Hi everyone. This is the next in the Shining Light series co-written with Yoda_Fan. This is set several years later than the others.

Title: The Life of a Jedi
Author: Yoda_Fan and Imzadi
Rating: PG 13 (possibly M)
Warnings: This story contains more violence than the others, some may find parts a little yucky.

Summary: Obi-Wan deals with the first time he ends someones life.

Archive: Please ask
Disclaimer: All Star Wars characters and information belong to Mr. George Lucas. This is fan fiction, we made no money.

Authors' Notes: We'd like to thank Jane Jinn and Kalypso for betaing.

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Jedi Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi sat in a huddled form in the now abandoned market place on Talan. Around him lay the bodies of several Talanians; their only crime had been attending the early morning markets. Alone, the fourteen-year-old boy buried his head in his hands and began to weep as he rocked himself back and forth. He was trying unsuccessfully to soothe himself with the movement.

?How could this happen?? he thought to himself. ?Things like this aren?t supposed to happen.?

Beside him sat his lightsaber. The weapon he had only received a few years ago, discarded. Soon, emergency transports arrived, their sirens blaring. However the sound did not register with Obi-Wan, he continued to sit weeping, rocking himself. The authorities set about aiding the wounded and collecting the dead.

Occasionally one would stop by him, seeing the wound in his shoulder, but he would wave them away. Nothing they could do would ease his pain.

?This wasn?t supposed to happen,? he repeated in his mind once again.

//Padawan? Padawan, where are you?// came the concerned voice of his Master in his mind. As much as Obi-Wan wanted to ignore the situation, he knew he couldn?t do so forever, his Master was worried about him.

//Here, Master,// he replied, allowing his Master to sense his presence. Almost immediately Qui-Gon appeared on the other side of the market place. Obi-Wan didn?t see him; his head still buried in his hands. He continued to rock himself until he felt a large hand resting on his shoulder.

Looking up he saw the sad face of his Master as the tall man crouched in front of him. Saying nothing, Obi-Wan briefly met his gaze before sobs overtook him again, racking his small form. Lowering himself beside his student, Qui-Gon enveloped him in a comforting embrace. He realised Obi-Wan was in shock and called over a medic.

Ignoring the medic entirely, Obi-Wan continued to sob into his Master?s tunic. He had lost what little semblance of his control remained. He couldn?t stop crying even if he wanted to. At the moment he didn?t care who saw him. Usually Obi-Wan tried hard not to cry in front of people, especially his Master. But none of that mattered to him now.

Assessing his condition, the medic decided to give Obi-Wan a sedative before taking him to a nearby hospital to treat his wound. Obi-Wan didn?t even flinch as the needle was inserted; however he did notice, and briefly looked down at his arm. As the fluid filled his veins, he looked up at his Master with tear filled eyes. ?This wasn?t supposed to happen,? he said before slumping unconscious against his Master.

?I know Padawan. Everything will be fine,? he whispered in response. Looking around him the Jedi Master?s heart wrenched. His Padawan was too young to experience something like this. In a perfect galaxy no one would experience this. As he helped the medic place Obi-Wan on a stretcher, Qui-Gon spotted his apprentice?s lightsaber on the ground. Picking it up, he clipped it on his own belt.

?Everything will be fine Padawan,? he thought sadly as he looked down at Obi-Wan now secured on an emergency transport. ?I?ll make sure of it,? he vowed to himself.

Obi-Wan had never been in the thick of such a violent and destructive situation without Qui-Gon at his side. Qui-Gon thought of his apprentice seeing such things and shuddered. Obi-Wan was right, this wasn?t supposed to happen.

You know I realy hate those poor helpless lettes TBC, poor letter get such a bad rep, particularly when people like you use them when leaving us at such precarious spots. how could you?! I sure hope you post again soon. poor obi, what happened that shouldn't of, why wasn't mater Jinn there and aand and... please post soooooooon!

Hours later, in Obi-Wan?s hospital room, Qui-Gon kept a vigil by his Padawan?s bed. The injury had been worse than expected and he had required surgery. The doctors assured Jinn that he would be fine. However, Qui-Gon would not rest until he had seen it with his own eyes.

Seated by the bed, Qui-Gon watched his apprentice intently with his piercing blue eyes. If Obi-Wan made any move, he would know it. He thought to himself about how unnecessary it was, it did not sway him though. Reaching for his Padawan?s hand he gently placed it in own. Instantly he could feel Obi-Wan squeezing it as he woke from his drug induced slumber.

//Master?// he called through the force, not yet regaining full consciousness.

