The time has come — you’re off work, your computer is all fired up and ready to deliver those Cyber Monday online shopping deals… or at least, you thought it was, but it won’t connect to the internet. No deals for you. That’s the experience many Time Warner Cable customers had last night, with many in the Midwest reporting widespread outages.

Internet service providers take your money and promise to send you speeding along an information superhighway, dangling the carrot of fast connection times to get your business. And according to an annual report card by the Federal Communications Commission, while Verizon and Cablevision are the leaders in providing advertised speeds, it seems most ISPs are getting better at being more consistent on delivering the goods as well.

United Kingdom Internet users won’t have to suddenly shut their eyes in shock when “accidentally” happening upon a pornographic web site, if the Prime Minister can figure out whether or not the government can just block all porn. For its citizens’ sakes, of course.

Pessimists see broadband internet subscriptions eventually shifting to a pay-per-gigabyte-usage model, much like what we’re seeing in the wireless realm. That may turn out to be accurate, but at least industry heavyweight Comcast isn’t yet shoving things in that direction. The company says it currently has no plans to move to a tiered billing system.

Rachel, who had recently moved, called AT&T for help with her DSL line, but was told she’d have to call a different number because her account originated in a different state. She’s discovered that her cell phone’s area code forces AT&T’s system to transfer her to the wrong customer service center.

In jumping from Comcast to AT&T for his internet service, J figured he was stepping up in the world of customer service. But he was actually switching over to a company that operated against the rules of capitalism. Try as he might, he could not get this phantom business to hook him up with service and take his money. For he was ordering service from a company that operated in… the Twilight Zone.

Robert wanted out of his Verizon FIOS contract when he made a move and made sure his new home was not in the coverage area. Despite his reasonable assumption that he would avoid an early termination fee, Verizon stuck him with an ETF specifically because he’s moving to a non-Verizon area.

“When AT&T provides broadband service by speed, it will do so in discrete, non-overlapping tiers,” Quinn said in written testimony. “We will strive to provide service within the speed tier purchased by the customer and, if we find that we are not providing service within the ordered speed tier, AT&T will take action either to bring the customer’s service within the ordered tier or give the customer an option to move to a different tier.”