I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. He knows holidays and birthdays are really important to me, and this past year I surprised him with a summer cruise excursion for his birthday.

He hinted for months about a surprise gift he was going to get me for my birthday and hyped it up almost to the point I thought he might propose.

But on my birthday, all he gave me (in front of my friends and family at TGI Fridays), was a Peequality. If youre not familiar with it, its a silicon funnel to allow girls to pee standing up.

Sure it was funny for a quick laugh, but it was also embarrassing that he had nothing else planned and its been a week and he hasn't said anything.

Do I have the right to be upset?

Edit: wow, this blew up. thanks for all the support, reddit. I've decided to bring it up with him when he comes over tonight. Going to confront him about what the hell his intentions were giving me this type of gift after he built up so much hype and tell him how it makes me feel. wish me luck : /

Lowkey57 11015 S

He got you a piss-funnel after hinting about a big surprise?

Son either got a real good surprise ready to spring, or he's a dumbass of epic magnitude.

He has to have sonething up his sleeve you dont just gift your girlfriend a pissfunnel there has to be something else . Maybe a girl girl gift but certainly not like that

upsidedown-insideout 650

I don't know... My husband who is a freaking angel and a saint of a man that I love like no other is a terrible gift giver.

First Christmas together he got me a frying pan, second xmas was an ironing board. I didn't even own an iron.

improbablywronghere 761

I didn’t even own an iron.

You’ve got a birthday coming up!

upsidedown-insideout 312

He bought me an iron the next day to make up for the ironing board...

WTF_Christine 115

I just facepalmed.

beimpermissible 25

Relevant username.

SuperGameTheory 2

Irrelevant username.

Nutcup 3

Charming AND Thoughtful!!

PrehistoricPrincess 12

I just loled. At least he tried...!

RitualSynergy 6

Has he gotten any better at getting you gifts? Kinda surprised that a friend or someone hasn't warned him that those aren't exactly the best gifts. I mean, the ironing board w/ no iron is comical.
If my wife did that I would be laughing all day.

upsidedown-insideout 12

I don't know! My illness has gotten much worse since then and am unable to work now. W don't buy anything that isn't a necessity, so no gifts. Not even doing a tree this year. Total grinches.

As for the terrible gifts I don't really care. It hurt a bit at the time since I got him a lot of meaningful stuff, but he's truly a wonderful man and I know he loves me. I know his gifts aren't a reflection of how he feels about me.

Horyv 5

The irony is unbearable

LotsOfWatts 3

He didn’t realize you didn’t already have an iron.

IronWill-FE 2

Maybe he thought "poor girl, having to iron her clothes on the stove."

ltahoe 2

Not much consolidation!

Tell the poor dumb bastard to consult Reddit next time he needs gift ideas!!

09zmiller 3

Ooo I know what to get you now

S1022416 128

My boyfriend is also a saint and a horrible gift giver. Got him a cashmere sweater and nice cologne for Christmas one year and he got me plastic cookie cutters from the dollar tree.

AuditoryBuffet 8

I feel your pain. One year, my brother asked me if I had a lamp while I opened his gift. It was a light bulb. I was... So confused. And everyone else just got me the same shade (magenta) nail polish. When my bf got back from visiting family, we celebrated Christmas on New year's. I told him about the weird gifts I got. I said I was kind of sad, because I put a lot of thought into everyone's gifts. Apparently my BF didn't go shopping until the day we exchanged gifts... And I wish I was joking but he bought me the same light bulb and the same color magenta nail polish. The last thing he got me was a stinky Rose bath set that was on clearance after Christmas. Rose is the one scent that I really don't do. His mom saw my face drop and made him go out and buy me a zune with her money. Which honestly (not to be ungrateful) was probably the worst gift of all, that zune was a curse. It broke after 2 days everytime, no matter how many times I exchanged them with the factory. Now, I know he meant well, but damn that was an awkward Christmas.

clumsy_turtle 5

What is a zune?

ThunderChaser 5

It was a shitty iPod clone Microsoft released in the mid 2000s

GothWitchOfBrooklyn 5

this comment made me feel really old

TheOroborus 3

I don’t understand. Why doesn’t he get you things that are geared towards your interests?

stonerwithaboner1 62

These were hints, not gifts!

upsidedown-insideout 82

Nah, I'd briefly mentioned at some point in our relationship that I needed a new pan but they are sooo expensive so I didn't want to get one. He works at a place that sells them, so I guess he got a deal or something lol.

As for the ironing board, I did say it would be handy if we had an iron. I still don't really understand why he got an ironing board instead. I don't think he does either.

stonerwithaboner1 27

Thank you for not taking offense. It was a joke. 😁

sunlit_cairn 4

those are the gifts I honestly love, things I need or think would be nice to have but would never buy for myself. It shows the person really listens to you when you talk, IMO.

upsidedown-insideout 3

Maybe I'd feel the same way if I didn't spend hours and many days going to many malls to get his gifts which I knew he'd love. Some of which he needed, wanted or would just like. But then all I got was a ironing board that was literally useless to me since I didn't have an iron. It was a bit upsetting. That didn't feel like he listens when I talk.

I can laugh about it now since I genuinely think it's funny. At the time though I was pretty bummed, especially since I made him a stocking too. He had like 20+ things to open and I had an ironing board lol.

rebedb 17

I also don’t know, my boyfriend gave me a pet rock for my birthday :)))

TiltingAtTurbines 9

A friend that will always be with you, requires no food or medical expenses, doesn’t take up much space, and is peacefully quiet? Best present ever!

rebedb 2

Hahaha it’s been the most well-behaved pet I’ve had so far.

soft_warm_purry 3

I actually really love practical gifts, especially the super nice kind that I really want but can't bear to buy because $$$.. My favourite gifts have included a Roomba, a set of really nice cookware, a cast iron pot.. and a stainless steel pot from Target which was his first gift to me.. I still use it regularly.

I actually really love practical gifts, especially the super nice kind that I really want but can't bear to part with money to buy.. My favourite gifts have included a Roomba, a set of really nice cookware, a cast iron pot.. and a stainless steel pot from Target which was his first gift to me and I still use regularly.

modakim 2

Oh god I told my girlfriend that I was getting her a pots and pans set for Christmas. She might be building me a raft to tie me on and usher me away

thebababooey 2

How do you not have an iron. Do you just wear wrinkled clothes all the time?

FuzzyYogurtcloset 2

Just use steam from the shower and a large textbook.

upsidedown-insideout 2

It's never been an issue. When something is a little wrinkly I just put it in the dryer for a couple minutes while I continue to get ready. Works just as well. Also a lot quicker than pulling out an ironing board and iron, letting the iron heat, ironing, then putting all that stuff away.

ratgoose 2

Women’s work clothes aren’t usually made from fabric that gets wrinkly.

rantingpacifist 2

Our first Christmas mine gave me baby oil, rope, and roses and month late. It wasn’t even the real deal rope or oil, just cheap Walmart crap. I had given him a book about one of his favorite subjects and a bottle of scotch.

It occasionally isn’t awful at gift time. But it’s rare.

ericscottf 2

Let alone many irons, which would necessitate an entire rack!

TheOroborus 2

Why doesn’t he just get you things that are geared towards your interests?

BossHoggsWadeBoggs1 1

How funny! My now husband bought me a cast iron pan out first christmas together. I still playfully give him a hard time about it.

NoSoupForEwe 1

You’re not alone! I got an ironing board for my birthday! Followed by a vacuum cleaner for Mother’s Day.

markedforpie 1

My wonderful husband bought me a vacuum for our first Christmas. He now sticks to jewelry.

HuntTheHunter12 77

That something up his sleeves could be breaking up or a better gift. It's honestly anyone's guess. Maybe he changed how he feels and wants to break things off anyway. Maybe the ring is getting resized. It could go either way.

laaragaarcia 3

Maybe it’s a camping trip where she’ll get to use the pee funnel but it’s just booked for a different date

Faxxes 36

Maybe he’s just trying to piss you off enough that you’ll break up with him - before he has to spring for a package of Depends for Christmas!

StrangeDrivenAxMan 10

"Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that." - George Carlin

BillMurraysAscot 2

Nah some guys just completely suck at gifts. Last year for our anniversary I got my boyfriend a Fossil watch with a custom engraving. He got me a cactus. For Christmas I bought him flight lessons (among other things, spending $200). He got me a cheap set of pots and pans that sort of looked like the ones I’d actually asked for and a set of plastic drinking cups. And then was appalled when I returned everything and just bought myself the things I’d asked for.

LucaYo 68

I want to get my boyfriend a gag gift for Christmas, but then a few minutes after give him his REAL gift, gag gifts are funny but like, not if that's the full gift...

improbablywronghere 49

/u/Marasmous do you guys have an interest in burning man? Women need pee funnels at burning man you might be about to get dunked on with tickets. Lots of other stuff needs pee funnels but you’ve got a trip coming.

darkhorse00000 31

Uhh, those tickets won’t be available for purchase several more months. There’s such a thing as playing too long of a game, but highly doubt that’s the case here anyway...

improbablywronghere 2

I hadn’t thought about that but you’re completely right. He could just surprise her with that they are going and he’s gonna get tickets? Ya it’s super specific but it was my first thought (been 3 times). I think we’re all just hoping it’s not actually just a pee funnel!

darkhorse00000 3

Honestly, even that’s risky since tickets are so difficult to obtain these days. I think he probably either hid a better gift inside the box of the pee funnel, or this is a welcome sign that it’s time for her to end the relationship (which is sounding quite likely at this point). RIP, next

improbablywronghere 2

Ya, you’re probably right.. :(

darkhorse00000 2

It’s okay, better things ahead for her :) never a bad thing to leave an a-hole behind, even if it’s hard to do 🤗

improbablywronghere 2

Dude honestly I just can’t understand how he’d let this happen. Say for instance he did have a secret gift or whatever you give that shit as soon as the laughs die down and the room gets a little uncomfortable. Dude basically roasted the fuck out of this lady in front of her people. If something is in that box you get her to open that box right there.

darkhorse00000 1

Yeah, a lot of dudes are just mind-bendingly self-centered assholes because of our cultural messages and the extent to which they’re reinforced in the childhood home. It’s gross and horrible and gets much worse than this, but it sounds like you’re not like that at least, so that’s a great thing. We love men with empathy!

monkeyismine 29

I'm thinking he has festival or concert tickets coming. This helps girls skip the ladies line.

SpecialSauce92 28

I completely agree.

Only an idiot would hint at a gift so big if all he had planned was a pee funnel. That sounds like a gag gift you give a girlfriend BEFORE the real gift

FKAbead-itqueen 2

Maybe the surprise is so big she'll pee herself? This needing t the funnel right away. It you might be going camping?

CandyRedNinja 3

It’s been a week.

Dumbass confirmed.

PrehistoricPrincess 1

I would use it to paint some fragrant graffiti on his bedroom floor and bounce. What a massive L.

Reignofratch 1999 S x 2

All these pee funnel companies keep missing the obvious name, Shenis.

AgentGingerKittie 160

!redditgarlic

PM_ME_UR_JUGZ 7

Bahah, I love this. Cool if pay it forward?

icecreamgainz 2

Why did this make me start laughing uncontrollably

sinnamon223 100

Shewee

goomata 43

This is an actual product name. Got one as a damn gift.

sinnamon223 16

If some guy in my life got me a standing piss device, I would insist on sword fights

newt_girl 8

I hear crossing streams is a no-no.

sinnamon223 3

Then it must be a duel

stuffbecausestuff 2

That's my fetish.

Conway2709 11

Been laughing at this comment for like 10 fucking minutes lmao. A fucking Shenis.... hahaha omg

ScarletZen 5

Holy shit this comment got me good, had me clutching my stomach

doktorjackofthemoon 5

Better copyright that shit right now! I guarantee you're gonna see this within the year and grumble about the stolen idea for decades lmao

-uome- 3

You wouldn't be a first move in the industry, but you'd definitely make a splash with that name.

I mean...what do you do with it after? Just stick it in your purse - all pee-ey? Carry around water to wipe it down? Wrap it in your Charmin-to-Go?

These are questions that need answers.

dumpstertomato 128

I am a woman, and I lived in my van for a while. I thought one of these would make my life easier for when I was sleeping in the city and was worried about being spotted peeing or crouching or getting out of the van or whatever. It was terrible. First of all, if you don’t control the pee speed, it pools and gets all over you. I had so many issues with dripping pee onto my underwear and pants. I felt like I couldn’t get clean properly in that situation. And yes, I just had to leave it in my van all pee-ey until I could clean it. Sometimes I would wipe it out with napkins or rinse it with water, if I wasn’t trying to be discreet about being in the van. I know there are tons of women and vagina-havers who love them and advocate for them. They probably have a better system and I just never got the hang of it. It’s probably like a diva cup in that regard. Kinda messy but you eventually get the hang of it, but it is easier with access to things like water and bathrooms.

lamNoOne 45

Diva cup

Yeah, but it stays in my vagina while in use. Unlike that thing. It just seems awkward unless you have a way to clean it out every time you pee.

dotchianni 38

I am so glad I am not the only one who has issues with my Go Girl. I thought I was just pee retarded or something. I can't use it and not get pee dribbles all over me.

muchachamala7 43

pee-tarded

FTFY

TheBomberBug 5

To be fair people with penises get pee dribbles on everything too.

dominatrix101

Yeah, there's no guarantee you're not retarded. How big is your tongue, and do you wear a helmet? These are questions you need to ask yourself.

There's also an online rest called the RAT (retard analysis test). If you or a loved one have come in contact with someone mentally retarded, you may be at risk.

gypsysurf 2

Thanks for your explanation. I am a woman in Australia and had never heard of this. I appreciate your opinion.

CorruptVolume 2

Was told that when they were issued to some of my fellow co-workers, that they should try using it while in the shower to get the hang of it.

09zmiller 2

I am a woman who has a shee wee AMA

dominatrix101 1

My girlfriend has a small vagina and her diva cup is fine for her. The key is to boil that bitch like youre cooking frogs, or molding a mouth guard.

lo_dolly_lolita 34

I have one for hiking, camping, international travel and I usually rinse with water from my water bottle and then stick in a plastic baggie. I keep extra plastic baggies on hand so I’m not reusing a dirty one.

It’s super handy and I’m so glad I got one. I have the Go-Girl brand one.

FREE_RUGS 3

Two shakes and jam it back in your pants? For the full experience.

ExploraDora64a 27

So a sheewee?

BearWithAHammer 16

I started laughing as soon as I read their product spin line.

Zet_x 11

Why does it exist when peeing sitting down is healthier? For both genders.

moosetopenguin 55

It's useful for women when doing activities where a bathroom is not accessible (e.g. camping or hiking). Squatting in the woods can sometimes make a bit of a mess...

Bibliospork 10

I always kind of wanted one to take on road trips in case I need to go badly and it’s 30 miles to the next stop.

baxendale 23

Because not everyone spends their entire lives within walking distance to a toilet.

Mostly for campers/hikers/runners so they don't have to squat and possibly piss themselves.

HarleyQ 20

Peeing while camping and for FtM to pee standing up before getting bottom surgery.

mydaddyisadrunkass 17

There is no more efficient way to pee your name in the snow. No more hopping around! It's a big relief to use this instead.

hcgator 10

I didn't know that it's healthier for men.

I'm going to use this as my reason from now on, as opposed to the fact that I'm just lazy.

veryInoffensive 9

You could just stop telling people how you pee. Honestly think they would appreciate that.

kjtstl 7

You can pee while hiking without exposing all of your business to the world.

canitakemybraoffyet 4

I use mine for camping, no more risking getting bugs or poison ivy up in there from squatting all over the place.

how is that healthy for guys... my dick would touch the water if i sat down

150097 15

Do you also shit standing up then?

bigkyrososa -2

i shit at home and take a shower after i shit

mistermenstrual 11

The shower is important due to all the shit that slides down your legs when standing in the toilet.

TatianaAlena 0

You stand in your toilet? Gross!

ApolloRocketOfLove 2

So every time you go #2, you get poo on your dick?

baxendale -7

My dick stays outside the bowl when shitting. What kind of stupid question is that?

I shit fine sitting down because my dick is not used in the act of shitting, and can just lay over a leg or when I'm at home I just let it dangle in front over the toilet bowl edge. If I just let it hang to piss while sitting, it touches the bowl and is in the water. To piss sitting down, I have to hold it and bend it so that it stays out of the water but the head points down into the water while sitting back on the seat to make room, which means if I relax too much to piss I could shit and miss the toilet with that. Really fucking uncomfortable.

Easier for me to piss standing up and quickly wipe up any dribble I make, cuz I'm fucking old.

Velcro-hotdog 1

AKA a shewee.

