A Guide to Recognizing More Moments That Matter

We sat in a circle, criss-cross applesauce, with our knees touching, making a pen out of our bodies—a pen that contained two of the fluffiest, most silky-smooth bunnies you’ve ever seen.

The kids and I stroked their fur until the one named Lily (a boy bunny who was clearly named by the little girls who own him) hopped over our legs and made a break for the rose bushes, his favorite hiding place.

It was a chilly but sunny afternoon, a break in back-to-back storms, and it happened to be one of those rare but invaluable instances where I paused and thought—

THIS. In thirty years, I may not remember the details of our Disney trip or what toys the kids received at Christmas, but I might just remember THIS.

Laughing with my kids in the grass, snapping photos of their smiles, trying not to get pricked by the rose thorns when it was time to round up the rabbits.

What We Miss

Simple living is about clearing the excess (the stuff, the obligations, the self-imposed expectations) so we have room to notice and settle into the moments that make up our lives. But sometimes, even with the excess in check, we still manage to miss the moments that give our lives real color and purpose.

I mean, sure, we experience the moments, but too often we pass through them as if life is on fast forward. Because of this, we derive only a fraction of the joy that we could have experienced had we just moved a little slower—had we just recognized the moment in the first place.

Why?

We miss them for a dozen reasons. Maybe we’re preoccupied with planning for better moments, like the time I sat at my laptop booking an epic weekend campout for the family while my daughter tried to show me her newly mastered somersault three times before she finally caught my attention. (The irony, right?)

Maybe we’re busy chasing the ideal life we have in our heads. A career that is both respectable and fulfilling, a capsule wardrobe that lets you look put-together in less than five minutes, children who turn their homework in on time. (Getting everything right takes a lot of brainpower.)

Or maybe we just never trained ourselves to look for the moments in the first place.

How Can I Change?

1. Accept how little control you have over the moments you’ll really remember and cherish.

It’s not necessarily the Caribbean vacation; it might be as simple as playing with the neighbors’ bunnies on the front lawn. For me, accepting this helps me stay more in the present, instead of always looking toward the future for the next best thing.

2. Open your eyes to beauty.

I believe beauty is a gateway to a more satisfying life. Being attuned to beauty in your physical environment, whether it’s a flowering tree or a well-designed room or the subtle pinks of a sunset, opens you up to other kinds of beauty—the pride of a hard day’s work, the joy of an open day on your calendar, the feeling of a small hand in yours.

The moments feel twice as golden when you’re awake to beauty.

3. Embrace play.

The pressures of adulthood tend to take the playfulness out of us, but if you want to recognize the moments of your life, a sense of humor and playful attitude toward life will take you far.

“A little nonsense now and then, is cherished by the wisest men.” Roald Dahl

4. Develop a solid, consistent “noticing practice.”

Think: a gratitude practice, but more specific. At the end of each day, can you take even one minute to mentally run back over your day and bring into focus a few small, easy-to-miss moments that meant something to you?

The smile you heard in your mom’s voice when you called to ask if you could stop by. The dampness at your son’s hairline and the redness of his cheeks when he came in from playing outside. The sound of your spouse pulling in the trash bins so you didn’t have to.

Jot them down in a journal, put a voice to them when you pray, or post a photo on Instagram. Do it regularly and this will becoming your noticing practice.

5. Protect yourself from burnout.

I can distinctly remember a time when I took care of everyone at the expense of taking care of myself. I thought my stage of life demanded it. I was working from home, tending to small children, and running the household while my husband clocked what felt like a million hours at the office. Where would I fit in time for me? It wasn’t happening.

Eventually I learned that taking care of myself was as much a way of thinking as it was a way of living. And I learned that operating on empty completely blinded me to the beauty around me.

We’re meant to live from a place of fulness.

6. Keep a handle on excess.

Commitments to keep, expectations to uphold, belongings to manage… Unless they’re in line with your values, they’re distracting you from what’s happening right in front of your eyes. Living an edited life takes continual effort and recalibration (because no two seasons are the same), but it’s worth it when it means living your with your heart and eyes wide open.

