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HIPSTERS GONE PALEO!!!

“The counterintuitive truth that you have to gobble up fat to lose fat and clear out your arteries is a harder sell, because it requires an understanding of blood sugar, insulin, fat creation and storage, and homeostasis. But any doctor, neighbor, or governmental organization that continues to espouse high-carb, low-fat for health is wrong, and in time this will be common knowledge.”

So…eat bacon?

What’s funny about the whole “paleo diet” thing is that even though its results are obviously successful with many people, at least anecdotally, the average person won’t even try it for a few weeks to see how it affects them. The reasons are sometimes culturual norms — “hands off my pasta!” — but in my experience, it’s usually some deferment to doctor’s orders. “Fat is bad! You need fiber! Your cholesterol will skyrocket! I’ll ignore the fact that you lost weight, eat half as much as you used to, are vibrant and healthful…and wow, you’re pretty ripped. Hey, this feels nice…and you’re more active (and attractive) than before (and stuff) — BUT — you will die if you continue that diet! Trust me, I know! Dr Ozzzzzz!”

Perhaps it is time we forgot about the big organizations, crappy science studies, and anyone else involved in the giant medical industrial complex we have today. Perhaps we can even forget our doctors. As the humans of the world become ever more individual and free, the concept of the n=1 experiment — doing controlled experiments on oneself to conclude hypotheses relevant to that self — becomes ever more important. Plus, politics just mucks things up. The less smog there is to pollute the skies, the easier it will be for the truth to shine.

The “paleo diet” is the next big thing in diet and lifestyle. It’s consistently the most searched diet on the internet, even if mainstream media won’t admit it. If you don’t know what paleo is yet, then you’re out of the loop of how humans have eaten for thousands of years, until the advent of agriculture, which is how governments were formed, as well as every modern disease. It isn’t a “caveman” diet — it’s a human diet. Humans eat animals, most plants, and no grains or industrial seed oils or sugar. It’s usually pretty low-carb and moderate-to-high protein/fat. When they don’t do that, they get fat, sick, and stupid. It’s pretty easy, really. Well, it was.

There are tons of paleo books now, just like any other genre out there. There are the hard science-y books, the “You can do it!” books with the long subtitles about “reclaiming your health” or whatever, and there are the niche books. I’ve seen books on the shelves spouting the same diet and lifestyle information that every other book does, but geared to an athlete, or a teenage girl — always by a certified expert in that field. You can’t write a paleo book unless you’re a certified expert. (Even paleo bloggers have been hunted down by the FDA for giving advice on how to combat diabetes with a low-carb strategy.)

Until now. I found the one. The book that the gods have allowed to sneak through every nook and cranny to infiltrate the masses.

Grant Petersen’s Eat Bacon, Don’t Jog is a flashy, victorious little book. It’s not even shaped like a normal book. This book is a kick in the pants and it fits in your back pocket. It doesn’t even have a normal subtitle: “Get Strong. Get Lean. No Bullshit,” it claims. And it delivers.

“I am not a doctor,” Petersen begins (mostly because he has to). He is actually a bicycle shop owner (and he has published an excellent anti-conventional wisdom book about bike-riding). He continues, “But let me ask you this: How helpful has your doctor been? Not a lot, I’m guessing, or you wouldn’t be holding this book.” Well, perhaps the hipster wearing reading glasses on the book’s cover swinging a kettlebell caught your eye while you were perusing Urban Outfitters. Yes, this is the paleo book for hipsters, by a certified hipster. I am giddy.

But it’s more than just a no-nonsense guide of how to eat and exercise in an up-to-date, “Now hear this!” style. It’s the most concise collection of all-things-paleo in one book I’ve found yet. And no chapter is longer than three pages (not including illustrations). There isn’t any fluff (or any other carbs, for that matter). Turns out this is what hipsters (i.e. most millenials) want. Tim Ferriss, eat your heart out.

Petersen writes with an authoritative, to-the-point style that any expert should be jealous of. His ability to communicate and his dry wit mix well. He blends science with humor without smirking and sometimes it’s hard to catch. I re-read numerous chapters twice just because.

