Plot: The Scarlet Witch is leading the third group currently calling themselves Avengers around by their collective nose, which they don ‘t seem all that upset about even though she came in second only to the Skrulls in the ‘pork marvels credibility in the fudgie’ race.

This gang calls themselves ‘The Mighty Avengers’, presumably to head off getting stuck with the name ‘The shitty Avengers’ which is what they are. Their modus operandi is to fight whatever the Scarlet Witch tells them to fight, even though the last time they say her she was crackers and now she won’t hang around and explain herself. Quicksilver keeps chasing them and claiming to be on the team so he can find out what the hell is going on with his sister, but she keeps disappearing right before he gets there, arousing no ones suspicions, despite the fact that they used to be closer than… they ought to be, I guess. Especially in the Ultimately Crappy universe, but that’s another story. Meanwhile, Norman Osborn has convened a meeting of the ‘Cabal’, which is the ‘dark’ version of Tony Starks ‘Illuminati’ which is only interesting in that both are useless, contrived plot devices thought up by Bendis to redefine the Marvel Universe the way the Mormons redefined Obama’s Mom’s religion. Both the ‘Might Avengers’ and the ‘Cabal’ are being manipulated by Loki, who is currently a chick with huge boobs., I guess because this book is written with eleven year old boys in mind. Hey, Marvel! Here’s a marketing idea! Change EVERYONE to chicks with big boobs. It couldn’t hurt.

Review: Jesus Toast. Over the years the various Avengers books have been everything from pretty damn great to not at all worth reading, but with the possible exception of the Great Lakes Avengers, they have never been this ridiculous. Lets look at our line up. Hank Pym, now the boy wasp (Give him some boobs, please!) Jarvis , elevated from his prior tea bringer role to the status of advice giving tea bringer. Stature, who along with wining the dumbest marvel hero name has the exact same powers as the boy wasp but has boobs, Teen Vision, US Agent for the love of god who has never been anything more than Guy Gardner in a black cap suit but written worse, Hercules the ill defined man god in a skort, Jocasta the robot wasp who does NOTHING (but does have shiny boobs) and Amadeus, a smart kid filling in the Rick Jones seat who has no purpose. Oh, wait. When ‘Stature’ points out that she and Teen Vision are already on a team, he gets to say “If Wolverine can be on three teams at the same time then you can be on two.” So I guess he’s the voice of reason. He’s pointing out that marvel is overflowing with sloppy, confusing, ill considered continuity or lack thereof, so what the fuck.

Here’s another question. Norman Osborn’s roots are as a Spider-Man Villain, right? Not that I think he can’t do other things, but what’s with his Single White Female fixation on Iron Man? He’s wearing an Iron Man suit, he’s the head of the new Shield and like that wasn’t enough, now he has his own parallel Illuminati. Because why? Is he going to grow a mustache now and join AA?

This book was a slog, I ONLY finished it so I could talk about it with you. I think you owe me some extra strength Tylenol. Or Morphine. Or maybe just shoot me in the head.

Overall rating: (Scored on a 0.5 - 5 pickles rating: 0.5 being the worst and 5 being the best)

Reader Comments

They created an evil version of the Marvel's Illuminati? I thought the originals were pretty damn amoral to begin with!

And there is not once person on this team, not a single one, that anyone gives a rat's rectum about. Usually when they want to occupy some of their worthless characters they stick them on a team with one or two big stars so that people may actually buy the book. Just hearing the lineup of this book makes me uninterested in buying it except to line my cat's litterbox.

Yeah, these guys are worse than the GLA. At least they know they suck. And they have Squirrel Girl. One Squirrel Girl is worth a hundred Hank Pyms.

Seriously, if they ever want their upcoming Ant Man movie to fly, they had better find a way to redeem him soon. Iron Man is a fascist alcoholic, and he got to be head of SHIELD. But all anyone knows about Hank is that he beat his wife (who, as a much more capable superhero than him, should have simply beat back), so he gets to be the Butt Monkey of the entire Marvel Universe.

It's not often I drop something from my pull-list, but I gave up on this title around #19. I just got really annoyed at this assemblage of crappy characters - and they call ME B-list? There's also the weary issue of the Hulk and the Witch, who are essentially mass-murderers, returning to duty as heroes while no-one bats an eyelid. The funny thing is, there are some reviewers extolling this title as "classic Avengers fun" - that's wrong on so many levels.

On the other hand, I really like the Cabal thing myself. Did you see the "Cabal" one-shot, Max? It was pretty damn good for an anthology; and certainly had the best Doom story I've read in ages.

What the hell is up with Hank Pym? Seriously. He's had a thousand superhero personae over the years (Giant Man, Ant Man, Goliath, Yellowjacket, Wasp, etc.) Why? No one cares about him so why do they have to confusingly change his freaking name every year? I'm not saying that he'd have become super popular if he'd just stuck with one but he'd certainly have had a better chance of at least being recognizable outside of the comics.

