Fashion Fades; Style is Eternal

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Thursday, February 27, 2014

Have you checked the forecast? Four days of rain coming up here in Southern California. That is basically our equivalent of the Indian Ocean tsunami in 2004, same year Carolina Herrera debuted her Fall RTW collection, inspired by the old school luxury of some of the grandest European ski resorts, that rocked the runway like the 9.0 magnitude quake.

Obviously, the sudden puddles - and a late night prior - called for a mandatory Starbucks run this morning. I decided to get a little creative (as always) with my barista...and ended up walking out with a $6.05 latte.WTF. Somebody take away my gold card now.

How did I do this, you might ask? Venti, plus the espresso shots, minus the syrup shots, soy. Cha-ching, cha-ching. Instead of starting with the expensive $4 plus latte and removing all of the sugar and fat, start with the skinny and add in the flavors. It was time to revert back to my anorexic latte ways...both for my body and for my wallet.

"Skinny lattes are for fat people.

You heard it here first."

- says C.M.,

my brilliant soul sista and diva extraordinaire.

That being said...here are 5 Anorexic Starbucks Drinks that will change your life, your bod, and your wallet. Order up, darling...

*Note: you can make an anorexic latte any flavor by using any sugar free syrups in substitute for the hazelnut. During the holidays I love to make an anorexic peppermint latte by using the SF peppermint syrup. 'Tis the season for skinny.

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

At last, a song paying tribute to the loved and equally hated, selfie. I heard this song driving home from a spin class last night and I totally wanted to put on my Céline sunglasses in the dark and Instagram a #célfie...kidding.

So, selfies. To do or not to do, that is not the question. To do successfully or don't do at all, that is the statement. Here are my #selfie rules...feel free to hashtag it...

#selfie Rules:

1. Shine like lipgloss. Don't attempt the duckface with a dry pout. That's not hot in person, let alone blasted out to your closest 10k followers. If you're going to duck it out, gloss and plump those betches up.

2. Do not take selfies at the gym. Do not take them at the juice bar, do not take them in the mirror of the spin room, do not take them laying on your back spread-eagle stretching, do not take them naked in the steam room, do not take them period. If you must document your time at the gym, take one of your brand new neon Nikes or maybe one of the retarded girl jazzercising it out on the elliptical in front of you...but please, make sure your sound and flash is off.

3. Turn up the volume on that hair. For some reason, iPhones love to flatten out hair...especially if it's a center part or in a pony. Be sure to add some volume to the crown of the head before you snap away by finger teasing your roots à la Melissa McCarthy in The Heat, no product necessary.

4. Do not take selfie movies. A split second of yourself is hot, an entire 30 seconds is just vain and obnoxious. I don't want to see you pointing out the window over your strategically placed porsche steering wheel emblem with a shiny fake Rolex on your fat wrist, nor do I want to watch you and your friend lip-syncing lyrics to an old Britney song. Oops I did it again, you just got unfriended.

5. Your dog is a sweet addition. Even undercover douchey guys to avoid at all costs can pull this one off. In the front seat of your X5 with vintage Wayfarers on? Perfection. Clearly you just took your dog to dog beach and threw the frisbee around. You look hot and you love your dog, I'm so into you.

6. Do not wear a fake Célfie shirt in your selfie. Yes, this means your graphic tee you picked up at Kitson. You are, however, exempt if you have the real Céline "Célfie" unisex t-shirt that you picked up circa Fall 2013 after seeing Rihanna rock it with the cuffed shirt sleeves.

7. Hipster glasses, I don't hate. I know I should because they're cliché and way too trendy to be cool right now, but regardless of your gender, they look hot. Thick frames are way better than the invisible lens frames and take you from nerdy accountant to Insta-filter artistic in five seconds. Let me clarify that you actually need to be vision impaired to own a pair...no fake lenses please. Cringe.

