John Gray: Weighs in on bullying of fellow TV anchor

I'll tell you a secret. I almost got myself in some serious trouble at my TV job a few years back because of something I wrote. It wasn't this column, just a short two-sentence email I sent to a television viewer.

Some guy sent three emails to everyone at Fox23 in the span of 24 hours, telling me how much he hated watching me on the news. From my look, to my face, to the way I spoke, everything about me bothered him.

I let the first two emails go without response, but after the third one arrived, I asked myself that age-old question. What would Ed Dague do?

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I grew up in this business watching and learning from the smartest news guy I've ever met, Mr. Dague, so when I find myself in a journalistic quandary, I ask myself how Ed would handle it.

I wrote the email man a very polite response, saying simply, "Sir I've been doing this for 20 years, my style is my style and it's a little late in the game for me to change everything about myself. If watching me bothers you this much, you probably should watch someone else."

I thought it was a fair and measured response. My boss at the time did not. The woman who ran the television station yelled at me in front of my co-workers saying I broke the cardinal rule -- you never, ever, under any circumstances, tell a viewer to watch someone else. I showed her the venom-filled emails that I was peppered with but she didn't care, telling me I was to immediately go into the administrative function of my Microsoft Outlook and retrieve the email. Maybe it was the Irish in me or the fact that I thought I was right, but I refused. She then had the office IT go against my wishes while the newsroom watched, so I went home before I said something I'd regret.

The next day she asked me if I'd ever send an email like that again and I told her, "Six days a week and twice on Sunday." Within a few months, she moved on to another job and I'd like to think she pops a Tums antacid every time I cross her mind.

I thought of this little incident when I saw the video of the television anchor in Wisconsin who responded to a viewer who called her fat. Worse, he told her she was a poor example to viewers. I'm sure you saw her brave response. I use the word "brave" because it takes guts to stand up to a bully and that's exactly what this person was, a bully. Like a lot of cowards, he cloaked his email in the fog of "I'm doing you a favor by telling you what no one else will tell you."

But that's just a passive aggressive and sneaky way of hurting someone without having to take responsibility for your words.

As you'd expect, lots of people came to the TV anchor's defense and applauded the way she handled it. She turned the attack on her into a "teachable moment" and got the nation talking about bullying. What saddens me personally is the number of people who did not have her back. Some of those people I know and previously respected. I had no idea they thought it was OK to call people names.

The one thing I heard over and over again was, "Hey, if you want to be on TV, you have to expect this." Expect what? People to be rude and ignorant? That's all this is.

Just because someone is in the public eye does not give anyone the right to take cheap shots. If you don't like the appearance of the weather girl, change the channel.

Trust me when I tell you, some of the prettiest people in this world are the ugliest on the inside and, yes, some of them work in television.

When I see a television reporter who isn't model beautiful or flaunting washboard abs, I immediately think they must be incredibly good at their job. Somehow they got past the gauntlet of consultants and focus groups and randy bosses to make a place for themselves in a world that is far too often intoxicated with beauty. This anchor in Wisconsin is a wonderful journalist, wife and mother, but because she doesn't fit in a size 2 dress, this man viewed her as a poor role model. How pathetic.

We all see people at the mall or at the beach dressed in a way we may find silly or, by our standards, inappropriate. Would you go up to them in person and say, "I just wanted to tell you how fat you look in those pants?" No, we wouldn't because we know two things would happen -- first, we'd run the risk that they'd punch us in the face. Second, and more important I think, we'd most certainly see the hurt in their eyes as we leveled this cruel observation. It's easy to hurt people over the Internet because you don't have to see their face when they read your poison.

I guess we shouldn't be surprised by any of this. After all, we have people flocking to a website called "The People of Wal-Mart" so they can laugh at photos taken of innocent people, behind their backs, designed only to humiliate. I'm sure the same people who think it's alright to call the TV anchor in Wisconsin fat think the people at Wal-Mart are also fair game and "asking for it." Anyone who revels in these kinds of vicious websites or hurls insults from the shadows of a computer screen should take a hard look in the mirror.

None of us is perfect and, in the end, all the cardio and facelifts and tummy tucks won't keep us all from the same destination. Besides, life is short and someone up above just might be keeping score on the crap that comes out of our mouths. So be nice.

John Gray is a news anchor on WXAA-Fox TV 23. His column is published Wednesdays in The Saratogian. Email JohnGray@fox23news.|com