A laminated emergency procedures card. (Little known fact: the original emergency plan submitted by the department read "(1) Exit office and scream 'We are going to die, we are going to die! (2) Die." It was returned as insufficient, and this query was appended: 'What if faculty do not in fact die? Will bats be handed out to staff to finish them off?')

An ornate tea box from India and a hand carved gazelle from Kenya, both gifts from faculty whose travel requests I approved.

A package of dry erase markers that I take with me to my technology up the wazoo super deluxe classroom. They are in fact the only technology that works predictably there.

Two children dragged to their dad's office because the presidential primaries had closed their schools. Each took turns sitting at our office's front desk impersonating a work-study student. One told visitors to "Vote for Hilary because she has golden hair!" The other told visitors that Obama was the only candidate for real change.