Breaking Newzzz: Kim Kardashian Engaged

Literally nothing else will be on the cover of any rag for months to come.

If you thought Star Jones’ circus of a wedding to Al Whatsisname was annoying, hold on to your uber-sponsored hats. The cross-promotional wedding of the century is about to unfold, so stock up on your Dramamine, ’cause a fierce case of nausea is about to ensue. Unlike the wedding of the century last month between Prince William and Kate Middleton, the pending nuptials between Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries will surely reek of C and D list celebrities, lots of flat-ironed hair and enough loose curl extensions to last a lifetime. Needless to say, there will be a run on sherbert colored Herve Leger dresses, so Max Azria, get cracking. I am sure every designer wants to dress Kim for her special day and the jockeying must be under way. Knowing Kim’s mother though, we can expect to see:

Kim wearing Vera Wang for David’s Bridal but only if she gets to be the model for the collection as well as be the model for Vera Wang@ Kohl’s for one million dollars.

Kim to become the celebrity beauty ambassador to Wet n Wild Cosmetics and creating a Win A Trip To Kim’s Wedding promotion.

Kim and Kris will honeymoon at the fully sponsored Atlantis Hotel and Casino because they can have a whole wing to themselves. Besides, Sandals Grand Riviera couldn’t come up with the dosh.

Kim’s bridesmaids will have their own plethora of sponsored opportunities, starting with Pink Vodka Cosmopolitan Bridal Shower at Lavo Las Vegas and Lavo New York, yes two parties going on simultaneously to be telecast on the E! Network.

Kim’s footwear will naturally be from her new company Show Dazzle. Surely we can expect a Win a Pair of the Kim Wedding Shoes promo as well.

As you can see, it is endless. My question is, are they holding Kim’s belly together in this shot because, heaven forbid, she is with child? If that is the case. Get ready Kris Kardashian, because the baby promo whirlwind will be almost as exhausting and the bridal one. Surely we can expect: