Tuesday, June 30, 2009

"Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" Review

Ignore the wet tendril snaking its way down your neck, it's only your liquidized brain. "Transformers 2" is only half way over; you won't need it anyway.

"Revenge of the Fallen" is huge, loud, and meaningless. After an entirely overlong and comparatively jokey first act, the endless string of Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robot level fight sequences will beat your consciousness within an inch of its tolerance. Your eyes will glaze over, unfocus. Is director Michael Bay an artist, a con artist, or a hypnotist? Is there some deeper creative implication behind the trivialization of human (and I guess robot) worth? It's unclear how many people die in the film, but there is a clear lack of sympathy, or even fetishistic pathos to the destruction. What transpires enters and leaves the frame leaving no impression on its viewer whatsoever.

The film is in turns harmlessly dumb summer action fare, and more troublingly numbing and nonsensical. It's an impenetrable spectacle, a two and a half hour kaleidoscope shifting every permutation of guns, metal, and girls. Bay is a hypnotist, but not akin to, say, Godfrey Reggio, the director of the non-narrative documentary "Koyaanisqatsi," but rather a figure unparalleled in filmmaking for his ability to induce a disconnected vegetative state amidst flying iron fist fights, interplanetary espionage, and rippling firestorms.

The film feels in many ways as though it takes place during one continuous explosion. There are maybe fifteen minutes of hard plot that get stretched, slow-moed, doubled back, and reiterated over the course of the film, and still come out making something less than sense because our protagonists, Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) and Mikaela Banes (Megan Fox) are being hurried from set piece to set piece faster than the speed of logic.

Worst of all, "Transformers" is not only desensitizing, but is a dangerous template for future "family" action films. The colorful characters and the innocent source material make it seem a safe bet for little Joey, but the film earns its PG-13 rating and then some. There's an unspoken sexual frustration behind the joke writing, explicitly of the most juvenile variety, which I suppose, when examined, fits well with the overall aesthetic, given that the film is little more than a 200 million dollar realization of a thirteen year old's classroom doodles.

There's nothing remotely resembling substance in the picture, and the mind-meltingly repetitive action choreography coupled with the ludicrous running time (its biggest fault) prevent the film from passing even as pure fluff.

But ultimately, these criticisms can be applied generally to the modern blockbuster, and perhaps it's somewhat unfair that "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" happens to be the vehicle to weather the brunt of them. It's just as intellectually flaccid as last month's "Terminator Salvation," but if the box office numbers are any indication, it has much broader commercial appeal. It's an easy punching bag because it exemplifies so many of problems with films of its kind, and after a retrospectively decent first installment, there's no justification for how stupid and stupefying the film is.

So when the credits finally roll and you pinch your temples as you stand up to leave, just be sure not to slip on your brain on the way out.

About Us

Colin George

Captain & Host

Colin graduated from film school into a world shockingly devoid of film-related jobs. He makes the best of this curious anomaly by lending his expertise to the internet. God help this poor, misguided fool.

Brian Crawford

Local Favorite

The Kremlin with gremlins named Melvin/ Who all want to be local fave/ Were sent to the grave/ For they misbehaved/ And I was given the title.

Kevin Mauer

Studio Manager

Kevin is a guy. He likes reading, writing, and reading about writing, but he HATES writing about reading. He also likes movies and is quite prone to watching films.

Jonathan Mauer

Adventurer Extraordinaire

After spending six months hiking the Appalachian Trail, normal life is dull by comparison. Jonathan wards off the dulldrums as a cash register jockey for the populous chain REI, working the third shift at QVC, and watching TV shows (that may or may not be Law and Order) while probably drinking excessive amounts of alcohol (with or without Suman). Sometimes he writes and takes pictures.

Suman Allakki

Knucklehead

Suman has inhabited six countries, is not a citizen of the US, but IS a licensed pilot. Suman can be found watching bad movies on Xbox (via Sonic's Netflix account), running marathons, drinking excessive amounts of water, and avoiding the law. Currently moving back to glorious Princeton, NJ.

Sonic Kim

Co-host (when applicable)

A pseudo student in Drexel University's Film and Video program, Francisco Sonic (yes, that's his real middle name) Kim is currently taking a hiatus from film school to, well, make films. Sometimes he says funny things.

Tyler Drown

Friend of the Show

Tyler Drown was born some time ago and learned to be cool through hard work and perseverance. One day he realized some films are more enjoyable and better made than others. In 2009 he was granted a degree in International Business and Entrepreneurship and a minor in World History & Politics. Fresh from Amman, Jordan, Tyler is now making a life for himself in New York City.

Brian Johanson

Big Apple Corespondent

Some call him haggard. Others, a demon in the sack. To some he is known as the guy watching them sleep as he mutters to himself. But most people just call him Brian.

Maggie Ruder

nth Timer

Maggie does a wicked good impression of a filmmaker. Currently she works as the Design Director of the Philadelphia Film Society/Festival, as well as doing graphic, environmental and production design for various organizations in and around Philadelphia. She enjoys free paper samples, reading in the hammock and long walks in third world countries. Maggie will be in the Philippines for the next year working for the art department of a feature film.

Sometimes she presses buttons and turns knobs when Micah isn't around. Other times she is suckered into hosting when everyone else is busy. When not dwelling on how woefully poor she is, Laura spends her time playing with her parrot, teaching herself about podcasting, and delving into the wonderful world of post sound.

Micah Haun

Master of Sound

When he isn't making sweet animations or foul comments about Apple products, Micah is commander of the Almighty Firepod, keeping voices from peaking, volume from rising, and our love of films from getting just a little bit TOO loud.