Ah, Dear Citizens, these are troubling times for fearless leader, Trump. After a very successful meeting with handler, Vlad Putin, "comrade" Trump returned home to slanderous accusations that the one-on-one meeting was a national security fiasco. In addition, left - wing snowflakes even complained that the soccer ball Putin gave Trump was somehow "bugged"; they will stop at nothing to smear the man "making America great again".

Also, fearless Trump has once again saved American farmers, his prized constituency (suckers) from the great tariff wars by bribing them with $12 BILLION DOLLARS since they are now unable to sell their soybeans, pig feet, and other disgusting pig parts to the Chinese. Many farmers complained that the money was "socialism" and they did not want it. I guess farm subsidies for not growing food, price supports, and other USDA programs are bad also but they take them, HMMM. The Chinese are actually buying these products from shithole countries like Brazil.

In other news on the trade wars, the wimpy leader of the European Union came to the White House to discuss EU trade policy with Trump. The presentation was given on simplified color charts and diagrams which demonstrated, once again, how fearless leader likes to keep it simple.

The administration's "zero tolerance" program has reached a successful conclusion with the return of 700 plus children to their law-breaking parents seeking asylum in the U.S. A good sign that the program is working private prison are profiting millions in taxpayer dollars.

On the domestic front, Ohio representative and Trump supporter, Jim Jordan, is campaigning to become the next speaker. Jordan who is being sued for ignoring sexual assault complaints while coaching wrestling at Ohio State in the nineties has the full support of Trump and is leading an effort to impeach the traitor, deputy AG Rosenstein. Jordan promises to be a real standup guy as leader.

And finally, the "witch hunt" continues with former Trump lawyer, Michael Cohen, smearing our leader with claims that he knew and authorized meetings with BFF Putin's representatives. Fearless leader, Trump, is confident that these claims will prove false even in the face of evidence that it is true; another case of your lying eyes deceiving you.