A tribute to Farmer Tad … now listen to his banjo

I heard that phrase at least 30 more times last night. Conservatively, I think I’ve listened to it 15,000 times in the last five years. As a matter of fact, I’m guessing the above refrain is the sentence I’ve listened to the most in my lifetime. (Followed closely by “1-877-Kars-for-Kids …”)

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He only can play five songs. Which is three more than I knew in college.

The Fridge Farm Magnetic Animal Set, AKA Farmer Tad, is the Goodnight Moon of refrigerator toys. If you’ve given birth in the last six or seven years, then you probably own one. We received two of the LeapFrog toys in my son’s first year. Children can press Tad the Frog and insert animal pieces into his barn, and songs play through a speaker. (“You made a match, look at you now!”) My now 5-year-old son got too old for Tad, but recently our 2-year-old son became equally obsessed.

I can’t say I’m sad about Tad’s comeback in our household. I vaguely recall finding the toy annoying the first few hundred times I heard it, but there’s something reassuring about our second child continuing the tradition. Not hearing Tad now is like not hearing the wind or running water for months at a time. It becomes kind of unsettling.

One of my goals for 2011 — I’ll print a full list later in the week — is to use my ninja reporting skills to track down the original voice of Farmer Tad, meet him or her, and conduct an interview. Until then, below are a few thoughts about this ubiquitous toy. Please let me know what I missed in the comments.

– I appreciate the predictable simplicity of Farmer Tad’s five-song playlist. But in addition to “She’ll Be Coming Round the Mountain” and “Oh, Susanna,” it would have been cool if the makers of the toy slipped in a banjo instrumental of “Black Dog” or “Eruption.”

– The main purpose of the toy is to match animal parts. If you do it correctly, another voice (not Farmer Tad) starts singing “You made a match look at you now!” followed by the appropriate animal noises. If your children prefer to go all Dr. Moreau and try matching the sheep head with the cow backside or the horse head with a duck body, the voice says “A horseduck? That’s silly!” I’m guessing Emeryville-based LeapFrog gets a lot of letters from religious fundamentalists about this.

– In the realm of talking toys, the designers at LeapFrog are very merciful. I’ve never once wanted to chop my ears off with a carving knife while listening to Tad or his fellow LeapFrog friends Scout or Lily. The makers of the Fisher-Price Amazing Animal Train should be taking notes.

– Shortly after we shot the video featured below, my son brought Farmer Tad over near his cat keyboard and tried to play both at the same time. Which gives me hope that he might grow up to be a member of ELP.

– If I’m the person who recorded the voice for this toy, I would totally mess with people. I’d call my parent friends at work, say “I’m Farmer Tad. And I’m going to kill you …,” and then hang up. I’m guessing the real Tad underwent a battery of psychological tests or had to sign a waiver to make sure he/she wouldn’t do this. With great power comes great responsibility.

– Farmer Tad has run low on batteries at least three times since we got him, and let me tell you, his banjo skills deteriorate rapidly. He slurs words beyond recognition and his guitar gets all jangly, like a Bob Dylan concert in the early 1980s. When I change the batteries, I pretend that Farmer Tad just got out of rehab. (I’m pretty sure that’s the plot of “Country Strong.”)

– When I get my band together, this is how I’m going to start every song: Even if I’m playing an acoustic version of “Mr. Brownstone,” I’m still going to lean my guitar against my knee, and tell the audience all VH1 Storytellers-style “… I’m Farmer Tad. Now listen to my banjo …”

– Farmer Tad. Great name for a punk band.

PETER HARTLAUB is the pop culture critic at the San Francisco Chronicle and founder of this parenting blog, which admittedly sometimes has nothing to do with parenting. Follow him on Twitter at www.twitter.com/peterhartlaub. Your questions answered on VYou at www.vyou.com/peterhartlaub.