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Introduction:

Adam and Eve meet and mate in the Garden of Eden

JackassTales… Tale # 27… Biblical and historical accounts of Adam and Eve’s early relationship are very sketchy. This imprecise information leaves much for the imagination to fill in. This tale is my interpretation of events. To paraphrase an old Simon & Garfunkel song; ‘You’ll hear words you never heard in the bible’. Hopefully, my story won’t be considered blasphemous babbling by any of our bible-toting brethren who might read it.

Adam & Eve’s First Time

Alone was I, walking aimlessly through the green pastures and meadows, when upon a forested glen I did come. Seeing no harm in it, I entered the shadowy realm for a little exploratory expedition.

Soon I realized I must be careful of the myriad array of briars and brambles which could rip and tear uncovered skin. I began thinking about how lucky animals were to have fur or hair for skin protection. The only furry hair covering I had on my body was on the top of my head and between my legs.

I made up a word for my unclothed predicament. I called it ‘nudity’. Yep, I was as nude as the day the Creator made me! This is what I did for a living. I gave a name to ‘things’ which had no name before.

Truth be told, one of the first things I named was the long, dangly appendage hanging down between my legs. The word ‘cock’ came to my mind and I decided to stay with it. I believe I came up with the name when I’d named the ‘rooster’. Those horny cacklers wake up early in the morning and crow like hell! The cock between my legs was the same way. Early in the morning it did rise and the only way I’d discover to tame its demanding crowing was to pump it vigorously with my hand until it shot out a load of milky cream. A side benefit to this exercise was that it felt pretty damn good doing it!

As I continued walking along, the trees, bushes, and briars thinned out and soon I found myself on the edge of a beautiful garden. I was awestruck by its magnificence and bounty. Right then and there, I decided to name the place ‘Eden’.

So amazed was I by the wonders of Eden, I didn’t immediately hear the soothing, angelic singing coming from behind a tree. Finally, I heard the melodious tones. With my curiosity aroused, I crept forward to investigate.

Talking about being aroused! Why, as soon as my eyes beheld the sight of the wondrous creature standing there, the cock between my legs became swollen and fully erect!

Nude like me, the enchanting vision had shapes and curves which were stimulating my loins in a way I’d never known before. For some curious reason I had an irresistible urge to mate with the exotic being.

Where in the world this fascinating life form had come from, I couldn’t say. Since the being was standing up on legs like mine, I decided this must be a female version of me. I had been calling myself a ‘man’, so I would call this creature a ‘woman’. Woe is me as a man because I’ve fallen head-over-heels in love with her seductively erotic body.

Touching a tender place in my side where a rib had been removed, I recalled something the Almighty had said about making me a companion and playmate for life. Perhaps this feminine apparition was it.

The woman bent over to pick some berries from a bush. Posed as she was, I realized her body was so picture-perfect a visual image of the word ‘playmate’ was stuck in my mind and in my eyes.

Stepping out from behind the tree, I walked towards the woman. I had a hypnotic urge to touch her, but I kept my hands to myself. Speaking softly, I said, “Hi there, woman. How are you? Do you have a name? If not, I can give you one. It’s my job, if you care to know.”

Startled, the woman turned, smiled, and answered, “Hi yourself, Mister. I’m fine. I’ve been wondering when you’d be coming along. Yes, I have a name. God told me to call myself ‘Eve’. You must be the famous ‘Adam’ he’s told me about?”

“Yes ma’am, Adam is my name,” I responded. “I’m very happy to meet you, Eve. God has only told me a few things about you. Hell, he didn’t mention anything about how beautifully sexy you would be!”

Eve looked at me disapprovingly and sternly admonished, “Adam, we’re not supposed to use the word ‘Hell’ because we come from a place called ‘Heaven’!”

“Now woman!” I said firmly. “Don’t you start pestering me about my language! Next thing I know, you’ll be telling me I can’t drink or smoke!”

Looking at me with a frown on her face, Eve asked, “Do you really drink and smoke, Adam? God told me you were a ‘good’ man with no vices!”

“Miss Eve, don’t you fret,” I said. “I was just kidding. I don’t drink. I don’t smoke and I don’t chew and I don’t go with girls that do!”

Eve giggled at my feeble attempt at humor. Taking my hand, she led me over to a grassy nook near a quiet-running stream. We talked a little while and had a snack made from nuts, berries, and fruit.

