"Last week I got Téléstar for 5.95€" she says. As my eyebrows float up towards my receding hairline, she adds that the issue contained a DVD with Beethoven. It's the latest scam – buy a TV–guide to get a movie, or the radio news says to check the Web site for the details, or the telephone operator 'gives' you a free photoalbum to enhance your long–distance experience. Or is it a free telephone?

Tomoko leaves, taking bacon for mouse.

Back to the mouse. Tomoko says she asked a friend how to catch it. This person, an animal expert, told her to try to trap it with cheese or bacon. While waiting for something to happen the EDF metre reader showed up and almost let the mouse escape by leaving the door open.

A neighbor said she would rather not lend her cat to the chase because the cat didn't like to eat mice. Undeterred, Tomoko says she still wants to borrow a cat, but not an ugly one.

Animal talk naturally leads us to a thorough discussion of the bird crises, with Tomoko accepting my description of Mallards without a retort. According to the news all of France's edible birds are locked up under cover, except for the birds that are inedible unless they are running around outside, eating worms and stuff.

Tonight, on the TV–news they said one supermarket was offering two chickens for the price of one. This is a much better deal than Henri IV ever offered but they didn't mention the name of the place.

By the time we get through all of the day's important subjects it is 17:10, and I am trying to figure out who I can touch for money so I can go to the bank tomorrow and ask them what they've done with my new Visa card.

Some members with their cool shoes.

By the time I get home I've remembered a pile of bread put aside for Josef, and I find the new card, still in its envelope under a pile of other bills. But it was too exhausting to go all the way down to the Monoprix, partly on account of the Orange Alert, but mostly because there's a little grocery shop much closer.

Checkered Shoes of the Week

Club members Priscilla, Bob and Dennis sent a photo of their snazzy checkered shoes basking in the sunrays in Venice, California, as a reminder that these Orange Alerts will soon be history, especially with spring just over the horizon and the bitter snows of Easter not far behind.

Ding–a–Ling, Bong Bong of the Week

Tonight as I left the Café Corona Patrick caught me up to alert me of the café's closure next week. The famous renovation, scheduled about four or five years ago, is to be completed next week, and the café will be closed all week. The next club meeting there will be on Thursday, 15. March. Those liable to miss out next week should write to me, to arrange a possible fallback.

The Café Metropole Club's About Page

Since this so–called meeting 'report' probably leaves you perplexed, treat yourself to an explanation by reading the 'About the Café Metropole Club' page, for its worthwhile insights and worthless bumpf.

Where, How, When, Who, What, Why?

Club meetings begin at 15:00 every Thursday except the coming one and continue until 17:00. These times, fixed in cement, are also said to be 3 pm to 5 pm. Around somewhere else is not where the next meetings might be. See 'Bong Bong' above for the reason for this rare change.

Pass a hour or two or a whole meeting with other club members pretty much like yourself. Real 'firsts' are welcome and true stories will get a sympathetic hearing. Other stories will depend on your skill. Attend as many club meetings as you can stand.

Caution – should you may have the personal mission of remaining unfindable via the Web, be sure to inform the club's secretary that you prefer to be '404 – not found' by Web search engines before becoming 'found' gamboling in one of these fantastic club reports.

The 'ex–rules' that the club once had are still former. Talking to other club members at meetings is kosher rather than optional. There are always some empty chairs, so sit. Lolling is okay too. Whatever you say will be truly appreciated by the other members present if there are any listening, and sometimes there are but not always – and if it should by pure hazard be written here.*

*The above paragraphs are relatively unchanged since years ago because of terminal inertia, required for capturing mice in traps without harming them, if only they liked bacon.