Kazukster 12

You could, ya know, read the post

dtzch 11

Also known as a shenis

vozmozhnost 2

You're supposed to be googling it and buying one right now. The inventor of it did an AMA and now this bizarre post appears. Seems almost like a promotion with it in the title like that.

Hoooooold up lmao I was just about to back out to front page and I spotted this gem! Had to come back and read this because that title is just the greatest hook I've ever read lol

bhino94 75

Update I'm a little disappointed

mentallyerotic 7

The story wasn’t exactly the first idea that popped in my head reading the title.

Horyv 5

It was definitely anticlimactic

SGTBarbie12 102

What is this, a crossover episode?

ryecrow 2

Suck a dick dumbshits!

Bingo__DinoDNA 91

Meta

riverbirch12 31

Peequality

If her boss is a woman, on her bosses peequality!

TaurusMoon007 14

That would truly bring peequality into the workplace.

xshawtyschroniclesx 6

Just read that post 😂😂

xknav3x 3

Hey! Lmao

Emergent-Z 2

That gd thread dude... lmaooo

tRu3_sKiTz0 1

😂😂😂

boyonthemoon 1701

Yikes, this is a tricky one since you obviously don't want to sound entitled and ungrateful (although you didn't real get a gift....you got a joke in the form of an item).... honestly, as a 28 year old male, he should probably know better.

Or maybe he's planning something huge and is gonna rock yo life.

TheLoveliestKaren 1287

To me, the way to tell if you are being entitled and ungrateful is to ask yourself "Would I have been happier getting nothing at all rather than this?" If the answer is yes then it's the gift, not you.

BaeSeanHamilton 447

Wow, this is a great line of thought. I used to give my ex the benefit of the doubt about gifts, but the last one she literally went out the day before and found the cheapest pair of sneakers after I had been hinting about needing new walking shoes. She even said how the cashier made a remark about them being ugly. I tossed them after I wore them to a music fest and got blisters. I would have been happier never getting them.

articulatepony 139

In my family’s long list of gift superstitions, giving shoes to a mate is considered unlucky because it is meant to signify the partner walking away from the relationship.

Afghaniscran 80

At least baeseanhamiltons ex wanted to make sure he got blisters while walking away.

LochNessaMonster7 6

Thank god that isn't a thing in mine. My boyfriend's favorite thing in the world are sneakers.

HoboSkid 4

Unless they want Chuck Taylor's, which are pretty standard fitting and not supportive regardless, shoes are one of those things you usually have to try on first. In that sense they just don't seem like an ideal gift IMO

Vampirenamedsunshine 2

Yep no shoes and no watches.

_tonedeafsiren 128

My boyfriend of 3 years texted me that my gift had arrived at my house (he was deployed) so I raced home as fast as I could. It was a plastic crown off of amazon... not even a pair of shitty shoes haha

puppyfeet21 23

My boyfriend of 3 years at the time knew I was big on gifts. I always went out of my way to make him something huge (we were in HS still so money was tight). I drew him Borderlands posters, all 150 original Pokémon, a portrait of him, and even at one point made a cute and interactive little scrapbook of our relationship.

He used to give me thoughtful gifts-though looking back he mostly imitated whatever I made him. Like he made me basically the same scrapbook but a little different, or those braided friendship bracelets made from string that I would make him sometimes just for the hell of it. But the last gift was the absolute worst. I was already feeling very under appreciated in our relationship, but the cherry on top was when I made him (or bought him) yet another thoughtful gift that I’d worried over for weeks, only for him to hand me a glass dolphin. Like the big clear ones that are partially blue that you buy as a souvenir in gift shops in Florida. Except it also looked slightly dirty, like he’d just found it at a garage sale or in his mom’s closet. There was no explanation for it. Dolphins had absolutely no meaning in our relationship, and I honestly couldn’t understand at all why he thought I’d like it or what I’d even use it for. Decoration...? Needless to say, we broke up a few months later.

cameltoeannie6 2

How's the dolphin??

As much as those are awful I don't know if I could toss it.

puppyfeet21 3

Pretty sure I gave it back to him when we broke up. We exchanged boxes of stuff that we’d left at each other’s houses. That, or it’s in a box somewhere in my mom’s storage after I moved out.

fascistliberal419 2

In fairness, some people just suck at gifts and people don't like giving them.

I hate giving gifts most of the time. It's hard for me to find something, on demand, for a special occasion. If I find something perfect for someone and I can afford it, I'll get it for them, regardless of the season. I don't like gift giving. I don't like gift receiving all that much. I don't like pretending that shit I don't like is stuff I should pretend to like and be grateful for. I'm just not a gift person, for the most part.

Quality time and acts of service are much more my jive. Physical touch is nice with certain people - foot rub? Shoulder/back rub? Bring it!

Actually, pretty much anything besides gifts. Once in awhile, someone will really nail a gift, but most of the time, I'd prefer a thoughtful card (aka not a strange or relies card,) with a nice note in it, or a picture of us together, or something. (The gifts I hated as a kid are the ones I like now, somewhat.)

I sometimes look to other people's gifts for idea, but I really still suck at them.

Towards the OP, I would be pissed (no pun intended) about that as a gift, esp with that build up. Hopefully, it's just a distraction for the real gift, but I mean... For her birthday? Yeah, no.

Mammitu 62

I don't think it's entitled to be pissed about receiving a cheap, thoughtless, and publicly embarrassing gift. I would try to clarify that that's it, and why, before blowing up on the dude though.

_pizza-time_ 12

No, she has a right to be ungrateful and entitled, this is fucked up

TapirDrawnChariot 8

I feel like there's no way he didn't know this was a lame ass gift (if only by itself, and not as an add on gift). He could be planning on breaking up with OP and not wanting to spend money on her. I knew a guy who got his GF some shitty ass teddy bear and she got him something valued at hundreds of dollars for Xmas, and he dumped her 2 weeks later.

popcorn_dot_GIF -2

What if you're 28, and your so has a terrible concept of money and spent on a cruise instead of paying down debt, making a payment on time, or a million other realistic scenarios... it is totally justified

What if BF is saving for a house, paying their debts, etc.

holidays and birthdays are really important to me

But friends, family, and BF were there to celebrate it. I bet a ton of people on this sub wish they had that as an adult. She's harping on not getting a sweet /expensive gift (casually uses a cruise as a context point).

Not enough info

darkhorse00000 10

Then he still could’ve chosen something other than a pissing vessel for the same amount of money!!! GTFOH 😂😂😂

icky-chu 9

No. she is harping on getting a thoughtless gift, she has no use for, and could be considered embarrasing to open in front of friends and family. Especially after he bragged and goaded yo ger she was getting something special. What he basically said to her was I think what is important to you is stupid. Hope she wraps it and gives it back to him for Xmas.

SloppyMeathole 1190

You're not crazy. That's a bizarre "gift" to give an adult at dinner in public. I got nothing against gag gifts, but to just give that and not follow it up with a real gift is bizarre and insulting. You have a right to be mad.

You said you gave tons of hints, he knows birthdays are important to you, but he still gave zero effort. Either he's really dense/immature, or he's an asshole. I suspect the former.

P.S. I also think there's a 75% chance your boyfriend has a pee fetish.

the_river_nihil 256

Probably right about that pee fetish. He wants to watch her try it out.

SloppyMeathole 228

And he was classy enough to tell her about his pee pee fetish at her birthday dinner. This guy is a real winner.

upvoteforyouhun 87

I don’t think it’s a fetish. Some people are super clueless on gifts. My MIL gave me one of these the first year I was a part of their family. Literally don’t know why, other than i hike occasionally and she heard hikers use them.. i never take more than a day hike

mentallyerotic 46

At least that has some thought and context though. She thought about getting something a hiker might like. Not a great gift but some male zero sense and seem to have no thought at all. To me that’s the point of a gift, the thought put into it. Maybe there is context the OP is not giving us. Hope she updates. It’s still kinda strange for him to give it to her in front of everyone. Hopefully your MIL was more discreet.

upvoteforyouhun 13

Nope. Family Christmas gift exchange. My first one!

mentallyerotic 2

That really sucks. Hope she wasn’t intentionally trying to embarrass you and is just semi-clueless with etiquette.

upvoteforyouhun 3

It didn’t embarrass me. I thought it was super weird and odd but his mom is kinda odd too. 🤷🏻‍♀️

MomentsInMyMind 2

OP replied in a comment that he begged her to let him watch her use it

upvoteforyouhun 2

Did not see that... 🤭

novafern 22

Well, whatever she does, I advise her to not pee on him with it. Fuck him for getting her a gift that would benefit him.. on her birthday. IF this is the weird ass case.

KayleyKiwi 2

I meean it’s bizarre, and I’d be upset, but mad might not be the right word. He either clearly made a mistake and didn’t understand, or he has something huge planned. In either scenario, I don’t think he was trying to be an asshole & therefore doesn’t deserve to be ‘in trouble’ for this.

And men, on average (according to the literature in psychology) are slightly worse at picking up on unspoken messages, including subtle hints. So if OP really outright told him then yeah it’s safe to say he knows, but knowing that many people tend to under-communicate on these kinds of things, it’s more likely he didn’t fully understand how important this was to OP.

Again, not saying OP shouldn’t be upset, just saying the guy doesn’t deserve to be crucified for this one.

Xperian1 -4

Giving a gag gift doesnt make him dense or an asshole. People have fun in different ways. If raising her expectations was part of the experience then she took it hook line and sinker. Yes, it's strange and maybe poorly thought out. But nobody is entitled to a gift because they survived another 365 days. Nobody is entitled to a gift because they were charitable. We dont know anything about financial situations, relationship dynamics, etc.

SloppyMeathole 7

You're so wrong. We do know their situation. She took him on a trip for his birthday and literally told him she likes celebrating birthdays and expected something.

And this post has nothing to do with the question of whether anyone deserves a birthday present. OP says she does, so who cares what you think about birthday presents?

I guess we have different tastes, but if I got a piss funnel with a suggesting of a pee fetish for my birthday I'd be unhappy.

mizzrym91

I think basing expectations for her boyfriend on the things she does rather than what he does is a great way to never be happy in a relationship

livingroomcandle 775

Have you opened the box? If he’s being so persistent about you trying it out, maybe (hopefully) there’s something better hidden in the box!

Otherwise... he probably just wants to watch you pee.

old_gold_mountain 545 S

After that update from yesterday I think we should all be defaulting to the advice "talk to your SO about this" when OP hasn't made clear that they've already done this.

This subreddit should be for helping get a third point of view after a failure to reach agreement between people in the relationship, not a subreddit for hearing one side of the story and complicating the uncertainty and mixed feelings that one person has without even talking to their SO about it.

livingroomcandle 202

Totally agreed that couples talking to each other could solve 90% of the problems here.

But on the other hand... this sub wouldn’t be nearly as entertaining if that’s what everyone did 😅

I’m thinking it wasn’t yesterday but s few days ago when the pregnant lady got s messed up text and thought husband was leaving her and they just needed to talk

SolarStorm2950 54

Oh yeah that one. I thought you might be referencing the guy that thought his girlfriend was cheating on him with her new friends due to how close they were, when actually they’d known each other for 10 years.

Yes. Which is why everybody defaulting to "dump him/her" is such a problem and waste. A lot of relationships and relationship building boils down to talking to the other person. People on here seem to always skip that part and default to "dump him/her." Add to that we only get part of the story from someone who could be biased or emotional and it is even worse advice.

old_gold_mountain 8

Also people are so quick to assume that in the face of a minor hiccup, a months- or years-long relationship isn't worth working towards fixing. Losing someone you've spent so much time loving is a terrible thing to go through. If there is an opportunity to fix the problem it should always be attempted.

runhomejack1399 3

After yesterday... or always. It’s always the best action to talk to them, but people come for advice so they can try to get a handle on how to approach it.

old_gold_mountain 2

The problem with coming here to get a handle on how to approach it is the reddit community is only going to have access to the information the poster chooses to provide, which means it's impossible for us to make a decision that accounts for all the available information. By definition we're going to get a skewed representation of the events. And too many people here are eager to say "break up with them" when faced with the slightest hiccup, which could easily be terrible advice.

runhomejack1399 2

Well the poster will have to discern what applies and what doesn’t. It’s also on them to provide the pertinent details. I mean, even when you ask your friends, it’s just the one side.

My point was yes, you should always talk to the person, but it’s okay to try and understand your own thoughts and feelings about it first.

old_gold_mountain 1

Well the poster will have to discern what applies and what doesn’t. It’s also on them to provide the pertinent details.

Right, and that's the problem. They're almost certainly not going to share information that makes it seem like they're mistaken or wrong about anything that's happened, because people in an argument typically do not think they're wrong.

My point was yes, you should always talk to the person, but it’s okay to try and understand your own thoughts and feelings about it first.

Sure, and if the question the poster is asking is framed like "Am I making too big a deal about this or should I talk to my SO?" then that's a good example of the kind of question that can be asked before talking to their SO.

But too many of these questions are instead framed like "Here's what happened, what should I do next?" and too many of the answers are "dump your SO" when at no point did the person communicate.

And communication is the key ingredient to any healthy relationship. If you can't talk to your SO, the relationship is doomed.

Omg. I didn’t think of that. There was a woman who got a crockpot and didn’t really cook. Finally went to open it at a later date and there was an engagement ring! (Not to get your hopes up, bc it could just be your bf sucks)

jp777777 390

That's hilarious but yeah I would have also gotten my girl another actual serious gift after that but that's just me

Marasmous 469

thats what i thought was going to originally happen so I laughed too, but then the other gift or surprise never came through. Just kept asking me to try on the peequality and let him watch me use it : /

Ettina 425

I wonder if he's got a fetish he's too embarrassed to admit to you?

Marasmous 281

I dont think so. I think he was asking jokingly, but he did seem really insistent on watching me use it

HipCleavage 605

It sounds like he got himself a present.

bumtowntrainer 123

My ex bought me tacky stripper heels as a gift once and I was like "I wouldn't fucking wear these dumb things." It was a gift for himself, like me. 🙄

HipCleavage 43

I bet they looked really tacky. Put them on, let me see.

bumtowntrainer 26

Lol, I threw them in a dumpster when we broke up. Felt good.

snoozywaifu 3

I love tacky stripper heels, I used to have to wear my big hoe heels to the supermarket or a McDonalds to pick up snacks during work and I got looks all the time for it, I had a giggle

IronWill-FE 2

This gave me a good belly laugh. Thanks, mate.

ApolloRocketOfLove 106

Like Marge's bowling ball.

OldMotherHubbard54 3

"Now bowl, damn you!"

lucia163 274

Hmm, does the peequality come in a box and did you open that box? I only ask because I just read a comment on reddit of a guy who gave his girlfriend a lackluster gift of a crockpot, but when she busted it out to use it months later she saw that there was a brand new iPod inside it as well. Hopefully something like that is the case for you too.

Aquarterpastnope 92

That's what I am hoping for OP. OP, is it in a box? Can you open it?

HoidIsMyHomeboy 30

Hopefully OP doesn't find pink Crocs in the box!

KayleyKiwi 11

You spelled “please let there be pink crocs in the box” wrong

purplebirdhouse 3

Im putting my money on something else in the box too.. and yeah the Peequality does come in a box.

tree103 30

Pee funnels are somewhat common at festivals if they are into music he may have got her festival tickets.

moosetopenguin 124

Are you sure he does not have a pee fetish that he has been possibly hiding from you? Only other reason I would consider owning one is for when I regularly go camping/hiking...do you two do that together...? 'Cause I honestly cannot fathom any other possible explanation for buying you one.

Either way, the fact that he "hyped" up your present and gave you nothing more than a pee funnel for ladies would make me question if he is mature enough to be in a serious relationship.

breakupbydefault 75

The more I know about this the more I suspect there is another gift or a ring inside. Still a dumb idea because insisting on watching you use it sounds creepy enough (unless you guys have a pee fetish thing going on), and you could pee on the real gift. Not saying he's horrible or anything, just hilariously silly if that's the case.

Bananapanda123 10

Why wouldn’t he have just said “open the box” at some point while OP and her family were sitting around TGIFriday’s, awkward laughter slowly tapering off into awkward silence?

danikuck 6

Haha he could have bought you flowers or something simple like that and gave that gift when you’re alone... I would have been annoyed lol especially if we’ve been together for 2 years... I never expect anything from anyone but I would have been surprised by that for sure lol

cobaltandchrome 4

Joking words but intense intent are weird. No matter what he says, if he’s excited by envisioning you peeing openly, that’s fetish behavior.

If it was some other kind of fetish, something tame to you - lingerie, high heels - that would still be pathetic and self serving gift to himself.

lithium142 3

Is it possible there is a card or something in the package, and that’s the real gift? Possibility? Idk I’m trying to be optimistic. I feel like anytime I got stupid around someone’s birthday or holiday, the last thing I’d want to do is built hype

rata2ille 3

So what happened? Please update if you can

filo4000 2

Oh, it's a fetish thing

ratgoose 2

And he said this in front of your family and friends??

hotdancingtuna 1

um am i for real the only one who does not see OP is a troll...

