Ross : Well, can’t you at least stall her a little? I’ll-I’ll go back to some of the places I went last night.

Rachel : All right, well how much time do you need?

Ross : Well how much time before she absolutely has to start getting ready?

Rachel : One hour.

Ross : Give me two.

Rachel : Then why do you ask?!

(They all go into the hallway.)

Ross : Okay, wish me luck.

Phoebe : Okay. I’m going with you.

Ross : Why?!

Phoebe : Ross, you’re tired. You’ve been looking all night. And clearly you suck at this.

Rachel : All right, I’ll see you guys later.

Phoebe : Okay. Wait, do you know how you’re going to stall her?

Rachel : I’ll figure something out.

Phoebe : All right. Good luck.

Rachel : Thanks.

(Phoebe and Ross go to look for Chandler and Rachel enters Monica and Chandler’s.)

Monica : Hey! Okay, so I thought we’d start with my make up and then do my hair.

Rachel : Okay uh, but before you do that. I-I, I need you to talk to me.

Monica : About what?

Rachel : Umm… I’m never gonna getting married!

Monica : Yeah you will! The right guy is just around the corner! Okay, are we done with that?

Rachel : No Monica! I’m serious! Oh, maybe I should just forget about it. Become a lesbian or something.

Monica : Any woman would be lucky to have ya.

Rachel : Well maybe it would make me feel better if I slept with Joey.

Monica : (jumping up) Rachel! You okay?

[Scene: The Movie Set, Joey is reporting for work.]

Joey : Excuse me, Aaron? (The director turns around.) Hi! Umm, I have a little problem with the schedules. Originally, I wasn’t supposed to work today, and I have this wedding that I really have to be at. It’s my best friend’s, and I’m officiating so I really can’t work past four.

The Director : Joey, you gotta stay until the end. We can’t stop filming just for you. It’s not like it’s your wedding. (Starts to walk away.)

Joey : I’m having surgery!

The Director : What?!

Joey : Yeah, I-I just made up the stuff about the wedding because I didn’t want you to worry about me. But, I’m having surgery today.

The Director : What kind of surgery?!

Joey : Transplant.

The Director : But you’re supposed to work on Monday.

Joey : Hair transplant.

The Director : But you’re not bald.

Joey : It’s not on my head.

The Director : Look Joey, there’s nothing I can do. Besides, you’re probably gonna be out by four anyway. We’ve just got one short scene. It’s just you and Richard, and God knows he’s a pro. You’ll be fine. (Walks away and sees Richard entering.) Morning Richard.

Chandler : Because if I go home, we’re gonna become the Bings! I can’t be the Bings!

Ross : What’s wrong with being the Bings?

Chandler : The Bings have horrible marriages! They yell. They fight. And they use the pool boy as a pawn in their sexual games!

Ross : Chandler, have you ever put on a black cocktail dress and asked me up to your hotel room?

Chandler : No.

Ross : Then you are neither of your parents!

Chandler : It’s not just their marriage! I mean, look at yours. Look at everybody’s! The only person that can make marriage work is Paul Newman! And I’ve met me; I am not Paul Newman. I don’t race cars! I don’t make popcorn! None of my proceeds go to charity.

Phoebe : But look Chandler, right now, no one has a lower opinion of you than I do. But I totally believe you can do this.

Chandler : I want to. I love her so much, but I’m afr…It’s too huge.

Ross : Y’know, okay. You’re right. It is huge. So why don’t we take it just a little bit at a time? Okay? Umm, forget getting married for a sec; just forget about it. Can you just come home and take a shower?

Chandler : Well yeah, but then…

Ross : (interrupting him) Yeah—No-but-but-but-but! We’re just gonna go home and take a shower. Now, that’s not scary right?

Chandler : Depends on what you mean by we.

[Scene: Monica and Chandler’s, Rachel is still trying to stall Monica.]

