Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?- Mork, Mork and Mindy~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two anthropologists fly to the south sea islands to study the natives. They go to two adjacent islands and set to work. A few months later one of them takes a canoe over to the other island to see how his colleague is doing. When he gets there, he finds the other anthropologist standing among a group of natives.

"Greetings! How is it going?" says the visiting anthropologist.

"Wonderful!" says the other, "I have discovered an important fact about the local language! Watch!"

He points at a palm tree and says, "what is that?"The natives, in unison, say "Umbalo-gong!"He then points at a rock and says, "and that?"The natives again intone "Umbalo-gong!"

"You see!", says the beaming anthropologist, "They use the SAME word for 'rock' and for 'palm tree'!"

"That is truly amazing!" says the astonished visiting anthropologist, "On the other island, that same word means 'index finger'!"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The linguist's husband walked in and caught his wife sleeping with a young co-ed.

He said, "Why, Susan, I'm surprised."

She bolted upright, pointed her finger and corrected him, "No. I am surprised. You are astonished."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Those three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their fathers are.

The first one says: "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow".

The second one says: "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet".

The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. He then says: "You two know nothing about fast. My father is a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30 and he is home by 3:45"!!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Don't LOOK at anything in a physics lab.Don't TASTE anything in a chemistry lab.Don't SMELL anything in a biology lab.Don't TOUCH anything in a medical lab.and, most importantly,Don't LISTEN to anything in a philosophy department.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The professor of a contract law class asked one of his better students, "If you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?"

The student replied, "Here's an orange."

The professor was outraged. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!"

The student then replied, "Okay. I'd tell him `I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding...'"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You are one of three people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one parachute. How would you react?

Pessimist: you refuse the parachute because you might die on the jump anyway.

Optimist: you refuse the parachute because people have survived crashes just like this before.

Procrastinator: you play a game of Monopoly for the parachute.

Bureaucrat: you order them to conduct a feasibility study on parachute use in multi-engine aircraft under code red conditions.

Computer Scientist: you design a machine capable of operating a parachute as well as a human being could.

Mathematician: you refuse to accept the parachute without proof that it will work in all cases.

Engineer: you make them another parachute out of aisle curtains and dental floss.

Psychoanalyst: you ask them what the shape of a parachute reminds them of.

Doctor: you tell them you need to run more tests, then take the parachute in order to make your next appointment.

Lawyer: you charge one parachute for helping them sue the airline.

Judge: after reminding them of their constitutional right to have a parachute, you take it and jump out.

Economist: your only rational and moral choice is to take the parachute, as the free market will take care of the other person.

Statistician: you plot a demand curve by asking them, at regular intervals, how much they would pay for a parachute.

IRS auditor: you confiscate the parachute along with their luggage, wallet, and gold fillings.

Manager: as you jump out with the parachute, you tell them to work hard and not expect handouts.

Consultant: you tell them not to worry, since it won't take you long to learn how to fix a plane.

Salesperson: you sell them the parachute at top retail rates and get the names of their friends and relatives who might like one too.

Advertiser: you strip-tease while singing that what they need is a neon parachute with computer altimeter for only $39.99.

Philosopher: you ask how they know the parachute actually exists.

Teacher: you give them the parachute and ask them to send you a report on how well it worked.

English major: you explicate simile and metaphor in the parachute instructions.

Comparative Literature major: you read the parachute instructions in all four languages.

Dramatist: you tie them down so they can watch you develop the character of a person stuck on a falling plane without a parachute.

Modern Painter: you hang the parachute on the wall and sign it.

Auto Mechanic: as long as you are looking at the plane engine, it works fine.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie.

You don't have to read all the jokes today.

I may just change the title to Wednesdiner tonight and repost it.

Now why doesn't spell check like that word Wednesdiner?

Probably the same reason it doesn't like "everyboomie". Because it also don't like noboomie, or should I say it doesn't like anyboomie?

I've got a full day of vigorous physical activities planned at work.

I hope I don't pull a glooteus maximuscle during said activities.

I'll have some Excedrin Extra Strenght Glooteous pills ready just in case.

I hope you all have a happius maxius day.

Oh here we go again with spell check. Picky, picky, picky!

joe

Edited by gymcandy1 (11/26/1211:29 PM)

_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

Good Morning Joe, Ana, manxman, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe don't work to hard. Ana keep smiling . Manxman hope your day is relaxing. Haroula enjoy your warm weather. Cailyn thanks for the coffee. Snow will be arriving within the hour. Take Care all and have a Nice Day!

Update on Karen: I talked to her in the hospital last night. She said to say hello to everyone. She's doing better and maybe can come home today but needs bed rest. She's recovering from Congestive Heart Failure with lots of fluids.

