Archive for November, 2012

When you’re in a new relationship, there is going to be some fluster and fumble happening along the way as you discover and explore what the other likes. Yes, I’m talking about sex. Not just sex, but kissing, groping, etc. etc. etc. (etc.). Everyone has their preferences – the moves and techniques that turn them on – but none of us are mind-readers.

So rather than rule a prospect out because you don’t like their technique, take action. That is, take the initiative to ask him or her what they like… slow or fast, gentle or rough… and the hope is that your partner will ask you the same question in return. If he or she doesn’t get the hint, take the opportunity to offer your preferences. Just because you had a skill that worked magic on one partner doesn’t mean it will do the same for the next.

And if that doesn’t do the trick, then simply tell your partner to try it the way you like it. Be very obvious in your physical (and verbal) response that you are enjoying yourself. If your partner resorts to their old tricks, then tell them that you really liked it when they did it the other way, therefore making it their idea. And keep repeating this tactic until your partner begins to do it (what IT may be) the way you prefer it without prompting.

I’m scared of everything. I’m scared I will fail. I’m scared I won’t wake up on time tomorrow. I’m scared that even though I got an oil change last week, the mechanic only pretended to change my oil because I told him I didn’t want the extra $50 thing that he explained I “needed.” but didn’t get because it wasn’t oil.

Fear is what drives people to do great things. It is also what leads people to self-destruct. It has caused me to do both. You can’t live with constant fear (unless you’re that woman who was trapped in that dungeon in the Netherlands… or somebody is chasing you with a buzz saw). If you live in the suburbs, which many of you reading this probably do, there is really nothing to be afraid of, short of death or serious illness of yourself or a loved one. Of course, that is a lot easier said than done. If you lose your job, you will recover. If your car gets stolen, you will recover. If your NFL team loses, there’s always beer. Relationships are somewhat different. I think losing a significant other can really affect your life in the long term.

This is why, outside of maintaining the health of yourself and your loved ones, you should focus a great deal of energy and concern on y0ur partner. If you don’t have one, she/he will come. Okay, I realize this is a completely different topic now… However, I’ve been pretty consistently single for most of my life. For the past ten years, my life has been completely out of control, and everyone always told me that ‘she will come’ very much in the style of Field of Dreams. She did not come until I got my s*** together. You don’t have to actively seek someone out. You just have to get your s*** together.

I realized very recently you don’t increase your odds of meeting someone great by going out on as many dates as possible. You do so by going on a few dates, but putting your all into each one. Don’t make it seem that you go out on one a week, even if you don’t. Get in a mindset where this thing is the only thing you’ve been thinking about for like a week. My dad always told me to get the girl a gift on the first. I never really did that, as it can seem a little much, but the sentiment is certainly there. If you are not sure whether or not you should wear a tie, then you should definitely wear a tie. Let this fear somewhat guide you. If you’re not a little scared, then it’s not going to work out well. If you half-a** it, she will know. And if that happens,you will go home alone — as I almost always did.

Jane Fonda called for more public attention to the sexual violence which occurred during the Holocaust when she gave a keynote presentation at a two-day symposium in Los Angeles.

The Oscar-winning actress, most recently starring in HBO’s Newsroom, addressed the conference, reading an excerpt from Nava Semel’s work, And the Rat Laughed, which deals with the tragedy of rape in concentration camps.

“I feel so glad that we hear about the Holocaust through firsthand accounts,” Fonda said while speaking at the Ray Kurtzman Theater. “Seventeen-hundred of those testimonies are of sexual violence — from those brave enough to talk about their experiences.” The event, which was invitation only, was attended by historians, Holocaust experts and scholars, in an attempt to shed light on this oft-overlooked topic.

Ben Stiller was honored for his contribution to the film industry at the 26th American Cinematheque Awards last week. The award is said to honor “an extraordinary artist in the entertainment industry who is fully engaged in his or her work and is committed to making a significant contribution to the art of the motion pictures.”

The Meet the Fockers star isn’t the first Jewish celebrity to be given the honor. Other Jewish A-Listers who have been given the honor include Steven Spielberg and Rob Reiner. Stiller tells E! Online, “It’s really nice to be asked to be honored like this. It’s kind of bizarre. I feel grateful but also unworthy of the whole thing.”

