Barclays To Top Death Defying League Tables

On more than one occasion, Lloyd Blankfein has been forced to prove he can subsist for days without food, water or toilet. Steve Cohen had a brush with death a few years ago that left him with chronic back pain. Biff Basness has had several harrowing episodes during routine manscaping sessions. While lesser financial services employees would use these experiences as an excuse to give up, on life and/or making it rain, none of them threw in the towel. Despite, for example, having one ball that will never return to its original shape, these men went about their work, business as usual. And businesses didn't just not suffer, it soared. Today we can add another survivor to that list. Another guy you can point to when your colleague whimpers about a mild case of carpal tunnel, or says he's thinking about looking for a slower-paced gig following a horrific car accident. A guy like Thomas Wopat-Moreau.

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As previously mentioned, TWM was found yesterday, alive in some woods of the Taconic State Parkway, after his BMW flew off the road, "going airborne before coming to rest about 480 feet away, upside down." He was covered in bugs and had been laying 120 feet from his car since Sunday, the farthest he crawled before getting stuck in a swamp. What we failed to mention was that this survivor? Is headed to Barclays. Where, once he recovers, will undoubtedly crank things up a notch