2:07 “Half the things I post to the internet I end up deleting cause of typos, that’s just my life. It’s cause I type too fast. Do you guys have the same thing? Do you just- I think I type faster than I think, you know people say ‘don’t speak before you think about what you’re saying’ well I do that with typing except I tweet it to a billion people which is why my life is sad sometimes.”

2:53 Chat: ‘Playstation or Xbox?’ – Dan: “Probably get both which is the advantage of living with someone else who’s a nerd that likes video games. Although I’ll unplug the Kinect so that they don’t send all of the information to NSA, not that they don’t already have that. I mean, seriously, if they have access to my gmail they have all of my filth on a hard drive somewhere. Seriously, I just save things to iCloud and Apple are just like ‘hey FBI, have Dan’s weird things’ of course which there are weird things.”

3:22 A fan gave him the Skyrim shirt he’s wearing for his birthday last week

3:35 “Courtney just said she can’t hear me cause her brother’s speaking, then kill your brother. Just kill him. You have my permission. End his life. That is all you have to do. It’s literally that simple.”

3:58 Earlier, he realised that several of the windows in his browser hadn’t been closed for a while – “and then I realised that I was at the BBC and I had all these windows from about a month’s worth of browsing minimised and I was like ‘what’s there, what’s there, oh god no one look at my laptop’ and I had to leave the room with my laptop just to close windows for a few minutes which was fun. Always bury your internet skeletons.”

5.04 In his last video (ISG2) he meant to link people to an email address but instead it said ‘sample text’ and he didn’t notice it until after it had already begun uploading but he included it because it made him laugh – “but it doesn’t really translate. No one else knows that I was keeping it in deliberately cause it made me laugh so everyone else just thinks I’m stupid but hey, everyone thinks I’m stupid anyway.”

6:10 Spotify update. Most listened to artist – Atoms for Peace. He’s also been listening to Kanye and Disclosure.

7:27 He’s a hoarder of possessions (He ordered the physical copy of Yeezus which hasn’t been delivered yet)

7:39 In their latest radio show they played a game in which they had to draw animals on their arms. Phil used a whiteboard marker, it was fine. Dan used permanent marker and 2 showers later it still won’t come off. Chat: ‘Using hydrogen peroxide removes it.’ Dan – “Yeah, I’ll just MJ myself. That’ll go down well.” Other suggestions are alcohol wipes or nail polish remover – “Guys, I’m not gonna trust you and your strange feminine liquids that I don’t know how to control.”

9:35 He went to see Man of Steel earlier, it was good.

10:04 He spilt coffee down the side interior of couch the other day and to fix it he just stuffed kitchen towels into it

10:53 He’s going to France tomorrow “for something boring”

11:30 I think he gets a message of some kind. He pulls out his phone checks it, laughs and puts it down. Doesn’t mention it.

11:41 All British kids are forced to learn French, discussion about that/his French teacher

13:51 He discovered he likes sushi. He’s not a salmon guy. He ordered sushi for lunch but it didn’t fill him up so then he came home and ate a bag of Doritos

14:47 Chat: “Dan, you should make a song with Phil” – Dan: “What? That sounds like the worst idea. What? Hmm. No, that’s probably not going to happen. Probably. Might, prob- well no, it’s just not.”

15:02 “I wonder how many people that don’t really know who I am will think this is an actual tattoo I got of a shit octopus on my anorexic bicep.”

16:07 He asks people to type their age, location and whether they like sushi – “This sounds so creepy. I look like a god of paedophiles to the NSA who are watching this right now.”

17:14 Up until about a month ago sushi brought back bad memories of Japan day in school where he was forced to eat off sushi

18:34 Story about himself and Phil being in a lift with Psy at the BBC building. [Shows a picture he took of Psy in the lift] “with me and my friend”

21:14 It was his birthday last week – “I turned 22. Yayy, I’m dying. Or I’m not really cause I still think I’ve got another 6 years of puberty left. I still look like a 12 year old.”

21:34 Phil got him all of the Game of Thrones books for his birthday

21:46 “My main present from my family okay this is how much my parents- I dunno, it’s not that bad. My present that my parents got me, I was like ‘what’s it gonna be, what’s it gonna be’ this is exciting, they said that they all chipped together to get me something, it was a mirror. […] And I was like ‘thaaaaanks muuuum, just what I wanted.’ To be fair it’s pretty cool. I like it. It’s a funky mirror. Apparently it’s bronze, don’t even know what that means but hey. I don’t actually have a mirror in my room, that may surprise some of you, but I don’t have a mirror so that’s cool. Random. Thanks family for the square mirror, yeahhh. This may- I was like am I depressed now? When I turned 21 last year everyone got me alcohol cause I was like legal all around the world and this year I get mirror. Is this the official decline where it’s like Toy Story things, Action Man figurines, Star Wars posters, CD’s, tickets to a gig, video games, oop 22, you’re getting home furnishing. There we go. Nothing interesting for you ever again, next year it’s just gonna be a card and some John Lewis vouchers. So there we go, that’s what it’s like. I’m at that depressing moment where I suddenly I’m dying cause I’m not getting anything interesting for my birthday anymore just- next year it’ll be cushions or a doily or a kettle that lights up or something.”

23:25 Chat: ‘Do you believe in long distance relationships?’ – Dan: “Do I- Do I believe in them? Well, they’re real and you know if- I’m sure they can work out. It’ll be less convenient than normal relationships but I believe. I believe in them.”

24:04 His friend iced him a Game of Thrones themed cake

24:18 “During my days all I eat is salad and sushi in a bid to get healthy and in my evenings all I do is sad eat entire packets of Doritos, which is good. ‘I’m feeling slightly depressed so I’ll open a bag of super mix and eat them all right now or maybe a giant thing of Maltesers. That’s great, that’ll go really well with the salad that I sacrificed for my lunch and I felt really sad about because it sucked’ [ugggghhhhh] What I need is I need to hire someone to just block my mouth for me. ‘Don’t do it, Dan.’”

25:22 Someone tells him to sing ‘22’ so he searches up the lyrics to the song and tries to apply them to himself/his life – “I don’t really gather with my friends and dress like hipsters and make fun of exes, that’s a bit weird. I dunno, I get that it’s a catchy line but dressing up weirdly with friends and talking about exes feels like a very strange thing to do. […] ‘To fall in love with strangers’ what? Um, I guess that could happen. […] ‘Happy, free, confused and lonely at the same time’ yes, okay. ‘Miserable and magical’ not that magical. There is no magic in the real world. Magic doesn’t exist, so I guess it’s just miserable, which is good…” it goes on.

27:34 He had a bad sleep last night. He had a weird dream where he ends up having to assassinate Philip Seymour Hoffman. He was Lisbeth from TGwtDT.

29:55 Someone mentions they hate Taylor Swift – “Why? Why do you hate Taylor Swift? What a weird thing to say. Why do you hate Taylor Swift? Don’t hate people. Don’t hate celebrities for random reasons, just be cool. Just be chill. I don’t hate any- God, my mum just reminds me of other humans. I went to see her for like a birthday meal, I went with my family, and she’s- what did she say? She was talking about- it was either Kim Kardashian or Brad Pitt or somebody and she was just talking about some kind of celebrity gossip that was happening and I was just like ‘shut up! Why do you, why do you hate this random celebrity? You’ve never met this person. Why are you talking badly about them? You random person.’”

32:15 Guess the crime

37:55 Chat: ‘You look skinnier today ’ – Dan: “That should be a good thing getting- Are you a feeder? Cause good news it’s more likely that I’m gonna expand.”

39:59 “I want a kitten but with none of the responsibilities of having to care for another life.”

40:11 He won’t listen to leaked albums of artists he likes

41:03 Chat: ‘Where’s Phil?’ – Dan: “I don’t know. Doing Phil things in his Phil life. We’re not stapled to each other maybe you should ask him.”

42:47 “I pre-ordered the Last of Us and Animal Crossing like a week ago and I missed the post cause I was in bed. Phil was awake, that fricking slag. He could have gone but apparently he didn’t hear the buzzer go off or whatever.” So now he has to wait an extra week.

44:00 He gets Phil’s dream analysis book and analyses his dream. His murder dream means he’s really angry at someone, he says it’s CitySprint, the company that won’t deliver his game for another week.

48:01 He shows two of his birthday cards. One from his parents and one from ‘Aunty Christine.’ The card from his parents is a cartoon bunny reading ‘Watership Down’ and it has a speech bubble saying ‘fucking hell’ - “This is from my parents who are, by all means, quite cool parents with a good sense of humour. [Description] Pretty funny. Like it. Thanks mum and dad, good card. They know me, they get my sense of humour, they send me a funny card. Thanks, parents. You always have those relatives that don’t really know you cause you don’t see them that often and you can tell that they’ve gone to the nearest garage and just bought a card for like 1 pound.” It’s the ‘Well done, nice one’ card.’ “This is literally the worst card of all time… Thanks Aunty Christine. I appreciate the gesture.”

49:46 “I was joking guys. I appreciate the card, I’m just laughing at the choice of graphic design.”

49:52 “You’ll remember in my last liveshow at the end I flickered the lights in my bedroom on and off and showed how they ominously hum like some kind of electrical explosion is about to happen at any second and instantly kill me. You’ll be pleased to know that my flatmate Phil organised it for me to get an electrician because I have no responsibilities or thoughts or no anything about how to survive as an adult so it’s a good thing that Phil is there to do things like ordering electricians so I don’t die… so I may survive.”

52:28 Talking about how nail polish will remove the permanent marker on his arms - “Seriously, the one or two times I’ve tried to ironically paint my nails black so I can be like ‘I’m totes a goth today’ it just looks like crap.”

55:37 Chat: ‘Would you date a thirteen year old?’ – Dan: “That’s a weird question and I hope one day you’ll understand why.”

55:48 Pokemon rant

58:18 His second channel isn’t dead it’s just not active. Two conditions for his second channel: 1). There has to be something that ends up going on his second channel 2). He can be bothered to make it.

58:59 He’d prefer to make something creative than just vlog. He’d prefer to make something that has more impact and opinions.

0:19 Phil compliments the person broadcasting before him, he was enjoying it and didn’t want to come on
Dan: [Offscreen] “Let me trap you in my basement.”
Phil: “Yeah, apart from trapping me in her guest room. Joke.”

0:42 “Me and my dirty mind. What? Not about Tappiwa (broadcaster before) about Keaten.” (Another broadcaster before Phil who was eating crisps - “Do you think he knew his webcam was on? He could have been doing anything.”)

0:50 Dan’s in the background editing his video (He’s in the background of the whole live show and doesn’t appear on screen (apart from when Phil briefly goes to him) so any time he’s speaking in this liveshow it’s offscreen from the table in their lounge)

1:14 He can’t function without coffee in the morning

1:19 The Christmas tree decoration in their apartment is slow. Decorations are in the room, the Christmas tree isn’t.

2:02 They both made videos with a mystery guest today (Carrie)

2:27 Dan’s video is going up tonight, Phil’s is tomorrow

3:06 He heard somewhere that people in primary school have to call Christmas ‘Wintervale’ he asks whether it’s true - “Cause apparently ‘Christmas’ offends people that aren’t Christian which makes no sense whatsoever. I’m sure people that aren’t Christian or just don’t celebrate Christmas wouldn’t want everyone to change it to ‘Wintervale’” – he discovers it’s not true.

4:01 In his primary school he had to sing hymns every Tuesday, he used to laugh at the word “naked” in one of the hymns, “cause I was immature aged 9.” He goes through some songs he used to sing

5:49 He was thinking of doing a commentary on his first video but he thinks it’d be boring

6:49 A brief glimpse of Dan shown

7:29 Dan is “editing his little fingers off”

7:49 “Do all primary schools just get given this weird book of hymns by Jesus or something? I bet in a thousand years they’ll look back on this and think it’s weird. Just sayin.”

8:02 Phil: “I wanna be in a primary school with loads of black gospel singer ladies. That’d be more fun.”
[Dan starts singing off screen, Phil claps along]
Phil: “Are you like the commentary of my liveshow today?”
Dan: “You got me during a quiet patch so I could join in.”

9:39 He’s rubbing Dan’s Totoro – “I’ll fondle it if I want to, Dan.”

9:59 He discusses what it must be like to have Christmas in Australia

10:20 Dan: “I had Christmas in New Zealand once.”

10:43 He feels sadness because America doesn’t have crackers, advent calendars or Christmas puddings. He went on a rant about Christmas puddings on tumblr.

11:15 A tradition in his household on Christmas night after Christmas dinner is pouring brandy on a Christmas pudding, setting it on fire, and then singing ‘We Wish You a Merry Christmas.’ Because he’s the youngest he gets to light it.

11:47 He’s going to open a British Christmas store in America “if youtube- I’m always gonna do youtube but say if radio doesn’t work out”

12:22 He’s slightly terrified about doing the radio show. It’ll be visual, they’re trying to plan what to do whilst the music is playing

13:35 He also sang African hymns in primary school too, he asks if anyone is African and to translate what he’s singing - “it might be racist, I don’t know what it is”

14:14 “Maybe I was abducted by aliens, African aliens, and they put that weird thing in my head.”

14:32 Someone says they have a picture of his house on google, he thinks they probably don’t. Someone sent him an anonymous message on tumblr saying they knew where he lived but it wasn’t where he lives
Dan: “It was the location of the Radio 1 building after we’d filmed something.”

16:18 He kind of hates the word ‘soz’ – “My brother used to say ‘sozzard’ I never knew really what that meant. Do they say that in Reading, Dan?”
Dan: “Nope.”

17:52 He got his Totoro from a “crazy Chinese/Japanese shop in London” he went to with Bryony

18:08 “We had a crazy Japanese date to all the best Japanese places. We wanted to go in one of those photobooth things-”
Dan: “You didn’t go on a date, you should clarify that.”
Phil: “Oh, it wasn’t like a kissing date. Just a friend date.”

18:28 Phil: “Stop asking our full names, I feel like you wanna do something with them.”
Dan: [Using a mocking tone] “Mmmm, I’m going to stalk you intensely.”

21:50 Chat: ‘The child from Home Alone is now a druggie’ – Phil: “I saw the picture of him and it was a bit sad but everyone has their off days, I think it must-”
Dan erupts into hysterical laughter
Phil: “-it must suck to be a celebrity and be photog-”
Dan: “Oh, just had a bit of coke cause I was feeling-”
Phil: “No, they didn’t-”
Dan: “-menstruation.”
Phil: “-they didn’t photograph him doing coke, they just photographed him looking ill and thin.”
Dan: “Definitely all the drugs. All the drugs.”
Phil: “He could have just- maybe he’s- yeah probably all the drugs. Would you blame him though? I’m not making excuses for Macaulay Culkin, I don’t know what he’s up to really.”

22:32 He thinks it’s a good thing that Disney bought Marvel and Star Wars. Dan and Phil briefly discuss this, some good Marvel bantz.

23:03 Phil doesn’t like Hayden Christensen

23:30 Phil: “Sorry my- I’m- maybe it’s cause it’s later at night. I’m not usually this opinionated.”
Dan: “You’re just so sassy this evening.”
Phil: “I’m so sassy.”

23:55 He thinks the most interesting thing he’s done on younow thus far is pop a balloon in one of Dan’s live shows. He reminisces on his pole dancing venture of yesteryear – “If you go back and watch my shows I did pole dance, not that I’m proud of that fact but I did.”

25:21 He’s got a different password for every website - “which is good security wise but bad emotionally”

25:40 He ponders how long it would take after he told people his twitter password for them to delete/ruin his twitter account

26:32 Someone says that if they were logged into Phil’s account they’d make people follow them. Dan says it’s a wasted opportunity and if he were logged into Phil’s twitter - “I’d be like ‘I’m pregnant with an ox.’”
Phil: [Laughs] “I’m pregnant with an ox.”
Dan: “Well I can just log into your twitter at like any time.”
Phil: “I- I always leave it li- yeah if you see me tweeting I’m pregnant with an ox it’s because-”
Dan: “Then you know that Dan’s been there.”
Phil: “-Dan’s been on my twitter.”

27:01 Someone comments on his different behaviour this live show, he says it’s because he’s in a good mood, it’s later in the evening, and because he’s eaten dinner.

27:34 Chat: ‘Dan needs an abortion’ – Phil: “Yes.”

29:13 He needed to pre-film two videos because he’s going to be busy with the radio show

30:59 He says it’s going to be harder to go on holiday etc now they’ve got to do radio shows on Sundays

31:42 Chat: ‘Carrie aka Dan and Phil’s girlfriend’ – Phil: “We’re like-
Dan: “Need to get girlfriends.”
Phil: “Yeah, is it Morm- no it’s not Mormon’s is it? Who are the people with- monogamous polygamous…” he can’t remember “what the tribe of polygamous people are”

32:15 Phil: “In Germany you can, um, have sex with an animal though. I think they’ve just made it illegal actually.”
Dan: “Such a shame I booked tickets…”

34:15 The younow features of throwing tomatoes and playing a gong are disabled for Phil’s shows

34:37 They met half of McFly, one of the McFly members followed Dan and not Phil – “Japanese suicide was on the cards” but it’s okay because communitychannel follows Phil

36:24 He bought a new jacket for himself on behalf of his grandma and it’s supposed to go under the tree but he keeps wearing it

37:21 He puts his laptop in the kitchen cupboard and makes hot chocolate

39:00 Phil: “We could make some for Dan as well. Dan, do you want hot chocolate?”
Dan: “Haha, sure.”
Phil: “We’re making Dan hot chocolate as well.”

39:16 Chat: ‘Phil, you’re so strange.’ – Phil: “I told you guys. Strangeness is a good thing. Would you all want to be robots?”

39:56 “I never close cupboards. It makes me a terrible housemate.”

40:36 Whilst the milk is warming up in the microwave he goes to his room – he has a Matt Smith mask on his bed

42:07 Hot chocolate tutorial continues – He makes Dan’s first

43:47 “Jessica says I’m being a nice wife. I am a good hot chocolate maker. Anyone that lives with me, they appreciate the hot chocolates.” He used to make everyone at university hot chocolate and toast.

44:42 He doesn’t want to prank Dan - “I’m not really a prankster if I’m honest.” He could put salt in Dan’s hot chocolate but he doesn’t want to do it.

45:39 He gives Dan his hot chocolate, Dan gives it a 7/10

46:40 Someone asks him to meow another Muse song, he meows 2 lines from Sing for Absolution

47:19 He meows more songs for people to guess

48:33 Chat: ‘Nice grunting’ – Phil: “I find that comment creepy.”

49:09 ‘Harry, you’re not the only male. There’s a few males. Thumbs up if you’re a male. I mean say hi.”

49:25 He used to go to Portugal every year as a child, his parents rented the same house every year so it was like a second home

49:57 “There is a lot of boys. Hey. We should do some kind of dating in the chat. Not in a creepy way, we could set two of you up. What about Alice S with Jordan? That’s when it turns out that Jordan’s 28 and Alice S is 12 but I tried.”

50:20 He always has showers, not baths. He doesn’t stink. “Although I am a boy and boys do smell a bit.”

50:35 Chat: ‘Does Dan wear makeup?’ – Phil: “No. I don’t think so.”

52:12 “Linda is gonna give up smoking, woo go Linda. I don’t like smoking. No offense. Though if you’ve stopped then high five.”

53:47 “I can’t really sneak up on Dan because he’s- I’m in his eyeline. I’d be pretty stealthy to be able to sneak up on Dan right now.”

56:44 He gives advice for new bloggers – Make a video, don’t make them too long, know what you want to talk about, have fun

Phil liveshow: 5th January, 2013

1:20 He’s excited for their radio show that starts next week. They’ve been practising so he’s less terrified and more excited now.

2:30 He loved The Hobbit

2:49 He saw Life of Pi in 3D and he liked it

3:21 He’s starting to get converted into liking 3D movies

4:00 Chat: ‘Are you Dan’s personal trainer?’ – Phil: “Are you joking? I can’t personal train anyone to do anything. I’d be like ‘I think you need to eat a couple more chocolates and then maybe we’ll go to the cinema or something.’”

4:31 Chat: ‘How do you feel about Chris?’ – Phil: “I’m glad he hasn’t left youtube cause last night I thought he was actually gone forever, um, but I get what he was trying to do and I’m glad he’s still going to make videos cause sometimes youtube can get serious. It’s a very intense thing, if you let it get to you it’s not great. Uh, so yeah I’m glad he’s staying and I’m glad it made him realise that he was gonna miss it as well. It’s like finding out that everyone thinks you’re dead and then realising how much people love you.”

5:18 “I have been watching Becoming Youtube as I am in it. They made us sit so close together on the sofa, it looks awkward. Uh, that’s my only concern about Becoming Youtube is how big the sofa was and he was like ‘no, no that’s the shot, you’re in shot now’ and then we just looked awkwardly sat next to each other.”

6:09 He had a good Christmas. He got the Prometheus DVD, The Killing and Breaking Bad from his brother, fruit socks from his mum, Full Metal Alchemist movie, glow stars and his wolves jumper

7:21 “Well I bought- me and Dan both bought a wiiu” and got the Super Mario game

8:08 He bought a pair of toast gloves that warm up through USB charging but he doesn’t know who to give it to

I do believe he gives them to Wirrow:
Note “dan&phil gave me”

9:16 His brother also gave him mint chocolate chip chewing gum. He tries it, it’s good.

12:34 He hasn’t watched Supernatural, he asks whether the two main characters are brothers or in a relationship. “Or are they just friends? People can be friends, you know.” He doesn’t think he’ll ever watch it.

18:42 Chat: ‘Talk about Chris’ – Phil: “I did. Everyone thought he was leaving, he’s not leaving. I was happy with him whatever decision he made but I thought it would be silly to say ‘bye forever’ when he could just have a break from making videos and come back if he felt like it.”
Dan: “Let’s brush this under the rug.”
Phil: “That wasn’t the case. Let’s move on. It didn’t happen, he didn’t leave. We’re all happy. And even if he did the “fantastic foursome” would still exist because we’re all still friends.”
Dan: “No we’re not, we’re only friends on camera.”
Phil: “We’re only friends on camera, Dan’s revealing the truth. Ugh, PJ, he makes me sick.”
Dan: “I hate Phil.”
Phil: “I hate that guy.”

19:28 He doesn’t know if he’s going to SitC yet. He wants to wait and see how it’s organised, last year was chaotic.

20:02 [Dan starts boxing Mario in the background]

20:09 They’re trying to work out what backing songs they can have on the radio, he samples some

20:21 “Dan, you’re distracting me with your Mario beat boxing.”

22:09 Final Fantasy songs would be cool to have playing, they’re Phil’s favourite songs and game series

23:55 Someone mentions his ‘sweater’ - “In America is a jumper like a girl’s thing?”

24:58 He wasn’t a Nintendo child, he was a playstation kid.

25:36 “Yes, the fantastic foursome is still together. We will never be broken.”
Dan: “Unless I die.”
Phil: “Unless Dan dies and then we’ll just regenerate him as a robot and you will never know the difference. That’s already happened with PJ about 4 times.”

27:20 He decorates his face with glow stars – “This is gonna be the fashion in the year 2017.”

28:01 Phil: “How do you think fashion will change? Um, cause I think- I don’t think boys are gonna wear like a lot of leather skirts. I don’t think I’ll wear leather skirts. Kanye West wears leather skirts.”
Dan: “I would wear that leather skirt. It’s not a skirt.”
Phil: “It’s like a kilt.”
Dan: “It still has jeans. It’s more like a coat tail.”
Phil: “A coat tail, okay. Um, I think hairstyles will get more interesting. I reckon more colours will be more- I know anyone can have any kind of colour hair but it’s still seen as like ‘ooOOOoh’ while, um, in the future everyone will just have whatever colour hair they want and no one will really care. Like my granddad is really against people colouring their- well, boys colouring their hair. He thinks it’s a girly thing but that’s cause he’s from a different time.”
Dan: “Homosexist… [audio cuts off].”
Phil: “It’s not really homophobia, more like meterosexualphobia.”
Dan: “Meterosphobia.”
Phil: “Meterosexphobios.”

29:06 Dan: “What the fuck are you doing?”
Phil: “Making a constellation on my face.”
Dan: “Of course you are.”

34:55 “You know, if I was offered the chance to go into one of those cryogenic freezing chambers where I only age about 6 years I probably would.”

36:10 Dan comes on screen to show the stars on his face – He’s gone for a Sailor Moon vibe

37:13 Phil: “What was that thing you showed me yesterday? It was like a nose bridge.”
Dan: “Yeah.”
Phil: “Do men wear nose bridges now?”
Dan: “They do if they’re anorexic 18 year old models living in Paris.”
Phil: “Oh.”
Dan: “Otherwise I think you’d look a bit weird.”
Phil: “I don’t think that’d go down too well in my hometown.”
Dan: “No.”

38:04 Dan turns the lights back on and leaves

43:32 He makes more predictions for the future. He hopes for an iPhone that doesn’t take 10 minutes to switch on and off.
Dan: “Ooohhh.”
Phil: “I went there. I’m getting really annoyed with my iPhone at the moment. I mean, I know I’m really lucky to have an iPhone and not everyone has an iPhone but it’s-”
Dan: “Hahah, white problems.”
Phil: “Yeah, I know.
Dan: [Mocking] “Oooh, my iPhone-”
Phil: “First world problems.”
Dan: “-is so slow”
Phil: “It’s so slow.”
Dan: “The 3G doesn’t even load and I’m trying to simply stream movies that I’ve synced to my hard network.”
Phil: “I’m not saying that. I just said that when I had-”
[Dan makes a whiny groan sound]
Phil: “Shut up. When I had a 3310 Nokia I could ring people with it.”
Dan: “And it wouldn’t take half an hour to hang up.”
Phil: “Yeah. Last night I tried to ring my mum, I couldn’t phone her for about 20 minutes and then I tried to hang up it just crashed on the ‘hanging up now’ screen and she was going ‘hello’ so yeah I know first world problems, but seriously. Apple, get it together.”

44:45 His New Years was good, he got to watch “obscure fireworks” at Wirrow’s house

45:10 Dan: “Do you know Day in the life of Dan and Phil has like 800,000 views?”
Phil: “I did not know that Day in the life of Dan and Phil had 800,000 views. That means we should make another one.”
Dan: “Probably.”

51:15 He has some iMessages on his phone from random people because it’s apparently synced to his email. He tells people it’s annoying and then proceeds to get a sudden influx of messages on his phone. He shows his phone screen as having 18 iMessages and counting, they’re going up every second. He shows his phone screen again (56:35) and now he has 224 iMessages and counting, he asks people to stop. He’s going to change his Apple ID after the liveshow.

1:01:00 He checks his phone again, he now has 504 iMessages

1:01:16 He was talking about people at school he didn’t like, in particular the ones that had too many friends and parties to go to as well as having “28 boyfriends”

1:01:34 “There was always someone at school-”
Dan: “Yeah, Taylor Swift.”
Phil: “There was always someone at school that lied about things like that, like boyfriends and girlfriends.”
[Cue a badly timed Dan entering the screen and his face immediately dropping to an ‘oh shit’ expression.]

1:02:05 Dan feels “no sorry” for the situation with Phil’s phone

1:02:43 Chat: ‘Crabstickz Cole Sprouse.’ – Dan: “He did Cole Sprouse everyone. Even me.”
Phil: “Crabstickz. Were you having serious chats with him and then he was like ‘lolno’”
Dan: “No. I sent him like a text and then it was like well everybody in the world obviously had the wrong idea and were like oop.”
Phil: “Yeah.”

1:04:19 “I go to bed at like 2 but then I hear Dan walking around his room at like 5 in the morning and I’m just like what is he doing? What are you doing? Why are you walking around at 5?”
Dan: “Well I’m pretending to sing Beyonce while dribbling Maltesers all over my face which people who’ve seen my video will understand cause they’ve seen that.”

1:06:18 Phil’s still getting more messages on his phone per second

1:06:54 He shows his phone screen again, he now has 705 messages

Phil liveshow: 9th February, 2013

0:14 He just spilt m&m’s everywhere

0:45 “Sean just proposed to me. You look like someone from Home and Away. No, I can’t marry you, you’d make me feel too insecure.”

1:47 He was meant to have a meeting yesterday but everyone was sick

3:07 He started watching Death Note, he likes it so far

7:10 He’s got a “beard” because it’s been approximately 5 days since he last shaved – “I’m a rugged man and I’ll chop down some trees for you, then give you gifts. That’s not very manly, I will throw tires at you.”

9:31 He has a bad habit of biting his nails

9:38 He has a vitamin every morning with his breakfast

10:35 He has a scar on his hand from when his brother threw an office chair at him as a child. They were having a play fight that got out of hand.

11:50 ‘Chairgate’ has been resolved. They have finally chosen a chair to keep in their lounge. It’s a baby version of their sofa. The last chair they tried was massive.

12:56 The last month has been insane but now they’re in the swing of it, the first few weeks were scary and hard

13:50 The first few links of the radio show are scary but after 20 mins it gets fun

14:21 Death Note talk – he thinks the character ‘Light’ looks like Dan “with the hair and the brown” and the character ‘L’ looks like him

17:06 After their radio shows he has an adrenaline crash and his Sunday nights sleeps are great

18:04 He used to have sleeping problems and so his room now is just for sleeping and filming videos. He doesn’t watch TV in there or use his computer in there.

19:45 He’s been playing The Last Story this week, he thinks it’s really good

20:57 He preferred the Final Fantasy games before they had voices

21:18 The kids at his school used to put rocks in snowballs so he’s wary of people throwing snowballs at his face

21:59 Chat: ‘Everyone’s going to fight over you on the 14th’ – Phil: “Could have like a Hunger Games style love battle where I’m in the middle and you all gotta like claw your way to the mountain. That was very narcissistic of me, wasn’t it? Everyone battle for my affections cause I am amazing. No, I’m only kidding.”

24:52 “I think there’s fetishes for everything out there.”

25:23 Someone says Phil’s face is her fetish. [Phil squishes his face] “Was that just like super porn for you? I shouldn’t have said that you might be like 10. I’m sorry.”

25:37 He goes to the kitchen to make a coffee

27:56 A girl outside the BBC gave him a champagne bottle with his face painted on it for his birthday

28:46 He shows everyone how to make coffee

32:24 He auditioned for Faintheart through Myspace. He made a quick video on the day the competition closed and out of 800 people he got down to the final 4 so he went to London for an audition and he had to roar at a casting director like a Viking and then he got the part.

34:11 He’s 6 ft 1 or 6 ft 2

36:29 A drawing game in which people dictate things for him to draw

40:26 Two of his favourite radio moments thus far are them playing Fresh Prince of Bel Air and them playing Toxic to Delia Smith - “Can’t have too many obscure Phil and Dan references though” because general audiences wouldn’t understand

41:16 Their BBC email is now ‘danandphil’ contrasting with their old BBC email ‘philanddan’ (Mentioned in his 21st July, 2012 liveshow)

42:01 They’re looking to get international streaming for their radio show by the end of the month

42:06 He’s listened to their show as a radio show whilst cleaning the kitchen or doing some work

44:31 Chat: ‘Can we be best friends?’ – Phil: “Yes. Yes, we can. I think we should spend a lot of time texting each other.”

44:46 Chat: ‘Ugh, what did your do to your neck, you freak’ – Phil: “I am a freak. [Sings 2 lines of ‘Creep’ by Radiohead but replaces the word ‘creep’ with ‘freak’] Radiohead would be proud, I’m sure.”

45:06 He’s been to Blackpool, it was a little bit scary. Someone threw bread at him when he got off the train.

46:27 He’s cooking his dinner tonight, he likes cooking

47:04 He went to Prague on New Year’s Eve once and it was freezing

47:32 Chat: ‘You seem sad’ – Phil: “I’m not sad. Do I seem sad? Maybe it’s just I’m relaxed. Um, people probably expect me to be like I am in my videos but I’m just a bit chilled out, I think. I’m not sad at all. I’m very much the opposite.”

48:57 Meekakitty just posted a video about him and Dan and the radio show. She’s going to be the guest video blogger for their show this week

51:34 He prefers coffee over tea

51:57 He likes Chinese food generally more than popcorn but he associates popcorn with going to the cinema which is one of his favourite things to do

53:12 He calls his fingernails “girly” because they’re long

Dan liveshow: 24th September, 2013

0:24 They got a new shelf (white one in the lounge) – “Yeah. It’s white. No brown shelves in this apartment. Only white. Jokes.”

0:42 Chat: ’You sound sick’ - Dan: “I’m not sick but thank you to all of the people that always tell me that I sound sick, that’s great.”

0:56 He’s still in “emotional shock” after watching GBBO

3:22 Someone took a 4 hour nap - “girl after my own heart there”

3:41 Someone bribed their sister into buying Grand Theft Auto for them – Dan: “It’s probably wildly inappropriate for you. Then again, I played GTA 3 when I was like 13. I think. It was one of those situations where my dad got GTA 3 on the PS2 and he had a talk that was like ‘you definitely, definitely can’t play this video game so I’m gonna put it here but I’m gonna just trust you and trust that you are not going to play it’ and I was like ‘yeah, sure’ and as soon as he left the house, played GTA for 2 hours but then they kinda realised and then just stopped giving a shit. Bad parenting, okay. No, that’s- that’s just- oh right stop your child from playing a game about drug dealing and murder but anyway there we go.”

4:42 Chat: ‘Is it lonely without Phil in the flat?’ – Dan: “Yeah, so, um, Phil is off filming an exciting video in Europe which was cool. He wanted to do this thing where he travelled and then had a competition then using the power of… networking all his dreams are possible so Phil is now in Europe doing fun things and if you guys are in Sweden and wherever else he goes then you could stalk him but it does mean that I’m home alone for 3 days which is fun. Yeah. Lonely. Kind of. I could socialise or go outside if I want to so I don’t think I can complain about being lonely because I have the power to socialise it’s just a deliberate choice not to, but I am constantly terrified that I’m gonna get burgled and won’t have someone to try to get shot before I can dive out of the window. Um, yeah. So mostly terri- and also just food- I’ve like- God it’s just- I- we’ve run out of food so I’m like have to go buy food just for myself and when everything comes in jars that suit families of 3 or 4 and it’s just one jar what happens when you’ve opened the jar? I don’t wanna eat the same thing twice in two days. God my life is so hard. Can you guys relate? Probably. Probably not.”

6:37 Dan law fact from studying law: “Burglary has a very, very big sentence and it’s seen as a very, very bad crime. Worse than manslaughter and GBH…”

7:28 “So yeah, uh, all the drugs and prostitutes up in this house over the next two days.”

7:56 Someone asks him what GBH is (Grievous Bodily Harm) and he goes into detail about different levels of violence. He thinks the UK legal system should adopt the degrees of homicide that the US has.

8:59 “Home alone. Alone in the apartment for 3 days so I might just leave all the lights on because obviously demons are real and the girl from The Ring will try to eat my face when I try to turn off the lights later so I might just leave on all the lights.”

9:16 Chat: ‘Dan’s one year of law experience’ – Dan: “I did A level law as well so it’s like 3 and a half years of law experience.”

9:27 Chat: ‘Can I eat your face?’ – Dan: “I’d prefer if you didn’t.”

9:51 Chat: ‘What do you ship?’ – Dan: “Broad question.”

10:06 Chat: ‘Did you watch Insidious 2?’ – Dan: “Yeah. I watched Insidious 2 and uh, mi amigo Philip did not think it was very good. I liked it…” He gives it a 6.5. You need to be willing to get into the movie talk. - “I’m cynical and miserable but I get into fiction.”

11:18 Get into the movie talk still going – Why would you pay to go see a movie if you’re not going to enjoy it, especially if you’re young - “y’all’s don’t have money, you know what I mean? I was too busy wasting money on Burger King, presents for girlfriends…”

13:29 Inspired by the Dexter ending: “I am five hundred and twelve thousand per cent done with TV shows not having good endings” this goes on for a bit

16:28 “For things to be liked by everybody, and especially like the male demographic of people that judge TV shows, things just have to be bleak as hell.”

17:18 “I have a very, very, very special place inside me sexually where American Horror Story is currently sitting.”

18:33 Chat: ‘What happened to no opinions?’ – Dan: ‘That’s not really opinions, although opinions are just bad. God, do you ever just- do you ever just go like ‘the world’s- like just well- humanity sucks’ like everyone’s so mean and negative, you know what I mean? There’s so much drama everywhere about TV shows and games and celebrities and politics and everyone’s just expressing all these opinions and it’s just like ‘ughhh can’t everyone just chill out’ you know what I mean? It’s like can’t everyone just- cause I’m just sat here looking at the internet like ‘ahhh, ahhh no, no I don’t want to go on the internet today, I’m just gonna read a book and hide.’ Do you ever get like that? Yeah. I mean don’t get me wrong I have opinions, I think that, you know, the last episode of Dexter was kinda crap and that Game of Thrones is really good but I don’t- you know I just feel like everyone needs to be less angry, you know what I mean? Yeah.”

19:40 Chat: ‘Where is Phil?’ – Dan: “Sweden.”

Irrelevant tangent: At 20:15 he mentions playing GTA that morning.

Gives credence to the claim that people met Phil in Sweden and told him that Dan missed him to which Phil replied he didn’t think Dan did because he just called him and Dan was playing GTA all day?
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20:28 He does a survey about GTA5 - Chat: ‘I want it but I’m a girl’ – Dan: “Break that gender ceiling… wall… that makes no sense.”

34:02 Chat: ‘Do you want children?’ – Dan: “Yes. I want 2 or 3 children and I will be the best parent that has ever existed. Who wants me to adopt them? Yeah. I’m joking, I’m way too busy these days but in 10 years maybe I can just win the Euro millions and just retire and be a fantastic parent who lives vicariously through the dreams of their child.”

34:27 Chat: ‘Thoughts on the death sentence?’ – Dan: “What? I don’t know.”

39:00 He’s listening Chvrches. Pewdiepie tweeted he was also listening to them - “I felt like I might tweet him and be like ‘hey man, I’m listening to Chvrches too at the moment’ but kinda scared. Haven’t met Pewdie in person yet so I’m just gonna be a silent stalker.”

40:50 Chat: ‘Do you like horror?’ – Dan: “I am an aficionado of the horror genre. I love horror even though I have a really, really, really overactive imagination and I’m a total pussy who is afraid of the dark, I am obsessed with horror movies. I’ve seen like every good horror movie and I love it and I love having opinions on the genre even though opinions are bad. I’ll address that later.”

41:19 “I have the worst over active imagination. I’m literally terrified of the dark and I get petrified of everything. […] Even though I am a raving… what d’ya want me to say here? I was gonna say something else that might offend a bunch of people but I don’t believe in ghosts or the supernatural is what I don’t believe in which is what I’m saying I don’t believe in. I don’t believe in ghosts or demons but I only fear demons. I’m not remotely afraid that I’m gonna get stabbed by a psychopath or burgled. Literally. Not even remotely afraid that I’m gonna get killed by an angry person with a knife, however I am literally constantly terrified that satan is going to kill me in the darkness even though I don’t believe in ghosts or demons. What? I know right. You know what I mean? It’s like if I had to walk through an abandoned hospital I’d be like ‘hah, what’s going to be in here? A tramp or something it’s not like anyone’s gonna, you know, come and beat me up in an abandoned hospital’ but I would be like ‘demons, fricking, fricking hospital ghosts everywhere, man, I’m freaking out’ even though don’t believe in ghosts.”

42:50 Chat: ‘Dan, are you in the illuminati?’ – Dan: “No, I’ve only been working at the BBC for one year.”

43:48 Chat: ‘How much do you weigh?’ – Dan: “I don’t know actually. Um, I just have this graph. I have an app- I have digital scales and you stand on them and it plots a graph showing your BMI going up or down over the months which is kinda depressing but also interesting but I don’t know the figure off the top of my head. I don’t understand kilograms.”

44:09 Chat: ‘Why are your cheekbones so pronounced?’ – Dan: “Are they? I don’t have a jaw, I have a really podgy face.”

44:19 PJ is doing something that is aligned with what Phil is doing in Sweden “with the help of funding from a thing”

47:12 “So yeah let’s talk about opinions. The last 2 weeks I was having a bit of an issue and I was gonna say that I was just gonna generally stop expressing opinions. That evolved into the thought that I expressed the other day, I think that opinions are okay as long as you’re either not a douche when you express them or you just don’t express them in situations that are unnecessary for the situation you’re expressing them about. For instance, if you dislike a piece of artwork in a gallery, that’s fine, that’s great, good on you. Um, it’s not cool to be like ‘that’s crap and I hope the artist dies and they feel really bad cause it sucks’ uh, that’s one thing that’s bad. But then if you’re also gonna be like ‘kinda sucks and I hate it, eh I’m just saying that it just kinda sucks’ and the artist’s in the corner of the room, that’s gonna make the artist sad. You know what I mean? So, I mean I don’t personally have a problem- I mean I’ve been a youtuber for 4 years, I’m used to people telling me that giant scorpions should gang rape my family for 4 years so I’m impervious to opinions but I just don’t like going on the internet and seeing opinions being expressed in a shit stormy way you know, it’s like- I go on reddit a lot and reddit is sometimes a good place for intellectual conversation and sometimes just a place where loads of morons gather together and have a giant ball of being morons together, you know what I mean? So it’s like, uh, sometimes people will be like ‘hmm, I think this about this’ and I’ll be like ‘wow this is such an interesting conversation’ and then someone will just be like ‘hey guys I’m on the internet dsjflsdkjflskflsg’ and I’m just like ‘ahh, ahh internet’ and then sometimes it just makes me depressed that so much of the internet are morons but I’m in a good mood this week so I’m okay, you know what I mean? I’m fine, don’t worry about me but I’m generally insane, when I joke about my existential crisis’ it’s really an issue when every other day my entire life just gets thrown into this vortex of ‘ahhhh’ where every single thing, I might make a video about it one day, but yeah, um, explaining what an existential crisis is. But yeah I just feel like it’s hard for me to live a consistent life when my feelings about several situations change so often, I don’t know if you guys feel the same but yeah, that’s cool.”

50:49 Chat: ‘Will you ever try vlogging?’ – Dan: “What, you mean like daily vlogging? Occasionally but I like- you know, I’m a very different kind of video maker. I might, cause you know everyone has their styles, and my style of video is that I like making videos about things. They’re not all wordy videos about stuff, sometimes they’re just fun videos where I talk about some of my first times or I talk about internet slang with Jack and Finn or go on tumblr with Phil, um, but I like all of my videos to be individual moments, do you know what I mean? It’s like I like my videos to be timeless in the sense that I don’t like my videos to be like ‘todays episode of cutewinfail’ or this or whatever or todays blah blah blah or this week’s blah blah blah. I like every video I make to be Dan on a topic, you know what I mean? So it’s like I make a video about something and I like to make it so that it’s everything I want to say about something in one moment that will remain forever on the internet as opposed to vlogs which are kind of just like what’s this person up to today, I want my things to be like little balls of goodness that are timeless and will be about something and on the internet forever, you know what I mean? That’s kinda my vibe which is why my videos take longer to make than other people also cause, you know, I don’t wanna, I, um, the fact of the matter is, cause there’s a lot of aspiring youtuber’s out here today, and the fact of the matter is you should have a schedule if you’re a youtuber. It’s just, you know with subscription boxes not working and youtube changing its update you should have a day where you upload and I tried to do Thursdays and then Fridays last year and it’s just there are a couple times when my need to make a video caught up with how honestly creatively inspired to make something I was in that week, you know what I mean? So it’s like, don’t get me wrong, if I ever crack the key to existential crisis’ or change my work flow then I’d love to make a video every week so let’s all fricking hope and pray that one day I’ll have a fricking hard ass schedule where it is every week cause that’d be great. I mean that’s just a fact, you should. If you’re an aspiring youtuber don’t look up to me, just do.”

53:51 “But also with the daily vlogs thing it’s like I could daily vlog and I could like making daily vlogs but I wouldn’t want to do it regularly because, uh, you reveal a lot about yourself but it’s just a lot about your day to day life, and I’m not saying that my day to day life wouldn’t be funny cause I’m sure I’d be hyper enough in a video to be funny but, uh, it’s just I- you know, I like to live my life and then creatively work up to something I put on the internet and then put it on there as opposed to just the day to day stuff, you know what I mean? So I do occasionally, like there was the day in the life of Dan and Phil and I like to do daily vlogs sometimes now that I have a good camera I could decide to make them about things so it’s like if I- I could make a typical day when I make a video or a typical day when I’ve got a radio show or if I’m going to go on an adventure in the countryside, yeah I could make a video about that but not like every day vlogging because most of my days are just rolling around on the carpet pondering about the universe so yeah. I’m just not that kind of person, y’alls know what I mean?”

55:04 He’s too busy for vlogs on his second channel

55:20 He apologises for the radio show not working. He said it’d be international but it didn’t work and they didn’t find out until after the show had finished. – “I was very angry and I metaphorically flipped about a thousand tables and Phil was very mad as well.” It was a technical error and an accident.

56:19 “‘You know what I mean’ said Dan for the 50 millionth time. I should get that on a- tattoo it onto my face cause it’s all I say.” yes it is and yes you should

56:31 Chat: ‘What’s your haircut called?’ – Dan: “What is my haircut called? I don’t ask for anything. My hair cut is kind of- how would I describe it? Um, my hair cut, if you wanna write down the name of it to pitch it to a hair dresser was, ‘I used to want to be an emo when I was 16 but then that kind of went out of fashion so then I kind of still like looking edgy with a side fringe cause I think that side fringes look cool but definitely not emo kind of like a KPop star like a you know like a guy in a KPop band but also kind of 2013 I don’t want people to think I’m strange so kind of not really like an emo cause that’s awful but a bit KPop-y and a bit like an anime guy but then slightly fashionable in a 2013 anorexic Topman model kind of way who could possibly be in an indie band’ that’s probably what my hair cut is but I’ve never, ever been happy with my hair and I don’t think I ever will be.” He goes on about how a lot of people like to romanticise his longer hair from a couple years ago but it didn’t look good in person.

58:31 He asks if there’s anything else people want to talk about, someone says ‘bullying’ – “It’s very sad and it’s the product of bad parenting and social issues and behind every bully is a sad child that just wants to be happy within themselves or just a sadist that doesn’t appreciate sad feelings of others but kids, man, kids are the worst.”

59:13 He tries to decide what to have for dinner. Either pizza, fish and chips or he could walk and buy some vegetables to make a stir fry. – “I wish I had a friend to come to my house.”

59:52 Chat: ‘Call up Chris.’ – Dan: “He’s probably sleeping.”

1:00:06 His life is too spontaneous right now to get a pet

1:00:51 Someone asks him to do their chemistry homework. He talks about how he never got chemistry at school because he didn’t pay attention. He regrets it. He appreciates science a lot more now he’s an adult. He spends a lot of his free time on Wikipedia physics pages - “When I didn’t like it at school. Go figure. Maybe that’s just cause the school was bad, you know what I mean? They’re not inspiring the learning. God, society’s so effed up. School should be this wonderful learning thing where everyone makes friends and learns about the world but instead it’s just the worst because most teachers are just- you know, some teachers are really nice and inspiring people and then others are just people that didn’t achieve their dreams and are just aren’t, you know, they don’t know that the future of all the children that they teach is in their hands and the parents- everything is down to the parents, you know what I mean? Just don’t have kids if you’re not ready to be the best parent that’s ever existed and install all the wisdom from your life and make sure that nothing bad that happened to you happens to them but anything bad that happens in our life is because of the teachers and the parents and the people in charge, you know what I mean? It’s a very messed up system and it’s a sad universe and our society, it’s just- it’s good but it’s not as good as it should be, you know what I mean?”

1:03:41 “Guys, be good, happy people that improve the world for everyone else. Chill out, do what you want, have fun on the internet, ditch the friends that aren’t good and make your life cool and swagular and awesome.”

Dan liveshow: 2nd October, 2013

0:02 He wishes he could play the guitar but he spends too much time on the internet/reddit

1:20 His blue llama shirt was given to him by a fan

2:31 Pewdiepie tweeted him but he’s never met him “which is sad”

5:25 It’s been almost a year since his video with Jack and Finn, we’re all dying

5:49 He was 10/10 A+ happy with the ending of Breaking Bad

6:48 Everyone keeps asking what he thinks about Phil’s hair – “There we go, that’s right up there with the shutdown of the government. Um, if you didn’t know my friend Phil dyed his hair cosmic blue which is that black blue shade. Um, what do I think of it? Uh, cool. It looks pretty much the same, as his hair was already black it didn’t really go that blue so it’s just kind of a slightly bluer shade of black than a browny shade of black but I- I- I- think it’s cool. Yes.”

7:25 He had a hair cut

8:57 He needs to have an awkward cup at a party

11:01 They got a new bookcase - “we got a white one cause the brown one was skanky and we got it from Argos and it costed like 15 pounds and it looked gross.”

11:22 He uploaded a video yesterday, it was Cringe Attack. He was inspired to make it because it happened.

12:45 Chat: ‘Do you ever think you’ll do a collab with Pewdiepie?’ – Dan: “I like the idea of doing that, so yes. I, you know, I need to start collaborating with youtubers more because I’m like- I’m- compared to the typical youtuber I’m pretty much as antisocial on the internet as I am in real life as in I’ve made about three or four collaborations in the whole of- actually how many people have I collaborated with in 2013 other than Phil who doesn’t count? Anyone? So you see it’s exactly reflective of how antisocial I am in real life. So yeah, I need to make videos with more of my youtube friends cause I’ve got ideas of videos I want to make with Anthony and people and Jack and Finn again and stuff.”

13:41 Chat: ‘I like that you don’t collab, collabs are annoying.’ – Dan: “Uh, I like t- I like to think, not that there’s anything- I don’t think that other people’s collabs are annoying but I, you know, when I do a collab I make them cool.”

13:57 He starts talking about Pomeranians being one of his favourite dog breeds but they look brainless, he finishes with: “they look like they have about 3 brain cells but they’re super cute, you know what I mean?”

14:14 Immediately after the aforementioned sentence he continues: “Speaking of which, I saw a video that Tanya Burr and DailyGrace did today where they snog/marry/avoided and Grace said she wanted to marry me and Tanya said she wanted to snog me. Uh, apparently Tanya didn’t think I’d see that video and felt a bit awkward but yeah that was- thanks, ladies.”

14:36 Someone asks whether he’s going to Brazil, he’d like to go there. - “Have I gone on like a tangenty waffle before in these liveshows about how I think that, uh, crowds that watch music are- people always say the best crowds are from Southern America and- which I think is reflective of, uh, their second world nature. Have I gone on about that? Yeah? I don’t know but I just- I think like the reason My Chemical Romance go to Mexico City and they’re the craziest gig of their life and why people in Brazil really love Muse is because, um, it’s hard for people in America and England and various European countries to relate to angsty, revolutionary lyrics because life is so first world. Whereas if you’re in Egypt and you’re a Muse fan, suddenly all of the reasons every British person thinks that Muse’s lyrics are totally ridiculous are like kinda true, you know? So then all the people are kind of like ‘yeah, our government is corrupt, I’m into rock music’ whereas everyone in England’s kind of like ‘I’m not thinking too hard about the lyrics but yeah’ [coughs] interesting. Maybe.”

16:27 “‘Sorry I missed the beginning, have you talked about Phil’s hair yet?’ See, I told you, up there with the collapse of the government and various other important news stories, what do I think of my friend Phil’s hair that’s slightly bluer than it was last week. It- it- well, it looks mostly the same but slightly blue and cool.”

22:00 “Me and Phil walk around the house just shouting anime impressions at each other. I’ll be like ‘Phil, have you got the USB stick?’ and he’ll go ‘Mikasaaa’ from the other side of the apartment.”

22:29 His reading of the Game of Thrones book hasn’t caught up with the show yet

22:50 He has a specific fear of man-made objects under water

23:09 Chat: ‘Would you ever dye your hair for us?’ – Dan: “I like that you asked if I would ever dye my hair for you as opposed to me dyeing my hair for myself. Would I ever dye my hair for you? Uh, I don’t know. If I was in a charity auction and I said I was gonna bleach my hair but I don’t really wanna dye my hair because I like my natural bland shade of brown.”

24:05 After a series of mundane questions – “Oh god, the quality of the comments is deteriorating I need to start a conversation about something. Who keeps apples in the fridge and who keeps apples in the cupboard?”

24:17 He uploaded a video and everyone’s just interested in the fact that he keeps his apples in the fridge - “Oh god, I’m starting a war. Oh, this is like cut for Bieber but worse.”

25:10 “I don’t really think about it that much I think like- I think- flatmate Phil’s the person that bought the apples that’s keeping them in the fridge. I’m not an apple person. I don’t really like apples that much. I don’t like the skin.” He prefers green apples to red. Green apples are “ejaculatey in your mouth when you bite into them.”

25:56 People in the comments of his video are convinced he’s wearing pink lipstick – He wasn’t, it was the light.

26:37 “A lot of people were like ‘okay, Dan, I’m a straight guy, I’m subscribed to your videos, and I’m cool with whatever life choices you want to make bro, but are you wearing lipstick?’ and I’m like I’m not wearing lips- what? Obviously why- why would I wear pink lipstick? Not that there’s anything wrong with someone wear- but I’m just- no. What? Do I just have a really weird face? Cause everyone seems to be convinced that I’m either wearing mascara or eyeliner or lipstick all the time. No. What? I- I think that’s what we’ve established here, I just have a weird face basically.

27:24 He talks about a One Direction Day event. He draws parallels with the event and his liveshow. (28.24) - “Cause the reason people are excited for these things is because people that seem inaccessible to them become- you know, you get to see them, which is why a lot of you guys like this cause obviously this is- this is me waffling immensely about nothing whether or not it actually at all represents what I’m actually like in person…” he keeps talking about the event.

29:11 Someone’s mum won’t let them play GTA5 – “If I had a child I maybe wouldn’t let them play Grand Theft Auto until they were 14 or 15 depending on how mature emotionally and mentally they seemed but I for one did steal my dad’s copy of Grand Theft Auto 3 when I was 13, I think.”

30:21 Chat: ‘How long do you plan on making youtube videos?’ – Dan: “Until I die or have a total mental break down, I guess.”

30:58 He’s not tattoo person talk, he’s not cool enough. – “Cause I don’t know whatever you think or whatever your opinion of me is but I’m definitely inherently not cool. I’m you know, it’s- it’s- that’s like- it’s a definite thing. Cause when I go to Radio1 and I spend 5 minutes having an awkward conversation with Nick Grimshaw I’m like ‘you are painfully cool’ and I’m like just- just- like an inherently not a cool person.”

32:52 Troll/twitter troll discussion. There’s a specific kind of troll unique to twitter - “they act like female American pop music fans but kind of like the bitchy, sassy kind of maybe black and gay fan that’s like obsessed with Lana Del Rey, or maybe Nicki Minaj or maybe Rihanna and their name will be like @rihannaslut…” but they just @ reply celebrities with insults. He can’t picture them in the way he can imagine what a reddit troll will look like. There are also genuine fans that do this too ie/ a celebrity will tweet something and the replies will be like ‘you’re perfect’ / ‘have sex with me’ etc. He thinks it’s weird.

39:07 He brushes his teeth after breakfast, he used to see his mum brush her teeth before breakfast. He does a survey.

41:17 He’s busy tonight, he’s got boring things to do

41:34 Chat: ‘Talk about the government shut down.’ – Dan: “No. I’m far too ignorant to express any meaningful opinions on that to be honest.”

41:50 He and Phil are doing “back stage reporting” for the R1 teen awards

42:53 He was on CBBC’s Friday Download. He’s not a kid’s TV person and when he arrived he made a joke and the producer was like no.

44:10 Chat: ‘What happened to the no opinions thing’? – Dan: “Um, yeah I think- the no opinions thing- I think some opinions are okay but on the whole it’s better to just avoid it. It depends what mood I’m in to be honest.”

45:06 He’s a movie or book kind of person, he doesn’t like comic books. He gives an opinion.

47:25 He’s doesn’t like peanuts, he used to feed peanuts to a parrot he once knew

52:10 Chat: ‘You’re so patronising to 12 year olds.’ – Dan: “What? How am I patronising to 12 year olds? I’m like the only person in the entire world that thinks the whole 12 year old, you know, thing is stupid. How old you are says nothing about how you behave. I mean, generally speaking, the younger you are, the less mentally mature you are but that’s- there’s nothing wrong with that because that’s the same with all humans so if everybody looks back on their life and cringes at how they acted when they were 13 then that’s just life but you know saying ‘12 year olds’ is just an expression, but I don’t like to say it. Um, I mean I’ve personally always considered myself somebody that’s mentally behind. When all my friends were 16 I was acting like a 12 year old. Like I’ve always said to myself that I’m mentally and physically three years behind. Seriously. It’s like I don’t have full facial hair yet which is why I still have the body of a 10 year old girl, basically. Which means that I’m probably gonna live until I’m like 125 because I still look 14.”

53:23 Chat: ‘Dan, do you still hate yourself?’ – Dan: “Ah, you see this is the problem when I tweet things sarcastically and then three years later they’re taken out of context.”

53:34 His favourite tea is ‘Iron Goddess of Mercy’

54:22 Chat: ‘What do you look for in a girl?’ – Dan: “The lego brick that I misplaced.”

55:37 He’s excited to see Gravity, at first he thought he’d just laugh - “I’m someone that loves Sandra Bullock but kinda laughs when I see her, but I love her” but then he realised it’s directed by Alfonso Cuarón and now he’s excited.

59:07 He was busy when DailyGrace was at youtube. He doesn’t miss his youtuber friends because he always sees their videos, tweets, and skypes them etc.

1:00:20 “One of my favourite youtubers ever was cutewithchris but then he had a mental break down and stopped. Maybe it’s a premonition.”

1:01:21 He’s been invited to the last two gamescom’s but he was busy

1:03:04 Britney Spears’ new song is “so shit” but he loves her

1:06:21 He used to speak fluent French when he was 5 because he went to French club

1:07:49 He’s only been hungover “like 3 or 4 times” in his life

Dan liveshow: 10th, December, 2013

1:10 The radiators in his apartment don’t work

2:51 He’s an “impulse tweeter”

4:45 He’s been listening to Justin Bieber all day but no opinions because he doesn’t “do opinions”- “It’s fun talking about stuff when you can’t express opinions.”

5:16 He uploaded Psycho Thoughts yesterday – The name is “an ironically tacky name. If you guys, um, cause obviously there’s a lot of new people subscribed to me, quite often if I name my videos something and it’s in caps lock I disgust myself. The word ‘ironic’ just makes me wanna throw up now because it’s like Maltesers, it’s become so much of a thing that just thinking about the word ‘irony’ just makes me want to pull out my eyes and then throw up on them, but you know it’s like when you see a video of mine with a caps lock title then it’s kind of like a reference to how other youtubers, you know, or some people rather, give their videos really tacky titles, so, um, I could have called it like ‘a thorough discussion on the psyche of such people’ but no I go PSYCHO THOUGHTS in caps lock is much better. So, that’s a youtube thing.”

6:44 He once got a comment from someone about how they think that he thinks he’s good at making videos but he only uses iMovie songs. He denounces this and says that the ‘generic vlog music’ he uses is a deliberate choice on his behalf because they were all the songs people used in 2008 on youtube. - “It’s me. It’s a real kind of like nostalgic reference to old school youtube and how everyone uses the same songs.”

8:22 “[Phil] also is a big fan of kind of ironically using crappy iMovie songs. I think Phil is best at using the really short ones incredibly randomly.”

9:21 “I think that so much part of my like sense of humour is kind of deliberately shit in the sense that, um, like a lot of youtubers that do like sketchy things you can see how their production quality’s increased over time, you know what I mean? It’s like if you watch something like a really early Smosh video then it’s like obviously they’ve just done it themselves with cameras in their bedrooms but then these days now they’ve got like camera crews and they’re outside and they’ve got like actors and stuff like that whereas I was always very keen that no matter how much I could improve I’d always want my videos to look as shit as possible which is why I just google image search the word ‘bear’ and then just drop a bear into the video cause I think there’s a real art to something looking intentionally shit and that’s a big part of what I do.”

11:07 He bought a tiny gold tinsel tree for his bedroom and that’s the only Christmas decoration in his room

11:54 “Me and Phil don’t actually know anything about decorating, because we just don’t, so we asked a female friend of ours to just get loads of Christmas decorations for our apartment cause, uh, yeah, I mean I can’t do interior decorating so I was just like ‘female, buy things for us.’”

12:59 He talks about December for a while

14:45 The only way to warm up their apartment is to use the fire but that drains out all the oxygen

15:43 Chat: ‘I worry about you sometimes.’ – Dan: “Yes, I mean if you didn’t worry about me before I guess after my last video you probably worried about me quite a lot.” Video talk.

17:28 “Everyone I speak to keeps being like oh- you know like old people when you see them they’re like ‘oop how is life? Are you keeping busy?’ it’s like as if anyone ever wants to be busy, you know what I- [blughh] it’s like yeah, okay yeah I’m really busy cause being busy’s fun I’m like ‘noooo, I wanna be less busy. I wanna cry cause I’m so busy. I just wanna do nothing but stay inside.’”

18:44 He’s read most of Mocking Jay but he’ll finish it in India when he goes if his “visa gets applied for.” Applying for a visa to go to India is “not a good experience” because you can’t do it online and their website is bad.

20:19 Tanned Dan will be back. He is “slightly olive-ly shaded” but you can’t really see it unless he’s been in the sun. He’ll come back his “natural shade of gold.”

21:53 He has nothing planned for when he hits 3 million subs. He thinks hitting 1 million subs deserves a vid but not the millions after.

22:56 Someone asked him if he likes Rebecca Black’s new song. He likes her - “As a non-aggressive person who chooses to have an extremely unaggressive and positive outlook on the life I didn’t really hate Rebecca Black when I- I don’t really feel hatred towards people like Rebecca Black or Justin Bieber or Miley Cyrus.” He ironically loved Friday. He’s met Rebecca Black, she’s nice.

23:44 “Generally, don’t be mean to people even Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber, they might be famous and have loads of money but they are people and they might be sad when they see people being mean about them on the internet.”

24:06 He talks about her new song briefly – “Stopping with opinions now. It’s a dangerous line, it’s a dangerous line, and by even telling people to not say mean things about Justin Bieber that’s too strong of an opinion.”

25:39 Spotify update. Migos, Henry Mancini, who is a man who makes house music. He explains house music for a bit – “It’s what my parents used to listen to so I grew up listening to a lot of house music” and he randomly remembered a song which he felt nostalgic for. (The song he plays is called Sing it Back by Moloko but he said Henry Mancini so I got kinda confused here idk)

28:16 Also Mac Miller apparently but he said Spotify lies

29:09 Someone asks whether India has bathrooms and he talks about how India is a developed country, not mud huts. The place he’s going to is quite touristy.

29:33 He talks about how people in England don’t appreciate how much they know about other cultures because England is very multi-cultured.

31:44 He has no friends that would ever go to Sonisphere or Download Festival (He wants to go to a Rammstein concert)

31:52 He gets a call from Louise, he answers and it’s awkward - Louise: “The one time you actually pick up your phone you’re on younow.”

32:43 He never wants to know if any of his real life friends watch his younow shows

33:12 Talks about Youtube Rewind - “Opinions, especially anti google opi-” Google got “slightly less racist” and asked UK people to be in it this year, unlike last year. LA people got to do cool things but the UK people just had to hold a button and dance.

35:58 His grandma calls him, he answers – She says “Hello everybody on the internet, wish you all a Merry Christmas.”

36:52 “Speaking of awkward [sighs] I know a lot of people out there that are unnecessarily cynical like to think that sometimes I tweet things that I’m just trying to say to be relatable when actually they’re things that have happened in my life. Um, I had another incredibly awkward moment the other da- It wasn’t that awkward- It kinda was. Okay so me and Phil did something with Conor Maynard for our radio show that’s happening when it’s Phil by himself…” He tells a story about how he had to leave the room so Phil and Conor Maynard could do something for a secret challenge video and he was just on the internet sitting on a squishy cube and then Conor Maynard leaves and he did an awkward goodbye thing. Cringe attack.

39:09 He and Phil once ran past The Wanted cause they thought The Wanted wouldn’t recognise them but they did and they tried to start a conversation with them and it was awkward

39:28 People doubt him but really every conversation he has is awkward - “And I’ve realised what it is. When I’m in the middle of a conversation I can act like I know what’s happening but I just can’t end conversations. It’s like handshakes as well, it freaks me out. I just- I don’t know how everyone knows this but um, I mean I’ve made videos about all of these things about these airport incidents and cringe attacks. I made a video that was a really excellent idea for a video called… Stupid Handshakes…” he can’t do handshakes, he just doesn’t understand. He tries to look busy when he’s meeting someone for the first time.

44:29 His new magic track pad is awful. - “Me and Phil got a new computer for editing” so he bought a magic track pad.

45:55 His legs are still pretty smooth after the waxing video

46:35 He put the waxing video on his side channel because it “wasn’t very danisnotonfire” and only his liveshow people knew why he was doing it in the first place. He talks about the Danisnotonfire Quality Threshold. Pewdiepie’s taught people to upload all videos to one channel. Some people thought he uploaded it to dini because he thought Louise wasn’t good enough to go on danisnotonfire, he rejects that.

48:36 He thinks Zelda is overrated, it is one of his favourite video games of his though.

48:51 “I’m a very anti-circle jerk kinda guy.”

49:32 Chat: ‘Do you have friends?’ – Dan: “Um, I have like five but I haven’t seen them other than that one time the girl came to my house which was to film a video which probably doesn’t count. No life.”

50:21 Sunday is the final radio show of the year, it’s the last one where they’re both there.

51:30 Chat: ‘Opinions on feminism?’ – Dan: “It’s a strange question, it’s like opinions on racism or like the murder of innocent babies. Um, I think that feminism is a good thing that the world needs much like several other aspects of society that aren’t entirely fair.”

51:55 He’s a big metal fan. He was really into nu metal when he was 12. Is metal dead as a genre?

52:53 He’s been too busy lately to upload often. He did five videos this month but they didn’t all go on danisnotonfire. He plans to make more videos in 2014 and be less busy.

54:08 Someone asks what’s going on with his shop thing – Dan: “Yeah, um, Phil decided, good guy Phil, should be a meme…” that for at least this Christmas they should have a UK based store because right now their merch goes through District Lines in the US which takes ages to get places outside of America.

55:54 They filmed a video of them signing all of their new posters – “We were gonna put it on the website and speed it up and be like ‘hey look, here’s a little like speeded up video of us signing all the posters for 4 minutes’ which woulda looked really cool but then Phil- basically like the camera was under his chin so Phil just looked like /this/ for the entire video so I was like ‘oh, I’m sure people will understand, Phil’ and Phil was like ‘no, I’m not putting that on the internet’ so, um, yeah it was quite funny, because of where the camera was it was a really unattractive camera angle and Phil was just like ‘nope.’”

56.33 Buy the stuff if you want - “It’s that kind of thing that supports your favourite content creators that means that they won’t have a mental break down about how secure their career is and then quit to go become an office person.”

57:59 There might be enough footage left over for Phil is not on fire 5 bloopers on dini

58:52 He’ll upload the pinof 5 bloopers at some point - “maybe when I’m home for Christmas and I’m bored and got nothing to do because what is there to do when you’re around your family other than be antisocial on the internet?”

59:48 Closing message: “Convert to Buddhism and mediate peacefully on a mountain in Nepal every day until you achieve enlightenment.”

Last edited by lefthandedism on Fri Aug 03, 2018 10:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason:put video under spoiler for ease of page loading

7:20 He can only read when he’s on holiday, he feels like he’s wasting time when he reads in England

9:51 His accent his half northern / half southern

10:54 “I think Dan just fell over. I heard noise.”

11:15 Drawing game

15:09 He can speak German but he’s never been to Germany. He met a nice girl from Germany on the tube in London the other week

18:29 He wants to go to Japan

18:57 Chat: ‘The Wanted or One Direction?’ – Phil: “I kind of have a soft spot for One Direction.”

20:31 He might be going to Reading Festival

20:37 Chat: ‘Favourite One Direction member?’ – Phil: “I remember saying Niall but that was to like lick Maltesers off or something cause he was the cleanest. I don’t even know what I meant by that.”

21:56 Supernote game - “I warn you I’ve got pretty long lungs”

24:36 His favourite Starbucks drink is a caramel macchiato or if it’s a warm day, a oreo cookie frappuccino

25:19 He sings along to a Weebl song

26:17 Chat: ‘Where is Dan?’ – Phil: “He’s next door doing some video stuff. He will come in later because this is the Phil show, it is not the Phil and Dan show but he will come in later.”

29:29 [Phil reads something from the chat] – “I’m not a beautiful girl. Philipa is the girl version of me.”

30:38 Drawing game

35:11 He’s got a new video coming soon with a mystery guest

35:44 He stayed at Bryony’s house “for a long time,” he and Dan were only meant to stay for a day

38:22 He draws Pokemon

39:41 He likes piercings, he doesn’t think he’d suit one. He draws a lip piercing on his lip with permanent marker

40:46 He draws a tattoo of cheese on his arm

42:16 Chat: ‘Are you really planning to move?’ – Phil: “Maaybe. We’ll see. A few things have got to happen that haven’t happened before we could. Not that I wanna leave Manchester but, you know, perhaps. There is rumours.”

42:36 He gets his hair straightener and straightens his hair

44:50 He goes to find Dan, Dan scares him

45:20 Dan enters the show

46:37 They open a box and Phil cuts himself with scissors. The box has food and knick knack toys etc.

3:15 Phil: “I feel awkward doing this show now cause Dan’s just sat in the corner of the room.”
Dan: “I’m not doing anything.”

4:43 “My parents used to make me like insane birthday cakes when I was little and I remember for like my 9th birthday- they’d make like a birthday cake around what I was interested in at the time, and for my 9th birthday it was just a computer and all my friends were like ‘wow, that’s weird.’ They’d all get like football cakes and Crash Bandicoot cakes, mine was just a computer but props to the parents for making homemade computer cakes, I mean they didn’t have to do that.”

5:22 The camera is dark, he goes to the window for some light – “I almost showed you out the window but I’m not going to. [Shows a brief glimpse outside] Ah! Don’t look. Stalkers. I know one of you is a stalker… I’m suspecting stalkers. I can feel them, the vibrations are there.”

6:04 Dan’s just got Guild Wars 2 - “So he’s probably never gonna speak to me again. He’s going to be the quietest house mate ever. I was like ‘do you want a cup of coffee, Dan’ and that was- when did I offer you that coffee?”
Dan: “I dunno, like 2 hours ago.”
Phil: “Have you drunk it?”
Dan: “Uh, I drank it when you came into the room so you wouldn’t shout at me for not drinking the coffee that you made me.”
Phil: “Oh. Yeah, I make him coffees and then he just never drinks them because he’s too engrossed in the game.”

7:23 He wasn’t sure if liked Madness at first but he’s getting into it

9:54 Someone mentions Leeds, he’s been there twice. He doesn’t like that you need to get buses everywhere in Leeds. He doesn’t like towns where you have to take buses everywhere, he’d rather walk or take the underground.

10:14 He liked SitC. “Sorry for leaving on Sunday. There was this massive drama on tumblr, everyone said I was upset and I wasn’t upset, I just got really hot and I needed some ice-cream or something. Uh, so I was like ‘ugh, I’m too hot, I need to leave’ cause I thought I was gonna faint, but that’s not your fault. I wasn’t- there was no drama involved, everyone was lovely. If you look at all the pictures from Sunday I’m like ‘yayy’ hugging people, I’m not like ‘ughgh, I’m being bullied, I’m being abused.’”

11:19 “No one licked my face and no one licked Dan’s face. It was a big fabrication.”

11:48 “How tall are me and Dan? We’re about the same height. The jury’s out on who is taller. Uh, I think Dan might be taller, though I might just slouch.”

12:15 Chat: ‘Dan’s taller’ – Phil: “Yeah, I think he’s a tiny bit taller.”
Dan: “I’m not taller, I just stand up straight.”
Phil: “Yeah, but if I stand up straight I’m still- I think I’m still a bit shorter than you.”
Dan: “Yeah, plan early to save yourself from the laptop posture.”

20:30 “Meghan’s little brother looked at the screen and said ‘awww, cute’ that’s nice. Maybe him and Amber’s cat can get it together. Sorry. I didn’t say that.”

20:53 Chat: ‘Ohmygod, it’s the guy from The Weakest Link’ – Phil: “Will you guys stop that? We were talking about The Weakest Link yesterday and like what I would have spent the money on. I would have been the coolest guy. I was only- How was I? 18 when I was on the show. I could have had 3000 pounds. I’d have bought a playstation 3. I’d have bought a computer. When I was 18 I had the just a desktop PC… Yeah, it was the scariest thing ever, never go on a TV quiz show. There’s also secrets. You know when everyone’s writing on the cards? You’re not really writing on the cards. You write the name of the person but then they film everyone and they’re like ‘continue to pretend writing.’ It’s a sham. Yeah, they filmed me pretending to write on the boards, I was like ‘what.’ I can’t put it on youtube though which sucks cause it’s all copyright to the BBC. I’d love to but I can’t. Ann Robinson was scary. They don’t prepare you for it at all. You go straight out into the studio, they don’t let you have a practise, they just start filming straight away, that’s why all the contestants on The Weakest Link look terrified. You’re just like [makes face] and then they’re like ‘what, what is this’ and you’re like ‘bahhh.’ That’s why everyone gets the questions stupidly wrong as well.”

