I totally am aware of the fact that magazines will not sell if celebrities are not photoshopped. Although I think this is stupid, it is unfortunately a harsh reality. If celebrities look normal (i.e. "like crap") then advertisers refuse to have their product in a magazine. This is because if readers see photos of beautiful, perfect models and movie stars, chances are they will feel ugly, horrible and overweight. This then encourages them to go out and buy that foundation or mascara in the hope that they too can look like an airbrushed celebrity. So if non airbrushed celebrities were used, there would be no advertisements in a magazine, resulting in lack of funds and therefore the magazine cannot be published.

Anyway, so getting to the point. I think, there are some people who should not be photoshopped for magazines. One recent example is Julie Goodwin. The winner of Masterchef Australia. Goodwin has recently joined the team at The Australian Women's Weekly (AWW) to contribute columns about food and life as a mum of three. With any new addition to a publication, promotional and publicity shots are taken. Goodwin was no exception. Photos she had taken are below, with excessive photoshopping. I understand if they photoshop it to remove light or get rid of a couple of stray hairs, but these photos are just absolutely ridiculous.

Julie is representing the thousands of working mothers in Australia. People should aspire to be as talented and lovely as she is. Instead, people will be aspiring to run a business, a household, contribute to a magazine and at the end of it look 100% fantastic. Julie isn't supposed to be an image of absolute beauty. When are people going to start looking beyond appearances to what actually makes up a person?

I think this is the type of photo we need to see more of instead of the excessively photoshopped ones.

What do you guys think? Let me know where you stand on the whole photshopping debate.

I adore 'news' items that are so, so ridiculously stupid and/or lame. They make my day.

Latest article of pure hilarity is this one.Just from reading the headline "Haribo MAOAM sour candies feature 'fruits in pornographic poses' ", you know it's going to be a good story.

So basically, a bunch of sooky whiners are complaining to lolly making company Haribo, saying that their 'Maoam' product features, well, there's really no easy way to say this, basically, it apparently features different fruits getting it on with one another, engaging in sexual intercourse, making babies/baby fruit, sleeping together.. etc etc. I would go further but this is a PG RATED BLOG of course.

The main guy having a massive complain about this said "The lemon and lime are locked in what appears to be a carnal encounter."

Okay, really, who looks *that* closely into something as trivial as this?! I also like the usage of the phrase "carnal encounter". It adds some class to the whole debacle.

Another quote; "The lime, whom I assume to be the gentleman in this coupling, has a particularly lurid expression on his face."More classy words 'gentleman' and 'lurid'. He could have said 'dude' and 'raunchy'. (If you look at the photo of the lime.. I don't really think 'lurid' is the correct word to be using anyway!)

But, the best best best quote of all: "I demanded to see the shop manager and, during a heated exchange, my wife became quite distressed and had to sit down in the car park."

I'm sure he means his wife was distressed about the argument but for the purposes of humour, let's say she was distressed from seeing the images on the lolly packaging. I'm sure his wife knows what sex is, has had sex and obviously isn't against sex because she has two kids and I bet she didn't get them in two go's!"

I really don't see what the big deal is. I think it's like anything, if you don't like it, don't pay attention to it.Anyone over 18 should be mature enough to laugh it off, and most young kids won't associate it with sex and be like "Ohhh sex is so cool, even fruit characters are doing it!". They are more likely to give that reaction after watching any filmclip on MTV.

Here are the "pornographic" images. Let me know what you guys think.. G Rated or XXXX Rated? Also, just putting it out there. Judging by the pictures, the lime seems to be getting A LOT of action :)

I know that I am not the only person in the world who groans loudly, displaying outward signs of annoyance when an old or very lame song comes on at a party, but secretly deep down inside, are actually enjoying the song very much... and know all the words to it... and have a dance routine made up for it...

Just do no one gets confused, when I say 'old music', I'm not referring to old awesome music like The Beatles or Michael Jackson or Fleetwood Mac etc etc. I am referring to old music as in old from like 8 years ago. I will bless you with such titles in a moment.

