where the past is always present

Princess Diana: F & G

Lady Diana Spencer was a nanny and nursery school teacher prior to her marriage to Charles, Prince of Wales. Photo: fall, 1980

Lady Diana Spencer was understandably nervous about marrying Charles, Prince of Wales (b. 1948). Following their February 24, 1981, engagement announcement, Diana’s whole world was turned upside down. In a flash, nineteen-year-old Diana went from part-time nanny and nursery school teacher to the future Queen of England. Two days later, she kissed freedom goodbye forever. “Shy Di” moved out of her flat at No. 60 Coleburne Court, said a hasty goodbye to her 3 giddy roommates, and moved into Buckingham Palace,where she was sequestered for the five months leading up to her July 29 wedding, protected from the press. (1)

In their first public appearance together following their February 1981 engagement announcement, Lady Diana Spencer and Prince Charles attended a Royal Opera benefit at London's Goldsmith Hall. Lady Diana shocked the crowd by appearing in a low-cut, strapless black taffeta evening gown. "The Dress" made headlines: "Lady Di Takes the Plunge," screamed the front page of The Daily Mirror, with splendid photos of "Shy Di" spilling out of her revealing gown.

Throughout the spring, the Palace courtiers gave Diana lessons on how to be a princess. They advised her of her royal engagements, which would average 170 a year and would include Ascot, Trooping the Color, Badminton Horse Trials, Opening of Parliament, Chelsea Flower Show, Wimbledon, hospital benefits, charities, and anything for the military. They guided her through the maze of royal rules: wear hats in public and bright colors to stand out; wave from the elbow, not the wrist; never use a public lavatory.

‘The worst thing about being a princess,’ said Diana years later, ‘is having to pee.'”(1)

They handed her stacks of history books to read about her future role as Princess of Wales.

27th March 1981: Charles, Prince of Wales, his fiancee Lady Diana Spencer, and Queen Elizabeth II at Buckingham Palace, London, after she gave her consent for their wedding.

It was all too much for Diana. She longed to be with Charles, who was often unavailable, having embarked on a 5-week tour of the United States, Australia, and New Zealand, among his other royal duties. The Royal Family – when they were at the Palace, each with their own separate apartments – did nothing to help her feel at home. In fairness, each of the royals did have their own very busy schedules. Nevertheless, Diana was cut off from ordinary companionship. She felt insecure, lonely, and afraid.

I missed my girls [roommates] so much I wanted to go back there and sit and giggle and borrow clothes and chat about silly things, just being in my safe shell again….I couldn’t believe how cold everyone was [at Buckingham Palace].” (2)

Along with palace isolation and wedding jitters, Diana agonized over whether Charles was still in love with his married mistress, Camilla Parker Bowles, although Charles swore their affair was a thing of the past. How could that be true, wondered Diana. Camilla telephoned Charles constantly and he always took her calls in private. Camilla and her husband were often included as weekend house guests at Sandringham, the royal family country house. Camilla haunted Diana and Charles’s courtship days.

Diana befriended Charles’s righthand man, Michael Colborne, peppering him with questions about Charles’s relationship with Camilla. Diana became bulimic from the worry and lost twenty pounds in just three months. She became weak and emotionally labile.

Camilla Shand as a debutante in 1965. She and Prince Charles met in 1970 and considered marriage. Lord Louis Mountbatten advised Charles against marrying the love of his life, citing Camilla's wild past and lack of aristocratic lineage.

Her fears over Camilla increased when, tucked among the wedding presents in the office Diana shared with Colborne, Diana discovered a curious little parcel. Over fierce objections from Colborne, she opened it, only to discover a gold bracelet with a lapis pendant engraved with the initials “F” and “G” entwined.

Diana became enraged. She knew the significance of the two letters: earlier friends had informed her that “F” and “G” stood for “Fred and Gladys,” the pet nicknames Charles and Camilla had for each other. Diana pressed Colborne about the gift:

‘I know it’s for Camilla,’ she said. ‘So why won’t you admit it? What does it mean? Why is Charles doing this?'” (2)

Colborne refused to answer any more questions, other than to admit that he had ordered the gift at Charles’s request. Diana was livid with jealousy.

She confronted Charles. He said he had indeed ordered the bracelet from Asprey’s for Camilla and was going to give it to her in person to signal the end of their relationship. He maintained it was a farewell gift but Diana didn’t believe him. They quarreled and she withdrew in tears.

