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I know it may seem hard to believe, but it is a very real truth. If a man does not have a stable career, he will actually postpone his marriage proposal. What you have to understand about men is they have no major worries in life before they get married. They pay rent, buy food and have some extra money for entertainment and a guy is good. Its a pretty worry free life.

Once a man gets married, everything in his life changes. This is the moment when he begins to worry. Making enough money to pay rent and drink beer with his friends is not enough. He is now responsible for the both of you and it doesn’t matter if you work as well, because he is only thinking about what he can contribute. Men never assume they will be sharing your money. Don’t forget that once you are married, it won’t be long before children arrive. So add in another two or three worries. If he can barely take care of himself, having to take of a family will be an impossible feat for him.

This man is going from living a carefree life to suddenly being responsible for the lives of an entire family. If a man does not have a solid career, it will make him feel extremely uneasy about taking on that kind of responsibility. He won’t feel ready for it and will therefore try to avoid any discussions of it. Any talk of marriage will register as a direct attack on his manhood. You see, a real man is capable of raising, protecting and supporting their family, something he at this time is not capable of doing. Bringing up marriage just brings up the idea, in his mind that he is not a man. His only defense is to avoid any talk of marriage and if talks continue, then to become extremely upset and pull away. Very few men will ever admit that they don’t feel man enough to get married.

Of course, many women say “But he has a stable career!” Well, his career may be stable, but that doesn’t mean he is happy in it. I know lots of guys who have jobs that just pay the bills, but everyday is an up at dawn pride swallowing siege. Since they don’t have any responsibilities they can leave this job at any time and hopefully find something better. It is this idea that keeps them going. However, if they were to get married, this terrible job that they hate, would likely become a permanent position. One they would be forced to stay in.

Instead of pressuring him for a proposal, try asking him about his job. Is he happy in it? How does he feel about his job security? Is this what he wants to do or is there another field he would like to go into? Listen to him, find out what he wants and then help him get it. I mean sit down with him, tell him how much faith you have in him and help him to organize himself to get the type of job he wants. Try to find those types of opportunities, help him apply or get the training so he can apply. A man would be hard pressed not to marry the woman who got him to where he is. On the other hand, no man will ever marry a demanding woman, who cares little about his stress and only wants to get married.

This is just one of many obstacles you will have to overcome in getting your boyfriend to propose. If you don’t handle them the right way, he won’t even think of popping the question. Instead you need to learn how a man’s mind works, in order to get him to want to marry you

Last weekend my cousin had a beautiful wedding to her boyfriend of 2 years. It was a Big Fat Greek wedding, with lots of people, food and dancing. It was really nice to see and I hope my cousin and her new husband will have all the happiness in the world.

The funny thing about the wedding was my brother was asked to MC the reception and the bride and groom asked that the time allocated to the speeches be limited to only 20 minutes. That doesn’t mean 20 minutes for each person, they only wanted 20 minutes for all the speeches. When my brother told them this was unrealistic, they conceded and felt 25 minutes would be more realistic. Well after all the heartfelt speeches had been completed, the total time had run into the 2 hour range. Hopefully it didn’t throw off their plans too much.

Long gone are the days when the father of the bride, best man and groom speaks. Now everybody seems to want to have a speech at a wedding these days. At this wedding the father of the bride, best man, two maids of honor, a good friend of the bride, a good friend of the groom, a few friends of the family, and some single people shopping for potential mates all had a chance behind the microphone.

There was one speech that made a really good point and that was by the father of the groom. He said “Love is when a man and woman become one. The trouble starts when you try to figure out which one.”

I really liked that because I do see that a lot in current relationships. In the beginning everybody is madly in love and happy that they are one with their partner. Then as time goes on, people try to figure out who they are in the relationship and start trying to re-establish a new identity and want their partner to mold into this identity. Its the forcing a partner into a new identity that they never signed up for. Keep an eye out for this because forcing a man into a new identity is not something he is going to like. If he asked you to marry him, its because he is happy with the way things are now! Change that and he might not be so happy.

