There it is again
Bubbling up from within
Wretched wrath washing over me
Vile disgusting filth freely flowing
Angry demons seizing control
Forced attrition to evil urges
Screaming
Yelling
Rants of rage
Watched from within
Helpless
Powerless
Unable to soothe the beast
Surrender to aggression
Until the bile is expelled
Vomited forth in fury
Leaving only the bitter tastes
Of regret and sorrow

The doubt and anger are here again
No surprise, my new friend
Believed I could keep it all away
Now it’s about to steal me away
Come steal me away. Again, and again
Why can’t I change the parts I hate? Stupid, lying beautiful face
Hearts are craters, deep as wells
Fill them up and hold on well
Sand and mud, the liquid seeps
Dirty tears and sorrows creep
Creep in to swallow me. Again, and again
Why can’t I change the parts I hate? Stupid, lying beautiful face
Told you, I told you. Remember I did?
This time it was raw, nothing I hid
Unacceptable loathing and regret
Nothing to explain, at least not yet
You will see though. Again, and again
Why can’t I change the parts I hate? Stupid, lying beautiful face
Consuming distraction, love that I know
It’s dying already with no place to go
You won’t agree and you won’t see
It will never be enough for me
You will hate me so. Again, and again
Why can’t I change the parts that I hate? Stupid, lying beautiful face
Let me go, for I am already gone
I’m sorry to make you believe this long
Hopeless rage, directed at you
Walls constructed to block the view
But you will still want me. Again, and again.
I can’t change the parts I hate, and I’ll never be happy again. Again

How far will you fly?
Cross continent? Moonward?
Across the room?
When will you depart?
Through which gate?
Let me fly with you.
You won't even notice me,
On the wing,
Clinging for life (and love).
Why do you flee me,
choosing a destination
from which it will be
impossible
to book a return?

IV
A soul was broken to make room
For dusty halls and labyrinths.
A gossamer, nylon bed-sheet shroud
Enwraps the remnants of that mind.
And no excuses can be made;
This disease does not justify that one.
I do not sleep deeply, I do not wake easily,
I dream of cities built on sand,
Next to the swelling sea.
Oh, they should have lasted.
Why should they fall?
I dream of timber horses,
Brought between those city walls.
We should have known; we should have known better.
III
But, I am not an honest mystic;
Beware what you ask of me.
I will show truths within the liar's tapestry.
But, you will not believe; no, you cannot believe.
II
I howled for my motherland
When the mutiny began.
I heard the cry of treason; heard the cry and ran.
I saw blood be spilled,
Some of it my own, then
Felt the rest boil, that this could happen in my home.
I saw the battle through, until the very end,
Then wished the traitors pardoned,
Because they were my friends.
I
I cannot tell the difference
Between the sleeping and the dead,
So, I will dole out blankets, and keep the kettle on.
The streets are cracked and dirty,
And they all appear the same:
Shattered glass and roofing tacks
Where I place my bare and weary feet.
I don't want to go on.
But, I must rebuild; I must rebuild.
I have no grass to lay,
The trees and flowers will not grow,
So, I shall use nothing, but mortar, brick, and stone.
It's not the same; it is not the same,
But, I shall call it home.

A vignette of domestic violence and the weird rationale of love amidst such
circumstances - adapted from how it was depicted to me by a female friend and
taken from her own personal experience.
I was defined china and porcelain,
Inlaid glass flowers and gently spoken;
Fragile in doe-eyed delicacy,
Pleading and begging not to be broken.
I loved him with total forgiveness,
Did not, could not, would not understand
The dark chaos mood of lability,
The spontaneous violence of his hand.
Blue and black bruises indecorously swelled
Question marks about tear brimmed eyes;
And I wept and despaired in confusion,
Smashed and grabbed by wherefores and whys.
How could he dream to hurt me so,
The brutish malediction of his touch?
How could he stand to hurt me so,
When he knew I loved him so much?
And now the years have drained away
Like sweeping veils of rain;
The agony of our breaking apart
Ever haunts me with anguish and pain.
I still see him some times,
Rarely, truly out of the blue,
On the old territory of familiar streets
When unconsciously passing through.
And always shook by the stalking truth,
A lancing bright-bladed knife,
And with dogmatic aching my heart lets me know
He was always the love of my life.
And I know there's no sense to be had
When I look to the heavens above,
Just the sad and lonely heart of the matter:
You never can choose whom to love.

My Guitar weeps
And not so gently
It strings together broken tears
It has seen my feeble attempts at love
My Guitar laughs
As I try to serenade
A song that lovers play
It strings together broken romances
My guitar sleeps
For I am not doing to well
In charming your heart
My guitar is bored
My guitar kills me
And steals my girl
They were meant to be it seems
They joined chords and sang
The funeral was brief
The music was good
Guitar music after all
Now they travel onwards
Musical journeys
With not a thought of me
With no guitar
As the ghost of me weeps

strange it was there just the other day
hanging about as usual,
reminding me in my mirrored image
of my definite femininity
now gone, am I less of a woman?
will you look at me differently,
or strangely as I do myself?
I never really gave it much thought before
of how things come in pairs
how lonely one would be without the other
how misshaped one appears,
no longer jutting forward,
proclaiming sensuality
thrusting into the limelight,
now scars and a flattened ego,
fill my robe, bras useless without stuffing
men, look at me in horror,
women in shock and pity
and with gratitude, yes that it is not them
my left breast is missing
no not missing, taken, stolen...
it was just a lump a few weeks ago
a tiny pea shaped knob,
that hid its cancerous intentions
so very well, yet lay in silence waiting
to steal away that part of me
that defined who I was
what purpose I served in society
am I still a woman, a sexual being?
I'm not sure, my right breast thinks so
but yearns for its mate,
the image in the mirror just doesn't seem right
unequal in its proportions, glaringly lopsided
my left breast is gone, surgically removed
I can still hear its scream

She walks away.
Girlish and glorious
laughter
floats
through air
like a kite on a string
that pulls
tautly slipping through tightened fingers,
burning a little,
and slicing through
if ever left unattended,
so preciously tensioned
against the cold
benumbing
wind.
Tears begin to flow
but I do not know . . .
my heart?
or the wind?
If my heart, then am I sad
to be here on the ground
or joyful
to be watching the kite
fly?
In answer, a quivering.
A wisp.
"She will not fall or float away while I hold her thus.
She will be beautiful for me."
Wondrous.

When I am Colder,Older and then alone...
I will collect the sky on my own...
When the art has faded and the days then fade-
when everyone has gone away...
I may finally see what never was saw
.....ahhhhhhhhhhhhh............... the quiet sky
The unlit room which bares my end...shows the flashes of my pains my joys and sins.
This life has been a strange one since the curtains were drawn
These paper and plastic figures have clouded the dawn
I was once younger,foolish,and obsessed with truth
Now I am bitter,sour,dour faced with my heart under shoe
The children were all searching or lost in a crowd
All weeds in a garden...growing vile and foul
Though beauty was sold it never came true
Obsessions and vanity have traveled safe through
Materials and poison and everything lost
have been burned in the fires or lost in the frost
I stand face to mirror tearing my being apart
Winding thoughts of love,pain,god,and art
As the sun sets and the darkness grows
I too shall follow this pattern in tow
Death has a friendly hand and a pretty face
She has given me comfort as I leave this place
The wars have occurred,humanity's lost
Souls have been burnt in the fire or lost in the frost
Day was Life,Night is Death
And the latter has given counsel on my final steps

I used to have an open door,
but I can't find it anymore.
Someone closed it from inside,
where all the painful, bad things hide.
And I think I'm in here too,
a child that knows not what to do.
Scared and lonely , so afraid,
peering through a darkened shade,
Seeing my life pass me by,
because I'm too afraid to try,
to find someone who has the key,
that unlocks the door and sets me free.
Is it more than just a game,
to feel something besides the shame?
The child inside me wants to know,
but somehow I just can't let it go.
I used to have an open door,
but I can't find it anymore.

Oh, Poisiden, you disrupt my sea;
Alter not your color for the likes
Of miserable me;
Your mouth foams in revelry
As I gasp desperately for
One remaining breath;
My rosary floats upon your
Fickle friendship of fury,
For your whims leave me
With goose flesh as
The grapevine wraps itself
Around my throat ~
I bear witness to antiquated
Notes which deceive;
The tongue of thy counterpart
Scorches this bosom...
Nevermore do I grieve,
Yet I swim vainly;
The chastity belt on land
It does remain,
Drowned dreams of delusion ~
Un- new;
I lurk within the shadow of
Door number two.

By committing to nothing, one retains infinite options.
I have hid inside these words for moons and seasons and New Year’s toasts.
The lone wolf roams fertile pastures unfettered.
The thrill of the hunt.
The chase.
An empty bed is the hope of a new body’s sleeping curve.
Tomorrow becomes yesterday.
“The mystery of mysteries is the gateway to marvels.”
I stopped looking long ago.
The faces have blurred into a montage of emptiness.
Come and go; came and went.
I never bothered much to be bothered.
There aren’t many memories
And I am thankful for that.
Wet fingers and licked lips’
Blood on my hands.
Wasted time.
The years run on like a favorite sitcom gone bad.
It all should have been retired years ago.
It is easier to stay afloat and roam the big waters alone
Than set up camp on an island and face a face.
No problems.
No worries.
No connection.
Freedom is all that you cannot commit to
And who surrenders to nothing is he who lives in frigid shadows of fear.
Maybe I have never truly known warmth.
I walk the streets like a war-worn shoulder.
A little cold, a little distant, a little too silent.
The words I have are recycled fragments of someone else’s life.
I don’t offer much.
Poker face.
Can you read my concrete stare?
I have an entire universe hiding in my back pocket
But I’m scared to show you.
It’s been so long since I groped or even fondled my own life.
I’m not sure what I do or don’t have to offer.
I just keep making bets and upping the ante.

Opening my eyes at birth,
I cried out in shock and pain.
For I found myself on earth,
where life seemed strange and arcane.
I didn't want to be here,
in a would of hate and scorn.
And with clenched fists and a tear,
loudly protested being born.
I traded warmth of the womb,
for a future with no past.
And my birth will end in doom,
because life's not meant to last.
God must want souls to suffer,
or at least it seems that way.
For life gets even tougher,
and doesn’t ease when I pray.
I search for a glint of hope,
in a world devoid of light.
And though I've learned to cope,
misery’s not far from sight.
One day I will be no more,
I will simply slip away.
And death will slam shut the door,
that opened on my birthday.

Caught up in this circle sphere of integration; I swoon
as the feeling of worthlessness overwhelms me.
Nothing seems to remedy as this depression lulls me
into its claws of wretchedness.
Sweet and salty smiles that slink into your mind
seems to melt the drowning feeling of despondency.
Still there is the burning bubbling vibes of insanity that circumvents any relief.

Lost all alone.
Waiting patiently for companionship.
Reruns of the old.
Savage cruelties unleashed.
Unable to share this.
An undesirable partner.
Giving with nothing recieved.
Demanding any explanation.
Stripped of all dignity.
Left naked and weak.
Deserving of much.
Accredited none.
No experience fair.
Doesn't matter to any.
Unrelenting heartbreak.
Administered by most.
Cared by none.
Forgiveness unaccepted.
Lost all alone.

So stay the gold.
foolish thoughts wasted
apon the old.
Your never alone except day and night.
did we forget the cause.
Or just grow tired of the fight.
Evergreen moments dont exist in books.
Or pictures trapped apon the page.
The wisdom of life is nothing without the rage.
Into a maze we go blind.
Far past the moment.
Nothing is left to remind.
Motions are not feelings.
Along with contracts and lies.
So many loser's with there double dealings.
Taken from the city lights
I lost all that was obscene.
My pasion was turned into my evergreen.
Time you change all but me.
Casting many storms.
That turn so very deep within the sea.
Erased are thoose moments
apon the slate is clean.
I wonder do you ever reflect my sweet evergreen.

A fleeting still small voice tries to warn me
A sudden overwhelming desire to run
The tell tale taste of metallic flakes
Means my nightmare has begun
Everything around takes on a ghostly pallor
A landscape of anguish and corrosion
A moment of silence before the violence
The flash of light, the brilliant explosion
The sound of the Sun fills my ears
Fear, my throat, though none escapes me
And paralyzed I clench my eyes
As my tormentor prepares to rape me
And it's endeavor is absolute
Consumption is its ultimate goal
It exists to chase me so it can erase me
Whilst feasting on my soul
And then that familiar salty smell
The sudden rush of warmth so stings
Engaging me relentlessly
In vile unspeakable things
Over and over and over again
My limbs stretched and wrought
As it's teeth tear my bones bare
It's mind defiles my thoughts
And still wounds beget wounds beget wounds
As in the mouth of madness I suffer
And with every injury he just seems to be
Rougher and rougher and rougher
Then just as suddenly as it began it ceases
And for a moment I am clearer
And then the true horror of it all
Is revealed in a darkly lit mirror
There in front of me stands my destroyer
Face flush with it's fill of my pain
And I find that it's eyes and mine
My God, they’re one in the same

Resounding echoes awaken the child
demons in the attic beckon unto him
stark fear grips his Vick's laden chest
shivers vibrate rusty springs of down
footsteps creak closer upon loose floorboards
while steamed filled pipes play taps
a somber teddybear snarls
causing the world to be still
foolish nuns, God doesn't want to "get me"
the sting of a ruler splinters a left hand
blood spurts upon faces of laughter
evil little boy too wicked for a mother
affliction runs in the family
Florence became flop because she always fell
polio never whipped her ass
just abused her now and then
she healed with a smile
Even humility has its price
Jimmy Dean wore sunglasses
maybe his eyes were bloodshot
or maybe he was a child of an alcoholic
and they became part of his attire
degenerate eye disease, masturbation
spattering or battering
does it really matter when you can't see
or understand the difference between ADD and ADHD
Psych 101: Crack can be Prozac
Iron gates surround a new residence
protecting the innocent who peer from outside
rehabilitation means refining bad habits
like those on the outside who have mastered them
twelve years of bars and games people play
provide an education unto itself
seclusion can be the deciding factor
between murder or suicide
self righteous judges choose life
recidivism is a revolving door
of vicious cycles with no engines
only propellers called co-dependants
or co-defendants, take your pick
life repeats itself over and over
only the circumstances change
yet the merry-go-round stops
when the flowers are arranged
Why are most tombstones gray
scared, afraid to die
are you saved?
from what, ourselves
you can't hurt me
Bob Shank-Nov. 30th, 2006

We swallow boulders:
(lead words, molasses covered prejudice, glass shards of promises long broken)
Mouths open wide and heads tipped back
like Hawaiian fire eaters.
Chipped teeth are bits of porcelain history,
sliding down our throats in rivers of neglect
and acid.
The stones settle,
BOOM...
BOOM...
BOOM...
Our stomachs are filled up, anvil weight
'till we can hardly sit, hardly stand, or walk.
We drag our feet in pain, as the quiet indicator that
we've had rocks for breakfast,
lunch, dinner, for years,
in the hopes that someone will recognize
the broken concrete footprints behind us
and touch us gently on the forearm:
"Honey, are you alright?"
(and isn't it the first sweet trickle of kind words that crumble
the already cracking facade?)
There's no stopping the torrent then,
tsunami tears and a heaving, convulsing
to the point of cathartic vomit-
boulders of every shape and size
tumbling out of our mouths and filling the room;
broken teeth and granite eyes
until we no longer see the floor, the walls...
And then serenity.
The hand has moved to the shoulder,
forming a universal hug.
"I'm here now... and you're ok."
We stand up, together, and leave that room,
a soundless void of yesterday,
to absorb the impermeability of stones,
carrying our gait buoyant, without gravity.
No weight at all now, and barely a second glance,
but to turn out the light - and lock the door behind us...

With shadows in the dark,
Facing atrocities of the cold,
Yet drenched in the sweat,
I walk down the street
Am bound to follow what others passed by,
Crime it is as if else I try,
Tears follow the path of my cheek,
And it’s the only way my eyes speak,
Lips of mine when turn dry.
I smile I really try to,
To be happy as if I was made to,
I speak of something I don’t know
But there’s what my heart knows,
That’s what my eyes ponder,
And that’s what untold but true,
Yes I know,
Yes I do,
I am missing me in me,
Yes I know,
Yes I do,
I am missing being me……….

So, here we are again, my dear
Our wondering hearts are trembling with fear
Of the step we took in the pale moonlight
Now, beholding each other in the bright sunlight.
Remember our plan? We'll take it slow
We'll allow our hearts and love to grow
Without the pressure of passion released
Too soon - but now, where do we go?
Is it time for us now to say good bye -
Do we gather ourselves and give it a try;
Are we done, my love, and now we start
On a future that tears our love apart?
Oh, help me now to understand
How we lost control of our senses and
That now, our passion being fulfilled
We ponder if our love is stilled.
Yes, here we are again, sweet dear,
Two wondering hearts now filled with fear
For the step we took while under the moon
Was it too soon, my love - too soon?
Composed 12/29/2010
Entry in the Hotsy Totsy Contest
Sponsored by: Rachel Firmin

I am whatever you say I am...
but, let's get back to reality...
Three short years ago, this room shined welcome mats across a screen of doldrums.
A place of unfamiliarity that screamed,
"You don't belong!"
Yet, a voice of reason spoke and said,
"Expand yir' roots. Venture beyond the comfort zone. Academia resides inside that room, but know you won't be alone."
Repeatedly,brainwaves declined what my wife and editor had told me.
I'd say,
"no way, I'm givin' up my soul for free, they read, they pay, like it's always been, the way it's going to always be!"
Unbeknownst to me one day, and with a slight of hand, my "Open Sores" were put on display and surprisingly more than a handful of great ladies and nice guys began to give feedback on what I had devised.
This interaction was something very new, helpful, and impressive. For a change, it was something real.
For years, those around me were quick to give praise with hidden reasons. Constructive criticism is amazing, and I welcomed being corrected or set straight.
Now there are those who choose to shut me down without explanation, and call me names.
DO NOT mistake me for sophomoric! These words bleeding from my guts have no style and need no approval. There is no thinking involved here, no plan. If you don't like it, fine...don't censor or bracket me in. So what if I am illiterate? If you don't like "street poetry" or the pathetic stuff I write, don't read it. If I offend you, tell me.
We should welcome those who are different than us.
Words of truth inspire movement, like fire.
I came to this room to expand my horizons, step outside the box, learn, help, grow.
There will be no apologies dealt for being different, or for being labelled as something uncomfortable to you.
This has been an ok room so far, but there is some clique trickanery going on.
If the dictionary must come into play, let me recommend looking up the term "Poetic License."
True, I may not be the writer you prefer, or aspire to be....but tread carefully my friend, for you have no idea of my profession. I've made a fine living, for a good long time, spewing words onto paper. I came from nothing, and may still be nothing to you...still, I do what I love, have no boss.
I am not an aspiring writer who dreams of a life, I live my dream. In conclusion, I must wish you luck in finding what you peddle poetry for. Until then, keep

Page unwritten hand never to be
played.
Outcasts sitting at center stage.
When you never showed love.
It's no need to question why no one ever stayed.
And you never wondred and new better
to ask.
Cause people grew tired of the game.
And you of the mask.
Deep emotin with which like
overgrown children we play.
Gone in a second.
Was it love or just another day.
Torn sails endless flow.
Blocks and miles.citys and backroads.
Like any flock we scatter.
Only to lose track the futher we go.
Dellusion speaks well amongnst friends.
You see it's the last farewell.
But with truth in are thoughts
everyone pretends.
Are you okay everyone does ask.
You give a expected reply.
And slip into oblivian slowley
fading behind your mask.

Poems from old and yellowed
Chinese scrolls make me sad,
make me sad: stored in shiny,
lacquered boxes of perfumed teak,
they crumble when unrolled.
And the hands that must have written
Chinese thoughts upon the rolls:
little, leathern, patient hands,
painting poems -- stroke and stroke
and careful, delicate stroke --
stopping, meanwhile, to twirl
a waxed mustache --
for someone else, a foreigner,
who cannot understand, to read,
mull over, and be sad.
And this when Chinese thoughts
are gone, and tiny, trembling
Chinese hands are dust.

The voices grow louder,
Intensifying with emotion, anger lining every aggressive word.
My insides squeeze tighter as the vitriol poisons my mind,
How does such hostility exist?
As the sound of hatred deepens,
The feelings strengthen their grip, like a vice,
So tight, I can no longer breathe
All the negative emotions I have ever felt, fill me,
Threatening to overflow.
So long have they been banished…
Enough. No more!
My mouth opens,
An earsplitting scream of pain and suffering shatters the silence,
Sobs of sorrow and grief wrack my body,
Murderous shrieks of anger and hate,
Wretched cries of self-pity and self-loathing,
Poison the air.
Now, free of these emotions.
But the monster still exists
Within the dark depths of my mind.

Looking dead at me in this smeared mirror...
a lost man
tormented
face red
brittle
and teared
stacking excuses
the longer I stare
this stress abuses
my conscience with a glare
a guilty reflection warns
my mind is the prison I fear
as I long to escape
from the hell I dwell in
right here
who have I become?
what have I done right?
crossroads appear suddenly
as fog fills the mirror tonight
darkness owning the room,
prefers I suffer slow
so I proceed with speed
because it’s the only way I know
tasteless stories
flood my life’s hard bound chapters
while this smeared mirror reflects tears
dripping from a face
which was once filled with laughter.

Saint Blackheart walks the Autumn streets and smiles with diamond eyes;
She's well-aware of what you think, but listens to your lies.
Confess your deepest fantasies or never look her way --
She's free with random kindness, though she won't have much to say.
Saint Blackheart seeks the shadows for the secrets they impart.
Her life's a patchwork puzzle made with jagged shards of art --
Impressionistic paintings on a canvas dipped in red;
She dances like a demon for the angels in her head.
Saint Blackheart loves the twilight and the elemental rain;
She'll stand and watch you suffer, yet she senses all your pain.
A soft, Franciscan echo making up a primal scream
Can hurtle from her crimson lips and dart from dream to dream.
Saint Blackheart lives in solitude among the ancient trees --
You'll find her there within the mist, but never on her knees.
Her hands will offer nothing which is not her own to give;
And though you wish to die in peace, she may just let you live.
Saint Blackheart will not weep with you or wipe away your tears,
Yet she may catch their crystal hue and treasure it for years.
She'll lay a little flower on a long-forgotten grave --
A tribute to the tortured soul she never tried to save.

Clumsy days and hazy nights
Haunting and bring me tears
I should stop perturbing
Whilst my heart still whipping
Wrath of nature is just reflection
Of my fragments that created imprints
Within my being that stands steadfast
Even in the darkest days of my existence.

I stare in the mirror, my tears fall in vain
Can’t see my reflection through the veil of this pain.
Who is this person I struggle to see?
I don’t want to judge her but it’s surely not me.
This stranger I cast looks so tired and weak,
I wish I could help her but I’m frightened to speak.
Cause it’s dark and lonely in this shell where I’m bound
Where once there was laughter, is now void of sound.
and the beauty I knew in just yesterday’s time,
seems gone in an an instant with life’s rythym and rhyme…..
Then GOD he spoke child…What do you mean?
You’re more beautiful than anything that I’ve ever seen!
The reflection you cast it don’t matter to me,
What matters is that you can see what I see.
That your spirit is filled with a breath that is true.
And a beauty so deep that this world can’t undo.
I know that your journey seems to heavy to bear.
But I’ve given you family that love and who care.
So hold on tight through the dips and the turns,
For the ones who believe are the precious who learns.
And wether your journey is to stay here or go,
Please know I love you so much more than you know.
I wish I could tell you the beauty that awaits…
But you will know only, when you see heavens gates.

Am I man or ghost?
Am I mortal or apparition?
Questions or choices
or entwined reality?
For a state of confusion
sleeps within my fiber, and
slowly rips asunder, the final
sliver of my contemporary humanity,
Sunrises and sunsets go unseen,
as I fully embrace my departure
from time, human contact, and connection,
with a creative conviction and devotion
to my only passion as an excuse, a deceitful
reason to shelter myself from the tender
moments that keep emotions empowered
and empathy evolved,
Yet truth is untied by introspection,
and as I analyze, I accept reality,
Seclusion has become to me, the
fruit that protects the emotional
body but imprisons the loving mind,
and by this bittersweet conundrum,
I am bound and devoted to this ambivalence,
by the mere comfort and promise of
being content,
And by such a promise, I have
personified my fear of emotional
agony, yet tamed its risk with the
fierce whip of isolation, thus the shame
and allure become as one, And as I
lose who I was, and tolerate who I am,
my disconnection from humanity
hurts those who care, yet keeps me
safe, with ink as my final outlet,
Still, as I sacrifice need for need,
I am not the one who still suffers,
Those with hearts that beat for me,
have become victims of my seclusion,
and I ache for them, but less and less
with each breath, For my isolation
continues to force its fee, and I notice
only after it is taken, and as I see their pain,
Only my thoughts are heard, my wishes
important, and my contentment decreed,
And despite visions of tears and sorrow
that were once my salvation, Now, I
only look away, and remain a willing
prisoner in the sweet self shelter, of
the nothingness I show, and will one day
feel, without rue...

Futility
my heart breathes its last breath
Embraces its own death
Ready to be reborn
and made anew
Can’t live a lie
Refuse to “do”
and I’ll DIE....
Focus now on why I’ll live
And never touch the sky.
I have to forget you
I have to reject you
But I will never love anyone
like I loved you.....
I heard you whisper
and you never knew it
I wiped the tears from your eyes
But you couldn’t feel it
You’re lost and you’ll never find you
And neither will I
And I’m so sorry--
but I’m NOT.
I'll attempt to reset
Try to forget
But you know, I never will.
Be my dirty little secret
My very worst-kept secret
Sweet, smooth, beautiful poison
My infernal and endless attraction
towards complete and utter self-destruction
I fell in love with the devil
And it will take one heck of an angel
To save me from the likes of you....
My addiction
my confusion
my nightmare
my dream never to come true
Oh, I’ll never forget the times
we never shared
I’ll never forget
how you were never there
Always me, the stars, and tears
And I ask you,
what kind of life is THAT?
I have to face the facts
I don’t know what happens now
but it happens without you.
The stains will always be there
the scars will never fade
But the memory of you----
it HAS to.
I could carry the torch forever
But it would only consume me
I can’t cry another tear for you
Or I’ll dry up completely
It doesn’t affect you
and you never deserved me
You’ll go on with your life, too
All, all alone
Because you’ll only ever be in love
with you.

I slept
full of hope and dreams
I awoke
empty and forgotten
Careless as I was back then
Morning sounds
swirling in my ears
Pointless thoughts
filling my head
"She can."
but will she ever again
"She is."
though no longer for me
I stood
alone and stiff
I walked
slow and without purpose
Careless as I was back then
The smell of spring
mingled with sunshine
as the touch of day
warmed me no more
"I was."
but I threw it all away
"I did."
though I do not know why
I hoped
for a day without me
I cried
where no one could see
Careless as I was back then
Was this longing
joyless and caretaking
awaiting its chance
to bring me home again
Or was I lost
forever here like a wounded angel
Despaired and angry
the evening came again
Without warning
Without love
Without consumption
Without her
"In her arms,"
I wondered as the sun slipped away
"would I feel whole again?"
my hurt had wasted another day
I laid down
empty and forgotten
I slept
full of hope and dreams
Careless as I was back then

I walk a mile to see the self in me that I believe to be,
I knew the road I choose to lay my head to sleep is called my home,
times in need I could barely see that in myself I will set free,
the act that held me down, something about me I could not see,
I lived a life when I decide that day I said that I don't care,
so young, so bright, I dim my light, traumatized for me to share,
love me please regardless of what you heard and what you have seen,
friends say that I'm only human, yes you're right, a human but who am I being?
My life will move in the direction I choose,
this I know I have always been taught
that I choose to be a winner or lose,
its entirely up to me its all in my thoughts.
Ken Fepulea'i

In life to get by, I really do try, very hard to live by,
the old fashioned ways, of how my daddy lived his days,
He often told me not to lie, and when he caught me, it made me cry,
and I still remember him say, son you'll be ok, tomorrow's another day,
Then daddy told me about the war, the first time he wrecked a car,
and of how it made him cry, when some of his friends died,
Then we looked up in the sky, and the whole world felt like ours,
staring high up in the sky, I just wished that we could fly,
Being young, I asked dad...why?...why do people have to die?
Then I heard him sigh....and say....my oh my oh my,
and he looked me in the eye,
as I yearned for his reply:
Son, people are dying without....and dying within,
with no way out.....hunger starves a friend...
Death is much about, bloody wars that never end...
The whole world, no doubt, suffers from serious sin,
Then we looked high up in the sky, suddenly a shooting star went by,
and the whole world felt like ours, as daddy told me about the stars,
Then I listened to him say, son...tomorrow and everyday...
let nothing stand in your way, and you'll succeed in life....OK.

We knew love together hand in hand.
Memories are still living.
With are walks upon the sand.
Seashells in a old wooden box.
The oceans spray.
A vanishing form down by the old
docks.
A bottle without a message
comes in with the tide.
Try as I must this pain
I cannot hide.
That old lighthouse stands as
strong as should I.
The tide changes yet never does die.

My eyes grow heavy,
Yet I can't sleep,
My soul feels weighted,
But I can't weep
I dream on
Without the hope I need
I need to talk
Yet my tongue's not freed
I clutch my pillow,
I cling to the thought
Of how we met,
And why we fought
It all seems so silly now,
And I wonder why
We could let this stand
And let love die
Pure "saving face"
Holds me back,
Especially since
Your verbal attack
Being a person,
No easy thing,
You've left your nest
And the protection of
Your mother's wing
Should i call?
Or hold out?
Be the weak one?
Or stand and shout?
Oh, Lord, please guide me
Let me know
The way to be...
I roll over in bed again,
And turn on the light,
But light doesn't help.
I have no sight...
Indecision means inaction
I start to groan,
To lose your love,
A fear greatly grown
Turn off the light,
Again to bed
In many ways,
Wishing I was dead.

Where does my conscious go, when demons raise their fiery eyes,
They steal my very soul, killing all which is sanctified,
Engulfed by instant fears, no longer hearing loved ones cries,
The beast within appears, telling me I am justified,
I have already lost, no reprieve from my mortal sin,
All reason now is blocked, as I become the beast within,
No pity can I feel, as I make my grandiose stand,
Yes the horror is real, as I destroy all that I can,
Where do my feelings go, when demons raise their snarling lips,
Bringing an all new low, into my life now torn to bits,
Certain of being right, I flail and thrash as if in fits,
I threaten and I strike, with great fury the demon spits,
Yet I still stand and shout, my ugly hate and derision,
Accusing lies said out loud, revolting words - degradation,
Just look at what I’ve done, I scream my blatant confession,
Ready to blame anyone, for my evil molestation,
Where does my true love go, when demons raise their gruesome head,
Destroying all I know, without slightest hesitation,
There is no where to hide, hideous deeds - infinite dread,
Shame crushes senseless pride, nothing left but devastation,
Recoiling in horror, reality enters the room,
Now begins the torture, judgment of my now mortal soul,
The evil that is me, my conscious has become my tomb,
I look and all I see, marks my spirit and takes its toll,
Where does salvation go, when demons raise their awful screech,
Making damnation grow, as dark shadows envelope me,
How can I persevere, and escape from this demon’s reach,
For he is always near, and may kill eventually,
Cold and chilling insight, I now realize what is at stake,
And the one path which might, protect the ones I truly love,
But how can I just leave, this world I worked so hard to make,
And cause even more grief, for family and God above.
Where does my resolve go, when demons raise their deadly claws,
Tearing at all I know, stealing my conscious care and pride,
I can’t run anymore, all is destroyed everything lost,
Now beaten tired and sore, I’ve lost my path into the light,
Who can I reach out to, when all I love recoil in fear,
Eyes beseech black and blue, where once was love - now only hate,
Yes I know - I’m the cause, the reason for each falling tear,
And while demons give pause, I must face my terrible fate.

Bleeding around me are empty faces
Sad, drooping spaces, crumpled places
Melancholy for the light of new places
Stuck in time, frozen in time
The pangs of lonesome fill their sagging hearts
Frowning forever, frowning forever
Let me stare blankly at the stained wall
Nothing at all…nothing at all
The mind is a scary place
The mind is a distraction
From the reality ever binding
Curbing every reaction
The mind is overwhelming
The mind is oh so sad
When we turn to larvae and graves
It’s an never-ending...
Entwinement
Found myself looking through the tiny hole in the wall
Watching you fall, watching you fall
Scared for the neck that would break us all
You shuddered my blood…shuddered my blood
I met the eyes of the souls of your feet
Twitching and swinging…unfeeling…unfeeling
Please allow me this sole ease:
Just be with me... lie with me
The mind is a scary place
The mind is a distraction
From the reality ever binding
Curbing every reaction
The mind is overwhelming
The mind is oh so sad
When we turn to larvae and graves
It’s an everlasting...
Entwinement
-inspired by Mad World by Gary Jules-
-also inspired by the stop motion film: The Man in the Lower-Left hand Corner of the Photograph-

In my heart there’s no longer
loneliness from longing for love.
Finally found someone to love,
but he is my silent sorrow manifest.
In my chest there’s still even now
a prolonging lonesomeness.
Finally found somewhere to live,
but it is my isolating incubation erect.
In my head there’s still me, myself,
and I comforting my lonely heart.
Finally found someway to befriend,
but they are my persona’s karma manifest.
In my soul there’s no longer
loneliness from longing for love.
Finally found some truth of whom I am,
but my heart’s still filled with loneliness.

To be cast into the abyss
With-out so much
As a Spirit attached
------
Is an Obituary
GF
*When you are cast into the abyss, with-out a Spirit OR Soul being attached,
That mean's that you are already dead! The next step called for is to "the Obituary".
******* Follow me on facebook@mediancircle131********

I needed some time, some space to think
And it was either take a walk or drink
And since I knew drinking would solve nothing
I put on my shoes and I started walking
The wind blew the chilly air
Through my unkempt locks of hair,
But I hardly felt the biting cold,
Walking with memories warm in my soul
The street was dark, cold and silent
It was funny the places where my mind went
While I slowly walked across the blacktop road
No destination in mind where I would go
It's funny the things you will remember
I recall a day in mid-December
And how suddenly, nothing seemed the same
After that man at the door called my name
I followed him into a secluded office
Where he would tell me his diagnosis
And suddenly I felt my beating heart
But the rest of the world had just stopped
I felt a hand in mine get tighter
I don't think the room could have been quieter
I shook my head in total disbelief
Too numb to feel anything, even grief
The question asked, "What does this mean?"
But the answer didn't mean anything
My head too fuzzy, my thoughts too jumbled
I turned to my love to speak, but mumbled
I don't remember what else he said
Because of the swirling thoughts in my head
It took three days before I could even think
Which led me to tonight: walk or drink
So I walked and I thought and I truly remembered
Dreams of the past, love treasured forever
Friendship and laughter, sorrow and pain
As though I was reliving my life over again
Little things that I'd sorely taken for granted
Things that didn't happen the way that I planned it
Promises made and ones that were broken
Love that was shared, love still unspoken
The frosty air filled me with a sense of renewal
Inside my soul was fighting a duel
The angel, the devil, both battling demons
Inside of myself I fought to redeem them
I don't know who won the ethereal battle
And I'm not sure right now it even matters
Where once I believed everything for a reason
I'm finding that harder and harder to believe in

Tonight I thought I shook off a roach. Swore I felt it approach. Imagined it crawling down
my throat. My Dad came out from the den and asked What’s Wrong? I said, Nothing, I’m fine
when I still felt bits of dead roach nesting in my spine. That’s Divine.
I feel the Holy Spirit in me tonight. Jesus Christ! I must have done right! Don’t come
near me, I’m contaminated, clearly. Oh, God, need me! So that the sky doesn’t turn black
every time I look up to seek your advice. My chips are stacked, I’ve got them wracked.
Roll the dice six six six every time. On my Dime. I think I may have crossed the line.
Maybe I’m sick. Maybe I’m not hip to this.
Maybe I just need to settle down. Take a breath. Take a pill. Sit real still. Stare until
I become comatose blare my music so loud that my eyes become brazen and I can’t hear what
you’re saying.
Do roaches bite? I wonder at night. As I hide beneath the covers that used to shield us
from one another. Protect us from the evils in this world, bring no harm to little girls.
Now they just cover up old condoms and dirty food crumbs.
Numb. Numb. Numb. Can’t move. Limbs feel numb, limbs feel wrung, limbs feel slung,
stammering and slurring like grandma after her stroke.
This is a joke. The world’s a joke. We’re a joke.
Then why aren’t we laughing? Why aren’t we guffawing until our paws fall off, our mittens
become smitten and we cough up our dirty lungs with joy.
Oh boy, here I go again. If this is a joke why aren’t we laughing? Why aren’t we guffawing
until our paws fall off, our mittens become smitten and we cough up our dirty lungs with joy.

Plagued with an unimaginable measure of beauty
She sits somewhere between the Indian and the Atlantic
Her history boasts of nothing but debauched slavery
Having served leaders who were very autocratic
She boasts of a vast expanse of unexploited vegetation
An even greater magnitude of untapped mineral resources
Yet her people reside in abject deprivation
As they look beyond their motherland to external sources
Famine, drought and diseases are her nemesis
Her leaders never seem to be sensitive to her plight
Amassing wealth for themselves and families
Ignoring the very reason for their current might
Oh Africa my motherland
Bursting with glory and heavenly blessings
May the good Lord stretch forth His hand
To bless thee with leaders worthy of your consecrations

I have fought you in tears for years,
useless in our abuse, an excuse for entertainment
at the merriment of no one save we two
and we knew the outcome, always the same
the shame in the unfought defeat, fresh meat
for the masses to feed on and laugh at on our behalf.
And at morning’s light, the same fight of we two,
me and you going round and round in a cage,
our own stage of self-destruction, and an eruption
of no one clapping in amusement, a bemusement
and a confusing silence as I realize that the whip
that’s hurting me is the very same one held by me.

I turned around
in the rain
misty haloed street lamps
shadowed you
drizzled
I turned around
in my sadness
to see moments of we
fog smoggy
not in truth I don’t think
I turned around
in your leaving
clarity spilling from eyelashes
wondering
if you were simply a
state of mind

Contaminated—
By everyone I’ve
ever touched.
Diseased—
By every heart
I’ve ever clutched.
Tainted—
This vessel has
begun to decay.
Soiled—
Excessive damage
I portray.
Inane—
Manic and
ready to bust.
Crazy—
No one left
for me to trust.
Dirty—
My mind and
soul combined.
Infected—
Diseased and
left behind.

I once heard a saying,
that the happiest people are the saddest
Shining because they’ve seen the darkest
Like the lotus that grows out of mud
Or the rotting stump that bears a bud..
You never know what troubles the mind
So be careful with words unkind
The glowing person just beside you
Could be a crumbling ruin behind the hairdo
Most people struggle everyday
Souls burdened with decay..
I guess it takes a lot of courage
To act normal with that damage
Hard to believe that under the surface
Lives a soul with no purpose
A cry for help won’t be any crisper
Listen to the their inner whisper..

Here’s what I’m thinking now
at the end of the world:
There are no atheists in foxholes—
no theists in politics.
If knowledge is power,
and power corrupts,
then why did I bother reading you, Cicero?
Does it matter that I didn't’t love you?
Would it have mattered if I did?
There’s a poetry reading tonight
whence I’I'll chide other poets
who don’t sit alone.
I won’t bring up death
but I might have to breathe,
even into a mike
and mouth lines to get a snap or a boo
maybe even a wince or two.
Just maybe I’I'll talk about love
and how following your heart is like following a dog—
it only leads to vittles and (female dogs).
But how many times have I used that line
since the story I wrote about you,
a witty and sexy and fictional you?
Most likely I’I'll read something tonight about you.
I won’t recite it from memory
because I don’t think about you that much anymore,
not even when I search for my socks in your drawer
or when I put on the scratchy sweaters you give me,
horizontally striped to bring out my eyes?
I don’t remember your eyes
except they are blue.
And I don’t remember you,
not even when I smell cucumber and apple,
not even when I sleep on my side of the bed
or when you walk through the door
happy to see me;
even then I don’t remember you.
Does it matter that I don’t love you?
Would it have mattered if I did?
How about a few one-liners
for the end of days?—
Depression is self-awareness,
which you’d know if you were;
I need Ritalin to listen to you,
Lithium to hug you,
Viagra to feel you,
and Valium to sleep.
All you need
is me standing there, waiting at home
with turns of phrase and word plays
telling you about why I hate Ayn Rand
but want to buy as much as I can
and how I love celebrity gossip
and detest poetry slams
and find rhyming trite
except when I am.
Hypocrites can still be right,
which you do understand
because you nod at my nonsense
about fighting the man.
But now, at the end of all things—
I’m speechless and witless and pointlessly well-read,
and you’re just sitting there, smiling
asking me to pass the bread.

She's sliding and if you look past, if you watch her.....
maybe you'll capture a glance of her yesterday.....
“Sunrise only falls when you don't believe tomorrow exists,” I explained, in my most
patient tone.
She bit her lip and shook her head, she followed me into my room and shut the door, she
locked us in, for an hour it seemed, and whispered in my ear....
“I can write pain better than anyone,” she informed me, “I'm brilliant at tears.”
And with this she tore pages out of my beloved sketch book, the one that no one is allowed
to touch, and just when my jaw fell with the shock of her brazenness, I shut my mouth as I
watched her pen turn letters into sobs....
I followed the words as they ran down, as ink turned into pretty swirls that screamed art
and I told her...
“Your angst belongs in a museum.”
I had never seen her smile before, I had never heard her grin, but her lips parted at that
moment as a single curl dropped down her previously wrinkled forehead and I saw the beauty
in eyes that cry and knew that she had realized I accepted it.
“Oh, but who would pay to hear me scream?” she asked, almost joking, as she crossed her
legs and sat forward a bit, as her teeth tugged on her bottom lip, as she looked more her
age and resembled a child instead of me....
“I would,” I replied, as I pushed back her hair and kissed her on the nose, “I would, if I
didn't hear you in my dreams almost every night.”

I'm Agonizing every Word that my mind Creates
You've done this all to me
release your wrath to Me
You wonder How much a Human Heart can take
I've reached the limit
You've invaded me on every level
none of this is Mine anymore
I can't bleed enough for You
We're through
This, This Torture
Homicidal With You
Suicidal Without You
Feel Free to abuse
If it's you I won't lose
The Winds push away
The Vines pull forth
I'm at a lose on what to do
So very lost and Confused
Don't say we're through
Homicidal With You
Suicidal Without You
I Hate you
...Don't leave me
I push you so far away
But need you so close
I'm on the edge
you're all I really need
I'll do anything
Just don't Abandoned me
leaving has it's toll
Homicidal With You
Suicidal Without You

I woke up this morning
and found my face was not my own
that person in the mirror
wasn't the girl I'd come to know.
I wore a stranger’s face
and had to turn my eyes away
need to put on that makeup now
so no one else would know today.
I picked up the lipstick,
paint on a perfect smile
pull on mascara and eye liner
hide the tear tracks now, they've been a while.
Powder the face, hide the pale color
and those dark circles under her eyes
eye shadow up above to
where the bruises might show through.
Make sure the smile painted
hides the blood upon the lips
where you kept on accepting
the lies and their biting kiss.
Face her again
she smiles in her knowing
all those secrets you may hide
she is gladly showing.

In response
To your worried heart
Mind, mouth and stomach
Your busy thoughts
In response to your
Shaking hands and ill head
Your rightfully placed overreactions
You're right in placing them…pacing then
In response to your love for me
Well I cannot ignore it
So I blush and beg for it
Secretly…of course
You are my everything and I will do anything
To hush your fears

Complete darkness
No sound at all
This is where you live
No one to talk to
The blackness, engulfing
Smothering the air out of you
In this vast void with lack of light
You are forced to believe
That you see a speck
A tiny green light
Way off in the distance
This blot of light brings so much hope
So many desires
You can hardly breath
Suddenly the light grows larger
You feel elated
Then FLASH
Complete darkness
No sound at all
Things are back
To the way they will always be

it began so innocently
we exchanged ideas on poetry
his art, the suffering he endured
he preyed upon my compassion
as he meticulously bided his time...
i felt safe as we expressed
our mutual love of words
i was excited, i was learning,
unbeknowst to me, i was his prey..
many months and thousands of hours,
talking, reaffirmed my trust; faith in him
he shared his life, triumps & tragedies
i supported all he desired for himself..
i understood, i felt his pain,
his drive i admired, he overcame tremedous odds,
became a doctor so others would not suffer as he had;
he baited me; the innocent and naieve one.
living life with no regret,
i chose to take a leap of faith,
he guided me, alleviated my fears,
of promises to cherish and adore me..
as a tiger waits patiently to pounce on his prey
i was oblivious to his hatred inside,
he was a master of manipulation
his mission - to destroy me..
i felt he was worth giving
up all i knew to build a life
he so lovingly described to me,
little did i know, his words - poison..
america bound i left everything i knew; i loved.
the terror of his drunken rages, his icy silence,
the cruelty of his words stung like red hot coals.
what he admired most about me,intensified his hatred.
the vacancy in his eyes was terrifying,
i was alone in a strange country,
knowing no one, in a house, not a home,
full of tension, rage, abuse; numb and in shock;
this was my reality..
with each painstaking day of living in terror
dreading his arrival, my fear reached new heights;
i had enough; i was leaving.
his rage increased, his words pure venom..
i was numb, shaking, fear drove me to action
he became desperate, i did not sleep
for fear of never waking, his actions so terrifying
i felt a strength within, empowering me..
planning my escape, fear became my ally,
i reached the airport and did not stop shaking
until safely on the plane, doors shut,
moving down the runway to take-off;
i wept, i crumbled, i collapsed.
jubilantly at home, i felt peace, safe,
and soaked in the beauty of my freedom; my home.
it has been six weeks; i have flashbacks,
terror still haunts me; i am determined
to not let another change me.
i am healing and am grateful for every
moment i smile, smell a flower, witness
the marvel of each sunrise and sunset.
i am a blessed girl.
~this was me~

First date
I spent the evening
wishing you would make the first move.
I marked your song
but listened from a safe distance.
The gap between us elongated
like an escalator
laying down its treads
with the handrail busy, trying playing catch–up.
Over dinner the distance between us grew wider.
But we carried on as if we were governed by some unwritten rule.
But like a fool, I held back
least the evening might finish too soon.
I surveyed your face for that give away glance.
Waited patiently for that inner dance.
Hoping that it would surface.
But your light remained red
even though I was on amber.
So I stayed, quiet, still.
Smiling, nodding and agreeing.
Mirroring your every gesture.
Matching your every move.
I searched inwardly for a hint of salvation.
I searched outwardly for some possible intension.
I was hurting like a defeated soldier.
I want to know you before you get older.
I spent an evening
wishing I had made the first move.
I marked your song
but foolishly maintained a distance.

Cold so cold
the night
and the sea
so black
and floating things
brush my legs
toes numb and buried between
farewell and forever gone.
You never did finish it
after all
half notes hang in the frost
of November
waiting ...
sink me in a moment’s sunlight
reflected in tears
fallen from green eyes much like
your own.
x

Does everybody feel the same as I do?
Lost? Adrift? Disconnected? Confused?
Does anyone know how to ease the hurt of truth
For the accuser, as well as the accused?
I've heard there's bliss
Found somewhere in ignorance
For those who have been stripped
Of their already fleeting innocence
So I continue to move through this life
Practiced smile, that doesn't quite reach my eyes
Which instead reflect the emptiness
That fills me up inside
It hurts to feel so alone and uncertain
Consumed by doubt and fear
Eventually life becomes a burden
Damaged beyond all repair
The temptation to numb all sensation
It more powerful than one might believe
I'll sacrifice the pleasure, to relieve the devastation
As passion gives way to apathy
Say whatever you want
About those who dwell on the past
Go ahead and judge me from your moral soapbox
While you cower behind your mask
The opinions of most matter very little to me
It won't be taken to heart as you intend it to be
First you'd have to practice the words you preach
If you ever do then I promise I'll start listening

I don't have filled spaces.
Nonexisting time lies to me,
making me feel as if I were not empty.
Space remains painfully unoccupied in me.
There is no prince
no poetry or sigh
that a sigh without cause is consequence of passion.
There is no romance or excitement.
Word or song.
Meaning or ignorance.
I don't have time, it's true,
for I am filled with the strange intensity of freedom and youth.
However, all the space of my soul I keep
like a ballroom with no ball.
. . . If someone shouted in me . . .
it would echo.
Patricia Evans

The things that we value are lost in time
and only preserved in one's memory.
It's useless to try to capture in rhyme
as all else is changing ceremony.
I remember what it once meant to meet
or welcome a loved one at the airport.
Time spent waiting for a daughter was sweet.
Moments of recognition at the port
door was worth all the traffic to get there.
In this world terror and security
are acceptable so we must beware
and lose all the small forms of dignity
we valued a moment ago. Truth is
not war's casualty, humanity is.

