After a week of severe pain and going to work with a fever, I was finally told that I “look like death” and bribed into going to the doctor. So I went to Urgent Care (cause it was Saturday afternoon by the time I got around to going). They sent me to the ER because I needed imaging done and looked too hellish to wait until Monday. So I got the kind of “cool” ultrasound that would make Scott Walker proud, told that I had fibroids and an infection, given antibiotics, and a ridiculous bill. I took my pills and followed up with my doctor. I was miserable for many days. I was tired, depressed, confused, and feverish.

So that was many weeks ago. However said pain has not gone away. I went back to doctor and was told “There’s no reason for you to still be experiencing pain.” And I was sent on my way.

So, since there is no reason for me to still be in pain and everyone keeps telling me this is in my head, I’m left wondering what the hell is wrong with me.

After consulting with my circle of people (which happens to include many therapists of different orientations as well as people who read too much), my options have been widdled down to:

Feeling that someone is stabbing a knitting needle through my left ovary
Exhaustion
Ennui
Self-Loathing
Staring blankly at things without realizing that people are talking to me
Desire to read a lot of Murakami