...for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not (v.18)

Sunday, February 7, 2016

Another Loss

“I shall go to him, but he will not return to me.” 2 Samuel
12:23

This is a deeply personal post. I am sharing because, even though I wouldn’t
choose these circumstances, this is how the Lord has chosen to work in my life.
I try to be honest that living the Christian life, that following Jesus, is not
about a life of ease and comfort. Suffering and affliction come to believers and
unbelievers alike, in many shapes and forms, and yet with different purposes. In
the life of the one who believes in Jesus Christ, suffering and affliction is a
tool that God uses to draw His people closer to Himself (Hos. 6:1-3; Heb.
4:15-16), to increase their trust in Him (2 Cor. 1:9), to teach them (Psalm
119:67, 71), to discipline them (Heb. 12:7-11), to allow them to share in
Christ’s sufferings (Phil. 3:8-11; 2 Tim. 1:8), and to allow them to identify
with and comfort others (2 Cor. 1:2-7) – to name a few. It is not for
punishment. Christ took every ounce of punishment for those who place their
trust in Him. And it is not arbitrary or meaningless (2 Cor. 4:16-18). The life
and death of Jesus gives meaning to even the most minute and mundane things. God
always seems to be a million things at once in our lives, so whatever
circumstances we may find ourselves in, they are not pointless.

These are the things that God is reminding me as my husband and I face a
painful loss. Death visited us again in January. This time in a way that is harder to
understand and express. About a month ago, Daniel and I found out we were
pregnant. We were excited (and scared), but so thankful for such a quick answer
to prayer. And, suddenly, before we could even begin to wrap our minds around
this little gift of life, it was over. At 8 weeks (a week ago today), I
miscarried. The talk of painting one of the bedrooms for a nursery, guessing if
it would be a boy or girl, and already beginning to care for this tiny addition
to our family was all over in an instant.

But God is faithful and He is near. He is not a God who is far away and is
unable to sympathize with our weaknesses and sufferings. The Bible says He is
close to the broken-hearted (Psalm 34:18). In fact, He entered into and
identified with our sufferings by sending His Son, Jesus. Jesus was called a Man
of Sorrows (Isaiah 53:3). He was tempted in every way were are, yet He did not
sin (Hebrews 4:15). He knows intimately what we are going through and He has
been very near to us, pursuing us through His Word and through His people and
surrounding us with His presence.

In fact, God began pursuing my heart and preparing me for this loss in the
days leading up to the miscarriage (and the days following). Through songs and
Bible reading and the radio and the devotional I am reading, He has been calling me to do one thing: Praise (the one thing that
doesn’t come naturally in times like these. No matter what would happen with the
baby (because by the time last weekend came, we knew there was something wrong),
God was asking me to trust Him and to commit to praise Him. He was asking me to
adopt the words of Job as my own. Job lost all his possession, his ten children,
his heath, and his status in the blink of an eye. And yet this is how he
responded:

Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground
and worshiped. And he said, “Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall
I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the
name of the Lord.” Job 1:20-21

God asked me to do the same. As I was listening to the Shane and Shane song
below, God was essentially ask me, “Will you praise me no matter what? Are you
willing to worship me even when I take away?” My heart, although trembling,
cried out a firm Yes. I choose to trust You, Lord. I choose to remember that
Your ways are higher and thoughts are greater, and that You will not withhold
from me anything that is good for me.”

I am currently studying through the Psalms, and even there God was beckoning
me to praise Him:

“Praise the Lord! Praise the name of the Lord, give praise, O servants of the
Lord…Praise the Lord, for the Lord is good; sing to His name, for it is
pleasant.” Psalm 135:1, 3
“Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, His steadfast love endures
forever.” Psalm 136:1

So, with God’s help and strength, that is what Daniel and I have been trying
to do. We don’t pretend to understand why we had a miscarriage. We don’t
pretend that this isn’t hard or painful, because it is very much so. We don’t
pretend we haven’t been tempted to self-pity or bitterness or envy because we have (or, at least, I have). But
we do choose to take God at His Word and trust that He is working in such
dark circumstances and that He is in control of life and death and that He will
work in and through this for our good. And I have no doubt that God will use
this loss to make the love and message of Jesus shine brightly in our lives. I
have already seen signs of Him doing so.

Currently Reading

Memoir of Mrs. Ann H. Judson by James Knowles

Follow Me by David Plann (w/ hubs)

The Path Through Suffering by Elisabeth Elliot (w/ sis)

Words to Live By

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight yourpaths. -Proverbs 3:5-6Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. -Pslam 73:25-26Beloved, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is. -1 John 3:2Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith—that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. -Philippians 3:8-11

"Remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the word of God. Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith." -Hebrews 13:7

"Oh God, You have made us for Yourself, and our hearts are restless until they find rest in You." -Augustine