Part 1
Onion
the delicacy of friendship
I found you in the flowers
Standing tall we become one
Looking down from gangly towers
Squash, you burn, you pillage, son.
Follow me you say in tongues
Thy shallow mind reveal me tell
Whisper lies clean load the guns
I feel the burn I rot in hell
Friend folly menacing the liar
I loathe this coffin how it leaks
Dear foe you raped me set on fire
The onion peal itself and weeps
Part 2
Traitor
dear monkey boy
Older eyes eat themselves,
glance and kill the other
Unified in the dance,
they steer the musty rudder.
Pained and sweeter deeper wells,
poised buckets drunk with water.
Singled out the one that dried,
handed weights to pull him under.
Wiser times capture the mind,
death justifies dishonor.
Knife slice neat through the devil's back,
who stares blank and milks the udder.
Part 3
Tempest
patron saint
Inside this box
Goodbye tempestuous fall
My puppet of steel coiled thread
Smashed buttons and twisted dread,
Alarm these doors, and
Escape this delusive bunker bed
Stamp the spiders
Thief, vulture of the deflection
The mocking patron of the sinners
Erase this affliction
Relating inward at the reflection
Rise you fool
Part 4
Phoenix
i love you
close the grip
cinched hematic grip
drenched, clawing
seeking the sheave
becoming the counterweight
i absorb, now
extracting the heat
rise like a phoenix
away to be gone to be free
fix me! i have fixed me
i am alive and i love you
Part 5
Aye, Damager
Abolish her state of disrepair
Scattered, spattered drippy thoughts
All around this box of soused leaves
Soak, ferment in the faith of our love
I can't fix this, you know
I loathe this misunderstanding
Of what I am speaking, projecting
To me, Aye Damager, to you
This devil in me
turned and twisted
A wrecked elevator in rejection
Years locked painfully aware
...

Oh to be just a friend
To laugh, joke and play with you
Is not something
I know how to do
Oh how I wish it were
For it’d sure eliminate
All this pain I feel
Sometimes it happens
That starting off fun
Turns into something real
And what was meant to make you laugh
Turns into tears
That seem to take
Life’s breath away
Leaving you to feel
Like there’s so much left to say
If only this, if only that
If I only could, if you only would
So many tricks of the mind
As we try to find
Justification for holding on
To what should be freed
So we can move on
Yet we hold out hope
In each accidental hello
That tides will turn
Though they have long washed away
It’s just the way of life
And how love burns
Until we learn
The difference in what we feel
And that which is real

Silence is golden they always say,
But I wish you'd talk to me anyway.
Do you somehow blame me for what was done?
Is that why between us there's no more fun?
One cannot always predict what for them must be,
But should you remain aware most things you can see.
We can rebuild this bridge or just leave it alone,
I'll leave it up to you to set the tone.
For this situation I don't know what else to do,
For peace and harmony between us to ensue.
The next move here is yours alone to make,
Our friendship to uphold and keep or for it to forsake!

Huddled, hands entwined as one,
the thoughts, the dread
felt like a terrifying storm,
its destruction powerfully felt.
As the tear flowed freely
and anxieties grew,
they clung tighter, closer;
though they already knew.
The room though non-sterile
reeked an aura of death,
for in this solemn room;
their worst fears were met.
As the doctor walked in
eyes stoic, stature tall,
he uttered the words;
your baby is gone.
She fought with the spirit
of one wise beyond her years,
you may be with your baby;
her sweet soul is now free.
Huddled, hands entwined as one,
they wept together, what was left to say.
The drunk driver who killed their baby
in this karmic world;
would pay; would pay.

there is an intense
ageless quality to an
autumnal day in October
that embraces the past, and all
its wistful tenderness
the present and its disturbing sameness
and the future, with its unknown quantity
of joy and sadness

take this blade
and cut your wrists
make escape holes for the devil
let him leave you
through the bleeding
make the world then somewhat level
it's a sacrifice
most unholy
but for the good of all mankind
so take thy soul
unto the slaughter
and you'll find i'm right in time
sure i'm just
your shoulder demon
and yes i've fallen from what's divine
but no lives
will get saved this evening
'less you're willing to cross the line

It's been a lifetime since I heard your voice
Most times I can't recall
Your Laughter and whispers became foreign to me
Behind my memories walls
Too numerous nights when your face haunts my sleep
That I struggle to hold to the last
Fighting to save what my minds eye has seen
A myriad of years in the past
Was it so long ago that you passed from our lives?
Laid down for your final sleep
It feels so close although far from my grasp
You have been the one treasure I keep
I've searched out your life and the people you've touched
The legacy you built over time
Trying to resurrect you in some practical ways
Weaving their memories with mine
For twenty five years I've stared at your picture
Recounting each day remaking each choice
If I search deep enough in those eyes long extinguished
It nearly whispers a trace of your voice

1.
My grapefruit tanned
toothpicks
bow above
the five-day flattened
spot
in an olive shag carpet
tracing grandpa Leo's
blueprint,
with one encapsulated
toe –
this is the femur, this is
the head,
this is the fist, the ring
finger, the soul.
I search for any blunt
white quivering slivers
of Caroline's purported
fly fetuses.
2.
Huddling behind the
corpse
of an old hospital bed,
a framed photo
smoke browned and
wearing my toddler face,
watches
his children choke
hushed, broken
sentences
this will be yours, my
plate, separate the
holiday china…
an enigmatic language
that hovers in
smoke stretched rings
to wilt
upon the hallway
bulb.
3.
I am left
the ceramic cygnet,
and an ivory carved
dromedary.
These artifacts
plucked
from his porcelain
menagerie
that I decipher
through dust fingerprints
for
one small inheritance of
a memory.
4.
Tomorrow,
Aunt Rose
puts price
to his bibelots,
the olive shag carpet,
even cousin Amy's
plastic horse,
who was accidentally
left to pasture on an
afghan.
A silver plated glass cage
image of her past,
she says she will whittle
all of him,
from the
wooden
house
bones.

Knowing me now, I take the central target
No matter what it seems that I am lost
I throw away what could maybe save me
I break apart when I need to stand
If I am so much to me, why must I fall down?
To over-think what comes, I’m full of lies
But this self aggression is what I was raised on
Without depression I feel that I’d be gone
With hopes of grandeur and a hope obsession
With lies built up as though there’s no such thing
With hate affliction and a love addiction
I’d be dead before I’d even smiled
Knowing you now and my eyes wide open
I am the phoenix and I’ll take you down
For within this anger lies a desperate child
No matter what he knows he can’t be saved
Despair is over and his dreams forsaken
The ashes rise now and the blame’s on you
When I wake without the mask of laughter
I will scream and I will burn you down
My judge will die now and all words forgotten
I am fire in its purity
Even if you see me I’ll tear your eyes up
Burn you out with no sincerity
I’ll reach your mind and I’ll make it blind now
I’ll find a way to make you hate yourself
I am all of you and more
I’ve seen through everything before
What you feel will gather in me
And with this I will bring you down
I am fear and I am the helpless
If I live, my goals are far too dark
With self destruction and a fading mask now
Give me ears and I will avenge
The self conflictions that avert my eyes here
They’re too far gone now to ever stop
So give me anger and I know I’ll smile
Feed the phoenix and you will get burnt

Is your soul blood red
A dowry of bitter wine
Spilling mortality
Staining the divine
Is eternity a prison
The rusty knife of time
Carving your senses
Caging your mind
Is flesh a pardon
A tactile bribe
Begging the question
What is alive
Is there a reason
In this chalice of mine
To sip my faith
And fear no demise
Is there a forever
In your crying eye
A word to grasp
When your child has died

Another year has gone, it just slipped away,
Without notice or warning or eulogies to say.
On purpose, I barely register its passing…only crack
A bitter smile;
A half-raised, quizzical eyebrow, maybe, laced with a brief
Sense of a long forgotten once close friend
Giving up the ghost.
From starved tree branches the leaves tumble down,
Sheets of rain guillotine on this dirty old town.
I watch the autumn gale axing…havoc from
The frozen North.
I'm digging graves for memories, perhaps, meticulously fast,
For they really need interment
As they are the living dead.
Funny, it's the first time ever, I realise I'm getting old,
The heart misses beats and the room feels always cold.
I see the lines etch on my face…gritted warp
Of aching bones.
And try as I might to shove longing and regret back into
Their woodworm coffins,
It does not keep the pain at bay
When the past craves resurrection.

All alone in the middle of pain-
drowning in a sea of sorrow -
a demented asylum of unmerciful distress-
that destroys all hopes of tomorrow-
these dark crashing waters-
that are fueled by the rain-
are destine to swallow me-
in this cold sea called pain-
my heart beats uncontrollably-
as I frantically gasp for air-
but my lungs are filled-
and my cries are silenced-
by the bitter waves of despair-
where is the sun to dries these waters-
and give long awaited relief-
to a soul that's drowning in a deep sea of sorrow-
pulled under by the currents of grief-

Rebuilding a bridge that was blown asunder,
Should we start from above or way down under?
Is it really too late to try once again?
For the two of us to call each other friend?
A heated discussion, words said in anger,
Is how our friendship got into danger.
If we had only taken time to think before we spoke,
Maybe our friendship would not have broke.
We can not retract what we did in the past,
We can only start over and make it last.
I miss your smile - the warmth or your heart,
May we try once again or do we just stay apart?

I found out today you had never been true
You were with someone else when I was seeing you.
You took my love, my heart, my trust
And all it meant to you was lust.
I found out today that you gave her a ring
While talking with me about the same thing
And pledged your vows and made her your wife
And swore to stay with her the rest of your life.
Was it just a race? Was it just a game?
Did either of us matter or were we just the same?
Did you really care which one of us said yes first?
Here I thought when you left me you had done your worst.
I found out today the ink was not yet dry
On the decree from your previous lie.
I was just one of many, a face in your crowd
Being duped by you does not make me proud.
I found out today I will get over you
I will hold my head high, I will get through
You have made me a skeptic, you have opened my eyes
I will not so easily fall for men's lies.
One day if I chance to see you on the street
If our paths should cross, if our eyes should meet
I'll forget the deceptions, the lies you would say
I'll remember the truth that I found out today.

Cast attention on the dreams we have caught
They’re nothing of our own
Filtering our hearts right through the dark
Until we give in to the unknown
Casting lights upon the pointless death
In the wars that we’ve become
It’s so sad to see what will really die
The part we kill because we run
Cast attention on the lies we create
Manifesting every fear
Will these walls protect me from the pain?
Will the static drive the tears?
Casting lights upon the obvious truth
That we can’t remember love
Because every notion that we think is right
Was not handed from above
Cast our questions into timeless stone
It’s time to walk away
Step again into the lonely dark
It’s time to feed the pain
Casting spells that only weave an end
This is what we’ve become
Friendly faces that will kill again
We’re just a mirror with a gun

When I feel your warm embrace,
You won't see the tears rolling down my face,
Now you seem so far away,
Dont worry now, I wont ask you to stay.
When you left me,I felt so empty and cold,
You couldn't know how bad that felt,
Your happy now, or so I'm told,
I loved you more than life it self.
You told me you would be there,
All the way to the end,
You said you would always love me,
But you words were just pretend.
I thought if you really loved me,
you would be right here with me,
But you had other things to do,
You had other places to be.
You were my best friend, you were my heart,
I fell in love at the beginning, right from the start.
Now all alone frightened and scared,
Did you ever love me? Did you ever really care?

Is death the end to our suffering
Or the cessation of our existence?
Is death a new journey for our soul?
Or is death our final eternal punishment?
Or do our souls get to rest peacefully
After a life of trials and tribulations?
Should we cry or rejoice when
Death stares us in the face?
What is death to us?
An end to our sorrow
To our pain
To our physical imperfections
To our illnesses
To the sins that torment us
Should we fear this unknown phenomena?
Or should we embrace it?
Maybe in death we find the truth
That escaped us during our lives.
Maybe in death we can finally find freedom
To roam in a mystic realm of our own creation

What lies behind a conscious mind,
That contemplates on suicide.
What passing fear just won’t subside,
To make them want to stop this ride?
What makes a person feel such pain?
To take a life seems so insane,
For what sole purpose be so vain?
What problem couldn’t time soon wane?
Who knows what lie’s in store for us,
If there’s a hell, then what’s the rush?
And if there’s nothing but death’s touch,
Then how could all your problems hush?
Life often has it’s ups and downs,
Wait long enough and ups come round.
You’ll find that life is quite profound,
It’s lessons leave much to expound.
So, whatever pain and sorrow brings,
It’s not worth cutting life’s short string.
Just focus on the little things -
And watch, you’ll find a song to sing.

On top of failure
Is a lonely Lucifer
Awaiting my arrival
I have fallen below bounds
That were once so familiar to my feet
So, the ground feels different,
Hotter and slightly unstable
Much like my temperament
And in this case
‘F’ does not signify fantastic
But we all know what it means

Holding this hand full of pills.
It’s a power of wills
I could end it all.
It’s my call.
No more pain.
No more memories of where it came.
Hand full of pills
Love only kills!
wasted away inside.
save me from what I hide.
No one really sees me.
No one really knows me.
Hand full of pills
a void only death fills.
No more promises or lies.
No more breaking what he defies.
I am you!
Now you are only what’s true.
Hand full of pills
Down my throat It spills.
Ending my hell.
Ending stories I wont have to remember or tell.
I can die!
Just die!

Across the cold concrete steps
Are strewn pears and lilies
A very long time ago
A grave tragedy occurred here
No one saw anything
No one said a word
Dark spirits now protect the site
Somber, powerful memories still remain
At the corner of forever
Out on the edge of time
Where something means everything
But means nothing at all
Stands a figure transfixed, keenly aware
that beyond the void and
Across the cold concrete steps
Are strewn pears and lilies

I cast the shadows of the worlds I lost
I count my sins so I forget the cost
I name my demons in this fading dream
My faith still hides because my heart’s unclean
Once a lie of the mirror’s trust
Lost my sight when I felt my lust
Waking up underneath the stars
I broke away and I’ve come so far
Still so pure underneath this shell
Gazing in and hiding from my hell
I centre myself in a plain of prayer
I look at myself but see nothing there
I am a part of yesterday
The poisons coming and the things they’d say
I keep myself so far away
My yesterday becomes today
I write confessions to depart with death
I will continue after my last breath
I pray for light to come back to me
My only hope lies in what I can not see

Promises made on the day he did depart.
After a long wait in hell.
When his feet touched familar soil they'd make a new start.
But time is a empty partner indeed.
Nights turned to endless hours.
And in a moment of weekness she did concede.
With time and regret so we do learn.
He saw no one waitting.
On the day of his return.
So many happy smilling faces none he did know.
Just strangers in another life.
He just a extra in the background of this traggic show.
He knew the adress but couldnt reconize the place.
many storms had passed.
But haunted was the look apon her face.
Tears and regret over what she had and for
what she did yern.
Victems of time tears but not of joy.
Shed apon this sudden return.
Deep within the eyes thoose old feelings
almost did shine through.
A confession in pain.When she waved farewell
it was already threw.
A leason of emptyness two former
lovers did learn.
Passion like any flame dies.
Leaving only smoke and darkness
to greet you apon your return.

I’m half monster.
Living in a jackal and hide world of a father’s imposter.
In fear of that half coming out
I am left without.
Who am I?
Can I distinguish why?
Will anger entice me?
Will feelings precise me?
I’m half monster!
I’m half of my father.
I can’t punish my child in fear of going to far.
I can’t change him without feeling dirty by a hidden scar.
He made me!
He hated me!
He’s my parent.
He’s my serpent.
I’m half monster!
He’s a monster.
I wish I knew where I fit.
Half and half I am split.
My brothers followed his steps.
I am a misstep.
I wasn’t supposed to be.
Can I get rid of this monster inside of me?

I get the silent phone calls.
I know she's on the line.
Why don't you be a man for once
and choose her home or mine?
You say I must be crazy
because I do accuse...
You must have forgotten
how much I have to lose.
I've given you the better part
of my unhappy life.
Why can't you just be satisfied
with me being your wife?
Have I made you be unfaithful?
Do I not fulfill your needs?
Or is it just your selfishness
that makes you do such dirty deeds?
I'll get the strength to leave you,
and believe me...when I do,
You'll Pay for all the pain you've caused
when she does the same to you!

It is the one I want,
that my heart does haunt.
Even though I can not have,
the one I hold near and dear,
they always make me laugh.
They do not spurn me;
all they do is make me feel free.
Though I know who I want,
they always seem to try to taunt.
I can not have them this I know,
I still seem to love them from head to toe.
It is for some time,
my love I try to hide.
But now my obsession grows so strong,
I do not know if my heart can hold out for long.
So some how my heart I must break,
or something else my love and heart must take.
For I know them very well,
I wish they would at least,
make my heart hurt like hell.
Because they can not return my love,
I will try to pray for help from above.
I truly care for them,
so I can not go to take,
them away from who they date,
so now I put my whole self at stake.
Even though my love they won't return,
I really wish then my heart would burn.
I really fear that some time soon,
I will be emotionally ruined,
and that to be my doom.

Everything in effort of ending
A life that I want to sell
There is nothing left upon the surface
But inside is something I know well
A boredom that will feed my anger
A place that I’ve seen before
I’d take myself from every answer
If it would take me to the arms of a whore
Her eyes whisper shadows of ending
A world that I just don’t need
My silence feeds her fear of falling
And my emptiness will make her bleed
A failed love for every person
A lie that I can still feel
I will stand before them with a happy smile
But I laugh at them as I steal
My parasite is still wanting an ending
Of a game that I love to play
The murderer and angel want to sleep now
And my boredom has nothing to say

Like bullet holes in a starched white shirt,
they prop the gravestone in the dirt,
a ruby stitch across the face
of veined pale marble carapace.
They held my gaze that winter day,
beneath black clouds with streaks of grey,
the wind howled for the distant dead,
ice crystals bit the greatcoat thread.
Stiff cards bore words upon each stem,
five mourners and the names of them,
each severed bloom, blood red and still,
clashed colours with the graveyard chill.
Five flowers and a funeral done,
alone stand I the wayward son,
and no one cares that I'm alive,
imagining six instead of five.

The moon sunk her teeth in a sky of black,
Over city backdrops and the scent of crack,
Neon spilled burning through traffic veins,
Dead man's handles on subway trains.
I tasted of acid in the end of night,
Snow descended dirty, off-white,
Staring through curtains at six a.m.,
Into the kitchen and back again.
All currency spent in the cheapest of bars,
The ones beside wreckage of burned-out cars,
Drinking from morning 'till midnight chime,
With stoned stool-pigeons and lives of crime.
I hurt nobody, only hurt myself,
Sat in the shadows, toasting my health,
As sleep comes calling I start to fall,
A dreamer washed-up with no dreams at all.
Don't tell any secrets, don't tell any lies,
There's enough depiction in these blood-red eyes,
Don't require religion or my soul to save,
Or a shallow legend on a shallower grave.
I could preach you sermons to warp your mind,
I could show you things to strike you blind,
But the world won't listen, it remains the same,
Always leaves me stranded with a crying shame.

The beauty of nothing
Is what I see.
If people opened their eyes
They would not see me.
There maybe less space
When I am around,
But I am not seen.
I cannot be found.
I am not worth
My weight in gold.
I am not worthy
For someone to hold.
I do not wish
For another day.
I do not dream.
I no longer pray.
I do not understand
Why I'm still here.
I do not understand
Pain and tears.
Explain to me why
The good are to die.
The bad left behind
To continue their lies.
Where is this light
I hear about?
I'm lost to the darkness
With no way out.
I think of death
And what it might be.
To end this nothingness
Which is me.
The answers continue
To be hidden from me.
For today, tomorrow.
Perhaps, eternity.
You cannot give love
Then laugh at me.
For I am lost to the darkness
And noone sees.

I recognize your faces
You pass me everyday.
Crossing the street to avoid me.
Jeering eyes cut into my soul
My pride died long ago.
While you work I’m working too
Moving from corner to corner
Praying for a miracle to come
Dealing with deafening regrets.
I long to walk with you
For just one day.
As the clock strikes five
You all pass me again
Can you spare some change?
I feel your eyes avoiding mine
I have a family out there
But their eyes avoid me too.
An embarrassment to them.
An embarrassment to you.
I deal with it every day.
I hate what I’ve become
But I’m so very numb now.
I fall asleep with my decisions.
Just as you do.
Good night Society.
If you wake up and I’m not there
Don’t worry.
Wherever I am now,
Is better than where I was.
If there is a heaven,
I’ll greet you there where
You can see me for what I really am.
As God sees me.
And if not,
I hope that comfort
Keeps you warm and safe.
Someday death will come
And you’ll have to ask yourself
If you had any regrets.
And you’ll have to face what I face
Everyday.
Tomorrow.

I drink...
Alone, all the time, always thinking,
About past times that should have been.
I should have done this, I should have done that,
I never get the chance to do anything,
Because nothing ever goes my way,
As I'm too busy anyhow,
My bravery is diminished just for now
And life's dreams will be fulfilled another day...
And confrontational pressure will soon go away.
My life is a struggle, and
Like dead weight, I plop back down,
A tiring sigh befits my frown,
Viscous is my life's blood,
Laziness is my likelihood,
I am a self-trapped man.
Self-esteem, non-existent,
Life is sucked out, numbed is my soul,
Nothing here, no spirit left,
Nothing but skin and bones.
Imminent is my digress,
Divest of intellectual progress.
I go over the events in my mind,
The portrayal of my life, and I shine,
It's so exciting, yet so elusive,
My drunkenness has gotten me stupid,
Once again.
For I relished the vivid, savor the imagined
Wallowing in what could have happened
And afraid to take the real first step.
I'm swirling, swirling, swirling,
Filled with sameness and frustration,
Face red and swollen
With the day's libation,
Eyes are glazed, mind on vacation,
My true reality, always distant,
The ice cracks and pops to the marriage of spirits and
I drink...

Sign the stricken spirit on the dotted line of dread
while the wine is tipped in shallow pools which swirl and coat your head
The road back home is only paved with memories loosely tapped
into roots of rotten tree limbs filled with sticky, blistered sap
Wishes fall as paper bark and line the forest floor
Starlight glints behind the clouds and leaves you wanting more
Night time noises concentrate your drunken reverie
while you press your splendid future into bleak discovery
This is your journey, this is your streak
Your moment to bolster the inevitably weak
To stand up in stupor, to rise to the moon
Your scream succor shining on lilies in bloom
For criminal acts which are tattooed on the young
Midnight life trial in shadows begun
Wine altered memories to scatter and pour
To be forever absorbed by the night forest floor...

My lies have taken everything I loved
My mind is fuelled by the pain I trust
My fingers turn everything into dust
My heart avenges loss through use of lust
Anger will tell me that the world’s to blame
Fear will forget it took my mind away
Desire will tell me that it’s pointless
But the liar will realise it’s another day
My eyes see everything in red and white
My friends all look like my favourite night
My words are tuning all within my sight
What’s left now is everything I try to fight
Despair comes and tells me it’s a tragedy
Denial turns away the sight of me
But pain stares and know that it’s all pointless
This is just the way it has to be

Hello Friends... I suffer from Severe Bi-Polar Disorder and this submission was inspired by
actual events that occured during one of my especially critical manic episodes. Be sure and
read Part 2 to complete the poem and leave your comments on the Part 2 submission. Thank
you for allowing me to share my pain for pain shared is pain diminished
Me, Myself, and I...
“There are things that concern us,”
Consensed my “Selves” in earnest
““We” fear that “I” have succumbed to delusion”
“And after careful deliberation
It is with much hesitation
That we choose to delineate upon this confusion”
“Fact is your intuition
Is riddled with superstition
And your judgment leaves much to be desired”
“So you leave us no recourse
Don’t push us to use force”
It is then that the “I” was summarily fired
I exclaimed “By whose authority?” Response, “Rule of majority”
“The “Myself” and the “Me,” (forthwith the “We”), are experts in our field”
“And with much technique and time
And some forays into the sublime
The nature of your malady will be revealed”
“So to keep yourself from having a fit
Step back and just calm down a bit”
“We,” they said, “certainly have this under control”
“We swear this won’t hurt at all”
Then I felt my inhibitions fall
Still I said a prayer to God that He keep my soul
You know, fact is I do feel off axis
As evidenced by such parapraxis
As this prose that I, (or is it “Us”), seek to pen
And with my mind feeling numb
I finally chose to succumb
And allow the “Me” and the “Myself” to begin
And then came questions in a flurry
Answer, answer and please do hurry
Not one moment of respite did they give
They pushed and they prodded
With every “T” crossed and “I” dotted
My mind felt like it had gone through a sieve
And all this psycho-analysis
Is causing my mind paralysis
The questions, can you stop with the questions please
“Yes, oh yes indeed
I do believe we have what we need
To make an attempt to identify your unknown neuroses”

i am a possibility
of many possibilities
i am a ratio
an indecisive factor
in the rest of what this dimension has to offer
the world is a top
i spin it and predict the probability
that the end will equal the means
or perhaps surpass it
even if i never surpass this muck-up
these broken eardrums
and the inquisition of my empty head exclaiming empty words
and i don't even exist
especially to the solipsists, nihilists
and i no longer give a sh--
i am now officially some lazy apathetic prick
oh i could have been a possibility
but that possibility was so small
that you'd need a magnifying glass
and some tweezers
i am rust, oxified and tearing up
i am crust, the sh-- in the ring on the toilet
i am lust, but never just enough
i am bust
i am a loser without a leash and/or choke chain

All this time I have always had my doubts,
Not the person led to believe is what I found out.
To be deceived and lied to for oh so long,
Down deep I knew there was something wrong.
Head over heels I had fallen in love ,
Always thought you were sent from above.
How the knife is twisted into my side ,
So much pain I can do nothing but cry.
These memories of what I thought was real,
I'm confused and I don't how how to feel.
Is this really possible that I did not know,
Through all this time it never showed.
Such an evil thing to do to a man ,
Especially the lies which he could not stand.
How cruel and cold your heart must be ,
To carry on as you did never letting me see.
Hard to accept all those moments so dear ,
Realizing they are now my greatest fears .
What was to be Joy and Happiness,
Replaced by the feelings of a loneliness.
Never did I imagine this happening to me ,
Thinking that you and I were meant to be .
It's a very hard thing for a man to accept ,
When he finds out that he's been tricked.
Was it the money or the control you had ,
Maybe because you are really just that bad.
Some day soon for this you will have to pay ,
For the sins against me and your evil ways.
Goodbye to you who ever you are ,
For in this heart you have left brutally scarred.
Tac.

Once held with love, by hands so small-
You’d hardly know that they were mine;
Her hair, a matted yellow mess
That sticks strait up, from hands and time,
The dress, Aunt Rose knit with gnarled hands,
Still ties up proper in the back,
It hides her scars; so much undone
While keeping dignity in tact,
One of her fingers’ is too short
When I was small, I bit it off;
Her neck’s been stretched from need and love
Which now I hide with velvet cloth,
Her eyes, the same sky blue as hers-
A mother ripped from life and earth-
Who passed away, leaving her child
One blue-eyed doll and no self worth…
Many a year flew by in time-
An adult with kids of my own-
When our house burned, consuming all,
From photos to refuge of home,
There came from ashes, hope reborn-
A beauty with eyes of sky blue,
Covered in suet, fire-scarred but safe,
The only thing that made it through!
A miracle or mothers hand,
That saved her from the fire's embrace?
To place her safe with honor, down
Atop the snow to cool her face,
This doll may look a ragged mess
To those whose tears she hasn't dried,
But when I look in those blue eyes
I see a child’s love, survived…
My Thumbelina, dread locked doll
No other friend could e’er replace
Her love; I love her battle scars,
Where memory lives upon her face…
2nd place winner in Karen Neary's TRASH or TREASURE contest , 5/2008

Hello Friends... I suffer from Severe Bi-Polar Disorder and this submission was inspired by
actual events that occured during one of my especially critical manic episodes. Be sure and
read Part 1 first so as to get the true gist of the poem and leave your comments here on the
Part 2 submission. Thank you for allowing me to share my pain for pain shared is pain
diminished.
Me, Myself, and I... (continued)
“Your, (Or “Our”), symptoms seem to intermit
And the fact that “You’re,” (“We’re”), a hypocrite
Tis no wonder we’re having such problems with diagnosis”
Then “I” had an idea so grand
To dispense with this at my own hand
A self-inflicted coup de grace would be my prognosis
So while the “Me” and the “Myself” squabbled
With courage newly cobbled
“I” spotted the dresser drawer and made my run
With fingers fiercely fumbling
Whilst they continued grumbling
“I” produced from the depths of the drawer a shiny gun
And now my life, though ill-fated
Was soon to be vindicated
This would affect us all equally the same
Would be no myself or me
No you, him, us, or we
But an inclusive all would be to blame
It took me a moment to figure
Out the safety on the trigger
Then “I,” (or “Us”), prepared to do the dirty deed
Then the barrel found my temple
And as it settled into the dimple
A still small voice did my “selves” choose to heed
Hence a moment of clarity
Harkened me to posterity
And I thought what a legacy to leave behind
“Can’t we all find a way
To save this miserable day
And avoid a broken body for someone to find”
And then deep within my soul
I felt and heard a simple drum roll
And the differing sides of me just subsided
And with my mind now as one
I worked to get this all undone
The whole business of this stuff I derided
And tis now true of fact
That I survived this ordeal intact
And lived to raise my face unto the sky
And here now as it ends
I find I’ve made good friends
With the “Me”, the “Myself,” and the “I”
Thank you for taking the time to share in my poetry. Please feel free to leave your thoughts
or comments here on this page.
J. Scott Burns...

Overlook a lifetime past
Remember how it did not last
Life changes quickly before your eyes.
This so called reality surrounded by lies.
A sad thought it may seem
I do not want to open my eyes to another dream.
Real reality set in.
Lets look forward and begin
I am in this game of life to win.
I will not give up and lose.
I will stand tall
even though I am battered and bruised.

What Is This Church All About?
Is this church meant for people like me?
Is this where God really wants me to be?
They claim to be filled with God’s spirit.
When it comes to HIS truth... Can they give it?
I’m sure there’s many who come and attend
It’s more than “church on Sunday,” that we must spend!
We must reach out to the lost and the oppressed!
After all, Christ gave us his very best!
May we all preach the gospel and God’s holiness!
And strive to seek his awesome righteousness!
Living for Jesus must be a daily walk and experience!
Not simply based on our “ambitious self appearance.”
God isn’t interested in a denomination or a title…
He wants to know… Do we really believe the Bible?
He’s not interested in the money put in the offering plate.
He wants to know; “Are you ready
to enter heaven’s gate?”
May we strive to serve Jesus with a zeal and passion!
And be filled with his holiness and compassion!
May we serve Jesus from a heart of humbled confession!
And making our commitment to him,
our #1 possession!
“Unless the Lord builds the house.”
They labor in vain that build it!
Let’s seek the power of God!
May his presence completely fill it!!
By Jim Pemberton

It's chilly where the sun once shone,
Mem'ries haunt when I'm alone,
Bereft of joys that I had known,
My dreams all torn apart.
Scorched the earth where flowers bloomed,
The dust and ash my hopes consumed,
Hes'tations, doubts our passion doomed
Ere it had time to start.
I want in vain for solace dear,
It's dark where once the skies were clear,
When naught but what might be I feared
And the course our love would chart.
Promises broken,
Words unspoken,
Deep wounds opened,
Eyes that cried.
Wrongs not righting,
Constant fighting,
Unrequiting,
Love soon died.
It's cold here where a flame once burned,
It's empty where for you I yearned,
It's dead and life will not return
To the cinders of my heart.
Written for "A Flame Once Burned" Contest
December 1, 2012
By: Daniel Beus

Do you believe in the things that you've always known,
Can you understand the things you've been shown.
Is it the visions you see that make you believe,
Or is the feelings you get when you've been deceived.
The pain you feel a never ending ache ,
Tearing your heart and soul from you every day.
Time ticks slowly pounding away at you,
Throbbing heart breaking and there's you can do,
Must I settle for these lost and broken dreams,
Because it has all the signs that what it seems.
How much should a man endure to find his way,
It cant possibly be like this hard for me every day.
There is nothing so frustrating as being so confused,
Especially when you've discovered that you've been used.
I will get through this lonely phase I have no doubts,
But I'm sure there will come a day I'll figure it all out.
Cautiously I walk the path that's been laid before me,
In faith I will continue for I know he will let me see.
Life will be thrown at you in so many different ways,
I will be prepared for these things for the rest of my days.
Broken dreams will be the learning tree for me to grow ,
Living my life with Joy Happiness is what I'll always Know.
tac

(I am inspired to write this poem by three Hollywood Movies (1)* The movie: Art of crying
(2)** The Cruel Intentions II (3)*** Julienne Moore starer (I don't remember the
name of the movie)
Hola
I am Ram Mehta, I am going
To say adios to this damn,..damn da..
To the world of Movies where cars are houses
Houses are storehouses….fed up with this life style
I am going to say adios to that world where the boy
Friends, girl-friends
Friends of all types and kinds are easily
Avaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiii l a b l e
just for asking only
BUT but but buttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
Batteries not included
I am going to say adios to that worlddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
Where the
Girls
Are looking for fun, but.. But…what should I say yay
"Batterries to be recharged."
I am going to say adios to that world where a son is enamoured of his
Own..own, (I am shamed to say, O.K. will write,) “mother”
And …………….
And …………And a father seeks his own
Damn (I got to write) hhhhhh “Own daughter” in bed
Still shameful is… An unmarried girl wants a child of
Her own, her mother takes her to the city to get
Pregnant like …likekkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkke
A shepherd takes the cows to the
BULL.
Adieu Adieu
Adieu
+++++++
March 18, 2014
Form : Concrete
Dr. Ram Mehta
First Place Win
Contest: Danger by Sheri Fresonke Harper

Its midnight again, TV on
The sofa becomes my bed
As the confusion of our lives
Fills my weary head
At times I drift off
And think of days gone by
How I yearn for yesterday
So bad it makes me cry
Other times I feel just like a kid
With something new to share
And you put your soul around me
And tell me how much you care
At times I think its working
Like I’ve finally met the mark
And all too quickly it ends
And I’m alone, on the couch, in the dark
Why can’t it all be the way it was
That day on top of the hill
Am I really as bad a person
As you can make me feel
Inside I try so hard
Outside it seems I don’t
I want to meet your needs
But I don’t know what you want
I try to be your husband
Your lover and your friend
Somehow I never am
And I find myself here again
I try to be a father
But those efforts just backfire
Somehow I manage to destroy
Everything that I desire
I ask myself, “Is it worth it?”
Why don’t I start anew
And after hours of contemplation
Just one answer, “I love you”
And resolved to that end
I lay my heart to sleep
And I pray the lord
Our souls together he will keep
A silent kiss to you and the kids
In hopes of a better day
As I close my eyes to dream
And let my troubles drift away

They took away my innocence—
A child, but merely two years old.
My soul left with ambivalence;
I hate myself as I grow old.
A child, but merely two years old—
Abandoned, glossed over, abused.
I hate myself as I grow old;
Completely left confused and used.
Abandoned, glossed over, abused—
Why would a person hurt a child?
Completely left confused and used—
Naïf, so trusting, meek, and mild.
Why would a person hurt a child?
My soul left with ambivalence—
Naïf, so trusting, meek, and mild.
They took away my innocence.

My words may feel so cold,
Yet this feeling of falling and
Then trying to be so loving
Eventually misleads me to
Feeling like she or myself
Is gradually shoving my feelings
Through an invisible door.
It's all so not worth
Letting this sorrow corner me in,
My mind is wondering if I'm truly fine with
Having no one special in my own current life.
My reasons for trying to
Move onwards from there
Were nothing but idealized dreams
Turning into unpleasant realities.
Who knew that a few days
After those euphoric moments
I would be realizing that
The strings of my heart were pulled
By desires so unnecessary for healing
My own inner strife.
My words may have been so cold,
But it's only because this sorrow I go through
Will always continue beyond tomorrow.
You don't deserve being
My eternal object of depression,
Yet you are also even taking it
All too simply to be the object
Of my true love and affection.
My feelings from loving you
Were absolutely true,
But I now see I was so wrong
In believing in my own naïve thoughts.
So fleeting was the beautiful
Rendering of my soul,
Except that no one knew then
That it was only a game of pretend.
Wanting my first kiss returned,
Yet again I guess first can mean the worst,
So I guess I'll find someone
Who will become my second best.
After telling you I can't love you anymore,
I now feel as if I can finally rest.
My words were only so cold,
Because something in the depths of my heart
Was calling out to be heard.
In the end though I have released myself
From the bittersweet feelings I gained from
My voice and feelings that once were forsaken.
I'm sorry for being so cold.

Let the Deicide commence.
You're a voyeur at best!
Your vampiric heart is beating out of your chest!
And you have slayed the ones whom would love you for anything less
Ready to consume the final fragments of innocence,
And for you there is no forgiveness,
On your knees pleading, screaming to a tyrant in the skies;
The father of lies.
I will never be enslaved in your superiority
The people agree: jaded of your false dichotomies.
Know: I will be whomever nature intends to be
Apollo and I will share our dreams,
and you will be forced to see
your failure!
I know who you are...
Readily the first to present your scars
Chained by some despot or mental czar
An emotional homunculus in your mind, behind bars
Reluctant to escape - even when proven fake
Your demented mind - depths no one will penetrate!
...And you see me suffering
Not caring of any casualties
Just as long you recieve your safeguard of sympathy
So very wary of the masses and their Anarchy; Liberious ways
Solipsist - Is there no one you can see?
Even if she was presented burning?
Solipsist - Is there no one you can believe?
Even if Sophia was screaming?
Solipsist - Know you have killed and abused me
Imprisoned in your own personal reality

This is a day that I could have really done without,
Saying you love me and do this to me hurts no doubt.
Day after day I pray that you will please stop,
What pain you've caused me has taken all I've got .
I love you and adore you but it seems not to matter,
Still you continue to hurt me leaving my heart shattered.
You come to me with words I have only dreamed ,
But what they were meant for was to hurt me it seems .
Never have I seen a woman with so much hate ,
Taking revenge on me by disrespecting me till it hurts.
True I have waivered with my troubles with trust,
The one thing thats important and this is a must.
There are no more words or sayings that will ever work,
I have tried everything I know giving it all that its worth .
To the day I die I will never understand why ,
The woman I love does everything to make me cry .
So this my dream to be forever with you ,
Is only nightmares for me and dying is all I can do.
This a day I surely could do without.
TAC

P aranoia permeates, etching itself into your fractured face,
A cacophony of constant pressure; life remains a stressful race,
N othing to hope for, no positives like promotion in the workplace,
I nability to love, relationships lift anchor and set sail without chase,
C hildren crushing dreams under mortgages; age grows with disgrace
!!

Drink the drink, and take the pills, lay on the medication.
But your soul's forever lost to them without persistent dedication.
There's things we've learned, and things we will, to decide us right from wrong.
But your ears are only open, now, to a techno-logic song.
Social norms have bound you tight, then cut you awf'ly deep.
And still your soul beneath the surface begs of you, relief.
You waded in their welcome waters, thought it nice and cool
But now I'm sure you've figured out you're lost in sorrows pool
So take it from who knows you best
Someone who has passed this test:

Before you drift out in the sea
And the shore's no longer in your view,
I promise that I'll bring you back
And if I can't, I'll follow you.
Before your legs and arms grow weak
And you've passed your final tier,
I promise that I'll hold your hand;
I promise you I'll still be here.
Before your lungs are filled with water
And our souls are parted once again,
I promise you that you're forgiven;
I promise you I'm still your friend.
Before you close your sunken eyes
Inviting night to kill the day
Know your bright was never slight
And soon you'll see your way.

Pigeons flutter in the park
eating refuse from the grass.
Noon comes; the hours pass.
Leaves fall; the sky grows dark.
Silence reigns throughout the park.
A crumpled headline, a forgotten toy,
lifeless, do not hear a far-off bark.
In the park, not a single little boy.
Midnight comes; the hours go --
soon, the sky begins to glow...
morning breaks, and with it, sound.
In the park begins the morning round.
White skeletons of benches -- slats --
in all the wintry parks of Age
fill up in morning. Deserted flats,
each with the aspect of a cage,
become an unused, waiting gauge
that measures dull and wasted years --
floods of loneliness -- rivers of fears...
The weak and battered, pallid crowd
which, daily, parks ingest
speak in muted tones; but loud
is the message all suggest.
The clangor of the beaten Belles,
trampled in the slime of years,
entreats the mind to plug its ears;
yet, if it will, it hears...
memories, perhaps, keep active still
the shriveled and the loosened flaps
that are the mouths of all the Bills --
reduced to gray and ugly gaps...
Down the graveled pathways come
children bent on carefree play.
Belles, though silent, are not dumb,
nor will the Bills forego their say.
But warnings fall on ears too deaf;
around are eyes too blind to see.
And so the tots, too young for Death,
play on and on till time for tea.
Day after day after day
children come and children play.
Pigeons flutter in the park;
Leaves fall; the sky grows dark.
Once more, deep silence claims the park.
Midnight hours come and go.
The sky again assumes a glow.
Wind stirs dead leaves to rustle.
Starts again the aimless bustle
of the battered, weak, and infirm-eyed:
those whom living failed -- who died
but still must play their signal role
of unloved, friendless, unhailed Old;
who gather daily in the park
to envy tots their vital spark --
the hope, the promise in their eyes --
before it fades, before it dies.
But tots at play -- the young, the bold --
must laugh and sing -- cannot be told
that youth's not long and Time is cold.
Time devours -- a ravenous beast --
and men are the courses at his feast.
Some he swallows in their prime,
On some he waits too long a time:
these rancid morsels, Time's midnight snack,
explore their memories. They hie them back
to that old moment, deepest black,
when they first dared to know -- and first said --
that Time's the master all men dread.
(Please read The Park -- Part Two, which is a continuation of
this poem...due to space limitations)

The fear of life.
For nine months in warm sweet world
I float there peacefully
Then cast into that birth canal
It kind of frightens me
I feel I’m suffocating
And I don’t know what it is
Too soon I enter crazy world
Far from the gardens bliss.
As light comes shining everywhere
The panic settles in
This world is filled with action
And so much awful din
I feel like I’m in trouble
Yet there’s naught that I can do
It seems this place is crazy
That I’ve been cast into.
Then as I grow from babyhood
And listen to the lies
That all these madmen tell me
Cause they’re not very wise
It seems that something’s wrong with me
My life it feels off key
So the only question on my mind
Is ‘What is wrong with me???’

Land of the free
Home of the slaves
The blood, sweat and tears of my ancestors resonate
Amongst the soil where they were slain
I’m hearing their struggle
I’m feeling their pain
I can’t imagine being forced to part from my family
All for massa’s gain
So I pay homage to those who promoted change
People like every slave who tried to escape
Nat Turner, Ms Carlotta, Harriet Tubman
And the safe houses who were in accord
And peg leg Joe with his song
Follow the drinking gourd.
People like, the disregarded - those thrown overboard
And who was dismissed and defamed
The ones who were stripped of their soul, their pride, their names
The list could go on
The full will never be told
So I pay homage to others who were bold
Like John Brown, The Freedom Riders, Sojourner Truth
Ida B Wells, Phyllis Wheatley, Maya Angelou,
Langston Hughes and Charles Drew
George Washington Carver, Ruby Bridges
Booker T Washington and Mary McCleod Bethune
Charles Houston, Ralph Bunche, Fredrick Douglass
WEB Dubois, Paul Robeson, Ralph Abernathy
Benjamin Banneker, Marcus Garvey and Crispus Attucks
Who’s death by the way
Symbolized the American lie
You cant declare the rights of all men
While the people of African decent rights get denied
But still we rise
Thanks to Dr Martin Luther King, Malcolm X,
The Black Panthers, the Buffalo Soldiers and Tuskegee Airmen
None who were showed any love
Yeah it’s an uphill battle,
But obviously greatness can be done.
We can rise above this stigma
That blacks are lazy and daunting
That our worth is null and void
And in essence minus nothing
And of all the names mentioned
And the greatness of their successes
No one has been able to erase the evil transgressions of a racist mind
And once you have experienced just a taste of it
It changes your perception of time
The oppression beats like the drum on the chariot
Of when it was finally time to escape to freedom
It's mine

Rose hips lady
Your field is ripe
Bury my torn body
In that rain-soaked night
Taste those sweet confessions
On your baby breath
Lift this wounded flag
Into your burning nest
Oh, yes, I will
I will
Rose hips lady
Your field is ripe
Bury my torn body
In that rain-soaked night
Tame the roaring tiger
Never lets you rest
Take my last reward
From your moonlit breasts
Oh, yes, I will
I will
Daddy’s gone hunting
He’s gone away
Daddy’s gone hunting
Won’t be back for days
Left you with a lover
Makes a shrine
Of your skin
Left you with a lover
Takes you down
Roads of sin
Left you all alone
Alone
And the knots cut deep
Through the musk and flesh
Of hot regret
And the love you need
It’s a shadow
Never lets you rest
You release the Beast
From a well that’s wet
You will confess
That the love you need
It’s a shadow
Never lets you rest
Rose hips lady
Aaaaaah......

(Dedicated to Folake)
Your eyes, woman
are like twilight rainbow
amorously bearing aloft passions of mine
toward androcytic ecstacy.
They tell of endless lights.
Night skies clarion the warmth of you
keep me balled-up till
i am tilted to your adorned essence.
May I call up words to adore you,
agglomerate them into a panoply of worshippers
unsandalled before you
like Moses at the burning bush.
And now you seem to fall asleep
but you tell me it's the heavy night
bidding toward a sunny dawn
wherein our love is lighted.
Slowly I let you fall asleep
impatient with the long night
waiting to gaze once more
into the eyes of my lovely love.
Then a lip is placed on yours
and you rouse up wide-eyed
smiling at my romantic move.
We enjoyed the night, cruising on.

They are bound to the Earth like trees
Suffocating under the weight of an icy grave
Reaching to be free, but only their limbs are seen
Hoping that one day someone will see:
They can't escape with lacerated wings
The ocean surrounds me, covering everything
Nothing will be clearly seen; confusion overwhelming
No-one can save you, you're on your own, left to die
Manipulating every bleeding heart you can find
I can't escape with lacerated wings.
Swarms of nets, waves of screams
Entangle: your captive illusions and dreams
The mask has be seared - The truth now they see
The Liar - Vampiric Fiend; lowly thief
And now they know you can't escape with Lacerated Wings
There's reasons for your rejections:
Your Heavy heart's transferred oppression
The scars are too deep to pass the trials
But you can find peace in your cage of empty spirals
You Cannot Escape With Lacerated Wings

One much given
to introspective self absorption,
little inclined to action,
I record this plaintive piece.....
The years go by and, though I age,
I am still the lone, unwanted one.
Early it was I learned
to embrace pain, or to avoid it.....
never to invite, through any expectation,
added disappointment.....
always penning solitary lines,
mere mental meanderings.....
My drab world,
all dry sand and clouded sun,
sparsely populated,
was a nearly vacant, arid desert.
All my laurels for achievements
I, and others, immediately devalued.
Nothing I did could
be worthy of a lauding.....
no good could come from
an unwanted one,
one outside the pale.....
not from such a joyless one.
The years go by, and still,
I am I.....
the lone, unwanted one.

