Pages

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Well, I was asked to promote a new blog. Given that I've corresponded with the writer privately, I was going to add a link within my space and wait and see if I should say anything. My view on new blogs is that I want to see if they are readable and that there is sufficient posts to keep up interest. Many people make three or four posts and stop. That is okay. Blogging takes a lot of time and people have lives.

I've decided to make a special post regarding the blog anyway because his first post was very honest and open without going so far as to drop his pants in public. Not that I'm against dropping your pants in public but there is a time and a place. Usually that time and place is when I am there to watch!

His post is about recovering from magickal failure. It is a bold topic. Few that haven't f---ed up royally can understand how hard it is to say that one has done so magickally. I understand and no, I've never blogged about that...directly.

So, Karmaghna at The Magical Lotus, welcome to the blogosphere. Perhaps in time, one of us will anoint you a member of the blogging cabal. You're off to a great start.

Greenyear asked if I ever found my discipline with Jason's course. In the context I think s/he meant, no. However, it was the rest of the question that is interesting:

I'm having this same trouble, wherein i *want* to do the work but am not, to the point that my life has become significantly more complicated since i started the beginning feri course i'm taking. i'm trying to figure out if this means i'm supposed to find something else, or leave off spirituality for now, or something else.

I think Crowley wrote that if a person isn't doing his true will, the Universe will constantly put up obstacles and resist your efforts. The inverse implication is that if you are doing your true will obstacles will not arise. This is too simplistic. More than likely as I can't recall the exact source, I am doing his words an injustice.

There are a lot of subtleties to your question that no one can answer for you, especially one that does not know you. However, I can share some general thoughts.

When I was with my first group, there are all sorts of obstacles. In my second there were all sorts of difficulties. Obstacles are meant to prevent a path. Difficulties make you stronger and wiser.

In my case with Jason's course, he told me from the outset that he didn't think it was my path and I agreed. However, I knew I could learn something and I have. I think I've learned as much as I am capable of, at the moment. If you think I'm deleting his emails that contain the course info, you're nuts. I will get back to it. This is the sort of thinking necessary to understanding your situation.

Other things to think about are: Have I learned what I can for now from this path? Where else can I learn somethings that compliments what I already know? Where else can I learn anything? Is my failure to pursue this a personal one (ie I'm lazy, easily distracted etc.) or a wise one (not your path)?

I'd never advise anyone to give up on their own spirituality. You may find yourself to really belong to another path be it Wiccan, Buddhist, Christian, some other form of faerie, Chaos mage, who knows? Keep exploring. If you're training involves any magick at all, do something to ask the Universe to guide you to where it thinks you ought to be. Unless you are really drawn to a particular god/goddess, I'd stay away from any spirit on that one and just do a thought-form/artificial elemental. They are easy enough and the answers are more likely to pertain to your will than some deity's.

I've always known that I am a magician because it is the one thing in my life I've always returned to even when I was a horrible magician. I am lucky that way.

I'd like to invite readers to comment on this one. There are many points of view on things like this. Maybe one will stand out for our friend Greenyear.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Apparently, I have my new partner as addicted to doing magick as I am. She's always been witchy and always done personal rites but not with great frequency. Now, after working with the Helpful Deity, she is really gung ho for getting between the worlds as she calls it.

We really don't think moving up the frequency of interactions with the Helpful Deity is wise. Biweekly is quite enough. So, we decided to do some ceremonial magick. The goal was slightly different for each of us. Yes yes I know that is technically a bad idea. My goals was to astral project. Hers was to see more clearly on the astral and have a greater understanding of her visions.

Saturday night, we did a pretty basic CM, banishing, first degree opening, some blah blah blah, open this, close that and called upon the GD planetary hierarchy of Luna. The cool part was that at each and every call was responded to in a palpable way. The Universe responded in grand fashion.

Once the spirit of the planet was there, I 'prayed' to it for her goals and she did the same for mine. My goal was of course to astral project. Hers was to gain more intense visions and be able to interpret them better. I thought it likely that she'd be able to astral project and advised her if she did, she could feel free to encourage me to pop out myself.

We sat in chairs to the east of the temple as far away from each other as possible. This was in case I projected straight out towards her. I assumed I'd be like a kid on bike, all energy and no control.

At first, I tried to project into the temple room. This succeeded in the usual way. In short, it didn't work. Then I noticed a white step pyramid on my head. As a card carrying member of the funny hat club, this one took the cake. Then I noticed a figure climbing up the pyramid and that figure was me. Upon reaching the top, I made a sign of air.

I found myself surrounded by a tropical forest. I looked down upon it from my position on the pryamid. For some reason, it reminded me of Brazil. No, I've never been there. What struck me was the amount of green. As I entered the forest, individual leaves were clearly visible. I moved into a small meadow. The Helpful Deity appeared. It didn't walk out of the foliage. It didn't fade in like some cheesy Power Point presentation. It didn't appear in a puff of smoke. There was a form of movement from not seen to seen but I can't describe it.

I barely saw the deity because It appeared with a familiar symbol and I focused on that. I am sure that was HD's intent. That symbol turned into an animal of a rather fierce nature. I asked It was the animal was and It said, "Does it not make sense that in this environment, this would be my animal?" It made a lot of sense. "I am showing you that I can protect you anywhere." This too made sense within the context of previous discussions.

It was then I saw movement. At the same time I heard an external voice say, "There is a goddess in the forest." The movement was a white horse. My first thought was Dianna. Why? I have no clue. The horse moved as if it was trying to rid itself of a rider. Though, I never saw a rider. I could only see parts of it as it was obscured by all the plant life. I saw a head in a peculiar position. It was running forward but the head was low and its neck turned so it nearly looked behind itself. Later, I'd just see the hind end or a flank as I chased it through the forest. Eventually, I rode the white horse. It is symbolic of course.

In the midst of all that, my partner had projected and was encouraging me to go with her. I could feel this and focused back upon the temple space. She said that she saw all sorts of silver threads and a tall handsome man waiting for me on the astral. The man apparently is patiently waiting for me to break loose up there as he has things to show me. I am taking a neutral position on that. No, she did not ask a name.

