Dave Schiff’s Zombie Apocalypse Survival Guide

It’s becoming increasingly clear that the end is near, but if you manage to make it, Dave Schiff has the ultimate chaos kit that is imperative for your survival. Better get it now, before it’s too late.

Y’all just hatin’ cuz I got me one more chromosome than the rest a y’all. It makes me sassy child. My momma says I’m special and when she found me under those power lines by the waste processing center in jersey her heart almost cracked. She said she never thought a one eyed one horned hunchback and a Jew could create such a beautiful baby. Y’all just mad you ain’t sassy like me child.