Jamie looked at her, taking in the white
“Berkeley Math” T-shirt Ryan had bought for all of her friends in her major.
The shirt was cute, with the pi symbol centered on an American flag. Jamie just
hoped that Ryan didn’t keep whistling the song “American Pie” all day, or she
was afraid her classmates would strangle her. Besides the shirt, she wore neatly
pressed navy blue shorts and a gold and blue striped web belt. Her hair was
pulled back in an elastic band, adding to her ultra-casual look. The only fashion
concession she’d made for the event was to wear both of her blue diamond earrings.
“That’s what you’re wearing?”

“Yeah. I’ll be hot in the gown, so why
waste decent clothes? I’ll get ’em all sweaty.”

Jamie put on a sleeveless, summery dress
in a pale blue print, grousing to herself while she dressed. She couldn’t recall
ever being seriously disappointed in how Ryan looked, but this disappointment
was pretty acute. It didn’t make sense to her to even bother going to the ceremony
and wearing the gown, only to wear running shoes and a ponytail. When she returned
downstairs, everyone was ready and Ryan was holding the door open for her. “Hurry
up, babe.”

“I’m coming, I’m coming.”

Ryan looked at her and asked, “Where’s
your splint?”

“I’m not wearing it.” Jamie’s eyes locked
on to Ryan’s, daring her to protest.

“Fine. But you’d better have some support
on that arm. You won’t be happy if you have to have surgery.”

Jamie drew back the arm of her black
gown, showing the elastic bandage she’d been able to wrap fairly adeptly.

“Can I check it out when we get on campus?
I wanna make sure it’s tight enough.”

“It is,” Jamie said, giving her that
no-nonsense look again. If she had to bite her tongue to not criticize Ryan,
she wasn’t about to allow Ryan to criticize her.

Holding up her hands in surrender, Ryan
wisely chose to remain silent.

As they walked to the car, Jamie pointed
to the paper sack her lover carried. “What’s in the bag?”

“Nuthin’.” Ryan was wearing her angelic
expression, and Jamie didn’t press, as she knew she’d find out sooner or later
what her secretive lover was carrying.

They hit traffic almost the moment they
left the house. “How many people are in our class?” Ryan asked.

“I think I read there were maybe six
thousand?” Jamie said.

Ryan grumbled, “I think every one of
them has a car and is in front of us.”

“I bet my dad regrets not sticking with
the Secretary of State,” Jamie said. “He’d probably get airlifted in to the
ceremony.”

The area was so congested that Ryan
finally gave voice to the inevitable. “We’re gonna have to walk if we wanna
get there on time.”

“I’m wearing heels,” Jamie said.

Ryan pulled over to the curb and removed
the key from the ignition, handing it to Jordan. “If the traffic’s too terrible,
just find a spot and leave it somewhere. The police won’t be able to tow everybody.”
She opened the back door and noted Mia’s glare. “I know. You’re wearing heels,
too. So go barefoot.”

Mia cocked her head, looking at Ryan
like she was just a little insane. “My mother and my grandmothers would flip
if I went barefoot.”

“Carry your shoes. Just leave ’em off
until we get close.”

“I’ve got nice stockings on.”

“So do I,” Jamie added.

“Then wear your shoes. We don’t have
many options, girls. We haven’t moved in five minutes.”

Grudgingly, both Jamie and Mia took
off their shoes, but Jamie demanded that Ryan hand over her socks, putting the
very large socks on, then sticking her tongue out at Ryan. “My stockings cost
more than your socks.”

“Jordy, do you have socks?” Mia asked.

“No, but I’ll bring you another pair
of stockings from the house. How’s that?”

“Perfect.” Mia kissed her, then turned
her towards the car. “Get going so you can get back here fast.”

“Got it.” Jordan jumped in and took
off, actually making progress since she was moving away from campus.

