His name is Charlie Minton, and he’s my big brother. He would be 33 years old, but sadly, he passed away seven birthdays ago in 2010. I haven’t really talked about him here before because, well, it’s personal. It’s personal and saddening and quite the departure from the usual shoes / handbags / home decor talk around here, but life’s about much more than “stuff” and My Style Diaries is, after all, my personal space. So here goes…

Like I said, he’s my big brother. And like many big brother / little sister relationships go, growing up we fought like cats and dogs. Seriously, always on each other’s last nerves. Even now, when I hear a couple of siblings arguing in the grocery store, I think, man, my parents must have been so annoyed with us. Ha! But he’s my big brother, so at the end of the day, he had my back, and I had his.

By the time we both graduated from high school and started college, we were buddies. I guess it’s true what they say, distance makes the heart grow fonder. So does no longer sharing a bathroom with your dirty older brother. (Truth be told, I’m actually the messy one in this scenario, but that’s neither here nor there.) We could actually hang out, relate to each other, and laugh with (or at) each other.

Through the years, though, something changed in Charlie. He developed depression, and its side effects began to take over his thoughts and his life. There were really good times and also some bad, but the good ones are the ones we hold onto. The last time I saw my brother alive, it was Thanksgiving night of 2010. We had dinner with the entire family, and then went to a local bar with my cousin Coby. It was a really great night. We laughed so much. He was happy. Happier than I’d seen him in a while. And all was right in the world.

Charlie died six days later on December 1st, 2010. He left behind beyond-loving parents and extended family, friends who filled a church with tears, and a sister with no more siblings on this Earth. We’ve heard that the reason that he had such a great Thanksgiving is because he had already made his choice and was at total peace with it. I can’t really understand that. I will never understand the choice that he made, and in some ways, I’m happy that I can’t. But for those out there who are dealing with similar feelings of darkness and despair, there is hope. There is love. There are SO many people around you who value your presence in this world. SO many people who never want to fill a church to mourn your loss.

September is National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month, and I thought it was time that I finally help share a little light and awareness for a cause that is so dear to me. Next Wednesday, September 20th, I’ll be partnering with Kendra Scott for a Kendra Gives Back Party at Fashion Island. 20% of the proceeds from the event will go to the With Hope Foundation which aims to facilitate suicide prevention through mental health education.

If you’re in the Orange County area, I’d LOVE to see you there. And if you’re not, you can still help support through your purchases. Phone orders (with free shipping!) can be made during the event by calling 949-258-9285 – just have your favorite pieces from the site ready.

Phew, and there it is. This blog post was admittedly about a week late and a long time in the making. I didn’t really know where to start, what to say. Sometimes I may not say the right thing, but at the end of the day I do know this. I’m so grateful that I had 24 years with my brother, that I have amazing parents, family and friends and the most supportive husband that helped me through it, and that I have this space to share it with you guys. And I thank you guys so much in advance for all of your support.

Thank you for taking the time to bring attention to suicide prevention and sharing your story. I love hearing about Charlie and what he meant to your family. I can’t wait to come to Kendra Scott and support you and this cause! Love you lots xoxo

Nikki

Kathryn

September 12, 2017 at 7:27 am (5 months ago)

That was beautiful, Nikki. I’m so proud of you for putting your thoughts and feelings down so eloquently, and sharing them with the people who love you. You and Charlie were lucky to have each other and I know for a fact how proud your parents are of both of you! Much love to you….. ❤️

Nikki

Nancy Litwak

September 12, 2017 at 7:44 am (5 months ago)

Thanks for sharing, Nikki. I’m sorry for the loss of your brother, but it seems as though you’ve been able to look at the good you had with him, which is so important. My brother also suffered from depression and fell victim to suicide the year after I moved out of that “apartment above the garage” behind y’all in Newport Beach. It’s always positive to see people talking about this stuff, so to alleviate the stigma of mental illness – I appreciate your post! Thanks again. Hope y’all are doing great!

Nikki

September 12, 2017 at 2:34 pm (5 months ago)

Oh Nancy, I’m so sorry for your loss as well! Definitely not a club we want to be a part of, but not one to be ashamed of either. You were always such a positive person, hope you’re doing great as well! xoxo

Nikki

Hi Nikki. Since I’m in Italy I’d like to make a monetary donation in your brother’s name. Can you give me the name of a good organization? You a brave woman. Your brother would be proud. Love you. Xoxo

Nikki

Rita Talbot

September 12, 2017 at 12:40 pm (5 months ago)

Big brother still taking care of little sister!! I sense the difficulty in writing this acknowledgement of Charlie’s death. Know that it was so very tastefully done….with love, validation of the event and that willingness to bring forth awareness of mental health and willing to work ‘for the cause!!’ God bless you, lil sister…..big brother must be smiling at you…..no doubt!! ♥

Tess Felber

September 12, 2017 at 2:05 pm (5 months ago)

I am so deeply sorry for your loss and for sharing this intimate part of your life with us. I truly believe you have a special place as an influencer that you do have the possibility to save a life. You are lucky your last time with him was so happy, holding onto the best memories are what keeps you going.
xx Tess | Sequins are the New Black

Karen Williams

September 12, 2017 at 10:13 pm (5 months ago)

So brave, so eloquent and so heartfelt. I too am grateful that your last memory of him was a happy one. Charlie would be so proud of his little sister and although your parents miss him every day, I know you bring them much joy which blesses them immensely. The pictures are beautiful and of course I love the sweet memory of him on your bouquet.