October 10, 2012

I recently came across the fascinating article and insight into the Hotwife lifestyle on Fetlife. It would be great to get some thoughts and opinions on it.

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I have been doing a lot of research and wanted to share this with you all…

Introduction to Cuckolding
If you’re reading this for the first time and your husband/wife has just recently began sharing this idea with you, or perhaps it’s a long-lived fantasy only now receiving renewed attention, please continue reading.

Cuckolding takes what is perceived as the largest threat to a marriage and turns it into something that binds a couple closer together.

First, please understand and appreciate that for one spouse to bring this idea up to the other is an expression of love and trust. As skeptical as you might naturally be, I will take it as a positive sign that you are here to learn more.

I share this information from a man who has been directly involved in this lifestyle as a Dom for over a decade now he says, that done correctly, this lifestyle will bring a couple even closer emotionally than ever before – even for couples who already have a good relationship. Yes, it may sound strange at first that inviting another man into your marriage, and dare I say, inside the wife, will bring you closer, it’s true.

Why / How Cuckolding Isn’t Cheating
In short: Cheating is a violation of trust; cuckolding is an expansion and exploration of trust.

Cheating is so destructive because of the secrecy. Without being involved and aware of what’s going on, the husband is left feeling nothing but fear and potential loss. This is not the case with cuckolding. Husband and wife should share everything regarding this experience. When this is done within a loving, trusting marriage, the husband can focus on the erotic elements of such an adventure with his wife instead of being overwhelmed with anger, fear and doubt.

Wives have a hard time with the idea of sharing so much about their experiences with someone else. Their instinct is to protect their husband from such details, but for several reasons, these detailed exchanges are the key to happy and successful cuckolding.

Things Aren’t Always What They Seem
In our society, religion has imposed behavior upon us which restricts intimacy to married couples. I reject this, obviously, but not necessarily out of disregard for religion but moreso out of respect for our biology which was formed long before religion decided our lives for us.

As a species, we were wired very differently than we are expected to behave in contemporary society. This is one reason why this lifestyle can appeal to so many. At an instinctive level, polyamory is actually more natural than what we practice today. The odds are actually pretty high that one of you neighbors has or is interested in one or more aspects of cuckolding.

Humans being the complex animals we are, there are also other factors at play. Most of these are mental and emotional components that relate to our basic biology, but are also related to social norms, taboos and expressions of dominance and submission (which are a natural part of the fabric of human existence).

It’s a Win-Win situation.
Most of the couples he was involved with or coached loved each other and were very happy in their relationship, but were missing something. In most cases that was simple sexual fulfillment. It could be the husband has a small penis, lacks stamina or is simply not the assertive personality their wife fantasizes about giving herself to. Cuckolding allows this couple to experience greater sexual satisfaction while still enjoying the other aspects of their relationship. If you think about it, it’s much easier to find someone sexually compatible than someone compatible to share your life with, making this dynamic a natural fit for many couples who want their love and their sex to be fulfilling.

Why do some husbands become so excited by the reality of another man having equal or greater sexual privileges with his wife? It all comes down to our biology.

It’s In The Genes
Humans were never designed/intended to be monogamous beings. Marriage is an institution thrust upon us by religion to help create order and law in a time when we sorely needed it as a species. The development of genetics as a tool of research has also shown that most if not all of the species of mammals who were thought to pair (and by assumption) mate for life, in fact only pair for life. Our social structure was originally based on small groups or communities where social ranking was established through ritual, combat and instinctive traits.

Much like the social organization of wolves, our ancestors had a rigid behavioral system tied to the individual’s social rank and the perceived social rank of those within their immediate group. The male who becomes recognized by his group as their leader, becomes the alpha male and in these social organizations, it is then his role to protect the ‘family’ and have first right or even singular right of procreation with the females.

The remaining males instinctively support that right. The other males, the betas, have to compete with him for opportunities to have one of the females or try to catch a female when the alpha isn’t around to interfere.

Wives, when first approached about the idea of being enjoyed by someone else, often first assume that the husband has lost interest in her for this to interest him. This is quite untrue and quite opposite of the truth. In fact, it is the wife’s appeal to him and others that fuels the erotic appeal of sharing her.