KanyeToTha -3

he shouldn't have hyped it up and then only given you that, but you're also a grown woman, 24 years old and talking about the proposition of marriage while whining about birthday presents. grow up

ArX_Xer0 75

did you ever open it? Maybe there's a ring inside.

rissa_ray 158

that has to be the WORST proposal idea i can think of. like “how’d dad propose?” “well, honey, he put a ring inside a cup to pee inside of and then waited for me to find it”

breakupbydefault 107

"He insisted on watching me pee in it and i did! Then when it overflowed and i ended up covered in pee, I realised something was stuck in it. That's when I saw the ring!"

rissa_ray 1

i’m amazed you can have a sense of humor about this, you incredible human being! I know in your shoes i’d be devastated. he better apologize and make it up really soon

breakupbydefault 3

Sorry I'm not the OP! If only.

ArX_Xer0 16

He could have been going for the "funny" proposal. Moreover, maybe he expected her to open it there, with friends around and it would have been all XD, lol, awww. "Classic bob"

rissa_ray 19

That’s true. I do, however, feel like that would be something you’d have to clear with your partner first. I’d be upset if my boyfriend proposed with a gag gift, but I’m sure some people would find it funny

VillageScribe 12

Would be weird to just let it go for week hoping she'll eventually open it though

Nemesis_Bucket 3

I'm hoping this just turns into another potato story.

OPs SO was proposing by putting the ring in there.

OP never opens the box, despite her SO wanting her to see her use it.

OPSO thinks she saw the ring and doesn't know how to say no, or will have to double down by telling OP he has a pee fetish, only to discover that he actually hates it.

OP finds the ring mid shower as well as a strange tingle inside her when she realizes this was actually HER fetish.

OP says yes hoping to be able to urinate on her SO for many moons to come, but OP is so disgusted by urine play that he backs out.

VillageScribe 2

That would be a hell of an update

random_thoughts_4td 21

Wouldn’t that be too long? Apparently the incident happened at least a while ago before it is posted here, if the bf is trying to propose, shouldn’t he by now just ask OP instead of still waiting for her to find out?

Maybe it’s not so weird for someone who gave his gf a female pee tool..

moonshiness 25

I'm with some other posters - open the box. He could have tried being funny by putting the real gift in the peequality box. If not, I've got nothing.

This might sound a bit odd, but have you opened the box and looked inside? Has he possibly hidden something in the box. My uncle bought me a purse one year and it was the ugliest velcro neon foam purse I had ever seen, but he put $20 in each of the six pockets/pouches inside the purse and it took me months to figure it out.

jp777777 4

SMH it just sounds like he doesn't get it you know...

fucko5 3

Maybe this is his way of getting you to break up with him

johnn11238 240

Oof. My dad once gave my mom a ring box with a piece of gum inside it. Who the fuck thinks that shit is funny?

pepsilepsija 83

All dads do.

baronben666 34

Lol yeah I'm a dad, you only get there from years of cold anger!

johnn11238 6

I’m a dad, and that’s a really horrible memory. I promise you I don’t think it’s funny.

md79 35

My mom still to this day 40 years later tells the story about how my dad gave her a car stereo box full of Snickers bars for Christmas when he knew she wanted a stereo.

WTF is wrong with people?

MU_Bagholder 9

Yeah who complains about a big box of Snickers

Smokeya 5

Seriously not sure if this is a joke or not but i think id rather have a box full of snickers than a car stereo haha. Either way you got my updoot.

tofucunt 9

That is SO mean my heart hurts for your mum :(

yaml0rd 3

haha, that is pretty funny

ValaAule 1

I do. My girlfriend must be pregnant...

becauseOilers 197

What has he gotten you in the past? Is this present out of character? If so, it is possible something else is coming. If not, it may just be your future.

If this was his actual present, he seems to lack maturity and intelligence, besides common sense. Him building it up like that almost feels rude. He didn't have to get you anything grand, but he also didn't have to build it up and make a joke out of your birthday.

LocustandRipley 17

Maybe he got her the gift of laughter? .. well then there was the subsequent anger. So maybe he actually got her a roller coaster ride.. emotional one? I would really like to know what he bought her in the past too.

krebs_cycle 2

Off topic: love your username

becauseOilers 1

Thank you! I do too...

KatyaSloane 181

Yes, you have the right to be upset. A gag-gift PROMPTLY followed by a real gift would have been great. This was completely obtuse, in my opinion. He needs to make it up to you.

vishbar 62

The only possibly reasonable explanation is something epic planned for later on as a surprise.

But a week...that's stretching it. Doesn't seem likely...

PurplePickel 5

A gag-gift PROMPTLY followed by a real gift

I think it's completely fine to let them sweat for a few hours as long as you get the real gift to them before their birthday concludes.

KatyaSloane 3

Oh for sure! :) I can totally agree with you on that.

Lavender_Leslie 139

I "hyped up" my bf with his gift for like 3 weeks because I was absolutely sure he'll love it, and he was so happy when he saw his gift that he started jumping out of happiness. You just DO NOT hype up someone unless you're certain about the other person's reaction... maybe he was actually excited for that gift??

Anyway, I think you should talk to your boyfriend in all honesty about the gift. You have a right to be upset, but no because of what he gave you, but more than that you had a different expectation and felt that he didn't know you enough. Just explain to him what affected you, and how it made you feel; if he cares for you he'll listen and pay more attention next time; it never has to be about the cost, but about something that proves he thinks of you. Hope it helps!

cpy1973 22

I think he was excited about seeming like a hilarious, fun boyfriend and getting a lot of attention at her party.

IronWill-FE 3

I agree with this. He probably wanted the attention and the reputation of a funny guy.

itzuki87 3

pay more attention

pee more attention 😏

CastielGalafran 123

I see this going two ways.

​

Either your relationship is otherwise healthy, there are no major problems, and this was a stupid screw up on his part. In that case, I recommend you have an honest conversation about how this was hurtful and what your expectations are for gifts.

​

Or this is just a symptom of a dysfunctional relationship. My ex did this every holiday. It went from bad to worse. Each time he would hype the gift up for weeks or months, telling me how amazing it was, how happy I'd be, how much work he put into it.

​

The first gift this happened with was my first birthday we were together. My body was breaking down from an eating disorder. My therapist, as part of my treatment, forbade me from counting calories or weighing myself. My ex hyped up my birthday gift and I let myself feel excited. What did he get me? An old Fitbit of his that he didn't want anymore. It was missing parts. He didn't even wrap it. He would yell at me if I didn't wear it and count my calories. He said my therapist was bullshit and he knew how to treat my disorder.

​

The second time this happened was Christmas. Again, he hyped me up for weeks. I spent almost all my money getting him multiple nice gifts. Christmas day came around. Nothing. I waited a week. Still nothing. Finally, two or three weeks after Christmas, I meekly brought up the gift. He yelled at me for being selfish then drove to the art supply store and bought the cheapest, clearance easel he could find. He told me to stop whining and to be less selfish.

​

My birthday came around again. He hyped it up. A week before my birthday, he announced tonight was the night I'd be getting my big present. At this time, I was suicidal and severely depressed. We weren't having consensual sex much anymore. By this point he was just forcing it when he wanted it then crying and yelling about how I was selfish and frigid. He made me close my eyes then we drove around for an hour as he had me guess what he got me. Finally, we parked. He had me open my eyes. We were at the cheapest, dirtiest sex shop in the ghetto part town. He was beaming. I started sobbing, begging him to let this be a joke. He just yelled at me for being frigid then forced me to go into that store, still crying and quietly pleading to leave, and made me pick out sex toys which he would then rape me with for months. The next week, he tried to forbid me from having a birthday lunch with my friends. When I stayed passed the 30 minutes I was allowed, he screamed at me in the car for being a selfish liar.

​

I'm not saying your relationship is abusive or this alone is abusive. Like I said, it could just be a stupid mistake and something that can be talked through. But it reminds me of a big theme in a severely abusive relationship of mine. If your boyfriend shows other unhealthy behaviour, don't just rugsweep this.

cortsnort 90

Wtf. I feel like there should be a website where we can keep track of crazies like this and we can look them up before dating.

LilBadApple 27

That is honestly the best idea I've heard all day

dananky 27

We have a page in NZ called Watchful Wahine (wahine means woman in maori) where women will post about men who have assaulted others. It's quite good. Should be more popular.

EnchantedSand 20

I have a few exes that people need warning about.

moshtradamus_ 5

When I was 15/16, I had an ex that would grab my arm so hard I’d end up with finger bruises. Once he swung a shovel at my head and another time he ripped my shirt off like actually ripped it in half and I had to walk home in just a zip up hoodie. I was just a kid, my first boyfriend. It’s been 12 years, I live 1,000 miles away, and I’m still terrified of him. Two months of that was all it took to not go away.

...he just had a baby and got engaged. I wish I could warn her, but I’m too scared. But if he hasn’t changed, I’m sure she’s probably aware.

openbO0k 5

Yes please >.<

Karen125 3

Like a dating credit report?

brimstonesacrifice 2

It used to exist. It was called something like Don't Date Him Girl. They took down all the stories/recountings a long time ago, though.

doktorjackofthemoon 2

Professional escorts have webpages like this, but they're very "exclusive." You have to regularly prove your identity and profession somehow... When I lived in Panama City and hung out with a bunch of drag queens/escorts, they showed me and it was mind blowing. You can search by name, phone number, address, DOB, etc. etc. and read "reviews" of the clients. It was mostly to help flag violent men or dudes who didn't pay/show up.

I searched a few family members I was suspicious of, and was shocked to get even a few results. It quickly felt very violate-y though and I stopped.

Either way, I have always wondered why there wasn't some sort of similar database for the general population - at least for women as a safety measure. It's a tricky issue - as far as privacy and slander is concerned - but God damn would it be convenient.

cortsnort 3

I'm with you on that. I've been on some scary dates with guys who seemed so normal. I pretty much rely on business success which is a shame because automatically excludes some good guys. I assume that if a guy isnt promoted at work after years, it would mean theres an issue with him. Its not foolproof. I had a bad date with an Intel engineer who was bat shit. Also it doesnt factor in guys who are great but their exes are psycho. I've dated guys where their ex was dangerous. You wouldn't know for at least a month or so in that case. Its like the poor girl who got executed by her bfs ex wife. Anyway, itd be good to know.

cats3503 56

Wow. I’m really sorry you had that experience. :( I’m glad you got out of it.

crazydressagelady 28

To the person who commented this, this is one of the more horrifying comments I’ve read on reddit for some reason- there’s something really psychologically manipulative and skeevy about your ex that i can feel through my phone. I’m so sorry you went through that.

To the OP: I don’t think your boyfriend is trying to set you up for a slide into the abusive relationship torture zone. I agree with other commenters that he probably has a pee fetish and there needs to be a talk about expectations around gifts but I don’t think he meant to gaslight you.

mercifulmothman 12

I’m so sorry you went through that. You are so strong for surviving and getting out of such an abusive relationship <3

SarainLaLaLand 10

Jesus effing Christ! I’m glad you said ex. I’m sorry you had someone that toxic in your life.

MsCandi123 4

Wow, that is absolutely awful, I'm so sorry.

clefairykid 2

Not at all trying to say my experience is identical to others here but I had an abusive relationship that spanned just under a year thereabouts, and now that I'm reading some of these posts I'm surprised by how similar it sounds in some aspects. I got him a DS video game system for xmas and he got me... a shirt with his face printed on it. Not even kidding, he thought it was particularly epic. The only other gifts I got during that time period were a silver plated necklace (which I actually at the time loved, it had a personalised engraving on it) and a video montage of.. us... which maybe sounds sweet to some but is inherently a creepy thing to me now given that it was for our "1 month anniversary" as bf/gf.

When I did end it, it did not go well (he'd finally crossed a line even I couldn't ignore, which turned him from occasionally problematic into outright terrifying), and he asked for his necklace back to give to his next gf when he could find one (which he promptly attempted to do so less than a month later). And yes, despite it having a personalised engraving on it, he did not want to have to pay for a whole new necklace for the next girl that he somehow was so sure he'd find.

I know that maybe a lot of people reading these posts might be wondering how and/or why anyone would have waited through all that treatment instead of leaving them but I 100% understand how this is. It's not something you ever expect to end up in, and I'm as out and loud feminist as they come, but if you've ever had some other dark aspect in your life, it can leave that chink open to exploitation. Some of us just want that desperately to be not alone/appear to be loved, that it can take years to decide nothing is actually better.

I have a better partner now by far, but I just wanted to contribute this because I think people would be surprised how possible it is for people with pain in other areas of their life to fall into these situations long term, and it's so interesting how gifting can be such a tell-tale sign of something being off.

PsshBwaaah 95

So you took him on a cruise excursion and he bought you something so you can pee standing up.

Is he always this dumb? Or was this a one time thing where he might have messed up?

Maybe as a joke gift it would be funny, as long as he got you something else.

But I think if someone I was dating got me some shitty ass cheap joke gift after I took them on a cruise I wouldn't be talking to them anymore. And it's not even about the gift, it's about the fucking effort.

The dude is a clueless fuck.

Edit: Reading more comments, and comments from OP. This dude definitely has a pee fetish if he keeps insisting that she let him watch. What the fuck. Lol.

SpectralHues 14

We have to be cautious when judging - myself and others think he's pushing for her to 'try out' the item to get her to open the box without giving it away. A lot of people use crappy boxes to hide gifts in, so much so you can literally order gag boxes to disguise items.

Now, if she opens it and there's nothing in the box but the item on the label then I would agree it was a horrible gift...but until she opens the box and sees, I would withold judgement.

Heck, just a search for prank gift box on Amazon turns up with things that are basically a snuggie, ear wax candles, pet shoes to sweep the floor, margarita machine, extreme chores for the wii, etc.

Either way, as with all things, they need to COMMUNICATE. If he hid a gift, he needs to tell her because she's getting angry due to a misunderstanding. If he got her a crappy gift, she needs to tell him how she feels instead of stewing over it.

Buglocc 5

If I got my girl a gift that allowed her to stand up to pee I'd definitely want to see that shit in action.

adultcherub 93

Yes, I would be mad. I don’t necessarily expect my boyfriend to get me an equal gift because I have more money and I just prefer to be extra when it comes to gift giving, but a gag gift should not be your entire present. I would explain to him that I was upset and given the circumstances I’d imagine he’d understand.

jmverlin 85

Yes! It's one thing to get a joke gift -- I got my girlfriend, who hates football, "Football for Dummies" this year for Hanukkah, before immediately afterwards giving her a real gift. This is certainly an embarrassing gift to get in front of your family, though I don't think OVERLY embarrassing....but to follow it up with nothing else, yeah, that's a real asshole move.

buttchinthegamer 52

On top of that, it seems like a gift so he can get off.

cchirider 82

He's showing you how he is. This is what you have to look forward to. If it's not acceptable to you, tell him or move on.

r2809562 70

A few days ago on some group a womans husband bought her a $100 worth of nice candles and her and a half dozen other women went on and on and on about what a selfish ass he is and he did it on purpose and she needs to leave him because he will be this way forever and i thought they were overreacting but because i was in the minority i didnt say anything and thought maybe that was a really terrible gift maybe candles are just real annoying. Now i feel like OP should go and pee on that ladys house with her new peequality and then that lady can see how useful the candles really are and how lovely her husband really is and OPs BF can finally see her use the peequality and then maybe once the fratboy is out of his system he can man up and look up what a gift is and where to buy candles from. Also somebody send both men a Zales catalog or something. ✌🏼

Edit: on a serious note, OP, your boyfriend was an ass with this present. Have a talk with him. Money and stuff isnt a big deal and gag gifts can be hilarious but if he worked you up and you did a lot for his day it is fair to expect something more valuable (not necessarily monetarily valuable, it can be emotionally valuable too) that a pee joke.

buttchinthegamer 71

Wait, what? When did $100 dollars in nice candles become a bag gift? I always thought that was real nice.

1ovewaters 38

if i'm correct it was $100 in candles that OP had made clear she didn't want and that it was more a gift for him.

r2809562 7

Yes thats the one. Thats why i said someone get both men a zales catalog or something lol. I just read this and thought yeah, that ladys husband meant well there was too much being said against him, thisss heres the guy to burn at stake!

EmergencyShit 27

It’s a bad gift if you don’t like candles and the husband knows this and has defaulted to giving candles for every occasion.

pintsizedjo 23

I love candles

buttchinthegamer 9

My ex I remember always loved when I got her candles, and those where the cheap ones. I would’ve loved to afford the real nice yankee candles or something of that sort.