7. Change your story; dwell in the positive.

Even more than anything above, I think it’s often the script in our heads that keeps us from settling down into the present. If you’re discontent with where you are or if you’re down on yourself for who you are, how will you ever cut through that to see the good? Especially on a consistent basis.

Watch the thoughts that are running through your head, acknowledge them, and begin to craft a new script.

Here’s to fewer distractions, less self-doubt, and more awareness of the moments that make you think, THIS.

***

Erica Layne writes at Let Why Lead about the freeing power of living by your WHY. Join the community by subscribing to her newsletter or following on Facebook.

About Joshua Becker

Writer. Inspiring others to live more by owning less.WSJ Bestselling author of The More of Less.

Comments

This reminds me of the many times I have been driving to work and forgot parts of the journey. I was so preoccupied with what I would really like to be doing I could not remember all or part of the trip.
Now I am more deliberate in my actions and enjoy the great times I create. Less day dreaming and more making it happen. Oh yeah. I am a big fan of embracing play. LOL. Thanks.

I really enjoyed reading your article and the reminder to be present! We’ve made big changes over the last 2 years to simplify and focus on what matters and I see a huge difference in my husband’s and my happiness! There is still work to do and I love reading posts like yours because it keeps me on the right path with the right focus. Thank you!

Beautiful stuff. Being grateful takes practice. We have a “Gratitude Jar” by our bed, and I try to write at least three things for which I am grateful from that day before going to bed. The more I do this, the more I look for and pay attention to positives throughout the day. It works!

Ha! One of the most vivid memories I have from my childhood is my 3rd-grade teacher doing a cartwheel because she bet us we couldn’t walk back from the lunchroom silently. (We did!) I bet your daughter will remember that somersault just the same way. The playfulness stands out!

I have been focusing on becoming more of a minimalist and it is very comforting. I agree that moments, not presents are more important and realize that more as I get older. I will continue following the minimalist websites to be reinforced in my thinking, Thanks to everyone who shares.

Over the past month, I have walked my three year old son to pre-school every day (except for two days because of rain). It has been true father-and-son time. No distractions, save for a duck or two making ripples in the lake by the trail. Just as you write, these are the days I will never forget in thirty years. I still haven’t forgotten moments such as this with my own dad from thirty years ago either.

Lovely post, Erica. How often I get lost in the “important stuff” and forget to notice what’s truly important in life. I especially love numbers 5 and 7. Inspiration to slow down and take in the moment.

Now that my children are all adults, I am so glad I took the time to create and enjoy moments. These moments are what we all cherish as memories. None of my four children can tell you what they received for Christmas when they were 4 years old but they all remember the night I stopped the car on the way home and we all rolled down a snow covered hill. I could have so easily said no, but I’m so glad I said yes.

Once you let go of control, you’ll open yourself to infinite possibilities. You stop having expectations and you welcome anything that comes your way. Anything that emerges within that space is beautiful. Thanks for the post Erica!

Erica, I have one son in third year college and my second child leaving the nest soon. Oh, how these past few years I have worked on practicing slowing, begin present, noticing the beauty of the moment. My youngest is only 11 and this year she has transitioned from homeschooling to public school and she asks me to watch Netflix with her – she squishes closer and closer as we watch until often she lays her head on my lap. I understand that even though there might be more “important” things I could be doing, that cuddling with my daughter is the best choice I can make this season. I recently posted about how The Way To Simplicity Can Be Messy (http://www.alifeinprogress.ca/?p=3532) and think it might resonate with some.

Beautiful, Krista! I’m actually working on a post right now for my own blog about ways to savor our kids, and watching Netflix WITH them is definitely on there. Those cuddles are worth so much, even if it means we’re not getting “as much done” in the moment.

And I remember you from your fantastic post about being happy with a mediocre life. I’ve shared it a couple of times, and it always strikes a chord with both me and the women it reaches. Off to read your latest post!

Beautiful words! As a family of (5) who lives on one income, I doubt we will ever be able to take a Carribean vacation! What we can do is appreciate the beauty of the mundane. A crisp Spring day, family game night, going to the park to play on the slides even though we are all too big!