Say goodnight to school nightmares

Which one terrorizes your child?

August 15, 2013|By Margaret Sagarese

Some mothers regret summer winding down, preferring to have kids at home all day. Others feel wistful for five seconds once a child boards the school bus. Mothers may be divided; kids are not. Almost every child, including those eager for school, start up grapple with back-to-school nightmares.

Since you can’t wake them up when September ends, your job entails helping your elementary- or middle-schooler manage those anxieties. Here’s a breakdown of typical trouble areas and strategies to diminish the dilemmas.

Boarding the school bus

Preschool kiddies joyfully chant about the wheels on the bus going round and round. Yet, in the flash of a few years, the school bus becomes anything but a joyride. Whether 7 or 11, chances are your child will dread the transport routine to school. Some worries, such as wobbling down the aisle to find an empty seat or handling the awkwardness of plopping down next to someone who doesn’t flash a smile, tend to be exaggerated jitters.

Other fears, though, are well-founded. School bus shakedowns are prominent. Bigger and meaner kids rule. The movie “Hoot” based on Carl Hiaasen’s bestseller shows a bully strangling a new kid from behind. Getting tripped by a sneaky sneaker that juts out just as someone passes by, having a backpack or hat ripped from shoulder or head — such pranks are standard. And it’s not only the boys victimizing and getting victimized. James Garbarino, Ph.D., author of “See Jane Hit: Why Girls Are Growing More Violent and What We Can Do About It,” said girls tend toward aggressive tactics, too. This generation who plays contact sports and martial arts acts out more physically than ever before.

Where’s the bus driver? Upfront watching the road. She can’t catch all the shenanigans. Some communities segregate elementary-age kids from middle-schoolers. Regardless of who rides in your child’s vehicle, he will almost always see the riders in terms of bigger kids, mean queen bees and threatening ones.

What you can do: Ask your child about misbehavior on the bus. Ask more than once because kids often cover up about bullying. If you suspect your child’s bus is out of control, advocate for an adult rider to discipline or for video cameras on the vehicle.

Transitioning to a new building

Call it the fear of the unknown. Nowadays, more students encounter new buildings. Getting lost feels frightening to a first-grader who already battles separation anxiety. Fifth-graders or seventh-graders tend to be self-conscious about appearing foolish to peers. So not being able to find a locker or a science lab sends them over the edge.

What you can do: Take your child on a tour of the building prior to the start up of school. If that opportunity has passed, get a map of the building, or draw one with your child until she feels prepared to walk the halls with confidence.

High noon in the cafeteri

Finding a seat at a table with friends with whom to share lunch isn’t a nightmare for just tweens any longer. Who’s cool and who’s not becomes established in the elementary grades. Basically, this boils down to popularity.

In the aptly titled “Why Doesn’t Anybody Like Me?” Hara Estroff Marano, editor-at-large for Psychology Today, explains, “Rejected children tend to be painfully aware from a very early age — at least third grade — that their behavior is not desirable. They know they have trouble getting others to play with them.”

Loneliness between two slices of bread tastes bitter and feels just as awful as having no mates at recess.

What you can do: The cafeteria resembles of social grid wherein everyone has a place often determined by social standing. In “Cliques: 8 Steps to Help Your Child Survive the Social Jungle,” my co-author, Charlene Giannetti, and I encourage parents to have their children map out the lunch cliques — the preppies, nerds, skater boys, Abercrombie girls, band geeks. This exercise instills social intelligence in even the most timid chills because it acknowledges stereotyping and helps everyone feel informed and more in control. Lighten the subject up by watching Disney’s “High School Musical” with your child. Put the CD in your car, too.

Looking foolish in gym

Some kids are literally born to run or score goals or hit homeruns. Others are not.