Parkinson's
(Disclaimer ...All views expressed here are mine and mine only, so help me lord:) Puns, double entendre, cliches, euphemisms may or may not be intended....that discretion rests solely with the reader depending on their perception...my thots are typed purely as they form in my convoluted brain and spewed forth:)

Friday, October 9, 2015

About three years ago around this time I was preparing for my brain
surgery and so many thoughts ran through my mind....what if I become a
different person emotionally, what if they accidentally go in and
rearrange my brain, that i become dumb or worse still become physically
impaired ... more than Parkinson's already did.... I asked my docs who
would be drilling holes in my head, what if they went in and found
sawdust..(omg) and that as they are digging around in my head could they
please increase my IQ?:))) I figured i should get something
more....cos it's not everyday that one has brain surgery....my docs
assured me i had a brain, said my IQ was high enuf and I came out of the
surgery a bionic woman, complete with electrodes in my head and a
battery pack in my chest powering those electrodes:)

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

As I think back I realise Parkinson's has changed me, some in positive
ways and some in negative ways....It has made me realise that I have an
inner strength I did not know I had, it taught me to adjust and go with
the flow, to look for flowers and beauty instead of stones and
obstacles....to be thankful for the little things...to be honest with my
feelings..no matter what they are....make no mistake it is a chronic
condition with no cure and it starts in your head and pretty soon takes
over your whole body n mind.....it is debilitating, demoralising, takes
your freedom away, makes you dependent for things that most of us take
for granted....some days more difficult than others....yup life
inhibiting for sure

Monday, August 17, 2015

I was a happy go lucky girl
a good person
though rebel a lot i did
arguing with my parents
insisting yes when they said no
but pampered and protected always
staying with them till i found
the man i wanted to make mine

oh dear life things were going smooth
even over troubled waters
little did I know that would be only ripples
in the sea of life

felt the little bump but married my first love
then moved in with my other family from my family'
I spread my cheer and love
and received them back with equal fervour
With little glitches which were smnoothed over

oh dear life things were going smooth
even over troubled waters
little did I know that would be only ripples
in the sea of life

Came over to a new world
leaving family...just my love and me
Excited and nervous and alone
We made our lives here
learning life's lessons along the way
Learning the hard lessons and curves life throws at you
Our perseverance and grit helped us tide over that

oh dear life things were going smooth
even over troubled waters
little did I know that would be only ripples
in the sea of life

Then moved on to the "big" things
Jobs for both of us, working hard and sincere
And once we were cruising along safely
We ventured into the parenthood role
Two wonderful boys later
Life was joy and nervousness and a kind of love
for these two precious bundles we spawned

oh dear life things were going smooth
even over troubled waters
little did I know that would be only ripples
in the sea of life

And just when we were happy travelling
over the bridge over troubled waters
a tsunami sized wave rolled over us
Almost drowning us leaving us gasping and sputtering
A tsunami named Parkinson's

oh dear life things were going smooth
even over troubled waters
little did I know that would be only ripples
in the sea of life

The biggest wave to hit us and we are still
learning to swim, to survive, to persevere
to hope, to rebuild, to recreate
Though things will never be the same
we will survive we will not give up

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

I
have learned that our body on the outside does and does not reflect our
insides,,,the physical vs the emotional, the tangible vs
intangible.....for eg your inner turmoil or inner happiness may not
reflect in the body but may reflect in our eyes.....we chose what we
show to the outside world....once your outside and inside world is in
sync, where you are not afraid of showing your emotions no matter
what....where you are not afraid to be naked, emotionally, that is, only
then maybe we can find inner peace..... ‪#‎Sutapaism‬

5) Turning in the bed - Takes me about 5 minutes and most of the time I am drenched in sweat

6) Getting out of the bed - Most of the time it is roll....drop...squat and pull yourself up

7) Buttoning my own blouse - God forbid if they are small pearl buttons

8) Wearing my jeans standing up - Turns into "Dancing with the Jean"

9) Drinking anything without spilling - I leave tell tale signs of coffee....juice...heck even water

10) Eating without dropping - I have had food flying away before it entered my mouth, dropping food on the floor

11) Freedom - My most cherished thing i have ever had....Need to have someone close by all the time

12) My ability to drive - As I would be a danger to others and myself

13) My confidence - I would rather not do than do

14)
The ability to get out of a chair - majority of the time I feel like my
bottom is glued to the chair....other times I use the slip, slide and
pull method

15) The ability to walk without my feet
velcroed to the floor - I have lost count of the number of times I
tried to put a leg forward before realising it is not moving and
barely saving myself from falling splat on my face

16) Self esteem - My inability to walk to the bathroom to take care of my needs, by myself

17) Unable to control my head from nodding and shaking like an out of control pinging ball

18) Choking and swallowing - Heck I even choke while drinking water

19) My beautiful, sexy voice - my most important loss ...I did on air radio,, podcasts and video, none of which I can do now

20)
Most of it my dopamine cells in my brain - Parkinson's is on a
murdering spree and has killed almost killed 90 percent of the cells

So
I figured the world is not ready for me:) Because if I am so smart and
witty with only 10 percent of my dopamine cells working imagine how it
would be if I was at 100 percent:)

Thursday, July 30, 2015

I guess I am truly special. Parkie loves me a lot....he came into my
when I was only 36.... behaved with me for the first few years and then
started messing with me....7 years into it, in 2011 I had to stop
taking a particular med because of a serious side effect....and I
almost killed myself...withdrawing from that med was apparently as tough
as withdrawing from cocaine.....i was hospitalised for 5 days where I
was on suicide watch....and had a long recovery process during
which the thought of ending it all was regular part of my thots....
finally managed to get out of the darkness.....then mid 2012 the docs
told me that my meds are not working and that brain surgery was my best
option so in Nov 2012 I had my brain surgery.... A surgery that is
life changing and improved quality of life for others....for me... well
no such luck....it has almost been three years and i have not improved,
in fact i have started slurring and am unable to talk....this in a
nutshell my journey and i have not even touched on my mental n emotional
upheaval

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

You know sometimes I wonder where i would be if we did not have the
internet and now the social media where i get to share, make friends,
join groups that have people who understand in a heartbeat what I am
going through with Parkinson's...did not have that in 2004 when i was
diagnosed.....spent a lonely and hellish few years...till i found
blogging and video blogs and then facebook, though i joined PD related
groups only a couple off years ago....Am so glad i did:)

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

I have spent almost eleven years with Parkinson's. Has been an
interesting ride to say the least. Have been to hell and back several
times over, have learnt several life's lessons, have come across some
incredible people and some not so much, have learned to understand my
body and am amazed at the new tricks my body can do like walking
backwards, drunken walk, the stumble and fumble....but the most
important thing I learned is tto try and have a positive attitude and a
great sense of humor.....while this does not cure the condition, it
makes it bearable , cos crying messes you up and laughter is good for
you.....don't know where this journey will take me but hope to do it
with a smile:)))