A bunch of overly mushy, idiotic, paper thin characters deliver bad lines while stuck on an island with cheapo CGI dinosaurs running after them. The Arrow wonders why this sequel didn't go straight to video where it clearly belongs.

THE LOWDOWN

This is a bad summer for movies. All the big blockbusters keep on letting me down! I think Hollywood is getting a tad lazy and Jurassic Park 3 is one of the better examples.

I'll start off by saying that I was really let down by the location this sequel took place in. In my opinion, the island surroundings were played out. after the two previous entries. I was expecting this sequel to take the hint established by Part 2 and take place in the big city. No dice. It's back on the island…again. Yippee, we get to see the same whole thing but on a smaller scale! Are you excited? I know I'm not.

What makes this utterly forgettable sequel even worse are its blah characters. Every characterization pet peeve I have is here: the philosophical lines (every time Sam Neil opens his damn mouth one of them pops out…shut up!), the corny romantic angle (Leoni's relationship with Macy is puke inducing and way too thin for me to care), the annoying kid (god I hated that kid, way too calm, way too confident…like "hello you're on an island with dinosaurs! BE SCARED BRAT!") and the disposable guy (Jeter) actually… who was that guy anyway? Who cares! CHARACTER NOTE: Why is everybody screaming on this island? They know dinosaurs are lurking about…SHUT THE FUCK UP!

The film backs up its awful players with predictable and lousy plot twists. The eggs in the bag? Saw that coming miles away. Wasn't that guy a specialist? Didn't he know he would be putting everybody in danger with his actions? What a mook! The kid survived 8 weeks in Dinoland! No fucking way! Then we have the cell phone misadventures. I don't know what company that phone came from but it's built to last. It goes through plane crashes, Dino chompings and Dino poo poo and still works in the long run! Yeah right. Add to that the use of the cell phone as the saving grace ("I'm in the lake"…come on!), some really bad acting (Laura Dern and Sam Neil's initial scene reeks of amateur acting!), some obvious blue screen (the parachute scenes were very weak) and some average CGI (I wasn't impressed) and you get a sequel that doesn't come close to living up the its 2 predecessors.

Any good things in this flick? I liked the initial action set piece with the plane. Pretty impressive. I also liked the hour in action set piece with the flying Dino-whatevers and the skydiving hero. That wuz pretty gnarly (more moments like that would've helped). William H Macy also has a few amusing moments that brought smiles to my frowning face. The film has some good ideas but unfortunately they're kind of wasted. I don't think they went far enough with the "cell phone Dino". That had potential to be scary but they ended it too soon. Another good idea was having some bad asses with big guns on the island but that thought was also cut short.

Jurassic Park 3 holds a bad hand. The script is a hackjob, the characters are too boring, the action is too deja vu, the violence is too minimal, the last sequence (Army) is ridiculous and the kid…oh god the kid…why couldn't the kid die??? Jurassic Park 3 was everything I hate in a sequel. Close the Park because this ride isn't fun anymore.

GORE

We get to see a skeleton and some Dinos who like to snap necks…nothing to go ape shite about.

ACTING

Sam Neill (Dr. Grant) is a good actor but here, his lines make him look real like a chump. Should've said yes to Part 2 and NO to this one. William H. Macy (Paul) does what he can and has the best one-liners. Tea Leoni (Amanda) is a cutie but her character was too sappy and irrational for me to care. Alessandro Nivola (Billy) has a few overacting moments but luckily he lets his biceps do most of the acting. Trevor Morgan (Eric) annoyed the crap out of me…take those smoke bombs and stick them up your black hole! Michael Jeter (Udesky) is only there to get chomped on. Laura Dern shows up to stink up the place and cash in a check.

Nothing special. The action scenes are well executed but who cares about action scenes when everything surrounding them blows! Personally, I don't.

SOUNDTRACK

We get the once kool Jurassic Park theme that has now become way nerve testing (barf) and a very generic action score.

BOTTOM LINE

Summer movies are not what they used to be. I remember when blockbusters had somekind of intelligence (the original Jurassic park is a great example) or an honest sense of fun. Here all we get is a lazy regurgitated version of the first 2 with an ounce of stupidity slapped in for good measure. If a few decent action sequences are good enough to satisfy you then be my guest and hit this baby with all you've got, but I on the other hand needed way more from this fossil. Rent the first film for smart Dino fare, rent the second one for dumb fun but avoid this baby like a chick with STD's.

BULL'S EYE

The film was shot in California, Hawaii and Universal Studios Florida.

Were they serious?

Looked like a Sci-fi original indeed, the F/X was far superior 8 years earlier. Poor Sam Neill looked bored, and the plot was paper thin. Hopefully JPIV will redeem the franchise, or better yet do the actual novel which will knock audiences on their ass with the shit they pull off in that book. Hamond is evil, can't wait for the day when it happens

Looked like a Sci-fi original indeed, the F/X was far superior 8 years earlier. Poor Sam Neill looked bored, and the plot was paper thin. Hopefully JPIV will redeem the franchise, or better yet do the actual novel which will knock audiences on their ass with the shit they pull off in that book. Hamond is evil, can't wait for the day when it happens

Fuck This Movie

Dino In Dream: "Allen" What the fuck?! I'd Honestly rather eat CG Dino shit then watch this movie again. I seriously laughed through this whole movie in a "this movie is terrible" kind of way.... I forgot it existed until "Jurrasic Park 4" Talk started up.

Dino In Dream: "Allen" What the fuck?! I'd Honestly rather eat CG Dino shit then watch this movie again. I seriously laughed through this whole movie in a "this movie is terrible" kind of way.... I forgot it existed until "Jurrasic Park 4" Talk started up.