8. Do not take selfies while trying on jewelry at Barneys, first floor. Especially, if this entails you holding up a flashy, overpriced jeweled cuff to your neck and channeling a serial killer's expression with your face. If you have to document a piece of jewelry you tried on with your face included, odds are you can't afford to ever own it...or you're not hot enough to find a boyfriend who is.

9. Wedding selfies are totally appropriate...seeing that the wedding photographer is more apt to waste his film on the bride and groom than you and your girlfriends at the "singles" table. Make your boobs look good in that conservative frock of yours and snap away like it's a Herve Leger and you're in Vegas. You are on your fifth glass of Cristal, right?

10. Funderal selfies are totally not appropriate...even if you're wearing the designer's best.

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Derby ponies, loser loafers, oxford snob, chelsea as in Le Bain on the top of the Standard, wing tip q-tip, monk strap jock strap, brogue rhymes with Vogue, barren desert, motor boat...English please???
If I can't keep up with the classification of a gentleman's shoes, how in the world is the male population supposed to? So many straps and laces, I feel like we're sailing an Oyster 885 in a straightjacket.

1. The everyday, boring and bland work shoe. Typically lace-up, all one color, leather with a simple toe. This you wear to your white collar 9 to 5 and its totally acceptable to wear out to happy hour or a 4-star dinner date later on. These shoes make you seem level headed with a decent amount in your checking account, no judgment other than acceptance will be passed.

BETTANIN & VENTURIBicolor Chukka

$1,195

2. The casual, cool shoe. This pair you would wear to a rustic restaurant outing with friends (verging more so on trendy over hole in the wall), ordering bone marrow appetizers off the menu and craft cocktails. A bourbon mule is your drink of choice and you can totally get away with wearing flannel from Barney's or a cool army green cargo jacket, not to be confused with khaki.

3. The "going out" sneaker. Generally overpriced, these are a step up from your Dukes. Wear them with black slim-fit pants, a v-neck, and a black leather jacket. Extra points for throwing on a loose beanie and a substantial watch.

4. The thriftier "going out" sneaker.Creative Recreation makes great kicks that I'm a huge fan of for guys. Priced well and with lots of variation, you can't go wrong with any of them. CR has a really cool Cesario in shiny black and distressed white soles...dig it. Same concept applies as above, although these are more versatile for daytime use too.

5. The dress shoe. You know it's dressy if it's patent. Lace-up with a lower ankle is a dead giveaway that dress socks are absolutely imperative. Stay away from wing-tip dress shoes unless you're trying to make a noticeable statement, in that case...go for it.

Monday, February 24, 2014

Let me preface this blog post by saying that prior to this week, I had never owned a pair of Harlem pants in my life...and definitely wasn't planning on it either. The only reason why I even considered buying a pair of Harlem pants in the first place, was so that I could fit in at an underground hip hop studio that I've been going to religiously with my waspy, yet beyond artistic, blonde friend.

We found a new movement, btw. More on that later.

Back to Harlem pants...is it possible for them to look cool? This is something that I pondered, as I sat comfortably at home after a badass choreography class, cross-legged on my couch, in the comfiest pants I had ever physically worn. Cozy.

Equivalent to the gaucho, this territory had to be treaded lightly. There was a thin line that I was crossing by considering bringing my Harlem to the streets.

Trust me, I wish I was as urban-ly cool as I sound.

Hm.How to make Harlem pants look relevant...I think I've come up with a couple ideas that are on point. Not to be tried by the frigid, put on that A$AP Rocky and motivate yourself to get down with this trend and urbanize yourself, casually.

It's coo shawty, I promise.

Check it...

When all else fails, do what Palermo does and take a conservative spin. Sunnies, cotton tee, basic color palette, flats, and a neutral every day bag. Oh, and don't forget to lose all emotions in order to make the face.

I love the way the slouchy Harlem pants can instantly be balanced out with a highly structured shoulder piece like the above blazers. Shoulder pads are a Harlem pant's best friend.

