CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Marg Helgenberger is going to return tonight to help celebrate the 300th episode of "CSI." Not only that, but Jason Priestly is going to be on as well. So, there you have three different reasons for watching tonight. Separately they are all all pretty solid, but together they are something more, together they make an unimpeachable case for watching. Oh yes, they make just the sort of unimpeachable case that the investigators on the series put together on a weekly basis.

Past Events

We do not know what tonight's case will bring the investigators of "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation." What we do know is that this will not be their last case ever. Season 15 (wow) is going to happen come the fall. Now, we also know that this series has been through an incredible number of cast changes through the years and that you should in no way expect everyone to make it through tonight's episode with their lives and/or jobs intact. Who (if anyone) disappears? Like we'd tell you here even if we knew.

Over on NBC there is a show which focuses heavily on a cannibal, even if most people doesn't yet know he's a cannibal. Tonight, on "CSI," we're going to get a single episode focusing on a cannibal, and certainly not the NBC one. It is, without a doubt, a gruesome topic, but it's a gruesome topic of which people can't seem to get enough. We are quite curious to watch tonight and see how our investigators deal with this disgusting turn of events. Is someone going to explain about all the protein?

It has been just over a month since the last new episode of "CSI" aired and, we hope, that the body that our investigators find tonight (we're assuming that there will be a body) hasn't been sitting around since then. The odor would be something powerful if the body has had to wait for a month to be discovered. Or would it? At what point does the smell dissipate? These are the questions we hope to have answered when we watch "CSI" and why we'll be tuning in tonight.

Chaos ensues when a woman is supposedly attacked by a shark at a Las Vegas pool, leaving it up to the CSI team to determine what truly occurred, and whether or not the shark is the real culprit, or if the case is actually a homicide.

D.B. Russell stops at nothing to find the people who kidnapped his granddaughter, as he and the rest of the CSI team go on an all-out hunt to recover the girl from her captors and bring the responsible culprits to justice.

D.B. Russell stops at nothing to find the people who kidnapped his granddaughter, as he and the rest of the CSI team go on an all-out hunt to recover the girl from her captors and bring the responsible culprits to justice.

Get ready people, because next fall, Sam Malone returns. Well, sort of. He returns in that Ted Danson is going to be a part of weekly, regularly scheduled television program once more. Kind of like he is this season. Okay, exactly like he is this season. Really. Ted Danson isn't going to be playing Sam Malone next fall as much as he's going to be playing D.B. Russell, his role here on "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation." Put another way, the "CSI" mothership will still be around in the fall and Ted Danson will be leading the charge. Even so, there will be some pretty bad doings tonight.

Grissom, Nick and Warrick arrive at the scene of a dog attack where a jogger was mauled to death by a canine, but on closer examine discover that the man's liver has been surgically removed; Catherine struggles to investigate a child's death.

Grissom, Nick and Warrick arrive at the scene of a dog attack where a jogger was mauled to death by a canine, but on closer examine discover that the man's liver has been surgically removed; Catherine struggles to investigate a child's death.

Grissom, Sara and Warrick investigate the death of a poker player who died after suffering violent convulsions during a game; Nick and Catherine must check out street racing when a body is discovered at an abandoned air strip.

When a bomb explodes in a local office building, killing one and critically injuring another, the CSIs suspect a security guard with prior knowledge of bomb-making; when Nick's libido takes over, he wakes up next to a murdered prostitute friend.

Grissom, Warrick and Sara are called in to investigate when a former tenet leaves his apartment covered in blood, literally, and his girlfriend is nowhere to be found; Catherine and Nick explore the urban legend of a scuba diver stuck in a tree.

While on a date, Stokes notices that a piece of art at an exhibit has parts of a decomposing body, leading to a full-blown investigation into the matter; D.B. Russell makes a decision to ground one of the staff from the case.

While on a date, Stokes notices that a piece of art at an exhibit has parts of a decomposing body, leading to a full-blown investigation into the matter; D.B. Russell makes a decision to ground one of the staff from the case.

We simply don't know how much longer the various "CSI" incarnations will continue and if, somehow, our long awaited dream of 'CSI: Fargo" will come about. Is this going to be the last "CSI" crossover event we ever get? It just may be. Tonight, some of the folks from "CSI: NY" will be on the original incarnation, and then on Friday they're going to do the whole vice-versa thing. We recommend tuning in tonight and thinking back on all the good times we've had with the crossovers, all the joy, and all the murders that have been solved.

If there is one thing we learned about Sam Malone, it's that he never quit. Well, except for alcohol, he quit that (yes, he had some moments of weakness, but he quit again when he had to). And, as for the babysitter, she didn't quit until all the kids were back at home, safe and sound, did she? Where were we going with this? Oh, yes, the folks on "CSI" don't quit either, they took a nice break for the holidays, but after a month off skiing (we assume they went somewhere cold because they live in Vegas), they're back solving cases and we're back watching them. You should too.

