Search on Finding Joy

why being a mom is enough.

I’m talking about simply being a mom.

I’m talking about getting up in the morning, slapping your face with water, looking in the mirror, sighing, brushing your teeth (maybe), and picking up that toddler and wandering into the kitchen and pouring cereal in bowls, rinsing dishes, kissing the top of their head, and waiting for your coffee to brew.

There isn’t much glamour.

There is you. You giving of yourself. Minute, by minute, by minute, by minute until those hours add up to create a day which adds up to create a week which adds up to create a month which adds up to create years which add up to create a life. A beautiful life filled with ordinary enough mom moments.

Somehow in this mixed up media world of things to do and places to go and dreams to follow the beauty of simply being a mother is completely lost.

Being a mom is enough.

It’s enough, I say.

Sometimes we want to look to those big things and use them as a grade for success. We look at the cool science fair projects where our child got the blue ribbon. But, honestly, we miss the hours of interacting and holding glue sticks and looking up things and laughing side by side. We want the trips to Disney or American Girl Doll and discount the time spent in the backyard. The bar of success and joy and happiness gets pushed so high by culture that the little things, the enough mom moments, are lost.

Do you know what matters?

This.

The other day my 15 year old came to me and told me she missed me. Missed me? I couldn’t believe it. I was a bit incredulous, actually. I told her about the trips to the movies, the trips to the yogurt bar (are those places ever cheap? I mean, seriously, $24 total for four containers of yogurt with a variety of too heavy toppings? End rant.), shopping together, getting Starbucks, and all of that. She looked at me and told me that’s not what she meant. She told me she just wanted me present during the day.

Little things.

Like stopping my crazy busy mom and work agenda to look at the graphic design she made on the computer and really looking at it and trying to appreciate her talents. It’s about me taking thirty minutes to play cards at the table with them and not checking email constantly on my phone. Email can wait thirty minutes. They cannot. It’s in not worrying so much about the laundry and instead just letting that go and being thankful for a family to do laundry for. Just being there. Cooking together. Laughing. Giving of myself in the simple things.

Mom things.

The things that don’t get celebrated on Pinterest that much. They’re the just a mom things that I write about and celebrate. They’re the things that most people probably won’t see.

They don’t see you stand in the bathroom and gather your resolve every morning. They don’t see those of you who mother alone without much support. They don’t see the trips to the car back and forth and back and forth. They don’t see you counting to ten a dozen times before noon. They don’t see you look at the bank account and sigh and try to figure out how to make three meals with what’s left in your pantry. They don’t see you walking into the principals office, doctor’s office, friend’s house and defending your child.

They don’t see bandages placed on knees. Kisses on foreheads at night. Pillows pushed just the right way and blankets tucked to the perfect demands. Laundry folded and folded and folded. Tears that sting your eyes as your keep going. Dinners prepped over the stove. Times of laughter over silly things. Hair brushed and pulled back into pony tails. Prayers over wandering teens. Prayers over little babes. Nights spent sleeping in a chair holding a sick child. Days where the house is a wreck but you’re reading books. The brave smile on your face when you’re weary.

Don’t be weary, dear mother, in trying to keep up with a supermom agenda.

There is no supermom, really – that whole supermom who has everything together is just a fallacy. There are real moms. Real, authentic moms who admit that they don’t have it all together but keep on fighting. Scared and tired moms who keep fighting. Moms who are overwhelmed by keeping up with littles all day long. Moms like you and me who sometimes feel lost in a world of outward accomplishments.

A mother isn’t based on external perfection. A mother is the person, the woman, just like you. The woman with little ones in her care that she loves, and sometimes wonders how she loves them because they’re driving her batty, but still she does. She fights, gives, prays, works, and doesn’t give up even when she wants to throw in the towel.

That’s you. Today. Tomorrow. Yesterday.

I say that is enough.

It is more than enough.

You are amazing.

~Rachel

ps. Not only is motherhood enough, but your heart is too. My book The Brave Art of Motherhood is a rally cry for moms to fight for their purpose, for change and to find joy in the story they are living.

xFor those stay home Moms. I commend you. You have the most important job ever, be proud because your legacy will follow you in your children. If you teach them right from wrong, go to church with them, teach them about Jesus and his love. teach them about what Christmas is REALLY about and Easter. These are the most import things you will ever do. Be an example of love for your husband, love for the3 children and No frightening. Children learn and repeat what they see in their homes, so Moms and Dads, your children are watching you and learning. be the best example they will ever have and God will reward you. I was not fortunate to stay home with my sons, but I pray I thought them love, respect and was a godly example for them. I know my Mama and Daddy were. Thank you Mama and Daddy. your baby girl, Sarah Donald Ward

I couldn’t agree more. I often find that I’m so concerned with the outcome of something that I miss out on the experience at hand. I try to be mindful of the little things in life. It’s the awareness of those little things that make for a happy life, in my opinion. Beautifully written, as always.

I’ve been praying for an answer. Praying for some direction, something to keep me going… and there it popped up in my email – your blog. I once again applaud you for your words that touch the lives of those who need it most. Thank you thank you thank you for the reminder and encouragement.

Dear Michelle….One Mom on this blog says her four children turned out pretty great, but she wishes she had spent more time with them. I’m SURE if she can say they “turned out pretty great”, then they must be wonderful adults BECAUSE OF HER LOVE AND CARE!!! I’m sure she spent FAR more time with them than she even realized…just think, she had no cell phone, no Facebook, no email, no texting, no technology except a t.v. and stereo, basically. Same for me…and I’m so thankful I didn’t have those horrible interruptions in my day!! I loved every moment with my children…it was the most wonderful, and at the same time, the most difficult “job” in the world. I know I was one heck of a Mom, looking back…but while it was “going on” it took every ounce of strength I had. No one ever knew but God…because without prayer, I couldn’t have been the incredible Mom that I now realize I was.

Now, I’m an incredible Grandmother and it’s the BEST “job” I’ve ever dreamed of in my lifetime! This is like a bonus gift from God and I’m lovng it!! So, carry on you young women and look the other way when some of your friends wear their cool, VERY expensive sunglasses and clothing and purses, wear their watches that cost the equivalent of your monthly house payment, and continue being the incredible, wonderful person you are…because NOTHING takes the place of YOU in your children’s lives. EVER. The “Supermoms” are only fooling themselves.

Please, please don’t ever let anyone make you feel less than you are just because you’re not “employed”…or you’re not mega-wealthy…what a joke on them!! You ARE “employed” by the most important people in the world…your children. And they are you wealth…worth far more than all the diamonds on this earth. Blessings upon you and your children!

Thanks for the wonderful reminder to hang in there. These years with our children are fleeting and I have to remind myself of that often so I really enjoy these moments.

@Natalie, I’m not for sure what you have against wealth, but it is very judge mental to think the joke is on them and they are missing out.

I have enjoyed my children from day one, with and without money. I’m so happy you enjoy being a Grandma now, but please don’t judge people by the clothes or things they wear and have. There are great mothers, poor and rich, and horrible mothers poor and rich.

Thank you Natalie! Your post brought tears to my eyes. And I knew just what you meant about wealth. We have had to slash our budget for me to stay home, and with three kids under five, I am exhausted and barely have time to take a shower. You were speaking to moms like me who feel the pressure to be thin and fashionable, who are struggling to stay in budget and who maybe lose focus about what really matters when we see the moms who appear to have it all. Your words were just what I needed today. Thank you.

As always, your words speak right to my soul, right where I need to hear them most. It has been one of those days of attempting to juggle work and kids and more, but your words remind me of what really matters. Thank you. I will definitely be sharing this post with my readers because what mom wouldn’t relate?

That entry paragraph… it’s poetry. I am going to print it and hang it on my fridge in my home in Alaska, so that every morning this fall, I remember that my “normal” is everyone else’s normal. That I am not alone in this.

Oh, and “The brave smile on your face when you’re weary”… Yes. This is what I needed to hear.

I had this thought just the other day, holding my grandson at the riverbank. We’d gone down to an event to hear some music, play in a bounce house, see friends… the best part of the day, the most meaningful moment of the whole week, was holding my wet 7 year old on a sunny rock to warm him back up after a trip into the river. And his wet shivery little body reminded of holding his mommy when she was wet out of the swimming pool at his same age. It was warm, and it was sunny, and his body was as still as I’ve seen it in ages, just curled into mine. Thanks for reminding us all that it is those moments, not the things, not the places, but the being present.

