A werewolf writes literary nonsense as it travels across Australia by Google Maps

Tag Archives: Baggy green

Three hours after leaving Chinchilla we received word that a rockfall had blocked the tunnel. Colin and Ollie were informed, and soon raced ahead to clear the way. Their colliering skills meant we surfaced at The Gap on schedule. The sun was reaching its apex as the COG led us into the daylight of our destiny. I had faded to grey, and felt comfortable that way.

Emily and Brian led the COG commandos at the head of our line; I had never seen such courage from a pair of hats. Although they shone with a golden hue when first meeting again, nobody could accuse them of being yella in a cowardly way.

Talking of yellow, I was missing Emily not being on my head, with the scorching sun sizzling my sight and cooking my cranium! It was a relief when we reached some tree cover.

Emerging through the outdoor, a river lay below us. Churchilla said it was Bri’s bane’s main defensive line. I couldn’t imagine how all the furry little chinchillas were going to cross the river, but I was in for another nice surprise.

When we arrived at the river, more of my West Coast friends were in it: Winona, Walter, Wendy, William and Dweezil whale sharks; and Dolly the Dolphin. Moreover, there was also a big boat moored there, and who should be skippering it but Captain Dec O’ Rum. I asked where Dai ‘on the Seas’ was. Dec said he was doing fine, and had gone into town looking for wine and women.

It was a magnificent morale booster to see them all again, and a renewed confidence surged through me. After hugs and greetings, they helped us cross the river.

Although it was a relief that we’d all traversed the water safely, arriving on the other side felt like being on the sharp end of a double-edged sword; because we were now at the foot of Greenslopes, with battalions of Bri’s bane protecting the peak.

We rushed into the cave, and hurtled through the narrow passages as if time was of the essence. My hat seemed to be getting stronger with every step, and provided enough glow for us to see clearly; it felt like I was wearing a green neon sign pointing ahead.

I started singing ‘Always look on the bright side of life…’ and the others quickly joined in.

Brian the Baggy Green

Then we turned a corner into a cavern complex. It was full of people, animals… and other objects. My hat suddenly flew off and headed straight for a baggy green hat. They met in mid-air, and embraced passionately.

When they returned to our level, my hat almost knocked me over without touching me, as it spoke for the first time.

It said, ‘Hello Grey, my name is Emily, the Emerald Hat. I am sorry I couldn’t talk to you before, but it would have been too dangerous for you. I had to wait until I was reunited with my other half, Brian the Baggy Green. It was foretold in historic hatlore that a greeny werewolf Halfling would survive a hat-trick of green tasks before reuniting the hats of hope here in the Emerald Beach cave. The union of green would lead to a top hat age of unpolluted peace and prosperity.’

I said, ‘It’s nice to talk, and it’s no problem about the previous lack of communication, but there is just one thing, for I am Grey.’

Emily seemed to smile, before asking me if I’d seen myself lately.

I looked down and was totally shocked to see that I was green all over. I had become green in the Emerald Cave without even realising it. It felt like a landmark moment, and I now felt confident I could achieve anything; just like I always think Green can. I felt like bouncing around the cave like a spring green.

However, Emily quickly brought me down to earth with a warning, ‘There are still great tests ahead, and we will require your services again if you want to remain with us. We are heading north to our destiny; a war to end all wars. For Brian it is the bane of his life. If you join us, I’m sure we can win this one last great battle, and all return to the lives we desire.’