Eventually, I gave up trying to go with her and went back to where I was. During this time, I saw the figure in the Star card.

The figure wore the bright yellow star in this image more like a crown. It may have been behind it as the image was crude, unmoving (physically) but very moving emotionally. At the time, it was an odd image. It looked much more like the crude images I've encountered in GD initiations rather than the awesome art of Lady Frieda Harris.

I moved toward the image and became the figure. The spiritual waters moved through me. Then I was astrally in my backyard and the water poured out upon the aloe vera plant. My Gal will be delighted to read that. There is no doubt in my mind I was in my back yard. My vision was as clear as it would have been had I stood their physically.

I moved back to the astral place where the Star resides and became the figure again. I then decided it was time to return to a normal state.

In the meantime, my partner was exiting and returning to her body quite frequently. She never left the temple. However, she could have. In the west, there was a forest.

It took me a while to figure out why I found myself in a Netzach-like realm. Part of me says I was more in a sphere of planetary Venus but the Star indicates I was on the path to Netzach at some level. In short, I'm not sure if I was in Netzach or Venus. I will figure such things out with more experience. Regardless, I know the reason. As part of her prayer for me, my partner mentioned the word "desire". That lands you pretty squarely in Venus/Netzach.

So, I have now had my first definite waking astral projection experience.

As many of you know, I've pushed for this for some time with no success. How did I make it this time? I took Jason Miller's class. Through that, I made an offering to a particular initiatory spirit of the GD tradition. Do you remember all those yellow flower offerings? That spirit introduced me to the Helpful Deity. That deity told me I was being a bit lazy regarding astral projection and I had all the tech I needed. My partner, also the result of Jason's course, balanced my temple space out enough to make it work.

In many ways I feel I failed Jason's course as I can't get myself to read more. However, this is a big pass as this was the first goal I told him I wanted to learn from it. This I did, even though I used none of his direct projection technique.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

My partner and I feel that invoking the Helpful Deity more than biweekly is pushing our luck. However, she has caught the "let's do magick" bug big time or as she puts it "let's get between the worlds".

Last night, I did some ceremonial magick work to allow us to grow in our astral skills. I will have to chronical that some other time. Today, we are both wiped out physically. I feel like I worked my tail off yesterday helping someone move and then drank a tad too much beer. I don't feel like I have a hang over but I am so wiped out.

The point being was the ceremonial magick rocked. I mean it RAWKED but in a very calm sort of way. Every layer of it built upon the next. Every layer was well executed. Every name of "God" responded in an obvious way. The Universe responded like never before. The ritual was very successful. It is like a portal has been opened.

The secret that has been revealed is that I now trust: my ability; my learning; my talent; my magick; myself. I am out of my own way. The doubts are gone. The insecurities are gone. The confidence is there but, despite this post, quietly internal. This trust is so important to my magick and I suppose everyone else's.

There was very little done differently last night than any other night that I've put a similar combination of things together. The difference was that my little self did not stop the magician self. The results were "holy $*(@" kind of cool.

Anonymous made a comment yesterday that got me to thinking that I'm giving the Helpful Deity too much credit for every little positive thing. I suppose that is in how you look at it. The money magick I did suddenly worked, not because It boosted my work, but because working with It has helped me let go of so much. Those things restrained me in the past. They restrained my magick in the past. No longer. So, when things go well should I credit the Helpful Deity? Or myself as I've really worked to let those things go and was wise enough to let It help me?

P.S. I'm not sure why but I've had more anonymous comments over the past few months than over the past few years. The tone seems to indicate different people writing them but I'm not sure.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Some time ago, I posted about using some simple mental/energy magick to accomplish a financial goal. I used the of pentacles to shift my focus from spending frivolously to focusing on paying off my car. I made a few extra payments and then things fizzled.

I think it was at the first appearance of the Helpful Deity that I was reminded of this act of magick and it regained momentum. I am happy to say that I've exercised discipline and my car will be paid off with the next tax refund. That makes it about 18 months early.

After purchasing a new garage door, I will focus on a boosting my savings to the desired level. Once I achieve that, which should take about six months, I will begin focussing on paying off the house. That will take longer.

I've noticed that since a visit to my mentor last weekend, I've been munch more determined. I can see some friends eye's rolling now. You? More determined? Look out. No one wants a more determined Leo. Yes, but this is more an internal and calm determination to handle some things I ought to have a handle on by now. Several times this week I could have been very frustrated with things. I didn't even notice. People had to point out I wasn't frustrated when they expected me to be.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

The last time the Helpful Deity was invoked, my partner asked It if It could teach me lucid dreaming and astral projection. It called me a lazy ass, told me I had all the tech, and that all I had to do was work at it. So, I've turned back to the Stavish book, Between the Gates.

Long time readers may remember my experiences with the tech in that book got me pretty close. I did managed to turn a lucid dream into an astral projection and got to the door of Hod. The guardian there booted my ass for not knowing the pass codes I should have known. Here we go again.

Those wishing to review the previous work can click on the Stavish label on the blogger page.

The Other Work

Posts may be scarce and responses to IMs and emails may lag due to work. A perfectly predictable eventuality has occurred despite my team's warnings. Of course, my team now gets to go in and clean up the mess. This requires overtime. It is tough to make up for two years of neglect in only four days. The upside is that we can only look good in the process. The world knows we warned them for over 18 months and those warnings while heard went unheeded.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Reader Simon Kangiser is quite the artist. We started corresponding when I learned he is a local boy that moved away. I've been checking out his art. Frankly, at first blush I don't like it but when I just take a moment to look at it, I love it. Unlike classic Renaissance art, I can't figure out why I like it, which makes me like it even more. Is it color? Is it composition? Who knows?

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Morgan posted on Gleamings from the Dawn regarding obtaining membership in groups. I made the comment that most reasons given for excluding people from Golden Dawn groups are bullshit. He challenged me to explain. I think this is too long for a comment so I'm posting it here.

