Drama in Lagos Island: Bleaching Cream Seller Got Me Shook

It was Tuesday afternoon and the sun was scorching. Even though I was in my car with the AC on full blast, I still felt it.

I had a meeting at Catholic mission inside Lagos Island but I didn’t really know the exact address, I’ve told myself severally to get used to google maps but I still poke my head out of my car window asking everyone for directions. So, on this day, we (My driver and I) pulled over beside a woman seated by the kerb selling bleaching cream in a big green bowl. From all the sizes of plastic bottles in the bowl, words like “Radiant skin”, “Body white” “Snow white” jumped at me. Yup, Definitely bleaching cream.

As we pulled over, she was holding on tight to her umbrella, seated on a wooden stool, pressing her small Nokia and talking to herself.

I interrupted her soliloquy. “Good afternoon ma, I’m going to St Nicholas House” My head was out of the window, I felt my foundation melt into my skin

“Wetin you talk?” She looked angry as she managed to steer her face away from her phone.

“I’m going to St Nichola house ma, could you direct me?” I repeated.

She got up suddenly, her big bosom taking flight with her. I immediately notice the different colours of her legs, they didn’t match her face nor did her face match her neck, the whole situation reminded me of a rainbow. “Ahn ahn. So you cannot greet someday first? Abi Ambode put me here to do road warder for you?”

WAWU! That was fast. I wasn’t in the mood for drama but before I could say anything, my driver had jumped in.

“Madam she greeted you now, maybe you didn’t hear”

Madam was on the pedestrian walkway but jumped down like it was higher. She moved really close to my car, rested one arm on my window and looked me dead in the eye. This time, I noticed a nose ring, which rested on a layer of redness on her nose and when her nose flared, I could see the hook. I instinctively moved back into my seat

“Do you know that my last born fit old pass you? Warn your driver make e SHUT UPPP” She screamed the last two words at me as she rolled her neck around and suddenly brought it to a stop. “I wee deal with you and him just now-now and your car no go comot this Catholic. Na me talk am. Haha! Can you imagine?!”

Honestly, I was shocked but I was running late. This woman already looked like DRAMA so I quickly apologized, “I’m sorry about that ma. But please remove your hand from the door, I’m late for my meeting. I’ll find the address myself don’t worry”

“If I no remove am wetin you go do?” She asked me defiantly and in the same breath, she said “Anyway,” she hit the inside of the door with her palm “ST Nichola hospital abi house? Which one you dey go?”

“House,” I said

“E no too far. Just go straight dannnn you go see hospital for your right. Turn inside, you go see house”

“Thank you ma,” I said.

“Eess okay”

But her arm was still on my window. Like she suddenly realised this, she stepped back and said “If you want make I sell you cream for people of shokolate colour wey your body go dey glow, I get o. But go your meeting, when you dey come back, I go dey here”