I'm so disappointed. (Cripes: I can only imagine how Will Leitch feels. Or lead Bonds-basher and Cards fan Bob Costas. UPDATE: Here's Will's take, which has all the depth and nuance and, yes, mixed emotions you could ever want from an analysis of this story.)

This is WORSE than Barry Bonds. Yes: Worse.

Why? Because everyone already thought Bonds was juicing. It was already built in to our definition of him. Bonds' pain for fans was a dull chronic one; Ankiel's is a shattering career-ender.

With Ankiel, it is truly heart-breaking: His comeback story was one of the best of the year/decade/era, in a year where we needed it. He was a restore-your-faith-in-the-game poster guy.

But yet his instant legend is as performance-enhanced as the rest of them. (Honestly? Damn you, Rick Ankiel, for obliterating what was left of my sincere faith in the sport.)

I've been thinking a lot about the "worst" player names that could emerge from this scandal. It says a lot that I didn't even CONSIDER Ankiel, but -- as it turns out -- he's up there high on the list.

It's one thing to be an established or aging superstar be a cheater; it's another thing to have your phenom – your "Natural" – be a cheater. Cripes: It's like finding out that Roy Hobbs juiced.

Should we have suspected, given the magnitude of his transition from pitcher to super-hitting outfielder? Probably.

But it seemed like we all completely suspended our disbelief -- our natural cynicism -- because we *wanted* to believe in Ankiel's story.

That's what makes the news so much more painful. Yeah, in hindsight, we probably should have suspected.

But we didn't, and so this news seems to be shattering what little faith I had left in baseball.

It's made all the more ironic by the fact that Ankiel had his best day yet: 2 HR and 7 RBI in a Cards win. Hey: Ankiel IS "The Natural Unnatural."

UPDATE: As I begin to move through fan stages of shock, then anger (leading to saying things like "This is more distressing than Barry Bonds," I'm now quickly heading into resignation.

Technically, I understand that Ankiel wasn't cheating. (Was he even playing then?) HGH wasn't against the rules. Everyone does it. There's no evidence he is using PEDs now (or recently), only assumption and speculation. Yada yada yada.

It's just so damn... disappointing. That's all: Pure disappointment, from a normally cynical fan who enjoyed believing in a great story (for once).

Unfortunately, my net feeling ends up being: It was SUCH an amazing story, it was too good to be true...and it was...as it usually is. (Boo: Cynicism wins...again.)

UPDATE 2: In re-reading Will Leitch's take for the third time -- admiring its level of nuance (which some might call sympathy, which is totally reasonable given the writer's relationship to the subject) -- it lends itself to the question: Have you ever willfully turned a blind eye to a serious -- even fatal -- flaw of a sports hero of yours? I'm going to think about that this weekend, because it's an amazing concept and one of the biggest stories at the heart of this Ankiel story, given that it's more about disappointment than anything else. (h/t: Jamie "Mr. Irrelevant" Mottram, with whom a morning IM about this subject helped articulate this particular angle.)

Update 3: Blog reader Gerry came up with a terrific example of willful fan blind spots: Mickey Mantle. But that gets into an era -- a long era -- where fans knew NOTHING about their heroes, beyond the myths that the media -- speaking of turning a blind eye! -- kept hidden.

I don't know how to feel about this. 2004 is long enough ago that I feel like judgment is better withheld right now. As a Cubs fan, I'd like nothing more than for Ankiel to stop hitting home runs, please, but not like this...

You realize it was ayears supply in 2004 so he could try and come back as pitcher right? The only way it impacts his comeback as a position player/hitter is if he continued to use/buy during his recent comeback.

Like most sensational sports stories, it may very well be true, but what about the possibility that it is not, or simply misrepresented and that Ankiel may not have cheated at all? Instead of piling on quickly and ruining someone prior to hard evidence being presented (one report is not substantial) let it play out and enjoy the ride.

I am not a Cards fan, so this is not ardent fan support. I am still reeling from an schithead writed alleging that 3 Jays have juiced: http://drunkjaysfans.blogspot.com/2007/09/round-tripper-through-torontos_06.html

thats great news about ankeil. i always knew he was a fraud on many levels. this is just another one.

i dont see why taking HGH or roids or whatever is shocking or a big deal to anyone, but whatever, if it gets people to stop schlobbing this guys knob, im all for. josh hamilton is definitely a better story.

also this is just another example of how the cardinals are a pathetic joke of a franchise and should probably be kicked out of the league. they are all out of control.

