When you meet a leader who is positive and patient you are meeting someone who has learned to be self-aware and manage their frustrations in a healthy way. This doesn’t happen automatically for most people - it is part of the work that goes on behind the scenes for a leader.

This week Jo and Steph talk emotional intelligence and the importance of self awareness and social awareness in order to lead effectively without those negative emotions getting in the way of our relationships.

1) Self-awareness is being aware of what you’re feeling and why. It takes time to identify and name what we are really feeling underneath.

2) Self-management is making a plan to intentionally renew your mind by creating holy habits.

3) Social-awareness is growing in sympathy towards others, learning social clues and intentionally making time to observe and find out what people are really feeling.

4) Relationship management is being able to move a group into something which is best for everybody without ignoring the underlying emotions of a group.

1) Identify a time recently when unexpected negative emotions surfaced. Take some time to process the root of those emotions. Remember the emotion you felt is probably the surface emotion for another deeper issue. Remember journalling can be a great tool for processing as well as talking with others, praying etc.

2) Read Romans 12:1-2. Steph shared that she prayed for patience in times of frustrations with housemates until patience became a habit and Jo mentioned meditating on a scripture from James to help her remain calm in a difficult meeting. Both were ways that God used to renewed their minds and grow their character. After you have identified a root emotion, what intentional small step do you wish to put in place as your plan of action for the next time this emotion begins to surface?

3) Do you find yourself naturally being empathetic with others or not? Discuss different social cues which can help you be more aware of others’ emotions.

4) How can you make steps to intentionally assess the emotional atmosphere in your areas of influence and take it into consideration whilst still leading in obedience to the direction God is leading your group in?

In this episode Jo talks leadership behind the scenes with Vivian Mabuni, an Asian-American leader. They discuss cultural clashes in life and leadership, the differences between western and eastern styles of leadership, struggling against ‘phantom’ leaders, and the behind-the-scenes things that God has used to develop character in Vivian’s life - from motherhood to cancer. Find out how Vivian finds spaces to process cultural differences in leadership; how cancer helped her embrace community and what she believes we can and must do to raise up leaders from diverse backgrounds. Check out Vivian's website at http://vivianmabuni.com/

Discussion questions:

1) Jo and Vivian discussed the differences between western and eastern styles of leadership. What did you learn from that discussion which could impact your own leadership style? How do you encourage participation from all personality types?

2) Do you feel frustrated with your life now because it doesn’t seem to fit with the calling you feel God is doing? How could He be using the current circumstances to build your character?

3) Who are the people you are trying to reach and raise up as leaders? How can you encourage a greater diversity in leadership and decision making so there are people who can influence and be imitated from the backgrounds you are called to reach?

When a photographer takes a photo there is a whole lot which is not included in that one snapshot. Leadership is just like that - what is seen by others is just one angle of that person’s life.

This week it is Jo’s turn to answer the questions about her life behind the scenes in leadership.

Jo shares about the loneliness and cost of leadership, how relationships have been affected by leadership and how she avoids competing with others. Find out the key questions Jo finds herself asking as she leads; how she endeavors to make wise decisions about what opportunities to embrace and how she handles vulnerability and confidentiality, especially with her family life.

Discussion questions:

1. Have you ever experienced a shift in your life situation (new relationship, position, a move) which has changed the dynamics of your relationships with close friends? How did you respond to those changes?

2. Do you ever find yourself competing with others? How do you handle that? Jo shared that she intentionally befriends people because it is difficult to compete with those people you like. What are some ways you can celebrate those people you are tempted to compete with?

3. Do you feel confident that you are doing what God wants you to do in this season? Did you spend time preparing with God for the season you are in? Do you need to go back and review what God was talking to you about this season?

Life as a leader is like an I-phone running lots of different apps: many things are going on but only one thing is seen at a time. Unfortunately (or sometimes fortunately?!) most people around us only get to see one or two of the things we have going on and fail to see the greater perspective of our lives. This episode is a chance to find out more of life behind the scenes for Steph as she is in the hot seat this week being grilled by Jo. Steph shares about feeling misunderstood, how her personality can make people assume things about her, how she manages friendships at work and outside; and the unspoken grief that comes with leading and letting go. Listen in to find out how she copes behind the scenes with disappointing others, as well as being personally disappointed with others as a leader. She also shares some of her journey into leadership and the choices she made which helped build her character before stepping into ministry.

Discussion questions:

1. Do you ever feel you need to compensate for your personality as a leader? In what ways?

2. How do you handle saying ‘no’ to others? Are you prioritizing time for self-care?

3. Does the fear of others saying ‘no’ hold you back from asking for investment in your leadership? Can you give others grace to say ‘no’ and trust that God will still provide for you?

In this episode Steph talks leadership with Raymond Blackledge, a YMCA youth support program director, serving youth in the juvenile justice system. Talking from his experience working with leaders and vulnerable young people, Raymond shares the things which have helped him lead successfully, as well as his failures and top tips for leading others. Which people have most influenced Raymond’s life? How does he handle leading people from different cultural backgrounds? How does he handle disappointment and frustration in leadership? How does he intentionally pursue growth in his own leadership and encourage others to grow too? Listen in to find out!

Discussion questions: (Remembering leadership is defined as someone who is intentional with their influence):

1. Raymond talks about being a servant leader. In what ways do you intentionally serve others in your leadership?

2. Raymond compares sports coaching to leadership. Do you encourage others to coach you and give you feedback in your leadership? Why or why not? How can you give constructive criticism (coach) those who you are leading?

3. How do you handle disappointments in leadership? Do you take enough time for self-care?