The worst thing about travelling

I used to know a tour bus driver who loved telling people he was "world famous".

"I know people all over the world," he'd tell his latest bunch of wide-eyed tour passengers, "so I reckon that makes me world famous."

The guy was no Bono, but he had a point. He did know people from all over the world, fellow travellers he could call his friends - as could most people who've spent a bit of time overseas.

We've all got the odd mate in England, friends in Germany, people we could call on in the US, a couple of Dutchies we'd like to hang out with again, some South Africans who said we should come stay some time...

And you know what? It sucks.

Some people might like the idea of having friends all over the world, but I'm not one of them.

I don't want to know that I could go stay with one of my friends for a few nights if I ever found myself in Los Angeles. I want to know that I could go to the pub with them right now.

I don't want don't want friends on other side of the world - I want them on the other side of the street. I don't even like having to cross Anzac Bridge to see my brother.

There are plenty of downsides to a life of travelling - lack of money, career etc - but that, for me, is the worst. You meet these amazing people, have incredible experiences together, and then you bid them goodbye.

Sure, you swap emails, look each other up on Facebook, try to keep in touch ... but you both know there's every chance you'll never see each other again. And that sucks.

I used to work for a tour company in Europe, and without doubt the best part of the job was being presented with a new group of 30 or so people to get to know for the next three weeks. That was fantastic. The worst part of the job, without doubt, was then waving them all goodbye when those three weeks were up.

You tend to forge some pretty amazing friendships when you're travelling, not just on group tours, but just going about the everyday act of getting from one place to the next.

You're always more open to meeting new people when you travel. And through shared experiences like eating strange food, comparing bed bug bites, trying to speak a different language, or just the sheer act of living life in another country, you forge close friendships very quickly. And then you go your separate ways.

Some of those people, you'll never see again. They'll just be a funny character you'll tell bored mates about when you get back home. Others, you'll hook up with again at some other time, in some other place, and you'll find the magic's just not there any more. There'll be this weird moment when you realise that for all the fun you had together overseas, you really don't have much in common.

Others will become friends for life - only from the other side of the world.

The internet's made it easier than ever to keep in touch with the people you meet when you're travelling. All it takes is a couple of quick clicks, and few minutes of reading status updates, and you can tell what, say, Jorge from Argentina is up to now.

There's also a new website, Trip Reunions, where old tour passengers can register and get back in touch with the people they travelled with all those years ago. Some groups organise reunions, where you all get together to drink a few beers and reminisce about that crazy Kiwi bloke who always took his pants off when he was drunk, or the girl you could have sworn you saw dashing out of the bus driver's cabin one night.

It's all good fun, and you'll have a great night, but it's just not the same.

Some people might like being world famous - but I'd prefer it if all my friends lived here.

Do you miss people you met while travelling? Have you hooked up with them again and found that everything's changed? Do you try to keep in touch with people?

Hope you're enjoying the Backpacker blog. There'll be a new one up on Fairfax Media websites every Wednesday. If you have any topic suggestions, or just want to send me some personal abuse/spam, you can drop in on my website here, or email me at bengroundwater@gmail.com. Happy travels!

LATEST COMMENTS

That's the worst thing about travelling? Missing the cool people once the fun's over?

I would have thought being gunned down by drug smugglers, poachers and pirates should rank fairly high on that list.

Or more likely, missing that essential connecting flight, being stranded, cashless, in some hell-hole, flea- and bedbug-infested abode, where the Spanish-speaking couple in the adjoining (not so private) room are going at it for the better part of a week; breaking down and crying "I WANNA GO HOME!", just before a MoneyGram transfer is wired to you from your mother.

But yeah, missing all the cool people you meet is pretty bad... until you head somewhere else, meeting even cooler people.
Because people like Jorge the Argentine and that Crazy Pantsless Kiwi become a little predictable and annoying after a while, just like the rest of your friends who live less than 10 minutes from you.

Posted by: been there... on November 4, 2009 11:27 AM

Excellent Blog, yeah I remember my first trip coming back home. I kept thinking I saw my travel mates at the pub, on the bus. It really is the one thing I miss. Facebook is good and I reckon I've caught up with 10 or so different people. I really wish though we could all reunite somewhere!

Posted by: Time to say goodbye on November 4, 2009 11:34 AM

I am lucky I have a business that allows me to travel the world, and the different people myself and Fiona have met were pretty amazing. Yes we all have the best intention to keep in contact... but it only happens for a few months. But we now travel just to see our old travel companions, some times it takes a while for the connection to happen again, but usually it happens as they show you 'round where they live.... pretty cool, and you know what, they get the travel buzz back and what do you know they come and visit you! You are only the sum of the people you meet and the friends you have. The more friends the more interesting you become!

Posted by: Martyn on November 4, 2009 11:38 AM

For me the worst thing about travelling is not having really clean clothes or a clean bed to sleep in once in a while. Unless that is, in your travels, you are lucky enough to crash at a family/family friend/friend's place during your journey.

