After This Election, Raindrops On Roses Just Doesn’t Cut It

On Wednesday of last week, the day after the election I went to the ladies’ room during a break at all day marketing conference. I had been crying off and on all morning, and I still had a pit in my stomach early in the afternoon. I did my business quickly, and as I put my hands under the auto faucet, warm water magically ran over my hands. Usually my hands are invisible to automatic faucets, but on the first try, it worked, and I smiled at the small triumph.

“That’s what I need to concentrate on now,” I thought to myself, “the simple joys in life. The ‘raindrops on roses’ and ‘whiskers on kittens’ of life. The ‘doorbells and sleigh bells’ and ‘schnitzel with noodles’ of life.” When we were little, the Sound of Music taught us that when we’re feeling sad, we could simply remember our favorite things. As adults, we are taught that a gratitude practice can make us happier. Focus on the good, you’ll feel better.

So that’s what I tried to do. I tried to concentrate on the simple pleasures in life: the smell of a freshly opened package of coffee, the “sky candy” of a beautiful sunset, the smell and crackles of a roaring fire in the fireplace, the taste of freshly baked bread, the bright colored leaves falling outside my kitchen window, and best of all– the feeling of finally taking off my surgical bra and throwing it in the garbage.

But it didn’t work.

And no matter how many people tell me that “it will be all right,” I am hard pressed to believe them. Because it may be all right, but indications are that it very well may not be.

it wasn’t just Donald Trump who won last night—it was his supporters too. The Klan won last night. White nationalists. Sexists, racists and buffoons. Angry young white men who think rap music and Cinco de Mayo are a threat to their way of life (or are the reason for their way of life) have been given cause to celebrate. Men who have no right to call themselves that and who think that women who aspire to more than looking hot are shrill, ugly, and otherwise worthy of our scorn rather than our admiration struck a blow for misogynistic shitheads everywhere. Hate was given hope. Abject dumbness was glamorized as being “the fresh voice of an outsider” who’s going to “shake things up.”

I agree with every word, and no amount of raindrops on roses is going to fix it. I feel like I did in the days after 9/11. Or the days after I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I only want to spend time with people who can comfort me—who are equally upset—who are gravely concerned about climate change, misogyny, and the normalization of white supremacy. Who are gravely concerned that it appears that the highest office of this country will be occupied by bombastic narcissist without any core values.

Recently, my brother and I discussed the fact that all of our lives, while we have been monetarily supportive of those causes we believed in, both of us have taken a very easy road. I have sat by idly while others protested against oppression. I did not miss work to hold a sign. I did not lift a finger to protect the rights of minorities. I let others fight the women’s lib movement. I did not write about politics, bigotry, or misogyny.

I am willing to take a breath and give President-elect Trump the chance to show he is not Donald Trump the nominee, that he does in fact have core values, and that he does value women, minorities, the state of the earth. But the recent announcement that Steve Bannon- a man with outwardly racist, misogynist and anti Semitic views will be his senior advisor doesn’t do much to ease my concerns. And neither does his appointment of one of the best known climate change skeptics (not a scientist, by the way) to lead the EPA transition team. I am not willing to let my guard down, or accept any of this as normal.

The day after the election, my 23 year old daughter woke up and wrote out the biggest check she could afford to Planned Parenthood. She knew exactly what to do. She, and other young people like her, have begun protesting, and standing up for what she believes.

But the burden cannot just be on the youth. Trump needs to know from us– young and old, that we are concerned, we are watching his every move, and that we will hold him accountable. This election should usher in a new age of activism, and I hope to be part of it, because I can no longer sit idly by.

When the dog bites, when the bee stings…we’ve got to act.

BA50s! Let’s get involved!

If you’re looking to be active or would like to share your thoughts, links, calls to action, ways to be more involved in creating change, use#ba50smakeadifference on your related posts so BA50s can follow the dialogue and join in.

