Month: September 2015

Last night was a little rough for Charlie. They have decided to postpone the stomach study until tomorrow or Friday. Trusting that God knows what is best for Charlie.

From a friend:

The Lord would say to you and Charlie
“I have promised you that I would provide your every need. I have kept My promise and will keep it still. I am the God who fed a million people in their wilderness journey, yet they complained and doubted Me over and over. You will see My hands opened to you, full of everything that you need.

The wilderness test has come. As I tested Phillip with the hungry multitude, I have tested your heart to see if you would look only to Me as your great supply and your great reward. I will bring My glory over all your disappointment and break your limitations as you look to Me. Never doubt in the dark what I have revealed to you in the light, for My promises endure and I have never failed to show you My love. Nourish your heart in My promises and laugh at your impossibilities, and the miracle will be birthed in your heart.

Stones will praise Me. Will you praise Me even before you see the miracle manifest? Watch Me work where you have given up hope. Watch what I will do when you fill your heart with praises. From the dark chaos I will bring forth beauty, abundant life, and radiant light. Even this day you will see the beginning of all I have planned for you when you look to Me and to Me alone.”

Charlie is doing beautifully! Rash is gone, only tiny pain med dose left, lowering more in an hour! His bowels are working a lot, great news! Wounds look beautiful with nice pink tissue. Kidneys and lungs and skin functioning great. God has shown Himself mighty in Charlie! I will never be the same.

Prayer Requests:
-Stomach study 9/30 tomorrow morning at 8:45am – praying for good and accurate findings, no stenosis or atresia would be a miracle!
-plan for surgery or no surgery will follow study- praying if surgery is needed, schedule asap!
-big prayer for the future, that he would be a good and productive eater!!! Pray NO G tube necessary for feeding. Pray he will nurse and nurse effectively, strong, and no intervention needed for feeding! This will be our next big hurdle with or without surgery. PRAY!
-pray he would be able to eat soon, very soon!
-pray that we would be a light here, Charlie and I pray a lot. We pray for all the babies here and docs and nurses. God keeps moving us and putting us next to very critical babies, what a joy to pray for them. Lives are saved every day here- glory be to God! Some in very difficult situations.

Today I learned the answer to a famous question… What does it take to get a quilt from Jeanne, the master, award winning quilter? She informed me yesterday, it takes something BIG, like a Charlie! Wow, Charlie, what an honor.

Jeanne popped in to meet Charlie and to give him what was truly a gift from the heart. She held out the quilt and described everything about it and how it represented God’s goodness in this journey with Charlie. Thank you Jeanne for using your God given talents to glorify Him and bless others.

From Jeanne:

I had so much fun visiting with you and meeting Charlie. My prayers for all the Fines continue.

So, here is the encouragement I’d offered you with the lap quilt made for you and Charlie:

The quilt is titled “The Race is On”.

In the quilting world, a “jelly roll” is a collection of 40 x 2.5″ strips of fabric, color coordinated. A “Jelly Roll Race” is where you sew all 40 strips together in a specific fashion (end to end, then fold and sew, fold and sew, till you have a lap quilt). This quilt is an example of how the quilt looks from a Jelly Roll Race.

As the hymn goes, we cannot expect to sail to heaven on flowery beds of ease while others sail through bloody seas. We praise God for the trials He gives knowing that He provides even greater measure of blessing along with and through those trials. Sometimes God provides feathers to soften the load. So I quilted this lap quilt with my version of wonky feathers – we laughed at how I don’t really do traditional featherwork.

I don’t recall if I mentioned that the most beautiful quilts have a strong contrast of colors. It is the dark fabric that makes the colors appear brighter and even more beautiful. A little corollary to life there.

The backing I used is a soft fleece, but a very dark, navy blue. The quilt design is even more pronounced on the back – so I would remind you that in the darkest times, God is still creating a beautiful design in our lives. And some of the feathers have a more pronounced “spine”. This is because I had to go over the spine several times to finish that particular feather design. So it also seems in life that God has us repeat the same lesson several times before we finally “get it” and can move on. But it’s still part of God’s plan, part of the beauty of what God is making.

The occasional dog hair is a result of the quilt being made in my house. Please ignore it.

****
Thelma Mueller once asked me how one goes about getting a quilt from Jeanne Harvey. I told her they are given only on the most special occasions. Charlie is such an occasion – and he was born on my birthday! What a gift! You all are in my prayers with my every remembrance of you.

7 Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
9 If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,”
12 even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.

My baby is back in my arms! If you are a mother you can imagine the joy. I have prayed fervently that Charlie would feel God’s loving arms holding him, while I couldn’t. Just hours after a good friend prayed at church for me to get to hold Charlie, it happened! Oh it felt SO good to have him close, feel his breathe, hold his tiny body, snuggle him, sing, pray, and talk with him. We rocked for 4 hours!

