The Tinder Chronicles – Why Do I Bother?

The people you swipe on Tinder are as random as people you see when you walk through the streets of New York. There are so many profiles to choose from that you really don’t matter to these people. You’re purely disposable. Truly, no one cares. Not only that, if you are an online dater you may already know that online chemistry in no way relates to real life chemistry. It may seem like you have much to talk about via text but in real life it usually doesn’t translate. As you may know there are different levels of attraction aside from just the physical – voice, mannerisms, dress, smell, touch, little things like that. Here are two real life profiles of men who I have met thanks to Tinder:

The Russian: May 2014 – Freshly single after breaking up with a serious boyfriend I turned to Tinder to soothe my aching heart. I started talking to someone who looked decent in his photos, typed in huge paragraphs and seemed interesting and well-traveled. He asked to meet up the first day we began talking. I didn’t feel comfortable meeting him right then and there but we made plans for that Monday. When I met him outside the coffee shop he was dressed in khaki pants, his hair was blowing in the wind, he looked pleased to see me as he looked me up and down. Then he leaned in for the awkward half hug I have really grown to hate. I could instantly feel that I wasn’t attracted to him. I looked into his eyes and they were a little too small for my liking, a little squinted, large nose – one nostril larger than the other, his smile was a bit twisted, he had a lot of hair. He made me uncomfortable. He talked about himself the entire time and I didn’t like his cologne. We went for a walk and I remember myself really, really not wanting him to touch me. At the end of the date he leaned in for a kiss and it was so painfully awkward. I dodged him and he ended up grabbing me and kissing me on the head. I didn’t want to see him again but at that time I didn’t understand how to say it. Days later I reached out to him again thinking I made a mistake in turning him down and he actually completely forgot who I was. Welcome to online dating!

The Truck Driver: November 2014 – I decided to try Tinder again and met someone who didn’t seem very interested in much I had to say. I’m pretty sure he thought I was nuts. He kept looking at his phone to check the time because he had to be up at 3 a.m. for work and even told me he still “wasn’t sure about the whole online dating thing” (thanks, dude). If I recall correctly I spent a lot of our date talking about how much I hated my job and how much I loved my cats. At the end of the date I could tell he really wasn’t feeling me so when he tried to lean in for a hug I just stood there with my arms crossed. Then I got a halfhearted invitation to his birthday celebration that weekend. Alas, he never spoke to me again.

I have now retired from Tinder. Maybe when I’m feeling hopeless and alone I’ll go back to it. But until then, I’m fine being on my own and meeting people the normal way. It never really works out well enough when you use an app to find love.