Category: Family

I don’t know if you noticed, but around two o’clock this morning, the world got a little colder. Carl Vinson had been keeping his spot on Earth warm for the past 94 years, but in the wee hours of the morning, God decided it was time for him to rest.

If you knew Carl, you knew that he hated to be cold. That stemmed, no doubt, from spending the brutal winter of 1944 inside the metal hull of a US Army tank helping roust the Nazis out of the Ardennes. It wasn’t unusual, especially these last few winters, to find him wrapped in a blanket putting as much distance between him and that chilly Oklahoma wind as possible.

I can’t say much about whether or not Carl liked cold food because the cook he’s had for almost 70 years is still around and wouldn’t hesitate to let me know if I got any of that wrong. But I know that Carl didn’t like to be cold.

It’s a little presumptuous for me to even write this post. My dad was born in 1934, twenty-five years before me, but I am the one who had the heart attack and who has to take medicine for high blood pressure. Not him. He is pushing through his mid-eighties, mowing his yard and remodeling anything he can get his hands on, with all his vitals showing perfect. So, he may be preaching my funeral instead of me helping my sisters plan his. But watching the funeral and memorial services for a famous American father who died last week got me to thinking about how my dad’s memorial service would contrast with this fellow’s — if I’m privileged to be there for my dad at the end of his life.

Some days, I get downright angry at what our culture is doing to our daughters. On all the other days, it makes me flat out mad!

From birth, we teach our girls to look for their flaws. Broad noses and sunken eyes must be masked with cosmetics. White skin has to be tanned. Dark hair has to be bleached. Light hair needs to be darkened. Every little blemish must be covered.

So, what went wrong in the Garden of Eden? Eve ate the fruit from the forbidden tree and ruined it for the rest of us, right?

Well, sorta but not exactly.

Read Genesis chapter one and you will see that, before God ever created Man, He designed him to be in charge. Your grandmother’s King James Bible called it taking dominion. Adam was to be the keeper of the garden. He was the boss of all the animals. Keep reading in Genesis and you will see that God even gave Adam the job of naming each animal.

God wanted Adam to know that he, Adam, was in charge of what went on in the garden.

Christmas thoughts are usually more about egg nog and reindeer than leadership, but my mind spun in a different direction today. Although the subject may not be be mentioned in any carols of the season, it does fit because it’s about life’s priorities and our attention to them.

How is it that we stress leadership development, but never develop as leaders?

Most leadership programs emphasize identifying your essential values: those things which give meaning to your life and work. Nearly every time, family and relationships come out among the top three or four values leaders identify.

Many companies pride themselves on being family-oriented. They boast of taking care of their own, of creating a work environment that enhances growth and openness and honesty.

Nothing is more important than our children, so it makes sense that nothing ignites a good argument quite like a discussion on parenting methods.

I heard a psychologist say that parents shouldn’t try to make their children be like them. She thought it better to just let the kids become themselves. That sounds good, but nature and biology disagree and they had a pretty good head start. By the time the child is walking and talking and able to obey simple commands, he’s already developed some of dad’s mannerisms — and there are a bunch more stirring around in that gene pool waiting for their turn to shine.

I think the expert meant well and was encouraging parents to nurture each child’s individuality, but her presentation was a bit vague and too broad. But if that was indeed her intended message, she was right. Each child is one-of-a-kind and should be guided and appreciated for who they are.

Every year, our church hosts a God and Country celebration just before the July 4th weekend. We invite and honor our public servants. This year, eighteen of them were kind enough to show up. There was a short piece that was read during this year’s program that I thought I’d share as part of a July 4th medley. This post celebrates the joy of family.

The center of all civilizations has always been the family. More than just the tribe that produced you, family protected and nurtured you until you could care for and believe in yourself. The prayers of your family has sustained you, the company of those most dear where no explanations are necessary or expected.

Family is that place where we get our noses and those funny facial expressions that make us unique. Just like they made Dad, and Grandad, and his daddy, too.

Family is that fortress where we’re always secure. The hospital where we go to heal.

It’s the teacher who always shows us how. The psychiatrist who talks us through our fears. The lawyer who always bails us out. The preacher who keeps us on the right path.

Family. It’s forever the standard by which we will measure all home cooking. It’s where we learned to understand tone of voice, raised eyebrows, and the purpose for middle names. It’s where the water from the well was always the coldest, the work in the field always the hottest, and the laughter in the yard always the sweetest. Where love held everything together.

Family. It’s where both good and bad have had their day. Where both joy and sorrow made themselves welcome.

But no matter how old we get or how far away we travel, our most precious memories always bring us right back here. To Family.

It all started with those two in the picture. Some days I wanted to show them to the whole world. Other days… well, if you’re a parent, you understand. But every day I have loved them.

Loving them, I wanted to teach them everything that God would expect of them when they were grown, but at the same time, I had no desire to force them to endure family and religious traditions that served no useful purpose. Some of my friends and colleagues were leaving the churches they had been raised in opting to teach their children the less restrictive traditions found in most mainstream churches.

So, what was I to do? Continue on the path generations of Ellingsworths had traveled, or sign up with those who were choosing different routes?

I went back to the Bible to see if what I had been taught was correct, and if so, was necessary. For instance, why did the apostles care about a woman’s appearance? What difference does it make?

The idea isn’t my own, but it’s a good one. I’m not sure I can point to a specific verse to give it scriptural sanction, but in the dust and sweat of every day living, it’s worth mulling over.

The reason I say it’s worth considering is because it connects the essence of your life – your work – to the essence of love – giving. When giving is among your highest priorities, it is frequently on your mind. Since God is love, loving to give is a sure way to stay close to His heart.

If you are one of those who struggle with knowing when, how much, and to whom you should give, this might help you sort all that out. Tithing and giving at your church is the place to start, but most of us need to give beyond our tithe and a token offering.

So, here is a suggestion for those who are a little fearful about testing their faith.

I’ve been thinking about love. Not so surprising, I guess, considering that yesterday was Valentine’s Day.

It’s not the romantic sentiments of love that I’ve been pondering, but the harder and tougher consequences that result when we mess love up.

Love is summed up by John in his short little books toward the back of the Bible, and by Paul in his letter to the Ephesians. In I John, we learn that God is love and how we manage love in our lives indicates whether or not we even know God. Then, in his weighty instructions to married couples, Paul says that love demands that we place our wants and wishes second to those of the one we love.

Love is not a burning emotion launched into your unsuspecting heart at some random meeting, but is a spiritual decision. Love is much more a commitment than it is a feeling.