The walk was moderately long, but since
they were passing so many cars, it seemed like they were moving very quickly.
“Think we’ll make it?” Jamie asked.

Ryan looked at her watch. “We won’t
be there an hour early like we were supposed to be, but nothing at Berkeley
ever starts on time. If we get there five minutes beforehand, they’ll let us
into the procession.”

Mia moved to stand between Jamie and
Ryan, and grasped both their hands. “Am I the only one who’s sad?” she asked,
looking from one to the other.

“No,” Jamie said, immediately reaching
up to wipe her eyes. “I am too. And don’t squeeze my hand too hard or I’m gonna
cry even harder. I still don’t have much flexibility.”

Ryan reached into her paper bag and
handed handkerchiefs to both women. “I knew we’d be crying all day and I didn’t
wanna bring a whole box of tissues.”

“Why aren’t you crying?” Jamie demanded.
“You always cry first.”

“Yeah, but if you cry first, I don’t
always follow. You kinda act as an overflow for me.”

“Makes sense,” Jamie said. “So, since
we were here for two years before we met you, Mia and I will start the crying,
and you can come in a little later.”

Ryan winked and blew her a kiss. “You
always come up with a good plan.”

***

They were only about ten minutes late
as they approached Kleeberger Field, the area where the graduates were to gather.
There were so many graduates, so many signs, banners, and officious people shouting
out directions, that the three of them looked at each other for a moment, unsure
of what to do. Ryan snapped out of her funk first. “Don’t move. I’ll figure
out where we’re supposed to be.”

Ryan ran back up to them a few minutes later. “Okay. Here’s
the scoop. We go over there,” she pointed to a distant spot, “and get in line.
We’re gonna start moving in just a few minutes, so we’ve gotta hustle.” They
sped off, long, black gowns flapping in the steady wind. They’d just reached
the spot where they were supposed to be when Conor ran up to them.

“I’ve been looking for you guys for
a half hour!”

“We were late,” Ryan said. “What’s up?”

“Catherine bought you these,” he said,
opening a big box and showing them three gorgeous leis made up of white and
gold orchids.

“Cool!” Mia took one and put it on Jamie.
Jamie put Ryan’s on, then she put the last one on Mia, standing back to admire
her friend.

“You look fantastic,” Jamie said, kissing
Mia and enveloping her in a long hug. “This is the last time we’ll graduate
together,” she added, starting to cry again.

“I’m taking off,” Conor said. He bent
and kissed Ryan on the head, then gave both Jamie and Mia a kiss on the cheek.
“You guys all look great.” He shot a pointed look at his sister. “Except for
those stupid running shoes.” Narrowing his gaze, he demanded of Jamie, “Where’s
your splint?”

“Don’t rile her up,” Ryan said. “Call
us and tell us where you’re sitting,” she called out as he loped away.

Jamie took Ryan’s cap and carefully set it on her head,
making sure it was perfect. She kissed her and said, “You look lovely. And I’m
going to make myself forget you’re wearing shorts and a T-shirt and running
shoes.”

“Does it bother you?” Ryan asked solicitously.

Shrugging slightly, Jamie said, “You’d
look so pretty in a dress that every once in a while I wish you didn’t hate
them. But I know you really do, so I don’t want to coerce you into wearing one.”

“I do hate them, but I like to please
you.”

“Too late now. Hey, we’re ready to move."

They got in line just as the procession
began and the huge group began to move in fits and starts.

“Reminds me of the AIDS Ride,” Ryan
said, smiling. Her smile morphed into tears in a matter of seconds. “It kills
me that Michael isn’t here,” she said, struggling to control herself. “He always
used to tell me that I’d be a Bear one day.” She shook her head, her long hair
cascading across her shoulders. “Don’t even get me started about my mother.”

“Don’t think of that,” Mia begged. “Let’s
focus on the fun we’ve had.” Her lower lip started to tremble and she barely
got out, “…that’s over now.”

