Ask Sam letter

To Sam18 September 2013

I'm ugly

I hate how ugly I am. My friends are all gorgeous and very skinny and good at p.e and dancing and I cant do anything. I'm fat and ugly and people make fun of me because I've got fat legs, a fat face, well fat everything! It really brings me down how I'm not pretty or skinny and no boy will ever fancy me

Sam19 September 2013

Hi there

Thanks for your letter and for being so open about how youre feeling at the moment.

I can hear how painful it is for you to think youre not as good as your friends at PE and dancing, especially when youre worried that youre ugly as well. You told me that people have been making fun of you and it sounds like thats really knocked your confidence. Sometimes being teased or bullied can make it hard to think of the things that you do really like about yourself.

Its important to remember that being pretty or ugly isnt based on facts  these things are opinions. Everybody is pretty to some people and less attractive to others. I would guess that the people who have tried to make fun of you because of your weight will have times when they feel insecure about how they look too. It seems like youre finding it really hard to imagine somebody fancying you, but believing in yourself can really help. Even if youre not feeling very confident at the moment, acting like you feel good inside can go a long way towards showing other people what a great person you are.

You said that you dont feel like you can do anything, but its important to think about the things you really enjoy doing. Whether or not youre good at something right now, if you enjoy it then its brilliant to keep doing it, whether thats PE, reading, maths, dancing, computer games, speaking French, acting, singing, telling jokes or anything else you can think of.

If youre not feeling confident about yourself, it can be harder not to take nasty comments to heart. You might find it helpful to read about fogging on the Assertiveness page in Explore. This is a good way of showing bullies that youre really not bothered by what they say, which can make it harder for them to carry on. It would also be good for you to have a look at the How You Look page (which has some good advice on ways to feel more confident about your appearance) and the page on Building Confidence and Self-esteem.

You might also find it really useful to talk all this through with a ChildLine counsellor. They can listen to how youre feeling about yourself without judging you or telling you what to do.