The Long Kiss Goodnight

The Long Kiss Goodnight is a 1996 film about an amnesiac schoolteacher that, with the help of an alcoholic private eye, discovers she's actually a government assassin left for dead by her former agency which is now trying to eliminate her for good.

[Waldman hands a frightened Samantha a gun and pulls another one out.]

Mitch Henessey: Tell me, old man, how many of those things you got?

Nathan Waldman: Three: one shoulder, one hip, and one right here next to Mr. Wally, where most pat-downs never reveal it, as an agent's often reluctant to feel up another man's groin. Any other questions?

Mitch Henessey: Yeah! What's the weather like on your planet?

[On arriving at the train station, Mitch takes his gun from a file in the trunk and puts it into his pocket]

Mitch Henessey:[Singing] Put the car keys in my left pocket. Gun in the right hand side.

Mitch Henessey: Yes, I'm a Mormon, that's why I just smoked a pack of Newports and drank three vodka tonics. I mean . . . When I first met you, you were all "Oh phooey, I burnt the darn muffins;" now, you go into a bar and ten minutes later sailors come running out.

Nathan Waldman: There may be many reasons not to kill you, but among them is not that you'll be missed by NASA. I found the address in your coat. Here. Between the address of a topless bar, and the picture of what looks like a man's penis.

Mitch Henessey: That's a duck, not a dick.

[A man directs an unimpressed Charly into an alley with his gun.]

Charly Baltimore: Why don't you just go away and come back at midnight. Shoo!

Gunman: Hey, honey, this is a real big fucking gun.

[Mitch appears with his own gun pointed at the man's head.]

Mitch Henessey: This ain't no ham on rye, pal.

Charly Baltimore: What the hell are you doing?

Mitch Henessey: Saving your life. I would have been here sooner, but I was thinkin' up that "ham on rye" line.

Charly Baltimore: Were you always this stupid, or did you take lessons?

Mitch Henessey: I took lessons!

Charly Baltimore: I'm leaving the country, Mitch. I need a fake passport and I need money, lots of it.

Mitch Henessey: Well, why didn't you say so? Hold on a minute while I pull that outta my ass.

[Caitlin and Charly are locked in a fridge.]

Caitlin Caine: Mommy, am I gonna die?

Charly Baltimore: Oh, no, baby. No, you're not gonna die. They are.

[Charly strikes a match to light a gasoline stream.]

Charly Baltimore: Cover your ears. Hey! Should we get a dog?

[Charly steals the bomb-carrying truck. The dislodged driver calls on the radio.]

Truck Driver: I'm– I'm hurt real bad. I think I'm dying.

Timothy: Continue dying. Out.

Charly Baltimore: Easy, sport. Got myself out of Beirut once, I think I can get out of New Jersey.

Mitch Henessey: Yeah, well don't be so sure. Others have tried and failed. The entire population, in fact.

[Charly jumps over a fence with a rifle and surprises one of her students.]

Charly Baltimore: Good morning, Raymond.

Raymond: [nervously] Good morning, Miss Caine.

Charly Baltimore: What have we learned about the dangers of smoking? Give it here.