If you asked me how a kid from middle of nowhere western Md finds themselves in Brooklyn NY trying everyday to help people let it get better, I doubt I could figure it out. I hate to let CSA get even remote credit for anything good, but yea.....

Around here you can easily see things that make no sense, but if you look can can also see lots of good as well. I guess we each have a choice to look down, or look up. I look up and encourage you all do the same.

It still got better all around me because I look for it. I sat back and listened to my 18 year old daughter teach her 12 year old sister how to put on make-up. I watched the same beautiful 12 year old dance all night with a bunch of 12 year old Bieber look-a-likes. I laughed with KB4 about the idea of arranging a marriage with his 12 year old son. I am pretty sure my kid can learn to Curl. It gets better when we can laugh too.

It gets better when you see guys like Sunshine, and Hopefulone, Static, Anthony and R.M. hang real tough through the first hard steps and keep coming back for more. Guys we really ain't kidding you when we say it does get better if you just give it time. It gets better because guys like Castle, Logan and Nick just won't give up or give in ever.

This week guys like Teebone, Gabriel, and Alex22 kicked the sh*t out of CSA and made big steps in their recoveries. These guys make ya proud. And no Special K ain't cereal, ain't drugs, and ain't no one any different than the rest of us here. Teebs he is just a man like you who refuses to be defined by a monster he met when he was 10.

Starman77, it gets better because you have faith. Yea, lots of us have Ms. Starman77 in prayers it gets better for her too bro. Keep smoking stogies with your son. Just a speedbump I say.

I don't have time to look down at all that is wrong around me. I am not naive either. But I do know it does get better.

Edited by kb8715 (03/02/1103:05 PM)

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my son's senior year HS Yearbook.

All of you, thanks for this thread.I never thought it would get better, sometimes I think about how life was before I started talking about what happened and what the past 3 1/2 years has been like. I'm not dancing yet but I hear the music.

Yeah so sometimes letting it get better stings a bit even. Ok so sometimes letting it get better even stings a lot.

I have not been triggered in a while but caught a visual that still really took me back to the time of abuse. I've been edgy as hell for a couple days and for the first time in a while the Monster is hounding me when I sleep. Well the monster is also stealing my sleep.

But the good news is that this is no relapse. Not long ago I'd be acting out for sure. It gets better because I listened to a man I really trust and respect talk about not being "De-Constructive" and in fact using MS as an alternative to those negative behaviors we all relied on to numb. This guy is a total wise ass but he centers me more than anyone else. It gets better when you rely on your network of close MS brothers and choose to heal and not de-rail yourself.

At the same time it's been great having our oldest home from college for break. It gets better when you see how happy the people who matter to you are.

Two nights back Danny, Evan, and another friend were sitting at our kitchen table while I was on the PC in Chat. Evan is the young man who lost his Dad on 9-11. I ended up sitting with them for a while watching how very close knit and how very happy these 3 college kids are. Just like any of us here they have seen good things in their life, and I personally know they have seen an unfair share of hurt too. They continue to show me and they continue to show each other it does get better.

Today is the kind of day I'd rather be home under the covers in bed. Today is kind of a day where I feel a little sorry for myself and not so sure it does get better. But f#ck it. I say it still very much gets better by venting a bit and using the tool kits we each have to deal and heal.

Edited by kb8715 (03/10/1110:44 AM)

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my son's senior year HS Yearbook.

This week I got to keep part of my promise I made to myself to make sure it gets better.

When I was at bottom in pain I flipped coins to decide if I would take a dirt nap or recover. I promised myself if I did have any recovery I do some simple things like be a more caring husband, loving dad, and better more giving member of the community.

This year I inherited a house in my town that I have left vacant. It's a big furnished place with a big yard on a real nice street.

This week there was a fire in an apartment complex in town and while no one was hurt some families lost all but the clothes on their back. A neighbor with Catholic Charities asked me if I'd consider helping out a single Mom with 3 young pre-teen boys. Right now that woman and her kids are living in a shelter.

Tomorrow they will move into that empty house. All they need to do is turn on the phone and cable and enjoy the food and cookies my wife is making them.

We ain't saints. I'm making up for the past like we all are here as best I can. It feels pretty good to keep a promise like this I made to myself.

We got it bad because of our abuse. Some got it worse and never felt an abusive hand. It always gets better when you help someone else out. Give it a shot and smile.

Be well all.

Keith

Edited by kb8715 (03/18/1109:49 AM)

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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