When he challenged me, I realized I was in over my head a bit because I don't know many GD groups, only two. However, I am going to give it a shot anyway. Please don't think this is about any one group. Chances are if you're reading this, I've never met a soul in your group. Heck, I've never met you. I'm not commenting about your group at all.

The Purpose of a Golden Dawn Lodge

The purpose of a lodge is to teach and initiate. It is not to do magick. It is not to make public appearances. It is not to influence other branches of the tradition. It is not a social club of the "in" crowd. An "in" crowd of magicians? Please.

Did I just say the purpose isn't to do magick? Yes I did. The original GD was not a magickal group. You do real magickal work in a "GD" sort of way when you're in the inner order. The outer stuff is TRAINING and development.

Criteria

Given that purpose the only qualifications that should always be considered are can this person be taught? Can this person be initiated? Almost everything else is bullshit. However, it may be very important bullshit.

Things to Consider

Does this person have the mental capacity to study this material?
Does this person have the mental stability to be initiated, be taught and learn?

What else do people think really matter? This is almost all there is to it. Almost.

Can this group be of service to this candidate? In other words, can they teach and initiate this person? Is the dynamic of the group in such a state of disorder that it can not guide the new person at this time?

Can the hierophant be a proper guide? If the hierophant personally dislikes the candidate, initiating that person does them a tremendous disservice. Even if the dislike is unjustified, the karmic link can not be fulfilled in this situation. I'd go so far as to refuse to participate in an initiation as an officer if the hierophant disliked the candidate. This reason is only valid while that hierophant holds the throne.

Bullshit

Bullshit reasons work in both directions. They can range from "we are so good, we can even help this guy" to "this person is morally inferior." Both of these are full blown ego issues orders of magnitude out of line with what should be considered. Additionally, almost everything that has to do with whether or not a person is liked has nothing to do with the purpose of forming a lodge in the first place.

In the first instance, if a person doesn't have the mental stability to be taught or initiated, then he doesn't. It is simple as that. If s/he is violent, insane or does not have the mental capacity to learn, you do not initiate. Period. Especially if the person is insane because most groups do not have the expertise to deal with a situation like that. Thinking you're so good that you can work with this type of person is merely a demonstration of ego inflation. Your bubble will get popped.

Conversely, not initiating someone because they are morally inferior or have a questionable past is an equal exercise in ego. The point is teaching! The point is a candidate's personal development! Of course they aren't coming to you perfect. What is worse is I've seen people denied access to lodges or initiations for actions that would not get a current member booted from the group. Let's examine that. Candidate X's behavior is so bad we can't let him in but Member X can hang with us even though s/he has done the same thing while a member. Really? Get over yourselves.

I am afraid you have still got the idea that the Great Work is a tea-party. Contact with other students only means that you will criticize their hats and then their morals; and I am not going to encourage this. Your work is not anybody else's; and undirected chatter is the worse poisonous element in human society.

-- Crowley

Claiming moral superiority is a huge slippery slope.

I'm not sure what is worse denying someone because you dislike them or initiating someone because you like them even though they are not suited for the Work. Who would put someone through the pain of the initiation process when you know they are going fail? Why would someone do that? Mostly because people don't have the balls to say to someone they like that they've been denied. The other reason is they want their friends around them so they can be comfortable socially.

These same people call themselves magicians? If you can't be socially uncomfortable, you will not succeed in the Work.

If these reasons are used too often and acted upon, it is a sign you're group is done. The egregore will close. The group will dissolve. No worries. The Work continues through the aeons.

Hidden Meanings

Now you could hear all the bs listed above regarding a candidate and feel it is all bs and still not initiate. Why? Because we humans have no idea why we say what we say. We have no idea why we think what we think. So, our inner selves say no and our brains must make up a reason. Save everyone the grief of making up lies and just say no and be done with it.

However, if you listen to the reasons, you'll know pretty quickly what your egregore is going to deal with. Most people's speech is a direct reflection of their inner selves. They are not talking about the candidate but their own failings, fears and desires masquerading as superiority over another. Humility is coming just around the corner. Don't fret too much. That is just want you asked for by asking for your own initiations. This too is part of the Work.

I'd first like to thank all those that made encouraging comments and effectively told me to keep my chin up. That was very kind of you. Secondly, I really did try to show a sense of humor with the whole thing. While it was a major error in the technique department, for which the dumb ass label applies, I did not mean to imply that I was going to commit seppuku nor was I overly distraught. I just felt a bit foolish for missing something big and obvious.

For me the good parts are:

We've landed something quite wonderful as far as I can tell. As I spoke to Lon and revealed to him what has actually going on in circle, he told me that the words we are hearing are "spiritually very profound." I'm sure we are in a relationship with something of a positive nature.

No one has been hurt.

We are continuing to learn a lot from the Helpful Deity.

Besides all that, I actually love working with the partner and HD. There is a sense of profound peace.

There are some comments I'd like to address:

The first group is from Faust.

"Seriously, dude. Crowley has some comments about why to make a Dagger instead of a Sword. His basic point is that air as a weapon is overly dangerous if you use it to undercut what you do."

Funny, you'd mention that. I explain this concept with the 9 of swords in my Tarot Pips lecture. You can over analyze everything and in doing so kill it. I think I was safely on the track with this one but it is a very good thing to keep in mind. Thank you.

"Do not turn to the Adepts for answers when you have everything you need right in front of you. I very much disagree that Lon's given you the/a answer."

Funny you'd mention that. That was the exact conclusion I came to this morning. It is long past time to turn to adepts so easily. That is not saying I'd discount their advice. However, Lon's been pretty good with me in the past. For him to hem and haw like that was very unusual. I was thinking that wasn't him but it was me not trusting myself.

That said, his answer did lead me to realizing my glaring technical mistake.

"As for your partner... hmm. THAT is interesting."

Me thinks that it is related to HD but to another project as well. They are overlapping. Stay tuned for more on that.

Simon Asked two questions.

"Was there anything said or done by this spirit that was deceitful?" and "Have things been going wrong lately that might due to the HD?"