“God, we’re a big mess,” Jamie said,
putting an arm around both Ryan and Mia, making sure her left arm was nice and
straight so it didn’t hurt. “We’re gonna drown ourselves by the end of the day.”

Once it got going, the procession moved
relatively quickly, and in just a few minutes they drew near to the rear of
the theater. “Lots of protestors,” Ryan said, being able to see over much of
the crowd. “I had a feeling this would be a big day for dissidents.”

“What are they pissed off about?” Mia
asked, straining to see through the crowd.

“What’s up with Iraq?” Mia asked. “Are
we mad at them? I thought it was Iran we hated.”

“We have sanctions against Iraq,” Jamie
said. “People are angry that the Iraqis aren’t getting medicine and food.”

“Well, what did they do to piss us off?”

Ryan looked at her askance. “College
grad, huh?”

Mia slapped at her. “I’m in American
Studies. A-m-e-r-i-c-a-n. Is Iraq in America?”

“Nope. Don’t think so,” Ryan agreed.

“I rest my case. So, why are we pissed?”

“Lots of reasons, but primarily, the
sanctions are supposed to force Saddam Hussein to spend money on his people,
rather than on building up his army again.”

“Oh. Right,” Mia said. “The whole Gulf
War thing.”

“Yeah,” Jamie said with an indulgent
smile. “That thing. Hussein’s still in power and we’ve had sanctions
against trading with Iraq for ten years now. Most people agree they’re not working,
and the Iraqi citizens are the ones who are suffering.”

“Got it. That’s why Albright’s a baby
killer.”

“That’s one view,” Jamie said. “I can
tell you what the administration says—”

They reached the back of the Greek Theater
and were directed to move into single file. Ryan put her arm around Jamie. “Hey…I’ve
gotta…hang back a little bit. Do you mind?”

Jamie stopped, causing the person behind
her to bump into her. “Sorry,” she said, turning to the poor woman whose cap
had flown off. Looking at Ryan, she asked, “What’s going on?”

“I’ve gotta sit…” she gestured to the
rear of the procession, “…over there.”

“Why?”

“’Cause they said I have to. Sorry,
babe. Gotta go.” She kissed her and tugged on Mia’s lei. “See ya.” Then she
took off, running quickly until she had disappeared into the crowd.

Jamie stared after her, but she started
to walk again, finally saying, “I never know what she’s gonna do next. For all
I know, she’s singing the national anthem!”

***

Just before they entered, a panting,
pink-cheeked Jordan ran up, wearing a black graduation gown and carrying a cap.

Mia started to jump into her arms, but
Jordan saw the intent in her eyes and held up her hands. “Don’t, babe. I don’t
wanna attract too much attention.”

Mia hugged her and shook her back and
forth. “How’d you get here?”

“Ryan. Who else? I don’t know how she
did it, but she saw me back there looking for you. I was trying to bring you
more stockings,” she said, holding up a pair. “She tossed me the cap and gown
and said, “Run and you can catch ’em. So I ran.”

“I’m so glad you’re with us,” Jamie
said, squeezing her tightly. “Especially since Ryan ran off.” Struck by a thought,
she gulped. “She didn’t give you her gown, did she?”

They entered the backstage area, walked
through an open curtain, and strode to the stage. Just as they hit the stage,
Jamie’s cell phone rang. She opened it and said, “Yes?”

“Conor. We’re on the left side, about
two rows up from the hunk of empty seats.”

She scanned the area and saw a group
of tall, dark-haired men standing and waving frantically. “Look up there,” Jamie
said to Mia and Jordan, pointing out the men.

Both women joined Jamie in waving and
Mia yelled, “O’Flahertys rock” at the phone.

Jamie looked carefully and could see
her mother, father, and grandfather waving in a much more proper, but no less
enthusiastic fashion. She continued to wave, blowing kisses as she finished
walking across the stage toward their seats. “Tell my family I love them,” she
said.