As I stopped to check my phone as it was beeping from a text with your like in it, I was in the middle of resorting toys into their proper bins, doing dinner dishes (yes, three hours after sinner they were still on the table) switching laundry. All while the rest of the house is sound asleep. No one knows how the house is miraculously clean in the morning, they just know I am there to love on them, fix them sippy cups, brade hair for dance class and make one more pbj. Thank you for reminding me that it is ok to just play with them and enjoy the process of making memories and being enough! 😀

Never, ever wanted to be anything besides a wife and mother. The Lord has blessed me so greatly!Praying right now!1 Peter 1:18-19, 20 Forasmuch as ye know that ye were not redeemed with corruptible things, as silver and gold, from your vain conversation received by tradition from your fathers; But with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and without spot (21) Who by him do believe in God, that raised him up from the dead, and gave him glory; that your faith and hope might be in God.My email address

You have no idea how wonderful it was to read this. With 4 little ones, it’s easy to get discouraged when I find that my sister-in-law has her kids in soccer and baseball and swimming, and they’re camping and doing crafty things, and they’re vacationing at all of these wonderful places, while the six of us are at home, playing in our backyard with nothing more than a swing set. It’s easy to think I’m not doing enough. So thank you for showing me that there are other moms out there like me.

Sweetie, you are doing MORE than enough. You are giving them the gift of free time. Unscheduled time where their minds can be creative. They can find shapes in clouds. They can discover rocks and worms. Keep it up.

Can I just say that your gentle words and stunning “messy” hair combined with your loving heart make you the most beautiful person! Keep being you, because you are a gift to others just the way you are…

“They don’t see you stand in the bathroom and gather your resolve every morning. They don’t see those of you who mother alone without much support. They don’t see the trips to the car back and forth and back and forth.”

Loving your blog its exactly what I have been looking for. Having recently had my second baby I have suddenly had a revelation about every day life and the special things that make up a day. New to blogging also please check out my blog have no idea what im doing but enjoying it.http://snippetsandspirits.blogspot.com/

Thank you for this post as I spent most of the day recovering from falling apart last night due to grieving over the child I lost in the wintertime. My due date is coming up and I just had to sit and cry about it–the loss and the grief, but also the joy in the three children I do have and what would I be without them? This line from your post resonated the most with me: “The brave smile on your face when you’re weary.” That’s me–smiling at my three beautiful, different, wonderful children all day long. Because without them, there would be such emptiness, still, in my heart and my life for both my husband and I. Your blog is wonderful and your words are a salve. So, thank you again.

God has Blessed You with Yet Another child & even though nothing can take the place of the one you lost, let that child’s spirit help to carry you through each day in a positive way. Knowing that their spirit never really dies. Every time you think of them or mention them say thank you for coming to visit today, & give me a lift. I know this helped me when I lost someone close, & it made me feel like they were still with me in Spirit. I pray for strength for you. God Bless you & your Family.

God has Blessed You with Yet Another child & even though nothing can take the place of the one you lost, let that child’s spirit help to carry you through each day in a positive way. Knowing that their spirit never really dies. Every time you think of them or mention them say thank you for coming to visit today, & give me a lift. I know this helped me when I lost someone close, & it made me feel like they were still with me in Spirit. I pray for strength for you. God Bless you & your Family.

I wish I had been made more aware of the things that you write about.I did love and enjoy a lot of small simple things when my children were very young but failed when they were teenagers.For that I’m very sorry but I can’t change the past,hopefully I can do better from here on..I will do my best with my grown children and my grandchildren. Thanks for your blog.

As I juggle a medical practice, a 2 year old daughter, a husband, a baby on the way, and various other projects and responsibilities, I’ve been a *little stressed. My mother asked me yesterday if I ask myself what I want instead of what I need. Without thinking I said “I want to be a good mom”. End of story. Everything else comes second. Some days I do well, some days I don’t (with crazy morning sickness 24 hrs a day, there have been more than a few lately), but in the end what it comes down to is nobody ever says they wish they had spent more time in the office when their children were little. I think all those little things we do make us super moms, even if the “S” isn’t capitalized.

Thank you for this wonderful wonderful article. Just enlighten my day and encouraged me to go on with my imperfections. You are a blessing to all moms for airing our worth and reminding us that indeed, being mom is more than enough 🙂 Thank you and God bless 🙂

Thank you so much for sharing this. It hits very close to home right now as I am currently battling some health issues that have left me short of patience with my three toddlers (ages 6,5 and 3). I find myself in the constant state of feeling like I’m NOT enough. I think, of all people I should be over the moon every day, as I know what it is like to burry a child. I should feel more grateful. And yet, some days it’s all I got to keep it together. Yet, at the end of the day when they are in bed and I have a moment to enjoy the quiet…I know they are my world. It’s in the very small moments that I am reminded how lucky I am an how blessed we are for having these precious children. Though I have to admit with battling my own health issues, I quite often feel lost as a mother. I expect so much more…I KNOW I have so much more to give and yet…I’m exhausted and the guilt for not feeling enough sometimes weighs me down like a brick. I read this post and while tears stung my eyes, it was a wonderful reminder about the importance of the small things and that this too will pass. Thank you so much for sharing!

Thank you so much for sharing this. It hits very close to home right now as I am currently battling some health issues that have left me short of patience with my three toddlers (ages 6,5 and 3). I find myself in the constant state of feeling like I’m NOT enough. I think, of all people I should be over the moon every day, as I know what it is like to burry a child. I should feel more grateful. And yet, some days it’s all I got to keep it together. Yet, at the end of the day when they are in bed and I have a moment to enjoy the quiet…I know they are my world. It’s in the very small moments that I am reminded how lucky I am an how blessed we are for having these precious children. Though I have to admit with battling my own health issues, I quite often feel lost as a mother. I expect so much more…I KNOW I have so much more to give and yet…I’m exhausted and the guilt for not feeling enough sometimes weighs me down like a brick. I read this post and while tears stung my eyes, it was a wonderful reminder about the importance of the small things and that this too will pass. Thank you so much for sharing!

Thank you for writing this. No one in my real life says these things to me, ever. So, if I have to hear it from a stranger in a blog, then I guess it’s better than never hearing these words at all. Why can’t people lift each other up?

Life can be overwhelming at times, but the victory is ours through Christ! Put your trust in Him! Praying!1 Corinthians 15:54-57 So when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.My email address

Thank you for these beautiful words. From a mother who is doing it all over again, raising my young granddaughter, I often doubt myself and this made me feel so much better and I can really relate. Thank you again. 🙂

As a new mom (my baby just turned 9 months) and going through some rough days lately, I really needed to “hear” this. The words went straight to my heart and brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for reminding me that I am enough and that what I am doing, no matter how insignificant it may seem, is making a difference for my son.

you expressed a mom’s sentiments beautifully.. ur words are so honest and inspiring. i needed to hear it.. and believe me.. no matter who we are and what we choose to be..in the end.. being a mom is really enough!! thank you frm the bottom of my heart for writing it.. i shared it with so many of my dear frnds.. near and far.. we all are in that boat at some point and we all feel it. yet.. to hear it out loud from others is so helpful. thank you. pls keep writing!

It’s almost a painful reminder when I see things like this (similar to “being a mom is the best job ever!). It was a nice post but sometimes I feel moms write things like this because they somehow have to justify that they’re “just a mom”. I wish I could be a mom…not all of us are so lucky.

I found your blog through a friend today. I would love to be able to write like you do but that is why people like you have such talent…to speak for the rest of us. We had our children just at the end of the “normal” stay at home mother era. People looked at me like I had two heads because my husband and I chose to live on one income and make motherhood the fulltime job it is. True, we never had a vacation that didn’t involve staying with relatives, and few of the “things” everyone else had but I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. Reading aloud all evening while the children lay on couches eating popcorn or spending summer afternoons at the village pool are memories we still share even as their children head for adulthood.Young mothers today need you to not only validate their choices but to encourage them to appreciate those choices. Thank you.

Lifting up prayers to the Only One who can hear!Psalms 34:4, 6-7 I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears. (6-7) This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the LORD encampeth round about them that fear him, and delivereth them.My email address

Women are so hard on each other and themselves. It’s very easy to get wrapped up in what your peers are doing and what you think you’re not doing. Did my kids eat ‘lunch’ today? No, but they snacked healthfully all day on which eventually contained all the four food-groups and ingested enough water to keep them hydrated.What did the imaginary people on the sidelines say to that? Oh wait, they don’t exist. Today my kids were not the cleanest, they sassed a little, I didn’t clean the house, I did dishes at 4 pm, I didn’t even set eyes on my washing machine. But, I taught them to say goodbye to friends moving away, we visited, played and bonded with supportive mom group friends, we talked, played, wrote our names, added up prices at Sam’s club, talked about helping and coordinated a meal for a friend, played with our pets and neighbors, we swam, we watched TV (good Lord, save us, right? Whatever.) did imaginary play and even tried to rest a little. We prayed. I prayed for rest. That didn’t work so when Daddy came home early after a dentist appointment, the kids were excited and we hung out, made dinner, accosted the Schwan’s man (well, Isak any way) and just lived. We just lived our lives tonight and didn’t care who was watching or who wasn’t. I had a little wine. Yep, I like it. Sorry. Oh wait, I’m not. Both my kids, (and husband for that matter) are tucked into bed, as are the dogs. Everyone is peaceful and sleeping and I feel good. My house is messy, my dinner dishes are not done, but somehow I find the strength to move on It’s raining and relaxing and after reading and pondering this article for a while I just have to say, as long as you’re on the narrow path, stop being so hard on and stop judging yourself. Just live and feel good about it.

