February 8, 2013

I am a sexually active female, but I can't reach orgasm when having sex with my boyfriend. Can you help me out? Thanks.

(2)

Anonymous,

I am 28 years old. I've had a problem for years now; well, I had this problem all my life and I was too ashamed to seek help. Here it goes: during sexual intercourse, I never feel any sensation or tingling feelings, I feel nothing. I can feel the penis, but that is all. This has been with every guy I've been with and I've been with about 15 guys. I'm currently dating this guy for five years. I love him, but during sex, I feel nothing. He turns me on, and I get aroused, but when it comes to actually having sex, I feel NOTHING. It's like I have a disjunction in my vagina. Does it have something to do with my clitoris? What is wrong with me? Please, can you tell me? I will eventually see a doctor, but I just want to know, what is the problem with me? Please, I would really appreciate it, I've kinda learned to live with it. Sad, right? :)

(3)

Anonymous,

Yet again, another question about intercourse and (female) orgasms. I am 25 and have been having intercourse for about 1 1/2 years and have never experienced even the remotest possibility of climaxing from intercourse. Intercourse does NOTHING for me. I've read the Hite Report, I know it claims that only 30% of women orgasm from intercourse alone; however, most women who say they don't orgasm from intercourse say that they at least receive some arousal or stimulation or pleasure from the sensation--it just doesn't lead them to orgasm. However, I have never received the SLIGHTEST sexual pleasure from intercourse--and it's making me so unhappy and desperate that I feel I'm going insane.

(4)

Anonymous,

What is the best way for a woman with an inaccessible clitoris to reach orgasm during intercourse, without artificial stimulation?

Solutions

Many women experience frustration from their inability to feel sensation or sexual pleasure from vaginal-penile intercourse. It is common for women to feel closeness, and fullness, but not the intensity they believe that they "should" be feeling. With a little bit of learning and exploration, you can find ways to enjoy various types of pleasure, intimacy, and even ecstasy.

Before we get hot and heavy, remember — a little lesson in anatomy can lead to huge results. A woman's sexual pleasure, and ultimately orgasm, is much more likely to occur from stimulation to theclitoris. The clitoris is highly sensitive and full of nerve endings. In fact, there are as many nerve endings in the tip of the clitoris as there are in a man's penis! Many of the clitoral nerve endings are subterranean, or below the surface; the visible part of the clitoris is just the tip of the iceberg. However, even “in hiding,” those 6,000 to 8,000 sensory nerve endings can be a mega source of incredible pleasure for many women.

In contrast, the vaginal walls contain relatively few nerve endings. Only the lower third of the vagina has enough nerve endings to feel stimulation from a penis, finger, sex toy, or other penetrative object. This can make intense sexual stimulation, pleasure, and orgasm from vaginal-only penetration unlikely. In reality, the clitoris is perfectly placed. You might consider the clitoris to be "inaccessible" because in-and-out intercourse does not touch your button of joy. The challenge is for you and your partner to find and cultivate its potential.

Generally speaking, touching or pressing the clitoris, directly or indirectly, during intercourse will increase a woman's potential to orgasm. Otherwise, it's like trying to get somewhere in an elevator without pressing the button. Here are a few tips to help you and your partner have a more pleasurable, intense sexual experience:

Ask your partner to touch, rub, caress, and/or press your clitoris with his fingers, whether before, during, or after sex. You can guide him by placing your fingers over his fingers or hand, and pressing the spots you like in the motion and frequency that makes you go wild. You can try using your own fingers during sex, too!

Explore with foreplay. Sometimes you may feel ready for intercourse immediately, while other times you may want your partner to first touch, rub, kiss, or lick your vulva and clitoris, using his hands, mouth, or penis. Oral sex can be highly pleasurable to many women because of its direct focus on the clitoris. Women describe intense orgasms through oral sex.

Add afew drops of lube to reduce friction and give a more sensual feel. Remember, it’s better when it’s wetter!

Try a variety of sex positionswhere your clitoris might be further stimulated. For example, the woman-on-top position has more potential for clitoral stimulation than the missionary position. On top, you can have more control over the amount of stimulation, rhythm, and pacing. You can move your hips to reach his pubic bone, or he can change the angle of his hips. He can also enter you from behind and reach around to caress your clitoris. If you like deep penetration and pressure on your cervix, then choose positions that make this more possible. Get creative! Certain sex positions may feel more exciting to you than others, and this may differ each time you have sex.

