Iridescence

Many years ago a good friend gave me a set of Chinese Health Balls, which are metal spheres with a sort of bell inside that you roll around in your hand, and sort of gently juggle them, the aim being to avoid clashing them together and also to massage various meridian points on the hands. They come in assorted sizes and designs, some being plain shiny metal balls, some are exquisitely decorated with cloisonne enamel-work.

My set were fairly plain as they go but they had an iridescent finish to them, like very solid soap bubbles.

“I wasn’t sure at first,” my friend said, “which to get you, but then I saw these ones and thought they were perfect. You have an iridescent aura.”

I guess you can gauge the sort of friends I have by that remark.

I didn’t really think anything more of that comment, except when I play with the balls, until the other day when I was waiting at the deli counter of a local supermarket and the assisant’s perfume was wafting over to me and I commented on it.

“Can I smell White Musk?” I asked.

“Ooh yes,” she said. “That’s all I ever wear for perfume.”

We chatted a bit and I went off to finish the shopping, musing on this and other things. It came to me that I have never been able to settle on a single signature fragrance, and have a “wardrobe” of perfumes, to suit different moods and occasions and I quite simply could not say, this one or that one is my all time favourite. Many women find a fragrance and stick to it, defining themselves by it and even finding conflict if someone else close to them wears the same fragrance. They speak of being “faithful” to Chanel no 5 or some other fragrance, and may never change unless for some reason their favourite ceases to be made.

I recently had to fill in some interview questions and found some of them very diffcult to answer. “What is your favourite colour? What is your favourite thing to eat for breakfast?” It’s never the same and I can’t even pin down one for the sake of brevity.

I think it’s the same for me for so many matters. There is no one answer, now and for all time, for so many questions. I’m in flux, in transit constantly, changing, changing, changing. I suspect this may be why my friend perceived my energy field as being iridescent, that shifting and blending of the colours of the spectrum, moving constantly and never being fixed. If you have ever watched a soap bubble blown by a child, you will see the colours swirl and change and move, right up until a certain point where for one millisecond they become still: and then the bubble pops.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not indecisive at all. But I am changeable in so many ways; my tastes, my choices, my likes and dislikes, my beliefs and my doctrines. I am never truly still and this is a part of my journey. Maybe I will never be still. I don’t know.

Part of the traumatic part of “awakening” is the fact that the journey one begins then has no final end point and for many this becomes too much and they stop searching and looking for more answers. Today, this answer is the right one but will it be tomorrow? Probably not. I find it hard with others who have begun well on their journey and have chosen to reach a point of stasis where they chose to go no further and believe they have reached nirvana(or whatever phrase you chose) and deny that there may be further to go or more to discover. I find it hard not because they have chosen to stop and go no further but rather the condemnation they can so easily show to those who carry on, the condemnation and the distrust and the labelling. It’s quite common among religious faiths to reach a point where you wish to go no further along the road; beyond that point, the dragons are loose and waiting. But instead of accepting that others must go on and seek and even fight those dragons, those who have stopped seek to make demons of those who go on. This is what mystics and visionaries of all faiths have faced for millenia.

I can’t pretend that being the way I am makes me happy. Sometimes it makes me more miserable than anyone who doesn’t know me can imagine. But that said, trying to nail me down and make me stay the same colour, stay in the same place, like the same things, do the same things is about as sensible as trying to trap a bubble floating through the summer air and is likely to have the same effect:

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16 thoughts on “Iridescence”

We are all different and unique and we constantly change. Being static sounds rather boring to me but the change can at times be hard to deal with.
I’d like to think that you know me well enough to understand that I always question things. It is like and endless search for answers that, as you say, may be the answer only for that particular moment…
This has given me further food for thought..

Good.
Yes, I do know that you always question things and this is something that I think will keep our dialogue healthy and developping.
I think the desire to stop things as they are NOW is born of a deep fear of the unknown, of stepping out into the boat and knowing the depths of the ocean below hide untold and undreamed of things, but that only the thin hull of the boat is your only protection.
As I have quoted before “Go, go, go said the bird. Human kind cannot bear very much reality.”
The reality is the deep unplumbed ocean lies beneath us even when we believe ourselves on dry land and safe…

You have a wonderfully way of communicating your thoughts and feelings and expressing yourself in simple, thoughtful, language.

re: “I’m in flux, in transit constantly, changing, changing, changing. I suspect this may be why my friend perceived my energy field as being iridescent, that shifting and blending of the colours of the spectrum, moving constantly and never being fixed. If you have ever watched a soap bubble blown by a child, you will see the colours swirl and change and move, right up until a certain point where for one millisecond they become still: and then the bubble pops. ”

It shows you are dynamic…. and looking at your blog pages this is proven and wonderfully positive and energetic .

