Think I'll just lie there with my eyes shut

Feel so sick this morning. In 2 hours I have to have another V scan to confirm what we already know...there is no heart beat. Only one doctor could confirm it on BH Monday so another has to look today. More poker faces and silence. Ukg. Wish they could just hit a button on the scanner and this all just stops x

Glad to hear they were all nice and you didn't have to look. It's also good that you won't have to wait too long for the ERPC. I am hoping that I will be booked in quickly as I also don't feel I can grieve or move on until then. I am also struggling withDH as he is just acting like all is normal and that I should be too. How can I be normal when my body feels anything but?

Sorry to hear struggling with DH, I guess he's thinking that if he acts like business as usual then he's being strong for you, whilst dying on the inside. Men are complicated beasts aren't they. Mine can do no right whatever but I keep apologising!

Sorry for the shitty situation you and Surreylass are in this week Tomcat. I had a mmc a few years ago, I tried to wait for it to come away but it didn't and ended up in hosp for a day taking the drugs. Not. Nice. You are right to go for the ERPC and as soon as. It shortens this horrid limbo and you can start grieving properly.

In a few weeks/months ring and talk to the midwife counsellor. I did, I did nothing but cry on her but it really did help, the only time I have talked to a counsellor. Good luck for friday.

Hey umbongo, it's such a crap decision to make isn't it. Hope I have chosen the one that enables my body and mind to heal as soon as.

My doctor called me this evening, having received hospital confirmation of MC. Omg, I was so so touched. You know how GP's can be crap...well she really cared and has signed me off work for 2 weeks minimum so that I can get my self together. I asked her if she'd been through this and she said yes. It's alarmed me lately just how many people suffer this terrible loss.

Bought a lovey lavender plant thing that I am determined to keep alive, despite my track record. In the pot We've put a rainbow coloured garden windmill/spinner with 6 bright petals on it, one for every week of Life that we knew. It's nice watching it spin in the breeze.

Noahsmummy, it's almost Thursday. Soon be Friday. Hang on in there my lovely. Xx

It's Thursday now and tomorrow is Friday! What a difference a week makes this time last week I was excited for my 12 week scan the next day and turning 12 weeks and we were planning on announcing our news, This week I have a broken heart and am wanting a scan so that I can be offered an ERPC as soon as possible so that I can start to move on a little (after a week to think I think that is the best option for me) I wonder if my hospital will offer a weekend appointment like yours I would prefer not to have another weekend in limbo I will prepare myself for it though just incase.

That was lovely of your GP. It is alarming how many people have been through it .

Morning, I know, there is no way of making sense of any of this yet so don't even try. I'm sure your hospital will offer you a weekend apt if they can. They gave me Friday and sat option on Day procedure unit or the Sunday list via theatres and ward admission. The sun option would have been friendlier but I would also be next to women in for termination!! Err no cheers!

How's DH today? Hope the sun is shining where you are. It helps me. And dear little Noah. Bet he's had lots more squeezes this week. Don't think you can love them anymore do you, but this week I've felt extra blessed to have my 6yo and have spoilt him rotten!

Oh dear. Tension running a little too high in this house tonight. Just had a fight over where some furniture is going to go. Stomach cramping like anything, am praying that bean stays put overnight as dont think I can go thru anymore and just want this op so can move on.

God life's a bitch sometimes. Can hear DH crying in the kitchen. Wish I could comfort him but feeling so wound up right now :-(

Yeah grab him and hold him as tight as you can for as long as you need. Our DS is full of questions. He knows mummy's tummy hurts right now and he asked if he could give it a kiss to make me feel better. Love that boy.

Glad it's an early scan for you. Push for weekend surgery if you can. We have to be there at 7. Am scheduled for the morning list so can be anytime from then on until about midday I think. DPU told me earlier that they have single sex wards to DH can't even be with me. They said they'd try and sort a side room. I'm like yes I think you'd better!!

Will be thinking of you in the morning. Sending you all the strength in the world xxx