SexIs Subjective: The Separation of Church and State...When it suits us.

At 14 years old, I thought the government was never going to let me marry another woman...At 21, I'm fighting a battle to allow myself, my friends, and my family to marry who they want--a battle of human rights that shouldn't even be an issue.

Growing up, I struggled a lot with my sexuality. I felt pressured to conform to either being "gay" or "straight" and for that reason, I "flip-flopped" between sexualities several times throughout my teenage years. For several of those years, I considered myself a lesbian and having always been moderately thoughtful about sexuality, when I "came out" I almost immediately began to consider the implications of my (new found) sexuality regarding marriage. Because gay marriage was only just becoming an issue at the time, I felt that if I didn't change my views on marriage that I had no hope of ever being able to get married. Mentally, I shifted from being the type of person that considered marriage to be an enormously important ceremony involving a number of legal documents to someone who felt that marriage itself transcended the legal process. In other words, I learned to believe that you could "be married" without ever signing a document or stepping inside a courthouse. At 14 years old, I felt that the government was never going to afford me the right to marry who I chose and that therefore the only logical thing to do was to redefine marriage for myself.

As I grew up, I learned that the "issue" with gay marriage isn't quite that simple of course. There are legal implications behind the government refusing to allow people to marry--and in situations where a family is less than accepting of their child's sexuality, these legal repercussions can cause a multitude of issues for same-sex couples.

Today my beliefs have evolved even further and I admit that I feel very strongly about the "issue" of gay marriage. While marriage itself can have a religious undertone, any marriage that involves legal documents immediately becomes a government institution as well. Throughout school it is emphasized to us that our government, for a variety of very valid reasons, functions on the principal of the separation of church and state. I believe that homosexuality is truly not a moral issue in that it does not directly physically or mentally harm another person (any more than cursing in public or wearing a rude shirt does) and that therefore the only reason "gay marriage" can be debated is entirely religious. Since our country was founded with an emphasis on the separation of church and state, this makes any argument against gay marriage completely irrelevant in my eyes. I truly believe that the incorporation of same-sex marriage into our country should not even be up for debate. The reality is that even though you may dislike something or feel that it's inappropriate or even against your beliefs...No religious belief should ever affect the legal rights of any other human being.

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Comments

there is no separation of church and state. the legal issues of being denied a govt. recognized marriage is something that many people are not aware of. my ex-"wife" and i had to spend alot of money and time to have legal documents drawn up to give us as much protection and legitimacy as possible. there are many legal issues that are absolutely unattainable without a state and federal recognition however. and if the relationship ends, it's just as expensive to undo all the paperwork as it is to get a divorce. i have known so many couples that didn't even realize what they needed to do to be able to do such important things as visit their partner in the hospital, much less make medical decisions. no matter how accepting family is, NEVER assume that you are going to get respect when it really matters. and unfortunately even when you are prepared legally things can still be contested. without the papers we had done if i had ended up incapacitated, my parents would of been my next of kin. people i hadn't spoke to in years would of been able to come in and deny her even being able to see me much less allow the person who truly knew me to make decisions if i was unable to.

@Storm Elliott - Your story is exactly the point I was trying to make. It's horrible how difficult it is to obtain basic legal rights in a relationship because of your gender! If the government is going to be involved (and due all the technicalities of our legal & health systems, it almost has to be), then marriage should be, for legal purposes, a strictly legal process. And in that situation, it's not the law's job to decide who I can or cannot marry: only to give me (or you!) the rights I deserve.

I'm sorry to hear what a mess things were for you... I really hope that in the next 10 years, stories like yours will disappear as more and more states allow gay marriage.

Author

I'm a 21 year old college student living and working in the Brilliantly Boring Midwest. I major in English and Computer Science and I'm thrilled about my swiftly approaching graduation. I spend most of my time online--and I have a sex drive that rivals most men I know! I love trying out new toys, learning about new things, and being adventurous.

Never hesitate to message me with questions or just to get to know me! I'd love to talk to you--and don't worry if I don't respond for a day or two; I'm a busy gal. I'll get there though, I promise!