Hymn #1He is the valiant Son of Peace. Together we are the Sons of Oil, we are the kings and priests of the Lord. His seat is at Nob. He is a furnace and is the prophecy of God. He has come to spoil and to scourge. He is the scorpion of change. With him comes growth.

He is to be desired and we shall strive after him. Together we shall be our father’s brother. He tells me to be silent and become still. To prate, babble and to pray! To cut away the desire to be high, instead to increase, flow, and give up the ego. Embrace this lamb unto dizziness and happiness with great rejoicing.

Our Lord is our father; benefactor, cherisher, sustainer; teacher. He is the blooming freshness; the blossom-time, and the fruit. We entreat him to enter, to lead, and to bear us up during our trials.

O ye light and darkness, bless the Lord: praise and exalt him above all for ever.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

I wrote a lengthy response defending myself and my statements before finally stopping and deleting the entire thing. The person's comment was correct.

In Liber LXI vel Causae, we are told to expose our own illusions. My illusion was I thought I was one thing and after some inner digging I discovered I was not what I thought. I accepted the lie of who I pretended to be. I am not who I pretend to be. I did not like it and it hurt my pride. My pride was built upon an illusion. Like the tower it came down.

I am not a courageous person. I am not a rugged individual. I do not do whatever I want and say to hell with anyone else as I pretend outwardly to the world.

I am a fearful person. I care what others think of me. I base much of my self worth on what others think of me. If they do not like me then I will not like myself. I hide my thoughts, beliefs, and activities from others because I am afraid they will not accept me. I am afraid of what the consequences might be. I do not like hiding my thoughts, beliefs, and activities from others because I restrict myself from what I can and cannot do or say when others are present. I am more afraid of the possible consequences of exposing myself than any benefits I might obtain. I have a constant background paranoia that at any moment I may be discovered. If I share I might not be accepted and then I would not accept myself. That last statement is a little over the top, but more or less true.

Additionally, in Liber LXI vel Causae, we are told to overcome our own obstacles. My obstacle is to accept myself in isolation from anyone else.