Subject: If YOU came with Instructions what would they say? Wed May 16 2007, 15:06

If YOU came with Instructions what would they say?

mine would probably be in chinese or another language that my family wouldnt understand as they never understand me lol

1. Handle with extreme care2. Remember to hug at least once a day3. No jokes about a woman going into labour!4. Make sure she has at least 8 hours sleep5. If her sugar runs low, make sure she gets some very very quickly!6. Always keep a large supply of chocolate nearby7. If found please return to mother ship immediately

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Subject: Re: If YOU came with Instructions what would they say? Thu May 17 2007, 20:05

1) just shut up and let her talk2) ok now TALK duh! don't you know anything?3) Don't let the convo ever go to anything about food4) don't bring the subject to how she looks5) bring some duct tape. Talking may become very loud6) NEVER say anything about her mood. She gets moodyer.7) Compliment her writing if you can8) don't talk about her mistakes9) take most mean jokes she says as funny. that's what they're meant to be10) Remember, sarcasm is the key to a healthy becca life11)play music nonstop12) ask her if she'd like something caffeinated. 13) don't be afraid to yell at her 9warning- she'll yell back)14) don't be afraid to get your ego damaged considerably.

Subject: Re: If YOU came with Instructions what would they say? Fri May 18 2007, 08:42

I'd have a post-it thingy in my leg saying: Priceless :D

Instructions:

1. Needs to use the Internet at least once a day2. ALWAYS CARRY HER IPOD WITH HER3. Beware of random singing and possible dancing4. Needs to fall in her inlines at least three times a week5. Keep in someplace fresh and dry6. Don't disturb when watching Anime7. Keep away from couples unless you want her to squee

Subject: Re: If YOU came with Instructions what would they say? Sun Jun 17 2007, 10:35

Well first of it would say comes in a package (with my andy)

Instructions:

1. Keep Her Harry Potter stuff with her ALL the time2. Beware gets angry easly3. Must use internet for at least 3 hours a day4. This person is very attention seeking so give them lots of attention5. Do not touch her Harry Potter stuff

Welcome: You have just bought a brand new Jessica! To handle the Jessica please follow the simple instructions below. Have fun with her!

Instructions:To start up the Jessica Machine, take a hott cup of coffee and run it under he nose. Imediate reaction should follow. If she still does not awake please call the number at the bottom of this page for assistance.

Once your Jessica has been awaken. Let her drink the coffee you have and then proceed to have her do things with you. Mild complaining might occur.

If you encounter a talking slump, where the Jessica continues to talk nonstop. Take the duck tape and tape it over her mouth. She then will try to proceed to take it off so please sit her down and tie her with the rope to a chair. Wait about ten minnutes and the talking slump will be over.

To turn off the Jessica stop feeding her coffee.

We can not be held responsible for any abuse or broken objects that the Jessica may have caused.If you encounter problems please call 1-800-BROK-JESS

Subject: Re: If YOU came with Instructions what would they say? Tue Aug 07 2007, 17:03

My instructions would be in Amberisms XD

How to take care of your new Amber:

1) Stand at least 10 feet away when waking her up*2) Don't try to feed her any breakfast foods3) Give at least one new book/notebook per every two days4) Allow at least a few hours online a day5) Sit and watch Gilmore Girls and Charmed with her6) Let her eat as she pleases7) Don't argue. Ever. You won't win.8) Beware of random comments and/or singing and dancing

*- Actual ranges could be greater or lesser depending on amount of sleep

An Amber isn't right for you if you are easily annoyed, or actually want on your computer. Serious risks include very hurtful comments while trying to wake her up, and/or if you annoy her, so you shouldn't get an Amber if you are overly emotional or easily hurt by words. Ask your pyscratrist before buying one as it may not be right for your sanity.

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Subject: Re: If YOU came with Instructions what would they say? Fri Aug 17 2007, 16:10

Taking care of Kitty- a hefty responsibility so be sure you know what you are getting into.

1. Remember to hold her carefully2. Have a large supply of catnip on hand3. Chocolate is a must have 24/7 4. Keep the room temperature pleasant5. Don't disturb here in the wee hours in the morning6. Make sure her blankets are soft and clean7. She must have at least 5 pillows on her bed8. Give her computer time when she wants it9. Spoil her10. Never yell or disagree with her without life insurance

Subject: Re: If YOU came with Instructions what would they say? Wed Aug 29 2007, 15:27

Instructions-Spoil your Moira occasionally-Always have a pepsi on hand-Never insult Ireland in anyway, or the french language-Always allow ample computer and reading time-Provide your Moira with chapstick daily-Always keep well fed-Be prepared to discuss Harry Potter until the cows come home(and they never do!)

It is not advisable to purchase a Moira if you experience the following:-Preference for coke products-Lack of interest in all things Harry Potter-Intolerable attitude towards random, unimportant facts-Dislike of curly hair-General lack of patience

Subject: Re: If YOU came with Instructions what would they say? Sat Sep 08 2007, 18:33

Instructions- Don't get her excited- Make sure to have a sedate in hand (loll)- Give Chocolate daily and plenty of water- Stand a few feet away after waking her up- Do not get her angry- Keep any sort of bugs away

Subject: Re: If YOU came with Instructions what would they say? Sun Sep 16 2007, 09:59

Congratulations! You are the unlucky new owner of a Kathrine!PLease follow these instructions to keep her happy:1. Have chocolate nearby at all times2. Never take//leav the house//break her cellphone//iPod// digital camera2. Ignore the fact that there is no number three4.spoil at every holiday5. give at least 4 hours of computer time a day6. leave her ALONE

warnings!!!after waking, leave the room quickly, as she ids dizzy, confused, and mad at the fact that you disturbed her beauty rest.In case of accidental breaking of cellphone//iPod//digital camers, go buy a new one within an hour.If you run out of chocolate, go buy some, unless you want to deal with a crabby Kathrine.Kathrine does NOT need constant companionship. Let her come to youMUST HAVEScute boychocolatefrineds (not you)hp bookscellphone//iPod//digital camers (all three, or she will not turn on)

FAQQ. My Kathrine will not turn on. What should I do???A.wave the chocolate under her nose. as she wakes, RUN!!!!!Q. There have been some strange deaths around my neightborhood, and thefts. I noticed this happened after i got my Kathrine. Any explanitions, tips and such???A. yeah, tell the idiots not to get on Kathrines bad side.

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Subject: Re: If YOU came with Instructions what would they say? Wed Sep 19 2007, 18:55

Are you feeling down? Is life taking a turn for the worst?

If so, then have we got a deal for you! You can rent your very own Alex, for a mere ten dollars a week! Alex is guaranteed to attempt to brighten your day. Alex is mood sensitive, so be sure to be supportive and encouraging at all times. Alex is run on a combination of caffeine and nicotine, so with proper maintenance, he will last until your money runs out, or your internet gets disconnected. Be sure to have plenty of video games on hand, and his own computer is strongly advised.

To rent Alex, please call 1-866-ASK KITTY

Alex, a creation of the Watson family

Not advised for those who are not touchy/feely, as Alex is known for breaking out into spontaneous hugging and/or cuddling. Alex may cause irritability due to his sarcastic nature. Loss of intelligence may result if you attempt to listen to his ramblings. No refunds, caffeine and nicotine not included.