Freehold, Iowa - In an act that can only be described as pure evil, a rabid young Wiccan girl wearing a black cape burst into the Landover Baptist 11 a.m. Sunday morning church service and flung the bloody carcass of a headless black cat across 297 pews. Pastor Deacon Fred ducked just in time as the abomination splashed into the baptismal pool, spattering chunks of animal flesh and water over the white robes of a horrified Christian Seniors Choir visiting from Des Moines. Pushing a frenzied crowd of screaming parishioners aside, Church ushers acted quickly and detained the Devil's harlot for questioning in the sanctuary basement before taking her to the furnace room.
The following Tuesday, at a meeting of concerned Deacons, Pastor Deacon Fred explained, “Wicca, is just a fancy word that insecure unsaved teenagers who hate their parents use to describe their little club.” Landover Baptist has thousands of Christian moles placed in covens, chat rooms, and schools all across America. “They feed us some pretty gruesome stuff about Wiccans,”said Pastor Deacon Fred. "From what we can gather, like Jewish people, Wiccans kidnap Christian children and drink their blood to seal their commitment to Satan." Deacon Fred continued, "My guess is that the little Devil worshipper who slipped into our Sunday Morning service last week, did so because she got some inside information about what we were going to release on our website this month. She was nervous and very upset that the rest of the world would soon learn the truth about her silly cult.”

It was announced after the meeting that Landover parishioners and Baptist police officers in Freehold, Iowa will be required to undergo extensive training in order to spot the latest breed of unsaved trash, the Wiccan, or, as the True Christian® founding fathers of America called them, Witches. Some of that training information, as planned, is available in condensed form below. Please keep in mind, that if you see anyone that fits ANY of the descriptions you are about to read, anywhere on your local church property, call the police IMMEDIATELY! These sorts of people do not visit churches because they are looking for salvation. They are there to harass True Christians®, cast spells, throw hexes, and to commit bizarre hate crimes against the true body of Christ (Baptists), their sworn enemy. We also believe that True Wiccans are receiving orders directly from the Vatican, which makes the situation even more dangerous.