Yesterday, the Pirates called up the Frozen Tundra, Andrew Lambo. The Pirates should trade Lambo to Milwaukee (Green Bay) for Yovani Gallardo (arrr!). Or give Andrew a whistle and call him Coach Lambo-ardi. If you’re confused by any of this, you’re not alone. Rudy came up with the title and then spent twenty minutes on IM explaining it’s football stuff and most people would get it. Only a real man rocks a mustache and knows what a ronde jambe is but not a Lambeau leap. (If football is your bag, there’s our fantasy football section of hazarai.) Lambo’s worth discussing because he has big time power — 31 homers in the minors this year. Lambo mercy, you’re so power thirsty. He used to be a top prospect in the Dodgers’ farm system, but was suspended in 2010 due to taking hits from the bong, then never really got started in 2011. His playing time with the Pirates is debatable at this point — he’ll play; no, he won’t, yes, he will, less filling! At worst, the Pirates should play him against all righties. He’s 25 years old, so his upside is limited, but he could be like a Ryan Ludwick-type. I’d definitely take the flyer in just about any league where you need power, and especially in deep-ish keeper leagues. Wouldn’t surprise me at all to see him pull a Han Solo and cement himself into the lineup. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Neftali Feliz – Shut down with triceps discomfort. This is the first sighting in Texas of a Tricepsasaurus since a flood wiped them away two thousand years ago.

Yu Darvish – 8 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 15 Ks. He should’ve probably been the lede, but, as someone whose English isn’t very good might say, how many times can I spew my man love all over Yu? Forget George Clooney, Darvish is the sexiest man alive. There’s a ten page spread about Yu in my magazine that is titled, “No One Really Buys Magazines Anymore But This One You Want To Own Because It’s Fifteen Pages Long With Ten Pages Dedicated to Darvish And Five Pages Dedicated To The Magazine’s Title.” Darvish will probably be drafted in the top 20 next year, maybe top 15, and I can’t say I disagree, even if I won’t be one drafting him there. Bee tee dubya, he has 207 Ks and it’s August 13th!

Jason Castro – Out for the 2nd straight game with a sore hip. I blame myself for polluting his womb. He was fine, until I dropped Salvador Perez for Castro. Next thing you know, Castro’s gonna need two weeks to go help his niece with her back-to-school clothes shopping. (On a side note, I Googled “jason castro hip” — I don’t mess with caps in Google! — and it turns out there was an American Idol contestant, Jason Castro, who is doing hip-hop. In about forty years, for every name you Google, there will be an American Idol contestant.)

Brett Oberholtzer – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks. The Astros are going with a six-man rotation, which surprises me, I didn’t know they had six starters. Brett gets the Angels in Nowhere Near Los Angeles Anaheim next time out. Can Oberholtzer continue his success? Girls said yes, but Grey says no…Remote control!

Coco Crisp – Day-to-day with a sore wrist. Hopefully, he’s entertaining everyone on the bench with his inspired line readings, because we love Crisp, in glove or not.

Dan Straily – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks. This was the first time he got out of the fifth inning in his last three starts, which is to say he hasn’t been good. He gets the Indians at home next, which isn’t an awful start, but I’d be careful, Straily can go either way at this point.

Krispie Young – 1-for-4 and a solo homer with Krispie replacing Crisp, as the Colonel intended it.

Colby Rasmus – Missed yesterday’s game due to a tweaked abdominal. Too much working out and now he has a sick pack.

Wesley Wright – Rays acquired him for cash considerations. In other words, the Rays considered giving the Astros money and decided against it.

Roy Halladay – Will start his rehab assignment on Thursday and could return when rosters expand in September. Whatevs. I’m not bothering to stash him anywhere. In most leagues, what you could get from him is replaceable with streamers. Stream-o-Nator, “Damn skippy!”

Cole Hamels – 9 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks, throwing 123 pitches and only gave up the one run in the ninth because the Phillies are obviously petrified of Papelbon. Charlie Manuel said, “You can’t decorate your floor with sawdust and not get some wood shavings in your socks.”

Cody Asche – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and a slam (2) and legs (1). Been really impressed with what I’ve seen so far from this guy, and will put him on the short list of late round corner men I’ll be looking at. For now, I’d definitely consider him in deep mixed leagues.

Michael Cuddyer – Missed his 2nd straight game with an illness. Don’t worry, Cuddyer will be Cudbetter soon.