Why the shock? I am kind of repeating previous posts but nearly all of our pro athletes use performance enhancing drugs. Why such shock at Ankiel. Whenever anyone plays amazingly great, makes a spectacular comeback, suddenly hits twice as many HRs, etc, etc, etc, they are probably cheating. Period. Of course there is one innocent guy out there somewhere. However at least 80-90% of the players juice so why should any individual be a surprise?

People sound like they just found out the tooth fairy is not real. Don't be so naive. Maybe it comes from growing up in NYC. You don't trust anyone and assume people are lying. The 3 card Monty guys are always cheating you. If they take your money, you deserve it for being gullible. Same for being shocked about a pro athlete juicing. If you can't take it, go watch the local little league game.

stop making excuses, he cheated once and do you really believe he stopped after a year. Maybe he just got smart and try to make sure his name could not be connected. He is a fraud and a cheater, same as Bonds, Same as Giambi, Same as Merriman, Same as Harrison, they all cheated, some have gotten caught others of not but it does not make them any different.

Clemens is legally going to get an cortisone injection. Perfectly legal in MLB, illegal in some other sports. Why is HGH or testosterone so bad but cortisone OK? Why is taking a caffeine pill OK but a greenie bad? They are just arbitrary rules.

All I have to say is if I had millions of $$$ at stake, I am juicing as well.

What the Ankiel story really brings home is my continuing fear of this Florida HGH bust. I have an intense fear of a Gators football player getting named in this thing eventually, and everybody piling on to "take away the '06 title." It's not that I want to believe all our players were clean (I believe there is no chance in hell all our--or anyone else's--players are clean) but I fear facing the kind of thing Will Leitch is going through on Deadspin today.

Everyone who piles on Ankiel should understand that someone on your team received HGH at some point--guaranteed--so imagine this is DLee or Vlad or Prince or whoever. If this is your most beloved guy, do you pile on like this? If so, OK, pile on Ankiel.

I think maybe what baseball needs is for more guys to get tied to HGH. Right now it's rare enough that it's a huge story every time that gets everyone's righteous indignation going at full force. Maybe if enough people got tied to it, the outrage would dilute, and we could just move on and watch baseball. Because I'm starting to think there's no way to police what goes into these guys: so why not give up and just enjoy what's on the field.

All I know is I'm getting tired of the "CHEATER!!! STRING HIM UP!!!!!" reaction to this stuff.

While it's slightly depressing to hear this, I really don't have a problem with it because...1. He was a pitcher at the time2. He was rehabing from surgery3. It wasn't banned yet4. He got off it before it was banned5. The transformation is the story6. His swing is what makes him a great hitter7. Nobody is saying he's on it now8. It might not even be true

i agree very much with cycledan. if players on my team arent taking 'illegal' steroids even tho they arent being tested and wont get caught then i have to question their commitment and also intelligence if they are not the very few who can excel without PEDs. try some HGH and make millions and bang hot sluts or play 'clean' so as not to dissapoint a bunch of whiney fans and toil in the minors for the rest of your life. uh, option A please.

hamilton's sins are not as bad becasue cocaine etc is going to make him play worse while the PEDs make you play better. but neither are really sins. who cares what junk players shove into thier bodies. prince feilder ate a bunch of trans fat and empty calories today. billy wagner plays with the fattest chew of tobacco possible. david wells im is still crushing beers for breakfast right now. who gives a shit?

Think Deadspin waited a little longer than usual to post this one today? You know, after the Pujols debacle and all, plus the blatant Ankiel slurping for the past month.

Listen, the guy's a great story. Josh Hamilton, Carlos Pena also have great "Comeback stories", so it's not like Ankiel was the only one who could take that title this year.

But if the report is so unquestionably true (as most people see to want to believe), than the fact that he stopped using before it was illegal must also be accepted as unquestionably true. You can't just believe half of the story, then ignore the other half to make your argument stronger.

