There will be no war report tonight as some of us were busy with other stuff like grinding girlfriend rep and riding choppers. Instead we’re going to talk about drinking alcoholic beverages. If you have ever done The Lycauem in a Vanilla pug or raid healed as a druid you know that being a bit intoxicated helps both your sanity, social skills and gameplay. We in Morgue Than Words have taken it one step further and created the Ganking Drinking Game.

The rules are simple enough even for you alliance players to follow: you take a sip from your drink when something happens on the list below. Beer or wine is advised since harder stuff will limit your basic human functions like bladder control and sight too much, although stuff like Vodka works for shorter sessions. Also keep in mind that the rules are designed with non-80 gankers in mind. We are still 75, but anything up to 79 would work.

Take one sip

You kill a lowbie

The lowbie has time to emote something like /spit to show how frustrated he is or /pity to show that he’s a carebear that would never kill anyone himself

Take two sips

You kill someone higher levelled than yourself

You get killed by someone higher levelled than yourself

The enemy has time to emote something before you release

An enemy does a Houdini on you and gets away (bubble hearthstone doesn’t count since that’s for lamers only)

For every time you kill someone you already have killed that session

Take three sips

You get killed and the enemy completes the “Make love, not Warcraft” achievement

An enraged main of an alt shows up and you kill him too, which leads us to next point:

You get whispers from someone telling you how angry he is for rolling on a PvP-server

Take four sips

Your own faction tells you to stop ganking

You get killed twice or more by the same player

You encounter a high level character boosting a lowbie, you kill the lowbie and get away from the furious 80. Take an extra sip if the 80 is unable to resurrect and has to stand there like a clown.

Good evening fans, followers, Horde players and even unfortunate Alliance scum. I hope the night has been as fruitful for you as it has for us. Time for an update before you all break your F5 buttons.

Here’s the war report from tonight’s adventures.

Going to start off with some proper nerd rage. I will let the picture speak for itself:

To answer the first question: no it’s not very hard to be a retarded scumbag. The guy was nice enough to ask if I wanted a cigarette though, but I don’t smoke.

When I came back from the bathroom after some very nasty fantasies about killing level 75s, gnomes and a cup it was time to do a quick border control check. Unfortunately it turned out that Raeza from Security (server 2nd raid guild) had decided to take a cheap shot and kill me while I was AFK because of said bathroom break. I quickly tracked the miserable insect down and this is how it turned out:

Raeza learned that killing people AFK will be retaliated.

Next we caught Antonino from The Order of Time trespassing Horde territory. He failed to show a valid pass card and was punished.

Do. Not.

Etopyrin from the server 65th guild Pretorianie was caught ganking lowbies in Duskwood, which in addition is Horde territory on Frostmane. Better luck next time!

You aren’t allowed to kill Horde even if you did have a valid pass card.

Redridge Daily is in the printing press as I write this, and it will be available on the website shortly. Ape violence and embarrassing moments for the evil faction is promised.

Time for the midnight war report. The Alliance activity from level 80s has increased with several hundred percent compared to last week. We in Morgue Than Words believe the Horde should move in to defend our new territories instead of standing outside a bank in the City of Bearded Men in Dresses (Dalaran) and measure each others tools.

More 80 scum than trespassing lowbies. Endless opportunities for world PvP

Tonight’s skirmishes mainly circulated around the escort quest in the cave in Redridge Mountains, but we were also securing the fronts in STV and protecting the poor living impaired creatures of Raven Hill cemetery. No Alliance maggot is allowed to save their corporal in that cave without a passage card (sold for the symbolic sum of 500 gold).

On to the debriefing:

Latnok the keyboard turning mage from Lusitanos tried to defend his alt. We advice him to pay the passage fee next time to avoid getting killed by lowbies.

Osguth tried to go to Zul’Gurub. Only Horde is allowed in there, which he found out the hard way (death).

Srebrniletac (don’t smoke crack when you name your character) should keep his stinking gnomish hand out of the cookie jar next time and not trying to help his faction.

Tryaz was caught flirting with Blackrock Orcs without a valid passage card. He was taken care of more than one time.

Let’s move on to pop quiz:

Earlier in the week Security was the first guild ever to successfully corpse camp a Morgue than Words member. How many members would it take for Ninth Order?

Ninth Order called in their best players to make sure a lowbie could complete his escort quest. A doomed project.

Well that was a trick question because they failed to camp us at all, even though Vimtu the rogue almost got her dream fulfilled.

Evening report from the front by your favourite people; Natzagaroth & Nazrololgoth also known as The Frostmane Legends.

Going to start out with something important since we seem to have a few illiterate ‘readers’ among us (probably the website link slipped out to a few of the Alliance population by mistake): The wtfpwnscreenshots we post here are from level 80’s only (with an occasional 75 when we thought it was worth posting). If we would post screenshots of all kills in an evening the Internet would break because of overload. Also keep in mind that we are low levels ourselves against these 80’s. No bragging but that’s how skilled we are.

On to tonight’s debriefing by showing you our friend Glefsa, who turned out to be a traitor to both Alliance and Horde by playing on both sides. I advice everyone to get a rope next time you see her. As seen by the screenshot denial is a very powerful factor.

Does your Alliance guild know you’re in bed with the enemy?

To end the speculation if Ninth Order paid us to gank the rest of the Alliance we decided to hunt a couple of them down to state an example. Here are the results:

Beronriw paid with his life for his guild. An honourable doing even for an Alliance dog!

Neely really tried. I don’t usually feel sorry when I kill off some scum, but this kill had the feeling you get when your dog is too old to hunt anymore. And we all know what happens to dogs who are too old and weak to hunt, don’t we?

On to Redridge Mountains which, as we all know, is Horde territory nowadays. Employed tried to defend the bridge but fell in battle.

Not employed anymore. Not even the lousy city guards of Lakeshire will hire you after that.

Fenixrula tried to defend her alt, but it could have ended better for her.

Fenixrula learned that waterwalking sometimes is more important than being max level.

Mindolliun from the slightly pathetic guild The Ironforge Alliance got killed by lowbies en route to ZG. No mount for you, worm.

Breaking News! Breaking News! Breaking News! etc!

We here at Morgue Than Words have some news for you followers and fans! We have a top Alliance Frostmane guild paying the Guild Fee for being left alone in Cataclysm, but more importantly: they also want us to beat down the competition guilds as this one is really going for the “Server First!” stuff. We realise this won’t stand and fall with our involvement, but as the anonymous GM of this guild said: every little bit helps, and the gold is not a huge amount for them.

What does this mean? Well, we’ve been ordered to kill the raid key roles (tank, healers) to slow down the levelling of other Alliance guilds. For this our guild will be able to cash in on 30 000 gold. Yes, not as much as we were asking for, but we decided it was fair since this was the first guild paying up.

Which guild?! You are probably pissing your pants to find out now, but that’s a secret. All I can say is they are in the top 10 Alliance PvE of the server!

Proof:

The Transaction:

Thank you, guild who wants to be anonymous, this gold will pay for our swift flyers which will help our war effort.