“Why is Jordan with you guys?” Conor
asked.

“Ask your sister.”

“Where is she?”

“I have no idea. Gotta go.” She hung
up and waved one more time before being forced to concentrate on the directions
they were being given. It took a long time for everyone to file into the seats,
but they eventually got organized. A graduate walked up to the podium and announced,
“I’m proud to introduce Chancellor Berdahl, our distinguished speakers, honored
guests and graduates.”

A long line of people entered and made
their way across the stage, and, to Jamie’s complete lack of surprise, Ryan
took a seat in the front row.

“Why’s she up there?” Jordan asked.

“Not a clue. Welcome to my life. I’m
always the last to know.”

“Are you sure she’s not the University
Medalist?” Mia asked.

“Well, we were at the awards ceremony
where they announced who it was, and it wasn’t Ryan, but they might have had
a tabulating error. Nothing is impossible.”

After the usual singing of the national
anthem, a student introduced the chancellor and he took the podium. He presented
various medals and awards, then said, “The Anna Espenschade
Prize to a graduating senior female athlete for excellence of attitude in athletic
endeavor goes to Siobhán Ryan O’Flaherty, a member of the Academic All America
basketball team, and a double major in molecular and cell biology and mathematics.”

Jamie clapped enthusiastically,
turning to Mia and saying, “I knew she got that award, I just didn’t know that
got her a seat on the dais. That’s not bad, considering what she could have
been holding out on me.”

“What’s an Academic All
America?” Mia asked.

“It should be All American,”
Jamie said. “I’ve heard of it, but I have no idea who awards it. Of course,
I didn’t know Ryan was one, but that’s par for the course.”

Jordan leaned over and
said, “It’s All America, even though it sounds funny. The sports information
directors choose teams of players for all the major sports.”

“Are you one?” Mia asked,
giving Jordan one of her adoring looks.

“I was. Junior year. Before
I met you.”

“Did you get a uniform?”

Jordan blinked. “No, honey.
We didn’t have a real team. Just an honorary one.”

“Oh.” Mia looked disappointed.
“I thought you’d get to play some other smart team.”

Giggling, Jordan shook
her head. “I love your imagination.”

“I’m gonna look into getting
you a smart girls volleyball uniform. You’d look cute.” She gazed back at the
stage. “Speaking of cute…see how nice Ryan looks? She’s got girl shoes on. She
knew she was gonna be on the dais. Even Ryan doesn’t have the guts to wear running
shoes up there.”

“Sad, but true,” Jamie
agreed. “And she has her hair down, too. And it’s brushed perfectly. The little
minx was just jerking me around.”

The chancellor introduced
the University Medalist and the four runners up, but didn’t invite the winner
to speak. Jamie looked in the program and said, “Isn’t she supposed to talk
now?”

Mia looked at the booklet
and said, “Yeah. Maybe she didn’t want to.”

“No way. There’s just no
way. They’d never give the award to someone who didn’t want to speak. You have
to apply and write a proposal and everything.”

The chancellor then introduced
Secretary Albright, but as soon as he said her name, a group of people in the
audience and a few graduates stood and started to boo and shout out things that
none of the women could understand.

“I guess it wouldn’t be
a Cal commencement without protesters,” Jamie said.

But these protesters were
very loud and very disruptive. They only got worse as the campus police waded
into the crowd and tried to remove them. It looked like the graduates were allowed
to stay if they sat down, but everyone else was taken away—forcibly. People
were kicking and screaming, and the police were struggling to carry the protesters
out while the large crowd watched in stunned silence.

“I don’t know,” Jamie said,
shaking her head. “It’s hard to say what’s fair in a situation like this. They
want to disrupt the event, and they’d probably run up on stage if they’d let
’em. I’m totally in favor of freedom of speech, but…if every person who had
a complaint stood up and screamed, we’d never get anything done around here.”

