Saturday, June 2, 2007

Jenny and the Magical Cavalier. P.S. I'm getting Married.Moreso in Florida than in any other state that I have lived in, apartment complexes have discovered ways to jack up the cost of rent yet a little more with their "security features." Every place I have lived here, except one, has had some sort of "gate" access and the Arbors is no exception. To get into my apartment complex, you either have to have a gate card or know the "pizza code" which is a whole other story.I HATE opening the gate. I don't know why exactly, but it COULD have something to do with the fact that if the gate is closed, it means I have to dig through my mound of vehicular trash like a seven year old in a pile of green nose "boogers" on double dare. Then when I find it, I have to press it to this metal plate and its sticky so touching it isn't one of my favorite things either. I always hope to come in behind someone or go in the out way as another car passes, but lately, a miracle has happened.I was coming home from work and as I pulled up to the gate, it just opened! I figured it was just some sort of freak occurance. But I asked Mike if the gate had automatically opened for him and he said: "Uh... no..." so the next time I was coming home and he was in the car with me when it opened on its own we were both surprised! Not only was it a miracle, but I have a witness damn it!Logical, as he is, Mike decided that I must have had my radio station set on some wacky frequency or something but I think it was angels.Speaking of divine influence (yeah, you'll have to squint to make the connection here) I am feeling rather nostalgic and fiery right now so I think I'm going to make a little blog speech, here. As many of you know, (well, probably all of you because I don't think too many people read this crap!) I am getting married in 11 days on the 30th. I've gotten a lot of talk about this big life change and am I excited.... Well, the thing is... its not really a life change. Mike and I have been practically married since sophmore year of college. We've been through just about every hardship and joy together and always manage to come out on top. If things get really bad, we just buy another pug. So I feel bad that I can't say how excited I am about this big life change... or worse, people actually make me feel like I'm really weird for not being all strung out about it.I guess what I'm thinking here, is that as a "nod" to where I have been in leiu of where I am going in life, I would like to reflect a little. Showing off the "good person" in me, I am going to give some love and gratitude to the top ten people that have influenced my life and made me who I am today. Because how could I be here without you? For the evil person in me, I am also going to present a list of the top ten people who influenced my life in the worst possible way. I will name names. I don't care. I'm speaking my mind. Live with it.Jenny's Top Ten List O' Wonderful People in my Life*Bonus 11. Jessica Bury- My first real friend. I was neighbors with a girl named Theresa and we hung out all the time, but she was a backstabber and a little bit mean. She threw a rock at my head. Jessica was my first "real" friend. We did everything together for all of first grade including ballet and oh, the costumes we had.10. Mrs. Bunka- My high school Journalism teacher. I'm a nerd through and through and I lived for the Newspaper staff. I knew what I wanted to do for a career because of her.9. Mrs. Shepard- my second grade teacher. She always told me and my parents how talented I was for a 7 year old. She encouraged my writing and my drawing and I couldn't get enough of it... even when Mrs. Grant tried to beat it out of me. When I sliced my finger open making applesauce, she walked me home.8. My grandma. You know, this woman was not a good influence on me. She was however, the most giving person I know. She loved the hell out of us and we always had a great time when we were kids. She let us eat too much junk food, talked way too much shit about my grandfather and "Ruby" and spoiled us rotten, but I love her for that anyway!7. My grandpa. He was always so ridiculously proud of whatever I did. He made me feel like I was the greatest person in the world because I got good grades, could play the piano, or wrote for the school newspaper. He too got me where I am today through sheer generosity.6. Michelle Winther- We were the best friends ever back in grade school. I don't think we were average kids by any stretch of the word. We were a little smarter, a little weirder... Most importantly, now that I am 26 and good friends are much harder to come by-- friends who genuinely get you, she is still there and we are still so similar. If I die, I am leaving Mike to her in my will. What? I don't care if she has a boyfriend. 5. Ryan Payne- The only friend I have had for my whole life pretty much. We met at age 7, but Ryan stayed in touch with me through every move. He was there when I graduated high school, when I had my first show in college, and when I needed help carrying pumpkins up to the fourth floor at my first "real" job. I hate that I missed out on a lifetime of close friendship with him and Michelle because of moving.4. My sister- We went through a lot together and there were many times when we only had each other. Now that we are older, my desperation for her to succeed is surpassed only by my fear that she will give up and crumble under the weight of the "real" world that hurts her too much. I have spent many years afraid that we would lose each other because we live in different places and we are very different personalities. I don't want what happened to my mom and her family to happen with my sister and I and she has taught me a lot about looking through other peoples eyes and having patience. I'm not there yet, but I'm learning.3. Mike- I don't believe in soul mates... but he is mine. Figure that out. We are a perfect match and there will never be anyone else for me who is better. I could go on and on. We've gone through more hardships together than anyone else I know in a five year span and not only survived it, but have come out on top. Its been awesome. If it wasn't for him, I would still think pugs are gremlins.2. My mom- I had the best mom ever. She went to all my softball games even though I never once hit the damn ball. She was the "room mother" every year in elementary school. The one who chaperoned field trips, baked cupcakes at holidays, and drove all the kids to get ice cream in the summer. I love my mom more than anyone in the world. She is only number two on my list because I did not inherit much of my personality from her. For that we had harder times when I got older.1. My dad- I am