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Terrible And Hilarious Lesbian Stereotypes That Just Won't Die

Let's leave outdated lesbian stereotypes in the dust. Lesbians are the new cool... here's why.

Most lesbians adore many men, and in particular our dads, brothers, straight male friends and gay brothers. We don't need to be men-haters to love women. Truthfully, the idea that the right guy and his penis will make us want to be with a guy is part of the "men in lesbian fantasyland" phenomenon, and it just isn't happening. Sure, once in a while we lose one of our sisters to a guy, but that's rare.

Lesbians want to have a threesome with your bi-girlfriend/boyfriend because we'll have sex with any woman around. (Holy cow; people really believe this stuff?).

All right, are you ready? Here we go. Sex does not require intercourse or penetration by any means — whether you are straight or lesbian. Sex also doesn't require an orgasm. Sex includes kissing, stroking, licking, touching and everything in between, and it can all be extremely enjoyable. I've experienced really wonderful sex with a woman that didn't include an orgasm. I've also had my lesbian world rocked by amazing orgasms that went on and on. That never happened when I was with a man. Never. Not once. Not even close. Oh, did I mention that I used to be married and have had my share of sex with men? It doesn't begin to compare to sex with a woman.

So what's real and what's a myth? Well, lesbians do all of the "sex things" and lots more associated with lesbian stereotypes. Some lesbian couples are very butch/femme and love strap-ons and dildo play, but that's not for all lesbian couples. It also isn't required to be butch to enjoy sex toys. Lesbians of all kinds of persuasions enjoy them, and so do many straight women.

Now, let me blow your mind with some data from the National Health and Social Life Survey comparing lesbian and heterosexual women's sexual experiences. Hold on boys, it's bad news for you! Keep reading...

1. Billy Crystal

Crystal played an openly gay character on Soap so he was asked what his thoughts were about how gay characters are portrayed today. He then shockingly spouted the following quote.

"I've seen some stuff recently on TV in different kinds of shows where the language or the explicit sex is really, you know, sometimes I get it, and sometimes I just feel like, 'Ah, that's too much for me.'… Sometimes it’s just pushed a little too far for my tastes, and I’m not going to get into which ones they are."

2. Phil Robertson

The Duck Dynasty star decided to speak about his disapproval in 2013 in his interview with GQ with this craziness.

"Everything is blurred on what's right and what's wrong… Sin becomes fine. Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there. Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men." Robertson went on to his preaching by paraphrasing Corinthians from the Bible: "Don't be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers—they won't inherit the kingdom of God. Don’t deceive yourself. It's not right."

3. Paris Hilton

In 2012, a cab driver recorded this hotel heiress as she was in the middle of the conversation with her gay friend. Proof that having friends of a certain minority group doesn't mean you can't do something homophobic or racist. She then said the following when Grindr was mentioned.

"Gay guys are the horniest people in the world…they're disgusting. Dude, most of them probably have AIDS."

4. Mel Gibson

In an interview with Spanish newspaper El Paisthe actor decided to express his hate by being explicit.

"They take it up the ass. [laughs, stands up, bends over, points to anus] This is only for taking a shit."

He then decided to be horrible on another occasion in another interview saying, "With this look, who's going to think I'm gay? I don't lend myself to that type of confusion. Do I look like a homosexual? Do I talk like them? Do I move like them?"

5. Tracy Morgan

The comedian made a joke in his routine in 2011 that really didn't go over well with good reason.

"God don't make no mistakes; all this gay stuff is bullshit," Morgan said, adding the following about lesbians: "There is no way a woman could love and have sexual desire for another woman, that's just a woman pretending because she hates a fucking man."

He then took it further by threatening his son. "If my son were gay he better come home and talk to me like a man and not [like a homosexual–Morgan mimicked a feminine voice] or I'd pull out a knife and stab that little N***** to death."

7. Victoria Jackson

The SNL comedian appeared on Showbiz Tonight in 2011 to talk about her disdain for Glee.

"Did you see "Glee" this week? Sickening! And, besides shoving the gay thing down our throats, they made a mockery of Christians - again! I wonder what their agenda is? Hey, producers of "Glee" - what's your agenda? One-way tolerance?"

Crystal played an openly gay character on Soap so he was asked what his thoughts were about how gay characters are portrayed today. He then shockingly spouted the following quote.

"I've seen some stuff recently on TV in different kinds of shows where the language or the explicit sex is really, you know, sometimes I get it, and sometimes I just feel like, 'Ah, that's too much for me.'… Sometimes it’s just pushed a little too far for my tastes, and I’m not going to get into which ones they are."