Maid of Honor: How to Demote Pregnant MOH?

My maid of honor just told me that she will be eight months pregnant at my wedding! I'm more furious with her for not telling me that she was planning on getting pregnant. This would have made a difference, because she's the only one in the wedding that lives in my town. Now, although I'm happy for her, that's all she talks about, and she never even asks how my wedding plans are going. My fiance is ready to let her know exactly what he thinks of her, but I would still like her to be a part of the wedding. Is there any way to politely ask her if she would prefer the role of bridesmaid?

A:

First, keep in mind that having a baby is a major life experience. It's no less important than getting married. And your friend didn't plan to get pregnant just to sabotage your wedding plans. Before you do anything else, you need to step back and get some perspective. It's understandable that this upcoming event would distract her a bit. Make sure that you are not making her feel bad or guilty about the fact that she's expecting.

There's no reason a pregnant woman can't be in the wedding party; just make sure there's a chair for her to sit in in case she starts feeling woozy or dizzy or just plain uncomfortable. Remember: Your attendants are your dearest friends, the people you want next to you on your big day. They're not just there to fit into bridesmaid dresses. Your friend is your friend, pregnant or not.

That said, you do have a right to talk to her about your wedding and find out how much she still wants to be involved in the planning and the day itself. Let her know that you completely understand that she's focused on her baby -- you're happy for her and want to support her -- but that your wedding is on your mind as well. If you really feel that she can't perform her MOH duties, ask her if she would feel better being a bridesmaid, since she can't devote as much time or energy to your wedding. Make sure she knows that you don't want her to step out of the honored role, you just don't want her to feel bad that she can't be 100 percent there for you right now. It's not wrong for you to feel frustrated about this situation, but try to be sensitive to her situation. That's what friends do, right?