Sunday, 29 December 2013

This can be done physically with kids and even adults or
verbally if that is more appropriate.

When things are going wrong and you are digging yourself
in deeper say something along the lines of: ‘I need to stop, go out of the door and come back in with
a different attitude/approach/ clearer head.’ You may or may not want to gain
the agreement of the person you are talking with that this is an acceptable
arrangement. This enables the person you are talking with to also accept that
it is OK

to be wrong, it is OK to reconsider and that it’s OK to take a time
out. But.

That your priority is to do what is necessary to resolve this issue
to the best benefit for all.

An alternative I’ve used when we’ve both been standing is
to say, “Let’s sit down and discuss this.”

I then sat down in someone else’s establishment and
invited then to sit also. This time and action space enabled a break in the
‘going wrong’ part of the negotiations; it also put me in the lead position
offering a solution to our mutual agreement.

Make like a Broken Record.

that is stuck on one point that repeats and repeats.

“No, I can’t on Friday.”

This is a flat statement of fact that is non-negotiable.

It may be said with a sad shake of the head,

a quick look up as if you are consulting some internal
diary.

No ‘why’ you can’t as that leads to a debate regarding
your reasons.

Each time you are asked you simply repeat: “No, I can’t
on Friday.”

Most people give up after 3 repeats, the really ‘orrible
may take 7 or even more repetitions.

By this time you can have a smile in your eyes as you
continue with: “No, I can’t on Friday.”

This is not a contest with you getting angry or stubborn,
just you are simply patiently waiting

for the other to respect your
declaration. There is no reason for you to justify, to give a reason.

If it is true, you might want to say: “No, I can’t on
Friday but Saturday or Tuesday are possibilities.”

Salesmen are trained to ‘overcome’ these ‘objections’ often by going off track and asking other questions that often beg a positive
response from you. Regardless what is asked you continue with

a persistent and
unchanging: “No, I can’t on Friday.” You may preface this new attack with “I
hear you but, No, I can’t on Friday.” Or “I understand but No, I can’t on
Friday.”

This is like the silent air during a TV or Radio interview, it is
going nowhere fast.

The problem is we’ve been trained from childhood to
answer questions, to be polite,

to be accommodating. So you will probably have
to practice this quite a few times.

If there are no real life opportunities then practice
with a character in a novel, film or soap opera.

Make a Sandwich.

You need to say something that may be negative or
unpleasant,

so sandwich it between two positive slices.

This can be useful in verbal or written correspondence.

(I still like: I could agree with you but then we’d both
be wrong’; I’m told of a lawyer who is itching

to use this in court!)

Regarding the prompt of this article that is a couple of
blogs below this one.

When asked to increase your work load you could comment
on (p) how useful the project is

then (n) make a statement that you unfortunately cannot
be involves at this point in time and then follow it by (p) how much you look
forward to the project being completed because of its benefits.

This is a complete and final statement saying that you
cannot be involved.

This also affirms that this problem is not yours to resolve.

Again this takes a little practice and thought. But when
I was a child I was given some Dutch Drops (whatever they might be) 2 or 3
black drops on a huge spoonful of sugar with another spoonful of sugar to
follow. Once you get this picture/experience, or the sandwich picture/production
or some other sequence that works for you then you will find it easier to make
this sequence your own.

Speak to the Hand ‘cos the Head ain’t Listening.

There is more to this than meets the eye.

When you raise your hand up next to your head you are
energetically doing two things.

You are forming an energy shield – stop!

And the other’s eye and attention is directed away from
you.

They may even be slightly shocked, that is taken aback, their pattern broken somewhat.

You are clearly demonstrating that you do not accept
whatever is being said but they can go on ahead and say it if they want, but
that it is pointless as you’ve already rejected the message.

If this is with someone you couldn’t possibly do this to;
then DO IT IN YOUR MIND.

It gives you a power, a protected shielded attitude.

I have done something similar in a very distressing
situation.

I just drew my hand down completely from the top of me to
the bottom thus separating the person from me. Maybe I’ll write about this
branch of energy protection someday.

of techniques to reduce stress right now and to remove
the cause of those stress triggers.

Actually spend 2 – 5 minutes a day. This does not mean
that you can don your superhero stress duds. It simply means that it will take life longer to stress
you out, that fewer things will push your buttons and that you will be distressed for a shorter period,
also that you can deal with unexpected stress pronto. This is good.

