Monday, January 17, 2011

This young lady, Tamia Gaines, makes some great points about creating the world we want to live in. Have we helped create the world that Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. dreamed of? This video is a wonderful resource for parents when explaining what we are celebrating today. The best thing we can do is to get up and help others in memory of one of the greatest men in our history.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Why oh why do I love silly reality shows? Probably because they are the furthest thing from my reality and most of these people are so whack that it makes me feel really good about myself. OK...all kidding aside. Millionaire Matchmaker...genius. Deadliest Catch...perfection. But my latest obesession...wait for it...wait for it...is Storage Wars!

It doesn't have the emotional depth of matchmaker or the complex relationships of DC, but the lottery-like suspense of each storage unit is quite gratifying. Add that to the unspoken complexity of the people who abandon these treasure troves and it all equals one gratifying hour of reality tv.

With a friend...with a child...with your spouse...or even with yourself.

Take time this week to evaluate those relationships you value most and reconnect. If it is a difficult situation that needs more time then just start thinking about the possibility of reconnecting.

I have friends that I haven't seen or talked to (real life chat...not facebook chat) in years. Don't get me wrong. I dig facebook for catching up with old friends and keeping up with current friends...but there is nothing better than reconnecting with an old friend. I did it last summer in NYC and I hope to do it this weekend in OKC. There are just certain people that make my life richer and I need to focus on nurturing those relationships...and letting go of the ones that don't.

Connection is what it's all about! So reach out and let me know how it goes!

Years ago I saw a movie that I can't even remember the name of - Michelle Pfeiffer was in it I think - but there was one part that stayed with me. At dinner each night the family would share their "high, low" of the day. It served as a springboard for conversations that got the kids thinking beyond "what did you do today?" So ever since my kids could speak we have been playing high, low, ha! Sometimes in the car after I pick them up from school, but most often during dinner, we each share the best thing that happened that day, the worst thing that happened that day and the funniest thing that happened that day.

It's not perfect. Sometimes the kids talk all over each other and argue about who gets to go first, but I love it...it's most often my high!

"It's snowing!" Two words we rarely hear in Dallas, but I love it! The kids are rushing through the house yelling and planning what they will do when it finally accumulates. Yesterday we bought carrots at the grocery store in anticipation of the snow - a must-have for any dignified snow man - but I honestly thought I would be throwing them in this week's pot of veggie soup.

"But it's here! It's finally here!" My sweet Lu just exclaimed. So off to help prepare the kids for this rare Texas treat. Pictures coming soon!

Saturday, January 8, 2011

What's normal? And who even says normal anymore without putting the "finger quotes" around it? Normal is the definition of what is socially acceptable to a certain set of people, right? So you work to find friends who have the same normal as you or you find a normal you aspire to achieve and then hide your realities in order to fit in. (FYI...The first option is the healthier of the two.)

I remember the first time I heard the saying "you are only as sick as your secrets" and I thought what in the world are they talking about? No one knows my secrets, therefore no one knows I am sick. My ambition in life was to work as hard as I could to get the approval of others in order for them not to see... that inside I was really a mess.

It was a dangerous addiction...yes, I said addiction. Approval addiction is alive and well in the lives of many people. Think about it...so many problems we have as a society comes from trying to get the approval of others.

As a teenager, I would do things that I knew were dangerous, or against my own internal compass, in order to receive the approval of others. As a young adult, I would buy things that I couldn't afford in order to receive social approval. And as a woman, I used to work myself to the bone to be the best fill in the blank (mom, employee, wife, friend, daughter) I knew. You see, I was self-medicating because I was unknowingly suffering from depression. I would actually get a high from the approval of others and that would help me "cope" with the self-loathing internal dialogue that constantly ran in my head.

I thought if I could keep my friends at arm's length then they would never know the real me. The problem was when you push people away you tend to lose friends. Never because of a big blow out (well, ok, maybe once) but mostly my friendships have simply faded away. I didn't want to do the work on myself in order reciprocate any kind of intimacy, but that all changed in the fall of 2008.

My life fell apart and as I started rebuilding I learned that living an authentic life was the only way I was going to survive. So slowly and surely, I have made my way out of the clouds of depression. Sure, I still have down days and I still struggle sometimes with approval addiction; but I am able to recognize it and remove myself from the situation before I say, do, or buy something I will regret.