I haven’t posted in ages on Giving Up Sugar. Mostly this is because once you’ve given up the white stuff there’s little left to say, and I am not one to hang out in my kitchen creating mouth-watering sugar-free treats. (Which is a shame, because I suspect I could make a killing.)

However, some of you on your own sugar-free journey may be interested in my next foray into wellness.

I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s disease at the ripe old age of 27. Hashimoto’s is an autoimmune disease and is the most common cause of hypothyroidism (which I have too).

I was not at all surprised when I received my diagnosis. Most of the women in my family have hypothyroidism, so I knew what was up when I put on a huge amount of weight in 6 months, felt like a slug all the time, had a puffy face, thinning hair and had freezing cold hands. The hands thing was the final piece in the puzzle for me, as I had previously been one of those ridiculously hardy folks who swan around in summer clothing in the middle of winter. But now people would shake my hand and cry out ‘Flipping heck, have you been dipping your hands in ice water?’ Something was definitely wrong.

I had to beg my doctor to run the tests as she didn’t expect someone to have hypothyroidism at 27. But to her credit, she was swayed by my family history and ran the tests (I now realise how fortunate I was that my doctor listened to me. Many people with Hashimoto’s are misdiagnosed as having a mental illness). I’m not kidding when I say it took me 6 more years to fully understand the implications of my condition and to accept the limitations of it. I spent those years ignoring my body, being lackadaisical about taking my medication, pushing myself through the tiredness and brain fog, and generally trying to live as I had before until I gave myself a bad case of burnout.

It was the burnout that forced me to pay more attention to my body and my lifestyle. My body was screaming at me to slow down because it could not take it any more.

So I slowed down and began to recover. Giving up sugar helped my energy levels to increase, and I was able to reduce my thyroid medication a bit, plus I lost weight. Then eating the Trim Healthy Mama way (which is refined sugar-free) helped me shed two more dress sizes and feel more energetic. But it hasn’t quite been enough.

I have always had a tricky case of hypothyroidism. My thyroid levels almost always require tweaking of my medication and I am closely monitored for this. Sometimes I need more thyroxine, sometimes less. Even when my thyroid levels are ‘normal’, I keep having bouts of unexplained tiredness, poor memory, brain fog, irritability and feeling so, so cold. Some of these ‘thyroidy bouts’ as I call them, can last a few weeks or a few months. At the moment I am a bout which has been going on for a couple of months now. Fun times.

Trips to doctors have them treating me like I am a mental health patient, despite the fact that I am a patient with hypothyroidism, complaining of hypothyroidism symptoms. But as my thyroid levels are ‘fine’, doctors don’t seem to know what else to do other than screen me for depression and look confused. I have learned to take my husband with me to all such appointments for back up as I am never taken seriously without having him there to say ‘Yep, what she is saying is absolutely true.’

My thyroidy bouts are not fun, and are very hard on my husband as he has to pick up my slack. I’m a stay-at-home parent to two toddlers, so that’s a lot of crazy slack to be picked up! I’m sick of these bouts affecting me – and my family – despite the fact that my test results are ‘normal’. There has to be more that can be done.

Our genes play a part in the development of autoimmune disease, but diet and lifestyle can reduce the effects once that switch is flicked on. I’m pretty active in the Hashimoto’s online community and have seen many reports from fellow sufferers saying they’d seen a huge reduction in their symptoms by following the Autoimmune Protocol. It’s like the Paleo diet, but harsher. The first phase is an elimination diet where you cut out the usual suspects like grains, eggs, soy, dairy and sugar. But the Autoimmune Protocol goes further. Developed by Dr Sarah Ballentyne – an expert on immunity and inflammation – the protocol also cuts out nuts, seeds, alternative sweeteners, nightshades and NSAIDS (ibuprofen etc). The main focus of the protocol is to eliminate foods that contribute to leaky gut and bad gut flora from the diet. You can read more about the science behind the protocol here.