Re the friendships, I think it's a lot easier today than it was "in my day" (read 1990s!), when Facebook wasn't around etc. Catching up meant snail mail, (or eventually email). It used to be leaving messages at a hostel if you needed to keep in touch on the road....!

Yes the friendships you make overseas are great ones, but you are living in an almost Big Brother type existence, and the friendships are somewhat superficial. I left my reaL friends back home when I travelled.

Having friends (or people you met) spread around the world, to me, is one of the beauties of travelling, not something I hate about it!

My friend and I came back from a five week European trip four months ago. We met the most amazing people in Venice and hung out with them for two weeks. We still keep in touch via facebook but the thought of maybe never seeing them again makes me extremely sad.... :-(

Posted by: Nina on November 4, 2009 3:11 PM

I actually have made it a point to catch up with all the cool people I've met.

I was fortunate enough when living abroad in the UK to find a few really cool people who, upon returning to Aus, have now become some of my best friends.

I've also met a few other people along the way, while travelling through Europe for over 2 years at that time, whom I kept up with and have been travelling through the US and Canada for 4 months now and have now caught up with no less than 12 of them, and have even got around 6 weeks of couch space. Some of these people I met for as little as 2 days.

I do get what you're staying though Ben, chances are most of these people who you hang out with for even 3 days in any one town, you wont see again, but I can totally vouch for the fact that its worth trying to stay in touch!

Posted by: Rudiger on November 4, 2009 3:19 PM

Agree. When I moved to Manchester to live for three years I imagined it was the first of many long-hauls I'd do. Turns out it was so devastating to say goodbye to my best mates that I could never do it again. I'm even marrying one of them, to make sure I have a permanent tie to the place :)

Posted by: Mel on November 4, 2009 3:53 PM

Wow. I could have written this.

It got to the point where after having an incredibly intense, fabulous relationship with certain people, upon leaving I would say "it doesn't feel like it now, but we'll probably lose touch over the next year or so". Of course, many protestations follow, but truth is the vast majority of people, even those you have an amazing bond with, don't stay in touch after the first few months. It's just not the same when you don't see eachother every day.

Facebook has made it a little easier.

But, yeah, friends all over the world and nobody to go have a beer with in a whim. Sux.

Posted by: adventurechic on November 4, 2009 4:44 PM

Season Reason Lifetime. All people you meet whether its when travelling or at home come into your life for a reason, or season and sometimes lifetime. I totally agree with you but thats the best thing about travelling. You meet amazing people who make your trip special. I'm 42 now and still see quite regularly people i met on a contiki tour of europe when 21? They live in the states and for me they are and always be lifetime friends. : )

Posted by: Flashpacker on November 4, 2009 6:34 PM

This is very true. I work in a Backpackers in London and people come and go all the time. Australian do tend to stick together, is it the common experience of Australia or perhaps the knowledge that when you do go back home there is a real chance that you will comtinue to be friends?! After nearly four years of watching people come and go out of my life I do miss having friends and family close at hand.

Posted by: Matt Butta on November 4, 2009 7:50 PM

Yep, I hear ya.

I've been a Tour Leader in South East Asia for the past 4 years and have enjoyed the company of hundreds of passengers on my trips. It really does suck having to say goodbye all the time.

But I wouldn't swap what I do for anything. The amazing people I meet enrich my life and make the world a fascinating place to be.

Posted by: Tracey on November 4, 2009 7:57 PM

Nah, the laundry issues is far worse. Surviving for months at a time with just a few pairs of jox and no washing machine.....and hand washing socks.

Posted by: uncle knobby on November 4, 2009 10:08 PM

My wife and I left Australia over 10 years ago for the UK and now live and work in Paris, speaking the language. In that time we have made and lost touch with friends all over the place. It's a bit of a pandoras box sometimes, you meet people and it's *snap* instant, people who maybe have also travelled, minds opened but backgrounds are oh so so different. Magic. You try to stay in touch. Sometimes you know it wont last, you hope it will, but...

Recently I've renewed contact with a few people which has given me new hope. FB, MSN etc are fantastic. We first tried this in the early 90s, before email and it was painful. Last night I was simultaneously having a MSN conv in 2 languages.

We usually steer clear of other Aussies because we didnt come here to commune, we came for the life enriching experience, sounds flowery, but it cuts both ways, good and bad, which we never envisaged. Still not sure if it was worth some of the pain but at least we have no shortage of offers of accomodation when we travel.

We did once mentally design a little town where all our friends would live and we could visit each other on a whim. Ahh..

But I agree with the sentiment, it does hurt.

Posted by: VTT on November 5, 2009 12:40 AM

About to come home after being in the U.K for three years. I think what you say is true Ben which is why I am so terrified of going home. At least I will see all my amazing friends at my wedding next year, but when after that?
Kinda sucks. Think this is one of the reasons we stick together- at least its only a 6 hour flight max to visit your mates scattered around the country.

