The Edge of Wanderlust

These words have been stereotyped and trampled on to take on various meanings in various realms of our lives. They may not be found together all too often. But perhaps these words cannot be fully understood under our limited human capacities. That is… until we can ask God all our questions in Heaven of course. Side note, I personally can’t wait to ask him why bunnies have fluffy tails… but that’s a story for another day 🙂 .

What is it that you don’t think you can do? What do you think is too big for you? Or too scary, or too risky? Sometimes God whispers it, and sometimes, He shouts it. Whatever the volume, I bet He’s always using the same three words with us: Be Not Afraid” ~Bob Goff (aka. radical author of Jesus follower books!!!)

I’ve never stopped to think about what I really like about those “real” shows like “Friends”, or movies like “the outsiders”, or “the Fault in Our Starts”, or “Lassie”, or YouTubers like “The New Age Creators”, or “Connor Franta”, or “Marla Catherine”, or songs like “Oceans Away” by Arizona, or “Seeing Stars” by Borns, or “Fireflies” and “Verge” by Owl City, or books like “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn” by Mark Twain . What is it that makes me so drawn to them? What do they all seem to have in common? Is it… the reality of it? The idea that the “cool” lifestyles they resemble are so real and raw? That its authentic? That it’s down-to-earth? Is it… the creativity of it? The way each of these mediums are so well crafted yet rascally too? Is it… the freedom of it? The feeling I get when I watch or hear these works of brilliance. For that brief time out of my day, I can get away from all the gnawing to do lists and difficult conversations with others and with myself and with God and….just dream of a life with less responsibility and more spontaneity than mine?

Maybe it’s an easygoing combination of thoughts and feelings I wish I had. Each and every time I allow myself to experience these thoughts, these feelings, I get the desire to just….BE! To just be. Not to have to be anywhere. Not to have to be stuck in the box of a classroom with desks and chairs. Not to have to be stuck in the box of a bedroom with a closet and a bed in the thick of winter. Not to be stuck in a forest of library shelves and books and pages that smell like captain sparrows old treasure chest.

Maybe I wanna stop sitting here looking out the window with these dreams just beyond my reach. I wanna live them. I wanna live by waking up at sunrise and getting dressed and going outside to the blessed fresh air. I wanna live by spending time with people who make me laugh, the people I can talk to, the people who understand me, the people who I can run away with. I wanna jump off cliffs, learn to surf, sing in the middle of the street, sneak out a window in the middle of the night, swing dance in the rain, travel in a jazz band, drive to faraway places with the car windows rolled down no matter the temperature outside, go somewhere new for work everyday, bet in a poker game and WIN, camp out in a treehouse as if I were hiding out from the police. That’s the kind of edge I want to run out on!

But my question is how? How can I break free from this life? How can I bear to take free time to get away? How can I leave the culture of constant deadlines and coffee grinding when I can already barely breathe enough to keep my eyes open during the day? How can I tell my loved ones where my true heart is? How might I pay for my bread and my butter?

Now that is where the fundamental question lies. That’s where these dreams seem to be halted and reality breaks in. There is a fear that such a risk could make or break future opportunities. For I fear a dream may just be a dream at it’s best. A young girl once said, a dream is a wish your heart makes… but it perhaps may never come true. What if I jump out of the nest and fall flat on my face? Or what if I jump out of the nest and I fly?!?

So here lies the tension, as Ecclesiastes 3 holds within it a presentation. A presentation of choices we must all make. A presentation of the seasons we must walk through. There is a time to scatter stones, and a time to collect them. A time to search, and a time to stop searching. Well my friends, this may perhaps be one of those times. Perhaps this is my time of searching. Perhaps this is my time of scattering stones. This time right now may be just the right time for me to be fully and purely me. The beauty of this time is that it allows for a freedom and a suspense of what’s “just around the river bend” (in the language of Pocahontas), but it must also come with a warning: it may only last “until the clock strikes twelve”, until the time for searching and scattering is…over.

So I take a deep breath and think why I crave so much to get on with my life. To be in love, to be married, to have a house or an apartment, to pet my own pup, and rock my own babies to bed… when this time I am given now is a blessing and it must be valued dearly…or else. Or else, I fear I may begin to live with deep regret for not jumping out of the nest. There may be times I search alone, but also times I bring others along.

This is where I believe a mission must lie. When I search I will find. And to find I must go.

” Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us”

– Hebrews 12:1

So, my dear reader, as the well runs dry for today, I must ask: To where do you go to figure out your mission? And what have you found that mission to be?

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Published by Allison Nicole

Hello people of wonder! My name is Allison or Alli for short. I thoroughly enjoy writing as a hobby to destress from the business of being a college student. Between studying for class, working out, Bible study, and working at a local coffee shop, I find writing to be a time when I can just breathe and let my mind explore.
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