An open letter to my sister…

I’m so sorry for thinking I knew what it was like to have children. I’m sorry for all the times I didn’t help out, for the times you asked for help and I said I was busy. Internally I told myself ‘but she chose this life’. I now realise how immature I was!

I’m sorry for the time that you were ill and asked me to stay over and I said I had uni work to finish and that I hadn’t spent much time with my hubby. Now I know; now I know hard it all is, now I know how selfish I was being!

I’m sorry for feeling cross when you snapped at me that evening when I phoned the land line and woke my nephew up! I didn’t understand! I had absolutely no idea how hard it can be to get a baby to sleep and how soul destroying it is when the peaceful slumber is broken by a naive sister phoning. Now I know!

I’m so sorry for not asking how you were after those sleepless nights; for not bothering to give you a hug, make you a cuppa and send you back to bed. I’m sorry that I had absolutely no idea what sleep deprivation is really like. You weren’t being a moody bitch like I thought, you were shattered and I’m ashamed I didn’t get it. I do now!!!

That time you talked to me about how and when you should have weaned your eldest… I told you what I thought you should do!! I now realise it was a rhetorical conversation and I should have kept my non child opinions to myself. Heck, I shouldn’t even have had an opinion because back then I knew nothing!!! I now realise how ridiculously hard it is to listen to someone give their opinions when they don’t have children!!

And then when it was my turn you never once said ‘I told you so’. You were the first one to mop up my tears when I cried about how hard it was and how tired I was! You nodded and took him off my hands. You bought me Guinness (for my iron levels!!!) and my favourite magazines. You lent me your sling when he wouldn’t let me put him down. You took us both out for a walk. You even took him off me at soft play that time so I could have a coffee on my own even though you had your two with you!! You listened and you encouraged. You told me what a great job I was doing. I’m so sorry that I didn’t do this for you. But I get it now, I get it in way I couldn’t have done back then. I’m tired and drained and occasionally moody too 😉 Motherhood is hard and I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I wish I had known, I do now!!!