Is Ciara Blaming Women for Being Single?

Ciara is under attack for her controversial comments advising single women. She posted an Instagram post that contained a portion of a sermon by minister John Gray that said "too many women want to be married but are walking in the spirit of ‘girlfriend.’ When you carry yourself in the spirit of wife, a husband will find you."

Many took to Twitter to say her comments were sexist and insulting to women. Some saw her post as blaming women for being single instead of looking at how men’s behavior may keep women from getting married. Others said that Ciara was hypocritical to lecture women about how to catch a husband after her messy split from rapper Future before her marriage to Seattle Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson.

Ciara commented on the controversy in an Instagram post and clarified her comments.

"I was once that girl wanted to be loved a certain way but was making the wrong choices," said Ciara. "I found myself at my lowest moment. I was a single mom sitting at home, and I then realized that the perfect love I was looking for was how God loves me, how He wants me to be loved, and how He was calling me to be a mom and a woman. That’s when I realized married or not married…I needed to love myself. #LevelUp"

While Ciara claimed she didn’t mean to offend women, many women, especially Black women, rightfully felt they were being slut-shamed. Women often feel they have to change who they are or be a dutiful 1950’s version of a housewife to land a husband. Ciara’s post reinforced a stereotype that women have to fit some premade mold to get a husband and can’t just be themselves.

Not only does this antiquated belief hurt women, but it also hurts men, too. As Amber Rose mentioned in comments last year, attitudes like Ciara’s teach men not to value women who are open with their sexuality.

"As a society, we teach our boys to treat women a certain way, or you treat women with respect, but if a woman is promiscuous ― which, I literally hate that word ― but if a girl makes a conscious decision to have multiple sex partners or has had multiple relationships or has a reputation of having sex, she’s a “hoe.” Period. It’s just how it is. She’s a hoe, she’s unwife-able, you can’t take her seriously, and she’s disgusting, right? That’s what society teaches boys," said Rose.

Gabrielle Union offers more sex-positive advice to single women in her new book, We’re Going to Need More Wine. Union tells women to reclaim their sexual power whether they’re married or single. "Enough with teaching people to pretend that sex is only for procreation and only upon taking the marital oath," said Union in her book.

While Ciara meant well in her posts, Union’s advice is a more modern take on women’s sexuality that lets women decide for themselves if they’re wife material- if they even choose to get married.