Q: My daughter will be in fourth grade next year and I really want her to be in a particular teacher’s classroom. I have heard that she is the best teacher and that the other teacher is mean and hard to deal with. How strongly should I push for this?

A: It depends on your school district if they will even take requests for a specific teacher, says the Help for Families panel. Some schools may not allow it and ultimately the school will make the final decision.

“You need to sit back and decide who this is about,” Daniels says. “Is this about wanting to protect your daughter? If you are successful in changing her teacher and it turns your daughter doesn’t match well with her, you’ve taught her a worse lesson. Children learn more from adversity than they ever could from successes. Challenges help us grow. If you decide to do this, make sure you do it in a balanced, proactive way.”

Sometimes it is good for a child to not get the teacher they want, agrees panelist Denise Continenza.

“You can’t always pick who you have to work with in life,” she says. “Trying to pick her teacher could set up a pattern for her that if she doesn’t like one teacher she’ll just go to another instead of learning to work with all types of people.”

However, there also needs to be a balance, Continenza says. It may benefit your daughter to have a teacher who works best with her learning style and temperament.

“If you think it would be a detriment to your daughter’s learning to have a certain teacher, go to the administration and address it as a learning style issue. Say, ‘This is my daughter’s learning style, which teacher would you recommend?’ Let the school be in the driver’s seat and give them parameters to work within.”

There is a fine line between advocating for your child and trying to control too much of your child’s life, says panelist Rochelle Freedman.

“Every life experience is a teachable moment,” Freedman says. “You could be modeling for your child how to advocate for herself. However if you get bent out of shape you could be setting up anxiety for your child. The deck will be stacked against her if she approaches this teacher expecting it not to be good. Just because you’ve heard negative things about a teacher doesn’t mean the teacher won’t work with your child.”

Don’t hesitate to talk to the teacher if there’s a problem.

“Teachers appreciate parents who are concerned,” Freedman says. “Even when things are running smoothly, talk to the teacher. It’s a wonderful opportunity to create greater communication. If there’s a problem you can always make changes.”