Quiz: Howstuffworks

Am I Evil Quiz

Zoe Samuel

Image: 101dalmatians / E+ / Getty Images

About This Quiz

Evil is such a relative term. We venerate great men and women throughout history who would be pretty awful people by today's standards. Of course, you can only judge people alive now by the standards we have today. You may have been judged at some time by someone you work with, by a friend, or by your own family. What if they're evil? Would they even be qualified to tell you if you were evil? Sometimes even people with good intentions do things with terrible unforeseen consequences.

To the Vikings, they were saving their communities from starvation and fulfilling the will of the gods. To the Romans, crushing all their surrounding cultures was about making the world safe and orderly so commerce could happen on a larger scale. Were these people evil? Not from their perspectives, but certainly by those of the people whom they crushed. They are certainly subject to our judgment now. The question remains—how can you find such a clear perspective on your own actions?

The answer is easy! We devised a test, free of the subjectivity of the age and of past ages. It hews to a simple philosophy that accurately classifies evil, using present-day situations and a clear moral framework. Wondering if you're evil? Take this test and find out!

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When you're driving around a neighborhood listening to music in your car, how do you set the volume?

Fairly low, especially if the windows are open.

Loud enough to enjoy it inside the car.

Crank it up!

To eleven.

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What snack would you bring into a movie theater?

Popcorn.

Anything in a crinkly wrapper.

Peanuts.

Cheese puffs.

Andrew Bret Wallis / DigitalVision / Getty Images

When in public, where do you like to stand when checking something on your phone?

As far to the side as possible!

I step out of the middle of the public space.

I'll stop wherever I am to check.

I prefer to stand on or at one end of a flight of stairs.

Tom Werner / DigitalVision / Getty Images

If you were in line in a grocery store and saw that the person paying was taking a long time because it was an old man paying with change and the cashier ridiculed him, how would you respond?

I'd pay for the old man and see if I could help in any other long-term way afterward.

I'd reprimand the cashier, but I wouldn't help the man count his money.

I'd laugh at the cashier's joke and gripe on social media about this jerk in line in front of me.

I'd join in the ridicule!

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Which of these is your dream job?

Doctor

Social media manager

Soldier of fortune

Influencer

praetorianphoto / E+ / Getty Images

What do you do when you get a text while you're behind the wheel?

Wait until I've stopped somewhere to have a look at it.

I might steal a glance at it when it pops up on the screen, provided my phone is mounted on the dash.

I'll read it, but I won't respond.

I'll read it and respond, all without even slowing down.

izusek / E+ / Getty Images

What do you call a photo of someone taken by a third party?

A portrait

A pic

A snap

A selfie

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What is the appropriate number of times one dips chips in a communal bowl of salsa?

Zero! Sorry, but it's gross.

Once, but no more! No double dipping!

Double dipping is fine if you haven't slobbered on the chips.

Dip as many times as you want. It's a free country.

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How often do you respond to emails with "TLDR"?

Never. If it's too long, wait until you have the time to read it, and then respond properly.

Very rarely.

About once a week!

I do that all the time.

wundervisuals / E+ / Getty Images

Do you discuss your dietary habits with other people?

No.

If they ask, I'll do it, sure.

Yeah! I feel great since I became a Paleorganivegatarian!

Yes, because my diet makes me morally superior.

PeopleImages / E+ / Getty Images

What's your approach to card and board games played against children?

I let the kids win, but I try to make it look like I'm playing, even when I'm not.

I play normally, but I'll deliberately tank at the end.

I play to win because I want those kids to learn the lessons of the world!

I will cheat if I have to!

Jochen Sands / DigitalVision / Getty Images

If you entered an apartment building and saw a wheelchair-bound woman halfway into the doorway of her apartment, crying, how would you respond?

I'd cancel whatever I was doing for the next hour so I could help her and stick around for a while in case she just needs to talk or needs further help.

I'd help her get through the doorway if that's what she wants.

I'd pretend I didn't see her.

I'd point and laugh!

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How do you feel about using disposable plastics, like straws and silverware?

I'd rather not, which is why I have a small set of silverware in my desk at work.

I'm okay with it, if there's no other option available.

I'd prefer it, since I don't know if the place I'm eating did a good job washing their silverware.