People with autoimmune diseases can expect to see significant improvement within a few weeks or months, although some may take longer. I feel confident about doing the first phase because it’s not forever. Once a measurable improvement happens, then a slow reintroduction to other foods can begin. Many people discover they react badly to nightshades (tomatoes/potatoes/eggplant/peppers) and have to avoid them for life, and I suspect this might be the case for me. My father is deathly allergic to raw tomato, and my skin often reacts to nightshades when I prepare them for cooking. Other people can successfully reintroduce eggs, nuts and dairy, so I hope I’m one of those!

Food elimination diets are daunting. But if you’ve eaten something all your life, you may be unaware of its impact on your health and well-being. I never truly knew how addicted to sugar I was until I eliminated it and saw improvements in my energy and saiety levels. People who’ve gone AIP report significantly negative reactions to many of the reintroduced foods (like two weeks of feeling yuck), and those reactions are enough to help them avoid that food for life. I’m hopeful that getting to the bottom of any food intolerances will help me kick my thyroidy bouts for good.

I wondered what on earth there would be left for me to eat if I attempted AIP. No eggs. My staple breakfast. No dairy. But, but what’s life without cheese? No curries? I think I might cry.

Help was at hand thanks to my local library and The Autoimmune Paleo Cookbook, by Mickey Trescott. D and I were so impressed by this book, we immediately bought our own copy. Besides being a beautifully designed and photographed cookbook, what had me going ‘okay, this lady is my new BFF’ was that Mickey acknowledges that sticking to AIP during the elimination phase is HARDER THAN HARD. She acknowledges that having to make every single dish, sauce or dressing from scratch feels like a Herculean task if you work full time, have kids, or are sick. You know, from an autoimmune disease. If that’s you, Mickey’s your gal. She has meal plans and shopping lists to ease into the AIP way. There are also many other great AIP books out there if you look online.

I haven’t started AIP yet, but I do have a starting date (28 July). I’m approaching this like I did when I gave up sugar. I’m not quitting until my social calendar is empty. My birthday and a trip away are coming up soon, so I will go AIP after then. I will be turning down dinner invitations and dining out while I’m on the elimination phase because I can’t be bothered with the hassle it would entail. I have a wedding to go to in September and I think I will just tell the beautiful couple not to worry about a meal for me, and take my own food. I want to cause zero hassle on their big day. It will definitely be weird, but when you are on the elimination phase you absolutely cannot cheat. If you have a reaction to something, you probably won’t be able to work out what caused it (Was it the dressing? Were the veges sauted in butter? etc.).

To be perfectly frank, I’m rather looking forward to waving 2014 goodbye.

I’ve never known such an annus horribulus, and I’m certainly not the only one feeling this way. Apart from my birth of my gorgeous wee son (cue gratuitous Daniel photo)…

… this year is one I will look back on with much fondness. I spent the first seven months in a pregnancy fatigue funk, which fortunately went away as soon as the baby arrived. The fatigue was replaced with the expected sleep deprivation that babies create, although largely due to Daniel having the dreaded reflux.

Reflux. Ugh. How I loathe thee.

For the first few weeks I had an angel baby. He slept well and was putting on weight like a champ. Then he started to get a bit unsettled. Then really screamy. Then his sleep deteriorated. I suspected reflux, but the diagnosis was complicated by the baby getting a nasty virus doing the rounds, and a hidden tongue tie.

Life descended into chaos. The baby screamed ALL day. I’m not exaggerating. Things got so bad we had a friend come every morning to help out, and had to farm out our daughter as much as possible to her grandmothers because it was impossible for me to spend much time with her. Then my daughter got the virus. Followed by D. And then her grandmothers.

So I am the only well person dealing with a sick, screaming baby; a sick, clingy, only-Mummy-will-do toddler; and a sick, sleep-deprived husband. I seriously thought I was going to lose my mind at one point.

Life has gotten less chaotic, although we are still struggling to manage the baby’s reflux, even with medication. But he is ridiculously cute, which helps a lot! He is predictable at least, and I have been able to spend more quality time with my daughter who delights me with her ever-expanding conversational skills (she’s pretty much into full sentences now) and her silly sense of humour.

