I’m filled with outrageous outrageously outraged outrage at [fill in your name and contact information here] and declare jihad on your fish tank. (This is, of course, problematic for me, what with being a practicing Buddhist and all. But I’m sure I’ll find a way once complete and utter jihadi blindness kicks in.)

It was alleged that Iran’s Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei (Iran’s highest authority) came to Friday, October the 13th prayers packing a Persian Mauser.

Oh, nuh, nuh, nun, nun, nooooOOOOOOoooooo, I don’t think so. It just looks that way. That was no weapon designed to kill humans. It was a holy relic. Follow along as I prove my case with a comparison to the Pope.

Ayatollah Ali Khamenei with a holy relic (The Mauser, ding dong. It’s debatable whether or not the microphones can as yet be considered holy relics.):

The Pope with a holy relic:

Ayatollah Ali Khamenei with a holy relic:

The Pope with a holy relic:

Ayatollah Ali Khamenei with a holy relic:

The Pope with a holy relic (detail):

Ayatollah Ali Khamenei with a holy relic (detail):

The Pope with a holy…ah…er…The Pope appears to be unarmed sans relic in this picture:

There. That should be more than enough proof for even the most staunch septics among you.