Ged Deming

Ged Deming’s wife Lynn asked for a Stephen Minister when it became clear her breast cancer could no longer be contained. Here Ged talks about what it was like for him, a trained Stephen Minister himself, to accept this kind of help.

At first I thought—Have I failed a bit that she would want the additional support? But the more I thought about it, I thought it was definitely appropriate to have her involved with somebody else. So it was really a good thing. And it really shifted a little bit of the burden that I had been going through. It gave me a brief respite to step back a bit, if only it was for one day. And it gave her something really unique to look forward to.

I guess one of the real burdens, too, was that we would ... I probably came to become too protective and try to extend her life in the sense of —“Don’t try and give in yet to the disease.” And perhaps that really wasn’t appropriate or fair to her. And having someone to bounce off her own thoughts and concerns was really helpful. She would actually come back and I’d say, “How did it go,” and she’d be very open, because she was very open, she couldn’t wait to tell everybody about her Stephen Minister.

I guess the burden I bore throughout the whole process was rather than dump my concerns on Lynn all the time – I didn’t have anybody to turn to and open up. You know, the family’s there. But it’s a different situation. So this really gave me relief, and I think that was really important. Even though it was once a week, it was an important once a week. And I think that what she accomplished with that hour or hour and a half was worth a whole week’s worth, sometimes, of my efforts.