BRUHstrology: How It’s Goin’ Down (Week of 05/13/18)

We decode your horoscope so you don't have to.

BRUHstrology is where the astral plane and corner store meet. With the expert help of astrologer Janelle Belgrave (and our resident BRUHstrologer, Bruce Goodwin II), CASSIUS decodes your horoscope so you don’t have to. Here’s what’s on deck for the week of May 13, 2018.

Source: Creative Services / iOne Digital

Aries

The Astrologer Says:

Time’s up, Aries! The hemming and hawing you’ve been doing around increasing your assets are coming to an end. Start a brand new story around money, self-worth, and investing in what you value. So what if that new Infinity War frozen yogurt spot seems like a longshot? Now’s a good time to put those radical ideas to the test to see if they’re viable moneymakers. Pay attention to who in your crew is up for collaborating on your insights. You never know which wild idea could strike gold.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

It’s time to put some extra work in on the weekends and get that side hustle up to par so you can make some bread off it. That way, all those dates you’re going on won’t hurt your pocket as much. That $200 date rule on Shea Butter Twitter seems reasonable now, doesn’t it?

Leo

The Astrologer Says:

You’re coming up with a new story for your career and reputation, Leo. Time to leave behind the titles that no longer fit your new image. It’s the week to walk out from the empire you built from scratch if you’re no longer invested in that vision. Instead, commit to growing a new name for yourself. Choose one that allows you to be yourself while giving back to society and leaving a lasting impression that’s fit for the history books.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

A career switch is on the way. Remember that time you majored in finance for four years even though you wanted to switch to journalism after one semester? Now’s your time to switch up. Do what makes you happy, even if it’s knitting blankets for Etsy. As long as you cover rent and buy a fifth of Hennessy, no one can tell you shit.

Sagittarius

The Astrologer Says:

The dream is coming together, Sadge. The side hustles are slowly becoming main hustles, you’re finding your purpose and your passion for your work, but it’ll all be for nothing if you don’t strike a mind-body balance. You need structure, good health, and a daily routine to sustain your drive. Organize and strategize the new bedtime, diet plan, and exercise schedule so that you don’t burn out while chasing down your ambitions. I hope you’ve been stretching!

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Your mixtape finally has 1,000 streams on SoundCloud, so you think you’ve finally made it… congrats? Sit back and wait until you make it on one of Spotify’s curated playlists, then you’ve actually made it. We heard there might be some open slots on those playlists anyway.

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Taurus

The Astrologer Says:

Let go of whatever ideas you had about yourself because that’s over, that’s canceled. This is the moment you’ve been waiting for, Taurus: the grand reveal of the new you. You’ve been exploring new worldviews, and now you’re ready to change your visuals so that it matches your new life concept. If you feel the itch to change your hair or wardrobe, be sure to follow through. There’s nothing like a new look to announce to the world “new phone, who dis?”

The BRUHstrologer Says:

The new you is here. Not sure if it was you finally admitting how much you enjoy Post Malone’s music or realizing that Chance the Rapper was right when he said Black people can be Republicans, but you’re finally starting to come into yourself. Either way, embrace it. Welcome the change, shave the beard if need be. The five o’clock shadow is a vibe for the summer.

Virgo

The Astrologer Says:

It’s a big world out there, Virgo, so why don’t you go out there and explore it? Look at all the people who are interested in you and the work that you do! That’s all you and your talent making it happen. Pay attention to who you meet and who wants to light up your mind with bright and unusual perspectives. You never know which wild idea could be the key to your next creative project— stay curious and open-minded to new inspiration.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Catch flights, not feelings. But seriously, buy a plane ticket to a place you’ve never been, like Cuba. Especially Cuba, ya know, before Trump somehow fucks up that relationship. Or maybe just go to D.C. so you can go to that strip club called Stadium. We hear it’s quite the establishment.

