Usually if I am thinking about something i want to do I will sit down and write everything out and then figure out what I am going to do. So when I was thinking about where I wanted to go and the idea of going skiing came up I decided that I would organize. So I looked around and saw that there are some different methods for getting there and I am going to go there and then get a car from where I am to where I want to be at the field. There is a Denver to Breckenridge transportation company I am going to see if they will do what I need. But the thing is that I just don’t want to have to do it myself because that way I can go there and just have them take me.

There are a few other things I want to do but I think that I am going to be seeing how everything in my places goes first because I am getting some new items an d I want to get them set up before I do anything else. I don’t really like setting stuff up at my apartment because I am not too good at picking things out so I will just get the things that I think will be alright. However, there are some things I have that are pretty awesome and that is why I was thinking that I should get some more. My place doesn’t really have much style to it and hat is what I am trying to change. And when I get it all done I am going to see if there is some other stuff I can do that will just give it the final image that it needs. This may be something that I want to do later but I think that it’s going to make a big instant factor when people see it. So I have been seeing if I can get some stuff for that. And then there is another thing but that is kind of the same so I am just going to have to do that when I do the other things. Keeping all of this straight is what I need to do though because I ill have a lot of ideas and then I’ll be like working on one and then have to do another one and it’s like nothing really makes sense so I will try to finish this before I do the other things even though I want to do them in tandem. And that’s what I am doing with my home.

The best thing about my boyfriend’s flat is that he has this area to the side where he has a garden. That probably isn’t something that you would expect when you are thinking about things that guys have in their grounds, but it’s the kind of thing that he is interested in and it is making me interested in it as well. So I have been thinking about seeing if I can do that where I live. But I think that I might just see if I can use his, or help him with his, because it’s really nice and we grow some flowers and stuff that look really nice and I am not even sure what kind of requirements there are for that kind of thing. Just listening to him talk about the things he is putting in there is something that makes me curious and it’s the kind of thing that lets me kind of follow how he is doing it. But the coolest part is that he has this patio set there and you can go out there and just take a little nap or well, I don’t know if you would actually want to take a nap, but it’s a nice place to take a refresher and that’s part of the thing that I love it. But really the main reason is that it adds some character to what would otherwise be just a normal area . It’s like if you are out there and you are just seething with boredom and then you realize hey, there is this place that I can bring whatever I want and just get away from everything. Everything. Because it’s like what is going on can be so intense that you need to be able to have a place to yourself. And it’s even better if that place is yours. This might not be making sense, it’s kind of like just a bit of the explanation for why I think the garden is so cool. But really it’s because my boyfriend is awesome and the way he does things makes me want to do them, to, so that is why I am probably going to see if that is something I can do at my condo. He thinks it’s funny though and says that I should see if I can find something else that I might want to do but he is just being himself and that is part of the attributes that make him the type of person I can actually stand to date. Photo by Anita Berghoef.

It would be cool to learn to surf, but when you live here that isn’t something that you can easily do. Indeed, it’s a bit location specific. We can skateboard here, however, and I have some friends who are really into tricks, but I’m not that good at it although I still enjoy riding around. I think that one thing that makes skateboarding different from surfing is that you may have a little more control on a skateboard since it has wheels, and you don’t have to maintain a certain momentum to stay up. At least, I’m guessing that’s how it is because I’ve never surfed before. There are a few places I would like to visit where they offer lessons, though, and that would be on my list of things to do. But as for here I will have to stick with things that are available. I don’t think any of my friends have gone surfing, either, so I have no one to ask how it was, although I’ve seen pictures and stuff and it definitely seems like it would be cool. I would probably have to borrow a board from someone because I don’t think I would buy one if I were just taking lessons, but they might have some for you, too. So that’s another thing I would need to ask.

When I think of surfing it makes me think of people who are pretty relaxed and enjoying what they do. I bet that is part of what people enjoy and what makes them like it since not only is it probably something that is actually entertaining to do but is also kind of good because you can associate with people who all have an easy going mindset. I could be wrong, but that’s what it seems like as someone who has never actually been around that type of activity. But really, if I’m going to learn I would need to go somewhere that has surfing in the first place. So, it’s either going to be something I can do on vacation, or something that I don’t get to do at all, because the closest thing around here is, well, I guess you could play a video game. And the other thing I was thinking is that I would need to get the appropriate basics down first. You probably can’t just go out there and get a wave and stand up so there is probably some other stuff you have to learn in order to be able to actually do it correctly.