The worst thing has been my sister-in-law passing away after a short battle with cancer a few weeks ago. She was only 37. She had multiple health conditions for most of her life, which she courageously managed to rise above. She was an inspiration to most people who met her, and my life is certainly richer from having known her. I’m saddened that my children will never appreciate just how much their Auntie loved them and how important they were to her, and it’s been beyond horrible to see my brother suffering the loss of his much-loved partner in life.

So yeah, 2014 can kiss my ass.

In the midst of all the drama of late, I have done what I always do in tough times – turn to food for comfort.

I’m sorry to say I have been indulging in too much of the white stuff of late. It’s incredibly frustrating to find myself reacting in my old ways when life gets tough. You think you have this addiction conquered and then – wham! Oh no you don’t.

It just goes to show that for many of us, food is an incredibly complex issue. It’s so much more than fuel. If losing weight or getting ‘healthy’ is a simple matter of calories in vs. calories out then there should be more of us out there rocking skinny jeans, and I personally would have an entire wardrobe of body-con dresses.

I have worked with addicts a fair bit in my life, and know I need to treat myself with the same compassion that I would them. I know about triggers. I know that relapses happen. I know that over time I will experience them less and less, until I am eventually free.

In New Zealand we have a ‘celebrity’ psychologist called Nigel Latta. He’s predominately worked with troubled children and their families, and is pretty much my parenting guru. I love his laidback approach to parenting, as he reckons parents today are so bombarded with parenting information that we tend to overthink things. I’m in Camp Nigel. I think the parenting industry is big business and mostly only serves to make us anxious that we are screwing up the lives of our dear little ones.

Anyhow, Nigel has fronted a range of tv shows on differing subjects (not all parenting related) and his latest one is brilliant. Not so imaginatively called ‘Nigel Latta’, the show is a six part documentary on what he sees as the major issues facing New Zealand at the moment. It’s been a confronting and depressingly grim show and yet contains enough hope that successful ways to tackle these issues are possible. He looked at inequality in New Zealand, domestic violence, alcohol, our education system, our prison system, and SUGAR.

The episode was called ‘Is Sugar the New Fat?’ I’ve been on this sugar free journey for a couple of years now and am well aware of the evils of the white stuff, but let me tell you, this show terrified me. D and I were very disturbed by it and it has certainly strengthened our resolve to be a sugar-free family. Now for us sugar-freers, there wasn’t a great deal of new information in the show, but the guy knows how to put a show together. Nigel talked to sugar slaying Dr Robert Lustig who talked about the addictive nature of sugar, and its insidious addition to processed food. Nigel looked at how much sugar is in staple NZ foods, and talked to the people who put it in there. He also featured blogger nz sugar free who went sugar free when his wife was diagnosed as being pre diabetic. Both husband and wife lost loads of weight and the wife is no longer in any danger of becoming diabetic.

Nigel even went sugar free himself for the show. He thought he had a healthy diet (low fat milk, muesli and fruit for breakfast) and exercises regularly, but his bloodwork told a very different story. After two months of being sugar free (and removing other refined carbohydrates) his bloodwork was well within the normal range and he’d lost some weight.

One of the most disturbing parts of the programme was Nigel talking with dental surgeons who regularly perform teeth extractions on toddlers whose teeth have rotted due to excess sugar consumption. They even showed some extractions. It was horrendous. Two and three year olds needing multiple teeth extracted because their parents thought it was ‘okay to put coke in their bottle’. The dentists said these surgeries (which cost megabucks) are on the increase.

Toddlers needing teeth extractions is not okay.

Having spoken with friends, I know that most people who watched the show were horrified at how much sugar was contained in their food (Marmite and some canned tuna, for instance). I hope this dialogue gets some traction as I believe we need to angry at the food industry for what it’s doing to us. At what it’s doing to our kids. As Nigel points out in the show, the World Health Organisation recommends that children consume no more than 4 teaspoons of sugar a day. Most NZ children would probably surpass that by breakfast time, given the sugar-laden cereals that are peddled at children.

