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Monday, August 12, 2013

Letters To Superheros: Issue #9 - Dear Maxima

Attention Maxima,

What you playin' at girl? I know you iz crazy, but you be making me all kinds of insane. What part of "My man" don't you understand? You think because you're from another world that makes you better? Child please. Let me tell you something. I worked my way up from the bottom because i got the brains and the never quit 'tude. I'm pretty sure I handle a little thing like you. It was one thing when you waz just flirtin' wit' my man, but now you outright telling him to leave me and skip off with you... You better hope those powers of yours are enough to withstand my anger. Cause I'ma be all over you.

Let me emphasize that: I'ma be all over you like stains on a fat man's white shirt after an all you can eat chili festival. Be on you like milk in your Frosted Flakes. The generic brand, cause I know you ain't even got enough class for Tony the Tiger. You be with his handicapped cousin Earl da Leopard.

In the future, remember these words and remember them well, you can look all you want, but don't touch. Or I'ma plant my high heel in a place that'd make us both uncomfortable.