The other day my sister and I were in the car, and she was driving. I was reading Psalm 115. Verses 3-8 stood out to me as I thought about how, for years, I’d idolized numbers, whether it be calories, miles run, minutes exercised, steps walked, or the number on the scale. It made me think of how by God’s POWER and work in me, I am letting go of counting, of idolizing those numbers that defined me so for many years.

But our God is in the heavens: he hath done whatsoever he hath pleased. Their idols are silver and gold, the work of men’s hands They have mouths, but they speak not: eyes have they, but they see not. They have ears, but they hear not: noses have they, but they smell not: They have hands, but they handle not: feet have they, but they walk not: neither speak they through their throat. They that make them are like unto them; so is every one that trusteth in them.’

Reading thee verses made me think of how much I relied, how much I am tempted to rely on these idols that are powerless. They’re powerless to save me. They’re powerless to deliver my soul. But the Psalm goes on to describe the power of Him who is ABLE!

Verses 9-12 describe Who is our help and shield, ‘O Israel, trust thou in the Lord: he is their help and their shield. O house of Aaron, trust in the Lord: he is their help and their shield. Ye that fear the Lord, trust in the Lord: he is their help and their shield. The Lord hath been mindful of us: he will bless us; he will bless the house of Israel; he will bless the house of Aaron.’

It’s the Lord. The calories I eat can’t save me. They nourish me, but they don’t save my soul. The exercise I do can be fun or it can be damaging, but the Lord is GOOD to all those who wait upon Him; He is a MIGHTY Savior to powerless people like me.

Numbers were a HUGE obsession for me just one year ago. I counted steps from time to time. Calories were still a HUGE part of my life, while now, they are starting to be less important to me.

When I was on the trip to Europe I noticed something. My phone counts steps, and every day I was obsessed with getting in enough steps. It was hard to resist the desire to just move more because I didn’t get enough steps. So I found a way to turn off the step counter, and it was freeing. It was freeing, and it made so much more time for

Smelling and taking in all the beautiful sights and sounds

Being With My Sisters and Being More Present

Worshipping God Instead of Worshipping Numbers

Realizing Just How Jesus SETS me Free From These Idols, How He is Enabling Me To LET Go of Them

For years it felt like I was in a stagnant place when it came to my obsession, my idolatry over numbers. I would get on the scale so many times per day but Sarah from Creating Better Tomorrow (who doesn’t blog anymore) was a HUGE influence in me letting go of the scale.

Then there was the step counts and the miles run. Those were huge ones for me. I would often just ‘run extra’ just to burn more calories. And a friend and sister in the Lord on Instagram was the person who really got me thinking about why I was doing it. I wasn’t doing it for the right reason.

Now I’m not saying that everybody who counts steps or miles is wrong, because I think MANY people have the right motivation, but I didn’t. Mollie really made me think about it when she shared that she stopped using her Fitbit. Another Instagrammer named, Brooke, made me think about why I was using it, and I had to let go.

That was another step to freedom.

Jesus sets captives free. I’m convinced that full and HOPEFUL recovery is only possible in Jesus Christ, because He sets the soul free. No human being can set a soul free, and Jesus is setting me FREE! I’m realizing that freedom everyday, and I know that the last idol here is:

Calories.

I’m writing these things to stay accountable. Intuitive eating is not easy for me. It’s tough, rough. I used to be an intuitive eater, but the ‘letting go’ of calories is not easy. The idol is big, but Jesus Christ is the Lord and Savior, and I can’t worship calories more than I love Jesus.

I am going to fight this idol, and I know that I will fall and stumble, but I know that when I cry out to the Lord He will deliver me and enable me.

It’s only through Him.

So here’s to letting go of those numbers, letting go of those obsessions, those idols, because growing closer to Jesus is so much sweeter than knowing the number of calories I eat each day.

Ok:

Anybody else have numbers that were REALLY hard for them to let go of?

Are you still letting of numbers/obsessions in your life?

When you let go of certain numbers, did you realize it made room for other things?

Before you think this title is weird, let me explain. I don’t have allergies, but other people’s allergies have taught me a great deal. That’s why I wanted to cover this on today’s WIAW, because so many of the foodies I love and respect link-up here. Thank you Arman and Laura for always hosting/hostessing!

