It’s a Women’s Locker Room, Not a Streaker Training Camp

Let’s take a Delorean back in time for a moment, shall we? We’re all 12-year-olds in a junior high locker room. Some of us genuinely need bras, some of us need them just to remind ourselves we’re not 12-year-old boys. Regardless, there’s one thing we’re all dreading: getting naked.

Okay, set that flux capacitor to 2011 and book it to present day. We’re all STILL in a locker room -- this time at some gym we pay way too much for to have a freakishly fit woman in hot pants yell at us. Not much has changed -- some of us still need bras more than others -- except for the fact that, well, EVERYONE is naked ... and loving it.

Yes, yes, of course we’re all more comfortable with our bodies as adults than as pre-pubescents. But there’s gotta be some kind of locker room etiquette for time spent in the buff. It’s a locker room, not a nudist colony.

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In the past week, these are the locker room activities I have seen women do in the nude: have a 15-minute business meeting conversation on a cellphone; the complete beauty routine: brush teeth, blow dry hair, apply full makeup; and just wander around (where are you possibly going?).

I don’t even wander around my own apartment naked (if I am naked, it’s because I’m en route to clothes). And I don’t say this because I don’t want to look at naked women. It’s a nice reminder that there actually are real bodies -- with curves, with cellulite, with floppy boobs -- out there in the world.

But I don’t want to think about your bare ass touching the bench I just rested my hand on. And I’d rather not mistakenly bump into you while you’re wandering around -- chatting it up, getting just one more Q-tip -- with your ladyparts all out in the world.

Really, you don’t need to air dry. There are TOWELS. If there aren’t towels, there’s a nice lady who will get you one. Heck, I’LL get you one. Really, it’s not a big deal. Chances are, I’ve already put my clothes on.How long is too long to be naked in the locker room?