-paper and like a Trojan, man handled the wrong podium girl. The elastic was snapped, a pedal turned in anger and boom-boom, out went the lights as Sagan was slapped across the face by an irate woman.

Truly horrific shit happens in the world. Some of this bad shit is worth getting excited over. Peter Sagan touching a girl's bum does not fall into either category. Give me your proposal to end world hunger and create world peace. Then, if those work out, I'll entertain someone's righteous indignation about a crude but harmless joke. But if it makes anyone feel any better, I propose a simple solution--let there be podium boys at all the women's races, and let the runners-up fondle the boys' butts to their hearts content. I'm sure the boys will be humiliated beyond description!

is it that easy to make a little film/vignette sort of a thing these days?

i am just stunned by how many of these videos seem to get made in portland on a daily basis.

cue spring day and lame hippie catawalling music - pan cyclist from a distance of 100 yards - cut to close up of drivetrain - pull out to shot of revelers merry making at a racist coffee shop that doesn't serve black people - now slow motion shot of 5 penis face hipters riding along in a park.....

Let's see... a 23 year old guy that just spent a few hundred kilometers crammed together with a bunch of gaunt, sweaty guys mounts (yes - I used that word on purpose) the podium after probably some celebratory adult beverages and is immediately within reach of a hot, scantily clad podium girl's bum.

A. If I was an NYC tax payer, I'd be rejoicing over not having to pay policing costs for some "athletic" event.B. If I was a 5 Borough participant, I'd take every opportunity to let the NYPD know that I PAY YOUR SALARY, ASSHAT!C. If I was "A", I'd also get to watch "B" getting tasered.

I was considering a rear-entry moistness check. I usually start with a butt pinch, though. If she's already.....ahem.....sitting on go...the slipperiness on your fingers will prevent you from a nice pinch. It's ass-play etiquette in Slovakia.

A close inspection of champagne facial babe reveals she bears a striking resemblance to the Fox Wussification Anchor Babe. Except that in the wussification photo the facial expression shows the would be facial missed the face and went down the hatch.

...i'll bet frilly, having had dreams of sagan pinching her bump on some mystical, ethereal podium during the night, got into work today, walked over to 'creepy, ogling office guy across the hall' & just poped him one & said - "...don't you even think about it, buster..."...

...guy prob'ly didn't even complain 'cuz he knew he deserved it...for one thought or another...

Amazing analysis of the apology vid, Snob. Too bad he was forced to do it, squeazed it in between bikcicle riding and carbo loading, doesn't speak english so was reading it phonetically off a cue card written by his team manager, and lastly isn't actually sorry.

Snobby, you should know that drivers are taught to always aim for the pedestrians instead of another car. People are softer than cars, and will cause less damage. If there aren't any pedestrians around, drivers are taught to use a bike rider to cushion the impact. Avoid people on steel frames, that will cause more damage than someone on a crabon-bon frame. ..

That's funny! I just got back from portland (I live in dc), and yes it does bear noting the racial homogeneity. HOWEVER.. If you hate portland then deductive logic would have you hating the following:Smiling. Especially sweet women smiling while riding bikes. Lots of them. All smiling.Beer. I walked into Velocult at 11:30am and was asked if I would care for a beer. (6 craft taps including decheutes) The keen shoe store has a free tap. Help yourself.Coffee. Coffee is religion in portland. As well it should be.Nature. Everything grows here. Moss is growing on the body trim of almost every vehicle left standing for more than 10 minutes.Friendly people. Its not a stereotype. Its just true.

It rained almost every day I was there, and it was still a fantastic visit.

Those Podium girls are not being insulted at all.. They know 100% what they are up there for.. to be sexy and plant a somewhat sexual kiss on the winner.. They agree to wearing scanty cloths and being displayed as sexual objects.. Nobody is forcing them to be up there against their will.

No harm, no foul I say.. The girls now famous butt cheek is all over the web and she is sure to get more recognition for it then before.. which means she might land a modeling job for a fashion house or maybe Playboy.. Do you think she has any delusions that her position and job should be treated with respect? Hell no..

If anything, like my stance on doping, I say more dope, not less, and more groping and less poduim clothing!

So I thought Porlandia was a sketch comedy show, not a documentary. Tactical urbanists named Veloprovo. Jesus h fucking Christ, knowing that exists made me join the Republican party. And they thought they were worth an undercover police officer's time. Cause planting a potato in the median of a street is so dangerous. Wow.

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About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!