Common Things Found In Really Weird Places

#44 will totally stun you, we think someone ate their cell phone.

Jay Dawson October 25th 2017 Weird

The world has an order to it. For example, when we're teaching children different words, we'll tell them that a spoon is something that you find in a kitchen. Is that the only place you find a spoon? No, but it's unlikely that you'll find a spoon in most other places... right?

Wrong! Sometimes a perfectly normal thing can turn into something totally weird just by being in the wrong place at the wrong time. You'll see what I mean in this list of common things found in really weird places. It's as if these items were trying to play hide and seek - and did a really great job of it.

Most of these will have you scratching your head as to how they got there. Most of them will also make you laugh simply for how silly they are. That's what life is all about, after all. It's about being surprised with joy as much as possible. Hopefully you find plenty of surprise and joy. I think you will though. Especially with #45.

The Mystery Spoon

Really, it's incredible how we still haven't nailed the art of baking. No matter how many cookbooks we read and TV shows we watch, we still manage to eff it up pretty much every time. The mystery here is not really how the spoon got to be at the bottom of a cake, but more how we can continue to fail at life when we get so much help.

On the other hand, maybe this spoon was deliberately put there at the bottom of the cake. You know, like how you get a tiny little spoon packaged in with your yoghurt that's just the perfect size for both eating the yoghurt and also throwing away and eventually choking a baby turtle. Sorry, we didn't mean to make you feel bad. But you should - you can't even get baking right.

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Lipstick Print

We wouldn not be surprised if your first reaction to this photo was "eww". That's what we said, too. We're really not in a hurry to meet whatever girl put that on there. However, there's another side to this story, so hear us out. If you think about it, don't our toilet bowls deserve a lot more praise than they usually get?

They do so much for us, and all they get in return are us telling them that they're filthy and that they smell, and occasionally blocking them completely when our Spiderman figurine has to "sleep with the fishes". So maybe this woman realized that, as she was pouring her heart out to the toilet with a vicious hangover one morning. Thank you for listening, she said, and gave him a kiss.

The Abominable Snowman

We told you you'd get to solve a real life mystery today, so here you go: where are these footprints from? Whoops! We already solved it for you. They're from whoever took the photograph, silly. Alright, with that mystery out of the way, let's throw you another one. The question is this: where on earth was this photograph shot?

The subject of today is common things found in weird places, and this couldn't fit the topic any more nicely. This is a weird place, and we have no idea where it could be. It might be snow with a filthy polluted crust, but that doesn't explain the apparent puddle of water at the top of the photo. It might be sand, but who's ever heard of sand sinking underfoot like that? This is going to haunt us to the end of our days.

Looking For These?

Another baked good with a surprise at the bottom! If you know anyone with glasses, though, you'd know that this isn't as crazy as it looks. They're always losing them, and always finding them in the strangest places (and on top of their head, of course). How people manage to keep losing something that is literally in front of their noses is beyond us.

There is one slightly crazier idea for how these glasses ended up here: they were actually the loaf of bread's pair all along. Look at the thing. Doesn't it look smart with those specs on? Doesn't it look kinda natural? Like hipster bread or something? The only thing missing is a whimsical little bread moustache, and an Instagram account with a hundred thousand followers. How the heck could this even happen?

The Happy Carrot

First, let us guarantee to you that this photo is 100% genuine. These smiley faces haven't been painted on by some bored kid, but were actually like that when the carrot was cut open. How? We don't know. It's just one of those eternal enigmas that will never be solved. Either that, or the genetic modification of our food has really gone too far. We are going to go with the first one.

This reminds, actually, us of all those times people found Jesus burnt into their toast or the Virgin Mary in their Cheerios or whatever. Granted, this smiley face is a bit more distinctive than those, but it's a similar concept. Maybe God has stopped messing with us, and is just sending us emojis now. A smiley face for a job well done.

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The Tree Won

What you're looking at, right here, is old ice skates in a tree. Rub your eyes and look at it again, and think to yourself like the rest of us, "whu-?". Trees are incredibly resilient, even despite all the crap that us humans do to them, and it's not too uncommon for trees to grow around man-made objects. But ice skates?

