Thursday, November 3, 2016

Family support and addiction recovery: Moving through fear

In every story about heroes, from the Greek
myths to modern day adaptations like Star Wars in order to grow the hero has to
confront their fears, battle with that fear and ultimately move beyond that
fear. In order to conquer the demon you must face it head on, see it for what
it is and master the fear.

Here,
we explore how you cancope
with addiction within the family. Take you own hero’s journey and
let go of the fear that is holding you back. Fear of change. Fear of things
staying the same. Fear of others. Fear of ourselves. Then, we invite your
questions or comments aboutaddiction and the family at the end. In fact, we try to respond to all
comments with a personal and prompt reply.

Moving
Through Fear: A Guide To Letting Go!

Fear is a powerful motivator, but frequently it
motivates us in the wrong direction, away from things that allow us to grow,
keeping us from opportunity. This is especially true for people who grew up (or
are growing up) in homes with alcoholism or addiction. Why? Because we have
been trained to understand that the things we are afraid often come true.

The
Monsters Are Real

When
you arebeing
raised with alcoholismor substance abuse in the
mix, there really are monsters. You learn early on that it is best to live life
in a way that keeps the monsters away. The problem is that as we grow the
things that were true when we were young may not be true anymore, and living
our lives based on those fears means that we are living limited by our past. To
live a fully engaged life, we have to learn from the past but we also have to
let go of the things that have stopped protecting us and now prohibit us from
reaching our full potential; old fear has to go!

How to overcome monsters like alcoholism in
real life ?

5 Steps
For Families In Addiction Recovery

1.
Face the demonlpline

What are you afraid of? This is not always an
obvious answer so get into your childhood mode and start asking “why”. If you are
resisting doing something new, or unwilling to take on a different kind of
challenge, or if your immediate reaction to something is to say “no” explore
this-ask yourself why over and over until you can get to the root of what is
making you uncomfortable. You don’t have to change your mind, you just want to
get to a point of understanding.

2.
Explain the reason for the fear.

Once you have got down to the root of the
discomfort, explain it why yourself just
the way you would explain it to another person if they were sitting in the room
with you.

3.
Argue with yourself.

Apply logic. Does it really make sense to hold
onto this fear with the people and circumstances of your life today? Does it
still apply? If you were told over and over that you couldn’t or shouldn’t or
were bad are those things actually true today? Is there evidence to support
this or is it just an old story?

4.
Reject/Replace/Receive based on what you just learned.

After you looked at the fear and taken a chance
to understand where it came from and whether or not it is still true make a
decision about what you are going to do with this information. If it isn’t true
and doesn’t fit your life anymore then Reject it. If it’s really just an old
habit and there is something new that applies to your life, Replace that old
fear with what is true for you today.

5.
Work with the fear.

Finally, maybe the fear is still applicable to
your life, maybe you have more work to do, that’s okay; allow yourself to
embrace the fear, Receive it in your life and accept that it is something you
have to work with. Simply by acknowledging it you may give yourself the
opportunity to ask for help, ask for comfort, seek guidance and find ways to
start letting it go.

It is
not easy

This isn’t an easy process. Here is my own
example: I get uncomfortable when I have to rely on someone else to do
something, whether this is building a piece of furniture or taking out the
trash. I’m afraid I’m not going to get what I want and I am not going to be
taken care of. I don’t trust that the other person will do what they say, and
I’m afraid they won’t like me because I asked.

Why?

Because
I grew up in a house with substance abuse , family dysfunction and addiction. The adults who raised me
didn’t follow through on what they said. Then they would tell me I was a bad
person for asking.

It was winter..

As an adult, I had to look at whether or not
this was a reasonable behavior to expect from my spouse, co-worker’s or other
adults. With a lot of exploration I realized it was not reasonable behavior and
I could reject the fear that prevented me from trusting others, I could replace
that feeling with what was true now-sadness at how I had been treated as a
child and disappointment when someone doesn’t follow through, and I was able to
receive a new depth in my relationships because I was no longer showing up with
old fears.

Coming face to face with your fears can be terrifying; ;
realizing that you don’t have to be controlled by that fear means that you can
come out of that dark tunnel to glorious new opportunities for living your
life. That’s why we are here at Shafa Home to help get you started.