10 tips for brides dealing with stress-inducing moms

Monday

May 24, 2010 at 12:01 AMMay 24, 2010 at 12:05 PM

You want a small, elegant wedding. Your mother-in-law’s list alone includes 300 relatives and friends. Plus their kids. You plan a ceremony on the beach. Mom insists on a church affair. Whose wedding is it anyway? Wedding planners and psychologists have these tips to keep your mother or mother-in-law in check while still involving them in the wedding.

Karen Caffarini

You want a small, elegant wedding. Your mother-in-law’s list alone includes 300 relatives and friends. Plus their kids. You plan a ceremony on the beach. Mom insists on a church affair. Whose wedding is it anyway?

Wedding planners and psychologists have these tips to keep your mother or mother-in-law in check while still involving them in the wedding.

Give them a job

“Most moms just want to be involved in the wedding,” says Melissa Franzen, owner of A Perfect Day wedding planners in Springfield, Ill. She suggests giving them small or tedious tasks, such as making and wrapping favors.

Ask their opinion

This makes parents feel important and a part of the process, advises Dr. Jodi Stoner, a Miami clinical psychologist and co-author of “Good Manners are Contagious.”

Communicate

Meet with both sets of parents as soon as you get engaged so there are no surprises later, Stoner advises.

Don’t accept money

Parents feel they have more rights if they’re paying for the wedding, Stoner says.

Have a mediator

Whether it is a wedding planner, etiquette expert or a relative, someone should be there to help work out the bumps and assist in resolving disagreements.

Stick to the number

Stoner says if everyone has to cut their guest list, moms won’t be as upset. But the bride and groom have the last say.

Compromise

Pick out your priorities, and be flexible on matters you aren’t that passionate about but that do matter to your mom or mother-in-law, such as centerpieces or flowers, Franzen says.

Know your moms

Let the mediator know in the beginning if there is a pushy mom. The mediator may meet with that person separately, or not include her at all if she won’t budge, Franzen says.

Bride first

If something is really important to the bride, she should make sure everyone knows it and honors it, Franzen says. It is your wedding.

Think of the fallout

That said, remember, this is one day of your life; fractured relationships with your families could last forever, Stoner warns.