Chan Lowe: "Sarah Palin" to strip at GOP convention in Tampa

"Sarah Palin" to strip at GOP convention in Tampa

August 16, 2012|by Chan Lowe

I’ve been sitting on this little nugget of news for some time, waiting for the right moment to exploit it. Now that Sarah Palin has been conspicuously non-invited to the Republican coronation, that moment has arrived.

The world’s most famous hockey mom, who caused conservative stalwarts to swoon at the convention a mere four years ago, is now persona non grata for fear of alienating the few voters who remain in play. As one operative put it, “The goal of this convention isn’t to make some people famous. It’s to get Mitt Romney elected.” Not that Ms. Palin needs any more fame, but it’s clear that after the 2008 debacle and her clownish performance therein, establishment Republicans would prefer that no more of hers rub off on the brand.

This isn’t to say that Ms. Palin isn’t still abundantly capable of making the wing nuts swell with…pride. Since the conservative poster girl won’t be setting hearts a-flutter from the podium, an enterprising gentlemen’s club operator has arranged to import the next-best thing (see cartoon, above) as a consolation prize.

If his bet pays off, it will conclusively prove that strict constitutional constructionists are not incapable of enjoying life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness while simultaneously tending to more serious matters. In this modern world, multitasking is what it’s all about.

Few people outside of political circles have ever heard of a Republican strategist named Mike Murphy, but he is known for one quotation that will immortalize him in the pantheon of punditry: “If Sarah Palin looked like Golda Meir, would we even be talking about her today?”

If you want proof of the veracity of his comment, look around Tampa strip clubs during the GOP convention and see if you can find any Golda Meir lookalikes.