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Thursday, May 15, 2014

This Rage

It's been a while since I've been on my blog. I haven't done much writing either; and i thought writer's block for a month was bad. A year, though? I wrote something more of a rap than a poem, but it works either way I guess.. it's called

This Rage

It's funny how I spent all this time,
taming my anger by putting out a rhyme,
even if you took a second to read it,
doesn't mean you'd begin to understand it,
my life, my heart, and my soul,
Purification was my ultimate goal,
to kill the you that rages inside of me,
it grows, it sees,
the anger that I hold,
even buried way down you begin to unfold,
restart it, refuel, rekindle the flame,
the flame that rages in my heart, it wants to maim,
for this I have you to blame.

Grow, I have to outgrow this rage,
from the days I spent feeling so damn caged,
I bottled it up, but it comes right back to my mind,
like vomit it your mouth, you're not so kind,
you put on a show and you go full blown,
you take it as a game, it's the control you have to own,
but what person in this world doesn't have a good bone in their body,
enough to see that their daughter is somebody,
somebody special and waiting,
for life to prevail,
but you fear my betterness and so you start to derail,
going around and around in circles,
till you get what you want on this roller coaster ride,
and I find,
it's me you left behind,you say you loved me, but I don't agree,
maybe you only loved me to the best of your ability,
but it wasn't enough, I wasn't enough,
I feel like a damn dog held by its scruff,
It's rough, living like this,
living with you I will never miss.

I don't know why it still gets to me,
you favor your son, even I can see that,
In my eyes you wear the dunce cone,
The second I was born, it's like you threw me out of your love zone,
but I've grown,
accepting some of your ways,
but sometimes on these days,
I just can't get away.

It's unfair,
that you didn't even care, for anyone other than yourself and your needs,
the only consistent quality you had was your greed,
you selfish bitch, you witch, how could you try to ditch,
your own child, with every inch you went I needed another stitch,
on my heart to hold me together,
but now I've learned,
I don't need you, that bridge you burned,
you turned away from myself,
and you have no one else to blame but yourself.