Friday, December 19, 2008

I'm a man of
few vices - coffee, sugar, salt, chip buttees, sausage
sangers... the usual artery-hardeners and lifespan-shorteners. But my
real weakness is for stuff that makes me laugh. I loath
'smirk humour'
- The Far Side, Garfield and stuff like that - near as I can tell it's
for people who want everyone else to think they're urbane. I reckon
there's maybe one Garfield cartoon in 45 that is worth more than a
near-smirk. Oh ha friggin' ha - the fat cat doesn't like Monday and
eats lasagne. Jeebus.

Give me Ren
& Stimpy any day - there are bits of Ren's
dialogue that make me laugh just thinking about them... like when Ren
was going insane from insomnia - he hit upon an idea as follows:

That quotation doesn't stand up when it's in text - you have
to have it in context...
spoken by a psychotic Asthma-Hound Chihuahua.

One site that gives me a laugh - that I never miss (no, this
is NOT an ad) is I
Can Has Cheezburger?, which never fails to life
my mood. And the hat tip for that goes to another daily favourite - WTF
Is It
Now?.

The first clue to WTF? is that the writer is a cat lover: I
have said before
that the Ancient Gyppos were on to something when they
interpreted feline insouciance as a sign of divinity.

Anyhow - today Maru outdid himself (herself?): You can her
Bush's reedy
faux-homespun voice right through this...

"Well, see, here's what you do when the pillow-fort
collapses, ya gotta
get the ones from th' other sofa. See this? When yer crayons lose their
points you kin jes sharpen 'em by rubbing them on this corner of the
desk. Heh, you wanna smell something cool? Smell this. Pretty awesome,
huh? Jes' don't eat the red ones, they taste funny. Oh, an' when you
run outta M&Ms, that guy Wendell in th' kitchen -- ah call him
'Wendy,' heh heh -- he'll bring you up some more. Th' green ones are
the best. You might like th' brown ones, though. Heh heh heh."

Maru is also the person behind a lot of the funniest nicknames
for
George "Brokeback Cowboy" Bush: Chimpy McSimpleton, Snorty McAwol, and
others.

But let's get back to the markets...

If you look at the index behaviour, you might think that the
Strayan market seems to want to dance to its own tune (or march to its
own drummer, or paddle its own canoe): After the nuffie cliff-dive in
the first ten minutes, the Oz market had a rally today that lasted the
entire session; this despite the fact that the Dow futures are
currently 60 points off their closing level.

But you would be misleading yourself if you thought that the
Strayan market was (sensibly) ignoring the flagrant manipulation in
the US commodities markets that has been taking place due to
quadruple witching tomorrow: Gold down $30 from yesterday's
session high; Oil down
almost 10% (but with a $5 contango between the January and February
contract - insane); currencies whipping around like blazes.

But the Strayan market didn't
ignore it: look at the GICS sector indices, and you ca
nsee that the supposedly 'forward looking' market treated Resources and Energy stocks as if
the fall in Crude and metals prices last night was permanent.

They also bought retailers... that is, they behaved as if the
Rudd Government's handouts to consumers will be spent (rather than used
to pay down debt) and will have a meaningful effect on retail sales
(and, more importantly for investors, on retailers' profits).

Idiots.

One good piece of news for the Strayan market was that QANTAS finally
decided to walk away from the stupid British Airways deal, which
involved tying QAN to a loss-making capital-destroyer with a toxic hole
where its pension plan should be.

That deal was always just a stupid
ego-wank on behalf of Geoff Dixon: a typical piece of CEO deal-fever
by a bloke thrashing around trying to find something - anything
- to drive his options back into the money. It made no business sense
whatsoever, and QAN shareholders are very lucky that he didn't manage
to
cajole the deal through before he stepped down.

Major Market Indices

The broad market - the All Ordinaries (XAO)
- advanced modestly, rising 25.5 points (0.72%), finishing at 3547.2
points. The index hit an intraday high of 3553.2 at 3:27 pm, while the
low for the day was 3459.7 - set at 10:09 am Sydney time. The nuffies
had barely dived off the cliff, and the market turned up and left them
empty handed.

Total volume traded on the ASX was 1.96bn units, 69.7% above
its 10-day average of 1.16bn shares - that's big volume for a
Friday.

The ASX's daily
listing of all
stocks included 1010 different 3-letter FPO's which traded (i.e., had
non-zero trade volume). Of these, 366 issues rose, with volume in
rising issues totalling 670.6m units; there were 434 declining stocks,
which traded aggregate declining volume of 1.15bn shares.

Of the 488 All Ordinaries components, 191 rose while 223 fell.
Volume was tilted in favour of the losers by a margin of 1.7:1, with
616.61m shares traded in gainers while 1.03bn shares traded in the
day's losers.

The Index that forms the cash basis for the SPI Futures - the S&P/ASX
200 (XJO)
- posted a modest rise of 34.5 points (0.96%), closing out the session
at 3615.7 points.

The "heavy hitters" of the Australian market - the ASX
20 Leaders (XTL)
- performed solidly, in moving up 30.3 points (1.41%), closing out the
session at 2173.2 points.