AMEN! I wish I could Stop thinking & wondering what other people think of me & my home! The problem is every time I try I’m reminded by my fiancé & family members of the “proper” way things should be done around here. So, once again I’m left to feel criticized & overwhelmed because truly there’s Not enough of me to go around! Between working 36hr nights 1 hr away, & taking care of all my own health needs, I want & need to spend time with my 9 yo, so that usually prevails over the housework. I do try to keep up on NY days off. Thanks for affirming that I don’t have to be perfect.

Love, love, love. We need to be reminded that what we do is valuable–because the current culture doesn’t value motherhood.Thank you Rachel. Blessings and keep up the good work (both in motherhood and in your fabulous writing!

I just love this post! Sometimes it’s so hard to press pause on everything and truly BE there. It’s a struggle, but it’s so important. I was in my kids’ room tonight cuddling our 19 month old son because he was restless and having a hard time sleeping. There he lay in my arms inhaling, exhaling, heart beating in tune with mine.. And it hit me.. How much time do I spend IN their room and not just passing through putting up laundry and picking up legos? We’re not perfect and neither are out little angels, but we need so desperately to be reminded to BE there and not just be there around them. The world is bidding for their attention and they’re being pulled away from us one inch at a time. Hold on, mamas… <3

sharing this with everyone I know on social media today. Your words are priceless, so important for moms to hear. FOr years I struggled against family thinking that this, this mothering, could not possibly be enough. Oh, but it was. I look at my 15 year old and say “I miss you” . she laughs and smileshttp://www.christasterken.com

This is beautiful! Thank you for this amazing gentle reminder of what it truly important. When I think of my Mother and what I loved about my childhood it is always about her. Simply being there for us and loving us. This is what I hope my son remembers of his childhood. Not how many play dates he had.

Beautiful.I miss my 17 year old daughter. I can relate to the bit where it costs money to just spend time with them 🙂 Coffee cake lunch, i wish we could just sit at home and have coffee or do something relaxing together that doesn’t involve her phone, texts and facebook *sigh*

Or worse still, Mum, i will see you in a little while and many hours later, i may have been lucky enough to set eyes on her.

I’m 61 years old and my best memory of Mum is just Mum and me, sitting quietly in the car, saying nothing, whilst waiting for the bus to take me away to college. Just being together and feeling the love was enough.

This is beautiful! Just what I needed to hear. Sometimes we mamas try to do it all and sacrifice that time with our children. We need to accept that we are enough just being a mom and that’s ok. We can’t do it all and don’t need to, for life will pass us by and we’ll look back with regret. This post is reminding me to sit down and hold my 3yo as much as possible, because that time will be gone before I know it.

It is enough to just be a mom, and you don’t realize how lucky you are. I am currently the breadwinner for my family and wish I could be the stay-at-home mom. I wish I could be there for everything, but right now I can’t. Cherish the time you have with your children, there are many that don’t have that luxury.

@ Karlberg Fam….Exactly!!! There’s enough whining on here to make one SICK. That’s probably why all of you are dragging around thinking, “Woe is me!”…Feeling sorry for oneself when you have a precious, newborn to mold and love and treasure…is…well, disgusting!! Get a grip and know this wil be over WAY too soon! And I guarantee all of you who are moaning and groaning now will regret it. You will wish with all your heart that you could do it all over again and behave as a true Mother would.

Anyone with a brain knows you let everything else “go” and concentrate on your newborn/little one/toddler until you can work into a routine. WHY DON’T ALL OF YOU KNOW THAT??? I think you just like pity and attention!! As I said, GET A GRIP!!! Did you think Motherhood was going to be as on your soap operas?…if you did, you are nuts. Plain and simple. So, for your child’s sake, become the Mother that you now are!!! This whining and moaning has got to stop!!

And please don’t leave out those of us whose children were floundering in the public school and made the sacrifice of financial security in order to bring that child home where she needed to be, and educate her myself so her self esteem wasn’t destroyed in the flood of people.

Our society sometimes chooses to view us all as religious whack jobs, not realizing that some of the kids who would otherwise be put on drugs in order to stay in school COULD come home and learn successfully in a healthy environment.

Being a mom is enough. In fact, it is more than enough. The best time of my life 🙂 There is nothing more valuable I could have chosen to spend my time doing for the past 24 years. The rewards are many.

i needed that , i’m a first time mom of a 7 month old little boy, which i love , but there are some days that i think i’m not doing enough, for him, i cant do it anymore but i still press threw those days , so thank you for posting and writing this, it gives me hope

I was blessed to be able to stay home with my son. I always felt our time together was more important than a clean house or fancy meals…we did things together that didn’t cost money…We spent time outdoors…not in front of the television…we caught bugs and other critters then went to the library to learn about them…if we did go to a movie, we sat down afterwards and discussed it…as I said, I was truly.blessed to be a stay at home mom.

Aw, this is really sweet. I read it after a long day with a sick baby. The house is a mess and he’s eaten nothing more than blueberries and goldfish today (no appetite). Thanks for the reminder that my best is enough.

My daughter sent this to me for a birthday message. I have been truly blessed with two beautiful daughters who have come into their own adult lives ten-fold. God is Good and I am the fortunate ones to witness transformations of sweet babies to testing the teen years, now to precious beautiful young women inside and out. They see the beauty in giving and tolerance, learning lessons daily as their mom continues to do. Thank you for this blog.

It might be enough, and I might be able to appreciate what I see in the mirror, if the spouse didn’t insult, undermine, and sabotage so many of those things that encompass being a mom.

Being accused of stealing, of cheating, of being lazy and a leech, destroying what I just cleaned, telling me to shut up when I’m tired or when I’m having feelings (not being emotional, just having a human feeling), telling me I’m being manipulative when I want to cry, of screaming that life was better without me.

Maybe a divorce would shut him up. You have to consider that your child will NEVER flourish with a “Father” like that…some “Father”…he sounds really sick in the head or completely jealous of the attention the little one is getting. Put an end to it NOW. The earlier in the child’s life, the better when it comes to divorce. My question is, “WHY would you put up with this man treating you like he does??” Give THAT some thought!! And best of luck because you’re going to need it. I’ve been through the “cave man” behavior…it has never worked and it never will. We CAN survive without being abused…verbally or physically.

(Btw, the verbal abuse usually always starts first and escalates to physical abuse. You really don’t want your child to learn abusive behavior, do you??)

@Natalie. Wow. Just wow. I had a probably hormone infused argument with my poor husband… But thank you for your opinion on verbal abuse; divorce and the proper upbringing of my children. May I just say….my husband is brilliant; my children are both in the gifted and accelerated programs at school amongst competitive sports. I’m happily married and flourishing in life. I hope your day brings you peace… It very much seems your thoughts and soul need it. I will no longer engage in a conversation with you. And I still very much appreciate this article.

My apologies. This page should never be a page of comments that are meant to cut down or make assumptions of others or any of that. My heart is that this page is only a place of encouragement, of embracing mothers in the journey, and of recognizing that sometimes life isn’t perfect. i’m truly sorry I didn’t see the comment until now.

So beautifully written, when my son was a baby I remember reading an article which said something to the effect of; new parents should put down the video camera and really absorb the moment…..it resonated with me and I made a point in those moments when I would have been videotaping to soak in every aspect of what was going on. The article used as an example how when you are rocking your baby you should make a conscious effort to feel his weight in your arms, listen to the sound he makes, breathe deeply the smell of his hair…..there was a night when my son was about 8 months old I did all of these things and to this day when I recall that moment the memory of his weight in my arms and his sweet smell is clear. Reading that article was a gift that I am so thankful for. I have videotapes of my boys but its never been of the big stuff…..it’s dancing in underwear and washing bikes with soapy water……I have teenagers now and am a single Mom and parenting them has been the greatest blessing in my life. You really have one shot at raising good kids……being present for the little everyday issues is what builds a life……Jackie Kennedy had the greatest quote ever “if you bungle raising children, I don’t think whatever else you do matters very much”. So put down the phone, put the girls night out on hold and enjoy your children…..they’re grown in a blink.

