October 19, 2012

when words are like a hug

Bill and I visited with our neighbor yesterday who just lost her husband after some 60 years of marriage. It was really sad that death separated this couple who were really wonderful together. Sadly however illness had taken its toll on our friend and we had come to accept that his time had come. He was 83.

While we were sitting at the kitchen table with the family it was remarkable how the stories about him just flowed, stories of his capacity to love his sense of humor and his generosity present in each and every story. Our friend was a kind man.

As I watched the reactions of the family it was clear to me that they were grateful to hear each and every word for indeed they were hanging on every word. remember when. When you're visiting someone who has lost a loved one it's so important to take time to share your remembrance's with the family.

So sorry about the loss of your neighbor; I am sure it was comforting witn you talking to his wife and sharing memories of him with the rest of the family. I totally do agree with you about sharing memories like this of loved ones who have passed, especially in the first few hours, days, weeks of raw grief. I know after my mom passed almost 6 years ago, my mother-in-law telling me she was sorry about her passing when we were visiting, but she never said anything else about her; it was only after my mother-in-law passed last year when we were with my father-in-law talking about my mother-in-law and sharing memories that he told me how much my mother-in-law admired my mom for raising us three kids alone, how the first Christmas card she sent every year was addressed to my mom. I treasured hearing that then, but I would have really treasured it in the days after her passing. Good reminder for us to be sensitive to this in talking with family members.

Deep breath in, deep breath out. This is really beautiful, and I love the image of words being like a hug - because it's so true. Your words have given me many hugs, and I'm glad you were able to share that with this family.