Nice guys (girls) eat pussy (give BJ's)

This post by Morgan was just so filled with wisdom I think it deserves it's own thread. Question is: do you agree or no? Why or why not?
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MorganI think that a man's willingness to go down on a girl is a pretty good indicator of how generous he is in the rest of his life. In my experience, a guy who's unwilling to please his girl orally is usually unwilling to please her in non-sexual ways....And this applies to women as well...this eagerness and generosity of his can be seen in many other aspects of his character...

Bingo! Voila! Bravo Morgan! Some of the most profound wisdom I have seen this...week? month? maybe this year?

If someone wants to please their SO, they will be unselfish about it...and that's true whether we are talking about sex, chores, finances, whatever. Two selfish people together will kill each other. A selfish person and a giver will work initially, but only for a limited amount of time. Put two givers together who truly want to please each other in all aspects of their relationship, and you've got a long-lasting and overall happy relationship!

Good move BD. Selfishness has no place in a relationship, and if your SO is selfish then run don't walk to the nearest exit. So many couples think things will get better once they are married and nothing could be further from the truth. Marriage is hard and takes a lot of work from both partners, both in and out of the bedroom. IMMHO

Ya know, I think it's part of human nature to be selfish. I think we are wired that way, probably a survival instinct or something similar. This is obvious to me in watching children play together, for instance. So, we all have to make a conscious effort to catch ourselves being selfish about some particular thing and just stop...step into the other person's shoes and try to understand how they might feel. Or, tell ourselves "I should treat them like I'd like to be treated". I truly believe how unselfish you can manage to be is a definite measurement or indicator of how mature you truly are.

So, sometimes we succeed in being consciously unselfish and sometimes we don't. All of us are human and none of us get it right all the time. Kudos to all the people who actually put some effort into being unselfish though. (I do, my wife does, all of my close friends except for one do, and I can pretty well spot the people on this forum who do.) Some folks don't even bother trying to be unselfish and are totally happy looking out for #1 only. (Hint: those people don't tend to have deep and long-lasting relationships with other people, if you've noticed that.)

Anyway, just my thoughts on some human nature characteristics. I truly think that what Morgan said is pretty accurate...if someone is selfish in day-to-day life, the odds are pretty good they'll be selfish in the bedroom...if they are selfish in the bedroom, the odds are pretty good they'll be selfish in the rest of their life. (And really, maybe this is the way it's supposed to be? Maybe it's all "designed" to be this way?) It's human nature, and they've either learned to act like a mature adult, or they have continued to act like a child.

Marriage is hard and takes a lot of work from both partners, both in and out of the bedroom. IMMHO

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How true that is. If you don't put "maintenance" into your relationship, it will slowly spiral downward. I truly believe that's what happens in a lot of cases. No one would expect to buy a house and never have to clean it or paint it....no one would buy a car and expect to never have to change the oil or put air in the tires. Why would anyone expect that a relationship will be effortless and not require any work from either person?

Gold Member

The perfect marriage is when both partners have this attitude. You and BD are much wiser than your years.:bow

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Thank you Bucky. Like I said in another thread, what gets me off is getting him off. I am multi-orgasmic, and the lust/love for the man I am doing is what gets me off. It is easy for me. Just the thrill of having him inside me, so intimate, just makes me cum. We have a great sexual relationship, but it comes from years of being together, and just a synergy that I cannot explain......

I definitely agree with what everyone else has been saying in this thread. Glad to see such positive thinking around here.

The way I see it, who we are with our partners in bed is not isolated from who we are to the rest of the world.

I have a friend who's very experimental and counter-culture in every way. She believes in some pretty strange religious and political ideas, she likes trippy films, listens to really weird music and dresses like no one I've ever seen. So it came as no surprise when I found out she had a very alternative/experimental sex life (group sex, polyamorous relationships...). That's a more obvious example.

I had an old bf who was very calm and relaxed and mellow, not aggressive in anyway, and yet he was always a bit distant and reserved with me. And I felt all of this when we had sex. He was very gentle and sensual and caring, but there was an odd disconnect, like his mind was always elsewhere.

My current bf is very aggressive and intense and passionate in his life, but he's also a very kind and compassionate person to everyone he knows. He gets very excited about things, enjoys sharing that enthusiasm with people, and is always happy to hear about the things they're passionate about. Again, this side of him is there when we have sex.

