Shady advice from a raging bitch who has no business answering any of these questions.

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On miley’s hair

Can you explain why cultural appropriation is so wrong? I want to style my hair like Miley Cyrus’ but a couple of my friends told me she appropriated that style from hip hop culture. I know she did, but butches did it first. Pink did it first. I don’t really get it.

Actually, the official chief mistress of Louis XV did it first. Her name was Jeanne Antoinette Poisson, Marquise de Pompadour. Not that any relevant history matters, because your sphere of influence is just a candy-coated pop culture bubble that extends one degree of separation beyond Miley Fucking Cyrus.

The good news is that there’s nothing culturally appropriative about Miley’s current haircut. The bad news is that for you to understand why, it would require that you have a sense of culture in the first place.

Just tell your stylist you want a platinum quiff, and try not to fall asleep while chewing gum.