22:21 “Someone says they know my cousin Alisa. I don’t have a cousin called Alisa so you’re probably speaking to a psychopath.”

22:50 “Jess stroked Dan’s glabella at Summer in the City. [To Dan] Do you remember Jess stroking your glabella at Summer in the City?”
Dan: “I do indeed, it was an intimate moment surrounded by people.”
Phil: “He said ‘it was an intimate moment surrounded by people.’”

23:57 They’re trying to do SAP but it’s just taking a while to make things “official” with mydamnchannel

24:19 The Muse poster was in Dan’s room but they got a frame so they put it in the lounge

25:25 Someone compliments his shirt, he shows it more clearly – “God. I just looked obese then. I don’t have fat rolls, that was all just wrinkles. Honest.”

26:16 He plays a Lemongrab ‘unacceptable’ loop video

26:43 “Luke just said ‘how on earth does Dan tolerate this’… he has headphones on, he can’t hear.”

26:53 “Amy’s family now thinks that she’s strange. Good. It’s a good thing to be strange. Don’t be normal. Normalness leads to sadness. Advice from Phil.”

28:18 Their spare room is currently filled with boxes and they’re trying to decide what to do with it

29:00 Their spare room is small, he’s thinking of making it into a ‘games room.’ A gym would be too sad.

39:48 Chat: ‘How is Daniel?’ – Phil: “How are you doing, Daniel?”
Dan: “What?”
Phil: “How are you?”
Dan: “Good. How is the person that asked?”
Phil: “How are you? I didn’t see your name.”
Dan: “Phil, you can’t just let somebody ask me how I’m feeling and not let me ask them back. What will I do for the rest of my life? It will be like a weird romantic comedy where I go searching for the person that asked me how I was in Phil’s younow show.”
Phil: “Dan, that could have been your ultimate girlfriend.”
Dan: “It could have been my soulmate and-”
Phil: “Your soul-”
Dan: “-you just ruined it by not remembering their name.”
Phil: “I just ruined Dan’s soulmate.”
Dan: “You’re the worst person alive.”

41:03 Phil: “Holly says you smell, Dan.”
Dan: “Well tell Holly her mum smells-”
Phil: “Holly, your mum smells-”
Dan: “-in the butt.”
Phil: “-in the butt. I just felt like I was possessed by Dan then for a second.”

43:39 Whenever he watches a movie with his parents “there’s always some like alien sex scene in it, not always alien, but there’s always some kind of awkward sex that you just wouldn’t expect, even if it’s just like a 12.”

43:57 He recommends not watching True Blood with parents, he feels awkward watching it with his friends. He thinks the camera is “too low down” in the True Blood sex scenes

44:18 “Game of Thrones is the nakedest. I think its 10 minute long lesbian sex scene will go down in history.”

44:34 He shows more of their DVD collection

44:59 It’s weird owning a Russell Kane DVD now that Phil’s met him – “He does look like me though, right? He looks like me mixed- I look- He looks like my father and Brian Cox is my mother.”

46:12 “The next person to say ‘toast’ becomes my official soulmate.”

46:19 “Emily’s penis is tingling. TMI.”

46:25 “Chloe B is my official soulmate. Whoop! Me and Chloe B are gonna go on a date together. Where should we go? Where should me and Chloe B go?”

47:53 “Would you guys hate me if I cut my hair and got like a little quiffy thing?” He’s sick of his hair being in his face in the heat. He doesn’t want to have had the same haircut for his entire life and “when [he] get[s] to the pearly gates” look back with regret.

49:58 He had a bowl cut as a child, he still hasn’t forgiven his parents for it

50:54 He met Jack and Finn at SitC, they were nice. He didn’t know Jacksgap was “a thing” but he looked them up and saw they have hundreds of thousands of subscribers.

51:26 He’s never met a youtuber he’s really hated – “Um, I’ve got a few that I’m not a fan of. I’m not a fan of RWJ, only c- I just don’t watch his videos.” He ends the discussion about youtubers he doesn’t like there.

52:32 He wants to have PJ and Chris over to his house to make another video. He loves the other videos they’ve made. – RE: his spin the bottle video: “Oh, I feel bad for PJ and Chris though cause the thumbnail of that is them about to kiss and that’s just gets all the creeps that are wanting to see two boys kiss. They don’t- they don’t kiss in the video, by the way. They almost do, about /this/ close. That’s some kickthestickz fanfiction.”

53:06 He doesn’t think he’d suit a tattoo

53:32 He likes anything horror related

54:25 This is the first evening in about a week that they’ve had no guests. They had PJ and Chris, then PJ and Dean, then Bryony, and then his friend Ben for the last two days.

55:55 He’s learning to like cheese more

56:03 He goes to the kitchen to get some marshmallows

57:00 Everyone keeps saying ‘play chubby bunny’ but he thinks it’s been done too much. If he gets a million subscribers, he’ll play it.

57:22 If you get a million subscribers now you get a gold plaque – “I don’t think I’m going to have a million subscribers but it’d be nice.”

57:48 Someone suggests he plays Top Tumps with Dan, he gets out his predator Top Trumps cards and tells people some facts.

58:45 “I should make like a youtuber Top Trumps but that’d cause drama. So much drama floating around recently. I don’t like drama.”

1:00:20 “I don’t like human confrontation. I’m not a very confrontational person.”

1:00:37 He used to be scared of making phone calls. He used to make his mum make his hair appointments because he was too nervous. He doesn’t really care anymore because he’s had to make so many calls.

1:01:06 Someone from the chat is antisocial – “I’ll be social with you, Jasmine. Unless you don’t wanna be, if you’re antisocial. Maybe you’re just introverted. You should watch charlieissocoollike’s video about being introverted.”

1:01:38 Their skylight closes if it rains

1:02:06 Someone asks to see the rain – “I don’t want to show you my outsideness, um, because people do stalk. Unfortunately.” He shows their skylight.

1:04:54 Dan joins the show

1:05:26 Dan: “[To chat] How are you? [To Phil] Not you, how are they?”

1:05:54 They talk about fears. Dan’s not scared of moths, he just doesn’t want them on his face

1:06:57 They’re going to Muse but Phil’s lost the tickets and he needs to find them

1:14:36 Phil: “I was saying we should have Chris and PJ here one time when I do a liveshow.”
Dan: “Yes, perhaps.”
Phil: “And I want to make a video with them all and you.”
Dan: “Okay, that sounds fun.”

1:17:41 Chat: ‘Dan, you were on Smosh’ – Dan: “I was on their website. I wasn’t in a Smosh video or physically on Smosh.”
Phil: “You were on Smosh.”
Dan: “‘Dan, you were on Smosh.’ How didn’t I notice? I get up to crazy things as I sleep.”
Phil: “You do.”

1:19:23 Dan met Weebl at SitC, he fangirled

1:19:49 Someone mentions merch, Dan mentions he has a “folder on [his] desktop which is just full of like teenage girls.” (For when he did the showing viewers wearing his merch at the end of his videos.) They discuss the word ‘paedophile.’

Phil Liveshow: 1st September, 2012

0:22 He’s using his brother’s old macbook because his computer isn’t working

0:58 He’s at his parent’s house

1:05 He was just watching Adventure Time with his brother

2:26 Apparently a girl was wearing his merch on X Factor which was the most “crazy, insane, awesome thing ever.” He didn’t see it but he got texts from people telling him.

3:26 “Am I slightly Asian? No. Are you slightly Asian?”

4:10 He shows his old bedroom, his parents redecorated it when he left it so it’s no longer green and blue

5:26 Someone asked to marry him, he says he can’t marry everyone because polygamy is illegal

5:57 “Um, yes, marriage would be nice at some point. Maybe I’ll get married to one of you out there. Who knows? It could be you. It’s like the lottery. Maybe I should have like a dating contest. That’d be weird. I don’t think I’ll do that. I’m the most awkward person ever when it comes to dating.”

6:21 “Yeah, like the bachelor […] You could all give me roses […] and feed me grapes and stuff.”

6:51 He talks about Adventure Time

7:41 He shows his first ‘bear’ ever, it’s actually a monkey, and it’s called ‘Monkey’

9:16 He has piles of mail from fans to open. He closed his PO box because he got too much stuff for him to say thanks and he didn’t want to continue it because he couldn’t say thank you. Also because he didn’t want people spending loads of money on him.

10:38 He went to a website to get some new glasses and they sent four pairs to his house. He shows them but he doesn’t like any of them

13:45 (He puts on a pair of ‘creepy’ looking glasses) Chat: ‘Phil Lester, you are a molester’ – Phil: “Thanks for those high school flashbacks.”

14:07 Chat: ‘Change your name to Moe’ – Phil: “No. Guys, I’ve heard all this before, I’ve been through high school.”

16:10 He thinks he looks better without glasses. He thinks his “face suits being glassesless”

18:43 He shows a painting someone made of him, his parents put it on the wall

19:51 “I really like you guys. You’re good- you’re good people.”

20:02 His mac charger exploded last night

20:47 His family always watch movies together, “it’s just a thing that we do.” He tries to decide whether to watch 21 Jump Street or The Grey.

21:17 He discusses the movie rating system in the UK and how they even have people who do it for porn films which he thinks is awkward

22:47 Sam Pepper proposes to him

23:05 Chat: ‘Play Slender’ – Phil: “Me and Dan wanna do a gaming thing so we will play Slender at some point. Uh, but SAP will come back soon so we’ve got loads of things to do. I dunno if we should like have gaming channel at the same time as SAP or just wait till SAP is over. I do not know. Yeah, but we definitely wanna play that, that’d be funny.”

23:29 “Dan is not here. He’s about 500 miles away cause I’m at my parent’s house.”

24:32 He thinks working at Blockbuster or the cinema would be fun

25:23 He’s going to the dentist on Monday, he’s scared he’ll have to get his wisdom teeth removed. He’s getting headaches from his wisdom teeth growing in

26:42 He gets a hat that is akin to Dan’s fluffy hat but “it’s not Dan’s hat.” He puts on the ‘creepy’ glasses from before and mimics a hipster. “Imagine if me and Dan go out wearing these hats. What are we gonna look like?”

27:38 The hat makes the glasses look a lot less bad – “I just need like a tattoo across my neck and then I’ll be the ultimate hipster. What do you think? Would you date me if I was in this hat and had a neck tattoo?”

28:25 Chat: ‘Leave your hair alone’ – Phil: “I really want to cut it though. I’m so tempted. It’s been the same for so long. You’re only young once. What happens when I’m 40 and I think ‘aw, I wish I’d have tried something else with my hair’ when I look through 50 years of emo fringe. It’ll just grow back, guys. It’ll just grow back. It’ll be short for like a week and then it’ll grow back. Or will you just all unsubscribe? I don’t want you to unsubscribe. That would suck.” He asks if anyone agrees that he should try something different.

29:16 “I’d like to think you guys are subscribed to me not just cause of my hair but because of my video content, yeah? I hope so. I’m only kidding.”

30:08 He opens a package from a fan, it has soft toys in it. There’s a zebra keyring in it, he wants to give it to his mum because she used to have one and it was her favourite but she lost it.

32:17 “I’m not gonna prank call Dan. I don’t do prank calls. They’re so boring. He would just be like ‘Phil, why are you calling me?’”

32:39 Everyone watched him on Blue Peter, he wasn’t expecting it. – “So it really gave me hope that you guys will support me to do new things.” He promises that no matter what he does he’ll always continue to do youtube videos because that’s where he started.

33:44 He gets a notification, his friend Ben tweeted him saying he looked chubby

34:04 He gives a tour around some of his house. There are Buffy pictures on the walls, he had Buffy cushions etc.

36:30 He explores his bedside drawer from when he was younger

38:20 He briefly shows a collage of pictures of his school friends

39:35 It’s nice to be in the north because the air smells clean. He loves London but it’s nice to have a break for a little bit

40:50 He apologises about SAP being delayed, they’re still in talks with mydamnchannel – “we’re just having some issues with youtube”

42:13 His mum made cake, he’s excited to eat it. The best thing about going home is parent made food

42:23 “Phil is not on fire 4 should hopefully be my next video. That’s down to Dan as well though cause I need to ask him if he wants to do it… um, next. So if he’s got time then we will film it soon, when I go home.”

42:37 He wants to use his side channel more like Dan is

43:25 “Do I miss Dan? I saw him like 2 hours ago.”

45:38 He opens another package, it has lollies in it and he tries some

50:08 He finds a game boy in another drawer

51:47 Chat: ‘How often do you pee?’ – Phil: “That’s a very personal question, Kelly. Um, about 4 times day. It depends on how much I drink, sometimes I pee all the time. TMI.”

52:10 He tries to like cheese but generally it smells gross to him

55:14 He shows his brothers room, he thinks it’s cooler than his

Phil liveshow: 9th September, 2012

[This show isn't on youtube but you can find it through the phan-liveshows tumblr]

0:19 He opens the showing by pretending to have a shaved head - “If you see that I have no hair, will you still be my friend?”

2:53 He didn’t like the hair dresser so he’s going to look for another one

2:57 He was going to get a quiff but he was walking through London and saw that everyone had one and he didn’t want to be the same

3:42 He got to pick out the hair dresser himself – “I always go for the ones with either tattoos or piercings or people that understand like slightly alternative hair cause I know I don’t have like super emo hair but it’s slightly more alternative than like David from the Davidsons. I don’t know what that meant. So yeah, she had a few tattoos and a lip piercing so I was like you look cool, you’ll understand my hair. No.”

4.06 He told her stories about moving to London, their flat, wardrobe making, making a video with Cornelia and other stories and she didn’t care nor did she ask him any questions so to get retribution Phil decided to ask her a series of mundane questions “just to make her speak to get my value for money.” He’s not going back.

5:06 He always worries about telling too many stories in his live shows because some of them are bound to end up as amazingphil videos

5:25 If he gets to 4500 watchers he’ll take all his clothes off

6:45 He got back late and then he and Adam wanted noodles

8:08 He’s surpassed 4500 viewers and so he plays a song about taking clothes off, moves off of camera, and drops clothes in front of the camera. Due to the position of the mirror in his bedroom at 8.54 you can see him walk past shirtless

9:29 He puts a naked Phil doll in front of the camera and then a not naked Phil doll

11:00 He comes back on screen with clothes on. The dolls were from a fan. He was opening letters earlier.

11:40 Someone says they saw him in the mirror - “that’s awkward”

14:20 Whenever he feels himself getting a cold he drinks Innocent smoothie to combat it

15:09 He’s not sure when his next video will be because it’s PINOF but Dan’s not there - “I want him to be in it but I don’t know when he’s gonna be back.”

16:14 Adam’s still living with them at the moment

16:55 Chat: ‘Where is Dan?’ – Phil: “Dan is at home… in Reading. Somewhere near Reading.”

17:18 SAP will be soon hopefully. He wants to release a trailer before its release date

21:29 Filming with Cornelia was fun. They filmed a video because she won a competition that people had voted for her - “Cornelia, by the way, is my brothers girlfriend but she’s also my friend and she’s really nice.”

22:38 “Reese, yes you are sexy. You are Reese Witherspoon, right?”

22:53 His room is a mess because he lost his phone. He had to get PJ to call him on twitter because no one else was there. He left it in a mug in a cupboard.

24:39 He sings along to a Weebl song

25:51 They were playing Lips on the xbox last night, he sung The Phantom of the Opera

26:40 He discusses smores, he doesn’t know what they are

28:24 They have two internets, one isn’t theirs

31:26 He, Adam, and Dan watched Orphan the other day, it was good. He didn’t expect the twist at the end, which is something he usually does. Scary movie discussion ensues.

35:13 “Me and Dan do want to make a gaming channel, whoever just said that. Um, but we don’t know if it should be after the SAP, at the same time as the SAP, cause it’ll be a lot of work to do all of that, and have good channels, and side channels, and be able to tweet, and have breakfast.”

35:55 Chat: ‘America is a big continent, not a country. Your use of language discriminates the other inhabitants of America’ – Phil: “I’m sorry. I know America’s a big place. Though you’d be surprised how many- when I say I’m from England everyone’s like ‘London, right?’ Noo. Well, actually, yes, but before no. No one knew what Manchester was so I apologise but there are some things about America that is the same all the way through America like PG13’s.”

36:37 He discusses rollercoasters

37:37 He used to be scared of rollercoasters when he was younger but his brother tricked him onto the big rollercoaster in Blackpool. He wasn’t scared of them afterwards.

39:52 He was going to take off his socks on camera but he won’t because creepstens - “1 in every 4296 people is a creepsten. That means there’s one in the room right now watching… making scary tumblr posts. Don’t be a creepsten.”

40:59 He gets an email from someone asking to watch one of her videos, he says he will, but then he says if everyone sends him links he probably won’t watch them all because he’s busy

41:31 “I cannot get Dan cause he is not here. He’s not in the building. He’s not in the town. He’s not in the city. He’s in space.”

41:44 Chat: ‘Why did you have a haircut?’ – Phil: “Cause if I didn’t it’d just grow like /this/ and I’d have super long girl hair and everyone would be like ‘hah, look at that girl hair, remember when he had nice hair?’”

43:41 Adam joins the show, Phil shows him the dolls

45:36 They talk about Irish accents

46:21 Adam likes Phil’s hair cut

46:52 Phil teaches Adam what a glabella is

48:02 Phil: “I don’t get people that hate bands, because other people appreciate them.”

49:47 Phil: “No, we can’t prank call Dan. He’ll just be like ‘why are you calling me, Phil?’”

49:55 They play a game with cards to see if they have a psychic connection

54:15 They discuss their ApartmentRED days, they never had a scene together

56:25 Brief KPop talk

57:51 They talk about Phil’s hair. Adam doesn’t say he shouldn’t get a quiff but he thinks the fringe is a signature look

1:00:09 They have a thumb war

Phil liveshow: 15th September, 2012

1:44 He was in a pub with Crabstickz and Jimmy0010 and injured his finger on a nail on a wall

3:08 The internet is lagging in his bedroom so he goes in to the lounge where Dan is doing stuff on the computer

5:08 He went to dinner with some people the other day and he was meeting someone new and he called them the wrong name, despite people telling him before what the guy’s name was

5:43 “Dan is feeling better. I think. Still sniffing. Not really going near him. What I did is I built one of those contamination bubble suits and made him wear it cause I don’t like ill people.”

6:13 He wanted to be called Zach as a child

7:15 He’s not doing Philmail anymore because people kept spending money on him and he didn’t want people doing that “even though it’s lovely”

9:47 “My friend was pregnant and then when she stopped being pregnant she’s like ‘I miss being pregnant.’ Why would you miss being so fat and uncomfortable? I dunno. I can’t speak. I’m a boy. I shouldn’t be speaking about these things. The sanctity of life.”

10:51 He’s tired and mourning the loss of Adam, he left after living with them for 2 weeks

11:51 He hasn’t been to Birmingham. He doesn’t really know where anything is in London. He’s been getting tube journeys to places he didn’t need to because he didn’t realise how close they were

12:18 He, Dan, and Adam went to Pizza Express, they all ordered pizza and then he burnt the roof of his mouth. He then couldn’t eat for two days. He thought he should get some kind of compensation so he sent them an email along the lines of “‘yo, you should tell people that your pizzas are hotter than the sun, guys’” and then the chef rang his phone and left a voicemail so Phil got Dan to call back for him and he got a free meal for 4 people. “So the moral of the story is always complain about everything. Be that person and you’ll get free stuff.” He emailed Haribo about loving Haribo and they sent him free stickers. His advice is to email people and get free stuff.

14:24 His tweet about Dominos went viral. People keep saying he faked it but he didn’t. – “So if you do see one of those posts please comment in my support if they’re being mean.”

15:33 He always insulted people with the word ‘muppet’ in school

16:44 “My grandparents were cousins, that’s how inbred I am. That’s probably not something I should admit to 4200 people. Whatever.”

17:26 He tried to do the Gangnam Style dance with Dan as a question in phil is not on fire but they didn’t include it. He saved the footage in case they ever wanted to use it

17:46 Chat: ‘Can you and Dan drive?’ – Phil: “Yes, we can both drive but neither of us have a car currently.”

17:53 “Marina just proposed to me. Yes. It’s a yes, um, so long as you make me toast in the mornings you can be my wife. Also, don’t be 12. I like how I say 12 as if 13 would be fine. No.”

18:45 He recommends people watch The Science of Sleep – “I think part of me is Stephane. I am also a dreamer.”

19:07 His mum hasn’t read Fifty Shades of Grey - “I was like ‘you better not be reading Fifty Shades of Grey’ she said ‘No, Philip.’” She doesn’t call him Philip, she just calls him Phil.

20:00 He thinks it’s awkward when people read Fifty Shades of Grey on the tube - “cause I’m sure it’s like about weird sexy stuff with spanking. Not that I should know.”

20:47 Chat: ‘I know where you live in London.’ – Phil: “Stalker alert. Yeah, uh, I did not like it in Manchester when somehow people worked out where we lived and they were like sat in our garden. That wasn’t good. So, if that ever happens- if anyone ever, for some reason, sees me walking into my house, please don’t sit outside. That’s creepy. Not that I think anyone would do that, you guys are awesome but I know there’s like a 0.1% that would.”

21:23 He has a friend that makes wigs, she said she could copy his hair cut and make wigs in different colours to freak people out – “but I freaked you out enough in the last liveshow. What did I do? I made you think I was getting naked. That went wrong, let’s not talk about that.”

21:49 He talks about Nickelodeon, he can’t get the channel. He’s never properly watched Spongebob, it makes him feel weird.

23:04 “Do you not think they should just give me and Dan a show cause I bet it would be funny. I think we should petition so we get a TV show one day cause I think it would be better than most of the stuff that’s on TV. Not that I think I’m amazing or anything I just- I dunno, people seem to enjoy watching us and stuff so I’d like to do that. I liked our radio stuff so I’d love to have like a mini TV show of some kind.”

23:53 “Yes, sometimes I google myself out of curiosity.”

23:57 Crabstickz was on a comedy show on BBC3 last night - “He’s one of my biffles on the youtubes.”

24:39 Chat: ‘Scare Dan’ – He tries but Dan notices before he even gets off the sofa

24:56 He tries again but Dan notices before he can do it

26:42 He thinks it would be fun if adults still played tig and there were playgrounds for adults - “Not in a paedo way like in a just adult’s way.”

27:30 He asks Dan to get his laptop charger – “He’s a good housemate.”

28:35 They’ve ordered a book shelf for their DVD’s, the boxes are just sitting in their lounge

30:28 He prefers Lord of the Rings to Harry Potter but he loves both

31:12 He prefers Matt Smith to David Tennant even though he hasn’t seen many Matt Smith episodes

32:45 Someone keeps drilling every morning

33:10 He’s thinking of watching Glee again. He asks whether it gets worse after season 3 which is where he stopped. He says sometimes it’s cringey – “No offense if you’re a massive gleek cause I do- I did go to see- I’m not gonna- I’m not gonna admit to that now after watching season 3. Let’s move swiftly on.”

34:18 He briefly mentions Splice, a DVD in their collection – “Adrien Brody does things that no human should ever do.”

34:29 He wants to organise his DVD collection and build their shelf – “It could be the wardrobe 2 but I don’t wanna- I think it was kinda cheeky of me to upload a 7 minute video of two guys building a wardrobe and expect people to enjoy it, but you enjoyed it.”

34:46 He doesn’t recommend you watch Splice, he recommends you watch The Mist although both Adam and Dan hated it

35:19 He plays the Pokemon theme song because it’s been stuck in his head all day

36:10 He shows his old Gameboy. He loved the Tamigotchi gameboy game so he bought the sequel to it off of ebay but it’s in Japanese so he can’t play it

40:07 Now it’s September he’s feeling more inspired to make videos. August was busy for him so he wasn’t great at uploading videos

41:06 He’s too scared to light their gas fire. It’s one of those fires where you have to light a match next to the gas - “F that, I don’t wanna die.”

42:00 He left their gas stove on for too long and then ignited it and it exploded - “Nearly burnt my eyebrows off.”

42:20 His three facts of the week: “Complain about everything, gas is a smell that’s made by people”

42:56 He’s the “biggest Christmas fan that ever was”

43:07 Apparently he’s trending on #sexyamazingphil, he twitter searches it – “If Phil in high school knew people would be calling him sexy, he would not believe it.”

44:52 He’s pre-ordered the heat sensitive edition of the new Muse album

45:43 Dan wants to answer a VYou question but Phil can’t leave the room because the internet doesn’t work outside of the living room

49:33 He doesn’t mind zoos if they’re good for the animals. He likes safari parks more. Zoos are okay but only for some animals. He once went to San Diego zoo and he thought the bear enclosure was too small. He likes it when they rescue and rehabilitate animals.

51:27 Someone asks if they should start vlogging, he says they should but only if they genuinely want to. “Do whatever you want to do, don’t let other people hold you back.” He gives some vlogging advice.

52:08 He asks Dan to come into the show but Dan’s talking to Michael Aranda on skype. Phil tries to persuade him into joining the live show

53:20 #sexyamazingphil is trending in the UK - “that is so funny.” He takes a screen shot because it’s a big deal and then he tweets it

54:56 Dan enters the show

55:02 Dan’s feeling better after his “healing burrito” the other night

56:04 Dan forced Phil to play some Guild Wars 2 today. Phil’s a sylvari which is a plant character.

56:21 Dan [To Phil] “You would have a lettuce fringe if you could, wouldn’t you?”
Phil: “I would. I think all people would be hotter if they had lettuce for hair. Just my opinion.”
Dan: “You mean physically hotter then?”
Phil: “No, as in sexually.”
Dan: “Just pure sex with their vegetable heads.”
Phil: “I’m all about vegetable heads.”

56:40 Someone asks if they’d rather have 4 eyebrows or 6 noses, they both go for eyebrows. Dan mentions you could have 6 noses on your head and just grow hair over them. - Phil: “Imagine if like some girlfriend was playing with your hair though and was like ‘ohmygodthere’sanose’”

57:15 Dan and Michael Aranda were doing an interview on VYou

57:36 Scone pronunciation discussion

58:22 [Dan yawns]
Dan: “Why am I so tired?”
Phil: “Cause you went to bed at 6.”
Dan: “Cause we all went to bed at like 5.”

58:43 Dan: “I think I did literally go to sleep at like 6 cause I was just sat in the bathroom playing Fieldrunners for like an hour.”
Phil: “In the bathroom?”
Dan: “Yeah. I was like ‘I need to brush my teeth, I’m just gonna play a bit of Fieldrunners, oops.’”
Phil: “Fieldrunners is addictive.”

59:23 They ate a vegan cookie in Philadelphia airport and it was “the worst”

1:01:39 Phil feels like watching a bad horror film called ‘The Children’
Phil: “So I might eat some Chinese food and watch The Children which is-”
Dan: “I might not join you in your children watching adventure.”
Phil: “You should, we could make popc-”
Dan: “That sounded a bit wrong. Children watching adventure.”
Phil: “The children watching adventure. Yeah, it’s about-”
Dan: “Going on a children watching adventure, wanna come?”

Last edited by lefthandedism on Fri Aug 03, 2018 10:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason:put video under spoiler for ease of page loading

6:10 He bought some socks to make himself feel better. He shows his socks. He bought some gradient socks, each pair a different colour of the rainbow. - “I might give the pink ones to my mum unless I’m feeling particularly meterosexual.”

8:46 He’s lost his Muse tickets

8:57 The bank cancelled his bank card. He bought some drawers so the bank froze his card, he called them up to unfreeze it and he got all the security questions wrong so they cancelled it

11:25 He doesn’t think he suits facial hair, he doesn’t think most people suit beards

11:57 Chat: ‘You look masculine’ – Phil: “Yeah, I’ve just- I suppose I’ve had quite a masculine day assembling bed side tables and stuff. Not that girls can’t do that. What is a masculine day? Eating football and drinking petrol.”

12:36 He hasn’t listened to Muse’s new album yet, he’s waiting for it to arrive

13:24 Someone tells him he’s supposed to cover his mouth with his elbow when he coughs, he doesn’t understand how to do that

15:22 His computer battery is low, he asks Dan to get his charger. Dan is reluctant. – “I will touch your neck if you don’t get it”

17:24 He starts talking about pizza. He doesn’t know whether he prefers Pizza Hut to Dominos. Someone mentions him cheating on dominos.

19:01 Dan comes back in with Phil’s charger - “You were on the front page of reddit with that tweet.” (Phil tweeted about cheating on Dominos with Pizza Hut and they replied.)

19:10 Phil: “Can you plug it in, Dan?”
Dan: “No.”

19:14 Phil’s laptop dies

19:30 He says Dan being slow makes up for when he stood on the wires during Dan’s live show

20:49 TV show talk

22:21 Phil starts singing a song from the Buffy musical, Dan tells him to stop because no one will understand

23:58 He has a lot of horror stories from working at WHSmith but he’s not allowed to tell the internet

24:44 He has the entire Buffy musical in his head because he used to watch it daily - “When I was a- I was gonna say loser but no, I wasn’t a loser. It’s not- it’s not uncool to like Buffy.”

25:51 They built the bookshelf of DVD’s in their lounge, he gives a tour of their DVD’s
Dan: “There’s nothing incriminating there, is there?”
Phil: “No.”
Dan: “Like the Katie Price sex tape. I have that on DVD.”

26:48 He’ll do a house tour when their house is finished. He needs to build something and get a chair for their lounge

27:25 He recommends some movies from their shelves (21 Jump Street, Scream, Silent Hill, The Faculty, The Science of Sleep)

28:00 The Science of Sleep is one of his favourite movies – “Stephane reminds me a bit of myself as well with his crazy imagination-y-ness.”

29:39 He bought a lottery ticket for tonight because the prize is 19 million pounds. He’d buy a slide instead of stairs

29:55 Phil: “What would you buy with a million pounds, Dan?”
Dan: “A million pounds?”
Phil: “If I- If I-”
Dan: “A house.”
Phil: “A house. If I won 19 million I might give like 20,000 pounds to Dan.”
Dan: “I thought you were going to say to charity then. I was like wow, you’re a fricking Mother Theresa, aren’t you?”
Phil: “Would you be happy if I gave you 20 grand?”
Dan: “If you won…?”
Phil: “19 million.”
Dan: “Um, what as a lump sum?”
Phil: “Yeah.”
Dan: “That would be okay.”
Phil: “Just in your pocket.”
Dan: “I’d expect you to- If we- If we still lived together I’d expect you to cover the rent.”
Phil: “Yeah. I might let you live here for free.”
Phil would also get a panda enclosure, a rollercoaster, a personal pilot, and give some money to charity.

31:33 He still hasn’t seen The Amazing Spiderman, he asks if it’s good, someone says it is – “Is that cause it’s actually good or cause everyone just loves Andrew Garfield?”
Dan: “Both.”
Phil: “Both. There’s loads of stuff on tumblr about his bum and the other Spiderman feeling his bum. Which I’ve-”
Dan: “Okay, Phil.”
Phil: “-which I’ve noticed, I don’t know why.”

33:42 He dislocated his shoulder when he was younger and now the bone sticks out though you can’t really see it

34:47 He doesn’t think he wants a tattoo but he still can’t decide whether he’s a tattoo person

36:01 He won’t get a tattoo, he gets sick of temporary tattoos really fast

36:17 He talks about TV shows he’s excited to see return (The Walking Dead, Homeland, Dexter, Glee, American Horror Story)

37:51 He didn’t know how to pronounce Arkansas

38:23 He thinks all the towns from where he grew up sound like they’re from Lord of the Rings, he lists a few

39:53 He’s never been to Canada, he wants to go

40:12 He shows the new cushions they’ve bought – “See I’ve gone from talking about DIY to the softness of cushions. Super meterosexual. Is that how to say it? Meterosexual. That’s probably not the right context for even that word but whateves.”

42:15 The best way to talk to him is on twitter, he reads all of his @ replies

43:15 He thinks he’s 6 ft 1

43:41 Dan is “about the same height as me depending on who’s slouching more”

44:33 “Some people say are saying they ship Danesh which is weird cause I had a friend at school called Danesh.”
Dan: “Was that his actual name?”
Phil: “That was his name so I can’t- I can’t join in with that ship I’m afraid.”

45:07 A company said they’d give him a Macbook case and he’s thinking of getting a Lemongrab one

45:30 He’s tempted to get a hamster. He’s the most tempted he’s been since they’ve moved. They can’t decide what to do with their spare room, he wants to put a hamster in the spare room

46:35 He thinks the life of a hamster in a cage is preferable to life open to predators

47:47 Dan hasn’t caught Phil’s cold yet

48:33 Dan joins the show

48:43 Dan tried to take a twitter picture and it went badly. He took 300 pictures and ended up with one he liked and then he didn’t like it once he uploaded it

49:37 Phil leaves to get the Totoro he’s been promising people they could win and Dan spons his new video

51:40 Phil enters wins every competition he sees, he wins a lot

52:07 Dan once won a playstation from a competition that Phil made him enter

52:37 They try to have quiffs Dan: “Oh god I look like a Nazi. That went horribly wrong.”

53:52 They practise singing the Toxic intro. Phil attempts the sexual groan – Dan: “Wow, okay, wow, everyone on the internet knows what that sounds like now.” They sing other songs.

55:46 Phil always changes the lyrics to songs and ruins them

56:47 There’s a dating programme called ‘Baggage’ where people reveal their dating baggage to other people – Phil: “What would your dating baggage be, Dan?”
Dan: “Um…”
Phil: “You’re obsessed with Guild Wars.”
Dan: “Yeah, I- I won’t talk to you because I spend too long on tumblr.”
Phil: “Mine- I think this-”
Dan: “I will only communicate to you if you have twitter.”
Phil: “I think one like- if I was gonna date a girl that didn’t know I made youtube videos that’d be some baggage cause that’s kind- might be kind weird to some people.”
Dan: “ I have a frickin weird hobby.”
Phil: “Yeah, my- my-”
Dan: “I have a strange life.”
Phil: “I share my life with thousands of people every day. That’s a weird one.”
Dan: “And they will want to skin you.”
Phil: “Yeah.”
Dan: “That would be…”
Phil: “Also I require 4 cups of coffee a day. That’s baggage. And I go to bed at 3am.”

57:49 Phil: “I personally couldn’t date a smoker.”
Dan: “No, unless they were willing to stop cause it’s stinky.”
Phil: “Unless- unless she was like really hot and I’d just be like ‘stop smoking, please’”
Dan: “Well, yeah.”
Phil: “You are smokin’ but you need to- oh.”
Dan: “Oh, god, Phil. What have you done?”
Phil: “That was terrible.”
Dan: “What have you done?”
Phil: “That was so cheesy.”
Dan: “Oh no. I don’t know if I can be your friend anymore after that.”

58:11 Phil’s mum has a phobia of cigarettes

1:01:17 They discuss the favourite songs at the moment. According to Spotify, Dan’s is Bees in the Trap, they sing it

1:02:15 Phil’s favourite musical is the Buffy musical

1:02:29 Phil didn’t see Hercules as a child

1:03:55 They sing A Whole New World together

1:04:59 They criticise Jasmine’s problems

Phil liveshow: 20th October, 2012

0:29 They were just on the news – Phil: “It was kind of awkward and kind of funny at the same time. I was scared they were gonna go down- we had like a 40 minute interview with them so I was scared they were gonna pick out like certain words and make us sound evil.”
Dan: “Yeah, we thought they were gonna do a Rita Skeeter on us and edit it together.”
Phil: “I said s-”
Dan: “‘I hate everyone on the internet.”
Phil: “I said so many relevant, exciting things.”
Dan: “And they didn’t even include it.”
Phil: “They didn’t- all they included of me was me going ‘ummm, yeah.’”
Dan: “To be fair it was only me saying like one sentence.”
Phil: “Yeah, true, but you had the whole ‘this is my bedroom’ thing.”
Dan: “Which was as awkward as hell. I did so many funny things I was like ‘this is where the magic happens’ and I was like ‘get on my bed, forgive the camera’ and obviously they didn’t include any of that but they include me going ‘feelsplosion’ which was like ‘oh great.’”
Phil: “Feelsplosion. My favourite thing was Krishnan Guru-Murthy standing there with you in the background-”
Dan: “With me in the background going [he pulls a face].”
Phil: “With it says ‘vlogging sensations.’”
Dan: “Derping Dan just saying ‘vlogging sensations’ I was like ‘oh, great I’m in a massive TV.’”

4:31 Phil tells Dan to set up Lips so they can sing Phantom of the Opera, Dan leaves

5:37 Topman gave Tyler Oakley free clothes and then they tweeted Topman because they needed suits and Topman didn’t reply so they deleted it

6:19 Dan has perfected the art of calling someone an idiot without using the word idiot. Words include: nitwit, nincompoop, turnip, whisk. - Dan: “Cause what I’m actually saying is don’t be an effing moron but I don’t wanna say that cause people are easily offended so I go ‘don’t be a spoon.’” Any noun works.

9:46 Phil: “So last night I went to Wirrow’s house, the mysterious no face woodland creature.”
Dan: “Played a game called Cards Against Humanity.”
Phil: “That’s what I’m about to explainnn and we played a game called Cards Against Humanity which is really fun. I would recommend you download it.”
Dan: “Unless you’re easily offended.”

13:16 Phil talks more about the news thing. - Phil: “I can’t believe the only thing I said was ‘yeah.’ Th- I had a little bit at the start of the show when I was like ‘yes, internet people TV’ but then that was it. They didn’t show my youtube channel either, they showed Sam Pepper’s and Louis…”
[Audio cuts off Dan’s reply]
Phil: “They did and I don’t even help Dan edit really.”
Dan: “That was a complete lie.”
Phil: “That was a lie.”
Dan: “He was like ‘hey, Dan, I think that you should cut it here’ and I was like ‘okay, Phil, lets press this button.’”
Phil: “It’s like Dan’s never edited a video before. I was like ‘press the button, Dan.’”
Dan: “Wow, I’m not that retarded.”
Phil: “Yaz, no, I’m not that bitter, no. I’m only kidding.”
Dan: “Wow, Dan, bad word.”
Phil: “Don’t say that. Uh, yeah, I’m not really bitter, I’m only kidding. I want to kill everyone. No, I don’t.”
Dan: “What did you say? Cause they must- they must have edited out like 4 questions.”
Phil: “I answered loads of things. I said I like meeting everyone at gatherings and stuff.”
Dan: “Yeah, you said the whole thing like ‘we really like our followers-‘”
Phil: “Yeah.”
Dan: “‘-cause they’re nice, some of them give me really nice paintings’ and they were like ‘no, let’s cut all that out but let’s keep in the bit where the guy talks about money.”
Phil: “Yeah, the thing that was annoying me was they kept being like ‘there are all these girls that were like ‘ohmygod adorable heartthrobs’’ but it’s not like crazy Bieber fans, you guys are all really cool, so I was trying to explain that there’s loads of creative people out there.”
Dan: “The- the only thing I was a bit sad of is that they might portray them like everyone that is a youtuber is like Justin Bieber, not that there’s anything wrong with Justin Bieber, but like all their fans are just Justin Bieber fans and obviously people on youtube are kind of more creative and funny-”
Phil: “Yeah, yeah yeah. “
Dan: “-and clever and stuff like that, so that’s the only thing. I just didn’t want all the people that had no idea what youtube was to be like ‘oh great, it’s just another Justin Bieber on the internet.’”
Phil: “Yeah.”
Dan: “Which is funny because Justin Bieber is technically from the internet.”

15:37 Phil: “Are we ready to sing?”
Dan: “Are you sure you want to do this?”
Phil: “Yes, I want to do a duet.”

16:17 Dan’s only agreeing to do this because it’s ridiculous

16:42 Phil: “These aren’t our real singing voices. Disclaimer.”
Dan: “This is us looking like massive twats.”
Phil: “When Dan launches his solo career in 10 years-”
Dan: “As a female opera singer.”
Phil: “-this will be the evidence that he was a great star before his time.”

23:44 Dan: “I think it’s a bit weird that I can sing like a girl.”
Phil: “Yeah, yeah, yeah.”
Dan: “I’d like to say that I can- I’m gonna grow out of it but I feel like at the age of 21 I’m not gonna- I’m not gonna, um, stop being able to sing…”
Phil: “No. I think- I think you will always have that womanly voice somewhere in your-”
Dan: “Right. I’ll always have my ability to sing like Amy Lee from Evanescence.”
Phil: “-in your voice box.”

24:49 Phil mentions that they should play Dance Central 3 next week - Phil: “I have no coordination at all so we used to have these parties where everyone would be like ‘let’s play dance central-’”
Dan: “Well I didn’t know you then so you did.”
Phil: “Yeah. No, at Ian’s-”
Dan: “Oh, no, Dance Central.”
Phil: “Yeah, Dance Central.”
Dan: “I thought you were talking about DDR.”
Phil: “No, no, no, no, no.” Phil has no coordination so they would laugh at him. Dan was really good.

26:28 They discuss their week. They went to the Frankenweenie premiere, played Cards Against Humanity, had the news interview.

27:06 They went to see Derren Brown live and Phil’s hand got frozen

28:50 Dan: “Someone said like ‘it’s offensive that you keep saying that your short hair’s like a lesbian’ and I’m like ‘no, I think it’s offensive to lesbians that are being compared to me.’”
Phil: “It is.”

29:56 Chat: ‘Why are you guys so famous?’ - Dan: “Um.”
Phil: “We’re not really famous.”
Dan: “Well not in the way that you think we are but we have a few internet followers for answering weird questions with whiskers.”
Phil: “I’m famous for splitting the atom.”

30:12 Phil knows the great granddaughter of the guy that split the atom

30:23 Phil’s uncle once bit into a Christmas cake that he had bought from a big supermarket and there was glass inside of it so now Phil’s whole family gets a lifetime free supply of Christmas cakes

31:13 Dan shows a video on his phone about the newsreader saying Unsustainable

32:05 Phil: “Um, yeah, don’t read that thing about us eating skin. Or Dan eating- I- I stopped reading- like Dan found it hilarious but I just stopped reading half way through.”
Dan: “I was just sat there lolling.”
Phil: “It made me feel sick. I think there’s a certain line that shouldn’t be crossed.”
Dan: “In like the third youtube video I made, I made that joke that I kidnapped you-”
Phil: “Yeah.”
Dan: “-cause you were youtube famous and I was gonna skin you, so there’s a gif of me going ‘your skin’s gonna taste good’ from this youtube video-”
Phil: “What like- who-”
Dan: “-and someone posted it under a screenshot-”
Phil: “Who thought of that?”
Dan: “-of this really horrible fanfiction that you shouldn’t read and I just- I just thought it was the funniest thing.”
Phil: “No. I don’t even know why- I don’t even know why I brought it up. Don’t- don’t- I don’t know why I brought it up. Don’t read it.”
Dan: “I encourage the worst sense of humour.”
Phil: “You do.”
Dan: “I’m sorry, guys.”
Phil: “You’re a bad influence on everyone.”

32:55 Phil leaves the live show with Dan because he needs to pee. Dan talks about his new video with the twins.

34:01 Dan: “Although, uh, what everyone seems to be talking about is people are- um, who want to ship me with Jack, uh, don’t know whether to call it, um, ‘Dack’ or ‘Jan’ that’s…” [audio cuts off the rest of that discussion]

34:53 Phil returns

35:05 Dan: “I feel sorry because, um, ‘phan’ used to be, uh, Phantom of the Opera fans on tumblr-”
Phil: “Oh yeah it did.”
Dan: “-and then the phanfiction revolution happened and obviously now it’s this warzone. I feel sorry for the Phantom of the Opera people. Oh dear god.”

35:27 Chat: ‘Jack Daniels’- Dan: “Oh my god. Can that be the name for me-”
Phil: “Jack Daniels?”
Dan: “-me and Jack? I dunno…”
Phil: “Yeah, it’s perfect. Are people shipping Dack now?”
Dan: “Yeah, but they don’t know whether to call it Dan- Dack or Jan. I like- I like Jack Daniels.” [Audio cuts off the rest of that conversation]

35:54 Bryony inspired them to get a card game called Heartthrob in which you pick a boyfriend that appeals to you based off of a description. They play with the cards, whatever card they pick is them in the future. They pick an old guy as Dan in the future and talk about whether people would still watch him, whether they’re there for the looks or the content but the audio cuts out for 99% of that conversation:

36:41 [Phil picks the card, it’s a guy named Eric who looks vaguely like Mr Schue off of Glee]

37:03 Phil: “He’s so cheesy looking. Would you watch him? I wanna see your reaction before we do mine.”
Dan: “I wouldn’t.”
Dan: “Would you watch him still? Are you that shallow? Is it all about the face? He’d still have the same content, he’d just have Eric’s face.”
[audio cuts off]
Dan: “-well in these last couple years..”
[Audio cuts off Phil’s reply and some of Dan’s next sentence]
Dan: “-always, it’s just that there’s a lot of people now that are the sort of younger boyband people…”

38:08 Apparently people were saying they would still watch Dan

38:16 Phil’s turn

38:57 Dan: “The funniest way to play this game is, cause it’s all about which guy would you date, is with a group of heterosexual guys-”
Phil: “Yeah.”
Dan: “-cause then it’s so fricking like ‘uh, well I wouldn’t date him because he keeps a tarantula as a pet.’ Funniest game ever.”
Phil: “Should also make your dad play it as well.”

40:55 [Their interview is replaying on TV now, Dan leaves the show]

41:15 He’s seeing Muse next Friday but he’s lost the tickets

41:40 He’s hurt his foot but he doesn’t want to show the camera his foot

42:31 Someone tweeted him saying that all he talks about it feet, he questions whether he has a problem

42:53 Dan’s taking a screenshot of himself on TV

43:01 He has two real life facebook notifications. His real-life friends don’t care.

43:32 Someone asks what happened to Dan’s wrist, the audio cuts off but Phil says something about a table falling on Dan

46:19 He does a room tour. There’s a clock on their shelf which Phil’s mum bought as a housewarming gift. They want to get another chair for the room and a rug

47:16 He asks people what colour rug they should get. They bought a white one but they didn’t like it

49:47 He had an argument with his friend Ian as to how big a platypus is

52:06 He looks at a face swap of Dan and his Donnie Darko shirt

53:50 He doesn’t add fans on his personal facebook because he has family on it and uses it to plan events etc.

54:31 He hates it when people smell

54:49 He wanted to sing ‘Always’ but their Lips game crashed so it doesn’t happen

56:46 “If you want to be my wife then just make me nice cakes. The way to my heart is through cakes.”

57:16 He gets excited because he remembers he bought a brownie. His twitter is just about what he’s eating

57:43 Dan returns to the show, he shows Dan the face swap

58:11 Phil: “How have you enjoyed my live show?”
Dan: “It’s been quite fun.”
Phil: “I like it when we do one together. We should do this every so often.”
Dan: [Clutches his chest] “Thanks, Phil.”
Phil: “No. I don’t reckon we should do this once a month or something. It’s good to-”
Dan: “Well we’re usually in most of each other’s shows.”
Phil: “Yeah, but that’s only for like 2 minutes at the end.”

58:27 They talk about how Grace is the only one that can pull a face and still look beautiful

59:09 Phil: “Should I have their hair?”
Dan: “No. Your hair is- your hair is your everything. Imagine if AmazingPhil cut his hair, everyone would be like ‘the world is ending.’”
Phil: “Oh my jeez. Next time you see me I’m gonna have a haircut.”
Dan: “Well you’ll have the same hair cut it’ll just be shorter.”
Phil: “No, it’s gonna be super quiff, shaved up the side with…”
Dan: “And then you’ll look like everyone else in the world.”
Phil: “No, I’m gonna get like-”
Dan: “And then you’ll be happy-”
Phil: “I’m gonna get shaved-”
Dan: “-when you’ve conformed.”
Phil: “I don’t wanna conform but I’m so sick of having a floppy fringe…”

Dan liveshow: 27th November, 2012

0:32 Phil used his laptop for his live show last week, he almost went live as Phil

3:28 He asks how people are - “You get assassinated by, um, Plankton wearing a massive strap on dildo if you say moist or crusty or placenta or penis.”

4:30 Chat: ‘Why is it that guys propose to you?’ – Dan: “Because, um, you need younow coins to- to give people wedding rings and I guess more guys use younow. Yeah, guys, get a life, says the person who does it every week.”

5:22 He gets a text message, checks it, laughs, doesn’t mention it.

6:11 He can’t draw in a straight line – “…it’s a very depressing week for me because me and Phil have been judging- if you didn’t know, me and youtube chum Phil had an art competition because we only sell like two t-shirts that we’ve been selling for ages and people are like ‘get a new thing.’” So they had a competition and they looked through a lot of art and all the submissions were really good.

7:29 He wasn’t allowed to do what he wanted when he did GCSE art. His school was “really cheap” so their computers with photoshop broke during their final exam

8:10 He’s a “big cat fan”

9:12 He has a friend named Ben from Switzerland and his exams were a lot harder than Dan’s

9:24 He’s one of those people who can get good grades despite not working hard – “that’s just because I understand how to- how to do exam quite well. I’m just- I’m one of those annoying people that did homework- did no homework for two years and then ended up getting an A. That’s just cause I’m a rebel though. No, it’s not, it’s cause I’m a horrendous procrastinator.”

10:16 He doesn’t know what he wants for Christmas – “I kind of want a wiiu but then I was thinking I could buy that anyway, I could just get it.” It’s a lot harder to decide what you want when you’re older than when you’re younger

11:05 Chat: ‘Do you have a job?’ – Dan: “Youtube is my job. I am a full time internet hobo. Although, now I technically work for the BBC which makes me less of a- it makes me less cool. I can’t just say ‘full time internet hobo.’”

11:43 Either Moulin Rouge or Kill Bill are his favourite movies of all time

11:57 He’s going to read The Fault in Our Stars when he has time

12:19 “A lot of people ask me- in my videos I wear this purple cardigan when I’m trying to be a girl, um, and they ask me if it’s a girl cardigan, it’s not, it’s actually a guy cardigan. It’s just obviously guys aren’t supposed to wear nothing underneath cardigans, so when I wear no t-shirt underneath it and make boobs it looks quite girly, but it is very much a man instrument- frickin read something whilst- it’s a man cardigan.”

12:59 He doesn’t wear cardigans, they’re so 2007

13:05 He’s both excited and terrified for the radio. He hopes they get them in to learn how to do it before they have to do it

14:40 “Me and Phil are incredibly- me and Phil are like so busy at the moment and honestly like we probably shouldn’t be doing the SAP but the only reason we do it is because we- we get so much joy from the fact that you guys like it that it’s worth staying up till 6 to make sure that there is a weekly episode of it. You know, some people are like ‘woah, Dan, don’t be so hard on yourself, we don’t mind’ but no, trust me, the joy that we get from you enjoying it makes up for- ‘is phan true, be honest’ no, you creep.”

15:17 “‘Today I tried to say ‘wacist’ to Anja’ that’s- and then you said racist. Oh, wow, if Ray Toro had a twin and did stuff with his own twin- I- fanfiction of that does exist somewhere, let’s be honest. I don’t know this but it probably does.”

15:34 Chat: ‘Do you have aids?’ – Dan: “Uh, thanks for typing that into the chat.”

15:42 Chat: ‘If you don’t feel like it then don’t’ – Dan: “No, no, I do feel like it. That’s what I’m saying. It’s like if me and Phil were like ‘it’s not worth it’ then we wouldn’t but we think it is worth it so we do.”

15:58 Chat: ‘How was your thanksgiving?’ – Dan: “That happened, didn’t it? Yeah, if you didn’t know from various tweety-weets, that was the gayest thing I’ve ever said, not in a bad way. Um, it’s not really a gay thing to say, it’s more of a ‘tweety-weets’ who would say that? A person in the 1940s that’s considered lame by the standards of cool people in 2012, I’d say. Um, I had thanksgiving with friends cause as internet people we’re interested in America and we wanted to celebrate it. So me and my friend Phil, and our internet friend Bryony, and some other people who aren’t from the internet who we didn’t, uh, release their information, we celebrated thanksgiving and we got a turkey and we got a bunch of crap and it was cool.”

16:51 Chat: ‘Are you wearing eyeliner?’ – Dan: “No. No. No. I just have thick eyelashes. People at school used to be like ‘look at the gaylord over there wearing eyeliner’ and I’d be like ‘I don’t fucking wear eyeliner.’” He tells people to google search Richard from Lost and look at his eyelashes to see some intense eyelashes.

19:07 Someone mentions they’re sick – Dan: “My friend [nods head in the direction of the lounge] was sick over the weekend. It wasn’t a very interesting weekend. He just died. Well, it gave me an opportunity to procrastinate.”

19:45 His wrist is healing – “You can hardly see it anymore whereas before it was a giant- giant vagina in the middle of my arm, basically.”

20:18 Chat: ‘Do you have a girlfriend? – Dan: “No. Don’t want one right now. I’m too busy being self-centred.”

20:25 He doesn’t have enough of social life to use Instagram

21:09 Chat: ‘How are you at dancing? – Dan: “I- I have the impression I’d- I- I went to a fricking stage school for like 10 years when I was a kid kid, not like a teenager, so I, uh, was forced to do like an hour of dancing every weekend but that’s like, uh, poncey musical theatre dancing, but I think I’ll be okay.” He can’t really sing.

22:09 American Horror Story is his favourite TV show at the moment

23:09 A woman got arrested outside his house earlier. They played guess the crime, he guessed drugs

24:31 He went to an exhibition at the Tate and bought his diamond skull shirt

26:35 “Okay and this week’s ‘where’s Phil’ is brought to you by Carly D. Why do you want to know? Can- am I not good enough? He has a whole youtube channel dedicated to him if you want to see him, but he’s obviously doing Phil things in his Phil life but he’s actually editing a video where we will announce the results of our art competition which is exciting.”

27:02 Chat: ‘Opinions on Johnlock?’ – Dan: “What do you want me to say? Being not sexually attracted to the idea of Johnlock, I mean, wh- wh- what do you want me to say? I- I appreciate the feels, I can- even if I don’t get aroused by the thought of the penises colliding, I can appreciate why it’s a good ship. It’s a good one. Johnlock. One of- one of the better ones.”

28:14 Chat: ‘Who is one of your OTP’s? – Dan: “I don’t know.”

28:16 Chat: ‘Have you ever had a foreign girlfriend?’ – Dan: “Nope. They’ve all lived within 10 minutes of my house where my family was.”

32:04 He wears his snow hat because it prevents him from messing with his hair

32:34 Chat: ‘Don’t talk about hats. Ew.’ – Dan: “Wh- How- How can you have a problem with hats? What a random thing to have a problem about.”

32:58 Chat: ‘Not the hat fic’ – Dan: “Oh is it- is it the latest fanfiction? Wow. I might just write a fanfiction that just is the end of all ‘look at what I can write’ fanfictions which is just like ‘and then he ate the poo and then he threw up on the poo and killed the dog and then he ate the dog and pooped on the dog and then the dog ate the cat and then he ate the cat and pooped on the cat then had sex with the cat then threw up on the cat then had sex with it and then pooped on it and then ate it. The end.’ There we go. That’s- that’s my fanfiction and suddenly every other fanfiction is less interesting.”

33:36 Chat: ‘Will you stand under the mistletoe?’ Dan: “I don’t think I’ve ever kissed somebody under mistletoe before. I might have ironically once or something, but I don’t think I ever have. Is that depressing? I suppose it isn’t really depressing, is that really a thing that you have to do? Don’t think so.”

34:35 “Cristiano wants to know if he’s the only guy here. Actually no, from reading the chat, Cristiano, I’d say there’s probably more guys than usual.”

35:00 “Shout out to Henry R who is a guy and here. Alright. And Joe W and James R. See, there are dudes. High-five to dudes. Is that sexist? I’m not leaving you out, ladies.”

38:43 He’s not friends with that many “annoying people” on facebook and if he is he just hides their activity

38:48 Chat: ‘What do you think about vegans?’ – Dan: “I commend their commitment to something that they believe in. Um, I don’t personally have a problem with ripping flesh off animals bones but I appreciate that you do and I appreciate the fricking commitment that you have to being vegan so you- you definitely have a lot of respect.”

39:22 Chat: ‘Can you twerk?’ – Dan: “If I could I wouldn’t show you. Which is a shame cause I feel like if I go to frickin’ Playlist Live, Tyler Oakley’s gonna get me and Daily Grace together and they’ll be like ‘let’s twerk on camera’ and I’ll be like ‘I d- I don’t think I want this on the internet, I don’t think-’ you know, cause if I was to practise twerking by myself in my own time, that’s- that’s a private thing that I do, I don’t- you know, I don’t have to share that with the internet.”

40:08 He can drive and he passed his test the first time but cars are expensive. He spends his money on clothes and video games

40:45 Chat: ‘I want you and Onision to collaborate’ – Dan: “I think- I think other collaborations are more likely to happen.”

40:52 Chat: ‘When are you getting off?’ – Dan: “I’m just gonna- when are you getting off, Dan? Well, I’m just gonna- I’m just gonna get off, just gonna relieve myself in 20 minutes all over younow. That’s a bit inappropriate.”

41:17 Chat: ‘Why don’t you have a gaming channel?’ – Dan: “Because it would only be worth my time if- cause you’d- like the thing is you don’t do it cause you enjoy it, you do it for a job because it takes fricking days out of your life to have a gaming channel. I could only do it if it was worth while but then the thing is you c- gaming channels are only really successful if all you do is game. So, for people like Pewdiepie and Toby Turner and Syndicate all they fricking do ever is play games and record it and edit it and upload it and I can’t- I can’t have that lifestyle. I just- like for me I like to play video games and enjoy them, I wouldn’t like to think of video games as work, you know what I mean? I would have to think ‘I have to be really funny when I’m playing this game’ I just wanna play it, so I think I’d have a good gaming channel if I had one but I- I think- think I’m gonna stick to what I’m doing, for the moment anyway. Who knows.”

42:22 He bought his hat at H&M 3 years ago

42:30 He’s going to try to make a Dan website that has a FAQ and it’ll have a youtuber FAQ etc. “cause I feel like I give quite good advice”

43:01 He finished Guild Wars 2, he had a lot of feels

43:31 He thinks Elder Scrolls games are good but overrated

44:05 He’d love to collaborate with Michael Aranda because he’s potentially his “favourite human in the world”

44:30 He doesn’t have a favourite youtuber but it may be cutewithchris or communitychannel

44:53 Chat: ‘How young is too young to vlog?’ – Dan: “The thing is, if I started making youtube videos when I started watching youtubers, which when I was 14, they would have been so shit. I just know that now cause I started making youtube videos when I was like 17 and a half and they were shit, endearingly shit, you can watch- […] like I can look back on my oldest youtube videos and I go ‘aw, they’re yeah- they’re kind of- they’re kind of cute in a fucking awful kind of way’ but they were rubbish, so if I made them when I was 14 god fricking knows how awful they would have been. That being said, Charlie McDonnell started when he was 15 and that is the reason where he is where he is today cause he was The First, you know? That- that is Charlie’s definition. The reason Charlie is so internet famous is cause he was like The First. We’re like ‘what the hell is a vlogger?’ you know what I mean? So it worked for him. Depends if you think you’d make good ones or not.”

46:03 He’s afraid of trees because he watched The Blair Witch Project when he was too young, plus he has an overactive imagination

46:10 “Thanks, Eugenia, for proposing to me. You have some… long legs in that photo that I can’t really see. You could be a man from the shoulder up, I don’t know. It’s a trap.”

46:32 He thinks Bo Burhman is “one of the best people to use youtube as a platform for showcasing great talent”

46:55 Chat: ‘Do a collab with Meekakitty’ – Dan: “I am a… [audio cuts off] …I’d ship Nanakitty but I know them in person so I’d- I’d- that would be a bit creepy.”

47:22 Chat: ‘How do you feel about phan?’ – Dan: “Frickin’ [laughs] for 2 years- God- found out about that like 2 years ago. A bit late to the party. Over it.”

47:50 He sung Toxic wrong in his video

48:13 Chat: ‘I liked your interview in the Huffington Post’ – Dan: “Yeah, I didn’t want to be too funny or immature because as well- like obviously, I tweeted it to you guys to read it but, uh, I didn’t want people to be like ‘who’s this gaylord’ if they read it so I was a bit more serious but it was cool. I gave a good answer with spatula and Delia Smith.”

48:37 “I like Kanye West as much as I like Mozart as much as I like Trivium as much as I like Kpop.”

48:37 Gangnam Style & Kpop talk

49:56 Chat: ‘Tell us the truth, are you a hipster?’ – Dan: “No. You don’t know what a hipster is.”

50:02 He likes Zelda but he doesn’t think Zelda games are the best games

50:09 He used a Clearasil facewash and now his face is reflective

50:46 Brief Kanye talk. He thinks Kanye’s best song is possibly Runaway [audio cuts off the rest of the conversation]

51:12 He went to Canada once and had maple syrup every morning for breakfast

53:05 Chat: ‘What do you feel about sports?’ – Dan: “I think they’re a good one.”

56:43 Chat: ‘Do you get intimidated by people or not?’ – Dan: “Not really. Intimidated by people, that’s a weird thing to say. Do I get intimidated by people? I get scared of people’s confidence sometimes.” He found Nick Grimshaw intimidating because he was really confident but he’s really nice.

57:41 He and Phil finished watching Full Metal Alchemist and now he’s sad. It’s like “when you finish watching a book”

57:53 “No, Jordan S, I’m not gay.”

58:17 He saw a big mouse run out of his bedroom. The mice they’ve caught thus far were small but this one was huge.

59:38 His most viewed video is ‘I Will Go Down With This Ship’ he’s proud of it. It turned out how he wanted it to which doesn’t always happen.

59:47 “I’m fiddling with my man cardigan that a lot of people seem to think is a women’s cardigan.”

1:00:26 Chat: ‘How young would you date?’ – Dan: “That’s- that’s- that is such a strange question, why don’t you realise that? How- how low can you go when it comes to ag- just appreciate that that’s a bit of a weird question.”

1:00:43 Chat: ‘Peter Petigrew was in your room.’ – Dan: “Oh shit, that’s what it was. The least attractive one of them. Ugh. Could at least be being spied on by Padfoot. I’m joking.”

1:05:12 Chat: ‘How do I gain more confidence and self-esteem?’ – Dan: “That’s a tough question. Be more happy with who you are. Learn to be a beautiful butterfly. I dunno, watch some inspiring youtube videos, read a self help book. I can get back to you on that one after I’ve had a think about it.”

1:06:12 “Dylan G wants to know what my detailed religious views are. I am still yet to decide to what extent I should divulge that information as a wise decision going forward. I’ll be sure to let you know when I decide.”

1:06:26 Chat: ‘Who did you get a Skype from?’ – Dan: “Wouldn’t you like to know? No one interesting.”

1:07:19 “For those of you who only like my existence because you like to fantasize about me being in a sexual relationship with my friend, I will go find my friend. I am aware that there’s a lot of you that just like me and Phil as well. I’m only joking. I need to stop saying jokes. One day I will say a joke, just casually off the tip of my tongue, and someone will stab me.”

1:07:43 He goes to Phil in the lounge, Phil’s editing a video

1:08:20 Phil’s been zoned out in front of the computer for 6 hours

1:08:31 Phil’s wearing the same shirt as yesterday (It’s his Playlist Live shirt) - Dan: “Are you aware that people think that, uh, we share the same Playlist live t-shirt, not realising that-”
Phil: “If we share this t-shirt we must share it with 300 other people.”
Dan: “-that everybody who went to Playlist Live has the same t-shirt.”
Phil: “Everyone that was on stage got it for free.”
Dan: “It’s the same with the Black Ops t-shirt though, isn’t it?”
Phil: “Yeah.”
Dan: “Cause we both went to the, um-”
Phil: “The Black Ops thing.”
Dan: “The launch party in Battersea Power Station.”
Phil: “Yeah.”
Dan: “That was cool.”
[Audio cuts off Phil’s next sentence]
Dan: “No you haven’t.”
Phil: “-when you least expected it.”
Dan: “When have you ever taken one of my t-shirts?”
Phil: “I don’t know.”
Dan: “Ever?”
Phil: “Maybe the other way around.”
Dan: “Yeah, no, I took your t-shirt when I need to do a prank which involves destroying one of my own t-shirts cause I don’t wanna ruin something. Remember when I got coked in the Christmas show and I stole your t-shirt.”
Phil: “Oh yeah. That was- that was-”
Dan: “That’s an example of me-”
Phil: “-that was great.”
Dan: “That’s an example of me not wanting to ruin my own clothing.”
Phil: “Yeah.”

1:09:34 Dan: “I was explaining that, um, as opposed to not doing the SAP because we can’t be bothered, the joy that we honestly get-”
Phil: “Yeah.”
Dan: “-from them enjoying it makes us want to do it.”
Phil: “It does make us want to do it.”
Dan: “Isn’t that true?”
Phil: “Yeah.”
Dan: “We get so much joy from your joy that I will stay up till 6.”
Phil: “It’s worth not sleeping.”
Dan: “I will stay up till 6 editing the SAP just for you guys.”
Phil: “Although I did almost die yesterday.”
Dan: “You were the one that went to bed at like 4. I had to stay up for 2 hours.”
Phil: “Yeah. Well 4 is still a-”
Dan: “Yeah, once you’ve stayed up till 4 you might as well stay up till 6. We’re committed to the internet. Hardcore.
Phil: “We’re committed.”
Dan: “More committed than most people probably are to their wives.”
Phil: “Probably.”

1:10:38 Phil leaves to edit his video

1:11:38 The only thing that made their thanksgiving feast not tasty was the mashed potatoes. Dan thinks mashed potato is inferior to other forms of potato.

0:58 “Would you sit down and watch my shows on rerun? Guess some people would.”

1:02 “Thanks, Eugenia with the long legs, for marrying me.”

1:30 Chat: ‘What is the Vegas video?’ – Dan: “I went to Las Vegas for my 21st birthday and I filmed my trip. When I say ‘I filmed my trip’ I mean I basically filmed a bunch of 20 second iPhone quality shit vlogs that I was “theoretically” gonna stich together into a “Day in the life” style video of my holiday, but then as I filmed about 8 hours worth of things it’s probably gonna take about a month to edit into something so as opposed to wasting a month of my life making a video that’s probably only good enough to go on my side channel, um, I was like ‘I’ll put it on the back burner’ but then everyone else is like ‘where’s the Vegas video?!!’ So I feel like, um, it’s turned into a thing. It’s more of a joke than, uh, people actually being excited for this lame video that may or may not ever exist.”

2:28 His sleep pattern is improving slightly

2:53 New SAP video tonight, it was meant to go up yesterday but youtube had maintenance

3:37 Chat: ‘Do you ever get annoyed living with Phil?’ – Dan: “Not really. I lived at university and that’s very strange to, uh, li- live at university and be a youtuber when you’re talking to yourself at 3’o’clock in the morning. It’s a bit suspicious.”

4:11 He’s looking up the temperature - “I live in a capital city so we probably have weather that gives a crap about us unlike my grandma’s house.”

8:05 He looks like a “tramp” because he’s windswept from buying milk earlier

8:23 Chat: ‘Loving your hipster top’ – Dan: “I don’t think it’s- I mean just cause it’s a triangle I don’t think it’s immediately hipster. I think it’s a bit dorky cause it’s made of African animals, you can’t really tell. I think it’s more of a shirt that, uh, like one of the loser kids in school would wear cause their mum bought them a shirt with loads of animals on it. That’s me… in a sentence.”

8:43 “Last night someone read a fanfiction about me where I was gay, it was pretty crazy. It sounds like you’re on the tip of a very, very scary iceberg and you should run while you still can.”

9:36 Someone asks if he’s been to Holland, he googles whether Amsterdam is in Holland. He’s been twice.

10:12 Chat: ‘You look like Jack Davenport’ – Dan: “Who’s that? I probably know who he is but I don’t wanna- ohhh that guy. No, I don’t.”

11:22 Chat: ‘No, you just look very feminine’ – Dan: “Thanks. Thanks. I’m sure normal people would be confused by that. Unfortunately, I have a sense of humour.”

11:43 He hasn’t done any Christmas shopping - “My mum keeps ringing me asking me to tell her what I want for Christmas and I’m like ‘ugh, can’t be bothered to talk to you right now’ so I’m just not going to get anything for Christmas cause I’m too lazy to ask people.”

11:59 “Okay, guys. Guys. Stop. Stop. Everybody stop. We have our first ‘where’s Phil’ of the evening. Audience applause. Shout out goes to Laura R who wants to know where Phil is. Now, you know, usually I say the same thing every week, I want this to be like a pantomime thing from now on. So, guys, where is Phil? Phil is doing _____. 5 points to the first person that types it into the chat. It’s a thing now. ‘He’s doing Phil things in his Phil life’ said Rebecca, [lists 13 other names] okay, yeah. There we go. He’s doing things in his own life cause we are actually separate people. This thought may not have occurred to you before. Just in case, I’m not angry at you if that thought hasn’t occurred to you before but there you go.”

13:13 He woke up at 11 today, it’s an improvement from 1:30. He’s aiming for 10 or 10:30

14:16 Chat: ‘Are you wearing lip gloss?’ – Dan: “Yes. Obviously. I’m wearing eyeliner and lip gloss and all this shit that I don’t even know what it is, but, yeah, of course I am. I obviously don’t look like a tramp because I got rained on on my way to get some milk today. I- I look like a- a fabulous woman.”

14:48 He bought his bed for 20 pounds off of eBay

15:23 He thinks 2013 sounds like the future and that it’s terrifying

15:44 Chat: ‘Take your shirt off’ – Dan: “Okay, I’ll just get really naked right now. No. If there was- no. Not gonna go there. Donate to paypal and Dan will take a bit more of his sh- no, I’m joking.”

16:15 Chat: ‘How do you think the world will end?’ – Dan: “Jesus will just come down from a cloud like [harmonic ahhh] and just go ‘earth, I am disappoint’ and then he’ll go [laser noise] and a beam of light will incinerate the planet. That’s how I like to think it’ll go, but then it’s not the rapture, is it? It’s a Mayan thing. Who knows?”

22:43 Chat: ‘How do you feel about Canadian girls?’ – Dan: “I feel like they’re like other girls but from Canada, so they’d live in a nice country if I was to visit them.”

23:01 Chat: ‘Would you recommend living in London?’ – Dan: “If you can afford it, yeah. It’s bloody expensive but cool, and all my friends are there, that’s where everything’s going down.”

23:10 He took “the best twitpic ever” last night in front of a shop but it didn’t send so he doesn’t know whether to post it. The picture has something to do with something in a shop window

23:32 He was in Chelsea last night and everyone looked like they were from the TV show ‘Made in Chelsea’ - “which is basically quite orange and attractive in that kind of way”

24:50 He has a new video coming out on Friday. He asks what people they’d like to see in his new video. he gets the answers you’d imagine he’d get (nakedness, nipples, sex etc.) Someone mentions the 7 deadly sins – “It could very well be the next 7 deadly sin. Who knows?”

26:46 Chat: ‘About Martin Freeman’ – Dan: “Could do that. Just make an entire video about my secret shrine to Martin Freeman under my bed, which I think we all have.”

27:14 Chat: ‘Make a video about Jimmy Savile’ – Dan: “No, I think that would end my career with the BBC before it actually begun so that’s probably not a good idea. Although, I keep making Jimmy Savile jokes in the lift when I’m going in the BBC building which is just not a good idea.”

28:00 He met Lizo Mzimba from Newsround in the life the other day. He made a joke about Jimmy Savile and Lizo made a joke about Mariah Carey

37:29 Starbucks had a buy a Christmas drink and you get a free mince pie deal

37:45 Chat: ‘Get Phil now’ – Dan: “No. You should like us for who we are individually, not just who we are together. It’s quite shallow.”

37:55 Chat: ‘Nicki Minaj is 5 ft 4’ – Dan: “That’s why she has such a massive butt. I’m not saying that- cause there’s probably quite a lot of girls that are 5 ft 4 cause like that’s a perfectly reasonable height for a girl, and I’m sure most of you don’t have Nicki Minaj level butts, do you? Some of you might. Some of you might have Nicki Minaj level butts. Is her butt real? Is it? I feel like it’d be a bit of a sham if it wasn’t.” He talks more about her butt.

39:34 He’s not going to do the youtube survey that Carrie did because he thinks the questions are crap

41:58 Chat: ‘Did you go to uni?’ – Dan: “I went to uni for one year and the story goes I dropped out to become a full time internet hobo. Now I have a job making Jimmy Savile jokes in the BBC elevator until I get fired.”

