Wooster's Rules

Of style, grooming and demeanor

Introduction

The purpose of this blog is to set forth a series of rules on matters sartorial (and related subjects) for men. I have compiled these rules after long observation of the often degraded state of male dress and demeanor one sees in our great cities of late.

These rules are not intended as mere suggestions, rather they should be adhered to strictly. Deviate at your peril.

Sincerely,

Mr. Wooster

18 January 2010

59. Except in the case of a dinner suit, black suits should be avoided.

60. Generally, the only acceptable colors for men’s dress shoes are black or some shade of brown; a narrow exception exists for the white buck, but this shoe is fraught with peril and should be approached with caution.

61. Despite what some women will tell you (inexplicably), it is perfectly acceptable to wear black dress shoes with a navy suit. Just make sure they are polished.

62. Woven leather shoes are never acceptable.

63. Gentlemen always wash their hands—with soap—when visiting the lavatory. There are absolutely no exceptions.

64. Sports team jerseys should be avoided unless you are a member of the team or are attending an actual, live match. And in the latter case, only if you absolutely insist.

23. Unless they are of reverse-calf (suede), your dress shoes should be polished. Always.

24. Unless you are a jazz musician, shave that “soul patch,” you look like an idiot.

25. When wearing a suit, it is never acceptable to wear sneakers and then change into dress shoes when you arrive at your destination. If your dress shoes are that uncomfortable, buy new ones that fit correctly, you pillock.

02 July 2008

16. Unless you (i) work in the IT department; (ii) are a doctor who is on-call; (iii) are an on-duty law enforcement officer; or (iv) want to look like a ass, it is never a good idea to wear electronic devices on your belt.

17. The only occasion during which it is acceptable to use a Bluetooth earpiece with a mobile phone is whilst driving. If you wear one at any other time, know that you look like a twat and people are making fun of you.