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In a tiny diner, looking at a menu with my ex and his new partner. they tell me that the meal is included in the trip, but that it only covers two meals. i paid for the trip, but i let them have a nice dinner alone. he yells at me to stay as i’m walking out but i’m happy to get away. i want to see the mountain. i can’t figure out which bus to take and it’s raining tonight, but after taking a left at a crossstreet i see it.
spring green beauty with dark mud clefts. i can’t believe it’s here amidst everything so flat. i want to get to it but i have to walk through a stream that is paved. it rolls down a ways then reverses in a tight V like a wheelchair ramp. families are in there together, laughing. i step in and it’s so very cold and rushing fast, but as i climb up the calf-deep water, i’m a few feet closer to the mountain. it’s all i want.
back home i get a bill for $150. it’s for the dinner. they bought me a dinner i didn’t want (and didn’t eat) and so it voided out the free dinner for two included in the trip. i’m pissed, but busy, and decide to call my card company later to report it as fraud. furniture has been delivered and in the process, i’ve lost hannah. she’s just gone. i go to the closet to be sure the puppies are still there and they are. black and brown fuzzballs trying to get out of a plastic delivery bag. i scoop them up and take them downstairs. when i get downstairs they are tiny twin babies with large heads and spindly limbs in my hands. when one cries, the other reaches out and strokes its face with a middle finger and it stops. their figertips and nails are blue with poor circulation, they are sickly weak little things. but their touch is deliberate and comforting to each other.