Dexter Fowler – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs. Meant to mention this the other day, but while I’m thinking of it. I saw Fowler get picked off easily the other day. He has 17 steals on the year, but he has 35 steal speed, so something’s off. I think I’ve figured out, his head’s not in the game.

Aaron Hill – 2-for-4 and his 8th homer and 3rd homer in as many games. Oh, boy, he’s about to hit 12 homers the rest of the way and end the season with 20, isn’t he? I’ll be a handsome man! (That’s the phrase, right? Yeah, it is.)

Adam Eaton – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer, hitting close to .400 in the last week. Worth a look in all leagues to see if he can make good on some of that upside he hinted at in the preseason.

Matt Wieters – 1-for-3 and his 16th homer as he bats .236. We’ll see your fantasy value again in six games!

Jenrry Mejia – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks. Actually, pitched even better than his line indicates, but I’m concerned about his forearm that will need surgery in the offseason. With that said (yup, the reversal), he goes to Petco next.

Omar Infante – 0-for-2 as he was activated from the DL. Speaking of infants, I bought a friend a pacifier. Well, I bought the friend’s baby one. Anyway, the pacifier has a mustache, which is, obviously awesome. Got me thinking, there should be a cigarette pacifier, then I Googled it and there was. Then I Googled, “bong pacifier” — yup, there too. There’s mob pacifiers, ‘boob’ pacifiers, hillbilly teeth pacifiers… Basically, anything you could want. Are pacifiers the new yuppie baby accessory? Do parents get together and compare wacky pacifiers? I got questions, y’all!

Miguel Cabrera – 2-for-3 and his 37th homer. Now has five homers in the last six games. Yawn. Win another Triple Crown or don’t speak to me!

Chris Sale – 9 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks, lowering his ERA to 2.73. We talk a bit about Chris Sale in the podcast that is coming later today. You can hardly wait. No, you!

Paul Maholm – Threw a simulated game and is about two weeks away. The single parent home of Pa-Ma didn’t do much when he was pitching for the Braves earlier this year and I wouldn’t expect much when he returned.

Mark Reynolds – Like the cure for scurvy, tobacco and beaver pelts, Reynolds was released into the world by the Indians. For their trouble, the Indians received some trinkets and small pox.

Danny Salazar – 4 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks. Was pulled early because it was a stressful four innings. At least it was stressful for me. You make the Blue Jays and Tigers look foolish then do this against the Twins?! Ugh. I’m holding him for his next start in O.co, but am less excited about it.

Andrew Albers – 9 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 2 Ks, which comes after his major league debut of 8 1/3 IP, 0 ER. Yeah, he’s in a groove and gets the White Sox next at home, which isn’t a terrible start. A word of caution (okay, a few words). He doesn’t strikeout a whole lot of guys and he got lucky in this start. I saw a few good plays on defense and I only watched five innings. This could’ve easily been a 6 IP, 3 ER game. He’s worth a flyer in some leagues, but I wouldn’t expect the 2nd coming of Max Scherzer. Or simply re-Max.

Brian Dozier – 1-for-4 with his 12th homer, and third this week. The Rise of the Schmohawks hasn’t ended yet for this guy. Don’t think it lasts long, but he’s still a hot schmotato.

Trevor Plouffe – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer. Plouffe goes the dynamite! There’s about a 30% chance he hits a homer again today. Not joking, he usually hits a few when he hits one.

Garrett Richards – 8 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks vs. the Yanks. Now one day Richards can tell his grand kids that he pitched against the 2005 All-Star team.

Jason Vargas – Will be activated to start today. He’s around a 3.75 ERA, 1.30 WHIP guy without great Ks, so he’s pretty marginal in most mixed leagues, or I Can’t Believe He’s Not Better.

Tommy Hanson – Sent to Triple-A to make room for Vargas. Tommy might consider going back to playing a mean pinball.

Hiroki Kuroda – 8 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, lowering his ERA to 2.33. The Ks aren’t really a part of his game, but to go with his ERA he has a 1.02 WHIP in 154 2/3 IP. As the rest of the poseur fantasy two’s fall by the wayside, Kuroda’s a thing of ratio beauty.

Curtis Granderson – 2-for-3 and his 3rd homer, as he hits .237. He only has 59 ABs, but those stats look like a microcosm of a full season from him. Like his whole year is inside a snow globe.

