There were many proud Bostonians who helped guide the United States of America to greatness, but Fate had something fantastic in store for one in particular! Which is good, because he probably wouldn't have managed on his own. Terry recounts the tale of the early American "philosopher" and trade magnate, Timothy Dexter.

In this episode the boys talk about McCarthyism and it brings the worst out in them: Caleb gets drunk and violent, Terry exploits his position as host for personal gain, and Mike submits to Sexual Mania.

Who are the Phoenicians and why should I give a shit? Well, Caleb and Mike tell you that if it weren’t for these rag-tag Mediterranean traders we wouldn’t know anything today. It’s as easy as A, B, C. But in this instance A isn’t a vowel. They didn’t get around to vowels.