Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

How To Win Back Your Ex

A few months ago, New Mexico resident and computer tech Greg Fultz provided $1,300 to fund a large billboard. The ad featured a photo of him in front of a playground cradling the opaque outline of an infant. The caption read, “This Would Have Been A Picture Of My 2-month Old Baby If The Mother Had Decided To Not KILL Our Child!” and carried the official endorsement of the New Mexico chapter of the Right To Life Foundation. The billboard also stated that it was “Created for N.A.N.I. – National Association of Needed Information.”

Greg's Original Ad

The ad quickly drew media attention and several details emerged concerning Fultz’s claims. It appears that the woman Futz, 35, impregnated happened to be a twenty year old college classmate named Nani and the “Created for Nani” acronym was a thinly-veiled public accusation masquerading as a non-existent organization. Fultz later revealed that the two only had a six-month relationship and he has no idea whether Nani actually had an abortion or simply suffered an involuntary miscarriage (as she claims). He insists that since Nani has not spoken to him since their relationship ended, he has received “no closure” concerning his loss and that is why he chose the billboard.

Nani has retained a lawyer and is taking him to court for invasion of privacy, harassment, and domestic abuse. Fultz and his attorney insist that the billboard’s content is protected by his first amendment right to free speech but he voluntarily removed the “Nani” reference. Upon discovering that Fultz was not certain his ex-girlfriend had actually had an abortion, Right To Life retracted their support and their logo no longer appears on the ads.

This is an interesting case study in free speech versus personal privacy and some (including Fultz’s own attorney) have compared it to the recent ruling in favor of Westboro Baptist Church. I might be inclined to agree with that if he had not chosen to publish the rather unique first name of his ex-girlfriend who resides in a small town of 35,000 people. Whether she had an abortion or a miscarriage, Fultz appears to be leaving the land of free speech and entering the realm of a well-publicized HIPAA violation.

He has every right in the world to publish a picture of himself holding what appears to be clipart from the “infant crime scene” collection with the caption “My Future Child Was Murdered By Abortion” or “Look What Abortion Did To Me.” However, the moment he identified his ex-girlfriend and publicly accused her of having the most polarizing medical procedure in modern history he veered away from moral statement to personal attack. I believe that the fact he was willing to do all this without knowing whether or not she even had an abortion makes it a case study in varsity-level jack-assery.

I am personally shocked that Nani would give up her chance to stake her claim on a catch like Greg.

After all, how often do you come across an eligible, mulletted mid-thirties computer tech that is willing to have sex with twenty-year old women outside the confines of marriage? He is obviously an emotionally well-adjusted man with marketing initiative and access to large amounts of disposable income. Let this be a lesson to all the ladies out there: once the Flutz-train leaves the station, it ain’t coming back.

While I completely understand the passion and controversy behind abortion and support every person’s right to speak either in favor or opposition of its use, it appears that Greg is simply attempting to soften a personal vendetta by transforming it into a public issue. I have a hard time believing that a guy who reportedly lists Church of Satan founder Anton LaVey as a person who “inspires” him commissioned the billboard out of pure moral indignation. Perhaps if he had spent the $1,300 on an engagement ring and a haircut Nani would still be returning his calls.

On the plus, side if you are a single woman looking for someone with Photoshop and a twisted sense of justice to impregnate you, Fultz is back on the market.