Microsoft Corporation today announced a new line of computer input devices
to replace the "mouse" currently used by millions of computer owners. Roger
Trac of Microsoft made the announcement today at the Compucon meeting in
Reno, Nevada.

The new pointing device
is to be known as a turtle. The turtle has several advantages over the mouse,
according to Trac. "As an ectotherm, the turtle requires only about 1/10
of the food that a mouse does, and it produces fewer droppings as well" said
Trac. He continued "Our field service personnel were noticing a lot of mice
failures due to people not feeding their mice. The turtle will thus last
10 times as long before it fails."

Users will notice few differences in operation according to Trac. Performance
may be a factor for some users, though; in a demonstration at the show, response
time of the reptile was slower than that of the rodent. One area of improvement,
however, is the new ergonomic design. The larger size of the mouse should
reduce cases of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. Microsoft is downplaying this aspect
of the redesign, however, and Trac claims that the software giant has not
had any reported cases of CTS since they replaced carp as the pointing device
in 1980.

Reports from inside the company said that a number of alternative pointing
devices were tried before the turtle design was adopted. One device, code-named
Willard, was a larger version of the mouse. Although it had the same ergonomic
advantages of the turtle, it also had large dietary requirements, and, industry
insiders claim, "grossed people out". A device based on a cobra was "not
user friendly". Other snake-based designs were pursued, however, with the
company betting that such a product could potentially "gobble up the competition"
according to an inside source. Company sources deny reports that a wireless
pointing device based on amphibian technology is in the works.

Trac refused to confirm reports that he is a cousin of Microsoft founder
Bill Gates. He was also unable to explain the laughter coming from
other Microsoft booths at the conference.