FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: The 2011 VH1 Best Cruise Ever

VH1 is a very giving network, but perhaps no other gift of theirs is greater than the gift of the Best Cruise Ever, a 5 day journey to Mexico where one finds themselves on board an ocean liner crammed with musicians and bliss. Last year, we took you on a journey of all the things we learned on the Best Cruise Ever. But this year, I figured “Why put you through all the boring prose when what the people really want to see are pictures?”

So get those rum runners out, fire up that SPF 50, and prepare yourself for this. For Your Consideration: This this VH1’s 2011 Best Cruise Ever!

GIRLS MOST DESPERATE TO FOOL, THEN SLEEP WITH RUSSELL BRAND

The Katy Perry Mafia on Music Video Night

THIS WOMAN WILL NEVER WASH THE FRONT OF HER BODY AGAIN

Do you have any idea how much Train sweat is going for these days? A LOT. (via ArtistApproach)

OH LOOK, MY FAVORITE DELI!

This “Deli” In Mexico

I HAVE GREAT RAPPORT WITH CARNIVAL CRUISE SHIP CAPTAINS FROM ALL WALKS OF LIFE

Leave it to me to press up against the old salty Groucho captain while the lead of Italy’s Twilight sits there cold and unloved. As a side-note: The Carnival staff were the hottest people on the boat, but I don’t think they’re allowed to mingle with us commoners, which is a tragedy.

MOST SHOCKINGLY ACCURATE ADAM LAMBERT IMPERSONATOR

This Guy, and his friend, who also kind of looks like Lambies

IT’S ALWAYS TOO SOON FOR HAMMERPANTS

BEST REUNION EVER

I never realized how empty my life was without constant daily Lifehouse concerts until the Best Cruise Ever. We really missed these guys! Here’s Jason Wade and Ben Carey getting into it.

MY NEW LIFE GOAL IS TO BE RICH ENOUGH TO AFFORD A LIFE-SIZED PAINTING OF SEA-SICK BARBRA STREISAND

SORRY PIPPA MIDDLETON! ACTUAL CUTEST TINY HAT CAN BE FOUND HERE

Some people woke up at 6 am to watch the Royal Wedding on the Serenity Deck. I woke up at 10 am to watch a bowl of Cheerios get inhaled first person before hosting a Wet T-Shirt Contest.

THIS IS THE DUDE THAT WON THE WET T-SHIRT CONTEST

Yes! This guy beat out Brazilian Eddie for the prize! If you can’t understand how that happened, let me assure you that his ~moves~ were enough to send me to the nearest First Response just to be safe.

JENNIFER ANISTON IS LITERALLY EVERYWHERE

Colbie Callait proves that for some people, life is very fair. (via ArtistApproach)

WAS THERE A PROM LIMO IN 8 MILE? BECAUSE I THINK IT DROVE US AROUND COZUMEL.

It was like going to prom in your sh*tty beach clothes after surviving a drive by, i.e. TRIP HIGHLIGHT.

SOMETIMES, AN OCCASION CALLS FOR BOTH A TIARA AND A TOP HAT

As this one did. Here I am post-karaoke-bliss with a gaggle of fellow VH1-ers.

MOST CONVINCING MUSICAL PRODUCTION OF LONG DONG SILVER

Here I am posting with the best cover band on board, the fine gentlepeoples of Yacht Rock Revue, who accompanied me on stage during Sunday’s “Pop Culture Trivia” segment. It was also at this same show that I was heckled for the first time ever on the ocean, by a Louis Vuitton garment bag with Kate Gosselin hair. She was stunning, so I probably deserved it.

TALL PEOPLE TO THE BACK

Here’s the VH1 family only hours before the Best Cruise Ever departed from shore. It would be only 4 days later that the lot of us had trouble making eye contact with each other.

BIGGEST PIANIST

The Script lead singer Danny O’Donoghue also plays the piano, in addition to his many talents. (via ArtistApproach)

LISTEN, THE SCRIPT, IT’S IN THE BAG. YOU DON’T NEED TO DO A BACKFLIP INTO THE PO–

Look, The Script can do whatever the f**k they want. Also, this is impressive, don’t front. (via ArtistApproach)

GREATEST MUSICAL DISCOVERY

Civil Twilight. I almost don’t want to blow up their spot here, fearing that if I say too many nice things you’ll think that I’m doing this because I have to as a Vh1 employee instead of a living breathing human being. So you know what? Don’t Google them. It’s fine. I’ll wait. (8 minute pause.) Right? Exactly.

MAN MOST LIKELY TO FULFILL MY DREAM OF TOUCHING A BRAZILIAN DENNIS QUAID

Eddie From Brazil. We love you Eddie!

ALL ABOARD

Who is up for starting a cover band with me called “The Train Train”?

BEST TITANIC GOOF

All I know is if our ship would have hit an iceberg in the Gulf of Mex, surely Nikki Jean would have played us out. (via ArtistApproach)

MOST POWERFUL RED BULL AND VODKA

Are you suuuure there are no Mexican Diet Pills in this drink? Alright. (Results above.) (via ArtistApproach)

BREAKOUT BEST CRUISE EVER STAR

VH1’s Jim Shearer, looking furious, and his band “Deck of Jacks.” Rumor has it they were the secret biggest hit of the 2011 BCE. (via ArtistApproach)

BEST POCKET TELEPHONE

Our friend Alison Becker as Lady Gaga. The drunker we got, the more Alison would “take calls” on her phone.

FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I HAVE EVER ACTUALLY FELT ACCOMPLISHED

The cruise had two of these banners floating around with my face on it, sans bangs. I’ve led a colorful life, but this sign was the first time in my entirety that I thought “Oh shit. This is big.” It is my Warhol.

GIVE THE LADIES A LOTTA TASTE

Lead singer Patrick Monahan knows what his fans want. It got even sexxier at the on-board car wash. (via ArtistApproach)

“THE MOST JUDGMENTAL MERMAID” STARRING MEGHAN FOX

Best Cruise Ever Banners are all “Maybe that’s not the right bikini for your frame.”