Getting Away from Negative People

Last post we looked at how you choose the people in your life. It’s a polarizing question. Normally I post in the morning but since I was flying home from London it didn’t get up until 3 pm. Yet there were about 2,000 hits and a bunch of comments within less than an hour.

At some point, you may realize that the people around you are holding you back. And you may also realize that they actually don’t want you to succeed. They consciously and or subconsciously will be rooting for you to fail at new endeavors, because it reveals their lack of ambition, drive and vision.

They ridicule your aspirations and predict certain failure for attempting anything so foolish. They do this because they are your “friends.”

You need friends like this, like you need a screen door in a 747. You’ve got to detach from these people as rapidly as possible. For the most part, you usually do this gradually. You stop inviting them places, and you start accepting their invitations less frequently. You both start to notice it isn’t as much fun to hang out with each other, and you begin to curtail the time you spend with each other.

You just slowly drift apart. Others, however, call for more drastic action…

Those are the seriously toxic people who are actively working to hold you back. By them, I mean the ones who ridicule or actively sabotage you. These people need to be called out.

I have told people like this things like, “I love you and want the best for you, but I cannot afford to be around you. You are negative, and expect the worst. This viewpoint colors everything you say and do, and I don’t want to be infected by your attitude any longer.”

And I move on and replace them with people who bring more to my life, and I to theirs. As you can see by the comments yesterday, a lot of you do this as well. But where do you go from there?

Do you work to attract better people in your life? What are some of the ways you attract more positive people. Please share your thoughts below, and we’ll pick up there on the next post.

From my observation it seems that some people who are particularly negative have specific lifestyle expectations and tend towards inflexibility. From my own point of view, it's simply a question of not hanging out with these bods anymore...but also viewing yourself with cool detachment and considering whether you are the sort of person it makes people feel good to be around. It pays to exercise a degree of detachment and logic, but feelings play their part too and blocking calls of someone who tends not to be, shall we say, *reciprocal*, as well as maintaining a positive attitude, is effective in removing them from one's life. When they say something negative, that is clearly calculated to be so...counter with a positive response, or nothing at all. (They WILL disappear!) It also helps to be sure of what one wants out of life in order to get on track. And it's okay to be alone for a while prior to making new and more positive contacts.
There have been two people in my life, one female, one male, at different times, who were divorcing, found it very hard, blamed the spouse entirely, and were relentless in their negativity, even as positive opportunities presented themselves. Unfortunately this attitude had the effect of alienating others (ie everybody!) longterm, because fundamentally they just weren't happy people in themselves...when one dug deep, they themselves were found to be a major contributor to the situation!
So find that core of pleasantness within yourself, whilst still being assertive if you have to...diplomacy goes a long way. Really BE confident , not fearful or anxious or neurotic, and don't take No for an answer in your career...make reasoned judgements, but don't be dissuaded. Have a strong unshakeable self -belief, and grow a thick skin, preferably with an imaginary suit of armour so you really feel invincible.
It helps to come across as invulnerable. People like people with an inherent balance, solidity and sense of confidence. The more balance you have, the less likely you are to get knocked about, right? Then go out and show the world!

Hi! I have an ex who is really negative. I feel it's an infection that he has that has spewed onto others with out intent, but non the less he does it. I cannot think of the last time we have discussed ANYTHING positive. He's ALWAYS the fall guy and everyone in his dark area of he world is responsible for his life being a a train wreck, including me.

I live alone and when I'm in bind for help he is the only one that comes to my rescue. I'm going to say it before anyone calls me out on this issue. Yes I have been active with trying to get involved with other people. I have joined a dating service, given my phone number to a couple of people but to no avail no one really seems to want to go out of their way unless you empty your wallet.

Right now he's in my apartment, won't work and seems to keep up with my pay periods. He has no problems asking me for anything he might need or want. he goes through everything that I have held secrecy or privacy to. He's into everything just like a child would be when I'm gone. He is cocky, unpredictable as well as impulsive. He can have quite a temper too and also be verbally abusive.

Home isn't home anymore when I come home because he's always waiting to have arguments and play mind games with you, He could very well be physically abusive on rare occasions.

I've asked him to leave and he has chosen not to go and says that my apartment is his home and he has no where else to go all thanks to me. His favorite pass time now is camping outside on certain intervals wanting to live off the food that nature might have provided us. On some periods he walks several miles and giggles about almost being attacked by a bob cat. Now he wants to see if he can catch one ok?

