‘Big Brother’ recap: A hamster is cut but has a shot to return

Well, we can pretty much check out for at least half of this episode, as we all know what’s going to happen, don’t we? Helen is the target, and no amount of wheedling or crying is likely to save her. Well, unless another hamster throws his or her sound pack or tries to drown McCranda in the bathtub. That sounds tempting, but alas, unlikely.

Of course, Helen started campaigning to save herself from the moment she got put on the block. She tearfully tells Elissa she needs to work with GinaMarie and Aaryn. So, Andy pops in, because he seems to have a second sense as to when anyone or anything threatens the 3am alliance — it’s like his superpower, which is a pretty sad superpower to have.

Helen begins tearfully (yes, EVERYTHING Helen does this week is done tearfully) telling Andy he’s the swing vote. Andy assures her he’s not a swing vote. She tearfully warns him America is watching and he Will Be Judged. Helen isn’t necessarily wrong, but she really needs to work on her delivery.

Andy is so pissed. How can Helen delineate who the good versus the evil people are in the house?Oh, Andy. Rest assured, America has determined who’s good and evil. The easy guideline of “who said hateful, racist stuff” made it so easy!

Anyway, Andy stomps off to tattle to Amanda. With friends like Andy, you don’t need enemies. Or feral cats. Or sociopaths.

Helen can tell Andy is lying to her, so she goes to McCrae. Um, Helen? Unless you’re willing to get a boob job and grind yourself against McCrae, you can’t really win here. Then, Helen warns McCrae that Amanda would be an awful wife. “Why are you so scared of her, McCrae?” Oh, oh my. Helen, you would make a terrible politician! Or marriage therapist!

McCrae thinks Helen is the same kind of pushy that Amanda is. He’s not entirely wrong. Helen is just too desperate, if you ask me.

Sensing someone trying to manipulate her gob of mush, Amanda corners McCrae to analyze Helen’s comments. How dare Helen call her a bully! She’s not a bully… is she? McCrae takes his life into his own hands and tells her she can be bossy. Oh, yay. Now we’re going down the rabbit hole. I’m not mean! I’m not a bully! You don’t think I’m a bully, do you? DO YOU?

Still, Helen scampers around the house, crying and talking. Helen and Elissa work on Gina Marie, then Andy. Gina Marie and Andy nod and nod and, I’m pretty sure, just want Helen to shut up more than they want to change their votes.

Time to talk to Julie, who gets to remember she was once an actual journalist at times like this. How did the hamsters like feeling around in the dark for the Have/Have Not Challenge? Not much, in short. Except for Gina Marie. She had a good time! Even though her team lost. But she had fun! Gina Marie is such a character. Always having a good time except when she’s trying to pick a fight or be a big time racist.

Time for the eviction. Yeah, we know what’s going to happen. Helen makes a big shout out to her family and stuff. And she begs for her survival. She loves them all! She is tearful!

McCrae votes to evict Helen. Is it possible for him to wear more bandanas?

Amanda votes to evict Helen.

Elissa votes to evict Spencer.

Andy votes to evict Helen.

Gina Marie votes to evict Helen.

So, Helen is out and McCranda rules the house… or do they? Because we’re going to see some very surprised hamsters when they discover someone’s coming back. Mwahahaha!

Anyway, time for Helen to go. Tears! Big kisses! I will say, at least Helen isn’t leaving in a snit. A politician to the end!

When she talks to Julie, Helen says Andy is not a liar. He’s an all-American boy, just so honest and loving! Hahahahaha! To Julie’s credit, she doesn’t roll her eyes. Actually, I’m not sure she can.

Helen admits she turned on the waterworks. She went down swinging! And crying!

It’s time for Helen’s goodbye messages. Andy tells Helen she was bad to other people. Yeah, better hope she’s not back in the game, Andy. McCrae says she wanted to go after his queen, which makes me want to throw up a bit. Amanda tells her she respects her, and I am shocked that Amanda actually reserved her snark this time around. Elissa tells Helen she’s going to fight for both of them now.

Regrets, Helen? She says she would not have taken out Howard and would have gunned for Amanda a lot earlier. But alas, it’s too late… or is it? Julie finally springs the twist on Helen — she might be able to come back! Helen bounces up and down like a bobble head. Yay! She hasn’t eaten real food in two weeks! Maybe give the girl a snack first?