//I?m here Padawan. You?re safe,// he replied as Obi-Wan?s green eyes began to open and blink. Slowly turning his head, he met his Master?s gaze.

?What??? the question was cut short when it was answered as the memory of the morning invaded his mind. Attempting to roll over to avoid his Master?s watchful eyes, Obi-Wan let out a small whimper. Not so much from the physical pain as the distress the memories caused.

?It?s alright Obi-Wan. There is no need to be ashamed of your emotions,? Qui-Gon soothed, attempting to encourage his Padawan to turn back to face him. However Obi-Wan made no move as tears pricked his eyes.

?Padawan, it?s alright,? he continued, rising to sit on the side of his apprentice?s bed. Gently he smoothed Obi-Wan?s hair as the teenager started to weep. His Padawan?s obvious distress concerned him greatly. Obi-Wan had seen death before, but he had never reacted like this. This was different, not only had he been alone, but there was also something more. Qui-Gon could sense it.

?I should have been there,? Jinn thought to himself. Qui-Gon continued to sit with Obi-Wan until the boy eventually cried himself back to sleep. This worried Qui-Gon greatly.

Later that evening one of the doctors came by to check on Obi-Wan. Apparently he was healing rather well, and would be able to leave in the morning for their return trip to the Temple. Qui-Gon knew that although Obi-Wan would need to make regular trips to the healers once there, he also knew his apprentice would infinitely prefer to be at home. The thought brought a brief smile to the Master?s face. Home. That?s definitely what they both needed.

The next day, Qui-Gon settled Obi-Wan into his bed on board the transport that would take them make to Coruscant. Due to his recovery the boy slept almost the entire journey home, a full two days. When they arrived at the Temple, Qui-Gon walked beside his groggy Padawan as they returned to their shared quarters. Immediately, Obi-Wan went into his room and flopped on the bed. Qui-Gon knew the journey from the transport had been tiring, so he decided to unpack in the morning.

?I?ll be just outside if you need anything Padawan,? Jinn assured him, waiting until his apprentice?s eyelids drooped before leaving. Their quarters were nothing luxurious, two moderately sized bedrooms, a main sitting room with a dining table off to one side, a kitchen, and a refresher. Never the less it served their purpose and both were grateful to be home.

Outside in the common room, Qui-Gon sat preparing his report for the council on the incident. He still felt guilty about allowing his apprentice to attend the markets on his own. He remembered how Obi-Wan had pleaded with him, saying that he wanted to buy something. Next time he would not be so easily swayed.

He continued to write the report, including all the information he had received from the Talanian authorities. Apparently a lone man had opened fire with a blaster. From what the investigators had told him, and what little information Obi-Wan had given him, Qui-Gon knew his apprentice had deflected a blaster bolt back to him. Soon after the man had died. Little more was know, but an investigation was proceeding. Concluding the report, the Jedi Master settled on the floor for some much needed meditation.

Emersing himself in the soothing currents of the Force, Qui-Gon reached out with his senses. First he reached out to his apprentice, and found him as he had expected, in a troubled sleep. Although Qui-Gon knew it was expected, his heart wrenched at the emotions he sensed from the fourteen year old boy. In his room, Obi-Wan twisted and turned in his bed, writhing at the images in his mind.

***
Bodies were strewn everywhere; the blood pooled around him making the ground too slick to stand.

In his haste to escape the scene before him he slipped.

Blood. Blood on his tunic now. Blood on his knees. Blood on his hands.

He tried to stand, but slipped again. Holding his hands out he trembled as he saw the crimson liquid dripping from them. Where was it all coming from?

Where?

Oh Force. The man.

The man he had shot and killed. His body lay a few strides away. Obi-Wan looked up.

He wasn't dead. He was looking at him, his face twisted in an accusing stare.

Obi-Wan stared, unable to tear his eyes from the other's angry countenance.
Enraged eyes shifted. The man glared at Obi-Wan's bloody hands, then his steely eyes met the young boys, piercing his soul.

Quickly, Obi-Wan tried to wipe off his hands. He tried to remove the blood
that clung to them like a second skin. He scrubbed them against his tunic,
but his hands would not come clean.

Oh Force, his hands wouldn't come clean.

"Obi-Wan." He heard the voice of his Master. Oh no. He'd see the blood. No.
No, no, no.

"Obi-Wan." He scrubbed harder. He had to get if off. The blood was all over
him now. Why wouldn't it come off?

