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Oscars: Protest this!

At the Oscars, it’s a time-honored tradition that political statements are made, and then a big fuss is made over it. This year, with the president in mind, Oscar-watchers are practically salivating at the thought of it. Typically these speeches have a leftward lean, which I find a little ironic given that historically — and despite conventional wisdom — Hollywood has in fact been a bulwark of conservatism, as its union-busting CEOs, McCarthy-era blacklists, embrace of the likes of Stephen Bannon and cozy relationship with the Department of Defense can attest.

I’m all in favor of people speaking their minds, though, especially when it adds a little spontaneity to what has become an over-rehearsed, overlong, self-congratulatory spectacle that almost always gets it wrong when it comes to the awards themselves.

Of course nobody will attack the politics of the Oscars themselves, though, especially now that the ceremony’s black eye over the OscarsSoWhite issue has been resolved, with six of the 20 acting nominees, and one directing nominee, this year being African-American. Academy President Cheryl Boone Isaacs’ solution, to bring more diversity into the membership, certainly helped; but I believe the superior quality of black-oriented films this year would have done the job organically. No doubt worthy African-American candidates were overlooked in prior years, but hey, when the studios’ idea of a successful black movie is something starring Kevin Hart or Tyler Perry, sorry, but don’t expect nominations, guys.

Anyway, here are a few suggestions for the 2017 class of protesters:

Oscar fashions. It’s gotten to the point that what nominees and presenters wear has overshadowed the quality of the movies. And it’s hard enough for women to make it in Hollywood. Why should they face this extra hurdle, running a paparazzi gantlet and then being judged not on their performance, but on what they wear? Isn’t this the definition of superficial?

The production numbers. Thankfully, Billy Crystal has retired as Oscar host, at least until they ask him again, so we don’t have to sit through his self-aggrandizing montages, inserting himself and his meh gags into clips from the nominated films. But every year, the cheesy dance routines, the summer-stock interpretations of the nominated songs and such not only add length to an already overinflated spectacle, but mostly have nothing — nothing — to do with the art of motion pictures. It’s just bad TV. Which we have enough of, thanks.

TV hosts. To the planners, it probably makes sense to have Jimmy Kimmel, or Ellen DeGeneres, or Johnny Carson, or (ouch!) David Letterman, someone intimately familiar with the medium of TV, up front keeping things moving along. Except that things never move along. So with all that glamour and talent available right in the neighborhood, why not make use of those movie stars and have them host? Unless they don’t want to degrade themselves by being associated with such mediocrity.

Presenters. Again, I know it’s TV, and ratings and such matter to the networks. But c’mon; Dwayne Johnson?! Yes, in the age of Trump, this is our highest-paid movie star. Seriously, for him to even be present at the Oscars is an insult to everything it presumably stands for. Also slated: another Johnson, Dakota, and Jamie Dornan, the stars of the “50 Shades” movies, among the most critically drubbed pictures of our time; Chris Evans, star of one boilerplate Marvel movie after another and another and another; Kate McKinnon, famous for “Saturday Night Live” and her awful Hillary Clinton impersonation. Oh, I get it: We’re here to honor the best in film, and the worst, at the same time!

Tributes. Again, time-hogging and unnecessary. The roll call of deceased filmmakers is no problem, even though Turner Classic Movies does it far better, and the applause for some of the dead, but none for others, is uncomfortable and detracts from the idea of honoring them in the first place. The nadir was the tribute to “The Breakfast Club” in 2010, with cast members trotted out to just stand there, as though they were waxworks at Madame Tussauds, or the stars of a movie that was actually good. What’s next? Can’t wait to see the tribute to Adam Sandler and his crew.

Cutoffs. Winners are under the gun to deliver their acceptance speeches in under 45 seconds — even if there’s more than one winner. Then music rudely interrupts, or the mics are shut off. Unless it’s Leonardo Di Caprio. How about this: Cut just one production number or tribute, and there’ll be ample time to truly honor all the winners, by letting them express their gratitude to the Academy. This is the experience of a lifetime for them, and often produces some of the most genuine emotion of the evening. If they need 70 or 80 seconds, for crying out loud, let ’em have it.