“It’s the guys who are
making it worse,” Jordan observed. “If they’d walk out under their own steam,
there wouldn’t be any problem. They’re the ones who started fighting.”

“They should be able to
protest,” Mia said. “They think she’s killing babies, Jordy. If they really
believe that, they have to stand up and say so.”

“I think they got just
what they wanted,” Jordan said. “They wanted to make a statement and get thrown
out. Now their pictures will be in the paper and people will talk more about
them than they will about you guys who are graduating.”

“You’ve gotta stand up
for what you believe in,” Mia said quietly.

“Sure you do,” Jordan said,
“but there’s a way to make your point. Messing up your graduation isn’t the
way.”

Mia folded her arms over
her stomach and stared at the stage, not saying another word. Once the protesters
had been removed, the chancellor finished introducing Secretary Albright. She
took the podium and acknowledged the protests in good-humored fashion, smiling
and saying, “It’s good to be in Berkeley!”

There were protesters still
present, but the ones remaining hadn’t stood up or raised banners. They continued
to heckle the Secretary as she gave her speech, but she kept going, never giving
them the satisfaction of stopping to respond to them. In the middle of her speech
a quiet drone sounded over the auditorium and everyone looked up to see a plane
dragging a banner that read, “1.7 million Iraqis
dead—End sanctions now.” The crowd
noted the message and a hushed murmur rose up as people commented about it.
The Secretary received a standing ovation from most of the crowd, with Mia notably
refusing to stand.

Looking a little uncomfortable,
Jordan looked at Jamie and shrugged. Secretary Albright walked along the row
of people on the stage, shaking each person’s hand. But the University Medalist,
Fadia Rafeedie, refused to look at her, shake her hand, or stand up. She sat,
alone, while everyone else applauded the Secretary.

As soon as she’d made her
way down the line, the Secretary left the stage. By the time everyone sat down
again, a large portion of the audience had left, and the section reserved for
reporters emptied out almost completely, probably as they hurried off to send
their stories to their papers.

The chancellor took the
podium again and finally introduced the University Medalist, who was greeted
with temperate, cautious applause.

With a nod of acknowledgement,
she began her remarks. “Thank you, that was way too generous, Chancellor Berdahl.
It makes me sound a lot better than I am. I had a speech and it’s right here.
It took me so long to draft it and I kept re-drafting it, and this morning I
changed it again; but I’m just going to put it to the side and I’m going to
talk from my heart, because what I witnessed here today, I have mixed feelings
about.

“I don’t know why I’m
up here articulating the viewpoints of my comrades out there who were arrested,
and not them. It’s not because I got, you know, straight A’s or maybe it is.
Maybe that’s the way the power structure works, but I’m very fortunate to be
able to give them a voice. I think that’s what I’m going to do; so if you give
me your attention, I’d really appreciate it.

“I was hoping to speak
before Secretary Albright, but that was also a reflection of the power structure,
I think, to sort of change things around and make it difficult for people who
are ready to articulate their voice in ways they don’t usually get a chance
to.

“So I’m going to improvise,
and I’m going to mention some things that she didn’t mention at all in her speech
but which most of the protesters were actually talking about. You know, I think
it’s really easy for us to feel sorry for her. I was looking at my grandmothers
who are actually in the audience—my grandmother and her sister—who weren’t really
happy with all the protesters. I think they thought that wasn’t really respectful
of them. Perhaps many of you didn’t as well because you came to hear her speak.
But I think what the protesters did was not embarrass our university. I think
they dignified it.”

As soon as she said that,
a large number of graduates got up and ostentatiously walked out, going up the
long aisles of the theater. Some looked angry, others sad or disappointed, but
the display was upsetting to almost everyone. The crowd was very quiet, as opposed
to the catcalls and shouts that had nearly drowned out Secretary Albright at
some points.

