Monday, June 01, 2009

A year or two ago, I found this pretty little journal at Target. I don't really journal, and I had no idea what I would do with it, but for some reason, it caught my eye. It was calling out to me, so despite the fact that I nearly choked at spending almost ten dollars on a blank book, I bought it. It sat on my bookshelf, looking all pretty, this whole time. Still blank. Without a purpose.

Tonight, laying in bed with the hubby, I decided to write a letter to our baby. Then my mind flashed over to the pretty little journal, and I knew what I had to do. The journal has now been turned into a Dear Baby book, and in it I will write letters to our child from now, pre-parenthood, until it is filled. I'd love for our child to see how much he or she has been wanted, how often we think of him or her, and how much love we have always had.

I wrote the first letter tonight. I thought I'd share it with you. It's special to me, and hopefully someday it will also be special to Baby.

Dear Baby,

It's hard to imagine the possibility of missing someone you haven't even met. But I do. Hi, it's me. Your mama. We haven't met yet, but we will. I crave that day like a root thirsts for water to nurture its very soul. To hold you, cuddle you to my chest and feel the rise and fall of your breath, counting and kissing every tiny finger and every tiny toe again and again. I can't wait to sing to you a lullaby and rock your gray skies away. I love you already. Find me quickly, little baby. I miss you so much.

I think about you often... about your future. What you will look like. Who you will become. Will you grow to be tall? Will you share your daddy's and my love of the arts? Will you excel in sports? Will you want to be a doctor? A preacher? A teacher? A husband or wife... mommy or daddy? I dream so big for you. I have high hopes for you. Whatever it is that you want out of life, I promise to do everything within my power to help you attain it. But right now, my dream is you. So find me quickly, little baby. I miss you so much.

Wherever you are, whoever you are, and whatever you grow up to become, your daddy and I cherish every breath of you. You have us wrapped around your little finger without even having to try. We've been waiting for you and ready for you for a very long time. We've loved you even longer. So find us quickly, little baby. We miss you so much.

Beautiful. Funny you should post this this morning (well last night). While you were posting this, for some reason I was dreaming away about you, your hubby, and your baby. It was a VERY vivid, heart wrenching dream. It had a happy ending, but I do remember I was crying during most of it.

You were pregnant, but for some reason the baby came early and didnt make it, so I sobbed and sobbed with you. You named her Brooklyn. The for some reason I had a baby that needed a home (why I had this baby, I have no idea. So I gave her to you. Her name was Paige. Then I left, and you were smiling and laughing with her. It was a very long dream, very detailed. But I'm glad it ended happily.