It’s a secret, you have to promise not to tell... Remember that from first grade? Secrets were a big deal.

Apparently, from the fuss over Hillary Clinton and her private email account during her time as Secretary of State, most Republicans and some Democrats think they still are. But all this brouhaha about Hillary and State Department secrets...forgive me if I don’t think it’s the biggest scandal since...well...choose your own personal favorite.

No doubt Hillary discovered during Bill’s administration how unimportant and silly most so­-called Secret Information actually is, so who gives a shit which server or e­mail account the stuff ends up on?

What important information political, cultural, scientific isn’t viral these days seconds after it happens? There’s nothing we don’t know that’s important enough to be kept secret, because if there was, we would know about it. Think about it­ the important stuff is common knowledge: We and the Russians and a bunch of other countries have enough nuclear missilesaimed at each other to make the earth glow in the dark bright enough to be seen from Pluto. The Middle East is full of psychotic religious fanatics. Almost as many as in this country’s Christian Right. U.S. military industrialists instigate trouble between the U.S. and China, the U.S. andRussia, the U.S. and everybody else. We clone aborted fetus cells... Or maybe we abort fetal clones (I haven’t followed this one too closely). The Defense Department has a room full of disease cultures that make Stephen King’ssuperflu in The Stand look like your common head cold. The ocean is full of plastic bags. California is on fire. Scientists use the Supercollider to make mini black holes. Huddled masses yearning to breathe free swarm Europe. They are Muslims and unwanted. Including by us, and we caused most of the problem. With help from the Versailles Treaty, back in the day.

Surveillance is ubiquitous. We don’t need a guy named Snowden telling us that if you’re breathing, somebody’s listening... Or videotaping... Or drone spying. Etc. and etc.

I ask you: what’s left to be classified Top Secret?

Of course, just because we don’t need to give a rat’s ass about State Department Secrets on her private server doesn’t mean we should elect Hillary Clinton president. Her public career is a history of amoral self­interest, narcissism, and straight­faced lies. That’s not much of a secret, either.