A well intentioned rant about the current state of Advertising, with particular emphasis on Big Dumb Agencies (BDA's) Because, no matter how bad you think it is, it's actually a great deal worse!
"Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill pail." George Orwell.

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Oh yes…More bad news on the IoT (Internet of Turds) front yesterday… “Wearable’s deliver disappointing results.” It would seem that wearable’s are performing poorly. “Cos not many people want three hundred dollar socks that tell them what time it is when they can buy a Rolex fake on Canal Street for twenty bucks. And, speaking of time... smart watches aren’t doing too well either, perhaps because your smart watch is a dumb watch unless you have it connected to your smart phone. Fuck, all this bullshit is making my eyes smart. Gotta go, I’m expecting a drone to deliver my fireworks order down the chimney… Oh wait a minute, did I put the fire out?

When it comes to the financial world, I know next to nothing… Correction, I know fuck all. But, as I have said so many times, I think the people on Wall Street know even less. Take Uber, for instance, valued at more than $70 billion, it is losing money faster than the Titanic went down. It is expected to show a loss of nearly $3 billion for 2016. Yes, I know that Amazon didn’t show a profit for more than ten years, but the potential was always there for business expansion… And Bezos is a fucking genius. Along with other vastly over valued start ups… I would bet on investors in Uber not seeing much return for years. But still, what the fuck do I know?

AdWeek tells us that Kevin “I always wear black” Roberts blames his sexual remarks of a few months ago on “fatigue.” See, that’s what happens when you fly around the world in first class, staying at five star hotels whilst attending Rugby tournaments. And all that Beluga and Dom Perignon can really fuck up your digestive system. It’s tough at the top.

Two Republican members of the Federal Communications Commission have vowed to scrap net neutrality as soon as possible. And even while the rules remain in effect, the GOP commissioners apparently have no intention of fully policing them. Ajit Pai and Michael O'Rielly said as much in a letter sent to five industry trade groups. Groups that had urged the FCC to permanently exempt small ISPs from a net neutrality rule requiring providers to transparently inform subscribers about broadband policies, including prices, speeds, surcharges, data caps and network management practices. This means that pretty soon you can look forward to getting royally screwed by your ISP. It only seems like yesterday that de-regulating the telecom industry would lower prices by encouraging competition. How did that work out for you?

It seems like every day that we read of yet another media scam generating millions of dollars a day flogging fake media time for video ads. This time a bunch of “Ruskie” hackers are believed to be behind the attack, which created more than half a million fake users and 250,000 fake Web sites. Bots, mimicking human behavior duped fucktard advertisers into paying for impressions never seen by humans. Those bots hit publishers includingThe Huffington Post, The Economist, Fortune, ESPN, Vogueand social media platforms like Facebook. Thereby proving digital will eventually be the death of advertising. Serves the fuckers right!

It is an indisputable fact that people who take “selfies” are douchenozzles. Now they can turn their cats into feline douchenozzles. Yes, now there’s an app that allows your cat to take “selfies.” Don’t bother asking your cat if it wants to take “selfies.” Cats are smart, they would tell you to fuck off, then shit on the carpet. And if you care about this shit… The app uses facial recognition technology of cats. It's also an indisputable fact that the world is going insane!

Nike reported better-than-expected quarterly revenue and profit, and indicated a rebound in its basketball category. This means mega-sales to teen idiots of size 15, Gold lame sneakers for several hundred dollars a pair. This also means that Wieden + Kennedy, Portland will be churning out all those carbon copy spots of court legends,, past and present, slam dunking the same boring fucking slam dunks. Talk about easy money. But, like I said, once Phil Knight goes to that great Bangladeshi sneaker factory in the clouds… It’s over guys!

With the news today that Goodby Silverstein and Partners has just picked up the Chrysler account, I am led to think that perhaps this business is not totally, abysmally fucked up. As AdScamers well know, I am a huge admirer of GS+P. No one has done such sterling work for so long, particularly when it comes to the unfailingly difficult auto section. They got mercilessly mauled with the creation of GM’s “Commonwealth,” ensuring however, that no employees suffered because of it. Now they get a chance to demonstrate that in spite of the Neanderthal dealer networks, it is possible to create work that respects the consumer’s intelligence. I look forward to the ball busting results.

As you know, I love to take the piss out of the IoT (Internet of Turds.) That being the one which allows your fridge to order milk ‘cos you’re too fucking stupid to realize you are getting to the end of the bottle when you do your morning corn flakes. Now ZuckerNozzle has come up with the ultimate “must-have” in your totally connected home. He is working on “A-I Powered T Shirt Guns.” Yes, now your wardrobe will shoot grey T-Shirts at you in the morning, so you won’t have to wrack your brains deciding which grey T-Shirt you should wear today. Obviously, all that money has curdled his fucking brains.

In case you missed my post of yesterday concerning the evil practices of BDA’s and their evil BDHC’s who are being subpoenaed by the Department of Justice ‘cos of their bid-rigging practices. I pointed out that so far the Feds have issued subpoenas to Interpublic, Publicis and Omnicom. I further pointed out that a WPP spokesman declined to comment when asked if the holding company had been subpoenaed. Which obviously means they have. Guess what? Today the other shoe dropped and three WPP companies have been nailed. The Poisoned Dwarf said…