WhatUDonutWant2Hear 3

yankee candles are way over priced, a good scented candle is a good scented candle. I'm not sealing letters in the middle ages I am enjoying the smell and atmosphere.

pintsizedjo 2

Yeah Yankee candles are expensive, Tesco candles are just as good!

r2809562 11

She had asked for something else beforehand and he always got her candles, kind of a lazy thing to do but i did feel the lady overreacted when she could have just talked it out with him.

greeneyedwench 2

What, did he sell Partylite and have a closet full of unsold inventory?

clefairykid 2

As a young woman who is frequently gifted candles even from when I was a girl, when I live in a total fireban area and have survived multiple bushfires and therefore have never lit a candle in my life and don't intend to, I can say that it gets extremely annoying how candles become this "go-to gift choice for a woman you apparently don't know that well (I'm obviously more tom boy than girly from first glance, so I just do not get how anyone would ever think I'd like one regardless).

That and the next most common being earrings when I not only don't have pierced ears but actually have no earlobes at all, is similarly excruciating. I can't even wear them! What is the point!

I made a joke that since I've been roped into a secret santa thing this year, I'm betting someone has managed to invent candle earrings and I'll be getting at least one pair.

I personally always take great care in gift giving, to ensure that some level of thought and appropriateness is present regardless of price etc, and I do not ever see this in return, which is like, fine I guess considering I'm not huge on xmas to start with but, man, even socks might have been better than those two particular things that come up time and time again. I got a pair of herb scissors once and was way more stoked, despite having also no use for that, at least it was something I'd never seen before! haha

nixpuss 69

was there something hidden in it?

ohemgee0309 59

That was my thought. If he truly doesn’t have a pee fetish then maybe he rigged the box and you won’t get the big gift til you open it? If not...then regardless what you thought, it’s pretty certain he HAS a pee fetish. Or he’s just an insensitive clod who thinks a joke is a great gift.

potatofiefdom 39

Definitely worth checking! I read a comment yesterday about someone who got his SO a crockpot and she was a little upset. Something like three years two months later, when she went to use it, she found an iPod inside of it.

Edit: Way off on the timeline!

nixpuss 13

wow! it's so strange that he didn't say anything lol

potatofiefdom 14

Right?! I can’t keep any gifts I buy a secret more than like 10 seconds. Some people just like the long con, I guess!

crazydressagelady 3

It’s like the real life Office teapot

sydneyunderfoot 26

This is the only thing that would save him. If he keeps asking you to take it out, maybe the real gift is inside and he thought that would be a funny joke?

PS- I thought it was called a wenis

plumberdude2018 21

Your "wenis" is the flap of skin on the tip if your elbows.

spo_dermen 27

How do you unread something

plumberdude2018 12

Stroke your wenis

nixpuss 13

lol i thought it was called a she-wee

Bad_Wulph 2

Independence.

ozzyosborn687 49

How long ago was your birthday? Maybe he has an event, like a concert or something planned as a surprise? Sure, he could have given you the tickets or something on the day of your birthday, but maybe he thinks a completely random surprise is much better.

Marasmous 92

it was last weekend so its been well over a full week. Thats why I doubt the big surprise is real.

ozzyosborn687 33

To give some potential context, my friend's birthday was mid-November and his wife only gave him a small gift on his birthday, but then this past weekend, she took him a game of his favorite sports team. Woke him up in the morning and was like "Would you like to go see the X game today? Happy Birthday."

Possibly not the case here, but ya never know. I'd say wait and see what happens until after Christmas. He could be doing a really big birthday/Christmas thing.

Marasmous 81

Yeaaah all he's really said about it is insisting I try it on and let him watch me use it :(

immaLiar 160

He has a pee fetish. Have you said "is this all you got me? Cause this is retarded."

When he says yes, say "wow that was a bad joke, just like you" and walk out.

passedoutprincess 102

Sorry, but I agree with this. You’ve been together two years, he made a joke out of something that’s a big deal to you.

As much as I love my SO, if they hyped a gift to me and got me super excited only for it to be something like this that has no significant meaning to me, I’d be done.

He doesn’t have to surprise you with an all-expenses paid trip somewhere, but that’s ALL he got you?? Unacceptable.

Groot_Is_Epic -48

If you are only in the relationship for the gifts then you aren’t the right person for a relationship.

immaLiar 44

It's not about that. It's about toying with her emotions. Play dumb games, win dumb prizes.

CeannCorr 25

It's not for the gifts, but how and what a partner gifts you tells you a lot about how much they pay attention to you and how much they value you.

moosetopenguin 17

It's about what the gift represents. In this case, it represents not giving a sh*t about OP's feelings, which is the problem.

buttchinthegamer 13

He hyped a gift for something that means a lot to her and the gift was basically something for himself! As she said, he wants to watch her use it. To each their own with fetishes, I don’t judge, but that’s pretty shitty to get your gf a gift so you can get off on their bday.

Fat_Krogan 3

Did you actually read OP’s post?

Thundershart123 107

So for your birthday he got himself a sex toy, kinda.

Classy.

NameIdeas 28

Just to be clear, you did open the box completely right? It isn't one of those things where he literally got you a peequality thing, I hope.

I'm hoping he hid an actual present inside the box that hasn't yet been opened.

Please tell me this /u/Marasmous, because this is the world's dumbest gift if not.

porkpork 14

I hope he didn't say that in front of your family. Did you maybe ask him why he got you this? I would be insulted and hurt because its like he got a gift for himself if this was for his fetish. I would ask him what sort of entertainment or value you were supposed to get from it. If he doesn't have a good answer and keeps going with the gag, I would tell him that your birthday isn't a joke and he can keep his gift for someone else. I would also consider if he's worth it as a partner.

questionthis 13

Did you open the box yet? Could be a real gift inside

embracing_insanity 29

I've seen this same question asked of OP a few times throughout and others suggesting he might have hidden the 'real' gift inside. Especially since he keeps insisting she open it and let him watch. But she has not answered or replied to any of those.

I really think she should open the box and look through it. Or confirm she's already done that and there was nothing but the actual pee thing in there.

Seriously though OP, did you open the box, and is the head of David’s wife inside?

dexterrmorgan 4

Right?? I’m dying to know what’s in the god damn box

MomentsInMyMind 4

A Peequality.

If there was something better in the box he would have had her open it at her party and not left all her family thinking that’s what he really got her

charkbite 7

I think he wants to “watch” you because there is something else in the box and he wants to see your reaction when you open it. He can’t possibly be so dense that this is the actual gift.

pancakerachael 4

Did you open the box?

pastoursatellites 4

Have you opened the box to confirm that it is, indeed, a peequality? Because I got a “gag gift box” for my husband one year for Christmas with the real gift inside- the box itself looks very real but it’s a ridiculous “gift” labeled on it. If he’s that insistent on you “trying it out” or letting him “see you use it”, it could be something else, like a ring. Do you feel like you know him well? Does this seem like his character? I’d say after 2 years, you should at least be able to gauge what kind of person your SO is, or the style of gift-giver they are at least.

KanyeToTha 0

lmao

ozzyosborn687 -7

Yeah i'm not gonna lie, i feel like that is something i would say lol. No weird fetishes or anything here, just a natural curiosity lol

TubbyandthePoo-Bah 2

A week isn't a long time in my man brain op.

Just tell him you didn't like the gift and see what he does.

If he's totally on the level tell him you didn't think it was funny and would prefer he spent more thought on it, and that you would appreciate it if he took it seriously next year.

At the end of it all it's only one day, and it's likely that he does have a surprise planned. Even if he doesn't, and he thought it was hilarious, it's not the worst thing that could happen if you actually love the guy.

Do you have the right? Of course you have the right. The real question is whether it's worth poisoning a relationship over.

L80cakes 42

My bf and i have been together for 1.5 yrs and he got me a mug and a coloring book for my birthday. His birthday is in 3 days and i plan on giving him a hot wheel toy and a cup.

TheLoveliestKaren 8

That's pretty adorable. I love small little gifts like that, but they need to be thoughtful.

L80cakes 5

You really are the loveliest.

DntfrgtTheMotorCity 6

You’re funny.

EmInNM 2

Omg today is my birthday and my bf of 3 years just got me a mug! I tried to play it cool but honestly I was kind of pissed. I always go above and beyond for his birthdays. We just had a child and money is tight so i wasn’t expecting anything expensive at all...but like I don’t even drink coffee? So weird.

L80cakes 3

I just hate the thoughtlessness of the gift. I'm not a hard person to please imo so i think it comes down to the fact that on the day you were born, the day you're supposed ti be celebrated it felt more like, eh oh yeah its you. Here ya go

mklmnde1975 40

Of course you can be upset. What are you upset about - that he didn't get you a gift? That he is incredibly immature? That he embarrassed you in front of family and friends? That he hinted at a great gift, when he knew he was getting you a gag gift? In my mind any of these situations are valid reasons for being upset with him. When you reflect on your relationship is this behavior something you would expect of him or out of character? If you are upset, you should talk with him about it. Be specific about why you are upset with him. Maybe it isn't the gift, or lack of that's bothering you? Maybe it's the immature way he handled an event that's important to you? Again, is this to be expected of him or out of character?
And for those who are suggesting that this is his way of introducing you to something he would like to try sexually- again an INCREDIBLY immature way to do so. At 28 years old, I would expect better communication skills. Good luck - hope you are able to work it out.

DeadFoyer 35

Yes, you had the right to be upset.

Let him know that you're upset. You're allowed to do that. It's a big part of how healthy relationships work.

rjvjere 33

Put a potato in a nice box, wrap it and give him for christmas.

kharmicreddit 36

In front of people

HectoSexual 10

An avocado*

KanyeToTha 9

thaaanks

text_memer 3

Or be a rational adult who doesn’t whine and cry like a kid who didn’t get what they wanted for Christmas, and just ask your SO why they got you such a strange gift. Crazy thought

puh-tey-toh -5

Also OP, if you decide to break up with him before Christmas then I suggest mailing your potato

puppetpauperpirate 25

This is weird as shit and frankly disrespectful fetish or not. I'd tell him so immediately. Damn I'd be really upset.

BlueGrape_Htx 24

Well shit, im single and like cruises.

Lmao

TheLoveliestKaren 7

Quick, think of one less stupid thing that you could get for OP (should not be difficult)

midnightlushie 12

$100 worth of candles!

OtterNoncence 24

Please post update. After you talk to your bf because yes, you have a right to be upset.

savage0ne1 20

That honestly sounds cruel.
To raise your hopes, make you excited, then crushing you and doing it in front of friends and family.

If I was in your position, I would speak with him directly and be willing to be vulnerable.

Let him know you’re all for a good laugh, but this really hurt your feelings. The way he built it up, made you feel so excited but then so dumb. And it felt cruel- then even harsher to do it in front of family.

Because for two years of a relationship, to just get a piss cup after such fuss made about it- is hurtful and you want to understand why he thought that was such a good idea and so funny. And ask him if he can see why you would feel hurt.

The response to these questions should let you know if you have someone who can genuinely be a partner or if he is just a Schmuck.

Flea8u 17

I try to avoid making snap judgments about people based on one incident like this; however, in my experience, there was always a point in a relationship that I looked back on and thought, “I should have walked away then”. This could possibly be that point for this relationship.

PizzaNuggies 16

Sounds like you're about to get dumped. Or he's an idiot.

Marasmous 9

why do you think im about to get dumped?

PizzaNuggies 45

He didn't bother to put any effort into something you claim he knows you highly value.

PurpleUnicornCupcake 33

I have to agree with this. Possibly he wants to end the relationship so this is his way of showing you how little he truly cares about you so that you will be the one to end it.

forgotacc 8

Plus, OP said he was acting more distant lately.

moosetopenguin 29

Think about it...what kind of guy who genuinely cares about his girlfriend would give a gag gift for her real gift? Unless he's an immature idiot who honestly believed that was a good gift you would enjoy...or he has a pee fetish that he is trying to get you to warm up to...

TubbyandthePoo-Bah 2

If he was going to dump you he'd have gone for a low effort gift like soap, or just dumped you and saved the $5.

Never sure if people are stupid or trolling tbh.

DntfrgtTheMotorCity 0

Dump his azzz.

Rarashishkaba 13

I’d be pissed

brigirl94 4

I get it... Pissed.. It's a pee joke... Ha.

Caroline_Bintley 3

I appreciate a good pun, but that's a wee bit much.

Little420ne 13

Go talk to him. That is stupid and embarrassing. I’d be pissed if my boyfriend did that!

yokkles 21

Pissed, heh.

buhbrinapokes 12

I know everyone in this thread wants you to think your bf is horrible and that you should break up, but you should consider a few possibilities:

Have you opened the box? There's a chance your real gift is inside a gag box.

You mentioned you planned an excursion for him for his birthday, is it possible he bought you the Peequality because you'll need it for some trip he has planned for you, where bathrooms may not be readily available?

Open the box. Wait a bit longer. If it's either of the two above options, you'll likely hurt his feelings by criticizing his gift.

dreamxtheater 11

my now ex got me an extension cord for my birthday once because he " noticed I needed one " boys are just stupid sometimes

AstronautGuy42 10

If you’re upset then you have every right to be upset.

If I were in your place I’d be crushed, especially if you go out of your way to get him sentimental or meaningful gifts.

Also money is no excuse. I made my girlfriend a hand drawn card when I was tight on money, on a big piece of oak tag and she cried when reading it. Happy tears I promise.

Money isn’t needed if you put in effort and have respect for your SO so don’t listen to the knobs here telling you you have no right to be upset.

That being said, gifts aren’t important to everyone and that’s fine. But, embarrassing you in front of your friends and family is never a nice thing to do. I’d really take a step back and think about things if that’s what he finds suitable behavior.

Also also, make sure you express these feelings to him. If at that point he doesn’t express or show any signs of remorse, well then I think thatll clear some things up for you. People can and will change their behavior to the best of their ability when it comes to the people they love.

Cowmandonthavea 10

I can only presume the surprise hasn't come yet? But I don't wanna get your hopes up. But yes you obviously are justified being upset that that's all he got you, is he normally retarded?

Marasmous 27

Its been over a week though, so I feel like if there was a surprise it would have happened by now.

Should I bring it up and ask him about it? He's not normally this insensitive but has seemed rather distant lately the more i think about it

Cowmandonthavea 40

Yeah I think you should say something like "what was up with my birthday present?" He shouldn't need any more elaboration than that, the gift was clearly so shit that he basically didn't get you anything

Rustys_Shackleford 22

You just don't ask to watch someone pee without having a fetish for it, and he's asked MORE THAN ONCE to watch you piss. You can caution it with a "look I don't mind if you ask to do some weird sex things but I DO mind that you gave me a gift that YOU would enjoy without even talking to me about it first". I'm mad for you. He gave himself a gift, hoping that you'd be too polite to bring it up.

Why-am-I-here-again 19

OP, did you open the damn thing yet? Maybe there's a reason he wants you to open it.

WHAT'S IN THE BOX?

WHAT'S IN THE FUCKING BOX?!?

madguins 15

HAVE YOU OPENED THE BOX!

Maybe he put tickets to something in there or otherwise and he doesn’t want to say anything until you open it. Seriously open it and update.

If that’s really it dump him. But you have to open it.

itsjustforfunsowhat 10

Yeah, I definitely think it’s time to bring it up. You can start off the convo with something like, “Hey, this has been on my mind so I wanted to talk to you about something.” And then go into your thoughts about it and how it made you feel. The only way to get past things that upset you is to talk about them. My SO and I never let anything fester for longer than a few hours just so we get enough time to process whatever’s upsetting us. I think you’ve waited long enough!

CJ74U2NV 7

Or he's going to breakup with you and thought this might trigger the fight that allows him to leave without looking like he's the one doing the breakup for no reason.

Manders37 8

OP, i want an update after all these comments cause theyball pose the same questions i'm thinking:

-is it in a box?
-did you open the box?
-did you try to use it?
-has he mentioned it since?

And if you havent talked to him yet, please do, and then update us! :P

CapK473 8

I see a lot of people saying 'oh maybe hes bad at gift giving'. But we are talking about a peequality. I mean, c'mon. Half the people in this sub didnt even know what it was, I sure as hell didn't. He didnt get her a lamp, or a weird candle, or lingerie or an extension cord. HE BOUGHT HER A PEE FUNNEL. That's weird. That's weirder than bring 'bad at gifts'. And it's not about how much something costs when it comes to gift giving. It's about knowing your partner and picking out something you think they will like or use. A PEE FUNNEL- AND THEY DONT EVEN CAMP.

rofimo 8

So my father does this to my mother regularly. Instead of getting a good gift that’s meaningful to my mother, he buys her stuff like two training wheels and connects it to one of her bras. Then brings it to her work(which is also his work because he owns the company and she works there) then presents it to her in front of everyone and it’s cringe and abusive and yeah. She should’ve left him a long time ago.

aduffduff0207 8

Do you guys enjoy camping or doing anything outdoors? If so that could be a miniature gift for a super awesome hiking backpacking trip? Idk I bet he has something else up his sleeve. Whem I was away last year my husband told me he got me a sweater with cats on it. I was kinda pissed because I was making us good money. Turns out he got me a gorgeous necklace with a momma cat cuddling a baby cat and I felt like a shithole

annaleaf 7

I’m with a bunch of the other commenters on this one... I think there might have been something else in the box? Have you opened it? Because if not, that’s weird as fuck.