I speculate that many of us have had to face ‘dragons’ and fight them off. I have met some of mine and slain them. But who is to say whether others will come? I cannot know. Life stretches out. I just take each day as a new day.

re. “I can’t pretend that being the way I am makes me happy. Sometimes it makes me more miserable than anyone who doesn’t know me can imagine. But that said, trying to nail me down and make me stay the same colour, stay in the same place, like the same things, do the same things is about as sensible as trying to trap a bubble floating through the summer air and is likely to have the same effect >>>>POP!<<<<< ''

I don't know you very well. But I am getting to know you through your writing. You are inspirational. You give me the feeling that I have known you much longer. It's refreshing and energizing to look at your writing and to soak up the richness, the depth of what you say on many different things.
Ok, it's true, I admit – I am a stranger to you, but please accept my sincerity of purpose and know that I have lived long enough to discern talent and quality and the worth of those whom I come into contact with, even if I always start off cautiously in my contacts. Mere words will not convince you of your own worth. But reading what others also say to you I guess you know that you are valued and liked – loved by those who know you closely – and respected.

Did I tell you I love visiting your pages? I want to continue to learn and to develop fresh thoughts about almost everything day by day. I perceive you through your writing and what you give out touches me, reaches me, helps me in my guise as a writer. For this I thank you.

John, your words of great kindness have moved me. Thank you.
Shall I tell you something interesting? Yes, I shall. Virtually none of the people who come here and comment know me in the “real” world beyond the blog-o-sphere. Friends and family don’t visit very often(why should they? lol!) so many of the people whom I interact with have never met me yet. And yet, these are as true friendships as those that form the regular way. I have known some people via the internet for up to ten years and may never actually meet in the flesh. Others i have met and it has been like meeting people I have grown up with.
I am quite a lonely person in many ways, because I think in ways that are outside the common norm, but the loveliness of the internet is that one may find soul friends and kindred spirits who in days gone by one would never have known existed. Praise God that it was invented!!!
take care and thank you!

Viv, I am a person who is, it has been said, no stranger to words and the love of language. I’m still very new here and would like my blog to have more visitors and comments… but I reassure myself that quality (of feedback) is always more important than quantity. In regard to the latter I am blessed to have received quality responses from those who have discovered my blog and you are very much high on this list. Thank you again for what you say when you visit me and, even more important, what you say on your own pages here.

re “I am quite a lonely person in many ways, because I think in ways that are outside the common norm, but the loveliness of the internet is that one may find soul friends and kindred spirits who in days gone by one would never have known existed.”

I am not a lonely person but I seek out and want good conversation, rewarding discussion, rational debate, discourse, involving philosophy-of-mind, but also on day to day topics, and the feeling that I contributed something and also gained something useful, interesting,valued and valuable in return. Quite simply, it is always a two-way thing. We all have something that we can ‘share’, in one way or another and in the doing of this we learn from each other. This sounds idealistic, perhaps even a naive statement, but I continue to believe that it is essentially a worthwhile process and that as we do this we touch other lives in a positive way. We cast our words into this vast virtual sea and each cast sends out ripples. I concur with all you say “soul friends and kindred spirits ” are out there as you have proved (through your own actions) and as you have discovered (through the actions of others).

Very poetic and very funny.
There is a poem in my poetry archive called Here be Dragons if anyone fancies a quest to find it.
I see dragons, very small ones, in the hypngogic gap between sleep and waking and figure they’re usually as surprised to see me as I am to see them.

I believe because you are an artist you will always be striving for perfection, searching for the yet unexploited and never reachng a point of complete satisfaction. Being constantly in transition comes to show that you are a multi-layer personality capable of manifesting yourself in various ways and by various means. To me this is an incredible treasure. I do understand, however, that life may be harsh sometimes to those who are in possession of it.

I believe that self development, enlightenment, and discovery, at least for me, is a life long process and journey. I hope that I will always want to ask the questions, seek the answers, be with the mystery of it all. I am able to focus and see what it is I want to do, but what I want to do is MANY things, not just one or two. I just envisioned an open air market, with sights, sounds and smells, all of which I love to take in, admire, and learn about.

Funny about the fragrance thing. Over the years, I have enjoyed different fragrances at different times in my life; including, lotions and shower gels, not just perfumes or oils. Never just one. However, most recently, for perfumes I have figured out that I only enjoy oils, and the two that I love the most are Patchouli, and Sandlewood; for me, they bring me close to the earth, close to the source, most in touch with who I am and where I come from. I actually recently found a local vendor who makes organic soaps and lotions, and actually has a spearmint/patchouli blend, so I am in heaven!!!!!!!!!

me too, Vanessa.
I recently found a perfume blend which is vanilla and pathchouli and is absolutely glorious; but again not something I would wear every day or to every occasion. The companies I buy perfume from are quite different from the usual ones; the stuff is made from blends of essential oils; I used to get ill if I wore Chanel and the only time I get seasick now is when crossing the Channel for work if I go into the duty free shop and go near the perfume counters. I almost projectile vomitted when an assistant sprayed the air around me as I walked past; I managed to keep it down and was fine five mins later
Sandalwood is an especial favourite of mine too. Do you like vetivert, another earthy and earthing aroma?