No religion would be complete without at least one schism, although I'll admit that a complete lack of dogma makes a schism problematic. I have two issues with two Pastafarian beliefs, and seek clarification. Being an open-minded religion, I hope room can be made to incorporate my observations within the orthodox (belief of those with the biggest mouth or the biggest stick) FSM belief system. Otherwise, something even more pointless may be necessary (don't worry, I'm not denying the holocaust here, and believe in the doctrine of "no procreation without copulation").

First, and of less importance, I wish clarification on the subject of "grog" as it relates to "beer". According to Patrick O'Brian, "grog" could consist of rum and lime juice. I don't challenge the noodly goodness of carbohydrate based beer, but is there no room in Pastafarian heaven for other fruits of the grain? Surely one may find a river of scotch, or a pool of rum. Would you condemn Captain Jack Sparrow to an eternity without rum?

Second, I must argue that as revealed to me some, and perhaps more charismatic, pirates say "AArrrrrrh". Or, perhaps, the written gospel, which I read in English, either mistranslated as "Arrrgh!" or actually intends the "g" to be silent. (See Treasure Island, "aaarrr my-tea"). As additional proof, consider the happy state of the Pirate, sailing and plundering accompanied by grog and wench. What ingrate would say "Arrg" which would indicate dissatisfaction. Except perhaps upon an early, post excess, awakening. "Aarrrr" is an affirmative, acknowledging the wonders of existence. I am willing to concede that given an infinite number of pirates, both pronunciations were, and are, used. Will you meet me half way, or must there be a flogging (preferably with a wet noodle). Concede, or my attitude must be "fire as yer guns bearrr, take no prisoners, and 'em 'at dries 'el be the lucky ones, aaarrrr".

Thank you for your consideration.

Your Brother in Grist

Arrup (pronounced as if uttered after chugging a beer)

High IQ (self-tested)

Many Academic Degrees: AB (from the greek for At Bat-or batty), JD (Just Dumb), MBA (Must Be an Ass - awarded by a well known Eastern Business School), and Psy. Op. (Psychic Operator - really)

Have three parrots, and constantly see ships worth stealing. Aarrr (no "g").

Well, first, my understanding is that the Beer Volcano actually dispenses the beverage of your choice (or at least beer that tastes like whatever beverage you prefer.)

And second, since we have flimsy moral standards around here, speak pirate in whatever way you prefer, and no worries about schisms. As long as everyone's intentions be Piratey, who cares how they spell it?

Wow, in the obviously fictitious story, Billy said the magic word "Shazam" and became Captain Marvel, the world's mightiest mortal. In the story, Captain Marvel had the wisdom of Solomon; the strength of Hercules; the stamina of Atlas; the power of Zeus; the courage of Achilles; and the speed of Mercury. An interesting story. More interesting, the Captain's enemies called him "The Big Red Cheese".

So, a godlike being with great powers who looks red and cheesy. Obviously this must be a reference to the sauce of the Spaghediety. Either an intentional distortion of the truth by the FSM for his own purposes, or perhaps his creation, a Super Pirate with enough stamina for the wenches.

High IQ (self-tested)

Many Academic Degrees: AB (from the greek for At Bat-or batty), JD (Just Dumb), MBA (Must Be an Ass - awarded by a well known Eastern Business School), and Psy. Op. (Psychic Operator - really)

Have three parrots, and constantly see ships worth stealing. Aarrr (no "g").