That's not even mentioning the fact that those skate blades are halfway up the tree. They would literally have to have been there for a decade, if not more, before the tree could consume them like that and lift them that high. Someone would have to be either really, really forgetful, or else they just didn't want them anymore. There are easier ways to say you don't like skating, you know.

Giants Walk Among Us

The amount of people who wear size 20 shoes (about size 56, for you Europeans) is a pretty small group. Most size conversion charts don't even go up that high. The only person that we know with huge feet, Shaquille O'Neal, had size 22 feet, but he's one of a very small club. In fact, the person with the biggest feet in the UK has only size 21.

We're going to do some pretty loose math here and say there's about 100 people in the world with size 20 feet. Which makes the odds of one appearing in a shop pretty slim indeed. Not only that, but it makes them appearing in a shop which doesn't even sell shoes just about close to impossible. But guess what? That's exactly what happened.

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May The Fruit Be With You

With the internet destroying our attention span and dividing our time all over the place, advertisers are getting pretty desperate. We're not mindlessly consuming commercials on TV anymore, so they have to be more tactical in how they feed products to us. They have to think outside the box. Or just throw caution to the wind and put a sticker on an innocent banana.

We can only assume they're trying to advertise Star Wars, but then again the crossover between healthy eaters and Star Wars fans is pretty small indeed. Maybe they're advertising bananas as a kind of edible lightsaber? It is pretty straight and firm. Maybe you've got to eat the banana before it turns to the dark side. Okay, our banana and Star Wars jokes have run out.

Doppelganger

To anyone who thinks that doppelgangers aren't that freaky, we dare you to look at this photo. There's a reason that The X-Files, Buffy, Orphan Black, and just about every other horror show has dealt with unexplained body doubles - they're scary as heck. We don't know what it is - the thought that you're not as much of an individual that you thought you were, maybe.

Or maybe it's the idea that someone could just take over your life at any time. People have seen their doppelgangers plenty of times over the course of history, and it's not that uncommon. Even we bumped into Channing Tatum the other day. To capture a doppelganger on camera, that you didn't even know existed, is a whole other matter entirely. This coincidence almost seems too good to be true.

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Bitcoins

For the past year or so, it's been impossible to run around the internet without bumping into a bitcoin, a website about bitcoin, or someone talking about bloody blockchains again. It's actually getting pretty boring, to be honest. Having said that, there is something here that you really don't see every day: an actual bitcoin in the flesh. So let's get to the important stuff, where and how were these coins found?

According to the rumor, a church found one of these in their collection plate one day, back before bitcoin exploded in both popularity and value. The church would be mega rich by now if the priest hadn't spent it on a pack of cigarettes and a case of Smirnoff Ice. Also if a solid bitcoin wasn't just a symbolic token and technically worthless. What a huge shocker!

Technical Bug

The life of bugs, as we all know, is a short and depressing one. One minute they're born, and mere days later, sometimes hours, their time is up. Lost to a zapper or swift slap or just old age. But in that short space of time, they do manage to annoy us no end. No matter how secure you think your house is, bugs will always find a way in. And never find a way out.

This bug's incursion effort has got to be about the best we've ever seen, though. How it managed to squeeze its way in behind the screen of an LCD is anyone's guess, but it did it. There's plenty of jokes in here about the outrageous price of gas and bugs in the system, but we're not going to stoop that low. We're just going to point and laugh at this particular bug, because that's never going to find a way out.

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Pan Pizza, Pan Included

Spotted over at the Costco food court the other day was this howler of a stuff up, where whoever was packaging the pizza completely forgot to remove the pizza pan. Which is fine normally, considering how cheap those things probably are to replace - especially Costco pizza pans. But there is one problem with this: pizza pans have the potential to be deadly weapons.

Just think about how many fights go down in budget stores like Walmart and Target. Most of the time, they just end with a few bruised egos, a couple of arrests, and grainy phone footage on YouTube. Now imagine if those fights took place with a pizza pan in the mix, sharpened or otherwise. Are you seeing the severed limbs yet? Because we are. Captain America used a pizza pan as a shield, right?

