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Commencement Cancelled After Failing to Complete Event Registration

TheCalifornia Torch learned early on Saturday that Caltech’s 2017 Commencement has been cancelled after failing to meet the two-week deadline for event registration. A spokesperson for the Office of Student Affairs confirmed this shocking news, commenting that “As a matter of course, we hold the school’s administration to the same standards we put in place for students – anything else would be hypocritical.”

Oops!

-Tom F. Rosenbaum

In an interview with one of our reporters, Caltech President Tom Rosenbaum explained the lapse: “We dedicated so many resources to our fundraising efforts, which of course you’re encouraged to donate to, that Commencement just sort of slipped through the cracks, I guess.”

Commencement is a long-practiced tradition here at Caltech, but has in recent years come under fire for allowing students to engage in unsafe behaviors such as congregating in large numbers, graduating, and ceasing payment of tuition. Concerns have also been raised that the event could negatively impact Caltech’s reputation, an honor code violation of the most serious kind.

Seniors who were scheduled to graduate need not worry, however. They’ll receive their diplomas by mail within five to ten working days, according to Rosenbaum. Better luck next time!