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Wednesday, September 06, 2017

Friday 6th September 2019
Day 161 of the New British Era

A message to all Londoners

Thank you for your continued resilience at this difficult time. Our forecasters predict that cloud cover may start to break at some point during the next month. Do not leave the house without applying UV protection. Fresh food supplies are on their way, but you will need to make the most of your existing resources at this time. Power supply will be provided today in even-numbered postcodes only. We hope to restore water supplies to the flooded parts of the city soon. If you have not yet evacuated to another part of the country, we encourage you to do so.

Overall status: IMPROVING SLOWLY

Radiation: LOW
Background levels have declined significantly since April. However, babies and small children should continue to remain indoors during the hours agreed with your local health visitor.

UV Radiation: SIGNIFICANT
The ozone hole created by firestorms on the Korean peninsula is predicted to pass over London during the late morning. A siren will sound in your area when the perimeter of the UV hole is imminent overhead. The expected risk period is between 10:30am and 12:15pm. If you must venture outside during this time, always wear long-sleeved clothing and headgear with an extended brim.

Days since last sunshine: 146
Vitamin D supplements should now be taken three times a day.

Weather: REMAINING OVERCAST
Skies will not clear today. Soot levels in the upper atmosphere will remain high. Car headlamps must be used after Notional Sunset, which is expected to be 45 minutes early at 18:49 BST. Temperatures remain 4-6 degrees below the seasonal average. The old and vulnerable are advised to wear extra layers indoors. Light levels may brighten fractionally over the weekend.

Horticulture: WEAK
Little significant photosynthesis is likely before the end of the traditional growing season. Gardeners are therefore requested to harvest the remainder of their crops within the next seven days and to bring any surplus to their nearest government supply depot. This weekend has been officially designated Bramble Saturday and Jam Sunday.

Food supplies: LIMITED
Large supermarkets will remain closed until further notice. The National Loaf is available on alternate days only. Supplies of tinned vegetables are starting to run low. Potatoes are being stockpiled for winter consumption so are no longer available. Householders should download the official Ration App if they have not already done so. Watch BBC Breakfast this morning to see the Food Minister explain how to use powdered egg to bake a Woolton Pie. Copies of the British Challenge Cookbook can be downloaded from the National Emergency website.

Trade Deals: NOT YET AGREED
The government continues to work towards import/export agreements with non-European nations. Food deals with unaffected countries in the southern hemisphere remain our top priority. President Pence has given notice that urgent grain supplies may be provided in return for a 'reasonable contraction' in key UK industries. A satisfactory conclusion is only one successful negotiation away.

Economic forecast: CHALLENGING
The pound continues to find its natural level on the foreign exchange markets. Inflation is expected to break into double figures later today. Buying British remains the best way to protect your savings and support the economy.

Petrol Supplies: ABUNDANT
Our country's new partnership with President Putin ensures that petrol is once again freely available. Long queues are anticipated at the pumps as drivers replenish their tanks. Expect bus services to return to normal by the start of next week.

Flood Levels: ELEVATED
Heavy rainfall continues to cause increased discharge in the Thames Valley. Several riverside neighbourhoods in Hammersmith and Hounslow have been evacuated and Bermondsey is on heightened Flood Watch. Thames Water customers are advised to boil their water before cooking or drinking. Power has been returned to the Thames Barrier after it failed to close on Tuesday. The Jubilee line between Canada Water and Canning Town is not expected to reopen.

Emergency Evacuation: EU CITIZENS ONLY
A limited number of evacuation trains will run today from Paddington, Marylebone and Liverpool Street. Please note that the Irish border is now closed. All those holding a European Union passport are encouraged to make their way to Victoria Coach Station where a free service to the continent is available. Those holding the new blue British passport are not eligible.

British Health Service: MOSTLY OPEN
Waiting times for minor operations may be longer than usual as cases of Seasonal Affected Disorder reach critical levels. The Healthcare Secretary reports that 350 London nurses successfully returned home to Eastern Europe last week. Customers with the Lewisham and Greenwich BHS Trust are asked to try not to be ill today.

Vigilance Level: VOLATILE
Disturbances have been reported in Kilburn, Mitcham, Stepney and the outer reaches of Havering. The army advises against unnecessary travel in these areas.

Curfew: 8PM-6AM
Transport networks will start to run down from 7pm. Looters will be arrested on sight.

Climate change: RISK AVERTED
Viewed solely in the long term, nuclear winter has had a broadly positive effect on reducing rising global temperatures.

Outlook: OPTIMISTIC
Britain will not allow overcast skies to get us down. We will pull through. We will take back control.