How do you explain a missing hand to a child?

Parents have complained that a children's TV presenter with one hand is prompting awkward questions from young children. So how should you explain this kind of disability to a child?

No-one comes up with wrong-footing questions quite like a young child. And young, curious minds don't hesitate to point out differences in people they see around them.

So when the BBC's children's channel CBeebies employed presenter Cerrie Burnell, who was born with only one hand, her appearance on television screens prompted a debate among parents about what they say to their children.

Online message boards on CBeebies and the BBC's disability magazine Ouch! were brimming with support for the employment of a person with a disability, and the way this educated children about diversity.

But a minority of parents expressed concern that Ms Burnell's appearance was "scaring" children. One father said he feared it would give his daughter nightmares and a mother said her two-year-old girl could not watch because she thought the presenter had been hurt.

Ms Burnell, 29, says she doesn't take this personally but these kind of comments highlight the prejudice that disabled people face.

'CHILDREN ASK COOL QUESTIONS'

Clare Johnston is a student primary school teacher, 31, from Edinburgh, who uses a wheelchair

"Children will be direct, but they don't seem to have the assumption that it stops you doing other things, and they will tend to ask rather cooler questions like 'Can you do wheelies?'"

"Adults are frequently surprised to find you are able to go on with your life, work and hobbies."

When a teacher told the class not to ask questions about her, it made matters worse, she says

"Children come up to me in the street every day and say 'What's that?' I wouldn't say they're frightened but certainly they're inquisitive.

"I would always take the time to explain to a child. All they want is an explanation. They want to know 'What's that?' and 'What's happened?' and 'Why are you different?' And then they will move on."

She hopes that her presence can show young children what they can achieve on merit. But what parents say is up to them.

"I'd never comment on anyone's parenting or the time for them to have a discussion with their child about disabilities.

"It's a totally personal thing and people have to do it when they feel comfortable to do it. But I would just hope that, I guess, me being on CBeebies would present an opportunity for them to do that in the comfort of their own home."

If the child asks questions then they are old enough to understand the answer, she says, and her story is simply that she was born with one hand but it doesn't stop her doing anything.

Hard-of-hearing Barbies

The problem lies with the parents, not the children, says Sir Bert Massie from the Equality and Human Rights Commission.

"I think what's happening is a number of adults do have prejudices, do have very negative views about disabled people, and instead of admitting the views are their own, they're projecting them on to their children and saying the children are doing this. And of course they don't give their names [on message boards], so it's all anonymous."

It becomes harder for older children because they can be socially embarrassed

Child psychologist Penelope Leach

Attitudes have improved over time, helped by changes in the law, a higher profile for some disabled people and more awareness of equality issues. And children are more likely to see people with disabilities because many are now taught in mainstream schools.

Even toy makers are getting on message - turning out disability aids like wheelchairs, dark glasses and hearing aids for dolls and action figures.

Child psychologist Penelope Leach says children are faced with so much variety in the world that they do tend to accept what they see, unless someone else implies to them that something is wrong.

Tilly is a doll in a wheelchair, made by Kids Like Me

"Three to four year olds can't be sure that there aren't people in the world who only ever have one arm. There are people who have glasses, or are very tall, or have different skin. Why shouldn't there be people in the world who have a different number of arms?

"It becomes harder for older children because they can be socially embarrassed and they think 'Should I say something or not?' People in wheelchairs complain bitterly that older children and grown-ups don't look at them in the eye but you don't get that with young children."

While young children may react badly to the sight of blood, they would not be frightened by a person with one arm, unless it triggered something that had happened in their family.

"There are a lot of answers you could give. They won't say 'How did she lose her arm?', they are more likely to say 'Where is her arm?' or 'Why has she only got one arm?' And the parent can just say 'I don't know exactly, but maybe she had an accident.'

"Listen to the question you are being asked and answer the question. I wouldn't suggest looking at the presenter and pointing it out but if their child asks a question or makes a comment it's a great mistake to say 'hush, hush'. They want to know the answer to a very sensible question."

Ms Dilley says children relate to her better than adults

The difference in attitude between children and adults is striking, says Maddy Dilley who was struck by a debilitating condition which means she uses a wheelchair when leaving the house.

"Children are normally very positive. In buggies they seem to love it because I'm on the same level as them. They tend to grin and young children on foot turn back and smile," says the 24-year-old from Cambridgeshire.

The odd child will hide behind their mum or dad because they're not sure what's going on or point or react slightly differently, but overall it tends to be very positive, open and inquisitive.

"They don't see it as something different because it's not bred into them. While adults can see it in a discriminatory way, children are more innocent."

Adults sometimes ignore her and avoid eye contact when she clearly needs help with something, she says. On one occasion she was wheeled out of the way in a supermarket, which left her in tears.

