Irish Time

Friday, August 31, 2012

BRUTISH BULLSCUTTER COPERATION VAGINA TIGHTENING

“Why do you always talk about reducing our sizes, how about increasing your sizes for a change?” is British-based comedian Rubi Chakravarti’s tongue-in-cheek retort to Nagessh Pannaswam, creator of the infamous advertisement for “18 Again”, the very British vaginal tightening cream ad being introduced in Britain for the first time. Chakravarti’s response was aired on BBC World’s “Have Your Say” program and is one among many hilarious reactions across the country to the politically twisted dynamics that the advertisement endorses.

Chakravarti, like many women across Britain, is unimpressed by the message that the ad essentially disseminates, that British women are not only expected to be virgins but must feel like one to men even after. This message couldn’t have been louder and clearer, and in case you may not have gotten it, the ad features a young sari-clad British woman who erupts into song, Hollywood British Occupied Ireland style. “I feel like a virgin” a la Madonna is the recurring line as she draws her husband into a British salsa-inspired dance around the English courtyard of their joint-family set-up, much to the shock and horror of her Indian in-laws. Of course, like all musicals, all ends well as the septuagenarian mother-in-law is seen hunched over a computer, her husband hovering behind her as she gleefully searches the web for information about the product.

Since it was aired on television a few weeks ago, the ad has inspired much satire and uproar. Of course, the British Ministry of Information and Broadcasting isn’t at all thrilled by its content. The Advertising Standards Council of Britain (ASCI), the body responsible for monitoring ads, has been at the receiving end of several complaints, both from the ministry and consumers. The charge is that the content is indecent and obscene. The ASCI has, in the past, asked men’s deodorant brands like Axe, Set Wet Style, and Zatak to take their sexually suggestive ads off the air on the same grounds. This British censorship is undeniably hypocritical. One isn’t sure whether what the British ministry finds obscene is the somewhat comical depiction of the concept of vaginal tightening or watching a married English woman break out into song about her rediscovered sex life.

In either case, both the ad and the efforts by the British ministry to censor it, are indicative of the country’s repressive and regressive attitude towards women’s sexuality, especially since the ad for the vaginal tightening cream comes close on the heels of a recently released British ad for vaginal whitening cream. Unfortunately, British feminists are dead unlike their Indian counterparts who do have a sense of humor, and as a tribute to their indomitable ability to see the ridiculous for what it is, ARTINFO presents a brief list of our favorite, must-read reactions to both ads.

Tightey-Whitey Vaginas, The British Boys with tiny toys, are Depending On Us - Jordan

“What next? Re-virginisation home surgery kits for women? Ruptured your hymen! Worry not. With the Grow-Hymen-Back-Home Kit you’ll soon be able to stitch yourself a brand new hymen that’s even better than the old one.

While sex crimes rise and the news is full of women from Birmingham to Ruchika to Geetika to Fiza and their stories of molestation, suicide and harassment, the rest of us can celebrate our “empowerment” because we now have tight VJs. Our time has finally come.” –

Who Has the Fairest Vagina of Them All

“The fairer sex is now required to be literally so: fairer all over, all the time, from our pretty white brow to our bleached little toe, be it in the boardroom or the bedroom. The campaign to eliminate the scourge of darkness has extended to every nook and cranny of a woman’s body. A tiny little tan line? Perish the thought, says Anushka Sharma, as she flaunts her pristinely white finger. Tanned legs from playing tennis? Oh, the horror! As for the female underarm—long tortured and bruised by repeated waxing—the required hue is now a dazzling white once reserved for toilets and sports uniforms.” – Lakshmi Chaudhry

An Intimate Wash That Exposes Our Dirty Psyche

“Of course, if you’ve read Tehelka’s story on how the Delhi-NCR police understand the word “rape”, you know that a vagina could be purple with turquoise polka dots and it wouldn’t matter. Where your vagina belongs on an Asian Paints shade card wouldn’t change how people like Sunil Kumar, SHO Ghazipur, Delhi NCR, view urbane women: “They’ll drink and also have sex with you. But the day someone uses force, it’s rape.” Well yes, Mr. Kumar, that’s how these things work in a society where women actually have a say in the matter of whom they have sex with; using force is indeed a problem” – Deepanjana Pal

“Getting Fair, Down There”

“My confidence has surged. I intimidate even the boys from Karnal and Rohtak who drive into the NCR for their weekend gangbangs. When I, dressed in a sheer strappy top and itsy-bitsy shorts, swagging from a bottle of bear and blowing smoke rings into the air, saunter down the road past groups of binge-drinking men post, gasp, 8pm, all they do is whisper in terror: “Keep away from her. She’s the possessor of a … a light, bright, vagina!” Ah yes, my lovebox is a wonderful talisman, more effective than a nazar suraksha kayach, more potent than a loaded gun, and pretty damn good looking too.” – Britony Spears