Kevin Frisch: Top 10 Frisch stories of the year

Kevin Frisch

Tuesday

Dec 28, 2010 at 12:01 AMDec 28, 2010 at 1:49 AM

Here are 2010’s top stories, in order: Wine disaster: A coaster placed in such way that it was only partially on a coffee table led to the toppling of a wine glass, spewing untold ounces of Cabernet onto the living room carpet. Despite massive cleanup efforts, the stain will linger for years.

The massive Gulf of Mexico oil spill, triggered by a deadly blast at a rig used by BP, was the top news story of 2010, followed by the divisive health care overhaul, according to The Associated Press’ annual poll of U.S. editors and news directors.
— The Associated Press (Dec. 21)

The massive wine spill, triggered by a wayward coaster on a living room table, was the top news story of 2010, followed by a 16th birthday, the arrival of a golden Labrador and a minor catastrophe involving a Christmas tree, according to a poll of people living in my home.

Here are 2010’s top stories, in order:

Wine disaster: A coaster placed in such way that it was only partially on a coffee table led to the toppling of a wine glass, spewing untold ounces of Cabernet onto the living room carpet. Despite massive cleanup efforts, experts say residual effects, in the form of a slightly noticeable stain, will linger for years. Legal action is being contemplated against an unnamed houseguest — and Halliburton.

Health care overhaul: My employer broadened its health insurance offerings. I decided to retain my current coverage based on my age, medical history and the amount of reading I would have had to do to compare the new programs.

A November shellacking: The wine spill also damaged the coffee table, so it was off to the basement to do some refurbishing.

Cheerleader celebrates 16th: The house’s head cheerleader turned 16, an event that was celebrated with cake, balloons and a tiara. I got some gifts for her, too.

Go(a)t milk? I was invited to take part in a celebrity goat-milking contest at the county fair (I know what you’re thinking, but it was the goat that was the celebrity). Not only was I unable to produce a drop of milk, the goat slapped me.

Dog days: The premises are now guarded by an addition to the household: Our faithful dog, TeeJ. And by “faithful” I mean “gross,” as anyone who has seen his carpet/Charmin trick can attest. Still, he’s a threat to any burglar who might try to gain entrance without first saying “good boy!”

Penny For your Thoughts: We traveled to Philadelphia to see the grave of Benjamin Franklin. Because of his adage, “A penny saved is a penny earned,” visitors honor his memory by tossing pennies onto his tombstone — in total disregard of his advice.

Economy stagnant: Not just the nation’s, but our home’s.

Timber! Golden Labs like to play with things that look like stuffed animals, be they big (a draft stopper along the bottom of a kitchen door) or small (a reindeer ornament on a Christmas tree). Thus, we arrived home one evening to find the Christmas tree lying across the (newly shellacked) coffee table, ornaments smashed, a stuffed reindeer chewed to pieces and TeeJ blaming the entire thing on a friendly burglar.

The variation variations: Yet another last-minute, year-end column idea occurs to the apprentice pundit in the family.