Hmmmm...assuming you have a lot of money, put enough for college into a trust fund for your daughter, hide as much as you can in a swiss account, get yourself fired, get a job that pays similar to your wife, find a low-paying job close to home, and tell your wife you'll look for a better job when she does.

She's probably doesn't like you any more than you like her, so once the gravy train runs dry she'll hook up with some other human wallet.

Are you self employed? If so, if you get remarried, 'sell' the business to your new wife and have her pay you, say, $20k per year. I know someone who has done this.

Or, if you want to try to make it work, I know someone this worked for.

Quit your jobs and sell your stuff. Buy a sailboat and cruise around the Carribean for a year. Start over.

I hate when people say this! Getting 50% of 100k is better then 50% of 20k.

Quote:

Originally Posted by silvergray545

If you have to pay 1-2k in consultations to find out you may have to pay less than 56k a year sounds worth it to me.

When I get married, I'm making that bitch sign a prenup.

That is the only way I am getting married again.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mylydiamy

I hear you. Unfortunately I am not self employed.

But the lawyer said that even if I quit my job she would still get alimony because I have potential of getting similar paying jobs.

Life sucks

This is very true. Sucks bro. I know when I was going through my divorce the first thing I thought was that I was going to have sell my bimmer and my house and get an apartment and chevy colbolt.

This might not be a bad idea. We are not saying to stay with her, just dont divorce her. Legal separation maybe? Either way, the longer you can drag it out and refuse to sign a deal or sign divorce papers then the longer you can postpone giving her all that crap. I do however hope that you still provide everything that you daughter needs in the mean time.

This might not be a bad idea. We are not saying to stay with her, just dont divorce her. Legal separation maybe? Either way, the longer you can drag it out and refuse to sign a deal or sign divorce papers then the longer you can postpone giving her all that crap. I do however hope that you still provide everything that you daughter needs in the mean time.

Off course I will do everything I can to make sure that she gets best of what she needs.

I though about the separation. But it didn't sound too good. First I still have to pay my current home's expenses since she does not make enough money. Then I have to rent an apartment. And the worst part is knowing that she is controlling my life. Alos it would be very difficult dor me to have any type of relationship since I am still married and living in a shitty apartment.

what if you have several low paying jobs in the course of a year or two. would that show you are incapable of earning high wage?

That would allow me to pay her little alimony for the time being. But once I start making more money she will definetely come after me as she is legally entitled to. So financially there is nothing to gain

How could they charge you what you potentially might be able to make? Do they expect you to live on zero dollars?

Unfortunately, they do, at least in NJ. I heard about a guy in a similar situation, made 100k, had to give his ex-wife about half. He then lost his job, and got a way lower paying job (as per him, due to the economy, not that he was trying to be slick). He went to court many times and they never re-adjusted what he had to pay.
What they do is put you on a payment plan that you'll never be able to pay, until you have x amount in arrears, and the get hit with an arrest warrant.

so basically, he could only pay 20k of the 50k, so the following year he owed the 30k remaining from the previous year plus the 50k for that year, making it 80k, and the year after that 110k. It was ludicrous.

Commit to counseling and get it fixed. It's infinitely cheaper and happier. You cannot see this now, but please take my word for it. You will be forced by the court to have a relationship with your wife (through alimony and all the child rearing issues) anyway.

I am divorced and happily remarried and have a black cloud of doubt, debt, and remorse that follows me around anyway.

Man-up and make it work. This is your best chance for happiness. Let me restate, you WILL HAVE A RELATIONSHIP with your wife for the rest of your life. Do you want it to be a legal-conflict based one or one you define?

Unfortunately, they do, at least in NJ. I heard about a guy in a similar situation, made 100k, had to give his ex-wife about half. He then lost his job, and got a way lower paying job (as per him, due to the economy, not that he was trying to be slick). He went to court many times and they never re-adjusted what he had to pay.
What they do is put you on a payment plan that you'll never be able to pay, until you have x amount in arrears, and the get hit with an arrest warrant.

so basically, he could only pay 20k of the 50k, so the following year he owed the 30k remaining from the previous year plus the 50k for that year, making it 80k, and the year after that 110k. It was ludicrous.

EDIT: I think the warrant is for child support, not alimony.

Unfortunately that's how it is.

So I have WARNING for those who are palnning get married. TALK TO A LAWYER AND SIGN A PRENUP TO COVER YOUR ASS BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED.

Commit to counseling and get it fixed. It's infinitely cheaper and happier. You cannot see this now, but please take my word for it. You will be forced by the court to have a relationship with your wife (through alimony and all the child rearing issues) anyway.

I am divorced and happily remarried and have a black cloud of doubt, debt, and remorse that follows me around anyway.

Man-up and make it work. This is your best chance for happiness. Let me restate, you WILL HAVE A RELATIONSHIP with your wife for the rest of your life. Do you want it to be a legal-conflict based one or one you define?

And I really feel for you, man. Nothing is worse.

Thanks. I hear you. But I am not sure if thsi will work. We almost got divorced 3 times before and decided to give it a more more try. And each time we ended up the same place where we started.

If I had done this 3-4 years ago I wouldn't have had to pay her ant alimony since she was making a lot more as I was making less (almost same amount of money). I could have gotton away with just child support which is not bad.

Off course I will do everything I can to make sure that she gets best of what she needs.

I though about the separation. But it didn't sound too good. First I still have to pay my current home's expenses since she does not make enough money. Then I have to rent an apartment. And the worst part is knowing that she is controlling my life. Alos it would be very difficult dor me to have any type of relationship since I am still married and living in a shitty apartment.

Either way I am f***ed

You know... since you're already 19 years deep into this, why don't you just grind out 4 more years? Your daughter is 14, right? After she's 18, at least there's no child support. Plan out your moves in the next couple years.

As for prenups, depending on your jurisdiction, a prenuptial agreement will only protect pre-marriage assets. What you make during the marriage will still be subject to you getting F-ed over unless you include a clause to modify or eliminate spousal maintenance. Even still, a court can always throw out the agreement if the court determines it was unconscionable when made.

Just make sure you get a good attorney to write one up, and make sure the soon-to-be-spouse seeks independent legal advice regarding the agreement before signing it.

You know... since you're already 19 years deep into this, why don't you just grind out 4 more years? Your daughter is 14, right? After she's 18, at least there's no child support. Plan out your moves in the next couple years.

Child support (~1200-1500) is nothing compared to alimony (~3500). Also child support continues until she graduates from college, so another 8 years or so...