Hehehehe "and there was yeyness for all as thy mighty warriors returned to there local hobbby store to play a fine game of d&d, and upon that fine game was the finest of fine dungeon masters the world had seen- for he... is KHON"

Fighting with a hangover is not to be recommended, but someone’s go to do it.

Long have I wanted to pay back the vile denizens of the darkness beyond the Great River. Having little aptitude for the arcane arts, I allied with their god, Boccob, and learned the secrets that make me strong. I am armoured (which is more than I can say for most wizards, the fools!) with a coat of rings, and armed with a spiked mace, and cunning is on my side. The borders have been quiet, and I arrived in Northburg unbloodied...

Why Northburg? It is an idle city, home of fools and sissies who know nothing of the horrors beyond the River. What could take me there? A divine urge, a dream half-remembered – Boccob’s eye, wreathed in elemental magics and a weird desire to seek out one druid who lives at times inside the city.
What kind of priest would I be if I denied my Lord? So off I went, till I was dusty and tired, and – finding no druids inside the city (of course) - couldn’t do more than drink and eat and drink again over a few rounds of knuckle bone dice at the Inn. (Gambling is too easy among these aspiring sharps, and I had a clinking pocketful of coin to spend – which I soon made more, teaching the clueless flock the error of their ways while I collected Boccob’s tithe. Fate favours those who fake the odds, as the Good Book says.) I don’t recall exactly what happened later, but I suspect my ale was laced with stronger stuff by some angry fellow, as I found myself waking in the morning being prodded by a druid’s staff wet-through and in a horse trough, with a slightly lighter purse.

And so it begins – Corellon (that’s the druid) had already found a Basterion worshipping paladin (Seobryn), and explained to me that he’d had a vision of Basterion himself calling him to gather heroes. I always wanted to be a hero – probably why I never got on so well at the temple, I’m a bit too decent and kind (they say that like it’s a bad thing in the Church of Boccob the Uncaring) – so naturally, especially given my vision-dream, I accepted, pausing only to get a pint or two of water and a bite of breakfast.
Still munching my bread, we looked for the third person Corellon had been told about, a nomad. The town guard didn’t like the idea of “thieving gypsies” in his town (foolish person – what are any of us but nomads whose camps have become but a little more permanent?). Eventually we found Vargis in an alley behind the armourers’ – a tough guy he was, and versed in arcane arts it seems too.
Strange folk to hang around with – but unusual events are only dancing lessons from the gods, dragging us around their divine stage in a ballet we hardly understand. We had barely convened when a screaming injured woman ran in from the outskirts claiming lizard monsters were burning the town – dying before we got better details, but we didn’t wait for such things! Off we four ran to see what we may – and rank it was. The shining church was running by fire and lizard folk scrambled about shouting in their nasty voices. So battle was on – and the blessings of Boccob were bought by my piety (my Lord drives a ruthless bargain), so we prevailed.

My headache gone (but nausea hardly abated - renewed even, given the smouldering dead around us), we summoned townsfolk to help put out the flames.
Not long after we returned to town, we were met by the Emperor of Phantasia himself, Therion, who awarded us the Badge of Therion and knighted us, taking us to his palace in the city. Here he spoke of a deadly quest – to recover the Crests of Phantasia before the vile forces of darkness get their nasty claws on them.
We can’t say no to that, can we? Certainly not after being knighted and divine visitations and all. So by coach we went towards Riverdeep, the very next day. A bugbear sought to waylay us, but we bested it in seconds, hardly breaking a sweat. A griffon pounced on us, and clawed Corellon down, so I stole a little more of Boccob’s bounty and got him on his feet again, and grappled the feathery foe good and proper. Well, of course, it died then, and we carried on.

I wonder what will happen next! I’d never really noticed before, but you know, while Phantasia is lovely and all, it wasn’t half dull before my god sent me on a divine quest to save the world.

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