Monday, May 29, 2006

Although boyfriend number 2 doesn’t live in the UK, I chat to him fairly regularly on MSN. And recently, I was chatting to him about holidays. The big event in my life last year was the holiday we had together because that ended up triggering my relationship crisis with boyfriend number 1. However, as I said in the comments to a posting two months ago, I’m hoping to come to an arrangement with boyfriend number 1 so that I can sometimes go on holiday with boyfriend number 2. And as long as boyfriend number 2 hasn’t found a full time boyfriend, I’m sure he’d be happy to accompany me :-)

GB: I'll be a very lucky guy if I end up with a lovely bf in London, plus you as a lovely bf for holsbf#2: you know, some muslim men could marry up to four wivesGB: really?bf#2: yeah, provided he could care for them all equallyGB: that makes sensebf#2: And fairly. And the wives have to agree to itbf#2: which is what u're doing now!

Indeed, that’s definitely what I’m trying to do. And I do want to care for them all, treat them fairly, and get them all to agree to it.

That conversation got me thinking though. Boyfriend number 2 mentioned four wives! So how do I bring boyfriend number 3 into the picture? And who's going to be boyfriend number 4? As usual, it'll be fun doing the interviews!

18 comments:

hey there ;-)i first heard abt ure blog when a pal told me i HADTA check it out cuz u were sposedly very XXXplicit. hehehe, and of course i had to say GIMME THE URL!;-)explicit, though ure not - at least not overly so - but i like the candor and easy humour u so very clearly possess.am gonna be a regular here, bankerboy.hullo from bbay.

Hi closetalk, indeed I try to avoid being overly explicit. Actually I seem to have acquired a few readers from bbay recently :-). FYI the guy I call bf#3 is ethnically Indian (but British born). So far I've been to India twice (although there was no time to find any fun out there on either trip).

I've always considered that the concept of polyamory and polygamy has more to do with morality and culture than nature. I have also heard the suggestion that with longer life expectancy relationships are naturally more fluid, less permanent.

Well czechOUT, if you read one of my previous posts on this subject, you'll see that I make exactly that argument about flexible relationships and longer life expectancy. Where did you hear that suggestion (i.e. who's plagiarizing my ideas!)?

Just playing devil's advocate ... why should you be the one with 3 "wives" and not be one of someone else's 3 "wives"? ;o) But seriously, when part of a relationship (romantic/sexual) do you see yourself as the carer/provider? GB

I'm just starting to wrap my head around the concept of polyamory. I have a hard enough time managing (or being managed by, depending on perspective) one relationship. More than that, in terms of bona fide relationships, I'd probably go crazy.

I do enjoy the friends with benefits though. All the sex. None of the responsibility. Well, limited responsiblity, mostly in the playing safe dept.

I never said that I shouldn’t be one of someone elses three “wives” GB(D)! For example, what seems entirely feasible given the current situation would be for the guy I call boyfriend number 2 to get a permanent boyfriend in the city where he lives, but in such a way that we can be each other’s 2nd boyfriend for holidays.

Anyway thx for the comments everyone. But please remember that the guy I playfully call boyfriend number 2 isn't actually an offical second boyfriend. (Not yet anyway.) So although it's fascinating to think about polyamory, I don't think I'm going to get very far in practice.

a Sunday supplement sometime ago, and then again on a website about Gay relationships. It's bookmarked on my PC so I'll have to look it up when I'm on it. In the meantime I'll czech out your earlier posting...

ok, just had a quick read (I'm baking some canelloni and it's a crucial stage), and it wasn't your ideas I was espousing-phew! What I read was about how going back to Victorian times, and more importantly, values, life expectancy of male was what, late 50's? Maybe more, but just enough and a little more to see the children old enough to leave the nest, at which time the natural male function is at an end. After all it's to breed, hunt and protect, and then we're done.

These days we live longer. We outgrow our partners.

And nautrally, going back to caveman days, we want to seed and breed. Who dictated we should be monogamous? The mores of course.

Now I have to go, the smell of our canelloni is filling our flat in the most wonderful way! Mmm

Actually czechout, that's exactly what I meant when I said "[monogamy] worked well for heterosexual society when life expectancy was low, but in the modern world I think it’s unrealistic". I guess I just wasn't explicit enough, too many ideas in that posting! Anyway it's interesting to know that other people think like that too.

I'm a gay man, living in London UK. My blogging pen name is GB, which stands for Gay Banker.

Professionally, I'm an investment banker, which unfortunately is an occupation that's been rather out of favour with the general public in recent years. However, I like to think that I'm one of the good guys :-). I'm also an agony uncle. Please refer to my 'About me' page for more information.

Requests for advice welcome, but please be prepared for anonymous publication in the Dear GB category. Also please check the Dear GB archives in case any of the existing postings can help. Reader's stories also welcome. Note that any e-mails which are accidentally routed to the junk-mail folder will almost certainly get missed.