A Washington DC matchmaker blogs about life & love in the real world

How I Feel About Valentine’s Day

As a female in her mid-twenties, I feel like there is an expectation that I am supposed to love Valentine’s Day. This holiday was essentially created with me in mind. Well, the holiday was created with Hallmark’s revenue in mind I guess, but straight, unmarried women must be consumer target #2.

Despite the fact that this “holiday” (I can’t even type that with a straight face) is geared towards making us ladies feel adored and desired by our men, there are very, very few women I know who actually enjoy February 14th. Most people just kind of tolerate it.

While I agree that a holiday about jewelry and blow jobs small naked babies wielding love arrows is a ridiculous concept, I also believe that it can help nudge those of us in new or wishy-washy relationships towards necessary conversations.

We’ve all heard the phrase DTR (define the relationship), but actually engaging in this discussion can be one of the more stressful endeavors in a single person’s life.

As a woman, if you push to DTR too soon, you might freak the guy out and send him running for the hills even when things are seemingly going well. As a guy, if you wait too long to bring up the subject, you may lose the girl to someone who is more obvious with his affection and wins her over first.

For most of us, we dabble in dating, begin to focus on someone new, hook up regularly, and then spend weeks (months?!) tiptoeing around the idea of what it means to be a couple.

So how does this play out? Maybe you introduce each other strictly by first name, no qualifiers or adjectives clarifying how you know each other or why you’re showing up at a party together.

Or, perhaps you hear a stranger murmuring something about how you’re someone’s “new girlfriend” and you find yourself grinning ridiculously from ear to ear, before glancing over nervously to see if your date overheard.

Those early moments before a relationship reaches solid ground can be stressful and confusing. You don’t want to ruin a good thing by forcing the title of Boyfriend and Girlfriend, but you don’t want to be a doormat who fails to speak up for what you want either.

That’s where little old Valentine’s Day comes into play.

When the theme of the holiday is, essentially, “romance”, it can help you determine exactly where you fall on someone’s list of priorities. It doesn’t have to be a big lovey dovey gesture either. It’s as simple as – who are you choosing to spend time with on this day?

If a guy opts to spend the evening with you, he’s saying, “you’re mine”. It implies that he’s taking himself off the market (for the evening, at least) so you can spend time together. Most importantly, he’s saying, “I acknowledge that this holiday is dumb but it will probably make you happy if we hang out so I’m going to do what I can to make you feel special and desired.”