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Weaned by 2....

First, I thought I'd nurse only a year, well that came and went. Then, I thought I wanted to be done by 2 years, but since she turned 1 I am considering lettting DD self wean. She is almost 19 months and still nursing 3-4 times a day, sometimes more. DH wants her to be weaned by the time she is 2 period. We have discussed this several times and he won't let up on it. I have argued everything from health benefits, to emotional, etc. He did let me go past 1 year....so I guess I gotta give somewhere. Problem is, he deploys this summer until next year and DD turns 2 in October (while he's away). I recently went back to work, she will be starting daycare next week, have been trying potty training too. The way I see it, she just got used to me working, (DH watches her until next week), she'll be starting daycare, DH is deploying, and potty training, then she has to wean in a few months? The kid has a lot going on right now. I am trying to do one at a time and give her a break. I may let up on potty training until she adjusts to everything else. How am I supposed to have her weaned by 2? She has cut back on one session a day already, so that's progress. (sometimes I feel she makes up for it by nursing as soon as I get home and 30 mins later ) I do want to wean, but maybe only partially. What do I tell DH?

Re: Weaned by 2....

Personally, I don't think this is a decision that your DH can make. He's not breastfeeding, so he doesn't get to decide when to wean. Will you take his feelings and ideas into consideration? Absolutely! But does he get the final say? I just don't think that's fair. I get the need to compromise, but I would just tell him, you ARE weaning, but it's going to be a bit more gradual than he wants.

When moms do wean their babies, usually dad can help out more with bedtimes, to help that transition go easier. So another thing you can say is that you're not going to do it all alone, without his help. When DH gets back, then you can "talk" about him helping you to wean, you know? It seems like DH thinks the decision is his to make (which I disagree with) and he also thinks that the burden of doing it should be all on you (which I also disagree with, esp since it's not your choice).

Anyway, I know, you're probably not wanting to start a big "thing" right before DH deploys, but I think you're in the right here. My DH never imagined I'd still be nursing Joe at this age, either. In his case, I think he sees that the benefits outweigh the negatives for HIM, as well as Joe. (Less waking up at night!)

You can call me JoMo!

Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

Re: Weaned by 2....

I would tell him that you're all going through a lot of changes and that you will work on weaning, but you can't possibly set an end date. And that the end date is really going to be up to you and your child... as long as you and your child are happy, there is no reason to stop doing it.

Re: Weaned by 2....

I feel that the breastfeeding relationship is between mom and baby. Period. So, from my perspective you and/or baby make the decision, not dh

With that said, there is no right or wrong way. You just do what works best for the both of you You'll find a groove. My motto is "if one of us is crying more than we are smiling, we need to try a new approach"

~Jenn~

mother of 2 boys!08/14/98~~03/20/08Birth: 7lbs 12oz, 1 year: 22lbs 11oz until he self-weaned 4 days before his third birthday ... still on occasion ... and happily ************************************************** ************************************************** *****************People need to understand that when they're deciding between breastmilk and formula, they're not deciding between Coke and Pepsi.... They're choosing between a live, pure substance and a dead substance made with the cheapest oils available. ~Chele Marmet

Re: Weaned by 2....

Originally Posted by @llli*mommy2lilah

Why does he feel that way? Because nobody else he knows is doing it?

Pretty much, yes. His mom nursed but only up to a year, one was 9 months. I have one friend that BF for 6 weeks, she quit because it was inconvenient, and tells me all the time it would be too weird if her kid was DD's age and grabbing at her shirt, etc...I think hearing that bothers him a bit.

He feels as though DD won't be independent, will be too attatched to me, it's "weird" for her to ask and lift my shirt. DD just started asking to "nooohse" (nurse). I love it and she gets sooo excited when I am home and we are about to sit down to nurse. I can't take that away from her. I am trying to cut back but don't want to fully stop. DH has fully supported me, but has been vocal since the 1 year mark about it being time to stop.

Re: Weaned by 2....

I'm sorry, but this statement made me LET you? You're a grown woman, no man, not even your DH "lets" you do anything.

The point is that you have just as much as much say as your DH. He doesn't get to cancel you out or make you do anything. You are both equally parents. The way that DH and I deal with situation like this is that the status quo remains until we have an agreement. We don't change until there's an agreement to change.

Fact of the matter is that the moment you introduce solid foods, you are weaning. So you're already actively doing that. Personally, I wouldn't enforce a date to wean. If he asks, just say it's ongoing. If you give him updates about dropped sessions, he'll be satisfied with that. Especially when you also tell him all of the other wonderful things LO is doing.

Re: Weaned by 2....

Originally Posted by @llli*amysmom

Fact of the matter is that the moment you introduce solid foods, you are weaning. So you're already actively doing that. Personally, I wouldn't enforce a date to wean. If he asks, just say it's ongoing. If you give him updates about dropped sessions, he'll be satisfied with that. Especially when you also tell him all of the other wonderful things LO is doing.

I agree too about him "letting" you go past a year. I don't know. When you get into a situation where you have to choose between your partner and your child, that's a tough spot to be in.

For me, nursing is a NEED for the child and weaning is a WANT for the man, so he doesn't feel embarrassed - not that he should. Needs beat out wants every single time in my family.

Re: Weaned by 2....

with the PPs.

FWIW, I personally promise that nursing your LO will not make her less independent. Trust me. My big girl nursed until age 3 and she is the queen of "I will do it MYSELF!". And her preschool teachers always comment on how independent she is.

This is a situation where I feel like the burden of proof is on your DH. The benefits of nursing and extended nursing are clear and well-researched. If he wants to contend his point, let him find some research that backs him up. And good luck to him if he tries, because there isn't any.

ETA: that being said, if you decide to wean we'll help you with that. Sometimes couples must compromise even when one party is being completely unreasonable. But this is one area where you should not have to compromise!

ETA2: another thing to consider is just how different nursing a 2 year-old is from nursing a 1 year-old or even an 18 month-old. At a year, at 18 months, the baby is still so dependent on the breast and has no or very few manners. By age 2, the kid is generally nursing a lot less and you can teach them nice nursing manners- like no lifting mama's shirt in public!

Re: Weaned by 2....

One thing I wish I had realized before I weaned Lilah was that I could have had her down to maybe three or four nursings a day long before I ever tried to set limits. That would have looked less strange to people in my family that are not so comfortable with breastfeeding. More importantly, it would have eliminated sessions that were rather annoying to me.