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Monday, October 19, 2009

Change....

Change is one of the certainties in life. It's all around us, every day. Sometimes, it's too subtle to notice immediately, like my childrens' growth, or the changing colors of the leaves. And sometimes it's so fast we're left with our heads spinning, not half aware of what just happened.

It's the subtle ones that have my attention today. Somewhere along the line, my dog developed some manners and respect for authority. My kids too, for that matter! And, yes, on both accounts, I've had days that I have prayed for the head-spinning kind of change - hoping I'd wake up one day, and they'd be well-adjusted, helpful, polite....

But no, it didn't happen overnight. It didn't happen easily, either. Instead, it's been day after day of teaching and reinforcing, praising and disciplining. Slow - SLOW - progress toward the goal. And really, that's OK. It's what I expect of them.

The question then becomes, why do I expect more of myself? I want to wake up and be changed, well-adjusted - physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. I want to wake up and be the woman God created me to be. * poof * Here she is....

But no.... not with me, either. It's still the day after day of teaching and reinforcing. The small milestones and the continuous discipline.

From time to time I get a glimpse back to see where I have been. Like seeing a picture of my children as infants shows me how much they have truly grown and developed, I have a moment of insight into my own growth and development.

But then, it is back to the day to day routine.

Help me to see the value in the day to day - the importance in the next step, not matter how small. Help me to know that, sometimes, just standing and facing the right direction is making progress.

Above all, help me to know at the core of my being, that You are in control, are by my side, and You know where we are going...