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Wednesday, April 20, 2011

"Broken Babies"

I was going to share this story in my "Weird Stuff" Section of my 29 week post, but it was too good. It totally deserves its own special moment in the sun.

Broken Babies

a one act play

Scene

(Home Depot parking lot. COURTNEY [a visibly pregnant woman] is walking back to her car [parked in front of the main entrance] from the Garden Center. She is walking parallel to the store along the main street that runs in front of the store, carrying two 6 lb bags of grass seed/fertilizer on one hip and a small Gerbera Daisy plant in the other, clearly enjoying the sunshine and short walk. STRANGE WOMAN pulls up along side of COURTNEY in a white minivan.)

You shouldn't be carrying all that jazz! You need to be worried about your baby!

COURTNEY

(laughing awkwardly)

Oh, don't worry! It's not that heavy! Thanks for the concern though!

STRANGE WOMAN

I am serious! You need to be worried about having that baby! Not all that gardening mess! You need to go home and have that baby! You can garden afterward. You should not be carrying all that stuff! Don't you know how many broken babies there are in this world? Just go home and have that baby!

NARRATOR

COURTNEY thinks "what is she talking about? "broken babies"?? What does that even mean? Well, she has good intentions, so be nice..."

COURTNEY

No really, it's ok...my car is just right over there.

STRANGE WOMAN

(still driving slowly alongside COURTNEY, still yelling)

Listen to me! You do NOT need to be worrying about all that gardening mess, you just need to go home and have that baby! That is all you should be worrying about! Just go home and have that baby!

COURTNEY

(still walking, looks around quickly to see if anyone else is catching this. They aren't.)

It's ok, I promise, my husband is doing all the work, I am just picking these things up! And it's really not that heavy.

NARRATOR

COURTNEY is thinking all the while, "Women used to give birth after plowing fields and doing hard labor lady, I promise that I will be ok walking this 20 feet to my car. I carry grocery bags heavier than this!"

STRANGE WOMAN

(still driving slowly alongside COURTNEY)

If your husband is doing all that work, he should be the one here getting all of this! You just GO HOME AND HAVE THAT BABY! DO YOU HEAR ME? Just go have that BABY!

COURTNEY

Well, thank you for your concern. Have a nice day!

(COURTNEY walks away from the STRANGE WOMAN, who is still slowly driving parallel to the store, so that she can cut in between cars to get back to her own safely, with no further interaction with STRANGE WOMAN)

END SCENE.

29 weeks, 6 days along

...and I wish this were an exaggeration of what actually happened. It's not.