The show has prompted me to get tough with my toddler to protect her pearly whites (we’ve been a bit complacent in the wake of Cyclone Baby). In my next post I’ll tell you what that looks like in practice and pass on my tips for sugar-free toddlerness.

As Eloise is sort of walking (she still demands you hold her hand a lot) I reckon she may now be officially classed as a toddler. Since turning 1, the past few months have seen an explosion of development, particularly with her language skills. She’s a very early talker (so was her Dad) to the point where I can have conversations with her, where she will give me a one or two word reply, or nodding/shaking of her head. Her comprehension scares me, even when I think she’s not listening – trust me, those little ears are listening and they definitely get the gist of whatever is being talked about.

Since hitting 15 months the dreaded food pickiness has started to appear. Up until now Eloise was a good eater. She didn’t eat much, but like most babies she would take pretty much whatever was on offer. But now she has matured, thank you very much Mummy, she definitely lets us know what she wants to eat. It’s often not what is in front of her. In fact, I suspect if she could prepare her own meals, she would live on peas and yoghurt. Possibly even mixed up together.

I try not to make a big deal about her refusal of food, nor do I run about making something else she prefers instead. That way lies madness. Eloise still eats a reasonable variety of foods – particularly fruit and vegetables. She’s also in the 91st percentile for weight (also for height, we hope we are raising a future basketballer) so she’s definitely not starving herself! With sugary foods D and I have adopted an ‘okay in moderation approach’. I simply just don’t fancy being one of those Mums who comes along to every party with a baggie of food for her kids, as they aren’t allowed to eat the party food. Eloise doesn’t get sweet stuff very often, but she isn’t on the party circuit…yet. That bridge will be crossed soon enough I suspect.

Like all kids, Eloise prefers sweet things. Fortunately most of her playgroups are pretty good about encouraging healthy snacking, so her morning teas tend to involve crackers and fruit, and maybe a wafer biscuit (cookie for my American readers) on the old occasion. Water is given instead of juice. It’s really great to not have to worry about this as we go to playgroups 3 or 4 times a week. The PARENTS on the hand are always offered chocolate biscuits. I can only recall once being offered anything savoury for morning tea at a playgroup, so I dodge chocolate biscuits, muffins and cake on an almost daily basis. I get weird looks if I nick a piece of fruit that has been left untouched by the kids.

Eloise is all kinds of crazy about banana (‘Na-Na!’) and these pikelets go down a treat with her. (Pikelets are also known as drop scones, by the way.) This is not an earth shattering recipe, but these pikelets are easy and quick to make, and most kids gobble them up pretty quick – especially if smeared with butter.

Sift flour, baking powder and salt into a bowl. In another bowl beat egg and banana until well mixed. Add this, along with the milk to the sifted ingredients. Mix until just combined (they can go rubbery if you overmix). Drop a tablespoon full of mixture onto a hot, non-stick pan. Turn pikelet over when bubbles start to burst on the top surface. Cook the second side until golden.

Eloise enjoying her pikelet

This post also appears on my new blog ‘Tots in Tawhero’ at http://totsintawhero.wordpress.com

Eloise had a Plunket appointment in the afternoon, so there wasn’t much point in her going to her carer for the afternoon. It was the first afternoon I’ve had in ages where looking after her didn’t feel like a massive struggle. Often my pregnancy fatigue has me clock-watching when I have Eloise to myself of an afternoon; I’m usually willing time to go faster so that D can help me once he’s finished work. Not that Eloise is a tough kid – in fact she’s a generally a very placid and happy little girl. But the fatigue often means I am too tired to go for walks, go to the playground or to go visiting, so those afternoons when she’s not in care can draaaaaag. And it can make for one bored toddler (although I am fortunate that she is obsessed with books and is happy to be read to for quite a while)!

