Should you be snooping on your family? If you want to have an honest relationship with your spouse and kids, Rabbi Shmuley says you shouldn't be nosy.

Snooping is a product of paranoia because many people are naturally insecure, Rabbi Shmuley says. If you want to make sure your spouse is being faithful or your kids are staying out of trouble, asking them directly is much more effective.

The super-confident person will have no problem confronting their spouse if they feel unloved or if they feel frightened that their spouse is straying, Rabbi Shmuley says. "We snoop because we are insecure, because we are paranoid, because we are afraid and because we, to an extent, hate ourselves," he says. "There is a lot of self-loathing going on in this culture."

It's time to start loving ourselves and communicating with our loved ones rather than snooping behind their backs, Rabbi Shmuley says. If you have an intuition about something, say it. Deal with your fears and don't inflict them on your partner or kids, he says.

Today's Shmuleyism
"Snooping is a capitulation to paranoia. Communication, however, is a courageous attempt to transcend insecurity and establish a real connection."

Published 01/01/2008

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