(Closed) BPD/bipolar bride – worried about how I will be on the wedding day

I really don’t know how to write this but I really need advice. I was considering going anonymous, but, you know what? Why should I? There is already so much stigma and I shouldn’t be ashamed.

In January I was diagnosed with BPD (borderline personality disorder) when I was admitted to the hospital. Since then I completed a day program and have meds that have regulated my daily mood swings which are a part of the disorder (going from being extraordinarily depressed to being ecstatically happy within a matter of an hour). I thought things were under control but I have also had problems where my average mood fluctuates in much of the same way over a four month period or so and then it will switch. Yesterday I went for an assessment to get into a DBT program (it was a long one) and the psych diagnosed me with bipolar. I feel like such a mess inside right now. I really don’t know what to think and I’m already on a downward turn, which I am trying so hard to fight. Our wedding is in October and I am really concerned about my anxiety levels and my mood on what is supposed to be a very joyous occasion. I am just so scared and upset right now. I am still fully on and take my medications, see a psych, see a therapist, work full time. I told Fiance about the assessment and that didn’t go over that well. It was very hard because someone in his family is bipolar only his swings to extreme anger and refuses to take meds (I don’t get the anger every so often during the day, but not like that). I know he needs to have some time to get used to the news … It’s just really hard. I am just so worried about freaking out on the wedding day.

If your Fiance is too overwhelmed, or you’re really concerned about how things will go you may want to consider postponing the wedding (at least for a little while). I would also remind your Fiance that you’re still the same person. Your diagnosis hasn’t changed you, it’s just that now you have a better idea of how to get and stay healthy. A diagnosis is a good thing, especially when you’re actively persuing treatment, which it sounds like you are!

Other than that, my suggestion would be to do some serious mood monitoring. I don’t know how helpful this will be for your conditions, but I find that it does wonders for understanding and managing my anxiety and depression. During the day (I started at three times a day, but have moved down to once a day) take stock of how you feel (sad, tired, stressed out, happy, elated, etc). This will help you find patterns in your swings (for example, I know that I get worse at certain times of day and during certain months). If you discover that there’s a time when you commonly have episodes you can be prepared to manage them. Figure out what triggers your episodes and what is most difficult for you. It may be possible to aviod or minimize these things during your wedding day. If you catch yourself going into a swing take a moment to try and think about what is causing you to feel that way. I would also talk to your therapist (if you haven’t already) about developing some coping skills that you can begin to practice so you will be prepared with a plan if things begin to go awry.

I would also suggest setting some time aside during your wedding day (even if it’s just 10 minutes) to be alone somewhere quiet and unstressful so that you can have some time to evaluate your mood and just be calm. It may also help you to have a “spotter” or someone who can watch out for you during the wedding and remove you from a situation if they (or you) sense that things are about to go poorly.

OP–I’m bi polar but not BPD, and I want to assure you that ith the proper meds you will be FINE. I haven’t had an episode in 10 years. It is imperative that you find a reputable doctor who specializes in your condition {please note I didn’t say PROBLEM}. She/he will be able to properly prescribe the correct medicine.

Now, can I give you a few hints I have found over the years to help my stability? NO RECREATIONAL DRUGS, minimal alcohol and getting a good nights sleep EVERY night. ANd I need to have my surroundings orderly and uncluttered, I find cluttered surroundings aren’t good for my mental health.

Good luck. I’m sure this condition will not hinder you once you get it undercontrol.

I dont necessarily have the best advise for you. But coming from a family that has a sister with BPD and Biopolar as well as a mother with severe depression, I really must say I admire how aware you are of the situation and the help you are seeking. That to me shows me your strength. It may not feel like you are strong, but everything I just read shows me you are stronger than you think you are. Look at one thing at a time, dont overwhelm yourself with too many what ifs, trust what you feel you are comfortable with. If you arent ready, there is no shame in that. Good luck!

SilverWire:arosebyanyothername: Thank you both so much for your words of encouragement. I think it’s just super fresh for both of us so it’s just something to wrap our heads around. I have exercises that I do to try to keep my thoughts and moods in check so I can recognize when my thoughts are distorted. I’m starting to recognize my BPD triggers and those are some really good ideas – I will have to make sure that I have some quiet alone time because otherwise I know that I will probably get overwhelmed. I think having a spotter would be a really good idea – I’ll ask my Maid/Matron of Honor who is really great with that kind of thing.

That is amazing that you haven’t had an episode in ten years! The doctor I started seeing recently (was seeing another before) specializes in BPD and bipolar – she and another psych at the hospital head research into the area and developed a lot of the programs that are available now so I feel confident – and she is really nice. The meds I’m on now have helped with the BPD but I don’t know about the other (one of them is Seroquel which helps me sleep and takes the edge off of my mood swings so they aren’t extreme throughout the day). I’ll have to see what she says. I also rarely drink and I don’t do street drugs, so that isn’t a problem for me.

I feel a lot better after reading both your responses. I’ll come up with a plan to help handle the stress and whatnot. I have another appointment coming up soon so I’ll talk to her about what’s been up. Thank you both so much again.

laceydoilies: I alo take Seroquel at night to help with sleeping. You may find you gain a little weight with this drug, at least that’s MY excuse! :){no really, my dr told me it could account for 5 lbs. or so.

The first is not wedding related. I highly reccomend getting your thyroid function checked regularly. I was on a nice cocktail of moodstabilizers because I was suffering extreme anxiety when I was dealing with my mother’s terninal cancer and her passing. I stopped needing the medication after some time but was then diagnosed as being hypothyroid. Since it doesn’t run in my family my endocrinologist suggested that my thyroid was damaged from side effects of the mood stabilizers. Apparently lithium is known to decrease thyroid function. Ironically, the symptoms of hypothyroidism can mimic mood disorders too.

Anddddd for the wedding. As previously stayed I found that my symptoms were always induced by stress. Try your best to be proactive about reducing stress. Stay organized, plan and work things out well in advanced I recommend designating someone you trust to manage the whole day for you, so they can make decisions when things go wrong and never have to present you with any problems. The less issues you know about the less you have to stress or get angry over. Also take care of yourself, sleep well, eat right, drink lots of water, avoid drugs alcohol caffeine etc.

I have BPD and was in therapy for a couple years by the time I got married. Significant others can often struggle to understand diagnoses because they have this picture in their mind of how you should be. My ex told me after we broke up that if he’d known I had BPD he wouldn’t have dated me…keep in mind I broke up with him because we didn’t want the same things and we had a lot of happy times in our relationship, but suddenly he wouldn’t have gone through it because I had this diagnosis.

I would definitely go to couples counseling with him or have him just talk to a therapist and learn about what it all means from a reputable source. He needs to wrap his head around how the diagnosis does and doesn’t change things and where your relationship goes from here. He need to hear it’s okay.

As as for the wedding, staying busy keeps my mind occupied enough that I don’t have as many mood swings. I zoned out quite a bit, but got through fine. I think the biggest thing is not getting stressed if things don’t go as planned. Have someone in charge of making sure things go smoothly and if they don’t, just take a minute to yourself so you don’t feed the stress. Make lists so you have everything written out and not flying around your head stressing you out. Honestly, I didn’t even invite people to the ceremony because I didn’t want that pressure. We just had a small dinner with family and close friends. We’ve gone through a separarion and may renew our vows and I honestly don’t think I will do that in front of everyone either. I would dissociate like no other. And honestly, if you do, that’s okay. I love looking at wedding pictures of us and focusing on how normal I look when I know I was out of it, just overwhelmed.