Cilantroduction 7

DID YOU OPEN THE BOX??? WAS THERE A RING OR SOMETHING? Even so, he's a dumbass. Please OP, did you open the box?

TryAgainMyFriend 2

I still see no answer to this question six hours later, even her edit ignores the question. Did it come in a box and if so, what's in the fucking box?!

anitrix43 7

Maybe the real present was he wants you to pee on him? ... 😯

KingsKnight24 -2

Weird flex but okay

giveuptheghostbuster 7

So...you’re still speaking to him? Bc I wouldn’t after that.

text_memer

Lol wow. That’s an incredibly uppity and spoiled thing to say. Maybe try being an adult and asking your SO why they got you such a weird gift...?

jitbtwin52 7

Have you actually TALKED to him about this yet? One, rational or not, he needs to know you’re upset. He could very easily have an explanation, and even if he doesn’t, if this was all he had, it’s possible he thought you’d find it waaaaayyyy funnier then you did, and he needs to know it missed its mark.

Also, it’s the holidays. I have no idea if you guys celebrate Christmas, but if you do, he could have the gift planned for then, so my first gut reaction, is you may be jumping the gun on being upset. Talk to him, see what he says, and if he says you have to wait for the big surprise, then drop it and wait. You wouldn’t want to spoil anything because you got yourself all worked up.

I know it might be awkward, because you don’t want to seem selfish or self centered. But in this case, with how important birthdays and holidays are to you, I doubt he’ll see you in a negative way.

_Bruin_ 3

Good ol' "have you talked to him?" The "have you tried turning it off and back on again?" of relationships.

jitbtwin52 3

To be fair, turning it off and on again works about 80% of the time.

But talking to him is a pretty valid response since, you know, it involves him. We don’t know his perspective. We don’t have all the facts. So why are so many people calling the guy an asshole?

Seriously, if we’re all adults then shouldn’t we provide adult responses like “talk to them” rather than “the dudes fucking trash or retarded”?

Seriously don’t understand how so many people can condemn the other party without all the facts.

geochick11 7

I have to know if you have opened it

the_mad_villain 6

Maybe stop being so materialistic

TheOneWhosCensored 6

Have you checked inside the thing? I know there’s stories about people hiding something like a phone or ring inside a shitty seeming gift.

Liaminn 6

Of course you have all the right to be upset. That’s not an appropriate gift for any girlfriend. God!

Nightingale823 6

Have you opened the box to see if he hid a ring in the box?

SoulSapiency 6

I haven’t seen the question answered yet: Did you actually open the box to ensure that it wasn’t a prank box (or he wasn’t just using the box as one)? They have those boxes around the holidays that look like actual product boxes, but the products are ridiculous, and not real.

Edit: and yes, I do know this is an actual product that exists (never heard it called this name though).

dexterrmorgan 7

Seriously, this is driving me crazy. I want to know what’s actually in the damn box but she hasn’t responded to anybody asking if she opened the box

formeraltarboy 6

HAHAHA I’m sorry but this exact same thing happened to my bf and I. We’ve been dating two years now but we had been together for about 5 months at the time. Our birthdays are one day apart and I got him a nice watch and he surprised me with this pee contraption. I wasn’t really offended by the scale of the gift, especially because we’d never exchanged gifts before and did not yet know one another’s gift giving style. I was upset at how sexist and unsanitary the thing seems! Like i do just fine with what I got

whiteblacksheeps 5

Is he a decent human, is he kind and caring? I don't understand people getting upset because a gift wasn't "good enough"

TheLoveliestKaren 9

I think the its about the difference between a disappointing gift, and an insulting gift. This was the insulting kind. Disappointing shows that they tried to get you something they thought you'd like but just fell short. This guy clearly didn't put in as much thought for her gift as she put in for his. He was being selfish.

DisguisedAsMe 0

It's not really a gift though... it's something he gave her to act out his fantasy. And it seems kind of humiliating and weird to open that in front of her family after she got him a cruise..

yogixd3 5

Have you opened it yet? Maybe he put a real gift inside the box lol

Baseballaholic 5

Nope as long as he still shows you you're important to him

erinmakenzy1 5

I was in basically the exact same situation. Holidays are really important to me. I got him an awesome gift. He got me two quarters and a pack of Pez candy. Not even the dispenser. Just the candy. We broke up very soon after.

text_memer

I don’t believe that.

8365815 5

You gave him a CRUISE , he gave you a gross thing to stand up and pee?

Well good, if he wants to have a partner who stands to pee, he can stop pretending to be into girls.

Honey, there's a point to look him in the eye and ask, in no uncertain terms, if this really was your gift. No kidding, no pretending. Like, there's a time to have a joke, but there's a time to NOT JOKE. And, honestly? There's a time to return all the Christmas gifts you bought him.... and you're at that point.

If his answer is yes? This WAS the real gift? Its not ok. Its cruel, and he intentionally amused himself at your discomfort and embarrassment... sweetie, that's not immaturity at age 28, that's a Narcissist and a sociopath. It's time to not even get upset... it's time to dump him and move on. Immediately. This wasnt a "bad" gift, this was a "fuck you".

Maybe you're thinking this is a prelude to an engagement ring for Christmas? Um... NO. That doesn't make this OK. Lots of guys might do something smaller when going to go big for a holiday like that, but he could have "gone small" with an actually funny t shirt, or a scarf. He didn't need to be this patheic and weird. The joke was on you, but it REALLY wasn't funny.

pickelrick_ 5

Has he done this so you'll dump him and he can go on the cruise alone ..
Either he's planning to propose or he's got his friends in his ear ..
Not ok in front of family

crazyashley1 4

Piss on him.

makesyoulosectrl 4

I'm gonna be an ashole here, but you are petty as fuck. " He knows holidays and birthdays are really important to me " wrongm geting stuff is important to you. "past year I surprised him with a summer cruise excursion for his birthday. " you even bring up the stuff you gave him, how sad and petty is that? I would love that your boyfriend actually got to read this, to see what he's in for.

​

Edit:

Things to be upset with: He doesn't treat you well, doesn't take care of you or show that he cares, flirts with other girls, cheats or trys to cheat, doesn't help you at all, doesn't give emotional support etc...

​

Petty shit to get upset with: A gag present.

​

It's sad to realise how the values have changed, has people actually thinks you should get upset over a gag present, a materialistic matter...

jlbfromdagulf 13

There are FIVE love languages.

Gift giving is hers or one of hers. Sounds like you acts of service or quality time are yours.

No need to call her names.

giveuptheghostbuster 12

Uh. His gift was thoughtless, insulting, and frankly embarrassing. Given the example she gave, which sounds like she puts a lot of thought into it, she’s completely within her rights to assume that this guy isn’t putting in as much effort as she is.

You sound like a dick. May your next girlfriend buy you a bottle to pee in for your next gift. Hey, it’s the thought that counts, right?

makesyoulosectrl -1

Dude i got a gf, and we went throw thick thin, after i had a bike accidente, and she had some health problems as well, with moeny and whithout money, and what counts for me are little things, like when she makes go to bed when i'm sick and cooks me a warm dinner, when i work night shifts and she stays awake until 4 am to make company on the phone, and stuff like that, what i value is some one that values me a as person and wants to be there for me and wants me to be there for her, a person who crys with me, who laughs with me, a person who accpets my help when she needs to, a person that makes me want to be there for her. If you do something just to point it out later, the jesture itself loses value, i sound like some one who actually has a real relationship, not a plastic one based on stuff and on give and take...

Dude i got a gf, and we went throw thick thin with money and whithout money, and what counts for me are little things, like when she makes go to bed when i'm thick and cooks me a warm dinner, when i work night shifts and she stays awake until 4 am, to make company on the phone and stuff like that, what i value is some one that values me a as person and wants to be there for me and wants me to be there for her, with or without money... if you do something just to point it out later, the jesture itself loses value, i sound like some one who actually has a real relationship, not a plastic one based on stuff and on give and take...

giveuptheghostbuster

Those are all wonderful things. She sounds super thoughtful. I doubt she’d be the type to attend a party with all your friends and give you something that required no thought other than embarrassing you in public.

And as for you. Would you promise an exciting surprise to this girl you claim to love so much, only to present her with an $8 urinary device in front of her friends? Is that how you’d repay all the sweet, thoughtful things she does for you?

It’s not just about the money. It’s not just about being greedy for gifts. It’s about being thought of and valued. She gave an example of how she thought of and valued him, and we see how he thought of and valued her. He literally could have spent the same $8 on flowers or anything she’d actually like, and we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now.

jjp8732 6

This! I felt like I was the only one who read this post and thought, “Gosh. How ungrateful/materialistic/unrealistic/etc. OP is.” If you have to say, “Oh, but what about my amazing gift I got this person? Don’t I deserve more?” I truly feel like the relationship is too disjointed to last long based on fundamental discrepancies on give and take in the relationship. The idea that someone should be indebted to me based on what gift I’d given them first makes me feel gross. Ick.

mykotman12 5

I agree with you. Presents shouldn’t be the priority. The way a person treats another should be the priority

thisbankai 4

A piss funnel? Really? That was his BIG SURPRISE? that's like getting some dick tucker machine to allow him to piss sitting down forever. Kind of bogus, I'm sorry he did that. Maybe his next present from you should be something worth the same value as a "peequality". I think you should wrap up a big box, title it "to my amazing boyfriend" and in the massive box, let it only be a letter. Stating "to my ex boyfriend, goodbye"

But that's just me.

Bad_Wulph 4

I'd talk about it with him rather than post here. People here are saying pee-fetish, asshole boyfriend, break up with him, all that, when really it doesn't have to be a make-or-break moment in the relationship. He thought it was funny, he probably just didn't think it would upset you. He probably doesn't know he did anything wrong, doesn't know you're upset, and can't read your mind. Gently let him know how you feel, and any real relationship problem will be more evident depending on how that conversation goes.

movementlocation 2

This is the right answer.

RavenRuneborn13 4

Dont take birthdays so seriously youre just another mark closer to death. I prefer to ignore all birthdays completely

EvilAlienXXX 4

So, two part answer from me, and I fully expect downvotes.

You've been together two years and bought a CRUISE EXCURSION for a birthday present. Not a movie or video game, not an outfit or night out at a restaurant. A CRUISE. And you admit freely that Birthdays are really important to you, which leads me to believe that you are extremely material, and that in itself is a problem that will KILL a relationship.

If he KNEW all this about you, and went to the effort to HYPE his shitty gag gift, he's either clueless or an asshole. You need to communicate that to him, as well as what YOUR EXPECTATIONS are. Not everyone wants to give or even receive expensive gifts. Just because you're material doesn't mean he is. If he doesn't understand that, then, for BOTH OF YOUR HAPPINESS' sake, you should probably end it.

MissBekie 6

A cruise excursion isn’t really that material. It is an experience for the both of them.

She just doesn’t feel like he values her, because when she values someone she shows it through gifts.

MasterOfKarats 3

What's so bad about being materialistic? Also a cruise is an experience.

peedidhe 4

He might have something planned for Christmas?

​

If not, now you have a convenient way to pee on him.

BarbraManatee 4

Use it to pee on something of his that you like, thereby claiming it as your own.

HoDerWoahDer 3

Yeah dawg, ima need an update on this one

labluesue 3

It was a stupid gift. I know you love him but there are other guys out there who will buy you flowers and candy and take you on vacations. Don’t settle by giving up so much to this jokester.

I think I’d be an adult and ask my SO why they got me such a strange gift, instead of dumping them based on what they bought me, which would be incredibly shallow.

lissaj_999 3

Yea, my ex got me a bag of tea for Xmas after I spent nearly 200$ on him. And then he threw it at me, didn’t even wrap it .....lol. He Gone!

MarsAttackedUranus 3

I never expect any one to buy me anything for my birthday or holidays. I am not materialistic, I usually tell my SO (now fiancée) and my family not to buy me gifts. I usually buy what I want on my own. If someone gave me something, even if it was joke present, I'd be grateful and/or appreciate the laugh. The person/people who spend time with me on a holiday or a birthday is more important than a material object. I stopped caring about getting gifts at 18 years old. I grew up poor, so maybe that's why I see things differently than you. Why is it that you expect a gift on a holiday or a birthday? Isn't their presence and love enough? The fact that they care about you to spend time with you on special days not enough? I'm genuinely curious as to why you think a material object signifies care/love? I'm not saying getting and giving gifts is bad, not at all, it's a well appreciated gesture and can mean many things. My gripe is your expectation of a good gift (whatever that maybe in terms of monetary value). Embarrassing to get a peequality joke? Yeah no doubt, but it's funny.

AmySantiagoFanatic 3

!remindme 1day

thisbevic 3

Girl.... I would have lost it. That is super uncomfortable and honestly so embarrassing. I’m sorry you had to go through that. How come you haven’t spoken to him about it yet? It’s clearly bothering you, as it absolutely should. You need to talk to him about it. I’d be so uncomfortable in that situation.

Wanderer0503 3

Uhhhh. Yeah. Gag gift? Cool. No problem. But you have to have a real one for the actual present. So rude and kind of tacky. I would be pissed. I mean I don’t expect super expensive gifts but that would be piss me off. (No pun intended).

CJ74U2NV 3

Use it to pee in his drink

Tutthole 3

Yes. Yes you do

Mandaks 3

If it makes you feel any better my ex of 3 years did the same shit. Hyped up a gift and I thought he was gonna propose and then he gave me a men’s Shark Week t shirt....I don’t even give a fuck about shark week or sharks.

It was just stupid as fuck.

therespectablejc 3

Totally unacceptable with everything you've said. There is either more to it or he's a loser. Ask him about it!

​

Also, I need an update!

txsunflowermom 3

I wonder if maybe he’s saving a bigger surprise for Christmas? If that was really the surprise you might have to throw the whole man away 🙄😂

text_memer

Yeah, date someone that buys you expensive stuff, if they don’t buy you expensive stuff they’re not even a real man am I right??

txsunflowermom

Yes that’s exactly what I said 😂 she said she was disappointed, I was jokingly trying to make her feel better. Don’t be ridiculous 🙄

kayla_hades 3

I would be upset cuz that's just bogus. It could have at least been something of your interests or favorite things.. that makes me feel like my S.O. actually pays attention to what I like.

His "surprise" was a cop out.. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Bleezy79 3

You absolutely have a right to be upset. That's some bs and he owes you an explanation. Is he naive or just a jerk?

Televators1 3

Honestly he should always be trying to impress you. My wife and I, even though we have like no money for each other right now, always try to make birthdays special. A gag gift is fine but it can't be the only gift. It seems pretty immature.

AngryApparition029 3

My ex got my a swiffer wet jet for my birthday... some people just suck at gifts

Troll_Inc 3

Someone's getting a golden shower for Christmas...

saraaaabeeee 3

Give him another week and if nothing. Just casually bring it up like " So where is this big gift you were talking about? I'm dying for a new vibrator, that's what you got me right?"

ThomasTheIdiot 3

This product looks stupid. I'm a guy and I sit when I pee every chance I get.

roqueofspades 3

If my bf got me that, I would be mad even if he hadn't been hyping something up for me. I don't think you're wrong to be upset at all.

AlrightDoc 3

If this was him trying, and you don’t appreciate this effort, you’re gonna have a lot more problems in this relationship.

PrincessofRed 3

i would scream

heliogold 3

I'd be upset too. Talk to him.

MezzaCorux 3

Maybe he’s hinting that he’s into watersports.

holmyliquor 3

He wanted to let you off lightly after finding out you wanted to get married after 2 years

MARCVS-PORCIVS-CATO 3

My guess is either:

a.) He was going to get you something amazing, but for whatever reason, it fell through and he just had to get you SOMETHING.

Or

b.) You haven’t gotten the real gift yet.

LauraEvangeline 3

I would be pissed. I once dadtes a guy who would do this crap and when I told him it upset me, he would try to argue why my feelings were wrong. If this guy tries to dismiss your feelings tell him goodbye. That's emotional abuse

gouhp 3

It's just a birthday. Get over it. Still though- dipshit relationship move.

PessamisticOptimist 3

Say something (as respectfully and unspoiled-like as possible) now or you could be setting yourself up for these type of gifts in the future.