Jamie strained her eyes
to be able to make out the expression on Ryan’s face. It wasn’t easy to see
her mouth, but the set of her shoulders and the stiffness of her body made it
clear that Ryan was, at best, uncomfortable. Leaning over to Mia, Jamie said,
“I hope Ryan doesn’t get up and deck her.”

“No shit!” Mia responded,
her voice just loud enough to cause the woman in front of them to turn around
and scowl at her. Mia smiled, cheerfully extending the middle finger of her
right hand. The woman blinked, then quickly turned back around.

Jamie pinched Mia, then
nudged her with her shoulder. “Will you behave?”

“I hate to have people
supervise me. Like she never heard the word shit before.” She stuck her tongue
out at the woman’s back, then turned to Jamie. “Do you really think Ryan might
throw down with this chick?”

“No, not when you put
it that way. I’m sure that Ryan’s pissed off about having this ceremony made
into a political harangue, but she knows she’d make it worse by causing a scene.
She’d never do that.”

“I don’t care what you
apologists say. This chick has to say what’s on her mind if she really believes
the government is killing people in her name.”

The medalist continued, talking about
the government’s actions in Iraq and Colombia, and making the point that much
of the trouble in the world was due to the U.S. government’s support of dictators
whenever such an arrangement worked to its advantage.

Her speech was fairly short, and when
she finished, several people stood and applauded her. But many of the graduates
didn’t join in and even more members of the general audience were silent, glaring
at the young woman.

“That just wasn’t right,” Jamie mumbled.

“This is Berkeley,” Mia said. “If we
don’t have free speech here, where do we have it?”

“I don’t mind having people protest,”
Jamie said. “But she had the honor of speaking for the class. You can’t hijack
that for your own agenda.”

“But she believes we’re killing thousands of people. Her
people.”

Jamie’s eyes took on an intensity that
caused Mia to sit back in her seat. “Do you know how many people were killed
in Congo this year?”

“I don’t know where it is, much less
how many people were killed,” Mia said, smiling wryly. “I know it’s not in America.”

“It’s in Africa, and they think there
might have been almost two million people killed. That’s a big deal. The U.S.
could have and should have helped stop the genocide. And if we had gotten involved
in Rwanda, also in Africa,” she added for Mia’s benefit, “most experts think
the genocide in Congo wouldn’t have started.”

“Yeah, but—”

Jamie had a head of steam, and she kept
going. “How many girls had their genitals mutilated this year in Africa? That’s
at the top of my list. If I had this audience in front of me I could talk about
that for an hour! Hell, how about the embargo in Cuba? We’ve been making Cubans
live in squalor for a zillion years.” Jamie’s cheeks were flushed and she looked
like she could go on all day.

“Easy, girl,” Mia said, playfully stroking
her cheek.

“I’m just saying that there are so many
issues in the world, so many things to be passionate about. Iran imposes the
death penalty for homosexual behavior!”

“Wait a minute. Are we mad at Iraq or
Iran? I get confused.”

Jamie’s outraged expression slowly morphed
into a smile. “Both, I guess. But for different reasons. And the reasons change
with the seasons. Stay tuned. The Middle East, South America, Central America—we
prop up dictators when they do what we tell them, then overthrow them when they
get out of line.”

“That’s what this chick is saying,”
Mia reminded her.

“Right. And I agree with her. I don’t
think sanctions are helping. But if I had to speak on international affairs,
Iraq wouldn’t be where I’d start. She’s focused on it because she’s an Arab
and it’s her people who are suffering. But there are things that are more important
to me and you and every other person here. Hell, Ryan could talk for hours about
the British in Northern Ireland, but she wouldn’t do it at the convocation.”
She blew out a breath. “How did I get so damned agitated at my graduation?”

“Chill, James. Let’s put this crap out
of our heads and focus on ourselves. That’s what I’m really good at.”

“You’re good at focusing on me,” Jordan
reminded her, tickling the back of her neck.