One good idea that my cousin had was to have the wedding cake made into cupcakes, so they wouldn’t have to cut the cake. Everybody could just take a cupcake and better yet have different options chocolate or vanilla, depending on what people like.

One of the biggest reasons a guy might not propose is because of all the stress in his life. Stress is a silent killer that slowly eats away at the growth of a relationship. When your boyfriend spends more time worrying about his stress (wherever it may come from) and less time about you then this can definitely halt any plans for a proposal. The problem is a proposal is the last thing on his mind because he is constantly thinking about his problems.

What can you do to reduce the stress so he will realize that you are a woman he should spend the rest of his life with:

1) Affection is one of the best stress reduces. This is a very hard job, so only do it if you know you are up for the task. Different forms of affection that can reduce stress:

Hugs – make sure you give your man a hug each morning before you leave for work and each evening you see each other after work.

Pet Name – give your man a pet name that only you call him in private. Once he hears you call him that name, he will know he is in a safe place

Kisses – Give your partner soft gentle kisses, just to let him know that you are close at hand

Massage – Nothing reduces the stress and tension in a man’s body like receiving a massage from their partner

Its these affectionate moments that will remind him that no matter how much stress he has in his life, there is always a safe place where he can forget all about his stress.

2) Sit down with your man and talk about a way to work through the stressor is possible. Don’t overwhelm him, just let him know you want to help. Once you have come up with a plan, put it into action and help him execute it. Remember talk is cheap, but when he actually sees you helping him to get rid of his stress, it can only draw him closer to you. The point of this experience is to show him that not only do you love him and support him, but when push comes to shove you will help him through those tough times. That he can count on you to be there for him. He will realize that he needs you in his life. Show him with your actions how much you care. Discover the different factors that can stop him from realizing you are the one

I will never forget a good friend approaching me at our wedding reception. He shook my hand and congratulated me earnestly, then he stepped close. Still gripping my hand he looked me in the eye and said, “Now comes the hard part.”

He was right. There is a danger that once you have a ring on your finger, you might think you have crossed the finish line and all the hard work is over. However, if you want the marriage to last, quite the opposite is true. Getting married is not graduation day; it’s the first semester of your freshman year. It is the start of building a life together, of investing in a relationship that will be robust enough to handle the realities of living with another person, day in and day out.

Dating is about making a good impression; flirting, wooing, enticing and seducing. However, after your first really good illness, when you are disheveled and exhausted and he is doing double duty to keep the house running and an income coming in, your bedroom eyes won’t cut it. There will be no more mystery. So if you stopped trying to build real intimacy when you left the altar, there will be precious little to fall back on.

Instead of a destination, think of your marriage as the journey. Everything that went before was simply the preparation; packing your bags to see if you were ready to go. Now you have set out, you will see how well you prepared and how the two of you can improvise what you need to keep going. But if you want to stop and sit on your pack and expect him to carry you, it won’t last long. What you need to do instead is two-fold.

First, keep improving yourself. He fell in love with who you were and where you were going, probably because it was a similar direction to his. Keep becoming that person, growing as an individual. It will help him respect you, and provide those moments of delight for you both as you discover new facets to who you are.

Second, keep investing in him. He still wants to be flirted with, seduced and fawned over occasionally. The ring he gave you isn’t magical – it is a symbol of what he saw and felt. It stands for his choice of you over anyone else; keep reminding him why, and that you chose him similarly.

I have been married for over fifteen years now and one of the key things my wife and I can point to in our relationship is our commitment to keeping it going. It’s not just a bloody-minded determination to stay together. It is a heartfelt resolve to keep making it better, by building on what we saw all those years ago. We have our dull patches and our dreary days, but they are part of a much bigger patchwork which is vivid with the colours of love, generosity, affection and more than a little effort. What’s more, we look forward to many more years to come. And the best part? As we live and love this way, it just keeps getting better.

I read some research a while back that identified the lifespan of romance. From a survey of fifty thousand couples, researchers had concluded that the romance in a relationship died after two years, six months and twenty five days. That’s right; paying off that new car could last longer than the special feelings you and your spouse-to-be share.

