~ Musings of a Bean Counter

My Father

Yesterday was my father’s turn at surgery. He went into St. Joseph’s Health Centre to get one testicle taken out. Because he didn’t do all his pre-op tests the doctors couldn’t have enough references. Seems my father didn’t do his CAT scan.

It’s a little distressing to see my paternal unit lying on a hospital stretcher, looking so small and scared. He had an IV in and he wasn’t moving his arm around, afraid that he might hurt his veins if he moved around too much. Seems my hospital experiences reassured him when I told him he could move his arm around – they no longer put a needle into the vein for an IV but a tiny flexible tube, which won’t pierce his vein.

Surgery was a success, they took out his right testicle. The doctor told me (since my father didn’t have his hearing-aid on so he could barely hear anything) that they will be testing the testicle for cancer. The doctor told me it would probably be either lymphoma or testicular cancer; the latter is the worst of the two and spreads quite quickly while the former can be dealt with some radiation therapy.

My father was to spend the night in the hospital. His only request of me was to tell my mother not to come. She’s a little too fanatical about praying and her hovering would drive him nuts (I know it drives me nuts when I go into hospital) and what with a chapel just down the corridor she would be in her element, demanding a priest come to my father’s bedside.

My father’s antipathy towards my mother isn’t just based on him not liking being coddled, he is ashamed of her. The older both of them have gotten the more my mother has turned to the Church, to the detriment of her family. The Church is everything to her. My brother threatened to smash her statues (which are in my old bedroom) if she didn’t help my father recover at home, if she went to church and prayer groups and rosary groups at all hours of the day. My father wants to go back to LT next year, to apologise for the actions of my mother when she was last there.

Seems that some relatives had made an effort to welcome my father and mother to their “sodas” (rural retreat, almost like a cottage, but surrounded by forests and huge blankets of flowers) – they had carefully prepared a welcoming dinner for them both. Within half an hour my mother was demanding that they get back to Vilnius because she wanted to go to a concert at the Cathedral. It was embarrassing as my mother had violated every custom with regards to hospitality – acknowledging the welcome from the relatives, thankful for the warm-hearted effort they had made on a limited pension to provide a lovely meal, and realising that these people are her husband’s relatives. These two cousins have not spoken to my father because they were deeply offended.

My parents have drifted so far apart and the only thing keeping them together is that it would be highly embarrassing in the community for a 75 year old man to divorce his 66 year old wife.

On a cute note, my father was kicking his covers about to prove that he is still a vital little old man. Accused his nurse of being a very strict sergent-major, and behaved naughtly eating his meal before she could take a reading for his diabetes. Yup, the little old egg has diabetes, I didn’t know this until yesterday.

Re: ball breaker
she is nuts. I think it’s something hormonal – the nuttiness. Ever since she hit menopause she’s been super-uber catholic.
I’ve told her that with my surgery, if it ever happens in this lifetime, if I see a priest or a nun or even a rosary anywhere near me I will have her banned. It’s mostly for her own needs that she asks priests and nuns to visit me, not for my sake.

hopefully, still waiting for the results. he’s moving around and it’s easier to walk around without swollen testicles 🙂
he’s still scared, but there is one family member (me) who isn’t freaking out and scaring the crap out of him. I’m quite calm about it all, and he asked that I talk to the doctor.

Your father sounds like an interesting character with plenty of fighting spirit. I’ve heard that many old people eventually become diabetic when certain parts wear out — but (if properly managed) it doesn’t negatively affect their quality of life.
Unfortunately, I’ve seen too many married couples drift apart. And I find it terribly sad to see them living separate lives while living in the same home, and being married in NAME only. And even sadder are the ones who publicly put up a flimsy-and-threadbare pretense that they even LIKE each other anymore. In my opinion, a couple who no longer love each other and WANT to be with other, have broken their wedding vows.
Personally I find religious fundamentalists rather very disturbing. One of my relatives once got so deeply into religion that she left her husband and her two kids (and stopped interacting with the rest of her relatives too) — she was so devoted to her Church that she resented spending ANY time on ANYTHING other than running religious retreats.

i remember stories about you and your dad and your home life from when you were a kid. i remember your mom too. she was very strict. like my own. mine is a fanatical catholic and it drives me insane, so i can relate to the entire scenario. my dad passed last yr, and my mom has slowly veared from the church more. she’s just off now…..but i’m glad your father is ok. good to know he pulled through. you make ma laugh Mary, even in the face of surgery.