42:14 He talks about songs that get stuck in his head. Some of his are the Mario songs and Spanish Flea

45:34 He asks people what they’d call their actual babies

46:09 Chat: ‘Satan’ – Dan: “That’d be a good one. ‘Come here, Satan.’ Good luck finding a nanny. You should get like a Latino Catholic nanny and then just say ‘here’s my son, he’s called Satan’ and see if she just starts crying.”

47:06 Chat: ‘Anakin’ – Dan: “Oh god. Named after the worst character from anything ever. Thanks to Hayden Christensen.”

47:41 Chat: ‘Hayden Christensen is beautiful and you know it’ – Dan: “Yeah, he might be nice to look at, but he has the charisma of a plank of fricking wood. The emotional spectrum of a slate.”

49:02 Chat: ‘Why are you still single?’ – Dan: “Cause I don’t want a girlfriend. I’m too busy playing video games right now.”

53:04 Chat: ‘Cool, Dan. No one cares’ – Dan: “Oooh, why don’t you stop watching then, Val? Sassmeister. What do you want me to do, Val? The show is now in your control. What do you want, Val? What do you want? What do you want from me? What do you want to see me talk about? Why are you here? What do you want? Do you just want me to get naked? Is that all you- cause that’s not gonna happen. I can tell you n- [Laughs] Val. Calm down, Val. It’s okay.” He recommends Val goes on a Tibetan odyssey.

54:02 He heard that the moon is always the same size but looks bigger or smaller depending on the size of the objects around you. Discussion ensues.

55:07 Chat: ‘Where’s Phil?’ – Dan: “Doing things in his Phil lifffe.”

55:48 He was going to ask Charlie McDonnell to be in one of his videos a few weeks ago but he was lazy. He’s also scared that Charlie would ignore him.

56:27 Chat: ‘My friend has met you and you threw him out of a party for being drunk’ – Dan: “I don’t think that’s ever happened, so your friend is probably full of lies.”

1:00:30 Chat: ‘7 deadly sins?’ – Dan: “What sin would you like me to do next? That isn’t lust cause that might be the last one to make it go out on a bang. ‘What’s that, Dan, we don’t get the last video for 7 months?’ Probably not. Just gonna have to accept that. You might. I might not even do 7. Who knows?”

1:01:07 Chat: ‘Go out with a bang’ – Dan: “Wahey. Thank you to the person that pointed that out. Yes, if I- if the last one is lust I will quite literally be going out on a bang. I like that my mind didn’t go there. It’s nice to think there’s still- there’s still levels that I can go down to.”

1:01:26 He got to 2000 spins on Meatspin whilst making his last video. He kept laughing whilst filming. – “I asked Phil to come into the room to focus the camera on me and he nearly died laughing.” He talks about shock sites.

1:04:54 Chat: ‘You need to get a girlfriend’ – Dan: “No, no, no. I need to spend all of my time playing video games and eating now, and then get a girlfriend when I’m 29. Or just get a girlfriend that likes eating and playing video games is the answer to that question which is probably most girls that would ever like me for whatever reason.”

1:06:04 “All yo crazy people that just wanna see me with Phil, I’ll just go do that cause I need to end up in that room anyway cause that’s where the food is.”

1:07:05 He plays a few keys on the piano

1:07:39 He plays some Moonlight Sonata

1:08:09 He goes to see Phil in the lounge

1:08:31 Dan: “What the f is that hoodie?”
Phil: “It’s my Leeds student radio hoodie. I didn’t go to Leeds University.”
Dan: “Why the hell do you have a Leeds student radio hoodie?”
Phil: “It’s a long story, can’t go into it now.”
Dan: “One of your ex-girlfriends, isn’t it, Phil?”
Phil: “Perhaps.”
Dan: “One of the secret ones no one knows about.”
Phil: “The secret radio DJ.”

1:17:13 Phil “I had a friend called from Lithuania called Roy.”
Dan: “You had a friend called From Lithuania?”
Phil: “Yes.”

1:17:24 The other day they were discussing whether a sex dungeon could be in a penthouse or whether it had to be underground

1:17:34 Dan: “Frickin’ there was 1111111 people in it and the number was like /that/ that was- that was-”
Phil: “OoOoh. Make a wish, make a wish.”
[Dan eyes Phil up and down, the audio cuts off Phil’s comment]
Dan: “You haven’t exploded.”
Phil: “Oh. Disappointed.”
Dan: “I was expecting you to just rupture into a fountain of blood but th-”
[Phil pretends to explode]

1:18:11 Chat: “When you were a kid what was your Power Ranger?” – Dan: “Red.”
Phil: “I wanted to be the red ranger. I also used to kiss the screen when the pink ranger came on.”
Dan: “No you didn’t.”
Phil: “I did.”
Dan: “Oh my god, what are you?”
Phil: “A freak.”
Dan: “You used to kiss the tv?”
Phil: “Kimberley was hot.”
Dan: “Oh, I thought you meant when she was in her suit and I’m like ‘that’s just weird.’”
Phil: “Oh. Yes. Both.”
Dan: “Both.”
Phil: “Why did I just admit to that in front of-”
Dan: “I don- in front of like 12 thousand people.”
Phil: “-thousands of people. Hi. Now you know everything about me that I was hiding. Yay.”

1:19:06 Phil: “Tara kisses the screen when I’m on it. Aw, that’s creepy and nice at the same time.”
Dan: “Mostly creepy.”

1:19:31 Dan: “How are you anyway? I didn’t ask earlier cause people were being too funny with the-”
Phil: “How- how am I?”
Dan: “No, not you.”
Phil: “Why do you always look at me when you’re addressing your audience?”
Dan: “C- cause you’re in the room. I d-”
Phil: “It was like [turns his head directly toward Dan] ‘how are you, guys?’”
Dan: “Okay, well I’m just gonna never look at you again then.”
Phil: “Don’t.”

1:19:47 He asks his viewers how their day has been

1:21:35 Phil doesn’t like Facebook since its update so he never uses it

1:22:57 They have to go edit a SAP video

Phil liveshow: 22nd December, 2012

0:44 “Is this the tinsel Dan used for his sexy end screen dance? I think it’s the other piece of tinsel. We have 2 pieces of tinsel. There’s a 50% chance. I’m gonna wash my neck afterwards.”

1:19 He thought for a tiny millisecond that the world may have ended

1:59 If he goes past 11 days without uploading he thinks he needs to do another video

2:09 He’s been in a kickthepj video and Dan’s latest video

3:16 He’s excited for Christmas, he puts on a Christmas playlist

4:22 Their tree isn’t up, he tells people they’ll find out why in their Christmas radio show. It was up but it isn’t anymore

8:58 “Quiff might happen.” Everyone has a quiff so he’s resisting. He may go to the quiff when other people have moved on

9:16 They have new internet, it’s the fastest internet you can get in England

10:11 He’s going to the North tomorrow, his parent’s internet is terrible

10:38 “Am I going with Dan? No, Dan doesn’t live in Manchester. He lives in the Southlands.”

10:47 He’s missed the north, he wants to see his friends and family that live there

12:05 He wants to go back to Australia

12:42 He got his dad Dexter and chocolates. His mum is obsessed with rabbits and notecards, so he got her some of those with their old rabbit on them and also Downton Abbey. He bought a friend some fruit flavoured envelopes – he wants to open it to try one but Dan tells him no.

14:12 Phil: “I’m gonna do it. Is this bad? If anyone says that I shouldn’t do it, I’m not gonna do it.”
Dan: “What are you gonna do?”
Phil: “Eat one of the envelopes.”
Dan: “No. No.”
Phil: “Okay. I’ve been told.”
Dan: “You can’t give someone a fricking opened gift.”
Phil: “No you- you can just open the side. They wouldn’t know.”
Dan: “No.”
Phil: “Okay. I’ve been told.”

14:37 He bought his dad chocolates two weeks ago but he’s eaten them

15:08 He’s asked his parents for some anime for Christmas

15:52 He’s never seen Hercules

16:13 All his friends are Disney freaks but he wasn’t a Disney child

17:15 His family always watches a movie together on Christmas eve

17:19 The last time he was up North he put They Grey on and it was really sad and everyone was like ‘okay, I’m really sad now. Thanks, Phil’

17:56 They didn’t watch the second Breaking Dawn movie, they were going to do another reaction video but they didn’t want to watch the movie

18:38 He always has a lot of windows open in his computer

18:30 He puts on another Christmas song and sings along

19:30 He saw The Hobbit in 3D, he liked it. It was the first 3D movie he’s seen that hasn’t been blurry

22:02 He doesn’t have A Thing for a Christmas video, everyone else has A Thing, he asks for some suggestions

23:53 Chat: ‘A day in the life of Phil and his family on Christmas’ – Phil: “I’d have to ask my family, I don’t know how cool they’d be-”
Dan: “Creepy.”
Phil: “-with being on youtube, you know?”
Dan: “And you’d turn Christmas into work.”
Phil: “Yeah, I don’t want to turn Christmas into work.”

24:42 His latest video was a collab which was rare. Carrie was one of the first girls he’s collaborated with. “I only really collaborate with people that I’m friends with. I think youtube- some youtubers like collaborate with people they don’t even like just so they can get views off each other, but I don’t think that’s a cool thing to do. They’ve gotta be my friend.”

25:55 His brother said the trains are bad, he doesn’t want to get stranded in London for Christmas. He googles how long it’d take to walk from London to Manchester

27:34 He talks about what he did in the last week of school, he’d watch movies in each class etc.

29:48 He talks about his dreams this week, they’ve all been boring

31:09 He thinks Starbucks should sponsor him because he gives them a lot of free advertising

33:03 He plays his most annoying Christmas song. It’s ‘I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday.’ Dan says it reminds him of primary school canteens.

36:42 He forces his family to play board games. No one else in his family likes them

37:32 Peoples like or dislike of board games is a way of telling how compatible they are with Phil. Also their like for hot drinks and Buffy.

37:49 He has a few friends that have no similar interests with him

37:53 He doesn’t like it when people cheat during Monopoly

38:16 He recommends a horror board game called Atmosfear – There’s a guy on the TV that gives instructions and because Phil was the youngest when he played it he got chosen as ‘young one’ - “and then you have to go right up close to this creepy guy who’s kind of a bit of a paedo cause he’s like ‘you look beautiful, young one’ I’m about 8 years old…”

39:54 Someone asks to see Dan, Phil turns the camera to him. Dan fact of the day: Dan prefers showers to baths

42:27 If Phil’s been in the North for an extended period of time he adopts the Northern accent. His mum does it to people on the telephone.

42:39 “I learnt about that in English. What’s that called? Convergence. It’s when you change your accent which means- to the person that you’re talking to so they will accept you more. There you go.”

43:14 PJ didn’t warn them about playing twister, he just brought it over. They ran out of time to make a video on Phil’s channel. – Dan: “Well we make videos when we have the ideas. Not just for the sake of it.”
Phil: “Not for the sake of it.”

43:52 They very briefly do Mickey Mouse impressions

44:13 “Sophie: ‘Phil, do the sex with me.’ Sophie. At least buy me a drink and you’re probably not old enough, or maybe you are, but you could be a creepy bearded man. Don’t trust the internet. Fact.”
Dan: “Is the general life lesson.”

45:13 He’s trying to overtake Dan in the list of top broadcasters. He’s higher than Marcus Butler. Dan is number 1 in the month. Dan’s got 6000 and Phil has 3000.

46:11 He did a “hilarious” tweet about Homeland but he deleted it cause no one on his twitter watches it. The tweet was that Dana Brody was Abu Nazir the whole time.

47:32 Chat: ‘What’s your favourite joke?’ – Phil: “Um, I’ve told it a lot which is-”
Dan: “Say it again, everyone wants to hear it and plus the new people have never heard it.”
[It’s the badminton joke]

53:40 Someone says the photo is cute – Phil: “Is that a good thing though? Maybe next year I should plan on being buff.”

54:50 He doesn’t really get reddit

57:13 He plays another Christmas song

58:56 Dan enters the show, he mentions his new video (Christmas charity video with Phil, Chris and PJ)

59:45 Dan is quite prepared for Christmas, he bought all of his stuff online too

1:00:59 Chat: ‘How was spanking Chris?’ – Dan: “It was great. There is spanking if you haven’t seen my video.”
Phil: “There was like 20 takes of that as well is what you don’t know.”
Dan: “Oh, you’ve got no- I was there for- I was there for hours.”
Phil: “It was just like the night of spanking.”
Dan: “So good.”

1:01:17 Phil’s family have stopped going to Portugal

1:01:42 They briefly dance to Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

1:01:59 Phil’s wrapping tinsel around his head – Dan: “What the f are you doing? Are you making a burka out of tinsel?”
Phil: “No-”

1:02:10 Someone said their tinsel was a garland. Apaz the thin tinsel is tinsel and thick tinsel is called a garland. Dan: “No, I think England just has fat tinsel cause that’s how we like our women and our tinsel. Bootylicious. It’s quite bootylicious tinsel, isn’t it?”
Phil: “I like my tinsel to be really bootylicious.”

1:02:45 They play Christmas charades

1:03:53 Phil: “What is your Christmas morning like, Dan?”
Dan: “Quite slow and chillaxed. Wake up, open my stocking that I saw my mum walk into my room-”
Phil: “Uh, I think you mean Santa Claus.”
Dan: “Uh, yup. Santa. It’s quite funny cause now I’m at the- have I explained this before? I’m at the age where I stay up later than my mum who used to sneak into my room-”
Phil: “Oh yeah.”
Dan: “-and pretend to be Santa with the stocking, so now I’m always just like browsing on twitter at 2am and then my mum’s like ‘don’t look, don’t look, there’s a sock full of DVD’s and crap’ and I’m like ‘okay.’”
Phil: “And I think you mean Santa when you say your mum.”
Dan: “Yeah, so, uh, I wake up and then open a bunch of DVD’s that my mum got me for a pound and then go downstairs and have some buck’s fizz and then open like a couple presents and play xbox until the rest of my family arrives.”

1:04:41 Phil always wakes up before his brother and goes into his room to open his stocking. He wakes up at about 7am. Before Phil’s grandma died she used to wake up at 5am every Christmas.

1:05:20 Chat: ‘Dan, are you part of the illuminati?’ – Dan: “Yes but my- my- their plan for me hasn’t come into fruition yet, I’m kind of like a work in progress.”

1:05:32 When Dan was approx. 12 or 13 he woke up at 3am and opened his stocking and his mum had bought him the X-Men 1 & 2 DVD’s and he watched them and then fell asleep until 1pm

Last edited by lefthandedism on Fri Aug 03, 2018 10:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason:put video under spoiler for ease of page loading

5:33 He’s been trying to get a haircut for the past two weeks but he hasn’t been in England

5:43 “It’s gonna look the same but less like a bush. Here comes all the new people saying, ‘Don’t cut your hair!1!’ When I get a haircut I look exactly the same.”

5:53 Chat: ‘You look so much better with long hair though’– Dan: “Mmm. Good on you for having an opinion but no. No. No I don’t. N- I really don’t. No. No. No.”

6:11 Chat: ‘You look younger’ – Dan: “Do I? Thanks. I always like to know I’m regressing. Suppose it’s a good thing. We’ll spend a lot of our lives being old so we should try looking like ten year olds for as long as we possibly can.”

6:26 Chat: ‘Wow, I love your teeth’ – Dan: “Even the chip? From the time I bit into an apple. [Shows it] You see it there? My dentist keeps telling me to get it fixed but I’m just too lazy. He’s like, ‘I could literally get a piece of plastic and just put it in your tooth and then you wouldn’t have an apple gap in your tooth.’ And I’m like, ‘T- next week’. No.”

6:48 “Should I bring back the square hair? That was a really good look for me, wasn’t it?”

7:03 He’s never seen Green day live before

7:06 Chat: ‘Grow a beard’ Dan: “Nope. I still can’t grow beards. Not yet. Verging on 22 and I’ll still just look like an awkward teenager in the Simpsons.”

7:18 Chat: ‘Are you a Damien Hirst fan?’ – Dan: “I am indeed. Can you tell? It’s kind of ironic that you can buy artist’s merchandise, isn’t it? Kinda defeats the whole purpose but I kind of like that in a kind of like meta triple ironic kind of way. That I’m willingly buying merchandise from artists even though I understand how strange that is. An artist is a brand. Weird, right?”

7:45 His next video is “very relevant to my life at the moment. This year.”

8:06 Radio 1’s Big Weekend – he and Phil went to Northern Ireland and Ireland. He had never been there before. Apaz it’s just like England but it’s Irish

9:37 It’s the first time he’s ever worked at a music festival. You don’t get to see anyone perform because you’re working constantly but it was cool

10:19 “I think the reason the BBC people like it is cause we don’t just ask them boring questions about stuff cause lots of people already do that. It’s like when me and Phil do things with musicians we get them to do something a bit strange that normal people don’t usually get out of them. So that was cool.”

10:57 They had to get up at 7am and then were working until 2am

11:19 His tv came with two remotes

12:09 His next video will be on Friday - “I’m gonna do a thing- this isn’t a promise cause I don’t know, I’m still yet to think about this, but I might record a bit where I say- cause- I don’t know if you guys follow me on twitter or anything but you- I- this year has been so mental. Not in terms of ‘I’m so successful’ but just so freaking busy for me and Phil cause we’ve just been going to a bunch of things and we didn’t realise. Like, from the start of the year we’d been to Playlist Live in Florida, and then we went to New York, and then we went to LA, and then we came- went straight back from Youtube Comedy Week to going to Ireland, and then straight after we come back to Ireland is this week, and then soon me and Phil might be going to France, and then it’ll be Vidcon. And then like oh my god I don’t have time to do anything so I’ve like- I’m so done with going places. I just wanna stay in my apartment and eat. I just wanna sit here in my little sofa crease that I’ve dented from browsing and just sit on tumblr for about a month. I literally just wanna sit on tumblr for a month and do nothing. And just make videos. So I’m- I don’t know whether I’m gonna commit to this but I might say that I’m gonna- I’m gonna try to do a consecutive four Friday four videos thing cause I’m just so- I’m so done with leaving this apartment. I’m just gonna stay in this room and just make videos and be really antisocial. I won’t even hang out with people. Cause I just wanna- I’ve come up with so many video ideas recently. Like the other day I had a massive brain fart and there were like seven videos and I really want to make them but I’m just too busy doing loads of crap which, to be honest, it’s important that I do things with my life cause in the event that youtube gets deleted I don’t want to be homeless, but I kind of just wanna be really lazy and make some videos. So we’ll see between now and when I film the video whether I commit to that or whether I get too scared and decide not to do it, but look forward to whether I’m gonna say that or not.”

14:41 Chat: ‘Why do you have a fringe? I prefer a quiff’ – Dan: “Woah. I think, uh, I look a bit more y- I don’t think many people- everyone has a cringe- a fringe these days. A cringe they should call it. Hah. No.”

16:17 Guess the crime – “And everyone’s saying necrophilia. Great. Thanks, guys. I don’t think we- we’re not going into necrophilia again after necrophilegate the other day where I made everyone realise what it means.”

18:36 The winner is ‘Taylor Swift got a long term boyfriend’

18:53 Connor Maynard used the word ‘winning’ unironically in a video– “Sometimes I think I could be friends with Connor Maynard. He’s a pretty nice guy, I’ve met him a few times. seems pretty cool. He wears leather shirts, I appreciate that. But if he uses ‘winning’ unironically I just- I don’t know if I can accept that. Could you accept that? What if you met the love of your life and then they- if they said ‘winning’? Would you just have to leave them? I think I would. I wouldn’t take that.”

19:42 Little Mix are nice – he and Phil had met them at the teen awards last year

19:55 “One of the most awkward things that has literally ever happened to me, okay. I- we’re talking to Little Mix and Phil’s wearing this bright green t-shirt and then Perrie says, ‘Ooh, that’s a nice t-shirt, Phil.’ And then everyone goes, ‘Ooh, yeah, nice t-shirt.’ And then Phil goes, ‘Thanks.’ And then Jade looks at me and goes, ‘I like your shoes, Dan.' And then instead of going, ‘Thanks, I like what you’re wearing’ I just look down at my shoes and go, ‘Yeah, they’re really cool shoes, aren’t they?’ And then I was like ‘Oh god. Oh god.’ And then everyone was like, ‘Well, that was awkward.’ And I was like, ‘Good social skills, Dan.’ Don’t say thanks to the person that complimented you or say they’re nice. Just agree with them and say that your own shoes are cool. I- it killed me. It’s one of those things where at random moments you look back to something you’ve done in the past and just cringe. You cringe so hard that you just wanna curl up in the ball in the corner and cry. And I shit you not, okay, when we saw Little Mix on Saturday the first thing that happens is Jade goes, ‘Hi. Ooh, I like your shoes.’ I was wearing the same god damn shoes. I don’t know if she didn’t remember who I am or she didn’t remember the incident but she said the same thing. The first thing she ever said to me was, ‘I like your shoes.’ And then I see her a year later and she just says, ‘I like your shoes’ again. And I’m like, ‘What? Are you kidding?’ So hey, I took the opportunity of her forgetfulness and said, ‘Thanks, and I really like what you’re wearing.’ And she was like, ‘Thank you.’ And I was like redeemed. So basically they didn’t know who I was, but I used that to my advantage by getting rid of past awkwardness. If only everyone else could forget the mistakes of our past. That would be nice, wouldn’t it? Give us an opportunity to redeem ourselves. Oh dear.”

22:39 They were supposed do something with Vampire Weekend but the band pulled out

22:50 They were supposed to do something with Jared Leto but he pulled out (23:45 – “And I was sad cause I- I did want to gaze on the immense beauty of his face.”)

23:52 They were told half way through the day that they could have one minute with Paramore. Paramore originally said no, but Dan and Phil were sad about it and then someone spoke to their manager and so they had a small meeting with Paramore. They did meet Paramore - “and obviously Hayley Williams was immensely beautiful and perfect. Of course.”

24:30 Their interview was a minute long because Paramore didn’t know who they were and they were busy. He asks whether he should upload the interview. He uploads it to the BBC youtube channel on private and says he’ll text someone to see whether they say he can upload it

26:15 He asks people what to procrastinate with now he’s done with travelling

26:27 Someone asks him to check out their tumblr. He goes onto it, judges it, and follows them

27:16 He and Phil are back on the radio on Sunday. It’s been almost a month since they’ve been on the radio

27:46 If people reblog his tumblr videos he checks out their blogs. It’s a routine he has the morning after uploading a video

28:24 He met Ingrid in LA. “She’s really nice. Really nice. And really pretty.” He had sushi with her and everybody for Joey and Cat’s birthday

28:55 He didn’t see Tyler Oakley in LA because he was busy but Tyler is coming to England soon and he’ll make a video with him then

29:49 His phone case is one someone gave him last year at Vidcon, he likes it – “[Audio cuts off] … a little bit of you guys with me wherever I go." [pretends to vomit]

30:16 He loves LA. He thinks New York is a lot like London. LA has a slower pace and is sunny. The downside is that you have to drive everywhere but he likes it

30:44 He’s not allowed to upload to the Radio 1 youtube channel without permission. He doesn’t know why but he doesn’t think it would be a good idea for him to be allowed to because he’d leave things in that the BBC would probably censor

31:09 Micheal Aranda just came online onto Skype

31:22 Chat: ‘Would you ever move to the US?’ – Dan: “I don’t know. It’s weird cause all my friends are in London, and a lot of things about America scare me immensely. But then it’s kinda boring being cold all the time. I don’t know. Maybe. Who knows? Who knows what the future holds? Maybe I’ll do a Sam Pepper and just move over there to make youtube videos outside.”

31:56 Chat: ‘How was tea with grandparents?’ – Dan: “Yeah. Did you guys see the Instagram I posted? I, um, I went to have afternoon tea with my grandparents which is like the most English thing anyone can ever do in their life. I didn’t know that afternoon tea was actually like a thing. I suppose, you know when, uh, kids pretend to have tea parties and it’s like a tray of plastic cakes and tea, I wasn’t aware that that was a thing? You know what I mean? To actually go to a place and just have tea and cakes. So- and then it turns out loads of hotels have ‘afternoon tea’ which is basically where you sit down in some fancy hotel and just have tea and cakes. I had never done it before ever, and then my grandma was like, ‘Let’s do it.’ Cause my grandma is just like the most stereotypically middle class grandma in the entire world. Even if my family doesn’t have that much money, she’s one of the people that has a very middle-class mentality. So she was like, ‘Let’s go have afternoon tea.’ Turns out, drinking copious amounts of tea and eating a crapload of cakes is very fun. So, um, I recommend it. If any of you guys- like seriously, even if you're a bunch of bored teenagers, just do it for lols. Seriously. Just to- just to be weirded out by the situation, go to a hotel that does ‘afternoon tea.’ It's amazing. Yeah."

34:01 “I only call people ‘turnips’ when they make me sad and I don’t want to offend them. Cause like someone says something that confuses/offends me so much I can physically feel the brain tumour forming in my head but I- I- you know, I’ve learnt from past mistakes to not be remotely sarcastic to people because it doesn’t go down well. So I’m like ‘you- you silly spoon, I’m going to cry.’ [Laughs]”

34:38 Chat: ‘Remember when we were called Danosaurs?’ – Dan: “I believe you’re still called Danosaurs. According to the t-shirt.”

34:44 They were playing Call or Delete on Radio1 - “We really shouldn’t have said yes to it.” Phil pranked his mum about a badger in their apartment. He pranked Chris Stark about a nose touching incident they made him do. “It was literally the most awkward thing that has ever happened.”

36:03 “Turns out I’m not a good liar. I’m the worst liar. […] it was literally- I’m the worst liar in the world. You can tell that I’m just talking crap.”

36:38 Chat: ‘Where is Phil?’ – Dan: “I think he’s planning his next video. Because that’s- that’s what we spend a lot of our time doing. [Laughs] Thinking about things.”

36:58 He does a survey about people who don’t like Beyonce

37:38 Chat: ‘Beyonce is the ghetto queen’ – Dan: “True.”

37:45 If he had been at the BBC half an hour earlier he could have seen Demi Lovato. He secretly enjoyed Camp Rock

37:59 Chat: ‘Can you do the worm?’ – Dan: “No. Are you kidding me? I’d break the floor if I tried to do the worm. I’d cause an earthquake if I tried to do the worm.”

38:28 He was slightly too old for Camp Rock when it came out – “That being said I did go see High School Musical 3 with my girlfriend at the time cause, um, that’s just how I roll.”

38:45 He watched CBBC when he was younger. He didn’t have the Disney Channel nor did he have Sky. “I grew up in the ghetto. My family couldn’t afford Sky. BBC One. That’s what I had.”

39:07 He asks people about their favourite CBBC shows - he liked Arthur

39:51 It was his dream to go on Raven but he was slightly too old. It’s a kids show that’s like Wipe Out and other obstacle course tv shows but intended for kids. There was a man named Raven “who was strangely hot” but it annoyed him because he thought it looked easy and other kids were getting knocked off the course

41:51 “Who else ships them self with Raven? Amirite?”

41:56 “Who blames Arthur for making them a furry? Hands up. Am I joking?”

42:46 He asks people what their all time favourite kids TV show was when they were younger. He offers various opinions about specific kids tv shows

45:16 “I confess to watching probably way more Balamory episodes than I should have.”

45:29 He mentions a video Dylan Sprouse made about why they left The Suite Life of Zac and Cody – “Has everyone gotten over the ultimate betrayal that Cole Sprouse did on tumblr yet? Has anybody here been a personal victim of Cole Sprouse? Hands up if you’ve been personally victimised by Cole Sprouse. Have we forgiven him yet? I dunno. Was it that bad? I feel like he didn’t really understand what he did so I kind of feel bad for him. Everyone’s like, ‘Not over it.’ [Laughs] It was bad, wasn’t it?”

46:14 He gives himself a quiff

46:22 Chat: ‘Not forgiven. Ever.’ – Dan: “Really? He can never be forgiven?”

46:26 Cole Sprouse pretended to be a member of the Cole Sprouse fandom as a social experiment and then revealed it was him

46:49 Chat: ‘Would you twerk for us?’ – Dan: “No. [Laughs] Oh my god. I saw Iggy Azalea live at Big Weekend. A lot of twerking in her set. A lot of people were wondering whether Iggy Azalea needs to twerk. You know, does she need all the sexualness? Does she need the butts? Does she need the butt factor or can she just be a everything else? I kinda like- it gives her something different, you know what I mean? She’s really nice, by the way. And super awesome and amazing.”

47:50 Chat: ‘Don’t you think it was weird how the kids disappeared into Raven’s coat of feathers?’ – Dan: “Kind of. ‘Come back to my Raven lair.’ Hands up if you’d like to go back to the Raven lair [He raises his hand] I’m joking. I shouldn’t joke. People don’t know when I joke.”

49:48 Riot by Paramore was his car album that he used to listen to loudly in his car

50:26 “I don’t know how long all of you guys have been subscribed to me but, um, the period between September and kind of November where I did, um, ‘one video a week’ I- I was struggling then. Cause, seriously, um, some youtubers, depending on what kind of videos they make, can do one once a week, but, um, my videos take quite a while to make and I don’t want to feel creatively strained. But then I was doing the SAP and my videos at the same time. Like this year, I’m doing my, um, danisnotonfire videos and the radio show at the same time, but, if I’m being honest, it was slightly too much for me for those few months because a couple of the weeks I was like, ‘I need to just upload the video so it’s up on the Friday night’ and sometimes it was like, ‘I wish I had an extra day to edit it.’ I’m not gonna name the video I Care Too Much but it’s just like that could have done with an extra day of editing. So maybe if I did literally nothing other than youtube maybe. But, uh, I feel like I should try to diversify for the sake of my future.”

51:46 He thinks all his 2013 videos have been good

52:00 “Life is too short to not be happy with the things you create.”

52:10 Someone mentions Smosh make 2 videos a day. Dan says that’s because they’re a company and he’s just a single person doing his own videos which take 3 days to make

52:40 “You know, if in the future, I decide to hire an editor or something, maybe. But I’m kinda- I’m kinda chilled doing my own thing.”

52:54 Chat: ‘What about Grace?’ – Dan: “Eric, are you honestly telling me that you think Grace’s videos take as long to make as mine? [Laughs] I’m not saying that Grace isn’t amazing cause she’s incredible and I love her in about every single way you can love a human, but obviously my videos take more of a while to make than Grace’s.”

53:21 “My videos require hours of writing, and planning, and setting up cameras, and about 15 hours of filming and editing. It’s not just kind of turning on a game.”

54:14 Chat: ‘Can I eat you? I bet you taste nice.’ – Dan: “What’s the video that hu- Uh, the video. God, all I can think about is videos. What is the meat that people are supposed to taste like? It’s pork, isn’t it? There we go. If you’re a fan of pork then you’d like me.”

55:02 “Also, uh, I go crazy. So, let’s say if my videos took exactly the same amount of time as Pewdiepie’s took to make, he just works harder than me. [Laughs] That’s- that’s probably just a fact. I’m a procrastinator. The worst procrastinator you’ll ever meet. And I also think so much that I make myself go mental and have existential crisis’ the other day, and just have bipolar pits of lying on the floor. Which, you know, can hurt my work load sometimes. So, this is just who I am, you know what I mean? You can’t subscribe to Dan without accepting the fact that all I do is eat and sit on the internet all day. [Laughs] Do any of you guys honestly think you can compete with me on a procrastination front? I don’t think so. I bet lot of you would like to think you do. But, no. Trust me, I’m the worst procrastinator any of you would ever meet in your life.”

55:58 Day in the life of Dan and Phil will be soon but Phil just uploaded Dan and Phil in New York so they want a bit of a gap before the ditl

56:33 “Musical talent is always a good way to get to my heart. No matter who you are. Especially violin. Very touching, isn’t it?”

56:44 Chat: ‘Dan, do you believe in unicorns?’– Dan: “What does that mean? What? What does that mean?”

57:16 His live show is on a Wednesday today because he was having afternoon tea with his grandma yesterday – “Cause that’s just how cool I am. I hang out with my grandma. Yeaah. I’m a party animal. Trust me. Drinking, drugs, and all that kind of stuff. Not hanging out with my grandma. [Coughs]”

57:55 Chat: ‘A lot of people are pissed off with you’ – Dan: “Why? [Laughs] Do I want to know? No offense, but if you’re annoyed with me for any reason you’re probably wrong.”

58:05 Chat: ‘Do you know Emma Blackery?’ – Dan: “Course I do. I met her once at the creator space in London and she was really nice, with a fantastically bright hair colour like Hayley Williams.”

58:38 Someone suggests he should dye his hair, he asks people what colour he should dye it

59:00 Chat: ‘Dye it blue’ – Dan: “Blue? I feel like there’s too many cool people that have blue c- blue hair and I wouldn’t suit it. I’m not cool. I’m not the kind of cool person that could get away with a crazy hair colour.”

59:42 “Oh my god. Guys, the weirdest thing ever happened the other day. You know my psycho French teacher? I don’t know if you guys have watched this cause it’s a really old video, but I used to have a French teacher that was mental. [Laughs] Short version: he used to hide coffee cups around the room, he used to lock people in cupboards, he used to meow randomly and do Michael Jackson impressions, and he was insane, and then he made everyone fail their exams, then he got fired for faking that he was a doctor. A guy sent me an email the other day saying, “Dan, is the name of your teacher this guy? Cause I think he teaches at my school.’ And I’m just like, ‘Ooh, this is just a person making something up to get me to talk to them.’ And I was like, ‘Okay then, what’s his name?’ And then he said the same name and I thought, ‘Okay, he could just- he could’ve just got the name of the psycho French teacher of mine from a news story or something.’ But then he was like, ‘I’ll send you a picture.’ And then he sent me another email and it was a freaking- he took a picture of the guy and it was the same teacher from my psycho French teacher. I am not even joking. Some random guy called Thomas that watches my videos has the same French teacher as my psycho French teacher and when I was like, ‘I don’t believe you’ he sent me a picture in class. I nearly died cause I was like, ‘How can this guy make local news for being crazy and faking his doctorate and then go on to have a career again?’ I don’t know, but then this guy just takes me a picture.”

1:01:16 He tries to find the picture in his gmail to tweet – “Seriously, this happened. I spent the entire morning freaking out. Phil was like, ‘Are you okay?’”

1:04:16 He unprivates the Paramore video

1:05:20 [He spons their Radio1 videos] “I have not slept in about a week, uh, because I’ve been making them for you guys. I didn’t have to, and I’m not being paid more by the BBC to do them. I literally did them just cause I’d- I thought you guys would appreciate me and Phil doing these things. So, me and Phil both hope you like these things…”

Dan liveshow: 25th June, 2013

0:16 He took a thumbnail picture but it was horrific so he turned his computer off and on again to take another one

2:29 New video talk (What not to do at The Beach) He went to sleep about 5am after uploading it

4:05 He, Phil, the guys from Sorted Food, and others went to Cannes last week. They were doing youtube stuff. The event was on a beach, and he had an awful time. Phil had to go speak to someone so Dan was alone on the beach and then the beach events from his video unfolded

5:51 He wasn’t topless in the video though it would have been appropriate- “I’m not one of those guys that’s like, ‘Hey. Everybody, look at my sexiness’ on the internet. It seems a bit cringe. I dunno. If I did it deliberately it would be like I was making a conscious decision to especially be topless. I was like, ‘Wow. This is weird. I’m not- I’m not gonna do that.’ Plus, I’ve as I’ve said, I look like Jabba the Hutt, and I, um, wouldn’t want to permanently disturb anybody with the rolls that go from my chin down to my ankles. I just look like a slinky made of fat basically.”

6:38 He thinks North is a cool name but North West is a bit silly

7:14 Chat: ‘Hi, Dan. Come on, you’re not fat.’ – Dan: “No, it’s- it’s a tall person thing. It’s like when I’m stood up I look two dimensional like I have really thin starving orphan arms. But then when I, uh, sit down it’s like I’m compressing my entire body into a sit down pose.”

7:46 He saw a group of topless guys kick a girl’s sand castle and decided at that moment the video needed to be made

8:09 Chat: ‘You look like a granny’ – Dan: “That’s good. Thanks.”

8:16 Someone asks who was throwing the ball at him, he says it was the Sorted Food guys

8:34 “It’s that hellish moment where anyone that is crap at football walks through a game of people playing football and just gets annihilated somehow. That was basically me at school for the 10 years I was in high school.”

9:22 He lost his shirt down the side of the washing machine for 5 months and found it today

9:34 Chat: ‘You look like Anthony Padilla’ – Dan: “That’s- thanks.”

9:39 He asks if any people know a French youtuber called Norman. Dan didn’t know who he was and the French youtuber didn’t know who he was either. It was awkward because Dan doesn’t speak French and the other guy didn’t really speak English - “And then I made Phil rescue me. So yeah. That was fun.”

10:52 He discusses in depth what he would do if someone threw a placenta at him

14:19 Chat: ‘Will you do a video with Tyler Oakley?’ – Dan: “I think it’s safe to assume that at some point I will do a video with Tyler. Yes. Um. Of all the youtubers that I would probably make a video with at some point in the future I think that me and Tyler Oakley makes a lot of sense. I dunno. It’s just I’ve known him for a while. We get on quite well. We talk a lot on the internet. We spent quality time together at Playlist Live, and I think that we share a lot in common in a sense of humour on youtubey kinda way. So I think we could do something. I’m not sure if I want to join in with the, uh, collab tour of British youtubers that’s happening at the moment, but I do wanna make a video with Tyler.”

16:15 He went to see World War Z

16:21 He’s done with film trailers. He’s been to the cinema 5 times in the past 2 months and they keep showing long trailers

18:18 He’s looking forward to the new Skins

19:46 “Me and Phil spent loads of money on the iMac we have so it could be all fancy for editing so, um, like rendering videos doesn’t take ages and I swear to god, even though it can play games really good, and it can edit videos really quickly, 3 gifs in one window the computer explodes. It just complete shut down…”

20:52 He hasn’t met Pewdiepie. He thinks he’ll meet him at Vidcon but he doesn’t think Pewdiepie knows who he is.

21:04 Before the French youtuber even spoke to him he told Dan he looked like Anthony Padilla – “That’s my entire life.”

22:04 He’s working at Reading Festival this year

22:39 Chat: ‘Do you ever google yourself?’ – Dan: “No. I’m far too terrified of what I might find if I do that.”

23:13 Last Sunday on their radio show the Dan vs Phil was a sleeping bag caterpillar race. It was degrading. There was a picture of Dan that was horrific.

24:29 He was on the tube earlier and sat down next to a ‘crazy guy’ and a sweaty business man. Both of them started sneezing, and he wanted to cry

26:30 “God me. Trying to lose my Winnie the Poohness. It was an accident and now it’s- well, it was- [Laughs] Uh, sorry, I’m just laughing at things in the chat. Oh dear.”

26:46 When he goes on a plane the only films he ends up watching are ones in which planes explode

28:03 He recommends people watch The Grey – “It’s a real man film. You know, Liam Neeson versus the wilderness.”

28:31 Chat: ‘Are you a first class kinda guy?’ – Dan: “I wish. [Laughs] When I- if I- if I ever get sent, uh, somewhere by a company like when me and Phil went to comedy week we were sent there by Google. So, obviously, cause Google have like infinite money, they paid for us to go business class and I swear to god it’s- it’s just horrific having to do anything else because I’m so tall… Flying is just like hell. It’s hell on earth. So after Google once paid for me to go in business class I just cry every time I get on a plane now cause I’m like, ‘I’m a peasant and I’m in lots of, like, horrible pain for the next 10 hours trying to sleep sat up.’ It’s horrible.”

29:20 Capri Sun pronunciation debate

30:35 Guess the crime

31:47 “Do I just- do I just attract sassy people because of my sense of humour?”

33:15 He met Toby Turner once and he had no idea who Dan was

33:30 He asks whether people agree that Amanda Bynes is now deliberately acting crazy to exaggerate her famousness

33:45 He doesn’t mind Justin Bieber but he doesn’t like his jeans. The only problem Dan has with Justin Bieber is his fashion sense.

34:13 Someone asks if he can twerk, he says he won’t show people. “Maybe my video with Tyler, whenever I make it, can be a twerking tutorial. Definitely not happening.”

34:28 Justin Bieber has a leather onesie. Dan says it’s a gimp suit. He ponders whether Justin Bieber is trying to get people to slowly prepare for him to go out in a bondage suit

35:08 He’s asked Krave to send him a challenge

35:19 Chat: ‘When is day in the life happening?’ – Dan: “I don’t know. Ask Phil.”

35:29 Chat: ‘Did you pay those guys to throw balls at you? Cause that’s basically prostitution’ – Dan: “No. I- I- it was an old school youtube collaboration where people just be in each others videos for the fun of it. How youtube has changed.”

36:53 Die Antwoord talk – “He looks like a skin head, and she- the girl called YoLandi looks kind of scary but oddly one of the most attractive women in the world. Seriously. As I’ve said before, any guy who’s seen Die Antwoord has YoLandi Visser in their top 5 of I’m- this is weirdly attractive. Yeah. Or maybe people shouldn’t find things weird/strange to be attractive.” He didn’t really like their new video. They play characters and their video was about gun crime and “me not wearing anything and infantilising myself in a kind of creepy ‘I’m a little girl, spank me’ kind of way that’s getting a bit disturbing. Anyway…”

38:46 Chat: ‘Have you read any Larry fanfiction?’ – Dan: “I think, because I follow people that reblog my videos, I follow loads of Larry shippers on tumblr. So whether I like it or not I’ve seen quite a lot of it.”

39:29 Yeezus talk

40:14 He met Caspar Lee at Playlist Live but it was weird because Sam Pepper interrupted them

41:23 “I remember once when I was, uh, like 14 I wanted to, um, impress the ladies by buying, uh, Davidoff ‘Cool Water’ cause back then like girls literally used to be magnetised to you if you smelt of Davidoff ‘Cool Water.’ And I bought the after shave instead of the spray stuff and I just like undid the nozzle and saw that there wasn’t a spray thing and it was just a bottle with it in the thing, and I was like, ‘Am I supposed to just like- what- what- I’m- I’m like 12. What the hell am I supposed to be doing?’ So. Yeah. That was good. But then I bought it and wore it for about a week. Seriously. I say a week, it was probably like 2 years. I- I’m not even joking though, like, I used to be, like, in Topman and I’d ask someone to pass me something from the top shelf if there was like a toilet and then a girl working there would literally be like, [sniffs] ‘Wow. You smell good.’ And I was just like glasses fall onto the eye balls. So, if you’re- if you’re a guy who’s mentally stuck in 2007 who’s looking for a babe magnet then Davidoff 'Cool Water.' There we go. It did the job apparently.”

42:39 Tyler tweets him about twerking. “I’ll tell you what, I’ll- me and Tyler will do that for our own personal enjoyment and then we won’t put that on the internet. Just for us. [Laughs] Although, we said that that was gonna be a three-way with Grace…”

43:35 He watches the new Miley Cyrus video - “Wow there’s butts. There’s a lot of butts happening.” A lot of butt talk.

45:36 He met Marcus Butler but Marcus was sick on the one day they met

50:41 Chat: ‘Do you ever think you’ll ever do a collab with Smosh?’ – Dan: “I- I think it’s safe to say I will definitely one day, probably not too far away, be in a video with Anthony. And probably with Ian and Anthony.”

51:02 Ian is the coolest guy. He’s really smart and impressive

51:37 Chat: ‘You totally have a girl crush on Anthony’ - Dan: “Well if I did have a crush on Anthony that would just be gay, wouldn’t it? [Laughs] It wouldn’t be a girl crush. A guy crush, however. Much in the same way I have a guy crush with Thom Yorke. It’s kinda different.”

53:05 He looks like a tramp in internet things. He straightens his hair to walk across the road but not for live shows or youtube videos

54:04 Toddlers and Tiaras and Keeping up with the Kardashians are guilty pleasures of his

54:14 He loves Joseph Gordon Levitt. He wants to meet him one day. It’s not improbable because Wirrow is best friends with JGL

56:13 Chat: ‘American KFC is amazing’ – Dan: “Is it? It’s probably worse quality than the UK, to be fair. We’re a lot more anal about what goes into our food.”

56:25 Chat: ‘You’re so posh1!’ – Dan: “Thanks for the one so I know you’re being sarcastic, Sarah. I appreciate that touch.”

56:31 “‘Where’s Phil?’ said Nicole without any ones meaning that she wasn’t being sarcastic. I don’t know where Phil is. We’re not- we’re not attached like Siamese twins. Maybe you should tweet him.”

56:56 Schedule pronunciation talk

58:04 He asks people what they don’t like about the beach

58:34 Chat: ‘Old people’ – Dan: “You can’t just have a problem with old people. You’ll be an old people one day. You’ll be an old people… You’ll be part of the old people one day, and then youngin’s on younow will be moaning about you with your crusty body…”

1:00:09 At his school seagulls used to live near his school because of the litter. He didn’t live near any water. Seagull discourse ensues. French seagulls are majestic, unlike the ones at his school. The seagulls at his school used to mug people.

1:02:23 “Man. Seagulls. They’re like Nazis but worse, aren’t they?”

1:02:54 His first video, other than Hello Internet, was a Reason’s Why Dan’s a Fail. RWDAF videos will keep coming

1:04:07 His music taste is #Diverse

1:05:00 He googles how to pronounce Capri Sun. He asks people to send him videos of them saying Capri Sun

1:08:13 “Become a stripper they earn loads of money. Seriously. Do you see how much money strippers earn? They always c…”

Dan liveshow: 16th July, 2013

0:35 He’s using Phil’s mac, because he dropped his down some stairs, but Phil’s mac doesn’t work

1:30 He got an email after his live show last week about a girl really needing to pee during his live show but they held on, he tells people to go to the bathroom now

2:33 He’s very warm at the moment. They’re having a heat wave

3:44 His favourite ice cream flavour is Ben and Jerry’s Cookie Dough

4:24 He has ‘humidity hair’

5:46 Chat: ‘Curl your hair’- Dan: “I don’t think I have enough hair to curl. How- how do girls curl their hair? Are they those things that look like, um, uh, don’t say anything bad. They look like long sticks. Is that what curling things look like? I only know cause of that viral video of that girl who, uh, whose hair fell off when she curled it. That’s my favourite thing on the internet.”

6:08 Chat: ‘Wands’- Dan: “There we go. Not penises. They look like really- they look like wands. Yeah.” He’d just need to wet his hair to make it curly

8:08 He will be going to Vidcon. He’s excited to meet people and party with his American friends. He may do some videos with American youtubers

8:30 London DITL will be in a few weeks. They’re waiting for a new vlogging camera because their old red camera doesn’t work

9:39 He’s going to film his new video tomorrow. It’s inspired by his current life

9:49 Spotify update: Jay Z

11:03 “‘Call me’ said somebody and then pasted their mobile number into the chat. Guys, don’t- don’t paste your mobile numbers into chat rooms that 12,000 people are looking at. There’s at least three terrifying paedophiles watching this right now and you just pasted your number into the chat. So, if you are a scary, um, predator please don’t scroll up.”

11:51 Chat: ‘Can you make a video of you just doing sexy faces to music?’ - Dan: “That’s- that’s not gonna happen.”

11:57 “So, did you see that the picture I tweeted the other day of, uh, me eating food? I asked my mum- I was at my uncles 50th birthday party which was at a Japanese place, and I asked my mum to take a photo cause there was a really cool, like, boat of dessert that arrived in a thing of ice. So I asked my mum to take a photo of me on her- on my iPhone, and my mum has never used an iPhone before, and it- it was- it was a bad photo. I dunno if you guys have seen it. I tweeted it and it was just- it was a horrific thing that happened. Uh, I’ll try to find it on my computer. I’ll make it really big for you guys. So, uh, I was like, ‘Okay, grinning, mum. Now just tap the camera thing.’ And then she tapped it and it was like- it was, uh, a tremendously horrific derp on my behalf. It wasn’t good.”

13:25 “Okay, are you ready guys? This is the, uh, the derpy- [Shows the picture on his laptop] Do ya see- Do ya see that there? Woow. Eyes closed. Hands moving towards the camera to take it back off my mum. Thanks, mum. Good iPhone skills. So I thought, ‘Wow. That’s the most horrific photo that’s been taken of me so far in 2013. I better tweet it.’ And that’s exactly what I did.”

“@danisnotonfire: i asked my mum to take a photo of me and my uncle and this is what she gave back to me. good iPhone skills mum ??”

14:33 He goes into the living room

14:36 He asks people what they’ve been listening to lately – “What have you been listening to recently? Because I like to- to know what you guys have been up to, and judge you if you have bad taste. That’s of course just as important.”

15:15 Chat: ‘Blood on the Dance Floor’ - Dan: “Were you being sarcastic when you said that? I’m sorry, if you, uh, okay. I don’t like expressing negative opinions but I- I do want to clarify whether you were ironically saying you’ve been listening to Blood on the Dance Floor.”

15:37 Chat: ‘Christmas music’ - Dan: “Why? You mentalist.”

15:40 He’s been eating a lot of Calippo’s

17:09 “I went to my uncle’s birthday, I think it was on Saturday. The Saturday before that, um, I got a text from my mum at about five in the afternoon that just said, ‘Dan, remember the sixth.’ I think it was or was it the seventh? I think it was like, ‘Remember the seventh.’ And I was like, ‘What? What does she mean ‘remember the seventh?’ Oh it’s my uncles birthday. Yeah, that’s right uncle’s birthday on the seventh.’ And then I looked at my thing and I was like, ‘Oh god. That’s today.’ So I freaked out because I was like, ‘Oh, god. I’m supposed to be at my uncle’s birthday right this very second, and I’m not. I’m at my house and I’m supposed to be at some restaurant about two hours away.’ So I freaked out and I instantly got dressed. It was like really hot, and I put on, like, smart shirt, smart shiny shoes, dashed out of the house. I literally like sprinted to the train station coughing up blood, sat on a train for- I think it was almost two hours I was on this train, and then I got off the train, arrived at the restaurant, I went up to the thing and I was like [gasping] ‘I’m here. I’m here for the Howell party. There should be a table under Howell.’ And then the woman just looked at me and was like, ‘Uh, yup, there’s- there’s no table here for Howell.’ And I was like, ‘Excuse me?’ And then I looked at my phone and I realised that my calendar was wrong and it was a week ahead which meant that I had gone to the restaurant a week early, and my family weren’t there. So, I had gotten dressed up, I had run to a train station, I got on a train for two hours, walked all the way into the restaurant, and then suddenly realised at the exact moment that I asked the woman where my family was sitting, that it was happening, I think- yeah. It was- it was happening on a completely different date. So I- I just- I wanted to cry, basically, cause it was- it was the worst. It was one of those things where you just have a horrific two hours of public transport and, uh, people in suits glaring at you cause you’re running past them. And I realised that I- I was an entire week out of date, and then I- the best thing about that was after I spent about two hours leaving my house to get to the restaurant, I then had to, uh, spend another two hours going back to my house. So that was fun. It- basically my entire day was spent going somewhere and coming back because it- I just- I didn’t mean- I didn’t tell anyone of my family that that happened, and that was- that was just absolutely terrible. So, yeah. That- that happened. That was so incredibly stupid. I can’t even. It was a terrible day for me.”

20:04 “That’s so Dan, isn’t it? Seriously. I mean that- that would only happen to me. I just- ohh, the- the utter despair of that moment where that- this Asian lady was staring at me like, ‘This guy’s crazy. What the hell’s he on about?’ And I was just like [ehhop]. Kill me. Kill me, kill me, kill me. So, yup, that’s- that’s what I’ve been up to. Uh, that- that was fun. Totally.”

20:28 Chat: ‘Reasons why Dan’s a fail’ - Dan: “Yup. That’s why I have a youtube channel. [Laughs] I won’t be making a video about that entire anecdote though. Don’t worry about that.”

20:55 He once walked to school on a Saturday

21:02 He used to go to school on the teachers only days

21:23 Chat: ‘Talk about potatoes’ – Dan: “They’re a good a- potatoes are good. They can be turned into fun things. Ireland had a lot and they didn’t for a while, and it was very sad.”

22:47 Glee talk – he and Phil stopped watching Glee a few episodes into season 4. Season 1 and 2 are probably his favourite seasons of any TV show ever. He went to glee live. He’s “utterly devastated” about Cory Monteith. They played ‘Don’t Stop Believing’ at the end of their radio show

24:53 He needs to work on “stalking and befriending Pewdiepie.” He’s not sure Pewdiepie knows who he is. “Maybe I need to just go down the whole How to Befriend Your Favourite Internet Stars stalker route. Because, let’s be honest guys, I’m more likely to succeed than- than you sure. I’m sorry, that’s just true.”

25:21 He says Pewdiepie is the 4th most subscribed youtuber of all time

25:34 His hat is about 4 years old. He lost it for several months and then someone gave it back

25:47 Someone in the chat says Pewdiepie is the 2nd most subscribed youtuber of all time. Dan thinks that’s mental.

26:37 He likes milk and one sugar in his tea

26:45 He’s the 700 and something most subscribed channel on youtube - “Irrelevant”

27:27 According to someone in the chat he’s 139th most subscribed

27:49 He’s not going to do a 2 million video because he doesn’t want to set a precedent

28:18 Chat: ‘You look like Chris from Skins’ - Dan: “That’d be a compliment if it was at all true”

28:48 He mentions blogtv and that you used to be able to kick people if you wanted to. He jokes he’d kick the people asking him to come to x country

29:35 He won’t do live videos on youtube because they’d then be uploaded to youtube. He wants these to be casual and irrelevant

30:08 He wants to see Pacific Rim

30:17 Animal Crossing talk

30:27 His apartment technically has 3 floors because of the bathroom and office

31:35 He didn’t see Tyler Oakley. He wants to do a video with him in LA but he hasn’t asked him yet

31:53 Chat: ‘Are you and Phil doing more SAP?’ - Dan: “Maybe. We said we’d come back for seasonal specials, but we kinda just absorbed the best parts of it and made them better for our radio show which is live.”

32:16 He wants to make another video with Jack and Finn. They’re both bad at texting. One of them will text the other to hang out and the other wont reply for 4 days and vice versa.

33:59 His advice for college is have fun but do work

34:06 Chat: ‘Tell an extremely cheesy joke’ - Dan: “What’s Phil’s favourite joke? Uh, how does it go? I don’t want to tell the joke wrong in front of all these people.” He tells the badminton joke.

34:36 [Dan’s looking around the room] “What’s this? What is this? [Leans over and grabs a bunch of money] What is this? It’s a pile of money. Is Phil doing his thing where he withdraws emergency money again? Mmm. [Swipes the money onto the floor] Yeah, check me- living the- that’ all Phil’s money that I just flipped over the floor. Ahem. Yup, it’s the month of Phil’s, Phil’s, uh, Ph-”

34:55 Chat: ‘Shane Dawson is doing the tumblr tag with Joey Graceffa’ – Dan: “Is he? Phil was- Phil was debating making the tumblr tag a tag video. Uh, ie. making it a tumblr tag tag, but then Phil was like, ‘No. I’m fed up of bloody tag videos.’ And I was like, ‘Good point, Phil. Fuck the system. Don’t make it a tag video.’ Oh, Shane.”

35:27 Chat: ‘Will there ever be another fantastic foursome?’ - Dan: “Yes. As- as often as there’ve been other fantastic foursome videos.”

36:36 Someone asks about making an Omegle video – “I’ve made like 3 Omegle videos in my life. Including one where I- I crossed dressed as Carly Ray Jepsen on Chatroulette so you’re- you’re late to the partay. It was, uh, the Christmas show that me and Phil did for the radio last year that was amazing. Oh my god. I don’t- I don’t usually like to, um, say anything positive about myself ever but that- that Christmas show was good.”

39:05 Chat: ‘Opinion on youtube fame? People only seem to aim for fame now.’ - Dan: “I think you can tell the people who- who- who went into it for the wrong reasons, but, uh, usually they make shit videos, don’t they? I think all the people- well. Let’s- yeah, let’s end- let’s end this conversation.”

39:21 Chat: ‘Is there a have sex with Dan button?’ – Dan: “Not yet. I think younow are working on that.”

39:39 Chat: ‘Why did you pick the skin fic of all fanfictions to read in your video?’ Dan: “Uh, I like the skin fic. A lot.” He talks about the milk fic.

39:57 Chat: ‘Youtube beef’ - Dan: “No. No beef. No beef. No drama. No beef. No. No. Happy sunshine and rainbows. And smiles in the life of Dan. No negative opinions here. Only happiness. Um. Fuck. I’m gonna cry.”

40:34 Continuation of the discussion about the milk fic. He didn’t think the milk fic that was bad so people wrote ones that were intended to be worse. “Some are better than others, you know? Some- they just go all out like, ‘Oh they pooped on the poop, then threw up on the poop, and then they- they pooped on the poop, and then ate the poop, and then had sex on the poop, and then there was blood and poop and sick everywhere…” He likes the skin fic because it was original. “They didn’t just go down torture and anal insertion and poop…” It was moderately well written, short and concise. Solid B+.

42:11 He read One Direction his friend sent him and it was Larry fanfic told through the perspectives of other band members. He liked it. He thought it was very good. A/A-.

43:24 Someone asks if he likes The Wanted’s new song. He says he doesn’t want to say anything bad about them now that he’s met them. He met them and it was one of the worst moments of his life. He was walking away as they were trying to talk to him.

47:12 He follows too many people on twitter. He wants to unfollow about 100 people but he’s afraid because unfollowing people is something that people take as an insult – “For like two years I’m like, ‘Kinda wanna unfollow this person. Kinda wanna unfollow this random person I know or work with.’ And it’s just awkwardness. So, my twitter is now just awkward follows that- that can never go away. I should make a new one. My secret twitter for actually looking at it.”

48:01 He’s currently reading a video game book

48:26 Chat: ‘Aka you want to unfollow Phil cause he tweets too much about cereal’ – Dan: “That’s what it is. I hate Phil. You don’t understand. Seriously. In ways you can’t imagine, but I’m just forced to live with him and work with him cause it’s just gone on for too long.”

48:48 He’s had his videos being flagged for being inappropriate about 3 or 4 times in his youtube career. “I think I’m- I’m- on a par with Shane Dawson there which is saying a lot when you’re talking about 2008 era Shane Dawson.”

49:11 One of the flagged videos was Truth or Dare 1 and one was Sexy Internet Dating. His first video to hit 1 million views was I Will Go Down With This Ship. He feels he’s been robbed because Truth or Dare 1 got a top tweet and 200,000 views in one day and then it got flagged and the views stopped. He sent an angry email to youtube and it got unflagged. He didn’t censor Sexy Internet Dating when he uploaded it the first time but he feels it would also have been his first video to get a million views. He advises not to include penises in your videos, even if they’re blurred. “There are mums out there and they don’t even want to see pixelated dongs.”

51:08 Guess the crime

54:33 He’s currently wearing boxers that have stars on them

54:49 Chat: ‘Do a collab with Zoella’ – Dan: “I- Zoe is such a nice human. Fucking make up vloggers taking over the world. It’s very depressing for someone who spends so long making their videos. But it’s even more depressing for people like Tomska so I have no right to complain.”

55:03 He liked meeting Zoe on his way to Playlist Live. She was nice

55:39 He jokes about making ironic haul videos – “Spontaneous sale haul. I bought a black t-shirt with a dog on it, that’s 80% off and a bunch of people complained that I buy expensive t-shirts. Da da da. Subscribe for more.”

56:20 His tumblr is amazing – tumblr discourse

57:22 He doesn’t like bananas that much

57:29 Chat: ‘What hotel are you staying at while at Vidcon?’ – Dan: [Laughs] “Why the hell would I tell you that? Why do you not realise? What- I don’t want you to stalk me. Why would I tell you?”

57:41 His next video will be “inspired by my current life and it’s very relevant and important to me. And I feel like it’s a topic that I need to address…” (It’s How NOT To Stay Cool)

58:10 He decides to make a wager if his new video isn’t on youtube by 8-9pm this Friday England time. He asks for suggestions.

58:51 He doesn’t want to make an ironic haul video. The make-up youtubers are nice. “They shouldn’t be parodied for doing what they love.”

59:35 Chat: ‘Write a fanfic of you and Phil’– Dan: “I might do that one day anyway just to show off my writing skills. What should it be? Like a vampire universe one?”

1:00:03 He wants to do more cooking videos - “that’s always gonna happen”

1:00:22 If his video isn’t uploaded by Friday evening, Saturday until 2am counts, he will post a leg waxing video which will cause him an immense amount of pain and make him look like “a giant pussy”

1:00:58 “I don’t like grooming. A- a girl I know once tried to, um, pluck my eyebrows and I- I wanted to cry cause it was just horrible. You know, I’m just not- I can’t do it like Jack and Finn. I just- I can’t. I don’t have the inner strength.”

1:01:29 Chat: ‘You couldn’t be a woman’ – Dan: “I couldn’t. I’m far too much of a pussy to be a woman. Is it sexist to say pussy? Or is it like cat? I don’t know. Let’s not go into it. Pussy’s a good word let’s not ruin it by socially analysing it.”

1:01:59 He used to have drums but he left them at home when he went to university

1:02:53 He will one day collab with Pewdiepie. He’ll put ‘stalk Pewdiepie’ on his to do list

1:03:59 “I don’t want to turn into a collab whore. So I wanna just- I wanna make videos with the people that I- I think would make sense with, you know what I mean? I don’t- I don’t wanna collaborate just for the sake of getting more subscribers. I wanna do it with people that I- I’m friends with and it makes sense, you know what I mean? Like me and Tyler Oakley make sense. It’s gonna happen. Me and Anthony Padilla. It’s gonna happen. I feel like me and Pewdiepie would make sense. And if I establish a friendship with one of your favourite youtubers and it feels good that we should make a video together then that will happen. I just- I won’t do it hither and thither.”

1:06:37 He spilt Ribena on his keyboard and now all the keys are stuck together

Dan liveshow: 27th August, 2013

0:04 He tried to go into the danisnotonfire room but it didn’t work and he got put into the girls room but he didn’t want to be in that

0:53 Chat: ‘Dan, you look Chinese’ – Dan: [Thumbs up] “Thanks.”

0:58 He’s sick

1:08 Joey Graceffa had a cold, he gave it to Cat. Cat hung out with him and Phil and gave the cold to Phil. Phil and Cat gave it to Dan

3:45 He uploaded his Krave challenge video

4:02 Since his last live show he also went to Reading Fest, watched the VMA’s, and watched The Conjuring. He asks people which they want him to talk about first and he may have opinions – “I used the O word. Remember, I have no opinions on anything.”

4:31 VMA talk. He discusses the Miley Cyrus performance (the one with Robin Thicke) He liked the singing, didn’t like her hair, but, “you can do whatever you want with your head.”

5:14 “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being sexual or dancing or twerking. I just thought that she was a bit scary with her mouth. Okay, so, no problem with anything to do with Miley Cyrus’ performance, I- I was just slightly scared by how much she was going [sticks his tongue out] all the time, you know what I mean?” Her new look intimidates him. He loves her new song and music video but he’s a bit terrified her. “She might have impregnated herself with a foam finger basically is what happens.”

6:13 More VMA talk, he liked Lady Gaga’s performance

6:45 Taylor Swift vs One Direction VMA drama talk. Long story short: no one actually knows whether Taylor Swift actually slighted One Direction. It’s all over British media, they’re taking it out of proportion and creating false stories. He likes Taylor Swift but he thought she looked scary with her hair done like it was.

10:23 “Liam is probably my favourite member of One Direction at the moment.”

11:10 He doesn’t really like Bruno Mars’ music that much but he thinks he’s talented

11:33 Taylor Swift is taller than Dan

12:26 “Shout out to the hater who said I’m freaking annoying in the chat. Why are you here? [Laughs] Amazing.”

12:43 He saw The Conjuring last night at the cinema. He thought it was amazing. Horror talk. He’s a horror fanatic, he “know[s] everything about horror movies.” The Conjuring is in his top 10, possibly top 5. He recommends people watch it.

14:20 Spotify update. He asks people to guess what they think his top song and artist is. We Can’t Stop is his number 1 listened to song, he says it’s a lie. His most listened to artist is Earl’s Sweatshirt.

16:22 Latest video talk. “I didn’t actually want to do the Krave challenge cause I thought it would be a bit cringe or whatever, but like I- I didn’t- like ask to do it or whatever but then obviously after Phil did it all of you guys were like, ‘Daaan, when are you gonna do yours?’ And then Jack tagged me in it so I was like okay.” It was funny and painful. “If you didn’t watch it, my friend had a slingshot…” PJ filmed it.

17:26 “I just wanna say, for the record, I’m done for the moment, okay? I- I’m done with physically degrading videos, okay? Just- just for a while. After Truth or Dare 5 and this Dan the Dinosaur thing back to back, I just- I just wanna stop. Just for a while and do nice, boring, static videos. You know, the kind of ones that you don’t like where I’m really sarcastic and sad looking. Just, you know, one of those ones. Yeah. Like Ironic Appreciation. Just joking.” His next video will be a “happy medium” between a reasons why Dan’s a fail and Meaning of Life.

19:01 Someone asks where the day in the life video is. They were waiting for their new camera to arrive before they filmed the ditl video. The camera arrived, they filmed it, and Phil’s just finished editing it. Day in the Life of Dan and Phil in London will be uploaded straight after this live show.

20:31 Reading Festival talk. He went 5 times as a teenager. It’s been a big part of his life, lots of fond memories. He was working there this year. It was amazing.

22:09 System of a Down is one of his all-time favourite bands. Definitely top 10, possibly top 5. He hadn’t seem them live because they went on hiatus by the time he was old enough to go to a concert by himself. He finally got to watch them from the side of stage. It was incredible.

22:56 They watched Green Day from the side of stage too. He walked past Billy Joe, he was really clean.

23:42 “Oli Sykes totally hates me and Phil. [Laughs] It’s so obvious. Whenever we meet him and we do an interview with loads of stupid questions he’s like, ‘I’m 500% done with you’ about one minute in. God. So quiet. So, yeah. That’s cool.”

24:27 They were told to introduce Imagine Dragons on stage. It was fun. He called everyone moist, “Which apparently was inappropriate and awkward.” Phil couldn’t hear his microphone so he was screaming at the audience

25:31 “And it reminded me of the thing that I most hate in the world which is random people on the internet accusing you of looking awkward or embarrassed or scared and it’s just- oh my god. It’s like the one thing I know so many youtubers hate is when people are like, ‘You look so awkward in that photo.’ So say a youtuber, or anyone for that matter, instagrams a nice photo of themselves with a friend or family member and then all of a sudden, for no reason, people will just comment saying, ‘Wow, you look so awkward.’ And everyone’s just like I don’t- there’s- I don’t look awkward. I wasn’t awkward. There was nothing awkward about this situation, yet people are just like, ‘Wow, this is just such an awkward photo.’ And it just makes people want to pull their eyes out of their face. And it’s just the same thing, like I could have just had a great time doing something and been really confident and cool and then people would just be like, ‘Wow, you look so terrified.’ I’m like I wasn’t remotely terrified. I was really excited and happy and everyone’s like, ‘Wow, that was like super awkward.’ It’s like the one thing that makes everybody want to bang their head against a pair of scissors.”

27:14 They walked past Tyler the Creator

27:17 Tyler Oakley got a selfie with Katy Perry at the VMA’s – “And I was just thinking that’s a really cool opportunity, you know what I mean? When youtubers meet musicians and famous people and they get a selfie and then everyone on Instagram’s like, ‘Oh my god.’ Whereas I- I never feel like I would want to go up to someone like that and have a selfie, you know what I mean? Cause I dunno, this is probably just me sounding utterly narcissistic with delusions of grandeur and stuff like that, but basically it’s like I don’t want to go up to someone like Tyler the Creator and be like, ‘Can I have a selfie?’ And look like just a fan girl on the basis that one day I might, like, naturally hang out with somebody and they think that I might be cool and stuff like that.” They walked past Tyler the Creator and Dan was excited so Phil told him to get a selfie with him but he didn’t even though he would have loved to

28:19 “I like the idea that one day in 5 years the person might know me like, you know, after I’ve had an interview with a band it’s like we saw Frank Turner in the lobby at Radio 1 today, and he was like, ‘Hey, Dan and Phil. How are you doing?’ And I was like, ‘Oh it’s kind of like we know each other now.’ And, you know, when we saw Fall Out Boy, after we met in New York, Patrick and Pete, you know, I kind of expected them to be like, ‘Who are you?’ But instead, Patrick was like, ‘Hey, man. How are you doing since New York?’ And, you know, if you start the relationship with someone with a selfie, I dunno, it’s- it’s not the way I wanna start things off, if you get me. Do you get me? Do you know what I’m saying?”

29:07 Guess the crime

31:59 Fall Out Boy are the “nicest guys ever”

32:33 Chat: ‘What did Pete smell like?’ – Dan: “Just cleanliness.”

33:04 “When do you go back to school? Give me a date. I sound like a predator, don’t I?”

38:40 The last book he read was the first Game of Thrones book, he read 200 pages on the flight to Vidcon

39:20 He’s drinking Lemsip out of a cup that has a picture of Mini Eggs on the outside of it – “Nice Mini Eggs product placement by me. Joking. I have to say that I’m joking.”

39:33 Chat: ‘Chris did a live show last night and he was confused’ – Dan: “That sounds magical. I’m sad I missed it.”

39:39 “What’s that- what’s that anime that just basically looks like a swimming school? It just looks like a bunch of naked boys in swimming trunks. Like I swear 50% of anime’s are just mostly naked males or females designed at being sexual.” It’s called ‘Free’ - “Is it good? Or do you just like it because there’s yaoitastic boys in tight pants? You bunch of pervs.”

40:51 He met Macklemore and he was nice

40:56 Chat: ‘How was dorm life?’ – Dan: “At university? In my first year of college, how was dorm life? It was scary at first, being thrown into a situation where I had to make friends with new people but I did, and it was really, really fun. And I think that the university experience is an essential part of growing up because you don’t really know who you are until you’re about 22, you know what I mean? It’s like all this time, all this people, we’re still growing up. We’re still finding out who we are and what we like, and we’re not even real people until we’re like 26 or something, and I feel like, you know, college and university, it’s an essential period to just spend 3 years discovering yourself and that- that’s what I experienced in my first year of university. It was- well not- I don’t wanna say I found myself in my first year of university, I think that just came through time, but it was really fun and I’m really glad I had the first year dorm experience which was crazy. Frickin’ just getting wasted like 3 nights a week and going out like all British students terrible, unhealthy lifestyle but I felt like I did it and that’s what matters.”

42:10 “So, yeah, you young people, don’t judge yourself until you’re 26 cause you’re not even a real person yet, okay? I’m not even a real person yet. You can change every two weeks until you work out who you are.”

42:25 “It’s mostly about your brain expanding until you finished puberty which is 20 whatever age. I think that’s basically what it is. And, judging by the fact that I still look like a 10 year old boy, I have a long way to go. That’s great.”

43:02 There’s still Krave on his floor, there was cereal every where

43:35 There are no mice in their apartment

44:29 He still gets ID’d for booze

45:21 Chat: ‘How perfect is Niall?’ – Dan: “Very perfect.”

46:05 He’s a recent convert to sushi. – “I was told by my mum always as I was growing up that your taste buds change as you get older and I was like, ‘Bull to the shit, mum. Shut up.” But she’s right, there’s lots of things that I used to hate that I now like.” Examples of this are Mushrooms, fish/sushi etc.

47:01 Someone asks his opinions on Jake Bugg. He doesn’t listen to his music a lot, but he once offered Dan a cigarette in a weird night club in Soho after the Sony Awards, he said no - “cause I’m a total role model, aren’t I?”

48:06 “‘Dan, you sound like a goose but I’d still bang you’ from Luke. Thanks, Luke.”

49:00 Chat: ‘Name dropping much?’ – Dan: “Sorry, it’s just people ask me things and I’m just talking about what they tell me to. I hate people that name drop. I’m just talking about my weekend.”

50:17 Chat: ‘Why don’t you like your hobbit hair?’ – Dan: “Cause it’s very hard to make it look good and I prefer looking Asian.”

52:22 Chat: ‘Maybe you’ll come to Russia’– Dan: “When your country stops having human rights issues. Hah. Sorry, I know that you, you know, the evil regime of Putin does not represent the views of all people in Russia. I know that. That’s fine.”

53:20 Chat: ‘Hot drama teacher?’ – Dan: “Yep. Had one.”

53:35 He prefers coffee over tea but he’s not really a coffee person

54:08 His favourite tea is Iron Goddess of Mercy

55:02 He hung out with Crabstickz the other day

55:12 He may post more Instagram videos. There’s too much pressure to be funny on Vine, it’s “creatively intimidating.” He might post more Instagram videos that he won’t tweet because he doesn’t want to, “announce them to the world as a piece of art that [he’s] created.”

56:13 He wants to buy the new iPhone when it’s released, his current one is really slow. He throws it everywhere.

57:51 “I’m not an opiniony kind of guy, am I?”

59:05 [He keeps sniffing] “This is so hot. Wow. Anyone that’s even remotely attracted to me is now just like, ‘Wow. Sorry, Dan.’ Oh dear. At least it’s not a man flu because it was probably given to me by a girl. There we go.”

