Most of the time, I've not been sure of anything, other than being scared half to death.

But.

Now.

At this time.

I'm rather certain that maybe, just maybe this is a good thing.

In the last two weeks or so, I've felt more like myself that I have since the first time I set up

Me Olde Marshmallow Stand at a Farmer's Market.

Land sakes, I've worked so hard in the last couple of years, and sacrificed so many of the things I've loved.

Nary a chicken in the yard.

Nary a bee.

Nary a blossom.

(I know - it's only March - and I bet if I looked, I'd find a crocus or three.)

I look back on those years of gardening my fingers to the bone, getting the heck stung out of me by my bees, and chicken keeping with the fondest of memories! The years blogging, raising the BoyChild - what a sweet, sweet time of life!

(Aaron update - he's engaged! He's 21! Gahhhhh!)

The house and garden have definitely gotten that 'does that lady live there anymore?' kind of a vibe to it. In some ways, it's quite liberating - and in others, it hurts my heart to see how two years of not focusing on 'home things' has made the house seem sad looking to the passerby.

You know - it'll be a year next week that Glenco left his truck driving J.O.B. and started peddling marshmallows full time with me. It's been a journey for sure - and this Sunday - we celebrate our 34th anniversary. And - I still kinda like him, after spending every waking moment of the last year with him. Oh, it's been trying at times - but there's been more laughs than scowls (I think, I didn't count). I only fired him twice in the last year - so that wasn't too bad. : -)

The moral of the story?

I've survived with hints of thriving.

The housework has been caught up on, and I can with every confidence tell you that my home is the cleanest it's been in 2.5 years.

I have industrial mixers and commercial ovens now, and I'm not working myself

14-16 hours a day anymore.

The shows are much easier now that we use the Squirrel and don't have to set up a booth each time.

I'm happy that she gets to travel so much now. : -) Everybody LOVES her! This is still a very rudimentary set up - I have a lot of ideas!

I came this close to going to get baby ducks today at the feed store today.

Glimpses of Jayme are coming back.

:-)

I've been able to spend time with friends again.

There's a good chance that there will be blossoms and home grown tomatoes in my yard again this year.

I really don't think I truly appreciated my garden until I lost it!

All of that to say this -

Life balances out.

I don't think I ever really realized how difficult it would be to start a bona fide business. I really, REALLY wanted to share this whole journey with you here - but good grief, I'm lucky I showered at times. When I look at it - I think - what the heck? I sell some s'mores out of a camper!? What's the big deal? There's not enough time in the world to tell you the work that's gone on behind the scenes. Mind boggling. My ADHD doesn't help things - well, it helps SOME things!

I don't think we would have gotten this far in two years if I hadn't been a bit whackadoodle.

What most excites me is the emotional journey that this has been for me.

At times, fear completely crippled me.

Crippled.

It manifested in anger, frustration, and worry.

What if?

How?

It's almost like I thought that we'd DIE if this didn't work out -

when the reality would be - get a job.

What's so bad about that?

Well, it seems to be working out - for now anyhow - and my days are spent with Glenco - whipping sugar into cubes, hauling the camper far and wide - and meeting some of the most fun, creative, kind people you can imagine. Don't get me wrong - there are many hard moments, but that's true in any profession.

My days aren't filled with fear anymore - but it has it's moments where it rears it's ugly head, and I have to remind myself that my worst case scenario is me stacking organic romaine at Whole Foods and that actually sounds fun...

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

I'm stunned that I had comments - ha! Amazing. Thank you for still being about the world wide web and clicking here when you saw that I posted.

I'm here- once again.

I really, truly, have missed blogging.

What about it did I miss?

You guys.

The laughs.

The belly gazings.

The drivel.

Documenting my life.

Let's begin.

It's been a loooonnng time since I've blogged, as you know - and it's hard to just jump back in.

So much has happened.

I'm just slapping some photos on here to give you an idea of what we've been doing.

Glenco did indeed quit his job on March 15th of this year.

It was all sorts of scary.

Mallow money is our only income.

People keep asking Glen how he likes retirement - we both look at each other and chuckle a bit thinking 'they don't get it, do they?'

We've never worked so hard in all our born days.

