Talking sports with Pope Francis (through his Twitter account)

The greatest sports journalists score interviews with the greatest names in sports.

The rest of us, those without access or credibility, get our exclusives from different sources. This is one such example: An interview with the Twitter feed of Pope Francis.

Pope Francis, thank you so much for giving me a couple minutes to talk sports with you. I know you’re busy on your short trip to the United States. I mostly want to talk to you about football, America’s de facto religion.

But first off, I really appreciate you agreeing to an interview with The Cauldron, an online publication. Do you ever have time to wade into the comments sections on sports sites?

The earth, our home, is beginning to look more and more like an immense pile of filth.

Agreed. O.K., moving along ... What are your thoughts on NFL commissioner Roger Goodell? He seems to think that it’s him, not you, who is the beacon of morality on Earth. What do you think of all his fines and suspensions?

Naturally. Of course, Goodell has had a lot of dealings in the past months with the Super Bowl champion Patriots. Do you have any words of encouragement for NFL teams who think they can never defeat Bill Belichick and the Patriots, on or off the field?

The fight against evil is long and difficult. It is essential to pray constantly and to be patient.

I’m going to have to disagree with you there. They put out bounties. Doesn’t seem too loving to me.

Getting back to the 0–2 Seahawks for just a moment, Wilson doesn’t seem to have stepped his game up since getting that big contract. Do you think he is just a game manager who can’t win without a top-tier defense?

Clearly, you spent a lot of time ministering to the poor and the lost. Here in America, we have folks like that, too. We call them the Cleveland Browns and their fans. What words of encouragement can you give them today?

There is never a reason to lose hope. Jesus says: “I am with you until the end of the world”.

Well said. People believe that guy is better than he really is. If you have time for one baseball question: Do you think great players who were linked to steroids, like Barry Bonds, deserve to be in the Hall of Fame?

Scientific and technological progress cannot be equated with the progress of humanity and history.