Search confessions

I got blocked on social media all because I called someone out on their bullshit. Why do people constantly get attacked for speaking up and telling it like it is? I prefer people to be honest and upfront with me instead of beating around the bush.

I could not imagine bringing a kid into this world right now. Yes, the world's been screwed up for a long time, and this sentiment is not new. But everything's come to a head this year, and the future for future generations seems dimmer than ever.

They do not do the baby penguin justice. I want to brave the cold of Antarctica and hug a real baby penguin - a baby gentoo penguin, in particular. I'm just in one of those moods where I want hold a real cute little animal, if only just for a little while so the sad goes away.

I am in a building where both my neighbours, above and below, like to eat tuna and eggs often so I constantly smell tuna and eggs. I know this is just the way it goes, and of course they smell my food too. But it's just tuna and eggs...almost every day the smell of tuna and eggs when I'm not eating them...ugh

Found out by accident about my long term partner sex addiction. It appears that it started through online sex chats and escalated to sharing videos and photos with a large network of people in our local area (we share a phone plan). He admitted to living a dual life, it looks like there’s a network of 50+ people. I don’t know if they have met in person.
After finding out I left to be with family and take care of myself. Since then, I don’t know what’s happened but he’s ended up in the hospital detox program and is now going to rehab. In addition to sex addiction there’s also substance use. I don’t have the details yet. He confessed to his friend and suggested that friend tell me because he was too sad. I told the friend I was not ready and said “honestly there’s so much I don’t even know where to start.”
I am feeling at the lowest of lows. I love him, we’ve been together 10 years. He had addiction problems as a youth. I heard recently from my counsellor that “addicts aren’t bad people, they make bad choices.” This upset Me because I have this internal battle. My empathy for others can be a weakness. I am so heartbroken. I am stable person with a good career. I did always want more from him - stability. So I face seeing someone who I love so much with an illness but who also has hurt me tremendously. It’s still too early but the prospects of leaving him are ripping my heart to pieces. However, what he’s done to me is also ripping my heart to pieces.
I’m meditating and getting counselling but this has been really traumatic for me.

I watched Stranger Things late last year to see what the hype was about and I wasn't blown away by it. It's alright, but not amazing in my opinion. I used to be able to watch movies and tv shows years ago but now I barely watch any. I takes me months to years to watch something someone recommended.

A couple of months ago I realized for the first time in my life I was actually getting fat. This was a shock, I've been one of those fortunate people who eats whatever and my weight stays the same.
Well, the lower activity brought on by the pandemic plus increased eating and I ballooned.
So I bought a cheap scale, increases exercising and started dieting.
It worked, lost 20 pounds in 2 months.
It was difficult, I was basically hungry for the entire 2 months.
But a new obsession developed, checking my weight every morning.
And it got very dysfunctional. There were mornings where I knew I had been very diligent the day before and yet I would be 2 pounds heavier and this would ruin my entire day!
No more. Scale is in the back of the closet. I'm much more aware of my diet now but it's not about a number, it's about feeling good.
The scale was ruining my mental health!

I'm so lonely that when my phone rings I assume it is a robot or wrong number, and it usually is. Sometimes it scares me because I forget I have a phone, it is so quiet. I've never made friends very easily.

A couple little thoughts.
The prettiest woman I ever met takes every photo from below because she doesn't like her long nose. And yet that's a big part of why she's so pretty!
Recently (masked) I've been receiving a lot of looks from women. While attention is good...the conceptual leap as to what that must mean about my face is really making me depressed.