When I say lame music, it could just be music that falls under your radar of most hated music genre. For me, this is pop/mainstream music.

So dear friends, take a deep breath and confess to me all your dirty secret pleasures of the music world. Because I'm *so* nice. I'll list a couple of my own.

Boy Does Nothing -Alesha Dixon (Ok it's really catchy alright?! And I have a firm belief that this song should be used as an advertisment for dishwashing detergent.. think about it- it would *so* work!)

Pretty much anything by the Spice Girls

Shake It - Metro Station. (Yes, I am VERY embarassed to admit this.)

Blue (Da Ba Dee) - Eiffel 65

Candy - Aaron Carter

5,6,7,8 - Steps (My bootscootin' baby.. is driving me crazy.. Ok I don't actually like this song, but the list was so lame already, I just had to add this one in.)

Bring It All Back - S Club 7

I'm sure I'll think of more to come in the next few days, so I'll keep updating the list.In the meantime though, do share your favourite crap songs with me! :)

Let me introduce you to a little website called Looklet. First introduced to me by Miss Peregrin, this website is a great way to kill time, but also to play around with outfits, mix and match and discover combinations never before seen, even in your wildest dreams.

Looklet allows you to choose a model, her outfit, shoes, accessories and even the backdrop for the shoot.

If you're as bored and sad as I am, you will revel in it's glory.

This is one outfit I put together quickly for the purpose of this blog entry.

Have fun with it, dears!Post a comment on here with the outfits you put together! :)

p.s. if anyone can share with me how to fix up the settings on here, it will be much appreciated.. all my photos keep getting cut off!

I've decided that I have a problem with day time television programs. (Except for The Ellen Degeneres Show and Judge Judy because they are fantastic).

There's basically only two shows I cannot stand and they are

Ready Steady Cook

and Huey's Cooking Adventures.

My reasoning behind the strong dislike of said programs is fairly weak.

The host of Ready Steady Cook, Peter Everett, is really annoying and gets in the way of the chefs, all.the.time.

Huey's Cooking Adventures is just annoying because of the usage of the word 'Adventures'.If he was cooking on top of a mountain that he climbed by himself with all the cooking utensils on his back, yeah then I'd say it's an adventure. But cooking in a park (or more commonly seen, just in a kitchen) does not justify the term 'Adventures'.

BREAKING NEWS: 'Cyclone Stevo' hit Mt Druitt last night in the early hours of the morning.

Victims were seen wandering aimlessly through the streets muttering "f*ck me dead". The cyclone destroyed the area, causing approximately $18 in damages. 2 acres of burnt out cars, fridges and other electrical appliances were also disturbed.

Several collections of momentos including a set of limited edition VB bottles were unfortunately damaged beyond repair.

Many of the locals were awoken long before their Centerlink cheques arrived. Shaken community members are dumbstruck by the event and are still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting actually happened in Mt Druitt.

One resident, Sammi Sue Sanders, a 17 year old mother of 4 said "It was such a shock, my little Coco-Maddiysan came running into my bedroom crying.. Chardonnaye, Ysabellah and Jorjah slept through the whole thing!"

Police officials say that robberies, mugging and crime rates were unaffected and continued on as normal throughout the storm.

Rescue workers have so far managed to ship 380 cases of West Coast Coolers and Tooheys New into Mt Druitt to help the stricken locals.

The search is still carrying on through the rubble. At time of print, a large quantity of personal belongings have already been salvaged including health care cards, jewellery from Coles and kitchenware sets from Aldi.

(Disclaimer: The contents of this fictional article do not represent any real individuals, living or dead. The purpose of this work is a lame attempt on my behalf to be humorous and should not be taken seriously.)

3. I now have the ability to book hotel rooms, purchase concert tickets and go crazy over vintage sellers on ebay without having to borrow someone else' credit card. This is going to be awesome.

