Well, I did it again. You'd think after putting myself through the same thing so many times before that I would eventually learn my lesson, but you'd be wrong.

A friend of ours invited the wife and I over to his house Saturday afternoon for a pool party. Nothing unusual; there was a pool, we grilled a few hotdogs and a few chicken wings and we worked our way through a cooler full of beer. But it was 94 degrees and sunny all afternoon and, as they say, time flies when you're having fun. By the time five o'clock rolled around I started to experience a subtle but unmistakable 'sizzling' sensation all over my body.

By that time it was too late. I already had that bright pink coloring that you usually only see on steamed shrimp.

The wife got it pretty bad, too. With both of us tossing and turning uncomfortably all night we didn't get much sleep.

Personally I blame the sunglasses I was wearing all day. I couldn't see I was getting burnt. That and beer makes for a pretty good anesthetic.

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"A new study says that children are suffering bad health effects from eating too much pizza. The study was explained in a pie chart which children immediately tried to eat." -Conan O'Brien

***

"Last night was night three of the Republican Convention, and if you thought the first two nights were exciting - then you really need to get out more." -James Corden

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"There's a new weather phenomenon, causing unusually high temperatures, expected to get up to 115 degrees in some states. So, don't go to some of those states. And the fear is that the heat dome will turn into a thunderdome, and we'll have to turn to Mad Max to help us." -Jimmy Kimmel

***

A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change, and then goes back and says to the cashier, "Hey, you gave me the wrong change!"

"Sir, you stepped away from the counter," said the cashier. "We don't make corrections after you leave. There's nothing I can do about it now. That's the policy of this bank."

"Well, ok," answered the customer. "Just thought you'd like to know that you gave me an extra twenty. Bye."

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

My mother and I were walking through the mall when a man stopped us to ask if we would take part in a survey. One of the questions was; "Do you think there is too much sex in movies?"

"I don't know," replied my mother. "I'm usually too wrapped up in the film to notice what the rest of the audience is doing."