You might be cute sitting there, but someday our roles will be reversed. You'll be picking up after me. I'll be the one disappearing when your back is turned. I'll unleash death in my diaper. Try changing me when I become the Wiggle Worm!!! Oh yes, victory will be mine.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Yesterday marked Babydog's very, very, first bad fall. You can say over his brief 15 months he has been gifted. Every time he's fallen, wobbled, or tripped, he's narrowly missed the corners of a tables, sides of a doorways, chairs, tacks, fire pits, you name it. Plummeting from a staircase, or being knocked down by dogs, cats, strollers, and people he's come away with nothing more than a scratch. Well not yesterday.

He was going for a walk with Catdoggg on the sidewalk. If you go to the left the sidewalk slants down, to the right it levels off. They went left. Babydog dictates where he goes most of the time. Sometimes when he gets going he can't hold his balance. This is especially true when he is running on a sidewalk that is slanted downward.

Lets just say I was upstairs getting ready for work and I heard him screaming. When the screaming continued I knew something was wrong. My poor boy came into the house with a mouthful of blood. He cut his top gum along with his bottom gum. He's got a big old fat lip and a nasty cut under his bottom lip. Poor little guy. He looks like he had a botched surgery. He also looks like he had collagen put into his lips.

My little guy. *sniff* *sniff* I felt so bad for him. I know how happy he is especially when he gets to go for a walk. From happy to sad in an instant. I know it's going to happen, but I guess the first time I saw my little guy hurt kind of devastated me a bit. He's good though today. Looks like he got in a bar brawl now.

After it happened and everything was ok, do you know what the first thing I said was?

Friday, June 08, 2007

It was a chilly morning. The clouds slightly covered the sun. The wind gently flowed through the air leaving behind a scent of new promise. It was like any other morning. Fresh and free of chaos, but something was wrong. It was quiet. Almost too quiet.

and then it happened...

I heard my son, but something didn't seem right. I opened the door to Babydogs room to see what I had feared most.

St. Valentine's Day Massacre, Laaaaaaaame!

The Boston Massacre, Booooring! Nothing could compete with this.

At the back end of the crib was Babydog. He was sitting up letting out a small cry. I looked at him. It was as if he'd seen a ghost. A murdering ghost. I turned and looked to see what he was focusing on. It was everywhere! Slaughtered. On the floor, on the mattress, the railings, toys, himself. CSI could have had a field day in here. Fingerprints where embedded on the rails. DNA was a plenty. No doubt about it son. You're guilty!

In a fit of rage or just a simple exploration. Babydog decided to murder/explore his diaper. Now this wouldn't be so bad, but the diaper was fully loaded with POO!!!!!

Yes! My son played with his poo like a wild monkey would. I'm just glad I wasn't there because I have a feeling that some would have landed on me.

The little bugger took his pants off and then took his diaper off. Hey why not! There was even pee and poo on one of his books under the crib. It was like he stood up and peed out the side and threw a little poo on for spice. It reminded me of playing with playdough. He did however throw his diaper into his laundry basket. So I give him an A for effort in clean up.

He was covered though. Head to toe in poo. I didn't know what to do. I was shocked. And you know as well as I do that he had eaten some. Everything goes in his mouth, so there is no way for me not to expect he ate poo.

I didn't know he had some German in him.

I'm just hoping this doesn't turn into a regular event because I might need to make a call for The Wolf next time.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

So yesterday we went to visit my friend Wee-Man to get Catdoggg some new eyeglasses. She stepped on her frames and needed to get new ones. He's got the hook up so it's beneficial for all of us to visit him. Can't go wrong with 50% off.

I'll have to meet him later and hold my ankles, but hey that's the price you pay for getting the discount.

This was the first time he actually was able to meet Babydog. Considering they are almost the same height already, Wee-Man was intimidated right away. I usually make the vertically challenged jokes, but there were two girls in the office who kept burning him the whole time we were there. Rather funny, but I was upset because that's my job.

One girl had said something and Wee-Man...

Quick background on Wee. I met him smoking butts during break from an acting class years and years ago. He was the only other white dude I knew that smoked Newports. We had similar upbringings and what not so we hit it off immediately. Honestly if he wasn't so short he could be my brother. People say we share the same brain. Not like thats a good thing.

He's very quick on his feet. Very funny. He has that gift. After countless years of acting together, Movies, Screenplays, Naked Twister, Nude Powerlifting, having a baby and an almost move to LA we've haven't been able to spend much time together recently. I sort of put my acting on hold and he's still working the biz, but we're still buds and when we see each other we just roll right into it again like we saw each other yesterday.

Oh, and he got his nickname Wee-Man for being short, but for also running down a bowling lane and diving toward the pins. He bounced off his face three times and only knocked down the first 4 pins. He then took out his one arm that wasn't caught under him and knocked the rest down as the machine came down on him. He got up and fell about 5 times before I came to grab him half way. His lip was busted open and he started spitting blood on the walls laughing the whole time. I remember I was standing there talking to our friend "Harry Pothead" and made some comment to Wee about how funny it would be to see him roll himself down the lane. All of a sudden we felt this breeze go by us and the rest is history. Oh and when we went to pay the front desk, the manager leaned over to us and said, "By the way, we saw your friend bowl himself down the lane. We have it on tape. We all laughed our ass's off." We still haven't been able to get a copy.

Well, she busted on him and within a tenth of a second he responded with, "I loved you in the Wizard of Oz. Tell me, How long did it take them to paint you green again?"

I lost it. Needless to say she didn't say a word later.

Then there was this other girl that worked there. You could tell she was nuts. Wild! Piercings, Tats and her name was Summer. Yea, her parents set her up! She is definitely a dirty girl. Type that likes to be peed on. I asked Wee real quick with our secret look and he said he'd tell me later. So I know my instincts were right on.

Regardless she was enamored with our son. Loved him. Loved him so much that I think she was ignoring customers as she played and chased Babydog around.

As some of you know, we have been teaching Babydog sign language and it has really paid off. He always understood it but recently he's actually been able to sign some things perfectly and with the right context. Saves us from those temper tantrums.

So he was up to something he shouldn't have or I thanked him and gave a sign. Next thing I know we are all talking about it. Wee-Man's sister is having an alien soon so he brought up the fact that she was going to do it. Well, Summer was sitting there and said, "I'll teach him some sign language." With a devilish look on her urine stained face. I immediately said I don't wanna see them. Part of me did though.

He called me later and we talked briefly and asked if I saw what the sign she wanted to teach him was. I didn't. Anyone wanna take a guess???

I'm ThePapaDog, The head dog in charge. With the Catdoggg and the best 30 seconds of her life I helped create the Babydog. My life has flipped upside down. I now have responsibilities and more importantly, I have to set a good example. UGH!!! So read along and feel free to throw me a bone everyonce in a while.