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Social Entropy++: AWESOME POST in "Long Live Nedroid! [Webcomic Thread]", by Rolo

GoatmonYou Are An ExperienceMake Sure You're a Good ExperienceRegistered Userregular

I have been attempting to reach you on the mobile phone for the fifteenth time this night. I have called and left numerous messages, and even used the text function on my mobile phone to save you time and the inconvenience of answering during the social gathering you are at.

Despite my sincerest attempts, you have failed to respond to my request to identify your whereabouts, your social clique, and in what manner you have partaken in festivities tonight.

Do not take me for a fool, as a trusted confederate has followed and documented your actions throughout the night and I promise severe consequences for all treacherous deeds.

Indeed, arriving at 5:00 am from a previous night of merriment has only piqued my awareness to something afoot. As such, I am forced to take drastic measures to confirm your fidelity or treachery. When you arrive home, please remove your trousers, so I may detect if you've attempted to hide your adulterous ways through washing your phallic member with soap and water. Although extreme, I insist on this being the sole method of confirming the truth.

My resolve to use such drastic measure were only reinforced when you left me at home alone to enjoy the company of other women. If it is your decision to stop our relationship, perhaps I would have been more forgiving if you have had the courage to tell me that we are no longer a couple. Instead, I must be left in doubt as you fail to answer my phone calls; that makes it that much more painful.

And so, I imagine that while I am sleeping, you are attempting to court women of ill repute. Indeed, as promised, my confederate has photographic documents confirming my deepest fears. As I hear it, you were suggestively dancing with a harlot named Diamond, and attempted to impress her with your wealth and loosen her defenses with liquor. It is time for you confess to your lies.

I have contemplated murder over your disrespect towards me. It would be heinous for you to attempt coitus with me after you have had adulterous relations with another woman. Your repeated denials are for naught.

As such I must once again insist that when you arrive home, to remove your trousers, so I may detect if you've attempted to hide your adulterous ways through washing your phallic member with soap and water. Although extreme, I insist on this being the sole method of confirming the truth.