Talk about video games, movies, music, news, and technology without wading through a thousand dumb kids and dozen exclamation points after each sentence. Try it out for a few days and remember what it's like to breathe Internet air without getting two lungs full of stupid.

Dear Detour, you are invited to my birthday party at the Casa Bonita in Lakewood, CO, in that one country on the North American continent that everyone seems to dislike right now. It will be on March 24th of the coming year. It is necessary that you ride a flying boat that will take you over the ocean and the mountains so that you can make it. If you're not there, i will be sad.