>be 16
>first job at McDonalds
>A guy walks in
>"I would like a burger with pickles, cheese, lettuce, and ketchup"
>"Would you like onions with that sir?"
>"No"
>How dare he disrespect Shrek
>Make burger but spit on it for disrespecting him
>Customer sees
>The customer talks to the manager and I get fired
>I pray to Shrek about my problems
>Hear a faint whisper
>"Your problems will all be ogre soon"
>Get excited cause Shrek heard my prayer
>Go to bed
>Next day I wake up and turn on the news
>There has been a double homicide in my town
>Victims were the customer and manager
>Hear another faint whisper
>"They should've checked themselves before they shrek'd themselves"

I'm not too crazy about showing my milk chocolate face to any joe blow on the internet either. S'why I use my old pal Franco Nero and friends to awkwardly stare down small children and attractive women.