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After This Election, Raindrops On Roses Just Doesn’t Cut It was last modified: November 16th, 2016 by Ronna Benjamin

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After 28 years of practicing real estate law, Ronna Benjamin realized how much she loved writing and how much she hated lawyering. She jumped into the world of writing at Better After 50 and never looked back! She is loving her “second act” as Partner and Managing Editor at Better After 50. Ronna writes humorously about the things BA50s are concerned about – personal experiences with adult children, the quirks of aging parents and in-laws, and her own emotional and physical health issues (i.e., insomnia, anxiety, and bulging waist lines). A native Bostonian who loves to spend time with her husband and three adult children, Ronna also enjoys sailing, cooking, running, and biking–and she tolerates skiing so she is not left home during family vacations. Check out her new book “We Are Better After 50 Because…” co-written by Ronna and her BA50 Partner Felice Shapiro, a perfect gift for the birthday girl in her 50’s!

19 Responses

I am deeply offended by your commentary. I am a white, college educated, woman who is no longer willing to swallow the swill coming from career politicians such as Hillary Clinton. And it is pretty obvious that I’m not alone. I’m not a racist, anti gay, or a member of the KKK. I have friends with gay children and I work with them. However, I am an American and my vote counts as much as someone who lives in their own little world in NYC. Most people’s lives have NOT improved over the last 8 years. HRC was determined to be more of the same. I subscribed to BA50 to laugh and learn,not to read about your angst over an election. I’m getting enough of that shoved down my throat by the media. No longer. I’m unsubscribing today. I will be surprised if I’m the only one. ..

no you won’t be the only one. I wrote this knowing we would lose many subscribers, and did it anyway, because I thought it was too important not to write about. I don’t believe that all Trump supporters are racist, anti gay, KKK members…what I am saying is that we indeed have a president elect that has “normalized” white supremacy, has been endorsed by the leaders of the KKK (and his choice of Steve Bannon was yesterday endorsed by David Duke) and so we have to be vigilant and activists about the causes we care about. As an American, I would think you would agree with that.

I agree with Tracy! I am not a racist a bigot or any other names women like you enjoy tagging on people who don’t agree with you. The Left likes to feel superior just because they say they are more tolerant than the Right. As I can see from your blog you are not at all tolerant. I have had it with this website and it’s nastiness. I had enjoyed the fashion and other blogs but I have had enough of your small mindlessness. Put your “big girl britches” on and live with it.

It’s the hate that has been stirred up that makes me so mad and sad! It’s children in schools chanting “build that wall” or giving the “Heil Hitler” salute to each other in the hallways that make me incensed. Or swastikas drawn on buildings. Or Muslim women forced to take off their hijab for fear of being hurt. How is that ok? When did it begin to be ok? Is this the new “normal?’

I hope the President-elect will be good for our country and I will be pleasantly surprised. But so far the people who surround him make me worry for our country. Your message resonates that each one of us has to stand up to hate and no longer sit on the sidelines and hope for the best.

You have posted several articles of mine on your website, (thank you for that!), but my enthusiasm for submitting waned when it became apparent to me that your contributors and readership represent a monolithic, left-leaning group.

While you acknowledge that not every Trump voter is racist, sexist and the litany of other insults that have been heaped upon us, you seem to think that the majority are, and that these evils have been normalized with his election. I am glad to see that several people have commented to the contrary, and I would like to add to what they have said.

Every member of my immediate and extended family, (with the exception of my 86-year-old mother who still believes that the NY Times engages in objective journalism), voted for Trump. Most of my friends voted for Trump. The majority of these people are college-educated and Jewish. It is astonishing that any Jew, and I assume Alan Sorkin is one, could engage in such insulting rhetoric. Have we learned nothing after historically being the objects of such vitriol?

Sorkin’s letter is offensive and inaccurate on many counts. If one wants to discuss misogyny, then looking to the rap music he claims is not a threat to our society, is a great place. There are few venues as openly accepting of misogyny as the lyrics of rap music. Conversely, a person like Donald Trump whose campaign manager was the first women to be successful in that arena, is not a misogynist. Were some of his comments ill-advised? Absolutely. But that applies to both sides. Deplorables, anyone?

Profanity has become a hallmark of the angry Left. This is evidenced in Sorkin’s letter and it was evident with the celebrity supporters of Hillary Clinton. Many of us feel that lowering the standards of public discourse does not reflect well on us as a society. Profanity and name-calling are ubiquitous on the Left. The reckless labeling of all who differ, is symptomatic of an intellectual laziness that eschews thoughtful acknowledgement of other points of view.

I, like about 50% of the population, represent the mirror opposite of what you have described in your article. We can finally enjoy the simple pleasures in life because we are not as stressed about the declining state of our country and our world. And we are finally hopeful.

