I read it in the tabloids

A Dutch “positivity guru” is seeking to change his age from 69 to 49, arguing that he feels far younger than his years. Emile Ratelband asked a court in Arnhem to shift his birth date from March 11, 1949, to March 11, 1969, saying that if people can change their gender, “why can’t I decide my own age?” Ratelband, who claims to have the body and mind of a “young god,” believes a later birth date will help him find love on dating apps. “If you’re 69 on Tinder, you’re outdated,” he said. “When I’m 49, with the face I have, I will be in a luxurious position.”

A Houston woman underwent $26,000 worth of cosmetic surgery in a bid to look like her idol, Ivanka Trump. Sarah Schmidt, 34, said she adores the “beautiful, poised, classy” president’s daughter, and so she received nine procedures at once—including a nose job, butt lift, and cheek augmentation—to transform herself into Ivanka. Critics pointed out that the post-op Schmidt (pictured) still doesn’t resemble the first daughter, but she said she was delighted with her new “Ivanka look.” Despite her makeover, Schmidt said, she remains politically liberal and is “not a Trump fan at all.”

A street-savvy dog in the Philippines followed his owner to work by taking a solo ride on public transport. Commuters said the pet, Vince, boarded a bus and calmly took a seat between two passengers. Cellphone footage showed him staring out the window at passing traffic, and then wagging his tail after spotting his owner on the back of a truck in the next lane. “Oh my! It’s Vince! Why did you follow us? You crazy dog!” she said as Vince hoped off the bus to meet her. The pair climbed aboard the truck and rode away together. ■