Monday, September 29, 2008

The Dreaded List

It's a list in addition to the other five liststhat I have tucked away in my purse,clipped on the fridgeor lost in an old notebook somewhere.

It's a Things To Do List.And it just keeps getting bigger...

You know, I am really quite content withthe way my house looks most times.I ignore the dog hair under the kitchen table,the toothpaste splatters on the bathroom mirror,the single wispy cobweb that has waved likea dusty flag over the hallway for months now.

But, I am trying to get ready for company thatis arriving in a few weeks.I am desperately trying to see my housethrough their eyes.

Do you think they'll notice the pileof old magazines in the bathroom,the crayon marks on the closet door,the layer of dust on my picture frames,or the crumbs in my silverware drawer?

Do you think they will smell yesterday's trash,survey the pantryor check the hand towels for fabric softener?Will they see the baited mouse trap,the dead fly,the dirty windows?

It is all so overwhelming at this point.And the problem is,I don't really want to do any morethan is necessary.

I am certainly not going to clean the oven,wax the car,or paint the junk room.

But I do need to mop, dust, vacuum,wash rugs, sheets, curtains...Scrub the toilet, the counters,and the fridge.

I would rather scour the toilet bowlthan open Tupperware bowlsfull of unknown substances.I would rather get on my hands and kneesto rid the tub of soap scumthan to sort through jars of salad dressingand pickles and old jelly.

I try to be thrifty and save leftovers.But they always seem to get pushed to theback of the fridge.I have had quite a science lessonfrom them, actually.Week old chili grows white mold,aged cheese grows green moldand cottage cheese kept beyond the sell datewill sprout black mold.

If kept long enough,fresh carrots will wilt into dead fingers,green peppers will melt into pulp,and old apples will bounce.

I see all of you making faces-looking disgusted and nauseated.But unless you are suffering fromObsessive/Compulsive Disorder-I know you all have faced thesame dreaded refrigerator episodethat I've described.Face it.

The refrigerator is my top priority nowbecause I know that everyonewho reads thisand is coming to visit soon-will be peeking into the fridgeto see if I've cleaned it.