Stairway To Nowhere

You can just imagine the Missing poster for this one. "Lost: Entire wooden staircase. Last seen in the vicinity of woods. Dearly loved family pet. Answers to Steppy." All jokes aside, the sheer mystery of how this got there is going to have us sleepless for weeks. This is like something Nancy Drew and her gang would try and solve.

Let's see if we can beat them to the bottom of this mystery. We've got a couple of theories: firstly, that there was a house there once but the stairs outlived everything. Second, that there used to be a hiking trail there. Third, that the trees are starting to build themselves. And finally, that someone took their stairs for a walk in the woods and let them out of their sight for just a split second.

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Fertile Grounds

Every time that we've tried our hand at gardening, it's resulted in utter embarrassing failure. Nothing we try to grow actually manages to get past the budding stage, before we forget to water it, it's attacked by bugs and birds, or it simply commits suicide because it can't bear the thought of being in our yard. But you know what does grow? Weeds.

Hell, if there was a market in selling weeds (not that kind), then we'd be filthy rich. We can grow whole lawns full of weeds with any effort, and they come up in the strangest places. Having said that, we've never seen them growing out of the back seat of a car before. That one's new. Clearly someone else is a better weed gardener than us. The person who owns this car needs to buy some weed killer for crying out loud.

"Just In Case"

"Just In Case" was what was written on top of this five-year-old's tin. A tin which contained a toy gun, fake money, and a plastic cell phone, of all things. Where do they even get these ideas from? And is this the coolest kid on the planet? Sure, he might have caught some John Wick or Bourne at some point, but to understand what it all means is a different matter entirely.

The kid's got his priorities straight, that's for sure. When the affair with his five-year-old flame goes south and he has to split the country, he'll be ready and away in a heartbeat. If he had a tiny fake passport, no doubt he would have packed that as well. At that age, about the worst things that we were hiding were our Bon Jovi cassettes, and that's only because we were embarrassed by them.

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Beach Landing

For us, there's really only two places where you should expect planes to be. Either at the airport, or in a plane museum. Maybe in a harbor if they're a seaplane, but that's about it. Certainly not buried under a foot of sand at a remote beach in Wales. A place so unexpected that no-one even thought to look for it there for 70 years.

The plane itself actually crashed there in 1942 during World War II. The pilot did not escape the wreckage, and the Lockheed fighter was left there to be covered by the sand and sea. It wasn't until the last few years that storms stripped the sand from the top of the wreckage, and the tides exposed the ancient aircraft. One minute it wasn't there, the next it was.

An Amazing Find

Get it? A-maze-ing find. Because it's a maze, right, and somebody found it! Alright, that's enough laughter for today. Let's get serious and talk about how this circular labyrinth got to be where it is. Someone making it is the obvious answer, except for the fact that it was discovered on a highly remote stretch of Australian beach, where nobody ever really goes.

So if it was by human hand, then they must have done it without ever thinking someone would find it. Which sounds a bit iffy to us - why would you build a maze that no-one else can play? It's not like it's much fun to do your own maze. The other option is, of course, that what we've got here is something like the Nazca lines. Which isn't any less spooky.

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God's Play Set

The third in our series of "Things That Really Shouldn't Be On Beaches, Please Stop Doing It Guys Because You're Wigging Us Out", and maybe the most mysterious of them all is this giant Lego man, who washed ashore in Siesta Key, Florida. He's not the first 8-foot plastic toy to have done so: apparently another one came in to land on a beach in the Netherlands three years ago, and then another in Brighton, England.

Yet no-one can explain where exactly any of these guys came from. The Danish manufacturer has naturally denied involvement, and the slogan on the figure's shirt - "No Real Than You Are" - doesn't sound like their kind of branding, anyway. In fact, it's not even proper English, and the more you think about it, the less it makes any sense at all. It's just a nice little mystery cherry on top.