WHY?

Why is generally a word to avoid unless it is qualified.

Why is a challenge that produces a defensive posture in
the listener.

Just pose some why questions in your mind. They
imply that you are wrong, stupid

and all sorts of negative stuff; particularly if spoken in ‘that’ tone
of voice!

Tuesday, 24 December 2013

"I think I shall write a
companion to this piece that concentrates on the actual words one might best
employ when in such a situation or in a dispute with another.

As I am aware of organisations
where NO is not an allowable option." M'reen

How to say “No” at work in a way that helps your
career.

Cynthia Jaggi

How To Say No:

You know that feeling you get
after someone’s asked you to add just one more thing

to your
already full plate? Internally, you start to sob at the thought of
more meetings.

You think about how to let your
partner know that you need to work even longer hours.

It can be difficult to say “no”
because you are passionate about your work.

You see each project’s potential
to forward the cause. Also, you want to progress professionally and saying
“yes” can seem like the best route.

But the reality is that we can
only do so much. So how do you say “no” in a way

that doesn’t hurt your career or
make you feel guilty?

How do you know for sure which
requests to say “no” to in the first place?

Don’t respond immediately

The first thing to ask yourself
when a new request comes in is:

“Am I in the best state right now
to respond?”

The worst time to make a decision
is when you are tired, stressed out,

in the middle of something else,
or perhaps just really excited about the topic –

and that’s usually when you’ll be
asked!

Even if you are new to an
organization or early in your career, you can gently let the requestor know
that you want to think about the best approach and will respond soon.

Your thoughtfulness will be
appreciated.

Think through the request

It’s always worth taking 10-15 minutes to
figure out if you should be spending weeks,

months, or even a couple of
hours on a new request.

To help you gain some clarity, go
through the following checklist.

1. Priority fit: What are my top priorities? How does this request relate?

If you don’t know what your
priorities are, you are not going to know if the new request

fits in. Take the time to revisit
the most valuable work you do.

2. Capabilities fit: How does this fit in with your skills and expertise?

Take into account both your
current capabilities and those you would like to develop.

3. Long-term benefit: Where will this work lead both for the organization and for you

in the long term? What impact
could it create? What opportunities could it open up?

4. Scope: What 20% of the work in this request will produce 80% of the
value?

It may be that you can help the
requester focus on the most important elements

and get the benefits by just
doing a small part.

5. Resources: What other resources are available? This can be a sticky one –
it’s easy

to feel like there are none. However, even when there aren’t extra
dollars, there often are

newer members of the team who
might get a valuable learning experience, or volunteers

who can help. Also
think through past work and available tools, organizations and online resources
that could be used to complete the task more efficiently.

6. Timing: When does this work need to get done? If it’s really valuable and
needs

to get done soon, you may want to say “yes” and highlight the need to
take something

else off your plate.

Say “no,” gently

After going through the
checklist, if you realize that you can’t commit to a new project,

don’t send an
email. Instead, have a conversation with the requestor and think

of the conversation as a
negotiation and a discussion of options.

1. Start with your
“why.” For example: “I want to do a really good job on
X [pre-existing priority], so I’m thinking that it would be better if I
supervised [volunteer, other resource]

doing Y [new request]. It will also let
them learn the process.” If you are early in your career you could say, “I am
focused right now on learning to do X really well for the organization,

and
want to make sure anything I take on doesn’t prevent me from reaching that
goal.”

2. Be a resource to the
requestor. Give them new ideas and/or
resources.

They are likely overworked too
and may not have fully thought the options through.

So offer your ideas about the most
valuable piece of the request, when the right time

is for the work to happen, and
what resources might make it easier.

For example, “I know you want to get good
feedback from staff on X topic. Instead of doing individual interviews,
what if we used an online tool to do an initial survey?”

3. Be clear on what’s not
negotiable. If it’s valuable work, most
likely you’d be happy

to be involved, but just in a limited or in a different
way. An offer of limited or joint involvement softens the no. So be clear about
how you can be involved and, again, offer alternatives.

For example, “Even though I don’t
have the capacity to write [the report, document, presentation] right now,
I’d be happy to review it.” Or, “Let’s have a brainstorming session with the
key people and see if we can solve this problem together in a short time
frame.”

In short, make the effort to turn
down what’s not a fit but be helpful on every request.

