My Cuzzie, My Buddy

My cousin Amanda was my Best Friend. Growing up it was just me, her, and her brother Stan who were close in age. When we were really little me and Amanda didn't get along at all. She was a year and a half younger than me, Stan was almost a year older than me, and I always felt like Amanda was spoiled and got special treament, so I was closer with Stan. When we got a little older, me about 10-12, Stan turned into more of a typical teenage jerk, and me and Amanda became closer. When Amanda started dabbling with drugs as a young teenager, me, the goody-two-shoes, pretty much backed out. Years passed, and Amanda got better and worse again and better again, in the viscious cycle that is drug abuse and rehab. When she was 19 and I was 20, she got out of rehab for the last time, and somehow we both found ourselves living at our grandparents together. This was the beginning of March, 2010. Things were good for a couple months. Me, Amanda, and one of her girlfriends became quite close. I still don't know what was actual friendship, on either of their parts, and what was justthem using me because I had no problem spending my money on them and because I could keep them out of trouble because our family trusted me more. But nonetheless, things started slipping after a couple months. I started hearing about and knowing about lighter drugs, but never knew she was taking Heroin again. On September 8th, 2010, my cousin and her girlfriend I had gotten close with moved about 2 hours away. I was planning to follow them after they had jobs and were settled in. My cousin passed away on September 17th, 2010. She died around 4:30 in the morning of a drug overdose, and the coroner didn't come out for nearly 12 hours because none of the addicts she was with realized she was dead apparently. Though I guess at this point I should be thankful they didn't just dump her body somewhere, it's still difficult to not be bitter. She was my Best Friend, we were closer than close. The Three Amigos. And she died because of something stupid, something totally unneccesary and completely preventable. And I'll never know all the specifics. She's been dead going on 2 years now, and sometimes it still feels like I talked to her yesterday. I am still grieving my cousin's death now, and when she has been gone for 20 years I will still be grieving her death and the life that was destroyed by drugs before being cut so tragically short. I love you Amanda, RIP <3