During many interviews I've been asked this question: How are people like in real life to you? Are they as mean as they are on the Internet?

My answer has always been that in the 13 years I've been blogging, I've only encountered people who are rude to me in real life... Say less than 5 times.

Even then it's not open confrontation but just snide remarks and some sniggering.

This number is remarkably low, considering how frequently it happens online.

Plus I am as tall as most people's armpits and frequently tittering on 5 inch heels, making me a terrible sparring opponent if it ever comes to blows. I mean, most people don't go insult burly men because they fear getting punched in the face, right?

But I won't punch people just because they are rude to me. I won't do that because I know I won't win in a fight, what with multiple plastic surgery and languid limbs. Plus after that you have to go to the police station and file reports and blah blah maybe get an assault charge. It's simply not worth it - why get into a fight you can't win?

That doesn't mean I just let people trample all over me. No... I bring the fight to my home ground. You have to be rude? Let's fight on the Internet.

You can probably guess... Today marks another of the rare occasions when someone was actually rude to me! IN REAL LIFE!!

As such, I must let everyone know of this man's bravery! Someone pass him a medal!

The story begins... At about 6pm, I brought Dash (and Ellen) to Bishan AMK park, where there is a water playground which Dash loves.

Not that it's very relevant but here are two photos of Dash having fun at the park - Taken with Sony Nex 5T, and clothes from http://babystyleicon.com

It was an impromptu decision to go so I tried to rush out of the house before the sun would set, dressed in shorts, a ratty Tshirt, a cap, sunglasses and absolutely no makeup. Here's a photo:

When I turned to look, it was this middle aged man with his wife, two kids, and his paunch. The couple was looking at me and whispering something but upon seeing that I was looking back at them, the wife averted her eyes.

But the man continued to glare at me and he said loudly, "There is something called photoshop". And then he sniggered.

From this we can speculate that perhaps the wife had started the conversation with something to the likes of "Omg that's Xiaxue, she looks uglier/different in real life" to elicit that response from her husband. But I didn't hear the first sentence, so it's purely conjecture on my part. It seems, however, unlikely to have been anything complimentary.

Let's get something straight yeah. There is absolutely nothing wrong with anyone saying that I look uglier in real life - that's if I can't hear it.

But to look at me in the face and loudly announce that THERE IS SOMETHING CALLED PHOTOSHOP, that's a fucking rude taunt. AND BOY AM I GOING TO RETALIATE.

After saying his piece, he kept looking at me and smiling, like he thinks he is so damn witty. 很好笑hor? I will now proceed to virtually punch you in the face.

Sure, he is entitled to his opinion. Well, so am I, and Mr Playground Bully, I am about to give you mine.

Firstly, wow, you are very astute!!

There is indeed something called Photoshop, and I use it all the time. In fact, I'm really really good at it!!!

Secondly, it must really be your lucky day today! After you insulted me, I tried to test my new iPhone 7plus' camera lens on you. I wanted to slowly look at your visage at my pleasure, which was made kinda difficult and awkward as you, instead of focusing on having fun with your kids, decided to keep looking at me and tauntingly smiling at me the entire time I saw you at the park. Don't like that, I shy.

But yeah... I kinda wanna see... You must be very handsome yourself to taunt me for my looks like that right?

So I took a picture - as you know they say it lasts longer - and I have to say that the iPhone 7plus' dual lens did not disappoint! Even though you were pretty far away, the optical zoom worked perfectly well. And you are lucky because I had just bought my iPhone 7plus a few days ago! If this incident happened earlier, my 6plus would have returned a shitty blurry picture of you.

Here's my Pulitzer winning entry:

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I title it "Day At The Park With My Chins"

How? Nice hor? In focus and crisp.

Now, not only have I given you some internet fame FOC, I also decided, that since you are so brave to insult me irl, I shall bestow upon you my photoshop skills, the very thing you have mentioned.

People often offer to pay me money to help them photoshop their pictures! You are very very lucky indeed!

First, before one starts on photoshop, we must first decide WHAT to photoshop, so let's expand 'Day At The Park With My Chins' to have more clarity...

YIKES!!!! Ok I'm sorry I did that to my audience. The mo peng is thrown into sharp relief. Ok, so let's remove those first, they definitely have to go.

YAY!! Now you have baby smooth skin!!!

Next up is a real challenge for me... I have to get rid of that double chin!! But how? I mean, it is so double-ish that it actually looks like boobs hahaha

Congratulations, you just got semi aroused by someone's jowls

Hahahaha sorry I just had to... But don't worry, I will try my best to fix it ok!!!

BEHOLD!!!

Jeng jeng jeng!!!

OMG!!!!!

AM I GOOD OR AM I GOOD????

I mean, I basically had to use the paint tool to draw a new chin, but it looks passably realistic!

I also edited that bulbous nose so yay me!! Now he looks less like the typical uncles you see at coffee shops drinking beer, watching soccer, and hating the government, and more like a Korean boy band member!! Chin implants, I'm just saying.

Next up... I'm not a fan of the slouchy posture and overall... Doughiness.

But that's really hard to fix via liquifying, so I decided I shall simply give him a new arm.

I went to scout around for a man who takes care of his body and probably doesn't insult women for their appearances, and decided on Mr Hemsworth here... Oh boy...

Hey Chris, what do you say we LEND A HAND to Boobchin here? HAHAHA Oh my Thor I'm so punny.

OMG CHECK IT OUT!!!!!!!!!

Boobchin looks so good with Chris' arm + stomach flattened!!!

WOW WOW WOW!!!

Got a bit distracted when I was searching Mr Hemsworth's pictures... Look at him in all his perfection... So damn cute...

Stop looking at me with those eyes.... What a wonderful specimen of the human race...

And then, on the other end of the spectrum we have....

kua kua kua

Not handsome AND not nice. Yikes.

But it's ok, with some photoshop at least your exterior can change!!! Virtually!