Rachel : The nights are the hardest. (Checks her watch.) But then the day comes! And that’s every bit as hard as the night. And then the night comes again…

Monica : (interrupting) The days and nights are hard! I get it! Okay? Look umm, Rachel I’m sorry! I have to start getting ready! I’m getting married today!

Rachel : I know. At dusk. That’s such a hard time for me.

Monica : (getting up) I’m gonna go put my make up on, we have to be at the hotel in an hour! (Starts for the bathroom.)

Rachel : Okay. But wait!

Monica : What?!

Rachel : Let’s go to lunch.

Monica : I can’t go to lunch!!

Rachel : Right.

(Monica goes into the bathroom and Rachel thinks quickly.)

Rachel : Oh good God! I’ve fallen down! (She trips and falls.)

Monica : (entering) What’s going on?

Rachel : Okay. All right. (Gets up.) Honey listen. When I tell you what I’m about to tell you, I need you to remember that we are all here for you and that we love you.

Monica : Okay, you’re-you’re really freaking me out.

Rachel : We can’t find Chandler…(Phoebe sticks her head and motions that they found Chandler)—‘s vest. We can’t find Chandler’s vest.

Monica : How can that be?! Oh wait! Wait! Are you, are you serious?!

Phoebe : (entering) Found the vest! I mean we’re gonna have to keep an eye on it, y’know make sure we don’t lose it again…

Rachel : Oh!

Monica : Oh wow! Okay. Don’t scare me like that okay? I mean for a minute there I was like, “Oh my God! The worst has happened!”

(Monica goes into the bathroom and Phoebe and Rachel breathe a sigh of relief.)

[Scene: The Movie Set, Joey and Richard are in the middle of a scene. They are both holding swords.]

Joey : I would sooner die in this hellhole then see her back with you!

Richard : That can be arranged.

(Richard thrusts, misses Joey by several feet and Joey screams in pain and drops to his knees.)

Rachel : Well Phoebe, we gotta do something! (They turn the corner.) Well, y’know. I mean there’s no way Joey’s gonna make it in time. So I’m gonna through the hotel and see if there’s any other weddings going on.

(They head in separate directions and Chandler emerges and he’s so shocked that his cigarette is hanging from his lip.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: The Hotel, Rachel is walking through the ballroom area and comes upon the sign for the Anastassakis/Papasifakis wedding.]

Rachel : Anastassakis/Papasifakis wedding, excellent! {It’s a good thing Jennifer Aniston is Greek, because she had to pronounce those names. Luckily for me, they were written on a sign.}(The happy couple emerges.) Congratulations. (To the best man and maid of honor) Mazel Tov! (The Priest emerges.) Hi! Oh, great hat. (He’s wearing an interesting hat and she takes him over to talk.) Listen umm, I need you to perform another wedding. Can you do that?

Chandler : Well I was! Then I went down to the gift shop because I was out of cigarettes…

Phoebe and Ross : Cigarettes?!!

Chandler : Big picture please! So I was in the gift shop, and that’s when I uh, saw this. (He holds up a little, tiny baby jumper that reads I (heart) New York.) Yeah, y’know what? I thought anything that can fit into this, can’t be scary.

Phoebe : Well you obviously didn’t see Chucky 3.

Chandler : But come on, look at how cute and small this is! So I got it to give Monica so she’d know I was okay.

Ross : Dude. (Hugs him.)

(Mr. Geller turns the corner.)

Mr. Geller : Way to go son! I knew you’d find him!

[Scene: The moment we waited for has finally arrived. It’s time for Monica and Chandler’s wedding. We’ve got violins playing Every Breath You Take, we’ve got guests seated, and Chandler starts walking down the aisle with his parents on either arm.]

Mr. Bing : Our little boy is getting married.

Mrs. Bing : Oh look at you! So handsome!

Chandler : You look beautiful mom. (His dad clears his throat.) You look beautiful too dad. I love you both. (He kisses his dad on the cheek) I’m so glad you here. (He kisses his mom.)