As a step-father of three and one of my own. I am amazed by my wife everyday. I’m actually embarrassed that I am the one who is praised for “working” all day, while my wife just “stays” home to raise the kids. She feels she has to ask me for money because I’m supposedly the bread winner. Her job is a hundred times more exhaustive than mine ever is, even on a hard day. I hope there is a father out there who reads this and when they get home from work, kisses their wife, gives her a big hug and tells her to take a break. Go to a coffee shop, go for a walk around the lake… anything they want to do. How can you ask someone to work 7 days a week, 12-20 hours a day without a break? Even the unions know that’s unsustainable!

@ Unknown…You are one of the “good guys”. There aren’t too many. Your wife is SO very fortunate to have you. And…you’re funny, too (love the last remark!!)…Best of luck to you and your very lucky wife!!

Thank you….this is so beautiful! And it is this very reason why I am….floundering since my first child went off to college. Part of my job description is not here where I can hold her and tell her goodnight every night. It is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my life, drive off and leave my baby at the university.

I still have my 11yo son, middle school now, but he’s even showing that sudden spurt of independence where I wonder…now what?

I’m taking a bit of a mental vacation while I catch up on my own “new normal”

This brought tears to my eyes. I work hard at being a mom and wife and nothing else. My husband works to support us so that I can choose to be a full time mom and in this crazy world of too many accomplishments I opt out, but I wasn’t sure how I felt about that decision. Reading this was beautiful and eye opening! Thank you!

I am a 75 yr old greatgrandmother. My husband has a Master’s Degree. I had one year of college. But my greatest accomplishment is my three beautiful children who are all college educated and have great families. My husband was in the military and many days it was all up to me. On two different tour he as gone for one full year. There was no extended family nearby the relieve me of a 24 hr. a day job….but I loved every minute of and have no regrets that I was there for my children. I feel that I did my job well and have lots to be proud of. You do not have to have a college degree or a great job to feel successful. Raising children you are proud of is a great accomplishment in itself.

What about DADS?? More and more women are abandoning their kids and going to party – thanks, feminist movement! All my friends are dads who stepped up and trying to be mom and dad for our kids cause women are out cheating and partying.. it’s a sad world and sites don’t even give us credit AT ALL..!! So I just read articles like this and replace every “mom” with “dad” and keep trying to find a real women cause honestly there aren’t many out there at least not in Cali..!! 8)

Its really a shame how women like you want to blame the Feminist movement for those abandoning their children. What excuse do men have for being dead beat dads?? All of you want to say how being a wife and mom are enough well how about SINGLE moms who cannot just sit around and feed off their husbands money?? What happens if your husband decides to leave you and your children?? What are you going to do then? Move back home with your parents and wait for another man to pick up the slack?? Wake up ladies! Nothing wrong with being a wife/mom but its ridiculous to get so complacent to not think realistically. Think worse case scenario.

You couldn’t have said it better! this made me cry and was just what I needed to hear. thank you!!! I am a mom of 7 beautiful children who I love and adore but some days I feel like a failure because the house is a mess, or we didn’t get my to do list finished. or….. or… or… THANK YOU, and thank you to the step father who commented about wives needing breaks and having hard jobs. what a beautiful comment and it made me cry too. lol

Beautifully written from your heart. I wish I could go back to my mommy days and change a few things. I hope I didn’t fail and let my children down. Now that they are grown and gone, my heart longs for those crazy days of mothering – of just being “Momma.”

I am a grand-mom now. My daughters are in their 20s. I was at the beach with a house full of their friends — special friends from childhood and we were talking about their childhood. What did they remember the most? Taking sandwiches to each other’s houses for lunch, sleep-overs and lemon-ice at the beach. They remembered the silly song I sang as I put on their sun-tan lotion and the rhyming prayer I had made up and said to them all when they slept at my house. The simple things. That is what they remember, what I remember, the simple times when we shared life.

Yes, I agree looking back, being a mom is enough. It is all that matters. It is that simple daily love and caring that spreads the love and life over generations since Eve. It is good, essential, wondrous even though oh, so hard at times. Looking back, worth it. Hang in there moms! when it is over, you will want to go back. Really!

As an anonymous commenter pointed out, the one filling the role of mom is sometimes a man, in my case a step-grandfather of four, beginning with the oldest 10 years ago, then the others when they were ages 1 through 3. They’re now 7 through 12. To all the usual challenges of a mom, add those that arise with age and you’ll understand why my refrain is “Now I know why God gave children to young people.” Still age does provide experience and I recognized early on what a blessing they are and I’ve done my best to do as you wrote, to be there for them with hugs and laptime, reading stories and all the rest. And like the first-time mothers and the working mothers and the rest of the sisterhood, I still worry that I’m neglecting the quiet one, too critical to the oldest one, too harsh with the sensitive one, too permissive with the sweet one and on and on. The demands of the role of mom are high, the pay is awful, the hours are long and inconvenient but even with these and all the other challenges the ancillary benefits make it all worthwhile.

My mom married my dad who was a widower with 5 kids. Soon she had a baby girl of her own. she was barely 17 years old with six kids and a husband who was often away in the navy. she raised her step kids like her own and even had three more of her own. she didn’t have a lot but i think she did fantastic with what she had!

As I am planning my daughter’s first birthday that’s in a few weeks, I really needed to read this today! I am keeping things simple and focusing on family–not outdoing other friends who came before me. The memories are what will matter to me, not the size of the cake or the amount of decorations. Thank you!!

Thank you for posting this. This was just beautiful to read and appreciate. Mothering is constant, unseen and a lot of hard work but there are so many beautiful and inspiring moments throughout the day that get us through!

I am simply humbled and blessed by all of your comments. Thank you. They are all so encouraging, but more than that, they are a celebration of motherhood. Grateful to stand with all of you moms (And dads) in this parenting journey.

I saw this linked up on Facebook last night and it was exactly what I needed to hear. I tried to be supermom with a career and now I’m home due to an illness and I’ve been trying again to be supermom and my kids are driving me crazy and out of control. It’s because I’m trying to be supermom and not stopping to enjoy my kids and those little moments that will be gone way to soon. Thank you for posting this and I plan to link to it during my 31 day challenge next month where I’m talking about some of these things.

Hello! i trino just like you. People should care about little important things that forms a new person. Little details. Big work. Congratulations, you touched my hearth, you put in words what I feel everyday since I’m a mom. i also have a blog: http://www.unrayoenmicabeza.wordpress.com thank you.

OMG…thank you! Now that you’ve made me cry at work. LOL. This is so amazingly well put. I felt every part of what you said to the heart. I’m a working mom, so I have limited time with my 2 boys, 4 & 6. I constantly have that guilt in the back of my mind that I wish I could be there for them more. When I am with them, I feel like there are so many things to get done and not enough time to do them that I don’t cherish the moments. But at the same time, after reading your post, I am doing that. I’m being a mom wholeheartedly. I’m cooking, cleaning, bathing, brushing teeth, reading bedtime stories, taking to the park, etc, etc, etc. I do do alot, and I know they appreciate everything I do. I think we moms spend a lot of time comparing ourselves to others instead of realizing what you are doing is so important. We are laying the foundation that our children will take with them for the rest of their lives!

Thank you for acknowledging a real mom. I’ve always said “There isn’t a textbook for Mom’s” and “There should be a book about warning young Mom’s not to jump in lightly”. The fact is, we all lose ourselves in our day to day world and sometimes don’t chose the best choice, or we miss something that was right in front our nose. We need to take a step back and truly enjoy our Blessings. So what about the laundry. So what about the dishes. So what about being perfectly together. I have worked from home a long time, and continue to do so. When I tried to go back to work PT out of the house, they hated that I wasn’t home as much. So, I quit. My kids wanted me home! 😉 My kids are 12 and 15 now and I really miss the long hugs and cuddles and watching TV together. The giggles we would have while reading in bed. Thank you for giving me these words at a time that I thought I could possibly lose it the next time I was sitting in the hallway (yes, the bedtime drama doesn’t end, it just gets later). xo

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Life can get so overwhelming and at times you can wonder what you do it all for. Reading this helps me to remember what it IS all for. For being a mom. You are SO right we are enough. I cried the whole way through your post as all the things you said are things I feel daily. Thank you again for these amazing words.

Could not described it better what my wife has done and is still doing.Now imagine all of this shared with a father and a husband and you know why is worth not only to be a parent but also to be a couple.

What a precious way of putting in perspective the uniqueness that is a mommy. As a grandmother of 18, I see the value now of all those moments I stopped trying to DO the mommy things I thought were important and chose to just BE mommy. Those are the precious moments I recall through a mist of nostalgia and a few tears. Our babies will always be our babies, but they are only little once. Treasure each moment to the fullest, even if the house is a mess and you are exhausted. One day, you will be able to look back without regret and cherish those memories, reliving them with tender joy. Blessings!

