At the end of it, when I'd come to write this post, in that moment.... I wasn't content.

I wasn't content for myself. I wasn't content for the 30+ other women I'm praying for right now.

I don't feel that way everyday.... some days are much easier than others.

So I changed the title to "choosing contentment in infertility" and decided to write a different day.

I've prayed about this post, wanting to be as transparent as possible without omitting the hope and peace and grace that God floods me with daily.

In my prayer and study the title changed to what you see now....

FIGHTING FOR CONTENTMENT IN FERTILITY.

The fight for contentment is a battle fought daily.

In infertility. In singleness. In finances. In body image. In marriage. In motherhood. In illness. In career.

This list could go on for hours.

Contentment, for many, is not simply chosen.

It is fought for.

So in these next few paragraphs, I'm going to unpack that a little.

If you look up the definition of contentment on Google you'll get many different phrases.

Here are a few....

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content (adj)

(1) in a state of peaceful happiness.

(2) satisfied with a certain level of achievement, good fortune, etc., and not wishing for more.

content (v)

(1) satisfy (someone)

(2) accept as adequate despite wanting more or better

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I'll be honest... there's not one of these on it's own that I believe fits.

So drawing from definitions and scripture here's my take.

content (adj) // in a state of peace and appreciation despite longings, emotions, and hardships

There are moments, days, even weeks, when the battle for contentment is won without much fighting. The peace in this struggle and appreciation for this season drench me. Though I long and I grieve, my heart breaks and I bawl, the peace and appreciation are constantly present.

Oh but friend, then there are the moments, days, weeks, months when I feel like the war between my flesh and my spirit never. takes. a. break. With every picture, video, status, comment, pin, blog, show, verse, and conversation, the war only rages. With a smile on my face and tears in my eyes and hope in my heart, I charge my flesh.

I have moments where I'm stabbed, shot, punched, and tackled. Sometimes with mighty forces I can see coming for a mile and other times with subtle poisons I had no idea were near.

I have moments in my wounding and defeat that I feel so close to crushed, abandoned, slain. Moments when I want to avoid anything and anyone that makes me think of babies. Times that I want to shut off my phone, close my social media accounts, avoid the world and cry for days and days.

But then there is the triumph. There's the Knight that swoops in and reminds my heart that the battle doesn't end this way. He reminds me that He can heal every wound, has grace for every defeat, and will use every scar. He reminds me that this battle that we're fighting is not about the earthly motives.

Though this longing will make me a better mother, that's not why I fight for contentment.

Though the suffering will produce perseverance, that's not why I fight for contentment.

Though what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, that's not why I fight for contentment.

I fight for contentment and you fight for contentment for the same reason we should do everything else.

For the glory of God. For the sake of Christ.

Can you imagine what the life of Paul would have looked like if he had grown bitter and sulked in self-pity?

Just picture his ministry (or lack of) if he had sat down and stopped fighting for contentment.

Paul did not WANT to thorn in his flesh. I don't imagine that he walked around happy-go-lucky. He was a human with longings and emotions just like you and I. But he fought for contentment and God used him.

I don't want to come to the end of this season or to the end of my life, for that matter, and see no fruit from my sorrow.

I want to be used by Him regardless of the circumstances.

I want Him to be exalted in my valleys and on my mountains.

So even though infertility is not my favorite season. I know God is using it.

So I will fight for contentment....

not for the sake of bettering myself, strengthening myself, or forcing a smile.

I will fight for contentment for the sake of Christ.

2 Corinthians 12.10 "For the sake of Christ, then I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

If you are dealing with infertility, oh how I would love for you to share this image with the link to this post.

Maybe infertility isn't what you fight for contentment in. I am including some pictures below (thanks to all the Facebook friends who shared what you struggle with!) for you as well. I would LOVE for you to save the image that represents you and share it with this link! Lets encourage the world to fight for contentment today.

If you would like an image made for that which you are content with I will gladly make and send you one! Email me at brandymillerwriting(at)gmail(dot)com or leave it in the comments! Will you fight for contentment with me?

Contentment in life is definitely a daily battle. We all have things we are striving for and must face the challenge daily. I am sure there are so many others that can relate to your thoughts and feelings. That's why we need a Savior, after all. I am so thankful He is with us through it all, aren't you? Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts with us!

Brandy, these words and buttons are so beautiful. Contentment is certainly a fight at times, and sometimes it doesn't even feel worth fighting for (even though it always is). I'm in a similar season right now of endless baby showers, pregnancy announcements (4 in 3 days!), baby videos. It seems like every woman I know is pregnant or nursing. I want to be the woman who celebrates with my friends, but this is really hard. Thanks for sharing so vulnerably and for having the courage to be honest about this struggle.

Yes. There are babies everywhere!!!!! I'm glad you could relate. Stay tuned there are many posts coming about friendships in infertility in the next month or so :) Praying right now that you're sweet baby will come soon and that in the meantime he spreads His peace like a blanket. <3

Brandy! This is one of my biggest fears, is to realize I'm infertile when we start having kids in the next few years. My sister-in-law battled breast cancer and they are too scared to try having kids because none of us are sure if she can. :( I'm amazed at your view on it and oh my goodness you are so wise!! Definitely an inspirational post and I will share this with her!! I made sure to follow you on facebook and instagram so I can keep up with your posts. Feel free to stop by and follow along as well! :)

about me

Hi there! I'm Brandy, the writer and photographer here at A Sweet Aroma. I hope you find this space to be one of encouragement at transparency as I blog and photograph my way through this beautiful life.