To all who enter...good day!

Doc appointment this morning. Snow is on the way but hopefully not a lot.

Good morning everyone. Gail, thanks for the update on Karen. More prayers and hugs are on their way to her. Hubby has a Pet scan Thursday. Please send lots of positive vibes his way. We won't find out the results until next Tuesday, when he sees the doctor. Today is a bank and Sam's trip. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Tuesday. Danish, Waffles, Oatmeal, and Hot Chocolate in the NC.

It's 56 degrees out and I'm sooooo cold. Shouldn't be. Every other morning it's been even lower and it feels fine. Must be some atmospheric mumbo jumbo at work. Even had to turn on my heater to get the dampness out of the house. Hummmmm.

Finally figured out that putting my favorite 'Dutch Dill Rye' bread in the fridge in a ziploc bag makes it dry out and I have to throw a lot away or toast it. Brought home 2 loaves and left them on the counter in their original wrappers and going on week 2, BOTH are fresh and moist. Go figure.

Had a visit from the gal down the street who was my student in the teen mother's class 17 years ago. She's always lived around here, but I seldom saw her. She's in the midst of the huge family dynasty that owns several adjoining properties just a few doors away. Her mom hates me (I dared to talk to her about 5 loose huge dogs when I thought one had been hit by a car and she told me to mind my own business) and it's very uncomfy to walk by there if she's around.

But the daughter is a delight. Messed up life big time from the age of 12 but is smart and energetic. If she had grown up in another family, I think she would have been something spectacular. AS it is, she's unemployed, has lost custody of her 2 youngest kids for the last 3 years (they are now 5 and 6) and is supposed to be doing classes, etc. to get them back. She's lagging on that. She doesn't even get to see them at all as they are in foster care. Sad, but the entire family is a mess.

Her family is the one that owns the house that was being used as an assisted care facility 2 blocks over and burned a month or two ago. 6 people were trapped inside and barely escaped. NOW I have the full story. It's really more complicated than I thought.

House is owned by this family, BUT they rented it to a single woman. The 'assisted care' part was something they had no idea of until it was in full swing. The lady running the care part (who rented the house) didn't live there at all, and only went over 2 times a day to 'toss food' to them as my student says. We laughed, but she was treating these folks like dogs. AND the reason they couldn't get out in the fire (and why they had to break a big picture window to escape) was not because of dead bolts on the door (the news said they couldn't find the key) BUT an actual PADLOCK on the door so they wouldn't wander when left alone most of the time. Fire started from a cigarette left on the patio outside and spread to the house.

So thankful they all got out (some had serious burns. Only casualty was a calico cat which died from smoke inhalation under a bed in a room barely touched by the fire. So sad.

Anyway the pictures she brought were from the fire investigators and are awesome. Melted TV's, yellow bathroom tile that you would swear was black tile. Everything gutted except the garage which was housing 2 or more people. Sigh. So sad.

Anyway, I think I now have a new 'stray' gal to play with. She's latched on and loves to talk (he main problem when I was her teacher). She talks and talks and just avoids real life. Family is pretty rich in property holding all over San Diego including a SHOPPING CENTER (wow!). Gonna look it up today on the map. Step dad was a real estate investor and owns several high priced properties. Why they live here (in a not so affluent area) is beyond me, but the holding are real (I did some research). BIG family, religious, always into something (usually police involved). Never a dull moment in Sortaville!

I got up to grey skies and rain. I knew it was raining cos as I sat here checking headlines, a soaking dog nose was inserted underneath my arm. So I quit suring and got up and dried everyone.

Then made the discovery that our phone is on the blink. The kids called and either I could hear them but they couldn't hear me or vice versa. So I thought I'd get my emergency cell phone out, but that was not in my purse where it belongs. So, fell back to email and asked hubby to call Brighthouse to see what was up.

Eventually found my cell phone on the tv base in the bedroom. Who knows how it got there. At least Sky hadn't taken it outside. So all those rollover minutes will come in handy til the phone is working correctly again.

I talked to hubby who said Brighthouse told him we were not the first to call. Apparently, they know there is a problem but not where or how to fix Son just got up and said the net was down last night, so maybe it is all one big squirrely mess.

So, I'm going to post this while I can.

Edit: Eeeeeek....it's a good thing the doggies needed more water. Went up to get them some and found a fire on the stove. Son heard me yell Fire and decided that I was not talking about the Kindle one. Windows and doors are open and house is airing out. Chest is a wee bit grouchy now though.

Edited by looney4labs (11/27/1202:11 PM)

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"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole." -Roger Caras