Saturday, January 30, 2016

It is not the best of times for
Heron. She’s trying to take care of her
late brother’s machine-shop business, but he’s run up so many debts that she
can barely pay the interest on them. To
boot, her teenaged niece, Sepharia, yearns to be free to travel the dangerous streets
of 1st-century Alexandria, and feels Heron is being overly-protective of her.

Heron’s
got her own perils. Since it’s a man’s world, women running businesses is a
no-no. So she is impersonating her late
brother, hoping nobody notices her somewhat slight build and high voice. And there’s the small matter of her
addiction to lotus powder.

But Heron is an inventive sort, and her “magic machines” are in high
demand by the local temples, whose local patrons demand the gods provide miracles
on a regular basis. Well, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.And you can give a priest a mechanical marvel,
but if he’s slow of wit and clumsy while operating it, then the audience goes away
disappointed.

And temples don’t pay for failed miracles.

What’s To Like...

Fires of Alexandria
is the first book in an Alternate History series set in Alexandria, Egypt
around 100 years after the time of Cleopatra and Julius Caesar. The city chafes under Roman rule and its high
taxes, but is reluctant to face the wrath of the still-potent Roman army.

Thomas K. Carpenter presents a gritty picture of everyday life there;
one that includes cussing, torture, fear, drugs, and a myriad of temples
dedicated to a myriad of gods and goddesses, all vying for power and money. I especially enjoyed Carpenter’s keen
insights about the priorities of any religion.

Heron’s
challenges are threefold: somehow raise the money to pay off huge loans her
brother ran up; build war machines for the mysterious, but well-funded Agog; and find out who
was responsible for the fire that heavily damaged the Library of Alexandria almost a century ago. These are all resolved,
but in one-after-another fashion instead of all woven together for a high-tension climax.

I
liked that this is not another “save the library of Alexandria” plotline;
lord knows I’ve red enough of those.
There are also some way-kewl inventions by Heron (safety goggles, a self-trimming oil lamp,
the aeolipile, and quite a few more), a goodly number of which Heron
actually did devise, as detailed by the author in a fascinating “Afterwards” at the end of
the book, and confirmed by the Wikipedia articles on “aeolipile” and “Hero of
Alexandria”.

This
is a standalone novel, despite also being the first entry in a 7-book
series. The setting felt “real”, and was
free of any clunky info-dumps that one runs into all too often in the
Alt-History genre.

The patrons of the
temple harassed the priests in violet robes on the stairs. He gathered from the hurled insults that the
temple had been faring poorly in exciting its followers.

North or south,
once a god had a building to maintain, Agog found them to be quite insistent
about tithing and finding the means to encourage it. He preferred the gods and goddesses of the
woods and streams. They required nothing
more than a simple word and the occasional burnt offering. (loc. 259)

Heron first
looked to sea. Distant sails rose and
fell upon the waves as they rode toward Alexandria. At that place, Heron felt like the center of
the known world. Even more than Rome,
which styled itself its capitol (sic).

While Rome had
its senators and tales of oration and armies and roads, Alexandria had its
Lighthouse and Library. Rome used its
powers to control its Empire. Alexandria
used hers to invite the world to her doorstep. (loc. 3682)

Kindle Details...

Fires of Alexandria is free at Amazon. The other six books in the series are in the $3.99
to $6.
99 price range. Thomas K.
Carpenter has a slew of other e-books available, ranging from $0.99
to $6.99,
as well as several short stories for free.

“Hortio is a prickly man.
He’ll promise the stars and the sun, but in the end, hand you a bucket
of dung and call it even.” (loc.
1430)

There are a couple quibbles, the most serious
of which is the freeing of all slaves in Alexandria at the end of the
story. Although I agree that this is a
completely repulsive concept nowadays, 2,000 years ago it was an accepted
practice in all societies. If slavery becomes
the number one theme of this series, okay fine, I withdraw the quibble. But here it is incidental to the storyline,
and therefore its abolition negatively impacts the authentic feeling of the
historical setting.

There
is also the matter of a spy in Heron’s workshop. Whoever it is, they are a major disruption of
Heron’s efforts, yet they are never caught and identified. They just get conveniently written out when
Heron sends everybody home for their own safety. Plot threads are meant to be resolved.

