Today's column was written by Matt Webb Mitovich.NIGHT FEEDING

After giving birth to her first child, daughter Alice, on Sept. 10, Tina Fey will return from maternity leave to coanchor Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update" on Oct. 22. "I had to get back to work. NBC has me under contract; the baby and I only have a verbal agreement," Fey quips in a statement. Aw, Horatio, we hardly knew ye. (OK, we did. And, well, you were "eh.")