Saturday, April 24, 2010

I took a long walk down memory lane today. I have mixed feelings about this walk. Part of me laughed out load at the notes between some of my best friends and myself during high school. The other part of me wanted to cry when I read an email from a dear friend who I would never see again. I also read a lot of things that I wrote during a very antsy and uncertain time of my life. It's like looking back at yourself 10 years ago and wanting to reach into that letter/email/IM and scream, "It will all turn out alright!" or "Don't date that guy, he's a jackass!" or "Cheer up, it's only PMS!!" It amazes me how much I angsted in my teens. It also amazes me that I'm exactly that same girl. I remember everything as if it happened yesterday. I remember the emotion attached to each letter, each scribble. Yup, I am that girl - just 10 years older and wiser.

I'm sure when I'm 40, I'm going to look back at myself now (age 27) and go, "Gee, I sure worried a lot." or "If only I knew then what I know now..."

In other news, I came across a list I created in my college years. It was hidden between pages in my Chem II notebook (i just threw up a little thinking about Chem II).

This list was simply titled, "What I Want."

I must have just gone through a break up with my high school love muffin, or gotten fed up with the Fratty boys I had dated. Whatever the reason, I decided to make a list of what I really wanted in a man. Here goes...

- someone I can be excited to start my life with

- someone I find very attractive, even on their ugly days

- ... who wants what I want in life

- ... I'd be proud to have kids with

- ... who could provide if I ever when I want to raise a family

- ... with passion about something

- ... who makes me feel hot

- ... who's genuinely happy

- ... who loves animals

- ... who makes me feel taken care of

- ... my parents LOVE

- ... who I can imagine giving a lot to and not always being selfish

- ... with excellent manners

- ... who makes me feel like a lady

- ... with amazing communication skills

- ... with a close relationship with their family

- Gotta be a Christian

I shared it with Happy Pants this evening. Funny how he meets all my "qualifications." I showed it to my mom too, and she said, God must have been reading that list over your shoulder. :)

Sometimes memory lane can lead to some neat findings. I also found a hilarious letter I wrote to my future self back in Junior High (in which my biggest crush, Matt, also added that I had a nice "toosh"), and a note from my mom when we were at a convention telling me that whatever happens, just be my wonderful, genuine self and no matter what, I was worth every penny that it cost to be there.

Twas fun. I only have the energy to walk memory lane once in a blue moon. It's pretty dang exhausting reliving your past, but I wouldn't trade any of it.

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comments:

When I think of what kind of life/man I wanted back in high school, college and law school, it's absolutely amazing how different the ideas are. But your list of traits taps into the heart of who you are and who you will be compatible with, and if those things start to change is when you need to reevaluate yourself and your wants. Great post. Great list.

Thanks NatureCat and *uncorked! It's kind of a simple, young-sounding list, but it still holds true to this day. I bet if I had made the list in h.s. it may have sounded slightly different because I didn't have the relationship experience I needed to create that list.

Funny, I found the list I created in college the other day (funny what you find when preparing for a garage sale, eh?). Lobster and I looked over it and laughed. My list had a bit more specific criteria, such as "nice teeth" and "non-chicken legs." Luckily, Lobster satisfies all requirements except "musically talented" and "Republican." Haha!