It felt wonderful to care for my child all day by myself without wilting like a lettuce leaf. I’d almost forgotten what it felt like.

I am now officially into the third trimester, so it does feel like there is light at the end of the tunnel. Despite resembling a beached narwhal (minus the adorable pointy tusk), when I am not fatigued I have generally fared much better this pregnancy than my last one. Hardly any nausea, heartburn, *ahem* constipation etc.

I’m also at a point where I feel ready to give Trim Healthy Mama eating a go. THM is an insanely popular book in Christian circles and seems to be a successful way of eating for many, many people. In a nutshell, THM is a carb-controlled eating plan that emphasises ditching sugar and most carbs, and embracing healthy fats and whole foods (as such, it is not a huge change to how we eat anyway). If you want to make the most of the recipes in the tome-like book, it does require some expensive and hard-to-find-in-New-Zealand ingredients – but the ‘plan’ can be followed without it.

I don’t want to go into the THM way of eating as the authors do such a great job of explaining how tweaking what you eat in combination can make a difference to whether you burn fat or store it. And it would make this post extremely long! Let me just say that THM makes good sense to me and does not involve complicated food restrictions or calorie-counting. THM not a ‘diet’ – because it would be all kinds of crazy to go on a diet while pregnant(!). Again, there is no calorie counting in THM. I can eat as much as I like, and there is lots of great advice in the book and on Facebook for those of us who are pregnant or nursing as our nutritional requirements are different.

I’ve made several aborted attempts to start THM over the past few months, but have been thwarted by pregnancy food aversions (I couldn’t face eating eggs, for example) which seem to have finally gone away. I’ve been a Facebook THM member for several months now, and hardly a day goes by without someone posting their weight loss or improved health success story. Many members have posted about how GOOD and how ENERGETIC they feel on the THM way of eating, and that’s why I have been desperate to give it a go.

Humble apologies for my lack of posts on here of late. I simply haven’t had the energy to devote to this blog because…

I am pregnant again.

Surprise Mum! It’s me!

We found out just before we caught rotavirus/moved house and town/had a gazillion house guests over December and January. We were um, quite surprised but delighted, to discover our baby no. 2 is on its way.

A few days after we moved – I was 6 weeks pregnant – D, Eloise and I were out furniture shopping when I suddenly began feeling really tired. And I mean SUDDENLY. One second I was okay, the next I felt like if I didn’t have a nap that very second there was a good chance I would collapse at the store. The shop sold beds, so it may not have been a total disaster… I thought I’d experienced fatigue before, but this was something much, much worse than I’ve ever had.

zzzzzzzzzzzzz

I’ve had these bouts of fatigue ever since. Over December I pretty much had them every day. I’d get to about 1 or 2pm and need to nap. Sometimes all afternoon. Normally I never take naps as they affect my ability to get to sleep later at night. Even a 20 minute nap can mean I’m counting sheep for an hour or two. But with this fatigue – a 4 hour afternoon nap? No problem. I’ll still sleep like a log later on at night. Fortunately I now get these bouts of fatigue maybe a few times a week so at least there has been some improvement.

Fatigue in early pregnancy is very common, and usually goes away by the second trimester (returning in triumphant glory near the end of the third). Unfortunately mine doesn’t want to go away, despite the fact I am 18 weeks pregnant. Some lucky women have it for the entire pregnancy. I never got fatigue with Eloise, but you know what folks? It’s true what they say: every pregnancy is different. Damn.

The most annoying thing is there’s nothing you can do about it. My GP and midwife (they are both awesome, I’m very blessed) shake their heads and say ‘all you can do is listen to your body and rest’. Yeah. That’s sooooo easy when you have a one year old to look after!

Sorry to sound like such a whinge. In many ways this pregnancy is waaaay easier than my first. I’ve had very little nausea and my going-off-any-food-that-isn’t-processed-or-totally-bland phase didn’t last too long, much to D’s relief. When I’m not feeling like I’ve been hit by the big mack truck o’ fatigue, I feel great. I almost forget I’m pregnant.

