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'I just felt like there was no out...I'm going to be sad forever'

Nina Schutzman, Poughkeepsie Journal 1:15 a.m. EDT May 20, 2014

Tina Lee, right, of the National Alliance on Mental Illness, and her daughter, Alexis Hill, stand May 7, 2014, by a National Alliance on Mental Illness ribbon on Main Street in the Village of Fishkill.(Photo: Darryl Bautista/Poughkeepsie Jou)

"I've struggled all of my life, just being so sad," said the 20-year-old Dutchess Community College student. "I just felt like there was no out. Like this is it, I'm going to be sad forever."

There were suicide attempts, more than she can "count on both hands," the earliest at the age of 9, when she tried to hang herself. There were weeks when she'd barely get out of bed, or eat.

But there was also a strong support system — among them, her mother and sister, and members of the National Alliance on Mental Illness Mid-Hudson Chapter, or NAMI-MH.

Tina Lee of National Alliance on Mental Illness talks about the campaign. Her daughter credtis the organization with saving her life. Video by Darryl Bautista
Darryl Bautista

Across the country, NAMI's mission is to unite families affected by mental illness, and offer them help — emotional support, education, advocacy and resources, including classes and programs.

Mental illness, which NAMI defines as "a medical condition that disrupts a person's thinking, feeling, mood, ability to relate to others and daily functioning," affects people from all walks of life.

The goal of the NAMI-MH Ribbon Campaign is to encourage open dialogue, end the stigma of mental illness and promote the free services the nonprofit provides. The campaign will last through May, Mental Health Month. White ribbons bearing the organization's logo are displayed prominently on trees throughout participating Dutchess and Ulster County jurisdictions, by schools and other agencies.

Mental illness affects one out of four adults and one out of 10 children every year, while one out of 17 people lives with a serious or chronic condition, like schizophrenia or bipolar disorder, NAMI reports.

Half of the adults with a diagnosable mental illness will also have a substance abuse disorder at some point.

The Journal has reported an increase in local suicides over a five-year period, and rising drug use, including an increase in prescription pill and heroin overdose deaths.

"Allie ... has the illness, but it really is our illness," said Tina Lee, Hill's mother and public relations director at NAMI-MH. "This is really a community issue."

Hill had been diagnosed with major depressive disorder by late 2012. She had been released from the hospital after another suicide attempt. She is diabetic, so using rehab treatment centers for depression wasn't possible, said Lee, who was exhausted — and terrified about the lack of options her daughter seemed to have.

She came across a Journal article about NAMI-MH soon after Hill got out of the hospital. Something clicked.

Armed with new information and suggestions for navigating the complicated health care system, Lee began to suspect her daughter had borderline personality disorder. Hill was diagnosed with the illness soon after and started therapy tailored to treat her condition.

Her mother's willingness to "work with" with her after she learned more about her illness was a "turning point," Hill said. "I realized I had to put work into getting better."

Treatment can cost thousands of dollars — for just a few days' stay in a hospital — and there's a general shortage of resources, both national and local health officials have said.

"People come in very angry" with the health care system, Lee said. "But get educated, take the anger out of it. ... Learn how to advocate for yourself and your loved one."

NAMI is the nation's largest nonprofit, grass-roots mental health organization, but volunteers said they want it to become a household name.

The Ribbon Campaign has found plenty of local supporters. Some were unexpected.

Arlington firefighter John Ortiz met Lee and Hill by chance at a Poughkeepsie Town Board meeting. The pair went to request support from elected officials — and got it — and Ortiz was impressed with their "passion" for a cause so important to emergency responders.

Arlington Professional Firefighters Local 2393 jumped on board to sponsor the campaign, and members have distributed signs and ribbons.

Emergency responders "deal with people ... who have mental health issues ... almost on a daily basis," Ortiz said. "We can understand the importance of NAMI's" goals.

Protective service workers are also more likely to develop psychiatric or substance abuse disorders, with exposure to traumatic events cited as a risk factor to those new to the emergency services field, according to researchers at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health.

Hilda Lausell became a NAMI-MH volunteer in March after she started attending the Family to Family program.

Her 22-year-old daughter has major depressive and anxiety disorders; she went untreated for years because her family wasn't sure what was wrong.

"There's a lot of misinformation about what mental illness looks like or where it comes from," Lausell said.

Her daughter didn't respond to treatment until she began conducting her own research, and learned that "this is not her fault," Lausell said.

Some programs are peer-run by people like Hill, and NAMI can recommend services from other agencies if necessary, since "we all work together," Lee said.

The county Department of Mental Hygiene's 24-hour help line takes more than 22,000 calls a year, and just expanded services to include texting, which "makes it easier for teenagers to reach out for help ... and get the assistance and support they need," said Dr. Kenneth Glatt, county commissioner of mental hygiene.

"Radical acceptance" and realistic expectations go a long way toward peace of mind, the mom and daughter said.

And recovery is a marathon, not a sprint, they said.

"The key is to give families the stamina to get back into the race," Lee said.

Next up for the local NAMI chapter: settling into a new Poughkeepsie office space donated by Mental Health America, applying for grants and continuing a membership drive to boost their current roster of 165.

Hill still has "episodes," but she's taking the days — most of which are good ones — as they come, she said.