When Marlboro Man and I drove to Arizona for a romantic anniversary getaway last month, we took the scenic route after passing through Albuquerque. Marlboro Man loves the scenic route. As a rancher, he’s always looking for shorter distances between two points, back roads, unlikely highways, and winding paths.

Me? I like the interstate. I like large truck stops—the ones that look like small cities. I like the selection of cashews they have there; the different varieties of iced coffee and gum and even beef jerky. Beef jerky is so much better in large truck stops than in teeny-tiny gas stations along the scenic route. And the bathrooms are much, much better.

So anyway, we took the scenic route because I have a lot of pull in this family.

And you know what? It really was beautiful. Good GRACIOUS, the canyons were beautiful.

I had to go to the bathroom every five minutes, though—it’s an iced coffee thing—and after driving and looking and driving and looking, we finally happened upon this scenic rest stop. It had a bathroom. I was a happy woman.

But the bathroom was terrible: fumes emanated from the door before I even walked in, and though I have a strong stomach when it comes to things like blood and surgery and, thanks to my Vietnam Vet father, war injuries, I have a pathological inability to stomach rest stop bathrooms with fumes emanating from the doors. I think it’s a childhood thing—some bad bathroom at an amusement park somewhere. I simply can’t enter. I’m scared I won’t survive or I’ll have a nervous breakdown or something.

And as a hearty, robust ranch woman, I must confess that I’m not afraid to “go” outdoors. I’ve had to make my peace with the practice. Because out in the middle of a pasture, there are no rest stops or outhouses or truck stops. And if you drink too much water or coffee when you’re out working cattle, you’re on your own. So at the rest stop in Eastern Arizona last month, I set out on a hike to find a better spot than the poorly-maintained restroom.

Prickly Pear cacti were everywhere, though. And I almost sat on this one. The only reason I didn’t is that my ankle inadvertently swiped it when I was on the way down, alerting me to its presence.

Joann On Wednesday, October 8 at 1:07 pm

Sandra in Phx On Wednesday, October 8 at 1:07 pm

You coulda stopped here at my place for a quick potty stop. I always keep a clean bathroom;)

Yep, living in AZ you have to watch where you squat.

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GK in MI On Wednesday, October 8 at 1:07 pm

top 20?

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Julie On Wednesday, October 8 at 1:08 pm

Beautiful area!

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Rhonda in Oklahoma On Wednesday, October 8 at 1:08 pm

Beautiful scenery!

I completely sympathize about rest-stop bathrooms. Ugh!

I also hear you about having to “go” outdoors. Helping my husband feed cattle last year really broke me in good about making “country pit stops.” I finally ended up with a pretty good set of rules. I became VERY thankful for secluded rows of round hay bales!

Come on! Let’s hear it for outside bathroom skills! I taught all my kids to “use it” outside and I know they will all thank me for it when they are older. It’s one of life’s vanishing skills, if you ask me, but one of the most valuable.

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AmyP On Wednesday, October 8 at 1:11 pm

Here in Vermont, it’s the poison ivy that’ll getcha if you aren’t careful where you go!!! Yikes!!!

Beautiful photos, and AZ is one of my favorite destination spots. Thanks for posting.

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Laura S On Wednesday, October 8 at 1:16 pm

The pictures are gorgeous.

Also, be aware of poison ivy if you’re using the outdoor “facilities”.

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Laurie mom of 3 On Wednesday, October 8 at 1:16 pm

Mother nature has a way of reaching up and biting you in the arse when you lest expect it.

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Laura in NE On Wednesday, October 8 at 1:17 pm

On a family vacation to Colorado at least 20 years ago, we stopped at the Continental Divide. The smell of the restroom was so bad my mom was gagging. She still gets teased that she should have gotten a t-shirt that says “I gagged at the Continental Divide.”
Also, when I was six, we took a trip to Germany. There were no rest stops out there, and I am told that my cousin and I squatted in something either prickly or itchy, and came running back screaming. I’m glad I have no memory of this.

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Renee On Wednesday, October 8 at 1:17 pm

Breathtaking.

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Cher On Wednesday, October 8 at 1:18 pm

When ya gotta go ya gotta go and I agree, if it smells bad I can’t go in it and close the door PERIOD!! Makes me gag!

My husband knows that when we are travelling the only washrooms that will meet my criteria are Walmarts, and McDonalds. I am that picky, and even then, only when necessary!
Jenhttp://muddybootdreams.blogspot.com

I love your photos of the canyon…we did the Grand Canyon with our kids last year and it was so hard to take pictures there…it’s huge! Last year after my third boys was born we went on a month long road trip, crazy yes, in the summer from Canada to Arizona…lots of roadside pee breaks all over the Western US for me. much love,http://www.snickerdoodles.typepad.com

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debbie On Wednesday, October 8 at 1:24 pm

I agree with you 1,000%. I would waaaaaay rather pee in the bushes than in a stinky, nasty bathroom!

