Thursday, July 9, 2009

I was thinking this morning (shocking, ain't it?) about 17 Tammuz's of yore. Everyone knows what happened in the Middle East, right?

1. Moses broke the tablets at Mount Sinai — in response to the sin of the Golden Calf.

2. The daily offerings in the First Temple were suspended during the siege of Jerusalem, after the Kohanim could no longer obtain animals.

3.Jerusalem's walls were breached, prior to the destruction of the Second Temple in 70 CE.

4. Prior to the Great Revolt, the Roman general Apostamos burned a Torah scroll - setting a precedent for the horrifying burning of Jewish books throughout the centuries.

5. An idolatrous image was placed in the Sanctuary of the Holy Temple - a brazen act of blasphemy and desecration.

That was all, by the way, courtesy of Aish.com. Why was I reduced to using the competition? Because Chabad.org doesn't appear to know that some of these events happened, which is really quite embarrassing.

So anyway, as I was saying, I recalled going to a ball game eight years ago on the 17th of Tammuz with Levi Feller and Ira Tick. You want to know how good my memory for useless information is? Everything I'm about to write comes from my head, not the internet. Here goes:

The Minnesota Twins took on the Cincinnati Reds in a Sunday day game, I believe it was the rubber game of the three day series. Brad Radke pitched for the Twins, and ended up throwing a 3-hit complete game, retiring the final 22 batters he faced. The only run he gave up was a Ken Griffey Jr. home run. The Twins, meanwhile, scored seven runs in the first four innings, spurred on by Matt Lawton's big day. I remember being surprised that the attendance was less than 30,000, even though it looked like the good 'ol Metrodome was pretty full.

All right, how about for the truth? My memory was pretty good, but not infallible. Jason Larue hit that homerun, not Ken Griffey Jr. (who was hitless), and the Twins scored the last of their runs in the sixth. On the plus side, Matt Lawton did have a huge day, going 4 for 5 with a homerun. I had not recalled that Torii Hunter and AJ Pierzynski also had huge days, with three hits and two RBIs a piece. And my memory of the attendance? That at least was spot on- 28,507 souls saw that game.

And the winner is...