Incorporate sex toys into your sex play. Some women enjoy using a vibrator, either alone or with a partner, to stimulate their clitoris during sex.

Read up! Books such as She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman, by Ian Kerner, The Clitoral Truth: The Secret World at Your Fingertips, by Rebecca Chalker, andBecause it Feels Good: A Women’s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction by Debbie Herbenick can provide more information.

Remember, if you are generally satisfied with your sexual activity, there is no need to be dismayed by your lack of vaginal sensation or feel pressured to feel pleasure or orgasm during intercourse. Instead, if you wish, you can view and use sex play as an opportunity for you and your partner to experiment with and learn from your bodies. Either way, it is important to verbally let your partner know what turns you on the most. And remember, it may take time to learn exactly what that is.

The key is to have the confidence that your body is perfect, the courage to explore your individual responses on your own, the trust to share this information with a caring partner, and the humor to laugh as you learn together. You never know what the results could be!

What exactly do women want? I have asked myself this question numerous times and I have tried hard to figure it out. Truth be told, it might vary from woman to woman but really, we guys do not actually have a clue as to what women want. Even some of these women do not actually know what they want. Most women you meet tell you their ideal man should be tall,dark,handsome,rich and blah, blah,blah. At the end of the day they meet the man and at the end of the day something is still missing. They still have something to complain about.

A girl and a boy meet and like each other and naturally she expects the guy to make the first move. If he moves too fast, he is desperate, if he takes his time, he is slow and has bad timing. What do women want?

Let us assume he gets the timing right by a stroke of luck, if he compliments her (genuine or otherwise) he just wants to sleep with her. If he does not throw the compliment around, he is not romantic and he is not open. What do women want?

She goes on a date with him, if he tries to be nice and opens doors and holds the chair out for her during the date, he is trying to hard and it is not in our culture. If he does not open doors or hold out the chair for her, he is not a gentleman. What do women want?

After the date, they probably are close and the feelings are stronger, if he does not reply her chat on time, he is busy with someone else and does not have her time. If he replies her immediately he is jobless. What do women want?If he replies her with ‘K’ she is boring to him. If he types an epistle he talks too much. What do women want?

Finally they start dating, and things are all rosy. If he asks what her day is going to be like, he does not trust her and he is allover her. If he does not ask after her plans for the day, he does not care about her. What do women want?

If she gets into a fight with her best friend, and you decide to stay out of it, you are not supportive of her. If you decide to weigh in on it and say your mind, you are insensitive. What do women want?

If she asks you if she has added weight, and you say no, you are lying to her. If you say yes, she gets angry at you and starts feeling insecure and haunts you with what you said. She shows you girls who are skinny and asks that is what you want right? What do women want?

If you decide to hangout with your guys one weekend in the month instead of with her, she feels spited and says your friends are more important than she is. She makes you feel guilty, but when you want her to spend a weekend with you instead of with her friends, you are too possessive. What do women want?

If you decide to watch football instead of go shopping with her, football is your priority. She says things like how much are you going to get for watching it. If she decides to watch Kardashians and you say same, you are selfish. What do women want?

The list is endless. It takes a lot to actually understand women. A wise man once told me , if you want to be happy with your woman, just take her as she is. They are emotional and at times will do things that just makes you wonder if they are babies. Never try to change your woman.

Nothing last forever in this world, and sometimes as much as we would like to think that the one person we’re with is the soul-mate, final love and the person that completes your existence, sometimes (more times than not) it ends up not being the case. What sucks more than a once perfect relationship suddenly ending? If you didn’t do the breakup, or you were pretty much dumped. Break ups are easier to handle when you initiated the break up, or it was mutual – not sure if those really happen, but you get my point.

So you got dumped. Whether it was sudden or you saw it coming it’s still something that hit you hard, and if you’re a guy it definitely gives your ego a nice sucker punch. The world at that time might seem like it’s ending, but not to worry it’s definitely not. And before you know it, you’ll be completely over this person. So how we get over the ex? Well for starters here’s what you should definitely not do —>This.

So what should you do?

Deal with the pain and hate.

