Study Suggests Paleo Dieters Lose Average Of Ten Pounds, Three Friends Per Month

According to reports released earlier this month by University of Michigan health system nutritionists, adhering to the Paleo diet for a one-month period is likely to decrease body fat by 6 percent and friendship circles by nearly 50 percent.

Lead researcher Bre Todd explained, “We’ve found, in an overwhelming majority of studies, that subjects who tailored their eating according to the rules of the Paleolithic diet lost nearly 10 lbs in a month. When combined with a strict exercise regime and a habit of explaining, in extensive detail, the benefits of eating unprocessed foods, the subjects were dropped by an average of 3 friends as well.”

For local man Brent Tagen, longtime Paleo dieter, the study’s results are no surprise.

“When I started eliminating grains, salt, dairy and refined sugar from my diet, I lost 3.5 pounds in just the first week of February! That was also around the time that my book club stopped notifying me about upcoming meetings.”

“Something I always tell people is that Paleo dieting has changed my entire life. I love telling people about the great results I’ve had,” he continued. “When I teach my friends and family about the Paleo lifestyle, I make sure to emphasize that anyone and everyone is able to make healthy choices!”

For his part, Tagen intends to continue to find “fresh, fun” ways to stay healthy. His future health goals include training for a triathlon, the results of which are often considered to be boosted confidence, increased muscle tone, and a general decrease of people willing to engage you in small talk.