Time to cut off MOO - bracing for BSC

Hey all. So the backstory is pretty long and full of noms. I won't share too much here or your llamas will get fat.

We have a LC relationship with my FOO after their last stay here when they decided they didn't like the way we serve pizza. They threw tantrums over it in front of guests and twice more by phone. I shut them down each time but the way we serve pizza was apparently this much of a big deal. Generally they are extremely petty, manipulative and unable to communicate their problems. I have one older brother who is an absolute mess of emotional incest with MOO. He lives with them has never moved out or had a job. Dad is her enabler out of some kind of penance for what a shit partner/dad he was. I realized with help from the board that he's just as awful as her and I excuse his behaviour so I try to be aware but most of the bullshit comes from MOO. They see my children as happy pills and the only thing in the world worth living for.

We made one last effort to have a relationship with them and they came for a short visit with boundaries in place. We all know this never ends well lol. For the most part the visit went okay but it's obvious that MOO has been pitching a shit fit behind the scenes so it was a bit strained.

It all went to shit when MOO picked up a colouring competition from Subway two towns over from us. She told me (not asked) the kids could colour it in and I could return it to Subway. I said no and told her I was not interested in making mental space to remember to drive a colouring competition 30 minutes out of my way to maybe win $20 at Subway. She CBF. I said they can colour it in for fun but not right now because I was in the middle of cooking dinner and didn't want to deal with it. My kids only get the colouring stuff when I can do it with them or it ends up all over the place and walls drawn on. I didn't say no never, but I clearly said not right now. The colouring stuff is packed away far out of reach of my little graffiti artist anyway and I was quite obviously busy.

Then later at dinner MOO starts on me about how she took ODS age 4 into his bedroom while I was cooking and got him to colour it in with chalk from their blackboard. ODS doesn't really like colouring so this was not about him. I started seeing red because she had blatantly disregarded what I said but I knew I had to poker face, she enjoys the reaction. She then describes how ODS asked for help to write his name and age and his parent's name. I can barely write this sentence without going into a rage but she describes to me how she told him how to spell/write "her name" on it as his parent. The way she said it so casually, like it was a fact. I tried to keep my cool because I knew how this would play out if I pushed it right then. In front of my kids. She would just deny and play victim. The next day I ask them to leave early. I found the colouring competition and yup, MOO has written her own name as his parent. It's not even ODS who wrote it - she wrote her own name in there. In chalk like a fuckin desperado. So I prompt ODS - and he tells me that MOO is his parent. This is even more of a slap in the face because ODS has a speech delay. So that pile of dog shit snuck away with my kid to colour in the colouring page against my wishes and tried to teach him that she is his parent. She is clearly unhinged, there is nothing that will mend this bridge.

It has been over a month since this happened. We live 7 hours away from them and used to see them maybe once or twice a year. Avoiding them is easy. But their attempts at contact are escalating. It's becoming obvious to them and others that the info train has ground to a halt. She needs to keep up appearances. She neeeeds my kids. I don't make any effort to contact them and I barely post on the debil. She has occasionally run into my BFF and made her feel extremely uncomfortable with weird guilt trippy comments. Pretty sure my BFF was expected to reprimand me "go call your mother". Now MOO is pulling the "health scare" card which I will add as llama noms.

I'm sick of biting the bullet and MOO trying to put people in the middle and I simply don't want a relationship with these crazy people. My Gma and Aunt have not been FM yet but I can't say they won't. Unfortunately MOO won't just get the hint eventually and leave us alone so I will have to say something and there isn't really a way that avoids a blow up. I'm 7 hours away which makes avoiding them a bit easier but I have seen many of my FOO's friendships end and they are always awful breakups. So I have accepted that regardless of how I deliver this message they're going to flip their shit. I just need to make it clear that our entire family is off the table. I also need to give just the right amount of reasoning without letting them have examples to fixate on. I'm pretty sure neither BOO or Dad know about the colouring competition and she will default to pretending to have no idea what she has done.

I guess I'm just looking for support because the shit storm is coming... Best thing I ever did was move away from these people.

Comments (34)

So the health scare.... MOO is always sick with something. It has been this way all my life and I've personally come to believe that her illnesses are either bouts of depression, attention seeking or drug comedowns (they lost our childhood home because of their meth debts, gambling, general poor choices and behaviour). She will go to the doctor and demand every test then completely ignore advice or refute it and continue to live her lifestyle. She used to convince me and BOO we were sick and take us to doctors and hospitals all the time. She wasn't after pills but I think for attention? She would also try to convince me my kids are sick or have disorders.