We do take the Squirrel out for many shows. In fact, just this month we gutted the poor thing. I found taking a crowbar to the Squirrel more emotional than I thought I would - tearing out the benches that Aaron and I had our 'Lattes and Literature' at.

I'll talk more about that later.

Remember my cousin Jimmy? From Missouri?

This was last summer, he came up again this summer and helped us too.

This was last winter at the grand opening of an ice skating rink. See allllll those people? They were in a line to get s'mores. We roasted 400 s'mores in two hours. I.am.not.kidding.

Our work table looked like a crime scene - except it wasn't blood - it was chocolate!

I've had the logo redesigned somewhat - changed from red and yellow to blue and cream.

Of course, true Jayme-style - I question this decision on a weekly basis, and still wonder why I'm using a chicken in my logo.

I applied for, and was accepted by the Indiana Artisan organization as a food artisan. It's rather a big deal! They only accepted two food artisans this year, out of eighty applications, and I was one of them.

In the midst of the marshmallow mania - I felt the need to nurture SOMETHING. I adopted a pregnant cat. : -) She had five babies, which I then had to bottle feed after two weeks. We ended up keeping one of them.

I have no chickens, for now.

I re-homed them - just trying to keep life as simple as possible at the moment.

"Is that why you adopted a pregnant cat?"

Don't judge.

:-)

I also got zebra finches and a canary.

So there.

We do, many, many vintage markets. It's what seems to be our 'vibe'. I did a few festivals this past summer, but don't really cotton to people spillin' their beers upon my Waverly tablecloths.

There are so many vintage markets in the area - almost too many. It's hard to choose which one to do. I've been blessed with so many opportunities.

Just because I didn't think we had quite enough going on with our booth - marshmallows, s'mores, and a frozen hot chocolate drink - I up and made a Frosted Lemonade. It was an instant hit.

The Indiana Board of Tourism stopped at my booth and took some shots - I thought this montage turned out swell.

Just because s'mores, and s'mores on a stick weren't enough - I upped and made s'mores in a jar.

Again, and instant hit. Sold them like hotcakes. Then - we were doing a BIG show in South Bend, so I made 50 of them - and sold 3. For real.

I can't look at these anymore without feeling nauseated.

I hear that's what happens when you overeat something.

Not that I'd know a thing about that!

Fourth of July Mallow Kabobs!

Blueberry, Vanilla and Cherry.

Up in New Buffalo MI.

More adorable customers. These gals are the best. One of them drove three hours to get marshmallows. I'm totally serious.

I have groupies.

After burning out four- count them - four - KitchenAid mixers, I bought this.

I also bought a giant convection oven that I refer to as 'the beast'.

I can bake 125 cookies in the time it will take you to read this post.

Wedding favors?

Of course I do that.

Mallows.

Many, many mallows.

Aaron - I couldn't give an update without talking about him.

Have you seen this photo?

Gah. He's a gorgeous boy.

I have more 'real' photos of him on my phone, but that would require too much computer work to transfer them..ha..maybe next time.

He's well.

He's just so danged grown up.

Today I unpacked the fall décor - better late than never - and found the little construction paper pumpkin cutouts we did years ago. I immediately choked up. It just all went so fast. I want a do over! What a gift it would be if just for ONE day -we could go back in time - knowing full well that it was just for that one day - how we would leave our phones be, and be so fully present with our loved ones - wouldn't we?

Oh, if I could just have Aaron ONE MORE DAY as a baby - or a toddler - or five, or ten years old.

Sigh.

A cute caricature a very talented artist/vendor/friend did of me.

I got a bit misty when I saw it - to see me through someone else's eyes - you know?

She didn't draw bucked teeth or anything!

Our signature hot cocoa.

Salted Caramel mallow.

So this month marks two years since I started whipping sugar up into cubes.

It's by far the hardest thing I have ever done.

It has taxed me in every way possible.

Physically - it's exhausting. I have stood some, if not most - for the last two years - for 14 hours a day. My legs bear the tale. My feet sing the song nightly. I've been so cold at markets I've nearly cried. I've been so hot at markets I've nearly fainted. I've been swarmed by wasps. I've been in torrential downpours. I've had the wind nearly take the whole display.

