What Are You Looking For? —A Lovesong

I like a man who can take charge and be honest with me about what he’s looking for – in a woman, in a potential relationship, etc. I like to know his intentions.

Just last night, I asked someone “What are you looking for?” We’re gonna have conversation tonight, but I got to thinking: “What am I looking for?”

Here’s what I came up with on the fly:

Someone to compliment my life. A friend that I trust and enjoy being around. A supporter and confidant. Companionship. Undying passion. The kind that makes me long to merge my flesh and bones – and my soul with another human being, because we are already so connected on other levels.

Someone who gets me – and loves me despite, and in spite of my worst attributes. Me on my worst days. Someone who brings out the best in me. A level-headed listener who can keep me grounded in his honesty and weather the storms with me.

Most of all, I want someone who desires me equally – and even if his list of “What are you looking for?” is different from mine, he will find it hard to imagine his life without me in it – because I help make him a better man. We’re complimentary. Complete as individuals, but stronger together.

This level of self and partnership takes time to build. I want someone who has a shared interest in investing.

I wonder what this guy is going to say tonight! (I might have to update you all.)

Define decent and amazing. People like to define amazing with traits. By that I mean “I want a man who is at least 6 foot, is super hot, spends more time with me than the gym, won’t ignore me when he’s into his video games, farts rose, cleans the house without asking and watches Disney movies with me. Oh and who is good in bed”

That is impossible, and not really amazing. A guy could be all that and still be a jerk. I think really good relationships aren’t defined by who either person is in the moment. They aren’t defined by how a person looks or by what most of their goals are. Good relationships start with honesty. They encourage both parties to be the best they can be. More than anything else, I think it comes down to believing in each others goals. For example, I have a life goal to write a book. This has nothing to do with a single trait or hobby my boyfriend has, but we talk about it a lot. He believes I can do it and is constantly telling me how excited he is to read that book. When it comes to his goals, I do the same. I don’t care about flying, but I encourage him whenever I can to pursue his dream of someday getting his pilot’s license.

People change. Hobbies change. Beliefs change. Physical appearances change. Even life goals change. Because of this, I think the description of the “perfect man” should not include his qualities, but his ability to bring out the best qualities in you.

Agreed. I don’t think I mentioned any of those traits. Tall men catch my eye, but that has little to do with the “amazingness” I described. I feel amazing when I’m with someone supportive who brings out the best in me (and the rest of what I wrote). I can’t describe decent but I can give you an example: a friend once told me that you should just love the guy who loves you because it’s hard to find the qualities I described. It depends on what you want and your own definitions, standards, situation, etc.

And for some, money outweighs everything. Some just want a financially secure partner and all is well with the world. Maybe lavish gifts are most important. And some of aren’t specific. We accept whatever comes along. Many different levels and variables.

Money is great, but it also comes and goes. There’s nothing wrong with looking for a financially secure partner, but if that person gets laid off, what then? Are you willing to be his support, cut corners and do whatever needs to be done to help him find a job again? If that job doesn’t pay as well, will you still be there?

Life throws a lot of curve balls at us. Stability is never a guaranteed permanent state.

Very interesting because I don’t focus on money when I meet men. They get the axe for other reasons. I’m going to explore this topic, and they old adage “I can do bad all by myself.” Thanks for the inspiration.

“Most of all, I want someone who desires me equally – and even if his list of “What are you looking for?” is different than mine, he will find it hard to imagine his life without me in it – because I help make him a better man. We’re complimentary. Complete as individuals, but stronger together.”

I LOVE this paragraph. My boyfriend and I have talked about this topic a few times. The one phrase he repeats is “You “get” me – and you allow me to be me”. I tell him that he is probably the only man on the planet who can live with my quirks – he just “gets” me as well. When all you can think about is getting off of work and running home to your man who still greets you standing at the door with a big bear hug (with the football game playing in the background no-less) you know you’ve found your partner. 🙂

Okay, I’ve only been in my current relationship for… 8 months? But I would say it falls in line with a lot of what you just described. I would never have imagined a romantic relationship could be this way and fulfill so many opposing needs in my life. I think it’s totally possible– I wish you luck on the date/conversation! Let us know how it goes. *fingers crossed that he won’t talk about having babies with you*

Wow! I’m happy for you. And you never imagined?! I better keep dreaming. 🙂 Yup. He doesn’t have any children and wants one. Not necessarily with me, of course. And that’s a good thing! I wrote a whole page of positives about him though.

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I'm a writer daylighting as a banker! I started this blog as a single woman in my 30s, and while it has blossomed to include conversations on spirituality and travel, the basic premise is still relationships. I like exploring love relationships (they're fascinating) and the idea that we take ourselves wherever we go (from relationship to relationship, city to city, country to country, etc.) So self assessment is always necessary for growth. And you know if I'm writing about relationships (romantic and otherwise), topics also include dating, lust, the single life, getting ready to be ready (for whatever kind of relationship you envision), etc.
Thanks for joining me on this journey. If we're doing it right, expansion is ongoing. We never stop. This blog evolves, as I do. But -- I can only write from a woman's perspective, for us, and for those who love us.