She was close to my Grandfather (her dad) who I refer to as Saint Grandad. I was young when he died but he was a decent man. He died of brain cancer. She made his cancer and treatment all about her and has obsessed about his death for the last 14 years, I don't mean to sound insensitive but the way she acts you would think he passed away last month. Once he died MOO immortalized him. This man never done wrong in his life apparently. None of his other children or my Gma carry on this way. According to MOO all the problems in her life started when he got sick and died.

Recently she has started having these migraines. My Dad and BOO run around like headless chickens trying to appease her. She harasses me to acknowledge her illnesses and tries to call me to give details. I am not interested at all and tell her this repeatedly. I don't really believe she's sick and I also don't see how me delivering the sympathy she desires will help in any way. This usually ends with FM telling me I am being mean and need to care more.

They were out of town when the latest migraine happened about four weeks ago and went to the hospital there. This town is slightly closer to us, about a 3 hour drive rather than 7 lol. Dad phoned me repeatedly, I BH. I'm pretty certain she was hoping for me to pack up my kids and drive there to wail at her bedside. Ya know, because her migraine needs an audience of children.

Since they aren't from that town they treated her at the time and told her to see her doctor to be referred for a MRI. She had been trying to phone me since it happened to go on about it. I took the call a week or so later and she wanted me to listen to exaggerations and half-truths that make it sound soooo serious even if it makes no sense.

Now she's got this MRI booked in and has basically self-diagnosed herself with brain cancer. She reckons all the symptoms of these migraines are exactly the same as St Grandads cancer. She has not been diagnosed with anything at this point and the MRI hasn't happened to my knowledge. Extended fam are skeptical but they're erring on the side of caution until this MRI comes through. They don't want to say anything and then find out if she does actually have cancer.

Personally I feel sick from the way she is talking about it. It really shows how unhinged she is.... you would think she had won the lottery. It's the best guilt card she ever had. Seems she thinks we'll drop everything and she will get to die the exact same way as St Grandad and fulfill her martydom with her grandchildren weeping at her bedside and then we'll immortalize her too.

This makes the CO a bit complicated because what kind of evil SOB cuts off their own mother when they might have cancer.

The health scare *possible triggers*
So the health scare.... MOO is always ...

Posted
09/03/2018

The health scare *possible triggers*

So the health scare.... MOO is always sick with something. It has been this way all my life and I've personally come to believe that her illnesses are either bouts of depression, attention seeking or drug comedowns (they lost our childhood home because of their meth debts, gambling, general poor choices and behaviour). She will go to the doctor and demand every test then completely ignore advice or refute it and continue to live her lifestyle. She used to convince me and BOO we were sick and take us to doctors and hospitals all the time. She wasn't after pills but I think for attention? She would also try to convince me my kids are sick or have disorders.

She was close to my Grandfather (her dad) who I refer to as Saint Grandad. I was young when he died but he was a decent man. He died of brain cancer. She made his cancer and treatment all about her and has obsessed about his death for the last 14 years, I don't mean to sound insensitive but the way she acts you would think he passed away last month. Once he died MOO immortalized him. This man never done wrong in his life apparently. None of his other children or my Gma carry on this way. According to MOO all the problems in her life started when he got sick and died.

Recently she has started having these migraines. My Dad and BOO run around like headless chickens trying to appease her. She harasses me to acknowledge her illnesses and tries to call me to give details. I am not interested at all and tell her this repeatedly. I don't really believe she's sick and I also don't see how me delivering the sympathy she desires will help in any way. This usually ends with FM telling me I am being mean and need to care more.

They were out of town when the latest migraine happened about four weeks ago and went to the hospital there. This town is slightly closer to us, about a 3 hour drive rather than 7 lol. Dad phoned me repeatedly, I BH. I'm pretty certain she was hoping for me to pack up my kids and drive there to wail at her bedside. Ya know, because her migraine needs an audience of children.

Since they aren't from that town they treated her at the time and told her to see her doctor to be referred for a MRI. She had been trying to phone me since it happened to go on about it. I took the call a week or so later and she wanted me to listen to exaggerations and half-truths that make it sound soooo serious even if it makes no sense.

