Joel Stein Ranks the TIME 100

L. to R.: George Clooney, U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, President of the French Republic Nicholas Sarkozy

(9 of 10)

81. Gordon Brown: Do I expect the prime minister of England to be exciting? No. But you, sir, have exceeded expectations.

82. Xi Jinping: You are the next leader of China. I have years before I try and fail to memorize your name.

83. Barbara Hogan: As the minister of health in South Africa, you won't matter until I visit South Africa and get sick there.

84. Norah al-Faiz: Saudi Arabian feminist? You sound as influential at the vegan who works at KFC.

85. Suraya Pakzad: A feminist in Afghanistan? See number 84.

86. Yoichiro Nambu: No, your theory of spontaneous broken symmetry in subatomic particles didn't influence me directly this year, but if I live long enough to see the end of the universe, it might.

87. Sister Mary Scullion: I feel very strongly about working on the homeless problem, and you are doing incredible work. Unfortunately, your work has no effect on me, since I feel even more strongly about not going to Philadelphia.

88. Jeff Kinney: Your Diary of a Wimpy Kid sounds great, but has escaped my attention until now. If it's good, you'll be higher next year. If it's not good, then that's good news for number 100, Nouriel Roubini.

89. Captain Phillips. Were I on a boat near the Somali coast, you'd be #1. I have made no travel plans.

90. Manny Pacquiao: Pound for pound the best boxer in the world? That would be awesome if it were 1954. But in 2009, that's right below pound for pound the best Guitar Hero player in the world.