It’s very normal after every break up to have a huge amount of pain, and possibly hate towards the other person. Do you want to cry? By all means do so. Scream and shout? Do that too. You can write out your thoughts bashing the ex, and think all kinds of negative things towards him or her. Listen to sad love songs and cry. It’s all a phase. But the most important thing is not to let anyone see it. No bashing or pity Facebook statuses, no sub tweets, YouTube videos or blog posts. Do all your crying and hate behind closed doors. No one wants to see you look pathetic, and those that do just want to be entertained.

2. Keep your space

There’s nothing worse than hanging around your ex hoping that somehow feelings will come back or that one night of magic will rekindle everything. If you have mutual friends, try as much as possible to stay away from them especially if you’re bound to either talk about him/her, or even worse see him/her. Deleting folks off Facebook is kind of childish but you can certainly use that limited profile function and block the news feed. No texts, IMs, tweets, etc. Call it a detox if you will. Most importantly and this is where most of us fail… No sex with the ex!! None at all. Maybe I should’ve said that first, but oh well.

3. Talk to friends & hangout

Now when we say talk to friends, we don’t mean call every friend you know and start crying about your ex. It’s very pathetic looking to have to deal with someone whining on and on about their ex and why they left and blah blah blah BS. Save it for the shrink or for your journal. But besides that hanging out with friends is very healthy. Go out for a drink or two, BBQs, house gatherings, bars, brunch, park, etc. Anything your friends invite you to do, is game for you. Unless of course you’re bound to see the ex.

4. Write down your feelings and analyze.

Your best friend is your journal during a break up. If you think it, or want to say it out loud, then get a pen and write it down. A lot of times during a break up you want to say a lot of things to the ex, and explain some things, but believe me saying anything to an ex that dumped you in hopes of amending things is the wrong way to go. In addition, writing down stuff also gives you the opportunity to analyze the relationship and sometimes the light bulbs go off and you might realize that it was going south for a while before the break up happened. Besides it’s good documentation so you can see how silly you sounded years later.

5. Stay active.

They say one of the best diets is a break up. Partly because you never eat and you’re depressed or you ‘ginger’ yourself into getting involved in some activity. Running, basketball, football, cycling, volleyball etc. Always wanted to do some sort of outdoor activity? Well here’s your chance to do it and the best thing is that you get to preoccupy your mind with something other than the thought of your ex. Every moment you stay idle is time for you to dwell on the break up or even worse make a mistake and call/text the ex. Thou shall not do that. Plus in a scenario where you didn’t have much control (the break up) this provides something you can actually control and get some sense of power into your life.

6. Explore other options

Now I’m not saying go out there and stay desperately looking for a rebound or if you’re a guy, looking for the next piece of ass to boost your masculine ego. But if there are people that are interested in you or you are interested, it doesn’t hurt to hang out and explore those options. Now obviously you’d definitely want to take things slow, but the company will help a lot (as long as you don’t bring up the ex). A feeling that there are other fish in the sea will definitely help you get over the “my life is over” break up feeling. Plus you never know, your new friends and such might end being a whole lot better for you than you imagined. After all, they say the best way to get over an ex love is to find a new one. That’s probably about 40% true, but there’s some truth in it.

I’m pushing 30 very soon, and when I look at a cross section of my friends I find that I’m the only one who1. is either not married or 2. not really desperate to get married. In actuality I feel like I don’t want to get married. Not because I hate men or I’m a lesbian or anything like that, I just don’t see why. Now before anyone starts analyzing me, No my parents are not divorced, I’ve not been abused in a past relationship, and I’ve not been cheated on (that I know of anyways). Simply put, there’s nothing I hold against men. Thanks.

In 2013, there are a lot of alternatives to getting married for a woman. I don’t need a man for money, I have a pretty good job. I don’t need security, I have ADT for that, and if I need/want children there’s the sperm bank and/or a sperm donor somewhere probably ready to give me the goods, so why really should I want to get married? Why can I just have boyfriends and friends that I hang out with from time to time, and still keep my indivuality and most importantly, my space.

My space is probably one of the biggest factors why when I really sit down and think about it, I’m not sure I want to cook myself up with a man and be married for decades or until death. I’m barely pushing 30 and the thought of being with one person for the rest of my sixty-something years on earth is actually scary.

