>> Let's talk about something important.
We all here?
>> Actually there's one more.
>> I'm going anyways.
Put that coffee down!
Coffee's for people who send email
campaigns with
a click-through rate of 5% or higher only.
You think I'm messing with you?
I am not messing with you.
I'm the King of Clicks.
I advise all the top start-ups.
And I get laid constantly.
Your name's Steve?
>> Yeah.
>> You call yourself a VP of Business
Development, you son of a bitch!
>> All right, I don't have to listen to
this.
>> You certainly don't pal!
But you might want to!
Cuz we're adding a little something to
this month's Click Through Rate Contest.
As you all know, first prize is a VIP pass
to South by Southwest Interactive.
You wanna know what the second prize is?
Second prize is a Groupon for teeth
whitening.
Third prize is you're fired.
You get the picture?
You got an email list, they signed up at
your site, so sell them.
You can't sell them?
You can't sell crap.
You are crap!
Hit the bricks pal, cuz you are out of
here!
>> Come on, the email list is weak.
>> The email list is weak?
God damn email list is weak?
You're weak!
I've been in this business since the first
dot com bubble.
>> So, wha, what was your name again?
>> File not found!
That's my name!
You want to know why pal?
Cuz you use a refurbished Dell!
And I use a $5,000 MacBook Pro with a
Retina display!
That's my name!
You can't play in a man's game.
A, B, C!
They should always be clicking.
They should always be clicking.
You think they signed up for your list cuz
they got bored at Gawker?
A man doesn't sign up for an email list
unless he wants to buy.
Out there just waiting to give you their
money.
Are you gonna take it?
Are you man enough to take it?
Get mad, you sons of bitches, get mad!
You know what it takes to get clicks on
your email?
It takes a brass mouse to get clicks on
your email.
Why are you not paying attention to me?
>> I have an email list.
It's on my knitting site, where I get tons
of clicks already.
Yeah, I use MailChimp.
It has AB testing built in so I can use
two subject lines on 10% of my emails, and
then it figures out which one's the best,
and then
I can use that subject line for all the
others.
It's really great, I can show you how.
If you just let me have that mouse.
>> Deal.
>> A, B, K.
Always be knitting.
Always be knitting.
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