Those I Don’t Really Care About But Will Probably Eventually Dislike (Just about everyone else)

Buddy ♥

Yeah, Buddy. My favorite resident of the Funkyverse. He never smirks. He never makes shitty puns. He never wallows in self-pity, snipes another character to make himself feel superior, or “wakes up” at the end of an arc to proclaim that it’s all a dream. Who’s a good boy? Buddy is! yes he is! even though he’d be totally justified if he pissed on Les’ leg or took a dump on Wally’s bed. Nope, he’s just a goofy, happy yellow dog who lives day to day, greeting everyone with a wagging tail and just enjoying the moment. He doesn’t even bitch when his dumbass roommates Wally and Rachel bring him to a heavy metal concert, those idiots. How ironic that, in a strip claiming to be “a quarter-inch from reality,” the most realistic character depiction is that of a dog.

[PS: I did indeed notice that, after talking all week about the Monsters Of Metal concert, not a single frame of actual comic strip real estate was spent depicting the actual event. In true BatHack style, we instead have skipped directly to the post-concert exit. But you know what? Buddy’s back! so I don’t give a shit.]

17 responses to “יּ٧ᴥ٧יּ ♥♥♥”

He’s back! FW’s single most beloved character ever is indeed still alive and well and, uh, attending heavy metal festivals with his owner Wally. Yeah…OK Tom, sure. Whatever you say. I’m not sure what’s supposed to be “funny” about this premise or the dialog, nor do I understand why anyone would bring a dog to an oppressively loud rock concert or why it’d be funny if someone did. But then again I never understood the joke when Lisa died or Becky had her arm lopped off so what the hell do I know about comedy?

I wish I could say something positive about Buddy the Wonder Dog. To me he was just some sort of miracle cure for Wally’s PTSD. He reminds of that Batiuk seemed to have solved Wally’s PTSD as easily as taking Tylenol for a headache. Of course, now Batiuk seems to have retconned this. My brain hurts.

Good, good. Buddy is one of the only redeemable characters in the whole Batiukverse. If the green pitcher from Montoni’s was here too, this would be the best Funky Winkerbean strip since someone (allegedly Mooch Myers) tried to end Les’ reign of terror back in Act II by burning down the high school.

The bizarre thing about this arc is that BanTom is trying to play it off like Wally’s really doing well and everything’s great with Rachel, but it was already established years ago that forcing his beloved service dog Buddy (and he’s a good, good dog!) to go on amusement rides and attend ear-splittingly loud metal concerts has a soothing effect on Wally, as does reminding everyone that Buddy is his beloved service dog (and a very, very good dog!). So Wally is exactly where he was several years ago. Not only that, but apparently he’s spent the last three years trying and failing to enroll in some college classes and has sought counseling over it. Plus he now lives and works in the same building which limits his interaction with the world even more. He spends each and every day in a red-brick prison, only interacting with his wife and whoever happens to wander into that horrible restaurant and the only daylight he sees is when he’s trudging up and down those rickety stairs.

And this Rachel person is still slinging pies down at the pizza mill for minimum pizza and some meager pizza benefits, she’s still acting like her child never existed and she’s apparently willing to go as far as to torture Wally’s service dog (he’s a good good boy) if it means Wally will be able to hold it together in the face of the pyrotechnics, crushing power chords and throngs of screaming maniacs he’ll face while enrolling for classes down at the community college. This isn’t a lite n’ breezy look at a young couple just starting out and trying to overcome the odds, this is a dark and extremely depressing tale of two broken people caught in a spiral of pizza-scented despair and stupid dog jokes.

But at least Buddy’s back because he’s a good good boy. Too good for these losers if you ask me. You don’t take a dog to a metal concert, you play them that one Pink Floyd track with the dog barking sounds because they bark at the speakers when they hear it and it’s funny.

Judging by the nearly un-parseable dialog in the first two panels (“So you didn’t want to leave the concert…” as they are obviously leaving… WTF?), the first college course these two should take is English as a second language.

You forgot a character category:
People we briefly like because they hurt/annoy the characters we hate even more: Bald Art Teacher, Flashback Bull, Classic Corey, Imaginary Scriptwriting Editor With Cigar, and Franky ❤ ❤ ❤

The last couple of times we’ve seen Buddy, he was terrified of lightning at the wedding, terrified to let spit drip on him, terrified of the ferris wheel, and how he’s rattled because of a rock concert. All of which is pretty consistent for a normal dog, but Buddy’s supposed to be a therapy dog, he’s supposed to be very stable and solid. While I admit he’s the most likeable character here, he doesn’t seem to be very good at his job. Of course, inflicting the things listed about shows that Wally and Rachel are the worst pet owners ever. No wonder Rachel’s child just vanished.

Talking up a big event, then just leaping past long stretches of it (the concert, the Washington field trip). It’s like those chronoton-powered time-skips in the Futurama episode “Time Keeps on Slipping” but without (of course) anything resembling humour.

So, I guess they’re leaving the Coliseum in today’s strip. They way it’s drawn, they could just as well be leaving the Shop Rite. I would at least expect to see one or two poorly drawn metalheads hanging out in the lobby. And yes, it’s strange that they’re having this conversation after they left the venue. Certainly there must have been some communication when they left their seats and walked towards the exit. Today’s conversation would have a much better effect if TB drew the characters screaming the lines to each other over the loud music with flames going up in the background.

The last couple of times we’ve seen Buddy, he was terrified of lightning at the wedding, terrified to let spit drip on him, terrified of the ferris wheel, and how he’s rattled because of a rock concert. All of which is pretty consistent for a normal dog, but Buddy’s supposed to be a therapy dog, he’s supposed to be very stable and solid. While I admit he’s the most likeable character here, he doesn’t seem to be very good at his job.

I don’t expect Buddy to be good at his job because I know that Tom hasn’t the slightest idea about what therapy dogs do, how they are trained, or how someone qualifies to receive one. Buddy can’t be good at his job, because T-Bats isn’t good at his.

It’s not like he’s got a history of accurately depicting therapy dogs.