My friend 33351 commented today that I have not posted in my blog recently.

He is correct.

My mind has been inundated with so many thoughts lately, that it is really hard to organize them in my head, let alone verbalize them (er, or write them down) in a way that is coherent and intelligible.

The mid-life crisis is coming to a head. When you hit rock bottom, all you have left to do is 1. kill yourself or 2. go up. I’m too chicken-shit to kill myself. Plus I think my son’s father would be mad at me….

However I am beginning to understand what people say when they refuse to just “settle”. What a concept.

In a family ripe with Christians of the utmost morality, I, the eldest daughter, am most decidedly the Black Sheep of the family. I never thought it would be me to wear the label. Well….. did I? I always knew I was instinctively non-conforming.

I tried my best, I really did. I am just not made out to walk such a straight path. I am a sexual deviant. I am too open-minded. I don’t have anything against homosexuals; as a matter of fact, I *like* them. I like to wear miniskirts. I am not ashamed of my sexuality. I like to drink. But I don’t like to judge people. I am sincere. I believe in kindness and justice.

Still. That is not good enough to enter the Kingdom of God. Oh well. I accept that. Maybe it’s time I went ahead and got that tattoo, and seal the deal. I’m going to hell in a hand basket anyway.

Well, you have to think about you and your children’s futures. Do you *really* think your husband’s going to be around forever?

Blind answer #1: We have life insurance. Hello: Life insurance runs out. Quickly.

Blind answer #2: He won’t leave me. That’s the epitome of delusional thinking. Many men have left perfectly good wives for new/younger pussy. It happens. And anyway, what if you ever want to leave HIM? Life changes people. Your once laid-back, loving hunn-bun can eventually turn bitter, cold, and mean. Trust me, I’ve seen it happen. What then? How do you leave a decaying relationship without any means to support yourself? What if the relationship turns abusive? Don’t automatically assume that this won’t happen to you. You just never know.

In the event that you find yourself having to support a family on your own… how do you plan on doing that with no career? How do you plan to do that making minimum wage?

I’ve been on both sides of the fence. I stayed home for three years, then went back to work full-time, then back to part-time. I was a former Stay-Home Enthusiast, and here’s what I have to say: JUST SAY NO to SAHM syndrome. If you must stay home, which I can wholeheartedly understand because I spent many Monday mornings in the office bathroom crying my eyes out because I missed my son, then do it. But for Christ’s sake (and your own, and your children’s), at least continue your education. Take online courses. Read. Get a part-time job when the little ones are a little bit more self-sufficient. Hey now, did you see that word? SELF-SUFFICIENCY. If it’s important for your children to learn it, shouldn’t it be important for you to keep it?

With many apologies to the purists of the country, this man represents America as it really is. Racially and culturally diverse, he is a living representation of the very foundation of our country, yet he still faces racism and bigotry because he is not (100%) white, even though he most certainly deserves a high level of respect due to the fact that he is truly intelligent and eloquent. That’s not to say I didn’t want to see a female Clinton take office…. really.

It has nothing to do with my age, mind you. It’s not like I woke up being 30 and said “Oh my God! I’m 30! I’m old! Where did time go??” as if the number itself or the fact I’m getting older scared me.

No.

It was more like, a sudden realization, that I am really not at all happy with my current state of affairs, and that these unsatisfactory state of affairs is the result of many years of bad decisions caused by my dependency on others (and perhaps marrying too young).

What’s worse is the knowledge that as of the moment, there is not much I can do to change things. I am trying….. and waiting…. hoping someday my efforts will yield good results.

Florida is quite a mess. People are crazy, everyone’s a transplant (not that that’s really a problem, but it doesn’t account for much hometown pride), and salaries have stalled for the last 10 years while cost of living has tripled (or more? I’m no financial analyst, so I don’t know. It just seems that way).

I was supposed to fly out of Gross-tlanta yesterday at 10:30am. Unfortunately, something was wrong with our plane, and nobody knew what exactly was wrong or how to fix it, so we sat in the aircraft for … “we don’t know how long”. I have to confess that I am severely claustrophobic. So at this point I’m thinking I’m going to show up in the 6 o’clock news:

“Woman is shot dead by the Air Marshall for throwing a fit in stalled plane.” (At least that’s what my mother says would happen. . .)

Coño. Not good.

Fortunately, I had taken a sleeping pill, so after about 15 minutes of this ordeal, I became quite dettached from my surroundings, and didn’t give a rat’s bum what the airline did.

We sat in the plane for TWO HOURS before they decided they did not know how to fix the problem, and we all got ushered out of the aircraft. Mind you, the flight from Gross-tlanta to Fort Lauderdale is only an hour and change, so at this point I could’ve have been happily at home!!

To make a long story short, the entire flight was canceled, and I spent more than 12 hours at the airport.