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Cameron to give Satan ‘second chance’ as No.10 press secretary

Prime Minister David Cameron has today denied accusations of poor judgement after confirming that he has appointed Satan, former overseer of hell, as his new director of communications in Downing Street.

‘Satan has given me assurances that he did not know about any illegal practices in hell and has never been involved in criminality,’ said Cameron posing with Satan on the steps outside No.10. ‘Earlier allegations may have tarnished his reputation, but I believe everyone deserves a second chance. The most important thing for the country is that at the heart of government I have someone working with me who understands exactly how I think and how the tabloid media operate.’

Labour leader Ed Miliband has attacked Cameron for his ‘catastrophic judgement’ in employing Satan, suggesting that Cameron’s senior aides were made aware before the appointment that the devil knowingly employed a convicted criminal to work on his Hades tabloid, News of the Underworld.

‘I’ll admit that I did hear rumours about a rebellion against God and tempting Eve in the Garden of Eden,’ said Cameron today, ‘but let’s be clear that nothing was ever proven. And I’d like to thank the Metropolitan Police for the professional manner in which they conducted that investigation.’

But Cameron insists that he has done nothing wrong. ‘Satan and I have worked together over a number of years, and when you work closely you do build a friendship. He became a friend and he is a friend. We don’t get to spend as much time together as we’d like, but he assures me that there’ll be plenty of opportunity for that in the future. Last time he came to Chequers so next time it’s my turn to go to his.’