Friday Night Lights, Episode 13

When did Quarterback Street buy a car, and how long did he expect to live on $10,000 before he got a job?

How long did those Nobel Laureates, the Riggins Brothers, think they would get away with lifting $3,000 from Ugly Briefs Guy?

Why is Smash still hanging around with The Leech? Geez, both her parents and Smash’s Mama all hate the idea of them dating, and they got into some serious trouble sneaking off to Redneck Cinema 12 for some necking, anyway.

Is Tyra having second thoughts about chasing off Landry? The Little Pink-Haired Girl seems to have charmed Dillon’s version of Charlie Brown.

And finally, where on earth did Miss Jesus Nutcase come up with $3,000 in cold cash, to get the Riggins boys off the hook?

Answers: Recently, and apprently forever. Not long enough. Who knows? Apparently so. And, maybe from the collection plate at church.

As our pal Burt says, this was another football-light episode. But hey, we did have some bang-up volleyball action, in which Coach’s Wife from the Movie begins proving that yes indeed, she can do anything, and Tyra proves that all you need to kick some v-ball butt is motivation (Riggins’ mopey mug) and the ability to reach the cabinet over the refrigerator. Oh, if it were only that simple.

The rest of the football regular season is in jeopardy, what with Smash suspended for three games after his fracas at the Redneck Cinema 12, his scripted apology and his unscripted appearance at Applebee’s. At least we have Saracen to fall back on. Oh wait, did you see the preview? Apparently, the thought of Smash being out for three weeks drives Saracen to drink.

We hope the President and his economic team were watching this week. Sleazy Car Dealer has a way to give anyone with a hangdog look a job (Santiago, Quarterback Street). So there’s a way to solve unemployment — a Garrity Motors in every town. Think Santiago got the same hazing in the parts department that Quarterback Street got from The Blonde Salesman? We didn’t think so, either. She would have looked funny with a brake pad in her ear.

Despite her protestations, we suspect that Miss Jesus Nutcase still carries a little torch for Mopey Riggins, especially after he showed up at church reeking of beer (and beer bottle). Heaven knows, still carries a torch for her. And he’s an upgrade over Wholesome DJ, for sure.

Highlights

We kind of favored Quarterback Street’s sales pitch to Gerald Looky-Loo, selling him on that lovely hybrid Tahoe (“Your life changes in an instant, take it from me,” says the voice of experience). But there’s also the scene in Applebee’s where the Little Pink-Haired Girl is using the Sizzling Apple Pie to discuss physics with Landry, as Tyra slams water glasses onto the table. For laughs, we favored the little aside when Riggins’ Brother suggests he might use that ninth-grade education to get into day trading on the stock market.

DVR moments

No really good ones this week, but that spot for the Most Wholesome Date On The Planet (Mini-golf and ice cream? How old are Miss Jesus Nutcase and Wholesome DJ, 12?) looked a lot like Austin’s iconic Cool Crest. Nothing says love like a fiberglass lighthouse. The pushy TV crew that corners Smash in Applebee’s was using gear from Austin’s News 8, by the way.