Squidward:[talking to a wax sculpture of himself] Have I told you how beautiful you are? Your tentacles, your nose, your eyes...a little lopsided. [takes out the right eye, fixes it then puts it back in place] There. And now that I've been immortalized in wax, I have conquered all artistic media. Come on, my precious reflection, smile! [Squidward makes wax sculpture smile. Then he hears a crash from outside and frowns; the sculpture does as well]

SpongeBob: Hike, Patrick, hike! [both run in separate directions but SpongeBob has a big rock. Drops the rock on the ground and it breaks in half while Patrick blows a chess piece across a chessboard] You just lost three points. [climbs a tree branch] One. Two. Five! [flips upside down and blows a bubble into a shape] G-7!

Patrick: G-7? King me! King me! [runs into the coral branch and pops the bubble] I lose!

SpongeBob: But it's not Tuesday, Patrick.

Patrick: Tartar sauce! [Squidward peeks out]

Squidward: Hey! What are you invertebrates doing?

SpongeBob & Patrick: We don't know.

Squidward: Hey Patrick, do you know what time it is?

Patrick: Uh, yeah, Squidward, it's... [checks his watch but all the bubble soap leaks out when he turns his wrist around]

Squidward: Time to find some other game to play! [laughs. Turns on the record player while taking a bubble bath]

SpongeBob: Now what?

Patrick:[notices a shell on the ground] We could toss that shell back and forth.

SpongeBob:[picks up shell] Okay... ready! [throws shell into Patrick's belly. Patrick shoots it into the air]

Patrick: Go! [SpongeBob goes after it]

SpongeBob: I got it! I got it! [the shell flies through Squid's open window, knocks into Squid's sculpture, and it falls over] I got it! I got it! I got it! [Squid in the other room, hears a thump, but he ignores it. Sponge and Pat enter the room via the elevator] Remember Patrick, finders keepers.

Patrick: There it is! [points to the shell that is in the wax sculpture of Squidward]

Patrick: Don't worry. I know how to do this. [Patrick tries to give CPR but his face turns blue and he floats up to the ceiling but lets out all the air and lands on top of the wax sculpture's head]

SpongeBob: Get off him, Patrick! [Patrick stands up]

Patrick: What are you worried about? [Patrick's behind is now imprinted on the sculpture's face] He looks better already. [SpongeBob & Patrick stand him up]

SpongeBob: But he still feels cold. [they bring the sculpture in front of the window]

Patrick: Well, let's go put him in the warm.

SpongeBob: Do you think he'll be okay?

Patrick: You know, you worry too much. [the sculpture begins to melt] The Patrick is here and SpongeBob I know a lot about head injuries, believe... [starts to drool as SpongeBob snaps his fingers] ...me. Hey, what's that on your shoe? [Sponge looks down]

SpongeBob: I don't know.

Patrick: It kind of looks like... [a liquid puddle of green goo is on the floor]

SpongeBob & Patrick: Squidward! [both are screaming as Squidward is powdering his nose]

SpongeBob: We'll do anything you want! Just have mercy on us! [Squidward then gets an idea and grins evilly]

Squidward: Enough! Listen up, Squidward's ghost is feeling unusually generous today. He hath decided to spare ye a a horrible fate. All ye must do is tend to my every whim and tickle my fancy on demand.

SpongeBob: Only the freshest, o spooky one. [both run off. SpongeBob comes back with grapes] A grape fresh from the vine, your ghostliness. [Squidward eats it while SpongeBob goes and gets a banana] A banana peeled to your liking, your incorporealness. [squeezes it into Squidward's mouth. Patrick comes back with a watermelon and drops it into Squidward's mouth!]

Patrick: One watermelon fresh from the manure field, your spookiness. [Squidward falls down and stands up with a watermelon head]

Squidward: I think I'm beginning to like this. Stop. [SpongeBob stops] Now, play me an elaborate song with this! [gives SpongeBob a tissue]

SpongeBob: But this is just a piece of tissue paper.

Squidward: Oh, my. [turns back to Squidward is his bath outfit] Always having to have it our way, don't we? Oh, boo-hoo. [SpongeBob tries to get the tissue as music]

SpongeBob: I can't do it! [Squidward stands up]

Squidward: Well, I hope you don't have any plans tonight, because you're not allowed to leave that spot until I hear a song. [walks away. Day turns into night and into day again and SpongeBob is lying on the ground with the tissue on his nose] What's this? Napping on the job? You're supposed to be making music for me. As punishment for this insolence, Squidward's ghost commandeth you to clean out his back room.

Patrick:[comes back with the pie] I found it. [Squidward takes it]

Squidward: I'll take that! [throws pie in Patrick's face]

Patrick: Yes, your ghostliness! [licks filling off his face] This is fun.

SpongeBob: Oh, let's see. It's a comic book, and look at this. It's the Origin of the Flying Dutchman. [shows picture in the book] It says when he died they used his body as a window display. Now he haunts the seven seas because he was never put to rest. Well, don't you get it, Patrick?