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Sunday, September 26, 2010

Even Good Changes can be Hard

Some of you have asked how my new full time job is going. I haven't really posted much about it because I've been so busy, and really, I've been kind of unsure as to how it relates to my happiness project. I mean, this new job definitely brings me a lot of happiness. I love my new colleagues and students, and just feeling like I have a team of folks to learn from and feel connected with each day has been a wonderful change for me. And here's the kicker...I don't have to bring work home every night! That has been a wonderful change, to have my evenings free to focus on my home and family.

But then there's also the change from part-time to full-time work that has brought a lot of guilt for me. I leave for work each day before Flannery wakes up, and get home around dinner time, when there are meals to be made and laundry to be washed and dogs to be fed and baths to be taken. I've been trying to squeeze in some special playtime for us each evening, but it's so different than our long afternoons of walks and crafts back when I worked part-time. Sometimes it feels really silly and even frustrating to be teaching other people's children all day while someone else teaches my child all day.

Sigh.

Anyway, I just keep trying to remember that this summer, we'll have months of leisurely days together, and that I'm a much better mom when we're financially stable than when we're stressed about money.

I read this post over at the Four Flights of Fancy blog yesterday, and it really resonated with me. The writer is another mama who has just started back to full time work. She speaks much more eloquently than I can about the ebb and flow of accepting this new lifestyle. It's hard sometimes.

Not to whine. I fully realize that I am insanely lucky to be able to find a new wonderful job in this ridiculous economy. I'm so thankful to be able to help support my family doing something I wholeheartedly enjoy. But I try to be honest on this blog, so that's where I am right now.

How does your job relate to your own happiness and fulfillment? Do you think if you didn't work, you'd miss it?

(By the way, that cute SLP voice magnet is from CafePress. Neat, huh?)

2 comments:

Sending you lots of love. And while having someone else teach your kid while you teach other kids seems ironic, think of the alternative: Homeschooling. When Flanna turns 16, doesn't run away from home with her biker boyfriend who impregnated her while getting her unmentionables pierced, you'll find it a little less ironic, I hope. ;-)