Posted by: Caz on November 5, 2009 2:51 AM

I'm super lucky - I work at an English Language School, so when we went round the world last year, we were met and housed and taken all over the place by people we already knew. :) Then they introduced us to their family, their friends, etc, and facebook means we can all still keep in contact (even only vage contact during periods of manic busy-ness) and keep an eye on each other. Then we help them and their friends when they come here, by meeting them and housing them and taking them around the place... :)

Posted by: Kim on November 5, 2009 10:05 AM

I can relate to this blog a lot. In recent years I have spent a fair portion of my time working overseas, and travelling. I enjoy meeting new people, and creating friendships. I find myself meeting far more likeminded people when I'm overseas.

So, I may have cool friends scattered across the Northern Hemisphere with whom I email, facebook etc...At times I feel like I spend way too much time doing this, as it can be time-intensive, and at the end of the day you are just staring at a computer screen!

Although, since travelling for extended periods I been losing my network of friends at home, and they seem less interested in keeping in contact with me because I keep going OS.

It great to have friends overseas, but they are not the friends I can catch up with over a weekend, or got out for a drink with....I think its your friends at home that count the most!

Posted by: wlm on November 5, 2009 12:43 PM

Having friends in America is the reason I keep going back. Been twice in the last year and a half and I'm already planning next year's visit. So, I don't see it as being one of the worst things about travelling, it's the reason to keep going.

Posted by: lauren on November 6, 2009 3:00 PM

I stayed in contact with an Aussie girl I shared a room with on a European tour for about 6 years. But then she moved and didn't send me a forwarding address. I have also stayed friends with an amazing Florida lady I met on tour 7 years ago. We send each other birthday and Xmas presents and keep each other updated with what is happening in our lives. She is the most wonderful friend.

But there are also the people I have met on holidays who I could not have seen the back of quickly enough. Reasons varied from annoying personal habits, atrocious table manners, poor (read non-existent) personal hygiene to incredible lack of knowledge.

For me though the worst parts about travelling are having to endure the wait at the airport after checking in 3 hours before the flight for the necessary security checks, sitting next to someone on the plane who does something that really annoys me, doing the handwashing if I can't find a cheap laundry service, packing up to come home and face reality and paying exorbitant fees to get home from the airport as we have no rail link.

Posted by: Tamojuch on November 6, 2009 5:48 PM

I disagree. Friends on holiday are different from friends you have at home. Just like that magical romantic weekend you might have had in Paris, holiday friendships should be left behind, remain as wonderful memories, recreated as stories, and that's it.

Posted by: trig on November 8, 2009 12:23 AM

Re VTT: "We usually steer clear of other Aussies because we didnt come here to commune, we came for the life enriching experience, sounds flowery, but it cuts both ways, good and bad, which we never envisaged."

I doubt you're having a decent time with that attitude. I get avoiding flag-wearing drunks (of any nationality), but this sort of comment speaks of serious self-hatred. Let it go, there are nice people from everywhere - including your country of birth.

I think pretentious travellers such as you give Australia a worse name than the drunks.

Posted by: Peter G on November 11, 2009 10:24 AM

This post feels like it was written for me! I just spent the last year living in Denmark, and reluctantly came home. After a month, a new ticket was booked and I leave to go back in a few days. My best friends, the ones that know me the best and who I want to call every time I want to do anything, all live on the other side of the world. And as much as skype and facebook help, it is just so hard. My friends here have wanted me to have some kind of farewell party, but the idea sucks too much because all of the people I really want there, are on the other side of the world. I love my friends here, don't get me wrong, but there is also a different bond. They don't know me as well. Here I am much more stressed. And focused on my studies, career, family and always, always saving money to run overseas again! But this trip is the last one for a few years and I don't know how I am going to say goodbye to everyone I am going overseas to see! Ahhhh, this is the worst part of traveling - bed bugs, no money, any of the travel 'horror stories' you hear, I have experienced some of them, and for me, they are just adventures and funny, somewhat horrifying anecdotes. But the worst part is leaving everyone over there. :(

Posted by: Belle on November 12, 2009 10:10 AM

That's why we have 'best' friends.
ie the ones we keep in touch with.

A world with up to 9 billion people. I'm sure you'd get pretty fed up with them all if they lived in your hometown.

What's wrong with having friends all over the world? It means that you can fly into any cit and be at home, for home is not about a place, but the people you share it with, non?

Posted by: Scott on December 2, 2009 6:10 PM

I don't really get the point of this blog. I have many girlfriends from all over the world. It can be tricky keeping them separated from each other on Facebook.

I hate parting, but rejoice knowing that if I were to come back, I would have a bed to stay, and as the old saying goes, 'when one door closes, another opens'.