since I last took a fragment of an orange film. Been altogether clean for 18 months. It has not been a cake walk by any stretch, but it has been worth it even though I definitely deal with a good bit of depression, anxiety and what not still today. One nagging ass thing that I can't figure out is from the time I got clean I have hardly been able to sleep past 6am and that continues today. The good news is if I get to bed at a decent time I usually get 7 hours of ok sleep, but if I go to bed at like 3am I am jumping out of bed anxious at 7am (or earlier) raring to go.

I don't take any medications and will not unless they are absolutely necessary. The sleep thing isn't too big a deal but the depression (I have episodes and people definitely let me know with "what's wrong, you okay??" or "you look MAD AS HELL!") does suck sometimes. At one year I didn't really know what was going on as I was still on a roller coaster of drastic ups and downs, but now things are pretty settled and it seems dealing with some depression is going to be the norm. Shit, if you look around it is the norm for most people anyway, so why fret is how I feel. After years of being either comfortably numb or at least comfortable due to medicating in some way I guess I can accept that feeling like shit sometimes is just a part of life. Sometimes the solution can be as simple as exercise, hiking, going to the beach or just being in some good company.

So anyway, two years and I am not gonna say life is great, but it definitely ain't that bad. I am employed, in pretty good health, and I feel like a fairly sane person on most days. I feel blessed and certainly have a sense of gratitude.

FYI, I was on prescribed sub for about 3-1/2 yrs, methadone on and off for a couple of yrs before that and oxy's, lortabs, etc for 3 or 4 yrs before that.

Your screen name looks familiar, but yeah, it's been a while. Thanks for coming back and updating us, that's great you've been off for 2 years and 18 months totally clean!!!

Like you, I suffered from some blah's and lack of energy for a good while once off Suboxone. I wouldn't necessarily call it depression for me, but it was in the ballpark, I guess. Anyway, I think I was right around 18 months off Suboxone when I started exercising (mostly weight lifting) almost everyday and Holy Wow, what a difference it's made. To this day, I lift regularly and I believe it's responsible for keeping my mood decent and you get the added benefit of being healthy and looking decent.

My sleep still isn't right either. I have a hard time getting to sleep. The way I look at it, if all my years of drug abuse mean I have sleep issues and a couple other minor things, then I got off pretty damn lucky.

Thanks again for coming back and updating.

_________________Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!

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