It seems incredible to a couple freshly in love, but the numbers don’t lie. After less than three years the rush of endorphins and emotions that feels like fireworks in your stomach now will have slowed to something considerably less impressive. Probably more akin to gas.

According to the research, after just that long more than half the women surveyed stopped wearing makeup for their significant other. Even more were un-inclined to dress to impress, preferring to wear track pants or pyjamas around the house. Men fared no better. After the new-relationship buzz faded, nearly three quarters were content to leave dirty laundry laying around. The days of the hurried clean-up to look good were long gone.

It’s no surprise really – those heroic efforts to make a good impression can only last so long. They happen because we are fuelled by a fizzing mix of emotion, novelty and hormones. What it means is that we need to make sure the relationship that develops is based on something more significant or there will be a gaping vacuum when the sparks finally fade.

Some friends of mine explained to me how ‘empty nest’ syndrome feels. When their last child headed off to college, they looked at each other and said, “Now what?” If they hadn’t deliberately invested time and energy in each other – in developing interests and activities that they enjoyed and that created real intimacy – they would have been lost. If their whole relationship had devolved to be about their kids, they would have found themselves alone in the house with a stranger. It’s the same with the outset of a relationship. Without working on some genuine ways to get to know one another beneath the whirlwind of burgeoning love, there may be little there to sustain you both when the novelty wears off.

So if you really want a fairytale ending, forget the fairytale. It takes more than flowers and butterflys every time you meet to make marriage work. Find out who you really are and where you really connect, and build on that. That way, in about two years when he leaves the toilet seat up again, you will love him regardless. Learn more ways on how to keep the romance in your relationship

Sincerely,

Dan Kelly

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Paul’s Thoughts

A loss of romance can definitely stop a man’s plans for a proposal cold in its tracks. As Dan said “According to the research, after just that long more than half the women surveyed stopped wearing makeup for their significant other. Even more were un-inclined to dress to impress, preferring to wear track pants or pyjamas around the house.”

When a man sees women dressed to impress with their hair done, makeup on and an outfit that knocks their socks off, it can be a real let down to see your partner with no makeup, hair in a bun, glasses and sweat pants on. Does this motivate him to propose? No it doesn’t.

Now don’t get me wrong at this point men are not doing much in the romance department either, so they are just as much to blame. The difference being who is it that wants a proposal. If you are wanting your boyfriend to propose, you need to dress to impress him at least three out of every six times that you see him. (I know he should love you for you, even without makeup on, but being politically correct is not what motivates men)

I don’t mean seeing him after you come from work and you look nice. I mean dressing up with the specific idea of catching his eye. The thing you have to keep in mind is that you are still competing with every other woman until the both of you are married. If you want him to propose that means you have to keep his attention on you and away from other women. The best way to do that is by dressing to impress him.

Just take a look at a few examples of celebrities with makeup and without makeup. We all have good days and bad days. The problem is when all your boyfriend sees are bad days, he can forget how truly beautiful you can look. He needs you to constantly remind him. Looking your best isn’t the only key to stepping up your romance, but it is a start. Here are more ways to on how to be romantic to get your boyfriend to propose

My boyfriend feels uncomfortable talking about getting married, he feels pressured when I bring it up. This I understand, however he brings up little things all the time that indicate he wants to get married, he knows my feelings on it, that I want to wait until I finish school to actually have the wedding but I want a long engagement so there is a little less stress in planing. My question is what is he waiting for, we have been friends for years and now dating for a few, my family loves him and his loves me. We are perfect for each other and talk about buying a house, why is marriage so daunting, and why the wait?