A Little Bit Fishy

All of planet Earth has been mapped, explored, and photographed, except for one place: the ocean deeps. Is a place so inhospitable, so dark, cold, and pressurized, that only in the last few years have we managed to send a human down to the absolute depths. Even then, that's only to one small point in a watery jungle which covers two-thirds of the Earth's surface.

What we're trying to say through all this rambling is that for the most part, we have no idea what's down there. When something does appear - like this fish, for example - it's unlike anything we've ever known. A beachcomber found it on the cape of South Africa, but sadly threw it away before further studies could be done. For now, the deep will remain a mystery.

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Powered By Vegetables

Every time mom told you to eat your vegetables, did you do everything in your power to avoid them? We know we did, but we know now that we were wrong. Science has taught us that not only are vegetables good for you, but they're also packed full of energy. Fruit, too - just think of the lightbulb powered by a lemon.

On second thought, maybe if they're so high-powered, we shouldn't be eating vegetables after all. We should be using them to fuel all of our devices instead, like the carrots in this picture. At least, that's probably what the kids would have told their parents when they found last night's carrots there. Nice try, kids, but next time hide them somewhere a little less obvious. In any case, this was a pathetic attempt, but at least they tried.

Rainforest In A Bag

It must be nice, being a frog. Just a tiny little creature roaming about in a huge rainforest, with plenty of water and mud to splash around in and not a care in the world. So when humans come along and start stealing your habitat, we can understand that you'd want to stay in your leafy home. Go along for the ride, so to speak.

How this little guy managed to survive the processing and bagging process is another question for another day. Needless to say, he fared a lot better than a friend of us, half of whom we found in a bag of diced tomatoes while working for a fast food restaurant. Who won't be named. Let's hope that this particular frog made his way to a new home.

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Caught Blue Handed

The rise of body shaming has put us all in a bit of a difficult position. There's no denying that we love our chocolates and candy, but everyone's ready to pounce on us and tell us off when we do indulge. But desperate times call for desperate measures, and this enterprising individual found the perfect place to hide their stash.

Well, they thought they had found the perfect place. Unfortunately, they also chose to live with the only person in the world who actually enjoys their edamame beans from the freezer section (protip: they'll never be as good as they are in a Japanese restaurant). And verily, they were sprung. Based on the size of the stash in the photo, though, it seems like they got a fair way through before the discovery.

Hidden Treasure

Many of us have grown up with old stories of pirates' treasure and the adventures that surround them. Sometimes we dream about digging up a couple of pounds of Spanish doubloons, but the reality is that that stuff is long in the past. Or is it? Not for this family, who found this haul in their new house while they were redoing the floor tiles in the kitchen.

The contents: $51,080 in cash, a bottle of bourbon, a bingo card (which we assume had expired), and a book. Not a bad haul, if you're not even looking for it. The book, in fact, is maybe the biggest mystery of the lot. Titled "A Guide For The Perplexed", in it were a series of clues, seemingly to another lot of treasure hidden in Arizona. Which no-one has found to this day.

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Grossest Discovery Ever

While we're on the subject of treasure found inside houses, let us tell you the story of one couple in Greenwich, UK, who probably would have preferred the $50k. What they found in the walls of their house was a bottle of nail clippings, hair, and urine, all tied together by a leather heart pierced by a nail. Is that creepy or is that creepy?

As researchers discovered, the bottle actually dated to the 17th century, and was a kind of talisman known as a "witch bottle". Basically, you jam a whole bunch of body waste in a bottle and put it behind a wall, and voila! Whatever curse you had is lifted. Apparently the urine was found to contain traces of nicotine, so whoever made the bottle must have been really stressed out about that curse.

A... Baby?

Those of you with a slightly weak constitution should probably skip ahead to the next slide now. Others, well, read on. In 1850, a baby was found in a Parisian apartment by the couple living there. So far, so weird, but the freaky part was that the baby was mummified. And in the wall. Pretty soon after, the couple were charged with murder.

Here's the interesting part to this sad tale. The couple were cleared of the murder, because a physician proved, for the first time ever in French court, the approximate time of death by using insects. Insects! You don't see that too often on CSI. Anyway, basically the child had been long gone, long before the couple even moved in. Hooray for bugs, boo to murderers. We hope this little background story won't give you nightmares, sorry!

