This site is dedicated to my spiritual and physical journey before and after the death of my husband and the father of my son from cancer. It is about grieving, loving, understanding and sharing, and living in the connection while accepting the physical separation that passing on brings. It is also about moving forward in your life from whatever challenges life hands you and living the life that is wanted for you from above.

Month: November 2015

Many times I wonder if and how my writings are impacting others. I really put myself out there and possibly raise eyebrows sometimes. But here’s the thing. I try my best to be authentic and to share as I feel I have a story to tell. We all have a story and the opportunity to share and to connect with others. My friend here is really speaking to me lately in her blog and her videos. She has the ability to speak plainly about important aspects of our human nature that we can all relate to and learn from. If we all build our individual wall of values and moral standings and then allow a door to let in others to share their opinions, we would vastly improve our connections with people and learn to trust ourselves. Take a listen.

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Its so simple. So easy. There is no complicated mathematical equation. Just a basic principle of All equals One and One equals All.

When we do a good deed towards one person, that effect is just as powerful as if we did it to all of humanity. That is how to solve the problems of this world. When we recognize the power that lies within one good deed towards the other, we realize we have the ability to change the world for the better. One man can help one child. And at the end of his life he wonders if he was good enough during his time on earth because he only helped one child. And Spirit answers back. That one child was Ghandi. Or Jesus. Or Mother Teresa. Or Malala. Or any noble peace prize winner. Or that child grew up to be a great parent, teacher, minister, or astronaut. See?? That one man, by helping one child, helped the world to be a better place. It is the Ripple Effect.

When we see this is possible… And we realize that individually we all matter to the world? Then we will truly understand the concept of All Equals One and One Equals All.

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We see what we look for. We hear what we want to hear. We believe what we want to believe.

We are all now glued to the news shows. The reports are on the terrorist events of recent, politics and campaigning, and how the world is responding. Are we stopping to think that there is a whole world out there where positive things are happening in response to these atrocities along side of this violence, hate, misery, and grief? What is making us a society that wants to focus only on the bad? When did evil and hate and violence become the dominant topic of choice and not love, compassion, helpful acts, peace and sharing? When did our good elemental human aspects fall out of favor in the media and our need to see the negative be allowed to overwhelm our senses of seeing, hearing, feeling, and knowing? Here is my humble perspective for what it’s worth….

I have turned on the TV very few times since Jordon died. Both times were to check the weather forecast or to watch a movie or two. Last week I was glued to the TV watching the violence unfold around the globe. Wow! What a different feeling I have now as I watch what is going on in the world. I feel like I just returned from a space journey to land in a new time. I’ve had enough to deal with on my own little planet with losing my husband to cancer last year and because of that other issues haven’t made my priority list lately. The murder and protests, the refugee crisis, and the state of the world economy that are being portrayed in the media are giving slant and focus to this negativity. This is so telling of where we all are from a mental perspective nowadays. The media is so perpetually negative. It’s not all their fault, as we seek to see what we must protect ourselves from, yet we create a skewed image that builds with time. We are tuning in and plugging emotional energy into the negative and breathing quantum physical life into it all. We see negative images on TV or other media, feel it, and absorb it and some of that energy manifests into our beliefs and value systems. It grows there. We become acclimated to it and accept it as truth.

Well~ it isn’t Truth. We can change what we want to see and believe. We can turn our own minds away from this darkness we feel around us that is omnipresent in the media and into the light if we collectively want to. Negativity has manifested over the years in the media and there are those out there that want to maximize this fear and dread. We have to stand up and stop this energy by the use of love and the need to see the good in the world. We need to seek out examples of the positive. Focus on what we can do to be a more loving, tolerant planet for the greater good. We can do this in a positive fashion with even greater possibilities of transformative manifestation. With personal intent we can refocus that which ultimately serves us better as people, friends, co-workers, families, neighbors, and the larger society. We can change our worldly perspective. Focusing on the positive, the giving, the support, the servitude even in the midst of hellish situations helps the roots of our mind grow to know that love will overcome these past two weeks. Darkness and evil will not win, but they are trying like they never have before. We must be aware of this and respect this energy as a reality. BUT~ We, the Collective Human Race, will win this battle through positive acts and our core understanding that a benevolent God and the universe created us all. We win through knowing that we are all good souls on this earth. Together we will learn who we are, living together in peace and harmony and accepting and enjoying each others unique differences as has and always will be the intention of why we are here to begin with. The media has the power to do this too.

Try to seek out positive examples and let its ripple effect flow into our minds and hearts. Be that person this week that does something good for humanity whether it be big or small. It all matters. It all makes a difference.

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Never give up your spiritual quest to know God! Seek out and find what resonates within you. Just as you are unique, so are the paths to find him. Learn everything that you can learn and never stop that process. We are all spiritual students for life. From spiritual learning and growth, one finds direction and purpose. God comes to us in many forms. He’s not a foreign concept in our minds; rather a familiar something that we gravitate towards and resonate with in our understanding of the world we live in. Through our history, our DNA, our tastes and interests, our families, he finds us and he connects with us.

