Issue for Anti-Spankers: How do you feel about ethnic disparity in spanking practices?

I'm surprised at how many posters are willing to condemn spanking in any and all situations. They take an absolutist approach to it, and proclaim that spanking is always bad, always wrong, always detrimental. I sense judgement from certain individuals toward parents who employ spanking as a form of discipline. I try to stay aware of the fact that there are many different cultural attitudes toward raising and disciplining children. Children have been reared according to many different philosophies of the years and in various cultures throughout the world. I'm not convinced that our current 21st-century American attitudes are necessarily the best, particularly the middle-upper class attitudes most commonly represented here on DT.

For Debate:

Data shows that spanking is far more prevalent among black parents than white parents in America. If you happen to fall into the "spanking=bad parenting" camp, how do you reconcile this fact? Surely you won't suggest that black parents are worse parents than their white couterparts. If you are anti-spanking, are you able to make allowances for the cultural differences that exist among parents today?

Comments (447)

"^^^Why is it so crazy to think this is domestic violence? If your husband hits you that is domestic violence. If you hit him it's dv. Why is hitting a child not the same? One doesn't have to beat someone to a pulp to be an offender of dv laws.

But, how is a swat on the butt evenly remotely close to DV?"

^^^So you just tap his bottom? It isn't shocking or painful at all? It wasn't done to assert dominance or authority? If yes to those then it is absolutely dv.

But wizz you dont do punishments so what do you do when your son disobeys or is your child perfect ...lol

I don't use punishments for my child either. Granted, he is a toddler, and you shouldn't punish toddlers to begin with, but I feel like its wrong to punish someone who is trying to figure the world out. Children do not misbehave because they are "bad", they misbehave because they are trying to understand. When my kid becomes a teenager, I might use punishments like grounding, if I have to, but even at 18 months, 8 out of 10 times I can ask DS to not do something and he won't do it. If he does do it, I move him while reminding him that we don't do this. I've never ever hit him, put him in time out, yelled at him, etc. And earlier today, the remote was on the table, and he went to grab it, stopped right before he grabbed it, and walked away. I didn't have to spank him to teach him that.

I hate this. My husband is a grown man, I don't punish him because I'm not raising him. If DH is acting bad I do take away his things, put him in time out etc. I guess should never do that to my kids either

Ahhh, yes, but I'm sure you've gotten in arguments with your DH, and you've tried to get him to see your side of things. You've probably asked him to take out the garbage, or pick up his clothes off the floor. Maybe you've even complained about his snoring?

All of this has been done through communication. You're right, your relationship with your DH is one where he is not growing and needing to learn the world, however, he is still learning how to work with you and vice versa as are your children. They are learning how to work with you guys and the rest of the world. Teach them through learning and communication, not through hitting.

--

"If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for a reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed." ~ Albert Einstein

By the way, I use time outs after redirection with my child. I sit with her in time out for two minutes (one minute per age) and I talk to her about why what she did was wrong. When the two minutes are up, I hug and kiss her to let her know that though she did disobey, I still love her. When she's done with time out, she finds something else to do and doesn't go back to misbehaving.

I also talk to her when I do my redirecting. I say things like, "We don't climb on that, yes ma'am?" and she responds with, "Yes ma'am."

The biggest thing my son disobeys with is me asking him to do something, and he says "no". He is 3, and highly independent. He tests his boundaries all the time.

Here is an example of what this might look like in my house.

"F, if you're done playing with your puzzle, please pick it up and put it away"

"No, I don't want to"

"F, you're not doing anything else until that puzzle is put away"

At this point, he usually whines or cries, but will put it away. Prior to getting to this point, he learned we were serious when we said this because if he said "no", we would physically go to him and physically use his hands to pick up the puzzle, put the pieces in the box, put the box in his hands, lead him by the hand to the playroom and physically "help" him put the puzzle where it goes. He knows that when asked to do something, his option...is to do it. Period.

In ten years she'll be sent to her room with explanations. I don't see why it shouldn't work? Do you have experience with this out of curiosity? If so, what do you usually do with your ten year old when you're not spanking them.

^^^ I have only had to do it twice for this offense and he thinks twice and walks away from the outlet when he thinks about sticking something in them now. It helps in my household. Not sure what it does for everyone elses.

But what does that actually teach him? Does it teach him why he shouldn't touch the outlets, or does that teach him that if he touches the outlets he'll get hit? To me hitting seems pointless because it doesn't teach kids why they shouldn't do certain things, which leaves room for those actions to be repeated when parents aren't around.