Salmond “We’ll keep the pound even if it means joining the United Kingdom”

Scotland’s First Minister Alex Salmond has said that Scotland will keep the pound even if it means joining the United Kingdom to do it.

Speaking at a packed press conference Mr Salmond explained “It is Scotland’s pound. It doesn’t belong to George Osborne, it doesn’t belong to Ed Balls. It’s ours and we are keeping it. And in the event of an independent Scotland being denied the pound then we will just rejoin the United Kingdom and then they’ll have to let us have it.”

However Mr Salmon’s obsession with sterling has possibly not gone down as well as hoped in the yes camp.

One campaigner told us “He simply refuses to recognise any other currency. He’s a bloody nightmare to go on holiday with as whether he’s in France or Spain he will still only deal in sterling. So we just end up getting sworn at and thrown out of restaurants. Every single day.”

Meanwhile, Deputy Scottish First Minister Nicola Sturgeon launched a new poster campaign, arguing that a vote for independence was Scotland’s “one opportunity” to ditch the pound and invent a new currency.”When else would you get a chance to invent new money? We could call it the Bungadoo. There’d be five Fuck Trumpets in each Bungadoo and each Fuck Trumpet would consist of 12.5 Piddles, just like old money” she explained.

However, Mr Salmond has told critics he is confident that his wallet will still be filled with British pounds after the referendum in September.

“If I can’t have the pound in Scotland and we can’t rejoin the United Kingdom then I’ll move to England. Then they’ll really have to let me have the pound. The wankers.” he explained.