Columnist Julie Mack: Not all teenagers drink, I think

My younger daughter was describing her recent day at the beach with friends when she threw in this remark: "Oh, and the cops searched us."

The cops searched you?

It was a big, loud group of 16- and 17-year-olds, she said, so the cops swooped in, suspicious of underage drinking. "But when they went through the cooler, all they found was Fig Newtons and Capri Sun" juice packets, my daughter said. "I think they were disappointed."

My older daughter laughed at story. "The cops found out they really are dorks," she said.

Actually, these kids aren't dorks at all, which is probably why the cops were suspicious. My daughter and her core group of friends are typical teenagers in almost every respect, except for the fact that they don't drink -- or, if they do, they're keeping it so low-key that they haven't been caught yet.

And it's not like adults aren't keeping an eye on them. This was, in fact, the third time that she and her friends have drawn the attention of police in the past two years.

The first time happened on a Friday night when they were awaiting a ride home after touring a local haunted house. As they stood in the parking lot, a passing police officer saw them drinking out of cans and stopped for a look. Energy drinks, as it turned out.

The second time happened during a party when the neighbors called the cops to say that drunken teenagers were roving the street. Wrong. Just a high-spirited, non-alcoholic game of Capture the Flag.

In yet another recent incident, a mom in this group of friends happened to go home unexpectedly in the middle of her work day and found a driveway full of cars. She threw open the front door, half expecting to find a wild party in her living room. What she found was a group of teenagers playing video games.

The conventional wisdom is that almost every teenager drinks, and there's plenty of data to prove the point. I know the biggest mistake a parent can make is to think, "not my child."

But as I consider my daughter and her friends, there's also a flip side. While it's absolutely crucial for parents to be constantly on guard, they also have to consider the possibility that maybe it's NOT their child. Moreover, I fear there's a danger in being adults so suspicious and skeptical that teenagers end up drinking since everybody assumes they're doing it regardless.

It's a tricky balance act for parents. Am I lucky? Or naïve? Does my daughter's apparent abstinence from substance use and abuse thus far make me dangerously complacent? Can I trust that my daughter's good choices will continue indefinitely?
My sister, who has raised four teenagers, says it's important to remember that teenagers inherently make stupid decisions. It's part of the teenage DNA. If they don't make stupid decisions in one area, she said, then they just make stupid mistakes in another. To think otherwise, she says, is just, well, stupid.

It's good advice, which is why I continue to keep a close eye on my child, even as she insists, "Everybody thinks there are shenanigans! There are no shenanigans!"
I can only hope it stays that way.

Julie Mack's column is published in Saturday's Kalamazoo Gazette, and a second column is posted online during the week. Reach her at 388-8578 or jmack@kalamazoogazette.com.