What Parents Can Learn About Their Own Kids From Netflix's “To the Bone”

Could my child have anorexia

The movie begins with a warning to viewers. A girl blames the constant food ads and visuals that show “girls are happier when they lose weight” for instigating or encouraging anorexia and disordered eating. “It’s like the world is trying to make us crazy,” she says. She may be right. For vulnerable children and teens, these may indeed nudge behaviors. At the core of anorexia is body distortion — you see fat despite being dangerously thin. The distortion persists even as health deteriorates.

The patient isn’t the only one affected by this disease

Family members are challenged by this disease. “A Mega-Gulp of diet soda is not breakfast,” says stepmom to Ellen in the film. The movie shares realistic interactions between Ellen and her parents (she has two sets). Her sister, who is incredibly loving, empathic, and forgiving, finally tells her, “I don’t have a sister.” Teens do sit-ups at every opportunity, use hidden barf bags, and show true panic at meals. The therapist at their facility makes it clear that he will only treat if the patient is interested.

iStock

Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and never-ending selfies

Teens get constant reminders that physically, they don’t measure up to the beauty standard. Social media takes it to a 24/7 obsession for some. To an anorexic, the dining room table is a torture chamber. Starving gives them the euphoria that they crave. There is also a whole community online sharing tips for extreme weight loss, such as the easiest foods to purge, as mentioned in the movie. There’s a “calorie Asperger’s” is a joke that’s shared in the movie, but it’s also painfully true.

iStock

What parents can do

You cannot scare a person with anorexia straight. You should seek help quickly and intervene before the disease entrenches for the best chance of a sustained recovery. The family needs to learn to give unconditional love and support. It may take time and trying different approaches to find effective therapy. Long term, in-patient treatment away from the family with a team of experts is often necessary. The family may need to change behaviors as well. Willingness from the patient to heal is crucial.

iStock

The person ultimately chooses to heal and to live

The movie shows a very poignant scene with Ellen’s biological mom rocking and feeding her with a bottle. In a sense, Ellen’s mom is trying to grasp at mistakes she may have made, and her attempts to right those possible wrongs will likely strike a chord with all moms. This disease ultimately requires the person with anorexia to “be willing to feel and to want to be alive.” The patient may need to hit rock bottom. The recovery rate is 40 to 50 percent for three-plus years of abstinence from behaviors.

iStock

There is always hope

In one of the last scenes, Ellen is semiconscious, outside in the heat, and she has an out-of-body experience, seeing her emaciated body as she floats above. She wakes up, taking her pulse to see if she’s still alive. We’ve wondered throughout the movie, will she make it? Thanks to an unconventional therapist played by Keanu Reeves, she does. Despite no guarantees, she appears to be on the road to recovery, supported by her family. Despite the difficult storyline, the movie’s message is one of hope.

Amy Hendel, P.A.

Known as "The HealthGal", Amy Hendel P.A. is a medical and lifestyle reporter, nutrition and fitness expert, health coach and brand ambassador. Trained as a physician assistant, she maintains a health coach private practice in New York and Los Angeles. Author of The Four Habits of Healthy Families, find her on Twitter @Healthgal1103 and on Facebook @TheHealthGal. Check “Daily Health News” at healthgal.com. Her personal mantra? “Fix it first with food, fitness, and lifestyle.”