Thank you for your words and your beautiful reminders to us Moms. My two children are grown and out of the house, and my experience was much as you described. My husband traveled a lot and we moved over 8 times…so I was with my boys a lot. A lot of “little” moments, quiet conversations, shared pizza and Starbucks, that led to the relationship that I have with them as adults. Some days were difficult, some were lonely, and some days were just exhausting…but I wouldn’t change one thing or one moment I shared just being present with them at whatever stage they were in. Being a Mom has beenone of the biggest and best blessings in my life!

THANK YOU so much for putting into words what I feel every day! I loved your post so much I linked to it on my blog. I think every mother should read it and know she is enough! -Meredithhttp://www.thelovelyowl.com

I find it not appealing at all. Moms I know prapare real breakfast or there is a real atempt to provide a nutritional meal first morning sochildren can be ready for school in body, mind and soul. Cereal??? Really???? Eggs are a lot cheaper or peanutter butter sandwishes. Children not necessary “need to be defended” of whom? what? why???? Children need to be taught right from wrong, skills to communicate, listen to, be aware of surroundings, and what to do in csse of emergency, also what actually an emergency vs. urgency. Learn about character and self-accountabiliy. Seeing and treating those allies (teacher, coach mentors) as enemies doesn’t help your child to develop self reliance and the importance of each human being in this world about the world they live in. Mother are the first women in their children lives to admire and care for. Mom is not being negletful of your apperance but care for my interior as much as my exterior. Both are in harmony with what I’m modeling to my child. BALANCE, HEALTH AND DISCIPLINE = LOVE

“They don’t see you stand in the bathroom and gather your resolve every morning. They don’t see those of you who mother alone without much support. They don’t see the trips to the car back and forth and back and forth. They don’t see you counting to ten a dozen times before noon. They don’t see you look at the bank account and sigh and try to figure out how to make three meals with what’s left in your pantry. They don’t see you walking into the principals office, doctor’s office, friend’s house and defending your child.

They don’t see bandages placed on knees. Kisses on foreheads at night. Pillows pushed just the right way and blankets tucked to the perfect demands. Laundry folded and folded and folded. Tears that sting your eyes as your keep going. Dinners prepped over the stove. Times of laughter over silly things. Hair brushed and pulled back into pony tails. Prayers over wandering teens. Prayers over little babes. Nights spent sleeping in a chair holding a sick child. Days where the house is a wreck but you’re reading books. The brave smile on your face when you’re weary.”

This mom in your example doesn’t sound very happy. In fact she sounds like she’s barely holding onto her sanity. I don’t know what you want here. Are we supposed to take your message, that what we’re doing is good enough, and force ourselves to be happy when we’re unhappy? Or is the message that we need to accept that motherhood isn’t not designed to make you happy and to give up on wishing for happiness? That you have to be content with how crappy you feel right now, because that’s enough for you? That you wish you were dead every day but your kids are happy because you don’t show them how you feel and so you’re doing a good job?

I think her message is to find joy in the little things…it really is all about your attitude. I feel incredibly fortunate to be a mom to my 3. She’s saying count your blessings and stop wishing for something else.

I have been where you seem to be right now. I have raised my kids, the youngest just turned 18, and I have felt the way you feel. The secret to this is amazingly simple. If you keep your behavior in line, your feelings will follow. I learned the secret to getting through those times when I’m depressed and beyond frustrated is to keep smiling, and show my kids how much I love them. Not by buying things, but with cuddles, books read, picnics in the living room, whatever it takes to show them I love them. That positive action will bring your feelings around in time, if you keep at it.

Spending lots of time thinking about how you feel, and wallowing around in feeling crappy, only makes you feel that much worse. Of course, maybe you’re dealing with a clinical depression–maybe you need to go see a doctor and find out if you’re dealing with more than just the typical blues we get dealing with everyday life.

But ruling out a medical condition, your behavior steers your feelings. It may take a week or a month, but one day you’ll look up and realize you’re not so terribly unhappy. Get on the floor and play with your kids. Don’t worry if the house is a wreck, or the laundry hangs out in baskets all the time. Read books, throw balls, take walks, and show them by your daily actions that they mean the world to you. You will never regret it, and they will never forget it.

Finally, find yourself some other moms who stayed home–older women, who can help you through it. There’s nothing wrong with venting to other moms of young kids, but if you want real help, go to the ones who got through the child-raising days in one piece. The ladies in my church could have written an encyclopedia of helpful tips and advice for keeping a family going, and I was the recipient.

You don’t have to feel bad all the time, and you won’t. I promise. You just have to get a little proactive in seeking out support, and be patient with yourself.

Being a mom is MORE than enough! I love every moment with my kids, I love being a mom. It’s why I’ve opted to work from home for the last 10 years instead of outside the home making twice as much. I adjust my work schedule to their schedule. If they’re home, I am off. My house is not spotless, my home may not be a mansion, and my car is used and has over 100K miles on it. But I wouldn’t trade any of it for anything in the world.

JUST WOW! Thank you for this. I am a mother of three boys! I home school my oldest, go to school online, struggle with trying to feed them 3 healthy meals a day, and teaching them right from wrong! Thank you again. It lifted me up! I will still strive to do my best, but I am enough :).

I’m a non-working mother with 2 young adult children starting their lives away. I would suggest you have a plan in the works on how to deal with the changes in independence as they grow older or their leaving will be incredibly difficult for you. I worked PT as they were growing up and have only a few regrets … not searching hard enough and finding that rare M-F day shift in medicine.

Nice post but what about stay at home dads? This entire post implies that women are the homemakers. I stay at home with my son each and every day while my wife is at work and deal with all the same struggles and frustrations and joy with my son.

I just finished my post below as a dad. All these motherly duties are always just expected of the mom in society. And when a dad takes the role it’s unique, even though it shouldn’t be. I just read the article as if mom was interchangeable with dad. Sometimes I question if it’s just easier for women to do the empathetic, untiring and calm role of mom. It’s kind of reassuring to see it can be equally as difficult and does take effort for women as well.

Of course it takes effort for mothers. We are all human, we can be supermoms and dads… What i would like to tell you though Keith is that while mothers half the time if not way more are expected to do their job as parents and raise their children, while lately it is unique for a dad to be a part of the kids life, and that right there is hard to comprehend. How could a parent not want to be apart of a childs life? It is just crazy. I like that you said its reassuring as you being a dad, but please Keith remember every mom has their difficulties too.

Wow- what a beautiful written, poignant piece. I am on my own quest this year to find a more authentic life, as a mother and as a person. I am trying to find the balance between doing what everyone seems to say is right with what I feel is right. And, you know what? Pancakes and pajamas feels right much of the time. I think it is wonderful that we are starting to give each other permission to let go a bit more these days…

I admit that I started reading this post thinking that it was going to be the usual predictable all cheers thing. But you gave a beautiful twist to it. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. They made me feel better. I only have friends who have no kids. And often I feel very lonely and forgotten. But in the end I’m not alone.

Well I’m sitting here at my dining room table a big crying mess after reading your words. Thank you for sharing this sentiment because you put into words exactly what I feel every day. Every mom needs to read this post!

This is a good article, being a mom is extremely hard and rewarding, however, I think I was a better mother when I had other sources of growth and happiness in my life besides just my motherhood. When I was in a position to bring external joy to my children, and show them an example of a satisfied, independent woman, of the sort I’d like them to be. When I was working 50 hrs a week as a single mother with no child support, doing a job I hated, but never even complaining or thinking about it because I lived only to be a mother, it was wonderful, but I think I was more codependent on my daughter and her momentary happiness, and I probably spoiled her in order to keep her temporarily happy every moment, instead of raising the adult she’d become, which I was not being the example of. When I finally took the financial hit in order to do night school, leading to professional satisfaction, I was a much much much better mother, and I was living an example for her. Not that this article is about this, but for me, being a great mother meant that being a mother wasn’t enough in terms of it being the only source of joy and growth in my life. I think balance is best.

Once you give birth to a child that child is yours forever. It never ends even when the child reaches adulthood, that child is yours. Your blood, your genes, personality are theirs. Forever and ever. Eventually that child will be like you, have your ways and favorite sayings. It never ends.

Interesting timing that I stumbled onto this post. I’ve been feeling lately like all I want to be is a good mother, yet don’t feel like that’s enough. I also feel I need to be working, contributing financially, flexing my creative muscle, exercising my actual muscles to manage stress and feel good about myself, etc etc.

I love the post and it’s a good reminder. However, I have to ask you, if being a mom is enough, how/why are you a successful blogger? I’m an unsuccessful one and even I know how much time and energy is needed to write, promote, network, pitch, etc. I keep vacillating between postponing my ambitions outside of motherhood – perhaps indefinitely because really when won’t they need me? – and putting as much energy as I can into a writing career so I can have a career I’m passionate about while maintaining a flexible schedule to be with family. When I see moms like you managing both, I’m desperate to know how. And I think this is the struggle for a lot of moms; It’s not that we don’t think being a mom is enough, it’s that some of us do want more but feel bad about it, because as much as there is the pressure to be “supermom” in our culture, there is also an emerging counter-pressure that makes us feel guilty for not being completely satisfied with the picture you paint in your post.

