Hope, Healing, and a Rescue Cat

The Interplay: PTSD & the Cat-Human Bond

Day and night, I battled PTSD-related issues, including anxiety. Hannah, who had been abused, reflected parts of me I could not bear to see. “I could write a book…” (Rodgers and Hart) about those details and the initial struggles between Hannah and me — and Hannah Grace (the book) illustrates those times. But Hannah Grace, the book, more importantly sheds light on the lightness the cat-human bond brought to bear on PTSD and my healing.

This is one of those moments:

A year after I adopted Hannah, I found a better-paying teaching position and moved out of my studio and into a one-bedroom apartment in the attic of a family home. As Hannah enjoyed the airy space and opened windows of our new residence, I began to notice a confidence growing in her body: she walked tall. Her underweight carriage filled out – she was not overweight but fit, eating and exercising with regularity and comfort. She made a place for herself on the couch, where she turned around and around and around until she finally settled on a spot for her naps, relaxing her body completely, in a trusting way I envied.

In therapy, I was beginning to process the grief I held regarding my past. After a draining session, I sat beside Hannah on the couch, my tears dampening her fur. She lay next to me with her body in a semi-circle, the white of her belly exposed. I placed my palm where I could feel her body rise and fall as she took in life and let it go. Closing my eyes, I focused on the vibration of her body in my hand. Every once in a while, Hannah lifted her nose to blot my tear-drenched knuckles, then rubbed the side of her cheek up my arm.

Some times, Hannah sped away as if beckoning me to chase her. With abandon, she dashed down the stairs that led to the apartment door, and waited for me at the bottom. I held onto the railing and followed, feeling beneath my feet the rough grass-green carpet that rolled down the steps like a tongue. When I was almost halfway to the bottom, Hannah emitted chirpy giggle noises and, like a bullet, shot past me up the stairs, tagging my leg with her tail – you’re it! – opening up feelings within me that I had not felt in decades, parts of my spirit I thought had died in the trauma of my childhood: affection, playfulness, love. As I chased after Hannah, laughter came loose in my throat.

Yes, I think you should publish your book. I find it an amazing coincidence that my cat, Wang Xifeng is a Calico like yours. I brought her from China to Canada almost six years ago. I too have had a traumatic childhood and think cats have an even greater healing power than humans. Wish you the best in your healing.

Deirdre, that is intriguing regarding your calico cat. I am so glad you and Wang Xifeng have each other! I am so grateful for all the comments in response to my posted stories – I hope people will keep sharing!

Hi Tracy,
Thanks for letting me know about your beautiful blog. We are both launching at the same time! How wild is that?

I mention Oscar in my essay, “The Watcher” which is in the latest edition of The Southampton Review. Frank McCourt encouraged me to write it after I shared the story with the memoir-writing workshop in 2007. I will email you the story, I’d love to hear your reaction.

Cats were a part of my life my entire childhood and for many years of adulthood, too. There is something so soothing about cats! They are absolutely precious. You have a special bond with Hannah, and I think there’s a large audience out there for Hannah Grace.
I look forward to stopping by often!
Best wishes!

Tracy I would love to see Hannah Grace published. Animals have such empathy. They are so sensitive to our emotions. When you needed unconditional love Hannah was there for you.

PTSD is complicated, sometimes you don’t need someone to talk, you need a nuzzle from a furry friend that says everything will be okay.

Bravo! I love the blog, please keep sharing your love of Hannah and the trust she is beginning to help you explore! We need a book that helps people explore this relationship and the human/feline bond.

I’m always left with such hope when I read about you and Hannah — singularly you are both very strong but together you and she seem even stronger and happier. Hopefully others will get to hear this story and be inspired too.