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Friday, December 09, 2011

I might joke about the Duggars and their two football teams of children and I even said when she announced her pregnancy that I was not sure it was a good idea considering what she had gone through in her last pregnancy and delivery, but there is nothing funny about a miscarriage. Michelle found out about it at her regular monthly doctor's appointment. The doctor tried to find a heartbeat and could not. Can you imagine the pain of carrying a baby for five months and then going into a doctor's office thinking everything is fine and discovering that the baby you were carrying and looking forward to seeing has died. Truly awful.

I've had several miscarriages, including a second trimester loss. I am currently (and very cautiously) expecting again, and was amazed at how many negative responses to this I saw last night on my birth board. I may not agree with all of the Duggars' decisions, but no one should have to endure this pain. It is so tragic. And to Mountain Girl and sharknerd, I'm sorry that you guys have been through this as well.

And hopefully it doesn't have to be "a sign" of anything. By that logic, I shouldn't be carrying the child I am right now, which is very much wanted. I'm not trying to be mean, I just don't like thinking that a miscarriage should be a sign in any situation...

@ KLM I apologize, I don't think that a miscarriage is a sign of anything.

I was referring to the fact that the reason the Duggars have given for having so many children is that they interpreted a miscarriage they had early in marriage as a sign that they were being punished by God for using birth control.

I disagree with interpreting life events as messages from God, I think it's bad theology. I also think that they reacted to a very painful event in a way that made sense to them, but isn't necessarily correct.

Based on her age alone I think it's time they take steps to prevent pregnancy. They are blessed with many children, even if thats not the family some of us would want to build. She can start to enjoy the grandmother role as well! I think it's easy to assume the oldest son and his wife are trying to have a large family as well.Truly heartbreaking though and not something I would ever wish on anyone. I'm so sorry for those of you who have been through a similar experience. @KLM congratulations to you!

I don't think it matters if you have zero kids or 19, this is a very painful experience. Not just for the parents in this case, but for all the other kids who were looking forward to a new brother or sister.

Hugs to all who have experienced this. Hugs to those who are trying and Hugs to those who are presently carrying. Also, Hugs to the daddy's who experience their own pain during a loss like this. Heck, hugs all around.

Baby making is a wonderful, scary and unfortunately sometimes heartbreaking experience. I was very happy to see Enty didn't snark. There is just no place for it.

I want to second BigMama and other comments that send out hugs and love to everyone who has dealt with this. I have, too, and it hurts. Takes awhile to get over, too. I'm sending you all a big cyberhug.

I think this is absolutely heartbreaking, but I agree with Fiesty's notion that maybe her body cannot handle anymore.

I don't think its a "sign" because as KLM mentioned it can happen to anyone, at anytime. I have never been pregnant but I have PCOS so from the gate I will be susceptible to miscarriages. It doesn't mean I won't try and it doesn't mean if I have one I will take it as a "sign" that I need to stop trying. But after 19 kids, it may be her body's way of asking them to stop or as Maja said, adpot if you really want that 20th. I think as a husband due to her age and what her body has gone through, I would fear for HER health as well.

How truly sad. Read yesterday that the night before the doctor's appointment, they were picking names. And she was in her second trimester.

I've had a miscarriage once, and you feel like a walking tomb for your much expectant and already loved child. It is awful, and lonely. No one truly understand the perpetual sadness of that loss.

Although I don't watch their show, it seems to me that the Duggars have yet still a lot of love to give, so second Maja and Al, adopt American babies needing your love and your home. Heck, a family of 19 is a CLAN! So adopting a baby would already give him or her a sense of community within that clan.

Very sad. When I read the headline this morning, I felt terrible for her. I am so sorry to those posted who have miscarried. I cannot imagine that experience. I carried my son to 29 weeks and I was lucky to get that far. The fear of miscarriage loomed the entire time I was pregnant.

My heart breaks for Michelle and her family. I cannot imagine going through that. I've got three months to go, and losing my child is something that I constantly fear. No snark for the Duggars from me today, only sympathy and best wishes going forward.

Having miscarried once myself, I agree that she is suffering great heartbreak right now. It's a terrible thing, and so hard to pull out of the depression that follows. My condolences to the others here who also lived through it.

