I think that you need to take a deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. Ok then. First, what version of ubuntu are you using, is it 8.0.4.1 or higher?

Lets deal with your issues as you haved posted them. You say that your internet isn't connecting automatically. Does that mean that you are connecting with wifi, or cable/dsl? If you are connecting with wifi are your drivers installed, or is ubuntu picking up that you have a wifi card? If you are using and ethernet cable or even a phone line, are you making sure that it is plugged in? I would look at those things first.

Second, you are having problems with your graphics. Do you have a graphics card? If so then what brand and model is it. You can go to the System -> Administration -> Hardware Drivers and see if there are any propriatary drivers that you can use.

Next your screen resolution is set at 800 x 640. This is an easy fix, go to System -> Preferences -> Screen Resolution. Next click on the box that has the resolution listed and change it to whatever you want it to be.

Las you say that the effects aren't working. I am wondering what effects those are? Are you talking about the ones that make your desktop rotate like a cube, and do other fun things, or are you talking about something else entirely?

Get through all of those things and then come back to us and we can help you more.

Cheers!

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Linux Forever!

I thought you were a hispanic/african american? Who is the white guy in the pictures?