When a woman is found dead with a done-up, '70s-style hair complete with vintage clothes, the CSI team sets out to investigate and find out what clues will lead them to a killer with a particular fetish for extravagant hair styles.

The night-shift supervisor of the crime lab at the Las Vegas Police Department believes that an apparent suicide is actually a homicide; investigators look into cases where a man was drugged and killed, as well as a man shot breaking into his house.

D.B. starts to take things personally when he is drawn into the investigation of the death of his son's college basketball coach, a case where evidence is pointing to his son as a possible suspect in the man's untimely death.

Okay, so it's true that we're kind of regularly amazed at what season various series have hit. The truth is that knowing a show like "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation" has made it to season 13 makes us wonder how long its been since "Growing Pains" was on the air and why that show never got to season 13. Plus, honestly, it makes us feel insanely old. There's a mystery we would love to have these guys solve -- how did we get so old? You know that there are tons of forensic clues available, so we fully expect them to get on the case... probably by season 20 it'll actually seem like a good idea, too.

Warrick finds himself under heavy investigation for leaving Holly alone the night she got shot; Grissom brings in a new investigator from San Francisco to investigate Warrick's whereabouts the night in question, much to Catherine's chagrin.

Multiple shootings and stabbings on a public tram leave the CSI with a sole witness and a lot of questions to be answered about the events that took place; CSI welcomes in a new supervisor to the team to help out with the case.

When a young boy is discovered brutally murdered, the investigating CSI team uncovers startling evidence at the crime scene that may actually link his untimely death to an old case that has recently resurfaced within their department.

When a young boy is discovered brutally murdered, the investigating CSI team uncovers startling evidence at the crime scene that may actually link his untimely death to an old case that has recently resurfaced within their department.

Is it just us, or has this been a tumultuous season on "CSI?" We feel like we've gotten a bunch of departures and arrivals and some odd (not bad, just odd) changes to the show. Tonight we're going to get the first season finale with the newly formed (reformed? deformed? misinformed?). We are actually moderately afraid of getting another set of changes tonight, the truth is that as much as we want tonight to be a great episode, we want it to be great without causing us to fret during the off season.

One of the original "Charlie's Angels" is going to be on "CSI" tonight as Jaclyn Smith puts in an appearance on the CBS procedural. She will be playing Olivia Hodges, mother to David Hodges (Wallace Langham). We know that Smith hasn't been an angel for decades (unless you count her uncredited appearance in 2004's "Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle"), but, let's face it, she is inextricably associated with said role and if she whipped out a few references to Charlie and/or Bosley tonight it would really make many a person's day (including our own).

Elisabeth Shue! Elisabeth Shue! Nobody gets out of here without singing the blues! Okay, yes, fine, Elisabeth Shue has proven herself a good actress many times over since she starred "Adventures in Babysitting," but much like Ted Danson holds a special place in our heart as Sam Malone, Elisabeth Shue holds a place in our heart as Chris Parker. Actually, now that we think about it, we simply love the idea of two of our heroes from the 1980s starring together a quarter century later. That's right, we said it, a quarter century later. We can't tell you what it would mean to us if she mentioned babysitting and he mentioned relief pitching tonight.

As you well know if you've watched anything on CBS for the past month (the promos have been everywhere), Marg Helgenberger is leaving "CSI." Well, no matter when the process of her leaving may have started, it ends tonight. Tonight, Marg Helgenberger leaves "CSI," we're told, forever. In order to make it an even bigger event, we're getting some extra bonus guest stars tonight too. Annabeth Gish is going to be on as is Titus Welliver and Matt Lauria. People, it's going to be a big night on "CSI," and one wonders exactly how Helgenberger will be departing.

It is true that sometimes you want to go where everyone knows your name (and where they're always glad you came). You see, you wanna be where people know our troubles are all the same, and on "CSI," people's troubles are always the same -- there's a killer and the killer has to be caught. Ted Danson is joining the cast of the original "CSI" at the start of this season and, we're told, won't be playing an ex-baseball player and recovering alcoholic. We're sorry, we still miss Sam Malone (and are kind of hoping for a "Growing Pains"-style reunion movie).

When we see that "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation" is closing its 11th season, we admit to feeling rather old. Eleven seasons is an awfully long time for a show to be on the air, no matter whether the cast remains the same or if some people disappear and others arrive. Tonight's finale will feature a showdown between the Dick & Jane Killer and Langston. We're not going to call it a 'final' showdown, but there is going to be a showdown. That really isn't a surprise as the story has been heading in that direction, but it should still make for a good episode.