After explaining the ins and outs of insulin spikes due to excessive carbohydrates being the cause of fat storage in the body, he lays down a few chapters on different foods to eat or to avoid. Grains are an easy one, but corn gets the biggest spanking. After explaining that modern corn is not only a scientific experiment, but mostly glucose once it is digested, Petersen explains how to eat corn: “At your next picnic, if you’re given a cob of corn, slather it with butter and slurp it off. Do that a few times, and then drop the yellow menace in the dirt, so you don’t have to be sneaky when you toss it in the trash, where it can’t hurt you.” A later chapter is titled, “How to get a figure like a potato,” and you guess what it’s about.

The secret to the whole paleo thing — and it’s the part that that no one seems to get into their neanderthal skulls — is that when you eat low-carb, your body has less glucose to burn, so it actually removes body fat from storage. And unlike glucose, fat is a slow burn, providing hours of energy — therefore, there is less desire to eat every few hours, like the typical sugar-burner. But you have to eat fat to burn fat, or you’d starve. (Protein in excess is stored as glucose, as well.) “Cut the carbs, eat more fat, and tame that raging appetite,” says Petersen. “That’s how it works.”

“The most efficient, effective exercise is unpleasant, uncomfortable, and a relief to be done with. For your muscles to get stronger, they need to burn and you need to gasp, and it won’t happen while you’re reading a magazine or following your favorite tunes while on a treadmill.”

In other words, don’t jog.

Now, Petersen isn’t saying never to jog. If you like to jog, do it. Jogging should fall into the same category as bike riding, hiking, and frisbee: play. Do it because you like it, not because it makes you healthier, because it doesn’t make you healthier. It creates chronic stress, which causes the body to dig into its own muscles for glucose, resulting in that lanky, wiry grampy figure most joggers have. Gross.

So what works? “The healthiest and arguably best-looking bodies in the sports world belong to sprinters, gymnasts, rock climbers, and dancers. They may have good genetics, but it is short, intense, straining, gasp-inducing exercise that shapes their bodies. They don’t jog.”

It’s been noted in the paleosphere that humans have never done cardio…ever. Maybe a messenger will run a 5k to pass something on to a tribe down the way, but it wasn’t a daily activity. Simply put, humans performed lots of slow movement like climbing and walking; they lifted heavy things when necessary; and they sprinted once in a while. Many studies have concluded that most of a day is spent resting. Being big, lazy bums. Maybe they fiddled with tools or just had sex, who knows…

Imagine that! I can speak from experience that a few minutes of sprinting will keep me sore for a whole day and that rest is warranted. In fact, I get “beached whale” pretty damned quick after a good sprint. It’s justified, not just deserved.

“Jogging feels healthy because it’s dreadful, but it’s the kind of dreadful that’s counterproductive….Jogging doesn’t build strength or fitness — it just trains muscles to tolerate more jogging, and in the real world that’s close to useless. You don’t jog to a bus that’s about to take off….You sprint.”

The chapters on exercising explain which exercises to do, complete with tips on designing workouts that work for the individual. Competely customizable and basic. Other than some kettlebells, every exercise in the book requires nothing but a floor (and maybe a pullup bar). Exercise should be short and brutal, not easy by any means. I needed a kick in the pants in the exercise department, and it kicked my pants, hard. I’ve been doing Janda situps and windmills the last few days…

And Petersen explains, if you can do so-many of whichever exercise, perhaps you need to do them slower. If you let momentum carry you on your squats or your situps or whatever, “it cheats your muscles out of a workout.” Instead of adding more reps — because that’s akin to jogging more miles — either add more weight or slow your reps down. Make a squat last thirty seconds per rep instead of five. “The burn is your muscles working without enough oxygen…and that’s what builds muscles.” That one short chapter was worth the book for me.

Oh, I almost forgot. All of the chapters explaining particular exercises contain illustrations of hipsters performing the moves. This is edutainment at its best. Enjoy!

“Meat is easy for your simple guts to digest, and the proof’s in the poop; or not. You don’t have large daily bowel movements on an all-meat diet — testimony to how thoroughly you digest meat.”