Unashamedly, I was giving Eve’s body a good hard look. This woman had a head full of long, curly hair. She had a thin bush of curly hair between her legs. Below her bush, long, well-tapered legs ran all the way down to barefooted feet. Upon her chest sat two magnificent mammary orbs.

The melon-shaped ornaments decorating Eve’s chest had an alluring, inviting attraction for both my hands and my mouth. My hands wanted to play with them and my mouth wanted to suckle the feminine fruit. There at the tip of each perfect sphere was a protruding, pink nub.

Without asking for Eve’s permission or consent, I began playing with the feminine objects I so desired. She didn’t seem to mind, so I played to my heart’s content. My mind began to think up names I could give to these mesmerizing mounds. I had a couple of words in particular in mind.

Eve beat me to the punch. Smiling contently, she said, “Adam, do you like my girls? I’m not exactly sure about what to call them, but I’ve come up with two names to choose from. I like the word ‘breasts’ and the word ‘tits’. I can’t decide between them. Which one of them do you like better, Adam?”

“Damn, Eve!” I answered with mischievously teasing distress. “I’m having trouble choosing myself because I like your right one just as much as the left one! They’re both beautiful girls!”

Shaking her head with annoyance, Eve retorted impatiently, “Silly man, I didn’t mean which ‘girl’ you liked the best! I want to know which name you preferred. Do you like ‘tits’ or do you like ‘breasts’?”

“What’s in a name, Eve?” I replied. “A rose by any other name would look and feel as beautifully sweet! How about we keep both names? We’ll use ‘breasts’ on formal occasions like when we are talking to God. I’ll say something like, ‘God, that’s some mighty fine breasts you’ve given my woman Eve!’ And, when we are alone, we’ll use ‘tits’ as a more intimate endearment. I’ll say something like, ‘Hot damn Eve, your tits are beautiful!’ What do you think about that?”

Eve giggled merrily and then proved she too could play the game of mischievousness merriment. “Sounds fine to me,” she said. “Mister, you can call them ‘breasts’ or ‘tits’ or ‘jugs’ or ‘knockers’ or ‘boobs’ or anything you want just as long as you love them and play with them! You do love them, don’t you, Adam? If you do, then you’d better kiss them!”

“Hell yes, I love them!” I answered adamantly. And, kiss those beautiful girls I did. First, one melon-shaped boob felt the oral assault of my tit-hungry roving mouth. The other tit became a victim of a similar attack. Nubile nipples popped to attention against my teeth as my tongue traced kissing circles round and round them.

So violent was my mouth’s breast battering, Eve was knocked to her back in the soft grass. A nipple was pulled out of my suckling mouth so violently it caused an audible ‘pop’.

Having tasted feminine fruit, I had no intention of stopping now. My flesh-hungry lips explored my woman’s silky, soft flesh from head to toe. Her supple lips provided sweet nectar which inflamed the twin fires of passion and love. Eve’s abdomen and its bellybutton indentation became playgrounds for my kissing touch.

I flipped Eve over onto her belly and kissed her back, her legs, and the well-endowed fullness of her pretty derriere. ‘Derriere’…? Now where in the world did my mind get this name? This name is too fancy and formal for everyday use. So, I needed a short, intimate name which would convey the stimulating horniness I felt while playing with and kissing this sweet, soft feminine flesh.

When I bent over again to kiss the fullness of this exotic beauty’s behind, my erect cock was tickled by the grass beneath her. I liked the feeling of grass under my feet as a walked to and fro barefooted. Yeah, I liked grass and I liked ass. ‘Ass’…? Why this word popped into my head, I couldn’t say, but it sounded like a keeper to me.

“Hey, Eve,” I said. “Lady, you’ve got a really nice ass! I like it very much, but I believe the Old Man upstairs gave you a defective one. Why honey, your ass has a crack down the middle splitting it apart!”

Eve giggled with melodious merriment. Flipping over onto her back, she looked at me just as if she were staring at a half-witted man. “Adam,” she lectured. “God’s ways are mysterious and we’re not supposed to question them. Besides, I don’t believe my ‘ass’ is defective because I have a cracked mound on the front side of me, too!”

“You do?” I asked with skepticism. “Well, Miss Prissy, I believe I’d have to get a look at that place before I’d go to giving God the benefit of my doubts. I come from a ‘show-me’ land, so M’lady, show me!”

Playing along eagerly, Eve spread her legs wide and pointed to the hair-covered opening between her legs. During my visual and oral exploration of this wondrous woman’s body, I had bypassed this bush-covered place. My thinking was if God had covered it then perhaps it was a female ‘thing’ with little a man would find appealing.

