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Weather Or Not?

Another beautiful day at the beach in sunny Taunton.

Excuse me, but where the fuck was the Spring this year? It’s ten days into June, and we’ve had one lousy, rainy, grey, wind-festival after another. Shit’s wack. Now Spring’s officially over so Summer’s getting chipped away at too? It’s like we’ve only had two seasons this year: cold and fuckin colder.

One Saturday last month it looked like things were warming up and I was elated to see it was a whopping eighty-two degrees outside. Aww yea, happy days. I was expecting sunny and seventies for the indefinite future. Then to my horror and dismay, by Tuesday it was astonishingly down to fifty-three fuckin degrees. We had dropped thirty degrees in three days? I ask you, where the fuck else on the planet is that even possible excepts Ass-achusetts? I’m wearing shorts one day and a winter coat the next. Makes a man’s wardrobe look schizophrenic.

On May 16th I was shocked to have to put the heat on. On May 29th I was furious. Holy fuckballs, on June 4th we had a high of 53 and a low of 47. June fuckin 4th? That’s nice summer weather if you’re a polar bear perhaps, but it sucks a sack of dicks for everyone else. Now it’s almost halfway through June and as I type this I’m sitting in my house in sweatpants and a thermal shirt to keep warm. What am I living in, an igloo?

The only good thing about the Spring and Summer-free year thus far is I’m saving tons of electricity by not running my central air. For some strange reason though, the fact that it feels like I’m sleeping on a park bench when I’m indoors kind of undermines the joy of a lower electrical bill.

*Author’s Note from hours later:

Wouldn’t you know it, I spoke too soon. Just checked the five day forecast this morning. Today it’s gonna be eighty degrees, then 92, 95, and 91 over the next three days.