Things my Husband said that I wrote into Birthquake

Hands down, one of my favorite books I’ve written is Birthquake. It’s the story of Henley and Jeff, a young couple who accidentally find themselves expecting a child. Let’s be honest … pregnancy and becoming a first-time parent is some heavy stuff. But it’s really freakin’ hilarious, too.

So much of this book was inspired by real-life events as my husband Mike and I welcomed our very own monster squad. In fact, many of Tara’s hilarious best friend moments came directly from my best friend — Mike. My husband is a pretty amazing man and an even more amazing father to our kids.

So to celebrate Mike in a fun (and different) way this Father’s Day, I want to share with you five direct quotes that were said by the love of my life while I was carrying his children.

And yes, all of these quotes found their way into Birthquake.

5. My husband referencing post-baby nookie.

“It’s like throwing a hot dog down a hallway.”

4. My husband on kiddos and karma.

“There’s a reason that the word repaid is the reverse of diaper. Payback’s a bitch.”

3. My husband on my unpredictable post-baby mood swings.

“You spent nine months growing a human in your body and then in a matter of moments you birthed that baby and those hormones bottomed out, forcing your emotions and chemical balance to get out of whack.”

2. My husband on the moment he knew he found the one (that’s me, just so we’re clear).

“You were snoring like a jackhammer … it was the precise moment that I knew I could never give my heart to anyone else. I knew I wanted to listen to you saw logs every night.”

1. My husband on having a boy.

“How does it feel to have a penis growing inside of you?”

Happy Father’s Day, hot pants!!! Thanks for putting your babies in me! We’re all so lucky to have you!