mama's and their babes – living right

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we spent money! and this is where the no spend month gets challenging.. hence why it’s called a challenge! we wanted to go for a walk last night, so without question – we started putting our shoes on and decided we’d walk up the street and buy our kids an ice cream, being that it was still 80 degrees outside at 8:00pm. it was my mom (who was visiting for the week) that brought it to our attention that we’d be spending money. darin and i both stopped in our tracks and realized we had to make a decision. do we break our challenge? or do we stick strong and explain to our adorable little 2 year olds that because mommy and daddy weren’t smart with their money for a few months, we’re on a spending freeze and that means that they have to suffer with us?? no. we bought our kids ice cream. and it cost us $1.03. it was worth every penny to see the chocolate running down their smiling faces. point of the story – you can decide to spend money during your no spend month challenge – but here’s my advice: keep the receipt and document any money spent that wasn’t absolutely necessary. so that you can see where that extra money is going and if it was worth it. this doesn’t mean we’re spending money now! we’re back to no spending and we’ve marked on our calendar that we had a SLIP up. we’re still just getting in to the HABIT of not spending, which is a hard habit to create.

Well, we are officially into our no spend month! You don’t realize how much money you spend on crap until you do something like this. I went to target to just check out and price their ballet outfits and it was almost impossible to get out of there without buying a coffee drink, a fruit snack for the kids at the register, or the cutest tee shirt ever for Dezmond. I caught myself saying in my head “it’s only $5. It’s only $3.” If I would have allowed myself to purchase each item that I wanted, without thinking about it, I would have walked out of there spending over $20 than needed! But NOW – I just saved myself $20 (if not more) and I will look elsewhere for a better priced leotard for Penelope. Way to go – me !

It feels good to hit the re-set button on our spending habits. August is basically like a money fast – so that September can be a fresh start for us!

i have decided it is TIME to get myself in to shape and make some serious progress on our family debt. two pretty big and important things in life, no? health and finances.

to kick off our 'getting out of debt' plan – we will be taking a "no spend month" challenge starting tomorrow, august 1st. i'm pretty excited about this because for one, we spend way too much money that we don't necessarily have, on extra things that we definitely do not need. we're going to get caught up and then be able to get ahead easier. obviously the few exceptions are: bills, groceries and gasoline. and i will buy only the absolute necessities when at the grocery store. we can do this!

as far as health goes – we're going to be eating mostly paleo and getting ourselves to be more active through out the day. whether it's jogging in the morning before work or going to the gym after work. my goal is to get a little more intense with the fitness thing but i don't want to put too many things on my plate at once.

so august will be the perfect start to these two very important topics.

on other notes !

we put the kids in a dance class that starts on august 30th and i could not be more excited. this is a big reason why i wanted to do the 'no spend month' – so that we could afford for our kids to participate in things like this. i can't wait to see how they do. they will have each other which i debated about. i had the option of putting them in the same class but on different days. but in the end i decided it would be really good for them to watch how the other is interacting and follow lead. hopefully it doesn't back fire on me and the one acting out or not listening takes the lead…

i also found the most amazing place today. a cute little cafe that has a built in play place for kids!! as cliche as it felt – it was a glorious 2 hours, sitting upstairs in a quaint little coffee shop with a couple of girlfriends, chatting about life and our children while sipping delicious caffeinated beverages. and all of our kids played happily downstairs where we could see them. it's storybrookcafeplayplace.com located in salt lake city. i didn't know until i got there that it cost money – but it was only $3 per child since it was after 3:00. before that time, it's $6 per child. which to me, is completely worth it to be able to sit and chat with friends and not have to worry about your kid disappearing or running off into the street. or falling off the playground. it's all very clean and safe feeling. they also have daily events happening like music mondays which we will be trying out next week.

here's to AUGUST! full of early mornings, productive days and a happy family.