If you're going to go with a print, make it animalistic. The last thing you want to do is get totally tribal, as cool as it may sound. Also, black pointed pumps like the ones shown above elongate the leggage you lose, keep that in mind.

This is just badass. If you can pull of the Harlem pant like Gwen Stefani, please wear them every single day of your life. I'm obsessed with the combated structure she channels.

If you're a guy and think that you have what it takes to attempt the Harlem pant, I wish you the best of luck because you have the greatest ambition. Black and white color scheme only, high top converse, and a minimalistically artistic tattoo will help.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Single, in a relationship, it's complicated? If you're like me, whatever your "status" may be, your affair with chocolate is always ongoing. I've found that there are appropriate chocolates all around the city for any relationship you may be in, and what better time to indulge than this Friday.

Single: Yes, Godiva did make such a thing for single girls all around the world. Godiva's Ice Cream Parlor Truffles are absolute bliss from a carton, and don't require a spoon. Choose from flavors like Hazelnut Gelato, Pecan Caramel Sundae, and Mint Chocolate Chip.

Engaged:If you haven't had the Nordstrom truffles, you haven't lived. They're rich and giant and so delicious that you totally don't even mind sharing...a box. My favorite is the champagne truffle, naturally, oh and the dark chocolate sea salt truffle, a classic.

Married: Nothing says commitment and "I know you so well, honey..." as a box of customized chocolates from Dallmann Confections. It takes true knowledge of the significant other to put together such a luxurious box. The secret is, every single chocolate from Dallmann's is delicious and any woman's favorite - well done!

It's complicated: It's complicated? Really? Well, then you better go out for chocolate and see what the hell you both like. Eclipse Chocolate is an adorable bistro and bar located off Fern Street in San Diego. Oh, and they have amazing vegan chocolates too...hint hint.

So, he's gonna be coppin' a feel this Valentine's Day. What a lucky guy. I'm sure you've got seduction down to a deep-V, but here are a few tools that can make you go from tempting to temptress.

Check it...

1. French lingerie. The origin of the word "lingerie" is French for a reason...and that's what you should stick to. My favorite, Kiki de Montparnasse is available online and in boutiques in Las Vegas, Los Angeles, and New York City. Read more about having a Kiki in an earlier post, Let's Have A Kiki.Other great French lingerie brands j'adore:

2. A good exfoliation. No one wants to be rough in the buff...except of course if rough is being used an adverb and not an adjective (adverb; in a manner that lacks gentleness vs. adjective; not soft to touch). In any circumstance, exfoliating is key.I love the assortment of scrubs available at Barneys, like the ones below; Red Flower's Italian Blood Orange Revitalizing Sea Scrub, Cleopatra's Body Scrub by The Organic Pharmacy.

3. A pouty lip.I'm all about injections to the lip, but there's an amazing natural lip plumper that I found that beats all of the cosmetic counter fakes...and its D.I.Y. Basically, the "lip plumpers" you see at the counters are just irritants. Unless you're actually injecting, all the goop you're applying is just like a temporary bee sting. Make one yourself that's natural and manageable to degrees of sensitivity.

Mix well and apply to lips only. Leave on for 10 to 15 minutes, and then WIPE OFF. If you want to increase your dosage, up the cayenne pepper and cinnamon extract.

4. A scent to remember.Scent is, hands down, the best tool in the world to draw in your male prey. I went through a phase where I would only date guys wearing Tom Ford private blends. Why men are better than me? They're totally not as picky. Musky, sugary, whatever...if it smells good, they dig it.

Since we're talking about seduction however, and yours truly is leading the discussion, lets talk hot. I've racked my fragrance shelf for the sexiest scents...and please remind my credit card to not let me buy anything else in the Barneys parfum department for at least a decade. I've become an eau de fragrance hoarder.

Note to the male readers: These all make really great Valentine's Day gifts for your sweetheart, for your information. If you're not living in a city where Barneys is a landmark, there's such a thing as online shopping...two clicks, select the option for gift wrap and rush ship, and your job is done. I recommend this option regardless.