Feel free to put your new handsome photo as your Facebook profile picture! Next time I see you at the park, you can high five me and go "PHOTOSHOP FTW!!!!"

(And also unacceptable for any form of internet drama. Also, my thoughts on the saga)

So Taylor Swift and Kim Kardashian are having a huge fight right now, which unless - good for you 😒- you are one of those enlightened people who don't give a shit about celebrity gossip, you probably have heard about.

As with all internet drama, there will be people leaving comments and giving their opinions.

Thinking about leaving your opinion or comment about the drama? DON'T DO IT YET.

Today I will be posting about 6 types of comments people leave and WHY THEY ARE UNACCEPTABLE.Unacceptable!

But first, since this post is written for this Taylor Swift (and squad) vs Kim Kardashian West (and family) drama, let's quickly recap what just happened. If you already know, skip to the part with the red words.

Background:

Back in 2009 Kanye West went on stage interrupting some award Taylor Swift got, and said Beyonce should have won instead. This one we all knew, right?

Since then, he has been pretty painted as the villain in my mind, and I'm sure, everyone else's too. No matter if it is right that Beyonce should have won, nothing could justify him going on stage to shit on someone else's parade. That's just pure asshole. And so damn attention seeking.

Years past since, and Kanye West then wrote a song called "Famous" which was released in February.

The song included Taylor Swift in the lyrics:

"I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex

Why? I made that bitch famous"

You might think this sounds crude and offensive, but the rest of the song continues worse including Kanye talking about how his dick makes girls famous. In fact, these two lines about Taylor, in my opinion, are almost complimentary if you compare them to his usual crude style.

The only very offensive thing is the grammar.

Me and Taylor????

WHY?? IT'S SO PAINFUL Y U NO STUDY IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL

After the song came out, Taylor Swift's rep came out with the following statement:

“Kanye did not call for approval, but to ask Taylor to release his “Famous” on her Twitter account. She declined and cautioned him about releasing a song with such a strong misogynistic message. Taylor was never made aware of the actual lyric, “I made that bitch famous.”

Shortly afterwards during her Grammy speech Taylor continued to passive aggressively attack Kanye:

"There are going to be people along the way who will try to undercut your success or take credit for your accomplishments or your fame"

MINUS 10 POINTS TAYTAY! Only cowards do cryptic attacks!

Meanwhile, Kanye, clearly incensed, took to twitter to say that he did not diss Taylor:

Sadly for Kanye, although evidence now suggests he was indeed telling the truth, he is so incoherent and illiterate that the rest of his tweets that followed made him just sound insane:

Right... Ok Kanye I will leave you to your hallucinogens.

Kim Kardashian then told GQ again what Kanye already said:

"She totally knew it was coming out. She wanted to all of a sudden act like she didn't." Kim Kardashian added that Taylor's lie was very unfair to Kanye and suggested Taylor was playing the victim. She also added that Taylor had promised to go on to the Grammys and tell everyone that she was actually in on the joke and had approved of the lyrics.

This swiftly (ahaha) became a he said she said situation. Both camps are adamant on their stance, and it seems like this issue will never be resolved and us, the innocent public so baited into the drama, will never know the truth.

AND NOW, THE BOMB.

Kim Kardashian took to Snapchat to drop a series of videos. The videographer was filming Kanye West speaking on speakerphone to Taylor Swift, who most definitely didn't seem to know she was being recorded.

In the video, Kanye can be seen clearly enunciating to Taylor the lyrics "I think me and Taylor might still have sex". She obviously approves and thanks him again and again for respecting her by letting her know his lyrics in advance. Kanye acts like a complete gentleman by telling her relationships are more important than punchlines.

Supporters from both camps then gave their opinions.

RED WORDS RED WORDS RED WORDS RED WORDS

My thoughts

After the video came out, Taylor's defence is that she never approved of the line "I made that bitch famous".

I AM SORRY BUT DO YOU TAKE US FOR IDIOTS TAYLOR

The video proves beyond a doubt Taylor Swift is a liar and a hypocrite. Btw I had rather liked her before this saga.

1) Taylor said that Kanye did not call her to ask for approval for the lyrics, but rather thick-skinnedly just to ask her to put up his video on her twitter, which she declined.

We can see that Kanye obviously DID ask Taylor for lyric approval. Taylor even adds that she is pleasantly surprised to get that honour, which she did not expect from Kanye. The lengthy discussion about the lyrics suggest that that was the purpose of the phone call.

Did Kanye call to ask for approval?

100% without a doubt he did.

2) Taylor only took offence at being called "that bitch", which Kanye never seeked her approval about.

Oh get your stick outta your ass... How is being called "that bitch" offensive? It happens so damn often in rap. In context of the lyrics, it doesn't seem like it's meant to insult.

But this is Taylor's only possible exit route, because the video shows Kanye so clearly letting her know the sex part of the lyrics and her approving. She even mentions the bit about him making her famous in the phone conversation!

Besides, speaking of approval...

I AM SORRY DID YOU EVER SEEK YOUR EXES' APPROVAL WHEN YOU SANG ABOUT THEM, TAYLOR??

So Kanye called you a bitch and claimed credit for your fame. Seriously who cares what Kanye says?? He shoots his mouth off so often, nobody.

You, on the other hand, said the following about John Mayer.

Dear John, I see it all now it was wrongDon’t you think nineteen’s too youngTo be played by your dark, twisted games?Don't you think I was too youngTo be messed with?The girl in the dressCried the whole way home, I should've known.

You want to speak character assassination? In a few brilliant lines you manage to suggest he is some sort of sadistic, predatory serial paedophile - which is way worse than Kanye calling you a bitch.

Just because you hide behind the mask of cryptic passive aggressive attacks doesn't mean you are above it all. At least Kanye never left it open to interpretation who "Taylor" in his song is, like you made everyone know "Dear John" is of last name Mayer without claiming any responsibility for your harsh words.