they tell you it goes by so fast – but they don’t tell you how literal that statement actually is. the first few months is all a blur now which is why i am so thankful i kept baby books on each of them! i just started printing photos to put in those books too and i can’t believe how tiny they were! here is the first three WEEKS of their lives –

and now look at them – all grown up at 7 months old –

my dezmond is so active, rolling around everywhere he possibly can. he started to scoot forward a little to grab things but he hasn’t quite figured out how to get on his knees AND hands at the same time. he’s generally happy and can sometimes entertain himself. a lot of the time however, he wants to be held and played with or else he will fuss and whine. there are never any tears though so i don’t always give in, haha. i do want him to be a little bit more independent. i think with time he will learn how to be. he has just been babied his entire life because he had such a sensitive tummy the first 4 months of life. i felt so bad that he was in pain so any little whimper he would give out – momma would run to pick him up and console him and comfort him. which i don’t see anything wrong with at all – it is just showing now that he knows he can get whatever he wants with some noises and soft stares into my eyes. he is the sweetest little boy and so loving and cuddly. he plays with my hair anytime i am laying next to him or feeding him. dezmond is extremely curious and wants to grab everything in sight, especially cords. and he is such a flirt! i can’t take him anywhere without him shooting smiles at ladies and making them giggle at him and want to rush over to see more.

as for my darling penelope – she is strong and extremely independent. she never cries or “complains” unless there is something very specific bothering her. if she has a dirty diaper she will let you know immediately with sounds of gasping and grunting. if she is hungry (which is rare) she will give out a small yell and wait for her bottle patiently. if she’s tired she’ll find her pacifier and moan a little until you lay her in a soft blanket so that she can put herself to sleep. it’s amazing i tell you! my little independent baby. she loves to sit up and play with toys or just examine her hands or the blanket in front of her. she is easily entertained by anything and laughs at nothing. she doesn’t roll and i think it’s only because she doesn’t want to. she’s perfectly content just sitting straight up and seeing the world that way. she hates being on her tummy. i believe she will one day just stand up all on her own and start walking around while no one is looking.

these guys talk so much now. there are no real words but lots of different sounds with their tongue now. they both say “dada” but we’re not sure they know what it means. we love you babies!

when i found out i was pregnant with twins i searched the internet high and low for twin mommy blogs to read and learn from. i was bummed to have only been able to find two that were regularly updated and had information worth reading. well now i know WHY ! it’s been 9 weeks since i gave birth to my sweet babies and i haven’t been able to get on the computer for more than three minutes at a time. even when my husband is here, we are both attending to a baby. don’t get me wrong – it is the best thing in this world, but holy hell you no longer can do anything you did before they were here! i have attempted to write about their birth story and every time i get a couple sentences down a baby needs me. last week i was lucky enough to have them both napping for 2 full hours and i had almost typed out the entire story only to have it not save when my husband closed out my tabs on the computer. i thought i might cry and since then decided i was over it. but i promise i will write it (again) soon! mostly because i do feel that it is important to share my experience with other twin mommas so that it can hopefully help them before they go in for delivery. and i of course want it documented for my babies to look back on!

so here i am, able to make a post because penelope is sleeping after i gave her a bath and darin is hangin with dezmond. baby p will be up any second now though, to make sure i don’t get to finish this in one sitting. life is definitely very different now but so much better than it ever was before. we have been extremely blessed to have somewhat easy to care for babies. they sleep well, they eat well, and they are generally overall happy.

(click save because dezmond needs a bath and i’m going to do it because darin did all the early morning feedings so momma could sleep a little!)

let’s talk about coming home with two tiny newborns. leaving the hospital was not as i imagined. i was so filled with a kind of anxiety that i have never felt before. i was not excited or filled with joy like i thought i would be. i was terrified! were these my babies? should we be leaving? shouldn’t a nurse be coming with us? they took care of me and the babies for 5 days in the hospital as i recovered from my cesarean… how can they just let us take these tiny humans and be 100% responsible for them?? i couldn’t comprehend any of it and it was a scary feeling. on top of that, i began to worry about the way i was feeling. shouldn’t i be so overwhelmed with joy as i watch my husband snap our babies carseats into our car so that we can go home and be a family? it wasn’t until we got home and put our babies on our bed that i felt somewhat normal and extremely happy. it was such a relief to be safe with them in our bedroom away from the world ! i never thought i could feel so much fear and anxiety for two tiny little humans.. but it was real.

