Solo parenting and urban gardening from a beginner of both

pregnancy test

After losing my father to a 3-year battle with cancer, I began realizing how precious life is and how everyday matters. When he died, I decided that I would begin visiting friends again, catch up with people I hadn’t spoken to in years, and go see places I never saw before. It would start with a race. A couple I am close to and have known since high school suggested the three of us spend some time in Nashville and run a half marathon. We had run before and had plenty of time to train, so I thought it was a great idea.

After a successful run and an almost perfect vacation, we said our goodbyes. I was the last to leave the hotel and had a feeling something was off, so I took a pregnancy test. There was a very light plus sign that appeared, but it was so hard to see that I assumed it was wrong and I had done something wrong. I shrugged it off as nothing and I headed on to Memphis to visit Graceland in honor of my Uncle Tad, who was a lover of Elvis. By the time I reached Memphis, my period was a day late, I had no appetite, and everything around me smelled weird. I tried to ignore this and enjoy my trip, but was already worried. Two days after I was late, I had arrived in Little Rock for the next part of my trip and was staying with Tim, one of my closest friends.

I woke up on my first morning in Little Rock and took the next test. This time, I took a digital test that clearly read “pregnant.” My heart sunk. This could not be happening. This test must be dysfunctional. I recently finished grad school and started a new job. I was going to get settled in there, get married, and THEN have a family. I had only slept with two men in my entire life and the last one was an old friend from high school who was supposed to just be a summer fling. We had chemistry and had a great time together, but we were not serious. I could already hear friends and family saying things like, “How could you be so stupid? What were you thinking?, How could you be so immature?” I didn’t even know where to begin with those questions. I was asking myself the same things. I couldn’t even remember how I got into this mess in the first place. All I could feel was everyone’s surprise and disappointment. How did I let myself get so far from who I am and so far from where I was only a few months before?

I came out of the bathroom and looked at Tim and his roommate who I had never met before, “I’m pregnant!” Tim chuckled, looked at his roommate and said, “This is my friend Bekah.” Not exactly the introduction we had hoped for, but definitely not something we would ever forget. Tim just stood up, hugged me and asked what I needed. Considering the fact that I did not get the same reaction from the father of my child, I now believe God sometimes puts us at the right place with the right people for a reason. With Tim, I feel comfortable, safe, and know I will not be judged. He is more than a friend to me, he is family. At what is probably one of the biggest moments of my life, he made me feel like this was a good thing and that everything would be ok. It is exactly what I needed.

I looked at Tim and told him I needed to be alone and take a shower. Shaking, I climbed into the shower for what I thought would be a nice long cry in a steamy room. After standing there for about 30 seconds, I began laughing uncontrollably. I was hysterical and couldn’t squeeze a tear out if I tried. I just laughed until I couldn’t anymore.

After three more days and 8 more positive tests, I finally began to face the reality that I was pregnant and I would need to tell the baby’s father; A man who suddenly felt like a total stranger.