Actress Sarah Michelle Gellar is revealing her new baby boy’s name this week… and it’s got quite a punch!

The Jewish actress welcomed a baby boy with her husband, actor Freddie Prinze Jr., at the end of September and the two have managed to keep the name secret until now. However, it was revealed this week that the little one’s name is Rocky James.

The couple already has a 3-year-old daughter named Charlotte Grace. Gellar, 35, and Prinze, 36, were married in September 2002.

Everyone has their quirks. EVERYONE. You are not perfect and neither is anyone else. Still, a good match is what happens when ALL of the following occurs:

1. Some of the quirks disappear because they’re not quirky to you

2. The quirks you do see are endearing

3. The rest of the quirks don’t bother you — or you are willing to ignore them — because everything else is great

What are quirks? These are things like popping your gum, picking your nails/teeth/skin, tapping your foot, leaving your socks in the middle of the floor, chewing your hair, chewing loudly, laughing obnoxiously, cracking your knuckles and so forth. None of these things are annoying unless you don’t like the person doing them.

A leading body language expert recently said that a woman should sit next to a man — rather than across from him — if she wants him to open up. The expert went on to say a man feels less intimidated and more intimate when the woman is sitting next to him. That would be okay once you’re in a serious relationship and can sit together on the couch, but how does that work when you’re just dating? Are you going to sit next to him in a restaurant and the both of you can either look at a wall, or at the crowd, or strain your necks craning to look towards each other? It doesn’t really make sense. I guess you could always make a list of restaurants which you know have booths and then request to sit there…

Body language is very important, but don’t try to force something because an expert tells you to. Leave the tip above for when you are in a serious relationship and keep to the tried and true body language tips for dating:

Tamar had an interesting post last week, called “Want to Attract a Rich Man?” Obviously, when every girl is growing up, they dream of having the lavish wedding, with Disney Princesses, and a pizza buffet (wait, maybe that’s just me), complete with a Prince Charming of a husband who might bear slight semblance to Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

So, say it’s a Tuesday night, and you’re out to dinner with a great guy. This guy wants to share has hopes and dreams with you, opens the door for you, wears freshly pressed clothes, and even remembered which Real Housewives city you enjoyed most. But then, as you end the date… he drops the bomb: “I’m unemployed.”

How do you deal with that?

In surveying a few of my friends, most do not want to date the unemployed. Around 75 percent say the stigma involved with being unemployed is just too much.

However, one of my friends differs. She says, “It depends. Why is he unemployed? Is he actively seeking employment? Does he have a business plan? Did he go to college?”

She continues though, “There’s always the potential that this person could move away. Do you want to uproot your life, especially in the event that this person becomes unemployed… again?”

Here’s a different take on it: Does it matter your age unemployment-wise? Is the stigma worse for a 40 or 50 year-old than it is for a 20-something? When is the appropriate time to talk about someone’s employment status?

The city I live in, Austin, Texas, is known as a startup-friendly city. Naturally, a wide variety of people with great ideas, but not necessarily funding, roam the city searching for a way to grow their business. Do they have success with dating? Some do. Is it capable of lasting long-term? That’s the question many entrepreneurs face, and the question many women ask themselves when going out with them. These guys aren’t unemployed, but they don’t have cash coming in… for now.

This begets the million dollar question… is dating an unemployed man… a bad thing?

Have you ever tried to stop and think during the day just to collect your thoughts? I found myself staring at a wall clock today, thinking how slowly that minute hand was moving. The next thing I knew, it was two hours later and the lights were off.

The phrase ‘there’s not enough hours in the day’ is, in my opinion, stupid. I mean, poeople created the parameters of the hour, right? So they can change the definition of ‘hour’ to mean that hour can be however long or short they want it to be. For instance, they could make that hour fifteen minutes long; then the average person would be able to get around 28 hours of sleep a night! Do you have any idea how refreshed and productive our society would be after 28 hours of sleep every night? I would be so happy.

However, the hell spawns that decided to make an hour 60 minutes long have really limited the abilities of humanity. No matter what you do during the day, you are restricted to 24 hours — 7 of which are spent sleeping, .75 in the restroom, 1 in the car, 1 watching television, .25 walking somewhere, 2 surfing the internet, 1 reading, 2 eating, 1.5 talking on the phone, 2 texting, 3 worrying, and the final 3 are spent thinking about things you’d rather be doing. This leaves you with only a half hour of time to actually do anything that at all matters (or maybe that’s just me).

