Thursday, December 05, 2013

I had a girl friend once who would make me wait an hour while she teased and sprayed her dyed hair, drew eyebrows back where the real ones had been plucked, glued on eyelashes and daubed mascara, painted her artificial fingernails, applied makeup and powder to hide her face, put on a bra to enhance her sagging bosoms, a girdle to make her look thinner, stockings and high heels to make her legs look shapelier and then spent the rest of the night bitching to me about how all guys are just fakes.

Tuesday, July 09, 2013

After I got over the shock of what they did to my revered image of the traditional story I have been replaying some of the highlights of the new film in my memory and I'm enjoying them more with each replay.

We should all be used to Hollywood special effects by now but the sight of the Daring and Resourceful Masked Rider of the Plain riding his ('stupid'...according to Tonto) white stallion at full gallop atop a racing train still resonates in my mind.

Yes, I was even treated to the William Tell Overture but Tonto's comment when the signature scene came with the Lone Ranger pulling Silver onto his hind legs and calling "Hi-yo, Silver!" will go down along with "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn" and "I'll be b-a-a-c-k" as one of the great moments in film history.

Saturday, April 27, 2013

While fixing supper tonight I received a phone call from a friend in
Georgia who wanted me to drop everything and turn on the TV to see a
full-length movie remake of the TV series "Starsky and Hutch". I had
never seen a full episode of the series, only enough to make me turn
off the set, but I decided to run down some YouTube clips of the new
movie just to humor his wishes. They reaffirmed everything I have ever
thought about the mentality of TV viewers. I had always figured the
average viewer mentality at about 6th grade but I was starting to think
it might be more like 3rd grade.

Intrigued, I Googled around trying to find research on this topic.
Instead, I stumbled onto a little 20-or-30-question quiz that purports
to determine a person's mental age. I gave it a try and learned that my
mental age is 72 years. The darn quiz was smarter than I thought. I am
wise beyond my years, it seems.
http://www.dumb.com/mentalage/

Friday, April 26, 2013

I just called a local company looking for a replacement lamp socket for
my garage door opener. The answering service lady explained that the
office was closed for lunch and should reopen about 1:30 pm. I asked if
I should call back then at the number I just dialed and was told that I
should.

My question is: Nobody DIALS any more do they? What should I have said?
"Call back at..." doesn't count. I want to know what word now replaces
"dial". Should I "press" the number I just pressed? And what if I
"voice dialed" it? Woops...there's that word again. (It seems that
phrase means almost nothing when you think about it)

Our useful words are quietly vanishing away. Attrition should be made
of sterner stuff.

Sunday, March 03, 2013

Most people have never seen the planet Mercury. Most of the time
it is too close to the Sun because, well, it’s the closest planet to
the Sun. But now and then the Earth, Mercury and the Sun align just
right and you can see Mercury as a bright red dot low on the horizon
just after sunset.

Mercury over the Pinehurst, NC Fair Barn

Tonight, 09-Feb-2013 at 6:36 pm I was at the Pinehurst, NC Harness
Track short track, and took this image of planet Mercury hovering over the Pinehurst Fair
Barn. Mars can be seen faintly just under Mercury.-- Dalton Hammond

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Obama Wants to Be the Next Pope

WASHINGTON, DC - Sources close to the White House have learned
that Barack Obama is planning to run for the office of Pope when the
College of Cardinals convenes to elect a successor to ailing Benedict
XVI at the end of this month.

Calling on the promise of Equality for All, Obama is said to firmly
believe that the time has come for a non-Catholic to occupy the
Vatican's highest office. Foreseeing a looming citizenship issue he
claims to have discovered an Italian birth certificate that proves he
was born in Rome before he was born in Kenya. "That Hawaiian birth
certificate never has been worth what I paid for it anyway", he noted.
Continuing, he concluded, "And there's no way that a handful of
cardinals could be more expensive to buy than 10 million voters in
Michigan."

Further questions should be directed to Obama's Papal Campaign Manager,
Abdul Azeem Khan.