When I placed Charlie in the arms of the nurse that first day at the hospital I didn’t know it would it be 19 days before I would get to hold my baby boy again. I didn’t know that the doctors would repeatedly warn us to “prepare for the worst.” I didn’t know Charlie’s heart would stop beating, and miraculously begin again. I didn’t know I had buckets of tears to shed and hours of prayers to pray. I didn’t know the faith that God was about to cultivate in my family and I. I didn’t know that I was about to receive a PHD in allopathic medicine, anatomy, and hospital life. I didn’t know the love I was about to feel from our church, our family, and friends. I didn’t know a lot of things. The one thing I did know, and I am convinced that the only thing I desperately needed to know that day was that GOD KNEW everything that was ahead of us and He promises He will never leave us, or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). These deep waters would have enveloped me if I didn’t know and believe this.

It was a gift from the Lord that when they put Charlie in my arms, my good friend and faithful Fine baby lover and holder had just dropped by! Over the years she has blessed me by treasuring my babies and snuggling with them. I think she has spent hours with my babies in her arms. She cried, rejoiced, and celebrated this big moment with me. After all, Aureli Knew the cry of my heart, and even felt it herself.

When I returned to the hospital from my short hiatus home I was discouraged to see that what had been a small mild rash had spread and worsened. I was troubled by the rash and the ongoing intense antibiotics being given. My sweet husband recognized my grief and wisely urged me to trust God with this and put my fretting energy towards prayer on this matter. He was SO right, but I still felt like my back was up against a wall (truth interjection: God does not have walls!) because they had maintained adamantly that he needed 21 days on antibiotics. So, I prayed (with too little faith, and still grieving the situation) that God would change the course. A friend had sent this to me last night and I was asking God to make these truths a reality in the depths of me…

“Hold on to Me” the Lord says. “In your days of trouble and your days of glory, in your days of testing and your days of triumph – hold on to Me!.
Your help comes from Me and from nowhere else. Many look to others to be there for them, but I say to you, I will always be there for you. Trust in Me. Let your challenges bring you to a greater faith, for My outstretched arm of power will bring you courage and supernatural strength.
Those who trust in Me see miracles. In these days of intense struggle, when it looks like darkness is winning and your light is growing dim, hold on to Me and you will see wonders!
I have taught you many things. You have learned that walking with Me is more valuable and pleasing than your comforts. You have sacrificed your plans for Mine, and you have given Me the reins of your heart. I am satisfied with your tender surrender. This pleases Me. You have trusted My ways even when they were nothing but a mystery to you. Many times you bowed your heart in worship. These are the times you grew in grace and took giant leaps of faith. Keep moving into My heart even as things shift all around you. You will begin to see another side of life that you have never seen before, but this is where My glory hides. Hold on to Me, and you will have all that you have ever desired, for I am pleased to be your Father and your God and what awaits you on your journey will radiate with My majesty for I give only good gifts to my beloved children – of which you are one.”

This morning I sent a prayer request in regards to the rash and antibiotics. THEN, in God’s great mercy, mighty strength, and providential kindness he caused EVERYONE (a huge team with lots of varying ideas) to agree that the antibiotics should cease because it might be causing the rash and he had gotten enough to accomplish the task! I was awe-struck at the mountain God so easily pushed aside, to show me, his daughter, that He loves me, hears me, and cares about Charlie and I more than I know. After all, this is about HIM, and I shout glory be to HIM! Not only did he drop the antibiotics but he dropped other things that went along with the antibiotics, as well as stitches, a head port, and several other things! This could also move up the next steps to happen sooner. A good day for Charlie and his mother’s faith.

Today’s “doctor rounds” were very short in regards to Charlie (that is always good). It was all good reports with steady improvements. We are lowering his sedation meds more today, have already had more awake time with him. The last 2 days I have seen much more of Charlie’s beautiful eyes and sweet personality. He wakes up and looks at me, follows my voice, enjoys his instrumental hymns that he has known from the womb, contentedly wriggles and SMILES!!!! The first one I thought was a fluke but after 3 more I am convinced he is really smiling at me!! Oh, I love my boy. I love all 6 of my boy’s- what treasures they are.

Tonight daddy is going to stay with his boy. He will stay the night so that I can visit home for the first time since we arrived here 17 days ago. Oh it will be good to be home and love on my children face to face. I miss them all SO much. I do marvel at how the Lord has prepared them for such a time as this. They are not surviving, they are thriving! Thank you to family and the body of Christ for meals, helping with school, loving on my kiddos, and just being willing to step in when we need help. We are overwhelmed, not with life, rather by the goodness of God through you!!!

“Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrew 12:1-2

In the beginning of this journey with Charlie, Bob heartily suggested that we lace up our racing shoes in preparation for the marathon we had only just begun. At that time those words felt overwhelming and even a bit scary to me. I wasn’t sure I was capable of the race that lay ahead of us, and I honestly didn’t want to run this particular race. Why would you run the Deseret marathon with steep hills and high altitude when you could run the Napa Valley marathon with small slopes and low altitude? Why? Well, Hebrews tells me why, because this is THE race God has “set before us” and he and only he is the “author and finisher of our faith.” This is why I have to and want to run whatever race He sets before me.

My mama has been in my thoughts much through this trial. She taught me so much about perseverance, faith, and joy in trials. I remember standing at the finish line of many of her races with great anticipation of seeing her face round the corner and press on towards the finish line. It was thrilling, chilling, and all around amazing! She would give it all she had even after already having run 26 miles. She always looked beautiful to me, but not everyone crossing that finish line was beautiful, actually I have vivid memories of blood, blisters, vomit, sweat, and tears. You see, these marathon finishers would give it their all- so as to win the prize. This is what God has called us too- running so as to win the prize. Lord, help me to cheerfully recieve this race that you have entered me into and to run so as to win…for your glory!

1 Corinthians 9:24 Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it.

Photo 1: My mother, Enid, and I at the finish line of the 1982 Deseret News Marathon.

Photo 2: David praying with his teammates before a cross country race.

My little lion-hearted Charlie received a gift from a very talented nurse last night. A lion with Charlie’s footprints! God’s mercy and care is manifested through the love of these nurses, what a beautiful gift. There are just so many talented ministers of mercy here. As I hear stories of other babies from their parents, I am overwhelmed by the things these doctors are able to fix to preserve the lives of all these precious souls. To God be the glory!

We switched rooms again, which is apparently very unusual. I think it is another way that God is graciously refining me as I am not a huge fan of change. Learning to embrace “fluidity.” Grateful for the southern sun shining into our new room!

The other praise is that Charlie’s nurse gave him a bath and a new hair-do. I think it is a sign of progress when there is time for hair!

1 Corinthians 10:12-13 Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall. No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

Today was a great day for Charlie. He had lots of peaceful rest and everything seems to be in healing mode. His wounds are looking good. His breathing is very good. His pain levels are decreasing. He had a chest tube removed today and will start weaning more things tomorrow. He is such a little warrior!

When we Skyped the children last night, Savannah asked with such sweet and hopeful optimism, ” What progress did Charlie make today!?” Because it had been a harder day, it made me chuckle and caused me to remember good things that did happen.

We are meeting more people who are here with their sick babies. It is an interesting place to meet people, but sweet as we all are walking a road that is foreign to us. May God be glorified in this place, and may many come to know Jesus- the greatest physician!

Today I was blessed by this podcast from Nancy Leigh Demoss – Revive our Hearts “Don’t Squander Your Trial”. Lord, help me to be faithful with this trial…

This is a story of four young couples. All a part of a church body 19 years ago. All newly weds then. All sinners saved by grace. All starting a family in faith. All sold out for Christ and His church. Friendships founded in Christ, that have stood the test of time and great trials. These dear sisters made the trek from Ft. Collins to encourage, pray with, hug, and laugh with me. It was a sweet reunion as we Skyped in the fourth friend from Tennessee. We shared buckets of tears as we celebrated Charlie and recounted the many difficulties and trials that the Lord has sovereignly brought each of us through. And maybe, just maybe, we all look just a little bit more like Jesus-praise God! And definitely our love for our Savior is greatly multiplied. It was a delight to relish in the goodness and faithfulness of our Great God! These women are beautiful, beautiful because of what Christ has done and is doing in their lives.

If you are a young lady, a young mother, or just younger than me in any way- I encourage you to seek the Lord with your whole, undivided heart. Make sure your friendships are founded in Christ. Invest in His kingdom, not in building yours. Do not fear what lies ahead for you. Run into the future with faith knowing that God has specifically designed the works He has for you as well as the trials and difficulties. They are intricately, perfectly, and lovingly designed for you- to prepare you for eternity. As I look back on the difficulties that the Lord has given to me- many of which were things I had previously thought I could never endure- I stand in awe of God and His great mercy. He lovingly loosens my grip on this world. He strips away the thick layers of pride and selfishness that plague me. He replaces my earthly eyes with spiritual eyes that more clearly see Him and the things HE IS DOING. Oh dear sisters, I have prayed that God would not allow my present trial to invoke fear, or to instill a lack of faith, or to present doubts in your life! No!!! I pray that my present trial would increase your faith, strengthen your love for children, solidify your conviction for the value of life- in a world that throws it away, and may you run into the future with open arms for the joys and the sorrows that God may have for you. My Charlie is not a mistake, I wouldn’t change this sweet story that God has authored. It is His best for me, my sweet husband, and my family. So look forward in faith and with great anticipation of the story God has authored for you