A highlight reel of my day would be about three seconds long and would include a clip of me laughing, eating, and then sleeping. That is, during the work week. During the weekend, it would be much longer and show me sleeping for half of the day and then hopefully seeing my lady friend during the second half. This highlight would happen in real time. There’s nothing on the weekend I would want to skip over. Except for the shaving. I hate shaving. So much.

So there I was in a higher end shoe store when a girl walked up with her boyfriend and a dress. She was trying to find a shoe to match her dress. Every shoe she picked up was higher than the last. The trendy platform stilettos that strippers have made popular add more than a couple inches to a woman’s height.

But here is the problem: this woman’s boyfriend was only a few inches taller than her as it was. With each shoe she tried on, she slowly reached eye level and then beyond. Suddenly she was taller than him! On one hand, she looked hot! Her legs were elongated, she was carrying herself straighter and you could see she felt great! And her boyfriend was definitely turned on by how hot she looked until he stood next to her in the mirror and saw that she towered over him. Suddenly his face fell. Did he prefer escorting this stunningly tall woman or did he prefer being taller and therefore giving him the sort of sense of being “the man”?

Each guy will answer this differently and each woman needs to decide what is more important to her as well. I like to wear a tall heel but I don’t like to be taller than my man. Some women don’t care, some men don’t care. But if you’re a woman like me, and your man isn’t tall enough for you to wear your teetering shoes, then you’re going to have to find a solution.

Lil Jon was characterized by his excessive use of three exclamations “YEAH!” “OK!” and “WHHAATT” (extra emphasis on the extension of the word “what”) in his songs, as well as his ability to speak incoherently in successive lyrics. While Lil’ Jon was great to dance to as a high school freshman, mine, as well as others’ enjoyment of his booty-shaking songs waned as other rappers, with better command of the English language, and more creativity in their albums, came on the scene.

What does this have to do with dating?

Think about this. 90% of the time (feel free to dispute my facts) guys are attracted to girls (or girls to guys, or guys to guys or girls to girls) based on physical attraction. Period.

Why does it usually end? Someone isn’t interested anymore, or someone cheats.

Why does this usually happen? 90% of the time (again, feel free to dispute this claim) disgruntled parties cite a “lack of communication”.

What is a lack of communication? Most of the time, disinterested parties will answer their partner’s questions with the common answers of “YEAH!” “OK!” and “WHHHAATT?” not providing a succinct answer to question and usually answering in a combative, angry undertone that leads to a long and drawn out fight which may cut into your normal couple time of making vegetarian food and watching Keeping Up With the Kardashians. Which reminds me, I need to go check my DVR.

Do not let your dating life and relationship crumble like Lil Jon’s popularity. Communicate, and you will see positive results.

I know that I have mentioned this before, but of all of the things that Oprah has said, one line has stuck with me the most, mostly because it is the only thing I remember Oprah ever saying. She said something about how there is a thin line between a nice person and a pushover. She actually may not have said that at all, because this was while watching Oprah about fifteen years ago while half asleep. It may not have even been Oprah who said it. It could have just as easily been Dr. Phil yelling at some drug-addicted mother or something.

However, up until that point, I had thought I was a nice person. On that day, I realized there’s an equal chance that I’m just an asshole that’s too scared to stand up to anybody. If you meet a guy and think he’s super nice, there’s a very real possibility that he’s a terrible person. Do I hold the door for you because I’m genuinely nice or because I’m scared of the slim possibility that you are the daughter of Warren Buffett? Neither. I don’t hold the door for you because you’re sixty feet behind me and are also a 75-year-old man.

Seriously, if you’re going to be nice to a woman, make sure that you are aware of to whom you are supposed to be nice. You can’t just be polite to every person you meet in life. That takes too much effort and energy. 75-year-old men can open doors themselves just fine, but 27-year-old women need help. Your help.

Chances are, genuine kindness is a combination of both. You can’t be purely friendly without also putting some of your ego aside. You also can’t be a complete pushover without maintaining some amount of kindness.

I now know that I am also a combination of both. I’m not completely nice, and I’m also not a complete bumhole. I’m just a regular guy. I’m okay with regular, so long as I never accidentally hold a door for a perfectly capable elderly gentleman again.

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