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Saturday, March 30, 2013

Day 7. What's your favorite toy?

There are a lot of great toys. Mr Reg bought most of them for different purposes: to cause pain, sexual pleasure or to restrain me. Some toys I take with me when I go on a date, others are only used by Mr Reg. I am going to cheat today and describe two favorite toys: the dildo for sexual pleasure and the pin wheel for pain and arousal.

Dildo

Mr Reg told me to buy a dildo when I was on a business trip to the US. The assignment was to get the largest one they had in the shop. During that trip, he made me use it a couple of times while we were chatting. It is a great feeling and one of the few toys that can actually make me come. It is easy too: no batteries needed and it makes no noise (except my moaning). It does have some downsides however:

It is rather big. If I want or have to take it somewhere, it takes up a lot of space.

It is made of material that gets stained easily. I am not very good at keeping stuff neat. My laptop, ebook and all other things have sleeves, because I ruin them. The dildo has an ugly stain, probably from touching another toy that was kept in the same box.

It looks ridiculous. I can't help it. I love cocks. But dildos look ridiculous and unsexy in my opinion. There is supposed to be a man attached to a cock. It looks silly when it 'just ends'. Paradoxically, using it while somebody is watching is embarrassing and exciting at the same time because of the way it looks.

Pin wheel

The pin wheel is an example of a toy that I like because it makes me feel very close and connected to Mr Reg. It is not a sexual toy in that it makes me climax. It is not something I use on myself either. It is hot because Mr Reg uses it on me. He can use it in very different ways, to caress or to hurt me. To scare me or to calm me. He can apply pressure and make it hurt, or track it over my body softly, making me feel calm and relaxed. My favorite treatment: he traces my body with it, drawing closer and closer to my pussy, where it really hurts. It scares the hell out of me, and at the same time I love the stinging feeling of the pins on my skins. Leaving a glow long after the pin wheel has touched it. Moving closer and closer to very sensitive skin. Applying pressure and releasing it again. Caressing me with his hand and then using the pin wheel again. Like the dildo, the pin wheel is very practical: it is silent, it does not need batteries and last but not least it is so small I can be taken in a purse or (very) small bag.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Day 6. Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy

I am not going to share any fantasy that is weird, obviously. I don't want anybody to think I am weird ;) On a more serious note, weird or interesting is in the eye of the beholder. You can decide whether it is weird or interesting. Or boring. Or cliche.

To me it is hot.

Enslaved

I am locked in a cage. The cage is in the corner of the room. I am naked and chained by my neck. In the room are three people, two men and a woman. They ignore me. If I make too much noise or annoy them in any other way they pull at the chain or hit against the cage. I have no idea how long I have been inside the cage. I can stand up and sit or lie down in it. The temperature is nice, I am comfortable being naked.

After some time, the woman walks up to the cage and orders me to stand up. I comply as quickly as I can because I know she has little patience. I am afraid of her, she likes to hurt me whenever I give her a reason. Or without any provocation from my side. She opens the cage and takes me to the shower. She turns on the tap and orders me to clean myself. The water is rather cold and I start washing. She watches me while I shave and wash my body head to toe. She tells me to caress my breasts, while looking her in the eyes. To touch my clit. It is very difficult to hold her gaze. I look away and she turns of the shower immediately and grabs me by my hair. Mocking me for not being able to hold her gaze. She takes me to a room with a bed and tells me to lie on my back with my legs open wide. I am shivering uncontrollably and ask her permission to dry myself. It is denied. She inspects my pussy to see if I have shaved properly. She finds some hairs and gets a razor. She shaves the hairs, threatening to hurt me with it if I don't start paying attention when I shave. The razor gets really close to my clit, I feel her hands and the cold touch of the razor on my mound. She puts away the razor and pushes three fingers in my pussy. Hard and deep. I moan. She tells me not to make a sound and gets a little whip. Made from rubber strings. She starts hitting me with it on my pussy. I struggle to keep quiet and not to move. The pain is too much and I try to avoid the whip. "Every time you move you get one more", she tells me calmly. "Start counting". Every time I say a number, she hits me hard on my pussy with the rubber. I am crying, trying to focus on the counting. Not moving an inch. When I reach 9 she tells me "one more" and lashes out. She tells me to turn around and she puts a butt plug in my ass. I am told to get up and she takes me to the other room where the two men are sitting in a chair.

