As soon as January rolls in, the shelves in the grocery store fill up with Valentine’s Day ‘goodies’… pink bears, heart shaped chocolate boxes, chocolate roses, flowers, cards… all reminding us NOT to forget our loved ones on Valentine’s Day…

Getting it ‘right’ on Valentine’s Day can be tricky.. so ‘How Do I Get it Right’? How do I let them know that I love and care?

For many of us, Valentine’s Day is stressful. There are so many expectations, and with them, the potential for failure.. We may feel apprehensive, with fears and stress about abandonment, betrayals, rejections, and disappointment. ‘Will I matter to you?’.. ‘Will I get it ‘right’… ‘Will I ever be good enough?’

In his blog post ‘Why is January Divorce Month?‘, Barton Goldsmith PhD. writes, “According to the courts, January is the month when most divorces are filed. It may be because the holidays are over or that people want a fresh start at the New Year. Some couples who’ve been planning to break up choose to avoid disrupting their families during the holidays. Others may be hoping that their situation or their partner’s behaviors will change, and when nothing shifts, they opt for dissolution, which at best is a sad thing.”

Maybe that is why, as February rolls in.. we are obviously in the ‘recovery zone’ and eager to get our romantic love ‘right’, and Valentine’s Day a success …

Some years ago I wrote a blog post called: Are the ‘Reds’ of Valentine’s Day Giving you the ‘Blues’?Whether we are in a good solid relationship, wishing and longing to be in one, or struggling to make sense of a difficult complicated relationship: relationships are HARD. Making it through the roller-coaster of togetherness, can be difficult. Balancing a life of chores, children, economics, extended family, while keeping the sacredness of sex and intimacy, can be challenging.

Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin
Dance me through the panic ’til I’m gathered safely in
Lift me like an olive branch and be my homeward dove
Dance me to the end of love…” – Leonard Cohen

We are all longing for that ‘safety in connection’, for that sense that we can let go of our anxieties, relax, knowing that we are held and witnessed. We want to know that ‘I am safe with you’, that when I need you, you will be there for me, and you have my back. We all need that.

We are wired for survival and for connection. For most of us, our sense of intuition will alert us to any emotional danger in our relationships, and any disconnect signal danger. We will then want to protect ourselves, by prompting a protest, a fight or flight, or freeze and flee response. It is when that safe love connection gets compromised, that our primary panic alarm sets us off, alerting us to the danger of disconnect from a loved one.

One of my favorite authors is speaker, change agent, and inspirations leader Brené Brown , who talks about how important vulnerability is to relationships, connections, and love.

“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.”

“Through my research, I found that vulnerability is the glue that holds relationships together. It’s the magic sauce.” ~ Brené Brown

So maybe, after all, getting it ‘right’… is not about the presents but about the presence…

Last weekend, during the last hours of our Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop, here in Nevada City CA, (“Hold Me Tight®” is a registered trademark to Sue Johnson), as we set to our closing ritual, there was not a dry eye in the group. It was so profound, and deep, that once again, I was struck with awe, and immense gratitude to Dr. Sue Johnson who embarked on this journey of figuring out couples relationships, and broke the code of ‘what it is to love’, what are the obstacles to secure attachment, and how to achieve deep close bonding connections with our loved ones.

A man came to me as we were saying our goodbyes, and said: “the work we did this weekend, I never thought will ever be possible between us, you saved our marriage, and you changed my life, being vulnerable was a longing I had all my life. I just did not know how to call it, or how to get there”.

Another participant came and said: “It feels so reassuring to know that we are not alone. To connect with other couples in this setting and to learn so much about how to get our relationship right. The Hold Me Tight workshop gave us a map to succeed in our relationship”.

For those of you who have made a New Year resolution for a better relationship, and want to deepen and strengthen your relationship and connection, we are offering our next , Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop on Saturday and Sunday, May 5-6, 2018, in Nevada City CA.

At our Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop, in a safe, intimate, private setting, we hold space for couples to become vulnerable and open to explore, experience, touch and talk through issues that have been untouched. It is time set aside to have these conversations that have been waiting for a long time to happen.

The focus of EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy), is to help partners understand more clearly each other’s deepest emotions. Feelings are often hidden, unexpressed or misunderstood. Our relationships can be a cause of stress and pain or a source of comfort and joy. In EFT, we help couples learn how to deal with their feelings together, reach towards each other, and be responsive in more loving and positive ways.

Are you longing for Love, Connection, Intimacy, and Vulnerability with your partner, but instead you:

• Affirm strengths in your relationship by developing understanding, communication, and bonding.
• Address negative cycle patterns, and learn why they show up, and how to get out of them.
• Learn how to repair and forgive injuries, and become vulnerable with each other.
• Enhance your emotional, physical, and sexual closeness, and INTIMACY.

The focus of EFT is to help partners to understand more clearly each other’s deepest emotions. Feelings are often hidden, unexpressed or misunderstood. Our relationships can be a cause of stress and pain or a source of comfort and joy. We help couples learn how to deal with their feelings together, reach towards each other, and be Accessible, Responsive, and Engaged.. in more loving and positive ways.

This is a great opportunity to have a deeper and vulnerable look at your relationship, develop new skills to recognize the cycle and patterns that inflict the relationship and keep you separated and apart, and it is also a beautiful time to connect and highlight the strengths of your relationship, and build on the positives that already exist.

Though I lead this workshop regularly, it’s always a renewed, compelling experience for me to facilitate, witness, and hold space for the vulnerable reaching that occurs between partners during the workshop.

