Sanctuary for the Abused

Wednesday, August 22, 2018

10 WARNING SIGNS OF WORD SALAD

When they’re feeling threatened or bored, psychopaths will often use
what’s called “word salad” in an attempt to keep your mind occupied.
Basically, it’s a conversation from hell. They aren’t actually saying
anything at all. They’re just talking at you. Before you can even
respond to one outrageous statement, they’re already on to the next.
You’ll be left with your head spinning. Study the warning signs, and
disengage before any damage can be done:

1. Circular conversations

You’ll think you worked something out, only to begin discussing it again
in two minutes. And it’s as if you never even said a word the first
time around. They begin reciting all of the same tired garbage, ignoring
any legitimate arguments you may have provided moments ago. If
something is going to be resolved, it will be on their terms. With
psychopaths, the same issues will come up over and over again—why are
they so friendly with their ex again? Why are they suddenly not paying
any attention to you? Why do they sound so eager to get off the phone?
And every time you bring up these issues, it’s as if you never even had
the argument in the past. You get sucked back in, only to feel crazy
& high-maintenance when they decide “I’m sick of always arguing
about this.” It’s a merry-go-round.

2. Bringing up your past wrongdoings & ignoring their own

If you point out something nasty they're doing—like ignoring you or
cheating—they’ll mention something totally unrelated from the past that
you’ve done wrong. Did you used to drink too much? Well then, their
cheating isn’t really all that bad compared to your drinking problem.
Were you late to your first date two years ago? Well then, you can’t
complain about them ignoring you for three days straight. And God forbid
you bring up any of their wrongdoings. Then, you are a bitter lunatic
with a list of grievances.

3. Condescending & patronizing tone

The entire conversation will have this calm, cool demeanor. It’s almost
as if they’re mocking you, gaging your reactions to see how much further
they can push. When you finally react emotionally, that’s when they’ll
tell you to calm down, raise their eyebrows, smirk, or feign
disappointment. The whole point of word salad is to make you unhinged,
and therefore give them the upper hand. Because remember, conversations
are competitions—just like anything else with a psychopath.

4. Accusing you of doing things that they themselves are doing

I mentioned this in the previous section about psychopaths putting you
on the defense. In heated arguments, psychopaths have no shame. They
will begin labeling you with their own horrible qualities. It goes
beyond projection, because most people project unknowingly. Psychopaths
know they are smearing you with their own flaws, and they are seeking a
reaction. After all, how can you not react to such blatant hypocrisy?

5. Multiple personas

Through the course of a word salad conversation, you’re likely to
experience a variety of their personalities. It’s sort of like good cop,
bad cop, demented cop, stalker cop, scary cop, baby cop. If you’re
pulling away, sick of their abuse and lies, they will restore a glimpse
of the idealize phase. A little torture to lure you back in with
promises of marriage and children. If that doesn’t work, suddenly
they’ll start insulting the things they once idealized. You’ll be left
wondering who you’re even talking to, because his personas are imploding
as they struggle to regain control. Our beloved administrator,
Victoria, summed this up perfectly: “The devil himself was unleashed in a
desperate fit of fury after being recognized: twisting, turning,
writhing, spewing, flattering, sparkling, vomiting.”

6. The eternal victim

Somehow their cheating and lying will always lead back to a conversation
about their abusive past or a crazy ex. You will end up feeling bad for
them, even when they've done something horribly wrong. You will
instead use it as an opportunity to bond with them over their supposed
complex feelings. And once they have successfully averted your attention
elsewhere, everything will go back to the way it was. No bonding or
deep spiritual connection whatsoever. Psychopaths cry “abuse”—but in the
end, you are the one left with nothing.

7. You begin explaining basic human emotions

You find yourself explaining things like “empathy” and “feelings” and
“being nice”. Normal adults do not need to be taught the golden rules
from kindergarten. You are not the first person who has attempted to see
the good in them, and you will not be the last. You think to yourself,
“if they can just understand why I’m hurt, then they’ll stop doing it.”
But they won’t. They wouldn’t have done it in the first place if they
were a decent human being. The worst part is, they pretended to be
decent when you first met—sucking you in with this sweet, caring
persona. They know how to be kind & good, but they find it boring.

8. Excuses

Everyone messes up every now and then, but psychopaths recite excuses
more often than they actually follow through with promises. Their
actions never match up with their words. You are disappointed so
frequently that you feel relieved when they do something decent—they
condition you to become grateful for the mediocre.

9. “What in the world just happened”

These conversations leave you drained. You will be left with an actual
headache. You will spend hours, even days, obsessing over the argument.
You’ll feel as if you exhausted all of your emotional energy to
accomplish absolutely nothing. You will have a million pre-planned
arguments in your head, ready to respond to all the unaddressed points
that you couldn’t keep up with. You will feel the need to defend
yourself. You’ll try to come up with a diplomatic solution that evenly
distributes the blame, and therefore gives you both a chance to
apologize and make up. But in the end, you’ll find that you’re the only
one apologizing.

6 Comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, OH MY GOSH! A crazy co-worker did all of these- 1-7 Psychopathic Word Salad in ONE CONVERSATION ! This blows my mind that to see it all spelled out. I will have to buy the book. Thanks for posting this!

Right? How freaky is it to see the characteristics and think, OMG it's not just me? For me it was my husband. I had no idea, I did not understand what I was experiencing but I knew it wasn't normal. And then, one article led to another led to several books an a long conversation with my therapist. It was like someone drew back the thick, dark curtains and the room was flooded with light and truth and suddenly things made sense.

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GENDER BIAS
Numerous men have come in here and been offended that the abusers are referred to as "he" in many of these articles. I want to make it perfectly clear that I am well aware of the fact that female abusers exist and cause just as much devastation as their male counterparts. The sad fact is that there are more male abusers than female narcissists, but domestic homicide is the leading cause of death in women surpassing cancer and car accidents. A woman dies at the hands of her significant other every 6 days, and when you look at the stats for the whole world it is even more bleak. Worldwide, a woman dies every day due to domestic homicide. One in 3 women will experience abuse in her life. It is a plague on society worldwide, causing devastation and ruining lives of men and women. Abuse is an equal opportunity scourge, abusers don't care what color, nationality, religion, age, health condition or socio-economic status, or gender the victim is, the only prerequisite a victim must have is a heart and empathy.
Replacing he or him with she or her as you read is simple enough. Please remember these articles are NOT written by me but shared as supportive information. Thank you.

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