Government Defends New ‘Riddle Me This’ Coronavirus Messaging

The government has defended its change in coronavirus messaging from ‘Stay At Home’ to ‘Riddle Me This’, after critics described it as being “almost deliberately confusing”.

“At a time when the government should be providing clarity and simple instructions, they seem more concerned with asking us what runs but never walks, has a mouth but never talks, and has a bed but never sleeps,” said the shadow health secretary. “I mean… it guess it could be a greyhound, but they sleep, so I just don’t know. Even if it is a greyhound, I don’t see how this helps.”

The government meanwhile has brushed off the criticism, saying the new messaging reflects the nation moving to a new phase.

“The ’Riddle Me This’ messaging broadens the existing message by giving people the freedom to take wild stabs in the dark at the answers to their questions,” said a government minister. “In leaving it open to interpretation, we trust the public will continue to abide by the rules, but also put their own unique twist on things in what can only be a positive way.”

The public reception to the new messaging has so far been largely negative. “What travels around the world but stays in the corner? Is it me? Are we allowed to travel now?” Asks Michael, 46. “I just need to know if I can have my wedding or not, I don’t understand what’s happening.”

Unveiling their new method for measuring when to ease of the lockdown, the government has also come in for criticism of its new sliding scale.

“So at the moment we’re here on the scale,” said the government minister, pointing to the number 343. “We currently think there are 343 people going to St Ives, but it could be more, it could be less. There are a lot of wives, cats and kittens we need to factor in. Once we’re able to establish how many people are going to St Ives, we may be able to start easing some of the lockdown measures.”

Whilst the government is confident that they’re following the right approach, the public are becoming increasingly frustrated waiting for answers. “I just wish somebody would tell me what walks on four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon and three legs at night. It’s driving me crazy,” sighs Kate, 32. “And does this mean I can send my children back to school?”