Friends make senior year one of angst

Dear Chris, I am an 18-year-old high school senior getting ready to graduate. Recently I had a fight with one of my friends at school who sent me an e-mail saying I wasn't going to be part of our group anymore due to a rumor that I was talking about her behind her back. This rumor was false, and I tried to talk to her in person about it, but she completely ignores me and is now trying to turn all of our friends against me. I even sent her an e-mail apologizing for something I didn't even do. The other people in our group say they have tried to reason with her to talk to me and be civil again but she will not budge. Now these "friends" will do things only with her because they feel threatened by her controlling behavior. Most of these people will be attending the same college as me in the fall as well. I feel like I have no social life now and that I was so unimportant that my old friends just have forgotten about me. What should I do to make the situation better? Sad SeniorDear Sad, If you ask me, it's best that these rotten "friends" have forgotten about you. I discussed your problem with three experts: a high school counselor, an adolescent therapist and my cousin Jessica, also an 18-year-old high school senior. "I'm sorry to hear this happened to you during your senior year," Jessica says. "This year is supposed to be spent having fun with your friends, not fighting with them. If I were you, I would ask myself if they are really worth the heartache." She continues: "You tried to do what people should do when a problem arises and she treated you cruelly. As for the other friends, they feel threatened by her. A friendship shouldn't be based on someone controlling others." Jessica suggests you make new friends. "Maybe there are people you've always had in classes that you never really got to know," she says. "Now is the time to get to know these people. ... You still have a few months to make the best of it." Randy Luthringer, a guidance counselor at Dowagiac Union High school, says your "friends" sound immature. When Luthringer works with feuding friends, he talks to everyone separately first and then brings them into a meeting so they can see each other's faces when they talk. He says "nine times out of 10," students can patch things up, and he suggests asking your school counselor for help. The best news is this type of pettiness isn't prevalent in college, and you shouldn't have to deal with these girls or others like them. "You'll meet new friends," Luthringer says. Doré Silvey, an adolescent therapist with Madison Center, sympathizes. "Sadly, you've come to a moment where you've outgrown your friends. It's hard ... to have them turn their backs on you," she says. But "you've apologized with all your heart," Silvey adds. "There's nothing else to be done." Spend your spare time with family, preparations for college or finding a new set of friends, Silvey suggests. And "go ahead and grieve your friendship. It is a loss," she says. "But know that with every loss, things do get better." Send "Ask Chris" questions to ccox@sbtinfo.com, or Chris Cox, The South Bend Tribune, 225 W. Colfax Ave., South Bend, IN 46626.