You are here

My mind was pushing outwards

Last summer me and a few friends had been drinking together through the night in their house. Lyra had been growing magic mushrooms in her kitchen and some of my friends ate a handful before we went out. I'd already taken a bomb of md so I just carried on drinking until it wore off a little bit. It was the closing night of the bar we had gone to and the owner hadn't given the staff their paychecks so they decided to take the place apart. Oscar and Lily went back after the party finished, tripping with their pupils almost as big as their irises and returned with two massiv speakers. The night carried and I watched my friends get weirder and weirder with their eyes glazing over and then gazing intently at something that I couldn't see. Then me and Olivi decided to take a handful each... The mushrooms tasted nutty and looked mouldy and gnarly. They were so fresh that it only took about ten minutes for me to start feeling waves of heat and colour stroking my body. We started to watch connan mockasins forever dolphin love and that was when our eyes began to see magic things. Connans hair came out from the screen like electric wires and the colours moved and vibrated and glowed.. The walls of the room looked like the patterns on the mushrooms we had just eaten.

It grew light outside and me and Olivi got sick of sitting in a tiny box room. When we opened the door bright gold and white and blue lights were flung into my brain and we walked across the road to my house puzzling over the alien cars zooming past at crazy speed. In my room the clothes box had exploded like a tube of rainbow paint and the gold light illuminated everything. I put on the music from Akira and me and Olivi realized we'd really been living in an anime all our lives. When I tried to put on some jeans I felt like I was potholing into a deep cave.

The journey to Isaac's garden was strange and mind-illuminating. The roads swelled and cracked and moved under our feet and the trees above us grew meters in minutes. When we passed a shop and the thought of water entered our minds we went in but forgot what the meaning of money was. I wanted to walk out with a bottle but I decided that it would make me paranoid. Olivi began to get confused as her mind detached itself from material and concrete things. I saw her eyes close as the cars around her seemed overwhelmingly close and understood that she thought she was dying. This was the ego death people had talked about. I remembered where I came from and my family and friends and face but not what it all meant and this was perhaps one of the strangest and most beautiful but scary parts of the trip. I started talking to her and said that we'd be there soon and we realized together that we were on a journey to the garden and that teeth meant so much in 'real life' but so little now; they were just atoms stuck together so you can digest food easier. None of that invented beauty mattered what mattered was the world around us and the beauty of our own voices and sounds and nature.

At Isaac's garden we lay under the dome shaped tree that looked like a walnut tree. The bird song echoed in our bodies like the effervescent music it was. We talked and felt our breath filter out of us like smoke as I made a hash joint to soften the new rupture in my mind. When I puffed at it the light cut through the smoke creating the most amazing illusions. We lay on the bug covered ground and Olivi watched a stick insect grow from some twigs. We could hear everything rushing around us and when we looked at each others faces we appeared beautiful and blotchy. Olivi's blue green eyes glowed and swelled so she looked quite alien.

The realities of human life and love and freedom and constraining society and money began to rupture in my mind. All I wanted to do was feel and see without having this physical attachment to everything. My mind was pushing outwards and trying to float around the world without being static. The easiest way I can describe this intense feeling if you haven't felt it is through a film - eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. In this there is a sequence where the two people move through their own minds and dreams fluidly and the world shakes and fractures reality. Although the feeling was not alarming (I've got quite a strong sense of emotional balance, if you don't try a smaller dose than a handful to begin with) it was strong and to understand it and flow with it I watched the leaves of the tree above me as they were moving and glowing like a kaleidoscope with fireflies in it. Nature was still real and moving onwards with me even though I was shedding more and more material attachment.

As I was puzzling the earth and soil moving around me and the intense hot and cold flow of air over my skin, Chandra and Blue turned up marveling over the beauty of the outside world and wondering why they had been sat in a box all this time. Olivi began to disappear inside her own head and forgot that she was feeling how she was because we had eaten mushrooms. I wanted to feel the warm sun on my skin so I wandered outside of the tree dome and sang to myself the most beautiful bird song I have even sung. The sun warmed my body. I was in a tropical jamaican paradise. I sat on a bench and watched mayan patterns grow from the grass.

Although I had taken md and smoked weed before and during the trip Olivi found the experience too much and fainted in the forest as we began to move on. She thought she had died and in that, as she told me later, accepted her death and leaving this world. Although what happened to her was negative at the time, it made her stronger and I was amazed at how she had come to feel about dying.

Later on after we put Olivi to bed, I began to feel sleepy and saturated with the suns heat. The trip came to a blissful end as I went through a light ego death in removing myself from and readapting myself to the structures and emotions of my universe, the only one that I saw truthfully. It took some sleep for me to remember that people love me and I love them - perhaps this was the mushrooms contrary reaction to the love and lust brought by md. The things I saw are forever in my mind and I will revisit them again when I next take magic mushrooms. I think that the experience of taking mushrooms is a beautiful life and mind changing experience not to be overused or afraid of as its effects are always positive even if one goes through fear and terrible feelings. Most often than not the bad feelings come from some negative idea associated with mushrooms (possibly attached by their incriminalization), or the fear of the unknown. But to many the unknown is the motivation to take psychedelics in the first place as it leads to a recurring of the beautiful exciting discoveries that you had when you were first born.