The
writing is adequate, but not compelling. I
can’t say that any of the characters reached out and drew me in. But the storytelling makes up for all these
quibbles – there are no telling/showing issues, no slow spots, the action is
plentiful, and there’s just enough dry wit and humor (miracles running amok) to
balance the gruesome realities.

8 Stars.
Subtract ½ star
if you always liked the historical Roman Empire. If you know who the Hamilcar in this blog’s
title references, you’ll understand why I really liked this story.

Thursday, January 21, 2016

2011;
344 pages. Full Title : The Good, The Bad and The Smug – A Novel Beyond Good and
Evil. Book 4 in Tom Holt’s Doughnut series.
New Author? : No. Genre :
Fantasy; Contemporary Humor. Overall
Rating : 8*/10.

The
Good. Efluviel is an elf, and all
elves are good, aren’t they? She’s an
aspiring journalist, but currently finds herself unemployed, when Mordak the goblin king, buys
her newspaper and fires everyone. She
can have her job back, but it will mean compromising some of her ideals.

The Bad. Mordak is a goblin, and all goblins are bad,
aren’t they? But lately he’s been
proposing some radical changes to goblin protocol. Things like making peace with the dwarfs
(heresy!), and even – dare we say it – cooperating with the elves.

The Smug. He seems to go by several names, and has this
really nifty spinning wheel that can turn straw in to gold. But the weird thing is, he doesn’t seem to
want anything in return. Just bring him
the straw and he’ll convert it into gold and give it right back to you. He has to have some angle, but what?

What’s To Like...

The Good, The Bad
and The Smug is the fourth book in Tom Holt’s “Doughnut” series, of
which I’ve now read numbers 2 through 4.
In a nutshell, think of the hole in a doughnut as being a portal to
another reality. Holt uses the
dimension-hopping to deal with all sorts of topics, and here, as the title
implies, he examines the concepts of Good and Evil, and their relativistic
nature.

To
a certain degree, this is a sequel to book 3, The
Outsorcerer’s Apprentice (reviewed here), which I very much enjoyed. But don’t fret that this might be a rehash of that tale; Mordak is the only major character that carries over, and the settings,
themes, and tone are totally different here.

There are multiverses and donuts, and some gentle pokes with items like YourTubes,
FaceBooks, Multisoft, Wickedpedia, and my favorite, The Fount Of All
Knoledg. Goblins have now
made the jump into our world, where their bodies morph into human form. But they’re still goblins at heart, and the
only gainful employment they generally find is in the movie-making industry, as extras (playing goblins, naturally).

Mordak and Efluviel make for a great pair of adventurers, and Holt keeps
introducing you to all sorts of interesting supporting characters - Archie, Art
and his cohort, and the hilarious Unconventional Sisters to name just a
few. Even the Dark Lord has a certain
charm about him.

As
always, Holt addles our brains with a bunch of seemingly unrelated storylines (Mordak/Efluviel,
Archie, Rumplestiltskin, and the Dark Lord), and as always he brings them all
together at the end for a satisfying ending.
There’s a fair amount of adult language, but that’s true of any Tom Holt
book.

Kewlest New Word. . .

Skive(n.)
: an instance of avoiding work or duty. (a Britishism)

Others : Menisci(n., plural);Insouciant(adj.);

Excerpts...

Generally
speaking, when (Goblins) lose a war, they retire into their deep, dark
underground lairs, which no enemy has ever penetrated (no enemy has ever wanted
to), lick their wounds, regroup, execute their king and replace him with a new
one, and set about gearing up for the next war.
A simple and reliable approach, which had always worked well; and yet,
Mordak thought, one that could be improved upon, particularly if you were the
king.(pg. 69)

Oglak had a
little troll,

Its coat was
stiff as wire;

So every time it
scratched itself,

It set its bum on
fire. (pg. 239)

“Be it never so dark, damp,
deep, musty and littered with yellowing bones, there’s no place like home.” (pg. 144)

The Good, The Bad and The Smugis another
read-worthy effort by Tom Holt that I liked almost as much as
its predecessor. But not quite. It was nothing major, just a couple minor things.

For starters, there are less fairytale characters than in the previous
book, and more time is spent in our mundane dimension. The secondary theme here, which we (and
Rumplestiltskin)can aptly label “Economic
Growth”, is somewhat dull by nature. The
disparate plotlines seemed a bit harder to follow, and seemed to stay confusing
longer than usual. And I never did
figure out if Ozork and Archie are one and the same.