1:01:06 Favourite movie is their Moulin Rouge or Kill Bill vol 2

1:01:10 Favourite Harry Potter book is The Half Blood Prince. Favourite Harry Potter movie is The Order of the Phoenix

1:01:17 His favourite colours are black or white or gold

1:01:21 Chat: ‘Favourite place to travel to?’ – Dan: “I don’t know. I went to New Zealand once. That was nice.”

1:01:40 He likes peanut butter but he doesn’t eat it because it’s incredibly fat

1:02:01 Chat: ‘Spoilers for day in the life?’ – Dan: “Uh, there is mounting at some point.”

1:03:14 “Speak to your grandparents they could die at any second.”

Dan liveshow: 8th October, 2013

0:11 He was engrossed in Great British Bake Off and has yet to do a live show tweet

1:19 Chat: ‘Dan, just a warning, you have a rat on you’ – Dan: “It is in fact a hat, and the hat is not a rat. It’s probably- it’s possibly multiple chinchillas or a mink. Not that it’s actually fur cause I should probably clarify that knowing the internet. It cost 8 pounds from H&M.”

2:16 How are people doing in one word – “Sarah F is feeling clitoris. Thank you. Wonderful image.”

3:15 He uploaded a cringe video which was cringey and there was a radio show yesterday

3:59 He watched the first episode of Homeland and he liked it.

4:59 He discusses the word ‘jumper’

7:04 He plays the new Justin Bieber song + discussion

9:02 He talks about Panic at the Disco’s new video - “It’s just Brendon Urie almost naked but then not. It’s like Wrecking Ball but without a wrecking ball. I felt like he could have had some kind of, uh, prop to play with cause it was just kind of Brendon Urie being naked in front of a black screen. I felt like if he had like a rock or maybe like a power tool of some kind, but it was cool.”

9:59 He tried to play GTA online but didn’t know how to

10:24 More music talk (Haim)

11:13 “Phil got- uh, my friend Phil got sensually stroked on the spine by one of the members of Haim. Very jealous. Very jealous.”

11:37 “‘I think you can stop saying ‘My friend Phil’ said Liz R. Well, Liz, you say that but, uh, without sounding mean, there are- there’s probably quite a few people that might not know who he is and by simply saying that I’m introducing more people to Phil. So I’m just making sure nobody’s confused as one thing that I had to learn from the radio that I got told a lot, and I think it applies to the internet as well, is you can’t ever assume that everybody knows what you’re talking about. Cause the fact is that usually no one actually knows what you’re talking about ever. So, even if a video gets a million views and, uh, it has 10 comments and everyone’s like, ‘I get it.’ You should presume that the people watching don’t know who you are or care, or have any idea what you’re on about so then nobody’s left out. Cause the worst thing is watching a youtube video and you’re like, ‘I’m not in on the jokes.’”

12:52 Chat: ‘Why don’t you do one of those videos where you meet your fans on Omegle?’ – Dan: “I’ve made like four videos where I’ve been on Omegle on the internet, but I would never tell my ‘fans’ to go on Omegle, cause I don’t want to expose loads of young people to fat old man penis on the internet. I mean, you know, there is a chance that you’ll just stumble across some kind of horrific website if you’re following me for like a certain amount of time, it’ll probably just happen, but I don’t want to actively encourage people to go on Omegle to see the penis.”

14:08 He was on CBBC the other day promoting the Radio 1 Teen Awards

14:33 Chat: ‘Views on feminism?’ Dan: “What- what does that mean? Views on feminism. Uh, I’m not personally sexist, if that’s- [laughs].”

14:48 Phil is not on fire 5 is an October video

15:08 He asks people what they want to discuss

15:16 Chat: ‘Sex’ – Dan: “No.”

15:35 Chat: ‘How do you get over a break up?’ – Dan: “Time. Just time. And ice cream.”

15:49 Chat: ‘Any comments on the US government shut down?’ – Dan: “I don’t really know what’s happening but it seems to have been going on a while. So that’s really inconvenient. Can they not?”

16:09 His next video will be out on Friday. He makes the formal leg waxing threat

16:59 Chat: ‘Thoughts on bestiality?’ – Dan: “Um. Well, can an animal consent? I guess that’s the question here. I think that dogs have souls. Uh, but do the dogs enjoy having sex? I mean, you know, if you- if you rape an animal that’s bad, but who’s to say that consensual sex with an animal isn’t okay? I dunno. That’s just a possible opinion. It’s a strange, strange world out there, aren’t they? And I’m shocked that some of that is just on Reddit in places that aren’t that hard to find. Someone linked me to something horrifying the other day. Anyway…”

19:37 He looks up whether Jimmy Savile has done any charity singles - “Although, that’s now gonna be in my search history which is- to be fair, that won’t be the worst thing in my search history.”

19:58 Chat: ‘What do you feel about furries as people?’ – Dan: “I think you can- you know, uh, a lot of people have, uh, they find a lot of things weird. As someone who’s been on the internet for a very, very, very long time from a young age, I’m literally totally immune to everything. I don’t think there’s anything that could shock me. I mean, the other de- the other week I saw a website which was an Asian lady lying on the floor as a bunch of guys, uh, squirted milk on her out of their bums. Uh, which some of you might remember seeing that. It’s a horrible website. I- I- wasn’t bothered by it, and when I saw it and it made me laugh, I was thinking I should probably be really shocked and disturbed by the idea of a bunch of Asian guys shooting milk out of their butt on a- on a lady lying on the floor, and it just didn’t- didn’t faze me at all, and, you know- So when you ask me, ‘What do I think about furries as people?’ And I say I don’t discriminate, is it that I’m a future person that doesn’t discriminate against any person in any way whatsoever? Or have I merely been so desensitised by the internet that I don’t find things disturbing that I should find disturbing? That’s the question. I guess. I like how it’s referred to as the ‘furry fandom’ though when I think it’s kind of like ‘No, it’s what yo- it’s a fetish.’ Anyway…”

21:53 His grandma got him a dream diary that he kept between ages 8-14. “Which is like a girl’s diary book, but I just decided to keep a dream journal.” It doesn’t make any sense. It’s been well maintained.

22:46 Lucid dreaming talk - “I realised when I was quite young, uh, how to wake myself up from a nightmare. Which would be that I get really freaked out by a dream, but when I came within like, uh, imminent death distance from whatever what was trying to murder me in my dream, I suddenly become aware that it was a dream. Cause I think that when you’re in dreams you’re kind of always aware that you’re dreaming slightly, but then there’s moments where you’re like, ‘This is a dream.’ And, like, if I closed my eyes, like, in a dream and then opened them I’d wake up. So, some time around like 9 or 10 I realised that if I, like, if I just closed my eyes in a dream then I would wake up. Um. And I think after that moment, there became moments of self awareness in dreams where I’d suddenly go, ‘Wait a minute. I’m in a dream.’ And then for very, very short amounts of times I could dream lucidly. If you guys don’t know what lucid dreaming is it’s basically when you can control your dreams like, ‘I can fly. Superman!’ Or, ‘[click] all your clothes just fell off, we’re gonna do it right now.’ That’s- that’s what lucid dreaming is. Uh, but for me it was like a countdown, that as soon as I became aware that I was dreaming I had like 30 seconds left before I’d wake up naturally so I was like, ‘I have- I have to like do crazy stuff before this happens. So I’m gonna just like punch this person in the face and then like drive a car into a building because I only have 10 seconds left.’ So. Yup. That’s cool.”

24:29 He had sleep paralysis once and it freaked him out – “I woke up and I was like, ‘I can’t move [ahh].’ And then my right arm started spazzming, and I think it’s because I was like- I was sleeping on my arm like [argh] and then my arm was like spazzing out when I woke up. And I was literally like, ‘Muuuum, I’m being possessed by something. I’m literally being freaking possessed by something.’ And my arm was just like [waves his arm about] and I was like, ‘Oh god. Freaking out right now.’ And my mum was like, ‘Okay, well, uh, your arm is spazzing. That doesn’t mean that you’re possessed by Satan.’ And I was like, ‘Okay [waves his arm about] that’s cool. I’ll just kind of ride this out then until it stops.’ So. Yup. that was- that was fun.”

21:15 He’s never slept walked

25:27 He dreamt he went to the beach with David Boreanaz it was weird but pleasant

26:35 He ordered a piano stool

26:42 He thinks his apartment tour video is “so underrated”

27:14 He has a desk in his room now

27:27 He got to either piano grade 2 or 3 before he dropped out cause his teacher was horrible

28:34 Chat: [Talking about Dan’s galaxy jumper] ‘That’s Phil’s sweater’– Dan: “No. Pretty sure it’s my sweater. I love I- no, I don’t love, it made me incredibly depressed. In my last video [laughs] all, like, these people were like, ‘Are you wearing Phil’s t-shirt?!1!’ And I was like, ‘Um, well yeah. I- I’m playing three children playing pokemon cards at a pokemon party and three pokemon t-shirts are owned by Phil.’ So, yeah, I- I- wore pokemon t-shirts that were owned by Phil in my video because I was playing children at a pokemon party. [laughs] And, like, obviously most people got that and were just like, ‘Oh feels!1’ at it, but there were- there were a few people that genuinely didn’t- were questioning why I was wearing three of Phil’s t-shirts. So, in case you were one of those people that were genuinely actually wondering why, that’s why. Cause a pokemon party.”

29:59 They can hear their neighbour below them having sex in the morning so he assumes they can hear him filming videos – “They probably literally think that we’re insane people that have cannibal parties, and staple people to the walls after we’ve eaten them. Which is something that I do, but not publically.”

30:27 Chat: ‘How do you feel about doing the radio show on your own on Sunday?’ – Dan: “Yeah, that’s gonna be funny. If you didn’t know, Phil the amazing is going on holiday to Florida… tomorrow? I don’t know when. So I’m gonna have to do the radio show by myself on Sunday. Which is, uh, funny. That’s gonna be a lol/a void. I’m gonna be stood in the middle of a really huge room like, ‘Heey, guys. So, it’s just me. So then.’ Uh, yeah. It’s gonna be quite funny.”

31:00 Chat: ‘Do it with Chris’ – Dan: “Apparently, Chris is busy so I just have to do it by myself. I’ve asked if I can do it with a friend, but then my boss at Radio 1 was like, ‘No. I think you’re just gonna do this one by yourself.’ And I was like, ‘Okay. Right. That should be fun.’ It’ll be super awkward.”

31:48 He’s learning Ingenue by Atoms for Peace on piano. His piano is broken.

32:36 He would buy a drum kit but he has no room for it. He loves his moon chair too much

33:54 He was trying to sleep at 2:40am and there was a large wasp. He was in his underwear and vulnerable, it flew at him and he ran out of his room and then tweeted about it. “Like Perez Hilton and Sinead O’Connor, I tweet about my problems instead of dealing with hem myself.”

35:40 He got a can of wasp spray. He doesn’t value wasp’s lives. “It’s like being Jesus. You’re- you’re trying to save something that has no interest in being nice to you because it wants to hurt you.” Long story short: he stood on the wasp to kill it. “It ruined my life so I was just thinking, ‘Why, Jesus? I’ve been quite good recently. Why? Why Jesus? Why did you put a wasp in my room?’”

38:38 Chat: ‘Do you still live with Phil?’ – Dan: “Yes. Go watch my youtube videos. And Phil’s, if you’re questioning why that is a thing.”

39:31 “Uh, I just reminded myself that I need to, uh, totally, legally obtain the next episode of Homeland. So I’m just going to quickly totally, legally acquire the next episode of Homeland in a way that hopefully won’t slow the connection to this live show. Uh, that’s okay. Here’s me putting my card details in now, and there we go. Showtime have the money. Cool.”

40:16 Chat: ‘Tanya said that she screenshotted the moment you followed her on twitter’ – Dan: “Did she? That’s really cute because I like Tanya and she’s super nice.”

41:24 Chat: ‘Put a bikini on’ – Dan: “I don’t actually own one. I own a lot of things that I own in the context of my, uh, what’s they called? We have like a props box which has like random shite that we put in mus- in our youtube videos.”

41:46 “Is Ouran High School Club really girly or would I like it? That’s a question that I’m wondering right now. Would I enjoy it? Or is it something that you kind of have to be a girl to like? Not that I can’t like things that girls like or that people can’t or whatever but I’m just wondering.”

42:04 He shows his collarbones and sticks something in the gap - “That was hot. That was attractive.”

42:49 “Sometimes, especially kind of posh crisps, salt and vinegar can taste very, very intense and kinda acidic and like [blergh] in your mouth. Um. So. [Laughs] That’s gonna be taken out of context.”

44:16 He talks about gross words and nice words He thinks panini “Sounds, like, sexual in a crude way”

47:53 He mentions an app called Your Turn. It’s a photo editing app - “Me and thing- me and Phil are thinking of, uh, finding cool ways to use the app in our radio show.”

48:34 Chat: ‘Apart from yourself and Phil who’s your favourite Radio 1 host?’ – Dan: “Uhhh. I used to listen to Greg James’ show a lot like 4 years ago. I think that Scott Mills is really good. I’m friends with Grimmy so he’s super cool. Pretty much everyone is really nice and really funny. Everyone’s really nice and funny.”

48:57 Chat: ‘Do you have Kik?’ – Dan: “Nope, and if you’ve added someone that says they’re me on Kik, it’s a paedophile.”

49:24 Chat: ‘How did you get on Radio 1?’ – Dan: “They emailed me saying, ‘You’re cool, do a show for Christmas.’ And then we did, and then they liked it so they were like, ‘Do you want a show every Sunday?’ And I was like ‘Yeah.’”

49:39 He’s in the browsing position – “I have no functioning spine. Who else has no functioning spine because of their laptop posture? It’s funny cause my- my mum is like someone that advises people with terrible posture, and she’s like, ‘Dan, you’re gonna be disabled when you’re 25.’ And I’m like, ‘Yeah. I am. Woo.’ [Laughs]”

50:50 He doesn’t have an evil resting face

51:06 If he isn’t constantly smiling people think he’s depressed

52:01 The illuminati “is probably real. It’s probably not real, but it’s believable in this day with the NSA, isn’t it?”

52:08 Rihanna talk

53:35 “Molly from The Saturdays is really cool and nice, and obviously beautiful.”

55:41 Chat: ‘Do a world tour’ – Dan: “I’d really, really like to one day do a world tour. To meet lots of you or just to say hi to lots of you. As if I would meet all of you even. That would take a long time.”

56:10 He doesn’t like marshmallows

56:25 His favourite snack is a bag of cashew nuts that he regrets eating once he’s finished them

58:08 Chat: ‘Do vlogs, please’ – Dan: “I would do vlogs, Vicky, but realistically me vlogging is just me planking face down on the carpet, and contemplating the universe for 6 hours a day. And then making a video at some point. That’s- that’s- that would be my vlog. ‘Hey, guys. So, I’m having an existential crisis right now. I’m just- I’m thinking about my long term future and just, like, the inevitability of death, and how irrelevant all our problems are in relevance to the fact that we live in an infinite universe where nothing matters and everyone’s the centre of their own existence existentially. Uh. Bye, guys. Subscribe to my channel for more vlogs from Dan.’ [Laughs] That’s how it would go. Everyday. ‘Also, I’ve got a bag of cashew nuts. I’m gonna eat them all now because I remembered something that made me sad. So now I’m gonna eat this entire packet of cashew nuts and then play Grand Theft Auto. Bye, guys. That was fun.’ [Laughs]”

59:11 “But in all seriousness that’s all I do with my life. Just constant existential crisis’. Especially the other week. I’d say it’s roughly every two and a half weeks. Maybe. Yeah. I think so.”

59:25 Chat: ‘Can we be best friends?’ – Dan: “We’re- we’re all internet friends, guys. All of us. You’re not fans. Unless you want to be a fan because it’s fun to be a fan.”

59:45 Chat: ‘Dan, you are a true philosopher’ Dan: [Laughs] “Maybe.”

1:00:11 Chat: ‘I ship Michael and Trevor. Is this wrong?’ – Dan: “Probably. Mmm. You a- If you- if you find them attractive you can ship who you want. You can. Always.”

1:00:27 Chat: ‘Write an autobiography – Dan: “I’m like in my twenties. I’m not gonna write an autobiography now. It’d be very short. ‘I was a child, and then when I was 20 I stopped being a child, and then was kind of almost grown up for a year, and now I’m almost whoever I’m gonna grow up to actually end up being. The end.’”

1:01:07 Chat: ‘How does Phil react to your weekly breakdowns?’ – Dan: “He just kind of walks over me if I’m lying on the floor.”

1:01:14 “‘Evan Peters.’ He’s coming back into my life. I’m not sexually ready.”

Last edited by lefthandedism on Fri Aug 03, 2018 11:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason:put video under spoiler for ease of page loading

This is a really impressive thread and you seem like you've got things under control so I'm just dropping in to say that I've created an ordered google doc that's a list of all of Dan and Phil's liveshows ever, along with links to both the phan-liveshows google drive and YouTube videos. It won't have anything you don't already know, but I just wanted everything to be in one place.

3:20 He asks what colour he should dye his hair – Dan: “A darker shade of black? So it’s like I look like Jacob from Twilight. Well- darker shade of black- I mean a darker shade of brown. Not black cause when you dye your hair black it’s like blue. It’s like reflective. Like Philip dyes his hair blue, looks like a lego hair cut.” People suggest bright colours.

4:50 Chat: ‘Dan is the new Jeffree Star’ – Dan: “I could be. People already think I wear eyeliner. Might as well be the new Jeffree Star.”

4:57 Chat: ‘Do you like being pale or tan more?’ – Dan: “Um. I- I think- this is as pale as I get cause I think that I’ve been tanned so many times in my life that I’m just naturally, like, a darker colour than most British people up close, you can’t really tell. But, um, I like being kind of golden and healthy looking. Not Mexican like this time last year. I don’t know if you ever saw this- I don’t think I even wanna tell you, if you google- if you youtube search ‘I am Mexican’- okay, I colour corrected that video to make it look worse than it actually was but I was in Sicily for a week and I came back a bit black looking. I- I- I- yeah. Like literally- okay, right. I have black friends and I looked blacker than English black people. [laughs] Cause even though- it was such an intense colour. It was- it was very weird. It was very weird."

5:51 “If you look at my HOT BOYS on Teen Cribz video I looked Jersey Shore, basically. In real life, I looked full on Snooki. Like- like full on Snooki. That’s what I looked like.”

6:03 Chat: ‘Are you wearing eyeliner?’ – Dan: “No, that was a joke. I’m not wearing eyeliner. I don’t wear eyeliner, just some people think I do cause I have…" [eats some more snacks]

6:24 He’s been to his personal trainer once which was last week when he met them. He says he’ll go again after their radio show craziness dies down

6:49 He asks what the Shorty Awards are. People have been voting for him as a youtuber and some made up categories such as ‘Mexican’ – Dan: “If you’re voting for a youtuber I’d prefer if you voted for my friend Phil, cause I- I don’t really care about winning this thing. I appreciate you and I love anybody that’s been voting for me for this Shorty Awards thing, but, um, vote for my friend Phil instead so he can win that. And you can vote for me for something like the ‘Mexican’ category so then I can still win an award but it’ll be... ironic. [laughs] Which is my entire life.”

7:34 Chat: ‘You need a hair cut’ – Dan: “I don’t need a hair cut. I fricking had one three years ago, Bethany. God, Bethany.” He has ears.

8:29 “Oooh. Nice that [younower] got to top younower of the day by just spamming you guys before I arrived. That’s g- [laughs] Wonder how many of his live shows you’re gonna watch.”

8:39 Chat: ‘He’s a full time homo’ – Dan: “Yeah I am. Um, that’s a joke. I- I’m not a homo. I’m j- I am a full time internet homo though. That’s a- a private joke that you shouldn’t even bother to try to get.”

8:53 He had a hair cut today and then spent 5 hours at Radio 1 practising for their Sunday show. He says they still don’t really have a plan for it. – “If you don’t know, me and mi amigo, uh, Philip, who is my friend who is also a youtuber, have a got a radio show on Radio 1…”

9:35 “So yeah, in short, if you wanna vote for me for that Shorty Award thing that’s happening vote for me in some kind of ironic category where it means that I’ve ruined the category for the other people participating without taking it away from someone else who could do with an award. So that’s- basically.”

9:49 Carrie showed him Tom Fletcher’s wedding speech

10:07 Chat: ‘You’re turning square haired again’ – Dan: “No, I’m not. I got rained on. I can have- I could have a- I could go full quiff with this hair if I feel like it. Not that I, um, will do that cause then the Panic at the Disco fans among the audience will be like, ‘[UghH] I want square haired Dan back.’ Not that my hair is ever going to be really long again cause it looked awful.”

10:27 He hates saying ‘my friend and I’ because he thinks it sounds stupid

10:42 He shows some post-it notes that they’ve been planning their radio show on

11:07 He shows a new shirt he bought. It’s not black. - “Everything I wear is black so you- you should be happy whenever I buy something that isn’t black, cause the less I look like a funeral that has slid into a tar pit the more exiting I am.”

11:39 Chat: ‘Do you have a job? If not, how do you afford everything?’ – Dan: “Well youtube is my job, but my excuse for how I can afford clothes is that I don’t have a car. Literally, cars are so fricking expensive. Especially to buy a car, fill a car with petrol all the time, make sure it doesn’t break, car tax, MOT, and to insure a young guy driving a car. I save so much money by just taking public transport that I can afford to buy, uh, hideous/amazing t-shirt whenever I feel like it. I say whenever I feel like it I mean like fricking once a year but still.”

12:15 He shows his t-shirt up close. It has studs on it. It’s a “bit more Bertie. Bit more Bertie Bert G.”

12:28 He says you should learn to drive a car but they are expensive

12:39 “I can take selfies in this and be like, ‘Am I soft grunge enough for you yet? Ugh. Waves.’”

12:49 “Charlotte W. is officially the first person to engage the improper usage of the word hipster in the chat. The other day I was considering posting like a 10 minute video ranting about how the world has forgotten what the word ‘hipster’ means to tumblr, and then I was like, ‘Dan, don’t do that. Don’t do that.’ Because, in case you didn’t know, the definition of hipster is a bad thing. It’s meant to be a bit of an insult. ‘The hipsters.’ It’s kinda like posers. It means people that do things just cause they think it makes them cool as opposed to something that they actually find cool. So I feel- I just feel sorry for some youtubers, like I have a friend called PJ who, I guess most of the people here watching will know, and he makes quite cool, arty videos but then people call him a hipster for making arty videos and that’s not what a hipster is. A hipster is somebody that does something just to look cool as opposed to somebody who does something cause they actually like it, you know what I mean? So it’s like people think that Joseph Gordon Levitt is a hipster cause he’s like, ‘I’m into film.’ And it’s not. That- He- that’s just what he’s interested in, you know what I mean? So it’s like me buying- this is not a hipstery t-shirt- I guess the word hipster has become, you know, to give connotations of kind of like, ‘I have a blog where I, you know, I reblog pictures of waves and fashion and stuff like that.’ But then I guess there are some people that just gen- you know, they genuinely like that stuff. So they shouldn’t be labelled, you know, I feel like either hipster has become synonym for the- you know, that kind of thing on tumblr, or, you know, if it’s ever gonna go back to its insult of, ‘you’re a poser.’ Either way we’re in some kind of transitional phase.”

15:17 He shows an ‘ox-blood’ coloured leather jacket he has– “My favourite colours if you don’t know- speed dating. If- if you ever need to do a quiz on Dan then you should know these. Gold, black, and white are my favourite colours, but also ox-blood…”

16:10 He watched One Direction’s new video with people at Radio 1 and he was underwhelmed - “I’m not offending One Direction. Don’t kill me. Jesus. […] No negativity being expressed here. Please don’t hurt me.”

16:43 He’s terrified for his radio show to start on Sunday. He talks about their show. They’ll make a post later tonight about how people can get involved.

[I believe we only have the first 18.06 minutes of this show and the rest of it is lost to the void. rip]

Dan liveshow: January 15th, 2013

0:02 He puts his earrings in

0:30 Chat: ‘Yo, Daniel. How are you?’ – Dan: “I’m good. Emotionally. Slightly, uh, frigid. Does that mean cold? I- I know what it means before you all make puns but does it actually… [Goes on Wikipedia] Yup there we go. I’m frigid ha ha ha. My joke is a joke that makes sense.”

1:07 Chat: ‘I had a dream about you last night but I don’t want this to sound creepy’ – Dan: “I’m very sorry but that does sound creepy. I’m not gonna lie to you.”

1:17 He plays some music in the background as he writes the tweet because it feels weird talking without music as in his radio shows

2:04 He found a cashew nut in his bed from two weeks ago

2:29 He probably has to work at Reading festival this year

2:36 Chat: ‘Have you got a cold?’ – Dan: “No, but thank you for either saying that I look like I have a cold or sound like I have a cold.”

2:43 Someone says they like his jumper – “Someone was like, ‘You shouldn’t wear jumpers in videos, Dan. They make you look fat’ on twitter and I was like, ‘Thanks. That’s- g [laughs] Thank you so much.’”

3:22 He’s seen his personal trainer once. He’s been busy with their radio show

3:38 He starts to talk about their radio show. He asks what people thought of it

4:10 Someone mentions not being able to watch it - “Yeah. Sorry people that aren’t in England. Turns out the BBC is racist. Um. It’s just an unfortunate fact I guess.”

4:23 Chat: ‘Have you seen Les Misérables?’ – Dan: “No. I wanted to go see it with my grandma but then she went without me. Talk about rejected. Dan’s so cool he gets rejected by his grandma. Literally.”

4:34 “Why do I still have more fans than Jack Harries? Ha ha. That’s funny.”

5:20 Their radio show was terrifying and crazy, especially because it was filmed. They had to play DVDs for videos, and do the music, and the callers etc.

6:36 They were meant to have people call in but the phone lines broke.

7:10 Chat: ‘Are you uploading a video tonight?’ – Dan: “Not tonight. Uh, my friend made a very good point, um, I was speaking to someone on Skype and they said- what did they say? Cause I uploaded that little temporary video over the weekend, uh, which I was supposed to- literally I uploaded it on Saturday night and I was gonna delete it on Sunday but then people were like, ‘Don’t delete it yet, Dan.’ So I was like, ‘Okay. Okay. I won’t delete it for like 3 more days.’ But then my friend made the very good point that if I’m announcing a schedule change so I’m uploading on the weekend and then I upload a video on Tuesday I’m just gonna confuse people, and I think that that’s a very good point. So as to not confuse everybody, because the internet is very easily confused, I will upload my video about Dan at school on Friday. Hopefully. And then I’ll probably delete the temporary video. I know that you guys probably don’t want me to delete my temporary update video but it’s- it’s really shit. It’s not the kind of thing that I like having on my youtube channel. So, if you haven’t seen it you have 3 and a half days- 2 and a half days- to go look at the temporary update video that’s on my channel before it gets privated. And then the adventures of Dan at school will be uploaded.”

11:03 Chat: ‘My mum is snoring next to me’ – Dan: “Hey, [winks] give her a poke from me [winks] Probably don’t do that. She won’t appreciate being poked. Especially if it’s at the request of some twat on the internet.”

14:25 Chat: ‘Have you heard back from Manesh?’ – Dan: “Oh Jesus Christ. [laughs] Okay. Okay, guys. Right. If you haven’t seen a video on my channel called ‘Sexy Internet Dating London’, I pretend to be a guinea pig on a dating app and I accidentally- spoiler, spoiler in case you haven’t seen it- accidentally send my address to a guy called Manesh who seems very terrifying. When I was on my radio show last night a few people, um, we were having like, uh, people request songs on facebook, and twitter, and stuff, and someone requested Toxic which is obviously a song that I brought into the light through these shows by giving the, uh, sexual Toxic singing lessons [does the intro] all that, you remember that. And then someone said, ‘I want to play Toxic and I’m dedicating it to Manesh.’ And I was like, ‘Okay.’ Like some random person in England just wanted to hear Toxic and dedicated it to their boyfriend called Manesh. Didn’t occur to me until about 2 minutes through the song that is was obvi- like, Dan. Dan, come on. It was obviously one of you guys dedicating Toxic to my stalker. It was that moment when everyone was like, ‘Dan- D- how- why didn’t you realise how obvious this was?’ Cause Phil got it and he was laughing so much and I was just like, ‘Oh, Manesh. Oh my god. Did someone just request Toxic and dedic-’ It was- it was the funniest thing ever. It was literally the funniest thing. And then my producers were like, ‘Who’s Manesh?’ and I was like, ‘You do- you don’t wanna know who Manesh is.’ I ended up explaining who Manesh was to everyone at Radio 1 which was just great. That was just great. Oh dear.”

16:10 He saw the girl who requested it on tumblr

16:17 Right now they’re only involving twitter and facebook because the BBC people don’t understand tumblr – “I’ll try to make it so that they never do. Cause they don’t to- they don’t need to become aware of all that crazy stuff.”

16:35 Their producers don’t think they’re weird. One of their producers worked with them on their Christmas show and the other one is “a bit crazy in a good way” but she doesn’t understand the internet

16:58 They want it to be world wide but it’s only for the UK right now

17:22 He tells people how to get involved

18:17 He goes on Reddit every morning. He asks people in the chat if they go on Reddit. Most people say no – “Yeah, it’s not- I can’t imagine it’s a thing that that many teens go on.”

19:42 He goes into the main BBC building twice a week – “I’m like, ‘Wow. Okay. BBC. Scary, Dan. ‘Don’t make any jokes about the queen. Don’t make any jokes about the queen.’ Cause, come on, seriously. You guys know that, um, I;m not exactly… the, um, I swear sometimes. [laughs] Basically. I tried not to swear and it worked. So, yeah. There we go. I just have to not swear. Some more.”

21:58 “This is just turning into, ‘Do you like my band?!’ Which is the one thing I wanna avoid in the world. Oh dear. Thanks, everyone. You can stop suggesting music now. It’s just turning into, ‘Do you like this band that I like?! Please, Dan, say that you like them.’ Yes, I probably do. I like everyone there we- I like everyone. Apart from Kony, and Hitler, and the guy from Lost Prophets. Anyway…”

22:32 He asks about other youtubers that make music videos that they could play in their radio should – “I could get Phil to play his Lonely Day video. That’d be frickin funny.” He types something on his computer.

23:13 Chat: ‘Jenna Marbles’ – Dan: “Landshark. Yeah, well I don’t think Jenna Marbles knows who I am. And I don’t think- I think Jenna Marbles is slightly above Radio 1. [laughs] I don’t-, ‘Who’s this peasant that’s emailing me? Danisnotonfire? Who are you? I have like 5 billion views.’ Please, Jenna Marbles. I just wanna play Landshark on the radio. Be my friend.”

23:46 [He puts his bear jumper over his face and speaks as if he were a bear] – “Dan. 21 with the emotional maturity of an 8 year old. Working for the BBC. Yeah. How- how do I exist?”

26:06 Chat: ‘Why were you upset about getting 600,00 views on your update video?’ – Dan: “Okay. Couple reasons. If you didn’t see I posted a little like, ‘Hi. Doing the radio show. Gonna upload videos vaguely on the weekend now.’ At the weekend. It got loads of views in one day and the reason- I’m not ungrateful cause I think it’s awesome, but it’s just the fact that usually I spend, like, 4 days making a video. I spend like an entire day planning it, an entire day filming it, and then like 1, sometimes even 2, days editing a video cause they- it takes ages, and then I have to be like, ‘Hi everyone I’ve made a video,’ on facebook, and twitter, and tumblr, and youtube, and then it’ll- it’ll slowly get a good amount of views and I’m like, ‘Ay that was good.’ But the fact that one that I just uploaded and didn’t even tell anyone about got loads over night. I’m like, ‘for fuck sake, youtube. Why do you never-’ Cause it’s so annoying cause I dunno, have any of you guys been watching people on youtube for a while? If anybody’s here that used to watch youtubers in like 2008/2009 they’ll remember that there was that period when the home page looked different. When people like Shane Dawson and Charlie, whenever they uploaded a video they always got on the home page just cause it’s like, you know, that’s the way the website should work. If something’s popular then they should show it. So there was a period where literally every time you went on the home page it was like Whatthebuck, Ryan Higa, Smosh, Charlie, Alex Day, this person, this person, and then the youtube home page changed, so then nothing’s even on it anymore. So, for people like me who are just starting to get popular now it’s like, you know, for fucks sake, youtube. You helped all these other people do their thing and for us it’s like absolute- absolutely no help from youtube whatsoever. And I think the only thing that it does is, like, it can put you on the homepage in some tiny box that no one even watches, but sometimes youtube works and half the time youtube just doesn’t work at all whatsoever. So, it will ignore 8 of my videos in a row and they’ll take like 2 months to get as many views as I have subscribers and then I uploaded some shitty update video that I didn’t even tell anyone about and it gets loads over night and I’m just like, ‘Youtube, whyy?’ It hates me. It hates me. It’s just- it’s a terrible website.”

28:19 Chat: ‘Are you wearing pants?’ – Dan: “No, I’m naked from the waist down [turns the camera down to his clothed body] what do you think? ‘Hey, guys. Look at my actual butt on the internet.’ Of course I’m wearing pants, you goons.”

28:32 He’ll do some more VYou

28:50 Chat: ‘Do you have steam?’ – Dan: “I wouldn’t tell ya.”

29:01 Chat: ‘In February you’ll get a million subscribers’ – Dan: “Yeah, I’m still not ready for that emotionally. I dunno, like, if I make a video that I spend ages thinking about and making, like, the, uh, you know the list of reasons why I’m an awful human being? I was really happy with that video when it went up so- I mean that did really well. That was one of those like, ‘Oh the youtube website worked.’ And that was, um, one of my- I think it was like my third video that got a million views and I was like, ‘Holy crap.’ But I was- I wasn’t scared by it, I was just happy. I was like, ‘Yay. I liked that video and it got lots of views. That’s just happy. Thank you every body who liked it.’ And stuff like that cause, um, you know, if I’m really happy with a video then it’s not a bad thing at all. But, um, I dunno, I just- cause the thing is I got to where I am on youtube by making the same kind of videos, you know what I mean? So I’m thinking, ‘Oh god. I have 900,000 subscribers. What the frick? That is the biggest number ever. How ridiculous.’ And then I’m like, ‘I’m too scared to upload a video.’ Not that I should be like Charlie and be like, ‘I have so many subscribers I’m afraid to make videos.’ Cause I’m not like that. I’m not. It just that, um, it just makes me a bit more like, ‘Mmm. That’s terrifying. There’s so many people.’ But whatever. Whatever. I’ll get over it. Cause, you know, part of me’s like, ‘God. Should I- should I be trying harder to make videos like Smosh or videos like, you know, crazy things in like Tomska?’ And then I’m like, ‘Well, no, Dan. Cause all the people that subscribed to you so far subscribed cause they like the videos that you’ve been making. So you don’t need to be Freddie Wong, Dan. People just like Dan.’ Hey. And that’s why I am not gonna be scared like Charlie. There we go. [laughs] Basically.”

30:48 Chat: ‘Don’t change’ – Dan: “I’m not gonna change. God. No. I’m gonna improve. Um, if I feel like I wanna make something really good that takes like a month to make, that doesn’t mean I won’t make videos for a month, but there’s nothing wrong with trying harder and trying to be better. I’m just saying that, uh, I’m not gonna get freaked out like some youtubers do.”

31:19 Chat: ‘Have you seen how close it is between you and Jacksgap to get to a million?’ – Dan: “I don’t- [laughs] J- you know, Jack and Finn are two people, I’m just one person so really they only have 400,000 each, you know what I mean? That’s- that’s how I justify it.”

31:35 “I think that, uh, Jack will probably get to a million before me, but like I said I do- I don’t really care cause I’m very different to Jack, you know what I mean? His- his audience is a bit younger than mine.”

31:49 Chat: ‘Do you have enough time and idea to do radio show as well as youtube?’ – Dan: “Yes, cause, um, I already have all my youtube ideas written in a notepad file for like the next 8 months, basically. Like, my videos are either, ‘Ohmygod got an idea for a video.’ And write it down and it’s the sort of thing that I can make whenever, or if it’s one like How to Ruin a Meme or public transport one, that’ll be like the day before I go to film a video I’ll fall up an escalator or I’ll see something annoying on facebook and then that’ll inspire me. So, don’t worry I’m not gonna- I’m not gonna run out of ideas for videos any time soon. Maybe in like a year and a half. If I don’t come up with anything new between now and then. Don’t worry. Don’t worry about me. I’m fine. There’ll be a video this weekend, and then the next weekend, and then the next weekend, and then the one after that, and then more and more weekends until I eventually go insane and stop making videos. Which, don’t worry, that- I’m only joking. That’s not gonna happen any time soon. At least two weeks before I go insane. Don’t worry. It’s fine.”

32:56 Chat: ‘What’s your ideal girl?’ – Dan: “I dunno. That’s- that’s the sort of stupid question where if I was to go, ‘My perfect girl is…’ everyone that doesn’t look like that will just be offended and hate themselves forever. And that’s why that’s a stupid question.”

33:18 Chat: ‘Who are you friends with in the youtube community?’ – Dan: “Most youtubers are nice. Typically speaking.”

33:28 New Pokemon talk – he thinks they look unoriginal

34:01 Chat: ‘Do you live off youtube?’ – Dan: “Yes. And other stuff that I do. Not just youtube. I’m not Smosh.”

34:11 He’s going to Vidcon – “Should I do something on stage at Vidcon? I feel like I should. I should, uh, I should challenge myself. Go out of my comfort zone and do something-”

34:33 Chat: ‘What else do you do, Dan?’ – Dan: “Uh, the radio. As an example.”

35:15 Jedward talk – He likes their existence, he does not like their music. They annoy people and he likes that.

36:35 He’s excited to see his American youtube friends at Vidcon. Particularly the ones that won’t go to Playlist Live (Smosh, Hank and John Green, Michel Aranda)

37:28 Radiohead vs Muse. Radiohead are better at making music objectively and their music is art. He likes Muse more because of when he got into them in his life, they’re fun, and they’re better live.

38:32 Chat: ‘Would you rather kiss a twelve year old or a ninety year old man?’ – Dan: “One of them is illegal. So I’m- I’m probably gonna have to go with the 90 year old.”

39:05 He’ll do more danecdotes ‘as and when’ he remembers them. ‘How I got Fired’ was one of his best anecdotes. He has more stories from his part time jobs and the stories are even worse, but they’re a case of having to make sure he won’t get in legal trouble for telling them

40:18 He does own the danisnotonfire reddit account but he doesn’t use it. He has another reddit account that he uses for lurking

40:30 He has “the rights” to write blogs on The Huffington Post that are like behind the scenes of his videos. He didn’t want to write it about his new year video. He’ll do one about his school video

40:54 Chat: ‘Lurking?’ – Dan: “Yeah, I’m a lurker on the internet. I’m someone that doesn’t- I dunno. Like, cause when- before I was a- before I made youtube videos I did use to comment on youtubers. Like if you- [laughs] I’m sure if you go back to Shane Dawson and communitychannel videos in, like, 2007 from like 5 years ago you might see a comment from danisnotonfire going, ‘I like your hair, Shane. Be my friend.’ Or something like that, but, um, I’m the sort of person that just lurks. I don’t post, I just watch and enjoy. So I lurk on reddit, I don’t say anything. It’s like when I was a teenager I used to go on 4Chan a lot but I never posted. God, that’s far too terrifying. Just used to lurk. Just used to lurk.”

46:31 Chat: ‘What are you getting Phil for his birthday?’ – Dan: “Oh yes. Oh, the guy that I live with is his birthday in 2 weeks. I should probably buy something… that I also want. It’s a good opportunity for a selfish present. The new Mario game. Here you go [taps his fingers together].”

46:48 It’s too late to play Slender - “I don’t have time for a gaming channel.”

47:02 Chat: ‘You always seem to go for age twelve’ – Dan: “It’s cause it’s a joke, isn’t it? It’s a- it’s not- it’s not me. It’s just a thing on the internet. ‘Twelve year olds.’ Which I personally disagree with cause I don’t think that age should mean anything about what you’re like as a person cause, you know, an intelligently mature twelve year old could be smarter and less annoying than a 17 year old. But it’s like, ‘Oh, 12 year olds.’ Isn’t it? It’s a thing. It’s not me, it’s just a joke. No offense if you are 12.”

47:53 Chat: ‘I was awful at age 12’ – Dan: “I know, that’s the thing. It’s like, I reckon most of the 12 year olds that are on youtube are probably the least annoying kind of 12 year olds, you know what I mean? Cause they’re not the ones that are like [duck face, peace signs] on facebook and stuff like that. But I can- I can personally say that when I was 12 I was really effing annoying and stupid. [laughs] Unsurprisingly. But that’s just called being young and as you get older you change. I think until you’re, like, 27 you’re allowed to completely redefine who you are every year you’re life. Cause I think there’s a moment where everyone’s like 15/16, which for me was like 18 and a half, when you’re like, ‘Wow. I just suddenly realised how cringe my entire life has been so far.’ So, you know, guys, don’t let your past hold you back. Seriously. Don’t worry about that crap. You decide who you are, okay? Every year that goes on, redefine yourself until you become the person you want to be. Right. Don’t let anybody judge you. It’s up to you who you are. Just live the life that you want to live. Don’t be held back.”

49:06 He shows an app that is called ‘The Llama or duck app’

49:22 “I might make a video about that one day. Pretend I didn’t say that, guys. Guys, pretend I didn’t say that. I’m gonna- I’m gonna mention that in a video at some point. […] Cause I feel like a lot of my videos unintentionally end with philosophical speeches. I might just make a series that’s called ‘Real talk with Dan.’ Where I’m like, ‘Y’all mother fuckers need Jesus. I’m here to deliver the gospel.’ I’m joking. Obviously.”

50:36 Someone says they’re having an existential crisis, he says he’s a good channel for that. “I’m like the go-to person for quarter life crisis.’”

51:03 Chat: ‘Are you glad that you left university?’ - Dan: “Uh, in hindsight now that I work at Radio 1, uh, yes. But I couldn’t have known that then.”

51:22 Guess the crime. Someone mentions twerking – Dan: “Just one girl, just one hoe, twerking on the corner.”

52:57 He can dance. He thinks he’d be good at learning dance moves because he’s rhythmic. “I’m quite [winks] rhythmic, if you know what I mean. [winks] I don’t know what that means.”

53:17 Chat: ‘No, you can’t’ Dan – “What do you know? You’ve never seen me try to dance. [Person] Get a name that I can pronounce. God. Have a less interesting name.”

53:38 He has a fear that Tyler Oakley will ask him and Daily Grace to twerk and he won’t be able to get out of it

54:01 He mentions Ciara/One Two Step. He sings some lyrics from her songs - “I am black. I’m like an inverted Malteser. We’ve been over this before. We know it. Obviously. I listen to Azealia Banks, of course I am. Cause it’s not just, uh, gay men and black girls that listen to Azealia Banks or anything like that. But then again I do listen to Metallica as well so I do even it out.”

55:09 He talks about how people lurk and don’t talk in the chat until he mentions something very specific that they can comment on. It’s a vocal minority.

56:16 Chat: ‘Do you go clubbing?’ – Dan: “Not that- no. No, I’m really- I mean I don’t- I’m not one of those people that’s like, ‘Ugh. I’m not one of those brain-dead idiots that goes out and clubs.’ I just don’t, um, the friends that I have in London, uh, aren’t really like, ‘Yeah, let’s get wasted!1’ on Friday kind of people. When I lived in Reading with my school friends, when we all turned 18 it was like, ‘Yeah, we’re 18 so we can out on the town now.’ So, we used to go out, like, every Thursday. Which got boring quite quickly. Just listening to the UK top 40 while going [bobs his head along] in a dark room while giving away all the money that you spent working at your weekend job on horrible tasting drinks. But, um, occasionally it’s quite fun.”

56:59 He went out with friends over Christmas

57:06 He wants to go back to Vegas – “It’s gonna happen. I am gonna- I- I will have gone to Vegas for the second time before Vidcon before [laughs] I’ve even touched the footage from what I filmed last Vegas. Maybe, guys, maybe I should wait until Vidcon this year and film the Vegas video but just film less stuff and then I can actually upload the Vegas video and not film two weeks. Do you reckon that’s- do you reckon that’s okay? I can just- I can just re-film the Vegas video if I go to Vegas this June. Maybe.”

57:49 Chat: ‘Say Texas accent as many times as you can’ – Dan: “Why? Does it make you say something? ‘I like having sex with corpses.’ [He does it] It doesn’t say anything. I’m disappointed. I wanted it to be like, ‘Oop gay sex. Ooh no.’ Nothing punny about that.”

59:56 “A girl, um, was getting her hair cut by the same guy before me and she was an Asian girl. A really, really beautiful Asian girl that looked like a K Pop star. She had, like, that kind of, you know, like, perfect skin, you know, like, doll face. […] and I was like, ‘Wow you look like a fricking K-pop celebrity.’”

1:01:12 He saw a photo on tumblr of himself and Niall from One Direction that someone had drawn over - “I’m not gonna lie when I met One Direction there was- there was a lot of sexual tension between me and Niall. Oh yeah.”

1:01:33 He wonders if he has to work at Reading festival will he met some people

1:01:59 “If I met Gerard Way I’d probably just crumble into a pile on the floor and start crying. And if I met Hayley Williams I’d probably just hyperventilate and not wanna go near her. ‘Hi, Hayley Williams. Well, you’re possibly one of the most attractive girls that’s ever existed. I don’t want to go near you.’”

1:02:35 Chat: ‘You’re such a fangirl’ – Dan: “Well it’s just, you know, if I met- it’s just kind of from certain periods of your life, you know what I mean? It’s like I don’t think that Muse make the best music out of any band in the world, but because they were one of the first bands that I got into ever, they have a very special place- someone said, ‘Amy Lee is beautiful.’ Yes, she is. Evanescence, being one of the first bands that I ever got into they- they, you know, they have a massive, like, nostalgic thing for me and it’s the same with, um, you know, My Chemical Romance. When I was 15, or 14 rather, I was obsessed with My Chemical Romance so they’re- they’re permanently gonna be, you know, a thing for me. So, it’s not so much fangirling as like I remember a period of my life, and you know, you associate that period of your life with the music that you were listening to at the time, you know what I mean?”

1:03:27 Chat: ‘Such a bad era’ – Dan: “Some good times. Some- some mostly- some mostly not good times. But that’s the thing, it’s like I look back at those times and I’m like, ‘Yeah. I- that was awful. I hated life.’ And then I remem- you know, but then listening to Muse was one of the highlights of that period of my life cause I liked listening to them. So, you know, even if you’re not into the same bands as you’re older you’ll always associate them with periods from your life.”
1:03:59 He likes every genre of music rant but he never liked ‘current teen sensations’

1:04:52 Sum 41/Blink 182

1:05:16 He puts his fluffy hat after he has a shower so he doesn’t have to deal with his hobbit hair

1:05:27 Music talk. When he was 13/14 he simultaneously liked Justin Timberlake - “Not obsessed with him. Just his music. I thought he was really cool.” And Slipknot. He was listening those whilst everyone else was listening to pop music. - “That’s just Dan for you. In a little thing.”

4:34 It was an ordeal to finish his video. College Drop Out and Serious Business both also took too long to film.

5:30 Someone’s sim just died - “Did it die because you set its house on fire? Or cause you built a bunch of fences around it and then tipped over a barbecue and then it set on fire along with its baby? Cause that’s the sort of thing that most of us do when we play The Sims, to be honest.”

6:36 He asks if guys wear loose necked t-shirts in America

7:10 “I feel like, cause I’m not exactly the manliest looking guy, I dunno if I can wear t shirts like that. I- I feel like I should just wear full on turtle neck beige sweaters that are just like, “Hey. Hey.’ Cause I feel like someone like Finn Harries could wear it and be like “[Fwah] I am sex on legs.” But not me. No.”

9:15 He did an interview for Sugarscape – “I arguably either won or trolled a hottest guy competition on it.”

9:39 “Is it good? If it’s embarrassing I don’t want to tweet it, but if it’s good I could.”

9:56 (People in the chat are saying it’s good) – Dan: “I- I can watch it then. I was too afraid to watch it in case I embarrassed myself.”

10:02 Chat: ‘You were so sarcastic to them it was funny’ – Dan: “Sounds like Dan. Refuses to take anything seriously.”

10:36 He thinks Genesis is a cool name

10:54 “Grace C is the first person in this week’s live show to say, ‘You’re so posh.’ Thanks, Grace C. Would anyone like to correct Grace C? No? Okay. I’ll- I’ll leave you to it. Grace, read the chat. A bunch of people are about to correct you probably.”

11:49 Movie talk – he wants to see Django Unchained. He like The Hobbit.

13:08 He wants to see Silver Linings Playbook – “Cause I love Jennifer Lawrence a lot. Jennifer Lawrence is probably in my top 5 females. She’s just so funny. I mean, obviously, she’s incredibly beautiful, but she’s just so funny. God, I- she’s one of those people that, I guess- do you guys ever do this with actors, or actresses, or people in bands? Just sit there and like watch interviews with them for like 5 hours at a time? That’s me and Jennifer Lawrence. I’m just like, ‘Be sassy. Please. Just be really sarcastic. I love you. Why aren’t I going out with you?’ [cries] That’s me. Dint worry, guys. I- I go through the same things as you just Jennifer Lawrence with me.”

14:10 He needs to go see his personal trainer

14:24 Chat: ‘At least you don’t have a huge age difference’ – Dan: “That’s true. How old is Jennifer Lawrence? I think she’s like 6 months older than me. I think- an older girl. Hey hey. Hey hey. That means nothing.” She’s about a year older than him.

14:46 He’ll stick with his personal trainer because he’s fed up of being unfit

14:54 Chat: ‘Her lips are like pillows full of sexy’ – Dan: “Damn right they are. Not that I’d know that.”

15:03 He explains why he uploaded his video on Tuesday. He was going to upload it the week of his first radio show. It was a crazy week. They were at Radio 1 for 7 hours a day. – “Literally all my friends were like, um- of which there’s probably about 3- um ha ha. Were like, ‘Dan, you can’t make a video this week. Don’t be stupid.’ And I was like, ‘I can make a video. Shut up. Of course I can.’ And everyone was like, ‘No, Dan. You’re a moron. You cannot prepare for this radio show and make a video this week.’ Got to about, uh- Lucien wants to know if he’s the only guy here. No, look in the chat it’s- um. A fifth, or rather probably a sixth, of my subscribers are male, which is a pretty [laughs] tangent, I know, I just wanna say this. When you think about that you’re like, ‘Wow, Dan. You know, 5/6th of your audience are female. Hey.’ But that actually means that there’s like at least almost 200,000 guys that are subscribed to me. Which, you know, when you say that, it’s a lot of guys. [sings] Need some more girls in here, what…” On Saturday he posted the update video saying he’d post it after his radio show. The radio show happened, they then had post first show celebrations until 1am. Gives more reasons as to why he couldn’t do it. Then Jack and Dean filmed a video at their house, they were meant to leave at 6pm, they left at 11pm.

18:45 “And then my friend PJ, KickthePJ, um, texted me and he was like, ‘Um, missed my last train home. I’m stranded in London.’ So I was on twitter and everyone was like, ‘Daan!1 Where’s your video?!!11 It’s the weekend!1 What the hell?1!’ And I got a text from my friend and he was like, ‘Um, yeah. I don’t want to sleep on the floor in London. Can you rescue me?’ And I was like, ‘Okay, well. I can’t just leave my friend to go get sexually assaulted by a bunch of tramps in the night.’ So then I couldn’t do it again…” Every time he went to do his video he couldn’t do it, but then he got it done.

19:49 Chat: ‘You’re such a kind friend’ – Dan: ‘What for- for not leaving my friend alone in the middle of the night? ‘Uh. Yeah, no. Sorry. Editing a video right now. Uh, you can just sort of, like, walk home.’ Yeah. That was- obviously could have done that.”

20:45 They have put K-pop on Spotify. He goes through some of them. He recommends people getting into K-pop.

21:24 “Why do I like K-pop? I think it’s cause I totally appreciate how it’s totally kind of manufactured, you know what I mean? Like, there’s- it’s not like Radiohead, you know what I mean? There’s- there is an art to how manufactured K-pop is but it kind of makes it amazing. And I love how they all look the same, and they’re basically like Asian Barbie and Kens…” It’s the same reason he likes Kesha. The art of manufactured pop music.

22:09 Chat: ‘Hyun-ah’ – Dan: “Hyun-ah. There was a girl that was getting her hair cut before me in the place I got my hair cut that looked like Hyun-ah. And I was like [Woooow.]”

22:18 Chat: ‘Are you friends with Charlie?’ – Dan: “Um. I’m- I’m an acquaintance of Charlie’s. I’d like to be Charlie’s friend, but I don’t think Charlie wants to be my friend. I’m-I’m comfortable with saying that just cause I’ve known him for a year. Roughly.”

22:30 He gets up to get his phone because he got a message

23:01 Chat: ‘Where is your Vegas video?’ – Dan: “Hah hah.”

23:25 The message was youtuber MattG124 @ replied him on twitter

23:35 “Linda said, ‘Are you wearing eyeliner!! ’ But her double exclamation mark and a smiley face made me not be able to tell whether she’s being sarcastic or not. If you are being sarcastic then that’s not how, you know, you shouldn’t be sarcastic and- and try to trick people, you know what I mean? If you’re gonna- if you’re gonna use sarcasm you should use it to make a funny joke about something and be kind of miserable. You shouldn’t just try to trick people with sarcasm.”

24:16 There’s a mouse in his house. There are gaps in his house and it goes into those

25:04 Chat: ‘You never reply to my tweets’ – Dan: “I’m sorry. I get a lot of tweets.”

25:12 A song stopped playing during their radio show. “Me and my comprende [sic] Phil…” were doing limbo. Their producers were holding up the limbo pole and

26:42 Comprende. He looks up the meaning of compadre

27:03 “I am never gonna twerk. I am never gonna show you my twerking. Probably. Probably ever. It’s just not gonna- it’s not gonna roll. Unless Tyler Oakley comes up to me at Vidcon and is like, ‘Dan, Daily Grace, come twerk in a video.’ Then I’ll- peer pressure, guys. I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle it.”

27:56 He discuss Nigel Thornberry

28:24 Chat: ‘Do you remember that time you’re on Omegle?’ – Dan: “Um. For the radio show, yes. I’ve never been on radio show any other time, so if you’ve ever spoken to someone on Omegle claiming to be Dan, it’s a giant paedophile. Definitely. So that- which is not funny. That’s just terrifying.”

29:28 He does a survey of the chat’s music tastes

30:32 “What does it say about me that I attract every kind of person from the social spectrum, you know what I mean? Cause I feel like some people don’t- I dunno. Like, with- with some youtubers I get the vibe that, like, people that listen to bands wouldn’t really like them. Whereas I get people that like bands, people that like K-pop, people that like One Direction, Justin Bieber. I- a bunch of people that probably like me cause they know I like Kanye West. Wh- why do I have such a varied group of followers, you know what I mean? Like, I can’t- I can’t really stereotype my subscribers, you know what I mean? Cause most people can be like, ‘Oh, they probably, you know, uh, 16 year old girl that does this, and listens to this.’ Whereas for me it’s like, ‘[Pfttt] No idea.’ Suppose it’s a good thing though.”

31:41 Chat: ‘That’s why we’re all beautiful’ – Dan: “Yes, it is. That is why we are cool kids on the internet. Yeah. Screw everyone else and their fan bases. I’m like- we’re like the fricking... what’s the most- what’s like a symbol for everything? Whatever that is. Yup.”

31:58 “I’m gonna get a chair. Me and Phil have been living in this apartment for 6 months, which is half the time our contract for living in this place has been already. Can you believe that? Six months since Truth or Dare. That’s a lot of videos in a little amount of time. But this whole time we haven’t had a chair there. [turns camera to corner with table] We’ve only had [this] sofa, and we bought one, like, yesterday, I think? So, like, wow, Dan. Been living in a place for six months and you’re still buying furniture. Great. Congrats.”

33:53 Chat: ‘Are you emo?’ – Dan: “No. I’m- I’m not. Do I- Do I have emo hair? I dunno. I feel like emo hair is like over the eye and, like, really crazy. My hair’s just kind of side fringey, you know? Not an emo. I base my hair on a Korean guy.”

35:38 Chat: ‘Do you track danisnotonfire on tumblr?’ – Dan: “I have done that since the dawn of time. You should know that. That’s how I get involved in the lols.”

35:55 He has a Calcifer plushie that he puts on the fire when it’s not on

37:45 Chat: ‘I miss your hobbit hair’ – Dan: “How can you miss my hobbit hair? You’ve only seen it once or twice.”

38:02 He rearranges his hair before his videos

38:35 He asks whether people want him to do a house tour. Not all of his subscribers want to see the same things. - “I could do a sarcastic house tour. I’ll put that in my video ideas one. A reluctant house tour.”

39:41 He’s the top younower this month – Dan: “Yeah. Not you, Jack. Get away, Jack. Ain’t nobody got time for you, Jack. I’m only joking. I love Jack. Sexually and as a youtuber.”

40:08 “I think I have a quite a good case for youtube videos not having to be too long. Cause a big thing with youtubers is some people are like, ‘Videos can’t be longer than 3 and a half minutes.’ But, my-” (Gets distracted, doesn’t pick up the conversation again)

40:21 His most viewed video is of him and Jack

40:30 “Okay, a bunch of people just typed, ‘Are you gay?’ into the chat when I made that joke about Jack. No. That was a joke, okay? Calm down. I still like boobs. Don’t worry. You’re totally gonna marry me when you’re not 13 anymore. You can stop panicking. Stop panicking.”

40:47 Chat: ‘I have a house tour fetish’ – Dan: “Well then, Jake. I might not have a breakfast bar but I can do some cool stuff with the dining table. Maybe just for you.”

41:01 “And then Stephen typed into the chat, ‘You should be completely gay. No vagina for you.’ Thanks, Stephen. That- great. Well, you know, if I ever wake up completely gay then I’ll be sure to call you.”

41:26 “Guys, if you’re gonna learn anything from my channel, it’s not about surviving the quarter life crisis, it’s not about finding eternal happiness. The one thing you should remember is to never sexually role play as a guinea pig on the internet. That is the biggest lesson I can teach you.”

41:59 He accidentally follow/unfollowed a girl on tumblr earlier when he was stalking her blog

42:23 His favourite old video game is Abe’s Odyssey

43:13 Chat: ‘Why do you reblog weird things?’ – Dan: “It’s just the kind of stuff that I like.”

44:04 He asks what youtuber they want him to make a video with next

44:47 Chat: ‘Tyler Oakley’ – Dan: “A lot of requests for Tyler Oakley. What would I do with Tyler Oakley? The thing is, if I- if- like- you know, Jack and Finn made that video with Tyler Oakey, uh, the gay slang one. If I made that one- just gonna say it- everyone would be like, ‘Um. Tyler, why did you make this video with a gay friend?’ And I’d be like ‘[Oohh] god.’ So, uh, maybe that’s not the best idea.”

45:25 His hands aren’t big, it’s perspective

46:22 Chat: ‘Will you be my English teacher?’ – Dan: “If I- English teacher would be one of the things I’m probably- I would probably be good at I reckon. In a different universe. If I wasn’t busy thrusting my hips at a camera for youtube then I’d, you know, I could be an English teacher. Don’t- don’t think I would be but I could be.”

46:40 Hannah Hart tweeted that she wanted to make a video with him

46:48 “I’ve yet to make a video drunk. I did a drunk live show. I’ve yet to do a video drunk. I’m not against doing more live shows drunk, to be honest. If I’m being honest here, I’m not against the idea of doing more live shows when I’m completely wasted, but I’m not gonna get drunk for the sake of being drunk on you now. That’s called alcoholism, um, but next time I accidentally get drunk during a business meeting I’ll try to have a live show for you guys. Or film a video.”

49:02 Chat: ‘Will you marry me?’ – Dan: “I would, but, um, I don’t know who you are. You could be a dog in a human suit… [audio cuts off]… Not worth the risk.”

50:22 “Camilla wants to s- oh no. Can’t read that out. That’s just offensive. I c- oh my god. I have a- I have a list of words I’m willing to say on the live show and that’s just not one of them. It begins with a c.”

50:32 He asks what he should do to celebrate 1 million subscribers. Mentions Charlie’s and Shane Dawson’s videos, “Should I do a Shane Dawson? […] I’m only joking. It’s cause I love Shane Dawson.”

51:35 Someone asks what twerking is. He tells them to google it – “It’s just a thing that I’m never gonna do basically. Like the Vegas Video.”

53:09 Chat: ‘How good are you at piano?’ – Dan: “I used to be really good at piano when I was like 14 but then I stopped cause my piano teacher was a massive bitch. So, I’ve basically just gotten progressively worse at playing piano since that day.”

54:16 “I’m 6 foot until I put on shoes. And then depending on shoes a bit taller.”

55:43 Chat: ‘Are you single?’- Dan: “Yes. I’m currently way too busy being involved in my own life to want a girlfriend.”

55:50 [Checks his phone] “Uh, one of my friends Bryony said she went to watch my live show and she got scared. That’s okay. I can imagine most of you are scared right now. I’m scared.”

56:01 Chat: ‘Do you have a car?’ – Dan: “No. I- I had a car, my parents sold it when I was in university. Oh dear.”

56:07 Chat: ‘Favourite Doctor Who character?’ – Dan: “I actually like River Song, just gonna put that out there. Rory. Rory. If there’s like a top 5 list people I’d totally go gay for, hundred percent gay for Rory. Just so gay for Rory.”

56:22 Chat: ‘Do you want a girlfriend?’ – Dan: “No. I had a girlfriend for ages when I was a teenager and now I- I don’t want a girlfriend for a while cause I’m really busy doing things. I- I’m fine as I am.”

56:36 His favourite Doctor is Matt Smith but he likes both Tennant and Smith

56:47 Chat: ‘I’d go straight for Rory’ – Dan: “High five to that.”

56:53 Chat: ‘What are you doing for Phil’s birthday?’ – Dan: “Just- no idea. Probably eating and playing video games.”

56:58 Chat: ‘Do you think it’s weird how youtube has exploded over the past year?’ – Dan: “I think it’s just cause youtube is becoming more mainstream. When people like Charlie had a million subscribers youtube was this weird website that not that many people went on. Whereas now, obviously, Youtube is like one of the top 5 websites on the internet. So, there’s just more people on it. I guess.”

57:38 “Someone said I have 941,000 subscribers and Jack has 943,000. I thought Jack had way more than me. Could I get to a million before Jack? [laughs] Wow. He should stop being lazy and make a video.”

57:55 Chat: ‘Are you heartbroken?’ – Dan: “No. I mean, yes. Because of all the Johnlock feels when Sherlock jumped off the building. Oh god. No, I’m not.”

58:18 Favourite superhero: Batman

58:33 Chat: ‘You watch Lost?’ – Dan: “Yeah, I was a- I am- fact for you all here, dunno if I’ve mentioned this, I am an editor on the Lost wiki. That’s right. When I was watching Lost when it was on tv, I was this much of a nerd, I used to go on Lost wiki to be like, ‘I’m so confused by everything that’s happening.’ I used to email the admins like, ‘There are a bunch of spelling mistakes [laughs] in this article about Lost.’ So they were like, ‘Well, you’re obviously here for the community. Have you considered becoming an editor?’ So there we are. I’m- I’m an official editor on the Lost Wikipedia.”

59:08 Chat: ‘Edward Cullen or Kristen Stewart?’ – Dan: “Well, one of those is a fictional character and one of those is a real person, and they’re the other characters. Um. I like Robert Pattinson.”

59:18 Chat: ‘Do you like to sing a lot?’ – Dan: “All I do is sing when I’m by myself. It’s just embarrassing frankly.”

59:48 [Turns the camera down to the couch where his phone is sitting because people keep asking him to sing] “See this would be the perfect time for someone to text me like, ‘Hey, Dan. I’ve got that bag of cocaine/naked pictures you ca- you sent me.’ But that- that hasn’t happened.”

1:00:33 He likes tea but he’s too lazy to make tea. Boiling a kettle is too much.

1:00:54 He watched the ‘tampon video’. He tells people to go watch it if they haven’t - “You need to emotionally scar yourself on the internet at some point.”

1:01:31 Chat: ‘Show us your drumming skills’ – Dan: “I would get a drum kit but I’m in an apartment. They’d probably complain.”

1:01:44 He’s the 17th most subscribed youtuber in the UK

1:01:50 He prefers Smosh to Shane Dawson but he used to watch Shane Dawson a lot in 2008

1:02:22 Chat: ‘Are you black?’ – Dan: “Yes.”

1:02:32 He shows his clavicles – “I could eat cereal out of it.”

1:02:46 Chat: ‘Do you like to set your goals?’ – Dan: “Vaguely. I like to fantasize about the future. [laughs] And then desperately try to achieve it.”

1:02:57 Chat: ‘Favourite American Horror Story character?’ – Dan: “Kit. I’d go gay for Kit. Again, in the top 5.” Also Jessica Lange.

1:03:29 “I feel like ‘turnip’ has become a serious insult for me. It’s no longer just a sarcastic thing.”

1:04:13 “I started youtube cause I used to watch youtubers for years and then just decided to make it as a hobby. Would I recommend it as a career? No. Never plan on youtube becoming a job. It just happens to people by accident. And even then I don’t think it’s something that can happen for 40 years. No one knows cause it’s only been happening for about 6 years.”

1:04:58 Chat: ‘Where do you see yourself in 10 years?’ – Dan: “Dear god. Don’t ask me that question. What a terrifying thought.”

1:05:59 Chat: ‘How would you react to Anne Hathaway and Scarlett Johannsen making out?’ – Dan: “Um, I would probably be a bit confused as to why it was happening. And if it was some kind of like private love life leak that ended up on the internet, honestly, I’d probably feel more like a creepy invasive pervert than I would kind of turned on. Cause I- I- respect the privacy of celebrities, you know, like, whenever a celebrity naked picture is posted I’m not like, ‘Gotta see this. Haha.’ I’m always a bit like, ‘Oh. That poor person. I don’t know whether I should be watching this.’”

1:07:05 Chat: ‘You should do a video with Delia Smith’ – Dan: “I bet maybe I can. Like when Charlie got a million subscribers he was able to do things like getting the actual woman from Portal to voice the outro of his video. So maybe I could get actual Delia smith to do a cooking tutorial with me. Maybe this year’s How to make British Pancakes should be filmed with Delia Smith. That’ll be my life goal. I promise you guys, before I die I will try to make a video with Delia Smith. And by promise I mean I don’t promise at all cause that probably’s not gonna happen.”

1:07:55 Chat: ‘For your one million subscriber video just set yourself on fire’ – Dan: “There we go. Oh, that is the- that is the perfect thing to do. Then I don’t have to worry about making videos again. So easy.”

1:08:06 Chat: ‘She’s like 80 though’ – Dan: “She’s still good. She knows how to work it. Yeah.”

4:35 It’s 9:40pm. He felt sick from eating too many pancakes so he didn’t start his live show at 9. He had 8 pancakes

5:12 He’s had to organise some ‘crazy shit’ for a ‘crazy’ video. He’ll upload it on Friday.

6:13 He watched a lot of other peoples 1 million subscribers videos. All of the had videos had twists – “Everyone will be judging me if I don’t do some crazy shit. So, um, crazy shit is what I plan to deliver.”

6:59 He won’t make a Harlem Shake video. “I’m not a, uh, I’m not a bandwagon kinda guy. I dunno. I just- I’m such a- a butt when it comes to that, you know what I mean? It’s like… when people, you know- it’s like youtubers, more American youtubers, kind of have a habit of, uh, riding whatever the big thing is at the moment. It’s like, ‘Minecraft? Gotta make videos about Minecraft. Or Gangnam Style. Or being emo. Or shit girls say. Or, wow, the cinnamon challenge is back in style.’ And I’m kind of like, ‘Cringe. Ugh.’”

7:41 He’s already tired of Harlem Shake videos

8:22 Chat: ‘Is it too mainstream for you, Dan?’ – Dan: “It totally is. I’m way too much of a hipster on youtube. Not that there’s anything wrong with PJ and Sam doing it. Good for them. I’m just a- it’s not my kinda thing.”

8:40 “Which is why I like that me and Jack got to a million subscribers without making any Lady Gaga parodies, you know what I mean? It’s just a weird thing. You expect- I dunno. I just had this thought in my head that I could never become a really, really big youtuber unless I made videos about Kesha, you know what I mean? And it kind of happened without me doing it. So, hey, thanks, guys. Cause I guess that’s you to thank.”

11:30 Chat: ‘She’s dated 14 guys in 3 years’ – Dan: “Well, nothing wrong with that, you know what I mean? She- a woman can date however many guys they want to. But then if you’re gonna write loads of breakup songs about them I guess that does make it a bit weird. I dunno.”

11:52 He asks what people like to put in their pancakes – “Thanks to everyone typing placenta into the chat. Didn’t see that coming.”

14:02 There’s still mice in their apartment. He left the mice in the sink and they escaped

14:46 “God, I- I look like an ogre. I’m not gonna say that cause everyone on tumblr’s gonna be like, ‘Dan. You don’t like an ogre. Shut up.’ It’s true. I should shut up.”

15:05 His youtube network sent him an inflatable dinosaur to celebrate him reaching 1 million subscribers

15:33 Chat: ‘Dan, what’s your plan for Valentine’s Day?’ – Dan: “Um. Uh, sit on twitter and tumblr and laugh at the lonely people who are having a bad evening. [laughs] I’m not somebody, you know what I mean? Like some people really care about Valentine’s Day and they really get like, ‘[cries] I’m lonely.’ I don’t- don’t get like that so I just, uh, relish in the misery of other people, basically. That’s- that’s how I spend Valentine’s Day.”

16:11 He’s been to his personal trainer twice. He wonders if he can get abs - “Not that I’m doing it to look sexy. I’m doing it so I don’t cough up blood every time I try to run down the road.”

16:45 Chat: ‘It’s a consumerist holiday designed to get money out of people’ – Dan: “Or it’s just a nice thing that encourages… romanticness.”

16:54 He has a ‘I heart bodies’ mug – “It can either mean that I visited a human dissection exhibition in Las Vegas or that I’m a necrophiliac. You can- you can decide that yourself.”

17:17 Chat: ‘It’s a gimmick holiday’ – Dan: “There’s nothing wrong- Christmas is a gimmick holiday. No offense, Christians. I mean like for secular people. It’s just an excuse to have fun. Even if it’s not based on anything. Or is it?”

17:37 He asks the chat what Valentine’s Day is based on.

18:16 Something about Saint Valentine – “There you go. It’s- it’s based on a real event. It’s not just a ca- you know, an excuse for people to buy cards.”

18:25 “I’m morally against cards, by the way.”

18:32 “I want the next pope to be the black guy from Ghana. How cool would that be? Not that- anyway.”

18:51 People in London saw his butt going up an escalator

19:19 Chat: ‘Dan for pope’ – Dan: “Oh god. Let’s get off this subject. Quickly. Quickly. We’re just going to offend people. This is very dangerous.”

21:44 Chat: ‘Did you like Crabstickz’s new video?’ (I believe he’s talking about Chris’ ‘Fangirls!’ video) – Dan: “Uh, I did. It was- it was very edgy. He spoke a lot of truth in the video, but I- I- I’d obviously- I’ve- I’ve been too emotionally traumatised by idiots on the internet that I’d never want to risk offending people. Obviously, Crabstickz is not afraid to possibly offend people who don’t, uh, who don’t get it. So, it was good but I I- would not have the balls to make a video like that.”

23:02 Django Unchained talk. He thought it was awesome.

23:32 Chat: ‘Do you think you would ever have considered being a radio presenter before youtube?’ – Dan: “No, not really. It just happened very naturally cause of all the crap we did for them in small- small doses.”

24:12 He asks if Jennifer Lawrence and Nicholas Hoult are dating. They are - “Bastard.”

26:06 He has started watching Death Note – “Did I buy it for my friend or did my friend buy it for me? I bought it for Phil, uh, my friend.”

26:36 He doesn’t think he looks like the guy from Death Note

26:57 “People said that I look like Light and my friend Phil looks like L, but that’s just cause we have brown and black hair. We look absolutely nothing like fricking sexy anime characters, thank you very much. But I have- if you think I do, then thanks. That’s- I’ll take that as a compliment.”

29:30 He mimes the inflatable dinosaur making out with his face – “That’s not how you make love, dinosaur. I don’t have time for you right now.”

29:57 He changes the angle of his camera and you can see he has their professional lighting turned on behind him

30:31 Someone says he has a big forehead. He thinks it’s proportional to his face size.

30:55 His video with Jack and Finn has 3 million views

31:06 “I don’t like looking at my videos cause numbers make me sad.”

31:27 They have a new arm chair for their living room

32:19 They’re drying socks on their radiator

32:37 He asks people what they’re planning on doing on Valentine’s Day – “I need to stop opening the floor to your suggestions. Too many tampon eating.”

