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December 31, 2014

A Note of Thanks

On this blog I've talked about a lot of things that made me nervous. I was nervous to share my take on the Downton Abbey rape controversy. I was equally as nervous to chime in my thoughts on GOMI -- and probably incredibly stupid to remind you all about that post just now.

But I have to say, out of all the posts I've thought long and hard before publishing, Monday's post takes the cake. I wasn't ashamed that my body had failed to carry a pregnancy, nor was I afraid of any judgments to that extent. I was nervous because contrary to the fact I am one half of this lifestyle blog, I truly try to keep certain aspects of my life with Adam private. And for me, that privacy doesn't just extend to the blog -- but to my personal Facebook, my friends, and yes, even our families. Sharing Monday's post meant sharing one of the most private details about my marriage with Adam -- the fact that we are trying to start a family.

Why do it then? Well, I felt it would be a disservice not to for several reasons. First, one of the things that has helped me most in the past weeks was reading blog posts and articles and message boards where women shared their own miscarriage stories. It helped to know that I wasn't alone in feeling rage, sadness, and yes, even jealousy of my pregnant friends. It gave me a sense of comfort at times when comfort was hard to find and in a weird way, I felt I should put my own story out there so that perhaps it too could bring someone comfort.

Second, I knew that in the upcoming weeks my writing, priorities, and the like were likely to change a bit. While I normally would consider myself a pretty relaxed, silly person, I knew that in my laid-back attitude may take a bit of a hiatus and I felt my readers deserved to know why. As a regular blog reader, you can usually tell when a writer is just "off." That doesn't mean you are entitled to a reason why but I personally like being in the know and figured my own readers deserved that courtesy.

So, while I worried about my decision to share something so personal on the blog, I truly believed it was the best thing to do in the situation. And friends... you all overwhelmed me. The last two days have been full of sweet emails and text messages of support and kind words. I've connected with readers who have gone through similar losses and those going through their own rough paths. The whole process has been humbling and a great reminder that each person you meet carries many unseen burdens of their own.

For your kindness, your support, your prayers, your sweet words -- I just want to say thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I still struggle with our Internet footprint and how much is too much to share, but I am grateful I decided to press "publish" on our miscarriage story.

And since it is the last day of 2014 and I also want to thank you all for following this blog and the life we document on it. I realize that you likely don't show up to read everyday and that's okay. Hell, you might only drop in every few months or so. That's fine with me. I know that there are plenty of blogs out there full of personalities that lead infinitely more interesting lives than Adam and I (and probably folks who proof-read a bit more carefully). So we are both incredibly grateful that you would take even a moment or two of your time to drop in and catch up with us. We have lots of fun things planned for the New Year and hope to see you around for all of them.

Tonight, as the clock winds down on this year, Adam and I would like to extend a final "Thank You" to all our readers for the awesomeness that was 2014. As for 2015 -- well, let's just say it's going to be a good ride.

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I am so proud of you for opening up. Although hard, its cathartic. It shows we are all real. I know the pain of losing a little one, of wanting it so badly. But I can attest that when the time is right, you will grow that family. It has been a pleasure to read your blog this year and share small bits of life with you.

I'm still so glad that you shared Monday's post, and I can relate to a lot of your thoughts here. I feel like I'm a pretty open person, but sharing something so personal like a miscarriage and the fact that we were trying to start a family was such a hard thing to do and I debated and debated and then wrote my post and then edited it and rewrote things like 50 times and then I had Joe read it and a couple of close friends and then I posted it and was sick to my stomach about it. What started out as something I was sure that I would regret turned into one of the posts that I was so glad that I shared, not only for my own healing but because so many other people reached out to me and we were able to find some friendship in a lonely, not talked about situation. I've been thinking about you guys all week!!!

You and Adam are still in my prayers. I'm really glad that you opened up and shared this difficult story. I know there are many women who can relate to your feelings, and I know they find comfort in your words. I also understand how difficult it is to announce such a private aspect of your life. I have a post in my drafts right now about a similar situation I am in, and I haven't yet felt brave enough to post it. Please know that you are not alone in this journey. I'm thinking about you!

I am sure that there are many people out there reading your blog that can relate to what you shared and have gone through it or are going through it now and sharing has helped them in some way if nothing else to not feel alone. Best wishes for a healthy and happy 2015 to you and Adam!