(He walks up onto the altar and notices the Priest.)

The Priest : Are you Chandler?

Chandler : Are you Joey?

(Ross walks down the aisle with Phoebe and Rachel on his arms.)

Ross : Huh. This is nice.

Phoebe : What?

Ross : I’ve never walked down the aisle knowing it can’t end in divorce.

(Finally, Monica with her parents on her arms start down the aisle.)

Mrs. Geller : Oh I wish you’re grandmother had lived to see this.

Monica : She’s right there.

Mrs. Geller : Not that old crow, my mother. (They stop and she kisses Monica on the cheek.) Congratulations darling.

Mr. Geller : I love you sweetheart. (He kisses her and they sit down.)

(Chandler steps off the altar to greet his bride-to-be.)

Chandler : You look beautiful. Is this new? (Her dress.)

Monica : Not now.

Chandler : Okay.

(They both step up onto the altar and she notices the Priest.)

Monica : (To Chandler) Who is this?

The Priest : I am Father Kalebasous.

Chandler : (in Monica’s ear) He’s Greek Orthodox.

Rachel : (leaning in) As are you…

The Priest : Let us begin. Dearly beloved…

Joey : (entering) That’s my line! (He walks up the aisle and to the Priest) I can take it from here, thanks. (To all) Dearly beloved, I’m sorry I’m a little late. You may be confused by this now, (He’s still in costume) but you won’t be Memorial Day weekend 2002. Well, let’s get started before the groom takes off again. Huh? (Monica is shocked and looks around.) We are gathered here today, to join this man and this woman in the bonds of holy matrimony. I’ve known Monica and Chandler for a long time, and I can not imagine two people more perfect for each other. And now, as I’ve left my notes in my dressing room. We shall proceed to the vows. Monica?

(She turns to get her vows from Rachel.)

Monica : (To Rachel) He took off?

Rachel : Go on! Go on. (She turns back to Chandler.)

Monica : Chandler, for so long I…I wondered if I would ever find my prince, my soul mate. Then three years ago, at another wedding I turned to a friend for comfort. And in stead, I found everything that I’d ever been looking for my whole life. And now…here we are…with our future before us…and I only want to spend it with you, my prince, my soul mate, my friend. Unless you don’t want to. You go!

Joey : Chandler?

(Ross leans in to give Chandler his vows.)

Chandler : (To Ross) No, that’s okay. (Ross nods and retreats.) Monica I thought this was going to be the most difficult thing I ever gonna had to do. But when I saw you walking down that aisle I realized how simple it was. I love you. Any surprises that come our way it’s okay, because I will always love you. You are the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. You wanna know if I’m sure? (He leans in and kisses her.)

Joey : You may not kiss the bride. So, I guess by the powers vested in my by the state of New York and the Internet guys, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Oh wait! Do you take each other?

Chandler : I do.

Monica : I do.

Joey : Yeah you do!

Ross : Rings?

Joey : Aw crap! Okay—uh…uh let’s-let’s do the rings.

(Chandler and Monica both turn, take the rings from Ross and Rachel respectively, and place them on each other’s fingers.)

Joey : We good? Yeah? Good? Once again, I pronounce you husband and wife. (To Chandler) Now kiss her again.

(They kiss and everyone applauds.)

Chandler : (To Monica) I love you. And I know about the baby.

Monica : What baby?

Chandler : Our baby.

Monica : We have a baby?

Chandler : Phoebe found your pregnancy test in the trash.

Monica : I didn’t take a pregnancy test.

Chandler : Then…who did?

[Cut to Phoebe and Rachel.]

Phoebe : Oh and they’re gonna have a baby.

Rachel : Uh-huh.

(The camera zooms in on Rachel who has a very worried and frightened look on her face and she slowly takes a deep breath.)

[Fade to black.]

Ending Credits

{Transcriber’s Note: There was no trailer for this episode. See you in season 8; which will start this fall.}