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Monthly Archives: November 2012

Many people are observed to be going after money, whether small or big. But there are exceptions. Recently I came across such a case. Jaipur city has a general tradition of decorating the markets, providing gates and colourful lighting all around on buildings, monuments, gates and shops etc during Diwali festival for about 5 days. A large number of persons, both locals and tourists enjoy these decorative lighting arrangements, along with their purchasing work, if any. However, there are restrictions for plying and parking of both 2 and 4 wheelers during this period. We live in a colony far away from the city centre. One of these days we reached the city centre with a view to see these decorative lighting arrangements. Since the distance to be covered for this purpose was long enough, walking was difficult. So we tried to hire a rickshaw. We settled with one rickshaw and he took us along. He was a very good, pleasing and talkative person. On his own, he showed the photographs of some of the big decorated gates, on his mobile, taken in the late night hours. He was flexible enough to agree to our requests to make changes in the routes, stop any where for some time for a closer view, wait and adjust for a better view. His actions were as if he was doing for his own benefit, but he was doing it for us. He also narrated to us the views of the common man, about the quality of this lighting, which we do not come to know otherwise. Finally at the end of the travel, we thanked him as his attitude was very positive and pleasant. We offered him some additional amount in appreciation, which we may call as tip, but he politely refused to accept it. He appeared to be satisfied with his hard earned money and wanted nothing more than that. We were wondering about the greed of many other persons to get richer and richer somehow or the other, by right means or wrong means, in contrast to this person, who was gleefully satisfied with his small but rightful earnings.

Building up trust takes years, but breaking it is instantaneous. Also once broken, it is very difficult to mend it and even if it is restored, original condition can’t be brought back again. As a freelance writer, I have been writing for several journals and other publications. I visited one organization (let us call it A), which wanted me to review their books. I reviewed three of their books and these were edited, published and also paid for. When I visited them again for continuation and enlargement of the scope of work and association, I was given four books for writing their reviews. I was also requested to review their books in pre-publication stage. I agreed to all of their proposals. But for reasons not known to me, my reviews of these four books sent to them were later neither acknowledged nor published. My reminders were not replied, except at one stage when it was stated that the scripts are under consideration. My reviews of these four books were never published. The books for pre-publication review were never received by me. There was no communication from them about the quality of the reviews, in case they had any reservations. Per force I stopped all dealings with them, due to the breach of trust. Their marketing department went on sending reminders one after another requesting me to subscribe to their journal on an annual basis. I did not respond to any of their letters. Their letters kept on coming for almost three years, including one letter from their Chief executive, but I did not budge an inch. One of the published books of another organization (called B) was reviewed by me and then posted on a web site. When intimated by me, instead of appreciating, I was questioned as to how I had reviewed their book, without their permission. I explained to them that no such permission is needed. Later, on their own, they requested me to review one of their books and get it published in an appropriate journal, which I did. The review was published in a journal of repute and I also arranged for them, a complimentary copy of the particular issue wherein this book-review was published. They seemed to be satisfied. Neither this publisher made any payment nor did I request for the same. Then they wanted me to review several of their books, but were unwilling to make any payment. So I regretted to review their books. Till date I have not reviewed any more of their books. I was writing for another journal (called C), which had suggested and agreed to my writing thematic articles for them. Two of such articles written by me were published by them and copies of these particular issues were received by me. The third article was also approved already but was not being published for a long time. Several of my reminder e mails were not being replied at all, for reasons not known to me. After a long time, it was finally published but then I stopped all my dealings after that publication. During my writing activities, I have also come across some other publications which did not reasonably respond to writer’s communications/letters, asked postage for return of scripts, did not pay at all, did not meet commitments, took the writer for granted and broke the trust in some way or the other. Such actions definitely hurt any writer.

One of my gardeners was a widower. He was working in a school as a gardener, but in the spare evening hours, he would work in some bungalows. He was sincere in his work. He had only one son. His wife having died early, the father was looking after the child right from the beginning. He gave all his love, advice, guidance, food and toys etc. for him. He appeared to be a dull child, who would not like to go to school and run away from there. One fine morning at the age of about 9 years he disappeared from the house. Searches were made in the near about areas and also FIR was lodged with police, but with no results. About 3 years passed in the mean time. One day the father got a letter from the In-charge of some rehabilitation centre for such “run-away children”. In spite of having little funds at his disposal he went there (about 800 Kms away) and saw his child in that centre. The son and the father recognized each other. The son informed that after leaving the home, he had travelled without ticket and so the TTE removed him from the train at this station. He was then seen by some person, who engaged him in his restaurant for the work of cleaning utensils with small amount as salary but with free food. He continued to work there, until one day, when such run- away children were brought to the rehabilitation centre for identification and restoration to their families. The father then brought his son to his home, advised and pleaded that now he should not leave the home at all and that he will arrange all the required things for him. A few months passed but the child was getting restless to go away again, which he did soon. He suddenly disappeared once again. Similar searches were made, complaints given, earlier hotel checked up but he could not be traced. The father then reconciled to the situation, having a feeling that his son won’t come back again. He decided not to make any more efforts to locate him and left the things to God. The boy did not come back and most likely may not come back at all. As the whereabouts of the child are not known, the father is all alone to pass the rest of his life. A very old but sad story indeed.