Now she's got this MRI booked in and has basically self-diagnosed herself with brain cancer. She reckons all the symptoms of these migraines are exactly the same as St Grandads cancer. She has not been diagnosed with anything at this point and the MRI hasn't happened to my knowledge. Extended fam are skeptical but they're erring on the side of caution until this MRI comes through. They don't want to say anything and then find out if she does actually have cancer.

Personally I feel sick from the way she is talking about it. It really shows how unhinged she is.... you would think she had won the lottery. It's the best guilt card she ever had. Seems she thinks we'll drop everything and she will get to die the exact same way as St Grandad and fulfill her martydom with her grandchildren weeping at her bedside and then we'll immortalize her too.

This makes the CO a bit complicated because what kind of evil SOB cuts off their own mother when they might have cancer.

An emotionally healthy evil SOB who refuses to be manipulated. That kind.

You could try the slow fade/gosh I'm just so busy, can't take your calls until after the MRI so you feel better about taking what you NEED.

Once the MRI shows no brain cancer, you can move to a "fast fade" or just plain CO.

eta: an indefinite time-out can be as healing as a full cut off without the emotional baggage of "having cut off my MOTHER!".

Every now and then, ask yourself if you WANT to talk to or see her. If the answer is an enthusiastic YES, then go for it.

If not, then tell yourself, "maybe next week/month/year."

If "yes" never comes, then it was effectively a cutoff with less emotional baggage for you.

I think she sensed a disturbance in the force. A parcel arrived today addressed "Dear Dishsoap" from "Mum (Nana)".

The parcel had a bunch of magazines from the 80's that belonged to my aunty. They're all tatty and written in. I've asked her not to give these to me. She insists ODD will just loooooooooove reading them. ODD reads instruction manuals and laundry boxes, she will read anything. But there's a library in town for a reason lol.

It also had my childhood flower press and a bunch of dollar store junk which I've also told her not to send us because it's low quality shit.

This letter was in it. I have thrown it all out.

She's so dramatic it's like she thinks she's in a movie or writing a fucking memoir. You can see the sense of entitlement throughout the letter as she refers to my kids as hers. The part about ODD coming third in athletics is a stab at how they had to get this information from her schools FB page rather than from me. Obviously I'm meant to report every little thing my kids do back to her.

Edited to add: funny it was addressed to me but there sure as shit wasn't anything for me in it. She thinks she can cut me out and still have access to my kids.

The latest update is that we're not even sure this MRI exists. MOO reckons that she's waiting for an appointment but my BFF had to have an MRI recently and was seen within a week. MOO has supposedly been waiting since the first week of August. BFF rang our district healthboard and found out that there is pretty much no waiting list as they've outsourced MRI's to private hospitals. She just has to ring up and book it.

So either she's lying about the whole thing and my gullible Dad and BOO will believe anything she says or she's not taking it seriously enough to follow it up and book it. Surely any normal person who thought they had brain cancer would be banging down their doctors door to get their appointment though? I wouldn't put it past her to lie. She has done some shady shit in the past. I don't really feel like playing Nancy Drew and trying to expose her or anything but it sure shows that she's a crazy person.

Wow. You do realize that they are terrible fucking people right? Like absolut...

Posted
09/04/2018

Wow. You do realize that they are terrible fucking people right? Like absolutely awful. They shouldn’t be in your life, let alone your children’s lives.

This was my life for a long time and I accepted it as normal. We've been away from them for two years now and the distance has helped me see them for who they are but still like most people when they're starting out on these boards, I wanted to believe in faaamily. It's also easy to paint them as the baddest parents alive when giving such a small glimpse of it. There were good parts too which was what I held on to for hope. That hope is gone now. They made four visits to see us in the two years we've been here and each time my tolerance shriveled up. Now it's just crawled into a hole and died.

They have had no contact with my kids since the Colouring Competition and very limited surface contact with me. A complete CO is complicated because my Gma lives with my Aunty right next door to them and she's very unwell. We almost lost her before Christmas. My MOO is too petty to leave her out of it so out of respect for Gma and to protect my family from BSC I've just gone with a slow fade/TO. I ignore most of their attempts at contact and they don't get info about my kids. It's enough to stop them from blowing up but the longer they are denied their precious graaaandbabies the more they will escalate.

For now behind the scenes I am doing stuff to protect my family. I know there are no avenues she won't try to get at my kids. ODD is the one I am most scared for. She is the GC. It's unfortunately going to be a bit more complicated than simply telling them to fuck off but I'm awake... and I'm working on it.

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