predators

went to go see Predators this weekend and loved it. as much fun as it is seeing predators duking it out with aliens, it’s much better seeing humans duking it out with predators … the way it was always meant to be. plus, let’s be honest, the AVP movies are pretty horrid. is Predators good as its non-plural namesake? there’s an easy answer to that, and that’s not my answer.

as an aside, you’ll notice none of the photos have anything to do with the movie beyond the fact that all of these animals are predators (no vegans here). there’s a couple of reasons for that. first, Predators don’t actually exist, so I have no photos of them. second, studios don’t like people reposting their property just as photographers don’t like people reposting their property, and I can totally understand that. these predators are from the National Aquarium in Baltimore, still my favorite after all these years.

to me, the new Predators is totally different than the original AhNold vs Predator — but just as good. I’m surprised that I’m saying that. I didn’t realize until the movie started that it was directed by Robert Rodriguez, which probably scared me more than any scene in the movie. I’ve seen quite a few Rodriguez movies (El Mariachi, Desperado, Once Upon a Time in Mexico, From Dusk Til Dawn, Spy Kids, Sin City, and Planet Terror, so that’s actually like almost all of his movies) and I’ve only liked three: El Mariachi, Spy Kids, and Sin City. bizarrely, Spy Kids was probably the scariest (those thumb-thumb things are C-R-E-E-P-Y).

just like the original, Predators takes an intriguing (but more interesting) concept, and fleshes it out absolutely believably, which is difficult to do when you’re talking about fighting aliens. I think the casting was brilliant, and if you don’t think Adrien Brody can be leading material in this sort of movie (I had my doubts), you’re wrong (I was wrong). in the original Predator, you got scared, but you never felt that Dutch was scared. the new film takes a different tack. you don’t get scared, but you can sense Royce and crew’s sincere apprehension throughout the movie.

Predators is not a sci-fi-horror film anymore, and judging it to that standard is to miss the point. it is not a thriller, since there are few surprises (if any) if you’ve seen the trailers. what it is, is an intelligently crafted action film that gets you vested in what’s going to happen to these unlucky killers that are suddenly thrown into the same sinking boat, throws in as much character development as you can ask for with a straight face in an alien flick, and mixes in some of the best deadpan humor you may ever see in shoot-em-up movie.

a few random thoughts in conclusion:

the humor is awesome but unfortunately the best joke is one that you will never be able to repeat in public aloud, unless a number of state and federal statutes are repealed (let us hope they never are). none of the humor upsets the grim, uneasy atmosphere of the movie, which is impressive.

Alice Braga manages to stay relatively dirty and not-that-hot throughout the movie, which I thought deserved commendation (especially given the fact that Rodriguez is the director). I hate it when you’re watching a movie in which everything is exploding, people are getting mauled, and the chick looks like she was parachuted in straight from Santa Monica beach. you know what I mean, and I know you secretly enjoy it. it’s wrong. you should feel ashamed.

Alice Braga, if you are reading this, I did not mean that you do not look good. I agree with what Stans (Walton Goggins) has to say about your butt.

although I am now an Adrien Brody fan, that doesn’t mean I want to see his gangly body half naked and/or covered in mud. there’s a bit too much of that at the end, and that is the one moment you really miss Arnold. Catherine probably will not mind this.

after seeing Laurence Fishburne act crazy, I want to see a movie in which Laurence Fishburne and Samuel L. Jackson are the two leading characters. and they both have to be crazy. maybe a movie in which they both escape a mental asylum?

Mahershalalhashbaz Ali has to be the only name that is both totally bad-ass and totally impossible to get right the first 15 times around. he also pulls off the best trying-not-to-pee-my-pants look you’ll ever see.

why the heck have I seen so many Robert Rodriguez movies? there are directors that I actually like out there, of whose movies I have seen less. he constantly veers wildly from great to really, really, tragically bad and then back again. whatever, he did a great job with this one.