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12 Things You Should Expect When Dating A Strong Woman

I think the term ‘independent woman’ gets some negative flack throughout society these days because often times, women have become so jaded that they swear off men and consistently talk about how they don’t need us. This, obviously, can be a little discouraging for guys at times and makes us feel unwanted.

For that reason, I’m going to use the term ‘strong woman,’ who may very well have many consistencies with a woman who is independent and doesn’t need you, but for the sake of this article, let’s operate under the assumption that she actually wants you. Something all of us want to feel.

Dating a woman who is strong and has her act together is an experience ripe with lessons to be learned. Trust me, I know. If you are going to fall in love with someone like this, there are going to be some things you should know first.

1. Don’t expect any fluff from her.

You’re going to have to stop dancing around issues and start being straight with her, because that’s how she’s going to be with you. If there is an issue or something bothering her, you’re going to know about it. She is a problem solver and she wants you to be, too.

If you want something sugar coated, you should probably go get yourself a cupcake, cupcake.

2. Don’t expect to carry on a relationship through text messages.

Women like this are efficient communicators and the nuances of texting aren’t going to cut it for them. Sure, some texts throughout the day to keep in touch will work just fine, but your primary mode of communication will be over the phone or face to face (as it should be).

3. Don’t expect her to be impressed by your antics.

Leave your ‘social proof’ antics at the door. Any juvenile attempt to make her jealous by talking about or posting photos with other women, will backfire.

Strong women do not get jealous because they are secure enough in themselves to know what (and who) is worth their time, or what/who isn’t. If she is going to fully commit to you, she expects the same in return – no games here.

4. Don’t expect to have mindless conversations.

Strong, mature women are worldly, passionate, and educated. They are willing to have real conversations about real issues, and while there might be a Real Housewives episode playing in the background, her mind is still going a mile a minute about things that really matter.

If you want her attention, my friend, you are going to have to keep up.

5. Don’t expect being indecisive to fly.

She probably has a stressful job that requires her to spend the day making decisions or dealing with other people’s nonsense. If you are looking for evenings full of “I don’t know, where do you want to go for dinner?’ exchanges, then you are barking up the wrong tree.

She wants you to take the reins. She wants you to make decisions, and she wants you to make plans. Don’t let her professional position make you think she wants to be treated any less like a lady than she is.

6. Don’t expect her to put up with disrespect.

As no woman should. Today’s women are bold, confident, and know what they want. What they don’t want is to be around someone who is going to mistreat or disrespect them.

7. Don’t expect being flaky to be okay.

Maybe the women you dated in your past would hardly notice if you didn’t follow through on something you were going to do – but don’t expect that to be the case here. If you say you are going to do something, whether it involves her or not, you’re going to be held accountable.

8. Do expect to be consistently motivated.

Dating a strong woman is like strapping a jetpack to your back. She lives her life with purpose, with goals, with a vision for the future. If you are the man she has chosen to share her life with, her ambitious nature will rub off on you, if you aren’t like that already. You will have a lifelong teammate by your side. An equal, a partner, a confidant.

9. Do expect her to fully commit to you.

Strong women are loyal. There are no flies on them and while they expect honesty and commitment from you, they are more than willing to return it with the same fierce passion they apply to every other aspect of their lives. You will not find a more trustworthy woman than the strong type.

Why? Because she chooses what she wants out of life and she holds on to it when she gets it. When you are what she wants, she will give you her everything.

10. Do expect to have new experiences.

She has lived her life with passion and excitement for long before she met you. Along this journey she developed hobbies, interests, and has had unique experiences. Furthermore, she has built a list of things she wants to do in the future, and she wants to share them with you.

11. Do expect to look forward to every day.

When you are with a strong woman, there is no such thing as being bored. She is always on the go and, while she does enjoy relaxing on the couch, she can just as easily suggest an impromptu weekend away in the mountains.

And, even if you plan it out, expect her to add her own personal flair.

12. Do expect to build a beautiful life together.

As the motivated, ambitious, intelligent man that I know you are, it is clear that you want to build a beautiful life for yourself. You have goals, dreams, and visions for your future. There is no better feeling than knowing the woman standing next to you shares your level of ambition and matches your efforts.

You will never be happier than when you are with a strong woman, because she lives her life with a burning desire to make the best of it. She loves deeply and will motivate you to become the best possible version of yourself – while remaining the same man she fell for in the first place.

Do not shy away from strong women, do not be intimidated by their passion for life. Instead, be excited that you have found your teammate. You have found your partner in crime.