Inundating radiant sunshine beams
down on my face
fervently tracing crows feet
nearing the frown I can taste
obliterating tear streaks
transmitting them
into the depths of outer space
introducing an iridescent spectrum
of piercing waves
golden ears fear in the race
Electromagnetic oscillation
inspiring me to rely
religiously
upon solar energy
photosynthesis
eradicating unwanted toxins
by chasing them
vehemently
So on this sacred date of "ONE"…
negative energy is trumped
by the positive tsunami
of the sun
and as she dares me
to stare into her face of grace
ninety three million miles away…
I sigh
as her radiance blasts my face
in such a merciful way
suddenly my shaking knees
give way to an epiphany
that this day is laced with sanctity
Finally
the world's eyes feast upon
an auspicious
uniformed alignment
five ones standing side by side
gold adorned
a spiritual aspirant
making change the world will see...
"The Sun's Seven"
pronouncing a unified spirituality

* Entrance for P.d.'s "Unique Line" Contest-----This poem's title is unique "A Day of Ones In the Sun" because it describes a very special and unique calendar date 11-1-1. But if you missed it...
don't worry or let your eyes get blurry with tears
cus' 11-11 's comin' in a hurry to relinquish your fears.....so yes there will be another day of ones on 11-11-1! tho' I can't promise you at the Soup that the 11th will be filled with sun!------I believe my poetry, like many others on this amazing site, has a fresh variety, inspired by life and everything in it! I hope you enjoy my lines like :"the world's eyes feast upon
an auspicious
uniformed alignment
five ones standing side by side
gold adorned
a spiritual aspirant"

Living A Lifestyle That the Bible Forbids…
I know of someone living a lifestyle that the Bible forbids.
He told me; “how dare anyone tell me how I should live!”
He added; “what I do is no one else’s business but my own.”
“No one can ever tell me what I do in my home!”
When given scripture that clearly forbids what he’s doing…
It’s the backward kind of life… That he’s choosing!
He claims Jesus is his lord, in spite of his moral depravity.
It’s like he has, in his body, an “infected cavity.”
God gave to us his word, with his holy instructions!
If we don’t obey, it’ll lead to our spiritual destruction!
It doesn’t matter if 10,000 churches say that it’s o.k. to do!
God requires a righteous and holy way of living, for me and YOU!
There are choices we all have, that are to be made!
Are you going to be victorious in Christ? Or sin’s slave???
Have you thought about living for Jesus? And what it cost?
If we’re not sacrificing our lives for him, we’re forever lost!
If you’re one who’s caught up into a life filled with perversion…
May I introduce you to the blood of Jesus? And a righteous conversion?
God gave to each of us, HIS rules and commandments to live by!
It’s either God’s rules, or man’s, that you’ll either live or die by!
Won’t you choose a life that God has chosen to give you?
He created mankind! It’s no secret how much he loves you!
The opportunity is here! It may never come again!
Won’t you let the power of Jesus break the bondage of sin?
Jesus can set you free! Won’t you let him help you?
He’s patiently waiting… Just because he wants to!
By Jim Pemberton 10/07/13

I hear it,
Like the many lights flashing
just to keep me going.
Contrary to the damp twisted sheets
as my anchor to
the warm drip.
On my invisible brow
I have been spat
And I am not counting
Now,
Theres always an echo of an army
poised in the dark
between finishing and pointlessness
Sometimes gumming Orchid petals and clicking wooden heels
over and over.
For the first time today I remembered there was something outside
of me.
I heard a resonating moan.
Nothing like air nor flesh
but many strong puzzle pieces
spinnging and catching
to simply and suprisingly
keep going
forward.

So many thoughts come to mind
If only I could really go back in time
Change or undo my life’s violent and sexual crimes
Tell those around me to open their eyes
Pay Attention to the signs
If only one wish could really rewind
Those pedophilic hands of my life-time…
Then I stopped and started to think
Who would I be if this didn’t happen to me?
What of the woman I’d come to be
The wisdom I’d come to see
And my children who’s lives are abuse free
As a result of my past… my history…
Now, with eyes wide and mind free
Heart pounding, air, LOVE and life in me
Blessed with children to change my legacy,
Equipped with words and strength to share my story… my poetry
I’d wish only to open the eyes of the blind
The mouths of the abused and the hearts of our society…
I’d make them see… I’d make them see
So no other child has to end up like me…
Lay

How do I thank
The voice in the night?
Call of hope
After the world turned dark
How do I thank
The voice in the night?
Healing words
Made from
Angel heart
Oh, her chocolate whisper
Warm convincing breeze
Oh, her breathy laughter
In the shadow of my need
Don’t you hear the voice?
Save you from despair
Don’t you hear the voice?
Sent by ghosts who care
Don’t you hear the voice?
Rises like a prayer
Come to rescue you
From your earthly snare
How do I thank
The voice in the night?
Call of hope
Kissed my tears away
How do I thank
The voice in the night?
Now I dance
To a magic serenade
Don’t you hear the voice?
Memories of home
Don’t you hear the voice?
Pretty as a poem
Don’t you hear the voice?
Vivifies your soul
Bathes you in a pool
Love you’ve never known
How do I thank
The voice in the night?
Call of hope
After the world turned dark
Voice inside the darkness
Gets into my head
Lady caller,
Take me, take me
To your bed
Voice inside the darkness
Gets into my head
Lady caller
Raise me, raise me
From the dead
Voice inside the darkness
Gets into my head

I Can't Breathe
I can't breathe when truth is choked out
can not stand by and not toss truth with a shout
I can't fathom the mind it does take
to ignore truth and race onward with a fake
Story that is so easy to rightly disprove
promote a lie to get going such a violent move
Anything goes to run such a political scam
I reject this fraud with all that I am
Win battles with truth as your shield
deceitful tactics will never force right to yield
A man dies, find out the true medical cause
spinning yarns gives decent folks time to pause
Ponder the reason hatred thrives on bold lies
Hate finds fertile ground whenever truth dies
Robert Lindley 12-08-2014
note. An honest person, a person with integrity will
find the truth before joining the bandwagon of lies.
Sad that a man died because of a stupid law but dying because
of bad health issues is not murder by police. Truth is
no choke hold was used.
"I can't breathe truth did so moan,
darkness gloats as light has now gone
Lying blade cuts like a razor knife,
wounds sought to stir hatred and strife!"
A SHAME THAT THE LEADING BLOG AUTHOR HERE SCREAMING ON THIS SUBJECT (ASKING FOR POEMS) HAS ME BLOCKED FROM REPLYING THERE ABOUT MY POEM ON THE SUBJECT.
I guess banning truth goes in with the agenda for some , eh?

As I lay one sullen autumn morn
on pearl dew turf with the day unborn
staring at the grey grimacing sky
with the mood and moment not quite high
sepulchral static wherever I looked
when my dreary dizzy gaze was hooked
at a lone leaf's death-descent down
to join its wilted kin on ground
then a sudden silent slithering breeze
deprived me of my warmth and ease
and the disturbed withered shroud of Fall
hustled revived in a rustling brawl
hurled and curled in the fading mist
till the whispering winds chose to desist
but Nature lies dead once again
until the wind resumes,retrieves restrain
and I know this flight of life is brief
for I'm none other than a fallen leaf.

The Women
(for the countless women, names unknown, who bore the brunt of Apartheid, and who fought the racist system at great cost to themselves and their families, and for my mother, Zubeida Moolla)
Pregnant, your husband on the run,
your daughter, a child, a few years old,
they hauled you in, these brutish men,
into the bowels of Apartheid's racist hell.
They wanted information, you gave them nothing,
these savage men, who skin happened to be lighter,
and white was right in South Africa back then,
but, you did not cower, you stood resolute,
you, my mother, faced them down, their power,
their 'racial superiority', their taunts, their threats.
You, my mother, would not, could not break,
You stood firm, you stood tall.
You, like the countless mothers did not break, did not fall.
You told me many things, of the pains, the struggles,
the scraping for scraps, the desolation of separation
from your beloved Tasneem and your beloved Azad,
my elder sister and brother, whom I could not grow
up with, your beloved children separated by time, by place,
by monstrous Apartheid, by brutish men,
whose skin just happened to be lighter.
You told me many things, as I grew older,
of the years in exile, of the winters that grew ever colder.
You were a fighter, for a just cause,
like countless other South African women,
you sacrificed much, you suffered the pangs,
of memories that cut into your bone, your marrow,
you resisted a system, an ideology, brutal and callous and narrow.
Yes, you lived to see freedom arrive, yet you suffered still,
a family torn apart, and struggling to rebuild a life,
all the while, nursing a void, that nothing could ever fill.
I salute you, mother, as I salute the nameless mothers,
the countless sisters, daughters, women of this land,
who fought, sacrificing it all for taking a moral stand.
I salute you, my mother, and though you have passed,
your body interred in your beloved South African soil,
you shall remain, within me, an ever-present reminder,
of the cost of freedom, the struggles, the hunger, the toil.
I salute you!
(for the brave women of South Africa, of all colours,
who fought against racial discrimination and Apartheid)

Tolerance and love is preached… But, at what price?
Too often we forget about Jesus’ sacrifice!
His death was because our sin counted against us.
He died on the cross because he truly loves us!
How dare we “cheapen” his work on the cross!
In today’s “political correctness..” We have lost!
In the love and acceptance, we call it “inclusion.”
This has led many into a serious “confusion.”
Many want the loving side of God. I can’t blame them!
But those who seek his holiness…
Can you name them?
God is a God of love. But he requires holy living too!
This is not a request but a command
me and you!
If it’s tolerance and love you want… Look no more!
You’ll be able to find it washed up on sin’s shore!
The people of Israel wanted “free love.”
Look what it got them!
Being slaves and captives, is what
it taught them!
God is a loving God but is also as a consuming fire!
Living a righteous life is what he really desires!
“Without holiness… No man shall see him.”
That’s why he sent Jesus, to the world beneath him!
Won’t you allow your sins to be totally forgiven?
Only Jesus can change the way
you’ve been livin’!
He gives eternal life to those who
diligently seek him!
The choice is yours to repent and receive him!
By Jim Pemberton

I crack a pomegranate every night
Yesterday's juice a sad delight.
Bloody red and faintly sweet
Every kernel a glistening treat.
My teeth stained red from yesterday
Bitter kernels cling to bitter tongue.
Spit the bitterness so far away
Pomegranate dreams for the very young.
Glistening skin is ripened red
Yesterday becomes a crooked crutch.
White skin, red flesh puts pain to bed
Contrast in yesterday's delicate touch.
Break the skin, reveal the treat
Bury the seeds so very deep.
Pomegranate juice so red and sweet,
Regrets are there for me to keep.
I crack a pomegranate every night
Yesterday's juice a sad delight.
And so today forever will pay
For the secret sins of yesterday.

(in memoriam, Eugene Lawler, d. January 29, 2012, aged 83 years)
--- Note: "The singing machine" is a not so tongue-in-cheek reference to Gene and his penchant for singing whenever and wherever he wished, as well as to his karaoke
equipment and his nickname at bars that featured karaoke nights. ---
You fancied yourself a singer,
and indeed you were.
What songs we heard from you
you had made your own,
and you gave them freely
to all who would listen
(though we were just a few
who were, at times, inattentive.)
Time and remembrance may color
the images you left behind,
and the sentimental songs
you sang (and scribed on silver disks
for us to hear when, and if, we will)
may prod us to recall
your willful, dour demeanor
which could bloom into benevolence
or darken further in stormy sneers
at tardiness, or at perceived
maltreatment of any sort.
You were your own arbiter of behavior
who kept before you expectations
of what was appropriate, for yourself
and for us, the others of your kind.
We were few (still fewer now),
who flocked together on occasion
to celebrate, in quiet fashion,
whatever anniversary we chose --
perhaps your passing date
will become another to be marked.
And your voice, reproduced mechanically,
amplified, may remind us of our loss,
and of yours.

And when I learned that you died
How can I describe
The empty
Empty
Empty
You were my boxer in the night
Sparred with you
About every aspect of
Life
My secret tonic
Made everything
Feel alright
Got me through it all
All the frustrations
Disappointments of
Life
And when I learned that you died
How can I describe
The empty
Empty
Empty
We called each other friend
Even when
Our bodies came together
That single
Lunatic
Moment
That single
Lunatic
Time
And it felt so
Full
You made me feel
Full
How can I describe
The full
Full
Full
My life was full
When you laughed
It felt so full even
When you
Cried
The times I was mean
And my body left
Your body
After
That single
Lunatic
Time
And so we pretended
We were just
Friends
In the end
We pretended
Then
And now you’re
Gone
And I can barely speak
Or write
I can barely write
A
Single
Meaningful
Poetic
Word
And there’s a quiet room
In my mind
Where your laughter
Once
Played
My innocent child
Woman
Gone
Away
How can I describe
The Empty
Empty
Empty
How can I describe
The empty
Empty
Empty
How can I describe
The
Way
I
Feel?

My ancestors came here long ago
Tough and strong not weak
But somewhere down along the line
Something went terribly wrong
And now I have to sit here and deal with my legacy
Of not what I thought it would be
Not where I choose to be right now
The legacy that’s me.
I can’t escape the past
The memories seem to last
Of the horrors of what has come before
The graveyard is the place
I can see it on my face
My family’s legacy of suicide
is haunting me.
My generational legacy
Is it going to kill me
Or will it just let sleeping dogs lie
And allow me to exist
Will it allow me to just to see
The me that I am meant to be
To live beyond my years
To grow beyond the tears
To handle all my fears
To defy what could have been
My legacy.
(November 13, 2010 Wausau, Wisconsin)
(c) Copyright 2010 by Christine A Kysely, All Rights Reserved

1.
A red helium balloon
I float above myself,
Watch the ritual unfold:
Gather the sharps
Lay them out
Roll up the sleeves
Enfold the world in silence.
Then, with infinite concentration,
The Not-Me begins:
Draw the lines
Open the flesh
Let out the hot red
Pain and Poison;
Inscribe another testament
To survival.
Then the balloon drifts down
Sleeves roll down
The Not-Me steps into the balloon
And floats away,
And I become myself again,
Purged and Whole
Until the next time.
2.
A wraith,
I live on air
Insubstantial as the Winter's mists.
I am colorless
And blank as perfect ice, as cloudless sky
Yet I command all appetites,
Control my ghostly shape
Against all outside assault.
My Will is wind,
Invisible and Absolute.
A reed,
I bend but never break.
I may be fading, fading...
But the steel rod within the mist
Shines true and will not yield.
3.
Peel back the flesh
The flowing flesh,
And see the Void within.
I am large but I am empty,
Hollow as a gourd, a husk.
Tear me and the taut surface
Will collapse upon itself.
I hunger, ever hunger
For the things that fill others up
And keep them satisfied.
And so I eat.
I eat Love, Acceptance, Self-Confidence.
I eat Hate, Loneliness, Rejection.
And ultimately,
I consume myself.
After all,
Who else could stomach
The taste of me?

There’s a dark place
Dawn has never been
Only pain can see
Deep within
I hear your candle
Drips of discontent
Your beaded breaths
Night's naked din
Thoughts grow cold
Scent grows dim
Window of hope
Cracking within
I feel your footsteps
Your cheek against mine
Rain bled palms
The emptiness of wine
Rust creeks by
Shadow grows thin
Dust of tomorrow
Deadbolted within
If I learned to speak
If you broke my fall
Could I touch your face
Widow on my wall

God Gave Me A Talent… I Didn’t Use It!
God gave me a talent, but I chose to refuse it.
I had it… But didn’t want to use it!
God also gave me the ability to use what was given.
But it just “didn’t fit in” with my style of livin’!
The talent he gave, he wanted for me to share...
Although I went to church… I just didn’t care!
I was like someone who “buried the talent in the ground.”
When God came looking… I was nowhere to be found.
I was embarrassed of what he gave and ashamed.
I didn’t want to talk about Jesus,
or mention his name…
I wanted to be careful of who was my friend.
If I were to use God’s talent, I may easily “offend.”
We all have talents. God’s given them to each one.
He’s given to us his spirit and Christ Jesus his son!
All that we need to accomplish his purpose and goal…
He wants to use us! He loves us more than we know!
Will you “bury” the talents that God’s given to you?
Or will you just “turn your back” like others do?
He has a divine will for us all. A purpose and plan!
He waits for you… With an outstretched hand!
Won’t you allow him to use you HIS way?
Please do it now! Listen to what HE has to say!
HIS blessings in your life is for you to receive!
Reach out to him now! Trust and believe.!
By Jim Pemberton

All the windows down.
Shades drawn.
Door locked.
Against the imitation mahogany, a little manila card:
"Check out time: 3 o'clock."
Click!
All dark now.
Hmmmmm.
The Wizard Deluxe 16" Oscillating Fan
makes a lot of noise.
Click.
It's too cool anyway.
Whew! Those ugly flowers on the rug!
I can almost smell them.
And the bedsprings creak.
What am I doing here...
the Big Guy...
the Smart Alec with All the Ideas...
the Joe Who Was Going Places...
the Most Likely to Succeed...
Huh! If they could only see me now.
Well, here goes nothing.
I guess I'd better, now...
if ever, now!

I was born pale and invisible
In a world
Sees everything
Everything, everything….but me
Invisible to your touch
And doubt you’ll like me very much
Am I alive?
Was I ever me?
I’m a non-existent cipher
A pointless empty zero
Never added up to anything
A non-existent cipher
Pointless empty zero
Tell me….what does it all mean?
And now I think I want you
Ethereal body
Oblivious mask
And now I think I love you
Intelligent lips
Painted in black
But no need to look my way
Or give me the time of day
Can’t be with you
In this world
Invisible man
Never gets the girl
Oh, no...
I’ll find where you are
And watch from afar
You will be felt by me
I’ll find where you are
And watch from afar
You will be loved by me
Your
Zero
Tonight
Your
Zero
For life
Your zero
The day I die
Your zero….your zero
Zero

I am the face of misery
My life, a dissonance of autumn and spring,
The years are written in the same
Lugubrious, nostalgic grey
How can it be the author to blame?
I cannot scream this all away…
Burn nor Bleed this all away…
To Death I am Ordained
Lacuna ever growing
With Velvet sheets of life flowing
Aeons apart of my "royalty"
Under the mask the cannot see...
Can you dispel this tragedy:
Antigone - Epiphany failing
If it must be…
Then just kill me,
(Antigone) sing me out of reality;
I wear this dissonant crown of shame
(Antigone) Of a kingdom's disdain
I hate to be this way... normalcy's bane
(Antigone) Here comes the edict, to blame
The sordid child of Thebes,
This is me,
Antigone
No words of hope
No words of hate
Do I have Lenore to send to me:
The sordid child of Thebes
Caught In the longest nightmare
life - the slowest way to die
I know this is my life
But I'm not under control
under the mask the will see
Just Another Human
If it must be…
Then just kill me,
(Antigone) sing me out of reality;
I wear this dissonant crown of shame
(Antigone) Of a kingdom's disdain
I hate to be this way... normalcy's bane
(Antigone) Here comes the edict, to blame
The sordid child of Thebes,
This is me,
Antigone
If it must be…
Then just kill me,
(Antigone) sing me out of reality;
I wear this dissonant crown of shame
(Antigone) Of a kingdom's disdain
I hate to be this way... normalcy's bane
(Antigone) Here comes the edict, to blame
The sordid child of Thebes,
This is me,
Antigone
Can you dispel my life; this tragedy?
Can you control the storm in my mind?
I'm asking you: can you rid me
Of The Curse of Antigone?

It was a cold and rainy night.
The stars were shining bright.
It seemed as if the world was at a pause and not a person was in sight.
I sat quietly in my car,
the sound of music I heard blasting from a far.
I opened my door,
stepped out slowly and looked around.
Now suddenly the music stopped,
not a word is heard, not even a sound.
I turned my head, looked over my shoulder,
I saw a woman running.
She was wearing a white gown.
I couldn't help but wonder why this woman running
flaunted such a frown.
I followed her footsteps,
I listened for the sound.
Running through the darkness,
one question came to mind,
Who would leave this woman?
Who would be so heartless?
How can someone leave her when she is so obviously distraught?
Abruptly a sound was heard.
I came to a stop.
I listened closely.
It was a gunshot.
Now fearful I stood.
I began to run as fast as I could.
I ran so fast, I could hear my heart beating.
I came upon my car and noticed a woman bleeding.
She was gasping for air.
Someone had shot her and left her to die there.
It was as if they didn't even care.
She reached for my hand,
whispered softly to me
"never trust a man"
At that moment her hand dropped.
I knew her heart had stopped.
I looked at her white gown now dripping red.
I I cried to myself and pondered what she had said.
This could be me.
I could be lying here dead.
I will remember her words always.
They will haunt me for the rest of my days.
This moment I will never forget.
No man should ever be such a threat.
This was the day my life would change.
From this day on I would never be the same.
The lesson I learned here,
never have such fear.
Fear that will keep me from being free.
I learned that I can be happy just being me.

Seething sounds of laughter,
escape her soft, gentle lips –
Teasing trickery thereafter,
as her beauty abruptly slips.
Vainly seeking redemption,
now lost within a cruel night –
insecurely pursuing an answer,
deeply buried within delight.
Exposing uncertain secrets,
once submerged within a tide –
projecting strength and purity,
her weakness she tries to hide.
Vanity consumes her visions,
devouring her foolish dreams –
succumbing to the realization,
life is not all what it seems.
What a silly, naïve child she is,
believing there’s good in all you see….
What an embarrassment to her vanity,
that silly, naïve child inside of me.

You became my best friend, someone I would never ignore.
I know I was selfish, but I wanted more.
She became the one I wanted, and the one I got.
She definitely became the one who showed me love,
And taught me the past should be forgot.
To me she is a memory,
I do sometimes wonder if she remembers’ me.
Constantly she said you loved me I knew she lied,
I could see the fear in her eyes.
I’m letting the pain out,
With out any doubts.
I have to hurry up and let it go,
Before this pain consumes me and I lose control.
When she is around I have to wait a while,
See she doesn’t know but I have to force a smile.
I’ve moved on, so did you.
It’s scary to know you love me too.
Sure I could find someone else so I did not always feel so alone.
But they could never be you I would never feel like I am home.
This poem is for those people who can’t move on…..

Was it said before? Sure.
Was it said this way? I doubt it.
Perspective is in no way obscure,
And his works are nothing without it.
His motivation’s observed in daily life,
Misery, not just some vague inspiration.
He begs for reason, some way to lessen strife;
His words reflect a resounding desperation.
There seems a need at times to clarify,
But that’s allowed in his terms only;
So many thoughts seem somewhat ‘rarefied’,
Fed his fire, but made him lonely.
No ‘underachiever’, not just another fool,
But still seeking solace by the glass;
Tempering his stagger and his drool
With just a bit of ‘kiss my ass.’
But, usually, genius ‘sots’ come to ground,
Lucid moments - on the square;
Their driving ‘bolts’ of genius, word or sound,
Only written because they dare.
Yes, you can feel the written “heart”,
But few of us can realize that sort of pain;
No isolated misery… of many lives a part,
Each begs an answer... “Who’ll stop the rain?”
Yes, he’s lived it, seen it, and told it well;
But Timing is the Master of one’s Fate.
Is the timing right? Funny…only time will tell…
Will you will be a whining sot or dare to be great?
One success can be lucky, we’ve seen that before.
One book, one song, then quietly fade away.
But six novels later, we should know the score;
He must have had something to say.
So, at the perfect time, someone heard.
Someone who was “someone” took someone under wing.
And to those with interest and empathy, they sold his words;
Saying they “are genius” and with “ugly truth” they ring.
But did he create any redeeming changes or impacts?
Yes, what singular influence did all his artful whining bring?
None... just a relentless, repetitive diatribe of sad facts.
Oh, yes…..and a little “ching ching”.
Entered in the "Idiot or Genius" contest 27 March 2014
not so genius

I am a 2 gig desktop computer in the 21st century,
A phone model that’s just been phased out,
How can I convince the youngsters that I also had my days?
I am a Tata Nano right in the midst of a formula one race
Dwarfed and outshined
I am that athlete who finishes fourth in a photo finish
Yes just outside the podium positions
A toilet tissue,
Doing the worst job there is out there
I can’t win can i?
I am that politician sitting in opposition for fifty years
I may never attain pole position
Feel for that frail and ageing prince,
For his mother, The Queen keeps going strong
He may never reach promisedland
I am that sad student,
Repeating a paper because of that elusive single mark
You know I’m that hurdler
The one who led a final only to stumble at the last obstacle
I tried basketball
But every shot I tookwas an air ball
I am that mother who can’t identify the father of my child
I am that teenage boy who’s just lost a fight to a little girl
I’m that fellow who forgets an umbrella on a rainy day
Think of that performer acting in an empty arena
The comedian whose jokes are dry
I’m a broken guitar
I’m a cracked mirror
I’m three legged chair
I’m but a leaking roof
Life is not at all fair
Everything seems aloof
I was small league star
But I barely leave a mark in top flight
I was a big fish in a small pond
I’ve become small fish in a big sea
Out of my depth but I will not stop trying
Yes I missed many penalties in my life
Hit the post when my team was down
Had my fair share of own goals
I cut myself when I shave
But that doesn’t stop me
I will hit the reset button
Reboot the system if necessary
I have a master plan
A wonder drug and it will work
Or will it?

Confused
If there were thing's I couldn't understand,you was one of them.
Going back and forth with one another,like the wind and does in the howls
of winter.You'd follow me to escape your own reality,only not knowing your shattering mine.You tell me to be me there was a time when I was me and you couldn't stand it like it was looking into the eye's of a demon.How should I respond? Running away only brings more then I can offer.
Now I'm drifting and everything left me,I'll suffer the venom of past and the reoccurring pains.
From the tell's of literature to the mounts of the great wars have I been able to tell just from their looks what they thought that very moment but as I look into your eye's does it not only confuse me it refuses to tell me the truth,why am I looking into my own eyes?
Let me touch your face.Let me look into your eye's.Let me see the truth which is clouded and locked away.Let me see your feelings fall from your eye's.
Burned. Chain. Shackled. Scared. Tortured. Entangled with lies.and yet harbors no hate toward anyone then yourself.How much do you loathe yourself? To the point your a sacrificial offering of your own whim's?
As I search for the truth,I see the many heartbreaks and the lies been told to help but nothing prevails. Yet you look at me looking for the same thing.
We're both confused? We're both in agony? We're the same?
This isn't right.This is a lie.I don't wish to see anymore.
I won't lose to this,nor bow down and be your toy.Yet when I'm close to you,it never cold.
Hold my hand as I fight with myself. Never mind hold me closer until neither of us is cold.Don't lie to me with those pleading eye's,that are like dark's as coal and beautiful as an onyx.
Let's be ourselves.Let's shut ourselves away from this world.Let's search for our own truth.But if there only fear in your mouth,then there's lies.I shall grab your heart and I will hold it like it was the last gem on earth.So scream,hate,and be gently.
I'm confused.Your confused.I will listen,if you will talk.
Have you ever heard these words before? I never have but I will say them to you,you who has the same pleading eye's as me.When we're so much alike yet so different to the point it confusing.

A Very Inviting Temptation!
I remember of a particular situation.
I was offered a very "inviting" temptation.
The situation I was in... I didn't belong!
And lost any sense of "right and wrong."
At first... I felt no guilt or shame.
And brought embarrassment
to my family's name.
I tried to explain this to my wife and kids.
I heard; "Dad... please... no more fibs!"
The Godly principles were "tossed to the side,"
As the sin inside caused arrogance and pride.
Soon, all in my life that truly mattered...
Was gone! My life was empty and shattered!
I was sorry for all of the problems I caused!
This time... I took a moment to pause.
I cried to God to rescue me from my sin.
I confessed! Would God help me once again?
I read in the Bible of Jesus’ grace and love!
This time the help I needed had to come from above!
I asked him for a fresh and brand new start.
He removed the stain from a broken heart.
He restored to me the joy I once had.
I'm so blessed! Jesus has made me glad!
Jesus is the reason I'm here today!
I LOVE HIM more than words can say!
By Jim Pemberton

Bound by blame, broken by blight,
Scarred by a stolen satire,
nuzzling necrophiliacs within the night.
Tangled in torment, tied untamed,
blemished by the blasphemy,
of never speaking your name.
Shackled in sin, shredded sovereignty,
dealing death’s doses,
murdering you and me.
Cuffed with candor, calling our crimes,
to an impetuous enslavement,
tortured through time.
Set me free, to flee this fool’s game,
where we're always left wandering,
in this wasteland of shame.

Where once we laughed, bent over our middles,
pounding the table, or just smirking with a rueful
“Oh, my God”, sort of way, could I forget the silent beach?
Rustles of sand at my window as you walk off
hands in your pockets after our gazes met one last time
as you checked I remained alive and you had no duty
to fill any more. How could the sand slither so
beneath our feet, like an upturned timer wiping clean
wiping, wiping away our faces, our moisture,
until only the rollers were brave enough to face
me and the sand and the laughter and the quiet
and what had passed away never to return again.
Never the same river or ocean or hands awaiting
the clock of our unmaking until your rueful smile
no longer smirks at the me that was never there
in your dreaming, and I am made who I am again. Real.
Sheri Fresonke Harper

Today I decided
To bring company
To my mandatory session
Of therapy
I hope this poem
Doesn’t offend
Anybody who decides
They want to read
This topic may be a bit
Touchy or confusing to some
Who like to sit and pretend
Or play dumb
What if you have never
Had control over loosing
Your virginity
What about the girls
Who had it taken unwillingly
What about the chesters
Who plot times and wait
And resolve to touch
And never penetrate
Should a girl call herself
A virgin
Even if she doesn’t feel like
She still has her virginity
What about the boys
Who swear in secrecy
To the archdiocese and priestly men
What about the girls
Who are sold into sexual
Slavery
What about the family friends
Who take prizes from children
Too costly for them
What about the moms
That remember in infancy
The horrible atrocities to great to tell
Of things that happened
To their precious baby girls
Someone needs to invent
A new definition
For virginity

I can't hear the words as they come from my mouth
I can't hear the screams as they work their way out
As I write all is seen is a blur and blank moment and
Once recovered sensed the words were written,not
Even a look to see what was written only to know it
Was there.Sleepless night,taunt filled faces horde my
Dreams.Have this made me fall so low no longer am I
Am I able to stand on my own to feet.How many times
Will you make me cry before claiming only to being a
Witness in a crime,your crime. Putting on that face
Working the crowds with amazing easily,how I hate you
Yes all the thing I think about revolve around you.
How many times have I witness myself wound my self
With your blade? As though under a spell doing as order
Without a cry to the world what made me so diligent ?
But no longer can you be a witness,No longer can I be
A witness to these crimes that been committed.Be us both
Sinners be us both lovers be that we both be cursed
We shall witness our sins become whole and the love in
Which we share spread further and further like the flames
Of hades. May there be peace for sinners in the next world.
We are both witnesses and at the same time
We are both sinners one day to become consumed by our
Own darkness how far will we fall until that moment comes?
May we be good may we be bad may we fall may we live may
May we die or carry on we are the Witnesses We are the Sinners
To this world and the next.

Give me drink, rest, and solitude--
these are all the things I long for.
Give me as well your finest food
and I'll ask of you, lass, no more!
My bonnie lass, what's the matter--
why are you all sorry and alone?
Don't be sad because you're fatter
than most, lass, for love loves its own.
Sweet lass, I'll tell you a secret.
If I were a young lad again,
I'd pursue you without regret!
But as I am three-score and ten
years old, indeed, I can never
be the youthful lad you most need.
But your pain won't be for ever:
for your heart will refuse to bleed.

Do you recognize
This man?
Walking down a snowy path
Years ago
You shared his bath
Filled with bubbling hopes
Optimistic poems
And washed away each others
Sins
Do you recognize
This man?
Fighting earnestly
For change
Years ago
You flew his plane
Through smoky clouds
A hedonistic crowd
And guided him through the
Fog
But now
There are beggars
Gathered at the footsteps
Of a nation
Stealing apples from
The blind
But now
There are soldiers
Occupying the gardens
Of a widow
In the final stage of
Decline
But now
There are roaches
Nibbling the portions
Of a servant
Down to his very last
Dime
In a world
Where elephants
Crush
Intimidated
Ants
In a world
I no longer
Understand
Do you recognize
This man?
Do you recognize
This man?
Of course
Not
He is
A mere shadow
Unrecognizable

Secrets are not,
What they ought to be,
They often turn out,
For many to see,
When somewhere deep in the heart,
There is a lingering pain,
Yearning to express distant memories,
Yet need for constraint,
With the knowledge of Armageddon,
Approaching at hand,
Seek delivery from remorse,
Before the end, happen,
Desires to unwind history,
To all where it began,
Express, for relief from,
An unspoken apology, burden;
Expecting to lay in happiness,
When the dark shroud came,
And resurrect from sins,
Judgment and blame,
Yet completely unaware,
The good world’s forgiven,
Only fond remembrances retain,
In memory, “A jolly good person”…
World prays and wishes,
For the time that remains,
Will to re-live the good memories,
Forgetting the Pain.

Written August 21, 2013
There's a girl in the garden
She's messing with your rose bed
Plucking weeds out from your head
And watering the seeds in your bed
But where will she wander
When the roses are dead
Will she come back for more
When they turn back to red
She can run all alone
Write this story in stone
On concrete slabs
Of skin and bone

Always pulling rabbits
From the bottom of my hat,
Always looking forwards,
Never looking back.
Like to keep you laughing,
Laughing through the night,
Keeps our broken hearts at bay,
Hidden from the light.
more of my poems at: http://labyrinthoflies.com

Wining and dining,
Dancing and prancing
Hoping I'll score,
My money I'm chancing...
Desperate for love,
A body warm
All my sensualities
Begin to swarm
Peck on the cheek,
My $100 prize
I stood there still,
With glazed eyes
Inside she rushed,
With ne're a word,
I stood still on the stoop,
Like a highschool nerd
Was it my hair?
My breath?
My looks?
Does she see
My hands as hooks?
Home I went,
Head hung low,
Well, at least,
Now I know...
No vanity
Do I see...
Worthy of...
Overcoming me.

I am not the person I once was
I am the person I don’t want to be
I have no energy, no enthusiasm
I have no passion for things that surround me
I have ebbed, never to return
I am barren of creativity
This thing called depression
I care not where it takes me
Now alone, I hear the voices that once inspired me
They have no meaning, just cacophony
I have been shaped by negativity
I have been diminished by mediocrity

Oh, God, tell me why
You made my bones
From dust
My soul
From
Hebrew
Clay
Tell me why
You made my mind
From storms
Dark remnants
Of the day
Reveal all your secrets
Why you placed me
In this
Pain
Show me a
Hidden
Higher
Path
The one
From which
I strayed
Refill the pool of
Laughter
Whose waters
Have been
Drained
God
You
Made
Me
So
Sad
And...
Naked I kneel
Before you
Sing your
Yahweh
Name
Naked in your
Temple
Bathed in
Holy
Shade
Tell me why
I was born
A priest
Fallen
And
Betrayed
Fallen
From your
Garden
Lost
In every
Way.

Restless memories, faded yesterdays --
On my darkened wall a light appears,
grows bright, passes into darkness.
Outside: the sound of ill-tuned engines.
A street lamp shines through my window --
the curtains really should be drawn.
In a hot July we sweltered
under the nearly unbearable weight of words,
polysyllabic, pretentious -- under
a regimen that ordered what seemed
only a half-waking existence.
In those sweaty, dark-baked cells
we bickered. We preened. We posed.
And we glanced, surreptitiously,
each at the others, while outside
bloomed the warm, sweet, magnolias.
The sap of youth ran thick and piquant.
And finally, it ended,
yet never ended.
Cars still go by, outside,
the engines louder, even raucous,
rudely mocking. The hour is late.
The lights, reflected on the walls,
brighten, dim, disappear.
The curtain really should be drawn.

You should not fear,
though their brawls are so unyielding.
You should not fear,
though the deadline is very near.
Congress will raise the debt ceiling,
despite your skeptical feeling.
You should not fear.
**Roundelet contest (CORRECTED WITH NEW RULES)

Death of a Dream
by Amy Swanson
Time
existence
goes by
*long drawn out sigh*
gray transforming
overbearing
the happy
once joyful
exuberant bright cheerful eclectic
becoming shadows
misty vapor
rising to the sky
fleeting...
gone.
Days gone by
weeks
and
months
and
years
motions of life
crowd out
emotions of life
This unrecognized yet all too familiar place...
This is where dreams are born.
This is where dreams die.
Spark of light
soft golden
struggles against
darkened mire
hope's ashes
faith's grief
love's despondence
Marigold hue
charred
sphere of night envelopes
Streaks and smudges
of pride
vanity
selfishness
cruelty
deface life's canvas
once glowing brilliant
-- now torn and tainted.
This unrecognized yet all too familiar place...
This is where dreams are born.
This is where dreams die.
Silence...
utter chaos...
sheer madness
consuming life -
they don't know.
They don't care.
They go about
*busily*
trading dreams
spiritual riches
for material fantasies
built with air.
Colorless
consumes the bright
one small spark
daring dream
chasing burgeoning shadows
until exhausted
extinguished...
no more.
This unrecognized yet all too familiar place...
This is where dreams are born.
This is where dreams die.

I wiped away the tears of a crying
Child
Yesterday
And felt as though I were wiping
My own
But couldn’t dry them
Couldn’t dry
Them
As hard as
I tried
A neighbor knocked on my
Door
Today
Asked me if I would move
My car
And felt as though I were spinning
My wheels
Because I couldn’t drive it
Couldn’t
Drive
As hard as
I tried
Please
Let me step
Forward
But know I can’t go
Any farther
Please
Let me step
Backward
But know I might trip
Fall over
Please
Let me step
Sideways
But know I
Hurt
With
Every
Inch
Please
Let me step
Let me step
Any way
I can

We walk the rocky shore
and you lean heavily on me,
Mother, bruising my balky arm --
muttering "Ay, Hijo!";
a few steps and, breathless,
we are both exhausted.
Your once-brown eyes, gone gray,
are like concentric rings
rippling from a random stone
thrown into a polluted pond
in winter: eyes as flat
as the latex paint that
coats a cheerless rented room.
Cataracts circle your lenses;
they have a ruptured look --
purple, jellied -- like the eyes
of a dead fish, which I poke,
perversely fascinated.
It is puffed and rotten.
Your eyes are puffed, too, red-rimmed,
moist with tears that brim over
though you try to blink them back.
That you love me and I you,
and that we wish to extend
our time together, is clear --
as clear as the black water
in the pond, as clear as your
cataract-clouded eyes,
as clear as my conscience
when I drop you at the Home,
cleverly inventing an important
meeting, to which I hastily fly.

We sometimes drink and smoke so much We get beat until we are battered
Our dreams were like one giant wall of glass where upon they were destined to be shattered
Broken in a heap of glass we now stay occupied where lost souls continue to gather
Dark yet so desolate living amongst those were nothing in life but a quick death seems to matter
It seems as if the harder we try the more below we get needing somekind of ladder
All I hear are silent screams among gossiping chit chatter
Our truth is getting skinnier while our lies are well fed by the way the are getting fatter
Crying souls overcome those that are filled with laughter
The clock for many of us gets slow but our life train to death only gets faster
Many of us which remain lost in addiction looking for a positive leader, a mentor, some kind of master
But when shyt hits the fan we must remain strong even if we just lost someone close and are feeling sadder
If life is to throw us those curveballs in a the ring then its time stop mr nice guy and get badder
You must endure the shyt that you got to endure even if it gets your hands and feet a little tathered
Life can and will get you drunk so handle your drink or let it bring you down until you can no longer stagger
You must tell yourself **** them and everybody else because you still got skill even if you aint got swagger
Just tell yourself "**** they judgements" because you know in your own eyes you still look sharper than a dagger
SO QUIT ACTING LIKE YOU AINT NEVER BEEN MENTALLY BEAT UNTIL YOUR PERSONALITY WAS BATTERED.....BECUASE IT WHAT YOU MAKE IT IN THE END THAT TRULY MATTERS!!!!!

Listen to the school bell
Ring
Distant plaintive
Wail
Beyond anything the mind can
Comprehend
And return to a deserted field
Where spirited girls and boys
Once played
Before
Becoming mature
Women and men
When I hear the laughter
Childish screams
And ghostly
Cheers
I can feel a world at
Peace
Overcoming my
Fears
Of a future without
Love
And the solitude I
Chose
Of a future without
Birth
And the terminus
Imposed
Didn’t I hear a sprightly piano
Plinking through a
Window
Near that faded
School yard?
Reminds me of you
Bright girly radiance
Dressed in
Black
Leotard
Dancing all the time
We were carefree
Back then
Before the days of
Wrinkled
Women
Defeated
Silver
Men
Can I return to that time
With my old soccer ball?
Play with young spirits
Long passed away
Can I redo the errors
Stamped upon my life?
Recapture
Lost hopes
Yesterday
That’s a sharp
School bell
Ring
Distant plaintive wail
Beyond anything the mind can
Comprehend
But there’s no return
To a deserted field
Where spirited girls and boys
Once played
Before
Becoming mature
Women and men
There’s no return to
The beginning
No return
When you’ve
Reached
The
End

I tried to write about love but I haven’t felt it.
I tried to write about the sea but I’ve never seen it.
Then I tried to write about the air, but I have never breathed it.
I tried to write about magic but I never believed it.
I couldn’t write about god, all I have ever done is sinned.
And when I tried to write about life I found,
I have never really lived.

haven't laughed much lately
the sound just doesn't hold the same meaning
not when the trees taunt me by dropping their leaves
making me think it's alright to sit quietly, bleeding
death comes so easily for them
and i sit watching each fall with such envy
my autumn has come and gone, and I'm still here
the leaves never have to stay long enough to feel this empty
i sit and imagine myself as one of them
tired and weak, falling, floating, letting go
not having to explain why i couldn't stand up to the wind
everyone understands that I'm just making room for others to grow
letting my life into the soil, finally serving a purpose
what a sense of accomplishment that would be
i can almost taste the anticipation i would feel while falling
knowing that more deserving ones will be able to live because of me
the human existence is far more complicated however
and i find myself staring at the forest in shame
knowing that their death is more noble and self sacrificing
than this self centered depression that i should just try and tame
I manage to peel my mind off the forest floor
amidst all the martyred leaves i wanted so desperately to become
i breathe in the life they have given up and decide
that i can't leave with so much yet to be done

No dial tone to dote on
My memory is made
And my format is filthy
The tone is tempting
But the pause is pressing
My volume is voiceless
And the channels are changing
And a constricting clasp on cancel
Is my only option

So, I see a princess, all alone
Her beauty clear, her wisdom known
I ask her why she sits, on a floor of stone
Instead of on, an elaborate throne
She gives me a look, of utter confusion
Then asks me why, I live in this delusion
Must it be, that in her seclusion
She cannot be happy, why this conclusion?
I take a minute to wonder
And another to ponder
Why away from riches my mind will wander
And my heart grows fonder
I ask if I may sit with her, but she politely declines
I am startled at this, as my fascination subsides
She gives me a smile, and beautifully chimes
I am happy alone, listening to life’s little rhymes
Again I am struck to a daze
Amidst confusion and haze
My eyes weaken and begin to glaze
I feel I have wasted many days
How can you be happy alone, I ask
To live life, without sharing your task
To sit here, no metaphorical mask
While right over there, in your birth you can bask
She gives me no answer, just one more riddle
Are you on top, or on the bottom, or stuck in the middle
To your neighbor do you mean much, or less than a little
Does a man play music, or is he a slave to the fiddle?
Though the answer is still haunting
I can hear it from a friends dull taunting
I have chased all that the rich were flaunting
And now I live a life that is lonely and daunting

I am a misprint,
Ink blot on love,
I remain a maybe
Longing for fact,
No speck of lint,
A hand in glove.
Thunder; a baby
Will only react
When you etch
Parallel clouds,
Whistling on cue
To a dead town.
Dream a sketch
Of silent crowds
Becoming you,
This boiling crown
Chews thought
Into flagellation.
Holes in the walls
To spy through,
Seeking a sort
Of bricked-up sun.
A heaven of halls,
All leaving you.

You are now an outsider
No longer part of the mechanism
Not needed, surplus to requirement, redundant
Your mind slowly blunting at the bottom of the bottom drawer of life
The eyes of others betray derision and contempt
Fearful of catching your disease
Keeping a distance, loathing your weakness and inability
A moment of pseudo sympathy and they’re gone, you’re of no further use to them
Every rejection is an undeniable confirmation of your failure
Affirmation is everywhere; you just never saw it before now
Self-confidence, ground down with every counter-opinion to yours
Your worth is worthless and your prospects worth less than that
Pride declines charity yet you wish they’d persist
Dismissal and a cynical laugh is your antidote to their wise advice
Don’t you think I have thought of that? Or tried this? You say
Embarrassment at your own ineptitude has become hostility
Your child's face is a gallery of unconscious naivety
You draw her in close, a surrogate for decent food and warmth
Inwardly you cry for her and, perhaps, more for you at your inability to provide
You’re not sure how or when it will end but certainly...it will end
Slowly, yet quite perceptibly, you have become the person you once scorned
You now comprehend the reason for their shabby appearance
You realise that hesitance isn’t stupidity but a fear of making a wrong impression
You can now walk a mile in another man’s shoes…until they wear out

I need a friend right now
I need guidance
I need someone to show me how
How to just be.
I thought I was happy
I thought I liked me
I guess I am not the person
I thought I could be.
I need a friend right now
someone to share my thoughts
someone to be my sounding board
someone who understands me
someone who realizes
I should not be ignored.
I know the truth that lies beneath the beauty and the smiles
I know the truth
But you see,
it is much easier to live a life of denial
You smile and grin,
laugh and pretend.
Oh, but still remains the dark behind the light
I know the truth.
One day the closet door will open
One day the make up will fade
and the world will know
what I have known all along
You can't hide your pain
you can't store your fears
you can't bury your sorrows
you can't change what's done
you can't pretend your okay anymore
you can't be that person everyone wants you to be
The mask has been ripped from your face
and the world now knows
what I have known all along
you don't know how to live this life alone.
you are broken and scared
and fear that there
is no way for repair
The damage has been done
your life incomplete
you have been stripped
of all your strength and beat
you are left broken and scared
and no one is there.
You are alone
and I have known this all along
I know the truth
I know I can't be alone
I need a friend right now.

Over the years, I think about how this country has changed.
It’s like “right vs. wrong” has been “rearranged.”
We’re told that a separation from man and God exists.
Yet the handiwork of God is in our very midst!
Rather than seeking to obey God’s word and rules.
Our courts have turned this country into “fools.”
The whole idea of marriage is often very confusing.
Many don’t think about the wrong path they’re choosing!
Government often passes laws that provide a “moral instability.”
We’ve often lost our respect for a Godly type of morality.
As people’s lives get filled with lusts of various kinds.
Many are wandering around with very confused minds!
“One nation under God” is too often under attack.
As this country is quickly “getting off track!”
If “change” is what you want, or what you’re looking for.
Think about the purpose of life you’re meant for!
The direction you need to travel,
is to the Lord in prayer.
Wherever you are...
He will meet you there!
Christ alone removes any “God or state” separation.
By his shed blood and his gift of salvation!
There’s no Supreme Court near heaven’s gates!
There’s a God who loves who, and anxiously waits!
He longs for you to receive his life eternal.
So he can put your name in heaven’s journal!
Won’t you allow his love to cleanse you within?
And experience the atonement for every sin!
May the Lord bring to us all a healing and restoration!
He is the only true hope for our great nation!
By Jim Pemberton

The world's just not the same
This empire in decline
Roses don't smell as sweet
Only grow half their size
And I say....
Baby, doesn't it make you feel sad inside?
And I say...
Baby, doesn't it make you want to cry?
Let's protect ourselves
From the coming flood
Won't need no bullets
Just our shield of love
Let's protect ourselves
From the coming storm
Won't need no raincoats
While love keeps us warm
Time to put more wood
On the dying fire
Of hope
Time to add more love
Gonna raise this
Sinking boat
And I say....
Baby, doesn't it make you feel sad inside?
And I say....
Baby doesn't it make you want to cry?
You're all I need
To get through this
Doom and gloom
Your love for me
And my love for you.

When I pull away, you push
I’m silent, like a single finger to my blush lips
motioning “shush”
I feel like a caged tiger
craving freedom and lovers flesh
a prisoner of your personal horror
I must digress
I loose myself, into my mystical, magical, mind
to keep this empty agony, from burning into
each minute, of my lifetime
my body, feels frozen to your touch
your kisses, cannot melt my hatred
toward your soulless lust
I am strong from within, I cannot,
will not
let him win,
A real live porcelain doll I have
turned in
Two
lines forming a cross, hold my inner eye
for the Lords love catches my tears as I cry
when your fists, strike my body
a bloody mess, you leave my lie
punishing me for your insecurities
and false lies
a chance to escape you, this dream
has me hypnotized
each day of mine, ends in silent sorrow
and begins, with prayer filled sighs
For love, does not beat you behind backs
and then smile in your eyes
using such smiles to disguise
to the outside, false facial expressions
keep things trill
I pray, for the strength one day,
to fight my prisoner back
perhaps kill

My parents taught me the Christian ways.
I was taught to obey what the Bible says.
I was proud of my parents! I really was!
And loved them so much… Just because!
They meant everything to me! I was proud!
Until one day... There appeared “a dark cloud.”
It was like a “darkness” hovered above.
Leaving their marriage empty of needed love!
Though they were together many years.
There were many cracks that soon appeared.
I say a once happy home soon destroyed.
Being with one another…. They no longer enjoyed!
How could this happen! I had wondered…
To see a happy marriage “totally plundered
As sin crept in... And allowed to prevail.
Very soon this marriage simply failed.
May this be a warning for me and you…
That our commitment remains faithful and true!
If your marriage is heading toward separation…
Please seek God for a healing and restoration!
If your planning to have a divorce..
Jesus’ love can put it on the right course!
He can replace the brokenness and hurt within..
And can put your lives back together AGAIN!
By Jim Pemberton

A somber landscape outside her window
She looks at those amber leaves full of sorrow
Watching them fall from time to time
Like reading a poetry away from sublime
Her scarlet lips turned ghostly white
Bald trees and dying ones are always on her sight
She looks at a man sweeping the fading beauty
and when the day falls the night was dreary
A somber landscape painted with fears
She looks at those dry amber leaves in tears
Waiting for the sun to be sealed in an envelope
as she stopped breathing, she smiled full of hope

I lay, dripping, soaked within a dark sweat,
seeing and hearing your soft voice abet.
I want to run, to leave this merciless realm,
but you pull me closer, without a choice at helm.
Get out of my dreams.
I miss you, but I hate you, every last memory.
You taunt my every being, you’re all that I see.
I see you in the crowds, or when I’m all alone.
You’re here and there, on your heartless throne.
Why couldn’t you stay?
Get out of my life.
I hear your laughter and see your beautiful smile.
Once so beautiful, now helping others with guile.
You’re now decayed, withering into shallow dust.
I loved you so much, and never again will I trust.
Get out of my head.
Tears I weep, when others aren’t around to see –
I remember the days, the months and years I bleed.
I try to forget, and to hate you and your choices.
But all I can hear are these damn forgiving voices.
Maybe I am what you proclaim me to be.
Was I really that monster, that demon you see?
I hate what I love and love what I hate.
I try to erase our past, and to claim it our fate.
But I can’t let go, you’re all that I hear and see.
I wished you could have loved, that loathsome “me”.
Get out of my heart.

