As the spirit moves me. 😃

Please Welcome #RRBC Spotlight Author, Mary Adler

It’s my great pleasure to host #RRBC and #RWISA author, Mary Adler. Below, you will find a touching piece that tells how one writer keeps the loved ones who have passed on alive in her world(s).

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YOU CAN GO HOME AGAIN

PART ONE

Everyone from my childhood family is gone. No aunts, uncles, parents or grandparents. When my last aunt died, I realized there was no one in the world who remembered me as a child. The blonde curls, untying the chickens who wrecked my grandmother’s dining room instead of escaping, the precocious words, the broken bones. No one knew how old women in head scarves reminded me of Little Annie Rooney’s Mrs. Meany and kept me glued to my grandmother’s leg, or why I wouldn’t go out when there was a full moon. Of course, there is no one to remember that they had told me the man in the moon ate little girls with blonde hair. Look, see how he’s following you?

When my grandmother died, she took with her the way she saw me, the way I loved to be seen. When Aunt Jane died, she took with her the joy of remembering together our journey to New York or going for car rides on sweltering Pittsburgh nights when we couldn’t sleep.

Each death diminished my life, because although I had my memories, I had no one left to remember them with. I felt as if I had been left behind, alone, while they were all together somewhere, laughing and talking and looking at each other with the love and understanding that grew from years and years of shared joys and sorrows.

I have my own family. Husband, children, their spouses, grandchildren. And my friends. And my dogs. And the memories we have all made together. My children still exist in my world as the ten-year old gymnast, the sixteen-year old world traveler, the six-year old builder of complex cities and as each of the other people they have been through their lives. Really exist. Alive in my memory at a particular place and time, and I cherish all the children they are.

I have found a way to be with the people who are gone. They live in the characters and situations in my mystery novels. When I write a scene about Mrs. Forgione in the kitchen, about her best friend Edna, about Angelo and Harry, I am with my family again, cooking and laughing and sharing stories. I can almost smell the garlic.

When I write, I am with them. Telling them how deeply loved and missed they are, showing the world their kindness and playfulness, their compassion and joy. Sharing with my readers the world I knew when I was a child.

I wish they could read the books. I wish they could know how deeply loved and missed they are. I wish I could thank them for the wealth of stories they told me, for giving me a lens to see the world through.

Actually, I think they do know. Somehow, somewhere in the vast universe.

Mary Adler was an attorney and dean at CWRU School of Medicine. She escaped the ivory tower for the much gentler world of World War II and the adventures of homicide detective Oliver Wright and his German shepherd, Harley. She lives with her family in Sebastopol, California, where she creates garden habitats for birds and bees and butterflies. She is active in dog rescue and does canine scent work with her brilliant dogs — the brains of the team — and loves all things Italian.

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44 comments

Gwen Plano
· January 20, 2019

Oh Mary, what a tender post. With my mom’s passing last year and her sisters’ passing the year prior, I have felt the longing you’ve captured so well. Thank you for the memories and the reverence towards times past.

Such a beautiful post, Mary… It brought back those precious memories with family past and reminded me that I’m here to be the memory maker now. How fortunate I was to have so many beautiful people to make memories with me. Like you, you’ll find some of them in my stories and poems. 🙂 Keep shining! xo

Death diminishes because there is love. It is love that causes us to grieve and ache over our losses. I’ve lost all of my grandparents. I miss each of them to this day. I lost my father. That piece of my life will remain unfilled for the rest of my time on earth. I lost my little brother. This one is the hardest to take. That wound hasn’t been healed in the eight years since he passed. I do have an aunt on my father’s side, and two uncles and an aunt on my mother’s side. I still have my mother and older brother and older sister. Of this, I am thankful. When we love others more than we love ourselves, pain is part of the deal. We are all born to die. We are all mostly going to be forgotten once those who knew us are gone leave this world. That is why it is so vital to live this gift called life while we have the opportunity. Thank you for sharing this incredible piece, Mary. It truly gives one pause for reflection.

Rhani, thank you so very much for being you. You are such a wonderful soul. Thank you for hosting.

