For a long time this was a matter of great debate in our office, as to who was worse – Client A, or Client X, who took his business elsewhere and is now probably wandering around lost somewhere. So that left Client A in a class by himself. Until now, when new challengers have stepped forth. And it’s now a contest between:

Client A: The idiot husband of a successful doctor in another city. They haven’t filed a return for themselves or any of their entities since 2007, because he can never get the records together. He hasn’t got a real job but has sort of tried a couple of ventures that didn’t pan out. Other than that, he sort of looks after his wife’s interests. His position in the contest is in jeopardy if only because his wife got after him, finally realizing that they could be losing tax refund opportunities, and is pushing us to get 2009 filed. It’s impossible to nag either one of them. And he keeps telling her he sent us everything we need. And he’s always got an excuse, including hurricanes, floods, and his son stealing his computer. All of which are true, as far as I know, except the part about him sending us all the info we needed.

Client B: Is a gay hair stylist whose salon never makes any serious money, but he’s got a couple million, ostensibly from a history of being a gigolo, with a series of allegedly platonic relationships with some really rich old ladies. This year he had net long-term capital gains of $250K, and thought he wouldn’t owe any taxes, because the total included a capital loss, and somehow he thought that losses could be subtracted directly from his tax liability, leaving the gains to be taxed at a flat 15%. He just about died when I told him he owed $40K. [Not to fear, he has the money.]

Client C: New to the scene – the daughter of longtime clients, whose mother and husband died in the same year. Our involvement with her is limited to her father, her mother’s estate, and the family’s personal holding company. She told the family’s attorney that she had paid some back taxes to the IRS, and we couldn’t figure out what that would be all about. And she couldn’t really explain it. After a painfully long round of phone calls between her, the attorney, and me, she finally faxed him a copy of a 1041 she filed for the mother’s estate, without talking to either him or me. Apparently she had a phone conversation with some lady at the IRS who scared her to death, and she did a 1041 without talking to the lawyer or to me.