Mentally - Lord have mercy - it's like juggling 59 balls in the air at once. I think there's a reason many businesses fail in the first couple of years. I just don't think some people are willing to give so much of themselves. It's funny - cause I think - it's MARSHMALLOWS for the love of God. But that's just the tip of the iceberg. It's paperwork. Finances. Developing recipes, perfecting recipes. Setting up a commercial kitchen. Dealing with the health department. Display. Graphic design. It goes on and on and on.

Emotionally - well, this is me you are reading about - so of course - I've been all over the board. At times, I feel dramatic and think 'I've ruined our lives!' - and then there are the times - like yesterday - 2pm in the afternoon - and we are swimming at the Y, or it's 7:15 in the morning, and the house is quiet, and Glenco is still wrapped in blankets, sleeping - not up and out at 3am driving a truck - and I think 'alright, alright, alright'.

I've met the most fantastic people, a few I consider dear friends now. I've seen people work HARD. I admire that. I always have. I've seen the comradery of generous, hard working people. I see that more than anything - and perhaps it's because I am reaping what I sow - I'm not sure - but I encounter kindness and love 99% of the time, from 99% of the people I meet.

Perhaps it's because I sell marshmallows - I mean - how can you NOT be happy?

If I'm honest - I have to say, things are starting to settle down, even if this IS the last day I have off until mid-December. Perhaps it's my mind that has settled down. I have a good kitchen routine - I have my shows booked for the rest of the year - I know what to expect.

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

If you've been around here long enough - you are familiar with my irrational fear of the number 53.

What started as a thought (read that again!) - turned into a belief - grew into a fear -

I had some notion that I wouldn't live past 53.

Completely unfounded.

But I thought it enough - that it became real to me.

I fought it often, and really had thought that I'd conquered it for the most part, until this past week.

As we were on our way to South Bend last weekend, I thought - is this it? A car accident?

As I tripped a little going down the basement stairs - is this it? An unfortunate accident with the laundry basket?

Yesterday - I didn't leave the house.

Last night - I said a silent prayer that I'd wake up today.

I think I'm safe - I'm 54 today.

Thankyaverymuch.

Most people that know me, would consider me quite fearless.

Go into the beehive without protection? I'm your girl.

Get 25 chickens on a whim when you know nothing about tending them?

Why the heck not!

Drive cross country without a cell phone?

What's wrong with that?

I could go on -

On a day to day basis - some of the things that I SHOULD have a second thought about - I don't -

yet fear has had a hold on me for as long as I can remember.

I had a very clear picture recently of 'eggsactly' what I was doing. It was if I had an idea - and thought 'well let's see what my counselor has to say about this' - and off I went to Dr. Fear - laid on his couch - and let him counsel me of all the things that could go wrong, and why I should fear this situation. He was quite thorough and even thought of scenarios I never would have dreamed of.

Dr. Fear suggests that I completely book myself with events to sell marshmallows so that there isn't a smidge of time left for myself.

He asks questions like 'well, if this is your income - don't you think you'd better get after it? I mean - a weekend free is lost wages!'.

So - I heed his counsel and I book. And I book. And all the while I have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach of 'how in the Sam hill?' - but I continue to heed the counsel of this scoundrel - and the next thing I know - my joy is drained.

And that's the co-pay of his counsel.

You pay with joy.

You pay with the very essence that is your life.

Your soul starts to wither up into a dark ball and you've nothing left to give anyone else - you've given it all to fear.

A very toxic relationship.

Most of our fears never come to fruition.

The fact that I'm still breathing and sitting on my couch typing this - proves that.

So what do I do today - what action do I take today that can sever this toxic thinking?

Today there will be teeth kicking.

Today I'm pulling out my planner and pulling out of some of the shows I've booked.

I have to.

I will pray for a heart and mind that is quick to recognize fear and all of it's faces.

I'm a 53 year old wannabe farmgirl, living in NW Indiana, renovating and decorating an old farmhouse built in 1869. I'm smitten with chickens, gardening, beekeeping, vintage campers, cooking, baking and all things home. I live in an apron. Welcome to my world.