Friday, June 7, 2013

day 2 with lightning

its a good thing i messaged lightning this morning, i was thinking he was flying home sunday, but it turned out he is flying home friday instead. so today (thursday) was my last chance to see him for some time. And this time we finally got to play omaha8, and it turns out that was a very wise choice, for we both did much better than when we played holdem. i won $110 and lightning won $126, in the $3-6 omaha8 at samstown, (i wouldnt mind playing that daily in vegas) but it ONLY runs on thursdays. see, if i was in Tampa instead of vegas, then i could play that daily, and maybe certain places in cali too. problem with vegas is most all the omaha games are $4-8. and the suncoast didnt have their omaha game on thursdays either. also the action at the table was quite loose for samstown.

Lightning wouldve liked the opportunity to see Jennifer or Vince but neither showed up. was hoping Vince would bring me the mail, the letter he got from SSI that i would be having a hearing, but he claims no date was set yet. hope he is right about that. id prefer to see the letter myself. i wonder what all ive missed out on, (such as rooms and freeplay i never knew about) when i gave up that PO box at the flamingo. saved me $20 a month, and i felt better not having to slip in and out of there picking up mail anymore, but still, it wouldve been a steady address to not worry about getting my mail.

Cutters room here in Jean is much bigger and nicer than the normal rooms, but still it only has a shower and no tub. i dont think a single room in the entire hotel has a tub. so none of the rooms can really be considered luxury rooms with no tub. which reminds me, i dont have a pair of swimming trunks anymore. also if i was ever living in vegas (or anywhere else) with the sleeping bag so i could be somewhere i can play poker, i have no idea what i would do with all my clothes etc. the only thing i could really carry on me would be the sleeping bag and laptop, where id put everything else i dunno. And i still dont feel safe using the sleeping bag in a place like vegas. too many fears of something happening while im asleep. Lightning was totally shocked the blackpimp really sent the bag. He didnt think he had it in him to actually do something nice for me.

also lightning met Cutter at Ballys sports book, and talked to him for about 2 hours, which included going across the street to the Westin and back. Also met an older guy from Yonkers who talked about machines at the racetrack, but said no VBJ there. he was wearing a river palms shirt and was familiar with the laughlin machines, and trying to keep an accurate count on them. he said he was fascinated that i, like him, enjoy numbers, and offered to back me in the $1-2NL at southpoint with him for $100 and go partners, but i didnt know him at all so wasnt comfortable riding there with him, and he also said he could only drive me 1 way. was afraid it mightve really been someone from RTP.

i will try and find out the hours of legal aid and where the office is later on today so i know about coming in, i really need the help of an attorny with this SSI because i dont understand why one state approved me and another state dont when essentially nothing has changed. But the real reason im not too keen in following up with this, is i fear getting in legal trouble sooner or later if i get back on SSI. u see once u are on SSI, u can never have over $2000, and im sure i will be over that most of the rest of my life. its absolutely amazing how much ive been under that in the last year. even in the days i was homeless alot far in the past, i was about $2000 or more a lot of the time. once u get too low, its very hard to ever recover. far more so today than in the old days where there wasnt all this money going down the hole in jackpot drops, and when i could play no ante stud and didnt have blinds eating me up.

But, i also know, if i could ever get back to $3-4k, i should be able to not ever get back in horrible shape. i would have enough to survive on. (not to get rich, thats what u need 20k for). but enough to grind out weekly rent each week and keep improving slightly. also 20 yrs ago, i wouldve still been doing nothing but playing poker live nonstop with this little of roll. Fear has taken over me since ive got old. fear of the streets, fear of change, fear of anything different, and i used to not mind homelessness, and saw it as a part of my life. now im doing anything to avoid it, and am afraid to go back to it. which is whats messing me up, because its keeping me from going into vegas and playing poker. Fear is absolutely paralyzing me in making any positive changes. Lightning agrees me playing this machine isnt no solution. (had i been able to play online from the room, maybe it wouldve worked, but not being able to do that has a really big effect). still, if i had the USB modem, maybe i still could.

yeah, not being able to have $2000 or more makes life hard, and its just not worth legal trouble. when u take SSI (if u want to be honest that is) u are pretty much condemning urself to long term poverty. and thats not something im comfortable with doing. which is why i resist it so much more than charity from friends. at least i feel that kind of financial help is a hand up and not something id need longterm, but short term. Poker has taken off in the past to where i quit panhandling (live panhandling that is) and my life was much better when gambling that panhandling. i dont feel like being trapped on ssi limited to not ever having money or losing the ssi, is my best solution. getting back to when i can clear $3000 a month at poker is a far better solution, but that will take money. surely everyone still believes that it takes money to make money?

notice though, even as little cash as i have, how much better i am playing poker. played in vegas only 2 times in the last month, and notice the results. won $32. won $58. lost $15. won $110. This shows i can still make it at poker. But its fear thats stopping me. fear of losing the final $1000 (which is my only security and stability in my life thats left). and its a fear i wouldnt have if i was being either staked or backed. and of course its also a fear i wouldnt have if i had $2000 more, so id have a much bigger cushion. essentially ive somehow gotten this idea in my head that the final $1000 can never be touched, and thats essentially how ive been living my life.

