For the last few years of my life, I’ve been in a constant state of transition. Mostly good. Some difficult. But either way, not staying the same for any long period of time. I’ve always wondered why I’ve never really settled in anywhere, or in any particular scene. As if, the moment I finally get comfortable with myself and where I'm at, something shifts.

When I turned 27, I finally got to a stable place. I had a real strong relationship with Christ, an amazing church filled with people I love, a steady job, and great friendships. But here I am, a few years later, moving to the other side of the globe to Thailand!

Now, I know that sounds negative, but that’s not the case.

It’s not like I am refusing to fully step into this next stage of life. It’s more like a stark realization of where God has brought me, and where He's taking me next.

I’ve not always been someone who values having a strong relationship with Jesus or plugging into a local church where a person can experience real community. I've not always been kind, or someone who prioritizes respecting people, or being others-focused—I'm not perfect at any of those things even still.

I used to be someone who was focused only on my own agenda, my own wants, and my own needs. I wasn't concerned about whether my words hurt your feelings, nor was I concerned with what you thought about me or how I chose to live my life.

I look back on this "season" of my life where Jesus was not the focus and I can’t help but be thankful for this transition and change in my life. I’m thankful that I got out of my own head and surrendered to Jesus allowing Him to do his thing and re-shape my thoughts, motives, and ultimately my heart.

I have by no means arrived or found perfection. There’s still so much to learn. And, in many ways, God is still molding and shaping me by grace. I can't emphasize enough or bring to light the intensity of the ways that I need Jesus. But, what I can say, recognize, and rejoice in is the fact that He has indeed brought me this far; and I know He isn't finished.

This journey I am on, moving to Thailand, was not initially in my plans.

Honestly, I was thinking I would have been married by now and have a couple little soccer studs. I'd probably be focused on spending time with my niece during her elementary school years, coaching her soccer team, and investing time in our relationship.

Or maybe, I'd be helping my mom with my Dad's health issues so she doesn't have to navigate a new normal alone. I'd probably be able to invest in the new Cardiovascular Institute here and work to further my career with the people I love working with.

I'd probably be taking on a new group of freshman girls in my church's student ministry, mentoring and doing life with them as they head into some of the most influential years of their lives. I'd would be right here at home, comfortable and safe. Here, in my sweet spot, operating in a normal where I feel confident in my abilities and what I bring to the table.

But, the reality is, that’s not my story.

The life I thought I would live wasn't the life the Lord intended for me. It's weird to even type that. To think that I can't and don't actually control my life. It doesn't mean I won't ever get any of the things my heart desires right now, it may mean I have to wait, or he'll change my heart's desires—as he often does.

I forget sometimes that committing yourself to Jesus means accepting the fact that He is in control of your time here on this giant rock. Why do people think that is a bad thing? Why would I have ever thought that was a bad thing? It's not. It's the best thing ever. Listen, if I would have still been in control of my own life, it wouldn't have looked like the pretty of the previous paragraph because at the rate I was going, and the way I was living, it would have made even that difficult.

God is completely aware of the fact that I desire to be married and have kids one day. He is 100% aware of the fact that my niece is one of the most important earthly relationships that I have. He is FULLY aware that my Dad's health has changed and how it creates a new normal for my family. He is absolutely aware that I am scared out of my mind about the unknown and that I don't have an outline of what the next 10 years of my life will look like.

He's wholly entirely to the max in every way aware.

He was never unaware of all of the feelings I have about this transition. About change. God is aware of the fact that I cannot do even a single step of this next season of my life without him.

And, the best thing about it is that he’s aware, and he cares, and he promises that he will never leave me or forsake me. This means that every single time that I miss something important in Kendall's life, he'll be there. Every time my friends experience something great or something hard and I can't be there to rejoice or mourn with them, he’ll be there. This means that each new step in my Dad's journey that I won't physically be there for, however long, he'll be there. Each time I feel like I'm missing out on life back home, he's gonna be there.

I'm saying all of this out loud for myself not only for my benefit but to also encourage you and to let you know how I feel. This next stage and season of my life are exciting. I’m jacked up about what God has for me in Thailand and beyond—even though I don't have all the details of what that may entail. I’m excited to see how He plans to use me and my team and who He will bring into our lives and all of the possibilities that business as mission can bring. I'm looking forward to new relationships and new places.

I’m excited, but I am also human.

The beauty of that dichotomy is that Jesus is constant through my excitement and my doubt. He's constant through each new stage of this huge transition. He's constant through the good days and the bad ones. And, what keeps me grounded is that I know at the end of the day, no matter how I am feeling at that moment, I don't ever have to question the fact that Jesus loves me, his plans for me are far better than what I have dreamed up in my head, and he will keep me. For he is trustworthy!