My Mom, Dad, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, and Friends have all called me all sorts of crazy, and ‘too independent’ but I really don’t give a sh*t really. I’m not going to be making someone else happy at my expense, and being all politically correct and acting like everything is golden.

From what I’ve noticed when it comes to marriage, 70% of men never want to get married and 70% of women can’t think of anything besides a wedding, so there’s already a big disconnect. I talked to my cousin just before she got married and not once did she mention how life was going to be after the wedding is done. Nothing about where to live, how the money will be made and bills paid, rules of the house, dealing with other famly members, future of the children etc. It was all this person is performing at the wedding, and my intro music is xyz, and all those random things that really don’t matter in the grand scheme of a marriage. Unfortunately, this is the case with a good number of women in today’s world. Blame it on tv and the wedding business.

Seeing as me I kukuma no send wedding tings, and I tend to look at things from a realistic stand point, let me not deceive myself and say I want to share room with someone for the rest of my life. Or that it’s one one person I’ll be knacking till I’m 90 years old, and someone will come and be asking me which money I made and sharing bills and the likes. Or someone’s mother coming to stay in the house for 6 months and I have to suck it up and say ‘Yes Ma’ to everything she says. Tufiakwa! I’m sorry I no fit. Are there happy things about marriage, and happily married people? Yes. Absolutely. But I feel like in 2013, those things can come without a marriage institution holding me down. After all, I might be feeling secure in my marrriage, and divorce will just come knocking one day, then what was the point.

I don’t mean to sound so pessimistic but as a realist these are the things I see as serious possibilities in marriages, and the ones that I’ve decided that I don’t want to deal with.

I talk to all my friends about my views and I swear they make me feel like I should go see a shrink. “No girl your age should feel like she doesn’t want to get married.” The heck is that even supposed to mean? Why can’t I just think the that way? Must I think like every other girl in the world? Is there a rule that says “Women must want to get married”?

With the way people make me feel, I feel like I’m the only girl who doesn’t want to get married. Or that I’m crazy to feel the way I feel.

People say the hardest part about meditating is finding the time to meditate. This makes sense: who these days has time to do nothing? It's hard to justify. Meditation brings many benefits: It refreshes us, helps us settle into what's happening now, makes us wiser and gentler, helps us cope in a world that overloads us with information and communication, and more. But if you're still looking for a business case to justify spending time meditating, try this one: Meditation makes you more productive.

Research shows that an ability to resist urges will improve your relationships, increase your dependability, and raise your performance. If you can resist your urges, you can make better, more thoughtful decisions. You can be more intentional about what you say and how you say it. You can think about the outcome of your actions before following through on them..

Our ability to resist an impulse determines our success in learning a new behavior or changing an old habit. It's probably the single most important skill for our growth and development.

As it turns out, that's one of the things meditation teaches us. It's also one of the hardest to learn.

When I sat down to meditate this morning, relaxing a little more with each out-breath, I was successful in letting all my concerns drift away. My mind was truly empty of everything that had concerned it before I sat. Everything except the flow of my breath. My body felt blissful and I was at peace.

For about four seconds.

Within a breath or two of emptying my mind, thoughts came flooding in—nature abhors a vacuum. I felt an itch on my face and wanted to scratch it. A great title for my next book popped into my head and I wanted to write it down before I forgot it. I thought of at least four phone calls I wanted to make and one difficult conversation I was going to have later that day. I became anxious, knowing I only had a few hours of writing time. What was I doing just sitting here? I wanted to open my eyes and look at how much time was left on my countdown timer. I heard my kids fighting in the other room and wanted to intervene.

Here's the key though: I wanted to do all those things, but I didn't do them. Instead, every time I had one of those thoughts, I brought my attention back to my breath.

Sometimes, not following through on something you want to do is a problem, like not writing that proposal you've been procrastinating on or not having that difficult conversation you've been avoiding.

But other times, the problem is that you do follow through on something you don't want to do. Like speaking instead of listening or playing politics instead of rising above them.

Meditation teaches us to resist the urge of that counterproductive follow through.

And while I've often noted that it's easier and more reliable to create an environment that supports your goals than it is to depend on willpower, sometimes, we do need to rely on plain, old-fashioned, self-control.