35:11 VYou hasn’t been working lately so he asks for some questions to do a Q and A now

35:35 He’s been making a radio documentary today

35:52 Chat: ‘Be my valentine’ – Dan: “No.”

35:56 He worked at Asda and went to India during has gap year

36:38 He bought something strange for his bedroom

36:54 Chat: ‘Is uni worth it?’ – Dan: “Unless you have a viable back up plan, probably yes. In England. It’s obviously more expensive in other places.”

37:33 Donnie Darko is one of his favourite films

38:06 Chat: ‘Are you famous?’ – Dan: “Not really. I have a lot of internet followers but I don’t- I’m just a guy that makes videos.”

44:17 He thinks the scariest fandom is the One Direction fandom. He searched the ‘haylor’ tag on tumblr, it wasn’t good

44:35 His favourite Radiohead song is probably from In Rainbows. Maybe Reckoner

45:37 He’s scared of the dark

45:59 Chat: ‘Is Larry Stylinson real?’ – Dan: “I don’t- I can’t offer an opinion on that, Sonya. Maybe I should get friends with Nick Grimshaw and answer that question for you. It’s probably not. I have no idea.”

46:21 Chat: ‘Will you ever do younow drunk?’ – Dan: “Maybe not intentionally but who knows if I ever have a, uh, a business meeting with wine and then I come back and I’m a bit drunk when I have to do my live show. It happened once it could happen again.”

48:12 He likes how tacky Florida is

49:15 He doesn’t want to play League of Legends because he’s heard its community isn’t very nice

56:38 Chat: ‘Do you like Seether?’ – Dan: “I like that one song they did with Amy Lee. […] Or do I just love Amy Lee? I dunno. It was a good song. Her with black angel wings, me as a teenager going, ‘Marry me, Amy Lee.’”

57:42 Chat: ‘Yaoi?’ – Dan: “What? What about it? Do I read it? No. Do I know what it is? Yes.”

59:06 Chat: ‘What inspires you?’ – Dan: “[audio cuts off] question. I’m not sure how to answer that. Not right now in this quick-fire format. Maybe on VYou if it works.”

59:25 If he were in Game of Thrones he think he’d be a part of the Stark house. He likes the wolves.

59:57 Chat: ‘What do you understand by intelligence?’ – Dan: “I- I don’t understand that question.”

1:00:03 Chat: ‘Why are you so lazy?’ – Dan: “I’m not lazy, I’m just a procrastinator. When I get around to doing things I try very hard. It’s just, uh, getting started that I have a very, very big problem with. I’d rather eat out of boredom to just occupy time.”

1:01:17 He hasn’t met Caspar Lee. He could have met him. Jack Harries invited him on a night out the other day but he was busy doing this for his video. “I think he hates me.”

1:02:06 Chat: ‘Do you smoke?’ – Dan: “No. I don’t hate you if you do. But it’s expensive like god damn.”

1:02:23 He was supposed to meet Hank Green the other day but then they both forgot to email each other

0:43 “I’m very conf- why was there an incognito window open on my laptop? Who was doing something weird? Something shady was going on. I don’t want to know.”

1:07 Chat: ‘Are you sad?’ – Dan: “I’m not, but thanks for implying that I am.”

1:20 He skyped someone for a documentary and they were wearing the same hoodie Dan was

1:53 Chat: ‘Are you happy?’ – Dan: “Yes. I’m fi- [laughs] I’m fine.”

2:40 After watching his last video, he realised he needs to sit further back from the camera

3:20 Guess the crime

4:15 He watched Black Mirror. It was quite good

4:46 He’s watching Death Note

6:15 One million video talk. It took a lot of time to organise because of the number of people that were involved

6:56 Chat: ‘Was it fun?’ – Dan: “It was very fun actually. The process of being set on fire. I, um, I filmed- I d- I say I filmed, uh, uh, mi amigo Philip, Philippe, uh, filmed stuff on the day.” There may be a BTS video on dini.

8:01 He likes Formula 1 – “I like cars, what can I say?”

8:16 He likes VYou but it doesn’t load well

8:34 Brief Formula 1 talk

9:03 Chat: ‘What’s Formula 1?’ – Dan: “Fast cars. There you go. And kind of misogynistic women parading in bikinis but it’s all good. Billionaires and stuff. It’s very classy.”

14:06 Some people didn’t understand the joke of his 1 million subscribers video. Some people thought he was actually trying to make a music video and accidentally caught fire. The video was a joke.

15:17 Chat: ‘Are you going to change your content now you’ve hit a million subscribers?’ – Dan: “Uh, no. I mean, I- I thought about this prior to me getting a million subscribers. I was like, ‘Am I going to have to do different stuff to get to a million subscribers?’ But then the thing is, I got to a million subscribers by doing the kind of videos that I’ve already been making. So, because that’s what I like doing then I should kinda stick to it. I mean, it doesn’t mean that one day I won’t try to do some kind of crazy big creative thing, kinda like- like Charlie in the Forever Yours video, you know what I mean? Just like something really cool that you care about that takes ages. Could do that but it doesn’t mean that I’m gonna stop doing reasons why Dan’s a fail in my apartment, you know what I mean?”

15:55 Chat: ‘Too many gullible people out there’ – Dan: “Kind true. I mean, the thing with youtube- oh god, I’m gonna get deep with you guys, you don’t- you can’t control who ends up watching your videos, you know what I mean? A youtuber just has to make the kind of videos that they want to make and then whoever finds them, finds them, you know what I mean? And the fact is that mostly the people on youtube are early teens. That doesn’t reflect on the kind of content people are making cause that’s what the majority of literally everyone’s subscribers are made of just cause that’s who most of the people on youtube are. So, I mean, just cause there are a lot of 12 year olds that probably watch my videos doesn’t mean that I don’t probably have, on average, older subscribers than most youtubers, you know what I mean? Cause, uh, I’ve said this before, according to my insight my youtube- my um, my average viewer is kind of more towards 16 than 12, whereas obviously someone like Smosh it’s more towards 9 than 12, but I can’t, you know, I can’t complain. If, you know, 11 year olds find my videos and then can’t tell when I’m joking or not. We can’t get mad about it. I don’t get mad about it so as long as you don’t it’s okay. And then suddenly everyone goes, ‘I’m 32.’ In the chat. Yes, I know. Cause, you know, it’s like I think I said this like last week so I’m not gonna dwell on it, but, like, a million subscribers. Holy fuck. That means that at least 250,000 of them are over the age of 18. So even though it’s not the majority it just means that that’s a lot of people that are over 18, you know what I mean? And there’s probably the same amount of people that are 12 and all the middle kind of, you know, 13 to 17. Which is, you know, normal for youtube.”

17:59 He asks what hair cut he should get

19:01 He went on a youtube odyssey earlier for about 4 hours. He watched chat shows where peoples weaves literally got snatched

20:09 He had a paramedic and two stunt guys on set with him when he made his video

21:39 He’s playing The Last Story

22:36 He asks if he could buy ugg boots just to wear inside - “Cause I- previous girlfriend when I was a teenager had ugg boots and I just used to put my hands in them.”

23:03 “I’m aware that as I’m not a black gay guy or an Asian guy I can’t pull off wearing them outside but inside. God, this is violent. Maybe I’ll just do it anyway. If I don’t tweet about it then you’ll have no idea it happened. Like everything else in a youtuber’s life.”

23:42 He makes a word flub – “Good thing you guys are here to correct me on every mistake I ever make.”

23:56 Chat: ‘You act gayer than my friend who’s actually gay’ – Dan: “Thanks, Kirsty T. Nice to know that acting gay is a thing. Because obviously behaviour and sexuality can be stereotyped together. I’m only joking. I’m only joking. But seriously. That’s just- that’s how the world- the world needs to not think that- I’m only joking. I’m only joking.” [looks directly down the camera lens]

25:40 Aladdin used to be his favourite film ever and it was the first movie he ever saw at the cinema

25:52 His favourite Disney films are ones with modern sassy senses of humour. Hercules, Emperor’s New Groove

26:44 “‘Oh, Dan. Of course you like the sassy stuff.’ Ohoh. Cause I’m so sassy, aren’t I? [ugghhh] Where did the word sassy come from? Why did it become popular all of a sudden? Cause I mean it’s- it’s an appropriate word, but it only seemed to, like, become a thing a few months ago. Who was responsible for that? Remind me to kill them. Joking.”

28:11 He’s learning to play Solo by Ludovico Einaudi on the piano

28:42 Chat: ‘Can you do a collab with Charlie?’ – Dan: “[pause] Charlie does not want to be my friend. I’m joking.”

28:53 He’s seen his personal trainer twice since the beginning of 2013

29:17 Chat: ‘You have a lot of love for Charlie, Dan’ – Dan: “A lot of people do cause he was the original youtube superstar.”

29:40 “I like going to videos of me in like 2010 and being like, ‘I used to be a bit chubby, didn’t I?’ Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Other than, obviously, me not being able to walk for two minutes without coughing up blood.”

30:05 Chat: ‘You’re not chubby’ – Dan: “I know, right? Jesus. Like, I go on tumblr and people are like, ‘Dan’s fat.’ And then I go on my Radio 1 youtube video where I’m James Bond and people are like, ‘Dan’s so skinny. He needs to eat more.’ I- I feel like I can- I can relate to Britney Spears, guys. Mr. Now-he’s-too-fat-now-he’s-too-thin. You wanna piece of me?”

30:48 Chat: ‘Still into theatre?’ – Dan: “Watching it. Obviously not- not being it- being in it anymore. Too busy to follow my passion these days. [fake cries] Living a life of regret.”

31:16 He’s got Carmex on his lips so that they’re less chapped

31:51 He just hit 1.1 million subscribers. He’s humbled

32:36 He built two things earlier – “I am quite a manly guy, you know what I mean? I- I build stuff. I like cars.” He built a sofa bed and re-assembled his desk. He’s replacing all the stuff in his room.

33:31 Chat: ‘Cause Carmex is extremely manly’ – Dan: “It kind of is. It’s like the cement of lip balm. It’s kind of like, ‘Oh, I use SPF 15 thing.’ No, I use Carmex. It’s kind of like I slab primordial ooze onto my face to make it less dry.”

34:05 He used to love the stage design department in the theatre he used to go to

34:17 Chat: ‘Do a Scottish accent’ – Dan: “No, cause that would probably just be racist and offensive.”

34:26 He’s asked if people have voted on the options in his last video (About what video they want to see him do)

35:04 “It’s quite funny. I’m using it as kind of like an experiment as well because, obviously, I’m- cause I’m such an uppity bastard who cares so much about my creative integrity. ‘Oh, I’d never do a Lady Gaga parody. I don’t wanna make videos with Harry Styles in the title.’ Um, I wouldn’t wanna do an apartment tour is basically where I’m going. Cause apartment tours are so lame. I mean, I’m aware I did it once, and I kind of did it cause I wanted to make it funny, but just the idea of, like, ‘Here’s my stuff.’ We’ve been over this. Like, people subscribed to me for a lot of reasons. A lot of people, uh, subscribed to me in the same way they subscribed to, you know, just other vloggers like Jack and Finn and Caspar Lee. And then a lot of people subscribed to me cause of sketch comedians and animators that they might like, like Tomska and Jack and Dean. And then some people like me in like an old school youtube kind of way that are people that are used to Shane Dawson and stuff like that. So, the thing is, out of my subscribers, I probably have the most, like, we want different things audience, which is why you should never listen to your audience. If you’re ever becoming a youtuber one of the best pieces of advice a lot of people say is, ‘You have to just make the kind of videos you want to make. Not your audience cause otherwise it’ll be awful.’ But, um, I’m just curious to see how many people would be interested in me doing an apartment tour. So if that ends up being one of the things that I do I’ll, uh, try to do an interesting twist on it. Although, to be honest, a lot of people would like to know why there is a One Direction poster in my toilet and stuff like that.”

37:45 Pokemon talk – He wants them to make a proper RPG game rather than more hand held games

38:37 Either American Idiot by Green Day or Absolution by Muse was the first album he ever bought

38:46 He likes tumblr because he can follow people back on it unlike twitter

42:14 He met Taylor Swift and in high heels she’s taller than Dan – “She was like a- a beautiful yellow praying mantis cause she was so thin and pretty and had her- had her hands like /that/.” He didn’t talk to her because she’s too famous.

43:11 He likes the idea of the American South. He’s obsessed with Mexican Westerns/ Spaghetti Westerns. – “It’s just a shame that the people are probably the most, no offense, backwards conservative people in the country, you know what I mean? Just- I like the idea of, like, Southern hospitality and it being really charming and stuff like that, but then the reality of just kind of like rednecks and stuff. Not that all of you are like that cause I’m aware that there’s probably several thousand of you in Southern America that are really nice […] really lovely people with lovely parents but, um, it’s just a shame everyone isn’t lovely.”

45:39 He realises he’s hungry and asks what he should eat for dinner. There are perks to not living with your parents but a downside is that you have to make your own food

46:18 He’s afraid of KFC. He saw an article where someone found brains in their KFC

47:01 Chat: ‘Horse burgers’ - Dan: “I am in Britain. Might as well make the most of the horse burgers before they go out of stock. I mean, I don’t- I don’t really think there’s anything wrong with all the beef turning out to be horse in the sense that, um, I don’t find the idea of eating horses incredibly, horrifically disgusting. I think for me it’s more of a trust issue that they thought it was beef, you know what I mean? Like, I’m not like, ‘Oh my god. Horse?! [ughh].’ It’s kind of more like, ‘Tesco, you got, you know, woah. You better slap some bitches.’”

48:17 A big disadvantage with being in charge of your own money is being lazy

48:54 They don’t know where the mice are but they can hear them

49:52 He’s not going to a Harlem Shake video

50:56 He goes to the office to show the sofa bed he made. He shows his tools

52:14 Chat: ‘Didn’t Phil help you?’ – Dan: “No. He was editing his video. I literally did it all by myself which is why it took 4 hours.”

52:27 “Did anyone listen to, uh, my radio- I say my- mine and my friends radio show on Sunday?” They played the Pokemon theme

53:31 Food is a sacred experience for him

53:43 Chat: ‘Do you wear makeup?’ – Dan: “Guys, that doesn’t look like sarcasm. Oh god. Oh god. The show was going so well. Oh no. Do I look like I’m wearing make up? Look at my face with this light shining in it. Eyebags. Red nose. [laughs] [ughhh].”

54:44 He’s excited to get back into the swing of making a video every week - “I like making a video every week. It makes me feel like I’m doing something with my life.”

57:25 He thinks it’d be amazing to do a baking collab with Delia Smith. “The reality of the fact that might not even be that impossible is starting to dawn on me so it’s like, ‘Hmm. Maybe’.”

Dan liveshow: 5th March, 2013

0:16 He’s had a haircut

0:33 He has his own room on younow now

1:45 Chat: ‘Are you worried about being followed around by paparazzi now you’re a DJ?’ – Dan: “I don’t think anyone would be interested in following me around. Sorry. I think that’s just- that’s just true. Who- who would follow me around? Honestly. No one.”

2:01 “Thanks to everybody who’s saying it makes me look like a girl. [claps] Keeping gender stereotypes down forever. I’m sure lesbians everywhere are proud to have people like you in the world. I’m only joking.”

2:23 He shows his cleavage

3:26 Chat: ‘Dan, what’s your biggest dream?’ – Dan: “That’s a bit of a heavy question to kick this off with. Dear god. Let’s not do that yet.”

4:23 He gives himself a quiff – “There we go. Now I look like every other male in the world at the moment.”

5:15 Chat: ‘Textiles homework’ – Dan: “What is textiles? I had loads of female friends that were like, ‘Ugh. At textiles class.’ And I’m like what’s- is that like sewing or something? I have no idea. What is textiles?”

5:27 Chat: ‘You look like Andy Biersack’ – Dan: “Is that the guy from Black Veil Brides? Do I wan- I suppose it’s a compliment.”

6:01 He’s never had meatloaf before

7:31 Spotify update

8:09 They had people over at their apartment to film The 401 Show and it was really hot

9:30 “Okay, first person of the show to go, ‘Do you like Sherlock?’ If you are new to Dan and Dan’s live shows which I do roughly every Tuesday around 9, uh, yes, I like Sherlock. Yes, I like American Horror Story. And your favourite band. And everything you like I probably like it and watch it. There we go. That’s all the conversation done. Oh god. What are we gonna talk about for an hour?”

10:17 Human Interaction is his latest video – he couldn’t tell that many stories about it like he does in a usual RWDAF way

11:12 “I need to stress that that video was probably one of the most important reasons why Dan’s a fail I’ve ever made. Cause I only, since making that video last week, have I realised what a big part of my life it is. Like seriously. Every taxi, like, when I was getting my hair cut today I was just sat there like, ‘[Ughh] I don’t want to talk to anyone.’”

11:33 “Did you all see my homoerotic tweet? That was very weird. Made me slightly uncomfortable if I’m being honest. Cause it’s weird. It’s like if- if you’re a guy that needs any kind of hair cut that costs more than 10 quid and you go to a place like Tony and Guy or whatever and it means that you get a lady that’s like, ‘Okay, come sit down on this chair that’s really fricking uncomfortable because you’re a tall guy instead of a short girl.’ […] And then I’m usually sat there like, ‘Mmm.’ While he’s going, ‘Yeaah.’ While the woman is going like that and then she’s like, ‘Do you want the peppermint treatment?’ And I’m like, ‘Yes, please. Keep going. Mm harder a bit.’ But then it’s only ever happened twice in my life when they’re like, ‘Okay. Now I’ll send you over to get your hair washed and it’s a guy. Just makes me feel slightly weird. I dunno why. It’s just- it’s just something weird because there’s something so oddly sexual- I mean what’s it like for you guys? I guess- this is- this is what I want to know. When you girls are getting your hair cut and there’s a lady going, ‘Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.’ How- how’s that for you? Is it just weird for me because there’s less guys that usually are assigned to hair scrubbing duty? I dunno.”

Tweet: @danisnotonfire: that awkwardly homoerotic moment when it's a guy that washes your hair at a salon and he's like 'is that pressure okay' and I'm like '..yes'

13:01 “I think we can all agree it’s weird but, um, enjoyable. Yeah.”

13:08 Chat: ‘I’ve never had a guy do it’ – Dan: “I dunno. I think- I think it’s just that, um, the people that do that are kind of girls that are just trying to get, like, a part time job, and, I guess, you know, it makes sense. More girls would try to get part time jobs at a hair dressers. It was just a bit weird. [laughs] Just a bit weird.”

13:54 He’s redecorated his bedroom

14:09 His skin is more naturally golden than most British people – “But you can’t tell cause I’m like, ‘Hi, I’m Dan and this is a lamp in my face. Look at me I know how to light my videos.’ Except I don’t. I have a million subscribers and I still don’t know how to use a camera or anything.”

14:48 He put a crisp packet in the hole where the mice were coming out

16:03 “Oh first person of the day to say, ‘Are you wearing eyeliner?’ [puts his face in his hands] No. What? Let’s look at my eyes [pulls his camera right up to his eye] Does it look like I’m wearing- oh that’s gross. Ughh. Eyes are disgusting. I hate it. Girls are always- I dunno. Whenever I used to look at girls putting on eyeliner I’d be like, ‘Wh- what do you do if you slip?’ Like seriously, if you slip surely you’re gonna blind yourself permanently. Just not worth the risk- Just not worth the risk. Just go without make up. I’d probably blind myself.”

16:38 Chat: ‘Do you still enjoy making videos?’ – Dan: “I still feel like I haven’t gotten started with youtube yet. Like honestly I just- [ugh] I’ve gotten- I gained subscribers in this last year so quickly that in my mind I hadn’t started doing the kind of thing that I thought I’d have to do to start to become a popular youtuber. So, in my mind I haven’t even- I- I- I- it’s like I haven’t even gotten started with youtube yet. Properly. It’s like I haven’t even properly started trying. So don’t worry about me and youtube. Trust me, I’m- still- still a lot more in me.”

17:11 Chat: ‘Do you ship L and Light?’ – Dan: “Uh, well, you know, obviously I don’t, but, uh, I got the feeling from watching it that a lot of people would but I didn’t want to go there. Part of me was like, ‘Maybe I should just look it up to see what kind of creepy stuff is out there.’ And then I, you know, I think you guys would all know that I’m- I’m aware of the sort of creepy things that are- I didn’t wanna- I just didn’t wanna know. I was like they’re prob- L and Light are probably a very, very big ship. I don’t wanna know. I don’t wanna know. It’s gonna- it’s just gonna ruin the show.”

17:43 Chat: ‘Why do you watch girls put on eyeliner?’ – Dan: “It wasn’t a hobby of mine. It’s just something I saw a couple of times.”

17:49 Chat: ‘Is making the youtube videos a good way of getting confidence?’ – Dan: “Um. I don’t know whether it was youtube that helped me be more confident or whether it was just getting older. I- honestly, I feel like it was just, uh, getting older that made me be more confident than I was as a teenager. It’s mostly about being confident about yourself. And if you’re interested in kind of waffly conversations like that then you should check out a video that I did, uh, that I will be linking to in my next video, I think. I was- I did this interview and it was about stuff like that. It was quite interesting.”

18:27 Chat: ‘I swear I’m getting less confident as I get older’ – Dan: “Louis. Yup. You need to take a step back and just realise you’re a strong, independent woman, and you don’t- I’m not gonna say you don’t need no man cause that’s just fricking so cliched, but seriously. Believe in yourself, man. Life’s too short. Be confident.”

18:44 Chat: ‘Pepsi or Coke?’ – Dan: “Coke. I prefer the taste. And there goes Dan’s Pepsi deal, the only reason he was working for Radio 1, down the drain. Crap. Joking.”

19:33 Chat: ‘How do you feel about Jennifer Lawrence, Dan?’ – Dan: “Did you guys see? I @ replied, um, Nick Grimshaw telling him to tell Harry Styles to stay away from Jennifer Lawrence and he replied to me. I always find that weird. Cause like- it’s like I know Nick Grimshaw from Radio 1 but then it’s the fact that he’s actually Harry Styles’ best friend and hangs out with him all the time. I find that weird. I don’t- you know, I find that weird. That I have like one degree of separation from Harry Styles who’s obviously this, uh, crazy superstar that most youtubers make parody videos where they get their friends to pretend to be him.”

21:22 Chat: ‘You look like a small boy’ – Dan: “Let’s- how can I make myself more manly looking? Just go full quiff? ‘Hey guys. So. I’m Dan and this is my new serious business life style. I’m only here to talk about politics and sadness.’”

21:48 “I have the physical body of a 17 year old. Probably. I’d say that’s a- a rough estimate.”

22:03 He thinks it’s just his webcam that makes his skin look smooth

22:44 Chat: ‘Can I stroke your cheekbones?’ – Dan: “What cheekbones? I have the face of a beluga whale.”

22:51 He’s too busy to go on VYou but he wants to do it more

23:40 He cut off the circulation in his arm whilst sleeping last night. He thought he was going to die

24:46 He’s excited to go to Playlist live to see his American youtube friends

25:35 Someone asks him to do a video with CTFXC. He says he was a few years ago. He asks if anybody was around when he uploaded his Dan versus Phil video

25:54 He wants to go to Japan – “Go stand outside Nintendo and be like, ‘I know this guy on youtube that would really like to sell out and go to Japan.’ Yeah. Totally up for that.”

26:10 Chat: ‘Do a video about Becky and Jessica’ – Dan: “And their long painful history. Man, their friendship has seen some dark times but they pull through. D- you know, Becky puts up with Jessica because she knows what Jessica’s been through in her life. It’s a lot of history there. Maybe I’ll make a short film about it one day.”

26:29 Chat: ‘Ryan Seacrest’ – Dan: “Yeah, f, what? Did you guys know this? I- I literally found out last night. There’s this- there’s been this Ryan Seacrest thing where he’s like, ‘Ryan Seacrest is trying to work out his favourite youtuber with polls on his website.’ And yesterday Phil was like, ‘Uh, Dan. You- you’re in the final for this Ryan Seacrest thing.’ And I was like, ‘What the fuck?’ So I posted it on my facebook page and now I’m apparently Ryan Seacrest’s favourite youtuber or something. I have no idea.”

27:17 He recommends people should apply to be in the Jeremy Kyle audience because it’s very fun

27:55 Chat: ‘Where is Jack and Finn?’ – Dan: “The fuck? Usually it’s, ‘Where is Phil?’ And I’m like, ‘Uh, doing whatever he does in his own life.’ Where Jack and- how do I know what the fuck Jack and Finn are up to? What? They don’t do their live shows on Tuesday. The hell?”

28:29 Chat: ‘Were you smooth with the ladies at school? – Dan: “Let’s- fricking hell, let’s not go into that.”

28:43 Chat: ‘Should I ship you with Evan Peters or Jennifer Lawrence?’ – Dan: “Ooh. That’s tough. I don’t even know if I could decide. Well, I could. Ohhh, Jennifer Lawrence.”

28:59 He wants to do panels at Playlist because he “likes opinions” which is also why he likes VYou

29:07 “One of my favourite things about anything is being asked questions cause I really like giving my appearance- appearance. My, uh, opinion on things. I’d love to be on a pane- on a panel. Give some serious business answers. So, I should, uh, I should get back on- on VYou.”

29:27 Chat: ‘Have you ever had a girlfriend who is not from the UK or white?’ – Dan: “That’s… specific. Uh, I have- I have had a girlfriend that wasn’t white. I haven’t had a girlfriend that wasn’t from the UK.”

29:38 Chat: ‘Emma Watson or Jennifer Lawrence?’ – Dan: “I think I prefer Jennifer Lawrence cause she is a bit, uh, more sarcastic and miserable like me. [laughs] I dunno. Like, Emma Watson is amazing but she’s very angelic and perfect like Beyonce. Whereas, Jennifer Lawrence, uh, does, uh, kind of, uh, faily things all the time. She’s a bit of a derp and that just makes her even more loveable to be honest. It’s hard to appreciate Emma Watson without feeling like a horrible human being. Just massively inferior in every single way. Compare yourself to Emma Watson. No point in being alive.”

30:16 Chat: ‘What did you do to your eyebrows?’ – Dan: “I didn’t d- wh- oh, I- what? I- I shaved them off and replaced them with velcro eyebrows. What do you think I did?”

34:40 Chat: ‘What would you do in a room with 40 chicks?’ – Dan: “What? [laughs] What? What does that even mean? Have sex with them all, yeah. Wow. I d- what?”

34:49 Chat: ‘I love how you don’t describe your fans’ – Dan: “Yeah. That’s a bit of a silly question just on the basis that I’m aware- okay, well. Firstly, I haven’t said this in a while, I’m- I’m a kinda person that doesn’t like to think I have fans. Just gonna throw that out there. I’m not really Justin Bieber-y in that sense. I, um, I like to think of my subscribers as just other people that watch my videos as opposed to fans of Dan. If you want to think you’re a fan of Dan that’s fine. You go ahead, but I’m- you can’t- I can’t describe what my fans are like cause it’s just a dis- a collection of individuals, you know what I mean? There’s no stereotypical person cause no one person’s behaviour represents a group. And if it did then oh Jesus Christ save us all.”

35:54 Chat: ‘Dan, make a hair tutorial’ - Dan: “What the hell would a hair tutorial by Dan be? Wake up, look like a tramp, then complain about how you look like a tramp. Constantly. That’s- that’s, um, that’s my hair tutorial by Dan. Roll out of bed and go on camera.”

36:12 Chat: ‘Ya, you’re definitely not joking’ – Dan: “Have you worked out the pattern, Beth? Say something followed by ‘joking’ when I’m not.”

37:01 Chat: ‘Why do you laugh at your own jokes?’ – Dan: “I’m laughing with the people in the chat but if I didn’t find myself funny then I wouldn’t be good at making youtube videos. Oh god.”

37:09 Chat: ‘Do you consider yourself sassy?’ – Dan: “Uh. I hate the word sassy. I just- I dunno- I- I dunno- like I’m- I’m sarcastic and I don’t like stupid people and I guess a word for that is sassy, but I don’t- I don’t, you know what I mean? It’s like That’s So Raven, she’s sassy. I don’t like [ugh].”

37:33 He asks why Gerard Way is considered sassy

38:09 Chat: ‘You’re a realist, Dan’ – Dan: “Thanks, Heather. That’s how I like to view the situation. Just things like- people like you saying that just gives me all the hope I need in the world. Thank you for being real. Thank you for saying things like that.”

38:29 He watched a few things today that he used to think were good and now doesn’t

39:14 He disabled posts to his facebook page when it changed to timeline. The timeline feature made it so you can’t see them so he disabled them for the same reason he closed his PO box - “People were like, ‘Is it because of annoying people?’ No, that’s- that- that’s just called the internet. [laughs] That’s nothing to do with my faceb- that’s just the internet.”

40:33 He doesn’t like chocolate orange

40:43 His Human Interaction video was the first video in about a year that he didn't swear in

42:11 Chat: ‘I thought you were going to get an awful hair-cut and I was going to cry. I’m now so relieved’ – Dan: “Good to know that you’d have cried. Would it have just completely disfigured my face? Would I just not be worth watching anymore if my hair was awful?”

42:26 He won a PS3 on Tango’s facebook page

42:49 “If you don’t know the story, I think it was Tango’s facebook page literally had like 20 likes or something cause they were a massive fail, and they had a competition which was like- cause, you know, they’re like, ‘You’ve been Tangoed.’ They had this thing where they said, ‘If you write the funniest prank idea in the comments below this post we’ll send the funniest post a PS3.’ And Phil was like, ‘Uh, Dan, no one likes this page, there’s a very high chance that you could win a Playstation.’ And I was like, ‘Oh, shut up.’ Cause I- I never like entering anything cause I’m really cynical and miserable constantly. So, um, I was like, ‘No.’ But then Phil was like, ‘Go on, you might as well.’ I opened a tab, google searched ‘funniest prank’ went onto the first search result and it said, uh, ‘Cover someone’s toilet in cling film.’ I copied it, pasted it, pressed enter, and then I got a message the next day saying, ‘You won the competition! What’s your address?’ And they sent me a Playstation. And I was like, ‘Oh, god.’ I don’t- that is the jammiest thing that’s ever happened.”

43:47 He’s not doing to do a Harlem Shake video

44:13 Chat: ‘You don’t care about Russia’ – Dan: “Why would I not care about Russia? [laughs] What? Why would you type that into the chat? You don’t c- what? What do you mean I don’t care about Russia? What does that even mean? I- Russia’s a cool country. I’d like to go there one day. Hi if you’re a subscriber of mine from Russia. Thanks for liking my videos. There we go.”

45:03 Chat: ‘Do you like China?’ – Dan: [laughs] “Please. Let’s not- let’s not descend into this pit. What do you mean do I like China? No. I hate China. What a daft question.”

48:56 Chat: ‘Do something interesting’ – Dan: “What? What do you want me to do? Strip? [laughs] I’m here to talk not be a monkey.”

49:10 He’ll do a draw my life video. He thought Shane Dawson’s was nice

49:44 He used to watch Michael Aranda’s YVous “religiously like a fricking stalker”

50:17 System of a Down are one of his top 10 favourite bands

50:32 Chat: ‘What do you think of Phil’s hate from the Dangirls?’ – Dan: “I really have a fricking problem with the word ‘dangirls.’ I might as well explain this here, I don- obviously this doesn’t apply to all of you listening, but I, um, if- if you haven’t considered it before, different people, okay, have different tastes. [laughs] Don’t know if you’ve gone- if you’ve realised that. Cause, you know, if someone likes a youtuber and doesn’t like a different youtuber that doesn’t make them a horrible person that just mean they- they’re into different things. You know, if your friend liked My Chemical Romance but doesn’t like Kanye West that doesn’t make them a massive bastard that just means that they have different tastes and that- that applies to everything. It applies to TV presenters, actors, youtubers. So when you say, ‘people hating on people,’ everyone has haters on the internet. If someone was mean to a youtuber I have had very mean people to me too. If someone likes Phil and they don’t like me I don’t get offended that just means that they’re into different things. If someone likes me and doesn’t like Phil that doesn’t mean they’re a dangirl, you shouldn’t go attacking them. However, if someone is mean to somebody that doesn’t make them a dangirl, that makes them a twat, okay? [laughs] No matter who they’re hating, if they’re hating on Phil, if they’re hating on me, if they’re hating on anyone, life is too short to hate. Do not be a drama llama. It doesn’t mean that there’s a dangirl, or they’re a fangirl, or that they’re a ‘stupid One Direction fan’ or that, ‘All of Sherlock fans are big drama llamas and the Sherlock fandom are full of idiots.’ No, no, no, no, no. It means that one person is stupid, okay? Don’t have a problem with One Direction fans or a problem with Sherlock fans just cause one person’s a drama llama, okay? Just block that one person. Drama is continued by people moaning about the fact that there’s drama, you know what I mean? If you- if you- I can’t- sometimes I check the, like, Taylor Swift tag on tumblr just to- just to cry at humanity, and it’s like, you know, if you don’t like drama then just ignore it, you know what I mean? They’re like disease. It- it feeds off attention. It’s like a bad smell, if you ignore it it’ll go away. So don’t- don’t hate other people, okay? Just, you know, if someone’s being stupid and they’re hating, that doesn’t make them an annoying fangirl, that doesn’t mean that all Beliebers are stupid. Imagine being a One Direction fan. There’s just a nice girl that listens to One Direction and sometimes emotionally breaks down while listening to their music, and then there’s all these fricking insane drama llamas, and then eveyrone’s going, ‘All One Direction fans are idiots.’ You know, how- I feel bad for the nice girl that just likes One Direction, you know what I mean? And that applies to every band, every actor, every tv show, every youtuber in the world, and that- you know, that’s just the thing about tumblr. It’s simultaneously the best and worst website for being a fan of something. Cause the way that it works means that so- you know- you c- you can make something hilarious and everyone will see it, and appreciate it, and it’ll get spread around, and it’s amazing. But because it feels closed down people feel like they can get away with causing hate and just by tagging something it’s so easy to cause a shit storm and, you know, I realised you just have to ignore it, you know what I mean? If you- if you have a problem with drama then just- [blergh, blergh, blergh] you know what I mean? That’s the reason why I ha- I haven’t acknowledged anything even remotely negative for about 8 months on the internet cause when I did it once or twice I got messages from loads of you guys going, ‘Uh, Dan. Uh, you know not everyone’s like that so you’re just kind of making us look bad.’ And I’m like, ‘That’s very true. Let’s just completely ignore all drama llamas.’ So, guys, you know, if you’re on twitter and you like your favourite band or whatever, just- life is too short. Life is way too short. Seriously. There should be like special tumblr tags for, like, strict no shit storm zones. I just wanna look at pictures of Harry Styles without people moaning, you know what I mean? [laughs] Oh well. It’s the same thing. That’s just the world, you know what I mean?”

55:04 He looks at his tumblr tags for cool drawings – “Don’t get me wrong, I have fucking blacklisted everything so I don’t go insane and pull my own eyes out.”

55:28 He wants to do VYou he’s just really busy

55:39 There’s a guy on tumblr who looks like his love child - “It is quite creepy. It’s disturbing. It’s accurate. Maybe I should adopt it.”

55:53 His phone case is one that a girl painted for him. He has another one that looks like a Gameboy someone else gave to him

56:54 He doesn’t like comics. He doesn’t have the patience

57:08 Chat: ‘Are you an atheist?’ – Dan: “That’s still a touchy subject for me. I get- I get emails from people occasionally, even though I tell people not to email me cause my email address is only for business, I get emails from someone that was like, ‘I’m eight and I need to know whether you believe in god or not.’ And I just replied saying, ‘Why?’ And she said, ‘Cause if you don’t, I can’t watch your videos.’ And I was like maybe- maybe I just shouldn’t- maybe I shouldn’t address this subject. I dunno why. Other youtubers are not afraid to piss people off, uh, I’m afraid to piss people off cause I’ve been traumatised by the internet many times. So [laughs] I just- I have such a problem with offending people. Like seriously once I- I love Family Guy. I love Family Guy and American Dad, but I once was watched an episode of Family Guy where they, uh, took the piss out of Anna Paquin, and I’m a big True Blood fan, and I got really pissed off and I was like, ‘How fucking- you know, Family Guy they just- they just do the same gags. It’s like, ‘Oh this time I did this and then it cuts to it and theyre just mean to celebrities.’’ I am a big fan of Seth MacFarlane, but, uh I tweeted about them being mean to Anna Paquin and loads of people were like, ‘How dare you dislike Family Guy.’ And I was like, ‘[Ughh] Stop attacking me.’”

58:35 Chat: ‘I still love you even if you’re an atheist’ – Dan: “Wow. There should be more people like you in the world.”

58:48 Final Fantasy 7 is his favourite game and the best game of all time in his opinion

59:23 Final Fantasy talk

59:46 He liked Seth Mcfarlane at the Oscars – “People that got offended just need to know what a joke is, you know what I mean? If someone tells an offensive joke you’re not supposed to laugh at the subject of the joke you’re supposed to laugh at the ridiculousness of the words in the sentence, you know what I mean? So it’s like, uh, if someone makes a funny joke that’s a bit offensive, you’re not like, ‘Haha. Yeah. Women are stupid.’ Obviously, you’re laughing at the fact that the joke is bad. But some people don’t realise this and they like to write snarky articles about how bad comedians are.”

1:01:10 He’s not a big indie music fan

1:01:36 Chat: ‘Thoughts on Misa Amane?’ – Dan: “Okay, I’m just gonna throw this out there. I’m not gonna go outright and say Death Note is a bit sexist […] If there’s any big anime fans out there, do you find their portrayal of women a bit weird? In a bit of a kind of sexual way? I dunno. It’s a bit strange. Cause, obviously, in Death Note not all of the women, uh, most of them are protrected [sic] as quite powerful and confident, but sometimes I- I watch animes and I’m like- I dunno, it’s just a bit, like, rape culture-y. I dunno. I don’t wanna- I don’t wanna get too social commentary here, but like Japan it’s just- it’s just a bit [blergh] I dunno. It’s like why- why are you answering the door in a- a maids outfit? I get the point that Misa Amane, who’s a character in Death Note, for those of you who don’t know, it’s just- it’s a girl who’s like a model and an actress and she’s a bit- she’s a bit, uh, stupid, uh, so she wears- you know what I mean, but it’s like- I dunno, it’s a bit weird. […] I dunno. It’s strange, isn’t it? […] Social reform, guys. Come on, anime.”

1:02:46 “What about things like Sailor Moon though? Are they- are they good as girls? Are there any feminists out there? What are animes that you approve of?”

1:02:57 Chat: ‘But L and Light are pretty feminine’ – Dan: “They are to be fair.”

1:03:15 He thinks Full Metal Alchemist was “very western” he recommends it

1:03:36 He asks people what new music they’re listening to / music talk

1:04:35 Chat: ‘You’ – Dan: “I’m not a musician, Lucas. I wish I was but I stopped learning piano when I was 14 cause I hated my piano teacher.”

1:05:26 Chat: ‘Do you still want to act?’ – Dan: “#pipedream”

1:05:30 He’s been listening to Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs. Being at Radio1 makes him have to listen to the music they play

1:06:09 He asks what movies people are watching. He wants to see Cloud Atlas. He wants to see Les Mis but no one wants to see it with him.

1:08:30 He likes porridge

1:09:08 Chat: ‘Collab with Charlie McDonnell please’ - Dan: “I would love to one day make a video with Charlie. Uh, he’s- yeah.”

1:09:28 He met Jenna Marbles and accidentally touched her butt when he was drunk

1:09:36 “More youtubers are fun when they’re drunk, definitely. I think that’s the only reason why Anthony Padilla spoke to me that first time.”

1:10:06 He thinks Evanescence was what go him into alternative music

1:10:41 He mentions his drunk live show – “I’m not adverse to doing the idea again but if I drunk by my myself for the sake of being entertaining on a live show that would be a very bad example for me to set. ‘Drink alone so you can be entertaining to your internet followers.’ Don’t worry guys, I- I promise if I get accidentally drunk at 4 in the afternoon and come back, I’ll- I’ll go on younow again.”

1:11:07 Chat: ‘Get high on younow’ – Dan: [Shakes his head in disdain] “Yes.”

5:51 He asks what’s with #pineapple. Someone called into his radio show and said #pineapple and he doesn’t understand why

7:06 He made a video, edited it for a long time, and then decided to re-film. He’s done it once before. He finished the video but it looked bad so he’s not going to upload it. He’s going to make it again.

8:16 “Sometimes I just lurk on tumblr even if I don’t reblog stuff.”

8:20 People changed their twitter pictures and names to his. His friends also did it which was “dangerous”

9:27 Chat: ‘Do you miss Phil?’ – Dan: “Uhh. I like being alone cause I can eat popcorn kernels loudly by myself. Um, whenever I have popcorn- you know when you microwave popcorn there’s always little kernels left at the bottom? I like to eat those cause I’m a freak. Uh, so now that he’s not in the house I can do that. Um, however, unfortunately, I am constantly afraid that I am gonna get murdered which is why I don’t like being alone in a house. So that was funny.”

10:22 He went to Portugal “with some friends” a few years ago

10:29 Chat: ‘Why are you so paranoid?’ – Dan: “I don’t think I’m paranoid of being murdered. I just think I’m afraid of the dark and everything. So, even though I live on a busy road, as you can tell from the car alarms, uh, it’s likely there’s going to be some kind of noise outside as soon as it happens though I’m like, ‘Oh god. He’s come to axe me.’ And I’m- I’m literally just here like, ‘[Ughh].’ So that’s funny. Because there’s literally windows right there. I mean, I could, uh, I could just dive out the window if I wanted to but I’m still-”

11:04 He censored his last video. He swore a lot in it. He only censors his videos when he feels it’s necessary, where “it’s gone slightly too far or slightly too much”

12:41 He was in Florida last week and adjusted to American internet youtuber time. He’s been going to bed at about 5:30am and waking up at about 2pm.

14:02 “If you’re considering becoming a youtuber because you think that’ll be an easy, fun job, you’re right and wrong. Uh, it’s a fun job. It’s very satisfying and, obviously, making youtube videos is more fun than working at a sludge factory or something, but it’s not easy. Making videos is very long. Like, obviously, if you just turn on, like, your web cam and talk for two minutes and maybe cut it together it won’t take that long, but anyone that uses a proper camera to film their- it takes days. So people are like, ‘Why don’t you make like five videos a week?’ And it’s like, ‘Because it takes me four days to make the video.’”

14:40 Chat: ‘How long does it take you to do your hair?’ – Dan: “Literally like one minute. Like, you have no idea. Uh, I li- I get straighteners, cause I naturally have hobbit hair, and I’m like, ‘Diiiiie.’ So all my hair’s gonna fall out in 2 seconds. But- you may be- you may be surprised by this but I am actually the least metrosexual guy ever. Cause even though I straighten my hair cause I have to I don’t- I don’t understand anything. Literally, I speak to girls and they’re like, ‘You should moisturise.’ And I’m like, ‘I d- I don’t even know what that means.’ And they’re like, ‘Yeah. You should use this scrub for your face.’ And I’m like, ‘Fuck that.’”

15:23 He doesn’t like raisins

15:42 VYou died recently so he might do a twitter question and answer. He’s never done one before. He says he’ll do one now. - “Each week that we do it from now we can change it to some kind of horrible euphemism. We can get, like, placenta trending and, like, uh, arse some horrible squid porn or something like that.” He starts reading from #askdanhowell

17:25 He likes tacos but he doesn’t eat them

17:33 “Twerkinglester, which is an amazing twitter name, I’m sure Phil will love that…” [asks about music]. He mentions liking Tyler the Creator – “Before anyone that is like, ‘Tyler’s homophobic’ comes in to the chat, he’s not. That’s silly. Let’s not get into that.”

18:10 Chat: ‘Is it better living in London than Manchester?’ – Dan: “Um. I prefer living in London. Manchester was a nice, uh, little city cause it’s like one town. London is basically a collection of villages. It’s not one place, it’s like 50 places all connected with little roads, whereas Manchester’s like one huge city. So I like living in Manchester cause it was a lot smaller and I felt like I knew the place and it was nice, but then I had no friends cause literally everyone I know is living in London so- I mean it’s really cool living in a big city as well. It just means that we’re probably gonna get nuked by North Korea.”

18:46 Chat: ‘Do you dance around your empty apartment like a sassy black woman when you’re alone?’ – Dan: “I don’t know what that means entirely, but I- [laughs] I sing a lot when I’m by myself. I walk around going [makes a sound] pretending I’m Christina Aguilera. I maybe do dance. Yeah.”

19:23 Chat: ‘As you read To Kill a Mockingbird do you consider Scout an unreliable narrator?’ – Dan: “WoOaoh. Okay. Is this me doing your English homework? What does unreliable mean? That’s such a strange question. I felt for the purposes of the book he was the perfect narrator. But if you’re asking me to have an English essay criticism of it then that’s stupid because it is what it is.”

19:50 Chat: ‘Will you upload your Sea World vlog some day?’ – Dan: “Okay, right. I went to Sea World the other day and I filmed a few things. I never said there was a Sea World vlog and there probably isn’t gonna be a Sea World vlog, but I did film something very funny happen between some animals that I might turn into something at some point. But that’s not a promise. Okay? Okay, guys?”

20:40 He used twitter “for like a year” to stalk celebrities before he started tweeting. Twitter is necessary to be connected to the world.

21:17 Chat: ‘Would you consider yourself an early bird or a night owl?’ – Dan: “Hmmm. That’s a tough question. [laughs] Uh, I’m so much of a night owl that I’ve almost become an early bird just because I’ve almost done the full cycle. So, uh, yeah. I’m- I’m like a very sad worm, basically, in the early bird metaphor.”

22:23 He drove down from Toronto to Orlando when he was 5 but doesn’t remember it

22:46 He likes seeing different cultures/foods when travelling. India and Thailand are two of his favourite places he’s been. “Does that say a lot about my life that I just like food and that’s all I like?”

23:26 He leaves his room because its lagging

24:59 Slap vs smack

25:32 “My taste in films is basically good films which sounds kind of silly but it’s true.”

25:51 He wouldn’t open a PO box because he couldn’t open all his mail

26:03 cutewithchris is his favourite youtuber

26:10 Chat: ‘Did Tyler Oakley ever make you twerk?’ – Dan: “He didn’t. I’m kinda glad that didn’t happen cause me and Grace were very scared that Tyler Oakley would come up to us at Playlist and be like, ‘Twerk on camera.’ And I’d be like, ‘No. Help.’ But, uh, that didn’t happen so hey.”

26:25 He hadn’t spent much time with Tyler before but he, Phil, Jack, Finn, Hannah Hart, Daily Grace, and others went out for Tyler’s birthday and it was nice

27:02 Chat: ‘Are you classy or trashy?’ – Dan: “What? I’m probably slightly classier than trashy. What- what does trashy mean? What would I be if I was?”

28:15 He’s trending number one - “If it’s trending we have to do this every Tuesday but with a really weird hashtag. So get thinking of things that sound like ‘ask danhowell’ but have some really weird word that will make everyone scared.”

28:58 Chat: ‘Dan, are you wearing eyeliner?’ – Dan: “You’re so precious. Yes, Ellie. I’m wearing eyeliner. No. What? Why would I wear eyeliner? I’m not a 13 year old emo. Sorry if you thought I was. Have I ruined your life?”

Dan liveshow: April 2nd, 2013 - Part 2

0:08 They crashed younow because there were too many people

0:27 Chat: ‘Gah. Bring back Finn’ – Dan: “Why is Finn in the danisnotonfire room? He seemed like a lovely guy. Is it perhaps because he wants to stay around until after I’ve done my live show when you’re all still here? So he can ask for people to follow him on twitter? I’m only joking. I’m not joking. I am only joking. He seems really nice.”

0:47 Continuing #askDanHowell

1:33 Someone asks what he’s eating. He’s eating Maltesers – “Do you know who I am? What kind of question is that?”

2:39 Chat: ‘How do you know charlieissocoollike?’ – Dan: “Um. I know him because he’s charlieissocoollike. I met him a couple times and he didn’t even know who I was and then probably at some point he heard of me on youtube and now we’ve hung out a couple times. I’d like to see him more, but, uh, I don’t know why I’m not.”

3:19 He went on an unfriending spree on facebook earlier - “I went to it and I was like- they’re all people from school, obviously, and I was like, ‘I don’t- I… don’t speak to any of you. You’re all weirdos.’ And I was just sat there looking at all these people that were, like, the cool people in the year from high school, and I was like, ‘You are all such losers.’ Like, it’s so weird. People like us, when we get older, and we look back on facebook, you’ll suddenly be like, ‘Everyone is a loser.’ It’s so weird. They’re all doing such boring things with their lives.”

4:35 He deleted the tweets about younow not working because it’s now working - “I delete things cause I have an OCD”

5:23 He likes swimming but he’s terrified of the deep sea

5:43 He has a fear of “industrial things under water.” Ladders, chains, anchors etc. gross him out

6:58 Chat: ‘What do you miss from your childhood?’ – Dan: “I- well, the thing is, you don’t appreciate that you don’t have to worry about what you’re doing with the rest of your life. So, if you’re in the middle of school right now, or even if you’re at college, if you just started college then you- you have- you don’t have to worry imminently about what you’re doing for the rest of your life which you have to do as soon as school ends. So even though homework sucks and your life is surrounded by dick heads, just appreciate that you can just not have to have an existential crisis the whole time.”

7:51 Chat: ‘Which of your 10 shirts are you wearing today, Dan?’ – Dan: “Okay, [person]. Um, if you go to my youtube channel you’ll see that I haven’t worn the same t-shirt in about 4 months. If you think about that, okay, how often do you wear the same t-shirts? If I repeat a t-shirt in a video twice in a year that doesn’t mean I only own 3 t-shirts. It means that I don’t own 500 t-shirts, okay? I have many clothes. I don’t think you realise the difference between a youtuber and what a normal person wears.”

8:57 Chat: ‘Cats or dogs?’ – Dan: “I had a dog so I might be slightly more biased towards that but I love cats. I love them both. I’d like a cat and a dog. I don’t know if I would. I think I prefer dogs a bit, but I wouldn’t get a dog myself cause I’d be too lazy to look after it. Cause cats are kind of self-maintenance. They just do their thing.”

9:30 “‘Are you still terrified of people touching your neck?’ said @danisnotontime. Nice username. Um. [laughs] We’r- Let’s not get into the whole ‘I decide when my live show start’ thing. I’m joking. Um. Bah. I’m not terrified of people touching my neck I just don’t like it when people are like, [Puts his hand on his neck] ‘Hi.’ Cause it’s like, ‘Ew. No, that’s a personal zone that you’re invaded. You can’t go there.’ Um. Cause it is, you know, it’s one of those vulnerable areas. Cause they do the whole, like, ‘If a girl leaves her neck exposed it means she’s touchable.’ Or whatever, don’t they?”

10:04 Chat: ‘Do you like Sofia Vergara?’ – Dan: “Yeah. She’s like one of the most attractive females of all time. How can you not like her? Seriously, it’s so weird, like, she’s- you know who I’m talking about, right? Gloria from Modern Family hopefully. I’ve- fricking- When I got back from my flight from Florida and on my flight from- like, the day- On my flight and when I got back when everyone’s dead after they’ve come back from a flight, I watched 2 seasons of Modern Family in 2 days. So that’s 24 episodes per day. It was, um, it was a bit dangerous. I can’t believe her boobs are real. Jesus Christ. Sorry. Um. It’s just unfair. It’s unfair to men that, like, someone that unattainable could even be in the world, never mind it being unfair for women.”

11:04 Chat: ‘What is the last message someone sent to you on your phone?’ – Dan: “This is funny cause I think it’s from my grandma. [laughs] It’s literally from my grandma. Um, it says, ‘It’s Easter. Do you want to come have dinner in town? Wherever you want. xxx.’ With a lot of text speak. Thank you, grandma, for inviting me for dinner. I should probably reply to my grandma’s texts at some point.”

11:27 If he could only wear one colour socks forever he’d pick black ones - “Everyone tries to get me to wear more interesting socks…”

12:20 “It seems only yesterday that I was here just telling you I had a haircut and you’re all saying, ‘Dan. You look like a 9 year old lesbian.’ And I was like, ‘Fucsfucafucjdfa.’ Yeah.”

12:52 “Okay. This- Right. @jentimebomb said, ‘If your life depended on it would you only wear pink clothes for a year?’ That’s a bit of a stupid question. Je- Chr- [laughs] Just- Okay. Right. If my life depended on it I would obviously wear pink for a year cause otherwise I would die. That- that’s- wh- wh- wh- wh- wh- yeah. So. Hey.”

13:29 His jeans ripped at Sea World. [He goes to get his ripped jeans]

14:12 He recommends you go to Sea World

14:26 “These are my favourite jeans. I have worn these jeans almost every day for pretty much a year. Just cause I- I like them. They’re my favourite colour. They look the best. I think they’re coolest. They’re just these, uh, just black skinny jeans. [shows them] But then they started to- okay, right. Here’s the first thing. My pocket fell through. So, if you look at the inside [here] the pocket- the pocket just did [that] (Fits his whole hand through a rip his pocket). So, I was very sad when I put my phone in my pocket and it fell down my sock. And I was like, ‘Oh, shit. My favourite jeans. NoOoOo.’ But I didn’t do anything about it for about 2 months cause I’m a lazy butt. And then I noticed that the coin pocket [here] also fell through so it was going into my other pocket and then out of my sock. So I put loads of pounds into my pocket and then they fell into my sock which was great. And then there was a little rip. I’ll show you the butt rip. Um. Cause I- I- wearing these jeans all the time literally ever and then being, uh, skinny jeans they don’t react to extreme physical movement so if I run up the stairs it obviously pulls on them or whatever. So, they started to rip as you can see [there]. Um, now here’s the thing. I had a hole in my crotch for like a day but it was just a little one and no one could really notice, okay? But then I got to Sea World and there were two little whales that looked like Shamu. So me and my friend each sat on one of the whales to have a sarcastic photo of us sitting on the whales that only kids are supposed to sat to. And when I put my legs around the whale [this happened] (shows a massive hole in his jeans). Yup. So that’s- that’s my crotch rip. I’m just gonna hold it like [this]. Okay. Right. Yup. That’s- that’s- my fricking leg fell out, okay? That’s not- that’s not a little bit of a rip. That’s like, ‘Oh. Would you like to see my whole penis?’ It was like- oh seriously. So that- that was at Sea World as well. So I looked like a fricking child predator. Uh, [laughs] I’m joking, but it was great. I was just sad cause I was like, I’m not gonna- uh, okay. These jeans are from All Saints. So I was like, ‘I don’t want to replace them.’ Cause the clothes from All Saints are kind of expensive. So I only like buying, like, one thing from there. So because they were, like, from All Saints I was like, ‘Oh. I don’t wanna have to pay for them again.’ But then I got home and I realised my life is meaningless without these jeans so I bought the exact same pair of jeans. [Shows the jeans he’s wearing] These- literally exactly the same. So that’s good. Cause, um, it’s a shop that traditionally sells things for about a week and never then never sells them again. So it was- by the time I’ve earned enough money to buy a freaking t-shirt from this shop they don’t sell it anymore and they will never sell it ever again. So when I got back I was like, ‘Thaank yooou.’ [laughs] But isn’t that spectacular? I mean, like, wow. Walking around Sea World like, ‘MmM drafty.’ Yup. There we go.”

17:58 He finished a video and then decided he wanted to make it – “This is new for me.”

19:20 Chat: ‘Is the Sea World vlog the new Vegas video?’ – Dan: “Yes. [laughs] If it’s a list of things that literally will never happen, yeah.”

19:39 Next time he goes to Vegas he might film something. He doesn’t promise, it’s just an idea.

20:14 Chat: ‘One of your friends blocked me. Can you tell him to unblock me?’ – Dan: “What the friend that doesn’t know how to unblock people on twitter? Yeah, that was awkward, wasn’t it?”

20:20 Chat: ‘No, she means people would buy your ripped jeans on ebay’ – Dan: “Bloody hell. I could’ve just sold them to a pervert and bought the new ones. That was a waste of time. Okay, are there any kind of like 50 year old men that are really creepy with loads of money that would like to buy my ripped jeans? You can work out my paypal. I’m joking.”

20:41 Chat: ‘What festivals are you going to this year?’ – Dan: “I’ll probably have to work at Glastonbury and Reading now that I’m a corporate whore that works for the BBC.” He really wanted to go to Coachella when Kanye headlined.

20:42 Gets a text, reads it, doesn’t mention it

21:32 Finishes his Q and A

21:54 Chat: ‘Do a following spree’ - Dan: “No. Because I use twitter to see what my friends and favourite celebrities are up to. So if I did follow sprees then it would just be full of 9000 people and there wouldn’t be any point in having twitter. I’m sorry. I’m not like that.”

22:23 He wont make two accounts - “I’m not like that. Sorry, guys. I’m not kind of #unionjfollowspree. If my career dies, maybe one day, but not for now. I can afford to have integrity. For two weeks.”

25:07 Rebecca Black was nice. Some 12 year olds were angry that he had a selfie with Rebecca Black

26:38 Chat: ‘Why is your tumblr weird though?’ – He talks about youtubers tumblrs. Some are multi-fandomed, some are promos for themselves. He wanted a ‘normal tumblr’ – “So, as it happens the things I want to reblog on tumblr are, like, naked Asian people, and dogs doing really weird things, pictures of Kim Kardashian. Things like that.” He’s referring to the normal use of tumblr.

27:56 Someone in the chat compliments his Damien Hirst t-shirt. - “Thanks. I feel- Damien- buying Damien Hirst merchandise- doesn’t that kind of ruin the whole point of art? It’s w- you know. Here’s me questioning the own morality of buying art- artists merchandise t-shirts. But, hey, isn’t that art in itself? No, it’s not. I hate it when people do that.”

28:55 Chat: ‘Dan, do you ever shut up? I don’t believe you that you said you’re shy’ – Dan: “Okay, two things. I’ve never said I’m shy. I’m quite confident and articulate, but I’m also prone to doing incredibly socially awkward things. Those are separate. I’m- I’m not shy but I am very awkward. And 2). If I stopped talking then this would be very boring cause it would just be silence. Um. Usually, when a youtuber does this and they calm down or they’re just chilled the chat’s basically, ‘Are you sick? Are you tired? You look really bored. Why are you so-’ and it’s- [laughs] Can’t do that. Trust me. Trust me.”

29:56 He’s trending on twitter again

30:12 He doesn’t want to read the Game of Thrones books

30:22 Chat: ‘Do you ever feel uncomfortable knowing you’re being watched by so many people?’ – Dan: “No. Not really cause I think of it as just a bunch of individuals watching me on their laptop. So that’s- it’s not like one big room, you know what I mean?”

30:32 Chat: ‘How does it feel that most of them are young?’ – Dan: “All- Everyone on youtube is young. I have, um, an average subscriber age than, like, everyone which is weird. Uh. Thing is with youtube, you- just- you make what you want to make, you put it out there, and then whoever watches it, watches it. And obviously there’s more teenagers on youtube than there are twenty-somethings cause they’re all busy working and being boring. So, hey.”

30:36 Gets another text, checks it, doesn’t read it

31:19 Chat: ‘Daily Grace ain’t boring’ – Dan: “Where did that come from? I love Grace. I hung out with her for several days in Florida, and she got me absolutely wasted off vodka about 3 nights in a row. Very irresponsible woman. I’m a young, impressionable guy and she just kept giving me vodka and soda until I couldn’t walk. That’s what youtubers do when they hang out if you were wondering.”

31:46 Chat: ‘Shout out to the twenty year old viewers woow’– Dan: “Yeah, this is the weird thing, right? Even though obviously the majority of people on youtube are teenagers, because I have… so many subscribers it means that there’s hundreds of thousands of people that watch me that are over 20. Think about that. I think- I think it’s like- I can’t- it’s either- it’s- it’s at least two or three hundred thousand of the people that are subscribed to me are over 20. Which, you know what I- when you put it like that, that’s like, ‘Woah.’ There’s probably like- I bet there’s 50,000 over forties watch me somewhere. I’d like to know who they are. That would be funny. And suddenly everyone that’s just been lurking is like, ‘I’m 21! Ayy.’ When it’s our birthday we’ll all realise how old we are and how we’re all dying. Seriously, if- I- I- in my opinion, you know how people say, ‘When you’re something teen you’re a teenager, and then all of a sudden you’re an adult.’ I don’t think you’re an adult until you’re, like, 25 in my opinion. Cause, obviously, teenager is named after whatever teen the number, but it’s also, uh, you know, what it means to be at that certain stage in your life. I think people should be considered children until they’re- No offense, 15. This is just going from what I remember my life to be like. And then kind of like 15 to 25 is teenagers and then you’re an adult. Kind of. Maybe. Literally. Like, I remember being 18 and I was like, ‘[Gasp] wow, uh, I’m a grown up now.’ No. I was a child. I’m still a child.”

33:34 Chat: ‘I’d say 21 is an adult’ – Dan: “But it’s not. Ser- like, seriously, you’re still so young when you’re 21. Seriously. Everyone I know that’s up to the age- okay, right. Everyone I know up to the age of, like, 26 I’d say is still just a- a young person, you know what I mean? Not a proper adult yet.” For reference Phil is 26 at this time.

34:14 “So just cling onto your youth cause we’re all children forever. Or we can all be like Taylor Swift and pretend that we’re 12 for the rest of our lives, cause, I mean, I’m sure that when Adele’s 90 and she’s making an album called ‘90’ Taylor Swift will still be writing teeny break up songs so we should all be more like Taylor Swift. Basically. Cause it’s a mental thing.”

34:40 He likes Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift had a down fall.

35:27 Chat: ‘Taywhore’ – Dan: “Wooah. Nothing wrong with a girl having lots of boyfriends. Well, unless you’re gonna write break up songs about all of them. I’m joking. Let’s not go on about it.”

35:59 “God. Everyone is still- guys. Just peace and love. Stop talking about Taylor Swift. This is- It’s a fight and I don’t like drama. So let’s stop talking about Taylor Swift. I met Taylor Swift. She was very tall and pretty.”

38:28 Chat: ‘Is it true you and Phil aren’t making videos together anymore?’ – Dan: “What the fuck are you on about? When- [shakes his head] No. Don’t believe people that make up random shit on the internet. Everything is a lie. I learnt that from just being on the internet so long. [Picks up his jeans] Um. Yup. Wow. That’s- I could have been arrested. There were just children in Sea World, weren’t there? And that’s- that’s a lot of thigh on show.”

Dan live show: 2nd July, 2013

0.24 Chat: ‘Prank call Tyler Oakley’ – Dan: “I don’t think I have his mobile number so that’s not gonna happen, unfortunately. I could prank tweet him but then he probably wouldn’t notice cause I wouldn’t have to do it from danisnotonfire. Oh dear. The sadness.”

0:39 Dan: “3 people said they’ve never been to one of these before. Oh god. Pressure to be interesting.”

0:57 “Oh god, I just twe- Oh my god. I- What I tweeted is totally gross. Oh no. Oh that’s so gross. Oh god. Look what I just tweeted. I said ‘Uncle Dan’. D- I shouldn’t refer to myself as uncle that makes me sound like an internet sex predator. I should tweet that. Oh no.”

Tweet: “@danisnotonfire: i am liiive! Come have a chat with uncle dan…”

Tweet: “@danisnotonfire: omg no that sounds like i'm some kind of 50 year old internet sex predator i take that back”

1:55 “I was forced to go outside to meet somebody. So that was fun. A bit scary. It involved me getting dressed. I realised I wear pyjamas pretty much 24/7 because if you’re not living with, um, you know, parents, or friends, or flatmates that you feel are judging you, you get dressed, whereas I never get dressed. So it was rare that I actually put on jeans that I’m- I’m currently still wearing. [shows his jeans] There you go. There’s- there’s my crotch. That’s good. No hole in it. Yet. Which is the most exciting that’s happening in my life at the moment.”

4:44 Chat: ‘Drunk’ – Dan: “Are you? Are you really drunk watching my live show? That doesn’t sound like a fun evening. That doesn’t sound like a, ‘I just got back from a night out and now I’m watching this.’ That sounds like, ‘I’ve been drinking at home by myself and now I’m watching your live show and crying.’ I hope that’s not the case cause that’d probably be why I’d be drunk at Tuesday on 9.”

5:07 “Have we forgiven me for the uncle thing? I can’t believe I said I was an uncle on twitter. I didn’t think that through. Sit on Uncle Dan’s knee whilst I get arrested.”

5:24 He doesn’t understand how opposite seasons in different hemispheres work

7:13 [He tweeted the wrong link] - “If you guys aren’t here to point out my flaws then I just wouldn’t be able to learn from everything and I’d just be a walking train wreck.”

11:16 “Someone said I’ve lost my southern accent. Every word with an ‘a’ in it I’ve lost my Southern accent, but then I still sound kind of, uh, obnoxiously articulate with every other word, so it’s a good- it’s like an Australian person that’s been living in England for two years, or like a British person that’s moved to America for 2 years. It’s just a weird train wreck somewhere in the middle.”

11:45 He still hasn’t played The Last of Us

12:02 He wrote down the most interesting thing that’s happened to him this week because he always forgets

12:39 Radio show talk. For the past two weeks the Dan vs Phil challenges have been the ideas of people they work with and they’ve been really physical. (Sleeping bag caterpillar racing & wellington boots obstacle course) – “That was it. That was the limit, okay? I- I was so done with that. It was- it was so horrifically demeaning that I just- I put an end to it. That’s just the end. So it’s gonna be absolutely no physical exertion from now on cause I’m- I’m not fit enough. I could die basically.”

13:42 He likes chocolate milk but he doesn’t buy it because it’s bad

14:04 March-July has felt so long to him. “I honestly feel like I’ve aged by 400 years just in the last 3 months cause time is so slow which is good cause as young people we’ll just be, uh, cr- instantly depressed as soon as we hit 29, so, um [laughs] about our youth. So let’s just enjoy how slow and depressing life is at the moment.”

15:14 Animal Crossing talk – he shows his character and his town. It’s easier to play the game than do the activites in real life. – (16:46 – “Although, earlier I said that it was responsible for making people furries and then I realised that actual AnimalCrossingUK follows me on twitter, so that’s awkward. I implied that, um, it gives people alternative sexualities which is probably not what they wanted me to say. Oh well.”

17:03 “Have we all seen, um, Phil’s last video? If you haven’t, uh, el compadre amazingphil and me have been in a video together on his channel going through his tumblr tag which is pretty funny, and, um, I’m thinking of making one myself. If you haven’t seen it then you should go watch it on his AmazingPhil channel, but, um, yeah, I’m thinking because lo- like loads of people in the comments are like, ‘Daan. You need to make one.’ I- I might make a video e- specifically I’m gonna cut out all the nice stuff. Just all the, you know, blah blah blah, go straight past all the shit storms, and the conversations, and the, um, reaction gifs, and just go straight to the horror. Just all the most terrifying and creepy things. I think it- it would be good. Cause I’ve liked most of the terrifying and creepy things so that would be good.” He’ll scare all the people who don’t go on tumblr.

18:05 He was sitting on a Thor ball earlier. It isn’t his, he guesses it’s Phil’s. “It wasn’t up my butt.”

18:59 “I lost my butt virginity to Thor’s face. There we go. That’s- that came out of my mouth just then. Okay, there we go.”

19:21 “Casual Thor rimming on a Tuesday morning.”

19:37 He’ll upload the tumblr video on Friday night

19:57 Skins talk

20:44 “‘Can I be your prom date on Friday?’ said somebody. Probably- no. Probably not. I’m- I might be busy on Friday. Plus, I don’t know who you are and I’d probably get arrested.”

21:08 Chat: ‘Are you still doing the SAP?’ – Dan: “Me and Phil, uh, will just do seasonal specials of the SAP, but we stopped it to do the radio show because we basically took all the ideas and made them better like internet news.”

21:22 He’s going to a vegan restaurant tomorrow – he asks what to expect. “Will everything be made out of soy? What happens if a vegan is allergic to soy? What do they eat? Cardboard. [audio cuts off] What a hell that would be to live. Being lactose intolerant would be like hell for me just cause I’m only- only things with horrific amounts of fat in them…”

22:18 “So, yeah. That’ll be fun. Vegan restaurant. Don’t know why that’s happening. Cause I have funky friends that are into t- [laughs] like I have friends.”

22:41 He tried to cook tofu once and it went horribly wrong

23:13 He saw a mouse. It went away for 2 months but it’s back now – “Yeah, saw the mouse. Uh, I might just kill it. Don’t know how. And then cry about it afterwards. I figure I could just somehow capture it and then pray to Jesus afterwards cause then I’ll feel better.”

23:57 Chat: ‘Anthony and Kalel thoughts?’ – Dan: “It’s like the youtube royal wedding, Anthony and Kalel. I’m so happy. I hate them cause they’re so happy together. Um, I think we should all hate Anthony from Smosh and his girlfriend for getting engaged, because they’re so wonderfully happy. Uh, but I’m- ultimate cuteness. I think I died when I heard it happened.”

24:21 “Yeah. So that happened. In Japan of all the things. God, no one can top that, can they?”

24:29 He doesn’t wear chap stick and his lips are always chapped. – “And then you guys like to point out how chapped my la- lips in the winter cause I just look like I have a menagerie of vaginas across my face. Which is a horrific mental image. That’s- that’s incredibly disturbing. But, yeah, that’s what my lips look like in the winter cause I don’t wear chap stick. I probably should.”

25:02 “On Sunday, um, me and Phil were just lurking in the Radio 1 building before our show and I think The Wanted just happened to be there cause they were doing something for the- the chart show that they were on before, and we heard that they were coming into the room as we were leaving the room. I did not want to meet The Wanted. I never- I never- you guys might want to meet your favourite pop stars. I never want to meet my favourite pop stars. Even if I saw Matt Bellamy from Muse, I probably wouldn’t go introduce myself to him. A). Because of my crippling social awkwardness and B). because it wouldn’t improve their day in any way. It’d probably just be an inconvenience to them. So, uh, I just- they wouldn’t- we- we figured The Wanted won’t know who me and Phil are so we don’t want to have to awkwardly introduce ourselves to them. So we thought, ‘Okay. As soon as the door opens we are just gonna dart past them with our heads down and just avoid all awkwardness.’ So, we left the room and then Jay McGuiness from The Wanted was like, ‘Dan! Oh Phil. By the way, I like your youtube videos.’ And I was like, ‘They’re talking to me. Okay, this wasn’t expected.’ And by then I’d, like, I’d run across the half the room so this was like awkward shouting, and I was like, ‘Oh really? Cool. Thanks.’ And then Phil was like, ‘Dan, he just said that he likes our videos, we should say hi.’ So then I turn around and they’re still walking away as we’re still walking away and it’s really awkward because they tried to talk to us and we just ran past them. So we thought they wouldn’t want to talk to us but then they tried to talk to us and we just ran past them and ignored them and then couldn’t hear them cause we were on the other side of the room. And then I think it was Nathan and Tom were like, ‘Yeah- watches your videos.’ And we were like, ‘Okay. Cool, thanks.’ And it was so awkward because we just ran past them and ignored them and then tried to desperately salvage the end of the conservation after ignoring them. So that was- I spent the next two hours just pacing backwards and forwards at just ignoring half of The Wanted sentence and then trying to shout the rest of it at them as they went through a door. Ohh my life is just, um-…”

27:17 “I like meeting you guys because, whether you think you believe it or not, you guys usually aren’t very awkward. If I ever bump into one of you it’s usually, ‘Hi. I watch you on the internet. How are you doing?’ As opposed to meeting The Wanted which made me want to cry. So that happened.”

28:02 He met One Direction and only freaked out afterwards

28:27 He’s asked Krave for a Krave challenge

28:56 Chat: ‘Pewdiepie’s moving to the UK’ – Dan: “No he’s not. Is he? Is that a thing? Fangirling. He definitely doesn’t know who I am.”

29:24 Brighton is a nice place to live – “See unlike all this media wankers that need to live in London to be in on the scene, a gamer who just makes gaming videos can live in the country or somewhere really nice where they don’t have to be connected. [laughs] Cause vloggers, and people like Freddie Wong and Tomska, they need to be where it’s happening so you can collaborate with your friends and be where youtube is and now everyone’s telling me- I mean, you know, if you’re just a daily vlogger or a gamer you can actually move to a nice area of the country where old people go to die.”

29:59 He went to Brighton once because he had a friend who went to uni there

30:04 Brighton is the classy version of Blackpool. Blackpool is hell. – “It’s like if someone took a nice seaside town and then there was the kind of post-apocalyptic or, uh, Nazi alternate universe version of the same town, basically. Sorry if you live in Blackpool but it’s literally the worst place I’ve ever been. Hey, I came from Reading. That was a dump.”

30:53 “Again, sorry if you live in Blackpool. It’s not personal, I was just very terrified the one time I went there.”