A guy I work with suggested to me that if I were looking for new speakers that I should check out the Logitech Z600 set. He said he got a pair and they sound pretty good. I don’t really know much about different brands but I have heard of Logitech and I know they’re pretty decent and they also have been around and a lot of people know about them since they’re not some no-name brand. Anyway, I looked them up online and what I read made them seem like they are pretty good. So I think that I might consider getting them. The thing is, though, most of the music that I listen to is done in my recording room where I have all my trumpets and stuff. So when it comes to computer speakers I don’t really need to get any that are too good, since if I wanted to listen to music for the sake of really hearing it I would just go into the study where I’ve got all my stuff set up.

There are a few computer stores around here so I might go there and see if I can find any that I like and see if they have that pair that I friend suggested. He is really into computer stuff and has a really cool system, but he also has been in the computer world for a while and builds computers for fun. Actually, I think that when it comes to the point where I want to get a new PC I might have him build me one instead of just getting one from the store. I think that if you build one you can probably get the specifications exactly how you want and you can leave off the things you don’t want and it’s probably a better option in certain circumstances than just buying one at the store. So I think that I will talk to him about that and I bet he would want to do it because he is always telling me that he wants to teach me how all of that stuff works so I figure building a computer would be a good way to do that. But the other thing that I talk to him about is movies because he and I seem to have the same taste in movies and we even have run into each other at the theater a few different instances where we were seeing the same movie. But back to what I was talking about, I’m going to ask him if he wants to build me a setup that will do everything I need it to do which is basically play music and be able to handle some of the applications I use and then we’ll see if that will be a good way to get what I need and not have to pick from what they have already made at the stores since some of those compete with other brands but they put a lot of other stuff on them that I don’t necessarily want. My friend will probably be pretty happy to build a desktop for me especially considering I’m going to tell him what I want and he’ll get to order all the parts and he’ll probably enjoy putting them together. Of course, I don’t need one that is as robust as the ones he makes for himself, but I’m also not into computing as much as he is so it wouldn’t really be anything that I would need for my programs and stuff that I have to run when I’m using the setup that I have.

I might be looking for a new car. I’ve been wondering if I should get something that is a bit more of a sports car than what I have now. I’ve been driving a Ford Focus and it’s a great car and everything but I’m looking for a car that is a little bit classier. I think that I am going to lease my next car so I’m not stuck with it if I don’t like it, but I also think that I’m going to need to get some more information about that first because I am confused. I know how a lease works but I don’t really know the intricate points of it. I think that I’ll have to read more about it. I’m going to see if I can find the best lease deals and find the car that I like the best. I will probably have to go to a few places and see what is available because I don’t even know what I want. I just know that I’ve been wanting to get anew car and I’m probably going to do that. I usually make fun of people who start feeling like they need to get another car but now that I am wanting it, I see where they are coming from. Again, there’s nothing wrong with my current car and I like it a lot, it’s just not quite what I want to keep driving because I think that I should get something that is a little bit more expensive. Not that price even matters. But you know, I just want something different and I’m thinking about a luxury vehicle. The other thing is that I don’t even know if I’m going to put that many miles on it because my commute isn’t very far. I think leases have like limits as to how far you can drive each year or something but I don’t think that would be a problem for me. I probably drive to the store and to work and that’s about it. But the other thing I want to make sure of is that I understand the lease options and everything. I know you can buy the car at the end i you want and I don’t know if I’m going to do that right now, or if I’m going to trade it in on another car or what.

So I’m going to go online and look at a few cars and see if I can find one that I think I would want and then I will go from there. Of course, it will have to be one that is available with a good deal, too, so I’m going to have to look at all of those things first before I make any decisions about what I want to do her.

I am trying to get into the fitness thing but I am kind of having a bit of an issue with getting some of the things down. For example, I have been doing some squats but I am not really liking them because they are hard! I do weighted squats and I also do just body weight squats and they are both really a challenging leg workout. And then of course there’s cardio which I like even less. Running is so not something that I find easy. I try to run a few miles but it usually ends up being closer to about one mile and then I decide that I am tried and have to walk for a bit. I go at a decent pace, too, it’s not like I’m running fast but more like a jog, and really! I will feel my body just be like nope, we don’t want to run anymore, why don’t you walk instead.

