Stuck on a Writing Goal? Use the Past to See the Way Forward

In the past few weeks, in the vernacular of salespeople, I’ve been girding my loins to make an “ask” about a promotional opportunity for my book.

It’s not the technical aspects of the proposal which have me daunted so much as the prospect of being greeted with scorn. Like many of us, I’d rather walk blindfolded, backwards and barefoot through a ten-mile brier patch than spend thirty seconds asking someone for their time or money.

Yet as I came here the other day to read a column by one of my WU colleagues, I was greeted with a pleasant reminder of how things can change. How what was once inconceivable or a struggle becomes acceptable, then commonplace. Even a source of pride.

Tiny Coffee, Big Quandary

Slide your eyes to the end of this post and you’ll see my visible reminder: a short piece of code enabling the reader, if so inclined, to send the article’s writer a virtual cup of coffee. (I include this example for transparency and accuracy! Please do not interpret it as a hint.)

The plugin is discreet, yes? It isn’t contained within a pop-up, or heralded by intrusive music. In terms of calls-to-action it’s one of the gentlest I’ve seen.

All the same, because I was unpublished when it arrived on WU, because I didn’t want to seem uppity, I had to work to rationalize its use.

In the end I chose to proceed because:

1. I appreciated the opportunity for my colleagues. Interestingly, I was never conflicted on whether they deserved the right to be thanked in a tangible way.

2. It was time to stop being a snob. When I read someone else’s article, I noticed my gratitude wasn’t related to their publication status but to whether they could pinpoint a writing problem, and guide me to a helpful solution. Often the writers most able to do so were the ones closest to me in publication rank, maybe because they seemed less godlike.

3. I didn’t want to cause a contagion of smallness. If I held back, others might read my reluctance as implied criticism and second-guess their own decision to use the plugin. Nobody else should be saddled with my psychological baggage.

4. Finally, it was time to signal to myself that I was serious about this writing gig. Unless my goal was to write forever without expectation of financial reward, I was only delaying the inevitable. Why not claim this small step forward in the quest for professionalism?

What happened in the humiliation department?

No doubt you can guess: nothing. Absolutely nothing. If people felt I was overreaching or a pretender, they chose to disappear without diatribe or accusation.

I suspect the majority of readers didn’t notice the plugin, seeing it as another type of visual static to ignore.

More people than I expected responded by sending me a coffee, which—I won’t lie—was thrilling, largely because it was unforeseen.

I also discovered a whole new underworld of silent readers who, I presume, are uncomfortable about leaving public comments, but are less reticent about making their thanks transactional. Honestly, it’s lovely to know they are out there, and that occasionally something I say makes enough of a difference for them to bestir themselves into action.

To bring this back to the present, and one point of today’s post, while I can’t say the insertion of said code has become habitual, it no longer consumes mental energy. Perhaps the time will come when I’ll view my current deliberations as quaint and funny.

How Does This Apply to You, Dear Unboxeders?

Does your mind churn over a goal that is reachable, but will cause you a measure of discomfort? Something that is deliciously scary, that you would do if only you could summon the courage? (I like the term stretch goal, as it implies fitness and a limber, supple mind.)

Or do you yearn for a particular type of writing career—or writing capability—and feel discouraged at the yawning gap between vision and reality?

If so, perhaps it is time to take inventory of all you have done, all you have surmounted, all that is taken for granted in the quest to get further ahead. Get conscious about your past growth as a way of moving forward.

For instance, I bet there was a time when some of the following were unfamiliar or scary. Remember when you:

• Learned how to size an image for a blog post. • Joined a writing community. • Took an online course or attended a writing seminar/conference. • Attended your first book signing or reading. • Set up your first book signing or reading. • Tricked-out your email signature to invite people to connect with you elsewhere. • Purchased your domain name. • Decided on your blog’s platform. • Pitched an agent. • Cried in your beer over editorial notes, then rallied to improve your manuscript. • Tweeted. • Decided not to tweet because it’s not your medium and you prefer Instagram/Snapchat. • Chose to abandon something. (If you ask me, one of the hardest and best skills to master is knowing how and when to quit an endeavor.) • Uploaded your first Youtube video. (Made with Dan Blank’s encouragement, here is my first and only attempt to date.)

“Oh, but those things are easy to do,” you say, to which I provide a kind and gentle, “Balderdash!”

Easy for you, perhaps, but I can pretty much guarantee they aren’t easy for others, and that they weren’t easy for your tender, juvenile, ingénue self.

You’ve simply forgotten how far you’ve come.