more like my dad. Because of my dad I appreciate "nerdy" things like history, art, nature, and the "why" of things. My dad helped me to be a good writer by pounding proper grammar into my head. I have his dry and sarcastic sense of humor, his love of ice cream, and his high blood pressure. It would really suck if I got his hemroids. Like my dad, I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders and am personally hurt by people's lack of manners and lack of caring for the world around them. I can't comprehend the self-centeredness... Finally, because of my dad I am an intelligent person who can stand on my own and kick anyone's ass at Mario.Top Ten List O' BAD Influences in La Vida De Jenn10. My cousin, Keith- Aside from photos in the family albumn where he is "hugging" (AKA CHOKING) me, Keith and I were very different and he always made me a little nervous. I can still remember him pulling off all the hair on a caterpillar. That's creepy stuff, man.9. Mrs. Vredenburg- BITCH. Okay, psycho teacher of the first grade, I think that its not in your job description to make a six year old cry. I drew my mom a picture of her favorite flower, a marigold. I couldn't WAIT to give it to her. But when I turned it in for a grade, I forgot to put my name on it. She made an example of it in front of the whole class by tearing it up. I'll never forget that. I also used to cry if she put sad faces on my homework. That's a big deal at age 6.8. Mrs. Grant- She constantly was calling my parents for something. I was in third grade for God's sake. She thought I was semi-retarded because I always wrote on the wrong side of the page. When she read out loud to the class, I would write stories (because she was boring, people!) and that used to piss her off. At least I didn't eat paste. 7. Aaron Seneck- He was a mentally retarded boy integrated into our classroom. He kicked me. That doesn't do much for instilling acceptance into a young persons mind.6. Vanessa Jaroniewski- Holy crap, what a whore. When I first moved back to Michigan, she was the ONLY person who would be nice to me. We used to go hang out at the movies and she spent the whole time making out with random strangers. Then she finally hoooked me up with this guy and told him that I would sleep with him (I was 14 people.) Then when I wouldn't, she did. Of course, she was 16 and we were in the same grade... as an added bonus, four years later when I was away at MSU, this guy used to call my house daily-- FROM PRISON.5. Tiffany Murtha- I hope that she is in prison somewhere suffering from the clap. She tormented me relentlessly when I moved back to Michigan because I was "super smart" and put into the advanced science level. Little did she know, the ONLY reason they put me in that class is because it was the at level class in Sycamore. So not only was I an average moron, but I had some horrible witch and her best friend pinning dead worms that were supposed to be for disecting onto my backpack. FUN TIMES. Oddly enough, I really didn't care. I was far too occupied with my plan to move back to Illinois.4. The 96 pound racoon that eats my trash and won't let me go up the stairs to my apartment. You know, it hasn't been a great relationship, he needs to go.3. Megan Hochstetler- I can clearly remember sitting across from her and Ryan Meis the first day of sophmore year in college. They were Mike's friends and they didn't know me, but I knew them. I was so nervous about making a good impression on them when we did meet, but that never happened. Megan never wanted anything to do with me, but she DID like to call Mike and say that she was drunk and needed him to come find her. She spent most of sophmore and junior year making little comments and telling him how I was bitchy and jealous. Well, YEAH! Hey ladies, how many of you out there like other girls sending half naked pictures of themselves to your boyfriend? Anyone? Really? I also told him to invite her along to a private showing I had at my theater to which she never even said thank you. Why? Partly because I'm stupid, and partly because I wanted to be the bigger person. Life lesson: girls are catty bitches. 99% of them. Its true.2. Amanda Barnes- I love the girl, but she has to go on this list. We were really good friends. When she went away to camp or college, I always sent her letters and goody boxes, etc. We hadn't talked in a few years, but I would always ask her boyfriend to tell her I said hi when I spoke to him (I didn't have her email anymore) and he never offered it, which was my first clue that something was up. Basically she told me our time had passed and she didn't think it was worth either of our time trying to keep a friendship alive that wasn't anymore. She made me feel like I was some kind of weirdo for even trying to talk to her but I think I had always been a good friend to her. Ouch.1. Matt Welsh- Um hands down, winner. Matt Welsh, wherever you are, whatever you're not doing, I hate you. I hate myself for letting you walk all over me. The only thing good to come out of knowing you was the fact that I was stupid enough to go with you to Florida. I will die happy knowing that I left you in a sobbing crying mess on the floor and moved on with my life. Have fun cleaning pools.

In all fairness both of these lists are so incomplete. I have so many Illinois friends that I would have put on the good list. And Emeral Reel my ex best friend who slept with Matt? You go on the bad list along with Chuck Volosin, my balding midget porn watching ex boss who used to treat me like I was dirt under his feet. I think life has done well for all of them, though. Those Illinois friends, I am still in touch with most of them. Emerald? Well, she smokes pot with her dad most nights that she's not working at a shit job going nowhere and last I saw ol' Chucky boy he was getting yelled at behind the counter at a McDonald's. Ha, YES. I WILL TAKE FRIES WITH THAT. Anyway. I'm going to take my magic car and go home now.

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About Me

-I am, at once, highly ambitious and extremely lazy.
-I like to pick fights with people on Apartmentratings.com.
-I believe in survival of the fittest and eat or be eaten. I think children should be raised to claw their way to the top and know the difference between right and wrong. In that respect, I believe Liberal America is destroying what is great about freedom and about living in general.
-I have never been able to wear high heels for more than five minutes.
-Processed lunch meat makes me think of people who may be missing limbs. This fact disturbs me as much as it just disturbed you.
-The theme song to Unsolved Mysteries has been known to make me cry.
-I once ate a boullion cube.