I know from experience. I’ve been in my relationship 10years and the first 5 were full of gifts such as that for any holiday or birthday....what I’d call practical or gag gifts, to which we now have a rule against.

An actual GIFT is preferred from your significant other, not something like draft guards, pillows, reusable bags or cleaning tools...all of which have been actual ‘gifts’ to me from mine. (Unless you seem to be partial to something like that and he thinks he’s getting you things you like-that is not the case for me, he was just going out on a minimal effort whim with it all instead of actually trying...)

Ever since I expressed my side of how I felt about it and how it made me feel to get those Type of gifts from my partner of multiple YEARS, for EVERY occasion, he now gets it and does MUCH better.

(Edit for spacing)

CletusVanDamnit 3

Did he at least pay for the TGIF?

Denise666 3

YES you have every right to be upset , it was totally selfish of him, he just did it so people would think he's funny he didn't think about you at all.

ThePearlyOne23 3

Stop comparing your life to what you see on social media. The real world is full of disappointment.

mariecrystie 3

My fiancé bought me a corny looking ceramic squirrel. We were still kinda new so I thanked him but was confused. He said it was from when I told him I thought the squirrels near my house literally threw acorns at me. It was his attempt at an inside joke.. :/

As holidays and birthdays are important to you, he probably feel pressured going forward. Every year going to be competition for him to top the previous year. He probably setting the standard low to begin with.

The “quality” moments and time together is more important than any gifts he can get you. Also, most people overspent on gift due to guilt or insecurities.

lolagoldfish 3

Can you just open it and tell us if there’s a surprise in the box?

Edited to add. I’d be angry af if my husband did this let alone BF.

krebs_cycle 2

That is a super weird gift.

coxia_2013 2

I would hype up your Xmas gift to him, then regift him the used Peequality....but I am a petty b*tch.

It would be interesting to see how he would react if the tables were turned. My husband is a notoriously bad gift giver, but he admits to it. I now tell him a few things I would like and he chooses from those options. This isn’t a case of your BF being a bad gifter, so don’t let him use that excuse. His gift was embarrassing and painful.

Now that I’m thinking of it, I wouldn’t give him anymore gifts, ever. If he says anything, just say you are returning the gifting act ‘in kind.’

Pigs4Prez 2

Maybe wait a bit more then talk to him trying as hard as possible to not start an argument.

RomanticNyctophilia 2

He is an asshole. You get him a cruise and he gets you something you van ealk into any store and buy real quick. Bet he forgot your birthday.

TaintGargler 2

He wants you to treat him to the Trump in Moscow experience.

martinburneo 2

I mean, yeah. You paid a cruise and the guy got you a funnel for piss.

blue_screen_error 2

A boss move would have been to put your coat on and walk out.

This was a neg test... you failed.

dreamingdarling 2

Seems like either he was hyping you up to tease you and be an asshole about it, or he actually has something planned. Maybe wait till the weekend and give an update then?

SubstantialTension3 2

hahha. He gave you a piss funnel. ahhhhh. My ribs!.:D

no_regards 2

Yes, it's been a week since!

sharberries 2

y’all goin camping. 🙄

kitty_767 2

Did you open it? If so, was something inside? Besides the Peequality, obviously.

piHall314 2

Personally if he hadn’t hinted at a bigger gift I’d be thinking you’re over reacting. But apparently he thought it was a great joke and I’m not sure that’s very nice lol.

I don’t buy my fiancé stuff for holidays and birthdays but I also make sure to ask her to not buy me stuff either. Birthdays are not my thing, as I was raised a JW till I was ten. I’ve never celebrated them, and don’t care about hers either. Maybe he just doesn’t realize it’s important to you, or how important. It can be hard to get something like that through to a person who just doesn’t relate.

delicat18 2

I need an update please

rgjsdksnkyg 2

Well, unpopular opinion here, but you could always be alone and get nothing. I'm not saying you sound ungrateful or entitled, at all. It's just a general relationship opinion that one should not compare one's own works to that of one's significant other's, lest one truly wants to know how much better off one might be alone (for better or worse). You may very well be better off alone, though never be under the impression that there is someone better out there, or even waiting for you, in any tangible circumstance. You are here, and this is now. You may be pissed, but what will being mad accomplish? You're going to fear and pain him into changing? What if you actually give this guy the moon? Will you be expecting a moon in return? There's only one. Plus, you may be the only person capable of getting the moon and giving it to him; wouldn't you want to give someone else the best you could give?

I guess I say this all to say that you shouldn't give unless you are truly, selflessly giving, with no expectation of return on investment. If you're all about those returns, then a relationship is probably the worst investment decision you could make.

Moxxie5 2

Follow up?

BananaButton5 2

We need an update.

Andrews5555 2

Well, at least now you already have his Xmas gift. Start hyping!

Andrews5555 2

The pic has her using the item wearing pants. Is that even possible?

old_gold_mountain 2

What did he say when you confronted him about this?

tuck265 2

Anyone else think this might be a marketing stunt for Peequality?

somuchbitch 2

Did you open it?

smoozagoozle 2

Saying holidays and birthdays are big deal as if it’s not a big deal a massive amount of people is silly. They’re more than likely a big deal to you because they are for most people. It’s not a reason to be extra mad.

Him building it up is though

quirkyturkey96 2

I had a similar situation with my boyfriend of 4 years. He has always hyped up my birthday and done amazing things for me. This past year, my friends and family were all out of state and our celebration was only going to be the two of us.

I knew money was tight so I said we could go to the lake or camp or hike , and you could get me a card or some flowers, nothing terrible. The week before I even offered to pay for an Airbnb getaway.

Here comes the day of my birthday and he’s got nothing. No plan, no dinner reservation, no card no flowers, no cupcake with a candle, nothing.

And trying not to sound like an entitled brat, but that really fucking hurt. It cut me deep, because he did that, a guy I trusted and loved and felt so secure with made me feel like a POS on my birthday.

After so much talking and apologizing and explaining and him crying and me crying, I eventually just let it go and we pushed past it. But it still hurts to think about.

Anyway, sorry for ranting about myself but I wanted to show you that I relate to what happened and I understand how shitty it is.

In my opinion, yes go talk to him and figure out his story. If you get a real answer, that makes sense and sits right with you, then that’s amazing. If you can both communicate your expectations so you can be on the same page for the next event, I think you’re both pretty solid!

Good luck and stay strong, know what you’re worth.

iamabugger 2

I need answers here.. did you open it? I could imagine myself gifting that with festival tickets inside the box or something along those lines.

AdCu123 2

I say you determine that on your instead of letting other people guide you trough life. Just my input.

BangalterManuel1999 2

He’s taking the piss don’t worry about it

jsm_ 2

You definitely do! If he knows how important it is to you then he should know that a Peequality should be more of a gag gift not a birthday gift. You should talk to him and let him know how you feel

DaHunter101 2

its possible, obviously i dont know, that he was planning something else that fell through, or at least hasnt gone through yet, and got you that for the quick laugh, or something like that

KevWill 2

How can you afford to pay for a cruise for the both of you? That's insane.

patheticuselesstrash 2

Did you open it and see if there was anything else inside of the packaging?

jdow6 2

Have you opened up the box? I feel like there has to be something else inside given his insistence on watching you open it up and use it.

PurpleUnicornCupcake 2

You need to talk to him about it... I am hoping he has a big surprise planned but it's not looking like it, sadly. Especially if he hyped up the gift so much and then just got you a pee funnel/gag gift... I would personally break up with someone other this. You got him a cruise and he got you that... shows selfishness, immaturity and lack of consideration for you and your feelings.

NemoTheEnforcer 2

You have to tell him how you feel. How he reacts and if he improves decides if you stay in the relationship although between the lines it seems you have told him how you feel previously and he hasn't changed his patterns of behavior. It might be time to gently let him go.

Suckkkittt 2

You DEFINITELY have the right to be upset... who wouldn’t be?

DryBodybuilder 2

I learned on reddit yesterday that a menstrual cup is called
the devil's shot glass. And today I learned what a peequality is.

Direktorius 2

I feel like a part of the story is left out here. The thing is oddly specific joke

danimals3 2

You’re on the internet instead of communicating about this.

There are problems deeper than the She-wee here...

SleepyStormLo 2

RemindME! 3 Days

Dankpablo 2

Did you look in the box?

cynthiapickels 2

Maybe he didn’t want to propose at T.G.I. Friday’s?? My only guess.

yummie4mytummie 2

It's not about the price, it's about the thought of a gift!
What an ASS

DevilGuy 2

That's bizzare, how long ago was this? Is it possible that something else is still coming? Is this out of character or does he give lackluster gifts normally? Have you asked him what's going on?

supermicromainboard 2

I hope he proposes when she confronts him.

OmegaOkra 2

Birthday? You sure you aren't 6?

oxSiaxo 2

Maybe he's taking you camping?

EternalPieMaker 2

Well yes you do have a right to be upset. Joke gifts are exclusive to friends and a precurser/fake out to a real gift. This is just straight up him being disrepsectful as ehll.

:Summer cruise excursion for his birthday", I assume you paid for the whole thing, given your mentioning of it?

Then that's a very one sided relationship.

Inspector_Akio 2

Imo you have no right to be upset about him giving you a gag present, but you have a right to be upset about him getting your hopes up for a big surprise, that stuff is just depressing. Just because you think that birthdays are important doesn't mean that he has to think so too. What if he would think that celebrating birthdays is annoying and boring? Would you have to think that too? No. Nothing, not even you buying him an expensive gift, can or should force on him the burden to give you an equally big gift. I'd talk with him about the fact that he got your hope up so much, maybe he even has a good reason for that. Maybe he planned something big or amazing but couldn't finish it in time. Or maybe he wanted to propose to you but chickened out last minute because he was afraid or because something happened or something was said that made him afraid to do so. Him insisting that you use the gift in front of him sounds more like he got himself a present tho, which is actually a reason to be upset. No present is alright but getting himself something is just mean.

Edit: maybe wait till Christmas too if he hadn't enough time or he got a big as present for birthday and Christmas together

anumati 2

Have you considered using it to pee on his leg?

Alt, use it to write "your gift was a disappointment" in the snow.

calibared 2

Yep. You do. My girl takes the holidays seriously. I don’t have much money so I at least write a well thought out letter. If all he can muster up is a friggin peequality, to me that sounds like he hasn’t been putting much thought into you.

2ndZac 2

You’re avoiding the main question OP. What’s in the box? Sounds like you’re intentionally building this up.

You’ve made it clear multiple times that he’s insistent that you open it and try it out. Either he’s into piss, or you know exactly what’s in the box and it’s not a pee funnel.

tessicular 2

This. It sounds like a set up for an update post where you open the box to find an engagement ring and you two live virally ever after.

patient4302 2

UPDATE: My piss-funnel was actually an Icelandic cruise but we missed the boat because I sulked instead of opening the box.

WaterySphere 2

Okay I'm dying did you check the box help me lord jesus

guymcguy2323 2

I’d be mad not at the fact he didn’t shower you with bling but the fact he said it himself “I’m planning something big”

You have to be honest with him for the relationship to work. In person face to face

DeusExMachinaes 2

Are we sure this wasn't a jokey gift before he gave you the real gift? I feel like there's a part missing to make full comments yet, as a guy myself. He might have mad a big effort but tried to cause problems/laughter before surprising you with the real thing. I am one of these people, but before I say I would prefer more information than picking a side straight out.

oceanlablover 2

Start pissing with the door open, standing up. Get a dribble on the seat too.

Sobeman 2

He gets you a piss funnel and is upset you won't use it while he watches. Something is fucked up somewhere.

Nathangamesps 2

Did you open the box? Could be something else inside

NafBirks 2

When was your birthday? Maybe he has something coming and wants to throw you off the trail. If it's been more than a couple of weeks than he's not getting yiu anything.

But honestly, you may be different, but Id be more happy the share the moment with friends and family rather than it being about gifts. On his next birthday you should get him tampons.

seriouslywiththis 2

Of course you have a right to be upset. That's not a proper birthday present. You're supposed to try to get someone something you think they'll appreciate. I doubt he got this for you because he thought YOU'D appreciate it.

aceshighsays 2

Maybe he wanted to ask you to marry him but for whatever reason changed his mind and got something last minute. He got something that's completely opposite of getting serious with someone.

thegoldensalvi 2

I really wanna hear the update from this lol

rja_89 2

If you’re upset, you have the right to be upset. You always have the right to communicate your disappointment to your partner and why you feel that way.

setsunakutemo 2

I do get the gag-gift thing, but i always make sure there is an amazing gift following the gag. I like to joke around but i would never just get a gag gift for someone i love...
Please talk to him about it. Communication is key and he'll never know it upset you if you don't say anything.

z4x_ 2

epic troll

honeyysuckle 2

Maybe he's taking you camping!

maraadlee 2

I feel like you just buy people extravagant gifts because you expect something better in return.
You’re definitely not a ‘thought that counts’ kind of person.
You’re more a ‘I got you cruise. Now I want a lifetime commitment ’ kind of person.
Birthdays and holidays shouldn’t be that important.
There’s more important things in life like spending time with people you love, who could die tomorrow.
Or kill themselves
Or, you know, leave you for being a greedy person who only wants the best things because ‘birthdays and holidays are very important’ to you.
🙄

catdash20 2

My bf did this too. Bragging he got me three gifts hidden for me somewhere in the house. That was June (2018) and still haven’t received it nor even found it to this day.

micmeup 2

He choked. He built up the gift hype and couldn’t think of anything that could live up to it and tried to play it off as a joke when the moment came.

SuperCoolHoolaPool 2

Have you opened up the gift yet? If not do it there is probably an actual gift inside.

Silver__Stone 2

You have every right to be upset, maybe you should talk to him about it

lovelovelovelove13 2

Time to break up

theunstoppablenipple 2

In all seriousness i would maybe give it some more time. Its entirely possible that he had a great gift planned and something fell through and now hes working on something else

Jacaranda18 2

I'd be very offended. It isn't about entitlement. It's about basic respect.

Educational_Tale 2

I spent years hearing my ex wife and her friends holler about messy portajohns, and not being able to pee easily outside, like we would be in a cornfield in the middle of Iowa at midnight and my wife wouldn't pee...they would come of of urinals crying....I gave them both this thing that I thought would help them solve problems ....they both thought I was a huge asshole, I was trying to come from somewhere that they both would know I understood their struggles, the laughed at me and never used the product. I was just trying to be nice to them. I really thought they both would be empowered and excited. I was wrong.

storm_in_a_tea_cup 2

My hubby (and friends since we were 12!) is shocking at gift giving! Just really thoughtless. Not mean or callous, there just doesn't seem to be any thought or care put into it. It got to the point I would freak out leading up to special gift giving celebrations (bdays, mother's Day, Valentine's, Christmas) and be hoping to get nothing, rather than be so hurt or disappointed. I think what made it worse was that, like you, I would put a LOT of thought and planning into his gifts and they'd always be something he absolutely is blown away by and talks about for ages after. But you know what? I read a book called "The 5 love languages" and it was really great at explaining how we show love in a "language" that we're familiar with, (gift giving, acts of service, quality time, physical touch, words of encouragement) and that's how we would express that to our loved ones. And that's how we would also like to be shown love, by OUR own language. I realised gift giving isn't one of his higher "scored" languages, but he shows me how much he loves me by his "languages" (quality time and acts of service). So now, even though the book doesn't mention it, what works for me around gift giving times, I buy MY OWN present "from him" and tell him how awesome it is because it's EXACTLY what I want. I'm content and don't get disappointed and he gets all the benefits on how happy I am! Lol!

SnyperCR 2

Personally, I don't believe in fake gratitude. I'm not saying that's what occurred here, hang in there

I've been the recipient of gifts that I didn't like before and I tell people straight up what I'm thinking. It's not usually the most popular option but people close enough to buy me a present already know what an asshole I am.

Just tell him it's not what you thought and see what he does. Worst case scenario he learns something new about you, though this particular thing should have been pretty obvious a piss funnel isn't really a birthday present.

My guess is he has something bigger and he's pulling your ponytail for now until he gets it all sorted so he can surprise you

courtcraw 2

Hi idk if you’re still actually checking this post but personally this is giving me very “he’s fucking with you” vibes. Like I’m willing to bet he’s just trying to rile you up before he proposes in like a week after you’re “done” being upset with him.

Then again, maybe I’m a hopeless romantic at heart and obviously I know nothing about your boyfriend, but keep in mind that I highly doubt his intentions were actually to upset you. Just talk to him about it.

silly_sarahSG1 2

Do you guys do a lot of camping/backpacking? As far sad I know these kind of products aren’t really meant to be carried in your purse for home or office use. They are made to be used while hiking so you don’t have to drop your pants and squat in the woods when there might be someone else on the trail/the weather is cold/lots of mosquitoes, etc. So maybe he has a surprise backpacking trip planned for you?

anti-pSTAT3 2

Update us when you either get the real gift, the engagement ring, or dump him.

