tiistai 9. joulukuuta 2014

What would I do if I was not afraid?

What would I do if I was not afraid?

This question has been in my head for ages. I think about it quite frequently and lately I've been bumping into it through the social media. Yesterday someone posted a picture on instagram with this question on it and last weekend someone quoted this on Facebook and earlier I saw it on Twitter too. This question is really reaching out to me, haha. So I decided to give myself inner peace by just writing about the subject and giving myself, and you some kind of answer.

So what would I really truly do if I was not afraid...?
If I was not afraid... I would speak about God everywhere and all the time, because He surely is worth speaking of and I just want the whole world to know how great He is and how much he loves each and every one of us and why people should believe He is our Savior and King.

If I was not afraid...I would quit school and live spontaneously- making all my dreams come true and going through the must do's on my bucket list, one by one, not in a specific order.

Kata's Bucket List:(10 things)1. Bungee- jumping2. Travel around the world3. Become a professional photographer (as a hobby)4. Be a part of ending human trafficking5. Get a drivers license6. Roadtrip in America7. DTS in Africa (Capetown) /8. Go to africa9. Get Married and have a family10. Preach about God's love to a group of people.(there's so much more, hehe.)
If I was not afraid... I would walk around the streets alone at night and think, without feeling anxious about the other people moving around at that time, or the creepy shadows and dark areas everywhere..(yes, I'm kind of afraid of being alone in the dark.)

If I was not afraid... I would be a confident singer and performer. I adore Alicia Keys' stage presence.

If I was not afraid... I wouldn't feel uncomfortable around a specific type of strangers and it would be even easier for me to get to know new people.

If I was not afraid... I wouldn't have to mind what other's think of me, or be afraid of being left out.

If I was not afraid... I would speak up more in the non- christian world about my opinions and beliefs.

If I was not afraid... I would dance as confidently at my dance school (Tanssiopisto) as I dance when I worship.

If I was not afraid... I would go to school and other public places with my pajamas (pyjama) on and not give a shi*.

If I was not afraid... I wouldn't worry as much about other people and the wrong directions they are heading and the wrong decisions they are making.

If I was not afraid... I would be able to say NO more frequently to people.

If I was not afraid... I would skip lessons at school more often and chill at home. But because if I skip too often, I might not pass the course, or learn the things I need to know to ace the test and that would make me feel a lot of pressure and I'm kind of afraid of a specific type of pressure.

If I was not afraid... I would do hard tricks while jumping off the diving towers and into the lakes during the summer.

If I was not afraid... I would walk in high- heels from time to time.

If I was not afraid... I would give people a million compliments without worrying that they might think I'm fake, or just trying to think of something to say all the time. I would give like 5 compliments per person I'm with each day. But for some, that would count as creepy or ass- licking.

If I was not afraid... I wouldn't worry about money. Just that I could do fun things with my money and not worry if I'll have enough to do something with it later.

If I was not afraid... I would drive extremely fast.

If I was not afraid... I would watch horror movies. But because most horror movies are based on things that actually do exist, then I definitely don't feel comfortable about them. As a christian I know there are "higher powers" and demons in this world and paranormal things do happen, so I see no wisdom in watching movies based on things that shouldn't be made "interesting" for people to watch.

If I was not afraid... I wouldn't worry about my future and what job I'd like to do for the rest of my life (to be a part in getting a good financial situation for my future family). I'd just trust God with the matter and not get extremely stressed when the subject is being brought up at school or at home.

This post is probably making me sound like a scared little kitten running under a large pack of elephants, afraid of being trampled. Which isn't true.
Yes I'm afraid of surprisingly many things. But when you think about it,- not all the things are to be taken too seriously. And the definition to the term "afraid" changes depending on the context/ subject. The definition to the term "afraid" can for example, be quite similar to the definitions of the terms "nervous" or "anxious". So it's not the end of the world type of "afraid." I'm talking about necessarily.

I personally think I'm quite a brave person. Brave enough to dream and chase my dreams. Brave enough to aim on treating people like Jesus would treat them. Brave enough to speak up about the things I believe in, from time to time (not always, and not as frequently as I would like to). Brave enough to be myself and not change my identity from the inside. Brave enough to share about God, whenever being asked a question about Him. Brave enough to accept requests to photograph different people and events. Brave enough to travel, brave enough to share about the things going on in my life. (sometimes maybe a little too brave and confident to do that, because it might lure in the wrong people..oops.). Brave enough to proudly be a christian. Brave enough not to follow all the earthly things going on like getting drunk and having sex...etc., but sticking to the things I believe in and still aiming on not to judge others. It's tricky, but I've surprised myself quite frequently when I realize how well I've actually stuck to the things I believe in. I'm brave enough to do and say a lot of things, but I don't want this to make me sound like a stuck up, ignorant, self- loving brat, that loves herself and her life so much that she doesn't want to have anything to do with anyone/anything else. Because I make mistakes, I sin, I love people, I cry, I hate, I get angry, I laugh, I smile, I feel good, I feel bad, I give up, I push forward, I forgive, I apologize, I lie, I envy, I love, I listen, I judge, I try to understand, I have a strong faith, I'm confident, I'm often uncomfortable, I'm nervous, I'm present, I'm absent, I'm quiet, I'm noisy, I'm spontaneous, I'm weird, I'm patient, I'm dumb, I'm distant, I'm deep, I'm emotional, I empathize too much, I'm loud, I'm quiet, I'm wise, I'm funny....

I'm a normal human being. I'm afraid of some things and brave in others. I make mistakes and have feelings as well.

This is a hard post to end with a cool phrase or something, so I'll just leave it to this.