Sunday, 26 May 2013

Focus on the positives

Well, I’ve had a few pretty hectic days; I bought a car,
moved into my own flat, and got a new job. All in less than a week!
Unfortunately my job has me waiting on pompous old men and spoilt, ketchup
smeared children rather than waiting on my next article being published, but hey,
money doesn’t grow on trees. While I’m still waiting for my lucky break, at
least I have my own space and a get-away car should I feel too trapped in the
small town life of Biggleswade (cue rev of the engine).

I must point out, I am writing this half way through a
bottle of red wine, sat on my balcony overlooking a beautifully picturesque
river, and this is why my outlook on life is as rosy as my alcohol flushed
cheeks. Earlier on I wasn’t feeling quite as gleeful.

Today was the first day of my new job. Nervous, and excited
at the prospect of earning some much needed money, I struggled to eat breakfast.
I styled my hair and put some make up on (knowing this kind of effort wouldn’t
last the week), and drove around the corner to the pub. Confident with my
abilities as a waitress, I wasn’t so much worried about the job itself, but the
fact that I was the new girl and that I was at least 6 years older than all of the
other waitresses. I couldn’t help feeling like that awkward mature student in
university; trying to blend in with the youngsters and failing miserably.
Feigning interest in fuchsia pink acrylic nails I had some impressively mind
numbing conversations which, thank god, were cut short by the ringing of the
bell calling for service in the kitchen. After a day of serving food and wearing
a super glued smile, I collapsed onto my bed and buried my head in the pillow
(before quickly removing the pillow for fear of my greasy, food reeking face
making it smell and inducing work related dreams).

I groaned (alone and self pitying) what
am I doing, I don’t want to do this, I should be writing, creating, dreaming! And
then I reminded myself that I’m not rich and I’m not living in a fairytale. The
only way to get past feeling like a failing pensioner at 24 was to focus on the
positives. Sure the pay is shocking, but it’s a whole 20p above minimum wage!!
Ok, so that’s a bad example. What I am currently reminding myself of, is that
working this crappy job is keeping me
motivated to work hard for what I want; if I was content with my job I may not be as
driven to make my dreams come true. Positives: I am earning money, proving that
I am a grafter, and I am still on my way to becoming the successful writer I
envisage myself to be. So when you feel like life is bullying you, stay strong and
focus on the good bits; remind yourself of all the wonderful things you take
for granted. Your family, your friends, the fact that you’re healthy. Then if
you’re feeling really determined, try to turn the negatives into positives too;
I may no longer be a care free high schooler like my work colleges, but I’m now at an age where I
don’t need half a litre of vodka to embarrass myself on the dance floor (I’ll
do it sober).