Marriage is a contract and its success is mainly based on mutual trust. While marriage is a happy event, as it unites two hearts and two families, its failure affects all of them and worst of all, the children born out of this marriage. While friends and relatives are invited at the time of marriage with lot of pomp and show, but no such function for annulment of marriage has been heard by us. It speaks clearly that the latter event is not welcome. As clapping requires two hands, success in marriage needs cooperation from both sides. There are several methods of marriage, but the two most prevalent are arranged and love marriages. Generally arranged marriages are performed after lot of effort, discussion, checking, verification, comparison, matching of standards of two families (and in India also matching the horoscopes of both persons) but in love marriages it may not happen so.

Generally the initial years of married life are good, in spite of difficulties of any type. Even if the resources are inadequate, the couple makes adjustments within the available means. But later on, the things may take an ugly shape. One important point is the joint family or nuclear family system, being followed in the individual case. There are positive & negative points for both systems, from the points of view of security, independent living, help in times of need, differences in utilization of money of all members, availability of residential accommodation & practical considerations. Differences could be of various types, but if these are not tolerated by the persons, these could lead to failure, break-up, separation & divorce. Once having accepted each other as husband & wife, in as is condition, such differences should not matter, but unfortunately these do matter. One of the major reasons is incompatibility of the two persons Very high level differences in levels & types of education, wealth or status may be able to cross the initial hurdles during love marriage but in the long run there may be problems. With clash of egos of the two persons & no willingness to make adjustment, there are problems, quarrels, silence, hatred and disaster.

Birth of a child is said to cement the relationships of husband and wife and other family members. But when as a result of the wedlock, a child is not born, there may be serious problems likely to cause break-ups. But for this purpose, services of modern medical science can be effectively utilized for controlling and spacing birth of children, investigating, taking remedial actions for treatment of husband or wife or both. But sometimes in spite of children, (or in absence of children) poor management of relationship may result in lack of trust, respect and love between the husband and wife, leading to open criticism, pulling of legs and hatred between the two. Such cases cause maximum suffering to the children. These may also cause poor health of both the persons and in some cases, also extra-marital relationships, either in case of husband or wife or both, wherein they seek comfort somewhere else. It more or less means that marriage is over and dissolution in the form of separation or divorce is not far away. Both the persons should get alerted and reconciled in time and not get estranged. They should forget and forgive each other and start a new and happy life, if required, with the help and guidance of elderly persons and/or marriage counselors at appropriate time. Reconciliation must be tried in all sincerity, by all concerned, but if it is not possible at all, legal separation should be done peacefully with no hurt feelings, with the husband and wife continuing to be friends still, even after legal separation.

Some individuals and organizations endear themselves by their verbal and written responses, communications and actions and leave a deep impact on us. It was the year 2003, when my self and my wife were visiting our son and his family in California, USA. Our son made a tour request to the plant of M/S New United Motor Manufacturing Inc. (NUMMI) in Fremont, California. The Tour coordinator Ms. Teresa Marisco confirmed the tour for 3 persons for Aug 27, 2003 at 1000 A .M. She also gave some suggestions like wearing closed toe shoes (optional) and drew our attention to some other requirements like arriving ten minutes earlier, cautioning about traffic, intimating if unable to attend, providing safety glasses and smoking being prohibited etc. But due to some last minute health emergency problem in the family, on Aug 26, 2003 my son made a request to reschedule the visit, as per his e mail dt. Aug 26, 2003. It was nice of the tour coordinator to reschedule our visit on Sept 02, 2003 as per her e mail dt. Aug 29, 2003, but she added one more line “Hope things are better with you and your family.” Her concern for us and our health touched a chord within us and we were overwhelmed by the human touch. She also enquired if the rescheduled tour date was OK for us. When we finally visited the company on Sep 02, 2003 and met the tour coordinator, we found her a very good human being. We thanked her profusely for her expression of concern as also for the excellent tour arrangements, explanations and the coverage, in this world-class quality cars and trucks manufacturing facility. We returned deeply impressed with the entire set-up, the tour, and the question and answer session.