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50 Shades of Grey a.k.a 50 Hours of My Life I Can Never Get Back

Yep. I got sucked into the phenomenon of the “50 Shades of Grey” Series.
I resisted it for as long as I could, but everyone and their cat raved about how awesome it was and how it will change your life. I’m confused. Were we reading the same book?

I haven’t actually finished the last book of the series. I’m struggling to get through it. When it comes to books I have to finish them, even if they are so so so bad.

I’m embarrassed to say, but this book is also known as “Mommy Porn.” It has a lot and I mean a lot of sex. It becomes redundant as most everything is in this book.

I know I’m probably going to offend the die hard fans of this book, but once again, this is my opinion. I have read a lot of books, ever since I was a little girl I have loved to read. I consider myself pretty well rounded, and I don’t get offended easily so that is not the main issue I have with this book. I like to believe that I know good writing and an interesting story line when I read it. I’m not saying that my writing is perfect either, but when you are a best seller, I would expect better. Who in the hell published this book? Didn’t anyone proofread it?
The issues I have with this book are numerous, but I’ll keep them to a minimum.

1. This is basically a remake of the Twilight Series, only with a bunch of sex and very poor writing.

2. The author of this book obviously used the thesaurus WAY too many times during her writing. I am a smart girl and I have read many books in my day, yet you should see the dictionary on my phone. It is filled with words I have never heard before in my ENTIRE life. It would be different if this book was historical, sophisticated in some way, or War & Peace. It’s not…at all.3. I cannot stand the helpless girl act who has no identity until she meets this ass of a man who wants to beat her, but then decided he loves her in 3 weeks time. He’s a billionaire so it’s okay that he wants to do that and that he stalks and invades her privacy in every way. It’s so charming.

4. If I have to hear one more reference to her inner goddess, which is her inner slut or a remark about her subconscious, I’m going to put myself out of my misery. That’s why I can’t finish the last book. I’ve had it. I’ve absolutely had it.5. Between her incessant lip biting, eye rolling, and calling her vagina “down there” or “her sex”, I was pretty sure a 16 year old giggling girl wrote the book.

6. She overused words to the max. I’ve never heard the words “beguile”, “jeez”, and “clamber” so much in my entire life.

I don’t know why, but it bothers me that all these women like love this book. It’s great if that’s what you are into, but I’m sure there are hundreds of other erotica books that are written much better than this. I was expecting more out of this, I think that’s why it’s pissing me off. The story line is slow and boring, although it picks up a little in the second book, and tries it’s hardest to be interesting in the third.

I think these books give false hope and expectations to women. It’s also disturbing to me that women make comments about finding that perfect guy like Christian Grey. Really? Sure he’s wealthy and handsome, those attributes I can understand. He wants to punish and beat her, he stalks her every move, he needs constant reassurance that she loves him, and he’s 10 times moodier than I am on my period. In other words, he’s a rich douche bag. Sounds like a great catch to me. Good news is that there are plenty of stalkers and douche bags out there, it’s just finding that right combination ladies.

There is my rant. I had to get it off my chest. Obviously I don’t recommend reading this book. Save yourself the time and don’t be an idiot like me and read the books begrudgingly. I’m not the only one who feels this way either, there are over 2,000 reviews on Amazon warning you of the same things I have just spoken of. Take heed, my friends.