Now over to you: Tell me about your stretch goals, Unboxeders. Is there anything in your past to imply you will succeed? Also, Therese Walsh is asking for input on WU’s direction going forward. What could WU do to help you with these aspirations?

Wish you could buy this author a cup of joe?

A former family physician and academic, Jan O'Hara left the world of medicine behind to follow her dreams of becoming a writer. She writes love stories (Opposite of Frozen; Cold and Hottie) and contributed to Author in Progress, a Writer's Digest Book edited by Therese Walsh.

Comments

Jan, I love your boldness and I love your video!! And I so appreciate your list at the end of the post. It gave me some much-needed perspective this morning, and a boost for the next leg of my writing journey, which will involve going into uncharted (for me) lands! My goal for this year is to get so far out of my comfort zone that I can’t remember where it was in the first place. Thanks for your inspiration this morning. (Also, thank you for using the lovely word ‘bestir’).

Susan, isn’t it great when writing gives you a chance to play with evocative words?

You know, making that video didn’t feel like boldness so much as play. Sometimes I forget that stretch goals can turn into surprising sources of joy. You never know until you turn on the video camera. ;)

I’m reminded of the first time I appeared in a panel for writers, at Grub Street’s annual conference. As I approached the dais and then got up there and sat down, I was wondering how in the hell I’d gotten myself out so far over my head. I felt way out of my league, sitting with three well-published, well-accomplished authors. I was slightly calmed by our moderator, Mama T, who happens to have a remarkably calming influence. But inside I was still a quivering mess… Until I sort of got on a little roll in response to my second or third question. That’s when I saw someone nodding along in the audience. Just that small gesture, by one member of an audience reminded me of something important: I knew what I was talking about (in this instance, anyway—the topic was ‘how community helps writers’). This has happened to me before. I was the same bowl of quivering slop the first time I spoke to a group of Chicago builders. One guy asked me a question fairly early on, and I not only knew the answer, I saw that sharing what I knew would be helpful and appreciated, by most everyone in the room.

It’s a powerful thing, this sort of realization. And it’s easily forgotten. We all have special capabilities and insights, and those who are drawn to us want what we have to share. This is something I’ll have to remember (as I didn’t on that day at Grub Street) on the day I give my first public reading of my own work. Just thinking about it can nearly turn me into that same quivering bowl of slop. But if there’s one thing I know more intimately than anyone else on the planet, it’s my own work, right? (I’m not asking anyone else here, just giving myself a pep talk, so the realization doesn’t go by the wayside again. ;-)

[Oh, and I didn’t take the Tiny Coffee mention as a hint, but I do appreciate the reminder. Just as I appreciate this lesson, the most recent of many from my longtime writerly friend.] Thanks, Jan!

Good Sir V, I cut a side conversation from this post about the evolutionary reasons we humans worry about status, but the gist of it was that it’s in all our best interests to unearth gifted underdogs and put them to work. This is one of Mama T’s specialities, IMHO.

I’m facing down my first public reading and author panel in a month or two. *gulp* Thank you for reassuring me it might possibly maybe go okay.

Looking forward to the day when you’re able to see yourself with my eyes.

Vaughn, I was at that session at the Grub Street “Muse & the Marketplace” conference that year, and you didn’t look like a nervous panel newbie to me, not at all. I just remember thinking, “Wow, what a cool group of writers — I want to be part of that community,” and that was how I found out about Writer Unboxed.

And Jan, thank you for the timely reminder to reflect on and appreciate how far we’ve come individually, and how much more we’ve learned than we give ourselves credit for, no matter where we are on our writer’s journey.

Great post and brave video, Jan. I felt 10% smug, 90% glad-to-be-reminded when I read this. Yes, I had penned out some 2017 stretch goals in an email to a friend. Now I tried to remember what they were and couldn’t. I went looking for the email – deleted. So I sat down and came up with this list which I think is 60% right. 2017 Stretch Goals Submit a story to a Mystery Anthology (Done) Write another story and submit it somewhere else Get my website and blog up and running Finish editing my biblical fiction Finish writing my mystery novel Learn 10 songs by heart on my ukulele.

Jan, I liked how you hid that 2017 intention until the last moment. I stretched myself quite a bit last year, learning to use the smart phone, FB. This year I am compelled to retreat into my cave, into silence, and it’s been lovely having extra pockets of time to just be.

This is a different post for the new year; I like it a lot, Jan. One of my stretch goals this year is to dive in deeper for my blog. I feel like I’m getting a bit redundant (4 years now of short stories), so I’m searching for new ways to explore fiction in the short form for my posts. I don’t know, maybe try to pair up stories with food? Has anybody here done that? Join literature with food? Remember reading Moby Dick and the description of cod chowder and biscuits? Or Heidi and the melted cheese breads? Just thinking aloud here while my blueberry cake is baking. Blueberries … Charolotte’s Web?