The guy used before it was wrong. He hasn't been proven to use or admitted using since then. Period.

OMG A-ROD WAS ADDICTED TO FLINTSTONES VITAMINS WHEN HE WAS 8 Y.O. !!!11!1!

Seriously, the sooner we get over the fact that EVERY athlete is juiced, the better off we will be. After all, if everyone's doing it, it's no cheating, because it's not giving an unfair advantage. And sports would be boring as hell if the players weren't juiced.

Ankiel's story is now tainted, you can say all you want that he was still trying to be a pitcher but he cheated and how do we really know he stopped taking it and that the HR's he is hitting now would not just be fly outs without the HGH. All the major sports league should be subject to blood tests so they can test for HGH and get all the cheaters out of the game.

And the best comeback story this year by far is Jon Lester, none of these players have comeback to the major league level after being treated for a life threating disease

No kidding, not to mention Ankiel didn't even break any rules since there was no rule on this in 2004...

and this is the same screwed up mentality where people accuse the Tour De France of being so juiced when in fact it is the cleanest, imagine if football or hockey tested everyone after every game for everything??

I'm not a Cards fan and I really don't care one way or the other, but even so -- I don't think this is much of a story, and come on... 2004?!?

Bonds, etc., have left their legacy because now everything along those lines is going to be BLOWN up like its some gigantic deal, just like the Tim Couch thing that was similarly a non-story in my eyes.

If we all sit around getting outraged about shit that happened 3 or 4 years ago... what exactly is the point?!? Do any of you REALLY think that HGH he might have taken that long ago has ANYTHING to do with his performance TODAY?!? When it was "officially" banned by MLB in 05, he dropped it. END OF NON-STORY.

I think there is a huge, HUGE difference between an athlete taking HGH to quicken a rehabilitation process (such as Ankiel and Harrison) and a player taking steroids in order to gain an unfair advantage. HGH was not illegal, and was an accepted way to help rebuild damaged body parts. I don't know if you have ever gone through joint surgery while playing sports at a high level, but I went through ACL replacement in the middle of my college tennis career and the pain and scars from injuries such as that do not go away easily. I have nothing but support for Ankiel and I'm not even a Cards fan.

Maybe it's because I'm a left-coaster, but the only news I've really heard about Ankiel was from Dan. He put a lot of "we"s in his diatribe about being duped; shouldn't that be "he"s? How many people were REALLY connected to Ankiel in the first place?

Whats the deal? He was legally prescribed a drug that at the time was legal to use. And why was he using them? To help recover from an injury. If he was trying to do anything illegal why would he obtain the drugs via a legal prescription in his own name? Now prove to me that he used them after it was illegal to do so I'll jump right on the "Rick is a cheater" bandwagon. Heck, if they ban the use of cortisone after this year will everyone crucify every player who's had a injection previously? Didn't think so.

I want to believe that Ankiel "stopped using before the 2005 ban." But I also wanted to believe that McGwire and Sosa weren't using, even though I knew in my heart that they were using PEDs even during the chase. I wanted to believe that Bonds would do the right thing, retiring from baseball before he passed his godfather, Willie Mays, in homeruns. I wanted to believe Palmiero when he waved his finger at Congress.

Sadly, I am no longer naive enough to believe any of these"yeah, but ...." scenarios. Now I believe that Ankiel was using the HGH beginning in 2004. In 2005, word came down that the substance would be banned, so he (along with many others, I'm sure) figured out a way to hide his name at that point.

And, yes, I'm aware that players on EVERY MLB and NFL team have probably been using. But in the NFL, the players are hitting against each other so the net effect is somewhat neutralized. In MLB, the baseball can't push back, so that's why it's more profoundly felt there.

And never have I bought into the argument that "PEDs don't help you hit a baseball." That's a bunch of crap and anyone who has ever played baseball knows that. Take your kid sister out and ask her to swing a baseball bat. Look at her bat speed. Now swing it yourself and look at your bat speed. Of course you can swing a bat faster if you are stronger and of course that allows you to wait longer on the pitch and to get the bat there faster. Yes, there is hand-eye coordination, but don't you think Willie Mays would've hit a few more out his last few years if he could get the bat where his mind told him to a bit quicker?

