Pa, I love u, we all love u!

by Grace
(Malaysia)

I come from a big family and in our culture and our generation, we never express our love to one another. We never utter the words 'love u pa' even though we may express our respect or love to our parents through deeds or gifts on occasions.

My father passed away on 12.11.2012 and when I received the call that morning, saying father was not doing well and had to be taken home, I just couldn't believe and accept the news. I repeatedly asked "u mean he is gone? He is no more here?" I was even reluctant to use the word "died"! Why? How could it be!? Just in less than 12 hours ago, he was still talking to me, reading news papers that I was holding for him in the hospital.

I rushed back, yes, my father had passed away.

After coming back from his funeral, life had not been easy for me.I miss my father a lot. I think I went through depression. I blamed myself for not spending more time with him, I blamed myself for not doing more for him (I stay in another town and have children- bad excuse?) I regretted not telling my father we all love him. I cried to sleep many nights. I still often look at his photos, especially those taken when he was sick in the hospital.

I love you pa, we all love you! You are a great father. i pray you are with God in Heaven.

Comments for Pa, I love u, we all love u!

Joseph, thank you for your encouraging comments and advice. Yes, I think all parents are able to see their children's love intuitively. I also wish you get over it soon and move on in your life while we still remember our parents dearly in our mind.

May 31, 2013

Pa, I love u, we all love u!by: Grace

Dear Doreen,Thank u for your comforting words and advice. Yes, I am aware we are human and we are not perfect. I also know it is not healthy to dwell in the shadow of regrets. But the realization of the FACT that my father is forever gone, even if I have the whole world of time to visit him, he is not there anymore! It is that sense of lose, irrevocable lose that saddens me. The feeling of the whole world is still in front of me but I just can't turn back the clock and have more precious time with my father. Yes, I think parents can feel and see their children's love but I still wish him to hear 'I love you, pa! We all love you. Thank you for all your unspoken love and care to bring us up.

May 31, 2013

You sound like meby: Joseph

I lost my mother recently, your words struck a cord with me...we also never said "I love you".

Hope your better now, in time I should be too. I know I was a good son to her and you sound like me so I'm sure your papa was very pleased with you :)

May 31, 2013

Pa, I love u, we all love u!by: Doreen U.K.

Grace I am sorry for your loss of your father to a sudden death. Depression can creep up slowly on us when we lose someone significant from our life. It is part of grief to suddenly find ourselves feeling guilty for not telling our loved one more that we loved them, and also guilt for so many other things we suddenly remember that assault our spirit at such a time. It usually passes. If this guilt does not go then perhaps seeing a grief counsellor for a few sessions can sort out this problem. We can often also be stuck in grief and unable to move on. But the most common problem of grief is to feel numb and be in denial. It took me 9 months to thaw out from being frozen with grief. Grief is not something you can force. It almost unwinds by itself as memories intrude into our mind. Even situations on a daily basis can trigger off grief. But this is not a bad thing as this is how we Heal from our loss.Don't beat yourself up for your shortcomings. We live busy lives and if you have children they have so many demands that it is impossible to do everything we want to do. Which is why it then becomes a family responsibility and not so much just yours. Everyone sharing the responsibility. You are not making excuses for not doing more for your father. I am in the same position. I lost my husband of 44yrs. 1yr ago to cancer and I HAVE 3 Adult children all living their own lives and I cannot make demands on them. It wouldn't be fair. Life is more stressful now and the demands on time is great so you can only do what you are able to do. WE all have our limitations. WE also all have our regrets. It is part of life. Those horrible feelings should disappear in time. But we all have them. Grief assaults us. If your culture was not one that demonstrates love but more being respectful then you have nothing to be angry for not saying I LOVE YOU Pa. This would have been understood almost in SILENT LANGUAGE. Your father would have known he was loved within his family observing how you cared for him. Even the little things one does mean so much and speak volumes. I HOPE that in the days ahead you will start to feel better and able to cope with your loss of your father. It will take time to heal from your loss. Be at Peace. May you be comforted in your grief.