Random blog posts since 2001. Other randomness since 1984.

Random blog posts since 2001. Other randomness since 1984.

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My name is Janet. I was born in 1984 on the cusp of Aquarius and Pisces. I've had this site since 2001. I love to watch/read anything to do with vampires. I'm interested in learning about mythology, serial killers, and various other things that don't generally interest people my age. I tend to discuss my problems in this blog, so if you don't want to read my whining about my health, then you might want to go now. There's a fanlisting for me that you could join, if you want. (No pressure.)

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To say that I’m a Kate Winslet fan would be putting it mildly. After Titanic‘s release, I began one of my first full-on obsessions where I’d buy or rent all the movies she had been in and watch every interview. It’s something I’ve done with a lot of celebs, though most I eventually get over. Kate is one of the few who I still adore. I feel similarly about her costar in Wonder Wheel, Justin Timberlake. I was (and still am) a huge fan of his. I loved him on MMC. I favored *NSYNC to the Backstreet Boys. I bought his first album, his second album, etc. I contemplated using Napster to get some of his music back before he played Sean Parker in The Social Network. I’ve seen most of his movies. At different points in my life, I’ve had fan sites for both Justin and Kate. I used to write RPF1 about Justin and *NSYNC. These are individuals I adore. The writer and director for their latest movie isn’t. To steal a term from the BDSM world, Woody Allen is a hard limit for me. I’ve seen one of his films,2 which I hadn’t noticed was his before I watched it.3 I can’t separate Allen’s work from the child sexual abuse allegations and from his bizarre choice to marry his former girlfriend’s adopted daughter. These are not actions I want to endorse, which is what I would feel I was doing if I watched the films. I can’t watch my all-time favorite actress or one of my favorite musicians act together because the person making the film is a schmuck. And a part of me is kinda fucking pissed that they’ve both acted like working with him was not wrong or completely disgusting. I’ve felt that outrage with other faves, i.e. when Kristen Stewart not only acted in his film, but tried to excuse the behavior. I can’t condemn people like Roy Moore or Donald Trump for being sexual predators if I’m not going to condemn people like Woody Allen, Roman Polanski, R. Kelly, Harvey Weinstein, etc. I can’t pretend to have an ethical standard then abandon it when following the standard gets a little difficult. I have to apply it to the people who I like it I apply it to the ones I don’t. Otherwise, it’s meaningless. Wait. No, it isn’t meaningless. It just doesn’t mean what I want it to mean. It warps that standard into something tragic, vicious, and crude. It becomes hypocrisy. I cannot be part of a system that gives abusers and racists a slap on the wrist, then wring my hands over what message is sent by that lack of punishment. I cannot pretend that it is okay to be watching a movie by a person I know is abusive. I can’t act like my money and my time aren’t essentially endorsing rape or abuse if I watch Wonder Wheel or any other movie or television show, so I won’t try to do so. Photo by GabboT on Visualhunt / CC BY-SA real people fiction ↩Match Point ↩I still feel guilty over watching it years later. ↩

As we were working at Nana’s today, I came across a couple of shoe boxes that were full of old pictures. I don’t know who all of the people are or how long it will take for me to add all of the pictures. Most of Granddaddy’s pictures that he took in Hawaii when he served in World War II are in this album. There are also pictures from my childhood, my mom’s childhood, and Nana’s childhood. This album is very image heavy.