I hope that I can give a shout out of gratefulness for ALL the bloggers and all the work they do on recipe development and allergy awareness. Every blogger I know, whether or not they have allergies, is constantly making an effort to support those who do. And this post is about all the things they have taught me.

I used to be very judgmental about allergies. I’m sad to admit that, but it’s freeing to say that and then to share how God has changed and worked on my spirit in the past 2 years of blogging.

Numbers. They are one of the most obsessive things you will encounter in the face of an ED. They made me utterly miserable. In recovery, I have had to almost completely shut out many of those exercise and food related numbers because they are so unhelpful for me. I love numbers, a little too much, and this spilled over into the way I approached eating and exercise for a long time.

It started with 20 minutes on the bike. That was innocent. Then it became a good feeling that I depended on, and I kept going. It became more than a fun activity. It morphed into a binding obsession.

A bike wasn’t a fun way to spend an afternoon anymore. It was a means of burning calories, exercising off ‘food’, and becoming ‘fit.’

Then I started running… Now that I look back I began to see how big of an idol, a chain that exercise was in my life. Running wasn’t so much a way to explore as a way to run off any stress of a meal I had eaten or burn extra calories. I was glued to my watch or to mapping out my run just to make sure I had ‘run enough miles.’

I couldn’t and wouldn’t even stop on a run for fear of ‘losing some calorie burn.’ My mind was just so wrapped in the numbers, that I couldn’t even stop to throw snow in the air and smell the roses… If I was running with someone, and they had to stop, I wouldn’t just stop. I’d dance in place or keep running and turn around to come back them, just to keep the calorie burn going.

Food was more than just nutrition and fuel for my body. It was calories, numbers to be calculated in my head. I quickly found, that when you only think about food and how many calories you’re supposed to eat for the day, it is one of the most miserable states of mind that I have ever experienced. Food is not fulfilling. God gave me good food to eat, to fuel my body, to infuse my body with energy. I made it into a chain. I hated the thought of eating because it consumed my thoughts, and yet I couldn’t get away from it.

Yet, I think back, and I can truly say that my life today is the fruit of so many answered prayers. I remember sitting on my bed so many nights sobbing to myself and thinking, ‘I just can’t do this, but I can’t help it either.’ I cried so many tears over 4 numbers on a scale, over the numbers on the back of a cereal box.

I am so grateful that God has and is bringing me out of this day by day. Some days are harder than others. There were times when I thought to myself, ‘Will it always be this way?’ Four years later, I am reminded that God never forsakes His children. The journey to recovery, to healing was and has been in so many little steps, hour by hour. It was in:

My dad sitting me down and telling me that this food and exercise idol was taking over my life.

My sister asking me if I was worrying too much about what I ate.

That twinge of guilt when I told my sister I didn’t want to taste the cookie dough (even though I did)…

That realization that whatever the numbers were on the scale it never changed me. It didn’t change my personality, my gifts, and my passions for who God had created me to be.

Being miserable at a restaurant because all I could do was count calories in my head and not enjoy laughing with my family instead.

It’s the little things that bring about recovery. It’s the day to day. It’s the hour by hour shutting out the cries of the media to ‘be thin’ and the advertisements for a ‘bikini body.’ It’s shutting off that tab in your computer that just isn’t helpful. It’s turning that cereal box around so you can’t see the calorie count. These may seem so little, but these are what set me on the road, the road from which I’m never looking back. They are what are setting me on the road to freedom…

‘One day at a time sweet Jesus, that’s all that I’m asking from you…’ He is sufficient to carry all our burdens, for He has paid the price, that we might live in freedom to follow Him!

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Good morning! 😉 I have a rather weighty subject to begin my ‘Thinking out Loud’ post today with, and I’m thankful that Amanda lets us share random thoughts on Thursdays with others. 🙂

Before I share a recap of my week in thoughts and pictures, I want to delve a bit into one of the biggest, worst habits that I incurred after becoming obsessed with eating and exercise. This habit? It was calorie counting. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not opposed to it, but I think some need it. Some definitely don’t need it. I am one of those who don’t, because I tend to be come obsessed with numbers. If I’m not careful I’m obsessively checking my instagram feed for ‘likes’ when I really should be caring about encouraging and loving other people. . .