Capricorn

The Astrologer Says:

Put some effort into filling your calendar up with activities that spark your passion and put a smile on your face, Cap. Throw caution to the wind every now and then, learn what it feels like to strike a fluid balance between twerking all night and still making it on time for work the next day, or hell,—you may even want to call out for the day. The universe wants you to see the benefits of playing hooky because a joyous life makes the long climb to the top more fun. Use your vacation days, please.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

All work and no play makes you dull AF. Skip work every once in a while if it means you get to chill with your thoughts without your boss Jim shoving another report in your face. Chill, Jim. It’s really not that deep, fam. But we also know Jim’s been going through a lot at home, so don’t be to mean to him. All the BRUHstrologer asks is that you add some balance to your life.

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Gemini

The Astrologer Says:

Hit the reset button, Gemini, and stick yourself in rice while you’re at it. The last few weeks have had you overdoing it on multiple levels, and it’s a good idea to go back to your original factory settings. Unplug yourself from the matrix, take a long weekend for a relaxing mental and emotional retreat. A little quiet time will help to free your mind so you can decide what kind of Twin you want to be going forward. Hopefully, it’s the Twin who likes to read books.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

All that ish you’ve been poppin’ off hasn’t been working, has it? It’s time to get back to your basics. Either go back to your factory settings (or hit the ‘Ye button).

Libra

The Astrologer Says:

The point of facing your fears and insecurities is so that they no longer have a hold on you, Libra. Congratulate yourself for being brave enough to look at your flaws and make peace with them. Now, get to work releasing all the emotional baggage and stories you’ve been telling yourself about not having your needs and desires met. Being unsatisfied is getting old, Libra. Claim what you want, then be open to receiving it. You do deserve.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

So wait, you know what’s upsetting you, but you haven’t fixed it yet? Honestly, THAT SOUNDS LIKE A CHOICE. Get your life together, dog. You can do it. Be happy.

Aquarius

The Astrologer Says:

If you’re going to be masterminding and plotting from the comfort of your couch, Water Bearer, you might as well make it more comfortable. Open up the windows, give the place a good mopping, and make time to tackle the growing laundry pile. Make home base a sanctuary that you can thrive in. Put up those shelves and finally shred that stack of bills so that you have a clean space to relax, think, and get things done.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

For the umpteenth time, clean up your space. Looking through the floor for the day’s outfit isn’t the wave, man. Get some plants, get some candles, set a vibe. If you gotta plot from your studio apartment, make it look sexy.

Source: Creative Services / iOne Digital

Cancer

The Astrologer Says:

You need inspiration and connection, Cancer. If you’ve been feeling restless, this week is the perfect time to go out and network. Talk to people who share your hopes and wishes for the future. Laugh, remind yourself that not all relationships are based on struggle and strife and that you can indeed enjoy the company of others while collaborating towards a shared goal. Imagine that. Just try to loosen up and enjoy yourself, because too much stress is bad for your health.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

While your girl has been using “Nice For What” captions on Instagram for the last month, you don’t have to abide by everything the Canadian gawd says. For instance, there’s nothing wrong with new friends. You can’t be the only person who likes to watch videos of pomeranian puppies on YouTube. Find someone else who has the same passions as you. There’s gotta be an app for that.

Scorpio

The Astrologer Says:

Give your one-on-one relationships a refresher, Scorpio. Think about who you’ve been partnering with and whether or not your shared efforts are bringing anything of value into your life. If the energy between you is dead and stale, it may be time to end the relationship and both move on to greener pastures. Invest new energy in the bonds that feed your passion and keep you focused on seeing your life evolve for the better.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Relationship getting stale? Time to freshen things up. That means you probably stopped putting in work, G. Do something spontaneous. Try that new Ethiopian restaurant, or buy a new comforter and sheets. You gotta do something, bro. You know you can’t survive alone.

Pisces

The Astrologer Says:

Hopefully, you’ve spent enough time unplugged and resting up at home, because this week has you running about meeting unusual new people and learning radical new concepts. Your phone is ringing off the hook, and your calendar is steadily filling up since you’re in demand, Pisces. Make a mental note of which people and conversations spark your imagination and stoke your desire to learn more. Chances are that what you come across this week will lead to a bright idea later on.

The BRUHstrologer Says:

Your week is about to get crazy, so we hope you’ve got something lit planned once things start to wind down on Saturday. We might have a few ideas…