He’s about to be 25 I’m going to be 23 a few days after, we have been together for 2 years known each other for 6+ years he is working and done with school I will be done in about two years

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Dan’s Thoughts

There are a whole host of reasons why guys seem to avoid the big M, and without knowing more it is hard to guess what his may be. From what you have said, I suspect there may be some basic failures in communication. You both want the same thing and sound pretty solidly compatible, and have moved past the more tumultuous early stages of any relationship. Maybe he misunderstands your hesitancy, and perhaps you don’t realize his reasons for not proposing. I’m guessing the long engagement doesn’t mesh with him for some reason, so he is waiting until you are actually prepared to get married before he asks. It could be that he doesn’t want to risk the engagement becoming perpetual, so wants to keep it short and sweet. It’s possible even that your ‘yes-but-not-yet’ stance leaves him feeling a little less secure about the relationship – wondering what else might be putting you off. I suggest you jump on the next hint he drops and ask what it is exactly that he wants, then see if you can’t reconcile the two sets of expectations into a happy compromise.

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Paul’s Thoughts

There are a number of reasons why your boyfriend might be hesitant to pop the question. Two of the more probable reasons could be:

1) Research has shown that young men between 19-27 tend to need a few things before they get married (there are exceptions).

* They need to be out of school. Their education has to be finished and done with.

* Working in a job for at least a couple of years. This allows a man to feel more secure and comfortable with his career, plus it allows him to save some money which he can put toward his future.

* Have an opportunity to sow his wild oats. This allows him a chance to get into the dating world and see that the dating world is tough and there really is a limited supply of quality women in this world. When you find that quality woman, he needs to snap her up as quickly as possible

If a young man doesn’t work his way through these steps, then it can take years for a young man to propose. Instead of talking to your boyfriend about marriage, try talking to him about his life. Does he like his job? Does he feel comfortable with how his career is going? Is he struggling with finances? Does he miss going out with his friends to the bars? The point is to try asking him about his life, to see if he has worked through these stages and how happy he is.

2) The second problem I see is that the proposal is all about you. Don’t get me wrong I can see why you would want a proposal. A proposal now, would make you feel more secure in your relationship, you would know that the relationship is not just sitting still but actually moving forward, plus you get a really nice ring that you can now show off to all your girlfriends. To top it all off, you really don’t have to do anything different in the relationship, because you don’t want to get married until after you finish school. This means no stress or change in your life. A proposal now is perfect for you.

In your email, you didn’t once consider if a proposal now would be right for him. In fact, you didn’t consider him at all. Can he afford a ring right now? Does he want a long engagement? What is the point of him proposing to you now?

He has to spend $10,000 – $20,000 on a ring, to then wait two years for you to finish school. At which point things may change and the both of you may not even be together. Not only does he lose out on you, but he has lost a lot of money he might not even be able to afford to spend. Why? Proposing now won’t change his life for the better. Your relationship will stay the same and he is probably very happy with the way the relationship is now and he didn’t have to spend any money to make it that way.

Not just that, but the proposal is all about you and your time line. What about him and his time line? Chances are if you don’t want to get married now and have expressed this fact to him, then he really doesn’t feel a need to propose right now. He is better off waiting till you finish school before he proposes, at least then he knows that you will really want to get married. Then you can both move your relationship forward together. This is just a few of the many reasons that would hold him back from proposing. Just go here to learn more and discover the secret on how to get your boyfriend to propose.

Sincerely,

Paul Wright

paulwright@decodingmen.com

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By reading and accepting this article you agree to all of the following: You understand that this is simply a set of opinions, personal experience and anecdotal evidence (and not advice). Women Men Marry is not responsible for any use of the information in this article.

I know and understand that having a dream wedding is important for every woman. Making sure that your wedding is memorable and special is crucial for that little girl inside a woman. Feeling like she is a princess for one day is a dream come true.

I must admit I love watching wedding shows on tv. I like seeing that magical moment created from beginning to end. There is one thing I see in these wedding shows and that is the wedding is all about the woman. It seems that nobody really cares if the groom even shows up.

These brides want red carpets, horse drawn carriages, massive rings, giant flower arrangements, massive banquet halls, and then things get strange with circus performers or stunt acts. I could write an entire book on the crazy things some women come up with for weddings to make them unique.

What these brides are forgetting is that a wedding is supposed to be the public declaration of love between two people. To let all friends and family know that they are committed to each other “until death do us part.” It is also a time to let your partner know that despite all the people in the world, that you choose them. To make your partner feel your love and to show your love in front of everybody. To scream your love to the world.

