Because knowing myself is harder than I expected.

The Gift of Forgiveness

My precious friend Pam is now blogging just about every day. Today’s post was titled The Gift of Forgiveness, and it struck a chord with me. You see, I didn’t blog much about it at the time, but a year ago next Sunday was the day my church experienced a division.

In that, a seemingly insignificant action of mine blew up and caused serious problems with people I loved. It hurt some people who had been good to me for a long time, and it impacted at least four people seriously. I asked forgiveness of two of them a year ago, but didn’t really understand the need to ask it of the other two.

What’s so interesting is that the ones I asked it of a year ago said they forgave me, but their actions speak the opposite. The ones I didn’t ask, their behavior says they released me to God long ago.

Be that as it may, I finally felt convicted to ask their forgiveness tonight, a whole year later. Better late than never? Perhaps. I don’t expect a response from them, especially since none of the people involved are part of my life anymore, but I needed to ask for myself, for my obedience, and for my own healing.

It’s hard to close a door when so much remains unsaid. I miss those people, all of them, very much. It becomes more painful as the time passes, a small proof that my heart is being resurrected. I didn’t know resurrection would hurt quite so much.