Parents should talk to children about sex

COMMENTARY — I remember it as if it were yesterday. Walking home from school with my friend Betsy, she proceeded to tell me the “facts of life.”

By LYNDA SHRAGERAlbany Times Union

COMMENTARY — I remember it as if it were yesterday. Walking home from school with my friend Betsy, she proceeded to tell me the “facts of life.” I entered my house quite upset and overwhelmed with all this newfound knowledge. Although my mother was mad at Betsy, she was probably a bit relieved. The dialogue had begun and now she could fill in the facts and details that my 9-year-old “teacher” had left out. Most of us parents dread the moment when we have to have “The Talk” with our kids. But as the experts will tell you, the sooner, the better.It’s important to educate our kids about sex to empower them with knowledge to take control of their bodies and make appropriate decisions. According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, “Each year about 1 million teenage girls become pregnant and 3 million teens get a sexually transmitted disease.” With television and the Internet constantly bombarding them with sexual messages, we need to provide accurate and appropriate information so they may make good choices.It’s never too early to start talking to kids about their bodies. Don’t think of it as a one-time event. Rather, it should be an ongoing dialogue that is brought up at different points along the child’s development. KidsHealth.org recommends that we use the correct anatomical words for private parts starting around age 3. “As long as the child is able to say the words penis, vagina . . . and they are stated matter-of-factly, the child will learn to use them in a direct manner, without embarrassment.” Healthfinder.gov, an excellent government sponsored site, offers great labeled pictures and explanations of the female and male reproductive systems.Puberty, when your child’s body begins to change, may begin any time between the ages of 9 and 14. This is when they might be least likely to want to talk with us about their feelings and the changes they are experiencing, making it even more important to open a dialogue. A favorite TV program may have a story line about a kid dealing with sexual issues. A relative may be pregnant or one of your kid’s friends may have gotten their period. Use these moments to ask them how they feel about going through puberty, or if any of their friends are dating.The AACAP notes that “adolescents are able to talk about lovemaking and sex in terms of dating and relationships. They may need help dealing with sexual feelings. Open communication and accurate information from parents increase the chances they will postpone sex and use birth control when they do begin.”Start small; avoid too much information at once. When they ask a question, ask them what they think, so as to ascertain their level of knowledge and understanding. Answer honestly and correctly. Try to be calm and non-critical with a little humor thrown in.

Never miss a story

Choose the plan that's right for you.
Digital access or digital and print delivery.