Truly indeed, God loves us all! We are all his children and we are all worthy of living happy, prosperous, productive, giving lives. This kind of connection is of pure desire borne of love for each of us. This…

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I am so sorry you are looking at losing several friends in a very short time span to cancer. This is very difficult I know for sure. I was privy and witnessed the goodbyes that Jordon made to his friends and his friends to him. I watched their disbelief that this was happening and their sinking hearts when they said goodbye for the last time. It’s an odd feeling physically walking away from a life long friend knowing you will never see them again. The last hug goodbye. The last look in the eye. I know my dear friend. But what I want to tell you is the instantaneous connections that my husband put out to all that he loved after he passed. He visited them in dreams, whistled soft winds over beer bottles in backyard quiet evenings, woke them up and energetically shared some wine with them. Found himself into locker rooms with his friend’s children showing up as his favorite team number. He came through in the form of water and energy and Light. And lastly the night he died, he sent me an email. His words that night were:

Write it down
Write it down, Holly
Write it down.

Your connection has not ended and will not end with these wonderful souls who are going out too soon for our liking. But just know the connection will never be broken. Never severed. Always cherished. Always loved. And most important while you are in this world and they have moved on to the next~ always connected.

Just know I’m here for you, my sweet friend. I love you and so glad you came into my life when I needed you. You were by my side then, and you are today. I wish you peace and comfort for your pain over those you have lost and those you are losing. And know you always have me, as your friend by your side.

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Last week was my son’s last football game for the season. It was an emotional day for many, many reasons. One being my son had done so well during his first season of football ever. I was so proud of him for making the team and for playing a starting position his first season of the sport in his life. See, I pulled him from hockey after 7 years of him playing it to move him back home to the south. He was ready for the change because hockey represented a heavy void in his life because his father passed away from cancer last year. He couldn’t think of hockey without feeling a terrible pain of sadness for the loss of his father. So instinctively we both knew it was time for a change to something positive without the intense, sad, emotional ties to the past. Some people did not respect my decision and did not ask for my son’s feelings about this decision that we both made. It was painful for us to not feel that support that was needed; they did not choose to ask or to understand why we would change our direction.

Along with this closing game of the season came a clarity and realization of the final weaving together of this book of mine that I feel is so long over due. What I did not realize was that it was this week that was supposed to happen as it did with perfect timing. Here’s how the day played out on Heaven’s Watch:

The morning of the gameday was special. There was a special gameday breakfast and I was anticipating the day and feeling hopeful for many things that are starting to come to fruition in my life. I got a call from my grief coach who is also a writer and a widow. I made the commitment to finish the book, was very fired up about it, and I gave myself a lofty goal date of the next week to finish the book. When I got off the phone with her I went onto my blog. I was going to hit 50,000 views that day!!! Pretty significant milestone in my book, so I posted a prayer request on my Facebook page telling my friends what was happening and asking them to pray for help from above and for support from family and friends. Well, I am here to say I got it. And in a big, BIG way later that afternoon!!

I went to my son’s game and after I got settled into my chair I looked up and saw an amazing cloud formation. The clouds looked like they were forming a tunnel. I saw the Light coming through. But all I saw was the tunnel. I felt very strongly I was supposed to take a picture because I could not take my eyes off the tunnel. I quickly snapped the photo with my camera phone and turned it around to look at it. This was the image I saw (look at the Angel standing on the cloud at the bottom of the tunnel):

I was Dumbfounded. Speechless. Shocked. And Amazed. My Angel was there in all his regal beauty. He was there the day I asked for him, requested help from him in a public domain- Facebook that morning. He was watching over my son’s last game of the season. He was showing me that Divine Timing is on Heaven’s Watch, not mine. And this day was the day for me to write the purpose of this book. To reach out to all of you to let you know we really are loved. We have an inclusive, all-encompassing, benevolent, loving God for us all. All for one, and one for all. He does answer our prayers. But we must also be open and believe when we do ask. And we must understand that answer will come to us. It might be what we want to hear and know and experience. It might not. Sometimes our prayers are answered in ways we don’t see in the apparent. But we must have faith to know we are always heard and cared about. We need to be receptive to our intuition that God gave us. Our intuition is the gateway, the doorway, and the window to our connection with him. Don’t second-guess yourself. What you see, feel, and hear, and understand is his communication with you.

So, Heaven also has a sense of humor and loves to lovingly respond back when their communications with us are accepted and shared. So… I saw you Angel. I know you are a Messenger from God. And thank you for choosing me that day to be your conduit. I will share YOU with the world today and share your message with as many people as I can. And when I told him that, he smiled back at me.

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Holly C Barker

My name is Holly Barker and I am the founder of Grief Anonymous, a support organization for grief and loss. I am also the founder of the Grief Resource Network. My husband of 14 years and the father of my son died of Malignant Melanoma skin cancer in 2014. My mission is to write honestly about our journey and to share with those that are going through the loss of a loved one or another challenging experience. I learned through this experience about the process of understanding, accepting what life hands us, and living in the continuum and connectivity to our loved ones that have passed on. If you are stuck and having a difficult time moving forward into the life that is wanted for you from above, follow me on this journey and maybe it will help you, too. Love and Light, Holly