i’ve heard it before but now i really understand it when new parents wonder why babies don’t come with manuals.

the first few weeks the babies did nothing but eat, sleep and poop. we were feeding every 2 hours on the dot. i was so lucky to have darin here to help until the 15th of june. 2 full weeks at home. they were so good! they made it easy for us. we were able to go out to eat a few times and spend time at friends houses. i was mostly bottle feeding so that also made it easier to do things. i wanted to strictly breast feed but when the babies arrived i realized how difficult that would actually be. it really bothered me at first but i have accepted that it just wasn’t reasonable. i know it could have been done if i was persistent but i wasn’t due to a few reasons that i will lay out in the birth story. we found a good organic formula from whole foods that we like by earths best. 2 months in and the babies fluctuate from eating every two hours to every four hours. for some reason through the night it’s always every two hours though! i can’t imagine what it would be like to sleep for six hours. one day! penelope is so chill and literally only cries or fusses when she needs something – whether it’s a diaper change or just wanting to be picked up for a little bit, she will tell you. she naps well in her swing during the day and sleeps next to me at night. she is so smiley these days and is a great eater! dezmond has a sensitive tummy so he eats really slow and needs to be held up for awhile after. he spits up his milk often. he prefers to be held anytime he’s awake which is fine by me so i try and give penelope a lot of attention at night when darin gets home. hence why she gets a spot right next to me in bed. they’re both so snuggly and they love kisses all over their faces. they even will nestle into darins beard, it’s the cutest thing ever to see.

i’ll start posting their weekly and monthly photos and updates soon. hah! when i can find some more time. and then eventually i will re-write their birth story.. (sigh).

thursday, may 28th we went in for a regular check up appt and my blood pressure was a bit higher than they wanted to see. there was also some protein in my urine which is not a good sign. we were seeing a different ob/gyn because dr. byno was off that week. so dr. schwartsman gave her a call and they decided we should head over to labor and delivery for monitoring. she also mentioned that if they felt i was at any risk they would “take the babies TODAY.” darin and i looked at each other in disbelief. i definitely was not mentally prepared for the babies to come t o d a y. so we drive over to lds hospital and they have me change in to a gown in the actual labor room. it felt pretty surreal and i started to get nervous that it would actually be happening that day. my blood pressure stayed high for awhile which i am convinced was due to the setting we were in and thinking that the babies might be making an appearance. a few hours in and my blood pressure starts looking better. then dr. byno shows up! she tells us that if i have 2 more spikes within the next hour, she’s going to take them out.

LONG story short – the babies were born !

may 28th 2015

i’ll be posting the entire birth story as soon as i have some free time. until then, i’ll be figuring out how to breast feed two new borns!!!

i can hardly believe it. 36 weeks today. we MADE IT! this was our ultimate goal in the very beginning and we did it.

i have to say, i could not have done this with out my husband, darin. he has been so incredibly helpful and understanding through this entire pregnancy. he stayed calm when i was being irrational, he picked up milkshakes for me on the way home from a 10 hour work day, he rubbed my back or feet any time i needed it. he has made me feel beautiful no mater how big i was feeling (and actually getting!). he has made sure that i have been taken care of for the past 9 months – physically and emotionally. i know that he has played a big part in this pregnancy being such a breeze. i haven’t had a thing to stress about. he has been so happy with me through out this entire journey. and it is at the point where he is doing almost everything for me now and i know that can’t be easy when you’re working over 50 hours a week, but he is doing it. so i have darin to thank for helping me to keep these babies baking for 36 weeks. he has been my everything and i am so incredibly happy that my babies will have him as their daddy.

