Fuck You, Saggy Boobs.

Once upon a time there were two glorious boobies who sat proudly atop my chest, pushing their flawless faces towards the sun. Many marvelled at their bountiful size, shapely form and curious nature, all three of us revelling in the frequent compliments. We were happy. Life was good.

Sadly, over time, these two gorgeous creatures named B1 and B2 were ravaged by the years and the sweet arrival of two little Womb Raiders who SUCKED THEM DRY FOR MONTHS ON END WITH NO FRIGGING BREAK AND IT NEARLY FUCKING KILLED ME.

Up yours mum.

The littlest Raider lifted up my top yesterday, pointed to my belly button and cheered “Boobies!”. Not yet my friend…..but soon they will be down there alongside my navel.

An Ode to My Old Boobs

Oh boobs, you were once so firm and lovely

But now, things are starting to get ugly

Your sad decline, makes me mainline wine

My demeanour no longer bubbly

Oh boobs, I’m really starting to miss you

It’s been heart crushing to bid you adieu

But we’ll meet once more

When we hit the floor

Why don’t you just admit the fucking inevitable and just drop there already you floppy sacks of shit. Spare me the indignity mother fuckers! Ever since the Raiders, you’ve dangled like two tennis socks full of sand and you don’t even perk up with a cold shower. How come you had to leave me like this? The only part of me I considered to be quite perfect, now look like two fucking beagle ears flapping in the breeze. Fuck you.

OK, so that last part didn’t rhyme but I never claimed to be a poet.

THE END.

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