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3 Ways You’re Pushing Away The Man You Want & Desire

Boost your confidence and get the man you REALLY want !

October 26, 2014

Some times life is stressful and challenging. When you’re not happy at work, with your family, with yourself, friendships or with life in general, it can feel like A MAN could be your answer to feeling better. The one thing that will build your self confidence and make you feel happier.

He could be the one who’ll make you feel happy after dealing with all the stressors in your life.

He could be the one to give you validation and to help build your confidence.

He could be the one to hold you and comfort you when you feel down.

He could cheer you up and give you the excitement you can’t get from your job, from your friends or from your other activities.

Yes, having a man to lean on when the going gets tough can be a huge blessing!

But is a man really the solution to your unhappiness? Or is he just there to fill the void and help you cope? Is it a good idea to enter a relationship when you’re still trying to deal with your own life?

When you go into a relationship unhappy or you become unhappy with your life while in a relationship the following can happen:

You have a partner BUT he may not be suitable for you.

If you’ve decided that what you really need is a man to whisk you away from your boring or unfulfilled life, you may end up rushing into a relationship with the first guy that gives you attention. However, you may not have the same goals and expectations in the relationship. What’s worse is that he may not be willing to handle the issues you refuse to deal with.

He makes you happy BUT this puts a lot of pressure on your relationship.

He’s your means of escaping from the humdrum and dissatisfaction. However, you may eventually end up expecting too much from your relationship. Your relationship should be able to flow, but when you’re constantly expecting it to keep you entertained and excited, your expectations and needs can far outweigh the healthy give and take of lasting and fulfilling relationship.

You’re focused on your partner BUT he may end up feeling smothered.

A man definitely wants to feel important to you and want to be able to make add some pleasure into your life but most men don’t want to be the ONLY thing that makes you feel good. When you’re always in need of his company or his time, he may start to feel like you’re asking too much of him. This would then lead him to back off or even push you away, just so he can have some space to himself.

No one is devoid of experiencing moments of self-doubt, insecurity within themselves and their life direction. People stumble upon challenges – this is life.

There are plenty of people in relatively healthy relationships that do not have all their ducks in a row. Though, what’s important to distinguish is that going into a relationship and hoping a guy is going to be your knight in shining armor is typically riddled with disaster.

By all means date men, but do not date a man in the hope that he will pick up the pieces.

Having a supportive partner is an imperative trait of a healthy relationship, BUT it’s important to discern when you’re expectations or intentions err on the side of unhealthy.

The key is not in finding a man, but in finding the self confidence and self acceptance you need in order to feel good about yourself. Building confidence allows you to have faith in your own skills and abilities, allowing you to love yourself even more.

So how can you build your self confidence without relying on a man or your man too much?

Here are some ways:

Learn something new. Life is all about learning every single day. Get passionate about something in your life. Take a class of interest, practice, and apply what you’ve learned! When people feel down they tend to have lost their sense of self and lack drive. Think about what makes you tick and do more of it (as long as it’s not an addiction). This could be attending a personal development course or learning standup paddle boarding. Learn about you, learn new things and apply these things.

Face the crowd. Meeting new people can often be daunting, especially for introverts and shy types. But when you practice speaking to different people, you start to improve your social skills. You become more confident in your ability to socialize. This skill will definitely come in handy if you’re single and often lack the courage to talk to a guy you like. Also, pay attention to your fears and inner dialogue. Most people think that others may judge them or not like what they have to say. Most of this is made up in our heads and what other people think is none of our business. It’s irrelevant. Who cares? If you like you it won’t bother you.

Know your own strengths and weaknesses. List down a couple of things you’re good at and trust in those abilities. Keep in mind that not everyone has strengths and weaknesses, from Mother Teresa to Richard Branson. And as for your weaknesses, try to improve on them if you can. If you can’t, just remember all the awesome things you’re good at! Knowing yourself, even the parts of yourself that you’re not proud of, can help you attain self acceptance. You then become happy with who you are, and this then leads to building more confidence in yourself.

Take some risks. We must crawl before we can walk. New situations may seem scary at first, but that’s just because we’ve never tried it before or not tried something enough. But in time, you’ll learn that even though something may seem difficult, it only gets easier after the first try. Give it a shot, try something new. You can end up getting disappointed, but you’ll also end up learning a lot of new lessons!

Filling the void of self-doubt with a relationship is a quick fix that might end up unraveling really fast. What you need in order to combat this is a solution that starts from within you. When you improve the way you see yourself, you’re also improving the way other people can see you. And once you’re happy with who you have become, you can then attract a guy who’s more suited to you.

If you’re in a relationship, your newfound confidence and self-worth can transform an average relationship into something more intimate and fulfilling, or you’ll have the courage to walk away from something that does not support the core of you.

Nadine Piat

Nadine is a Professional Coach, Writer, Speaker and the Founder of Healthy You Healthy Love. Nadine's mission is to inspire women to live a life full of love and inner peace!
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MEET NADINE

Nadine Piat

Welcome to HYHL! I'm Nadine Piat and I have one clear mission - to inspire women to break free from the shackles of painful love and to love wholeheartedly with ease. I'm the creator of ‘Healthy You Healthy Love' and 4 world leading online programs that teach women how to effortlessly captivate the very best men, cultivate soulful love, experience bonding and healing physical intimacy, and live a life filled with inner joy and unshakeable confidence.