Reliving some important years

Every Friday we unite for five minutes to write on one word. Only five minutes, that's all we get, that's all we have. And then, right where we are, no edits or second-thoughts, we publish those words. This week, we write on ready.
Go.

Was I ready for you?
Was I ready for how many changes you would bring?
Was I ready for this life, this home, this family?
Was I ready to take on this challenge with work?
Was I ready to race?
Was I ready to be this person?
Most will tell you that you are never ready,
but if you wait until you are, you will never move, never do, never accomplish anything.

But what about those of us that become paralyzed with fear?
What about those of us that need so much more time to process?
What about those of us that always doubt,
ourselves
our choices
our decisions
our lack of confidence
our inability to move.

And so, I over compensate.
I make lists to be ready.
I get and stay organized to be ready.
I never miss a deadline
or a task
or have a to do that doesn't get crossed off,
all to make me feel ready,
gain some control over the fear.

I will never be sure,
I will never feel confident.
But I will also no longer doubt that I should be here.
Right here, with all of you.
Building this life and these memories.
Holding on to you, and reading you goodnight.
Hugging and holding you close,whispering I love yous.