As a mom who recently completed her family, I’ve sailed off a cliff in terms of the direction my life is going. So much of my life was on hold while I was pregnant, nursing, recovering, adjusting. And happily so, I might add. Now, as my kids grow more and more independent each day, I’m faced with the question -now what? Again, I know they’ll always need me, but what about my needs? I love being a mom and I look forward to each new phase and showing up as my best self for all of it, but I don’t think it’s wrong to want to more. Did it feel wrong to you? How did you manage the balance? Your work is amazing and a help to so many, and surely you don’t regret the time you must have had to carve out from being a mom to do this work and get it out into the world, right? Genuinely asking because I want to find that balance. I think I too am capable of being a great mom and a great writer.

Thank you for your really insightful comment. I appreciate the time that you took in writing it. The premise isn’t that a mom cannot work or should or shouldn’t or any of that. Truly we are all on unique journeys with unique paths. The idea of being enough is that no matter what the story – the moments that I believe that we will remember are those little things matter moments. They’re the times where we stay awake in the middle of the night or take a moment to slow down and hold hands or just keep fighting or all of that.

As far as balance? It takes work. so much work. So i’m behind on emails often or don’t get to all the comments that I would like to and all of that. It’s give and take and give and take. For me – writing is an outlet – it’s a way to process life. And I really believe moms need to cultivate their gifts and interests in the middle of motherhood as well.

It is strange, I almost did not click on the link for this post on FaceBook. I am so glad I did, I need to hear this today, really really needed to hear these words today! I feel like I am constantly trying to keep up with the laundry, keep up with housework, bills, etc…. I feel like I am failing at everything but reading your blog made me feel somewhat better, I guess I was meant to click on this link.

Great article! Just what I needed to be reminded of after a week, a month really, of really trying Mommy times. I’ve been down in the dumps and picking myself back up over and over and over. Thanks for the reminder that I’m not the only one out there fighting. I’m not the only one out there feeling less than, but doing all that I can. You’re right. Being a mom IS enough! LG

Brava. I have said, thought, felt and done everything you write about here…and more- I’m sure you left some of the really “fun” things out to keep it palatable! Some days just sitting still and “schnuggwin” with my 3 year old upon request is all I need to find center and say poo-poo to my unrealistic expectations for myself. Other days, I just need to know I’m not going it alone, I’m not perfect and that’s OK, I’m enough. Thanks for the reminder.

Thank you for an article that tells it like it is without patting yourself on the back for not killing your kids because they drive you so nuts. Or telling us how stressed out you are because it’s just so trying having to spend time with your children. I’m sick of those articles. Thank you for staying home with them and recognizing what’s important in life.and cherishing those once-in-a-lifetime moments.. I wouldn’t trade mine for anything.

I’m a single dad of 4 and 2 year old boys, going through a separation. Friends, family, child care providers and even the ex can’t deny how “good” a father I am, which is why I have primary custody to many people’s surprise. With the separation comes a whole lot of emotions, introspection and self criticizing. I focused my life on what I thought I was doing right in being a good father and husband. But it is so stressful, and I made it stressful. And now really being on my own with the kids is a different kind of stress. While I can at least confidently and happily say it wasn’t because of the kids that our marriage fell apart, and their mom is still involved, I still have so, so many doubts and regrets about myself right now, even though I’ve made huge steps in moving on from the marriage and letting go of past regrets. But on top of that list really is thinking and realizing how just being a good dad wasn’t enough.

I am however, taking more pride and re-learning how to enjoy my time with the kids, and improving how I am as a parent as a result.

Reading this was so incredibly valuable and I can’t thank the writer enough for being able to express these thoughts so well, it helps me enjoy the difficult, tiring and stressful times, which ultimately means this article is helping my kids be happy. And I’m glad for everyone else’s comments to see how many people also have the same stresses and problems, and value reading this. It helps me not feel weak for desiring such external validation for my efforts, even though the kids’ happiness and well-being are supposed to be thanks enough.

Thank you for this. It comes at just the moment I needed it most, when I feel like this is the hardest job I’ve ever had. But I know my kids need me and God is refining me through this huge lifelong undertaking of having children.

I don’t normally leave comments on blogs but I very much appreciated your post through tear-filled eyes so I thought I’d let you know. You get it. You truly do. Thanks for the encouragement.

I really like this post. I do feel that it applies to dads too or how about parents? I don’t understand the reasoning for leaving out the other parent “dad” in this? I do all of these things as well, but despite the overlook I do like this anf will share.

Ah, Jason, thank you for all you do. I think I might have to do a follow up about how awesome dads are – because what you’re doing makes a difference and matters just as much. My site is just written to mothers, with the perspective of me as a mom, that’s all. By not mentioning the awesomeness of dads am I in no one excluding everything that you do. So, from me to you, thank you.

Thank you! Many people think that being a house Mom is not enough? It is one of the most difficult and rewarding things a Mother or Father can do, being available, cooking dinner, folding laundry, cleaning the house, emptying the dishwasher, all things that Mom may not get a thank you for. Being a single parent for a time and having to step up and do these things I have an understanding! It is one of the most difficult things to do, and one of the most important! Sacrificing SELF for your Children, Family should not be a thankless job. I hope that all the house Mothers don’t lose themselves, or ever feel like it is not ENOUGH, it is more than enough! I for one appreciate every House Mom or Dad out there that even come close to doing it right. Thank you for the reminder!!!!!!!!!

Beautifully written and an excellent reminder to just enjoy the simple moments. My children are often awake at night time and want me to be with them at night when all I want to do is sleep, but sometimes during those nights some if my favourite miments occur, when we are snuggled up together in the dark. Those are the moments I will remember when they are grown, rather than the tiredness

brushing your teeth (maybe), oh STOP with the self debasing, I’m such a marytr for doing that you are susposed to do as a parent. No time to brush your teeth – BULL, Billions of parents manage to brush their teeth everyday. If you are that overwhelmed then there’s a serious problem and whining and lying about (not) brushing your teeth won’t fix it.

Ah yes, it was just written in the spirit of being real. Because sometimes there are days where the kids are sick or it just gets crazy. Everyday of not brushing teeth? Ha. Yes. Problem. (But the dentist would love that) But sometimes – sometimes in the midst of those crazy motherhood days? Probably.

I’m so sick of the complaining and moaning and groaning, I can’t take this blog a moment longer!! I am unsubscribing! What did you women THINK Motherhood was going to be??? Probably like the t.v. shows you watch where the babies never get a bath, never eat, never cry…just show up on screen dressed to the nines!! And the Moms, too!!

I raised two children so I know of which I speak (or type). You all get off your computers and cuddle with your precious baby in the rocking chair. Go for a walk around the block. Get to know other Moms…at church or at a book club at the library…ANYTHING but all this moaning and groaning!! I don’t know how you stand yourselves. And, chances are, your children, especially when they get to be teens, will not be able to stand you, either! Count on it!! (And I certainly don’t know how your husbands are putting up with all the whining…how horrible!!)

Or, a dad. In my house, my husband gets to do all the simple things. He’s in charge of the days that make a difference and will make our son a wonderful man someday. Just saying … being a mom is amazing, and maybe I cherish every moment because I have to work and be away from my sweet boy. But, being a dad is just the same if you’re lucky enough to have a SAHD like my son does.

I just wanted to say thank you. After a one sided argument tonight with my husband (whom I love dearly but he just doesn’t get it), I needed to hear exactly what you heart felt wrote. So thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you…I’m full of tears/happy tears. Thank you.

Thank you so much for these words. I really can’t express how much these words mean to me and how much they were needed today. Thank you for helping me realize just being a mom is enough because that is what I am just a mom. Your words made me feel okay with just being a mom.

I read the blog post and all of the comments. I am concerned. Of course, Motherhood is one of the most important jobs in the world. However, compared to 40 years ago, we are not mothering as well. Moms bathed and brushed their teeth while their children learned to play quietly. This taught the child that mom was the adult in the house, her needs were important, and the child learned patience.

Parents’ “hung out” with their children most of the time; sometimes playing together, sometime each doing their own thing. I loved the comments about being in the backyard because that’s what we did. Why would anyone choose to feel discouraged because they’re hanging with the kids instead of taking them to expensive places? These are the lucky children! They’re learning to have free time, be creative, and they are NOT learning to be materialistic and expect constant entertainment. Their memories will actually be better as well. The luckiest children are also those who learn that they are not in charge of the home, but that Mom (and Dad) are. When mom spends all her free time playing with the child, that is meeting more her need than the child’s need. Children need some time alone and they need to see mom having her special time alone. Children need to learn to respect their parents’ time.

