Happy Jesus’ Birthday 2018

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I love me a good co-opted pagan festival celebrating the historically incorrect birthday of a middle eastern man (now rendered as Caucasian, because…… white people) who thought he was the offspring of a deity and wasn’t averse to subjugating the odd sex worker, especially when the festivities involve choking (between mouthfuls of antibiotic infused, factory farmed & force-fed till its legs broke meat product) on the rancid engorged member of late-stage capitalism whilst sobbing gently in self-loathing at not being able to afford the latest Sang-Apple-tendo electronic gadget for your ungrateful little snow flake spawn. Love it.

I don’t do Christmas cards……. but if I did they’d be 3d printed working snow globes (filled with the tears of food bank children and the ground up bones of pedophile priests) based on the animation above that I spent way too much time making as festive as I could.
I’d send them out using an online retailers zero hour contract staff to everyone I’d ever met whilst dancing naked around a fire on the shortest day of the year pleading with the old gods to strike me down where I pranced.