Attempting to be this so called.. "writer"

Hey guys, it’s Lexi! So I haven’t recapped “Once Upon a Time” before but I have watched it from the beginning and it has easily become my favorite show. This episode (1×13) in particular kind of made me have so many emotions that I had to vent on something more than twitter … and to my mom. She watches with me every week. She has such great commentary during the show, it makes my day.

Okay and here we go. (I’m rewatching while typing. Kaboom)

So this week it starts off with a flashback … (er flash-worlds?) to fairytale land it shows Abigail heading to her wedding and we find out that Evil adoptive King Daddy is going to kill James because he ran away and didn’t want to marry Abigail. Smart man. Cue Josh Dallas riding off into the woods on a horse. He’s so attractive on a horse you guys I can barely contain myself and not tweet Dallas himself during the show saying how pretty he is (and that we should get married and talk about ponies.)

After Charming escapes the evil guards someone else attacks him and puts a sack over his head. I bet he’s thinking “Why me?”

First his woman “Doesn’t want him anymore and never loved him.” Then his adoptive father is like “I Kill you if you don’t married Abigail…” Then he had to leave his momma. Let me hug you, dude.

Flashback to Modern day and David and Kathryn are eating dinner. My hate for the lady is really high because I she does something mean in a little bit. We’ll get to that later. Anyway while at dinner Kathryn mentions that she applied to law school and got in. He asks why she never told him. Cue moms commentary:

Mom: maybe she never told you because you were in a coma?! DUH.

Had to add this. Pause it on my tv and then this happened. 😉

Kathryn was afraid that she couldn’t get into law school and she got an acceptance letter. Yay for you, Kathryn. No one likes you still. David mentions that it’s in Boston and Kathryn just wants to make new memories and have a fresh start. She sucks the fun out of everything.

(Please just go be a cat lady.)

Back in fairytale land, Charming gets all brave and is like: “If you’re going to kill me, at least im prettier than you.”

Right before Charming is stabbed, Abigail appears and I actually like her. Sorta, maybe, not.

Abigail tells Charming that she doesn’t want to harm Charming and she’s going to help him escape and that she knows he loves Snow White, not her. I like this version of Abigail (down with Kathryn) she’s got spunk. I hate whiny ladies that find their man after a coma, and show them pictures of their little (I’m pretty sure dead) dog Ajax.

Back to Modern world, David texts Mary Margaret saying they need to talk and take a moonlit stroll down the town streets and make-out more.

MM told David that they finally need to tell Abigail that him and Mary Margaret want to be together (because her love lifts him up where he belongs and that she’s the reason he lives.)MM:“If we can’t be honest with her, how can we be honest with each other?”

Mom: this happened yesterday in the movie with her. She always picks the dumb guys who are taken.

David and Mary Margaret make more lovely eyes at each other and agree that he will tell Kathryn about what’s been going on and that he doesn’t want to be with her anymore. FINALLY. Then David tells Mary Margaret he chooses her. *swoon*

Later, we see Emma headed off to the diner to meet Mary Margaret and mystery motorcycle writer man who is an obvious “not that hot, but kind of cute replacement for Graham” hits on Emma for like the 1oth time and is like:

“I really want to have a drink wiff you… be my gurlfwiend?”

Emma who is the smart one out of the group worries about how biker man could be an axe murderer and she doesn’t even know his name. He claims that his name is August W. Booth. Will this be significant in the future? I hope, because it’s weird. Yeah I discriminate against weird character names. He doesn’t look like an August. PS: The W. stands for Wayne.

Emma sits down with Mary Margaret and they have a (little mother-daughter) best friend time. MM is curious about August and Emma tells MM that it’s nothing.MM: “Nothing with you means something, because if it were nothing, we wouldn’t be talking about it.”

I genuinely LOVE when Mary Margaret’s Snow White side shows. Or how similar her and Emma are. I really just want them to realize they’re mother and daughter and have a nice long cry. UGH.

Anyway Emma asks MM what she wanted to talk to her about. MM tells Emma that she couldn’t stay away from David and Emma knows that she didn’t. MM is shocked.

Emma: “Because I am a sheriff and you’re a lovesick school teacher.”

Mary Margaret: I’ve been discreet.

Emma: Two teacups in the sink? New perfume? The late nights? Plunging necklines?

Mary Margaret: Plunging?

Emma: When I met you, you were a top button girl.

Did I mention how adorable Mary Margaret is?

Later, David goes home and tells Kathryn that he doesn’t want to be with her or go to Boston. CLEARLY leaving out the part where he’s been making out on picnic date’s with Mary Margaret by the river and making out in alley ways.

“You’re right, you need a fresh start. Just not with me.”

Cue flashback scene.

JOSH DALLAS ON A HORSE. God Bless this show.

