i am genius level

2005.11.13

This week Madonna will release twelve new fast-paced high-energy tracks in the form of a new CD, Confessions On A Dancefloor. Let me take you there with my review of the grey-market version I downloaded yesterday morning...

We begin this new and exciting chapter of Madonna's musical career with the highly anticipated single, "Hung Up." I always judge an album by the first track: it's the artist's opportunity to make an impression on the listener. My favorite part of the track is how there's this keyboard playing a medieval melody throughout! Oh yeah, and when AJ described the video to me, I misunderstood him and pictured Madonna licking a refrigerator instead of humping a boom box. Honest mistake, but it makes my "Hung Up" experience that much more interesting.

For those of you who have never listened to a hardcore dance album, you'll be surprised to never hear a pause in the beats. Madonna brings it to those who dare: twelve tracks flowing in and out of each other continuously; just under sixty minutes of back-breaking beats (no ballads need apply).

I have learned to turn the volume down just as track two approaches. While "Get Together" draws you in with a sultry house beat, the ringing telephone-y sound at the start will kill ear drums if the volume is pumped too loud. "Sorry" is maybe one of the only "slow" songs on the album. It feels much more mellow and the strings in the background add to the ambiance. Ready yourself for the international experience when Madonna takes great lengths to enunciate her apologies in several languages. I feel very European after hearing "Sorry" for the fifth time today.

Fast-forward to "Future Lovers" and Madonna will tell you about love. She'll ask you to forget your life, problems, administration, bills, and loans. The refrain is poetic: "In the evidence of its brilliance." The first few times, I was like "what the hell is she saying" but then I looked up the lyrics. Of course, this song reminds me of two instances: 1) Madonna's new documentary called "I'm Going To Tell You A Secret" that AJ and I just finished watching on Friday and 2) Ewan McGreggor in Moulin Rouge saying "this is a story about ... love."

Moving on. In her documentary, Madonna and company had this nasty habit of writing each other poems... But they weren't really poems, they were horribly awful couplets... You know, two short lines that have the same amount of syllables and rhyme. They rhyme, people. Enter track number five. "I Love New York" literally made my cry. Here's a preview: "I don't like cities, but I like New York / Other places make me feel like a dork." And the first two lines of verse two: "If you don't like my attitude, then you can F-off / Just go to Texas, isn't that where they golf?" I listened to that song once and it's enough for the rest of my lifetime. Certainly the sink hole song of the album.

The good news is after listening to track five, you gain such an appreciation for my favorite track on the disk, "Let It Will Be." Very danceable, my favorite aspects of the song are the stacked vocals. If Madonna released this as a single, the video would totally do the 80s thing where there are a million shadows dancing behind the main Madonna. She almost sounds alien when the vocals are jammed together like they are.

Perhaps my favorite part about this CD is the part when you realize that "Forbidden Love" is not a reworked version of one of my all-time favorite Madonna tracks from Bedtime Stories, but a totally new song titled "Forbidden Love." Isn't it great that Madonna has so many flippin' songs that she can start recycling themes and track names? This feels like the second slow jam on the disk. The refrain is very melodic.

AJ emailed me and let me know that he really liked "Jump" as one of his favorite tracks on the disk. If you're listening to the album in order like I am as I write my review, you'll instantly feel like you're back in the club scene after slow jam number seven. I personally feel that the song could have been much stronger if she didn't use the word "jump" as many times as she did in the refrain. Beyond that, a solid song.

Pressing on to "How High," another of my must-hears on the album, we're greeted by a groaning synthesizer. It finally gives way to Madonna's processed voice, kind of speaking the lyrics to the refrain. Madonna shines again lyrically when she assembles the names of two songs she's recorded in the past and jams them together to form the line "nobody's perfect / I guess I deserve it."

When the track listing for the new album was released, Madonna took some flack for naming one of her songs "Isaac," supposedly because the name is not to be used to promote something that's not part of the teachings of her church. If you saw the documentary, "I'm Going To Tell You A Secret," I have a feeling that the name "Madonna" has become synonymous with "Kabbalah." Since I don't have any physical CD in front of me, I can't know who to credit for their vocal performance. I'm sure it's a Jewish chant or prayer that this guy is singing. I really like it, reminds me of a techno "Desert Rose."

By track number eleven, everyone's freaking tired. "Push" is highly annoying. I don't even feel motivated to look up the lyrics. I will comment, however, that the refrain reminds me of another Madonna track, "Like a Prayer." Finally you've come to the end of the album. Track twelve, AKA "Like It Or Not" produces lyrical gems like "Sticks and stones will break my bones / But your names will never hurt." Some of these absurd lyrics make me wonder if she just sat down with her kids, gave them a pen, let them have at it, and then put them to the techno beats her producer came up with.

Kudos to Madonna, seriously though, for taking us there. She's almost half a century old and she's still rockin' the clubs and licking the refrigerators of my mind. This is a solid album and I can't wait to misinterpret the next video.

2005.11.06

Some of you may remember that I endorsed Ashlee Simpson's debut CD, Autobiography, last summer. Well here I am again, right in the thick of it for round two with I Am Me.

Let's begin by defining Ashlee's brand of music as "guilty pleasure." Do I belt out "Boyfriend" as I'm driving to work everyday? Sure. Do I make sure the windows are rolled up so as to not embarrass myself? Absolutely.

