Monday, October 27, 2008

Before I forget, last night I was tucking Lucas in and he said, "I wish underwear had pockets." (Oh, Lucas, you and every other man on the planet!) Meanwhile, he was trying to figure out if that thing on the front WAS a pocket or not. It sufficed, as he got his whole hand in there, but it's probably not a good place to store soda pop-tops or coins and rocks you pick up off the ground. I guess he'll figure that out.

This picture was after he got his Bobcat badge last week, where they made the parents turn the kids upside down for the warpaint application, as expressly forbidden in the Tiger Cub handbook. I felt like I was participating in a college hazing after that....I nearly turned myself in. It looks like being upside down for a while had some kind of effect on his brain, doesn't it?

Sunday, October 26, 2008

I didn't make it in to my usual church today. Do you think I missed anything? By the way, there were 4 dolphins who joined me in the congregation at the dock. I caught 3 in this picture - the 3rd one is far to the left. And the squawking pelican took away a little bit from the mourning doves - I think the choir director needs to work on that. But the sermon was most excellent - we had the Big Guy himself in the pulpit, wouldn't you say?

Jake had a very relaxing time at the beach, as you can tell by the photos. He likes just kicking back after a busy week and taking it easy. Oh, the peace and quiet out there lulls one into such a contemplative state. And there is so much for Jake to contemplate, like the pelicans, the cranes, those damn ducks that won't sit still for 2 seconds, and of course, the dolphins. He barks and barks, but they just swim on by and never stop in for a quick bite.

Of course, he didn't have on his Jimmy Buffett loungewear, but he was still wasting away. Come Monday.....back to the daily grind.....

We had an AWESOME weekend! Friday we met up with some old friends and their 2 daughters, the lovely Amy and Anna, who are 14 and 12. We had dinner with them first then drove separately to the bowling alley, and Lucas says in the car, "Those girls are just so pretty."

He was dancing non-stop at the bowling joint, despite it being 11 pm when we left. Could it have been wrong to let him have a root beer for dinner and that ice cream at 10 pm? Anyway, we also saw them Saturday, and when they left that afternoon a deep funk settled in. Lucas got tears in his eyes at dinner and said, "Do they ever eat at this restaurant?" Drew held himself together a little better, but he was obviously smitten, too. He said, "They're a lot older than I remember," with raised eyebrows.

Did I mention that Anna plays the electric guitar and Amy plays a bass, and they have their own amp? Hubba hubba!!!

Saturday, October 18, 2008

You can only watch your child go through a stomach virus for so many days before you lose it. Lucas is on his 6th day, and I'll spare you the gory details. Suffice it to say that immediately after eating his grilled cheese tonight, Lucas ran to the bathroom, whereupon Drew stated, "Now the wailing starts." Get the picture?

But I get ahead of myself. After wiping a tushy for the 5th time today (1st time was at 5:30AM, thank you very much), I was a bit snippy with everyone and so left the house in search of dinner and a breather. Despair was setting in, because I love Foosackly's but these kids don't, so what are you gonna get at a drive-thru? Then it hit me - MILO'S!!! Now these kids DO love Milo's when they can get it, which ain't much because Dean HATES Milo's. I think it's more the principle of it than the taste that he abhors, but my principle was the one buying dinner tonight, so I headed that way.

Now open up some car windows and get some Milo's and turn this song on and you'll get right, as Daddy used to say. This has been my favorite song for the past 3 months; just go down to "Play the song" and select how you want to play it, should you accept this mission. And I don't say that lightly, as this is a RELIGIOUS song and NOT for the faint of heart. No, you won't hear "Jesus" in it, but "mercy" and "grace" do make appearances and the name of it is "For Your Glory," for Heaven's sake! Ahhh.....a religious pun.....go girl!!! So, Scott and Dean (I know you're reading this), you should avoid this; but Mother and Tracey, do check it out. It's rocking and I've picked it out on the piano and you should hear Lucas sing it! Plus you can also dance to it - always important.

Needless to say, I walked back into the house a new woman, ready for more stomach cramps and wailing and skipping my Sunday school teaching gig to take somebody to the doctor tomorrow! Rock on!!!!

Lucas woke me up at 5 AM Friday morning because he had yet another bad dream. I walked him back to his room and he told me that dinosaurs and mummies had been chasing him. (Real good idea going in the Halloween store to buy decorations with the kids. They had a special section with a life-size mask-wearing, strait-jacketed Hannibal Lecter and other scary things, like the monster whose head lifted up to show you his brain. Real nice.)

Anyway, I tucked Lucas back in and said to think about great things like camping Friday night at the beach, and wouldn't he like his music on? So what would be the greatest song to be on the radio at that moment for a scared kid to listen to lying in the dark?

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Lucas shared with Mimi and myself tonight that when I was away at BOW last weekend, he dripped the tears he cried into the pencil sharpener I had given him from a previous trip to North Carolina. Drew said maybe that's why the pencil sharpener doesn't work anymore - it's rusted out. That Lucas is a con artist - when I asked him about it later, he said he was just joking. Although maybe con artist isn't the right word; just think about the lines he'll feed his wife about how much he missed her, etc. Romantic would be a better term I think.

Monday, October 13, 2008

THIS is actually the purpose of a bra in my book (or on my chest). Forget all that lift and separate crap, or that support nonsense. My bra creates and projects! And by that, I mean it creates the illusion of brestesses and projects the notion that I am indeed a woman and not just a very cute man.