“They’re playing ‘All Hail Blue and
Gold,’” Jamie said. “No more speeches! Let’s see if we can sing along.”

“I don’t know the words,” Mia complained.

Jamie rolled up her program and hit
Mia on the shoulder with it. “They’re printed in the program.”

Mia and Jordan turned to the proper
page and tried to catch up. They were all smiling and Mia put an arm around
Jamie and Jordan, looking at Jordan’s program to be able to sing.

All Hail Blue and Gold,
To thee we shall cling;
O’er golden fields of poppies,
Thy praises we shall sing.
All Hail Blue and Gold,
On Breezes ye sail;
Thy sight we love!
All Hail! All Hail!

By the end of the song they were all
rocking side to side, singing at full voice. One quick look at Jordan had Mia
in tears, and when Jamie saw her she started crying as well. Jordan put her
arms around Mia, managing to slip a hand out to stroke Jamie’s hair. All around
them the other graduates were celebrating—hugging, kissing, crying.

Mia dried her eyes with the sleeve of
her robe. “That is, by far, the dumbest song I’ve ever heard! Why am I crying?”

“It’s not the song, it’s the setting,”
Jamie said. “This is it—our last day as students.”

“It sure as hell isn’t!” Mia wailed.
“I’ve still got finals, and so do you.”

Jamie’s face fell. “Why in the world
do we have our graduation ceremony when we still have finals? Who’s in charge
around here?”

“Obviously no one,” Jordan said, giggling.
“I’m a semester away from graduating and I’m wearing a cap and gown.”

Mia hugged her with one arm. “I’m damned
glad you’re here. It wouldn’t mean half as much if you weren’t with us.”

“Damned straight,” Jamie said, slapping
Jordan on the back. “You should get a semester’s worth of credit for being on
the Olympic team.”

“That might work if my major was volleyball,”
Jordan said, an indulgent grin on her face. “But I haven’t learned much about
architecture in Colorado Springs.”

“Grab the chancellor on the way out
and put in a good word for me.” Jordan noticed the gleam in Mia’s eye and hastily
added, “I’m totally kidding.”

“You’re no fun. I could probably have
talked him into something.”

“Without a doubt,” Jordan agreed. “But
I don’t mind taking another semester’s worth of credits. I’ve got all of my
tough classes out of the way, so I can coast through what’s left.”

“Hey, we’re ready to rock,” Jamie said.
Their row had begun to file out and they scampered along behind, all semblance
of order ignored. They left via the top of the auditorium, and as they moved
along Jamie caught sight of someone she immediately realized she hadn’t wanted
to see. Sara Andrews was sitting just off the aisle, and even though she was
looking at the stage and was wearing sunglasses, Jamie recognized her immediately.

What in the
hell is she doing here? Did Ryan invite her? I’ll pop her one if she did—inviting
Sara and giving away one of her precious tickets—and all without telling me.
I’m sure Sara saw me. Sure of it! And where’s Ally? Is this just a little meet-up
for Ryan and Sara?

She was fuming by the time they exited
the auditorium. Friends and family were everywhere, creating such a crowd that
Jamie held on to Mia’s hand just so she wouldn’t be swallowed up into the multitude.
Jordan’s perspective was much better than Jamie’s or Mia’s and she called out,
“Hey, I see some O’Flahertys over there. Way over there.”

Jamie jumped into the air, but she couldn’t
see a thing. “Can they see you?”

“No, they’re not looking this way. But
I can get us over there.” She looked around and said, “Let’s go to the right.
Fewer people there. Then we can circle around and get to them.”

“Don’t lose sight of ’em,” Jamie warned.

“Stick with me. We’ll get there.”