I only use disposable straws and silverware because I think it makes the food taste better.

filadendron / E+ / Getty Images

Do you ever finish asking questions with "yes"?

No, that's super weird.

I have once or twice, and I felt strange about it.

Yes, because people are silly and sometimes you need to implicitly tell them to answer with a "yes."

Of course I do. You end all questions with a "yes," yes?

AJ_Watt / E+ / Getty Images

How do you prefer to take internet meetings?

I set up a paid service for everyone so it makes it easy on everyone else.

I look for the service that everyone can use and that is free, even if it data mines us.

I have a favorite but not everyone uses it.

With the proprietary software on my brand of phone. To Hell with people who don't use it.

D3Damon / E+ / Getty Images

How do you distribute files to workmates?

I use a cloud service that is free and that everyone else can use and has a history function.

I use a paid service with no history function.

I use a fairly obscure service that is technically better, even if you have to learn how to use it to actually make it work better.

By long email chains with subjects like "last, last, final, final, really the last draft."

Justin Paget / DigitalVision / Getty Images

How do you plug in your device charger when you're using a public outlet?

I plug my charger into a splitter which I plug into the outlet.

I plug into whichever outlet is free.

I plug it into the bottom one and plug another charger into the top one with a cable running into my bag, even if there's nothing on the other end.

I plug it into the top outlet to block the bottom one so no one else will sit near me.

Jitalia17 / E+ / Getty Images

When leaving a hotel, what do you tip the staff, assuming they did a good job?

About five or ten dollars a night, depending on the quality of the hotel.

Five dollars a night.

Five dollars.

Nothing! I paid for my room, that pays their salaries!

Alaska Photography / Moment / Getty Images

Assuming you aren't allergic to them, how do you feel about dogs?

They're truly innocent, sweet creatures.

They're the friendliest!

They're very loyal!

They're awful little monsters. I hate them.

Jose Luis Pelaez Inc / DigitalVision / Getty Images

What do you do to make the world a better place?

I volunteer my time and money for charities.

I give to charity sometimes.

I don't litter.

Nothing. It's not my business.

Katrina Wittkamp / DigitalVision / Getty Images

What do you do when you finish eating dinner with your spouse or partner?

Bus the table and do the dishes, including running the dishwasher.

Bus the table and put things in the dishwasher.

Put everything in the sink.

I tell them to clean up while I watch TV.

thianchai sitthikongsak / Moment / Getty Images

Which of these gym habits do you find the most tolerable?

Playing music so loud I can hear it even though it's coming through someone else's headphones

Using equipment other than treadmills etc. for more than fifteen minutes

What are the left lanes for on a four-lane highway?

It's just another lane, no different from the right lane. Drive slowly in the left lane if you like!

izusek / E+ / Getty Images

How much talking is appropriate by audience members when watching a live play or musical?

None

A little, if whispered and rare

A little, so long as it's not shouting or anything

I'd rather people just text each other, with their phones' brightness turned up all the way.

Towfiqu Photography / Moment / Getty Images

What star rating would you give a driver, assuming their service was perfectly acceptable?

Five, of course. Why drag down their average?

Four, if it's just average.

You mean it could have been better? Three stars.

Look, if all this person did was get me from point A to point B without any major problems or nice surprises, I'm not rating them at all.

georgeclerk / E+ / Getty Images

If you were riding a bicycle in the evening, how would you set your bike's headlight?

To just bright enough that I can see the road and be seen.

To whatever the normal setting is.

To the brightest possible setting, so I can see!

To strobe, so I'm noticed!

www_slon_pics / Pixabay

Which was the best "Star Wars" movie?

"The Empire Strikes Back"

"The Christmas Special"

"Attack of The Clones"

"The Force Awakens"

Belinda Howell / Moment / Getty Images

What is the average number of selfies you take per day?

Not even one

One

Three

More than five

Digital Vision. / DigitalVision / Getty Images

If you saw a man bullying another man about his weight in public, what would you do?

Tell the bully to stop it and pronounce a moral judgement on him.

Yell "Stop!" or the like, and keep walking.

If the bullying is funny, I'm going to laugh.

Reprimand the bully for being stupid, and then show him how to properly bully someone by doing a better job of bullying the overweight man.

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