Petersen wraps up the book with some (very) short essays on the history of human evolution, other fun body facts, and some thoughts meant to leave you thinking about various topics such as sustainability, what time to eat, and why diabetics should eat this way. Many of these organizations such as American Diabetes Association “give bad advice,” such as “tell[ing] diabetics to eat about 200 grams of carbs per day, 50 to 75 grams of carbs per meal, to get half their calories from carbs. Any diabetic who follows that advice will require regular doses of insulin to lower the blood sugar spikes from the carbs, will find it impossible to lose weight…” The libertarian asks, “Why? To support a certain organization that might be making money off this strategy?” Yes, but the book doesn’t use that nasty L-word.

There’s also a chapter on how to feed your pets: “It’s better to just serve yourself some more steak or bacon than you need and skim some off for the dog. When you want four eggs with cheese, fry up five and give Bowser the spare.” End the war on fat pets!

“NEWS FLASH: It has come to my attention that you can use an electric beater and a medium chilled bowl to make whipped cream fluffier and faster. Apparently this technology has been around for more than half a century and it results in fluffier whipped cream.”

The final chapter is recipes. It isn’t a paleo book without recipes! Petersen’s recipes are hipster-friendly, and are pretty cool. There’s eggplant pizza, homemade chocolate bars, and something called “Fun With Cream.” There are real recipes, too, but nothing too fancy. It shows the simple accessibility of this diet without being boring. If that’s too complicated, just make some eggs and steak — share with dog.

“Food is a political issue, and politicians hoping for a long career in politics aren’t going to endorse an agenda that makes it hard to sell wheat, corn, or potatoes.”

The final few pages of the book are a collection of resources for further reading, for those who want to continue on their own. Here is where Petersen says to read the pros if you don’t want to take his word for it. It is here where I venture off onto my own trail, and you should, as well…

We are entering a decentralized future where every person will be his own pro with his own customized plan, and his plan will be the best plan. I won’t tell anyone that MY diet (which is a low-carb, high-fat diet almost identical to Petersen’s) is best for them. Maybe someone truly does thrive on Soylent Green drinks, or vegetarianism, or an all-pasta diet. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Much like how young people today are not even remotely concerned by politics (Rand who?), they will be unconcerned with nutrition guidelines handed down to them from some “authority.” (Dr…Oz???)

All I can say for now is that it’s a great start down that road when a bicycle shop owner writes a compelling, marketable book that says a lot more in a lot less than any of the “pros” — whether that’s governments or doctors or photo-shopped muscular doods with subtitles like “regain your health” below them — ever will.

Hey mate good article, I appreciate a lot of the sentiment here. I think you might appreciate another book about diet, exercise and lifestyle, written by another bike lover called Harley Johnston. The book is “carb the fuck up” and it’s written in a similar vein to “eat bacon don’t jog” but from the other end of the diet spectrum. I would definitely recommend reading it to see how the same style can sound applied to the other side of the argument.

I’d like to give you some of my ideas on the diet and exercise ideas here if you’re interested. First my main thoughts on paleo are that it is certainly helpful for the average person but mainly because it is cutting out junk, adding more vegetables and adding some exercise. Of course a fat person can lose some weight and add some muscle if they stick to that.
A high fat low carb diet is certainly no performance diet though, like you said fat is slow burn. Burning fat is not an efficient process in the human body, burning fat is for when there is no more food (ie you’re starving). Do you think the gymnasts and sprinters you mentioned eat paleo? No way! And you can check the diets of pro athletes. Without carbs they would have no chance. It would be like trying to run a race car on coal. If athletes don’t smash heaps of carbs they won’t have the glycogen stores they need to compete (they won’t have any petrol in the tank). For everyday activities for average people the same rules apply, the body much prefers to deal with glucose than fat. Even if you’re not racing you’d prefer to have your car running on petrol not coal.

I have to address the paleoshpere’s assertion that humans have never run more than 5k. Why would humans be uniquely suited to running long distances without stopping without ever having a use for the ability. Human’s unique cooling system of sweat allows us to cool as we run instead of stopping to pant. Check out the endurance running hypothesis, which says ancient humans were able to hunt down nearly any animal by outrunning it. For people that base their lifestyle on ancient humans they sure don’t know much about them.