Diana, Princess of Wales (1961-1997) in an undated photo.

The wedding day was bearing down on Diana like a freight train. Her fairytale was morphing into a nightmare. There wasn’t time enough to process all the change that was taking place in her young life.

Her weight plummeted. She became wisp-thin. Her bridal gown with its 25-foot train, puffy sleeves, and ivory taffeta was almost ready, although the dressmakers had to keep taking in the seams due to Diana’s dramatic weight loss. Between the first and last fittings, Diana’s waist shrank from 29 inches to 23-and-a-half inches.

In June, two weeks before her wedding, Diana attended Ascot Week where she was treated by the public and the media like an international film star.

Lady Diana attends Royal Ascot for the first time, June 1981.

Everyone was fascinated with this new breed of royalty. Diana was fresh, lovely, and natural. She had a real English rose complexion. Her larkiness was such a refreshing change of pace from the stodgy Royal Family with all their rules and stiffness.

But the crush of the crowd and the press, who trailed her at every outing, distressed Diana:

‘During tea at the back of the royal box at the races she was practically in tears and had to be escorted home early.'” (3)

Lady Diana Spencer watches Prince Charles play polo at Tidworth during their engagement. The wedding is four days later. Photo: July 25, 1981

On Monday, July 28, 1981, the day before her wedding, Diana lunched with her sisters while Charles met with Camilla with the gift. Diana confided to her sisters that she didn’t want to marry someone who was still in love with his mistress.

‘It’s bad luck, Duch,’ said her sister Sarah, using the family nickname for Diana. “Your face is on the tea towels, so you’re too late to chicken out now.”” (2)

It was too late to chicken out by the time Lady Diana Spencer considered breaking her engagement to Prince Charles. Her face was on the tea-towels already.

As Sarah pointed out, it was too late. England was awash in kitchy wedding memorabilia featuring the royal couple’s photos. London was crawling with tourists and international journalists and television crews. Sadly, there was no turning back for Diana.

The wedding went ahead as scheduled at St. Paul’s Cathedral. The Queen had sent 2,500 invitations to friends, families, and heads of state, plus the crowned heads of Europe. The ceremony was telecast to 750 million people. On that July day, Lady Diana Spencer (1961-1997) became newly titled as Diana, Princess of Wales. She outranked all other women in the realm, except Queen Elizabeth II and the Queen Mother. (1)

Wedding Bells chimed on July 29, 1981, when Lady Diana Spencer married Charles, Prince of Wales, at St. Paul's Cathedral in London.

Diana was right to have been worried about Camilla breaking up her marriage. Shortly after marrying Diana – some say five years later, others, that they never stopped seeing each other – the Prince resumed his relationship with Camilla. The marriage was long over before the royal Wales divorced in 1996.

31 Responses

What a wonderful synopsis of such a complex, entangled web of human frailty. It was such a frenzied dervish of love, misgivings, jealousy, and yet perhaps foremost, hope. The hope of Diana, and indeed, the international audience, was riding on Charles’ commitment to be true. But alas, monogamy and aristocracy have not been commonly paired in merry old England. These photos bring it all back so vividly!

Shirley, you are so right. We all wanted the marriage to work. I’m amazed at how infidelity is so acceptable for married aristos in England. They must be very idle to have so many affairs outside marriage – or else, they drink a lot and fall into whatever arms are nearby!

I always wonder if Diana would have made the same choices if she’d had the benefit of hindsight. She had her two lovely sons, but I wonder if that was enough to make her happy. I know a lot of people say their children make them happy, and they wouldn’t trade them for the world, but she seemed so lonely for so much of her adult life.

In just the five months of Diana’s engagement, the Royal Family machine began the process of killing the natural Diana as they tried to make her into one of their own. Her children were her joy. If she had been an American mom, she would not have sent them off to boarding school at such a young age and ceded so much of her parental control (and time) to others. She died in the car crash during the time the Royal Family took its annual trip to Balmoral and her sons were part of that. She didn’t know what to do with herself – hence her jumping at the offer to join the Al Fayeds on board the Jonikal. Poor Diana. After the divorce, she was neither fish nor fowl – neither a royal nor a commoner – and the press were always with her. Suffocating yet lonely.

I find the Diana/Fergie era so fascinating given what we know now, about how it was basically a huge disaster for everyone involved.