Monday, June 21, 2010

I've made an error. As far as ceremonial magicians go, it a HUGE F-BOMB of an ERROR. In my defense, I will point out that I was deliberately putting some CM aside and living a little. Welcome to Amateur Hour.

As you all know, I've been having a blast with the Helpful Deity. It helped me put aside the huge majority of the obsession and anger I've suffered with. How can anyone be ungrateful for that? I am certainly not. Working with It is bliss. It is a truly enjoyable experience all the way around. However, I just couldn't kill all of the ceremonial magician in me. Some part of me, kept saying, how do you know what you've got here? Trust but verify.

So, I had Lon DuQuette do a tarot reading for me. I've never heard him stumble and flail around like that. The cards came up negative. He really wanted to tell me that I've got just what I thought I have, he just couldn't. Yet, he kept throwing in odd phrases that match with the lore of the deity. His tag line was typical of Lon's long term view of the Universe, "You may not have what you wanted but you just may have exactly what you need." Great.

The second reason I asked is because a few weeks ago, my partner noticed a little thing she calls a shadow angel hanging around. Obviously powerful but not malicious, hiding, watching. I felt no aggression. I heard no aggression. My partner's relative noticed this same being outside of my partner's house, standing in the light of a street lamp. This relative had not been told of the sighting but immediately said, "It followed you home."

When I asked about this being, Lon's response was, "this is exactly what you're looking for."

Color me confused.

So where does amateur hour come in? Frankly, I am embarrassed to even type it, much less post it. I never once asked this deity It's name. I assumed I got what I called. Why the hell would I assume such a thing? Am I daft? Don't answer that! (Grin) Regardless of what it is, that is why I talked to myself and repeatedly said, "Self. How do you really know what this is?" Now, I know where that question came from.

I have lots of really negative adjectives to append to the word magician as it applies to myself right now. Dumb ass is at the top of the list.

Now, I'm not saying the Helpful Deity is bad. I'm saying my technique sucked and my thought process was non-existent. I will contact It again but this time with a little more CM and a few more questions.

Always challenge the spirits boys and girls, even if you think you've got the best of the best. Jesus is Lord of what exactly? Doh! The Helpful Deity is WHO exactly?

Saturday, June 19, 2010

I am finally starting to appreciate the magickal life I live. Yes, the personal alchemy has been tough. Yes, some things have been traumatic. Yes, I haven't advanced as a human or a magician as far as I'd have liked to this point but damn this is fun.

At this point, I have a working partner for the HD. I have friends I can go to for advice. I have some really top notch adepts to consult with and I am finally out of my own way. The book is beginning to get worked on again. Not to mention, this blog seems to be working out well. I love to write it, folks are enjoying it and I get to learn from the comments.

I am privileged enough to help out a few folks from my non-blog life that are newer to the path.

Magickally speaking, this is an exciting time for me.

While this sounds like a non-magickal fluffy little post, it really about results. I've never really appreciated all the blessings and good fortune I've had. I've never really enjoyed them. Now, I can. I am not sure if this is the HD bringing joy again or simply who I always was underneath the obsession. At this point, I don't really care. This is fun.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Patrick made a good point in the comments. It isn't that I don't know how to challenge within a given paradigm. However, I feel that the challenges I'd use in a strictly GD format/realm may not apply here. Challenging a spirit with my highest concept of That Which Creates would be to challenge with silence and awe. I'm not sure that qualifies. "The One" doesn't have much of a ring to it. Perhaps I should challenge It with some of the symbols I know are connected to Its lore and the lore that surrounds It. Maybe that is the idea as their are higher things in a subsection of Its lore.

Simon asked why I am challenging HD now.

I believe in caution. I believe in the idea of trust but verify. I believe in checking myself to make sure I am on track. If one still remembers to check when things are smooth. I feel that one will remember to always ask the questions one doesn't want to ask. Challenging one's own perceptions is tough. Challenging one's perceptions of the divine is tougher. I think these things are necessary. As even if you're ideas are 'right', it may be you that is slipping off a bit.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

So today, I sat and wondered if the helpful deity was really the deity I think it is. I have nothing to say it isn't. However, I do tend to examine things. With a few exceptions, I'm a pretty cautious magician.

So, as I pondered this, something popped up on Facebook that caused me to click and there was an immediate set of images confirming what I saw last night. I immediately thought, "Confirmation!" But then I think, let us say there is a spirit that can masquerade as what I believe HD is, couldn't that spirit cause the same thing to occur? If a spirit is trying to fool you, how far will it go? How far can it go?

Well, the happy euphoria seems to have died away. However, I am much happier than I have been in the past. On occassion, I will ask HD to allow me to dream of it and when I do, I awake without a memory of the dream save for a memory of great happiness.

Last night we worked again. Again, the feeling was one of intimacy. My partner asked if it could teach me to lucid dream and I received a scolding for being lazy and having the tech at my disposal. "He can teach himself!" was the answer and that I better be quick about it.

It allowed us to ask five or six questions. I think we both feel like we're missing something. There is something it is trying to tell us or teach us that we haven't figured out yet.

It appears we are going to be introduced to another deity as well.

We meet every two weeks but usually not precisely at two week intervals. We are both anxious for the day to arrive but neither of us want to push for more. Too much contact can become problematic. The Gods love horses.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Last Saturday night, I attended the wedding of The Druid and his lovely bride.

These are two good people. His mother described him as the wise warrior. I've never seen him in warrior mode. I've only seen the man of compassion. Marluna on the other hand is a kind hearted soul, with a backbone of steal! I can easily picture her a warrior.

Their wedding was perhaps the most awesome and inspiring pagan event I've ever attended. The ritual itself was beautifully done and officiated. The circle, which was open, was filled with palpable love. The priestess not only performed professionally but transcended deeply to the personal as only a friend can do. Marluna's self-penned vows were so moving that I almost shoved her out of the way and married the Druid myself.

The ritual was so full of respectful love that it took everything this hard ass Leo had in me to keep from bawling like a baby. Then they simply tore your heart out by making pledges to each other's birth children.