i never dreamed a day would ever come when id have $1000-1200, and be afraid to go play poker. i remember coming to vegas on my 21st birthday and after that many times before age 25, or other cities like iowa and st louis, with $500-1000 and thinking id have enough to not ever go broke and slowly build up a roll. Young people certainly think more optimistically than old folks. and some people still come to vegas with that little, and still play NL with $200 or so buyins, (instead of the tiniest of games) and start off winning and never look back. and in a way im envious of the freedom i feel they have to do that that i dont feel i have since im alot older than them. i feel like i wasted my life over the years, because had i managed it better, i couldve easily had way over $100k by now.

also i dont know if this can be done without big money, but id really like a chance to live where i can play on stars. if anyone can assist in arranging this, please let me know and how much it would cost to get permission to live there. and to pay the upfront costs. also if anyone can assist in plane tickets or florida housing in the tampa area. i would love to be back to where i could feel i could afford the poker games and where the game selection is much better than vegas. (being 1-4 casinos of 60+ tables) instead of 50+ casinos of 1-4 tables each.

"notice though, even as little cash as i have, how much better i am playing poker. played in vegas only 2 times in the last month, and notice the results. won $32. won $58. lost $15. won $110. This shows i can still make it at poker."

Tony, you are joking, right? You think 4 sessions proves that you can make it playing poker? Further proof that you believe only what you want to believe. It's very frustrating to give a shit about you.

Tony below are two links that explain SSI earning and asset limits. You could see if you are eligible for the PASS program which allows you to save. You could pre-pay your housing, internet, phone, post office box, or whatever with extra cash.

You could be eligible for another lump sum payment which doesn't count toward assets and could be your bank roll.

At the very least you could have a few months where you could stop worrying about how to pay for housing and food.

Even if you eventually don't qualify because you are over the limits you could at least have any health issues addressed while you receive Medicare.

Has hard as you try to create one there doesn't appear to be a downside to following through with your Social Security appeal.

Tony below are two links that explain SSI earning and asset limits. You could see if you are eligible for the PASS program which allows you to save. You could pre-pay your housing, internet, phone, post office box, or whatever with extra cash.

You could be eligible for another lump sum payment which doesn't count toward assets and could be your bank roll.

At the very least you could have a few months where you could stop worrying about how to pay for housing and food.

Even if you eventually don't qualify because you are over the limits you could at least have any health issues addressed while you receive Medicare.

Has hard as you try to create one there doesn't appear to be a downside to following through with your Social Security appeal.

i wanted that PASS program back in KS but they said no since i wasnt paying SS taxes on the poker wins, so they didnt consider it work. at least that was their excuse, i dont think they wouldve considered that work even if i did.

Keep in mind, YOU are highly prone to the recency effect. When you lose at a game, in your mind turns to "I don't think this game is beatable long term" and when you win at a game you always think "I can dominate this game long term." Most people can fall into that trap, but you are particularly prone to it.

In truth, you would need to look at that great long term tracking database you've developed over the past 20+ years of gambling...er...you'd have to START tracking your gambling to know if you're really a winner or loser at the game.

that dont really mean anything though, the game changes daily depending on whose at the table, a few months from now either u or the game conditions have gotten a lot better or a lot worse, so the records are meaningless in making decisions. the only thing that would be meaningful is years of records of always playing the same folks and not one person ever changing the way they play over the years, and these conditions will never be met.

So, months/years of data against random players at 1/2 won't provide you with useful data, but a sample of four games does?

"won $32. won $58. lost $15. won $110. This shows i can still make it at poker."

That is an example of the recency effect; you win a couple times and you now think you have proof you are a winner at poker. There have been multiple posts in the past where you've lost and said, "That game is not beatable", or "The game has changed so much - I don't think I can beat it anymore!"

You have to learn not to let your most recent win/loss consume you. Tracking your wins losses will show you that certain casinos are better matches for you than others, or certain times of day/night are better for you than others, or perhaps you win more at 1/3 than at 1/2, or you win more/less with full buy ins that short stacking.

Honestly, Tony, I think this is one more example of you being too lazy to help yourself win. You continually look for reasons NOT to do something, rather than investing time/energy in improving your game/life.

Tony, AGSweep is the way to go. If you have any questions for AGSweep mention them here and Ag will answer them for you. AgSweep is VERY knowlegable and I personally know this person and will vouche that AgSweep is 100% sincere about helping you. There really is NO reason not to try for this as you would qualify. I know you're going to say "but I can't cuz I don't have an attorny". I'm telling you AgSweep will walk you through it. Ask questions here or I can provide an email address.

As for the rest of this post, I really don't think 2 or 3K will assure you never go broke. You have tendencies to go on tilt when you get mad and drop so much unnecessarily.