2. Discussing the very real possibility of moving out next year. I cannot wait to have some independence in my life, preferably in the form of a terrace house in Surry Hills, Ultimo, Chippendale or Glebe. All within a glorious walking distance to university. I am very much looking forward to the days of bedrooms being as messy as I like, cupboards only stocked with 2 minute noodles, chico lollies and energy drinks and the fact that I will have a legitimate reason to throw a housewarming party.

1. Upon hearing the news that Fleetwood Mac have announced an Australian leg of their world tour, I squealed excitedly like a small, impish child. The Sydney concert isn't until December but I am certain that my behaviour at said event will be comparable to that of a 14 year old at the world premiere of 'High School Musical'. If John Lennon and George Harrison come back to life and perform a 'One Night Only' Beatles exclusive concert in my backyard, my life will then be complete.

You know that feeling you have when you’re absolutely in awe of someone and think to yourself ‘Why didn’t I think of that idea?!’. That’s how I felt when I read about a young femme named Sheena Matheiken. She was raised and educated in India and has created the most revolutionary little thing known as The Uniform Project.

Basically it goes like this: 1 dress. 365 ways.As of May 2009 Sheena has worn the same dress (She owns 7 identical ones) every single day, making it look different and unique each time by usage of layers and accessories (many of which are vintage, hand made or donated). All funds raised by The Uniform Project go directly to ‘The Akanksha Foundation’, specifically ‘Akanksha’s School Project’ which is devoted to bring education to children living in Indian slums. The Indian Government spends around $360 a year on the education of one child. 80% of these kids drop out before reaching Grade 10. Akanksha promises to spend the same figure on every child residing in slums to give them a better education.

I think this is such a phenomenal and absolutely wonderful assignment that is being undertaken, it will change the lives of so many disadvantaged young souls.

To donate funds to ‘The Akanksha Foundation’ go to: Donate Funds($360 sends one child to school for a whole year, if you grab 20 friends, that’s $18 each which will go a long long way in improving a child’s life)

To donate accessories go to: Donate Accessories(When Sheena wears your item, she gives a shout out to you on her website and will also link your blog.)

Even if you're just donating $5 or an old belt, every little bit counts :)

Cast your minds back to say, 6 months ago. The Swine Flu panic was in it's peak. Almost everyone was hysterical, thinking they were dying if they had a slight cough of a morning. I even have a friend who went out and got the flu vaccine, thinking it would save her from Swine. (I couldn't resist the urge to point out 'You know it's a different illness right? That's like giving a cancer patient Paracetemol'.)

I'm not sure how many individuals out there are unfortunate enough to think the same way I do, but I actually *wanted* to get Swine Flu. Before everyone starts screaming about me being an emo who hates the world, let me explain my perfectly logical reasons.

I knew it wouldn't kill me. The only people dying from the Swine lived in countries where they're unfortunate enough to not have a good health care system and infection is high there. Yes, I understand that x amount of people had died in Australia but if you calm down for a second and read into it more, those people had other health issues, primarily respiratory diseases.

I'd also been told that having Swine was practically the same as having the normal flu, so it was no big deal. As a person who gets the normal flu once a year anyway, I figure that it might as well be the Swine so in 5 years I can revel in the glory and amusement of wearing this tshirt:

(I told people about my marvelous plans to wear a shirt of this description a couple of months ago and then today found that people have created them! Image via Ali Bell)

Well, last week I attempted to do a 'regular segment' on here.. Top 10 Tuesday.I'll be honest. It took me about 5 hours to think of 10 good things that happened in the past week. What a sad life I lead when I have to refer to sushi and coke in my Top 10 things. So, from now on, it will be........Top Three Tuesday! Or Top Two Tuesday, depending on how many times I made a fool out of myself in that week.

Anyway, getting to the point.