And don't even get me started on Bonds' use of the giant piece of armour on his elbow....

I am a little disappointed by this news, that's for sure. But after reading the link Dan posted, this is old news and there is nothing at all implicating he is using the stuff since maybe 2005. The article in fact clearly stated he stopped BEFORE MLB officially banned HGH. There is a chance that there was a legit medical reason for him to have been prescribed this.. I am really not naive enough to believe it will play out that way, but let's withhold from the "this is the worst PED story ever routine"

Come on guys. You can't criticize Bonds and then make excuses for Ankiel. If HGH wasn't against the rules in 2003, then whatever Bonds was taking wasn't against the rules either. And if you're naive enough to believe he stopped taking them then you should probably take Bonds word that he stopped as well. If that's not convenient enough for you, that's tough. Ankiel = Bonds, Giambi, Sheffield, Merriman, Harrison, Matthews Jr., McGwire, Palmeiro, etc, etc, etc.

It sucks because it seemed like a great story, but it's not. I mean, guy going from a huge pitching prospect to a power hitter? How could we all not have thought that PEDs could've been part of the equation?

Oh well, we can all get on with our lives and know what we already all knew, that any one and every one of our favorite players/stories could be juicers.

ok - enough updates. dan shanoff and will leitch are upset - we get it. everyone else in the world will go back to caring about pennet races CFB and the NFL. please talk about that, as it is interesting and relevent. this story is done.

I'm not sure what you're asking me to say. (a) my comment about Bonds' elbow armor was NOT a sarcastic statement because (b) I DO believe that it has aided him immensely at the plate.

Again, using Willie Mays as an example. How many homeruns do you think he would've hit if he didn't have to worry about getting hit by an inside pitch? How much extra elbow support does a brace that firm and massive add? In my opinion, quite a bit. It has a freaking locking hinge at the joint, for crying out loud.

Force = mass x acceleration. Barry has added mass because his PEDs allow him to swing a heavier bat and because he is actually transporting the additional weight of the armor. His acceleration is greater because he's got the additional strength to generate body rotation. In addition, his elbow - because of the brace - does not have any "give" in it upon contact with the ball. A normal humanoid's elbow would lose/absorb some force at impact. Adding up the gain from both the PEDs and the elbow armor, he's getting much more force than a "normal" player.

I do apologize if you're a big Bonds fan and I've offended you, but I certainly can't say that my previous post was intended to be sarcasm.

@ gangsta d: You're absolutely right, and that's the stance I've taken for the entire Bonds' episode (and to a lesser extent, McGwire & Sosa). I can't stand the man, I hate the fact that a guy who admitted to using illegal enhancements when they were legal now owns two of the most historic baseball records around. But he's done nothing wrong since MLB took their collective heads out of their collective asses and actually made a rule. I personally choose to ignore Barry Bonds and anything he says or does.

@ theotherone79: That is a fantastic point about the cortisone shots, and probably the best way to illustrate just how stupid this whole thing is. If cortizone were outlawed at the end of the season, do we wipe all teh record books clean because players used something that was allowed at the time but would now be illegal?

The thing is, times change, and the rules must adapt with them. So while it's nice to sit back and condemn someone for doing something four seasons ago that is now against the rules, there's just no basis for an argument.

The one problem with the argument that since steriods weren't banned by MLB, that players shouldn't be blamed for taking them, is that steriods have always been illegal. Therefore, Bonds, Ainkiel, McGwire, and my beloved Rodney Harrison aren't just cheats, they are guilty of crimes. What Ainkiel did was really no different than buying a year's supply of blow as far as the law is concerned.

One thing to remember, while MLB had no rules against steriods, they were ILLEGAL to possess without a prescription from a doctor. And I would bet that baseballs steriod users were trying to hide the fact that they had them so they obtained them ILLEGALLY. I.E. forget homerun records, possible jail time could've been in their futures.

Sabernomics has a good take on this (and on HGH in general): http://www.sabernomics.com/sabernomics/index.php/2007/09/ankiel-and-hgh/

Basically, there's no evidence that HGH actually helps athletic performance (see his earlier post on HGH that he links in that one).