Now one of my friends is a running expert. She goes running all the time and I’m talking for miles. Her warmup is quite the workout in itself and she has been telling me some things I can do to improve the distance that I can run and I think I might try to. The only other thing that I do for my workouts are curls with dumb bells and I can do the 15 pounders for a few reps. I think that I am going to see if I should do pushups. The other thing I have been thinking about is looking into a supplement like garcinia cambogia extract and seeing if that would help. I think that is mostly for weight loss and that isn’t something I’m interested in at the momemtn but I have been reading about it and it seems like something I might want to read up. For now though I am just going to stick with all this running and squatting and seeing if I can get to th epoint where I can run for a bit longer then on eile. I might even get to two miles or, hey, maybe even some crazy amount lie five miles. Obviously I am talking about without stopping. It seems though that the increases in endurance come pretty consistently with running so I am going to get there and then I will be able to start trying some other things and talking to my friend more about her running stories.

When things are going well they will attempt to create drama. This is done for two reasons: 1) boredom, and 2) to “test” you.

Let’s examine these:

You are a man. Your life revolves around doing things, getting things done, successfully finishing stuff and facts and figures and data. You likely thrive on stability. You probably enjoy shows on TV that talk about the specs of new cars, or show you how to build things with wood, or that show people striving for some kind of goal, whether against the elements, against themselves, or against another team.

She is a woman. Her life revolves around feeling the emotions of the moment. Stability is boring. If things remain stable for too long she gets bored. When she gets bored she wants excitement. Drama is excitement. It might not be good, but it allows her to feel things. Women enjoy TV shows where people are feeling emotions, reality shows where there is gossip, plots to stab people in the back, and lies.

This brings us to #2:

She’s testing you with her drama. If you react or get needy, you lose. If you lose, her attraction for your drops. A woman can create drama out of thin air and if the man gets all needy, apologizes for something that isn’t his fault (for example, most sitcoms; especially Home Improvement), or otherwise reacts from a place of neediness, her attraction for you falls because you aren’t being a man.

This is why “where should we eat for dinner?” “I don’t know.” “How about sushi?” “I don’t want sushi.” “Ok, how about Italian food.” “I don’t want Italian food, either.” “Well, what do you want?” “I don’t care, you pick.” “Ok, let’s have Mexican food.” can turn into a night of drama and her being in a bad mood all night. You know what I’m talking about, where she’ll go along with you but be in a foul mood all night. And you ask “what’s wrong?” and she goes “nothing!” and you say “well you’re acting like you’re in a bad mood” and she replies “that’s cuz you keep asking me what’s wrong!” despite the fact that you asked her because she was in a bad mood and therefore your asking her is not the cause of her bad mood. She is using emotional tension to test you for control of the relationship.

Every time you fail that test, her attraction for you drops.

Most men are uncomfortable when their gfs or wives are in bad moods and creating tension.

You know this feeling. You can even feel it when you’re with another couple who is doing it.

It’s why the phrase “happy wife, happy life” was created. Men do whatever it takes to keep their women from getting into bad moods, and that is reactive, and it makes the woman lose attraction. Women know this and use it to their advantage all the time, especially if you have a history of failing tests. It’s entertainment to them. It’s why those guys probably never have sex with their wives. Let me rephrase that, it’s why these men’s wives probably never want to have sex with them.

Disclaimer: if you actually did something wrong, apologize.

If your SO is using emotional tension to try and get you to apologize when you didn’t do anything, be aware of what is happening and consider if you actually want to date her.

To be fair, some women are actually pretty low on the drama scale and don’t do this kind of stuff very often.

I’m making a few presumptions. 1. The person has your best interest at heart. They truly value your happiness. (The person cares) 2. That they would gladly trade a little of their own happiness for a lot of yours. (the person is not selfish) 3. They know you quite well 4. You trust, with past experience as an indicator, that #1, #2 and #3 are true.

If you cannot presume the person cares, is unselfish, and knows you well, the rules are completely different.

You then must trust that an unselfish person who cares and knows you quite well will tell you what is necessary to maximize happiness. They will tell you all the things they reasonably expect will not cause unhappiness, they will tell you all the things that they reasonably expect to cause more unhappiness by omission, and they will reasonably tell you the things that will cause one party to be slightly unhappy and the other party to be notably more happy.

You then are ignorant to things they could not have reasonably foreseen, or that would have caused a net long term, big picture unhappiness. I guess the impact of this is highly dependent on how well you think the person knows you and is sort of a negative loop as the less faith you have in them, the less you may tell them and the further off their judgement will be. You are also ignorant to the things which would have caused you great harm and no perceivable benefit.

