Having a toddler can be a fun and exhausting experience and you might be taking this process day by day. However, raising a toddler to become an independent adult is both important and necessary. You can work to raise a child that will know how to take care of themselves through fostering autonomy, teaching them how to problem solve, and encouraging play that is developmental.

Steps

Method1

Encouraging Autonomy

1

Be flexible with their clothing. While ensuring that your child knows how to dress properly and appropriately, work to also give them choices. Allowing them to choose teaches them that they have control over themselves and what they put on their bodies. Even when your child picks out an outfit that is a bit odd, allow them to wear it at least once in a while.[1]

See what outfits they will pick out and then make suggestions to them based on that. If they are very young, you can also pick out a few outfits and then let them choose one.

2

Give them flexibility in other choices. Beyond clothing, try not to make every single choice as it relates to your child. Don’t pick what toys they can play with, what cartoons they watch, or how much juice they drink. Give them a few options at mealtimes. Allow them certain basic level autonomy.[2]

3

Assign chores. Teach your child the value of hard work and pitching in. Give them daily and weekly tasks based on their age level that they must complete each day. For instance, a two or three-year-old might have to put all of her toys away when she is done.[3]

Do not clean up all of your children’s messes for them, especially if they are able to clean it themselves.

4

Avoid over-giving. Many who fail to become independent adults were spoiled as children. Avoid buying your child every single toy or snack that they see in the store. Know that it is okay to say no sometimes. Doing so will teach your child the value of both gifts and patience.[4]

Do not give your children gifts if they are misbehaving regularly at home or at daycare.

5

Hold them accountable when they do wrong. Know that your toddler will make mistakes and may even throw a tantrum occasionally. Instead of letting them off the hook, set punishments that are fair and age appropriate.[5]

For instance, if your child has been acting out, put them in timeout proportionate to their age. As an example, a three-year-old should be put in time out for three minutes.

6

Forget perfection. Though you want to raise your child to be as good as possible, do not try to make them be perfect. In your quest to raise an independent child, there will be times that you feel that you are failing. Rather than correcting your child over every tiny mistake that they make, know when to let things go and when to act.[6]

Your toddler is learning, too, so give them some grace.

7

Don’t push them. Avoid forcing your child to try something before they are ready. You might be a petting zoo hoping your child will interact with the animals or have just purchased them a new tricycle that you want them to ride. Let them sit in your lap if they are scared until they decide to act. Part of encouraging independence is allowing them the choice of when to act.[7]

Method2

Teaching Them to Problem Solve

1

Teach them rather than do for them. Try to teach your child one new, simple task each week. It can be something small like how to put toothpaste on a toothbrush or how to play a game on your phone.[8]

Each new task that you teach them will help them become more independent and will save you the time of having to do it for them in the future.

2

Allow your child to help. Don’t refuse your child when they want to help you, even if their help complicates things. Maybe your son wants to help fold the dishcloths or your daughter wants to help with the vacuuming. Allow them to participate even if for a small period of time.[9]

3

Allow your child to find solutions. You might observe your child struggling with something; if so, resist the urge to intervene, even if it is a simple fix. You will often find that your child will be able to figure it out if given a bit of time. Feel free to guide them but do not fix everything for them.[10]

If your child is learning to ride a bike without training wheels, help and teach them, but allow them to fall a few times under your supervision. It is often the mistakes that children make that are the greatest teachers and motivators to success.

Also, if some of their toys are tangled together, allow them to figure out how to untangle them while helping occasionally.

4

Avoid immediately replacing broken or lost toys. Teach your child to be more careful and to value their possessions more by avoiding the urge to replace what they break. Doing so will only teach your child that no matter what they do, you will always fix their problems for them. Avoid teaching them this lesson.[11]

Children tend to care more for things that they had to work hard or wait for.

5

Let them resolve their own issues with siblings and peers. Rather than intervening at the slightest disagreement, allow your child to try to figure problems out on their own. Children are often able to do so alone without intervention, so give them a chance. Only intervene if the argument becomes physical or if your child is being belittled or insulted.[12]

6

Encourage them to feed themselves. Teach them to be independent by empowering them to feed themselves. Purchase toddler-sized utensils and cups to help them in this process.[13]

Cut up their food when necessary and be sure to supervise. You don’t want them to choke.

7

Teach them potty training basics. Your toddler may have just begun the initial potty training phases. Help them to navigate this process more independently by allowing them some control. For instance, instead of taking their pants down, you can allow them to do that themselves.[14]

Method3

Encouraging Independent Play

1

Purchase blocks. Blocks are a great way to help foster your child’s independence in a way that other toys do not. Most toys can only be used or played with in a certain way but blocks allow for greater autonomy and creative control. Purchase a set for your child and see what they create.[15]

2

Try not to oversee their play. It is healthy and normal for you to play with your child, but allow them to play without you most of the time. You might unknowingly take over the play more than you realized, thereby limiting their independence.[16]

Allow them to play alone while you are cooking or cleaning or having some personal time.

Childproof your home so that you don’t have to worry about them injuring themselves while playing alone. Check in on them every few minutes to be sure they’re okay.

3

Play hide and seek. Encourage your child to play hide and seek with their playmates or siblings, or even with you. Doing so helps them to become comfortable with the unknown and to also be able to make decisions, such as where to hide and where to seek, for themselves.[17]