But no, she has to go change and we have to watch a condensed edit of the jurors ending up in the very, very nice jury house. Honestly, I think the hamsters should not be in a rush to go back into the “Big Brother” house, given these digs.

Judd and Candice hug and stuff. Candice adores Judd, so as sad as she is he didn’t go further, he’s better company than Gina Marie. Judd wants to see Helen come through the door. I’m really surprised by how much resentment Judd has for Helen. Jessie walks in, and there’s more hugging. Judd had almost forgotten how hot she was.

Time for gossip. There’s lots of bagging on Helen. And no bagging on Amanda? Judd is holding on to hope he might be able to get back into the house — and, I guess, stick Helen’s head in the toilet. Judd says, if he gets the chance to live his dream, he is going to be like pest control — putting up Amanda and Helen. Jessie is going to go after the people who got her out of the house, which I think means everybody. Candice wants to take down Gina Marie. I would tell Candice to also take down Aaryn, but, as I recall, Candice sucked at challenges so she probably doesn’t have to worry about it anyway.

The jurors are taken to the “Big Brother” set and Helen hops up and down like a hyperactive kid. Helen is probably semi-lucid thanks to eating slop for two weeks and sleeping in airplane seats.

Then, it’s time to break the news to the hamsters that a jury member will be joining them. Oh, this will be awesome! Be afraid, hamsters, be very afraid. And the news is met with… nervous, frozen smiles, for the most part. Elissa looks thrilled. Amanda looks pissed.

For some reason, the jury members are allowed to go back into the house so there can be a big, awkward reunion before the competition. Candice is so happy she even hugs Aaryn and Gina Marie. Amanda still looks pissed. How DARE Big Brother interfere with her total control of the house! Humph!

The competition is called Off the Wall. Two competitions happen at the same time — one for HoH, and one for the jury members to decide who gets to go back into the house. Balls will be thrown at all of them while they stand on moving pedestals, and they have to catch ten balls without falling. If the winner is a jury member, they also get to become HoH. Woof! That double win option might be necessary if you want to last longer than a week.

I am expecting all of the balls to be thrown directly at Helen. Still, this seems like an odd challenge if the producers want Helen back in the house. She’s been a Have Not for two weeks, though, so she probably isn’t thinking straight or feeling coordinated. Basically, she has no shot. Weird. I really did think this was the producers way of moving the chess pieces in a very specific way.

The first person to catch a ball is, strangely, Jessie. Oh, the sprinklers just got turned on. That’s fun. Okay, balls are not being thrown. This will likely take all damn day. It will definitely take longer than the show has, so we will find out the results either a) as soon as someone watching the live feed posts them on the Internet or b) Wednesday if we can’t be bothered. I’m guessing Jessie might just take that double win — and man, that would be a REALLY interested twist.

Who do you think is going back into the house? Do you think Amanda, who never wins anything ever, should worry? And what do you think of the twist?

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I think they should have given Helen some food since she just got evicted and probably hasn’t been sleeping well in addition to being starved and grimy. I don’t like Amanda. Things have changed since the other three jurists left so it’s too bad they didn’t get longer to talk before competing (unless they didnt’ show it). I’d like to see Helen win because she is an intelligent player and didn’t find it necessary to insult or call other people names. Just a good player. I want to see Amanda’s face when she finds out that Judd was not MVP; she was so certain. She isn’t too bright and mark my words, she is totally using McCray the pizza guy. I think he is yucky.

By: Mulderism

08.23.2013 @ 4:45 AM

Wow! This article is dripping with sarcasm. This is Big Brother Liane. Lieing and cheating is part of the game. As Mike Boogie once said “This is the Big Brother house. You can bounce cheques here”.

I loved our country’s first season of Big Brother Canada. But why did BB US have to steal the *worst* idea from BBC? Letting a juror go back into the house. I’m sorry Americans, this was our stupid idea. But at least they have to win it through a comp and not by a vote.

Anyway, I hope Jessie wins the contest but not the HOH. She’ll be on the next train out of there. None of the jurors belong back in the house. They were voted out fair and square. Production should really stop trying to influence events.

I really wish my girl Aaryn could play in this event. So I’m hoping next for McCrea, GM or Spencer. I doubt Amanda is going to start winning comps now. Maybe GM can pull out another win.

By: Jon

08.23.2013 @ 5:44 AM

Judd won for re-entry and Elissa won HOH.

