Archive for the ‘Compare/Contrast’ Category

British professor: When I moved from England to the States I was always so surprised to hear people use the phrase, “I feel” this and “I feel” that…NYU kid: Why?British professor: Because we don't feel.

Thug #1: So you know her, then.Thug #2: No.Thug #1: But you just said “that hot spic chick.”Thug #2: No, I didn't.Thug #1: You did! You just called her “that hot spic chick!”Thug #2: No, I said “that hot delicious chick.” Because everyone's been talking about her.

Girl: So I don't steal from privately owned places and shit, I steal from like CVS.Guy: The funniest thing I ever stole was a five-dollar finger vibrator.Girl, excited: Did it work?Guy: Yeah, it was the shit! You can borrow it anytime.

NYU girl #1: So when you were in Israel did you hook up with any hot Israeli guys?NYU girl #2: Yeah, he was this really hot army officer. But he was so aggressive…I think he though I was Gaza or something.

Shish kebab vendor: Are you sure you want the really hot sauce…? And not the regular hot sauce?Girl: Um, why?Shish kebab vendor: Want me to describe it? It’s like if I tear out your asshole and tickle it.