Derek Jeter – Yanks announced that he’s not close to activation. Girardi said, “I think at some point this week you’ll start seeing him do my favorite, tee and toss.” Weird, Jeter’s favorite thing to say to women is, “You get no key,” and toss them.

Alcides Escobar – 2-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI and his 14th steal. In a league where I need steals, I own Alcides. As I said previously, I could see him getting to 25 steals by the end of the year. And that’s me paraphrasing me!

Jarrod Dyson – 1-for-3, 1 run, 1 RBI and his 18th steal, and 2nd in as many games. Could be one of those times of the year when Dyson runs around like a chicken without its head. “I’m the Dyson no-headed chicken, snitches!” That’s what Jarrod says when I stare at his player page picture long enough.

Chris Getz – 3-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI and his 9th steal. When I saw this stealing outburst by the Royals, I went to look at Mike’s stealing column. And it had nothing about any of these Royals, but there’s some other useful info there.

Billy Butler – 2-for-4 and a homer. This was his 11th jack of the season. Thirteen if you count his flapjacks.

Mike Moustakas – Left yesterday’s game with a tight calf. Moustakas with a tight calf could only mean one thing — sorema for everyone!

@Grey: Yeah, had Ortiz also so I moved him to 1b. Moobs was ranked 220something for the season in our league and outside the top 500 in the previous 30 days. Dropped him for BJ Upton after he appeared to be heating up last week.

Depends on needs… the Royals have been hot. The nice thing with JoFer is that he will bring K’s even if he takes a loss. I would look at the rest of your starters and see if you think you need to roll him out. If you have several other choices then I think you can afford to bench him. Otherwise, I would start him (I am starting him in a H2H league).

@Buddah Lovaz: not necessarily true, as i was told to keep mesoraco over ellis/ruiz/castillo and all three of those had better last 8 days than mesoraco did. anyway, as bad as franklin’s been it’s likely grey would say it’s better to have any 2b/ss or whatever pos you’re using franklin at (i have him as backup at 2b/ss, but soon dropping him for miller for same purpose). Yeah, we may soon be real happy we held onto gyorko in deep leagues. (me and people like me) 3 homers,2 doubles not far apart, and back to shrinking the K’s.

12 team h2h league team that i inherited less than 2 weeks ago. My first order of business was shoring up obv needs, but now i have so many holds guys i don’t have any bench bats, and offense is weak on this team. so i dropped fien for belt. I did trade for torii hunter.
1. if i have rasmus and ludwick should i drop either/both for somebody like arcia/calhoun/maxwell?
2. i’m assuming i want arenado and dozier more than alexei ramirez even though he’s been hot as shit? The only thing i don’t need on offense is steals Dozier was picked up by dropping asdrubal a few days ago and arenado plays the IF pos every day.
3. 16 teamer question. Am i right in thinking when eric chavez comes back i’d rather have him than wallace, wallace gets more homers but has a MUCH worse average and chavez had the same amount of runs/rbi’s as wallace over last 30 days even though he had like 30 less at bats. I seem to always miss eric chavez in the deep league, right as he gets hot and i notice it some team either catching up to me or somebody better than me who i very well might face in the playoffs grabs him before me by like 2 or less days.

is it time to consider dyson as a better source as a bench steals guy than rajai? 10 team league where (deep bench, 30 man rosters) raj rides the bench unless i need steals. this spot has also been headley a few times, but he’s terrible. This spot may soon turn into 3rd base backup for machado’s 229 hitting over last 30 day ass. Options there are mostsuckass/freese/asche/chavez (when healthy). also have wright DL’ed (maybe lost for year). If this team wins with fielder having worst year (other than rbi’s) in a long time and wright gone i’ll be very proud. so
1. dyson or raj for steals
2. mostsuckass/freese/asche or chavez (when healthy) at 3rd for machado insurance?
I suppose i’ll make the decision later as to which of these to roster. Or could drop Victorino and get both.

In a 12 team keeper (keep 5) would you want Puig (22nd rd 2 more years) or Yu (8th rd 1 more year)?

I’m working on making a run for the 2nd place bye in the playoffs and Yu is on the last place team and he’s looking for keepers. Wants a package so ill update you with where it goes from here but how you you feel about the backbone of the trade?

