I'm going out on a limb to create a new perma-thread, "You Can't Make This Up":

Former queen's pilot to admit double life as killer, sex attacker and underwear thief

BELLEVILLE, Ontario -- The lawyer for a military commander who flew Queen Elizabeth II and other dignitaries around Canada said Thursday his client will plead guilty to murder, sexual assaults and dozens of breaking and entering charges.

UNIONTOWN, Pa. (AP)--Authorities in southwestern Pennsylvania say they charged two men with public drunkenness after they knocked on a police station door. A Uniontown police report said 30-year-old Alan Scritchfield, of Uniontown, and 30-year-old Peter Dominick, of McClellandtown, came to the police station about 9 p.m. Sunday.

A police sergeant said Dominick was slurring his words while Scritchfield was drinking out of a plastic cup. Asked what was in it, Scritchfield allegedly told police, "alcohol, Crown Royal" before saying he was drunk.

OLYMPIA, Wash. (AP) -- A Washington State Patrol manager arriving at the Olympia headquarters for a meeting noticed a book on the seat of a parked car about "how to beat the lie detector." The Patrol said Criminal Records Manager Heather Anderson called the Human Resources division last Wednesday and was told a job candidate was in the process of taking a polygraph exam.

LINCOLN, Neb. (AP)--The Nebraska State Patrol says 15 1/2 pounds of pot was found gift-wrapped following a traffic stop on Interstate 80 in Lincoln. A patrol news release said a trooper pulled over an eastbound car for speeding near the Lincoln Airport exit on Wednesday afternoon. A patrol dog taken to the scene alerted officers to drugs in the rear of the car.

The patrol said troopers then found the marijuana and a half pound of hashish. The drugs had been secreted in two gift-wrapped boxes.

HILLSBORO, Ore. (AP)-- Deputies investigating a possible break-in at an Oregon rock museum were surprised when they stumbled upon a man concealed on the ground by a moss-like camouflage outfit.

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"The K9 tracked to a wooded area and was very interested in a particular piece of ground about a half a mile away from the building," Thompson said in a release. "The dog then bit the ground that in turn cried out in pain."

The officer then realized there was a man hiding at his feet, dressed in a "ghillie" suit, Thompson said. A ghillie suit is a head-to-toe camouflage outfit used by military snipers to blend in with vegetation.

In Houston it's ok to leave marks. In re J.A.J., 225 S.W.3d 621, 630 n.17(Tex.App.- Houston [14th Dist.] 2006) ("Regarding the spanking that left a visible bruise . . . .[W]e are not prepared to hold that a bruise on the buttocks or the back of the legs is, by itself, proof of unreasonable or excessive force.")reversed in part 243 S.W.3d 611 (Tex. 2007).

An Ohio juror listening to opening statements in an assault case suddenly announced she saw the alleged beating and had called 911. The woman was on a 12-person jury in Cincinnati hearing domestic violence and felonious assault charges against 42-year-old James Capell. Najah Johnson-Riddle blurted out Tuesday that she had called 911 after being awakened and seeing a female neighbor being beaten.

A crocodile stashed in a duffel bag got loose on an airplane, frightened passengers and led to a crash that killed 20 people on board, according to an inquiry into the accident.The lone survivor of the crash in the Democratic Republic of Congo told the story to investigators, the U.K.'s Telegraph reported on Thursday. A British pilot was among the dead.

Apparently she picked up a homeless woman and said the woman could sleep in her car, but then the woman died and the owner of the car was too afraid to contact police. For 10 months. No evidence of foul play. The police are unable to ID the woman until they "hydrate the corpse" enough to get fingerprints.

BOULDER, Colo. (AP) -- Police said a Boulder man who told police he woke up to a "bang" and realized he suffered a gunshot wound to his knee likely shot himself while sleepwalking. The Daily Camera reported that 63-year-old Sanford Rothman told investigators he had no clear recollection of the incident early Tuesday morning. No one else was in Rothman's home at the time.

CINCINNATI (AP) -- Police said nurses examining a pregnant jail inmate in Cincinnati found a baby wasn't the only thing she was carrying. Police said 24-year-old January Newport was being prepared for a Cesarean section last month when nurses found hidden in her vagina some 15 pills used to treat anxiety.

Woman attempts to remove her name from spam mail list...no, wait, from the no-fly list...no, not that either. Oh, here we go: from her boyfriend's neck. With a knife.

quote:In an interview, Miner told TSG that he got the 2” x 2” “Tressa” tattoo in late-July and has been dating Amerson for about a year. Asked if he considered Amerson his girlfriend, Miner replied, “kinda, sorta, not really,” before adding, “she’s pretty crazy.”