Greedy Doctors Light Cigars With £50 Notes

An aggrieved patient claims he saw a group of “greedy” junior doctors lighting cigars with £50 notes outside a busy A&E.

Mr. Tool, 52, said he witnessed this despicable scene after spending nearly five hours in A&E, after he went there complaining of a headache.

“I was completely fine yesterday, but I woke up this morning with a really bad headache. I didn’t have any paracetamol, so obviously I went to A&E. The stupid doctor told me it was just a hangover. I told him I wanted a CT scan to make sure it wasn’t brain cancer.”

“At the end of the day,” said Mr. Tool, “I pay their bloody wages.”

Dr. Reckless, 36, said he wouldn’t normally comment on individual cases because of patient confidentiality, but since he will soon be leaving for Australia, he “doesn’t really give a sh*t.”

“When I told Mr. Tool his headache was more than likely related to the eight cans of cider he drank last night, he accused me of being greedy because I was always on strike. He made such a fuss that the consultant ended up doing the scan. I had the last laugh though, because it meant exposing him to unnecessary radiation with the CT scan, which, unsurprisingly, was completely normal.”

But as he was leaving A&E, Mr. Tool claims he saw Dr. Reckless and a group of other “lazy” junior doctors smoking Havana cigars and laughing maniacally.

“I saw them lighting their cigars with £50 notes. Or it might have been $100 bills. Either way, it’s about time they did some bloody work and stopped complaining.”

The chief executive of the hospital concerned refused to comment on the specific details but did confirm that junior doctors were given free cigars as part of the new junior doctors’ contract.