Diary

No 10's admirable new initiative allowing any citizen of our blessed isle to begin an online petition for the express attention of Mr Tony may, we submit, need a rethink. We say this because among the 85 fine petitions currently open on the site are "We the undersigned petition the prime minister to stand on his head and juggle ice cream," which has attracted an encouraging 16 signatures, and "We the undersigned petition the prime minister to replace the national anthem with Gold by Spandau Ballet," which has thus far found a healthy seven backers. Curiously, though, "We the undersigned petition the prime minister to stay in his post until at least the next general election" has garnered only two. Buck up!

Embroidering briefly, if we may, on the undeniably promising sampler of forgotten English rock bands, it may surprise you to learn (it certainly did us) that seminal 70s popsters Smokie, extravagantly coiffed interpreters of such sparkling gems of our popular music heritage as Living Next Door to Alice, I'll Meet You at Midnight and Oh Carol (to name but three of their memorable hits), are, according to this week's Baltic Times, positively huge in Vilnius. Also, it seems that two years ago they were made honorary citizens of South Korea. Who'd have thought it?

Perhaps more importantly, we are happy to see that the latest recruit to the Iraq Study Group - addressed the other day by Mr Tony - is Mr Lawrence Eagleburger, a man so pleased with his name (which does, after all, combine the two most potent symbols of America) that he called his three sons Lawrence Eagleburger too. This is most encouraging for any future "exit strategy" from Iraq, since Mr E was not only an assistant to Henry Kissinger in the Nixon administration whose "exit strategy" from Vietnam entailed bombing Laos and Cambodia, but also a senior figure in the Reagan government whose "exit strategy" for Nicaragua's Sandinista government consisted of clandestine funding for the Contras. Who knows, with guys like this on board, we may end up doing more damage on the way out than we did on the way in!

To Taiwan, now, where we are indebted to the Liberty Times for the disturbing news that a giant wooden sculpture of a penis is causing consternation at Taipei's international airport. The one-metre-long artefact in terminal two has, it seems, offended foreign visitors and flight crew alike, but is part of an important exhibition of objets from the Thou tribe, who "since ancient times have used it to pamper the female mountain god who unleashes rock and mud slides". What exactly do they do, we wonder? Stick it in a cave?

A couple of crackers from editor Mr Matt d'Ancona at the Spectator luncheon yesterday, we hear. On Mr Tony's recent performances: "In the old days he used to re-announce his policies. Now he just re-announces his resignation." On selfsame resignation, with reference to much-maligned Labour manifesto: "It's no longer a commitment - it's an aspiration." Arf.

Overheard, at a dinner for the construction-industry charity The Lighthouse Club the other night, the helmetless member for Henley nobly pursuing his solitary campaign against the evils of the "utterly demented", "ludicrous" and "profoundly undemocratic" law on child booster seats in particular, and, by extension, of health-and-safety legislation in general. "There are now 3,621 pieces of it," railed Bo-Jo, as he is known to his many admirers. "That's 76 times the length of War and Peace. Is that good for the country? I think not." He's no lightweight, Bozza, we can tell you.

Can anyone enlighten us as to why the logo of the Labour Supporters Network appears to closely resemble the "adult toy" known, we are reliably informed, as "love beads"?

Hats off, finally, to the two Scots who have just completed the 420-mile hike from Elvis Voe, Bressay to Presley Farm, Moray, via Ben Nevis (for It's Now or Nevis) and The Lash in Orkney (in honour, obviously, of Viva Lash Vegas). Sound work!