3. News articles such as *this*. To summarise this absolute hilarity, Don Burke (television gardening specialist/general twat) has had a go at Donna Hay (pretentious chef) for publishing recipes using parsnip as an ingredient. The two parties argued over A VEGETABLE in a public battle via radio/print. I am loving this for a few reasons.a. Clearly you have a problem if you're whinging about a recipe with parsnip. 1, Because who the hell argues about a vegetable and 2, because no one's died yet so it can't be that bad. b. The fact that so many people commented the article arguing for and against the usage of parsnip in culinary creations. WHAT THE HELL?! Why are we discussing the positives and negatives of a vegetable?! I find it quite amusing that people have enough time on their hands to argue their point and defend the vegetable.c. A quote from Don Burke: "I'm outraged, I'm angry, I'm upset, I'm crushed. I'm all of those things and a lot more." - Can I just remind you once again, that this is a vegetable we're talking about. The way he's carrying on is as if someone ran over him with a truck and then took away his contract with Channel 9.d. The wannabe journalist in me comes out here.. Why on earth is this classed as 'news'? Lets just ignore the fact that we're in a global financial crisis, convicted drug smugglers are having their sentences cut, the war on terror is still raging but lets report on VEGETABLES!

2. Watching Rove on Sunday night. I'm not usually a big Rove fan but as I mentioned before on here, the spectacular Judith Lucy is now a regular cast member on the program so I am now a regular Rove viewer. Everyone should watch, okay? They also had Carl Barron on as a guest.. I don't think I've laughed so much in months. It was awesome.

1. The White Album Concert. Basically 4 musicians (Chris Cheney from The Living End, Josh Pyke, Tim Rogers from You Am I and Phil Jamieson from Grinspoon) have come together with a 14 piece band and performed all the tracks from The Beatles White Album. I was in attendance at this show on Friday night and it was the most amazing thing in the world. The songs were perfectly done. It was especially great because they didn't interpret them in their own way and didn't act as if they were a 'tribute band'. I probably enjoyed it so much as it's the closest thing I'll ever get to seeing The Beatles.

A.

So lovelies, what wonderful things have you experienced in this past week that's made you giggle?

Okay, so I think I've worked out the incredibly obvious functions of customising a blog.I swear there used to be a little icon to let people comment, but apparently not. Okay so to comment posts, just click on 'Comments' and then it should work. I feel like such a retard having to work this out. It's like a 34 year old learning how to tie their shoes or to use a knife and fork.

Because you're not blind, you probably would have noticed that I've changed the layout on here, again! (Actually, if there are any blind 'shut up, vita' readers, please do get in touch) So yes, do let me know what you think of this layout :)

Until next time (probably tomorrow because I have no life) bloglings, have a lovely day :)

I've reverted 'shut up, vita' back to the original premade template because when I put the new custom one on, it wouldn't let people leave comments. How wonderful that reverting it made absolutely no difference in comment allowance. If any expert bloggers know how to turn comments back on (I've gone through all the settings and it all says that comments should work, but then again, I am a bit of a retard), I would be much appreciative if you dropped me a line on Twitter or an email.

I really got sick of the premade blogger template that was used previous to this one I've done now.I'm not 100% sure about the colour scheme though.. this yellowy background is slightly off-putting. I do like the patterned background though :)

And to be completely random, my brother took this photo near my house the other day. I thought it was stunning so I'll share it with all of you. It was taken on a phone though, so do excuse the imperfect photo quality.

This is going to be my attempt at having a regular segment each week, inspired by 'It's Friday' on Frock and Roll, and more recently 'WTF Wednesday' on a blog which I cannot seem to find anymore. I do feel like a dreadful human being for being unable to credit it correctly. (If you are the mastermind behind 'WTF Wednesday', do pipe up!) So yes, every Tuesday I will list my Top Ten things, people, places and experiences of the past week (as if that wasn't extremely evident by the title of this post).

10. Finding my feet in the world of blogging. 'shut up, vita' has only existed for just over a week, and I'm loving being able to write about almost anything on here. Obviously have so much to learn, but I'm very much looking forward to it and finding new wonderful blogs along the way. If anyone has any tips or pointers for blogging, do let me know :)

9. Organising weekend trips to Sydney, 3 months in advance. I make it sound like I live far away from Sydney when it's only about an hour or so drive. Nevertheless, a friend and I are making the pilgrimage to the city with the coat hanger for a 2 day festival on Cockatoo Island in the Harbour. Much excitement there for this little expedition.