Harried? Stay off the iPhone. Better yet, trade it in for a regular cell phone, and only check email 2x a day on the PC. One young friend of mine posts photos and videos on Facebook or Pinterest every hour. Stop wasting precious hours on electronic devices. Only use them to make your life easier – don’t let them control your time. Set strict boundaries. Turn off the phones at times. This is a huge time waster for many young moms I know.

When moms no longer let themselves have girlfriend time where they talk adult talk while the children play, this is not good for mom or child. When mom and dad don’t have Saturday night date night at least once a month and get a babysitter, this is bad for the marriage and the child. Have dad go to the grocery store on his way home from work. Have him fold the laundry and put it away. Better yet, let the kids wear slightly dirty clothes the next day and dry with the same towels for 4 or 5 days. A wet towel is a clean towel when it dries. We all did back when, it was fine, and it made for a whole lot less laundry!

Why are so many moms worrying about their imperfections? Nobody is perfect! Pray for wisdom, hang with a 55-yr. old friend occasionally to learn wisdom the easy way, and ask the Spirit to teach you from the mistakes you do make. Why are moms having to ask if mothering is “enough?” Why are we so insecure? Insecure women are usually in competition with other women. We are daughters of the King. Learn how to monitor your thoughts. Learn how to love others instead of comparing and competing with them. Grow up, moms! If you need help, get counseling or read some books on self-grown and self-confidence.

Annabella, thank you for your reply above. You are the person I want to learn form as a mother. Everything you wrote is what I have wanted to hear from another mom ever since I became a mom 7 years ago. Thank you so very much!

A friend shared this with me and I just read it AGAIN, for like the 11th time since yesterday. I shared on FB with the below commentary. I just wanted to let you know how much I love and needed this.

I greatly appreciate the manner in which this blog post is written. Instead of that incredibly tired discussion of Who Has It Worse: Stay At Home vs Working vs Single Moms, the author frames her thoughts in a way that all moms can relate without accusation or need to prove a point. Having been on both sides of the Home vs Working teams, I can honestly say (for me) that one is not more attractive than the other. I felt I could be “more” when I was home, and longed to be with C when I went back to work.The patience to wipe the same butts, fold the same laundry over, and over again (yes, with weary tears sometimes I’ll admit), listen to the endless requests isn’t easier whether you do it all day long, or after working for 8 hours, plus commute time, 5 days a week. It’s just a different frame work. My friend Kristin (who shared this) is a stay at home mom of six, the latest addition a child she adopted from Haiti. I think she is amazing, but is she any more incredible than the single mom working 2 jobs to support her kids, or the husband and wife working opposing shifts and taking classes so that they can be home with their kids, rather than put them in daycare? If you’re trying your best to piece it all together, to put on that brave face, to face that stove yet again, to accept AND lend offers of support, then I would argue no. Whether you’re headed off to work or staying home with the littles, the mom in the opening paragraph can be anyone, and that’s what kept me reading.

thank you for this post. I’ve been home with twins for almost a year now. They’re just 18 months and getting out is challenging. Staying in is challenging. Before the twins were born I worked in advertising, a very high-pressure, demanding industry. I loved it. I worked hard and enjoyed my professional success. it was a difficult thing to walk away from. I feel lonely and stressed a lot of the time. This article was a much needed reminder of why I’m home and what this means to me and the babies.

My friend sent me this – and you know what? I have been so busy, it’s taken me three days just to open it. But damn I’m glad I did. I’m a writer and a designer… I also work full time, most of the time wishing I was at home with my two-year-old. I can’t help but think about her all day long, and then at night when she’s screaming down the house because of this, that, and the next thing – I still manage to find compassion within myself to tend to her needs, and then…I get up in the morning with hardly any sleep – and I start all over again. Being a Mum is definitely enough. More than enough. I wish that I didn’t have to work… but I’m pretty blessed to have my wonderful mother in law looking after my daughter while I work, and she experiences all sorts of amazing thing – things that I wish I was there for – but pleased that my daughter has someone amazing to raise her with me.

You just said what I’ve been thinking for the longest…my little boy jumped in a mud puddle right after getting dressed and us heading out the door to run errands with my sister…she went to get into him & thought I was crazy when I just laughed…I told her I’ll miss the day he doesn’t wanna run and jump in every puddle he sees…her not having kids yet simply didn’t understand. Or like when he brings all the girls flowers when he’s playing outside… I’ve seen him stop in the middle of an intense game when he saw a dandelion to make sure he picked it, brought it to me & kissed my cheek…I dread the day he doesn’t do it so I cherish every little weed. Thank you so much for posting this. It reminds me I’m not the only mom this way 🙂

Not to say that motherhood is not one of the most important tasks that exists, but I don’t think that it is “enough.” Maybe for simple minded people who don’t care about experiencing all the world has to offer or the advancement of women…

There are not enough words to express how thankful I am for this blog posting. I’ve been a stay at home mom for 18 years while my husband was on active duty in the military. When we retired and settled down in one place I decided to return to my nursing, career only to find that the state we live in does not issue temporary RN licenses which would have allowed me to take a nurse refresher course and return to practice. Being a stay at home mom cost me my career and with that, a part of my identity died. I’m in the process of looking for the “reset” button, but really don’t know what I want to do when I “grow up” lol I look at my children and see them growing into confident, responsible, compassionate teenagers and adults who will make the world just a little bit better place for all to live. While this will never be publicly rewarded with a bonus, an award, or a promotion (or even Social Security credits for that matter) I know that I have had phenomenal success in the the most important job I’ve ever had…being a mom.

I love this, too many times have i compared myself to other moms who are moms of 2 or more or the moms that have jobs, or the moms that are a single parent. I feel like nothing compared to them. and, even though they are AMAZING, this article made me feel a bit better, a bit more important, a bit more okay with being a mom with just one kiddo. I love him, we spend all day together, we snuggle, we cry, we nap, we play, we paint, we laugh, and we love each other so much. Sometimes i just need to take a step back and really appreciate myself in what *I* do not what other moms are doing. Being a mom when I didn’t want to be a mom ever is perfect for me, doing what I do on a daily basis is perfect for me.

Last May, my job became a casualty of the Government Sequestration. For the second time in five years, I was unemployed & became a stay at home dad -again. For those of you ladies who get insulted for staying home to take care of the kids & are told you do nothing, Being a stay at home dad has been more exhausting than my time in the Navy. God Bless you ladies.

Thank you for this! As I finally sit down for a few minutes to myself, after putting the kiddos to bed. It is nice to know that I am not alone in my feelings of inadequacy as a mother…feelings of am I doing it right? Am I doing it well? Am I doing enough? The guilt that we feel put upon us, as mommies. This is just what I needed to hear. xoxo http://www.coastalKel.com

As a single working mom, I often think that I am losing the battle as a mom. How can I do it all? So many demands on our time that we feel like we are failing at least half of the time. Thank you for your words of encouragement…I am making a small reminder to stick on my mirror to remind me that I am enough and my daughter and I will succeed each day, each activity, each moment. Thank you.

Thank you so much for your words! As a single mom of 4, who has been feeling defeated lately, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for the encouragement and inspiration that I so badly needed today.

Not returning to work after having both of my children was never even an option for me. As much as I dreaded leaving my babies to return to work, i wad glad i did. As much fulfillment as my children gave me, i fo believe i wouldve gone insane staying home all day everyday. So yes being a mom is a full time job in and of itself, but being a single mother of two you have no choice but to get up every morning, rush about getting everyone ready

Not returning to work after having both of my children was never even an option for me. As much as I dreaded leaving my babies to return to work, i did. As much fulfillment as my children gave me, i do believe i would’ve gone insane staying home all day everyday. So yes being a mom is a full time job in and of itself, but being a single mother of two you have no choice but to get up every morning, rush about getting everyone ready

Not returning to work after having both of my children was never even an option for me. As much as I dreaded leaving my babies to return to work, i did. As much fulfillment as my children gave me, i do believe i would’ve gone insane staying home all day everyday. So yes being a mom is a full time job in and of itself, but being a single mother of two you have no choice but to get up every morning, rush about getting everyone ready and get to work. But the quality time spent with my children on the weekends and after work and school is what its all about to me. I do believe you van have bith a career and an extremely fullfilled life with your children. ♡♥