Normally I like the longer term guy, but in this case, I think Yu as an 8th is too tempting to pass up. As Grey indicated, Yu will likely be in the top 3-5 pitchers and will go well in advance of the 8th round. Puig to me is still an enigma. He swings at everything and that scares me but hard to deny the results. Still, I would like to see him for a whole season and once he has made it through the league see how he adjusts to the steady diet of junkballs he will see. That combined with the wide availability of quality OF and I would go with the Darvish side.

20 teams. Goldschmidt and Vogelsong for Matt Cain, belt and reed. Assuming you like the Cain side, if I have to swap out Vogelsong for Jacob turner would still like the Cain side? Thanks for your time.

@2 Giant rings: in a vacuum I prefer Goldy…best player in the deal by far…Goldy is a top 20 player with potential for top 10…he’s still in a growth stage…Cain is still a good pitcher…but on lower end of 2nd tier…approaching 3rd tier if he doesn’t continue to perform…lots of innings on that arm…regardless he’s heading out of his prime if he hasn’t already…Goldy could be the top 1b for years to come…top 3 for sure…gets steals too…belt is still belt another year later…upside still…yes…but he gets hurt and his manager doesn’t believe in him…reed is a good closer…but he’s a closer and he’s not Chapman, Kimbrel, or Jansen…if Cain blows his arm who knows?…if Goldy breaks any bones, tears his ACL, gets a severe concussion, etc… he will still maintain most if not all of his value…if u need pitching and have another solid 1B…maybe…but I’d try to get better for Goldy if u can afford to lose him

I am feeling an inappropriate level of happiness in the demise of the Hanson…now that it’s actually over, I feel bad for the ole ginger…not just because gingers won’t be around much longer due to recessivity…not just because pitchers ain’t got no soul (PAGNOS!)…but mostly because…blah blah blah…the point is I’m awesome…plus, I’m pretty awesome!

Depends on the price. I hate to say it, but I would stay away from Mo. Uehara and Nathan will be solid the rest of the season. If you can trade some spare parts, I would look at trading for one of them… would rank 1. Nathan and 2. Uehara 3. Rivera.

@Jon: I would be shoring up any week positions before the playoffs…a closer is a closer…changes happen…there were a few closer changes in September last year…guys will drop a closer to make up ground…SAGNOF right?…reliable starting pitchers do…pick up a guy like de la rosa if u have room…I carry 3 closers most of the time…I’ll pick up a big name (H. Bell) to sell…or a closer on a great team…like Mujica…Benoit…but I don’t lose sleep over the 4th slot… are u weak or lacking at any position? trade deadline pass?

@EK: Tio’s spot on… Astros lead the majors in SOs…Braves are a close second but they have the Upton boys.
and a guy by the name of Dan Uggla…probably would lead the league if BJ and Heyward weren’t always hurt…the Marlins are 19th (in part because no one throws anywhere near the strike zone for Stanton)…good luck

Chase Headly was dropped in a dynasty league. I immediately added him for McCarthy (he was my 8th or 9th SP, we have deep benches, but i maybe will trust him half the time). Am i missing something about chase (with the injury, he still had a decent season, but 20 hr and 10sb looks more real, but that plays at 3rd).

My first issue is too much hitting depth. It is a 12 team league and my infeild is solid already with hosmer, kinsler, machado and andrus. my bench is hardy, kelly johnson, rollins, headly (now) and Bogerats (in the minors). I have shopped hardy and rollins for a while with no one biting. since it is h2h there are days where hardy is better than andrus (if i need power over speed), but rollins has no place. End of the day, should i drop rollins and johnson (likely to stream starters).

The 2nd issue, is if i missed something about chase. HE should not have been dropped in this league

@James: I would hold onto rollins a little longer…drop Johnson and stream…rollins had a solid run at the end of the year last year…he could still get traded to a contender though unlikely (cleared waivers but has no-trade clause and prefers the real-deal philly steak and cheese)…headley is worth picking up and holding and keeping assuming no keeper restrictions and no better keeper players coming up

@AA:
I own him in a H2H 12 teamer that has QS, K and K/9 and am starting him. He will at least get you K’s and wind is blowing in today behind a cold front… Cincy is not too tough on road and has pretty good K potential as Wood showed last nite. Plus Bruuuuuce is not on fire right now.

In my 20 team dynasty league I was offered pence scutaro ervin santana for soler franklin wheeler. I think this is an easy reject right? If so he does have other pieces worth trading for such as jay bruce bourn billy butler to name a few. Would a counter of bruce for wheeler soler franklin worth pursuing?

