A crash course into wedding planning has taught me a few important lessons: I have WAY too many important people in my life, New York City is even more expensive than I already thought I knew it was, and once you get over the initial hump of overwhelming stress, thinking about all the quirks and details that can represent your relationship and future in a day of celebration is a lot of fun. I'm just going to pretend that narrowing down our original 250-person guest list to 140 seats is not a point of stress, (do you even know how quickly 140-spots disappear? Start making a mental list) for the sake of talking about the exciting parts.I can't wait to try on dresses and receive invitation samples and work with a florist on getting the perfect arrangements and bouquets together and think of a cute (and probably predictable) engagement shoot with our photographer and watch Ali get fitted for a suit (psst, Bindle & Keep specializes in creating amazing menswear for female bodies). And I'm really look forward to planning our honeymoon! Somewhere tropical? Or a string of design-centric European cities (Stockholm! Copenhagen! Helsinki!)? The Amalfi Coast? Road Trip USA?! The possibilities are endless, the hysteria is avoidable, and my god is it a good mental distraction when you're snowed in.My one and only mini-rant at this point, and I'd be doing a disservice to myself not to mention it, is the complete dearth of quality LGBT content in most mainstream wedding resources. Also, how hard is it to change "groom" to "spouse-to-be" or "partner" or anything else besides groom/husband/yo' man/etc? A tiny change in the language we all use could make a really big difference in how we approach marriage. Yes, I'm looking at you, Lauren Conrad. It's 2014. There are a whole lot of different kinds of weddings!

45 comments:

Hi Nicolette! I just started reading your awesome blog after creating mine - a personal/happy living inspiration blog. I love your bridal post - so exciting... I'm in the same boat! Looking forward to reading more. If you have any advice on my blog let me know - it's fairly new and I'm just trying it out on my own! Thanks! Xo Ladyhattan @ www.ladyhattan.com

OMG! Where have I been?!?!? Congratulations to you both!!! That's awesome!I agree with you about the complete lack of anything LGBT-related in the wedding resource area. My mom and her partner are looking to get married soon and they're having issues finding things that cater to them. It's 2014, darn it!Congrats again!! XOXO

Congratulations Nicolette!!! I didn't know that you are queer, that makes me even more totally excited about your wedding (which I believe will be a major source of queer and plus sized wedding inspiration).

I am SO EXCITED for you both as you embark on the wedding planning journey. My only advice is to plan some time regularly that you DO NOT, at all costs, talk about the wedding. It can be all consuming and you can forget that you're marrying your person, not a day. Sri and I were long distance throughout our engagement and we'd FaceTime while watching the same movie on Netflix. it was a nice way to spend time doing something relatively normal together, versus obsessing over invitation fonts/reception themes/how we'd convince my mother to get a full bar. Enjoy every minute, darling.

Etsy is an amazing place for LGBT wedding stuff and you're supporting (local) artists. I've found some really great things and I'm sure that contacting any of the sellers will open up a fantastic network of people ready and willing to help! Congratulations!!! xx

If narrowing it down is a source of stress maybe consider whether you could sacrifice the sitdown or whatever in favour of more people? We decided our priority was people over everything else, so we used a parent's garden and invited everyone we wanted. We had a simple buffet but we saw everyone we wanted to. Not saying you have to have the same priorities as I did though!

PREACH TO THE QUEERS, Nicolette! As half of another recently-enaged queer couple, it's just deadening having to feel excluded at every turn. At least we're fortunate that we both live in states where it's legal! On the West Coast, Saint Harridan and Tomboy Tailors are both great resources for female bodied suit-wearers!

My wife and I got married in 2010 and it was great! All the preparations were so much fun that I missed them when the wedding was over! ;) In order to have the intimate wedding that we wanted and the party that we wanted too, we celebrated our wedding with our closest friends, and we organized a huge party a couple of months afterwards with all the other people. This way we got to prepare two different scenarios: vintage boho for the wedding and city glamour for the party! It was a blast! We went to the Amalfi Coast in our honeymoon and I can't recommend it enough! The little villages are beyond beautiful, the food is the best and the people are fun and polite. besides, teh weather was lovely. I live in the North of Europe and I really think you don't want to spend your honeymoon under the rain. Anyway, we never had one weird look or unkind comment in Italy, everyone was so nice! Our dresses were JCrew and we loved them! Oh... Reading your post I just want to get married again!!! To the same person, obviously! Have fun with the preparations!!! (As you can see I get crazy for weddings!, Sorry for the super long comment ;)xx,E.www.theslowpace.com

Have fun on your planning process, I feel you on the expense and guest list. Everywhere in NYC will be outrageous in price but you will learn how to avoid those looney vendors. Some things i have learned is to just not say the word wedding, the first time you meet with anyone, say its a vow renewal, because once they hear wedding they see $$$$$ signs. lol just get quotes for your cake and flowers and compare them from the wedding quotes and you will see what i am talking about there is like a huge hundreds of dollars difference. Hope this helps!

Nicole, congratulations on your engagement! How about you take the hassle out of it all and check out someone who designs custom wedding invitations and favors like Astrid Mueller? http://www.astridmuellerexclusive.com/ Shoot her an email at astrid@astridmueller.com

I am a little late her but for your honeymoon: We had the most amazing honeymoon. We started in Venice, then took the train to Florence, spent a few days there, then to the Cinque Terre (we stayed in La Spezia) where we went hiking and eating and swimming, then by train to Nice and after a few days there, home. It was the best trip of my life and I have traveled a lot. Anyway - good luck with your wedding. Can't wait to see pictures, I am sure it will be amazing!

We haven't set the exact date yet but we're hoping for next spring, 2015. That sounds like a dream trip for me - I just have to get Ali on board!! I've never been to Sweden, Denmark, or Finland and think I would love it all so much.

I'm honestly so incapable of lying that I don't think I'd be able to do that! Plus, it would literally take 2 seconds on google to reveal the truth about the fact that this is, indeed, a wedding. It is absurd how many vendors use it as an opportunity to drive up their pricing, though!

Two weeks. We went in June and the weather was perfect. La Spezia is not the cutest town (it doesn't have a beach even though it's by the sea) but it's a lot cheaper than staying in one of the villages of Cinque Terre and it's right next to the villages, 5 minutes on the train.

Haha, it hasn't been that long and I'm trying not to be all OMG I'M GETTING MARRIEDDDDDD LOOK AT MY RINGGGG on every social media platform/my life in general, so it could have been very easy to miss :)

How exciting for your mom and her partner!! I'm really hoping I can launch something amazing, inclusive, and LGBT-centered with the wealth of wedding knowledge I'm accumulating in this process. It's the right time for it to happen.

Oh Hitha, I could not agree more. It's been so important to designate specific times to discuss inspiration, details, logistics, etc - and not let it overrun our lives. I think, for the most part, that we've done a pretty good job of staying focused and enjoying our time together. It helps that we also have a really clear vision of what we want!

Yes!! I think a LOT of our physical decorations will be coming from etsy, including our invitations. We're also working with local, small business for our other vendors - and it feels really nice to work directly with the community - especially since we can support other LGBT businesses.

It's really so isolating, but so nice to have spaces online to discuss the frustration! Legalized unions is just one small (important) step, but we have suuuuuch a long way to go. I'll be sure to include Saint Harridan and Tomboy Tailors in future pieces! Maybe Ali can do some guest posts on suiting :)

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