Wednesday, September 28

Nicknames

With the Sonics inking Flip Murray yesterday, only Reggie Evans remains in finishing their roster moves for the summer. With that in mind, how about an in-depth statistical analysis of every Sonic player’s per-minute/per-second contri...

Aw, screw it. It’s raining outside here in Vancouver and the last thing I want to think about is how many points per minute Vladimir Radmanovic scores when he’s playing small forward while Flip plays the 2. So, without further ado, it’s time for the

GREATEST SONIC NICKNAMES OF ALL TIME!

C: Big SmoothReason: Epitomizes Sam Perkins’ character to a T. You can feel the slow, almost lackadaisical way he back-pedaled to his defensive position.

PF: The X-ManReason: Before the X-Files, there was the X-Man. The baddest man in Sonic history also has the baddest nickname. Think Wes Matthews would argue?

SF: Tommy GunReason: Tom Chambers never met a shot he didn’t like.

SG: DowntownReason: It ties perfectly with Fred Brown’s game, it rhymes, and it is the perfect 70s nickname.

PG: The WizardReason: Gus Williams was all over the court back in the day, and his moves merited the nickname. Bonus points for alliteration.

Kobe Killer was a brilliant nickname. Its good because Ruben Patterson probably has killed several people, and there is a decent chance one of them was named Kobe. Big Smooth is great. The future of the sonics center nicknames: Robert "Isn't very" Swift.

b-con, that line about Patterson made me laugh right out loud. What does it say about Ruben that making a comment such as yours is not outside the realm of possibilty? I don't like to judge other people's lives, but Patterson is one messed-up dude.

I didn't go into this in the article, but I never liked the Reign Man nickname. Calabro gave it to him, obviously, right after the movie came out and I always wondered about the wisdom of naming a great athlete after a stumbling savant. Plus, the whole "reign" vs. "rain" thing was too confusing in my opinion. Exactly what was Shawn reigning over?

To me, and I said this 10 years ago (chunk can back me up), the best nickname would have been Shawn "Hurricane" Kemp. Now, of course, after Katrina and Rita, it wouldn't have such a nice connotation, but there's alliteration to the name, it ties perfectly with his fantastic dunking ability, and his ability to just fly through the lane and obliterate the opponents' defenders. It's too late now, but I always thought it was a better fit.

Least fave:-Sweet Lew (Rashard Lewis) Has yet to really catch on. Neither did "The Quiet Man," but it probably has more to do with 'Shard's nickname-resistant personality.-Pookie (Eric Snow) Garfield's teddy bear has had one of those "steady but unspectacular" careers. Also known as "Teammate to Future Hall of Famers." Yawn.-Silent Assassin (Dale Ellis) At least, that's what they called him in the Costacos Bros. poster where they had him wearing a trenchcoat and sweats(?), hiding around the corner from a dude reading the paper, all while making the "Shush" face/gesture at the viewer. Like a lot of things that were "cool" in the 80s, it now comes across as just plain gay.-Reign Man. Like Nuss said, it implied that Kemp was some kind of idiot savant. But after hearing it every night on SportsCenter, it was pointless to fight it, much like trying to single-handedly stop another bone-headed outbreak of The Wave at a Mariners game while the Big Unit was trying to concentrate.-Larry Legend. Okay, Larry Bird was not a Sonic, but speaking of fighting against the tide, I always thought that "Legendary Larry" woulda been appropriate for a goofy looking guy with a goofy name.

Did Terrence Stansbury have a nickname? He had the sweetest non-game dunk of all time during the 1988(?) dunk contest—Statue of Liberty, baby!

True Sonics fans may remember this weird bit of nickname lore: The season before the Supes traded for Eddie "EJ" Johnson, they had another Eddie Johnson on the roster, but his nickname was "Fast" Eddie Johnson. Why do I remember this? Because I still have the team poster with him on it, and I always say "Hey, that's not Eddie Johnson!"

Here are some nicknames that I just made up for some neglected former Sonics:

I dare say, Michael "John Shaft" Cage certainly deserves at least a footnote here. Sure he's a complicated man, but he was always willing to risk his neck for his brother man. Plus he never copped out when there was danger all about.