Often starting with encouragement to dress sexier, the cuckold-to-be isn’t just wanting to enjoy her sexier look for himself, but instead, expressing his desire to experience the beta role by encouraging his wife to choose an alpha male for herself…and for their marriage.

Alpha, Beta and the Gammas Who Love Them
Males, be they human or otherwise, aren’t born as ‘alphas’. An alpha becomes such by being recognized as such by his social group. When a wife chooses another male for his sexual prowess or assertive attitude, he is ‘promoted’ to being an alpha male within that social group (marriage). On an instinctive level, the husband accepts his role supporting the coupling of his wife and her alpha male. That’s not to say there isn’t still jealousy and conflict over the situation, but all the cuckolds I’ve known have felt this arrangement felt ‘strangely natural’ once they became comfortable that the marriage is solid and rather than being replaced, he is simply part of an expanding ‘family’.

Marriages experiencing this shift in roles and the ability to express themselves sexually in a more natural manner find much more to share in and intimacy will actually increase between cuckold and wife even as intimacy increases between the wife and her lover.

Partner Options Bring Role Options
Many of the qualities that make an alpha male appealing to women also make them less suitable as a marital partner, which leads back to why young women tend to date males doomed to disappoint them from a relationship standpoint – their role isn’t one of having a relationship – it’s a mating one.

In time, most women will mature and beging to appreciate the men who are still attractive to them, but perhaps not as attractive as the males they dated when younger. These males are those who have a higher chance of being a good partner and father to potential children. Women accept the compromise of a good husband and less than ideal lover because it’s what we are told to accept in terms of a wife/husband marriage.

In a cuckold marriage, the need for compromise doesn’t exist. A wife can enjoy the benefits, intimacy and support of a loving, supportive husband while inviting a lover into the marriage who matches her sexual needs much better. In this way, the couple becomes complete by more matching the biology that still runs our bodies despite what we’re taught to accept as our reality.

4 Responses to “Cuckold lifestyle psychology”

This was a great artical for a cuck, but im a very dom. husband and i have a very good size cock.I have no desire to be cuckold. My wife loves that im very aggresive and controlling during sex, but i do enjoy the idea of sharring her. Not because im lacking with size or sexual performance and she has made it very clear that im not, but because i just enjoy the idea of sharring her sexually i think she is a very beautiful woman who deserves to have full sexual satisfaction and i have a very strong sexual desire to watch her sexually but not be dominated.. I have expressed this with my wife and she is just not intrested. she has made it very clear that she does not want to be sharred. So what should i consider my self i dont think i have a desire to be a cuck because i still want to sexually satisfy my wife but id just like to watch. were should i go from here.

I had wondered where I fit in the whole definition, now I know I am the alpha-wolf that allows the beta males access to my females. I like it when my wife finds a boyfriend, it really energizes her interest in sex, and we both have veto power over each others partners. Like the first poster I have no interest in being the “cuck”, that’s the role for my wife’s boyfriends.

@ “domhubby”, do you and your wife swing or date outside partners? my wife and I discussed poly/swinging for 2-3 years before we agreed to try. that’s the first step to watching/sharing your wife.

Yea, I’ve read the alpha male theory, but it doesn’t always apply. The Hotwife/cuckold life style doesn’t have to involve dominance. My husband loves me very much. Consequently, when age and medical condition started to slow him down he became concerned that his very sexy wife wasn’t reaching complete sexual fulfillment. He also has a streak of voyeurism which made the idea of seeing me with another man arousing. Finally, when we really love someone there is no feeling of ownership or possessiveness. Consequently, jealously is absent. My husband knows I love him and value him above all other men. So, having lovers is no threat any more than having friends is a threat. When he convinced me that becoming a Hotwife was an interesting lifestyle we agreed that everything would be open and shared, nothing would be withheld as being “private”. We both really enjoy the life style and my lovers have become my and my husbands friends. Neither my husband or I consider him inferior or subordinate in any way to my lovers. But, wow, do I enjoy the variety of experience. It takes a special kind of man to be a husband to a Hotwife, but he’s not always a beta male.