"Obi-Wan," his Master?s voice called again from far in the distance. Looking up in search of his Master, Obi-Wan found nothing but the man before him. Unable to take the accusing stare Obi-Wan screamed.

Suddenly, it was dark. He screamed again, bolting upright without realising
that he'd ever been lying down.

"Shh, Padawan. You're safe now. You're safe." He was encircled in something soft and warm. Master? Yes, those were his Master's arms around him. He felt himself being gently rocked and he blinked in confusion, gasping to get his breath back.

Finally realising where he was, Obi-Wan relaxed against his Master. He let out a hiccupping sigh and pressed his cheek against Qui-Gon's broad chest.
"M-Master..."

"I'm here, Padawan. I'm here," came the whispered voice of comfort. But there was something more. Sorrow? He sensed sorrow coming from the man who had become his father.

"Master?" He whispered.

"Shh, Padawan. Just relax now."

Concerned, Obi-Wan drew back, focusing his gaze on his mentor's face.

Tears.

Obi-Wan's heart dropped into his stomach. His Master eyes were filled with unshed tears.

Seeing his astonishment, Qui-Gon smiled gently and brought one hand up to
take a quick swipe at his face before wrapping his arms around his apprentice again. "It hurts to see you like this Padawan."

Qui-Gon must have seen the confusion in his apprentice's eyes. "I'm going to make some tea, and then we'll talk, okay?" He seemed to hesitate, as if waiting for his Padawan's approval.

And Obi-Wan gave it. "Okay," he answered softly, leaning back to disentangle himself from his Master's arms.

"I'm going to turn on the light. Ready?" Obi-Wan almost smiled, remembering the many times his Master had come to wake him in the mornings, brutally throwing back the curtains to let the bright sunlight stream into the room and sting his sleepy eyes. He often teased Obi-Wan about his sleeping habits. But tonight was different.

"Yeah," he answered, squeezing his eyes shut and preparing himself for the pain that bright light brings to eyes that are fully adjusted to darkness.

He heard a soft click and gradually let his eyes open to find his room bathed in the soft glow of his tiny desk lamp. And there, towering over the desk was his Master, sleep clothes rumpled, eyes red and still glittering with tears.
"I'll get the tea," he said, offering a lopsided smile.

loved the imagery. It gives us a clear indication of what obi's feeling hope Qui-Gon can help with it. Thanks for the posts. I'll try not to lurk... but I really do like this story even if I forget to tell you sometimes...

After his Master left the room, Obi-Wan scooted back to sit up against the wall, and brought his knees up to his chest. The memory of the dream was still so fresh, he was afraid to look at his hands. After a taking a few minutes to gather his courage, he brought his hands up in front of him. Turning them slowly, he examined them in the dim light. No blood.

He sighed in relief.

In the kitchen, Qui-Gon quickly set a small pot of water to heat and reached for the tea bags. As he rummaged through the cupboards in search of clean mugs, he couldn't help but worry about his apprentice.

The Jedi Master had seen enough of Obi-Wan's dream to understand what had happened. Obi-Wan was feeling an immense guilt about having taken the life the terrorist in the market place. Normally, he wouldn't have been able to sense more than the basic emotions his apprentice experienced while he dreamt, but tonight the dream had been so intense he'd been practically broadcasting it.

Qui-Gon sighed. He knew that the young boy's nightmare had been a gross exaggeration of reality. The man had been killed by a deflected blaster bolt. The heat of blaster fire cauterized the wound, making it impossible for someone to bleed as much as Obi-Wan had seen in the dream. And he knew from the reports that the man had been wounded in such a way that he'd died instantly. It was obvious that the guilt Obi-Wan felt was causing his mind to distort the reality of what had happened, making it even more traumatizing for the young boy.

Hearing the low whistle of the teapot, Qui-Gon shook himself out of his thoughts and finished preparing the tea. Qui-Gon stood in the shadow of the doorway for a second before entering Obi-Wan's room. His breath caught in his throat when he saw his young apprentice huddled on his bed with his back to the wall, turning his trembling hands over in the light as if he was afraid of what he'd see. Seeing the young boy so vulnerable and afraid brought fresh tears to the Jedi Master's eyes. Quickly blinking them back couldn't help but think, 'I should have been there. This should never have happened.'

Qui-Gon entered the room carrying two steaming mugs. Handing one to his
apprentice, the Jedi Master settled beside his apprentice on the bed. Obi-Wan sipped the amber liquid letting the blend of honey and cinnamon swirl in his mouth before sliding down his throat. He sighed and relaxed further, inhaling the sweet sent of warm honey as the steam curled up around his nose.