I am told to pour all three of them a drink and to wait in the corner for instructions. One of the men notices that I am still wet and tells me to get a towel and dry myself in front of them. I get a towel and start rubbing myself. I start at the top, drying my hair and neck. Moving down to my breasts and tummy. They tell me to massage my breasts and one of them walks up to me and takes the towel. He moves the towel down to my pussy and rubs it. I flinch and try to stand up straight. I am not allowed to look him at him, so I look at the floor. One time I look up and he slaps me in my face. He has big warm hands that touch me all over my body. Hurting me and caressing me at the same time. I am completely focused on his body. He pushes me down to my knees and starts to fuck me in my mouth hard. I can hardly breath. I focus on relaxing my body and try not to choke. Once he pauses the other man joins in. He takes out the butt plug and starts fucking me in my ass. After they are both satisfied, they throw me a blanket and tell me to go back to my cage again. I walk back to it. The woman takes my leash and tells me to lie down and masturbate. She watches while I rub my clit. She tells me to cum and I obey. She laughs and locks the cage. I am left shivering, on the floor. I take the blanket and fall asleep.

Saturday, March 2, 2013

I honestly don't know... I do know that my first kinky sexual experience was with my boyfriend in college. We were in a very intense relationship for about two years. He was not my first boyfriend. But it was the first time I really liked sex. I couldn't get enough.

Biting, tying my wrists to the bed, hitting me with his belt, threatening to cut me with a knife (mindfuck?), telling me to bend over and fuck me. Opening his zipper and telling me to suck his cock. Taking me to a bar (in a short skirt) to hit on other men. Telling me to undress and wait in the bed on my back with my legs open wide until he would come in and fuck me, fully dressed himself. Fucking me with a candle. Not being allowed to touch him sexually, unless he told me so. Telling me to shave my pussy, to wear sexy cloths. Denying me sex. Fucking me three, four times a day whenever he felt like it.

The first experience with him was either the biting or the belt. When we met the first time both of us were drunk. In fact, we were drunk most of the time when we had kinky sex. It was definitely not safe what we were doing. He was unhappy and insecure, I was unhappy and insecure. We did like each other a lot. I had never felt so close to anybody. Because of the sex and the way he was using me. Because we both felt different from other people. Because we understood each other. At the same time our relationship was very unhealthy. It became more violent and destructive over time. He cheated on me, I cheated on him. And told him all about it. He hit me in a bar once and he almost got beaten by some bystanders who were very angry with him for hitting me. I humiliated myself by calling him when he was with another girl. Or I would look for him in bars and if I found him confront him. And then leave with somebody I did not know. Just to get back at him. I missed days at my job. Lost my purse being drunk. Lost my contact lenses in the beds of strangers. We acted out in public. We were out of control. He would leave and the moment I decided I had enough, he would be back. And I caved and we would continue where we left of.

After some time I found the strength to end it. Really end it. Thinking back is a bit difficult. A lot of what happened and that I am writing here I had put away forever. I forgot about it. The same with kinky sex. In my mind kinky sex was tied to a very unhealthy relationship. So when I ended the relationship with my boyfriend, I buried my kinky self with it. For over 12 years as I wrote in my first post. Five years ago I exhumed it. This time in a healthy relationship. Where I am safe both physically and psychologically. Where we communicate. Where there is no alcohol to escalate things. And the kinky sex is even better than the first time. Something I did not believe was possible exists after all: a safe and exciting kinky relationship. I hope he found the same. Because he will always be very special to me despite or maybe because of all the misery we went through.