For example, when an employee [or coworker] makes a mistake and you want to yell at him even though you know that it's better—for him and for the morale of the group—to ask some questions and discuss it gently and rationally. Or when you want to blurt something out in a meeting but know you'd be better off listening. Or when you want to buy or sell a stock based on your emotions when the fundamentals and your research suggest a different action. Or when you want to check email every three minutes instead of focusing on the task at hand.

Meditating daily will strengthen your willpower muscle. Your urges won't disappear, but you will be better equipped to manage them. And you will have experience that proves to you that the urge is only a suggestion. You are in control.

Does that mean you never follow an urge? Of course not. Urges hold useful information. If you're hungry, it may be a good indication that you need to eat. But it also may be an indication that you're bored or struggling with a difficult piece of work. Meditation gives you practice having power over your urges so you can make intentional choices about which to follow and which to let pass.

So how do you do it? If you're just starting, keep it very simple.

Sit with your back straight enough that your breathing is comfortable—on a chair or a cushion on the floor—and set a timer for however many minutes you want to meditate. Once you start the timer, close your eyes, relax, and don't move except to breathe, until the timer goes off. Focus on your breath going in and out. Every time you have a thought or an urge, notice it and bring yourself back to your breath.

That's it. Simple but challenging. Try it—today—for five minutes. And then try it again tomorrow.

This morning, after my meditation, I went to my home office to start writing. A few minutes later, Sophia, my seven-year-old, came in and told me the kitchen was flooded. Apparently Daniel, my five-year-old, filled a glass of water and neglected to turn off the tap. Oops.

In that moment, I wanted to scream at both Daniel and Sophia. But my practice countered that urge. I took a breath.

Then, together, we went into action mode. We got every towel in the house—and a couple of blankets—and mopped it all up, laughing the whole time. When we were done soaking up the water, we talked about what happened. Finally, we all walked together to our downstairs neighbors and took responsibility for the flood, apologized, and asked if we could help them clean up the mess.

After that, I had lost an hour of writing. If I was going to meet my deadline, I needed to be super-productive. So I ate a quick snack and then ignored every distracting urge I had for two hours—no email, no phone calls, no cute Youtube videos—until I finished my piece, which I did with 30 minutes to spare.

You're fat, in debt, bite your nails, live in a filthy hovel you call an apartment, can't find a decent job, and your life sucks. Well, maybe it isn't that bad, but if you could stand to improve things in one area or another we can help. Here are our top 10 solutions to life's most annoying and troubling problems.

10. Your Home is a Mess

If you don't put regular work into organizing and maintaining cleanliness in your home, you can expect disaster. Dust accumulates, cords get out of whack, laundry doesn't get folded, and your things don't get put away. First things first, pick a few hours a week to dedicate to cleaning up your home. Hire help if you need it and can afford it, or find a way to actually enjoy the cleaning time. (I watch TV or listen to music.) In addition to making the time, which is the obvious fix, there are a bunch of things you can do to speed up the whole process. When folding laundry, use this two-second shirt folding method to save a ton of time. When you put away your clothing, organize it by color or some other memorable scheme so you never have to think of where to put an item and can easily find that item later on. Speaking of organizing, you should start organizing before you go out and buy any organizational productsso you actually know what you need (if anything) and avoid wasting money. When it comes to organizing your cables, we've posted so many great ways to get those under control. For the most part you're not going to save much time on dust, but you can filter it better by turning on your thermostat fan so it picks up dust that flies into the air while vacuuming (so long as you leave the fan on for 15 minutes afterwards as well). You can also make your own reusable dust-trapping cloths to save some money and follow our tips for getting rid of dust on your technology.

9. You're Addicted to Technology

Well...so? Okay, okay, there's good addiction and there's bad addiction. Technology can have a large presence in your life without causing problems, but you need to know when to unplug. Realizing you use your gadgets too much isn't going to get you anywhere if you don't know when you need to prohibit yourself from using them. Social situations are a good place to start, maybe allowing yourself a peek at your phone once or twice per night. When you set limits, you'll know you only have so many opportunities to check and you'll plan them well. You definitely want to unplug before bed, as keeping technology in the bedroom tends to mean you'll use it and glowing screens in the dark will not help you sleep better. It will also make serve as an early morning distraction and potentially make you late to work. One of the best times to unplug, however, is one you might think of as the worst: when you're out in the world and walking around or simply sitting with nothing to do. One of the major problems technology addiction has caused is a lack of awareness. Like with the movie theater, then the TV, and now the smartphone, technology transports your mind into another place regardless of where you are. If you start spending a little more time being aware of your surroundings, you might find that not only are interesting things happening all around you, but that you'll also become far more functional in various situations. We have a lot of little and big screens in our life, and they're fun, but we weren't meant to stare at them everywhere we go. Set some time aside for the world and it should help your tech addiction fade away.

