A friend of mine had the ashes of her grandmother disappear from a service. The funeral director had left it on a bench and went to get a small table to place it on. Someone else came to the chapel and was "upset at seeing ashes abandoned" and picked them up and wandered around with them. Turned out that she has Alzheimer's and meant no harm, but the family was very upset. The guard could have been trying to prevent you further grief. She does not know either party - so she could not have known if everyone was thinking clearly enough to not do something that would cause more grief.

And in the cemetery that my dad is they take things away from niche graves 7 days a week, probably several times a day. you'd not believe what folks leave. (Flowers and such will be left for a while, food stuffs-not so much, as it's really disturbing to visit a loved ones grave and smell rotting meat.)

Toots, you are absolutely right. It's only that I was feeling a tad weak and the urn was very heavy (around 14 pounds) and I was actually trying to avoid an accident by placing it down. It really didn't cross either mine or my mother's mind that anyone would pick it up. Of course, the poor guard could not be expected to be a mind reader and I am grateful to you all for helping me to see the myriad ways this situation could be interpreted.

It is quite likely I'll see the guard again after the All Saints' Day rush, when we plan to visit again. And I am really glad I posted so that I can now do the right thing and be gracious to the guard, who I am sure has enough on her plate. Although I was in the wrong, I feel so much relieved now!

Understandable under the circs, but my guess is all three of them thought they were doing a kindness, in case, since you were distraught, you might have forgotten it. Yes, although I am sure they all considered the circumstances, looking up the guard and apologizing to her would be a very gracious and kind thing to do. It would make her week, and she will always remember you and yours kindly, which is never a bad thing.