Tag Archives: traditions

It’s that special time of year when we all give thanks for 25% real unemployment, the never-ending recession and real-estate collapse, terrible schools, broken infrastructure, cops crushing the skulls of our lawfully protesting children, the scent of pepper spray in the air, a group of dangerous psychopaths running for one party’s nomination, and a bunch of mouth-breathing cretins sticking their hands up Granny’s hoo-ha at the airport. And that means we should all gather around the oven and watch Aunt Wonkette make its world-famous boozed-up cranberry sauce! Read more on Here’s the Famous Real Cranberry Business Recipe From Wonkette!…

Five million years ago yesterday, the Lord Jesus died for our sins and then came back to say howdy and then went away again. For this very special reason America’s First Lady is hosting an event at the White House, in which the children of the nation roll eggs down a hill and learn about ocean conservation.
Read more on Historic White House Easter Egg Roll Happening Right Now!!!…

George W. Bush pardoned a turkey in the White House Rose Garden today, upholding a very important 60-year tradition. The turkeys are called May and Flower because of a famous boat. From the White House they’ll head to that other bastion of American evil, Mickey’s Country House in Walt Disney World’s Magic Kingdom. They are expected to eat Mickey Mouse at some point in their lives. [CNN]
Read more on Bush Pardons Turkey, As Per Usual…