Ex-Blur bassist gets call-up from UN

Alex James, the cheesemaker, classical musician, newspaper columnist, panel show host, fete opening radio presenting former bassist with Blur confirmed today that he had been approached by the United Nations to take a lead roll in searching for a 'just, peaceful and ultimately cool' solution to the crisis engulfing Libya.
'Yeah, it's true' said Mr James. 'I did this, like, GCSE history project on the North Africa Corp - you know, Rommel and shit. I really got into all that sand stuff'
Mr James caught the eye of Ban Ki Moon when he appeared on the BBC reality show "Diplomat" last year, coming a close last behind "that lad who plays the evil one in Coronation Street" as celebrities battled it out to see who would be the first to reunite the two Koreas.
'I'm sure he'll be great' said Mr Moon, 'and his agent gave us a good deal. All he needs to do is keep talking to Gaddafi until he capitulates. And he's free to write about it in the Telegraph, publish a book, write a song - whatever. We want him to get to work immediately.'
"Yeah I won't be going over there myself' said the guitar player. 'I'll send Mike who makes my cheese. Wasn't it Jesus who said "blessed are the cheesemakers?" I saw it in a film once."

Or Jamie Oliver, who now tells us how to run our schools on the basis of him being a chef. I'm sure he would have a word with Gaddaffi: 'Look, geezer, you ain't in a good place, buddy, so I reckon we ought to waz this place up a bit so it's pukka for all the guys and gals.' Gaddaffi will think he's going mad, and resign immediately. Come to think of it, he IS mad...