I was born in the Bronx and raised as a liberal Jew. But, in my thirties I started to question what I read and heard, and gradually changed my worldview. That this worldview has been systematically demonized by academia, the mainstream media and Hollywood, is a source of frustration. But I will not return to the bubble inhabited by those whose certainty of moral and intellectual superiority renders them incapable of objective thought.

The wonder is not that Hillary Clinton lost last Tuesday. The wonder is that she received as many votes as she did, given her long history of corruption, dishonesty and her recklessness as Secretary of State. My vote for Donald Trump might have been more enthusiastically cast for one of his original opponents, but it was a vote against Clinton and the self-satisfied, self-congratulatory mindset of the Left. It was a vote against the insistence on transgender bathrooms when we have terrorists at our door and in our midst. It was a vote against hysteria about climate change when the middle class is being marginalized and taxed within an inch of socialism. It was a vote against political correctness that encourages free speech, but only when it is expressed from one side. It was a vote against the assumption that white men are, by definition, sexist and racist. It was a vote against the belief that anyone clinging to religion, unless that religion is Islam, is an uneducated boob whose thought processes are to be dismissed. It was a vote against the idea that we should not be allowed to protect ourselves, either at home or at our borders.

Writing checks to Planned Parenthood in the name of those who hold opposing and sincere beliefs, is an unbecoming and hostile act that diminishes the beliefs of others. It is another example of arrogance and the unwillingness to acknowledge that there are viable beliefs held by others. Everyone is entitled to be philanthropic and supportive of the causes in which they believe. But we are not entitled to denigrate the views of others. The irony here is that the Left considers itself to be tolerant, but that tolerance seems to stop short of the other side of the aisle.

I am aware that no matter how many women or people of color Trump selects for his Cabinet, the charges of sexism and racism will not diminish. It seems to be thought on the Left that a black man cannot be considered black if he is conservative. A women is a traitor to the cause if she is a conservative. And G-d forbid a gay person aligns himself with Trump. That is clearly a person having an identity crisis.

I am glad that you are willing to wait and see, Ronna. After all, there is no other choice. To be honest, I am by no means confident that a Trump presidency ensures that the things in which I believe will now have a comfortable home. The man was a Democrat for most of his life and is not considered to be an ideologue. But, he is a businessman and he possesses skills that are needed when running a business the size of the United States government. (For those of you who abhor Big Pharma and Big Oil, why are you so fond of Big Government?)

As to Steve Bannon, or any other unpopular Cabinet choice, that is inevitable. Short of appointing Hillary Clinton to return as Secretary of State, there was going to be dissatisfaction with some of Trump’s choices. After all, we have a 24 hour news cycle that must be filled. None of us can expect to be ecstatic with every choice. But we wait and see.

I will not cancel my subscription to BA50. Nor will I unfriend people who have views that differ from mine. It is more constructive to make myself visible as a person from “the other side”, a reasonable and intelligent person with good values, a person who believes in the Golden Rule. I have a sense that many on the Left are so surrounded only by like-minded people. They believe the propaganda that the Right is comprised primarily of white supremacists, sexists, and homophobes. I am here to do my small part to correct that assumption.

This is so well written, and so thoughtful, I would love to publish this as an article for our readers– most of whom (but certainly not all– though fewer after today) need to hear you. We do respect the views of others, and I would be honored to publish this view. Please let me know.

Ronna, here’s the link to my most recent post. http://www.risanye.com/election/hallelujah/
I think it’s in the spirit of #betterafter50smakeadifference. It seems that people have a tough time expressing their feelings without adding more fuel to the fire. I’m not sure what it’s going to take to get thinking people to stop with the name-calling and denigrating and all the rest. I see more trouble ahead. Keep on doing what you’re doing.

I wasn’t that scared or fightened until the appointment of Steve Bannon, then it got real to me and I am frightened !
I had a doctor appointment the day after the election and my doctor and I discussed what we could do and Planned Parenthood was the top of our list.
Good for your daughter! Good for you taking a stand!

Thank you for this thoughtful piece. Haters will always hate and unfortunately America is full of haters. Strong patriots will rise above the septic swill and force it back down where it belongs. I am remaining hopeful.