Calorie counting became the same thing, but the obsession and the bad habit turned into an idol. I still find myself wanting to float over to a website and check the calorie counts on something, just to make ‘sure’ I am within my ‘limits.’

Why do I want to stop? Calorie counting stunts my ability to eat intuitively. I might eat, but if I’m up to my ‘calorie limit’ in my head, I’ll stop, even if I’m hungry. I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to stop ‘thinking about eating’ and eat to enjoy fellowship with my family and being thankful for God’s abundant blessings, that I don’t deserve.

Philippians 4:19, “But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”

He will supply my needs. I don’t need to worry about supplying my caloric needs by counting them out. I need to trust God and STOP it. Though, it’s not as easy as all that, so I’m asking if you would pray for me? Would you pray that this idol would be purged out of my life, so I can continue to go on and walk in freedom and love towards the one who made me? 🙂

And now on to lighter thoughts, funny things, and tasty food that I ate this week!

1. We saw this truck on the way back from the airport yesterday. Redneck? Maybe. I thought it was quite innovative. Who would have thought of building up the sides of your truck with pine trees?

2

2. On Tuesday, I made Mango bread. Yep, that’s right. I made mango bread. I know that it sounds kind of weird, because you normally think of banana bread, blueberry bread, or apple bread, but not mango bread. The batter was very orange. The loaf was extremely colorful, and the bread? It was very moist, sweet, and delicious. I had a slice for breakfast yesterday, and thankfully I did, because our dog ended up sneaking the last half of the loaf after breakfast. O_o

Of course, it came served with peanut butter. I eat peanut butter with almost everything.

More peanut butter. 😉 I like midnight snacks…

3. My sister is amazing. She just left on a missions trip to Cambodia and Thailand, and I’m already feeling her absence. She has a husky breeding business, and as a result, we have 3 huskies here + puppies. She normally trains and takes care of them, and I’m beginning to appreciate her job even more. We are filling in for her, and I took one of the boys for a walk this morning. He’s a beauty, and I’m amazed at just how much work she has done to train him. He’s a really good dog, super sweet, and obedient. If you need a running buddy, and you can spend a good amount of time with the dog, get a husky! ‘Nough said. 🙂

4. I’m almost done with Olympic triathlon training. I’m pretty nervous about it, but I’m reminded that ‘when I am weak, He is strong.’ I’ve put in the training. I’ve done the hours, so I’m just going to go, have fun, be humbled, and make memories next week!

Yes, this is not my most glamorous picture, but it is what I look like after riding a bike through the rain. . . The feelings that go through your head during a rainy bike ride go as follows.

‘I love this hill… The feeling of flying down it in the rain is EXHILARATING.’

‘I hate this ‘up’hill. I’m so miserable. Everything is wet. My shoes are squishing. My bum hurts. I just want to be home.’

‘I love rain. Everything looks so green…’

You get home and rush inside. A shower has never felt so good.

After this it will be back to less structured training, a few runs here and there, work with the Posture Fit bar, strength training, and a bit of core…

5. The weather has been extremely cool and beautiful the last few days. It’s been alternately foggy and rainy, and today is the first day the sun has come out in a couple days. It makes exercising outside SO NICE, but I am thankful to see the sun today! The grass is the greenest I have seen it in a long time.

I took this picture the other day while on a walk down our road. I thought the fog was beautiful!

Calorie Counting? Do you do it? Why or why not? If you stopped how did you do it?

Have you ever made a baked good that sounded like it would be odd but it was actually really delicious? What was it?

The Life of the Writer

I live in the beautiful state of Colorado where 14ers are to give you all the sore legs you need, amazing skiing, plenty of other runners, glorious sunsets, majestic elk herds, and peaceful country roads with clear air.

Go Back in Time!

Go Back in Time!

I am a very ordinary girl. I’m 21, but if you met me, you wouldn’t believe me. I am passionate about girls finding true beauty in Christ. I love peanut butter, icecream, and salad. My hobbies are cooking, baking, sharing laughs and tears with others, and sharing the fullness of joy that Christ has put in me. I love reading other blogs, and I hope that this will be a place where you can find encouragement, recipes, smiles, and joy. Click here to read more about me...