Parents not very interested in wedding and I'm feeling sad about it

Just writing for some moral support. My wedding is on September 6 (yes- next week!) and I am a bit sad. My parents do like my fiance a lot but they have not really been involved with any planning and almost seem afraid to ask questions. They don’t really seem excited, which makes me not feel so great. It is almost like the wedding is the elephant in the room. My fiance and I are footing the bill and they can’t really afford to contribute, which is ok with me! We both are in our 30s, have good jobs and are able to foot the bill. I suspect they probably feel a bit guilty. The other thing is that I am an only child and we are a close family… we have made it through some tough times together (thankfully, only financial hardships and not health-related ones) and sometimes it has been hard to have times consisting of pure happiness. I just wish that this could be one of those occasions and that my parents can realize that this is a happy occasion where they should be guilt free. It is symbolic of our little family growing 🙂 I almost feel guilty myself and sometimes wonder if I am being selfish in pursuing this wedding thing, while my family struggles with other things. We have always supported each other and this will never change!

Anyway, this was just a way of venting as I don’t want to really bring it up to anyone. This brings up some pretty strong emotions within me and even typing this out helps. All the best to everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Awe, I’m sorry you’re feeling a bit sad when your wedding is so close! I’m sure it’s stirring up all sorts of emotions… the good and the bad (unfortunately!)

I’m getting my parents a gift and sentimental card to give to them on the day of the wedding, maybe write down what you’ve said in this post in a card to each of them, about how much you’ve been through as a family, how much it means for them to be at your wedding, and how much you love your parents.

That’s a lovely idea, MoonAndStars! I should and I will do something like that. I think that I just even have muted my own excitement over the matter. I guess it’s obvious that I am not as excited as people expect a bride to be because people ask me why I am not more excited! It may sound silly and childish for me to be this way, but they sacrificed so much for me to be where I am today and I owe them everything! Thank you for the well wishes 🙂

maryshelley: Hi there. I feel like I can relate to you quite easily. I’m 36 and FH is older. We are both very financially independent and are paying for most of the big day ourselves. My two older siblings got married much sooner in their lives and so my parents played a bigger role in their wedding planning. As a younger person, I was able to see just how more involved they were with my siblings. Now that it’s my turn and I’m in a different place, their role has been much different. It’s almost hands off, in fact.

I had my final(ish) dress fitting a week ago and prior to that, I told my mom that I was sad that she’d been unable to join me in any of this (due to distance primarily) and that while I was happy to share the moments with my friends, I wish I could share it with her. Well, wouldn’t you know it that she came up the next day to spend time with me and go to that fitting.

What I’m getting at is that sometimes we need to express out feelings, wants, needs and desires to our families. They might think we have it all handled when perhaps what we really need is an outward sign of love and support. For me, it was my mother’s presence at a 30 minutes appointment. For you, it might be a lunch date with your parents where they tell you how happy they are for you and how proud you make them. I know you say that you don’t really want to bring it up but I feel like if you are silent, you may regret it.

This post could have been written by me! My wedding is also on the 6th (date twins!) and my parents could care less. They have never expressed any interest in meeting FH’s parents (first meeting will be at the rehearsal dinner). They haven’t had any input in the wedding planning process. When asked if she wanted to go wedding dress shopping with me, my mother’s EXACT words were, “I’d rather go shopping myself. But I’m sure whatever you pick will be fine.” Granted, I live in a different city than they do and she was visiting at the time but still…

I totally understand the feeling of wanting your parents to be just as excited and happy as you are and then getting disappointed when they aren’t. My coping mechanism has just been to ignore it and hope that on the day, it’ll finally sink in that I’m getting married and they’ll be more excited then…

WOW! I’m getting married Septemeber 6th too and fell the same way! All along I have tried to involve my mom in the process and she just doesn’t seem interested. I am also older- 42 and my second marriage, my FI’s first. Paying for it ourselves. I just cannot understand the total lack of interest- she loves my FI. I am not asking for money, just a little interest. It doesn’t matter how old you are, you stil lwant to know your mom cares.

Yet, I spent 4 hours shopping for her dress and she talks endlessly about her dress, her makeup, her shoes- even telling me she will be glad when the wedding is here because getting things ready is so stressful- WHAT?!?! So she is interested, but only in the things that relate directly to her. Almost makes me LOL!

I had a blow up with her this week and when I brought up she has not even offered to help- she acted very surprised and actually said it never crossed her mind to offer. REALLY? You’re my mom! Her argument is I am so capable and always have things so well organized that she didn’t think I would even need help. UGH

So you are not alone. I am trying to not care about how my mom is. She will be fine that day. you can’t change the way people act.

But it has really bothered me much more this week than any other time, I guess because things are so close.

Thank you all for your words! It is nice to be able to vent and to hear that, despite whatever apparent lack of interest that exists on the part of the family, the show will go on 🙂

I will have a chit chat with my parents to see what they are thinking… I think that they are not wanting to step on my toes and appear overbearing.

I am bothered that my dad has taken an approach where he has not mentioned anything about the wedding in my presence since May! I am almost afraid to even mention anything wedding related around him… it seems so strange and it is casting a bit of a shadow on me. I suppose everyone will wonder why I haven’t asked him why he is acting that way and my answer is that I don’t want to unearth some thought or emotion that could potentially throw me off in the days leading up to this. The last thing I need to do right now is get more emotional!

May be I watch too many wedding shows on TLC or something, where everyone is clammering over each other to offer help 😀 Although, it would seem that isn’t always a good thing, either! Even from his side of the family I expected a bit more enthusiasm (his mom got more into it when she realized she had less than two weeks to find her own dress) and I was a little put-out that, as time progressed, that his family didn’t really reach out to me by phone (they live four hours away).

I hope that all my Sept.6 comrades have BEAUTIFUL and JOY-FILLED DAY! No matter where you are, where you are, what job you have, etc… we all deserve it. I love being able to share stuff with everyone here because I haven’t had the guts to share it with anyone I know! Hugz to everyone.