As for willfully ignoring a player's flaws? Its kind of minor, but intellectually I know Cal (and thus the Orioles) would've been better off if he would've taken a day off every once in a while, but i still admire the hell out of the streak.

Also, Sean Taylor is a gun criminal but I still root like hell for him.

I hate the, "Everyone's doing it, so its okay defense." I grew up dreaming to myself that I could be a professional sports star. Did I really believe it would happen? No, but its nice to have hopes and dreams.

Why should someone growing up today's dream be, "I can be a professional sports star, but only if I mangle my body with illegal drugs." The dream and the possibility of fulfilling that dream should not be reserved just for those willing to sacrafice their bodies, their health and the breaking of laws to live those dreams.

I couldn't agree with you more. And what about those guys who did it "the right way" and didn't make it, simply because others cheated their way to the top?

It's not just the home run records, etc. that bother me. The spiderwebs of badness that all this creates may not even be apparent. What if you are in the Wild Card race in the American League and your team loses an Interleague game because Ankiel hits a homerun? Then you lose out on the Wild Card by one game?

Everyone always talks about the records and individual stats. No one ever mentions the entire teams/cities that may get cheated out of a World Series because of cheating.

You talk about having a blind spot to sports heroes. Well, everyone seems to be ignoring the fact that EVERYONE in the Major Leagues was on amphetamines, which are just as illegal, and probably doing more harm to society than steroids are. We also have a blind spot to all the people who were probably on steroids before they were banned, but were smart enough to not leave a paper trail or deal with Radomski.

Another place to find people willfully turning a blind eye would be at Qualcomm Stadium on Sunday, where I'm sure there will be a ton of #56 jerseys in the stands.

To the guy who said "Seriously, finding out a baseball player used steroids is about as surprising as finding out a supermodel snorted coke."

Get your facts straight. Ankiel at this point is ALLEGED to have used HGH, not steroids. 2 very different things. HGH does not build muscle mass the way anabolic steroids does.

So, 3 years ago he was rehabbing from rotator cuff surgery. He was a pitcher, not a hitter. HGH 3 years ago has no effect on his hitting today and HGH isn't going to do much in the way of building muscle mass for you to hit the ball harder and further anyway. HGH was not a banned substance at the time he was ALLEGED to have taken it. So, he did not violate MLB rules. There was a damn question on ESPN today asking if he should be suspended. WTF? Suspend a guy who did not violate the rules? Are you going to go back and suspend other know offenders who used anabolic steroids whereas Ankiel used HGH? And you want to suspend him even though he didn't violate a rule? WTF are people thinking? If Ankiel wanted to be this big cheater and become some great juiced up super hitter ala Bonds don't you think he would have used anabolic steroids instead of HGH(allegedly)?

Has anyone noticed Ankiels physique? Not exactly Bonds like. He's not a very big guy. Have you actually seen him play? He has maybe the best bat speed I have ever seen. That's not something you get from HGH. Nor do you get power from HGH.

To top all of this off, did anyone hear the comments by his agent, Scott Boras? Boras said all of it is untrue and it never happened. That's a pretty strong statement from a guy, to put his own reputation out on a limb. That says a lot. So, maybe it's not true. How about we actually let some more facts come out?

Does anyone else get sick and tired of the way the media over sensationalizes EVERYTHING?

I just read a story on the espn site that said "In the midst of 1998, Associated Press reporter Steve Wilstein observed that McGwire had a bottle of androstenedione in his locker, not proof that McGwire used steroids but eyebrow-raising stuff."

Androstenedione.....not proof....but eyebrow-raising stuff? WTF does that mean? How in the hell was it eyebrow raising? A guy has a legally sold, over the counter supplement that is NOT an anabolic steroid in his locker and it becomes eyebrow raising? NO it's not.

I'm not debating here whether or not McGwire used steroids but to say that the andro was eyebrow raising when it was a completely LEGAL, sold over the counter supplement, is complete BS and downright irresponsible reporting.

People reporting and over sensationalizing like that need a swift punch to the jaw to make them realize just how completely stupid they are.

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DanShanoff.com is a sports-blog spin-off of my long-time ESPN.com column, "The Daily Quickie." Anchored by an early-morning post of must-know topics, the blog is updated frequently throughout the day with new posts and user comments.