sex dust: witchcraft for basic bitches

As the crunchy naturopath hippie that I am, just about all of the Moon Juice "Dust" collection has been strategically product placed in my sponsored Instagram feed and Facebook banner ads for several months. To no surprise of yours, I'm sure, the Sex Dust immediately piqued my interest. Naturally, as a sex blogger, I felt as though it was my moral duty to give a product called "Sex Dust" a whirl (also, it sounded like a fine way to write off the $40 for a measly 1.5 oz jar).

Sex Dust claims that it will, "ignite and excite your sexual energy" as well as making, and I quote, "all the right places" a little extra sensitive. Man, I can't wait til the day when everyone can just refer to the genitals like adults instead of using vague allusions. Aaaanywho...

Cacao: the bean that chocolate comes from, is often used to enhance mood and has a reputation as an aphrodisiac. So, it belongs at the Sex Dust party.

Maca: a root vegetable that's commonly ground and used as a supplement (kind of like ginger) to boost mood, energy, and libido. Makes sense as well.

stevia: probs here to make the concoction taste better.

Ingredients I had to Google:

Ho Shou Wu: a traditional Chinese medicinal herb that, in addition to many other health benefits, is said to increase libido.

Shilajit: this ancient herb traditionally used in Ayurvedic medicine is said to rejuvenate energy and desire and aid sexual function.

Schisandra: this berry can alleviate stress and improve circulation and blood flow. To you know... "all the right places." (I'm talking about erections, just in case it wasn't clear)

Cistanche: apparently great for sexual vitality and functioning!

Epimedium: Ah! I actually HAVE heard of this before. It's also known as Horny Goat Weed, which always used to make me giggle every time I saw it at the pharmacy. Because yes, I'm 12. This is supposedly also helpful to stimulate the libido.

OK, so the good news is that all of these ingredients seem to make sense. Please note: by "make sense" I do not mean "are completely safe and without risks or side effects." Fun fact: supplements do not require FDA approval, so use at your own risk.

The bad news is, in my experience, the effects were minimal at best. And the powder smelled and tasted similar to dirt. And not like, fresh I'm-about-to-plant-a-garden dirt. More like I'm-at-a-swamp-and-something-might-have-died-here dirt. But, because I am dedicated to my reader-peoples, I ingested the Sex Dust on several occasions to give it a fair shake.

The jar suggests that the user stir it into milk, coffee, tea, water, or a smoothie. The first time I gave it a whirl I put it in red wine because, well... I was drinking red wine. I'm actually pretty sure I put it in wine more than once. Because, well... I drink wine fairly often. I also - as suggested - stirred it into a smoothie, and also took it straight with water. (It should be mentioned, however, that I am used to chugging absolutely awful tasting things like spirulina and wheatgrass, so it may not go down as easy for those with more sensitive taste buds)

The first time I tried the Sex Dust I used the single tablespoon suggested serving and didn't notice any particularly arousing feelings, even though my boo is a total babe. So the next time I used two tablespoons (it says on the label not to be afraid of a double dose!). Er, success? We did get it on that night, but I can't tell you that wouldn't have happened otherwise. I was even feeling playful last night so took a scoop, and then later was completely annoyed when I was woken up for sex, even in our agreed upon say-yes-to-sex window. So, I would say that test trial was a bust.

Although I can't endorse the functionality of Sex Dust, I must say that the packaging and overall branding of the product is incredible, and I felt my coolness points increase as soon as I opened the Amazon box. The fact that it's made with a whole bunch of crunchy-ass witchdoctor ingredients will only increase the appeal for the Whole Foods shopping, yoga-mat carrying basic bitches. (Y'all, I am intentionally being ironic here. I am the most basic of all the bitches, and jerk off to Whole Foods and work at a yoga studio. And, well, bought Sex Dust. Also, you can't get mad at me referring to these people as basic bitches because I AM ONE OF THEM) The product also got a beaming endorsement from Gwenyth Paltrow, the queen basic!

Long story short, if you want to feel all sexy and frisky and in-the-mood and aroused, there are other options. That are less than forty bucks. Mostly free. Do those instead. Save the Sex Dust witchcraft for the basic bitches. You're better than that!