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Cats

Alright, this is the definitely the last of the "common objects in walls". We swear. Brace yourself, cat haters, because this one's a gem. See, a long, long time ago, around the 17th and 18th centuries, dried out cats were a real hit. People didn't have fidget spinners back then, so they had to make do with a desiccated feline to keep them amused. And the best place to put them was in their walls.

We're only half joking. Dried-out cats were put in walls, but not for fun. In fact, they were used as a way to ward off evil, we're guessing in a high-powered version of the toenails and urine in a bottle that we mentioned before. These were even more common than the bottle, in fact - apparently they're simply falling out of old walls all over England these days.

James Bond Will Return, He's Just In Storage Right Now

Does James Bond count as an everyday object? Considering how many films, and how much merchandise there's been, we're gonna say yes. Which is luck for us, because we've got a strange story for you about one of his cars. Specifically, the submarine car he used in The Spy Who Loved me. For years it had gone missing, and then it was found.

Where? Oh, in a storage unit on Long Island, the contents of which were bought by a man for $100. He hadn't ever watched a Bond film, so he had no idea of the car's history until he was towing it home and other drivers alerted him to the fact. Nobody knows how it ended up there in storage, but the guy couldn't care less. He sold off the car to Elon Musk for a cool million dollars.

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A Leg

Thanks to Storage Hunters or Bargain Bin Wars or whatever those stupid programs are called, buying the contents of storage sheds, sight unseen, has become somewhat of a craze. It's no surprise that people are starting to find truly weird stuff out there - you lapse on your payments for one second and some schmuck will have already snapped up your dearest possessions.

This tale's one of the strangest to come out of the storage fad, though. When Shannon Whisnant emptied out the shed that he bought at auction, he found an amputated human leg... in a meat smoker. Luckily it wasn't some murder - the original owner had just lost it in a plane crash, and was planning to store it until he could be buried with it. A story so strange that they even made a movie about it.

Dug A Little Too Deep

Most of us with at least a little bit of sense wouldn't buy a house anywhere near a cemetery. You can be as skeptical as you like about ghosts and spirits, but that's not going to stop you from the inevitable freakout when things go bump in the night. There's just something about them which makes them fine to visit, but not to stay.

Unfortunately, some people like Vincent Marcello from New Orleans don't really have a choice. He had no idea he was actually living on top of a 18th century graveyard until he started excavating for a pool in his backyard. And came up with bodies. The workers ended up finding 13 caskets, and Vincent Marcello no doubt went completely mad. We are curious to know if anyone even lives on the property any longer as it's probably haunted.

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There's Gold In Them Thar Cans

Try to imagine, if you can, the mind rollercoaster of the couple from Sierra Nevada that found a can of coins on their property. First they're walking the dog and notice the top of a rusty canister poking out from the soil. Okay, they think, let's just get that out of the way. Then they realize that the can is full of old gold discs. Fine, they think. Just someone's penny collection from last decade.

Nope - they're $20 gold coins from the 1890s. Cool, they think, not a bad little find. There won't be more where that came from. Wrong again - there were a further eight cans of the coins in the same area, eventually totaling 1,427 coins, or $27,980 at face value. Which is pretty good for a walk in the field, right? Yeah, except that's just face value. They're actually now worth over $10 million.

Just When You Thought...

Alligators are a fact of life in many of the southern US states, especially in Florida. You see them on the golf links, at the Everglades, and even occasionally in your own backyard. They just don't seem to see the boundary between the human habitat and their own. Finding them in your swimming pool however is a little bit rarer.

That's exactly what happened to the Bentes, though, when they heard some odd noises out back, late at night. At first they just thought it was a stray dog, but the truth turned out to be far more frightening... an IRS agent doing a tax audit! Just kidding, it was a gator, and an eight-foot one at that. Swimming in circles, just minding its own business. Perhaps this pool isn't chlorinated, otherwise it may have detracted the serpent from taking a dive.

