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It all depends on the individuals. I think big age differences are OK for close friendships but anything much over 20 years can be difficult for a relationship. When you are 40 he'll be 60. I have some great friends who are 25 years younger than me, and have had physical relationships with much younger guys but I don't think a long term thing would be on.
By much younger I mean early 20's to my 40's

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A friend of mine is going out with a guy who's over 40 years older than him. They've been together for nearly 10 years now and are both happy. The young one did all the chasing. He's just not attracted to people his own age.
Another friend of mine from years back met and fell for an older guy. She was in her late 20s and he was in his 60s. Both their families were against their relationship from the start, but they stood up to them. They've been married for about 15 years now and have an 11-year-old son.

The largest age gap I've had in a relationship was only 12 years. I can't say I would rule out seeing someone older again, or, for that matter, some one younger, now that I'm approaching 40.

At the end of the day, it depends on the people. If you're turned on by older or younger and it's not a controlling or manipulative relationship, I don't see anything wrong with it. However, I've seen some relationships where a guy in his 50s is dating someone in their 20s and totally dominating them. That's not healthy. However, if it's a balanced, happy relationship, who cares how old the person you fall in love with is?

If you are looking for a serious relationship based on non-artifical factors, the age difference will be a problem sooner or later. I just don't think that couples with age difference of greater than 15 years can last for ever. This is more true if the male is younger than vice-versa.

Gold Member

what do you guys feel about age differences in relationships? especially a large (20 year) difference?

I recently met a guy who is 20 years older than me (im 18 and he's 38) how does seeing someone, so much older than you, work out?

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I may be jaded; but given your ages, for him it's bound to be all about sex and using you for arm candy. I can't imagine what you could possibly have in common with him about which to talk. You are still in school, which means he pays for everything unless you are a trust-fund baby. That is kind of a bad set up because it gives him all the power.

If you can handle a no strings attached fling, then this is the perfect scenario. Otherwise I doubt this man is meant to be your hubby.

Just so you know, I am not homophobic. I would say the same thing if you were interested in a 38 yr old woman.

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I think NJ is thinking a little along jaded lines. Age difference depends heavily on the people involved. Indeed one of the things you have to overcome is people thinking he has the pretty 'boy' as arm candy. If the two of you get on, share interests, have good sex and treat each other right then that is all that matters.

If you feel he has you as a trophy boyfriend then that is different - then it starts to depend on whether both of you are OK with that. Some couples opperate quite happily that way (straight and gay / with or with age difference).

Basically, yes, it can work out just fine - just be aware that both of you need to be willing to put up with and deflect the opinions and assumptions of others.

Gold Member

Might be some little embarassing things... someone saying "your father" meaning the older partner or saying "your son" meaning the younger partner. But that's all social things... as long as it makes you happy when you're with him screw what anybody else has to say...