02/09/2015

Kids and Consumerism!

There are a few tricks that I have used so far to teach Victoria about money, and about consumerism in general. I have always been very scared of watching my daughter look at the world that we live in and want... want... want... It is almost impossible for children not to be completely enthralled by publicity, and all the amazing things that are available to them nowadays.

Victoria will tell me herself, when we visit friends and she sees commercials on television (we only watch netflix at home and so avoid publicity in that form usually): "I love commercials mom! We should buy this!" Luckily, after a discussion we had about the horrors of commercials and publicity Victoria is now able to say "I love commercials mom! We should make one of those!" I don't mind commercials being a source of inspiration on what to create in our household, but I definitely do not want to encourage any purchasing needs. Here is how I help her control those urges.

(Another great thing to teach... recycling and going to the library... books on the right from the library, and Aurora character from one of our friend's birthday party... little things can seem huge when you learn to be thrifty)

TAKE THEM SHOPPING

The first trick I used, I started when she was a crawler. I would take her to very attractive stores on purpose, amazing toy stores, clothing stores, etc... and I would let her play with things for as long as she wanted. We would then put everything back and leave without ever purchasing anything. (Yes, I know... I sometimes cringed when saying bye to the shop keepers. I was thought as a child that it was impolite to go into a place without purchasing something!!!! and I still grapple with that sentiment once in a while, but it's worth it).

At that age, we take them to so many places (play spaces, friend's houses, museums, etc) where they are expected to play then leave, that this wasn't a difficult reach. By the time she was two I could take her to any store and have her put back whatever she was interested in and leave the store without wanting to purchase it. I remember very vividly an instance where I was walking around the store with a friend and Victoria. Victoria has grabbed a "My little pony" toy and was walking around the store with it. We were about to leave and my friend asked Victoria if he could see the pony, which she readily gave to him. While she was distracted by something else he quickly hid the pony behind a pile of shirts. I quickly grabbed the pony back and gave it to Victoria. As we walked towards the exit I told her to go put the pony back where it belonged, which she merrily did before skipping through the exit, excited about what we were going to do next. His reaction was priceless, but important: he had literally never seen a small child able to do this. This tells us a lot about how our consumerist society works, and why it is so important to teach children not to buy in this society of ours.

While doing this exercise we of course had times where we would purchase a toy or some clothing, but we would discuss it before entering the store. I would tell Victoria that this time we were going in to buy something, what that something was, and why we were buying it. I almost never let her leave a store with an impulse buy. I don't say "never ever", because it is also important to have a healthy approach on buying things. If we saw something that we really liked and that was in a price range that made sense to us, then I would either tell her we'd come back for it the next day, or call it a splurge and buy it that day. But something like that happens maybe once or twice a year.

Do not think... "Oh it's too late now, I didn't start early enough now they want things all the time and I can't teach them this skill". Instead, start going inside a store at least once a week (though I recommend once a day at the beginning)... walk around, talk about what you see, let the kids play... and then leave. It's as simple as that. Make sure that you have cued in the kids on what you are doing beforehand. Honest, open talk will make things a lot easier. And be completely transparent on why you are walking into a store to buy NOTHING. Tell them that you need to teach them about controlling their instinct to buy, because our culture is set on teaching them to buy.

Yes, if you are starting later, there will be tears... there will be tantrums. Take deep breaths and be prepared. In this exercise, when it is time to leave and whatever they were playing with is put away, it is ok to carry them out of the store kicking and screaming. It might be a bit embarrassing for you, but a bit of embarrassment is worth teaching your kids how to handle their desires and purchasing needs. Talk about what happened when you get home and the kids are able to discuss after calming down. Talk to them about their disappointment and show them empathy. Then discuss why it is important not to always buy and show them all the things that they already have. I think you will be surprised how quickly they adjust to being smart consumers.

DO YOU NEED IT?