I myself have never been pregnant, thank God, but my mother had several miscarriages and so have three of my friends. One of them had the baby die in utero two weeks before she was due. My poor friend had to go through the whole labor and delivery, knowing her baby was already dead. It was horrific. I feel awful for the Duggars, but the fact is women's bodies were not built to deliver that many children. I have no doubt that this was a signal from her body saying "enough is enough." I think it tried to tell her that with what happened with baby #19. I know the whole family is heartbroken, but they really need to have a come-to-Jesus meeting with their ob/gyn. Those bitches on Jezebel last night were all "this should teach her" and completely unsympathetic. I shouldn't even read the comments on that site. They just piss me off.I am so sorry for the losses experienced by those of you here. It's terrible to lose a baby you wanted so much.

Like Texshan my friend went through the same experience and it was horrible like all miscarriages are. I want to echo all those who send out their love and sympathy for those here and everywhere who had to experience that loss. I cannot imagine the tremendous paid you stillfeel every day but I am truly sorry.

To be quite honest, I read that she had had one other miscarriage. Considering something like 25-30% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage, her carrying rate is actually pretty good. I was paranoid about miscarrying early on, but my doctor assured me sometimes miscarriage is for the best as it usually means there is something wrong with the foetus and it's just not viable. Made me feel better.

RQ, it's true that up to a third of all pregnancies end in miscarriage, but a great number of them happen before the woman is even aware she's pregnant. I wouldn't be surprised if she has actually miscarried several other times and just doesn't know.Yes, early miscarriages (in the first trimester) often occur because the body senses that something is wrong with the fetus and rejects it. Since Michelle was five months along, I don't think anything was wrong with the baby; I just think her body is exhausted and overworked and couldn't go through it all again. Of course, I'm not her doctor so I don't know for a fact, but that's what I'd put my money on.

figgy, you can have a 'spontaneous abortion' and expel the products of conception, or you can have a 'missed abortion' where you don't. in that case, you can wait awhile for nature to take its course---to a point---or elect to have a D&C.

I guess I'm a horrible person, but I have ZERO sympathy for them. She has NINETEEN children. It is fucking time to stop. "God" sent you a message loud and clear with your last kid, and you refused to get it, so maybe this time you'll get a clue.

@ Bnl1016, I have PCOS too. Had a miscarriage at about 3 months when I was in my early 20's. I had just found out i was pregnant and contemplating my options when it happened...literally 2 days after i found out. Have to say, I was quite happy about it at the time. Now that it appears that I will not have the chance to get pregnant, I view it a little differently. I'm totally fine without having kids, they were never part of my life plan, but it kinda sucks to think that it isn't really an option.

Their ministry is the kids. They trust God has already planned when and how many children they are to have, and they believe they are not to get in the way of the plan. Birth control for them could be a way in which you deviate from God's will in your life.

Think about this. . . .What if you and your partner knew that each time you made love you could potentially be creating another soul? How much would that change your relationship? How much more precious would your bedroom be?

I was in nursing training many years ago and one of my first rotations was in Maternity. I witnessed a woman who had to give birth to a dead baby. I still have nightmares and wouldn't wish that experience on anyone.

I agree her body is worn out. My condolences, love, and many hugs to all of you who have experienced this or are carrying now.

It's a very sad situation. I might not agree with their choices, but again, that's not an experience I'd wish on anyone.

A miscarriage is when a woman's body expels the products of conception before the 20th week of pregnancy (a pregnancy is normally 40 weeks). After 20 20 weeks, it's considered a preterm birth, although lungs don't develop until the 23rd or 24th week, so there's some grey area between 20 and 23/24 weeks.

What the Duggars experienced was a fetal demise--when a baby dies inside the uterus, often for unknown reasons. I think that a fetal demise is one of the cruelest things in the world---the woman not only has to give birth to the baby that has died (and who was probably well-loved) but also often has to carry the baby for a few days before a hospital can schedule her to be induced. Can you imagine knowing your baby has died, but having to walk around pregnant for two or three days with your body still showing every sign of pregnancy? And then having to go into a hospital to be induced so that you can go into labor for 12 hours and then deliver the dead baby? Ugh. I feel feel feel feel for this family---no matter how much I disagree with their choice to have so many children, I would never ever wish this kind of sadness on anyone.

"Considering something like 25-30% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage,"

RQ - I think it's more like 80%. Lots of women don't even know they have been pregnant.

It's sad the medical profession tries to make everyone feel so bad about this when it's such a regular thing. I've had the same thing happen to me, as have others. See, it's a common occurrence. Look at all these posts.

We just have to get past it. If more women would talk about it I think the depression would be less and it would be more healthy for all of us. Lots of women and families try to hide this like it is a shameful thing when it is just nature. Good luck to everyone.

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