How to walk the red carpet  lower heels, longer sleeves, no chiffon

I know you guys reading this probably don’t spend more than $200 a year to see what the revitalized and now glamorous Hollywood Reporter is telling us addicts of celebrity every week. You’re all reading The Wall Street Journal, Taki’s conservative blogs, Vogue and The Economist. So I have to tell you what the Reporter advises this year for the Oscar red carpet. It hasn’t been always warm in LA of late. You may be surprised. Here goes:

1. Choose walkable heels. (I know, I know — sheer blasphemy!) But they say you may need to move fast and get inside.

2. Look for a dress with sleeves. They are very on trend this season and no longer confined to those over 60. Salma Hayek and Angelina Jolie wore long sleeves last year.

4. Watch out for static. Carry a small hairspray and wear your hair down for warmth.

5. Try stick-on athletic pads. They say this sounds crazy, but athletes do it and they are all the rage at fashion shows in Paris, Milan and New York. I would say the lower heel is a really good idea. At the Golden Globes, the worst moment was the star and creator of “Girls,” Lena Dunham, stumbling around and falling out of her high heels, which she obviously was not used to wearing.

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Speaking of such matters, I don’t know how Jennifer Lopez looked on the Grammy Awards red carpet, wearing that black shmatte with the slit up her leg, but it didn’t look very good in motion, as she sashayed onstage Sunday night. In conversation about the gown, a friend said to me, “The amazing thing is that she paid people to make her look like that, complete with the bagel on her head.”

Oh, well, like she cares? I did notice that Lopez perhaps inadvertently stole Cher’s, “As you see, I received the memo” line. Many years ago, the Academy of Arts and Sciences released a memo similar to the one issued by the Grammy committee, about no outrageous or revealing clothes on Oscar Night. Cher paid it no mind, wore something outrageous and revealing, and joked onstage about receiving the memo. The difference? Cher’s outfit was supposed to be a joke.

I watched Taylor Swift’s opening number, and then basically abandoned the 2013 music industry for the period glories of “Downton Abbey.” I switched back a few times and that’s how I managed to catch the Lopez Leg.