@demelza, the “paleo” diet much broader than keto. I focus on ketosis, myself, but it’s not for everyone, of course. congrats on the success! do you like Jimmy Moore? He’s my favorite ketosis expert online. in his book keto clarity, he tells a story about how when he orders food in a restaurant, he demands the waitress to “bring me more butter than you’ve ever brought another human being!” and I swear, I need to try this.

@fuzzdog, thanks for all the great thoughts to get me thinking. I’m not educated on the subject of running long distances, and I’ll admit my comment on running the 5k was not founded on any real science or anything. I can easily imagine humans jogging (even faster, really) longer distances, easy. it was just an example. Of course, it was also part of a lifestyle that is much more active than today, and humans in that culture are generally better at everything, anyway..

Also…I knew it! Carb the Fuck up is by the 30 bananas guy. I just downloaded his book and I’m going to read it this week. Lots of the info looks like we’d agree, anyway.

Concerning your comment on gymnasts and sprinters, etc. eating higher carb — yes, they are higher carb compared to average people, and yes, most athletes probably go way higher carb. Robb Wolf is into Brazilian Jui Jitsu, and he interviews HIIT-style athletes and trainers who are “low-carb” for athletes often on his show and they get into the science and debate and stuff. It’s great that there’s plenty of healthy debate in the field and not just B.S. taking-sides. Low-carb for an athlete might involve 300-500g a day, but by no means do I think that’s high-carb FOR AN ATHLETE. And let’s not forget all the NBA players going low carb and having success (Lebron? Sold.). And what is basketball but sprinting for an hour straight, really?

I won’t generalize, but I’ve heard Mark Sisson talk about numerous long distance runner athletes who die of heart attacks in their 40s or 50s, and similar health problems from others. Petersen comments in his book on how he was so obsessed with low-fat and high-fiber that he actually would skip the peanut and just eat the shell. He only got in worse shape as he aged. What’s fascinating about all of this, is that the modern exercise regimens we all tend to follow as a culture are so young and things will change. None of this is written in stone, and it needs to be remembered as we debate it. If some people do well on higher carb or more cardio based work, then by all means do it! I like to sprint once a week and eat seven eggs a day. Fine with me.

At least we can all agree that there are vested interests in keeping people unhealthy. The more disease becomes a “lifestyle choice” and less a disease, the more those big ABC groups will shift to support it rather than erase it. Usually, that’s the best evidence for me as a libertarian to explore the alternatives. Also, I personally feel better not eating bananas. gross.

This was a great article Richard – thank you! I’ve done the Paleo diet for years, but have experimented and shifted over time. I think your comment about everything being up for debate and being based on the individual is exactly right. A diet that works when you are overweight and unhealthy may not be the best once your health is restored. Experimenting with different levels of carbs/fats, different exercise programs, etc. is key. Conventional wisdom steers you wrong so often. Learning to listen to yourself and be open to what works for you is critical!

@reaganrothbard, thanks so much for reiterating the important lesson that was the main point of my article. what is a hipster, but someone who wants the world to know he’s unique? that’s why I love the marketing of this book.

I loved this article. It was engaging and informative and entertaining. I don’t get to read material on L.Me as often as I would like, but when I come across something particularly interesting, relevant to my situation, and entertaining like this piece, it makes it even more enjoyable to be here. Thank you for your contributions to this community and keep up the good work!

@luckypyrate, that comment was as awesome for me as the article seems to have been for you. thanks so much. writing here is just a hobby for me, and that stoked the fire.