I think stopping here might be adequate enough because if I tell you anymore you might also question my sanity as well.

Oh just for the record I have seen him holding a conversation with himself. Yes, he even laughs right out sometimes. Is there someone out there who could give me feedback on how to get this man out of here with little to no danger on my part? I'm waiting to hear from you!

I think we only need a few good friends or even just one good friend in this world that care about you. It is hard these days to find someone who cares unselfishly about another person because we live in a selfish world. Everyone is waiting for the other person to give more before they give and that is why there appears to be toxic people you need to get rid off. All these game-playing etc... I think the most basic reasoning behind this is about humanity, don't want to deviate here but I think it's also about how society somehow influences what we should believe. At the end of the day, noone cares really whether you have toxic friends or no friends at all. At the end of the day, you need to feel happy with yourself and the decisions you make. Some ppl are considered negative because of x,y, z. If we think like this, then there will always be a reason, right? I think if we choose to think 'positive' then we have to think that there is good in everyone. Noone will ever be a perfect friend and being friends with them is really how much you are willing to compromise. Yes, maybe they can get negative on certain things, but is it really so easy just to wipe someone out of your life because they don't increase your success? Surely you cannot do this with every person you meet, right?

Life is tough and full of challenges and I'm only taking it a day at a time. I am grateful for what I have after having made many mistakes that nearly costed me everything that i have worked for. I was on the path to success and I was just removing ppl that I felt was also bad for my career and my well-being. But I have to be honest here, that instead of removing them, you need to work around them and work on yourself to try to get along with everyone because then you are just running away from your problems instead of trying to find a solution to your inability to deal with ppl of different natures. :D

Hey Randy and fans, I have a little story that I don't freely share, but here goes nothing.

Back in June 2006 I was invited to a friend's house for a presentation. However, I wasn't told about the presentation. So after dinner, it was on.

I remember thinking afterwards that I would be ridiculed and made fun of at work, so I quickly discounted the opportunity. Plus there were a few other reasons and unwarranted fears about network marketing and mlm.

The funny thing is that, shortly after, many of these co-workers (surprisingly) joined this very same opportunity. (About six months later.) After one year and a half I finally decided to give it a go.

I did well for a year but realized I had bought the dream and not the right opportunity. However, I am thankful to God because I learned a lot this first year and even made money. But I wasn't passionate about the company or the product.

At the same time, many of my co-workers who had joined before also began to quit the opportunity. Now they hate network marketing and blame it for their lack of success. I realized it was called net"work" and I went through three other companies until I found the right one.

I can see why so many won't try. They fear the ridicule from people which you so describe. Even family members can be harsh.

I am in the midst of writing a book and I can't tell you how many times I slow down or just plain want to quit when I think of the ribbing I'm in for. The same fears manifest themselves.

I'll have to go through all of the negativity and get past all of the joking and teasing to get to m destination. People, even though they like you and are your friends, hate when someone achieves amazing success and wealth.

At the same time, let's not forget that there are many in our corner and they wish us happiness and success. It's not all dark. The positive people are the ones that encourage us to do it, pursue your dream no matter what. I am blessed to have many more of these than the negative ones.

You describe it well and much more concisely. My apologies for taking so much space here, but I didn't know how to shorten this.

Hi Randy,There is power in detachment. We may have aquired friends not by choice but by associations.You must become the person that you want to attract. Your spirit will magnetically attract the people you want in your life. Fix yourself first !!-DG

As you say "seriously toxic people who are actively working to hold you back. By them, I mean the ones who ridicule or actively sabotage you"

I reach out to them, Often times, after reaching out to them, They bring me down and i get depressed always. People are in my own home and outside. Sometimes just got to put my music on and ignore them. I have separate myself from negative toxic people. It's not easy to attract more positive people in my area.

False friends are like dead leaves, found everywhere. "A good friend is hard to find, hard to lose, and impossible to forget..." .... "A real friend is not one who only entertain you, but one who cares about you, one who will be there when you cry" "A friend will strengthen you with her prayers, bless you with her love, and encourage you with her hope....................."That friend is Lord Jesus Christ"

But this bloody asshole people who always bring me down and hurt my feeling. They never help me or care for me.

I help myself and i don't trust people and family. I trust in Lord Jesus Christ and he is my best friend.