Like I said, who we are in bed is not isolated from who we are to the rest of the world. I'm not saying that a person's sexual personality is a flawless gauge of their entire character. But I think it's a pretty a important part of them. Human beings express who they are through a number of different channels (direct conversation, various forms of artistic expression, style of dress, how they carry themselves, etc,) and sex is just another one of those channels. It's a very personal, very primal kind of thing where part of our true nature comes out one way or another.

WOW Morgan is right on the money there!! I neve thought of that before and its so true!!

My hubby and i enjoy each other for an hour or 2 before we actually have sex and i see that in our everyday lives also (the generosity and doing things for one another and having a sence of satisfaction seeing them satisfied also)

I totally agree. I believe Samantha said it in Sex in the City, "Who we are bed is who we are in life."

I have always gone for the "nice guys' and they have all spent a significant amount of time with a faceful of me.

My current bf is a very intense, passionate guy, but a definite southern gentleman and generally caring person. He's incredibly intense and in the moment during sex (something i envy) and really seems to enjoy giving and pleasing me as much if not more than getting off himself. mmm...less than a week until i get some of that again!!

So, every person that won't return the favour of oral sex to their partner is "selfish"?

WRONG WRONG WRONG!

There are a lot of reasons why someone may be unwilling or unable to give oral sex to thier partner, and labeling all of them as "selfish" is unfair.

I'm not getting into the full story here, but there was a time in my life where I was terrified of giving blowjobs and it took me a very long time to get over it.

Don't be so quick to label someone.

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I don't think anyone said that. The gist is that in general, folks who are selfish in the bedroom are selfish in the rest of their life, and vice versa. If someone has a strong gag response or some mental block against oral for instance, that's totally different.

So, every person that won't return the favour of oral sex to their partner is "selfish"?

WRONG WRONG WRONG!

There are a lot of reasons why someone may be unwilling or unable to give oral sex to thier partner, and labeling all of them as "selfish" is unfair.

I'm not getting into the full story here, but there was a time in my life where I was terrified of giving blowjobs and it took me a very long time to get over it.

Don't be so quick to label someone.

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I'm sorry if my comment came across as being critical or judgmental towards all people who don't give oral sex to their partner. That honestly was not my intention. I think I made the mistake of taking a personal experience from my past --where the situation was very much that my partner was just a selfish person-- and then globalized it onto everyone else for the sake of making a larger point. I should not have done that. I certainly understand that there are a number of reasons why a person could have an aversion to it, and that it doesn't mean they're selfish. Having personally had the experience of attempting to explore sex and simultaneously keep away painful memories of past sexual abuse, I know all too well that a person's sexual behavior is a complex thing.

I also see how someone could potentially take the idea that "your partner should be selfless and giving" and use that as means of manipulating their partner into doing something that they're just not comfortable with. E.g: "You're supposed to be selfless and giving towards me, so you should be happy to do anal sex, because that's what pleases me."

What I really believe is just what I said in my second post of this thread: Who we are in the bedroom is who we are to the rest of the world. I'm sure, regardless of the fact that you didn't give your partner oral, that you were very much a caring lover to him, and that this was an observable personality trait both in and out of the bedroom. That is really all that I'm trying to point out here. Not that everyone who doesn't go down on their lover is a bad person, just that their is a relationship between our sexual character and the rest of ourselves.

I also see how someone could potentially take the idea that "your partner should be selfless and giving" and use that as means of manipulating their partner into doing something that they're just not comfortable with. E.g: "You're supposed to be selfless and giving towards me, so you should be happy to do anal sex, because that's what pleases me."

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Well, ya know, this is a self-correcting situation in reality. If someone is using "you should be unselfish" as a manipulation factor, then they are showing quite a bit of selfishness themselves, and that's easy to detect I think. Giving has to go both ways, or it doesn't work. Someone who has a healthy perspective will 1) give their partner what they want or like, up to their own boundaries, 2) will consider dropping or relaxing some of their boundaries for their partner, but 3) will not attempt to coerce their partner into doing something they simply do not want to do.

If both partners act this way, you'd never have a problem. There's a difference between encouraging someone in a gentle and loving way to just let go and drop their inhibitions...it's a totally different matter to try to arm-twist and nag someone into doing something they simply are not comfortable with. There's a very fine line here...but your intentions clearly show as to whether you are encouraging your partner for their benefit (as well as yours), or you are after something your partner simply does not feel comfortable giving.