'Ironside' (Blair Underwood) is wheeling himself off NBC, which canceled the remake because of low ratings. / Vivian Zink, NBC

by Robert Bianco, USA TODAY

by Robert Bianco, USA TODAY

Here's a new TV rule you probably never thought we'd have to make: Don't trash the dead.

For NBC, which recently tried and flopped with dismal remakes of Bionic Woman and Knight Rider, that means removing its corporate mitts from Ironside, Raymond Burr's late-'60s hit that is fondly (if, perhaps, vaguely) remembered by older viewers and completely unknown to younger ones. Given that built-in lack of interest, any revival at all would seem to make little sense. An atrociously clunky one that keeps only the rough outline - a wounded detective confined to a wheelchair - while jettisoning whatever wit and intelligence the original possessed makes no sense at all.

But then, when has that ever stopped TV?

To be fair, Ironside (* ¬Ĺ out of four; NBC, Wednesday, 10 ET/PT) could very well succeed: Stranger things have happened, particularly in weak time slots. Whether it can become less dreadful in the process is an open question, but nothing in Wednesday's opener would cause one to answer "yes."

Blair Underwood steps in here as an angrier, far more sexually charged Ironside, a star New York detective shot in the line of duty. Thanks to a huge settlement with the city, he's been given his own building and handpicked team - played by Pablo Schreiber, Spencer Grammer and Neal Bledsoe. He's also been given a boss (Kenneth Choi) who spends the opening hour whining predictable lines such as "There are procedures, dammit, and they need to be followed."

Rules, of course, mean nothing to this newer, tougher Ironside, who is introduced as he's beating up a suspect in the back of a police car. ("Are you really a cripple?" "You tell me.") And you'll be happy to know the same disrespect for the rights of the accused extends to his colleagues, who think nothing of breaking into an apartment without a warrant because warrants are only for those who whine about procedures. And that, of course, doesn't apply to Ironside, who expends taxpayer money Wednesday on a murder investigation even though he apparently already knows the outcome.

Lest you think Ironside is only interested in dispensing justice through whatever means possible, mixed with the occasional wild sexual encounter, our hero also has a crime-solver "superpower" akin to The Mentalist'sfake-psychic intuition and Elementary's advanced powers of deduction. He can spot evidence from his chair that other officers miss.

"I have a different view of the world from down here," he explains - which would indicate, as a manager, that he should be advising his staff to bend down now and then.