Alexander - White Flags and Silver Spoons...

Ryan Alexander of Florida’s Alexander would like to add a little insight to your myriad of science vs. God debates in the forums. The unanswerable is answered: “Science claims that if you don’t see a pattern/then it’s probably faith and it’ll do you wrong/but what the scientists are soon to discover/is elements ignite when exposed to love.” Before you guys get upset that these “scientists” have been telling us religion is for the birds all these years, don’t worry – I’ve sent a few letters around to some key figures in the science community, ordering them to immediately desist this hate on the anti-pattern sect. I hope for some response. Also, I am outlining an 11-Step manual for the guys over at the Large Hadron Collider to devise a way of installing ‘love’ into the particle accelerator. If successful, it should, to no surprise, support Ryan of Florida’s steadfast claim. Ryan has a solution – let’s follow in the ways that Christians of old adhered: “When you were once the steeple/To which the people would run…Now you look back/At when the organ would play/The people would clap/ And the singers would praise.” Oh those wonderful times; Crusades, Turtullian-spread fear, Witch hunts – elements just don’t ignite like that anymore. Ryan offers his assurance: “I think you might/Just have to trust me on this one/ I think you might.”

Igniting with love for you all,
Scott R. Irvine

Dear dirty scientists of Absolutepunk,

You are probably only reading this review to know whether or not Alexander is instrumentally appeasing, having prior knowledge that this Florida troupe spreads the good word -- something we all know you're indifferent to or annoyingly adamant against. Well it'll all catch up to you some day, but let's move on, shall we? Alexander throws just about every pop-rock niche at you as they possible can. There's the singer-songwriter groove in "I'm Not Right", the Daphne Loves Derby trudge of "Sing, All You People", and the sassy sway of "Calamity Jane". While the band doesn't take any particular care to break from the mold (doesn't even matter, I love unoriginality!), they add a certain elegance to give the album a delightful seamlessness. "Monuments" even sounds like it has xylophones! White Flags and Silver Spoons... is worth applause and a het-er-o-sexual pat on the ass for at least giving us more bang for our worship. There's nothing worse than this shit. Am I right, y'all?