You have found your equal.

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63 Comments

Cynon April 6, 2015 at 9:22 pm

Wow…so needed to read this today. I am a strong woman, who after a breakup (my choice) has left me questioning my high standards. But after reading this I feel validated in not expecting less. Thank you for writing such insightful articles!

I feel the exact same way, while recently going through a break up (had to walk away) a couple of weeks ago because of the opposite of everything James Sama just said in this article. My recent break up, too, made me question my value and standards…and now, not anymore. At least, I’m not the only one who thinks these things!

The real problem today for us good single men nowadays is trying to find a good woman that can Accept us for who we really are since many of us Don’t make the kind of money that many women are making these days, and with so much more women today that are very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, and very greedy, is the reason why so many of us are single today which it is No fault of ours.

I’ve recently been lucky enough to find myself one of those bright, strong women – and we just “closed the deal” (expressed total love for each other, commitment to each other, and mutual strong desire to make the OTHER person happy because it gives each of us extreme personal pleasure to do so) this past weekend. We are now both looking forward to a long and extremely happy life together – and we’re both in our sixties! (So all you “young ‘uns”, don’t ever think that the “spark” – that great desire for a loving, caring, even *exciting* relationship – inevitably has to go away as you get older … I’m here to tell you that it DOESN’T!)

And finally, all you strong ladies who despair of ever finding a worthwhile male to appreciate and love you, DON’T GIVE UP! The odds are very good that there’s someone out there for you, too – but you’ll never know about him unless you keep trying. The risk (of being hurt) and the tedium (of meeting far too many frogs when you’re looking for one worthwhile prince) ARE worth it!

And I vouch for John’s comment, as I have the chance to be the lucky lady who managed to find him. I do love him so I cannot find words strong enough to express my feelings for this extraordinary Prince of mine! At my age, I thought I would never be able to find such an ultimate partner anywhere on this planet. But I did!

So believe John when he says we, strong ladies, can meet our unique Prince if we show confidence, patience and determination in the process, despite multiple disappointing dates. As for you, Bright and Resolute Strong Men, keep on looking, the strong woman who will make you happy is actively looking for you right now. And, whatever you do, don’t settle for less…

So happy for both of you! I hope to someday find something so special as well. I was married for 32 years & thought it we had made it through the “hard times”. You have put hope in my heart that love can still suprise us at any age.

Thank you John. I’m 40 and hoping to live long enough to enjoy a relationship like the one you describe. Or at least do what I can to help others stay out of dangerous, unhealthy relationships like the one I finally left.

James Michael Sama posted: “I think the term ‘independent woman’ gets some negative flack throughout society these days because often times, women have become so jaded that they swear off men and consistently talk about how they don’t need us. This, obviously, can be a little discou”

James Michael Sama posted: “I think the term ‘independent woman’ gets some negative flack throughout society these days because often times, women have become so jaded that they swear off men and consistently talk about how they don’t need us. This, obviously, can be a little discou”

James Michael Sama posted: “I think the term ‘independent woman’ gets some negative flack throughout society these days because often times, women have become so jaded that they swear off men and consistently talk about how they don’t need us. This, obviously, can be a little discou”

Great read about the 12 things that strong woman want is very close to what I wanted to find in True Mate Partner in Crime in Love and Life , the tricky part is that It’s Imposible to find a man with all those qualities the closest to every thing that was suggested was close to how I have learned to be around strong independent woman . I have no hair on my tounge . I don’t sugar coat shit and tell you to enjoy it .
Raised by Wolves always looking for someone like me so I agree with everything except N#5 I don’t need anyone to take my Steer my Sails in my Wind .

And also the biggest reason why it’s hard to find a man now a days is because there really are none . Bottom line the great ones are Either In Prison ,
Super Duper Gay ! , Dead , and lastly Taken . And you already know that they will stay loyal to whomever he chooses to be with .
The times have changed majority of the men into Woman ! They behave like woman and dress like woman or it’s the strong Woman that’s Plucking the young Dumb full of cum like Chickens and doing their EYEBROWs and putting them in some Crazy Leggins Jeans Type pants looking like young lezbos. eye makeup too and crZy Pink flaming Colors that’s your Men Today !
Telling on each other like bitches that they are .
They have no Word !
They Lie as soon as there Dog shit breath mouth opens and they all broke so you girls (woman) have to support your playthinggies & makeup eyeliner and dress up real pretty and go spend 10k. On something important like Lady GaGa Tickets . Times have changed Drastcally !
They don’t know how to even drink out of beer bottles correctly and they don’t wash there hands in the Bathroom after a piss or shit seriously Nasty times are on upon you women that missed the train .tooot toooot let me know how many gay experiences he had before you ? Lol probably many that why they all have friend their boys that’s what’s important to the Young Men that Wear and represent themselves as bitches .
Let it hang mutherfuckers grow a set and stand up do something positive stop being so stupid . Educate yourselves about females know how they work !
Learn their bodies and satisfiy them before yourselves you selfish greedy fucks !
Just put on a Red Bozo Nose before you go out with your other clowns . Easier to spot !