31:08 He asks people what places they think is hell

31:12 He thinks Calais in France is hell

32:04 “Cause I swear to god, I come- I came from this town called Wokingham which it was in a magazine, it’s supposed to have, like, the highest quality of life out of anywhere in England. I don’t- I did not get that from going there. If you went out on a Friday night in Wokingham you’d definitely get stabbed, or mugged, or just thrown things at. So I don’t like to think what the rest of the country’s like if that’s supposed to apparently be the- I think they just mean, like, the air is healthy or something. Oh dear. It’s funny how some people look back on the places they grew up as beautiful, idyllic, peaceful places and I’m just like, ‘Jesus Christ. Literally never going back there ever. Except for Christmas maybe. [laughs] Or if I have to for someone’s birthday. Oh dear.”

32:49 Chat: ‘Manchester’ – Dan: “I love Manchester though. Manchester was a really nice city. I guess the outskirts of Manchester can be pretty rough but the town centre of Manchester gets the- gets the official Dan sticker of approval. It does indeed.”

33:16 Selfridges had an 80% sale the other day and it was good. He bought a bunch of t-shirts that were on sale

33:35 “A lot of people like to complain that I always wear the same t-shirts. I don’t think you realise how often you wear the same clothes. [laughs] If I make, like, like, a bunch of videos in a month and people are like, ‘You’re repeating t-shirts.’ I know. Think of the environment, guys, I can’t wash everything.”

33:58 Chat: ‘You buy expensive clothes, Dan’ – Dan: “The key is to only ever buy things when they’re on sale. Even if you buy things from, like, Target. Do Target sell clothes? I don’t know what I’m on about. Macy’s or Topshop. Just don’t- don’t not buy things if they’re not on sale. Cause seriously.”

34:19 “I find it really funny whenever I see someone that’s like, ‘I like Dan’s style.’ I don’t have sty- What? I don’t have style. I’m just like, ‘That’s black and has a picture of a dog on it. Okay, I’ll buy that.’ That’s- that’s my fashion thought process. ‘It’s black. Okay. I’ll buy it.’ I’m like a funeral that slid into a tar pit. That’s- that’s what I like to describe my fashion as.”

34:51 He got a leather shirt and then he found out Connor Maynard has one too

35:07 Guess the crime

36:21 Somone mentions Shane Dawson re-enacting smut fiction - “I love Shane Dawson. Uh, he is obviously one of the most influential youtubers of all time and when I was starting youtube Shane Dawson was one of my influences, um, in ways. But I- I find it funny that it’s like he’s just discovered fanfiction. It’s like, ‘Okay, Shane. About 2 years later than everyone else but I’m- I’m happy for you that you’re just discovering the world of fanfiction.’ And good for Joey Graceffa. God, I love Shane.”

37:53 The name ‘danisnotonfire’ came from his lolrandom phase

38:16 Chat: ‘What’s your relationship with Tomska? – Dan: “We’ve had a secret affair for many months. I like Tom. We don’t see each other very often cause he lives on the other side of England but yeah. I like Tom. Friendsies.”

38:45 Chat: ‘What happened to danisnotinteresting?’ – Dan: “My side channel isn’t meant to have updates on it. It’s just- it’s there as and when I can be bothered to make something that’s appropriate for a side channel. I had, uh, thoughts of making things on my side channel but then when I got a radio show and decided I wanted my danisnotonfire videos to be good I’m not gonna have about 8 channels like iJustine. Also, I’m incredibly lazy. This is what you need to remember. You can’t- you can’t come into my life, you can’t let me into your life, you can’t subscribe to my channel, or like anything I do without accepting me as a person. And accepting me as a person means appreciating the fact that I am incredibly lazy and the worst procrastinator you’ll ever meet. I mean usually when I’m terrified of the wrath of an angry mob of the internet if I don’t upload something on time, that will make me edit the video until 5am until it’s up instead of delaying it, but just- just remember that I’m- I’m the worst procrastinator that’s ever lived. Ever. It’s just who I am. My sense of humour wouldn’t be the same if I was an efficient person. I feel like we’re all made for each other.”

40:57 “I think it’s worth emphasising again that I don’t particularly like referring to my subscribers as ‘fans’ unless they want to. That’s- you know, it’s beautiful thing about fandoms is if someone wants to identify themself as in a fandom that is a beautiful, wonderful thing and I appreciate and love that person, but if someone’s an individual and they don’t want to be called a fan then that’s cool. You’re just a- a person on the internet watching my videos.”

41:36 He hasn’t watched Hannibal yet. He’s not sure if he’d like it. “I only like the best things ever.”

41:54 Chat: ‘What would you name your subscribers?’ – Dan: “Uh, I used to say that my subscribers can voluntarily refer to themselves as ‘danosaurs’ if they want. However, collectively when we’re doing something that ruins the world in some kind of way, I like llamarmy. The only army where you’re not required to do anything other than click once cause I appreciate the mutual laziness that I share with my audience.”

42:38 A bunch of people gave him anime to watch for his birthday, he’s started to watch those

43:10 “Uh, whether- whatever your sexuality, gender, age, or creed is it- it seems wrong to not think that David Tennant is sexy. He’s just one of those people. You know, whether you like it or not you just need to appreciate that he’s a sex god.”

43:34 He likes all music - “Cause my parents were quite young they listened to dance-y music […] I literally like everything. I mean, I- I think- I don’t know why, whether it’s just, like, me or cause of my parents, but I listen to…” [all genres]

44:12 Chat: ‘Do you watch Game of Thrones?’ – Dan: “Yes. It’s probably my fave tv show. Uh, Phil got me all of the Game of Thrones books for my birthday so I’m gonna start reading them so I don’t pull of my skin in anticipation.”

44:58 He gets zits but he just doesn’t get close enough to the camera

45:08 Chat: ‘Imagine if a fanfiction about you came true’ – Dan: “Um, I’d probably film it and get lots of money. Sell it on DVD.”

45:21 Favourite colours: white, gold, black

45:31 Chat: ‘You should watch Teen Wolf’ – Dan: “Isn’t, like, Teen Wolf- Can a guy watch Teen Wolf? Or is it just hot guys getting shirtless? Cause I don’t- would I appreciate Teen Wolf in the same way that you’re probably appreciating Teen Wolf? Cause whenever I see pictures of it on twitter or tumblr it just looks like loads of hot, like, topless guys getting changed, and I’m like, ‘Would I- would I really enjoy this TV show in the same way that you lot are?’ Hmmm. I dunno.”

47:07 “I got my ears pierced in an alternative way rather than kind of like a chavy-check-out-the-bling kinda way which is why I just wear black circles. I would have got my ears stretched. I really- I really, really wanted to get my ears stretched but, um, I’m still not convinced that stitched up ears look good, and I’m just- I’m a pussy basically. [laughs] I didn’t- cause as you guys know who know my life story when I was going down the whole I’m-totally-gonna-become-a-lawyer route, can you imagine being a lawyer with a big stretched ear? So that’s why, uh, that didn’t happen. That was the motivation behind it cause I’m- I’m totally hard core. That’s me. Swagger than Kanye West and more hardcore than Metallica. Yeah, stay inside and have no social skills.”

48:04 He made his aunty and grandma watch the Moulin Rogue video

48:29 He tells the story of making them watch the Moulin Rogue video

49:36 He asks what is with the flower crowns. He doesn’t know where it’s come from

49:58 He gives himself a quiff

50:38 He stopped Dan mail because he felt it wasn’t fair of him to receive so much mail and not be able to reply - “Cause that’s how morally righteous I am. I’m the Nelson Mandela of youtube post.”

51:03 Chat: ‘Do you live with Phil?’ – Dan: “Yes cause we like the same tv show and food. It’s funny thinking about how many of your friends it would just go horribly wrong if you lived with. For example, uh, there’s- I mean how many of your friends do you think it would be great if you lived with and how many friends do you think you’d hate each other instantly and never talk to each other again after living them- living with them for about a week? So, uh, lucked out there.”

51:41 There’s going to be a Sorted Food video with him and Phil eating frogs legs in it

52:15 He left his shoes in France. He’s forgotten to ring the hotel about them so they’re lost forever

52:51 Chat: ‘What’s your thoughts on phan?’ – Dan: “I think that fanfiction is a great hobby. I’d rather my daughter was into reading and creative writing than snorting crack. So, [laughs] I mean, seriously, when all these people talk like, ‘Is it right that young teenage girls are writing sexual fanfiction?’ What was your mum doing when she was 12? She was probably looking at porn magazines she found in the woods. At least we’re reading the porn instead of looking at it, you know what I mean? It’s a classier form of teenage inappropriate sexiness.”

53:45 “I think I- I was- I was the last in the generation- cause, uh, obviously now there’s no inappropriate magazines- well, you still get them on the top shelf. S- who buys saucy magazines these days? Like, how awkward must it be to be like, ‘I’m gonna get over 60s XXX from 7/11 and just hand it to the lady behind the thing.’ It’s like what? Seriously. Much easier to open an incognito window and google boobs these days. Thank god for the internet. But I did actually find a dirty magazine in the woods once when I was like 10, and I was like, ‘Oh my god.’ And then it only happened once and now it’s just pop ups that are probably hidden minimised.”

54:32 Chat: ‘That’s what self-service is for’ – Dan: “Yes, Ellie. Although, some places like garages don’t have self-service. God help us all. How did people buy condoms and stuff? Seriously. What a- like, they- it’s so hard. People were like, ‘Okay. So I want to be a responsible human that uses family planning.’ But then if you factor in social awkwardness I bet so many people risked pregnancy just because they were literally too awkward to hand the relative things to somebody, you know what I mean? I think, more than anything, birth control has been helped by self-service checkout in Boots in England. Basically.”

57:25 Pugs are cute but it’s a shame their faces are crippled because of years of inbreeding

57:46 “I think in many ways the internet ruined the world for this generation’s teenagers and famous people whose entire lives will be plastered across the internet with no context whatsoever. But then we’re all connected and we’ve got skateboarding cats and it’s all worth it. I mean who cares if the American and British governments are downloading all of our facebook messages. At least we’ve got the skateboarding cats. That’s fine. The world is definitely better because of the internet.”

58:29 Chat: ‘My mum says you’re cute’ – Dan: “Call me, [somebody’s] mum. You don’t have my number but you can- you can find out my contact deets. If you’re not in a happy family relat- homewrecker over here. Check me out.”

58:42 Chat: ‘You look about seven’ – Dan: “I know. I’m- I’m gonna look my age in about 3 years. I’ve always been three years behind. Don’t worry if there’s any late bloomers here that, uh, are in a bunch of six foot tall all boys schools and they look like a midget. I was- I’m- I’m literally 3 years behind. Intellectually, mentally, and physically. So that’s- yeah. People are like, ‘I have Gandalf beards in, like, the 7th grade.’ And I’m like, ‘Yeah, okay. I- I still have the face of a 10 year old.’ That’s cool. I should appreciate it before I’m 40 and I’m crying.”

59:33 He uses American terms because everyone will understand what they mean

1:01:19 Chat: ‘Do you get much hate?’ – Dan: “I don’t actually get much hate, um, cause I take the piss out of myself so there’s nothing left for people to laugh at. [laughs] If my- if my entire youtube life is basically based around me saying all the awful things that happened in my life and asking people to laugh at me, then there’s no room left to mock me because I’m inviting people to mock myself. It does wonders for my self esteem. It really does. At least you guys often relate to it.”

1:01:54 He doesn’t want to get a tongue piercing. He’d fiddle with it too much – “Like some crazy perverted lizard.”

1:02:18 Chat: ‘Do you like piercings on a girl?’ – Dan: “I like whatever you wanna do to your body. Unless it’s like reptile transplant. That’d be a bit extreme.”

1:02:27 Chat: ‘You’d look hot with a lip ring’ – Dan: “And a lot of people think I wouldn’t look hot with a lip ring. That’s just how the world works.”

1:02:42 Chat: ‘Can you do any impressions?’ – Dan: “Yes, but I’m afraid of the critique of the internet.”

1:02:46 His phone wallpaper is the IOS ocean wave

1:03:23 “If I don’t make a video with Tyler Oakley while he’s still in London I promise I’ll definitely make one in LA. Needs to happen. And a few other people. I really wanna make a video with Anthony at some point. Maybe some kind of Dan and Phil/Smosh crossover. Who knows? The possibilities are endless.”

1:03:45 Chat: ‘What kind of straighteners do you use?’ – Dan: “Totally heterosexual question. Uh, I use GHD’s cause they’re the only things that work. I just used to have an awful life when I was 14 and I didn’t wanna look like a hobbit and I could only afford, like, 2 pound hair tongs from Boots that just made me look like a burnt waffle.”

1:04:08 John Green knows who he is. He’s excited to meet him at Vidcon

1:04:30 Chat: ‘Do you want to get married some day?’ – Dan: “I like to think so.”

1:04:35 He looked at his youtube stats and discovered over 45% of his subscribers are 18+ - “Everyone likes to make 12 year old girl jokes but turns out there’s some crusty cooches watching my youtube videos.”

1:05:15 “Shout out to all the ladies watching me right now. But, uh, hey to all the young twenty-somethings who are empathising with my existential crisis’.”

1:05:32 Chat: ‘You are a good influence’ – Dan: “Am I, Olivia? I guess- yeah. Okay. I’m encouraging writing fanfiction rather than snorting crack is something I said earlier so I guess that’s a- that’s a good moral.”

1:05:47 His youtube age is 99

1:06:06 “If the internet police are stalking my web history I am- I am gonna have a rough future. Seriously. It’s not gonna be good.”

1:06:58 He’s going to make a tumblr tag video “because everyone wants [me] to.” It’ll be as worrying as he can make it.

1:07:54 He does live shows every Tuesday unless he’s busy or, “[he’s] just really sad and [he’s] too busy having an existential crisis to do one.”

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Reason:put video under spoiler for ease of page loading

You are all saints (or just demons who love torturing yourselves). I've been watching a fair bit of early liveshows these past few months, even though it's not good for my emotional well being. Making time stamps of even the nicest videos is a bit of a headache for me, so combining the two is a bit dangerous. Still there is one I've been wanting to do, because despite it being painful, I find it fascinating, especially Dan showing his wardrobe. I want to analyze it like literature, which I know is not really fair. At first I was only going transcribe three moments, but I figured why not do the whole thing. I put asterisks next to the parts I feel are most interesting.

So without further ado, I give you, the first liveshow after the second V-Day video leak.

Dan's Nov 7th, 2012 YouNow

0:51 How do you warm up an audience physically?

1:27 Beginning of "bath" pronunciation theme

2:04 Winter is coming. "I care about the environment. That's just how cool I am. Not really, cause I have to pay for heating."

2:35 Stayed up watching the US election. Went to bed at 7am, got out of bed at about 1pm, didn't have lunch until half four, as the sun was setting.

3:15 Obama won, yay.

3:25 "A 'D' in physics? Doctor Who would not be proud."

4:14 Mock exams, story about not caring.

5:33 He thinks November is his favorite month.

*5:45 "Look how tidy my bedroom is. What's up- let's take a moment to look at how much carpet there is. Not a single item of clothing on the carpet. Wow Dan, why is your unfinished bedroom so tidy? Um, I have a secret, that I might not want to confess to you guys, (long pause) but I feel like we're close enough, so you can see it. I dunno what do you guys think? Do you think I should show you? Or should I be ashamed and keep my secrets to myself? Because I had a guest over today, and when you're having a friend over that's never seen your apartment before, you should try to tidy your bedroom so that they don't think you live in a pig sty of an apartment. (Gets up off the bed) Um, so my room was kinda a bit messy, just cause video filming and costume changing is quite- you can't tell anyone what you're about to see, okay? (Walking over to the wardrobe) My guest, who hopefully isn't watching this. Oh there you are, livechat-ception. (Opens the wardrobe) Um, yeah that just, uh (something falls) oh god, yeah, that's that, and under here is just a solid cube of clothes. So I can't, as you can see, physically open or close this wardrobe, because it might explode. Don't, don't, no, don't, I mean like literally, if I need to find some fucking socks tomorrow, I am fffffucked. But yeah, that's, uh that's (laughs) oh dear, it's not good. It's not good. So yeah my, look how tidy my bedroom is! I'm so organized- just don't, *don't* go in there. I'm actually quite impressed, actually. I feel like I'm, uh David Blaine (an illusionist) or something. (Not sure what he says next, something dead). So yeah, very good. I feel like, I should- I should get some kind of prize, cause I feel like I've done something very impossible, by *managing* to fit that many clothes into it. Someone said 'shame on you', no, not shame on me (laughs)".

If that isn't a metaphor for what was going on at the time, I don't know what is. I find it curious that he says his room was messy because of filming and "costume changing", not life.

7:40 Discussion on what people call hoodies around the world.

8:36 "'Vegas video.' I know right? I should just-"

9:19 "Maths vs Math"

10:10 Gaming, Guild Wars nerd "creepy" shrine

10:35 "No one knows what tbqfh mean." (To be quite fucking honest, it's not that difficult to figure out)

12:45 Power Puff Girls. All those cartoon shows on CN are too frickin weird. "Filling my brain with poop a sponge." (Agreed)

13:25 Excited about The Hobbit, nostalgic over score. Nostalgia section is in your head not heart, "has nothing to do with blood circulation does it?"

15:05 All California girls squirt whipped cream out of their bras.

16:20 Used to skate as a teenager

*16:55 "Well tell your cat, she can call me. Or a he, I don't really mind, either way, a cat, yeah."

17:20 Discussion on violence in tv. (Jim was the friend that came over.) "I think it makes things cooler, I don't know why. Maybe I'm just slightly sadistic or something." Game of Thrones, Quinto Tarintino.

19:03 Playing Left for Dead with friends on X-Box Live is the best.

*19:09 "I'd make a gaming channel, but that would mean I can't do anything else with my life and I like my danisnotonfire videos where I talk about things. danisnotonfire videos where I tell stories and share opinions."

19:55 Side channel is taking a back seat to Super Amazing Project.

*20:36 Movember "I feel like my general physical and mental age is two years lower than my actual age. So like, I have most- like a lot of people that are my age can probably grow proper facial hair, I can't, I'm still a frickin child, cause I think I'm two years behind and it's like when all my friends were like 'uh yeah I'm sixteen and I'm into like cool stuff now' I was still really immature. So yeah, that's what I think. But no, if I tried to do Movember I'd just look like one of these teenagers in The Simpsons, basically. So uh, no. Maybe I'll do Movember in five years, when like I'm actually uh, a proper adult, biologically."

(I find this most interesting for the mental maturity. Also it's five years later. Get ready! No, I know he's added another ten years to that recently.)

21:31 "Me and Phil are like the only people who like the Saw films cause we actually like the mythos of the Saw universe and it's a shame that uh like four slash five of the seven films are just fricking awful. Cause they are."

*21:47 Top Gear is like his fave, spins this into diatribe about him liking manly things. Asks chat to list stereotypical manly things, in the U.K. "Cause I'm into cars, I like watching Top Gear, I'm into Ray Mears, I like you know, people surviving in the wilderness" would like going to gym if he wasn't lazy. "Boobs, yeah, that's goo- (laughs) that helps. Yeah, no I'm just not into sports I think, I'm more into music than sports, but dats just me. 'Mustaches'. Yeah, I'm *into* mustaches. 'Death', Louise W said. 'Getting a woman to make you a sandwich' yeaaah! (shakes head and laughs).

23:00 A Levels: English Literature, Geography, Law, Psychology and General Studies.

26:40 Mean Girls references. "Lost in a sea of chick-flicks and gifs."

28:14 "So we've established that I'm not a member of the male species cause I can't do Movember yet. I'm not a really man. Maybe if I get lost in the forest and have to wrestle a few bears and just survive by eating bark for a month, maybe I'll come back the ability to grow facial hair."

*28:40 "Yeah but I was- my, my YouTube chum, who you all know, apart from like five people, Phil, was NOT HERE THIS WEEKEND cause he went to visit his grandparents on the Isle of Man. So I spent the whole weekend alone. A bit convinced that I was going to get murdered every second, cause after the uh, after the last liveshow we do where we talked about scary stuff, I've just been reading conspiracy theories and creepy pasta, like every night and I've just gone to bed pooping myself. Even though I can literally like see a road outside my window, been over this, swan dive into a taxi, I could do it, no. Someone said 'Dan's a loner', I could have used this opportunity to see other friends, but instead I thought it would be a good opportunity to stay inside and do nothing but browse internet for three days straight, it was good rehab actually. I felt like I was a bit overworked, needed some downtime, so I literally stayed inside and ate loads, for three days. And it was kinda fantastic, to be honest (laughs)."

(So Phil was gone the first weekend of November (maybe the 2nd-4th?) Right after the second leak, yikes.)

40:50 Muse is "lazy answer to question that is hard to answer." (After talking about liking all bands.)

41:33 Sherlock survival theory, he's so confused about what he remembers "did something with the science lady". Johnlock references.

43:18 Tangent about Frankenstein

*43:45 "'Are you having a secret affair with Delia Smith?' It's not very *secret* if you *talk* about it. *Do you have no respect for my privacy?* God, think of Delia and what she's going through. Jesus. (laughs)" (Cries.)

43:56 "'Do you love Will a Young?' That's a bit random. Will Young's cool." (He said that very defensively)

44:11 Seeing Firefly is on his to do list. (Did they ever get around to this?)

*45:20 "Alexander F., who's a *boy*, wants to know am I gay. No, I'm sorry if you're gay, and you want me to be, just ah, rohypnol me, then who knows what will happen. And if you're just a teenage boy then don't worry, you're (laughs) if you're a homophobic teen boy- in fact teen boys aren't really privat- homophobic are they? It's like twelve year old boys. It's a shame, that school is like that."

46:00 "How to (laughs) 'how to make Dan get with a guy: ruffie him, then who knows what will happen', said someone in the chat. Basically, yeah. As if ruffies are things that people can just get behind the counter. 'Hi, yeah I'd like some, uh paracetamol and some date rape drugs', 'Here you go, lol, three dollars.' (laughs)"

This is the saddest thing, on multiple levels. I don't appreciate the humor at all.

46:26 Law at University story. Internet Hobo.

47:11 Horrific German sentence with a wink.

47:17 "Yolandi Visser from Die Antwoord is probably in my top five most attractive females. And I'm not sure whether I should be attracted to her or whether I should just think she's cool, I dunno, something weird's happening, but I'm not going to deny it. I pretty weird se- Emma Watson, and Yolandi Visser from Die Antwoord in the same top five ladies, strange guy." (Add to this Tilda Swinton, Anne Hathaway and Jennifer Lawrence right?)

48:18 Hope Ke$ha is "as skanky as normal."

48:45 "'Dan do you wear makeup?' No, (laughs) what make up do you think I'm wearing? Yeah I'm wearing some like MAC green eyeshadow right now. Uh I only put a bit on so it looks like I have big eye bags from staying up all night on the internet. It's actually intentional. No."

49:30 "'How is your laugh so manly?'" Does imitation of different laughs in videos, Hugh Hefner reference. Needs bubble pipe. "Oh internet, you make me chortle."

50:00 "I'm going to watch Death Note with Phil after Full Metal Alchemist."

50:10 Saw Muse, "probably the best live band on the planet".

*51:15 Rant about "me and 'Steve'" will say what he wants. Danisms. (Lol, Steve)

53:05 "I'll go bother Phil to make the Phil fangirls in the chat room pleased. As I know that a good chunk of my subscribers like Phil. I'll indulge you."

59:35 "I showed people my attempt at "hiiiding" my mess. Which was basically my cube of clothes."
"Ohh, I haven't seen that, is it really bad?"
"It's a disaster."-
"I was like Dan, how did you tidy your room in three minutes?"- Phil
"It's bordering on nuclear genocide."- Dan
(Yeah, let's not talk about the differences between holocaust and genocide. Thanks, Phil.)

1:00:00 Phil asks if he can make a formal introduction of himself. Dan says everyone knows who he is. Phil counters that he has a much smaller audience on YouNow. Dan says it's because he posts it all over social media fifteen minutes ahead of time. Phil promos his channel anyway and says he made brownies with Dan last week.

1:01:25 Pronunciation of "bath, grass" Phil's "southern-northerness". Note that the majority of their joint part is spent on accents. I'm not going to mention all of them.

1:03:50 Dan thinks he should do pronunciation audio books, if YouTube career ever fails because he offends Jesus or something, which is likely. Phil imitates Dan. Dan says he sounds like an English woman. Phil says that's what he was going for.

*1:06:10 Chat: "People ship Anthony and Dan."
Phil: "Danthony."
Dan: "It's pretty much twincest isn't it?"
Phil: "You do look the same. Though people do-"
Dan: "From certain angles."
Phil: "People are attracted to people that they look like."
Dan: "Are you implying I'm secretly gay for Anthony."
Phil: "Yes."
Dan: (laughs) "Plot twist!"
Phil: "I must be gay for the guy from the Lorax."
Dan: (who started to make a different suggestion) "Yeah. Phil, stop being gay for the Oncler."
Dan: "You're so gay for the Oncler Phil."
Dan: (cupping his hands to shout) "Gay for the Oncler!"

(Phil mentions Christian Novelli, which I think is who Dan was going to say. Seriously, Google him, it's scary. It's way more than just the hair.)

Switch to Nutella pronunciation.

1:09:07 "My grandparents are Ferrero-Rochers"- Phil
"They *are* Ferrero-Rochers?"- Dan
"Mmhmm."- Phil
"Plot twist."- Dan
"Try breeding with that."- Phil
"Try breeding with a Ferrero-Rocher."- Dan
(I'm going to assume this is just a random Phil statement, like saying his mum's a lobster, as his ancestry didn't check out as Italian.)

1:09:22 Dan answers for Phil that he's obsessed with Steven King.
"I was a dark child, I started reading them at an early age."- Phil

1:09:40 Nostalgic for Manchester Christmas Market. If Phil went back there would probably be people waiting with sacks and vans to kidnap him.

1:09:55 Dan doesn't know what a Starbucks red cup drink is, because he always goes *in* in a Starbucks and has his in a mug.

Whew! Half of me wants to slap him and the other half wants to make him tea and tuck him into bed. I'm so glad I only started watching their liveshows at the beginning of 2017. I would have been out of the phandom fast if I was around back then. I am proud for them growing, but damn,

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Reason:put video under spoiler for ease of page loading

1:14 Chat: 'American Horror Story?' - Dan: "Haven't watched it yet. [Ughhh] I'm gonna wait for Phil to get back as he's the person that introduced me. It's only right that we watch it together."

1:34 He shouldn't be trusted with fire. He doesn't really know how his gas fireplace works

1:57 He posted a video last night, he asks who watched it

2:17 His rubix cube mug distracted people in his video and he contemplated whether he should have kept the mug in it - "I'm talking about life and I'm holding a cup of tea but then I think it was kind of funny that I make a really deep video about the universe and 95% of the comments are, 'Wooow. Your mug looks like a rubix cube.' So, [laughs] that worked as planned. Thank you very much."

3:09 He explicitly promised a video on a specific date. He was sure he'd have it up on Friday and promised a leg waxing video if it wasn't. He didn't upload it on Friday so he's going to do a leg waxing video. He could have uploaded it if he didn’t sleep but wanted to think about the video longer so he made the decision to not upload it. - "I could have but I didn’t and that’s what matters. So, uh, yeah. I might DM Zoe or Lousie, Zoella or Sprinkle of Glitter, and get them to inflict the pain on me. I was speaking to Zoe today actually so that might be- she was saying she wanted a reason to hang out so there we go. I can hang out with Zoe and she can inflict some pain on me maybe. That would- that would be amazing. [laughs] So, yeah, look forward to that at some point. Obviously, I'm gonna have to wait for whoever, Zoe or Louise to be available but don't worry guys, it's gonna happen."

5:34 His day has been okay, he’s cold

5:40 Chat: 'Dan, a collaboration, finally.' - Dan: "I know, right? I'm, like, I'm as anti social on youtube as I am in real life. Basically. [laughs] Every youtuber collaborates with freaking everyone in the world all the time and have- I- I think I was thinking, I think phil is the only person I've collaborated with in the whole of 2013, and he doesn't count, okay? So, the last time I collabed with people was, uh, fantastic foursome, Chris and PJ, in December, and then Carrie in November, and then Jack and Finn in October. Can you believe that, uh, does Cat count? Nahh, she just helped with the- you guys believe that it's been a year since my video with Jack and Finn? What happened to the time, guys? What? What happened? That's crazy. I don't know an entire year has gone since How to Speak Internet. Insania.”

6:42 He was in videos on other people’s channels but not on danisnotonfire

7:03 Chat: 'How are you enjoying being all alone?'- Dan: "Yeah. So, you guys might not know that, uh, [laughs] cause that- believe it or not, hard core subscribers, there are some people out there that don't know everything about me, and I always love seeing people on youtube suddenly realise that me and AmazingPhil live in the same apartment. Like, I'll just see someone comment on my apartment tour video from like six months ago and they'll go, 'Oh my god. Wait. Do you live in the same apartment as AmazingPhil?' And I'm like, 'Yes.' [laughs] So, if you didn't know that, yeah. And, uh, he's been in Florida with his family- ugh, I don't need a hood, I'm gonna bake to death, um, so yeah, I've been by myself which has been kind of fun. Uh, I- I don't- cause people keeping asking me, 'Do you miss Phil?' And it’s like I don't- I don't know how much I miss AmazingPhil particularly as opposed to how much I- I really do prefer having two people in the house in case I get attacked by a poltergeist or an axe murderer breaks in, cause at least then there's a 50:50 chance that Phil might get murdered if he's in the house. So, it's mainly the not wanting to turn off any of the lights at night. The electric bill will be very expensive [laughs] at the end of this month because, you know, poltergeists - they won't attack you when the lights are on basically."

8:26 "I had to do the radio show by myself which was funny. Just standing in a void but I didn't want- the people at Radio 1 were like, 'Uh, it should just be you.' And I was like, 'No, I- I don't want it to just be me so Phil should be in the show so I made sure that- actually, [mmm] is it a nice gesture of me to have made sure that Phil was on the radio show on an iPad or was that actually really mean of me because I took time out of his holiday making him doing the radio show? Wow, I thought that was a, uh, a nice gesture but maybe I just interrupted the time he could have kept playing Pokemon..."

9:12 "Phil is in Florida oh holiday. Playing Pokemon, visiting shops called Yolo, living the dream. So yeah..."

9:25 He ordered Pokémon x and it should arrive tomorrow - "As soon as I start playing Pokémon X the life that I don't have will be ruined."

10:03 Chat: 'How's the existential crisis going?' - Dan: "So, yeah, my new video. I made a video cause I always reference, I always make jokey references, to the fact that I’m constantly having an existential crisis and everyone’s like, 'I- I don't really don't know what you're on about.' So, I thought that for once I could just do it and I'd say I had, like, I- I say that I- I usually have a giant existential crisis where I go, 'What is life?' about every two months so the last one I had was just before VidCon I was like, 'What is life?' And then I kind of like just got really busy and forgot in September but then I had one again, and then I realised that my video that I just uploaded last night and my 'The meaning of life' video and the 'College dropout' video the year before that, were all uploaded within, like, the same three week period. So there [laughs] there must be something about autumn that just makes me want to have a mental break down. I think. Yeah, that's cool. But I'm fine now. I feel like, uh, I’ve finally come out of the existential crisis cave by making a video about it so that's great. That's cool." Recommends people watch his video.

12:38 "Maybe I have seasonal affective disorder,' said somebody. Ah, maybe, but I love Christmas."

13:26 “Isn’t [Lorde] like 16 or something? How depressing is that? Or inspire- inspiring. We all remember what I just talked about in my new video. It’s not depressing that Lorde is 16 and she’s an international pop star. It’s inspiring. Cause we should be excited about life like that, yeah? Not at all depressing about what we’re doing with our lives.”

Part 2

0:35 Chat: 'Dan, what do you smell like?' - Dan: "Uh, a girl tweeted about a Lush shower gel called Twilight, a girl that I know, uh, and I looked it up on the website and it looked really cool and I was like, 'I don't mind buying a bit of a girly product.' So, I ordered this shower gel from a store called Lush called Twilight and it smells like freaking nebulas. It's amazing. So, that's what I smell like if you wanna go in and sniff a bottle of that but I don't encourage sniffing things."

1:13 All his favourite shows are coming back - American Horror Story, The Walking Dead, Agents of Shield, Homeland, Bake Off

1:46 Chat tells him that tomorrow is the 4th birthday of his first video - Dan: "Is it? That's cool. Shout out to Hello Internet. It's a terrible, terrible video but shout out to you. Yup. Super cool."

Part 3

0:36 [Talking about younow kicking him off] - ‘It’s like the tea in my new video. Who cares about Dan talking about the universe when he’s holding a cup of tea that could spill at any second. That’s like this.”

1:12 Agents of Shield talk. He thinks it's okay but it's cheesy

1:55 Chat: 'Dan, if your internet breaks again you should come to my house and do the show’ - Dan: "Thank you, ominous paedophile in the chat. I will not take you up on your offer but thank you. I appreciate it.”

2:37 “If you just arrived younow booted me off twice. It’s probably my internet connection but I choose to take personal offense to it instead. Of course. Obviously. It’s discrimination. It's cause I have ears, younow are earist.”

2:46 He hasn't fixed his piano yet

3:00 He's excited for the Teen Choice Awards - "Me and Phil aren't up for the [vlogger] award because we’re giving the award. It would be very awkward if me and Phil were up for an award at the Teen Awards and then we got on stage to present the award, opened the envelope and said, “And the winner is me. And then confetti explodes over myself.” He's excited that a youtuber will win an award.

5:51 He discusses the One Direction drama - "That was like the most stupid thing ever […] it made me very, very sad about life."

6:10 "I would say that at the moment Harry Styles is a- is one of my role models, okay? I look up to Harry Styles and he's such a great guy. Harry Styles is such a fantastic role model for everybody, okay? Including myself. I look up to him...." He discusses the One Direction drama. Something about paparazzi.

6:49 [Louis Tomlinson wrote #papsaretwats] "which is fair enough. I mean, If I was a popstar and I was in Australia and I wanted to enjoy the day but I couldn’t cause there were a bunch of stalkers outside that wanted to take ugly photos of my face, that would make me sad."

7:30 "Personally, I think that pop stars do have a right to moan about being stalked by paparazzi cause I think that would be annoying.”

8:54 "This is why I look up to people like Harry and Nathan cause everybody’s being all dramatic, Harry Styles, ladies and gentlemen, he gets the most hate, you know, Harry, he gets all of the- all of the bad press and the tabloids talking about how ooh he likes to sleep with all these women and stuff when really he just- I mean, look at his twitter, he’s just the most chilled out nice happy guy ever, in the face of all this drama, and he’s just chill. He's happy. He just, you know, he doesn't pay attention to any of that and he just enjoys life. And then everyone else who don’t get nearly enough, uh, people being mean to them as Harry does, yet they’re all dramatic and dramatic, and that is why Harry Styles is a good role model, ladies and gentlemen. It’s like all the, you know, everyone’s drama with The Wanted and stuff, it’s just like guys, come on. That’s so unprofessional. […] I was like, I just wish everybody would be more professional and more mature. Because, you know, when all these things are happening, I just feel sorry for Nathan from The Wanted for just being all- all chilled out and stuff. So, I just think we should all aspire to be more like, uh, Harry. Cause, I mean, he seems happier, doesn't he? I mean, all these other people being all dramatic about things, the people that are just chilled out and aren’t paying attention and are just being chilled and enjoying life, they seem like the happiest people. So, we should all try to be like the happy people. Basically.”

10:36 Chat: ‘Dan, opinions’ – Dan: "It's not really opinions. I just think that everybody needs to chill out and be happy.”

13:05 Someone asks about Kpop - "I'm like a typical, uh, white western person that is a KPop fan that’s probably less of a kpop fan than an actual kpop fan but still knows quite a bit about kpop.”

13:43 Chat: ‘Do you believe in ghosts?’ – Dan: “Uh, well, I don’t- okay. I don’t believe in ghosts cause ghosts are like see-through people. Uh, I’m not afraid of ghost’s cause ghosts and demons are kind of like the same thing, you know, like in horror movies. Ghosts and demons are, like, they’re in the same- we’re in your house throwing your things around kinda category. I don’t fear ghosts or think that they exist. I am afraid of the concept of evil monstrous demons yet I 100% don’t believe that they're real. So, uh, I’m- again, I’m afraid of something that I literally 100% don’t believe actually exists. Which is great, you know, that’s my life in one sentence.”

14:48 “Maybe ghosts are real but because they can go through walls, every ghost that has ever been created has just been pulled by gravity to the centre of the earth. So, the centre of the earth is just billions of dead ghosts that have been trapped in a ball of molten lava for however it’s been since the dawn of time when they died.”

15.26 Chat: ‘That explains Hades’ – Dan: “Uh yeah. You know, that is the underworld theory, isn’t it? Maybe the Romans were right. Or was it the Greeks? It was the gr- the Greeks, wasn’t it? With Zeus and people. Yeah, I should know. Fricking me, a massive nerd when it comes to Greek mythology and I’m asking whether Zeus was Greek.”

15:51 Age of Mythology is the best PC game ever

16.20 Eastern vs Western RPGs

16:30 Final fantasy 7 is his favourite video game of all time but he spent 1/6th of the last year playing GW2. JRPG's discussion

17:12 Chat: 'Do you like Asians?' - Dan: “I- I don’t not like Asians for any reason.”

17:28 He’s afraid of what chicken nuggets are made of

17:58 He's not a comic book person

18:08 He went back to his Harry Potter phase of his life.

18.39 Last night he read his Game of Thrones book all night until 6:45am

19:44 He doesn't get GTA5. He played it for a bit but didn't like it

20:23 He ordered Grave of the Fireflies, Brokeback Mountain, and the Notebook. He's going to watch them. He bought them cause they're good.

21:41 The only 'favourite question' he can answer is that his favourite game is Final Fantasy 7. He can't answer favourite book, movie etc

22:44 He thinks the production of Eminem latest songs are lame

23:39 Chat: 'Why have you got a hickey?' - Dan: "I haven't. Did you see the, uh, the red mark on my face in my video? I don't know what that- I filmed it- there was a bit in my video for like 5 seconds right near the start, right near the start, where I’m in the office pretending to be someone not knowing what an existential crisis is and I had this, like, I had this red patch on my face which you can still kind of see now and I don’t know what it is or why it’s there. hopefully it's not a tumour or something.”

26:43 Someone asks about the creative process behind his videos. "A sudden instant moment of inspiration." He elaborates on this for a while. The event/idea comes to him, he has a brainstorm, has thoughts and opinions and jokes and sketches and then he tries to organise those into a coherent story

29:16 He used to script his videos for the first year. He says you can tell. He thinks it's better to waffle than to script them

29:52 He spent about 25 hours scripting his existential crisis video

30:55 Someone asks for an uncut video. He says his videos are virtually uncut he just cuts out the ‘ums and ahs’

32:24 He puts milk in his tea

33:29 He picks up Phil's drawing note book he uses in live shows for the drawing game. "Is this what Phil does in his live shows? [...] I need to pretend that I watch Phil's live shows now."

34.03 He plays the drawing game

38:45 "Now [the drawing] is totally edgy. Edgy is the worst word ever, isn’t it? Describing something as edgy ironically instantly makes it lame. Don’t you find that? Whenever anything’s described as edgy or someone’s like, ‘this is so edgy.’ It’s like not edgy because it’s- it’s lame as it is.

41:01 He shows the finished drawing. He compares his drawing to the last one Phil did in his last liveshow.

42:32 "God, he’s so dreamy. I bet people are going to start writing Augustine fanfiction now. The time Augustine [the drawing] went into Dan's bedroom when he was asleep. Dan was afraid because even though Dan doesn’t believe in demons he’s afraid of demons. However, the astounding presence of Augustine forced Dan to compromise on his values and start believing in the supernatural. That’s the first 30 seconds of our new tv show.”

43:03 He shows it and asks if anyone wants to draw fan art of it

44.03 “Someone said Augustine is a girl name. [holds up the drawing] Um. I- I just feel like male, you know, man? Male. Mm.”

44:25 Chat: 'Put it on your fridge' - Dan: "I- I should. When Phil gets home I'll be like, 'Phil, Phil, Phil look what I drew and put it on the fridge. Yup. There we go. That's what our friendship is like."

44:53 He has a video with PJ coming out soon

45:07 Louise and body milk. He didn’t know what body milk was - “I went to a shop with a friend and she bought some body milk and I didn’t know what body milk was. I thought it sounded a bit weird. Like, milk that comes out of your body.”

45:25 Phil is not on fire when Phil gets back from Florida

45:46 He hasn't been tweeting a lot lately because his phone died and the internet on it doesn't work

Dan liveshow: 14th January, 2014

0:13 Everyone’s typing placenta in caps lock – “Thank you. What a good way to ease me back into what this is like after a few weeks of not doing it.”

1.15 One word how viewers are doing

2.31 “These things are quite funny because I don’t think that younow is ever an accurate representation of what any one is like in person or what their personality is like cause it’s very specific and weird just staring at a webcam and looking at a chat and being the only person talking and it kind of makes you freak out and be weird. So, as long as you know that for anyone new that this is freaking-out-weird-Dan as anyone would be on younow. Then, that’s- that’s cool.”

3.13 He has been making two videos. A danisnotonfire video and he’s making a trailer for his channel - “My channel doesn’t have a trailer and everyone keeps telling me that I need a trailer for my channel. So, I’ve been like, ‘What the hell do I do for that?’ And I’ve been making one, cause like Phil and Alex Day and, like, all the vloggers and everybody has a trailer…” and he doesn’t. He has spent the day in front of the computer trying to make it

4.04 Mentions that time he unplugged the computer in a live show (his second ever live show)

5.13 Radio show talk. They just made the radio show documentary on happiness

5.32 “Part of our, uh, illuminati blood agreement when we joined the BBC was that they wanted us to make 3 documentaries cause all the people that have shows have to do documentaries so they were like, ‘Do a trilogy.’ So, we were made to do, like, these two documentaries on internet dating and one on staying safe online, um, which were good, and we- we had the opportunity to make it a bit creative, but this one was one that me and Phil kind of made, which was good. Um, so, yeah, we made a documentary all about happiness.”

6.27 They went to frolic with kittens but they also had to do laughter yoga. He talks further about the laughter yoga.

7.20 He got custard poured on his head because he lost the Dan versus Phil. It ruined his hair

8.34 Sherlock talk. It went by too fast after waiting two years.

9.44 “Without, uh, expressing any kind of opinion whatsoever because I don’t do that, um, [laughs] yeah, no, uh, obviously, as someone that generally has a positive attitude about everything in the universe, um, I liked Sherlock. And it did ruin my life heavily in several ways…”

10:18 He liked that Moffat lied about the events of the show before the release. He thinks everyone should lie rather than spoil anything

10:35 He got his mechanical keyboard for Christmas. He talks about keyboards.

11:34 Calcifer new years story - “An incident happened the other week where, uh, we have a little plushie fire creature [he shows a google image of it] which we had in the fire and Phil set fire to it on new years day. So, we had a few people at our house. Crazy party. Not exactly. Um, and the first thing that happened literally in the morning of new years day as soon as everyone had woken up was Phil turned on the fire with our little furry toy on it and basically nearly started a fire in our apartment. So, it was-it was very dramatic. Out of the corner of my eye, just this giant yellow flame, and I was like, ‘What’s that? Oh, yup. That’s my- that’s my plushie in a giant ball of flames.’ And, um, yup, we all nearly died. I had to chuck it in a bowl of water. So that was good, yeah. That was a traumatic incident. Start the year as you mean to go on. Totally.”

15.23 He messes with his hair for while – “Sorry. I never look at myself before I go on camera on these things and then I spend the rest of the time going, ‘Oh man I look like I just fell through a hedge.’”

15.44 The Brit Awards people watched their videos and asked them to go to the show and make some videos for them

16.26 They were invited to the nominations event - “It was cool but it was a bit, um, yeah, no, it was cool, it was just that, like, me and Phil, uh, we don’t really want to be presenters, you know what I mean? Cause, like, me and Phil, we like making things. We’re content creators, you know? We like being creative and then making cool things that we like to entertain people. We’re not like really wanting to be presenters like people who kinda just, like, stand and read things. And they made us do this intro video where we basically said who we were and why we were there and it was- it was a bit cringe, cause they were like, ‘Read this kind of script thing.’ And I was like [baaggh]. So, um, if any of you were judging me for that I’m sorry cause it was a bit gross, but, uh, me and Phil get to decide what we do for the actual Brit Awards with these videos as opposed to just kind of, like, asking random people behind the red velvet rope stuff, so, uh, pretend that awkwardness didn’t happen and it should be cool, but we, uh, get to ask for suits which is amazing.”

17.28 He asks what brand of suit he should wear. He thinks both Burberry and Primark would turn him down. A person he knows told him they’d help him decide

18.14 Cheek patch mention – “It’s my skin”

18.32 Chat: ‘A full leather suit’ – Dan: “Yeah, that’s what I should ask for. I should find someone that makes a full leather suit and then walk on and I’d be like, ‘All of the cows died.’ No, I’d- I’d feel a bit gross. Probably be very warm wouldn’t it as well.”

19.00 “So, yeah, life generally. I mean, yeah, like, it’s been a transitional period. I don’t know about you guys but I’m someone that really kind of overemphasises the importance of dates. So, for me 2014 wasn’t just kind of like the next week and then a number changes on the calendar. For me, every new year is like, ‘Yess. It’s the next chapter. It’s the next book end in my existence.’ So, 2014 for me was like, ‘Right. I’m gonna think about my entire life and then starting 2014 everything’s going to be totally different.’ Turns out that Christmas and New Year kind of prevent you from doing anything like that, so if you haven’t done it by the time 2014 happens then you need to do it at some point, but, um, no, it made us think about things. Cause, um, 2013, h- how were your 2013s, guys? As we haven’t spoken about these things…” he takes opinions from the chat.

20:11 “Um, so, my 2013 was, I mean, any way you look at it, it was definitely the best year of my entire life generally speaking. So, great, yeah. Yay for me. But it was so crazy. Like, I was just so busy the whole time, and the thing is, is, like, um, I was thinking of making a side channel video talking about this in depth but, uh, I just- I was so busy that I didn’t- what I wanted to do was I never feel like I’ve ever had a period in my life where I just make loads of videos because I’ve either been just doing youtube as a hobby that I don’t really care about, well, I say don’t really care about, but I mean not just like ‘youtube is my life.’ Um, or, like, not doing the Super Amazing Project, or the radio show, and so me and Phil have been thinking about, like, the radio show and everything that’s happening with that we had to make some decisions, uh, but basically, um, we have a lot of free time now that I’m just gonna spend on the internet productively, um, so, yay for me being less busy.”

21:43 Chat: ‘What eyeliner do you use?’ – Dan: “Are you being sarcastic, [person]? See this- [laughs] the joy of this is that in the chat I never know whether it’s someone who has been watching me for a while that is being ironic and making a kind of in joke or whether it’s someone that has never watched one of my life shows before that thinks I’m wearing eyeliner. Um. Just in case, I’m not. But you can- you can- it’s best not to ever joke because the internet is just a terrible place for all kind of communication.”

22:28 He doesn’t like poptarts

22:42 Personal trainer talk – it went well for January and February. He exercised a lot and he went a couple times in April and May. Then he got too busy for it. He meant to go back but he was really busy - “So, I got kind of fat in July. [laughs] But then I started again in September. So, like, September/November I got back on the exercise, and then I was kind of busy again in December with kind of, like, all the happiness documentary, the Christmas and the video, and the everything. So I- I give myself a 3/10 for the exercise.”

24.06 He loves food. If he could, he’d order take away every night

24.31 He has eaten goat before. It’s chewy

24.55 His Japanese vocabulary is increasing as he watches more anime. “I feel like I’m really starting to kind of understand Japanese teen culture. It’s so funny, it’s like they- they have, like, their own words for basically like crazy fangirls and feels and stuff like that. It’s just the- the slightly Asian odd version. “

25.28 Television talk. He’s going to start watching Teen Wolf, AHS.

26.29 He saw American Hustle – “I feel bad for Jennifer Lawrence. It’s almost like the pro Jennifer Lawrence circle jerk that’s happening on the internet cause she’s so popular is so popular that people are almost gonna get tired of hearing about Jennifer Lawrence just from people constantly saying how much they love her. So, I’m scared for Jennifer Lawrence. I hope that she doesn’t get so popular to the extent that everyone talks about her and then it gets annoying that everyone loves her so much. Which, you know, if that’s the main problem happening with your life then, I mean, what does that say?”

27.09 “I was totally heart broken when I watched the Golden Globes and I was like, ‘Ooh. There’s Jennifer Lawrence in her belt-y white dress who’s- who’s that? Oh, it’s Nicholas Holt. I guess he’s invited to the Golden Globes cause he’s a mega- oop. They’re kissing. They’re kissing. Okay.’ Dead inside. Dead inside. Not only does Jennifer Lawrence have a boyfriend but he’s a successful British actor that used to live where I lived when I grew up. [laughs] All my dreams are dead when I look at Nicholas Holt. So that’s fun.”

27.38 Award show talk. He loves watching awards shows with friends.

28.54 Dan mail is dead. He doesn’t want to get letters that he can’t read and respond to

29.23 Leg waxing talk. “I wish- if I knew how funny that would have been I would have done that in my bedroom and probably put it on danisnotonfire.” He thought it would be a random thing. He learnt the lesson that if he’s suffering for a video he should put it on his main channel

29.52 Someone asks about what books he has been reading – “I read the Stranger by Albert Camus. Probably means nothing to any of you.” He read the first Game of Thrones book, and he read Mocking Jay.

30:13 Mocking Jay tweet. He pissed off a lot of the HG fandom. Other people began attacking each other in his replies.

31:32 Phil bought him a plasma ball and a face mould thing for Christmas. He doesn’t trust the plasma ball.

31:52 “If you didn’t see, uh, mi compandre the amazingphil made a video and in it he showed the plasma ball and I touched it. I don’t- I don’t I trust it. I mean, it’s nice. I think it’s a really great, cool gift and I love it cause it’s- it’s a talking piece when people- when friends come round to your place and it’s cool to look at but I just I don’t- I don’t understand it and I don’t trust it because it makes your fingers smell metal-ly. And it’s really loud. And I just, you know, I’m sure it’s fine…” he’ll touch it when he understands it.

32.40 “Oh god. Just thinking about how Jennifer Lawrence and Nicholas Holt probably fell in love on the set of X Men. Cause that’s obviously how it happened. That must have been so magical and perfect for them.”

32.57 AHS talk

33.35 “I use Instagram all the time I just that i don’t really go outside or do anything interesting. [laughs] That’s the truth. That’s the truth. It’s like I will take an Instagram if I’m doing something interesting and I feel comfortable enough in that situation to take one but most of the time, I mean, what I- what- if I were to make new year’s resolutions, one of them would be post more photos on Instagram, cause I’m aware that like most people are like, ‘Agh, here’s my lunch.’ On Instagram. Um. I maybe need to care a bit less about what I’m posting cause people just wanna see things. Um. Yeah.”

34.16 Chat: ‘Why don’t you like to express your opinions?’ – Dan: “I might make a video about that one day. It’s quite interesting.”

34.55 Anime talk – “There’s a genre of anime called Shoujo which is basically like romantic comedies aimed at girls kinda. But then my- I- I- I like looking at best of lists and you guys were like, ‘Oh you should watch this. You should watch that.’ But then a couple of my guy friends- I was like, ‘I don’t wanna watch something that’s too, like, 14 year old girly.’ And then they said that Oran Highschool Host Club is, like, a really funny, amazing anime. And it’s so funny. It’s amazing.”

35.46 Playlist confirmed him for the event before he’s actually been asked

36:30 “I’ve spent two weeks sorting my life out in various ways…” he’ll upload soon

37.14 Brief Justin Bieber drug talk

37.41 He likes to eat and watch things

37.47 Food is everything to him

38.44 Chat: ‘How did you celebrate you graduating college?’- Dan: “Do you mean university? Because I- I didn’t graduate. I dropped out to become a full time internet hobo and have an existential crisis for a year, um, which was quite fun and probably the right decision.”

39.26 Chat: “Indian Christmas, what was it like?” - Dan: Uhh fun. Warm. Did I- Did I tell you about the dent? Did I tell you guys about the dent? On my phone? Did I tell you guys about that? Cause if not, this is like, when I should probably tell you guys something about that. I’m just gonna- gonna wait for the chat to go. ‘No,’ said one person. No. Okay. Fun. Uh. Where the hell is my phone? Did I forget…”

39.50 [He yells at Phil to bring his phone] – “Um. This is not how I talk to my friend all the time.”
Phil [offscreen]: “Yeah?”
Dan: “Can you bring my phone in here?”
Phil: “Where is it?"
Dan: “Um, I dunno. On the sofa? Um… yeah. So- so, I- I basically- I dented my phone. Um. Phil’s busy, I’m just ruining his evening. Uh, basically, I was on the phone. To somebody. Um, and- In India. And I was just pacing up and down in the gardens in my hotel in India. And I was on the phone, when, uh, I was just standing under a tree, and this- It’s- it’s literally as horrific as it sounds. A spider fell from the tree down the back of my shirt. I mean, some of you guys know this, and I threw my phone because it was- it was awful. So, it went down the back- yeah, some of you know, some of you guys don’t know, so for those of you that don’t know, in India, horrible spider literally falls down the back of my shirt. I throw my phone at a rock, um, and basically my brand new phone which is on a pay as you go contract which I intend to keep for about 4 years now basically has a- a dent in the corner. So, if an iPhone usually looks like [this], it now just has, like, a triangle in one of the corners. I don’t know why- I went, [screams]. So, I don’t know why, if a spider descends on you, my immediate reaction was to throw my iPhone, but I did. I literally- I just- I threw it at a rock. Um. [laughs] And I basically was just like [buuhk]. Um. And that was- it was literally as horrific as it sounds. In hindsight, it was quite funny. Um. Yeah. ‘An attercop.’ Yeah, I got attacked by an attercop. I got attercop’d good.”
Phil [offscreen]: “Dan?”
Dan: “You found it? Thanks”
Phil: “It was in your room”
Dan: “How busy are you? Cause I- I just grabbed you”
Phil: [enters the show] “Uh, 80% busy”
Dan: “80% busy
Phil: “Hello liveshow”
Dan: “You’re wearing glasses”
Phil: “I’m wearing gla— Don’t look at me”
Dan: “Did you put your contact lenses in wrong?”
Phil: “Yeah. My eyes are all sore today”
Dan: “Fact. Um, uh, so where- where is it? I can’t find it”
Phil: “You can’t find the dent I just searched for”
Dan: [holds phone up to screen] “Yeah, can- Ooh. Can you- can you- Mm. Yeah, well that’s as close as you’re gonna- Do you see that? It’s- yeah. That’s a gross little nub on my phone”
Phil: “It was very funny from my perspective when all I could hear was-”
Dan: “What was I talking to you about? Something boring, wasn’t it?”
Phil: “Yeah.”
Dan: “I was like, something radio- radio show and then-”
Phil: “I was having to edit Ariana Grande or something”
Dan: “That was it. We were talking about that- the Connor Maynard and the Ariana videos and- [laughs] What did it sound like when I threw the phone?”
Phil: “He was like, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, alright- [Ahhh].” And I was like, “Dan? Did you die? Did you get stampeded by an elephant?”
Dan: “Yeah, I died. Basically”
Phil: “Did you get attacked by a mosquito?”
Dan: “Giant spider on the back of my shirt”
Phil: “Giant spider. There was just silence. Silence”
Dan: “Odd silence, unexplained silence. Okay. You just heard screaming and then silence?”
Phil: “Yeah, it- it was screaming and then silence. I was wondering if I should-”
Dan: “You must’ve thought I actually died. Yeah”
Phil: “-Call the Indian police.
Dan: “Call the Indian police”
Phil: “The Indian ambulance”

43.06 Phil bought a USB glitter lava lamp

43.32 Dan makes a mould of Phil’s face

44.00 Phil leaves

44.29 He plans to collab with people this year - “The only person I actually made a video with in the entire year was Phil who basically doesn’t count and before that it was Jack and Finn in November 2012, like Jesus Christ, Dan. Can you be less anti-social? So, um, yeah. I mean, as long as I can think of an idea that isn’t a fucking whatever challenge I will make videos with, uh, youtubers. Cause they want to too I just don’t text back cause I’m the worst human alive.”

45.45 Can you drive?’ – Dan: “Yeah but I don’t drive cause I live in London and my parents sold my car when I was at university without telling me. Sad fact.”

45.52 Chat: ‘DailyGrace’ – Dan: [laughs] “I was- I was very- I was deeply offended when Grace didn’t ask me to send her a clip for her come back. I was like, ‘That’s- that’s okay. That’s fine”

46.11 He used to rollerblade

46.49 Fall Out Boy talk

47.30 There aren’t enough bloopers for pinof 5 to make a video. He thinks the pinof 5 video was “pretty perfect”

47.48 “The reason I changed the title of ‘hot sexy phantastic action’ to ‘some bloopers from Phil is not on fire 4’ was because I thought that going into the future I would have some bloopers from Phil is not on fire 5, and 6 and so forth. So, I guess if I don’t upload them then that was a bad decision.”

48.34 Dylan Sprouse has a funny twitter, he followed him the other day

48.56 He has never ridden a horse

49.34 He dislikes tomato, cucumber, fishy fish and celery

49.51 He hated broccoli as a kid and he would put it in his mouth and then go spit it out in the bathroom but now he really loves broccoli. Taste bud talk.

51.05 He remembered that Gerard Way followed him on twitter “and I had a bit of an internal break down”

51.14 Is Vlogging Art? – “I just make youtube videos. I’m not an artist. Or am I? let’s- lets write an essay on whether, uh, vlogging is art. Uh, if- I guess-, you know, any- If someone says something is art then it is art. So, I mean, if someone does the cinnamon challenge then you could say, ‘That’s not art.’ Whereas if someone does the cinnamon challenge and they go, ‘This is art.’ Suddenly it is.

51.38 “It’s weird. It’s like I am where I am in life currently, which is very fantastic and I’m very happy, but there’s, like, even though a lot of people really respect and love youtubers as they’re kind of real people as opposed to, uh, like, “celebrities” they’re just real. It’s like, you know, if someone’s an actor or a musician, they’re seen as, you know what I mean, when I see Gerard Way I’m like, ‘He is an incredible person who has contributed so much to humanity.’ Like, Gerard Way has- he’s just- he has contributed so much beauty to the universe, you know what I mean? And I’m like… youtube videos, you know, it’s like why? He shouldn’t follow me. [laughs] Please stop, you know, weird.”

52.58 Crazy that he’s has 3 million subscribers

53.12 He has a video ideas note bad. There are 85 things in it

53.29 “One of the things that can help procrastination for me is just waking up and getting on with the day…” he elaborates on this. (He makes his How to Get Out of Bed video 2 weeks later with almost an exact quote from this tirade)

54:45 “So 2014 is just going to be a battle as to whether or not I press snooze once. So, if you’re just- if you’re wondering what’s happened- what my 2014 plan is it’s just the internal battle in Dan’s life as to whether or not I press snooze. Literally. you snooze you lose, guys. You lose the game of life. And remember yolo. As if I haven’t frickin said that enough on my channel.”

55.16 Contemplates whether he should go to McDonalds

55.49 “I remember once I- I bought McDonalds cause I was craving it and then Phil made a stir fry for himself, and I was sat there eating McDonalds and then Phil was sat there eating his stir fry that he made himself and I was just like, ‘I’ve made a mistake.’”

56.12 They have a popcorn maker. Dan loves popcorn

57.09 Chat: ‘How many computers do you own?’ – Dan: “Like a lot but I guess it is my job. I don’t have a car. Um. I have a gaming PC and a laptop and then a really old shitty iMac I bought with Phil and then a new one that I kind of, like, got with vouchers.”

57.32 “But don’t worry, I remember being a teen and not having any of the things I needed to survive on a basic level and just crying internally when I had my shite Sony Vaio laptop that was just awful and I had a really rich friend that had a MacBook when he was like 15 and I was like, ‘Who has a MacBook when they’re 15?’ If you have a MacBook when you’re 15 that’s great and I’m really happy for you but I didn’t and I was just like [grimace].”

57.59 Chat: ‘Dan, do a collab with Pewdiepie’ – Dan: “That would be cool as I love him so much. Maybe one day. Although he lives- yeah, I- he’d have to commute up to me or I could go down but that would involve me leaving the house.”

58.15 Chat: ‘Dan, do things get better?’ – Dan: “Yes. I- I if there is- if there is anyone on the internet that is literally the example of whether or not it is actually possible to survive the teen period of your life, it’s me. Um. I’m also the example of the fact that as soon as you finish your teen period you’ll then probably also have an existential crisis but, I mean, I’m kind of a work in progress on that. I guess we’ll see in a couple of years whether or not, like, what that goes.”

59.53 “This has been good. I missed you guys. Even though this isn’t real Dan and this is strange freaking out put on the spot waffling awkward nervously Dan for an hour its good for us to have this intimate time together.”

Dan younow - 4th February, 2014

0.54 Chat: ‘You sound weird’ – Dan: “That’s just what I sound like.”

1.17 [He gives ‘dedicated stalker awards’ to people who got there before he tweeted the show] “I pinned it to your shirt and probably awkwardly touched your nipple when it happened. I was going to say boob but then I guess boys don’t have boobs.”

1.46 Danception – he does the laptop loop thing for the first time - “Why have I never done that before?”

2.54 Shows the screen again but double checks he doesn’t have any dodgy tabs open

3.36 He’s in the office because their wifi is terrible

4.19 He asks how people have been. Everyone is typing sad things - “Stop being emo, guys. Just pfft. Go google pretty nature pictures and then find the universe beautiful again, okay? Just- You need to- you need to have a positive attitude, okay? Like, if I was feeling, like, [ugh] I wouldn’t say [ugh] I’d be like, ‘I’m okay.’ And really that means I’ve had a terrible day but then, you know, I’m just- I’m trying to, yeah, okay.”

5.44 He scratched his face before the live show and bled onto his MacBook

6.14 His most recent video was about how to get out of bed. He credits the chat from his last live show for the dream speech part of his vid

7.07 He released the sound bite of the speech from the vid

7.51 Flappy bird talk - “I was thinking if I should- If I need to be a more kind of relaxed person who just makes more videos even if every video I make isn’t, like, frickin’ Return of the King, I could have ju- I could have just made a video about Flappy Bird. I could have turned on the camera, and then said how I feel, and then did a couple kind of funny things and then just put that up. That would have been relevant. That would have been nice. That probably would have contributed to your afternoons. But I just- you know, this is the kind of thing where I need to- I look at Pewdiepie and it’s like he lives his entire life on the internet so, like, anything happens and it’s like a video. Whereas I will, like, something will happen and then I will, like, maybe tweet about it. Whereas, I’ve been telling myself, it’s like, can you- Dan, can you- turn that into a video that someone would enjoy if they clicked on it?”

8.41 Flappy bird ruined his life for 24 hours

9.43 He’s a high level internet hipster

10.00 Flappy bird made him angry and ruined his mood - “I bet my friend to see which one of us is gonna get to 100 first.”

10.35 Moth shirt talk

11.23 He’s not phobic of months he just thinks they’re gross but he thinks moth prints are good

11.48 He has hung out with youtubers this week who had big opinions on the tfios trailer – “Obviously I have no opinions”

12.04 Chat: ‘Your hair looks fluffy. What happened to your hair?’ – Dan: “Calm- I’m being cyberbullied about my- Okay, you know, if you want me to sit here fixing my hair every 5 seconds I can do that but that’s really annoying. So, I’ll try not to.”

12.26 Radio show on Sunday talk – their radio show was in front of 30 people. They didn’t have a choice in whether or not it happened

13.21 “Without telling us, the BBC people made, like, 50 Dan and Phil face masks without our permission. And- [laughs] they used, like, that radio 1 photos that they took of us for a profile which me and Phil hate. We think they’re so gross. Like, we just- We just hate them. I mean, I know some of you guys will know what photos we’re on about. Like, we had to go to this photoshoot and, like, me- me and Phil think that every single one of them are gross and we were like, ‘Please don’t put these on the internet.’ So, then they printed off 50 and gave them to everybody. So that was quite disturbing but funny which is my favourite kind of funny and disturbing.”

14.43 AHS opinions. He recommends it

15.30 He and Phil are re-watching Buffy and Angel because Dan has never watched the two shows together

16.06 Anime talk – they’re watching Black Butler

17.08 He’s making a new video tomorrow. He was busy last week because of the radio show and Phil’s birthday and other things

17.21 Spotify update – John Mayer, Die Antwoord, Mastodon

19.09 Someone mentions Reading festival line up - “I’ll probably get to work there again this year. How jammy is my life? I do appreciate it.”

20.16 Gay couple emoji – “I was tweeting my radio show just when it started- the* radio show- my but [blugh] um, and I was just looking for emoji to represent me and Phil but the guy- the guy with the black hair has a moustache and I was like, ‘Phil doesn’t have a moustache. Oh look, here’s a guy with brown hair and black hair.’ But I was, like, ages away [from his phone screen] and then everyone was like, cause I was in a room with loads of people, I was like, um, ‘I- is this what I think it is?’ And one of the girls was like, ‘Uh, Dan. I think you don’t realise you just- you just tweeted two guys holding hands emoji.’ And I was like, ‘What?’ And then I looked close and I was like, ‘Ohh ri- too late to delete that. Okay. Cool. So, that’s just there now. Typical Dan to be honest.”

*Funny how he corrects it to ‘the’ instead of ‘our’ ohhowtheturntables.gif

21.26 Kylie Minogue was at the creator space. Hazel asked if anyone wanted to film a video with her. A bunch of youtubers did videos with her. Phil made “a very, very funny video with Kylie Minogue.”

23.05 “The last couple times I was at youtube I ended up having a younow show with Sprinkle of Glitter and Tomska and Jack Howard and not charlieissocoollike because he likes to hide by himself.”

23.27 He likes living in London

24.42 He’s made videos with people but none for his channel. He’ll only make videos with other people if he has an idea for it

25.52 He watched Wolf of Wall Street. It was good. Gives opinions on Leo and the Oscars

27.17 He doesn’t have cheekbones. “If I had cheekbones like Benedict Cumberbatch I wouldn’t look fat when I turn my head sideways. The thing is when I had long- longer hair it kind of hides the fact that I have no chin- no cheek bones but then when my hair’s shorter, which probably looks better, it’s like i- i- I have like a completely flat face. It’s just round. It’s like a basketball.”

27.56 More AHS talk

28.34 System of a Down are one of his favourite bands of all time. He saw them for the frsit time at a festival last year

28.48 He got carpet burn from his video. He got Phil to pull him across the carpet and he ripped the skin off his arm. When he’s in a lot of pain he doesn’t really do anything/react “cause what’s the point”

29.48 “I don’t really do anything when I’m in pain cause I’m kind of like what’s the- what’s the point? I dunno about you guys but for me it’s like if I bang my elbow on something I don’t go [oww, oh ow my elbow] I’m just kind of like It happened and I- I’m in pain right now, so- like what- what am I gonna- what’s doing something gonna do with it? […] For some reason I’m like just deal with it.”

30.30 [His arm was bleeding] “And Phil was like, ‘Uhhhh. You okay?’ And I’m like, it’s happened now. What am I gonna do about it?”

31.09 Something exciting is going to be uploaded on Sunday

31.54 He forgot to Instagram for two months. Dan’s relationship with Instagram rant. He only wants to Instagram something because it’s interesting. Because he doesn’t have a life he never posts anything

32.36 “I freak out sometimes. I’m sorry if you ever read one of my tweets or Instagram’s and it sounds really corporate instead of it’s like it’s coming from a personality. That’s not intentional. It’s just cause I freak out about how to word things. like, I’ll be typing something and then I’ll be like, ‘I need to say something extra or everybody’s going to think I’m in a bad mood.’ Or like, “if I don’t put this smiley face or this exclamation mark here, then people might not get what I’m trying to say.’ And then I go back and I look at my tweets and I’m just like, ‘Why- why does that sound like it was written by some-…”

He references a live show tweet and an Instagram caption about going to YouTube space

33.52 “So I just- I just- even if you have no idea what I’m on about I just want you guys to know that I- I’m constantly freaking out about everything. So even if you don’t ever even think anything just as long as you know that I’m constantly freaking out about everything then you can- you can just explain anything, basically, with that.”

34.29 His younow location is Wokingham but he’s in London

34.53 Chat: ‘You kinda look like Chris off Skins’ – Dan: “I don’t think I do but I’ll- I’ll take that as a compliment cause he’s cool.”

35.17 He accidentally went outside without his phone today. It was horrific. “Couldn’t awkwardly go on my reddit app when I don’t want to talk to anyone.”

36.06 “I spent half the day going, ‘Hey Phil, can I- can I borrow your phone to Instagram something?’”

36.29 He posted an Instagram with Phil’s phone but it posted to Phil’s twitter instead of his account

39.11 Chat recommends he do a twitter Q & A – Dan: “I spend my life feeling too morally superior to be a whore on social media. Um and then feel sad when other people that just do normal things like twitter q & a’s get more twitter followers than me. Um, so that’s- that’s why I’m an idiot.”

40.23 He’s going to be in a few videos with other youtubers

40.49 Chat: ‘Why haven’t you collaborated with Pewdiepie?’ – Dan: “Because he lives in- where- where does he live? He’s like 60 miles away from here. Yeah. I mean [laughs] I don’t leave the house.”

41.10 He still doesn’t know how to do his hair

41.25 Chat: ‘Are you scene? lol’ – Dan: “No. This isn’t scene hair. You- you are confused if you think it is.”

41.52 Chat: ‘Dan, you look tired’ – Dan: “Thanks. I guess I am tired because I couldn’t sleep last night because all foxes having sex.” He discusses foxes

43.05 He plays fox noises. The foxes really scared him

45.27 He had a chicken madras for dinner

45.39 Chat: ‘Dan, are you racist to Canadians?’ – Dan: “Not particularly. I had- I had a- an aunty that was Canadian. Her name was jean. There we go. Fact.”

46.36 He can twist his wrists 24 hours [sic]

46.47 Kylie Minogue tweeted one of his viewers

47.57 He never got into snapchat – “Probably, like, because the joy of snapchat is snapchatting things to your friends and I- um [whispers something indecipherable] Oh god.”

48.19 Plays more of the fox video, keeps talking about foxes

50.16 He’s watched most of How I Met Your Mother out of order

50.25 Chat: ‘Advice for new youtubers?’ – Dan: “Make videos that you like that are good and good luck. It’s a big question.”

50.49 He asks what brand of suit to ask for

51:40 He’s kind of scared for the Brits

51.52 “It’s weird cause we were hired to just make funny backstage things like our youtube videos cause they just wanted us to go and then make funny videos that just show what it’s like behind the scenes but I’m worried that the people that organise it want us to be like presenters, you know what I mean? And it’s like we’re- we’re not. We didn’t- we’re not doing it because we want to be like, ‘Hi, we’re Dan and Phil and welcome to the Brit Awards.’ We just wanna kind of mess around while looking fancy. Um, but if they make us talk about, um, talk to the people that win the awards that means that I will probably see One Direction again which I’d rather not happen and also probably like Katy Perry or something which I don’t want to happen. And when I say that what I mean is, like, it’s not that I don’t like the people and I don’t want to meet them it’s that I don’t want them to meet me. Like, my- the feeling of horror that I get from the fact that I might have to talk to One Direction and the fact that they will see me with their eyes horrifies me more than I think it’s cool that it’s happening […] For us in that situation it’s like we’ve got to make something with the people, you know what I mean? So, it’s like even if we just have a chat with them it’s not- I’m not just like meeting Katy Perry it’s like I’m gonna have to make something cool then everyone’s gonna have to, like, everyone on the internet will be judging how good it was out of 10 and stuff like that. And I’m just like [grimace] you know what I mean? I’d rather stay inside and not have them have to look at me cause I- I’m like- you know what I mean. It’s like if I said, ‘Would you like to meet Beyoncé?’ Would you be like, ‘Yeah.’ Cause I’m like, ‘Do I wanna meet Beyoncé?’ Not particularly. Just why- like, I’m not saying I’d embarrass myself in front of her but it’s like I don’t need to do that, you know what I mean? Cause it’s like unless you become friends with the person- it’s like imagine in an alternate universe if you met Beyoncé but then you became best friends with Beyoncé that would be great. But if you just had to like interview Beyoncé and then you’d look like a bit of a gimp and then Beyoncé would never think you about- never think about you ever again then it’s just kind of like [grimace] but don’t worry cause as the totally organised person that you guys know I am, I will totally have a plan. Yup. I will be at the event and I will know exactly what I’m doing. Yes.”