I have to agree with Alcibiades. Hank Pym needs to die. Nevermind having a thousand different superhero names, he's just a dick. I mean, seriously, even when everyone turned into zombies and ate their friends and loved ones, who was the biggest asshole of the Marvel universe? Hank fucking Pym. I don't know what Joe Quesada is thinking. I mean, it's morally wrong for Spiderman to get divorced, but it's okay for Hank to beat his wife? It's okay for the Hulk to kill a bunch of people? Incest is okay? What the hell? I'm not saying comics should hold the moral high ground, I'm just saying it's a little inconsistant.
Morality aside, the Mighty Avengers just sounds like a horrible idea right from the start. Aside from Hank, we've got Hercules, who I don't think is that bad; US Agent, a cheap Captain America rip-off no one cares about; Scarlet Witch, who has a fetish for robots and family members (great leadership qualities); Teen Vision, who... okay, who the fuck is Teen Vision? Anyhoo, the butler is also on the team now, 'cus why the fuck not, and there's a really smart kid (never seen that before) and finally, Stature. Let's talk about her. Do we need a female version of Pym? Do we need someone with a name that stupid? Do we need this shitty-ass comic? No. Want a good comic? Try the Fall of Cthulu (I liked it).

Let me say just this about the recent thread. Marvel kills off one of the most unsung staples of the marvel universe (Wasp) just to make a plot line of the most loser worst written characters in comics who BEAT her and was constantly crazy? Who keeps this guy around at the expense of one of the most underused characters of the MU? Oh and the BLOB EATS(!) her in the other "line" in the same year. Never thought I'd call this... but.. "Women in Refrigerators"... Get with the times people, or if your market is teen boys.. think of what you're saying to them. Pick one. Or both. Either way you're out of touch.

First off this is all Loki.Its going to be spinned, probably retconed in a way only Quesada could allow (Quesadaconed? Can we coin a term here? or name a Decepticon?), that some how Loki had every thing to do with Wanda's children and her going crazy, orchestrating a long, painfully drawn out, plan to take over the earth while Odin's dead and Thor sits up in Asgard playing with his Odinforce. Since all this initially happened before any thing about Thor and the Odinforce happened it makes even less sense, but who's Marvel to complain if it makes their story work, right? Basically they're going to find a way to blame every year long event, and every one that's died or has been taken out of play in them,on Loki.

second problem is with the blame it on Loki thing.. somehow we're going to be egged into a year long fight with Loki.. or somehow one between Earth and Thor(w/the Asgardians) because of Loki..oh and I'm sure Odin will find a way to come back, no one stays dead.. or worse (depending on how we look at it.) Thor will find it fit to use the Odin force to completely reboot 616, which for Spider-man would be really redundant and sad.

Third is even if it's Loki in a Wanda suit, who'd want to follow her? Not only is she supposed to be nutszoid but the last time she lead a team (Forceworks) Wonderman died on the first mission.. Not exactly leadership quality credentials right there.. Maybe these guys are really really bored, or just so useless, and need something to do so following a crazy woman seems like fun? I don't know.

Forth, she's been seen on the cover of New Avengers #51, so that means shes up for a chance to take Dr. Strange's spot as sorcerer supreme.. 10-1 she gets the spot, which will be either very very sad, or only mildly interesting. She's shown that shes, retardedly, one of the most powerful reality benders out there. I bet Doc Strange becomes her life coach.

Quicksilver needs to die as much as the Witch does. Maybe someone could go back in time and make magneto drown him like an unwanted puppy or something cause he's as big of a lunatic as his sister is.. Sociopath mutant race rebuilder one year, Wearing a really old costume and claiming to be an Avenger again another. Boy needs to be given the DC treatment. What do I mean? So many people in DC have lost the use of their legs.. catch me?

Mr. Hank "the wife-beater" Pym.. A man who even steals the credibility of many Italian, and red-neck, males favorite clothing item.. Why Marvel keeps forcing him on us is beyond my belief. No one's ever cared for him. Shit, even The Wasp really didn't care THAT much about him overall. His codename ADD is enough to make me wish that Ultimate Blob would make a freaky crossover and bite his head off too just cause he has more meat on him then the sometimes Asian Ultimate Wasp.

Dude literally created half the team he has now, WHY? Because no one else will/should work with him? Sure. Because he could? Doubtful. Because he's just as batshit as the Scarlet Witch? YES! This is the sorta types Loki likes to work with, look at Mr. (duel) Personality Osborn.

My other problem with Hank is the fact that I can see him having some sort of hand in this. Like he might know something more then he's being written to let on. Man's been a traitor, what, a handful of times already? Who's to say he isn't doing it again? That's another reason why I don't understand the heroes in 616, they keep letting him live and even worse they keep letting him on teams. He's always been out for himself regardless of any thing,He's always been a hero for the wrong reason. I'm seeing him getting his ass kicked for all of it again soon.

Yet another reason why I'm barely reading Marvel these days. Bendis needs a year or two off to rediscover his mojo, after all, he was good once. JQ needs to suck a nuclear dick and fuck right off the planet. Seriously, the last good thing he did was Daredevil: Father. Since then? Big, steaming piles of crap.

The Shitey Avengers may be the lamest team since The Hulk Apologist Squad (or whatever the fuck they called themselves) in WW Hulk.

While I'm bitching about Marvel. Anyone else reading Skarr? WTF is that all about? His mum just pops up to keep an eye on the lad. It's made clear she's always been looking out for him yet when the plot contrivance blew up to set up WW Hulk she didn't even wave goodbye to her insane with grief/rage husband. You'd think she'd at least ask him to stick around and look after the vulnerable, soon-to-be despised and hunted kid.
Fucking lazy writers. I'm sick of bullshit plot twists and retconns just to keep old/redundant characters going. Have the courage to say THE END once in a while then move on and do something different. Stop allowing talent to atrophy by churning out the same stuff year-after-year (I'm looking at you Misters Miller and Bendis, and a wee sideways glance at Mr Morrison).