Hugh(Off) Very tall. She's very tall, with brown hair.
Hugh enters.
Yes, right. Of course she's tall. Yes. I was thinking
of her being quite short, because of course she's
lying down at the moment. So she only comes up
to my waist. From my point of view, you see, your
wife is very short ... and very wide. But I expect
that when you're at home, she stands up quite a
lot, and so then you're bound to see more of her
tall side.

Stephen
Can I see her?

Hugh
No, you can't.

Stephen
Why not.

Hugh
Well, because there's a wall in the way.

Stephen
No. Can I go in and see her?

Hugh
Aha. It's not advisable, frankly. Patients who've just
had their tonsils out, are always a bit ...

Hugh
Er ... I am your son. I was born about twenty
minutes ago. Sorry, I should have mentioned
it earlier.

Stephen
You're my son? What are you talking about?
Where's the baby?

Hugh
I'm the baby, Mr Quick. Unfortunately I was born
with a strange disease called Stimtirumtumtum
which means that I look and sound like an adult
even though I'm only twenty minutes old. It's very
rare, but strangely enough it's also quite common.
Muriel Gray has got it.

Stephen
Muriel Gray?

Hugh
Yes. Only a trained doctor would know that she's
just six months old.

Stephen
You're mad.

Hugh
Maybe, Mr Quick ... father. But you know, I blame
the parents.

Stephen
Can I see my wife now?

Hugh
Mother? Of course. We can be a family at last.

Stephen
Shut up.

Hugh
Yes, I always say that fathers should be present
when their wife's tonsils are being taken out.