Things are dire at quarterback for the Broncos. Oh, you probably already know this, seeing as how we wrote about it just yesterday. But for as disastrous as “Kyle Orton, starting quarterback with two healthy backups” sounds, the situation’s devolving into something far worse.

(”Hmmm, I can see the inside of my knuckle. Is that normal?”)

The problem with Orton is that he might not actually be healthy for Week 1. Oh, and the clear #2, Chris Simms, is also hurt for at least a month with a high ankle sprain. So now the starting quarterback for the Broncos is a late-round rookie. Check that; aside from a warm body they signed as an emergency rookie, he’s the only healthy quarterback.

Jay Cutler has moved from snit fit to full-on martyrdom and Denver Broncos owner Pat Bowlen has chosen to accommodate the young quarterback and search for a trade partner, thus saving Broncos fans from competency at the quarterback position.

(Sign language is still communication, right?)

Chris Simms will stand as the only vaguely quarterback-like substance on the roster, pending trade returns, after Cutler and his agent would not even return text messages for ten days (or so claimed by the Broncos organization).

While this seems superficially about placating the petulant, it would be disastrous to employ the Marcel Marceau of quarterbacks this fall if he continues his silent ways. There would be no playcalling, no leadership, and no franchise-polishing post-game quotes. For that, the Broncos could just look up Joey Harrington.

With Tyreke Evans already on his way to the NBA and everyone else on the team either graduating or looking for a new school, the University of Memphis basketball team may have to outfit the equipment manager, three physical education majors, and Marc Cohn himself.

And now join us for a hail of bullets on the day each year the entire Internet is racked with inaccuracies, tall tales, and outright lies (and actually admits it) as we remember how the pros handle this tomfoolery…

Hideki Irabu is back and has apparently finally given birth to that baby he carried around during his first stint with the New York Yankees.

Chicago might still be in the lead for 2016 Summer Olympics hosting duties, but Vancouver’s successful bid came in no small part through a strong visit from the IOC. The threatened Chicago police union picket of City Hall when the IOC arrives looks better all the time, no?