Dear Coleen

I've been married for 10 years. We've been very happy and we have one daughter who’s eight. Previous to my marriage I’d been single for some time after going out with a succession of men who were bad for me.

My husband and I met through mutual friends and started dating. At the time, I was struck by how different he was to all the guys I’d been out with in the past – sensitive, caring, charming and just a really nice person. I almost couldn't believe my luck.

However, if I’m being honest, I never really felt any physical chemistry between us. Don’t get me wrong, the sex is fine, but the passion and lust I’ve experienced with previous lovers just isn't there with my husband.

There’s a guy I’ve been flirting with at work and we've started texting and emailing each other, which I know isn’t a good thing, and I feel as if I’m betraying my husband.

But I’m so physically attracted to him – there’s electricity between us and I've really missed that excitement. I’ve been thinking a lot about whether I want to stay in my marriage, but should I leave just because the sex isn't mindblowing?

Please help.

Coleen says

I think the chances of you having an affair are pretty high right now because you don’t feel satisfied with the sexual and romantic side of your relationship.

And it’s something you’ve always questioned, which makes it a lot harder to work on.

If you’d found him incredibly ­sexually attractive in the past and had a really passionate love life, then there’s every chance you can get that back.

However, if it was never there to begin with, then I doubt it’s going to happen.

Sexual attraction is a very important element of a relationship – you have to be on the same page (whether that’s tons of sex or no sex at all) and, if you’re not, that’s when problems occur.

It would be really sad if you ended up cheating on this man who’s been so wonderful to you.

I think you should be honest with him about how you’re feeling and perhaps explore it through relationship therapy before throwing in the towel entirely.

And, in the meantime, stop flirting with this other guy at work – that’s just confusing things even more.