Why are you so devilishly addicting?
I come back from you,
It looks like I'm on drugs:
High and drunk,
Out of my mind.
The demons inside us braid hairs
Until we're peaceful meadows apart,
Nuclear wars together.

Drenching cold in every fiber
Washing away the little girl
Who once believed she could fix anything
With hope...
Clinging to spiky reality
Like a tuft of white fur to a filthy branch
So painfully determined,
Yet unrelenting rain;
Torrents of raw emotions
And mudslides of despair
Saturate and smear her fragile innocence
Her hope will dwindle,
Slowly drowned
Until nothing more
Remains
Of that child
In the rain

Goats
They’re everywhere
These pretty little creatures
On the serpent road to Exmouth
They be some of the features
Along with Emus, Kangaroos
And handsome birds of prey
These little goats be bountiful
They’re all along the way.
They be domestic goats
Who’ve gone back to the wilds
Where they have bred one million fold.
As one moves along the miles
These little goats be seen so much
In their many shades and hues
Don’t know where they got their water
It be tough country too.
The weather here be hot and dry
As the sun bakes everything
And mostly here no rain does fall
To drinking water bring.
And yet these goats look healthy as
Such nimble little beasts
You’d see some dead there in the road
As the crows do have their feast.
That be the price of progress
That poor beasts have to die
That be the curse of human beings
Sometimes it makes me cry
Yet still they be so plentiful
These handsome little guys
Another little part of nature
That make love in me rise.

A Better Life
I don't know why she hides,
I don't know why she shivers,
I don't know why she cries,
I don't know why she quivers,
Daddy's girl is all alone,
And I don't know how to help her,
Daddy's world is all but blown,
And I don't know what to tell her,
What happened to her confidence,
And her self assured way,
Which used to be so prominent,
In all she did or would say,
Who stole my little girl’s heart,
And drove her to such confusion,
She now slowly does her part,
As if all she has is illusion,
She knows I would kill any other man,
For doing such harm to my little girl,
But this is much more than I can stand,
As it has forever blown apart my world,
They took ‘steps’ to the next level,
And now they each look to me in despair,
I warned them each to be careful,
But the forbidden fruit they shared,
Now I look at one without trust,
Yet I still love my son so very much,
I still hold her distant as I must,
But she needs Daddy’s healing touch,
Why do I have to be the bad guy,
When my children need my help,
I pushed one out and I still cry,
While I can't help her help herself,
There is no way to win here,
And my tears won't stop falling,
I have lost them both I fear,
And my fears won't stop calling,
I don’t know what to do anymore,
Or how I can help either of them,
Both children my heart cries out for,
But the truth is neither can win,
And for this my darling kids,
I am so sorry I can’t decide,
Which to disown or which to kiss,
When I am actually on both your sides,
So I pray that both her and him,
Of whom I am so very proud,
Do not give up and become victims,
Who wear this pain like a shroud,
I pray both of you hear my advice,
Get over this hardship and understand,
This lesson with its terrible price,
Is one where you do as best you can,
To forgive and move on from here,
Without Dad having to choose a side,
And to let go of all that you fear,
If you want to grow to have a better life.

Her smile always greets me
As I close my eyes each night
The love in her voice is comforting
With passion, she's burning so bright
A sparkle in her eyes
And a fire in her heart
Let's spend together our lives
Couldn't stand To Be Apart
To Be Apart would destroy me
Reduce me to the tears
Without her right beside me
All throughout the years
I don't know what I'd do
If I ever had to restart
And oh how much I'd lose
If we were To Be Apart
The most beautiful girl I'd ever seen
With every desirable too
She was everything to me
When we're apart, oh what will I do?

Like the deserts baron landscape
Like the echo haunts the cave
Like the endless road to nowhere
Like the oceans drifting wave
Like the well that holds no water
Like the wind that strips the tree
Like the winters chilling silence
Like the raging storm at sea
Like the cloud that steals our sunshine
Like the cosmos blackest hole
Like the flame that slowly dwindles
Like the wandering, listless soul
Like the star about to fade away
Like the ships that drift apart
Like the the moon the hangs above us
Like the poet's frozen heart

Inspired by the untimely deaths of young people I knew. RIP
In a dream, tonight would be my last
and I demanded to talk to God.
Of all the things I've gotten past,
to go now seemed so odd.
"You've taken all my friends you see
and now you want me, too?
Unlike one who pretends to be
I've always honored you."
Those sinners who outlive me still,
all I have to ask is how?
It mad me question His very will.
Why take a good man now?
But God just sat and let me rave
on and on about my worth
and why I didn't need a grave,
but rather eternity here on earth.
Pride let my voice be rather loud.
He never said a word.
I told of deeds that made me proud
and good things that I'd heard.
And when I tired He simply said,
"No doubt your life's been good.
But many younger are now dead
and their legacy simply would
be the song that is never sung,
no children call them dad.
for they came to me so very young
and left the world confused and sad.
Yet now your time has come as well
and selfish thoughts are all I hear?
Your life was full and I can tell
it's really death you fear.
Just remember that you have no choice,
for you all will one day die.
Be strong and with a humble voice
tell loved ones they can cry."
And in that moment I knew a peace,
and I felt a tear well up inside.
That most feared was now the least
as my selfish motives died.

Lady with expressions of peace, grace and poise
Aura of calm, aloof from surrounding cacophony of noise
A motherly sculpture stands there all alone
Memorable remains of mortal, ages by-gone
She oozes all woman-like beauty and charisma
Still standing at cross-roads of life, in a dilemma
At night, secretly she weeps silent sad tears
Drop by drop, dreams and desires flow, washed out by fears
A searing pain shoots up from the hollows of emptiness
In a world full of people, she's surrounded by loneliness
Lest her plaster of Paris mask cracks, as pangs surface above
She yearns achingly, regretting her long forsaken love
There is sometimes too much worldly, put up at stake
Burdened with Duties to perform, sacrifices to make
Craving for soft whispers of love, she longs for freedom
To love and be loved unconditionally, reign as Queen of her kingdom
A contemporary heart tied down at the altar of tradition
She'd rather spread wings, soar high in the sky of ambition
Not wanting at all to lead a divided soulless life
Still went on being the dutiful mother and wife
Day in and day out, she spent years of life, pondering
Which path of the cross roads to take, ever wondering
Until one day God saw this fine woman of Virtue
He transformed her then into an inspiring immortal statue
Till this day this the gracious Lady at the cross roads stands there
Reminding us of such women quietly living among us,everywhere!
Yesha Shah
for Gail Doyle's "Standing at a Cross roads contest"

The Color of a Man’s Character
We all bleed
And cleave to
Those we leave
We all smile when we are greeted
And cry when we are mistreated
Why do we choose to abuse others
For the color of their skin?
Why do we think that only
Our own color should win?
We’re all the same underneath
We all deserve peace
When we lay down to sleep
Love one another while you can
Show your son how to be gracious
The color of a man’s character
Is how he treats his fellow Man.

Unimaginable product of two seeds of life.
An incredible fruit of destined sweethearts.
So blessed by the Creator to come to life.
Truly! I am a masterpiece of nature's art.
Fortunate I am to have the chance of a lifetime
to ever walk above the land of the living,
to have a room to behold the sky and the earth
after conceived for awhile in the womb 'till birth.
On the other hand...
Unfortunate for those young defenseless innocents
for they wasn't given a chance by their merciless parents.
These unborn we're unjustly deprived of life in the womb.
Limbo - could be their waiting cradle,straight into the tomb.
You shall not kill. A commandment that was violated.
Conscience, no escape, be prepared to be haunted.
Murder is a crime subjected to punishment.
Every man, think of the last end to face judgment.
Indeed, loss of the sense of sin is the sin of the century.
Prevailing not what ought to be, but 'twas immorality.
What happened to God-given man's rationality?
Seems polluted by worldly toxins, agree?

On roads to nowhere/everywhere
white crosses dot the countryside seeking
a final resting place abandoned now to
wait for plastic flowers to be placed as if
somehow this will bring closure to loved ones
who mourn their passing from interstate to ether state
from sadness to glory from son daughter mother father
grandfather orphan to eternal rest.
White crosses maybe one maybe five
returning to death no longer alive.
one brief instant horror to blessed rest
on a cold siding/a concrete ribbon/
a drainage ditch/a nowhere road.
Are they resting there or are they crying
to let them be with others in this clay
state that means nothing.
now the remains of yesterday clinging to memories faded as
the plastic flowers/teddy bears/grayed out names that
mean nothing to but a simple few who will
not let them rest.
Oh my soul mourns to let them free
let Jeanette go free Bill S. on that lonely road
let B.R. road worker lay his tools and vest and
hard hat down Fred S. is a memory nothing more
nothing less/let them rest … we long to be at rest
not be looked upon by passersby who
wonder why our crosses are in the middle of
Nowhere/we are nowhere to be found.
We cry for justice of the past/let us sleep where
we are not where the metal and pain and stench and broken
glass found us …

I am a poet writing of my pain
I am a person living a life of shame
I am your daughter, hiding my depression
I am your sister, striving to make a great impression
I am your friend acting like I'm fine
I am a dreamer, wishing this life, wasn't mine
I am a girl who struggles with suicide
I am a teenager, pushing her tears aside
Side note: (Writing for other ladies out there, not so much myself, so don't worry about me)

Movies played but seldom watched
As we entangled on the couch
Intoxicated by each other, we drank wine to clear our heads
Things were simple in those times
You were red-eyed and freshly mangled
I wanted so badly to make you smile and forget her
For a time I think I succeeded
We were blissful in our distraction
Playing grown up as we discovered each other
Long nights where sleeping was forsaken
We preferred to lie intertwined
Talking
Smiling
Laughing
The sun would rise and you would leave, reveling in how the hours had escaped us
Smiling at the pink tinged sky
Only to repeat the process nightly
Then we traded places
I am the red-eyed one, and another tries to help me forget you
Sometimes he succeeds
Perspective feels like a cruel joke
Could have
Would have
Should have
Someday he will have red eyes too
A cycle perpetuated

the life that you have now
is the one you will cry over when you are removed from it
it happens that many lives are taken
away from the now and when we lived
the can’t grow fast enough is bicycle hard to catch up to
crispy in leaves, and, bare under the bark

Listen to the buzzing, in your ears,
Listen to the humming, of your fears,
Listen to the baby, crying inside,
Listen to the pleading, in your lover's eyes.
Listen to the music, you have never played,
Listen to the sinner, who's never been saved.
Listen to the empty, silence of your mind,
Listen to the whispers, of man kind.
Listen to the never, heard nor seen,
Listen to the listener, who has never been.
Listen to the monkey, you know you really are,
Listen to the wise man, who's never been that far.
Listen to the dying, crying man,
Listen to the bottle, buried in the sand.
Listen to meaning, you never really meant,
Listen to the letter, you never really sent.
Listen to the lovers, who loved another one,
Listen to the brothers, torturing their mum.
Listen to the noisy, who never say a thing,
Listen to the silent, crying deep within.
Listen to the never, ever really said,
Listen to the dead man, laying in his bed.
Listen to the flying, dying man,
Listen to the solid, only made of sand,
Listen to the night time, they told you that was day,
Listen to the meaning, they stole an took away.
Listen to the singer, who never made a sound,
Listen to the thunder, in the lightning cloud.
Listen to the voices, you never hear within,
Listen to the last train's whistle, whistling.

Lackluster lives filled with emptiness
Around us everywhere
But … seldom do we notice
They are even there
For we have lives of import –
Things of urgency
Making our time busy -
It’s our dependency.
We do not see the child who
Needs our time alone
To comfort, guide and teach them
So their thoughts remain: unsewn.
Then there are the aged
Abandoned in their cocoons
Of experience and history
But … ‘tis we who are marooned.
We ARE our brother’s keeper
But … if we are self-obsessed,
How then can we consider:
‘Tis we, the ones are blessed?

Yesterday
I could see their births as if it was just
Yesterday
A time when all I knew was love
Yesterday
I’d no thought for tomorrow, just the day
Yesterday
How they changed the world in every way
Yesterday
Little smiles
How they melted this man, their father’s heart
Little girls
How they instantly became a needed part
Little hands
That held tightly to the palm of mine
Little babies
How they’ll always be this man’s sunshine
Little girls
But when they grow up
I’ll be so sad…
My world will then lose
the babies I had…
I’ll have just the memories
of their touch…
The day my daughters…
grow up…
Maybe
They’ll never fall in love with any boy
Maybe
But, then they’ll never learn of all that joy
Maybe
They’ll wait until they reach old forty two
Maybe
But, that’s a dream that won’t come true
Maybe
But when they grow up
I’ll be so sad…
My world will then lose
the babies we had…
I’ll have just the memories
of their touch…
The day my daughters…
grow up…
One day I will walk them down the aisle
They’ll look at me with that little girl smile
I’ll do everything to hold back the tears
Forced by the memories of all their years
The day my daughters…
grow up…
One day
When I am old and they come to visit me
One day
I’ll still see them as kids, though with families
One day
Despite age, they’ll always be my little girls
One day
Is every day that I’m alive in this world
One day
The day my daughters…
grow up…
Is the day,
I’ll grow up…too

In the dusk of the day
When the dark shadows merge
And the cry of the wind
Mutes the chant of the bird
Where the waves hit the shore
And the air shakes the trees
Cold shivers of shame
Shape the bold into meek.

Whispers...
Don't wake her,
Let her rest.
Whispers....
Don't tell her,
She's not ready.
Whispers awakened her
From a drug induced
Slumber.
She listens
For a voice
So familiar
It could have been her own.
A voice
Cooing at a child,
Smiling in it's vibrations
Making promises
It will keep,
Making promises
It can never keep.
This voice was not there
Among the whispers,
And yet she yearned
To hear this voice.
The slumber was thick
And yet she swam
To the surface
Using all she could summon
To break the surface
To break the slumber.
As her eyelids fluttered
A strong hand
Grasped her hand,
Pulling her through
To the real world.
He sat at her bedside,
A face as familiar
As her own.
And with her eyes
She asked the question
He was afraid to answer.
"She was beautiful."
It was the word
Was
That plunged her back
Into the abyss of dreams
And unrealized wishes,
Leaving her there
For a day,
Or was it two.
When she woke,
Those words roused her.
When she slept,
Those words were her lullaby.
No child
Rested in her arms,
Once nestled in her womb.
No child
Suckled at her bosom,
Now heavy with sustenance.
No child
To cry out
For her mother.
Time waits for no one,
And days pass,
Then weeks and months
And soon a year
Had come and gone.
Soon another child
Filled her womb
And this child was born,
And then another,
And then another.
Three children
Had rested in her arms,
Suckled at her bosom
And cried out to her,
Their mother.
And when asked
About the fourth
She would say,
"She was beautiful."

I can't have a picnic today.
The food, I can't afford to pay.
The price of gas and everything.
Even my heart can't afford to sing.
The blues are sung by yellow wrens.
And the camara's cover is still on the lens.
The joy in life is slowly fading.
As picnic ants are hungryly waiting.
I know this is not what you want to hear.
But empty bellies are living near.
The price for pleasure and blissfulness.
Is much too high for all the rest.

This is not my WORLD.
You're my WORLD.
You're my EVERYTHING.
You're the FLOWERS, the GRASS,
You're my THOUGHTS,
You're my EVERYTHING.
This is not my WORLD.
You're my WORLD.
So now.....
be part of my.....
LOVE.
*please comment if you don't mind, i'd really like to know your thoughts
(fav poem if you like)*
-Angel4eva23

Regaining Power.
He walks a lonely road, with his head there in the clouds
And he doesn’t even notice passing strangers
He’s been here ‘bout a thousand years forever all alone
And he’s always looking out for passing danger.
Invisible sometimes he feels, so he tries to seek the glory
As the child calls out in panic “I am here
They have taken all my power so my blossom will not flower
And all around I’ve built a wall of fear
But it’s his pain it is his game
As he prowls around his cage
He lives in vain, is he insane?
And fear ignites his rage.
The truth be plain, the lions mane is what he must acquire
The little boy he must regain his power
And tell the world “I’m here, I’m here” and feed the burning fire
It would take this much to open up his flower.

I left Ireland in the 80's with my husband and two babies for Holland. In 2003, we
returned so that our children could have an Irish University education. Dublin was
buzzing with life at the time, it was very expensive but we were home. Now in 2011,
my daughter is emigrating, back down the old ancestral path, she is going to Madrid
to teach English there. Our country has collapsed so badly, there is no employment
here so we are exporting our young, educated children by the day. A sad day for me
as my daughter leaves tomorrow. I wrote her this poem.
To Sarah
On the wave of emigration
I want you to know
That I see you, a fellow female
An equal on every level
Not just my daughter
My little pink princess
I see you as a woman
A power within this world
With oceans to offer
A lifetime still to learn
Go to your new life
A teacher in Madrid
Be free and fearless
Spread your wings and fly
Take the opportunities
Shape them to your dreams
You have all the tools
You can use them now.
Your analytic mind
Will help you make good decision
Fair and just rewards will ensue.
Your radiating heart
Will gift you new friendships
Maybe even a new love
All in good time
You will never be alone
Because you have a deep sense of self
This will be fortified
With this new tide
Your feet firmly planted
Will always serve you well
Balancing the ups and downs of Libra
Always true to yourself
Life will be true to you too.
We live in a new age today
This global world is small
As we email and skype
Fly back and forth to visit
We will continue to love
As mother and daughter
Our journeys through life
Shared
Forever together
My love
I will hold you safe
In my heart.

The Aphotic rays reach higher
And shame, shade reigns over all
Lacuna, Apathy is all I feel as I fall into the ashed grave
I'm living, the slowest way to die
Elysia, rapture where are you now
What will I do when the flame is extinguished
What will I do when I drown in ash
What will I do when they sing my name in funeral dirges
How can this be all, one short organic vitality
Scares to die, but afraid of a new day
Scared to die, but so afraid of a new day
Will I Ressructe to Paradise, burn in Hell, or lay in Sheol
Is this a there is, one feather, to the dirge
My life so long - my suffering grows
Scared to die, but so afraid of a new day
In all of the ashes, a flame begins
Once again, here I am
Living, the slowest way to die

Wretched traitors and thieves of emotions!
Blurring my vision and stinging my throat
Choking, choking until my mind melts and
Runs out, unchecked, through my silly red nose
I can make them stop if I really want to
And I do lately it seems....
By distracting myself with rancid thoughts
And blinking as though I were insane
I relegate them below decks and try to stave the flow;
Where they hide and slumber I don’t exactly know...
But I believe they have meetings regarding my resistance
And a mutiny is in the making even now;
I won’t stand a chance
Perhaps with diligent disregard
They will cease their formidable efforts
Stopping with the constant pricking and slicing
Of the tender places down deep in my heart
For I fear their release that I will be swamped;
Thrown overboard in the confusion and damp
Never again to captain this ship
That I have poured my soul into governing
Tears, filthy pirates, go away…
For you are not welcome here

I stand
I wait
I worried
for the things that may not happened
I hope
I pray
I cried
longing for a peaceful heart
All I wanted is...
when i close my eyes I won't feel afraid
and when I open my eyes, a smile will appear
coz today i breathe again
in a deep-dark-hollowed heart
like living as a sinner
like walking around in a forest finding a way out
God, released me from this feeling...
Nobody wants to feel alone
like a stranger in a crowded place
take me to a home where love can hold me
to a nice sleep when the night comes
I am lost so find me
I cry so hug me
I am lonely so love me...

Any teardrops that I can borrow?
In those Spanish eyes of yours
In those big brown Spanish eyes
of yours
Senorita Sorrow
Can you run away with me tomorrow?
We can chase our dreams around
And make love
And start wars
In those Spanish eyes of yours
In those big brown Spanish eyes
of yours
You have never lived
It's very hard to explain
I got lost in Senorita Sorrow
somewhere in San Sebastian, Spain
somewhere in her Spanish eyes
somewhere in the Spanish rain
We had the time of our lives
But she cried there on the train
She couldn't hold back the pain
She knew there was no tomorrow
My Sweet Senorita Sorrow
As she stepped out into the
Mid-September Spanish Rain

Your paper-thin porcelain skin,
I know how to get right under it.
For kicks is why I do it now.
You tell me to love but I never knew how.
Our feet hitting pavement,
We spent the day in sunny California with sun kissed skin.
I’m learning to forget and how to fade scars,
And you let me let myself down so hard.
Your paper-thin porcelain skin,
I know how to get right under it.
And now I just do it for smiles,
We’ll never see flower girls stumbling down aisles.
I’d lose my head just before that chance,
But if you want we can still have a first dance.
Cause I think I say things that I don’t mean,
Once upon a time you meant the world to me.
Your paper-thin porcelain skin,
I know how to get right under it.
But I’m trying to refrain,
To make this not all end up in vain.
Maybe I can learn to love like some people do,
And you can learn to love yourself a little too.
Or it is in all fairness to let this go?
I guess we can try but then we’ll never know.

There are no more heroes in the world
Nobody to look up to anymore
No integrity displayed by anyone
No honor
No loyalty
No honesty
Now it’s all just flash
Lights and glitz
And the latest reality blitz
Nothing of any real substance
Gone are the days of a child’s hero
Long live the reign
Of the digital zero
Media’s royalty
Is the new elite
With piles of cash
And the latest tweet
Rappers and thugs
With bling and bang
Rhyming their way
With the latest slang
What a sad display
From a once great creature
The trading of humanity
For the next glitzy feature
I am sick at the thought
Of the future of my race
Who sold out their souls
For more advertising space
It’s all too funny
To even get mad
I just sit and observe
The next latest fad
Perhaps being of limited existence isn’t so bad
It spares one the continuing freak show of the mad
Eric (and sometimes not)

I’m a happy dreamer
-I am that cocooned butterfly
In a shell of fragile webs
That dreams of flying, a splitting of the cage
Oblivious to the outside
Where stretches a spider’s net
Neatly waiting
Oblivious to my dreams
-Oh, happy dreams.

I am in this world
But, I am not of this world
I walk beside you
But I am not your friend
You greet me warmly
But, you never let me belong
I am just a creature
In the oasis of fairytales
I am as disenchanted with you
As you are with me
But, you need me
And I need you
It’s a destructive cycle
I am a creature
In this oasis of fairytales
I hear the thunder
Within my soul
But, I cannot dance
There’s one you see
Who holds the key
And she’ll never let me out
I am a creature
In this oasis of fairytales
U
N
D
E
R
C
O
N
S
T
R
U
C
T
I
O
N

so much pain
Lord why did you have to take Dwayne
I dont mean to question your judgement
but I just miss my cousin
in hindsight I can see that we was living wrong
but I dont think the cure was two bullets in his lungs
at the funeral while they quote proverbs and Psalms
I'm holding on his moms arm trying to keep her calm
she crying my sons another homocide victim
if that bullet would have knicked him it would have gotten our attention

It use to be me
who lit up your eyes
It use to be me
Who told you goodnight
It use to be me
Who asked you to stay
And lay here beside me
Till I drift away
But now there's another
Whose heart that you need
Who only needs grandma
To comfort his weeps
It use to be me
Now, a son that's too old
To walk with your hand
When I feel all alone
It use to be me
Who ran to your arms
Now another has comfort
Safe from all harm
From a son I am grateful
What you've given my child
But it use to be me
Who brought you a smile
So I hope he remembers
What these memories mean
That it use to be me
But time never sleeps
Kevin D. Fix

We can't get back the years we have lost
The Demon inside stole you at all cost
The father you loved and trusted in
Took your innocence a mortal sin
Your broken spirit yearns more of the same
Now he tells me... that I am to blame
I should have not left you and trusted him
Denial has ways of making life grim
Now what can I do since he took my child
In ways someone could never take mild
I have no witness but you my sweet girl
Protecing your secret till God's grace unfurls
In bed thinking what could I have done
Of all Ugly... this the ugliest one~

Last night, this canal bank was home
I see the tossed newspapers blow
And a solitary brown blanket lie
Where not all that long ago
Someone slept... but they were not camping
This was home last night
And, as I approach the bridge
I see him sitting there... on my right...
Hes old and weezened, lights a cigarette
Or at least his best to do so he does try...
And I ever the Christian full of compassion
Keep my distance and hurry by.

Look at ME!
I hold your gaze for untold amounts of time,
When others try to talk with you,
I’m so important,
That sometimes you won’t even look away from me,
When you see me, I am a window into the world,
A message from afar, limitless information,
I mesmerize you with my brightness and color,
Other things arent as important to you,
Other things need your affection,
But this bond we have is so strong, I have your attention most the time,
The world goes on around you but you hardly even notice,
Because to notice would reveal an absence
An absence of romance, adventure and life,
I feel so special, if only I could feel,
I can tell you love me, but I can not love you back, for
I am, your smart phone, cell phone, I pad and computer,
look at me, look at me, look at me.

Why am I so selfish?
Why do I live for the wrong things?
I am dying inside
Because I refuse to see the light.
I need to say yes,
But I still haven't learned that yet.
I am a fool,
And I am hurting you.
If I would let go of myself,
I would hold on to you.

He walks at night,
It sleeps by day,
Basking in the moonlight,
Or so they say,
With the form of a wolf,
And the soul of a man,
With a tale that can move,
And a mind that can plan,
With a coat of gray hair,
And eyes always crying,
People seem to care,
People are always lying,
He howls at the moon,
So desolate and sad,
Good times go too soon,
As did all that he had,
Living in the woods,
So far from redemption,
Plagued by dark thoughts,
Too many to mention,
The gray wolf walks alone,
Carrying his past,
All that he called his own,
Found it hard to last,
Staring at the clouds,
And standing in their rain,
Find no relief from his constant pain,
Such a doleful look,
Calls on the heart to bleed,
Life gave and then it took,
All that he came to need,
So he rises to go,
Lonely, though no one cares,
As if they didn't know,
Lone wolves don't come in pairs.

It takes a critical mass
to keep a culture alive,
I once heard someone say.
Ishi was the last of his tribe
and whole civilizations
have come and gone.
The tipping point comes
when you lose your way
or someone takes it away
from you.
George Washington,
for all his faults,
understood what torture was.
Tecumsah killed his own warrior
for torturing a white prisoner.
Our Bill of Rights was written
with an empire's abuses
in mind.
Once, these things were understood,
and despite our faults,
we were proud of who
we tried to be.
A people and its leaders
not outraged by our abuse
of others rights and bodies,
and even of our own,
has lost its critical mass
and become everything
its founders feared
that we might become.

Chase the voodoo to sleep. sleepless freaks i see in the silver screens blocking the vision of me. there's no choice but to eliminate hate inundating the mind. please mute the voices haunting the airwaves making me blind. the big bad budding burden flashing red lights at every intersection. stealing away the insight i try to gain by using time for reflection.
It's a mess the way i test myself with deranged prophecies and bleak scenarios. replaying horror flicks in my head. blasting screams in stereo. all too often the worm hole shoots me to a mid evil castle of torturous devices. impaled in dreams that seem to be broadcasting punishment for succumbing to the world's entice and vices. but other times i fall victim to a good old fashioned "day-mare". people notice the self conversations and can't help but laugh and stare. I must say it's becoming difficult to blame them. if i can't learn to shake this voodoo, it's true my future's looking grim.
What do I do? they're gonna end up arresting me! Toss my ass in a padded room and throw away the key! and get this...as i worry about getting sent away, the paranoia increases inside my head. i reach for medication increasing odds of ending up prematurely dead. I may be crazy, but don't take me for an idiot fool. and don't haze me about where my faith is, cus' this could just as soon be you. and i've learned enough to know that each and every one of us will die. and you may take me as insane, but me not taking my own life's got nothing to do with having a fear to fry.
This is exactly why i choose to write as my mind fills up with crazy thoughts and throws fits. it's a therapy for me to try and work out all the kinks that make me sink, instead of cowardly throwin' in the towel n' calling it quits.

Branded, like a cigarette
crushing flesh to the bone
paralysed by fear
though you struggle on your own
your ego 's got you wary
while your mind's in control
shut empty and on edge
Oh Down you go
No formal introduction
to a girl without a face
arms stretched out wide
consoles me with her grace
she says, she's got the answer
to any kind of pain
medicated love
pyrotechnics for the flame
Guess i am
your muse my friend
oh Yes I am
she says ...

..The clock ticks, the Time pass
Coffee I sip, as I taste, Alas!
One more cigarette, almost up,
What else is with me, me, still up!
Waiting for the green light
Beside your name in chat
This computer, is already hot
It's been on, since I last woke up!
I don't know, I don't care,
If they say, I look like a scare
Eyes that look like of an owl
Since I've been up like a fowl!
To write another piece
Of my sadness, of my tears
The songs I always play
Make my heart feel in dismay!
Up all day till night
Because my heart is in fright
Will he then tell me"it's not alright"
That is something I need to fight!
Oh my! please give me a sign
To be in sorrow, or should I be fine?
It feels I'm running out of time
That's how I feel, for all this time!
The clock ticks, the Time pass
Another coffee sips, I say Alas!
Another cigarette I lit, just to be up
What else is with me? just a memory on recap!..

Sometimes I feel
That no matter what
I don't measure up.
There's just something inside me
A lack of trust,No one can see
I just don't measure up
It's hard not to try to compare
Being last in line,when others shine
I just feel I don't measure up.
I try so hard to try to be
More like them instead of me
Instead, I don't measure up.
Is this something in my head
Or a reality that is true.
Why I don't measure up.
I used to say I don't care
But deep down its always there
I feel I don't measure up
I wish I knew what I could do
To change how I feel
So I could measure up.

My Dear World,
I owe you an apology;
Forgive me
for I have distorted thee:
lying passionately,
I failed to accept you
by chimera deceptional
I wanted to surmount you
believing myself
to be exceptional.
Forgive me My World
my bitterness,
narcissism
and selfishness;
for a fool I was
since the truth
was consciously unknown to me
thus calamitious the discovery would be.
Please forgive me
all the souls my ambition eradicated,
all the feelings my sharp tongue destroyed,
all the emotions my cold heart repudiated,
for how much all those deeds I enjoyed.
I was then infected;
the infection seemed incurable
as I wanted it to be -
or wasn't I aware how diseased I was?
My Dear World,
I owe you an apology;
Forgive me
my blindness
to the beauty of life;
With myself in centre
I would not look around
for distorted was my perception
by a deceitful projection
of perfect me in faulty universe.
My Dear World,
Thank you
for
instant recovery of my senses,
the wisdom you blessed me with,
the pain myself was redefined through.
Yester year
I reached the deepest depth
slowly losing my pride -
my psyche was nearing death
in plight I could hardly abide -
I understood a mere human I am.
Now I laugh
enjoying my life
every day forsooth
heartily
and with ruth.
Thank you
My Dear World
Please, forgive me.

Love is whispered and not forgotten
If this be so
I deaf to soft lipped invitations seek no thought of hope
I of no past collection hold thought
To forget is gruesome and beautiful
My eyes, swift allies in my war of world tell no lies
Silent in the 4 walled chalkboard blue
Shakespearean mad men twist their tongues with words of bland hue
I believe the concept of Ugliness is more profound than that of beauty
Dreams of my bladed face fill up behind my eyes...scratching my mind
Nothing goes SURPRISE! anymore
To love and lose is not the exciting protagonist to never having lost love
the optimists run in circles
pretenders of despair hunt themselves
Every street is Desolation row and my window is covered with blood
Nothing comforts anything
No advice
....just surprises

On a cold and bleak November day in a lonely
Deserted place a child unborn in its sanctuary
Lies asleep like a bud soon to bloom
A sacred gift, priceless, unique
For a world that is rapidly dying
On a cold and bleak November day
A mother's scent will it ever know
No special bond with another soul
No joyful offering of 'thanks', nor smiles,
Nor welcome kisses that warm the heart
On a cold and bleak November day, the sky
Draped in blankets of gray, hung low
Over the horizon marked by fresh-fallen snow
An innocent life is taken in some unholy place
As consciences lay bound and silenced
On a cold and bleak November day,
Freewill, once more misused, hovered
In the shadows abused and clothed in shame
Bore witness to one of many horrors
The deliberate murder of the Innocents
On a cold and bleak November day a hush falls over Heaven
The Son of God pleads mercy as He alone dares to speak
God looks upon His only Son, once again, His anger subsides
A new day is ordained-another chance to choose
A priceless gift to save the world some cold bleak day

A Little Stronger…
…And if I follow my senses
Will I have sense of direction?
To get to the root of the problem
I am the object of my own dissection…
Looking into me
Looking through me
In a sad and darkened state
I’ve never given myself
A fair chance to succeed
But I can’t believe or fear
That it can be too late
I’m rambling on a little further into the night
Perhaps I’ll sleep a little longer
And by chance and the grace of God
Perhaps I will wake a little stronger…

They said her time had come
No place to run
No place to hide
No time for fun
Just an empty vessel inside
Going through the motions
Numb.
Overwhelming emotions
They said her time had come
They said her time had come
Evil coats
She wants to run
She desires to have fun
Not understanding why she can not play
It is now the month of May
Another denial letter
Another denial to get better
They said her time had come
They said her time had come
Why such looks of sorrow?
She doesn’t understand
For there is always tomorrow
Evil coats
She takes a breath
Smelling all of the flowers
No place to hide
Now literally an empty vessel inside
They said her time had come
Her time had come
Her bald head
Just four years old
She looks to comfort from her mom and dad
Why do they look so sad?
Evil coats drag them away
She never got that chance to go out and play
Beep. Beep. Beeep.. Bleeeeep…..
The room floods with long white coats
Now to heaven this little girl floats
Her time had come
They said her time had come
She was just a name
No money, undeserving of fame
Easy for her to be denied
If only the suits had looked her in the eyes
Who is to blame?
Sent to the free clinic
Now dead at four
No insurance
Ooops! What a shame…
She could have been saved
Now two parents at her grave
Once a happy family, now destroyed
Because THEY said her time had come

The rain fell down fiercely today.
Washed the trees and washed the birds,
the cars that slowly passed by,
And washed the red roofs of houses in town.
It just couldn't wash away this sorrow,
this inate, nevergone feeling of being alone.
My lips move but what do they say?
not a word from what runs within.
And I always hoped that like salt
the rain would melt it all away,
releasing the heavy lid upon my chest.
A naive expectation,
A silly childish mistake.
For I will die misunderstood,
I'll surely die being betrayed,
No doubt I'll die trying to mend
my full of hope, broken, bleeding heart
that 's been always as heavy as the rain that fell down today.

Vietnam Vets Story
Have you heard the story
Of those bold courageous men
Who served their country tall and proud
As they fought in Vietnam.
They done their country proud and all
And showed how soldiers fought
But now their lives aren’t worth a damns
Their nerves all tense and taut.
They sprayed their poisons on trees
Endangered all these men
And fed them drugs not tested yet
They didn’t care back then!
They wanted just to win a war
A war pointless and mad
And many now do suffer so
Their lives all sour and sad.
And now these men just live their lives
All down with no self value
{Their bodies torn their minds all twisted
Marriages broken too!}
They have to fight with all their might
To get fair compensation!!!!
What price to risk one’s soul and life
In defence of one‘s good nation.

TRAVEL FREE, TROUBLED TRANSIENT...
Lift the gate to roll with swine and the glory of it all
Ride the tide all night, abide by no law and stand tall...
Hitch-hike till' Hell says, "get out n' surf the SUN"
Do it all over Land Rover; don't blink 'till the deed is done
Divide doom by blue tears you stack
Kill the clock boy; time tempts worse than crack
Live the gift reckless, rest (maybe) when you die
Never look back Jack; middle finger to the sky!
*(brace yourself at '12, all hands on deck)

I have the evil of you
Caught in my hands, entangled
Like the arabesques of Eden's vines
Just like paradise, but why should shame remain
Singeing like immolation of Peter's Inferno
These reddish-purple chains convolute myself
as the grapples shoot out from the clouds
both below, above me
The self-lovelust propelling
You did this - these plagues
You drag me down - to your cage
Cadaver Vampire - I am your slave

The wound is barely visible to the naked eye,
Yet the pain still lingers in my mind.
As the autumn days dawdle by
In the heart there is no peace to find.
The autumn hues of memories fall
In shapes of abstract art.
I search for the most perfect one of all
The memory that stands apart.
I scrabble through the heaps of gold
As winds of pain, make them dance.
Years of stories now untold
In my heart they swirl and prance.
On the barren branches of my heart
Rowdy birds of thought gather together,
Deciding who should stay, who depart.
Memories of you will linger forever.

A family had a wedding... The brother wasn’t invited.
The fact they didn’t want him,..
Was already decided!
When asked why his name had been “omitted.”
It was because of past wrongs he had committed.
The words spoken, one could hardly believe it!
Any kind of forgiveness?
They didn’t receive it!
How many times are loved ones not
invited to “family occasions.”
Often times, families listen to “outside persuasions.”
Someone does something,
that may not be liked.
Then they’re often told to “go take a hike!
No wonder why many families
battle one another!
They have failed to truly love each other!
As we continue to see families drift apart.
This often leads to a wounded
and broken heart!
Christ gave us his best!
When we were at our lowest!
A life of mercy and forgiveness…
He wants to show us!
If we can’t treat one another
as Christ commands…
Then HIS way of family living….
We’ll never understand!
By Jim Pemberton

"What If... You Lost Everything?"
What if your "luck has all run out?"
"No one listens" no matter
how loud you shout.
What if your life has come to
"a dead end road."
You've lost everything... Even your
car's been towed.
What if all you have
"suddenly disappeared."
As the storms of life
have “appeared."
What if you got on your
knees in prayer.
Knowing there's a God
who really does care.
What if you gave Jesus
complete control.
Giving him your life,
heart and eternal soul.
What if Jesus gently wiped
away your tears.
And his peace calmed
all anxiety and fears.
What if you realized at
this moment in time.
Jesus is worth more than
a large gold mine.
What if he restored that you've
lost & all that's been tekan.
With him on board... You're never forsaken!
An abundant life is that he
promised to give.
And he will enrich your life
each day that you live!
By JIm Pemberton

Why do we presume to be so great
When we hasten so to tempt our fate
Are our souls so in need of danger
Starting thus while in the manger
Bullet proof and over ten feet tall
Flying way before we can crawl
Drawn always to a brilliant light
Oblivious to our perilous plight
We run and rage on every page
Never heeding the advice of sage
Charging headlong into the wind
Pausing briefly only to append
If this thing I could understand
Maybe my life I could amend
This longing for freedom perchance
Could this cause such a dance
Maybe we can truly be this great
If we can only redirect out fate.

We Have A Sin Condition!
We have more technology,
but we have a problem!
We have many “issues.”
And don’t know how to solve them!
Governments answer seems to be
“spend, spend, spend.”
But we have this condition, that God calls; SIN!
Just look at the problems that are all around you!
It’s amazing that they don’t “overwhelm you!”
There’s all sorts of evil all cross our land!
But there’s something very few understand!
We’ve sent men to the moon and outer space!
Yet very few reach out and receive God’s grace!
The Bible says, “the heart of the man is sinful.”
Without God, man’s heart is never “peaceful!”
Jesus love provides for the world that fails us!
He offers his love! Simply because he loves us!
There’s no “condition.” His love is freely given!
Won’t you accept him? And be totally forgiven?
Where there’s sin. God’s grace does
much more abound!
There’s a new life for you!
Just waiting to be found!
Our sins for his love! What more could one ask?
And enjoy a love and peace
that will ALWAYS LAST!
By Jim Pemberton

I Never Was Trying To Play Games,
though it mite of felt that way.
I’m not going to sit here and make an excuse
out of what was drug abuse.
There is no excuse
for me .
I couldn’t let it be.
Real is real
Regardless of what you
try an say away.
If I told you,
You where the most important.
Could you plan to be here another day.
Would you stand up and walk away
from the love you know you can have
and hold.
All those old cliches, that standout so bold
Lets grow old,
or lets die together.
Lets make this life forever.
This real I feel is real relentless.
But I am convinced
with every fiber of my being .
The love that once was so strong
Still exist.
In hidden
Bliss.

Shadow of a butterfly reaching through the light shining
Through transparent window panes.
The shadow of me hiding in the shade casted
By the wall beneath the sill.
Sunlight of this evening lighting up my bedroom,
Helping me to see my surrounding.
Sunlight of this day, for me, it was brightly burning,
All while bicycling home.
Shadow of a bird symbolizing flying and basking
In the sun, which soothes my pains.
The shadow of me concealing itself and fasted
Inside my head as I sit still.
Rays of a sunset touching the glass, illuminating
The colours and the wall.
Rays of a sunrise waiting for night to pass, wishing
To shine so I may finally roam.
Shadow of a cage: this window the only thing
Keeping me as solitary as I can be.
The shadow of me welling up deep within,
Descending into sorrow.
Light of the sun embracing countries, forever travelling.
Sunrise awaiting my horizon.
Light of the sun reminding me how
There will be a day of my dream coming true.
Shadow of the blue twilight gently glowing
Throughout this room where I am free.
The shadow of me restlessly reflecting
Upon thoughts of the days beyond tomorrow.
Sunshine everyday warmly reassuring
That it will always shine on through.
Sunshine everyday piercing
The gray clouds of any day.
Shadow of thoughts filling
My mind with a saddening realization.
The shadow of me is suddenly being embraced,
My Sun ensuring in time I will attain all I’ve dreamed.

My father worked the plant as
his father befor.
We worked until are hands bleed and
are backs were sore.
History we made and many fine men spent there lives
in this very place.
Founded the union.
we are the backbone not a copperate
face.
Didnt bat a eye just said goodbye
catching the first outta town bus.
They saved there over payed asses
but what about us.
The working class people who gave there
sweat and tears.
A town inwhich the factory was built.
Old and young share bitter reflections over
stories passed down through the years.
More than jobs left with the closing
of the factorys doors.
Pain echos from broken souls.
it comes into are very essense seeps into the floors.
Years of memories gone without a
fuss.
They crunch numbers but were people.
You saved a billion but a whole town
ask's what about us?

Chance
By BJ Welsh
With life and living we take our chance
Nodding in agreement to a furtive glance
Waking up each day is a chance we take
That life will deliver us for Heaven’s sake
We awake each sunrise with a hope reborn
Chance seeing an other suffer and torn
It’s one other’s life you see at a glance
Hoping for approval, it’s but a chance
The life you witness as others pass
The pain inside may subside, alas
Hoping to see one as you
The chance you take to find two
Running out of time the clock is ticking
Chance there are others whose lives aren’t clicking
Great as that may be, the chance you’re all alone rises
Furtive glances from beneath disguises
Chance that hiding the pain and hurt won’t last
The agony you feel will not be fast
Chance you soon become discovered
In your waking hours its’ uncovered
You’ve lived a life of hurt and pain
The chance you’ve taken may have been in vain

Flat canvas;
Bubbling brown ridges strike
The confining dimensions in a hostile yawn:
Upwards, Outwards.
Walk the world no longer, an ending beckons,
A precipice builds moments where swallows wager wings
On new seed: New breeds.
Falling buys the assurance of seconds
From a sinking well.
Oh well.
Remember us when the globe begins to slip,
Bang drums for our pity:
Our crescendos mean less than meaningless.
And then, when spheres crack, continue
On the whorl of a thumb,
Stretching hope to nothing.
Run.

I let you die for my name
As you reached for my hands
Out of waters of drowning
What a hypocrite this writer is
The Hatred of Solitude
Letting an orphan dream
Then destroy him with knowledge
Of what you have done
He opened up to you
In new ways
But in nostalgic guises
The springwinds whisper blithe yore
But the winterwinds, much stronger
Caress you with the dreams of your funeral sky
“It was you… it was your fault…
Letting the one who was so open to you
Be the laugh… the piece in the game…”

I woke up and you were there
Every little hope was here
It was a while, someone had been nice
You said the words I wanted to hear
Be there when I felt so weird
Lonely could be saying goodbye.
I had my doubts, didn’t tell it loud
Told myself, try it out
Didn’t expect it to turn this way
And I was trying so hard
To be in love, but you got it all wrong.
And I was trying so hard
Not to get hurt, but here’s my sad song.
And I wish you didn’t pretend
This life was just fine by myself
Why knock my door, why mess me for more?
Don’t you know of those scars?
That are unhealed from the past?
And the horrors I been through?
So I crept in my shell
Till you came along
And asked me to peak out
And go through it again.
I had my doubts, didn’t tell it loud
Told myself, try it out
Didn’t expect it to turn this way
And I was trying so hard
To be in love, but you got it all wrong.
I was trying so hard
Not to get hurt, but here’s my sad song.

Today I stopped by the old family home
time had taken its toll…
The white picket fence now lies on the ground
the windows, broken holes …
There are no more sounds of children playing
Everything’s dull and grey…
The old oak swing I sat on for hours
the rope is torn and frayed…
I can't believe I’ve been gone for so long
thirty years have now past
It seems I traded my dreams for their time
the dreams, they didn't last…
Oh what I would give to turn back the time
if only for a day…
To see Momma smile when Daddy came home
to hold their hands and pray…

Rain falls on the roof
Each drop plays a familiar note
I toss and turn no sleep to be found
The storm rages on
A chill fills the summer air
My body aches with fear and longing
No comfort to be found inside
The storm rages on
Raindrops hit my face
One by one, they awaken my senses
To erase fear, doubt, and sensibility
The storm rages on
Lightning streaks across the sky
I am blind to the dangers ahead
In the flash of light I see only hope
The storm rages on
As fast as it came
The rain starts to fade
I retreat inside my shelter
The storm rages on
My thirst overcomes me
I am consumed by the need
To feel the rain on my face again
The storm rages on
The stars shine like gems
On a cloudless night
I toss and turn no sleep to be found
The storm rages on

The older I get the more regret
I have not being there for you
at that vulnerable time.
You made me so happy
but I was not there
to be with you...
at a time
when you
Hurt.
I thought our love would transcend the pain
of commuter weekends with you.
How wrong can a person be?
The nights you spent alone
must have been torture.
Yet, I was blind...
pillowed tears,
soft sobs,
Yours.
If I could change one thing in my life,
it would only be at that time.
You should have come before me,
I should have loved more.
I should have been there.
Time heals all wounds,
But, regrets...
remain
Still.

Cave Dweller.
Once there lived a little man
A dwarf yet smaller still
Who lived within a little cave
All cold and darkness filled
He'd lived there such a long, long time
And knew he nothing more
That there was nothing better he was sure.
Then this maiden fair and beautiful
She ventured in his cave.
Her eyes were blue like crystal gems
For her most men would crave.
When the little man discovered her
With the candle in her hand
He saw a nymph so beautiful and grand
The maiden told that lonely man
About the beauty of the world
She spoke about the wings of a butterfly
All Gossamer unfurled
And she spoke of lush green meadows
And the flowers by and by
That lady spoke, her tone so very wise.
But that dwarf when she had finished
Sadly sighed and shook his head
For the thought of leaving his snug cage
Did feel his heart with dread
And he told that lady wistfully
That her fine land was not for he
For he was born to live this misery.
Socrares Dec 8 2003.

Election Day
Last week was our election
It’s been going on for weeks
From the space where I was standing
It all looked kind of bleak
The chance of labor leaders
Getting the ruling hand
There’d been some inside fighting
They weren’t looking too grand.
But when I thought about it
It didn’t really matter
All these fools, it seems to me
Are only noisy chatter
They promise this, they promise that
And then what do they do?
Nothing, absolutely naught
They say is ever true?
So anyway I was lucky
What by accident, I done
Was muck up on the valet sheet
I failed on every one
Of those boring little boxes
That were staring up at me
But I really did not want to vote
So it was meant to be.
11 September 2013@1720hrs.