I don't know what's best for you. All along I've said it was poker but I don't know how you'd get the bankroll for it. I feel like the Jean excursion with the free room has taken about 50% of your roll, right?

would u or agsweep see if they can have any luck reaching a live person at legal aid of las vegas? i cant. if so, just ask them to phone me. they dont have live operators answering calls, nor do they allow messages to be left. seems my call was pointless. they ONLY allow people to call in if they can enter the correct extension.

i wouldnt say being in Jean took about 50% of my roll, id say i got about the same roll as i did many months ago. and it took far less of my roll than id have paid on other housing in vegas. One of the reasons i would like a tub is because when i was a kid growing up none of the old houses mom rented had showers til i was a teenager. instead, they all had bathtubs. and she tended to always rent old homes instead of apt complexes.

found out the reason so many words were being underlined in red was because i was using Chrome instead of internet explorer, which meant i had to turn off the spell check all over again. But it took so much time to learn how to do this, its not worth it. My time is ONLY to be used for making money in +ev activities,or for much needed recreational breaks. as poor as i am. has a lot to do with why i feel like its sinful and lazy of me to take days off, and why i never do it.

I hope that lightning feels honored that he's made the last three titles of your blog posts. It looks like he's just boarding his flight back home. Maybe he'll be back in September to help celebrate my birthday. Might see you then.

As for legal, you can't make one phone call and decide that its a waste of time because you didn't get the answers you require right away. Stop being lazy. Don't expect someone else to do it for you. Call back.

S.I. is right. You can't expect to be a winning player without working on your game. Constantly. You can't expect to pay your bills without putting out some effort. You will continue your downward spiral into homeless degeneracy. What are YOU going to do to change it?

Tony,The 1st thing you should do it take some of your bankroll and secure yourself some stable accommodation for a week.Let's say that costs you $200 give or take a few bucks in an affordable motel like Jennifer has booked....that leaves you with $800 and some change, right?You then take a buy in...$200 and you GRIND. You play ONLY top 10 hands. You do NOT try to get tricky...you become a rock....a nit....a flaming promotion player. You WALK back to your motel after 12 or whatever hours play, as soon as you feel tired, you get up and walk home, to rest, to shower.The next day you wake up and shower again, you brush your teeth...you WALK back to a poker room, any poker room, you have only used ONE night of the 7 you have paid for so far.You take a seat, you sit and play ONLY top ten hands EVER, all day...NEVER, EVER deviating from that plan...you build up more points to go and eat a buffet or something nutritious for the day. Remember....you are a GRINDER. You are not high falooting, you are not a pro, you are someone trying to survive, someone trying to build a life, someone trying to really make ends meet.You only focus on the hand in play. You do not think about next weeks rent.You do not think about ANYTHING other than the hand in play.The only time you get up from the table is to take a piss or have a shit or to go to eat. The final time you leave the table is to knock off "work" at the end of the day.The day might see you at a $40 loss....or a $60 profit.It does NOT matter...today.You go home, you shower, you brush your teeth, you sit in bed and read a bit to relax, sleep. You are up to night TWO of the 7 you have paid for.If you are the tactical thinking professional you say you are you will be able to handle a beat, you will be able to suck up a suck out....it will NOT affect the hand in play....because you have already decided not to consider the past hand AT ALL....ever.You will not worry about ANYTHING other than the hand in play.If you are the winning player you profess to be....start treating it like a fucking job.Go to work...go home, eat, shower, shit and shave like 99% of the fucking population does.FOCUS on what YOU say YOU can do.If you want people to support you, to back you, to help you....YOU have to put something IN Tony. You have to PROVE to people that you are willing to take a chance on yourself and your abilities.I am sure no one will see you homeless.You must STOP having an expectation or judgement of others.In the end we all go out alone, some with more toys than others but on our deathbeds it's the effort that we put in,that's what will make the difference.Some people try their whole lives, the battlers, the fighters, the people who NEVER give up,they die with PRIDE knowing they did the very best they were capable of, the very best their hearts and minds and hands could possibly do.You, as it stands, are not one of those people Tony. You are an excuse maker,BUT,that could all change, TODAY, if you decide you want it to.YOU are the ONLY person in charge of your fate, your luck and as the old saying goes we make our own luck.You have $1000 that, believe it or not is more than some people have or will ever have but they keep trying, they keep fighting, they keep working, they keep feeding their kids, they keep paying the rent...they just fucking keep at it, because they know that if they keep at it, for long enough, things might change, they can change, they will change but they won't fucking ever change for you until YOU make the decision to move forward in your life and stop doing all the stupid shit you do, stop deluding yourself and come down to earth with a fucking thud Tony.You live in America...you have $1000. It's not like you are in the boondocks of fucking Somalia with no water or no food to feed your kids and no money and no way out...you are in LAS VEGAS, in the land of the fucking free, if you can't make it there, with EVERY opportunity at hand including DSS, well, you can't make it anywhere.cheersaces