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Sunday, March 2, 2014

You're Too Young for A Boyfriend!

There's a reason why God never blessed me with kids. Especially a daughter. I guess there's also a reason I don't have a sister. Especially a little sister. Why? Because I'm way too overprotective. Waaayyyyy too overprotective...

Look, I realize that I have a problem which is the first step to correcting it. I'll even go as far to say that I'm not as bad as I once was. However, I still think that kids need to be kids and focus on that grown up stuff later in life.

This weekend I really wanted to see my god kids. I try to make it a point these days to spend some time with them at least once a month, but because I was transitioning to a new job, my schedule has been crazy as of late. So, I took advantage of some free time and decided to spend the day with them. My god son is 11 and my god daughter is 7.

We decide to get breakfast at Cracker Barrel and although I don't remember how the subject came up, my god son mentioned to me that his little sister had a boyfriend. Of course, I thought that it was a joke, so I just laughed. Then my god daughter said, "No, I have two boyfriends."

Two? As in 1+1? Wait. Surely she means SpongeBob and Big Bird, right? Oh, how I wish that were true. No, she meant some boy in her school and some kid who used to be in her school who now lives in Nashville. I really didn't know what to say. The girl who I wanted to stay single until at least 38 years old actually uses the term "boyfriend"? I wasn't ready. I thought that I had another five years at least. I guess that's not how this new generation works.

So, instead of alienating her in the future I'll have to adapt. I'll have to be more accepting of the fact that kids are doing things 10x faster than when I was their age. I'll still keep a close eye, but I won't go 'Liam Neeson' on a dude for trying to get her phone number.

I think I passed my first test on yesterday when I attended a birthday party. My lady's daughter recently turned 14 and she had a gathering at a local restaurant to celebrate with her friends. One of her friends is a boy who I was told happened to be her ex-boyfriend. Well, now this ex is her "best friend" which could mean anything coming from a teen. But, I didn't give the boy the "Al Bundy treatment" or anything. I was cordial with him and through a brief conversation discovered that I actually kind of liked the kid.

That is until he shows up in the near future at some other event. Yes, my protectiveness extends to my lady's kids, too. Despite the lack of matching DNA, I treat them as my own. As for my god daughter, I know her father will keep an eye on her, so I'll just continue to play my role as godfather and report to him when necessary. The one thing that I do feel comfortable about is that when my god daughter saw a James Bond poster in my man cave from the movie, "Dr. No," she described a woman on the poster as "nasty" and "naked."

Ah, how refreshing to know that there's still some innocence left! "That's right, pumpkin. That woman is 'nasty' for wearing that." (smirks)

What do you think is a reasonable age for the average child to start dating?

As the mommy of two beautiful young women ages 16 and 18 (going on 25 & 30) I understand your fears, but when did you have your first "girlfriend". The little girl on the playground that you played kiss chase with? Or did you dip her pigtails in the ink well? Throw spit balls at her head? Pass her a note? The little kid version of "boyfriend" is very different than what you have in your head. It is innocent and normal. It is how little girls learn what is acceptable and isn't in the way a man treats her. At that age she is still affected by romantic Disney imagery of what a relationship will become. She has to navigate some of it starting early. Hang in there it will be okay.

Both my girls were "married" in kindergarten to a different boy almost weekly. My oldest now has a stream of boys constantly trying to be her "boyfriend" and it is compounded by the fact that she gets along with boys better than girls usually. In my opinion most girls are intimidated by her (I would be at 18). My youngest has had a boyfriend, but she is still working out details of what she expects and wants. She has a little more trouble with it all. However with proper guidance and using our age and treachery they will survive the horror. You will too.

I appreciate the vote of confidence. I had my first girlfriend when I was 13. It doesn't mean that I didn't like girls prior to that, but I was more focused on playing football and with race car sets more than women in my early youth. I don't recall hearing about kids being boyfriend/girlfriend until I was in 3rd grade. Kids progress so quickly these days and it's a little scary for someone who actually wanted to be a kid in his youth.

Too funny! I have to say, when I was in kindergarten I had a "boyfriend." Of course, it doesn't mean anything. If you like someone at that age, he can be your boyfriend, but there's nothing weird or sexual about it. Think of it this way---kids are learning how to give love, too! That's all.

I definitely think things are moving faster nowadays. Which is why it's so important, maybe now more than ever before, for parents to step in and talk to their kids about sex. But I think faux "boyfriends" in kindergarten and elementary school are harmless, for the most part. I definitely had a couple -- and neither were even remotely physical.Neely

Can I give my professional opinion on this one? About 14 for girls and 15 for boys is when I believe they should start dating. Even then it's still prety young and the relationship shouldn't be overly serious or sexual. But this is about when boys and girls can really comprehend a the meaning of a romantic, committed relationship. Hope it helps. Great points, by the way! As a dad myself I'm with you on these points. No No No! :)

I always value your opinions, Dr. Aaron! 14 sounds a lot safer than half of that. Not that she's seriously dating, but for her to notice boys like she does just goes to show how society works these days. Her mom is a teacher and definitely doesn't put out bad example when it comes to her kids.