Dating myself

My biggest regret is that I never dated myself. Now I might never get the chance.

Did any of you jump from relationship to relationship?

I was so afraid to be alone, that I never was. I wasn’t picky about who I dated, just that I was with someone. I’ll tell you what, sometimes my lack of standards really brought in the winners(sarcasm).

I’ve never even lived alone. I moved out of my parents house and in with my first husband. Then when we got divorced, his sister(yep. You read that right. HIS sister is my best friend) moved in to help me through it. Then my current husband moved in and eventually she moved out.

Now that I’m married with kids, that might be my biggest regret.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t regret getting married or having kids. My husband and my kids are my world. I just wish I would have lived a little BEFORE I met my husband.

I wish I would have spent more time on myself. I wish I would have taken a break to find out who I was and what I wanted.

I should have taken myself to the movies or out to dinner. I should have bought myself jewelry and a spa day. I should have showered myself with compliments and support.

I wish I would have lived by myself for a year or two and learned how to cook better. I wish I would have put as much effort into myself as I did in relationships.

There’s a good possibility that I won’t live alone until I’m much older(or never). I will never get to see what it’s like to only have to take carry of/worry about myself.

I have this dream where I wake up, crank some music, shower and get ready for work. Then afterwards I’d come home, cook something simple, and hang out in front of the tv.

I know I’d have to clean and do laundry but cleaning for one and doing one persons laundry sounds AMAZING! Think about it moms! Think about all of the laundry that CONSTANTLY needs to be washed/folded/put away. How much of that is yours?

I don’t know about y’all, but I HATE kids clothes. You think one basket is not that much but that one basket holds 50183948393729373 pieces of tiny shirts, pants, onesies, etc. Its a basket of LIES and DECEIT!

Plus doing laundry while watching kids. Or even better, when they want to HELP. That makes a 5 minute task take 15-20 minutes.

I miss doing laundry alone. I miss doing anything alone.

I recently took up wood whittling as a hobby. Cause what goes better with kids than sharp knives and blocks of wood…. 😣 I probably get two hours a week of hands free, kids free, time. Do you know how long it takes me to finish one project? Wayyyy more than 2 hours. If I were single, I’d love sitting down and whittling the day away.

The point is, I regret not taking time for myself. It’s an experience that I feel everyone should have. Plus I feel that if I spent this time figuring myself out, I’d have saved a lot of time and tears on the wrong guys.

I know being alone seems scary when you’re in highschool, college, and especially after college when you have to figure life out. But, when you find yourself married with kids and never alone, you’ll wish you could go back.

So if you’re like I was, and the fear of being alone makes you jump from one relationship to the next, maybe just take a break after the next breakup. Even just a month can teach you a lot.

If you’re like I am now, surrounded by people and noise and chaos, never ending piles of laundry and dishes, just wanting a day to curl up and read a good book, you’re not alone.

Try your hardest to find that time. It may not teach you life altering lessons, but it might stop you from pulling your hair out.