we had an appt with dr byno last week and she checked my cervix finally! (this wasn’t so fun, bytheway) no sign of labor whatsoever. baby girl looks like she is headed booty down so we have a scheduled cesarean on june 5th. that’s in two weeks! however, i have been feeling like i would be fine going until they are ready to come on their own. i’ve never been super comfortable with the idea of inducing so i don’t know how i feel about having them cut out on a scheduled date. i would feel better if i went in to labor naturally and then headed to the hospital for the cesarean. we’ll see what my dr says next week though. my main concern is the babies health so whatever dr byno suggests – i will do! non-stress tests are weekly now and so far so good on those.

so whats happening:: i am huge and it’s all in the belly, and so incredibly uncomfortable at times. sleeping can be rough but you just gotta find the right positions for your body! if i had a recliner i would be in heaven. i’ve sat in a couple and could have stayed in them for HOURS, maybe even days. but i don’t and so i makeshift with pillows. if i get pregnant with twins again i will absolutely be purchasing a recliner to sleep in towards the end.
the water retention is getting worse. my lower legs, ankles and feet can get pretty large if i am standing or even if i just don’t have my feet up. solution:: have husband massage calves to circulate blood flow, drink LOTS of water and keep your feet up!
my skin is stretching pretty good. i really don’t know how i am still growing but it is amazing. i take baths in almond oil and that is helping a lot. it’s so itchy though everywhere!! especially my legs. i read that the hormones your body produces dries out your skin pretty bad. so that’s happening. lots of pure oils and butters all day long!

i am at the point where i feel like they could come at any moment. if we go somewhere i always imagine the scenario of going in to labor and how it would all play out. at the same time – i feel like they could just bake forever! our next appt is thursday so we’ll see what the dr says then. either way, we are ready to go!

we had our final appt with the maternal fetal medicine doctor last tuesday. drum roll please…… the babies are weighing in at:: baby boy 5lbs 13oz! and baby girl 5lbs 9oz!! we could not be happier! the doctor also monitored their little hearts and bellies and saw that they were “practice breathing”. i forget the term she used but basically that is a good sign that if they came today, they would be able to figure out how to breath right away on there own, with no assistance. i am so proud of our little babies. they are so strong! baby boy has done a complete flip and is now head down deep in to my pelvis. he wants out! our little penelope however, wedged herself up into my ribs and is lying there vertical just cozier than ever. she’s not ready for this world yet apparently. so as long as she stays up there we will still be going ahead with the cesarean. my doctor was very honest with me and said she is not comfortable delivering breech babies – there’s too much risk in it. if she decides to drop down and get her head next to brothers though – then vaginal it is! we are now just playing the waiting game.

on thursday i went to my first non stress test. they put monitors on my belly to hear each heartbeat and how they react to my contractions or their own movements. the primary goal of the test is to measure the heart rate of the fetus in response to its own movements. healthy babies will respond with an increased heart rate during times of movement, and the heart rate will decrease at rest. the technician said our babies couldn’t be more healthy. she also told me she hadn’t seen a twin pregnancy this normal and strong in awhile. how did we get so lucky and blessed?? what did we do to deserve this? i ask myself this everyday. the tech then measured their amniotic fluid levels and reported that they were practically perfect. overall, results couldn’t have been better and i left there feeling pretty happy.