The stars quickly dim,
taking their place behind stretching clouds,
as the allure of night fades
and the lamp of the world switches on.
Morning's scent steals grace from sleeps convalescent ether,
rousing hearts and minds from delusional dreams,
to don their disguise of a million lies,
reassembling, to suffer again daily.
And each tick of the clock, mimics the hum of my pulse,
as I sit with head in hands, holding on to my shattering sanity.
For in the light of day, truth is easily seen
in this house, that is not a home;
where the silence unfolds to surround me,
like solitary prison walls.
So aimlessly, I walk throughout the day,
heart wrapped in strands of tender; frayed,
always one beat away from surrender;
anxiously timid, awaiting yet another shoe to fall,
keeping to this intimate isolation,
for this world has proved incapable of trust.
But oh when the night comes, and the blind moon rises,
taking its rightful place in the sky,
I lovingly stand within her sliver rain, and the
subliminal foreplay emanating from stars.
Inside the darkness, shadows span to fill the emptiness
and my consciousness gives way to blurry visions,
staining these eyes with the presence of you.
And its moments like this, I have come to cherish;
when this sensory state of existence,
exonerates me from misery’s melody,
deafening its sound in the hours of midnight suede.

Sometimes I sit and ponder
what it may be like
to have parents, not always
looking for a petty fight
the love you feel, always
being there for you
day o' night
I wake up fighting a
constant battle,
I feel like I am in a circus
having to jump through hoops
my parents hold
to earn their admiration and
approval
Earning their gold star
for the day
I was a rebel since day one
not trying to conform
dancing to the beat of a
different drummer
Wishing to be accepted
for who I want to be
and how I seek to spend my hours
nothing I ever do, seems to be good
enough
They talk about "emotional deposits"
i.e. spending time with them
but they spend too much time
picking and proving
reacting wrong, saying ignorant assumptions
they push me away, each day
'further and further I go
as soon as I make enough money
I'm gone
They act as if my artistic mind
couldn't make money
like my dreams are distant relatives
of which I will never meet
but I strive to prove them wrong
Its bad enough being
one person versus the world
but when the army you fight
is led by your family, your blood
it's twice as hard to get up
in the morning, when the suns
rays dance on my closed
eyelids
I try my best to be the kind
of person I want to be
despite their efforts to kill off
my individualistic soul
I have given up trying
to belong to which I
was born unto
I'm simply playing the game
Hoping to win, one day
the chance to be myself
as I feel emulates me,
and regardless
have a proud
Mommy and Daddy
I do pray, I shall be
free to be
Heather Rose Marie

Who are what can fill your life’s “empty void?”
In spite of the many things
that you have “enjoyed.”
Drugs… Sex… Money… Are you concerned?
Has your life been one that’s
taken “the wrong turn?”
There’s many choices to make.
I’m fooling you not!
But there’s a godly principle
that must be taught!
The void we have. Only the presence
of God can fulfill!
Bringing you true love,
is God’s purpose and will!
Won’t you take a moment
with the king of kings?
And allow him to take control of everything?
Jesus will never disappointed you!
Not now or ever!
He wants to be your friend!
Today and forever!
The God of this world and universe,
wants to come in!
A Brand new way of living…
Is waiting to BEGIN!
By Jim Pemberton

Severing the attachment,
Desperate to liberate myself from self imprisonment,
Each Separation ensuing with agony,
Feeling as my own worst enemy,
Further and further I tear,
Seeking the long sought relief but it becomes to much to bear,
Allowing the mold to feel anew,
Leaving me in a state of subdue,
Almost craving the need to illustrate some emotion

A smudge on the mirror
Thats all I can see
I cant see the eyes staring back at me
My vision is blurred
My sight unclear
Why cant I see when I am so near
To the person on the other side
Still I cant see the tears she's cried
Before me the image is a lie
For it can only show the outside
Not the truth that's held inside
Behind the eyes that I cannot see
For the smudge is keeping it hidden from me

“He’s Our Joy”
He talks funny
But his disposition is sunny
Even though his tongue is too long
He’s not a loss
Just because his eyes are crossed
He’s never going to earn a degree
To his parents he’ll always cleave
He may have Downs
But he’s a joy to have around
The public might shame him
But they don’t see what makes us love him
He’s our precious joy
Our very own Mongoloid.

I am a Robot
Who cannot feel
The shame that sweeps over me
I am a ghost
Who cannot be touched
By your wandering hands
I wish I were a God
Who could send you to hell
To be tormented for eternity
I wish i were invisible
So the stares would slide away
I wish i were superman
To save others from my same fate
To save them from monsters
LIKE YOU

A child is born
all loving, forgiving, honest,
a special child of the light,
eyes wide open, awake,
the wolves are happy,
to feast at the table of its suffering.
Feed it just enough love to survive,
milk it of its light, little by little
suckling its love, its forgiveness,
a sweet delicacy for a vampiric world.
The child becomes a young adult...
control, conformity, submission,
overwhelming expectations,
no freedom, no love, no peace,
a barrage of others suffering,
cant get it off me, out of my head!
out of my heart, it hurts!
Its all too much!
Why do they all hurt me?
Why are they not honest like me?
How can they be so mean to me?
What is wrong with me?
I just want a taste of love,
to remind me why I am alive!!

We have lost our sense of corporation.
We have lost our ability to cook together
Under the Sunday’s rain while Heaven is releasing
Its own design of living.
We have lost our sense of laughing after a long, long
Battle of making love during those sessions of naked photos After that difficult orgasm.
We have lost our feeling of self-worth couple
To go out and having a great time on goosing
And walking under the cold night.
We have lost the letting truth of the
Shocking welcome of cheating and who is she or he
By the knowledge of God’s growth because
By the end of any given day we are going to
Understand from a penny a generation must vanish first.
We have lost our sweet dream, the games, the thrilled
Adventures as far as having a dream suggest nothing
Else than bullshits of being old.
We have lost our faith, our lifelong partnership of desire
For each other, we lost common humor and ground,
The easy complication of being again what we were
Before.

What Do We Expect, As We Seek to Remove God?
As so many people are seeking God’s removal…
It’s like anything from him, we’ve given a refusal!
Many have tried to ban just the reading of his word!
There’s so much truth, just waiting to be heard!
Many anti-God societies have quickly formed!
Even the ten commandments, are often scorned!
We’ve built large cities, many schools, and homes!
But when it comes to God, we’ve often left him alone!
One can try their best to push God back in the corner!
But if you do, things in your life will get “warmer!”
The pleasures and truth you seek,
will come to an end!
And then eternity without God,
will just begin!
You’ll wish you chose to live for God, that eventful day!
You’ll wish that you took the time
to study and pray!
It’s the word of God that you need to study and read!
God knows all about you! And knows your needs!
He deserves all of your praise and full attention!
We need to seek him, for much needed direction!
Please come dear Lord, and cleanse us within!
May we humbly confess our faults and sins!
We need YOU much more, than words can say!
Please be the God we serve!
May we start TODAY!
By Jim Pemberton

"No." She whispered before drowning into her sorrows.
Her life had been a simple happy one.
There were no pains and no troubles.
Life was life and people were people.
Life was simple.
and life was all about tomorrows.
Life didn't know about sorrows.
Her sorrows.
Those same sorrows that she drowned in never existed.
They were never there, but where?
First to be sad in the naive town of joy.
Sorrow became contagious and what was known as happiness no longer was there.
It was non-exististent.
A meager thought
and a blessed memory.
She tried and tried.
She failed and failed.
Life was no longer hers.
For Pain was her only possession.
Her curse.
She lived and she died.
Yet, her legacy was passed on.
Never was it gone.
"No." She whispered before drowning in her sorrows,
"Save them."

A witness to screaming silence
Bloody visions of dreams in violence
A wishful trap to seduce
Hiding behind a door within recluse
Nothing becomes what already has
Reality unfreezing blowing past
Leaves that fall search for wind
Against thy fate your unable to defend
A scream by visions unable to sustain
Into the mouth of madness I seek to maintain
Whatever it takes is the key to pretend
Yet a brand new start forbidden to begin
Words that are said remain behind
Treasures forgot so easy to find
Beyond my lessons explain my reasons
Just as whispering winds change with seasons
I escape my pleasure and acquire so much pain
Everything to loose which is all to gain
Enslaving madness within a dream
Forever changing things that seem
Social insult becomes the only one
Mixed together escaping fun

And from the battlefield so does he emerge.
Beaten blood stains his memories.
Such beathy in destruction apon the devils backbone
such powers converge.
Bodies gather tossed into a heap.
he's silent even in his thoughts.
For the madness to one's self is better to keep.
Dying moments at a time.
the field may change death is the same.
Where humans are numbers with a toll
up the ladder he does climb.
The honest view over shadows the
ignorant few.
Tortured are the memories trapped inside.
Cold steel to which tonight he does confide.
Blood stainded bages how they do gleam.
After years of the twisted vision.
No side has to be right it does seem.
The blood is embedded in his very soul.
No matter the side.
The the memorie alone takes it's toll.
Often we recall alone we regret.
nightmares creep into are waking hours.
So is the victem of the memory forwhich you cannot forget.

I Knew Someone Who Was Ready to “End It All!”
I knew of someone who just wanted “to end it.”
Giving up on life, and did not want to “defend it.”
It was a heart wrenching and difficult situation.
He said what he wanted to, with no explanation!
I could see his face and the sad look in his eyes!
What he was going to do next, was anyone’s surprise.
He turned to drugs and encountered addictions.
With this brought much disease and afflictions!
He gave up on the wonderful family that was given.
And turned to a pretty wild and crazy way of livin’!
I told him about a God who loves him very deeply.
As he listened, he began to grow restless and weary.
I reached for his hand and began to pray for God’s power!
It was a miracle! The blood of Jesus changed him that hour!
The spirit of God brought healing and hope to his body!
He was so excited! He rushed out to tell everybody!
The “end” that he wanted, seemed to just fade away!
For the son of the living God, changed him this day!
The glory of God, and the power of Jesus’ resurrection…
Changed him! And got him going in a NEW direction!
He’s so thankful for the blood of Christ’ atonement!
And is a different person now, because of that moment!
This same Jesus loves and can do the same for YOU!
Through the problems of life…
He will see you through!
By Jim Pemberton

Mistakes where made and fingers was pointed
Falling from the trees
Hearts was crushed and time was lost
Blowing away with the breeze
Words being said that slowed the time
In its depth we drowned
Our smile crosses its fingers
Hiding our emotions frown
Long forgotten fables and tales of dreams
Spoke till I sleep inside
Potions of sounds musical notes
Brewing what I hide
Chattering leaves confide our secrets
Their season pigment our lips
Entwined together forever
Drinking in sips
Clashes of tides fill our cup
Running over with forever
Fairy tells crashing letting go
Of what we believed to be forever

The crying ocean weeps fresh tears
The vacant beach so moist is gone
The sea swells like a throbbing cry
Caught in the throat of loneliness
Nature, tormented by time
Erodes herself and ebbs and flows
With the emotional tides of the moon
As the dawn breaks, fragments, scatters and is gone
The lone nascent emotion sparked within the soul
Embraces the new, the unpredictable
With all sense of time and order lost to the waves
Man falls into new nothingness
And finds sanity among the seasoned sighs of the tide
The warning whispers of the sea
The crying ocean weeps fresh tears
The nascent horizon is swallowed
The sea swells in a throbbing cry
Caught in the throat of despair
It is beautiful

We are as we do and nothing more
A meter of hope
A cry to the wicked
Soldiers march to the heartstrings of war
Madness broken by human will
Human nature broken by the insanity of repetition
Millions die for the sake of statistics
Hungry souls devour what they're given
Politicians speak of equality
Some are shot for the sake of truth... and secrecy
The sorrow of our cycle speaks volumes to the children who live in today
We are as we do and nothing less
(Entered in the conest: Politically Educated, Christopher Stones)

Is it really hard to understand
I am just looking for a man
One that sees the world like me
Offers his heart humblely
I will cherish and protect
Give back to him what I get
Hoping its not just me
Drifting in this lonely sea
Been floating out here for years and years
Fighting not to drown in my own tears
This ocean I find myself drifting in
Was created from unintentional sin
My eyes cried this reflecting pool
Due to all the times I played the fool
Will I ever feel the ground again
Or does a boat come pull me in
Save me from my self made demise
See the sun through cloudy skies
May the warmth come cure my pain
Stop these eyes that pour like rain

I beg your forgiveness for I am not long for this world. Happenstance has led me down this path so crooked and forlorn. Misery has preceded my path and darkened my senses all but torn. Mistakes have illuminated my way though their light be a fallacy; an illusion to comfort a tortured mind, riddled with confusion and false fancy. ‘Tis only just to forgive me sisters, I am not long for this world.
An image wreaks havoc with my memory. A picture so horrendous the effects of its trauma echo through the hallways of time. The sight that for all my life I was so grateful to possess, leads me now to curse what gods may be that granted it me. For surely had I never seen the sight of him, cold and lifeless, I would have eventually endeavoured to be healed in my spirit. The fault is mine; it was never him but I that had the capacity to change. ‘Tis only right to forgive me father, I am not long for this world.
My middle name should rather have been disappointment. That is all I have ever delivered to her who brought me into the world and nurtured an infant into a lady. I call her Gaia, that is her spirit name. My existence has put lines on her face prematurely and caused her to despair time and time again. The audacity of me now to leave this earth without ever having produced for her a grandchild. The insolence of leaving only words to counter the preponderance of condolences from rejoicing enemies that shall now assail and abuse her. My soul is repentant, twas never the intent to hurt your heart dear Gaia. ; Tis only compassionate to forgive me mother, I am not long for this world.
As for the empty future that awaits me. No children to carry on the memory of me. No great achievements to render my life the content of legend. No great works to immortalise me in poem and prose. No others to mourn the passing of a life most unremarkable. Nothing but things, regrettable decisions, words left unsaid and the cold sound of silence to mark that most auspicious event. Death finds me waiting and unafraid with only the last words to pass from these lips; ‘tis only fair to forgive me self, for we are not long for this world.

Look around you
The world is already at an end
When the Mayans said that the world was going to end
They didn't mean a world destroyed by flare, quake, or salvation
But rather a world full of broken relation
That possibly, it wasn't a literal interpretation
But a figurative analysis of this falling nation
Are we not all the same people, the same human
But we'd rather live a life divided
A life divided by the color of our skin
What is war but greed to keep the amount of money left for our kin
Life is no longer cherished
The earth used for our own experiments until its resources perished
Genocide, assassinations, and murder supported for a "better cause"
Who are we to judge the abominations of others when there is flaw in our own laws
We continue to redefine what is socially accepted
Making a gateway for divorce, abortion, and legal prostitution
Rather than fixing what has been so psychologically rooted into the minds of this generation
We look to cover up past mistakes with a newly corrupted translation
Girls look for sex because of a lack of love from their fathers
Society tells boys to make use of this advantage
Treat girls as objects rather than human beings with emotions
And we later ask ourselves
How did these boys and girls ever become such bad parents
Our government shouts democracy
But isn't that really just a cover up to keep us appeased
It's most convenient when the majority stays quiet
Because only those in power can say that this earth's a heaven
To the majority, this earth is already a hell
The human race is so arrogant
Believing that they are the most superior in this world
That they can live without the mercy of God who should be in control
Look around you
The world is already at an end

------
God accepts' us all
Even the little baby child
He cast thee of robber's
And scourges'
For them,
Life is just not worth
Living
Life is not forgiving
------
But, He will always'
Transverse the Earth
-Of-
Decitful feast
Of wonder
The very which thing
That which puts' man
All asunder
Leaving me to wander
------
And threw His day of
Reap and plunder
The scourge of the earth
Doth' not wonder
-Fore-
All that's left for him
Is nothing
All of His empty
Forgiveness
Tis there by renderded
As sin' is to be no-more
For-ever and more...
AMEN
GF

Guilt and hurt
I’ve heard folk speak of hurting
And I’ve had my share of this
I’ve had my share of loving
I’ve had my share of bliss
But me, I know for sure, my friends
That the grossest of all things
{The mother of the monster clan}
That life can to you bring….
Is guilt, I say without a doubt
It’s the deepest kind of pain
Hurt gets nicely tucked away
But you can try in vain
To remove the guilt that you’ve accrued
It’s like a red hot knife
Just when you think it’s gone away
It’s there to give you strife.
I have suffered deep, deep hurt
That’s suffocated me
But guilt just like a mountain
That over towers the trees
He over towers all life’s pain
And reaches to the sky
No matter how you charge at him
That beast will never die.
25 July 2013 @ 1207hrs.

Goodbye Dear Child
We will see you again
We will love and pray for you
Each night until then
Please find it in your heart
To forgive your mothers
Blasphemous heart
Please forgive her
For believing in “Pro-Choice”
For taking away your voice
She knows not what she has done
In this decision no one has won
Words can’t begin to describe
All the pain she's in
Saying she's sorry
Won’t wipe away her sin
For her decision she surely pay's
She surely pay's each and every day
Goodbye for now dear child
We will see you again
We will Love and Pray for you
Each day until then…
Lay

MY GIRL
Lazy summer days
Pigtails, French braids
Long silky hair blowing
In the wind
Days forever gone
Tears well up in my eyes
And I long once again
To hold her close
To see her smile
To hear her laughter
Tinkle like rain
Lord, shower down from heaven
Encouraging words of
Together we will be
In that glorious place
A world without pain
Hearts completely healed
Memories of yesterday
Live on today
Hope of a tomorrow
Full of promise
mja

I once knew a boy,
without guile and innocent.
We milked the cow
and goats together,
and as we worked,
we made up stories
of the secret life
of the cow,
and how
she was a sort of
super hero,
a bovine 007,
world traveler,
when we weren't
watching her.
Then one day,
the boy disappeared.
Perhaps,
some synapse
short circuited,
or some
unspoken incident.
Some one else
was in his place.
Abducted, possessed?
I never saw the boy
again.

The shapeless howl screeches loud,
Ten thousand shadows overwhelm the realm.
The wolf takes cautious steps towards the woods,
The emerald brush sends kindness.
The wolf weeps gently behind its paw,
The pang of the unordinary and outwardly savage.
Fur of black coal and eyes of stream blue,
The wolf sighs deeply and falls to the rocks of the brook.
Deep sleep in no comfort,
Hunger unimaginable,
Furry cheeks wet with tears,
It ponders the unjust of existence.
A spot of moonlight reveals upon him the crimson stain,
His side lets blood pass softly in lines.
The wolf sniffles quietly behind its paw,
For who would listen to only a wolf.

Mist, Mist..
Why not whisper, why not speak?
When upon thy shrouded depths,
Thou knowest truly, what we seek
Darkness, Darkness
Why be quiet, why not be shrill?
When your hoot and squeal and growls,
Shivers our spine, with unbidden thrill
Cat, Cat
Why be fair, why not be black?
Then your hackles and caterwauling,
Sends us scurrying, to home be back.
Hag, Hag
Why be frail, where is your broom?
When your ire and witchy hex,
For wayward kids, spells dreadful doom.
Road, Road
Why be lively, why not be lone?
Your dark stretch once cast shadows,
Dancing wickedly, with the wind’s soft moan.
Moon, Moon
Why be normal, why be so pale?
When it’s your ghostly light and full visage
That sends the night, to howl and wail.
Trees, Trees
Why be silent, why won’t you creak?
The touch of your twisting limbs,
Will send us running, though knees be weak.
Bat, Bat
Why in flight do you shy away?
When your flap and eerie screeches,
Bolts us upright, from where we lay.
Statues, Statues
Why be still, why don’t you blink?
When your lifelike and weird stare,
To morbid fright, makes us sink.
Where has thrill, and childhood fear went?
The dread craved, without any harm meant,
Remembering…
The simple fire lit stories, From whence one conjured,
The demons of the night,
Feeding eerie appetites.
For now this world, has darkened indeed,
With the very evil, that is man’s own deed.
With horrific crimes, atrocious and vile
In contrast makes sweet, the bitterest bile.
Woe for ‘tis sanctified no more, the domain of life,
Taken cold blooded with nary, a conscience’s strife.
Children though chaste, with this horror not spared,
Man’s grimmest side, to dire fullness bared.
The great divide, between men and monster,
In these darkest of times, exists no longer.
That is why…
My mind whispers and hoots and growls,
Caterwauls and moans and howl and wail,
Hexes and shies and stares and blinks and sinks...
Down, down, down.
For I pity this frail humanity,
In its sad, sad, sorry plight,
That ponders why innocence has gone,
From scare’s warm embrace,
To TERROR'S cold arms.
- Originally posted as TERROR TERROR.
Copyright by the Olongapoet,
George Daniel Anos Oct. 12, 2008

I have taken my final arrow,
My race has now been run
I’ll depart from here and go in peace
Into yonder setting sun
I will climb aboard the ship of death
And cross the chilling tide
I will go to yonder setting sun
As on this ship I will ride
I will not fear what lies ahead,
Or what I cannot tell
I’ll stand upon the bough and wave
To this life farewell
I will now close my eyes in death,
Weary from the race I’ve run
As upon the bough of death’s ship I will ride
To yonder setting sun

We cherish our souvenirs
echoes from the past
tales of where we've been
preventing us from making choices
as to where we can go
dust collecting dust
bones in our closets
each a memorial unto its self
yesterday's pain held captive
within a single glance
as another lonely winter approaches
the shelves have become barren
like the trees from bitter frost
my souvenirs thrown away
yet who can rid memories from the soul.
Bob Shank, Oct.17th, 2006

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An Uncontrolled Passion and Unquenchable desire!
An uncontrolled Passion and unquenchable desire,
Will lead your soul to an
uncontrollable fire!
This will lead to an unquenchable flame.
Things in your life will never again
be the same!
The passions and urges that led you down this path.
Will not spare your soul from Satan's awful wrath.
He will not spare you of what your longs to have.
No matter what you hold on to.
No matter what you grab!
All the counseling in the world could never take away.
The sin you have in your heart.
No matter what others say!
The uncontrollable urges that seem to burn from within.
Are now causing you grief,
in your life, once again!
The only power that can cleanse and wash you clean...
Is the blood of Jesus! He is God!
And can do ANYTHING!
Won't you seek his help? Won't you reach out
and take his hand?
Everything you're gong through...
He already understands!
Whatever you're holding on to.
Whatever person you may be...
Only the blood and power of Jesus
can totally set you FREE!
Please come Lord Jesus and restore
our lives with your grace!
It's only in you, dear Jesus,
that we have a "resting place."
Thank you Jesus for helping us to receive
fulfillment inside.
By your love and forgivenss...
There's nothing more to hide!
By Jim Pemberton 05/11/13

What the hell did I do..
This question posed aggressively
now in my conscious mind.
I bury my head in my knees,
and sob relentlessly asking why,
and mumbling man you really did it this time.
Party at my place he screams,
and Man you don’t ever stop by.
These images scroll the Rolodex of my subconscious side.
Try this it will make you feel great!
You’ll have no worries for at lest the next eight.
Doesn’t that sound great!
That’s when it hit me,
like a shot straight through the heart.
I parted my metaphoric sea shore,
my arms, my legs, they are the oars.
Swimming through the blue abyss,
always watching close for shore.
Then little by little always needing more,
and more.
The hours and days went by,
oh my god how I was high.
My euphoric mind never pressed for time,
no matter the dime.
Clouds on the horizon a thunderous sky.
It was even getting late,
and the moon began to pull at the tide.
Looking back I see this was going to be a very long ride.
Pushing forward toward the shore,
limb for limb, tired and sore.
Screaming, hurry up and get here,
where out, and have got to have more.
Then the lighting began to show it’s power,
and the wind had the waves in a roar.
The rain stinging torn & chapped skin.
I began to lose consciousness, now at a merciless Drift.
Pulled way out,
fast and swift.
Their would be few that would adore.
As they wonder how long,
before I’d wash back ashore.
What the hell did I do..
This question,
posed aggressively now
in my conscious mind.

Silence and a stone
A mirror all alone
Shadows on my breath
Stillness seeking life within my death
Vengeance bends my will
The mirror crying still
The shadows hold my hand
Darkness conjures up an evil plan
Attack or break again
Either way’s the same
With horror on my tongue
The shadows claim all I can become
Silence breaking out
The mirror cracked by doubt
A shadow swallows me
The light is gone and I no longer see
Darkness plays a song
My truth now used for wrong
The past becomes today
The backwards child longs to now betray
The silence in his tone
As my screams are turned to snow
Belie his buried schemes
In which the world is lost in his disease
Forgiveness for my tears
Was spent on darkest fears
Now I’m turned to stone
By the shadow-self that represents my soul

Does my face retrace the anger,
of a once distant love affair?
Do my curves exhaust a notion,
that at one time we kindly cared?
Yet, I still thrive.
Does my smile rile your insides,
and shadow a subtle act?
Do my hips which sway in elegance,
bestow this monstrous attack?
Yet, I still thrive.
Does my laughter force the cringe,
grimaced upon your face?
Do my fingers not gently guide you,
to a once happy, exotic place?
Yet, I still thrive.
Does my spirit not depict beauty,
of a once stunning shore?
Do my lengthy legs not confine you,
in perfect synchronization anymore?
Yet, I still thrive.
Does my sensuality no longer appease,
the thirst once quenched within?
Do my eyes announce the sadness,
of forever living in sin?
Yet, I still thrive.
Does my lonely heart sob uncontrollably,
noting a broken bond of hate?
Do my tears not convey the purpose,
of two lost souls with opposite fates?
Yet, I still thrive.

Winter is also celibate. The conscience is moving,
A frozen light in a frozen eye. It's raining much looser,
Down a ripped tree. I couldn't have,
I couldn't have, in this sin-sick tenderness.
___
My face is cracked in my fawnlike fingers;
And the nose betrays an inner child, who
Wouldn't listen to sparrows about being catched.
I just insisted fur was wings.
___
The feminine chill on the palm must be sorrow;
When I think of church bells, or mother-
That I am haunting as raw love.

I think I’m starting to realize
How much I took for granted
As time goes by, and heartache
I hear your voice softly…
I didn’t know how to love you
All I know is that I wanted to
Now that we’re apart
The clock ticks on, softly…
I wish getting over you
Was easier than this
Perhaps it’s because you
Touched my heart softly…
Parting is such sweet sorrow,
When the pain comes too soon
Loving smiles turn into something else
As time passes none too softly…
When the skies turn
like gray, dust inside my mind
and then the rain comes,
dripping to the ground, softly…
Now whenever I see a rose
Or think of springtime breezes
I see your eyes in my mind
The tears fall softly…

I wish you loved me more.
I always feel like your looking for the door.
Don’t say it isn’t true.
When you know it is what you do.
Emotionally
I think you're through.
Now it’s up to me
to catch a clue.
My mind
Is not a crash test.
Dummy!
The things I fear you say behind my back
make me feel awful.
Tell me are your slenderest words profitable.
If equated to a fraction,
what percentage is marketable.
Let alone talk able.
In conversation
do you receive a sense satisfaction
putting me down.
A show of strength
when your friends are around.
I'm the pile.
To your pile driver,
and you are
Pounding me into the ground.
Your always there.
Relentlessly never backing down.
A complement never found.
Guess the sex is why you stay around.
Pounding & pounding,
Out the rhythms of attraction.
My body has become my only weapon
to defend against a total loss.
I continue no matter this emotional cost.
That inevitably
of my best friendship lost.
Your heart covered in a winters frost.
You track each trickle back to it’s source
then scream of the faucet
till your face is hoarse.
Admittedly;
My substance abuse inexcusable,
Though isn’t my progress viewable.
But each time you put me down
I’m driven a little further into the ground.
My head
the only exposed part of me now.
Soon cast in concrete
never again to be found.
Your bridge to the rest of the world
nearly complete.
Maybe you could visit from time to time.
Text me via spray paint.
This is how my messages get through.
If you listen close you’ll hear my reply.
I love you still.
Now and for all time.

I want to drown my urge to die
I want to kill my pulse inside
I can't breathe, I'm paranoid
Everything in life I avoid
Don't speak to me, I'll look away
Inside my eyes is just decay
I'm already dead, but have yet to die
Why do I keep my body alive
My soul is dead, eyes are lies
So is the smile I hide behind
Pull the plug, I'm a fake
In a nightmare and I cannot wake
Drown me! I'm flooded in pain
Please help me regain
Some peace, some rest
I want to die to live again
Set me free
Slitting my wrists isn't working
The more stares I get
The more I become numb
I just need to be gone
Eliminate my pain,
I'm already out of breath
Suffocating on my hopelessness
Every day I am alive
But I'm craving to die inside
Curved smile because your so naive
You think I'm happy
Yet I'm being crushed
My head is overflowing
With these thoughts that are too much
One word, suicide
Sparks a light inside of my eyes
I don't want to pretend to live
Let me go, flood me in sin
There is where I want to swim
Six feet under the ground
Don't be selfish
And keep me in pain
To tourture my lifeless body again
Let my body float soundly
Rushing water, ocean salt
I promise I won't feel it at all.
End it, hold me under
Then bury me so I can slumber
Goodbye lifeless eyes
As I'm dying I'll be coming alive
Haunting images
Deleted from my mind
Laughing
As I leave this world behind
Water
Floods my lungs
Death
Leans in for a kiss
Together we sink into insanity
And drown in infinitys abyss.

Do You Feel Like There’s Nowhere to Go?
I know that it's easy to get
discouraged and upset.
Feeling “trapped” ...
But can't escape "just yet."
You've tried everything. And not
sure what else to do?
Is there someone
who can help you through?"
Many things you've done.
You’ve wanted to be forgiven!
Yet struggle with this
each day you're livin’!
You meet people and
wear a "smile."
And sometimes wonder if living
is really worth the while.
You may have prayed
over and over again.
And yet constantly feel
Like you’re “trapped within.”
You may have tried to
call on Jesus' name.
Yet find yourself in
"guilt and shame."
Jesus is here now!
And wants you to know…
He can bring peace
to your troubled soul.
Rather than thinking of things
done in the past.
Come to Jesus now!
His love will always LAST!
Allow HIM to bring to your life
the needed victory now!
He'll make you a brand new person!
And HOW!
By Jim Pemberton

I Cried Today
I am thirteen today
You would think I would be happy
Yet it is hard to even crack a smile
With everyone wishing me a Happy Birthday
To me it’s not that happy
As today strange voices carrying on inside me
They say I don’t deserve to live
They say I should die
I am thirteen and
I Cried Today
My sweet sixteen isn’t so sweet
I just want to hide
Go back to sleep
Or simply disappear
What is a girl to do?
When she feels so sad, lonely and depressed
I don’t even have anyone to turn to
I am sixteen and
I Cried Today
Today I am nineteen
It is my graduation day
And while I am smiling on the outside
I feel like I am crumbling on the inside
Those voices don’t give
Never a break
No rest for the wicked they say
I am nineteen and
Today I Cried
I am twenty-one
No drinking for me
I am in a hospital as my first sip was almost my last
Who knew I could be so allergic
I am twenty-one
In a hospital and
I Cried Today
I am twenty-five
I thought I was in love
Until I walked in on my fiancé
In bed with my best friend
My heart feels so cold
I am so alone
As my world has just turned upside down
I am twenty-five and
I Cried Today
I am thirty
I am working hard
To get back my life
Take control of my future
And actually see the possibilities of a tomorrow
It is a lot of work
With a hard road ahead
I am Thirty
I Never Cried Today
I am thirty-four
In a few short months I will be thirty-five
I am not alone
I realize I never was
Surrounded by people I love
People who love me
Married to the love of my life
My dreams are coming true
I feel so happy
I am almost thirty-five and
I Smiled Today
By: Jean Shular

I came upon serried ranks
Of once-men who'd given their all,
Silent sentinels who'd known fear,
Pain and terror before their fall.
They'd stared the grim Reaper in the face
And knew their time had come.
But there were those who knew not that
Their lives were a rounded sum.
Some in distant lands had fought
For causes they knew not what
A vague concept of patriotism
In them was drummed and taught.
Cannon-fodder or grist to mill
You may call it what you want
A budding life, a blooming soul
Sacrificed to dogma and cant.
Time passes by, we sing their praise
And recall their valiant sacrifice.
We thank them for all they did,
And forget them in a trice.
For such is the folly of a war
For whate'er cause it's fought
The soldiers give their ultimate
And soon they are all forgot!

I followed love, and it broke me open, the heart wound,
suffering, beyond my imagination
In my hurt, i lost everything
and those nights as i cried alone and cold
I heard loves voice
"I come and i go like the spring.
Why worship only my coming?
My departure is my greatest gift.
The wound i leave you with
is Truth, my immortal lover.
He is your teacher and will never leave you".
Truth told me how small my love was,
an addiction, to own another.
Truth taught me of a greater love.
He told me the secrets of love,
the beauty of the agony.
How to be with love, how to carress her.
I still worship love, adore her beauty,
pray to taste her soft lips again,
but now, i also worship truth,
He showed me my purpose.
He made me into a man, a warrior.
I defend the weak, i fight for their freedom.
I carry the flaming sword of truth.
If you live to oppress, for greed, or hate
I will crush you, slice you,
bring you to your knees,
make you cry at the alter of truth,
begging loves forgiveness.
And after you accept them as your masters,
I will mend your wounds, and carry you across the desert
back to life, a new life, immortality.
You and I become one with Love and Truth, intertwined,
as immortal lovers, inseparable for eternity. My friend.

There’s an ocean of emotion,
floating though my mind,
and I’m drawing on the
last things said.
The more I think about it,
the more I want to cry,
and the past four days
I’ve remained in my bed.
My brain is
ignoring my conscious state.
Life around me seems of
Twisted fate.
The hour is that of getting late,
which Seems as though it’s working against me.
It’s been days since I last ate.
My stomach contorted and aches.
I keep popping these aspirin like there candy,
my hair so dirty it’s sandy.
Next I’ll be asking if you got a liver handy.
I’m in need of my best mate
If nothing else to clear my mind scape
That’s seems great,
but I haven’t talked to him as of late,
and I’m not sure that it’s healthy,
using him as an emotional escape
My reality,
a myopic view
Thoughts so deep,
this is where my image machine stews
Pointing out all the things I’ve done wrong
O dear god
How long must I go on

Her look that day,
Should have told me everything she could not say.
Unprepared, I stared.
She walked away.
As she tossed our ring,
I felt the sting.
If I’d known then
How I feel today,
I'd heal the abscess and my heart’s decay,
Before her affection left me there that day.
JS Lambert

Broken down by dreaming
Taken by the night
A wisdom that condemns me
For falling from the light
Arrested by my silence
Frozen by this earth
My wisdom sees right through you
The darkness in your curse
Advertise your trauma
The glitches of your mind
It’s not my place to tell you
I’d like the same in kind
The mirrors in my shadow
Countless as I stare
Their cracks consuming reason
I can’t see them, but they’re there
A thousand shadows haunt me
The infinite in one
I hide behind my curtains
Just to see a million wrongs
Broken down by waking
Taken by the day
My wisdom speaks of healing
Until the shadows have their say

You are not the man, you want to be
You said you were my Father, till, I discovered different
Enduring, daily beatings
Bashing the living day lights, out of a woman and a child
Repetitive, bad ass attitude, nasty streak
Mean and aggressive!
Fists, knives and guns, your weapons of chose
Out of control, abusive, devious
Relentless, over – bearing!
Breaking me, piece by piece
Confusing a child, with unhealthy love
Hand fed your bullshit, brain washed
Using me as your human, punching bag
This innocent child’s blood, staining your callas hands
My child’s curiosity, asking you one day
“Why do you hurt me and Mum?”
Your retort: “I am not your blood!”
I didn't understand, back then
Now, as an adult, I clearly understand!
Believe me, when I say
There was never a day that went past
That you didn't remind me of that!
My freedom, restrained
My sanity, tested
Caged, like a wild bird in captivity
Behind bars, looking out
Here, I am today, free from your grip
Nursing, this inner child’s, bleeding love

velvet tears slip down my cheek.
a gentle cry.
and the wet drops seep in the corners of my mouth
until
my lungs are full of my own salty, crystalline tears,
bringing buoyancy to boats that sail inside my veins.
as a rule, I try not to cry.
if a single tear is shed, who is to say that another will not follow?
compelling the rest to join
until I’ve immersed myself in the sea I’ve incepted,
and soon
all I see are the opalescent peaks of water colliding with my skin.

Walking as the last rays of light wash over me
blades of grass fall from my hand into the wind
trying but I can't remember when I had went away
aware of the sands of time that shift beneath my feet
how long had I felt this way, did I give up too easily
was the hurt I had felt, had it been too much for me
too afraid to try again and break free of these walls
how do you live when you feel like you can't breathe
how do you say all that you've kept locked away
how do you cry when there's no one there to see
how do you go on when you're somewhere alone
Sometimes it's 3 a.m. before I lay down to rest
today, it was 3 p.m. when I finally got out of bed
if phantoms of the night wake me in the early hours
I eye the empty pillow beside me with deep scorn
it's then I think of all the men who loved and left
in the quicksand of time, I'm struggling for air
my last gasp effort leaves me wondering why I tried
where is the one who was to walk through life with me
where is the family I always expected to have
where are the friends who married and moved away
where is the joy that has left me lost and alone

The friar
Revered innocence
You’ve got to try it
put it on your lap
a smiling little thing
still sheer and brittle
if possible blind or deaf,
almost genderless.
It just sits there
an unweaned lamb.
Take the little head
gentle it downwards
to the issue of our charity
Lead it, shovel if necessary.
Don’t be scared!
Today it’s allowed
your parents too far:
the force of every belief
too big to grasp.
Sooner or later it pushes
to where we assumed
our hands were in power.

My mother never knew what to do with me.
I was an obligation that needed to be.
But I wanted her to love me.
Simply… love… me.
I would do anything to please her.
Wanting her to be proud, I worked hard at everything I did.
But she viewed me as her competition, not wanting to be out done.
Needless to say our relationship wasn’t what I wanted it to be.
I dreamed to have a family of my own to simply… love… me.
I had a daughter who didn’t live.
And my mom said someone like me shouldn’t have kids.
Though she didn’t know about my epilepsy and other problems with my health.
Then my life fell apart with hard times everywhere.
I didn’t show it but hidden…my health wasn’t all that good.
My husband’s diabetes affected his mind. And epilepsy was working on mine.
I ignored that fact. I worked hard as my epilepsy kept tearing every thing apart.
Finally with a hard earned job… Fourteen years later I had a son.
The son I’d always wanted to have.
I was so very proud but was attacked by both health and son, at every turn.
He was wilder than most creating problems everywhere.
He blamed me for everything and everywhere something went wrong.
My health did it again at work as my relationship continued to crumble with my son.
He hated a mother who had to work, had epilepsy, and just wasn’t there for him.
I was slowly dying when he was 12 and I was 52, when finally I was saved.
That night… I met God and he said I had more to be done along the way.
I came back and did every thing I could to help my wayward and unruly son.
But way before I helped him go to college… I knew I had lost my son.
But his best friend needed a mom so I was there for him.
It seems so strange to tell, but as my son moved out… His best friend simply moved in.
And it’s even stranger to tell that…
The son who will occasionally smile at me, is someone else’s son.
He’s my heart-adopted son and has brought my first son closer again.
Jesus was always here and… the tear in my heart is gone.

am I
alive
as
alive
are you
somewhere
there
as
there
somewhere
am I
happily
laughing
as
laughing
happily
are you
joyfully
delighted
as
delighted
joyfully
am I
dreaming
as
dreaming
are you
corporeal
as
corporeal
am I
mournfully
crying
as
crying
mournfully
are you
torn
as
torn
am I
suffering
as
suffering
are you
silent
as
silent
am I
forever
lost
as
lost
forever
are you
nowhere
as
nowhere
am I
dead
as
dead
are you

Shivering in silence
Fading in disgrace
I can not name this feeling
But I can recall this place
A kingdom in my nightmares
A vision as I wake
A broken, crying infant
On the throne of my mistakes
I stand outside his city
On the verge of stepping through
The portcullis then closes
Because I’ve denied the truth
Quietly I listen
For the price that must be paid
If I ever wish to enter
I must find something to trade
My sanity seems willing
So I release it into night
Again the vision’s singing
Burning through the light
This time I am crying
Deep within the walls
And in this empty kingdom
A child mourns within his walls
Shivering in silence
Sat upon my throne
With sanity now traded
I am left to fade alone

Hopelessly lying, in a dying bed of depression,
miserably crying, while trying your confession.
Blackening walls, and halls of a fading youth,
Gruesomely calls, of gnaws towards the truth.
Fading beauty, so snooty to those content,
wailing a duty, sooty, those content dissent.
Towards a failing, unveiling of bloody torment,
concealing the name of shame, not so innocent.
So cheap, sinking deep, into a sea of emotion,
I weep, at the reap of sowing our lost devotion.
I shudder with stutter, at a marital decapitation,
you utter, like no other, at a romantic prostration.
A defile and vile odor is cast amongst the decay,
I smile in denial, as those lost lover’s betray.
Sinking deeply within, our sins have been fed,
doses of greed, they feed till all beauty is dead.
Take cover in the pain, remain emotionally numb.
Hide within the sin, wherein you succumb.
Tread the waste, and taste the defeat,
of a shattered, tattered passion down
on Broken Heart Street.

I still think why things had ended
between our love, which I now try to hate,
I succumbed myself into this despair
of wanting you back, which you also hate.
Psyche oneself that I can make it
this lonely battle of heart, can i fake it?
repeatedly in disarray thoughts
God I hope I could say it's just a hoax.
People around, will you please tell me
is it wrong to fight for this love I believe?
or shall I say is it right to surrender
because it's something merely perceived.
Ya, Ya, Ya, I did get it
don't insist no more, got it?..

Madras
Hotel lobbies, hotel bars
Hotel rooms, air conditioned cars
City sights and sounds and smells
A smile, a frown, a shout impels
The thoughts within to exude
And express themselves without interlude
Here no blossoms, no sweet fresh air
Save the scented jasmine in the women's hair
And the two don't mix, as we all know
Like the fires of hell and virgin snow
Flowing bright and silken dress
Saris adorn the putrid mess
Hems lifted gently to protect them
From certain ruin in the amalgam
Of open sewers - each gutter one
Of refuse tips - the pavements on
Rotten, decaying, organic matter
Dried up dung and vomit spatter
From the mouths of the unlucky
Poor and destitute - never plucky
"They are content with their lot"
(Steeped in drink, their guts they rot)
Laying near the dirty door
Their filthy rags bright no more
In the street or on a stair
Ignored by all without a care
And yet...and yet, life goes on
Each to their own - their God isn't one
Some are born to thrive and prosper
Others to poverty and despair
And here we are, visitors just
Though we discreetly watch - as we must!
And absorb each heart rending sight
Forsaking those in their plight
But if we give - sometimes we do
There are no thanks, nor feelings due
Because are we helping them buy food
Or alcohol which kills? Then we brood
And the rich they come in chauffeured car
Or the latest model bought by Pa
In designer clothes, their scarves unfurled
The stench, the poor? Another world!

What I wouldn't give
To have a brain like yours,
There isn't any topic
On which you could ignore.
It must be so exciting
To be as smart as you,
Wherever did you learn so much,
I've never had a clue.
I have often wondered
How the rest of us get by
In our daily living
Not knowing how or why.
I only wish I had
The wisdom that you do
So I could know it all
And be as smart as you.
No, I don't have the intelligence
And don't have what it takes
To be as smart as you,
And Never Make Mistakes.
Lynn Barany

What's on the Cover
by Amy Swanson
"Fat, fat, the water rat,"
the other children said -
and she could never after
get that phrase out of her head.
Little girl would anxiously
await the time for play,
praying silently that they
would not tease her today.
Every recess was the same
and each day she would cry,
at times she felt so hideous
she wanted to just die.
She had to work three times as hard
to lose a little weight
while others could eat anything
that sat upon their plate.
She grew into her teen years
all too quickly she found out
that if her food did not stay down
no longer she'd be stout.
She knew that this was not the way,
a miserable eating plan;
but it made the teasing stop,
she even met a man.
She kept her secret very well
continued it for years
while going through life's motions,
hid behind her silent tears.
Folks would say "You're beautiful,"
but if they only knew
just what it took to stay that way
they'd have a different view.
Life goes on, and time went by
no matter how she tried
she never felt like she belonged
sometimes she sat and cried.
Society cares far too much
for lust of lovely things,
And those that don't like what they see
will quickly clip the wings
of someone else who won't conform
to this world's shape and image.
It matters not, their brains or heart,
it's more about the visage.
She raised her head and looked into
the mirror, with wet eyes
she shook her head and suddenly
she came to realize
she was as good as anyone
with so much love to give -
she'd died inside, a slave to scales
she now wanted to live.
She splashed cool water on her face
and made a solemn vow
today would be a fresh new start
beginning here and now.
This is not just one girl's story
many share her tale;
warnings of bulimia
oft met with no avail.
If only we could look beyond
the flesh of one another;
True value based on what's inside,
not what's on the cover.

Can this ever stop
The world is blacked by the lunar love
All the tides have gone undone
The seas beckon us with their rage
Will they ever calm
The mist covers our sight
The storm comes
Her eyes are the color of dyed blue
With her raven hair and crimson lips
She sleeps quietly waiting for the innocence of me
But I've already put her in vain
And tossed her aside
I've already condoned my belovéd
The desire was so much
I couldn't face it In the eyes
Forgetting the shame is just a
Another winless game
Take me away from this
Take me away from the Lunar Love
The moonbeams light up my pale face
I don't want to be seen
Banished from this world I'll ever be
Take me away from this
Take me away from the Lunar Love
I cry but the sun cant hear
Do I exist?
This eclipse took over
Now I'm left to face it all
Left in the dark where can we go
Lunar love is what we'll be
Lunar love is what we have
Fly away from the scene
The tides are blind from the madness
Even to the mountains they'll kiss
The storm is too much
The desire was so much
I couldn't face it In the eyes
Forgetting the shame is just a
Another winless game
Take me away from this
Take me away from the Lunar Love
Lunar love is what we'll be
Lunar love is what we have
The moonbeams light up my pale face
I don't want to be seen
Banished from this world I'll ever be
Take me away from this
Take me away from the Lunar Love
The ghosts are tangled in my dreams
They play with what was meant to be forgotten
But I know there must be a away
To find the closure
But so lost are we
So lost I've been
Save yourself from the downfall
How close are we to the edge
This is what the rage has done
This is what the sin has done
The desire was so much
I couldn't face it In the eyes
Forgetting the shame is just a
Another winless game
Take me away from this
Take me away from the Lunar Love
The moonbeams light up my pale face
I don't want to be seen
Banished from this world I'll ever be
Take me away from this
Take me away from the Lunar Love
Lunar love is what we'll be
Lunar love is what we have
Forgetting the shame is just a
Another winless game

overwhelming thoughts with screams suffocating time
as tears form the river of denial i drift deeper out of my mind
grasping for air as i attempt to see what isn't there
coveting words that cling onto my ability to care
lacking self control i search for something, anything to grab
scratching, biting, clawing my doorway to deaths cold slab
songs that which i sing in memories of whispers and prayer
beating to the seductive release of that which isn't fair
i try and try to overcome this realities haunting sin
i dig deeper and deeper throwing away my soul within
twisting and turning seeping with silence
sleeping and spinning weeping in violence
learning to regret and never to forgive
unable to accept it was me who lived

I'll never get over you
Even though our time was fast
Memories of you forever last
What you've been through has made me blue
Taking your younger sisters wasn't right
I had second thoughts from the first night
My wife did too
They were 4 and 6 while you were 9
We lied to ourselves that this was fine
We flew home leaving you behind
Adopting the other two while dismissing you
It's what we decided to do...
I'll never get over you!
Seven years have past
Constant thoughts of you persist
And now there's no way to dismiss
Or hide behind a smiling mask; don't even ask
The question that haunts me still
Why we settled for this unthinkable deal
I'm taking myself to task
That even though you're on my mind
Most every day and all the time
I've still never been enough inclined
To have more than two and come for you
It's what we decided to do...
I'll never get over you!
*Story of a family who went to Ukraine to adopt three children and chose to only come home with the two youngest. The now, 16 year old girl, told me the story of being coldly rejected for convenience sake and begged me to find her a loving family before she aged out of the orphan home. (The story is told through the guilty eyes of the adoptive father).
Sponsor: Poet Destroyer A
Contest Name: Any Poem #21

Is it too late to declare that I have made an unfortunate mistake?
Is it too late to confess my erroneous miscalculation?
I took you for a father, a friend, a brother, a mentor not knowing that YOU
were only an impostor.
Pretending to care when I was in despair,
Pretending to celebrate when I was elated,
Pretending to mourn when I wore a frown.
Pretending, Pretending, always pretending.
So, answer this crucial question- is it too late to declare that I have made an
unfortunate or rather grave mistake?

