The 7 Stages of Making Mom Friends

Like many things in life — putting on Spanx, peeing in a public restroom without a purse hook, old Instagram posts — making mom friends can be a little awkward. Will your kids get along? Are your parenting styles drastically different? Will you be judged for your messy house? But of course, if you can get past those initial semi-weird hurdles that can come with starting a new relationship, making a new mom friend is a beautiful thing. Because, let’s be honest here, we need all the support (and laughs!) we can get when it comes to parenting.

Made a new mom friend recently? Then you can relate. Here are the seven stages of making mom friends. Relax, ladies. It’s awkward for everyone.

Stage 1: Sizing Each Other Up

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Moms can spot someone they think they’d get along with from a mile away. Maybe she has on the same sneakers as you. Maybe her discipline techniques seem eerily similar to yours. Maybe her laid-back vibe and general demeanor just seem downright pleasant to you. Whatever it is, you know a potential mom friend when you see one. And you zero in.

Stage 2: The Approach

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There comes a point in your sizing up when, unless you want to lose your potential friend, you need to go in for the kill. What’s a good conversation starter? Ooh! How about “How old is she?” in reference to her daughter going down the slide at the park. That’ll break the ice nicely.

Stage 3: Keeping the Convo Going

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Okay, so you know her daughter is 3 (same age as yours!). What else can you talk about now? You don’t want her to walk away yet! Ask her where she lives! Ask if she works! Ask if her daughter is her only child!

Stage 4: Hoping Your Kid Doesn't Act Like a Fool

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All right, so you guys have got a convo going. Everything seems to be going well — really well. But now your kids are playing. Will they get along? Will your child give her child a turn on the swing or just keep swinging like she always does? Will her kiddo make way so yours can try the monkey bars? So many variables at play!

Stage 5: Asking for Her Number Without Being Creepy

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When it’s been established that you guys — and your kids — get along well, it’s time to ask for her number. Is going to be weird? Yeah, a little. But who are you to pass up friends? You’ve got small kids! Just play it cool and be normal with something like, “The girls are playing so nicely. We should meet up again.”

Stage 6: Reconnecting

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One of the hardest parts about making — actually, make that keeping — mom friends is staying in touch. Everyone is so busy! If you really want to keep the momentum going with your new friend, send a text a few days after meeting up, inquiring about another hang-out session. It’s doubtful you’ll be nervous or feel weird at this point since the hardest part is already done. You’ve got this.

Stage 7: Being Yourself

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At your next mom meetup, chances are you — and your friend — will both be a little more informal (aka your real selves). This is when you can really tell if you’re a good friend match or if you’re better suited as go-to-the-park-once-in-a-while acquaintances. If it’s the former, awesome! You did it! And if it’s the latter, well, that’s okay, too. Can’t say you didn’t try!