"Loser!" "Would a loser have two tickets to Monday Night Nitro, live from Cheyenne?" "Yes." There you have it, folks. I wanted to like "Ready to Rumble." Really. I think David Arquette is the thinking man's Adam Sandler. Professional wrestling isn't on TV enough. Stars like Gorilla Monsoon, Haystacks Calhoun and Gorgeous George never got the recognition they deserved. The current craze will ensure immortality for serious wrestling artists of the future. But a movie made for wrestling fans that makes fun of wrestling fans? That cuts a little too close to the vicarious masochism at the heart of pro wrestling's core constituency. Also, it's not funny. It is disgusting though, which may be enough. The best scene was when our dimly lit heroes, Gordie (Arquette) and Sean (Scott Caan)--whose movie-long mission is to bring the defeated Jimmy King (doughboy Oliver Platt, of all people) out of forced retirement--take a break from emptying portable toilets in Wyoming and eat lunch behind their leaking truck. Well, it's the best scene we can actually describe. A number of real-life wrestling stars (Diamond Dallas Page, Bill Goldberg, Sid Vicious, Bam Bam Bigelow) as well as the Oscar-winning Martin Landau are in the picture. They should all be very proud.