I think this is a great topic, but also begs of a little introspection too. Why do some folks have such negative people around? I often subscribe to the fact that they "fear" success so a good way to avoid it is to have toxic people around...I know I was in a very bad relationships - it hurt me in many ways and slowed the growth of my biz...I realized she was holding me back, but I was too!When I got my mind refocused I saw I had some fears about my success and what I deserved. That realization turned my thought process around...I ended the relationship, focused on why I feared success and never looked back.I guess what I'm saying is to really analyze your motives...they may not be what you first think...keeping those toxic relationships may be serving another negative purpose?Just food for thought!Steve

This post made me think of all the "friends" I don't associate with. Yup, THAT one. So I checked out my facebook page today for the first time in ages. Damn! Was that an eyeopener? There's a huge pity party going on over there. Nah, I won't link ;) It's like one of those crappy British soap operas. Drama, sadness, lots of "poor you", moaning and complaining, bitching, sniping and a little more than a slight air of desperation and unhappiness.I suspect that a lot of us who read this blog frequently are on facebook; and I wonder how many of us regularly read the sad and pathetic meanderings of our families and "friends", without ever thinking of the effect it most likely has on us. Just a thought.

Do you know who and what you really are? If you do, this is less of an issue.

If you are "attacked", let them understand perhaps by sheer ignorance that they have absolutely no impact on your life. They are disregarded. Don't give them your energy.

And the best "payback" is having a great life!

However, “negative” people around you are also a statement about you. They are a reflection of you, or they wouldn't be there for you to see yourself.

You actually put them there so that you could mirror yourself. What you see in them is inside of you!

Don't be mad at them but rather correct your own mind patterns (thoughts or thinking) that attracted them in the first place.

Or they will simply come back to haunt you and now with even greater force until you understand that it's actually you who put them there! Hello!

Remember, thoughts are the film, the brain is the projector and physical reality is the screen.

This doesn't mean it should all be lala land and love, peace and light either. There is always what we label "positive and "negative", but ultimately those labels are in the eyes of the beholder.

And learn the difference between "negative" and actually truthful.

Also understand unconditional love.

No matter how boring it may sound, my experience is that God-Mind is pretty "neutral" and allows all things to occur to know everything. But God-Mind is also unconditional love, no matter what situations you put yourself in!

Physical reality and not least certain drama events in it come into existence when thoughts are not internalized. They then have to be projected outside of yourself so that you can "see" and understand the implications of your own thinking.

On a higher level you can actually "see" the outcome of your thoughts without having to experience them in physical reality, unless of course it is something you really want! :-)

Good topic...I had also found myself with a bit of 'slim pickins' in the friend dept once I decided to really focus on more of what I wanted in stead of what I didn't. For the most part it happened naturally...but it can feel weird when your old 'go to' people suddenly leave you feeling you'd rather be alone than dealing with the negative drama.

Not to mean we don't all have 'stuff' as being supportive is what friends are for...however now I am more selective and it seems certain types seek me out more too! It's a win-winKaty

I understand the comments about when the negative people are family members. You don't want to cut your family out of your life, particularly parents. But you can limit your time with them, or limit your phone calls. I try to keep my Mom on track and not get in that negative rut, or talking about people, etc. It can be challenging sometimes.

So Randy, I know the universe sends to you what you put out there. If we’re putting out positive thoughts and feelings won't we attract positive people into our life? I know I've met some thru your community here on your posts. That’s a start…. I’m looking forward to your post on how to attract them.Many thanks to you Randy for what you do!

you are right Randy... negativity comes at cost...but believe how positive we are...its like being a magnet...how powerful is the magnet...but the intensity differs from people to people...but its better to stay away from these people...no matter who they are...

Randy, you are using right,wrong, positive and negative judgements on people, we are part of the matrix and those minds are just part of you as you are part of them, we will never be detached from each other, I will say that using my intuation I move my spirit to work with other energies and spirits that bring me satisfaction in the now.. my perception is that you are not using the lenguage of love this time. i love you man......

I have had to separate myself from many people like this over the years. When I determined to laser focus on creating the lifestyle I dreamed of, I carved everything out of my life that did not serve that dream.

This was tough & I even resigned as the Singles Director at my church. I had worked in singles ministry for 13 yrs. I realized my days were filled with activities that moved me further away from my goals. I also realized that, while we had developed the most leaders in our adult ministries, helped people become more stable in relationships, break cyclic dating behavior patterns, etc., I could do more for them as a successful entrepreneur.