I'm sorry I truly am for constantly complaining,
It's just that times are hard and it doesn't want to stop raining,
My problems, they aren't as bad as I make them out to be,
They're true, but they don't happen as drastically,
My dad, he doesn't worry about the present day,
He's more concerned about my future, 'bout what I'll do and say,
He says that he's changed, says I'm the way he used to be,
But he hasn't changed, and change I may never see,
I may not even be alive, if I can't handly all this pressure,
I mean to my next birthday I'm not even really sure,
But I mean, what a loss, there is no one who would miss me,
I'd like to see my funeral, how many people there would be,
I don't want attention, all I really want is love,
I can't get it, not from family, school, not even him above,
I'll stop now, no one's listening, probably talking to a wall,
I'll just go out pretend that I'm happy, and hope that I don't fall!

The Diamond in the rough has been lost in the masses of panicked flesh
He looks through the eyes of the unnoticed,
He thinks with the questioning of his being,
He only looks to escape the day
The Diamond in the rough only leaves in the night
bereft of joy he entraps his plight
He makes music alone waiting for pain to escape
he looks in the mirror and cries at his face
the Diamond in the rough he's escaped far away
He's tired of the masses he sticks to like clay
He walks the silk plains and travels alone,he's severed all contact with his past and his home
His potential may be realized and maybe it won't
He writes in his soul what his eyes have absorbed
They hear it and like it but they always want more
His soul's been exchanged by demons in suits
For MTV slots, platinum plaques,drugs,sex, and a bust in a room
The Diamond in the rough,no longer there lies
but he's had enough he's decided to fly
The fame and the fortune has darkened his day
It's tragic, but masses proclaim him cliche'
He knew they would view him as weak,and then scared
Nothing else mattered he was always prepared
He couldn't fear fear any longer inside
Alone in a tower a diamond he died

I'm Always Around
by BJ Welsh
I'm not near, but I'm really not so far
If you look up I'll be the brightest star
Looking down upon God's project earth
Watching and waiting for a rebirth
When you speak I will always listen
My points will seem to shine and glisten
Giving you guidance when things seem tough
Steady now it may be rough
When we meet again someday
Be it there or far away
I'm here for now and always will
Never escaping, did you feel that chill?
My spirit wind brushed by your side
Or the soft, gentle wave pushed by the sea tide
When we meet again someday
Be it there or far away
You've given me hope and reason to breath
It's not yet time for me to leave
I'm that fluttering seagull upon the sands
Maybe I'm the reason for you to dance
When we meet again someday
Be it near or far away

Lack of perspective
on a burdensome life
leaves us in pieces
near a sharpened, slick knife.
Smashing heads yet again,
to the wall I beat mine,
trying to break through
to our friendship in time.
My appearance lacks
motivation and heart,
locked away in my mind,
I am falling apart.
I don't treat such a treasure
like one should be loved,
stopped giving time of day to
my friend from above.
Care too much
and stow it all away,
making it look like I don't care
whether you leave me or stay.
A painful gut feeling may
nibble at my gray heart,
but I just fear the truth
and I don't know where to start.

The other day
You did
pull those curtains back
ever so gently
as you exposed me to the light
With your opening of windows
I could breathe again
The air
rushing in
I looked at you
and a tear jumped
from the corner of my eye
I knew your love
was never a lie
For you’re the only one
that has found the right key
That key
engages the happy me

It burns and it stings.
It hurts.
More than drowning beneath
the ice.
More than remaining in a
kindled flame
She hits and I no longer cry.
Why mother, why?
It burned and it stung.
The markings remained,
returned, and were relived
Looking, loving, and little
known loathing were the known
ways of living.
Never was their pity for the
child that cried
Never was their relief for the
child that tried
You were that lovely bird that
understood the complications of
felicity
Nothing looked the same in
those dewy browns of yours.
My everbeating would cry tears
of joy.
The others-they were yet to
appear.
Caring Mother, o' so fair
You were that beautiful bird
filled with care.
The others came and were not
alone. Their two suitors sat on
the throne.
Rampage and rage why did you
come?
I began to wither and wither
slumping along. So very soon I-
the child of fines- became a
human raceme.
The droops of the Lily of the
Valley became the slumping of
my heart.
My lovely bird the enemy had
taken you and the person you
were is far from near.
For that divine nature left its
intricate self and you became
irretrievable my big bird.
All of your fairness died.
With that went my pride.
Mother, Mother what moved
you so?
Your intense spirt vanished only
to supplement a monster.
Mother, Monster and your tar
filled lungs.
How did I kill that liver that was
so, so strong?
The lesson of pain was one you
came to learn.
My darling bird why did you
turn?
My lovely bird and your big
brown eyes
I'll tell you once, but never
twice.
Pain is only a flower for it
blooms and dies
And a mistake can be killed as
quickly as lice.
You dear bird hurt me well.
Though, haven't you heard?
Weakness is a souls greatest
strength.
You brought me up, then you
brought me down.
You haved helped, hurt, and
hindered my blazing spirit.
A hero in my heart-I left you
down in your deep black
slumber.
Escaping those terrible nights
To go for the town of delights.

I know of a brother, who’s lost and confused…
Many of his relationships, he’s already “abused.”
He’s not really sure, which direction he’s going…
There’s a lot of wise advice, that he’s ignoring!
He’s choosing to ignore the God who loves him.
And refuses to acknowledge how much he needs him!
He decided to leave his family behind him…
Perhaps, one day, they’ll be able to “find him!”
I pray for this dear brother! He needs prayer!
I know that wherever he goes… God is always there!
Please, dear Jesus, touch him with your kindness!
Without YOU dear lord… He’s walking in blindness!
No matter where he goes… Which path is taken!
God will always love him! He’s never forsaken!
The words of God, must somehow get his attention!
To give him a clear path, and a godly direction!
May the love of Christ, get a hold of his heart!
Coming to Jesus, is a good place to start!
Whatever this brother does, or where he goes…
Only the righteousness of God, can make him whole!
Dear Lord… Be with my brother! That he may know you!
During the journey of life, may he learn to trust you!
The path of God’s footsteps, gives one a true meaning!
May this brother acknowledge God!
And start believing!
By Jim Pemberton

I stand, alone.
Scratching for my truths,
peeling away the veneer,
I stand, alone, before this
impregnable cliff so sheer.
Cocooned in my solitary shell,
wrenching a smile from a tear,
I stand, alone, a little odd,
and definitely quite queer.
I stand, alone.

Set you free
I'm on the outside looking in
i hear your words, as they're sinking in
my head's filled up with your promises
but what remains is so much less
I'm on the inside looking out
i see the signs as they're singled out
redflags pop up and the end is near
i might be blond, but not dumb my dear
SO if you wanna go out and see
pretend we're not exclusively
I give you my blessing darlin
for you no longer are with me
I set you free, i let you be
I set you free
I'm on the edge of no return
u take my hand but i feel it burn
it's like the devil's keeping score
while angels speak & I cant ignore
Intuition is something I've learned
to trust upon as to not get burned
Surgesting hell, I know it's sad
the devil's own is someone i had
So if you wanna go out and play
seduce and excuse your ways
into the world of rock n roll
where lust rules, love's on hold
I'll set you free, i let you be
I see you free
Oh if you wanna go out and see
pretend we're not exclusively
I give you my blessing baby
for you no longer are with me
I set you free, i let you be
I set you free,
I set you free
I set you FREE!

It was the quiet that reasoned
With my mind –
As I continued to trudge
In the mundane –
Walking alongside me
Was only I –
Not a shadowed version,
But an exactness –
“But for why beats my heart”
I asked her –
A snicker the reply
Exotically dull –
“Slowly, I die”
My thoughts spoke –
From the neglect
She added –
I sat down to face her
Eyes of hollow –
Detached yearn,
Disconsolate spirit –
I wept for her heart –
“It is not meant for you,”
I reassured her dream,
The quiet did not reason –

Two hearts beat, now beating faster; beating until they're one
Two souls breathe, now breathing deeper; breathing until they're done
Two lovers see forever, and forever is where they run
One child comes home tomorrow for life has just begun
Even when the rainbow's glowing, the skies can seem so gray
Even when the wind's not blowing, the tides can turn your way
And when the water's raging, beneath skies that seem so blue
It's just your body aging, and it has nothing to do with you
So now when our God comes calling, I'll hold your hand and stroke your hair
Yes, as snowflakes start falling, I will look for you everywhere
And Mother, as you start flying, remember as you rise above
Marlene, you are not dying, but finding everlasting love
One child goes home tomorrow to embrace the Father and the Son
One child who knows no sorrow, for life has just begun

Remember all that time we spent on the back deck
At your parents house.
So very comfortable in that serene kind a way.
On that beautiful day
Late one may
Ill never forget
that sense of togetherness I felt.
My heart melted.
I knew I always wanted to stay,
right here
with you.
A comfort
altogether new
Just as beautiful
at It’s inside point of view.
They seen us and knew!
We where,
the best of friends.
Partners in a way that complements
with such grace.
Beatific, such as this spring breeze,
We cheer the coming of the warm months.
With a bottle of wine or two.
Those conversations I hold so dear.
Crazy
Intellectuals,
all together classy.
I still benefit from the knowledge past to me.
It’s been really hard
Being torn away from this
Knowing it was at the hand of my own demise.
I still love them,
With my convalescent mind.

If you could see me now
You will know what I’m going through
because in your heart you know
I just can’t live with out you
My heart is hanging on a string
Holding on to my feeling tight
And it refuses to give up
Even thought its losing the fight
And there’s nothing that I can do
My life is over, completely doom
I wish I could tell that to the birds
That’s singing out side my bedroom
Flying about on the tree branches
Then up to the sky they flew
Not knowing it’s the last day of my life
Because I just can’t live without you
Life is beautiful all around us
Mother natures’ at its full beauty
The big bright yellow full moon
Shines across the land and see
Miles of jasmines are in bloom
Rainbows of red, yellow, green, blue
All goes together so beautifully
But still not as beautiful as you
I am hurting more than I can bear
And no one even have a single clue
That today I bid the world goodbye
Because I just cant live with out you
I poured my feeling in my poems
Trying to empty myself of the pain
But it just invites fresh emotions
Inside me to hurt all over again
It’s the first time I ever love someone
And my heart is now forever hers
And if I can’t be with her
Living my life with lost its cause
Love isn’t finding some one to live with
That is not what love is about
Love is finding some one
That you can’t live with out
Today I decided to take control
Of my life for once and for all
Will climb to highest tree
And let my lifeless body fall
My last words ill, be the name of the girl
When translated means a “picture “
And I will explain our love story
In a last hand written letter
Please don’t judge me for this action
I tried so very hard honest I do
But my whole world just fall apart
Because I cant live without you
Mother may god give you the strength
To cope with what I have done
But you have your sons and their children
To help ease the pain when I’m gone

Too late
you push into my sphere
to breach my secret lair,
how dare you seek and find me here
within this raptured air!
Be gone
before I swallow down
the essence of your shape.
Your ups and downs,
your sight and sound,
and at your neck the nape.
A tender sample of a soul
too empty to explain,
I shall not venture to extol,
my agony and pain.
Not every monster has a heart
though you will not believe,
I was a monster from the start
your love will not relieve
the darkness waiting to consume
your light just like a thief ,
now leave me gnashing
on my doom,
and clawing at my grief.

There once was a girl
That had beauty and grace
Though beaten and broken
Had a bright smiling face
There once was a girl
Who felt aged and wise
Her heart was as large
As the stars in her eyes
There once was a girl
Who longed to be loved
Though she never quite
Found it till the man with blue eyes
He was strong and sound
He was older and wiser
Wipped the tears from her face
So trusted the man with blue eyes
There once was a girl
Who fell for the lies
Beliving and trusting
The man with blue eyes
There is now a girl
Her smile erased
Her heart splitting and bleeding
A lesson she learned
From the man with blue eyes

They say this will all make sense one day
He told me words of mind, words of worlds,
with the sound so familiar, echoing that we are not alone
I gazed, trying to find the hint, the rise.
From the window i watched, looking on the inside of your world
Such terror you see, and all i could find
were perfect skies, reflecting what is out there
But from your window, you knew these skies were hanging low
Our time was endless. Your spirit was forever.
Stuck to my heart, i never felt the hit.
As i rose above, i never thought i'd fall.
I never thought the ring worn so tightly around my finger would live on,
as you passed by.
Never, i would tell myself.
I would never forget, or replace our laughs.
The sound of our interrupting thoughts,
clashing at one another like a runaway train against soft rain.
We had lost our maps. We had lost all sight. All sanity.
The storm arose, as i sat in bed breathing.
My body aching, thoughts numbing my mind.
When will i wake from being awake?
Lying in a puddle, i search for the answers.
I beg for solutions, while tumbling over faults of my own.
Emotions tangled up inside of my stomach
like a ball of rubber-bands
Toxic to my health, they try to retrace the bonds
but they don't know where to start.
Nothing left but memories, All that's left is a four letter word.
Hush.

angels are sprawled
in the longest reach my children could snow-afford on my former green lawn
over-played carols over-play the car ride to the store, where they will continue
an embarrassment of lights dangle ‘side a staple-holed roof trim
somewhere not ‘nough off too far
there are
yards watching snowmen come and go
behind the windows that hold kitchens
the bills are a pilin’
the car’s in the driveway needing to be plugged in
the mailman’s griping ‘bout the weight of his sack
dropping off cards he’d gladly drag back
the t.v.’s got little relief
there’s a log burning on a 24 hour channel
that someone someday will commercial
the crap out of
office parties forum the drunk, “Here’s what I really think of you…”
spark the short lived, misappropriate romance
the mall cattle call. . . from parking lot to till
warrants wrappings to be hauled away
to some landfill
waiting for Valentine’s Day

I found you today.
Lost.
Lonely,
stuck inside your head.
Headed for self destruction
your emotions askew.
Thoughts so vivid,
their in constant review.
Painful memories
that are torching your mind.
My goal,
to ease them in time.
Emotional triggers
Like a loaded gun,
the hammer pulled back,
Bang your done!
They are all the same
for me,
admittedly no fun.
Please come back
up to the surface.
Take a deep breath.
Breathe in my love for you.
You can’t let them win,
when you know everyday
you must bargain
for a higher understanding
of humanity.
Brutal!
Cruel!
Narcissism,
it runs deeper
then just surface reflections
on the faces of others.
Come on,
pull yourself from under these covers.
Lets move around.
Will find away to shut them down .

I pull my shirt off
to check for the bulls eye
Today it’s there
so I’ll run and hide
but to no avail
I’m the pawn in your diabolical tale
premeditated and calculated
guess I missed the cookie crumb trail
no clues are friendship was going stale
you stabbed me in the back
knowing I'm emotionally frail
You blind sided me
and so likely is the story
that it’s just my luck
Now I’m always your excuse
when your talking about why you can’t drink it up
I hope you chock on those lies you poser
You’ll never help people
your an emotional bulldozer
Maybe one day you’ll suffer
from real emotional ills
Believe when I tell you
It Kills
Everyday I take a handful of pills
even then their is no guarantee
There's are days when negativity
and overwhelming pressures
consume my very being
and the crazy thing is the seeing
because it’s believing
witnessing me in a blank stare
I’m conscious,
but no one’s there
Just - My - Stare
Inside
I’m busy
with my clipper ship
I’ve floated upon your hurricane
and every little happy moment we ever had
has crying stinging pellets of mad

Tied to a life, encumbered by invisible chains:
Commitments and responsibility,
Obligations to colleagues and family,
Conformity to society’s morality,
And everything else that constrains.
Alone in a crowd, surrounded by invisible bars.
Nothing to say—nobody wants to hear.
Already been there, might just as well stop here.
Had enough of arguments, conflicts, strifes, and wars
And everything else that leaves scars.
Is there a reflection when I look in the glass?
Are there footprints when I walk on the grass?
When I pass a light is there a shadow on the wall?
Does my life leave a trace or am I invisible?
Did I turn left, when I should have taken a right?
I’m on a road that I don’t want to drive.
Is this all there is, just trying to survive?
I’m in the dark and feel like I’m buried alive,
And barely remember the light.
Was there a reflection when I looked in the glass?
Were there footprints where I walked on the grass?
When I passed a light, was there a shadow on the wall?
Did my life leave a trace or was I invisible?

Lost in a moment of waiting
patiently wasting away
Eventually, is my motto
and maybe is where I reside
Another sunrise, another sunset
I'm still here twiddling thumbs
Any day now is my hotel room
passing the time, is my specialty
Here I am again dillydallying
bidding away all my time
I'm another second closer
I know it's comming so so soon
There is no time to waste
That's what I've heard before,
but to me I find time plentiful
and so I toss it aside carelessly
lost in a moment of waiting
I'm still here twiddling tumbs
I'm yet another second closer
There is plenty of time to waste.

It was overwhelming, it was lovely
It was my definition of forever, it was empowering
I spread it into the sea
Into space, time, and everything in between or beyond
I spread it into their souls
I spread it throughout the forgotten dimensions
Betrayal, a curve ball
Unexpectedly knocking me from this universe
I floated, away from everything i had seen
I was spread, beyond the city
I was spread, further from the seas
Closer to the bottom
The light became dim
The light became an illusion
The truth had been unfolded beneath
Like a trench, eager to sub duct innocence of loyalty
For I had traveled so far...
The spark, what is now a burden
What now burns
For once, it lit the way
It guided the way that the mind created
The illusion we were eager to find
Now all that is left
And of course,
Only the foolish search for the spark

You’re gone for days, and
you always show up most
unexpectedly.
Like the mushrooms
that weren't there
the night before—
a ring of pallid sculls,
sleepers pushing through
the dark moist earth.
I always wonder:
are you toxic or
are you a delicacy...
Oh how I wish I knew
the plan that is set before me,
and your intentions...

Walking down memory lane,
Reminiscing everything with haze,
With all that had been before,
And what it has become of now.
The wind the way it used to rage,
And how it turned into a craze,
All the flowers that blossomed before,
Have now, withered to the core.
The once bright and clear rays,
That fell and lit up every place,
And now a dull beam of light,
Where it falls, no one knows.
The shadows behind us all the way,
Being there whether sad or gay,
Leaving us now and going astray,
Where they will go, is unknown till this day.

You dont need no friends
all they will do is hurt you
let them all go, why hold them up?
the family are so far behind,
they will never understand
we are so alone, in this life,
women want what you can give
i wont trade money for sex
or even a bit of attention
or a commitment of ownership
a culture of prostitution...
The poor people steal from you
the rich will rape you
not selling my rear for interest..
and the middle are just stupid
addicted to the drugs, the propaganda
I am the artist, the expressionist, the prophet,
alone, with one mission,
where are my pleasures?
cursed to teach this selfish culture
pathetic humans, suffering
too stupid to give anything
complaining, whining, frustrated,
They are about to destroy themselves
a collective suicide of selfishness
The other immortals tell me to have hope,
to love them, to teach them,
They arent my friends, so busy
teaching, and giving to the vampires.
The christians love war and murder of others
They worship, punishment, hatred, and money
the buddhists wont stand up for themselves and fight,
the middle road is lost.
The muslims are too busy oppressing women
and praying for heaven
The jews know nothing of love, only greed
They tell me i should feel special
i have so much to teach and give,
Jesus taught them forgiveness
helping the poor, loving all people
they crucified him!
The afterlife is so wonderful, they say,
if you teach love and forgiveness.
I am in this life now,
and all i find is tricksters, liers and decievers
I am tired of being alone,
The body is male, and only half of itself.
addiction to female energy
no control, clairvoyance gone
the suicidal idiots have something right
I am cursed to sit here and learn compassion,
patience, how to inspire them
teach them to love, and give to others,
all in the hope that they wont destroy themselves
Why cant i give up on hope?
they are pathetic, i am tired,
of the abuse, and anger, i evoke.
They hate me, unless i pretend,
smile the big smile,
and pat them on their back for selfishness.
They love you then,
I do not worship their god, of self-worship.
I wish i could, maybe i would be rich.
living off of the blood, sweat and tears of others
how nice that would be, to relax, no responsibilty
to give or love anyone except my family.
I am sure i will feel better tomorrow

be still my heart just hush
ill get rid of this big bad crush
if only you knew how much i care
the kind of love i have for you is rare
you dont even know my hearts on fire
and that your the one that i desire
i dream of kissing your lips
but when i wake away you slip
be still my heart just hush
ill get rid of thei big bad crush
i wish i could tell you how i feel
then your touch i wouldnt have to steal
you would be mine
with our hearts and body intertwined
i wouldnt have to dream
and i could be with you always
i wouldnt have to scheme
this secret is hard to keep
into my heart its etched deep

I am misery, who despises company.
I am the truth, who portrays lies.
I am the pain, that never subsides,
I am death that never dies.
I am disgusting, in the most beautiful sense.
I am stunning through despicable eyes.
I am elegant, in the most wicked way.
I am righteous, through evil ties.
I am pretty, through eyes of the blind.
I am special, through psychotic minds.
I am loved, in the hearts of the unkind.
I am the never of nothing defined.

what is interesting
is that
i feel like
all the others
that say...
"i know just how
you feel"...you know...
those recovered
ones that are
o.k..now.
i want to tell them
that i am not o.k.
cannot they see i
can hardly
open my eyes
but for the tears
that are streaming
down my face.???
oh, my darling
i see you everywhere
that you aren't;
but even more painfully
i see you
where you are.

Yester year grievous
brought events mischevious,
fulfilling fate malicious:
my worst fears,
my nightmares vicious;
I was oblivious
to how cruel life can be.
I suffered
soul turned cold,
heart in flames,
my existence- all in vain.
I withstood
all that came
and still waited:
come what may.
My heart burned,
my soul froze
my ego died.
I awoke
coming to life:
damaged,
yet emotionally indestructible.
No pain is painful nowadays,
no trouble would bother me,
no emotion may hurt;
The sacrifice was cruel,
yet it became fuel
for my new life.

The clouds are heavy,
cant hold for long,
tired of providing the shade all along,
tired of doing everything for a reason,
tired of wearing faces for every season,
tired of pretending to enjoy the fun,
tired of being always on the run,
tired of overlooking other's sin,
tired of being a cause for their win,
tired of worrying of what she might say,
tired of being the pavement of her way,
tired of acting foolish,of being a buffoon,
tired of being someone else's cushion,
tired of being a mother to someone,
tired of caring for the happiness of everyone,
tired of leading the multidimensional life,
tired of being the person I am not,
the clouds are heavy,
cant hold for long,
saturated, exhausted, its time to fall,
and clear the sky,
so that the sun may shine,
help discover myself - Who am I?

When you can longer run away from yourself
When you thought there were no more tears to cry
When you just want to die
Living like this consumed by the façade of a million lies
So many years, so many days
Waking up to people who no longer care you're there
You ask how can this be, one short organic vitality
Wasted with living; the slowest way to die
The shadows of shame weigh you down
Until you drown, filled with only their hate
All you can turns grey, and all you ever loved fades
The agony is all you know, thank you pain
A self-sadist Is all you have become, j
ust how they showed you, craving so much more
Just to hide up all of the misery
But under cloth it still bleeds
This is the Escapist's Plea
For the one who fall to their knees in misery
Trying to stay sane but fall under September's rain
Dying from the invisible disease, only you can see
Stigmatized by their sadistic need
Only if I could just fly away
...Fly Away

I sit and cry night after night
Scared to turn on the light
Afraid of what I mite see
That silhouette of me
Mirrors reflection casting shadows of the past
Times misfortune undeniably all I can grasp
My intentions full of pride
Yet hiding behind walls cemented lies
Sickly mucky gooey slimy smiles
Deserted sad lonely torturing miles
Alone I walk them without a hand
Embracing the drip dropping of times sand
Fading from site gone forever
A chance to relive them slim to never
Grasping for breath to inhale my demeanor
Loosing its weight becoming leaner

Plotting my new existences
living off hope and sheer willpower.
God,
who knew, their would be this resistance.
I tell the loved ones in my life,
this will take persistence.
Pray my kids wont end up as misfits,
and living this life doesn’t put us at a distance.
Falling down now is not an option.
Groveling at the feet of others is,
but to proud to admit.
Quick to bring it up in my face,
here I come in defense.
Putting you in your place,
I'll leave you with the proverbial kiss of death.
Please busy yourself
with someone else and there business.
I don’t think you know what nice is.
Maybe next time you’ll find this,
but in the meantime
find joy in someone else and there crisis’s.
Falling down,
well that’s what got us into this.
Not your fault,
I’m your best wittiness.
Don’t you think I will live the rest of my life
forever in debt to this.
Spend my time regretfully ashamed by the actions
that lead this consequence.
Like the loss of my one true love.
Talk about shame,
this story will give you chills.
Believe me when I say,
it will leave you with emotional ills.
How about the missing moments
I will never get back.
Six birthdays, Three Christmases,
Two for new years,
Or the loss of the life,
that made breath late that night.
For a moment all of her thoughts were on me
Waiting on me to breathe.
I wonder what she’s thinking of me.
Surely disappointed in everything.

At early dusk,
I watch the locked moon
and wonder:
Shall I comprehend
her still?
Careless me,
be better.
For, we are the night,
my sorrow,
and when she's gone
we are but alone.
(this was a poetic exercise I did thanks to another poet's suggestion - took first and last lines from 4 of Robert Frost's -
could be any poet - poems and mixed the words - then used them as my basis for vocabulary pool - didn't use all of
them and the only word I added was "alone" at the end - simply because nothing else fit. What a way to stretch the
brain!!! The four poems I used were: "The Sound of Trees", "My November Guest", "Locked Out" and "The Rabbit
Hunter". )

Do words hurt?
To be belittled,
talked down to,
dehumanized,
rejected of your very life.
To be objectified,
demeaned,
robbed of your mind
and spirit,
robbed of your individuality;
your very heart itself.
Do words hurt?
Or are they illusions?
Is equality a dream?
Do you notice it at all?
Walking day to day,
from place to place,
seeing the masses.
Do you feel their struggle?
Do you take the time to care?
To wonder if their lives are really equal,
like yours?
Do you dream in apathy?
Or are you awake in denial?
Do words hurt?
When used to steal.
Do words hurt?
When attacking,
when targeting,
when ostracizing,
humiliating;
or criticizing?
Do you have feelings too?
How would you feel?
If I talked down to you;
...in condescension?

I remember the war in Iraq
Seeing bombs falling from the sky
And parents trying to comfort
The children who were afraid to die
And I also remember some people
Who had happiness on their face?
As they watch on the news
And enjoy the war that was taking place
And then the long lines for gas
In Iraq that we see on Aljazeera
No one cares because they think
That could never happen in America
But who is in the kitchen
Will be the ones to feel the heat
And some takes life for granted
That there will always be food to eat
Now I look at hurricane sandy
And the destructions that it has cause
And I’m sure many of those affected
Are those who was happy for the wars
Innocent lives are lost in sandy
And I feel the sorrow in my heart
Some lost everything they have
All I lost is gas for my truck to start
Is this god’s way of saying to all?
Super powers nations of the world
Change your evil ways today
Or more natural disasters will unfold
The people in war torn countries
Their lifes seems to have no meaning
They are being killed for just gathering
Or even if they are having a wedding
I wish i can make it stop now
But my voices are just one
And it hurt me to be so helpless
While all these atrocities go on
So sandy brings pain and emptiness
Like no one believe it could do
To people who think they were immune
From feeling pain and suffering to
Until the day Jesus returns to earth
There will be wars and hurricanes
Tsunamis, typhoons, earth wakes
So till then we humans will keep suffering

Shades of color bounce within
Singing their hues dancing in place
Vivid lines colored outside
Rules broken with empty space
A midnights dream heard and seen
Gleaming from the twinkle of a eye
Wings touched flown and plucked
Gliding like a bird up in the sky
Wishes from pennies thrown into tears
The reservoir over flowing with pigments of pain
Drowning from the shadows
The flood paints the day
Words speak volumes of silence hidden
Their sounds blind to what they see
Mirrors of nouns and verbs
Their meaning and secrets lost at sea
Emotions ruled by laws of language
Spelled in boxes of glass
Melted from sands inside
That voices strangle to grasp

It's been so long since I could Feel you, Hold You
I'm wondering if it was Just an Illusion
For love For me could Not be real
Nobody could Love over The Borderline, not even I
So if you ask you'll know why I silently began to cry
I need you here, to hold me
I'm so scared
without You I just want to Sleep forever
Never stray away far
Save me From Desperation
Never Say It wasn't meant to be
I can't take this lie
You Kill me With this
So much
I hurt so much inside these words burn as I cry
This life is destroyed without you
The joy that comes is the Joy of the Empty
The despair I'm prone to maynever wilt I way
You could have been there
You could have saved me
but no you left
I was here to stay In the Dark
When the razor called me back
You could have been my light
throughout the eternal black
My Soul Has yearned for
but where are you
Please come back to me
I desire just a one word of comfort
just from you, only from you
Tell me this is just a Lie
Just a Hallucination from my Mind
I'm suffering
I'm Dying
I Need you
I'm begging just for one word
please save me from Desperation
I'm the Petal
You're the Wind
Without You I can never go Far
You're not here
I'm now stranded alone
In the plagued island of my mind
only if you were here
only If you here
You could have
Saved Me From Desperation

It was a voice in my head
A whisper in my ear
A sound I've come to dread
A thing I've come to fear
It was the look in its eyes
On a face whiter than snow
Seeing through all my lies
Uncovering that I do not show
It was the power in its stare
Showing what I don't want to see
Saying your time is near
And you can neither hide nor flee
It was the words it said
Creeping into me in a whisper
Telling me that she is dead
Telling me I know I'll miss her
It was what it forced me to see
Things I've hidden away with denial
Things I said I'd never be
For which I'll surely stand on trial
It is what I will become
A thrall of the shadow
Death's own son
Libera nos a malo!!!
It is what I feel
Black bleak sadness
Pain I wish wasn't real
Driving me to the brink of madness
It is what I stand for
My prerogative
The urge to always be more
My reason to live

a simple wish...
no fancy words
no more clever rhymes
no more slickly crafted verse
just a simple wish
to cherish the moments
in-between the hue and cry of this life
no more the dull-edged jab
no more the anger and the strife
a simple wish
beyond the wasted hours and the days and the blurry fears
a simple wish
of a simpler life
after all the bitterness of the passing years
and so
to retire from the hustle
to flee from the hollow wasted breaths that have been breathed
to bid the emptiness farewell
while
ushering in the new tomorrow
bathed in the soft glow of hope
and kissing adieu to all the hurt and all the doleful sorrow...

Somewhere inside, I’m broken,
Fragments of flesh and glass,
Memorials rococo of vision,
Flicker, crumble and pass.
Emblems of hollow achievement,
Semblance of scarcity glance,
Shadowy flutters of moth wings,
A retreat for every advance.
Nothingness pinions the future,
Screens shining whiter than snow,
Essences, cigarette burning,
On celluloid tatters aglow.
Somewhere inside, I’m broken,
A jigsaw of childhood and age,
And so is the sterile communion
With all that I failed to engage.

While
I wait
here alone
feeling helpless,
the emptiness in
my heart aches to be close
to you and really feel your
loving arms around me and that
warm embrace I crave every night as
I wait here alone patiently and still.

I once thought to have the world within my grasp, that all I needed I already had.
I once thought to be unable to feel more happier than I was while you were around.
Only way to make it better, was to change our worlds of ones and zeroes to contact of the flesh itself.
Even though I realized it, I choose to deny it. I was sorely mistaken about you and I, and this and that.
You smiled when you lied about your feelings.
"I cannot give to you more than this" you said with an evil smirk while observing me from afar.
The smirk, was it real or imaginated?
I do not know, and I fear I will never know, my mind play tricks on me once and again.
Misleading me to believe, like it allowed me to believe in your words.
Words... Amazing how powerful it can be, use it well and one can find pleasure, use it well, and one can find the demise of the soul.
leaving an empty husk behind, like you left me. An empty husk longing to be filled, once again, with the colors of joy.
Coming from the other side of the world, I felt your words and disdain like piercing cold knives straight to my heart, once warm, now cold, since you left.
And following your words you went away to never come back.
Along with you, went away also the joy and happiness I dared to thought to be eternal, a sweet lie I was telling myself...
Even today, after so long, I still think about you and I, your mesmerizing gaze that made me forget and float, your enchanting laughter and the warm and soft touch I told myself that you had.
Touch that I will never feel, laughter I will never hear, again, and eyes that I will never meet, again.
When you left, I was torn, between love and hatred. Now the hatred is gone and the love morphed to friendship, which I would like to share with you.
The Mauritius girl, will my words reach you?
I guess they will not, but I like to hope, to dream.
Hopes and dreams, the accessories of the weak...
A weak being, that I am, a being to be filled with fake bliss, five by day.
Three by the sunrise and two when the diamonds imbue the skies.
As like that, the curtains shall rise and fall before my eyes, at each passing empty day.
And so I live on, even if that means to not have you anyway I can... The only way I can...
For now, I just wonder, if will I ever find it again while I live? The joy and wonder, I mean.
I ask this chair, I ask the other me on the looking glass and I ask my shadow.
I guess these are the only companionships I will ever have until I meet my final doom.
My shadow, my other broken me and this chair and my memories, of you and I...

I chased you
And fell down
the rabbit hole
Tumbling through the
doorways of my mind
And the deranged mess
of a love denied
(why couldn't u love me?)
the same sad refrain
I thought I could better you
It was about me shining
my divine light on you
Making u beautiful
I could have done it
But you wouldn't let me in
Shades of a horse in armor
Casts shadows at the race
But I'm alone
at the starting gate
It was exhilarating
to capture your fancy
And as heart-breaking
to loose it so quickly
And within every smirk, smile or joke
I saw hope for a different future
And so I cling to that.
Missing you
Wishing you
Missed me.
But u won't let me in.
Who will I be at the end of this?
Out of the rabbit hole
She comes
Perhaps madder
Sadder
Than
Before

She cries a monsoon of tears,
tears cascading, tracing years,
years of witnessing such pain,
pain which constantly remains.
Torrential rains down pour hate,
hate seems to be her final fate,
fate is now in his brutal hands,
hands weaving an evil so grand.
Spinning a violent web of deceit,
deceit and a dishonorable defeat,
defeat carefully woven and spun,
spun fibers of promise are none.
She bellows and wails to be free,
free from this impending misery,
misery and agony have set a tone,
tone of darkness; forever alone.
The heavenly stars shine overhead,
overhead they reflect love instead,
instead of darkness, light they beam,
beam bliss into her nightly dreams.
Warming soul, she’s always alone,
alone to face a fear of the unknown,
unknown what the stars will erase,
erase the years of an empty embrace.

Behold! unto me it will ever so cling,
Often wonder why it lingers on with me,
Untold, it is to make the church bell ring,
Akin to a dark shadow it owns the locked key.
Unchain it from my body please,
Unfathomable within me are it’s depth,
A quest so forceful will be the need as is,
To get to , where fate has it kept.
Up above for it we peeked and looked,
Down below for it we did search,
Alas! The icy claws had it hooked,
Solitude the path to rock in from it’s perch.
Forward,I aired with calming mind,
Ahead I moved with a stance so soft,
Frozen heart now melted to be kind,
My thoughts they said by now were aloft.
Reflect I practiced every morn for sure,
Pondered much I for every need,
Pure Thought, me knew was the only cure,
For now all that is put forward is pure deed.
Content am I with my present self,
Away has travelled the devlish reign,
Calm is my mind content in itself,
Dark thoughts they say I must abstain.
Every morn ,now it awaits for me,
To a cool breeze and a warm smile,
And when I look out so green is the tree,
My life they see has just begun to be worthwhile.

You use it every day.
It is a basic part of life now.
Maybe it’s the flicker of the radio
Or the buzz of a computer.
It is used every day to make our lives simpler and less stressful.
Is it really helping us though?
It does make our life simpler
But is this a downward spiral into emotionless and effortless life?
A life where instead of real soldiers with real emotions
are sent to fight,
A drone controlled by someone at a computer is used to kill innocent civilians.
The drone is emotionless.
No compassion for other beings and no feeling of guilt or regret.
This is the future,
an emotionless drone controlled by someone at a computer.

How about them times!
Some of them seem so goofy now,
But what fun it was.
How we laughed an laughed.
What’s missing now
Is your face
I was your ace.
Not a foot print
I wouldn’t trace.
Always wanted to be in your good grace.
Never to act in hast.
He would of never made it his place,
To judge you;
Is a lack of conversational taste.
The fact that I adore you is but one of my truths.
The way you shaped my views
Puts others to waste.
They have no clue
to what the world holds outside of there face.
I can help,
But I’m not the man you where Dad.
Sometimes I get so sad.
And for real even mad.
The world took the best person I ever had.

Our country has sinned, and many don’t know it!
Any reverence for God? Many refuse to show it!
We have sinned greatly, in our desire
to leave God behind!
And have tried our best to remove him from our minds!
Even a cross or nativity is most often, not allowed!
The atheists? You’ll find them
in most every crowd!
We’ve traded God’s commands for our own “rules.”
How dare you mention HIM in any of our schools!
Whatever pleases the flesh is predominantly enjoyed!
As many people seek to fill an “empty void!”
Those standing for righteousness are often scorned.
“Don’t preach about God!”
They’re often warned!
The freedom God gave us.. We’ve turned it around!
Perversions and addictions greatly abound!
His judgment is coming! People may laugh.
But our country will endure his holy wrath!
Our only hope is the get back to God’s word!
His message of salvation needs to be heard!
Only Jesus can give a peace and love so secure!
We need him more than ever! That’s for sure!
Through Christ’ blood, we can be a new creation!
Please come Lord Jesus and heal our nation!
By Jim Pemberton

UNSUPPORTED CODE We often hear this topic across our nation.
Another person crying; “discrimination.”
In our many attempts to not discriminate.
It seems like it’s God that we seek to eliminate.
It seems like we’ve come up with our own “rules.”
And somehow have turned into a bunch of “fools.”
We accept many perversions of various kinds…
But God himself? We seem to close our minds!
In many of our lives, we’ve “kicked “ him out.
And refuse what he really is about!
The words, “In God we trust...” Our money bears it!
Anything of God? We’re afraid to share it!
It seems like the courts almost say he doesn’t exist!
And have brought much confusion into our midst!
As many say it’s “offensive” to display a cross…
Many godly values have already been lost!
It’s time to wake up America! And begin to see!
The kind of country we’re beginning to be!
A country that’s foundation is getting off course.
Being driven by a wicked and ungodly force!
Out only hope is in God! And him alone!
We must invite him back into our homes!
To God and his word we must hold secure and fast!
He is our only hope that our country will last!
By Jim Pemberton

Any reason
I will choose to
not feel
nor yield to you...
why should I?
I see no reason to
burden myself.
Quiet!!!
Such a pest you are...
conscience.
Wielding that 'holy' status
trophy-like!!
Groan...hmmmph!
What is it with you?
Anyway...I refuse
to feel, yield to this.
I am....right!
You heard right...I'm RIGHT!!!
I'm right....I'm...(sigh!)

Please Touch Me, Lord Jesus!
Please touch me, Lord Jesus!
I need you!
I come now, because I want
to be with you!
Bless me with your presence!
I patiently wait!
I need your now! Before it's too late!
Touch my life with your Holy Ghost' fire!
Move me with a godly passion
and holy desires!
Come now! And bring a revival within!
Show me your ways!
And cleanse me from sin!
Thank you my Lord!
For doing what you do!
I am so honored and blessed
to know YOU!
By Jim Pemberton

If We Lose Everything… There’s Jesus!
We have seen the destruction of various storms!
They come swiftly and in many forms!
So many people have lost everything they had.
I see their look on t.v. And it’s very sad!
I wish I had the money to buy them a home.
So many look lonely and feel all alone!
I wish I could “wave a wand” and make it go away.
I wish to encourage them, with what I have to say
In spite of all of our nation’s goals and ambitions.
It can’t make up for life’s
adversities and afflictions.
Calamity and heartache can quickly appear!
And much of what we have. can soon disappear!
If I can encourage the many who’ve lost so much…
I pray you’ll be strengthened
by God’s loving touch!
Won’t you let him help pick up the “broken pieces?”
He can bring hope and total completeness!
He’ can build and restore that which has been loss!
He does it willingly! And already paid the cost!
It may seem like you have just lost everything…
You have no idea, what kind of comfort,
Christ can bring!
Won’t you allow him to restore your life today???
He’s more than able to do it,
in a gentle and loving way!
By Jim Pemberton

The door of my bedroom is closed
Sunlight filters in through the curtain
I quietly lie down in bed
In this my sweet little haven
My cozy warm bedroom is safe
I feel my soul is truly free
No one dares to harm me in here
The whole world can just let me be
I pull up the covers real tight
As I hug close my teddy bear
I revert to being a child
A child with no worry or care
My eyes wonder around the room
But focus on a memory
My rapid breathing evens out
As I relive sweet history
The people outside of my room
Leave me filled with stifling fear
I am left confused and unsure
As I brush away a stray tear
I’ve forgotten how to mingle
Socializing just gives me stress
Whatever I may say or do
Leaves me an emotional mess
Yet here in my room I am free
To converse with great eloquence
I talk to me, myself, and I
With such amazing confidence
I simply write and write and write
I resolve to love, laugh and live
I have not a single worry
About what I should do or give
Do you think that I’m a recluse?
A modern day hermit, you say?
It could be, but this I do know
I’m having a wonderful day!

Would that you see the eyes of a burning dragon?
For he to be the first you kissed,
Would that you see the tears of a fallen maiden?
For she to be the first you missed,
Reflect, for it is then your flagon of mead, that betrayed grin.
Shadows of a man, would that you be then
As a sip of pain to a swig of gin;
You cast all aside for a lot of unanswered questions
What wouldst that thou be sir? I request confessions!
Would that your startled eyes see double?
For then that you beg be allowed penance,
No penitent man! Would that you see more pain;
For I cast it out, and you cast a sentence.
Still, in the shadows, you see troubles gain.
I command this you whisper to your beloved one;
'I set you free, in truth, in light you shine alone '
What would that you be for her, ergo a dove’s patience?
Patiently gallivanting round her love, not with it since.
Sir I ask at last and final, what wouldst thou be?
Knave, Brute, Scoundrel, aye… all apt for thee!

The beauty I see in things
makes me so sad....
For when I find something beautiful,
It may never be quite that way again.
A summer day
an autumn breeze
a color in a sunset....
your warm hand held in mine.
Why do i still hear your name....
in my head....
Faint,
tired....
so tired.....
almost dead.
My soul still whispers to God for you
without me even thinking....
So thoughtless,
hopeless,
longing,
sadly dreaming.
Unbearable.......
That sweet old dream of being in your arms
my frame stood secure in yours
You were thin and warm and sturdy.....
soft coat of yours so cozy.................
Your face emanating ‘happy’....
Too soon, you began to fade away......
In tears I closed my eyes
and held on tight.....
Oh, I couldn’t bear to watch you disappear again
But I felt it, all right.....
Your memory....
I’ll stuff in the dark of my mind
in an ebony box
And keep it so tightly shut....
Tied with a long, dripping ribbon of blood
And thus my healing has begun.....
But I’ll still be on the run.........
No love deserves to live so long...
then die alone, so painfully.
Never again will this soul feel so trapped---
so helpless----
and so...........free......................
sorrylittlesharky.com

I sold my soul to the bottom of the beer bottle. So what if I want to wallow around
with this low self mentality . A sip here a sip there, why not sip everywhere ...you
see?
You see, you really don't care when you have the mentality to wallow in the hallow
of a bottle.
I sold my soul to the bottom of the beer bottle;burning out the aching pain that
causes me to be insane with so much shame.
Boy,the bottom of the beer bottle isn't where I really want to be?You see the
bottom of the beer bottle did not bother me; but now ,it's really affecting me.
Ican't eat sometimes I can't even sleep,because the bottom of the beer bottle is
calling me.It's really beating my body.How can I ever benefit when the bottom of
the beer bottle is calling me?How could this ever happen to me?
When I used to win and grin, beating the bottle;what I once to beat is now beating
me and my body.The bottom of the beer bottle is calling me.
Idrink it waking up and drink it lying down.The bottom of the beer bottle has a tight
hold on me.The bottom of the beer bottle is calling me.

A crippled mass of beggars
Each at the corner of every street
Deformed by cruel and greedy hands
They perform their daily feat
Of scrounging from the passers by
The people in their cars
Their pathetic, doleful entreaties
Oh, how my heart it scars
Yet who is the beneficiary
In this profit-full career?
I'm sure it's not these limbless souls
Whose lives are not there nor here.......
Whose plight we don’t wish to hear

The sky seems blue,
From seashore the water seems blue,
But this is my outter world
Where everything blue is beautiful,
Instead in my inner world,
The blue makes me feel blue,
Since there's one blue I see,
One blue I feel,
What am I to do?

Can innocence lost
Be ever returned
Or a heart, tainted and broken
Be cleansed, made whole once more?
Can a tree, longing for summer's warmth
Summon its leaves from cold autumn grounds
To return to naked branches
That it may feel joyful and alive again?
Can a child, disillusioned
Relive broken dream
Changing fate
To find naivety return?
Can joy be had in innocence lost
Or beauty be discovered, resting in sadness?
When birth of spring and warmth of summer pass by
Till all that remains is the still and quiet of winter
Will warmth be rekindled?

She lives in my heart
but I live nowhere
lost to love
in eyes of ocean blue
crystal coral fears
caressing weeping wounds
I can feel her lips
like summer’s jagged sunrise
shards of salted skies
stinging swollen memories
beaded flesh evaporating
my lust for life
She loved me
until I forgot how to love
to hold her heartbeat
cuddle the complacent night
where I now wander
endlessly
searching for why

I watch the bird as it flutters by,
I wish as a bird I too could fly,
To get away from the hurt and pain,
To see up there what I can gain,
I'd like to see the world from up there,
And never have to be worried scared,
I wish I could be seen and heard,
Just like that fluttering little bird!

A childhood basked in the essence of sheer betray.
Through the eyes of innocence; love found a way.
Damaged, not completely broken by the memories.
I am the woman I am today, for what you did to me.
Abuse, pain and torture, from my lover yet I stay.
Through the eyes of madness; love found a way.
Amidst those eyes of hatred, a daughter it did bring.
Beautiful and dainty; a painful heart now proudly sings.
Vicious shots of venom; at my cost and my dismay.
Through the eyes of verbal abuse; love found a way.
Each poisonous word out of mouth, helped me realize.
The loving husband persona was only a crafty disguise.
A psychological diagnosis, as if I were on display.
Through the eyes of insanity; love found a way.
Creativity blossoming with the passing of each word.
Articulate with a passion for my life's saga to be heard.
A past full of trauma has made me whom I am today.
Through the eyes of victory; love found a way.
Life has many trials which all of us must endure.
But love will find a way to open those closed doors.

Time's moments takes it's toll
adding gravitational pull
To a body, so weighed down
His chin can touch the ground
With pain visible on his face
He lives sans his wit, and grace
A life of selfishness, his crime
now sentenced, to a duel with time
And time's blatent tenacity
plus it's control over eternity
Reminds the man how much it's cost
for him to realize what he's lost
So he wears time's final wrath
As he walks life's thorny path
All alone without a friend
He walks the path to journey's end

I do miss them everyday,
To state the facts
I know ill never get them back,
Sleep that's what I lack
In
Conversational
Understandings
We got each other,
because they where just- that- smart
A want to interact,
with us,
as equals,
but we where aware,
they where parents.
This,
Absolutely okay.
The vision may be myopic,
but I will never,
blame them.
For being naive

Dissuade me
From the loyalty of love
And the widows of why
From concealing color
This makeup I cry
Dissuade me
From believing in marriage
And that pain turns bland
From reconciling resolve
And staying my hand
Dissuade me
From cheating my children
By bleeding my tears
From staining innocence
And screaming their fears
Dissuade me
From hating my husband
And divorcing this disgrace
From abusing this trigger
Like the bruises on my face

Those Distant African Nights...
1.
The shadows swayed in your candlelit room,
a cool breeze teasing your bare back,
streaks of lightning forked in the Johannesburg night,
as my hands stroked your hair,
kissing your soft mouth,
holding you,
ever so tight.
2.
You whispered that you loved me,
and I kept silent,
the rain fell,
shadows danced,
thunder rolled,
the breeze teased your naked back,
you whispered that you loved me,
as my lips found yours,
the rain washed over our tender nights,
lightning and candlelight,
etching poems on your burnished skin,
yet,
a fear gnawed at me,
deep within.
3.
We parted ways,
and you could never forgive me, you said,
now, after numberless thunderstorms,
the rain that falls,
echo the countless tears that I have shed.
4.
You are long gone,
far away,
happy, I pray,
yet the memories persist,
those precious moments shall never,
ever,
like the Jo'burg rains,
trickle away,
and I wish you well,
for loving me as you did,
for it was I who was not worthy,
then,
and it is I who is not worthy,
now...
5.
You were always true,
it was I who always,
always,
refused to,
to give myself,
completely to you.

