need help tonight.

not sure if its a cry for help or if i really do mean it.
im soo messed up right now.

as some of you may know i have problems in my life as it is.

but my biggest problem for the last few years is my 13 year old daughter.
she,s changed from such a loving girl to one that dont care about hurting me and my wife.

we give her most things she want,s

but the last week its been a nightmare to the point where she,s always wanting to sleep at her friends house.

tonight my wife lost it and said i,ll pack your bag so you can (swore) live there then.

our daughter turns round and says you dont need to i can pack it
even her friends mum has said oh yes your daughter can live with us WTF.

my wife is at work now.
im downstairs while my daughter has packed all her stuff upstairs thinking she is being took in the morning by social service (we tried to trick her by saying ok we will ring social service and you can get a new home) but it backfired shes happy to pack.

im crying my eyes out as i write this as i feel i have lost everything.
i really dont know what to do i cant think straight i have thoughts of just going bed tonight with every tablet in the house.
then i think no i,ll just knife myself in the stomach.

my daughter is like i said upstairs watching tv not even shed a tear.

im such a mess she knows i,ve been down and felt suicidal,
but i guess im more of a failure then i thought i was.

please someone write back i really want some feedback on if i have done wrong.

:hug: You want her to stay, but she isn't quite there yet with respecting who you all are. I'm really sorry to hear that; I really am. As an 18 year old, it wasn't long ago that I was disrespecting my parents often and giving them a hard time.

My parents were very upset with how I treated them back then when I was 13 or 14. I just hope you all stay as one, united as a family. 13's a tough age to be, and I find as I get older, my parents get smarter.

I wish you all the best and know how difficult it is for you all right now. I hope you don't lose her, but maybe she's just not ready yet to appreciate what you all give her.

even when i went doctors when i was down a while ago i brought up my daughter is turning into a nightmare
he asked how old is she when i said 13 his face said it all.

but what im supposed to live with that, its making me i,ll (i say making its made me i,ll) however its not just her i cant blame all my problems on just her but its at mo the biggest problem of my illness.

but we took her out last friday spent £100 for a family day out but she even had to spoil that.

yet her friend,s mum&dad has took her beach or to the park etc and they are the bees knees, we get how amazing they are.

yet we do that and we get nothing no thanks nothing.

its as if she is i dunno thinking we aint in the same league as her friends mum and dad.

but like i say its not just this im battling against i have other problems in my life.

so maybe to others a 13 year old terible teen aint that big of a deal but its pushed me over the edge.
i love her but i feel im beginning to hate her for making me i,ll
sounds so selfish but im so tired and drained now.

I remember being 13 and deciding, even though I had everything I could want, that I wanted to go and live with my dad. So I packed up all my stuff, he came to pick me up, and I left.

I stayed gone about a month before I realized I didn't want to stay gone, that I wanted to go back home. I thought I knew exactly what I wanted, and needless to say, I didn't have a clue.

:hug: I'm sorry for what you're going through. Everyone who says 13 is a difficult age is right, but those words don't make it any easier, or less painful, for you. If you ever need to talk, you can drop me a PM.

I find myself smiling at this thread. Not smiling at the hell you are going through, just what I've been through myself.

I have a daughter who is about to turn 16.

She's an only child, and yes she's had everything money can buy. She lives in an expensive home, goes to one of the best High Schools in the state, her Mom drives a new Lexus SUV, and all she can talk about is what she doesn't have. She believes she is living in a slum. She seems to truly believe it.

I just picked her up from her summer camp last Friday, and after packing her things up, the camp owner came up to me and gave me an envelope to give to her. In the envelope was $50 - our daughter had been such an outstanding helper on kitchen duty that they felt obliged to pay her.

At home, she can't be motivated to do the simplest of things - but at camp she shines as a beam of motivation and help for others. I was very proud. I take it to mean that these past 4 years we didn't fail. We've taught her some good things - now she's learning to apply them.

It took it's toll on our marriage, though, as me picking her up was also the day I moved out of the house for good. As much hell as the daughter has put me through, she was crying and hugging me as I left. I think, unfortunately, she's learning a very hard lesson.

If we had it to do over again, I think we'd have done some things differently. Unfortunately, we couldn't seem to make another child - so we just had the one, and when you have an only child, there is just no book on how to successfully manage that job. You could withhold things, and that would or wouldn't work, and you can bless them with all you have, and that might or might not work.

I don't have any answers for you, I just know though that you need to fight this through. She has a couple of more years of battle in her - or maybe even more.

My ex and I were having a heart to heart a few months back, and one thing we wished we'd done differently was the telly. We would have not used it as a babysitter. We both feel that her watching so much telly made her believe that much of it is real, when none of it is. I think she's getting to the age now where she is starting to realize that, but we could have avoided some of that by sheltering her from it more.

I think you have to be the adult. With an only child, it seems more natural to be a friend - but that's not your role. There has to be rules and consequences.

If she has this friend that she stays with too much - make a rule. I don't know what would fit the circumstances - it could be 1 night a week - or it could be she can't stay at her friends house more than her friend stays at your house. If your daughter stays there tonight, before she can stay there again, the friend must stay at your house. Or something else altogether.

It isn't to late to start. Sit her down, be the adults. Explain to her that you guys aren't happy with where you're at, and you're going to institute some changes. Be positive about it. Change is good. Look, as unhappy as you are - she is every bit as unhappy - that means change is a must. She will not like the change. Know that going in, of course. You might not even like it at first. It will mean more work on your part, being more of a manager and supervisor.

i,ve woke up this morning feeling a bit better knowing deep down i dont want to lose her.

we need to be strong and after reading your post some things ring home so much.

you said about your daughter at summer camp earning $50
my daughters the very same we got school reports etc saying that she is the most helpfull person in class etc etc.

she has not long come back from a 5 day london school trip which we paid £360 for (again not really thankfull)
and the teachers said she was amazing room tidy behaviour was excellent.
yet at home she dont do nothing when we ask.

i,ve took her mobile,ipod,lappy off her today she will stay in for the rest of the week (hopefully i can make her crack this time)

I'm glad you got some rest, and are facing the challenges ahead. She'll turn the corner, it is just a painfully slow process. Make sure you and your wife are working as a united front as much as possible.