Seems so long.

It seems like forever since i've been on this site, I feel into a bit of depression and pretty much just gave up on everything I enjoyed and alienated myself from everyone. Back n late May and June my eye sight started to worsen to the point that i feared i was finally going blind. I couldn't handle this thought and i shut down from the fear. I stopped doing anything that made me happy, I would just sit starring at my TV trying not to cry.

My Dr was able to stop this problem but not without a slight lose, which as he pointed out will happen each time i have a flare up. After this I started to reflect on my life, what I had done and who I was and to be honest I wasn't really happy. I have wasted much of my life sitting in a room playing video games and drinking til i blacked out to deal with my problems and I don't want this anymore, I want my life to have meaning.

One of the many things i've leaned about myself through my time of reflection is that while I enjoy diapers and the "things" I do in them, I find i don't love them and I'm not really much of an AB, I mainly enjoy the submissive feeling i get when I play with my little side. That's one of the main reasons why i've not been this site is because it's not really geared towards "me" but i'm getting past this, I've made to many dear friends on here that I don't want to lose.

Another thing i've learned is my fascination in Sissy isn't just a fetish or something I "get off" on but instead it's a part of me that's much larger and greater then I ever cared to let myself know, I'm starting to realize and accept the fact that deep down I want to be a girl, not a sissy girl hiding in my bedroom with the lights off and door shut hoping no one see's me, but a real girl standing tall and bright for all the world to see.

I've joined a few Trans support groups given to me by Littlelodgewrecker, who has turned out to be one of greatest supporters during this time for me, and I can't thank them enough!! I've made one new friend in the group who Is helping me with my questions and getting me setup to attend my first meeting. No one know's this side of me outside of my best friend but i'm not sure just how much he remembers from out talks, he was quiet sloshed when we spoke, ok ok we both were! LOL. But i'm hoping one day to open up to those around me, I just to open up fully to myself first.

I know this is going on to long and probably should have been posted in another section of the forum but this is really the only section i use, and the only place I truly feel like i belong.

Wouldn't it be easier if we all "just knew" who we were meant to be? I guess what makes it so special is the pain, finding ourselves at last under all the confusion. It's a confusing journey, and it looks like you've found the way home.

It must have taken a lot of courage to come to this conclusion, and whatever happens, I support you. Hang tough, keep looking for answers, and don't go alone. You're awesome, Robin.

I'm sorry to hear you've been with depression and hope you're feeling better now.
Everyone starts out on a path of discovery trying things, finding out what really is for them and may be what's not over time so no one should feel they were mistaken for having tried one thing - for your the DL - and discovered it wasn't you.I tried a site (out of respect I won't mention names) only to find it really wasn't somewhere I liked. I tried the Rhumba panties thing around that time and it wasn't me but then after a bit of reflection I realized I was more school aged girl and that's working out well but i don't regret anything.
Hugs

Thank you all so much for the kind words, they really do put a smile on my face.

Yes i'm doing better now, still not great but it's a start, i'm meeting several new friends who are very helpful in my journey and i'm truly grateful everyday now for what I have and what I have to look forward to in the future.