Thursday, February 18, 2010

Since Tiger Woods decided to show his face in public again I figured it'd be a good time to come out from my hiding place as well. I can't tell you where I've been, it’s a secret, but it wasn't sex rehab. Personally I hope Tiger takes a page out of Allen Iverson’s book, and goes on a rant tomorrow at his press conference. "We talkin' about sex, not golf, sex. I'm supposed to be the number one golfer in the world and everyone’s worried about my sex life. C'mon man!"

That's an unlikely possibility, but he could also pull a Kobe and just bring his wife along with a $3 million dollar ring. The world is funny sometimes.

Here's to hoping The-Tiger-Woods-Press-Conference is a legit excuse to miss class tomorrow.....

Anyway, I've been busy, really busy. Lately, I've been putting a lot of time trying to improve my throwing-of-balls-through-hoops accuracy. Unfortunately, that comes before blogging, and school work comes before both. Ahh, school work is taking over my life, like literally. The lab I'm doing just gave me a death threat. If I do not survive, someone please tell the team to go on to Purdue without me.

Another reason I haven't posted in awhile is lack of material. Just a bunch of short quirks that are better suited for twitter than blogging, but anyway, here they are.

Speaking of materials...

Dear Materialism,Stop taking all my money. I don't always have to own the newest, coolest gadget out there. Stop sending me that impulse that you get in the store that makes me an impulse buyer. I don't like that.-Tyler

What happens when you put the dial for hot/air conditioning in your car directly at the top? What type of air blows out? Room temperature?

If you were to guess, how many Main Street, USAs are there? Your guess is as good as mine.

A lot of people obsess over getting acquainted with the newest trends. I obsess over bringing old trends back to life. This time? The regular, good-old school style handshake.

If light sabers were real, would my life be any different? How so?

^^Where do I come up with this stuff???^^

Does everybody really love Raymond or are they just joking?

My friend called and told me his birthday was the other day. He asked why he didn't receive a "Happy Birthday" from me. I responded with e-mail was down and facebook didn't remind me, sorry!!!

Will Ferrell had so much potential, but was a complete bust in my mind. He had some great moments (Talladega nights, anchorman) but the rest was just stupid.

Whenever I'm driving on the highway in the rain I love saying out loud, "STOP" when I cross under an overpass. It feels like I can control the rain. Think this will Impress Emma Watson???

I don't think one person that's asked me to join their "lost phone, need numbers" group on facebook had my phone number in the first place.

You know what kills me? When I feel obligated to say, "Nice to meet you" when you first encounter with a person is ending. What if I didn't want to meet you? It’s that kind of stuff though you have to do if you want to stay alive.

So in Illinois it’s now illegal to view electronic devices and drive at the same time. Can I pull a citizen’s arrest every time I see a cop operating the laptop computer sitting in their passenger seat?

CBS should hire Kanye West to cut off announcers when they talk too much.

I figured out why mustache hair is different than most people’s hair color. The mustache hair is 20 years younger.

What happens if CBS were to ever cancel the show Survivor? The last season should be a cannibal edition, fight to the death, reality TV. That'd be awesome.

It’s weird that chairs even exist when you’re not sitting on them.

I have a friend that only calls me from the toilet. It’s weird I know but I haven't heard from him in awhile I hope he’s okay.

600. Now around 120. What am I talking about? The attendance the first day of class and the average ever since.

After writing this and looking around my apartment....I don't think I can take care of myself...

-TG

*****What I learned: Tiger is a better golfer than he is actor.

What Tiger should have said: I fully blame NIKE for repeatedly telling me to, "Just Do It". Worst advice ever.

What should have happened: I should have been hired to write the Tiger apology. All he had to do was say he's sorry, blame NIKE, and remind everyone he's worth a billion dollars and the still the best golfer in the world.

My apology also would have included a lot of well placed Beeps and would have been no longer than a minute thirty.