Sorry this is a man who spells "scene" as "seen" and drops the N word every other sentence and you really think you can use words like 'misogynistic' on him and hope he sees the light of day? He's gonna be like "Miso what? The japanese soup?"

HAHAHAHAHA OMG THIS IS HILARIOUS

Also, hearing Taylor's obviously pandering tone of voice in the phone convo, I highly doubt she will caution him about anything.

Nope sorry Taytay, don't believe you.

Evidence of lying and duplicity aside, this video is amazing because it shows us a side of Taylor Swift that we never got to see.

This is the real her when she thinks no media is watching.

The video proves beyond doubt that she's a liar. Lying isn't bad, but what are the motives behind a lie? Far more disturbing are the other little telltale signs of her authentic character that proves she isn't the innocent, sweet, helpless young victim she has always portrayed herself to be.

Within the little material that Kim K has bestowed upon us, I conclude the following:

1) The real Taylor Swift is constantly thinking about fame, and how to sustain it. And that's kinda gross.

Proof (transcript): Way before the song even came out she is already brainstorming how to react to the media about it in the best way possible for herself. She is completely aware about what she posts and how many likes there are.

I expect that sort of behaviour from the Kardashians but I liked to think that Taytay fell into it by just having really catchy songs and being so doe-eyed cute.

How adorable! Look at this video of Taylor and her brother hunting for Easter eggs at home!

Look at her, gangly and gawky and awkwardly running about, with no makeup and awful biker shorts! She's so down to earth. She isn't afraid to show her REAL side to her fans! Look how she and her brother are just like you and yours! How sweet, her mom laughing in the background! Awwwww, the warmth of family! Taylor's just perfect. HEART EYES EMOJI

OR....?

Maybe she had planned this entire charade BECAUSE she knew it will tug at your heartstrings. Maybe she paid her brother and mother to act this out.
Maybe it isn't even her mother filming but her PA, pretending to chuckle in a matronly manner.
Maybe she changed out of designer wear into biker shorts - which her PA went to buy specially because a focus group voted it as "most gawky".
Maybe she doesn't even run awkwardly but she did it for show. Maybe the makeup was applied for 1 hr to look like there isn't makeup.

These are all thoughts that might have crossed our cynical minds.

But the heart believes what it wants to believe. I want to believe that innocent, sweet, and yet a little awkward Taylor exists. The angel who fights for musicians against evil Apple! No, she can't have planned her entire social media persona. She is just being her bubbly self. IT REAL

And just like that, Kim Kardashian dashed (see what I did there) the public persona that took years and years to carefully cultivate.

It may have broken of all our hearts, but we were living a lie, and you broke the matrix and freed us.

Thank you Kim Kardashian, I love you

2) Taylor Swift isn't humble at all but SO DAMN FULL OF HERSELF.

Proof: She says, "I might be in debt, but I can make these things happen. I have the ideas to do it and I create these things and concepts."

Woah woah ok why are you suddenly praising yourself in a phone call to Kanye West? I expect him to be doing that, not you! AND WHAT DEBT?

Quote 2: "You honestly didn’t know who I was before that. It doesn’t matter that I sold 7 million of that album before you did that which is what happened, you didn’t know who I was before that. It’s fine.

HAHAHHA Ultra defensive much?? So hilarious!!

Sorry I had a lot of thoughts about this lol!!!

Back to the main part of my article:

UNACCEPTABLE RESPONSES TO INTERNET DRAMA

UNACCEPTABLE RESPONSE 1:

The Morally Superior Do-Gooder

"Don't we have more important things to talk about? Like famines and child abuse blah blah"

OFFENDERS:

Selena Gomez:

Remember to say that to anyone who talks about you next time lol

Chloe Moretz

You know what is petulant and unimportant? Most of your movies haha

Martha Hunt

Wanna hear a real problem? Supermodels making everyone have unrealistic expectations of how they are supposed to look! BAM

BORING!!!!!!!!!!!

The losers always say the same fucking shit.

That this drama is simply beneath you, therefore unworthy of further perpetuation or participation.

Bullshit.

It isn't that you have the planet to save and no time for salacious gossip.

IT IS THAT YOU HAVE NO DEFENCE.

So you try to change the topic and pretend you are too up your own arse to care.

Nice try

In one fell swoop you not only establish yourself as being morally superior, you also accuse the other party of being small-minded. If they continue the topic, it proves you right.

NOT.

I'm sorry, but this age-old excuse ain't gonna work.

As for the celebrities who preach this, DON'T BE IDIOTIC. You and your entire career exists for other people's entertainment, and entertainment is by definition frivolous and unimportant in the grand scheme of things.

If you want people to only discuss and care about lofty, world issues, then guess what?

NOBODY WILL TALK ABOUT YOU. Nobody will spend any money watching movies or buying your music because all our time, money and efforts should be devoted to worthier causes.

Then where will you be?

So fuck you and your hypocrisy.

But it isn't only the celebrities or parties involved who preach Unacceptable Response 1.

If you read through comments, every 10 comments or so some idiot will preach the same old shit.

You know what? If it isn't interesting or important enough to you...

You don't go to a theatre full of movie-goers and yell at them for watching a movie instead of saving whales.

You don't interrupt someone's tooth-brushing and tell them that their oral hygiene is insignificant compared to the orphans who need his help.

SO WHY ARE YOU STOPPING PEOPLE FROM ENJOYING INTERNET DRAMA

Stop your sanctimonious bullshit and hypocrisy. There you are, obviously drawn to the drama. Otherwise why are you reading about it and leaving your dumbass opinion?

Guess what?

Life is hard. People have problems. Money problems. Health problems. Relationship problems.

To relieve the stress we turn to stress-free things that can occupy our minds.

Like celebrity gossip, or movies, or candy crushing. We don't want to devote our free time to all the sad shit in the world because IT IS DEPRESSING AS FUCK.

Kim K exposing Taylor is too shallow for you? Well, it's important to ME. It is what entertains me. And millions of others too.

You know what ISN'T important to us though?YOUR OPINION.

Your thoughts on whether our source of interest is too vapid for you. NOBODY CARES WHAT YOU THINK.

So next time you begin to type a sentence that starts like....

"We should all focus on..."

Hush hunny

If you start saying...

"Who cares about all these..."

Or...

"Shouldn't we use our social media for more importa...."

Or perhaps you wanna type instead...

"As a celebrity you should be using your fame to..."

You aren't special.

What you are preaching has been said by millions of other similar self righteous pricks before you, and yet Daily Mail continues to thrive. So join us, or leave us alone, thanks.

UNACCEPTABLE RESPONSE 2:

The Protector of the Weak

"This is bullying. And you all are bullying too."

OFFENDER:

Ruby Rose

Although to be fair Khloe did seem to go over the line but hey I was entertained watching

All internet dramas results in someone being painted as the villain.

Instead of focusing on the issue at hand (Taylor Swift is a self-serving shrewd media-manipulating liar OMG!!!111) and talking about that, some moron will be talking about the villain is being bullied by the other person who exposed her.

And of course, as angry hordes are leaving their insulting comments to the villain, some idiot will be there calling everyone bullies.

Then of course blah blah talking about how people commit suicide coz of bullying and cyberbullying is a crime la di da...

BULLYING TAYLOR SWIFT??

You are joking right?

I'm sorry but you cannot use this convenient excuse to not expose the truth about someone simply because their own actions - not the expose itself- will result in a bad public opinion of them!

Sorry that shifty actions cause bad public opinion, but that's that! In this instance, Taylor made her bed now she gotta lie in it.

And you know what? If the "bullying" is making you so upset, just SHUT UP. Yakking about it won't make it better.

Because

1) You preaching to others to stop bullying won't make them stop, it will just make them angry and change target to bully you too.

2) You leaving a comment only fans the flames and makes it more popular. Your friends who see you leave the comment are notified and who knows, maybe THEY decide to leave a bullying comment.

So the best thing for you to do is to STFU....

Which coincidentally everyone wants you to do.

UNACCEPTABLE RESPONSE 3:

The Pacifist

"Why can't you be a bigger person and just don't respond? Kill them with kindness."

OFFENDER:

Justin Bieber

URGHHH CAN YOU BE MORE POLITICALLY CORRECT

Quiet now darling the adults are discussing an important topic which is whether Kim and Kanye had planned since the phone call to eventually draw Taylor out in the worst way possible then release it, ok?

We are debating whether Snapchat, Twitter and Facebook probably had a bidding war on which platform Kim was to release those videos, ok? And sometimes, when adults talk, they disagree on things and raise their words to caps. That's the way the world is dear.

So go watch some Carebears and...

UNACCEPTABLE RESPONSE 4:

The Dejected

"I am so disappointed in Taylor/Kim"

The only person who cares if they disappointed you, are internet survey forms asking you how your customer experience has been. #truth

UNACCEPTABLE RESPONSE 5:

The Equality Fighter

"This is racist!"

Everything is always racist.

Because sometimes it really isn't about race so let's not make it always about that. And when you tell these people as much, they launch into a tirade about how xxx races has suffered so much and now you are the racist one. Le sigh.

UNACCEPTABLE RESPONSE 6:

The Uninformed and Proud of it

"Who are these people again and why are they famous? lol"

As if him not knowing the people involved is definitive proof that they are not worthy of fame. Sorry, it proves no such thing, it only proves that you are quite ignorant.

That's the end of my Unacceptable Responses list because that's all I can think of for now.

If you want to leave your comment for the latest internet drama, try to make sure you aren't one of these MEGA ANNOYING PEOPLE!!!

At the end of the day, all these preachy assholes need to realise that people on the internet THRIVE ON THE DRAMA.

The publicity, no matter how negative it seems now, will turn into money for them.

So no need to be all holier-than-thou about simply laying back and enjoying the drama without fighting for some lame cause. Do it with no guilt, do it with pride!!!

They are putting on a show for us, so just savour it!!

Tata for now, I'm gonna read all the new articles about the feud. #loveit

Been meaning to blog about my "new" car for a while now but as I procrastinate the car is rapidly becoming no longer "new". LOL!!

Yes yes I know I have neglected my blog for a long time. It is increasingly intolerable to sit at an immobile computer station for hours to edit pictures and post them up... I really don't know how I used to manage to blog for like 10 hours in a row in front of the computer man. Nowadays here ache there ache and I get so distracted with Dash... Can't sit for 2 mins without him going MAMA this MAMA that. In the past I used to post all the time because I feel this insatiable need to broadcast my life with an audience, and there was simply no other avenue/outlet for me to vent my anger, share my jokes, or discuss my thoughts. Blogging was the only way.

Nowadays if one wants to share their life, there are so many alternative ways... I can tweet, I can post on instagram, I can Dayre, I can share on Facebook, I can do a life stream or shoot a video for youtube (even more troublesome than blogging so nah for that)... Of all the social media avenues, the one that requires the least effort of all is Snapchat, so that's what I've been posting on these few days...

I have become a Snap-addict of sorts, documenting my everyday life with Snapchat (id: TheXiaxue). At first, I never 'got' snapchat at all. Before stories were able to be made public, snapchat was just for sending boh liao pictures to friends, which I felt could be done easily with whatsapp so what's the point?

Plus Snapchat is so damn unintuitive and difficult to use... It was such a turn off trying to feature out what I was doing! Now, of course, I've become an expert and find navigate the app like a pro, but even now I still can't figure some stuff out, like how to record video without pressing your finger on the button (apparently it can be done), or how to get the trophies, or what the number under my name really represents.

It becomes easy to see the appeal of snapchat. Instagram has become increasingly stifling over the years with everyone using it to only post the best of their camera roll.

Picture is grainy or taken with iPhone camera? ERM NO THANKS DO NOT TAINT MY FEED. Shitty quality photos are not allowed to be posted. Or if I took 200 shots of Dash at the pool... Of those, 50 look nice. 3 is the max I will post from that series or the feed becomes repetitive and spammy, even though if I were to blog I would have posted up all 50.

I don't post "boh liao" photos which I simply find funny, like if I see a weird looking passerby, because it is both aesthetically not pleasing and intrusive on the passerby. I don't post random food pictures unless it is super gram-worthy. I don't post ugly unedited photos of myself if I can help it.

I don't know who set these rules for instagram.

Ok fine I do know and it's me lol. But I don't know why I started being so rigid there... It's almost like over time the feed has become a certain way and I don't want to lower its standards, you know. And like everyone else has such nice pictures, I feel like cannot lose!! Plus, if you spam or post shitty pictures people tend to unfollow you. :( Instagram is such a cruel and unforgiving place, where your followers don't really know who you are and they don't care. They only want to see pretty or cute pictures.

Anyway I have ranted about Instagram before (although I hypocritically continue to use it albeit much less now). My point is not so much so that IG is becoming more canned but that it takes more effort now to post on that, so people move on to easier avenues, like snapchat.

With Snapchat you can spam because just with one tap people can skip to the next snap. You can post stupid, pointless and ugly stuff, because nobody judges there. And although it can feel lonely over there with nobody leaving comments or giving likes, it is also very liberating. It also, I feel, is an authentic representation of one's life, because it is only real time, unedited photos and videos. Plus snapchat has all these filters and stuff which makes it so fun! A new filter everyday!

WTF I was so fair after giving birth I don't know why! Maybe got milk in system will be fairer.

The sponsorship lasted a year and then I got my pineapple Dash car...

(Someone pointed out my fat knees look like Dash's face. I laughed like a maniac and now you cannot unsee it can you? LOL)

I love all my sponsored cars but unfortunately all good things must come to an end... Rather than seeking another sponsorship in 2015 I decided that perhaps it is time to buy my own.

I mean, if anyone still wants to sponsor me a car I'm more than open to it haha but I don't know, I guess my car sponsorships usually last a year and during the start of the year I will be so happy but as it ends I will have to frantically think about finding another sponsor or not having a car to drive... It is really quite stressful and as you know cars are very expensive in Singapore so it isn't an easy sponsorship to find!

As the Tyre queen sponsorship was nearing its endpoint I found myself just surfing Sg Carmart to look at cars instead of looking for another sponsor.

BUT WHAT TO BUY????

I mean, I'm sure there are girls like me around, right? I mean, not many of us, but some. And girls like me face a problem when it comes to buying cars because the car makers simply don't make cars to suit girls like me.

What do I mean?

I'm not a "car" person. I am not super informed about automobiles or love them from the bottom of my heart like car people do. I don't like racing or drifting or driving stick shift. I don't care about how fast my car can accelerate as long as it's not obscenely slow.

I mean if we are talking about dream cars obviously I would love to have a pink Bentley like Paris Hilton.

Hell, why not a sparkling Lamborghini?

"Santa, I would blow you if you drop the keys to one of these in my stocking next Xmas"

But let's be realistic here... I can't afford any of these. Not right now anyway!

And honestly, even if I get a free Lamborghini right now I won't be driving it but selling it away immediately. Ok maybe I won't sell it immediately but in a month's time lah lol enjoy it for a bit first.

The reason?

The cost of owning a super car isn't just what it costs to buy it. That's a large part of it. Everyday you keep the car instead of selling it its value goes down the drain like laosai of the curry you ate that had gone bad. That's what people call "depreciation".

So I randomly went to find the depreciation of, say, a Lamborghini Gallardo on SGcarmart. The depreciation of the random one I picked is $67,100 per year.

What that means is that the car costs you $5,600 PER FUCKING MONTH TO DRIVE IT!

How much must you earn per month that you can decide to blow $5,600 on your vehicle?? That's not inclusive of road tax, petrol, insurance, parking, ERP etc!

Imagine, if you get a free lambo right now, like Santa really gave it to you, and you decided ok lah so nice the car I drive it for a month... YOU LOSE $5,600 in value when you sell it a month later!

Damn jialat man I change my mind I will only drive it for 1 day and sell it.

That's not it...

People pay $600 road tax per year you pay $5000. Your insurance is off the charts.

But it also costs a lot to fuel. It costs a lot to repair.

You will literally feel your heart die a little if someone scratches it - which I suspect many people will do because nobody likes a rich show off.

Nobody wants to give way to you because fuck you rich bitch.

Parking Pontianak sure make a beeline to give you summon first.

And then you get a mini panic attack everytime you drive into a tight multi-storey car park. You go mega slow going up a hill in case your impractically low front bumper scrapes the ground and cost you $8888.80 to repair.

To top it all maybe zao geng when getting out of the car.

In exchange for what? That sexy engine purr? To go super fast and break our 90km speed limit then get demerit points and cannot drive anymore? To get laid is probably the best reason but not applicable to married folk.

So yeah... Why dream an impractical dream? I mean, it is not that I can NEVER EVER afford a Super car... Maybe if I wanted it badly enough I would have worked towards that and became a multi millionaire by now.

It is that I just won't spend that kind of money because I do not find it worth it.

The principle of it also rankles me so much! Like why is it that if a side view mirror on a Nissan gets knocked off I have to pay a reasonable amount for a new mirror but if it's on a Lambo I have to pay an exorbitant amount? LIKE WHY? MIRROR IS MIRROR WHAT, ALL THE SAME. It's obviously trying to tok the rich people's money and I don't like the idea of being a carrot. It makes me SO ANGRY!!

I vaguely considered buying a BMW. Those look nice, right? I test drove one and I realised I didn't really like driving it. The steering wheel is super hard to turn and I can foresee that I will just get sian of having to use so much force to steer the bloody car. And its appearance is just so... masculine.

I really would like a more feminine car... But how many feminine cars are there??

The only one that pops up in everyone's mind is the Volkswagen beetle - that's like literally the only model or something.

But a pink beetle is just so... cliched. Like every other girl drives it and I don't want to be the same as other people. I want something more unique and with more character. Also, the boot too small to put my pram. IKR, uncool.

However, at this juncture in my life it simply won't work. How can I possibly drive Dash and my maid out in a two seater? And the car is ridiculously small with the tiniest boot you can possibly imagine. It's really more of a motorcycle with a sidecar than a car lor lol

Actually, I love the appearance of vintage cars!!

I mean look at this cutie!! It looks SOOOO much better than the modern Beetle!!

The pro of vintage/old cars is that they are actually affordable.

The con is that it is horrible to drive an actual vintage car because they are always breaking down and cost shitloads to repair.

I know because Mike was driving an old Mercedes and it is like a grandpa with all kinds of ailments. Today aircon siao tomorrow engine cannot start next day the leather seats crack open. It's terrible.

Anyway so yeah I was shit out of options.

It's either I am unwilling to spend that much on a model coz I don't like it that much, or the car really isn't practical at all like I can't put pram and car seat inside, or it is too old and I shouldn't buy an old car.

I resigned myself to buying a Daihatsu Materia perhaps...

It isn't expensive. It is a practical, reliable car. And it's boxy and cute and it looks like it's grinning all the time! They aren't usually pink but clearly some girl who is like me liked it and sprayed it pink (and covered the Daihatsu logo with my tattoo lol).

I thought of adding some eyelashes to the car and it will look quite cute!

And then I saw, on SGcarmart when I was surfing the exotic cars tab...

A Mitsuoka Viewt.

I was super amused when I saw the car because it looks like an insect or an owl to me... I took a screenshot and sent the picture to my mom and Shuyin, but it never crossed my mind that I would actually buy it.

Why? Because

1) It looks vintage and I won't buy vintage cars after dealing with Laopokasaurus. Aint nobody got time for that

2)What the fuck is a Mitsuoka like seriously nobody drives that brand in Singapore and the repair work would be ridiculously exorbitant.

3) It is almost twice the price of the Materia, which I kinda had set my heart on.

Actually, the Viewt isn't that expensive. It is about the price of a BMW 3 series with the same amount of COE time left. I mean, obviously it isn't the price of a practical, everyday car, but it isn't like have-to-sell-body-to-afford kinda price, you know.

My mom was in love with the Viewt. She said it's really very cute and she told me to take a second look at it.

Just google image Mitsuoka and you can see that they do not even have ONE car that is boring and utilitarian!!!

But that's not all that's interesting about Mitsuoka.

Some of the cars aren't even really Mitsuoka cars!

THEY CHANGE THE EXTERIORS OF OTHER CARS.

For example, my Viewt used to, believe it or not, look like this:

Hi! This is a boring Nissan March which you won't look twice at. (sorry March owners but true - especially if it's silver which is like ew the most boring colour eva)

At Mitsuoka, a group of skilled craftsmen carefully remove the car's exterior (and some parts of the interior like steering wheel) and modify it into the Viewt - BY HAND.

To produce each car takes 40 days and thats why there aren't that many mass produced!

I imagine that a lot of love went into making mine and it makes me feel so happy.

I think of all the BMWs being stamped out in factories everyday and how my Viewt takes 40 days to produce (on top of the time spent on making a Nissan March that is) and I think the price is well worth it.

I am more willing to pay money to the Japanese craftsmen who put real time and sweat into making my car than to all the advertising and marketing that luxury car brands probably pays for?

And true to Japanese intricate quality, my Viewt is already 8 years old and I don't know if the previous owner just drove it very little or took very good care of it, but it was in IMMACULATE condition when I bought it. Everything was beautiful and looked and felt brand new.

Mitsuoka doesn't just remove the shells of other boring cars either. They sometimes base the designs on obsolete but beautiful vintage models!!

For example, my viewt is modelled after the mega gorgeous Jaguar Mark II.

It really looks like the Jaguar haha!! A gas station attendant actually asked me, amazed, if that's what I'm driving - which I think is quite impossible because the Mark II stopped production in 1967! Anyway it's sans the metal Jaguar in front and it says Mitsuoka instead.

I was so freaking excited because I recently watched Xmen Apocalypse and my car suddenly appeared:

I was like hitting Mike on the shoulder and going OMG OMG OMFG IT'S MY FUCKING CAR!!!!

I was so happy coz like Professor X was driving my car hahaha!!

But upon closer inspection it is actually a vintage Jaguar Mark II. *Sad face emoji* Goodness knows where they managed to find one in such mint condition but I guess it isn't so difficult to find in the states.

So... back to the purchase.

My mom told me to call the previous owner and try to haggle the price, so I did. He also told me that the car has a Nissan engine. I was like HUH WHAT DO YOU MEAN in which he started to explain it's a Nissan March inside etc.

What this means is that

1) It is not actually vintage. It is a modern, boring, reliable Japanese car pretending to be vintage. Which means you get all the good looks and none of the nasty problems, hopefully?

2) Nissan March parts are not only cheap to repair, they are easily available!

3) I thought the car would suck oil like crazy but now I guess it won't!

I just couldn't believe my luck. It's like I found a car that matched all of my ridiculous criteria.

- Looks vintage but isn't vintage.

- Girly.

- Classy.

- Beautiful.

- Isn't ridiculously over-powered for my simple needs.

- Fits a pram and a car seat.

- Price is slightly beyond my budget but I can still afford it.

And it is SO FUCKING UNIQUE.

