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3. Three Courses of action:3.1 Run out of the office bawling and screaming "I can't take this shit anymore" then run onto the nearest train line and wait3.2 Sit here, take up to 10 deep breaths, mindfully type my distress levels down to a 3, letting the distressing thoughts gently pass out of my mind when they appear (including suicide), and remind myself that only a week ago I was feeling good, quite good. See if I can get then keep my distress levels back down to a 3 (they're currently about 8-9) whilst working mindfully.3.3 Cry until something happens/changes

4. Best for now is 3.2 although 3.1 and 3.3 are seriously tempting3.3

5. Ok - I need to write to get these levels down. Just something tangible to focus on while I'm not letting the negative thoughts pervade my mind. What's happened isn't the end of the world and needn't be the end of my life. I am ok, and am good person, I do possess true beauty despite all the problems, I can be strong, I can do it, I have made that decision before and can make it right now and do it. My body feels like there's a poison running through my veins, in my arms particularly. I can feel a weakness slowly passing over me, it's letting go of the resistance to calm. It's letting go of the chaos. I can feel myself calming, the music in the background is bringing the tension back - having trouble focusing. I can focus. I can be calm. Deep breath. Placebo - your guitars grate against me, although your melody's quite sweet. Angst in the music resonating with that inside me Let the music pass. I need to work, I am calming, I am calming. I can concentrate - write down the things I have trouble focusing on. Only 95 minutes lef til I can go. Mark - let him go, peoplke, my friends, my enemies they are not, alone. It's ok. I can be alone. See my T - see if I can see my T. Drink T, do that work, write it down. Breathe...change the music, done - much better - reminds me of Thailand. Down to a 3. Work

Speaking for myself, I get those kinds of fleeting thoughts on a pretty regular basis - at least weekly. For the most part, they're just that: fleeting thoughts rather than full-fledged, highly-emotional out-and-out depression and sobbing.

Maybe you could bring this to the top of your radar over the next couple of weeks to see if it's more common than you might otherwise think at first blush. Part of that mindfulness thing, I think.