Six Months

Dear Gregger.

Six months…184 days…4,416 hours…264,960 minutes since we said “I love you” on the Maui beach. Six months since fate changed our lives forever. There’s so much I want to say to you, yet you aren’t here. I miss you. You know that. I love you. You know that too.

What you don’t know is that I get angry and hurt and mixed up and lost. Sometimes I go outside and look up at the stars and think I can see one twinkling so much brighter…is that you? I hate being angry, but sometimes it just happens. People say I am strong. I have tried to be and most days I am. Some days are just harder than others. Six months…this just seems to be a breaking point. I’m not mad at you…I’m mad at the situation. It sucks that you’re not here. It sucks that we aren’t together…that we didn’t celebrate our 39th anniversary or your 61st birthday. These moments will come and they will go. Life will go on but it won’t ever be the same without you in it. I want you to know that and believe you are always in my heart. You made me a better person. You made me believe in myself. You gave me the strength to get through these crappy days…to know that I could do things I never thought I could do. Sometimes I smile because I know you would be so proud. That’s what gets me through another day. Thank you. You were my prince and this is my fairytale ending. It may not be the happily ever after I dreamed of, but dreams don’t always come true. Mine did for 40 years. I won’t be greedy…some people don’t get that in a lifetime. I miss your kiss. I miss holding your hand. I miss your call each night, but, most of all, I miss that raucous snore that kept me awake for hours. What I wouldn’t give for one more snore.

I hope you are getting the rest you so well deserved…that long awaited vacation. I believe you just wanted it to last a while longer. Couldn’t we have done that together? It’s okay. I just hope you are happy and at peace. One day soon I will be too. I’m getting there, day by day. It’s like putting the pieces of a puzzle together. The corners and outside edges are in place, but filling in the middle might take a little more time. I’ll keep you posted Gregger…we’ll always be in touch!

From my heart to yours, to the moon and back, I love you!

I am certainly no princess, but I did marry my Prince Charming. We had the once upon a time and the “almost” happily ever after until August 30th, 2014 when my Prince Gregger died tragically on the beach in Maui. I believe in fairytales. I believe in fate. I believe that “everything happens for a reason.” We planned a lifetime together…75 years to be exact. Someone or something changed our plans and gave us a new “ever after.”
So here I am. I am still a wife, but now they call me a widow. I am a mom and grandma…three children, two in-laws, and two grandchildren. Life has changed and it’s time to move forward. It doesn’t stop, it keeps on going, so I do too. It’s my choice. Be happy, be grateful. It’s the only choice.
I have a treasure trove of memories to share..it’s how I keep the happily ever after alive. A True Love Fairytale is 40 years of memories…it’s the essence of our happily ever after. It’s the imperfections of our perfect marriage. And it’s what makes today beautiful.