'Nothings need to be heard'

Peyton Goddard’s severe autism left her voiceless until she was 22. “I Am Intelligent” is her memoir, co-authored with her mother, Dianne. They live in San Diego.

The book is a harrowing tale of a child locked in her own body, frustrated at her inability to communicate, and her parents’ relentless efforts to help her.

April is Autism Awareness Month. Federal health officials now estimate that 1 in 88 children is affected by autism, a number that’s been growing in recent years.

Dianne Goddard answered questions by email.

Q: Why did you write this book?

A: In spite of early therapies and my own constant tutoring, Peyton lost speech and bodily control at an early age, and the “experts” declared her mentally retarded. Eventually, she was pushed out of public schools and into restrictive schools for people with special needs, where she was often secluded and grew increasingly despondent.

Finally we took her to try facilitated communication, a supported typing strategy that has helped some people with autism communicate via keyboard. I honestly did not know what to expect, but she astounded us all in her very first session by typing the words “I AM INTLGENT.” I was overwhelmed. It was a breakthrough that changed our lives, especially Peyton’s.

One of the first things she told us was “I want a real education,” and after four years of hard work, she graduated valedictorian from Cuyamaca College. She also faced the task of telling us about the years of abuse she suffered at the hands of two relatives as well as several staff members at her schools.

It was Peyton’s urgent request to write this book because, as she says, “Personally, I saw a life I’ll never teach as acceptable for any human being.” She and I wrote it together so that readers could see the dual (and often conflicting) perspectives of a mother struggling to cure her daughter and a daughter growing up feeling broken and worthless.

Q: What do you hope people get out of reading it?

A: We believe her story is for everyone. Before Peyton was born, I never knew anyone with special needs since these people are often segregated from the rest of society, as Peyton was. The book allows readers to see the world through her eyes, allowing them to understand what it is like to be different in this society.

As challenging as her neurological differences are, she says her greatest devastation came from the way she was treated by others — not just the monstrous abuse she suffered, but also the countless people who pitied her or, worse, regarded her as less than fully human. Peyton writes in her unique poetic voice, “Weeds grew wherever I was pitied. Understaters utter I’m no one. I’m broken, moldy bread, throwaway trash, great leper. Now I know I’m a voice of never-heard voices. Nothings need to be heard.”

Q: During the darkest moments of your journey, what kept you going?

A: As a parent, hearing Peyton tell us, years after the fact, of her sexual abuse was horrific. And for Peyton, the greatest hurdle she faced was trying to heal from this and somehow piece together her self-worth. She implored us, “Please do not go to revenge. I need you to help me heal.”

Q: What lessons are there in your story for parents of children who have autism?

A: Peyton has become an advocate for full inclusion of children with disabilities in our education system and society. She has been invited to deliver nearly 100 presentations to community groups, conferences and universities. What you will hear about autism from Peyton is radically different from what those without autism have to say.

Our culture is so focused on causes, cures and treatments that we often overlook the fact that millions of people with autism — adults and children — lack respectful support and are suffering segregation and abuse. Instead of perceiving autism as a disease to be cured, she asks us to view it as “a brain wired differently.”

Parenting a child with autism is intense. Early interventions and therapies are essential to help children in areas that are challenging for them. However, if the goal of therapies becomes to “fix” children, we are negating who they are, thereby confirming their brokenness. I wasted years on testing and behavioral therapies with the goal of making my daughter “normal.” Today I embrace Peyton for who she is. Diversity will always be part of the human experience. As Peyton says, “fear it we should not.”

Q: Why do you think the number of autism cases is increasing?

A: There is disagreement as to whether the number of cases is increasing or whether diagnosis is simply more accurate. Regardless, Peyton’s goal is to spare other children her fate by helping us to accept and support all children today even as we search for answers that may help children tomorrow. To quote Peyton, “I am wasted more by your ignorance of me than by my own neurology.”

Q: What does Peyton hope to accomplish next?

A: Peyton’s motto is “Treasure all because great is each.” We have a lot to learn about autism from the people who have it. It is important to listen to the emerging voices of autism self-advocates, whether they speak or type, to better understand how to support our friends, family and loved ones. Peyton’s book allows us to hear the voice of an autistic person, the real authority on autism.