Lucan Hands Back Rights to McGregor

An Irish town has withdrawn its claim for Conor McGregor, after the former champ’s recent round of ‘bollock-acting’. Officials from Lucan, County Dublin have claimed that they would consider selling McGregor-related bragging rights back to Crumlin, should the glory days not return by next Tuesday. His recent messing has left Lucan scrambling for a new sporting hero to idolize, with local experts looking into the ancestry of Leitrim corner-forward Oliver Fitzgibbon, legendary soccer stars Phil Babb and Zico and snooker player Willie Thorne. One of whom may even get to be Grand Marshal at this year’s Saint Patrick’s Day Parade, if they can’t find a Lucan-based politician to do so.

One McGregor fanatic, Jason Henderson, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said; ‘I’ve been a fan of McGregor for ages, I do watch his matches on the telly even, sometimes, if I’ve not had too many scoops like’. Henderson, a thrice-married darts player from Walkinstown, now a true Lucanite who has lived there nearly three months, has three kids and nine cousins, and rides a Raleigh Burner (with chrome mag wheels), went on to say that local Facebook group, Lucan Living wasn’t a true indicator of the views, feelings and religious persuasions of the people of Lucan. ‘Think they’re great so they are, with their Facebook page and their, em, biscuits, and that’.

Other favorites to claim McGregor’s birthrights from Lucan, are Enniscorthy, Mullingar (where 896 former Lucanites have migrated to, due to its sunnier climate and cleaner beaches) and Blanchardstown.