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Talking to a Girlfriend

Because I don’t like to keep things serious for long. When in doubt turn to one of your best girlfriends.

Natalie: so I am pretty nervous about my professional ting tang waxing. I have had it waxed, but by a friend who waxes….so I am nervous, but then not as nervous as I probably would have been before having Jack….since ya know everyone has seen my ting tang now

Oak: She sees so many yours won’t be anything special… No offense.

Natalie: HAHAH.

yeah but do I like try to have a conversation with her?

what do we talk about?

Oak: I mean I assume there’s nothing highly remarkable about it like its green or shaped like a cornucopia

Yes. You just chat.

Natalie: shows what you know. it is highly remarkable

do I take off all my clothes or just my pants?

it would be weird to be completely naked right?

Oak: Like you’re having coffee but with your vag out. Just pants and undies.

Natalie: I almost peed just now

shoes and socks?

Oak: That might be weird. Avoid that.

I take off my shoes and socks.

Natalie: because it would be weird to be pantsless with shoes and socks on

Oak: Riiiight.

Natalie: man I bet you wish you were going to be filming this

Oak: Here I am with my pumps and my … Blouse.

Natalie: I buzzed my bush down last night and got all crazy and cut my clit….oh dear I am just a mess

Oak: Dude. You trimmed before a waxing?? How amazon had you gone???

Natalie: well I am hoping I didn’t cut too much off……I dunno. It was actually kind of ridiculous because the top portion wasn’t too long, but I bent over and looked and was like ‘WTF?????’ the underregions got a little out of hand

Oak: Take Advil before … Takes the edge off. Also it needs to be 1/4 inch

Natalie: okay cool. I think it is long enough…hopefully

do they like turn you away if it is too short

Oak: Mine’s usually long enough to braid though.

Natalie: BAAAhhaaaa

Oak: No. It’s just not as good a wax.

Natalie: with a brazillian do they do your ass crack?

or do you have to ask for your ass crack?

It just seems weird not to do my ass. I mean to have a clean front and a hairy back. but is ass-crack separate from brazillian?

ugh I am so dumb

and I can’t google brazillian wax at work

Oak: Depends on the waxer. I usually say take everything but a strip and then motion that the whole undercarriage needs up keep

they should either ask or do it out of process.

Some make you flip and put your ass in the air but most just make you hike your leg.

Natalie: like tabletop position?

Oak: And yes. A hairy asshole negates a clean labia.

Natalie: hike my leg? like I am a dog and she is a fire hydrant?

Oak: Like “face down ass up” child’s pose.

Natalie: nice. yoga + waxing

like shocking yoga

Oak: Totes. Just remember like I said – peeing on her is frowned upon.

Natalie: I will really try not to.

they should make like tampons for your pee hole.

so you can put them in when it would seriously be a bad situation to pee

11 thoughts on “Talking to a Girlfriend”

Bahahahaha!! I JUST got home from getting my vag waxed! I always wear flip flops. Then it’s easier to strip down and just leave them off. The most awkward part is when you first go in….do you strip IN FRONT of the lady or wait for her to leave and then come back after you’ve gotten situated?!?! My lady always comments when I trim up first. Oh well. She also probably thinks I’m weird because I’ll bring the baby with me sometimes. Whatevs…sometimes that works better with my schedule. But yeah, I strip from the waist down….and she does the backside without asking. I lay flat and she does her thing. But it’s funny at the end when I’m standing up and she comes at me to run some aloe on there….feels like my mama’s wiping my hoo ha… Also, it’s probably frowned upon to go get waxed when you’re on the rag….and for your own comfort, I wouldn’t recommend the week prior either. Or a day you’re planning on having sex….give that shit 24 hrs to calm down before you put it to work!

Ok so I’ve never waxed ANYTHING in my life, so I certainly have never let anyone near my “ting tang” (love the new term btw) with wax! I tried nair on my legs in like 8th grade and my skin was red and painful stingy for several days… and that’s when I knew, I would have to shave every damn inch of everything the rest of my life. So it gets tricky when you’re preggo though… cause you can’t see any of that shit on your own. I actually made the hubs shave me (he thought it was cool so don’t judge) a few weeks ago, but that was only after cutting myself as well! OUCH! Clearly there has to be a better way to control the bush… I am terrified of this brazilian thing though… am I missing out on something that’s super awesome and not really as scary/weird as I am thinking in my mind? Because I am fairly certain that I would rather have my male OB perform all kinds of shit with his fingers up in me (which terrifies me to the point of losing sleep) than get waxed by a stranger… You’ll have to fill me in.