When I was in college, I spent a summer in a study abroad program in Seoul. My fellow students and I spent the entire time trying to get shitfaced at every single bar within walking distance of the school. I would say our effort was valiant, and that we mostly succeeded. It was an awesome time.

The very first night we were in Seoul, we went to a bar across the street from the school called "S Bar." Most of the bars in Seoul had weird names like that, but we just chalked it up to Korea being a weird place. Everyone got totally hammered, especially me. Because that is what I do, I drink too much and make an ass of myself.

For the sake of this story, you should know that I'm pretty into Asian chicks. I know, I know, a white dude with an Asian fetish, how original. Fuck you, judgmental person I just made up, you know you love them too. Asian women are beautiful!

Speaking of beautiful Asian women, the bartender at S Bar was incredible. And she seemed like she thought this group of drunk American assholes were the funniest people ever, because she kept laughing at all our drunken, idiotic antics. Probably just to get a better tip out of us, but fuck it, I'm gonna pretend it's because she liked me.

Anyway, after having many many drinks, I was really feeling the liquid courage. I felt invincible, unstoppable, and other words used to describe the Hulk. In fact, I felt so great that I said to myself, "Go for it with this bartender, dude!" Except I didn't really know what I meant by "go for it." "Just go for it, dude" is meaningless -- it's something that your friends say when they want to make you feel like a pussy for not making a move, but it doesn't actually offer any helpful advice. All women are different, and every situation is different, and "go for it" just assumes that all you need to do in order to get laid is be willing. If that were the case, I would have a lot more stories about the times I got laid, instead of stories like this one. Spoiler alert!

So I figured out my smooth game plan would be to order a drink with a side of her phone number. Since this was my first day in Korea, I did not have a phone that worked in the country yet, but I decided I would deal with that problem later. To my surprise, she was actually flattered, giggled in her cute Korean bartender way, and wrote her number on my hand.

At that point, I immediately fell asleep. Still in my chair at the bar.

I woke up in my room, about eight hours later, covered in dick drawings. The people I was with at the bar (I hesitate to call them "friends" because they drew all over me when I was asleep, and because I had just met them. We eventually became friends over the course of that trip, though) decided that since they would have to carry my drunk ass home, they should draw dicks all over my face. Using the very same marker the bartender used to give me her number. I mean, I see where they were coming from. I would have done the same thing to somebody else. It just sucks when it happens to you.

Needless to say, once I finally got a phone to use in Korea, the bartender and I did not end up sleeping together. She did end up banging a different dude in my program though, because he managed to both get her number and stay awake afterward.