Barack, you didn’t blow up my celly

The Obama plan to text-message his BFFs his choice of running mate is a bit of a flat souffle this morning. If you got the news from that text message, you were the last to know. Hate when that happens!

Of course, the Obama folks got to collect all those addresses — great for them — but it’s kind of lame when your insomniac grandmother gets the news on her rabbit-ears TV before you do on your iPhone. Especially when Grandma sends you that “Sux 2b U” text at midnight.

But did you really expect it to be that really tall beach volleyball guy? The smart money, I thought, was on Michael Phelps, because he would bring in the amphibian vote. It was pretty clear it wouldn’t be Shawn Johnson, on account of Hillary Clinton’s clear ability to outdo her on the uneven parallels.

1. I’m voting Democrat because an inexperienced US Senator gives great speeches that make me feel good.

2. I’m voting Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

3. I’m voting Democrat because I believe oil companies’ profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn’t.

4. I’m voting Democrat because I believe three or four elitist liberals need to rewrite the Constitution through judicial fiat every few days to suit some idealists who would otherwise NEVER get their agendas past the voters.

5. I’m voting Democrat because I don’t want a stimulus check to spend. Let the government spend it for me.

6. I’m voting Democrat because freedom of speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.

7. I’m voting Democrat because I believe that business should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the employees (after taxes).

8. I’m voting Democrat because I’m not concerned about the slaughter of millions of babies so long as we keep all death row inmates alive.

9. I’m voting Democrat because I believe that churches should only be allowed for political speeches.

10. I’m voting Democrat because I don’t want Doctors who were at the top of their classes to operate on me. I want a government employee who makes $50k a year and couldn’t hack it as a contractor or an engineer doing my surgery.

11. I’m voting Democrat because I believe that paying $4.00 a gallon or more is no reason to drill for the mountain of oil we are sitting on in THIS country.

We wouldn’t want to have to move a couple of polar bears now would we?

12. I’m voting Democrat because when we pull out of Iraq , I trust that the bad guys will stop what they’re doing because they now think we’re good people.

13. I’m voting Democrat because I like it when planes fly into buildings full of civilians. I want to see more of that.

14. I’m voting Democrat because I believe that when the terrorists don’t have to hide from us over there, when they come over here I don’t want to have any guns in the house to fight them off with.

15. I’m voting Democrat because I don’t want to eat poison food and drink infected water. We all know Republicans love that stuff.

(Ever wonder why the most left wing country in the world ( China ) is the most polluted?)

16. I’m voting Democrat because I believe that people who can’t tell us if it will rain on Friday CAN tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don’t start driving a Prius.

17. I’m voting Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want. I’m going to marry my TV.

18. I’m voting Democrat because I REALLY believe there is no bias in the media.