Among the 20 big guns, 14 index components finished to the
upside, and 7 lost ground. The stocks which make up the index traded a
total of 282.61m units; 14 index components rose, with rising volume
amounting to 202.55m shares, while the 7 decliners had volume traded
totalling 80.05m units. The major percentage gainers within the index
were

Newcrest Mining (NCM),
+$3.14 (10.34%) to $33.50 on volume of 7.3 million shares;

Suncorp-Metway. (SUN),
+$0.67 (9.07%) to $8.06 on volume of 6.3 million shares;

Stockland (SGP),
+$0.30 (8.45%) to $3.85 on volume of 15.6 million shares; and

Wesfarmers (WES),
+$0.83 (5.01%) to $17.39 on volume of 3.4 million shares.

On the less salubrious side of the big-cap fence, the
following stocks were the worst-performed within the index:

Woodside Petroleum (WPL),
-$1.36 (4.02%) to $32.45 on volume of 11.9 million shares;

BHP Billiton (BHP),
-$1.08 (3.48%) to $29.92 on volume of 31.2 million shares;

Westfield Group (WDC),
-$0.44 (3.31%) to $12.86 on volume of 12.2 million shares;

Origin Energy (ORG),
-$0.53 (3.23%) to $15.87 on volume of 3 million shares; and

RIO Tinto (RIO),
-$0.99 (2.48%) to $39.01 on volume of 5.7 million shares.

The ASX Small Ordinaries (XSO)
lost ground even
as the Top20 posted a gain. The Small Ords registered a loss of 25
points (1.53%), closing out the session at 1612.7 points.

Among the stocks that make up the Small Caps index, 69 index
components finished to the upside, and of the rest, 122 closed lower
for the session.

The 208 stocks which make up the index traded a total of 424.92m units:
volume in the 69 gainers totalling 78.9m shares, with trade totalling
317.53m units in the index's 122 declining components. The major
percentage gainers within the index were

Market Breadth

GICS Industry Indices

Among the 11 industry indices, 8 registered an advance for the
session, the remaining 3 lost ground.

The best performing index was Information Technology
(XIJ),
which added 18.3 points (4.62%) to 414.3 points. This index only
contains 2 stocks; they traded a total of 1.9m units today. The lone
rising index component had volume amounting to 1.57m shares, while the
sole declining stock traded 0.33m units. The percentage
gainer in the index was

Computershare (CPU),
+$0.37 (5.31%) to $7.34 on volume of 1.6 million shares.

Second in the index leadership stakes was Financials
ex Property Trusts (XXJ),
which gained 144.4 points (3.88%) to 3867.7 points. The 27 stocks which
make up the index traded a total of 157.04m units; 18 index components
rose, with rising volume amounting to 123.86m shares, while the 8
decliners had volume traded totalling 33.02m units. The major
percentage gainers within the index were

The bronze medal for today goes to Consumer Staples
(XSJ),
which climbed 178 points (3.05%) to 6016.4 points. The 13 stocks which
make up the index traded a total of 54.95m units; 5 index components
rose, with rising volume amounting to 16.52m shares, while the 7
decliners had volume traded totalling 38.06m units. The major
percentage gainers within the index were

Wesfarmers (WES),
+$0.83 (5.01%) to $17.39 on volume of 3.4 million shares;

Woolworths (WOW),
+$1.14 (4.5%) to $26.49 on volume of 7.4 million shares;

Coca-Cola Amatil (CCL),
+$0.27 (3.18%) to $8.77 on volume of 1.7 million shares; and

Metcash (MTS),
+$0.03 (0.7%) to $4.30 on volume of 3.2 million shares.

The worst-performed index for the session was Energy
(XEJ),
which dipped 374.6 points (3.08%) to 11794.7 points. The 19 stocks
which make up the index traded a total of 71.01m units; The 14
decliners had volume traded totalling 60.63m units, and 5 index
components rose, with rising volume amounting to 10.37m shares, The
major percentage decliners within the index were

Australian Worldwide Exploration (AWE),
-$0.18 (7.06%) to $2.37 on volume of 1.4 million shares; and

OIL Search (OSH),
-$0.3 (6.68%) to $4.19 on volume of 12.8 million shares.

Just missing out on the wooden spoon was Materials
(XMJ),
which slid 164.7 points (1.9%) to 8525.1 points. The 45 stocks which
make up the index traded a total of 280.96m units; The 30 decliners had
volume traded totalling 112.98m units, and 13 index components rose,
with rising volume amounting to 130.97m shares, The major percentage
decliners within the index were

Paperlinx (PPX),
-$0.34 (32.08%) to $0.72 on volume of 6.2 million shares;

Great Southern (GTP),
-$0.06 (22.92%) to $0.19 on volume of 6.4 million shares;

Fortescue Metals Group Ltd (FMG),
-$0.2 (8.47%) to $2.16 on volume of 10.5 million shares;

PanAust Ltd (PNA),
-$0.01 (8%) to $0.09 on volume of 14 million shares; and

Third-to-last amongst the sector indices was Property
Trusts (XPJ),
which slid 0.3 points (0.03%) to 894.4 points. The 21 stocks which make
up the index traded a total of 706.51m units; The 13 decliners had
volume traded totalling 562.06m units, and 7 index components rose,
with rising volume amounting to 112.57m shares, The major percentage
decliners within the index were

Centro Retail (CER),
-$0.02 (32.43%) to $0.05 on volume of 35.1 million shares;

Apn/Uka European Retail Property Group (AEZ),
-$0.02 (24.29%) to $0.05 on volume of 892.2 thousand shares;

Abacus Property Group (ABP),
-$0.05 (23.08%) to $0.15 on volume of 10.1 million shares;

Macquarie Countrywide Trust (MCW),
-$0.05 (16.98%) to $0.22 on volume of 30.7 million shares; and