One simple question that we always ask. Do you need it? If Victoria wants a new toy she needs to explain to me why she needs it and how it will enhance her life. If she manages to convince me after I play the Devil's advocate (she usually gives up after a few questions, admits that she just wants it and moves on), we then look through her current toys and see if there are any that she doesn't use and that we can give to someone who might need it. We work a lot in exchange in our household... if something is coming in the house, something has to go out. We don't have a huge space and through friends and family Victoria always gets a lot of things already, so we have to really be thoughtful about what we bring inside the house.

I have a box in the hallway always at the ready to receive things that we are going to donate. There isn't a week that goes by where I don't put something in it. Either clothes that Victoria's outgrown, toys that she doesn't use, things that I find in a closet that we haven't touched in too long, etc...

PAYING FOR THINGS

Everywhere we go I let Victoria pay for things. If she is buying something for herself she has to go up to the counter and pay, then give me the change. She also often orders and pays when we are purchasing meals or such things. I am not perfect with this one as often I feel rushed and just pay for things myself. So she definitely only pays for things about a third of the times that she truly should. But even that little bit helps a huge amount with teaching her how much things cost, to make sure that she gets change back and to be able to feel confident in doing a transaction with another individual. She now very seriously will look at the price of something and ask me if it's too expensive or if we can buy it. In those instances we discuss the price of the item, what the item is and whether it's a fair price for the item and whether we ... NEED it of course.

DISCUSS ADVERTISING

We spend a lot of time discussing advertising. Why it works, and how advertising companies make you want things. Don't shy away from using big words, but kids will also understand the very simple concept of "these people have something they want to sell, so they make cool ads to make you want to buy it". Just having that knowledge will allow them to make better decisions about which ads they will let influence them.

HELP THEM EARN MONEY

I know... it might not seem like it makes a lot of sense... teaching kids not to spend, but teaching them how to earn money. Quite the opposite. Kids should know how work is paid (fair wage), and then be taught what to do with their money.

As a teenager I started working really young, but without any lessons on what to do with my money. Because of that I quickly learned how to live from paycheck to paycheck and I'm still struggling with bad habits of my own to this day. I was a very responsible teenager. I started paying half of my mom's rent by the time I was 16, and helping her with the bills as needed. But while I was paying rent and bills, I still did not know about saving, how to manage my money so that I wouldn't always be broke by Friday, etc...

Teaching your children about how to spend their money is vital, and at their age you can teach them also how to save a larger portion of their earnings. Victoria currently has two piggy banks, one for spending and one for savings. I do want to add one for giving at some point, but we make a point to donate clothes and toys on a regular basis, so for now I feel that she is still learning about giving to others in that way.

Some of the easiest ways of making money is having kids sell some of their things (old toys, clothes, etc). Lemonade stands. Selling their crafts either within the community or on Etsy. Doing chores for neighbors... there are a lot of possibilities and if you work with your child's temperament you will be able to find them something to do in order for them to have access to their own money.

(Yes, she is quite taken with her piggy banks! Both of them were gifts from family and friends)

This subject is pretty much endless... there are so many other things that you can do to teach children about consumerism and money. But these are the ones we have been doing consistently with Victoria since she was born and they have worked really well for us. She is very aware of her place in the buying world as well as how to escape it as needed.

Comments

Excellent and thoughtful post. These are issues that I try to address with my daughter as well. we don't do any TV so little exposure to commercials however ads will catch her eye when we're in stores. I make it a point to talk to her about what it is that caught her eye...for example a picture of a horse? then talk about the product it's actually advertising (in this case Cologne) and then laughing about how the advertisers "trick" us. I feel that's an important step in understanding marketing and "why" she may feel she wants something.

I am Marie Lafranque. Originally from France I am an artist and mother now living in California who is discovering her affinity with fabrics and thread. I live with my little girl, Victoria, and one old lady dog. Please feel free to follow and comment on our adventures!