I don't quite mean how I phrased it. I want to know if any of you have any friends or family who are caregivers of spouses, elderly parents or sick/ disabled children, who have refused outside help from anyone, including nursing homes, homecare/ home visiting nurses and even other family members, to the point where it is effecting there health. And they are still refusing outside help. Particularly if their dr recommeded they get help to care for the loved one. I know of a wife whose husband had dementia. She had cancer. As far as I know it was getting more difficult for her to care for her husband so she got homecare. My aunt was assigned at the caregiver. I don't know if my aunt knew this before or after she was let go from the client (actually I don't know if it was my aunt let go from the client or the wife let the company go) but it was discovered that the wife didn't like my aunt talking to her husband. My aunt said, and I agree, how was she to care for the man without talking to him? This kind of reminds me of my great aunt (by marriage). A number of years ago my great uncle was diagnosed with alzheimer's disease. Although she did eventually hire homecare workers (that she had until my great uncle died), she refused to put him in a nursing home. Maybe she had promised him she wouldn't, I don't know. But from what I learned in college, particularly alzheimr's disease, I couldn't promise someone I'd never put them in a nursing home. If my parents asked me to promise them that, I would say probably that I would do my best, but that it could come a time where me and or my siblings might become burned out or that their care might increase to a level we cannot care for. I do believe that if 24/7 care is needed that a nursing home is likely to be cheaper. For example, if homecare costs say $18 an hour, it will cost $432 a day, or around $12,096 a month, equalling to about 145,152+ a year. If you are lucky (especially if your loved one is receiving live in care) the cost is slightly reduced (paying for 16-20 hours a day or so). making the cost around $120,960 a year. And while nursing homes are still expensive, it often costs between $70,000-$80,000 saving someone around $41,000 to $45,000 a year. As well there are people there 24/ 7 care for the family member as well as people to cook and clean, and often programs and physiotherapists and social workers and more too.

Knowing that alzheimer's disease exists, especially if it runs in your family, do you believe it is a good idea to promise (if asked) to not put ones parents in a nursing home (or the like)? My opinion is no. Suppose you did promise and something, alzheimer's/ dementia or not, occured that made caring for such person extremely difficult, and possibly could require a family member to give up their job. While its family, I don't believe that anyone, unless they can afford to AND wants to, should be REQUIRED to give up their job to care for family. Imagine having either single individuals or married individuals that require both spouses working are in the family. Who then can give up their job? Also, I know of a situation where a wife had to put her husband (who had alzheimer's disease) into a nursing home because it came to the point where caring for him was effecting her health. I might have already said this, but if it were my parents, I would tel them that although I would like to promise them, I cannot because I know its possible that their care could become so great that it would effect my/ my siblings health. What a person wants, and what is best isn't always the same.