Owen Marcus, MA, author, workshop facilitator and TEDxTalk presenter on Masculine Emotional Intelligence, will once again be assisting me in the workshop. Owen brings with him decades of experience leading and facilitating men’s group all over the country in helping men access their masculine vulnerability. Owen’s presence and his work with couples and men will enhance this upcoming Hold Me Tight workshop by offering his depth, support and perspective to the couples in our workshop.

As I keep the groups small and intimate, if you know you want to sign up, I will encourage you to do so shortly, as all our workshop in the last few years have been Sold-Out!

This is a great opportunity to have a deeper and vulnerable look at your relationship, to understand the dance of your own relationships, and develop new skills to recognize the cycle and patterns that inflict the relationship and keep you separated and apart.

It is also a beautiful time to connect and highlight the strengths of your relationship, and build on the positives that already exist.

Please do not hesitate to Contact me with any questions or for more information.

Wishing all of you a special, connected, happy, secure, sweet Valentine’s Day.

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Testimonials

"I want to say thanks for the impact you have had on our lives. We could not have made in though this difficult time in our marriage with out your insight and support. We appreciate your guidance and the tools you have given us that help us communicate in a loving way." Warmest Regards

"You have helped me become a stronger mother, daughter and Me this year. I feel truly blessed to have you in my life. I feel excited and inspired…after all the work we have done in therapy I am ready for the New Year."

"I appreciate the time you spend with me each month. It has been so valuable to my health. Thank you for your love and patience with me. I feel you are the best in your profession!"

"I benefitted a lot from our counseling sessions and your therapeutic insights. I came away feeling good that I learned wonderful skills that will help me feel more confident in my relationships and my entire life. You have an open and healing heart!"

"I cannot thank you enough for doing so much for me. Thanks for always being a guiding light, a beacon of hope, a true enlightening spirit and a grounding force in my life!"

"I feel so lucky to have you in my life. Your therapeutic knowledge and understanding has shaped me to be who I am now. I am a better person for knowing you. Thank you for listening and for being so understanding!"

"You are an astute psychologist who listens and analyses better than anyone I have encountered in the profession, with which I am familiar after years of practicing law. Your sage assistance has helped many."

"My experience with Dalia has been very rich and has opened my mind in unexpected ways. It's revealing to see how issues that have troubled me for years, she can just formulate in one simple sentence and then it's up to me to face what I feel is true or leave aside what does not apply. Thanks for the insights."

Hold Me Tight® Workshop Testimonials

“The group dynamic in the HMT workshop is awesome and a powerful addition to my weekly sessions at the office. Dalia is very professional therapist and group leader. I felt safe, understood, held and validated.”

“Loved the facilitators, safe place for both of us to be vulnerable. Clear steps to ‘get it’ – we learned how to disarm communicate better and improve things. Our relationship improved a lot.”

“Communicating is not as frightening as I thought. I learned how to step into my partner’s shoes much better and how to step into my own shoes. We were able to see how our actions affect each other and understand how the demon cycle gets us.”

“I thought Dalia did an excellent job at guiding us, supporting us and helping when we got stuck. We felt validated, and learned how to do the same for each other. Great workshop."

“We learned that being vulnerable is the best thing we can do for each other.”

“It was a very delightful and very productive workshop, and it was also so much fun!”

“This is an excellent workshop that will bring you closer as a couple. Dalia’s knowledge and experience helped us feel close, and be so much more vulnerable then I could imagined! You won't regret it! It will make your relationship so much better.”

“Give yourselves the gift of this workshop. Do your self the favor and go for it. It will change your life.”

"You are an incredible team. I love how you keep it real and seeing that we all have 'issues'. This is by far the best program we have ever attended, and we are going to recommend it to every couple we know, even if you feel your marriage is great."

"Thank you both for the great class this past weekend. Thank you for your intervention. We both felt that neither of us was all in and it was blocking us from the true love that we both feel for each other. My eyes were opened when you said the word sacred about our bond that we have. Thank you again! I look forward to a long, healthy life with her!"

“Superb workshop. Helped us learn new skills and connect on a deeper level. Highly recommended!”

“Stuck in the same old patterns? This workshop will help you learn how to safely break those patterns and feel great about your relationship.”

“The Hold Me Tight workshop was worth the investment. It was a safe place to open up to my partner on a deeper level. I am so grateful for this opportunity. I am grateful to this space and I know that it was an important step in taking our marriage from good to great.”

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
~ Anaïs Nin

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"I want to say thanks for the impact you have had on our lives. We could not have made in though this difficult time in our marriage with out your insight and support. We appreciate your guidance and the tools you have given us that help us communicate in a loving way." Warmest Regards

"You have helped me become a stronger mother, daughter and Me this year. I feel truly blessed to have you in my life. I feel excited and inspired…after all the work we have done in therapy I am ready for the New Year."

"I appreciate the time you spend with me each month. It has been so valuable to my health. Thank you for your love and patience with me. I feel you are the best in your profession!"

"I benefitted a lot from our counseling sessions and your therapeutic insights. I came away feeling good that I learned wonderful skills that will help me feel more confident in my relationships and my entire life. You have an open and healing heart!"

"I cannot thank you enough for doing so much for me. Thanks for always being a guiding light, a beacon of hope, a true enlightening spirit and a grounding force in my life!"

"I feel so lucky to have you in my life. Your therapeutic knowledge and understanding has shaped me to be who I am now. I am a better person for knowing you. Thank you for listening and for being so understanding!"

"You are an astute psychologist who listens and analyses better than anyone I have encountered in the profession, with which I am familiar after years of practicing law. Your sage assistance has helped many."

"My experience with Dalia has been very rich and has opened my mind in unexpected ways. It's revealing to see how issues that have troubled me for years, she can just formulate in one simple sentence and then it's up to me to face what I feel is true or leave aside what does not apply. Thanks for the insights."