Hello, OKCupid users! I must start with a confession - I am NOT
actually Quiet James. The man you see in these thumbnails is indeed
named James but this OKCupid profile is actually - A SURPRISE
BIRTHDAY GIFT!!! - created by me, his BFF, JJGalahad. So, depending
on whether or not he likes this profile, you may or may not be able
to learn more about him.

How to sum up James? Well, James is indeed often quiet. He can be
somewhat shy, despite his imposing, manly presence. Beneath his
taciturn mystique, however, James is chockfulla hidden treasures
(Pirates, this is a metaphor - if you are a pirate, please do not
disembowel him).

James can be most often found playing around with electronic
devices, be it for work or sport. He loves to work with his
(strong, manly) hands and, even after a long day working hard on a
construction site, James would be happy to give you a back massage
while listening to you talk about your day. He's just that sweet,
ladies.

Often, he will spend his spare time driving his lame friends who
don't have a car around in his suitably large, tough black pickup
truck, because he is a generous, loving soul like that. He enjoys
Lazer Tag,
trying new food eateries, MMORPGS and taking short walks in the
desert (beaches are too crowded).

Mostly? James is currently spending his life waiting for some
smart, attractive woman to take notice and grab him before all the
other awesome ladies take notice and try to do likewise.

James is hella tall. He is a big, big guy. I can usually find him
in crowds just by looking for the tallest dude around.

Also, he has a goatee that puts the "goat" in goatee, along with
always unpredictable hair. Sometimes it's Buzzcut Short, sometimes
it's Prince Valiant long. He's whimsical that way. Please consider
it part of his eccentric charm.

If I could say one thing about James and food, it is that he will
eat pretty much anything but fish, ribs or fried chicken. He
doesn't like food with bones in it, you see, as such savagery
offends his delicate sensibilities. As for the fish, I believe he
secretly fears the ocean but he claims that he just doesn't like
the taste. Sushi lovers, take it up with him, if you dare.

James is a very handy, creative soul who can pretty much make do
without any creature comforts. If you were stranded on a Desert
Island with him, he could probably make you one helluva hut and a
coconut smoothie before sundown.

Assuming this question is less "Desert Island" based and more about
"Things James loves", I guess the answer would be as follows:

1. His dear friends.
2. His dear computer.
3. His tools.
4. Presents.
5. His truck.
6. Something truly personal, amazing and heart-breakingly beautiful
that he will only reveal to you after the third date.

I have known James for over 10 years now and believe me, I still
have trouble figuring out what he's thinking about. The man is an
enigma wrapped in a mystery, deep fried in a puzzle and sprinkled
with powdered secrets.

But if he's hanging out with you, ladies, I can absolutely
guarantee you that he's thinking about YOU. More specifically, how
fascinating the story you're telling is, how beautiful you look in
that outfit and what he can do next to make you smile.

. . . or possibly dancing machine elves.

Really, who the hell knows? Dude is the very definition of the
"Strong, Silent Type". This isn't "Babble Non-Stop James", after
all.

Generally, James can be found sleeping due to his exhausting early
pre-dawn to afternoon workday.

Sometimes, however, James will force himself to stay awake to hang
out with friends and maybe even catch a Midnight Movie because he's
just that awesome. That, and he has the constitution of an ox.
Truly he is able to stay awake and focused after working tirelessly
for hours and hours. His stamina is just inhuman, like more that of
a bull than that of a normal human man's.

Well, given that I am already putting tons of James' personal info
up online without him knowing about it (at least, until his
birthday occurs, that is), I dare not reveal anything else that I
know about him. Lord knows, after knowing him for over 10 years, I
could really dish out some juicy stuff in this box. I have aaaaall
the dirt on his "Andre the Giant" self. So, so tempting . . . but
nah. I'll be good.

In the immortal words of the Golden Girls theme song, James is
tried and true, a friend and a confidant. James has always been an
excellent, exceedingly trustworthy gentleman so I cannot betray his
secrets to, you, random OKCupid person. Sorry. I must humbly
respect the privacy of my dear, trusted friend . . . rather than
mention anything deeply personal, like, say, the size of his
enormous penis.