Menu

David Jacobson // Semi-Finalist of WANTED 25

On February 1, Revolver launched its most ambitious WANTED contest to date. We asked writers to create a fictional character and apply to a real job. The job? A 3-month prompt-based SERIAL PROJECT on Revolver. The editors narrowed it to down 5 semi-finalists out of the 33 submissions we received. What follows are their characters’ answers to the first round of screener questions. Want to see this character make it to next round? Tell us in the comments.

1. Name?

Bareback Jimmy: part-time male escort, full-time rodeo stud.

2. Reason for leaving prior job?

I lost my last job as a male escort because of availability issues. I have to travel over half the year with the rodeo circuit, and while I was on tour HotStuff Entertainment replaced me with some wannabe cowboy stripper. I’m a bona fide champion bull-rider who also does stripteases and one-on-one soirees. How many fireman strippers are actually firemen? I don’t know any. Believe me, clients enjoy the real deal.

3. Have you been convicted of a crime and if so, what and when?

I was arrested once for indecent exposure. Last year Reverend Baxter and a few of his disciples from the First Church of Christ started protesting outside of HotStuff Entertainment on weekend nights. A couple of us escorts decided to retaliate. We went to his church on a Sunday morning and stood outside on the steps in our Sunday skimpiest. Someone from the church called the cops on us. Fortunately, the cops decided to uphold our freedom of
assembly rights. Unfortunately, I got a little excited and my package fell out of my one-size-fits-most banana hammock.

4. Do you have any restrictions on your ability to travel? If so, please explain.

For the right price I’ll go as far as the client wants.

5. Do you think a manager/ boss / employer should be feared or liked? Explain your answer.

Be whoever you are as long as you maintain a PROFESSIONAL relationship with your employees.

6. Can you describe a time when your work was criticized and how did you handle it? Please be honest.

Some people think because they’re paying me they can do whatever they please. Well, you can slap my ass and stroke my thighs all you want, but you cannot disrespect my striptease soundtrack. Kenny Chesney is god and “She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy” is the goddamn Lord’s Prayer. Anyway, at this bachelorette party, just as I was getting ready to whip off my fringe leather chaps, this bride-to-be takes my CD out of my boombox and tries to replace it with a CD of her own. Right in the middle of my act! She said she didn’t like my hick music. I said, and I’ll clean up the language for you, “don’t order Bareback Jimmy if you don’t want the Bareback Jimmy experience.” I mean, we got a fireman stripper who strips to hip hop and a cop who does techno. Figure out what you want before I’m in your living room, am I right? I was pissed. I grabbed my stuff and tipped on out. Once I was outside I lassoed the antennae off the BMW in the driveway and took a leak on the rhododendrons for good measure. That was over a year ago though, and I’ve since taken up yoga. I’m less of a hothead now.

But the story of Perpetua spread, quiet as a church mouse, from convent to convent until one-by-one, nuns began to lose their composure, began straining to hear the sound of a single Harley prowling the neighborhood late at night. Their desires were answered by sleepless nights of seemingly eternal silence.