James Michael Sama posted: “I think the term ‘independent woman’ gets some negative flack throughout society these days because often times, women have become so jaded that they swear off men and consistently talk about how they don’t need us. This, obviously, can be a little discou”

James Michael Sama posted: “I think the term ‘independent woman’ gets some negative flack throughout society these days because often times, women have become so jaded that they swear off men and consistently talk about how they don’t need us. This, obviously, can be a little discou”

James Michael Sama posted: “I think the term ‘independent woman’ gets some negative flack throughout society these days because often times, women have become so jaded that they swear off men and consistently talk about how they don’t need us. This, obviously, can be a little discou”

James Michael Sama posted: “I think the term ‘independent woman’ gets some negative flack throughout society these days because often times, women have become so jaded that they swear off men and consistently talk about how they don’t need us. This, obviously, can be a little discou”

James Michael Sama posted: “I think the term ‘independent woman’ gets some negative flack throughout society these days because often times, women have become so jaded that they swear off men and consistently talk about how they don’t need us. This, obviously, can be a little discou”

James . . . What can I say that so many others have already said before me.
It is very re-affirming to hear this kind of wisdom from a man. It takes maturity and the willingness to be self aware that I find lacking in so many men that I meet, sometimes regardless of them being at an age where you’d expect it to be in place. So lovely of you to share such a well-considered and well-written observation that so many men should read and take to heart. It is like a jewel in the cyber-haystack of relationship reflections! You’ve just blown out the obstacles of nonsensical “advise” that clogs the bandwidths! I’m saving this one!

I had never heard of you until yesterday (4-23-15) when I happened upon this article on FB. I’m 40, and just left an abusive marriage 19 months ago. I am a strong woman who was born into an abusive family, raised in an abusive, cult-like religion, and married to an abusive man for 16 years. Even though I am educated and intelligent, I never realized that abuse was a part of my life because it has all been very subtle forms of emotional abuse. No one in my life has ever been loud, or thrown things, or hit me, or even sworn. My family of origin, my former religion, my ex-husband…all appear to be squeaky clean and perfect.

I’ve wanted to be dead most of my life. I was diagnosed with depression almost 20 years ago, just prior to getting married. Doctors and therapists throughout the years have told me that the reason I want to be dead is that I have depression–suicidal ideation is part of the illness. Imagine my surprise when I finally moved out of the home I shared with my (now Ex) husband, and woke up the first morning happy to be alive. My zest for life has just gotten stronger and stronger the longer I am away from him.

Do you ever think or write about women and men who are strong but who were born into a cage and raised in shackles–what a person like that might look like? That is what I’ve been thinking about since I read this article yesterday.

I like your work, and I hope to read much more of it. I see what you are doing to make the world a better place, and I approve whole-heartedly. Thank you for your passion, your vision, and your voice. It has already helped me a lot, and I’ve only been aware of it for about 24 hours. All the best to you.

James!! There are many strong women here and I really admire them because they are already strong. But to be honest, your article shows me that I hadn’t been strong during these years, and that’s the reason I had suffered unnecessary drama and nonsenses!
I’ll become a strong woman and lift up my head.