54.36 No sexy end screen dance in his last video. It looked too weird

55.19 Dan is not a hipster

55.33 Pasta and cheese talk. He snacks on cheese which is why he doesn’t buy cheese

57.03 He still hasn’t found someone to fix his piano

57.43 He once ate a lot of white chocolate Maltesers on Christmas Day and got sick. He can’t eat large quantities of white chocolate

58.08 [Talking about the radio show] “I like ‘Sorry I Don’t Know How to Internet’ but I’m missing how much of a train wreck our show used to be […] I kind of liked when our show was a horrible train wreck. So even though ‘Sorry I Don’t Know How to Internet’ was funny, I kind of want to make something like fan wars which is really insane that would make everything go horribly wrong. So, I kind of- I want- I wanna make a game that is as, like, ridiculously complicated as possible so me and Phil are terrified during the show because so many things could go wrong […] I kind of want my radio show to be as much as a train wreck as possible so I- I might just make like a thing where there’s like 13 people on iPads and I’m juggling them or something.”

59.17 Chat: “You shouldn’t joke about train wrecks, Dan” – Dan: “Wow. Okay. It was just a metaphor. I don’t- I don’t think actual train wrecks are funny, okay? In case- in case I needed to clarify that. Actual disasters where several people die aren’t cool. Just in case you thought they were. There we go.”

59.39 Chat: ‘Do you prefer Dylan O'Brien or the other one?’ – Dan: “Uh, I haven’t watched enough of it yet to have an opinion and then even then I probably wouldn’t share it.”

1.00.02 “Cause someone wanted me to elaborate that yet again, um, if you were to hang out with Dan in person I’d be a lot less hyperactive and sarcastic and sad looking but happy on the inside. Um, but obviously when a camera’s staring at you, you hey filled with nervous energy which makes you waffle for like an hour. So, this is like a- like a trance that I’m in right now where I kind of waffle. It’s a really kind of beautiful state that we should all appreciate that I’m kind of trapped into being in.”

0.33 He had issues logging in. He tried to log in as Phil and it didn’t work

1.28 [Talking about people he was watching as he waited for younow to fix itself] Oh and the black guy who I put in jail which I now realise was maybe a bit racist but I didn’t mean it at the time but then it was really amazingly hilarious.”

2.01 He’s had a long day today and he has a huge day tomorrow

2.40-7.38 Brit Awards talk. He explains what the Brits are, what he and Phil are doing for it (they made some videos, will be promoting the British Video Award on the stream)

7.40 They filmed the back-stage tour today and they found Katy Perry’s dressing room

8.04 “I didn’t get to meet Katy Perry because I didn’t want to meet Katy Perry because why would I ever, you know, if I find it hard enough to talk to a taxi driver for 10 minutes or hold a conversation with a friend of mine that I’ve known for a long time then I don’t know why I’d ever want to be put in a room with Katy Perry.”

8.30 He got his suit for the show, he asks for fashion opinions about trousers

8.59 “I think Fleur De Force the beauty girl is going to be there tomorrow and she’s- she knows things about fashion so maybe I can ask her.”

9.36 “Can Jason stop spamming? No, bro. Thanks but nice hair.”

9.55 MCR talk

10:45 “As we know from the whole Gerard Way following me on twitter incident I don’t like to think about how emotionally attached I actually am to bands when I either- when I interact with them in any way because I’ll probably have a mental break down. So, like for instance, um, my life revolved around Fall Out Boy when I was like 15 and now I’ve met Patrick Stump a few times when I see him I try not to, like, remember that cause otherwise I’ll probably have a breakdown. So, it’s funny cause I’m sure if you met someone from your favourite band then you’d have probably have been hyping yourself up for it and then you’d probably be like throw up on their shoes or something like that but if I’m doing a random thing then th- you know, like, when people are like, ‘Ooh. Famous people aren’t like crazy aliens they’re just like normal people.’ They are like normal people but it’s weird cause obviously when you just see someone walking around they’re just like a normal person but then when you see them, like, on stage they become this god-like being, you know what I mean? So, it’s- it’s weird. It’s like pretty much every pop star or guy from a band I’ve ever met ever I meet them and it’s just like, ‘Okay, yeah. They were cool, that’s nice. Whatever.’ But then I go home and like- I like listen to their music or I’d watch a video on YouTube of them performing live and then I’d just, like, have a panic attack cause I’d be like, ‘Oh god.’ Like, who- Gerard Way was like that cause I remember he followed me on twitter and I was like, “Oh that’s cool. I can really identify with what he’s like as an actual person.” But then I went away and I thought about it and I was like, “I could- I could have a mental breakdown right now so I’m just not gonna do that, um, I- I bet you guys know what I mean. So, I mean, yeah, it’s weird that tomorrow I might, uh, have to say hi to Bruno Mars on the red carpet.”

12.35 They have to walk on the red carpet and interview people - “I hate it. I hate it. I tried to ask if we could get of it but they were like, ‘No. Part of the- the deal of getting this cool job is that you have to make like a montage of red carpet videos.’ But I just- I hate it. It’s the worst. Like, imagine how much I hate, like, meeting people because whatever, um, unless I’ve thoroughly planned for a thing cause you- you guys know how it is. Like, if I’m making a funny video with Pixie Lott or something then it’s like me and Phil could make, like, a funny video and it’s great but if it’s like someone that I really wanna be friends with then I hate having to interview them cause then you’re just like some gimpy presenter or person interviewing them, you know what I mean…” He goes on about the presenter/celebrity divide.

14.46 “So, that’s- that’s one of the reasons I hate red carpets because I hate just being a meaningless peasant on the other side of the rope. I’d rather not meet them. But it’s also like a clusterfuck...” They’re really disorganised.

15.24 He doesn’t want to talk to One Direction. He doesn’t mind talking to Katy Perry etc - “If anybody there that I really don’t want to have a- a peasant-y, uh, interaction with is One Direction. Cause I’m like, ‘Will you remember me from when I met you a year and a half ago?’ Probably not. Do you hate youtubers? I don’t know. I just- [blguh]”

16.42 His new year’s resolution is to Instagram more. He doesn’t go outside so he doesn’t– “My day to day Instagram would be like refreshing twitter, checking my emails, looking at a funny cat picture that someone sent me on reddit.”

17.36 The internet is in Reading and he used to go past it when he lived there

[Dan looks at his computer where he has a list of topics he wants to discuss then makes up a question from a random person.] Tbf, the names were far more believable back then

18.12 “I bought a box of chocolates and Phil ate 11 of them and I had 2. Uh, so that was- that was fun. Literally 1- it was like in 2 days. I had 2 and I was like, “Do you want a couple?” And he was like, “Yeah.” And then 2 days passed and I was like, “I’ll have another one.” And he ate 11. I’m- that’s not even an exaggeration- 11. And I had 2. And I don’t blame him that much because I shouldn’t really be eating boxes of chocolates if I’m trying to actually get fit for the first time [laughs] I guess he did me a favour really.”

18.48 Spotify update: Jay-Z, Justin Bieber (Chance the Rapper is on one of Justin Bieber’s songs), Kelly Clarkson (when he was brushing his teeth)

19:55 [Still talking about music] “Not that I’m going to express opinions, uh, because I don’t do opinions…”

20.18 He has started watching Teen Wolf. Styles is his favourite character

20:47 Teens React to Dan and Phil. The Fine Bros emailed them to let them know they wanted to make a react to Dan and Phil episode – “I was like ‘No. No. No.’ And Phil was like, “No, Dan. This is- this is really good. It’s really nice of the Fine brothers to ask us to do this and they, uh, we-we might get a lot of exposure from it so that’s cool.” And I was like, “Yeah, but like ohhh nooo.” Cause I thought that not only would the teens be mean but all the comments under the Fine Bros video would be like, “Who the fuck is that? I hate him. He has stupid hair.” Um, but then it turned out that everyone was really nice and everyone was really nice on the internet as well. Yeah, oh by the way, I- I used to know Dylan O’Brien as a youtuber which is weird. Like, 6 years ago me and him used to watch, like, the same- I say me and him like we’ve ever interacted in any way just him used to watch the same American youtubers like this guy called Boeheim n- none of you will know about YouTube in a previous generation but, uh, yeah.”

22:12 They made a reaction video to the react video which was “good and cool”

23:47 He went to Cirque du Soleil – He can’t remember who got the tickets but a “bunch of people” went to Cirque du Soleil which is “like an old person’s home for Olympic gymnasts.”
It broke half way through for reasons they don’t know

24:42 Two types of British people- Rowdy/obnoxious vs polite

25:32 He cleaned his suit trousers. He dropped white chocolate sauce on his suit. It looked bad

26:18 “I decided that I’m just gonna- my goal for life is to just do whatever it takes, whatever it takes, whatever it takes to become serious enough to get free clothes from Alexander McQueen.”

26.36 He had to buy his suit himself

26:51 [Watch the Brit awards YouTube channel tomorrow] – “I’m not going to tell you to subscribe. I feel re- like really cringey whenever, like, I’m working for someone and I have to tell them to subscribe to the channel. I’m like, ‘No. Don’t do that if you don’t want to.”

Dan liveshow – February 25th, 2014

1.23 He’s drinking coffee. He has a youtube cup that says, ‘User generated coffee’ - “Yeah right, youtube. When you’d make this mug? 2011. I think they did actually.” – #currentyoutubemugslogans

1.51 “I don’t even make hot drinks. It’s just cause, uh, AmazingPhil was making a coffee and I went, ‘yeah, okay, I’ll have one.’ But you guys all know about how I don’t like to make hot drinks cause I can’t be bothered to switch a kettle on.”

2.05 Today he filmed things and saw Her in cinemas for the second time

2:30 “This morning, Phil, in an attempt to make himself a bowl of Crunchy Nut cornflakes, which is something […] He tried to make a bowl, I don’t know what happened. It, like, it fell out of the- the cupboard and then he tried to basketball or something like that with it and it was, like, lacerated his hand open. He cut himself in like 3 different places. Turns out that the only sticker- um, plasters we have in our house are Hello Kitty plasters which are probably really useless as actual things that you use to, um, contain your flesh spilling everywhere. It looked pretty funny, uh, and I tweeted a picture but I- it was- it was like- it was- it was really, really funny because he somehow managed to just freaking explode a bowl everywhere and bleed everywhere just trying to get a bowl out of a cupboard but at the same time it wasn’t funny because he was bleeding everywhere. it wasn’t very serious but it was one of the things where you don’t want to laugh at your friend in pain too much
even though you were both laughing at how funny it was that such a colossal disaster happened just from such a tiny bowl.”

4.12 He has a snack that he wants to eat

4.40 Chat: ‘Why do you have [the Hello Kitty plasters] anyway?’ – Dan: “I don’t know. I think a female friend of ours bought them and was like ‘You need plasters.’ It’s like, Okay. Where- where you get Hello Kitty things?”

5.06 He got his red striped Doberman jumper from a Selfridges sale

5.41 He shows his zip shoes he also got there – “They’re weird. they’re not, like, permanent shoes. I just got them as something I can wear, like, sometimes.”

6.02 [The shoes] “makes me look like a Final Fantasy character which is obviously what I’m going for always.”

6.44 Chat: ‘Do a haul for your next video’ – Dan: “A haul? Me? Yeah, c- can you imagine what my subscribers would be like if I fucking uploaded a haul. ‘Dan. This is not the content I subscribed to you for.’ Maybe I’ll do an ironic haul on my second chan- No I won’t. What- I don’t like the idea of hauls. Just look at my stuff. I dunno. Weird. Anyway.”

7.04 “Phil did an ironic haul at the end of his last video. Love an ironic haul. Although, I have been talking about doing kind of like a- a strange spoof of a kind of video that a beauty girl would do at some point.”

7.20 He asks what stereotypical things beauty vloggers do

8.31 Brits talk

8.49 He talks about the Harry Styles shirt incident. He didn’t have to buy it. He gives an elaborate explanation of how the interviews and red carpet works in general. It was really organised until One Direction arrived.

13.07 He talks about recognising Harry’s shirt

13:25 “I was like, ‘Um, Phil, am I- am I wearing the same shirt as Harry?’ And he was like, “No, it’s just- it’s just black and white one. Doesn’t look like that.” And I was like “Um, okay.’”

14.29 Wearing the same shirt as Harry Styles is “the most notable moment of [his] life so far.” The picture he tweeted is his most popular tweet

14.51 “It’s just funny that in my entire life so far probably the most notable event of my entire existence around the world to date happens to be that I was just a guy that wore the same shirt as Harry which I- that’s- that’s funny.”

15:09 “Generally, uh, obviously Harry Styles is a far superior human to me in every single way in the entire world, I feel like he didn’t go to that much effort with what he was wearing…”

15.30 “I feel like Harry was just kind of wearing the shirt. I mean, at least I wore like a bow tie or something like that.”

15.39 He didn’t acknowledge the incident on Instagram – “Cause you know how Instagram is like the worst community in the entire world.” It has so many shit-storms. He’s been reading the who wore it better comments

19:35 Grammys rant. The Grammys are the worst. The categories and its winners are outdated and aren’t good

20.28 MCR new song talk - “Like with most other things I had to detach myself from it. I couldn’t get too into it cause I was like, ‘If I start thinking about how much MCR meant to me in my life then I’ll probably have a mental break down. So, I just need to completely emotionally detach myself from this while I listen to the song right now.’”

20:55 Chat: ‘Alex Turner’s speech’ – Dan: “What about his speech? I don’t have opinions. [laughs] I mean, I- I wasn’t offended. I don’t feel negative emotions so I don’t have anything bad to say about Alex Turner’s speech.”

21:14 Cringey interviews. There’s a divide between presenters and artists.

21.49 “My- mine and Phil’s struggle is that when we do stuff like the Brits- I’m not saying that our fricking back stage tour was the epitome of art in the universe but it was- it felt a bit creative, you know what I mean? I mean, it’s like, I don’t know if you saw the, uh, back stage tour of the O2 arena video that I made with Phil but that’s basically why we did it. They asked us to make cool videos for their awards ceremony and we said, “Yeah. We’ll do a back-stage tour.” And it was- that’s basically why- why we wanted to do it. So, we didn’t so much want to do the red carpet interview-y things cause I find it extremely cringe but we kinda had to but then I loved the back stage tour.”

22:38 He talks about the FAB room from the back stage tour video

23:16 He broke the PC and the wall in that room

24:07 They didn’t meet 5SOS - “There was no kind of beautiful union if you wanted that to happen”

24:55 [Talking about Lily Allen] “It was hilarious that I asked her what was in her bag and she started unpacking everything that was in her bag and she got out her e-cigarette and her vodka and then she gave it all to Phil to put back in her bag and it was so awkward but it was amazing. It was so amazing just watching Phil try to pack a flask of vodka back into Lily Allen’s Chanel clutch. I died. It was s- it was such a weird and amazing moment.”

25:36 “Kylie Minogue remembered us which was awesome. She had like a 2-minute conversation with Phil, and I was like, “Yes. Yes. They’re still friends go-” I felt a bit like one of you guys would probably feel watching Kylie Minogue and Phil have a conversation I was like, “She remembers him. Oh god. This is so nice. I’m just enjoying this- this weird moment where they’re reunited right now.”

26.09 Chat: ‘Tom Odell’ – Dan: “He’s so-oh my god. Every time- I’ve met Tom Odell twice now and just- excruciatingly awkward terrible, terrible experiences. He is terrifying. I’m terrified of him. Meet- like, experiences like trying to hold a conversation with Tom Odell is the exact reason why I really hate doing things like that and almost never want to do anything like that ever again. Like, he’s really nice but I just had a terrible awkward time. Barely survived it.”

26.41 Chat: ‘Becoming YouTube?” – Dan: “What about it? Becoming YouTube. Oh my god. Like, if I thought when Ben filmed those interviews that a year later he’d still be hashing out the same opinions… Jesus Christ. Like, I just- so you guys know any opinion I express in Becoming YouTube is now completely invalid and, uh, you know how people grow and change as people as they grow up and you can think of it as almost, like, if- if a person is like 100% of their body and like a hard drive, when you learn new things it deletes old things, it’s almost like the Dan in becoming YouTube has almost been completely deleted by now. So, it’s just- every time I see it I’m like, ‘Oh god. Oh god. No. No. Why did you make us sit so close together, Ben? We were in shot. Oh god.” Um. So that’s cool. But he filmed a new bit of it the other week which will be refreshing whenever the hell that goes up in like 15 years probably knowing him.”

27.41 Spotify update: Lil Wayne, One Direction, Lily Allen

28.51 He has been listening to the GW2 soundtrack a lot on his phone - “Because classical music is peaceful and it doesn’t have words in it.”

29.03 Chat: ‘Do you feel Young Money now?’ – Dan: “Dude, I’m always Young Money deep within in my soul, you know what I mean? Drake is my spirit animal.”

29.13 Chat: ‘Teen Wolf’ – Dan: “Teen Wolf. I’m- [laughs] I’ve nearly watched the whole first season of Teen Wolf. I’m not going to express opinions about it cause if I- if I criticise it you’ll get mad, and if I say good things about it people that hate it will say things but it’s just- it’s a thing that I’m watching.”

30.38 “So, I’m somebody that’s into films. I’m one of those, uh, hipster nerds that’s into cinema and stuff like that. Um, and as you all know I love me an awards show. I am obsessed with award shows. They are so trashy and awful and meaningless and just the very thought of critiquing art on like a sponsored televised event is just really kind of like sickening and hypocritical but I j- they’re so trashy and amazing. I love awards shows. So, Academy Awards this Sunday. I’m excited. Um. So, this year I’ve been watching all the academy award nominated films because I’m having an Oscars party on Sunday. It’s good. I’m having “friends”, cause you have friends, round to my apartment and we’re all gonna stay up till 5am watching the Academy awards, um, which may or may not be good but whatever. Um, it’s just about hanging out with people.”

32.28 He asks for ideas on how to make his party a success

32.36 “If you were coming round to my house to sit and watch tv for 5 hours when you’re really tired what would you want to eat?”

33.00 “It’ll be after my radio show so I’ll probably be really traumatised and want a pizza like I am after every radio show.”

33.15 Chat: ‘Cheesy balls’ – Dan: “Wow that sounds- Phil doesn’t like cheese so I can’t have that. He’s cheese phobic. He’s a bad flatmate if you wanna live with someone that likes cheese.”

33.26 He talks about & plays Let It Go – “Our show, mine and Phil’s radio show is on at 7oclock after the chart show

33.52 “I mean I don’t wanna express opinions again. I’m so afraid of ever expressing opinions…” but it’s funny because it’s an intense song to play on the radio

35:25 “Me and Phil always turn up the speakers…” when the song is playing. It annoys the other BBC DJs.

36.25 He loved Tangled

36.55 “I did met Bastille. I’m convinced that all of the members of Bastille hate me and Phil and they’re not the kind of people that like our quirky interview style. Sometimes I’m like-it’s weird because me and Phil are obviously individuals with very different styles, very different senses of humours, but then there like a Dan and Phil zeitgeist of like a sense of humour so when you think of, like, Dan and Phil content, it’s maybe, uh, a lot less existential crisis-y than my content and a lot more just kind of like fun, and it’s still, like, creative and nerdy and cool and stuff which is, you know, I- I know why you guys like watching our videos which we- we love but, um, sometimes I wonder if certain bands just really don’t like the vibe. Like, I was convinced that Pete Wentz really hates me and Phil but I think he’s just tired all the time cause he’s internationally travelling. But I really, like, we saw Bastille again and they were like, ‘It’s you guys who asked us all those funny questions in the tent.” And we were like, “Yup.” Uh. But I think they acted as if they were pleased to see us so maybe but I feel like, um, Dan from bastille, even if he did like the questions, is maybe a bit like, ‘What are you gonna ask me?’ And stuff like that but they were really nice. So, um, cool.”

38.15 Leonardo tumblr shirt he bought off a random website

40.11 Someone was eating bananas next to them in the cinema. He likes getting coke and popcorn at the cinema

41.05 They did a video with Charlie “Do you remember that guy? Charlieissocoolike? Who remembers that guy in our previous lives.”

42.03 He’s hanging out with Jack and Finn next week - “They terrify me as well, like, I asked Finn something in a DM and he replied to me and it, like, it made me scared. I don’t know- I don’t know why. I was like [ughh] I don’t wanna have to reply to Finn. Um, so, yeah. There we go. He’s just too cool, man. But I’d happily awkwardly pack things back into Lily Allen’s handbag. Um. Yeah. So that’s- what is my life? I don’t even know.”

42.50 “I have no concept of time whatsoever. It’s just falling through my fingers like a waterfall in between procrastination and duties that we must immediately attend to. [Pffff] off it sifts through our fingers.”

43:17 “Let’s talk about how often I say like. God, I need to tone that down. I was listening to last week’s radio show the other day and I was telling and anecdote and I said like like every other 4 words and i- and I know that like is a word that you have to use- or you don’t have to use but, I mean, obviously I’m not thinking about how my conversation is going and im just naturally talking, I’m like, “Like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, lilke, like, like.” All the time. And I wnted to [blugh] blast projectile vomit everywhere.”

44:01 “Me and Phil were asked to host a Pokémon event for actual Nintendo the other day. Um, I don’t know enough details about it but I got an email from someone and they were like, ‘Hey, so Nintendo want you to host this Pokémon event.’ And I was like, “So, I’ve been having this kind of internal debate recently about me and Phil not really wanting to do things where we’re just presenting cause really we like- we like creating things and making content.’ But then when someone was like, ‘Pokémon would like you to host a Pokémon event.’ I was like, “Fuck everything. Yes. [laughs] I will sell out so hard.” Um, yeah, so that will be funny. I’ll be like, “My one requirement is that you give me a perfectly EV trained shiny Arceus with 6 perfect IVs.” About 6 people will know what I mean but maybe. Surely, they can just program that. They can do that, can’t they? They can do anything they’re Nintendo.’ Yo, Gamefreak. That’s my price. Sort it out. I want 6 of them. I’m about that life.”

45:22 He talks about his watch later playlist. It’s full of random videos from the last 6 years. Most of them were accidental clicks

46.03 Chat: ‘Do more collabs’ – Dan: “I should. One of my many, many new year’s resolutions is to be more- be less anti-social on YouTube. Which I’ve done one so far and it’s with Phil which doesn’t count. So, I’m failing pretty hard.”

46.21 “Okay. So, the weeks just go by in life. They just go by. Like, sometimes you feel like- like- I dunno. To me, 2013 felt like such a huge year, like, I dunno about you guys but didn’t- didn’t 2013- I mean- it- it went quickly while it was happening but didn’t it feel like such a long year where so many things happened? But then it’s already the end of February, like, Jesus Christ. It is already a sixth- a sixth of the way through 2014. I spent basically like the whole of December having a mental break down. [laughs] Like, my existential crisis metre in December was like at an all time high. I was like- I was like 512% done with life. So I spent my entire holiday in India with my family just, like, laying awake at night having an existential crisis under my mosquito net and I was like, ‘2014. 2014 will be the year.’ And then it’s like I haven’t even had time to start 2014 yet because all of the, like, weeks have just, like, happened and we’re already a sixth of the way through the year. What the fuck? Are you kidding me? Like, I was like, ‘Man. 2014. My new year’s resolution is just to be way less busy. I just don’t wanna do anything. I just wanna, like, stay at home and make loads of YouTube videos, and just think about stuff and if I’m not doing anything and I’m just at home all day, other than the one day I now have to go to the radio show, then I have loads of time to make loads of videos. And it’s just like a sixth of the year is already gone, like, what the- I’m- I’m aware that me and Phil were booked in for the Brit Awards thing which was something we committed to a long time ago, so that was always going to ruin my life for about 10 days and make me very busy, which is understandable but now that’s over I’m like, ‘I swear that I am not going to do anything until Playlist Live so I have promised myself that I am- I am basically not going to go outside, other than the radio show I have to go outside for, until basically the end of March. I just wanna see what happens if I do nothing. Because if my new year’s resolution was to be less busy and do nothing I just- I failed so hard and I’m just like, ‘Oh god.’ Um. So. Yeah. That’s cool. Just- just to let you guys freak out a bit, cause I know that you guys love coming to the world of danisnotonfire in the mood to have some light entertainment and some smiles on the internet only be faced with deep existential crises but I’m sorry. That’s- there’s like a 1 in 3 chance of that happening.”

49.16 He’s playing through Final Fantasy 9

49.24 “Thanks for the bacon, guys. [Referring to younow stickers] Oh yeah. I appreciate this so much. Thank you. You are contributing to my obesity that I’m desperately fighting against. Um. Man, exercise is like- I just- food is like the best thing about life and I just love food so much and I really- I never get full so I wish that I could just eat all the food all the time but then I- I just hate exercise and I just hope that one day I become one of those weirdos that gets like addicted to the buzz of exercise I bet at least 3 people watching this are like that and I just- but not yet. Not yet. Just all about the bacon. I bought some bacon the other day. Sometimes I’m like, ‘I wanna be healthy.’ So I’ll buy some muesli and then I go shopping while I’m hungry and I’m like, ‘Oooh. Maple bacon. Yes. I will buy a pack of maple bacon. While I’m at it I might as well buy some eggs and some waffles and some maple syrup.’ And then I get home and I’m like, ‘Fuck. That’s not muesli, Dan. Jesus Christ. You’re gonna get fat again like you did in July.” Anyway. Um. [laughs]”

50.58 Anime talk. He’s caught up with Black Butler

51.42 Chat: ‘Alois Trancy’ – Dan: “I bet you all love Alois Trancy. You shouldn’t. He’s a horrible, despicable person and you’re all crazy girls that terrify me and you like all the wrong things for the wrong reasons. I’m joking.”

51:59 “Throw your morals out the window just for a cute boy. Guys. Think about it. I pray that one day you’ll be sane.”

52.14 Chat: ‘Sam Smith?’ – Dan: “Sam Smith’s cool. He’s nice. I thought that he really, really, really hated me and Phil too but then he followed me on twitter so I couldn’t have traumatised him that much which was good.”

52.26 Elder Scrolls games talk. He’s not obsessed with MMOs he just loves GW2 as a thing

52.55 “Man, I love talking about things that only 3 people know about.”

53.03 He talks about the weather. He was waiting for snow, it didn’t come. - “The winter that Avatar came out in the cinema that was like snowpocalypse 9000. I wanted another one.”

54.17 Chat: ‘Do you read all of your @ replies ever?’ – Dan: “No. Only when I- I check them and you’ll know that because it’s usually after I tweet something and I want to confuse people. Or randomly but that’s the joy.”

55.06 World of Warcraft talk – “I’m not gonna get too opinionated cause oh my god, like, people’s opinions on World of Warcraft, like, if there’s a list of things that you guys that don’t give a shit think will cause shit storms, seriously, opinions on MMOs. Wow. Then you’re talking about fan boy war and that’s the kind of fando- sometimes I wonder, like, what’s the absolute worst, like, demographic to have on, like, internet. Is it, like, angry male gamers? Cause I see so many people that are like twitch streamers that just play, um, like League of Legends and they’re like, ‘A crazy fan boy stalked my mum and threatened to blow up my house after disconnecting my internet.’ And I’m like, ‘Oh. Okay. Wow that sounds quite traumatising. Okay.’’

55.59 Chat: ‘Do you do your eyebrows?’ – Dan: “No. Someone tried to do that once and I was afraid. It was very painful. I probably should though. Um, if I ever meet a- a female that’s willing to do that without pulling off my face skin then sure. Why not?”

56.34 Chat: ‘How have you been recently?’ – Dan: “Generally quite good. Um. Yeah, I mean I obviously just verge between having- having like a full blown existential crisis and then just getting on with the immediate responsibilities of life until I then have another existential crisis. I was thinking, like, I- I wanna tweet more things that are kinda like funny. Um, sometimes I have these, like, ideas for tweets that seem, like, really deep and depressing but actually I’m kind of laughing while I’m writing them but then I’m worried that if I tweet them then everyone will just kind of think I’m having like a Jaden Smith mental break down instead of kind of laughing at them with me. But maybe I should just do it and yolo, cause even if 3 people in 1 million understand that’s what matters, right? Yes. I could- I could get so deep right now but- but I’m not gonna do that. I’ve been contemplating a lot about, like, whether or not you exist unless something has been perceived by other people, like the tree falling in the woods thing. I mean, obviously you do on a personal level but I guess it’s all about, like, what you value in life, you know? Whether - kind of, how your- how your existence is acknowledged by others is important to you. Anyway. Um. So yeah.”

57.53 Chat: ‘Your comment on Phil’s new video’ – Dan: “About the pulling off his trousers. [laughs] Yeah. That would have been funny. That would have been one of those moments where I walk in and Phil usually keeps it and puts it at the end of the video. I’m sorry that that didn’t actually happen this time. It usually happens though.”

(I don’t have a screen cap for this but I’ve 100% seen it floating around, it said something like ‘woah dude, at least lock the door before you do this’)

58:42 He talks about Katy Perry and her list of pop star demands, the stream cuts of as he’s talking about this

Dan liveshow –10th June, 2014

0:13 People aren’t allowed to say happy birthday to him because it’s too early

0.30 He does the stupid dan-ception thing

1.11 He went to One Direction last week

1.48 Brief talk about E3 – “yawn” he questions whether the exciting era of console gaming is over

2.19 He asks how people have been doing

2.49 He was going to make a video about exams but he didn’t have an idea so he didn’t

3.30 Chat: ‘Can I see your forehead’ – Dan: [shows forehead] “There we- is that- is that thrilling? There we go. Nice little forehead for you there. Is that going on your- your insidious forehead blog? I don’t wanna know.”

3.53 His next video will be an ISG. He looked at his channel and decided it was time for an ISG video

5.04 Chat: ‘Do a challenge video’ – Dan: “Nah. Don’t really do challenge videos, [person]. I was thinking about Phil’s favourites video that he uploaded and I was like, [shakes head] ‘Nope. Can’t be doing that. Just couldn’t put that on danisnotonfire.’ I dunno. I dunno.”

5.24 He’s going outside later. “I’m going to like a circus-y thing. I’ll tell you about it next week after I’ve been though.” (His next live show will be on July 8th)

5.57 “My family gave me a huuuge box of chocolates in advance. And- I j- don’t buy me chocolate. That’s it’s like you’re just- you’re just feeding me forcefully, you know what I mean?”

6.40 He went to see One Direction last week – “I love spending the day with people that vlog everything. Not. [laughs] It’s so like, “Am I being filmed right now? Probably.” Uh, I haven’t watched all of the- like, who was vlogging that day? I was with- okay everyone I was with was vlogging the day. […] All of them were vlogging the day apart from me. So, it was like every single moment there were 5 people filming everything at the same time and I was like, “Woooah. Vlogception.” Maybe I will vlog one day. Um. That’s another question that’s not to do with One Direction.”

7.27 He discusses the show. It was good.

7.46 Chat: ‘Don’t ever vlog please’ – Dan: “Don’t ever vlog please? Why not? I think that there’s a happy medium. Like, people vlog their entire lives and then they feel bad for not having interesting lives all the time. And then some people are like, “I don’t like vlogging cause it’s like, why do I care about telling people what I had for breakfast.” But Phil on his lessamazingphil channel has been uploading “vlogs” which aren’t like, ‘Here’s my entire day including my boring as hell morning where I didn’t do anything and then the evening where I just fricking [pfff] did whatever.’ Yeah, like maybe if I’m doing something interesting then I can maybe film it cause it’s interesting but hell if I’m going to be like, ‘Hey. So, 4 o’clock still on the internet. Haven’t got changed out of my pyjamas.’ [laughs] Cause that’s my life mostly.”

8.52 His family got a new dog named Colin. His family didn’t name it Colin. He debates whether Colin is a good name for a dog.

9.38 Chat: ‘Why did you change your bio?’ – Dan: “Yeah. So, I change- felt like it. not that, you know, twitter bios are even a big deal or that what I wrote is gonna be there forever. I could change it tomorrow but I dunno. Like, I felt like calling myself a kid was weird cause I feel like, a 17 year old calling them self a kid would be weird, you know what I mean? Like, ‘kid’ is like 5 years old. It’s just a weird word. Um, but then also I know people liked the internet cult leader but I was a bit, like, ‘I dunno. I dunno.’ It implies that I dunno, I just- I just didn’t want it to sound like, ‘Hah. I’m a big deal.” I dunno. I was like, [shrugs]. Subject to change though. Who knows? I might be random at 4 o clock and just change it to, ‘I like dogs. Watch my videos.’ Just crazy like that.”

10.34 He spends a lot of time playing video games

10.46 He’s going to see The Fault in Our Stars. Apparently Ansel Elgort is going to be there “which may reduce the emotional impact of the character developments”

11.17 He won’t do a live show next week because he’s going to watch tfios

11.47 He’s fiddling with post its

11.57 Chat: ‘Gerard Way lives in London’ – Dan: “Does he? Does he? Since when? I’m gonna stalk him. Probably. No, I will stalk him. Is that true?” No he doesn’t.

13.03 Formula 1 talk. Hamilton is better than Nico. – “I bet so many people in this chat really want me to talk at length about how I feel about the Canadian Grand Prix.”

13.28 He’s spent most of the last week playing Mario Kart. He finished the game in about 60 hours. He’s gotten too good at it. It’s not fun because he’s not being challenged.

14.40 They went to a cat café. The video made it look better than it was. “I don’t want to be a hater but it was kinda crap.” It was a kind of bad café with weird rooms that smell weird with uncomfy seats and okay food. Not enough cats.

16.00 Muse talk. He’s excited for the new album. The Second Law is his least favourite Muse album.

16.32 He was on the Muse forums the other day. He ponders where mega fans congregated/how they worked before the internet

17.11 They got moved at the One Direction concert – “Because everybody thought we were going to cause a disaster.” He was stood behind Liam Payne’s mum. He was second hand proud for her.

18.07 He recommends people watch The Truman Show. He watched it again last night. Good movie.

18.36 He went to see 22 Jump Street the other day - “I was just invited to go see it. So I was like, ‘Sure. Okay.’ I didn’t realise that it’d be a thing that, like, many people were going to. I thought, when I was told, ‘Hey do you want to just come to this, like, we’re showing 22 Jump Street.’ I was like, ‘Yeah, okay. Whatever.’ And then me and some friends just turned up in casual clothes. And then there were, like, VIP guests there and I was like, [ahhh] “I wasn’t mentally prepared for this. Thought it was going to be casual.” Um, but there were just like canapé. I didn’t know but Caspar and Marcus and, uh, Joe, love Joe Sugg by the way, I’ve never really spent the day with Joe, Thatcher Joe, until the One Direction day. He’s really great. I love Joe. Um. And obviously Casper and Marcus two, like, they look like Greek statues. Some canapé lady was walking past with a plate of tiny little burgers on a tray and she was like, ‘Would you like some?’ And obviously Marcus and Casper were like, ‘No. We’re good, thanks.’ And then Me and Phil were like sat there with our burgers like [opens mouth] into our faces. It was like the Finn Harries incident all over again. Basically. Tiny little burgers. That’s all you need to trap me in a room for 3 hours.”

20.09 He’s a soup person

20.13 Spotify update: Haim, One Direction, Earl Sweatshirt,

21.00 Mason feat. Princess Superstar – He used to listen to this song a lot when he was 14. He plays some of it. He was a big fan of it when he was younger. It had yoga balls in the video.

22.17 He was learning to play Seven by Tyler the Creator - “which was back when Tyler the Creator was in his very politically incorrect lyrics stage but very much still in his jazzy chords sounding music stage.”

22.47 There are no music tutorials for Mozart’s Lacrimosa on youtube. He’s been using youtube tutorials to learn how to play songs.

23.56 He can’t read music. He has perfect pitch. He has strong muscle memory and learns things by ear easily. He never learnt to read music because of this. It pissed off his piano teacher. He didn’t get on with his piano teacher.

27.01 “‘Dan, I just broke up with my girl- boyfriend and I feel horrible,’ says Isobel. Well that depends why did you break up with your boyfriend cause if you’re blaming yourself for things you don’t need to be harbouring guilt for then that’s not healthy.”

27.35 Horror movie talk. People need to get into the movies. He doesn’t like cynical people who don’t get into them. He tries to love things as much as possible.

29.20 Chat: ‘Had any existential crises recently?’ – Dan: “Constantly. I’m never not having an existential crisis. It’s not a joke.”

29.29 MCR vs 1 direction. – He prefers MCR.

30.00 “I downloaded Kill Your Darlings… legally, um, and I was gonna watch that. I was like, ‘Is it weird if I watch this by myself?’ No, Dan, it’s just a good movie.”

30:13 He hasn’t watched Human Centipede

30.19 “I’m interested in something. I wanna ask you guys something. […] What do you generally think of Ariana Grande? Not like you don’t like her kind of music. If you’re somebody that has no problem with that genre what- what are your general opinions on Ariana Grande?”

30:57 Chat: ‘She’s oversexualised on her innocence’ – Dan: “Ooh. Political. Very political to talk about Ariana Grande.”

31.07 “Um. It’s like I don’t think Ariana Grande is more or less fake than any other pop star just trying to be cool in a music video. I just think that for some reason Ariana Grande doesn’t pull it off as well. Like, when you see Beyoncé or Rihanna or Kesha just acting like, ‘I’m a bad bitch and blah blah blah.’ You don’t question it. You’re just like ‘Woo. Rihanna.’ But for some reason when Ariana Grande tries to do just the same thing that everyone else does everyone’s kind of like criticising her. I don’t know whether it’s because Ariana Grande’s younger and therefore younger teenage girls see her as more of someone like them, but someone to be a bit jealous of rather than Beyoncé who’s a woman therefore you don’t feel jealous of her. I don’t know. I don’t want to get too opinionated but I- I just wanted to ask.”

32.33 He talks about ISG - “I ask you guys to send me, uh, your kind of relatable life problems that is something that my wisdom could be imparted on and then I answer them…”

33.13 He talks about Shane Dawson’s hair – “Obviously, Shane Dawnson, iconic person with iconic hair but it was never, like, the best hair, was it? […] I feel like I could have better hair […] I like not looking exactly the same as every other person alive.”

34.00 He likes presents. He doesn’t like giving present lists

34.35 He first played as a Nord on Skyrim, Now he’s a Kahjiit “cause I’m a massive furry”

35.07 Chat: ‘Opinions on Charlieissocoollike?’ – Dan: “I love Charlieis- of course- of course I love Charlie. Charlie was like the god that everyone used to look up to back when the, uh, the popularity divide on youtube was much worse than it is these days. I love Charlie but then sometimes I- I disagree with a lot of his opinions. Oh my god. So, what’s with, uh, all this youtube culture stuff happening at the moment? I feel like I don’t really- I guess a lot- most of you guys probably saw Pewds video the other day where he just- I wish I could just turn on a camera and talk for four minutes and upload it instead of thinking about a video for 15 hours and then spending 3 days editing it but I guess if those are the kinds of videos that I have to make that’s something that I have to deal with. I dunno. Like, I guess the whole thing- I don’t- do you feel like there’s a wal- cause you know, like, Louise and Felix were like, “I’m gonna try to break down the wall between us.” I don’t feel like there’s a wall between us. Do you? It’s like, have you seen the conversations I have with you guys on twitter? I talk about the most mundane things constantly. I feel like there’s only a wall if you’re like Charlie and you don’t ever talk to someone. Strange. I mean, like, you go to a youtube event and there’s thousands of people that want to meet somebody and obviously there’s going to be a literal fence because that’s called crowd control but that’s another conversation. ‘There is a wall.’ Like, I don’t think that- I mean, you know, there’s [ughh] I don’t- [ughh] I don’t- I’m so over this whole- like, I hate youtubers just like dramatic and like dragging everyone else into conversations cause they’re also other youtubers. It makes me just want to be like, ‘Stop. Everybody stop. Everybody stop.’ It’s like, I don’t see you guys as fans, like, I’m not some bloody boy band member that treats you all like my internet girl slaves. You’re just other people on the internet, and yet it’s fun to be a fan, and, you know, there’s- there’s a community of people that watch our videos and that’s okay. [buuh] What? It’s fi- Do whatever you want, just, you know, the difference between being a fan or not a fan and then being the kind of person that gonna like screams or is a creepy stalker, that’s separate. But- There’s no wall. There’s merely a piece of glass between us. And several thousand metres of optical fibre and a satellite.”

37.25 Playing LoL would ruin his life so he doesn’t want to try

37.35 Chat: ‘So you like Felix?’ – Dan: “I love Felix immensely.”

37.49 He likes gherkins. Peas, mushrooms, sushi, gherkins, pickles

38.09 Die Antwoord opinions. They make good singles but not great albums. He stops talking about it because “no one cares”

38.45 “Sorry for tweeting obscurely about Death Grips the other day. You know, I just have to be myself, if, you know, if there’s not being true to yourself and then just tweeting in the way that you feel like people on the internet would want you to that’s one thing. And if there’s tweeting about things that you have an interest in but then not cause you don’t think anyone would be interesting, I feel like it’s important that even if no one gives a shite about what you’re talking about that you still tweet about it. So, um, yeah. Sorry if I ever tweet about some obscure news that none of you are aware of, but even if 99% of my followers are confused I’ll know that there’s like at least 23 people out there somewhere that will understand whatever I just said and they’ll be like, ‘Oh I didn’t know Dan liked that. Cool.’ Soz for being confusing.”

39.40 He had an SSD installed on his PC. That’s the most exciting thing that’s happened in his life recently.

40:37 “I like that some people are like, ‘I can’t believe they get paid to do this.’ It’s more for your entertainment than it is for our enjoyment. Like, yeah I buy a space hopper and have fun but I wouldn’t have a space hopper and try to do some kind of task and have the whole thing filmed and put on the internet forever just for my own fun.”

41.06 Brief Pokémon talk. Omega Sapphire

41.44 Rammstein talk. He loves them. He doesn’t have enough friends who like heavy music.

42.49 FOB/first concert talk. His first concert without parents was FOB

43.47 Favourite anime ever was Full Metal Alchemist. Anime talk.

44:33 Black Butler talk. “I found how shota- y the relationship between, um, Sebastian and Ciel was a bit weird at first but then it got less weird as the show continued. But then season 2 was like- it made me uncomfortable with its sexualness.”

44.55 “I might make a video about this one day. And the jist of the video would basically be how I find it- I find sexual-ness in anime weird especially when kind of middle aged Japanese men are sexualising, like, 10 year old boys and girls. Creepy.org. But Japan is a different culture to ours I guess. Larger conversation much like other opinions I might try to actually articulate that into something. Or not.”

45.28 Metal music talk. He hasn’t been thrilled with new stuff.

45:43 Death Grips talk - “A lot of you would really hate their music. A lot.”

47.25 Chat: ‘I met PJ on Monday’ – Dan: “Did you? Did you meet PJ? That’s funny. Were you stalking him? Were you stalking him? Don’t stalk people. It’s fun- like, on the concept of what’s stalking and what isn’t stalking, uh, if you meet someone that you know just walking about and you go up to them and say hi that’s fine, and if you know that that person is, well, you know, if it’s at like a meet up, uh, or something like that that’s obviously fine. And if you know someone is going to be somewhere at a certain place at a certain time but they don’t know that you’re going to turn up it’s not necessarily evil but, you know, that person isn’t entitled to talk to you cause they might be busy or something. But then working out where someone might be at a certain place and time is kind of like stalking them. That’s a bit creepy.”

48.40 Chat: ‘What do you think about GCSEs?’ – Dan: “In hindsight I think GCSEs are ridiculously easy exams. When I was doing them at the time they ruined my entire life. [laughs] You’ll be fine. You only need to get good GCSEs if you’re trying to get into a college that requires you to get certain GCSEs. Or you’re applying to Oxford and Cambridge, like I did, and then they tell you your GCSEs weren’t good enough. [laughs]”

49.30 “So yeah, in a- in like a future where I’ve sorted my life out I may not vlog entire days or maybe who knows? Maybe just vlog select cool, funny moments like Phil has been doing recently cause I like- I really like the idea of that. Or maybe if my problem is that I’d rather- I’d rather actually live life than worry about filming it and how I’m looking filming it. Which is the thing, you know, when I was with the 5 people vlogging their One Direction day, it was like, ‘Are you enjoying your lives? Or are you acting your lives and filming the lives which is making you not enjoy the lives?’ In that case if I’m doing something where I’m like, ‘I don’t know if I want to film while I’m there.’ I could always just talk about it. Like, you remember my ‘I am Mexican’ video that was me, like, talking about a holiday. It was kind of a vlog cause I was like telling you, like, funny stories but I got to enjoy life as it was happening.”

50.28 Chat: ‘I’m watching this while watching one of your videos’ – Dan: “No. Concentrate on the videos. Appreciate the work- I’m joking.”

50.52 Truth or Dare 6 in August probably

51.04 He had a country music playlist - “Are there any new country artists that aren’t just like [faux American accent] “My beer and my truck and my girl and my freedom and my dirt roads and my truck and my dirt roads and my cold beer.”

51:32 Chat: ‘Hunter Hayes’ – Dan: “Is he the, like, the country Justin Bieber? Hunter Hayes. Yes. He was at the Grammys. I was like, ‘I’m swooning. What’s happening? Who are you?’”

52:01 “Am I coming to Reading soon? I technically went through Reading the other day to get to my family’s house. What a dump. I’m joking. Never forget where you came from, Dan. Except I’d love to.”

52.40 “Oop. What do I think of Rihanna’s dress? You know, if Rhianna’s happy to do that I’m all for it. Fashion, you know what I mean? You know, there’s- you know, this is another, like, opinion-y thing I don’t know whether this is something that I’d ever talk about cause, you know when people are talking about, like, is it right for a girl to wear, like, X amount of clothes, I feel like there’s a difference between conversations on sexualisation and then just, like, your personality in the sense that some people are like, ‘I like Justin Timberlake cause he’s a gentleman and he’s always wearing a tuxedo and I wish that all men and women were like Justin Timberlake. And then Adele.’ But then other people are like, ‘Noo. It’s fun to be sexual. I love Rihanna and I love a- a sexual male and it’s okay to not wear clothes if you don’t want to.’ Yeah, you know, maybe that’s- maybe that’s not something that you should be politically forcing upon people or just being angry about and maybe just about your own personality and how you feel about ‘tastefulness’ and how much you care about that and ‘gentlemanliness’ as opposed to just being sexual. ‘Don’t start this conversation.’ Okay.”

54.19 “I have to go get ready for my thing that I’m going to that I’m sti- don’t really know what that is…”

54:41 “I’ll upload [his video] after my big day tomorrow. I hate attention. I’m not a birthday kind of person. I don’t mean that. But kind- like 10%. I love birthd- birthdays are fun.”

55.03 “Your homework is to listen to a genre of music that you think you hate and then try to like some of it.”

Last edited by lefthandedism on Fri Aug 03, 2018 10:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason:put video under spoiler for ease of page loading

I found this on my desktop in a notepad file that says it was created Sept 2016 and I'm just going to assume I wrote it even though I don't remember that far back, because I don't think this one has been done yet?

Dan - August 5 2014

0:00 I'm not sure it counts as hand porn when it's that close to the camera, but I don't really understand what people are into, so maybe.

1:05 He's wearing an "extra large" Zelda (pajama) t-shirt. He mentions this at least 4 more times later.

1:51 Me & Phil are putting other things in the office for "reasons"...

13:07 Are you going to make a truh or dare 6? "Yes, at some point." (Liiiiies.)

13:56 - 15:08 More last video talk, and teaching his grandma how to send photos over the phone.

15:58 Teasing for making a video with Tyler

16:43 - 22:00 Extended rant on Teen Choice Awards, corporations that use voting awards for clickbait, the difference of awards given by voting vs critics.
21:21 "That being said, if there is ever another situation like the Radio Academy Award, I am allowed to spam and beg on my knees and grovel like a shameless self promoting whore for a future award, so I reserve that right to be a hypocrite at any point in the future. Just so we all know."

23:08 About the leather hat being in DITL: "I like that I know my own videos... that I've been in." Cause you know, Phil's video technically, but close enough.

31:02 "Can you get Phil on camera? No, he's... not here. I don't know where Phil is." (That's definitely not him making noise in the kitchen later or anything.)

31:13 "Would I ever date Ariana Grande if you could? Are you kidding me? Why would I NOT date Ariana Grande?"

35:39 Upcoming holiday with friends. "Haven't [gone on holiday] since India with my family last December, which was not a holiday because it was with my family."

36:58 - 37:47 "Is vlogging not enjoyable? It is, but it's kind of a performance. I don't want to get too deep. I think that generally discussing philosophies on daily vlogging is a really interesting conversation that maybe I'll talk about one day in some format which means that will never happen because as if I'll ever do that." A bit more about playing up your life for the camera.

38:17 - Unpauses what he was listening to: Prelude in C Sharp Minor by Rachmaninoff. Music critic Dan gives his evaluation. Music plays through his final comments at 40:40-40:55. "That's like someone's grandma trying to play it."

39:14 About not posting videos on a second channel that could go on your main one. Slightly funny considering the earlier hinting at preparing for DAPG.

40:19 "'Thoughts on Guild Wars 2?' ... I thought about maybe making a guild for my followers on that game, but then I think because it's my happy escapism zone for when I'm just overwhelmed by the universe I want to keep it completely separated."

43:18 He has a memory foam pillow, can't sleep without it.

43:44 Actual piano playing! Well, attempted. He fails at playing the opening notes to Black Parade.
44:45-45:20 Longer version of Ingenue than we'll later get in DITL Christmas.
47:58 Tries & fails at Black Parade again.

51:02 Example sock in the hallway.

53:13 On doing a college advice video: "It wouldn't appeal to half of you. But then you could just bookmark it for 2 - 4 years time."

53:51 He's never been arrested, but he did hide from the police once or twice for loitering.

54:58 "'Who has it worse, girls or boys?' Let's not make it a competition and accept that life is generally awful for most humans due to biology and society."

56:24 He doesn't like sudoku and similar puzzles that are just a matter of time to solve. If he's going to solve it eventually, why take the time?

0.31 “Phil’s in the other room so he’ll probably throw tomatoes at me which we can look forward to, to be honest.”

0.37 “Dan, how am I? I’m fine. Thank you, person that asked.”

0.50 How audience is feeling in one word

1.20 “[Person] is depressed. Nooooo. Everybody- everybody cheer up [person] who’s depressed. Everybody type ‘cheer up, [person]’ into the chat until she’s not depressed anymore. It’s a good way- it’s a good therapy technique - shout at people until they stop being depressed. [fake shouting] I said be happy. There we go. There we go.”

1.51 Chat: ‘Come to Brixton’ – Dan: “Um. I’d probably get shot if I went to Brixton. I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

2.25 “Remember the days where this didn’t used to work. That was absolutely, uh, absolutely fantastic.”

2.32 “I can- I can try to prank call Phil cause that’s like my most demanded thing of all time.”

4.16 Chat: “Mother my children” – Dan: “I’m not- I’m not sure I’m ready for that commitment. I don’t really know you. See, that’s the thing. I would otherwise. I’d love to mother your children. But would that be just like I would be the adoptive mother or I am going to be impregnated by you and literally mother your children because that sounds a bit painful and I’m not sure how it would work. So, um, we’re gonna- we’re gonna have to give that one a miss I think.”

4.47 Chat: ‘I feel fat’ – Dan: “I feel fat. I’ve just been watching cooking shows and being like, ‘Aw. I would eat all of the things.’”

4.55 “People asking me how I am today, I am good today but I haven’t done anything. It’s been a very unproductive day for Daniel.”

5.04 Chat: ‘Get your tits out’ – Dan: “Okay, here we go, here we go [pulls his top down from his neck] Oh god, another- another shirt that just doesn’t stretch down long enough. Sorry, guys, but I’m not gonna- I’m not gonna ruin the neck of my shirt. I ju- I really want to get my tits out for you but it’s just not- it’s just not working.

5.21 Chat: ‘You look like a male version of Pocahontas’ – Dan: “wow. Yeah, that is- that is the first time I think I’ve heard that. I guess it’s a compliment.”

5.35 Chat: ‘I saw you in Lidl today’ – Dan: “Um, I haven’t been outside today so it was probably a paedophile who has had plastic surgery to look like me. So- that’s- that’s a bit awkward. Not as awkward as what happened with my landlord earlier. Oh god.”

5.51 “This is- this is [laughs] this is a good story about how I ruined my relationship with the person who I give money to for the rest of the year. Oh god, cringe. I guess that 80% of you still live with your parents.”

6.05 Chat: ‘Hello this is dog’ – Dan: “Yes. I think it’s, ‘Hello, yes this is dog’ actually but um. It was- it was a strange sequence of events.”

6.30 He did a tumblr only live show on Sunday and he’s going to do a ‘secret show’ in which he will tell only one social media platform at a time

6.54 Chat: ‘It was rubbish’ – Dan: “I don’t need you, [person]”

6.59 “But, yeah, there’ll- there’ll be a secret show for each social network. So, if you haven’t liked my Facebook page- this- I’m not doing it to get people to like my Facebook page I just like the idea of, like, secret shows that are not on Tuesdays that only a few people will come to but conveniently if you want to know when I do this secret show…” [promos his Facebook]

8.04 “Can you believe that it’s been a whole week since my last video? Like seriously. I mean seriously it has cause it’s about to be Thursday but, like, I feel like our last younow intimate session was like 4 hours ago. Life is going too quickly. I mean what do you think? Cause at the moment my life is going too quickly but I guess if you’ve got a job you don’t like or you’re at work is life slow? Type into the chat whether you think- is- is- are the weeks like boom boom boom and you’re like, ‘Woah. That thing. Was that really that long ago?’ Or are you like, ‘No. School has started and I’m already dying.’ Has it been the longest like two days of your life since it all started again? I can imagine it was. The most depressing period ever. [sings] The most depressing period ever.”

9.04 “Do any of you like school? Because some people – some people are like, ‘I can’t wait to just get back into the swing of things- [cut off by the sound of his youtube video playing on his screen] Woah. No my god, I went to my YouTube channel. Horror. Absolute horror. God, I hate it when that happens. I terrify myself.”

9.27 Chat: ‘Mine is full of chavs’ – Dan: “Oh no, [person]. Not a school full of chavs. I’m so sorry for you. You must have an awful time. My school was full of chavs but then it was half full of not chavs so it was okay. And they didn’t really mingle much cause they ranked the sets in order of intelligence so they were all sort of like in the sets where they set fire to the teacher. This was only at lunch time.”

10.32 “I need a haircut so bad. Oh my fucking- What do you guys think? Oh my god. I look awful. It’s ridiculous. I need- I should just get decapitated. There’s no hope. Where’s my hat? Where’s my hat, guys? That’s what I do in these situations.”

10.48 He talks about and plays with his hair

11.06 Chat: ‘Go short’ – Dan: “No, I think a lot of people would explode if that happened. Not like emotionally. Physically. They’d literally rupture in half...”

11.18 Chat: ‘Cut your hair it’s a bit too long’ – Dan: [laughs] “Thanks. It is. I think it is. It think I’m like- I- I need a haircut. I’ll sort that out this out this weekend.”

11.32 Chat: ‘Do what you want’ – Dan: “True, person in the chat. I should do what I want.”

11.49 Chat: ‘Afro’ – Dan: “Can you imagine how stupid I’d look with an afro? Can you even- can you even begin to imagine? I’d look absolutely, uh, I’d look like a- I’d look like a janitor that was secretly a sexual predator.”

12.14 “I look like I’ve, uh, either been dragged through a bush or had wild sex now…”

12.30 “So, now that we’re- now that we’re here and we’re spending quality time on our bed just me and you, well, you know, me, you and all the people lurking, ask me some questions. Let’s do this. Let’s- let’s get to know each other more expect- well, no I am getting to know you cause I ask those one word answer things…”

12.52 “What do you want to know? What do you want to know this week?”

13.01 Chat: ‘Where is Phil?’ – Dan: “In the other room. I’m going in there in a minute.”

13.15 Chat: ‘Are you clumsy?’- Dan: “not that clumsy. I’m usually quite, uh, keeping it together but then I do have my dropping things spontaneously.”

13.39 Chat: ‘Who do you ship?’ – Dan: [laughs] “Every week”

13.44 Chat: ‘Do you like kpop?’ – Dan: “Um, yeah, I like a lot of other things but they’re included in the- the myriad of things I like.”

13.56 Chat: ‘Did you touch the butt?’ – Dan: “Not yet but I’m working on it. I’m working on it.”

14.07 Chat: ‘Favourite band?’ – Dan: “Um, either probably Muse or Radiohead. When you’re asking a favourite band it’s not necessarily a band who you think makes the best music it’s like the ones that have like a- a part in your life like maybe one of the first bands you listened to like Green Day or Linkin Park or something like that.”

14.28 Chat: ‘Pepsi or coke?’ – Dan: “I’m a coke person. This is interesting. Oh wow, wow. Great questions today. Guys, Pepsi or coke? Type into the chat. I want to know. I want to know.”

15.19 Chat: ‘Loki’ – Dan: “Loki is not an option in Pepsi or coke, unfortunately. Should be. Should be a Tom Hiddleston flavoured coke.”

15.50 There are boxes under his desk because he’s still moving in

15.55 Chat: ‘Do you like coffee?’ – Dan: “I like it but I can’t be bothered to make it myself.”

15.58 He likes rap music

16.07 He doesn’t like coke zero nor does he like diet coke

16.18 Chat: ‘How’s the new apartment?’ – Dan: “It’s really good”

16.22 He asks if everyone liked his new video (Sleep)

16.26 “What did you guys think? Yay or nay? I’m guessing most of you aren’t going to be like, ‘Dan, it was shit.’”

16.35 Chat: ‘Why are you so posh?’ – Dan: “You need to learn what the word posh means. Posh is something to do with your, like, social upbringing. You know, a wealthy upper-class family or just middle class but, you know, horse riding. That’s the stereotype of posh. I’m not posh I just know how to talk. There’s a difference. There’s a completely different word for it called articulate. So, just cause I don’t speak like a pikey or like I’m trying to be black, um, doesn’t mean that I’m posh. It just means as that I talk like Winnie the Pooh to be honest. That’s what it’s all down to- it’s always Winnie the Pooh’s fault. Everything’s Winnie the Pooh’s fault. So many Winnie the Pooh feels.”

17.38 “What youtubers would you like to see me collab with? Cause I feel like I should do it more. I feel like I’m a bit anti-social on the internet. So, what- what youtubers would you like to see in a danisnotonfire video?”

17.51 Chat: ‘Do you know Charlie?’ – Dan: “Yeah, I’m not super friends with him but I know him and he’s really lovely.”

18.51 Chat: ‘Layna’ – Dan: “She’s so pretty isn’t she? She’s going out with Matt G or something. I have no idea. Isn’t she beautiful?”

19.00 Chat: ‘Community fucking channel’ – Dan: “Well that would be my- my all-time dream.”
19.04 “Half of these people I probably will at some point”

19.09 Chat: ‘Alex Day’ – Dan: “What- okay. This is- this is another opinion one. Guys, if you know who he is- if you don’t then just be bored for the next 30 seconds, Alex Day, yay or nay? Generally. Are you pro- pro Alex Day or [uggh]?”

21:29 Chat: ‘He cut his hair’- Dan: “Oh no. it looks good as like a Barbie that’s fallen into a tie- a tie pit- a tar pit.”

21.59 “I would like to stop touching my hair but I look like an awful tumour that’s been hit by a spade. [rolls away and gets his hat] ‘Dan, what does he look like? He’s my favourite youtuber. Well he, uh, he looks like a tumour that’s been hit by a spade. Cool. I think I might check him out.’”

22.17 “I’ve got the hat out guys otherwise I’ll just be sat there going [uggghhh] for an hour.”

22.20 Chat: ‘You look like Chewbacca’ – Dan: “Thanks. Thank you so much for saying that.”

22:32 Chat: ‘Are you gay?’- Dan: “No. You might be pleased to know cause you can totally marry me. You can kidnap me and force me to have your children.”

22.57 “Oh, tomorrow I’m going to this, like, swanky meal with some serious business people and Phil’s coming and it says that the dress code is elegant. What is elegant? How do I look elegant? Cause it says they won’t let you in unless you follow the guess- uh, follow the, um, the dress code and the dress code is elegant. How do I make myself elegant, guys? What- what’s defined as-” [starts reading chat suggestions]

23:25 Chat: ‘Suit’ – Dan: “I don’t think it’s full on suit. That would be a bit extreme.”

24.17 “Shout out to the Bermuda fans. I have fans in Bermuda? You always have the coolest things to the Olympic games. How’s the triangle going? Everything good in the triangle? Yep? Good.”

24.31 “I find it weird. Isn’t Bermuda owned by England or something? It’s weird. I don’t understand. I don’t understand why we own Northern Ireland. If I was the queen I’d be like, ‘Just have it back. This is awkward.’”

26.49 “But yeah. Oh my god. So, um, the intercom rang earlier in our apartment. It went [brrrr] and I jumped up and Phil was coming home from Manchester so I thought I was expecting it to be Phil and I was like how funny would it be if I picked up the phone and went, ‘Hello. Yes, this is dog.’ And the person was like, ‘Um. This is your land lord.’ And I was like, ‘Ahhhhh.’ Cause I literally- I was, like, hahah I walked up to it and just went, ‘Brrr. Hello, yes, this is dog.’ Expecting Phil to be like, ‘Ha ha ha.’ And I’d be like, ‘Oh ho ho.’ And it was like, ‘I’m your landlord’ and I was like, ‘Fuck my life. Fuck my life. Fuck my life.’ And then I went downstairs and he just looks at me wearing tracksuit bottoms and no socks like, ‘Who are you? How can you afford this apartment? What is your life? I hate you.’ And it was the worst.”

27.43 He shows his two favourite ties - a red tie and a copper tie.

28.13 Chat: ‘Please keep your hair natural more often’ – Dan: “It’s harder to look good natural than it is to look good straight cause sometimes I look like a hobbit that’s been hit by a train and that’s not a good look. Hobbit hit by a train is not a- is not a good look. If It was- if that was in right now then I’d just- I’d just never straighten my hair.”

29.10 “Today I was supposed to, um, I was supposed to plan a video, well, I’ve- I’ve already planned my next video, I was supposed to start filming it, my new video for Thursday night, and I didn’t. Ugh, I just- I had one of those days where I was like wake up, do a bit of tumbling, go on twitter, don’t check Facebook, what do you mean it’s 7pm? Ughhhh. What am I doing with my life? Was it- were your days like that every day of the summer? You wake up, do two hours of internetting or playing on an xbox and then it’s like, ‘Oh it’s dinner what- oh god. I’m gonna be 80 next week.’ [uggh] And it was- yeah. So, that was- that was my day. I got loads done. I tabbed some arm chairs form ikea and looked at kpop guys that I might wanna get my hair cut like. That was my day basically somehow and now it’s half 9 and I’m talking to you guys. S- ugh, I- I am an awful human being. Seriously, I, like, yeah, film my video today, spend two days editing it, and then having a relaxing Thursday. Nope. Nope. Just do absolutely nothing.”

30.19 Chat: ‘I want to give you a makeover’ – Dan: “Um, as in make me look like a girl or re- like, desi- I don’t think I need [laughs] a beauty and the geek makeover. A Princess Diaries fixing. Do you think I do? Do you think I need like a proper make over? What’s that show? Team whatever home edition but not home edition. Yeah, I need- I need proper make over like Anne Hathaway except with plastic surgery. ‘Throw out all your shitty clothes, Dan. I’m gonna teach you how to dress.’ Thanks, person that said that.”

30.55 “I don’t think- cause girls, like, throughout my life and throughout most boy’s lives, groups of girls are like, ‘Can we put make up on you?’ And it’s like, ‘Uhhhh.’ So, it’s like when I was 17 and my female friends would be like, ‘Can we make you look like a girl?’ All the- well, not all the other guys, some of the guys were like, ‘Yeah. Course you can.’ Some of them were like, [laughs] you know, not very comfortable with their sexuality probably so they were like, ‘No. No, you can’t make me look like a girl.’ The only reason I didn’t go ahead with it was cause I’d probably look a bit too convincingly feminine and that, like, no one would laugh they’d just- just be, uh, confused. They’d be like, ‘Wow. This is- this is just disturbing. It’s like someone has melted Kate Moss’ face or something and then punched it a bit.’ So, uh, yeah. I don’t wanna do that purely as I wouldn’t want to have blinded my friends with horror.”

31.49 Chat: ‘You look like a lesbian anyway’ – Dan: “Don’t offend lesbians. That’s really bad. What did they do to you?”

32.09 Shows his room. He says someone asks who’s on the floor ‘over there’ despite the fact that he hasn’t shown that area of his room at all in this live show

32.32 Chat: ‘Dye your hair blonde’ – Dan: “If I dyed my hair blonde I would look ridiculous cause I know I don’t look it but I am quite tanned so if I dyed my hair blonde I’d look like an orange. I’d look like some horrible EastEnders woman. Imagine Sookie from the Jersey Shore but with blonde hair. She’d literally look like a nectarine.”

32.55 Chat: ‘Are you slightly Asian?’ – Dan: “No, but I’ll take that as a compliment.”

33.28 Chat: ‘You live with a man’ – Dan: “You can live with somebody of the same sex without having sex with them. You know, um, if- if a straight girl and a straight girl lived in a house together they wouldn’t just suddenly become lesbians. I- I’m not going to be angry at you if you’ve never considered that before but that is fact I think.”

35.00 Promotes younow, tells people to become a fan. Says he gets a lot of messages of people who don’t know how to use the website

35:20 Chat: ‘Self-promotion time’ – Dan: “No. I’m just telling people how to join the website. It’s an important part of a website.”

36:04 He was watching reruns of Great British Bakeoff earlier

36.15 “Do you guys like cooking shows? Cause I’m obsessed with MasterChef when it’s on. Like, seriously, I’m frickin- like Masterchef is, like, serious business for me. Do you like cooking shows or do you just absolutely not give a shit?”

36.55 “I love food more than anything. Um, requirements for a girlfriend more than having a face or a non-vegetative brain is a loving of food. So, if anybody would ever want to be in a relationship with me then they have to like food a lot cause I love food.”

37.20 “‘I’m a cook said [somebody].’ Marry me. now. Come to England, wait outside my house and I will descend the stairs and we can just fly to Miami and get married spontaneously.”

37.33 Chat: ‘I like the necklace you’re wearing’ – Dan: [pulls down his shirt to show he’s not wearing a necklace] “Those swanky invisible ones. Now available at Topman, 6.99.”

37:58 He asks what kinds of tv shows that people like – “Cause some people are really into, like, reality shows. Do you guys- cause obviously there’s the people that just, like, like watching the Jersey Shore and The Only Way Is Essex and stuff like that and Kim Kardashian but then there’s some people that watch it cause they kind of hate Kim Kardashian and they just wanna laugh at how ridiculous they are.”

38.22 He asks if people are pro or anti reality shows

38.54 He says Holly Oaks is the worst

39:16 “I think- I think we should troll the comments on my last video because ‘butts buts butts’ was good and ‘sexy beavers’ was good and ‘placenta’ was good.”

39:30 “If everybody watching this right now- if you want to, you don’t have to if- if you’re currently juggling babies, riding on a flaming unicycle then I won’t expect you to do this but it is quite funny. If you go to my last video which is called I Can’t Sleep if you just [promos his youtube channel] and leave a comment containing the word ‘moist’. I- I really want to ruin people’s day when they see this video…”

40.12 “Leave a comment that somehow contains the word moist. You could just throw in ‘crusty’ if you just- or like ‘dripping’ or like ‘oozing’ any of those words will do but moist- moist is necessary and then for the rest of time when anyone goes to that video they’ll be horrified absolutely horrified-”

46.1 He asks if there’s anything else anyone wants to talk about before he goes to see Adam and Phil

46.42 Chat: ‘You have a nice butt’ – Dan: “Thanks.”

46.53 He wants to go to Poland

47.30 He turns the camera around to the piano and plays a few keys

47.55 Gives a brief tour of his desk. It has a map of Skyrim, Pokémon, Japanese sheet music, GOT map

48.08 Puts his laptop on top of the piano

48.13 Chat: ‘Are you rich?’ – Dan: [laughs] “No. I wish. That would be nice.”

48.19 Chat: ‘You are sassy’ – Dan: “I hate the word sassy”

48.21 Very briefly plays some piano

48.34 Goes to the lounge to see Adam and Phil

49:00 Phil comes on screen

49:13 Dan: “Someone said Phil they saw you in Lidl today. Did you go in a Lidl today?”
Phil: “I did not go in a Lidl today.”
Dan: “That was a paedophile. It wasn’t phil.”
Phil: “It was. It was my twin brother.”

49:27 They go into the kitchen to tell a story about a mouse

49:33 “So the other day I was- I’d been playing Guild Wars 2 for pretty much ab-”
Phil: “The kitchen’s a mess, don’t show the kitchen”
Dan: “About- about 12 hours straight. So, by this point I was effectively hallucinating cause I’d been playing it so much. Like, you know- I don’t know if you’ve had, like, um, tumblr sessions or just, like, scrolling on twitter or facebook so long that you kind of go a bit blind and you can’t see anymore-”
Phil: “Go insane.”
Dan: “-and you feel like you’re gonna start bleeding out of your eyes. Well, that was basically me cause I had been playing Guild Wars 2 for about 13 hours and then you weren’t here-”
Phil: “No. This is- this confused me.”
Dan: “-I was alone. I looked in the corner of my eye in the lounge and I thought I saw a mouse but the thing is, you know how sometimes you- you see something the corner of your eye and you’re like serial killer but then nothing’s there?”
Phil: “Yeah.”
Dan: “This wasn’t like that. This was like-”
Phil: “Actual-”
Dan: “-two seconds. I turn around and for like one second I was like, ‘Mouse.’
Phil: “How big was it?”
Dan: “And I made eye cont- it was like [this] it was really cute. But I fricking made eye contact with it and then it ran behind the tv stand and then I immediately stood up, and started- I turned on iSight to record my mouse hunting adventure and I couldn’t find the mouse.”
Phil: “Dun dun dun dun.”
Dan: “There was nowhere for it to go cause it ran behind the tv stand.”
Phil: “So then-”
Dan: “And there was no mouse-”
Phil: “So then Dan rang me and was like, ‘Phil, I think I saw a mouse but I might have been hallucinating so it might have been a mouse.’”
Dan: “And you were like, ‘You didn’t see it-”
Phil: “I was like, ‘Yeah, you didn’t see a mouse.’”
Dan: “Cause to be honest I’d- I’d been playing the game for so long I wasn’t- I didn’t even know what reality was. I didn’t know if my hands were my feet. I couldn’t tell.”
Phil: “Yeah.”
Dan: “So, even though I- I swore to fricking Jesus that I saw this mouse I- I just could not see this mouse at all.”
Phil: “No.”
Dan: “And then the other day, Adam- I come back and he’s like-” [points behind him]
Phil: “Adam’s not there by the way.”
Dan: “Well, no, yeah. Adam-”
Phil: “Adam is not the oven.”
Dan: “- Adam, the fridge, was like, ‘I see a mouse.’ And we were like, ‘What?’”
Phil: “Yeah.”
Dan: “And then a mouse was holding a pepperoni from some Dominos that we ordered and then ran under the wall and-”
Phil: “It’s got good taste.”
Dan: “-I was like, ‘I did see a mouse!’”
Phil: “Whoop.”
Dan: “Yeah, so then-”
Phil: “I bought a trap.”
Dan: “We have now bought a humane mouse trap that does not kill the mice.”
Phil: “Yeah, I was like- my mum was like, ‘Just buy a trap that kills it.’ I was like, ‘No. I’m not killing a mouse.”
Dan: “We’re- we- we wouldn’t kill a mouse, would we?”
Phil: “Mr Mousington.”
Dan: “No.”
Phil: “So, yeah.”
Dan: “Cause they were like, ‘It prevents the mouse from escaping by breaking its spine.’ And I was like, ‘Oh god, I don’t wanna do that to the mouse. It’s cute.’”
Phil: “So this- this one houses at least 10 mice so-”
Dan: “Without killing them.”
Phil: “No. It didn’t catch it last night.”
Dan: “It said it’s illegal to release them-”
Phil: “It is but I might-”
Dan: “It’s illegal to kill the mice but we will.”
Phil: “I’m gonna release the mouse.” Dan: “We’ll take it on an adventure and release it into the wild.”
Phil: “Let’s take it into the middle of the park.”

52:10 They show the mouse trap which has a pizza slice in it

52.29 Dan almost walks into the glass door – Phil: “That would have been amusing.”
Dan: “That would have been amuse-bouche.”
Phil: “I would gif that.”

54:25 Phil: “I’m clueless about Kpop but I’m hoping to learn now that Adam is here.”

54:42 Phil: “Me and Adam were just talking about ghosts. Do you believe in ghosts, Dan?”
Dan: “No.”
Phil: “I don’t but then I saw something-”
Dan: [laughs] “End of conversation.”
Phil: “-No, I just saw some footage of a ghost which has made me question it.”
Dan: “Shut up. You saw footage of a ghost that made you question-
Phil: “Yup.”
Dan: “-what on youtube?”
Phil: “No, my friend Keen(?) posted it. It’s going to feature in the first episode of the SAP cause it’s that spooky. Adam was spooked…”

55.08 Dan asks the chat whether they believe in ghosts

55.18 Phil: “I have a notion. Maybe the mouse is a ghost.”
Dan: “No, it’s a mouse.”

1:11:02 “This is probably the last time you’ll see Adam ever. So, do you want to say good bye to your new friends?”
[Adam says bye]

1:11:35 Dan: “If I don’t just play Guild Wars all day tomorrow then there’ll be a video on Thursday but if there isn’t then you should just presume that I’m just comatose on the floor-”
Phil: “Yeah, I’ll try- I’ll try and make him work”
Dan: “-and that Phil’s abandoned me. I’ll just- I’ll just literally be in a- a vegetative state plugged into the computer. So, yeah, um [turns to Phil] what time do I do my videos? It’s like 9 o’clock isn’t it ish?”
Phil: “Thursday at 9.”

