Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Later vs Now

For the last couple of days, I have been noticing a big difference between the way that I and my husband think. It is glaring and now that I have noticed it, I can't NOT notice it.

He is a "later" person. I am a "now" person.

He will smile.
Later.

When I want to do something, or make a decision, I want to start. Now. Right now. I don't want to waste another second, I want to get my hands dirty, I want to get it done. If I decide that I want to go somewhere, I want to go today. If I am going to go out for dinner, then I want to do it that night.

I know that it isn't always feasible to be a now person. There are challenges- money, previous plans, other people's schedules, and just the simple logistics of starting and finishing projects. But I love the rush, the excitement that I feel when I get an idea or an urge and I am able to act on it right away.

Geoff is a later person. As in "someday, but not right now". I will tell him that I want to do something, or go somewhere, and he will agree that it is a good idea. When I ask him to pack it up and get ready to go, he usually gets that confused look on his face, as he begins to understand that yes, I did mean today. The excuses usually start. Sometimes, he goes with it.

It causes conflict in lots of different ways. I will ask him to do something. I mean now. He does it later. I get pissed. He is confused (seeing a trend here? Geoff doesn't put as much though into these things as I do.)
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So, how do I reconcile this? How do I make this work? We will be married for 15 years this year. You would think that I had figured this out by now. I am trying to be a bit more flexible in my expectations. But I end up doing a lot of stuff myself. I will ask him to make the kids breakfast. When 20 minutes has passed and he still hasn't done it, I do it myself. To tell the truth, if he doesn't jump in the first minute or so, I usually do it myself. Maybe that makes it easier for him to continue to a "later" person. Usually it makes it easier for me to continue to be a "now" person.

I am trying to turn my kids into now people too. Not only do I want them to jump and do what I want them to do, the minute I ask them to do it :), but I want them to live with this kind of excitement. I want them to feel what it's like to have the flash of brilliance, and that flutter in your belly. I want them to have the drive to start- not just start but finish!

There is something I am struggling with. Their "nows". The "let's go to the park" and "let's paint!" and "let's play hopscotch". When their "nows" conflict with mine. I find myself saying no, not now, later. I want them to be nows. I am forcing them to be laters. That makes me feel like a bad mom. I need to find a way to fix this. Now. Not later.

4 comments:

I understand - my husband is a bit of a 'maybe later' kinda guy. I don't usually want to do things, but when I do, I want to do them right away. I HATE having to wait because of money or time. I would much rather just do what I want, when I want to.

Life has to be about compromise, especially when it comes to loved ones who are different than yourself. Is there a way to nurture your husband's spontaneity while you practice patience?

Join the club! Come on, show me the love!!

About Me

I love my husband, and crazy about my son and daughter.
I work in the corporate world, but it makes me crazy, because I dream about small towns, and open fields. I have a work face and a home face. I am trying to leave the work face there more often, but it's hard.
I knit, because I love it and my Grandma taught me to. I miss her every day. I get tattoos, because I love it and it drives my dad crazy.
I like blood and gore and horror movies. I read, and create as often as I can. I talk about autism alot, but only because I am living that life.