My wife and family literally demanded that I go to the VA. From previous experience I wanted no part of it. But, I am glad I went. I told my wife after the fact that I felt like I let them down and my old unit down and felt some what ashamed for needing help with this. I am glad to have been enlightened on the fact that those feelings were in-accurate. I am glad to not be in jail and to be becoming a better father and husband. It just floors me how it has come upon me. I literally could feel it descending upon me over the last few months. It got worse and worse. I had all the symptoms after storm but drank them away for 5 years or so and then who knows where they were until now.

Had a crazy thought the other morning @ 'bout 4am. Got up and drew some pictures with a pen and drank coffee. Whatever the reason, the pictures shook me a good bit. Guess it is all part of the ride. No more art work for a while.

Group is a 'CPT' (Cognitive Processing Therapy) group. We are supposed to break down our avoidance of the 'trauma' or 'traumas' and learn to deal with them. I think I have gotten a little ahead. I have no idea why I had the urge to paint or draw but for whatever reason, it's gone now. I have not heard a word from the VA about my claim yet. I am waiting for the official eval.

After reading this, I think I am going to contact my local VA. I have had the same symptoms but I just thought I was being an ass and it was something a combat vet had to just live with. I also went to the shrink when I got back because I had HORRIBLE headaches when I would hear our gun or very loud noises. I told him that I don't know what it is but I didn't like doing that anymore. Killing people is wrong, a person could point a gun at another person all day long but it isn't murder until he pulled the trigger, I WAS THE ONE PULLING THE TRIGGER! He immediately jumped down my throat, telling me what a pussy I was and I didn't have any nuts and BS like that. I was pretty pissed that he treated me that way. They forced weeks of anger management down my throat and later I was assigned to post clean up until I got out. I tried the National Guard a couple of times because I felt I was good at being a soldier, It was tough as hell. When I found out we would probably be going back to Iraq in 2003, I got out. I promised myself that I would NEVER go to someone elseâ€™s back yard to shoot them, especially Iraq!

My wife of 14 years tells me that I am a strange man and that I should seek help. She would say that she no idea what would make me mad. Some things she thought would trigger me, and should have, I would just let slide like it was no big deal. Then she would say something that she thought would be fine and I would just freak on her. She would say that we already talked about it earlier that day and I don't remember talking about it. I thought I was going crazy, it seemed as I was pissed every day so I get the RAGE thing. The dreams and night sweats were a burden that I felt was my duty as a Vet and my responsibility to keep to myself. Most of the times I can just escape in games, but I missed a bunch of my kids growing up that way. Also, I was the only one in my entire family that had fading eye sight. Looks like I will be making that call...

Thanks for the help opening my eyes that I have a problem I need help with...

Speaking strictly for myself ... the mental health issues are a hard, bumpy road to travel, but I would not turn back nor would I have taken a different route. My only regret is that I didn't get/find help sooner.

Get help, be honest with yourself, and stay the course ... the alternative aint pretty ... as many folks will testify too ... those that still can.

Jetmech wrote:After reading this, I think I am going to contact my local VA. I have had the same symptoms but I just thought I was being an ass and it was something a combat vet had to just live with. I also went to the shrink when I got back because I had HORRIBLE headaches when I would hear our gun or very loud noises. I told him that I don't know what it is but I didn't like doing that anymore. Killing people is wrong, a person could point a gun at another person all day long but it isn't murder until he pulled the trigger, I WAS THE ONE PULLING THE TRIGGER! He immediately jumped down my throat, telling me what a pussy I was and I didn't have any nuts and BS like that. I was pretty pissed that he treated me that way. They forced weeks of anger management down my throat and later I was assigned to post clean up until I got out. I tried the National Guard a couple of times because I felt I was good at being a soldier, It was tough as hell. When I found out we would probably be going back to Iraq in 2003, I got out. I promised myself that I would NEVER go to someone elseâ€™s back yard to shoot them, especially Iraq!

My wife of 14 years tells me that I am a strange man and that I should seek help. She would say that she no idea what would make me mad. Some things she thought would trigger me, and should have, I would just let slide like it was no big deal. Then she would say something that she thought would be fine and I would just freak on her. She would say that we already talked about it earlier that day and I don't remember talking about it. I thought I was going crazy, it seemed as I was pissed every day so I get the RAGE thing. The dreams and night sweats were a burden that I felt was my duty as a Vet and my responsibility to keep to myself. Most of the times I can just escape in games, but I missed a bunch of my kids growing up that way. Also, I was the only one in my entire family that had fading eye sight. Looks like I will be making that call...

Thanks for the help opening my eyes that I have a problem I need help with...

All too familiar. My wife also deals with my issues. She "walks on egg shells" . I'm gettin help though. I have not been on here in a while. I have been an in patient @ the VA psych ward. I tried to end myself and then turned it on the cops when they came out. RAGE!! turned inward and then flipped outward. Med changes and now all seems tolerable. Am praying for relief and doing what they ask. I have been thinking about doing it the cheech and chong way though and see if that will help.

Naw man, it ain't. Bad time is all. Gotta get right. Group does help and my med change seems great. I'm learning to get along with me is all. All over again. It helps to listen on this site and to others who understand. My wife is my rock. She keeps me grounded and tolerates my moods. Blessing is what she is.

This is my 3rd wife. It may sound odd but I actually love this one. My first wife did not abandon me during storm ( which is one of my issues with authority) so I married her. My 2nd wife never knew me and never cared to listen. It was all in my head. My wife now is my soul mate. Blessing straight from God. She is my companion and I am thankful. She LISTENS and CARES. What an advantage support wise. She and my 3 y.o. and 1 y.o. along with my 2 teenagers are why I'm here.