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Monthly Archives: December 2010

6. There is open communication about the relationship.

While this characteristic may seem one of the easiest and most obvious, it’s actually one of the hardest to maintain and probably the most denied characteristic there is. “Of course we communicate!”

Having open communication about the relationship means sharing thoughts, feelings, and even disappointments with the other person. One thing I’ve learned the hard way: no one is a mind reader. We cannot assume that the other person ever knows how we’re feeling or what we’re thinking unless we communicate it to them. Not only should we communicate it, but we should communicate it clearly. No dancing around the truth, no being vague, no being generic. We must assume that the other person has no idea what we’re talking about and therefore must communicate it that way.

For some reason, in my experience, I’ve found that men are nearly impossible at communicating when it comes to feelings or thoughts. They don’t want details. They don’t want emotions. They want it as it is with as many details spared as possible. It has been a constant project with my current boyfriend ever since we first started dating. Getting him to communicate and tell me things was like trying to push him down a flight of stairs. But, I can say that after a year and a half of working, he communicates effectively with me. (Not totally effective all the time, but for the most part he does) One time I asked him why he was telling me how he felt about something (which he rarely does), and he said, “Because you told me to communicate everything with you!” Oops. I ate my words.

If something is bothering you, tell the person. If the person hurt you, tell them. If the person offended you, tell them. If the person made you happy, tell them. If you liked something they did to or for you, tell them. COMMUNICATE thoughts. COMMUNICATE feelings.