After almost 70 years, Archie, the perpetual teenager will finally choose which girl he really wants and will propose in an upcoming issue:

Archie Comics’ official blog confirmed the epochal news, digging into its cache of exclamation marks to declare: “ARCHIE ANDREWS IS GETTING MARRIED!”

In the story, Archie has finally graduated from Riverdale High School; in fact, he’s five years older and a college graduate. (We told you this was the apocalypse.) He may even have an actual job when he gets engaged.

Darn! All the best one-liners were taken. (Hadn't thought of Cherry Poptart, though...) Well, now I have an idea of what "jumping the shark" means. The creator of "Archie" might still be alive (although his daughter, sadly, passed away in the early 1980s), but I don't think he's drawn the comic in years. It's become such a franchise that it's drawn by a team of illustrators. One person could not possibly handle the newspaper comic and the various comic books and the little mini-comic books... even though they're about 80% reprints by now...

Anyway, this does seem like a farewell to Archie. The comic was meant to appeal to pre-teens (with its clean, romanticized depiction of high-school life). Because of this, although its audience would grow up and drift away, new fans kept coming in --- this is what kept it going for so many years. Eventually, though, sales declined. There are still "Archie" fans out there, but in smaller numbers. The franchise has been retooled a few times, with disappointing results. One must admit, though, that "Archie" has generally been smartly-managed. It has lasted much longer than most comics, and maintained its key demographic by adhering to a successful formula. My guess is that its creator knows that it's no longer turning a profit, and it's time to bow out gracefully. Let's give our fans, young & old, a conclusion, then wave goodbye.

I think he'll go with Betty. (When did she become one of the Spice Girls?) She's definitely in his league. Veronica's hot, but I think her attraction for him was of the "heiress & the stableboy" type. Stay away from that, Archie; you'll wind up dead. Besides, marrying Veronica would become unneccessarily complicated for a kiddie comic. Why? Because her Daddy is Hiram Lodge --- at one time a common name for various Masonic meeting lodges. Yep, the guy who created the strip is a Freemason, and he stuck all kinds of references to this in there! Moose Miller used to be Moose Mason, and Mr. Lodge was revealed to have the first name of "Hiram" in earlier strips. It may be assumed that he owes much of his financial success to his connections in the Masonic Order. Consequently, his daughter Veronica has her marriage options limited to young men who have joined the Order themselves. So Archie would have to join --- but Mr. Lodge doesn't approve of him, so it might be hard to get a recommendation. Veronica could also insist on marrying a non-Mason, but this would involve her filling out some paperwork, going through a ritual, and basically embarrassing her Daddy in the eyes of his brethren. V's character just ain't that strong. Reggie will join the Order, and she'll marry him. Archie gets Betty. Jughead gets to kiss the horse.