How to get over attraction and desire for someone other than your husband?

First off I’m not proud of this, but it’s just the way it is for me... I’ve been married to my husband 8 years, we’re both 34 and Christian Iraqi. I care so deeply for him, and he has always been the most amazing friend a person can have. But lately I’ve been asking myself if I’m really in love with him, due to... show more First off I’m not proud of this, but it’s just the way it is for me... I’ve been married to my husband 8 years, we’re both 34 and Christian Iraqi. I care so deeply for him, and he has always been the most amazing friend a person can have. But lately I’ve been asking myself if I’m really in love with him, due to something going on for a while that I try to ignore, but it’s eating me inside these days. So way before we were married I had a relationship with a guy I knew from my family’s old neighborhood in Detroit when they first came from Iraq. He was black and fit with an attitude. He’s the type I’m most attracted to, but I couldn’t stay with him after my family found out and flipped! They are strict in culture and don’t allow blacks to marry us. Me and him were on and off for almost two years, and let me tell you it was the most mind blowing, amazing, painful (temporarily) and pleasurable sex I ever had, and he was huge. I miss that. I dont get excited with my husband anymore, the attraction is gone. It’s just hard to be with him when I’m not satisfied and want something else. We barely have sex because of me, it takes a toll on him too. I still love him but I want to venture out and find my old flame, or a black man with the same features and date him. I can’t get these fantasies out of my head and I cant stop wanting to live them. I can’t go on like this! Why me? How can I live a normal happily married life with my husband? Please has anyone gone through something similar?

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Everyone has a choice. You either choose the great whore (or the rebellion) or God. Never mind your marriage, that would appear to be over. Your behavior is unChristian on about 4 different levels and unless you break free of this sexual slavery you will be lost to the fire. In 10 years time you may well start to lose your physical attractiveness and people like this would almost certainly drop you like a stone in favor of a younger and more fit option.

You still have a chance, however, but you must sincerely seek help from God to heal your mind of the obvious damage that has been done by the things you have learned. We know that the world tells people that having extra marital or premarital sex is fine and healthy. We also know that it isn't.

You either choose purity and salvation or corruption, sin and death. There is no in-between and no other options available.

Forgiveness is a free gift which comes in an instant and last forever. Consider ............ carefully.

Anonymous · 11 months ago

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I can't take a grown woman who lets her parents dictate who she marries seriously.. get real!

You suffers cos you try sexual satisfaction .. and your husband didn't give that to you .Moreover,certain problem occurs betweed you and your hasband.
If you can't devorce .. try SeXual Toys it may be benefitial.
But if there is some one in your life ..devorce is correct way.

Stop being an idiot. You shouldn't have left you bf just cos your family are racist, nor marry a man you don't love like a woman loves a man that does't do it for you sexually.

Do you want you old bf back or just a new bf you actually like (who will most likely be bllack since that seems to be your physical type)?

Divorce, stop being unfair to your husband and a masochist and your families walkover, figure out what you want and pursue that or rather whom you want.

Anonymous · 12 months ago

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Prayer is the only thing I can see helping you through this.
Cheating isn't an option and neither is divorce. You took vows. Marriage isn't a game, it's a commitment both legally, spiritually and physically. If he hasn't cheated on you or abused you then there is absolutely no reason for you to throw away what you guys have.

So you have attraction to others? As long as you don't act on it what's the problem?

You married this guy for a reason, what was that reason? You just recently started to not like having sex with him, so that means that at one time you did like it...why? Even if he looks different now, he's still the same guy you fell in love with, married and made love to. You need to focus on the attributes that use to turn you on to him in the first place.

Question: you said you're Christian Iraqis? Are you talking about being a part of the Christian faith?

First, stop telling us you love your husband, it's completely unnecessary because it's completely obvious you don't. You've fallen out of love with him, and you may still "like" him, but you don't "love" him. Once you acknowledge that to yourself, then and only then can you start moving on with your life the way you want it. There are too many people going around fooling themselves into staying in relationships, because they just can't put their finger on what is wrong in their relationship, and everything about their relationship looks good on paper to other people outside of the relationship. However, outside people don't really know what's going on inside your relationship, and they will never fully know, only you know. There's no reason for you to remain married just because that's what your community or your family expects of you. Usually, around year 7, people start realizing that their relationship is not what they expected, and that's typically when divorces start, it's called the "7-Year Itch". You're on your 8th year, so it's just about the right time for it to happen. On the 7th year, a lot of people start realizing that their first marriage was not what they truly wanted, but they got married anyway. Typically, they find that their 2nd marriage is usually the much better marriage, where people with more common goals get together. The 1st marriage was their starter practice marriage.

Anonymous · 12 months ago

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How to get over attraction and desire for someone other than your husband?

First off I’m not proud of this, but it’s just the way it is for me... I’ve been married to my husband 8 years, we’re both 34 and Christian Iraqi. I care so deeply for him, and he has always been the most amazing friend a person can have. But lately I’ve been asking myself if I’m really in love with him, due to something going on for a while that I try to ignore, but it’s eating me inside these days. So way before we were married I had a relationship with a guy I knew from my family’s old neighborhood in Detroit when they first came from Iraq. He was black and fit with an attitude. He’s the type I’m most attracted to, but I couldn’t stay with him after my family found out and flipped! They are strict in culture and don’t allow blacks to marry us. Me and him were on and off for almost two years, and let me tell you it was the most mind blowing, amazing, painful (temporarily) and pleasurable sex I ever had, and he was huge. I miss that. I dont get excited with my husband anymore, the attraction is gone. It’s just hard to be with him when I’m not satisfied and want something else. We barely have sex because of me, it takes a toll on him too. I still love him but I want to venture out and find my old flame, or a black man with the same features and date him. I can’t get these fantasies out of my head and I cant stop wanting to live them. I can’t go on like this! Why me? How can I live a normal happily married life with my husband? Please has anyone gone through something similar?