Man-o-man was I mistaken! Right there, where Eve was pointing, was a glorious mound of erotically stimulating feminine flesh the likes of which I couldn’t believe existed! Appealing…? Why, bless my soul, the mounded perfection of Eve’s womanhood was the most wondrously fascinating sight I’d ever been privileged to see!

“Believe me now?” Eve seductively teased. “See the cracked place? Mister ‘doubter’, you just watch this! I’m going to open my spilt place and let you see what I have hidden inside it.”

With mesmerized eyes, I saw the woman spread the swollen outer lips of her fabulous mound. Out popped a tantalizing treasure which made my cock swell to its bursting point. Below the dangling jewel, small, butterfly wings of inner flesh gave hint of a moisturized opening.

“God Almighty, Eve!” I exclaimed. “What do you call this marvelous thing? Do you already have a name picked out? I hope so because I’m so stunned I couldn’t come up with a name even if God threatened to fire me from my name-calling job.”

The woman beneath my eyes smiled and happily answered, “Why, yes Sir I just happened to have picked out names myself! One day I was playing with some baby pussycats. The cute little felines were cuddly, warm, and furry. I decided to name the warm, furry place between my legs a ‘pussy’. ‘Vagina’ is a formal name I picked. The part that’s sticking out in between my pussy lips, I call a ‘clitoris’ or ‘clit’ for short. Adam, dear, do you like my names?”

“Lordy me, I surely do!” I boldly pronounced. “Damn Eve, I love your names and I love looking at your pretty pussy and clit! But, lady of mine, I’m afraid I’m going to have to do the same thing to your vaginal feminine delights I did with your tits. Babe, I just have to have my hands and lips on them.”

Pushing Eve’s fingers aside, my own fingers dug into the mound of her feminine flesh. My hands attacked and roughly caressed my woman’s pussy. Having tasted the fruit of her breasts, I had every intention of tasting every inch of this delectable female treasure Eve was giving me.
My flesh-hungry lips explored my woman’s silky, soft pussy. My mouth felt racing blood running through seductively swollen outer lips. My fingers pulled curly hairs aside so my lips could kiss the silky skin close to her thighs.
Ravenous pussy-hunger seized control of my senses. Spreading the puffy lips, my mouth and lips assaulted the tempting clit. This warm, juicy protrusion of exotic femininity stiffened to erectness as I greedily licked and sucked it.
My licking, exploring tongue found entrance in through the inner-pussy butterfly wings and found this woman’s mysterious vaginal hole. The sticky wetness of feminine moisture assailed my probing tongue. Licking and lapping at the slippery stickiness, my stiffened oral cock continued its exploratory quest. Deeper and deeper into the bottomless depths did I plunge.

“Ouch!” Eve exclaimed. “Adam that hurt! You’re sticking your tongue in too deep and you’re hurting my hymen. And, quit biting my clit so hard! How would you like it if I chewed on your manhood so hard I made it sore?”

Sensing an opening for another avenue of sexual stimulation, I winked and answered, “Well Eve, I suppose I wouldn’t mind if you sucked and chewed on my cock for a while. A little lady like you can’t hurt my big, hard fella!”

I was wrong, at least I was halfway wrong. Eve tackled me, shoved me to my back in the grass, and grabbed my elongated shaft. Without any planned forethought the woman popped the head of my cock into her mouth.

Just like me, today was Eve’s first time experiencing sex. She didn’t know any more about what she was doing than I did. Yet, with a cock stuck inside it, her mouth knew what to do. Releasing saliva as a lubricant, this woman’s mouth began to hungrily bob up and down on the rigid rod.

While she was sucking on my throbbing erection, Eve’s tongue was doing magical tricks all along my swollen manhood. Twisting and twirling the woman’s serpentine tongue was teasing my tender flesh and driving me crazy.

“Oh Babe,” I gasped. “That feels incredibly good! But, I believe you were told you couldn’t hurt my big fella, so you just go right on sucking and I’ll lie here and enjoy your feeble attempts to try. Lady, you’ve got to learn to listen to your man when he tells you what’s what!”

I wish God had warned me about a woman’s temper sometimes being short. Hell, I had no idea I was teasing Eve too much! I learned my mistake the hard way.

“Adam, tell me how this feels!” Eve impishly said. Her teeth bit into the tender flesh of my swollen cock. She scraped her sharpened chewers all along the length of my shaft. She nipped at my skin and stubbornly chewed on my meaty erection.

