Relationships, Not Information

Truth is important. It is the foundation of our faith and is absolutely imperative for us to help children and students grow in their relationship with Christ. Reality is, the easiest way to teach truth is through the dissemination of information. It’s efficient… it’s clean… it’s what’s always been done. However, it’s often ineffective. Why? Because while children and students hear that information and may acknowledge its importance, they don’t really know what to do with it so it gets discarded – or at least filed away for another day. But what if there was a way to help kids take the information that is so crucial to their faith and integrate it into their lives so it’s something they live rather than just something they know?

Everyone has heard the adage, “you have to earn the right to be heard.”. As a visual person, the first time this really made sense to me was when someone actually drew a picture (or more aptly defined, a diagram) for me:

I loved it from the first time I saw it… it became so clear (and you thought you would never use your graph skills in the real world!)

For those of you who are not visual learners, this diagram basically says:

No relationship and no truth allows kids to remain static.
High relationship and no truth only validates their current lifestyle.
High truth with no relationship makes them retreat from you and what you are teaching.
High relationship and high truth leads to a transformation of faith.

I’ve been leading small groups for a long time now… longer than I will readily admit (mainly because it will reveal my age), and here is what I have learned. Take time to get to know your kids… spend time with them on their turf… learn what they enjoy doing when nothing else is pressing on them. If you take the time to cultivate a relationship, the opportunities to share truth (information) will come, and will be more readily received. Get a little of that relational change in your pocket and see what happens.

So what are some great ways you have found to build relationships with the few you lead? How do you connect relationally in and outside of group?

3 Comments

just me
on May 2, 2012 at 5:47 pm

If you know of something a student (that you have a relationship with) is doing and is lying to their parents about it, which would be the best way to handle the situation?
1. talk to the student and tell them why it is important to tell their parents, but if student refuses, then continue during the same day to get another youth pastor involved (that also has a relationship the student) to lead the student to see how and why it is important to confess.
OR
2. tell the student that they need to tell their parents now or you will.

Hey Just Me – that’s a great question… and one that is probably something all of us can relate to!. I believe the first best step is to talk with the student and explain why it’s important to talk with their parents and to “come clean” about the situation. If there is a relationship with the parents, you could offer to go with them if you feel it would help initiate the conversation.

Sometimes it can take a student a day or so to process the logic behind your pushing them to tell the truth, so if it’s not an immediate danger, give them a little time to work it out on their own after your initial conversation. I would hesitate to get more adults involved too quickly, it might make the student feel a little “ganged up” on and they may shut down in the future. However, if they continue to push back or refuse to do the right thing, that is definitely another possible recourse. Ultimately, if the situation is something that is putting the student in danger – you may have to explain to them your situation and that you need to go around them to their parents. But make sure to be up front with them so they know you are working in their best interest and not just betraying a trust on a whim.