Chris Pratt Is A Star Now

For a long time, I've told people to watch Parks and Recreation. I did so for many reasons, but one of them was to watch lovable goofball Andy Dwyer and his impeccable comedic timing. “He's played by this guy, Chris Pratt,” I would say. “This guy's amazing”, I would say. But I enjoyed knowing something that a lot of my fiends did not know — that this guy was destined for big things. Then Guardians of the Galaxy became the biggest thing in Hollywood since they stopped calling them moving pictures. Everything changed for Chris. But more importantly, everything changed for me. Hollywood was about to ruin him for me.

When Chris Pratt was cast in Marvel’s newest triumph, it was headline news. The buzz around his tremendous weight loss and aggressive moves to get a leading man role — in anything, to be honest — was making the rounds right around the time he popped up in two other notable Hollywood successes, Moneyball and Zero Dark Thirty. In the former, he played a baseball player given a second chance at glory, and in the latter he played a member of the now-legendary SEAL Team 6. Not bad for a frumpy comedian who was best known for being the dimwitted comic relief in an NBC sitcom. But I was concerned. People had begun to notice. I could hear that sound of the Hollywood wheel beginning its squeaky first turn as the star-making machine began to turn. “Nooo!” I cried. “He’s not ready!!!” I pleaded. But it was too late.

Hollywood and the internet have systematically justified my fears in the past two weeks. What fears? Let me explain. The moment anyone with the a splash of charisma — with the right blend of looks, humor and capacity for charming men and women alike — appears to start gaining momentum, we'll be subjected to a full-scale assault by a very calculating team of agencies and publicists. I totally understand this. It’s a business and people see talent and they need to make the most of it. But it is starting to backfire for me. When Guardians opened, I was all about Pratt. Two weeks later and I can say this: If I see another goofy story about him rapping the Jurassic Park theme song or French-braiding Eminem in my newsfeed I am going to boycott him. I’m Prattxausted.