I was told by the Mitsuoka dealer (not too sure if accurate but I'll take her word) that in Singapore there are only less than 5 on the road now. Throughout all of history only 12 were ever sold here. 12!!

Of the 5 on the road, 3 are being kept by the Mitsuoka boss in his house because he likes the car so much, so I don't even know if they are being ever driven.

In all of SGcarmart history only ONE Mitsuoka Viewt ever was sold, and it's the one I own now.

So even if you want to buy one, I'm not sure how you can, as the Mitsuoka dealership here is closed down.

People are always leaving their cards on my car asking if I'm interested in selling, but I'm not! I love love love my car and I intend to renew my COE once it ends in 2017 - hopefully it drops further!

All that for the price of a BMW 3 series... Which is so common on the roads.

My friends kept telling me not to buy the car and just get the Materia instead, but I don't think they understand... it's a great car and it's in such mint condition and it's so damn special and rare. I don't regret my purchase at all!

After getting the car, I naturally had to spray it a vintage cadillac pink...

You can watch the car spraying ep here!!!

Thank you so much Koh Guan Chua workshop for not only spraying my car the perfect shade but also being my trusted car workshop. :) :)

Omg the entry is getting so long-winded but I really have to talk about something else...

After spraying the car it looked so beautiful but something was still wrong... My car plate.

The previous owner had the car plate 73 on it (which he said he bid $3,000 for), his birth year. When he sold me the car the plate was not included, so I got a random number instead which was SKV6960T.

Actually the number isn't horrid as far as random numbers go, not like 104 一定死 164 一路死 something.

Till that point in my life I never really bothered about license plate numbers. To bid for a number cost a minimum of $1,000 which is just... ridiculous.

Non drivers probably don't know this... In order to get a customised plate number, you have to bid for it, and it's a closed bid, meaning you just put in an amount (minimum $1,000) and pray nobody bids higher than you, because the winning bid goes to the highest bidder.

Bloody hell it's not even like the car plates in Singapore even look nice, like the vanity plates in the states - which BY THE WAY ARE BOUGHT FOR ONLY USD$50 I CANNOT DEAL

I could have gotten this for $50usd

No sir. In Singapore you have to have the 3 letters in front (cannot choose), your number/s in the middle, and 1 letter at the back (also cannot choose). It's hideous.

The numbers from 1-100 are DEFINITELY goners, everyone bids for them.

For 2 digit numbers, be prepared to put in $3,000 and up, or you surely won't be able to get them.

For 1 to 10, I think people pay like $50,000 or something. Imagine that shit... That's the price of another car sans COE. JUST FOR THE LICENSE PLATE TO LOOK PRETTY.

Next time you see a car on the road with license plate number 1, just imagine how rich that bugger must be to GIVE TENS OF THOUSANDS FOR A CHEAP PIECE OF METAL

I just can't get over this man... If you buy a birkin at least you know some work went into making the bag. Hermes also spends so much on advertising. You buying the bag actually employs people who work on it. Or if you buy a diamond ring that's $50,000, at least you know big diamonds are rare and hard to find, therefore justifying the price a little.

BUT WHAT IS THIS CAR PLATE NONSENSE

No money was spent on marketing or advertising. It is literally intangible - just a number - printed into the same piece of hammered metal that another car plate that's FREE is made out of. Number 1 is no more rare than number 6374.

It pays nobody's salary to create this product (ok fine I suppose some administrative people probably handle the bids), since technically it isn't a product so much so as it is a variant of a free thing. It doesn't even come in a nice box. If I pay $1,000 for something at least let it come in a satiny ribbon goddammit.

SO WHY SHOULD IT COST $1,000 AND UP CAN YOU TELL ME??

Oh and btw it's not just $1,000 you have to pay, even if you win your bid. After that there is another bullshit cost of $300!!! WHY??

As if all that nonsense isn't enough, THEY ALSO MAKE US PAY ANOTHER $1,300 TO TRANSFER THE PLATE TO ANOTHER CAR.

Meaning... If I successfully bid for number XXXX and I want to change my car, I have to pay $1,300 to put XXXX on the new car!! CAN EXPLAIN WHY??

And who does all these money go to?

LTA THAT'S WHO

The same people we pay our parking fines and ERP charges to!! Wei you go and die ok you all earn so much from the rich suckers who bid for car plates why still hire people to catch us for illegal parking can you please!!!

I try to do a modest calculation:

Let's imagine the people who bid for numbers 1-10 pay $30,000 each.

Let's imagine that the people who bid for 11-100 pay $3,000 each.

We will take out a few numbers I can think off on top of my head like 11, 88, 89, 111, 888, 777, 999 which cost probably $10,000 and up.

And then there are people who pay for the not so coveted numbers but at $1,300 each, and put these people at a modest 30, although I doubt it's so little.

It adds up to like $670,000

Which is only by my very modest count! If you add in all the people transferring license plates too I bet it's like way more...

LTA should give back to the people lor!! Reduce ERP charges can?

Anyway... I am just whining because I just feel the cost of a pretty license plate is REDONKULOUS. I know I know... Age old argument of "NOBODY FORCED YOU TO BID WHAT".

I blame my mother ok... She keep saying that the license plate I was going to randomly get will start with 4 and the Chinese believe it's inauspicious. Don't know where she got her nonsense info from since afterwards I got 6960... Very far away from 4thousand you mei you.

Then she said beautiful car must have nice license plate blah blah and I was like URGH I already spent so much on the stupid car but she is right, after she said that I cannot unsee it... If you notice on the roads most pretty cars have nice license plates... It's almost like you get a gorgeous wedding gown but decide to wear crocs with it.

So I was like OK LAH FINE YOLO I ALREADY SPENT SO MUCH ON THE CAR SO FUCK IT I WILL BID FOR A NICE LICENSE PLATE LIKE A STUPID SUCKER BUT I WON'T PAY MORE THAN $1,000 FOR IT!!!!!! I WON'T!!!

