February 29, 2016

The Week online picked up this article from The Daily Dot ("original reporting on Internet culture and life online"):

How polyamorous couples use Google Calendar to schedule their love lives

By Marianne Kirby

All relationships have significant milestones. The first kiss. Meeting the parents....

For Amanda*, Amanda's husband, and Amanda's girlfriend, it was sharing their Google Calendars.

Amanda and her husband of five years began exploring polyamory about one year into their marriage. There are roughly two million non-monogamous couples in the United States, according to Psychology Today, which cited Kelly Cookson, an independent academic, placing the number somewhere between 1.2 and 2.4 million. Including "satellite lovers," as Cookson called them, in that figure bumps it up to 9.8 million non-monogamous folks. And all those people — boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives, playmates — need to keep organized.

..."Starting a shared calendar with my last girlfriend felt like a major relationship milestone," Amanda told the Daily Dot. "We hugged excitedly and felt giddy when we reached that decision because it felt like an organic next step in the relationship. We were 'calendar-sharing committed.'"

When it comes to grand relationship gestures, becoming 'calendar-sharing committed' might seem insignificant. However, sharing an online calendar is meaningful to poly folks in that it reflects a desire to sync up lives and express commitment. "It felt very romantic and loving, and I'm so glad we made that call," Amanda said of her decision to share calendars with her ex....

...Formality might sound dry — unsexy even — but it can be something else entirely: considerate. Take Margaret Corvid, for example, who has two partners: her husband Bob and her secondary partner Bunny. She thinks the detail-oriented focus of a shared calendar is a great way to express her love for both of them because, in the plainest of terms, she is being reliable with her time commitments....

...There is also the reality that non-monogamous relationships sometimes have struggles with jealousy. While most shared calendars allow users to fine tune who gets to see what, Corvid chooses transparency with both her partners because she believes that, in any relationship but especially in a relationship that tends to be more complicated, openness is a good basis for communication. This complete transparency with each other, Corvid explained, builds trust....