Friday, 29 June 2012

All aboard the Aussie Bang Bus

There must be something about travelling overseas, its as if the moment you
step on the plane your sex appeal triples and you are ready to get some loving.
I have myself experienced this phenomenon but something that has become
apparent to me on my last few trips is that like seeks like. You travel the
world to sample local dishes, but you generally end up banging someone from
your own country.... why is this?

I get told constantly that when you stop looking for something it will end
up landing in your lap, so could this be part of the appeal of a "Holiday
Romance" if you will? You are on holidays, you are free of concerns and
work stresses and you just want to let your hair down. Its a well known fact
when you are happy you will attract people into your sphere of being. Does
happiness lead to fornication?

I will be the first to admit that when I am on holidays I find myself
gravitating towards the bars that are full of Gaijins (this is the Japanese
word for Foreigner or Ghost Person) and this is generally for the simple fact
that when I am by myself I like to have other people that can actually speak my
language. When I was in Tokyo I was constantly drawn to a Dodgy bar in Roppongi
(think Northbridge but 10 times more seedy and filled with Nigerians) called
Gas Panic and the main reason that I kept going back there was because it was
full of lots of whiteys that actually spoke English (and the bar tender did
magic tricks which also fueled my desire to go back to the bar cause fuck,
everyone loves magic). I dont think I ever went there with the specific
intention to take someone home but after some social lubraication things start
to happen (I would like to point out that I didnt actually take anyone home
from here, I did possibly make out with a very very very very good looking
french Guy called Alex, but then I possibly rainbow coloured his shoes and that
was the end of that) but I am sure that I am not the only one that this happens
to.

Going to a destination that is highly populated by Australians would also
not be helping the cause, I recently returned from a short trip to Bali and
without a word of a lie you couldnt swing a cat without hitting an Aussie, so
really are you setting yourself up for some home grown talent if you choose to
holiday in a local talent rich area? This trip I managed to evade this
situation but on past trips I have not fared so well, welcome to the world of banged up
abroad.

Looking like this how did I not get laid whilst in Bali?

Aussie Number 1 - Japan 2010

The trip had been planned for ages, I was excited and nervous and all which
ways of 10 shades to get there. I was meeting some friends at the destination
and on the day of my arrival they were remarking to the other travelling
companions "Kerry gets here today!!!" to which the companion replied
"Who is Kerry?" well this question in itself is proposterous, because
honestly how could anyone not know who I am, I am kinda a big deal. After
hanging out for a few hours, enjoying some beverages and some partying I excused
myself and headed to the ladies room, on hearing a noise I turned to find I was
being followed by Aussie Number 1, I used the facilities and on exciting came
face to face with AN1 who dazzled me with these words "So you are
Kerry?" and then he started to suck my face off. On speaking with my
friends since, apparently this is the patent move. 1. Drink 2. Toilet 3. Make
Out. I must have missed the memo on this one because up until that point I had
been unaware of this. But now I know, if
the need shall arise I will be sure to take full advantage of it, because I am
sure hanging out outside a toilet and waiting to suck someones face off is
actually not as creepy as it sounds. As you can imagine the amount of flack we
copped from everyone for our "Holiday Romance" was pretty high. In
their minds why would you travel to the otherside of the world to try something
you could have at home (I put it down to the care free attitude because
honestly that kid was pretty much out of my league or it could be the fact there
werent many other girls there and he was desperate).

I lie, actually I hooked up with this beer fridge

Aussie Number 2 - Japan 2011

I went on this trip with a firm belief that I would not drink from the
Perth cup (or any cup at all) while away vacationing. I rocked up to my
destination, got a feel for things and then happened across a young lad with a
Western Australian Flag Stick proudly emblazoned in clear sight. I was amazed
to see him, because if he was from WA, how was it that I didnt know who he was
(lets just say the scene is small) and on getting to chat to him realised that
he was actually a pretty awesome guy. We spent the rest of the week hanging out
but nothing happened until the addition of Alcohol and Partying... you know
that same old story, and one thing led to another. I was kicking myself that I
had infact done the one thing that I had admonished myself that I wouldnt. I
guess there was nothing that I could do about it but laugh and it was a pretty
enjoyable experience. It is totally true that you cant help who you are
attracted to.

Liking Hip Hop gets you laid apparently

There may possibly be a divinity in the sexes though, because all the boys
I have travelled with a super keen to get on board of the sushi train, where
for a girl (or possibly its just me) the prospect of Asian delacy doesnt
actually excite me that much. I will admit that I have listened to the stereo
type, by no means do I have sleeve of wizard but I like to feel whats going on
down there. One interesting thing I did find out from a friend that did ride
the sushi train was that the asian like pubic hair.... how strange is that?
Maybe if I was to travel to non asian destinations my view on riding the train
may change.

What makes Australians so attractive to other Australians while out
adventuring in the big blue yonder? For me it was accidental coincidences that
saw me batting out of my league causeing a trend to appears, Bang an Aussie
Abroad and lift your batting average? Pretty Sure I hit this one out of the
park. So if you happen upon another Aussie and the local delights do not indeed
take your fancy, take it from me, you could be doing a lot worse. But remember
kids, if its not on, it is most defienently NOT ON

You can never be too careful

Love and "Gloves"

Miss K

P.S Maybe I should take this time to say again the importance of safe sex, you can sort out a baby but when your junk falls off thats a bit harder to fix. Use necessary methods to cover yourself and get tested regularly. I recently went to get tested just for my own piece of mind and after the Old Indian Doctor making a joke that they would call me because they couldnt have me running around with Chlamydia, I am happy to announce, In your face Old Indian Doctor Lady, I am still free from the Herp or other nasties. I take pride in my clean disease free vagina and you should as well