I always should remind you guys that I don't listen to the radio. I own 7 iPods and have a 6 disk in-dash MP3 CD player in my try-to-be-eco-friendly Ford Focus. I seriously don't have to deal with the static on the radio. I found out about Ashlee's new CD the way I always find out about new albums: I check out the new and future releases page on Amazon. "Boyfriend" then hit iTunes and I listened to a sample. Before I know what I'm doing, I'm downloading the album on the day of release.

On first listen, I was severely disappointed. Autobiography had an infectious pop/rock soul while her sophomore offering had too many slow songs, no blatantly obvious genre, and uninspired lyrics: "what ya been doin' / whoa, whoa / haven't seen ya 'round." After a few spins with the disk, it was easy to separate my favorite songs from the bargain basement tracks. "Boyfriend" is so addictive that when I emailed the sample to AJ, he was embarrassed to admit that he liked it. In my car, I always fast forward through tracks two and three, straight to "L.O.V.E.," if only because I love a good tambourine. The song itself doesn't make much sense and is maybe the most out of character song for Simpson, harnessing an almost dance-partish aura while the vocals jump between droning and screaming. But hey, it works for me.

My favorite track, "Coming Back For More," is more of an art imitating life lesson for me. This one's very pop/rock-esque, an instant connection to the Ashlee of yore. FFW to "Burning Up." I recalled the story of the first time I heard the song to AJ by telling him that I was into the reggae-ish beat of the song as it first came on and then thinking "what the hell is this crap?" while the refrain echoed in an almost off-key fashion in my head. It grew on me. I don't know about AJ.

"I Am Me," the title track of this second release debacle, first plays as a disk one reject: wailing guitar, screaming refrain, whoa-ing to the fade. But like most of the other songs on the CD, a few listens later and you can't get the song out of your head. You even start whoa-ing along to the end of the song. Did I mention that Ashlee is one of my guilty pleasure artists?

Sorry for her, the last track of the album may very well be the worst song ever arranged. "Say Goodbye" is obviously a Jessica Simspon reject. The 80s musical arrangement, ethereal backing vocals, and poor Ashlee sounds more like she's got to go to the bathroom than sing this emotional song... I can't believe her record company let her throw this crap together, yeah?

But for me, the good kinda outweighs the bad and the CD was a solid purchase for moi. On my wishlist for her next album would be more solid pop/rock anthems. We know her band can play them, we know she can sing them (or do we?), and we know that it sells. I never want to hear her sing another song that sounds like it was from the 80s. If these conditions can be met, she's got a fan for life in me.

2005.11.03

I'm having the hardest time trying to figure out what I want to blog about. There is no shortage of fodder, mind you. I think I'm just being pretty lazy. Actually, I moved around the formatting of the blog for fall and now if I want to post, I have to make it kind of long for it to be worthwhile. So I finally think I've saved up enough information to blog about to make a new post worth reading.

We'll start with my iPod.

Don is buying me an iPod as a birthday/holiday present x2 (I requested all last year and all this year to save his dollars and get me something big down the road). So he ponied up $400 and I'm getting a black iPod (with video capabilities)! But here's the funny part: I bought a 2gb white nano for myself as my birthday present to myself (last year I bought me a car). Then I found out that the nano was not big enough for my calendars, photos, and music, so I found a "refreshed" 4gb black nano on super discount and totally bought the crap out of it (and totally couldn't afford this). To justify the purchase, I used the $400 Don gave me toward a 60gb black iPod and bought both the refreshed 4gig nano and 30gig iPod. I love that 30gb iPod. It's so thin and beautiful. If you haven't seen the nano or new iPod in person, it's time for you to get your butt into an Apple Store...

So I tell everyone I know (and even people I've just met) that I'm new to the stock market and I'm so excited to learn about how it works. For the most part, people are supportive (the people on the street that I'm blabbing to, mostly), then I tell my family. The tato is all like "how much are you spending to make the trade" and "do you know you have to fill out all these [crazy] extra tax forms and the IRS is going to audit [your ass]" and I was all like "whatevs, it's $85." I really hope this doesn't blow up in my face.

So being an Apple user, I am always looking for new facts about the brand. Today I wowed my family (not really, the tato tried to one-up me and failed) by telling them that the Mac doesn't have a "defrag" program because it's always "optimizing" itself when you install new programs and restart. I kind of always knew this because the installation of a new program is never complete until you go through this five minute "optimization" process. It just felt good to be validated.

Last week I recommended the new Flock browser. Everyday I check VersionTracker and see what kind of new freeware and shareware is blowin' it up. While I've got all sorts of Mac download recommendations, I decided that I needed to let my peeps know about Meebo this week. It's not a download, it's a chat client that's built into your web browser. You can sign into AIM, Yahoo!Messenger, MSN, and Gtalk/Jabber all at the same time and all through your browser. I can see this as being a workaround if you don't want to install IM software or maybe if you're on a network where you can't install software. I've been using Meebo on Firefox and Safari and Opera and it's been working great. The site was created with AJAX, a programming language that's becoming more and more popular when creating these auto-updating futuristic webpages. Very cool, very exciting, and my recommendation for the free product you've got to check out this week.