(or, “How to Trigger a Dominant’s Dominance”)

So, I sorta made up a term “D/s triggers,” in order to make a distinction between turn-ons (things that make me want to fuck) and triggers (things that make me feel dominant…. and make me want to fuck). While I explained the difference, I didn’t identify my own ‘dominance triggers.’ I’m going to attempt to do that now…

What triggers a dominant’s dominance? (or, her feelings of dominance)

I can only speak for myself, of course, though not at any great length. I don’t know what triggers me until it happens, and even then, I don’t always identify something as a trigger unless it’s frequent or intense enough for me to notice it as such. (Come to think of it, I wonder if J might be able to speak more to my triggers than I can. Perhaps I should add that to the list of questions for J…?)

A few of my ‘dominance triggers’:

When I’m suddenly pushy or demanding, but he’s not yet sure if I’m being playful or dead serious, sometimes he takes a half step backwards or lowers his eyes. It’s a strange, vulnerable sort of deference that says “I give in” or “I give up” and it just destroys me.

When he tries to look up at me, despite the fact he’s nearly a foot taller than I am. It’s subtle — it’s more about his attitude and approach toward me than his physical location in relation to mine.

When he says “please…” out of desperation rather than politeness, when he has no idea what he’s asking for, when he just wants, but he’s unable to articulate anything more than a breathy, desperate “please.” It’s fuckinghot…

8 Responses to “how to turn on a domme”

There’s blood on every bracelet
you can see it, you can taste it,
and it’s Please baby
please baby please.
And she says, Drink deeply, pilgrim
but don’t forget there’s still a woman
beneath this
resplendent chemise.

I had to think about this one a bit before responding. I understand where you are coming from with those things that would trigger your Dominant side. However, I would imagine that without some prerequisite interest before hand, (someone you are attracted too) those triggers would go largely unnoticed.

This brings up a question. Have you ever felt dominant toward someone that you were not especially attracted to?

However, I would imagine that without some prerequisite interest before hand, (someone you are attracted too) those triggers would go largely unnoticed.

I think you’re right about this. Either they go unnoticed or they don’t cause much of a reaction.

This brings up a question. Have you ever felt dominant toward someone that you were not especially attracted to?

I think so, but it’s a really different sort of dominance, or it only calls on parts of the many complex feelings that make for such a rich experience. I’ve felt dominant (in a way) towards people under me (ha!) at work, but only in the caring, maternal/parental sense. I’ve felt dominant (again, in a way) towards male friends (and exes), but only in a superficial, feminine, sexy sense.

In those situations, the feeling is shallow, fleeting, and easily checked. There are flashes here and there, but I don’t want to “domme” my friends or coworkers (nor could I if I wanted to).

I’m not sure I explained any of that very well. It’s a good questions, Stephen. I’ll have to give it some more thought. Thanks for it!

It’s good to know these things. They may seem like simple, and maybe intuitive, things, but as a submissive i feel like sometimes i don’t really know how the Dominant mind works. i desperately hope that i’m arousing my Mistress with my behavior, but i worry that maybe i’m just frustrating her by being too passive, or even worse, actively annoying her!

The “pleading please” is a big one for me, as is any kind of pleading, open expression of want, need, desperation even. I suppose they all fall to some extent under half-conscious, half-involuntary displays of vulnerability; a bit (OK, more than a bit) like a wolf falling on his back and displaying soft underbelly with paws slightly curled in (gosh I am getting a little turned on now).

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