Parenting (or the lack of it)

I had what I hope is the final act of a drama play out today in a little theater called the bike shop.

About two weeks ago a 'customer' (I call him that even though the kid has no money and never buys anything) came into the shop and asked for an estimate on replacement parts for a BMX bike. This kid, about 16 or so, shows me a fork bent backwards, a frame with a good-sized ding in it, bars bent and dinged and a trashed brake lever. I asked what happened and he said that another kid (also a 'customer', but I'll get to that) stole it and intentionally threw his bike down an embankment to damage it. I also know the other kid.

The other kid is about 17 and spoiled. He came in with his Mom last Winter and picked out about $800 in snowboard gear. Mom paid for it all even though he's old enough to have a job. He's also been in a few times to order parts for his bike, he calls Mom on his cell with a snotty attitude, Mommy comes in and pays for it all.

The first kid asked for a detailed and written estimate to give to the police. I was busy and didn't get to it by the next day when his Dad comes in. After a phonecall to a distributor I gave the estimate to him and figured that was the end of it, not really expecting them to buy anything from us even if they recovered the funds.

Other kid's Mom comes by the shop today to "inspect the damage". She looks at the frame and says that since it's just a ding, her son shouldn't have to replace it. I tell her that not knowing what exactly occurred and that with a very stout BMX fork being bent back like it was, it was my opinion that the frame should be replaced and said that if I had told the owner it was OK to ride and then failed at a later date, the shop could be held liable.

After she left I couldn't do anything but shake my head. Her kid destroys another kid's bike in a bullying fashion, yet she is trying to negotiate down the price of compensation. Mom, this is what is called a "teachable moment". Make the kid pay the full replacement cost of the bike parts and work it off! Make sure it's as hard as possible since if this kid doesn't know what he did was WRONG at 17...it's only going to get worse.

Oh, wait...you were negotiating because it's you that will be paying for it.

I just finished going to court to garnish a mom's wages to pay for damage to a house her twin sons' caused while they attended college - she still thinks it's OK for her boys to have broken every door and door frame in a newly renovated house!!

On the evening news, they had interview footage with the kid and the mom.

The kid was irreverent, fighting to break a smile as he described taunting the bus driver.

The mom says something along the lines of "He has ADHD and OCD. The bus driver should understand that you need more patients with 'special needs' children."

When my 2 year old gets that age, if the same thing happens, he'll get more of the same at home and then have to apologize to the bus driver.

I don't know it all, but in my house discipline is simple - obey. Obey means: "Right away, all the way, in a happy way." If my kid violates any one of the three it is disobeying and either a spanking or timeout depending upon the situation. After the punishment, he has to tell me why he was punished and apologize.

My son once shoplifted a candy bar at the grocery. He was 5. As soon as I saw him eating it, I asked him where he got it. I made him get enough money out of his piggy bank to pay for it and I drove him back up. Waited in line, and I had him tell the clerk what he had done, apologize, and pay for it. Good lesson there. He cried the entire time. I don't think he'll be doing it again.

My son once shoplifted a candy bar at the grocery. He was 5. As soon as I saw him eating it, I asked him where he got it. I made him get enough money out of his piggy bank to pay for it and I drove him back up. Waited in line, and I had him tell the clerk what he had done, apologize, and pay for it. Good lesson there. He cried the entire time. I don't think he'll be doing it again.

I had what I hope is the final act of a drama play out today in a little theater called the bike shop.

The other kid is about 17 and spoiled. He came in with his Mom last Winter and picked out about $800 in snowboard gear. Mom paid for it all even though he's old enough to have a job. He's also been in a few times to order parts for his bike, he calls Mom on his cell with a snotty attitude, Mommy comes in and pays for it all.

Many parents, esp. those whose kids are "deprived" (of money, another parent, etc.) fear alienating their kids' affections. When my kids told me I was the meanest mother in the world I thanked them -- I knew I was doing my job.

My son once shoplifted a candy bar at the grocery. He was 5. As soon as I saw him eating it, I asked him where he got it. I made him get enough money out of his piggy bank to pay for it and I drove him back up. Waited in line, and I had him tell the clerk what he had done, apologize, and pay for it. Good lesson there. He cried the entire time. I don't think he'll be doing it again.

Parents need to be parents. Not friends.

OMG I'm worse than you. When we were at a card show at a hotel (we had a table there) my little nephew and his cousins went to the payphone, picked it up and dared each other to call 911 - they were about 6 at the time - when someone actually answered they hung up the phone. At the same time there was a raffle going on and there was a lot of shouting because of the great gifts people were winning. Everyone was gathered around the main table, awaiting their numbers.

Next thing you know about 6 cops come into the room. Everyone stopped and looked. One of the cops shouted that someone called 911 and asked where the emergency was. Immediately my nephew starts to cry. The other kids faces turned white and they all pointed to him. He stood there crying.

After all was said and done, I took that kid by his ear and made him apologize to the cops.

When he got home I explained to him why it was wrong and how he took the cops time who could be going out on emergency calls and helping someone who really needed it. I made him write a letter of apology to the Chief of Police. I took him down there, he shook the Chief's hand, apologized again and handed him the letter. The Chief then let him see the dispatch center so he understood how many important emergency calls come through.

He knew that I was training with them at the time and I was really really upset at the risks he put others through.

That kid learned his lesson big time.

Originally Posted by Buddha

We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.

Originally Posted by making

Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.

Many parents, esp. those whose kids are "deprived" (of money, another parent, etc.) fear alienating their kids' affections. When my kids told me I was the meanest mother in the world I thanked them -- I knew I was doing my job.

I wish more parents had spines...

Haha... LOL.. yeah, my daughter loves to do that too. I don't like you anymore, daddy/mommy.
Ok, kiddo, here is a nickel, go find yourself a new home.

We sell snowboard gear because we get a full four seasons here. The bike gear used to be physically moved to another storage facility, but as the manager I fought and built enough in-house organizational storage that we now have all the cycling gear available year round, though it takes a bit of digging.

Almost all the cycling here stops here in favor of Winter sports around November. To make up for it our Summers are mild with temps hardly ever going above 90 and with very little humidity.