Beem, everything you said is spot on! I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your family members, especially your brother. Losing a sibling, especially a younger one, is such a tragedy. I know that the pain of such a loss is something that you will carry with you, always. But I will pray that, with the Lord’s help, it will become easier to bear.
Thank you so much for dropping by and for your very kind words. *Hugs*

I believe we can go home, too. I did the same thing in one of my stories bringing back parts of people who meant so much to me. Beautiful piece Mary and nice to know they are in your books waiting to meet all who read them. Thanks for hosting Rhani!

Shirley, I just remembered that my first job out of college was as a proofreader at an advertising agency. We had stylesheets for each of our clients and included their signature fonts. Ancient history, now. 🙂

Hi, Shirley. I don’t remember where I first saw a stylesheet. It might have been on our college newspaper. They are common in many work environments. The person who edited my first Oliver book created that stylesheet as she and I solved spelling and grammar problems. I think her experience with the people who proof the galleys after the book is typeset prompts her to create them. We did have a few run-ins with the proofreader and the stylesheet helped tremendously. I love that they help me be more efficient. I am bad enough at wasting time. I need all the help I can get to stay on task. 😉

Mary, I enjoyed your story today. You are touching on a subject we don’t often think about, nor talk about; but it gives us something to think about. Did you come up with the style sheet or is it something you learn from a class room? Its good advice. Thank you for sharing. Thanks Rhani for hosting.

Hi Mary. Another wonderful post. I just lost my father before Christmas. His house, my childhood home, is sold and it feels like all those memories are less than real. It’s a weird feeling. Still struggling with that feeling of being left behind, like you say.
Thanks, Rhani, for hosting!

I’m so sorry your father has passed on, Laura. It must be very difficult to also lose your childhood home. I hope you have something of his that gives you comfort and reminds you of him and your family. Thank you for your lovely words.

Hi, Laura, thanks for dropping by. My father died several years ago, but mom just got around to selling her house a year or so ago. You are absolutely right about feeling the loss of memories. I had to go by the house a few months after the new owners moved in and they had repainted the living room. It was a horribly dark shade of red that made the room seem tiny, as opposed to how large it had felt during my years of living there. I wanted to scream at them for ruining it, but I managed to keep quiet. Lol

We have just lost the last of our family’s older generation and a few of my generation. My sister is now the matriarch and there are three of us in the next generation. We miss those who are gone. Wonderful post, Mary. Thanks, Rhani for hosting.

Hi, John, Thanks for taking a few minutes to drop in. I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. While most people want to live as long as they can, doing so means a lot of goodbyes along the way. I love Mary’s idea of keeping those who are gone alive in her books. 😀

Thank you, John. It is interesting to find oneself of the oldest generation of the family. When the family was together at Christmas, my daughter’s mother-in-law and I agreed, though, that it was perfectly fine for us to give up our roles in the kitchen and catch up while my daughters took charge of getting Christmas dinner on the table. It did feel a bit odd, though. 🙂 I suppose we also miss those who are gone even more at times like that.

Oh, Mary! This blog post touched me deeply. It’s true. As the older folks pass on, there is no one to remember us as children. I just lost a cousin who was 84 and the thing I’ll miss the most about her besides her sense of humor is the many stories she could tell. Stories that now no one else knows first-hand. How wonderful that you’ve found a way to keep some of these treasured people alive in your stories. Wow! Thank you! Thanks for hosting this wonderful piece, Rhani!

Hi, Jan. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your cousin. Losing a family member is always tough. And one of the saddest things about the passing of older family members is the loss of their memories, their stories, their traditions and the reason for those traditions. My sister and I were discussing the other day that when my mom is gone, no one will be left in our immediate family who has her knowledge of gardening and canning. It’s so sad to think of all the things that are forever gone each time that heaven gets a new star.

Hi, Mary, I love the way you have brought these memories back to me. My once teaming family has now been reduced to just my brother and me. I am the older, and he is not too young either. 😃 I love staying in touch with him. I know exactly how you feel.
Thank you, Rhani for hosting her.

Mary, it was an absolute pleasure to host you today. I was deeply touched by what you wrote and it brought back a lot of memories for me. What a wonderful way to immortalize loved ones who have passed on! Thank you for sharing that with us and for giving me the privilege of hosting this post.

Hi, Joy. When I was younger, I didn’t realize that my grandparents probably felt the same way about their lives as I do now. I do remember my grandfather’s sadness when he outlived almost all of his friends. It is wonderful that you still have your brother and that you treasure your relationship. Thank you for your words.