By: Mulderism

08.23.2013 @ 6:24 AM

Jon, why don’t you overdoes on some pills and drop a toaster in the bathtub while you’re at it. You won’t be missed.

By: Pedak

08.23.2013 @ 7:05 AM

Thanks for the update Jon. So glad Helen didn’t get back in!

By: Mulderism

08.23.2013 @ 7:19 AM

PLEASE DELETE THESE COMMENTS BEFORE THE RESULTS ARE SPOILED FOR MORE PEOPLE WHO DON’T WATCH THE LIVE FEEDS.

By: Darryl

08.23.2013 @ 3:01 PM

Mulderism: the death wishes you placed on Jon are bad enough, but the fact that you consider Aaryn your girl is very disturbing indeed. Are you not seeing the horrible racist comments she’s spewing consistently?

By: Mulderism

08.23.2013 @ 5:25 PM

I really don’t like it when people post spoilers specifically to ruin the surprise for those who don’t have access to or don’t have time to watch the live feeds. This is deliberate and malicious behaviour and it needs to be stopped before it goes any further.

As for Aaryn, of course I’m aware of her racist remarks. Just like I’m aware of GM, Amanda and Spencer’s racist remarks.

Aaryn is going to have a world of pain when she leaves the house. She has been fired from her job(s) and is going to experience the hatred of BB fans for years to come. Her life may well be ruined. So I’m not going to pile on with the rest. I respect the gameplay even if I don’t like the way she acts personally. And lately she has played the game extremely well.

By: Jobin00

08.23.2013 @ 1:52 PM

The jurors don’t belong back in the house. Nor do they deserve the shot at winning the HOH coming back into the game.

If you want to try to protect them, then ensure that they have a spot in the veto comp this week, that is at most any perk they should get for coming back from being voted out.

But seriously how is this good TV? Oh great someone comes back into the game, which only means in the future we should care less about who gets voted out, because CBS could always decide to bring them back.

How is it good TV if the juror who comes back ends up winning the whole show? Would be a BS narrative that CBS would get to play up, but it would be complete and utter BS.

The producers need to do better at their jobs, they are making this show worse every year.

By: Mulderism

08.23.2013 @ 5:32 PM

This almost happened in BB Canada last year. A member of the jury was voted to come back through an online vote. The returning player (Gary) made it to the final two and would have won if not for the mistake of one of the voting jurors who mistakenly voted for the other player (Jillian).

So a player who was voted out came back in the house and nearly won. How screwed up is that? And now the American show is doing it too. To be fair, at least the returnee has to win a comp to come back in.

I won’t go so far as to say the game is rigged. But the producers definitely try to influence the outcome.

By: Jobin00

08.23.2013 @ 5:49 PM

They usually wait until the end of the season, and then tailor the final important comps to the strengths of the players they want to win (happens every year like clockwork).

I’m surprised they haven’t used the stupid door in the HOH room yet, that gives the reason to do whatever they want, when the HOH (always) opens it. But it is clearly cheaper to just bypass giving the HOH some prize, and bring back a juror member.

Think about how this hurts the game going forward now. Everyone will be wondering if they are going to potentially bring a juror back into the game (especially when the 4th one gets sent home, since they like to have the bring back comps be 4).

By: Mulderism

08.23.2013 @ 6:35 PM

Last week Julie Chen asked Helen a “question from twitter” about the lack of big moves this season.

Now that the show is stooping to bringing back legitimately voted out players, how are they incentivized to make big moves? Why would you risk voting out someone if they could potentially come back and bite you in the ass?

By: Jobin00

08.23.2013 @ 7:06 PM

Agree, maybe the same comment in the last recap.

The bringing the juror back and earlier with the MVP have both make everyone in the house make decisions based on what won’t upset the majority of the house.

But at the same time, the house is filled with a lot of VERY poor strategic players (even by BB standards), after all everyone in the house keeps saying how much a “big move” it was a get Judd out.

By: mgrabois

08.24.2013 @ 4:13 AM

Mulderism, this isn’t the first time an evicted HG has been brought back in on the US BB either, though it is the first time that the returnee has been a juror.

– In BB3, Amy was voted back in (over Eric) by the HGs in a secret vote
– in BB5, Kaysar was voted back in by America’s Choice
– in BB9, the HGs voted to bring back just-evicted James over whoever was in the mystery box (Alex)
– in BB13, Brendan was voted by America’s Choice to compete with the just-evicted Lawon, and he won