So instead of shielding children from disability, it seems some adults should take a lead from youngsters in how to respond to it.

Add your comments on this story, using the form below.

My four year old daughter has noticed Cerrie's arm but is not in the least concerned. She asked me where it had gone, so we had a good chat about people's differences and everyone being individual. No questions since and she thinks Cerrie is great (especially her singing!). Well done to Cerrie for being so open.Zoe S, High Wycombe, UK

As a primary school teacher several years ago I had a new child arrive in my class. Part-way through the first morning she put a hand up and asked, "My arm hurts, can I take it off please?" She did so and lay the prosthesis on her desk. After a day or so no-one at the school took any notice.Rod Woodhouse, Hatfield

I love that my kids are getting positive impressions of all kinds of different people from CBeebies: Sid is great as we don't know many black people and Cerrie is great as we don't know many disabled people. If my children do have questions about such differences, I'd much rather they happen at home in front of TV than in a situation where we were encountering that difference in real life.Andrew MacCormack, Edinburgh, UK

We're making a huge problem out of nothing here. I was at school with a thalidomide victim. No-one questioned, we just accepted that her right arm ended at the elbow - I certainly can't remember anyone being scared or put off - and no parents made anything of it. And my former classmate now has three grown up children of her own. Get a grip and stop pandering to this kind of nonsense: accept people for what they are, not what they look like - it's called life.David, Halifax, West Yorks, England

"Her hand was hurt in an accident very badly. The doctor had to take it away. No it doesn't hurt anymore." What's the problem? The parents, that's what. If a child is concerned that a simple cut will lead to amputation - talk to them about it. That is the real nub of the problem here. Parents who want to avoid talking about anything more important than "look at that fluffy bunny". I pity the children. What will these parents do when Granny dies? Tell the child she is on holiday? Sandy, Derby, UK

I admit that I am a bit squeamish whenever I see this presenter but that's my own prejudices. I don't think children have a problem as they simply accept the world as presented to them without the baggage that adults have. That said I don't think the current couple are anyway near as good as Chris and Poi. One final thought, it's interesting that one section of the BBC is progressive enough to have a disabled presenter but Moira Stewart claims ageism forced her out of the BBC. Richard Hitchins, Blackpool

They make it sound like there has never been disabled presenters before, Ade Adepitan springs to mind. He was wheelchair bound, and a presenter on CBBC in the past, I don't remember such a fuss being made over him. Ashley, Milton Keynes

I was shocked and surprised to hear of the negative opinion of Cerrie Burnell. I am the parent of a child who watches a little of CBeebies, and I applaud the BBC for having the guts to ignore the disability and focus on the fact she is a good presenter. The fact that Ms Burnell is disabled is strange to see on screen, but only in as much as it is unexpected. I think the reaction to this story shows that the vast majority of people have got over the prejudices that existed in relation to the disabled, and I pity those who can't find the words to explain disability to their children without scaring them.Graham, Stevenage

Is it really fair to say this case highlights the issue of prejudice? You've only got to read the comments here to see that people aren't in the least bit bothered by it. My own child asked once about Cerrie's arm, but that was it - almost a "oh, okay, one arm, so what" reaction. It's really not a big deal, so the Beeb can rest easy and tell Cerrie she genuinely doesn't need to wave it about in front of the camera anymore - we're fine with the missing arm thing. Move along BBC - there is no disability crusade for you to embark on here.Darren Parkin, Stratford-upon-Avon

One of my friends only has one hand and it took my daughters over a year to notice. When they did it was a case of "where has your hand gone?". They were interested at the time but have hardly mentioned since and it has never shocked or concerned them. Children accept as "normal" what they see around them - prejudice and fear only come when others tell them otherwise.Stuart, Cardiff

I applaud the BBC on employing someone for their credentials, irrespective of a disability. If these parents are so negative to people who are different from them (whether it be religion, skin colour, height, weight, disability etc) their child is growing up in a bubble. I have a friend who is deaf, and although none of us can use sign language we can still communicate with her and I do not consider her to be any different from any of my other friends. Those parents should be ashamed of their behaviour. All the best in your career Ms Burnell, hope to see you soon in other programmes.Stephen, Cardiff

My son watches this lady on TV. I am sure he is well aware that this lady has no arm but has never mentioned it. He is five years old, at the age of questions, and has said nothing, he just enjoys the programme, as for the parents if they are complaining of this then they should get rid of there TVs there is so much on TV now you can not shelter your children especially for something as ridiculous as this. Those parents should be ashamed for not raising there children better. As for this lady, you rock girl, you keep doing what you're doing, you are an inspiration for children more than you know.Lisa Grisdale, Doncaster

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