8. Tuna and Avocado Sushi with Coke Zero. This is the best combination of food and is relatively healthy, aside from all the dodgy chemicals in Coke Zero. Non sushi eaters, I demand that you try Tuna & Avocado sushi. It is amazingly delicious. I know that seaweed is a turn off but I promise you can't taste it, otherwise I wouldn't eat it. I actually look forward to my break at work purely on the basis of going to get sushi. No life? Yeah.

7. Family members getting Facebook. I'm not referring to young family members either. As of this week, my aunty and uncle (who are well into their 50's!) have created Facebook profiles. I don't see them all that often, one lives in another state and the other one is always busy, so it's awesome to have an easy means of communication. The general consensus I've received from friends is "OMG, What if they read what you've been saying to your friends?!?". I tend to not post anything on Facebook that I wouldn't want read by anyone, let alone family, or if I do post it then I private message the person. Most of my family is on Facebook now... just waiting for my 83 year old Grandmother to jump on the bandwagon!

6. The wonderful work of My Mama Made It. This blogger is a genius. Her little clothing creations are absolutely divine. From what I could see, she doesn't reside in Australia which is most unfortunate. It would be wonderful if she sold her pieces online. She also posts sewing tutorials, so any keen seamstresses should check it out.

5. Concert For George. This is basically a live concert held in 2001 on the one year anniversary of the death of musician George Harrison. All these amazing musicians (Eric Clapton, Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers, Paul McCartney, Jeff Lynne, Ringo Starr and Joe Brown to just name a few) came together to celebrate his life and music. I've been mainly listening to the audio version on iTunes but I went and pulled out my DVD of it the other day. It is the most amazing music performance I've ever seen. Everyone should look it up on YouTube and watch one or two songs, it's fantastic.

4. Having secret little fantasies. Get your minds out of the gutter, this is a PG Rated blog thank you very much! As most of the Australian readers would know (I love that I say "Australian readers" as if this is a well read blog across many international cultures), Kyle Sandilands was removed from his judging positition on Australian Idol following the 14 year old girl rape scandal on the Kyle & Jackie O show, aired on 2DayFM radio. As the Idol auditions were filmed long before his removal of the show, I had this sneaky little longing inside of me that Kyle's face would be blurred out so that Australian Idol could stick to their guns in a more thorough fashion.

3. MSN Conversations with nice people until 2am in the morning. The past week or two, I think I've been up till around 1.30-2am about 4 or 5 times chatting away on MSN with one or two lovely individuals. Topics of conversation include why my hair takes so long to dry and the consequences of it being wet, the most fabulous children's television programs from the 1990's (The Secret World of Alex Mack, Round the Twist & Johnson and Friends, anyone?!?), My super ability to set off fire alarms by having a shower or simply looking at them and the crazy energy drinks which can be purchased in Amsterdam.

2. Receiving my university acceptance letter. Okay so this was around 2 weeks ago, but I am posting it now because 'shut up, vita' didn't exist 2 weeks ago. As of 2010, I will finally be pursuing my lifelong dream (this is actually not an exaggeration) of becoming a journalist. I am not sure why I am looking so much forward to life existing of textbooks, 2 minute noodles every day, sleepless nights and an impoverish lifestyle. One way or another, I can't wait!

1. Receiving the news that one Judith Lucy will now be a regular guest on Rove, replacing Dave Hughes who has gone to The 7pm Project. As a ridiculously huge fan of the wonderful comic work Judith unleashes on Australia, I am incredibly excited at the prospect of having Judith on my television screen at least once a fortnight. It will be the epitome of excellence. Any readers who have not heard of the comedic genius that is Judith Lucy, I demand that you YouTube her at once. It will be the best thing you ever did.

A.

What's something great you've experienced this week that made you smile?