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Edward Teach, aka Blackbeard, aka the Commodore, plans to live it up before his possible death, starting out the episode by entertaining a number of young, naked ladies in his bed. Selima lingers outside the door and cringes a bit before stalking away. The Commodore hears the ghost baby again, which kills the mood.

Poor Antoinette. She looks crazy, like a rabid hound dog. Jagger gifts her with the drawing Tom Lowe made of the Commodore, her husband. Jagger offers to take her to him, but he needs her help. She lunges at him instead (because Jagger is pretty much just a terrible person).

Charles meets Selima as she looks out at the night ocean. Mmm-hmm. She insists he never tell the Commodore about their tryst. He says he can’t lie to his boss. Speaking of, the Commodore is watching as the sun rises in front of the lovers, silhouetting them against its light’s nuclear bomb–like emergence. Subtle.

Later, Fletch spies on the Commodore consulting with his Wildman munitions specialist, who sets off a super-snapper firecracker—that is, a flashbang prototype.

Lowe returns to a joyful reception from Fletch and Lady Kate. Fletch gives him the scoop on the gunpowder stores, and Lowe asks him to steal another boat. Flech: Why? We never go anywhere. This time they will, Lowe promises.

Rose awaits Nenna in her beach house and immediately demands more money. I really don’t get this relationship. Nenna acts like a fool for this gal, but Nenna is no fool. She’s serious as a heart attack, in fact. Get it together, woman!

The Commodore rolls up on Charles, hints at his illness and says Lowe’s the only one who may be able to fix him. What does Charles think? “Kill him and be done with it,” says young Charles. I don’t think that was the correct answer, because the Commodore then says something about never giving a sword to a man who can’t dance. Does he mean that Charles is perhaps not too sharp? I’m going to go with that for now.

Jagger visits Antoinette for some additional torment. He shows her a drawing of Selima and says she’s Edward Teach’s new wife. Antoinette throws herself across the room and literally tears at her eyes until they’re bloody. I’m going to leave that alone for now.

Back at Chez Commodore, the man himself sits on his pirate throne when Lowe shows. He’s surprised to see Selima, who tells him she knows all, and by the way, why were you arrested in Jamaica and how did you escape? Lowe is impressed by the speed of her spy network. Lowe says he was trying to kill Jagger, there was a fight, he failed, he’s here now, let’s get busy skull-drilling!

In a quiet moment later, Selima forbids the Commodore to have the surgery. He notes that he offered her island leadership yesterday and now she’s telling him not to get surgery that might save his life. Her teary face amply expresses that she resents the implication, and she leaves without saying anything more.

Meanwhile, bloody-eyed Antoinette obsesses over her husband’s image.

Selima tests Lowe’s medical knowledge, challenging him to name and describe every treatment that he perhaps could have explored for the Commodore’s illness. If she knows the answers, would she not have tested all of those described on the Commodore before Lowe’s arrival? In any case, Lowe resents her games—lots of resentment going on this episode. He has his doodad with which he hopes drill into the Commodore’s skull. He can’t promise the efficacy of the treatment. She dismisses him.

When Lowe gets back to his hovel, Kate throws herself into his arms and kisses him. He confesses to having been a king’s man with orders to kill Blackbeard. “A spy?” Kate mewls, then spits on him. James overhears the exchange and hobbles directly to the Commodore. But Lowe continues, telling Kate of the Commodore’s insane plan to bomb Jamaica, which will kill thousands, and the island will burn. He forces a kiss on her and begs her to come with him. She: James. He: So? She: Loyalty. Me: You’re arguing with your lover, Kate. You’re not allowed to invoke loyalty when you’re trysting.

James hobbles in on Selima doing a little workout routine: The surgeon is an assassin. She lights out of there.

Kate threatens to sound the alarm and busts a glass container over Lowe’s head. He knocks her out by smothering her with his bare hands.

Jagger turns up the heat on Antoinette, reminding her of Blackbeard’s past failures and misdeeds, as well as her ongoing desire to be with him. She snaps at his caressing fingers.

Selima leads the hunting party looking for Fletch and Lowe. Charlie, Nenna and James find Kate on her bed, dosed with wine and opium. James instructs Charlie to kill Lowe. “Oh, you can be sure of that,” Charlie promises.

A gun cocks at the Commodore in the gunpowder stores. Lowe requests that the Commodore come away with him.

“Please note my incredulity,” Fletch says to the band of pirate bounty hunters who come upon him at yet another boat that will not be used.

In the cave, Lowe lays out his plan to kidnap the Commodore and hand him over to the governor of the Carolinas, and so sorry they’ll hang you, but at least Santa Compana will be safe. He also plans to kill Jagger. Lowe makes the amateur mistake of standing too close with his gun, allowing the Commodore to set it off, rendering the early-model gun useless. Lowe and the Commodore fight, stumbling out of the cave just in time for the angry mob to witness the Commodore beat down sword-wielding Lowe with a torch. When Lowe is laid out, the Commodore says there’d be no profit in attacking Jamaica and that Lowe has been sorely mistaken in all of his assumptions so far. He asks Charlie and Selima what he should do with Lowe, but he already has the answer, offering Lowe a hand up: “Let’s go drill a hole in my head and let the demons out.” So that’s what they do.

Nenna had earlier slit Rose’s throat over her empty booty box, which Rose had followed her to. I knew Nenna wasn’t going to let that dysfunction go on much longer! She now tosses and turns over the letter Rose had threatened her with. Nenna goes to the brothel and starts rummaging for the letter.

Taking air near the water, Lowe confesses to Fletch that he made up the Commodore’s illness—he needed a reason to go to Jamaica! Who knows? The surgery may well cure the guy’s headaches, however.

Jagger’s last visit with Antoinette turns up a clue: a little riddle that leads him to the realization that Blackbeard intends to attack the Spanish treasure fleet. Blackbeard is going to sink the armada and create his own sunken treasure spot. They have to find that fleet!

Ghostly Antoinette rouses the Commodore: “The gift I gave is the gift I took.” He screams.

Expression Of JoyThe Brady Bunch: Groovy! The Bradys: Ritual hugging Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.” Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you? The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…” The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been) Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!” Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?” The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical ProblemThe Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen. The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed. Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents. Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer. The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical SolutionThe Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens. The Bradys: Bobby gets married. Married…With Children: They hate him. Thirtysomething: If only we knew… The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

Attitude Toward SexThe Brady Bunch: Never heard of it The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it! Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No. Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident. The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses FightThe Brady Bunch: They don’t. The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens Married…With Children: Tooth and nail Thirtysomething: They stop talking The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into TroubleThe Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette. The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair. Married…With Children: By committing felonies Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket. The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.” The Bradys ”Next time, ask.” Married…With Children: By the authorities Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face. The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For FunThe Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon The Bradys: Has flashbacks Married…With Children: Exchanges insults Thirtysomething: Talks The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved MysteriesThe Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die? The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use? Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other? The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst BehaviorThe Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

Best Reason To WatchThe Brady Bunch: This is what life should be. The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now! Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it. Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life. The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To WatchThe Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses. The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now. Married…With Children: She has a point. Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real. The Flintstones: The Simpsons