Pete Holmes Takes Realistic Mario Underwater For Another Dark And Demented Short

The last time we checked in with Realistic Mario, the plumber met his end while trying to break blocks with his head and we all got a nice long lecture from the Internet about Mario doesn’t actually use his head to break blocks. A thousand pardons for not actually paying attention to how a sprite managed to retrieve mushrooms and coins from floating blocks.

This time there will be no confusion and there’s no misinformation, Realistic Mario can’t swim. Or he’s unaware of where his pipes actually lead to within the Mushroom Kingdom. I hope that Princess Peach enjoys the inside of a cold castle cell and the feel of leathery skin on her shoulders.

Am I the only one who finds it disconcerting that I knew he punched the blocks when I was seven just by paying attention for two freaking seconds? Or looking at the box and putting two and two together? I mean the box art doesn’t make sense for anything else, he’s clearly about to die horribly, but where’s the hand? Up in the air. And why do you think that is? Because he’s clearly punching something. This is the logic that occured to a seven year old. So there’s only two possibilities that come out of this and the first one is that I’m a genius.