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Monday, June 4, 2012

Baby Mac - The First Two Weeks

I can't believe I've been a mommy now for two whole weeks. Two weeks ago, I left for the hospital with a giant belly and got to leave with a tiny beautiful baby...it still blows my mind. They have definitely been the most amazing, most emotional, most stressful, most exhausting, most wonderful weeks of my entire life. I've tried to soak up every second of mommyhood so far, but I know with the lack of sleep, overwhelming emotions and raging hormones I probably won't remember as much as I want to. So this is my attempt to document Mac's first few weeks of life. It's more for me than anything, but I'll throw in some cute baby pictures to keep you entertained.

We were in the hospital from Sunday morning until Thursday afternoon. The staff at the hospital was great. There was only one nurse that we didn't really care for, and one nurse that we fell madly in love with. The first few days were incredibly emotional (and very hormonal). I think I cried at least a dozen times. Mostly because I was so happy, but also because I was terrified. It's such a surreal feeling to be handed a child and expected to know what to do with him. It's such a huge responsibility and can feel so overwhelming, but then you look into those little eyes and your heart melts and you know that you will do whatever it takes to give this child absolutely everything he needs or wants.

Those first few days are already a bit of a blur to me. I know that Ryan and I just sat and held Mac, staring at him in complete amazement. A little bit of me and a little bit of Ryan; our love wrapped up and incorporated into a tiny new person. We were humbled. We were in awe. And Mac was beautiful. I couldn't believe how gorgeous this kid was. His skin was perfect, he had great color, his eyes were bright and clear. He had my nose and Ryan's mouth. My eyes and Ryan's crooked toes. We made him. We get to keep him. He's ours. Unreal.

We left the hospital and brought Mac home on Thursday. It was a crazy chaotic experience. As prepared as we thought we were at home, we weren't even close. Since I had a c-section, I couldn't take the stairs, except to go up at night for bed. This meant that we'd have to have a baby station upstairs as well as downstairs. Ryan and I scrambled for hours getting the house ready and set-up and comfortable for our new lifestyle. By the time we went to bed that evening we were absolutely exhausted. And in true newborn fashion, Mac didn't make it any easier on us. It was a hell of a night and we didn't get much sleep at all. Mac had meltdown after meltdown, all night long. The crying nearly brought us both to tears. We were horrified - what happened to our sweet peaceful baby? What were we doing wrong? How do we fix it? What does he want? We still have so much to learn.

The next day, our angel baby was back. We had his newborn pictures done and he slept like a log through the entire session. He was perfect. He slept all day, obviously exhausted by our all-night scream party the evening before. But this also let Ryan and I get some rest too. By the end of the day, we were ready for our little "night terror" to appear again. This time we had a plan. We devised schedules. We were ready. But, Mac was a perfect baby all night long. He went right back to sleep after feedings, he slept until we woke him for food, he barely cried at all. Go figure. Every day is a new experience, every day is different, every day is an adventure. And I can't wait for the next day, to see what it will bring.

At our first pediatrician appointment, Mac was up in weight from when we left the hospital. The doctor told us we were doing a great job. That stamp of approval was the best feeling in the world. We'd managed to keep him alive for an entire week...now we just had to keep it up for 18 or so more years. Easy as cake, right? And just when it felt like we were getting the hang of things, Ryan had to go back to work and left me and Mac home alone. I have to admit that I was terrified of needing help with the baby and not having Ryan around, but we made it. I still can't seem to get anything accomplished during the day, which blow my mind. When Ryan gets home I still haven't showered or eaten or cleaned up or anything, but the kid is well-fed and that's all that matters. Seriously, where does the time go? Surely I'll get better at this, right? (please say yes)

After three days, it was so nice having Ryan back home for the weekend. We spent most of Saturday in a complete sleepless stupor, wanting desperately to nap, but unable to get the baby to sleep. He was up for hours - gassy and fussy and just plain uncomfortable. It is the hardest thing ever to feel so helpless and not be able to make it better for your baby. I had no idea that as his mom, I would physically hurt and feel pain when my child cried. When he hurts, I do too. It's an amazing connection. But then to make up for it, he slept like a log all night long. We woke up Sunday rested and ready to take on the world again. Down one day, up the next - the new story of our lives. After spending all day Saturday cooped up, we were determined to get out of the house and get some fresh air. We packed up the baby bag, the stroller, the dogs and everything else we might possibly need for an outing (which only took about 3 hours to accomplish), and headed to the park to go for a walk. However, Mac wasn't having it. Within 10 minutes he was screaming bloody murder and I was in tears. We couldn't figure out whether he was hot or hungry or what. We panicked and packed everyone back up and headed back home. Turns out he was just hungry...only 45 minutes after his last feeding, he was starving again. Once he ate, he was out like a light. So much to learn.

