Jake Harper Quotes

Alan: Why aren't you studying for your algebra final?Jake: 'Cause I don't have to.Alan: You don't have to study algebra.Jake: Nope. All I gotta do is get a 67 to pass the course, and then it's adiÃ³s seventh grade, arrivederci eighth.Alan: OK, we can cross "UN interpreter" off the job list...

Alan: You know what you call someone who just skates through life doing only the bare minimum?Jake: Uncle Charlie?Alan: You call him a slacker.Jake: Whateve...Alan: Whateve? Are you now so lazy you can't even be bothered to finish words?Jake: What's your prob? Don't you get happy if I just get in eighth grade? I mean isn't that the whole point of seventh?Alan: No, that is not the whole point of seventh. And yes I'll be thrilled if you're not left back.Jake: So relax, it's all good.Alan: Don't you mean it's all "goo?"

Alan: You're writing a report on The Taming of the Shrew, not The Voyages of Cap'n Crunch!Jake: Too bad. I could write the crap out of that.Alan: OK... [sighs] I'm not fooling around here. You are gonna finish this damn book and write the damn report, and you're gonna hand it in on Monday, spell-checked, formatted, and on freakin' time!Jake: I have my doubts, Dad.

Jake [on The Taming of the Shrew]: Dad, this is the wrong book.Alan: What are you talking about?Jake: It's in some sort of foreign language.Alan: It's Elizabethan.Jake: Well, can we get one in English?Alan: Walk.

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Yeah, hi. I'm watching your commercial cash for gold and you just showed a woman selling her wedding ring for $500. No, I don't want to sell gold, I want to meet her. She's hot and we know her marriage isn't working out.