Then a flat bureaucratic voice which is untouched by my passionate anarchist statement reminds me that there is an additional cost of $300 so I hastily change my statement.

I WON'T PAY MORE THAN $1,300 FOR IT, I WON'T!!!

So that was that and I went to bid for 7770, because I like 777 since it looks like a lucky jackpot number, and I cannot afford 777 (my friend has that number and bid $20,000 for it) and I tried to convince myself that the zero looks like letter O maybe. Nobody else is deceived lol...

Sorry finished with my license plate story on to more pictures of my car...

I got inspired to write this post and literally went downstairs to snap some pictures without moving my car from my lot at all lol so pardon the other car next to it.

Hi baby you so gorgeous!! This is my baobei number 2 after Dash... :D Ok lah fine baobei number 3 if I count Mike.

It says Mitsuoka

Here's the side view. In case you are wondering, the Nissan March is actually a hatchback! Mitsuoka added the extra boot space to make it look like a sedan.

I love love love the rims that come with the car because it looks so damn vintage.

Upon closer inspection of Viewt pictures online, I realised that the original Viewt does NOT come with these rims!

Scroll back up to see the Jaguar Mark II photos and you will realise these rims look like the Mark II's rims!

What this means is that the previous owner probably loved the Mark II and modified the car the best he can to look like the vintage model... That's so fucking awesome. I have no idea where he found these rims but wow are they pretty!

Here's her butt

Btw I just want to say... I have become one of those people who love their cars.

I know a lot of people who say they hate driving, even if they do own cars, but I'm not one of those people. I love driving and having a car and I can't foresee myself ever going back to public transport.

Reasons:

1) I feel safe in my car

I never do feel completely safe and relaxed in public transit, even if it's in a cab. I fear potential rape/robbery at every moment lol!! I feel that it feels so powerless and claustrophobic to be inside someone's else vehicle, like you are trapped? What can you do? Open the door and roll out ala movies meh? Then my fragile fake nose how?

I probably have some psychological problems wtf lol... Like even in taxis I sometimes feel so uncomfortable if like there is a roach in the cab (stuff nightmares are made of), or the driver is dreadfully flatulent, or the driver is having major road rage and is cursing in the car, scaring me... like I cannot just get off when I want to coz I will be stranded in some highway.

When it's my own car I just feel completely relaxed and happy when I step in. Like I know it's MY space, I'm in control.

I just hate the feeling of like after a tiring day you just want to get home quick, but you got to tolerate another 10 mins of waiting for a taxi (on a good day), and another 20 mins of being in a potential rape zone before being home in your safe haven.

Having my own car means being "safe" sooner. The moment I go into my car I feel like I'm already home.

Ok fine I know cabbies probably won't rape me but that doesn't mean one should spread their legs wide and fall asleep in cabs ok! He can always be overcome with sexual arousal and abandon all logical thought and drive you somewhere to rape you, and when he realised he will go to jail for it, decide to kill you after dissecting you!! WHY NOT OK WHY NOT

You know that feeling when you can't wait to take off your bra when you get home? Sometimes I do it in the car when I'm alone driving back lololol

2) I want to be the one driving

Ok I'm terrible at directions, I'll admit this. But I am very good at following the GPS' directions. Before I leave for somewhere I will properly do my research on the best route and where to park. Before the journey I will sometimes even turn on two GPSes in case one decides to go bonkers I still have the other.

Therefore, I believe I am the most efficient person to get me to my desired location. I really, really cannot stand it when cabbies have no idea where to go so they just anyhow try and hope to get the right place. Then when they flounder I have to be the one to guide them, which brings me to my next point:

3) I get car sick

Except when I'm the one driving that is. I've always been easily nauseous since I was a kid and I cannot go on yachts or go on long car rides without puking all the way. It's the most horrible feeling in the world I swear.

Some people love that they can do their own stuff on public transport if they aren't driving, like replying emails etc.

I have no such luxury because reading in the car will make me vomit immediately. I literally am rendered useless at the back of the vehicle, curled up in a foetal position trying not to regurgitate my guts.

4) You can put all your stuff in the car

Did some shopping and don't want to lug the goods to dinner? Put it in the car.

Other people get so pissed stuck on the road but I'm quite happy leh... I just blast music and sing at the top of my voice hahahaha! And speaking of music... MY CAR, MY MUSIC. I love that I'm not forced to listen to other people's choice of songs :D

7) MY CAR DAMN CHIO I SEE ALREADY DAMN HAPPY

And I think that's the most important reason of all lol!!!!

Ok enough writing nonsense here are some more pictures....

My stupid ancient GPS that I encrusted with crystals lol

And look the pony has WATER IN HER WINGS!! WITH GLITTER INSIDE *heart eyes*

I've never seen anyone else with a customised background for their sound system lol!!! I love this sound system thingy wtf I can use car speakerphone for phone calls handsfree, got reverse camera, and can connect to phone music/spotify. Can watch videos even if you have them on dvd or in a thumb drive!

And yes my light is pink (can customise lol!!) and my fav radio station is 100.3FM I know it's damn uncool but shoo.

Ponies on my dashboard

Hanging on the rear view mirror

Ponies are love

Here's my glove full of essentials in it. The black torch is a weapon wtf

Change of clothes and slippers... This little box is under the passenger front seat! So cute...

Got these pink hooks online and accidentally bought a pack of 10 wtf... End up nobody wanted the rest coz nobody wanted pink hooks in their cars. -_- THEY ARE PERFECTLY FUNCTIONAL OK

Here's my pouch of makeup. I don't know why I took this stupid picture.

OK this stupid blog post took me like 3 weeks to finish writing wtf... In between I went to Croatia lol!! CAN U PLEASE GO BACK TO THE TOP AND SAVOUR EVERY WORD COZ MY SHOULDERS DAMN PAIN NOW.
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