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Intergalactic Pranksters

The number of meteorites hitting Earth each day is just one of those facts that science nerds love to bring out at house parties. To be fair to them, though, the number is astonishing: upwards of 50,000 per year fall to Earth. However, this only translates to about 70 or so per quarter of a billion acres, so the odds of seeing one are still pretty slim.

Not so for this Bosnian farmer, whose house and yard have been hit on six separate occasions. Scientists are still at a loss to explain why his house might be so attractive to space rocks, but the farmer has ideas of his own. He thinks that aliens are deliberately trying to bombard his house, in what must be the lamest invasion attempt since M Night Shyamalan's Signs.

Bombs Away

While you can blame meteorites on the aliens, there are far more dangerous things to hit the Earth, and they come from man himself. We're talking bombs here, and over the history of aerial warfare, there's been millions and millions dropped all across the world. How many? It's hard to say, but as an eye-opening example, over 450,000 cluster bombs alone were dropped on Vietnam, Laos, and Cambodia in a ten-year period. Just three countries, just in ten years, and just by the US.

With not all of them detonating on impact, and many just lying dormant in weapons caches, that leaves hundreds of thousands of potentially fatal bombs - UXO, or UneXploded Ordnance as it's known - almost everywhere on the planet. This particular bomb in the photo above was lying near a high school running track in Orlando, Florida. Just imagine how the villagers in South East Asia feel when they're going for a walk.

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Lois Lane

Yes, you read that correctly. Lois Lane herself was found in a really weird place, and we're not talking about Superman's Love Den Of Solitude. Which has a few too many kryptonite handcuffs for our liking, by the way. Anyway, this was the Canadian actress Margot Kidder, who had played Lois Lane in a bunch of the old Superman movies.

In 1996, Kidder was 47 years old and battling both health and financial problems. One day, someone in Glendale found her in their backyard, missing some teeth, dressed in filthy clothes, and mumbling incoherently. Police later discovered that she had been missing for three whole days before she appeared. There's an upside to the story: after being committed to a mental health institution, she made a full recovery. To this very day no one knows the specific details of this incident, however many claim it happened during a rape attempt.

The Boy Who Cried Cheetah

Anybody with a kid, or anyone who knows a kid, will know that they've got pretty active imaginations. If you think about it, anyone who can turn Peppa Pig into an entertaining five minutes has got to have some kind of warped perspective on life. So you've gotta feel sorry for the parents, who are constantly putting up with outright fabrications and wild flights of fancy.

Or you've got to feel sorry for the kid when those flights of fancy turn out to be true. When a nine-year-old boy in the UK told his mom that there was a cheetah in the backyard, she thought he was off with the pixies again. That is, until she looked in the backyard and found a cheetah, which it turned out had escaped from a local animal sanctuary. How the police managed to catch it and get it back there is anyone's guess.

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From Another World

It's a bit of a stretch to call this a common object. In fact, it's even a stretch to call this an uncommon object. It's actually more like the opposite of what we've written about here: A really weird object found in a common place. But we had to include it, because the world deserves to know about the existence of extraterrestrials.

Two Canadians sisters found this while digging in their backyard one day, as Canadians tend to do. At first they were confused by what it was, but they figured that they would find answers. They were wrong. An earth scientist told them that it was not a meteorite, and a gemologist told them it was not a gem of any known variety, or indeed a known mineral. In fact, to this day no-one has ever discovered what it is. Not of this earth, that's for sure.

Underground Racing

We don't know all that much about cars, to tell you the honest truth, but we're pretty sure that they're meant to be on roads, not deep below the ground. Which is why the uncovering of this Dino 246 GTS Ferrari in 1973 came as such a huge surprise - how on earth had it got six feet under? And why?

The story is as strange as the discovery. Investigators found that the car had been stolen a few years back, and buried by the thieves. But not one of the residents in the area at the time even noticed the digging, or the theft, so their apparent insurance scam went by without comment. They were going to destroy it, as the legend goes, but they just couldn't bear to part with the car.

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Just In Case, Part II

If a five year old boy puts fake money and a toy gun for safekeeping, "just in case", then what do fully-grown adults do? They go for more firepower, it seems. One man, for example, was surprised to discover a plastic bag with a pillowcase in it, stuffed between his garage and the fence. He was even more surprised when he looked inside the pillowcase.

