August 29, 2010

A few weeks ago, I wrote an article called "Are You in the Soup?" It took aim at the myth that you could be too short, overweight, ugly, or poor to have beautiful women on your arm.

One guy I wrote about is Mark, a prospective Love Systems instructor. Women love Mark. He is so good at Love Systems that if you saw him at a bar or a party, you'd think he was a "natural" - you would never guess that he, like most of us, had to LEARN how to be successful with women.

Until you see that he only has one arm.

When Mark read "Are You in the Soup?" he said he agreed with it, but it didn't go far enough. As someone who could have easily given up, he wanted to tell his story. When I saw his draft, I quickly agreed.

Why Having a Disability HELPS My Game

And how YOU can have the life you want, no matter what hand you were dealt.

As some of you might know, I got hit by a train when I was five years old and lost my entire right arm from the shoulder down.

I'm not going to tell you the whole sob story about growing up like that. All you need to know is that it sucked and I felt like shit. It made me insecure. That's in the past now.

But, there was always this doubt that I would be able to hook up with hot, popular girls. Nothing would be further from the truth...

I have examined this thing in different ways from a few angles. And having one arm, missing a leg, having a limp, crooked eyes, or just being overweight, is actually... well, something that sets me apart. In a good way. What Savoy called a "Demonstration of Higher Value" in the Magic Bullets Handbook: a DHV.

I don't care what you have, if you are completely comfortable with it, and if you show it in everything that you do; it becomes an attractive quality.

If on top of that you're good at Love Systems, you have an advantage over what others wish they could have.

A few advantages I have come across are:

It shows vulnerability. That doesn't get you very far by itself, but if you also have the Love Systems skills of being able to convey dominance and sexualization, it's incredibly powerful.

It can create an instant connection and rapport. Everyone's got something. For example, a dancer I recently picked up immediately showed me a scar she had from when she was a kid.

It makes you more interesting because you must have overcome a lot to be where you are.

You're just different, period.

It completely short-circuits the "player" vibe.

There are many more, but you get the point.

Let's get specific. I'll use common questions I get from women about my arm as examples; you should have no trouble applying this to whatever it is you think is holding you back.

"Is there something wrong with your arm?"

In the past, if a girl asked me this, I would get all tense and in my head I'd be thinking, "I hope she doesn't mind." Now if a girl asks me that, I respond enthusiastically, "That's right baby, one arm!" Women love it, and it shows that you hold your own, no matter what.

"What happened to your arm?"

If you're anything like me, you get annoyed by this kind of question, especially the 500th time you get asked. But if you show annoyance or give a ridiculous answer, you are only sub-communicating that you are uncomfortable with it. That's never good.

Instead, just answer the question. "Oh, I had an accident when I was a kid." Then change the subject - like you do with Love Systems any time there's a conversation topic that isn't going to help you, whether it's about your missing arm, her boyfriend, or why she has to get up early tomorrow. "Have you met my friend Andrew?"

Because only someone with a strong personality and a lot going for him would cope with such a big problem so well, it becomes a DHV.

More questions about the arm...

Don't start answering a string of questions about it and get stuck in a long conversation about your 'handicap.'

You don't want to be "the handicapped guy." I'm sure you've listened to the interview with Future, Sinn, and Tenmagnet on Identity, so you know how women will apply an identity to you based on your first conversation. (If not, get it now. To get good, you need to spend time APPLYING knowledge to your own game. There isn't time in any man's life to re-invent the wheel. Learn the shortcuts from people who came before you - I definitely have.)

If she really wants to know more about the arm, she's going to have to work for it. Why would you open up that much to someone you just met? After you've closed the deal and are lying naked in bed, then you can tell her anything you want about it; it will only make her love you more.

In summary - when a woman asks you about the thing that makes you different... don't be insecure, and don't be defensive. Think: GAME ON!

- Mark

Three Quick Tips to Improve Your Game

I'm hoping to introduce this as a semi-regular feature - quick tips you can use right away. They won't be all that advanced or explained in detail so for experienced guys they are more of a refresher. Feedback welcome:

Women tend to be more attracted to men who wear red or are framed by a red background. (Source)

Your haircut says a lot about you to a woman. If you're under 35, go to the trendiest shop in the trendiest area of your town and ask for advice on where to get your hair cut. If it's expensive, you only have to go once; you can go to your regular guy 4 weeks later and tell him to copy it.

Be positive for at least the first hour. If the conversation goes to something you or her feel negatively about (the music, her career, the weather), change the subject.