You have reminded me of a story about my mom. My family was forever traveling off the beaten path and “peeing in the bushes” was a common occurrence. However, this time Mom didn’t realize she was on a bike trail and there were several dirt bike riders tearing through the woods at the time. She walked over a hill, out of sight and hunkered down. Well just as she assumed the position, she heard a noise that quickly grew much louder. I’ve always wondered what went through the riders minds as they topped the hill and became airborne only to discover a little woman duck-walking trying to get out of their way.

Orghlaith On Wednesday, October 8 at 1:43 pm

Dear PW. I did sit on a cactus. On the way through a very busy city to take our 4 year old son to a clinic the husband made a very fast stop. I had been standing while unbuckling our son to make a hasty exit at the next light. I was knocked onto my backside which happened to land on the Christmas cactus that we were taking to my mother. I spent four hours standing at the clinic waiting for the doctor and another miserable hour not sitting in the van on the way to my mother’s house. And then another half hour listening to my husband laugh as he pulled barbs out of my behind. I am still planning revenge. It has to be a really really good plan to pay back the agony and embarrassment.

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becks On Wednesday, October 8 at 1:43 pm

That is so funny. It reminds me of a trip we were taking through the mountains to visit in laws on the other side. One of my boys, about 5 years old at the time, was having some “bathroom issues” that were more than likely car sickness related. Being Alaska, the rest stops and bathrooms can be far apart. At one point, we had to stop right then, no waiting for a rest stop. We were right on the edge of a bluff with absolutely no privacy. My husband took child to the edge of a bluff behind the one and only bush. He was trying to help him get down a little more for better bush coverage when he realized he was pushing him down on a wild rose bush. Child hopped up frantically grabbing his butt. At this point, my husband looked up and there across the bluff, within eye sight was a great big house with great big windows, along with spectator. Needless to say, we laughed most the rest of the way to Grandma’s house.

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Cheryl in Nebraska On Wednesday, October 8 at 1:45 pm

I can’t handle rest area bathrooms either….the great outdoors smells so much better!
Beautiful pictures!

I so love the South West. New Mexico is gorgeous and a place that I could live, however, Arizona speaks to me for reasons I do not understand.
Now excuse me while I go to the groecery store so I can make Shepard’s pie for my hubby tonight for dinner.

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Kylie On Wednesday, October 8 at 1:49 pm

I am a 5th generation Arizonan! Born and raised in the desert! I too have had to “go” several times in the outdoors–I totally know what you mean by “poorly maintaned public restrooms!” The best is when my son has to go while we are traveling–so easy for boys to go ANYWHERE!! Maybe I’ll just leave my daughter in diapers forever, because that isn’t going to be as much fun!!

ps. Next time you need a hook up on a hotel–my husband works at a couple of them in Scottsdale, so let me know! Ü

Those ankles sure come in handy! I’ve had my share of outdoorsy-rather-than-outhousy experiences, and I must say that being in the middle of the dessert sounds way better than just a little bit off the highway and 8 months pregnant! Not that I would know that personally, it’s just something I’ve heard.

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Sissy On Wednesday, October 8 at 2:10 pm

Pregnant – looks like some others picked up on it too!
Nauseated, giving up caffeine and having to pee all the time…

Love the deserts too. Albuquerque holds a special place in my heart. Peeing not on a toilet is a survival skill I mastered young. Trying to instill it in my 3 girls. It’s hard to explain how NOT to pee on your shoes!

oh i so totally understand! i would rather go outdoors than in a smelly restroom, too.

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Jensamom On Wednesday, October 8 at 2:18 pm

Good Lord, woman! You are too funny!

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Briana On Wednesday, October 8 at 2:19 pm

Oooh, Albuquerque is my hometown. Did you take HWY 60 through Pie Town and such? My husband and I always preferred that road to the interstate when we lived in Phoenix. Now I live in the Pacific Northwest and I miss the Southwest so much it hurts.

Julie On Wednesday, October 8 at 2:22 pm

Ha Ha. I used to think of various inventions that would be handy to have, and one that I thought of I called a “Pee Shooter”. It was basically a funnel type device for just such moments. Men definitely have it easier in that department.

I’m like you about the fast direct route. But I do agree that the off-the-beaten-path roads can often lead to some wonderful experiences. Nice that MM took the lead in this matter. Enjoy the ride!
♥