Before you read the blockquote, let me preface it by saying THIS IS THE GREATEST THING YOU WILL READ EVER. Proceed. TMZ reports:

Actress/model Estella Warren is in jail right now, after allegedly slamming into three cars, kicking a cop and escaping from the police station..The crazy incident occurred Monday night just before midnight. Cops say Warren was driving in L.A. when she struck 3 parked cars in her Toyota Prius. Warren drove away but cops spotted her and placed her under arrest for driving under the influence, though not before she resisted and kicked an officer. Warren was taken to the police station in handcuffs, and during the booking process she managed to get out of her handcuffs and then run out the back door! Warren was quickly recaptured. Warren is being booked for felony escape. We’re told she will also be booked for assault, hit and run and DUI. As one law enforcement source told TMZ … “She was really hammered.” According to the L.A. County Sheriff’s Dept. website, Warren’s bail has set at $100,000.

Holy shit. The only way this story could be any better is if it involved a samurai sword and Estella at some point saying, “Don’t tase me, bro”.