Do you understand why a man would become hesitant about getting married as the price rises and things become more and more extravagant? Of course, If a man loves you he wants to make the wedding day special for the woman he is marrying. At the same time the groom wants he to feel loved and special on his wedding day as well.

A guy doesn’t need the giant ten foot cake, the $50,000 banquet hall, or a horse drawn carriage to feel special. To feel special a man needs to have your love and attention on his wedding while being surrounded by friends and family.

When you are thinking about, talking about and/or planning your wedding with your boyfriend always remember to ask yourself is this about making you (as the bride) feel special or for the both of you to feel special. If all your focus is on you and making you feel special, don’t be surprised when your boyfriend begins to get cold feet. Planning your wedding is a huge decision and if you are going to be selfish in this decision, its probably just a sign of things to come. No man wants to be with a selfish woman. If he thinks that you will be selfish in every major decision the both of you will have to make together, then chances are good it will scare him off the idea of getting married. For your wedding focus on expressing your love for him and not just seeing what you can do to make you feel more special. This is key to getting your boyfriend to be excited about getting married.

I don’t know how many guys I know who used to be golfers, or drive motorsports, or enjoy fishing or weekly poker games. What I know is that there is a distinct theme amongst them – somehow they have drifted away from something they loved doing. Oftentimes that also means drifting apart from friends and circles of support and encouragement too.

It is a cliché – and an unfair one at that – to suggest that women drag men away from their favorite pastimes. However, it is true that once a relationship begins to develop, things change as priorities get rearranged. This goes for both parties, as men and women begin to rank time spent together above those things they traditionally did. However, sometimes one party can influence the other to a greater extent and soon the concessions begin to be one sided.

If this is the case in a dating relationship, it just makes sense that it will only continue and possibly amplify in a marriage. What that means is that if a guy is feeling pressured to start giving things up, or if he is noticing some absences that are beginning to bother him, he may well put the brakes on further relationship developments while he decides whether he can live with the changes – and the direction they are taking.

What a woman in these circumstances needs to do is communicate her awareness of the changes going on and make sure that she is sensitive to how they are affecting him. If he knows that she cares, and is not deliberately trying to divorce him from old friends, he will feel less concerned and it won’t become a conflict of interests. In fact, it may help him clarify his own priorities in terms of the relationship and cement his commitment. Certainly the communication and a willingness to compromise will only benefit the relationship.

Men can become very hesitant when it comes to marriage because of certain marriage nightmares that keep them awake at night. While we may not experience these nightmares personally, this does not stop us from seeing these nightmares first hand with friends, family members and even on tv. I have decided to release these nightmares that swim around deep down in a man’s subconscious mind that can prevent him from proposing marriage.

The first thing you must understand about men is that a Man loves a woman for who they are now. If a man is with you then he really does like you for who you are, inside and out. Exactly how you are! While you may see flaws all over your body, he sees perfection. With that said men are constantly afraid of what their partner might turn into, especially when that ring is put on her finger.

As people get older we change and grow, but some people transform into a completely different person all together. Sometimes it can be for the better, other times it is for the worst. Its the fear a woman may turn into a complete nightmare that scares men. A prime example of a marriage nightmare is Kate Gosselin from the tv show Jon and Kate plus eight. While I am not saying Jon is completely innocent within the relationship, Kate’s behavior towards Jon is some of the worst I have ever seen.

Kate would yell, scream, nag and continuously treat Jon like a child. In fact by the end of the show, I don’t think I ever saw her talk to him in a civil manner. There was even one moment when it was just the two of them talking to the camera and Kate spazzes at Jon for breathing. How a person can get upset over someone else breathing is beyond me, but she did.

Kate showed him little to no respect and emasculated him continuously. Then Kate is shocked when Jon filed for divorce. I’m sure when Kate and Jon were dating she was a very nice sweet woman, but eventually over time with 8 children, stress from work and life in general she slowly turned into a nagging, annoying, whining, crying, hag! Everything a man fears a woman will turn into when he marries her.

