Helping ambitious women in technology get career success without burnout

2nd October 2014

How has being a mum changed you?

Today’s blog is a series of conversations between friends:

Sherry: I’ve never loved my bed and sleeping as much since becoming a Mum. I used to be one of those people up at the crack of dawn, hating to waste a single minute of the day. I now LOVE staying in bed in the mornings (though my “lie-in” now is about the same time as I used to get up anyway).

I think I am more accepting and less judgmental of others … each to their own on how they think and behave. It’s impossible to know the history and emotions behind why a person does or says what they do.

I now understand why when I was first pregnant, when people congratulated me on my pregnancy, those who already were parents were so much more excited for me than those who didn’t have children.

I love babies now. I didn’t before. I used to tolerate them – yes they were quite cute, but I really wasn’t at all interested in babies I didn’t know. Now every baby I see is cute.

Carole G: You pinned it on sleep Sherry and other babies.

I realize how much practice it really takes to learn a skill and how dedicated little ones are. They spend hours working on something. We’re now into learning to tie shoestrings and ride a bike without training wheels. They never give up. It may take a few days or weeks, but something clicks and they just get it. They are so proud.

So, now, I try to make sure to pick new things to learn and I dedicate more time to it than I used to. I’m not as frustrated when I don’t get it the first time.

Sarah: I had Nick at 18 and have often felt (especially recently) that I never had chance to establish the person I was prior to having children. However, I believe that having children has taught me a far more selfless attitude towards life. I am also far more affected by world issues – even down to a sad story in the newspaper – and having children has definitely reminded me to occasionally look at the world through the innocent and sometimes less-educated eyes of a child and I think this is an invaluable tool in helping make the right decisions or the right analysis of any given situation.

To sum it up I think I would be far far more selfish without children.

Carole A: I am virtually unrecognisable as a person these days! I used to be very career orientated and couldn’t imagine what sahm’s did with their days. I would have pulled my own teeth rather than go anywhere with lots of young children … of course now I cannot imagine ever going back to work and love nothing more than surrounding George and I with toys and playing the day away!

George has also taught me to care less about what other people think and to treasure the simpler things in life.

Selina C: Ooh I was talking about this today with a friend who I’ve only just found out has had a baby. Anyway, we were at school together and agreed that if our 15 year old selves could see us now they’d be horrified!

Basically I never in a million years thought I’d have a baby at 25 and I’d never have thought that having a baby would change me so much.

Before I thought nothing of spending a month’s rent on clothes or going out or something equally wasteful and everything centred around me and what I felt.

Then Emilia happened and although I still have lapses (I happily spent about £5000 in my head in Selfridges when I went down to London the other week!) I can’t do anything now without thinking about how it’ll impact on her.

By the same token I’m a lot happier and more content than I was before and I think that has come from having someone else to think about which has made me grow up and take responsibility for myself. I know I’ve got it right cos my mum told me how proud she was of me and that means a lot cos I have let her down big style before.

Jo I’m about a million times happier and more content since I’ve had children. Pre-children I was self-centred, a workaholic, and a massive worrier. (Makes me sound nice doesn’t it???) I still am a worrier on a lesser scale, but it’s all focused towards the children now rather than me.

I care less about what people think and am much less judgemental of others. Despite being a million times busier than I was pre-children, I seem to appreciate the world around me far more than I ever did, just simple things like a nice walk or a family meal.

Physically, having children has also taken its toll on my body but that’s a story for another day, suffice to say, I haven’t bounced back to my pre-pregnancy weight with any ease. I have less time to worry about my appearance but still like to make the effort when I can, but spend far less on clothes etc than I ever did pre-children.

Tracy Now that I’m a mom, I find that life is all about balance … mothers become pros at ‘the balancing act’! I struggle to keep parts of my ‘old self’ around – it’s very easy to get caught up in the lives of my children and forget about what made me happy before I had children. I love my boys, but I also enjoy exercising (playing volleyball, golfing, going for walks, doing exercise classes, etc). Working full time and finding time to enjoy ‘me’ time is difficult. “Enjoy” being the key word. It’s hard to enjoy and not feel guilty about not spending enough time with the family.

My husband supports ‘me’ time fully (for both of us) which helps out tremendously.

I’ve learned that doing things for ‘me’ makes me a happier mother which is great for our entire family!

Then there is ‘couple’ time – finding the time to be together as a ‘couple’ so we can remember why we had children together in the first place!

Comments

A lovely read Sherry, I can relate to being a mum before knowing who I was. My biggest change being a mum was starting to care how what other people thought of me. I now know, that I’ll never measure up, so why bother? Everyone has an opinion of what a mum should be, especially those pesky men and little old ladies 🙂

Really good blog piece it just shows how it pretty much effects us in the same way regardless of age. As a teenager I would never have thought about having children but now i have two and have taught music to them for over 10 years! I am generally greyer, more tired, appreciate any little bit of time to myself more, less judgemental, slower, happier, have more fun, more emotional! I appreciate its hard to know always the right things to do or say to support and encourage ..and when i go upstairs every night and see them sleeping i cannot believe they are mine ! Love them and defend them till the end of time! 🙂

Totally agree with your points about other parents being more excited about pregnancy than people who don’t have children. I too was career minded before we had our first son and didn’t really comprehend why pregnancy news was greeted with such interest. I was in Human Resources by the way (I know. How scary is that?) Now I follow their stories, am genuinely excited and can’t understand when somebody else isn’t! Great post.

Oh, loving the bed in the morning! I also used to be a morning person. Now my dream is for my toddler to agree to come back and snuggle with me in bed for a few minutes before we start the day. (Hasn’t happened yet, but I’m not giving up.)

It was a great shock to everyone that I decided to become a mum at the age of 24. I was just starting my career and gave up everything for 6 years then I went back to work. I stopped judging people once I had a baby, especially other mothers. Now I’m a granny and have been on cloud nine about it since I first heard the news. So it gets better and better over time.