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January 09, 2010

Encouraging Words 1/9/10-"Be Who You Are"

Q: I’m gay, and live in a very small/conservative town. If I came out, I’d probably get kicked out of the house. I’ve tried to not be the way I am, it’s just not happening.

Should I tell anyone, or just keep it quiet until I can move away? Or something else?

A: I get emails all the time from gay teens who are struggling with the issue of when and how to come out. And no matter how many I get, I still always think, “For serious? This is still an issue for people?” That’s because in my book, everyone is entitled to love, in whatever form that takes (as long as it’s not harmful to others). I couldn’t care less whether you’re gay, straight, transgender, or celibate. You are deserving of love.

Anyway, you don’t say how old you are, but I’m going to assume somewhere between 16 and 20. Not knowing that makes this a tough one to answer, because there’s a world of difference between being 16 and in high school and being 20 and nearly out in the world.

I wish I could use my mantra for all things, “Be who you are” here, because really, we should all be able to do that and know that we’re guaranteed love and acceptance – especially by the people closest to us. But part of the downside to being an adult or almost-adult is the accepting that our decisions and actions have consequences. Sometimes, those consequences aren’t fair, but ranting about that isn’t going to get us anywhere, is it? In this case, as with most cases, we have to deal with what IS, even though it totally sucks.