For more info on why technology is so addictive and additional strategies on beating the problem, check out our full guide on tech burnout.

8. You're Being Manipulated

We're all manipulators and victims of manipulation in different ways, because we're designed to try and get what we want, but there are far too many people who take manipulation to an extreme and it is a horrible thing to encounter. First of all, it's important to identify how manipulation works and how ideas can be planted in your head, so you know if it's actually happening to you. Rarely will you be able to convince a serial manipulator to stop manipulator you, so solving the problem is a two step process: identify the problems and eliminate it. If you're being manipulated, cut all ties with the manipulator. It might be hard, but that's most often the only way to do it.

7. You Can't Sleep

Sleep is really important. It may actually be more important than food. It may even help you lose weight. If you're not sleeping well, there are so many things you can try to fix the problem. First of all, stop reading your backlit screens before going to bed! In fact, just keep technology out of the bedroom all together. You also should limit your caffeine and other stimulants. (We've seen caffeine really does to your brain.) This may be a hard change, but there are several ways to effectively wake up in the morning without stimulants. (I don't make use of stimulants and I have energy all day on most days, so I know it's possible.) Eating heavier in the morning and less at night can aid in better sleep. Here are ten more suggestions. You'll have to experiment a little to find what works, but when you take care of yourself physically, in general, you'll likely find that sleeping works just the way it should.

6. You're Poor

Apparently you'll be as happy as you're going to get with 100k, but if you're not quite there yet there are lots of things you can do to pick up some extra cash. The web offersplenty of ways to make some extra cash during your free time, so pick up a few and get to work. If more work isn't quite what you were hoping for, just make the most of being poor (or poor-ish). Live smaller, do it yourself more often, and make use of all the free stuff that's available to you (while being aware of its true cost). If over-spending is a problem, here are a few ways you can create hurdles to curb your spending, and a neat webapp to help get you out of debt.

5. You Want to Break a Bad Habit

Breaking bad habits is really tough, whether you're biting your nails or smoking, but there are several things you can try. Thinking about your habit like a hater could help, but so can being patient and taking it slow. There are questions you may want to ask yourself, and you may find forming a good habit will make it easier to break your bad ones. I like to use my imagination (e.g. "your fingers are made out of poop, so don't chew on them") but I've only found that to be successful half of the time. Whatever methods you use, whether they're mild or extreme, you need to be able to convince yourself that the habit is truly bad. We tend to like our bad habits and see the damage they cause, but they also give us comfort. If we can't realize and fully comprehend how bad that comfort is, the habit is always going to be much harder to break.

4. You're Burnt Out (or Getting There)

First things first, you need to actually recognize that you're burnt out. Sometimes you can get so overwhelmed by what's going on that you're just tired and don't even know what's wrong. Chest pain, frequent headaches, pessimism, skipping meals, a drop in productivity, frustration, poor concentration, and chronic fatigue are all common signs of burnout. So what do you do about it? Sometimes a vacation is a good place to start, just to gain back a little bit of your focus. When you return, however, you need to implement measures to find balance in your life. Small, strategic changes are key to finding that balance, rather than making enormous life-altering decisions. You'll find that big changes are harder to adjust to and can bring a lot of anxiety. Ultimately, many little things will have a greater impact than a big one. Planning real breaks into your day is a must. You may also find that setting aside specific time, later in the day, is best for tedious tasks you don't like doing or find distracting (e.g. email). Changing your work environment can also make an impact on how you feel, but the important thing is that you see taking the necessary steps to avoid burnout as a number one priority in your life.

For a lot more information on burnout, be sure to read Burnout and How to Deal With It.