I have loved opening up BA50 regularly & enjoying articles that ALL BA50s can relate to. I am saddened that it may now become yet another political forum – please reconsider. I hope this is the first and last of such articles. There are plenty of other blogs, forums & websites to share your political views with like minded readers. Let’s not let this issue divide BA 50 – you have created such a wonderful site. I will miss you!

Ronna, thank you for your thoughtful piece. For the millions of Americans who share a core belief in decency, tolerance and social justice, this outcome was a complete shock. A scum-bag like Donald Trump was transparent in showing his true colours and the worst of human nature, he should have been disqualified as a candidate long ago. However, there are millions of Americans who supported his bigotry, divisiveness, and call for change. While I respect the democratic process we are lucky to have, the country will have to live with the consequences of electing this narcissistic and misogynic individual. Giving the guy a chance, (I will only refer as “The Donald”, as he will need to earn the respect of being called President) will be hard to do with appointments like Stephen Bannon – the new voice of racism. When you get a chance, please send me the link for Planned Parenthood, I’d love to make a donation in Mike Pence’s name and join over 128,000 who have already shown this unprecedented outpouring of support since the election.
Thanks Ronna, love ya!

I am proud of your commentary.
As for those who who didnt like it, the mirror is a tough place to look some time. Ask Donald Trump (who admits that he does not spend time alone with his thought because he is afraid he might not like what he’d find).
If some of your readers would like to make moral equivalency of Ms Clinton’s comments and failings with Mr. Trumps, I think that history will judge them grossly misguided and I am prepared to apologize for that if it doesn’t come true. As for their excusing his appointments of callous and technically unqualified people as inevitable, that is about the worst defense I’ve ever heard.

So let them rage and say you are being unreasonable for not compromising on what it means to you to have a decency threshold for leaders that exceeds Mr Trumps, (Calling women pigs, groping them in public, feeling invincible and bullying people, lying (OMG all the lying, all the time!) , not paying taxes, for mourning the potential loss of progress on all kinds of civil rights issues, for legitimately feeling threatened by the potential loss of control over your own body and for grieving because the opportunity for a sustainable earth for our kids and grand kids maybe will get buried alive.

Those choices are indeed what separate us, they don’t unite us. If one voted for Trump, he/she doesn’t share these concerns at the level you, I or many Americans (indeed MOST) share them. That’s just the truth. I wont pretend otherwise. I won’t hold hands and sing cumbaya.

If you voted for Mr. Trump, you have other concerns that were more important to you and Trump spoke to those. It seems that some Trump supporters feel like we are going to get a greater economic engine back under the espoused economic policies and that they feel everything else at stake paled in comparison. Some were so angered by the “system” that they wanted a maverick. I am sympathetic and even share those concerns…but not above the others. On top of that, if you voted for him, even if you disagree with his social stances, you believe in Donald Trump’s economic promises and promises of reform. I don’t. On reform, I don’t believe his intent. On economics I think he;s got it wrong as do most economists, while a minority of economists agree with him.

On economics, I will certainly financially benefit with lower personal and business taxes (hurrah) but I know those short lived gains wont trickle down to those who really need it and I know that in order to achieve his plan he is going to have to spend spend spend (bad enough, but he will probably do so on defense and $1200 screwdrivers) and leave such a hang on our economy with debt that it will haunt us for the next two generations and create another bust. That’s what he knows how to do. He’s Mr. Leverage. Except, instead of the banks holding the debt bag, it will be the US citizens owing the rest of the world. I’m willing to admit I could be wrong, but I won’t lay down in defeat now. Risks are too big. On reform, it’s already crumbling as he appoints lobbyists to top positions. Look closely, he won’t eliminate the hedge fund tax loophole- at least not without creating another one just as big and lucrative.

I’m for MA and we voted for McGovern calling Nixon out as the paranoid weirdo he turned out to be. So here’s my call. Trump, our non majority President elect, is a narcissistic, mean spirited, small minded person who, and you are right about this, has no core values. With a Republican majority, he is likely to get a lot changed in hist first term, but most of it wont be progress not as I define it. And worst of all, those people who really are hurting economically, they will not make progress. Cronyism and corruption will be rampant. Reform– out the window. Not gonna happen. To cover it up and make himself seem like a winner he will make up enemies; of progressives, Muslims, immigrants, and maybe Jews. Of any person (or institution) who can’t defend themselves.

