UnNews:Nigeria offers Katrina aid

4 September 2005
Yesterday, the nation of Nigeria offered the United States $300,000,000 (THREE HUNDRED MILLION US DOLLARS) in aid for the victims of Hurricane Katrina. The money would be spent on food, housing, and rescue efforts in No Orleans nearly a week after the city was flooded and rendered uninhabitable. Over 200,000 people are missing, there is no electricity and conditions are said to be almost as bad as those in New Jersey.

The offer apparently came in the form of an email addressed directly to President Bush, which began as follows: "DEAR FRIEND, I AM THE SON OF THE LATE PRESIDENT M'BANGO, WHO RECENTLY DIED LEAVING $300,000,000"...

Nigeria, which pledged the amount during NBC's Katrina relief special, has asked that the U.S. pay the $50,000,000 transfer fee. President Bush immediately agreed and sent the money via PayPal late Saturday. During a press conference, he was quoted as saying "Nigerian transfer fee? What could possibly go wrong!"

President Bush also thanked Nigeria for the generous donation and announced that $3,000, an unprecedentedly large percentage of the donation, would go towards relief efforts. The rest would be split evenly among Reverend Pat Robertson's "Operation Convert Now or Fall Forever" and Halliburton.

Nigeria could not be contacted for comment and as of 2 hours ago, its phone line had been disconnected.

Latest rumors place it enjoying itself somewhere in the Caribbean by now. For other runaway countries, see CNN and the famous Switzerland kidnapping of 2001.