There's a fine line between showing your desire for a new dude and suffocating him. We explain how you can strike the right balance.

Although much has been said about how independent young women are today (they outearn their male peers in many big cities, freely indulge in reaching the peak of pleasure solo — you get the idea), clearly there are still some chicks who turn into cling-ons when they're in the throes of a new relationship. The problem, according to psychotherapist Susan Axtell, PsyD, is that "guys are repelled by neediness because it hints at a woman's insecurity."

To be fair, it's normal to feel a little insecure when you first start dating someone because the relationship's status is so up in the air, says Debbie Magids, PhD, coauthor of All the Good Ones Aren't Taken. The trouble arises when you allow that anxiety to seep out. "Asking probing questions about a guy's daily whereabouts and activities are red flags to him. Coming on that strong makes it more likely that you'll trigger his rejection reflex," says relationship expert Gary Stollman, PhD. "Also, getting completely invested too quickly sends the message that you don't have a life of your own."

So what are reasonable expectations when it comes to relying on a new man? Some Cosmo-approved guidelines: In the first month or two, don't plan to see a guy more than twice a week. "It's important to let a relationship unfold organically," says Axtell. Over time, the natural relationship trajectory is to progress to hanging out several nights a week and at least one night of the weekend. Though it may sound clichéd, experts agree that men really are intrigued by the thrill of the chase. If you are a constant presence in their world, that thrill will wear off prematurely.

Still, if you continue to feel insecure about his feelings for you a few months down the road, then it's time to ask your guy if he's willing to offer more of a commitment. If the answer is no, you need to assess the situation.

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It's important to realize that shirking neediness doesn't mean that you have to take things slow indefinitely. "Eventually, you're going to want a boyfriend you can lean on emotionally from time to time without feeling like you're asking too much," says Magids.

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