After Abigail gets Charming to safety, he asks her why she’s showing him any kindness, if she has no feelings for him. She says that it’s not about him. It’s about her. Ooh upfront and sassy. Yeah, I like Abigail. She can stay. She says that she hoped that she could reunite Charming with Snow and that would give her some consolation because the man that she loved sacrificed himself to save her father. Charming tells her that Snow White does not love him and he can’t fight for something that doesn’t exist.

NO CHARMING! SWEETIE, GO FIND YOUR WOMAN. SHE LOVES YOUUUUU.

Later Abigail shows Charming the monument and the statue of her fiancé. Charming comments on how the statue is almost life like. Abigail says that it’s as life like as it gets because that IS her man in there. I quickly think that, that’s really going to smell in a few days. But Abigail says that when he saved her father Midas, he was turned to gold. Everything Midas touches, turn to gold. The only way that he can be un…golded and alive is if Charming goes to Lake Nostos, where the water can return something to you that was lost, he can save Abigail’s fiancé. But of course a siren is guarding the lake and everyone that’s been there has been killed by her. Wonderful.

Charming: “None have my fearless bravery.”

He’s cute and adorable when being all determined.

Cue modern day scene where Mr. August W Booth is doing something to Henry’s book. GIVE THE CHILD HIS BOOK BACK. DON’T MESS WITH MY HENRY. I thought he was cleaning off the book but my mom mentioned he might be changing the storyline. NOT GOOD. I hope this guy is good. Because Regina doesn’t like him and seems a little put off by him. One point for August Booth.

Regina gives Henry a little game that looks like it from 1985 and it has pacman on it. She tells him she hopes it cheers him up since he lost the “LIFE: a storybook of how my adoptive mom killed my grandpa, won’t let me hang out with mom, my grandma is Snow White and no one knows their real identities.”

Also, Regina gives really awkward hugs. Regina is the equivalent of Voldemort. They’re evil; both inadequately loved and have magic. Either way, watching them give hugs is painful.

During awkward hug with evil mommy, Kathryn comes barging in crying. Regina, nice as she is tells Kathryn, that David and Mary Margaret are having an affair. Truthfully as much as Regina is evil, I’m 99% sure she thought Abigail knew they were having an affair.. till she went an told her. Just my opinion. But seeing as how nice Regina is, she had pictures of MM & David on their cute little dates and Kathryn flips and goes to the school where MM is.

David calls MM telling her that he told Abigail about them being together and MM just looks all happy and smiley. Too bad trouble is coming. All of a sudden Abigail pops up at the school and slaps Mary Margaret. SHE SLAPS HER. IN A SCHOOL. WITH CHILDREN. THAT WOMAN. Abigail says that David did not tell Mary Margaret everything. So he lied to her as well. Abigail says that they were made for each other. Well, YEAH lady. Spot on.

Also: SHE SLAPPED Mary Margaret. THAT’S JUST SO IMMORAL. She is made up of rainbow, magic, and unicorns. I hate Abigail.

Back in the land of pretty princess’ and men on horses:

Charming heads off the lake determined to kill the monster. When Charming calls to the beast to come out in fight, it’s a pretty little lady but EVILLLL because she’s a siren that can easily kill him. Can we take a moment and ask why Charming’s shirt is not off? It’s a lake. You can take you shirt off man. NOW, NOW WOULD BE GOOD.

The siren appears and says that she can give whatever the person desires and suddenly she turns into Snow White. He is quickly compelled by the siren and they start making out and I’m just like: al$**#)_!3o#EOG#OING@*I@R)@)

Who cares, if it’s a fake Snow White?

Finally Charming, not sold on the fake Snow’s “I love you.” He is the first to ever fight off being sired and killed. (Hate the word “sired” for many reasons.)

Well, then siren lady doesn’t like the whole, “YOU AREN’T MAH WOMAN.” And she body slams him into the water and tries to kill him. Quick thinking he finds a knife and kills the siren, succeeding and not dying.

Back in modern day, August finally gets Emma to go on “ a date” with him and they go to a part of the woods where there is a well with water of “magical properties”. Emma is kind of attracted to writer motorcycle man and I DO NOT approve. REMEMER GRAHAM, Emma?

Later, August then pushes her into the well and carries on his serial killer tendencies.

As Mary Margaret is walking through town, everyone is looking at her, giving her looks. Mary Margaret accidentally bumps into the little old lady, Ruby’s mom, (who I think if the writers feel like it could be she cou- DUDE SHES THE OLD LADY THAT GETS EATEN BY THE WOLF IN LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD. OOF! I am writing this at 1 in the morning, okay?

Anyway, Old woman tells MM that she should be ashamed of herself, referring to her and David going behind Abigail’s back. Listen, lady no one likes Abigail anyway okay? Then Mary Margaret starts crying. NOT COOL OLD WOMAN. Too much crying in tonight’s episode.

Mary Margaret walks by David and I’m assuming it’s her car? Look, your boyfriend is cleaning your newly “tramp” spray painted car MM!! That’s love. MM tells him that she lied and that they can’t be together. And David said he didn’t want anyone to get hurt. Mary Margaret says it’s too late and that everyone is hurt now. BAD DAVID, BAD.

