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It can be done, with kids that age it will take a few weeks and much work. The change has to be drastic enough to cause them in thier young minds to take notice. I would suggest a clean slat approach. When they go to bed tonight let them know that tomarrow things are going to be different and they will need to listen and do as you tell. Take everything away, EVERYTHING. Have them to a task before every meal, until they do the task (it coud and should be fairly simple it is just to establish authority) they do not eat. If after you are done eating they are not done, meal is lissed and they can try again the next meal (same fro snacks). Before they can do anything except pee and poop, they need to do a task. It can be as easy as having the 3 year old close or make sure all the doors are closthed (the task should be something they can do and isn't too difficult to ensure the struggle isn't with the task) when the do as you ask praise them and reward them in the evening with a treat, it could a fun activity of bouncing on the bed to ice cream whatever you think will be enough to let them know you are happy with them and they are rewarded) Now if they didn't listen or it was a struggle, then advise the child it wil be more difficult tomarrow and in the morning have them do extra tasks before meals and before privledges. Ensure they have to ASK YOU fro everything (including going to the restroom) If they fail to ask you, they get a task to do or a time out. I have yet to have this issue with my children but have delt with it with children Ihave watched. It can take a few hours or a few days for the kids to catch on, given the dad has made it clear to the kids you are not the authority it will be difficult when he returns even if you estabilsh authority with them. It is important that a parent never undermines the other parents authority in front of the kids. Before you dh returns let him know that it is no longer acceptable for him to do that and if he has an issue withhow you do it or wants to step in to first ask to speak with oyu and either have the children leave or go to an area the kids can not overhear you and discuss the matter. If it is decided he wil handle it the YOU tell the kids you are done and dad is going to handle it now. That way he can do it his way and you maintain authority with the kids.

Quoting kdjdod081013:

My husband is a much more harsh disciplinarian, I've always been consistant but it finally got the point of him feeling like I wasnt strict enough (I rarely yell, don't spank hardly at all, give one chance before I discipline) he started pushing me back and taking over wih the smallest disobedience. Like not letting me handle ANYTHING, so now the kids refuse to listen to me at all.

He's away at training and agreed to do things my way and letting me handle the kids at times without his "help" when he gets back, but ONLY on the condition that I have the kids obeying me when he comes home. They are three and four, there's no need to be that harsh, but I have to somehow manage to establish myself as the authority, and get them to listen before he ges back. When he returned from deployment the kids listened to me.

No one sees a issue with the fact that am treated like the daytime nanny, not the mother,so it's complete hell for me to try to regain some measure of authority when he leaves. The only way he'll see that he's hurting and not helping is if I have the kids on track when he gets home.

Quoting LADYxGHOST:

6 weeks is plenty of time to see a near 180 change in your children, however it is difficult work. You wil need to make a list of the undesired actions, list teh causes and influances that made these actions (be real honest about your part too) write the desired action to replace the undesired action and set clear rewards and concequences. EVERYONE needs to work together. You can not expect children to change if the cause is not from them and they are just responding to a situation. The situation that is the cause needs to change. Not to say anything ill of you or judge you at all since i have no idea your situation. Many times childrens behavior gets out of control due to a reaction to a life changing event that cannot seem to cope with or becasue they have been allowed to behave that why either by permisive parenting or inconsitant parenting. Stand your ground, if they challenge you or defy you you must not back down, give up or walk away. You must be clear you are the parent. If you can not engage at the time, then walk away and come back to it whaen oyu can. Once the battle of wills is begun you must stay until you are the victor ( without resorting to violance) If you have been inconsistant or permisive (usually when the parent is a type b personality and the child is a type A) then you need to not back down and the battle will be longer since they are used to getting away with it eventually. Instituting a boot camp type life helps since it is strict and a sudden change from the norm so it gets the attention. Letting them earn back privedges they took fro granite, like tv, phone, internet, desert, eating out, sleeping in. Instituting a strict chore or duty list for them to accomplish helps becasue it makes the battles about that stuff so you can win more faster. You need to work with them and hold yourself to the same standard. Ask them things they want you to change and if they are things that need changed like yell less or listen more or not jump to concusions, and not let me do whatever i want, then add them to the list. Deny yourself the same stuff you deny them until they all reach the goals. It takes determination, strong will and perserverance but it can be done.

Quoting kdjdod081013:

If so PLEASE tell me how, I have 6 weeks to completely turn my kids around.

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