Tangled

It has been many years now that my parents passed away and I miss them very much. But there are a few things that have been gnawing at me ever since. Just a little context.

When dad left us, mum said to me just a few days after dad had left that all the inheritance would go to my sister. I was first dumbstruck. But in the circumstances of dad being just gone I did not have the temerity to say anything. So, I replied…”of course that is understandable given the fact that my sister never made it in life and had nothing to her name”. We all felt so distraught by its sudden departure that I was in no position to say anything. Was mum calculating that I was in a vulnerable position when she said it? Was she planning it all along? I will never know. The fact remains that my sister got the lot.

As years went by I had some weird feelings coming and going. My cousin, whom I visited last year said to me as we were walking and meandering in the streets of Paris hand in hand: “do you know that under french laws children can’t be left out of a will”? No, I did not know that at all. She urged me to follow it up and find out what my rights were, I may have a case after all.

This thought has then been in the back of my head and could not get rid of it. What was I going to do? Ideas zapped through my mind. Should I contact a lawyer? Should I write a letter to my sister? What should I do? I decided to speak to my son and also try to open the matter with my husband which I did. The first thing that they mentioned was : what would I get out of pursuing this matter? That got me going….I tried to find all sorts of reasons: revenge, pride, feeling of having won in the end, showing off, being right, superior, better than my sister, in the end a whole string of ideas that were not really tempting. The more I envisaged them the further away from them I ran.

Why would I not pursue it in the end? After all this idea has been planted in my mind and I was somehow determined to go ahead and claim my rights. Then after having pondered on it for a few days, I realised the futility of it all. Why would I want to stir the hornets nest? Why would I want to enter litigation with my sister for maybe a doubtful result? Why would I want to encumber my mind with for months or maybe years fighting and wasting not only money but my time and my present well-being? Why would I want to give my brain space and entertain the idea that I might win in the end? Just to show her that I am capable.

In the end who care about all the legal procedures? Wasting my time on such a trivial pursuit. I must say that after all these ideas came and went I do not feel the urge nor the need to go after her. It is her in the end who is the loser not me. And she knows it. She is the one living with all this burden on her conscience. Not me. She has not not even phoned her nephews…my two sons… to ask them if they might have wanted a trinket from their grand parents. How low can you go I thought! I feel she is hiding from it all being scared that I could do something to upset all the financial reward that she received. She could rest assured, I won’t. I have not spoken to her in 7 years.

She mostly lived from help from mum and dad on many fronts. TV, house deposit, and many other material things from us . Hardly had a steady job. But in all fairness she has a son who is highly disturbed ( was at the time of me knowing her) no husband, and having to deal with raising 3 boys. But I know and knew many women who have struggled with similar issues and managed to cope and had a job. Obviously she could not that is why mum and dad decided to give her everything I suppose. She did not cope with life. In the end, yes, I feel sorry for her. And that is one of the reason, today I decided to let go.

But the real reason apart from her tragedy is that I do not need any financial help and I said before I feel there is no point. My present situation is too precious to get entangled with hounding someone with revenge or prove a point in law. I prefer my mind to be still and have the space to continue to do the things I enjoy in life.

It was easy to come to this conclusion in the end for my own sanity to forget and forgive. I feel much better and my mind is lighter and breathe easier. I could also say that is a closed chapter in my life. I thank my husband and my son for their insights.

Till next time.

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Published by Gigi

Retired School Principal. Loving to work on the land, computers and travels and above all thinking about us humans. I also like to write and share my insights and reflections on life. My life on the farm has brought all sorts of new feelings and blogging about it is a real joy.
View all posts by Gigi

PublishedMarch 14, 2016

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2 thoughts on “Tangled”

Hi Gigi, I applaud your wise decision. Since you did not need the funds, you gave your sister a wonderful gift with your determination to let things be. I also have a sister like yours and I have frequently been frustrated by her inability to get control of her life. But over the years I have come to realize that everybody does the best they can, For whatever reason, our sisters were not born with the coping skills that some people take for granted. It is true that their lives are much harder than ours. Bless you, dear friend. You will never regret your choice.

Dear Carol, as usual many thanks for your thoughts. And also many thanks for converting it into a “wonderful gift”. It is indeed. How are you nowadays? Let me know. I know you went through a rough patch with your elderly parents.