Jokeroo Immortal Super *Star* & all around NiceGuy

Just came across this thread again by accident or maybe it wasn't and need to read again. Many are saying that pain and depression are the leading cause of suicide. Well when my right leg was crushed and then needed a artificial knee joint put in I indured the pain that was some 44 years ago, moved to southern California because the doctors told me to seek warmer climite cause living in Wisconsin it really was getting worse.

Now some years later like only 20 living here is just ok and within the last 10 years and another right knee operation only 7 years ago put me in a wheelchair to get around. Knee will not bend and stuck at a 30 degree angle. I've asked a number of doctors if I could get another type put in to be able to walk they all said yes but my S.S. health in insurance always denies me. I Keep telling the doctor it is starting to hurt again like crazy and for f**k sake no pain medications either. To affarid to give me any and besides insurance will not cover the ones I need.

I still wake up some mornings screaming cause I get nervies leg pains in both legs thats due to the polio I got when I was 13 months old and the left leg had to work harder and became quit muscle bound and get hellaous charley horses sometimes I see my leg vains sticking out.

I don't think that I am depressed cause remain pretty active on the computer and stuff around the tiny appartment to keep busy, oh it's been a long long f**king 5 months now to get a replacement for my elec. chair and pretty much been house bound cause S.S. is still f**king me over on that too.

So that leads me to drinking to get to sleep. Oh and I buy Aleve PM too that is the only pain medication I have. So yea I am thinking about it again an that kinda worries me. Only thing now holding me back is I don't want my children growing up knowing that their father offed himself.

Guess Im staying this now is I want to hear some 'thataboy it'll get better' just don't see it coming soon.

Senior Member

Just came across this thread again by accident or maybe it wasn't and need to read again. Many are saying that pain and depression are the leading cause of suicide. Well when my right leg was crushed and then needed a artificial knee joint put in I indured the pain that was some 44 years ago, moved to southern California because the doctors told me to seek warmer climite cause living in Wisconsin it really was getting worse.

Now some years later like only 20 living here is just ok and within the last 10 years and another right knee operation only 7 years ago put me in a wheelchair to get around. Knee will not bend and stuck at a 30 degree angle. I've asked a number of doctors if I could get another type put in to be able to walk they all said yes but my S.S. health in insurance always denies me. I Keep telling the doctor it is starting to hurt again like crazy and for f**k sake no pain medications either. To affarid to give me any and besides insurance will not cover the ones I need.

I still wake up some mornings screaming cause I get nervies leg pains in both legs thats due to the polio I got when I was 13 months old and the left leg had to work harder and became quit muscle bound and get hellaous charley horses sometimes I see my leg vains sticking out.

I don't think that I am depressed cause remain pretty active on the computer and stuff around the tiny appartment to keep busy, oh it's been a long long f**king 5 months now to get a replacement for my elec. chair and pretty much been house bound cause S.S. is still f**king me over on that too.

So that leads me to drinking to get to sleep. Oh and I buy Aleve PM too that is the only pain medication I have. So yea I am thinking about it again an that kinda worries me. Only thing now holding me back is I don't want my children growing up knowing that their father offed himself.

Guess Im staying this now is I want to hear some 'thataboy it'll get better' just don't see it coming soon.

I am not going to say it's going to get better because we both know that's a load of crap. I will tell you my beliefs on suicide, as a woman who deals with those thoughts on a daily basis because of Mental Illness. I refuse to give in to them! Sure, life can be pure hell on a person but it can also be lovely bliss. And you are loved, by family, by friends, by those you may not even realize that care.

Think of this, this nightmare you are going through, the pain, the misery, and the unfairness of your life, do honestly believe that if you kill yourself, you will be released from all that agony? That's what stops me. I believe that we take our emotions, all of them, with us when we pass from this world and I for one will be taking all the happy memories with me along with my memories of the fight to get well. I will go with a smile on my face, knowing that I didn't give in to a whim and I didn't put my loved ones through a nightmare that suicide causes.

Administrator

I have, for quite awhile now, felt like you (Steven) need an advocate
somebody who has the strength and the resources to fight with you and for you
California has CARA, here is a link to their web site:

you don't have to take no for an answer, perhaps just that simple knowledge will give you hope
maybe checking into ways to make your life better will give you something else to focus on
all I ask is that you just give it a try, I love you

Jokeroo Immortal Super *Star* & all around NiceGuy

Yes I did write a message to the link Squirt gave me CARIE - Aging Advocacynow waiting for their reply but guess it's just like any other agency or if it's a goverment one it'll take 3 months for the reply.

Senior Member

Yes I did write a message to the link Squirt gave me CARIE - Aging Advocacynow waiting for their reply but guess it's just like any other agency or if it's a goverment one it'll take 3 months for the reply.

Super Moderator

Once I used to think that if I had a self destruct button on my chest I'd press it
I now have an amazing job , amazing life, money in the bank, 8 Grandchildren
If I had that button now I'd rip it from my chest and throw it into the river
Instead of giving up,my advice would be forget the past and build a future

Jokeroo Enthusiast

everyone everywhere at one time or another has those thoughts..its what we do about them that counts
and you have made the right choice steven by seeking professional help
and so happy you made the right choice