Sorry . I just cannot imagine why he has targeted you. I'm reminded of little boys who pull the hair and tease little girls they like. I know he's married, but he just comes across (the way you describe him) that way to me.

Logged

If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.  Catherine Aird

"John-Lisa's hair is naturally curly.Other person-I know. I told her I wished my hair was curly as hers.John (looking at me)-she doesn't color it either. (Lisa's hair is brown)""Oh, DO tell me all about Lisas hair!"

Felica, it sounds to me like Lisa has told her dh some prety unflattering things about you. Specifically, I think she has probably told him that you "think you're better than her" and things like that. And so he has made it his goal in life to disabuse you of that notion. The man's a Class A Jerk, that's for sure. But Lisa is not innocent in this. She's no friend to you, and I'd bet a million dollars she's the driving force behind his behavior.

You say there's no way to avoid these people, but I think you need to find one. Even if it involves turning on your heel and walking in the other direction, refusing to sit at the same table, etc.

GreenGables

I've found that this works well with people who consistently try to make other people look and feel foolish. Spectators will only notice the loud person and not the other one, and it turns the tables on the jerk. Here's a bit of sample dialog to illustrate:

John: Lisa is so much prettier, smarter, and more talented than other women.Felica: Hmm? I didn't catch that.John (a bit slower): I said, Lisa is so much prettier, smarter, and more talented than other women.Felica: I'm sorry, John, I think this wind is drowning you out. Could you please repeat that?John (loud and very slow): I SAID, LISA IS SO MUCH PRETTIER, SMARTER, AND MORE TALENTED THAN OTHER WOMEN.Felica: Gosh this is embarrassing, but I just can't understand what you're saying. Could you say that just one more time?

At this point, he'll either have to shut up or everyone around will be staring at him. It's easier to do it than it is to explain it, so you'll need to actually do this to see how effective it is. You might also try answering as though he just said something about the weather or his bunions. Add a tolerant, sympathetic smile to finish.

Sorry, Felica, but this occurred to me, too, and I'm not one to automatically ascribe behaviors to jealousy. He's SO focused on you and obviously wants attention from you, whether it's positive or negative. He's using the ham-handed flirting techniques of an 8 year-old boy.

There's a couple more ideas for the persistent offender like this, depending on which you can pull off most convincingly.

1) The blank, slightly bemused stare. The one that says, "I'm not going to dignify that with a response." It helps if you can raise just one eyebrow.

2) The effusive agreement. "Oh, yes, I agree completely! That's what I like too!" "That is so much better than anything I can do!" "That is just absolutely the greatest -- I wish I could be like that!" "I am so lucky my DH manages to put up with me, and doesn't mind HOW I look!"

3) The expression that says, "You are pretending to insult me because you are desperately in love with me and don't want to let on. I understand. Poor little boy."

4) "Your wife is a very lucky woman, to have a guy like you," said with complete and obvious insincerity.

Just out of curiosity, did Lisa hear his comments to you? If so, how did she react? I would be mortified if my DH did that (even if it was complimenting me). I agree with the others that Lisa may have said something negative about you to her DH.

Felic, it sounds to me like Lisa has told her DH some pretty unflattering things about you. Specifically, I think she has probably told him that you "think you're better than her" and things like that. And so he has made it his goal in life to disabuse you of that notion. The man's a Class A Jerk, that's for sure. But Lisa is not innocent in this. She's no friend to you, and I'd bet a million dollars she's the driving force behind his behavior.

You say there's no way to avoid these people, but I think you need to find one. Even if it involves turning on your heel and walking in the other direction, refusing to sit at the same table, etc.

I admire your ability to stay cool, though.

ITA

I was thinking the same thing since he targets you and only you i have a feeling that Lisa has a lot to do with especially since she just has a huge grin when he is saying thous things. Next time i saw him i would make negative comments about him while complementing your DH and see how he likes it