Thank you so much for writing this article James. It was what I really needed to read today. Surprisingly, I related to each point you made; along with the reasoning you provided. I did not necessarily think of myself as a strong independent woman, and nor would my career choice reflect this, but I am sometimes told by others it’s how I can come across. Even recently, a man I met online, commented I came across as very confident and he found me rather intimating (huh – I only wish). I grew up in a regional environment in a very dysfunctional household, surrounded by emotional and physical abuse, an alcoholic step father, followed by a very angry defacto father who repeatedly tried to be intimate with his two teenage step-daughters. We were quite poor too and didn’t live as well as most people I met during my childhood. As is quite typical, I ended up marrying a very angry man who was verbally abusive to me throughout our 20 years together. Since my divorce 10 years ago, I’ve had 3 relationships, all with “perfectly nice men” (much nicer than I grew up with and much nicer than I married, so thought I was on the right track) but they were often too nice, weren’t being authentic (think spineless), and weren’t take charge kind of guys (which I am very attracted to). One man mistook lust for love, and that relationship ended after 12 months, when the lust tapered down. Another “nice” man I dated vanished into thin air after 10 months – for reasons I’m not privy to. Finally, the Widower I dated, was not honest or emotionally available for the type of deep connection I was seeking. I know men may be confused by the feminist message of recent years, but woman (deep down) still want to be around strong men, who know how to treat you right without pussy footing around nor being overly aggressive either! There’s a very fine balance that’s for sure; and like the women you mentioned in your article, I would give it my all to be with the “right man for me”. Finding ‘him’ is obviously the challenging bit. Thank you for your wonderful contributions; it is educational, informative and often validates my personal experience. Cheers from Down Under!

Reblogged this on String of Pearls and commented:
Good Monday morning to all of you, lovelies!

I found this interesting article on James M. Sama’s blog today. It caught my eye because I thought to myself “oh, that’s ME – strong woman.” But as I read through his points, I was surprised to find myself thinking a little differently. I agree with most of what he says, except points 2 and 3.

In #2, he says that your primary mode of communication will be via phone or face to face and that there isn’t any value in texting. This idea is shifting, as women travel and work more and more. I find that I can stay connected to a partner at a distance and during the work day with texts. This doesn’t negate the import of HAVING face to face time or hearing his voice, but I think he devalues how meaningful well-timed texts can be during a stressful day.

In point #3, he says strong women won’t get jealous. Trust me, if you start flaunting other relationships in our face, we will get jealous. But it will last only a fleeting moment before we’ll take action. And I promise that if she is healthy AND strong… it won’t go the way you’d hoped.

That said, James does an excellent job of describing us, from the need for our man to make decisions about where to dine, to our insatiable ambition and propensity to inspire our men to experience new things.

[…] past the point of wasting their time with guys who aren’t serious about a future. Women are driven, successful, independent, and want to be with a man who they can consider an equal teammate in life and in […]

[…] are past the point of wasting their time with guys who aren’t serious about a future. Women are driven, successful, independent, and want to be with a man who they can consider an equal teammate in life and in […]

I wonder if James wrote or will write anything about strong men and I suppose he is one. Or is it a case of men are not supposed to expect anything in return? . Truth be told men endure a lot more emotional, financial and legal abuse in the hands of women but no one wants to talk about it. Everyone writes about the standards for a good man , where are the standards for a good woman or is there none ? As long as she puts on a bra and lipstick she is good. Stop the silly hypocrisy and the pandering. As for me I have found many of these women to be damn too expensive and they impact very little to your life as a man. All they want to do is take from you and the society does not have any expectation of them giving anything. That’s the real reason many men don’t want to be bothered with these leaches. You can keep fooling yourselves and call yourselves strong or independent all you want. If you want a real man you will learn to give back and be respectful. Or you can keep surrounding yourself with these losers who go by whatever name

Strong Man, James has written about female behavior in the context you are referring to. Check out his posts titled:

12 Signs She’s The Type Of Woman You Should Marry
8 Warning Signs She’s Not The Right Woman For You
Where Have The Ladies Gone? Class And The Modern Woman…
12 Traits He Wants In His Future Wife
11 Ways To Show A Man You Love Him

Of course you are right, respect and the give and take in relationships are two way streets. A strong woman is willingly giving and respectful to her man.

i simply LOVE your article. i am an austrian coach and i work on relationship topics and heartbreak. i so much fancy your text that i translated it to german as many of my readers are not that fluent. of course i linked to your website and this article. i hope this is fine with you. looking forward for more! 🙂
deep regards, sabine

You’re making a generalization from experience. I think generalize and launch stereotypes about people in relationships is nonsense. And fewer still separating people by gender. In fact, I believe that these publications about things that make women or men have a sexist undercurrent. We are people, we can be strong or weak … but do not judge our behavior if we have vagina or penis.

I love this article. I found my match about 5 years ago, (im 47) so it took a while. Im a strong woman and what you say is absolutely correct…when we find our match we hold onto them, no mucking around, no games, no time wasting. we know what we want, and when we finally find it, its something to be cherished. my partner truly inspires me everyday. we both bring out the best in each other, and have been able to achieve some truly fantastic results, both individually and as a team.