Adding insult to injury, Eve mockingly said, “Feels good, doesn’t it, Adam? You just lie back and enjoy my feeble attempts. Are you still having a good time, my dear?”

Grabbing the mischievous woman by her long, curly hair, I smacked her ass with a stinging whack and pulled her greedy, cock-biting teeth away from my loins. Pulling her atop me, I settled her on my chest with her tits pushing against my hot skin.

“Shut up and kiss me, Eve!” I ordered. “If you keep on teasing me, I’ll turn you over my knees and give your pretty little ass a good and proper spanking! Now, what would you think about that?”

Despite her efforts to prevent it, Eve grinned. “Promises, promises,” She irresistibly teased. “That’s all a man can do. Why Adam, if you really wanted to spank my ass then you would stop talking about it and just do so!”

Springing up into a sitting position, I twisted the wickedly wanton woman’s body into a lying position across my lap. Her sticky, wet pussy was pressed so tightly against my hardened erection our pubic hairs became intertwined. My cock was enclosed within the confines of her warm thighs.

Raising my hand, I slapped a seductive, lily-white ass cheek with a quick smack. Ass smack after ass smack followed until both cheeks glowed with a reddening tint. Eve whimpered, but she didn’t cry out or protest my manhandling mauling.

Emboldened, I spanked her again. This time, my stinging slaps must have caused too much discomfort. “God, Adam!” Eve wailed with tears streaming from her eyes. “Mister, if you start getting too rough, I’ll kick your ass all over this beautiful garden!”

“Sorry, Eve,” I said with genuine remorse. “Honey, I was just so caught up in the excitement of ass spanking I couldn’t control myself. How about you lie down and let me kiss it and make it ‘all better’?”

Eve turned over onto her belly in the grass and I rained a torrent of soothing kisses all over the reddish skin of her ass. My kissy-licky lips warmed to their task of providing nurturing comfort to inflamed flesh. My licking tongue traced tickling lines all around each beautiful cheek.

When at last the reddened skin turned back to white, I stopped kissing my woman’s ass. Picking her lithe body up off the grass, I sat her astride my lap with her legs going behind my back. Her breasts were pressed against my chest and our naked loins were touching.

Drippy moisture was leaking from Eve’s pussy and running along the length of my stimulated cock. I had been wondering about all the wetness she had between her legs. Was she supposed to be so wet and was it natural?

“Eve?” I asked inquisitively. “Are you certain God didn’t give you a ‘defective’ female body? Your pussy has sprung a leak and is dripping all over us!”

Putting her arms around my neck, Eve wet her lips and kissed me with an ardent passion which shook me to my toes. Looking deeply into my eyes, she whispered, “Adam, my dear sweet man, God told me there was a reason for the wetness dripping from my pussy, but he didn’t explain it fully. He said I’d like the reason and you would, too. Oh, and yeah, he mentioned something about it being a lubricant for penile penetration.”

“Adam?” Eve quickly questioned. “What is ‘penile penetration’? I’ve been wondering about it ever since God told me. You’ve been around longer than I have, Adam, so what is it?”

Shrugging my shoulders with bewilderment, I answered, “Beats me, Eve. I’ve never heard of it before. God never mentioned it to me. The last time I talked to the Old Man upstairs he said, ‘Adam, when you find Eve, be fruitful and multiply.’ There wasn’t a word said about penile penetration.”

“Oh my goodness me!” Eve cried out. “Why Adam, God said the same thing to me! He said, ‘When Adam comes along, be fruitful and multiply’. What does that mean? Do you know how to multiply, Adam?”

Shaking my head as an indication of a negative answer, I pulled Eve closer to me and began to ponder the predicaments of beginning a new species of earthly life forms. This is not going to be as easy as I expected.

As I pondered, Eve reached down and moved my cock into a more comfortable position between her legs. She was sitting with my elongated rod stuck beneath her with the shaft cocooned in the crack of her ass. My swollen cockhead was touching the entrance to the hole I’d seen between her ass cracks. Thinking of that hole sparked my imagination.

“Lord a mercy, Eve!” I declared. “I’ve got an idea about how to ‘multiply’! Have you ever noticed how the male animals in the fields and woods are always jumping up on the back of their mates? The male sticks his cock into the female’s ass and they mate. Next time you see them, they might have one or two little ones of their own kind tagging along. Eve, I think they are ‘multiplying’!”

