The Katonian Press: Ian Anderson Of Jethro Tull Wonders Why There is No “Flute Hero” Game

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Ian Anderson Of Jethro Tull Wonders Why There is No “Flute Hero” Game

Dunfermline, Fife, Scotland – For the life of him, Jethro Tull frontman Ian Anderson cannot wrap his brain around the fact that no one has developed a Flute Hero video game. “It just doesn’t make any bloody sense,” says Anderson, 62, from atop the flute-shaped tower of his Scottish castle. “They’ve got all these games these days that let kids live out their Rock and Roll fantasies, but they’re not getting the true experience without simulating the most important part!”

Anderson, without question Rock’s most famous flautist, has reason to complain. The majority of rhythm-based games to this point have only focused on background instruments such as guitar, drums, and vocals. Each of these attempts has flirted with greatness but all have ultimately fallen short by neglecting Rock and Roll’s most iconic lead instrument.

“I applaud their efforts at getting more people interested in music, but the real rock experience is only complete with the inclusion of the flute.” Anderson leans back in his throne constructed entirely of woodwinds and strokes his mephistophelian goatee while he waxes about what makes music really rock. “Guitar hero? Ha, don’t make me laugh. Rock Band? How could it possibly be when you’re omitting the one instrument that truly makes a band. Think about it: Can you imagine ‘Living in the Past’ being a hit without the complex melody established by the flute? Or how about ‘Hymn 43’? It might as well be a ballad until the flute kicks in and really shows you how true Rock and Roll is supposed to sound!”

Ironically, one of Jethro Tull‘s tunes has actually appeared in the popular Rock Band game series, one that is noticeably sans flute: “Aqualung”. “Of all the songs to license, they picked that one,” says Anderson, rolling his eyes. “That was a throw away track to pad the album. It’s practically a capella! The only way I can stand to perform it live is to incorporate the flute… as a guitar slide and to strum with.”

Anderson suspects that maybe there are technical reasons game companies haven’t produced a truly authentic Rock and Roll gaming experience. To address this, he has leveraged his seemingly infinite resources and developed a prototype that he hopes will revolutionize rhythm games. Blowing a short but complex command on his flute, he summons a handful of diminutive servants, ordering them to bring forth his radical peripheral design. Not surprisingly, it resembles a flute, with a pressure sensitive “blow” switch and color-coded buttons for playing notes. “After all,” says Anderson, “buttons on a flute make much more sense than on a guitar!” In addition he has produced an accessory about the size of a bathroom scale, bearing some resemblance to the Nintendo Wii Balance Board. “This is for expert players,” he explains, “so that they can really play the authentic way: on one foot!”

Anderson plans to begin marketing his “Flute Hero” game and accessories immediately, hoping to have it in stores in time for Christmas. “Kids want to flute,” says Anderson, his passion bordering on fanaticism. “It’s in their soul.”

27 Responses to The Katonian Press: Ian Anderson Of Jethro Tull Wonders Why There is No “Flute Hero” Game

Mr Anderson is Living in the Past. He’s obviously Too Old to Rock and Roll, but Too Young to Die, and just as obviously Thick as a Brick. Mother Goose would make more sense as a game. Any studio would have to make a Witch’s Promise just to get this Cross-Eyed Mary’s idea off the ground. Someone bring me my Broadsword, I feel a Cold Wind To Valhalla blowing, I hear some Heavy Horses, Mayhem, Maybe, and I’m gonna hit him like a Sealion.

I suspect EA will option the technology and insist that everyone in the household buy their own controller. Mad Catz will respond by creating an add-on “flute condom”, which will be cheaper to buy than multiple controllers, but will be of poor design and break often.

Personally I think work should continue on the newest game in the series, “Guitar Hero Hero”. In it, you play various songs on plastic instruments to the various songs that come bundled with Guitar Hero by using plastic instruments to play the various songs displayed on the television in the game on your television. You tap coloured buttons in order to tap coloured buttons on the game, each coloured button representing a corresponding coloured button on your instrument in the game.

Imagine having all the fun of Guitar Hero; Playing pre-recorded songs to fictional audiences, playing along with your Guitar Hero band, acing all songs on extreme… Imagine having the full Guitar Hero experience in your own living room!

Singleplayer mode is pretty simple; You play your plastic instruments to control plastic instruments to earn “money” in order to purchase other instrument types which you then play to play to pay to play to pay and play and pay for friends to pay to play and pay to play songs which you pay to listen to to pay to listen to. Multiplayer is slightly more complicated.

Guitar Hero Hero; Coming to a Metaphysical Videogame Videogame store store near near you you!