Tag: flexibility in love

The 7 Phases of Love depicts the love relationship which exists between most mortals. It is used as a text for lovers, relationship counselors, and coaches to give you reference points which are common among love relationships, even so, there is a great deal of variation among love relationships which enter offices seeking love therapy.

The problem with most love relationships which persist over time is that growth and change are not factored into the confines of the love relationship.

At the outset of your love affair, you and your beloved agreed to a certain set of parameters which represented each of your wants, needs, and desires of your hearts. You carve these love commandments in stone and hold each other accountable.

This is all well and good if you are in love with a robot and you are also a robot, otherwise it is destined to be problematic because people do change, and in the best-case scenarios they grow, and growth necessitates change.

Flexibility

The most successful love relationships are constructed with enough flexibility to account for growth and change, for not to presents the couple with a rigidity which is more likened to a prison sentence, or contractual agreement, which is all but impossible to maintain over time, unless one or both parties are willing to sacrifice their own growth and expansion.

Those who willingly acquiesce to resign themselves to a contractual relationship, in a sense agreeing to the long-term martyrdom of self, do so out of fear, and are likely not to achieve must satisfaction in life but are willing to sacrifice for some degree of stability.

In most cases, I see it as a matter of priorities when in the process of engaging in the love relationship.

While many people have a certain set of priorities to maintain in their lives, there are two which seem to impact love relationships more than others, and they are

Love and Stability

If these priorities are mismatched it can invite a lot of complications in the love relationship due to incompatibility. Both partners can have love and stability as their top two priorities, but which one comes first can have a huge impact on how the relationship is approached.

For instance, if stability comes first, then you will not be able to fully love until your needs for safety and security (whatever that might look like because it’s different for everybody) are satisfied.

On the other hand, if love comes first, then you will not be able to willingly do whatever it takes to supply safety and security until your need for love is met first.

You can see why having these priorities mis-matched can cause a great deal of conflict within the relationship. One is not right or wrong, it just is what it is. Everyone is entitled to his or her desires of the heart.

Realistically, if you want to have any hope of longevity in your love relationship, you must allow for flexibility, renegotiation, and change.

You may not find out that your love and stability priorities were improperly aligned until long after you’ve committed yourself to your relationship. This is just one instance when discovering such a discrepancy would call for an important heart-to-heart conversation and coming up with a new plan to address the differences.

All this negotiating is necessary when you’re in a love affair of the flesh. If you are in a relationship which is founded purely on unconditional love (which is very rare, even though many of us claim we love “unconditionally”) then, you are always open to growth and change within your relationship of true love.

Does “loving unconditionally” mean that you and your partner will live happily ever after? Or, “stay together forever?”

No.

It means that you love your partner so much that you want only the best for him or her.

If the day comes when your partner might be better off without you, then you bless him or her and let them go, in love.

You love so much, that you can not only survive but thrive in their departure, though it might be difficult at first, because above all when you love someone unconditionally, you desire only the best for him or her.

Unconditional love is a tall order, and it is not for the weak-at-heart. Loving someone, “no matter what,” is far more than the mere mortal can endure.