UnknownOverdose 2

That's hilarious but at the same time he shouldn't have been hyping yo ass up like that. Maybe if it was a gag gift and he had a backup it would be okay but it seems like he hasnt had a backup.

CBH3403 1

Probably getting u a ring calm down. If he’s taking u on a Cruise then hinting at something it’s a ring. Also, stop getting all hyped about the holidays and birthdays, expectations ruin everything

Dump his ass. Humiliating you is a dump-worthy offense on its own. Doing so on your birthday, AND in front of your family? Shit, he better be your ex as I type this. DTMFA.

idontliketako 1

Maybe he wants you to pee on him?

_Bruin_ 1

He might have just been messing with you. Not a good prank but I don't think he meant to hurt your feelings.

xlillinxysx 1

Maybe he's testing how grateful you are to receive a small gift like that, and then he's gonna propose? Idk ive heard of guys testing their gf's like this before proposing. I don't agree with it personally.

Hopefully it was just a joke and he has something else in mind for you.

weebcakes 1

Yep. My boyfriend got me notging this year, it was shitty as fuck.

ihaveredditacnt 1

Update us when he proposes

novafern 1

Um, can you please confront him and then update us? I feel like we're all missing something here, including you. If he was hyping something up as much as you make it sound like he was, was he passive aggressively mocking your reaction to gifts and gift giving aka his gift and your excitement about that? What is going on here?

LowLife- 1

I got my wife one for Valentine's Day and she uses it all the time on roadtrips ad camping.

anxiouscamper 1

You absolutely have a right to be upset. I would be heart broken if he didn't put any thought into something that was really important to me.

dreamscout 1

First, I am wondering - do you make a lot more money than him? Is it easy for you to afford a cruise and he struggles to get by? I have been in this situation, where I've made substantially more. I let them know its the thought that counts and don't expect much. Although a pee thing doesn't show much thought.

You do need to talk to him. Remind him of the times he mentioned he was getting you something amazing and ask him what he meant by it. Unless by amazing he meant - amazing for him to watch you pee. Bleh!

PineappleDoesGoOnZa 1

!RemindMe 1 day

Kbjbgb 1

Can confirm here, I’m a great husband but when it comes to gifts I am horrible. Finally my wife bought the gifts she wanted and put my name on them, she’s pretty great.

tree103 1

Are you interested in music?

Pee funnels are a pretty common thing to see at music festivals so it might be that his real gift could be something along those lines.

buttersquash23 1

OMG. My ex did this to me on christmas one year. He thought it was hilarious, I thought it was incredibly embarrassing. It was in front of my parents too.

Some guys are twelve and intend to stay that way.

KoreanOctober 1

Fuck birthday and all that stuff, its bullshit. Tho hes kinda stupid for not really getting you anything knowing that its important for you. (I still think if you need planned days in the year to gift people shit somethings wrong.)

Kim_Jung_Friend 1

remindme! 24 hours

formerlyadjacent 1

You should use it to pee standing over him while he sleeps

Jenn1008 1

Men tend to give you what you need, not what you want. Men are also terrible at picking up on hints. If he asks you what you want... tell him. Don’t hint. If you don’t tell him exactly what you want for a gift you will get stuff like that pee-funnel thing. The men in your life want to make you happy, so they will always opt for something you need. My guess is you probably camp or go to a lot of festivals or something where sitting to pee is gross or inconvenient or you saw that thing and said it was such a great idea. So he bought it for you. It sounds like he was super pleased about it too. If he’s a great guy, just let it go. It’s not worth throwing away a great man because he’s not a great gift giver.

cleetusneck 1

It’s funny, and he probably has something else planned and is torturing you...

Or he thinks you’re a crazy gift person and he is saying a big fuck you to that..

Claque-2 1

So if boyfriend doesn't cough up a better gift through the holidays, get him a very nice - but cheap - gift and use the leftover money you would have spent on a gift for you. But are you sure you are not getting an engagement ring during the holidays?

op2mus_2357 1

Depends on if you're using it or not. If not, use it to pre on him in his sleep.

jlbfromdagulf 1

Have you complained about peeing in the port-a potties at a festival in the past? Do you hike? Do you vaca/road trip? Is he currently working?

I mean I guess the Holidays (Christmas/New Years) are coming, maybe be patient? It could be a teaser to something bigger that he may intend to save for the Holidays since your bday is so close. If nothing pans out after the Holidays maybe evaluate what you are and aren’t ok with.

Idk though, i don’t have all the info on the type of relationship y’all have but im not gunna lie, if my boyfriend got that for me for my ONLY bday gift... girl I’d be hot!

Have you complained about peeing in the port-a potties at a festival in the past? Do you hike? Do you vaca/road trip? Is he currently working? I mean the Holidays (Christmas/New Years) are coming be patient. It could be a teaser/test to something bigger that he may intend to save for the Holidays since your bday is so close.

If nothing happens after the Holidays evaluate what you are and aren’t ok with.

hunnidbandanxiety 1

!remindme 1 day

johnny-hopscotch 1

I just don’t believe that stupidity of this magnitude exists.

casualhistrionics 1

My now husband did something similar one year. It turns out my custom engagement ring wasn’t ready yet.

jai-phi 1

These are used for festivals . Maybe it's some sort of gift that's going to mess with you . Maybe when you confront him he will laugh and show you tickets to a music festival . One time my friends boyfriend gave her a robosapien for he birthday . She was so annoyed that she was having sex with her ex within days .

Cilantroduction 1

Yes, you have every right. This will not stop. This was a shitty, thoughtless, mean spirited, crude gift to you. It was vulgar, oooh, and just a sprinkling of gaslighting, too. A big surprise. Wow. Surprise him with fucking leaving his ass at the curb. That gift and gaslighting and bs at a freaking TGI Fridays? Honey, youre 24. You deserve better. Be angry, let him have it, but, it's never going to get better. You literally described every shitty, hurtful, passive aggressive non celebration of my birthdays the entire 20 years I wasted with my ex. DTMFA. You can do better, he won't.

cynthiapickels 3

A shitty gift is not gaslighting please stop. How can something be thoughtless but also mean spirited?? Please stop spewing awful advice

Cilantroduction

He gaslighter her for 2 weeks leading up to this, telling her he had a special "surprise'"..only to give her a peeing thing, in front of his family? Building her up like that? That's gaslighting..

Can't get upset when a loser acts like a loser, you either accept it or not.

Luciferbelle 1

Yes lol.

HotMommaROCKS 1

What an ass! The big surprise should be you leaving.

twpr2002 1

I feel like maybe he's playing games with you. I'd wait, see if the real surprise is still up his sleeve.

Drakoniuch 1

I think his love language is not around gifts. So perhaps why the awful gift.

mynameajeff69 1

WOW. that’s really really bad. If that’s literally all he got that’s upsetting to me as well. You got him a cruise?? I mean even if he doesn’t have the money he could’ve made something. He could’ve done just about ANYTHING else. Holy cow. I’m mad. Lol

ThatHornyPone 1

YOU JUST GOT PRANKED! 😎

But seriously, if I was a girl I'd be pissed

Whalers7997 1

Well...Christmas is coming. Rings are bought at Christmas. I'm just saying.

gigi2010 1

Wait and see what he gives you for Xmas because it is only 3 weeks away. If he gives you junk, give him box #1, a box of Depend. He will rage. Break up with him. He is a narcissist. They enjoy ruining birthdays, building you up so that you will fall harder.

PurplePickel 1

Save it and give it to him for Christmas.

GlueGuns--Cool 1

No.

His-Dirty-Girl 1

This sounds like my boyfriend.

scoopadooplettuce 1

Also could be that the peequality is a hint and he got you a trip too, like camping or something where you might need it?

DoubleJointer 1

Yaaaa. I don't even get my wife gifts. We're adults and in our day and age, do we really need more random things we don't actually need with money that could be better spent?

But considering that some how you 2 have some sort of "gift" agreement, I suppose you do have some right to be upset.

schmohawk01 1

Well, I'm staying tuned for an update because this surely can't be his only gift?! Maybe he's waiting for you to ask?

Redcoverutah 1

This guy is a legend!!!!

pinkypink81 1

Maybe he’s surprising you with a camping trip!

WearyBug 1

Is it possible it was something that he ordered online and just wrapped the shipping box without opening it? If so, then maybe they sent him the wrong item. If that can’t be the case then I think I would be a tad bit upset, too.

hanxperc 1

i really hope he hurries up with the surprise so we can get a good ass update post.

i believe that there’s more too it. maybe the surprise is running late. this seems EXACTLY what my boyfriend would do and act the same exact way too.

baddobee 1

Wowza

WilsonRachel 1

I’ve been wanting one of those actually.

CapK473 1

It seems like the gift is for him bc he has a pee fetish. You absolutely need to talk to him about your confusion over the gift and how you were embarassedthat he would give you that type of gift in front of your family. Relationships are only as good as the couples ability to communicate over difficult issues.

JannaDD126 1

Wow I would be really upset. Was the pee quality a joke or did you actually want one ? He got you're Hope's up just to have a laugh on your bday

tropicsGold 1

I have to admit I have a really hard time giving presents. I try to work on it but let my wife down every year. I don’t know why.

HitBeeSeeking 1

Maybe you ho pee standing up and see a ringbox on top of the toilet. I mean its possible. Empower to capture.

BigTinBaltimore 1

What an ass, you’re you are Allowed to be mad

AudaciousSam 1

Maybe poor?

Icchy24 1

Hell yeah you have the right to be upset. Wtf r u gonna do with that shit

Xenozin 1

You like bad boys right?

erincatsj 1

This sounds exactly like something my boyfriend would do. I would 100% be upset but sometimes you just can't fix stupid

qarrmeh 1

You may overlook this once.

MarshieMon 1

It is a terrible gift and let alone he hyper you up for weeks... It's just.. horrible and I would be upset too if I receive something that stupid, gift or not... I would be happier if someone gave me half a pack of expired bubble gum than a useless Peequality...

4atm 1

I think I agree with the comment going around that OP should be grateful to receive anything at all. But I mean... After two years of dating, getting intimate with the other person's interests, likes/dislikes and they hype up a present like that? There is either some serious non/miscommunication happening or else the boyfriend just hasn't been paying attention. Could find a nice way of sitting him down and politely clue him in on why it embarrassed you. If nothing else than for future reference to let him know that he was kind for considering but didn't go about it the best way. A gift is supposed to be a thing given in earnest that celebrates the person receiving it in some personal way. This was impersonal and embarrassing.

Peapoddy 1

Called a shewee in Britain

tjenks28 1

Maybe he chicken out in whatever the surprise was

Searching4humanity 1

Why would he get you that? As a woman, I enjoy peeing sitting down. I think it was a err...thoughtful gift. He wants you to be able to pee anywhere, but then you have to take that every where with you. I think that I would ask him nicely, "I appreciate the gift, but I was a bit confused about it and I was a little embarrassed by it because it seems more like I gift you would give me in private." It seems like a white elephant gift. I hope he is planning something else.

Badjaccs 1

No offense but we men are terrible about what women want. Sorry but it is a fact. We are wired differently

myalternatlife90 1

He's a jackass. Clearly. You don't need to be on the internet for validation of how he makes you feel. I think the action speaks volumes.

Ghnarlok 1

Yes you should be upset, but only because he hyped it up so much and you previously told him that birthdays are important

I_Am_At_Work-_ 1

I would approach it as a "I don't need a expensive fancy gift to be happy with you but I would am NOT happy about one that lacks any type of sincerity." Especially as he wound you up with hints. Explain that gift giving is one of your core love languages

(if you're unfamiliar with the concept of love languages I find them to be extremely helpful describing your emotional needs).

Then explain how a gag gift is not something that satisfies that need. I would try to make it not about a price tag but the thoughtfulness of the gift that's important. Point that out.

WikiTextBot 1

The Five Love Languages

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate is a 1995 book by Gary Chapman. It outlines five ways to express and experience love that Chapman calls "love languages": receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service (devotion), and physical touch. Examples are given from his counseling practice, as well as questions to help determine one's own love languages.

Chapman's book claims that the list of five love languages is exhaustive.

To be honest, I think I'd love that gift. As a trans man, it might help with my self validity saying I stand up to pee like a cis guy.

But to another person not in my situation, that's kinda a shitty gift haha

Vankfield 1

It's been a while since I laughed that that ... this post cannot be serious and if it is, dump that garbage right away.

GivingMyTwoCents 1

Wait ! Just wait it out. The surprise might still be coming ... and if nothing happens in a two weeks to a month bring it up you have every right to be upset. That’s funny of course but if he doesn’t want to make you happy by even giving you thoughtful gift he’s not worth your time.

WhiteWhiteBlackOne 1

It’s a joke I bet. His real gift is likely yet to be revealed.

zanzipperalmondtoast 1

please post an update OMG LOL

wilsoncoyote 1

Yes you do

Grumpiest_Panda 1

Use it to pee all over hit stuff.

markharden300 1

Please update us if he surprises you with a ten carat diamond ring... which is what my lady friend just told me is the only thing acceptable after this pee “gift”.

eganist

Sorry for the birthday experience.

Unfortunately, this post meets heuristics as an unsolicited advertisement, so I'll have to take it down. Kindly message the subreddit directly before posting any updates.

I hope you've gotten the advice you were looking for.

katkiddo 0

I offered him this, he offered me that.. are you scaling who gave more or what?

deltron80 0

Lol

pinguscout 0

Lol

coppersmom777 -1

My SO did something similar. He hyped up my gift, but when the time came he legitimately got me nothing. When I confronted him about it he said that he had something planned but as it got closer to the holiday he got more and more anxiety to the point where he couldn’t do anything at all. Maybe your bf just cared too much, freaked out, and flopped on the gift. You have the right to be upset bc he misled you, but maybe there’s a reason. You should talk to him about it and clear the air!

Alaska206 -1

Maybe he's saving up for a sex reassignment surgery for you

/s

cats3503 -1

Unless there is some big surprise waiting, I would dump him. So basically, ask about it casually and see what he says and if you figure out that’s literally all he got you then he’s not worth your time. It’s not about him needing to spend extreme amounts of money on you, but he definitely should be giving you thoughtful gifts rather than joke, fetish gifts.

KingsKnight24 -6

Or people could have a good laugh and not expect gifts. Regardless of value. I would love to see how your relationships go. “You didn’t get me anything?” “Alright, bye”

cats3503 6

Going pretty great so far lol not that it’s any of your business. If he was going to hype it up then he needed to get her something good. If his budget is low and he couldn’t afford something big, he at least could’ve been a lot more thoughtful and romantic than giving her a device revolving around pee. OP deserves better than that.

KingsKnight24 -1

So out of two years. Two years! One bad gift and that warrants a breakup?

cats3503 3

I suppose it depends on the whole situation. The fact that the OP is not comfortable enough to discuss this with her boyfriend is concerning, too. Maybe I’m just not into immaturity like that and she doesn’t seem to be either which is why I suggested that. Also, she went all out on his birthday which tbh may have been more than she needed to do but it makes his gift seem even worse.

I’m really hoping that he has something else planned so this can be a happy ending. Or, if not that, then they at least talk it out and he gets a makeup gift.

DisguisedAsMe 3

Yeah to hype up a gift for months that's obviously awkward and potentially fetishizing is pretty fucked up. Especially since she got him something VERY expensive for his birthday and he knows she takes birthdays seriously..

Serenade_marinate -1

Normally, I'd say getting upset at getting a present you didn't really want is ridiculous, but given that he hyped it up and gave it to you in a grand presentation in front of friends and family, I'd say, yeah, being upset is reasonable.

its2017youguys -3

Idk what you're on about, seems like a great gift to me

Buroxn -3

No, you don’t have the right to be upset! Frankly no one has the right to be upset for not receiving the gift that they’d hope for!

It’s a gift, which means it’s free so just say thank you and then shut up! If you’d want the things you want, go bloody work for it and earn it!

Gifts should only be given out of kindness and love, if you’re giving someone something nice and expecting the same level of reciprocation, you’re not a nice & kind person!

jjp8732

🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

Thatoneguy567576 -5

Either the real gift is late or he's fucking with you. You don't really have a right to be upset since he could've just gotten you nothing at all. I wasn't able to get my fiancee a birthday present this year, she was just happy I spent time with her.

DisguisedAsMe 5

She has a right to have feelings. How awkward must that have been to open in front of everyone in a public place?

Thatoneguy567576 -4

She has a right to have feelings but it's a joke gift. People do it all the time, and the question was whether or not she was right to be upset, to which I say no, she's not in the right and it's an immature reaction to the situation.

