Taunton suicide survivors meeting offers solace

The parish hall of the Episcopal Church of St. Thomas became a place of healing for survivors of suicide on Saturday.

Christopher Nichols

The parish hall of the Episcopal Church of St. Thomas became a place of healing for survivors of suicide on Saturday.

“Why we’re here is (because) not enough is done for survivors,” said Annemarie Matulis, program director of the Greater Taunton Suicide Prevention Task Force.

About 20 residents from the area gathered to share their grief of having lost a loved one to suicide.

The group was part of the 14th Annual Survivors of Suicide Day supported by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP).

“This is a worldwide conference that happens on the same date,” said Melanie Varady, Massachusetts Area Director for the AFSP. “It’s a very powerful conference because people find a community out there that supports them.”

“You’re in a safe haven. That’s what this day is meant to be,” Matulis said as she began the conference in Taunton.

The group at the Epicopal Church of St. Thomas was one of nine groups meeting around the state.

The Survivors of Suicide Day began in ten U.S. cities in 1998. Since then, the day has grown internationally, spreading to over 300 cities in 13 countries.

Each year, approximately one million people in the world by die suicide, according to the AFSP.

In Taunton, the emotional toll of this public health issue that is not often openly discussed was visible as a number of survivors rose to tell the story of their loved one and their grief. Others simply sat and took it all in.

As the day unfolded, the group of strangers became a supportive community, with tears often met with embraces and advice on how to deal with the loss of a loved one freely given.

“It’s not something you get over. It’s something you get through,” said Rachael Calise, who lost her brother Jared to suicide on March 30, 2007.

Calise described Jared as a bright star that burned out too quickly.

“Always smiling, always laughing. Everybody was just gravitating towards him,” she said, adding that he was athletic and a member of his school’s wrestling and football teams.

As time progressed, Jared, who Calise said suffered from bipolar disorder, developed a substance abuse problem and became addicted to a number of drugs and a party lifestyle.

Jared eventually ended up in prison, and, despite making a number of suicide attempts while locked up, Calise said his mental illness went largely untreated.

At the age of 27, Jared strangled himself with a shoelace in a shower at Bridgewater State Hospital.

“They let him slip through the cracks,” said Leslie Aranda, Jared’s mother.

In grieving the loss of her brother, Calise said she experienced a range of emotions from anger to guilt to sadness. She hoped her presence at the Survivors of Suicide Day would inspire hope in other survivors, knowing that there’s somebody else who has dealt with the grief for five years and made it.

She also hoped the stigma around suicide would change, noting that some family members don’t acknowledge that Jared died by suicide and many people do not like to discuss it.

“When you say suicide, you see the wall go up,” Calise said.

“I’ve seen people run away from me in grocery stores,” added Aranda.

Calise and Aranda attended their first Survivors of Suicide Day on Saturday. Calise, who has attended survivor support groups in the past, brought her mother to the event to try to get her involved in support groups.