Glad to see you online Jeff. I know what it feels like post-storm having been there myself. Damn you're doing good for the first week. So, a part of me has been with you since Monday. Leave space for yourself to have bad days, too.

Two thots:

1. Most immediate, though it sounds you're coping relatively well, you're less than a week past the storm. That's a trauma. This kind of trauma is difficult, like some CSA, because there are no immediately obvious physical signs. Your head's gonna be weird for a while...and the heads of those around you. Especially when it comes to tempers flaring. A lot of your world, your security was literally blown away. Your routine continues to be interrupted. I only began to feel normal when the electric went back on...after three weeks and then I collapsed from exhaustion. No one recovers from trauma on the same schedule. If nothing else, go easy on yourself if you can. Also, if you're able to share that insight with the family, you're all on the same page.

2. What to do with Little Jeff? I recognize the aversion you'd have to pictures. Nevertheless, this helped me. I dug up some childhood pix, like my avatar, and I talked to Little Lancer because I'm the one who knows him best. I'm the adult he needed, but didn't have. But he has me now. Mygawd, I cried, sobbed, etc. Little Lancer is feeling a lot safer these days...and I still have chats (and cries) with him.

EMDR fixed my feeling of being little Puffer and adult Whatsisname. Was that good? Did I lose something or someone invaluable by becoming a singleton? Or is there still someone lurking in the shadows ( ) ? Little Puffer was such a troubled kid, feeling all the shame and terror of the abuse. Is he just hiding somewhere?

I definitely have depersonalization disorder. When I see a picture of myself as I am now, I experience surprise that I look like that. I think that I'm really a kid. It's not 100%. I basically know I'm a crazy old man who thinks he looks like a kid. And I have that symptom that I don't want to lose the kid. I look for who I am in other people. I would suppose the dissociative identity disorder was helped by EMDR. But I still have some level of dissociative disorder. I also have a music personality.

I have been diagnosed as DIDNOS. But there are some symptoms that make me think it was pretty bad.

I know that these problems are because I experienced sexual abuse at age 4 and then kidnap at age 12. The last EMDR session I had went into the terror I felt in kidnap. It was so extremely severe that I split off in the session. I don't know how to deal with this.

I
agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and
chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole
discretion of MaleSurvivor. I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor
resources are AT-WILL,
and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for
any reason by MaleSurvivor.