so what’s goin on with me at 35 weeks:: this body, that i do not feel is mine anymore, is holding up for the most part. braxton hicks are very constant and some times intense. but not so much painful, just a lot of pressure and tightness. heart burn has arrived but only at night when i am lying down. it wakes me up and kills. there have been a few times where it has literally paralyzed me. we picked up some tums chewy delights and those did not work. we’re going to get the dissolving tablets today so i’ll let you know if those do anything. still having some water retention pretty much everywhere now. usually only is really visible when i wake up and kind of sore. but it’s nothing too bad. carpel tunnel! i had read about this earlier in my pregnancy but i am just now experiencing it. it’s pretty painful but again usually only in the mornings when i first get out of bed. i have to make it a point to sleep with my hands flat out otherwise when i wake up through out the night i can barely open my fists. i didn’t even realize i slept with my hands in fists naturally. oh the things you would never think about. lots of pain in my hips and upper legs. especially when i have been sitting for awhile – getting up is difficult! i some times feel like i am 90 years old. and probably the most discomforting part of this pregnancy at this point is my poor tummy. i really do feel bad for it. it has been stretched to the max, or so i think, and then it grows another few inches! the skin around my belly button is so raw and so thin. i thought i was getting stretch marks but it just looks like some sort of rash! and it’s soooo painful. i was using pure shea butter before but that stings a little now. so i picked up mothers special blend from whole foods market and it’s been saving me these last few days. it’s a mixture of almond oil, cocoa butter, coconut oil and vitamin e oil. it’s extremely soothing right out of the shower. hence why i shower about two times a day now. just so i can get some relief! also, when i lay on my back (which makes it REALLY hard to breath) the babies kind of roll to the sides of my belly and i get major relief on the front end. unfortunately, i can only lay that way for so long before i feel like i am going to pass out from little to no oxygen. other than those handful of discomforts – i feel like this pregnancy has been quite a breeze. it’s amazing what our bodies can do all on their own. which is why i say i don’t feel like this is my body anymore. i have turned it over to the babies and they are just doin’ their thing. stretchin’ their momma out so they can fatten up and come out as healthy as possible!

i heard and read so many stories of twin moms going in to pre-term labor and having problems with the babies, that i assumed we would too. i cannot stress enough, every pregnancy is different. just because the average delivery for twins ranges anywhere from 32 to 35 weeks – does not mean you will delivery early. i am so grateful we have made it this far. i wish i hadn’t been so scared of pre-term labor and the problems that come with it, but at the same time it is good to be educated on ALL of the possibilities you could face in a multiple pregnancy. but don’t let it scare you! know that you can make it full term with your babies – no mater how uncomfortable you get! just set yourself up on the couch with some good movies and snacks and keep telling yourself that you can make it as far as you WANT to make it. obviously there are circumstances that cause pre-term labor but again, don’t assume that because everyone around you had a scary or not so fun experience, that you will too.

we had a great appt last monday with our ob/gyn. she basically told us to be prepared for any day! and so we are. also – we are a definite go for a cesarean delivery. so i am preparing myself mentally for that. i’ve heard from some mommas that the recovery isn’t that bad and then i have heard from others that it is horrible. so we’ll see how my body handles it! my only concern is the medication afterwards. i don’t want any in my body when i am trying to nurse and when i am being with my babies for the first time. so that too, we will see how my body handles.

as for the babies – our sweet boy has his feet straight down in my pelvis! and believe me, that can be fun some days. penelope is right next to him with her little bum down. and SO, if i go in to labor then i can call darin (if he’s at work) and wait for him to pick me up and take me to the hospital. but if my water breaks then i need to call an ambulance and go straight to the hospital in order to keep baby boy from trying to come out feet first. sounds intense.

pretty uncomfortable at 34 weeks but that is to be expected. it’s painful to walk or move around. mostly abdominal and hip pain. i have gained a total of 50 lbs which i never thought would be possible. i gained just 3lbs in this last week so i am hoping that means the babies are fattening up! our next appt with the maternal fetal medicine doctor is tuesday so we’ll get to find out their weights and measurements. fingers crossed they’re over 5lbs each!! i sure do feel like i have 10lbs of baby on there. needless to say – i don’t do much these days besides sit on my couch and read and think about these babies. i am extremely grateful to have a husband that is more than willing to pick up the slack. he has been so helpful and doing absolutely everything for me on top of working long days at the office.