I have to say, though, you taught me a new fact — I did NOT know that part about royals not being allowed to use public lavatories! So what, did they have to wait until they got back to the palace? Or stop in at an appropriately highborn person’s residence?

I really like how Princess Diana was her own person. She was not like anyone nor was anyone like her. You don’t find people like these in the world anymore. I still have never gotten why she said ‘Call me Diana, not Princess Diana.’ I’ve tried to research that but haven’t gotten anything. Do you know what it means? And I also don’t when she said ‘Being a princess isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.’

I truly admire Diana.
Diana was exceptional. Her sheer innocence…the unfaithfulness of the British royal family killed her from inside…….. especially her husband ……her poor kids had to face emptiness all throughout their life and long for their mother’s love.She did countless number of works among the poor, HIV and aids patients and much more. She was a great Lady indeed.

Prince Charles has always been faithful to his feelings for Camilla Parker-Bowles. She is the love of his life. He never got over that feeling even after marrying Princess Diana. They were all victims of circumstances and royal protocols. But it was Princess Diana who suffered the most.

May the good Lord bless her soul wherever she may be. I can never stop wondering how those two lovely children of hers are coping, knowing and living with the infidelity that led to their mother’s untimely death. I never stop shedding tears for our late Princess Diana. Will always miss her.

I totally agree with Shirley. thanks Lisa for making this wonderful synopsis. for info I 26 yrs and one of the Lady Diana fans. I grow up with lady diana ‘s picture and her story . she inspired me .i am not a princes,huhu,. but I believe, all girls in the world was dreamy to be princess and just believe you are but in different way. she inspired me…even I knew about her beauty , heart kind and sense of fashion,12 years after her death , but I always excited anything articles related with her. I still remembered well during I was in secondary school, and I cannot afford to buy books or any magazines to know about her hole story, and zero computer knowledge to Google . I would ask from my neighbour , old and new newspaper that showing her picture , and cutting all articles then stick in book about her sense of humor,fashion, charity, her lovely sons and latest about spencers (lady Diana nieces and nephew).. but now i miss the moment …
forget about her “unfaithful husband” and the selfish person, “camilia”. what is bothering me until now, p.wiliam can accept camilia very well : William and Kate have Camilla’s granddaughter in the party but not William’s young “blood family” cousins .and why p.wiliam could miss to put his youngest first cousins Edmund Spencer, 7, and Lady Lara Spencer 4 in invitations list.The Spencers got a snub in my opinion, because they are sitting on the bride’s side.. maybe it – is that Prince William was probably not terribly happy in retrospect with Earl Spencer’s speech at Diana’s funeral. but Earl still he’s uncle,and i really not understand p.wiliam can have a good relatinship with camilia’s family and i really sad because i also fans of lady kitty (niece of late of lady diana). or maybe you have beter explanation about this,.

Charles always loved Camilla. He was forced to marry someone else. Diana should not have agreed to marry him, but it is flattering to marry a royal and to become a princess. She was not forced to do that, she was a free person. She had no passionate or fun love story with him before marriage–she married only for status. Thus I suggest that she should also have lived a parallel life like many other couples do for various reasons–but she fell in love with Charles, because he was her first man?–she had no experience before him?–because he was a royal? and NOT because he is so sexy, hansome and charming to her. She was more than naive. We are all young at 20, but we are not all that naive. Her family should have taught her. She made herself a victim. She was not of strong mind or character I guess, as she easy became desillusioned. And then she did not play along the rules. I am realistic, but many of you still dream the princess dream ( and this not at age 20 ) and look for the bad ones to blame. It was her choice.
Camilla was no beauty, but she obviously had many other qualities we cannot judge, but Charles appreciated. Love has nothing to do with the surface beauty, but with character and heart and many other feelings. All 3 of them were trapped through the cirmcumstances and were ‘victims’ as the same amount and all 3 of them suffered the same. Only her kids were the biggest victims to suffer.

@the realistic romantic: I agree with everything you have written. She did not have the coping skills to be a strong woman. She had power in the relationship with Prince Charles, but didn’t know it. Prince Charles may have had a romantic relationship with Camilla & they have had more in common. I do think that Prince Charles loved Diana, but not in the same way that he had loved Camilla. However, Princess Diana was the mother of his children & the mother of the future King of England. They were building “history” & that is powerful. The sensitivity she had towards others made her weak in their relationship to his flirtation with the past.