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August 25, 2010

Prose from the Past

I decided to crack open the old school yearbooks. Though the photos of my afro were fairly comical, the most entertaining elements of the yearbook were the signings of my fellow alums.

The evolution of the 'Fro

Thus the following lists some of my classmates more memorable words (ranging from grades 7 to 12) along with some hindsight commentary.

(Spoiler alert: Unless you happen to be B/Ryan, Nathan, Bunna or a fan of the Miami Dolphins, these words probably aren't worth your time. Even then I'd call this a stretch.)

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“Congrats on being the awards champion. I love it when Nathan loses.” – Bryan Farnsworth

Ten years of empirical evidence has shown that all of us love it when Nathan loses (see Settlers of Cattan).

“Join the swim team.” - Cody M

Sorry, I draw the line at waxing my chest. Plus if I wanted to shower with naked dudes everyday I’d go back to the MTC.

“Don’t break the girls hearts!” - Monica

Obviously Monica was blind.
That or she thought the girls at our high school had very low expectations. Speaking of poor expectations ...

“Aim so low you’ll always be impressed with yourself.” - Ryan Pearson

Sound advice, from an unsound man.

“Eres muy inteligente! Adios.” - Senor Erickson

Two issues here. First of all, what type of nerd gets his Spanish teacher to sign his yearbook? Could someone go back in time 11 years and punch the 1999 me in the face? Secondly, how could this be the only Spanish comment in my yearbook when 50% of my school spoke Spanish exclusively? I wonder if I was racist. That might explain what Jan wrote.

“You don’t know me. I’m black.” – Jan

You’re right, I don’t know you, nor do I remember you. But in this case I don’t think it was because you were black. I think its cause your name was Jan.

“Spencer – Thanks for a great time at Sadie Hawkins.” – Melinda Wayman

And thank you for not slapping me when I hugged my cat instead of you at the doorstep.

“Get Playstation 2.” - Ian

I did. That act consequently accounted for 92% of my High School experience.

“Hey Spencer, I owe you for the homework that I copied off you. Thanks hot stuff.” – Ray Feinga, West Lake grad and current Miami Dolphin

Yeah that’s right, one of BYU’s greatest offensive lineman and current NFL player Ray Feinga copied my homework. I like to think I played a part in him making it big. And he called me hot stuff. Of course, I would prefer if a girl had said that, but I'll take what I can get.

“See you when you see me.” – Dutch

Knowing my eyesight I’ll never see you, which means you’ll never see me, which means I’ll never have a friend with such a cool name ever again.

“Hope 9th grade was as fun as you expected!” - Sunny Kim

You mean as fun as an enema delivered by a 12-guage? Yeah, it was! Thanks Sunny!

“Official Head Champion of the World” – Bunna Veth

Not sure if this was meant to describe me or if Bunna was describing himself. The way I see it, either of us could fit that bill. Hmm ... let’s let Austin Higginson decide.

Well that settles that. Presenting Bunna Veth, Official Head Champion of the World.

“Good luck finding a cure for your colorblindness.” – Ryan Pearson“I apologize for using orange markers a lot this year. Amazing that you learned “the Calculus” when you couldn’t see half the time.” – Mr. Clawson

So I couldn't see certain colors (orange included). Big deal. Bunna could. And I could see Bunna's paper. And Bunna wasn't just Head Champion of the World, he was Head Champion of Calculus too. You get the picture.

Due to this request being cited more than once, I'm led to believe that the fear of turning into a girl and becoming attracted to girls was a major concern during the 7th grade. Glad I could be reminded of this.

“Spencer - Perhaps the only person in this school who hates the Utes as much as I do. Perhaps more.” – Ryan Pearson

Hahahaha ...hahaha ....haha Spencer all the time I just wasted is still worth it even if I get kicked out of grad school. Someone go back and punch me for not writing something better about lesbians in Spepe's yearbook...... still laughing