What's Gonna Happen Is Pretty Fuckin' Obvious, Study
Finds
According to a recent study, it's pretty fuckin' obvious
what's gonna happen, or at least what's totally
off-the-shelf capable of happening
technologically in the next 5 to 10 years, so why
fucking even bother playing it out since, the study
shows, when it's all done replicating behavior and
cognition, there still won't be a fucking soul there.

Net Stocks Slide (Wheeeeeeeee!)
The net stock slide (wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!) continued today
with net stocks sliding (wheeeeeee!) to new all time
lows. Several stocks are now valued in totally
imaginary numbers whose definitions are only recorded in
hidden files in the root directories of old legacy
286's, stored in rundown shacks at the edge of town
where a couplea times a week someone comes by and
unlocks the door, and though he or she enters carrying
something, he or she always leaves carrying
nothing. Or vice versa.

CNN sued by people whose names weren't left onscreen
long enough to be read
Claiming that their names weren't left onscreen long
enough for anybody to read them and thereby know who the
fuck they were when they appeared briefly on CNN to make
some quick ignorant statement about something that
didn't matter in the first place, a group calling itself
the CNN 8 today sued CNN for not leaving their names
onscreen long enough to be read when they appeared
briefly on some irrelevant CNN "segment" to make some
quick ignorant statement about something that didn't
fucking matter in the first place, still doesn't matter,
and never will matter no matter how many people whose
names aren't left onscreen long enough appear on CNN to
say something brief and ignorant in its defense.

Popular TV Political Talk Show Host May Change Name Of
Popular TV Political Talk Show
Popular TV political talk show host, Chris Vacuum, may
just change the name of his popular daily talk show
"Airball" or "Hairball" to whichever name it isn't
currently called currently, i.e. either "Hairball," if
it's currently called "Air Ball," or, "Air Ball," if
it's currently called "Hair Ball," because even though
Vacuum's vacuum-packed talk comes out looking like a
total Air Ball, it also, once you reverse engineer it,
starts looking like a total Hairball.

The American People Do Not Want To Be Embarrassed Again
Apparently the American people do not want to be
embarrassed again so they have silently removed from
circulation all pictures of George W. Bush staggering
around drunk and coked up and hitting on everything in
sight and on every coat hanging on every coat rack in
every room in every distant building lit up in the night
where, through its window, he can't totally make out
whether it's actually a human cause, if it's not, he'd
have to totally retract the undying unconditional
eternal love he was just about to give it.

There's not a huge demand out there for tax cuts
If you can just talk to people in stories, in real life,
in anecdotes, then perhaps it can somehow mean something
when you are sitting there drugged out, an inch away
from the button on the door with the map inside to the
place where a brief local discontinuity opens to the
edge of the fabric of time where you easily move either
into a level above this pathetic petri dish or at the
very least to a different solar system where there are
universal transducers so it doesn't really matter how
outrageously stupid a universe you're from.

Office workers and financial service employees finally
went on the damn murderous bloody rampage that's been
building up inside them now for bloody generation after
bloody generation, as it apparently ALL comes to a head
now that Jesse Ventura and Jackie Kennedy Onasis and and
the CIA and Ricky Martin and and...