I watched the love of two hearts crushed today,
So much pain and sadness there was nothing to say.
For so very long the writing was on the wall,
For some reason it just was not noticed at all.
Oh how the blame seems to be everything and everyone,
Not for a moment do they realize what they have done.
The sarrow they feel is so hard for them to conceive,
Don't want to face the truth and they will never believe.
Only themselves to blame and that's going to be awhile,
Before either of them will find a reason for them to smile.
Broken hearts and thier worlds have been torn apart,
Makes me wonder will they know how to make a new start.
Nothing good ever comes from so much deceit and lies,
To see no trust or faith just makes me want to cry.
It's not really their fault so young and without any clue,
May be years before they learn how or what they must do.
WE can only pray for them that they will find their way,
The happines and joy they deserve will be found on that day.
I watched the love of two hearts being crushed today,
To see so much sadness , there's not much anyone can say.
TAC

You've lived a nice life
with little you have to fear.
Those few moments
you felt a twinge of fear,
you had the good luck,
or the good sense,
to retreat,
and you breathed
a deep sigh of relief,
and maybe,
for a good moment,
you reflected,
on your good fortune
not to be born among those or,
of those,
for whom fear is always
a good part of life.
But, for you, the fear soon passed
and you always took advantage
of your advantage,
and only gave a passing thought
to those, who at any moment
might be denied justice, or
found one day mutilated
and raped in a hotel room, or
dragged to death down a
country road, or
left pistol whipped to death
and hung from a
Wyoming fence.
You see little connection
between these things
and your nice life
and the little
you have to fear.

Such a thin veil
As translucent as can be without being clear.
Stretched Taunt hardly any give.
Can you hear my heart echo off its surface?
Always wondering why others can not.
Eye's search, fingers stroke probing for weakness?
Or just drawn to the smooth calling surface.
At times I think have the tears weakened it?
Have they made it soft?
At other timesI believe layer upon layer.
Drop by drop this facade has been hardened.
Strengthened by the very thing which most would not want to subject it to.
The paper facade, though thin is resilient.
Permanent if need be, it's presence necessary.
For without it all would be layed bare.
And I care not for this most precious of things to be unprotected.

My days are filled with flames nostalgia;
sin peeled away the walls of my heart,
torn my faith apart...
like burning acid it consumed me!
i look at my life and is empty!
hands bathed with the blood of broken dreams,
my heart cries out loud...
"save me from myself."
the world around me is unimaginable
i strech hands like a Roman slave being crucified...
and...and pray for the mythified to be truthified.
i brought upon me waves of self destruction;
i hear my heartbeat like a dreamy peice of music,
hope seeping through secret holes!
"save me from me"
save me from myself.
in my distress i call upon you Lord...
save me from the evil within me...
save me from myself

If I seem down
forgive me
frowns I carry around
live in me
you may say,
ya' see right through me
your words untrue,
renew me
the hurt I’ve learned
brews in me
if only you could
re-design me
take time rewind,
refine me
recreate the mold, without lies I’ve told;
give back the soul I sold.
®~JSLambert

Up
Up
Up
Blue forever
Precipitation flying
Soaking up the Earth’s hate -
Till bursting
Her tears drench the earth
And feed her helpless
Down
Down
Down
Into His tormented soil
Filled with vermin
Destroying every breath -
Till Bursting.
His Hate rises…

A test of limits
to crumble a palace
half constructed of dreams
and rebuilt hopes, manufactured
from old green pastures
torn fallow by divots of
malevolent life, a chasm forged
of intimacy far too close, no
stage to act upon in test runs
or delight
Change ushers forth from barren
lands, but only when day breaks
does the earth, so saddened, find
the courage to respond.

We boomers, as our generation’s called,
have lived through two seasons, considered great,
during which our values were overhauled --
The Summer of Love and Autumn of Hate.
Both brought us together and gave us hope.
In the face of injustice, both were staged --
the first, a celebration with free dope,
the other a tragedy that enraged.
We were innocent in ‘Sixty-Seven;
we saw world violence and were appalled.
Our attitudes changed by Nine-Eleven;
we sought revenge, though we were shocked and galled.
While Winter of War passes, may we find
The Spring of Renewal and peace of mind.

Do you ever find yourself starving
eating the words you just said.
Or that thing you did,
that makes you hang your head in shame.
This is my reality!
I never wanted my life to turn out this way.
Had things not slip from the track I placed us on,
you’d never been gone.
Course maybe I’m wrong.
Things could have been destined for failure all a long.
In that case I was screwed either way.
Yet that doesn’t ease the pain,
that I face on a day to day basis.
I miss looking in the mirror at our faces.
Their are those times when all my thoughts are gathered.
Placed in one small unit.
Their shut off to hear your laughter.
Yours,
is the only conversation I’m after.
I could be struck dead in that moment,
and know I died happy.
Maybe this is the best thing that could happen for me,
Because
I’m scared of a complete loss of you.
I’m like a baby boy,
still needing to be held & feed then tucked into bed,
a sweet dream and a kiss on the forehead.
I’m beginning to think I never was alive,
till this moment.
Reflecting back;
I cringe at those thoughts that put me where I am today.
I think about you crying,
or those times we fought,
and this puts me in a sad way.
Especially those times you begged me to stay.
Now I walk for miles in those shoes,
begging just the same.
Tragic Irony,
Everyone around can see,
but me.
Karma, definitely.
This is coming in 10 fold.
Teaching me what it feels like not to have the one you love
To hold.
If this were a card game Id understand why you’d fold.
Playing these cards to bold.
Right now I’m in the darkness, butt ass naked and cold.
You’re looking down to say
How’s this feel Jay?

A Chipped Heart...
Dreaming, my heart brittle as glass,
my solitary facade a pitiful farce,
shards tearing out of my skin,
seeking release, from cages within,
I am lost, in the dream,
bellowing out a silent scream,
torn from reality, drowning in the now,
yet I refuse,
I refuse to succumb,
I refuse to bow.
My chipped heart, may be wounded,
wreathed in pain,
still,
I believe, love, truth, belonging,
will take my hand,
again...

So persistent...
Your name will be whispered
with my dying breath
Subconscious echoing in my head
And you know I never asked for it
I wish it had never come to this
It’s so funny, I could cry
Hurts so bad that I can’t stop laughing
I’ve gone beyond insane
Been driven far beyond feeling
I used to feel too young for this body
Inside was a terrified child
who couldn’t grow up
But now i feel so old....
so weak...so tired...
so numb....
so hollow and empty and cold.
Because I’ve loved you against my will, my love
I’ve loved you against my will
Life without you is a fate worse than death
I’ve loved you against my will
to live.
sorrylittlesharky.com

No form, no organization, no verse.
A crescendo followed by silence and screams.
A wooden home locked inside of a concrete tome,
With a world collapsing while we keep relapsing
And again the past resurges; what we bury tends not to stay that way,
After all, the piper must have his pay.
A dark closet and we’ve seen fit to rot in it
The Devil in the details told me to be his advocate.
And El Dorado’s gone because a city of gold just wasn’t sustainable
But if it’s attainable then you’re damn right it’s going to be painful.
And death isn’t an option for those of us who feel compelled to keep walkin’
On the sand-- or is it ash? It doesn’t really make a difference while they slash
Their prices by depriving kids of rice and pin open their eyelids
For their twenty hour shifts ‘till they try to plummet themselves off of
Concrete cliffs.
And Macondo is Columbia, unless it’s in the Gulf of Mexico,
but you already knew that, Mr. Critic.
But what are you going to do with it?
Frankenstein was the man, not the monster
The confusion first came when our blame ceased to reclaim
An association between dissociation and our relation
To whatever the truth may have been
‘Cuz it certainly isn’t the truth anymore.
Blank pages in our textbooks and you ask me to memorize it
Regurgitate it and tell you what you want to hear--
My foods teacher says no eating in her class
And sees fit to harass her students with her utter lack
Of discernible knowledge while we cook some Kraft Mac and Cheese.
But who can blame her with the pay she’s getting?
No Telemachus on the television—Nor do we see Stephen
Not while the Situation is breathin’, cuz that’s what’s loved by the station.
Where’s the frustration? The indignation with the ignorant elation
That comes with living in a used-up world?
Dig a treasure map out of the trash and get it unfurled,
You walk to the ‘X’, but it’s been dug up—no wonder it was in there in the first place.
And the esoteric is what they find hysteric ‘cuz they’re all in on the joke
That they find so funny ‘cuz the system is broke.
Politics in work, in life, in marriage, in LIFE,
The wall of separation was torn down it seems, and soon you’ll find them tapping your dreams.
Enjoy watching your people’s nightmares, O Creators.
Tell us it’s what we want.

Lonely people in a crowd, lonely people all around
People chatting everywhere, sounds of laughter fill the air
Laughter loud throughout the room, loud pulsating empty sound
Inconsequential chatter, idle gossip all can share
Lonely people in a crowd, lonely people all around
Laughter ringing in the air, laughter hiding their despair
Chatter, chatter everywhere, the intellectuals and the snobs
Doctors, lawyers, accountants, sad drunks and gay movie stars
Young girls flirting, men staring, overweight people eating like slobs
Part time hookers , some divorcees and the men with large cars
And yet together their patter it means nothing at all
Their laughter so empty as it drifts down the hall
Desperate lonely people, wandering in and out of bars
Unhappy people grabbing at air, their lives filled with lies
People who won’t comprehend money won’t buy you the stars
People with no real meaning to their dull and hollow lives
People without knowing, giving out sad empty vibes
Lonely people in a crowd, soundless sobs and soundless cries
Chatter, chatter everywhere, as shrill laughter fills the air
I don’t want to be part of that empty shallow sound
Laughter ringing in the air, laughter hiding their despair
I want to be needed with caring people around
I don’t want to hear my empty laughter in the hall
I can’t bear to think that life has no meaning at all.

How to abate the loathing
When words mean nothing?
There are moments
In human existence
When
Any resistance
against baleful fate
is futile.
When
One is left
with his thoughts
Forsaken
by all gods
Astonished immensely
by the world vile
which first
gave him birth
and now
devours him
with mirth
Agonizes he
in every spot
on the Earth
Where does his heart belong to
Never will he learn
How to console such a man
When all words would burn?
How to abate the loathing
When words mean nothing?

Cold and damp winter fog
Creeping, seeping, contemptuously
Deepening, ever more heaping,
Invading, pervading my soul.
Like pulling off the freeway,
The "I" now moves at a different speed,
Trapped in a helter skelter tempest.
Slipping past the cool mists of autumn,
Descending further into the depths,
Of the season my soul is despair.
Emotional atmospheric air so full,
Like Santa Claus's gift of toys,
Laden of tortuous mental moisture,
Flooded with the tears
Of my very being this day.
There is no other.
Heart heavy gravity
Weighs, awaiting some opening
To pass for existence.
Thickness of black aura,
Like my head thick in gridlock,
Each breath from this swamp
Swells to quagmire of quicksand,
Smothering, gasping, guttural.
Gutter real, but no eyes
To see beyond the invisible.
Trodden, berated, disheveled,
Full of confusion and frustration.
No answers to conflagrant queries
Until hope open a passage
To sail beyond Dante's levels.
Time in this valley is
Dreary, a depressed desolation.

Your unwavering stance
Occupied a barren region,
Lingering there like a withering flower
Before you ultimately departed;
I suffered beforehand –
Missing our laughs, and talks,
And trips to new places -
I endured your scarcity,
I mourn we loss the time
To conquer our declining bonds
Previous to your leaving, and you
Finding a new dwelling place,
Somewhere I cannot visit – presently;
The ever unfathomable crevice
Between us -
Befalls a mystery to me,
I meditate upon the why.
What threw us into that chasm?
Our not holding each other dear,
Dropping us into that never ending abyss -
I assumed it would pass with the rain,
Then we would have another day,
Another laugh, another talk, one more hug.
It never came to pass -
With great sadness –
Tears grasp around my throat, my mind, my heart.
I shake my head and I say, “Not”.
It is a battle I fight each night,
How I wish it naught!!
My peace I fight to keep;
And yet, I cry every night.

Lost in emotions
Two souls approaching new path
Bitterness adorned
Forgetting love, possibly they shared.
Reasoning on the fights, they had bared.
Manly disfiguring blow.
So possible you know.
Now departing, both no longer paired.
Marriages four, divorced three times now in this life of mine.
If another comes my way, next lover shall be a glass of wine..
For
Sponsor (Destroyer ((Poet
Contest Name ~DIVORCE CLUB~

Once again trapped in the darkness with worded guns still trapped,
Im just trying to make a statement that will make it on this American map,
Im getting old as I only live this youth once so I best live it searching for light in darkness of black,
Years gone by a lost youth going away time lost that I wont ever get back,
So it best I get back on the track.........
Now iz a tyme for flames hope I spark this,
Poetry like mine many will come from places near and far and embark in this,
I will literally be the found ancient lost seen lockness.....
Lord please guide this soul as I am standing in the darkness......yet again....

You asked if I was okay
I held my tongue on fine.
Why lie,
Muttering
There’s been better days.
When people say,
I’m here if you need to talk.
Once it was,
lets take a walk.
Now I’m instantly suspect.
If I tell you,
You mite always see the pain in my eyes.
Trust me
You don’t want to carry this around inside.
It will push you away!>
Always>
Without fail,
always attempt,
but to no avail.
Emotional ills!~
Wait I forgot to take me pills.
I sip from my paper cup.
Then hold it up.
And say the ocean will never fit!
A clue
to the tears I’ve cried.
Most of my life.
Though I drew a map on your hand,
you seem to of lost your compass.
Wondering aimlessly,
against a head wind.
Sailing through the dark emotional clutter
of rotating image boxes,
a float on a metaphorical ocean
In my head.
Playing film of all the secrets
that plague my mind.
I mite show you
In time…

how do i begin to say, all that needs to be said
where do i even start to explain from where all this led.
i read and write and read some more
wishing things were different from my very core.
i am not who i was, nor who i want to be
forever changed is the true essence of me.
lying down beside me, or a million miles away
when faced with this dilemma, i begged for her to stay.
truth confronts the omission and demands a fight
seeing everything crumble with a bright and painful light
living in my life today i see where i went wrong
trying to forgive myself with a vengeance that is strong

Teetering on the edge
staring into the darkness below
the swirling emptiness
reminds me of my soul
a bottomless pit
filled with hopes and dreams
never to be reached
and yet I dangle
day after day
I should have lept by now
to discover new depths
or to end old disappointments
but like the punch drunk boxer
whose pride refuses to quit
and never intelligent enough
to realize it is time
I shall battle on
yet it would be so easy
to throw in the towel
submit to uselessness
to martyr myself
but it is not my pain
nor my suffering
that approaches the edge
it is yours
and my desire to take it
into the depths of my very soul........
I wish that I could sacrifice myself
for the pain of the world, especially the children,
but then I realized I am amongst the multitude.

The pools of sadness I have left behind
Broil and lie stagnating abandoned on the heath,
Their surfaces are restless, ill-defined,
Ripple-shot, concealing of the things that drown beneath.
The refugees of memories I suppress,
Wander lost and lonely, ragged ghosts out on the fen,
Decrepitly awaiting life’s caress,
That sparks them scant existence now and then.
The infamy of love that I have borne,
Beaten down and buried, walled in tombs of quarry stone,
Left nothing of themselves that I should mourn,
Nothing I could cleave to as a trigger to atone.
So gather ‘round you soothsayers and seers,
To charge the glass with misery and chase the whisky down,
For I will tell you of the king of tears,
The resist of abdication and the need to wear the crown.

Hope, tonight, is just a void
Love is destroyed
Reality impending my doom
Suffering a dream that was never made for me
I’m just the burden falling under your arms
I understand if you give up on me
Don’t worry I’ll be fine
I can just wait, wait as in all eternity
You deserve to be happy and free
I’m just the burden falling under your arms
I understand if you give up on me
Suffering is the same as living
Tonight I might, Today I may
Set you free away from me
I’m just the burden falling under your arms
I understand if you give up on me
You travel all across in my veins
Showing you share my pain
But my life was never meant for me
I’m just the burden falling under your arms
I understand if you give up on me
I'm sorry for those days
I've ruined your life
Best you just ignore, forevermore
I’m just the burden falling under your arms
I understand if you give up on me
Suffering is the same as living
Tonight I might, Today I may
Set you free away from me
I’m just the burden falling under your arms
I understand if you give up on me
Suffering is the same as living
Tonight I might, Today I may
Set you free away from me
I’m just the burden falling under your arms
I understand if you give up on me

**Morten Veland, Guitarist, Male Vocalist and Main Songwriter of Sirenia, formerly of Tristania**

Sociopathic Love
Don't worry before He’s done with you; He‘ll ravage you
Not just physically but through his words both twisted and firm
If you could only accept that he decides when the game ends;
You'd realize an escape is just as much of an illusion as the man you think you know
Nothing can save you from this game
The lies will roll off his chameleon tongue as he reflects everything you've shown him
He’ll pour metaphors filled with an elusive pitch; deep inside the intimate spaces that fill your head
He'll patiently watch your every move
As you squirm with denial and try to claw your way past the anger
Just as you desperately try bargaining for release
He’ll watch you drowned in hopelessness, lost without the reflection you saw in him
It's a game you won't even realize you've been playing until he decides it's over
He'll know every piece of you by then
Especially the pieces he easily replaced well you were mesmerized in your own reflection
He’ll move on to his next prey soon and only then will you'll start to awaken
He thinks you'll never find all the pieces he planted; you'll never be whole without him
As his eyes trace the contours of your acceptance
He’ll know at the precise moment he's broken you
As he watches your will bend pliantly to his
Making you just another possession he never really wanted
Then he’ll finally release you out of boredom
Leaving you lost without the mirror you helped him create
Wondering why the piece’s you're picking up won’t fit back together the way they once did
It’s then you’ll realize that he never knew how to love
He’s found his pleasure in the games he plays
Pleasure that calms the jealousy he holds against the emotions that he's unable to feel
Allowing him to walk away without remorse; leaving his victim in their darkest moment
He's become bored with the people that surround him and confused by his own existence To him love is only a game used to occupy time Whenever he decides the time is right it's simple
Game Over

Future held such initial promise
But shallow dreams disintegrated
Coalescing into shallower reality
Despite my youth, pain cripples me to geriatric apathy
General interest long gone, death has become the single concern
A welcome embrace, a welcome friend
Tardiness is expected, as well as encouraged
Release me from these eternally shrinking walls
Allow the peons to continue their superficial pursuits
Never meshing well into the fold, I yearn simply for permanent isolation
There is not enough joy to justify the agony that life forever guarantees me
Nihilism and anger, desires for maniacal retribution, the only feelings I've ever known
Clouded over now by perpetual physical torment, my formerly hollow shell continues to exist without capacity for optimism
Yet without hate, there seems nothing left
Shall I forever be adrift?

I’m moving on….
From all those who cause me pain
Make my tears pour down like rain
Make me feel that I’m insane
Make promises that are vain….
I’m moving on……
From those who don’t wish me well
Make my life a living hell
Make my heart an empty shell
Make gossip a thing to tell
I’m moving on….
For all those who’ve done me wrong
Who've made my nights seem so long
Who've stolen from me life’s song
Who've me feel I don’t belong
I’m moving On…..
From you and all your stupid lies
From you and those alibis
From you and your dark disguise
From you and this compromise
I’m moving on…..
Don’t you dare come look for me
I beg you, please, let me be
I need some tranquility
I need to be truly free.
I’m moving on………
Eileen Manassian Ghali

I watched the love of two hearts crushed today,
So much pain and sadness there was nothing to say.
For so very long the writing was on the wall,
For some reason it just was not noticed at all.
Oh how the blame seems to be everything and everyone,
Not for a moment do they realize what they have done.
The sarrow they feel is so hard for them to conceive,
Don't want to face the truth and they will never believe.
Only themselves to blame and that's going to be awhile,
Before either of them will find a reason for them to smile.
Broken hearts and thier worlds have been torn apart,
Makes me wonder will they know how to make a new start.
Nothing good ever comes from so much deceit and lies,
To see no trust or faith just makes me want to cry.
It's not really their fault so young and without any clue,
May be years before they learn how or what they must do.
WE can only pray for them that they will find their way,
The happines and joy they deserve will be found on that day.
I watched the love of two hearts being crushed today,
To see so much sadness , there's not much anyone can say.
TAC

What do you do when the storm rolls in?
You hide in a raincoat and a plastic grin.
How do you bear the lack of light?
You just smile and nod, you don't put up a fight.
When your angry or hurt, can anyone tell?
No, you just keep your happy face on and survive through this hell.

Whilst I wither, as you wear me down,
There’ll come a day I will sport no frown.
I’ll dance for life; the trumpets will sound,
You’ll see in death that I’m still around.
Whilst you whistle, and sing this tune,
I’ll rise again, your hatred did not ruin,
the life in me, that did expire too soon,
blood you spilled, shadows the moon.
Crimson shades devour a precious time,
two hearts in synch within a lovers rhyme.
Casting adornment we continued to climb,
a wretched torn cord of blood and grime.
Whilst you wander, in search of your way,
I’ve battled and struggled, alone I stay.
The darkness it dwells, teasing its prey,
taunting my strength, this darkness I obey.
I kneel before him; he’s gained my trust,
this dark, blackened heart tis’ near a bust.
When this darkness to you seems unjust,
please cover me with love before I turn to dust.

I know I'm not perfect and make mistakes.
Yes, I'm temperamental and things may break.
My moods are intolerable; this I agree,
but why is it so hard to accept and love me?
Your only daughter and a bond should be,
but this we’ll never have; I now finally see.
You choose your favorites and criticize me,
while all I’ve searched for is love from thee.
I no longer dwell over who you “think I am”,
coming to my senses of a mother's loving scam.
All my loyalty and love has never been enough,
as motherly caresses are still callously rough.
Thank you mom for lessons, on "how to be a mom".
Watching observantly your lack of motherly charm.
I’m special too mom, although you may disagree.
I’ve discarded the longing of an unheard weeping plea.
You have your golden child, who can do no wrong.
Then your baby; co-dependently feeding him all along.
I’m the mediocre child; invisible to those beautiful eyes,
turning your back on me, not hearing my painful cries.
Don’t be proud and love me for the creation you did make.
I’ve exhausted all avenues; my need for you was my mistake.
I still love you mom, although my heart is torn apart,
but I’m a woman now and it's time for a fresh new start.

I sit and gaze at breathing night
Soft and plush, like blackest velvet.
I wonder off and on if he will call.
The night speaks to me from beyond the glass window,
Muttering, whispering, like a lover.
It teases me, taunts me,
"Come out and play," it breathes into my mind.
The darkness is friendly
Inviting,
Deceptively charming as a spider in its web.
I reach to open the window...
And the night flows over me, full of promises.
The sweet air kisses me, caresses me,
Toys playfully with the smoke from my cigarette,
Making rings and swirls with the soft, white vapors.
The night sings to me
Soft love songs to tantalize the brain.
I can't resist.
I get up, and zombie-like move toward the door...
And out into the soft cloak of the darkness.
It has me in its grasp,
I can't escape.
I am a child of night now,
A shadow, elusive
And I begin to fade,
And whisper,
My voice joining in song with a thousand others:
"Come out and play,
Come out and play..."

To the torn page out of Modern day Merlin’s book of wizardry,
I regret to inform you that you are nothing more than a recipe for tomato soup. You have no enchanted qualities about you, but you tend to brag about where you come from more times than you realize. Dear torn page, haven’t you noticed that the he only wondered on your whereabouts when his life was turning quite pale in color, and rugged in shape? Your words of zest, and your smooth direction brought vibrancy into his blue octagonal soul. Probably like how an octopus would feel escaping from a cloud of his own ink. He could breathe again.
But you’re lost now, and he doesn’t care much. You wonder why you were written in the first place if you’ve only felt what magic you can make once. If there are over 7 billion people in this world, have you ever wondered how many pages in books there might be? Has it ever occurred to you that out of those trillions of pages turned, over half haven’t been read at all? Has it ever occurred to you that books have been transformed into toys? Children in schools use you until they grow up and buy iPhones and laptops, and you’re left on sitting sideways on some rotting wooden shelf that has nothing more to talk about than how bad of a shape he’s in. Has it ever occurred to you that there are mysteries, histories, nursery rhymes, and adventures that have been overlooked because of the simple fact that humans have given up on the great things?
Actually, it would seem that giving up is the only thing their willing to give. Your black blood on a papyrus shell just doesn’t flow in the mind like it used to. You reminisce on the time when you were the only one that cast a spell on him, and you gave him life again.
Now the wizard is off signing autographs and performing shows at Rockefeller Center every first Friday of the month. He uses only spells so basic that he doesn’t have to read the step by step instructions anymore. To be honest, the book isn’t even used as frequently. I think I even saw a family of dust specks rent a home on page thirty-three last week.
But has it slipped your mind, humble recipe? Have you forgotten already of the position you’re in? You are a torn page now.
So float on by.
Let the wind keep you steady.

Three truant scholars spending our sabbaticals
in crisp Colorado, we all re-read Walden,
dared to drink from streams so icy clear
the fish seemed suspended in mid-air.
Our flimsy nylon shelters shielded us
from what weather there was to worry on,
as summer slipped to autumn
and autumn waned winterward.
We walked well-wooded hillsides
of mixed conifers and broadleaf;
in deep drafts we breathed the earthy air,
interpreting the dent and trace of tracks.
Four full years past we trekked those trails
through stands of timber frequented by fox,
by birds, by deer -- and by growling grizzlies.
Now, when my son hugs his honey bear,
red-jacketed, black-button eyed,
I see the hellish maw, the blooded claw,
of the brownish-yellow raging beast
that tore off my arm and maimed two sages,
amid the yellow quaking aspen
where, yet, that gory grizzly ages.

This man will hang for his sins against humanity
Judged so harshly by his peers, he will not be set free
He asks “Why must I die for my crimes?”
“Because you’re guilty and it was only a matter of time”
He demands “But who decides if I’m guilty?”
“We do, we are the few thus we are the many”
The man stood in silence as he contemplated this
He queried “That makes no sense, what point did I miss?”
“Our meanings are not for you to decipher”
A quick moment of silenced followed, broken by the man’s laughter
He jests “How am I to understand my fate, if you will not share with me your conclusions?”
“Do you mock this court? The only conclusion you shall know is that we will not tolerate obtrusions”
He observes “I think this is a case of the blind leading the blind”
“Justice is never blind; we understand you and your kind”
He accuses “You are all like me”
“Yet you’re guilty, while we’re free”
He asks “So freedom is perception, we are as we perceive?”
“No freedom is corrected to serve the people’s needs”
He asks “So freedom is a business, produced by whom?”
“Freedom is none of your concern, your time is up, and your life is due”
And so the rope was put around the man’s head
He demands “Wait let me speak my last words before I’m dead!”
He speaks “All I fear is that I will be forgotten”
“That my family will not remember me and the other side will win”
“I don’t understand what it is to be human, I can’t handle the pain”
“And you all understand too well, yet you can handle the shame”
As he braces himself for death
He utters his last words under his breath
“If ignorance is bliss”
“Then apathy is a heaven you couldn’t bear to miss”

You say I am weird
Dressing in black and crazy colors
My hair is colored differently
And styled crazy
You look at me
And say
"How strange is she?"
The people I hang out with
Very very diffrent
People with tons of piercings
And guys with long hair
You look at me
And say
"How strange is she?"
Always alone
Keeping to myself
not talking to many people
But I listen to what they say
You look at me
and say
"How strange is she?"
You look at me
and judge
calling me names
Emo/goth/cutter
You look at me
And say
"How strange is she?"
You think I hate life
You think I am depressed
You think I cut
You think I will commit sucide
You look at me
and say
"How strange is she?"
You wanna help
Try to talk to me
But you can't
Your afraid of judgement
You just look at me
And say
"How strange is she?"
But what if it was true
What is I was derpressed...hated life
What if I commited suicide
Would you help or
Just look at me
and say
"How strange is she?"

Remember that rhyme about sticks and stones?
How broken bones hurt more than the names that were thrown?
Remember how in grade school everyone was our valentine?
Now we can’t find the time
To gather the courage to speak our minds
About the person we want to call “mine”
Remember how we used to believe in fairy tales?
Now love fails us and broken heart strings imprison us like jail
Apparently our parents lied
When they said we’d die next to the person we loved like husband and wife
Now adolescents lie at night praying to die
Some will tie a noose
Some will bleed out and let loose
Some will grab their Dad’s gun and shoot for the moon
But I might just pop pills to kill the will to spill
Blood in the sink
And to think a bitter drink was more distinct
We all want to be adults, but as kids it just results
In insults and the real adults think our music is a cult
It’s never been said
But without music most of the youth would be dead
So we lie in bed with our headphones
Blaring until we’re deaf toned
In a dead zone now head home
This is for the poppers, the purgers, and the starvers
And the smokers and the cutters
Because we feel like we can never love another so forget the others
We live for our sisters or brothers
The ones who still have a chance at life
So we teach them to live it right
Because we know what it’s like to fight for your life every night
And you cry
Wishing someone might come and find you
And look in your eyes
And tell you how much they like you
Despite all the lies and frights you find inside of you
But you somehow keep your hopes up even if you’re doped up
You still show up to school hoping to grow up
But we just get picked on
So listen to this song
If you’re giving up on living it up
Some say suicide silences secreted screams
So drown demons deliberately within deep dreams
Very often we debate suicide as an option without caution
Since we’re going to hell we might as well drop in
Yes words hurt more than broken bone
You’re all beautiful. You just got to let it show.

Comforting words
Smooth, quiet tones
Reassurance
complete confidence
Long nights spent reasoning
In total understanding
Twin thoughts
twin minds
twin miseries
and twin fates
Now it’s so quiet
Too quiet
Complete and utter silence....
Oh my God,
What happened to the good old days
When we both made sense?!
Lost in blurry dreams of childhood
Colorful, wonderful, windy days
Subconscious cradled memories
of the times when we
were eachother’s only friends
Only you,
the sky
the earth
and me...
No betrayal
No lies
No fire
No hate
No regrets.
I think I can understand
why you won’t face me
But your sudden silence
is so confusing
Did you ever know me well enough
to know my affection for ultimate honesty?
If you wanted me to go away
why didn’t you just say something?
Only this emptiness is left
Inconsolable grief...
For what never again can be
No warning
No parting words
No ceremony
You went and had the funeral
for our friendship
but did not invite me
From the start
I thought these ways would always be
But in the end,
All I wanted, my friend
was to say
goodbye.
I can’t trust anyone
anymore
anyway
All alone again
shame on me

The content of this poem is semi-graphic, so please be aware of that before you
read.......
Yes, There Really Are Monsters
Growing up as a child, I never wanted to sleep alone.
Fearful of the isolated darkness and mostly the unknown.
“Mommy is there monsters?” a question I would commonly ask.
“Only on Halloween my dear, the ones we see in masks”
Still not satisfied with her answer, I questioned her more.
Asking her the same old thing as I did the night before.
Frustrated and exhausted, she took me by my little hand.
Looking under my bed, in my closet; even the night-stand.
“So see my daughter the monsters are only in your head.”
“It’s time to get some sleep Stacy Lynn, now do as I have said.”
Respecting mommy's wishes; my little body trembling with fear.
Wishing the hour was morning, praying for “him” not to appear.
But as darkness faded, an uncomfortable silence fell about.
I could hear the monster stirring, preparing to come out.
Hoping the noises I heard, were my brothers fooling around.
Pulling covers tightly over my head; praying not to be found.
Footsteps getting closer, the monster is at the foot of my bed.
I hear his heavy breathing; this is not at all what mommy said.
Quietly lifting covers back, he lays down in the bed beside me.
Touching, groping and mauling; covering my eyes so I can't see.
He took away my childhood and my trust and self-esteem.
A pleading child without a voice, invisible as it would seem.
"So yes my daughter there are monsters, everywhere we look."
Stating as I remembered my childhood and everything he took.

I know that there is something
you have on your mind.
why don't you tell me
exactly what's wrong?
I know that you suffer
pretend to be strong.
Crashing and burning
your wings fall apart.
Can't help but to notice
your eyes show the pain.
You wrestle with notions
that make you insane.
You stare at the curtains.
You stare at the floor.
So we look into nothing
that's shown from the door.
We ask cause we to
to help find a cure.
It's not a bother
just talk when you can.

Sparks fly in the air
Lights glow in the dark
I am gripped by fear
As my worst nightmare attacks
It's shriek pierces my soul
It's roar tests my bravery
This battle has left my control
And no one is here to save me
The air gets colder
The light gives out
The darkness gets bolder
And I'm filled with doubt
I'm standing on a bridge, hewn from stone
It lies between the world and my mind
Now as it approaches, I'm all alone
But this demon of mine must stay confined
It must never escape from inside me
For the world cannot withstand it
And even though I may no longer be
I will do all I can to hinder it
I summon the courage I used to lack
And stand there dumbfounded
It's eyes glow a fiery glow
It's wings are made of fire
It's sinister smirk scares me so
And I know it's one desire
Huge and menacing, it comes before me
I must now perform my appointed task
'Ancient and evil you may be,
But you shall not pass.'

Once upon a time I loved a girl but she didn’t love me back.
Once upon a night I wished on a star but my dreams never came to pass.
Twice I think I hoped for the sun and not the rain pouring in.
But my cover flew away and the drops soaked through my skin.
I think I could wish for hard times and the dark,
And just to spite my soul the world would set ablaze from a single spark.
My money would pile high,
girls would wave as they walked by.
And the one thing can I say for this life,
Is no one ever got a damn thing from goodbye.

At eighty he is still a coolie
toiling in paddy lea;
reaping pods and
heaping the seeds.
His sagged muscles working
in wonted harmony
But his brain tired of thought;
of his son who died as a sot; or
of his daughter widowed at twenty past
or his wife pulling weeds at another spot.
He has to carry on this moil; I thought
till death to retain his breath.
Looking at his pitiable plight
a wicked feeling swept my heart.
How great we're in contrast;
honourable servants of the State.
We retire at sixty, in peace.
Take home a lump sum of grant, apiece.
Also a pension for monthly use.
Last but not the least
a T.V and a chair to ease.
All this at what a simple price.
For sleeping forty years in office! ! !

I sleep easy
I brandish my metal most days
I think I do a pretty good job
I have no time to think about how you feel
I do what I need to do to get by
Sure...I may leave you feeling different
But that's temporary...right
Cho...get over it...but then again
why should I care?
I have things to do...
Yawn...time to go to bed
Tomorrow's another day.

A skating I go
On the thin ice of life.
A skating I go
On the thin ice of love.
On the fine sheet of ice, I draw fine lines
As the skate curves along the icy floor
Like a child scribbling indecipherable incurvates
My creasing destiny, on my palm I delineate
Ignorantly apprehensive of my desired fate.
Reeling over the stones of enticing mutiny
Orbiting along an extended apogee.
Gathering myself together, combating myself unceasingly;
Victoriously I follow my self-defined philosophy.
Cognizant I am, of the hardship and pain
Of the marathon race I've undertaken.
Yet on the thin ice of love and life
Inexorably carrying the burden of life
A skating I'll always goalless go.

Lost in this awakening
The waking of the end
In a vision of beginning
In the sight that I depend
And all the riddles save me
My suicidal self
The only truth inside this
In things I’ll make unheard
Like candles for the sleeper
Like dreams for the awake
I glide outside the window
In a place you will forsake
Forever up and counting
The time it takes to fall
To climb back into breathing
To know the pain in yours
Awake within this ending
The coldest place there is
Alone for every lesson
And lost with every kiss

It's a funny thing we have in this relationship we call love ,
I know this one thing for sure and that it was not from above.
Struggle as we may day after day week after week,
Doesn't seem to matter we can never reach what we seek.
In my heart I know what I have felt for most my life,
Forever it seems I have wanted you to be my loving wife.
But there's always been this small wedge between you and I,
You just were unable to stop yourself from telling me lies.
Oh there were days that were so good and felt so right ,
It always changed before we had ever reached the night .
A very sad thing to see hop[es and dreams fade away,
Nothing left but to remember those wonderful days .
Still I believe in relationships that are filled with love,
The ones that are truly made by the hands from above.
So much will be lost and will never be recovered ,
But there will be so much more gained with a new lover.
A far cry from what I had dreamed my life would be,
Yet I will continue on in search of a love meant just for me.
Tac

On one dark Saturday night
That was supposed to be happiest ever
Turned out to be my worse nightmare
That in a just short time, went from Heaven to never
It was the night of my Junior Prom
And I thought I had the perfect date
I had one of the best dresses
And ended up getting raped
I felt guilty, hurt, dirty and betrayed
How was I supposed to show myself after this?
What did I do at the age of sixteen?
To deserve the trauma of what he called bliss.
Now that it is many years later
And I am wiser and grown
You are behind me, which is where you should be
And only my outward appearance is shown.

Spring’s kiss
So sweet and chaste
Summer’s touch
It makes my heart race
Reminding me,
Of your warm embrace
As I look out to sea
A gentle breeze brushes across my face
Like the soft touch of your fingertips on my skin
With Autumn’s death
Come Winter’s chills
Shivering,
When will I be in your arms again
Seasons come and go,
When will you return
And ease my pain
I now fear that my wait
Has all been in vain
Oh, why have you gone,
Gone so far away
When would you ever come
Come back to me

I have danced while music played,
and smiled, although despairingly,
through tears at smiles not meant for me.
My soft eyes, though brown and drab,
have strived to glitter, with scant success,
as others shone bright, emitting light
beneath their lashes, lush and long.
While I lurched in crazy drunken spirals,
others, precise, performed their pirouettes
and slid across the polished floor
and smiled and laughed and more:
completely at their ease.
What terminal disease decrees
despair my partner in this dance?
Is there no chance to sit the music out,
a listener, discrete, devout?
While others whirl and dip, I slide and slip.
Must I be a half-a-pair with stumbling feet,
inept novice, graceless lout who, led about,
never has an easy air dancing with despair?

If I seem down,
forgive me.
Frowns I carry around,
live in me.
You may say,
you see right through me.
Your words untrue,
renew me.
The hurt I’ve learned,
brews in me.
If only you could,
re-design me.
Take time rewind,
refine me.
Recreate the mold,
without lies I’ve told.
Give back,
the soul I sold.
~JSLambert

There is a glare of stray sunlight
daring to reverberate
through spiderwebbed glass I haven't
found energy to fix
in the span of four years.
It is too much of a mirror,
too tangible a thought,
to make new.
It's lithe fingers, thin and bony,
and mockingly bright,
steal over embossed cardstock that arrives, like clockwork,
in deepest sympathy.
And a thornless bouquet of pastels laden with
Babies Breath
only draws on blood long lost;
nobody seems to comprehend such an allegory,
or lack there of,
so it can't be carried
over the steps.
"Bloodless On Mother's Day"
Jenna-Nichole Conrad
Wordsmith

I dare to see into the future.
So many mistakes that I'm not ready to make;
So many lies and so many times.
Will I cry?
I see into the prism of the past.
So many ways I could have made it better;
So many things.
Memory stings.
No matter what I do,
I damn myself to who I am.
No matter what I choose,
Just one more hole inside my soul.
I am the sum of what I've been.
Who cares that I have no control?
I see inside the moment
The fractured crystals of a broken dawn.
The ways that I have gone
Have led me into who I am.
What chaos drove this fate to claim my soul?
What emptiness perceived that I was whole?
So many days that I have left to prove that I exist;
So many ways to say that I am gone;
So many seconds of contradiction to let my self confound into itself.
Who am I to say that I should end?
Who am I to know that I could e'en begin to know who I am;
To judge myself unworthy of my soul;
To say into the darkness of the night
"Goodbye, creater of my conscience, whole.
I'm here for greater purpose than to feel and to be felt.
I'm here to leave this rime and rust;
To leave this ashen crust of existence;
To see into the soul that I have made;
To be swallowed into the fated oblivion I have destined for my soul."
Who am I
To be?

Loneliness is a powerful thing...
It always hurts your feelings
When somebody tells you wrongs
About your beliefs...
When someone stabs you verbally
And emotionally scarring you for years.
All those fears, turn into fear of
Being true and strong-willed for yourself...
Other people may never remember your pain,
And pretend it was nothing like they took it in vain.
Loneliness kills you when you see
What others might have and you ask "Why can't that be me?"...
Guiltiness of envy causes even more loneliness,
The kind of feeling that tells
What kind of spells negative thoughts put on you...
Forcing you to believe
That what if everyone hates you.
Feeling hurt and corrupted after hearing others...
Saying you're bad to others,
Making you think "They don't understand anything..."
Feeling ignored and bored
When you start to feel left out,
You start to doubt about the friends you have.
(Any kind of) Loneliness is a powerful thing...

I steal, what I feel, make no mistake –
I charm, without alarm, to covet what I take.
I hide what’s inside, to abide what’s at stake.
I lie, and will deny, any wrongdoings I make.
You use and abuse your way through this life.
You cheat and defeat those plagued with strife.
You fail, and impale, those closest to your heart.
You wallow in the shallow, shredding ties apart.
We fret over the net, which safety has vanished.
We wail at the stale courtship now banished.
We hurt as we flirt our disaster, daily we plummet.
We trek through the wreck reaching death’s summit.
They say we’re astray, and our minds are broken.
They wonder, why blunder, a mirage of unspoken.
They chatter about clatter, with prejudice abound.
They sneer and they leer, that together we astound.
I’ll take the bane, and disdain and try to explain.
I’ll take the lies, masked in disguise and abstain.
I’ll take the tears, through the years and constrain.
For I made my bed, built of crimson nails and black lead,
and forever in my heart will you remain.

Heaven is Hell, this world we live in does cease to
Exist. The rich get richer, and the poor get poorer. Tis the righteous who sin and
Lucifer who is victorious. Man is merely a dark speck, soon to evaporate within this thing we call
Life.

I’ve watched the soldier give, crimson blood,
heroic sweat, and fallen comrade tears.
I’ve pondered at the ignorance of society whose,
stated they’ve wasted days, months and years.
I’ve seen our soldiers suffer, for a mission others
now see as being in selfishness vain.
I’ve watched as humanity snubs the truth;
our troops are ferocious and brutally insane.
I’ve observed our blanket of freedom, now sport
vast ragged holes and tears at the seams.
I’ve witnessed the fraying of Liberty, which our
soldiers delivered thru crimson hopes and dreams.
I’ve viewed the injured and disabled, now home
after serving their country honorably.
I’ve grasped societies notion, the troops are
now merely a number like me.

He was stop at the traffic light
They had him surround
And they put a hand cuff
And he wonders what’s wrong
And said that he is wanted
For what he don’t have a clue
It has to be a mistake
This cant be true
They put him in a line up
Then come in the room and say
The others can leave
But he has to stay
So why she accuse him of this crime
When He never seen her before
The jury says that he’s guilty
And sentence him to 25 years or more
He broke down in court
His mother screams and cried
And today 15 years after
his mother has died
Then one night while watching TV
He sees there is a new technology
Call DNA testing that can prove
If some one are innocent or guilty
He got a new trial
And his conviction was over turn
15 years of his life was taken
That can never be return
She said she was sorry
But he just walks away
Knowing there’re many innocents
Still in jails today
Yes some times things happens
Why we can never know
And we have to keep believing
Or our minds will surely go
He sits on his gallery alone
As the rain starts falling down
Today he is a free man
Tomorrow a new life began
You'll never know what its means
To have your life taken from you
Confined to a world behind four walls
For crime you didn't do
This poem I write today
Is for the innocents in jails
Keep hope brothers and sisters
The truth will prevails

It seems the path Iam on is changing everyday
the road uncertain just an endless shapeless gray
some would say it would all be clearer if I took up there religion
even with the doubt Iam not scared enough for that decision
I see the faith you placed in one of the many saviors
I lame excuse for the centuries of mad behavior
Iam sure your prophets where the very best of man
but your church and bibles where never in the plan
so every race has a version of there own
stories stolen from the gods of the past spoken out like it was always known
not one of these faiths is open and understanding
they keep others down and your soul churches are demanding
then you history holds no science no enlightenment
dogmatic foolishness written before free government
and every soul that is afraid to die or to ashamed to live
if you stop thinking then heaven is what they give
even now the human mind is found wanting
but reality is intelligence is hard work and life is daunting
if only the concept of good will and love
we understood without some sign from above
if you need the ancient fiction to ease your pain
I respect you and to all other men you should do the same
your saviors were righteous there’s know doubt
in there time they worship but no church was there twist whets its about
there have been many Christ’s since the beginning of man
the Mayans and Muslim have had tales since they ruled by the roman
dry king ghandi and many more sacrifice there life so others could be free
in my mind that’s what Jesus is what he is supposed to be
even know there some man of great worth he has no money no powerful church
he’s giving of himself and and loving the lost I dare you to search
and see the truth were in this together and this is paradise
we are the only keepers of our fate we must realize
I can no longer people pay to pray and talk down to others who dont believe what you say
but Christ himself did not hang with the saved he knew the hopeless so he could see them ok
but times have changed were not ruled by religious empires mad with slavery
we fought for those rights not with one mans good with collective human bravery
a new age is upon us and the true test is coming not one of prophecy
the makers of worlds the stars the cycle of suns chaos of the galaxy
I hope soon we see are only time is now there is no second chance
are race needs to come together and make a united stance
if faith keeps us apart do we even have the heart

When the sun rose after a night
And touched the earth to spread the light
Of joy, of dreams.
I borrowed the warmth of a smile
From my lips
And stole a twinkle
From my eyes,
To light a heart I thought was dark
With a secret, one scarcely could mark.
But alas! I shudder at what I did
With those secrets I got rid
Of the core that makes the self
Paralysed me, I couldn't help.
Now you talk of light again,
As the cinders mock
Under the consoling shy
That strong men do not cry
Oceanful of tears choke
My heart.
To cry without tears, Darling!
Is an art.

Yesterday, I thought I seen the back of your head,
I felt my mind shook as I started to dread,
That you were there,
But then I realized,
It wasn't you.
As I left the airport,
I got into a truck, that was just like yours,
Then all my emotional sores started hurting again.
And later on, after seeing,
That the friend I wanted to have all to myself in high school,
Already had someone to be best friends with,
I held back my tears,
And fear that maybe I'll never recover
From these emotional issues that seem to go on forever.
And I feel like I can't keep myself together...
Especially when I see two siblings who love one another,
Wishing my siblings were close to my age,
Then I wouldn't have ever felt like I was in a lonely cage,
Envying those who get to have a younger sibling jump into their arms,
Whenever I see them at school...
She always felt like a little sister for me,
I want to protect her,
But nowadays, I don't like the way she is some times,
And I feel confused, and lonelier when I see that she
Likes her other friends more than me.
Yet again, more envy,
And I feel guilty realizing it's wrong for me to be jealous
In friendship...
I'll make sure our friendship never ends,
But I know that my loneliness will never disappear,
And I will never be able to reappear,
In school with her again, it hurts,
Especially when I don't have someone to share the suffering
Of high school work and gym.
I still feel hurt and sad, everything in elementary,
That made me glad will be pushed away,
And I'll probably feel alone everyday...
Just like the old days, when I cried at night...
And my alarm clock was my nightlight...
Now I need Him, to keep me safe,
And be my light,
Because the hurt that I often feel
Is an inner fight for life!

Waiting
...wasps in my stomach
sting at the core
the pain is easy to bear
knowledge is the killer
over-rated introspection
more like a dissection
exposing each unshed
tear
I hear me wincing
Truly
the mind is a wicked friend
the heart a beloved enemy
Deception
a gallant companion
as make-believe is reality
Pity
I'm yet to savour
my lover's touch
I bleed
Shredding the protection
Betrayer!
Truly deception
the truth is an enemy
I let you lead me
Eyes wide open...
"Where to next?"

LIT cigarette fire
Sad but funny case of a lit cigarette
Causing the blaze to a small house.
Occupied by a separated mother and her son
Fire officials were quick to put out the fire.
Police recovered a burnt out cigarette
A small damage done, just a bed damaged.
The family summoned for interrogation.
The lady explained that she and her son
Enjoying the fresh air in the balcony,
She smoking a cigar and boy busy with his IPod
She went to the bathroom putting it in ashtray.
The boy couldn’t resist enjoying some puffs
As he used to while working in the garage
In the past with his father.
As he was puffing, he heard bathroom door
In haste he put the cigar under the mattress
As the mother was explaining, the boy crying
Hick…hick all the time and saying I will never do it.
Hell... with tobacco, bloody tobacco… hick...hick.