It’s okay, we still love you. Major flaws and all.

MM: ”What we have is destructive and has to stop…” Cue more crying.

As Emma is heading back to her cute little yellow car, she sees Henry’s box where he kept the story book and pulls it out and then we see August hiding behind a corner making sure Emma gets the book. I HOPE HE ISN’T EVIL…

Kathryn goes back to Regina’s office and apologizes for flipping out and being mean. She tells Regina that she wrote David and MM that she wrote them both letters saying sorry and that she understands everything now and that David never looks at her like he does at MM and she decided to move to Boston, alone. Regina gives her a hug and then her EVILL face turns on.

Flashback to Abigail and Charming; He brings her the magic lake water and pours it all over her fiancé. Before I found out who was under the armor, I guess that it was going to be August but it wasn’t. it was the guy that Kathryn smacked into on her way to slap MM. Interesting.

Charming: “Love isn’t easy, it must be fought for.”

Charming says that he’s going to go find Snow White and be wiff her forever. *tears!*

Off in modern day we see with her keychain with a million keys, with skulls might I add, (how heavy is that thing?) and ALSO Regina has a key to mostly every house. Comforting. She goes into Kathryn’s house and burns the letter that Kathryn left for David. So does Regina burn MM’s letter too?

Emma goes to visit Henry because evil jerk of a person forbid Emma and Henry for seeing each other. THAT’S HIS MOMMY, YOU JERK.

Anyway, Emma surprises Henry with his book, and I’m just all gushy from this scene. I’m still waiting for Henry to call Emma “Mommy, Mom, or Momma.” I thought he said Momma last week and I just sat there hugging my cat. I also would love to see her hug Henry. These are my expectations, writers. MAKE IT HAPPEN.

Back in fairytale land, Charming goes to find Snow and he finds from Red (Riding Hood) out that Snow White isn’t there, because she went to find him. When Charming finds out that Snow actually DOES love him and says he will always find her. The kings men find Charming and try to kill him. Red gets on the horse with Charming and they ride away to find Snow.

Mom: Hey. Good thinking! He’s smart! She’s sitting behind him on the horse. If they shoot at him him, she’ll die! Not him.

I’d also like to say that I LOVE Meghan Ory. She’s totally underappreciated. Plus as Ruby she doesn’t really get to shine. But I LOVE her as Little Red Riding Hood. She’s super awesome and pretty.

In modern day, MM is mouring the loss over her hot, slightly stupid, kinda, sorta, not really, boyfriend (HUSBAND.)

This is also a mushy lovely moment for me. I love seeing Ginny and Jen work together. And then Emma and MM together all I can think is: “THAT’S YOUR DAUGHTER YOU NEVER GOT A CHANCE TO KEEP. THAT’S YOUR MOMMY, EMMA.”

Yeah. These are my thoughts during the show. Not: OMG! Poor Mary Margaret. Also, would it have hurt Emma to hug MM? I’m sorry, I’m a huge hugger. It shows, doesn’t it?

Finally we see Kathryn heading to Boston, which we all know isn’t going to happen because no one leaves Storybrooke. I was hoping for like a stabbing or something. I’m not crazy. Really. But it’s regina. She set poisonous snakes on her fairyland husband, STABBED HER FATHER, had guards kill Charming, KILLED MY GRAHAM BY CRUSHING HIS HEART (with her bare hands). Get my point?

Anyway Kathryn’s fairytale fiancé sees that Kathryn wrecked her car and goes to see if she’s okay and finds out that she’s not in the car. Then it flashes over to Lana Parrilla giving the screen a creepy stare. BOOM. The end. I … we, have to wait two weeks till OUAT comes back on and I’m truly annoyed. I’m tired of hiatus’. I watch too much tv.

Anyway:

What do we think happened to Kathryn?

Will MM and David EVER get to be together?

Will MM, D, and Emma all realize they’re family?

Will Charming finally get to Snow?

Hope you guys enjoyed this. I feel so much better I put my thoughts out there and had more than 140 character to write with.

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Fabulous recap is fabulous! Regina probably had her goons take Kathryn. That wretched, Regina! Let me go at her with a tennis racquet! In fact, a good ‘ol fashion slap to the face with bare hands is deserving! hahah Uh dude. Mary Margaret and David do have together. C’mon man! Imma be so happy the day David, Mary Margaret, Emma and Henry all officially recognize each other as family.

Julie, Emma needs to punch Regina again. (About seven thousand times!) 😉 If Regina wasn’t so important and a key role in the show, i’d start a riot on twitter saying “DOWN WITH REGINA!” hehe.
Thanks for reading it! ❤

I enjoyed your commentary! I love the show too!! Did you mention and I just missed it….what the heck was mystery August Wayne dude doing to the book? Has he changed the story? Did he just copy it? Is he good or evil???? You know how he was developing it like pictures from a camera???? I need your input on this right away!!