@fuzzdog, I read CTFU, and I will just say a few things.
1. I won’t comment on how poorly this book is put together.
2. he mocks any science defending paleo as “broscience” — meanwhile he posts a stupid picture of red blood cells before and after someone eats fat without any explanation of it, really. This is correlation at its simplest — meanwhile those broscientists put dozens of pages of footnotes at the end of their books. much more legit. Also, half of his “real science” is “google it” and/or anecdotal “check out my hot girlfriend named Freelee” b.s.
3. his book is full of logical fallacies. easy one: some hunter gatherers practiced cannibalism, so all paleo people should. if you eat meat, you should eat your pets. he ignores the fact that he is a moron. in an interview with Jimmy Moore he gets way too deep into this shit, and it’s more disturbing than entertaining or even worth googling. After I read about his ex-drug problems and B12 defiencies that causes aggression issues, I started to wonder.
4. all of his attacks on paleo personalities are interesting, but unwarranted. he should be attacking the diet strictly, not the people. However, I found his points interesting and worth researching. Anyone who reads this terrible book and doesn’t research every fact, however, is a sucker, like the people he makes fun of for following the paleo people blindly. In fact, Richard Nikoley reported on freetheanimal.com in 2011 that his site is heavily-censored and some members reported their failures on the all-fruit diet and weren’t supported. Like Johnstone’s own version of broscience in his own book says, (because clearly he is much more bro than Robb Wolf could ever dream to be) “Google it.” No seriously. Go to freetheanimal.com and search for Harley Johnstone. They apparently debated in 2011 on a radio show and just the posts on Nikoley’s site are worth reading for awesomeness. (I can’t find the debate because the site it is linked to doesn’t exist anymore, so I emailed @rnikoley. )read this first: http://freetheanimal.com/2011/02/vegan-lies-and-their-stick-figure-people.html

It gets into more than diet. Veganism has nothing to offer paleos, who mostly just want to do what they want to do. Though Nikoley admits some arguments like “added fat” is definitely not paleo, and that eating more veggie matter than meat might be something the vegans are onto. But guess what, the meat should be coming from mostly small-time grassfed, decentralized, market-based local farms — not the big Australian farms have that Johnstone refers to. Google Savory Institute, Joel Salatin, and Robb Wolf is a captain on this topic in his podcast. So even if beef is bad, we’re isolating ourselves, so leave the vegan worldview out of it (I’m sure you’re not promoting that if you’re a libertarian, but Johnstone is so annoying with this, I just skimmed it after a while).
5. Johnstone mocks paleo guys for seeking trends and writing books. Google Freelee’s book “Go Fruit Yourself.” It has a meal plan. It has a typical book cover. He mocks meal plans in his book, then he brags about pimping his girlfriend and making “$10 000 a month on youtube.”

But you’re right, he’s the opposite of Petersen in the same market. Some hipsters like well-done books that are backed with reasonable research and some hipsters like poorly put-together e-books that make them feel better about their choices after they join isolated, centrally-planned forums on certain websites. durianrider might call them worshippers of public opinion, only it’s his opinion they worship, since they bought his book. it’s all the same b.s. his book, btw, even if it promises no B.s. or filler is filled with b.s. and filler. he repeats himself so often I was really close to skipping pages at a time.

6. however, I will add that my carb phobia was eased a bit, especially since I’m inspired to keep up my ketosis and get way more physical. I don’t believe his argument that athletes in ketosis get laggy and tired. Not if they’re fat-adapted, obviously, and trained for whatever their sport it. I rode my bike, ran, and walked everywhere for a year in ketosis when I didn’t have a license and I was never lagging. In fact, I’d go 20-22 hours without eating and talk people’s ears off then walk home and still forget to eat. But that’s just me. I also agree with him that there is no such thing as protein deficiency. I can eat 1/2 pound of meat and a few eggs a day and mostly fat and get by great. It comes down to the individual, which Moore couldn’t get him to admit. If moore asked him that question, he’d always respond with some kooky doom porn about starving Leningrad people or adults wanting their mother’s breast milk because that’s what baby cows want dairy for. It was weird and not effective argument.

Anyway, I took some positives from the book so thanks for suggesting it, ami!

My appetite and cravings can be gamed. I know what I like. I wish I knew what is good for me.

Paleo seems a bit extreme to me. Diet-influenced problems like obesity and diabetes started becoming a big problem about 100 years ago. Europeans stopped eating paleo thousands of years ago, when agriculture happened. Yes, we need more fat than we have been told. Certain carbs are really a problem (refined sugar). But there are still lots of questions.

Science has not really delivered the goods in the area of nutrition. Maybe I am being too cynical and this is a really difficult problem. Or maybe it has become politicized and subject to fads and counter-fads.