Marriage Reverses Each Century Or So

February 21, 1985|By Bill Stokes.

Have you come a long way, baby?

I guess so!

And, of course, so have we men. You lead and we follow. It has ever been thus.

We--you and me, babe--have made tremendous social strides, particularily in the way we behave toward each other in marriage. Consider the following advice for husbands and wives that was published way back in 1883 and which a reader sent my way.

For wives:

Make your personal appearance as beautiful as possible for your husband. Your dress may be calico but it should be neat. While hair dye is not advisable, the eyebrows may be improved by a slight application.

Make every attempt to spend wisely the dole your husband offers for household expenses. Purchase with care.

Whatever the day`s circumstance, greet your husband with a smile.

Do not estimate your husband by his ability to make display. His employment may not be favorable for fine show, but his superior qualities of mind and heart are all that matter.

In your husband`s dealing with his employes he is in the habit of giving commands and being obeyed. In his absent mindedness the same dictatorial spirit may possess him at home, so avoid all disputes until he regains his senses.

Maintain dignity in public with your husband. Loud talk or laughter, pointing, running, allowing your skirt to drag or sucking on your parasol handle all show bad manners. Do not use profanity, slang or words of double meaning that will bring the blush to your husband.

For husbands:

Now that you are married do not allow yourself a slovenly appearance. Dress neatly, bathe often and give attention to the trimming of your hair and beard, nature`s badge of manliness. Take care your clothing or breath is not tainted with fumes of tobacco or strong drink.

Your good manners captured you your wife; continue them. Do not sneeze or expectorate at the table, nor allow butter, soup or other food to remain on your whiskers.

Do not be a dictator at home, it is your wife`s province.

The wife/husband advice article was not signed, so we have no way of knowing who wrote it. Maybe it was Abby and Ann`s great, great granny.

In any case, it is interesting to note how things seem to have changed so in 100 years, at least in the majority of husband/wife relationships.

And it is also worth considering that 100 years from now, the advice that is now offered to wives and husbands will sound as absurd to the people of 2085 as the 1883 advice does to us.

However, if those 2085 citizens are to be entertained by the quaintness of our 1985 marital ways, we had better make sure there is a list similiar to the 1883 one we found so amusing.

So, here, after long thought and study, is a list of what seems to be the best and most up to date advice for modern marrieds in the year 1985.

For husbands:

Make your personal appearance as beautiful as possible for your wife. Your suit may be polyester but it should be neat. While a hair dye is not advisable, the eyebrows may be improved by a slight application.

Make every attempt to spend wisely the dole your wife offers for household expenses. Purchase with care.

Whatever the day`s circumstance, greet your wife with a smile.

Do not estimate your wife by her ability to make display. Her employment may not be favorable for fine show, but her superior qualities of mind and heart are all that matter.

In your wife`s dealing with her employes she is in the habit of giving commands and being obeyed. In her absent-mindedness the same dictatorial spirit may possess her at home, so avoid all disputes until she regains her senses.

Maintain dignity in public with your wife. Loud talk or laughter, pointing, running, allowing your pants to drag or sucking on your parasol handle all show bad manners. Do not use profanity, slang or words of double meaning that will bring the blush to your wife.

For wives:

Now that you are married do not allow yourself a slovenly appearance. Dress neatly, bathe often and give attention to the trimming of your hair and nails, nature`s badge of womanliness. Take care your clothing or breath is not tainted with fumes of tobacco or strong drink.

Your good manners captured you your husband; continue them. Do not sneeze or expectorate at the table, nor allow butter, soup or other food to remain in your diet.

Do not be a dictator at home, even though it is your province.

That list will obviously break them up in 2085. And we can only hope that they will continue the 100-year cycle and compose a list of marital advice for their time. Borrowing some license from science fiction writers and social forecasters, we might speculate that such a list would be.

For wives and husbands:

Make your personal appearance as beautiful as possible for your computerized lover during those years when your marital partner is away on space voyages.