Your Pet Loss Diaries

'Hilary & Suzy'

Coming to Terms

July 14, 2009

I spent the weekend in misery. Friday, July 10th was one week since I lost Suzy. It was a horrible day and an equally horrible night. I miss her so much that my chest caves everytime I walk into my door.

I got the call yesterday, July 13, 2009 that Suzy was ready to be picked up.

It was one of the hardest and easiest things to do. I knew that my Suzy was home at last. I knew that no matter what, she would always be home and I wouldn't have to "look" for her any longer.

I set up a memorial space for her. On one of my bedside tables sits her blanket (which was mine as a baby), neatly folded into a small square, a wonderful picture of Suzy, and now her urn is behind it. It's a cat statue urn, so you'd never know what it really was unless you asked. It's so beautiful, it's heart breaking.

I try to get through my times with the knowledge that Sybil is waiting for me at home, and I owe it to her to "keep it together" and make sure that she's not being ignored, but I find it so hard to remain inside once I get there.... It's like I'm so anxious to get home, and then once I'm there, I'm so anxious to get right back out. I sit outside, smoke and talk on the phone to people, all so I can avoid going back inside.

I know this is wrong. I know that I need to be able to provide companionship for Sybil, but at the same time I just miss Suzy so intensely, it's hard for me to even concentrate.