If you don’t follow me on Twitter, you might have missed my tweets over the judge determining Kesha couldn’t leave her contract with Dr. Luke & Sony. To say the judge’s decision bothered me would be an understatement. A big one. I’ve encountered quite a few people who have said that if it was really rape, Kesha would have reported it. Around 68% of rape victims don’t report. Some said that it’s not really rape because because Kesha denied it in a deposition. If Dr. Luke was intimidating or threatening her into denying it, she likely lied to prevent further abuse by him. Sexual assault and other types of abuse can cause a person to deny abuse is occurring. When you’re being hurt, you will do anything to prevent future abuse because you know that if you upset your abuser, they may lash out & they may become more violent. An abuse victim learns what actions they can take & what words they can say that won’t lead to aggression, injury or death. Of course I stand with Kesha, because I personally understand what it’s like to not share your abuse, your trauma with the world. I lied about the aspects of the abuse1 that occurred in my past for years. I lied to therapists. I lied to doctors. I lied to my parents. I lied to friends. I lied to other relatives. I lied to people who read this blog.2 I lied over and over. I could tell people with ease that it didn’t happen & that I didn’t know why they thought it did. I was ashamed. I was afraid. And, like most people who endured traumatic events, in denial that what I went through was truly abusive or traumatic. It might make more sense to some to write Kesha off for her denial or delay, but I can’t judge her for that. And then there are the people who say that she must be lying because all or most victims lie. This is untrue. Those who do report don’t usually see their rapist go to jail or even to trial. And those who report or even acknowledge that it happened at some point in their past are automatically called liars/accused of crying rape, which is statistically unlikely, as there’s a 2-8% rate of false reports with rape & sexual assault. They have their credibility & morality challenged, while they hear nothing but praise for the perpetrator. Look at Kesha’s case, people are using her image as a “party girl” to discredit her. That image was likely one decided upon by the producers & label executives. She was niche marketed by them, more specifically by her abuser3 himself, Dr. Luke. It’s entirely possible that the idea of Kesha as the booze-loving sex pot was an attempt to keep her silent about the abuse. And even if she really was a party girl, she still could be a rape and/or abuse victim. We shouldn’t stick to the idea of a perfect or preferable victim type because that silences so many of the abused. There is always one aspect of a victim’s life or personality that gets used against them to deny that abuse ever happened or to pretend that they were responsible for it happening. I stand with Kesha & I will continue to do so. I applaud the celebrities who are willing to risk their careers to stand up for her. I applaud the non-celebrities who have posted in the #freekesha & #boycottsony hashtags and who have defended her, even when they don’t like her music. I applaud the people who have shared their own stories. There is so much courage, goodness, & hope being shared. It’s very beautiful. It gives me hope that even when a judge makes such a dehumanizing decision that people will support an abused person’s decision to get away from their abuser. Downplayed the severity of the emotional abuse, denied the sexual abyss occurred. ↩If you read old entries on here, you can probably even find some here. ↩And producer & label executive. ↩

I am having trouble falling asleep,1 so I went on YouTube.2 I checked my notifications and found out that I am apparently a truly awful human being.3 I didn’t like a music video, so I can’t appreciate real music. Flower graphics symbolize pure beauty and that sexuality doesn’t have to be raw and raunchy.4 Oh and nude5 women, including ones portrayed in sexualized situations aren’t being objectified.6 But we’re back to my bitterness and that I’m a hater. If you don’t agree with Marina or mandyy, don’t express yourself. And I don’t know who told these folks that the women weren’t being sexualized or objectified, but they were wrong. I love that they needed to tell me it’s my opinion. I bet they don’t realize there are non-One Direction fans that disliked the video. I stand by all of my remarks—including the MySpace comment. I think I may be able to sleep now. Thanks, Zayn stans. Because of the overdraft issue. ↩The best cure for insomnia. ↩It’s not the first time that’s been suggested. ↩Unless it’s done right. ↩Except for the hearts and flowers strategically placed later. ↩I guess it’s like if a tabloid puts a bar across a celeb’s boobs. They’re preserving the pure beauty of the boobs. ↩

I like Zayn.1 I hate his “Pillow Talk” video & don’t really like the song. He looks bored and the video is just 100% tacky.2 Who thought it was a good idea to put flowers over her genitals and hearts3 on her nipples?456789 Whoever it was should be fired.10 And the random lesbian scenes, what’s that about? There are people who had LSD trips that weren’t as bizarre as this video.11 This was the music video equivalent of a MySpace profile with glitter graphics and auto-play songs. It’s just…a tacky vomitfest. It’s obvious that he’s trying to prove he’s not just Zayn Malik of One Direction, but I feel like he’s trying too hard. The video looks like it was supposed to be artistic, but it was just kaleidoscopic, over saturated, exclusion/difference layer12 obsession weirdness. Gigi Hadid is gorgeous, though. No judging. ↩I’m being nice here. ↩These reminded me of some holographic heart stickers my mom used to order from Oriental Trading Company. I would stick them on my Valentines. ↩No, really. ↩ ↩ ↩ ↩ ↩I. TOLD. YOU. SO. ↩A floral pillowcase should cover their bosoms to mark them for this unforgivable sin. ↩I am still being kind here. ↩Actual Photoshop thing. ↩