If you repeat this process an
amazing thing happens: you not only help others but also

Sunday, 22 December 2013

"This is an excellent
article, apparently Margaret Thatcher learned how to breathe mid-sentence so
that no one could politely interrupt her – as if they would dare! Until you and
I follow Nancy’s advice ‘looking at your voice as your calling card’ I read
that a very successful tele-marketer imagined that his prospective purchaser
had a distinctive personality. On the basis of the person’s responses he
imagined that he was talking to a stay-at-home granny or a party-hopping
teenager as examples; he then altered his conversation to that relationship. I’ve
also read that standing up and looking into a mirror as you speak frees the
body physically and gives the conversation a two way value.

As a telephone counsellor,
life coach and all that good stuff I, principally, listen. Part of me is in the
zone of the conversation while other parts are covering professional aspects. I
feel this total involvement gives a genuine aspect to the conversation.

Finally, my accent is ‘from
up north’ and I read that university students retained more information if the
lecture was given in their home accent.

But I do remember being so
very tired on a Trans Atlantic flight and having the air hostess’ voice saw through
my brain." M'reen

Your
Voice Is Your Calling Card - Is That Good or Not So Good?

ByNancy
Daniels

One of the 1st things you do when you start a new business
is to create a business card. While the purpose of the card is to identify you
and your business, your goal with that card is to project a positive image of
that business. In fact, you should probably hire a creative talent to design
your card because you want an image that looks professional and successful.

Your voice is a form of calling card as well. When you
consider that the sound of your voice accounts for a good 37% of the image you
project, what does yours say about you? Does it sound professional? What about
over the phone where there is no visual? The percentage relegated to your vocal
image rises dramatically.

In my business I have heard them all and many are voices
that I would not label as successful or professional. Neither would I describe
them as instilling confidence in the listener. Voices that are too soft, too
loud, too wimpy, too whiny, too nasal, too hoarse, too high-pitched, or even
childlike - the list goes on and on. Unfortunately, most of the people who
possess those voices don't know that they have a better one inside of them. I
call it your 'real' or true voice. And it sounds a lot better than what you
currently hear on your answering machine or voicemail message.

How many times do you hear yourself on some form of
recording equipment and have difficulty reconciling that sound with what you
hear in your head? Your reaction may be surprise, disbelief, embarrassment, or
disgust. No, we cannot hear ourselves the way everyone else does but the good
news is that you have a voice inside of you that is definitely deeper in pitch,
warmer in tone, and more mature in quality. (Pitch refers to the highness or
lowness of sound.)

And, once you discover your 'real' voice, you will be able
to increase your volume without shouting. It is truly remarkable how this
works.

If you are soft-spoken, for example, your volume will
increase to a normal level of sound automatically. Another benefit of voice
training is that you will discover the best means of controlling your
nervousness when addressing an audience- whether it is a sales call or a
presentation to a few hundred people.

Did you ever wonder how people like James Earl Jones, Diane
Sawyer, Julia Ormond, George Clooney, Kate Beckinsale, Felicia Rashad, and
Morgan Freeman sound so good? They are doing one thing which you are not: they
are using their chest cavity to power their sound. This is why their voices
resonate with warmth and authority.

When you learn that technique, thereby taking the stress off
your throat and vocal cords, you too will discover a voice that has resonance.
It will also have more staying power. If you have been suffering with vocal
abuse which is characterized by chronic hoarseness or a persistent sore throat,
the discomfort will end once you take the pressure off your throat and voice
box and use your chest cavity as your primary sounding board.

Your voice is your calling card. Why not make it one that
projects confidence and success!

M'reen: "I honestly can’t say that
I understand this blog. I can appreciate that the author has gone to a great
deal of soul searching and is genuine in his desire to share for everyone’s
benefit.

I can understand the point
of his questions and that they are ideals to strive to as often as is possible

and that that often will become more the more that you progress along your path
of acceptance.

He uses emotions as the
driving force of our subconscious reactions and I’m cool with that concept.

But where do these
emotions come from?

I believe that they come
from our beliefs that were absorbed in childhood before we had the ability to
question their validity.

Quote: “This is the power of being
centered, the power of being rooted in your own being”.

This
reminds me of a fantastic hypnotherapy script where by an abused person sees
themselves as a rock in a river that flows around them. Obviously there is a
lot more as the river in question becomes cleaner and more of a friend.