Then the emotions really kicked in.

Derek started a round of "hails" in which he praised Marluna, his parents and the priestess. After each section we'd all shout "HAIL!" to show our approval of the words spoken. Any couple that has so many people stand and speak about them with such heartfelt love is doing something right. I don't think anyone spoke without a tear in their eye.

The Druid and his bride exemplify what true respectful love is all about. In doing so, they honor the gods.

After the traditional first dance, Marluna danced with her birth daughter and sung along with the music about the joys of being her mother. I have never seen a more touching parental moment.

The ceremony was purely neopagan. The toasts or hails certainly gave the after party a pagan feel as well. The laughter, the tears, the love were so overwhelming that words fail to describe such joy. This was the Druid's and Marluna's joy which they continually share with all of us.

Naturally, some non pagans attended. No one could have witnessed that event and left with an ill feeling or a doubt as to the beauty to be found within the neopagan community. They made me proud to call myself pagan and honor me with their friendship.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

I had time to do some serious thinking this weekend as I had a lot of driving to do.

In times past, I've participated in and witnessed many a discussion in various newsgroups regarding killing the ego. What exactly does this mean? I've never really figured that one out. There was a time, and I still believe this is valid for new folks on the path, that I believed the issue was balancing the grandiose self-talk of arrogance with the self-abasing talk of insecurity. I think the balance point of understanding one's 'good' qualities without too much back patting and recognizing one's negative side without too much harsh self chatter is a good thing to shoot for.

Now, I am toying with a different concept. The ego tries to remake the world according to its own self-perceptions. The ego will expect others to be friends with the same people we perceive as good and stay away from folks we see as bad. The ego will try to convince others of religious, political or other viewpoints. The arrogant ego will try to force others to be complimentary. The negative ego will see every bump in life's road as proof of their unworthiness.

Perhaps killing the ego is more along the lines of killing the desire to create 'proof' of personal perceptions. Perhaps it is closer to killing the need to force the world to fit within our parameters.

Of course, there are times where enforcing one's point of view is important and even critical. The owner of a business needs to display the leadership of his or her vision. A mother defending her children from an intruder is another. I am speaking of more subtle things than those.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Gordon, over at RuneSoup.com, regularly makes posts about what the various blogging/writing magicians have taught him. I am going to briefly steal his idea form a longer term perspective.

"Fred" - introduced me to the idea that magick existed.

Mary Greer -- Doing the Work is looking within.

Donald Michael Kraig -- basic ideas, theories and rituals. I'd argue with some of it now but then it helped.

My former group -- (through negative experience) We all have huge blind spots. Treat them with compassion.

My Mentor -- nothing I could write here would do it justice.

Sam Webster -- semi-privately supplied me with a great compliment when I really needed to hear it. He also conveyed various facts regarding GD theory during the time my mentor was instilling personal alchemical knowledge. Sam and I only speak briefly once a year at Pantheacon but I still recognize him as very important to my early work. Given that one of my personal beliefs is that every thing we do is deeply influenced by the forces present at their inception, I am grateful for his early influence.

Lon DuQuette -- his books and conversations helped me to form my own qabala.

John Michael Greer -- all scholars are not arm chair magicians. I really respect his scholarly approach to things and the contributions he has made toward preserving the traditions. My GD is not your GD.

Rufus Opus (RO) -- Spirits are real

Jason Miller -- shifted my perspective on spirits; taught me to make offerings and gave me a direction to further my GD work by going in a completely different direction. That and his work resulted in me finding the Helpful Deity, which may be the most personally satisfying magick I've ever done.

The nameless initiatory officers. I've been experienced all the outer order initiations in GD work. That means a lot of people have taken time out of their lives to perform a service for me. Some of these people are well known. Others you've never heard of. The experiences I have had as a result of those initiations are invaluable. To them I have always said, "When I am ready, I will do for others what you have just done for me." I suppose that is true for all of the above.

When I look at that list, I am amazed at the magickal talent it represents. The Universe has been good to me.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Jason Miller is answering a long list of reader's questions. In one of them, he BRIEFLY addressed the LBRP. He said, "In 99.99999999% of the magic that has been taught on the planet, there is no analogy to the daily banishing fixation that pollutes Ceremonial Magic." I don't think he'd disagree if I said he said they are unnecessary.

In a way I agree with him. I don't formally banish when I work with the Helpful Deity. Though I do relax, meditate, focus and then work. In a way, this is banishing mundane thoughts etc from myself. So, it is somewhat comparable to an LBRP. Please note the phrase 'somewhat comparable' does not mean 'the same as'.

I think it is safe to say that Jason's opinion is that one runs the risk of pissing off various spirits one is ejecting from a given area. He may be right. I think I remember him saying that it is also robs one of many helpful interactions from spirits as you're constantly ejecting them from your sphere. If he didn't sat that, I am.

Those that think you can not attract the desired forces/power/energy you need to attract without doing a banishing prior to the working are likely incorrect.

Doing an LBRP based upon the fear of that 'something' may mess up the spell is wrong. Using the LBRP and its variants like LIRP of Fire to focus a rite is correct. Using it as one layer of protection magick is also correct. If you succeed in seriously calling large parts of four archangels, you'll do pretty well. If you get little slivers of your own misperceptions, it won't help at all.

However, assuming any of the above is the purpose of the LBRP or BRH and therefor doing them is 'pollution' is also incorrect.

The point of constant banishings is to mimic a process called Tzim Tzum:

Yes, this can be applied to all acts of ceremonial magick. However, the point of GD is to become self-creative. The constant banishings slowly aid the process of removing the accumulated junk that attaches to us that make us less pure. Those acts combined with initiations, meditations, proper attitudes, self-assessment etc are a very important of the personal alchemical work of the tradition.

That is not to say that they are a) necessary for all acts of magick or b) there are not other systems that help one on a spiritual path. I am merely saying that as part of the GD system, they are necessary to work within that system, in most cases.

