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Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Finley Peter Dunne, the
humorist, created a column and character Martin. J Dooley
saloon-keeper/philosopher who dispersed wisdom from behind a
mythical Chicago bar.
His musings were carried in the Chicago newspapers in the late
1800's.
One of his quotes, and my favorite was "Trust everyone but still cut the
cards.
My little town, like many across America, has been reaching out to business
owners and entrepreneurs to help resurrect an old, (and former pre-mall)
bustling downtown business district.
Modeling after some successful small towns (located not too far from us) we
have attracted some of the stereotypical favorites; restaurant/coffee houses
frequented by deadbeats for the free Wi-Fi, consignment shops, Art studios,
Farmer's Markets, renovated Railways Stations and of course the obligatory
Tattoo Parlor.

I am "tat-free" and have no desire for a colorful Dragon or Grateful
Dead dancing bear to grace my less than taut fleshy parts, but if I ever were
to sloganize my skin, this Martin Dooley quote would surely be one to consider.
It took years for me to realize the truthfulness behind bartender
Dooley's statement, usually after much pain and loss during my youth, when
carelessness and invincibility partnered with naïveté; trusting those I once
considered close.
Life's learning curves can be both painful and embarrassing, especially when
your foibles and indiscretions are exposed for all to witness, mock and leer.
As a father of a daughter, and grandfather to 5 little girls (with a 6th
grand-baby on the way), it would pain me if in the future I would have to
witness the embarrassment and humiliation now experienced this week by a number
of young, beautiful "celebrity" women who trusted friends and
I-clouds with very personal moments in their lives.
By all accounts it appears that this dissemination of photographs were
unauthorized for public view. They trusted friends, lovers and security but
were betrayed by technology and social media hacker-profiteers lacking
conscience for the sake of twisted conquest.
For those who want a sneak peak at feminine anatomy the Internet is never
lacking. There has and always will be those whose decision it is to display
their wares.
For the young women affected by this current scandal, you have my sympathy and
support of the capture and prosecution of the scoundrels involved.
Live, Learn, Move-On and next time "cut the cards".

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Mrs. Jaygerardtoday insisted that the vacuum she needed
would provide many years of cleaning nirvana, a little pricey for me, the cheapskate,
who could easily overlook a few hundred yards of dust-bunnies in favor of the
cheapest price at Big Lots.

True to her word, she loves the machine, we are dust-bunny
free and she has jokingly remarked she would “marry it”.

Strange how we casually use the “M” word, marry, especially
in this age when communities, states and whole countries are wrestling with its
definition that for thousands of years had been clearly understood.

Over the past few decades a tiny fraction of society has
successfully been able to maneuver media and judiciaries towards far-left
leaning liberal thoughts on the matter.

More traditional beliefs, still in a majority, continue to
hold onto a man-woman insistence as definitions continue in flux in courtrooms
and legislatures across the country.

The future is still being written but in some way I can now
see how the traditionalist’s metaphor of the Pandora’s Box has slowly opened,
with creatures escaping and encircling us.

Just this week a judge in Utah has suggested that the ban on
plural marriage, polygamy, may be in part unconstitutional and has made an
effort to reverse it. Somehow I suspect the average woman would not find this
arrangement the most acceptable, but women have put up with worse throughout
history.

Just ask my spouse.

The most bizarre related story I have read, to date, has
been the “marriage” of a woman in England, Amanda Rodgers, who wedded her
beloved Jack Russell terrier, Sheba, in a ceremony held in Croatia.

As Amanda has told the British press she proposed to Sheba
and the pooch accepted by wagging her tail.

According to news reports, the ceremony was attended by 200
guests.

Eddie (Moose) from the TV Show “Frazier” couldn’t make it.
He died.

So now do we not only have cross-species marriages, we have
same-sex, cross species couplings.

Will the fun ever end?

This brings us to the next level, human and machine.

Spousy has not only expressed her “love” for the Dyson, she
has utter the “M” word for everything from coffee makers to snow shovels.

She has become a hardware-technology hussy.

Her latest flirtation is the beloved Asus tablet.

As quickly as possible she relaxes in her Laz-Y-Girl each
evening cuddling and hugging her newest love until so exhausted she enters
slumberland.

I have finally accepted this new arrangement.

Last week, while she snoozed, I snuck a member of the clergy
into our home and had him pronounce her and the flatscreen officially united.