This report says Jesus recently said: "Madonna has an amazing body, is a sexy, kind person and a great mother. The difference in our ages means nothing. She looks like a 30-year-old and has a youthful personality to go with it. I love her and nothing else matters." Which sounds like they are not broken up. [PopDirt]

By the by, Madonna's nanny gave notice, then her Madgesty told her to leave, immediately. [Daily Mail]

This paper claims that Guy Ritchie has a black eye, but the photographic evidence is sketchy. [The Sun]

Yes, Ashton Kutcher Twittered a picture of Demi Moore's ass — taken while she was steaming his suit (maybe for the wedding?) Yes, she knew about it. No, I don't know why people are so interested. Like they have never seen a woman bending over before. [Defamer]

Honestly, it is sort of shocking that Knowing topped the box office, with $6 million more than I Love You, Man, since there were no early reviews and Nicolas Cage did zero publicity and Paul Rudd worked overtime. But Knowing is PG-13 and ILYM is rated R, so maybe families went to see Cage? [Breitbart]

Like House? Like spoilers? This link pretty much tells you who is going to die. [NY Mag]

Remember that Jennifer Aniston movie, The Baster? This casting call is looking for a "heavy set woman" and a "woman with a round face, small eyes, and upturned nose" to have profanities shouted at them in a scene. Fun? [TMZ]

Johnny Depp topped a list of stars people would most like to share a candlelit dinner with. [The Star]

Prince Harry will have lunch with the soldier he called a racial slur. [Telegraph]

Are you ready for this image-shattering picture of 18-year-old Emma Roberts in the new GQ — in which she is wearing a tanktop and no bra? [Just Jared]

Hilary Duff is back on TV: First she landed a guest spot on Ghost Whisperer; now she's gonna be on Law & Order: SVU. [E!]

Speaking of L&O, Mariska Hargitay is headed back to work after a three-week absence. [People]

Justin Guarini says American Idol sorta sucks: "Every single year, we cannot stand the group performances. I know they can't stand it either. And I think what makes [the group performances] even worse now is that they're lip-synced. They're really prerecorded now." [E!]

Metallica went on stage at South By Southwest, telling the audience they were a "young band from Norway." Are they still in therapy? [USA Today]

Kanye West closed SXSW, saying "It feels so good to rock for you tonight." [AP]

We heard Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green broke up; then we heard they were back together, now we're hearing that she has moved out and is staying in a hotel. Ah, l'amour. [E!]

Congrats to Natasha Bedingfield, who got hitched in Malibu on Saturday. [E!]

After the success of that video which is an internet hit, Ricky Gervais and Elmo are working on a show together! [The Sun]

Blind item! "Which closeted TV icon enjoys "watersports" in his bedroom? His steady stream of gentleman callers are a little grossed out by it." [Gatecrasher]

"I love writing for Dwight because he has one of the richest back stories of any of the characters. He is a farmer who is part Amish, who has war criminal relatives and who was involved in a secret love triangle — and has a nine-bedroom, possibly haunted hotel-farm. He has such a colorful past, and Rainn [Wilson] is such a gifted actor that it's like a great treasure map writing for his character… I think the Kelly character is fun to play because she's not a role model for anybody. Although I do sometimes believe my parents wish I played a cardiologist at Johns Hopkins." — Mindy Kaling, of The Office. [Washington Post]

"To say that they like this movie would be like the crazy understatement of the world, 'cause they are crazy about it. They carry the characters around; they play in the morning with their action figures, so this is a really great experience to make a film for my kids that they love. There's not that many movies that have female superheroes in them so this was a great opportunity to not only be telling a great story of female empowerment but also create this awesome character." — Reese Witherspoon, on Monsters Vs. Aliens. [The Sun]

"I'd probably have head-butted her new boyfriend, put her over my shoulder and run off." — Pete Doherty, on what he'd have done if he'd seen Kate Moss at his record label. [The Sun]

"A few people have gone overboard. We have people come in to spray them. But there's a little Oompa-Loompa going on this season. It's not for me. I'm holding to the middle-age pasty-white-guy look." — Tom Bergeron, on the orange-ness on the contestants on Dancing With The Stars. [E!]

"I love doing photo shoots. I mean, if I could just sign with IMG and do ad campaigns and model more, I'd do that… because that's fun for me. That's not work." — Lindsay Lohan, to Nylon. [Page Six]

"A size zero? I've never heard of that. That didn't exist when I was growing up. When did that start? What does it mean?" — Heidi Klum. [Socialite Life]