I do see that obviously if a girl steals all your money for cocaine, knowing that she stole the money will not bring it back and exposing her deceit will cause you more short term pain than not. I think situations like fall to personal ethics. I understand what you are saying that it’s a slippery slope, but that just the way I see it. I both consider stealing ethically wrong and try to associate with people who agree, so stealing and lying/omitting about it is it’s own wrong that would compel you to commit the lesser harm of telling someone even though it would cause them unhappiness. Think about the even greater harm that you risk by lying and then being found out.

My boss once said “you are good at making sure I know what I need to know”. Not that “you tell me everything”. That just kind of how I see it. For instance, if you are the kind of guy who gets a thrill out of men hitting on your girl, it’s unkind not to share that, but if you are the kind of guy who gets threatened, it’s more complicated. She has to now weigh a lot of complex things and try to do the kind thing (which isn’t the same as the easy, or confrontation free thing).

Major life changes often bring about changes in other areas, existing relationships being one of the first things to go.

Lots of doctors, lawyers, professional people dump their partner upon graduation, or soon after, when they change their everyday social context and start coming into regular contact with new people…and of course realizing they can now do better than you (in their mind anyway).

Bad on you for snooping, but given the circumstances, it’s totally understandable. And looking at some phone logs…well in the whole grand scheme of things, it’s not that bad.

So therefore, good on you for following up. So now that you have this information, what are you going to do?

So, let’s review.

(1) She selectively erases only his email.
Why? The ones you saw were innocuous. The ones you didn’t see may have been more juicy, but probably not. Even though the actual text of the emails were probably not incriminating, in her mind, she knew she was carrying on something secretive, something illicit.

So even if she provided a full transcript and it turned out to be super boring, it’s irrelevant. The fact she is hiding her tracks tells you the emotional context surrounding those emails. It may not be visible on the page, but it’s there.

(2) She gets many frequent calls throughout the day.
Many many short calls. This calling pattern only happens in either ending a love relationship/stalking (where attention is unwanted) or beginning a new love relationship (where attention is desired).

So I think we’ve established that there is a personal, emotional connection between the two of them. As to whether it’s become a physical relationship, we can’t tell with the data you’ve supplied thus far.

But anyways, it’s almost moot anyways. Once you win their heart and mind (emotional), the body is a foregone conclusion. (Although my guess is that no, they have not slept together).

So…let’s assume this hadn’t happened.
What do you want? With whom do you want to be with?
Assume for a moment that you aren’t a borderline slacker, and would not continue being with her simply out of inertia or lack of effort in searching out a new partner.

If you could custom design your partner…how close would she be to it?
Ask yourself what YOU want. Decide if how closely she fits to that.
Then determine whether this is worth saving or not. If you expended a lot of effort, I think it probably is savable.

Although if she does not satisfy her curiosity now, I think in 3-6 years there will be a repeat occurrence, with more serious consequences, esp. if you have children by then. This is actually a blessing in disguise.

Is it July yet? More specifically is it July 24th yet because I’ll be down under in Australia when it is. I’m going there with my family on our first vacation together in years. We used to go all the time when my sister Amy and I were younger. The vacations sort of fizzled out as we got older which was fine. I was more into the boys and cheerleading and hanging out with my friends than going away for a week with my parents in the middle of summer. When my Mom called me a while back to ask if I wanted to go with them I couldn’t say yes fast enough and my sister was the same way. It is going to be so much fun. We are doing a bunch of stuff including taking a tour of Fraser Island which is only the largest sand island in the world.

I already put in my time off request at work and got approved so I’m all set. I still have a valid passport so I’m all set in that department too. Amy had to go and renew hers which I made sure she did because she is known for putting things off. I could just see us getting ready to leave for the airport the morning of our flight and her saying that she forgot to do it. That would be typical of her but like I said I made sure she went because I went with her to do it.

This weekend we are going shopping together for the trip although I don’t need much. I want to get a new swimsuit or two and a new pair of flip flops but besides that I’m pretty much set. I am not lacking in the clothes department that is for sure. I have two closets full of them and since I have been the same size for the last 10 years everything still fits me. I am really careful about my weight and figure. I am actually like 2 pounds over what I like to be but I’m going to the gym tomorrow and will lose it there. I feel like a jockey sometimes when it comes to my weight although I will not sit in a steam room to lose weight like they do. That’s about it for now. Make sure you check back sometime in August and I will update this with how the trip was.