DisguisedAsMe 4

I mean, if someone makes a joke that's uncomfortable or offensive they have a right to be upset. He got her hopes up and literally humiliated her in front of her friends and family. He then continues to make her the laughing stock of HIS friends on her birthday after hyping it up to be special for months. That's more disappointing than funny. Especially since he knew she took birthdays seriously. And honestly, I actually think it's more immature to get someone a pee funnel than to be upset about an uncomfortable and intentional situation

Thatoneguy567576 -5

You sound like a bore then in all honesty, and so does OP.

DisguisedAsMe 3

Ohhh personal insults now? Nice touch lol.

katekowalski2014 2

You sound single, in all honesty.

Thatoneguy567576 -1

Ok.

TheLoveliestKaren 5

I am perfectly happy with no gift. I would not be happy with a pee funnel as a gift that I had to open in front of my family and friends.

98Uhu -6

Maybe he has money issues?

CastielGalafran 11

You can still get someone a thoughtful gift even with money issues. For the price of that shitty gift he could have gotten her any manner of sweet things, even if it was just flowers and a cute hand drawn picture.

98Uhu -10

Something tells me a woman who gifts her man a cruise won't be happy with flowers and a cute hand drawn picture

CastielGalafran 10

You don't know that.

TheLoveliestKaren 3

Then the correct gift is something small but still thoughtful. This was not that.

YoungDumb_Brokebra -7

Chill

MindlessFlatworm -8

Do I have the right to be upset?

No, you have no RIGHT to be upset.

katekowalski2014 1

Yes, everyone has every right to their feelings. All of them.

Not the right to react however they want to those feelings, but to simply have a feeling?

All the rights.

Teradonia -8

I clearly read this subreddit too much since I know this is a repost.

Not sure if a bad reflection of You, or myself.

CarpeCyprinidae -10

Why are you referring to this person as your boyfriend? the correct term is ex-boyfriend in this situation.

multiple4 6

LOL at the overreactions on this subreddit sometimes.

They been dating 2 years and sounds like things are going well, who the hell would break up over this?

What you should do OP is just wait a week or two and be sure he doesn't have anything else coming or hint at anything. If not then you can just mention you were kinda disappointed by the way he hyped you up so much just for that, and that you thought it was funny but were also hoping for a bit of a more serious gift. He will probably understand and most likely he just didn't think it through entirely or realize it would make you upset. It's only 2 years you're still growing and getting to know each other all the time, and from now on he will know.

PeculiarAnxiety4 4

No it's really not. Yeah he got her a shitty gift but he is probably still a nice, genuine dude. One gift doesn't determine your whole relationship, it's the amount of quality time spent and the personality of your SO. Please fix your mentality.

SpookySpices -16

I mean, in some ways you could sound a bit bratty, but it was cruel of him to hype you up like that.

WookieRubbersmith 9

It is so strange to me that you think that being displeased with a pee funnel as the only gift she received from her boyfriend is in any way bratty. Like, that is a DELIBERATELY terrible gift, right? An insultingly terrible gift. An anti-gift. That's a pretty mean thing to do to someone on their birthday. I don't see anything bratty about being upset that you were made the butt of a joke by someone you cared about in a situation where you expected them to be thoughtful and earnest instead.

Imperator_Red -19

This guy is my hero. Can I have his # so we can hang out sometime?

bashar_speaks -19

L O V E

A

N

G

U

A

G

E

S

Arnoldthehawk

The whole gifting thing is bullshit. Do you love each other? Then shut the fuck up, gift for kids.

greihund -48

I'm going to go with: he hasn't done anything wrong, and no, you don't really have a right to be upset. I mean, if you really want to be upset, then go ahead, it's your life. But even the fact that you're asking about this raises a huge red flag for me about the type of person you are.

He's your boyfriend! He's put up with your nonsense and you have put up with his for two years. I really honestly believe that that is enough of a gift, and anything else should just be light-hearted fun.

However, if that isn't enough for you, then you could either start leaning on him heavily to get something kickass for christmas, or you could just stop seeing each other and set that poor man free from your selfish instincts.

jmverlin 25

She got him a summer cruise for his birthday! Clearly they've established that gift-giving is an important part of this relationship. Just because you believe that "putting up with each other's nonsense" is enough, doesn't mean that's how most relationships work. OP, don't listen to this idiot.

greihund -19

I really disagree! It's how all relationships work. A summer cruise - which she also went on - is not a contract, and if she has expectations as a result, that is not his fault.

jmverlin 15

Per OP, he knows holidays and gift-giving occasions are important. So much so that he teased this gift he was getting her for months. He’s in the wrong here. I’m not really sure how you’re not seeing that.

greihund -15

I guess I just don't see a wrong, and I feel pretty certain that there's more to the story than is being presented here.

It's obvious that receiving presents is very important to her, that's... very obvious.

WookieRubbersmith 11

28 yr old dude buys his serious girlfriend a PEE FUNNEL for her birthday and presents it to her in front of family and friends.

GF is bummed.

"Well, I don't see why everyone is being so hard on this guy. He obviously didn't do anything wrong. She's an asshole for expecting anything more than a pee funnel from her boyfriend of two years. What a selfish lady with all of her unreasonable, secret expectations!"

jmverlin 11

This guy is a lunatic.

greihund 0

Wellll... yeah. That's a pretty concise summary.

shrugs

Did her family laugh? Mine would have, because it's very silly.

TheLoveliestKaren 2

Exactly. They are laughing at her. Not the best birthday gift, being made fun of.

greihund

In my opinion, a good relationship is based on people who can call their loved ones out on their dumbness without crossing a breaking point. It doesn't mean that anyone is loved less. There is no good follow up to "I bought you a cruise." I think a Peewee or whatever is fine. One day is not as important as months or years of general satisfaction. Oh, it's your birthday, poor you. So what?

Sounds like OP's breaking point might have been crossed - but that doesn't mean that she shouldn't have been called out on it, if something essentially meaningless held great meaning to her. It sounds to me like she has an unreasonable threshold.

Birthdays are increasingly meaningless the more of them you have. I am not surprised at all to hear that a 28 year old places less importance on them than a 24 year old. If you have a good relationship, there's always a next year. Maybe they will do something fun then, if she doesn't totally crack up after this thread.

WookieRubbersmith 23

Wow everything in your response raises a huge red flag for me about the typ of person you are.

You think she should be grateful that he "puts up with her nonsense," and that in and of itself should be her "gift"? Yikes, buddy. That's a pretty aggressive assumption to make about OP. That is also not EVER how healthy relationships work.

Buying your girlfriend a pee funnel for her birthday after spending weeks hyping her up to expect something special is a deliberately mean spirited prank, particularly in the context of a relationship that seems to involve, historically, rather extravagant gifts, and particularly given that he knows that birthdays are special and important to her. It was intended to publicly embarrass her. If his intentions had in any way been sweet, and he was just trying to make a light-hearted joke, wouldn't he have given her a "real" gift, you know--one that is thoughtful and shows that he knows her and knows what she likes? I honestly cant imagine a 28 yr old man who would get this sort of gift for his girlfriend of two years's birthday and think it was actually a nice gift, so let's stop pretending like this was anything other than a rude joke that he made because HE thought it would be funny, despite the fact that his fun comes at her expense.

But I guess you're the sort of person who thinks that she should just be GRATEFUL that he deigned to grant her even the meager-est of gifts, as a man ought not be expected to lower himself to such trivial concerns as his girlfriends feelings. Set this poor man free! He needs a life of unrestricted delights, and a woman who is worthy of his love! A woman who would APPRECIATE a pee funnel and not be a selfish little brat who wanted a "real" birthday present!

greihund -8

I think that any long term relationship should have a bit of gratitude that there is somebody else in the world who is willing to put up with what some other people would consider nonsense. Like.... all of them. I don't feel that's an aggressive stance. That's a tolerant stance, and that's what people need to spend a lot of time with one other person. Warts and all, like they used to say.

It seems to me that the guy involved thinks it's worthwhile to downplay the "gift giving." I think that's fine. Cruises for every birthday and holiday is either unsustainable for most couples, or at the very least reserved for the uber-elite. My guess is that he thought she would find it hilarious, but she doesn't, because she wants more. It's pretty blatantly greed that is bothering her.

I think if she wants to go to a concert with him, and they have a good relationship, it should be no big deal. Go ahead and say what you want. If she wants a cruise, ask for it. I think buying somebody a cruise - that you are also coming along on - is kind of a bit over the top as a "surprise" birthday present. Relationships are built on tiny, daily gifts, not birthdays and christmas.

Edit: two hours later:

downvote away, it is not the big things, it is the little things that make a relationship work

have fun y'all

"relationship advice"

WookieRubbersmith 5

He made a unilateral decision to "downplay the gift giving" as you put it, without communicating with her at all about this. Instead, he did the opposite--he deliberately built this up over the course of MONTHS to lead OP to believe that he was getting her something really special. She didn't come up with that idea on her own. Her expectations didn't come from nowhere, and they have little to do with the cruise (which I see you're pretty hung up on, and seem to really, really want to somehow blame her for? Like she sort of deserves this for getting him something so over the top? W/e I can't follow your logic there.). Her expectations were high because he purposefully built them up.

So, this was a mean-spirited trick. He tricked her. He went out of his way to build her hopes up that he'd done something special and thoughtful, and the punchline was to purposefully disappoint and humiliate her in public.

AND YET! You are still convinced that he did nothing wrong, that she's greedy, and that this comes down to HER not being good at communication. You are also imposing your highly personal views about the significance of gifts onto a situation where those feelings are obviously not shared by OP, but you seem convinced that your feelings are CORRECT and that hers are INCORRECT.

If you find this dude's behavior easy to empathize with, and her feelings in response to his actions difficult to empathize with, it really makes me wonder if you just have some really negative beliefs about women or something that are giving you a twisted bias here. I honestly cannot wrap my head around your reasoning.

DisguisedAsMe 3

He definitely has some mommy issues going on there. Yeesh. This poor girl just wanted something thoughtful for her birthday, damn.

TheLoveliestKaren 1

I think the fact that she is even questioning whether she has the right to be upset about this shows she isn't just being greedy. She's thoughtful about being appreciative about gifts, even if they disappoint her.

But, he embarrassed her. And kind of on purpose it seems. She has every right to be upset about that.

WeaponizedDepression 16

Who hurt you?

greihund -6

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Bombojuk 8

Buying something for someone to pee out of for their birthday isn't cool.

savorywilliams

That’s hilarious. Especially if you’re at a T.G.I. Friday’s. That man is a keeper

beabea0929 -102

You sound like a brat. You got him the gift you did because you wanted to and were able to. Maybe the “surprise “ fell through and he couldn’t do it. He never should’ve told you he was doing that, kind of defeats the purpose of a surprise. But something I’ve learned is not to ever expect anything from anyone. That way you won’t be disappointed. I would be more worried about him being distant as you said.

Marasmous 49

Not sure what makes me a brat for being upset of a fake birthday surprise only to be dupped in front of my friends and family pulling out a peequality and he shouts "stand up for equality. stand up to pee, Mara!" while all his buddies laugh at my expense

LyssaBrisby 12

You have got to open the box and make sure it is not just a gag gift. I mean even if it's a ten pound sapphire I'd still be pissed (heh) off at this point, but please, check and tell us if he's really this stupid.

TheLoveliestKaren 9

Girl, it doesn't make you a brat at all. Don't listen to these comments.

I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years. Sometimes we just don't even get each other gifts. Like, he'll get me something for my birthday, but I won't get him anything and other years it'll be vice-versa. We're not big on gifts. I don't think I'd care if he never gets me gifts. I'm very far from materialistic, greedy or bratty.

I would be pissed at the gift you got. It's not a lack of a gift, its an anti-gift. It didn't just disappoint you, it embarrassed you. It's not about "I didn't get mine" its "What I got instead of thoughtfulness was mockery and embarrassment from someone I thought cared about me". Anyone who doesn't see that is being really thick-headed or emotionally shallow, so please don't let their thoughts on this affect you.

JustNedsGirl 2

he shouts "stand up for equality. stand up to pee, Mara!" while all his buddies laugh at my expense

Maybe it's some kind of anti-feminist gesture? Like, you upset him with something you argued about, you are acting "too manly" for his taste? That's why he want's you to pee standing? It sound cruel to make fun of you in front of your family and friends, I think you should talk with him not only about a gift, but how you feel about his behaviour.

beabea0929 -56

Maybe it’s just how I think to not expect anything from anyone. You sound like a brat in my eyes bc you said “but it was also embarrassing that he had nothing else planned and it’s been a week and he hasn’t said anything “ you mentioned the extravagant gift you got him for his birthday. To me that’s irrelevant to your birthday. I said he was wrong for saying he was getting you a surprise. And for that I feel bad that you were let down. That’s why I was saying not to have expectations.

What he said is absolutely embarrassing and inappropriate while in a restaurant with your friends and family. At home is different.

livefromnow2202 19

Birthday surprises add a lot of fun to life!! Never putting in effort or having anyone else to put in effort for you sounds depressing AF.

She got him a cruise 🚢, that takes a ton of planning. It’s not like she’s putting in nothing and asking for something amazing in return.

It’s not about the cost of the gift either, it’s the thought. If he created a scrap book of photos of them during their 2 years together THAT would be a cute and thoughtful gift. A cup so you can stand to pee, while funny, is not thoughtful or sweet.

greihund -16

It's completely possible that she wanted to go on a cruise, so she booked a cruise for both of them and said it was for him. I don't think a birthday present - or lack thereof - could ever upset me enough that I would go online looking for advice about it. It kind of undermines the concept of gift-giving.

NFather 14

Maybe it’s just how I think to not expect anything from anyone.

This is incompatible with being in a relationship, no?

beabea0929 -18

I’m in a relationship have been for 10 years. I don’t expect anything from him. To me Christmas and birthdays are special days for my kids.

lusealtwo 42

Cue the Reddit race to the bottom for how little you should expect as a gift.... the gift was shitty and he told her a huge surprise was coming. She’s not being a brat. She’s allowed to have standards.

Babybiowater -10

What you should expect from a gift is nothing. If you haven't outright been given a reason to expect. Such as him hyping it up. That was the real dick move I think. Hyping it up when you really have nothing to give is a slap in the face.

lusealtwo 5

Yeah I guess I agree but I do think it’s okay to expect gifts in a relationship especially after the precedent has been set (as it has in this case)

WeaponizedDepression 35

Sorry but it doesn't work that way. You don't spend weeks hyping up a surprise and getting someone excited over a surprise that really turns out to be a gag gift. Then when they are disappointed you call them a brat. He led her on. She has every right to be upset. You have a sad outlook on relationships.

Miimmoouuu 23

A brat? Really? And that’s an extremely poor mindset to have in a relationship, the “not expecting anything from anyone”. This makes it seem like she doesn’t have faith in her partner and it can cause serious problems. Relationships come with expectations, if you don’t have expectations then maybe a relationship isn’t the best thing.

jnaloomis 17

You sound like a lot of fun.

beabea0929 -19

I am actually, thank you!!

jnaloomis 17

Mmm. A fun person wouldn’t say that.

beabea0929 -11

And what exactly would a fun person say?

jnaloomis 14

You’re too invested in this.

Band1c0t

He’s 28 years old and still making a joke like a teenager, what a dumbass

grandoraldisseminato

Maybe the gift was the lesson and the self reflection this may have afforded you

ciucco

Is it really a joke gift? I've heard girls say all my life how lucky guys are that they get to pee standing up and wish that they could. It seems like something useful that women would want to use all the time.

MJGC-Jonathan

You sound a bit entitled. But he was inmature on the delivery of the "gift".

unemployedstoner

I would probably end things after he hypes that up for months and you got him a cruise! Boy bye

Trick_Belt

Better question: don't you have friends and family you can ask for feedback about this?

bermudadrain

Am i the only person who thinks this story is bullshit? Post history claims bonaroo, drugs, and job loss for their man, but who has family friends birthday dinners post high school? Fuck if i ever have the chance to have dinner with fam and so its weeks after and involves a 5hr drive.

banister

He knows holidays and birthdays are really important to me

Who gives a shit, you think you deserve something more special than other people, then?

You're 24. Not 12. I got a hoodie for my birthday. The previous year i got a calendar. Who cares.

Get over it.

LasPlagas93

I hate to say this, but if he doesn't follow up with a better gift soon, it's likely that he gave it to you to intentionally make you mad so you would break up. Have you two had any major arguments lately? He might be baiting you into breaking up with him so he doesn't have to. Either that or he has a pee fetish. This is a bizarre gift to give someone and not follow up with an actual gift.

bannana

I made the mistake of continuing to date someone that forgot my birthday then for christmas regifted me a pile of utter crap he had received from his office mates, really was one of the biggest mistakes I made in my life.