“That makes sense, Adam,” Eve agreed. “God told us to, so why don’t we try it? I’ll get up on my knees and bend over and you can get behind me. Try sticking your cock into my ass and try to multiply me.”

While Eve was moving into a mating position, I began scratching my head and thinking. As I moved to kneel behind the woman, I said, “Eve, I’d love to multiply you, but I’ve been thinking. ‘Multiply’ is a complicated word which is too long and cumbersome. Why don’t we come up with a short, more-easily pronounceable name? Eve, how does the word ‘fuck’ sound to you? I could say, ‘Woman, I’d like to ‘fuck’ you!’ What do you think?”

Needing no encouragement, I hurriedly moved to accomplish this task. I quickly learned that ‘to fuck’ was more easily said than done. Something just wasn’t going right.

Spreading the beautiful ass cheeks wide, I aimed my manhood directly at the inviting asshole and pushed against it firmly. Eve grimaced and squealed in pain. I did, too. The tender head of my cock was burning.

“Eve,” I said. “This hurts like Hell! Your asshole is too dry and so is my cock. I can’t fuck you in the ass unless we have some kind of lubrication.”

Eve’s head swiveled around and she looked me directly in the eye. “Lubrication?” she asked. “Did you say you needed lubrication to be able to fuck me? Adam, don’t you remember me telling you the wetness dripping from my pussy is ‘lubrication’? Why Adam, I do believe God meant for you to fuck the hole in my pussy and not the one in my ass!”

Digesting her words for a second, I came to the conclusion she might be right. “Hey there, Lady,” I said. “I believe you might be on to something! We might as well give it a try. Maybe it won’t hurt too much.”

Redirecting the stiffened rod which was still touching Eve’s asshole, I lowered my erect shaft until it came upon a pool of warm moisture. The head of my cock soaked in this soothing vaginal spa. Drippy wet fluids ran down the entire elongated length of my manhood.

Suddenly, a remembrance came to my mind. Back when I was trying to come up with names for the dangly appendage between my legs, God’s voice had whispered into my ear, “Adam, that’s your ‘penis’. Don’t abuse it too much and it will make you happy.”

At the time this information was given out, I was too busy to listen to God’s words. I had my hand wrapped around my manly meat and was pounding it like crazy until it gave up its sweet orgasmic milk.

“Eve!” I excitedly exclaimed. “I know what ‘penile penetration’ means! God called my cock a ‘penis’ and I’d bet ‘penile’ means a stiffened penis. I’d bet the ‘penetration’ part is the joining together of a penis and a pussy.”

With the head of my cock already comfortably cozy inside Eve’s pussy, I went ahead and shoved the rest of the swollen shaft in, too. The female creature I was trying to fuck screamed. Her piercing yell echoed off into the distant hills.

Instinct propelled me to protect my penis from drowning in the sweltering wet hole of this woman’s pussy. I pulled my cock out a little, but then drove it back in. I knew I dare not stop pounding the pussy or the tight, groping vaginal muscles would squeeze the life out of it.

I was beginning to have the same feeling I get when I beat my meat with my hand. Only this feeling was becoming multiplied by many times over. I’d never know such blissful ecstasy could exist. “Eve?” I asked. “Are you feeling this? What do you think of penile penetration?”

“Oh yes Adam, I feel it,” Eve breathlessly whispered. “I love it, I love it, I do! It hurt at first, but now it feels gloriously good. Just stop talking and keep on fucking me!”

Without uttering another word, I kept on fucking my lady. Frictional fires were burning. Hotter and hotter they relentlessly blazed. Slippery wet loins raced towards the oblivion of sexual release.

Eve began whimpering rapidly when an unimaginable, magical, orgasmic delirium swept over her naked body. Her pussy began spraying my cock and balls with steaming female cum.

Eve’s feminine loins were a smoldering oven inflaming my manhood to release its heated testicle seeds. Boiling seminal fluids burst forth and spilled into my woman’s welcoming womb. The spewing eruption shook me from the tip of my cock to my toes and from the hair between my legs to the hair on my head.

Thick globs of hot, pressurized, creamy cum entering her pussy sparked Eve’s body into another fit of delirious orgasmic delight. She shuddered, she whimpered, she whined, and she cried.

My cock thrust into Eve’s pussy one last time and another spastic orgasm thrilled me. My testicle sack delivered every drop of seminal cream it had into my woman. I felt the last spurt of Eve’s female cum dripping on the shaft buried inside her.