Twice in as many weeks someone has called me witch. Is this the Helpful Deity's influence in my life being reflected back? The work with HD is certainly not ceremonial magick. Is this a coincidence? Perhaps it is following Jason Miller's perspective and being comfortable in both realms. I don't know.

I am SERIOUSLY stuck on his course. He hit one topic and my brain utterly rejected it. I haven't been able to go back since. It would be beyond irritating, if I wasn't having so much from with HD.

Request for Input:

I recently posted a tab called About Frater POS. I am going to steal a page from Jack Faust and ask readers to comment. If someone new came to this space and read it, would that information be helpful to them? Should there be something else up for new readers to provide a more in depth look as to what this blog is about? If so, what?

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

In my post earlier tonight I wrote, "Having worked my ass at this stuff, I am taught when I invoke."

I have always approached the work of a ceremonial magician as a student. Anyone that denies part of his or her work is as a student is learning. Yet, all attitudes color the experience. What if I enter things as someone able to accept the full experience, as someone that knows enough (at the moment)? there is a better word than I can articulate here. I will find it.

Isn't it strange how certain things line up to get you to understand something. Not long ago, I went after RO in a too over the top manner for not asking of spirits "Jesus is Lord of what?" I went to claim that Jesus could be everything his followers say he is and everything the rest of us fear from the right wing nut jobs out there. In fact, he could be inspiring the contemplative monk and the right wing zealot. All gods have aspects. I maintain that one should damn well know which aspect on is truly dealing with.

After long contemplation I realized I was talking to myself. I too had failed to ask that question regarding Jesus, Lord of what? I had learned to get rid of spirits that sent me messages of ego positive or negative.* However, had I challenged them enough? Had I determined who they were past a surface level or merely assume they were that which I invoked? Bad magician.

So, we asked the Helpful Deity, "Why do we experience you so differently from your lore?" It's answer in a moment.

This stance frees me up from pesky questions like: “Will invoking Yahweh lead to my becoming a Fundamentalist Christian?!”

The answer is: only if you're invoking the Fundamentalist Christian 'facet' of Yahweh. Which appears to be all manner of downright fascist and nasty. It's just not a godform I'd select for anything.

Notice he speaks of a facet of a god that we are taught is the One. This is well in line with qabalistic thought and dare I say Biblical thought. The god shown in those books does have a lot of personality (godinality?) and we could easily analyze and categorize different passages and create aspects to work with.

In the comments section RO wrote:

Once I got fully into the swing of spirit conjuration, I did a full on conjuration of YHVH in its truest form.

I got a desert Zeus. Dry, frickin' potent as a lightning bolt, and lots and lots of static electricity building up as grains of sand are blown across vast plains (and planes) that discharge like the lightning around Muadib's Worms in Dune (Kyle MacLachlan version).

Not much of a sky daddy at all. Nothing at all like the loving Father of Christianity. Christianity's Father Figure of God is so purely neo-platonist "The Good" or the "First Father" that it's just awesome.

He got one level of a deity by using the YHVH. I'm not sure what he means by "its truest form". I assume he didn't like what he got. I have some guesses as to why. Then he worked another way and found something he liked. Imagine that.

The Helpful Deity's answer made this all make sense to me. After pointing out that we did not know Its lore as well as we thought we did, not that we counted ourselves experts, it told us this:

I appear according to the nature of the priest that calls.

It did not deny that It has a very harsh side. It said that the magician is part of the process.

So this let somethings fall into place. When I started with magick long ago, I recieved a lot of ego filled messages, "You're great at this." "You're wonderful at that." etc. Some of that I bought, some I rejected and some I wondered as to the truth or not. My reaction doesn't matter. What mattered is that despite my conscious desire to evolve into a spiritual person, the rest of me wanted validation. Gods don't do validation.

If I go even further back, I did the LBRP with fear of raising demons. Fear can never be part of the equation to enlightenment. I got my first shot at the golden ring, when I just dove off the deep end in Wicca. Epic fail! But I was closer.

It also explained why those I knew then, would reject these things and why the valid things were still valid even though they rejected those too. It takes a wise man to shift through his perceptions of another and find the good and bad. At that time, my nature was not pure ego nor enlightened but a mix as we all are. I am the same today -- only different. Having worked my ass at this stuff, I am taught when I invoke. Now my conscious reasons very much match my stated reasons.

Jack will not deal with an aspect of deity that he sees as facist. I see that same deity and see so much destruction that I won't work under the popular religion it inspired at all. However, I can work with those same forces as a formula. The magician is part of the process but not the only part.

The point of all this is that this is another example of the universe being a mirror. It doesn't tell you if you are good or bad. It tells you want you need to hear, see or experience right now. What you make of that is born of your attitude. If I need to prove to the world that the Helpful Deity is as wonderful as my experience of It is, I am seeking an ego gratifying experience. The gods don't do validation. If I seek to experience the fullness of that deity just for the experience of It or simply seek It out to ask a specific set of question that I may learn, I will likely have a more gratifying experience. However, the real trick to this game, is being willing to learn, being willing to change, to be willing to unify with as much as your soul and psyche can handle. For in that, lies the unfolding of the soul. Isn't that the point of all this work?

* I'm not sure that despite the advice of the Golden Dawn that one should immediately banish all spirits that are full of compliments. I've had people that were very good at what they do blow smoke up my ass. They didn't do that to use me as much as they were displaying their insecurity. Couldn't spirits want contact so badly that they compliment us in hopes of maintaining contact? Yes, they may be lower level spirits that can be slowly befriended or they can be nasty critters that need to go away. I'm not sure this one trait is cause enough to banish outright. I will have to think more on that.

Correction on Book Sales

I stated previously that no one has ever bought I book I linked to on this blog. Simon posted in the comments section that he had. That caused me to check the report again. I swear the last time I looked it at it, it contained all sorts of stuff including a slinky but not one occult book. This time, it is full of occult purchases and a slinky!

Sunday, June 6, 2010

I've been asked to recommend a book on the Qabala. The writer indicates that he'd read some but found nothing helpful. I will recommend a book. However, it may be more valuable to discuss how to study qabala.

