Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

I'm new and scared.

Hi everyone.. I am new at this and I'm not even sure if I am being abused or if I am just overreacting, My fiance yells at me all the time and calls me names infront of our 2 year old too. He tells me I am lazy and don't do enough around the house and when I do what he asks he finds something else to be angry about. Doesn't matter if I ask a stupid question or do something he has asked me not to... It doesn't matter if I havent even said hello to him that day yet I have already done something wrong in his head.
I want to get this posted while he is in the shower but I have so much more to write and ask about... but it will have to wait I guess...

I don't think you are overeacting at all. The yelling, names calling, criticizing and finding fault are all forms of abuse. Welcome to DS. You find info and support here. You've definitely come to the right place. Keep in touch.

Hey. Just the fact that you are afraid and hurrying to write this before he gets out of the shower sends a red flag up. He definitely sounds abusive both verbally and emotionally. If you can check out the site www.youarenotcrazy.com.

No one deserves to be called names, yelled at, or put down. You are a human being and deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.

I questioned myself at first, too, but soon learned that even the slightest of comments that hurt you or frighten you in any way are abusive. There is a good site mentioned on here to visit, and look around at others, too. Each one will verify that you are in an abusive relationship.

Keep in mind that what he says to you is affecting your child as well. I have a three-year-old and I've received a lot of advice to get out of this relationship not only for me, but for him, too. If your child is a boy he will grow up thinking it is okay to treat a woman the way your fiance treat you, and if it is a girl she will think is okay to be treated this way.

I suggest talking to someone in your community about your situation, and getting the help you need to either stand strong against him or get out. Also, keep talking to us on here; this site has been absolutely wonderful for me as I've dealt with my husband's abusive behavior. The people, the advice... very helpful.

Hi Georgy. Your partner sounds like a very unhappy chappy. and is trying to bring you down with him.
You look like a really lovely person. You DON'T deserve to be treated like that.
I hope you find the strength within to resolve this.

The posts are right here. You really have to decide if you want to be with him for the rest of your life and live like this. You are already in fear. I mean the emotional scars cut deeper and they are the hardest to heal also. I dont want you to live a life like this in danger for your own well being.
I would seriously reconsider this marriage with him and actually get out of the relationship. Thre is something wrong with him emotionally and he is dragging you down deeper than himself and he needs to heal himself if tht is possible.And before you marry him I think you need to get the problems fixed first. Marriage does not make it better I can and many others here will be able to vouch for that. I thought it would I thought after we got back to america and got married etc etc things would improve and tht it was just the stress of it all. Well I was wrong and 5 years later I was left thinking it was my fault on meds for severe depression and anxiety. My children are in therapy (5 and 9) for the damage it has doen to them emotionally and he left me with piles and piles of bills and eviction from our home etc etc. I dont want to see you go down that road. First remember you have not done anything wrong! And that you are perfect and wonderful and smart. Dont let him tell you otherwise. And you are a lovable person and there is always something better out there for you than having to put up with getting berated and yelled at and walking on eggshells to make life bearable!

Hey, Thanks everyone for the replies I didn't expect any actually. Things are better today. I stayed up lastnight and made him lunch for today (something I haven't done in a long long time) and he was very appreciative. Hopefully this mood will last for awhile. I'm still not sure on how to navigate this website so if anyone wants to msg me or chat feel free. I am always around. :)

Georgy. I would have to say the vast majority of the people in this room have started out exactly like you...Wondering if they were being abused, or if, as our abusers tried to make us feel, we really deserved it......

No one deserves to be treated as less than a human being, yelled at called names, found fault with all the time. And you don't either. And they are good at raising the bar...when you do what they ask, it's not enough...they find something new to rage about....

You are in a good place here. You will get a lot of information. Stay safe...keep your child safe....Welcome to DS....we are all here for you and each other.

Wow, that is abuse and you should not have to take it. For me, the last straw was when my ex-husband swore at me in front of the kids. That is disgusting and should never happen between two people who love and respect each other in a healthy way.

I agree with the below poster, something is very wrong if you're having to hurry and get off the computer before he sees you. You have a 2 yr old and you need to protect your baby. Even though your baby is 2, they still understand anger and it will effect him/her in the long run. Please take care of you and your baby.

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