I’m a career Mom! Not valued much these days. After my peers burned their bras, became liberated and joined the full time work force, I became a dinosaur of sorts. Back in the 70’s, I just wanted to be “a nature mom”, “hippie chick”, “earth mother”, or as some cuttingly referred to me, June Cleaver. I wanted, and was content with being “a mom”. After all, raising a little human IS a full time job! I have always cooked from scratch, baked homemade bread, kept a clean house and gardened when possible. I was an organic health nut back in my teens before it was the (Prevention; Dr. Oz; Dr. Weil; Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead) thing to do. That type of lifestyle is time consuming! Even after becoming a single parent, I only worked jobs that fit into my children’s school schedules. But, you know, even my kids got into the habit of saying, “you don’t have a REAL JOB!” “You don’t WORK!” It’s the message society began sending out in the 60’s. Women that don’t work and earn an equal paycheck as men do don’t get recognition or have self-worth. I’d always dreamed of becoming an RN; started and left two different nursing programs three different times. God had other plans for me though. And during those years, I got to raise my 2 children and watch them grow up. I was available to participate in each and every day of their lives. I was also able to spend the last 10 years of my mother’s life with her as she progressed in the many stages of Alzheimer’s Disease. And to be by her bedside when she took her last breath. I have also been blessed to raise a granddaughter for the last 16 years. She will be graduating from high school this June. While raising one, I also got to spend time with my youngest granddaughter each day after school. So, maybe I didn’t get to complete RN training, or have a glorious career yet , but on the other hand, I’ve been privileged to do what so many mom’s wish they “could do”; be with and watch both my children and grandchildren grow up. I’m free to go out to lunch, the park, the beach, the movies, or wherever I want, whenever I want. And honey, to me, that freedom is worth more than the constraints of a juggling a family AND a full-time career any day! Thanks! ~ Joanna ~

it’s true even for the moms that get upand go to work outside the home everyday…or some days..for whatever reasons. some of which we don’t know or will never understand. and actaully it is none of our business. it is for those moms too!

it is even for the moms who don’t homeschool b/c they and their husbands know, for reasons we don’t, that it will be the best thing for THEIR family. it is for all the moms who do what they understand to be the best for THEIR family given the limitations of THEMSELVES as a couple…even in Christ!

it is for the moms who love their kids. who love the Lord. who love their husbands…or whose husbands may not be available for whatever reason.

GOD gives grace to all of them. big and small. rich and poor. single or married. He provides what is needed for them in terms of money, strength, grace, energy, and sometimes jobs, to meet the needs they have as well as care for their children.

the photos are beautiful, the stories are great. real life isn’t always as beautiful…except when the rewards come…the little smiles here, the hug there, an occasional “thanks mom” and best of all, the love for and embracing of our GOD!

This was such a great read, came at the perfect time. Sometimes I feel like I’m not doing enough, and feel so lost and confused, but push on and learn and just hope that your child will appreciate what you do.

I would ADD to the ending …. And after the “tucking in at bedtime” phase is over, once they start to grow wings, the mom is the branch from which they fly. The branch stays and and as the winds blow, she bends in prayer for those grown ones who have found their roost in another tree.

[…] I’ll leave you with one more article that I’ve found recently that just about summed it up for me. Sometimes someone else’s writing just says all the words we need to hear. Check it out. Why Being a Mom is Enough. […]

I have to thank you for these posts- especially this one. As I try to plan for my daughter’s 1st birthday party, I see all of these super, amazing birthday party ideas on Pinterest and wonder how in the hell I can pull one of those grandiose parties off– the ones with handmade decorations, cupcakes shaped like flowers, a candy bar for the kids, creative games, matching invites, a lunch that matches the theme — between my crazy work schedule, traveling out of town, my cousin’s wedding, yard sale, and a million more to-dos. I have now decided that a Costco cake, Little Caesar’s Pizza, and e-vites sent via Facebook are enough and I’m happy to save some sanity. I constantly strive to be that perfect, do-it-all mom, but like you said, there is no such thing. And I am enough for my 3-year old son and almost 1-year old daughter. 🙂

This is such a wonderful article. Thank you for reminding us all of what is important and to take a few minutes to acknowledge those moments that are building our children, families and memories. This is truly a gift in writing. Julie

Being a parent is not a walk in the park, especially a single full time worker full time student young mom. That definitely makes it challenging. Yet I have found more love in my 17 month old son that I have in my 21 years of life. Loving a human being, watching them grow, being the reason they are who they are because of you, showing them right from wrong, showing them passion for life, everything…everything about being a mom is definitely enough, and it has all definitely been worth it. If it wasn’t for being young and “in love” I wouldn’t have found my reason for life, I wouldn’t have got my associates degree and continue my education. Being a mom, being a single mom, being a fulltime worker, being a full time student, but the most important part of a little person’s life is definitely enough. So I thank thank thank you a thousand times for giving me just the inspiration I needed to keep pushing myself to be the best mother I can be for myself but most importantly for my beautiful son.

Thank you. No one has ever told me I am enough or that I’m good enough. My mother constantly compares me to every mother that she ‘deems’ to be doing it right. I try my best to be a good mother but it never seems to be. Thank you so much I really needed to read this right now. Xx

I loved reading this. I fully enjoy all the time I spend with my daughter and have been conflicted lately about how much I will miss the little things even when she goes off to kindergarten next year never-mind when she’s 15. So scary to think about. Thanks for reminding me there will always be the little things.

This is a beautifully written description, thank you! The sentiments in you blog apply to ALL moms, whether they stay at home, work from home, work outside the home, work multiple jobs outside the home, are ill or disabled. (Because regardless of our circumstances, all moms do all things for their children) Your words put everything in perspective, slow down, put your family first, stay in the moment, listen to your kids and drink in this wonderful, challenging, seemingly impossible job of being just a mom!

I love what you said. It is also important that you make sure that the readers are reminded that the kids grow up and leave the nest and it is just you and your husband at home alone. (in my case, it is just me) I was an at home mom. It was awesome. My husband was traveling a lot and I was home alone with them a lot. Then, one day they are all gone. I didn’t prepare for it. My husband left me the same time my last son got married. Now I have nothing. I should have made sure I have my own interests and have skills to work. Now they are all gone and I am trying my best to regain myself and I am having a really hard time doing that. Please make sure you emphasize that the women need to keep up their interests and have skills for when after the kids and if your husband leaves you. I just want them to be prepared.

So…your sentiment here is certainly sweet, and we could all use reminders to take time to just be still with our families. But I have to say…your title here rankles me a bit. “Being a mom”, as illustrated in your piece here, is counted as spending focused time with your kids. But I have to say, bloggers who perpetuate this idea, and who have contributed to creating this myth that moms are “being moms” when they are laughing with and cuddling with and playing with and enjoying their children, (and are, by logical extension, NOT “being moms” when they are doing other things) are doing a disservice, in my opinion. I get what you’re saying, but your semantics are wrong -and semantics matter.

Guess what “being a mom” is? Being a mom is simply having a child – a child you birthed from your body, or you birthed from your heart via adoption. When you have a child, you are a mom. And that means you are “being a mom” in moments when you’re swamped with work. And you’re “being a mom” when you’re being lazy and NOT cuddling your kids because you’re too distracted by Facebook. And you’re “being a mom” when you’re impatient, and when you yell at your kids, and when you feel like you just don’t even LIKE your kids very much that day, and when you plop your kids in front of the TV just so you can take some time for yourself and read a good book…in all of these moments, you are also “being a mom”. Heck, you are “being a mom” when you are fast asleep, when you are in the shower, on your commute…

What I’m trying to say is that there are no moments when you are “being a mom”, because there are no moments when you are “not being a mom”, because “mom” is not an action – mom is a noun. All that this “being a mom” mindset accomplishes is to make women feel guilty when they are doing anything except reveling in the miracles that are their children – and let’s be honest, most of us are not doing that for hours and hours every day. This idea just perpetuates the mommy guilt spiral that I’m convinced 99% of young moms struggle with.

So, moms who are reading this – you are always “being a mom” because you ARE a mom, because you HAVE CHILDREN.

Yes. I totally agree. In fact, all of my writing is exactly about what you’ve written – I don’t believe in mom guilt nor the idea that moms need to look at societal pressures to do more, expect more, and achieve more because, at the heart, being a mom – which you articulated again – is simply enough. We are moms – from sun up to sun down – and my heart is that we remember how that is truly the most important.

Emily – I disagree with your comment that “being a mom” is a noun. It is such in the colloquial sense of course but I would much rather think of “being a mom” as a verb and showing action. Being a mom is not simply “having a child.”

What a lovely article! My children are grown and starting family’s of their own. (Wait til you experience the loveliness of Grandmahood!)Your points on recognizing the daily small things as really important things is right on. Encouragement to the young mamas out there: Doing the little day-to-day things is so important to the security, love and encouragement that we give our families. What a wonderful way to minister to your husband and children.

Thanks for this encouragement. Sometimes it’s easy to get lost in the constant crying, the millions of time a toddler can ask the same question and the piles of toys scattered throughout the house. Good reminder to breath and know that I’m enough. Thanks

Products

Disclosures

A mom that shows up. Day after day, night after night. Good day after Good day. Hard day after Hard day. Ordinary day, Normal day, Just a day. Loving your kids. That, my friends, is what matters. That is Motherhood.