The search is over~

Finding my way back~

Life would be so much easier if we were handed erasers. If we could be granted the use of erasers that worked the way magic wands work in fairy tales…

marriage/divorce~ poof be gone

I’d erase wrinkles, stretch marks and for sure I would erase mistakes…sadly life doesn’t work that way. So we have to take our mistakes and learn from them…my problem is I tend to repeat the same mistakes, but on the upside of that is that the more mistakes I make the more I learn…that should make me a freaking genius.

I'm up to volume 5 in my library...hehe~

These past few weeks I have felt a big weight being lifted off of my shoulders. The depression I had been making a part of my life is making its way out….I still have my dark days…those days when the physical pain is so unbearable that I just wish I could check out.

Today is a check out day~

What keeps me going? My kids. That simple…my boys, they need me, I am their mom, their dad and they are my everything.

But back to the erasers…I don’t really need them, I have my own version of an eraser…it’s a filing system of sorts…I file things, people, places, events, wrongs in a compartment in my big head…and once they are in this special repository of forgetfulness….well if I don’t remember it, it didn’t happen….now if I could only get back what I put into it financially I’d be able to get things fixed around here….

I’ll go back to the drawing board…I have solutions but I am far from being a true genius…

Meditation can “erase” a lot. I focus on the present. Gently nudge out thoughts of yesterday and the future and try to keep my senses on the “now.” I listen to sounds, feel the chair beneath my legs and butt, as well as my hands on my lap and the air around me. I let the itch reamain unscratched and it goes away.

I “flow” with my breath, following it in and out of my nostrils, “feeling” it in the upper front part of my skull, all the time “forgiving” myself for not meeting my expectations and/or my plans for tomorrow. The “Divine” in me grants absolution without the Hail Marys and the Our Fathers.