Friday, July 19, 2013

The recent mass flooding in southern Alberta has exposed a rotting corpse of what is believed to be the legendary Sasquatch. Cryptozoologists worldwide are lining up to examine the remains, which were located by a hiker along the Bow River, northwest of Canmore, Alberta.

Eminent Paleontologist Wally Johnson has conducted a preliminary site examination of the remains, and has discovered that the carcass appears to be ancient. “I can report that from the bone structure, stature and a comparison of the mandibles and teeth, that I believe the remains are that of a Gigantopithecus.”

“We have always believed that the Sasquatch, Yeti, or even Bigfoot, if you will, was really a surviving clan of Hominids connected to the line of Gigantopithecus.” stated Cryptozoologist Coren Lowman, “The find near Canmore is extraordinary!”

With the massive rains of June which washed away ancient glaciers of the eastern slopes of the Canadian Rockies, scientists are speculating that the remains may have been frozen high in the rockies for many years.

This is the first report of a Gigantopithecus within North America. The first fossils of this creature were originally found in China.

One cryptid theory is that the creature “Sasquatch” migrated across the Bering sea bridge into North America and hides out in mountainous regions. No living Gigantopithecus has ever been found and the known fossil records indicate that the creature lived one hundred thousand years ago.

“This is the find of a lifetime,” stated Lowman, “Only a climate event such as what was witnessed in Southern Alberta this year could wash this beast's remains into the banks of the Bow River.” - Sage News

NOTE: actually, it's another rug. These satire sites are a real pain-in-the-ass..Lon

A man has been arrested after police found 56 skulls and other human skeletal remains which had been stolen from graves in a museum at his home.

Police conducted a search of the house in Austria's Burgenland province after the unidentified 47-year-old tried to sell three of the skulls and two thigh bones at a flea market.

Detectives discovered the man had created a museum in his home which contained the skulls and 55 other bones.

State broadcaster ORF said Tuesday that the bones were taken from graves of a church cemetery.

Detectives displayed some of the skulls in a cardboard box at a news conference today.

Speaking to The Guardian, a police spokesman said he had never encountered such a case in his 37 years in the force.

He said he did not know why the man had collected the bones or why he had tried to sell some of them.

'But there's nothing new under the sun,' he said.

The man has been charged by police with 'disturbing the peace of the dead' following the discovery.

Police said the bones had now been returned to the cemetery. -

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Bedbugs in the Court

Everyone would have been better off had this man not been given a ticket.

Pandemonium erupted inside Manhattan Criminal Court Tuesday after panicked spectators said they spotted bedbugs crawling up the neck of a man who was there to answer to a desk-appearance ticket.

The sickening sight sent court observers scrambling out of their seats, a witness told the Daily News.

“People started bolting,” added the witness, a 49-year-old Manhattan woman. “Even the court officers were freaked out. It was disgusting.”

Courts spokesman David Bookstaver confirmed the insect-fueled ruckus, but said “no evidence of the alleged bugs was uncovered.”

The icky incident happened about 11:30 a.m. A court officer assigned to one of the courtrooms designated for arraignments saw a commotion in the back and asked what was going on, the witness said.

A woman stood up and announced that a man sitting near her was covered with the creepy crawlies, sparking chaos in the benches.

Several observers raced out of the courtroom. The apparent offender also sprinted away from the scene, the witness said.

The court officers emptied the three final rows, and the proceedings continued, the witness said.

After about 20 minutes, an exterminator arrived and the courtroom was evacuated.

When the room was reopened, yellow police tape was cordoning off the three final rows.

“People were scratching themselves,” the witness said. “Everyone in the courtroom was uncomfortable.”

“I’m still scratching myself,” added the witness. “Just telling the story I get itchy.”

Bookstaver said the incident started after “spectators thought they saw bugs jumping from a defendant.”

“Court personnel were notified and immediately inspected the courtroom,” Bookstaver said, noting that there was no sign of the bugs.

But the court workers weren’t going to take any chances, Bookstaver said. “As a prophylactic measure, the courtroom was sprayed,” he said. - NY Daily News

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More Spirits Than He Expected

Ray Braiden took over the Seven Stars in Robertsbridge [England] on June 3 and moved in to the High Street property with wife Michelle, daughters Hannah and Emily and Emily’s partner Ben.

Days after the family moved in, strange incidents were reported in the top room, occupied by Emily and Ben. Items were moved around and a small dish sitting on a speaker was seen to be ‘skimmed’ through the air across the room. And one night the couple woke to find the mattress they had been sleeping on had been moved. Emily and Ben have since moved out of the pub.

The Seven Stars has a reputation for spooky goings-on and was previously named one of the top ten most haunted pubs in the country...

Ray contacted old friend and paranormal investigator Rob Foster...Hastings-based Rob said: “We are trying to find out what it is in a bid to coexist with it and find out whether it’s harmful. At the moment the jury is out on that. We are going to come back and do a full investigation shortly and establish exactly what is here.”

Rob believes that several spirits inhabit the 14th Century pub, with previous incumbents reporting sightings of mysterious figures in the bar and items flying off the shelves in the kitchen.

Rob said he was able to communicate with one of the spirits using electronic equipment. By asking closed questions and measuring the response, which sounds like radio static, he says the ghost gave its name and claims he was buried in Salehurst churchyard in the 1600s.

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