Friday, April 19, 2013

Better Living Through Chemestry

Our brain chemicals are amazing. Mine, for instance, are only just now beginning to recede from the tsunami of adrenaline and other hormones and enzymes that have flooded my brain and body since late November, 2012 when I arrived back home in Israel after six weeks in the USA visiting my family to find not just my less than a year-old marriage in ruins, but my now-ex husband facing a city-wide sex scandal and a police investigation as well.

Believe it or not - that's NOT the point. The point is that after five months of pre-and-post divorce drama it's only NOW, the last 24 hours or so, that I'm able to finally experience some of the incredibly painful feelings and narrate them to myself without the PTSD chemicals kicking in.

Wow, I have angry feelings about being betrayed, humiliated, manipulated and used! Big strong angry feelings - those feelings have been trapped in my body all of this time. Ouch!!! Must come out!

More than ever, I need a swimming pool. I need a safe and enveloping place where gravity isn't working against me so my body can release all of these feelings and I won't hurt myself or others!