Thursday, February 19, 2009

You gotta feel for Mike Bloomberg. All that money, and no one wants to invite him to their party. Their political party, at any rate.

The Post reports (an oxymoron in itself) that Mayor Mike has hit a brick wall with the GOP in his attempts to run as a Republican for the third term that he said no one should have. If that wasn't bad enough, it seems the Dems don't want him either, being inclined to nominate someone who may actually be a Democrat.

A source close to the mayor says Hizzoner's people are now "looking at anything and everything." Determination like this is why the Mayor is a billionaire and ordinary pond scum like you and me tend to join a party for life. Mike isn't concerned about trivial details such as whether he believes in anything the party stands for. No, goshdarnit, he's going to run for that third term and nothing as trivial as scruples will stand in his way.

So even though he has some of his best people on it, I felt I should chip in. I looked up some political parties that the mayor might be interested in. You can see a pretty comprehensive list here.

The Libertarian Party seemed promising, with the cool name and all, but Mike discovered that they actually believe in giving people liberty, so that was out. The Green Party was a possibility until the mayor realized it had to do with the environment and not money. The mayor even mentioned the Labor Party to his closest aides, saying, "I am a strong advocate of workers' rights". Unfortunately, he couldn't keep a straight face and laughed until he puked on his Bruno Maglis. Luckily, his cleaning lady had just finished hand scrubbing the mayor's toilet with a toothbrush and was available to clean up the mess.

Given all these problems, Bloomberg is considering starting his own party. Thus far, he's come up with a few possibilities:

The Napoleon Complex PartyThe At Least I'm Not Joel Klein PartyThe Screw The Workers Party