But I pick at nits. I’ve yet to
be disappointed in any Tom Holt book; it’s just a matter of dividing them into
“good” and “great”.

8 Stars.
Add ½ star
if you think Economic Systems are a wonderful topic for discussion, thank you very much.

Charlie Asher misses his seven-year-old daughter,
Sophie. That’s understandable, since
Charlie’s dead. But he’s not really
gone; his soul – including his consciousness – has been transferred into a different
body.

Well, not a regular body. Charlie
Asher now stands knee-high, and has the head of a crocodile and the feet of a
duck. He wears a purple satin wizard’s
robe under which is slung his ten-inch schlong. So he’d just as soon avoid a face-to-face
encounter with his daughter.

But
now that Sophie is greeting people on the telephone with “I am become Death,
destroyer of worlds!”, and Charlie realizes there’s only one thing to do. Well, two, actually. Find someone who can transfer his soul into
another body. And then find
someone who’s willing to let him have use of theirs.

What’s To Like...

It took Christopher Moore nine years to pen
the follow-up to his most excellent 2006 novel, A
Dirty Job, but it was worth the wait.
Secondhand Souls catches you up on a
lot of the characters from ADJ, both good and evil. Rivera and Cavuto are back, so is the Emperor
of San Francisco and his canine cohorts, Bummer and Lazarus. Aunt Jane and Aunt Cassie are caring for
Sophie while Charlie deals with his identity crisis, Minty Green is back, and
even the nasty but laughable/likable Morrigan return.
But there are new characters as well – a guy who paints the Golden Gate
bridge, several ghosts and meat puppets, and a banshee with a penchant for stun
guns.

As
usual, Christopher Moore spins all sorts of threads at you (I counted six of them here),
then steadily builds the literary tension before tying everything up neatly at
the end. There’s even a short “whatever
happened to” epilogue. Moore
has lost none of his edginess, wit, and storytelling abilities.

There’s
a nice assortment of beasties to confront you, and a little bit of romance for the
female readership. One or two good guys die along the way; I like when that happens. The pace is crisp, and there are a couple of
plot twists along the way to keep you on your toes. There are even some music references and some French
thrown in; those are always a plus for me.
There is some cussing and adult situations; if you don’t know that about
Christopher Moore’s writing, this is probably the first time you've read one of his books.

Kewlest New Word…

Doofuscocity(n.)
: its meaning is obvious, and it’s a made-up word. But I think it’s freakin’ great.

Excerpts...

“That’s why I
called. You help me find a body, then I
help you fix whatever the banshee is warning us about.”

“Like a
corpse-type body?”

“Not
exactly. Someone who is going to be a
corpse, but before they become a corpse.”

“Doesn’t that
describe everybody?” (loc. 590)

The big V-8
rumbled and the four chrome ports down each side of the hood blinked as if
startled out of a nap, then opened to draw more air into the infernal
engine. The tail of the Buick dipped and
the grinning chrome mouth of the grille gulped desert air like a whale shark
sucking down krill. Far below the crusty
strata, long-dead dinosaurs wept for the liquid remains of their brethren
consumed by the creamy, jaundiced leviathan.(loc. 1873)

Kindle Details...

Secondhand Soulssells for $9.99 at Amazon right
now, which is about right for a new release by a top-tier author. The rest of the Christopher Moore e-books are in the $9.99 and $11. 99 price range.

“I commiserate. I can go from zero to comiserable at the
speed of dark.” (loc.
443)

Secondhand Souls
is a standalone novel, but just barely. You
can forget a lot of details when there is a nine year gap between books in a series. I read A Dirty Job six years ago (the review is
here), and I had only a hazy recollection of what went down in it.
Moore recognizes this, and works the backstory in in piecemeal fashion,
but it felt clunky at times.

To
boot, once you get back up to speed in the series’ storyline, you realize there’s a lot of repeat here.
The foes are more-or-less the same : Morrigan and the Ultimate Evil against Charlie and
Sophie; and the fate of the world once again hangs in a San Francisco setting.

But these are minor quibbles.
This is still an enjoyable story, and maybe the long waiting time makes the repeated things seem fresh. Also, there are
those who might not mind a Bay Area rematch between the forces of Light and
Darkness.

8½ Stars.
With all the threads tied up so well, there
is not a lot of room for a third book in the series. But I would’ve said that after the first book
as well.

