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Geek to Geezer

“What’s with all you old geezers, walking hand 'n hand, with these young Chinese chicks?”

High School Social Geek:

I wasn't always an old geezer, I began my journey to ‘Geezerdom’ as a high school Social Geek. Self-diagnosed with a bad case of psycho-dwarfism, I was emotionally insecure. I had my first date in the 5th grade and my second in my third year of college.Swim class did me in. Back in the 50’s the boys went naked to swim class. Every Tuesday and Thursday, 29 teenage monster boys, with pubic hair and one little me, who wouldn't need to shave until the 21st century, bared all. The thought of asking a girl for a date to the prom, or even talking to any female other than the teacher, was terrifying.

Joe College 'Greek Geek':

It wasn't until my third year in college, after I had armored myself with Chic Geek clothes, cars, bars, and fraternity brothers, that I dared ask a ‘her,’ or a ‘she’ out. "If, you can’t go Greek, go Teke.”

At twenty-one, I had my first cigarette, first beer, first aspirin and my other first I can't talk about in Toastmasters. After, seven years in university, three years as a GDI (God Damn Independent) plus four more as a frat-boy, Uncle Sam asked me if I wanted to join him in Vietnam. A traditional Geek response would have been to join the National Guard like George 'W' Bush, or say, "Hell no, I won't go," like Mohammed Ali, or even flee to Canada.

G.I.Joe Chic Geek

I chose the only Chic Geek solution and went with the US Marine Corps. 1968 was not a good year to graduate, I got drafted twice but as an aesthetically conscious architect I opted for the Marine Corps chic uniform, over Army geek. Although, Vietnam was the first ten year war, they knew I was a geek and instead sent me to the Philippines, Taiwan, Japan, Hong Kong, California, Panama, and Rio de Janeiro.

"If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life

Never make a pretty woman your wife”

I blamed her for our demise and after, twenty-one years, the Chic Geek couple split, to pursue their respective mid-life transitions to ‘geezerdom.’

2nd Marriage: 'Chic Farmer Geek'

I grabbed my only remaining chic possession, my Armani suit, wore it to a Spill-Ur-Guts workshop and came home with my second wife. As the proverbial Chic Urban Architect/Systems Analyst couple, we bought a small farm outside of Houston to produce raw grade 'A' goat milk, chevre, feta and kefir, for sale to our former urban ‘yuppie’ friends at the farmers’ markets in town. We were thereby,transformed into 'Chic Farmer Geeks.'

Just when the chickens had started coming home to roost and I for one, was ready to retirie to Ole Mexico, I became a widower. At age 63, I went from 'Chick Farmer Geek' to just a plain old 'Over the Hill Geezer.'

3rd Marriage: Over the Hill Geezer

I don’t know why you guys are in China, but I told anybody and everybody, that I came over here looking for a Chinese lady, over forty, who could speak English. I didn't want to be one of those old geezers walking around hand ‘n hand with some thirty-something chic chick. Well, I might have wanted to, but you know, I got principles. That’s why I joined Middle Kingdom Toastmasters, so I’d be circulating among the English speaking Chinese crowd – you know, ‘you got to swim with the fishes’ ole boy. But, wouldn’t you know it, they were either closer to twenty-something’s or older married women. Principles are principles.

But you wanna know what saved my sorry ole toosh from a miserable life of celibacy? That card reading, astrology stuff I ginned up when I was in Eugene. One night at the Middle Kingdom this vivacious divorcee, still climbing the front slope of mid-life transition, asked me for a reading. Now, I might be an over the hill geezer but my mind’s still sharp, so I told her it read, "we should get married."