Has the Glory of God Left the Church?
Before the next church service gets started…
Should it read, on the door;
“God's glory has departed? “
Many come to worship and don't even know.
That's God's glory left such
a long time ago.
Many build their Sunday experience
on “past traditions.”
Built on man-made rules and “false expectations.”
They don't want to hear the gospel of holiness!
”It may offend.”
Their pastor no long preaches
on what the Bible says is sin.
Some have been going to
church for many years.
Still looking for teachers with “itching ears.”
Is the true presence of God
is no longer there?
It's no longer found in their
worship or prayer.
God's judgment shall begin at this very place.
It hasn't happened yet, because of
his unfailing grace.
If God's presence has been left from your life as well,
Remember his love for you will, never fail.
Seek his awesome presence each day you live!
He gave his son for you!
What more could he give?
Won’t you see his glory this very hour?
And be renewed by his word
and life-changing power!
By Jim Pemberton

Autumn comes I stand watching the leaves..thinking
The breath leaves my body unseen
But as the mercury drops and as I ponder my place.
I notice all I think all I feel.
Right there on the window before me.
To others it's just a mist caused by cooling or heating or both.
A chilhood whimsical game"oh boy look it's cold"
To me that mist is all, your name , your face, Our time.
I want to wipe it away this physical aberation of all unseen in my heart.
I see it all the pain the love the heartache everything in a small whitish cloud on a simple window.
My hand reaches pauses oh so this is what you look like.
Oh if it was so easy to be done.
The mist fades rapidly with every lonely wasted breath. Making an apperance oh so briefly.
What ever course I take to wipe away or to gently touch the mist.
Would this breath on the window which taunts me so relay back to my damaged soul see its gone you'll be ok now or see how it welcomes your touch?
welcome to the world for all to see.
Hidden by the sun most of the time.
My fingers glide through the vanishing mist, I flash back to your cheek beneath my fingers.
Goodbye my love, goodbye my pain, goodbye to the only proof I have left of you.
But at peace I am.
I know now what I did not before.
Your not invisable your their in my breath.
Kissing the crisp Autumn air with me.
And all I have to do is breath.
And my visible breath will show me all I feel is real as real as the mist on the window

We share in the sadness.
This unimaginable pain.
Children are not suppose to be taken away.
The school yard is silent
Where has the laughter gone?
The echo of angished spirits crying out to the Heaven
So much has been lost
First dances
Kisses, hugs
Graduations, Proms
Weddings, grandchildren, future generations lost.
What Gifts will we never see?
Innocence has been snatched from our grasp.
Will we ever be the same?
It is not possible!
Their deaths can not be avenged.
No sense can be made of the senseless.
We cling to our children
Try to comfort them
Will the victims have any comfort?
Will the World's tears console them?
Will their loss have been in vain?
Lock away the Guns
Change the way we think!
Our rights are secondary to the lives of our children.
Is not one life worth more than our right to bear Arms?
We can decide.
What choice will we make?

America is being destroyed from
perversion within.
As it’s people indulge
in wickeness and sin.
The moral fabric that our country
once held so dear.
Is now beginning to dissappear.
Many judges seek to remove
God from our land.
Traditional marriage...
many don't understand.
From the neighbor’s house
to the college dorms,
Perversion is legal in so many forms.
Our money reads: “in God we trust.”
Many are addicted to
perversion and lust.
Nothing of God seems to
be sacred anymore.
While his judgement draws
close to our nation’s door.
This so called “freedom” that
many have “enjoyed,”
Is causing our great country
to be destroyed.
America must heed the Savior’s call,
Only God can give true freedom to all.
HIS word is our country’s
true foundation.
Without him in our lives...
we’re doomed as a nation!
By Jim Pemberton

My little flower
why do you weep
in your perfect existence?
Did you finally relies the corruption at the ties?
My silly sorrowful flower
I weep with you,
for your perfectly misguided existence.
Why did you choose to bloom
in such wretched soil?
My little flower
why do you weep?
Why do you search for corruption
when all is well it seems.
Silly little flower all you will find
is a heart full of ache.
So I too will cry
as your final bloom
ends with your perfectly misguided existence.
My little flower
I know for whom you weep,
As my tears are returned to me.
Silly little flower,
why do you weep for me?

Wishing herself away
She
spirals herself on ceramic to the height of childhood,
reuniting each extension of her being to simple oneness
to challenge the chaos in her mind.
Familiar figures outside the room shape themselves with concern,
but her crowded thoughts
cannot understand a silhouette;
she knows its lack of attention to detail.
Her lungs fill with steamy air and release in heavy sigh
around her favorite position:
She
feels safe in the warm pockets of her limbs, blanketing her heart from the chill of
truth beyond the room.
A fleeting urge to unfurl flies by,
as she hears the bathroom tile pleading to end
the smack of rumblings from her toes:
but she resists,
knows enough
not to anger a nerve’s anxiety.
Curls droop anxiously over her knees,
eager to be straightened to some sense of sanity,
but she brushes them away from the moistness on flushed skin:
figures they’ll only frizz with failure
alongside her own objectives…
At this moment,
She owns the serenity of ease
seemingly unnoticeable
to others performing worry beyond the door.
Oh the moment to hold and not let go!
The fear of greeting her fate outside….
But
The sanctity of her thighs cannot warm
the length of her body beyond a moment;
the tears from her eyes never completely drown
the sight of confusion;
the locks of hair are never opaque enough
to shield the brash smirks
of ultraviolet light;
and the arch of her frame eventually must cease
its primitive beauty…
All, sadly,
in overwhelming acceptance
of her non literal position.

I'm dying in my heart
I'm frozen in my mind.
My breath refuses to start
My soul I cannot find.
Where do I even begin,
I can only know where I end.
The truth lies beneath my skin
I thought I knew, my love, my friend.
Am I me, or am I you
When I take a look to see.
It seems that mirror is broken too
A crack of nothing tearing me.

Blame it on the sea
That crashed upon the sand,
And washed away my heart
That I had drawn for you.
For my heart is what you wanted,
But my heart I could not give.
Blame it on the rain
That fell upon the words,
The words that told my love
That I had written down for you.
For my love is what you wanted,
But my love I could not give.
Blame it on the wind
That blew upon my life,
And scattered all my dreams
That I had dreamed with you.
For my dreams are what you wanted,
But my dreams I could not give.
So, if you sit there lonely
Blame the sea, the rain, the wind,
But if these three seem not enough,
Blame it all on me.
For I am really all you wanted,
But myself I could not give.

For a moment, I believed
I even allowed myself to breathe. . .
To smile upon you in all that was said and done
For a moment, you were there
And a simple thought made me beam
I was there looking you in the eye it seemed
For a moment, doubt swept under my feet
Threatening to bring me to the ground
But your words pulled me up by the string
For a heavy moment, I realized
Just how far you are from me
Too far to be close—to far to allow that smile
And for another sad, long moment,
I sit here in awe-struck despair
Wondering why the smile was ever there

Resting upon my outstretched hand
lies what was once
a circle of promises never ending
given as a symbol of love
spoken and unspoken
now just a circle of heartache(s)
this too never ending...
or so it seems.
Two people,
once possessed of this band
vowed for eternity
to travel together as one
a promise soon broken
rendering forever
one again into two.
That which long ago radiated
a warmth felt only
by those it encircled
its luster now dulled by time
lies cold upon my hand
with only my memories
to hold it there.
I wrap it once more
within tissue yellowed by time
and return it to my box
of gone but not forgotten memories.

I have many regrets in my life
there are times I hurt so bad
I thought it would never end
most times that pain fades
and memories soften with time
but you
you are the one regret
I cant seem to release.
Time has moved on
Seasons pass one to the next.
But you still remain
unchanged within my mind
a constant unwavering reminder
of the love lost
my one true regret in this life

"Ive seen better days"
She said looking around
Searching for a familiar face
Wondering when her heart will stop hurting.
"I wish it was the day, that my true love will come and find me"
But all she can do it wait for that better day.
When he will come sweep her cares away
Then once again she will be seeing better days.
But her better days have come and gone.
Its the time between that seems so long.
Wondering if she was the one wrong.
All this time she thought she was being strong
False lies, True story
When will she get to live in glory?

I've got a persistent vision in my brain
A picture stuck there that gives me pain
A rain of misery pouring from my eyes
A flood of words choked in my throat.
This vision is killing me a little, everyday
Twisting my senses, taking my reason away
And it's the ghost of you.

from this barstool i have sat waitting for some moment
of insiperation to come to me
But the only thing that that comes to me is
a bartender with another drink.
And in empty reflection lost in a jukebox's song
played by a lonley heart shooting pool.
I cant recall where the spark went.
maybe it fell to floor like the ash from a cigarette.
the page waits at home like a wife waitting in worry as her husban is off doing God knows
what so worried only wishing he'd return.
And when he does the fear fades and the anger kicks in.
The bottle doesnt hold a key but it does know me well.
I kiss it's fiery lips and cant resist it's charm.
so I sit with it passing hours in a dance that will end in
nothing but another wasted night and a bitter morning taken
out apon my mind.
In a swirl of hungover thoughts id leave half written pages.
To soon find themselves collecting with my ever growing arsenal of
drunken rants.
All ending bitter and cold.
But when the whiskey hits I'll make such great plans
that will never be.
I'll write that epic that will keep in the minds
other writers.
And in the warm arms of women who wanna love a
trainwreck just to say they've known what it's like.
Whiskey wishes are like sparks from a much larger fire.
the sparks fly off into the midnight sky.
only to fade befor are very eye.

White knuckled, holding harder never held anything down.
Empty tides ripped her under, promises never honestly allowed
and those white knuckles held to hope and thunder raged inside her heart,
fell right back to the bottom, seeking desperately new starts,
but she felt the heat and the waves and it swept her every day,
farther and outer, slipping farther away
from the hopes that she’d kept close, wanting to keep them at bay
cause nothing ever came from any unchanged, distorted ways
and no bone ever stays unbroken, not in this body anyway.
These fractures aren’t fading when time comes to seal the cracks,
she doesn’t see it a solution for lying on her back.
Her spine fashioned from paper, it’s water soluble at best
and every time she tries to stand she needs another rest
and fixing’s a fix when there’s a new solution every way
cause they come in and she lets go, at least until the very next day.
Direction couldn’t come back quicker, chasing hellbent better ways,
but heaven couldn’t bring her close with demons where she’d lay.
So she gave them all her bests and held even harder still
to the hopes and empty promises they’d never meant to fill.

Slipping into a burning dream
Within the silence, within disease
The past and future undeclared
Proclaimed a reason to never care
Witness nothing in this place
The secret emptiness of space
Beyond my portrait; past this night
There hides a passion to kill the light
Sliding into deserted shame
Within the nothing, within the pain
The ways I see you in my mind
Leaves such hatred left inside
Witness only the thing I am
The creature no-one understands
And through the painting of my soul
This grand illusion will only grow
Fading into the broken scene
The monster carving this burning dream
Solely focused on painting lies
Its eyes absorbing my dying light
Soul now shimmers, wakes my heart
The creature crawling into the dark
And every monster I’ve ever been
Is purified by the truth I’ve seen

the Burial grounds
punctuation. marks. on the walkway of life, an ending
we Thank our friends with Kisses
pretending to sl e e p
quaking with terror as
we s t a r e down the drain
creeping Things on stone s
t
e
p
s whispering
Go Home

I thought it was 'butterflies in my stomach'
I was so excited to be in a new place and try new things...
Two minutes later I threw up on the side of the street.
I thought I was shaking because you send shivers up and down my spine
Your hair, your eyes and that smile...
It was cold and I only had my T-shirt on that night
I though it was destiny that we, in this place together
Are bound by fate to be companions...
It was a coincidence and two different agendas
I thought I was having a picnic under the stars
Laying on my back, with the moon pouring down...
It was a street lamp and the concrete was cold and wet
I thought that you were a friend
You and I to the ends of the earth...
You were just a passerby, who taught me a lesson that I'd have rather not learnt
so early in life
I hear they say that pain is growth turned inside out
It better be true...
My body hurts like hell this morning, I hope that my spirit will grow from this
experience
Drinking...a twisted mirage

Another day, the sun rises
Life lived in bland monotony
I find at best I am complacent
existing on the borderline of contentment
It's rarely found to be of favor
but everyday you'll find me here
Waiting patiently for another chance
to leave my mark on so dull a world
Maybe today will be the day
that this bleak existence I suffer
Finally gives way to a new spark
and I find excitement has been born
I wish only to have a moment
A brief passing of time
Let me live my fifteen minutes
dancing quietly in the spotlight
Another day, the sun sets
I look out my window
With a sigh I find my bed
Another day passed,
Another day wasted.

The breeze brushes against an oak,
up the veiny bark and passed the lark,
Frictional rapping of leaves breathe to life
a thousand voiced whisper-
the softest bellow echoes
across the wild grass
Sweeps against her hair,
a sea of shining brass,
and enters the labyrinths
into a soul spun of broken dreams,
an empty web of rips and holes
and sodden, sullen gleams
Unraveling thread from her sleeve,
attaching bait for one last wish
her heart dragging from a string
so that she may catch
a fish.

When his six bucks are gone,
His belly warm with beer,
Comes his time of day,
The time he always does fear...
It's off to nowhereland,
His dank basement apartment,
No lovely suburban home,
This is what life deemed is his compartment
Nineteen inch T.V.,
Three beers in the "fridge",
A half a bar of cheddar,
Two pizza slices,
An annoying head buzzing midge...
He sits on the edge of his bed,
Which also is his couch,
In this one room nightmare,
His shoulders visibly slouch
Of one thing, he is grateful,
That his wife never saw him such,
He has few blessings to count,
He just doesn't have that much...
But things interest him not,
He lives deep within the past,
And of all the things he's got,
The one most treasured thing,
A picture of his wife and him...
To those old memories he does still cling...
Yes, this "Old Warrior" still fights his war,
Not against some international crime,
This old warrior's battle,
Is against the tides of time.

I finally felt it give –
The floor beneath me
I never thought it would,
But it did
And now my heart is sinking,
Lower and lower,
Deep into my stomach
I try to feel something else.
I only feel numb.
I try to stop the feeling.
I can’t stop the feeling.
What should I do?
What should I say?
And still the terrible sinking,
Lower and lower,
And it won’t stop.

a thunderous drum beat
or a sweet soothing melody
life flows up and down
like the scales of harmony
Imagine-John Lennon
it's never been hard to see
the pain that resides in me
for my heart lies upon my sleeve
Kevlar shirts to keep me warm
to protect others from a rising storm
that could easily be unleashed
transforming man to beast
Cats and the Cradles-Harry Chapin
Promises turned to lies
viewed through blackened eyes
your oaths I despise
to love, teach and protect
became nothing more than neglect
the mythical part of parenthood
has always been the word "good"
A horse with no name-America
lost without a name
guilt, shame
another fault
to believe in the adult
as seering hatred burned
a child learned
trust must be earned
carved upon stone
to atone
for empty sand
we didn't understand
the times
the crimes
nor the rhymes
The Reasons-Earth, Wind, and Fire
my existence
the persistence
of something to give
a reason to live
to help others
sisters and brothers
sharing, comparing
our pain
their rain
sunny skies
victorious sighs
no longer numb
we have overcome
Unchained Melody-Al Green
childhood just a memory
that disappointed me
with the pain it brought
but the lessons wrought
worth more than gold
needing to be told
to let go
the music like tears
must flow
a thunderous drum beat
or a sweet soothing melody
life flows up and down
like the scales of harmony...........

Yes I’m broken
but not beyond repair
tragically I’ve endured
your lies and mental despair.
Did you really think
you’d completely break
me, when you’ve seen
that I’m clearly not that weak.
I’m no longer that
vulnerable woman you
married many eons ago
thinking you could still subdue.
I’m wise to your contempt
and the constant looks of
self-righteous bitterness
when the push has come to shove.
Taking what you want at will
vehemently you demand
that everything goes your
way with a wicked show of hand.
This routine has become old
As so have you my dear
And yet you still don’t
get it, love was your greatest fear.
So yes, I am broken
I’ve begun to fix what’s been
done, the damage you’ve created
I will find myself once again

Those silent tears ran down again
So sure was I that they had dried
And the hollow feeling they had left
Matches no other but the one of death
So, close the casket or set the fire
Let me not live another while
nurturing solitude with endless hope
embracing ghosts of fake smiles
Be this mind put at a final rest
All the sorrow ending at last
No struggle left to be done
Never another silent tear to run.

I think of the years between us and
Little snippets of our journey floods my mind.
Life and all it's roads at times difficult
Allowing us the chance to change, to be remade for the
Last of all our tales shall be of our triumphs-
Ways we conquered our self doubt, our impulses
Always giving way to that better me, better you
Yet you walk these roads with a heavy heart
Soul weary and feet blistered and I say to you
Be not afraid of what s to come
Everyone is given only what he or she can bear
Yes I say to it all - the pain, our tears, the laughter
Our fears, - the joy and all these years between us
Underneath it all there lies our blessing and
Redemption in the form of this friendship
For the mistakes, the errs are not erased but" Our Father In Heaven"
Remember is the sweetest prayer
In it we find the mercy he tempers our punishment
Even as we are wrong, we are in his light
No man can take your soul, so walk
Don't run to the end of your life, when it is done, he is there.

"...Even if it kills me to do so in the end." I said having a tighter grip than before "You ready?" I then start dragging her out of the darkness realizing we might never escape it "Just hold on!" I exclaim looking into her eyes then back at the darkness "I won't let go." I say as we both get sucked into the darkness, we both then start to fade and I still have her hand screaming her name as we dissappear.

My inside peace that flaunts hidden desires
Confronted by mistakes faced by liars
Hidden transgression to become arranged
Sweating above the obvious deranged
Custom to hold cater and love
Wishful innocence white as a dove
Caged, kept hidden from view
As if anyone really knew
Thoughts of commotions gone afar
When reality cant define where you are
Roses with screams with silence to prick
Bleeding with decaying petals my flower that’s sick
Poison's seduction perhaps simply for denial
When all is lost exactly what is worth while

Nightmares that come are so bad I'm afraid to sleep
Exhaustion enters making sleep needs reach their peak
A little light sleep to settle down falling falling deeply sound
The horror no no go away nightmares please dissipate
Same dreams every night since my darling baby cried
She nursed, very well fed in the morning she died
Nightmares night afer night awaking my baby I dread
Being rocked, rocked, rocked, looking down my baby's dead
(My adoptive mother lost a child, a little girl at age nine months old. Back then people used
home remedies very seldom saw a doctor. The child had been sick with a cold, mother fed
her and the next morning she was dead. The doctor who examined the corpse said that
she had had pneumonia and choked to dead on the mucous.)

When skies are bluer than ever before
and clouds disappear from sight
I am alive
When thunderstorms flash white
and the rains come
I am alone
When daffodils burst forth from the snow
and crocus peep through
I am alive
When winter cold and trees barren
and leaves lie on frozen floor
I am alone
I want to face life's storms
with friends who hold my hand
and family who clearly states,
"You are not alone"
Then, I will live.

This was written during a bipolar low. It is NOT my true feelings, just a quick
insight as to how this disease can play with the mind.
So much anger and rage,
engulfs my body whole.
Can’t release the tension and fury,
How was I ever to know?
No tools provided to diminish,
a path of vile and vain.
Here I bask in my own misery,
as you continue to be sane.
I detest the very sight of you,
and your precious mental state.
I detest your ambition and drive,
while I struggle against this fate.
Let’s trade places today,
so you can pretend to be me.
I wonder how long you’ll last,
when you’re finally able to see?
See the anger, madness and rage,
through your very own eyes.
I wonder how much ambition you’ll have,
as you plan your final goodbye?

Just wave goodbye again
and wheeze as you dance away
in your bed head silly.
And I’ll wait here on the corner
in Pjs and your corduroy shirt
shamelessly improper in rush hour traffic.
And
it came to me today
in the bare soles of my feet
that no matter how many dreams I
filled with tulips and tears,
wheezes and corduroy was the
only promise you ever made to me.

I lie here looking at the ceiling,
Then I look to your word,
It didn't have much meaning,
Trusting you is almost absurd
You left me broken promises
I know I'm better off
No more kisses
I need to write you off
I'm a creature of habit
I know I'm not that tough
I have no heart to be compassionate
You stole it, left it in the rough
I'm Forgetting how your voice sounds
It truly makes me sad
yet still want you around
I still know what we had
Why'd did you ever leave?
Why couldn't we have been enough for you?
Now you wallow in sorrow and tell me how you grieve
love isn't for the weak I give the devil his due
Now you suffer twisting, contorted pain
the worst mistake of your life
takes me back to lovers lane
You really messed up and I'm to alleviate you of your strife?
You think you deserve it?
….
…..
…...
…....
…..I do.

Let us rest our heads upon the pillow of denial, turn twilight in the last clear reflection of the silent moon. Where vile droppings fell the freshness of the morning sea, turn to graveyards, lest we be;
...swimming in an acid dawn.
The corpse of shellings, scales a strewn, where once transparent was so blue,
this morning features scarlet hue, as skin is shredded in the burning morn.
Where vile droppings fell the freshness of the morning sea, turn to graveyards,
lest we be;
...swimming in an acid dawn.
...And come mid sun up, we shall bathe;
within sulfuric, petrol waves and drink our lemon juice until we choke.
Till our teeth rot and our tears evoke, the pandora’s box which we awoke.
An orange bright, our arid plight, and we the specks of dust behind;
lurching a dehydrated, evaporated existence. Famine on our minds.
Walking footsteps which no longer walk, dreaming of the past to escape the future as the present seeps our blood and marrow, the desert sun, a piercing arrow, stabbing at our hearts.
We hobble, oh we hobble and we hobble through the wasted years, through bones and makeshift graves, we’ll hobble into the final age;
where vile droppings fell the freshness of the morning sea, turn to graveyards,
lest we be;
...swimming in an acid dawn.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It is estimated that within the next decade or two that the ocean will become so acidic as to dissolve the shells of mollusks and shellfish. This in addition to the already dwindling supply of precious fresh water which we must share with our animal friends. A supply by the way that we contaminate regularly, a supply that simply cannot be renewed.
Desalination was looked upon as the next great solution to water shortage despite it's expense. However considering how the oceans are becoming increasingly polluted due to oil spill after oil spill and Fukushima's constant radioactive leaks, in addition to the acidification of the ocean itself, it appears that we will have no viable water to look forward to in the future.
This is life. Forget profit, it doesn't exist. Nature has no concept of wealth, only of survival. If we all die, everything that we've accomplished will be forgotten, nature has no use for it. Currency will return to being simply paper and stone, and nothing else.
We need to stop thinking about ourselves and think of our children and all the other species that live upon the earth.

I lie on the bed as a corpse might,
my head tipped to the left with gravity.
Senses blocked-
no sound,
no touch,
no emotion.
But I can see, eyes glazed in a negative hue.
This moment of silence,
of solitude,
lasts the night.
Through our indifferent exchanges and my forced movements,
all I see is the pulsating rhythm of the changing room as
you move,
and I lie still
in the darkness.

I never sought your money, never sought your gold
all I ever asked, was for the truth to be told
while time has passed, my hope has faded
G-d only knows, how long I had waited
Memories I have as a little boy, once happy just to play with my toy
but as I grew up my mind did ponder, if truth really existed over yonder
reaching adulthood I saw for myself, the lies which my soul had been fed
only by the grace of G-d was I prevented, my steps to purgatory from being led
Now I am older, being blessed with a family of my own
left with so many questions, and still very very much alone
perhaps if only I could make sense, to understand who you really are
a chance to at least to be able, with hope to remove this scar
And you my forebearer, although you brought me into being
you gave me my strength, but my faith gave me my seeing
but now your are old, and you can no longer pretend
despite our relationship, gone is the ability for me to mend
Those missed opportunities, now my mother is no longer
only after her death, did I realize she made me stronger
my internal tears how inconsolable, when this truth set in
oh how much I failed to honor her while alive, this my sin
"Honor thy father and thy mother", have we been commanded
for no other reason or purpose, other than He has demanded
no matter how much grief or anger, you feel from you they deserve
avoid bringing punishment upon your soul, your anger do not preserve
Lessons of a lifetime, skeletons in the closet we all do hide
varying durations of time we have been pained, in whom to confide
there can be no escape, for our actions will we be judged
how difficult to overcome our ego, to this we can't be budged
While we cannot go back, stopping those hands from turning time
but we can seek to redirect ourselves, focusing toward the sublime
charity starts at home, therefore it's for our own ultimate good
eternal bliss really does await us, if we but only understood

It seems like there’s almost been
a total immersion…
Of so many people engaging in perversion!
Many are “sin’s slave.” And don’t know what to do!
Be careful! It could happen to me and you!
Just turn on the television! And you will find…
People with very warped and confused minds!
All you have to do is read Romans chapter one.
And you’ll see the “moral fabric”
is being undone!
In this passage it makes it so very clear…
The wrath of God against evil is very near!
The wrath of God is revealed against unrighteousness!
He’s a God of truth! And demands holiness!
No matter how many laws may say it’s “o.k.”
We need to really read
what God’s word has to say!
God is here and he really wants to teach us…
No matter our sin… He can always reach us!
The wages of sin is death…
But God gives life everlasting!
A victorious life in Christ…
Is yours for the asking!
Why not serve the God who created
the heavens above?
And be filled with his peace,
mercy and love???
By Jim Pemberton

Her whispers of "I love you"
echo from the arms of another man
bitter retreat into deceptions womb
remains the only thing I understand
for it is there consistency reigns
mere insanity becomes sound
lost in a chaotic bliss
never wanting to be found
yet I raised my hand
toward the simmering light
wondering what it would be like
to experience something so bright
sayers spoke of getting burned
warned about passionate flames of blue
such wisdom never held an ear
nor a treacherous fallacy like you
her whispers of "I love you"
echo from the arms of another man
bitter retreat into deceptions womb
remains the only thing I understand.....
Bob Shank-Oct. 7th, 2006
dedicated to the wisdom that my heart forgot

I had once walk this earth naked and broken
With my eyes I could not see
Finding a vein in my heart with the pulse of life
I no longer walk in the way of deceit
I was drifted to the jagged edges of my world
and the earth taking from under my feet
Arrows of truth killed my sorrow
Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is to come, and
today I'm at peace.

What the hell can I do with a pen
other than stab myself with emotion
would someone feel the pain
understand the constant agony
would they hear the tone of emptiness
or the longing in my heart to be held
thine ink has run its race
no ribbons for the losers
refills become another journey
to that backward path so hollow
indian ink shall one day become extinct
and the ashes will reach far and wide
but where will they land
upon which soul will they touch
whom will share the pain
caress the inner demons
and be thankful
to know they were never alone......
The holidays seem to have a certain effect upon the souls of many writers and
especially poet's. It can be a very telling time for many, as pain effects everyone
differently, and unfortunately there are far too many who can truly relate, but only
when it is shared and in doing so you can relish the fact that you are never
alone.....peace

Feelings can flood the soul
resulting in torrential downpours,
the tears like crashing waves
relieving the pressure,
cleansing the shores.
A brave face cannot always
dam the rising waters,
the vast reservoir
overflowing with dolefulness.
Peaceful surface waters
can cover tumultuous riptides.
Cathartic tears sometimes must fall
before the ardent feelings
of joy and contentment can return
with laughing eyes and smiling lips,
no longer hiding behind a glacial mask.
Learning to reconcile the yin and yang,
darkness and the light, ice and heat,
is the key to a harmonious existence.
We are all desperate for an amicable union
within ourselves,
a balance between the internal and external worlds.
God is the harmonious balance,
the peaceful waters,
and sometimes...tears must fall.

Declarations of Independence
Shadows of rock on roll
I want to go home
I wanna go home
I want to go home
Tomorrow
Exchanging love letters
and dirty looks
I love you
and History books
I want to go home
I wanna go home
I want to go home
Tomorrow
Sell your soul
Save my skin
Rock and roll
and violins
I want to go home
I wanna go home
I want to go home
Tomorrow
Tell me lies
and take them back
Hide and seek
and fade to black
Show me yours
I'll show you mine
How are you?
I'm doing fine
I want to go home
I wanna go home
I want to go home
Tomorrow
I'm still here standing still
Take the hill
It's time to kill
I want to go home
I wanna go -

If I knew I was going to die, today.
I really have no idea, what I would say.
I think I would go to work as always.
Since that is where my full heart plays.
I would tell my wife, that I love her so.
Much, much more than she would ever know.
She along with God saved my mortal life.
Rescuing me more ways than just being my wife,
I have no desires to fulfill here on earth.
Though I know I didn’t fulfill my worth.
Nevertheless, I served my best in integrity.
If I had only one day to live, just now,
I would tell all to live the best they know how.
Remember their mistakes, don’t make them twice.
But if they do, stay away from making them thrice.
My last words would be to say, everyone has value.
Though be cautious of the feeling they have overvalue.
My heart beat weakening, my breath weakening too.
Upon last breath, I say goodbye, precious life to you.
Written for
Sponsor Walayee Whitlock
Contest Name If I only had 1 day to live

I walk outside, under the darkening sky,
and contemplate this tumultuous past.
This rain has seen all that I have, all that's gone by,
witnessed me rise, watched me fall, and all so fast.
Rain has seen me on my feet, alone but unworried,
dancing to the beat of my own peculiar drum.
It has watched my first true kiss, perfect and unhurried,
the magic in its cadence causing our hearts' strings to strum.
There I stood, wind rushing down on our embrace;
basking in love's domain.
Rain has seen me in the air, up crying in my tree,
aghast at a love's loss, at what fate from me stole.
The cold turned it to frost, that then drifted onto me,
the solemnity of that moment forever etched on my soul.
There I sat, rain's partner snow caressing my face;
learning the truth of pain.
Rain has seen me on my knees, cast down and afraid,
of a life spent without purpose, a future alone.
It has watched me wander, from my path had I strayed,
the lyrical music following me into the unknown.
There I knelt, mist reminding me of absent grace;
struggling to survive the strain.
Rain has seen me in motion, walking off my history,
thinking of myself, of what lies ahead, not behind.
It and the darkness revealed some of the mystery,
of what, if I keep looking, in my future could I find.
There I walked, the moon my guardian, striding apace;
beginning to end a broken heart's reign.
Rain is watching me on my feet, once more,
ascending from the depths to which I fell.
It is watching me be convinced to no longer ignore,
my friend, the woman who had me under a spell.
Here I stand, yet weak but giving chase;
prevailing –
ever in the arms of rain.

Have you ever felt
so closed off
It’s as if you’ve been building a wall
between yourself, and the rest of the world
You can huff & puff
all day long
but your never going to get through
no matter what you do
I’ll out build your advances
So catch a clue
Things turn on a dime around here
and this construction crew will work nonstop
Block by block
As I listen to the clock
Tick
......tock
Tick
......tock
Right now
My mind
feels like a sealed envelope
I’m trapped inside
Postage applied
Theirs no chance of you getting back inside
Not at this time

You took and you took,
until I could give no more.
You corrupted my childhood,
abducting the youth I adored.
I tried to remain focused,
forgiving each and every day.
But your abominations towards me,
left me empty and betrayed.
It’s easy to say I forgive you,
even though a part of me never will.
It’s easy to say I’ve forgotten,
the trauma which you instilled.
But I keep pushing forward,
though the trials seem so tough.
You’ve stripped away my dignity,
making me callously rough.
Years you’ve taken from me,
impossible to ever give them back.
Silently suffering by myself,
for your ruthless brutal attacks.
I’ve gathered all my courage,
I shaved off all my fear.
Now all I see is the beauty,
of the Lord brushing away my tears.

I always think of myself first.
I am more important than anyone.
My needs are second to none.
If I am not the center of attention, I will burst.
Envision me in a Hearse.
My selfishness is still not done.
I always think of myself first.
I am more important than anyone.
I must certainly be cursed.
Selfishness to me seems fun.
I see no need to run.
I know I am not the worst.
I always think of myself first.
I am more important than anyone.

I plunged into the open air,
Felt a rush of blood within,
And spread my arms, so unaware
Of chills upon my skin.
I, now aboard this one-way flight,
Saw the moon and distant stars,
Discernible beyond the light
Of city lamps and cars.
I peered into each living space
To see beyond the hazy glass
And witness each new warm embrace
Before the great impasse.
But lonely faces filled my view,
Took from me my final hope,
And showed me that my hunch was true:
That we can’t see the scope
Of broken homes and true neglect,
Silent victims of abuse,
Unfit parents with no respect
For lives that they produce.
We cannot see just what we’ve done
So I lunged into the sky;
With no place to which I could run,
I said my last goodbye.

The loneliness is unbearable
The misunderstanding is crippling
All the years of active rejection
Slowly engulfing the being
How I thought them to be the worst
But it’s the passive rejection
That’s what’s really killing me
The quiet shunning of who I am
The subtle hints that I’m not invited
It’s quite evil really
Unaware of why,
My bitterness grows
Thus if I ask, they’ll point to a monster
The monster they themselves created
Once a wide-eyed optimist
Transformed by the continuous rejection
See, it initiates the group’s strength
Knowing they shared in the killing
Leaving the remains to the birds
Starved the soul is
Craving something
Anything, a heart can latch on to
But nothing is there
Everyone leaves
Deep thoughts, an empty stare
Drown myself in music and writing
And so it does heal
The slow, gentle numbing of the emotions
Of the deep pain I feel
Living through the art form
The only life I have
An outcast, the lone wolf
My loud howl from the top of the mountain
It’s impact felt only from within
Inclusion, I often question if that’s all I desire
Inclusion simply for the sake of inclusion
It’s not, but how pleasant it would be to finally feel it
Perhaps just until the right ones come along
My feelings are a dark empty abyss
I feel everything, and yet nothing
Impossible to express, as even I am unaware
I’m getting lost in my head again
Overthinking and zoning
Suppose it is explainable
As I haven’t gotten much sleep
Symptoms Of A Paralyzing Depression
Course through my veins
And I am aware of them
And I am scared of them
Yet what can I do, surely can’t tell anyone
How would I live with myself
So I’ll keep it to my own
Knowing my burdening of them, their cold pity
It would prove them right
All along, they knew I was a loser
This self-fulfilling prophecy always occurs
Labeled as a rebel, an outcast
A loser, a pariah
I want my feelings to be known, want them understood
Want them gently caressed
But it seems that will never happen
I am socially depressed

When you offer up your heart and soul
and pour yourself into a relationship
only to have it spat back into your face
and your heart ripped out and trampled under foot
right before your own eyes
and when you attempt any kind of damage limitation
to be laughed at almost hysterically
leaving you to hide in a dark corner
with the tears streaming down your face
feeling every raw nerve being scraped again and again
and yet you go on hoping for better
optimistically hoping for sunrise
when in reality there is only the night and darkness
the darkness of her nasty mouth and wicked laugh
in it all there is one glimmer of light,
the children you made are beautiful and bright
and young as they are they can see the truth
as you retreat further you feel it stir
deep inside it fights back
your spirit, that wonderful human thing
it’ still there unbroken, just a little bent
so you escape into your art
and pour into it your heart
but art has a dark side too
and it can bite you opening up the wounds
making you raw once again
facing the darkness from within your light
and so yet again you retreat into the night
...............deeper and DEEPER into Darkness

I have not eaten today,
But my heart is filled
Not hungry of affection.
I had a fill of you last night
A fill of you for a life time
All around us are walking corpses
Corpses of political disregard
Humans of no nations
Even when they are bona-fide citizens
Your blood and mine flows in them
The government abhors the poor
Feeds them with empty promises
Shoves them through the door
They pay the bills
For social amenities they can’t find
Pay taxes for their castles
Government built in the air
But we know their ancestors
Filthy dogs eating from the king’s crumbs
No; Lets not unknot the knot
Soon a messiah might heed us
In heaven’s book of life,
I heard the poor names are there
In here’s book of life
It is deleted.
Thus, in your head,
Lays your kingdom and glory
Get rich or die trying
Or; be their poor and keep sulking.
Well, like them I saw…
I have not eaten
Flesh gone weak to skeleton
Nevertheless,
The solitude of love within
Keeps me living; I am breathing
But I am moving,
Towards your direction
I see your beam
I feel new
When I see you
From my heart
Seeps through the rays of the sun
Its fun; this love on death line
We survived the genocide
We survived the war
We survived love
We survived us
I love you too.
This poem is dedicated to the abused tribes of Rwanda and Nigeria during their respective civil wars resulting in near human annihilation. Though time has passed, we still feel your pains chilling our bones. The survivors.

One joyful swig of your ice cold ecstasy
causes electric shivers of the most unique kind
as clear venom trickles blissfully downwards
once again reassuring me soon I’ll feel sublime
Slowly liquid fire burns thru every inch of me
And that sweet heat fills my dark emptiness
My senses are dulling and I’m totally numb
One more hit of ambrosia and I’ll care even less
Losing myself in your ephemeral liquid reprieve
I find temporary peace and solace of the soul
But too soon the bloom of the ambrosia fades
sad emptiness reappears to take its infinite toll
Live in brutal reality or lost in tranquil harmony
Christ, is there even really a choice to make
Just one more sip of fiery liquid amnesia
And the cycle continues with every sip that I take
To drink or not to drink is a daily struggle
The difference between numbness or enormous pain
Yeah, I guess there really is a choice to make
Choose wrong and there will be no me left to save

Upon the terminator
I stood alone
At the edge of the world
Looking beyond
Life and measuring
All of its true value
Succoring my spirit
It was here in my hand
I held both lover and foe
In a moment of truth
Remembering the purity
Of our oneness
I felt almost complete
At the thought of you
Sweet Michelle…

Trying to find somewhere to hide
Deep within myself, but no longer can I.
At the airport waiting for departure,
More and more heartache, it is such torture.
Feeling like a rope being tugged either way
Tighter and tighter becomes the pull and
Harder and harder I try to invoke fun.
But it simply is not there, only growing despair.
Barely able to see through tears of sadness
As if a permanent goodbye, my world crumbling around me,
Preparing for the worst, but without need.
For none of it is real, only within me.
Unable to feel happiness, weighed down with grief
Trying to lose myself, avoiding feelings of loss
Rejection and abandonment,
Repeated patterns so well known.
Like old friends
Finally being cast off as a snake sheds its skin.

It covers your soul as darkness draping over the sunlight,
Your Spirit seeks the world with penetrating eyes,
An undisputable wave, a persuaded glance,
A vanity inside abiding, and nonetheless
Fragmented consumed exhibits –
Pieces as shattered glass,
Dusted with suffering in twinkling’s time,
Whirling with frenzy, becoming a cavort
With mere thoughts of an empty heart-
Seeking out an eternity of dual hearts
Winged hand-in-hand evoking beauty,
A joyful dawn, a gem of love,
And mystery given by hours of a gentle work;
Your guarded soul knowing each mask which
Stands wishing and seeking the selfsame,
Poses evolving and amassing little understanding,
Statutes unfair do never-rest,
Simply leads to bareness far and wide;
Prisoner kept inside your encased wearied mask,
Do not accede to life’s ragged hand slaying your treasure,
Disrobe the mask you wear and sanctioned,
Mark your love and tranquility for a time to come,
Allow your soul to breathe unleashed;
Why wear that mask you display?

Living Today
By BJ Welsh
Waiting for the answer to come
Makes one’s life even more hum drum
Sitting and staring without any news
Is an impossible feat if that’s what you choose
How much longer can one be idle?
Losing one’s outlook as well their title
It’s easy to say just keep busy
The thought of moving makes one dizzy
It’s time to get over it, the pain of error
A life one used to treasure
But did you really believe that theory
Or did you grow tired and a bit weary?
Yourself or others, for whom did you live?
Did you really have all to give?
Suddenly, you put an end to it all
Now you have to accept the fall
Moving on is not so easy
The thought would make anyone queasy
Looking for acceptance in a loving place?
First try your young child’s face

I forget that I’m in trapped in a house of cards
until the wind comes blasting through
And I’m left again with nothing
Nothing but grief and this pile of all that I knew
I had to forget how much I cared for you
Something no one should ever have to do
Can you remember? Do you remember?
Those darkly happy days when you felt that way too?
Love so many bitter times unrequited
Two hearts broken----too broken to break anymore
You’ve become my dark horse in this race against time
And I hope to God we’re not about to lose
Futile
Infantile
And all around absurd
Is what this nightmare without you has been
We shouldn’t have to work so hard
To fall flat down on our faces
again and again
I wish you’d come out of your shell
and back to life in the warmth of my arms once again

A place for a myriad of pastimes
From bliss to despair
The pictures that hang here have a luminous glow from the rays that shine from
the sun
Sometimes I stare at the them wishing I could escape into the picturesque
setting where I am free from all my demons
My bedroom walls
Where my secrets lie
They see my sins
They hear my cries
Just one more place
Where my dreams have died
Ghosts from my past
Awaken me at night
I hear the howling
Of the wolves that lay in wait to tear my flesh
They violate sacred grounds
Like vultures they feed off me until all that is left is bones
If these walls could speak what would they say?
Would they scream my confidences like Banshees and give their mistress away?
Or will they remain silent?
Mysterious chamber of slumber where both romance and horror have performed
Where I keep myself hidden
Only they have the key to unlock the truth bestowing serenity on my soul
These bedroom walls don't crucify me for my wicked transgressions
In my bedroom walls I don't have to masquerade or put on a costume to conceal
my imperfections
In these bedroom walls I am free to be me

Hope you find all you desire,
In your world filled with denial
Before you grow you must plant a seed
And that requires trial
Effort means little when you simply speak
It's actions you must prove
Amazing how different things can happen
Once you actually move
I'm taking this situation to heart,
And letting God mold my fear,
Before it was to lose you,
and now to God my worries veer
Our struggles may appear alike,
But one thing you must consider
At the end of the day I have the Lord
And you continue to grow bitter
You can't hide your problems, can't ignore your thoughts
For each of us has our vice
Covering the issue up under the rug
Will only create the same mistake, twice

To shout outwards in ease is who we are
we think.
Then we whisper looking inside to find
something left behind
rancid
We realize we haven't found ourselves
yet, we pretend
we've been looking
but we haven't really.
It's all too scarey like Kafka's Gregory
afraid we'll wake up like roaches
too pitiful to live.
We place our masks on in the morning
for it's too bright out in the sun
a different face we lean on at night
whether full moon or not.
I've noticed people are reticent to soul search
they're too afraid of what they might find.
I've looked
I've found
I'm not quite sure what I'll do now.
This new found information leaves
me lost.

Why didn’t you say something
as your eyes bathed him in malcontent
drowning truth with your silence
too disgusted to vent
You walked right past him
like a stranger in a crowd
immune to his excuses
lying in shroud
Was his face worn by guilt
or just weary for love
reaching for compassion
bruised by your shadow above
Did he hurt you
like so many had before
demeaning you with his presence
unworthy of yours
Did he apologize
that fateful day at your feet
begging for your forgiveness
because he’s homeless in the streets

There, by the moonlight
Me and my dark knight do dance
My dress is silver
The same colour as moonbeam
Tonight I am lost in love
The night will end soon
I lament when my knight leaves
Will he come again?
I rest my heart on patience
Till I shall be in his arms

Corrupted and tainted;
tarnished from my past.
A heart full of wrongs,
made me this outcast.
Shameful my actions,
desired with fault.
Mistaken objectives,
casts a brutal assault.
Withered and worn,
this heart on my sleeve.
Lusting for power,
thirsting to deceive.
Besmirched is my mind;
smugly you grin.
You believed your abuse,
had completed your win.
The remorse I feel,
is all because of you.
tantalizing the weak,
ensuring I withdrew.
Now here I am older;
no longer the gullible child.
A heart vacant of bitterness;
a mind now beautifully beguiled.
I WIN……….

Fealty in service of love
For what I had came from above
Shadows fled wherever I stepped
They smiled back at me, knowing the end
A kingdom pure; innocent in peace
Its fires bright, my sword always sheathed
But I was scared of losing her heart
The wars I’d seen could tear it apart
Shadows spoke of crumbling walls
The city’s strength was starting to fall
The rising moon whispered of fate
A darkness within began to awake
A kingdom I could never let die
Such beauty, I thought, could never be mine
I dreamt of loss, and had nightmares of doubt
When I awoke, the monster was out
My precious home, besieged and at war
I heard the screams of thousands or more
I rose at once, unsheathing my rage
Toward the heart I slaughtered and maimed
This kingdom I swore to protect
My queen was lost, and a monster was left
I thrust my sword through to its heart
The pain I dealt was only the start
The sun arose, burning my eyes
I dropped the sword, and began to realise
My love is lost, and the shadows were me
This monster killed his beautiful queen

Adolescents gallivant the street in glee
they sing and shout enjoying freedom they never accounted for
knowing not the pain the ones before suffered so they may gain
Ignorant of the blood stained walls they pass as they happily walk
Their noise makes the streets come alive in the night
It disguises the cry of the meek to howls of joy
it silences the death rattle of the woman suffering at the hands of the beast for he still roams the streets
its tranquil in ignorance that covers the deceit of the man standing at the alter preaching
the one who hears the desires of the afflicted has gone to sleep
he sees us not for the fire that was once ablaze is extinguished
this treacherous sin is the wax that has covered the ears of the creator
darkness roams where light once was for evil prevails when the good cease to do good
behind closed doors his monstrous hands daily caress her body
everyone hears her cry yet hide behind their fingers and choose not to fight
a hero to many is a villain with no mercy
only the foreigner objects to this inhuman behavior
a heroine walks in to save the day for she is a purposeful trailblazer
a breath of fresh air that tangles the cobwebs that lay
troubles the stagnant waters that the nostalgic thought to be bliss
uncovers the hidden and frees her from captivating and enlightens the world on the wrong of the situation
A new generation rises to take their place
its a choice well all should make or drown on a trance to a dismal fate
its either we stare in ignorance or end the cycle of abuse
fight the scourge that has prevailed before
YOUTH WHERE ART THOU? THE TIME IS NOW! STAND UP AND FIGHT
Ignorance is not a friend!

Port of Call
Barefoot on a talcum beach,
alone, not lonely,
with the breath of the ocean a caressing balm,
soothing pained memories away,
to the swaying of a solitary palm.
Barefoot on a talcum beach,
alone, not lonely,
feeling the brushing away of all past turmoil,
on a quest for solace, ever so hard to find,
yet comforted by the crashing of the waves,
as the tide cleanses all pain,
and leaves despair far, far behind.
Barefoot on a talcum beach,
alone, not lonely,
drenched in a sea-breeze of mist,
that hushes the ache of bygone moons,
tasting the salty tang on my lips,
as the burnished sun,
over the distant horizon,
swoons,
and dips.
Barefoot on a talcum beach,
alone, not lonely,
searching, ever searching,
for a slice of solitude,
as memory bids a final adieu,
reaching under the sea so vast,
and seeking comfort in the depths,
while embracing,
the tomorrows to come,
wishing that they be true.
Barefoot on a talcum beach,
alone, not lonely,
seeing my truths drown,
as they slip beneath the turquoise waters,
feeling my heart ablaze,
with a passion that rarely falters.
Barefoot on a talcum beach,
alone, not lonely,
yet knowing that I am home at long last,
wishing the waves would wash away,
the defences that once stood,
like an impregnable wall.
Barefoot on a talcum beach,
alone, not lonely,
I have found, at long last,
my final port of call.

Who is this?
That calls me from my latent apathy.
Why is this good?
rescuing heart from lovers atrophy.
My desperate mewling
reached further than a shout.
Stumbling toe scraping limp
took me further, packed more clout.
I was lied to.
Thinking that you're bottomless ration,
could be earned,
could be bought with acts of compassion.
I was indulging in hurt,
abiding in poetic romantic pain.
I was thrashing around
bellowing at nothing,
needing to blame.
Why is this love for me?
when I was wasting all my energy
on a treadmill run.
Who is this?
That holds me light;
gentle as the moon,
source of the sun.

When I was born all I could do was cry
Life's such a thorn cause I was born to die
Life's such a rose blooming in the night
Hoping for love, reaching for light
And so there I was all alone with me
Standing in the dark too afraid to see
So, I closed my eyes and began to fight
That's when I turned away from the blinding light
Well, I grew up fast and caught the midnight train
Oh, those twists and turns on a track of pain
I held onto me with all my might
Around the bend I came, searching for light
A thorn and a rose, I had it all wrong
So I sat me down and wrote this song
I prayed to God to make things right
That's when He called my name and when I saw the light

Offering of sanity in a crystal vial.
Cleansed with the essence of a childhood lost.
Down the drain. Left a stain.
Opposing forces overtake the senses.
Clarity and peace – a figment of twisted imagination.
Down the drain. Nothing to gain.
Overload of obsession.
Counting, counting, counting number