I have to thank Victoria's Secret for this wonder of science. So much cheaper than a breast augmentation, and virtually pain-free, the only drawback is that they do come off at night, and sometimes I have to ask, "Has anybody seen my boobs? I laid them right here!" But I simply look for the most voluptuous piece of clothing in the laundry hamper and there they are!

Lucas has even put my bra on and declared that he had boobs, but I'm pretty sure all teenagers do that at some point.....oh, he's 6 - just seeing if you were paying attention!

Now, this last picture is what can go wrong with fake boobage. I walked out of a patient's room several years ago and looked down to discover that my stethoscope had landed between my bra and myself when I put it around my neck! I'm hoping the family just thought that I had a creative place to store my stethoscope, a shelf if you will; a stethoscope cozy, as it were. That was near the beginning of my journey on the road to full-figured womanhood, and lessons had to be learned. Ah, but those are stories for another day....

Now you tell me, but I think Jake would much rather waste away in Margaritaville than go look for buried treasure. But maybe he was just trying to strike a pirate-ly pose. Or maybe he was mad at the camera hogs on either side of him. But do please click on the picture and note the tiny hook for his left hand - you can't get cuter than that for only $4.08!

Sunday, October 12, 2008

We were getting ready for Sunday School this morning and Lucas walked into my bathroom, where I had on my skirt and was picking out a shirt. He asked me what "those 2 white things were," (indicating my bra cups I guess, as nothing else that might be very pale was visible). I said "that's my bra." He said, "What is that for anyway?"I said, "You know, it's to hold your boobs."He said, "But why do you need that? In case they're very long so they won't hang down like this and go boomba boomba boomba? Like that man we saw in Mimi's neighborhood who didn't have a shirt and his big belly was going boomba boomba boomba?"

Yes indeedy, to avoid the boomba boomba boomba; or in my case, the boomba boomba boomba.

Yesterday was one of those deliriously happy days that happen every once in a while. I wrapped work up in time to pick up the boys from school, picked up both my watches from the lady at Sears (who was not the least bit bitchy and even cut up with me a little - must've been the nice twin), got a new toy for Jakey, and best of all.....SOLD MORE POPCORN!!!

As soon as we walked in the house Lucas asked if we could, and when I said okay, he yelled "YESSSSSSS!!!" They put on their uniforms (don't forget the hat!) and headed out. Drew skateboarded down into the cul-de-sac to hit up the guy who brings his little daughter around selling Girl Scout cookies every year. May I point out that I always buy 2 boxes from the precious child, who is too young to deliver a sales pitch so her daddy has to do it? Yet the guy told Drew he was in a great rush and proceeded to lay out his busy schedule, then bought the cheapest popcorn available. Did I mention the guy's a doctor? Did I mention they have a 3-story house? But I guess to be fair, I should also mention that this popcorn is the most expensive popcorn known to man, so I'll shut up with the petty comments! But you know, next time he comes around I think I'll dispense with making conversation at his daughter and tell him how busy my afternoon is, etc.

Anyway, back to the deliriously happy day - Lucas reached his goal of $300 (Coleman headlight, come to Papa!), Drew made a sale so he gets a prize at next week's meeting, and I met a new neighbor with a lovely Canadian accent who was surprised at how much the boys look like each other. You know, that's what can happen when you have the same baby daddy.

After pushing popcorn on unsuspecting neighbors, we were having a lovely dinner at Macaroni Grill when Lucas regaled us with a story about his friend, George. It seems that George expelled a little gas, quite audibly in fact, but failed to excuse himself to the class. Everybody hunched up their shoulders and giggled behind their hands, according to Lucas, and Mrs. Jordan made a very funny face. Lucas describes it thusly:

"Wight befoa she laughs, her eyes squeeze up like this [eyes squinting], but she didn't laugh, she just made a face."

Dean laughed heartily at that description, so Lucas decided to go for broke and embellish the story a tad, as his mother is wont to do so often:

"And latuh on, when I walked by the closet, I heard her in there going like this, [snorting sounds]." We didn't buy it.

Lucas did tell us that he told George , "I can't believe you didn't even excuse yourself!" which proves that we have succeeded in beating manners into these boys!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Oh boy, it's that time of year again - Becoming an Outdoor Woman. Wake the kids...call the neighbors! No, no, tell the kids to quit cryin' and close the curtains 'cause the neighbors have done called the po-lice! This is some kind of fun - just look at Elizabeth shootin' that gun with Huggin' Bear! He tells nothing but bad dumb blonde jokes at the campfire on Saturday nights, so we've begun boycotting that in favor of drinking....uh, I mean visiting with our fellow roommates over key lime pie martinis. This year there'll be karaoke in the cabin - wonder if we can charge admission? Maybe extort some money from the other cabins just to shut up and go to bed? Much more likely!

And looky-here - I'm a poster girl for the website. My proudest moment. Mother's too....I'm sure. She was just too choked up to tell me. I know, Mom, I know.

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Psalm 23 for Sewists, by Dr. Fun

The Lord is my seamstress, I shall not rip. He makes my darts lie down without bubbling,he leads my zipper foot close to the coils, he restores my confidence.He guides me in paths of good fabric selection for his name's sake.Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of stretchy knits,I will fear no wavy seams, for you are with me;your Brother PC-420 and your walking foot, they comfort me.

You provide a tall cutting table before me in the presence of my backache.You anoint my sewing machine with oil; my fabric stash overflows.Surely sewing mojo and an automatic needle threader will follow me all the days of my life,and I will sew in the house of the Lord forever.