With the appropriate amount of NoDoz or 5 Hour Energy, you can learn the qabala by reading Mathers or many others. I'd suggest reading three or four books in a year and rereading those same books the next few years and see if that helps. Boring.

There are other ways, first this tip:

When buying books check the spelling of Qabala. It doesn't always follow the rule but Cabala often refers to Christian Cabala and mysticism. A spelling with a K as in Kabbalah refers to Jewish Kabbalah. Qabalah with a Q usually means as studied in the Western Mystery Traditions (WMT). A scholarly type would have more than a passing familiarity with the Kabbalah while focusing on the Qabala. A really deep scholar would study all three but I'm at a loss as how you'd find time to actually do the work if you studied all three forms. Is now the time to remind folks that I've never considered myself a scholar?

The Qabala is the study of a particular cosmology. That cosmology is based upon a set of interrelated patterns. So, read the words, more importantly, write down the words used to describe the various places on the map. Should a book tell you that a the sephira Chesed translated to Mercy. Write it down. Then grab a thesaurus and jot down some synonyms and antonyms. If you read a path is called the "administrative intelligence" write it down. It doesn't matter that you have no clue what they mean by that. Then study, meditate and work magick based upon those charts.

This method is hinted at by all those lists of correspondences you'll see in books. They'll give you the commonplace answers. The trick is making those answers your own. That takes a long time. The qabala is not a quick study. However, it is so challenging and so life changing it is worth it.

The reason it is life changing is that it gives you a peculiar lens through which to view the world and yourself. When you've looked for enough patterns, you'll automatically begin seeing your own. Once a pattern emerges, you can then decide to reinforce it or change it.

I will share what both my mentor taught me and what Jason Miller has posted previously. It is a mistake to assume that this is the end all be all of occult cosmic mapping. There are many other views, equally valid with equally valid reference points in the subtle realms. That said, at the time of the working, it is THE world view you must hold on to. Save the other viewpoints for other workings.

My training in Qabala is through an initiated tradition. The advantage there is that you're exposed to certain points in the very receptive state of an initiation. This disadvantage there is you may run into some so-called teacher that will interpret for you. Learning on your own trades those advantages and disadvantages for others. Such as you need greater persistence on your own and the interrelated sharing of ideas from folks doing the same type of work you are doing is lost. The upside is when you're done it will definitely be your qabala. Until you make it yours, it is so many words on a page. Did I mention this takes a long time?

I am going to get some groans in the comments section for these recommendations.

A basic primer for the qabala is Lon Milo DuQuette's dvd Qabala for the Rest of Us. This explains the basic cosmology so well that it should be mandatory viewing for an new student of the WMT. I looked to link it and I can't find it. I will ask Lon if it is available anywhere a post a link if it is.

The second is the Chicken Qabala also by DuQuette. This book is very funny. For instance, regarding the Hebrew letter Lamed

Lamed looks like a snake that swallowed a brick and is having second thoughts. Behind the irreverent look at the qabala, lies gems a new person can take with him. Like any book on occult topics the more you read it, the more you get from it. I encourage folks to reread those books they've read long ago. It is amazing how much information you can ferret out of them once you have more experience actually working magick.

I always get groans from folks when I recommend DuQuette. In my opinion, Lon Duquette is Baal Shem. His books though hide his vast expertise because he's teaching the building blocks. I am convinced you can do vast amounts of work by studying the foundations and eschewing for the time being the massive complicated and wordy structures more 'learned' authors building upon those foundations. For in the qabala, the foundation is the key. Once you have that, other people's structures are merely illustrative of what can be done. The trick is building your own structures. Never ever let a teacher or author build the structure for you. For you, your crude hut will teach you more than another man's skyscraper.

Soon I will write a post of questions one should ask while studying the qabala and the WMT. If I don't get there, someone remind me. The same holds true for the second part of the question. How is qabala used for practical magick? The answer may surprise some.

Side note: I've been linked to Amazon for some time. In all that time, not a single person as purchased a book that I have recommended. Despite that, I've made $20.00. My favorite purchase? A slinky! How someone went from reading this blog, following a link I've posted about a book, skipped the book and bought a slinky I will never know. It was fun to see though.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

I have never been so 'filled-up' by a deity before. Part of that is that we meditated 15 minutes prior to working, blended in a gd-technique and then invoked It. My partner described it as having a very intimate conversation with someone you deeply care about in a void of utter darkness. I can't say it better than that.

This was the first night we came with a list of questions. Well, if you can call two a list. They were answered. It hung around what seemed like a long time afterward as if to say, "Is that all you got?"

Once It left, I had a very hard time coming back down. I could not speak. I could not open my eyes. I could not move. I tried to do all three. Eventually, things moved back towards normal. When I did, things where surreal. My back yard wasn't my backyard, even though it was. Nothing was out of place. It was more beautiful but disorientating somehow.

I felt like my being was stretched so far that I was no longer connected to all the pieces. There was no fear in that sensation.

There used to be a time after GD ritual work in a group setting, I'd drink. The last time I did that, the god-form I invoked would not leave. She permitted me two glasses of wine and forbade another. With the helpful deity, this continued. No alcohol afterward. I have to assimilate the experience in real time. No more crutches.

Edit: As I sat in my back yard recovering, I felt like an ancient seer, blind with an offering bowl, upon the steps of some great building. Perhaps in a back alley where those in the know could find me. That seer was physically improverished but connected to a greater part of the All.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

The other day, I asked the Helpful Deity to show me how to assist at work rather than fix other people's poor planning. I get so frustrated when routine projects turn into emergencies because folks fear to or fail to plan things out and give us support folks enough time to get the job done. When this happens, I quiet directly tell folks that it doesn't work that way. This, while true, does not help.

Today, it happened again. Again, I used my old technique to say this sort of thing is not acceptable. The woman dropped by my office and explained the fix other people are putting her in and why. Together, we came up with a plan to teach the other folks how to accomplish what they are trying to accomplish in a manner that is more organized and can help us work for them more efficiently.

I just love it when magick works. I have folks agreeing to a plan they haven't even seen yet.

