Blood spills out into the street, accompanied by life. How can this happen, they scream Their voices echo into the starry night above. ‘Because,’ the stars return, ‘your souls are dark. And without My light, they fester.’

Dear Amazon.com, Selling Modern Warfare 2 for $59.99 on Cyber-Monday is not a “special deal”. Everywhere sells it for $59.99, every day. You’ve just sold it for normal price. Does this sort of thing ever work?

I often wonder if turkeys fear Thanksgiving. If, when September rolls around, they begin to sweat. They look at a calendar, their eyes glazing over. They look into the future, and all they see is a roaster. I think about this sort of thing a lot. And then I put the piece of turkey in … Continue reading “On Thanksgiving…”

I sometimes wish I had horns on my face. Not for some religious reason, or anything. I just think it would be awesome to walk down the street and hear everyone say, “Hey, that guy has horns on his face.”