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January 8, 2011

Humbly Yours

This morning I awoke pressed tightly between one Gray and one Ivy, both warm and sleeping, once members of my body, now not, but close enough. And I tried to take a photo with my phone and it just didn't come out.

But it's me, it's the start of a surprising feeling inside me to no longer say my age but instead a mumbled thirtycoughsomecoughthing. I never knew this about myself.

Today I found that there is a lot I don't know about myself, and what a wonderful birthday present, because I have a whole life to get acquainted. On a drive, in the snow, today is my new year's day.

I drove away and I drove to. And I hope over the next few days that I can make friends with the very words that will free me from the novel that is in my head just waiting to be breathed into the air

again.

A gift, something that I realized today- when I discovered I had something all wrong... which made every thing all right, and in my favor

all

this

time.

It's been a wondrous day of turning thirtycoughsomecoughthing. God hasn't given up on me, and - in the words of a dear dear friend- He wasn't content to have a world without me.

And you.

I'm ordinary and shabby and so beyond touched at all your kindness and well wishes. I can feel it I can see it in the glitter that came dressed to my party as new life new snow this day.

Happy birthday steph! Hope you have had a fantastic day. You inspire me to be more creative, to think harder, to marvel and wonder and awe at the world God made. And, your honesty makes me a better person, better wife, better mom.

Remember when you would say you were 5 and a half? That stops about age 21. Now you're at 30 something but never 30 and a half, but to me 34 is incredibly young yet. It is all in perspective. And also remember getting older beats the alternative. So enjoy the day on the day of the week you were born. Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday friend... I wish you many many more nights snuggled between your sweet sleeping children!!! I hope your year is just brilliant!!! A lot of old ladies read your blog!!! I am only nnnnnn-ahem-ineteen after all!!! And how I had eight kids by the time I turned nineteen will be an eternal source of mystery to my children!!!

(I've always been excited about birthdays and happy to age gracefully... but suddenly this year, I'm noticing the wrinkles that don't leave my forehead quite as quickly as they used to... and not feeling *quite* so graceful about it anymore. Aren't we silly?)

(Oh, and then there's the 70-something woman who was telling me about visiting an 80-year-old acquaintance who was jealous of her youth and vitality!)