Inside was a fully-loaded machine gun, along with a cellphone. Even after contacting the police, they were unable to find out exactly whose it was. And no, the owner did not step forward to claim it. Funnily enough, while you'd expect this thing to happen all the time in the States, this actually went down in Calgary, Canada. They have got a dark side, those Canucks.

Ancient Relic

Archeologists go all over the world to dig up ancient relics and remnants of past civilizations. The truth is, though, that civilization has a crazy long history, and these kinds of things can be found everywhere. We're practically covered in old things that past generations have thrown away. So why would you need to go deep into the jungle when you can go digging around your own home?

That's what amateur historian Stephen Davis thought, and he was convinced that his house held some special mysteries. According to legend, a burial stone from 2,500 BC - yes, 4,500 years old - was somewhere in the neighborhood, and Davis was sure he could find it. Guess what? It was in his own backyard, covered in ivy. He barely needed to change out of his pajamas to find it.

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A Victim Of His Own Crime

Crime is everywhere. In the United States of America alone, it's so lucrative that two cars and seven houses are stolen or broken into, every single minute. Basically, you'd be a fool not to get in on that business. At least, that is what Ronald Dennis though back in 2011, when he decided to go for the soft target of storage lockers. High value, low risk.

It would have been the perfect crime if it wasn't for those meddling kids. Oops, we mean his own stupidity. On his very first heist, Dennis was accidentally locked inside a storage unit by a security guard who noticed the door open but not Dennis stuffing his bag with valuables. The same guard heard Dennis trying to escape later, and had him promptly arrested.

Cereal Monogamist

There's a couple of things that you expect to find at the bottom of a cereal packet. Cereal, for starters, as well as those plastic knickknacks that Cap'n Crunch gives out to choke two year olds. One of the things that you probably wouldn't expect is a proper wedding ring - and one belonging to your husband, at that.

No, it wasn't an attempt by Lanette Ellis's grocery bagger to propose to her. She already has a husband, and this was definitely his ring. There's only one real way it could have got there, and that's if it slipped off while he was scrounging up the last of the Special K. Any alternative is a little bit too disturbing to actually consider. Imagine if this wasn't discovered when pouring it into a bowl of milk, someone could have choked on the ring.

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One In The Chamber

Prison can be a pretty scary place, especially for a 21-year-old girl who's a first-time offender. It's probably no surprise that she wanted to smuggle a loaded gun in there. Y'know, for protection. What did raise a few eyebrows is her method of getting it in there, which was - and we're not making this up - inside her lady parts.

Leaving aside the obvious questions as to how cavernous her cavern really is, the other question is how she thought she could get past the metal detector, even with the gun as snug and safe as it was. It didn't work out for her, either way. She was discovered and charged with introducing contraband into a penal facility, plus additional charges because the gun was stolen. Ouch in many ways.

Inhaling Your Burger

We do love our fast food, and have definitely been accused at times of loving it so much that we inhale our meals. But that's just a figure of speech, isn't it? Not so for John Manley, who tried and failed to live up to his name in a very spectacular, and very unhealthy way. It all started at Wendy's, and all ended when he turned blue and passed out in public.

At first he thought his chronic lung problems would go away, but eventually he did decide to go to the doctor. They were extremely concerned to find a tumor in his lungs, but on closer inspection it turned out to be something entirely different. In fact, it was a piece of food on the end of a broken Wendy's fork. Incredibly, they extracted it and Manley was cured.

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If You Like It, Put A Ring In It

Where's the weirdest place you've lost your cell phone? In a taxi? On a bus? In a toilet? At the pool? How about up your own butt? Because that's exactly what happened to a lawyer from Georgia, who went into surgery to have the unwanted vibrations removed. Somehow, the phone was still on, and continued to ring in the operating theater.

How it got up there is anybody's guess. The lawyer's explanation was just about the most unconvincing thing you've ever heard: apparently he was showering with the phone (sure), when he slipped on a tile (okay), fell against his dog (who was in the shower?), and fell down so hard on the thing that it became lodged up there. We've heard of lawyers stretching the truth, but come on.

