Man Passes Away From Boredom

A 44-year-old man was found dead on a local subway train. Doctors have attributed his death to boredom, the third confirmed case of its kind this month.

Several of the world’s leading scientist have been flown in and asked to ascertain the cause in order to prevent similar incidents from occurring. Following extensive tests, the scientists have concluded that the city-state’s lack of entertainment options for adults was the culprit. When interviewed by local newspapers, Dr. Slaphappy of John Hopkins University, one of the scientists working on the case, said, “I’ve traveled to some lugubrious and humdrum locations throughout my career, but this place takes the cake. I have nearly succumbed to Boreditis myself.”

The Ministry of Health and Happiness has tried to calm the public’s apprehensions by citing the case as an “isolated incident,” but went on to tell citizens to take precautions, encouraging people to create their own fun (as long as it falls under the law and does not offend anyone). If that doesn’t work, they have instructed locals to periodically leave the country to “let loose a bit.”

Only time will tell if this epidemic will continue to spread throughout the country. Nevertheless, one maxim holds true, never poke the guy “sleeping” next to you on the subway.