Narrator: This yacht is bringing a revolutionary scientific invention to Gotham City. On a peaceful afternoon motor ride, millionaire Bruce Wayne and his youthful ward Dick Grayson have been summoned back to Wayne Manor by an urgent but anonymous call for help; the invention AND its custodian are reported in grave danger aboard the yacht! Never ones to shirk responsibility, Bruce and Dick, with characteristic speed and resolve, descend promptly into The Batcave, and then, as they have done many times before, as BATMAN AND ROBIN, courageous warriors against crime, they are off once again to the rescue!

The Riddler: Question: Who's going to make the feathers fly and knock Batman and Robin out of the sky?

The Joker: Have you heard this one? It'll KILL you, Batman! [laughs]

Penguin: There are two eggs this wily bird is gonna scramble. Batman and Robin!

Commissioner Gordon: Penguin, Joker, Riddler... and Catwoman, too! The sum of the angles of that rectangle is too monstrous to contemplate.

Batman: We've been given the plainest warning. They're working together to take over...

Chief O'Hara: Take over what, Batman? Gotham City?

Batman: Any two of them would try that!

Commissioner Gordon: The whole country?

Batman: If it were three of them, I would say yes, but four? Their minimum objective must be... the entire world.

Riddler: I see the way to do it. We'll play each of our treacherous trumps in one hand, and we'll do it right here.

Penguin: How?

Riddler: How? The end. The end, oh... [giggles] We shall spring them from The Joker's Jack-In-The-Box, through that window, out over the sea, and into the waiting arms of The Penguin's Exploding Octopus! [giggles again] The trigger: one of my riddles, of course, and the bait: You, Catwoman!

Batman: Indeed, Alfred! I've rarely met a girl who's such a potent argument in favor of international "relations".

[Catwoman is scooping up "dehydrated death-dealing pirates" into separate vials.]

Penguin: Careful, careful. quack, quack. Every one of them has a mother.

Penguin: That's too soon! It must be Batcharges!

Riddler: And that means there'll be more of the dread things meant for us!

Catwoman: You dismal bird! You and your submarine, Where has it got us now?

Penguin: Shut up, you feline floozy!

[Batman and Robin are climbing up the wharf building concealing the United Underworld hideout.]

Robin: When you think, Batman, with people in weird outfits, like the four super crooks hangin' around here, it's amazing somebody hasn't already reported this place to the police!

Batman: It's a low neighborhood, full of rumpots. They're used to curious sights, which they attribute to alcoholic delusions.

Robin: Gosh, drink is sure a filthy thing, isn't it? I'd rather be dead than unable to trust my own eyes.

[Batman dashes around the pier trying to dispose of a comically large bomb, repeatedly running into insensate bar patrons, the Salvation Army, two nuns, a baby stroller, lovers in a boat, and ducks in the water.]

[After processing the jumbled powders of the Security Council members with their Super Molecular Dust Separator, the Dynamic Duo discovers the rehydrated delegates are speaking the wrong languages.]

Batman: Who knows, Robin? This strange mixing of minds may be the greatest single service ever performed for humanity. Let's go, but, inconspicuously... through the window. We'll use our Batropes. [long pause] Our job is finished.

Pirate: Ahoy, Catwoman!

Miss Kitka: [slaps him] Imbecile, How many times have I told you? Never use my real name in public!

Riddler: You and your trained exploding shark.

Penguin: Faugh, Quack! How should I know they'd have a can of shark-repellent Batspray handy? Why, you sniveling sardine!

Riddler: Why you pompous, puffed-up penguin!

Joker: Oh, friends, make peace. Have a shake on me. [shakes their hands, and the two are electrified; Joker laughs manically, and shows he is wearing joy buzzers on his hands] A joke a day keeps the gloom away!

Catwoman: (to her cat) Sic 'em, Hecate. Scratch out their eyes.

Penguin: Take away that ravenous panther!

Riddler: So help me, Catwoman, I'll feed him to the birds.

Joker: I'll incapacitate the beast with my trick confetti!

Catwoman: United Underworld? [scoffs] We're about as united as the members of the United World Headquarters on Gotham East River. What's the matter with you all?