SALT LAKE CITY, Utah -- A new commandment approved by the Utah Senate of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints will require pregnant women to wait at least nine months before having an abortion. Utah State Senator Richard Shaft, who co-sponsored the bill, told UnNews that the law would ensure mothers have plenty of time to think over their decision. "They could still have an abortion," said Shaft, "so long as the baby is still a fetus after those nine months."

One of the strongest opponents of the new law is a clinic called "Bob's Back-Alley Abortions" located in Provo, Utah whose motto is "You make 'em, we scrape 'em, no fetus can beat us!" They have accused Utah legislators of cutting into their profits as they would not be able to perform a single abortion procedure until later this year. Unlike Planned Parenthood, for whom abortions account for only 3% of provided services, Bob's Back-Alley Abortions makes all of its money from fetus removal. "At a time when so many small business are struggling, we are being shafted by Mr. Shaft and his colleagues," said Bob Thurston, the clinic's owner. "All of the new Dyson vacuums we bought are going to go to waste now."