"I'm just a simple president. But I happen to believe that evolution doesn't fully explain the mystery of life."George Bush gets it at least half right.

"It's impossible to imitate, as it is a product of random and competing forces of nature." Boris Johnson lauds the barnet that won him the prestigious Brylcreem Best Celebrity Hairstyle prize.

"No effin' and jeffin".

"No pavement pizza". New street signs in Preston designed to encourage civilised public behaviour.

"We're taking bets on who will be the first to ask her to get the teas in." Partners at the Queen's solicitors Farrer & Co mull over the etiquette of dealing with Prince Harry's girlfriend, Chelsy Davy, as their work experience student.

"I'm not flashy. I bought a plane but that was for work."Singer Enrique Iglesias keeps it real.

"I've become a character in a comic. And that character is always drunk."Lily Allen goes through the looking glass. Or falls through a window, pissed.