This isn’t an isolated incident, as stated on MSN.com “It takes a certain kind of charmer to get fired off a show before it even begins, and that’s just what happened to Kate Gosselin (aka the most obnoxious woman on television). Tapped as a potential co-host for a “View” style talk show called “Momlogic,” Gosselin alienated the producers with her unpleasant public behavior (including her split from husband Jon) and got axed in the process. Sadly, this setback didn’t keep her off TV: we had to endure her on “Dancing with the Stars” (where she allegedly pushed to have her pro partner fired, despite the fact that he carried her dead weight through each weekly routine).”

As I said before, everybody changes with time, but since a man loves you for who you are now, he truly hopes that you will still somewhat resemble the person he fell in love with 40 years from now. This is one of the reasons guys like to date for longer periods of time, because we want to see how much you will change personality wise over a few years. If a bad change is significant then that means you have the potential to become a Kate. I know that marriage should be about loving that person, but no man in his right mind wants to end up with a Kate. If you want to get married to your boyfriend you have to put his mind at ease that you will never ever become a Kate. Learn the steps you need to know toGet Your Boyfriend To Marry You

It is a strange thing to us guys when the women in our lives make random observations. “Isn’t that a lovely dress?” “Wow, I didn’t know it was so cheap to rent a horse drawn carriage!” “Fall is just the prettiest time of year. I think it is just so photogenic.” “Did you know that flowers are cheaper if you buy them direct?” They come out of no-where and just hang in the air waiting for a response that we can’t fathom.

Most guys will meet these kinds of comments with a mix of vague interest and mild confusion. Those are all fascinating insights, but we have no idea what they mean. Oftentimes they are those most insidious of feminine devices: hints. What the girl in question wants to do is get her man thinking: dresses – carriages – photographs – flowers, and then join the dots to come up with a marriage proposal. What will actually happen is he will mumble “Oh, yeah…” and then continue to ponder his team’s choices in the draft.

If you are hoping to get your man to start thinking about marriage, tell him so. It sounds simple, but it’s guys we are dealing with here and simple is good. Hints, by and large, don’t work. They are either too subtle to get noticed or too passive-aggressive to get taken the way you want. If you keep leaving Bride and Groom magazine on the coffee table, he is not going to go shopping for a ring. He will just have more trouble finding the TV remote. If you wanted him to consider popping the question, then let him know a little more honestly. Some would argue that this introduces ‘pressure’ which guys will resent but it depends how you do it. In reality, hints usually create more pressure because the unspoken expectation that we will decipher them creates friction. Talking to him is just more direct. If you can gently tell him that you want to start thinking about marriage, then he will at least know what the playing field is. If that is a little too scary, then give him a heads-up as a precursor to the conversation. If you are admiring a dress, tell him so but then let him know that it is the sort of dress you would like to wear someday. Soon. For him. This Fall, preferably. As hints go it’s pretty awful, but it will be a conversation starter and from there you can make your hopes and expectations known in a way that he will both be able to grasp and do something with.

Guys generally aren’t opposed to thinking through these things; oftentimes we just don’t know that we’re supposed to be. So rather than exhaust yourself and frustrate him with endless cryptic hints, just try talking. Be honest, be gentle but be direct. And then start looking at dresses. Learn how to talk with your boyfriend about marriage

Sincerely,

Dan Kelly

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Paul’s Thoughts

Don’t put the horse before the carriage. Every time you give a guy a hint, you are putting marriage before you have even talked about it. Most times a guy won’t pick up on what you mean by the hint. He won’t understand that you want to get married, he will just see it as you wanting things like flowers, a nice dress, jewelry. Then he will just end up resenting you because you are constantly talking about things you want him to get for you.

You must always remember communication is not about what you mean, it is about how the other person understood you. With that said having a talk with your boyfriend about wanting to get married is difficult because you don’t want him to misinterpret what you say. At the same time you want to be able to make sure that you are making it clear that you want to get married and preferably in the near future. Not 10 years from now, when he finally decides he might feel like it. Learn how to talk with your boyfriend about marriage