Summer:Hot-4Miserable-2Cold-1Bold-1__________________________________Israel+Iran:Dark skin-6War inevitable-6Ruled by dictators-4Separated at birth-3___________________________________Macaroni and CheeseGood move-21Bad move-3___________________________________Should TRS stop the ad hominem attacks?Which attacks? -9Yes-5No-4___________________________________Trains are to males as...hotdogs are to BBQ-10crochet is to females-7tennis balls are to dogs-6robes are to HP-5__________________________________Shall we go healthy?Yes-10Yumm...arugula... -8Are you crazy? -8No-1__________________________________Last album before Sefirah?Avraham Fried's Live in Israel-7Benny Friedman's Taamu-4Shloime Gertner's Say Asay-4Beri Weber's Vehaarev-2___________________________________Some day we will all be...?Expressing fear-10Together-8Warm-8Sheltered-2____________________________________Yossi and TRS are...?Evil-14Brilliant-8Hilarious-7Awesome-5____________________________________Brush teeth in the shower?Certainly-16No way! 11Brush teeth? 6Shower? 5__________________________________America needs...?More bagel stores-9Legalized marijuana-7Universal health care-4Less reliance on foreign oil-4_________________________________America is indebted to...?Charlie Chaplin-5George W. Bush-4Doug Mientkiewicz-3Barack Obama-1_________________________________What should have been his reason?Bored-1Urgent appointment with hairdresser-0Phone needed sanitization-3He was going on an actual date-11_________________________________Is Over-Capitalization A Uniquely American Problem?YES-2no-8Who said it's a problem?-2Do they even have capitals in Crylic?-11__________________________________The winter has come...Down the hatches!-2Up the hatches-0Who said anything about hatches?-6I was going to say alcohol...-14__________________________________Should TRS be invited to the Kinnus?Of course! He's TRS!-10I hate to break it to you... -10You really want rubber chicken?-3I'll call Moshe right now-2__________________________________Craigslist:Drawers, Bookcase, Couch...-10Rocks-3Cheap-2Awesome-2____________________________________Crown Heights?Crazy-20You couldn't think of a better poll?-16Expensive-13Boring-3_____________________________________TRS?Daily-17Weekly-9Every moment of your life!-7Never-3Monthly-1___________________________________TRS+le7:No presence=Presents-11I'm there!-7I'm there+Presents-1__________________________________Breadsmith's Best?Everything!-9Greek Olive Ciabatta-5Blueberry Cornbread, Rustic Italian-4French Roll-2Lemon Poppyseed-1__________________________________The future is...?Now-9Happened-2In ten minutes-2After supper-10______________________________________Music by the wedding:Only Lubavitch-12Lubavitch+Lipa-7Only Lipa-5Lubavitch=Lipa-4____________________________________What's for dinner?Beef-6Potatoes-3Dan Quayle-10The spelling bee-6___________________________________The Nine Days:More mourning-7More introspection: 3More no music-7More almost over!-8___________________________________The Three Weeks:No music-6Mourning-5Introspection-5Nearly Over!-5___________________________________Have you ever seen your father...Cry-5Fly-9Tie-5Sigh-5___________________________________The summer:Hot-4Sticky-7Noisy-4Enjoyable-12___________________________________Do you believe in...?Unicorns-6Taxes-3The Great Pumpkin-7Universal Health care-12___________________________________Peanut Butter and...?Jelly-11Jam-5Plain-8Who eats peanut butter?-6____________________________________Is there any specific reason...?Yes-9No-7Depends who's asking-14____________________________________I prefer...Lchaims-4Shabbos Kallahs-1Aufrufs-2Weddings-7Life-21___________________________________To be or not to be?Be-10Not to be-3That is the question-5Who cares about Denmark?-14___________________________________Pease PuddingHot-3Cold-2In the pot nine days old-14___________________________________Lag B'Omer means to me...Bad Guitar Strumming-7BBQ-5Real Music-3Parade-2___________________________________What is an appropriate response to terror?Wringing of necks-21Wringing of handkerchiefs-4Wringing of hands-1___________________________________Who is your favorite Sefirah artist?the Friedman Clan-9Yosef Karduner-3Lev Tahor-2Kol Zimra, Six13-1___________________________________If one finds Chametz in a matza box while setting up the Seder plate, does oneburn your mashpia-31burn your chametz+burn the entire box of matza-5 eachcall your mashpia-1__________________________________When the moon hits your eye, like a big pizza pie,13-that's amore8-that's a matzah, that's a bore1-that's a law_________________________________________What's your favorite aspect of Pesach?