I love this piece, Jan! It’s always good to remind ourselves of the things we’ve learned that seemed overwhelming and impossible at first. And also in the middle. And right up until the moment we finally figured it out. Still–important to remember that you can do hard things because you’ve done hard things before.

My stretch goals involve making the fussy decisions I’ve been putting off and finally, finally publishing my novel. There are more, but this is the big one holding me back, and I need to start moving forward instead of in circles.

Natalie, this is where it’s helpful to follow business-oriented blogs, because they’re always about making a decision and seeing if it works. (Obviously I’m not advocating for carelessness, but rather for mindful release of perfectionism.) Good luck moving forward, my friend.

Love bravery in every form and making an intention is the best way to start the writing year. I need to discover what time of the day works best for me and so far it’s later in the afternoon, which is tricky, because other stuff can get in the way. Wishing you the best. GO FOR IT, Beth

This is a really great post. My stretch goal is just to get something pulished, and to that end, I’ve been working on short pieces and submitting like mad (well, at a mad pace for me, who usually works at the pace of molasses in January). I would like help with methods for finding and targeting publications with less than elite reputations.

Becky, are you a member of the WU Facebook group? I bet if you put out a post telling people what you write and the length, then ask for publications, they’ll be able to point you in the direction of resources.

If you aren’t a Facebook member, go to the typewriter at the top of the screen, click on the F and follow the instructions in the article. It’ll take a few days for you to be approved, but it’s a warm, promo-free group.

Jan, I was charmed by you in the video; that was good fun to see and hear you, even if you weren’t at your complete ease. My stretch for this year is to get an essay into the NYT’s Modern Love column. Easy enough, right? I suppose I’ll have to write one first, but that’s just a bunch of words, after all.

Speaking of video and T’s question for WU, what about some more videos of the stalwarts here, fencing with POV, strangling adverbs, tickling fancies?

Oh man, thanks for that. I value humility. There’s so much about writing I don’t yet know. I’m published but by itself that ain’t worth a hill of beans. Readers don’t care about your status, they only care if your novel moves them. You prove yourself anew each time.

So I tend to minimize my accomplishments, and in public I believe that’s not a bad thing. But on the other hand I don’t in private pat myself on the back. Maybe I should. A little, anyway.

What are my goals? To stretch and write in ways I didn’t think I could. How can Writer Unboxed help? It already does. Like today. Thanks, Jan.

Aw, you made my day, Benjamin. For what it’s worth, in my mind, there is a distinction to be made between humility and low self-evaluation. One can still be humble, yet understand they have intrinsic worth. A person can be humble, yet share their accomplishments in public. For me, in part, the distinction is about the spirit of the sharing. But that’s another long conversation that I’m still working through myself.

Lovely timing as ever, Jan…once again I find myself wrestling with my inner perfectionist, and this reminder to simplify my intentions and focus caused me to exhale a bit and drop my shoulders.

I’m very good at having Big Intentions, so when I sat down in December to look at what I *thought* I would do last year and could see that yawning gap between wish and reality, it was pretty frustrating. Then I decided to list what I *had* done, much of which was valuable, beneath-the-surface stuff. That and venturing outside the solitude of my pen-to-paper world. Perhaps I’ve been reintegrating all of that change since the UnCon!

Anyway, I think my intention for this year is to use my energy and focus well and *finish* the current WIP. (“Finish” may not mean complete revisions, but simply getting it ready for other eyes–ALL of it, in a readable form.)

Alisha, the UnCon experience consumes a vast amount of energy and recalibration, IMHO. Especially for an introvert!

There’s a principle in time management that says most of us overestimate what we can accomplish in a day/week/year but underestimate what we could accomplish in 5 years. It’s all about that steady, slow progress. And as you’ve just proved to yourself, you are doing a lot.

Lovely post, Jan! Like many writers, I’ve found promotion to be way outside my comfort zone. It *is* good to look back and see how comfortable I am now with things that once terrified me. I remember agreeing to an interview with someone who turned out to be in Greece. “Of course, you Skype, right?” he emailed. Eek, I thought, but responded, “Of course.” Then I corralled my son into helping me set it up and practice using it. The interview ended up being tremendous fun.

For me the stretch goal for 2017 is moving from the city where I’ve lived for all but 10 years of my long life, leaving my warm and supportive writing community and the network for writing opportunities that I’ve built here. It means reevaluating what I want my writing life to be like, what to take and what to leave behind. But you’re right: I’ve done it before and can do it again.