But…

…the fatigue has been really debilitating. I had to give up my sweet, sweet part-time job. I normally worked while Eloise napped, but I had to take naps myself. The job was also quite a cerebral one, requiring a lot of attention to detail, checking facts and legislation, that sort of thing. I just didn’t have the mental capacity to do the work while I was so tired. My employers were fabulous and were happy for me to not work for a few weeks to see if the fatigue went away. However, when I got to 13, 14, 15 weeks and there was no sign of it easing up I felt the fairest thing to do was resign. Given that I’m still needing these naps, it was the right decision.

The cr@ppiest bit is I’ve had to put Eloise into care during the afternoons. When I’m tired I simply cannot give her the attention she deserves. It sucks so much. Because the fatigue is so erratic D and I made the decision to put her in afternoon care every day. My mum and D’s mum would happily take her, but because I can’t say “I’m going to need long naps on Wednesday and Thursday this week at precisely 2:13pm”, I didn’t want them to feel like they had to be on standby every day ‘just in case’. They have their own lives to live after all.

Eloise has a great carer who was prepared to take her on for a couple of months as I am still hoping the fatigue will go away, and who is also prepared to keep looking after her for the entire pregnancy if it doesn’t.

When my fatigue was at its worst I really craved sugar and I’m sorry to say, I gave in to those cravings. I wanted things like Moro bars – which I never liked very much, even in my sugary past. I guess it was just my body’s way of crying out for some energy. Fortunately I am at a point in my pregnancy where the thought of food doesn’t repulse me, so I have placed myself firmly back on the sugar-free wagon.

Baby no. 2 will thank me for it. Maybe. Like when they hit their health-conscious thirties.

How have you been doing? I’d love to hear from my fellow sugar-free folks.

Like this:

Last week was very ‘ugh’ at our house. Eloise got sick first (and recovered quickly, thank goodness), then D and then me. D and I were so sick we weren’t able to care for Eloise, so she was cared for by a friend from Church until my mother-in-law was able to get her. We are incredibly blessed to have people we can call on at times like these!

Needless to say the 12WBT went out of the window for most of the week, and I’m only at the point now of having enough energy to exercise. I did however lose 3 kilos over 24 hours, but I’d rather not have had the rotavirus to do it 🙂

Today I will start with some gentle exercise and then get back into the programme tomorrow. I can’t wait for this week to be over and done with. Eloise and I are moving to our new town on Wednesday as the movers turn up to pack our stuff, D follows on Friday, and our stuff gets delivered on Saturday. I just want to be unpacked and so we can get on with life!

Now gentle reader, I must confess to eating some sugar yesterday…okay, lots of sugar.

D and I put on morning tea for our church yesterday and I easily resisted the sugary treats on offer there. My sugar resistance mojo was strong, as usual. But last night D and I were sitting watching a movie (totally recommend Now You See Me – best movie I’ve seen in ages) when we suddenly heard the jingle of a Mr Whippy ice cream van. I haven’t had a Mr Whippy ice cream in years. I can only describe that music as being akin to the Pied Piper of Hamelin. It was like D and I were transported back to being six years old. We looked at each other. There was no need for words. I swear D literally flew out the door and came back bearing two ice creams. With ‘Flakes’. Dipped in chocolate. I grabbed mine with the same sort of childish glee I’d reserved for my collection of My Little Ponies and Strawberry Shortcake dolls.

I seriously cannot believe we did that! I don’t even like ice cream that much! That was a trigger I never anticipated.

Neither of us were able to eat our entire cones as they were sickly, and I KNOW we will pay for it today with tiredness and generally feeling rubbish! Anyway, I’m quite confident that there will be no more Mr Whippy cones in my future, no matter how much that tinny version of ‘Greensleeves’ tugs at my childhood heartstrings.

Like this:

It’s been a good three days and I am already down 600g. But then, that’s probably because I’ve been really hungry!