3. You Hate Your Job

I know very few people who don't hate their job, and sometimes it's because their job is eating away at their humanity day by day and other times it's because of their outlook. If you're in a situation where your job is terrible, you probably need to quit. We've posted a guide to leaving your soul-crushing job and plenty of advice on what to do afterwards. In order to figure out where to go next, you're going to need to decide what you want to do. If it's something within your field,get your resume in great shape and start sending it out. When you get interviews, be prepared,but don't assume your interviewer is prepared. If you want a job outside of your specific field, all that is still relevant but here are some tips on talking your way into a job and how to get one when you have no relevant experience. If you can be smart, charismatic, and clever, you should do just fine.

But what if you don't want to leave your job even though it's making you miserable? It might just be your outlook that's weighing you down. You may be out of balance and burnt out, which we've already covered. If you've dealt with those problems already, check out these methods for making your work life better.

2. You're Fat and Unhealthy

If you live in America you can at least know that you're not alone. Being overweight is a—there's no way to avoid a pun here—big problem and it's a tough one to solve. If you need or want to lose weight, there's really no getting around the need to diet or exercise. The key is simply finding a diet and exercise routine that you'll actually stick to. Your instinct may be to try and move quickly so you can expedite the process and be nice and thin really quickly. This is a bad idea. If you're obese, you'll lose weight pretty rapidly if you eat healthy food and get some physical activity. For those of you trying to lose those last 10-20 pounds, you have a harder task. Either way, you need to put a plan together that you'll actually stick to. It should be hard work, but it should be hard work that you want to do and not hard work that you loathe every single day.

So how do you put that plan together? It's impossible to say what will or will not work for you but we can talk about a few options. First, cognitive-behavioral coping skills can be a good way to form a plan. They'll help you focus on your eating, rather than make it an activity that takes a backseat to watching television (for example), regularly remind yourself of your goals, and help you stay positive. Some people find that apps and accountability (to, say, an online community) make it much easier to lose weight. (Here are some app suggestions for Androidand iPhone.) You lose a little privacy in the process, but it's a pretty reasonable price to pay for achieving a fairly difficult goal. Personally, I think it's important to put togethe a psychology profile before you start your diet and exercise routine because you're human and if you only functioned by logic you would simply stay healthy all the time. Because you're also a very emotional being, you're going to have cravings that aren't necessarily physical. Personally, I have a weird psychological obsession with cupcakes. Profiling yourself is a good way to expect these issues and figure out solutions before they occur.

When you actually start your diet, we think that eating better, rather than less, is a good way to go. Exercising before breakfast may also contribute to better weight loss. Sleeping more may help a lot, too. Whatever you do, just make sure it's something you can commit to or it's completely pointless. Try new foods and physical activities to find ones you like. This is one problem you can't beat until you can find a way you can enjoy the hard work it takes to beat it.

1. You're Unhappy

This is a very personal problem that is going to have a very personal answer, and likely one or more of the previously discussed problems are contributing factors. That said, happiness doesn't have to be something difficult to achieve. You will be happy most days if you take care of yourself physically (e.g. regular physical activity, a healthy diet, enough sleep, etc.) and you do things that make you happy. The problem often is actually knowing what will make you happy, since humans are terrible at predicting the future and it can be hard to simplify most decisions. Here are a couple of ways to figure it out and put together a plan you can stick to.

First, here's what I did. I'm a generally happy person, but I wasn't for about a decade. I made a lot of decisions that I thought would make me happy, figured out most of them made me more unhappy, and then decided to come up with a new plan. I used to have a friend who treated me poorly, and the first step of that plan was putting an end to that friendship. I realized we had a lot of similar behaviors, and those behaviors were making me unhappy, so I adopted a policy of doing the opposite of everything I thought she would do. My life has been a straight upshot ever since. To simplify things further, I make nearly all my decisions based on the answers to two questions. First, I ask if saying yes to this choice will make me happy. Second, I ask if I think saying yes is the right thing to do. If both questions are yes, I do it. If not, I don't. Sometimes I'm afraid of what I might be missing when I say no, but that fear diminishes every day because too many good things happen.

But I'm not everybody, and so what I do isn't necessarily the best option for you. Other options include focusing on the little things,systematically replacing the bad things in your life on a weekly basis, making 100k (but not more), watching less television, not being a perfectionist, not faking happiness, boosting your self-esteem, and thinking about what made you laugh today.

Life can be tough, but if you commit to yourself and prioritize the things that matter you probably won't even notice.