A
family of goondas waylays truck drivers on highways and loots them in collusion
with the local police. Their son is in search of a bride but no family wants to
give him their daughter. A gangster is in search of a husband for his sister, but the combined might of her
explosive nature and bro’s explosive career keeps prospective grooms away. The girl is Indu Tendulkar; the
‘boy’ is Bahattar (yes, 72) Singh. You know of course without being told that
he is played by Akshay Kumar and she by Asin, that their paths will cross at
some point and that they will fall in love.

The
name Bahattar forms the crux of one of the film’s many lame jokes. Equally lame
is the ‘joke’ that the men in this family are all married to foreigners which
means Bahattar’s mother is a white woman and his grandmother is black. This
could have been funny except that the point is repeated ad nauseum plus both
ladies can’t act. Cliches abound in this film, as frequently as dull songs. In
the role of a marriage broker cum wedding planner, Himesh Reshammiya moves his
facial muscles here more than he ever has before, but the fact that a non-actor
like him gets to hog screen space in all his scenes while the supremely
talented Sanjay Mishra is relegated to the role of his sidekick is completely
unforgivable, even if Himesh happens to be one of the film’s producers. Johnny
Lever appears in a brief role to contort his face a few times. Asin fans may
derive consolation from the fact that her character is less insignificant here
than she was in Bol Bachchan, but
that’s not saying much for an actress who was an established star in southern
India when she entered Hindi filmdom with a splash in 2008, before making a
series of bad career choices. Still, it must be said that she looks pretty in Khiladi 786, has a natty wardrobe and shows
off a refreshingly well-rounded body that’s neither overweight nor skinny in
the manner of many of her industry colleagues.

Nothing,
however, illustrates the poor quality of the film’s writing better than the title
itself. We’re never given a full explanation for why Bahattar Singh is also
widely known as Khiladi 786 in the story (apart from a brief glimpse of one his
palms on which the lines form those three numerals), but it doesn’t take much
of an IQ to figure out that this is the team’s unsophisticated effort to remind
us of Akshay’s run of luck with film titles featuring the word “Khiladi” while
also using the numerical significance of 786 to appeal to a community that Bollywood
wisdom tells us has primarily been Salman Khan’s catchment area so far. So
tacky and in-your-face is the effort that at one point, when Bahattar Singh aka
Khiladi 786 has just notched up a major gain in his life, as he walks away from
the scene of his victory, he turns to look pointedly at a place of worship that
just happens to be there. Finesse is clearly not the strong point of this team.

Equally
gauche is the film’s repeated odes to its
leading-man-cum-Bollywood-box-office-king-of-2012-so-far Akshay, precisely in
the manner that all Salman Khan’s films pay homage to Salman these days. But
even a charismatic star like Akshay needs to do more than strut, preen and pose
around to be appealing.

It’s
not that Khiladi 786 is without any
redeeming factors. It actually is genuinely funny in places, my favourite
moment being the manner in which Bahattar Singh pronounces the word “valet” to
mean something completely different in Hindi. But such moments are few and far
between. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mind mindless comedies. My issue is that
this one is predictable and flat and just occasionally amusing. It actually made
me long for Sajid Khan - yes, it is THAT bad.

If
your tastes run in the direction of this genre, then here’s another comparison
that may help you: with all its loudness and its repetitiveness in the second
half, Son of Sardar is a far far far more
entertaining film than Khiladi 786.
Now have I made myself clear?

2 comments:

blame myself to watch this non-sense for the sake of my friends. Couldnt tolerate even one bloody second. Rajinikanth's films are thousand times much better than this. At least those films have some content and moreover some good technical work too. These guys just want over-the-top visuals in the name of entertainment and make the innocent audience fool and pool their hard-earned money. After watching these films, I actually feel pity for those who have toiled and put their effort in making such non-sense films. Grow Up Guys! We want more of '3 Idiots", "GoW", "Paan Singh Tomar". This is the time when you should strike more with more good themes and techniques. Even if its doesnt have a good story, good techniques would do. At least make it! Akshay Kumar....please...stop doing this non-sense and revisit of your OMG wonder and let other talents do more of their work who have wasted their talented in making this so called film of yours.

About Me

Anna MM Vetticad is an award-winning journalist, journalism teacher and author of the critically acclaimed bestseller The Adventures of an Intrepid Film Critic, an overview of the Hindi film industry presented through an account of a year in which she watched every single Bollywood film released in India’s National Capital Region. A journalist since 1994, she has worked with India Today, The Indian Express and Headlines Today. At HT she hosted her own interview show Star Trek which drew all India’s eminent entertainment personalities. While Anna has spent most of her career as a behind-the-scenes editorial person, she has also reported on most major Indian entertainment and lifestyle events and several international ones including Cannes and the Oscars, in addition to being the film critic for Headlines Today. She is currently reporting and writing for multiple publications on cinema and social issues with a focus on gender concerns. The Adventures of an Intrepid Film Critic is available on amazon.com, ebay.in, flipkart.com, ombooksinternational.com, ombooks.com, infibeam.com, homeshop18.com and dialabook.in among other websites, and in stores across India. Twitter: @annavetticad