Our climaxing eruptions finally ended. I sat back in the grass and Eve climbed into my lap. With her arms wrapped around my chest and back, she curled up into a fetal position against me. For a while, neither of us spoke. We were completely contented to let the orgasmic afterglow last as long as it could.

Breaking the silence, Eve softly said, “That was wonderful, Adam. When can we do it again? You know what? I bet we could do it face to face! That way I can push my tits against you and kiss you while we fuck. Adam, do you think it will work from the front?”

“It might work,” I answered. “It’s worth a shot at trying although I’ve never seen any animals in the woods and fields doing it that way. Let’s go wash off in the stream and then we’ll try it.”

After a refreshing bath and swim, Eve and I tried the ‘face to face’ fucking position. Surprisingly, it worked out even better than either of us could have imagined! Our entire bodies pressed together while our legs and arms became entangled like earthworms mating.

This time our love making was slow and deliberate. Yet, the orgasms we gave each other were just as overpoweringly awesome as our first time. Once more, we basked in the afterglow of joyous sexual satisfaction.

Hugging her tightly, I replied, “Yes Eve, this is much, much better and we can do it this way every day. But, Honey, I’d like to do it the other way every once in awhile in remembrance of our first time. We might even think up a few different positions to try. And, Eve, I love you, too!”

While we lay cocooned in the loving embrace of each others arms, an ethereal voice spoke from a passing cloud, “I now pronounce you Man and Wife. What God has joined together, let no power split asunder. Live and love together until in death you do part.”

Rising from the ground, I took my woman’s hand and pulled her up. We strolled along the banks of the stream and took a leisurely walk through the garden. After our strenuous sex play, we were hungry so we nibbled on some of the abundant fruits and berries. One fruit tree in particular caught Eve’s attention. It was located in the center of the garden and was loaded with round, red balls of fruit.

At first I wasn’t paying attention to what Eve was saying. She had lifted her arms to pick some of the red fruit. I had turned her sweet ass towards me, slipped my arms around her, and was juggling her tits and playing with her pussy. My probing fingers discovered she was already getting slippery wet again! My cock was swelling and jumping excitedly. I was giving some serious thought to bending her over and fucking her under this apple tree.

“Want a bite, Adam?” Eve asked. “I swear Mister; I think sex is all you can think about! Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind, I don’t mind at all. But, a man can’t live by sex alone.”

Maybe a man couldn’t live by sex alone, but he could certainly try! Giving in to my carnal thoughts, I pulled Eve’s ass against me, bent her over at the waist, and slipped my woman-hungry cock into her slippery pussy.

Standing there in the garden, I began mating with my woman with the vigorous enthusiasm of a wild stallion mounting a feral filly in heat. My thrusting manhood disappeared again and again into its welcoming vaginal home.

“This is good,” Eve said after biting into an apple. “Adam, take a bite and then keep on fucking me. Oh God, I’m about ready to cum again!”

Hell, I was about ready to cum again, too! Following Eve’s instructions, I took a bite of the apple and kept on fucking her. As orgasms began overpowering me, I recalled an ominous warning from God.

“Eve!” I exclaimed. “We’re not supposed to eat this! Didn’t you get the message from God? Oh, God Almighty I’m cumming! Hang on!”

I could tell by Eve’s whimpering cries she was cumming, too. Through orgasmic breaths, she answered, “Yes Adam, I got the message, but what harm could eating one little apple cause?”

See that after 4 years the bible totters still haven't commented. An why should they, after all the Old Testament is one of the most pornographic books ever written. Check out Song of Solomon if in doubt.

Meatus grateful to Moderators accepting author Jackass' humourous, informative and 'the rest of the story'. A&E shared responsibility naming their genitals. A's penis woke up in the morning with a swollen head; same as the 'rooster' both needed relief. The cock with feathers crowed; while the cock with pubic hair was fisted to ejaculate. E's vagina being warm and furry as baby pussycats was named a "pussy". There are vulgar terms--not fitting for this "Milton-like" interpretation. As in Milton's "Paradise Lost" Book IX". Neither took blame or guilt for eating an apple: Eve said, "...they look delicious...want one? Adam said, "I wasn't paying attention to what Eve was saying". Can't blame Adam. Eve asked, "Want a bite Adam?...Is sex all you think about..." He took a bite and said, "We're not to eat this. Milton tells us the snake told her to eat the fruit. She blames Adam for not helping to weed the Garden, had he helped the snaked never would have tempted her.