If I Were a Monster (On God, Humanity, Vampires, and Werewolves)

I would seek out the dangers that face us, the things that not only frighten us, but threaten us. I would chase the things that we fear that can in the end be our undoing. Our end, our defeat, our certain painful death. Only, not just our death. Death is for the fortunate, death only comes to the victims who are cast aside once victimized. Beyond death, undeadness lurks, lures. The feeling that courses through a body, the feeling that the body must carry on and march, strive, seek, hunt, kill. And not just kill. Kill with an eternal death that infects and prolongs and absorbs until it redefines. Until the body is no longer what it was. Until its soul is released and whatever it is that is still coursing through it is so un-human that it must also be unholy. No longer one of God's children. Separated from God. Hell.

And if I were such a hunter, and I found these things, then... then I would have no need of mercy, for God himself has abandoned mercy for these. Then I would be required to mete justice on behalf of God himself. For God doesn't do these things himself. He leaves punishment in hell to Satan, and punishment on Earth to the creatures of Earth. Once I find these unholy, undead creatures, what need of mercy is there, or compassion? Simple execution. Simple, or complex is makes no matter. If I were to strike a lethal blow by any means, a blade, a club, a stake, or tearing the thing limb from limb, rib from rib, one dead tissue at a time. What does it matter?

This is not for my benefit, but for the good of all. The good of mankind, to protect, and to demonstrate how un-human these non-humans are. They need to know. God wants me to show them. And God needs a punisher. He always has, and in this time perhaps it's me. I am a servant, I've been listening for my call. And he's calling me. I can hear it so loud I'm deaf. Deaf to anything else, anything but my calling. I must.

This is not for my benefit, but for the good of all. The good of mankind, to protect, and to demonstrate how un-human these non-humans are. They need to know. God wants me to show them. And God needs a punisher. He always has, and in this time perhaps it's me. I am a servant, I've been listening for my call. And he's calling me. I can hear it so loud I'm deaf. Deaf to anything else, anything but my calling. I must.

I'm ready. I'm dressed, I'm going out now. Out to look. To seek, to find. To hunt. To protect, and to show the world, to show God's creatures what an abomination might look like, so that they might know and see, and not stumble, and be protected, I'm helping, I'm obeying, I am a servant. I don't know why God leaves this all up to me, but by God, I'll do it. I'll do it all. I'll find all of them. I'll get them all. I won't rest. I won't hesitate. I won't question. I'll do them all in, and each one will know what became of the other, I'll make sure of that.

...

There are so many. So many I can't... I must work harder, I need to go big. Bigger than ever. This city is so full of them, when it burns, the smoke will rise with such a smell as to please God in heaven more than I could by any other means. If there are any good people left in this city, surely they would be taken by the unholy before I could save them, so they are already forfeit now. I'll mourn for them alright, but I'll rejoice to smell the burning un-flesh rising in the soot.

God, help me. God, I need you to help me. God, I'm trying so hard, so hard to make this city burn, why won't you help me? You called me, you asked me, you demanded this of me, I'm your servant! Why would you do this to me? Why me? Why now? If you want me to prove my devotion, my loyalty, my love for you then so be it. If I have to carry this incendiary inside with me, I'll either make it out by your hand or not at all. Either way, I'm committed. I can't be more dedicated than this.

Now. Now I see that all this... all this was the most expensive way I can imagine for you to teach me O LORD. But it's too late. The abomination will outlast me, that should have been obvious to anyone from the start. Anyone but me. I am your servant. I am waiting for your call. I'm lying here, my bones and flesh of no use to me now. And if I can only explain what I see to the one unholy monster that lies beside me, will that do? Will that be enough? Redemption? God help me now. And all those others, the ones I destroyed to get here. Let me speak truth with my final breath.