I also did something silly the other day...I was going to weigh and of course, I always take all my clothes off, and I had a sudden, new, GENIUS idea: Take my glasses off, too! I actually thought it would make that much of a difference...? And in a way it did...I couldn't read the numbers. Lol.

I'm scared that I'll lose weight and still hate how I look. A large reason for losing weight is just to be a healthier person. But I have such horrible confidence and self esteem issues (I'm terrified of being out in public, get anxiety attacks and that "everyone is staring at me and thinking how awful I am" feeling even though I know people couldn't care less), and all my life I've been convinced that if I could just look "normal" I would get over it. But there's a nagging fear in the back of my head that when I get there I'll still find just as many things to hate myself for.

And then I feel guilty for being so vain. lol.

I also hate holding food in public. Not even just eating it, but being seen carrying a food item makes me feel anxious and like everyone is going to look at me and think "of course, the fat girl has food." Although, part of that may be when I was 8 years old (the day of my birthday actually) my friend's brother saw me eating some chips and said "I should have guessed you'd be eating."

...yeah. And the first time he ever met me he asked if I wanted him to bring me some mashed potatoes. Those things have stuck with me.

__________________"The pieces won't pick up themselves, you know..."--Olivia-- Falling down isn't the failure, staying down is.

I also hate holding food in public. Not even just eating it, but being seen carrying a food item makes me feel anxious and like everyone is going to look at me and think "of course, the fat girl has food." Although, part of that may be when I was 8 years old (the day of my birthday actually) my friend's brother saw me eating some chips and said "I should have guessed you'd be eating."

...yeah. And the first time he ever met me he asked if I wanted him to bring me some mashed potatoes. Those things have stuck with me.

I get that way too... I know how it is. Although, I was the 8 year old that would have punched that little boy in the face. How dare he say that to you! Was he taught NO manners what so ever? Lord help me, when I get around people like that, I snap. It's a problem that has helped me, though.

I'm sorry he made you feel that way. I hope that if your brother is still friends with him he doesnt behave that way any longer.

I try, and often fail, to discreetly stare at other people when I go to the gym. I just want to know what they’re doing and how they’re doing it, to see if they’re doing anything I can use. (Although I have to admit, it’s tough to keep my mouth shut and not tell them when they’re clearly doing something wrong. If it’s not going to injure them, is it really my business?)

I don’t like eating three meals a day or even mini-meals. I prefer to eat a 400-500 calorie breakfast of filling and nutritious foods, a light snack around lunchtime, and an average dinner. Sometimes it’s just not possible, but it’s really how I prefer to eat.

I get jealous that other women find my boyfriend attractive. It’s not that I’m possessive or think he would cheat on me; it’s just that I want other men to find me attractive. I’ve never had that experience and I’d like it to happen just once that another man is sincerely, un-creepily attracted to me.

I’m a hair’s breadth from onederland and not excited. I know it’s weird not to be, especially since 198-199 is the lowest weight I’ve been at in recent years. But the last couple weeks I’ve just been stuck in this “Great. But I’m still fat.” mentality and haven’t been able to shake it.

I obsess about NOT eating this or that so much that ALL day I think about food. So, when I leave work (after spending all day thinking about not eating food) I am STARVING!! I need to not think about it as much. I shouldn't obsess about my calories. I should just be more aware, but I can't seem to do that!

I find myself doing both those things - wanting other guys besides my awesome husband to think I'm cute and obsessing over the calories. I've never been "thin" so I never had guys falling all over me. I was the funny girl with boobs that some guys hit on, but it was always the weird ones. I don't know where I found my husband, but I'm sure it was a miracle! And I find myself thinking about 'okay, if I have only 350 calories at lunch, I can have a more normal dinner..' and I never go over my 1500. But I dont want to obsess over it, I want it to someday come naturally! SIGH. As if.

I also did something silly the other day...I was going to weigh and of course, I always take all my clothes off, and I had a sudden, new, GENIUS idea: Take my glasses off, too! I actually thought it would make that much of a difference...? And in a way it did...I couldn't read the numbers. Lol.

I'm a dork.

Ahahah! I read back and saw this, I've been doing this lately! Everything looks real great on the scale when it's all blurry. I think "wow, I bet it's a really low number!" Then I put my glasses back on and get back down to reality.

Every once in a while, I consider going on VLC diets. The lower, the better. I don't necessarily believe in "starvation mode," so I don't think VLC diets would result in no weight loss. They could result in me getting angry and throwing in the towel and going back to my old ways, for sure. You never know until you try though. Another confession: When I get close to seriously considering VLC diets, I have been known to browse "Thinspiration" boards and webpages to remind myself where I don't want to end up.

Some days I--and I'm sure I'm not alone here--wish you could just snap your fingers and the weight would be gone. I'm dying to know what I look like under all this fat...

I find myself doing both those things - wanting other guys besides my awesome husband to think I'm cute and obsessing over the calories. I've never been "thin" so I never had guys falling all over me. I was the funny girl with boobs that some guys hit on, but it was always the weird ones.

OMG, yes! I am SO TIRED of being the funny fat girl! GAH!

I've done a lot of awesome things in my life and I *hate* it that my physical appearance makes people take me less seriously. I like to pretend that I'm losing weight because I want to be healthy, but really, I'm just tired of people feeling sorry for me. It's exhausting. :-P

Although I want to be skinny, sometimes I feel sorry for skinny people who only have a salad. I'm like, "What? How are they enjoying this potluck/dinner/party/whatever?" And then I realize, OH WAIT, that's why they are skinny and I AM NOT.

I also did something silly the other day...I was going to weigh and of course, I always take all my clothes off, and I had a sudden, new, GENIUS idea: Take my glasses off, too! I actually thought it would make that much of a difference...? And in a way it did...I couldn't read the numbers. Lol.

I'm a dork.

haha this made me laugh!

I secretly love being in the teens but I would never tell anyone I weigh under 120.