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Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Possummomma musings

In some respects, the world is a really cruel place: wars, famine, violence, abject poverty, etc.,. And, there are quite a few theists who seem to think that it's because of these horrible things that atheists choose not to subscribe to their deity. Well... they're partially right. I have a difficult time understanding how any person would choose to worship a deity that would allow such atrocious and horrible acts, in his name or otherwise. But, as an atheist, I understand that humans create conflict, and nature attempts to balance itself, all without the help of a deity. So, in sum total: shit happens.

Setting that aside. every now-and-then, the possums and I come up with completely silly reasons why God can't exist. These are, by no means, supposed to be taken seriously...and most are said with tongue, firmly planted, in cheek. These are absolutely up for discussion and the list can be added to or amended to reflect the opinions and/or evidence that others may present.Without further ado, I give to you:Top 10 Silly Reasons Why God Cannot Exist10. Barney the Dinosaur09. Liver and Onions08. Tofurkey (It should be noted that PM and P#4 object to this grossly unfair portrayal of soy products as evidence against God. However, majority rules for the purposes of this list.)07. Wedgies and thong underwear.06. Heels (as in, shoes)05. Kids pajamas with large tags in the neckline.04. Evil Clowns03. Black jelly beans (*vomit*)02. Packs of unsharpened pencils, when you really need a sharp pencil.01. KidzBopCDs

Ten? Only ten, PM? What about Nancy Grace, Spam (the canned fat), the Anna-Nicole Smith saga, G.W. Bush, spam (the other kind), brassieres, income tax, Tom Cruise, SUVs, and rap? Who says you can't prove a negative?

Clearly you and your black-jelly bean-hating spawn are pure evil and should be forced handwash Jerry Falwell's underwear. ;)

Ooooooooh, I think something might have to be bumped in respect for the evil that is Jerry Falwell's underwear. I think I can best that though: a benevolent God would take away Fred Phelps sperm, so that the man can't procreate! In fact,... Fred Phelp's DNA should be removed, entirely, from the gene pool.

Your list is not so much evidence that God does not exist as that Satan exists and God is too weak to prevent his evil. Especially the jelly beans.

Better evidence than spiteful things is the absence of good things. For instance, neither the Toronto Maple Leafs nor the Montreal Canadiens made the playoffs this year, which would not be pleasing in the eyes of God.

I once said that the game of golf (only if you play) is evidence for the existence of God. Just when you are frustrated enough to break all your clubs over your knee and give up the game forever, you hit that perfect approach shot that sails prettily into the green, bounces once, and rolls to within three inches of the cup. All of which only serves to bring you back again another day. Yeah, that God's a sadistic fucker.