Aside from Monday’s icky bruschetta, the food on the 12WBT has been nice and of course, sugar-free. Monday night’s dinner was really lovely – a lamb salad with mint/yoghurt dressing. It’s definitely a recipe I’d use again.

Yummo!

On the programme you have to weigh all your food which is a total pain, but it’s helped me to realise that my portion sizes have been too big. I simply eat too much. I expect that this is a legacy of years of overeating, even though I am now sugar-free (although I certainly eat less than I did in my sugary days thanks to being sugar-free). I’m going to have to train my body to get used to a bit less food. I’m even on the look out for vintage dinner plates! Did you know the average dinner plate has grown 25% larger since the 1990’s? Here’s a link to an article about how even the colour of your plates and tablecloth can cause you to overeat.

I’ve really missed my protein and needed to eat snacks as a result, so I swapped out the carby/fructosey breakfasts for my usual bacon & egg this morning (yes, that’s allowed on the food plan) and voila! No morning tea required.

My one criticism of the food is that many of the lunches are time-consuming, but I guess as least they can be swapped out for quick sandwiches like this one…

Roast capsicum and olive tapenade sarnie

I have absolutely no complaints about my fitness programme however. Last week I did a baseline fitness test which includes the distance you can run in 12 minutes. I did the 12 minute test again today (every Wednesday is a ‘check-in’ day) and I’ve already increased my distance. The programme has 3 days of running – which includes sprints, and 3 days of core strengthening and toning. I’m doing the intermediate programme and I’ve been delighted to find it challenging but not daunting so far.

I’ve started to run around the Basin Reserve (our local cricket ground) which has turned out to be the perfect place for me to run, after struggling to find somewhere nearby that doesn’t have ginormous hills. It also means I get to end my workouts by going up these steps:

There are 108 steps. Yep, I counted.

You can’t really tell how steep they are in the photo, but nothing gets my heart rate up faster than these babies!

I must admit that I’m not actually a fan of ‘quick’ transformation diets and programmes. Most of them are completely unsustainable, so please don’t think I have any illusions about this one. I’ve never even seen Michelle Bridges in action. You can read about my reasons for signing up to it here. But I must say…I like 12WBT.

I was impressed with the ‘pre-season’ tasks you had to do before the round kicked off this Monday. The goal-setting task made me dig quite deep, and those goals will be revisited every four weeks on the programme. There are a series of mini-milestones you can set yourself too (one of mine is to buy a new dress…sorry D).

One of the tasks was to tell people you are doing the programme, to put it out there, to make yourself accountable. Of all the tasks, this one was the hardest for me – even more so than taking a ‘before’ picture of myself. I felt embarrassed. But I did it, and was immediately inundated with likes and lovely messages of support.

I also like that every few days there is something 12WBT-related going on to keep you in the game. On Sunday night there’s a video message to get your head set for the week, weekly challenges on Mondays, a stats day on Wednesdays, meal and fitness plans for the following week on Thursdays, plus a few other things as well. If you choose to engage with it, there’s probably enough in the programme to keep you on track. I feel it’s doable, but then it’s not a huge lifestyle change for me, given that D and I try to eat healthily and I was exercising regularly anyway. But I reckon even die-hard couch potatoes could do the programme and see results. Whether you can keep it up in ‘real life’ is another story.

I reckon if I can take a good exercise programme and the portion control message out of it, that’s good enough for me.

Like this:

Every ‘sugar-freer’ needs to have some kind of slice in their arsenal for those times when you need to take morning tea to work…or like us, for those times when you have the Mormons showing up for a chat at 3pm.

Quick and easy slice

The recipe for this quick and easy chocolate slice is on the Sweet Poison forum website, so I’m not giving away any trade secrets. The slice is made using dextrose as a replacement for sugar, so it’s fructose free.

4. Remove from oven, mix ‘icing’ with 1 cup dextrose, 2 T cocoa powder and enough water to make a runny paste. Cover slice with icing while still warm.