An Entire Town

The march of human progress goes steadily on, and sometimes there are a few casualties. In 1936, the Texan town of Bluffton was one such casualty, when the entire municipality was flooded to make way for the man-made Lake Buchanan. But just like ghosts have a way of coming back to haunt people, so did this eerie little ghost town.

Everybody in time forgot about the old town, until 2011 when a lengthy drought started to dry up the lake. Overnight, remnants of Bluffton began to poke above the water's surface, including the cemetery and concrete foundations of many of the old buildings. Kind of like a backwoods version of the lost city of Atlantis, only without the alien technology. It's clear that we should probably stay away from this place at all costs.

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Making Personal Hygiene Fun

If there's one thing that everyone in the world looks forward to, it's time in the shower. Under a stream of hot water, locked in the bathroom, nothing can touch you. The troubles of the world just melt away. Anyone who doesn't like a shower is, in our humble opinion, a complete freak. Except for aquaphobes - you can't really help that one, can you.

You know what would make a shower better, though? Having a tasty alcoholic beverage in there with you. We know that shower beers already exist (the perfect hangover remedy), but what about for those who like their showers a little more refined? Well, this clever clogs has already worked that out: red wine in the shower. God, that's just brilliant. I remember back in college I used to bring a beer with me in the shower, however I'd have to set it on the floor when I wasn't sipping on it, and it ended up with soap and water inside of it, but I still drank it, of course.

Making Personal Hygiene Profitable

Kids, on the other hand, don't have quite enough stress in their lives to properly enjoy a shower. They don't see the point, because they're not trying to escape the world like the rest of us. In order to get them to actually rinse off the mud every now and again, parents have to resort to some very interesting tactics.

Cash bribes are one obvious choice, but how do you make that a binding agreement? Simple: just put the money inside the bar of soap. A woman on Twitter actually got the surprise of her life when she found just that - $20 in her Neutrogen bar. A happy day for her, until she realized that someone was probably trying to tell her something. We wonder what the message was, or even if the bill was real.

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Chilling Out

When you think of the phrase "sleeping with the fishes", do you ever think - like we do - about where fishes actually sleep? Oh, we're sure that David Attenborough probably explained it at some point or another, but we were no doubt not listening at all. Just nodding gently to his dulcet tones and looking at all that beautiful blue water.

But really, how do fishes sleep? And where? Do they just swim around all the time? If so, that must get pretty exhausting. The best we can do is about 100 feet before we need to crawl out of the pool and catch some rays. Anyway, we may have found the solution to this little mystery, at the otherworldly Pavilion Lake in British Columbia, Canada. There, NASA scientists discovered that fish have lawn furniture to sleep in, just like the rest of us.

Way To Break The News

There are different ways to break the news of something to someone, and this mug, pictured, is one of them. Forget about the text on the front of it, because that's just a diversionary tactic. What's important is the text at the bottom of the mug, which you'll only see once you've finished your drink. We'll give you a clue: it says something that's quite common, but it's not in a place you'd think of.

Guessed it? At the bottom of the mug it says: "You are going to be a daddy". Which, let's be honest, is just about the funniest way to break the news of your pregnancy to your partner, ever. Just imagine peering into the bottom of the cup to find that one day. It's enough to make you throw up your Froot Loops. It's also why we never finish our drinks.

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A Crucifix

God is dead, as the old philosophers used to say, but we never quite believed them until this photo surfaced. If a crucifix at the bottom of a lake doesn't say "we're not taking religion so seriously anymore", we don't know what does. Nailing the big man to a cross, and then drowning him? You must really want him out of the picture.

What's actually interesting about the cross is the backstory behind it. In 1956, a grieving family commissioned the 11-foot cross to be made with marble in Italy. Except on its way over to the States it got damaged, and the family rejected it. So what do you do with a rejected crucifix? Why, sink it to the bottom of Lake Michigan as a tourist attraction, of course. As a testament to the nobility of religion.