Mother Hen tries to be a hip, with-it chick, or whatever it is that they call it these days.

She has survived mini-skirts so short one dared not drink from a school water fountain, lest all the boys see the fountain of youth, endured the agony of repeatedly spraining her delicate ankles falling off of six-inch platform shoes, and even participated in dying her little rooster’s feathers a delightful shade of Smurf blue. She may be an old Mother, but she danced the Hustle with the best of them back in her day.

Many of the unfortunate but hysterically amusing trends MH has observed have since been replicated over time, some becoming positively redundant in their refusal to disappear. She disdainfully refers to the annual re-introduction of the nautical look in spring, plaid patterns in the fall, and animal print fabrics in the winter, as examples of bad trends gone worse through over-use. (Take a hint, fashion mavens!)

Another sad but true reality, is that when an original voice, a true innovator, passes either from public view, or onto that great catwalk in the sky, imitators abound. Mother Hen would calmly and patiently like to explain to subsequent generations that there will only ever be one Coco Chanel, one Marilyn Monroe, and one Audrey Hepburn. Now get busy finding your own icons, you little imposters, and leave ours alone! There, Mother feels much better.

Similarly, once a great entertainer has reached the vertigo-inducing heights of stardom, then begins to “jump the shark,” as it were, the search for the next great whosit begins. Who will be the next Elvis, the next John Lennon, the next Michael Jackson….well, no one, you silly geese!* If the next big thing was like the last big thing, it would only be the next small thing.

Having gone all the way around for a shortcut, this brings Mother Hen, sorrowfully, to the subject of Lady Gaga. The blasphemous Roman Catholic references, skimpy attire, provocative dancers…hmm, where has Mother Hen seen this all before?

Let Mother state the plain truth here: Lady Gaga is no Madonna, whom she is most evidently trying to be. This woman might as well have named herself Lady Yadayadayada, she is so completely a reiteration of someone who has gone before her.

Is she talented? Undoubtedly. Original? Not a chance. Does she get a lot of attention from being outrageous? Sigh! Even Mother Hen is compelled to write about her. Need more be said?

Gaga dear, take a little advice from an old chick who has been around the barnyard once or twice. Nobody loves a wannabe. Be yourself, or get a new gig.