Is Albers worth taking a flier on by dumping Pestano or Wilhelmson who are taking up bench spots right now? They are keepers for me though… Or possibly dumping Locke, because I sure as shit haven’t been starting him lately?

@CL: I would take fliers on anyone over Pestano and Wilhelmson in that order and sure with Albiers…any prospects available…I would stash any high risk/reward guys over those two…Stephen Pryor is a better long term stash than Pestano or Wilhelmson…both have a chance to return this season…Indians will need bullpen help..Wilhelmson needs to get fixed as well but Farquar could “roll with it baby!” and they aren’t the playoff hunt..is Albiers really your best available option in a dynasty format?…how many keepers?…any restrictions?

We keep our whole team year to year… 25 guys. RPs are gobbled up and if you look at the top 50 RPs and take out the starters that have RP eligibility, yes, Albers is currently best available. This is my staff:

Getting tired of waiting for Headley to come around. I have Bogaerts that i have been holding onto to play third. Would you drop Bogaerts for Asche or Flores? And which of those two do you like better R OS? Or just hang tough with Headley?

Puffing on some Brown Sugar, peaches and Pears with my morning cup….delicious. I passed out super early last night and missed out on the Lamb, but it doesn’t hurt me because the guy that got him has a monster HR lead

@Jack Full O’ Hate: Nothing too special about it, other then how tough it is. It’s been around a couple years with the same general group of guys and one gal. It does have a $50 buy-in. Paulie Allnuts is the commish, he pretty much hand picks the owners. Let him know you’re interested next time he posts an article.

@smegma: I think I would if you’re getting Fielder. Aramis is OLD and won’t be playing every day so that knee gets plenty of rest, so I think you’re basically trading Cuddy for Fielder. If I were that guy I’d rather have Moose at 3B over Aramis. Just my opinion

I have owned Travis Wood since a trade I made back in June in my salary cap league where I wanted to get rid of overpriced, no K’s Medlen. I decided to buy low on Cespedes, so I proposed a trade to a leaguemate which Grey approved as “fair”: Medlen 16$ , Wacha 3$(a sell highright after his 1 good start), and Ian Kennedy 10$ for Cespedes 25$. The money didnt quite add up so the guy says” I will throw in Wood at 3$ to make the money work and you can just drop Wood after the trade if you want.” Wood has ended up being more valuable than Cespedes, Medlen, Kennedy, and Wacha combined based on our player rater which counts QS and K/9. Crazy year…
That being said, I still don’t trust Wood either, especially with that mid 4 xFIP. Watching him makes me nervous. He is good against lefties which is where he mostly gets his K’s. But he terrifies me against righties. He throws cutter after cutter on the inside corner to righties and if he misses by one inch…GONE! I will probably even sit Wood vs STL this weekend as I shudder to think of Wood busting Holliday, Beltran, Craig, Freese, and maybe Molina inside with cutters during August in Wrigley….

What are the chances that Delgado, Cashner, Alex Wood and/or Erasmo get shut down at some point? I’m thinking about my playoff run and I’m already losing Harvey… I could probably survive losing one more guy but not more.

In keeper leagues (16 team, $1 keeper), how serious should owners consider Jonathan Villar? AVG sucks but OBP is o.k. and 11 SBs in 55 ABs… is he the 1:55am beer goggles girl or a potential second-dater?

I needed a win this week or my season is pretty much over (h2h points weekly) opponent has Sale Latos Kuroda and Hamels oh well maybe next year. BTW I’d like to say F U to Ryan Zimmerman, Rizzo and Kemp.

@stynyr: He said yes yesterday. Why would that change now? Because you started thinking about their IP limit? What’s the thought process there? That Grey didn’t consider that the first time? I got psychology questions y’all!

I am in quite the predicament at SS in my 20 team mixed. I am currently starting Jordy Mercer/Josh Harrison, and on the off day recently started Jake Elmore, wtf. Recently, I received a trade offer: my Cespedes for his Swisher and Castro. I would be left with Giancarlo, Holliday, and Junior Lake in the OF. I do have Jeter, and Bourjos on the DL. Is Castro really a significant upgrade from waiver fodder at this point?

I have Nick Franklin at SS. Was doing well for me until about 2 weeks ago when he fell off a cliff. Seems to be picking back up again but I’m in a pretty shallow league and could pick up Stephen Drew, Brian Dozier, or Alexi Ramirez. Thoughts?