These first two weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster, but I wouldn't change them for the world. Despite the pain and the exhaustion, these two weeks have been the best weeks of my life. I still can't believe this tiny little human is mine. I spend hours just looking at him in complete amazement. He has giant hands and the biggest feet I've ever seen on a baby. He's super long and loves to stretch his legs out and spread out his monkey toes. He's almost too long for his newborn outfits. He makes the funniest faces when he's trying to poop. He squawks when he eats and makes little baby love noises in his sleep. He sneezes all the time. He loves to be held, so I hardly ever put him down. When he's awake he studies my face with intense concentration like he's trying to memorize it. He gets the hiccups every evening. He has fuzzy blonde hair on his shoulders and ears. He loves to dance to with his daddy. The tip of his nose is slightly cooler than the rest of his face. He sticks his tongue out at my when I give him kisses. I think his eyes are tuning brown. I swear he laughed for the first time last night. He smells like heaven. He looks just like his dad.

This is my favorite post you have ever done, so amazing that you now have a beautiful baby and I loved your raw honesty about what its like those first few weeks so much. I am sure lots of people can relate! You guys are great parents and Baby Mac is lucky to have you.

oh dear sara, i just love your new role. there is nothing like parenthood to bring you to your knees. now with an almost 9-yr-old and an 18 month old, i can tell you that some things get easier, some things get more difficult. :) and getting as much accomplished in life as before Mac? probably not, but isn't he worth it! :) i love you, your family, and your words,alesha

He is so beautiful! He looks like he has so much wisdom in those big eyes of his. Your first couple of weeks sound very much like mine- it does get better (though for me it took about 8 weeks to feel like we had any kind of structure to the day). It is so hard to figure out how to calm them down at first, it is really hard. Nora was pretty fussy and it took weeks and weeks to figure out how to calm her (even though she was a good sleeper by ~5-6 weeks old). We relied heavily on Happiest Baby on the Block techniques. Also, I'd look into gripe water- gets rid of hiccups right away (if the hiccups seem to bother him). Gas drops can help too- those poor babies' systems just aren't quite ready for a world of air. :) You are doing a GREAT job so far!! Can't wait to hear about all your experiences.

It's so hard to describe the miracles that happen when a baby all of the sudden appears, and yet with all of the magic it is sooooo darn hard to keep it together! I hope Mac continues to stretch his feeding and sleeps for you over the next few weeks. For us it helped to use the baby carrier Moby. If I had to do it over again I would use gripe water and I've also heard great things about The Happiest Baby on the Block. And whatever is going on - believe that you are doing the best job possible and that Mac is the luckiest baby to have you guys as parents.

He is by far the cutest baby I have seen since I don't know when. Good job mama (and daddy too)! You're doing a great job! I can't imagine the stress you must feel! Babies need instruction manuals! Seriously! The ONE instruction manual you'd actually WANT to read, they don't make! Not fair!!!

He's so precious!! What a great job, momma! Glad to hear things are going well. I ended up having a c-section too, but since we just got home yesterday, haven't had a chance to document anything just yet. Just soaking up the baby love. :)

This was the sweetest post and I'm glad you shared, even if you were just writing things down for posterity. : ) Baby Mac is sooo adorable, I pretty much want to put him in my pocket! I'm glad you're getting sleep and that he's everything you wished he'd be and more. I can't wait to hear more about your journey through motherhood. And I feel lucky to see all your beautiful photos of him. Congrats again!

Sweet post Momma! This brings a tear to my eye. What a miracle and what a handsome miracle at that! He's just beautiful! I bet you'll be glad you documented this later on. I have few memories of those sleep-deprived first few weeks!

The first couple of weeks were SO overwhelming for me! And I am on the same page with you - one day everything would go perfectly with the baby, and I'd think "this is so easy!" And then the next day would be awful, and I'd be in tears. It does get easier. Sadie is almost 6 weeks and even in that short time period, its such a different experience. :) You can always email me if you need to!!

AHEM. I'm going to reach through this computer and smack you for not telling me about the c section. WOMAN. I would've flown up there to help out!! Silly girl. But, that said, I do want to come see you guys and help out when Ryan's at work. Let know.

Goodness I love this little monkey so much and can't wait to snuggle him. And see you or whatever, I guess. ;)Love you little mama!

Awwwww, baby Mac is just plain adorable!! It sounds like you and your hubby are doing an awesome job! I promise it will get easier! It's a lot to learn but if there was anyone that could do it, it's you b/c your are Mac's Mommy. (doesn't that have a nice sound: Mac's Mommy?)I can't wait to read your next post!!

Wow. Just wow. This is the most amazing post. You'll look back on this when he's toddling around, talking and playing sports, and be so glad you wrote every single thing down. I love all the details in the last paragraph! I can't believe you're a mom. You're gonna be awesome. :)

This is an incredible post, I could read it over and over again! I am expecting my first child (a boy too) in September and truly cannot wait to meet him, smell him, hold him, feed him. . .everything you detailed in your post. It brought tears to my eyes to read this, I love how you write. Thank you for this!