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Hard Love

by uhbeautifuldisaster

This is always hard to admit. You think after so much positive self talk I’d feel more confident, more loving towards myself. Right now, during these circumstances, I’m learning every day about patience. Picture me standing on my left foot and lifting my right leg as high as it could go, straining for elegance. I wobble. I try to balance on the tippy toes of my left foot, pushing my weight and insecurities hard into the floor. I faulter. When I participated in yoga, i strained as far as I could go, determined that I was flexible and strong. What you see is just skin deep. After a few sessions I stopped because my hips kept popping. (My educated guess was that after realigning myself this was the result of suction and fluids.) I stopped my breathing exercizes and drank less and less water. Desperate tears fell down my face while I fed the goats. Goats remind me of Alexander the Great. I wanted to gain an empire and do it big, Queen Elizabeth style. Patience. Don’t sell yourself short just because you can’t bend over backwards like a ballerina just yet. Hard love. Impersonal love. Love yourself, you work so hard to stay clean with no running water. The walls can be dilepated and the bathroom can rot but keep your spirits high, create music and don’t stop learning. Pick up your pencil and books again, and do so daring greatly.

Only you can help keep music close to my life. Make a generous donation, 5, 10, or 20 dollars can lighten up my life so much. Lex, professional model at modeljourney.com , contributed to my campaign and you can too show your support.