Dating Advice: How to Be a Man Magnet

Attracting guys has never been a problem for Julie Wilson, 34. The Greensboro, North Carolina, native has been proposed to an astonishing four times. “My friends can’t understand why even so-called players want to run down the aisle with me,” she says. “And they keep calling me long after the relationship ends.” Wilson’s fantastic, but so are plenty of other girls—so what is it about women like her that men just can’t resist? What do they know that the rest of us don’t? We present to you: their secrets! Soak ‘em in, then do some super-attracting of your own.

Go Out Looking for a Good Time—Not Your Future Husband

Super-attractor Rule No. 1: Don’t go hunting. “Too many girls focus on meeting The One when they should be looking for a tasty drink and a fun night out,” says Amber Kallor, a 26-year-old in New York City who’s known for getting guys of all stripes—hipsters, bankers, sailors, you name it—hopelessly hooked. “When you’re out seeking your ‘penguin’—you know, because penguins mate for life—men sense that, and no guy wants or needs that kind of pressure.” Adam LoDolce, a Boston-based dating coach and author of Being Alone Sucks!: How to Build Self-Esteem, Confidence and Social Freedom to Transform Your Dating and Social Life (cheesy title, solid advice), agrees. “There’s nothing more appealing than the girl who carries herself like she’s having a good time,” he says. “Who wouldn’t want to be around her?” So buy your own martini, and enjoy yourself. That’s penguin bait.

Never Bash Other Women

Another insight man magnets share: Being catty will get you nowhere with guys. Men want to know that you’re confident. “Think about it: If you two start dating, he has a mom, sisters and female friends he’ll want you to spend time with,” says Marie Salazar, 29, a marketer from San Francisco whose male buddies are all in love with her (or so say her annoyed girl-friends). “Showing a guy that it won’t be a nightmare to bring you to a family dinner is a good first step.” Philadelphian Meredith Klein, 23, sums it up this way: “Someone else’s strengths don’t make you look bad—but being jealous and insecure does.”

Be Easy

We’re not talking Jersey Shore easy; we’re talking easygoing. Guys are drawn to girls they can picture having fun with in either a dive bar or a schmancy restaurant. “Men appreciate that I can hang with their friends, kill it at a work event and chill at home,” says New Yorker LaNora Williams-Clark, 32, who has been single for a total of three months since she started dating more than 15 years ago. “It boils down to charm and an ability to roll with the punches.”

Don’t Dress for Girls

The super-trendy stuff you’d wear to impress your friends often leaves men cold. Guys Glamour spoke to gave the thumbs-down to maxidresses (“They cover too much skin,” says Rob, 38), rompers (“How do you even pee?” asks Thomas, 36) and harem pants (“MC Hammer is calling,” quips Kyle, 30). But you don’t have to squeeze into a Kardashidress to get his attention, either. What’s universally sexy, according to men? A woman in a white tee, cute-butt jeans and a pair of heels. Done and done.

Be (Genuinely) Busy

This trick’s not about playing hard to get; it’s about having so much great stuff going on in your world that he wants to be a part of it. “Women who are genuinely busy feel more fulfilled, are happier and are more confident—three powerful magnets for attracting men,” says Angelica Perez-Litwin, Ph.D., a Nyack, New York, psychologist and relationship counselor. Says Mickelle Jackson, 30, a school administrator from Trenton, New Jersey, who’s had more than a few male friends confess romantic feelings: “If a man has to choose between a clingy beauty and an unavailable average girl, he will choose average every time.”

Two Words: No Bitching

When your crazy boss is blowing up your iPhone after hours and your sister is insisting you wear pistachio-and-melon-striped chiffon to her wedding, it can be easy to slip into a monologue about why life sucks. Don’t! “It makes you look like a drama queen, and if there’s one thing all guys hate, it’s drama,” says Christina Nguyen, a 31-year-old from Minneapolis who’s been told her fun-loving attitude makes her memorable. LoDolce agrees: “It’s impossible to flirt if you’re complaining.”

Let Him See Your Ambitious Side

It’s a corollary of “be busy”: Guys like women who have passions in life, so show yours! “When my husband and I were dating, he would always tell me how much my ambition inspired him to be better,” says Jessica Guberman, 34, a vice president of marketing and development for a national nonprofit in Princeton, New -Jersey. For Alexa Carlin, 20, of Wellington, Florida, fulfilling her dream of running her own fashion company caused a noticeable spike in male attention: “Girls who are motivated to accomplish their dreams show drive and determination—guys love those qualities.” Sharing your goals up front also affects the type of guy you attract. “High-quality men are drawn to ambitious women,” LoDolce believes. “I hate when women worry about intimidating men. If a guy is intimidated by you, he doesn’t deserve you.” Amen to that.

Be the Person You Want to Date

Sounds simple, but you can’t seek a man who is secure, self-assured and emotionally evolved if you’re not all of those things yourself. It’s basic relationship karma! “If you wouldn’t want to date yourself, then how can you expect someone else to want to date you?” says Lina Shivangi, a 31-year-old marketing director from Austin, Texas. Nadarah Butler, 31, a doctor living in Los Angeles who has never gone more than a year without a serious boyfriend, agrees: “If you haven’t figured out who you are yet, you can’t possibly know what you want in a guy.”

Perfect the Art of Sexting

“So much of flirting goes on somewhere other than in person,” says Thaisa Gee, 32, a Chicago-based PR consultant. But you don’t have to be explicit—in fact, it’s better if you’re not (so embarrassing the next day!). There’s one text that never fails to get him excited about seeing you, say our super-attractors. Ready? “Come play.”