Making the ‘icing’

5. Sprinkle with coconut and cool in fridge to set. Enjoy!

Just a quick note on dextrose. It is a much better alternative than sugar but is still high in calories, so I advise eating dextrose treats in moderation if you are watching your weight. If you live in Australia you can get some dextrose specially made for cooking and baking from the Sugar Breakup. That’s right. They’ve got you covered. (Ship to NZ you guys?)

I wondered if I had inadvertently eaten sugar as I was tired, irritable, hungry and completely lacking in motivation. But I can’t think what it could have been hiding in. All I know is I ate too many carbs, and we had takeaways twice. Just not a great week foodwise, despite it being sugar-free.

I was too tired to run and hit snooze a couple of mornings in a row, and was also thwarted in my running plans by the weather (and my word we are being hit by a heck of a storm right now too). By the time the weekend arrived I had run a grand total of 0 times. I felt pretty darn disappointed in myself.

I was in the blahs.

I chastised myself for being lazy, for not looking after myself properly. Which quickly spiralled into angry thoughts about why I was not losing weight like a bandit eating and exercising the way I’ve been. I had visions of myself coming last in next month’s charity run.

A bright point was R visiting for a while on her way back from Australia. My daughter just loves her and it’s always fun to see them having a ‘chat’. And then the sunshine returned (briefly) for the weekend, and after a picnic and stroll with D and Eloise I felt more like myself. On Saturday night I psyched myself up to go running. I thought about all the reasons I should go for a run. I laid my clothes out at the ready. When my alarm went off I got my butt out of bed and went for that run.

Initially I was like ‘Oh, this is gonna be hard’. After a few minutes I thought ‘Yep. Suspicions confirmed. This is hard’. My legs were saying ‘Ummm, hello? You want us to cooperate after a week of not stretching us? We have news for you, Angela’. But I kept this face in the forefront of my thoughts:

My motivation

Yes, I am the one doing the hard yards, pounding the pavement and leaping over sugary cakes with a single bound in my quest to live healthily. But my daughter is the reason I’m here talking to you right now. That chubby-cheeked smiling girl is all the motivation I need. I want to pass on good eating habits to her, so I eat sugar-free. I don’t want her to have weight problems like I have, so I’m raising her sugar-free (ask me how that’s working when she’s on the birthday party circuit). I run so I will be fit enough to keep up with her when she’s a toddler. I run because I enjoy it and I want Eloise to see that exercise is part of life.

So as I was running and thinking ‘Eloise, this is for you, my sweet little monkey’, the run became easy and I settled into a good pace. I should be going out there tomorrow but this awful weather is set to continue so I’ll have to work out to a video or something. My point is, I’m back in the running game.

I was reflecting with D how my attitude to running is becoming aligned with how I think about living without sugar. The old Angela would probably have used not running for a week as an excuse to quit altogether. On the rare occasions I’ve eaten some sugar, I no longer throw in the towel. I get back on track at the next meal. So a week of not running – while discouraging and full of negative thoughts – truly did not feel like the end of the world to me.

Ladies and gentlemen, sometimes we just have a case of the blahs. Our motivation seems to have packed its bags.

And that’s okay.

Life is like that. Sometimes we are all fired up and feel like everything is rosy. We’re on top of this healthy living thing! Pass me my kale & quinoa smoothie.

Other times it feels like an effort, and you wonder what the point of it all is. Everyone else is eating their muffins and quaffing their milkshakes. Waaah!

Push through the blahs. The blahs are like that bully who made your life miserable back in school. Full of s**t, and eager to take you down a peg or two, you uppity, healthy livin’ freak. Well, you made it out of high school. And you’ll make it through a few days or weeks of living in blahland. It’s all going to be okay, just don’t quit.

Stand up to those blahs. Like any bully they will cave at the first sign of resistance. Arm yourself with ninja skills to strike back. Ask yourself:

Why am I doing this?

What benefits do I hope to see? Get your vision quest on.

What goals am I working towards?

What benefits have I already seen?

Who’s with me in this? Form a posse of like-minded people, even if they’re just online friends.