Despite the claim on this week's People magazine cover, Jennifer Lopez DOES have one regret: Camp J. Lo is intensely unhappy with the cover photo, accompanying an interview with the star that is timed precisely to upstage Mariah Carey's judging stint on American Idol. Unfortunately, the plan backfired, as Lopez allegedly thinks it makes her look like a haggard old crone crouching in a bizarre position. Lopez's "friends" are also "comparing the singer and former Idol judge's wide-eyed look and stick-straight hair to eccentric 70-year-old fashion designer Betsey Johnson."

Okay, so it's not the best photograph that J. Lo has ever taken, but it's a very flattering picture of active PTA member Mrs. Barbara Hodge of Teaneck, New Jersey, momentarily glancing up from ladling her crowd-pleasing baked ziti onto kids' paper plates at the Drama Club Potluck Dinner. Like that is THE face you make when you're spending the evening watching 20 adolescents with hormonal voice changes sing the same song from Wicked. [Page Six]

In which Khloe Kardashian Odom (more like Khloe Kardashian SO DUMB, am I right?!???!! Take my wife, please!!) bites the applique-manicured hand that feeds her in a post on her blog entitled "Enough Is Enough":

"It is disgusting that Life & Style and InTouch magazines continue to print these false stories about my life: the status of my marriage, false reports about a miscarriage, the horrible lie that my dad is not my biological father, jealousy over my sisters' lives, etc. It is a complete waste of time to address these reports every time they print these ridiculous and absurd tabloid stories, but not only are these stories untrue, they're also unfair to the people who buy the magazines expecting to read accurate reports."

Right. EXCEPT they also made her famous and even more extravagantly moneyed than the life she was born into for no discernible reason pertaining to talent or worth. [Khloe Kardashian/Celebuzz]

At long last, Lance Armstrong confessed to Oprah Winfrey that he indulged in EPO, blood doping and use of testosterone to win his seven straight Tour de France titles, an achievement that he now says would have been physically "impossible" without the enhancements.

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"I know the truth. The truth isn't what was out there. The truth wasn't what I said. This story was so perfect for so long. You overcome the disease, you win the Tour de France seven times, you have a happy marriage, you have children. I mean it's just this mythic perfect story, and it wasn't true. [...] I was used to controlling everything in my life. I controlled every outcome in my life. Now the story is so bad and so toxic, and a lot of it's true." [USA Today]

At a book party, Vulture asked Michael J. Fox about the Golden Globes joke about wide-eyed romantic/predatory song-material-gathering siren millionairess Taylor Swift and Fox's son Sam. Fox admitted that he didn't keep up with the Youngs these days, "but Taylor Swift writes songs about everybody she goes out with, right?" He admitted that although he wouldn't recognize her, he'd realize it when the song was on the radio "[called] 'Sam, You Piece of Shit.' Oh… that was the girl you brought home!" [Vulture]

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27-year-old Patrick Leach, the son of the woman who created Barney & Friends, was arrested for the attempted murder of a Malibu man. [TMZ]

Michael Jackson's dermatologist Dr. Arnie Klein took to Facebook to compare a photo of Prince Jackson with his own driver's license as a younger man. Caption: "Hmmmm." Admittedly, a serious resemblance. [World of Wonder]

Katie Couric opens up, eloquently, on the subject of losing her husband and sister to cancer: "It's these parallel universes when someone you love is sick. Your world is this completely foreign place involving radiation and tumor markers. Outside, people are buying sweaters." [Radar Online]

Charlie Sheen showed a grain of sanity when he told Piers Morgan that he's given up all his firearms and is now in favor of gun control. [Mediaite]

For Kate Moss's birthday, her husband Jamie Hince took her on a weeklong trip to Napa Valley to swish wine around in her mouth and not swallow it. [The Sun]

Leonardo DiCaprio admits that in his free time he basically just gets drunk and does Irish jigs with Fabrizio below deck: "'I take what I do very seriously when I'm on the set that's all I focus on. So my vice is to hang out with my friends, talk about absolutely nothing of importance and act like a complete idiot. It's like therapy to just be a complete idiot with my friends." [Entertainmentwise]

In a weird, sad interview, Leann Rimes says that "her body wouldn't let her stop" having the affair with now-husband Eddie Cibrian. [CeleBitchy]