As I began surrounding myself with people intuitive to serving others, possessing success & abundance mentalities, my sphere of influence changed.

Change your thinking, change your results. Your thinking changes when you change who you are listening to!Glad I follow you!g

Separating myself from negative people could be challenge at times if their family, I try my best to encourage them more and hang spend less time with them. Surrounding my self with positive people is the next stage, getting within environments and joining associations with positive people with drive, ambition and who have great dreams.

I dont think you need to actively work to attract more positive people- though that is an option.

I think you naturally end up attracting them because you do similar things, go to similar places etc and just end up in their company and make friends

For example when I cut down on alcohol I gradually stopped hanging out with people who drink heavily, I stopped going to the same places as them and started going to fitness classes. There the people are more health orientated drink less and exercise more. They also tend to follow more active pursuits.

I changed and so the people around me changed.

One question: I realise I am the person that subconsciously wants someone to fail - because it will take attention off me- how do I get over it and get to a healthier more prosperous position for both of us?

Help Randy!! What do I do if it is my husband who is a negative vortex and drives me crazy??? I'm either madly in love with him when he doesn't talk or can't stand him when he does. I have an autistic son who adores him, can't be separated from him, age 11. Do I break my son's heart to make my life more bearable, even pleasant?????Help!!!!!!!!!!!

This is a lesson it took me too long to learn. But, one I believe I have come light years on, over the last decade.

The great news is that when negative people quickly see that one doesn't dont do the negative routine, they head for more negative nurturing environs.

It has been my experience that when one builds a strong anti-toxic aura, the frequency and duration of toxic people coming into ones life drops dramatically.

I feel the most compassion for those who have to deal with close family members who are toxic. The "right" answer is obvious, but distancing oneself from family members and loved ones is very, very tough stuff.

Looking forward to reading your take on attracting positive people (a relatively small cross section of the population).

Great post and to answer the question when I am around people who less than positive I like to have a lot of people around. They tend to hold their thoughts a little more with a lot of witnesses.

I had a friend who was very manipulative, totally fear based and had a pattern of a lot of former friends. At some level I felt sorry for him, but it was too toxic and i had to let go. I realized later we were friends when my mother and I weren't speaking and I was able to work through some family stuff.

I started to attend Unity Church and found people who thought about being successful and careful about what they thought and said. There was more love and talk about abundance, letting go of lack and limitation.

They also got me to take an acting class and to rekindle a love I have always had for performing. Now that is friendship.Please come to our Prosperity Coffee on Thursday mornings sometime.Thanks,Jim

I believe, that all realtionships that are formed initially by default are negative.Why ? they share common past,they take the present as it is, and the futur? god knows where?By default, I mean, common relegious beliefs,neighborhood, social class,geographical area,anscestry,school,family,political affiliation,....etc.Just compare the people who are in the getto and the persons who got out of it -physically and mentally. you may got the idea what I am trying to say

Hi Randy,I´ve being working with MLM for more than 10 years by now. I can garantee that i had much more negative people around me, trying to "wake up" me, than positive people being suportive.I had a very bad mentality about this, because the major part of those people were my family and friends. I thought they were trying to help me.So many things changed since than, but the negative ones are still negatives, even with my success.I think a negative mind is a desease that spread like fire, and is very difficult to give it up.You, my friend, is doing a marvelous work to break this paradigma in many minds around the word.Keep the good work.Best regards from Brazil.

Tony, you can hide the status updates of your Facebook friends without disconnecting the friendship. That's what I've done with the whining, complaining ones that are otherwise lovely people. There are others that I have cut off completely - especially the ones that have been hostile, aggressive or nasty. That's what I love about Facebook - I can stay in touch with so many people whilst filtering what I want to read.

Hi Eric,I enjoyed your post, especially the part about "look upwards." I have a fortune cookie taped to my bathroom mirror, way up at the top that says, "do not burden yourself with trivial matters." But you must look up to see it there!...your words were beautiful. Now, I am looking upwards to people who inspire me, and you did!!!Will you reach down to me and grab me by the arm and pull me up to higher levels???

well, right!If you want the world to change, you have to change!When I was in my twenties, I had some years when I had to listen to negative comments about me everyday.It almost killed me.But I guess if I met them today they wouldn´t dare to say those things because I have changed!It is not so easy to handle these things as it seams.Thanks for brilliant thoughts!