Last edited by lefthandedism on Fri Aug 03, 2018 10:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason:put video under spoiler for ease of page loading

0.13 Chat: ‘Omfg you’re on time’ – Dan: “I know it only took me two minutes to log on this time. See, usually what I do is I- I go, ‘Oh it’s 9 o’ clock okay I’m in the queue’ and the guy before’s going, ‘Like me!!’ And, well, I don’t wanna- I l- I let him say goodbye. So, thanks, [person], for making my audience warm for me. That’s not gonna be weird. That’s not gonna not be weird, is it?”

1:03 Chat: ‘How are you?’- Dan: “I’m good. I’m a bit tired today. I have a- a coffee in a Milka mug. Don’t really drink coffee cause I can’t be bothered to make it.”

1:14 His elbow is healing from falling up the escalator. It cut deep – “Even yesterday I was like I can’t browse on the bed cause it hurts to do anything.”

1:34 He fell up an escalator story – He was on the London Underground at a really busy travel time - “I was listening to headphones that were kind of half dangling off my head and I was holding a bag but I only had one strap on because I was like, ‘Get up and run.’ And I was holding a carrier bag and on the phone to somebody and my pants were falling down, obviously, cause when are my jeans not falling down? All of these things combined with the fact that I was running up the stairs…” He wasn’t paying attention.

4:08 Someone in the chat met Jedward today – “What was that like? I c- I can imagine that’s a pretty surreal experience.”

4:14 Asks how the chat is feeling in one word - “No saying moist or penis. Or just- just don’t type ‘vagina’ in capslock cause vagina isn’t an emotion.”

4:30 He can’t play the guitar but he can play piano and the drums

4.57 It was a pointless exercise because people are just typing gross words into the chat

5.18 School has started again discussion

5.50 Chat: ‘Are you going back to uni?’ – Dan: “I want- [sound of frustration] you know how at the end of my sleep video I was like, um, ‘I’m gonna make side channel video next week.’ I made, um, a video which was me- it was like a blooper reel of that video, of the I Can’t Sleep video, cause there’s a bit where I say- I can’t remember what it is, but, um, it’s a tongue twister and I- literally it was like 5 solid minutes of me not being able to say this one sentence and it was just so totally embarrassing and awful but um, yeah, and then I think it was like, ‘Waweweweweweww.’ And it was hilarious but then I deleted it. So, I was like, ‘Hey, guys, side channel video next week.’ And then it was ten to midnight on Sunday and I was like, ‘Everyone’s thinking, ‘Where’s the video, Dan?’ And then I’m going to be like, ‘Ayyy.’’ And then upload it with like one minute to go which was my plan and then I find out that I deleted the video. Plonker. So, then I was gonna make one on Monday which was yesterday but then I dunno I was just gonna- I wanted to make one that was, um, ‘What?!’ ‘Fool.’ Says people. Hey, I know. I know I’m a fool you don’t need to rub it into my face.”

7.05 Chat: ‘Dan you’re so stupid... you’re a boob… fail… face-palm…’ – Dan: “Oh god. Guys, stop annihilating me. I feel bad cause it was really funny. Anyway, I wanted to post a video to just like start a new chapter, like, ‘Hey, guys. I’m gonna start posting more side channel videos.’ Then I was like, ‘Wh- why would I make a video saying that I’m gonna-’ Ugh, awful. So, um, yeah. There’s one- cause I do wanna explain to you guys what I’m doing with, uh, uni and stuff like that but that’s not really danisnotonfire material cause it’s boring as shit but you might want to know, so, that’s gonna be a side channel video but I wanted something to be a bit more exciting than that and it kind of links to a video that I’m thinking of making at some point that I’ve had the idea for for about 4 months, I’ve just been waiting for the moment which is every video ever.”

7.56 “The next video that- that’s not boring ‘hey guys, this is my life’ some people might find that boring but that’s what my side channel is for. For the people that think things are boring.”

8.08 Chat: ‘More day in the life of Dan and Phil?’ – Dan: “Yeah, more day in the life vlogs cause I think they’re really fun. Like, my ‘You’re a Wizard, Dan’ video that I uploaded like frickin four months ago or something cause that was fun, isn’t it? I like doing those. I like doing them but they’re not very creative, are they? So they can’t really go on danisnotonfire but they’re super cool so I’ll do those all the time I just need to- I just need to get the ball rolling. I feel like I’ve- I’ve put off starting side channel videos again for so long that it’s like [ugh] but I should just- I should just do it- I should just go crazy. You’ll get that sometime this week. Sometime this week. Maybe there’ll be bloopers from the video that I’m filming tomorrow.”

8.46 He’s filming a video tomorrow that he calls the ‘spiritual sequel’ to his shipping video “cause it’s about that kind of thing again cause that’s- yeah.”

9.15 Chat: ‘You said that two weeks ago, Dan.’ – Dan: “Phil is not on fire? I don’t think I said anything about that. Probably said something about side channels two weeks ago though.”

9.28 SAP ‘probably next week’

9.35 “I was away this weekend cause it was my grandmas 70th birthday.”

9.40 He took a picture of a church and its reflection and turned it upside down – “That’s like the extent of my imagination in the photo department”

10:06 Chat: ‘Did you tell her we said happy birthday?’ – Dan: “I did say that lots of people from the internet were saying happy birthday.”

10.12 Chat: ‘Hipster’ – Dan: “I don’t know. Creating things- being creative is the antithesis of hipsterness. Cause being a hipster is all about liking quirky things because they’re cool as opposed to just being quirky and, you know, it’s like people call PJ a hipster and he’s not. He’s the complete opposite of a hipster.”

10:41 Damien Hirst t-shirt – “I think it’s weird cause, um, I have an Alexander McQueen t-shirt which is basically, you know, his skull design and I feel like I’m a bit- it’s a bit weird cause Damien Hirst isn’t really a fashion thing and I have one that looks exactly the same. ‘That’s so emo.’ Not really.”

11:13 They went to the Damien Hirst – “We’d had a member’s card that someone lent us to go see this exhibition for about a month and we ended up going to see it on the last, like, hour that it was open ever on the last night.” (In another liveshow he mentions it was Cornelia who gave the card to them.)

11:48 Chat: ‘Prank call Phil’ – Dan: “You have no idea [laughs] No- He’s in the other room he can hear me talking.”

11:56 His favourite colour is gold

12:04 He got some postcards from the exhibition - “I feel like there’s something wrong about going to see real art and then buying stuff from the gift shop, you know what I mean? Like, I was like it’s cool and I want it but then I felt like there was- it was almost wrong or weird that I was buying stuff from a gift shop after seeing an artist. I don’t know, you know what I mean? It’s like buying the postcard of it it’s kind of like he’s laughing at you for not being a true art fan or something but yolo.”

12:31 He shows a post card of a black sheep in a tank of formaldehyde – “That was Phil’s favourite thing. The black sheep in the tank of formaldehyde.”

12:39 Talks about the exhibition - one of his favourite things was an angel carved out of marble

13:36 Chat: ‘Screw you. I’ve got to do my philosophy assignment’ – Dan: “Go do it. Or do it at the same time. I can get philosophical. What is the meaning of life? I’d tell you but I might want to explain those views in a video at some point. Lies.”

13:50 He found his ‘twat hat’ and puts it on

13:57 He needs a haircut. He calls his hair a ‘controversial topic’

14.16 “I will spend ages doing my hair when I’m about to go outside just to get some milk. Not if I’m seeing friends. Not if I’m going to go see friends. Like seriously, if all I need to do is cross the road to get some fricking butter I will make sure that I look totally good but I won’t do my hair if I’m about to do a live show in front of 6000 people. And most of the time I don’t bother to do my hair or make it look nice or anything before I make a video. Especially last year. And you think that’s a bit weird crossing the road I might bump into two or three people and seeing as I like to use self-service checkouts maybe even 0 human interaction but oh no when I’m talking to 300,000 people I’m just [pffff] tramp mode activate. Oh dear. It’s a bit- it’s a bit fat at the moment, my hair. It’s a bit mushroomy.”

15:07 “Phil was gonna get his hair cut- he was thinking of something drastic but then he just got it cut shorter.”

15.14 Asks what hair cut he should get

15.38 Every man in the country has the same quiff right - “I think that’s boring so I- I wouldn’t want to look like everyone else” but he’s thinking of getting it cut shorter

16.01 He says people should email him or tweet him photos of hair cuts

16.36 Chat: ‘Jedward hair reversed’ – Dan: “What does that even mean? You have to admit it- it looked quite cool with their hair down which is basically just Phil’s hair.”

17.00 Shows more Damien Hirst postcards

17.25 Chat: ‘Are we going to troll the comments on your last video?’ – Dan: “I’ve decided to stop doing this as, um, the amount of fun I had discussing the word with people and how hilarious I actually found the comments, people seem to think that I was doing it for insidious promotional reasons which was wrong. I just thought it was funny cause to be honest trolling the comments on my own video isn’t really going to help my onw video get more views if people have already seen it. So, um, yeah. But anyway we’re- we’re not going to do that anymore cause I can’t be bothered. I can’t deal with people moaning.”

18.11 Chat: ‘Dye it rainbow and be gay’ – Dan: “I don’t think- who has rainbow hair? That sounds awful.”

18.22 Chat: ‘Troll Phil’s videos’ – Dan: [makes a face of contemplation, laughs] “Tempting but he might not like that. Everyone leave derogatory comments about Phil’s mum on his last video. No. that would be mean. Let’s not do that.”

18.38 Talks about his Mario hat – it’s the worst but it’s cool

19.01 “It’s a cool object. We actually have it on like a shelf in our living room basically as decoration. Cause if we can’t wear it without people complaining at least we can decorate our living room with it.”

20:09 “I only achieve things with a deadline that’s how my procrastination works, like, the reason that I said I would make a video every Thursday is cause if I didn’t upload a video by the time people woke up on the Friday morning everyone would hate me so if Dan only makes a video once every 3 weeks what’s a way to actually make him make videos? An internet promise that he can’t break. So maybe I should just do that with every aspect of my life.”

20.35 He still remembers his grade 3 piece

20.52 Chat: ‘Do you like pandas?’ – Dan: “Yes, although I don’t think they should be alive anymore. Like, they’re quite lovely but if- if creatures are clearly supposed to die out because they’re awful then I think we should just let it happen. Cause, you know, pandas are super cute but they- they can’t fend off predators, they don’t even know- they only eat one thing that’s declining, and they don’t even like having sex. I mean come o- like if some- if a species is saying please let me die, it’s something that won’t eat, prevent itself from dying, or have sex, to be honest.”

21:35 “I’m joking. Of course, we should keep pandas alive. I’m just saying that- I’m just pointing out that they’re awful awful creatures.”

21.44 Red pandas are the superior panda in the panda family

21.50 Chat: ‘You’re in jail’ – Dan: “Aw, I didn’t see it. Who put me in jail? It costs a lot of coins to put someone in jail so it’s actually a gesture of love. Like, throwing tomatoes at someone on younow is the most expensive thing you can do. So, it’s- if anything it’s like I respect you so I’m gonna spend my savings on throwing tomatoes at you.”

22.10 Chat: ‘Let’s spam Phil on twitter’ – Dan: “I don’t know how much that would really, um, affect Phil. He could just not look at his @ replies and then it wouldn’t be much of a problem.”

22.31 His favourite piano piece is Moonlight Sonata’s 3rd movement or Rachmaninoff's Prelude in G major – “That’s how not cool and nerdy I am. Oh what? I meant 50 Cent.”

22.56 Chat: ‘Spam Phil’s recent video with comments’ – Dan: “That won’t- that wouldn’t- it wouldn’t be worth it cause he’s about to upload the video that we’re filming in half an hour and by about to I mean tomorrow probably or the day after.”

23.11 He used to know how to play Aerith’s theme. He can play Vincent’s Theme - he shows the sheet music for it. He wants to learn To Zanarkand.

23.52 Chat: ‘Get Phil in here’ – Dan: “Later. Calm down, [person].”

23.59 Wikipocalypse. Trashing Wikipedia happened. He doesn’t condone it but he thought it was hilarious. “I might start a new segment at the end of my videos called ‘crazy things some of Dan’s subscribers got up to on the internet this week’ cause there’s always something and if not then I can just drop a photoshopped gif of us onto some giraffes.”

25.08 “I am obsessed with Sweden. I’m obsessed with books written in Sweden. Films set in Sweden. Swedish girls that sing in English language but with a Swedish accent. Everything about Sweden is magnificent. Sorry, Norway. I’m sure you’re just as interesting.”

25.32 Someone asks his favourite book he says he doesn’t know but he recommends The Edge Chronicles. He was obsessed with them when he was 12 and he still reads them now.

27.04 Chat: ‘Coffee or tea’ – Dan: “I like both. I don’t like making coffee or tea because myself just cause I can’t be bothered. Like, putting on a kettle and then I don’t like drinking things cause they’re hot. I don’t know.”

27.20 Chat: ‘Did you or Phil decorate your apartment?’ – Dan: “We both did. But we haven’t finished. We haven’t finished. So, that’s why we haven’t done a flat tour video yet cause we haven’t finished after being here for two months.”

27.31 Favourite word – lugubrious

27.41 He only learnt how to play chess about 2 years ago. He doesn’t like chess because you have to think ahead too much and he can’t be bothered

29.24 Become a fan – “I’ll only say this once because I hate doing it… [spon]… I feel like I’m doing something wrong if I don’t do a younow show and go, ‘Hey guys, press the be a fan button if you haven’t already.’ But makes me- makes me a bit sick in my mouth but, um, I feel like I should say it.”

30.14 Chat: ‘Walrus song?’ – Dan: “Yes. I presume you probably only know about the walrus song because of the thing that me and Phil-”

30.33 Chat: ‘What did you take in 6th form?’ – Dan: “I took geography, psychology, law, and English literature. Four very wordy booky subjects but I did okay. I didn’t work very hard but I was just naturally a bit of a geek.”

30.54 Chat: ‘Are you gay?’ – Dan: “Um, no. Don’t worry.”

31.03 Elbow update

31.21 Chat: ‘Can you be bothered to do anything?’ – Dan: “No. Generally speaking. Generally speaking, no, I can’t be bothered to do anything.”

31.28 “My hair is awful. I don’t- why- I don’t know why you guys like it. It’s just so messy. Everyone with hair- all the guys in the bands have, like, super styled whatever and I’m a just like a big Luke Skywalker that’s had sex with Toad from the Mario universe. That’s exactly what I look like.”

31.47 He does that 360 rotation of his wrists thing

32.01 Chat: ‘Favourite painting style?’ – Dan: “I don’t like surrealism. That’s not really a painting style though, is it? I just thought I’d say that cause I went to the Tate Modern and I was like, ‘Don’t get it. Don’t like it. It’s just a fucking chair shut up.’”

33.33 “Fun fact for you all, Arthur is what inspired me to take up piano lessons...”

35.00 He used to know the whole of Fur Elise but he forgot it. Plays some of it.

35.24 Chat: ‘I know all of it’ – Dan: “Congrats. I’m jealous.”

35.33 He thought it was weird how the characters in Arthur were animals but had pets - “Don’t analyse it, Dan. It’s a kids tv show.”

35.58 “If you’re like- if you’re like thirteen, fourte- no matter, okay, no matter how old you are, unless you’re like 18, 19, 20, in which case you’re in the same boat as me where it’s too late, if you’re young, take up piano lessons. Cause if you just- If you get your parents to force you to learn the piano or the guitar or the clarinet or anything, you’ll just do it once a week while you’re in school you’ll just find by the time you’re 19 and you go to college or uni, you’ll be really awesome and everyone will be jealous. So, one thing I’ll say to you now is if you’re like 12, 13, 14, 15 get instrument lessons cause by the time you go to college or university everyone will be well jealous of your leet skills.”

37.09 Chat: ‘I play ukulele because Charlie.’ – Dan: “A lot of people play ukulele because Charlie. I don’t. I like Charlie though.”

37.20 Chat: ‘I play drums.’ – Dan: “That’s cool. I think that girls that play drums are cool. Well, there’s nothing not cool about guys that play drums. I suppose it’s just rarer.”

37.41 Chat: ‘Your skin is flawless’ – Dan: “No. I’m just not close enough to the camera.”

37.48 Chat: ‘I play Phil’s mum’ – Dan: “Ahaha. You got there first.”

37.56 He wanted to get up to grade 5 but he stopped his piano lessons at approximately grade 3-4

38.24 Xbox vs Playstation - PSN is shit

39.21 Chat: ‘Where’s Phil? You promised me this, Dan’ – Dan: “No, I didn’t. This is my live show. Phil’s in the other room. I’ll go say hi to him before I finish. Like I always do.”

39.30 Chat: ‘Do you enjoy memes?’ – Dan: “Generally. I think it’s like, like bands that you like until everybody likes them and then you don’t like them cause they’re not cool anymore. That’s what memes are like. They’re exactly the same thing. It’s like memes are amazing and hilarious when they’re some underground inside joke but then a week later everyone’s like, ‘Ugh, ugh. Who says yolo anymore? Die. Oh my god.’ And sometimes I’m like, ‘I remember why that was funny at one point.’ So, I wish it still was. I think it’s a shame that memes die cause they gout of fashion which they do.”

40.06 Milky Bars make him a bit sick because they’re intensely white

40.11 “Adam is out having Nandos with Tyler Oakley but me and Phil had to go do a video and I have to go do this.”

40.20 Chat: ‘Dan, what was your dream job?’ – Dan: “To be an actor.”

40.24 Chat: ‘Racist’ – Dan: “Was that in response to anything in particular? I don’t-”

40.31 He spends more time playing Guitar Hero than Super Mario Bros

40.38 He thinks there’s better platformer than the Super Mario brothers but he appreciates the “retroness” of the 1st games. The Mario 3d games are ‘quite excellent’.

42.05 Chat: ‘You are good at talking’ – Dan: “Am I? I’m good at waffling.”

42.17 Guilty pleasure is High School Musical “cause it’s the most awful thing in the world but it’s hilarious”

42.30 Chat: ‘Would you ever do a let’s play?’ – Dan: “They’re very long. I dunno. Som- I- I- I feel like I’m- I’m having a constant crisis with youtube. Cause there’s so many things that people do that are just like weekly things that are really easy to make. Like, well, not that epic meal time’s easy to make but like that. Imagine if Super Amazing Project was all I did it would be a lot less creatively draining on me. Gaming people have the easiest job ever. They just have to film them playing games. Maybe I should get a gaming channel, I just wouldn’t want no one to watch it.”

43.06 Howell is a Welsh surname

43.23 Prefers Gameboy to 3DS

43.43 Prefers Radiohead to Coldplay

43.56 Prefers N64 to NES. Prefers PS1 to N64 - “I had an N64 though. Loved it to bits.”

45.24 Chat: ‘What’s your favourite country?’ – Dan: “I- I don’t imagine I’d live anywhere other than England unless I was super rich and I could have like a house in LA or something.”

45.35 Chat: ‘Can you drive?’ – Dan: “Oui.”

45.38 Chat: ‘Black and white or technicolour?’ – Dan: “Why would I say black and white?”

46.30 American Idiot was the first album he ever bought with his own money

46.45 Chat: ‘What noise do you think an interrobang would make?’ – Dan: “What does that even mean? Punctuation doesn’t make a sound. I suppose it would be like an inception noise. At least that’s what I would make it.”

47.05 He had to study Of Mice and Men in school

47.16 Chat: ‘Do you like Mario Kart?’ – Dan: “Yeah, but it’s one way to fall out with your friends.”

48.01 Chat: ‘How did Inception start?’ – Dan: “I don’t know. I just- i think we both thought that the noise was quite hilariously dramatic to use in undramatic situations. Like most of my humour, it’s laughing at something because it’s bad. Essentially my videos.”

48.20 Plays the Pokémon theme on the stylophone then plays bits of other songs

50.18 Chat: ‘Do you have an Xbox live?’ – Dan: “Yes, but I won’t add you on it cause I don’t go on it often enough.”

50.25 Shout out to all the mums

50.34 Plays more stylophone

50:52 Chat: ‘My dad thinks you’re gay’ – Dan: “Why? Has he seen me having sex with a band? With a- with a- fuck, I need to stop reading things in the chat as I’m saying things out loud. Good for your dad and his judgement.”

51.25 He likes seedless grapes, not seeded grapes

51.34 Chat: ‘Reddit or 9GAG?’ – Dan: “Dear god. Reddit. Is that even a question? That- that was for Reddit by the way.”

51.41 He likes pineapple

52:01 Chat: ‘Can you play any Final Fantasy tracks on the piano?’ – Dan: “Yeah. There’s one that I’ve played like a thousand times. I won’t play that again.”

52.38 Chat: ‘Do you like The Kooks?’ – Dan: “Random. Um, I like Naïve and a few of their other songs. They’re a bit generic. Don’t want to offend you.”

53.01 Chat: ‘Would you ever join Big Brother?’ – Dan: “I- thing is, I wouldn’t. I’d really, really fricking love to go on Big Brother cause it would be a great experience and it would be really fun and I think I’d be really good but, uh, in this reality I don’t think I’d ever go on it. Cause it- you- yeah.”

53.28 Chat: ‘You would be awesome’ – Dan: “I think I would be. I wouldn’t- I wouldn’t- I wouldn’t, uh, I wouldn’t handle people being stupid, would I? But it would definitely destroy my entire life so I don’t think that would be worth it.”

53.51 Chat: ‘You would hate everyone on it.’ – Dan: “I’d probably like a few people. I don’t think I’d hate the people I’d just, uh-”

53.57 Chat: ‘Apple or Samsung?’ – Dan: “That’s a bit random. Um. Uh, I have an iPhone and a Mac and then I have a Samsung tv. So, I guess they’re both better for different things.”

54.29 “Okay, guys. I feel like- I feel like it’s Phil o’clock. I feel like it’s, uh, Phil time. Phil time of day.”

54.42 Chat: ‘Are you a peasant?’ – Dan: “My geography teacher called me a peasant once. That’s an anecdote for another day.”

54.53 Someone asks who’s he skyping with and he replies, “Shout out to the mum that thought that.” but a few minutes earlier there were skype sounds coming from his computer

55.08 Chat: ‘Giggle’ – Dan: “I’m glad you’re giggling, [person]. Better than the person that said they were depressed earlier.”

56.28 [To the tune of the rave time song] “Phil time, Phil time, Phil time. Phil time, Phil time, Phil time. Don’t step on the phan. Google in your ship. Dan’s breaking holes in the ship. Breaking all your theories. Everybody cries when Dan blows holes in the ship.”

58.14 Phil: “Okay, I found this weird video. I want Dan to watch it and explain to you what he’s seeing.”
Dan: “That’s the guy in the thing. Phil, it’s the human slinky. It was on Britain’s Got Talent.”
Phil: “Was it?”
Dan: “Yes. God, Phil just discovered human slinky, guys.”
Phil: “I just discovered the human slinky. Why have I not seen this before?”
Dan: “It was on America’s Got Talent. It was on Britain’s Got Talent. You just- just need to get your life together, Phil.”
Phil: “Well, if you look at the comments everyone’s like, ‘What? Where did you find this?’”
Dan: “Did you tweet it or like it or something?”
Phil: “I liked it.”
Dan: “You liked it, did you?’”
Phil: “Uh huh.”
Dan: “I watched a slinky and I liked it.”

58.50 Katy Perry talk

59.11 Phil has been going through pinof questions
Dan: “I’ve got some that might not make the cut cause they’re a bit rude.”
Phil: “We were trying to work out what we could say.”
Dan: “-and what we can’t say dun dun dun.”
Phil: “What was- what was one that you were gonna say but we can’t say it?”
Dan: “Okay, don’t look. Cause, um, I might- I might ask- I might ask these and just see if you say them. I’m not gonna spoil any of them for you.”
Phil: “Okay, let’s keep it a surprise.”
Dan: “There’s a couple vagina related ones and a couple paedophile related ones.”
Phil: “You can say paedophile and vagina on my channel.”
Dan: “Yup.”
Phil: “Maybe not in the same sentence.”
Dan: “Phil. There’s a line-”

59:51 Phil [reading the chat]: ‘Play with Phil’s hair, Dan.’
Dan: “-and you c- No, you-”
Phil: “I’ve been getting so many weird emails about- someone sent me an email saying, ‘Hey, you guys should have hair sex where you intertwine your hair and make noises.’ I was like [pulls a face].”
Dan: “Let’s not do that.”
Phil: “No.”

1:01:33 Dan calls out someone in the chat who types into the chat that they used to be obsessed with rectums
Phil: “Oh. That’s awkward.”
Dan: “TMI.”
Phil: “T- T- T- TMI.”
Dan: “There are some things you type into a younow show and some things that you don’t.”
Phil: “We saw it.”

1:02:01 Phil: “I love complaining to companies cause they send you free stuff. And I once sent Haribo an email and they just sent me loads of stickers cause I sent them an email.”

1:02:09 Chat: ‘Do you check your customer service department thing?’ – Dan: “I’m gonna start that tomorrow. I’m having a day off today. I played Guild Wars for seven hours.”
Phil: “And now we’re going to film Phil is not on fire.”
Dan: “And then we’re gonna go film Phil is not on fire 4. Sounds like a good day.”
Phil: “I’m excited. Could possibly be the best one yet. Let’s not get peoples hopes up.”

1:05:46 Phil used to watch the weather whilst eating his breakfast – “So I got, like, really close to the weather woman and then when she stopped working there I was sad.”

1:05:54 Dan: “My mum told me my first ever crush on someone was a crush on that newsreader.”
Phil: “Who?”
Dan: “The black one with the afro.”
Phil: “Moira Stewart.”
Dan: “Moira Stewart.”
Phil: “You should all google Moira Stewart and see who Dan had a crush on.”
Dan: “According to my mum my first ever crush was Moira Stewart.”
Phil: “That’s amazing.”
Dan: “Yeah.”
Phil: “Moira Stewart.”
Dan: “That’s funny. No one will have a clue who she is cause-”
Phil: “But-”
Dan: “-I was like two when this happened.”
Phil: “You have to google it. It’s hilarious.”

1:06:23 Chat: ‘Who’s taller?’ – Dan: “Depends on what shoes we’re wearing is the answer to that.”
Phil: “We’re about the same height basically.”
Dan: “It doesn’t help that I always wear my white high tops that are like platform boots.”

1:06:53 Chat: ‘Why do you straighten your hair?’ – Dan: “Cause it doesn’t always look as nice as it does in that video. Sometimes it just looks awful.”

1:07:00 Dan: "I went to the museum with curly hair when we went to see Damien Hirst.”
Phil: “You did.”
Dan: “And I looked awful then.”
Phil: “You entered a cow with curly hair.”
Dan: “And we won’t put any more context to that. I think we should just leave it there.”
Phil: “I entered a calf.”
Dan: “Yeah.”

1:08:48 Dan: “I met a girl in the Damien Hirst gift shop-”
Phil: “Did you?”
Dan: “-which is quite funny. Yeah.”
Phil: “Oh yeah I remember.”
Dan: “A random place to bump into one of you guys. The last, like, the last 15 seconds before they kicked people out of the Tate Modern on the last night at about midnight.”
Phil: “She was there.”
Dan: “She was like, ‘Are you off the internet?’ And I was like, ‘Hey.’”
Phil: “I didn’t think she knew who I was so I kinda walked away but apparently she did.”
Dan: “And she was like, ‘Why is Phil ignoring me?’”
Phil: “Sorry if you’re watching. Cause sometimes people meet one of us and don’t know who the other one is.”
Dan: “Which is always funny.”
Phil: “So they’re like, ‘Uh, guy, take a picture.’ Do you not know who I am?”

1:09:33 Chat: ‘Are you two brothers?’ – Phil: “Yes.”
Dan: “Hah, mm. There would be a lot of creepy people on the internet if we were.”

1:09:50 [Phil tries to poke Dan’s face] – Dan: “Why are you poking my nose?”
Phil: “I was actually trying to get your cheek but I have no depth perception.”
Dan: “So you touched my nose. You ended up doing-”
Phil: “I was wondering why-”
Dan: “-accidental glabella stroking.”
Phil: “Yeah, I thought that you were a ghost but you’re not.”

1.59 “So, I’ve had a really nice day. I’ve been walking around London and then I went to see Pacific Rim at the imax which was insane. I really enjoyed it.”

2.08 Pacific Rim discussion – “It was 3D. Usually I’m not a fan of 3D. I’m on the camp of no 3D but I didn’t mind the 3D too much. Some of it was a little bit blurry…”

2.35 “If I was a film critic I’d give it four and a quarter stars out of five. Which I think is a pretty fair review…” it’s kind of cheesy but you like the characters

2.54 Younow spon. Become a fan

4.10 He tried bubble tea again. He’s not sure he likes it because he doesn’t like the tapioca balls

4.46 It’s really hot - “My head is sweating. That’s a sexy image.”

5.12 Chat: ‘Tell Dan to wax’ – Phil: “Dan passed his test. He uploaded on time so he doesn’t have to wax. It would have been quite entertaining to watch that happening though. We could have got Bryony to do it today.”

5.38 Chat: ‘He did not pass his test’ – Phil: “I’m not going to fight Dan’s battles, you’ll have to ask him about this one. I think he meant if it was on Saturday which he di- I know he did finish- I mean Friday night. I know he did finish it before Hawaii time. So, that’s all I’m going to say on that matter. You can talk to him about that.”

6.05 “So, now I’m at my friend Bryony’s and we’re gonna have a barbecue. We’ve got some beer, which you should drink responsibly if you’re old enough, and some cool sausages…”

6.15 They got several sausage flavours and tiger beer

6.35 “Watching Pacific Rim made me want to go to Japan. A lot. I really want to go to Japan. Hopefully one day. I’d love to go to Nintendo Land and just see all the crazy Nintendo stuff. That would be amazing.”

6.51 He filmed the video with his mum, he just needs to edit it. “I don’t know how long to make it is the only thing but we talked for like half an hour. So, I’m guessing I’ll be 5 or 6 minutes long once I’ve edited it.”

7.09 Chat: ‘Where’s Dan?’ – Phil: “He’s enjoying the barbecue.”

7.12 Someone says he looks tired but he says it’s just the lighting and the mac - “Look healthy phil. I’m so awake”

7.38 Chat: ‘Go enjoy the barbecue, Phil’ – Phil: “Well, they- they haven’t even started yet. Uh, they’re- they’re just, like, setting up the barbecue and it takes a while. So basically I’m getting out of cooking and I can just go eat it when it’s ready.”

8.05 Chat: ‘Are you a good cook?’ – Phil: “I think I am. I think I’m- like, this year I’ve never cooked anything, like, for some microwave meal. I always get the ingredients and make stuff. So, I- I’m not amazing. I’m not Jamie Oliver but I can put some food together that tastes nice without burning it.”

8.23 When he started uni all he could cook was toast, cereal, and stir fry

8.42 Dan bought crumpets for his video so Phil ate crumpets this morning

9.06 He just uploaded and hit 1 million subscribers - “which is amazing. Slightly scary but I’m very happy. So, thank you if you’re one of those subscribers. If you’re not….” [spons his channel]

9.24 He talks about the video – he asked his mum to bring his old computer down with her when she came to London

9.44 He has another video on a video tape. It’s a horror film

10.15 Accents – North vs South England. His accent has changed

10.57 “If I go home for Christmas, like, say if I’m just back home around my northern friends for like a month I bet I would, if I went on younow, or if- if I went on younow with them, you’d be able to tell the difference.”

11.09 “I did some English language at university and it’s all about convergence. Here’s some learning: if you want to be more like a person and have them like you more psychologically you will adapt their inflections and their accent. And if you’re from the place they’re from you’ll try your hardest to fit so you’ll just turn northern. That’s why if you found yourself, like, talking to someone from America for ages you’d start picking up some Americanisms from them.”

11.42 Chat: ‘What’s your favourite video you’ve ever made?’ – Phil: “Oof. That’s a tough one. I think my Krave challenge was hilarious. Like, I was so happy with how that turned out. And it was just such a ridiculous it was quite refreshing to do something different.”

11.56 “I don’t think Dan will be coming on this younow. Um, if he does it will be a surprise. He hasn’t said he’s coming on it. I don’t wanna shout him through if he doesn’t wanna- if he’s- he’s talking to our friends. So that’ll just be like um okay.”

12:18 Chat: ‘Do you still wear the lion suit? – Phil: “Not in this weather. Tell you when that lion suit is gonna be good, in the midst of winter. I might wear it on Christmas day. My family have a tradition of wearing weird clothes on Christmas day. Like, my dad- two years ago my dad wore lederhosen which is like German traditional dress which was weird. Um, so, yeah. I could be a lion on Christmas. I could be a Christmas lion.”

12.40 Chat: ‘What’s your favourite Adventure Time character?’ – Phil: “I love Lemon Grab. I feel like I discovered Lemon Grab before the rest of the world and now everyone on my facebook is like, ‘Unacceptablee.’ I’m like, ‘I knew about Lemon Grab before you.’ We were the cool people that knew about him cause I told him about- I told you guys about Lemon Grab ages ago. You- you belong in the cool club with me. The facebook people can go away.”

13.03 “I actually deleted so many people from facebook the other day. I just had a massive extinguishing- what’s the word? Evacuation? Extinction? Exodus? I don’t know- I don’t know what word I’m trying to think of. Yeah. It’s just I thought I haven’t spoken to some of these people in 7 years. Why do I want them to know everythi- extermination- why do I want ev- them to know everything about my life? Unfriend. Unfriend. Unfriend. Cleansing said [person] that’s a good one. ‘A spring clean.’ [Person], that’s a nice way to put it. Yeah, I had a spring clean. So, I unfriended loads of people. It’s just weird that now they’re just deleted from my life and I’ll never hear from them again. Cause I have a hidden facebook that you can’t find. So, they can’t even get me back now. Feel kinda bad.”

13.50 Chat: ‘Phil, you are mean’ – Phil: “These- these were people that never really liked me that much anyway. They were people- do you know, like, people from high school who you, like, talked to once and they wouldn’t really like you? It was that- that kind of people. But then like 2 years later they’d add me and I was like, ‘Okay.’ But now I just don’t care. I just don’t care, guys. I’m heartless.”

14.09 A person in the chat had an unfollow spree – Phil: “Kind of just- I don’t think you should feel bad about that cause then on your feed you’ll just see people that you actually want to hear from. Like, I don’t care if Johnny from Manchester’s getting drunk on Friday night. Cause Johnny hasn’t spoken to me since I was 17. We’re getting deep, guys.”

14.34 He asks whether people think it’s mean to unfriend/unfollow someone – “Do you think it’s a massive offense? I wouldn’t be offended someone I never spoke to got rid of me.”

15.04 “It’s like, have they earnt the right to be there or have they just been rubbish? Uh, yeah, so I do that quite a lot. I think I’ve got 200 friends on there now which is still a ridiculous amount. I think it was 300 before that. I never use facebook, [person]. Like, it’s the website I never use ever so I don’t even know why I’m going on about it.”

15.28 “My main website is twitter. I’m on that all the time. Except today. I really wanted to tweet about s-, uh, Pacific Rim and my nice bubble tea day and my stupid phone’s not working.”

15.40 “Dan used my phone as a, uh, prop in his video. So, that’s- this is a famous phone now it’s been in a danisnotonfire video. And he took the Lemon Grab case off and now my phone feels so thin it’s weird…”

16.12 Chat: ‘It’s bobba tea’ – Phil: "Okay. But the shop was called bubble tea shop. Them with their stupid false branding. Get me to say it wrong.”

16.25 “I can’t remember why Dan didn’t use his own phone. There was a reason. I think he lost it or something.”

16.31 Someone in the chat likes his hair - “I think this is a good haircut. I went to Fabrice, who I said I was never retuning to, and I said to him, ‘Please can I have half a haircut? Like, I want it to look like- I don’t want it to look like I’ve just had a haircut. I want to keep some- some of this.’ So, he listened to me for once. And that was on the morning of the photoshoot. So, hopefully our Radio 1 photoshoot will look alright.”

16.56 “I look so tired in this webcam I promise I’m not tired. I am a bit tired but not like to the detriment of my health. The building works just continue endlessly. It’s so annoying. Like, I swear this morning he was, like, cutting through metal at about 7.56. I’m worried cause he’s, like, scratching on the bottom of the floor boards as well. So, it feels like the entire house is kind of falling. Weirdly, very weirdly, between the cracks in the floor boards you can actually see into his apartment now. So, I think he’s like removed his ceiling and then we can see down through his, uh, light fittings. I won’t tell him about that. I won’t be like, ‘Don’t wanna see you walking around naked, weirdo guy.’ That was really weird. They- it’s just one guy and he makes the strangest noises. Sounds like he’s in pain.”

17.55 He picks up a copy of Empire Magazine. He’s excited for the new Hobbit film

18.05 He can’t remember the name of the woman on the front cover – “Who is that? It’s thingy. Is that Evangeline Lilly? I think it is. I love her.”

18.28 He flips through Empire Magazine

18.42 He’s excited for Kick Ass 2 - “It’s weird that Jim Carrey just like stopped promoting it half way through cause of the violence. Cause it’s like a comic violence. It’s not a bad violence.”

18.55 [Finds the page with a photo of Evangeline Lilly] “It is Evangeline Lilly. I love her so much. She is gonna be cool. She was Kate in lost.”

19.03 “Legolas looking sexual. He looks kinda bored actually.”

19.39 Plays a quick game – think of a playing card and Phil will guess what it is. He explains the “Derren Brown style magic” behind his guesses. “You should pay me for that performance. No, don’t worry I’m not gonna start a kickstarter.”

21.18 Starts a Q and A

21.28 Chat: ‘Would you ever collab with Zoella?’ – Phil: “I like Zoella. I’ve met her once and she was really nice. So, if we became better friends it would be cool to make a video with her. But I don’t know anything about make up. Maybe that would be interesting for our video. If I just, like, show my complete lack of make-up.”

21.49 He and Dan are going to Vidcon. He’s unprepared for going to America

22.04 His favourite 3 letter word is ‘pow’

22.16 Chat: ‘Who’s your favourite youtuber?’ – Phil: “It’s a really tough question. I really like Smosh. Just from early days I used to watch them and I’m just- I’m happy they’re still making really good videos. It’s crazy to think that they make 1 a week and they’re such good quality. I think they’re the most, like, consistently good youtubers. I like loads of youtube- youtubers.”

22.41 His favourite Death Note character is L. He wasn’t really fan of Misa Misa but she grew on him after a while

22.51 Chat: ‘Would you ever go to a school reunion?’ – Phil: “I- I find stuff like that really awkward. Um. Maybe in like 10 years. My friends that I went to primary school with were wanting to organise a school reunion and I just- I just knew from facebook that I’d have nothing in common with most of them so I was like, ‘Why do I want to put myself through a school reunion?’ Does that make be boring? Maybe I could have met my wife there. I just didn’t go. Half them, like, are married. It’s terrifying.”

23.26 Favourite Harry Potter character is Hermione

23.48 PINOF in October/September

23.56 chat: ‘Are you coming to Pulp in Manchester?’ – Phil: “Um, maybe. I’m friends with a few people that work there. It would be cool if we got our t-shirts in there somehow. But I don’t know how that would work as they’re all in America.”

24.15 He hasn’t thought of a dan vs phil tomorrow on the radio. He asks for suggestions. They’re not allowed to do chubby bunny because of health and safety reasons.

24.48 Chat: ‘Tickle fight’ – Phil: “I- we- I already kind of tickled him on the chart show if you were watching that. That was a bit awkward cause Iggy Azalea just totally wasn’t into that at all.”

25.17 Chat: ‘The canned food challenge’ – Phil: “I will never do that, [person]. There’s no way I’m going to eat dog food for someone’s entertainment. I think there’s a certain level of dignity and after you’re eating dog food on camera you’ve passed that level. No offence to anyone that has eaten dog food for people’s entertainment cause I’m sure it was very entertaining.”

26.19 He doesn’t think he’ll go to Disneyland at Vidcon

26.29 Edward was his favourite Elric brother because he did more in the fight

26.50 Chat: ‘Do you like Pewdiepie?’ – Phil: “Yes, I do. I don’t watch that many of his videos. Um, I think there’s something you need to, like, get into the series. So then it’s like The Walking Dead part 83. I can’t really just, like, jump into that. But the-the ones I have seen he’s really funny. I watch his vlog sometimes as well when he’s just vlogging.”

27.55 Shows his passport picture. He doesn’t think it looks good. It was taken in a tiny post office near his parent’s house.

28.27 Animal Crossing update – One of his favourite people left the town - “I didn’t want her to move out but she seemed like she really wanted to go so I was like, ‘Fine. Go, rabbit girl.’ […] She had a really futuristic house so I’ll miss her.” He’s thinking about doing 10 second Animal Crossing summaries at the end of his videos

29.05 Scott and Chris will cover for them on the radio when they’re at Vidcon

29.36 Day in the life will be going up after the video he does with his mum which is going up after vidcon.

29.50 He’s doing “lots of cool secret projects” right now

30.06 He explains Animal Crossing

30.36 He started watching Hannibal but he stopped. He doesn’t like it and didn’t get into the characters. He doesn’t think he gave it a fair shot because he’s watching a lot of shows right now - “I know it’s like Bryony’s favourite show so it’s obviously gonna be quite good.”

31.23 His favourite clothing brand is Topman. He gets his ‘cool’ shirts from “obscure Japanese websites”

31.55 He would rather fly than be invisible. Invisibility power can only be used for ‘bad reasons - “Like, the only thing I think you could use it for is to sneak past people and to perv on people.”

32.31 He doesn’t remember what episode of The Weakest Link he was on

32.36 It’s hot. He recorded his one million video 2 days ago and it was the hottest day of the year “which is why I look so sweaty in it”

32.55 Younow spon. You could win a tshirt if you become a fan

Last edited by lefthandedism on Fri Aug 03, 2018 10:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason:put video under spoiler for ease of page loading

3.03 There’s a big football game on now - “If you’d rather watch football than me go ahead. I- I wouldn’t be offended.”

3.16 Does a ‘trick’ with a cushion

3.33 He was terrible at sports in school but football was the worst - “My school was pretty lazy so they made us do football, like, 6 months out of the year and I really hated it.”

3.52 He does watch the football World Cup because it’s exciting

4.11 He asks about the difference between Thanksgiving and Christmas

4.40 He has turkey at Christmas - "that’s the best Christmas meat"

4.46 He wants to try a vegetarian Christmas ie. a chestnut roast – “try new things”

4.49 He promises to google Thanksgiving later

5.10 “Me and my friends had a fake thanksgiving and we tried to make something called green bean casserole and it was pretty disgusting. I think that’s cause we made it wrong. It was like mushroom soup mixed with beans and it was like [blergh].”

5.34 Friends has good Thanksgiving episodes. He misses Friends

5.47 It’s almost time to be excited for Christmas

6.10 He ordered two Christmas jumpers in November and they haven’t arrived – “I’m getting anxious. I want them to arrive in time for the- the first day.”

6.33 “I’m having brain fails today. I’ve had such a bad headache all day. I don’t know where it came from. Maybe it was a good sleep. I haven’t been sleeping well the last week but this- this was a great sleep. But then I woke up and my head was like [boom boom boom boom], um, which is annoying. Don’t worry, I’m not dying. I went to the doctor about my headaches and he was like, ‘You know what? Some people just get headaches. You’re fine. Have you had them your whole life? Yup. Probably not gonna kill you then.’ Thanks, doc. Maybe I should get a second opinion. I don’t get them that much. It’s like once every 2 weeks I’ll have a bad headache which apparently a lot of people do.”

7.20 Chat: ‘Some things called migraines’ – Phil: “Yeah, I don’t get them that bad. I’ve got a friend that can’t even look at lights and it makes her throw up, it’s not that bad. It’s just like a bit annoying but it’s gone now. It’s gone. The wonders of ibuprofen...”

7.33 Ibuprofen pronunciation - “Yeah, Phil, let’s talk to 5000 people about ibuprofen. No. What should we talk about?”

7.46 He went to see Interstellar twice in Imax. He loved it - “I could not recommend a film more”. He teared up a little bit

8.33 “Yeah, I had a little sniffle into my popcorn”

8.46 Someone compliments his ‘eyelips’ and he goes on a brief tangent

9.10 He also went to see Mockingjay at the premiere

9.15 He tells the story about shoving popchips in his face as Jennifer Lawrence walked past

10.26 Talks about the Hemsworth brothers being Australian. He doesn’t expect it

10.39 “My mum always used to watch Home and Away so I’d watch with her and that was- side note: I used to watch a lot of Home and Away by myself as well let’s be honest, um, Thor was in that.”

11.03 Mockingjay was great. He’s read the book too

12.14 He found a pancake house in London

12.33 “My live show is, if you’re new to this, mostly talking about food and animals… and me fixing my hair...”

12.51 He doesn’t have plans for dinner

12.59 He’s been obsessed with The Apprentice UK and he’s catching up with it

13.18 Contemplates what soft drink he’d make if he ever made one. It would be an energy drink which changes colour, he asks what he should call it

14.15 “This is why I should work in advertising. I could make some great drinks.”

14.53 Talks about the Night Changes video. He talks about the logistics of the camerawork

15.39 “I haven’t played Monopoly in ages though. I end up throwing, um, hotels at people if I play Monopoly. I get very competitive.”

15.47 Now he lives in London he understands the place names on the Monopoly board

16.01 “Saw Mayfair. Saw a swanky business man with like 8 women around him laughing. Don’t know whether they were laughing at him. Don’t know why they were laughing. But they were just all going [hahaha] at his ears. Maybe he had weird ears. Maybe he has a condition and to keep him alive every single person has to laugh at him at least once every minute. That was a strange tangent there. That was a pretty weird tangent.”

16.32 Chat: ‘Where’s Dan?’ – Phil: “Dan is currently playing an intense video game so I don’t think he’ll be able to join us this evening.”

16.50 He usually plays Monopoly as the iron, dog, or tophat

17.07 Chat: ‘Tell us a joke’ – Phil: “What [laughs] I should have probably planned one in advance. Wait. What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk. Lol.”

17.47 Tells another joke – “What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.”

18.09 Chat: ‘Drawing game today’ – Phil: “We’ll play the drawing game later. I’m enjoying chatting with you guys. I’ve missed you guys. I was thinking I might not do a liveshow cause my head was hurting but my headache’s gone now. Maybe I would have powered through anyway.”

18.23 He has some technical difficulties

19.23 Apparently people are punching people in the face over Frozen merch – “But I guess if I was a 7-year-old girl I would want an Elsa doll. I mean, that would be the thing, right? Maybe I would dress as Elsa. Personally, I’d rather dress as the moose or is it an elk? The reindeer.” (You can hear someone enter/exit the room in the background as he talks here)

20.10 He puts his moose hat on and makes moose sounds

20.31 “[Person] would also dress as Elsa if they were a boy. Yeah. You don’t have to be a girl to dress as Elsa, Phil. I know. If you’re a boy and want to dress as Elsa go ahead. Even if you’re 7. Go for it.”

20.51 Moose talk. They’re huge

21.21 Chat: ‘My dog is named Dan and my friend’s dog is named Phil’ – Phil: “That’s cool. Maybe they could start their own youtube channel called DogAndDogGames.”

22.09 He thinks this is a record breaking live show in terms of numbers

22.20 He might start sleeping in socks because it’s so cold. Asks if people like bed socks - “I’m a big advocate for bed socks.”

22.37 “I love socks. If I’m walking around the house barefoot I feel really gross.”

23.13 Chat: ‘Are you excited for Shout magazine?’ – Phil: “Apparently they put a giant poster of my face in it. Um, I haven’t seen it yet. I think I know the picture and I don’t really like the picture that much. So, the fact that it’s gonna be [this] big freaks me out slightly but it’s a funny feeling that I am gonna be a poster in a magazine.”

24.01 He went to a German Christmas market – “It was very busy. I felt like I was going to be crush by a load of people but it was great.”

24.11 He bought some unusual tasting fudge for his family. Everyone in his family is obsessed with fudge

26.05 Chat: ‘You should be a furry’ – Phil: “I was watching furry dance off videos. At their conventions, they do dance offs. Uh, which I didn’t know as, obviously, I’ve never been to a furry convention. Um, and I- I just found it fascinating. Especially watching, like, someone dressed as a unicorn or a horse doing dance moves. So, so unusual and fascinating. Uh, I was mesmerised.”

26.46 “If you didn’t I know I’ve got a gaming channel. It’s DanAndPhilGames. So, you should go subscribe to that as it’s good. I think.”

26.56 Their most recent vid was a Donkey Kong video

27.29 Chat: ‘Do you like marmite?’ – Phil: “I don’t like marmite. I’m a hater. I’m sorry. [blergh] Even the smell of it- if someone’s got it in a sandwich. The worst smelling sandwiches are like marmite or egg. If you’re on a train and they start eating that I’m like, [blergh] ‘I need a gas mask.’”

27.45 Let It Go is stuck in his head – “Ugh, stupid song is in my head now. I mean amazing song. I mean what?”

27.55 Chat: ‘Do you like Olly Murs?’ – Phil: “I’ve actually met him twice or thrice and he’s really nice, really friendly, he’s got time for everyone. He’ll always want to have a chat which is good for a famous. Some famouses are like, ‘No, man. Got to get to my caviar boat.’ But Olly Murs was like, ‘Oh, let’s have a chat. I like you guys.’ And he remembered me as well. Cause a lot of time when you meet a guest and see them again they’ll forget they’ve ever seen you before but he knew who I was the second time which is also nice and refreshing.”

28.37 He dropped his house keys in the bin

29.23 Talks about Five Nights at Freddy’s. He liked the first game the most

29.52 Chat: ‘How was your day today?’ – Phil: “It was headachetacular until about an hour ago. Thankfully it went away.”

30.00 “Yeah, I can’t even play video- I wanted to play some Mario Kart but I can’t play videogames if I’ve got a headache cause it makes it worse. So, I watched some Apprentice and I browsed Rightmove for mansions. Cause that’s one of my hobbies is to just look at really expensive houses and have a snoop inside. It’s really fun. It’s one of those ‘if I had 70 million pounds what would I buy?’ A slide instead of stairs? Probably.”

30.38 His parents put their Christmas tree up late

30.47 “I’ve never really tested my acting skills. I don’t- I don’t know how good I would be if it was like a proper, like, play.”

31.12 He’s never watched Supernatural - “though as I said, on tumblr all I see is guys that are bleeding and having intense angst.”

31.32 Chat: ‘Can you really not drive?’ – Phil: “Uh, I have a license I just haven’t driven since I got the license because I haven’t really needed to cause everywhere I’ve lived hasn’t needed a car. And I wouldn’t be able to park a car here anyway. And I’d probably kill everyone in the car anyway because I’m bad. No, if I did start driving again I’d have loads of lessons again I think.”

32.05 He’s watching a lot of shows at the moment – American Horror Story

32.23 He plays with the hat he’s wearing and makes himself laugh

32.37 Everyone wants them to play Just Dance

33.02 PINOF 6 came out and Dan put bloopers on dini

33.22 He doesn’t watch Strictly. He can’t dance - “I don’t have the rhythm. The rhythm isn’t in me.”

33.40 He doesn’t think he’d suit blonde - “I tried when I was in the first year of secondary school and it looked stupid.”

34.07 He wouldn’t want to go on I’m A Celebrity because he doesn’t want to be covered in spiders

34.36 He talks about Faintheart and his experience filming it. He forgot his line, missed the high five, forgot the director’s instructions but they used that scene anyway. He was also a Viking in the end fight scene

36.20 He tells people not to bother to watch it because he’s hardly in it at all

36.25 He won the role on Myspace. He filmed his tape in Martyn’s room – “Out of like 500 people they chose me which was unexpected. I wasn’t really even on youtube then. So, it was just like a competition I won. Got to be in a movie.”

37.33 He was in A Midsummer Night’s Dream at school because they had to be in a play

37.40 He was also in Romeo and Juliet but it wasn’t the whole production

38.12 He was Benvolio in Romeo and Juliet

38.34 He watched a video of a dog dressed as a teddy bear and he didn’t like it

38.53 He likes Shrek but he doesn’t love it – “I’ve got some friends that could quote all of the movies…”

39.11 He wishes he liked cheese

39.34 He likes the Ylvis song about having a dairy allergy. He sent an email to his BBC producer to play it on the radio next week

40.01 They can choose all their own music on the radio now. It’s a “more personal touch”

40.26 Most of your taste comes from your nose - “I know someone that’s had a nose accident and they can’t taste anymore because of their nose and not cause of their tongue.”

40.44 Starts the drawing game

45.59 “[Peron’s] off to socialise. What is this party everyone’s invited to? Why didn’t you invite me?”

51.40 Chat: ‘How did Dan break the microphone?’ – Phil: “You can see it happen in the- I think it’s the- is it the Five Nights at Freddy’s video? Half way through the video the sound changes and it’s cause Dan knocks the microphone over. Uh, I’ve worked out how to fix it though.”

52.22 “Thank you so much for coming to my live show. I’ve had a great time. You have cured my headache completely. You guys are the best…”

Last edited by lefthandedism on Fri Aug 03, 2018 10:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason:put video under spoiler for ease of page loading

0.17 Chat: ‘Nice hair’ – Phil: “Thanks. Yeah, I have short hair. Um, I didn’t think I was going to be revealing it on younow for the first time but I am.”

0.26 I have ears. They exist. It was a lie.”

0.36 People are complimenting his hair - “Wooof. It went down well. I was a bit scared about how short it was…”

0.48 He kept the fringe, didn’t get a quiff this time

1.09 He can wiggle his ears

1.31 Chat: ‘Omg you look so different but I love it’ – Phil: “Thanks. I’m still getting used to it. they’re like, ‘You should put product in it and stuff.’ And I’m like, ‘No.’ I don’t know what product is. What?’”

1.49 Chat: ‘Very manly today’ – Phil: “Thanks, [person].”

2.06 “I rang up to book my haircut and I was like, ‘Yo, is Evee there to cut my hair?’ And they were like, ‘She doesn’t work here anymore.’ I was like, ‘What?! She doesn’t work here anymore? Where’s she gone?’ And they wouldn’t tell me where she’d gone. I was devastated. So I was like, 'Okay I’ve got to ring up somewhere else.' So, I rang up a different place and they were like, ‘We have one guy called Fabrice who’s free today.’ And I was like, ‘Fabrice? Fabrice? Is he going to be a good hairdresser?' Cause I’m used to having women, not that I’m hair dresser sexist, but I dunno. I’ve never had a guy cut my hair before. So, anyway, Fabrice was like, ‘I’m not going to listen to what you want I’m just going to do what I think will make you look cool.’ So, I was like, ‘Oh, okay.’ And this is what happened. He was an alright guy. We didn’t talk much. It was a little bit awkward. But yeah. He made it all short. Which I guess will be good for Florida because my ears won’t get all sweaty.”

3.33 There are 5000 people watching right now and looking at his hair. He mentions the primacy effect (people judge you the first time they meet you and they keep that judgement)

4.00 He has detached earlobes

4.33 He’s going to Florida on Wednesday for Playlist Live

4.59 His brother taught him how to plait

5.15 Become a fan of him on younow and he will do a Totoro giveaway

6.55 He wants to meet everyone straight away at Playlist to get it all over with and then everyone can hang out and relax together

7.11 Chat: ‘Your ears are really small’ – Phil: “[Person], they’re not that small. They’re kinda small. Do you know what I say? You should never make fun of something that a person can’t change about themselves. luckily I’m not self-conscious about my tiny ears.”

7.45 They pre-recorded their radio show for next week

8.18 Their apartment still has mice in it. They’ve laid down 2 traps and neither of them are working. He won’t kill the mice

8.45 He wants a cat but he’s allergic and he’s not allowed one in their place. “I can barely look after myself so having a cat would be an issue.”

9.21 He shows his Astro Boy wallet. He needs a new one. "Would it be really OCD of me to buy the same wallet again just shinier?"

9.42 “So many man wallets don’t have money zips. Where do the men put their coins, eh? Maybe I could release Phil wallets with my face on them.”

10.27 He asked for backwards videos for a music video they’re doing for the radio show. He asks for songs

12.46 “I think board games are one of the best things to do with friends if you’re not like going out drinking and being cool because you can chat to each other, you can eat pizza, you can have fun, and I’m very pro board games.”

13.11 Monopoly always ends in family arguments at Christmas. He once threw a Monopoly hotel at his brother’s head

13.30 He doesn’t like Mastermind or Operation

13.52 He recommends an anime called Eden of the East– it’s a bit heavy. Weird but good.

14.36 He bought an anime called Darker than Black – The figure on the front “kinda looks like me if I was really sad.” Nanalew recommended it to him.

15.08 “Oh my god my laptop is so hot it’s burning my legs. It’s not good for boys to have their laptops on their legs all the time. I’ll go infertile. Won’t be able to have little Phils.”

15.33 He went to the Saatchi gallery – “It’s really cool although it was less cool this time because it was all about Russian something art. Wow I sound cultured.”

15.55 He likes oversized objects that shouldn’t be big. He bought a pencil pot that looks like a giant sharpener

16.47 Chat: ‘Why would you need a giant pencil?’ – Phil: “What if a meteor hit and made us all twice the size that we are now? You wouldn’t be asking that question then, [person], would you? You’d be feeling bad.”

17.14 “I still need to fluff up my hair all the time. I’m not confident about it yet. I will be soon.”

17.49 He blows up a balloon and plays the ‘balloon game’ - “We’ll do the balloon game then. Which is becoming a regular feature in my younow shows. It’s good to have a feature. It gives a sense of familiarity. People that don’t like change they’re like, ‘Oh yes this is the part I know and remember.’ I don’t like too much change.”

19.20 “This pen is strong, I’m gonna be high by the end of this game”

22.32 He popped the last balloon by accidentally kicking it into the fire

23.05 Tells people to become a fan because he’s doing a Totoro contest and sending “hidden emails” – he has sent one so far

23.43 “Did everyone watch Comic Relief last night? I watched the bit with Zayn from One Direction. He made me cry slightly.”

24.10 “I can’t believe Jessie J’s hair. She still looks really pretty. I was like, ‘Oo that’s not going to look good.’ And then I was like, ‘Oh, turns out you can look pretty whatever you do to your face or head.’” (Jessie J shaved her head for Comic Relief)

24.43 Chat: ‘You look sad’ – Phil: ‘I’m not sad. [smiles] I think it’s just my face when I’m talking is just like relaxed. I’m having a relaxed chat. Not very hyper today.”

25.08 “If you’re feeling low on energy just do the biggest derp face you can do and it gives some of your energy back. It might also be because the fire’s on there which is sucking all the oxygen out of the room. So, I’m probably dying slowly and that’s why.”

28.18 Chat: ‘Are Muse good live?’ – Phil: "They are amazing live you need to go see them. So so so so good. Their new stage set is amazing as well."

28.35 People tweeted with the hashtag #WhyILovePhil yesterday

28.77 He watched Oz the Great and Powerful. He thinks it was “okay”. He liked James Franco, he didn’t like the witches or the general world of Oz. He tells people to draw their own conclusions

30.45 How I Met Your Mother came out at the same time Friends had just ended and he was still mourning the loss of Friends so he never got into HIMYM - “I don’t watch much TV actually and the things I do watch are like American dramas and anime.”

31.05 Pick out of Light/Near/Mello – he chooses Light - “cause he’s like the main character”

32.15 He almost got his ears stretched once when everyone else was doing it but he didn’t

32.33 He hasn’t been to Sweden but he would love to visit – “My brother’s girlfriend sent me a picture of her house” and there was a lot of snow

32.43 He always thinks that people are watching him if there are webcam-like cameras in a room

33.00 Chat: ‘Stretch your ears’ – Phil: “I don’t want to now. I like my ears. Especially now I’ve just revealed them to the world. I don’t want to change them now. Pixie ears. Elf ears. Legolas. Lego Phil. Sorry, ears are still a novelty to me cause they’re usually hidden by my hair.’

33.20 Chat: ‘What’s it like being a youtuber?’ – Phil: ‘It’s fun. Sometimes a bit creatively draining cause you’re always thinking of video ideas and stuff. But it’s very rewarding and fun. I would definitely recommend it if you want to give it a go. Just for, like, not to become your job just make some videos for fun. Some people get into it for the wrong reasons where they’re like, ‘Yes. I will have a billion subscribers in a month.’ But there’s no point in getting into it like that cause it takes a lot of work. I’ve been making videos for like 6 years so I’ve got to enjoy it to keep doing it. And the reason I do is cause of you guys, all your comments and stuff. Your tweets. You’re amazing.”

34.13 Youtube tips: know what you want to talk about, make what you want to watch, make a short first video, have good sound quality

34.58 He has been to New York once and he wants to go back

35.08 He picks up his phone and sends a text – “It’s my mum. She’s like, ‘You haven’t text me back in 3 days.’ Oops. Shall I say you all say hi? Any messages for my mum?”

36.55 [In the past few minutes before this he’s been doing something on his phone. After he puts his phone down, Ben comes into the room. Not a stretch to say Phil asked him to come into the show] He asks Ben if he wants to be in the show

37.23 “Ben went to school with me. He’s known me since I bred hamsters.”
Ben: “Since he was like [this] big and made of clay.”

37.30 Phil: “What was I like at school?”
Ben: “Um, loud and tiresome but fun.”

37.36 Phil: “I used to bring games in into the common room for everyone to play.”
Ben: “Yes, lots of games, yeah.”

37.43 They play the balloon game together. Phil reads the instructions from the chat, Ben draws on the balloon

38.11 Phil: “You may notice Ben’s got a slightly different accent to me. He’s got the original Phil accent that went away.”
Ben: “This is what Phil used to sound like.”
Phil: “But I don’t anymore. I got affected.”

38.47 They briefly bicker about whether beaks have nostrils
Ben: “And so commences a night of us googling whether beaks have nostrils.”

41.06 Chat: ‘Where is Dan?’ – Phil: [points at Ben] “This is Dan. He had a face transplant.”

42.40 They finish the game and Ben leaves the show
Ben: “That mean I can go back to playing Pokemon?”
Phil: “Yeah, you can go play Pokemon now.”

42.57 “See, I have a real person friend. I exist in the real world. Just not digital.”

43.10 He likes Zelda but he hasn’t played many games because he was a PlayStation child

43.25 Chat: 'My computer died what did I miss?’ – Phil: “You missed everything. I gave birth twice.”

43.49 He saw 30 Seconds to Mars at Reading Festival – “Jared Leto wore a tiger suit. It was very funny.”

44.38 He asks if anyone did anything weird in their sleep

45.50 He leaves to make dinner

46.11 He’s going to upload a new video on Monday - ‘It’s a very weird video. I had this idea in my head that I was like, ‘I should make that into a video?’ And usually when I get these weird ideas I’ll sleep on it and be like, ‘Hah, no.’ But today I’ve just decided to go with it. So, yeah, look forward to that it’ll be a weird one.” (It’s his toilet tag video)

47.59 Promotes Dan seconds before he leaves – “Dan’s new video is coming out later too so look forward to that.”

1:43 - This week has felt like the start of spring; that created a "wasp invasion" at their apartment. He thinks there might be a wasp's nest outside. Small wasp tangent to follow.

2:12 - Chat: Can you show us [the wasps] out the window?
Phil, in a jingle: Stalker alert

2:26 - Talks about how he's only been stung once (or twice) by a wasp. Most notable time being when there was a wasp in his music homework at school (when he was learning violin. He seems to have a little grudge against the music teacher)

3:09 - Hair cut talk.
Phil: Also in desperate need of a hair cut right now. Not going to apologize for my hair, but it's beyond the need for a cut. Fabrice did a rubbish job last time, and left like, this piece [picks up the front bit of fringe] really long. Look how long that is. So it keeps going really gap-y at the sides. Hopefully he's gonna fix it, I have a hair cut on Tuesday, uh, where I'm gonna shave the whole thing off before Playlist Live.

3:33 - Phil: If I didn't cut my hair, it wouldn't get longer, like old school Phil, it'd just mushroom out

3:42 - Chat: Cut off the fringe
Phil: Yeah. I actually experimented going fringe-less for the first time in about 7 years the other night, 'cause I went to a 1920s themed event called "Secret Cinema", where you had to dress up as if you were from the 1920s, first of all, and secondly, it turns out people didn't have emo fringes back then, so I had to hairspray it up and across, and there's a picture of me on my twitter [talks about where you can find his twitter] (link to tweet)

4:20 - Chat: We have a Phil's forehead fandom
Phil: Really? [laughs] That's intimidating. Uh, yeah, so my forehead was very cold and exposed, it felt kind of naked.

4:48 - Talks about Secret Cinema. Went for Wirrow's birthday. Saw The Grand Budapest Hotel. Talks about the requirements for the event.

6:21 - Interrupts himself as he's still talking about the Secret Cinema
Phil, fixing his fringe: Sorry, terrible hair today. If I touch my hair just deal with it, [silly deep voice] I'm not gonna stop! I'm not gonna stop for anyone.

6:53 - Chat: Your hair looks damn fine, so hush
Phil: Okay, that's the last time I'll [unintelligible] my hair. But when I have it cut, d'you reckon I should go full no fringe or is that just like, a terrible idea? Would everyone unsubscribe if I did that?
Chat: Do not!
Phil: Okay I won't.
Chat: Never!!
Phil: Maybe in like...2 years. Three years? Sometimes I wake up and I'm like "I really want to cut my hair off", especially today just because it's so annoying 'cause he cut it wrong, uh so it'd be cool to have a change at one point. But I quite like my look, I think I'd freak myself out in the mirror if I had really short hair. I remember once my brother completely shaved his head, and my parents were like [horrified face] "What have you done to yourself"...he looked so weird. He looked like a startled baby.

7:43 - Chat: Put a hat on
Phil: What, now? Incidentally, I got some swag from tumblr yesterday [goes on to talk about the merch he was sent from tumblr for being one of the most reblogged youtubers in 2013]

9:35 - Chat: You're such a tumblr boy
Phil: I don't even use tumblr that much, really. 'Cause you know some people are on it like, 24 hours a day. I'd say I go on it like, once a day? I usually check it in the morning, and just like have a scroll through with my breakfast if I'm not watching TV.
He goes on to say he cut down on his usage from the last year. Says it's quite addictive.

10:09 - Chat: Do another tumblr tag
Phil: That was really fun actually. Main 'cause it gave me an excuse to look at all of the cool stuff you guys have made. So creative, some of you. And slightly scary. Creative and scary, it's a good mix. It's a healthy mix. I'd rather you were creative and scary than uncreative and...what's the opposite of scary? I don't know. ...You're not really scary! I just mean with the photoshopping my face onto Nicki Minaj's hair, which might be a minority of people who do that. (few seconds later says he's "being nice to you guys, okay" ...right Phil)

10:53 - Phil looks up, then sits up straight and looks over his computer. Looks back down and 'reads off the chat' "What are you eating?"
10:55 - Phil: I'm not eating anything. I was eating some of these [reaches behind laptop]--I've brought things to show you--which were amazing. New York deli chilli and lemon peanuts [talks about peanuts being good but a bit of a rip off]
11:22 - Phil: I should just do food hauls. Does anyone do food hauls where they just eat on camera and they're like "this tastes nice, you should eat this too" ...Phil's food channel.

11:52 - Talks about Tesco tweeting him all the time

12:00 - Chat: do you like potatoes
Phil: I do, I prefer chips though

13:23 - Chat: do you eat healthy?
Phil: Yeah, I try--kind of. I had cereal in the morning, obviously, and then I don't really snack much until lunch where I have, I dunno a bagel...or a salad or a sandwich. Then I'm bad, 'cause I eat really late, so around this time I'll have a snack, but I do snack a lot around this time. This is when I get hungry. 'Cause a normal person probably has dinner now but I eat at like 8.

13:58 - Phil: I think if I stopped being a youtuber I'd just be a food blogger. Or a restaurant critic. Imagine that, just going to restaurants for free.

14:33 - The cool sweet shop by the flat closed, which Phil thinks is a shame. He asked twitter what they would do with it if they bought it. Phil thinks it should be an animal themed cafe, like the cat cafe.

17:46 - First direct mention of Dan; spons signed posters they have in their UK shop (District Lines, iirc).

18:02 - Phil: I never used to get any spending money. D'you know how much I got? This makes me sound old, uh [laughs] it was really sweet actually, my grandma would give me one pound every month, and she thought that was a lot of money, and she always thought that, so she'd be like "okay, really big treat for you, here's a pound" and I'd be like "aww". Though, at the sweet shop you could get like a hundred cola bottles for so, still a pound goes a long way. And my parents never really used to give me spending money, they'd just be like--I'd be like "can I go to the cinema" and then they'd give me some money for the cinema.

19:28 - Chat: Did you have jobs as a teen?
Phil: I worked at a vet for work experience for two weeks, and I watched a dog get its jaw sawn off and fainted. SO that made me realise I didn't want to be a vet. Also, they cleaned a lot of cats teeth. D'you know like animal hospitals, you're like "oh my god there's like a lizard and a ferret, and maybe they'll like, save a tiger", actual vets it's just cat dog cat dog cat dog cat dog cat dog, and they all want their teeth cleaned. It's just like a cat teeth cleaning service. We did get to see a ferret getting neutered, which was weird to watch, uh, may have changed me, and also I got to watch a corgi get x-rayed, but the worst thing was the dog having its jaw sawn, I was like [barf noise] no thanks. Uh, it was nice though, the vet was really nice, he lived across the road from my parents, so he was like my parents friend. And I also worked in a stationary shop for a year, and it was horrible.

20:37 - Chat: Do you like horror movies?
Phil: I love horror movies. I don't like ones that are like "yeah, we're gonna torture people for two hours", but I like ones that have got genuine like, things that make you jump, or they're clever.

21:27 - Phil takes a moment with us, telling us to press our hand against the screen. "There we go, we just had a moment. No one will ever take that away from us"

22:00 - Phil is excited to go to Orlando for playlist. He needs to sort his life out and pack before though.

22:23 - Phil is hanging out with PJ on Monday, for a collab (Peej-skate, as he went to say, by his text to PJ earlier)

22:47 - Tuesday Phil is getting his hair cut and buying new clothes for playlist.

22:52 - Wednesday him and Dan are filming for ~something (second direct Dan mention of the liveshow, I don't remember/know right now exactly what they filmed). They fly to Orlando on friday.

23:39 - Phil wastes 20 seconds with bacon in the chat and shout-outs

24:31 - Chat: Is there going to be anymore phil is not on fire videos?
Phil: There will be one this year, but I don't think it'll be for a while. It's probably going to be in like September or October, that's when they usually are. They're about a year apart, cause that makes them special.

27:06 - Chat: will you make another day in the life video?
Phil: There isn't one planned, but I never wanna say no to anything.

27:15 - Chat: nice eyebrows.
Phil: What is with my eyebrows? Why are they a thing that people want to comment on? *eyebrow wiggles* Might just shave them off.

27:29 - Chat: Phil I have a bump in my shoulder, help!
Phil: I--not being your medical advice, go see your gp--uh, but I've got kind of one there and I had to get it x-rayed when I was like 16, uh and the doctor said it would have been where I've really like banged my shoulder and then it just kind of dislocated a bit, so there's just a little, like a lump, not like a big one. I think I'm growing a wing. I think I'm gonna fly off. [...]Please don't tell me your medical problems, I have no medical experience at all.

28:14 - Chat: Don't fly off
Phil: I'll be back before you know it

28:30 - Phil's favourite pokemon is growlithe. He likes charmander from the original three.

28:42 - Chat: If you could have a pet, what would it be?
Phil: Definitely a hamster.

28:49 - Chat: What anime have you watched recently?
Phil recommends Puella Magi Madoka Magica, which he thought might be aimed at young girls from the cover. He thought it was going to be like Sailor Moon but worse by the cover, but he thought it was amazing.

31:24 - Chat: Have you seen the new Thor?
Phil: Yeah! [... talks about going to the premiere for Thor 2] [Phil and Tom Hiddleston] had some eye contact. I sniffed his shoulder.

32:02 - Phil talks about the BBC Radio Awards. The Dan And Phil Show was nominated for "Innovation". Apparently just being apart of the finals is a massive deal.

33:37 - Phil, looking for a final question to answer in the chat: It's all about my eyebrows again, it's all I'm seeing is my eyebrows today. I wish I could do the eyebrow dance. I can't even do raising one eyebrow.

34:07 - Drawing game starts. Ends up being called "The Browsing Machine".