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Thursday, June 26, 2014

The case of the missing Humshakals

This is a case that has robbed Delhi Police of its sleep. It all started with a phone call from Rajya Sabha MP Mahendra Prasad’s Number 4, Tughlaq Road bungalow to report the missing twins. They had been last spotted in his garden, nestled comfortably next to each other. But the next morning they were nowhere to be seen. It was as if they had disappeared into thin air.

They were a family of nine and now there were seven. Their happiness now in past tense. “It now raises serious questions about the security of the remaining seven,” said one of the officers on duty. “But we are Delhi Police, we will always be with you, for you, after our tea break.”

The Police has deployed its sharpest investigators to scour the crime scene. Fingerprints were lifted from the garden and the backyard to establish the path that kidnappers might have taken. The footprints, leading up the scene of crime were approximately six inches and seem to be of a person with childlike feet.

The fingerprints and footprints that were lifted from the spot have been sent to the forensics department for examination. CCTV footage from outside the MP’s bungalow and his backyard will also be examined, police said.

The investigating officers have been asked to be on their toes till the forensic report comes out. They have approached Baba Ramdev to achieve this ‘impossible feet’. An officer on condition of anonymity has confessed that they have reached a dead-end since the remaining family members who also happen to be eyewitnesses to the crime are refusing to talk with the investigating team. We now have reasons to suspect their involvement and might subject them to a polygraph test.

It has been learnt from credible sources that the Police conducted a midnight raid in the nearby sabzi mandi based on an anonymous tip-off only to return empty handed. MP Mahendra Prasad is in mourning and was last seen resting under the tree, wiping his tears. It’s been over five days since his precious jackfruits were abducted. He now fears he’ll never see their faces again and refuses to believe that the remaining jackfruits have a hand in their disappearance.

Ex PM, Manmohan Singh has condemned this dastardly act and vowed to bring the culprits to book.

Despite the many hindrances caused by men and women getting wilfully assaulted, murdered and robbed, Delhi Police is focussing all its energies on this case. They are now seeking the help of UP Police that had successfully cracked the case of missing buffaloes. The similarities between the two cases are striking. Both are from influential families and were abducted in the dead of the night. Like the case of the missing jackfruits, UP Police had all but given up hope in tracing the missing buffaloes since all of them look the same. It was the steadfast threat of losing their jobs that had egged them on to achieve the impossible.

Delhi Police is also hoping to replicate the same feat and has sent a team of its officers to Vaishno Devi to pray for the mission’s success.

Posters of the missing jackfruits have been plastered all over the city and any person who can provide the police with useful clues will be rewarded with guavas from Nawaz Sharif’s bungalow. They may be far from fresh but they are certainly influential. It may be recalled that these are the same Guavas that had gotten two police officers sacked when they tried to act fresh with them.

In a fresh statement issued to the press, Delhi Police has vowed to work towards the safety of jackfruits especially the ones with political connections. Litchis will be excluded from this campaign. It is reported that litchis have been cavorting with unknown viruses and the police suspect their involvement in deaths of several children.

PETA has approached the Police Commissioner asking for permission to pose in the nude covered only with jackfruits.

Sajid Khan has announced his plans to make a sequel of his runaway hit Humshakals and will cast Ram Kapoor in the role of the missing jackfruits.

Please Please God let Sajid Khan make more movies like Hamshakal, then we will all have the pleasure of reading such brilliant doses of humour from Purba again.Lady, this was very much needed to make us come to terms with the nonsense that is Hamshakals :P