Rules of attraction: Do we marry our mirror image?

You probably remember those phrases thrown around like little pearls of comforting wisdom. Yes, we’re talking about those clichéd phrases like: ‘opposites attract,’ and ‘birds of a feather flock together’. We all know what these phrases mean – or at least we think we do – but how much weight do they hold in reality when we’re faced with real people and real relationships? How can we give phrases like these an air of importance when dealing with messy, complicated emotions? And if they don’t hold weight in reality, how did they become so clichéd to begin with? Everyone knows relationships are complicated, but how often do we break down attraction itself? If you’ve harbored similar questions to these and would like to delve further into this thing called attraction, read on. There are many documented theories relating to why we get attracted to certain people. Instead of going into those theories this article will touch upon attraction in its purest sense – attraction based on emotion.

To begin with, it’s important to clarify that every single person in the world is different and no two people have the same emotions and reactions, even when confronted with the same or similar events. Therefore, there is no universal recipe for how attraction works, and it is impossible to make sweeping statements about the world at large. What we do know, is that people get attracted to other people for a variety of reasons – more reasons than we will ever be aware of. In the planning of your wedding you may reflect on why you’ve chosen to be with your fiancé when he is just one man in a world of many. You may even come up with several reasons why he is the chosen one, but what you’ve got to realize is that you may not be fully aware of all those reasons, and you may never be.

When the word ‘attraction’ is mentioned, most people will likely assume it is referring to physical traits and characteristics. However, this is not the case. Only a percentage of attraction is based on physical appearance, which leaves another big percentage for other factors. Some of the other factors may include things like how your fiancé makes you feel when you’re with him, and the level of respect you have for him. They may also be things like the way in which he reminds you of a treasured family member or the way he handles certain situations. What we’re getting at is that attraction is a multi-dimensional pyramid on which your relationship is based. There may be aspects of it that is visible to you, but there is likely to be some hidden areas too.

Attraction is not always predictable. People get attracted to people who may look very different to them, who have different ethnic backgrounds and may come from a country worlds apart from their own. Then again, there are many people who will marry someone who look as if they just stepped out of one their family portraits, and could be their sibling, with almost identical colouring and bone structure. It’s also important to mention that attraction does not always and should not always lead to marriage. Think of attraction as if it’s a spark. Paired with a similar spark, attraction can go far, but it can also cause danger, depending on the circumstance. But paired with a different kind of non-spark object, it will only burn a hole in it slowly.

To follow on from the spark idea, a good testing ground to see if your attraction for someone has the potential to grow into a two way relationship, is to first see whether the other person has the spark too, but then to see whether your relationship can be grown from the initial spark or whether it will become dangerous and volatile. Remember that essentially there are no rules for why and how we get attracted to people, and that sometimes we may never find out what it is about that person that magnetizes us to them. All we know is that attraction exists and it is powerful. So go out, let your spark be found, and may it only grow from there.