our sweet baby boy is going to be such a snuggler.. how do i know? because he is CONSTANTLY wedging himself up into my right ribs. he loves being up there. i can actually feel him squirming to get in there. this is painful but so dang cute at the same time that i have to laugh about it while clenching my teeth. penelope just loves to play. she usually stays pressed against my tummy and if you push on a limb she will push back and if you stop she’ll run her hand or foot along my tummy looking for you. and she will do this all day long.

symptoms:: i have definitely been having contractions. i believe they’re braxton hicks because they’re not painful. my stomach just gets really tight and hard for about 30 seconds and i feel a lot of pressure before it goes away. i get swollen if i try to do anything or go anywhere. i am definitely retaining water at this point – in my face and neck, hands and legs. gums are super sensitive and bleed a lot when i brush my teeth. i do not sleep! maybe 20 minutes every couple hours but that’s about it. all my momma friends keep asking if i’m constipated yet but luckily enough i have not experienced that! maybe it’s all the water i drink.. who knows. i feel great though!! i really do. aside from the pain that is well worth these two little angels, i just feel happy and so anxious to see them and hold them in my arms.

oh happy mothers day! darin spoiled me with flowers, the sweetest mothers day card and a prenatal massage at the kura door which i will absolutely be using this week. my grandpa came in to town for the weekend from california so the three of us got to go to breakfast for mothers day before he headed out.

i just love these babies so much! we tried for what felt like forever to have a baby and we were blessed with two! i’ll never forget the feelings i had in the two years of trying and not succeeding. it makes me that much more grateful for these little loves of ours. we cannot wait to hold them in our arms and see their little faces.

what’s happening:: getting REAL hard to move around! i can usually get up to wash a couple of dishes but then i have to sit back down and catch my breath. it’s pretty funny. we try and go on walks since i’m not on my feet much anymore. i move real slow.

our next appt with the ob/gyn is monday. we’ll find out their positions and hear their little heartbeats. we’ll also be discussing a birth plan since we’re at the point where we could have them at any time.

i get nervous some days. i’m part of a ‘moms of multiples’ group on face book and all the women that have had their babies tell their stories of how they had a perfectly healthy normal pregnancy, and out of the blue their water broke anywhere from 33-35 weeks. i couldn’t imagine that happening right now! i feel like i have a good few more weeks in me but you truly just never know with twins. i’m just so anxious and curious to KNOW how it will happen for me. will my water break weeks early? will i go all the way to 38 weeks, unable to move because of how big i am? i just wanna know! we’re prepared for anything… maybe not to much mentally, but my hospital bag is definitely packed and ready to go.

::

what i’m wearing? i gave in and bought another maternity shirt, even if i only get to wear it for a few more weeks. i wanted to feel SOMEWHAT cute while i lay around my house, geez.

stretch marks? no, and our skin is absolutely incredible that it can stretch this much and not just rip open. even though sometimes it feels like it could rip open.

sleep? not so much. i wake up in pain from the growing (round ligament pain) and have to sit up in bed till it goes away. some times i can lay back down and i’m fine and some times not. i get a little bummed and then one of the babies will push on me, as if they’re looking for me, and i push back from the outside and i swear we have a real special moment together.

cravings? nothing new really. just trying to eat extremely healthy for the babes. they’re putting on fat now and getting ready to come in to this world!

belly button in or out? kind of non-existent right now.

symptoms? major back ache, round ligament pain and itchiness!

best moment of the week? using our double-stroller! my really good friend, gina came over with her husband and twins – chancy and vanessa. most well-behaved children i have ever met by the way. we had dinner at our place and wanted to walk to get some frozen yogurt so we got to test out our stroller with them in it. i probably got annoying with how much i kept talking about it the entire walk. it was like riding in a brand new car for some people i am sure. baby jogger, city select double! best stroller around. thank you AGAIN grandpa gary (i love you to pieces).

what i am looking forward to: i REALLY really want to get in to a pool at least ONCE before giving birth. i hear it’s such a stress reliever on the bod. i’m hoping SOMEONEs pool opens before they get here!