Sometimes
‘the devil does take over,’ even some laws recognise a crime of passion. But,
yes, increasingly we can feel and then choose how to express that feeling or
not in this particular situation.

Quote:
“You can learn to remain calm when someone is yelling at you.” I’m sure that
the author recognises that being calm in such a situation is not enough. That
you need to be energetically calm, that is you are not sending out frazzled
vibes. Also, it is useful to have verbal and postural skills etc to diffuse a
situation because the person being aggressive may feel impotent and up their
‘attack’ in order to feel that they have achieved.

1. Meditate for 20-30 minutes a
day. I cannot comment on this as
meditation is not something I‘ve practised.

2. Talk to random
strangers as often as possible.
I’m not sure that this would help me. I’ve noticed myself

and other ladies
backing away from a perfectly nice English gentleman who just passes the time
of day.

A stiff upper lip and English reserve is a difficult thing to overcome.

Quote: “You will encounter all sorts of
behaviors and, with time become immune to them”. I can understand actively
practicing your skills of interaction but I don’t necessarily think that you
develop these by chance.

3. Do things which feel
uncomfortable. This is something I’ve done
many a time and others will say that after having faced a particular challenge
that they can now face anything. However, unless something is forced on you,
e.g. an accident or immersion therapy (being dumped into a pit of snakes – ask
Indiana Jones' opinion); you can only
successfully go from a position of confidence and so are really only taking the
next step.

Quote: “You will become more confident
and rooted in your own belief system”. Following my arguments I can readily
agree with this as you’ve grown into the actualising of your adult belief
system that forms you emotional responses.

Tuesday, 17 December 2013

Regarding writing
out your mission statement. I find the inside of kitchen cupboard doors a good
place to put this. I also have some positive Chinese words written by my
sister-in-law.

Avoiding the nay
sayers is sometimes difficult, but you can use them to practice your skills on.

A passionate
business can be a labour of love; along with ‘just doing it’
you might find the Hierarchy of needs found in'How do you decide what is the most important aspect of your concern right now?' further down this page to be helpful in finding the
value in a business you hope to succeed financially.

I have been in the
wrong place at the wrong time selling the wrong product
but I couldn’t see that
before as I was far too positive and saw things from my perspective only. To be
fair, I was not the only one so it’s helpful to be able to walk away
financially and emotionally and dust yourself down.
I imagine that the book will contain many practical tips.

Photo by M'reen, the barometer has always been there - it means home."

Review - 5 Steps to
Financial Freedom

By Paul
Lappen

5 Easy Steps to Financial Freedom: Do What You Love and
Get Rich Doing It,

Duane Harden, 2012, ISBN 9780984822706

Many books have been written about how to make money
doing what you love.

This book reduces the process to just five steps.

Before anything else, you have to commit to changing your
life. Don't just say it; you also have to mean it. Write a Creed, or other
inspirational saying, and post it someplace where you can read it every day.
Some people, knowingly or unknowingly, will try to discourage you, convinced that
you are going to fail. Limit your exposure to such people.

What are you passionate about? What do you love doing?
That is where you should look for income-generating ideas. Don't get into, for
instance, real estate investing because all those infomercials have convinced
you that you will be instantly rich. Do it because you want to do it. Get a
copy of your credit report and credit score. If your score is Average or Poor,
work now on fixing it.

The book talks about using OPM (Other People's Money) to
finance your venture. A bank, or other lender, will have a hard time approving
your loan request if your credit score is just Fair.

It's normal to want to plan and plan and plan, removing
all possible obstacles before starting your income-generating plan. You may
just over-analyze yourself right out of a great business opportunity. At some
point, you have to Just Do It (to quote Nike). If things don't work out, pick
yourself up, regroup, and start over.

You need to register your venture as a separate business
entity (like an S Corporation or an LLC) with the state and federal
governments. If for no other reason, do it to reduce your personal liability
should someone get injured on the premises. You can't do this alone, so you
need a team behind you. Start with a CPA and an attorney who specializes in
real estate investing, or whatever your venture entails.

The book also explores what to do when the time comes to
sell your venture (your CPA says that you have gotten all the tax benefits you
are going to get, or you decide that it is time to retire).

This is an excellent book, written by someone who has
been through the process. It is easy to read, and full of information. The
hardest part is to convince yourself that Now is the time.