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Thursday, March 10, 2011

In Vein;

I have only had surgery twice in my life.

Well, actual surgery where you need to be put to sleep. I had it two years ago for a cyst removal, and I had it yesterday for wisdom tooth extraction. Both times, I woke up and I began to cry immediately. I don't know exactly why this happened, and I can't seem to remember what my thoughts were when I first came out of the haze.

I think this is the most frustrating part about being "put to sleep". I have been trying all day to remember what was going through my head when I first woke up, only to realize that I can't even remember falling asleep. This is the scariest thought in the world for me. I can't believe that there is something that can completely take over my senses to the point where I cannot even remember what has happened. Even in my drunkest moments, I am usually able to remember at least small details about what I did or said. All that I remember from yesterday was the small prick, and the doctor telling me that they were going to start the anesthesia. I remember him asking me if I had written a note for them on my arm. I looked down, and I had written "don't eat or drink anything" for myself in order to not break the rules. After that, I don't remember anything.

I hate that. I hate not knowing what happened. Falling asleep and waking with no understanding and the most intense pain where my teeth used to be.