Ryan Lambert, better known as Officer Lambchopp, was a security guard at Laurence Tureaud High School. His efficient, unorthodox methods and comically oversized billy club have led to his being renowned throughout the world.

Contents

Lambert was hired in August of 2009 by Professor Nigel Rainsford Cavendish to combat the growing substance abuse problem plaguing the campus of Laurence Tureaud High School since 2008. Cavendish is on record as saying that "the only way to stop it is to have law enforcement walking around showing kids (that) it's not right." Lambert quickly clamped down on the sale, manufacture, and distribution of the street drug known as "Altoids," and remained on permanent hire until the school exploded in 2011.

Lambert was known for having a bit of an ego problem and for taking his job too seriously. Security footage from the school has uncovered such actions as conducting nighttime bathroom raids on Christmas and strategically positioning himself in front of large American flags for dramatic effect. He was also known for being extremely hot-headed; reports abound of him mercilessly slamming fugitives into electrical boxes and beating students half to death for touching his car. There were also rumours of his planning of a coup d'etat against Professor Cavendish, but these have been dismissed as heresay.

During the zombie invasion of the school in 2010, Officer Lambchopp teamed up alongside student Matt Stacy and eventually was able to save the school, although not before Professor Cavendish was turned into one of the undead and subsquently shot in the face with a fletchette shotgun. Following this disaster, Lambert placed the school under martial law and established a Reconstruction period, during which he ruled with an iron fist. He remained in his role as Principal-for-Life until the terrorist attack of 2011. Though his remains were not found in the rubble, he is presumed deceased.

Despite his flaws, his ruthless efficiency and club-twirling prowess endeared him to the faculty of the school. Extragovernmental espionage agency AEGIS expressed interest in securing his talents, and he was the subject of a heart-warming documentary produced by Happy Hour Films.