14-4 cups of wine

5-Matza

2-Tahalucha

1-Elijah's Cup

_________________________________________

Does the RCA Hanhala need a backbone?27-They have hanhala?6-Yes.3-No._____________________________________Does your mashpia approve of your actions?14-I hope so.12-Who has a mashpia?4 each-Sometimes, No.3-Yes.2-Not sure.___________________________________How often do you listen to your mashpia?21-Who has a mashpia?14-100% of the time.5->50% of the time.__________________________________Do you have a mashpia? (courtesy of YYR)12-Yes.9-The truth?7-No.4-That's none of your business.________________________________________Should the Taaruvos test be before Pesach?20 -Yes.4-No._____________________________________Can it happen (VD"L)?22-Yes.4-No._____________________________________Which is Lipa's best CD so far?5 each-Lipa Baderech, A Poshite Yid.4-Keinehora.3-Likro Et Hahalell2-Non Stop Lipa_________________________________________Should TRS spend more time in Yeshiva?13-Yes.7-He has no chance anyway...5-No.3-He's so smart anyway...______________________________________Will Taaruvos be harder than Bassar B'Challav?13-How should I know?8-Yes.6-Depends.3-No____________________________________Does Rabbi Chaim Schapiro read TRS?8-Yes.6-Go pack your bags TRS.5-No._______________________________________Do you like TRS' hat? (Jan '4. 09)7-Wear it on first date6-Yes.3-Wear it to wedding.2-No.1-I'll buy TRS a new one.__________________________________Have you ever been inspired by TRS?11-Define Inspired8-Yes4-No___________________________________Vus Meint Chassidish?19-Group Think6 Each-Smashed Hat, Lots of Alcohol, Ego___________________________________Cheshvan-What do you think?35-It is what it is7-Unpack your bags4-Depressing3-Boring_____________________________________What's the best thing about Sukkos?10-Eating in the Sukkah6-Eating in the rain,4 each-Simchas Beis Hashoevah, Not sleeping in the Sukkah2-The High Holy days are over.___________________________________Did you do Teshuva yet (prior to Yom Kippur '68)?13-Working on it,5-"Is Moshiach here yet?"3-No3-Have I sinned?2-It's none of your business1-Yes___________________________________Is reality broken?12-"What kind of fool question is that?"7-"Whose reality?"4-Yes1-No___________________________________Elul: By you what is it?10-Beginning of school7-A good time to repent5- "Shofar, Sho Good."3-"By David, Hashem is my light"2-"Trembling Lubavitch Fish,"1-Sad to see that school is starting.___________________________________15 Av: By you what is it?6-Marriage4 each-No Tachanun, On Shabbos this year-who cares, "Ma Zeh 15 Av?"1-Heralds shorter days____________________________________Which CD did you miss most in the 3 weeks? (111 votes!)42-Lipa's A Poshite Yid16-Avraham Fried's No Jew will be left behind12-Lipa's Likro Et Hahallel10 each-8th Day's Brooklyn, MBD's Efshar Letaken9-Abie Rottenberg and Shlomo Simcha's Aish7-Yehudah Gilden's Harei Yehudah4-Yossi Green's The 8th Note____________________________________What is the coolest place to go on Merkos Shlichus?8-Perth7-each Bulgaria and Namibia5-Argentina4-Kazakhstan2 each-Canada and New Mexico____________________________________Can you think of a better poll than this one?13-No5-Yes____________________________________What's your favorite Shavuos food?12-Cheesecake1 each-Blintzes, Cheese Danishes, Sushi, and Fleishiks0 each-Penne a la Vodka, pizza.____________________________________What CD will you listen to when Lag B'omer rolls around?5-Yossi Green's 8th Note2-Avraham Fried's Forever One1 each-Lipa's Keinehora, Yosef Karduner's Road Marks the Whole, Avraham Fried's Chazak____________________________________What's the best thing about Pesach Sheni?5-Matza2-Only have to eat a little0-Rosh's Farbrengens____________________________________Do you listen to music during Sefira? 13-No6-Those who do are sinners and will burn6-Yes2-Why not?2-I'd get depressed if I couldn't1-Not stringent when it comes to mourning.____________________________________Is this the end of the world as we know it?3-Could care less2-Yes2-No1-I don't know____________________________________Which is the best Matza?6-Crown Heights Matza3 each-Boro Park, Your basement1-Montreal0 each-Kfar Chabad, Chicago, Russian ____________________________________Which is the hardest to clean for Pesach?7-Kitchen6-Going to Florida4-Children's bedrooms2-Own bedroom1-Car0-Basement____________________________________What's your favorite Hamantaschen filling?5-Poppyseed1 each-Apricot, Chocolate, Raspberry, and Strawberry____________________________________What will you be drinking this Purim?7-Benedictine1 Each-Dry red wine, Sweet bubbly wine, Absolut, Glenlivet, and Full Throttle0 Each-Smirnoff, Glenfiddich, Makers Mark, Bottled Water____________________________________Who won't win this year's (2008) Presidential Election?5-President George W. Bush3 Each-TRS, The Almighty Editor2 Each-Hilary Clinton, Dick Cheney1-Bill Clinton0 Each-Barack Obama, John Mccain, Our Gallant Leader____________________________________Which is the more exciting Shechita?6-Cows2-Goats1 each-Chickens, Turkeys____________________________________Which is worse?8-Wicca5-Communism____________________________________If a man speaks in a forest, and there is no woman present, is he still wrong?7-Men are ever wrong?3-Men are ever right?4-Yes1-No____________________________________How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck would chuck wood?2 Each-Funny, Makes no sense, EP get a life, TRS get a life0-Not funny____________________________________Are the recent polls Chassidish?9-Yes7-No____________________________________Your favorite condiment?1o-A1 Steak Sauce9-Honey Dijon Mustard8 each-Wasabi, Tachina5 each-BBQ Sauce, Olive Dip4 each-American Mustard, Ketchup, Chrein, Soy Sauce, Chummus, Matbucha, Turkish Salad3 each-Mayo, Chatzilim2-Relish, Ginger, Lox (Yoni)________________________________________Your favorite cold cut?6 each-Pastrami, Corned Beef, Tongue, Smoked Turkey3 each-Salami, Bologna, Roast Beef2 each-Turkey Roll, Turkey Pastrami