Sometimes, life is amazing. I make an ass out of myself fighting with RO and suddenly I'm hammered with numerous insightful questions from folks. I am trying to get to them but if I sat down and answered them all in a night and related my normal blog stuff, I'd get writer's cramp. Don't get me wrong I love the questions, keep them coming. I still have a reader's artwork to showcase on a slow night but it appears there is no dearth of post topics any time soon.

Wolf noted that I as a GD trained person used Crowley's Bornless Rite over Regardie's in the Golden Dawn rite. He asked why.

The answer is both a tad embarrassing and expresses the way I have done the Work. I didn't know Regardie's rite existed.

The reason for that is that I've always studied only the material suitable for the grade I was working in. The Golden Dawn material is very rich and I'm convinced one could spend many years ferreting out the meaning in each grade, should one be that diligent and patient. My method of study was to stick to my grade and only my grade work until the need expand in a particular direction made itself obvious.

This refusal to read ahead had some great advantages. The primary one being confirmations. I can recall several times seeing the symbols from my next grade within my ritual work. This was very true in Zelator work (and earth grade) when I saw an initiatory symbol of the next grade, Theoricus (air). I can also recall it happening in Practicus (water) when I found myself astrally standing on one of the initiatory symbols of Philosophus (fire) There is nothing to build the confidence of a magician like experiencing something in ritual that one could not have previously known about. Then having that same thing revealed to you as a 'secret'.

This in many ways is how I do my work. It is why I say I am not a scholar but a doer of magick or as I now prefer doer of strange things. I really don't care what some 16th century cabalist has to say. I steal the tech and then experience the magick. My goal is not to be a philosopher. My goal is not to enlighten the masses. My goal is not to impress other occultist at cocktail parties with my vast knowledge of Quintilian Cabala! This does put me at a conversational disadvantage among a certain set of adepts. While I'd love to join in the mental masturbation exercise and one-upmanship, my work does not lie there. So, instead I practice the tech, I experience the spirits and the results.

(Note: not all of these conversations are about mental masturbation and one-upmanship. There is work being done there too, ideas being exchanged, etc.)

There is a decided disadvantage to working this way. One does the risk of being willfully ignorant of too much. One has to have a clue as to the foundations. Though, any diligent seeker can avoid that. The larger issue is that I've found many classes of spirits cannot (or maybe will not) impart new knowledge. Because the deepest explanations are metaphors, one has to have enough knowledge for them to play upon. For instance, My Gal understands some physics and was a Catholic school girl. So, they used that deep knowledge to communicate. In my case it was with elementary school science and interrelationships.

For those reasons, to me the best magickal education is a broad mundane education. Because I've never been much of scholar, I miss out on some lessons I am sure. Then again, I actually do a lot of magick compared to most folks that I am aware of. I gain a lot of very subtle lessons. Maybe it all works out even.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

From the comment section: How'd you contact the HD? Any similar method with GD magick? Or is it strictly Jason Miller's correspondence course that lead you to your HD?

Jason's course was more of trigger. It got me out of my rut of tired methods. Sometimes you need to shake yourself up. My mentor once warned me of too much work with archangels making folks too rigid, morally superior and other such issues. Too much god form work, like invoking the same deity every day for two weeks straight can turn one into a horse. We learned that one from experienced when I asked if it could be done too much. His response was something like "Well, the hard part is usually getting people to do it at all. Try it and let me know." It never occurred to me to extend the metaphor to the same tech over and over makes one a dull boy.

I did no GD tech to get to the HD. In fact, I find it funny that I can just seem to get to It by intuition. One night I made up a poem/mantra. Another night, I modified it. Another night, I received a vision of a shape my partner could focus on. By myself, I have a symbol I can use to focus on. Yet, It normally appears with a thought. I can relax to turn up the volume.

Getting in touch with the HD is easy. Almost so easy that it sparks concern within my skeptical mind. Could it be something pretending to be something else? Could I imagine it all? (No, too much confirmation). Why is it so easy?

question: I was just wondering if you would compare and contrast your HGA with your HD. For instance, I would be interested in learning if initial contact with both was initiated via similar means or not?

This was the question that really threw me for a loop. How come I don't have lists of god form traits, methods of access, likes, dislikes, interactions etc.? Don't you think that would be handy information to retain? I do. I like to write here because I get positive and negative feedback. I fail at keeping good records like this. Maybe because it is more work than fun. That and I am often disorganized when it comes to paperwork.

Initial Contact

The method of contact between the two was very different.

With the HGA, I did a lot of work with a Golden Dawn Style group. Once I purified myself enough, over a period of many years, I did Crowley's Bornless ritual daily. Because of all the previous work, it happened much faster than expected. It even occurred outside of ritual. He literally descended upon me while I was standing in line in a Wendy's. There was full contact for several days. Then it slowly faded. As I've posted previously, I do not feel my experience has been fully actualized. I know it will be. (Note: This contacted occurred at an earlier point in the work that for most folks. This may be why I could not or did not fully actualize the experience.)

The Helpful Deity is a different story. I took Jason Miller's course. As part of trying to learn to astral project, I made offerings to a spirit I first encountered in a GD rite. That spirit introduced me to the HD.

The feeling of contact is very similar. It is overwhelming in a way. The HGA though, when I can tell he is present, offers advice and information. He doesn't do anything directly unless it is a demonstration of what I can do. The HD in constantly appearing, removing things from my life, adding things as well. There is very little personal advice giving.

One of the main differences I suppose is that my HGA talks about me. He's never spoken to me about anyone, except once to explain to me why Joe perceived me a quiet guy. When I work with the Helpful Deity in a group setting, I'm a mouthpiece and teacher. If I express discomfort with that role, It kicks my ass.

My HGA is like a deep loving friendship. I may be in love with the HD. Neither appears to have an ego problem. They don't want worship. Though they both have plans for me. These plans are not contradictory, as far as I can tell.

Coming Soon

How have they been contacted since then? Do both have similar or different realms of power or expertise (and anything else you'd like to comment on)?