David McLansky

What If Columbus Was a Really Nice Fella? (A Riff)

We bargained hard for MississippiTo be the Country line, Iowa was furious And said the West was mine, No one wanted FloridaExcept the Seminole, A land of snakes and crocodiles, If the truth be told; The Mexicans waged a brutal warAgainst The Gathering of Tribes, They had a tiff with FerdinandWhen Cochise refused a bribe; Marijuana became the chief exportOf Idaho to the East; The tonnage was in Clark's ReportWho got The Munchies at a feast; The Revolution petered outIn the cluttered colonies, Jefferson moved to Australia, Where the Aborigines were free; Newark became the CapitalOf the Western British IslesLincoln became a shoe salesmanFamous for his smile.