What does your husband really think of your wobbly bits?

It’s taken over 200 years, but the Brits have finally figured out a way to ruin our Thanksgiving festivities. The Daily Mail newspaper in the UK has come out with an article titled, “What does your husband REALLY think of your wobbly bits?” For those of you who are asking, “How come the English people can’t talk English right if they are English?” we will explain.

“Bits” in the case of this article are body parts, specifically sexual body parts, specifically sexual body parts that age differently than any other body parts. Other body parts generally stay attached to wherever they started and hold their shape in such a way as to continue to be recognizable. Bits relocate, deflate, and may actually disguise themselves as bad carbs, like pancakesor muffins.

The Daily Mail article takes married couples, presents them completely nude, and proceeds to ask each of them to discuss their spouses’ body parts, aka “bits,” so that most of the rest of the world can have, as the English say, a “jolly good time.” For those of you who need the definition of “jolly good time,” we say get lost in your refrigerator and leave us alone. You don’t deserve to see naked people anyway.

Back to the couples. There is very little discord, mainly because if you are completely naked and get pissed off with someone, there are very few places to go. But Louise and Adrian test the limits. When asked which of his wife’s body parts is his least favorite, Adrian responds “Her belly.” Louise counters by calling Adrian “Pudding Belly.”

Kieran, a life coach thinks his wife Deborah is, of course, “perfect.” Deborah, a beauty training school owner, responds by having a long mane of blond hair extensions, perched atop a deep orangy-russet colored body.

Denise would like her husband, Christopher, to be “slimmer around the shoulders.” She does not elaborate on this, but the possibility exists that they live with a colony of mole rats and of course, fat shoulders would be a disability in those tiny underground tunnels.

Yasmin on John’s feet: “When he was a young child, I don’t think his parents looked after his feet and his toes are slightly deformed.” This should be a lesson to all parents: Look after your children’s feet, please, so as to avoid toe deformity.

John on Yasmin: “…She’s put on a bit of weight recently but as most of it has settled on her breasts, that’s no bad thing…” Yasmin, also known as Torpedo Tits, now has trouble standing upright.

Mark and Karen are the only young couple represented. They are completely fawning over how perfect the other person is and this writer doesn’t understand why people like this are encouraged to flaunt themselves around people who are mid-40s to early 60s. Karen thinks Mark, is “aging really well.” She probably has a lot more to say about how “really well” they are both aging, now that they have reached the ripe old ages of 32 and 38, and have avoided growing humongous breasts and pudding bellys. But her words are soon smothered by a stampede of naked jiggly flesh, skinny shoulders, and other assorted unsavory bits that gleefully pounce on her. Thank goodness.

Renee: Very cute. I laughed out loud because I tried to imagine my husband and myself in that picture. TMI is right. At 63, naked is way over-rated. On the other hand, who knew the Brits were more free with their “bits and pieces.” All the best from one humorist storyteller “ol’ lady” to another. 🙂

Renee: I’ve linked this post to my Thanksgiving post because I used the term “wobbly bits” and I want my readers to have that extra chuckle which you give here. I gave a “shout out” to you, as well. Hope you like it. Coming out in about 20 minutes. Cheers! ET

Oh, my! Were they paid to do this? I am trying to decide how much money it would take for me to do this…….and I have come to the conclusion that I don’t believe that there is any amount of money in this world that would convince me to do this. I have trouble going out without a coat or sweater over my basic clothing.

Another Landmark article in the deteriorating British Print Press, possibly a case of trying to ‘keep up with the Murdoch’s’.
Then again, the Brits have always excelled in the ‘nudge, nudge,wink,wink, know wot I mean?’ style of humour, it did make me wobble my wattles but, I like your commentary better.
BTW ORANGE skin? does anyone seriously think that looks like a tan?

We Americans have traditionally viewed the Brits as stuffy and prudish. Well it seems to my that centuries of working on themselves has proven they are far more well-adjusted than we are in accepting the aging process!

Ha! Wow. Peppermeister is no fool. He has never, EVER said anything negative about my appearance, despite my massive (truly, like whole-person-size massive, and I don’t have pregnancy as an excuse) weight fluctuations over the 8+ years we’ve been together.

I love the Brits and their bits. Ok I just love bits, wobbly or no. Well, I like to talk about bits. I don’t actually want to be surrounded by them 24/7 or anything. Well, my bits I do. I’d hate for them to fall off or some such atrocity.

Anybody know what the British divorce rate is? I’d be adding to those numbers if anyone mentioned my wobbly bits. Or the 30 year old tattoo of a butterfly on my right breast that now looks like a .great grey heron.

“Bits” is a term used in Australia as well and the colour of Deborah’s skin is commonly referred to as “tandoori”. For some reason there is a whole colony of people who think that it is attractive especially when combined with bleached hair – yuk!! People with very fair skin who think that looking like they have rolled around in tandoori paste is more attractive than their natural alabaster colour……..

By the way, middle age eyesight (i.e, reading without my glasses) and the pic being somewhat small, I thought that Deborah’s partner was female and couldn’t help thinking what an awful body s(he) had.

I will probably be the only one who approves of the bodies – well, only the female ones (with the exception of the tandoori) and I think the mens bodies are much more decrepit looking. No wonder I like my men younger (and firmer) and who appreciate my voluptuousity.

The tandoori stands out (more than the other bits they’ve got pressed down). That was the first thing I thought when I saw the photo. “Hokey smokes…I’ve got to get a tan on my crepey white body. That way I won’t look so one-foot-in-the-grave.

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