What exactly is it about serial killers that so strikes our fancy? No, not ours personally, the collective ours, as in everyone's fancy (but way to think us sick). Tonight we're getting the return of the Dick and Jane killer, Nate Haskell (Bill Irwin). As you may have surmised, our CSIs are going to have to do their best to find the escaped killer before he goes off the rails and starts inflicting a whole lot more pain. We're hoping they stop him, but we're also kind of hoping that he'll be back again at some point down the line.

Is there anything that Bieber kid can't do? He can sing, he can dance, he can wear his hair like that (seriously, that's not easy to do, do you have any idea what we'd look like if we had Bieber hair?), and he can even have his "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation" role recur. That's an impressive feat for someone so young. Gosh, he must be right when he shouts out that 'never say never' stuff. We thought he was just riffing on James Bond, but maybe there's something to it all.

Marlee Matlin is one of those people whom we seek out any time she is even rumored to be on television. There is just something special about that woman that we greatly enjoy. Apparently, good old Grissom used to feel the same way about Matlin's character on this show, as she's playing one of his ex-girlfriends. Talk about awkward that Sidle has to visit Matlin's character's place of work, a college which happens to be run by Grissom's mom (played by Phyllis Frelich). We look forward to the fireworks that almost assuredly will occur here.

Can you believe the longevity that Carrot Top currently enjoys? It's actually a little weird and more than slightly unsettling. We remember the guy from back in the day when he had that kids' show, but the Carrot Top we see today - the buff one - isn't the same guy. Well, obviously he's the same guy, but he's a whole new guy too if you know what we mean. He's going to be playing himself on "CSI" tonight, and really, who else could he ever play? Trevor Donovan (of "90210") is also going to be on, but he'll be someone else (and not a body double for Carrot Top either).

We can't say that we haven't seen Katee Sackhoff in a whole lot of stuff since she was on "Battlestar Galactica," but to us she'll always be Starbuck. We're not quite sure how the BSG folks are going to explain Starbuck showing up in Las Vegas in the present and pretending like she's a detective, but that's their problem because she's on "CSI" tonight. Frankly, the more we think about it, the harder it's going to be for the producers to create a plausible story, but we're very curious to watch and see them put something together.

Apparently "CSI" is ready for Halloween. This week's episode features vampires and werewolves - two distinctly scary types of creatures. The producers, however, must have felt that just vampires and werewolves weren't enough to frighten folks so they've also gone out to get Andy Dick to star as an armory dealer. Truly terrifying stuff. Now, we can't say that vampires and werewolves will actually make an appearance, but there is some sort of convention and Thad Luckinbill and Michael Graziadei will be playing supernatural enthusiasts. That's less scary, but certainly still an important thing to note.

Everyone knows Elliott Gould and we all probably remember that Holly Madison was not only on "The Girls Next Door," but also had her own show, "Holly's World." That's easy stuff, but how many of you out there remember "Method & Red?" Probably very few. For some insane reason, "Method & Red" has never gotten a DVD release. Oh, there was a movement (and a petition) at one point, but nothing ever came of it. Those of you who do want to see Method Man on DVD though can wait until this season of "CSI" hits store shelves, because Method is in tonight's episode.

What is odder than Tim Conway and Jennifer Tilly guest starring on a single episode of the same series? The two of them guest starring as a married couple on the same series. We're okay that Conway has a full quarter century on Tilly, it just seems like an odd pairing. But, hey, that's show business and the two do star as a show business couple tonight so maybe it does make some sort of kooky sense. Plus, as Conway and Tilly are both most definitely kooky, the kooky sense is only enhanced. We'd say 'prepare to laugh,' but the show does revolve around dead people so that may be inappropriate.

Do you know what a 'high school CSI Explorer Scout' is? Series stars Liz Vassey and Wallace Langham wrote this episode of "CSI" and in it there are high school CSI Explorer Scouts. Have CSIs become so popular in the Vegas school system that there are now CSI clubs where the kids learn to figure out who cheated on a test and exactly how the answers were written into the side of the number two pencil? Lucas Grabeel of "High School Musical" guest stars as one of those CSI Explorer Scouts, and we're hoping for a song and dance routine from him.

Ray Langston is done racking up those frequent flyer miles and back in Vegas as the "CSI" cross-over event comes to a conclusion. Langston has been in Miami and New York, but the key to his search just may lie with a prostitution ring in Las Vegas. Will Langston put all the pieces together before time runs out? Will he save the young girl taken hostage? Will he get to fly with a free business class upgrade during the next Sweeps period? Some of these questions just may be answered tonight.

The original CSI closed out its ninth season with a study of old time Vegas after chips from a long closed casino turn up in the city. The forensics team returns for a tenth season to solve crimes in Las Vegas.

The best selling country chanteuse won't just be playing herself, though.

Swift will play a troubled teen whose parents run a motel in the episode "Turn, Turn, Turn." When her parents' motel is the scene of a number of murders, Swift's character gets to know the CSI gang, in an episode that takes place over the course of a year.