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It seems everyone has a blog these days. Not that I'm giving in to the "norm." I just want to have a place that is mine. These are my thoughts, my opinions, my hopes, my dreams, my fears. I am a Daughter. I am a Wife. I am a Mother. But above all, I am a WOMAN.

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Friday, March 23, 2012

I Want a "Do-Over"

Anybody else want a do-over? Remember those? For those of you that don't, a do-over is when you mess up a little, or screw up royally (as I am wont to do), you yell (yes, YELL), "DO-OVER" and then re-do whatever it was you did wrong, hopefully getting it correct the second time around.

Well, I want a do-over. I'm not sure what time frame though. I've made an awful lot of mistakes.

When I graduated high school, I picked the wrong college. WAY wrong. Perfect example. I came out of class one day and found my 8-year-old hatchback Ford parked between a brand new Mercedes and a brand new Jaguar. See the problem? But I made some contacts there that I never would have made elsewhere, so I can't quite regret that choice completely.

I quit college. That choice I can and do regret even though I did go back (y-e-a-a-a-r-r-r-s-s-s later) and get my degree which led me to a job that I actually love. Most days.

I married the wrong man. A very, VERY, VERY WRONG man. (Did you get the hint that it was not the right guy?) I won't go into all of the reason that particular relationship was wrong, but I will say that those 4 years of marriage felt like 10. I celebrated for 3 months when the divorce papers were signed. But I grew up a lot in those 4 years. I learned how to compromise. I learned patience. I learned fighting is futile because it changes nothing. I learned how to pick up the pieces of my life and put them back together. I learned to be satisfied with the little things in life. So despite my myriad scars, I can't quite make myself regret that choice either. Those scars made me who I am and make me appreciate the man I later married and with whom I now have two beautiful, annoying, sweet, stubborn, persistent, charming young monsters gentlemen. And I wouldn't trade any of them for anything in the world. Most of the time.

More immediately, I would request a do-over at 6am this morning. I would say, "Nope. Not getting out of bed today. It's going to be a bad day, so I'm just going to sleep through it. Sorry. Go on without me." See, these are the things that went wrong:

1. Payroll was incorrect, so three checks needed to be re-cut. Not as simple as it sounds.

2. Husband and Z are going camping with the Cub Scouts tonight. I told M it was just going to be him and me tonight, wouldn't we have fun. His response? "But I want to spend the night with Mamaw." *sigh*

3. Husband's good mood this morning lasted just about until lunch. A little longer than most days this week, but not as long as I had hoped.

4. My good mood evaporated last Monday and hasn't been seen since. But at least I'm no longer grumpy. I'm just depressed. Much easier to live with me. Oh, yeah. NOBODY is living with me tonight.

5. I just re-read what I've written so far and it's not as funny as I'd hoped. More like depressing and sad.

I think I'll stop and get a bottle of wine on my way home. Go home, put on my pj's, eat pizza, drink wine, take a bubble bath, read a book, go to bed early, and sleep late in the morning. Maybe tomorrow's sunshine will make everything better.

About Me

I am daughter to divorced parents. I am sister to one sister, two step-brothers, and one step-sister. I am wife to a wonderful man (God chose him for me, because I certainly could not have done so well on my own.) I am mother to two handsome, sweet boys that often drive insane, and to one beautiful step-daughter that came late to us.And I am a Woman.