Friday, January 8, 2016

Calvin
Mooney has caught a glimpse of Wonderland.
Funnily enough, it was as he was climbing a wall while chasing down one of his errant pigeons. He glanced down at an old, threadbare carpet that a couple
of movers were taking out of an empty house.
The vision was only there for an instant.
After the blink of an eye, it returned to being just an ordinary carpet again.

So
maybe it was all in Cal’s head. A trick
of the eyes, an overactive imagination, a short-lived hallucination, or
something he ate for lunch that disagreed with him. Yeah, that’s
probably it. The movers who took the
carpet away certainly didn't see anything unusual, other than a crazy man chasing a bird.

Except, then why are a pair of strangers pursuing him so diligently and so ruthlessly, demanding that he tell them where he’s hid the carpet?

What’s To Like...

Weaveworld is an interesting blend of fantasy (hidden worlds,
magic powers, giddy fruit) and horror (monstrous beasties, evil spells, undead
spirits), with a bit of romance thrown in, but only a bit. At first glance, this would appear to be a
difficult mix, but Clive Barker makes it work.

The story is set in Liverpool – the author's home turf – and several other areas of central England. I
particularly liked Barker’s ability to paint descriptions of both the
real world and the fantasy one. Yeah, one
person’s “flowery” is another person’s “vivid”, but I found it captivating.
I also liked the book’s structure – there are sections (13 of them)
which contain chapters, which in turn contain sub-chapters. It was nice to be able to easily find a convenient place to stop at just about point while reading this 700-page opus.

Our two protagonists, Cal and Suzanna, at first seem overmatched against
some rather formidable baddies, but that’s how horror stories are supposed to
work. Both sides gain some friends and
allies along the way, and that keeps the storyline fresh. Quite a few characters get killed, so don’t
get too attached to any of them. But
cleverly woven into all the action and bloodshed are some serious topics – the
dangers of blind faith, the interdependence of belief and reality, and of
course, the strength of love.

The
tension builds nicely to a great good-vs-evil ending, although it is stutter-step
in nature. Onr first ending comes about 500
pages in, another at page 690, and a third one – short but critical – finishes off the book as a
10-page epilogue. This is a standalone
novel, and lots of R-rated stuff – cussing, sex, and bloody deaths. But hey, isn't horror supposed to be that way?

Kewlest New Word...

Bowdlerize(v.)
: to edit (text) by removing or modifying passages deemed to be vulgar or
objectionable.

It was not an
empty sleep; far from it. There were
dreams. Or rather, a particular dream
which filled both their heads.

They dreamed a
noise. A planet of bees, all buzzing fit
to burst their honeyed hearts; a rising swell that was summer’s music.

They dreamed
smell. A confusion of scents; of streets
after rain, and faded cologne, and wind out of a warm country.

But most of all,
they dreamed sight.

It began with a
pattern: a knotting and weaving of countless strands, dyed in a hundred colors,
carrying a charge of energy that so dazzled the sleepers they had to shield
their minds’ eyes. (pg.
128)

It was just
before eight in the morning when Cal got off the bus and began the short walk
to the Mooney residence, and everywhere along the street the same domestic
rituals that he’d witnessed here since his childhood were being played
out. Radios announced the morning’s news
through open windows and doors: a Parliamentarian had been found dead in his
mistress’s arms; bombs had been dropped in the Middle East. Slaughter and scandal, scandal and
slaughter. And was the tea too weak this
morning, my dear? and did the children wash behind their ears?(pg. 298)

“Serves us right for trusting weavers. Clever fingers and dull minds.” (pg. 135)

Weaveworld is a good book, but not a perfect one. There are some spots where the plotline
drags, particularly the chapters where Cal and Suzanna are on the run, trying
to stay one step ahead of the bad guys.
The main storyline is pretty straightforward and untwisty; you can see
what it’s building to from a long way off.
And the intricate world-building was a mixed blessing – I really felt
“immersed” in the worlds Clive Barker created, yet it made for a lengthy read.

But I quibble. Overall, this was
a witty and entertaining read, with fantasy and horror blended in just the right
proportions. This was an early Clive
Barker book effort, and AFAIK, he didn’t set any of his subsequent stories in this fascinating world.

Which
is quite the pity.

8 Stars. This was my introduction to Clive Barker, and
the word is it’s one of his tamer and “lighter” efforts. I think I may have to pick up some more of
his books.