They threaded their way through the
throng, slowly heading toward the far exit—where fewer people were gathered.
They’d made some progress when Jamie saw Sara leaving via that last exit. She
dropped Mia’s hand and headed straight for her—with no conscious idea of why
she was going after her or what she was going to do when she caught up. Surprising
herself, she reached out and grasped the hem of Sara’s tailored suit jacket,
pulling her nearly to a stop. Sara turned, and Jamie could see in her eyes that
she hadn’t wanted to be spotted. Her smile was plastic and tentative. “Hi. Congratulations!”

“Thanks,” Jamie said. “I didn’t know
you were going to be here. Couldn’t Ally make it?”

“Oh.” Sara looked around, as if Ally
would appear. “I didn’t…I only had one ticket.”

“I’m sorry,” Sara sobbed, fumbling in
her purse for a tissue. She found one and dabbed at her eyes. “I just couldn’t—ignore
this. It’s been on my mind so much.” She was crying hard and Jamie couldn’t
maintain her distance. She gingerly put her arms around Sara’s waist and squeezed
her gently.

Sara returned the hug with much more
feeling than Jamie had extended. Sara’s head was resting on Jamie’s shoulder
while she shook from her tears. “I’ve made so many mistakes,” she said, her
voice shaking. “And my mistakes have hurt Ryan so much.”

“Ryan’s fine,” Jamie said, her voice
taking on an edge.

“I know she is,” Sara said, pulling
back. “You’ve helped make her all right. But she wasn’t. She wasn’t for a long
time. And that’s all my fault.” She shook her head, her shining hair shifting
and draping across her shoulders. “I can’t stop thinking about how things might…”
She stopped, looking like she wanted to say more.

“You’ve got to let go, Sara.” Jamie
was staring at her hard, trying to see through the dark glasses. “Ryan has.”
She had to acknowledge that was only partially true, but she knew in her soul
that Ryan didn’t want to change the past.

“I have, for the most part. I swear
I have, Jamie. I’m happy now, happier than I’ve been in my adult life. But when
something like this comes up, I can’t stop from thinking about how different
my life, Ryan’s life, would have been if I hadn’t been so spineless.”

“You were who you were. You weren’t
ready to lose your family. It was different for Ryan. She knew she could be
who she was, Sara. That makes a very big difference.”

“If only I had stood up to my mother
when she told me that I wasn’t like Ryan—”

Jamie cut her off. “That sort of thinking
is a waste of energy. You can’t change who you were. Focusing on the old stuff
is keeping you from living your life. You’ve really gotta let go.”

Sara’s head dropped. “I know. I know
I do. And it’s not like I want to change the present.” She lifted her eyes,
peering out over the tops of her glasses. “I’m happy with Ally. I love her.
I could never hurt her, even if Ryan was available. I just want to—”

“Change something that can’t be changed.”
Jamie put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it. “It’s over, Sara. You can
be friends with her, but you’ve got to let go of the past or she’ll never be
comfortable around you.”

“She’s not comfortable now, is she?”

“No, she’s not. I’ve been mulling this
over for a while, and it’s becoming clear. I think she feels your discomfort,
or your longing, or whatever it is. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t know why she’s
uncomfortable around you—she can be surprisingly dense about some things—but
I know she is.”

“Yeah. Too much sometimes. But she feels
a lot of things that she can’t put a name to. I think this is one of them.”

“I’m gonna try to let this go. This
was the last thing we had in common—graduating from Cal. Maybe seeing her graduate
will let me put an end to this.” She reached out and took Jamie’s hand. “Don’t
tell her I was here, okay?”

Jamie took in a breath, realizing she’d
already made up her mind not to tell Ryan. “I probably won’t. It would upset
her, especially if I told her what we’ve talked about. But if I do, you know
she’ll call you.”

“I really don’t want her to know, but
if you feel like you have to be honest with her, I’ll understand.”

“We try to be honest. But sometimes…well,
sometimes it’s better not to tell the whole truth.”

“Yeah. That’s something I’m good at.
Ally doesn’t know I’m here and I’m not going to tell her. There are just some
things you’ve got to work out for yourself.”