A guy’s guide to traveling women

I’ve been backpacking around the world since 1994, and having all this free time with my aforementioned leave of absence, has made me realize that there’s this wealth of traveling information I have unconsciously accumulated over the years. I’ll try distilling a few fragments over the next few months, but I’d like to comment on what seems like intuitive knowledge for me but is somewhat lost on most guys from the looks of it.

If you’re easily offended, I have far too much time on my hands to be politically correct. Today’s activities involve watching The Hangover II and writing shit on the blog. If you fall into this category, now is the time to hit the back button.

I was talking to Mebs today and she was curious on what type of women travel alone, and how they keep safe when doing so. She’s clearly interested because she’d like to get a few weeks of travel under her belt before we hopefully meet next year. Though clearly I am not an expert on women traveling, or women in general, I may have a relatively good viewpoint from a guy’s perspective.

There are mainly 5 types of women traveling abroad: two that travel alone, and three that travel in groups.

Type A traveling alone.

Flirt traveling alone.

Can’t-travel-unless-three-of-my-girlfriends come with me.

Travels with boyfriend.

Travels with male BFF.

Type A traveling alone

The type A is your typical hardy, takes shit from no one, will hit you if you say something inappropriate, and can navigate maps and foreign phrases with ease. She will do fine, where ever. I bet her loved ones don’t even bat an eyelid when they hear she’s bought a one way ticket to Ho Chi Minh. If anything, the Italians better watch out, because they’re going to get slapped around.

These are awesome intelligent women with a breath of knowledge and an assortment of good stories.

You can put away the Google Maps, because she won’t trust it anyhow. Just follow her. It’s OK.

Flirt traveling alone

The flirt traveling alone is fascinating in her own right. She’s far more intelligent than she gives off. She’s a social butterfly that can talk to anyone (in any language), and to the uninitiated may give the impression of romantic interest. She’ll befriend you quickly to purely have someone to hang around with. If you’re a guy and not used to the type, you’ll mistake her friendliness for interest, when in reality she just wants company so she’s not alone in the big city.

This type is great to have around if you want to meet OTHER people. They’re usually pretty, are great wing-women, and offer good company (like a guy friend but with boobs). As long as you’re clear that she is very much NOT interested in you, you’re good. They make great friends. Just don’t get jealous when she ends up in someone else’s bedroom for the night. Imagine her with a penis, and you’ll do fine.

Can’t-travel-unless-three-of-my-girlfriends come with me

No need to explain. We’ve all seen them. Don’t buy drinks for any of them. They rarely have anything of interest to say and all they do is complain about the WiFi and the room service chocolates.

Travels with boyfriend

I hope Mebs turns into that. Nothing wrong with it :).

Travels with male BFF

This poor chump never saw it coming. He’s usually more traveled than her, and the allure of traveling the world clearly excites this girl who has absolutely no interest in her best buddy. He, on the other hand, is head over heals, or at the very least hopes that 3 weeks in the Greek islands with his secret crush will tilt the balance in his favor.

This girl only wants someone to show her around. The guy thinks he’s going to get laid, when all she wants is a tourist guide. She will probably end up sleeping with some random douche bag on the trip, while Mr. Nice Guy, who has had to put up with 3 weeks of temper tantrums and tampon runs without getting anything but pretty selfies, waits outside their bedroom door which puzzlingly now has a necktie over the door handle.

p.s. Mebs says “you do know that’s pretty much all girls, right?”. Oh well, and here I thought I was onto something.