What Is It About Cricket

Chances are you think the title will conclude with the words “that turns me on?” But pray don’t be misled. I am not one of the million - err billion Indians for whom cricket is a religion. To me, cricket is a bane. Actually in a cricket-mad country like India, it would need a slightly unhinged person to write on this subject.

Just look around you. From narrow byelanes in the cities to open spaces in the high mountains, you can see cricket being played everywhere. Why then would I wish to tear this game apart? For a variety of reasons actually. Including my belief that it is one of the factors responsible for killing all other sport in India. Cricket drains resources from sponsors and the government, leaving other sports gasping for funds like fish out of water. And it is’nt just me that holds this belief. The President of the Indian Olympic Association has voiced similar views. .

So what else is it about cricket that I don’t like? I think it is one of the most wasteful sports ever designed. There are 22 players and two umpires. And only 5 or 6 at most are gainfully employed at any time. In terms of manpower utilization, the game is an absolute disaster. For the entire playing time, at least 9 of the 22 players (over 40%) are sitting twiddling their thumbs. Can you imagine any organization which harbours so many thumb-twiddlers? And in case we forget, cricket teams are organizations too.

Even during this playing time, the actual period of play may be as little as 10 to 20%. For the rest, either the bowler is walking back to the beginning of his runup (especially fast bowlers) or the field is being set or drinks are coming onto the field or the sidescreen is being adjusted or a streaker is being chased off the field or whatever.

Rather than the “glorious uncertainties of cricket”, let me refer to the glorious certainties – that at least nine men are sitting in the pavilion. That of the eleven men on the field, at any time seven or eight are walking around rather aimlessly I think, trying hard to portray a gladiator-like visage.

Then look at the loss in terms of spectator manhours. Compare it with say football or hockey and you will know what I mean. If you think of a five-day test match being played in a stadium with a capacity of 70,000 and 6 playing hours every day, it works out to a mind-boggling 2.1 million manhours. Perhaps close to 3 million manhours if you take into account the lunch and tea breaks and travel time to reach the stadium. I wonder what all one could do with that number of manhours at your disposal. As a comparison, a football match would take around 140,000 manhours – less than one percent.

As if that was’nt enough, how many manhours do you lose when one billion Indians think they are experts at the game? How many manhours are wasted in analyzing supposedly important decisions - whether the captain should have chosen to bat instead of field, whether this bowler or that should have been offered a chance to bowl and so on.

If you are familiar with the newer 20-20 version of the game and are watching the ongoing Indian Premier League in South Africa on TV, you will notice that when the camera is not observing happenings on the field, it is busy beaming footage of waving crowds. Just a few seconds on the cheerleaders, who I would much rather watch. They’ve got their priorities upside down. That’s another good reason.

Charles Dickens and Wilkie Collins wrote a story titled “The Lazy Tour of Two Idle Apprentices” (italics mine) in which our hero is called, rather appropriately, I think, Thomas Idle. I quote below:

“ While Thomas was lazy, he was a model of health….Shortly after leaving school, he accompanied a party of friends to a cricket-field, in his natural and appropriate character of spectator only……At a certain appointed time, he was roused from peaceful slumber in a dry ditch, and placed before three wickets with a bat in his hand. Opposite to him, behind three more wickets, stood one of his bosom friends, filling the situation (as he was informed) of bowler. No words can describe Mr. Idle's horror and amazement, when he saw this young man - on ordinary occasions, the meekest and mildest of human beings - suddenly contract his eye-brows, compress his lips, assume the aspect of an infuriated savage, run back a few steps, then run forward, and, without the slightest previous provocation, hurl a detestably hard ball with all his might straight at Thomas's legs.”

When you look back to the origins of the game, it was played by the rich nabobs. It was never meant to be a game for Tommy or Dikshit or Hari to play. It should have been left to the likes of the maharajas, some of whom did actually excel at it. So instead of such unproductive waste, why don’t we just have a match between the two crickets below and call it a cricket match?

Comments

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Author

sabu singh 6 years ago

Thank you Carl. We are in the middle of the Cricket World Cup in India so you can guess the chaos.

carl 6 years ago

I came to India a year ago. One person asked me if I knew Tendulkar. I said 'is that a name of place in India?'. Seriously, cricket blinded Indians. They think the rest of the world knows about their time- wasting cricket and Tendulkar. Then I was told there is a cricket match for 5 days. I was like oh My GOD!!!!!!!. Really the people need to see psychiatrist. I subsequently studied the rules and watched some matches. Still I am confused as to where the entertainment lies. It is just one guy throws a ball and the other hits it if he can. This action is repeated several times.

Indians have a lot of patience. They should think about exporting this important asset.

Good article.

Author

sabu singh 7 years ago

Absolutely no reason, Stoob for guys to have all the fun. But with hairy legs and knobbly knees, do you think men cheerleaders would make a pleasing sight?

stoob 7 years ago

Nice one sabu. Although, i'm sure women would like to see cheerleaders of the male kind! Why should you guys have all the fun, huh?

Author

sabu singh 8 years ago

Absolutely Jaspal - the cheerleaders are more than welcome any day. In any case they are a damn sight more attractive than the cricketers. Thanks for reading.

Jaspal 8 years agofrom New Delhi, India

Couldn't agree with you more Sabu. So, wherein lies the sloution?

Do you think we could export/expel our cricketers to South Africa/Australia and import the IPL cheer leaders to give a leg up to other sports? :p

Author

sabu singh 8 years ago

Thanks for reading Sally's Trove. Glad you enjoyed this hub

Sherri 8 years agofrom Southeastern Pennsylvania

Tom, Dick, and Harry don't now and never did stand a chance with cricket in the US, either. Cricket came to the US in a royal package, which is still well preserved.

I enjoyed your spicy Hub. From this side of the world, thumbs up.

Author

sabu singh 8 years ago

Thanks for reading Cashmere. Glad you and your husband don't spend time watching cricket. Otherwise you would have even less time for each other

cashmere 8 years agofrom India

I guess IPL is bringing out this hub. Personally I am a bit non plussed with the attention the IPL gets. I'd much rather see a movie or read a book. Thankfully my husband isn't cricket crazy and we are yet to see a complete match together.

Author

sabu singh 8 years ago

FP you are truly hilarious. Thanks for reading

Feline Prophet 8 years ago

LOL - a game between the two crickets you feature here would be a rather noisy affair I would think! :P

But I'm glad someone else thinks cricket is a pretty pointless pastime. Excuse me while I duck for cover! :P