If we’re going to have chances at stopping some of these things, now is not the time to be quiet, be passive or be apologetic.

So many others have said it well. Our country consists of more people than those on the east and west coast.
There are many good, decent hardworking people in the ‘fly over’ states the political elites think of only when they want a vote.
You have succeeded in spoiling this site for me.
I’m through.

Thanks for your thoughtful blog and your honesty and willingness to put you views right out there. I’m with you. I am deeply saddened by the normalization of racist and misogonistic rhetoric from our president elect….there is no excuse…we must call out all expressions of bigotry.
I appreciate your candor and I share your sentiments.

As an avid BA50 reader, I can honestly say I don’t think I’ve ever seen a posting that has generated so many comments. This is certainly telling, and perhaps a microcosm of the the emotions that have been boiling over the past 18 months. Ronna I applaud you for generating this discussion within the BA50 forum. I too want to give Mr. Trump a chance. But the vitriol, the hatred, the nastiness that has become so commonplace makes me weep. I love this country and I am scared. If I turn on the news and hear of another child crying in fear that he and his family will be kicked out, or the woman pelted and deliberately tripped in the street just for wearing a hijab; if I see another photo of the swastika defacing a school, or the KKK leaflets that have blanketed whole neighborhoods…. I may just lose hope. This is an emotional time for people on all sides of the political spectrum, but there should be no tolerance for the side amassed in bigotry and racism.
ps: my subscription to BA 50 is solid! Brava!

I agree with Tracy, Rachel, and some others, especially Debbie Groyer, who said it all better than I could. Maybe Ronna you should look at late 20th century history.

I voted Libertarian because I could not stand the Donald’s xenophobic statements early on, and did not like Hillary for all sorts of reasons, but…

We are not Germany.

We are the US, and protected by the constitution. There are checks and balances all over the place. Here’s a few of them— more moderate GOPers, mid term elections (which are known to throw malfunctioning legislators out in EVERY administration), Supreme Court cases that check the Executive’s power when he goes too far (FDR’s packing the courts), and individuals who change their thinking (Senator Byrd and Justice Hugo Black, ex-KKKers who became progressive over time).

History also teaches us a lot, as you know. I felt the same way in 1972 and 1980. In 72, I was in total grief mode. Less than two years later, Nixon was revealed to be a criminal and forced out of office. This happened largely by ordinary voters who not only marched, but wrote their elected representatives, both GOP and Dem, to impeach him. So the constitution works not only at top levels, but from the bottom
up. I was interviewed by The Toledo Blade the night Nixon resigned because I was a senior Poli Sci major. And that’s what I said then, the system worked; the reporter told me her brother who was also a senior Poli Sci major said the identical thing. When Reagan was elected in ’80, he was called a fascist, and I feared for women. I was subscribed to Ms. Magazine, and they predicted we would end up like our German counterparts under Hitler, who were relegated to “Kinder, Kuchen, Kirche.” Didn’t happen. Instead, the economy improved, Perestroika happened, and the Berlin Wall came down. The lesson from that to me is wait and see… Finally, history shows movements. it struck me on election night that the PA state map looked the like the BREXIT map, a sea of red in outlying areas with blue dots for larger urban areas. The pitchforks are out when many people (especially working class) are unemployed. Full or near full employment raises everyone.

The Dems have a lot of work to do with the whiter working classes who have felt totally ignored by them and this administration. Please stop labeling all of them as racist and misogynist. Something needs to be done about trade, commerce, and restoring some of the industrial base. I knew Hillary was in trouble when my black hairdresser covered in tattoos with towers of braids on her head told me she was thinking of going for Trump. She might like to go into business for herself someday, and thinks he’d be better for small business. Polls after the election showed the Donald did slightly better than Romney with blacks and hispanics, BTW. Remember, Bernie almost won the Democratic
nomination in the primaries.

Re: Bannon, If Bannon proves to be a problem, the Donald will fire him. The Donald wants Jewish supporters too. For what it’s worth, MSNBC (not FNC) said this morning one of their sources says Bannon has an orthodox Jew on his staff who insists he is not an anti-semite.

It will be OK. Wait and see. Go ahead and lick your wounds (as we all have at one time or another) and as we used to say during tough times in the army, “continue to march…”